Squidward Gets Cancelled

Squidward Gets Cancelled is the 78th episode of wait wut and the 3rd episode of the third season. It was written by and released on August 6, 2022.
== Transcript ==
(The episode starts with Squidward resting in his humble abode, laying on his bed and swiping his phone. He lets out an exasperated yawn yet continues swiping.)
Squidward: Nothing good on Twitter nowadays. 
(We see a screenshot of him closing and then deleting the app. Suddenly, his bedroom bin rustles and a live brain pops out, bouncing across the room and returning into Squidward’s head, which opens to allow for it to jump in.)
Squidward: Ah, feels good not to worry about the bird app anymore. Isn’t that right, SpongeBob?
(Silence.)
Squidward: Oh, wait, I forgot. SpongeBob isn’t an @ away anymore, I have to actually talk to him personally. Ah, well, I’ll talk to him in the morning.
(Squidward crawls up into a ball on his bed and his tentacles slowly tangle into each other, before he starts immediately snoozing. A titlecard says “THE NEXT DAY”, and we cut to Squidward riding on his bicycle on his way to work at the Krusty Krab.)
Squidward: Hi, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Hey, Squidward! Me and Patrick just–
(By the time Squidward has passed SpongeBob, he’s already unable to hear however that sentence ends. Squidward, disgruntled, frowns.)
Squidward: Well, I would have found that out if he’d posted it on Twitter. Ah, well. You can ask at work.
(He continues pedaling and eventually reaches the Krusty Krab, where he stops, but not before accidentally crashing into the restaurant, leaving an imprint of his redonkulously large nose into the front of the Krab and pushing our friendly neighbourhood octopus to the ground. The still-dismayed Squidward realises this and chuckles to himself. He pulls out his phone from his pocket and takes an image of himself posing with the squid-shaped imprint. Laughing, he clicks the option to share the image, before realising that he has no way to. He sighs and moves on to start entering the Krab, leaving his bicycle outside. Before he can reach the doors however, he hears a screech from a boatmobile - it’s none other than SpongeBob and Patrick. They come to a halt outside of the Krab.)
Squidward: Hey, you two! I didn’t know you finally passed your boating test, SpongeBob! That’s fantastic!
SpongeBob: I posted about it on Twitter dot com. I figured you’d have seen it! It’s got a million likes.
Patrick: Mmm… Twitter. (licks his lips)
SpongeBob: (laughs) Don’t be silly, Patrick, you can’t eat Twitter. It’s not like Reddit.
(Cut to Squidward in his signature cashiers’ boat at the Krusty Krab, watching the small CRT TV screen in the corner of the restaurant. It’s early in the day, so the restaurant’s tables are still largely unoccupied, bar one - a brown incidental fish with a camera. The TV is showing a news report.)
Perch Perkins: King Neptune is being given even MORE responsibilities with these new laws. Now that they’re in place, he has the ability to dissolve a Parliament and can even appoint unelected ministers to the government! Bikini Bottomites are torn on the issue, but it seems likely that the city will welcome Neptune’s powers with open arms.
(The news report shows Perch Perkins talking to Fred Rechid.)
Fred Rechid: You know, I was initially skeptical– (his voice is replaced with a phoned-in voiceover) but then I realised that not only is King Neptune incredibly intelligent, he is the sexiest man on Earth. I am loyal to the will of the King, and those who refuse him will feel his wrath as he defeats all opponents of Bikini Bottomkind in his crushing wake! 
Perch Perkins: The King has also revealed that he is excited to announce a vigilante programme, where any ol’ fish like you or me could gain a handsome cash reward for sending in evidence of unloyal Bikini Bottomites. So they can be executed, of course. (fake newscaster chuckle)
(Cut back to the Krab.)
Squidward: That’s so stupid! King Neptune is a brutal dictator who uses nationalist rhetoric to allow for democratic backsliding, and he must be stopped. DO NOT INTERACT if you are a monarchist!
(The incidental fish is filming Squidward’s rant, chuckling to himself.)
Mr. Krabs: Oh, quit your bellyaching, Squiddy, and get to work! This isn’t Twitter dot com.
Squidward: There aren’t even any customers! Do you seriously care more about your business than human rights?
(Suddenly, the incidental fish is standing in front of Squidward ready to order.)
Mr. Krabs: See, Squidward? Tony here has had his Krabby Patty delayed by YOUR social justice! NOW GET TO WORK!
(Squidward sighs, and we cut to Pearl in Krabs’ home. Pearl is sitting on the couch browsing Twitter on her phone as Mr. Krabs enters with a sigh, placing his briefcase near the couch and collapsing in exhaustion.)
Pearl: Daddy, don’t you know you’re a national hero?
Mr. Krabs: (dazed) Huh?
Pearl: It’s true! Lookie here!
(Pearl shows him a post on Twitter, posted by @ConservativeTony, with the caption “Look at this traitor mf. What a legend w/ this man putting a liberal in his place! #GetToWork”. It replays the interaction from the morning from Tony’s perspective. After showing her father the post, she throws her phone on the couch and hugs Krabs.)
Pearl: I’m so proud of you for defending the righteous King Neptune! Doesn’t he just make ya swoon?
Mr. Krabs: Well, I don’t agree with everything he says, but he sure is a stern leader! And he’s doing what’s best for this society! Say, how viral is that video?
Pearl: It has one morbillion likes.
(Dollar signs appear in Mr. Krabs’ eyes, and it cuts to the next morning, where Mr. Krabs is setting the scene. Tony stands in front of the Krusty Krab door with his camera, filming SpongeBob.)
SpongeBob: I’m ready! I’m ready! To serve His Majesty Neptune!
(The camera turns to film Mr. Krabs rubbing his claws together.)
Mr. Krabs: What an excellent loyal worker!
(Cut to Squidward once again riding his bicycle to work. Little does he know, Patrick is hiding under his rock with a shotgun, which he aims at Squidward’s bicycle as he rides by.)
Squidward: Hi, Patrick!
(Patrick shoots a bullet into the wheels of his bicycle, which pushes Squidward off into the ground.)
Squidward: Must have been a rock.
(Still on the floor, Squidward dusts the mud off of his face, before seeing Gary the snail slime his way onto the path.)
Squidward: Oh, hey, Gary! How’s my cute little boy, huh?
(Gary hisses violently, making a confused Squidward dust himself off and stand up so that he can walk backwards slowly and away from Gary, who seems ready to bite. We cut to Mr. Krabs and Tony getting the tripod camera ready as they see an exhausted Squidward slowly push himself to walk to the Krusty Krab.)
Mr. Krabs: Ooh, he’s coming!
(Cut to Squidward, breathing heavily.)
Squidward: (dazed) Maybe he’s just got rabies or something.
(He puts his tentacle to his face and gasps as he sees the camera setup.)
Squidward: Now what in the tartar sauce…?
(As Squidward finally gets to the Krab doors, he’s met with Mr. Krabs standing angrily in front of them. We see the following argument from Tony’s perspective, who shakily films it all.)
Mr. Krabs: I’m afraid you can no longer work in this fine establishment, Mr. Tentacles.
Squidward: Huh? Why?
Mr. Krabs: BECAUSE YOU’RE A LIBERAL BELLYACHER! You betrayed the nation with the words you spoke to me about His Majesty Neptune yesterday, and in front of a loyal customer like Tony here.
(Tony moves the camera to face him as he gives a thumbs-up, before moving it again to face Krabs and Squidward.)
Mr. Krabs: You are a traitor to the nation, and I’d rather have a failing business than have to work with someone who is so staunchly against the values of Bikini Bottom.
(Krabs faces Tony.)
Mr. Krabs: Was that good?
(Cut back to a neutral perspective, where Mr. Krabs sees Squidward sobbing and comes closer.)
Mr. Krabs: Listen here, Mr. Squidward, you know I didn’t really mean all that. It was just so I can grift off of the conservative media outlets.
(Krabs puts his claw on Squidward’s shoulder and sighs.)
Mr. Krabs: I hate to break it you, lad, but… you’re cancelled on Twitter.
Squidward: wait wut
[end]
Category:2022
Category:2022 Episodes
Category:Wait Wut
Category:Wait Wut Episodes
Category:Transcripts
Category:JustInCaseTheDingusRunsAway
Category:Episode transcripts
Category:Shorts
Category:2022 Transcripts
Category:2020s
Category:Episodes written by JustInCaseTheDingusRunsAway