The Krusty President/transcript

Previous Episode: Krabby Road (Rewrite)
== Transcript ==
Episode Aired: March 29, 2003
Episode Copyrighted: 2002
This episode is rated TV-Y7.
The story begins at The Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs is at the register muttering arrgh repeatedly.
Mr. Krabs: Arrgh..Arrgh..Arrgh!
Lincoln Loud: Mr. Krabs, can you please stop repeatedly muttering Arrgh.
Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward is two hours late for work! I know he sucks eggs at his job but this is just nuts!
Lori Loud: *walks through the front doors finishing some Espresso and playing Bubble Crush on his Phone*
Mr. Krabs: Well, look who decided to show up!
Lori Loud: Buzz off, twerp.
Mr. Krabs: First of all, I told ye that you can’t go and get your morning espresso! All Krusty Krab Employees must wake up at 5:30 AM, arrive at 6:30, complain at 7:30 and suffer throughout 8:30.
Lincoln Loud: She’s right, you know.
Mr. Krabs: *then notices that Lori is paying more attention to her phone* And I was wondering why this city is screwed up, it's not because of me greed, you keep playing on that stupid tech selfie snap device! What happened to sandboarding down mountains or climbing up ladders and watching lassies dance like in my day?!!
Lori Loud: You don’t even know what a shell phone is, hey, want to send the 13 colonies a letter from the typewriter while you’re at it?
Mr. Krabs: Oh! Now you've done it! *grabs Lori’s phone*
Lori Loud: Hey!
He enters the Kitchen walking past Spongebob and throws the phone into the fry batter.
Lori Loud: HEY!!! THAT'S MY PHONE!!!
Mr. Krabs: Now get to work! I ain’t payin you to use those stupid device thingies!
Lori Loud: You don’t pay me or anybody or anything at all! Last December, you gave us Money-Opoly Paper Money instead of our Christmas Bonuses, you stole a $20 bill I had lent to my mother and refused to pay it back, and the Ceilings are made of Cardboard!!
Squidward Tentacles: CARDBOARD PAPER!
A shot of the Ceiling is shown labeled, “VERY USELESS CARDBOARD PAPER.”
Mr. Krabs: *chews on a toothpick* Your point?
Squidward Tentacles: My point is, you never let us have fun at all! You are a rich corporate stinking cheapskate and even if a rainstorm happened and all that cardboard paper you call a roof washed away, you will regret it!
Mr. Krabs: We’re cartoons Squidward.
Squidward Tentacles: Oh yeah.
Mr. Krabs: Ha! If you want the things to get better, which they are perfect for me right now, why don’t you become the new boss! Which you can’t!
SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: Or how about President?
Mr. Krabs, Squidward Tentacles and Lori Loud: Huh?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Run for President of The Krusty Krab! Who do we democratically vote for? Squidward Tentacles and Lori Loud and their new exciting vision for the Krusty Krab, or do we stick to old school and Mr. Krabs?
Squidward Tentacles: Uhhh.
Mr. Krabs: I can handle an election! I’ve been voting since the 60’s! And I will beat six legs over here and become Boss/President of The Krusty Krab!
Squidward Tentacles: Oh is that so? Add me in!
Lori Loud: You are going down old man! The Krusty Krab with me as president, will finally catch up with the times!
Ignignokty and Error are shown in the corner slowly applying their pixely arms to an old computer.
Error Pixelinite: Is it 1920 yet?
Ignignokty Pixelinite: Not yet.
The scene cuts to Leni Loud entering The Krusty Krab prepared to order a Krabby Patty but as he is walking in, he is confused to see Mr. Krabs, Lori and Squidward glaring at each other while posting many Presidential Campaign signs.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *staples up some more signs*
Lincoln Loud: *notices Leni* Hey Leni! Want to vote?
Leni Loud: Hey Lincoln! What’s a vote?
Lincoln Loud: Your choice to pick somebody you want that is influential to lead you.
Leni Loud: What is an influential?
Lincoln Loud: An important person.
Leni Loud: What is an important?..
Lincoln Loud: Do you want a Krabby Patty?
Leni Loud: Totes! *takes a seat on a barrel*
Patrick Star: *enters the Krusty Krab* Hey guys.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *heads into the Kitchen to cook up some patties for my friend*
Patrick Star: *takes a seat on a barrel with Leni*
Mr. Krabs: *pulls up a barrel and goes to try and get support from my best customer* Hey Roger!
Patrick Star: Uhh, but I thought I was named Patrick.
Leni Loud: Patrick, I was here first.
Patrick Star: No, you weren't, I was.
Mr. Krabs: Guys, settle down, vote for me, Eugene Krabs, as your current and next President of the Krusty Krab!
Leni Loud: You’re not a President!
Patrick Star: Lair!
Mr. Krabs: And why do ye think that?
Patrick Star: Presidents don’t keep money to themselves, they help their whatever they are doing and they don’t drive people to suicide!
Mr. Krabs: *starts getting frustrated* Do you want me as President or not, you buffoons?!!
Leni Loud: No! We don’t want to pay $3.00 for a patty! That's ridiculous!
Mr. Krabs: *grabs out a baseball bat* Plan B it is.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *delivers some Patties to the table and hands Krabs $3 covering Pat and Len’s meal*
Mr. Krabs: *snatches the money* Vote for me!
He leaves.
Squidward Tentacles: *finishes writing my campaign slogan* “Yesterday Krusty, Today Squiddy.” Perfect!
Leni Loud: Hey Squidward!
Squidward Tentacles: What, idiot?
Leni Loud: Are you running for President whatever as well?
Squidward Tentacles: As a matter of fact I am. I will be the greatest president to ever lead this smelly restaurant into actual success, great business decisions and..
Patrick Star: *grabs one of Squidward’s vote buttons and eats it*
Squidward Tentacles: PATRICK!!!
Patrick Star: *burps* Excuse me!
Leni Loud: Your speech bored me! Patrick eats when he gets bored!
Squidward gets redheaded and then grabs a random rake nearby and holds it in the air.
Squidward Tentacles: GO!!!
Leni Loud: *runs away* But it’s still Summer!
Sandy Cheeks, Lynn Jr. and Lola Loud: *walks in*
Sandy Cheeks: Howdy!
Lynn Jr. and Lola Loud: *frowns* Hey Sandy!
Mr. Krabs: Vote for me!
Squidward Tentacles: No me!
Lori Loud: No me!
Lola Loud: No me!
Lynn Loud Jr.: No me!
Sandy Cheeks: Stand down you bottomfeeders! Wow! I just want some Coral Bits.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *serves her some coral bits* Had some laying around.
Lana Loud: *walks in* Sweet!
Sandy Cheeks: Thanks, SpongeBob!
After she eats them.
Lana Loud: *eats worms*
Sandy Cheeks: So I assume somebody is running for President. Of what?
Mr. Krabs: The Krusty Krab.
Squidward Tentacles: Vote for me!
Lori Loud: Vote for me!
Mr. Krabs: Me lassie! I was in three wars! You wouldn’t be livin if it wasn’t for me service!
Sandy Cheeks: Now hold on there you guys. I can’t vote for anybody until I see a list of their campaign promises. Aka, what do you guys plan to do in your endeavor to run for this office?
Squidward Tentacles: Simple! First, no more cardboard paper roofs! It will now be Artificial Wood! Second! We will upgrade from rusty old typewriters to brand new Shell-Pads! With SOS 11! And finally! Work times bump up from 7:30 to 9:30! For sleep!
Old Man Jenkins: *pops up* Works for me!
Mr. Krabs: *slides in pushing Jenkins out of the way*
Old Man Jenkins: I don’t want to be a burden.
Mr. Krabs: Vote for me! So I can continue keeping the Krusty Krab the same along with continuing to incinerate me taxes, bills and electricity payments! Arrgh,Arrgh,Arrgh!
Some Light bulbs flicker out due to a lack of paid electricity bills.
Sandy Cheeks: Hmmmm.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Voting is at 3.
Sandy Cheeks: I’m in!
The Evil Lord J. Master Lox and Sheldon J. Plankton: *walks in*
Plankton: Sweet! Voting! Democratically awesome! Until I rule the world of course.
Lord Master Lox: Yeah.
Mr. Krabs: *grabs Master Lox* Beat it, Skullhead! Big People voting only!
Lord Master Lox: You can’t prevent me from voting!
SpongeBob SquarePants: He’s right! Democratic voting calls for people of ages over the Kid Years and Master Lox, well….
Leni Loud: He’s totes an old geezer!
Lord Master Lox: YOU CALL ME OLD GEEZER YOU STUPID PINHEAD GIRL!
Mr. Krabs: *growls under my breath*
Squidward Tentacles: The rules Eugene! The rules!
Mr. Krabs: Errgh! Fine! If I win, no formuler for you! Stopping you is first priority!
Plankton: Pfft, like I would vote for you anyways.
Lord Master Lox: I vote for you too, Mr. Krabs.
The scene cuts to the ballots just before 3 PM. Patrick, Sandy, Plankton and also Gary The Snail wait in line. Jenkins exits the ballot booth.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Thank you for voting Mr. Jenkins! Hahaha!
Old Man Jenkins: Build that wal–
Lynn Loud Jr.: Absolutely not!
Old Man Jenkins: *leaves*
Leni Loud: *enters the booth but has trouble at a toss up of either voting for Krabs*
A cheapskate always robbing him of his hard earned stolen money or Squidward, whom she thinks is not Presidential material.
Leni Loud: I DIDN’T STUDY! *begins bawling my eyes out*
Squidward Tentacles: *overhears it* JUST WRITE KRABS OR SQUIDWARD! OR JUST SQUIDWARD!
Leni Loud: *grabs out a pencil*
She is about to write but the lead breaks.
Leni Loud: Oh, come on!
Patrick Star: *gives the mayonnaise to Leni* Here you go.
Leni Loud: Thanks!
Patrick Star: *exits*
Leni Loud: *gets out the mayonnaise and writes with that, then finally exits*
Squidward Tentacles: About time.
Plankton: Tell me about it.
Lincoln Loud: Next up Sandy!
Sandy Cheeks: *places my vote in* Southern Style!
Lincoln Loud: Next up Lori!
Lori Loud: *places my vote in* Picture of Bobby!
Lincoln Loud: Next up Luna!
Luna Loud: *places my vote in then plays guitar*
Plankton: *screams* AAAHHHHH! TOO LOUD FOR ME! *covers my ears*
Lincoln Loud: Next up Luan!
Luan Loud: *places my vote in then puts a pie on my face then laughs* Get it?!
Lincoln Loud: Next up Lynn!
Lynn Loud Jr.: *places my vote in* Basketball Player!
Lincoln Loud: Next up Lucy!
Lucy Loud: *places my vote in* Poems!
Lincoln Loud: Next up Lana!
Lana Loud: *places my vote in* Mud pies!
Lincoln Loud: Next up Lola!
Lola Loud: *places my vote in* Pageant Queen!
Lincoln Loud: Next up Lisa!
Lisa Loud: *places my vote in* Science Experiments!
Lincoln Loud: Next up Lily!
Lily Loud: *places my vote in* Poo poo!
Lincoln Loud: Master Lox!
Lord Master Lox: *places my vote in* Inator! Behold, the voting inator! It's my latest invention!
Lincoln Loud: Plankton!
Plankton is about to walk in but can’t help noticing Mr. Krabs giving him dirty looks. He places his vote in. He walks out.
Mr. Krabs: Ye better have voted for me cyclops.
Lincoln Loud: And finally Gary!
Gary the Snail: Meow. Meow.
Gary is carried in since his slithering will take all day. He places his vote in and is carried back out.
Lincoln Loud: Alright now time to place our vote!
SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: *does it*
Time card reading "2:59 PM"
French Narrator: 2:59 PM.
SpongeBob SquarePants: All right! 1 minute until the ballots close! Get ready!
Squidward Tentacles: *grabs out my wish bone and pleads with it to win.
Patrick Star: *falls asleep*
Lisa's experiments with vinegar.
Plankton: *tries finding the formula online*
When nobody is looking, Mr. Krabs sneaks inside.
Mr. Krabs: Heeheehee!
He proceeds to add in several cheat vote slips all labeled “Mr. Krabs,” while having a sinister smile on his face. Unknown to him though, SpongeBob and Lincoln have already taken the real Ballot Box out in case one of the candidates tried to cheat.
Time card reading "3 PM"
French Narrator: 3 PM.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Okay! Time for the results!
Mr. Krabs: Here we go!
Squidward Tentacles: *gets nervous*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Jenkins’ vote goes to.. Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: I knew I could count on ye buddy! Arrgh! Arrgh!
Old Man Jenkins: Oh… I thought Krabs was the name of the octopus.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick’s vote goes to….. Patrick?
Patrick Star: I don’t vote for anybody but Patrick!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Leni’s vote goes to….. Leni? Hey, where's Leni?
Screen cuts to the Loud House.
Leni Loud: Spiders! Ew! Ew! Ew!
Screen cuts to the Krusty Krab.
Sandy Cheeks: Okay.
Lord Master Lox: Moron.
Plankton: Buffoon.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Sandy’s vote goes to… Squidward!
Squidward Tentacles: Yes!
Mr. Krabs: Errgh.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Lori’s vote goes to… Squidward!
Squidward Tentacles: Double yes!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Luna’s vote goes to… Squidward!
Squidward Tentacles: 3 yeses!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Luan’s vote goes to… Squidward!
Squidward Tentacles: 4 yeses!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Lynn’s vote goes to… Squidward!
Squidward Tentacles: 5 yeses!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Lucy’s vote goes to… Squidward!
Squidward Tentacles: 6 yeses!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Lana’s vote goes to… Squidward!
Squidward Tentacles: 7 yeses!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Lola’s vote goes to… Squidward!
Squidward Tentacles: 8 yeses!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Lisa’s vote goes to… Squidward!
Squidward Tentacles: 9 yeses!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Lily’s vote goes to… Squidward!
Squidward Tentacles: 10 yeses!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Master Lox's vote goes to… Squidward!
Mr. Krabs: *destroys Master Lox's inator*
Lord Master Lox: MY INATOR!!!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Plankton’s vote goes to… Squidward!
Mr. Krabs: *kicks Master Lox and Plankton out of the restaurant with quite the foot, in anger*
Lord Master Lox: CURSE YOU, MR. KRABS!!!
Plankton: I’LL DESTROY ALL OF YOU!!!
He lands onto the Chum Bucket Roof.
Plankton: Ouch.
He lands onto his Lair Roof.
Lord Master Lox: Ouch.
SpongeBob SquarePants: And finally, my Gare-Bear’s vote goes to……. Squidward! PRESIDENT SQUIDWARD TENTACLES!!
Ashley Roberts and Lincoln Loud: *claps*
Patrick Star: *falls asleep again*
Gary the Snail: *looks bored*
Squidward Tentacles: WAHOO!!!
Mr. Krabs: DEFICIT!!!
A couple hours pass. Mr. Krabs is in the dining area sniffling and packing up his belongings. Squidward, feeling no remorse, kicks back and relaxes in the chair drinking some tea and happy to become the new Krusty Krab President.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *cleans the Cardboard Roofs when a man with a tag titled “Mr. Hobbs” enters*
Mr. Hobbs: *walks up to Krabs* Excuse me sir. Are you the manager of this restaurant?
Mr. Krabs: Yes uh, wait, no… not anymore. New guy’s in the office over there.
Mr. Hobbs: Alright whatever. *enters the office to talk to President Squidward*
President Squidward Tentacles: Who are you and what do you want?
Mr. Hobbs: My name is Hobbs, or Mr. Hobbs, you can call me either,.. I presume you are the management of this fast food business.
President Squidward Tentacles: President of this soon to be elegant exquisite meals industry! What do you need?
Mr. Hobbs: I am here to inform you that you have 3 days until we shut down any and all production here.
President Squidward Tentacles: WHAT?! Why?!
Mr. Hobbs: *puts on my spectacles and grabs out a long list*
SpongeBob SquarePants, Mr. Krabs and Lincoln Loud: *peeks in hearing Squidward’s loud voice tone*
Mr. Hobbs: The Krusty Krab is neck deep up to economical debt. You need to pay $7,063 for electricity, $4,010 for mortgage, $2500 for Workers Rights, $5550 for the Union and $1862 for any and all missed tax returns. In other words, you should’ve invested or bought a warranty.
Squidward’s eye twitches since he doesn’t have all this cash, let alone ten pennies. Hobbs leaves, like any other agent, with no care in the world.
President Squidward Tentacles: *begins throwing a temper tantrum that his Presidency is pretty much over after just beginning* WHY ME?!! WHY ALWAYS ME?!!!!!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Um, uh, I need to go feed Gary. *scurries out*
Lincoln Loud: I gotta go, bye. *scurries out like SpongeBob did*
Mr. Krabs: Oh arr, it seems you really got quite the money issue here Squidward.
President Squidward Tentacles: BECAUSE OF YOU! IF YOU HADN’T BEEN SUCH A CHEAPSKATE AND ACTUALLY PAID YOUR PAYMENTS ON TIME, WE WOULDN’T BE IN DEBT AND I COULD BE A GOOD PRESIDENT!!!
Mr. Krabs: *takes a seat* There is a reason why I can be such a super cheapskate at times.
President Squidward Tentacles: Pfft, I know, you found a dollar bill in a lady’s purse, snatched it, and have become miserly ever since!
Mr. Krabs: No, it’s because, I don’t want you two to be as that Hobbs guy said, Neck Deep in Debt.
President Squidward Tentacles: *takes a seat* Come again?
Mr. Krabs: I have a system, an anonymous classified one, it covers any and all of your payments at both your house and the boy’s. All your bills, insurance, electricity, whatever, is covered, without having to spend cash. I was able to keep the Krusty Krab open all of these years with this system so that way I wouldn’t pay you money which would lead you right into a slew of financial trouble. That’s why I didn’t want ye to become President, because, if I go, the system goes, and if the system goes, so do your houses, the Krusty Krab, and the very clothes ye wear. Don’t become a cheapskate like me Mr. Squidward, be generous, be thankful and don’t do what I did. Understand?
President Squidward Tentacles: *thinks it over a bit then makes a decision* I resign. You’re the President or should I say boss again.
Mr. Krabs: Thank you, good choice.
President Squidward Tentacles: BUT WHAT IF YOU’RE LYING SO YOU COULD RULE THE ROOST AGAIN?!!
Mr. Krabs: Or how about you need to take your intelligence pill?
President Squidward Tentacles: ……… Welcome back Eugene.
Mr. Krabs: Back at you Mr. Squidward. *picks up a dart and throws it at a picture of Hobbs*
He will never get ahold of Eugene’s money.
Mr. Krabs: Bullseye!
Screen fades in black and it says "THE END". Episode ends.
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