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Bean Consumption Act, Attention Peapodville citizens! Get ready to up your bean intake, because the Bean Consumption Act of 2023 has officially been passed into law.
Starting January 7, 2024, it will be mandatory for all citizens to consume at least one serving of beans per day. But don't worry, you'll have plenty of options to choose from, as employers will be required to provide bean-containing options in their workplace cafeterias and vending machines, and restaurants and food service establishments will need to offer bean-containing dishes on their menus. And if you need some inspiration for how to incorporate beans into your meals, the government will be providing educational materials and recipes to help you out. So go ahead and start practicing your bean consumption now – your health (and the Bean Police) will thank you!
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Bean Consumption Act of 2023
Section 1. Purpose
The purpose of this Act is to ensure that all citizens get their necessary daily intake of beans, for the betterment of both individual and societal health.
Section 2. Definitions
(a) "Beans" shall refer to any member of the legume family, including but not limited to black beans, kidney beans, lentils, and chickpeas.
(b) "Mandatory bean consumption" shall refer to the requirement that all citizens consume at least one serving of beans per day.
Section 3. Requirements
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(a) All citizens shall be required to consume at least one serving of beans per day.
(b) Employers shall provide bean-containing options in their workplace cafeterias and vending machines.
(c) Restaurants and food service establishments shall offer bean-containing dishes on their menus.
(d) The government shall provide educational materials on the health benefits of bean consumption and recipes for preparing beans in a variety of dishes.
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Section 4. Enforcement'''
(a) The Bean Police, a division of the Department of Legume Enforcement, shall be responsible for enforcing this Act.
(b) Any citizen found to be in violation of this Act shall be subject to a fine of $100 for the first offense, $200 for the second offense, and $500 for each subsequent offense.
(c) The Bean Police shall have the authority to enter any residence or place of business to inspect for bean consumption and enforce compliance with this Act.
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Section 5. Exemptions'''
(a) Individuals with a medical condition that contraindicates bean consumption shall be exempt from the requirements of this Act upon submission of a doctor's note to the Bean Police.
(b) Individuals who are able to demonstrate that they consume an equivalent amount of protein and other nutrients from alternative sources may also be exempt from the requirements of this Act upon approval from the Bean Police.
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Section 6. Effective Date'''
This Act shall take effect on January 7, 2024