Guy Misses Out/Transcript

The following is a transcript for the episode "Guy Misses Out".
== ==
(The Trolls are having a party. They are cheering and dancing to the music. Guy Diamond is seen figuring out how to make his grand entrance.)
Guy Diamond: OK, what’s my motivation? I need something galvanizing, larger than life. What if I were to poop cupcakes? No, that’s Cooper’s joke.
Poppy: There you are, Guy! You coming to the party?
Guy Diamond: Of course I’m coming to the party. But I’m still trying to decide how to make my grand entrance.
Poppy: Uh… OK. (She tries to head back to the party, but Guy Diamond stops her.)
Guy Diamond: Wait, Poppy! What’s the vibe in there? Should I go with classic? (He runs off and reappears with words made of glitter.) It’s Diamond Time! Or something more playful? (He runs and comes back in his ball form.) Never fear, Guy Diamond’s here! Or perhaps the misdirect. (He runs off and reappears dressed as Biggie.) Hello, Poppy.
Poppy: Biggie! (Guy Diamond unzips his costume.)
Guy Diamond: Guess again!
Poppy: Do you always carry around a Biggie costume or-
Guy Diamond: Buh-buh-buh! Stay on topic. I can’t go inside until I figure this out! (Poppy hears her friends laughing. She and Guy Diamond go back to the party.)
Poppy: (laughs) What? What’s so funny, gang?
Guy Diamond: Yeah, what did we miss?
Smidge: Guy… Poppy… (wheezes) So funny! The ball, it went to the… And then he was like… (She laughs as she falls to the ground.)
Poppy and Guy Diamond: What?
DJ Suki: See, I was jonesing for a snack, so I was like, “Smidge, hit me with a popcorn ball!”
Smidge: So I did, but my toss went all… Whoa-whoa-whoa!
Satin: And it bounced off my head!
Chenille: And my head.
Cooper: And my butt! (laughs)
Keith: And then it flew all the way over here and landed in Biggie’s drink. And biggie said…
Biggie: Ding-dong! That’s a no-no! (His friends gasp and laugh. Cooper falls to the ground.)
Cooper: I’m gonna cupcake my pants!
Smidge: You’re not wearing pants! (She falls to the ground with Cooper.)
Guy Diamond: I don’t get it. “Ding-dong! That’s a no-no!” Why is that funny?
Smidge: I think you just had to be there. (Guy Diamond grunts and takes out some horns. He blows them and the laughter stops.)
Guy Diamond: OK, enough with the weird joke that none of us gets. DJ, get this party going again!
DJ Suki: You all ready for this?! (She puts in a record that makes dog sounds. The crowd gasps.) Uh… Oops! Wrong record.
Smidge: Ding-dong! That’s a no-no! (She and her friends laugh again.)
Guy Diamond: I’ve missed the best part of the party!
Poppy: Don’t let it put gum in your hair, Guy. It’s just an inside joke.
Guy Diamond: (gasps) An inside joke?! And I’m on the outside.
Poppy: We both are. But there are plenty more where that came from. Just take it in stride.
Guy Diamond: Poppy, do I look like someone who takes things in stride?
Poppy: No?
Guy Diamond: Oh. Sorry. (He uses his hair to form a chair.) How about now?
Poppy: Yes?
Guy Diamond: Good, because I’m totally over it. See? (laughs)
Poppy: (chuckles sheepishly) Oh, that’s great. (Guy Diamond groans. Later, he is doing yoga with Creek.)
Creek: Now, with a deep exhale, let go of all your worries and frustrations. Guy Diamond and three Glitter Trolls exhale and do a pose. Unfortunately, Guy Diamond ends up doing a glitter fart.)
Glitter Troll #1: Hm?
Creek: Ding-dong! That’s a no-no! (The Glitter Trolls laugh at Guy Diamond. Later, he is walking and hears a red male Troll and a pink female Troll crying for help because they are stuck in a pit of quicksand.)
Troll #1: Help! (We can see that the Trolls have nearly sunk down to their chests.)
Troll #2: Help!
Troll #1: It’s quicksand!
Troll #2: We’re sinking!
Guy Diamond: (Taking out a lifebuoy) Here! Grab hold! (He throws the lifebuoy too hard and it flies over the quicksand.)
Troll #1: What?
Troll #2: Ding-dong! That’s a no-no! (He and the pink female Troll laugh as they sink further into the quicksand. Annoyed, Guy Diamond throws another lifebuoy at the Trolls to save them. Later, he attends a comedy show.)
Troll #3: (On the microphone) And, Trolls, if you don’t RSPV to my party, all I can say is, “Ding-dong! That’s a no-no!” (The audience laughs while Guy Diamond remains silent.) Ding-dong! That’s a no-no! Ding-dong! That’s a no-no! (She gets closer to Guy Diamond’s ear.) Ding-dong! That’s a no-no! (Guy Diamond screams in anger. At the Troll Village Market, Poppy is humming a tune and takes out a dress from a closet. She then looks in a mirror.)
Poppy: Huh? (She sees Guy Diamond panting and looking around. She then comes over to him.) Guy? What are you doing?
Guy Diamond: Shh-shh-shh! Don’t distract me. I’m waiting for my opportunity.
Poppy: Opportunity to what?
Guy Diamond: To get… on the inside.
Aspen: All right! (Guy Diamond gasps.) Double scoops! (Just as he licks his ice cream, some of it falls off the cone. Guy Diamond gasps and tries to catch it, but misses.)
Guy Diamond: Ding-dong! That’s a no-no! (He smiles, but the Trolls remain silent.) Ding-dong! That’s a no-no! (He goes over to Poppy.) Hello?! I said the funny line we all love after someone had an accident. You’re required to laugh now.
Smidge: We want to laugh, Guy, but something about the way you just said it was just a little… off.
Guy Diamond: (Stomping his foot) No! I’m in on this joke! Look! (He goes over to a pie shop.) Ding-dong! That’s a no-no! (He throws a pie in his face.) Ding-dong! That’s a no-no! (He throws another pie in his face.) Ding-dong-
Poppy: Guy, stop. (Guy Diamond throws another pie in his face.) This is really important to you, huh?
Guy Diamond: Mm-hm.
Poppy: OK, then how about I give you a little help? (She shows Guy Diamond a chart.) The only way we’ll get this joke is if we tell it lots of ways until we land on the missing variable that makes it funny. Agreed?
Guy Diamond: I love this plan! Proceed.
Poppy: As you see here, I’ve listed all the major elements of comedy. Let’s start with funny faces. (She puts on a mustache.) Ding-dong! That’s a no-no! Hm?
Guy Diamond: Let’s just get to the song (Poppy starts singing. As she does, she teaches Guy Diamond how to be funny.)
(Poppy)
Ain’t nothing stopping us
From being hilarious
If we keep working it out
(Guy Diamond)
We’ll get them slapping knees
With all our parodies
And all our fooling around, yeah
(Both)
I’m setting you up
You’re taking them down
I’ll be the straight man
You’ll be the clown
It feels so good to laugh so loud
Your belly hurts
The tears stream down
Ain’t nothing like that laughter glow
How does it work?
I got to know
Oh, oh-oh, oh, oh-oh-oh, oh,
Oh, tell me, is it funny?
Is it funny like that?
Oh, oh-oh, oh, oh-oh-oh, oh
Oh, tell me, is it funny?
Is it funny like that? (At the end, Poppy and Guy Diamond sit on rocks.)
Guy Diamond: (groans) Not one thing we tried has made this joke funny! Not one!
Poppy: Well, then we shouldn’t try one of them? We should try all of them. Meanwhile, Smidge is jumping over Satin and Chenille’s hair while DJ Suki, Branch, Biggie, and Cooper watch.)
Smidge: And one, and two, and three, and four…
Poppy: (Carrying ice cream) Hey, guys. What are you up to? (She drops her ice cream.) Oh, no! My ice cream!
Guy Diamond: (Appearing in a funny outfit) Ding-dong! That’s a… (He honks a horn.) … no-no! (He takes out a whoopie cushion and sits on it. Then his friends laugh.) I did it! I’m in on the joke! Wachow!
Keith: Uh… Why are you all laughing? That wasn’t funny. (The Trolls gasp.)
Poppy: What do you mean? Of course it was, Keith. (chuckles sheepishly)
Guy Diamond: Yeah, Keith. I applied all the finest comedic elements to the words, and it was hilarious. Right?
Biggie: Well…
Guy Diamond: Wait, were you all… (gasps) … pity laughing? (He takes off his glasses.) The laughter of lies?!
Poppy: (scoffs) What? No. Yes. I am sorry, Guy. I put everyone up to it. It’s just… we weren’t figuring out the joke, and I wanted you to feel included.
Smidge: We all do, Guy. But it’s not like you’re ever gonna get the joke. You just had to be there.
Guy Diamond: Well, if I had to be there, then that’s exactly what I’m going to do! (Later, he gathers some Trolls to recreate the party.) Thank you all for coming on such short notice. Your support means so much to me.
Poppy: Of course! You always have out support, Guy. Also, your invitation didn’t give us much choice. (She opens her invitation.)
Pop-Up: Help! Emergency! If you don’t come, I’m done for!
Guy Diamond: Anyway, I brought you all here for this! (The curtain opens to reveal the party from the beginning of the episode.)
Smidge: We’re having a party, you guys! We’re having a party! (She and Biggie try to enter, but Guy Diamond stops them.)
Guy Diamond: Wait! We’re not having a party. We’re replicating a party.
Smidge: (gasps) We’re replication a party, you guys! WE’RE REPLICATING A PARTY! OH, MY GUH! (She goes to the party and comes back a second later.) Yeah, I’m not following.
Guy Diamond: You said it yourself, Smidge. To get the inside joke, I had to be there. (He takes out a clipboard.) So, after writing down the account of several eye witnesses, I’ve recreated last week’s party down to the exact detail.
All: Ooh! Places everyone! (Later, all the Trolls are standing still.) Uh-huh. Good. No. You were like this. (He fixes a cup held by a yellow male Troll.) Toby, you were doing a spin. (Topy does a head spin. Guy Diamond then goes over to Satin and Chenille.) And Chenille, this says you had brownie stuck in your teeth the whole night, but no-one told you. (He puts some brownie in Chenille’s mouth.)
Chenille: What? (Satin chuckles.)
Guy Diamond: We’re all set. You’re on, Smidge! (He takes out a ball of popcorn.) Remember, it has to ricochet off of Satin and Chenille, then Cooper, and land in Biggie’s cup. So it will require some finesse. (He gives Smidge the popcorn ball and speaks through a megaphone.) Action! (Smidge tries to throw the popcorn ball far, but fails.)
Smidge: Oh, my Guh.
Guy Diamond: Cut! (He runs over to the popcorn ball.) OK, less finesse, more power. Action! (Smidge throws the popcorn ball very far.) Too much power! Too- (The popcorn ball lands in his megaphone. Smidge tries again and the popcorn ball gets smaller the closer it gets to Satin and Chenille.)
Smidge: OH, MY GUH!
Guy Diamond: Cut! (Smidge throws the ball again and it hits some food stuff and a tree branch. Then it lands on Mr. Dinkles.)
Mr. Dinkles: Meep.
Guy Diamond: Cut! (Smidge throws the popcorn into the chocolate fountain and chocolate flies into Cooper’s face.) No! (He does a face palm.) OK, we’re going again, people, right away! (The Trolls groan.)
Poppy: Guy, come on. This has got to be the last shot. Everyone’s had enough. Look at poor Toby.
Toby: Make it stop! Make it stop! (His hair drills a hole in the ground.)
Guy Diamond: I understand. Smidge? (He gives the popcorn ball to Smidge.) Please focus, Smidge! This is our last chance. (Smidge groans and throws the popcorn ball. It hits Satin and Chenille and Cooper and lands on Biggie’s cup. The Trolls gasp.)
Smidge: Oh, my Guh. (Guy Diamond shrieks nervously. The popcorn ball falls into Biggie’s cup.)
Biggie: Ding-dong! That’s a no-no! (All the Trolls laugh.)
Guy Diamond: (gasps) I… I get it. I get it! Ding-dong! That’s a no-no!
Keith: Now that’s funny!
Guy Diamond: Yes, yes! Ding-dong! That’s a no-no! Ding-dong! That’s a no-no! (He goes over to Poppy.) Ding-dong! Who’s there? A no-no!
Smidge: You get it, Guy! You get it!
Guy Diamond: Ding-dong! That’s a no-no! Ding-dong! That’s a no-no! (Dramatically) Ding-dong! That’s a no-no! (The Trolls stop laughing.)
Poppy: And you killed it.
All: Uh-huh.
Guy Diamond: Oh, come on!
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