The Diet of Worms (audio story)

was the forty-fourth Bernice Summerfield audio story released by Big Finish Productions. It was the fourth story of the ninth season.
== Publisher's summary ==
The Depository is a vast store of the literary remains of Earth's cultural greats: Charles Darwin, Martin Luther, Wilkie Collins, Barbara Cartland.
Benny's heard that there's a job going, and thinks that it might offer just the kind of stable environment that her son requires. It has friendly bars, a reliable atmosphere shield, a fantastic patisserie run by a robot called Mrs Tishpishti — and no history of alien invasion.
But you know where you are with an alien invasion. Or you do, at least, if you're Bernice Summerfield. And even she has never encountered a monster whose main objective is to tell her that she doesn't look very good in trousers.
== Plot ==
Benny arrives at the Depository for a job interview, but Mrs Bunnage informs her that the post she applied for has been abolished due to cuts and gives her a compensatory voucher for a coffee and a pastry at the Buttery, a café where Peter is being looked after by the robot baker Mrs Tishpishti. The café is briefly visited by Panthea Vyne before she heads to the Depository to read Beauty or Brains by Barbara Cartland, previously thought lost after the Dalek Wars, into a dictaphone. As she does so, she hears a voice which continues reading for her and which seems to come from a creature which chews its way out of a box before she can find it. 
Panthea tells Benny and Mrs Tishpishti about what happened and plays them her recording, getting the reluctant Benny to agree to help by pointing out how it could help her get a job. Unbeknownst to them, Mrs Bunnage and Examiner Quick are looking into the destruction of various books and documents at the Depository. Benny and Panthea find and chase a bookworm in the upper reading room, but are kicked out of the Depository by robots for being there without a ticket before they can capture it and discover why it speaks in random quotations. This leaves them separated from Peter, who is read a bedtime story by Mrs Tishpishti.
Looking at what seem to be the shredded remains of Beauty or Brains, Panthea spills Lambrusco as she refills Benny's glass and the shreds react to it. They return to the Buttery in the morning and find that Mrs Tishpishti has captured two bookworms, one of which asks to be called Barbara and can recite Cartland's Etiquette for Love and Romance. Benny realises that the bookworms are eating and absorbing manuscripts and Peter gives her diary to one of them, embarrassing her with private information but giving the bookworm the right vocabulary to answer their questions. When it is unable to give an answer, they write down words on paper for it to eat and use, but they are unable to learn much from it.
Whilst Benny and Panthea head into the reading rooms with the Benny bookworm, Peter and Mrs Tishpishti try to smuggle Barbara into Mrs Bunnage's study in a birthday cake to stop her and the Examiner, but they find that it has disappeared and are kicked out. The bookworm Charles Darwin informs Benny that his partner, Martin Luther, is soon to give birth and that the entire Depository will be devoured by his young within half an hour. Benny, Panthea and the bookworms are sealed inside as Mrs Bunnage and the Examiner begin the fumigation, unaware of the two humans' presence there.
Barbara, having devoured Mrs Bunnage's correspondence, exposes Mrs Bunnage as the one responsible for ordering and setting loose the bookworms to ensure increased funding for the Depository, unaware that they would be changed by eating alien paper. Peter gets into the study with Mrs Tishpishti's help and tries to stop the fumigation, but the process is automatic and Mrs Bunnage's only consolation is to allow Peter to speak to Benny over the intercom. Panthea remembers the alien paper reacting to the Lambrusco and she and Benny tell the others about it, leading them to blow up the pipe releasing the gas. To protect the bookworms and keep the eggs from spreading, Panthea swallows them.
Mrs Bunnage is dismissed as Bibliotaph of the Depository and Mrs Tishpishti suggests that Panthea succeed her, with Benny declining on account of Peter's wishes and having had enough of the place. Benny receives a data-pod which, after confirming her identity, tells her that it contains a message from Bev Tarrant. Peter remarks that this means that the fun is over.
== Cast ==
* Bernice Summerfield - Lisa Bowerman
* Peter Summerfield - Thomas Grant
* Panthea Vyne - Catherine Harvey
* Myrtle Bunnage / Mrs Tishpishti / Robots - Beth Chalmers
* Examiner - Matthew Sweet
* Robots - Ralf Collie
== Worldbuilding ==
* Benny is in possession of several unpublished Sherlock Holmes stories, including The Cautionary Disappearance of Ludwig Cooray and The Adventure of the Diogenes Damsel.
* Peter bakes meringues.
* Panthea reads Beauty or Brains by Barbara Cartland. Its plot begins with the arrival of the Marquis of Sherwood at the Gaiety Theatre.
* Cartland also wrote: 
** A Hazard of Hearts
** A Kiss of Silk
** A Halo for the Devil
** A Miracle in Mexico
** Love at the Helm
** Love at First Sight
** Love at the Ritz
** Love Climbs In
** Love and the Loathsome Leopard
** A Virgin in Mayfair
** A Virgin in Paris
** The Peaks of Ecstacy
** Punishment of a Vixen
** The Lady and the Highwayman
** Punished with Love
** Flowers for the God of Love
** Helga in Hiding
** Diona and Dalmation
** Ola and the Sea Wolf
** Etiquette for Love and Romance
* Panthea uses a dictaphone.
* Mrs Bunnage is the Bibliotaph.
* Mrs Tishpishti gives Panthea a baklava.
* Hecate Hussain is a student who is always up to pranks.
* Martin Luther was the father of the Protestant Reformation.
* Wilkie Collins's letters have been eaten.
* Mrs Bunnage says that aliens never invade Hull.
* Mrs Tishpishti rhetorically asks Peter if Benny has ever heard of shampoo.
* Benny drinks Lambrusco.
* Mrs Tishpishti makes cheese scones.
* Mrs Bunnage offers the Examiner toast.
* Mrs Bunnage drinks coffee.
* Mrs Bunnage's mother is in hospital. She sent Mrs Bunnage cheap champagne and a birthday card signed by her nurses.
* Barbara Cartland wrote on paper from McZygon of the Strand near Charing Cross.
== Notes ==
* This audio drama was recorded on 1 June 2008.
* The story's director, Toby Longworth, is known for being one of Big Finish's regular actors.
* This story was originally released on CD on 31 October 2008.LATEST AND UPCOMING RELEASES - Archived on 08-10-2010
* A download version was released on 23 May 2022.Weekly Deal announcement for Bernice Summerfield Series 9-11 available on download
== Continuity ==
* Benny comes to the depository to deliver some unpublished Sherlock Holmes books. (AUDIO: The Adventure of the Diogenes Damsel)
* Benny's CV includes experience with Sea Devils. (AUDIO: The Poison Seas)
* Benny mentions that she has recently encountered zombies (AUDIO: Beyond the Sea) and travelled through time. (AUDIO: The Adolescence of Time, The Adventure of the Diogenes Damsel)
== Footnotes ==
== External links ==
Category:Bernice Summerfield sources
Category:Series 9 (BFBS) audio stories
Category:Stories set in the 27th century
Category:One part audio stories