Take Me To Your Leader

Take Me to Your Leader is the sixty-first episode of Cult of Squid. It released on December 6th, 2022 and was written by Locknloaded23 and Purple133.
==Plot==
After a small skirmish with the Snowflakes, Squidward comes face to face with their leader.
==Transcript==
(Episode begins at the Snowflakes’ lodge with Fate and Blue drinking hot chocolate)
Fate: Mmm. This hot chocolate is exquisite, Blue.
Blue: Thanks, Fate. Just like my mom used to make. Until, you know… they killed her.
Fate: (Shrugs) Well, such is life. Everyone dies, there’s nothing that can be done. Eventually, I will pass away, and that is fine by me.
Blue: Sometimes my own mortality scares me. What will I do when I pass? How will I be remembered?
Fate: Live life to its fullest. Don’t worry about death. That will only keep you paranoid and drag you down. 
Blue: (Sighs) Yeah… Yeah, you’re right. I can’t live life if I-
(There’s a loud knock on the door, interrupting the conversation)
Blue: Oh, come on, we were in the middle of something!
Fate: Open the door, Blue.
Blue: Why me?
Fate: Because, you’re closer.
(Blue sighs as he walks over to the door and looks through a peephole to see Markers holding up a piece of paper)
Blue: Is that… Markers?
Fate: Markers? Doctor Markers? I wasn’t expecting him to ever come back here. Let him in.
(Blue opens the door and Markers walks in)
Markers: Don’t worry guys, I’ve returned.
Fate: This certainly is a surprise. I never thought you’d come back. (Notices Markers is holding a strange object) Say, Doc, What are you holding?
Markers: It’s a spell from the Book of the Damned that I was going to use against the Cult, but I think it would be better if I used it with you two so that we can defeat them together!
Fate: Well, what does it do?
Markers: It’ll help us find their location, wherever that may be, so we can stamp them out of existence once and for all!
Fate: Hmmm… Let me look at it.
(Markers goes to hand Fate the crystal object but he drops it on the floor)
Markers: Oh whoops, that’s my bad.
(An orange fog seeps out of the shattered remains of the object)
Fate: (Points gun at Markers) Alright, Markers, you better tell us what you want. You are really trying my patience here.
Markers: Woah, woah, no need to pull out your gun. All I need is my book back. 
Fate: Your book? (Drops gun) Why do you want your book? We only used it once, it didn’t even work. What’s the point of the theatrics?
Markers: My entertainment. I’ll be taking that book now. 
(Blue starts coughing)
Fate: You feeling okay, Blue?
Blue: Not really, I have a bad cough.
Fate: A bad cough is too vague. There must be more to it.
(Fate behind violently coughing)
Fate: (coughing) Well, neither of us are sick, so there must be some type of irritant in this room with us. (Looks down at his feet and sees the shattered crystal, still fogging the room; he slowly lifts his head to Markers) Markers, what is in this crystal?
Markers: I dunno, some gypsy gave me it.
Fate: (Violently coughs) Well, I don't see any reason for you to lie. (Continues coughing)
Markers: Honestly, it’s just kind of fun for me. I do it for the satisfaction of deceit. 
Fate: (coughs) has anybody ever told you that you’re actually the worst, Markers?
Markers: Plenty of times! 
(Blue coughs so hard he passes out in his chair)
Fate: (Runs towards Blue, realizes he is unconscious; starts coughing very loudly) Markers, you know you'll never get away with this - you are messing with a force that you cannot comprehend!
Markers: I know, but I’ll have more firepower than you could ever dream of. I know a guy.
Fate: (Coughs) You. Are. DEAD (Has a violent cough fit until he passes out)
Marker: (Chuckles) They call you the smartest man in Bikini Bottom, and yet you couldn't tell this was a trap.
(The camera focuses on Fate's face as he cracks a subtle but noticeable smirk; Markers walks down the hall to a door which he opens and grins; fade to the Cult in the old Komrades base; Squidward and Krabs walk upstairs into the main hall holding a box of rations)
Squidward: BREAKFAST TIME!
Noseward: What?
Squidward: I found RATIONS! 
Krabs: WE FOUND RATIONS!
Plankton: What types?
Krabs: LETS FIND OUT!
Plankton: Wait, now hold on. How do we know this is safe?
Squidward: Plankton, I am so hungry I couldn’t care less. It’s food, let’s just enjoy it. This is likely the only food we’ll be getting up in these cold mountains anyway.
(Krabs and Squidward throw the box onto the table and pry it open to reveal a bunch of kelp bars)
Krabs: Kelp Bars? Bleh, I hate Kelp Bars.
Squidward: Well, this is our only food for a while.
Krabs: I can survive long periods of time without eating. In fact, I haven’t eaten since last week.
Squidward: Impressive. How do you do it?
Krabs: I learned how to while in the Navy. It’s crucial for survival in case you get stranded in the middle of nowhere or something. That only happened one time, and I just barely survived. In fact, I hate me crewmate.
(There’s a knock at the door)
Security: Who could that be?
Crayons: I’ll get it. 
(Crayons stands up and goes to answer the door; he opens the door and sees Markers)
Crayons: MARKERS?! EVERYONE, OFFENSIVE POSITION!
(Crayons pulls a gun on Markers)
Markers: Hey, woah! I come in peace!
Crayons: You always claim you mean no harm and always end up (dolphing chirp)ing us over. You better state why you’re here right now or there will be a hole in your head the size of a bullet.
Squidward: Jesus, Crayons, you’re being more aggressive than usual.
Crayons: I can never trust a single word out of this dude’s mouth after everything he’s tried. Come on, you remember everything he’s done to us, right?
Markers: Crayons, with all due respect, do you see any sort of weapons on me? Any at all?
Crayons: (Inspects Markers; slowly drops gun) I guess… I guess not at all.
Squidward: Alright, Markers, tell us why you’re here.
Markers: I just escaped the clutches of those Snowflake guys, I think they’re still after me.
Squidward: Wait, they captured you? What did they want with you?
Crayons: AND YOU LED THEM DIRECTLY TO US?!
Markers: I have no idea what they wanted. I just, uh-
Security: Stole the Book of the Damned and left us for dead at Phoenix Plaza?
Markers: Yeah, that. After that, I wandered up North and the next thing I knew, I was kidnapped.
Krabs: How did you escape, then?
Markers: That isn’t important. What you need to-
Squidward: No, Markers, I’d say that’s pretty damn important. 
Markers: Uh… I escaped because… I still have the book?
(Markers pulls the Book of the Damned out of his lab coat pocket)
Crayons: (Suddenly stands up) Wait, why the HELL do you still have that book?!
Markers: What, did you think I was just gonna get rid of it? Come on, guys, do you take me for an idiot? 
Plankton: Do you want an honest answer, or…
(There’s a gunshot in the distance and everyone in the room freezes)
Crayons: I can’t have been the only one to hear that.
Markers: Well, someone probably shot someone else. But… wait… there is no one else up here besides us and the Snowflakes… and they wouldn’t shoot eachother… so that has to have been… A WARNING SHOT!
Squidward: Calm down. I’m sure there’s a good reason for that gunshot.
(Squidward peeps out the window and sees Fate, Blue, and two other fish wearing blue hoodies standing outside, holding a gun, which they continue to fire in the air)
Squidward: CRAP, MARKERS WAS RIGHT! HERE THEY COME
Fate: Come outside and we can sort this out guys, come on. We don’t want this to turn violent.
(Fate fires 3 more shots into the air as he motions for everyone to come outside; Squidward walks out the door with a shotgun aimed right at Fate’s head)
Squidward: What. Are you doing here.
Fate: Squidward, we come in peace.
Squidward: Prove it. Drop your gun.
Fate: Drop yours first.
Squidward: NO, YOU DROP YOURS FIRST!
Fate: ONLY IF you promise not to fire.
Squidward: JUST DROP THE DAMN GUN BEFORE I COUNT TO 3 IF YOU STILL WANT YOUR HEAD INTACT!
(Fate slowly turns around as he tosses his gun in the distance; eventually, Squidward calms down as he too slowly drops his shotgun)
Squidward: (Quiet tone) Alright. Fine. Just tell me why you’re here.
Fate: Squidward, I believe we have a common enemy here. 
Squidward: A common enemy? You mean like, Phoenix?
Fate: No, Squidward. It’s Dr. Markers.
Squidward: (Pause) Markers?
Fate: Yes, Markers tricked us. He came into our base, stole an old spell book, and knocked myself and Blue unconscious. 
Squidward: Well… Markers is with us.
Fate: Markers is with you? Did you orchestrate this attack?
Squidward: No, he just arrived a few minutes ago.
(Fate has a long pause as he looks as if he is pondering something; Squidward stares at him with suspicious and angry eyes)
Fate: So… Markers is screwing with all of us?
Squidward: It would seem so. Listen, you guys can go take him if you want. 
Fate: We’ll gladly take him. Just bring him out.
Squidward: CRAYONS. BRING MARKERS OUT HERE.
(After a short silence, Markers comes out holding the Book of the Damned, with Crayons pointing a gun at his back)
Squidward: Markers, it appears you had a previous skirmish with these folks. Tell us everything. Tell us how you escaped. Tell us how you did it. Tell us EVERYTHING.
(Squidward sees the cultists drop asleep inside) 
Markers: I knocked all these dweebs unconscious.
Squidwrad: And how might you have gone through with that?
Markers: Pffft, please, Squidward. I have access to the most powerful spell book on the planet, you think there wasn’t a sleeping spell in here? 
Squidward: So what’s your game, Markers?
Markers: Honestly? It’s just entertaining for me. 
Fate: You’re lying. Even you can’t be that disconcerted with your own self preservation. 
Markers: Maybe so. Well………. This was fun, but I best be going.
Crayons: (Shoves gun at Markers) You aren’t going ANYWHERE, unless you want to die.
Markers: That’s what YOU think, pointdexter. I’m afraid the fun is only just beginning. Smell ya later!
(Markers quickly opens the book, recites a chant, and disappears into a cloud of flames; Squidward picks up his shotgun and tries shooting at him, but he is gone before the bullets reach)
Squidward: (Angry sigh) Well. He’s gone. Again. Markers once again eludes our grasp.
Fate: Tell you what, Squidward. You and I have very similar goals. Why can’t we just co-exist?
Squidward: Go on, I’m listening.
Fate: Let’s set aside all our differences and form an alliance. We have nothing to gain by fighting. Let’s just call a ceasefire.
Squidward: (Ponders for a while, before letting out a long sigh) Fine. Truce.
(Squidward and Fate shake hands)
Fate: Excellent. Now, there’s somebody I need you to meet if we’re to co-exist. 
Squidward: Who?
Fate: My boss. 
Squidward: (Pause) Fine. Let’s do this. Let’s meet your boss. Should I bring my own men?
Fate: I’d prefer it just be you. The boss gets pretty rowdy around a crowd.
Squidward: Alright. Alright, fine.
Fate: Follow me.
(Fate and the other Snowflakes lead Squidward back to their base)
Blue: Nice to have you back, Squiddy.
Squidward: Don’t push it, Blue. So when do I get to meet this leader guy anyways?
(Fate pushes open the door to the Snowflakes cabin and there’s a looming figure sitting in a red chair by the fireplace)
Fate: Boss?
(No response)
Fate: Boss. It’s Fate. I brought who you wanted to see.
Boss: (Moment of silence) Hello, Brother Squidward. I’ve been expecting you for some time now.
Squidward: I have to ask, who exactly are you?
Boss: (turns around in chair to reveal a large crab wearing a Soviet era parka and a Russian hat) you can call me Jerry.
Squidward: Jerry, huh? What’s with the getup?
Jerry: I could ask you the same thing. Flakes, clear the room. 
(Fate leads everyone to a different room in the cabin)
Squidward: What am I doing here, Jerry? Why did you wish to see me?
Jerry: We’re here to make some agreements, Squidward.  I want this to go as peacefully as possible, like you probably do. 
Squidward: Agreements? Such as?
Jerry: Such as territorial boundaries, what belongs to who, so forth and so on.
Squidward: You called me here to draw up a map?
Jerry: (suddenly begins talking in a pirate accent) ARGH! Hello tharr, Brother Squidward! You can call me Clawbeard the Pirate! I don’t believe we’ve met before, yarrr!
Squidward: Clawbear- what?! I thought you were Jerry!
Jerry: Let me find a map for us to draw our boundaries upon!
(Jerry stands up and walks to grab a crude paper map labeled “The North”, he sits down and hands Squidward a crayon)
Jerry: I’ll cutcha a deal, lass. My Snowflakes take everything on this side of the line (points toward the right side of the map), and you cultists take everything else. And arrr, the mountain is ours as well. 
Squidward: Why do you want the east mountains in specific? What’s up there that I shouldn’t have? 
Jerry: (begins talking backwards) gnihtemos tnatropmi pu ereht!  s’ereht
Squidward: Dude, what? I’m not following you at all.
Jerry: Answer my question, lass, what’ll it be?
Squidward: I get this half, you get that half. Not really equal, but you really want that mountain. 
Jerry: (very Russian accent) equal, you say?
Squidward: What?
Jerry: Da, it isn’t very equal. I belief ve need to change zat. 
(Jerry erases the original line and draws a new line directly down the center, still keeping the mountain for himself)
Squidward: What’s under there that all of you want so bad?
Jerry: Da, is not important vight now, Comrade Squid.
Squidward: Comrade?! Are you part of the Komrades?!
Jerry: (Talking normally all of the sudden) Don’t be silly. The Komrades are all dead. 
(Squidward is too confused to even comment)
Jerry: So? Do we have a deal?
Squidward: Listen, I’m willing to sign a deal. But first, you gotta tell me what exactly is so important about the large stake of land you wish to claim.
Jerry: It’s nothing, just agree already!
Squidward: No, first I want an explanation. What are you hiding?
Jerry: (Suddenly shouting as Clawbeard) I AIN’T HIDIN’ NOTHIN’, YE SCALLYWAG! (Suddenly talking in Russian) Just tell me if you accept deal or no (Suddenly talking in normal accent) os ew t’nod evah a melborp (talks totally normally) I DON’T WANT TO FIGHT!
Squidward: Dude, are you trying to play a joke one me?! It isn’t funny! Tell me what you want, what you’re hiding, or we have NO DEAL!
(Jerry grumbles angrily before delivering a brutal punch onto Squidward, who gets knocked to the floor)
Jerry: THE DEAL. IS OFF.  
(The camera focuses on Squidward’s on the floor as Jerry and company walks away, but Jerry stops at the door)
Jerry: I hate to tell you this, Squidward, but you just made a powerful enemy today. 
(Jerry slams the door shut as the camera focuses on Squidward on the floor; fade to black)
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