Solaricks

Ss this is how it ends.
I thought I was
better than this.
Dramatic voiceover
while stranded in space?
I-I guess when you're dying,
The first thing to go
is your creativity.
Citadel's gone...
And... and the saucer we
escaped in is out of power...
Aw, man, I'm so scared in here.
Rick:
The extra mortys went feral.
[ morty screams ]
Eh, some problems
solve themselves.
Been drinking a lot.
Morty!
I told you to write this down!
I-I don't have a helmet
like that avengers guy did.
Been drinking a lot of my piss.
Portal gun's still broken.
Guess that was all part of
evil morty's plan.
"evil morty."
can we stop flattering this guy?
His "plan"
was to monologue and [bleep] off
He basically threw a tantrum
To announce he was
quitting twitter.
Nobody quits twitter.
Hey, remember like a second ago
When you pretended not to know
who iron man was?
Who was that for?
Shh, shh, shush, morty.
This is how we go.
Bear it with grace.
Spinal cord... robitussin
as a base, then surprise me.
[ groans ]
[ glass clinking ]
Mom!
Beth maybe!
[ mouthing words ]
Is she trying to say something?
We... we can't hear you!
How dumb are...
Beth, you're in a vacuum!
Sound travels on air!
Why am I yelling?
Wow, great.
Yeah, that's...
Wow, really worth it.
That was not worth it!
It's corny.
You. Corn.
Dying of starvation here!
Oh, my god.
Stop explaining.
Stop explaining!
Are you finished?
She's not finished.
Oh, real mature,
r-real classy.
Oh, nice.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
It was a good line, honey.
I didn't need it to be.
I don't care what you think.
Oh, my god, she found you.
Here, eat, eat, eat.
Oh, hell yes!
Hold on, buddy,
Our systems could go into shock
from solid food.
Digestibot,
convert to nutrient mass.
[ digestibot whirring ]
[ ding! ]
I'm just gonna risk it.
Mmm.
Since when you do you guys
get stranded?
Thank you, by the way.
Almost left them out there.
Portal travel's broken.
Mmm, are these
heirloom tomatoes?
Digestibot, try these.
Yum. Yum.
So you can't hop realities
anymore.
Does that mean you'll finally
have to wash your robe?
Good point, I need to reboot
the portal index immediately.
Basically just a hard reset
on the fluid.
Hold tight,
the earth's gonna shake a bit.
[ electricity crackling,
loud rumbling ]
Um...
Oh!
Ohh, [bleep]
Wait, what?
W-what's happening?
Instead of resetting
portal travel,
I may have reset
portal travelers.
Too late to apologize.
Rick, why am I pulsing green?
And don't say you don't know
because you're pulsing green.
Rick, are we about to die?
No, we're about to vanish
from this reality.
That's totally dying!
No, it isn't.
It's everyone from this reality
returning to
Their reality of origin.
Back to our original universes?
I explained it fine, morty.
You're spoonfeeding spoons!
W-where's summer? Oh,
nice, you guys are back.
Whoa. Summer. Three of
us are one-way blind hopping.
You gotta help us get back.
There's a protocol for this
In your chore server,
filename booger aids.
Every file is booger aids!
I-I hate naming things!
Just search for words like
"one way blind hop
reset nav beacon."
Why do I have a
"reality of origin?"
There's no time
to explain, jerry!
Counting on you,
summer! One way blind hop
Beacon protocol!
Here we gooooo!
[ pulsating ]
So there was time to explain.
Don't waste extra
precious seconds
With your pettiness, jerry!
Summer, let's run down
- - one way blind hop
Reset beacon booger aids.
Cool.
Wow. There was so
much time to explain!
Yes! Fine, hindsight is 20-20!
Who has ever taken
this long to vanish?
How did I end up not
in my own universe?!
Oh, my god. The jerryboree!
Ohhhhhhhh, the jerryboree.
Ohhhhhhhh, the jerryboree.
Deep cut.
Wait, but where's our real
dad and our real morty?
Buried in the backyard!
That's what the
possums are after.
Dad's got you in the
family business too, huh?
Yeah, morty's an easy mark,
but rick pays me in things like...
Wolverine claws.
Whelp, looks like you got this.
See you guys in
another two years?
Or you could stick
around for this one?
Looks like it involves
grandpa's grody citadel.
We could, you know,
break things, loot stuff.
Should probably get back to...
Saving the galaxy.
Please!
Uh... Guess I could
loot some stuff.
Fine, yeah, okay,
let's make it quick.
Awesome, I've never
been. Let's do this.
Okay, adventure family! Whoo!
[ laughs ] uh, okay.
[bleep]
♪♪
Excuse me? Bro,
ricks don't pass on this.
Woman: Rick? Is that you?
Yeah... Diane.
You've been gone so long.
Did you find our
daughter's killer?
Not yet, sorry. Still looking.
You'll find him. You
always do everything
You set your mind to.
Except keep your family alive.
But that was hardly your fault!
Mute.
If I could be
muted, I wouldn't be
[voices overlapping]
too-too-too good at haunting
You, would I, you dirty bear?
Yeah, forgot I
wanted to be haunted.
I guess you predicted you might.
That's where haunting
comes in handy, huh?
Very good point, sugar.
♪♪
Rick?
[ animals calling in distance ]
Hello? Original family?
Sorry about last time.
Rick, he was in space prison.
W-we couldn't just... hello?
- [ roaring ]
- [ screams ]
♪♪
Aw, geez.
♪♪
[ gasps ]
♪♪
Ahh.
[ can clanking ]
[ grunts ] ah, [bleep]
Damn it, morty, there's
no doctors anymore.
Dad?
♪♪
Figures it's underwhelming
the one time I visit.
Yeah, sorry, usually
there's cowboy
Rick and mortys and stuff.
Oh, looks like they
could use a couple
Repairman rick
and mortys, right?
Oh, tight, little
scavenger dudes!
If they shoot at
us I'm allowed to...
Do this.
[bleep] yeah!
Space mom, get in on this!
Cool mom!
Let's keep it moving.
I don't have all day.
I got it!
[ screaming ]
I got it! I got it!
Sorry!
Sorry!
I got it. Sorry!
I was gonna do it.
Ugh. Terrestrials, am I right?
Diane: I kept up the
search in your absence.
You want a new list
of potential locations?
You're always just
one room away, huh?
Yeah, uh, remember?
You thought if you
could see or touch me,
It might give you a level
of com-com-comfort.
Right. Can't have that.
Come on, summer.
Who's summer?
Should I be jealous?
I hope summer knows what
happens to the people you love!
[ doorbell rings ]
Hey, rick!
Hey, mr. Goldmanbachmajorian.
S-still alive, huh? W-what's up?
I was wondering if you
could help me make sense of
A note I found this morning?
It's written by someone
claiming to be me.
They say my mind is
held captive in a time loop,
Trapped in the day
of a traumatic event
By the agony of a
formidable intelligence.
But also that my captor
forgot about aging...
That my body spoils
and yearns for death
While my soul
remains stuck in place,
Caught like a fly in amber.
Right. I used to drink drink.
Uh, no clue pal. That's okay.
I found other notes
in the trash just like it.
Poor weirdo. I pity them.
Wish they could
let go and move on.
Sounds healthy. Sure would be!
Ohhhhhh!
Sweet death.
Diane: Was that symbolic?
Are you letting go?
I understand,
baby. I forgive you...
You don't get to say
that! You're not her.
You're a thing I
built to torture myself.
This whole [bleep]
timeline is cursed.
I gotta get out of here.
Because you want to move on.
Because I don't.
And [burps] I have to.
I came back on accident.
Guy I'm looking for, he's...
He's not findable, diane.
I live with a version
of beth, now.
Sounds like a version of nice.
We have grandkids.
Tha... that's who summer is.
She's gonna get me out of here.
She reminds me of you.
Oh, really? Is she dead too?
Bye, diane.
You're not honestly
gonna fly into
That rift without
coordinates, are you?
Don't give up on us, rick!
I don't make the rules!
Haunters gonna haunt!
♪♪
Diane: Baby? Are
you killing yourself?
I'm more embracing the
"win win" of risking my life.
[ inhales deeply ]
♪♪
[ computer beeping rapidly ]
♪♪
Where's mom and summer?
Oh, they're gone.
Sorry, morty. Gone gone?
We spent a long
time in that ice.
A gentle mutant licked us out,
but beth got sick, and summer...
Didn't thaw right. [ grunts ]
With no one left to blame, I
finally had to deal with myself.
Buried my grief
at barnes & noble.
"four agreements,"
"eat pray love,"
Frank miller's "the
dark knight returns."
Learned to accept
things for what they are.
[ grunts ]
In a few of these, the
whole brain is still intact.
Makes you wonder if some
people were still in there,
Just trapped in the horror.
Anyway, it's awesome protein.
I'm so sorry, dad.
But my real, original
dad beat the apocalypse.
I-I-I guess we all
underestimated you.
Hey, w-what's that
game we always used to
Try to play as a family, y...
The one we never finished?
Downbeat. Yes!
Let's play downbeat.
I-I bet I can find it!
We can finish now.
Yeah, you should
totally do that.
Hey, yeah, cool, I-I got it!
We'll play downbeat and
we'll... we'll camp here
Tonight and then
rebuild the house.
You know, we got
food, fresh water,
And we've got family.
The [bleep]
Jerry: Morty. I wrote
this note in advance
In case you're wondering
how I left so fast.
My plan is to wait for
you to turn your back,
Then I'm going to grab
all your shit and split.
Depending on how long
you were out of the room,
You'll probably be thinking
I can't be that far away
And you'll want to foll...
[ grunts ]
Jerry: Morty, wrote this
fast 'cause had to set trap.
Thought you'd have cooler
shit. See other note, bye.
Mother[bleep]
Morty: Whoa-whoa!
Slow down! Slow down!
Not cool! Oh!
What the hell, dad?
Don't take it personal, morty.
That's one of the
four agreements.
I don't remember the
other three, but I know
Commissioner gordon was
cool with batman moving on.
Batman doesn't abandon people!
You abandoned us.
I deserve that.
But, you know, it...
It improved you.
Oh, am I cool
enough for you now?
Well, that was easy.
It only cost me
[bleep] everything.
Whoa, hey, I-I... You
came back and talked
About us like we
weren't people, morty!
Then you bailed
and left us to freeze!
I-I was apologizing
for that earlier...
Your mom and sister died, morty!
[ sighs ] and I moved on.
From caring.
And that is the best
deal you will ever get.
So take it. Please don't go.
I-if rick comes back, we ca...
We can find you a new reality,
A new mom, new summer, a... Job!
Oh, you don't get it, kid.
Except for this conversation,
my life is perfect.
Rick was always right.
Everyone needs to let go.
[ crying ]
[ footsteps galloping ]
Aww, you came back.
I guess we really
did form a bond.
Ow! Hey, stop it!
Get away from me! No, help!
Alright, pin dropped, grandpa!
Come and get us.
♪♪
Rick: Come on, come on, come on!
Diane: Baby? Something
to keep in mind...
If you were pulled home
by whatever happened,
It's likely our
target was, as well.
It's also likely he's having as
much trouble leaving as you are.
He's trapped.
[ monitor beeping ]
Summer: Grandpa!
Oh, [bleep] yes!
Grandp... Andpa?
Summer! Gold star,
always believed in you.
N-now the hard part. Hard part?
Way worse things than
me can see that beacon, too.
Hunker down and protect
it while I grab morty.
Rick out! Try to survive!
Oh, [bleep]
Domestic mom should hide maybe?
"domestic mom"?
I mean, she's the
cool space one.
Look, I'm not looking to get
caught in whatever this is.
You guys can both
hide maybe, hash it out.
Oh, quit talking down!
I'm you with the
patience to do laundry.
Summer: Mom, stop
being jealous of our bond!
She ran from our choices.
I have to parent them.
It's not like I didn't care.
That's what the clone was for.
Aah!
Moms!
[ panting, sobbing ]
[ whooshing ]
Morty!
Rick? I knew it!
I knew you wouldn't leave me!
Ow! The [bleep]
Morty, did you see
another rick here?
Nondescript
haircut, sci-fi jacket?
Eh, of course you didn't
see him, you'd be dead.
Or you'd be a bomb.
Do you feel bomby?
Nah, you woulda blown up by now.
Wasn't the rick here dead?
Th-that's why you
pick places, right?
Uh, well, your rick, uh,
Yeah, not dead,
more like not around.
When I met you, I was sorta
hoping he might turn up one day.
You son of a bitch! I got you!
W-w-where are we going?
To kill your
grandpa, little buddy.
Wait, what?
I don't understand.
My original rick
killed your family?
And you were just waiting
for him to come back?
Seems like you
understand fine, morty.
That was a+ re-piping.
We're here.
This guy, morty, he
hates being found
But loves building
elaborate shit.
Like... like... like playing
a ton of "minecraft"
But all on a private server.
Am I in a [bleep]
k-hole right now?
What is going on?
Whoa, hoho, you found me!
I shoot the first monitor, too.
Listen, I'm not here.
Or am I?
There's the clone you found.
Or maybe it's me, all naked!
Just a lil keyser soze.
I mean, why would
I admit it's not?
Oh-hoho, yeah! Look at him!
Look at him go,
look at him dance.
O-or me. Again, it might be me,
Like a "saw" thing.
I'm very sneaky.
Here's a bunch of
killbots to deal with
While ya wrestle with that.
Obviously, I don't know
who I'm talking to here.
It's all prerecorded.
But if you got this far,
You probably think
you're real special.
Tell you what...
Oop! There he goes!
Maybe that actually was me!
If you follow him down there,
We can do a big fight.
50% chance I'm not lying.
♪♪
Space beth: We're
in trouble, asshole!
I shouldn't have to beg.
Wait, my moms are in trouble?
Those versions of them are.
W-we gotta save them!
Rick, this is an obvious trap.
If you go down there
he's just gonna kill you.
Good! What?
Now what?!
If you don't care if you
die, why do you care if I die?
Knock it off! Get out of here!
You did this last season!
You're like a suicide bomber!
Takes one to know one.
Yeah, well, you get
it from him, not me.
I don't know him.
You're my grandpa, rick.
Rick and morty. A hundred years.
This place totally
might go up, by the way.
Here's a bunch of countdowns.
One of them's probably accurate.
Ah, [bleep] stupid
5th-dimensional stomach juices.
Sorry for the sitcom fight,
And maybe getting us digested.
You've got incredible timing.
Oh, don't be a
bitch. I'm parenting.
Makes sense you
don't recognize it.
You've been out of
practice for a while.
Good! I'm glad
that they have you!
I don't want to be "space mom."
You've made that clear.
Just don't let summer mistake
Your rejection of
her for good taste.
I'm not trying to. It's all her!
[ gasps ]
Jesus! It'd be cool if
you were around more.
I don't wanna get married.
I'm 17. My
affection is the wind.
Don't try to compete for it.
I could hear every word
of that through the helmets.
Thank [bleep] I only
had to kill most of them.
Jesus, that ship
really has sailed.
♪♪
And now we feast!
[ roaring in agony ]
This emergency
was oversold to me.
- Grandpa!
- Morty!
Moms! Wait, I-if they have to
Wear helmets... I do childproofing
stuff while you're asleep.
Why don't you childproof dad?
Ah, great reminder. Wait!
Time to get jerry. Ugh.
Maybe I wouldn't be so uptight
If I wasn't married
to an unemployed
Receptacle of human fear!
Get a job, dad,
it's been a decade.
Woof. Pretty brutal, jer.
I-I know a good alligator park
If you wanna kill yourself.
I got expelled today.
[ doorbell rings ]
- What the hell, morty?!
- Oh, no, you got expelled.
- Whoa, what a horrible thing.
- You are so [bleep] dumb!
- Too bad, morty.
- Hi, hon.
[ gasps ] woof, some
real season 2 vibes
In there, you know
what I'm sayin?
You know, never
thought I'd say this,
But I think I'm glad we
spent that time divorced.
Er, one second. I'll build a
[bleep] swing set in the backyard!
You know, I may
technically be from here.
But I'm a god[bleep]
interdimensional traveler now.
And all of you can
kiss my sci-fi ass.
[ grunts ]
[ laughter ] it gets
me every time.
Wow, what an
amazing joke I just told.
A-and also, what an adventure.
You know, I guess it doesn't
matter where we're from
If we're together, huh?
Good... good final moral thing.
This is everyone's
"original dimension" now.
Great wrap-ups, kids.
- Ugh, you're back.
- Oh, [bleep] season 2 jerry!
Look, before you bust my balls,
Can someone help
with the shower?
It's colder than beth
on our anniversary.
Also, look who I
found in rick's room.
Mmmm, I'm mr. Frundles!
I don't care how cute he is.
We agreed no
boogens in the house.
Wait, season 2 jerry, don't!
Whoa! Summer: Mr. Frundles!
Everybody in the car.
Mmmm, I'm mr. Frundles!
Wait, but I thought
he was mr. Frundles.
Everybody in the car! Now!
Nyah! Mmmm, I'm mr. Frundles!
[ overlapping "mmmm,
I'm mr. Frundles!" ]
♪♪
Beth: What the [bleep] dad?!
Why would you bring
that thing into our house?
It was cute! [bleep]
We gotta find a
new timeline now!
You know how hard that
shit is without portals?
We gotta do the thing with
the rift and the beacon again!
The whole [bleep]
episode all over again!
Car, fabricate some vomit bags.
Can't we just go
back and fix it?
[ booming voice ]
mmmm, I'm mr. Frundles!
I can't believe
portal travel's broken.
I'll get to it when I get to it.
Lift with your knees, mom.
How many times
have you done this?
[ grunts ] oh, god.
And you swear they
die of natural causes?
Mm-hmm, yep.
The exact same
as our old timeline?
Even my stuff? Bit
of a rush job, actually,
So they do say "parmesan" weird.
How do they say... par-mees-ian.
- Boo.
- Jesus christ.
I could've left you guys!
You think the concept of
"family" matters to me?
I'm not even your rick!
- Uh-huh.
- "I'm denial rick!"
Beth: See you inside, dad.
Sorry I was such a
dance mom about summer.
She's your daughter, too.
No, boundaries are good.
But, uh, speaking of,
maybe I've put up too many.
Is it okay if I come
around sometimes?
That could be nice.
That's a cute outfit. The
one we always wear?
[ sighs ] yes, morty?
You promise I'm
not, you know, bait?
T-to make that rick
come back? What?
M-morty, for you to be
bait, the guy'd have to
Value something. He
truly does not give a shit.
He's the real deal.
Parmeee-san. Par-meees-ian.
Par-mees-ian.
Par... parmeeeeeesian.
Parmesian.
Gross. I hate it. Yeah.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
[ rustling ]
Hello? Morty?
That one big rat?
Whoa, this is a
development. Gah!
Shh. Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa,
Lil guy, easy.
You're a jerry, right?
Never got too
close to the concept.
Boy, you have really arc'd out.
Were you putting on pants?
What? Oh, yeah, no, I was naked
To [bleep] with a guy.
Speaking of, did you talk to me,
Or a little kid around here?
Maybe. Why?
Because if you hate them, too...
I could be down
for a little team up.
Eh, I really don't
"team up" anymore.
Managing people,
such a headache.
Aah!
[ deep voice ] fatality...
[ normal voice ]
jerry wins.
[ laughing ]
Oh, [bleep] dude.
Badass!
[ groans ]
Why are you here?
Buddy, I have been asking myself
that exact same question.
Did you get any of that?
Category:Rick and Morty Transcripts