The Simpsons Movie/Transcript

:[Ralph sings Fox signature and the pictures panoramas to the moon where a spaceship lands and Scratchy comes out.]
:Scratchy: We come in peace for cats and mice everywhere.
:[Itchy harm Scratchy with an American flag, laughs and crazy his helmet. Itchy travels back to Earth with Scratchy space-rocket. In the front page of "The Washington Post" says "Mouse Hero Returns This Everything To Save Cat". Itchy gets honored and get at parade.]
:Itchy: Hey, how you doing? Good to see you. Thanks for coming out.
:[Itchy becomes president and sit and eat cheese in the White House and hear scratchy calling.]
:Scratchy: Itchy.... Itchy....
:[Itchy look at the moon on with a binoculars and sees Itchy holding a sign saying "I'm telling". Itchy gets worried and gets an idea. He targeting nuclear missiles by "mistake" to the moon and Scratchy explodes. Homer stands up.]
:Homer: Boring!
:[The Simpsons family are in a theater.]
:Lisa: Dad, we can't see the movie.
:Homer: I can't believe we're paying to see something we get on TV for free. If you ask me, everybody in this theater is a giant sucker. Especially you!
:[Homer pointing to the viewer and the image becomes wider.]
:Professor Frink: Movie, on the big/small screen!
:[The opening scene appears, similar to the episodes.]
[In Springfield Lake are Green day playing The Simpsons Theme and the crowd cheers. Comic Book Guy is carried but is released into the ground.]
:Comic Book Guy: Excuse me. My heinie is dipping.
:[The music ends.]
:Billie Joe: All right, well, thanks a lot for coming. We've been playing for three and a half hours. Now we'd like just a minute of your time to say something about the environment.
:[Silence occurs and the crowd throwing bottles at them and boo them.]
:Otto: Dingus!
:Carl: Oh, you suck! Shut up and play!
:Barney: Preachy!
:Mike: We're not being preachy!
:Tré Cool: But the pollution in your lake, it's dissolving our barge!
:Lisa: I thought they touched on a vital issue.
:Moe: I beg to differ.
:Mike: Gentlemen, it's been an honor playing with you tonight.
:[Green Day starts playing and the barge sinks. Lisa looks worried. In the church of Springfield a funeral version of "American Idiot" is playing.]
:Reverend Lovejoy: For the latest rock band to die in our town Lord, hear our prayer.
:The group: Lord, hear our prayer.
:[Outside the church are the Simpsons family coming.]
:Marge: I hate being late.
:Homer: Well, I hate going. Why can't I worship the Lord in my own way, by praying like **** on my deathbed?
:Marge: Homer, they can hear you inside.
:Homer: Relax. Those pious morons are too busy talking to their phony-baloney God.
:[The Simpson family coming in and the audience staring at them. The family goes and sits down.]
:Homer: How you doing? Peace be with you. Praise Jebus.
:[Bart plays Baby Blast. Maggie takes out the game card.]
:Reverend Lovejoy: Today I'd like to try something a little different. I'm going to call on one of you!
:[Reverend Lovejoy points to the audience, they all cower down in fear, Barney screams.]"
:Reverend Lovejoy: Now, the word of God dwells within everyone. I want you to let that word out. Let your spirit...
:[Ned raises his hand.]
:Ned: Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
:Reverend Lovejoy: [unhappily] What is it, Ned?
:Ned: The good Lord is telling me to confess to something.
:[Homer keeps fingers crossed and whispers.]
:Homer: Gay, gay, gay, gay.
:Ned: An immodest sense of pride in our community.
:Reverend Lovejoy: [annoyed] Somebody else? Let the Lord's light shine upon you. Feel the spirit. Let it out!
:[Grampa is sleeping and wakes up when the sun hits his head and gets up and acts weird.]
:Abe Simpson: Horrible, horrible things are going to happen! [Comic Book Guy is filming that with his cell phone.] And they're gonna happen to you! And you! And you! And you. Whoa, Nelly! People of Springfield, heed this warning: Twisted tail! A thousand eyes! TRAPPED FOREVER!
:Lisa: Dad, do something!
:[Homer flicks through the "Holy Bible".]
:Homer: This book doesn't have any answers!
:Grampa Simpson: [yelling, slowly] Beware! Beware! Time is short! EPA!! EPA!!! EEEEEEPAAAAAA!!!!!!! Believe me! BELIEVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! [Homer rolls up the church rug around his father and carries him out the door] [cheerfully] Thanks for listening.
:[The Simpsons family goes out the church with Grampa rolled in the rug and go to the car.]
:Homer: Okay, who wants waffles?
:Bart/Lisa/Grampa: I do, I do, I do!
:Marge: Wait a minute. What about Grampa?
:Bart: I want syrup!
:Lisa: I want strawberries!
:Marge: Something happened to that man.
:Homer: I'll tell you what happened to him. A certain someone had a senior moment. But that's okay, because we love him and we got a free rug out of it.
:[Homer kisses Grampa on the forehead.]
:Marge: What is the point of going to church every Sunday when if someone we love has a genuine religious experience, we ignore it? Right, Grampa?
:Grampa Simpson: I want bananas on my waffles!
:Homer: I rest my case.
:[The family arrives, Marge goes out of the car first and then the others except Grampa.]
:Marge: I'm not dropping this.
:Grampa Simpson: Wait a minute, I'm still in the car.
:[Homer looks at his list of chores. He ticks off "Go to church" and looks at "Take out the hornets' Nest".]
:Homer: Oh, right. Take out hornets' nest.
:[Homer takes down the hornets' nest and put it in Flanders mailbox.]
:Homer: Check. Fix sinkhole.
:[Homer is in the garden and put the sandbox and Maggie over the sinkhole.]
:Homer: Check. Re-shingle roof?
:[Homer and Bart are on the ceiling and Homer tries to repair the roof.]
:Homer: Steady. Steady.
:[Homer gets the hammer in the eye and Bart laughs.] 
:Homer: Why you little! I'll teach you to laugh at something that's funny!
:[Homer strangles Bart.]
:Bart: You know, we are on the roof. We could have some fun.
:Homer: What kind of fun?
:Bart: How about a dare contest?
:Homer: That sounds fun. I dare you to climb the TV antenna!
:[Bart climbs up to the antenna]
:Bart: Piece of cake.
:Homer: Earthquake!
:[Homer shakes the TV antenna so Bart falls down and hangs on the drainpipe.]
:Homer: Aftershock!
:[Homer shakes again.]
:Ned: Homer, I don't mean to be a Nervous Pervis but if he falls, couldn't that make your boy a paraplege-arino?
:Homer: Shut up, Flanders.
:Bart: Yeah, shut up, Flanders.
:Homer: Well said, boy.
:[Homer and Bart high five and Homer prepares to hammer Bart's fingers.]
:Homer: Steady. Steady. Steady....
:[He falls through the roof and Bart laughs. In the room under the newly-created hole, Grampa can be seen reading an 'Oatmeal Enthusiast' magazine.]
:[Lisa is in the neighborhood, knocking on doors to talk about Springfield Lake. However, every time she is denied.]
:Lisa: Hello. Sorry to bother you on a Sunday but I'm sure you're as worried about the pollution in Lake Springfield as I am. Lake Springfield has higher levels of mercury than ev...
:Women: Why, it's the little girl who saved my cat.
:Lisa: Lake Springfield—
:[Lisa sighs. Martin, his parents, Bumblebee Man, his dog, and the Sea Captain close and lock their doors, and the Sea Captain drives away with his houseboat.]
:Milhouse: Come on over, Lisa. You can canvass me as long as you want.
:Lisa: Milhouse, you don't care about the environment.
:Milhouse: Hey! I am very passionate about the planet.
:Nelson: [threatening to punch Milhouse] Say global warming is a myth.
:Milhouse: It's a myth! Further study is needed!
:[Nelson knocks down Milhouse.]
:Nelson: That's for selling out your beliefs!
:[Lisa goes to console him but quickly notices someone else to talk about the environment.]
:Lisa: Oh, poor Milhouse.
:Milhouse: Dream coming true...
:Colin: Are you aware that a leaky facet can waste over—
:Lisa: Two thousand gallons a year?
:Colin: Turning off lights can save—
:Lisa: Enough energy to power Pittsburgh.
:Colin: And if we kept our thermostats at 68 in winter—
:Lisa: We'd be free from our dependency on foreign oil in 17 years!
:Colin: I'm Colin.
:Lisa: I haven't seen you at school.
:Colin: Moved from Ireland. My dad's a musician.
:Lisa: Is he...?
:Colin: He's not Bono.
:Lisa: I just thought, because you're Irish and...
:Colin: He's not Bono.
:Lisa: Do you play?
:Colin: Just piano, guitar, trumpet, drums and bass.
:Lisa: [thinking] He's pure gold. For once in your life. be cool.
:Colin: So is your name as pretty as your face?
:[Lisa gets embarrassed and faints.]
:Colin: You okay there?
:[Marge watch the recording as Comic Book Guy did and write down what Grampa said.]
:Grampa Simpson: [in video] Twisted tail! A thousand eyes! Trapped forever!!! EPA!!! EPA!!!
:Marge: EPA? What could that be?
:Comic Book Guy: I believe it's the sound the Green Lantern made when Sinestro threw him into a vat of acid. E-P-A!
:Marge: Yeah. Thanks for coming over.
:Comic Book Guy: Thanks for giving me your pregnancy pants. Never known comfort like this.
:[Out in the garden, Bart is shooting Homer with a BB gun while Homer carries around bricks. A Fox commercial appears at the bottom.]
:Homer: Why did I suggest this?
:[Timer rings.]
:Homer: All right, boy, time for the ultimate dare. I dare you to skateboard to Krusty Burger and back... [Bart picks up his skateboard] naked.
:Bart: How naked?
:Homer: Fourth base.
:Bart: Girls might see my doodle.
:Homer: Oh, I see. Then I hereby declare you chicken for life. Every morning, you'll wake up to Good morning, chicken. At your wedding, I'll sing:
:[Homer sings Here Comes the Bride with chicken voice. Bart sets off through town on his skateboard naked. The last note Homer sings in the chicken song has its pitch raised as Homer sees Bart.]
:Ralph: I like men now.
:[Agnes urges residents not to look at Bart's private parts.]
:Agnes Skinner: Don't look where I'm pointing!
:[The police see that Bart is naked and start to chase him.]
:Clancy Wiggum: Stop in the name of American squeamishness!
:[Lou fires a shot. It hits the wheel of Bart's skateboard. The skateboard comes to a halt and Bart flies off thrugh the air. The scene switches to Ned, Rod and Todd eating at Krusty Burger.]
:Ned: Boys, before we eat, don't forget to thank the Lord for this bountiful...
:[Bart flies on to the window, with Ned's french fry covering his private parts.]
:Ned: ...*****!!
:Rod/Todd: Bountiful *****.
:Todd: Amen.
[Eddie and Lou scrape Bart's body off the window of Krusty Burger.]
:Lou: Listen, kid, nobody likes wearing clothes in public, but, you know, it's the law.
:[Lou takes Bart down from the window and straps him naked to a lamp-post.]
:Chief Wiggum: Lunchtime!
:Bart: You can't just leave me out here.
:Chief Wiggum: Don't worry, we found a friend for you to play with.
:Nelson: Ha ha! Ha ha!
:[It becomes evening, and Nelson starts to get tired of laughing.]
:Nelson: Ha ha... Haa... ha.
:[Mrs. Muntz walks up to Nelson.]
:Mrs. Muntz: Nelson, honey, where have you been? [she sees Bart] Ha ha! Ha ha!
:[Homer drives up to Krusty Burger in his car.]
:Bart: Dad!
:Homer: What seems to be the problem, officers?
:Bart: Tell him you dared me to do it.
:Chief Wiggum: If that's true, then you should be taking the rap here, not your son.
:[Homer comes out of the car.]
:Homer: [slowly] And what happens to me if it's my fault?
:Chief Wiggum: You'll have to attend a one-hour parenting class.
:Homer: It was all his idea! He's out of control, I tell you! [pretends to cry] I'm at my wits' end. It's so....
:[Bart glares.]
:Chief Wiggum: See you in court, kid.
:Homer: Okay, son, let's get some lunch.
:Bart: Did you at least bring my clothes?
:[Homer gives him his shirt and socks.]
:Homer: Shirt, socks, everything you need.
:Bart: You didn't bring my pants!
:Homer: Who am I, Tommy Bahama?
:Bart: This is the worst day of my life.
:Homer: The worst day of your life so far.
:[Homer and Bart go into the Krusty Burger.]
:Ned: Say, Bart?
:Bart: What do you want, Flanders?
:Ned: If you need pants, I carry an extra pair. You know how boys are, always praying through the knees.
:[Ned gives him pants.]
:Bart: Why are you helping me? I'm not your kid.
:Ned: We're neighbors. I'm sure your father would do the same for my boys.
:[Homer steals french fries from Flanders.]
:Homer: Thank you.
:[Homer eats a hamburger noisily.]
:Homer: Hey, what's with you?
[As he asks, he accidently spits on Bart. Bart wipes it off, annoyed.]
:Bart: You really wanna know?
:Homer: Of course I do. What kind of a father wouldn't care about... [sees a pig wearing a chef hat] ...a pig wearing a hat!
:[Krusty is starring in a commercial, holding a burger.]
:Director: Action.
:Krusty: Hey, hey! It's your old pal Krusty, with my new pork sandwich, the Klogger. lf you can find a greasier sandwich, you're in Mexico!
:[Krusty laughs and munches on the hamburger.]
:Director: And we're clear.
:[Krusty spits out the hamburger.]
:Krusty: Perfect. Cut, print, kill the pig.
:[A knife is raised to the pig. It squeals.]
:Homer: What...?! You can't kill him if he's wearing people clothes!
:[The song Happy Together plays and Homer imagines his life with the pig.]
:Homer: You're coming home with me.
:[In the kitchen Maggie plays Baby Blast.]
:Marge: A thousand eyes. What could that be?
:Grampa Simpson: I'm pretty sure a thousand is a number.
:[Homer comes in and shows after a while the pig. Marge looks at the words as she wrote down as Grampa said in the church.]
:Homer: Hey, Marge. Isn't it great being married to someone who's recklessly impulsive?
:Marge: Actually, it's aged me horribly.
:Homer: Then say hello to the newest Simpson.
[Marge spots the "twisted tail" on the pig, the first part of Grampa's warning.]
Marge: Homer! I believe what happened in church was a warning about precisely this. Please, get rid of that pig.
:Homer: Oh, you're gonna love him. Look, he does an impression of you.
:[The Pig screams.]
:Homer: You nailed her. He also does me.
:[Marge laughing.]
:Homer: You smiled. I'm off the hook.
:[Homer is in Bart's room and chambers the pig's hair, outside are Bart and looking on them.]
:Homer: Oh, you have so many looks.
:[Bart sighs and she Ned put to sleep his children.]
:Bart: So that's what snug is.
:Homer: Who's a good pig?
:[Homer makes fart sounds on the pig's stomach.]
:Homer: Who's a good pig?
:[Bart is aiming his slingshot against Homer, but stops when he hears Ned some are by the window.]
:Ned: Rough day, huh, son?
:Bart: You don't know what rough is, sister.
:Ned: Bart, you know, whenever my boys bake up a batch of frownies I take them fishing. Does your dad ever take you fishing?
:[Bart thinks of when he was fishing with Homer.]
:Bart: Dad, it's not fair to use a bug zapper to catch the fish.
:Homer: If you love fish like I do, you want them to die with dignity.
:[Homer stops an electrician fly trap in the water and the fish float to the surface.]
:Homer: I think I have a nibble. [eats a fish then gets electrocuted]
:Bart: I think fishing might be more fun with you.
:Ned: Oh, great. Now, how about I fix you some cocoa?
:Bart: No way. Cocoa's for wusses.
:Ned: Well, sir, if you change your mind, it's on the windowsill.
:[When Ned went off takes Bart the mug with cocoa that Ned did and eats it in the garden.]
:Bart: Oh, my God.
:[Marge cleans the floor in the hallway and then sees that it is dirty on the ceiling.]
:Lisa: Oh, wait. I didn't tell you the best part. He loves the environment. Oh, wait! I still didn't tell you the best part. He's got an Irish brogue. No, no, wait! I still didn't tell you the best part. He's not imaginary!
:Marge: Oh, honey, that's great. But the very best thing is that he listens to you. Because nothing means more than for a man to... How did the pig tracks get on the ceiling?
:[Homer let the pig go in the ceiling.]
:Homer: Spider-Pig. Spider-Pig. Does whatever a Spider-Pig does. Can he swing from a web? No. he can't. he's a pig Look out. He is the Spider-Pig.
:[Bart and Ned are fishing.]
:Bart: Are we having fun yet?
:Ned: We are now. You've got a bite.
:Bart: Whoa, mama!
:[Bart drops the pole and Bart begins to strangle himself.]
:Ned: Oh, no, my good pole!
:Bart: (chokes but then stops) You're not strangling me.
:Ned: What the? Strangling's only good for.... Well, it's not good for anything. The only time you should lay hands on a boy is to give him a good pat on the back.
:[Ned gives Bart a pat on the back and Bart wants him to do it again.]
:Bart: Hey, what the **** are you? One more time.
:[In the lake loses Krusty the flop sweat, Crazy Cat Lady washes the cats and Moe empty bottles and Barney in the lake.]
:Barney: Honey, I'm home.
:[Lisa sees it and gets angry and destroys her poster. In Springfield Town Hall is "Lisa Simpson Presents: An Irritating Truth".]
:Lisa: We are at the tipping point, people. If we don't do something now....
:[Colin plays on a guitar.]
:Lisa: I'm sorry, I lost my train of thought. Isn't he dreamy?
:Joe Quimby: Agreed.
:Lisa: Okay, so here's the bottom line: If we don't change our ways right now pollution in Lake Springfield will be at this level.
:[Lisa starts a scissor lift some stops quickly.]
:Lenny: That's not so bad.
:Lisa: No, the lift is stuck. Am I getting through to anyone?
:[The lift goes up and down.]
:Krusty: ****, yeah. We need a new one of those things.
:Joe Quimby: All in favor of a new, scissor lift, say aye.
:Group: Aye.
:Lisa: No! This lake is just one piece of trash away from a toxic nightmare. But I knew you wouldn't listen. So I took the liberty of pouring water from the lake in all your drinking glasses.
:[The audiences spits out the water.]
:Moe: This is why we should hate kids.
:Joe Quimby: This is serious, people. No more dumping in the lake. I hereby declare a state of emergency. Code black.
:Lenny: Black? That's the worst color there is. No offense there, Carl.
:Carl Carlson: I get it all the time.
:[The lake emptied of littering. The newspaper "Springfield Shopper" it says "Springfield Clean Up Act." Fat Tony and his fellow conspirators come with a carpet that he intends to dump.]
:Chief Wiggum: Sorry, sorry. No dumping in the lake.
:Fat Tony: Fine. I will put my yard trimmings in a car compactor.
:Lou: Chief, I think there was a dead body in there.
:Chief Wiggum: I thought that too, until he said yard trimmings. You gotta learn to listen, Lou.
:[A wall is around the lake.]
:Joe Quimby: Let us now make sure this barrier is completely idiot-proof. Cletus.
:Cletus: Yessum?
:Joe Quimby: Try to dump something in the lake.
:Cletus: Okay.
:[Cletus tries to dump a possum in the lake but the wall keeps blocking him.]
:Cletus: I can't. I simply can't.
:Builder 1: Brilliant.
:Builder 2: Very effective.
:[Homer and Spider-Pig watching TV where Bumblebee Man gets a kiss from a donkey for a Peso, and speak Spanish.]
:Homer: Don't get any ideas.
:[Pig and Homer laughs and Marge enters.]
:Homer: Maybe we should kiss, just to break the tension.
:Marge: What's going on here?
:Homer: Nothing. Nothing.
:Marge: I'm not sure that pig should be in the house. And by the way, what are you doing with his leavings?
:Homer: Don't worry. I've devised a most elegant solution.
:[Homer shows a silo with faeces on the property.]
:Marge: It's leaking.
:Homer: It's not leaking, it's overflowing.
:Marge: He filled up the whole silo in just two days?
:Homer: Well, I helped.
:[Homer thinks of a monkey some forces him to listen to Marge.]
:Marge: Homer, stop! Stop. I know it's easy for your mind to wander but I want you to really concentrate on me. I can't escape the feeling that this is the crisis Grampa warned us about. You have to dispose of that waste properly.
:Homer: Okay, Marge. I will.
:Marge: You can take Spider-Pig with you.
:Homer: He's not Spider-Pig anymore, he's Harry Plopper.
:[Homer sits in the car with Spider-Pig and get's a call with his cell phone. Lenny is outside the Lard Lad Donuts.]
:Homer: Hello.
:Lenny: Homer, you gotta get over here. Health inspector shut down the doughnut store, they're giving out free doughnuts!
:Homer: Oh, my God, oh, my God! I just got one thing I gotta do first.
:Lenny: Well, you better hurry. They're going fast.
:[Outside the Lard Lad Donuts get's Wiggum accidentally shoot a shot near his own mouth.]
:Chief Wiggum: Whoa, that was close.
:[Homer drives off the lake and dump waste into the lake after he destroyed the wall. The lake is poisoned.]
:Skull: Evil!
:[Homer sits in the back of the car but changing location and drive away.]
:Homer: Drive, drive, drive! Oh, right.
:[A squirrel get's hunted down into the lake and get more eyes when it comes up. Ned and Bart are climbing up on a mountain.]
:Ned: Look at that. You can see the four states that border Springfield: Ohio, Nevada, Maine and Kentucky.
:Bart: Oh, yeah.
:Ned: And if you look real close, you can almost. Ah!
:[Ned sees the squirrel that jumped in the lake.]
:Ned: Well, this certainly seems odd but who am I to question the work of the Almighty? We thank you, Lord, for this mighty fine intelligent design. Good job.
:[Bart beats the squirrel's eyes.]
:Bart: Jabbity, jabbity, jab, jab, jab!
:EPA-man: Hey! Jab one more eye and it's a federal crime.
:Ned: Who are you?
:EPA-women: Environmental Protection Agency.
:[EPA taking caring about the squirrel and go away. Russ Cargill come to the White House and meets the president.]
:Russ Cargill: Russ Cargill, head of the EPA, here to see the president.
:Russ Cargill: Mr. President.
:Arnold Schwarzenegger: Ja, that is me.
:Russ Cargill: Pollution in Springfield has reached crisis levels.
:Arnold Schwarzenegger: I hate this job. Everything's "crisis" this and "end of the world" that. Nobody opens with a joke. I miss Danny DeVito.
:Russ Cargill: You want a joke, huh? Stop me if you've heard this one.
:[Russ shows the squirrel for president who gets frightened.]
:Arnold Schwarzenegger: Look at those angry eyes and giant teeth. It's like Christmas at the Kennedy compound.
:Russ Cargill: You know, sir, when you made me head of the EPA you appointed one of the most successful men in America to the least successful agency in government. And why did I take the job? Because I'm a rich man who wanted to give something back. Not the money, but something. So here is our chance to kick some **s for Mother Earth.
:Arnold Schwarzenegger: I’m listening.
:Russ Cargill: Well, live narrowed your choices down to five unthinkable options. Each will cause untold misery...
:[Russ shows five option blocks.]
:Arnold Schwarzenegger: I pick number three.
:Russ Cargill: You don't wanna read them first?
:Arnold Schwarzenegger: I was elected to lead, not to read. Number three!
:[A helicopter with a glass dome will of Springfield and all residents are surprised and afraid. Gabbo truly amazed, church, and Moe's Tarver changing population and Milhouse swallows his inhaler. Martin Prince is in the playground and flies away.]
:Martin Prince, Jr.: We're being sealed in a dome!
:Man: What do I do? I don't know what to do! lf I stay, I’m trapped. If I leave, I’m alone. Oh, God. In, out, in, out! I never saw Venice.
:[The man gets crushed. Simpsons sees what happens and it says the EPA on the helicopter.]
:Marge: EPA, EPA! Trapped forever. It's all come true.
:Grampa Simpson: That crazy old man in church was right.
:Homer: Doooooooooooooooooooome!
:[Springfield's population is towards to the dome and the SPD appears.]
:Chief Wiggum: All right, men, open fire.
:[SPD shoots against the dome. The gunshot nozzles back and hit them.]
:Chief Wiggum: Who's hurt? Raise your hands. Without the attitude.
:Professor Frink: People, people. I have an important announcement. I have just perfected an acid-firing super-drill which can cut through anything.
:Group: Hey, that's cool.
:Professor Frink: It’s right there. Just outside of the dome.
:[The group groans and Sideshow Mel hit his leg against the dome.]
:Sideshow Mel: What ruthless madmen could have done this to us?
:[Russ shows up on a TV screen.]
:Russ Cargill: The United States government. My name is Russ Cargill and I’m head of the EPA.
:Moe: The what?
:Russ Cargill: Environmental Protection Agency.
:Lenny: Come again?
:Russ Cargill: Look. I’m a man on a big TV. Just listen. Springfield has become...
:Man: Whoo! Springfield!
:Russ Cargill: ...the most polluted city in the history of the planet.
:Krusty: Drama Queen?!?
:Russ Cargill: To keep your poisons from spreading your government has sealed you in this dome. It’s the last thing we wanted to do. I own the company that makes the dome. but that's beside the point.
Moe: You mean we're trapped like rats?
:Russ Cargill: No. rats can't be trapped this easily. You're trapped like carrots.
:Lisa: Wait. We couldn't be more polluted. Everyone stopped dumping in the lake.
:Russ Cargill: Apparently someone didn't get the message.
:Homer:Act natural.
:Carl: Hey, buddy, sooner or later, people are gonna discover this.
:Russ Cargill: Don't worry about that. We found a way to take you off the map.
:[In a car disappears Springfield from the GPS.]
:GPS: Coming up on your right: Nothing.
:[Kent Brockman run the Springfield News and fixes his head.]
:Kent Brockman: This is Kent Brockman, reporting to you on a crisis so serious it has its own name and theme music. The dome has put an end to life as we know it. The town is running low on supplies of everything from gasoline to Botox. Moment, please. Now, as always, we end our news on The Lighter Side. It’s the time of year when the swallows return to Springfield.
:[Swallows collides with the dome and cats are outside. Marge is in the garden and discovers that Maggie is outside the dome.]
:Marge: I think the thing I miss most is a simple summer breeze. Maggie?
:[Homer watching TV and Marge get him.]
:TV Commercial: We've got dome wax. dome polish. dome freshener. all your dome needs at Dome Depot. Located at the 105 and the dome. Dome Depot.
:Marge: Maggie got out! Maggie got out!
:[Homer comes out with Marge and see that Maggie is in the sandbox.]
:Marge: Maggie was right there, just outside the dome.
:[Homer see him self reflected in the dome and goes into the house in the belief that he was out.]
:Homer: Marge, she's right here. This dome can play tricks on you. You just have to keep calm and... Oh, my God. I’m out of the dome. Fresh air! Freedom! I'll write to you. Lead good lives! [He realises] Ohhh!
:[Maggie ports and out through the dome by being in the sandbox. Marge and Homer go inside. On the TV broadcasts Kent Brockman from Springfield Lake and Homer laughs but gets shocked when his silo appears.]
:Kent Brockman: Good evening. this is Kent Brockman. Efforts to find out whose selfish crime caused our entrapment have been fruitless. Until moments ago! A shocking discovery has been made here at Lake Springfield.
:Homer: That could be anybody's pig-crap silo.
:Marge: Homer, it was you. You single-handedly killed this town.
:Homer: I know. It's weird.
:Kent Brockman: Just a reminder. this station does not endorse vigilante justice. Unless it gets results. Which it will.
:[Picture on Homer with text "Get Him!" shows.]
:Marge: You didn't listen to me after I warned you.
:Homer: Don't worry, nobody watches this stupid show. What's that ominous glow in the distance?
:[The mob goes with flaming torches against the family's house.]
:The mob: Kill! Kill! Kill!
:Homer: Marge, look. Those idiots don't even know where we live.
:[The mob hear Homer and turns.]
:The mob: Kill! Kill! Kill! We want Homer! We want Homer!
:[Lisa comes to Homer and turn him loose in his stomach.]
:Lisa: You monster, you monster!
:Homer: Did you see the news?
:Marge: Honey, come on, we have bigger problems.
:Lisa: But I’m so angry.
:Marge: You're a woman. You can hold on to it forever.
:Lisa: Okay.
:Marge: Homer, you have to go out there, face that mob and apologize for what you did.
:Homer: I would, but I’m afraid if I open the door, they'll take all of you.
:Carl: No, we won't. We just want Homer!
:Homer: Well, maybe not you, but they'll kill Grampa.
:Grampa Simpson: I’m part of the mob!
:[The mob comes into the house.]
:Krusty Teeny! Take out the baby.
:[Teeny goes to Maggie, but she is willing to attack and Teeny turns. Lisa sees Colin in the mob and at he is holding a flower bouquet that Carl set fire to and Lisa sighs.]
:Carl: Here, let me get that for you.
:[Homer nailed the door and mimics a chainsaw, but the mob can see he mimics and continues to try to get into the room.]
:Homer: Stay back. I got a chainsaw.
:[Ned set a plank between him and the Simpsons' house.]
:Ned: Bart! Crawl across. Hurry.
:Bart: But if they see you helping us, they'll kill you.
:Ned: I’m sure your father would do the same for...
:[Bart stares at Ned.]
:Ned: Point taken. Now, hustle your bustles.
:[Schoolchildren aim with bows.]
:Seymour Skinner: Archers.
:Nelson: I’m using a red arrow so I know who I kill.
:Homer: No, Plopper. If you push that, Daddy will die.
:[Plopper goes to the window and pushes the board into the ground. The family falls and runs away. Homer finds a shrimp some he eats.]
:Homer: Hey, my luck's beginning to turn.
:[The family sits in the car, Marge runs into the house briefly to clean up and pick an important thing.]
:Marge: Wait! There's something I have to get.
:Homer: What'd you get?
:Marge: Our wedding video.
:Homer: We have a wedding video?
:Krusty: Torch his gas tank!
:[Homer drives off, but discovers that the mob lift the car. They preparing to hang the family and they get up in Bart's treehouse, but Homer can not handle it and gets attacked.]
:Homer: We lost them.
:Bart: Up here.
:Clancy Wiggum: Get them! Get them!
:Homer: Little help? You know, the word apology is tossed around a lot these days, but when it comes from in here...
:[They try to tear down the tree and Maggie pointing to the sandbox. Maggie hopes in the sandbox and go away.]
:Lisa: Mom, what are we gonna do?
:Marge: Maggie, not now. We'll play later.
:Marge: The sinkhole. Follow me, kids!
:[The family jumps after but Homer gets stuck in the beginning and start to digging.]
:Bart: Geronimo!
:Lisa: Sacajawea!
:Homer: So long, losers!
:Moe: The top of his head is still showing. Claw at it!
:[Everything around the house gets destroyed and all against to the sinkhole. ]
:Chief Wiggum: Well, they're China's problem now.
:[Outside the dome sees Lisa, Colin how is plays music for her. Colin writes the note for "Lisa's Song" on the dome and Lisa humming it.]
:Lisa: Colin! I can't hear you! I never thought my life would have an absolutely perfect moment, but this is...
:Bart: Lisa's got a boyfriend that she'll never see again!
:[Lisa beats Bart.]
:Lisa: ...perfect.
:[The family hear cars coming and flees. EPA-cars arrive.]
:Marge: What do we do?
:Homer: Now we run.
:EPA-man: I’m afraid we lost them, sir.
:Russ Cargill: **** it! Well, then, you find them and you get them back in the dome. And so nobody else gets out I want roving death squads around the perimeter 24/7. I want 10,OOO tough guys and I want 10,OOO soft guys to make the tough guys look tougher. And here's how I want them arranged: Tough, tough, soft, tough soft, soft, tough, tough, soft, soft, tough, soft.
:EPA-man: Sir, I’m afraid you've gone mad with power.
:Russ Cargill: Of course. Ever try going mad without power? It's boring. No one listens to you.
:[The family is at the Red Rash Inn and Marge are hiding from a EPA helicopter and see two police officers, however they are interested in each other instead of her. Marge enters the room and sees Bart with a bottle.]
:Marge: Bart, are you drinking whiskey?
:Bart: I’m troubled.
:Marge: Bart.
:Bart: I promise, I'll stop tomorrow.
:Marge: You'll stop right now. You come back here, little man.
:[Bart drink bottle and running around the room.]
:Bart: I miss Flanders. There, I said it!
:Marge: Where's your father?
:Lisa: He went out. Let's quickly rebuild our lives while he's gone.
:[Homer is outside the door and the family opens the door when he can not remember the code.]
:Homer: Hey, guys? What's the secret knock, again? Look, I know I screwed up. This is big.
:Marge: It’s huge! We're homeless! Our friends wanna kill us! Before we can even stay in the same room with you, I need to know what was going through your mind when you didn't listen to me and dumped that silo in the lake
:[Homer shows with his body that he did not know.]
:Marge: Homer!
:Homer: I don't know what to tell you, Marge. I don't think about things. I respect people who do but I just try to make the days not hurt until I get to crawl in next to you again.
:Marge: Oh...
:[Maggie and Lisa are looking at Marge.]
:Marge: I mean, oh.
:Homer: Look, I’m really sorry. But I’m more than just sorry, I’ve prepared with a solution. I've always been afraid I'd screw up our lives so badly, we'd need a backup plan. And that plan is right here!
:[Homer looks into his wallet and get a "Get Out Of Jail Free" and "Basketball Card" before he finds what he search for and shows a poster from Alaska.]
:Homer: No. Nope. Bingo. Bear with me. Ta... da!
:Lisa: Alaska?
:Homer: Alaska. A place where you can't be too fat or too drunk. Where no one says things like: Let's see your high school equivalency certificate.
:Marge: I don't know, Homie.
:Homer: I’m not saying it right. Look, the thing is, I can't start a new life alone. And live really come to like you guys.
:Marge: I just don't see it.
:Homer: Marge, in every marriage, you get one chance to say: l need you to do this with me. And there's only one answer when somebody says that.
:[Homer holds out his hand and Marge grabs it with her hand.]
:Marge: Okay, Homie, I’m with you.
:Homer: Thank you, my sweetheart.
:Bart: Mom?
:Marge: Yes, honey?
:Bart: You just bought another load of crap from the world's fattest fertilizer salesman.
:Homer: You'll pay for ruining this golden family moment!
:Marge: Homer!
:Bart: How are we supposed to get to Alaska without any money?
:Homer: All right, son. If you don't believe in me, believe in America.
:[Homer shows what is available outside the hotel window and the image is panned to an amusement park.]
:Homer: America. Where any man can make quick money with no questions asked.
:[The family is at an amusement park.]
:Tivoli-man: Step right up and win my truck! All you have to do is conquer the Ball of Death.
:Homer: What's the catch?
:Tivoli-man: No catch. Just ride the motorcycle all the way around just one time. Three tries for $10.
:Homer: Marge, how much money do we have?
:Marge: Ten dollars.
:Homer: Whooh!
:[Homer tries but fails.]
:Tivoli-man: That counts as a try. [Another failed attempt] That's two. [Anothe failed attempt] And that's three. Here's what I'll do, because I like seeing you hurt yourself: I'll give you one on the house.
:Homer: You're the best.
:Lisa: Dad! When you get to the top, don't slow down, speed up!
:Homer: But that's when it's the scariest.
:Lisa: Just do it!
:[Homer takes courage and success and the audience cheers.]
:Homer: Oh! Oh! Whooh!
:Bart: Yes!
:Lisa: Yay, Dad!
:Homer: I'll take that truck now.
:[Homer gets the car keys from the Tivoli-man and a Siamese female beats with a rolling pin.]
:Tivoli-man: Oh, man. My wives are gonna kill me.
:[The family drives off in the car.]
:Homer: Next stop, Alaska!
:[At Moe's Tarver, they look at the television and the power goes and Moe loses first all the beers and after that everything else.]
:Kent Brockman: Day 37 under the dome. We are facing intermittent power failures which...
:Moe: Okay, very funny. I’m gonna turn the lights off again. When they come back on, I want all my booze back the way it was. Yeah, okay. Okay.
:[The family thought the car and Marge and Bart are in the shop.]
:Marge: I’m very proud of you, Bart. Over 24 hours sober. You are, aren't you?
:Bart: I'll prove it.
:[Bart shoots with is slingshot away Homer's hot dog as he eats and he begins eating a new one.]
:Marge: We're giving your father another chance, and we owe it to him to... Oh, my God.
:[Marge sees a wanted sign with them and try to get the cashier to not see the sign so Bart graffiti on it so it looks like another family.]
:Cashier: Whooh! Can I help you?
:Marge: We need diapers.
:Cashier: Okay.
:Marge: No. No, we don't. We don't. Ladies' razorblades.
:Cashier: Right.
:Marge: No! No. No, we don't. I forgot, we're European.
:Cashier: Aha!
:Marge: Just give us beef jerky. Lots and lots of beef jerky. That's right. That's what we need. That's all we came in for.
:Cashier: Sure. Oh, my God. There they are!
:[Cashier looks at the other family who are apprehended by the EPA and Simpsons drives away and Bart laughs. In Springfield, it will be power outages and Mr. Burns met three representatives on his home.]
:Mr. Burns: So you want some of my electricity, do you? Well, for once, the rich white man is in control. I have two buttons behind this desk. One will supply your town with power, the other releases the hounds. Reach me. Make me your brother.
:Dr. Julius Hibbert: The hospital's generator is about to give out. Lives will be lost.
:Mr. Burns: Lives lost. Go on.
:Chief Wiggum: We got a convict we were gonna fry tomorrow, but now we can't.
:Mr. Burns: Tempting. Tempting.
:Apu: Look, all our reasons mean nothing. Just look into your heart and you'll find the answer.]
:[Smithers shows with his hands that it was the wrong answer and the dogs chase them out.
:Mr. Burns: First door on the right.
:Apu: Thank you.
:[The family comes to Alaska and it is nothing like the poster so Homer puts the poster on the car window.]
:Homer: What? This isn't the way I pictured Alaska at all! Oh, that's better.
:Marge: Homer!
:[The family goes down a cliff and screams. When they landed they see at they are there.]
:Homer: Well, at least my poster didn't get torn.
:Custom man: Welcome to Alaska. Here's $1000.
:Homer: Well, it's about time! But why?
:Custom man: We pay every resident $1000 to allow oil companies to ravage our state's natural beauty.
:[Homer kissing the customs man some waving them away.]
:Homer: I’m home!
:Custom man: Oh, thanks.
:[Lisa and Bart are out in the snow and Homer are on the way home after picking firewood. Bart claps so there will be avalanches.]
:Lisa: What are you doing, Bart?
:Bart: Just passing the time.
:Homer: My boy loves Alaska so much, he's applauding it. Lisa, why aren't you clapping?
:Lisa: But, Dad...
:Homer: Clap for Alaska!
:[Lisa clap too, so it becomes more avalanches. Homer runs into the house to avoid the snow.]
:Homer: Well, Marge, we're separated from the kids by a wall of snow. All my dreams are coming true.
:[Homer and Marge get prepare to love and be pampered by the animals.]
:Bird: We're going to need more birds.
:[In Springfield are Kent makes reports.]
:Kent: Day 93 under the dome. With necessities growing dangerously low who knows what spark will set off this powder keg?
:[In Springfield Book Club.]
:Helen Lovejoy: Let's discuss Tuesdays with Morrie.
:Cookie Kwan: Again? lf we don't get a new book, I’m going to puke.
:Lindsay Naegle: You're the five people I’m going to meet in ****!
:[There will be trouble and in the AA on the church get their coffee machine destroyed.]
:Barney: We're out of coffee! I can't take another minute in this dome!
:[The residents of Springfield are moving towards the dome and try to destroy it and Stampy makes a crack in it.]
:Ralph: Take that. Oh, no! Blowback!
:[Russ shows for the president what they do.]
:Russ Cargill: Look what they're doing to our dome. You know what that is, sir?
:Arnold Schwarzenegger: A crack?
:Russ Cargill: Exactly. First let me stick to the Problem. People got out of the dome before, they're gonna get out again. And when they do, there's gonna be hearings, investigations....
:Arnold Schwarzenegger: Gotten Himmel! I’ll have to go back to making family comedies.
:Russ Cargill: Don't worry, I have a solution for you, sir. In fact, I have five solutions. You don't have to read them. You'll have deniability. I'll take care of it. You know nothing.
:Arnold Schwarzenegger: No. I need to know what I’m approving.
:Russ Cargill: Absolutely. But on the other hand, knowing things is overrated. Anyone can pick something when they know what it is. It takes real leadership to pick something you're clueless about.
:Arnold Schwarzenegger: Okay, I pick three.
:Russ Cargill: Try again.
:Arnold Schwarzenegger: One.
:Russ Cargill: Go higher.
:Arnold Schwarzenegger: Five?
:Russ Cargill: Too high.
:Arnold Schwarzenegger: Three?
:Russ Cargill: You said three.
:Arnold Schwarzenegger: Six?
:Russ Cargill: There is no six.
:Arnold Schwarzenegger: Two?
:Russ Cargill: Double it.
:Arnold Schwarzenegger: Four!
:Russ Cargill: As you wish, sir.
:[In Alaska watch the family the TV.]
:Tom Hank's voice: Are you tired of the same old Grand Canyon?
:TV Dad: Here we are, kids, the Grand Canyon.
:TV Girl: It’s so old and boring. I want a new one. Now!
:Tom Hanks: Hello. I’m Tom Hanks. The U.S. government has lost its credibility so it's borrowing some of mine.
:TV Boy: Tousle my hair, Mr. Hanks.
:Tom Hanks: Sure thing, son. Now, I’m pleased to tell you all about the New Grand Canyon. Coming this weekend. It's east of Shelbyville and south of Capitol City.
:Marge: That's where Springfield is!
:Tom Hanks: It’s nowhere near where anything is or ever was. This is Tom Hanks, saying: lf you're going to pick a government to trust, why not this one?
:Bart: Did you see that?
:Marge: Yes, they're going to destroy Springfield.
:Marge: But we're going to stop them. Homie, get your clothes on. Homie?
:Homer: I’m happy here. Screw Springfield!
:Marge: I can't believe you'd say something so selfish.
:Homer: Marge, those people chased us with pitchforks and torches. Torches! At 4 in the afternoon!
:Marge: It was 7 at night.
:Homer: It was during access Hollywood.
:Marge: Which is on at 4 and 7.
:Lisa: Dad, how can you turn your back on everyone who loved us?
:Bart: Flanders helped when we were in trouble.
:Homer: Who cares what he did? He's not your father.
:Bart: I wish he was.
:Homer: You don't mean that. You worship me.
:[Bart shows he designed the Flanders on a picture of Homer.]
:Bart: Oh, yeah? Look what I did to your picture. Look at it. How-dilly-doo-dilly. How-dilly-doo-dilly.
:Homer: Why you little! I'll strangle-angle you!
:[Homer strangles Bart and Marge interrupts and gives Homer her hand.]
:Bart: Diddily-diddily.
:Marge: Bart, stop it! Leave this to me. Homer... in every marriage, you get one chance to say: "l need you to do this with me."
:Homer: That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
:Marge: Homer Simpson!
:Lisa: We're saving Springfield!
:Homer: Listen to me, all of you. We are staying. We have a great life in Alaska and we're never going back to America again.
:[Homer leaves the house and the rest of the family is looking out and Bart tries to show the picture at Ned for him.]
:Homer: I have spoken!
:[Homer visits Eski Moe's and play Grand Theft Walrus.]
:Homer: Well, I guess live let her worry about me long enough.
:[Homer lifts home and discovers that the house is empty.]
:Homer: Marge? Kids?
:[Homer finds a video cassette with the text "Play me the VCR," and he do that. In the movie are Marge talking.]
:Marge: Okay. here goes. Homer live always stood up for you. When people point out your flaws I always say: Well. sometimes you have to stand back to appreciate a work of art.
:[Homer laughs.]
:Homer: Way back.
:Marge: Lately. what's keeping us together is my ability to overlook everything you do. And I overlook these things because....
:Homer: Because?
:Marge: Well. that's the thing. I just don't know how to finish that sentence anymore. So I’m leaving with the kids to help Springfield and we're never coming back. And to prove to myself that this is the end I taped this over our wedding video. Goodbye. Homie.
:[Homer looks at what is left of the wedding video.]
:Marge: I love you.
:[Homer leave the house.]
:Homer: Marge? Kids?
:[Homer faints on an ice floe. Sign saying "To be continued" "Immediately" appears. Homer lies in the snow where a polar bear going to attack him but is frightened by a woman who takes care of Homer. The rest of the family is on a train.]
:Bart: So, Mom, what's our plan?
:Marge: What are you doing up there?
:Bart: Looking through people's luggage. [with a squeaky voice] I’m the mascot of an evil corporation.
:[Bart laughs.]
:Marge: Get down from there. We have to keep a low profile till we get to Seattle to tell the world of the plot to destroy Springfield.
:Lisa: [whispers] I don't know if you guys should be talking so loud.
:Marge: Oh, Lisa, it's not like the government is listening to everybody's conversation.
:[The conductor is connected to the National Security Agency, where they listen to the calls in the U.S..]
:Woman 1 on Phone: Hi. I’m calling about your Meat Lover's pizza. I like meat. but I don't know if I’m ready to love again.
:Woman 2 on Phone: You hang up first.
:Man on Phone: No. you hang up first.
:Woman 2 on Phone: Okay.
:Man on Phone: She hung up on me!
:Lisa: But we're fugitives. We should just lay low till we get to Seattle.
:NSA-man [Shouting and cheering] Hey, everybody, I found one! The government actually found someone we're looking for! Yeah, baby, yeah!
:[Homer wakes up with a woman in a tent.]
:Medicine Woman: Homer Simpson do you know why you are here?
:Homer: Because my family cares more about other people than they do about me.
:Medicine Woman: Drink this liquid.
:[Homer drinks a liquid that gives a fire in his mouth.]
:Homer: [screams, then calmly] More, please.
:Medicine Woman: Now we will cleanse your spirit by the ancient Inuit art of throat singing.
:Homer: Throat singing?
:[Homer and Medicine Woman do a Throat singing.]
:Homer: How long are we doing this?
:Medicine Woman: Until you have an epiphany.
:Homer: Okay.
:[Homer and Medicine Woman do a Throat singing.]
:Homer: What's an epiphany?
:Medicine Woman: Sudden realization of great truth.
:Homer: Okay.
:[Homer and Medicine Woman do a Throat singing. Homer gets a vision of where he goes around and divided into pieces and is beaten.]
:Singers: Spider-Pig. Spider-Pig Does whatever a Spider-Pig does Look out! He's a Spider-Pig
:Medicine Woman: Unless you have an epiphany you will spend the remainder of your days alone.
:Homer: Epiphany, epiphany, epiphany. Bananas are an excellent source of potassium. (The ghostly hans slap him in the face) Americans will never embrace soccer? (Gets slapped again) More than two shakes and it's playing with yourself? (gets slapped again, then disembodied.) Hey, what are you doing? (His body parts begin to melt) Oh, do whatever you want to me. I don't care about myself anymore. (his body parts reverse the melting process)
:Medicine Woman: Because...?
:Homer: Because other people are just as important as me. Without them, I’m nothing. In order to save myself I have to save Springfield! That's it! Isn't it?
:[Homer is acclaimed by applause and cheering before Homer wakes from the vision.]
:Homer: That was the most incredible experience of my life. And now to find my family, save my town and drop 10 pounds! Thank you, boob lady.
:[Homer hugs the Medicine Woman and walks away. The train arrives at Seattle and family lower the head when they see Russ Cargill.]
:Marge: This is it, kids. Seattle. Russ Cargill! Do you think he saw us?
:[EPA enters the car and take care of them.]
:Russ Cargill: Yes, I did.
:[Homer go dog sledding and whips the dogs.]
:Homer: Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Jump! Jump! Land! Land! Rest! Rest! Run! Run!
:[Homer thank the dogs some attacked him before Homer gets lonely after the dogs leave him.]
:Homer: Now, I know we've had a rough day but I’m sure we can put all that behind us and just.... That's my whipping arm. Why does everything I whip leave me?
:[Homer goes into a blizzard and talking to himself.]
:Homer: Must keep going. Must keep going. No, I can't. I can't keep going. Yes, you can. No, I can't! Oh, shut up! You shut up. No, you. No, you. No, you. Oh, real mature. How could you say that? Oh, what's the point? It’s hopeless.
:[Homer faints in the snow and discovers an aurora with Medicine Woman some showing with her breasts where he should go.]
:Medicine Woman: Don't give up, Homer. You are closer than you think.
:Homer: But which way do I go? Much obliged.
:[Homer are outside Springfield and see an EPA-car and hear Lisa play wit her saxophone.]
:Guard: Ten-hut!
:Homer: Lisa! Knock off that racket. Lisa! They captured my family. What do I do? What do I do?
:[Homer sees a work vehicle and the car with the family stops in front of a Sop-sign.]
:EPA chauffeur 1: There's something strange about that sop sign.
:[Homer drive the work vehicle and intend to save the family but fails.]
:Bart: Did you hear something?
:Lisa: Probably just a moth.
:Marge: I hope it's okay.
:[Homer gets hit by ball on the vehicle and travels back and forth before he falls to the ground.]
:EPA chauffeur 2: Look, we can't keep stopping at every stop, yield or one way sign. Just move on.
:[The car drive away. Bart tries to get the driver to release them, with the results of the family becomes anesthetized.]
:Bart: Let us out! Let us out!
:EPA chauffeur 2: Stop that. You'll scratch your shackles.
:Bart: I hope I do.
:Lisa: Oh, way to go, Bart.
:Bart: You stink.
:Lisa: No, you stink.
:[The family wakes up in Springfield and they see how the city got worse, but Bart gets upset when Springfield Elementary School is left.]
:Marge: Springfield.
:Bart: I can't believe it, but it got even crappier. Oh, man.
:[The family gets scared when they hear lots of people running around in the background and Moe appears with a hat.]
:Moe: Oh, hi, Midge.
:Marge: Moe, what happened?
:Moe: With the town sealed off from the rest of the world, things got a little nutty here.
:Marge: Why are you dressed like that?
:Moe: Well, I don't like to brag, but I am now the emperor of Springfield.
:Barney: No, you're not!
:Moe: Yes, I am!
:[Moe causes an explosion.]
:Barney: Okay. Hail, emperor.
:[Russ shows up on the TV screen.]
:Russ Cargill: Attention. Springfield. Your government realized that putting you inside this dome was a terrible mistake. Therefore. we're commencing with Operation Soaring Eagle.
:[Residents cheer but gets nuts when a bomb with a time of 15 minutes is inserted into the city and residents are hiding and running away.]
:Russ Cargill: Which involves killing you all. As I speak. we're lowering a small but powerful bomb into your midst.
:Marge: Despite everything, I miss your father.
:Bart: Me too. His big, fat **s could shield us all.
:[Homer is dressed as a guard.]
:Homer: Ten-hut! At ease. I’m General Marriott Suites and I have an urgent note from the president. It says to release this town immediately.
:EPA guard: Why is it written on a leaf?
:[Homer knocks the guard and show his task list.]
:Homer: Perfect.
:[Homer tries to climb up but fail, he find super glue and put it on his hands and stick one of his hands in his crotch, he start later to climb up for the dome.]
:Homer: Now Homer Simpson's gonna show he has cojones!
:Lisa: Mom, live gotta go find Colin.
:Marge: Not now, sweetie. Doomsday is family time.
:[Lenny, Carl, Hibbert and Cletus are looking at the bomb.]
:Lenny: Hey. If one of us distracts Cargill, the rest of us can climb up that thing.
:'Carl: Who'd be dumb enough to stay behind while we escape with our lives?
:Cletus: My time to shine.
:[Cletus start talking to Russ and the residents start to climb up on the rope some goes to the top of the dome.]
:Cletus: Hey, Mr. Big TV Man, lookie here!
:Russ Cargill: What do you want?
:Cletus: Look what I can do with my thumb. You wanna know how I do it?
:Russ Cargill: Four generations of inbreeding?
:Carl: I can smell fresh air.
:Lindsay Neagle: I can hear birds.
:Sideshow Mel: I taste freedom.
:Homer: Excuse me! Watch out! Coming through!
:[Homer slides down of the rope and knocks the Residents off the rope, Homer knocks the bomb off the rope and falls to the ground, Barney manages to catch the bomb safely and puts it down.]
:Russ Cargill: I was tricked by an idiot.
:Cletus: Hey, I know how you feel. I was beat in tic-tac-toe by a chicken.
:Russ Cargill: Goodbye.
:Homer: Homer do good?
:Bart: Actually, you doomed us all. Again. Nice knowing you, Homer.
:Homer: But l...Oh. (sobs), I can't do anything right.
:[Homer kicks at the bomb some changes from 8:23 to 4:11.]
:Krusty: Get outta here!
:[Homer is chased away, and Bart walks away.]
:Comic book guy: I've spent my entire life doing nothing but collecting comic books. And now there's only time to say: Life well spent!
:[In the church is Ned with the kids, and Bart enters.]
:Ned: Okay, boys. When you meet Jesus, be sure to call him Mr. Christ.
:Todd: Will Buddha be there too?
:Ned: No.
:Bart: Hey, Flanders.
:Ned: Bart. How good to see you. And how terrible you're here.
:Bart: Thanks. Listen. I was just wondering if before I died I could pretend I had a father who cared for me.
:Ned: Come here, son. There's always room for one more in the Flanders clan.
:[Bart gets a hug from Ned and Todd and Rod do not like it. A robot trying to destroy the bomb but shoots himself with Clancy's gun.]
:Chief Wiggum: Come on, bomb-disarming robot. You're our last hope.
:Bomb-disarming Robot: Red wire. Blue wire. Black is usually the ground. So much pressure. Pressure!
:Chief Wiggum: He'd been talking about it, but I didn't take him seriously.
:[Homer walk at the town and sees Marge, but collides with a tree. The tree shows at he should go up to the top of the dome and the rays show at he should do that with a scooter some lying on the ground in the city. Homer decides to give money to the tree.]
:Homer: Marge. Marge! Marge! Oh, no, the epipha-tree! Hey, I tried my best. What am I supposed to do? But how am I supposed to get up there? Here. Buy yourself something nice.
:[Homer is driving the scoter and takes the bomb with a time at 2:10.]
:Grampa Simpson: Homer? What the **** are you doing now?
:Homer: Risking my life to save people I hate for reasons I don't quite understand. Gotta go! But first, one stop.
:[Doomsday clock shows 1:34 and Homer comes to the church where Flanders and Bart pray.]
:Homer: Bart? Son? You think you could find it in your heart to give your foolish old man one more chance?
:Bart: Oh, I don't know.
:Ned: It seems to me, son, that your father's saying that he wants to spend his last minute with you.
:Bart: No. I can't do it. I want a father who's the same in the morning as he is at night. What's that word?
:Rodd/Todd: Consistency.
:Bart: Thanks, losers. Sorry, Homer.
:Homer: I'll let you hold the bomb.
:Bart: The man knows me.
:[Bart go to Homer and they drive off.]
:Todd: I wish Homer was my father.
:Ned: And I wish you didn't have the devil's curly hair.
:[Homer and Bart travel at the moped to the top and Martin meets some bullies and beat them.]
:Martin Prince: live been taking your crap all my life! This feels good. No wonder you do it.
:Homer: Okay, you've only got one shot to throw that bomb through the hole.
:Bart: Dad, in case I miss I’m sorry I said I wished you weren't my father.
:Homer: I don't blame you, son. I wasn't much of a father. Maybe it starts with the way my dad raised me. Yes. It's clear to me. It's just been one long, unbroken cycle of....
:[Marge talk to them in a megaphone.]
:Marge: Somebody throw the god**** bomb!
:Otto: What? What's going on?
:[Bart throws the bomb and with few seconds left and the bomb is on its way back through the hole, but it stops at the outside of the dome. The residents are worried but get happy when it explodes. The dome begins to be destroyed and Bart and Homer drive down of the dome and scream at the edge of Springfield.]
:Homer: We did it, boy!
:Bart: Dad?
:[The lands outside of Springfield Gorge.]
:Homer/Bart: Whoo hoo!
:[The dome explodes completely, and Dr. Nick gets a big chunk at the body and sock off.]
:Chief Wiggum: It’s amazing no one was hurt.
:Dr. Nick: Bye, everybody.
:[Homer and Bart looks out of Springfield. Russ Cargill has a gun.]
:Bart: Now, that was a great father-son activity.
:Russ Cargill: Hello, Homer.
:Homer: So we meet at last, whoever you are.
:Russ Cargill: There's two things they don't teach you at Harvard Business School. How to cope with defeat, and how to handle a shotgun. I’m going to do both right now.
:Bart: Wait! If you kill my dad you'll never know where the treasure is buried.
:Russ Cargill: What treasure?
:Bart: The Treasure of Imawiener.
:Russ Cargill: I’m a wiener?
:Homer: Classic.
:Russ Cargill: Well, always leave them laughing. Goodbye, sir.
:[Maggie hit a rock in Russ head as he passes out.]
:Homer: Maggie! What a great little accident you turned out to be.
:[Maggie walks away and Lisa are in downtown Springfield and looking for Colin.]
:Lisa: Colin? Colin!
:Milhouse: Lisa? Colin's dead. But his last words were: Milhouse, take care of Lisa. Hold her hand.
:[Colin shows up.]
:Milhouse: I got her all warmed up for you.
:Lisa: Colin. Hi.
:Colin: Hey, you wanna go...?
:Lisa: Clean up the lake?
:Colin: Well, I was gonna say get some ice cream, but okay.
:Lisa: I like ice cream.
:[Colin and Lisa are taking each other's hand.]
:Lisa: Kind of sweaty. Sorry.
:[Homer and Bart comes to downtown Springfield and gets acclaimed. Santa's Little Helper arrives.]
:Bart: Boy! You survived! How?
:Santa's Little Helper, barks: I did things no dog should do. They will haunt me forever.
:Bart: I love you too.
:[Homer sees Marge and grab her for a ride and kiss her with Maggie in the basket.]
:Marge: Best kiss of my life.
:Homer: Best kiss of your life so far.
:[The town gets rebuilt and Homer are on the roof with Bart and fix the roof.]
:Homer: Steady. Steady. Steady.
:Bart: Dad?
:[Bart gives Homer safety glasses.]
:Homer: Thanks, boy. Steady.
:[Homer nailing himself in the leg and Homer screams and Bart laughs. The final text starts scrolling. Burn's mansion has no possessions.]
:[The end credits roll.]
:Waylon Smithers, Jr.: They've taken everything, sir.
:Mr. Burns: Smithers, I don't believe in suicide but if you'd like to try it, it might cheer me up to watch.
:[The final text will continue to roll.]
:Tom Hanks: This is Tom Hanks, saying: lf you see me in person, please, leave me be.
:[The family is sitting in a cinema during the final text.]
:Bart: Come on, Dad, let's go. live been holding it since they put the dome over the town.
:Homer: You can wait. A lot of people worked really hard on this film and all they ask is for you to memorize their names.
:Lisa: Well, I wanna make sure no animals were harmed during the filming of this movie.
:Lisa: Pew!
:Homer: Okay. Floor popcorn.
:Lisa: Wait, wait, wait! It looks like Maggie has something to say.
:Marge: Oh, my God. Her first word.
:Maggie: Sequel? [The family walks away.]
:[After the credits are finished, the squeaky-voiced teenaged janitor comes in and starts cleaning.]
:Squeaky-voiced teen: Assistant manager isn't all it's cracked up to be? Four years of film school for this!
:[Gracie Films video plays.]
:THE END
Category:Transcripts
Category:20th Century Fox Transcripts