The SpongeBob Movie: Galactic Cat-Astrophe/Transcript

* [Paramount Pictures logo]
* [Nickelodeon Movies logo]
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* [SpongeBob sighs. Then, Patrick runs to SpongeBob.]
* Patrick: SpongeBob! Hey ya, SpongeBob! Hey ya, SpongeBob! Let’s go jellyfishing.
* [SpongeBob instead shakes a jellyfish net up and down. Patrick looks confused.]
* SpongeBob: Whoo! [he continues shaking his net until he hurt his leg] Ow! He’s gone, Patrick. Gary is gone!
* Patrick: He’ll come back for dinner.
* SpongeBob: I don’t think so, Pat.
* Patrick: Then can I have dinner? [He eats some Snail-Po.]
* SpongeBob: You’re not getting it.
* [Patrick spits out some Snail-Po.]
* SpongeBob: He’s gone, like really gone for real.
* Patrick: Remember him… how he was…
* [Zooms to space, then cuts back to SpongeBob and Patrick]
* Spongebob: No, Patrick. Some spaceship took him. He is scared. He couldn’t get out, and I couldn’t save him, because I’m… just… a… doormat!
* Patrick: You’re not a doormat, SpongeBob. Because if there’s one thing, I know is that doormats can’t talk.
* SpongeBob: I tried to say it’s that… (sniffs) It’s that… (sniffs) I'm always… The nice, fun guy! And you know what happens to nice guys.
* Patrick: They get free ice cream?
* SpongeBob: No! They finish last… And that’s me, always helping others. Meanwhile, we couldn’t help the one– that meant most to me… (sighs)
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* ["10,000 years ago, 7 PM"]
* [A caveman named Harfa picks a stick from a campfire, but he accidentally burns his hand, and sucks his hand. He sees a cave. Then, he picks up a torch. He runs, but he is attacked by another caveman, Bruk, who rides on a sabortooth tiger. Then, Harfa got chased by them, only for them to run towards the front of him. Then, Bruk jumps off of a sabortooth tiger's back]
* Harfa: Please, Bruk. My family, they cold. I worry they go to sleep, they won't wake up.
* Bruk: I understand Harfa, but you play with my fire. [He holds out the torch, but as Harfa touches a torch, he burns his hand again.]
* Harfa: Ahhh! Ahhh! Ahhh!
* Bruk: You get burned. [Laughs]
* [Bruk puts a fire out by blowing it. Suddenly, the scene was paused, and it reveals that it was an in-universe film that President Dwayne Johnson and his pet tiger, Fluffy, star in.]
* President Johnson: I won the MTV movie award for that line. I'm about to address the executive council of the SBA, and this is what you want me to say?! There's not a single quip or catchphrase... Nothing! I can't believe I gave up being a movie star for this job.
* General Tallenback: But, Mr. President, your speech, it's about changes to the tax code.
* President Johnson: [he swipes the paper work] So? [He reads...] Depreciation? Oh, I'll depreciate you... with interest!
* Chief: They'll take another pass at it.
* [The speechwriters exit. Then, President Johnson stands up.]
* Chief: Sir.
* President Johnson: So, I guess it's another boring day at the office. Isn't it right, Fluffy. Eh. I guess I expected less budget balancing and a little more bad guy bashing. I'm an action hero. I need some action, some danger, some...
* [The triangular portal starts showing up.]
* Chief: What's this? Some sort of weapon test...
* [Bubbles, SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward, and Sandy enter the office via a portal]
* Bubbles: Mr. Human President. We come in peace...
* Speech Writer: Start talking, dolphin, or you're going to leave in pieces.
* President Johnson: That was a good line. Write it down.
* Squidward: This sure is one for the dream journal...
* Bubbles: I mean you no harm, unlike Commander Twinkles who intends on awakening Galcatacus and invading Earth with his army of cats.
* President Johnson: Are you telling me the world is in danger?
* Bubbles: I'm afraid so Mr. Human President.
* President Johnson: Yes! Yes!
* SpongeBob: And so is Gary.
* Bubbles: SpongeBob, the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the f-f-few. As soon as we finish here, I must return to my ship and warn the rest of the galaxy.
* Patrick: What does this red button do?
* President Johnson: No! You just dialed the Dalai Lama! Boy that guy can talk! Boy that guy can talk! Boy that guy can talk! Boy that guy can talk!
* Bubbles: Mr. Human President, time is of the essence.
* President Johnson: Right. I'm on it. Tell the SBA our tax talk will have to wait. I've got a world to save! Fluffy! To the Pentagon! To the Pentagon! To the Pentagon!
* [President Johnson jumps on Fluffy's back, rides him, and crashes through the wall.]
* SpongeBob: Sorry, Bubbles. But Gary needs me!
* [SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward, and Sandy go back to the portal.]
* Bubbles: SpongeBob! NO!
* [The portal disappears, much to Bubbles' dismay.]
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* General Walters: We’ve scrambled our AWACS. We’ll all know the moment… They breach our airspace.
* General Tallenback: And the fleet will respond proportionally… As soon as these cats touch water...
* President Johnson: They're not going to touch water!
* General Tallenback: Sir?
* President Johnson: Cats hate water! Don't you know that!
* General Tallenback: Well, I'm more of a dog man, Mr. President.
* President Johnson: Well, being a dog man isn't going to save our planet, general. Unscramble the AWACS. Recall the fleet. I’m bringing in… the trainer!
* General Tallenback: Mr. President, if you want to turn this mission over to some CIA black-ops assassin with an intimidating codename, I’ll turn in my stars right now.
* [President Johnson walks to Fluffy. But, he starts growling at him.]
* Terry: Fluffy, no! [Fluffy tames] Good boy. [He gives him a treat.]
* General Tallenback: The trainer is… an animal trainer?
* Terry: That’s right. [he gives him a treat] Good boy.
* President Johnson: We meet on the set of Hunters vs. Gatherers… Because I, of course, do my own stunts, I wasn’t sure it was safe to work with a wild Siberian… But then, Terry, come along… [They, along with the generals, look at the images of the caveman and the sabertooth tiger.] And now, I trust Fluffy with my life. [Fluffy opens his mouth and President Johnson dunks his head into it] See?
* Terry: To defeat a cat, you need to think like a cat. And no one thinks more of a cat than "Meow."
* General Tallenback: Did you just meow?
* Terry: Affirmative. [Holds out the spray bottle of water.] Now, gear up, gentlemen! Time to find what you "Puss in Boots" are made of!
* [Terry squirts water at the generals, chasing them away. Then, Terry squirts water at President Johnson and Tallenback, chasing them away.]
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* Mr. Krabs: Ahh…
* Sadie: Hi, yes. Can I get a number nine? Extra genuine. [Gives Mr. Krabs a dollar bill]
* Mr. Krabs: Of course, you…
* Policeman: Hey! I paid you to give me the notes on my novel, and it just wrote… [sniffs] This book stinks!
* Mr. Krabs: Well, those are me notes.
* Fish: Yeah! Come to think of it. My high-five… [holds up two fingers] Was only the “high-two!”
* Muscular Fish: And there is hair on my hug!!!
* [Mr. Krabs was scared]
* Fishes: Scapegoat! Scapegoat! Scapegoat! Scapegoat! Scapegoat! Scapegoat! Scapegoat! Scapegoat!
* [The fishes roam onto the favor truck.]
* Fishes: Scapegoat! Scapegoat! Scapegoat! Scapegoat! Scapegoat! Scapegoat!
* [The elderly female fish grabs an image of the live-action cowboy from the Fish Cowboy’s pocket.]
* Elderly Female Fish: Oooh! Me oh my, don’t you look handsome in this picture.
* Handsome Cowfish: [angerly] Nice try, little lady, but I don’t have any money left. Nice try, little lady.
* Elderly Female Fish: I don’t want your money. You see, a youngster did something kind to me earlier, and I just want to pay a nice deed forward. Have a wonderful day!
* [A Handsome Cowfish imagines]
* Elderly Female Fish: And I just wanted to pay a nice deed forward… [echoes]
* Handsome Cowfish: Wait! Wait!
* Fishes: Scapegoat! Scapegoat! Scapegoat! Scapegoat! Scapegoat! Scapegoat!
* [The fishes run away with Mr. Krabs.]
* Handsome Cowfish: I just realized something. We shouldn’t have to pay others for favors or compliments. Maybe we just need to learn how to be kind ourselves.
* [The fishes stop.]
* Handsome Cowfish: Because you know what? (sighs) Inside, every one of us.
* [Mrs. Puff is tied up]
* Mrs. Puff: That’s what I said.
* [The fishes overturn Mr. Krab’s Favor Truck.]
* Police Officer: The sexy cowboy might be right. Maybe the act of kindness is a payment.
* Miss Gristlepuss: There’s only one way to find out… [She scratches Incidental 6]
* Incidental 6: Awww!
* Miss Gristlepuss: It’s true! Being selfless does feel good!
* Fishes: Yeah!
* [Two fishes give each other a high five, and a fish catch another. Another fish tries to open a jar of cactuses, then a muscular fish comes over and opens it. Then, he gives it to a fish.]
* Mrs. Puff: Yeah!
* [The fish throws cactuses at Mrs. Puff, freeing her.]
* Mrs. Puff: Yeah! Yeah!
* [Mrs. Puff high-fives a fish with a cactus.]
* Mr. Krabs: No! Stop your random acts of kindness, you boneless bottom feeders!
* [The crowd try to leave, but Mr. Krabs stop them.]
* Mr. Krabs: Come back! You don't understand. Me grill is ruined! This truck business is all I have left!
* [Mr. Krabs comes out of a truck]
* Handsome Cowfish: Looks like someone’s fishin’ for a favor…
* [Mr. Krabs looks at the fishes who are smiling.]
* Mr. Krabs: AAAAAHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!
* [Fade to black.]
Category:Transcripts
Category:Movie Transcripts