Fanfic: The Wish-Maestro

Mia was walking home from work one day, when she spotted an old hag in a dark cloak standing in a stand full of jars. "One weesh, you hag?" asked the hag to Mia. "Hey, you're the hag!" Mia spat back. "What kind of wish?". "Any wish. Just peek a jar and you weel get that wish". "Hmmmm..." Mia pondered, looking up at all the jars. Each one was glowing a different color. Mia, obviously, picked the brown one. "This one!" she said. "Eeeexceleent!" said the hag. "That'll be 29.99!". Grumbling, Mia handed over the money. "How does the wish come true?". "Me show you" the hag said, grabbing the jar from Mia. She pulled out a large sledgehammer and crushed the jar flat. It exploded in a cloud of sparkly browness, pushing Mia back a yard. "Hey! My jar!" she said. When the cloud cleareed, the stand and the hag and the jar were gone. "I've been duped!" Mia screamed.Mia opened the door to her house. "Matilda, you wouldn't believe what happened to today, I-" but Matilda wasn't standing in the kitchen making a snack for the twins that she usually was. Murphy was! "Oh, hey, Mia. Have you seen Fransisco?" Murphy said. "Murphy, aren't you supposed to be at work? and why do you want Fransisco?" Mia asked. "Me? No. Matilda has a job, silly. I stay home all day". "No, you're supposed to have a job, like normal! Matilda hates working!". Just then, a timer beeped. "Oh! Time to pick up the twins!".They pulled up to PS-22, and a crowd of preschoolers bustled out of the building. "Magley! Margie!" Murphy called out the car window. Mia almost barfed at the sight that ran out of the preschool's double doors. Marley, was stout/tall, with black and pink skin blotched out all over his body. Maggie was the same. "Hop in, kids" Murphy said. "Were's Grampa?" asked Margie. "Grampa died in the wilderness before you were born, twit" Mia said. "No he didn't! I saw him yesterday!". "Well, if you're talking about Fransisco, he kinda hates you, if you haven't noticed". "He does not!". A preschooler from the crowd waved goodbye. He looked like Buck, but talked babyish. "Goodbye yoo gwuys!" he called. A large turtle punched Buck in the shoulder. "Shut up, slave!" he said, sounding a lot like Buck. Butt was next to them. "THE PERIMETER OF A QUADRILATERAL TRAPEZOID IS 9 DIVIDED BY IT'S DEPTH!" Butt screamed. "You're such a pain in the butt," Nutella said, her voice deep and growly. What was going on? Mia wondered.They pulled up to the house, and Fransisco was standing at the door. "Hey, kids!" he said. "Hey, Mia". "Grampa!" the twins cried, running up to Fransisco. What? But Fransisco hated the twins! Matilda finally came home. "Hey, 'Tilda" Murphy said. "Hi" said Matilda. She had bags under her eyes, and breifcase hanging from her shoulder. "You finish that pear repot?" asked Murphy. "Yes, but Mr. Glossyfur rejected it again". Mia got dizzy. Everything was wrong! she ran into her room, and flopped on her bed, falling alseep.Mia woke up, and got ready to go to work . She ignored the twins' good-mornings, and drove off. At the courthouse, Nut was already leaning out the door. "Mia! You're late! Get me my case file, stat!". "What? You're supposed to get me my case file!". "Don't be an idiot, just do it!". She walked through the doors, and watched as Nut took his place of the judge's throne. "Hey! Get off my seat!". "Your seat? Don't be dumb. Get me that file!". Mia reluctantly grabbed the case file, and handed it to Nut. "You are so fired!". "You can't fire me! I'm the judge!". The worlds bounced around in Mia's head. Nut? The judge? "Now, announce the case!". Mia climbed onto Nut's table, and it was a bad fit. "Presenting the honorable Judge...Nut...,case 308". She toppled forward, and fell on her cranium "Ow!". "Get it together, Mia!" Nut scolded, starting the case. "So, Hipper, you're suing Brownfeather for littering?". "Yes, your honor" said Hipper softly. "I always try to keep nature at it's best". "And you, Brownfeather?". "I didn't litter!" Brownfeather screamed, spitting a cigaratee on the ground. Why is Hipper so nice, and Brownfeather so not tree-hugger-y?. Suddenly, an uproar came from the crowd. "I OBJECT!" screamed a dog from the crowd. "Humphrey?" Mia asked. "WHAT? CHU GOTTA PRO?" Humphrey snapped. "No, no, it's just that I-"."I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK! THIS IS AN INJUSTICE! BROWNFEATHER SAYS SHE DIDN'T LITTER, YET SHE JUST DID BEFORE OUR EYES!". How was Humphrey being so outgoing? "Everyone, calm down. I'm sure we can figure this out nicely" Birdena said from the crowd. Birdena? Mia's head was throbbing with confusion. How could this have happened? She knew! That old hag with the jars! Mia ran out of the courthouse.Back at the place were the stand should be, Mia was looking for a way to make the stand appear again. Then, she remembered what she was doing when she first saw the hag. Walking home from work. Mia ran back a few paces, then walked forwards casually. "Do, do, do! Just walking home after a long day of work!". Instantly, the stand and the hag and the jars appeared. "One weesh?" asked the hag. "YES! YES! ONE WISH! YES!" Mia screamed. "Pick a jar, eeny jar" the hag replied. "Which one undoes the brown one?". "Ummmm...I don't know, they all do different things each time". Mia roared in anger. "Fine! I'll just have to try them ALL!!!". "No, don't!" the hag warned. Mia pushed back the stand and it tipped over, spilling all the jars onto the ground and exploding them. The fog was blue, yellow, green, white, black, red, purple, pink, puce, and every other color imaginable. It was so thick, Mia could hardly breathe. She dropped to the ground, and tried crawling out the the mass of gas. But she finally ran out of air, and passed out.Mia woke up laying on the street. She turned, and (just as last time) the stand and the hag were gone. "Uhhhh..." she groaned. "Mia!" a Nut-like-thing came out next to Mia. Mia screamed at the sight. Nut was a combination of all her friends! His own tail, Marley and Maggie's tufts of hair, Birdena's hard, bare arm, Turdsley's chubby yellow tummy! "You have to get back to work!". "But I'm not the judge anymore! And what's WRONG with you?!" Mia said. "Yo work at the orphanage, the hospital, you're a salesperson, and you're a student at PS-22!" Nut said. "No...NO...NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Mia got up and ran. "Gramma!" a two-toned voice called. It was Marley and Maggie, morphed into one grotesque body. Marley's face was on Maggie's leg, and Maggie's face was on her arm. They were a grody combination of pink and brown, and there voice changed from Maggie's light tone, and Marley's deeper, more annoying tone. "Ah! Get away from me!" Mia screamed. She stopped running at her house, and screamed when she saw it. The bottom part was her own house, but the top left part was the Snortlesons' House and the top right part was Nut's house. At the top was a strand of toilet paper: Turdsley's house. "Heeey Mom!" Matilda hobbled out of the front door. She had Private's wings, Fluffy's head, her own face, and Fransisco's body. "Ah!" Mia jumped back. She felt a hand on her shoulder. "Hi, Mia". She turned around and saw Birdena/Buck morphed! "No! Get back, you monsters!". Then, she felt a tingling on her hand. She looked, and...her arm was turning into Turdsley's arm! And her shoulder was turning into Buck's shoulder! She was turning into one of them! "Noooooooo!" Mia screamed, running down the street. Suddenly, the hag and the stand appeared on the sidewalk. "One weesh?" asked the hag. "YES! YES! GIVE ME A WISH NOW!". "Oops, sorry. We ran out after you destroyed them all". "RRRRAAAAHHHH!". Mia charged at the hag, and pinned her to the ground. Her snout at turned into Butt's muzzle, complete with razor sharp teeth. She bared them at the hag. "Change everyone back!" she demanded, her voice sounding like Hipper's. "I can't! You destroyed all the jars!". "RRRRAAAAHHH!". Mia started beating up the hag. The only normal part of herself left was her upper body. "Change! Me! Back!" Mia screamed, pounding the hag in the face with Turdsley's chubby fists. Suddenly, a jar rolled from the hag's pocket. "Haha! You liar, there's one left!". Mia picked up the jar. "No, don't!". "Right, sure. you just want me to be cursed forever!". Mia threw the jar to the ground, and it exploded. After the fog cleared, Mia saw she was back to normal! Then, she hear a maniacal laugh. Looming over her was the hag, 100 feet tall and a combination of everyone in the world, but Mia. "You fool, you fell for it! Now I am the ruler of the WORLD! Ha ha ha!". "Help, Mia!" Nut said, who was part of the hag's leg. "Gramma!" the twins cried from the arm. Suddenly, Mia had an idea. "Everyone, attack the hag!". Mia thought that sense she couldn't get her friends off the hag, she could just make them attack the hag from within! "Ow! Stop it!" the hag said. "OW! STOP!". Nut gnawed on the knee, Butt chewed at the stomach flesh. "Yes! Yes! Keep going!" Mia cried. Humphrey was at the hag's chest. "Humphrey, you have to attack the hag's heart to kill it!". "But...but, I...". "DDDDOOOOO IIIITTTT!". "Okay...". Humphrey punched the hag in the heart. "Ahhhhhh!" the hag roared. "Keep punching!". Humphrey punched more, and the hag screamed more. "One more!". Humphrey ripped out the hag's heart, which was the size of a house. It fell to the ground, and landed with a squish. The hag screamed, and toppled, too. She landed with a poof of magic fog. After it cleared, everyone was back to their normal selves. And the hag was in her normal, tiny body, dead. "Hurray!" everyone cried. And they lived crappily ever after.