Zomped

Zomped is the thirteenth episode of Cult of Squid. It aired May 23rd, 2019.
== Plot ==
While preparing for a battle with the cult, the Feathered Friends try to get weapons from a dangerous local arms dealer named "Zomp".
==Transcript==
(Episode opens in the exact same place around the exact same table the previous episode opened)
Patrick: So how are we getting weapons to fight the cult?
SpongeBob: I have no idea. We need some good weapons fast though. 
Plankton: Wait a minute, I know a guy.
Mermaid Man: Who?
Barnacle Boy: Yeah who, tell us.
Plankton: Well his name is Zomp and he’s um kind of (whispers Evil to Barnacle Boy, Patrick, and SpongeBob) so yeah.
SpongeBob: He’s evil?!
Mermaid Man: EVIL?!! 
(Mermaid man runs around wildly knocking tables over while screaming "evil")
Plankton: Yes evil, but this whole cult invasion may have changed him.
SpongeBob: Does he have good weapons?
Plankton: Only the best.
SpongeBob: Then it’s worth a shot! 
Plankton: Slight issue, I have no idea where he’s holed up these days. who knows, he might've been killed like a million other people.
Spongebob: hm, that is a problem.
Barnacle boy: what was his name?
Plankton: i think it was "Zomp." Wait! I know! (Takes out tiny laptop) maybe i can track him down.
Spongebob: how will you do that?
Plankton: you see, when I was operating with Zomp, He hooked me up with a tracking chip to find his location if he moved his operating area. I just need to find my "Zomp tracker" application. 
Barnacle boy: hurry up, I think Mermaid Man is going to pass ou- (looks offscreen) oh, nevermind.
Plankton: Bingo! According to my tracker, he's operating just below the Town Hall.
Spongebob: great, then let's go!
Plankton: er, second problem. He uses a secret passcode and i kinda forgot it.
SpongeBob: Don’t you have hacking experience?
Plankton: Yes and no.
Patrick: Hey guys, let’s just go and try to get in so we can get weapons.
Plankton: Alright, alright. 
(The Feathered Friends leave and head towards town hall)
Barnacle Boy: So how are we getting in?
Plankton: Honestly I have no idea.
Patrick: What if we ummmmmmmmmmmm (smoke starts coming from his head)
Plankton: Any other ideas?
SpongeBob: Is there a secret knock?
(Everyone looks at SpongeBob with confusion)
SpongeBob: Like I knock in a certain pattern and then the door opens?
(Everyone looks at SpongeBob with even more confusion)
SpongeBob: You know what never mind.
Plankton: I can always just try to input the correct password.
(Plankton tries to jump up and type the passcode, but can’t reach the box)
Barnacle Boy: need some help?
Mermaid Man: yes, please.
Barnacle Boy: (sighs) he means me, you old fool.
(Barnacle Boy lifts Plankton up to the password box)
Plankton: I know what it is!
(Plankton types: U R M U M G E Y, and the door instantly opens as some security personnel run out)
SpongeBob: How did you know that was the passcode?
Plankton: Lucky guess. 
Patrick: (brain stops smoking) hey, security guards!
Zomp Security 1: Who are you?
Patrick: Um, ummmmm (brain starts smoking again)
Plankton: Friends of Zomp’s.
Zomp Security 2: Okay, right this way.
Plankton: (large gulp) uh, my name is Sheldon J Plankton, and I, uh, would like to see my old accomplice Zomp.
Zomp Security 2: (yelling to Zomp, who is inside) ZOMP! DO YOU KNOW ANYONE BY THE NAME OF SHELDON J. PLANKTON?
Zomp: (offscreen) yes, I do. Let him in.
Zomp Security 1: you may step in. Don't touch the pizza rolls on the table. those are mine.
(They walk in. Cut to the inside where Zomp is sitting in a chair)
Zomp: hello, Plankton. Long time no see.
Plankton: indeed, Zomp. It's been what, 2 years since we last talked?
Zomp: Yes. What brings you here today?
Plankton: we would like to purchase all of of your weapons, please. Will $75 be sufficient?
Spongebob: wait, we had $75?
Zomp: hm, i suppose this'll do. 
Plankton: ok then, we'll just take our weapons and-
Zomp: however, I won't accept it.
Plankton: WHAT?!
Zomp: I'll tell you what will, though. See, I've had this plan to rob the Bikini Bottom Bank for a while now, even before the takeover of those squid things. However, I haven't been able to. Here's the deal- if you rob the bank for me, I'll give my entire stock to you.
Plankton: that'll be easy- the security mustve abandoned the building.
Zomp: well yes, but the squids have taken over the bank, too, so it'll be tricky. If you do get into some trouble, I've got some guards posted near there that can help you. They can't go in because they're deathly afraid of the squids.
Plankton: can you at least supply us some weapons?
Zomp: (sigh) fine. Take this pistol. (Throws pistol into Spongebob's hands)
Spongebob: woah, what is this thing?
(The gun fires and nearly hits Zomp's head)
Zomp: GET THE (DOLPHIN NOISE) OUTTA HERE!
(They all run out. Cut to them walking to the bank)
Spongebob: so what's the plan, Plankton?
Plankton: I haven't-er-thought of one because we left in such a hurry.
Patrick: what if we pulled a heist?
Plankton: (sarcastically) wow, what an excellent idea. 
Mermaid Man: oh- I know just what to do! We've thwarted tons of bank robbers back in our young days!
Spongebob: ooo, just like in episodes 1, 8, 9, 89, 76, 35, 23, 67, 90, 99, 179, 200-
Barnacle Boy: WILL YOU- (clears throat) yes, just like those episodes.
Plankton: alright, we're here.
(Shot zooms out to reveal the bank and it's surrounded by squids)
(Shot returns)
Plankton: he wasn't kidding when he said there were squids here, so we're gonna have to be reeaaaallllyyy stealthy. Here's the plan- we go up to the roof and drop into the building. Then, we take the money.
Spongebob: wow, your plans are usually really long and complicated.
Patrick: remember that time where he got Neptune to nearly kill your boss?
Plankton: shut up and let's go!
(They tiptoe offscreen. Cut to the side of the building where they all are, and Patrick is trying to jump to the roof)
Patrick: why can't i reach the roof?
Plankton: (short pause) are you really this stupid?
Squid: (offscreen) who goes there?!
Plankton: sh(dolphin noise)! GET INTO YOUR COSTUMES!
(They all zip up their sloppy squid costumes)
Barnacle boy: i feel ridiculous.
Plankton: shh! Here he comes!
Squid: (walks onscreen) have you seen anyone around here lately?
Plankton: no, sir! 
Squid: don't call me sir. And let us know if you see them. (Walks off)
(They all take off their costumes)
Plankton: phew. 
(Cut to a shot of the roof. A grappling hook wraps around a part of the top. Plankton, Barnacle Boy. And mermaid man jump onto the roof)
Plankton: get up! Hurry!
(Cut to spongebob struggling to climb the rope and Patrick chewing on it)
Spongebob: i can't! Patrick's too heavy! 
(Cut back)
Plankton: well keep trying!
(They eventually get up)
Spongebob: you know, Plankton, I'm having second thoughts about this bank heist.
Plankton: now's not the time- hop on!
Barnacle boy: im also having second thoughts. This is too dangerous for my liking.
Spongebob: but you once fought Manray on the moon.
Barnacle boy: we were young back then.
(Cut to a zomp guard eavesdropping on the conversation)
Zomp guard: (talking on walkie talkie) zomp, come in, zomp! 
Zomp: (on walkie talkie) what is it?
Zomp guard: it appears as if they are quitting their mission.
Zomp: (on walkie talkie) WHAT?! PLANKTON AND I WENT ON HEISTS LIKE THIS ALL THE-
Zomp guard: calm down, sir, I'm just as enraged as you are. 
Zomp: (on walkie talkie) fire a shot at them, teach those betrayers a lesson!
(Cuts back)
Plankton: so, I guess it's a bail?
(Mermaid Man gets shot and falls over, and everyone gasps and freaks out)
Mermaid Man: (stands back up) owww! I have a leg cramp!
Zomp guard: (stops hiding from cover) freeze!
(Cuts to a zoomed-out shot of zomp guards all surrounding the feathered friends)
(Cuts back as Zomp drops from sky)
Plankton: woah, what's happening?
Zomp: YOU TRAITORS! I ALWAYS KNEW YOU WOULDN'T COMPLETE THE MISSION! 
Plankton: what?!
Zomp: as punishment for betraying me, i will have all of you KILLED IMMEDIATELY!
Barnacle boy: not if we have anything to say about it! (Kicks zomp in the face)
Zomp: (starts shaking) KILL THEM!
Barnacle Boy: (worried tone) oh boy.
(Fight scene. Spongebob blows a zomp guard into a bubble, Mermaid Man falls asleep on one which pushes him off the edge, plankton gets stepped on and Patrick knocks a weapon bag out of a guard's hands)
Spongebob: he dropped the bag! Quick, snag it and run away!
(Spongebob grabs the bag and they climb down the roof. Cut to them at the KK)
Spongebob: we hit the jackpot
Plankton: Well now we need a base, like bunker to hide them. 
Patrick: We should test them first.
Plankton: Wait what why?
Patrick: (brain starts smoking again) uhhhhhhhh…
Plankton: remind me why he's still here?
Patrick: oh, i know! I remember seeing a cult outpost behind the cult before!
Plankton: wait, really?!
Patrick: uhhhhhhh
Plankton: oh for the love- let's just go.
Patrick: go where?
(Cut to them behind the Lodge carrying the bag of weapons)
Spongebob: wow, this should be a good place!
Plankton: wait, who are they?
(Shot cuts to Noseward, Security, and a few elite cult members at a meeting)
Noseward: and that's why i firmly believe- (notices the FF) wait… HOW DID THEY GET THERE?
(The elites knock the table over and stands up)
Elite 1: DONT MOVE (pulls gun out) OR WE SHOOT!
Elite 2: WHAT HE SAID!
Spongebob: (Holds hands in air) this is bad.
Plankton: ya think?
(Camera zooms to the side of the Lodge where Zomp is spying on the FF and the Cult)
Zomp: mark my words, I'll get my revenge.
(A ghostly laugh is heard that isn't zomp)
Zomp: what… what was that?
Category:2019 Episodes
Category:Cult of Squid
Category:Purple133
Category:Locknloaded23
Category:TheJasbre202