Eggman, Vanitas, and Mephiles' Boasting/Invitation to Dinner

(Back in town that evening as it snowed there as well, Eggman, Vanitas, and Mephiles, now back in their normal clothing and cleaned up, frowned as Eggman sat on his armchair while Vanitas laid on the couch, and Mephiles laid on his cot)
Eggman: (Angrily) Who do they think they are?
Vanitas: Those girls have tangled with the wrong men!
Mephiles: (Angrily) No one says "no" to Eggman, Vanitas, or Mephiles!
(The three Badnik robots and the dog, carrying three glasses of beer and cleaned up also, looked concerned)
Barnyard Dawg: (Scoffs) Darn right.
Vanitas: Dismissed! Rejected!
(He, Eggman, and Mephiles grabbed the mugs)
Mephiles: Publicly humiliated!
(He, Eggman, and Vanitas furiously threw them into the fireplace)
Eggman: Why, it's more than we can bear!
Scratch: More beer?
Grounder: It's free.
Vanitas: Really?! What for?!
Eggman: Nothing helps.
Mephiles: We're disgraced.
Coconuts: Who? You three? Never!
Barnyard Dawg: Guys, you gotta pull yourselves together.
(The man, the dark boy, and the crystal-like hedgehog glanced while the Badniks began singing)
Scratch: Gosh, it disturbs us to see you, Dr. Robotnik, Vanitas, and Mephiles
Looking so down in the dumps
(As he sang that, he tried to force Drake to smile, only to be punched toward the table where an evil duck, a duck witch, and a raven named Negaduck, Magica DeSpell, and Poe DeSpell were drinking)
Grounder: Every guy here'd love to be you, Dr. Robotnik, Vanitas, and Mephiles
Even when taking your lumps
(The grumpy man turned the chair away along with himself, crossing his arms with the grumpy dark boy and crystal-like hedgehog)
Coconuts: There's no man in town as admired as you three
You're everyone's favorite guys
Barnyard Dawg: Everyone's awed and inspired by you three
(He and the three Badniks then began turning the man's chair around as they continued)
Badniks: And it's not
Very hard
To see why
(Then, Scarlett, Sammy, and Sky got on Eggman, Vanitas, and Mephiles respectively as they sighed to them)
Scratch: No one's
Slick as Robotnik, Vanitas, and Mephiles
No one's quick as Robotnik, Vanitas, and Mephiles
No one's neck is incredibly thick as Robotnik, Vanitas, and Mephiles
Grounder: For there's no one in town half as manly
Perfect, a pure paragon
(As he sang next, he stepped onto Negaduck, Magica, and Poe's heads, much to their brief annoyance before jumping back to Eggman, Vanitas, and Mephiles)
Coconuts: You can ask any Negaduck, Magica, or Poe
Barnyard Dawg: And they'll tell you who's team they'd prefer to be on
(The evil duck, the duck witch, the raven, and Barnyard Dawg then grabbed the Badniks before swinging them up and down toward Eggman, Vanitas, and Mephiles)
Six: No one's
Been like Robotnik, Vanitas, and Mephiles
A kingpin like Robotnik, Vanitas, and Mephiles
Scratch: No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Robotnik, Vanitas, and Mephiles
(The man, dark boy, and crystal-like hedgehog finally grinned before shrugging and singing)
Eggman, Vanitas, and Mephiles: As specimens, yes
We're intimidating
(Vanitas flexed his muscles while in the corner, the good villagers just rolled their eyes in annoyance secretly)
Followers: My, what two guys
That Robotnik, Vanitas, and Mephiles
(The followers clinked their glasses together)
Followers: Give five hurrahs
Give twelve hips-hips
Badniks: Robotnik, Vanitas, and Mephiles are the best
Barnyard Dawg: And the rest is all drips
(Then, by accident, where Eggman, Vanitas, and Mephiles stood proudly, the chicken Badnik accidentally threw his drink on the man, dark boy, and crystal-like hedgehog's faces)
Followers: (Shocked) Ooooh!
(Angrily, Eggman, Vanitas, and Mephiles glared at Scratch, who sheepishly hid his glass behind him. Then, Eggman punched the chicken Badnik, making him fly through the bar, followed by Grounder and Coconuts. He, Vanitas, and Mephiles then brawled with Negaduck, Magica, and Poe)
Followers: No one
Fights like Robotnik, Vanitas, and Mephiles
Douses lights like Robotnik, Vanitas, and Mephiles
(Then, as they continued singing, Vanitas bit Negaduck's leg)
Negaduck: In a wrestling match
Nobody bites like Vanitas
Total Drama Girls: For there's no one as burly and brawny
(Then, Vanitas lifted the bench the Total Drama girls were sitting on while they watched with excitement)
Vanitas: As you can see
I've got biceps to spare
Barnyard Dawg: Not a bit of him scraggly or scrawny
(The bench was dropped on top of Scratch, Grounder, and Coconuts, who were squished underneath by the Total Drama girls)
Mephiles: That's right
Eggman: And every last inch of me's covered with (Reveals his chest) hair
Followers: No one hits like Robotnik, Vanitas, and Mephiles
Catches wits like Robotnik, Vanitas, and Mephiles
Grounder: In a spitting match
Nobody spits like Robotnik, Vanitas, and Mephiles
Robotnik, Vanitas, and Mephiles: I'm especially good at expectorating
(They both then spit out a huge spit wad of chewing tobacco around the bar while most of the male followers held up 10 signs)
Male followers: Ten points for Robotnik, Vanitas, and Mephiles
(The wad went around as Scratch, Grounder, and Coconuts each held the vase, but as it went in, Scratch, Grounder, and Coconuts slipped and the vase accidentally went on his head. Robotnik, Vanitas, and Mephiles began juggling eggs)
Eggman: When I was a lad, I ate four dozen eggs
Vanitas: Every morning to help me get large
(Robotnik, Vanitas, and Mephiles ate their eggs. After removing the vase, Scratch, Grounder, and Coconuts juggled the eggs upward. However, they landed all over their faces while Barnyard Dawg laughed at them)
Mephiles: And now that I'm grown, I eat five dozen eggs
So we're roughly the size of a barge
Followers: No one
Shoots like Robotnik, Vanitas, and Mephiles
Makes those beauts like Robotnik, Vanitas, and Mephiles
Coconuts: Then goes stomping around wearing boots like Ratigan
Eggman, Vanitas, and Mephiles: We use antlers in all of our decorating
(As they sang that line, Eggman, Vanitas, and Mephiles pointed to the wall by the fireplace showing trophies of animal heads they killed while sitting in their armchair)
Barnyard Dawg: And their names are....
Grounder: E-G-G.... E-G....
Coconuts: We're trying to spell them out
Scratch: D'oh
(On "D'oh," Barnyard Dawg bonked the three on each head in annoyance. Then, Barnyard Dawg and the male followers began lifting him)
Followers: My what three guys
Robotnik, Vanitas, and Mephiles
(As they lifted the chair Ratigan and Drake sat on, they carried it while the Badniks, noticing, yelped and tried running. However, they unknowingly threw Eggman, Vanitas, Mephiles, and the chair onto them, nearly crushing them. When the song was done, the bar cheered as Eggman, Vanitas, and Mephiles grinned. Then, all of a sudden, two familiar humanoid bandicoots came in, gasping in fear)
Crash: Help!
Tawna: Someone help us!
Hiro Hamada: (Concerned) Crash and Tawna Bandicoot?
Tawna: Please! Please! (Fearfully) My husband and I need your help!
Crash: (Goes to each table) He's got her.... He's got them locked in the tower!
Gogo Tomago: (Concerned) Who, guys?
Tawna: Amy, Sally, and Cosmo!
Crash: (Shoving Bebop) We have to go, not a minute to lose!
Vanitas: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down, Crash and Tawna.
Mephiles: Hold your fire.
Eggman: Who's got Amy, Sally, and Cosmo locked in a tower?
Crash: It's a were-echidna! A horrible, monstrous, beast that is a cross between a werewolf and a regular echidna!
Tawna: And he has a werehog and werefox!
(Everyone only looked confused before the followers laughed hysterically)
Shredder: (Gesturing) Are they big beasts?
Crash: Huge! Very!
(Then, Bebop grabbed the empty mug, putting it over his mouth and making it look huge)
Bebop: With long ugly snouts?
Tawna: Hideously ugly!
Krang: And sharp, cruel fangs?
Rocksteady: And sharp cruel claws?
Crash: Yes, yes!
Tawna: Will anybody help us?
Vanitas: (Winking at his, Vanitas, and Mephiles' followers) Oh, sure.
Eggman: All right, my pets.
Drake: (Agreeing with Eggman and Vanitas) We'll help you both.
(Then Dr. Neo Cortex's mutants grabbed Crash and Tawna and lead them out the door)
Hiram and Utonium: Oh, thank you! Thank you!
(Suddenly, the mutants threw Crash and Tawna out into the snow. Back inside, the good villagers got concerned and left while the followers resumed what they're doing)
Komodo Joe: Crazy old Crash Bandicoot.
Komodo Moe: He's always good for a laugh!
Pinstripe Potoroo: Especially when he made his wife, Tawna, crazy just now!
(They laughed. Eggman, Vanitas, and Mephiles, hearing them, thought up a plan)
Eggman: Crazy old Crash and Tawna Bandicoot, huh?
Vanitas and Mephiles: Crazy old Crash and Tawna Bandicoot....
(They looked down at Scratch, Grounder, and Coconuts, who recovered, and began singing)
Eggman, Vanitas, and Mephiles: Badniks, we've just suddenly been thinking
Badniks: A dangerous pastime?
Eggman, Vanitas, and Mephiles: (Annoyed) We know!
(They ushered Barnyard Dawg to come to them as well)
Eggman: Those wacky old coots
Are Amy, Sally, and Cosmo's parents
And his sanity only so-so
Vanitas: Now, the wheels in our heads
Are turning
Mephiles: Since we looked
At those loony old foxes
Eggman, Vanitas, and Mephiles: See, we promised ourselves
We'd be married to Amy, Sally, and Cosmo
And right now, we're evolving a plan
(The followers listened as Eggman, Vanitas, and Mephiles whispered to Fidget and Vanitas the plan)
Scratch, Grounder, and Coconuts: (Surprised) You what?!
Barnyard Dawg: No, would they...?
Eggman, Vanitas, and Mephiles: Guess!
Badniks and Barnyard Dawg: Now, we get it!
Seven: Let's go for it!
(Then they began singing)
Seven: No one
Plots like Robotnik, Vanitas, and Mephiles
Eggman, Vanitas, and Mephiles: Takes cheap shots
Like Robotnik, Vanitas, and Mephiles
Badniks and Barnyard Dawg: Plans to persecute harmless crackpots
Like Robotnik, Vanitas, and Mephiles
(Then the followers joined in)
Followers: And their marriages we soon will be celebrating
My what three guys
Robotnik, Vanitas, and Mephiles
(Outside, Crash and Tawna were helped up by the good villagers)
Tawna: Why are you helping us?
Judy: Because we don't like Eggman, Vanitas, and Mephiles.
Nick: We heard your dilemma, and we'll help you in any way we can.
Wreck-It-Ralph: That's right.
Merida: I agree.
Kristoff: Exactly.
Anna: Amy, Sally, and Cosmo are our friends, too. And we'll do everything in our power to help.
Flynn Rider: Yeah.
Rapunzel: That’s right. And we’ll do anything in our power to help you both.
Crash: (Gratefully) Oh, thank you!
Tawna: (Gratefully) Thank you!
Mane Seven, Stallion Seven, Spike, and Ember: You’re welcome.
(Then they head back to their cottage. Back at the castle, Amy, Sally, and Cosmo were still crying. Just then, they heard a knock at the bedroom door. They turned to the door, looking concerned)
Amy: Who is it?
Lola: (Voice-over) It's Lola Bunny.
Bugs: (Voice-over) And her husband, Bugs.
(The female pink hedgehog, the female squirrel/chipmunk hybrid, and the Seedrian got off of the bed while the latter opened the door. The two rabbits entered while pushing the cart. With them are Donald, José, Panchito, Shining Armor, and Banjo)
Lola: We thought you might like some tea.
Cosmo: (Shocked) Wait, you're all....
(Just then, she yelped, bumping into a sleeping Alicorn pony with a cerise coat, purple eyes, a mane and tail of violet, rose, and soft gold colors, and a cutie mark that presents a teal gem heart within the golden lace, waking her up. That is Princess Cadence)
Cadence: Oh, careful.
Cosmo: Anthropomorphic animals?
Cadence: My name is Princess Cadence.
Amy: My goodness, I didn't think it was possible, but we see anthropomorphic animals everywhere.
(They then looked at the other servants)
Sally: And you guys are?
Donald: My name is Donald Duck.
José : My name is José Carioca. But you can call me "Joe," "Zé," or just "José."
Panchito: And my name is Panchito Romero Miguel Junipero Francisco Quintero Gonzalez. But you can just call me "Panchito."
Shining Armor: And I’m her husband, Shining Armor.
Bugs: My name is Bugs Bunny, and this lovely angel is my wife, Lola.
Lola: (Chuckling) Nice to meet you all.
(Banjo chittered happily)
José: And this is Banjo.
Cadence: It may be impossible, but here we all are.
(Sofia smiled from behind her parents)
Sofia: I told you those three girls were pretty, Mother and Father, didn't I?
Lola: All right.
(The tea cups were taken before they filled up the tea)
Bugs: Slowly now. Don't spill.
(Sofia then gave each of the girls their cups)
Amy: Oh, thank you.
Sally: Thanks.
Sofia: Do you wanna see a trick?
(She then conjured a bubble from Cosmo's cup and flew it into the air before popping it back into liquid form in Cosmo's cup)
Cosmo: Wow. Nice.
Lola: That was a very brave thing you all did.
Cadence: We all think so as well.
(The servants nodded in agreement while Amy, Sally, and Cosmo sighed sadly)
Amy: But we've lost me and my sisters' parents.
Sally: Our dreams.
Cosmo: Everything we had. At least we have us.
Lola: She's right. Cheer up.
Bugs: It'll turn out all right in the end, you'll see.
(The female pink hedgehog, the female squirrel/chipmunk hybrid, and the female Seedrian smiled a bit)
Lola: (Giggles) Oh, listen to us.
Bugs: Chatting away when there's dinner to be served. Come along, guys.
(The servants nodded as they began walking out of the room)
Bugs: Sofia, Come along now.
(The bunny nodded before leaving)
Sofia: Bye!
(After the other servants left, the girls looked at Cadence)
Cadence: Well, then. What will we dress you in for dinner? Oooh, let's see what I got in the wardrobe!
(As she opened the cabinet, some moths came out before she chuckled sheepishly)
Cadence: Sorry, it's been a while. How embarrassing!
(She then looked at some dresses)
Cadence: Oh, here are some for the girls.
Amy: Thank you for the offer, but why should we go to dinner with him?
Cosmo: Yeah?
Sally: He held our parents prisoner.
Cosmo: Why should we treat him like he's different?
Amy: Besides, we're not going to dinner.
Sally: That's right.
Cadence: (Gasps) But you have to.
Sally: Now look....
(However, Foghorn and Daffy entered the room, with Foghorn clearing his throat)
Foghorn: Dinner is served.
(At the dining room, the were-echidna waited impatiently, pacing around as Rev, Bia, Bugs, Lola, the werehog, and the werehog and the werefox watched)
Were-Echidna: What's taking those girls so long? I told them to come down. (Growls) Why the heck aren't they here yet?!
Lola: You have to be patient, sire.
Bugs: It's true. Those three girls lost their parents and their freedom all in one day.
(The were-echidna only looked disgusted)
Rev: Master? Do you think those three girls are the ones to break the spell?
Were-Echidna: (Glares) Of course I have! I'm no fool.
Rev: (Grins) Good then.
(As he spoke next, Bia lit two candles he's holding)
Rev: You three fall in love with them, and they fall in love with you three, and (Blows the candles out) Poof! The spell is broken!
Bia: And we'll be human again by midnight.
Bugs: Um, Rev, Bia, it's not that simple; These things take time.
Bia: But the rose already began to wilt.
Rev: What else are we suppose to do about it?
Were-Echidna: (Looks at himself, the werehog, and the werefox) It's no use. Those girls are so beautiful and we're....
(He then glared at them)
Were-Echidna: Well, look at us!
Werehog: And besides, they're afraid of us.
Werefox: My sentiments exactly.
Lola: You have to help them see past all that.
Were-Echidna: (Turns away) I don't know how.
(Bugs looked at the three in determination)
Bugs: Well, you can start by making yourselves more presentable. (Seriously) Straighten up.
(The were-echidna, werehog, and werefox obeyed his order)
Bugs: Try to act like gentlemen.
Naveen: And when those girls come in, give them a dashing smile. Well, come on, smile.
(The were-echidna, werehog, and werefox grinned and showed all of their teeth forcefully, making Bia yelp)
Bia: Uh, just don't scare the daylights out of them like you're doing to me!
(They then continued giving some advice to the three monsters)
Rev: Impress her with your delightful wit.
Lola: But be gentle.
Bia: Shower them with compliments.
Bugs: But be sincere.
Rev: And above all....
Four: (To the werehog and werefox) Don't be shy! (To the were-echidna) And you must control your temper!
(Just then, they noticed the door opening)
Bia: (Gasps) Here they come!
(The were-echidna, werehog, and werefox smiled happily. Just then, the meekish Eds came to the room)
Eds: Good evening, Master.
(The were-echidna glared while the werehog and werefox got disappointed)
Were-Echidna: (Impatiently) Well, where are those girls?
Werehog: (Concerned) Are they coming or not?
Werefox: (Concerned) Give them time.
Foghorn: (Worried) Who? (Realizes nervously) Oh, those girls. Of course.
Daffy: (Sighs) Well, you see, they and their friends are in the process of.... (Gulps) Well, circumstances being what they are....
Foghorn: (Frightened) They're not coming down.
Were-Echidna: (Angrily roaring) WHAT?!
(The were-echidna barged out of the room towards the East Wing, running in all fours as the werehog, the werefox, and the servants quickly followed him)
Foghorn: Master! Stop!
Daffy: Let's not be hasty!
(Then, as they came to the door, the angry were-echidna pounded on the door)
Were-Echidna: I thought I told you three to come down to dinner!
Amy: (Voice-over) We're not hungry!
Sally: (Voice-over) Yes! So beat it!
(The werehog, the werefox, and the servants only looked down as the were-echidna glared)
Were-Echidna: You come out or I'll-I'll-I'll break down the door!
Cosmo: (Voice-over) We like to see you try because we locked it!
Rev: Uh, Master?
(He looked at the roadrunner angrily)
Rev: I could be wrong, but that is not the best way to win the three girls' affections.
Foghorn: Please, attempt to be a gentleman.
(The were-echidna only glared back at the door)
Were-Echidna: (Through gritted teeth) But those girls are being so difficult!
Lola: Gently, gently....
(He growled a bit, turning back to the door)
Were-Echidna: (Calmly) Will any of you come to dinner?
Werehog: You must be hungry.
Werefox: Have some food.
Sally: (Voice-over) If you did not hear any of us, then I will say this: Our answer together is still no, you monster.
Were-Echidna: (Points to the door with a "I told you so" look) Hmmm?
Werehog: Ah, ah. Suave, genteel.
(The were-echidna bowed, clutching to his cape as he narrowed to the door)
Were-Echidna: It would give me great pleasure if you would join me and my brothers for dinner.
(His fists looked like they were shaking with anger)
Rev: Say "please."
Were-echidna, werehog, and werefox: (Glances) Please?
Girls: (Voice-over) No thank you!
(The angry were-echidna glared angrily with fury)
Were-Echidna: You can't stay in there forever!
Amy: (Voice-over) Yes we can!
Cosmo: (Voice-over) We'd rather starve than eat with you!
Were-Echidna: (Angrily) Fine! Then go ahead and (Roars) STARVE!!
(He then turned angrily to the six servants, who each looked frightened)
Were-Echidna: (To the servants) If they don't eat with me and my brothers, then none of them don't eat at all! (To his brothers) Come on!
(With that, he ran off angrily and slammed a door very loudly after the werehog and werefox followed in concern. Then a small piece of the ceiling fell onto Daffy's head)
Daffy: Ow.
Bia: (Sarcastically) Well, that worked like a dream.
Foghorn: All right. Rev, you and Bia stand watch at the door. Inform me of the slightest change.
Rev: (Salutes) You can count on us, Foghorn.
Tiana: We won't let you down!
(They started walking back and forth, guarding the door)
Bugs: (Sighs) Well, we might as well go downstairs and start cleaning up.
Daffy: Yeah.
(With that, they headed downstairs, leaving the roadrunner and fairy to continue their work. In the West Wing, the were-echidna threw the door open, stomping in over to his dressing table with the werehog and werefox speaking angrily)
Werehog: How could you say they can starve like that?!
Were-Echidna: (Frustrated) I asked them nicely! But they still refused!
Werefox: But what if they change their minds?!
Were-Echidna: (Angrily and evenly) Well, what do you want me to do?! Beg?!
(When they were near the dressing table, the were-echidna glanced at the magic mirror and picked it up)
Were-Echidna: Show me the girls!
(Slowly, a vision of three angry girls sitting on the bed appeared. Cadence was sitting near them as she tried calming them)
Cadence: Please, come on. Why can't all of you give him a chance?
Cosmo: Why should we?! Did he ever give our parents a chance? Ha! I wish!
Sally: Don't let him make us laugh!
Amy: (Angrily) I wouldn't give him a chance, especially if he were the last person on Earth!
Cadence: But he's not so bad once you get to know him.
Amy: (Scoffing) I don't want to get to know him! I don't want to have anything to do with that.... That monster!
(The were-echidna's face dropped with a worried look before looking down as the image vanished)
Were-Echidna: Oh, I'm just kidding myself. She and her friends'll never see me as anything....
(He then placed the mirror face down on the dressing table)
Were-Echidna: But a monster.
(He looked sadly at the rose in the glass jar as a petal from it fell)
Were-Echidna: (Sadly) It's hopeless....
(Feeling sad for him, the werehog and werefox looked back at the West Wing door and deciding to do something about those three girls, began to walk away when...)
Mouse King: (Sadly) Where are you going? Cleaning up?
(The werehog and werefox, despite hating telling lies to their brother, lied)
Werefox: Yes.
Werehog: And then we'll return.
(And with that, they left as the were-echidna continued to look at the rose sadly)
Coming up: Amy and her sisters come out, feeling hungry and end up befriending more servants and even the werehog and werefox themselves. Then they are treated as guests with some food.
Category:Fan Fiction
Category:Beauty and the Beast Fanmakes
Category:Beauty and the Beast Parodies