Homer the Great/Quotes

:Bart: What do they do there?
:Homer: What don't they do? They do so many things, they never stop. Oh, the things they do there, my stars!
:Lisa: You don't know what they do, do you, Dad?
:Homer: Not as such, no.
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:Homer: Why won't those stupid idiots let me in their crappy club for jerks?
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:Grampa: Ok, I'm an Elk, a Mason, a Communist, the president of The Gay and Lesbian Committee for some reason. Oh, here it is... The Stonecutters.
:Homer: Yes, thank you dad. Lets go!... I'll take this Communist one too!
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:Number One: You have joined the Sacred Order of the Stonecutters who since ancient times have split the rocks of ignorance that obscure the light of knowledge and truth. Now let's all get drunk and play ping pong!
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:Homer: I'm going to follow them tonight and see where they go.
:Marge: Oh, Homer, don't start stalking people again. It's so illegal. Remember when you were stalking Charles Kuralt because you thought he dug up your garden?
:Homer: Well, something did!
:Marge: I don't want you stalking anyone tonight.
:Homer: Oh, okay, have it your own way, Marge. I'll be back in a minute. I'm... going outside to... stalk... Lenny and Carl. (pause) D'oh!
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:Homer: You better run, egg!
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:Marge: Homer, a man who calls himself "you-know-who" just invited you to a secret "wink-wink" at the "you-know-what".
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:Homer: I always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is. And it's me.
:Marge: You're not a god, Homer.
:Lisa: Remember Dad, all glory is fleeting.
:Homer: So?
:Lisa: Beware the Ides of March.
:Homer: No.
:Lisa: Dad I know you think you're happy now, but it's not gonna last forever!
:Homer: Everything lasts forever.
:Lisa: Don't you see, getting what you want all the time will ultimately leave you unfulfilled and joyless.
:Homer: Remove the girl!
:Lisa: Dad you're not with your Stonecutters now. There are no lackies to carry out your every-
:(Bart appears, puts his hand over her mouth, salutes Homer, and then drags her away)
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:Number One: Now, let's all get drunk & play ping-pong!
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:Homer: I could help others... I'll get a bunch of monkeys, dress them up, and make them re-enact the Civil War!
:Lisa: Dad, that doesn't help people.
:Homer: Couldn't hurt. Unless the monkeys started hurting people... which they almost certainly would.
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:Bart: Dad, you remember those self-hypnosis courses we took to help us ignore Grandpa?
:Homer: Do I ever! It's five years later, and I still think I'm a chicken! (to Marge) I'm a chicken, Marge!
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:Marge: Kids can be so cruel.
:Bart: We can? Thanks, Mom!
:(Bart runs into Lisa's room and smacks her)
:Lisa: Oww! Cut it out, Bart!
:(Bart laughs)
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:(Homer sees Lenny and Carl parking their cars that are in an open area.)
:Homer: Hey, how come you guys got such great parking places?
:Lenny: It's a secret.
:Carl: Shut up!
:(Homer accidentally breaks his chair)
:Homer: Hey will you guys fix my... (He sees Lenny and Carl have massage chairs) Hey, how come you guys got better chairs than me?
:Lenny: It's a secret.
:Carl: Shut up!
:(Lenny and Carl use Stonecutter rings to get themselves a beer and Homer uses quarters for a beer.)
:Homer: Hey you guys want to go bowling tonight?
:Lenny: Ahh, we're busy.
:Carl: Yeah we got uh, things to do. 
:Homer: (suspicious) Like, what?
:Lenny: Ehh, it's a secret. 
:(Homer sees Carl drinking his beer and then turns back to Lenny)
:Homer: Shut up!
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: Lisa: I still don't believe that all of the founding fathers were Stonecutters.
: Homer: That's because you trust your stupid school books. Here what really happen at the signing of the declaration of independence.
es:Homer the Great/Frases