Equals Joe

"Equals Joe" is the third episode of SBFW: Finding Bigfoot. Written by JustInCaseTheDingusRunsAway and (who also guest stars as himself), the episode was first aired on 15th January 2022, on Current.
===Synopsis===
Joe releases a statement that he's going to be fighting Bigfoot, which gets picked up by online news publications.
===Transcript===
[The episode starts with making an Equals Three video.]
Ray William Johnson: What’s happenin’, forum? So I saw this funny-ass video that got two million hits on YouTube. Check it out.
[Ray plays a video of Joe in his garage from last episode.]
Joe: Hey [annoying bleep sound], I’m Joe. Second name Joe, first name Mama. 
[Cut back to Ray.]
Ray: So this idiot thinks he can find Bigfoot and beat his ass! 
[Text shows up to Ray’s side that reads, “I Am Infertile”.]
Ray: The funniest part of this isn’t the fact that this kid thinks he can beat the [annoying bleep sound] out of Bigfoot, but actually when his drunken dad drops in through the window. Watch this.
[He plays more of Joe’s video.]
Joe: I hope you guys are ready to see some action when I tear Bigfoot a new furry [annoying bleep sound]. 
[Joe’s dad crashes through the roof, falling onto the floor with a burp and covered in splinters. Cut back to Ray, who is talking with text next to him reading, “My Wife Says Me And Her Have Irreconcilable Differences”.]
Ray: And I’m telling you, this guy is a badass! He doesn’t care about cancel culture one bit.
[He plays more of Joe’s video.]
Joe’s Dad: Hey, son! Your mom kicked me outta bed because I made “unwanted sexual advances towards her” - it’s crazy what they’re calling slapping your girl’s ass nowadays.
[Cut back to Ray.]
Ray: What a playaaa!
[Text appears to Ray’s side that reads “I Had To Go To Court For Divorce Proceedings Last Thursday And They Don’t Want Me To Have The Kids Because Of My Assault Charges”, before the video suddenly cuts to black and we zoom out to Joe watching the video on his laptop in the abandoned garage.]
Joe: God damn it! When is anyone gonna take my dreams seriously? This all reminds me of when I was a little boy and I wanted to be an astronaut.
[Flashback to Joe as a little boy playing with Toy Story action figures with his dad.]
Joe: Zoom! [laughing] When I grow up, Daddy, I wanna be a spaceman just like Buzz Lightyear!
Joe’s Dad: Aw, I hope you end up on the Moon one day, too, little guy. You gotta remember, Joe: no matter what you want to be, it’s what YOU want to be, and no-one can tell you otherwise. People will wanna poke you down, point at you and laugh, but you can go to infinity and beyond and leave their sorry asses in the dust. You promise me you won’t ever back down from your dreams, Joey?
Joe: Never!
[Joe’s Dad reaches his hand out to his young son.]
Joe’s Dad: Put ‘er there, son.
[They share a handshake and laugh, before it flashes forward to Joe’s Dad knocking on the door to the abandoned garage.]
Joe: Come in.
[Joe’s Dad opens the door slightly]
Joe’s Dad: Hey, son, there’s someone over here who wants to meet you. He says he’s a journalist interested in your whole Bigfoot project.
Joe: [thinking to himself] Maybe this is a reporter from the New York Times who can help fund my Bigfoot campaign. Or even better, Alex Jones from Infowars! [speaking out loud] Alright, well, tell them to introduce themselves.
[Joe’s Dad opens the door fully, revealing the journalist to be no other than Ray William Johnson.]
Ray William Johnson: What’s happenin’, forum?
Joe: You’ll never catch me alive!
[He jumps out the window and the episode ends.]
Category:0fflinejoe
Category:SBFW: Finding Bigfoot
Category:2022
Category:2022 Episodes
Category:2022 Transcripts
Category:Joke Pages
Category:JustInCaseTheDingusRunsAway
Category:Episodes written by JustInCaseTheDingusRunsAway
Category:Episodes written by Ray William Johnson
Category:2020s