The Race for the Million

The Race for the Million is CartoonGuy's Spin-Off Kings' Spin-Off Because Yes' sixth episode. It aired on January 12 2021, was written by CartoonGuy277 and SBCA, and its theme was racing.
== Transcript ==
THE RACE FOR THE MILLION
Written by CartoonGuy277 and SBCA
[The episode starts with an elegant fish walking towards Old Man Jenkins’ farm]
Elegant fish: Umh, Old Man Jenkins?! Old Man Jenkins?! Sir, I have something to tell you!
[A green fin appears from the ground]
Elegant fish: AAAAARG!
[Old Man Jenkins’ head appears from the ground next to the fin]
Old Man Jenkins: TRESPASSER! [he completely comes out from underground] Heh, I’m gettin’ creative with the hiding!
Elegant fish: Uh, sir, I must tell you, I am not here to trespass. You see, I am a TV executive, and we’re supposed to air a live race in this fine city! However, the race needs to have eight racers, but only seven have signed up for now. So, I was wondering, would you like to sign up for the big race? A crazy old man like you would be perfect for ratings!
Old Man Jenkins: CRAZY OLD MAN?! RESPECT YOUR ELDERS! [hits the elegant fish with his cane] I know just what you’re trying to do! You think I’m too old and stupid to figure out you are trying to exploit me for your own self gain, and that I would gain NOTHING by taking part in this damned race!
Elegant fish: *chuckles* Well, I guess you would gain nothing…….if you’re a loser, that is.
Old Man Jenkins: HUH?! I’M NOT A LOSER! WHY, WHEN I WAS JUST A YOUNG COUPLE CENTURIES OLD LAD I ATTACKED THE ROMAN EMPIRE AFTER SOMEONE CALLED ME A LOSER!
Elegant fish: Well then, I guess you will have no trouble at all winning the race and its prize money of…...ONE. MILLION. DOLLARS.
Old Man Jenkins: ONE MILLION DOLLARS?! I COULD MAKE A CANE MACHINE WITH THAT MONEY! A…...CANE…...MA…….[he falls on the floor with his eyes closed]
Elegant fish: DEAR NEPTUNE, HE’S DEAD! Better put it where I put all the people I ki-
Old Man Jenkins: [opens his eyes and gets up] I’LL BE RACING TOMORROW!
Elegant fish: GREAT! It’s in the middle of the city, be there by 2 PM and bring a vehicle! [exits the farm] I’ve still got it. 
[Cut to Perch Perkins and Doug Collins in a lift balloon in the sky, holding a microphone]
Perch Perkins: Good afternoon, Bikini Bottom! I am here in the sky along with my partner Doug Collins to bring you one of the most anticipated races of the year! It seems like one racer is missing, however. So, while we wait for him to come, let’s introduce every racer here!
[The screen moves to the ground, where there are nine racers preparing to race]
Doug Collins (commentating): First up, the first racer to have signed up for this, Eugene H. Krabs! Riding what he calls the “Patty Wagon”.
Mr. Krabs: I’LL WIN THE PRIZE! Oh and, people, doesn’t this vehicle seem delicious? Well then, go to the Krusty Krab!
Perch Perkins (commentating): Yes. Next up, riding a jellyfish, we have: Hoopla!
Hoopla: HOOPLA! I want the money so I can build a statue of myself.
Perch Perkins (commentating): Then we have Larry the Lobster, riding a motorcycle!
Larry: I’M GONNA WIN!
Perch Perkins: Then we have Patrick Star, riding a rock, and next to him, his cousin, Gary…...riding nothing.
Patrick and Gary: Meow.
Perch Perkins: Then there’s Bubble Bass, riding a…...bubble?
Bubble Bass: I can fly with this. Winning this will be easier than stealing comic books from a baby!
Perch Perkins: And then we’ve got Mary’s mother! Name unknown, but she’s very old and is riding a tank!
Mary’s mother: YOU WILL ALL SUFFER TREMENDOUSLY! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Perch Perkins: And only one racer is missing!
Elegant fish: [going around in circles] Where is he?! The race is about to sta-[gets run over by a tractor driven by Old Man Jenkins]
Old Man Jenkins: HELLO! Y’ALL BEST RESPECT YOUR ELDERS AND LET ME WIN, OR IT’S CANE TIME FOR YOU!
Mr. Krabs: OLD MAN JENKINS?!
Old Man Jenkins: EUGENE?! 
Mr. Krabs: Ha, good luck winning with a tractor!
Old Man Jenkins: Oh, this is the fastest tractor there is! Your Patty Wagon thingy will be annihilated immediately!
Mr. Krabs: We’ll see…
Lou: [appears with a gun] Alright when I shoot, go! Three, two, one…..[shoots in the sky] GO! [a dead jellyfish falls on his head] Oh dear.
Perch Perkins (commentating): AND HERE WE GO!
[Mr. Krabs goes off to an early lead in the Patty Wagon, with Old Man Jenkins shortly behind him.]
Doug Collins (commentating): Krabs and Jenkins are neck-and-neck in the front. No surprises here so far!
Mr. Krabs: Catch me you old hag!
Old Man Jenkins: (throws a blue-colored turtle shell in front of Mr. Krabs’ car) Let’s see how you like that, Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: Dear Neptune, what the–
[The Patty Wagon lags behind after being hit with the blue turtle shell, leaving Jenkins with space and then some]
Perch Perkins (commentating): Larry might be a close third, though! Once he picks up his pace with his motorcycle, he’ll be smooth riding from here on out!
[Gary, to nobody’s surprise is behind. But Mary’s mother, with her slow tank, is not far from him]
Doug Collins (commentating): Holy shit, Mr. Old Man Jenkins may be in the lead, but Mary’s mother is literally killing the competition!
Perch Perkins (commentating): You’re right there Doug! Mary’s mother’s tank is bulldozing, not past, but through the competition!
Doug Collins (commentating): But how? Wasn’t she at the back of the pack with Gary earlier?
Mary’s mother: (driving by with rocket boosters) EAT MY BUBBLES, BITCHES!
[Patrick and his vehicle’s flattened to the core, Gary’s left without a shell, Bubble Bass’s bubble is popped, and Hoopla is nowhere to be found.]
Perch Perkins (commentating): Only four drivers left, from our advantage point here!
Doug Collins (commentating): Mary’s mother looks like she’s all smooth sailing from here on out… but wait! OH NO!
Perch Perkins (commentating): Mary’s mother’s rocket boosters are shot down by…. HOOPLA! Who somehow has a pellet gun!
Hoopla: HOOPLA! [his jellyfish flies ahead of Mary’s mother] 
Doug Collins (commentating): HOOPLA FLIES AHEAD, LEAVING MARY’S MOTHER DEAD LAST!
Perch Perkins (commentating): Is shooting at other vehicles allowed?
Doug Collins (commentating): If Old Man Jenkins can throw blue shells, I don’t see why not!
Mary’s mother: YOU LITTLE PEST! [she shoots at Hoopla’s jellyfish with her tank, making it fall dead on the floor, with Hoopla still on top of it]
Perch Perkins (commentating): HOLY FISHPASTE! That makes two dead jellyfish we’ve shown on TV today!
Hoopla: NOOOOOOO! [he gets ran over by Mary’s mother’s tank, which is going slowly]
Doug Collins (commentating): Old Man Jenkins is still in the lead, but Mr. Krabs is getting closer and closer! But what’s this? Larry passed them both!
Perch Perkins (commentating): Well you know what they say, where two are fighting, a third one wins!
Larry: HAHA! After this race, I’ll be living like a mil-Larry-ionare! [he gets a cane thrown at his face by Old Man Jenkins, making him lose balance and fall out of the moving motorcycle, which crashes into a wall] NO!
Doug Collins (commentating): AND THANKS TO HIS HORRIBLE PUN, LARRY IS OUT!
Perch Perkins (commentating): Only three drivers left, Old Man Jenkins is ahead, but Mr. Krabs is still inching closer and closer, while Mary’s mother looks hopeless…
[Mary’s mother realizes her inevitable defeat and rams towards the judges booth]
Judges (in unison): Holy–
Mary’s mother: If I can’t win, I’m getting the prize money!
[As Mary’s mother approaches the booth, Hoopla rises from the ashes and pulls out a big red button]
Hoopla: (pushes button) HOOPLA!
[Mary’s mother’s tank blows up into smithereens]
Perch Perkins (commentating): What a way to go out with a–
Doug Collins (commentating): This isn’t basketball but, BANG!
Perch Perkins (commentating): That leaves the two favorites…
[Crowd throws tomatoes]
Perch Perkins (commentating): ...not so favorites.
Doug Collins (commentating): Well, it’s close and it’s getting even closer!
Perch Perkins (commentating): And we’re entering the final  turn, race fans, hold onto your seats!
Old Man Jenkins: Checkered flag, here I come!
Mr. Krabs: (with dollar signs in his eyes) MONEY MONEY, HERE I COME!
Doug Collins (commentating): In typical game-winning, cut-throat, neck-and-neck, 
Perch Perkins (commentating): ...down-the-wire, final-lap, hole-in-one, buzzer-beating, over-time-averting…
Doug Collins (commentating): ....cock-and-ball-torture...
Both (in unison): iiit’sss…. iiit’sss….
[Mr. Krabs is close to the finish line, but Old Man Jenkins puts through one last push towards the checkered flag. It’s almost too close to call, but in the end…]
Both (in unison): JENKINS WINS!!
Old Man Jenkins: HAHAHHAHAHA! I WON! I WON I WON I WON!
Mr. Krabs: NOOOOOOO! I DESERVED TO WIN THIS! I HAD DETERMINATION! I WAS THE FIRST ONE TO SIGN UP FOR THIS!
Old Man Jenkins: And you were THE SECOND ONE TO GET TO THE FINISH! HAHA-[he gets punched in the face by Mr. Krabs]
Mr. Krabs: YOU’VE BEEN A NUISANCE TO ME FOR FAR TOO LONG! GOODBYE, OLD MAN JE-[he gets a cane put in his mouth by Old Man Jenkins]
Old Man Jenkins: Shut your mouth!
[Cut to the race’s audience]
Harold: If Krabs is such a loser, then I’m not going to buy his Krabby Patties anymore!
Tom: Yeah, me neither!
[The rest of the audience nods in agreement]
Mr. Krabs: [spits out the cane] WAIT! PLEASE, KEEP BUYING! I’LL DO ANYTHING!
[The audience looks at each other]
All of the audience: SHAKE HANDS WITH OLD MAN JENKINS!
Mr. Krabs: WHAT?! I’M NOT GOING TO-I mean, of course! Heh, heh……[he shakes Old Man Jenkins’ fin, but Old Man Jenkins shakes his claw so hard he gets it off Mr. Krabs’ body] AAAAARGH!
Old Man Jenkins: Oops! [he puts a cane in place of Mr. Krabs’ claw] There!
Mr. Krabs: Well, at least this can’t get any worse for me.
Elegant fish: And here’s the million dollar prize money--- sponsored by… the Krusty Krab!
[We are all surprised to see… SQUIDWARD! as he hands over the giant check to Elegant fish, with a smile.]
Mr. Krabs: WHAT IN NEPTUNE’S NAME?!
Squidward: Come here, SpongeBob! The check’s too heavy for me to give!
SpongeBob: Aye-aye, Squidward!
Mr. Krabs: WHAT ARE YOU TWO BLASTED BUFFOONS DOING??
SpongeBob: It’s okay Mr. Krabs, I didn’t ACTUALLY get the money out of the corporate account!
Mr. Krabs: (sighs) Now, that’s a relie–
Squidward: We got it out of….
Both SpongeBob and Squidward: YOUR PERSONAL ACCOUNT!
Mr. Krabs: yOU WHAT–
SpongeBob: Yeah! The Krusty Krab’s corporate account only had 2 cents.
Mr. Krabs: (explodes)
Both commentators (in unison): ...and that’s all folks!
[End]
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