Jack-Jack Attack/Transcript

Kari: [pitch black] Wow, it’s dark in here
[Dicker turns the light on]
Kari: Ooh, and now it’s too bright.
Dicker: File 82-7-0-2. Agent Rick Dicker interrogating. State your name, please.
Kari: Kari. Kari McKeen. It’s like Carrie, only with a K instead of a C, and an "ah" instead of an "a", and only one R, and an I instead of an I-E.
Dicker: Tell me about the incident.
Kari: Well, it started out like any normal sitting gig, you know, with the reassuring of the parent and all.
[Cut to the Parr household, where Kari is talking on the phone with Helen between the events of the film].
Kari: Mrs. Parr, I can totally handle anything this baby can dish out. [turns to Jack-Jack] Can’t I, little boo boo kid? Who can handle it? Who can handle it? [the airplane’s alarm is heard on the other end of the line, and the call disconnects] Mrs. Parr? Mrs. Parr? Oh, well, she knows you’re in good hands. [hangs up] Now, who’s ready for some neurological stimulation?
[Later, Kari puts some flashcards and toys for Jack Jack to play with. then she turns on the music as Mozart's Turkish March playing]
Kari: It’s time for cognitive develop... [When she turned, Jack-Jack wasn't there. She looked and saw Jack Jack in the dining room, squealing.] Who’s the goo-goo baby? Where’s the hiding…
[She grabs the vase but Jack Jack was in the kitchen drinking his bottle.]
Kari: That was really weird. Wait right here. [she dials the phone to call Helen. Unknown to her, Jack Jack started floating.] Hello, Mrs. Parr, this is Kari. I have a question about Jack-Jack. Can you call me? [When she turned, she noticed Jack Jack was missing again.] Jack-Jack? Baby? Where are you?
[On the ceiling. Jack-Jack opens the top of the battle.]
Kari: Where? [the milk splats Kari’s face and she screams.]
[Later, Kari called Helen again while Jack Jack tried to get out of his crib because she placed a couch on top of it.]
Kari: Mrs. Parr, it’s me. Jack-Jack is fine, but weird things are happening, and you need to tell me what to do, ‘cause I’m…
[She screams when she sees the broken crib, She looks over and sees the baby on the shelves.]
Kari: How’d you get…?
[Jack-Jack falls down, Kari tries to catch him but Jack Jack goes through the floor, only for Kari to catch his diaper. She ran downstairs running downstairs, and she managed to catch Jack Jack.]
Kari: We’re gonna calm things down a bit now, and look at flash cards. Won’t that be fun?
[Kari takes a flash card out of Jack Jack's mouth, then holds the card up]
Kari: Triangle.
[Jack-Jack stares at her and makes a triangle with his hands and coos]
Kari: Good. House.
[Jack-Jack makes another triangle with his hands and coos again]
Kari: Good. Campfire.
[Jack-Jack looks at the card and bursts into flames. Kari screams and scrambled backwards.]
Kari: Don’t panic. Baby on fire, baby on fire.
[Jack-Jack continues running on the floor by table with circle, triangle, and square, then running under the table with fire around. Kari quickly grabbed a pair of tongs and picked Jack Jack up. She quickly went to the bathroom and cooled him down in a bathtub full of water.]
Kari: Good baby! Nice baby.
[The next day, Kari was so tired of taking care of Jack Jack. Whenever he burst into flame, she used a fire extinguisher to cool him down, and whenever he shot lasers in his eyes. She used a mirror. A doorbell rang. She answered it.]
Kari: [exhausted] Yes?
Syndrome: Is this the Parr’s residence?
Kari: [maniacally] Yes, I’m Kari, the babysitter.
Syndrome: Well, hello, uh, Kari. I’m, uh…
Kari: You’re my replacement. Thank heaven you’ve come! What does the "S" stand for?
Syndrome: For… sitter. Yeah, sitter. Originally, I was gonna have initials for babysitter, but then I would have been going around wearing a big "BS", and you understand why I couldn’t go with that.
[last lines]
Dicker: [after Kari describes how she gave Jack-Jack to Syndrome, the "Sitter"] And you believed him?
Kari: The baby was exploding! You ever sit an exploding baby before, Mr. Dicker?!
[He gets up and pulls down an odd contraption]
Kari: What’s that?
Dicker: Have you told anyone else about this? Your parents? [aims the device’s laser at Kari’s forehead]
Kari: Yeah, they thought I was being funny. But you believe me, don’t you, Mr. Dicker?
Dicker: Sure, kid.
Kari: I just wish I could forget the whole thing.
Dicker: You will, kid. [fires a corded plunger-like attachment which sticks to her forehead] You will.
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