The Strangler Returns/transcript

This article is a transcript of the episode "The Strangler Returns" from season 105, which aired on January 18, 2165.
Outside of the Bikini Bottom Jail. Cut to inside.
The camera focuses on the Tattletale Strangler's jail, where he is sitting cross-legged behind the bars. A loud chomping noise is heard, startling him.
STRANGLER: AAH! Who was that?
He turns around, to see Patrick chomping on ice cream with a fat belly, burping very loudly.
PATRICK: Oh, sorry! Can't blame me after being stuck in here for years. I needed some ice cream, so I grabbed some from the toilet!
The Strangler sighs and turns back round.
STRANGLER: Really wish I was freed right now.
The Strangler's jail door opens, surprising him. He dashes out in a pile of smoke, but a loud bang is heard. Patrick follows, slowly waddling his way out.
Cut to the Strangler smashed against a wall, next to the jail entrance. A police officer comes by.
OFFICER: Woah, slow down there, bud. We're gonna need to have you sign some documents so you can be freed.
STRANGLER: With pleasure!
The officer grabs a skyscraper-high pile of paper and throws it to the Strangler, scattering everywhere.
STRANGLER: Whatever, I'll do anything to get out of here.
Time card: 3 days of document signing later...
STRANGLER: *writing on paper* Signed, Joe "Tattletale" Strangler! Can I go now?
OFFICER: Y-yeah, sure-
The officer looks up and notices that the spot where the Strangler was is gone.
OFFICER: I should really lock those doors next time.
Bubble transition. Cut to SpongeBob's pineapple house, where the Strangler suddenly appears and begins knocking frantically on the door.
STRANGLER: QUICK! OPEN UP! IS ANYONE THERE? I NEED TO STRANGLE; uh, I mean, mmm... PROTECT DEAR SPONGEBOB FROM THE STRANGLER! I'M AN ACTUAL BODYGUARD!
The door opens, with SpongeBob standing at the door.
SPONGEBOB: Oh, hey there, Mr. Bodyguard! Freed from jail, eh?
STRANGLER: Yes! Wait, I mean- no! I never went to jail, did I? I'm your bodyguard, remember? I need to protect you from the Strangler!
SPONGEBOB: Hmmm... oh, yes. Thanks for reminding me that you're not... 
SpongeBob unzips his body, and it reveals to be a police officer in disguise.
OFFICER: ...a real bodyguard, and that I'm not the real SpongeBob!
The Strangler sees this and freezes, feet locked to the ground.
OFFICER: Alright, let's see what I can do to you. Freed, eh?
STRANGLER: Um, uh, yes. Freed! *laughs maniacally* NOW I CAN FINALLY STRANGLE THOSE TATTLETAILS AGAIN! *suddenly stops laughing* Oh, wait, I shouldn't have said that. Will... will I get arrested for that?
OFFICER: Not really. Instead, I'm putting you on probation.
STRANGLER: Pro-what-tion?
OFFICER: That means, you're arrested, but not in jail. As in, you're free, but us police are putting you as a high suspicion citizen, so we'll make sure you don't strangle anyone. Understood?
The Strangler nods his head.
STRANGLER: Can I go now?
OFFICER: Yeah... sure. But if you put even your pinky finger on someone's neck...
The police officer shows handcuffs to the Strangler, threatening him.
STRANGLER: Okay, I get it.
The Strangler walks away, passing by Patrick's rock. Patrick comes out of his rock and notices the Strangler.
STRANGLER: Done signing those documents already, Patrick?
PATRICK: Wh... what documents?
The Strangler rolls his eyes and sighs again.
PATRICK: And you got a talk from that officer, no?
STRANGLER: Hm, yes. Now I can't strangle anyone when they notice my minor law violations! No fun for someone like me...
PATRICK: Hey, don't worry. Remember; when in doubt, pinky out! *puts his pinky out*
STRANGLER: *to himself* ...doubt, pinky out...stupid and might land me in trouble. As if I care.
The Strangler walks away, leaving Patrick disappointed.
PATRICK: Aw. He doesn't like me and my advice, it seems.
An officer notices Patrick on his rock, grabs him, stuffs him into his police car and drives away.
OFFICER: *to himself* Dang devious document ditching dunderdunces...
Bubble transition. The Strangler is taking a walk in the Bikini Bottom Zoo. He is at the sea bear exhibit, when one of the sea bears throws a rock at him. This infuriates the Strangler.
STRANGLER: Who threw that rock?
The Strangler notices one of the sea bears giggling.
STRANGLER: Oh, so it was YOU, you devilish mammal! Come here, you!
The Strangler extends his arms into the exhibit, putting his arms around the guilty sea bear's neck. Just as he starts to use force, he feels something spank his butt.
STRANGLER: YOUCH! Who's responsible for my spanking?!?
He turns around, but this time there's nothing. He is about to explode with anger, when he remembers what Patrick says.
STRANGLER: Joe, keep cool... when in doubt, *puts pinky out* pinky out!
The Strangler, unfortunately, cannot take it anymore.
STRANGLER: PINKY OUT TO STRANGLE THE SEA BEARS! I know one of you animals, literally, was responsible for my spanking! Prepare for a good asphyxiation!
The Strangler uses both of his pinkies to strangle two sea bears. Just as he does so, he feels something lock around his butt.
STRANGLER: Another one?!? Look, I've had enough, you stinking-
VOICE FROM SIDE: And who are you calling stinking, Tattletale?
The Strangler turns around to see that there is a police officer, the one responsible for... *camera cuts to the Strangler's butt* putting handcuffs around his butt.
STRANGLER: Um, uhh... no one, sir! I was just feeding those sea bears, being the nice and reformed person I am. *pats sea bears* Oh, who's a good boy? That's right!
OFFICER: Hm... then explain THIS, what you were doing just now!
The officer uses his phone to show the Strangler captured CCTV footage.
OFFICER: What do you have to say, now?
The Strangler hesitates for a second.
STRANGLER: Um, uh... it was... yknow...
The Strangler stutters for a little while, before finally confessing.
STRANGLER: Alright, fine, it was me! But can I not get arrested? Please? I couldn't control myself...
OFFICER: Okay, okay, you're spared. But don't do it again, understand?
STRANGLER: Understood!
The police officer walks away.
STRANGLER: Oh, but just wait til I see that annoying sponge... *laughs maniacally* HAHAHAHAHAHAH! *stops laughing and faces audience* Whoops, you guys didn't hear anything.
Bubble transition. The Strangler is taking a walk in the park when a ball of paper is thrown at him.
STRANGLER: Ow! *grabs paper* Who threw this at me?!?
Nobody talks except Patrick, who is whistling.
PATRICK: Oh, sorry, you said something?
STRANGLER: Grrr, whatever.
The Strangler throws the paper behind him into a rubbish bin, but he misses and it falls onto the ground.
FISH: Hey! Litterbug!
The Strangler remains quiet.
STRANGLER: *to himself* Keep cool. That's not the first time you were called that. Remain calm, don't get angry. Pinky out! *points pinky*
Unfortunately, the Strangler can't keep his cool and runs toward the fish who called him a litterbug. The scene goes into slow motion as the Strangler extends his arms out, ready to strangle the fish.
*back to real-time* OFFICER: Joe! What did I say?
The Strangler suddenly freezes in his position, leaving the fish shivering in fear, unbeknownst to what is happening.
STRANGLER: Oh, uh, it's nothing, sir! I was just, uh, doing the Heimlich maneuver on this fish. He's choking on a piece of paper. See?
The Strangler goes behind the fish and poorly does the Heimlich maneuver on him. Suddenly, another officer comes out of the fish's mouth.
OFFICER (from fish's mouth): Likely story. Tell that to the judge!
The camera pans out, and the Strangler is revealed to have disappeared, only leaving his shadow behind.
OFFICERS: Welp, that's not the first time he's escaped, of course.
Bubble transition. The Strangler enters a psychiatrist's office. Suddenly, the psychiatrist jumps in fear.
PSYCHIATRIST: Shaking shells! Don't tell me that's you... the Tattletale Strangler!
STRANGLER: Do I look like an impostor to you? Huh? I'll have you know that these are the exact same hands I used to kill who-knows-how-many people!
PSYCHIATRIST: Th-then... what are you here for...? Please don't tell me you're gonna strangle me!
STRANGLER: Heh, of course not. I just want to turn over a new leaf!
The Strangler grabs a leaf from a tree in the park and literally turns it.
STRANGLER: See? I turned it over!
The psychiatrist is unamused.
PSYCHIATRIST: Whatever. Let's get you reformed, now, shall we? *hops onto his chair* I don't need to ask you your problem; it's blatantly obvious. Curing you will be difficult, though, but I do have a plan...
TIME CARD: A few hours later...
The Strangler walks out of the officer with a smile on his face.
PSYCHIATRIST: Be warned, this may have some side effects!
STRANGLER: *with SpongeBob's voice* Oh, don't worry, I'll-
The Strangler notices that he has SpongeBob's voice.
STRANGLER: Wait, what? What's happened to me? Why do I have that moron's voice? And my mouth feels weird.
The Strangler grabs a mirror and looks at his reflection. He sees his smile.
STRANGLER: Oh hey, this isn't so bad! I like that smile. Haven't had one in ages. And I do feel... reformed.
SpongeBob walks out of the psychiatrist's office as well.
STRANGLER: Hello, SpongeBob! You have my original voice and my mindset, don't you?
SpongeBob and the Strangler stare at each other somewhat nervously for a few seconds before SpongeBob speaks.
SPONGEBOB: What do you mean?
STRANGLER: SpongeBob?!? But if your brain replaced my brain, then how do you still have YOUR brain? And where's MY original brain?
SPONGEBOB: No wonder! I was actually the psychiatrist, and I used one of Sandy's newest inventions to clone my brain. As for your brain, though... I gave it to a science lab to do research on why it's so messed up. Don't expect it to be back in your head anytime soon.
STRANGLER: Oh, no worries, SquarePants! After all, I'm a nicer person now, aren't I?
SPONGEBOB: *chuckles* Oh yes, yes you are. Have a nice day!
STRANGLER: You too!
Bubble transition. The Strangler is reading a newspaper on a bench when a police officer walks by.
STRANGLER: Good day, ma'am! *tips his hat*
The police officer is surprised.
OFFICER: Hey, you're not the real Strangler, are you? And what's with your voice?
STRANGLER: I am! What makes you say that?
OFFICER: The real Strangler isn't that nice. And explain that mustache, too. The Strangler doesn't have one.
The Strangler looks at his 5-cent mustache and tears it off.
OFFICER: Dear Neptune, it IS the Strangler! But, what's with your personality and voice?
STRANGLER: Oh, it's a long story. Let me explain. So bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla... and I won't strangle anyone. The end!
OFFICER: Hopefully you're not telling me a lie. You better not strangle anyone ever again! And your voice is obnoxious too.
STRANGLER: Very well, ma'am! *goes back to reading newspaper*
Bubble transition. The Strangler is knocking at SpongeBob's door. The door opens.
SPONGEBOB: Oh, hello, Strangler! What brings you here?
STRANGLER: Hi! You did say you have another friend, right? A starfish or something...
SPONGEBOB: Oh, yes! That's Patrick Star. I'd like you to go meet him!
SpongeBob and the Strangler knock on Patrick's rock. Patrick walks out, but when he sees the Strangler, he disappears in a cloud of smoke. SpongeBob uses his ultra-extendable arms to grab Patrick.
SPONGEBOB: Hey, don't be scared! The Strangler is a good guy now!
Patrick suddenly reappears in his original position and the smoke disappears.
PATRICK: A good guy, eh? Let's see you save the world! Come on, let's go, Big Fish Man!
SPONGEBOB: Not THAT kind of way, Patrick! This is the Tattletale Strangler, and he won't strangle anyone anymore. Say hi to him!
STRANGLER: Hello, Patrick!
Patrick licks him. The Strangler is somewhat disgusted by this.
PATRICK: *thinking* Hmmm... tastes legitimate. I trust him. Greetings, Cuddler!
Patrick hugs the Strangler.
STRANGLER: Oh, haha, that's very nice of you, Patrick.
The camera pans inside the Strangler's skull. A tiny part of the Strangler's original brain is still inside. It comes alive and starts chewing on SpongeBob's brain, fattening it. The Strangler suddenly becomes infuriated at Patrick.
STRANGLER: *shouting in original voice* Alright, that's enough!
The Strangler jumps, leaving Patrick on the ground, and uses his spiky cleats to crush him. This rocks the Strangler's brain inside his skull, causing it to stop eating.
SPONGEBOB: Hey, those are my cleats!
The Strangler goes back to his normal, friendly tone with SpongeBob's voice.
PATRICK: *scared* Take this man away from me, SpongeBob. He's too... spiky!
SPONGEBOB: O... okay.
SpongeBob and the Strangler walk away. Patrick is relieved until an officer notices him, grabs him and stuffs him into his police car.
OFFICER: When is that noodlebrain gonna sign his documents for release?
Bubble transition. SpongeBob and the Strangler enter the Krusty Krab.
SPONGEBOB: Now I'd like you to visit the place where I am most happy in... the Krusty Krab! It's where I work as a fry cook.
STRANGLER: That means you make Krabby Patties, don't you?
SPONGEBOB: Oh-ho, that's right! It feels like I'm talking to myself, actually. A bit weird, but cool!
Mr. Krabs walks out of his office and sees the Strangler. He immediately hides in his shell as he screams.
SPONGEBOB: Mr. Krabs, don't worry! The Strangler won't strangle you or hurt you or anything.
Mr. Krabs pokes an eye out of his shell.
MR. KRABS: Are you sure?
SPONGEBOB: Of course! See, I'll make him litter, and when someone calls him out, he won't get angry anymore.
SpongeBob passes a piece of paper to the Strangler.
SPONGEBOB: *to Strangler* Now throw it on the ground.
The Strangler throws it on the ground, and as expected, a fish calls him out.
FISH: Hey! Don't litter, you infraction perfectionist!
Cut to the inside of the Strangler's head, where the piece of the Strangler's brain continues to chew on SpongeBob's brain. This makes the Strangler angry.
STRANGLER *in original voice*: And what did you just call me, you raunching radical?
FISH: *looking at dictionary* Um, I'm not even sure what I said.
STRANGLER: No matter! Time to get what you deserve...
The Strangler runs over to the fish yet again in slow motion. This time, the Strangler successfully manages to suffocate the fish, killing him. SpongeBob gasps.
*in real time* MR. KRABS: Belching bivalves! *disappears suddenly*
SPONGEBOB: Geez, Strangler, what happened? I thought you were all better now?
STRANGLER *in original voice*: My head feels weird.
SPONGEBOB: One second please.
SpongeBob lifts open the Strangler's cranium and is shocked to discover that SpongeBob's brain has gone, only leaving behind the Strangler's brain.
SPONGEBOB: Oh dear, what happened here?
STRANGLER: Heck if I know, or care. But anyways, since I remember you PERFECTLY...
SpongeBob bites his teeth in fear as the Strangler laughs maniacally.
STRANGLER: IT'S TIME TO SATISFY MYSELF! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!
This time, SpongeBob is no longer laughing with the Strangler. The Strangler begins to extend his arms again when handcuffs are put on his butt.
STRANGLER: Ow! Well, who did that? I'm gonna choke, and asphyxiate, and strangle, and... uh... what other words have the same meaning as them?
OFFICER: That question can wait.
The strangled fish comes back to life and checks his dictionary.
FISH: Don't forget smother and stifle and-
The officer knocks his baton on the fish's head, killing him yet again.
OFFICER: Nobody asked for your answer! Anyways, Joe, how many times have we told you not to strangle any more people?
STRANGLER: Uhhh... do you think I care?
The Strangler gets knocked on the head with a baton.
OFFICER: Geez. Let's bring you to the big house, now, shall we?
STRANGLER: Oh, boy. *to SpongeBob* I'm gonna get you when I have the opportunity, you bashing banshee!
SPONGEBOB: Banshee? Didn't someone call me that before? Oh, well. At least Bikini Bottom won't be terrorized anymore! Come on, patrons! Hip, hip...
EVERYONE: Hooray!
Bubble transition. The Strangler is being led to his cell.
OFFICER: And here's your cell. Cell number 23468.
STRANGLER: You sure this is the right cell? Because there's-
OFFICER: No talking back to police officers!
The Strangler gets knocked on the head with a baton again.
OFFICER: *opens cell door* Now, enjoy your life imprisonment with your fellow inmate.
STRANGLER: Enjoy?!?
The camera pans out to reveal Patrick.
PATRICK: Hi. They put me in jail for a few more years because I didn't want to sign my release documents. Rather stupid, no? Now let's go toilet ice cream hunting!
The Strangler screams as the episode ends.