Stone 14

Chapter 14
Back to Richard and Kahlan. Richard wakes up and it's time for the spirit gathering thingy. He and Kahlan muse about why Richard has to be the one to fix the veil, speculating that, since a Rahl tore the veil, a Rahl has to be the one to fix it. Richard says that he's “glad [he's] marrying a smart woman,” which nearly makes me burst out laughing. Yeah, Kahlan's a genius. I'm sure she'll figure out that Confessors don't have to mindrape men to sleep with them any day now...
But Richard has a Plan! He intends to go through the spirit gathering, then get married immediately, use his magic dragon tooth to call Red, and fly to Aydindril where Zedd is. This will avoid the long overland trip with the danger of lethal headaches, and leave the Nuns far behind where they can't pester him. And, much as I hate to admit it, this does sound like a fairly decent plan.
To my surprise, Kahlan doesn't go on Ye Standard Female Diatribe about wanting a big, grandiose wedding; instead, she wants to leave immediately and get married later. What's going on? Why is everyone suddenly acting competent and non-cliché? 
I'm scared.
The ceremony starts. There's a big feast, because there's always a big feast right before the Native Ceremony, and there's never any shortage of food in a subsistence-level village of hunter-gatherers. \~/ Richard has to eat some meat for the ceremony, which he dislikes but does anyway. The meat is human flesh, of course; specifically, the flesh of Slopey, who Richard killed with his magic archery.
Eating some of Slopey gives Richard a vision...yes, really...and he calls for Chandelier and orders him to eat some long pork as well. It develops that the neighboring Bantak tribe (Bantak...now that's a much better name than Mud People) are coming to attack. Chandelier objects that the Bantak are (1) peaceful, and (2) weaker than the Mud People. However, Slopey was apparently the son of the Bantak's spirit guide, and killing him was a grave insult. Somehow, Richard intuits that the Bantak sent Slopey to test the Mud People's intent, figuring that if he got killed, they would know the Mud People were hostile and should be dealt with.
So...the Bantak decided to test the Mud People for hostility by sending the one guy whose death would definitely trigger a war...painted up like an assassin...to try to assassinate some Mud People.
The Bantak are officially Too Stupid To Live. \~/
Ah! But Richard Just Knows \~/ that Slopey wanted a war, and deliberately let himself get killed to trigger one. Anyway, the Bantak are supposed to attack during the Mud People's feast, when their guard is down. Chandelier decides to lead his Boyz east, since the Bantak live to the east, and see if the vision is true. Richard insists that the Bantak will attack from the north. Chandelier makes the logical argument that the Bantak, not being fighters, will not think of such a tactic. He leads his Boyz off to the east, and Kahlan calls him a fool for making a swift, logical decision based on years of combat experience, instead of believing the White Devil's “I don't know how, but I know.”
Richard decides that he will go stop the Bantak personally, and prepares to head north. Kahlan says she's going with him, and Richard tries to play the Big Macho Man card, but Kahlan's not buying it. Instead, she makes the surprisingly logical argument that Richard doesn't speak the Bantak's language, and will need her to translate if he doesn't intend to massacre them all.
It's like this chapter is only 30% stupid, instead of the usual 80-90% ratio.
Cue three paragraphs of Kahlan wearing the Teflon wedding dress. Ah, my old friend the Teflon wedding dress. Truly, it is this series's Nut o' Fun. We also learn that the spirit gathering is tomorrow; apparently the Long Pork Feast is held a day in advance. 
Anyway, the chapter ends.
Drinks: 7
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