Mary Poppins Returns 2: Royal Doulton Music Hall/Transcript

Michael: Look at the credits. Mary Poppins Returns 2: Royal Doulton Music Hall. Annabel: Father, who’s P.L. Travers? Mary Poppins as… who’s Emily Blunt? John: What does B.S.C. stand for? Well, let’s not spoil it with too many questions. Look, a magic… it’s cloudy. Enough children, likely 37 years ago, I was like “Mary Poppins, please don’t go”. Haha, pretty… huh. Everyone, come upstairs. Wow, a spark. Listen to the sparkling sound. Make the music play around. The magic spark is here again. Where did it come from, did you know? Well it’s might as well fun. Georgie, shut up. Oh really? Yes really! Coming up and coming down. Circle right, circle round. Toss the plate, grab then pass. From left to right, do it real fast. (ELLEN SCATTING) Ellen, It’s dangerous! Make it a very must, (SCATTING) One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight. Clean the dishes… really great. CHORUS: Make it a great room for everyone. GIRLS: It’s so nice. BOYS: By the opening time. All Together: Swing and sing the marching song x4. (MAGICAL SOUND) Mary Poppins? How did you come here. Mary Poppins: Shh, Mr. Michael Banks is busy. Oops. (SASSY MUSIC PLAYING) Huh, why am I in a business woman’s clothing? So she won’t know It’s you. And where is Barbara McCallister? She is searching all over London to find our mother. Hello, Mr. Banks. You remind me of someone, ma’am. Someone that helped us save the house back 12 years ago. Sir, this is 1947. I saw the whole thing back then. Also, I’ve come to take care of the Banks Children. Okay… Mary Poppins. Aah, you fooled me you nosy little perv… Really, one never calls a woman names. Look, all I wanted was Kate Banks back. She was the most magical heart to me. Then maybe you should’ve got her note. Well, of with the children now, have fun. (SWING MUSIC PLAYING) If you see a problem that isn’t done. Then maybe you should turn it into something fun. Let’s all have some fun, it’s for everyone, let’s all have some fun today. You had something you need to clean up, you forgot your suitcase and you didn’t by a pup. Well, let’s all have some fun, it’s for everyone, let’s all have some fun today. (SCATTING) John: Well maybe, is it hard? You can do the impossible Annabel: Is it rough? Well you might not find it tough. Georgie: But what if it’s all a big mistake, then it’s not much you can take. (SOUL MUSIC PLAYING) Let’s all have some fun, it’s for everyone. Let’s all have some fun today. Yeah. Now then, let’s go on an adventure. Georgie: Mary Poppins, it is bad. Do you think it might be okay? Well, let’s go to Las Vegas. (PIANO SWING MUSIC PLAYING) Oh, there are lots of places. (JAZZ PARADE) Sooner or later, we have one song. At the highly despicable, utterly predictable. Royal Doulton Music Hall. Bucks and Mares. Cubs and Does. Welcome to the show of shows. Presenting… Miss Piggy. (I’M NOT JUST A LADY) Oh bother, will you say. I’m fetching up today. I’m sad and lonely and… I’m not just a lady, not an idiotic lady. Just a rhythm and rhyme with a lady. Feeling the blues. Say, I’m not just a lady. I told you 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 times that I’m not just a lady. What are you serious. I’m not being an idiot because, I ain’t no just lady person, don’t you think? I told you 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 times that I’m not just a lady. Did you describe what I look like, being my alike. Because, look at me. I’m not a lady. Ugh, so boring, I told 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 times that I’m not just a lady (SCATTING) I told you a million times. I’m not just a lady! Then off we go. Mary Poppins? We’re going to go. When are we going to go Mary Poppins? We are going to go to Lady Holiday’s office. The Lady Holiday? Yes. The First Lady of Jazz? Yes. But, she’s also a songwriter, and a fashion designer of the 1930s and this decade. The 1940s? Yes. Well, the older it gets, the more crowded. You see, she is the queen of Jazz. I thought Ella Fitzgerald was the Queen of Jazz. She’s the 2nd lady of Jazz. Billie is the First. Billie Holiday? Yes, we’re gonna go in the morning. Now get a good night’s sleep. Jack: I cannot believe we’re going over the Daily Chronicles. Mary Poppins didn’t even tell me where Lady Holiday is. Maybe we should worry about this tomorrow. Uhh, can someone turn the lights off. Thank you. Lady Holiday: This is Lady Holiday. Milan speaking? Then put him on. Oh, yes, darling. Yes, I’m fine. I had quite a scare. Thank God I wasn’t hurt. Of course my diamonds were valuable. All my diamonds are valuable. Now, darling, I want you to call the United States and tell Vogue they can’t have the photographs of the spring line until after the show. I’m not too happy with some of the designs. Still have to make many changes. (MURMURING OF APPROVAL) (WOMAN YELPS) Lady Holiday: Well, I’m looking at three of the gowns now and I can see horrendous mistakes. Of course Paris should be notified. Carla, the neckline on that gown is too high, don’t you think? Carla: I rather like the effect. Lady Holiday: Do you like looking like an ostrich? Of course not. And Marla, too many frills and fabillose. I don’t think we should strive for the fantail pigeon look, do you? And you, Darla. That outfit’s the pits. Loose where it should be tight and tight where it should be loose, like the folds on a turkey’s neck. Why would I design such atrocious looking clothes? I must be getting senile. Yes, Lady Holiday? We have to make drastic changes in the line before the show tomorrow. All my girls are looking like magical nannies. Uhh… where is Lady Holiday? Wear this. Why would I wear a scarlet and white jockey uniform? Because, Lady Holiday is very mean and nasty. You should pretend to be mean to her. Okay. “I think you look fat. P-H phat." Strike that pose. Now do it. P-H phat. Eww. Now let’s go. Now clear your throat and say "I think you look P-H phat" and strike that pose. Okay. (MARY POPPINS CLEARS HER THROAT) Good heavens. Who are you? My name is Mary Poppins and I would like to be a high fashion model. I think you look fat. P-H phat now strike that pose. P-H phat. Ew. Doesn’t surprise me. Seems to be the way we’re heading. I’ve always dreamed of being a Holiday model. I’ve brought my je ne sais quoi and my portfolio all the way here to London to see you, the one and only Lady Holiday. May I come in? Absolutely not. May I show you my portfolio? No. Good. Here. You may open it. Ah. This is me reeking grandeur. Being aloof. Being demure. Aha, this is me being dashing. Ah. Daring. Interesting range of emotions. You think so? No! Well, as you can see from this small sampling, modeling is my life. It is my destiny and I shall accept nothing less. I can offer you a job as a receptionist. Aaaaah. I’ll take it x2! Oh, thank you, thank you! Thank you! Oh! Oh! Oh! You won’t be sorry, I promise I can type, I can take shorthand, I can make coffee. I can do it all. Sit! I can sit. I’m very good at sitting. Are you quite under control? Mm, mm, mm, mm! Now, I’ll be lunching with my brother Nicky. He’s second in command here. And he’s an irresponsible parasite. But I had to bring him in the business because he squandered his half of his inheritance and he has categorically no prospects. Not that he’s grateful. He still gambles and incurs bad debts, uses my charge accounts, eats my food, and borrows my cars without asking permission. And certainly not to be trusted. I wouldn’t even put it past him to try to steal my most valuable and largest jewel, “The Fabulous Baseball Diamond”. And I don’t know why his bow ties are always crooked. Still, in all, he is my brother. Why are you telling me all this? It’s plot exposition. It has to go somewhere. Anyway, I want you to answer the telephone while I’m gone and umm… straighten up the office. Consider it all done. Everything’s under control. Not to sweat. Carry on. I’ll be back in an hour. Whee! Oh boy x8! Oh, I am going to be a famous model. Oh, I’m so happy for me. Mary Poppins, you are on your way! Carla: Where does Lady Holiday get off calling me an ostrich? Marla: We’ll get even with Lady Holiday tonight when we steal her necklace. Darla: What are you gonna wear for the robbery? Quiet. Angus: Hi. Hi. Hello. Bob: Hubba-hubba! Jack: Excuse me, where’s Lady Holiday’s office? Carla: Round the corner, to the left. Oh, thank you. Marla: Did you just give directions to a leerie? Marla: I guess I did. Bob: Smile. Carla: Is that a new photographer? Urgh. I think I’m stuck. Angus: Bob? Bob! Bob. B-b-Bob. Bob: Pull. Angus: Bob, are you okay? Oh sure, it was just my nose. Jack: Hey, you guys stay here. I’ll find Lady Holiday. Angus: Yes, sir. Bob: Hey, Angus. Come on, get your nose in here. It’s really fun! Mr. Holiday? Did you order a gross of flowered socks? Mary Poppins: Ah! What an honor. You’re all so wonderful. Thank you for choosing moi as model of the year. Oh! I never dreamed when I first began in this business that I would reach such lofty heights. Thank you! Thank you! Jack: E-Excuse me. So, what do you think about the drapes, hm? Personally, I’d rather see shutters. Yes. And on this wall here, I- (YELPS) (SCREAMING) (SOBBING) Jack: Lady Holiday? Lady Holiday? Gee, are you OK? Mary Poppins: I don’t think I’ll ever be the same. Jack: Pardon. Oh. I mean, I don’t usually fall like that. Jack: I thought it was a very nice fall. It was quite graceful, actually. Oh, thank you, whoever you are. Well, my name’s Jack the Lamplighter, and I’ve come all the way from America to interview you for The Daily Chronicle. Mary Poppins: Me. Why me? Because you’re Lady Holiday. Mary Poppins: Oh. Oh. Yeah, right. Reason enough. (GIGGLING) Um… you want to help me out of this wastebasket? Oh. Oh, yeah. Now just pull. OK. (STRAINING) Harder. OK. (MARY POPPINS HYPERVENTILATES) So… listen. Can I ask you a couple of questions now? No, no. Umm… not here. So busy. So much to do. Well, perhaps we could have dinner tonight? Yes. Fine. Swell. See you then. I’ll pick you up at your house. It must be beautiful. I’m sure it is. Hm? I mean, sure it is! Yeah. So, where do you live? Um… guess! Probable some old Highbrow Street somewhere. Highbrow Street, absolutely right. Highbrow Street. How did you guess? Are you psychic? But now, guess what number. I don’t know. Number 17? Yes, all right. 17 Highbrow Street. Okay. I’ll pick you up at, shall we say… Jack: 8:00? Mary Poppins: 5:30? Jack: 4:15? Mary Poppins: 9:20? Both: 7 o’clock. Okay, that was easy. Yes, easy. Okay, well, I’ll see you later. Mary Poppins: Yes, 8:00. Jack: 7:00. Mary Poppins: Seven, seven. Well, um… goodbye. Mary Poppins: Adios, mon cherie. Bob: Much obliged. Angus: So, Jack, tell me, what about Lady Holiday? I mean, is she pretty? Jack: Oh, yeah. Not at all what I expected. Nice eyes, sturdy legs. And it might have been my imagination, but I think she found me attractive. Oh. Taxi! Angus: Well, of course she found you attractive. It runs in the family. Jack: Taxi! Taxi! I don’t know why the cabs won’t stop? Bob: Just leave it to me. Taxiiii! Beauregard: Ooh. Jack: That’s very effective. Bob: Yeah, it’s great when it works. Beauregard: Did you want me to stop or what? Jack: Thank you very much, sir. Oh, you can call me Beauregard. Where are you guys going? Jack: The Happiness Hotel. Beauregard: Oh, good, that’s where I'm going. How do you get there? Angus: Haven’t you ever been there? Of course. I live there. I just don’t know how to get there. Jack: It’s straight down this street. Okay. (SCREAMING) Okay. Good. Now just keep going straight. Will do. Look out! It takes a while to get to know the town. How long have you lived in London? All my life. Jack: How come you don’t have an English accent? Beauregard: Hey, I’m lucky to have a driver’s license. (ALL SCREAMING) Jack: Hey, it’s just up ahead there on the right. Beauregard: What is? Jack: The Happiness Hotel. Beauregard: Oh, yeah. What’s your room number? Angus: Wha…? I don’t know. We’re on the second floor. Oh, I’m sorry. I can only take you as far as the lobby. (ALL SCREAMING EXCEPT FOR BOB) (BOB CHEERS) (CRASHES) Pops: You can never find a cab when you need one. Who-whee! Let’s ride the taxi again. Jack: Well, thank you very much, Beauregard. You’re welcome. Hey, how do I get out of here? Jack: I suggest you make a U-turn. Beauregard: Right. (REVS ENGINE) Man: He’s headed for the kitchen! Jack: Oh no. (HENS CLUCKING) I think we’re eating a steering wheel for dinner. Well, looks like steering wheel soufflé for dinner. Leerie: Again? Jack: Not me, I’m going out for dinner. Angus! That’s right. Jack’s got a date with Lady- Jack: You don’t have to tell everybody. (ANGUS WHISPERS) Oh, right, Pops, don’t tell anybody that Jack’s got a date with Lady Holiday. Pops: Jack’s got a date with Lady Holiday? Ashley Birchall: Oh, wow. Wait till I tell the guys in the band. Leon Cooke: Tell us what? Marlon Pelayo: Yeah, what’s going down? Chef: Jack and Lady Holiday! Jonathan Bishop: Jack and Lady Holiday? All right. Lamplighters: (CHATTERING EXCEPT FOR JACK, ANGUS, AND BOB) Jack: Angus, this is all very embarrassing. Jack, don’t worry. It won’t go outside this room. Mike Tarkanian: Here is a news flash: Jack the Lamplighter to date with Lady Holiday. Details at 11. Bob: Smile. (JACK HUMMING SWING SONG) Boy, It’s a good thing you didn’t tell everybody where Lady Holiday lives, otherwise they’d all be camped on her doorstep. Angus: That is just for you and me to know, brother. We are going to have a terrific time tonight. Wocka, wocka. Jack: We? What do you mean “we”? Angus: The two of us. You missed a spot. Anyway. When we get there tonight, just act naturally. Jack: No no wait a second. It’s when I get there. This is my date with Lady Holiday. I’m going alone. So it’s me not “we”. Angus: Oh, I see. Fine. Jack: Boy, I wish I had whiskers. Of course then I'd have to use a blade. Angus: Jack? Turn around. Are you really going without me tonight. Jack: Well, Angus, I figure this is something that I have to do alone. Angus: No problem. Jack: Oh good. (SWING MUSIC PLAYING) Just hand me my cuff links. Angus: Yes sir, (SINGING) And straighten my tie. Just drench me in rich cologne and don’t ask me why. Go on and pluck me a boutonnière. You’re moving up and walking on air. Jack: Stepping out with a star and feeling high. John: So, Mary Poppins, are you really going on a date with Jack? He looked like a leerie. You cannot just look up to him and say hello. You didn’t even say goodbye. John, you’re 20 years old. Oh, just grab me a dress. Yes, ma’am. And bring me some gloves. They must be lavender, and polish my shoes. Give me a cloth to hide the rods. Georgie: You two are like peas in a pod. Stepping out with a leerie? And umm… bad times bye bye. Jack: Come polish my shoes, and call for the car. I’ll sweep her right off her feet wherever we are. Bob: A satin collar and velvet vest. Jack: I never settle for second best. Stepping out with a star, sad times bye-bye. (UKULELE PLAYING) Have I got style? Have I got taste? On someone else I swear, this savior-faire would be such a waste. (UKULELE CONTINUES) Come toss me my top hat. Angus: Yes, sir. I’m ready to fly, busting into the upper crust as easy as pie. Just watch my dreams come true, this is something I was born to do. Stepping out with a star, that star is you. (SCATTING) (SHADOW SCAT SINGS) Angus: Have you got class? Jack: Have I got class? Angus: Have you got chic? Jack: Have I got chic? To think that you and me were nobody, why, only last week. Bob: Hey guys. Jack: I’m ready to fly… Angus: Jack! Jack: At least I can try. Just watch my dreams come true, this is something I was born to do. Stepping out with a star, bye bad times. Mary Poppins: Stepping out with a leerie, hey good times. Jack, Angus and Bob: Stepping out with a star, and feeling high! Yeah! Well, how do I look? Angus: Which one are you? Jack: I’m the one on the right. Angus: Well, you… you look like you’re gonna have a terrific time. Without me. Jack: Angus? Angus: What? You can come. You mean it? Jack: Mmm-hmm. Oh boy. Great news, leeries. We can go! (ALL CHEERING EXCEPT FOR JACK) Alright children, we’ll always check in, we’ll go to the back door. (MARY POPPINS GRUNTING) (LOUIS ARMSTRONG MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO) Winifred: Awfully disappointing today. George: Hm? The weather. Awfully disappointing today. It is, is it? Yes. Mm, yes, yes. I know what you mean. It was rather disappointing yesterday. And the day before that too. (WINDOW SMASHES) What is it, George? (MARY POPPINS STRAINING) Um… nanny… um… climbing up the outside of the house, dear. Oh, I see. Next time they want stunts, they get a double. Georgie: Why? (INAUDIBLE) And the day before, and the day before that too. (VOICE FADES OUT) The day before that was awfully disappointing too. Mm. And of course the weekend was perfectly frightful. Never stopped raining. (MARY POPPINS CONTINUES GRUNTING) George? Hmm? Am I boring you? What, dear? I said, am I boring you? Boring me? (STRAINING LAUGHS) That’s a good one. I’m having the time of my life, dear. George, did you say… someone was climbing up on the outside of the house? Yes. Yes. Yes, I believe I did, yes. I thought so. Oh, you’d have to look a long way to find a woman who was more giddy and aristocratic than I am, yes. Oh, dear me, no, no no. Georgie: I thought you said that we’ll check in and go through the back door. You broke grandma’s lamp. The last time I was bored and never by you, my little armada. Georgie: Goodness, he really is our grandfather. Winifred: What was that? Just making a point, dear. I mean, if I was bored. I would go out and buy something. Wouldn’t I? Like cheese or quails’ eggs. Something like that. Yes, I suppose you would. Yes, of course I would, dear. That’s the sort of “spur of the moment” fellow I am. Georgie: Mary Poppins, why are we crawling? Winifred: What? What, dear? What would you buy if you were bored? Ah! Uh… a jar of calf’s foot jelly? I’d like to come with you and help you pick one out. Oh, that isn’t necessary, Winifred. There’s no need for you to leave the house. I wouldn't mind. What! Are you insane! Haven’t been outside for 12 years. Well, the weather’s been most disappointing. Still, there’s no reason for me to stay here all the time. The children are gone, and the pets are dead, the butler’s been discharged, no one ever visits us. We’re all alone. (JACK RINGS THE DOORBELL) That was the doorbell, George. So it was. And the butler’s dead? No, no, no. The pets are dead. The butler’s been discharged. Ah. (DOORBELL RINGS ONCE AGAIN) I think one of us should answer it, George. Oh, do you? Or we could both answer it. (GEORGE LAUGHS) Come dear, I hardly think it’s necessary for both of us to… Mary Poppins: I’ll answer it! (DREAM A LITTLE DREAM OF ME BY ELLA FITZGERALD PLAYING ON RADIO) Mary Poppins: Hello. Uh… This is for you. Oh, thank you. Shall we go? Y’know, I’ve never been inside a real ritzy English house before. Aren’t you hungry? Sure, but we’ve got a few minutes. Okay. Let’s take a few minutes. (SOUL MUSIC PLAYING) Hey, nice place you got there. Yes, I practically stole it. Um, let me show you around. Who was that guy back there? Oh. Just some some sort of servant. This, of course is the drawing room. Did you decorate this place yourself? I’ll just close the door. It’s very drafty. There’s a chair and some walls. A whirlwind tour, huh? Yes. This is the bathroom and uh… bath. We have hot and cold running water. There’s probably a bathtub and everything. Oh, here. I want to show you something. This is the closet. Nice. Dark but nice. (LAUGHING NERVOUSLY) George: Ah. Sorry. Don’t think me rude, but is there, in fact, anything I can do for you at all? Yes. Yes. Yes. You may suggest a nice restaurant. Ah, well there’s the Dubonnet Club. Actually, that’s not so much a restaurant, more of a supper club. Ah. Thank you, Jeeves, no time for cocktails. Evening. Winifred: Why are you staring into the closet, George? Do you recall that “nanny” I mentioned? The one that sings "a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down" and has been climbing up the side of our house? That’s the one, that’s the one. Yes, I seem to recall that. Well, she was just there right now, along with a lamplighter. I see. And what did they want? Name of a good restaurant. I told them the Dubonnet Club. That’s more of a supper club than a restaurant. Yes, well, I tried to tell them that. Don’t blame yourself. No, no. Hey! There they are. Well, you have to jump in the front seat. The back seat’s been quarantined. Let’s hit the road. How about a little traveling music? For sure. A love song. Love song. Love song. Hit it! Sing me the good times cause I need that feeling. Yeah, give me my night life. Rock me that guitar and roll me that boogie. Yeah, give me my night life. Are these your friends? Just the ones on the fenders. Sing me the good times cause I need the feeling. Yeah, give me my night life. Give me my night life. Give me my night life. They don’t have to play this loud. It’s okay, they don’t mind. Give me my night life. Sing me the good times cause I need the feeling. Yeah, give me my night life. Give me my night life. Jane: Are you sure this will work. Give me my night life. What was that? Michael? Michael! Wait! Swing me the good times cause I need the feeling. Yeah, give me my night life. Hey. I’m sorry, but we’re in a middle of a song. Keep playing. What? I’m going on a date with Lady Holiday! The Lady Holiday? Yes. The First Lady of Jazz? Yes. Is Ella Fitzgerald the first? No, she’s the second. Now get out of here before my leeries dance and do karate to you. What, you are not kidding. Where are you going? To the Dubonnet Club. Isn’t that a restaurant? It’s more of a supper club than a restaurant. Who told you that? Your parents. Really, George and Winifred? Yes. Now get out of here. Play that guitar. (PLAYING GUITAR) Wait, my parents are George and Winifred. How did you know that? Well, about a year before your parents moved to 17 Highbrow Street. I heard your father call your mother “his little armada” I never said that! I recognized that voice when I got to 17 Highbrow Street. Now get out of here. Wait a minute, so you're feeling jealous because your mother was not Mary Poppins. She was the same age as she is right now when you two met. Shut up, Michael. Jeez. You got the right to remain silent, Y’know. Yay. What? We’re here. Give me my night life. (BEBOP MUSIC PLAYING) Boy, a classy place like this, you’d think they’d have pretzels on the table. (FORCED LAUGH) Well, what a delightful menu. (GASPING) What? Nothing. It’s just sort of amusing that the roast beef is the same price as an Oldsmobile. You come here often, Lady Holiday? Oh, only on special occasions. And this is very special, Jackie. Waiter! Champagne, Caviar. Hey, hey, Jack. How are we going to pay for this? You got about sixteen hundred bucks on you? Say cheese. There you go, folks. Souvenir photograph. Just give me your adrenal and 10 bucks. (MUSIC CONTINUES) Good evening, Lady Holiday. Such a pleasure to see you. Thank you, Stanley. Why, what a lovely diamond necklace. It is rather breathtaking, isn’t it? I thought of it a little outré, but my brother Nicky insisted that I wear it. Your table, Lady Holiday. Thank you, Stanley. Give Stanley a tip, Nicky. For complimenting you on your necklace? No, because it is customary. I don’t have any change. Then give him something bigger. Bigger? I left my wallet at home. You left your wallet in college. Bob: How about you, folks? Souvenir photograph? No thanks. No picture. Aw, come on. It’ll be a great memento for you and your wife. My wife isn’t feeling very well. That's too bad. Maybe she should be at home. My wife is at home. (BOB BLAB SINGS) Yes. Next table! That caviar was yummy. (KISSING SOUND) Loved those fish eggs! Uh, Lady Holiday? Oh. Yes? Can we talk about the jewel robbery now? Oh, Jack. Let us not talk business. The music is in the air, the night is young. And I’m so beautiful. What jewel robbery? Your jewels, the ones that were stolen. You know, you have lovely eyes. Y’know, if you put enough sugar in this stuff it tastes just like ginger ale. Catch you later, Stanley. Aren’t you happy we’re here? I have grave doubts about wearing these jewels. I feel as if thieves were breathing down my neck. Thieves aren’t breathing down your neck. I want to put them in a safe place. No. Yes. Yes, yes, I meant yes. Why would I say no when I mean yes? Go and see Stanley. Go and see Stanley? Go and see Stanley immediately. All right. If that’s what you want. And don’t forget to tip him. Tip, tip. (MUSIC FADES IN) (MUSIC GETS LOUDER) (MUSIC ENDS) (SLOW MUSIC PLAYING) The first time you see her, no bolt from the blue. Mary Poppins: Just something so quiet, that's waiting for you. With no one to tell you where you've got to go. The first time it happens, you know. The first time you see her, no magical change. No angels appearing, no dreams to arrange. Just warmer and colder than springtime or snow. The first time it happens, you know. And so you fall, and how complete it is, and for each moment that it lasts, how sweet it is. Mary and Jack: The first time together, how simple, how rare. Mary Poppins: And just when you thought you'd forgot how to care. And though you feel much more than you dare to show. The first time it happens, you know. (MARY POPPINS DANCING) Wow. She’s fantastic. The first time you see her, no magical change. No angels appearing, no dreams to arrange. Just warmer and colder than springtime or snow. The first time it happens, you know. What a great number. Nicky? That’s my new receptionist dancing out there. Which one? The nanny. She’s sensational. Forty-five words a minute. About average. Chorus: And just when you thought you'd forgot how to care. For the first time... for the first time... (MARY POPPINS TAP DANCING) A-ha. (MARY POPPINS LAUGHING) The first time it happens, the moment it happens, and suddenly there’s a whole new world. The first time it happens, the first time it happens, the first time it happens… you know! Lady Holiday: AIEEEE! Stanley: Lady Holiday! What happened? Was it you that screamed “AIEEEE!”? She screamed right into my ear! Of course I screamed, somebody's just stolen my necklace. I told you this would happen. That necklace was worth a fortune. Do something! What do you want me to do? I've spilled ketchup all over my cummerbund. For God’s sake! Straighten that tie. It’s Lady Holiday, her necklace has been stolen. “Lady Holiday”? But I thought… Bob: Jack. I think I’ve got a picture of the thief. Oh great. Yeah. Jack: But… (MENACHOLY MUSIC) (CAT SCREECHES) This is great, Bob. You popped the flash just before the soup landed on his tie. Yeah, well, photography’s an art. You've gotta have the right film, you've gotta have the right exposure, and you've gotta scream just before they get the food to their mouth. What’s going on in there? Lot of folks out here want to use the restroom. Well, we're developing these pictures. We’ll be out as soon as we finish. We’re trying to catch a jewel thief. A jewel thief? Well, catch him in another room. People are dancing up and down on one leg out here. Hurry, Bob. There’s got to be a picture of somebody taking Lady Holiday’s necklace. Well, I don’t know, I still think Mary Poppins took it. She wouldn’t steal. Why not? She lied. That’s two different things. Besides, she couldn’t have stolen the necklace because she was dancing. That’s right. There’s that old adage: "You can’t dance and steal at the same time." No, that’s “You can’t walk and chew gum at the same time.” Oh, no. I think it’s “You can’t pat your head and rub your stomach at the same time.” What’s the difference? She didn’t steal the necklace. I bet you I can do it. Do what? Pat my head and rub my stomach at the same time. Big deal, anybody can do that. Would you guys cut it out? We’re wasting time. Bathroom! Look, here it is. Look at that. It’s the guy sitting next to Lady Holiday and those girls standing in the back. It’s probably the same gang that pulled that first job. Wow! Yes, and we've got them with their hands in the cookie jar. What’s going on? Leon: What is this, anyway? Aw. The cookie jar just busted. John: Why did you lie to Jack? Mary Poppins: I used to wish I could be with him. Annabel: Peter gave me those McCallister dolls, Mary Poppins. Mary Poppins: Saludos Amigos? Hello friends? I lied because I wanted to be with him. Georgie: And forgiving you? How can we wish upon stars? Well, there is a little castle, full of magic. A little fairy named Tinker Bell will make you fly away. And Jiminy Cricket floats around you and sings “When you wish upon a star, make no difference who you are. Anything your heart desires will come to you. When your heart is in your dream, no request is to extreme. When you wish upon a star, your dreams come true. Fate is kind, she brings those to love. The sweet fulfillment of their secret longing. Like a bolt out of the blue. Fate steps in and sees you through. When you wish upon a star, your dreams come true.” All right, now, like Jane said, “The Bank is a crowded place, so we must be on our best behavior." Georgie: What, are you insane? Willie Wonka Wilkins is there. Well, let’s go. John: We cannot trust him. Like Jane said, shut up. Hello, Michael. Say, where are the children. I don’t know? Are you prepared for the robbery? But first I must steal Wilkins’ clothes. Hyah! Nicky, please don’t do this to me! Too bad, we are getting prepared for the robbery. Darla, you dress up as Mr. Frye. And Carla, you dress up as Mr. Gooding. Marla: What about me? I’ll fool them. The wolf? Aah. He’s stealing our house? I know what happened twelve years ago. You threatened to steal our house. I’m telling on you! (CHILDREN SCREAMING) Michael: What’s going on? The wolf is stealing our house. What the heck are you even talking about? I’m afraid your children have ran in to my office once again, Banks. What? I’m just seeing what could be done about extending until they ran in to my office complaining “I was trying to steal your house." He is, we heard him. Mr. Wilkins is just trying to help us. But why was he chasing us? Because I think that they will stop throwing a temper tantrum if I brought them sweets. I’m sorry about this. This won’t happen again, will it? I will collect every chance for you to pay off the loan before the clock strikes midnight. But Daddy, he really- Not another word! Take them straight home. Yes, sir. We’ll discuss this when I get back. Let’s go, children. Why are we going to the lake. We are doing a movie. But, Father… I mean daddy told us to go straight home. How are you doing, young fella. Okay, I guess. Penny for your thoughts. Well, it’s a long story. But a familiar one, I bet. Mm. Older than the hills. I’ve been there, my friend. I’ve been there and back. You know, I see the way you’re sitting here and I see the way you’ve got your hand around that little shoe, and that’s all I need. I know your whole story. You do? Absolutely. (FILM PROJECTOR WHIRS) I know exactly what happened to you. What? Well, I’ll tell you. What happened was your and your brother in-law, Bernie, you cashed in your stock certificates and you went out and bought a dry-cleaning establishment. Hmm? Now another place opens up down the street and it’s charging less. And they’re getting the stuff out faster because they got more help. It’s not your fault. Right? All right. So Bernie comes to you, he say: “I want you to buy me out.” He says he’s fed up. Well, your kids are growing up, you never see ‘em. And all of a sudden, they’re turning into juvenile delinquents. And your wife is saying to you “Listen, you care more about this lousy business than you care about me.” And the equipment breaks down. And your sister moves in with you because that jerk Bernie, he went and joined the circus. Well, you had it up to here, right? You didn’t know what to do. So what did you do? You did the only thing you could do. You dumped the business for a song. And who did you sell it to? Who? You sold it to that jerk down the street. That slob had been burying you for a year. Then you took whatever money you had left and you sunk it into the glass slipper business. Well, that’s your story, my friend. Not a happy one, is it? You know, it’s amazing. You are a hundred percent wrong. I mean, nothing you've said has been right. Oh yeah? Well, how about this…? I hate to be rude, but we’re trying to do a movie here. Oh, yeah? Mm-hm. Oh, I didn’t know that. Gee, I’m sorry. Listen, one thing, son. Would you like to buy a watch? No. Movie stars. Mary Poppins: Get your filthy hands off me! I beg your pardon, young lady. Just keep your hands to yourself, turkey. Jack: Hey, you. Well, well, well. If it isn’t the fake Lady Holiday. Hello. Hello? Last night you never even said goodbye. Oh, Jack. That was just silliness. But you lied to me. You used me. Oh, Jack, please, let me explain, Jack. My name is Mary Poppins. I am a model. Yeah. I only lied because I wanted to be with you. Yeah, well, I saw the way you were dancing with that guy last night. Oh, Jack. Well, let me tell you something. Your dancing partner happens to be a jewel thief. What do you think of that? You’re jealous. I am not. You are. You are, you are, you are, you are. Jack, I’m sorry. Please don’t go, Jack. Please. Please don’t go. Jack, please. Oh, please. I’m sorry. Please. Poppins. Poppins, hold it. Please, please, please. Mary. Poppins! Please, please, please. You’re overreacting. What? You’re overreacting. You’re hamming it up. I am not. I am trying to save this movie. Oh, yeah? Well, save your performance instead. I am playing 800 different emotions. Well, try to play one of them right. Oh, oh! I have a career of my own. I know all about your career, Mary Poppins. I don’t need this lousy duck pond here. Sure you don’t need a lousy duck pond. I’ll just walk. Okay, sure. Go ahead, walk. Okay? Should I walk? Then walk. Walk! Go ahead and walk. Oh, Mary. Listen. I’m doing my best. I know you are. Mary, I’m sorry. We gotta get back to the movie, though. All right. All right, all right, all right. Jack, I’m sorry I left you last night at the night club. Well, that’s okay, Mary. Oh, Jackie. Oh, Mary. Pretty day, sunny sky. Lovely pictures dance in your eye. It all seems so right. It all feels so rare. John: Mary Poppins, where are you going? Summer soft, sudden breeze. Watch the wind play tag in the trees. The world is so bright. So perfectly fair. Chorus: Lovers sing, children dance. For a minute, we’ve got a chance. Why couldn’t we fly? I’d know we get by. Couldn’t we fly? Sunny sky, pretty day. Just a push and we’re on the way. Yes, couldn’t we ride, Side by side? Whoa! Annabel: Jack, stop. Father’s going to lose his temper. Whoa! (GEORGIE LAUGHS) John: This is not the way home. Huh. Who-hoo, Mary Poppins. Whoa! Wah! Oof! (CRASH) Why couldn’t we fly? I know we’d get by. Sunny sky, pretty day. Just a push and we’re on the way. Yes, couldn’t we ride. Side by side? Couldn’t we ride, side by side? Gangway! Watch it. Coming through. She’s wonderful. She’s so wonderful. She certainly seems to know where she’s going. It’s time. All right, everybody. Keep it moving. Don’t linger. We just want to give them a hint, a taste, a soupçon. Appetizers. Not four course meals. Marie, I don’t think we should chew gum. Stephanie, those false eyelashes are coming unglued. Those shoes are scuffed. I know where they are. I’ll get them… Sorry. Watch it, buster. Oh. Mr. Holiday, I’m sorry. Hello. Mary… Poppins. Mary Poppins. Right. Of course. Have dinner with me tonight. Mr. Holiday, really, I’m very busy. Could we meet just for a moment? Underwear, underwear, underwear. Just one brief moment. Mary Poppins. Mary… Hm? Mary Poppins. You’re a very different-looking woman. I’m so tired of the same type. Those tall, thin creatures with the long legs, the aquiline noses, the teeth like pearls, soft skin. Yeah, well, I can see why that might make you sick to your stomach. Please, now… Please… Mary Poppins! No! Please! No! Please! Please! Don’t put a door between us. Hi. Oh, Jack. I was looking for the men’s room. Jack, I just want you to meet someone. This is Nicky Holiday. Mr, Holiday, this is Jack, my special friend. Oh. Nice to meet you. Well, excuse me. Need I say more? He’s a lamplighter, isn’t he? Yes. Mary Poppins. We could’ve had something very, very special. Now, I can’t be responsible for what might happen. Yeah, well, uh… that’s life. Marla: I don’t know why you love her like you do. I don’t know why. I just do. Carla: Well, you'd better snap out of it, and fast. Darla: We’ve got to plant the goods on her to take the heat off of us. I know the plan, I just wish there was another way. It is the only way. Especially now that the cops are starting to ask questions. Okay, I’ll do my job. When I give the signal, you do yours. Forgive me, Mary Poppins. Angus: Am I dressed right for this? Jack: You look fine, Angus. Thank you. Lady Holiday: And now, without further ado, roses, hyacinths, lilacs, and bluebells make up our first fashion bouquet. Ooh! Here’s capricious Carla, a dream in hyacinth-blue chiffon with the classic allure of the white pleated collar and cuffs. The skirt, a flutter of godets all complemented by the cloudy folds of blue forming the perfect flower-framing hat. Fantastique. And thank you, Carla. Pretty good-looking duds. I found the white pleated collar alluring, but I was rather taken aback by the flutter of godets. Mm-hm. And now here’s delicious Darla in a swirl of apricot silk above a tight bodice with a cleverly-draped décolletage. Finishing the roses to match the confection of flowers and silk on her head, forming a teeny weeny hat. Marla: Oh. Ow! My knee. I think I’ve twisted it. You all right? You’ve got to get up! You’ve got to go on! I can’t go on! Mary Poppins: Oh, you poor thing. Oh, don’t worry, Marla. I’ll stay right here with you. You can’t. You’ve got to go on in her place. And now, the Lady Holiday swimwear collection. A cloud of lavender starburst pleating surrounds our next model. (CHORUS VOCALIZING) A miracle of spring. A miracle of beauty. Be dazzled by the magic of one smile. A vision of loveliness, A universe of charms. We’ll never rest until you’re in our arms. Daffodils, Mary Poppins. Whippoorwills, Mary Poppins. Everything that’s lovely, warm, and spring, Mary Poppins. Fantasy, Mary Poppins. Ecstasy, Mary Poppins. All that’s fair or fine or wonderful or anything, Mary Poppins. Where does the rapture begin and grow? Where does devotion and passion go? Happiness, Mary Poppins. One caress, Mary Poppins. All the world’s ever wanted was you, a dream come true. Oh, Mary Poppins. Where does the rapture begin and grow? Where does devotion begin and grow? Happiness, Mary Poppins. One caress, Mary Poppins. All, the world’s ever wanted was you. A dream come true. Oh, Mary Poppins. It’s you, it’s you, it’s you! (SPLASH) Oh, Mary Poppins, are you okay? Yeah, sure, I was just looking for my contact lens. Excuse me. Excuse me. You’ll get a chill. Thank you very much. You all right? I don’t know what happened. I must have tripped. Wait a minute! What’s this? I don’t think these belong to me. Do you recognize these? That was my necklace. But… where are the diamonds? Mary Poppins stole my necklace. (NICKY GASPS) Mary Poppins, how could you! No! No! I didn’t do anything about it! Somebody must’ve put it… you! It was you, Jack was right there. You’re a phony, yes you are. And you know what? You can’t even sing! Your voice was dubbed. Watch out, guys. Jack! Don’t worry, Mary Poppins. We’ll get you out of this. It just goes to show you can’t trust anybody. Excuse me, Lady Holiday, will you be hiring any more nannies? Well, I shall certainly think twice about it. Jack, find out if they’ll let me keep the costumes. What about your most famous piece of jewelry, the Fabulous Baseball Diamond? As from Monday, the Fabulous Baseball Diamond will go on permanent display at the Mallory Gallery. I shall never have it either on my person or in my possession again. That’s right. It’ll be in our possession. Tuesday at midnight we’ll go to the Mallory Gallery. The Baseball Diamond will be ours. Bob: So there I was, backstage under a table. I was doing a little photographic essay on kneecaps, when I heard them planning to steal the baseball diamond. Ashley: Bummer. Angus: I have an idea. I saw them walking out the front door and they were whispering “Lady Holiday is going to be sorry when we steal the baseball diamond.” Nicky: Mary Poppins will be with our lives, but she will be going to jail for the robbery when we grab the most famous jewel of the world “The Fabulous Baseball Diamond.” Angus: I also saw them reading the newspaper. Carla: Mary Poppins steals Lady Holiday’s necklace. Mary Poppins was stealing Lady Holiday’s necklace while dancing and Lady Holiday screamed “AIEEEE!” and put it in her coat. Who could believe a lady would ever steal Lady Holiday’s necklace? It is like I’ve seen everything. After the soup landed on his cummerbund, he wiped it off with some paper towels. Leon: So what’s the plan, man? Bob: I already told you. Tuesday, midnight, at The Mallory Gallery. That’s all I know. You mean they’re really gonna try to steal the baseball diamond? Jack: Quiet! Ashley: And then I said “Look, Mother, this is my life, OK? So if I want to live on a beach and walk around naked…” (ASHLEY SIGHS) Jack: Now, if we want to get Mary Poppins out of jail, we’re gonna have to catch those thieves red-handed. Yes, Beau? What color are their hands now? (GROANING) Now, we’re about to embark on a potentially dangerous mission. There could be physical violence, there could be gunplay, and there’s the slightest chance that somebody might even get killed. So if anybody wants out, now is the time to say it. I’m out. Me too. Ditto. Meep. Don’t we have a leerie around here, or something or somewhere? Yeah, sorry. I got a dental appointment. It's like this, Jack. I have to work all day. Angus: Hold it! Shame on you. I thought we were in this thing together. I’m just scared as you are, but this has to be done. We don’t want the bad guys to win. We want the good guys to win. We’ve got to do this for… for… for justice. For… freedom. For honesty. Boy, do I feel ashamed. Me too. I feel like tuppence. I’m back in. You can count on me. Oh, hey, I was only joking. Yeah, it’ll be a lot of fun to go out and risk our lives. Yeah! All for one, and one for all! Yeah! At times like this, I’m proud to be an American. Thank you. I knew I could count on each and every one of you. Angus, are you okay? That took a lot out of me. Okay. Now, we don’t have any time to waste, so everybody gather ‘round. And the first thing we have to do is make our plans. Right. Whoa? Or we could get some sleep. Mary Poppins: Kids, what are you doing here? Nicky threw us all in here. John: Let’s start with me. I told Nicky that he hurt your feelings. Nicky: What? Mary Poppins really did steal my sister’s necklace. And the whole time you came, I thought you’d help us steal Lady Holiday’s Fabulous Baseball Diamond. John: She didn’t steal the necklace. I saw the whole thing at the Dubonnet Club. I even saw you put it in the pocket of the coat and put it on Mary Poppins to get her arrested. Nicky: Don’t talk about her, or you get her arrested. Oh, yeah. I’m gonna tell on you. Nicky: That’s it. John: Nicky, put me down. I’m 20, I can walk, Nicky: You may come out, when you learn to stop talking about Mary Poppins. And, Annabel, what do you have to say for yourself? Well, I have orange hair and… Mary Poppins: How? I was in the makeup room. Nicky: I have a surprise for you. I wanted to know what the surprise was. Nicky: You’ll see. Annabel: But when I looked into the mirror, my hair turned orange. Mary Poppins: So, wait. You mean to tell me that Nicky was dying your hair orange? Yes. I kept yelling “You tricked me!” And then he said “That’s it!” Then I was whining “But I didn’t do anything wrong.” He told me that he didn’t care and to stay with John and called him “a stupid brother”. Mary Poppins: Wait, what’s happening? Georgie! Georgie: Okay, I was passing by. Nicky: Hey, why don’t you go home if you're tired? Georgie: I’m not tired. So I pranked the police officer with an R-rated film. I did that so he would arrest Nicky. But he brought me to Nicky. Police officer: This is a 14-year old boy pranking a police officer. Nicky: I’m sorry, did he get lost? Police officer: Georgie ran off to a police station without asking his parents. Make sure you never let your child alone or let them talk to the police without your permission. Nicky: I’m so sorry, sir, you see this here Georgie is my little boy. Georgie: He is not my father, he is a jewel thief! Nicky: Shut up, Georgie! I promise this won’t happen again. Will it, buddy? Now look, he is out of sorts. I’ll be right back after I ground him. Georgie: And then he just threw me in jail! Mary Poppins: You mean, Nicky has been pretending to be your father and grounded you and put you behind bars instead of taking you to the 3rd floor of 17 Cherry Tree Lane? Georgie: I’m not kidding, I’m serious! Woman: Mary Poppins? What? Your lawyer is here to see you. Lawyer? I don't have a lawyer. Ah, sure you do. Little lamplighter. Jackie! No wonder he hasn't come by to see me. He had to finish law school. Oh, Jack! Oh! Two minutes, lady. Oh, Jack. Oh, I've missed you so. Please, the name is Rosenthal. I'm your attorney. That's the only way they let me in here. Oh, right. I've missed you so… Rosenthal. It's been an eternity. It's been 45 minutes. Time goes slow in the cooler. Well, I just want you to know that we're gonna get you out of here, because we're gonna catch those thieves red-handed. What color are their hands now? I don't think this is the time for that type of humor. When you're in stir, you take the laughs when you can get 'em, Rosenthal. Yeah, well, anyway, just stay put because we've got a plan and we're gonna prove you're innocent. You see, tomorrow night… precisely at midnight. Georgie: (WHISPERING) That's when we'll lose our home. Jack: Those thieves are gonna steal Lady Holiday's Baseball Diamond from the Mallory Gallery. And we're gonna stop them. Oh, Jack, be careful. Don't worry because I've got Bob and Angus and all of our leerie friends. Those clowns? Mm-hm. Great. I'll be stuck in the big house for life. "Big house"? Is that prison talk? Yeah, "big house", "squealer", "slammer". That's the lingo we use here in the joint. Jack: Yeah. Well, you may talk tough, Mary Poppins, but underneath I know you're still the same beautiful, sensitive vulnerable woman I was out with the other night. The one that scarfed down all that caviar. (MARY POPPINS SIGHS) You have such a way with words. I love you, Rosenthal. Jack: You're wearing my mustache. Mary Poppins: Yeah, well, you have mesh-marks on your face. Nicky: Glass cutter? Carla: Check. Nicky: Nylon rope? Marla: Check. Nicky: Computer deprogrammer? Darla: Check. Nicky: Pocket laser? Carla: Check. Nicky: Infrared reflex? Marla: Check. Nicky: Portable detonator? Marla: Check. Kevin: I think it's in the bus. Angus: Rubber raft? Pops: I think it's got holes in it. Bag of chickens? Bob: Check. Angus: Fake vomit? Pops: It's on order. Angus: Frisbee? Antony Edwards: Lost. Nicky: Pneumatic drill? Darla: Check. Nicky: Computer printout? Marla: Check. Radar gun? Carla: Check. Nicky: Walkie-talkies? Carla, Darla, and Marla: Check. Angus: Wax lips? Marlon: Man, I just had 'em. Teinesha Bonner: Did you leave them in your other pants? Marlon: I don't have no other pants. Angus: Yo-yo? Ashley: For sure. Nicky: Harpoon gun? Darla: That's you. Nicky: Check. All right team, let's go for it. Angus: Peanut butter? Leon: Calvin ate it. Calvin: Sorry. Angus: Well,, Jack, I guess that's it. Jack: All right, everybody. Let's go for it, (LEERIES CHEERING) Go for it! (LEERIES CHEERING) Jack: Beauregard. (ALL WHISPER EXCITEDLY) Leerie: (SHUSHES) Bob: Okay. Quiet. Jack: Okay. You guys got your disguises in place? Sh. Leeries: Wow. Wow. I'm taking a picture. Shh. Kevin, hand me the blowtorch. Kevin: Who said anything about a blowtorch? Leerie: I got some paper towels. How are we supposed to cut through the bars if nobody brought stuff to cut with? Leon: I brought some hot mustard. Maybe that'll eat through the bars. Jack: Eat through the bars! Calvin? What? Jack: Hey. Why don't you see if you could eat through these iron bars. Calvin: Eat through the bars. (LEERIES SCREAMING) Do you know where Lady Holiday's Baseball Diamond is being kept? Man: Funnily enough, I do. It's at the Mallory Gallery, a virtually impregnable fortress, many miles from here. Poppins: I only have a half hour to get there. On foot? You'll never make it. I know. How about a ride? You can read, I presume? No passengers. Oh, couldn't you make an exception for little old moi. Not even for little old vous. (OLD MAN LAUGHS) Pretty please? NO! I tried to be nice. Hii-yah! (TRUCK DRIVES OFF) Oscar the Grouch: Hey. What's all the racket? What are you doing here? A very brief cameo. Old man: Me too. (TUTS) Mary Poppins: Breaker One, this is Hamhock. Do you read me? Dirty Bird: Loud and Clear, Hamhock. This is Dirty Bird. What's your 20, over. Well good buddy, we're westbound out of Highgate. Any smokies between me and Blimeytown? Negatory, Hamhock. You're free and clear. Ten-four, Dirty Bird. Much obliged. We've got the hammer down, and we gone. Henderson: I never ordered no pepperoni. Jack: It's right here on the slip. Medium pepperoni with double cheese. Angus: (ITALIAN ACCENT) That's a-right, we don't a-make them, we just a-deliver them. Somebody here called Little Nero's, and that's us. What's the name on that slip? Uh… what's your name? Henderson. That's it! That's the name on the slip. Henderson: But I hate pepperoni. Angus: I'll eat it. Jack: Stand by, guys. (LEERIES) Right! Jack: Ooh. Henderson: 'Ere, just a moment. Can I see that slip? Uh… uh… well… Actually, this is the wrong slip. That slip, sir, you said it had my name on it. Angus: Oh, that-a slip. That a-slip we left at home. But we got-a the pepperoni. Henderson: But I (WITH ANGUS) hate pepperoni. Right. Jack: How, 'bout, you feed it to the dogs. Here, sir. Oh, that's so very thoughtful of you. Thank you very much, sir. (CLUNK) (ENGINE LOSING POWER) Mary Poppins: What am I? A glutton for punishment? Bob: Hey, Angus. (ANGUS SHUSHES) Angus, how do we get in? Why don't we just ring the doorbell? No, no, no. There's gotta be another way. Antony: Well, you'd better think of it pretty quick. Those dogs nearly finished the pizza. Jack: I know. The roof. Leon: Oh, man. No way we'll ever get up there. (DOGS BARKING) (LEERIES SCREAMING) (HYPERVENTILATING) Angus: Phew. So far I'm not having any fun. Kevin: Lemme talk to 'em. (KEVIN BARKING) It helps to know a second language. Mary Poppins: It's nearly midnight. What am I going to do? John: Super wheels! (OTHER CHILDREN SCREAMING) Mary Poppins. Mary Poppins: Hey! Hey, you! Hey! What an unbelievable coincidence. Annabel: And just what is an unbelievable coincidence? Huh? Huh? Are you a spy? Jack: Now, this window probably has an alarm system on it. Sid: My assistant Gerald will check it out. Go on, Gerald. (SCREAMING) (ALARM SYSTEM BEEPING) Very good, Gerald. Now It's perfectly safe. Jack: Oh, good. Calvin, do your stuff. (STRAINING) Calvin: Sorry. Jack: (WHISPERING) There it is. The Fabulous Baseball Diamond. Antony: How are we gonna get down there? Bob: I suggest, we jump. Angus: are you crazy? That's about 100 feet. Sid: I didn't say it was a good suggestion. Beauregard: Maybe we could jump partway. Angus: What are we gonna do now? Jack: We're just gonna have to go down there and catch those thieves red-handed. Beauregard: What color are their hands now? Jack: We'll just have to improvise. We'll make a ladder out of whatever will hold us. Leerie: Good idea. Here's the paper towels. Mary Poppins: I'm coming, Jackie! John: Me too! Annabel: Me three! Georgie: Me four. (SIREN BLARING) Mary Poppins: Well, you wanted excitement. John: Why? (SIREN CONTINUES BLARING) Angus: Excuse me, I don't think that belongs to you. (LEERIES SHOUTING) Bob: Say cheese! Calvin: Woman! Angus: Hey, nice catch, Calvin. Heads up, Ollie. Oliver Shields: Over here, Kevin. Hot potato! Keep away. Teinesha: Here we go. Angus: I got it. Thank you. Be careful, guys. Catch it. Get him! Pops: Still got a good eye. Mike Tarkanian: Welcome to the wild world of leerie sports. This is Mark Tarkanian with a play-by-play of the game. Calvin: Woman! Mike: And it looks like ladies' night here at the gallery. Calvin: Peekaboo. Marlon: Hey! (SCATS) Pop: Okay. Here she comes, boy! (GERALD WHIMPERS) Gabrielle: I hate balls. Leon: Hey, way to chuck, way to look, way to move! Antony: Popcorn, popcorn. Get your red-hot popcorn. (CHEF SCATTING) Antony: Popcorn, chicken? Calvin: Woman! Woman! Oliver: Okay, okay. Mike: Oliver Shields leads off the order as we join the game. Oliver: Chuck it to me, Gabi baby. Sid: Pitchy witchy, Gabrielle. Pops: Pitcher, you couldn't hit the front side of a barn! Bob: Picture of the pitcher. Pops! Wait for what you want, Ollie, baby. Mike: Gabrielle goes into the windup. It's the pitch. It's a high fly ball to Jack the Lamplighter. Jack: I got it. I got it. I got it. Hey, gimme that diamond, you jerk. Angus: Come on, guys. Get him. Leerie: All right. Nicky: Back off! Jack: But, Nicky, why are you doing this? Nicky: Why am I doing this? Because I'm the villain. It's pure and simple. Angus: Excuse me, Mr. Holiday, sir. Would you let Jack go? If you hold him to long, he'll just give you warts. Nicky: Oh, no. He's coming with us. Come on, girls. Let's get out of here. (MOTORBIKE APPROACHES) (CHEERING) Mary Poppins: Hi-yah! John: Take this, you idiot. Georgie: Hi-yah. Darla: Ow. Angus: Watch out! Jack: Mary Poppins! Angus: Yeah! Way to go! (CALVIN LAUGHING) Calvin: Bye-Bye! Jack: You were magnificent, Mary Poppins. Mary Poppins: I did it all for you. Nicky: Could I have a moment? Thank you. Mary Poppins: No problem. Nicky: I really did care for you, you know. Mary Poppins: I know. We could've had the world on a silver platter. Mary Poppins: That silver's turned to iron bars, Nicky. Nicky: Don't hate me, Mary Poppins. Mary: Oh, I don't. It's just that somehow along the road, I found out the difference between wrong and right. You're wrong. He's right. Now, let's get you three home. Michael: Where on earth have you all been? Told you to bring them straight home, I've been worried sick! Annabel: We're sorry, it wasn't Mary's fault. Georgie: Let us explain. I think I've heard quite enough. Come in at once. You could've lost me my job. Do you know how hard it is to find your mother? Do you know how hard it is to have a good position like mine these days? Well, you've been tearing up like a… And you, Mary Poppins. I thought you looked after these children. But you lied again. John: It wasn't her, it was me. Annabel: No, It was us. There was a jewel thief. Michael: A jewel thief? Annabel: We thought, maybe if we talked to Mr. Frye, we could have more time to save the house. We just tried to help. Michael: Now look, I know it had been hard for our family. And I've done all I can to keep you from worrying, but I can't do this on my own. It's just hard. I can't. Everything has fallen to pieces since your mother… Annabel: Our mother isn't dead, she's in Canada. Michael: Canada? Did you say Canada? Annabel: Quebec. Michael: Quebec? Annabel: Montreal. Michael: Montreal! Where did you get that from? My future self. And she even gave me this. Kate's driver's license. And this is her in your scrapbook. And I see a menu from the Dubonnet Club. And she gave me her address. 17 Pine St. Michael: 17 Pine St? 17 Pine St! Let's pack up. We're moving tomorrow. Let's go to the bank. Mary Poppins: Nice to see you again… Jack? You brought those clowns with you? Jack: Well, I brought them to help to describe how your sister got her license. Mary Poppins: Stop being silly, now come along, children! Jane: Do you have everything you need? Michael: We have those party systems under control. Oh? 12:37? We really wasted time! Now let's go before it's too late! Georgie: Mary Poppins, it's almost one. Mary Poppins: Look at the clock and find out! 12:38! We're really too late! So, Mary Poppins will be here any minute now. The clock will strike 1:00 soon. Mary Poppins: I'm here. Now grab on, children. John: What are you doing?! Mary Poppins: Turning back the time! That's what I'm doing. Now let's turn it back. It's 11:30. Mary Poppins: That's when I started driving. Michael: Now let's go, quick! Fake Mr. Wilkins: All right, Mr. Frye, make sure the Banks children don't come until the clock strikes 12:00. Miss Penny Farthing: (FAINTS) Michael: I think, um. Umm… um… Mr. Wilkins: Don't you know this is the second time you've turned back the time? Michael: Yes, sir. Well, You have no life, no house. No, nothing. Michael: They are not lying, and you know it. Now, take the house. I have all I need right here. He's dead. Mr. Dawes: He has you there, Willie. Actually, I'm… Michael: What the? Mary Poppins: I thought I said the silver's turned to bars. Jane: All this time, you've been lying to us? And this isn't Mr. Frye, this is Darla. Darla? Ugh. Did you shave off her hair. And actually, this is Carla. We were pretending to be them. And suddenly, we locked up Mr. Dawes in hell. And we pulled a trick on you and kidnapped Mr. Dawes and his gang. Jane: But why? (SOBBING) Why did you do this? Because I'm a villain. Every good movie needs a villain. Mr. Dawes: And to you, Banks. I'm afraid to say this, but I think you'll be moving. Michael: I told you this would happen. Let's move out tomorrow. (ALARM CLOCK RINGS) Jane and Michael: We did it again! Ahh! Jane: John, did you count heads. Annabel, make sure we all have passports! Michael: So, I ordered some furniture for the service. Now, we will put them in our moving vans. Okay! Now let's see how long it'll take. Oh, we missed the airport limited. Now, let's hurry. Did we miss the flight? Airport Lady: No, you just made it. (CHILDREN CHEERING) (DRUMROLL) Mary Poppins saved the jewel robbery! Angus: It was nice of the Chronicle to pay our flight to Montreal. Pops: Yeah, but a man should be treated better than his luggage. Antony: Yeah, well, my luggage was sucked out the door. Luckily, my radio's frozen to my wrist. Man: Okay, guys. Everybody out for Montreal. Angus: Oh, boy. How close are we? Oh about 30,000 feet. Jack: You mean…? Yup. Happy landing! Michael: Let's get another parachute too. Jane: We had comedy. Michael: We had mystery. Angus: We've had a real good time and solved a crime real easily. Leeries: Hey, a movie. I just can't believe they did it. Starring everybody. Bob: And me! Jack: There was spectacle. Mary Poppins: There was fantasy. Jack: Where we took a chance. Mary: And saw romance end happily. Jack: In a movie. Mary: Oh, Jackie! Kevin: I just love a happy ending. Jack: One for everybody. Mary: Everybody. Everybody! Everybody! Calvin: Everybody! Bob: Everybody! (CHILDREN) Everybody in the world... Everyone: And me!
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