Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie/Transcript

[In the opening scene after George and Harold hum the fanfare of DreamWorks, we fade to black.]
HAROLD: (offscreen) DreamWorks Animation presents... 
[George puts a yellow paper in front of the screen that says "In Assosiastiun With"]
GEORGE: (offscreen) In association with... 
[Harold puts a logo that says "Treehouse Comix, Inc."]
GEORGE AND HAROLD: (offscreen) Treehouse Comix, Inc.! 
[George hums and turns the page which it says "A long, long, long, long time ago"]
GEORGE: (offscreen) All right, okay. So, a long, long, long, long time ago... (The other rectangle page then says "In a galaxy far, far away") In a galaxy far, far, away... (He turns the page where the earth is in space) There's a planet called Underpanty World.
HAROLD: (offscreen) Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. (He erases half of the earth and draws the blank bottom of the earth into an underwear) Okay, go. 
[Zoom in to people flying around wearing red capes and underwear]
GEORGE: (offscreen) Underpanty World was a peaceful planet where everybody wore only underwear. 
(The whole city starts crashing and the people fly away) 
GEORGE: (offscreen) Until, it started to blow up for some reason. 
(Pan to Big Daddy Long Johns panicking)
BIG DADDY LONG JOHNS: (panicking) Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh. 
(He is then holding a space baby)
SPACE BABY: (smiles) Da-da.
GEORGE: (offscreen) Meanwhile, the leaders of Underpanty World, Big Daddy Long Johns and his wife Princess Pantyhose saved their baby by stretching his underwear really far and then they shot him into space. 
(Big Daddy Long Johns sees the spaceship flying away and runs to Princess Pantyhose and throws the space baby to her and puts him in the sling shot. Princess Pantyhose lets go of the space baby)
BIG DADDY LONG JOHNS: (wishing him luck) Godspeed, little Underpants.
SPACE BABY: (flies through space) Whee! 
(The underwear earth explodes. The space baby flew by some astronauts and crashes on the ground)
GEORGE: (offscreen) And then he crashed on earth and he was raised by some nice fi... (Two dolphins pop up) Dolphins? (The dolphins start chirping)
HAROLD: (offscreen) Yeah, dolphins. Just go with it.
GEORGE: (offscreen) Okay, fine.
SPACE BABY: (offscreen) Goo goo, ga ga! (onscreen) Tra-la-la-la-la-la! 
(The male dolphin picks up the space baby. The female dolphin coos)
GEORGE: (offscreen) But, the space baby grew up fast. 
(The space baby grows up and turns into Captain Underpants)
FEMALE DOLPHIN: (disgusted) Eugh! 
(Pan to the school bus.)
BOY #1: (spots something) Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird!
GIRL: (exclaims) It's a plane!
BOY #2: (exclaims) It's an egg salad sandwich! 
(Pan to the egg salad sandwich wearing underpants)
EGG SALAD SANDWICH: (evilly) And guess what? (Knocks down the bridge) I'm rotten! 
(He laughs maniacally. The people in the bus start screaming as they fall down. Pan to Captain Underpants flying)
CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS: (proudly) Faster than a speeding waistband! More powerful than boxer shorts! (He uses his underpants to hold the broken bridge as the people in the bus go across)
EGG SALAD SANDWICH: (evilly) You'll never catch me, Captain Underpants! (He laughs maniacally and flies in the sky scraper which causes a wedgie to his underwear) Owie!
CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS: (proudly) Able to leap tall buildings without getting a wedgie! (Flies down to the policeman)
POLICEMAN: (sarcastic) Hey, alright, good for you, pal. Now put on some clothes, you weirdo.
CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS: (Laughs) No way! I fight for truth, justice, and all that is preshrunk and cottony! For I am... 
(He uses his power to use electricity and flies away)
HAROLD: (offscreen) Captain Underpants! (He writes the words on the title. Zoom back to Harold Hutchins and George Beard) The origin issue.
GEORGE: (smiles) It's so good. We should've done an origin issue ages ago.
HAROLD: (smiles) Yeah, like, first.
GEORGE: (frowns) You know, I'm not sure about the dolphins, though.
HAROLD: (smiles) Yeah, I know, it's just, I didn't know if it was the thing where it's like, good weird or bad weird. Like is it something... 
(All of a sudden, Mr. Benjamin "Benny" Krupp grabs the comic book and rips it apart.)
HAROLD: (sobbing) The origin issue!
KRUPP: (angrily) I've told you two a thousand times not to draw these idiotic comics! 
(He tears up the comic book and lets the pieces fly everywhere. George uses his arms to make a cross)
GEORGE: (forms a cross with his arms) Freeze! (The scene suddenly freezes, except George and Harold. He waves to the audience) Hey, everybody! Wait one second. (Removes the pieces) Hi, I'm George Beard, and this is my best friend, Harold Hutchins.
HAROLD: (Takes one of the pieces of the comic book) Hey. Aw, man.
GEORGE: (assures Harold) It's okay. We got more ideas. (To the audience) See, Harold loves to draw and I love to tell stories. And this old guy looking angry right here, well, this is the worst principal in the world, Mr, Krupp.
HAROLD: (grumpily) Mean old Mr. Krupp. Hates anything fun. Like comic books, (The camera pans to the torn-up comic pieces still floating in the air) recess... (The scene changes to the drawings of three kids playing jump rope until Krupp cuts the rope with scissors) Christmas... (The scene changes to the drawing in a winter setting Santa riding in his sleigh before flooring it back the way he came after Krupp jumpscares him) Even kittens! (The drawing of Krupp uses a flame thrower on the kitten with a censor bar blocking the carnage)
GEORGE: (shocked) Oh, my goodness, did that really happen?
HAROLD: (frowns) Uh, no. Not technically. (angrily) BUT IT MIGHT AS WELL HAVE! I'm sorry, I-- I'm so mad about the comic.
GEORGE: (nods) Yeah, me too. (Sits back down and makes a cross again by his arms and covers his ears) And unfreeze. (The scene then unfreezes and the pieces of the comic book fall down and Krupp unfreezes as well.)
KRUPP: (furious) In my office... (George covers his ears for this) NOW!
(Cuts to Krupp's office, Krupp glares silently at the two boys.)
GEORGE: (whispers to Harold) What is happening right now?
HAROLD: (whispers to George) I don't know.
GEORGE: (whispers to Harold) Do you think he fell asleep with his eyes open?
HAROLD: (whispers to George) Maybe. Let's try and leave and see what happens.
[George and Harold slowly walk away toward the door, but Krupp pushes the button. The security door locked up.]
HAROLD: (shocked) Ahh!
[Security door key twisted to locked up.]
DOOR VOICE: (speaks) Door lock activated.
GEORGE: (shocked) Wow! That's an expensive door.
[They walk back to their seats.]
KRUPP: (proudly) It was a choice between the magnetic automatic door closer and the music and arts programs.
[Flashback to art room. A boy is painting a picture while a girl plays the tuba.]
KRUPP: (annoyed) Agh!
[Krupp puts the painting board inside the tuba and evilly chuckles. End flashback.]
KRUPP: (proudly) Pretty sure I made the right choice. This morning's school sign is supposed to read... "Sewage plant field trips are today." So, can either of you explain why it now reads... (pulls up the blinds revealing the school sign) "Come see my hairy armpits"?!?
(George and Harold laughing)
KRUPP: (turns to them angrily) I know you two are responsible.
GEORGE: (quizzically) How? How do you know? Do you have any proof? I mean, this is a country of laws.
KRUPP: (pats his stomach) The proof is here. Inside my gut.
HAROLD: (whispers to George) He must have a lot of proof in there. Quiet fives.
GEORGE: (they do quiet high-fives) Quiet fives.
KRUPP: (chuckles angrily) Ever since you attended this elementary school, you've been responsible for one prank after another.
[Cut to a montage of pranks. Mr. Fyde pulls down the slider, picture of him working out with muscles. The kids laugh. Cut to Ms. Ribble shushing the students as she sits down.]''
MS. RIBBLE: (shushes the students) Shh... 
[The chair boings up Ms. Ribble and the kids laugh. Mr. Meaner uses a basketball attached to gum and it stretches back, hitting him. The kids laugh. Mr. Krupp opens a bag and green slime splatters all over him and Mrs. Ribble and gets up but realizes she’s stuck on her chair and Mr. Fyde pulls down the slider, with a picture of him as a strongman, Edith opens the door and Krupp is using the toilet, scaring the lady. A bucket of pink slime drops on a teacher's head. Meaner and Ribble get squirted with water from the fountain while Krupp gets a big flood. The librarian screams at books hanging from the ceiling. A real-life tiger scares Mr. Fyde. Krupp is bombarded with water balloons. Edith opens a closet to let out a lot of bubbles. George and Harold are floating in them before popping out to land back in their seats.]
GEORGE: (impressed) Wow, That's a lot of pranks.
HAROLD: (impressed) Yeah, when it's cut all together like that, you really get a sense of our scope.
GEORGE: (impressed) Some of those must've been really hard to pull off.
HAROLD: (impressed) And dangerous. Like that tiger?
GEORGE: (impressed) Oh, that tiger was crazy!
KRUPP: (annoyed) Augh! (bangs his head on the desk) For four long years... you two have been disrupting the carefully calibrated, drone-like beehive... that this elementary school is supposed to be. I may not be able to prove it yet... but I'm gonna get you two one day. One day very, very soon. (flashes an evil smile)
GEORGE: (shrugs) All right.
HAROLD: (shrugs) Fair enough.
KRUPP: (angrily) Get out of my office. (slams his fist on the desk) Now!
[The two boys leave the office.]
GEORGE: (to the viewers) You see what we're up against? And that's just a typical day at Jerome Horwitz Elementary.
HAROLD: (scoffs) More like Jerome Horwitz Penitentiary.
[We see a few students looking gloomy.]
TOMMY: (depressed) Hey, guys.
GEORGE: (grins) What's going on, Tommy?
TOMMY: (depressed) Same old, same old. (gets inside his locker)
GEORGE: (sighs) Poor kid.
[Ms. Ribble is seen teaching history to some miserable students.]
MS. RIBBLE: (bored) Time to have fun with history. (gets out a piece of paper) Memorize these dates. 1827, 1853, 1914, 1926.
HAROLD: (sadly) First graders. Always hits them the hardest.
GEORGE: (gets an idea) Hold on a sec. 
[He puts a paper with a finger in a nose on the mural of Mr. Krupp, making it look like he’s picking his nose. The duo giggle at this.]
GEORGE: (to the viewers) So that's why we do what we do. He's left us no choice. 
[They enter their classroom and take their seats.]
GEORGE: (to the viewers) Our pranks and practical jokes are the last line of defense... against the injustice of our terrible principal.
MELVIN: (sneers) Well, well, well. I heard you both got into a bit of the old trouble today.
GEORGE: (quizzically) How'd you hear that, Melvin?
HAROLD: (quizzically) Did you tattle-tale on us?
MELVIN: (smugly) Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. (then) I did. Someone has to stand up for the Man.
GEORGE: (angrily) No one has to stand up for the Man. That's the whole point of the Man. He stands up for himself, Melvin.
MELVIN: (smugly) Respectfully disagree.
[Mr. Fyde enters the classroom, putting his briefcase on the desk, which fell off. He sighed to himself as the kids laughed.]
KRUPP: (on speaker) Attention, everyone. Principal Krupp here with an announcement. This Saturday is the mandatory Invention Convention.
GIRL: (dismayed) Boo!
GEORGE: (dismayed) Oh, what?
MELVIN: (joyfully) Yes!
MR. FYDE: (dismayed) That's our third Saturday this month!
KRUPP: (on speaker) You must be here with your inventions at 8:00 am.
HAROLD: (dismayed) Is there no justice?
KRUPP: (on speaker) I know that's early for Saturday, but don't worry. You should be done by 9:00... (the students perk up) pm.
[The students grimaced while Melvin jumped for joy. Later, the bell rings and everyone leaves the school.]
GEORGE: (smiling) Tree house?
HAROLD: (smiling) Tree house.
[George and Harold head to their treehouse hangout.]
GEORGE: (to the viewers) Welcome to the world headquarters of Tree House Comix, Inc.
HAROLD: (to the viewers) Yep. This is where the magic happens. Not, like, actual magic. No, we're not practicing the dark arts. No, here we just hang out and make comics and try to make each other laugh.
GEORGE: (to the viewers) That's how we became friends.
[The flashback shows the boys' younger selves.]
YOUNG GEORGE: (to the viewers) This is me in kindygarten.
YOUNG HAROLD: (to the viewers) And this is me. George and I aren't friends yet. But we're about to be.
MRS. DAYKEN: (to her students) The seventh planet from the sun is called... Uranus. Scientists refer to Uranus...
[The two laughed at the mere word, and when the teacher faced them, they weren’t laughing.]
YOUNG HAROLD: (quietly) Your anus. (laughs)
MRS. DAYKEN: (continues) ...as one of the planets...
YOUNG GEORGE: (quietly) I know. (laughs)
[They become quiet when the teacher looks at them. Then, her back is turned.]
MRS. DAYKEN: (continues) ...known as a gas giant.
[The two boys laughed again.]
YOUNG MELVIN: (confused) I don't get it. It's just science, guys.
MRS. DAYKEN: (continues) As I was saying...
YOUNG GEORGE: (quietly; to Harold) Hey, I'm George. You wanna hang out in my tree house after school?
YOUNG HAROLD: (quizzically) You have a tree house?
[Soon, two hands pick up the young ones and a hand flicks Melvin off as we transition back to the treehouse.]
GEORGE: (to the viewers) Ever since then, we've created hundreds of comics in here. Like the Wrath of the Wicked Wedgie Woman.
HAROLD: (to the viewers) And who could forget Sad Worm? It was a worm who was sad. 
[He flips the pages of the Sad Worm book and the rest are empty.]
HAROLD: (clears his throat) That one's still a work in progress.
GEORGE: (to the viewers) But the all-time greatest superhero that we've ever created was... The Amazing Captain Underpants.
HAROLD: (to the viewers) See, most superheroes look like they're flying around in their underwear.
GEORGE: (to the viewers) Well, this guy actually does.
HAROLD: (laughs) Come on, let's get to work.
[And so, the two boys started to work on their comics.]
GEORGE: (sends the idea on a paper airplane) Hey, tell me what you think.
HAROLD: (grabs it and looks through it) Oh, I can't wait to draw this.
[Later, George put on a cape and did his Captain Underpants impersonation.]
GEORGE: (heroically) Tra-la-laaa!
HAROLD: (inspired) Wait, wait. Don't move, don't move.
[Hours pass and the book is completed. It was called “Captain Underpants and the Revolt of the Robot Rebellion!!”.]
GEORGE: (proudly) Mr. Hutchins, I gotta say... your drawings get better with every issue.
HAROLD: (proudly) Because your words inspire greatness, Mr. Beard.
GEORGE: (waving goodbye) Good night, Harold.
HAROLD: (waving goodbye) Good night, George.
[The next morning, the boys got up from their beds.]
GEORGE: (sings) I love Saturday!
HAROLD: (sings) When anything is possible!
GEORGE: (sings) I love Saturday 'cause I can wear my pajamas all all day!
HAROLD: (sings) I love Saturday 'cause I can watch TV all..
GEORGE AND HAROLD: (singing) Day!
HAROLD: (sings) I can pee a little bit in my underwear, and no one will mind.
GEORGE: (confused) Where are you going with that? Do you really do that?
HAROLD: (frowns) No. What are you talking... It's just something I could do because...
[They go outside. As they sing, the birds, a cat, and a dog dance together.]
GEORGE: (sings) Monday's an eternity away!
HAROLD: (sings) When it is...
GEORGE AND HAROLD: (singing) Saturday!
GEORGE'S MOM: (offscreen) Get in the car, boys. You got the Invention Convention today.
[The scene then switches back outside, and the cat begins hissing and jumps in the air to catch a bird with the dog beginning to have a scuffle over the bird. It then begins to storm, then with the scene cutting to a tree branch where a leaf curls up, then snaps off. The camera then pans down to the line of depressed kids slowly marching into the school's Invention Convention.]
KRUPP: (taps the mic) Is this thing on? (clears throat) Quick announcement. Our science teacher, Mr. Fyde, is no longer with us.
[The kids gasp, except George and Harold]
GIRL: (shocked) He's dead?! (begins crying)
KRUPP: (shocked) What? No! Not like that. He wanted to spend Saturday with his family, (he laughs for a brief moment) so I fired him! I'll find a replacement next week. (clears throat) On to Melvin Sneedly with the first of his 16--
MELVIN: (peeks from the curtains) Actually it's 17.
KRUPP: (corrects himself) 17 inventions. (to Melvin) Take it away, Melvin.
[He walks off stage as Melvin walks on stage and shows his first invention.]
MELVIN: (to the audience) I will now demonstrate a prototype which I call... the Robotic Sock Matcher. 
[He activated his device, and the device matched the sock Melvin was holding.]
MELVIN: (proudly) Never waste time matching your own socks again. 
[Moments later...]
MELVIN: (offscreen) The Electromagnetic Lint Collector. 
[More moments later...]
MELVIN: (offscreen) Digital Paper Sorter. It's the homework... 
[Even more moments later...]
MELVIN: (offscreen) Automatic cushion.
HAROLD: (bored) Make it end!
MELVIN: (offscreen) And the personal favorite, the binder binder. 
[He gets out a giant binder and opens it up to have a few binders with different subjects.]
MELVIN: (proudly) Having trouble organizing your binders? Well, look no further than this giant binder... for binders. Three-hole punch...
[He slammed the giant binder down, making George and Harold to wake up.]
GEORGE: (bored) This is the stuff of nightmares. 
MR. KRUPP: (shushes the boys) Shhh! (Sits down and reads a newspaper)
GEORGE: (whispers to Harold) We have to do something about this.
HAROLD: (whispers) I don't know. Krupp looks serious this time, George. Maybe we should just lay low for a while.
GEORGE: (concerned) Lay low? Look at our fellow children. Look upon their sad, miserable, pathetic faces. Come on, Harold. If you won't do it for me and you won't do it for you... do it for future generations. Save the first graders... the kindygarteners, the unborn... from a life of eternal boredom!
[Soon, Krupp falls asleep.]
HAROLD: (grins) Okay, let's do this.
[They sneak backstage while Melvin shows his latest invention.]
MELVIN: (proudly) Feast your eyes on this. The Turbo Toilet 2000!
[Once they got close, they started tampering with it, unaware that a turtle robot is staring at them.]
MELVIN: (offscreen) Check it out, people. It's already programmed with my personal potty playlist.
[The toilet starts playing samba music.]
HAROLD: (quietly) Screwdriver.
[George hands him the screwdriver and they get to work on the toilet while Melvin's busy.]
MELVIN: (dances to the music) Oh, samba! Once you're done using the facilities... hit the button and let my toilet wash itself. 
[He presses the button and the toilet activates. It gets out two rolls of TP on its claws.] 
MELVIN: (proudly) Now included, automatic toilet paper wiping claw. Trademark. 
[However, George and Harold press the button, causing the Toilet bot to go haywire. It starts to play music by Adam Lambert called Think as the machine was shooting toilet paper rolls everywhere.]
MELVIN: (to the toilet) I said no!
[Krupp wakes up when a toilet paper bumped him.]
KRUPP: (wakes up) Huh? Oh... Melvin, turn that thing off.
MELVIN: (tries to stop the toilet) I'm trying to, but it's not cooperating.
[All of the kids started to celebrate as Melvin tried to control the toilet bot. Finally it stopped and exploded into confetti, sending Melvin flying into the crowd.]
GEORGE: (proudly) Best.
HAROLD: (proudly) Prank.
BOTH: (proudly) Ever.
[The two boys leave the school with fake credits rolling behind them.]
GEORGE: (proudly) Well, that brings our story to its happy conclusion.
HAROLD: (proudly) I hope you've all enjoyed the film.
GEORGE: (proudly) It was certainly shorter than we expected.
HAROLD: (proudly) What more is there to say? Our fellow students got to enjoy their weekend. Which, by the way, they are legally entitled to.
GEORGE: (proudly) And good triumphed over evil once and for...
[Suddenly, the front door was opened by Krupp, stopping the boys and the credits.]
KRUPP: (grins evilly) Oh, boys! A moment, please.
[George and Harold look at each other, realizing they are in trouble. In the office, Krupp has an evil grin on his face.]
GEORGE: (confused) What's happening to his face?
HAROLD: (confused) I think he's smiling. (shivers) I'm so cold. So, so cold.
[Melvin enters the office.]
MELVIN: (as he enters; to Ms. Anthrope) I'll let myself in, receptionist lady.
KRUPP: (sneers) Melvin.
GEORGE: (quizzically) What's he doing here?
KRUPP: (sneers) You see, Melvin is yet to demonstrate his most impressive invention from today. It was a little extracurricular project I asked him to come up with myself.
MELVIN: (smiles evilly) I call him the Tattle Turtle 200. On the outside, it resembles a turtle. But on the inside, (pops off its head and reveals it to be a camera) oh, look at this. It's a nanny cam!
KRUPP: (smiles evilly) Oh, Melvin. How fun. Let's see what it recorded.
[He plugs the cord in the TV and turns on the screen, but it shows nothing.]
MELVIN: (knowingly) Yeah, you gotta change the input to video.
KRUPP: (stubbornly) I think I got this.
MELVIN: (knowingly) You're on AUX. Change it to video.
KRUPP: (stubbornly) It's not my TV. It's your turtle.
MELVIN: (knowingly) You're doing it wrong.
KRUPP: (annoyed) I know. I think I know how to do my office.
[The TV then shows footage of the boys setting up the prank.]
HAROLD: (on TV) Screwdriver.
GEORGE: (on TV) Is this two-ply or one-ply?
HAROLD: (on TV) We're so guilty.
GEORGE AND HAROLD: (on TV) Quiet fives. Quiet fives.
HAROLD: (shocked) Wow, that nanny cam really has good picture quality.
GEORGE: (shocked) Was that hi-def? 'Cause you could really tell that's us.
KRUPP: (smiles evilly) I can't believe it. (laughs evilly as he walks to his desk) I gotcha. I finally gotcha!
MELVIN: (chimes in) We've finally got them, sir.
KRUPP: (smirks) Yes, yes. Well done, Melvin. Extra credit granted.
MELVIN: (grabs the extra credit) Put that in my pocket. (chuckles) Extra credit, it feels so good! (leaves the room; singsong) I got extra credit! 
KRUPP: (to George and Harold) I told you I would get you one day. And that day I was talking about is this day. Today. This is the day.
HAROLD: (scared) Are you going to tell our parents?
KRUPP: (smiles evilly) No. Your parents are obviously total failures. I have a much more effective punishment in mind. Because I'm going to have you two placed in separate... (pushes their seats away from each other and gasps) classes. I'm going to annihilate your friendship.
GEORGE: (scared) What? No!
KRUPP: (evilly) You see? You won't be together. You won't be able to enjoy each other's company and ruin my life.
HAROLD: (scared) Mr. Krupp, no. You can't do this. Please.
GEORGE: (scared) This is too much. I mean, even for you.
KRUPP: (evilly) Enjoy the rest of your weekend, boys. Because come Monday... (cackles evilly)
[A thunderstorm transitions to the treehouse. Inside, Harold and George are saddened that they will be separated.]
HAROLD: (sadly) Separate classes. Our friendship's over. I'll never see you again in my life!
GEORGE: (tries to assure Harold) Hey, hey. Calm down. It's not the end of the world. We'll still be best friends. Just way down the hall from each other. What am I talking about? This is bad. Long distance relationships never work!
HAROLD: (sadly) This is just the beginning. Imagine the future. 
[He holds two socks with different colors up and the scene changed to a sock puppet version of how their friendship will end.]
HAROLD: (voiceover) Friends separated... promising each other they'll remain besties. But within months, we'll be awkwardly bumping into each other at the mall.
[At a homemade version of a mall, we see sock versions of George and Harold as adults in different escalators.]
PUPPET HAROLD: (glumly) Hey, George.
PUPPET GEORGE: (glumly) Hey. Do I know you?
HAROLD: (voiceover) You'll have a weird haircut. I'll be wearing a suit for some reason. And before we know it, separate classes will lead to separate lives... which inevitably leads to robots.
[Suddenly, robots attack the mall.]
PUPPET GEORGE: (confused) What? Why are there robots at the mall?
PUPPET HAROLD: (scared) Because this is the future! The future always has robots.
[The robots then shoot at each other.]
PUPPET GEORGE: (confused) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Why are the robots shooting other robots? Aren't they supposed to be friends?
PUPPET HAROLD: (scared) I don't know! I'm the artist, you're the writer. That's why we need each other.
[The giant Tattle Turtle bursts in and fires lasers from its right eye, setting fire to the mall.]
PUPPET GEORGE: (scared) Help! Fire!
[Fade back to the treehouse.]
GEORGE: (scared) Okay, you're right. No, you are right. I mean, if we get put in separate classes, it's the end of the world as we know it.
HAROLD: (scared) What are we gonna do?
GEORGE: (determined) Oh, I'll tell you what we're gonna do. First thing Monday morning, we're getting that turtle.
[In the school, Harold and George hide in the closet to see Mr. Krupp in his office. He prints out flyers for a teacher job application. As he shuts the tray down, he sees Edith the lunch lady.]
KRUPP: (surprised) Edith!
EDITH: (nervously) Oh, is this a bad time? I did not mean to interrupt the copying process. I'll go.
GEORGE: (quietly) Yes, go! Please go.
KRUPP: (nervously) No, no. I'm just finishing up. (chuckles while the boys groan) What brings you around here?
EDITH: (holds a tuna casserole with Krupp’s name on it) I just made this tuna casserole... and I noticed it had your name on it... in jalapeno peppers.
KRUPP: (intrigued) Mm... (sniffs it) It smells spicy. 
EDITH: (nervously) Yep. Mmm-hmm. That's 'cause it's been dry-aged for a week.
KRUPP: (smiles) I don't know what that means, but it sounds very time-consuming.
EDITH: (nervously) It took a week.
[In the closet...]
GEORGE: (quietly) Eww. They like each other.
HAROLD: (quietly) Oh, no, George. I think it's much worse. They like-like each other.
GEORGE: (quietly) What are you talking about? Adults don't like-like other adults.
HAROLD: (quietly) Well, you probably haven't seen it at your home since your parents are married. In my studies, like-liking seems to end with marriage.
[Back with Krupp..]
KRUPP: (nervously) Well, I should probably get back to running the school. You know, it's not gonna run itself. (Chuckles then walks to his office with the turtle)
EDITH: (sadly) But... (sighs) Oh, Edith. Get your head out of the clouds. (leaves)
KRUPP: (comes out) Wait, Edith! You never gave me the tuna casserole. (follows after her)
HAROLD: (gasps) I think he forgot the turtle.
GEORGE: (quietly) Go, go, go.
[They head over to the office, only for Ms. Anthrope to enter, so they head back to the closet.]
HAROLD: (quietly) Great. What now?
[Later, the phone rings and Miss Anthrope answers it.]
GEORGE: (disguising his voice; on phone) Hello. If you would like the chance to win one billion dollars... 
MS. ANTHROPE: (on phone) Ooh. 
GEORGE: (disguising his voice; on phone) Please hold for one of our representatives.
[Harold turns on the radio to play looping music and the woman holds her phone. With her distracted, George and Harold sneak into the office.]
GEORGE: (whispers) It's gotta be in here somewhere.
[George looks and opened up a cabinet labeled “George and Harold!!!” It's filled with toys.]
GEORGE: (amazed) Whoa!
HAROLD: (comes in) What?
GEORGE: (amazed) Everything Krupp ever confiscated from us.
HAROLD: (gasps) Look at all that stuff.
GEORGE: (gets out a whoopie cushion) Oh, dear old whoopee cushion. You will sing once again. (hugs it and it deflates)
HAROLD: (gets out a big water gun) Oh, my Super Duper Soaking Machine!
[George then takes out a plastic ring in a wrapper.]
GEORGE: (amazed) My hypno-ring! I never even got to take it out of the wrapper. (unwraps it and puts it on his finger)
HAROLD: (amazed) Wow. Look at this. (Holds a sheet of Captain Underpants comics) He's got every issue of Captain Underpants we've ever created. You think he reads them?
GEORGE: (while looking through an issue) I was kinda hoping that we appealed to a slightly cooler demographic.
[Suddenly, Mr. Krupp enters and slams the door behind him.]
KRUPP: (smiles evilly) Well, if it isn't George Beard and Harold Hutchins. (pulls up a blue chair) To what do I owe the pleasure? Is it perhaps this?
[He shows them the turtle strapped on his leg.]
HAROLD: (shocked) Oh, no.
KRUPP: (smiles evilly) Nice try. Turtle and I have grown quite attached. We're inseparable, actually. I carry him wherever I go. Including the shower!
[The Tattle Turtle sheds a tear.]
HAROLD: (feels bad for the turtle) Poor turtle.
[He gets on his desk and pulls out a folder of George Beard and Harold Hutchins.]
KRUPP: (smiles evilly) Oh, what's this? (Slams it on his desk as he opens it and holds two red papers with a request saying “Child is impossible to deal with. Child is worst student in class. Because the Principal said so!!!”) Why, it's the paperwork to separate you two. 
[The boys gasped.]
KRUPP: (smiles evilly) It’s really incredible that I can actually see the end of their friendship. (gets out his pen) And it ends right here. (Clicks his pen) On this… (slow-motion) ... dotted line.
HAROLD: (scared) George, do something.
[As Mr. Krupp was signing the papers, George was on the desk pointing the ring at Krupp when Mr. Krupp stopped signing the papers.]
GEORGE: [points his ring at Krupp] Put the pen down, Mr. Krupp... or we'll hypnotize you!
KRUPP: (confused) What?
HAROLD: (confused) What?
GEORGE: (to Harold) You said do something.
KRUPP: (confused) What is that?
GEORGE: (dramatically) Forged from the molten plastic of Shandong, China. In the lowest floor of the darkest basement where only toy prizes dare be made... exists the most powerful item... ever to be found in a box of Frosted Sugar Doodles. The hypno-ring.
KRUPP: (doubtfully) Hypnotize me? With that piece of plastic junk? (laughs)
HAROLD: (confused) Does that really work?
GEORGE: (whispers to Harold) What do you think? I got it out of a cereal box. (to Krupp) I'm warning you. If you don't do what we say, you're gonna get really sleepy.
KRUPP: (doubtfully) Oh, will I? I'll get sleepy? (laughs) With that thing pointing at me? It's not making me sleepy. (yawns as he was getting sleepy from the ring; slurring) I'm not gonna get sleepy from… Whoa! 
[He yawns, until something strange started to happen. Objects start to float.]
KRUPP: (shocked) What kind of plastic hokum is this?
[The three start to float from the ring.]
HAROLD: (while floating) What's happening?
GEORGE: (while floating) I don't know! Why are we floating?
[The red spiral was swirling around the school as Krupp’s eyes started to turn to red spirals which made the red spiral go and they fell back on the ground.]
HAROLD: (shocked) What was that?
GEORGE: (shocked) I don't know. I honestly didn't think that would happen.
[They looked at their principal, dazed as his eyes spiraled.]
HAROLD: (gets the turtle and puts it in his backpack) Gotcha. You're safe now, little turtle.
[The turtle was happy and smiled at the savior.]
GEORGE: (to Krupp) When I snap my fingers, you will obey our every command.
HAROLD: (quizzically) Wait. How do you know this?
GEORGE: (to Harold) I don't know. I just say the first thing that comes to my mind with great authority. (to Krupp) You are now a chicken.
[He snapped his fingers and Mr. Krupp started acting like a chicken, pecking the floor.]
HAROLD: (amazed) It worked! He's a chicken. Okay, let me try. Let me try. (to Krupp) You're a monkey.
[He snapped his fingers, and the principal swung around hooting like a monkey.]
HAROLD: (amazed) Oh! Look at him, he's a monkey!
[Soon, George then gets an idea from their comic after seeing their creation looks like Mr. Krupp. He showed it to Harold as he was surprised, and he too wants to do it.]
GEORGE: (whispers) Come on.
GEORGE AND HAROLD: (in unison) You are now the greatest superhero of all time... the amazing Captain Underpants!
[George snapped his fingers and Mr. Krupp removed his clothing and toupee and took a red curtain with black dots. The toupee hit the button, turning on the fan, sending the pages flying as Captain Underpants finally makes his appearance.]
UNDERPANTS: (heroically) Tra-la-laaaaa!
HAROLD: (amazed) Captain Underpants? Is that really you?
UNDERPANTS: (heroically) Let's see. (Checks his underpants) Underpants, check. Captain, also check. I'm pretty sure I'm Captain Underpants.
[George and Harold burst into laughter.]
GEORGE: (while laughing) It worked!
UNDERPANTS: (heroically) Which must make you my trusty sidekicks!
BOTH: (in unison) Sidekicks? (they continue laughing)
UNDERPANTS: (heroically) Fear not, this planet is safe under my watchful eye.
GEORGE: (while laughing) This is hilarious!
HAROLD: (while laughing) This is amazing!
UNDERPANTS: (opens the blinds) Let's see what's afoot. 
[He jumps through the window and on the ground.]
GEORGE: (shocked) Wait, no!
[The two rushed to the broken window to see him okay.]
UNDERPANTS: (gets up) Well, that was invigorating.
HAROLD: (concerned) We gotta stop him.
GEORGE: (quizzically) Why?
[Just then, Captain Underpants gets hit by a car without noticing.]
UNDERPANTS: (gets up) Huzzah!
DRIVER: (angrily) Out of the road, bozo!
UNDERPANTS: (smiles) Why, thank you, vehicle person! [runs off to another person's yard, leaps, then crashes] Ow!
GEORGE: (then) Yeah, we should probably go get him.
[They get out of the window, slide down the flagpole, and started to chase after Captain Underpants.]
GEORGE: (calling out) Captain Underpants, wait!
[They soon chase to the city where Captain Underpants hops over a bird feeder and sees the evilest thing over.]
UNDERPANTS: (spots something) What is this? 
[A mime is pretending to be trapped in a box.]
UNDERPANTS: (concerned) Poor soul. You're trapped in some sort of invisible box-like prison. (the mime doesn't speak while pretending to cry) What's that? I can't hear you. But I see your tears.
[George and Harold hide behind a brick wall.]
HAROLD: (chuckles) Is it okay that I'm kinda loving this?
GEORGE: (smiles) Yes and no. But mostly yes.
UNDERPANTS: (heroically) Fear not, for I will set you free! (punches the mime)
MIME: (in pain) Ow! What is wrong with you?
UNDERPANTS: (smiles) Oh, that's better. I can hear you now.
[The two rush over to Underpants.]
HAROLD: (apologetically to the mime while giving him a coin) Sorry, sorry. We're so sorry.
GEORGE: (as he walks with Underpants) Okay, listen, let's not be punching people, though, because...
UNDERPANTS: (hears something) Hold it. 
[He sees an old lady trying to get her cat off the tree.]
UNDERPANTS: (to the lady) Here, let me help. (threw her up the three) You're welcome, madam.
HAROLD: (he and George grab him) You know, we should probably get you back to the school before anything else...
UNDERPANTS: (senses something) Halt!
GEORGE: (confused) What?
UNDERPANTS: (senses something) Do you sense that?
GEORGE: (confused) No.
UNDERPANTS: (shakes his head) Well, of course you don't. You're not a superhero like me. Come, sidekicks. Evil lurks within! (rushes to a tall building called Snotco)
HAROLD: (scared) Oh, no!
[They entered the building, only to see him gone.]
GEORGE: (looks around) Where'd he go now?
[Soon, Captain Underpants was flying in the sky...]
UNDERPANTS: (heroically) To the sky!
[Underpants makes whooshing noises while he is on the elevator. One person is pushing a button rapidly in fear. Meanwhile, George and Harold leave the building.]
HAROLD: (dazed) You'd think a guy like him would be easy to find.
GEORGE: (falls to the ground and spots Underpants) Found him.
[They saw Captain Underpants on top of the building.]
UNDERPANTS: (to a creature) Stand down, you giant ape monster!
HAROLD: (confused) Giant ape monster? What is he talking... (sees a purple inflatable gorilla on the next building and gasps)
UNDERPANTS: (heroically) Your days of terrifying this town... (moves back a bit) are over!
HAROLD: (scared) Mr. Krupp! I mean, Captain Underpants! You can't actually fly!
UNDERPANTS: (runs to the ape) Now I take to the sky... like an ostrich! [jumps onto the balloon gorilla and the ropes holding it start to snap] I gotcha!
GEORGE: (scared) We gotta do something. (sees a crane) I've got an idea.
[They rush over to the crane.]
GEORGE: (greets the worker) Morning.
CONSTRUCTION WORKER: (as he gets out) Morning.
[They went inside and noticed lots of buttons.]
HAROLD: (shocked) Oh, that is a lot of buttons.
[They try to start to move the crane.]
UNDERPANTS: (as he fights the balloon ape) Take that! Ah, cheap shot! Ow! Right in the kisser!
[The last rope snaps and it starts to fall down.]
GEORGE AND HAROLD: (scared) No!
[They try to catch him but miss as it lands on the ground.]
UNDERPANTS: (waves to the two) Oh, hi, guys!
[It bounces off.]
GEORGE: (scared) Wait! No! Follow that gorilla!
[They followed the bouncing superhero.]
UNDERPANTS: (to the ape as he bounces) Oh, you put up a good fight!
GEORGE: (cheers for Harold) Yeah! You are so good at operating a crane, Harold.
HAROLD: (smiles) I know! It's really not that hard.
UNDERPANTS: (while bouncing) Rest assured, citizens of this marvelous metropolis... I will rid you of this menace any moment now!
HAROLD: (tries to grab Captain Underpants) Come on. Oh, come on, come on, come on.
[They swung at the inflatable, popping it.]
UNDERPANTS: (falling down) Victory!
GEORGE: (cheers) Yes!
HAROLD: (cheers) Bravo!
[The crane starts to go out of control.]
HAROLD: (scared) Oh, no, no, no!
[Captain Underpants then landed on some bank robbers, thwarting their plans.]
UNDERPANTS: (heroically) Let that be a lesson to evildoers everywhere. Never underestimate the power of underwear!
OFFICER: (confused) Who the heck are you? What the...
[Suddenly, the crane then parallel parked near the side.]
HAROLD: (amazed) Wow! I can't believe we found a spot.
[They get out of the crane.]
GEORGE: (nervously) Oh, goodness. Grandpa, you did it again.
HAROLD: (nervously) He's a sleepwalker. Come on, pap pap, let's get you back into bed.
UNDERPANTS: (quizzically) But what about all the other evil villains?
GEORGE: (nervously) Well, don't worry about that. There's no more evil villains around here.
[As they walked off dragging Captain Underpants, a short man saw the flyer for the teacher fill-in.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (smirks evilly) A science teacher, hmm? (takes the flyer) The perfect cover. (laughs evilly)
[Soon, the three arrive at the treehouse.]
UNDERPANTS: (amazed) Chums! What an astounding headquarters. Stuffed full of relics... all celebrating my interplanetary exploits! (looks at a plunger) Oh, this takes me back.
HAROLD: (concerned) What are we gonna do? He can't just stay here. We have to turn him back into Krupp.
GEORGE: (smiles) I know, but can we just take a moment to acknowledge what's happening here please? I mean, Captain Underpants is hanging out in our tree house!
UNDERPANTS: (finds the turtle and gasps) Look at the cute little turtle. Oh, he's so adorable. 
[George and Harold laugh at the scene.]
UNDERPANTS: (throws the turtle away) Well, a hero's work is never done. Now it is time to fly again!
GEORGE: (panicking) No, no, no, no!
[He throws water at Underpants, turning him back to Krupp.]
KRUPP: (confused) Where am I? Where are my pants?
HAROLD: (scared) Oh, no! He's Krupp again.
[Mr. Krupp screamed at them, but they snapped their fingers and he reverted back to Underpants.]
UNDERPANTS: (heroically) Tra-la-laaa!
GEORGE: (realizes) That's it! Now we know what turns him back and forth.
UNDERPANTS: (confused) Turns who what?
[Harold splashed Underpants with water.]
KRUPP: (confused) Why am I soaking wet?
HAROLD: (amazed) Cool.
UNDERPANTS/KRUPP: (annoyed) Hey. (SNAP) Tra-la-laaa! (SPLASH) Harold! (SNAP) Tra-la... (SPLASH) George! (SNAP) ..laaa!
GEORGE: (smiles) We should probably stop.
HAROLD: (smiles) Yeah, we probably should.
UNDERPANTS/KRUPP: (annoyed) Stop doing this! (SNAP) Tra-la... (gets hit with water and fingers snap) I am Captain... (SPLASH) What are you doing? (Harold holds up a phone and he answers it) Hello? (SNAP) Well, hello! (SPLASH) What's happening? (SNAP) Fear not! 
[They splashed water and had him juggle water balloons.]
KRUPP: (surprised) Didn't know I could do this. 
[They snapped their fingers.]
UNDERPANTS: (water splashes him and fingers snapped) Hey, sidekicks! Tra! (splash) 
KRUPP: (annoyed) Hey!
[They snapped their fingers again.]
Captain Underpants: (joyfully) Heyo!
[They splashed him.]
Mr. Krupp: (annoyed) Argh!
[They snapped their fingers again.]
Captain Underpants: (heroically) La…
[He gets splashed again.]
Mr. Krupp: (annoyed) Ahh!
[Fingers are snapped.]
Captain Underpants: (heroically) Laaa!!! (Gets splashed by water)
[He fell on the floor as little Underpants flew around his head. Soon, they got him on the wagon as they were on Curmudgeon Blvd.]
GEORGE: (checks the ID and address) Okay, this is the street. Come on, come on. We're almost there.
[They dragged the wagon on the way to Krupp’s house. They gasped as they saw a man walk by and stood behind Krupp to hide him.]
BOTH: (greeting the man) Evening.
MAN: (greets the boys) Evening.
[A dog grabbed onto the cape with its mouth.]
GEORGE: (to the dog) Drop it. No, get off. Gimme! That's a bad dog. (pulls the cape off the dog’s mouth)
[Finally, they reach Krupp's house.]
HAROLD: (pants) We made it. (looks at the house) Yeesh. 
[The house looked creepy and barren.]
HAROLD: (scared) I wonder what horrors lie inside.
GEORGE: (scared) There's probably wild dogs in there.
HAROLD: (scared) Probably torture implements.
GEORGE: (scared) Rabid rats.
HAROLD: (scared) Brains in jars.
GEORGE: (scared) Jars of plucked-out eyeballs.
HAROLD: (scared) Bones of former students.
[George used a key from Krupp’s wallet and as they opened it, his house was empty. Harold screams.]
GEORGE: (confused) Why'd you scream?
HAROLD: (shocked) I just assumed there'd be something scary... but it's actually a really nice place.
GEORGE: (as they push Underpants inside) We probably shouldn't snoop around.
HAROLD: (slyly) Yeah. Definitely not.
[Harold snoops around.]
GEORGE: (slyly) Come on.
[They begin to look around. They look in the kitchen, but the fridge has only one ketchup bottle, a single fork, and a single cereal box.]
GEORGE: (reads the cereal box) Not So Cheery O's?
HAROLD: (bummed out) This guy's bumming me out.
[They closed it and turned on the light to shine on a lone table with one chair. The bathroom had two towels: His and Still his.]
GEORGE: (sadly) I gotta say, this has not been the funnest snoop.
HAROLD: (sadly) Yeah, no, totally. Really sad snoop. Kinda regretting it, actually.
[Later, the two boys pulled Krupp into his bed.]
HAROLD: (shudders) I sure hope we don't ever end up like him. All alone.
GEORGE: (snickers) It's impossible. That would never happen.
HAROLD: (smiles) Yeah, yeah. That'll never happen. (frowns) Unless he puts us in separate classes.
GEORGE: (gets an idea) Which will never happen. It'll never happen. 'Cause we control him now. And if ever gives us any trouble again, all we gotta do is snap our fingers... and "Tra-la-laa!" All of our problems go away.
[They both smiled. The next day, George and Harold arrived at school, wearing khakis and sunglasses, while carrying skateboards and a boombox.]
GEORGE: (greets Tommy) Hey, Tommy. What's going on?
TOMMY: (about to go into his locker) Hey, guys. (notices their shirts) Whoa! Cool shirts!
[They stop dancing when...]
KRUPP: (angrily) What are you two doing together? (Tommy goes into his locker) I separated you.
GEORGE: (turns off the boombox and tips his glasses) No, you didn't.
KRUPP: (confused) What are you talking about? I signed the paperwork. (shows them the paperwork) See?
GEORGE: (smirks) I don't see a signature. Harold, do you see a signature?
HAROLD: (smirks) Not a thing. I actually can't see a thing. These sunglasses are too dark.
KRUPP: (confused) What? I could have sworn I signed that thing. No matter. (gets out his pen and signs the paperwork) There! (Shows them the work with his signature) Officially separated. Forever! [laughs, then notices George taking the signature] What? Give me that!
[Harold snaps his fingers and Krupp turns into Underpants.]
UNDERPANTS: (heroically) Tra-la-laaa!
GEORGE: (smiles) See? Problem solved.
[The bell rings and students begin going from one room to another.]
UNDERPANTS: (to the students) Greetings, citizens!
[The two grab the superhero.]
GEORGE: (panicking) Quick, in here.
[They both hide in the abandoned music room.]
HAROLD: (pants) Okay, you know what? These shirts were way premature.
GEORGE: (scared) Definitely. Come on. Let's turn him back into Krupp.
HAROLD: (scared) We can't. He'll separate us, remember?
GEORGE: (scared) Yeah, well, we can't have him wandering around looking like that.
UNDERPANTS: (finds a triangle and gasps) A triangle! (dings the triangle and gasps again) It dings!
[Underpants plays the triangle randomly. George and Harold look at the clothes and then get an idea. Later, they got out of the music room.]
HAROLD: [pretending] Ah! Principal Krupp, you caught us again. You better take us to your office for a good old talking-to. Right? Principal Krupp?
UNDERPANTS: (offscreen) Principal who?
GEORGE: (whispers) Captain Underpants, get out here.
[The waistband warrior arrived, wearing Mr. Krupp’s clothes.]
UNDERPANTS: (stretches in his clothes) Sidekicks... are you sure my secret identity requires these... restricting, uncomfortable clothes?
GEORGE: (sternly) Yes, positive.
HAROLD: (sternly) 100% positive. Now act like a principal.
UNDERPANTS: (smiles) Oh, right. How does a principal act?
BOTH: (sternly) Mean!
UNDERPANTS: (happily) Okey-doke. [pretending to be a zombie] I'm a principal!
HAROLD: (laughs) Oh, yeeh. That's great.
GEORGE: (happily) Come on. We're almost there.
[They open the door to the principal’s office, only to find Edith.]
EDITH: (nervously) Oh, hello. Surprise. It's Edith. Did you like my tuna casserole?
UNDERPANTS: (holds up his hand like Washington) I cannot lie. I don't recall having your tuna casserole.
EDITH: (sadly) What? Oh.
UNDERPANTS: (smiles) But if your casserole is as striking as your one blue eye...
EDITH: (blushes and smiles softly) Oh, I didn't think you noticed. [moves away her hair from her face to reveal two blue eyes]
UNDERPANTS: (in awe) Oh, my. Two blue eyes.
GEORGE: (frowns) Principal Krupp. It's time to go. Gotta wrap it up.
UNDERPANTS: (smiles) Very well then. Up, up, and... (heads the wrong way)
HAROLD: (he and George guide him) And this way, sir.
[They guided the disguised superhero to the office.]
EDITH: (lovingly) Ooh! Flirt alert.
[They stopped to see Ms. Anthrope still on the phone.]
GEORGE: (amazed) Wow, she's still on hold.
[They got inside the office.]
HAROLD: (relieved) Phew! We made it.
UNDERPANTS: (to Poopypants) Well, hello, citizen.
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (turns away from the window) Oh, and hello to you, too. I was just, like, admiring the view... from your broken window. It's in the shape of a man. Anyway, I am here to interview for the science teacher position.
UNDERPANTS: (smiles) Perfect. I'm disguised as an elementary school principal. (whispers to the boys) Guys, I totally got this. Don't worry one bit.
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (checks into his briefcase) Now, where did I put that resume? (Holds an axe) No, not that. (throws it away and gets out a stick of dynamite) Oh, this thing. (throws it away as it explodes a little and he pulls out some nunchucks) This one's fun. (throws it away)
UNDERPANTS: (amazed) Ooh!
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (pulls out a potion) Heads up. (throws it near George and Harold) That one's gonna leave a mark. (Pulls out a living bear trap) I've been looking for that. Oh, not that. (Pulls out a chainsaw and gets his resume) Ah-ha! Here we go. (hands the principal his resume)
UNDERPANTS: (examines the resume) Hmm. Says here you're a science teacher?
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (smiles) Not exactly.
UNDERPANTS: (quizzically) But you have teaching experience?
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (shakes his head) Oh, no, I can't say that I do.
UNDERPANTS: (quizzically) Not even, like, babysitting?
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (hops onto the desk) I would never sit on a baby.
UNDERPANTS: (quizzically) Camp counselor?
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (as he lies on his backpack) Never was a camp counselor. Although I did receive counseling... for some trauma I experienced as a child.
UNDERPANTS: (smiles) I'm getting a really good vibe about you.
GEORGE: (steps in) Now hold on. Let me see that resume. (Takes the resume and examines it) It says here that you were a genius inventor?
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (annoyed) Mad... (slams his mace on the desk) genius inventor. But yes.
HAROLD: (checks the resume) And then for the last few years... you've "been in a very dark place"... and your title was... "Revenge Seeker?" "Revenge at all costs... "Die! Die!" Am I reading this right?
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (leans on the desk) Yeah, that's basically what I've been up to... so here I am! Applying for a job in the thriving public school system... with all of its amazing resources. But honestly, kids are so understanding. So innocent. Their smiles brighten my heart and fill me with... a joy-adjacent feeling. (gradually gets angry) As long as they are controlled... and do not laugh nor smile nor play nor laugh. Children must never laugh!
UNDERPANTS: (smiles) Well, you seem terrific! (Gets out a stamp) You’re hired! (stamps the resume)
BOTH: (shocked) What?
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (smiles) Excellent. Oh, by the way, going to need Fridays off... and every other Tuesday through Thursday... for my evil experiments. (Pulls the axe off the wall) Okay, bye-bye! (uses it to open the door and leaves)
GEORGE: (scared) Oh, this is bad. We just hired a maniac for a science teacher!
HAROLD: (scared) Uh, yeah. We gotta fix this before Krupp finds out.
UNDERPANTS: (heroically) Sounds like a job for Captain Underpants.
GEORGE: (nervously) No, no, no. You need to stay here. Okay, you're the principal, remember?
HAROLD: (nervously) Yeah, just sit there and look angry for no reason.
UNDERPANTS: (smiles) You got it. (pretends to look angry) Grr... 
[Harold and George leave. Underpants finds Harold’s water gun and puts it up to his eye.]
UNDERPANTS: (curiously) That will be interesting to put my eye up to.
[He accidently squirts the water gun, turning himself back into Krupp.]
KRUPP: (confused) What? How did I get here? Why is my face wet?
[He looked in surprise at the man-shaped hole on his window. Harold and George head to their classroom where Poopypants writes down his name as Professor P.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (to the students) Hiya, class. I'm your cool, new teacher. Not some scary guy with a secret evil agenda. Anyway, I'm just going to dive right in here. If there was one thing about this world that you could change... (spins the globe) what would it be?
GIRL: (raises her hand) Ooh! Ooh! Peace on Earth.
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (walks by) Unattainable. Anyone else?
GEORGE: (whispers) Pacific Ocean into chocolate.
HAROLD: (whispers) Atlantic into nacho cheese.
GEORGE: (smiling) It's like we're the same person and yet so, so different. I love it.
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (to the students) But more importantly... if I had to change one thing about the world... it would be to get rid of... laughter.
GEORGE: (confused) Get rid of laughter?
HAROLD: (confused) What kind of person wants to do that?
MELVIN: (raises his hand) Oh, oh! Ah! Ah! Sir, sir.
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (to Melvin) Yes?
MELVIN: (happily) I love it.
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (to the students) Oh, look at this. We got a grade A suck-up. Good to know, good to know. Anyway. (gets out a chart out of his briefcase) This is the brain of an average child. Right here is the "thinking about candy" lopalus. The "fear of what's under the bed" lobe. This is the "only thing I'll eat is pizza, chicken nuggets, or buttered noodles" lobe. Right here is the "as soon as someone else has a toy... I want that toy" anterior lobe. And this... This is the Hahaguffawchuckleamalus. This funny little purple part holds our entire capacity for laughter. For years, I've tried to shrink it or cut it out entirely... but frustratingly, our survival seems dependent upon it.
GEORGE: (worried) I don't like this. I mean, I don't really understand it. But the stuff I am understanding seems genuinely bad to me.
HAROLD: (worried) Yeah, same. (raises his hand) Um... Excuse me, Professor P? Why are you trying to get rid of laughter? Isn't laughter the best medicine?
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (shouts) Medicine is the best medicine! So...
HAROLD: (unnerved) Yeesh.
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (sees George raising his hand) What?
GEORGE: (quizzically) What does the P stand for?
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (confused) Excuse me?
GEORGE: (quizzically) The P. In your name. What does it stand for?
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (frowns) Oh, it's private.
GEORGE: (quizzically) So that means your name is Professor Privates?
[Everyone starts laughing at the joke. Well, except for Melvin.]
MELVIN: (confused) What's so funny? I don't get it.
[The mad short man got onto George’s desk.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (angrily) Principal's office, now! (to Harold) You too!
GEORGE: (shocked) Why him?
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (angrily) Because your friendship and shared sense of humor irritates me... and must be destroyed!
[So, the two were sent to the principal’s office.]
GEORGE: (as he sits down) We gotta do something about that new science teacher.
HAROLD: (as he gets on the desk) Yeah, it's like he's even more of a villain than Krupp.
GEORGE: (rests his feet on the desk) I didn't even think that was possible.
KRUPP: (offended) Whoa! Whoa! Wait a second.
HAROLD: (smirks) Tell me about it.
KRUPP: (irked) What? Who do you think...
HAROLD: (gets an idea) Oh, okay. Maybe we could fix this if we just...
KRUPP: (annoyed) Can you hear me?
HAROLD: (then) No, that'll never work.
KRUPP: (angrily) I'm sitting right here.
GEORGE: (perks up) Wait, Professor P doesn't want anybody to know his last name. Right?
HAROLD: (perks up) Right!
KRUPP: (confused) Who's Professor P?
GEORGE: (perks up) Exactly!
KRUPP: (angrily) Where is the respect? I am your principal!
GEORGE: (notices) Wait, is he Krupp again?
KRUPP: (angrily) George!
HAROLD: (frowns) Yup. Pretty sure he is.
KRUPP: (angrily) Harold!
HAROLD: (confused) How'd that even happen?
[They snap their fingers.]
UNDERPANTS: (heroically) Tra-la-laaa! 
[He went to see Ms. Anthrope.]
UNDERPANTS: (to Ms. Anthrope) Greetings! I need to get the... (to George and Harold) Sidekicks, what do I need again?
BOTH: (whispering) The file on the new science teacher.
UNDERPANTS: (whispering) Oh, right, right. (to Ms. Anthrope) I need the bile on the gooey fence creature.
BOTH: (whispering) Science teacher.
UNDERPANTS: (to Ms. Anthrope) The dewy tense preacher? (Harold groans) The dial on the...
HAROLD: (annoyed) Oh, come on!
[Ms. Anthrope hands him the new teacher’s resume.]
UNDERPANTS: (salutes) Thank you, human woman! 
[They walked out of the room.]
UNDERPANTS: (looks at the file) Sidekicks, explain to me the importance of this secret file.
GEORGE: (takes the file) There's a new super villain in town and we're trying to discover his weakness.
[They look over the file and gasped when they saw his name]
GEORGE AND HAROLD: (amazed) "Poopypants." (singing) Hallelujah! Hallelujah! His name is Poopypants. We found his weakness. Hallelujah!
HAROLD: (sings) He wants to rid the world of laughter!
GEORGE: (sings) Forever!
GEORGE AND HAROLD: (singing) And ever! We will defeat him! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
UNDERPANTS: (sings) Poopypaaaaaaants!
HAROLD: (annoyed) Captain? (holds up his pants) You forgetting something?
UNDERPANTS: (notices his underpants) Oh, look at that. They came off again.
[George facepalms. Later, Professor Poopypants was walking in the hallway.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (to two girls) Hey there, kiddo. First day for Professor P. Can you tell me where the lunch is consumed? 
[The two girls start to giggle.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (confused) What's going on with your face? Are you choking? Do you need to sneeze? 
[They start laughing.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (smiles) I see, I see. Got a case of the giggles, huh? That's fun. Well, I've got just the remedy for that. 
[His briefcase opens and pops out a cage which makes the girls shriek.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (angrily) In the cage. Now!
GIRL: (confused) Why?
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (angrily) Because I hate laughter and children and I've got a cage in a briefcase! 
[The girls were in the cage and he locked it up.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (smiles) Okay, well, have a nice day. Now what's for lunch?
[Upon entering the cafeteria, the kids took notice of Prof. Poopypants and started to laugh. All except for Melvin.]
MELVIN: (holds a comic and doesn't understand it) Excuse me, could you explain to me why this is funny?
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (to Melvin) You! Why is everyone laughing?
MELVIN: (gives him the comic) Uh, you're asking the wrong dude.
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (reads the title of the comic) "Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of... "Professor Poopypants?" [sees the kids laughing] Oh, What's happening? I'm hyperventilating.
[This horrifying revelation takes him to the past, where he was showing his invention to the Nobel Prize Committee.]
YOUNG PROF. POOPYPANTS: (to the audience) Esteemed members of the Nobel Prize Committee... it is with great pride... that I present to you... (shows them the invention) the Sizerator 2000! Behold, we can smallify. (shrinks a car) No more traffic jams. And conversely, largify. (makes a hot dog grow big) Look at how big this hot dog is. Going to need a lot of mustard for this frankfurter! (laughs)
[Everyone cheered at the magnificent demonstration.]
NOBEL MODERATOR: (proudly) The Nobel Peace Prize in Inventing Stuff goes to... um, Professor... (hesitating) Is that really your name? It's not, like, some kind of joke?
YOUNG PROF. POOPYPANTS: (assures the moderator) No. It's not, like, a joke. It's a traditional name in New Swissland.
NOBEL MODERATOR: (confused) Am I pronouncing it right? Poopypants?
YOUNG PROF. POOPYPANTS: (smiles) More or less. Except the emphasis is on the "poop." 
[Everyone started laughing at his name.] 
YOUNG PROF. POOPYPANTS: (angrily) Why are you laughing? I've invented a shrinking and enlarging ray! I should be famous! I should be dating models twice my size... and doing the talk show circuit! I should be protecting baby seals as a cause... that I say I care about, but not really! 
ATTENDEE: (while laughing) This guy is too much!
YOUNG PROF. POOPYPANTS: (angrily) Stop! Stop laughing! No, stop it!
NOBEL MODERATOR: (calms down from laughing) Okay. Phew! Oh... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Here. Take the award. It's really fun to say Poopypants.
YOUNG PROF. POOPYPANTS: (angrily) You keep your stupid award! I don't want it anymore. Oh, and one more thing...
[He shrinks down the moderator in retaliation.]
NOBEL MODERATOR: (while shrunken) On behalf of the Nobel Prize committee, please accept our apology. And could you change me back now please? 
YOUNG PROF. POOPYPANTS: (angrily) Why don't you go on and invent your own shrinking and enlarging ray... if you think you're so smart?
[He wakes up from his horrible memory to see kids looking at him.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (nervously) How much of that was out loud?
[Suddenly, George and Harold enter with a bunch of their comics.]
GEORGE: (calling out) Extra! Extra! Get our latest issue!
HAROLD: (calling out) Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants. (sees Professor Poopypants) Oh, no.
[Outside the school building...]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (drags the kids out) There you are. I've been looking all over for you.
[Captain Underpants, still in disguise, was putting up his catchphrase on the school sign.]
UNDERPANTS: (while working on the sign) Hmm. How many A's are there in "Tra-la-laaa?"
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (confused) What?
UNDERPANTS: (shrugs) I'll just go with 11. Enjoying your first day, professor?
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (angrily) The complete opposite, actually. (shows him the comic) Look at what these little monsters have created! We must lock them up, probably, like, forever!
UNDERPANTS: (checks the comic) Hmm. Oh, my. This is not a comic. (smiles) This is a history book.
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (confused) What?
UNDERPANTS: (smiles) And as such, it should be taught in every classroom. And you yourself must teach it... because that is how good it is.
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (shocked) I don't understand. I thought, like, we'd be on the same page here.
UNDERPANTS: (obliviously) What page is that? I'm on page 9, here. It's fantastic. Look, look. 
[We then see into the comic.]
UNDERPANTS: (voiceover) It's about this evil science teacher... who looks a lot like you, by the way. And he wanted to rid the world of laughter... but he couldn't figure out how to do it. Even worse, it seemed like everywhere he went, people were having fun and laughing. It just was infuriating. But then, he discovered someone who wasn't.
COMIC MELVIN: (offscreen) I don't get it. 
[The drawing then sees another drawing that looks like Melvin.]
COMIC MELVIN: (confused) Why is it funny?
[The boy busted out of the theater.]
UNDERPANTS: (voiceover) Anti-Humor Boy! And then the professor says, "Very interesting." 
[Out of the comic...]
UNDERPANTS: (giggles) That's my voice for him.
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (realizes) Wait, wait, wait. Gimme that. (Grabs the comic and looks at the drawing) That's no Anti-Humor Boy. That's the suck up from class. Very interesting. (Chuckles) You boys don't even realize it, but your silly comic book just helped me figure out how to wipe out laughter on the en... (gets hit by a car) Oof! 
DRIVER: (angrily) Out of the road, bozo!
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (angrily) Hey, watch where you're going! You just hit Professor Poopypants.
DRIVER: (hears his name) Poopypants? (laughs and drives away)
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (angrily) That's not funny! That's not funny! (gets hit by another car)
FEMALE DRIVER: (angrily) Ever heard of the sidewalk?
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (angrily) Oh, if I had insurance, you'd be in... Ow! (gets hit by an ice cream truck; offscreen) I'll admit that was surprising.
HAROLD: (amazed) Wow. That actually worked out for once. Good job, Captain Underpants.
UNDERPANTS: (salutes) At your service, sidekicks. Now where was I?
GEORGE: (sighs) We should probably get back to class, huh?
HAROLD: (frowns) Yeah, we probably should.
[They looked at each other and got an idea. At the auditorium, they took their seats.]
GEORGE: (as they squeeze through) Excuse me. Pardon me.
HAROLD: (as they squeeze through) If you could just...
GEORGE: (as they squeeze through) Watch your feet.
HAROLD: (as they squeeze through) Excuse me.
GEORGE: (as they squeeze through) Sorry. Thank you.
HAROLD: (to Todd) Oh, hey, Todd.
GEORGE: (to the viewers) Now, let me ask you something. If you could control your principal... what would you do?
HAROLD: (shushing) Shh. It's starting. It's starting.
[The disguised Captain Underpants walks onstage as the students cheer for him. His toupee was more styled than Krupp’s toupee. The kids then get quiet as Captain Underpants start conducting the music, which consists of students sitting on whoopee cushions over and over to the tune of 1812 Overture. Everyone laughed as the musical rhythm of whoopee cushions, burps, knuckle cracks, and other gross sounds filled the air. The song ends with a student riding a big whoopee cushion and a little girl farts. The class erupted into laughter and applause. The boys were enjoying every minute of it. Even the critics have spoken including Dav Pilkey. Later, in a Mr. Licky's ice cream truck, Poopypants was experimenting with Melvin.]
MELVIN: (while putting on the helmet) I just wanna make sure you apply the extra credit to next semester. I won't be needing it this semester, of course.
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (while typing on the computer) Oh, yeah. Sure, yeah. Whatever floats your boat, Melvin.
GIRL: (offscreen) Excuse me?
[Poopypants looks outside to see a girl wanting to make an order.]
GIRL: (holds up a dollar bill) Can I please get an ice cream sandwich?
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (to the girl) Yeah, scram, okay? We're closed for Ebola. (the girl sadly leaves) Okay, just a quick check to make sure that we're connected.
MELVIN: (calmly) Mmm-hmm. Okay. We're sure that's safe?
[The helmet then made Melvin glitch out a bit.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (smiles) Good.
[He starts showing the know-it-all some funny bloopers.] 
SWISS ANNOUNCER: (voiceover) And now, some classic funny bloopers! 
[One laughing guy gets pied in the face.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (offscreen) Ah. That's a good one. 
[A man stepped over a banana peel, but he was crushed by an anvil. Melvin didn’t even smirk from the bloopers.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (offscreen) Oh, this one's my favorite. (laughs)
MELVIN: (bored) I'm sorry. Why are you showing me this?
CHILD: (offscreen; on video) Ow.
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (laughs) Come on, that was funny! That child walked right into that rake.
MELVIN: (bored) I'm bored! What else is on?
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (amazed) Fascinating. Computer, scan. 
[The computer scans Melvin’s brain and his brain is all green.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (amazed) I don't believe it. You know, I suspected something smaller than normal, but this... This.
MELVIN: (confused) What? What is it?
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (amazed) I can't find it. Your Hahaguffawchuckleamalus! You don't have one! (laughs) 
MELVIN: (confused) I don't get it.
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (amazed) Exactly. You have no sense of humor like a chair or a supermodel. Melvin, with your brain and my brain together... we can finally wipe out laughter for once and for all! (Grabs the comic from Melvin) So George and Harold want a supervillain... well, ask and ye shall receive!
[Back at school...]
HAROLD: (holds a key) I hereby declare the Jerome Horwitz art program… (unlocks the lock and the boys open up the art room) reinstated!
[The art room was reopened, and everyone rejoiced. Even Tommy.]
TOMMY: (amazed) Oh...
HAROLD: (proudly) After you, sir.
[Every single student was drawing and painting in the art room, while the boys worked on making comics.]
GEORGE: (gets an idea) Ooh, what if we...
HAROLD: (knowingly) I'm already on it.
GEORGE: (excited) Oh, this is gonna be epic!
[Captain Underpants was trying to draw on a piece of paper.]
UNDERPANTS: (to himself) Come on, Captain, draw! Move your hand in the shape of a person! Why does it look like a chicken? This whole visual storytelling thing is hard! (sees Harold’s drawing) Oh, that's good.
HAROLD: (hands the drawing to George) Here, these need words.
UNDERPANTS: (confused) Hey, sidekicks... why are we doing this again?
HAROLD: (while working) Well, we're making school fun again. You know, "free the children."
GEORGE: (hands him his paper) Hey, hey! What if we put this panel right here?
HAROLD: (nods) Oh, yes! Yes, yes.
UNDERPANTS: (understanding) Ah, yes. Of course. Fun. On it! (leaves the room)
[A few hours of drawing comics, Harold and George notice that the kids are gone.]
HAROLD: (confused) Where'd everybody go? 
[They went outside and saw an amusement park in the playground.]
HAROLD: (shocked) Where did this even come from?
GEORGE: (sees Captain Underpants giving a girl lots of balloons) Hey!
UNDERPANTS: (as the girl floats away) Oh, hey, sidekicks. Glad you could join.
GEORGE: (shocked) How did you even do this? I thought you said you were looking after the... Oh, my goodness! Is that a Ferris wheel?
UNDERPANTS: (smiles) Well, of course it is! (Gives a boy come cotton candy) It came with the carnival I ordered. (Puts his head in the cotton candy machine and pulls his head out covering his face with a lighting star-like cotton candy mask) This cotton candy makes me feel powerful! (Licks it off his face) 
HAROLD: (notices there aren't any teachers) Hey, uh, where are all the teachers?
UNDERPANTS: (smiles) Detention. 
[The teachers were in detention, writing on blackboards.]
UNDERPANTS: (offscreen) They have a real attitude problem.
[Back to the boys...]
GEORGE: (laughs) Sure beats having Krupp around!
HAROLD: (chuckles) Oh, yeah. Krupp would totally lose his mind if he saw this.
UNDERPANTS: (offscreen) Step right up! 
[The disguised superhero was in a dunk tank.]
UNDERPANTS: (to the students) Who'll be the first to dunk the principal?
BOTH: (in horror) No!
[A kid threw his ball at the target, sending Underpants into the water below.]
KRUPP: (climbs out of the tank and falls on the ground yelling) I’m drowning! (Whimpers)
[He got out of the dunk tank and Harold snapped his fingers.]
UNDERPANTS: (in disguise) Tra-la-la…
GEORGE: (as he and Harold drag him away) All right, that's enough. Recess is over.
UNDERPANTS: (frowns) Ah, come on! Just one more ride!
[Another kid tripped and spilled his drink on him.]
HAROLD: (angrily) Hey, watch it!
KRUPP: (angrily) What is this, a carnival? I hate carnivals!
[George snapped his fingers and the man got into a shooting gallery.]
UNDERPANTS: (joyfully) Oh, this looks fun! How do we play?
[The kids aimed their water guns at him.]
GEORGE: (scared) Hold your fire!
[They fired water and Underpants became Mr. Krupp.]
KRUPP: (shocked) What is happening?
[Harold snapped his fingers and he was now serving ice cream as Underpants.]
UNDERPANTS: (joyfully) Who wants ice cream?
KIDS: (excited) Ice cream!
HAROLD: (worried) What are we gonna do? We can't keep this up forever.
GEORGE: (worried) We have to! We'll just take shifts watching him. I'll take today. You take tonight.
UNDERPANTS: (joyfully) Sugar!
[He pours sugar onto the children, making them go wild with sugar rush.]
GEORGE: (frowns) Harold, I really want some sugar.
HAROLD: (frowns) Me too.
[Moments later, they ran around with sugar rush, too.]
HAROLD: (hyperactive) We made the wrong choice!
GEORGE: (hyperactive) This did not solve anything!
UNDERPANTS: (offscreen) Hey, sidekicks! (jumping on a plank) Check this out! (jumps off the plank) Geronimo!
BOTH: (scared) No!
[They saw that he was heading for the barrel of water, so they moved it out of the way and got a trampoline.]
HAROLD: (in a hurry) This way!
[He bounced off and landed on a bus.]
UNDERPANTS: (joyfully) Field trip, anyone?
GEORGE: (scared) No, no, no!
[The bus was heading for a ramp surrounded by fire rings.]
UNDERPANTS: (joyfully) Nothing's more fun than fire! (his toupee catches fire) Except being on… (the boys splashed water on him with a hose) 
KRUPP: (panicking) Fire! (Pressed the brake pedal) 
[The bus rolled backwards.]
KRUPP: (screams) What is happening? 
[They snapped their fingers as he went by.] 
UNDERPANTS: (heroically) Tra-la-laaa!!
[The bus hit the Ferris wheel, and he ran on top of it. The boys groaned.]
UNDERPANTS: (joyfully) Now, this is how you run a school! 
[The wheel hit the school building and Captain Underpants parachutes down.]
UNDERPANTS: (shouts) Free the children!
[Suddenly, the clouds began to rain.]
GEORGE: (realizes in horror) Wait a minute.
[A droplet lands on Underpants's head, reverting him back to Mr. Krupp. He looks around to see the giant carnival mess.]
KRUPP: (shocked) What the... How did this... 
[The playground was a mess, with kids fast asleep from being worn out from sugar rush and one kid rolling on a hot dog wheel.]
KRUPP: (shocked) I don't understand.
[The little girl is still flying away on her balloons.]
GIRL: (while still floating away) Help!
KRUPP: (sees the girl floating away) What the... 
[He finds George and Harold in the midst of the mess and lands down, steamed than ever.]
KRUPP: (enraged) You... 
[George tried to snap his fingers to turn Krupp into Captain Underpants, but it was not working because of the rain.]
KRUPP: (enraged) You two. Your friendship... is no more.
[The boys looked glumly at the ground. With the rain keeping Krupp wet, there was no choice. Inside the school, the two boys went to their separate classes. And as Krupp went back into his office, Tommy hid in his locker but with other kids hiding in their lockers as well. The boys were miserable without each other’s company. Harold suddenly finds himself on a lone rock surrounded by nothing but water.]
HAROLD: (scared) What? George!
GEORGE: (scared) Harold!
[They were floating away from each other.]
GEORGE: (scared) Harold! Come back!
HAROLD: (scared) George, I'm right here! I'm right here!
GEORGE: (scared) Oh, no! No, no! Don't leave me!
HAROLD: (scared) I won't! I won't, George!
GEORGE: (scared) Harold!
[He disappeared into darkness.]
HAROLD: (scared) No, no! Wait, wait! Stop! George!
[He soon vanished, too. In his office, Mr. Krupp was proud of himself now that George and Harold are separated. However, he looked at the tuna casserole with his name on it and starts to feel sad. Back with Melvin and Poopypants, the former was looking at the latter’s Sizerator 2000.]
MELVIN: (amazed) This thing is amazing, Professor P. You could probably solve world hunger with an invention like this.
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (gags) Pass! More importantly... how do I look?
[Professor Poopypants now looks just like his comic book counterpart.]
MELVIN: (amazed) Just like you do in this comic! (shows him the comic) 
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (pleased) Good! Now, hands off the merchandise, (takes his Sizerator from Melvin) and go fetch your little toilet, okay?
[Melvin gets out of the van and gets his Turbo Toilet 2000 to Poopypants by wagon.]
MELVIN: (proudly) I call it "The Turbo..."
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (interrupts Melvin) Yeah, yeah. Couple of gold stars for you, kiddo. (Hops on top of the toilet) Let the Poopageddon begin! 
[With his Sizerator, he made the Turbo Toilet 2000 grow into a giant robot monster. However, it needs fuel.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (dismayed) What? Oh, you've gotta be joking me! Poopypants has no gas! You can't write this stuff. Where would a burgeoning villain find unlimited power?
MELVIN: (proudly) True power comes from within.
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (annoyed) No, it doesn't, Melvin! That's on stupid posters!
MELVIN: (frowns) Okay.
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (explaining) It comes from enormous energy sources! A nuclear waste dump.
MELVIN: (nods) I see where you're going.
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (explaining) A poisonous chemical factory.
MELVIN: (sees the school and gets an idea) Or perhaps a place even more toxic!
[At the school cafeteria, in the kitchen…]
EDITH: (recoils) Whoo! These leftovers got a kick. (Dumps the food in a big pot of radioactive leftovers) Oh, it's a powerful smell.
[As she left, Melvin and Poopypants appeared wearing radioactive suits and were near the leftovers. Poopypants checked the radiation on the leftovers, and it was off the charts.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (laughs) Back in business, baby!
[In different classes, George and Harold were getting gloomy without each other.]
MS. RIBBLE AND MR. RECTED: (in unison) Memorize these elements... Oxygen. Beryllium. Boringillium. Lameium. Snoronium.
[They looked out the window to see a giant toilet robot walking to the school.]
GEORGE AND HAROLD: (in unison) Excuse me, everybody, there's a giant...
MS. RIBBLE AND MR. RECTED: (in unison) Do not interrupt while I'm reading monotone from my textbook!
GEORGE AND HAROLD: (in unison) But the toilet!
MS. RIBBLE AND MR. RECTED: (in unison) Ugh. Just go.
[The two went to the bathroom, where they found each other.]
GEORGE: (surprised) Harold?
HAROLD: (surprised) George?
[They both get happy and as they start to hug each other, the ground shakes. Soon, they hear a woman screaming as the giant robot arrives near the school.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (on speaker) Students and faculty of Jerome Horwitz Elementary... 
[The two see the robot through the window.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (on speaker) ...the world, as you know it, is about to go extinct. And a new world order is about to rise! One that is, you know, honestly pretty similar to the old-world order... (turns two valves) except for one tiny detail...
[Soon, a hatch was opened and it pulled up a lightbulb-like machine with Melvin’s head attached to it.]
GEORGE: (shocked) Melvin?
MELVIN: (grins) Comin' atcha!
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (in the robot) Powered by Melvin's unique neurology, I will successfully disable the Hahaguffawchuckleamalus of every single child at Jerome Horwitz Elementary. (Outside the robot; on speaker) For I, Professor Poopypants...
[The kids laughed at the sound of his name.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (in the robot) Yeah, it's a funny name. (holds a remote) It just makes you laugh and laugh, right?!
[He pushed the button, and a ray blasts down on the students.]
GEORGE: (alert) Get down!
[The kids got down as the ray passed by and the students became glum zombies.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (on the robot’s hand) Still give you the chuckles now? Poopypants!
KIDS: (in unison; blankly) I don't get it. Why is that funny?
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (on the robot’s hand) Perfect!
MELVIN: (joyfully) Finally! You're speaking my language!
GEORGE: (horrified) Oh, no. This is bad. This is seriously bad. I mean, a world without laughter?
HAROLD: (Realized something) George, if he destroys our sense of humor, he destroys us! (Gasped) Imagine how boring our comics will be. 
[In their heads...]
HAROLD: (gloomy; voiceover) Captain Underpants and the Purchase of the Sensible Beige Pants.
GEORGE: (gloomy; voiceover) Captain Underpants Eats All of His Falafel.
HAROLD: (gloomy; voiceover) Captain Underpants Watches Cement Dry.
[Out of their heads, the boys screamed.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (on the robot’s hand as he holds the comic) And would the creators of this absolutely hilarious comic book please come out, come out, wherever you are. (Throws the comic book in the robot’s mouth) You're next!
[The robot then looks for the boys using his finger light.]
GEORGE: (scared) Okay, we have to stop him.
HAROLD: (thinking) We've gotta find a way to unplug Melvin.
GEORGE: (thinking) Yeah. But how do we get to him without Poopypants seeing us?
[Suddenly, Krupp enters and sees the boys together.]
KRUPP: (shocked) What are you two doing together?
[The boys looked at their fingers. They knew exactly who to stop Poopypants.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: Are you in there? Oh... Maybe you're hiding here. 
[The robot opens the school roof but finds Ms. Anthrope still on the phone.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (apologetically) Oh, sorry. Are you stuck on hold?
MS. ANTHROPE: (nods) Mmm-hmm.
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (understanding) Oh, totally hate when that happens. Well, good luck with that. (The robot closed the roof) Now, where are those two little...
UNDERPANTS: (appears at the window) Stand down, Poopypants!
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (confused) What is happening?
[The boys got outside near the glum zombies.]
HAROLD: (worried) I hope this works.
UNDERPANTS: (heroically) Tra-la-laaa!
[He jumped out of the window, but his cape was stuck.] 
UNDERPANTS: (in pain) Ow! Ow!
[The kids groan.]
UNDERPANTS: (his cape starts to rip off) Keep standing down. I’m just gonna be a second. (lands on the ground while yelling) Ow.
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (smirks) I bet he thought that was going to be cooler. (Jumps in his seat and enters the toilet’s head)
GEORGE: (shakes his head) Oh, boy. Here goes nothing.
[Soon, Captain Underpants jumps over the glum zombies.]
UNDERPANTS: (heroically) Ha-ha! Prepare to be vanquished... and justice to be served on a piping hot platter of freedom! 
[Inside the robot, the computer scanned Underpants’ brain which showed he has no strength, no agility, and no intelligence.]
UNDERPANTS: (offscreen) With a side order of liberty... and a super-sized cup filled with freedom also! 
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (sneers) Impressive use of fast-food analogies, you giant baby with a cape on! Let's do this.
[The robot went into battle mode and roared at Underpants which sent him into a wall. The robot was about to stomp on him with his spiked boots until...]
GEORGE: (comes in) Freeze! (the movie pauses; to the viewers) The following sequence contains scenes... that are so intense, horrific, and violent...
HAROLD: (to the viewers) And expensive. 
GEORGE: (to the viewers) ...that we can only show it using a technology known as... Flip-O-Rama! Take it away, Harold.
[We then see Harold’s sketch book with the first page of Underpants and the robot.]
HAROLD: (offscreen) Okay, first Professor Poopypants gave Captain Underpants the boot. (flips the page back and forth)
GEORGE: (offscreen) Foot! Foot! Ow!
HAROLD: (offscreen; moves to the next one) Then he made an Underpants sandwich. (flips the page back and forth)
GEORGE: (offscreen) Punch, punch! Punch, punch!
HAROLD: (offscreen; moves to the next one) And then, they played a friendly game of paddleball! (Accidentally rips a page) Oh, no! (Throws the ripped page away) Darn. Okay, what's next? (Checks the next page) Oh, yes! (Moves to the next one with dolphins) Then, Poopypants summoned an army of dolphins… 
GEORGE: (offscreen) Wait, what? Why are you always sneaking dolphins into the movie?
HAROLD: (offscreen) What do you have against dolphins anyway?
GEORGE: (offscreen) I don't have nothing against dolphins, it just didn't happen!
HAROLD: (offscreen; angrily) Well, so what?! We get to say what happened! It's the Flip-O-Rama! I like dolphins. The dolphins are in.
GEORGE: (offscreen) Fine, all right. Let's just keep going.
HAROLD: (offscreen) You sure?
GEORGE: (offscreen) Yep, positive.
HAROLD: (offscreen) Thank you. (moves to the next one) Anyway, Poopypants didn't realize it... (flips the page back and forth)
GEORGE: (offscreen) Quiet five, quiet five.
HAROLD: (offscreen) ...but George and Harold's plan was working out perfectly. (moves to the next page and flips it) So, they shot themselves to the top of the Turbo Toilet 2000! (moves to the next page and flips it) To keep things dramatic, they didn't quite make it. And then... And then...
[The book was empty as we fade to the two boys hanging on to the top of the robot.]
GEORGE: (shocked) What happened to the Flip-O-Rama?!
HAROLD: (frowns) I ran outta paper.
[They got themselves up on top of the toilet as, like Harold, Captain Underpants and the robot played a game of paddle ball but with Underpants as the ball.]
GEORGE: (calling out to Melvin) Hey, Melvin! Take that thing off your head. We gotta stop Poopypants!
MELVIN: (gasps) Professor Poopypants! George and Harold are trying to stop you!
HAROLD: (groans) You are just so annoying!
[Soon, the villain appears with the robot holding Underpants.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (sneers) So, you two little numbskulls thought you could distract me... with this idiotic, naked man. Am I right?
UNDERPANTS: (retorts) I'm not naked!
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (sneers) Any final words before this whole revenge thing goes down?
GEORGE: (gasp) Yeah, wait, wait. Listen. We apologize for making fun of your name. I mean, that was just wrong.
HAROLD: (apologetically) Yeah, we're sorry. The truth is, Professor P... you have probably, like, the greatest name we've ever heard. I mean, George, imagine if we had names like that.
GEORGE: (joyfully) Oh, that would be so cool! Okay, wait, let's do it. Let's try it. Oh, I would be Fluffy Toiletnose.
HAROLD: (joyfully) Yeah! I would be Sir Cheeseball Wafflefanny. (they laugh)
POOPYPANTS: (sarcastic) Yeah, sure. You're a knight.
GEORGE: (joyfully) This is so good! I wanna change mine. I'd be Buttcheeks von Stinkelsberg.
[They laugh while Melvin groans.]
UNDERPANTS: (while hanging) Stinkelsberg. (laughs)
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (annoyed) Yeah, those are all really silly names, but there's nothing funny about... Professor Pee-Pee Diarrheastein Poopypants Esquire!
HAROLD: (shocked) Sir, are you saying your full name is... Pee-Pee Diarrheastein Poopypants Esquire?
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (nods) Uh-huh.
[The two boys start laughing.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (angrily) Stop it! Stop laughing!
GEORGE: (reasoning) Come on! Listen, your problem isn't that people laugh at you. Your problem is that you can't laugh at yourself.
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (angrily) Oh, really, Oprah? Is that my problem? Well, your problem is this...
[He drops Captain Underpants into the toilet's mouth.]
BOTH: (horrified) No!
[Then, the mad scientist grabbed the two boys.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (evilly) Oh, I hope you enjoyed your years of laughter and merriment... because they're about to come to an end. 
[The robot fires a huge beam at the two boys.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (sneers) Do you find anything funny about me now?
GEORGE: (quizzically) You mean, other than your name? (he and Harold laugh)
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (angrily) Yes! Other than that! (increases the beam’s power)
HAROLD: (quizzically) And your hair?
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (hurt) What? My hair's cool, I thought.
GEORGE: (chuckles) Are you kidding me? That's almost as funny as my hair back in kindygarten! Remember that afro? (the boys continue to laugh)
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (shocked) No! No, this can't be happening! Computer, activate brain scan. [the screen shows George and Harold's brains] Let's see. The frontal lobes look big and healthy. The Hahaguffawchuckleamalus looks all shrimpy, so, what gives? 
[He turns the brains to the side, where the hahaguffawchuckleamaluses are huge.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (shocked) AAH! It can't be! Their Hahaguffawchuckleamaluses, they're enormous! I need more power. 
[He turned the dial up high, and the beam blasted heavily at the boys.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (quizzically) Anything strike you as funny now?
GEORGE: (grins) I'm sure we can think of something!
HAROLD: (frowns) George, I can't smile anymore.
GEORGE: (scared) No! Harold!
[George watches horrified as Harold becomes a glum zombie.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (sneers evilly) One down, und one to go. (cranks up the dial)
GEORGE: (scared) Harold....
[George loses consciousness. Somewhere in their minds of the two boys...]
GEORGE'S BRAIN: (to the sleeping brain of Harold) Harold. Harold, can you hear me? Harold!
HAROLD'S BRAIN: (wakes up) George! George, is that you?
GEORGE'S BRAIN: (scared) Right here, buddy.
[Their funny lobes start shrinking.]
HAROLD'S BRAIN: (scared) What's happening?
GEORGE'S BRAIN: (panicking) We're shrinking! Now, if we don't laugh at something soon, we may never laugh again.
HAROLD'S BRAIN: [panicking] Oh, no! What do we do? What do we do? What do we do?
GEORGE'S BRAIN: (scared) Well, we have to think of something funny, okay?
HAROLD'S BRAIN: (scared) Okay, yeah, sure. Something funny.
[They tried to think of something funny.]
GEORGE'S BRAIN: (quizzically) Anything?
HAROLD'S BRAIN: (frowns) No, I got nothing.
GEORGE'S BRAIN: (frowns) Me neither. 
[They shrink even more.]
GEORGE'S BRAIN: (panicking) More shrinkage!
HAROLD'S BRAIN: (panicking) Okay, okay. What did we use to find funny?
GEORGE'S BRAIN: (tries to think of something) Mostly potty humor. Poop, vomit, that kind of thing.
HAROLD'S BRAIN: (dismayed) Really? (shrinks down) Ugh. That is, like, the lowest form of comedy.
GEORGE'S BRAIN: (scared) Don't you say that, Harold! Don't you leave me!
[Outside of George and Harold's heads...]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (on speaker) Attention everyone! Poopypants here with a little update on the Poopageddon. Due to the success of my plan thus far... I've decided to wipe out laughter on the entire planet. After that, you know, I'll probably move on to other planets... Jupiter, Mars... can't forget Uranus!
[Back in their heads...]
GEORGE'S BRAIN: (hearing this) Wait. Did he just say...
[At that moment, George and Harold know that word from when they first met as little kids.]
YOUNG HAROLD: (quietly) Your anus. (laughs)
YOUNG GEORGE: (quietly) I know!
[At that moment, their brains laugh which makes their Hahaguffawchuckleamaluses grow back to their original size.]
GEORGE'S BRAIN: (while laughing) Uranus! 
[Outside of their heads...] 
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (on speaker) Yeah, and once I'm through with the gas giants... I figure I'll go after the other galaxies... (hears the two laughing) What?! (Drops the mic and sees the two)
GEORGE: (while laughing) It feels so good to laugh!
[The immense power of their laughter starts to make the robot short circuit.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (panicking) No, stop it! Stop laughing! You're ruining everything!
MELVIN: (scared) Yikes! Extra credit or survival? Extra credit or survival? (screams) I choose survival!
[He bails out and the light bulb explodes, restoring the students back to their non-gloomy shelves. Back inside the glitched robot, the screen now showed toilet paper.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (nervously) Uh-oh!
[The robot starts to go haywire and fires a roll of toilet paper across the neighborhood which makes every student start celebrating. Melvin, however, got crushed by one of the other rolls.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (in horror) No, how could this be happening?
GEORGE: (joyfully) Never underestimate the power of laughter, Poopypants!
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (annoyed) Oh, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
[The robot then shoots loads of toilet paper rolls in the sky till he does the splits causing him to fall down. One of the hands lets go of George.]
GEORGE: (joyfully) Harold! Harold, we did it! Harold?
HAROLD: (moans) I think I bruised a rib. (joyfully) Because I've never laughed so hard in my life!
[Suddenly, Poopypants kicks the handle off and holds his Sizerator pointing at the boys. He fired it and they dodged it while the beam made the sign small.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (angrily) Oh, we'll see who's laughing once I shrink you down… (shrinks a toilet paper roll) here you will live in my pocket forever, amongst my cherry-flavored lip balm... (the gang hides behind a car but the car was shrunk) my butterscotch-flavored lip balm... 
HAROLD: (picks up the shrunken car) Oh, neato!
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (they hide behind a tree) My mint-flavored lip balm… (he shrinks the tree) my extra-moisturized SPF lip balm... and all of my lip balms!
[He throws all his lip balms in the air and blasts them, making them big and trapping the gang like a cage.]
GEORGE: (confused) Why does one person have so much lip balm?
HAROLD: (calling out) Help!
GEORGE: (calling out) Help!
HAROLD: (calling out) Please, anyone! Help!
GEORGE: (calling out) Help!
[Meanwhile, inside the robot’s mouth, Underpants seems to be alive when he eats the radioactive leftovers causing him to gain powers. Outside...]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (evilly) Ooh, I hope you can find tiny enough pens... to make your small, little comic books with... 'cause you're about to get smallified!
[The waistband warrior burst out of the green water, now with superpowers, abs, and muscles.]
UNDERPANTS: (heroically) Tra-la-laa! I feel... (turns back to normal but still flies) awesome!
HAROLD: (amazed) No way!
GEORGE: (amazed) He has real superpowers!
HAROLD: (amazed) Oh, that is an obvious twist that I did not see coming... despite my many years of comic book studies! (High-fives George)
UNDERPANTS: (heroically) I have come to save the day!
STUDENTS: (cheering) Yay!
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (evilly) Yeah, and I've come to ruin it! So... (Fires the gun at him but Underpants dodged it) back off, buddy! 
STUDENTS: (bummed out) Aww.
[Captain Underpants got in the sky and fired his underwear at the mad genius.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (disgusted) Ew, that's gross!
UNDERPANTS: (amazed) Oh, there's more where that came from. (Keeps firing his underwear) Monday! Tuesday! Wednesday! Thursday!
HAROLD: (joyfully) Ha-ha! Unlimited underpants!
GEORGE: (joyfully) I am so glad that we gave him that superpower!
[He fired his underwear at his hand, which released his gun.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (in horror) My Sizerator!
UNDERPANTS: (grabs the gun) Well, it's mine now!
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (sadly) Alas! The final failure for Professor Poopypants.
UNDERPANTS: (checks the gun) Hmm. What does this button do?
[He then accidentally fires the gun at Poopypants to be giant.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (grins evilly) Well, hello down there!
BOTH: (shocked) No!
UNDERPANTS: (oblivious) Must be holding it backwards. 
[He fired the gun at himself, which made him small and lose the gun.]
UNDERPANTS: (while shrunken) Yup. That was it.
GEORGE: (dismayed) Wow. He is super dumb.
[The gun landed near the two as Harold reached his hand to the gun.]
HAROLD: (tries to reach it) I can't reach.
UNDERPANTS: (while shrunken) Time to take you down once and for all, Poopypants!
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (annoyed) Buzz off! (flicks Captain Underpants away)
[Soon, Underpants cuts through the lip balms and freed the boys but landed on the ground as well.]
GEORGE: (holds the gun) Captain Underpants! Fly over here so we can make you big again!
UNDERPANTS: (while shrunken) Crackerjack idea. (Lands on Harold’s finger)
HAROLD: (concerned) George, just don't...
[Unfortunately, George fired the gun, making Harold’s hand grow big.]
HAROLD: (dismayed) No!
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (sneers) Ha-ha! Give him a big hand for that one, everybody!
HAROLD: (serious) Get him.
[George sets the gun to smallify and fires the gun at him, but he accidentally shrinks the school.]
GEORGE: (sheepishly) Whoops. (sets the gun down)''
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (holds the shrunken school) Look what I've got. A tiny school filled with tiny children... and their tiny teachers whose tiny salaries... reflect their size and also... the value society puts on education.
UNDERPANTS: (grabs the school) I'll take that!
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (turns his attention to the gun) Oh! Then I'll take that! 
[Harold slaps the giant man with his huge hand.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (in pain) Ow! Did you just slap me?
HAROLD: (angrily) Yes, I did. And you deserved it.
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (angrily) No, I didn't! Your hand is huge! That hurt a lot! Give it back, it's mine! (grabs the gun)
HAROLD: (grabs the gun as well) No! Hands off!
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (angrily) No fair! No backsies!
HAROLD: (fights over the gun) Give it to me!
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (fights over the gun) Would you just give me that? 
[Harold accidentally shrinks Poopypants’ head.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (Screams) Now look what you've done!
HAROLD: (fights over the gun) Give it!
[Soon, the gun was launched in the air and fired randomly at various things like a man walking a dog, a blue bird hanging on the phone lines, a woman’s house where the pizza man was about to ring the doorbell. The gun then blasted a few shots at George.]
HAROLD: (slow motion) George!
[Harold blocked one of the shots with his huge hand which returned to normal. He gets the gun then shrinks Poopypants down…]
GEORGE: (grabs Poopypants) Gotcha!
[…and restored Underpants and the school back to normal size.]
UNDERPANTS: (while lifting up the school) Yeah, that's more like it! 
[Harold puts the gun on the ground and jumps on it, causing it to be crushed.]
UNDERPANTS: (while lifting up the school) Nice work, sidekicks! I'll just put this back down right here.
HAROLD: (panics) No, no, no! Captain Underpants...
[He puts the school in the wrong position.]
UNDERPANTS: (satisfied) There we go. Back to normal... like it never happened.
GEORGE: (sees Poopypants gone in his hand) Oh, no, where'd he go?
[Suddenly, Poopypants was now riding a bee.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (in high-pitched voice; riding a bee) You'll never catch me! You can't stop Professor Poopypants!
[They try to catch him.]
HAROLD: (tries to grab him) Get back here!
GEORGE: (tries to grab him) I can't reach!
[But the bee was too quick.]
HAROLD: (ordering Underpants) Get him, Captain Underpants!
UNDERPANTS: (scared) A bee! Get away from me!
[He swats Poopypants away, sending him flying.]
PROF. POOPYPANTS: (in high-pitched voice; flies away) I'm free!
GEORGE: (dismayed) What? What the... Why would you do that?! You just let the bad guy get away!
UNDERPANTS: (smiles) Come on, guys. Pretty sure the bee wasn't the bad guy.
[Soon, the cops arrived.]
OFFICER: (shocked) What the heck happened here?
[Captain Underpants flies off with the boys.]
UNDERPANTS: (to the officer) You're welcome, peace keeper!
HAROLD: (shushes Underpants) Would you keep it down?
[The bird lands on the school and roars at the policemen which makes them run away from the bird. At the treehouse, Captain Underpants was reading one of the duo’s comic books.]
UNDERPANTS: (joyfully) Did not see that coming! Take that, Doctor Diaper!
GEORGE: (smiles softly) I can't believe we made him.
HAROLD: (smiles softly) And he's even dumber in real life.
UNDERPANTS: (joyfully sees the dolphin drawings) Oh! Look! Little dolphins!
HAROLD: (sadly sighs) We have to get rid of him, don't we?
GEORGE: (sadly) I think we do. I mean, he's a way bigger problem than Mr. Krupp ever was.
[They look at the Mr. Krupp drawing on the dartboard.]
HAROLD: (sadly) But, you know, George... bringing back Krupp permanently... we'll never be in the same class again.
GEORGE: (sadly) Yeah, I know. But just 'cause we're in separate classes, doesn't mean we can't be friends...
HAROLD: (sadly) Well, yeah. I mean, we'll always be friends. Right?
GEORGE: (smiles) Yeah. Hey, in fact, you know what? Let's do a blood oath. But minus the blood. I don't wanna see the blood. No blood. 
HAROLD: (holds up his pinky) Pinky swear?
GEORGE: (frowns) No, that's lame. Mmm-mmm.
HAROLD: (gets an idea) Oh, got it! (spits into his hand)
GEORGE: (disgusted) Oh, no. What? No! That's not sanitary. Can't we just do a verbal declaration of friendship or something?
HAROLD: (sheepishly) Oh. Okay. Yeah, wow. (Rubs the spit off with his shirt) I haven't really prepared anything, but... (clears his throat) I, Harold... hereby declare George as my best friend, permanently, forever.
GEORGE: (pledging) And I, George, accept the permanent rights... that Harold has given me to be his best friend forever... and the constitution of friends...
HAROLD: (pledging) America, friendship.
GEORGE: (pledging) And the United States of America.
HAROLD: (pledging) Land and the United States. Good, okay, yeah.
GEORGE: (smiles) It's done. All right, cool.
HAROLD: (relieved) Phew. What a relief.
GEORGE: (relieved) Yeah, no kidding. I mean, why were we even worried... about that whole classroom thing in the first place?
HAROLD: (smiles) You know, I don't know. We were younger then. Clearly, we have grown.
GEORGE: (smiles) Clearly, we have.
UNDERPANTS: (thankful) Chums! Thank you for chronicling my surprisingly grounded biography. The truth is a slippery thing. And you nailed it. (Laughs and rubs their heads as he gets up) Now it is time to fly again! Farewell, my dear sidekicks.
GEORGE: (pulls out the hypno ring) Goodbye, Captain Underpants.
HAROLD: (sadly) Goodbye.
[George drops the ring on the ground and stomps on it, causing the effects of the ring to be removed.]
MR. KRUPP: (blabbering and then shudders) George! Harold! (Shudders again) What am I doing in your tree house again? (falls out of the treehouse and gasps) You boys are in big trouble! (Gets up all Stammering-like) I don’t know how big yet… (backs up and gets jump-scared by a chair) Why does this keep happening?! Where are my clothes?! (runs off) Where are they?!
GEORGE: (confused) I don't get it. Why is Krupp so angry and Captain Underpants so happy?
HAROLD: (sadly) Maybe it's because Captain Underpants had us. You know, he had friends.
GEORGE: (gets an idea) We could fix that.
HAROLD: (smiles) Yeah, you know, we could.
GEORGE: (to the audience) So that's how we came to pull the rarest prank of all... 
[At the school, Krupp was checking his mail while the boys saw the prank they pulled.]
GEORGE: (to the audience) The prank... for good.
KRUPP: (sees something) Huh? 
[Mr. Krupp sees a pink letter with his name on it. He opened it and it had a heart shaped letter saying…]
KRUPP: (reads the letter) “Do you want to go on a date?” (Spits a donut out of his mouth) A date?! (Opens the heart letter and reads more) “Love, Edith.”
[In the cafeteria...]
EDITH: (reads the letter) "Principal Krupp." Oh! Benjamin Krupp, you sly dog.
[Back to Krupp, he is almost happy.]
KRUPP: (happily) Edith, the lunch lady.
[As he was about to walk out, the boys passed by him.]
GEORGE: (quizzically) Big plans tonight, Mr. Krupp?
KRUPP: (gets jump-scared) No! What? That’s none of your business! (clears his throat) But, if you must know… yeah, I actually do. (chuckles and gives them the comics out of a dumpster) By the way, I was tidying up my office and I believe these belong to you…
HAROLD: (happily) Our comics?
GEORGE: (quizzically) Did you just pull that out of the garbage can?
KRUPP: (smiles) Well, I read them... and considering they're completely implausible, juvenile... and filled with the lowest form of wit... potty humor... they're actually pretty funny. (Walks away joyfully) See ya later!
[He jumped for joy in the hallways as he got a date with Edith, which was set up by the boys.]
HAROLD: (smiles) Well, how about that...
[That night, the giant Turbo Toilet 2000 was thrown away into a Toilet Recycling Center which was next door to a restaurant called “It’s Amore!” where the boys see Edith having a date with Mr. Krupp.]
EDITH: (laughs) That's a good one.
GEORGE: (sighs) You know, it feels good to do something nice for Mr. Krupp.
HAROLD: (smiles) Yeah, you know what? It does.
GEORGE: (then) Promise we'll never do it again.
HAROLD: (smiles) Promise.
[In the restaurant…]
EDITH: (admiring Krupp’s handsome face) Oh, my! I've never been to such a fancy restaurant before.
KRUPP: (smiles) Well, I had to go all out for m'lady. (chuckles)
EDITH: (lovingly) Okay, if you say so, my man!
[Back with George and Harold...]
GEORGE: (to the audience) Once again, that brings our story to its happy conclusion.
HAROLD: (to the audience) I think there's some valuable life lessons in there... somewhere. (sees something) What the?
[Suddenly, the toilets came to life by the radioactive leftovers as they chant “Yum, yum, eat ‘em up!”.]
GEORGE: (shocked) You gotta be kidding me! No!
[In the restaurant, a man got eaten up by a toilet.]
EDITH: (scared) Oh no!
KRUPP: (scared) Waiter! Check please! 
[He snaps his fingers which causes him to take off his clothes and grab the tablecloth as a cape.]
EDITH: (lovingly) Principal Krupp!
[Soon, George and Harold are surrounded by the talking toilets.]
GEORGE AND HAROLD: (scared) Oh no!
GEORGE: (scared) Help!
[They were rescued by Captain Underpants who burst through the window and flew out with the two boys hanging onto his cape.]
UNDERPANTS: (as he flies) Hang on, sidekicks!
GEORGE: (shocked) I don't get it! I really thought breaking that ring would get rid of his powers!
[Captain Underpants charged through the toilets.]
HAROLD: (shocked) Yeah, well, here we go again!
[He flies high to the sky while saying his epic catchphrase.]
UNDERPANTS: (heroically) Tra-la-laa!
[The movie cuts to the main title of the film. Roll credits. During the credits, George and Harold notice Ms. Anthrope is still on the phone while sleeping.]
GEORGE: (notices) Wait.
HAROLD: (amazed) No way!
GEORGE: (amazed) She's been on hold for, like, the whole movie. Come on, come on. 
[He gets back on the phone.]
GEORGE: (on phone) Hello. (Anthrope wakes up) Thank you for holding. How can I help...
[The phone hangs up and Ms. Anthrope snaps.]
MS. ANTHROPE: (outraged) NOOOOO!!!
[The scene transitions to a comic book cover. The title is "Captain Underpants and the Attack of Stuck On-Hold Woman." Resume credits. After the credits, the movie ends.]
Category:Transcripts
Category:DreamWorks Animation Transcripts
Category:20th Century Fox Transcripts
Category:Universal Studios Transcripts