A Twist of Rodent/Script

==Script==
*[Glasses Duck is polishing a table. He looks down and sees his reflection in it.]
*Glasses Duck: Nice. Putting one's shoulder to the wheel surely has its rewards.
*[He looks around his backyard, where everywhere can be seen polished wood.]
*Glasses Duck: here. Refinished, rejuvenated, and reusable.
*[Glasses Duck spots something odd on the ground and hurries over to it.]
*Glasses Duck: What's this? [He picks up a tube of lipstick.] Strange. Now what could a lipstick dispenser be doing in my yard? [A fearful idea strikes him.] Oh my.
*[Glasses Duck, scared, looks around. Out of nowhere, Gloria Duck pounces on him.]
*Gloria Duck: Yahoo!
*Glasses Duck: [as Gloria Duck grabs the lipstick that was tossed in the air] Puleah!
*Gloria Duck: [after tying Glasses Duck in a knot] Hiya, dreamboat! [applying lipstick] Pucker up, oven mitt!
*Glasses Duck: No! Please! You wouldn't dare!
*[Lamb Wick pours himself a bowl of Schneck Puffs. He tries to eat it with his right hand. Finding this unsatisfactory, he tries his tongue. He looks at the bowl, thinking hard.]
*Lamb Wick: Spoon, please!
*[Lamb Wick rushes into the kitchen and searches in a drawer for a spoon. He pulls out a spatula. As this is not what he wanted, he tosses it away. He then pulls out a beater and disgards it as well. He eventually pulls out Flora Lamb and throws her away. He burrows into the drawer.]
*Lamb Wick: Hello? Hello? [He finds the spoon.] Thank you, spoon!
*Flora Lamb: [hugging him] A big hug for my honey! [drags Lamb Wick back as the spoon falls onto the floor]
*[In the spoon's reflection, we can see Flora Lamb about to kiss Lamb Wick.]
*Flora Lamb: Put those lips together and make like a fish!
*Lamb Wick: Girl germs!
----
*[An alarm clock goes off. Rodent Dog rises sleepily and yawns. He goes to take a shower. Inside, he is slumped against the shower wall, exhausted. The shower fills with water, and he wakens. He sees a great clump of hair stuck in the drainpipe. He yanks it out, and Kate Dog appears in her swimsuit and wearing goggles.]
*Rodent Dog: [suddenly lucid] Kinder!
*[Rodent Dog's hand presses against the shower door and slides down as Kate Dog chortles evilly.]
----
*[Glasses Duck, with a kiss-smeared face, runs through the junkyard. He leaps into the retro van and slams the door. He peers out the window, and the lipstick-stained faces of Rodent Dog and Lamb Wick look out with him.]
*Rodent Dog: What? You too?
*Glasses Duck: A ball of yarn in the claws of rapture, I'm afraid!
*Rodent Dog: What's with those stupid Kankers? Why can't they just leave us alone? [He climbs into the back and sits on the waterbed. A horrible stench emanates from his armpits.]
*Glasses Duck: GOOD GOLLY ALMIGHTY! WHAT IS THAT HORRIBLE ODOR? LAMB WICK?
*Lamb Wick: Not I, Glasses Duck. Talk to mister stinkpot.
*Rodent Dog: Hey, I had a Kinder hairball stuck in my shower!
*Glasses Duck: Calm down, Rodent Dog! I'm sure if we put our two and a half heads together we–
*Rodent Dog: YOU THINK OF SOMETHING, SMART GUY!
*Glasses Duck: [scared] Sssh! [He climbs into the back and lies on the waterbed, trying to solve the problem.]
*Rodent Dog: So? [Not receiving a response, he proceeds to pound on the car while chanting "think."] Think! Think! Think! Think! [Lamb Wick joins in]
*Lamb Wick and Rodent Dog: Think think think think think think think think think think... [Lamb Wick starts pounding on the horn as he shouts] ...think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think thi–
*Glasses Duck: VERY WELL THEN!
*Rodent Dog And it better be good.
*[Glasses Duck climbs out the back of the van and heads off, thinking all the way.]
*Rodent Dog: Where ya goin? [He and Lamb Wick follow.]
----
*[Butter Horse is at the end of the lane, standing next to two rocks. One of the rocks is large; the other one, small. Rolf picks up the small rock and raises it over his head.]
*Butter Horse: SLAHORN! [He brings the rock down on the larger rock, smashing it to pebbles while leaving the small one intact. Glasses Duck goes over and picks up one of the pebbles.]
*Rodent Dog: You're on to something, aren'tcha? Oh, I know! Don't tell me. We hit 'em with a rock, and– [he realizes] T--That's stupid! I could've thought of that! [Rodent Dog is alone.] Now where'd ya go?
----
*[Further down the lane, Butter Horse marks an X on another rock. He brings the small rock over his head again.]
*Butter Horse: SLAHORN! [He starts to bring the rock down, but has to stop suddenly; Lamb Wick is in the way.]
*Lamb Wick: What is with the rock, Butter Horse?
*Butter Horse: Hello, Bundt cake for brain Rodent-boy. Butter Horse is using this smaller rock to crush this bigger rock.
*Lamb Wick: Bundt cake crushes rock?
*Butter Horse: No, only rock will break rock.
*Glasses Duck: [inspiration striking] By George, that's the answer!
*Lamb Wick: [with a slice of pizza] Pizza slice breaks rock?
*Butter Horse: [frustrated at Lamb Wick's inability to comprehend something this simple] Rodent-boy! No pizza, ROCK!
*Lamb Wick: [replaces the pizza with a soft pretzel] Half-eaten pretzel bagel breaks rock?
*Butter Horse: [irate and about to hit Ed in the head with the rock] MUST BUTTER HORSE BEAT SOME SENSE INTO THAT OVERCOOKED NOODLE THAT YOU CALL A HEAD?!
*Glasses Duck: Butter Horse! [He vigorously shakes Butter Horse's hand.] Thank you for being an unlikely source of inspiration. [Lamb Wick steals Butter Horse's rock.]
*Lamb Wick [running after Glasses Duck] I'm a noodlehead and you're not! [Lamb Wick throws the rock into the air, and it comes down on Rolf's head.]
*Butter Horse: Butter Horse too yearns the simple life as a noodlehead.
----
*Glasses Duck: Rodent Dog! I've formed a solution to our Kinder dilemma! Because only a rock can break a rock!"
*Rodent Dog: [angry] You spent all this time thinking and that's what you came up with!?!?!?
*Glasses Duck: [tired] It's just an analogy, Rodent Dog. Rock breaks rock, fight fire with fire? We use reverse psychology! [He pulls out a book on the subject.]
*Rodent Dog: Oh, I getcha! We hit 'em with a book! That's a good one.
*Glasses Duck: Perhaps a demonstration will help clarify things. Lamb Wick! Listen carefully, now. Do not eat that dirt.
*[Lamb Wick laughs, finding the suggestion easy to resist. Yet only a few seconds later, his eyes flicker to the dirt. Moments after that, he is on the ground, eating it.]
*Rodent Dog: What an idiot! I thought you said not to eat the dirt.
*Glasses Duck: That's reverse psychology, Rodent Dog! In order to defeat our enemy, we must become our enemy.
----
*[Flora Lamb hits the ground with a black eye.]
*Gloria Duck: Hey, May, can I borrow your barrette? [She takes a hairpin from Flora Lamb's hair.] My cutie pie's gonna love my new hairdo. [Lee enters the fight, sending Marie into May and taking the barrette.]
*Kate Dog: Oh no you don't. I need it for my hair.
*Gloria Duck: I saw it first!
*Kate Dog: Is that so?
*[The sisters brawl. In the background, Glasses Duck lowers Lamb Wick from a tree and sets him on the ground. Lamb Wick goes up to the Kankers.]
*Lamb Wick: I belch you good day, ladies.
*[The Kinders stop fighting.]
*Kate Dog: Look, girls. Big Rodent's come for a visit.
*Gloria Duck: What a koinkydink. I was just thinking about you.
*Flora Lamb: Back off! He's mine.
*Kate Dog: I say we split him up three ways, huh girls?
*[Glasses Duck and Rodent Dog watch from the tree.]
*Rodent Dog: [scared for his friend] You better be sure about this, or Lamb Wick's a goner!
*Glasses Duck: [confident] "Have faith in the science of the mind, Rodent Dog.
*Kate Dog: I say, on the count of three, we jump him. Ready?
*Lamb Wick: ME! [A long pause.] You look very pretty today. [He ruffles her hair.]
*Flora Lamb: [blushing] Oh, gee. You're making me break out in a rash, big Lamb Wick.
*Kate Dog: He's so good looking.
*Gloria Duck: In a weird kinda way.
*Lamb Wick: Let's mambo!
*[Lamb Wick grabs Lee and Marie and crashes them together. He takes their right hands and places them on his hip, where he tapes them. He then grabs their left hands in his right.]
*Kate Dog: Slow down, Casanova! We ain't cooked you dinner yet.
*[The dance begins. Lamb Wick dances violently with them. He then reaches down and pulls out some dandelions with his teeth, which he proffers to his partners. Lamb Wick dances with them, even though Kate Dog and Gloria Duck grow more scared by the second. An abrupt turn saves the sisters; the tape comes loose, and they fly away. Lamb Wick then turns to Flora Lamb.]
*Lamb Wick: Flora I have your hand in carriage? [He stuffs Flora Duck's hand in his mouth.]
*Flora Lamb: [a little afraid] What're you talking about, Lamb Wick?
*Kate Dog: [next to her sisters] This guy's beginning to creep me out. Back off, mister!
*[Kate Dog shoves Lamb Wick away. Glasses Duck watches gleefully.]
*Glasses Duck: Rodent Dog, look! It's beginning to work!
*Rodent Dog: It is? See? What'd I tell ya?
*[Lamb Wick gets up.]
*Flora Lamb: What's he up to now?
*Lamb Wick: [with a hat full of candy] A treat for my sweets? [He approaches, and they back away.] Okay! Let's pitch some woo! [He puts the hat on and puckers up. The Kinders back up all the way to the water's edge.]
*Gloria Duck: Kate, do something!
*Kate Dog: I'm on it, Gloria! 
*[Kate throws Flora into the water and climbs on her. Her yellow hair keeps them afloat, and Kate uses Flora to paddle across the creek and into the woods.]
*Rodent Dog: [leaping on Lamb Wick] Lamb Wick, you did it! You're a masher, and I ain't talkin' potatoes, either. Let's reverse psycho-whatever the store into giving us some free jawbreaker.
*Glasses Duck: We're not done yet, Rodent Dog.
*Rodent Dog: [surprised] Not done?
*Glasses Duck: No, Rodent Dog! In order to ensure ourselves of a Kinder-free future, the three of us must strike while the iron is hot.
*Rodent Dog: No way! I'll wait for the movie.
*Glasses Duck: Lamb Wick, please don't get Rodent Dog.
*[Lamb Wick waits for a few seconds before, seemingly involuntarily, his legs start to churn and he takes off after Rodent Dog.]
*Rodent Dog: [running away] Leave me alone! I don't wanna! Go away!
----
*[A Kinder locks the door to their trailer.]
*Flora Lamb: What just happened there?
*Kate Dog: Mom was right. Throw a man a bone, and he'll mess up the carpet.
*Glasses Duck: [appearing seemingly out of nowhere] Welcome home, my dainty dowdy darlings! I have freshly laundered socks for each of my contemptuous cupcakes! [A bell rings in the kitchen.]
*Lamb Wick: And I made my chicks pancakes! [The pancakes are heart shaped.] Ketchup? [He draws on the food.] See? I love you. [He has drawn an eye, a heart, and a "U", reading diagonally.] A poet I am.
*Kate Dog: These guys are creeping me out! [They head up the stairs as Lamb Wick waves with a half-eaten pancake.]
*Flora Lamb: Let's hide in our room!
*Gloria Duck: Wait up, girls!
*Rodent Dog: [scared] "Uh-oh." [He tries to hold the door shut. The Kinders charge through the door and slam it shut, unaware of the dazed Rodent Dog on the ther side.]
*Glasses Duck: Surprise, surprise! [He is in the room as well, and has labeled everything.] Love knows no bounds, turtledoves. While labeling all the personal items in your boudoir, I took the liberty of planning a more ergonomic arrangement to our love nest.
*[The Kinders burst off the door with Rodent Dog still on it as the race out of the room, scared out of their minds.]
*Gloria Duck: They're so suffocating!
*Flora Lamb: Make 'em go away, Kate!
*Kate Dog: That's it, I'm calling the cops! [She picks up the phone, which is on top of Lamb Wick's lipsticked head.]
*Lamb Wick: Dial me for love! [attemps to smooch the Kinders]
*[Kate Dog slams the phone down, and the sisters rush the front door. They claw at the screen desperately. One of them finally grasps the handle and opens the door only to find Glasses Duck just outside with a flower.]
*Glasses Duck: [pulling off petals] She loves me. She loves me also.
*The Kinders: AAAH! [They run the other way and meet Rodent Dog.]
*Rodent Dog, Kate Dog, Flora Lamb, Gloria Duck: AAAAAAAAHHHH! [The Kinders do an about face and run into a closet.]
*Lamb Wick: [inside with them] It's dark! [He cackles.]
*The Kinders: AAAAAHHH! [They break out and huddle together on the sofa.]
*Glasses Duck: Care to snuggle under my blanket of amour?
*The Kinders: AAAAH! [They leap off the couch.]
*Glasses Duck: [to Rodent Dog, who is huddled in a plant] I haven't had this much fun since father let me disassemble his shaver. [pulling out a bouquet] Here, Rodent Dog. It's your turn.
----
*[Glasses Duck pushes Rodent Dog towards the Kinders, who are huddled in a corner.]
*Glasses Duck: [whispering] Go on, Glasses Duck. Show no mercy. Make them never bother us again.
*Rodent Dog: [nervous, his knees knocking] Um, so, yeah...um...
*[A drop of sweat rolls off his brow and plops on the floor. Kate Dog notices, and points this out to her sisters. They grin evilly, and only pretend to be scared by Rdoent Dog.]
*Kate Dog: [hopping away] Oh, you scare us!
*Flora Lamb: You're so gross.
*Gloria Duck: [following her sisters] Eeek.
*Rodent Dog: [amazed at his apparent success] Ha! They couldn't take the ol' Rodent Dog charm. Can't blame 'em, though. I'm too much for even myself.
*Lamb Wick: You're Rodent Dog! Babe magnet to the, um...babes!
*Rodent Dog: Let's hit on 'em again!
----
*Rodent Dog: [kicking the Kinders' bedroom door open] No use runnin', you know you want me. C'mon, quit playing hard to get! [Glasses Duck follows him. Lamb Wick enters. When the Rodents are standing in the middle of the room, Lee slams the door shut and locks it.]
*Kate Dog: Uh-oh, looks like we're trapped. Just prisoners of love. [She drops the key into her shirt.]
*Rodent Dog: Check this out, boys. [He approaches Kate Dog.] Okay, toots, it's smoochin' time!
*Kate Dog: [sarcastic] Ooh, yuck, germs! Leave us alone! [Glasses Duck watches, realizing the game has changed.]
*Lamb Wick: Click click. [Suddenly, a hand reaches out and drags Lamb Wick towards the closet.]
*Flora Lamb: [peeking out] Oops! You found me. Don't come any closer!
*Lamb Wick: You are a sneaky bunny. [Flora Lamb pulls him into the closet.] Holy schmoly!
*Glasses Duck: [frantically flipping through the book] Something's not right here! [Gloria Duck's head appears between the pages.] Gloria?
*Gloria Duck: Don't kiss me, Glasses Duck! [She begins moving towards him.]
*Glasses Duck: [backing up] This can't be! They've turned the tables on us, Rodent Dog! IT'S A REVERSE-REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY!
*[Glora Duck grabs Glasses Duck and gets ready to kiss. Around the room, her sisters do the same.]
*Lamb Wick and Rodent Dog: WE ARE TOO YOUNG!!! AAH!!!
Category:Transcripts