Singing with the Stringfellows

"Singing with the Stringfellows" is the third episode of Staying with the Stringfellows. It is a musical episode written by JustInCaseTheDingusRunsAway and Joe Biden. In this episode, Ken's sexual misconduct allegations lead to the breakup of his band and marriage.
==Song list==
*"Get Out, Ken!" - performed by , and 
*"Ken Did an Oopsie" - performed by Ken & Kaitlyn Stringfellow, Ken Chan, Vorefellow & Director
*"Please Return It" - performed by Ken & Kaitlyn Stringfellow, Vorefellow & Chorus
*"Reveal Love" - performed by Ken Stringfellow
*"Reveal Love" (Reprise) - performed by The Original Broadway Cast of Singing with the Stringfellows
==Transcript==
[The episode starts with a crowd cheering, as curtains open on a theatre stage to reveal(!) a set that resembles a tour bus. and are standing on the left, looking down upon a saddened Ken Stringfellow.]
Ken Stringfellow: [on his knees] Please, I’m begging you, give me one more chance!
[Naturally, they immediately break out into song.]
Jon Auer: There’s no way out of this one, Ken, I’ve had it with you
You can dream all day of touring but it’s it, we’re through!
Over the decades, you’ve brought me such joy in my life
But now it’s just strife, move to Paris with your wife!
[Jon turns to the audience, now wearing a fake moustache:]
Jon: [spoken] Oui-oui!
Frankie The Drummer: I looked up to you, you were my idol
Now what you did makes me feel suicidal
I took down all your posters from my wall.
You’re an amazing disgrace, from fame you shall fall…
Jon and Frankie: [harmonising] Get out, Ken! We don’t need you no more!
You wrote all the songs, but you broke all the laws!
Jon: I’m sick and tired of always showing dedication…
Frankie: When you’re out here giving women their “Daily Mutilation”!
Ken: I’m sorry for what I’ve done, but I think you’ll need my singing…
Jon: Don’t apologise to us, apologise to those poor women!
Ken: It’s all lies, Jon! What happened to the bro code?
Believe your fellow Posie before believing what the hoes told!
[Jon and Frankie surround Ken.]
Frankie: You make me sick!
Jon: You Hellish prick!
Frankie: Suck my dick!
Ken: Okay, I’ll lick.
[Jon moves Ken’s mouth away from Frankie.]
Jon: Get away from Frankie and get away from me! We’re done for!
You scrawny little man-whore! The Posies Are. Done. Foooorrrrr!
[The music comes to a triumphant climax and the audience applauds and cheers as sad piano music plays. The set starts to change, with Jon and Frankie hopping on a carriage that takes them off stage, with Ken desperately following them to no avail, ending up on the back of the stage. The lighting dims and members of the crew, obscured by the dark and some smoke, add a door in front of a shrugging Ken, who stays behind the door as both Ken Chan, who is washing dishes in a sink placed on the stage by yet another crew member, and Vorefellow appear on stage. Vorefellow sits his fat ass on a couch.]
Vorefellow: Augh, I’m so full.
[The audience laughs, before Ken comes in, violently opening the door.]
Ken: I did not bite her! It’s not true, it’s bullshit! I did not touch her! I did not! Oh, hi Vorefellow.
[Kaitlyn Stringfellow arrives on the scene, leaping into Ken’s arms and swooning.]
Kaitlyn: Oh, honey! I was so worried… what brings you home this early? Aren’t you on tour with Frankie-san and Jonny-poo?
Ken: I have bad news, sweetcheeks. And because this is a musical, I’ll deliver that bad news in song.
Vorefellow: Can’t you just tell us what ha–
[The dramatic music starts abruptly.]
Ken: [singing] Honey, do you ever start to wonder…
About your many golden blunders
That you’ve made in your long, long life?
Kaitlyn: Oh, Ken, don’t leave me to ponder…
That Jon has left you asunder
And stranded like a boy without his kite?
[They start doing some kind of cringeworthy musical choreography reminiscent of Grease around the kitchen, as upbeat rock and roll plays.]
Ken: Oh, I got bad news, I don’t know how to tell you
But our income’s gotta take a cut!
I say it’s really unfair, I just took off their underwear
And took a chomp of a couple–
Director: [off-screen] Ken, we can’t say that.
Ken: I didn’t to-to-to-to-touch them!
Ken Chan: Didn’t you just co-co-confess?
Kaitlyn: Oh, are you really any bet-ter?
Ken Chan: Hey, it’s legal in !
Ken: Oh, Ken Chan, don’t give my wife attitude
I’m honest like I’m wearing your Sonichu
If I were not being 100% trueeeeee…
[to Kaitlyn; music slows] Honey, I wouldn’t be standing right next to youuuu…
[We zoom out to see:]
Vorefellow: Bruh, you’re halfway across the rooooom…
[The music increases in tempo again as Ken runs across the stage.]
Ken: Okay, I admit it, I did bad shit to those women
But I thought that sex-offendin’ was my mission as musician!
I’m scared of my conviction for the crimes I was committin’!
I don’t think they’ll be acquittin’ for my scandalous side-giggin’!
I can’t sleep at night because what I did wasn’t right
I hope you have it in your heart to forgive me, your shining knight
I’ll make it up to you, Kaitlyn, I promise I’ll try
But I’m not gonna lie, I’m contemplating suicide!
Kaitlyn: Oh, no, no, no! Oh, please don’t go!
I may hate you sometimes but I love you so!
Ken: I guess you’re right, my loving wife
But how can I go on to live my life?
[The crowd applauds, with some even cheering cries of “woo!” and “you’re the GOAT, Vorefellow!”. Kaitlyn sits in Ken’s lap.]
Kaitlyn: [spoken] Regardless of what you did in your past, Kenneth honey, I will always love you. After all, we’re soul mates. We’re destined to be together.
Ken: Oh, honey…
Kaitlyn: Don’t you remember when we first met and we fell in love at first sight?
[The set’s background changes from the gritty apartment of the Fellows’ house, as crew members very unsubtly run across the stage to change the backdrop to one of a fairground, as the lighting increases in brightness to reflect the sunlight of a wonderful summer’s day in the 1990s. An extra hands Kaitlyn a lollipop as she and Ken stand up, still holding each others’ hands, and start to skip around like newly-weds. Because it’s a musical, Kaitlyn once again starts singing.]
Kaitlyn: I opened my eyes and you were there…
Ken: It’s like I’ve been looking for you everywhere…
Kaitlyn: The love of my life…
Ken: I’ll make you my wife…
Kaitlyn and Ken: And we will live in harmony ‘til one of us diiiiies!
Ken: [spoken] Or, you know, I find someone with bigger tits and less brain cells.
Kaitlyn: [spoken] Oh, you’re such a joker, Ken!
[The music picks up and a chorus of parkgoers start singing the refrain behind them.]
Chorus: Please return it, oh, please return it!
Kaitlyn: You took my heart for ransom and I truly deserved it!
Chorus: Please return it, oh, please return it!
Ken: My heart was in the lost and found, but with you I’ll refurbish! 
[A cheap lightning effect is projected at the back of the stage as the music becomes more melancholy and Kaitlyn lets go of Ken.]
Kaitlyn: Sometimes I think it’s not worth it
Since you talk to other women and it’s fuckin’ with my brain
When you say you’ll come back home then you go on tour again.
Oh, Ken, I should put my foot down on this floor!
I love you but without Jon, I’m tempted to show you the Definite Door
Because I don’t wanna scrounge for a job
With you by my side, and that Vorefellow slob!
Vorefellow: [offscreen] Hey! Let me at ‘em!
Kaitlyn: [puts her hand on Ken’s face] It’s time for me to be going, going, gone!
We’ve had decades of love but the sun hasn’t shone
Since we first met, and I regret
All the times I spent…
Ken: Honey, I’ll pay your rent!
Kaitlyn: With barely any royalties, I’m afraid we have to cut loyaltieees!
[The music once again starts to pick up as the chorus of extras, now in suits, start to re-appear behind the main couple.]
Kaitlyn: [spoken] I’m sorry, Ken, but this is the end.
Chorus: Please return it, oh, please return it!
Kaitlyn: I’ll print out the lyrics of the songs you wrote - and burn it!
Chorus: Please return it, oh, please return it!
Kaitlyn: You took my heart for ransom and I’m begging you to return iiiiiiiit…
[She holds this high note for an impressively long time as the music fades and the audience gives a standing ovation, cheering and whooping once again.]
Ken: [spoken] I’ll always love you, Kaitlyn!
[Kaitlyn hops on a carriage that takes her off-stage, whilst dark, menacing guitar riffs play in the background.]
Ken: Huh? What’s going on?
[A group of police officers appear behind Ken and wrap his hands in handcuffs.]
Copfellow: Yer comin’ with me, Kenjamin.
Ken: Oh, boy, where?! Los Angeles? New York?
Copfellow #2: The slammer, wise guy.
Ken: [singing] At last I understand the consequences of my love.
[The curtain closes for intermission as the audience applauds.]
Audience Member: What a jolly good show.
[We fade out.]
[Commercial break.]
[The episode returns, fading back into the stage as the curtains open once more. The set is now a dingy prison cell, with bars that separate Ken, who is sitting in his unkempt prison bed in an orange jumpsuit, reading a letter, from the audience. A familiar guitar riff starts playing as we hear the letter read from offstage.]''
Kaitlyn: [offscreen] I love you, Ken, and always will, but we just can’t be together. I’ve found somepony else, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. 
[Ken sighs and puts the letter down, placing his head on the prison walls.]
Ken: [singing] There’s sooo much paaiin…
Pain behind us, pain beside us, pain through us…
Pain to make us all erase our sense of trust…
Pain to bring us close or to undo us.
[Ken stands up during the instrumental break, picking up Kaitlyn’s letter, tearfully. His tears drop on the letter, smudging her signature.]
Ken: I wanted you…
In truth, I waaaaaaant you still
But you’re so far away…
Unless I play the rules by which you want to play.
[Ken aggressively drops the letter and runs to the front of the cell, gripping his hands on the bars.]
Ken: Then I feel you push me back as if it’s challenge that you lack!
[A chorus of prison inmates appear behind him as Ken starts a choreographed routine in the centre to the chorus of his famous song, “Reveal Love”, doing “beating-heart” gestures with his hand to his chest and several other cheesy dance routines.]
Ken: I say, “Lover, reveal love! Never conceal love!”
I waaaaaaant you still…
Lover, be careful before you lose me.
I wooooon’t be stiiill…
[The prison inmates shuffle to the left and start snapping their fingers to the rhythm of the song. Ken looks himself in the mirror attached to the right wall of his cell.]
Ken: I’m so aloooone…
Do I deserve it? I know Jon thinks so…
[Jon appears in the mirror, which angers Ken.]
Ken: Do you know what’s real?
[Ken spits onto the mirror, which makes the image of Jon dissipate.]
Ken: Are you afraid what something real could make you feel?
[Ken picks the letter back up, showing the audience the postcard attached, depicting Kaitlyn and on their honeymoon in Venice.]
Ken: You stayed with hiiiim…
That loser who kicked me out of …
But you’re so far away…
And if I didn’t help you then, I can’t today!
[Ken once again rushes to the bars of his cell.]
Ken: I’m afraid to make the leap!
Stringfellows can’t melt steal beams!
[He and his inmates then return to the choreography, with the cell bars being gradually pushed under the stage. The audience start to clap along.]
Ken: I say, “Lover, reveal love! Never conceal love!”
I waaaaant you still!
Lover, be careful, BE-FORE YOU LOSE MEEEEE!
I wooooon’t be still!
Copfellow: Do we wait for him to cooome to the reeaaalisatiooon?
[The music abruptly stops as Ken realises he’s free.]
Copfellow #2: [spoken] You’ve been bailed out by some guy called “Urrghfellow”. 
Urrghfellow: Augh, I’m so full of generosity.
Audience: [joyously; in unison] OH, URRGHFELLOW!
Urrghfellow: Now, let’s play a game of “What’s Up Urrghfellow’s Ass”!
[Urrghfellow starts to struggle, clenching his mahoosive buttcheeks in front of the audience.]
Audience: THREE… TWO… ONE…
[Fireworks are sent off in the air as Urrghfellow’s ass explodes, releasing confetti into the audience.]
Audience: HOORAY!
[A gentle piano plays in the distance, as Kaitlyn, Vorefellow, Ken Chan, Jon Auer, Michael Stipe and Frankie The Drummer line up with Urrghfellow and Ken (who takes his place in the centre, with Jon and Kaitlyn on either side). The jail inmates and Copfellows line up behind them, and they all put their arms around each other to softly sing the final chorus.]
Cast: Lover, reveal love, never conceal love…
I waaaaant you still…
Lover, be careful, before you lose me…
I won’t be still!
Ken: [turns to Kaitlyn] ‘Cause I want you still!
Kaitlyn: [facing Ken] And I want you still…
[They share an intense kiss, to immediate applause from the audience, all of which give a standing ovation and start cheering. After the moment of passion, the cast takes one last bow and the curtain closes. The audience continue to applaud and cheer until the noise gradually dissipates and you can hear one audience member faintly in the distance.]
Audience Member: That was a ScumBob musical.
[The end.]
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