Cailaca Comes to Santa Ynez/Transcript

* [Episode begins on exterior shot of El Paso.]
* Cailaca:(narrating) Far, far away, in a happy world called El Paso, lived a Mexican boho chic nina – Cailaca Cortez.
* [Cut to interior shot of house, on a portrait of Cailaca Cortez,Mailaca Cortez, Ramon Cortez, and Ana Cortez.
* Cailaca:Rail slide!
* [Cailaca Cortez slides down the staircase rail and breaks a glass decoration. The portrait falls on top of her. She rips through it as she stands up, and the chandelier tilts.
* Cailaca:(narrating) Some people have called me tímida and suave just because...
* [Cut to interior of a ballet club, where Cailaca and the girls dancing to the music.]
* Cailaca:(narrating) ...I enjoy ballet...
* [Cut to shot of a horse drinking from a creek.]
* Cailaca:(narrating) ...and tame wild horses.
* [Cailaca lands on the horse's back, and the horse rears up.]
* Cailaca:Ole!
* [Cailaca rides the horse through El Paso, scaring some of the civilians.]
* Cailaca:(narrating) I like to have fun! And I'm about to have a whole lot more because today is my 15th birthday! And according to tradition, Azucar has to bestow upon me the greatest ritual: the satanic ritual!
* [Azucar and the girls wait for Cailaca in the church room. The audience looks to the doors. Just before the butlers open them, Cailaca and the horse crash through, scaring the audience. As the horse crashes through the rear wall, Cailaca jumps off and lands by the girls.
* Cailaca:hey Azucar what's up?
* Azucar:oh Cailaca we're just performing a satanic ritual[the girls laughing with Azucar.]
* Cailaca:A ritual can i help!
* Azucar:well, first,you have to draw a circle with a happy face in the center and then... uh... douse it with blood.
* [Cailaca finishes drawing the face]
* Cailaca:Okay?
* [Cailaca goes to grab some blood, then returns to throw it on the face; the blood gets absorbed by the face.]
* Azucar:And then you're supposed to chant something like [The happy face glows and the candles next to it light up], "Maloso Muerte spiritum."
* [Cailaca gulps and the face changes color.]
* Azucar:But... I-I don't really wanna you to sing. I'm still mad about the beauty pageant.
* [Azucar notices a strange noise and finally looks at Cailaca.]
* Cailaca:Uh oh ?! [The room changes color drastically; a portal to Santa Ynez opens where the face was.] Whoa... whoa!! Aaagh!!
* [Azucar and the girls pushed Cailaca towards Santa Ynez and the portal closes.]
* [Cut to exterior shot of Santa Ynez Academy. A teenager takes a photo of one of the manticores with his phone. The manticore roars at him, and he runs away. Inside Principal Dolor's office, Estersa talk with the principal.]
* Principal Dolor:So you say you're from another country.
* [The office lights flicker on and off. The maid and principal look to Cailaca, who's toying with the light switch.]
* Cailaca:And you said there was no normal things on Santa Ynez.
* Principal Dolor:Yeah... This isn't gonna work.
* [Estersa presents a chest of riches, and dollar signs appear in Dolor's eyes.
* Dolor:She is gonna love it here!
* [Cailaca continues to mess with the light switch.]
* Estersa:She's going to need a guide.
* [Cut to Machete Bender in a classroom.]
* Dolor:(on P.A. system) Machete Bender, to the principal's office. Machete Bender, to the principal's office.
* Machete:[smiles] Oooooh... Looks like someone's in trouble. So, I guess everyone who voted me "Rebellious Kid" must be feeling pretty embarrassed right about now.
* [Miss Johnson is shown painting her toenails.]
* Machete:Do I need a hall pass?
* Johnson:Would you just go already?!
* Machete:[whimpers]
* [Machete slowly shuffles out of the room. Cut to Principal Dolor and Cailaca Cortez outside the principal's office. Machete shortly joins them.]
* Dolor:Machete! I want you to meet our new bait – Cailaca Cortez.
* [Cailaca presses the button on a water fountain. When a spout of water appears, she backs away in fear and growls at it.]
* Machete:Huh?
* Dolor:I need a responsible, never-take-chances type to keep an eye on her, and who better than you, the rebellious kid?
* Machete:What?! No-no-no-no! I am completely wrong for this. I'm a misunderstood bad boy.
* Dolor:[pinches Machete's cheek] You're adorable! Now I'm off to the ice cream shop. Daddy's getting all 52 flavors! [walks off-screen]
* [Camera pans over to Cailaca trying to eat the water fountain. Later, Machete shows Cailaca around the school; Machete walks as Cailaca skips. They pass by several students in the background.]
* Cailaca:Thanks for showing me around, rebellious kid.
* Machete:What? No!
* Cailaca:Ohhh...
* Machete:Look, whatever you heard about me isn't true.
* Cailaca:[gasps] Hi!
* Machete:I don't know where people get the idea I'm so mean! Oops sorry.
* Cailaca:[gasps]
* Machete:It's ridiculous! [trips a blonde haired girl] sorry. You wear a weird outfit one time, and you're bullied for life! Oops. I'm so clumsy. Frankly, I like taking risks and would welcome a little jeopardy in my life.
* [Cailaca uses her magic necklace to turn a butterfly into a screeching monster. It picks up a nearby student and flies away as the student screams in terror.]
* Machete:What the heck was that?!
* Cailaca:Oops. Heh. I thought you wanted a little jeopardy.
* Machete:[looks at Cailaca suspiciously] Who are you?
* Cailaca:I'm a mexican boho chic from another country!
* [Cailaca makes a rainbow with her necklace, and several cute creatures appear around her. The rainbow suddenly bursts into flames, and the cute creatures run away. Machete looks stunned.]
* Machete:Well, that brings us to the end of our tour. I'm going home now.
* Cailaca:[waving goodbye] Bye, new friend! See you tomorrow! Bye! Bye, new friend! See you later!
* [Machete lifts his hat over his head and runs away. Scene fades to black. Fade in on the Bender Household as Machete walks up. Mr. Bender,Mrs. Bender and Bebe Bender are heard laughing as Machete enters the house. He looks shocked.]
* Mrs.Bender:Oh, Machete! Come meet the new bait who's gonna be living with us!
* Machete:Wha...? W-Wha...?
* Cailaca:What?! I had no idea these were your parents! I just assumed everyone on Santa Ynez had the last name "Bender"!
* Mrs.Bender:Won't it be nice to have Cailaca's upbeat, lively energy around the house?
* [Machete and Cailaca look toward the camera.]
* Machete:We could've gotten that from a litter of puppies.
* Cailaca:[gasps] I... love... puppies!
* [Cailaca uses her magic to produce a litter of 8 cute puppies.]
* Demon puppies:[yipping]
* Mr. and Mrs.Bender:Awww...
* [The puppies start shooting lasers from their eyes, to everyone's surprise. Their lasers knock over a lamp and shoot a hole through Machete's face in a Bender family photo. Machete looks at Cailaca angrily.]
* Cailaca:Uh oh,Hehehe...
* Mr.Bender:[chuckling, picks up a puppy] Well, they are really cute. [laughing]
* [The puppy shoots a laser at Mr. Bender's right eye.]
* Mr.Bender:Ay! My eye! [laughing]
* Mrs.Bender:Machete, why don't you show Cailaca her new room?
* Cailaca:Yay!
* [Cailaca runs upstairs. Machete drags her luggage up the stairs, and the yipping puppies follow.]
* [Cut to Cailaca's room. Machete drags her luggage in.]
* Machete:[straining] Here's your new room...!
* [He drops the luggage and it lands on his foot.]
* Machete:Ow!
* Cailaca:Okay... I can work with this. [gasps] Sparkle Glitter bomba Ampliar!
* [Cailaca uses her magic to turn the room into a mexican style loft.]
* Machete:Oh no she didn't!
* [Cailaca starts bouncing on the bed.]
* Cailaca:Ahhh! That's better!
* Machete:I wish I had a room like this.
* Cailaca:[gasps, stops bouncing] You do?!
* Machete:Huh?
* [Cailaca runs to Machete's bedroom.]
* Cailaca:Mystic Sala Suck Transformar
* [Cailaca creates a black hole in the middle of the floor, sucking up everything in the room.]
* Cailaca:[screams]
* Machete:[screams]
* [Cailaca shuts the door before she and Machete gets sucked in.]
* Machete:"Suck"?! "Suck"?!? Why was the word "suck" in that spell?!
* Cailaca:I don't know! It just came out that way!
* Machete:[groans, slams his face on the door]
* Cailaca:I'm sorry, Marco. Uh... How about a little sunshine to brighten your day?
* [Cailaca creates a small sun over Machete's head. It immediately turns into a raincloud, drenching him in water.]
* Cailaca:Uh oh...
* Machete:I can't take this anymore! If you're moving in, I am moving out!
* [Machete moves toward the open window and slips outside.]
* Machete:[groans]
* Cailaca:Are you okay?
* [Machete lies in a bed of cacti.]
* Machete:Luckily, the cactuses broke my fall.
* Cailaca:Do you need help?
* Machete:Ow! I'm fine! Just leave me alone! [walks off]
* Cailaca:[whimpers] Hmm... [whimpers] Hmm... Uh... Ah. [walks away from the window, rushes back to the window] [whimpers]
* [Night falls. Machete stands outside the store.]
* Machete:Here he comes. Here he comes. Hey, brother, do me a solid! Refill this for me!
* [The innocent civilian runs inside the store away from Machete.]
* Machete:They won't let me back inside because I'm soooooggyyyyy!
* [A mother and her son come out of the store.]
* Machete:Did you bring me my refill?!
* [The mother and son quickly walk away.]
* Mother:Don't make eye contact.
* [Machete noisily chews on a bar of chocolate.]
* Machete:You come to my house, you bring toilet paper!
* [Cailaca appears behind Machete.]
* Machete:Wa-ha! Whoa! What are you doing here?
* [Cailaca makes the raincloud disappear.]
* Cailaca:I didn't get a choice about coming here to Santa Ynez, and you didn't get a choice about having to deal with me.
* [Machete's angry expression softens.]
* Cailaca:I'll... I'll find another family to live with.
* [Machete's expression turns from regretful to nervous as he sees something behind Cailaca.]
* Machete:C-C-Callie?
* [Cailaca turns around. Reginald Pena and his minions are seen behind them.]
* Reginald:Cailaca Cortez! At last, I've found you!
* Cailaca:Reggie! how do you know i was here.
* Reginald:[chuckling] Wouldn't you like to know?
* Cailaca:Yes i asked.
* Reginald:Well, Lenny— Hey! I don't have to tell you anything! Kill her!
* Reginald's Minions:[Roaring]
* Cailaca:[whistles] Dahlia
* [Machete teleports behind a Indian demon and rips out the brain and heart from the torso. He then charges them and puts them back into place. The head begins to glow as he manipulates the charges, and blows up, then the torso explodes shortly afterwards, leaving behind just the victim's lower-half.]
* Cailaca:[laughing] You can kill others?!
* Machete:It's called... Diablo mode!
* [He saws a tan skinned or furred chihuahua in half. Cailaca fights a green skinned demon who is wielding a hammer; she kicks him in the stomach, and the hammer bonks him on the head. Machete gives a Aztec yell.]
* Reginald:You said she was normal!
* Lenny:[confused grunt]
* [Demon Baby flies on and off-screen, and A green skinned demon is hit with a blast of blood.]
* Machete:Dahlia!
* [Machete chops between the heads of a minion with two heads.]
* Machete:What the...
* Two headed minion:[growls]
* [Machete punches the minion's two heads continuously. Cailaca jumps behind a demon-headed minion.]
* Cailaca:Bloody Cubruita Fist Pinch
* [Cailaca produces a bloody fist to knock the demon minion through a car window. While fighting the first three-eyed minion, Machete opens the car's driver side door, and the demon minion's neck stretches to knock the three-eyed minion out.]
* [Cailaca knocks a minion over with her necklace, and it whinnies in pain like a horse. Machete appears next to her, and they smile at each other as Machete slices the two-headed minion in half. Cailaca blasts Lenny back into a streetlight.
* Reginald:You're embarrassing me! Get up!
* [Lenny gets up and breaks the streetlight off its base, using it as a club.]
* Cailaca:Cupcake Hallucination Mist!
* [Cailaca blasts Lenny with magic, and he hallucinates raining cupcakes and faces on his hands.]
* Lenny:Whoa... What is happening?
* [Demon Baby and Big Cat punch Cailaca and Machete to the ground.]
* Machete:Dahlia
* [Machete knocks them away.]
* Cailaca:Mega... Chihuahua Blast!
* [Cailaca knocks out all the minions with an army of chihuahuas.]
* Reginald's Minions:[groaning]
* [One of the chihuahuas walks away. Reggie looks surprised, then displeased.]
* Cailaca:You want some of this, Reggie?
* Reginald:No... [takes out scythe] You see, you morons?! This is what happens when you don't work out! [opens a portal] Your muscles are like pudding! Come on, back in the portal, back in the portal.
* [Reginald's minions, groaning and covered in bruises, shuffle through the portal.]
* Reginald:You even retreat like losers!
* Lenny:[still hallucinating] I'm freaking out...!
* [Reggie enters the portal last.]
* Reginald:I'll get you, Cailaca—! [gags]
* [The portal closes around Reggie's neck, choking him. He pulls his head in at the last second, leaving behind his newsboy cap.]
* Machete:That was amazing! I was amazing! You were amazing!
* Cailaca:Yeah. I guess we were. ...Well... I should probably go pack my bags.
* [Cailaca walks away sadly. Machete goes to stop her.]
* Machete:Wait! I don't want you to go. I want you to stay with us.
* Cailaca:Really?Hugs!!
* [Cailaca hugs Machete, and he smiles. They starting walking home.]
* Machete:Are there gonna be demons attacking us all the time?
* Cailaca:Yeah, probably.
* Machete:All right! Sounds so dangerous!
* [Machete stops Cailaca before she crosses the street.]
* Machete:Whoa! Let's cross at the light.
* Cailaca:Okay, "wild hombre".
* [Cailaca shoots a fish-shaped magic stream from her necklace. It flies up and swirls around the moon.]
Category:Transcripts