Antz/Transcript

==Transcript==
Z: All my life, I’ve live and worked in the big city, which, now what I think of it, is kind of a problem, since I always feel uncomfortable around crowds. I mean it. I have this fear of enclosed spaces. Everything makes me feel trapped all the time. You know, I always tell myself there’s got to be something better out there. But maybe I think too much. I think everything must go back to the fact that I had a very anxious childhood. You know, my mother never had time for me. When you’re the middle child in a family of 5 million, you don’t get any attention. I mean, how is it possible? And I’ve always had these abandonment issues which plague me. My father was-was basically a drom, like I’ve said. And, you know, the guy flew away when I was just a larva. And my job, don’t get me started on, because it really annoys me. I was not cut out to be a worker, I’ll tell you right now. [getting up out of a bed] I feel physically inadequate. My whole life, I’ve never been able to lift more than 10 times my own body weight. And, and, when you get down to it, handling dirt is, you know… [shuddering] …is not my idea of a rewarding career. It’s this whole gung ho, super organism thing, that… that, you know, I can’t get. I try, but I don’t get it. I mean, you know, I’m… What is it? I’m supposed to do everything for the colony. And-And what about my needs? What about me? I’ve got to believe there’s someplace out there that’s better than this. Otherwise, I would just curl up in a larval position and weep. [he sighs] The whole system makes me feel… [exhales] insignificant.
Psychologist: [to Z] Excellent. You’ve made a real breakthrough.
Z: I have?
Psychologist: Yes, Z. You are insignificant.
Z: I am?
[the title card appears]
Man: Ground floor.
Ant: Uh, worker.
Ant: Soldier.
Ant: Worker.
Worker Ant: Let's try it again.
Worker Ant: Firm grip. Swing hard. Back straight. Concentrate. Follow through.
Z: Okay. I've got to keep a positive attitude. A good attitude, even though I'm utterly insignificant. [grabs an ax] I'm-I'm insignificant, um, but with attitude.
Azteca: Oh, sorry, Z. I didn't see you.
Z: Great, Azteca. It's working already. I'm so meaningless, I'm invisible. [he tries to get the ax out]
Azteca: [laughing] Now, you're getting it. [takes the ax out] After all, it's not about you. It's about us, the team. It's about this.
Z: Uh, a giant hole in the ground?
Foreman: Okay, people. Are we feeling good?
All: Yeah!
Z: Yeah.
Foreman: Great! Now, R-1734 through Z-7829, you guys are on wrecking ball.
Azteca: You got it.
Z: Swell. You got it.
Ant: All right, swing time! Let's get physical!
Ant: I love this job!
Ant: Let's go!
Z: Now, remember, Azteca, "Be the ball." That's the main thing. Now, remember that. You know, got to be one with the ball.
Azteca: Would you cut it out already? Jeez. I love my work. And you, well... You think too much. Come on, Z. Help us build a bigger, better colony. And, for crying out loud, try to be happy about it.
Z: Sure, you know. [nervous chuckle] I mean, how could I possibly be unhappy being a piece of construction equipment?
Foreman: Okay, workers, remember.
Z: Here it comes.
Foreman: Be the ball. Let the energy flow through you!
Z: Grin and bear it. This is... This is for the colony.
Z: Ow! This is... This is just a lawsuit waiting to happen.
Ant: Hang on, here we go!
Ant: Faster!
Z: Did I happen to mention that heights make me nauseous?
Ant: No! This is a ball! Hey!
Azteca: Oh, Z.
Z: Yes. Yes. I understand. I dropped the ball.
Mandible: Workers. They're weak. They lack discipline. They lack commitment.
Foreman: [he comes in] General, I know there's been a glitch or two. But everybody is working full tilt as it is, and-
Mandible: You can't help it, it's your nature. But in spite of your limitations, you are going to finish this tunnel on schedule. Come hell our high water. For now on, anyone who falls behind is going to have to explain themselves to Colonel Cutter. And let me assure you, the colonel is not as understanding as I am. Dismissed.
Mandible: Four more days, Cutter. Four more days. Then we can bid final farewell to their kind of incompetence.
Cutter: Yes, sir.
Mandible: A fresh start. Imagine it!
Cutter: A strong colony, sir. A colony we can be proud of.
Mandible: Yes, but we're not there yet. Cutter, we just got word that a termite army has mobilized against us.
Cutter: Against us?
Mandible: We'll have to send troops deep into hostile territory to attack their colony.
Cutter: Attack a termite colony, sir? That's suicide.
Mandible: Exactly. Do you have the list I asked for?
Cutter: Yes, General. [takes the list to General] These are the units loyal to the queen.
Mandible: Hm. Then they're the ones we'll be sending. It's a shame. There's some fine officers here.
Cutter: Don't we need the queen's approval to declare war?
Mandible: Our very next stop, Cutter.
Queen: General, we've been at peace with that colony for years. Why would they attack us?
Mandible: They want our land. They're desperate for more foraging territory. Perhaps they think we've grown soft or weak.
Queen: Why don't we dispatch an ambassador, negotiate a new treaty? Certainly, we don't need to send soldiers.
Mandible: Believe me. Every ant in this colony is so precious to me. That's why we must strike now, when we have the element of surprise. If the termite shock troops enter our colony, well...
Queen: Yes, General, I know what they can do to us. Very well.
Mandible: You've made a wise decision. In fact, you've insured the future of this colony.
Bala: Hello, General.
Mandible: Princess Bala. What a nice surprise. You look lovelier each time I see you.
Bala: Thanks. I hope you're not just here on business.
Mandible: Oh, of course... [chuckling] ...of course not.
Bala: Because, um, it might be nice if we had a conversation once before we get married.
Mandible: You're absolutely right. Cutter, schedule some private time for me and Princess Bala.
Cutter: Uh, in fact, sir, there is time right now for a personal moment. We're a few seconds ahead of schedule.
Mandible: Excellent. Princess.
Bala: Well, a few seconds isn't much, but I guess if it's quality time. So, how was your day? Anything interesting happen?
Mandible: We declared war.
Bala: Declared war? Boy, talk about a rough day.
Cutter: Sir, I hate to interrupt, but time stands still for no ant.
Mandible: Princess. Bala]
Bala: Mom, could you remind me, why am I marrying this guy?
Queen: Bala, do we have to argue about this again?
Bala: We don't seem to have anything in common. The guy's a stiff.
Queen: Yes, darling. I know the general may be a little gruff and somewhat overbearing at times, but I know that he cares about you. He's just not particulary good at showing it. But you should have seen how persistently he asked for your hand in marriage.
Bala: But why me?
Queen: Because you're the one who has to continue my work. It's your place, dear.
Bala: What if they don't like my place?
Queen: Everyone has their place, Bala, you, the soldiers, the workers. Now, it's not all that bad being princess, is it? Would you prefer to be carting dirt all day?
Bala: Mother, don't be so dramatic. At least, they seem to have some fun every now and then.
Bartender: Two aphid beers.
Z: Why'd I have to be born a worker? Soldiers get all the glory, plus you get to go out in the world. You meet interesting insects, you get to kill them.
Weaver: Yeah. But you get to spend all day with those beautiful worker girls.
Z: Weaver, they're career girls. They're obsessed with digging. [sighs] I don't think I'm ever gonna meet the right girl for me.
Weaver: [to Z] Who said a girl for you? I was talking about a girl for me. Don't you want your aphid beer?
Z: Call me crazy, but... [clears throat] I have a thing about drinking from the anus of another creature. Okay?
Weaver: Suit yourself. Ah, me,? I'm cutting a lose. We got a royal inspection coming up.
Z: Inspection, meaning you're gonna stand around like an idiot while a bunch of blue bloods smirk at you. I don't know how you put up with it, Weaver.
Weaver: Z, I've known you for a long time. Right?
Z: Definitely. You were born two seconds after me.
Weaver: Yeah. And ever since we were little, I've been listening to you complain. What are you bitching about? In case you haven't noticed, we ants are running the show. We're the lords of the Earth.
Z: Hey. Don't talk to me about earth, okay? Because I just spent all day hauling it around. [he sighs] There's just got to be a better place.
Grebs: There is. I've been there.
Z: I'm sorry. Were you talking to me?
Grebs: There is a better place, Insectopia.
Z: Oh, really. Lunatic at 3:00.
Grebs: You can't understand until you go there and see it yourself. You can be your own ant there. The streets are paved with food. Nobody tellin' you what to do. No wars. No colony. I shoulda never left.
Z: [chuckling] Oh, yeah. Fascinating.
Grebs: We were on a long-range recon. I got cut off from my unit.
Z: Nothing like post-traumatic stress disorder to make your day complete.
Grebs: Then I saw it, Insectopia!
Worker Ant: Hey!
Grebs: You head towards the monolith. Ten clicks past the great canyons to the land of red and white!
Guard Ant: [takes Grebs] Hey, gramps. You've had enough for one tonight. Come on. Before you get in trouble.
Grebs: Head for the monolith. Listen to me! The monolith!
Weaver: [chuckling] That guy's got a screw loose.
Grebs: Cross the lake!
Z: Insectopia. [he scoffs] Wouldn't it be great if it were that easy?
Weaver: [chuckling] Yeah. Dream on, Z.
Grebs: Cross the lake! Look for the land of red and white!
Bala: Wow! This is so pretty.
Female Ant: Ten minutes and we're out of here. Right? This place is off limits.
Bala: Just blame it on me. Say it was all my idea.
Female Ant: It is all your idea.
Bala: Besides, no one's gonna recognize us. Come on, girls. What do you say? Let's take a walk on the wild side.
Man: [on loud speaker] Okay, everybody. 6:15. Time to dance.
Weaver: [to Z] Time to cut a rug, Z.
Z: Oh, no. That's okay. I'm gonna leave the rug just the way it is, Weaver.
Bala: Step back, ladies. I'm gonna ask one of these workers to dance with me.
Z: What a bunch of losers. Mindless zombies capitulating to an oppressive system.
Bala: [to Z] Hi. Wanna dance?
Z: Absolutely.
Bala: Follow me.
Z: So, how come I haven't seen you around here before?
Bala: Oh, I don't get out much. I, uh, I work over at the palace.
Z: Oh, the palace, huh? I bet those royals really live it up. Course they're all a little, you know, from inbreeding.
Bala: What?
Z: Yowch! Ya-Ya... Yowch! Yowch.
Z: Yowch.
Bala: What on earth are you doing?
Z: Well, actually, to tell you the truth, I'm sort of making it up.
Bala: Really?
Z: You know. Why does everybody have to dance the same way? You know, that's completely boring. It's... It's monotonous.
Bala: It's no fun.
Bar Guy: Hey. Watch your step, worker.
Bala: You watch yours, buddy, or you'll be in big trouble.
Z: That's okay. I'll... I'm gonna let him off this time. What? Are you crazy? This guy's built like a pebble.
Bala: Aren't you even gonna defend yourself?
Bar Guy: Hey, buddy. Get back in place.
Z: Me? Uh... Uh...
Bala: What if he doesn't want to?
Z: [clears throat] Yeah. What if I don't like my place?
Bar Guy: What's he talking about?
Bar Guy: We got us a troublemaker.
Bar Guy: Buckle up, Spanky. This one goes out to all the lazy workers.
Weaver: You ought to watch that aggressive behavior, buddy.
Bar Guy: He's just a worker.
Female Ant: Princess Bala! Princess Bala! The guards are coming.
Bala: Let's get outta here.
Z: Wait!
Z: Princess? You're a princess?
Bala: Uh, I gotta go.
Z: When can I see you again?
Bala: Let me think. Never. [kisses Z] Bye.
Z: No. Wait.
Z: [singing] What a day it has been, what a rare mood I'm in. Why, it's almost like being in love. There's a smile.
Azteca: Huh?
Z: [continues singing] On my face for the whole insect race. Why, it's almost like being in love.
Z: Yowch.
Bartender: [to Z] Can I get you another one, pal?
Z: [sighing] No, thanks. I think I'm gonna go.
Bartender: Yeah. I don't blame you. It's always slow in here the night before one of those royal reviews. I guess soldiers need their shut-eye before they meet the queen. I don't blame ya.
Z: That's it!
Bartender: You know, I was once... See ya.
Z: Psst. Weaver. I figured it out. Weaver. Weaver.
Weaver: What? What? [clears throat]
Z: I got a great idea. You gotta switch places with me. Let me go to the inspection instead of you.
Weaver: What time is it?
Z: Weaver. The royal family will be there. This is the only way I can see her.
Weaver: See who?
Z: Princess Bala.
Weaver: [getting out of bed] Are you nuts? You want me to switch places with you? Do you know how much trouble you can get into for even talking about impersonating a soldier? You can get in trouble just for listening to someone talking about impersonating a soldier!
[Everyone who was listening in pretends to fall back asleep]
Z: You have to help me. If I can't see her again, my life is just not worth living. Pl-Pl-Please, Weaver. Please. Switch jobs with me just for a day. Th-Think of all the things that I've done for you.
Weaver: Hm. I can't think of any.
Z: Okay. So, think of all the things that I'm gonna do for you. [trying to convince Weaver to switch jobs with him]
Weaver: Would I meet some worker girls?
Z: Are you kidding? They always go after the new guy. It's like a sport for them. And-And believe me, they will definitely go for an adorable little insect like you.
Weaver: Mmm.
Z: Weaver, I... I have to see her again.
Weaver: Z, what kind of chance do you have with a princess? I mean, she probably won't even remember you.
Z: [sighs] I... I know it sounds nuts, but I have to try.
Weaver: Oh, boy. [he exhales]
Z: Princess, fancy meeting you here. What do you say we lose this crowd? Oh, me? You know, I... I wear many hats. I guess you'd have to call me a Renaissance ant.
Man: Eyes right!
Mandible: Beautiful! Just beautiful!
Bala: Mm.
Mandible: The precision. The order.
Z: Princess Bala! Princess Bala! Hey. It's me. Remember Z from the bar? Princess Bala! Princess Bala! Princess...
Queen: Bala, you must encourage the troops. Wave.
Z: Oh. She sees me. Excuse me, guys. I... Sorry. I just got a better offer. Could you excuse me?
Soldier Ant: Company halt!
[they all leave]
Z: Princess. Princess Bala!
Soldier Ant: Quiet there! Get back in rank!
Barbatus: You new, kid?
Z: Oh, yes, but I'm getting out soon. I got a trial membership.
Barbatus: Trial membership. [chuckling] That's a good one! Name's Barbatus.
Z: Z.
Man: Right face!
Barbatus: Psst.
Mandible: Sacrifice. To some, it is just a word. To others, it is a code.
Z: Jeez. I'm really bad at word games.
Mandible: A solider knows that the life of an individual ant doesn't matter. What matters is the colony. He's willing to live for the colony, to fight for the colony, to die for the colony.
Z: This guy's crazy.
Barbatus: I hear ya.
Mandible: I owe $800, we received word that the termite enemy has mobilized. We have no choice but to launch a preemptive strike. You are the queen's finest. I know you will all do you duty. I am proud to send you into battle.
Z: Into... I'm sorry-I'm sorry, into battle?
Mandible: Dismissed.
Man: Left face! Forward march!
Z: Talk to me. You know, I think there's been a terrible mistake. [being shipped off to battle] You know, the truth is I just... I just came for the speech.
Barbatus: Don't worry, kid. I'll watch out for ya.
Ant: Sound off.
Soldier Ant: One.
Soldier Ant: Two.
Ant: Sound off.
Barbatus: Three.
Z: Huh?
Ant: Sound off.
Soldier Ant: Five.
Soldier Ant: Six.
Soldier Ant: Seven.
Soldier Ant: Eight.
Soldier Ant: Nine.
Soldier Ant: Ten.
Soldier Ant: Eleven.
Soldier Ant: Twelve.
Soldier Ant: Thirteen.
Soldier Ant: [singing] The ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah!
All: [singing] We slaughter termites just for fun, hurrah, hurrah!
Z: So, these termites, they're-they're... These guys are not going to put up much of a fight? I mean, we're talking about pushovers, right?
Barbatus: Not really, kid. They're five times our size. And they shoot acid from their foreheads.
Soldier Ant: Hey! Keep it moving, shorty!
All: [singing] We ants go marching two by two, hurrah, hurrah. We'll all be dead before we're through, hurrah, hurrah.
Z: Say, w-what exactly does our platoon do? I mean, you know, will we be serving beverages of processing paperwork?
Barbatus: Our platoon has the best assignment, for the first into battle.
Z: Huh?
All: [singing] We ants go marching three by three, hurrah, hurrah, hurrah, hurrah! We're off to face our destiny, hurrah, hurrah!
Z: [panicked] Hey. Wait a minute. Let's not get... We're being too hasty here. These... These guys sound like bruisers. What will happen? Just how were you figuring on beating them?
Barbatus: Superior numbers, kid. Overwhelm their defenses and kill their queen.
Z: [panicked] Hey, fellas. You're being a little extreme, I feel. W-Why don't we try and influence their political process with campaign contributions?
Barbatus: I like you, kid. You got a sense of humor.
Man: Foward!
Barbatus: Come on! Let's kick some termite butt.
Soldier Ant: Over the top!
Soldier Ant: Where is everyone?
Soldier Ant: Something's not right.
Barbatus: Don't be scared, kid.
Soldier Ant: Attack!
Soldier Ant: Come on!
Z: Barbatus, you saved my life.
Barbatus: Ah, don't get all sappy about it.
Z: Hey, guys! Look out behind you!
Z: Hey... Hey, guys. Can somebody help me here? Can anybody... Hey.
Weaver: Yeah. [he breaks the wall] Okay, mama. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Big guy comin' through. Love it.
Azteca: Hey. Hey. Hey. Take it easy, muscles. You're makin' the rest of us look bad. What happened to Z?
Weaver: He's takin' a personal day, so I'm fillin' in.
Azteca: [admiring] You fill in any more, and you'll explode.
Azteca: Eh, you got a problem?
Weaver: No, uh, uh... Nobody told me digging was so much fun. You know, you pick the dirt up. You move it. You pick it up again. You move it again. Lots of reps. You exercise the arms and the thorax.
Azteca: Yes, I... I see what you mean.
Foreman: Um. Yeah. That is fascinating.
Weaver: Sorry, sir. I was just havin' a chat with my friend, sir.
Foreman: You know, I just had a chat with General Mandible. Anybody who doesn't meet his quota is going to be downsized.
Azteca: Come on. Cut him a break. He's new.
Foreman: Hey. What do you say we help your attitude a little bit by taking away your rations for the day. Thanks for your time.
Azteca: I don't know what came over me. Talking back like that. [he starts cutting] I must be losin' it.
Weaver: Sorry I got you in trouble. But, listen, you can share my rations. Whoa. If you want.
Azteca: [guards the ax] Are you askin' me out to dinner?
Weaver: [chuckles] Oh, no. I... Well, if you don't have anything else planned.
Azteca: [laughing] I'll check my calendar. You know, I'm kinda glad Z's takin' a breather.
[Outside, Z emerged and saw the blood bath he saw. All of the ants and termites were all dead.]
Barbatus: [to Z] Kid! Kid, over here.
Z: Barbatus.
Barbatus: Be honest, kid. Am I hurt bad?
Z: N-No. N-Not at all. You're... Actually, you're lookin' terrific. You got, you know, swell color in your cheeks.
Barbatus: No. I can see it in your eyes. I'm a goner. Help me up, Z. [sniffing] I can't feel my legs.
Z: You gotta hang in there, buddy. You know. I know you're gonna make it. Just take... take deep breaths. Because I'm gonna try and find your body. It's bound to be out there somewhere.
Z: [to Barbatus] Barbatus, hang on. B-Barbatus.
Barbatus: Don't make my mistake, kid. Don't follow orders your whole life. Think for yourself.
Z: Barbatus.
Cutter: We're on schedule. Work is completed on "A" section sir, including a path through "D" section now.
Mandible: We need to push harder, Cutter. I want double shifts around-the-clock. We can't afford to let up. Is that clear?
Cutter: Crystal, sir.
Mandible: Good. What about section...
Guard Ant: [he comes in] Excuse me, sir.
Mandible: This had better be important.
Guard Ant: Well, it's about the termite battle, sir. The enemy was destroyed, but I'm afraid it was a disaster for our troops, as well.
Mandible: Well, that's terrible. Terrible.
Guard Ant: There is a better good news, sir. One soldier did make it back.
Cutter: No kidding.
Mandible: What did you say?
Guatd Ant: Word is spreading through the colony. The queen requested a meeting with the war hero.
Mandible: [on hearing that one soldier survived the battle with the termites] Damn! [covering his true feelings] Good. damn good. Uh, I'll handle this. [he walks to Z and Ant] Congratulations, soldier.
Mandible: [chuckling] Well, you're a little short for a war hero, aren't you?
Z: A war hero? Sir. I-I don't actually think that I'm a hero.
Mandible: [takes Z] Good. I don't like heroes.
Z: But, sir. You don't understand. I...
Z: I... I didn't do anything. I mean, it was all horrible. It was just a massacre. A-A massacre upon a massacre.
Mandible: [to Z] That's good, soldier. Now, wave.
Azteca: There was nothing you could do, Weaver. You didn't know they were going to war.
Weaver: I just feel horrible. Poor Z. I should have never let him go.
Azteca: Wait a minute. That's no soldier. That's Z!
Weaver: Z? The little guy made it! [he chuckles]
Mandible: Let's go, soldier. As I was saying, son, you are an ant after my own heart. An ant that looks death in the face and laughs.
Z: Well, actually, the truth is, I-I generally just make belittling comments, and snicker behind death's back. [chuckling]
Queen: General Mandible.
Mandible: [to Z] Keep your comments to yourself. Let me do the talking.
Mandible: May I present Her Majesty the Queen.
Z: Charmed. Charmed.
Mandible: And the royal Princess Bala.
Queen: Welcome home, soldier. We cannot begin to express our gratitude for your heroic efforts.
Mandible: The private has asked me to convey his most humble appreciation.
Z: Please. Please. It was nothing really. Just your average run-of-the-mill valor, and extraordinary courageousness, you know. In the heat of battle, there's very little time to think. One must attack! Attack! Attack! [chuckling]
Mandible: Well, indeed. As you can see, Your Highness, the battlefield is still fresh in his mind. So, begging your pardon, but this is the perfect time to debrief the private.
Z: Oh, please, General. Not on our first date. [chuckling] Not on our first date.
Bala: Haven't I seen you somewhere before?
Z: [recognizing his line from the night before] Well, maybe. [takes the hat off] Then again, maybe not. And then... then again. Yowch.
Bala: That's it! You're the guy from the bar.
Z: Don't... Shh.
Queen: Bar? What bar?
Bala: I danced with this guy at the bar the other night. He was just a worker then.
Queen: What were you doing at a bar?
Mandible: Precisely what I want to know.
Bala: No. This isn't about me. I mean, look at this worker. Look what he's done.
Z: I think you're thinkin' of someone else. [puts the hat back on] After all, I am a soldier.
Bala: Exactly. You were a worker. But now, you're a war hero.
Queen: He's a worker?
Mandible: A worker danced with my fiancee?
Z: F-Fiancee? W-W-Wait a minute. This is not how it looks. I can explain this. This... Hey. She was the one making all the moves.
Mandible: Arrest him.
Z: H-Hey wait a minute. Take it easy. Can't we discuss this?
Queen: What are you doing? Let go of my daughter. He's taking her hostage!
Z: No. No. No. I'm not. I mean, yes, yes, I am. One more step and then the princess gets it.
Bala: Let go of me! [hits Bala] Ow!
Z: Don't make me hurt her!
Bala: What are you doing, you creep? Are you out of your puny little mind?
Guard Ant: There they are down there! Let's go! Move! Move! Move! Move! Move!
Bala: Oh, good. Here they come to rescue me and kill you.
Z: Kill?
Bala: Hey, you guys!
Z: [to Bala] Stop it! Stop it. What are you tryin' to do?
Bala: Get off me, you little twerp!
Z: Wait a minute. What do you want to do? Throw away everything you got?
Bala: Oh, hey! [punches Z] What're you waiting for? Hello! Guys!
Guard Ant: Huh?
Guard Ant: What is it?
Ridgeway: It's beautiful.
Guard Ant: Ridgeway, get out of there!
Z: Oh. Don't worry. I'm okay.
Bala: You? You're okay? Hey! Who cares about you? I almost died here.
Z: Will you please calm down? You're not going to let a little near-death experience ruin your mood, are you?
Bala: Hey, this is not a mood. Okay? You're not listening to me. Where am I? Look, what's-your-name. Just climb up that tree and find out where I am.
Z: Look, the t-the trick is not to panic. You know, h-h-he w-who panics is lost. What am I saying? I mean, we are lost.
Bala: I've been kidnapped by the village idiot.
Z: Who's the bigger idiot, the idiot or the idiot who gets kidnapped by the idiot?
Bala: What'd you do, talk those termites to death? I can't believe you tried to pass yourself off as a soldier. Why are you stalking me? Don't you realize that I'm out of your league?
Z: You're the one who was cruising the worker bar looking for a little action. And you just happened to find it, the swarthy, earthy, sensual worker.
Bala: Please. I was slumming it. Don't you get it? I chose you because you were the most pathetic little bug in the joint.
Z: You know. I was gonna let you become part of my most erotic fantasies. But now, you can forget that. Write it off, you know. I guess what you prefer is Old Blood and Guts. This guy's idea of a romantic night out is two seats at a public execution. Boy. You really chose the right husband. [climbs up]
Bala: For your information, the general and I are deeply, deeply in... engaged. You come right back down here this instant. We are marching straight back to the colony so that I...
Z: The monolith! Absolutely. Wonderful. That's an appealing offer. [he climbs down] But, considering the options, you go back. Okay? 'Cause I'm going to Insectopia.
Bala: Oh. Come on. Insectopia? You're crazier than I thought.
Z: Yeah. Well, I happen to have it on a very reliable source. [he clears throat] Or... Or should I say, a drunk-raving source? But the point is, I'm convinced the place definitely exists.
Bala: Stop! I order you to stop, worker!
Z: Hey! I got a name. Okay? It's Z. And out here, you can't order me around.
Bala: All right. Fine! No problem. Worker! Worker! Where are you? Z! Z? Wait for me.
Queen: No more excuses, General. I want my daughter back. Frankly, I'm beginning to doubt your ability to handle this.
Mandible: Believe me, Your Highness, we will spare no effort to bring her back. Princes Bala is essential to all our plans for the future.
Worker Ant: So he kills himself a hundred termites, gets a few medals, then bada-ding, bada-bip, bags himself the princess.
Worker Ant: He looks dead in the eye...
Worker Ant: And says, "Bite me."
Female Ant: He said that to General Mandible?
Worker Ant: Buddy. Hey, hey, buddy. You heard about the war hero named Z? Runs off the the princess, right? When they sent the guards after him, he just looks at 'em and boom! They burst into flames.
Weaver: Z? [chuckling] You talkin' about Z? Hey, I know the guy. He's a friend of mine. I think your information...
Worker Ant: You know Z?
Weaver: Yeah. He's a worker. He used to dig around here.
Worker Ant: A worker? That's impossible. A worker can't do anything, except work.
Female Ant: Yeah. It's not like we got a choice.
Azteca: We do have a choice. Uh, I mean, look at Z. He decided he wanted something, and he went for it.
Weaver: He's not alone. I used to be a soldier, and I switched places with him.
Worker Ant: Wait a second. You're tellin' me, I don't have to be here?
Female Ant: We've got a choice?
Worker Ant: The authorities don't want you to know, but we don't have to work on the tunnel any more.
Worker Ant: It's the workers who control the means of production.
Worker Ant: If Z don't dig, I don't dig.
Foreman: People, what is this? An encounter group? Let's get back to work.
Worker Ant: Why?
Worker Ant: ...on the tunnel anymore! This guy, Z, he's leadin' the revolution!
Foreman: I'll get back to you.
Bala: Think about it, Z, two ants. Who ever heard of two ants? Two million ants, maybe. But two? Look, I'm hungry, I'm thirsty, and this whole desert thing? It just doesn't work for me.
Z: Yada, yada, yada.
Bala: I think it's about time to take me back.
Z: Take yourself back. [he scoffs]
Bala: Excuse me. You kidnapped me, remember? That means you have certain responsibilities. You can't just abandon me here in the wilderness.
Z: Yeah, well, it's better than being back at the colony.
Bala: You're not serious, are you?
Z: Maybe you were living the high life, but personally, this beats digging. If you'd ever done a day's labor you'd know what I was talking about. 
Bala: Labor? What do you know about labor? How would you feel if you were expected to give birth every ten seconds for the rest of your life?
Z: Gee.
Bala: Water! All you think about is yourself.
Z: Yeah? Well, nobody else ever thought about me. So as far as I'm concerned, I don't need anybody else.
Z: [in a water drop] Help! Help me, Bala! Help! B-B-B-B-Bala!
Bala: Hold on, I'll get you out. Hold on.
Z: Help, Ba...
Z: Thanks.
Bala: Don't mention it. Now, maybe we can put this fantasy behind us, and head back to the colon...
Bala: Oh, Z! What are you doing?
Z: [gets in the boat] We've got to cross the lake.
Bala: Am I missing something here? Didn't we just get out of the water?
Z: [grabs a stick] Bala, look, what have you got to lose? I mean, think about it. Do you really want to be Mrs. Raving Lunatic? There's a better place.
Bala: Z, please.
Z: Just gimme one chance. If we don't find Insectopia soon, I promise I'll take you back to the colony. [puts his hand out, then Bala gets in, then Z rows to go to Insectopia]
Bala: I hope you know what you're doing?
Z: Yeah, me too.
All: [chanting] We want Z! We want Z!
Foreman: People, come on. I know some ants who aren't gonna make their quota.
Worker Ant: Buzz off, pawn of the oppressor.
All: [continues chanting] We want Z! We want Z!
Cutter: Sorry, sir. I came as soon as I heard. I was debriefing the trackers.
Mandible: And? What's the report?
Cutter: Well, this Z, sir. He's one slippery character. They lost Bala's trail at the edge of the lake.
Mandible: The lake?
All: [singing] All we are saying is give Z a chance.
Mandible: What's that soldier doing there?
Cutter: It appears he's holding hands, sir, with a worker.
Mandible: I don't like the way things are going, Cutter. I'm counting on you for results. Now, can I depend on you or not?
Cutter: Yes, sir.
Mandible: All right, then. Let's wrap this up.
All: [continues chanting] We want Z! We want Z! We want Z!
Mandible: I've heard a lot about this Z. I even had the pleasure of meeting him once. But where is he know? Can anyone point him out? I mean, if this Z cares so much about us, then why isn't he here? I'll tell you why. Because Z doesn't give a damn about us.
Mandible: That's why he kidnapped our princess. That's why he ran away. Z is no hero. We are the heroes. We are the ones ensuring the future of our great colony. And when we've completed this magnificent structure, we will reap the benefits: more food and less work for everyone.
Mandible: And as further reward for your heroic efforts, each and every one of you will get the day off...
Mandible: ...so you can be the guests of honor at the MegaTunnel dedication ceremonies!
Foreman: Mandible! Mandible!
All: [chanting] Mandible! Mandible! Mandible! Mandible!
Mandible: Now bring me that soldier.
Bala: Oh my God! Z! Come here!
Z: It's Insectopia!
Bala: You were right. It really is here.
Z: Huh?
Bala: All right. All right! You're a genius.
Z: Let's eat.
Bala: Well? What's the problem?
Z: There's some kind of force field.
Z: Uh, excuse me. Excuse me. How do you get in?
Chip: Yes, well, I'm afraid this is a private function.
Muffy: Who are your friends, dear?
Chip: Crawling insects, poopsie.
Muffy: Oh. The poor dears. [slowly] Uh, good morning.
Bala: Huh?
Chip: Darling, really. Greeting every insect that emerges out of the grass?
Bala: Pardon me! I guess you don't recognize me.
[they both get down]
Bala: I've been traveling and I'm all schlumpy. I'm Princess Bala.
Chip: Oh! It's even worse. They're Eurotrash.
Muffy: Darling, they're poor. They're dirty. They're smelly. We have to help them. If you just wait right here. We'll fetch you a little something.
Chip: Oh, please, Muffy. Not another crusade.
Muffy: Chippie, we have a social obligation to the less fortunate. I know you laugh at my hobbies, but this is important to me!
Chip: Mm. You have such a big heart. That's why you're my little cuddly-widdles.
Muffy: Oh, my big, strong pheromone factory.
Z: [nauseated] Oh, brother. Suddenly, I've lost my appetite. You know... I guess I had imagined Insectopia... I don't know, a little differently.
[A massive flyswatter came down on them, Z and Bala dodged in time in one of its holes as it lifted up in the air. Looking over, Bala gasped in horror when she and Z saw that the flyswatter had killed Muffy.]
Chip: Oh, Muffy! No! Oh, no! [starts crying]
Bala: Oh, no.
Z: Look out!
Bala: Z, help me! Z!
Bala: Don't let me... Don't let me go, Z. Get me out of here!
Z: Bala!
Z: Whoa, this is not good.
Z: Whoa! Hi.
Bala: Z?
Z: Yes?
Bala: It looks like this is it, just when... I was starting to like you.
Z: Who the hell is that?
Mandible: That's enough.
Weaver: I ain't tellin' you nothin'.
Mandible: Soldier, the princess is vital to the future of this colony. She must be returned to take their place as queen.
Weaver: We already have a queen.
Mandible: As for your friend, Z, why should I hurt him? [chuckling] He's not important. Now, soldier, we all know that one individual ant doesn't matter. Not you, not Cutter...
Mandible: Not even her.
Weaver: Azteca!
Azteca: Don't tell that tight-ass anything, Weaver!
Mandible: Where is Z?
Weaver: I don't know where he is!
Mandible: Hmm. That's too bad.
Weaver: Wait! Insectopia. Unh! I know it sounds crazy, but that's where he'd be going.
Cutter: Soldier, you think this is a game? Insectopia does not exist.
Mandible: As a matter of fact, it does.
Cutter: Sir?
Mandible: I'll brief you on the coordinates. You're gonna bring the princess back. And as for Z ,kill him.
Weaver: But you said he didn't matter.
Mandible: It's for the good of the colony. You made the right decision. Gentlemen, now you can see how dangerous individualism can be. It makes us vulnerable.
Soldier Ant: Let's go.
Mandible: Take him back to the MegaTunnel. Put him on the front line. Dismissed.
Z: Jeez, what was I thinking? I almost got you killed.
Bala: Z, you know, you really shouldn't be so hard on...
Z: That's it. I'm taking you back to the colony.
Z: Insectopia. You know, I must've been crazy.
Bala: Z?
Z: But you know what? I can admit it when I'm wrong.
Bala: Z.
Z: And this time, I gotta tell ya, I was absolutely 100% correct. Have... Have you ever seen anything more beautiful in your life?
Bala: It's Insect...
Z: Shh! Don't jinx it. Come on!
Mandible: All right, everybody. I want all teams in place, fully prepared, ready to seal the doors here and here. Make certain the digging crew stays on schedule for breakthrough midway in the dedication ceremony. Now all we need is the princess.
Bug: This stuff takes like crap. Really? Let me try some. Hey, it is crap. Not bad. Somebody needs to feed that fire. Dude, I did it last time. Well, I'm not gonna get it. It's not my job. What about the new guy?
Bug: He hasn't contributed yet.
Z: [about Barbatus] And... [sighs] ...you know, he just died in my arms like that. I... You know, I don't think he ever once in his life, made his own choice.
Bala: I never knew it was like that. I mean, up in the palace... Well, I guess we just lete the general make all the decisions.
Z: Let me ask you something. What made you come to the bar that night?
Bala: I guess I was looking for a little trouble.
Z: Well... [chuckling] ...trouble's my middle name. Actually, my middle name is Marion, but, uh, I don't want you to spread that around.
Bala: You're pretty strange. You do know that, don't you?
Z: Well... [clears throat] ...strange's not exactly the word I would use.
Bala: I like it. You're not like anyone else.
Z: Actually, now that you mention it, there is a certain strangeness to me. I mean, it's a, you know, kind of a bizarre quality. Some have said "freak." But it's, uh, you know, complimentary.
Bug: Hey, new guy. We need more food.
Z: [to Bala] I'll be right back. Just hold that thought, whatever it is you were thinking. Hey, you ever wonder why they call you guys "pests"?
[Z leaves]
Mosquito: What if, like, we're just these tiny little things, and we're just, like, part of this whole other huge universe, that's like, so big we don't even know it exists?
Ladybug: [chuckling] Man, that is so deep.
Z: Perfect. Nothing like a little manual labor on the most romantic night of my life.
Cutter: Hi. I was in the neighborhood and I thought I'd drop in. This is, uh, very bohemian.
Bug: Aloha, dude. Welcome to Insec...
Cutter: Sorry for interrupting. You see, our princess has, uh, gone missing, and we're just sick about it. She's about yea tall, fairly easy... [pause] ...on the eyes. Anybody seen her?
Bug: That's her.
[All of the bugs pointed at Bala who tried to get away.]
Cutter: Don't worry, Princess, you'll be back home soon.
Bala: Listen, Cutter, I'm... I'm not going back.
Cutter: [sighs] The thing is, Princess, I got orders.
Bala: Orders? Can't you just once think for yourself?
Cutter: Well, that was very impressive. Where's Z?
Bug: Z? He's, uh...
Bala: Dead. Z's dead. You don't need to worry about him.
Cutter: Z's dead. Well, he was an ant with ideas. Too bad for him. Princess, your colony needs you.
Bala: Cutter! Stop right now! Let go of me!
Z: Bala! Stop, you... Oh, no. [muttering] What am I gonna do? All right, look. Let's be rational about this. You know, Bala and I, you know, she's a princess, and I'm a... I'm a soil-relocation engineer. So wha... You're no... Whew! On the other hand, uh, I've gotta go back for her.
Chip: I'll-I'll give you a lift. S-S-S... [falls to the ground] It's the least I can do. Besides, it's what my waddly-kittles would want. [he starts crying]
Z: Uh, look... [clears throat] ...how about a cup of joe first?
Chip: Well, old boy, saddle up.
Z: I think I saw a puddle of coffee over there.
Z: It... Whoa!
Z: Look out!
Mandible: Ah, Princess. You're just in time.
Bala: Take your hands of me. General, what exactly is going on here? I demand an explanation.
Mandible: I'll explain everything afterwards. Is the southeast entrance secure?
Guard Ant: Yes, sir.
Bala: Not afterwards. Now. I don't like the way you think and I don't like the way you run this colony. And I don't like you. The wedding is off. Things are going to change around here.
Mandible: You're right, Princess. Things are going to change. Why don't we make her more comfortable?
Mandible: She'll be here for a while.
Bala: What do you think you're doing? My mother will have your head.
Mandible: I doubt that. [chuckling] Ah, you've got a fighter spirit, Bala. And that's just what we need to start our new colony. We will rinse away all the filth from our gutters. We'll start anew, with you by my side as my queen.
Bala: You're crazy.
Mandible: I believe history will see things differently. All right, gentlemen. Time to take your positions. Someday... Someday you'll thank me.
Z: Pull up! Pull up! There it is!
Chip: Oh! Well, then, go get the woman you love, Z.
Z: So long, Chip. And thanks.
Soldier Ant: You there. Where do you think you're goin'?
Z: Me? Oh, no, I was just... You know, I...
Soldier Ant: You're not supposed to be out here. All workers are to report to the tunnel-opening ceremonies.
Z: Yes, yes, of course. The-The tunnel-opening ceremonies. I... Well, I should get going, then. I... [he clears throat] You know, the-the...
Soldier Ant: Hey!
Z: I'm going to the... [clears throat] ...the tunnel opening ceremonies.
Soldier Ant: Get moving.
Z: I'd better get goin'. I'm going to the... the tunnel-opening ceremonies. I...
Z: Excuse me, please. Tunnel-opening ceremonies.
Soldier Ant: Hey, worker!
Z: Opening the tunnel. They need me. I'm the key man.
Soldier Ant: Where do you think you're going?
Z: Tunnel-opening ceremonies.
Bala: Hey, come on! Let me outta here! Hey!
Z: Gosh, this-this day just keeps getting better and better.
Bala: I mean big trouble! Are you listening to me out there? I'm the princess! Damn it!
Z: Wow, your manners haven't improved much.
Bala: Z!
Bala: It's you. You came back for me.
Z: Well, yeah, I came back for you. You know, I have strong feelings for you. Let's face it, you're, you're... [he clears throat] ...you're beautiful. I... A little combative at times, but I think we can work on that.
Bala: You talk too much.
Z: Gee, I think I'm about ti become the strong, silent type. Come on. The city's deserted. We'd better get outta here.
Bala: Z... [sighing] ...we can't go. Mandible's insane. He... He keeps talking about washing away the filth and-and changing history and, and I think he's going to try to kill my mother.
Z: Not just your mother, everyone.
Bala: What's going on?
Z: Look. Here we are, safe in the city. But they're gonna seal everybody off in the MegaTunnel. And, here's the lake. You're right. We can't leave now. Come on. We gotta get down there.
Mandible: Today is the realization of a dream. A dream of a proud colony. A pure colony. A colony reborn.
Mandible: Moments from now this tunnel will open. The past will be washed away and a new day will dawn.
Queen: A stirring speech, General. I only wish my daughter were here to appreciate it.
Mandible: Your Majesty, I know how concerned you are about Bala. But my scouts are on her trail and it's only a matter of time...
Queen: General, I don't want to discuss it. Just find her.
Mandible: Oh, I will, Your Highness. Good-bye.
Mandible: Seal up the doors. Cutter, did you hear me?
Cutter: Sir, I've been thinking. Do we need to go through with this? Look at what these workers have done. They got the right stuff. Isn't there any other way?
Mandible: Cutter, you're a fine officer. You have discipline, courage, ability. But you seem to have a certain weakness for the lower orders that I find disturbing. Now, are you with me?
Cutter: Sir, uh… I apologize.
Mandible: All right, then. Seal it up.
Cutter: Yes, sir!
Queen: As I look out on this magnificent tunnel, I am filled with pride.
Z: Jump!
Queen: In these difficult times, it is a great solace to know that you, our workers...
Bala: Mom! Wait!
Z: Every worker in the colony is here. Hey, wait a minute. That guy owes me money.
Queen: This tremendous accomplishment is a testimony to the strength...
Foreman: People! Put your backs into it!
Z: Go warn your mother. I gotta get to those diggers before they break through.
Bala: There's not enough time.
Z: Hey, leave the pessimism to me, okay?
[Z went to the Tunnel while Bala headed to her mother.]
Z: Excuse me! Sorry about that. Excuse me.
Queen: In a few moments when our expert diggers break through to the surface...
Bala: Mom! Mom, stop.
Queen: ...the sun will pour into this... Bala! Where've you been? Are you all right? [hugs Queen]
Bala: I'm fine.
Queen: What happened?
Bala: Mother, we're in terrible danger.
Foreman: Put your backs into it, people.
Z: Wait! Hold... Hey, stop digging!
Weaver: Z? Is that you?
Z: Weaver, stop!
Weaver: Z! You're back!
Weaver: Oh, Z! Oh.
Z: [gasping] Weaver!
Azteca: Z! What's the matter?
Z: Ho-Hold up, everyone. Stop. Stop digging.
Foreman: On whose authority?
Z: On your own authority. If you break through that wall, we're all gonna...
Bala: Drown! This tunnel is going to flood.
Queen: So we've got to get everyone out of here.
Foreman: Look, I got orders, and those orders say "dig."
Z: What if someone ordered you to jump off a bridge? Oh, brother, I'm asking the wrong guy here. Look, think for yourselves!
Foreman: Give me that! I've enough out of you. Get back to work.
Weaver: What's that noise?
Foreman: Uh-oh...
Weaver: Let's get outta here!
Z: Run!
[The hole burst open and water gushed through. Z and the other worker ants started to run for their lives.]
Weaver: Run! Keep going!
Queen: Everyone, listen to me. We've all been deceived.
Queen: We need to calmly head toward the exits.
Digger: Run for your lives! It's gonna flood!
Queen: No. Don't panic. Don't panic!
Worker Ant: Every ant for himself!
Worker Ant: All the exits are blocked!
Worker Ant: We're trapped!
Bala: What are we going to do?
Foreman: There's nothing we can do!
Z: Yes, there is. Weaver, give me a leg up. [climbs on Weaver] Everyone, listen to me!
Worker Ant: Who the heck are you?
Bala: He's Z!
Z: Listen, we gotta help each other get outta here before we all drown.
Worker Ant: How?
Z: By making a ladder.
Female Ant: A ladder!
Z: Hey, if we built this, we can do anything. [jumps off Weaver] Okay, let's move it!
Weaver: I'm on it. All of you, gather around. You, start climbing.
Worker Ant: Grab my arm.
Worker Ant: All right. Here I go.
Worker Ant: Come on.
Worker Ant: Go, go, go!
Worker Ant: Right!
Azteca: Excuse me, Your Majesty. [holds up Queen, by climbing up]
Bala: Z, I've gotta help my Mom.
Z: Don't worry. I know almost exactly what I'm doing. [hugs Bala] I'll see you at the top.
Mandible: Gentlemen, there comes a time, in the evolution of a perfect colony, when the strong are meant to rise above the weak. Now is that time. Below us right now, the weak elements of the colony, are being washed away.
Z: Oh, my God, we're not gonna make it! We need more ants.
Weaver: [grunting] You two better get up there.
Azteca: Weaver, you can't hold it alone.
Weaver: Get GOING!
Z: Hang in there, buddy.
[Z and Azteca began to climb to the top.]
Z: Got it!
Azteca: Hurry up! Go, go, go, go!
[Z began to dig his way to the top.]
Mandible: Our princess is secured, and our glorious future is at hand. We can all stand proud. It is time for a new beginning.
Mandible: What the hell is that?
Cutter: I think that's the weak element, sir.
Z: Gimmie... Gimmie a hand!
Mandible: Z! You? Let go! Don't you understand? It's for the good of the colony.
Z: Wha-What are you saying? We are the colony!
[Mandible is about to strike Z when Cutter knocks his aside]
Mandible: Cutter, what are you doing?
Cutter: Something I should've done a long time ago. This is for the good of the colony, sir.
Mandible: You useless, ungrateful maggot! I am the colony!
Z: [gasps] Look out!
[Z shoves Cutter out of the way, and Mandible collides into him. They both plummet toward the flooded anthill. Mandible smashes against an upturned root, killing him on impact. Z lands in the water, knocked unconcious.]
Bala: Z!
Cutter: Men, let's move it! Get these ants up here!
Azteca: Keep it moving.
Queen: Thank goodness we made it.
Bala: Wait here.
Azteca: Okay. Weaver.
Worker Ant: Thank you.
Bala: Where's Z?
Bala: Oh, no.
Weaver: Back up, everybody, back up! Give him some air. Back up.
Bala: Z, oh, Z. Please wake up.
Azteca: Oh, no. [sobbing]
Z: Yowch!
Azteca: You know, Weaver, you still owe me that dinner.
Weaver: [kisses Azteca] Babylove.
Azteca: We made it, Z!
Weaver: You da ant! [gives him a clap]
Bala: You did it.
Z: We did it. [the ants grab Z and Bala] Fellas, fellas, please. This is very embarrasing for me, I...
[Bala laughs]
Z: On the other hand, I probably could get used to this.
[last lines, as Z finishes narrating]
Z: There you have it. Your average "boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy changes underlying social order" story. So, what else can I tell you? We rebuilt the colony. It's even better than before, you know, 'cause now it has a very large indoor swimming pool. Bala and I, incidentally, are thinking of starting a family, you know, just a few kids, maybe a million or two to begin with. And I'm workin' with a new therapist, you know, terrific, absolutely terrific. He's been putting me in touch with my inner maggot, which is helping me a great deal. And, you know, I finally feel like I've found my place. And you know what? It's right back where I started. But the difference is, this time I chose it.
Category:Transcripts
Category:DreamWorks Animation Transcripts