The Strangely Random

==Prologue (Princess Leah)==
I brushed my long, gorgeous blond hair. It sparkled like glitter, and it shined like the sun. Everything was perfect about my hair. I would braid flowers in it, and put in colorful feathers. It even won 1st place for "The Most Beautiful Hair" award.
My hair was my reputation. Even though I was a princess and lived in the biggest mansion in Sand Water City, and I had a good reputation like that, my hair was the biggest part. I was always on the front cover on hair magazines, and got on television for a shampoo commercial. Everyone would want to touch it, or smell it, or hug it and make me drag them around. After all, my hair was twelve feet long. That should attract people.
I glanced at my hair in the mirror. Suddenly, I began to sweat. "HOLY CRAP, THERE'S A TANGLE!!!" I screamed. I quickly applied some strawberry-scented luxury de-tangling spray and combed it out.
"Aw perfect-no wait, I forgot to add my shine boost spray!" I cried, quickly grabbing it from a bathroom drawer. This continued for about five hours, until my hair was at its perfection. "Peerrrfffeeeecccctt," I purred, primping in the mirror.
Once I got out, I looked at the clock. It was nine thirty PM. I nearly fell over backwards. "I need my beauty sleep and fast!" I cried, and ran into my room to get into my pajamas.
I rummaged through my dresser, trying to find the perfect one. "Yay! I found it!" I shrieked in excitement, pulling out a fluffy pink and purple nightgown.
I put it on then hopped into bed. There were two pillows. No, I'm not married. The other pillow was for my hair. "Good night, beautiful hair!" I exclaimed, turning off my hot pink lamp.
The next morning, I stretched happily. "Good morning, hair!" I exclaimed, turning my head to take in the beauty of my hair. I screamed. My hair wasn't on its pillow. I sat up straight.
"Maybe my hair got out of place!" I assured myself, searching the bed. My hair was no where to be find. I ran around in circles screaming then fell on my face. I looked up to find a razor on the floor. I nervously felt my head for my hair. It wasn't there! I ran over to the hairbrush-shaped mirror in my room and looked. My hair was gone. Completely. I... Was... BALD!
I screamed and ran out of my room to the living room. I tripped over something on the floor. I quickly got up to find a dead person on the floor with a strand of my hair in his hand. "You..." I growled.
This... This was the guy who always stalked me when I left my mansion. He always screamed, "POTATOES ARE AWESOME!!!" Every five minutes. He had a sword in his stomach. I glanced at it and grinned. Suddenly my eyes turned a brownish red instead of a sea blue. I did an evil laugh. "YOU DESERVED IT!!!" I laughed, and kicked him.
I left the house laughing like a maniac and ran into a clothing store called, "Clothing Store For Angry People." I bought a light brown shirt, black high heel boots, and black shorts. I had to buy it because all of my other clothes were bright, happy colors. I ran out and went to a weaponry store called, "Weapons For Angry People." I bought two shotguns and a flamethrower. I ran outside and a thunderstorm came. Lightning struck the sky as I did an evil laugh, dressed in my new clothes and armed with my new weapons. I whirled around to find a model doing poses in a background that was actually the thunderstorm. I growled and destroyed the background.
When I went back to my mansion, the dead guy was gone. I gasped. He turned into a zombie! I did a dramatic action pose and yelled, "I AM A ZOMBIE HUNTER!!! ZOMBIES, BEWARE OF ME!!!"
==Prologue (Bob)==
"Ooh... Shiny..." I mumbled, reaching out to touch her hair. Princess Leah slapped my hand.
"Hey, don't touch my hair you freak!" She yelled in my face then walked off.
I frowned then screamed, "POTATOES ARE AWESOME!!!" I ran off crying, and threw myself in a trash can. "Ooh, hello kitty!" I exclaimed, trying to pet him. I flipped over the trash can and screamed. I had scratches all over me from the stray cat.
"Owwie, bad kitty!" I cried, running away from the cat, thinking he was chasing me when he wasn't. I jumped into a row of trash cans and the same thing happened to me in every one. When I came out of the last one, I decided I was allergic to cats, even though I wasn't.
That was when an orange tabby cat walked up to me. "Meow," she purred.
I screamed. "I'M ALLERGIC TO CATS! STAY AWAY!!!" I screamed. I grabbed an empty soda can and acted like it was a weapon. The cat walked away, thinking, what a weirdo.
I laughed really loudly. "I scared away a cat! I should be able to scare away mean people!" I shouted, running to my next door neighbor's house.
I rang the doorbell multiple times until they answered. The twins Sam and Sami opened the door. (They were goth people, Sam's a boy, Sami's a girl, and they're both murderers but no one knows). "Hello?" Sam sighed, rolling his eyes.
"Roar!" I yelled. (I said the word).
Sami took out a knife. "Are you here to die or something?" She sighed.
"No, I'm here to scare you into giving me a cookie!" I exclaimed.
Sam slammed the door in my face.
"POTATOES ARE AWESOME!!!" I shouted.
"Shut up!" They both shouted from inside. "We're already miserable enough!"
I started to cry. "I can't scare away them..." I mumbled.
But then a lightbulb appeared above my head. Literally. "Eek! Get away from me, light!" I screamed, running away.
Finally, it left and I could concentrate. "Maybe I can say hello to pretty lady!" I exclaimed.
Princess Leah's mansion was really far from my house, so it took me until one o' clock AM for me to get there. "Pretty lady left door unlocked!" I replied. "I want to touch shiny hair!"
So I crept into the house and touched a shiny vase. I knocked it over and it broke. I started to cry. "Why do I have to break everything I touch?!" I cried. "POTATOES ARE AWESOME!!!"
"I'm hungry," I said, calming down immediately. "Maybe shiny lady have potatoes!"
So I walked over to her refrigerator to look for potatoes. There were none. "She doesn't have potatoes?!" I cried, almost fainting.
"She's insane!" I cried. "POTATOES ARE AWESOME!!!"
I had a mental breakdown and flipped over the refrigerator. (Princess Leah is a heavy sleeper).
I pulled out a razor and ran into her room. She was sound asleep with her... Gorgeous, shiny hair on another pillow. Suddenly I started to drool. "Shiny..." I mumbled, reaching out my hand with the razor in it.
I've never gotten to touch pretty lady's hair, I thought. I can now!
I touched her head and I fell over because the noise scared me. The razor went out of control and shaved her entire head. There was one strand left on her head, though. One last strand of beautiful, golden hair. My eyes got really shiny as I pulled it out. I stared at the strand for three hours straight, repeating the word, "shiny."
Finally, I decided to leave and take the hair strand with me. "POTATOES ARE AWESOME!!!" I yelled.
I was about to leave her mansion when something else caught my eye. I turned around to find a silver, shiny sword hanging on the wall, with the words "beautiful hair" carved on it. "What does this do?" I mumbled, holding it in my hands.
"It's so... Shiny!" I exclaimed.
I started running around in circles with it when it stabbed me in the stomach.
"Owwie!" I yelped, then died.
I woke up the next morning, feeling really weird. I got up and had to limp over to a couch in Princess Leah's mansion to sit down. "I don't feel so good," I muttered, falling off the couch.
I slowly walked over to the mirror to look at myself. I fell over. My tan skin had turned into a pasty white, and my eyes were red instead of grey. I got back up and stared. "I'm hungry..." I mumbled.
I was about to yell, "POTATOES ARE AWESOME!!!" But instead, I yelled, "BRAINS ARE AWESOME!!!"
I licked my dry lips. For some reason, brains sounded delicious.
So I ran outside and looked for random people so I could eat their brains.
==Prologue (Sami)==
I pulled out my black umbrella. "Ugh, Sam, I hate going outside," I sighed.
"So do I," Sam sighed.
I sighed. "It's simple," Sam sighed. "Just get a pink dress so we can destroy it with a chainsaw."
I nodded and left. It was a very gloomy and cloudy day in Sand Water City that day. My favorite kind of weather. I walked over to "Clothing Store For Valley Girls" only to run into Candy, one of my next door neighbors. "OMG, like, hiya Sami!" Candy exclaimed.
I popped my neck. "Hello... Candy..." I mumbled.
"Like, OMG, like, they're, like, having a, like, sale!" Candy exclaimed. "Isn't that, like, great?!"
"No," I replied, then shoved her out of my way.
Candy thinks that she's Sam and my BFF, but really, we've been trying to kill her ever since she moved to Sand Water City. And she just HAD to move next door to us. It's impossible to kill her though, because she always bends over to tie her shoe or something. This morning she gave rang the doorbell at three o' clock AM just to give us some stupid blueberry muffins she baked. Annoying, right?
"Sami, like, I thought you, like, hated, like, pink stuff," Candy replied, checking the price of a pink skirt.
"I do," I sighed.
"Well, like, what do you like?" Candy asked.
"Nothing," I growled, almost getting out my pocket knife to stab her.
"Oh, like, come on! You, like, gotta like something!" Candy exclaimed, applying pink lipgloss to her lips.
"I hate everything," I sighed.
"Like, do you like birds, and like, kittens, like, jewelry, cookies, dresses-"
I tore a pink shirt in half in annoyance. "I HATE EVERYTHING IN THIS WORLD, INCLUDING YOU!!!" I screamed in her face.
Everyone in the store was staring at me like, whoa, chill dude.
Then I looked at Candy to see tears swelling up in her putrid green eyes. "You... Like... Don't... LIKE ME???" She cried.
I shook my head. "No, I don't not like you," I replied.
Candy got really happy and screamed, "YAY!!!"
"I hate you," I replied, bursting her bubble.
Candy screamed and ran out the door crying. "Much better," I replied, picking out a horrible pink dress.
I walked up to the counter to pay for it. The lady stared at me with wide, brown eyes in horror at how I was dressed. I guessed she was a valley girl, too.
"Just pay for it," I growled, shoving the dress in her hands.
"That'll b-be s-sixty d-dollars, m-m'am," the lady stammered.
"Sixty dollars? Wow, you guys sell expensive clothes here," I replied, tapping my black fingernails on the counter.
"Y-yes," she stammered.
"But it's not worth it," I pointed out. "Since, after all, you sell terrible clothes here," I replied.
The lady frowned.
"But, here you go," I replied, handing her sixty dollars and ninety nine cents.
"You can keep the change," I replied, walking off.
As I got inside the house, the scent of blood filled my nose. I sniffed it in, feeling relaxed. I was in my dark, spooky house. This was where I belonged. Right as I came in, the doorbell rang repeated times. "Oh no, it's Bob!" Sam sighed, running to the door.
"Ugh, I hate him!" I sighed, following my twin.
When we opened the door, our idiot neighbor Bob was standing there saying the word, "roar."
"Do you want to die or something?" I asked.
He started rambling about something, then Sam slammed the door.
We could hear him yell, "POTATOES ARE AWESOME!!!" From outside.
We told him to shut up since he was so annoying, like the rest of my neighbors.
All of a sudden we heard the doorbell ring again. "Oh no, it's him again."
But when I opened the door, it wasn't him. It was Candy. And guess what? She had a tray of pink cupcakes in her hands. "Like, hiya Sami and Sam!" Candy exclaimed.
We groaned at her annoying voice.
She must've thought that our groans were gasps of happiness at seeing her, because she kept talking.
"Like, I'm sorry what, like, happened in, like, "Clothing Store For Valley Girls," Sami," Candy replied. "I, like, probably upset you. Here, like, take these cupcakes, like, as, like, an apology."
We snatched the cupcakes from her hands then slammed the door in her face. "Like, bye!" She exclaimed fom outside.
Immediately as we got the cupcakes we threw them in the trash then sat on a sofa to mope.
==Prologue (Sam)==
I sighed. And sighed. And sighed once more. My twin sister, Sami was still asleep in her coffin (it had holes poked in it) and the doorbell rang so early. I usually woke up early to start being miserable, but that ring was ear piercing. I dragged myself up to the door and guess what? It was my "BFF" Candy.
"Like, hiya Sam!" Candy exclaimed. "I, like, made you a fresh, like, batch of blueberry, like, muffins," she exclaimed happily.
Her happiness weakened me. I glanced down at the muffins. I sighed. "Someone kill me, please," I groaned. I hated blueberry muffins because it had the color blue in it. And as all people know, goth people like black.
I snatched the tray from her hands then slammed the door in her face. I could hear her voice going, "like, tell me, like, if you like them!"
I actually couldn't answer her question since I threw them in the trash.
I walked over to the refrigerator to find something to eat, but instead I found a person.
"Um... What are you doing in my refrigerator?" I asked.
"Like, OMG, I'm free!" the person, who was a random valley girl screamed and ran out.
I had almost forgotten, Sami and I had put her in there to freeze to death yesterday. Oh well. I looked in the refrigerator for some pistachios, but I found the bag split open with every pistachio gone. I picked it up and looked to find the name, "Random Valley Girl was here" written in lipstick.
"CURSE YOU VALLEY GIRL!!!" I yelled.
After yelling that, I grabbed a "Haterade" and drank it.
It increased my hateful mood.
"Sam," a voice groaned. "Did you buy that pink dress so we can rip it to shreds?"
I turned around to find Sami leaning on the wall.
"No," I moaned.
Sami and I had a long argument who would go outside and get the sun in their face, and I won, forcing Sami to go. "I hate you," she sighed.
"So do I," I sighed.
When Sami left, I decided to go trash Candy's house.
Candy's house is a two-story pink-brick house that looks like some sort of fantasy land or something. Her lawn is nicely mowed, she has a garden with a ton of well-cared-for flowers that all range from different types of flowers and colors. It makes me gag to think about it.
Our house compared to Candy's is really different. Our's is a two-story black-brick house that looks like a haunted house, which it is. Our lawn is over-grown, and our garden's flowers are all dead and weeds have taken over. There's even a dark and spooky mist that is above our house.
I grabbed a ton of toilet paper and plastic bags and went to her house. Candy's pink convertible wasn't there, so she must've left to go shopping for clothes.
I tied the bags to the trees and wrapped toilet paper on her now hideous house. The pretty birds that flew above her house flew away in disgust. The sun even seemed to move away.
I did an evil laugh then went back to the house in success. Of course, I wasn't happy. I'm never happy. I will never be happy IN A MILLION YEARS.
When I walked to the house, I could've sworn I heard some angry screaming, but, of course I didn't care. When I walked to the door, I tripped and fell. I looked at where I had stood and found a huge bouquet of pink flowers and a pink envelope inside the bouquet. I picked it up and read the letter.:
Dear Sam,
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE HALLOWEEN DECORATIONS!!! Halloween's coming up, and it looks PERFECT!!!
Love,
Candy XOXO
I looked up at the sky and screamed, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" for about an hour, then I stopped and walked inside.
Once I drank some Haterade, I made a realization. It wasn't even close to Halloween. It was January.
Eh, oh well.
At least I was miserable.
==Chapter One==
Scan. Scan. Scan. "I'm sorry m'am, but your wig doesn't want to scan, so please pick out another one."
"WHAT?! HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?!"
"M'am, I'm sorry, please check out a different wig."
"NO, I FRICKIN' WANT THIS ONE!"
"I'm sorry, But the price tag is lost, probably forever."
Leah's eye twitched. "No, I want this one, how much do I have to repeat myself?" Leah asked, doing a creepy laugh.
"Many times," the dude replied.
Leah screamed and ran around in circles.
"M'am, please don't restrain yourself," he replied. "I can see you have mental problems."
"I DO NOT HAVE MENTAL PROBLEMS!!!" Leah screamed in the dude's face.
Leah started screaming and rolling on the floors, and the dude called security.
"Um... Yeah, there's this lady who needs to be rushed to a mental hospital right away," he said.
Leah grabbed the cash register and threw it on the floor.
Security came and grabbed Leah and kicked her out of the store.
"AND STAY OUT, RANDOM PERSON THAT I DON'T KNOW WHO NEEDS SOME HAIR!!!" The security guard shouted, slamming the doors shut.
"Ugh, people these days," Leah replied.
"Tell me about it," someone said.
Leah turned around to find a girl with spiky pink hair and a torn black dress. She looked like some sort of bikers girlfriend or something. Her eyes were red, her skin was pale as snow, and she had scratces all over her.
"Name's Sloan," Sloan said.
Leah started to spaz out. "YOU'RE A ZOMBIE!!!" Leah shouted, running around in circles.
Sloan nodded. "Yep, what's the big deal?"
Leah did a dramatic jump and somehow got in her Lara Croft costume.
"I AM LEAH COMB-"
Suddenly Sloan burst out laughing.
"Ha,ha! Leah Comb? What kind of name is that?" she asked.
Leah stopped. "What?" she replied.
"I mean Leah Comb? Did you make that up or something?" she asked.
"No, I was born with that name," Leah said.
"Well, get a new one," Sloan said. "Now if you don't mind, I've got some brains to eat and a stupid boyfriend to deal with."
"Wait you can't leave-" Leah shouted, but Sloan got on a bus with a person dancing on top of it, and it drove off.
Leah kicked an empty can of soda and walked off.
CUT TO SAM AND SAMI'S HOUSE.
"LEAVE US ALONE, CANDY!!!!!" Sam and Sami screamed in her face.
"But, I like, made you, like, sone cupcakes!" Candy whined.
"We have an eight year old cousin coming over, we need to hide stuff!" Sam protested.
Before Candy could answer with her annoying valley girl voice, Sami slammed the door in her face.
Then Bob put his face on the window and shouted, "HELP ME! BRAINS ARE AWESOME!!!" he shouted, but Sloan grabbed him and dragged him off.
Sam and Sami watched Sloan drag him off and covered the windows with the curtains.
MEANWHILE
Leah walked by Random Licorice School for all Random Ages and sighed. "Where did she go?" Leah sighed. Leah kept walking to trip over Bob, laying on the sidewalk.
"You're "OMT, BOB!!!" Leah shouted, grabbing her flamethrower.
"WAIT, BRAINS ARE AWESOME!!!" Bob shouted.
Leah paused. "What?" she asked.
"I need your help," Bob said.
Leah pointed her flamethrower at him. "And why should I trust you?" she asked.
Bob stopped. "I dunno... BRAINS ARE AWESOME!!!"
There was silence, and Leah just stared at Bob. "You're an idiot, aren't you?" she said.
"Yep," he said.
Leah turned around and started walking away. "WAIT!" Bob shouted.
Leah turned around. "What?" she said.
"BRAINS ARE AWESOME!!!" he shouted.
"You're just wasting my time," she said. "By the way, have you ever heard of mouthwash? You need it."
"No, that's not my point! My girlfriend's on a rampage!" he cried. "I need your help."
Leah frowned. "Dude, I'm not helping you. You're the reason why I'm bald," she growled.
"BRAINS ARE AWESOME!!!" Bob shouted, running around in circles.
Leah walked back to her mansion, which she did not know Bob was following her.
(Cut to Sam and Sami's house)
Sam and Sami's door bell rang. "I'll get it," Sami sighed, opening the door. There stood dude (the guy who was trying to scan Leah's wig) and a little girl probably about eight years old. She had on a karate uniform and a girl scout vest and hat.
"Hey, Sami!" Dude said, hugging her tightly. "Hello... Dude," she sighed, pushing her cousin off of her.
"OK, here's Katie," he sajd, putting on soe rollerskates. "You're going to be taking care of her for... Um... Uh..."
Sami pushed Katie into her house then slammed the door in Dude's face.
"Hello... Katie," Sami groaned.
"Are you Sami?" she asked really cutely.
"Yeah..." Sami said.
"Where's your boyfriend Sam?" she asked.
"He's not my boyfriend, he's my twin," she explained. "And he's moping in the attic doing stuff."
"Can I see him?" Katie asked.
"No," Sami said, getting out a bucther's knife and cutting up some meat.
"What's for lunch?" Katie asked, sitting on a chair at the table.
"Nothing," Sami said. "I just like cutting things. It makes me happy." (Sami's not smiling).
Category:MaidenofRock
Category:Stories
Category:Humor