Lego Batman: The Movie – DC Super Heroes Unite/Transcript

- Oh, after you.
- Argh.
- You worried?
- Superman does not worry.
Lex?
Right here.
You diseased maniac.
I'll take it from here.
Woa-ah!
Uh-h.
You feel okay, superman?
Oh.
Huh?
Crash
Hmm.
Hmm?
Argh!
Lex, I'm surprised
you took time away
From your
presidential campaigning
And came to gotham city
for this.
Oh, dear lady, as a nominee
it's my pleasure
And privilege to be here.
Especially, if you win.
And now, ladies and gentlemen.
The moment you've all
been waiting for.
We're here tonight
to honor a great man.
A man who has proved
time and again
'his first priority
is helping those in need. '
This year's
man of the year award
Goes to... Bruce wayne.
Next year, buddy.
I despise that guy.
Bruce, will you say a few words?
Well, there's not much to say.
I do what little I can.
Since every once in a while
everyone needs a helping hand.
Though I'm not sure
I deserve an award for it.
'You heard him.
He doesn't deserve it. '
'Which is just as well, since
we got a last minute entry. '
'Who has been there for you? '
'One man who has
made it his mission'
'to improve the lives
of people around him. '
'He has remodeled
our buildings. '
'Helped keep our banks free
of unnecessary clutter. '
'You have always shown
your appreciation. '
'What you need?
We'll do anything for you. '
'And why stop now? '
Ha ha!
A standing ovation!
Did not expect that.
But I'll take it.
And also, everything else.
Uh-uh.
Excuse me, sir.
I'm going to purr-loin
your valuables.
Riddle me this.
What's green
and found in your wallet?
- Money?
- Um, no. Not anymore.
Wait!
Sorry, to rain
on your terrain, my dear.
Quack, quack,
quack, quack.
- Thanks so much.
- Oh.
Well, well, lex luthor.
Presidential candidate
And superman's
least favorite bald person.
No, thanks. I don't
want to get joy buzzed.
Oh, don't worry,
I didn't want to shake hands.
I want your watch.
Nice running into you.
- Let's do it again some time.
- Oh, we will.
- Speech.
- Come on, joker.
- Speech.
- Come on.
What a night, such an honor.
I'm speechless.
Ah, who am I kidding?
When am I ever speechless?
Look at that face.
It's like, what's he gonna say?
What's going to come out
of that mouth of his?
Crash
Sorry, to wipe
that grin off your face, joker.
You're not sorry,
you're not sorry at all.
Riddle me this, batman.
What wears a mask
and is unconscious?
You.
Whoosh
Let's get him.
- Ahh!
- Ah!
Let's ask the coin?
Crash
Ha ha ha.
- 'Get going, robin. '
- 'I was waiting for you. '
Quack, quack,
quack, quack.
Quack, quack, quack.
Crash
Crash
Ah, my kind of party.
Good food, good people.
Good goody bags.
Hey, bat-lame and slobin.
Why are you guys hanging around?
Ha! You see what I did there?
We're here to get those
valuables you stole, joker.
And bruce wayne's
man of the year award.
This is my award
It very clearly says,
me, joker.
Oh, you just-you ju...
You just stuck that on there.
Whoa-a!
Robin, focus on your flying.
'Sorry. '
Whoa!
Oh, I missed.
Joker: You like shark, Batman?
'Because I think
they're going to like you. '
Argh!
Oh, come on!
I can't keep up.
I'll take it from here.
Oh-he-e.
Swoosh
Joker: You like missiles, batman? Because I think they're going to like you.
Huh!
Let's see, what do we have?
Oh, good. You like pie, batman?
'Cause I think...
Ah, forget it.
Argh!
Where does he get
these unbreakable toys?
Clang
Oh, come on!
Oh, see, now you get out!
You are afraid of a real fight.
Yeah, you're so scary.
Watch the suit, boys.
Thanks for helping out, batman.
Hey, you know,
I also was... Part of this.
Hey, guys, need a hand?
With what? Parking?
Huh?
Yeah, sorry. I wanted to
be there for your award.
Ah, I mean, uh,
bruce wayne's award.
- Me too. Kids weren't invited.
- Mmm.
So, saw you put a big hole
in the theatre.
I'll get it repaired.
I already did that.
Also, I put your boat
back in the water.
Hey, thanks!
Yeah, thanks.
You know, you should really try
not to make such a mess
While you're fighting crime.
I can see you smirking in there.
X- ray vision.
Aren't there people
somewhere else
That need your help right now?
Yeah, actually there are.
I should go. See you, guys.
Bye, superman!
- He's so nice.
- Yeah, he's great.
You were kinda rude.
I was doing a systems check.
See you at the batcave.
Swoosh
Scenes of chaos
tonight at the gotham city theatre
Where the joker has interrupted
The prestigious
man of the year awards.
Watch the suit, boys.
This was the fifth annual man of
the year ceremony held in gotham
But only the second to be
brought to a premature end
'by a gang of rampaging
villains. '
Computer... I have
an election to win.
Grr.
Looks like another stay
in arkham asylum for the joker.
Hmm.
Love you, joker!
I'll win in a landslide.
Huh?
Oh, come on.
'First batman, second superman. '
Kryptonite.
'Batman seems to have
recovered all the stolen property'
Including bruce wayne's
man of the year award.
The only thing left for joker,
a swift return to arkham asylum.
Along with the title,
goon of the year.
This is clark kent
on assignment in gotham city
For daily planet online.
'Hey! '
I was watching that.
Too much television
is bad for you, pumpkin.
How does he
sneak all that stuff in?
Clark kent!
Really despise that guy.
Coming all the way
to gotham city to insult me.
Me, a hometown boy
who made good.
'You're right.
You don't deserve that. '
That's right. I don't.
Eh, wait. Who said that?
'How would you like
to be out of arkham right now'
'and given a chance
to take revenge on batman'
'and the rest
of this ungrateful city? '
Well, I'd have to be crazy
to say no to that offer.
Unless you're just
one of the voices in my head.
In which case,
I'm crazy anyway.
What!
Bang
Oh, hey, lex!
You've come to get
your watch back?
Or did a bus from metropolis
get lost and breakdown?
First, I don't take the bus.
And second,
yes, give me my watch.
So, what you got there?
This, my friend,
is the deconstructor.
It emits a unique energy.
One that is absorbed so quickly
by any... Shiny black object
That it causes
it to pull itself apart.
What!
Nifty! What's it got
to do with me?
First, I need help
replacing its power source.
It doesn't run on aa batteries.
Kryptonite.
And second, I might need
some of that joker gas
You are so good at making.
Oh, yeah.
I guess that could
come in handy
For someone
running for president.
You help me, you can use
the deconstructor
To your heart's content.
Quack, quack...
Know anybody who has lots of
shiny, black, unbreakable toys?
I don't know
who you're referring to.
Come on! Batman!
Oh. You were...
Joking. I'm the joker.
'Prisoner escape!
Repeat, prisoner escape! '
We should be going.
Can I just have one try?
A- ah!
Joker, come on.
It's a shame.
Now someone's going
to have to fix this.
But the good news
is, I'm out of prison.
Joker!
Hey, what's going on?
- It's a riddle.
- Oh, come on!
That's my thing.
'Justice league
watchtower calling batman. '
Justice league watchtower
calling batman.
This is batman.
Just checking your location
in case of emergency.
I'm in the batcave.
Sounds like an emergency.
It's alright. I got it.
You got dressed fast.
Well, I've just started
sleeping in the costume now.
Whoa!
May I?
Oh, well,
I think I should do it.
I thought you were going
to let me play with that thing.
Dah! What's this?
Do I need this?
Boom
Nah!
Joker, could we
move things along?
You're no fun
to shop with, lexie.
Grr!
Whoa!
Hey!
Wait!
Stop!
Okay, we can go.
On second thought,
I have an idea!
Joker, come on!
I'm an artiste.
I like to challenge myself
with a bigger canvas.
Commissioner.
Oh, thank goodness you're here.
No problem, jim.
Commissioner gordon
is what you need to call him.
What's the situation?
There's been a breakout
at arkham.
'The bridge
automatically submerges'
'during a prison break. '
'Unfortunately, it's so old'
'it takes a long time
to raise again. '
Crash
I'll get over there
and start cleaning up.
Batman, wait for me.
- You won't make it.
- Oh, yeah? Watch me.
Uh, robin, I think you should
listen to your-your-your batman.
Don't worry about me, jim.
Uh, commissioner gordon.
Oh, man, should've listened.
Should've listened.
Yep, should've listened.
Hey, come on, get him.
Yeah.
Eat a brick, batman!
What do we do?
You put your bike back together,
I'll take care of this.
'They've got the high ground. '
But I've got better aim.
Ouch!
Wow! That was easy.
A little too easy.
They were only meant
to distract us.
From what?
Boo!
Holy baloney!
Totally scared catwoman.
Did you see that?
Oh, robin.
Come on, you've got to
give me this one.
Now, robin,
what were you saying?
Something catty, I believe.
Alright, everybody, back inside.
Let's ask the coin.
Yeah, the coin says "no. "
You know that's where
you're gonna end up eventually.
Not this time.
Boo!
Perfect!
You brought my bike.
Oh! Oh! Can I drive?
I wanna drive.
You gotta let me drive.
Sorry, harley quinn,
the coin says "no. "
You take catwoman.
I'll get the three in the jeep.
- What about the others?
- We've got time.
Bane's mole machine
is not built for speed.
Go.
Bad news, two-face.
Batman's on our tail.
So, we'll lose him
in the sculpture garden.
Okay.
Oh, for crying out loud!
Left or right?
Left.
What are you doing? Turn!
Oh, without the coin
I don't know which way to go.
Oh, stop it.
Crash
Riddler baby, you should've...
Let you drive.
I know!
Ha ha ha.
You're not gonna find any cheese
in this maze, rat-boy.
Rat-boy?
You get rat-boy from robin?
A- ah!
You were saying... Something
catty, I believe.
Aha!
It's defined now!
Bang
I can't control it.
Click
Boom
Bang
Ow!
Bang
Argh!
Boom boom boom.
Well, we contained
the break out.
All the prisoners
are accounted for.
Except the joker.
He must've been
the first one to break out.
Smuggled in some kind
of explosives.
No, I don't think so.
There'd be blast marks,
powder burns, something.
It's as if the bricks
just flew out.
Well, yeah. No, I mean,
you didn't let me finish.
I was gonna say, was gonna say
smuggled in some explosives
Which would be the usual way,
he would break out.
Which he didn't, because there
is no sign of an explosive.
Mm-hmm.
Hey, look at this.
Mm-hmm. Looks like some kind
of residual radiation.
Packaging remote tie-in.
Bat computer.
Remote tie-in, active.
Identify residual radiation.
Radiation
consistent with energy signature
Of u. S. Defense department
project.
J.S. G- 817 currently under
development at lex corp.
Well, I think we know
who broke joker out of prison.
Lex luthor.
What would an upstanding
presidential candidate
Like lex luthor
want with the joker?
I've heard that lex luthor
may not be so upstanding.
You might wanna tell somebody.
Election day is tomorrow.
Sir, there's been a break in
at ace chemicals.
Wouldn't be surprised
if that was joker's first stop.
Wait!
Ha-ha-ha.
buffalo gal won't you
come out tonight
come out tonight
buffalo gal won't you
come out tonight
and dance by the light
of the moon
Blurp
Joker, how's it coming?
You can't mess
something like this.
Ding
Oh!
Lex! It's a boy.
Ha-ha-ha.
Duh-duh-duh.
Argh!
Just like arkham.
So, I can stop carrying this?
I mean, now
we have other samples.
L- I can't go anywhere
without making a mess.
He didn't just break in here
to do this.
Come on.
Promethium, xenon, mercury,
tantalum and dialum.
And those aren't the chemicals
he spilt all over the floor?
No.
So, uh, we're gonna leave now,
right?
Yes.
Boom
Got to give it to the joker,
that is kinda cool.
It'll be really cool
when that fire ignites
The rest of the chemicals
in the building.
What's that?
Acid. It'll soften the planks.
Poof
Boom
Ooh!
Oh!
Hey, guys.
- Wow!
- Calm down.
Ha ha ha.
Whoo.
Again.
Wow! That is great.
Isn't that great, batman?
Destroyed all the evidence
of the crime scene.
So, who blew this up?
Long story.
We've got it covered.
Okay, well, just let me know,
uh, volcano in mexico.
Call me, if you need me.
Uh, batman, maybe he could
help with this.
I mean, he's had
a lot of experience
Dealing with lex luthor.
We don't need him.
Well, it seems like
just now we needed him.
We'd have been fine
jumping off the roof.
I think we would have
broken our legs.
We've broken our legs before.
Yeah, but I didn't like it.
I mean, if we just call him.
Batman: Robin. We can't go through life expecting Superman Or anyone else to save us whenever things get tough. The only people we can rely on, is ourselves.
Bat computer, tie-in.
Bat computer
remote tie-in. Active.
Access chemical database.
What substance can be produced
to recombination
Of the following chemicals?
Promethium, xenon, mercury,
tantalum and dialum?
Accessing.
No substance found.
What substance can be
approximated
Through the combination
of the chemicals?
'Accessing. '
'Listed chemicals can
combine to form'
'an approximation
of kryptonite. '
Kryptonite?
We better call superman.
Batman: We're not... Going to call Superman.
Activate tracking systems.
Detect nearby sources
of kryptonite.
Affirmative.
There it is.
Maybe, we should
let superman know.
We do and we'll be
putting him in danger.
Can we ever leave together?
Ugh!
No!
You tricked me.
Oh, don't worry.
Ha ha ha.
Nice job.
So, lex, when you're president
Can I be vice president?
I think we've got company.
You didn't answer my question.
Click.
'Auto drive, activated. '
Click.
Poof
Ugh!
Aha!
Kryptonite.
Batman!
Argh!
Pow
Oh, my goodness. Beaten again.
No hard feelings.
Hmm.
Uh-ah!
Click
Bang
Argh!
Whoo-ho-ho.
Uh... Where's your car?
Argh!
Bang
Substance is 84%
similar to kryptonite.
No harmful effects
to natives of krypton.
'That doesn't make sense. '
I had the bat mobile
tracking kryptonite.
It wouldn't have picked this up.
There must have been
kryptonite in the van.
What's the point
of making kryptonite
That wouldn't harm
superman anyway.
We'll put it away with the other
kryptonite just to be safe.
'Why do we have
so much of this stuff? '
I keep it in case superman
decides to be a bad guy one day.
You expect the worst
of everybody.
Yeah.
What's happened?
We've lost the signal.
Don't worry.
It's directly ahead.
Beyond these walls, friend
Lie the keys
to the destruction of superman.
And batman too, right?
Sure. Yeah. Fine.
'Intruder
alert! Intruder alert! '
Someone's broken
into the batcave?
'Fake kryptonite. '
It was a homing device.
We were set up.
Hello! Anybody home?
We're here.
And we brought deserts.
Come on, we're guests.
You can't offer us
a lousy cup of coffee?
Ah!
Hey, is that the batboat?
Bang
Oh, gee. Ha ha.
Could've sworn
it was there a minute ago.
Hey, look.
The batwing.
Oh. Must be seeing things.
We gotta get outta here.
- But, batman...
- go.
Hey, batman,
penny for your thoughts?
Bang
Oh! Are we going upstairs?
I'd love to see
the rest of the place.
Bang
Going down.
Boom
We don't have a lot of time.
Jump!
Uh-oh!
Argh!
Let him go, we have
to find the vault.
You're right. It's time
to serve desert.
Where does he keep
the kryptonite?
I just know he has it.
Not where he hides it.
Computer, where
is the kryptonite?
Kryptonite
location is protected
By security access codes.
Computer, do you know who I am?
Lex luthor,
presidential candidate
Owner and founder
of lexcorp industries.
Very good. Now, I'd like...
A corporation
that serves as a cover
For a variety of luthor's
criminal operations.
Whoo hee-hee.
Involving smuggling, robbery,
extortion, bribery.
Yeah, alright. That's enough.
Here. Let me do it.
Yeah!
Security access, verified.
Whoosh
- Hmm.
- Huh.
How much time do we have
before those pies go off?
Oh, like five minutes.
Boom
Maybe that was five seconds.
- Run.
- Argh!
Maybe we should call
for superman.
Go ahead.
Hey, superman!
See, you can't rely on anyone.
Boom
Kaboom
Nice job.
Art is always better
if it's bigger.
Hey, isn't that
bruce wayne's mansion?
Bruce wayne?
Really despise that guy.
Hey, guys, sorry
it took me a second.
Boom
Hey, batman, I think
I fixed the whirly-bat.
Crash
Uh.
I'm... Gonna go work
on the batboat now.
Why didn't you tell me
luthor was involved?
I was handling it.
Yeah, looks like you had
it all under control.
Look, I'll hang around
and give you a hand.
Remember, I can do anything.
Swoosh
You know what was in there?
- What?
- Kryptonite.
Aha!
Boom
That's what they wanted
the whole time.
It must be what powers
that deconstructing device.
I picked up krypton
on the batmobile scanner.
So, now they can neutralize
your gadgets and my powers.
Question is why?
What are they up to?
I don't know.
Tomorrow is election day,
so we're running out of time.
We'll just have to go
ask lex luthor.
You're just going to walk right
into lexcorp headquarters?
Yep. You worried?
Superman does not worry.
'We can take this to get there. '
Introducing, the
new, flying batboat.
- You need a hand?
- No, I'm good.
A- ah!
Ugh!
Vice president joker.
Doesn't quite sound right,
does it, lex?
Not really. No.
Alright, sun will be up soon
And the voters will be heading
out to vote. Let's shut it down.
'Okay, did not need
to turn off all the lights. '
Not the way I like to travel.
Come on, cheer up, sourpuss.
Not cool.
Swoosh
- Oh, after you.
- Argh.
We're here to see lex luthor.
And you are?
Seriously?
Seriously.
I'm superman. He's batman.
Are those last names?
Even his receptionist is evil.
- Just one name each.
- Like madonna.
Oh, I see, you're down here.
Mr. Luthor is expecting you.
First elevator.
What's that song?
Sounds familiar.
I don't listen to music.
Either of you guys know
the score of the game?
I don't follow sports.
Seven-three, st. Louis. Ah.
Ah, shouldn't have asked.
Nice costumes.
Hmm.
Lex?
Right here.
I'll take it from here.
Hmm.
Woa-ah!
'You feel okay, superman? '
I hope you voted
before you got here.
'Because you might
not be leaving. '
You diseased maniac.
No one is going
to elect you president.
Oh, yes, they will.
Once we've flown
over the country
Dispensing my friend, joker's
gas, I'll win in a landslide.
I was going to be
vice president
But I changed my mind.
It wasn't working for me.
Since I was deprived
of the man of the year award
In gotham city, we're
starting at their city hall.
Sorry, you won't be there.
'When I'm president,
I'll build a statue of you. '
Oh!
You're not going
to build him a statue.
No, I'm not. But you won't
be there to call me on it.
Wait a second!
What are you going to do
to the dynamic dumdum?
Joker, I have
an election to win.
But who will I play with
if he's dead?
Robin's still around.
If we eliminate batman
Robin will probably put on
the suit and say he's batman.
No, it won't be the same.
Crash
Wow, did not expect that.
Let's go get out the vote.
'Alright. '
What the...
Boom
Crash
Joker, do you know
how expensive that was?
I've no idea what it cost, no.
Swoosh
Crash
Nice plan.
Now, we know what they're up to.
Plop
- We have to get to gotham city.
- I should warn you.
I fly close to that kryptonium...
We'll cross that bridge
when we get to it.
Whoosh
Swoosh
Thwack
Whoosh
I thought I took care of him.
If I had a dollar
for every time I said that.
Keep flying.
I'll deal with this.
Woa-ah!
Ah! Lex, we're losing altitude.
Crash
- You alright?
- Yeah.
Being that close
to the kryptonite weakened me.
We bought ourselves
a few minutes.
We've got to get
to the centre of town.
I don't think I can fly yet.
I guess we can get
there some other way.
Splash
Hiss
Two dollars or a token.
Uh...
I have tokens.
Fellow citizens, thank
you for joining me today.
I don't want to keep you
from voting for too long.
I just wanna say a few words.
'What do you think of
your presidential candidate? '
We love him.
And you'll do anything he says?
- We'll do anything he says.
- We want him as president.
Let's go vote for him.
That's good to hear.
Now, I have a lot of other
campaign stops to make today.
So, just say it with me now.
Vote for...
Joker.
- Joker for president.
- We love joker.
Oh, did I forget to mention?
The gas just works for me.
Sorry. Oversight.
You, dirty double-crosser!
You tricked me.
I said vice president
didn't work for me.
President joker.
Now, that sounds right.
The vice part
goes without saying
Now get in and I'll let you
be vice president.
Don't be such an idiot!
They're going to take off.
I've got some
of my strength back.
The kryptonite.
I'll slow them down, batman.
It'll be up to you to stop them.
Bang
Thud
This time, lex
I'm going to pull
batman apart... Literally.
Woa-ah!
Swoosh
Huh?
Crash
Robin... Great job.
What?
I... Think I'm going to cry.
Get goin'.
Oh.
Take a left up here.
Take a hard right.
Now left.
- We're not losing them.
- I'm not trying to. Left again.
- Where have you been?
- Getting some help.
Well, batman, any last words?
Yeah. Look, you're on tv.
Ah... Oh, it's beautiful.
It's also visible
from space, you idiot.
Calling all justice leaguers.
'Calling all justice leaguers. '
'Calling all justice leaguers. '
'Calling all justice leaguers. '
'Calling all justice leaguers. '
Ugh.
What do you want to do?
Well, I do despise,
bruce wayne.
Ah.
- Thanks.
- You don't let go yet.
Alright. I wasn't going to.
Uh.
:Green Lantern: Why is a giant robot climbing up Wayne Tower?
:Cyborg: Giant robot? Let's get it!
:Batman: Follow me. I, uh, know my way around this place.
Come and get me.
Ha, ha, ha.
- Ah...
- Uh.
Yeah... Ah, ah, ah.
Aye, aye.
Let me shake you
by the hand.
Jump!
Ya...
'Ha, ha, ha. '
Oh, you're so strong.
Come on.
Go.
Phew.
- Thanks.
- Huh?
Ugh.
We have to stop them.
Ha, ha, ha.
- Are you my mother?
- Yes, give us a hug.
- Ha, ha, ha.
- Ha, ha. That tickles.
Ugh!
I'm gonna need
a little help here.
Get the power source.
It's in his chest.
- Argh.
- Ugh.
Wonder woman.
Lead your plane.
Uh?
Wow! Ha ha ha.
- Well, that was fun.
- Ugh...
Ah.
There is a little good news.
At least, you're not
going to be president.
- Great work, batman.
- I have to admit.
I couldn't have done it without
a little help from my friends.
Uh, a little?
Well, bruce wayne said,
when he was given
The, man of the year award...
...That "everybody
needs help now and again. "
Well, he was a wise man.
:Robin: What did you do with all the kryptonite?
:Wonder Woman: I put it in a safe place. We might need it one day if Superman decides to go bad.
:Batman: See? I'm not the only one.
- You know, I can hear you.
So bats, you need a little help
rebuilding the bat cave?
- No, robin and I...
- yes, we'd like some help.
Say it with me.
Okay, we probably
could use some.
Are, are you asking me?
Are you asking me to help you
rebuild the bat cave?
Well, no. I was asking,
green lantern.
I don't think
this is your color.
'Jovian. '
Brainiac: I have located it.
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