Kindergarten Cop/Transcript

1
Excuse me.
Shithead.
You shouldn't be here.
I know. Ask for
at least $1,000, okay?
I'll get as much
as I can. You hide.
His wife took his kid
and a couple of million...
and we won't
get a thousand.
Shut up
and stay hidden.
I told him
I was coming alone.
Hey, Mr. Crisp.
How's it going?
You said you had information
about my family.
Yeah, yeah, I do.
Well, let's have it.
Well, it's going to cost you.
Like $1,000?
Okay, that's obviously
not my final offer.
750 would be fine.
I mean, more than fine.
Just tell me what
you have, Danny...
and I'll take
good care of you.
Okay.
That sounds fair.
I was doing a delivery
for Corky last week
out of state...
and I ran into your ex.
How'd she look?
She looked great,
Mr. Crisp. Yeah.
She changed her hair
and stuff...
but she looked like
a million dollars.
In fact, she looked like
about $3 million.
Did she see you?
No. I was
changing a tire...
and suddenly, there she was
across the street...
taking her kid
into this school.
My boy?
Looked great.
He looked very healthy.
It's a real nice, healthy place
where they're living.
It snows in winter there.
Danny...
where are they?
At the school
where I saw them...
Astoria Elementary School.
That's...
It's in Astoria, Oregon.
All right.
Did you tell
anyone else this?
No.
No way.
Hey, I'm not stupid,
Mr. Crisp.
You're not?
Danny.
Danny! No!
Danny!
Danny!
Get up!
Don't you die on me!
I didn't kill him.
I didn't kill him.
Was it Crisp?
I don't know.
I didn't see anything.
What are you doing?
Hey, hey, hey!
Stop it! Don't do that!
Don't go anywhere.
Let me go!
No! Let me off of him!
I don't like
what you've done.
I really don't like it.
It feels terrible,
and it looks dreadful.
I'm trying my best.
Maybe your best
isn't good enough.
I'm back.
Oh, great.
Well, that was fast.
It was easy.
I have some great, exciting,
wonderful news, Mother.
Oh, you always
exaggerate, Cullen.
Everything is always
great, terrific.
So, what's so great?
I just found out
where they're hiding.
Are you serious?
You really know where he is?
Manicure, Mr. Crisp?
Oh, how could I
say no to you?
Tell me.
What's happened?
Just let me
handle this myself, Mother.
I know what I'm doing.
Everything is under control.
It's all right.
I'm a police officer.
Crisp, you're under arrest.
Put your hands on your head
and get up!
Kimble, not again!
Your hands!
They're up.
When will you
leave me alone?
Drop the gun!
Drop the gun!
Hey, I'm a police officer.
This is an arrest.
This man's crazy.
Look at him.
He'll kill me.
You're just going to stand there?
Freeze!
I'm a cop!
I'm Detective John Kimble.
This man is under arrest.
I'm checking.
You can't just walk in here
and put a gun in my face.
I'm trying to get a manicure.
I have witnesses.
I have a witness, too.
It's murder one this time.
Now you're mine.
The bastard handcuffed me
to a dead man!
A dead man!
Come on. Sit down.
Now, did Danny ever say
what Crisp's wife looked like?
No.
Did he ever say what name
she was using in Oregon?
He didn't say anything.
Look, I just
want to go home.
After the lineup,
I'll drive you home.
I'll even buy you dinner.
I'll even cook you dinner.
I'm not doing any lineup...
and there ain't jack shit
you can do about it!
I've been after Crisp
for four years...
and she's letting
my key witness walk away?
Kimble, sit down!
Sit down.
- Sit.
- Sit.
Now listen to me.
He killed your boyfriend.
All you have to do
is point your finger...
and we can put him away
for 30 years.
He wasn't my boyfriend.
I hardly knew the guy.
I know you're in there.
I know what you want,
but you ain't getting it.
No lineup, no testimony.
So shove your handcuffs
up your ass!
Now let me out of here!
Slow down!
Open it and let me out!
O'Hara, meet Kimble.
Kimble's been on this
a long time.
Hi.
Let me take care of Cindy.
She'll make Crisp.
I guarantee it.
What are you going to do...
handcuff her to your car
and take her for a ride?
I'm not going to offer
to cook her dinner.
Kimble, hold on a second. L...
Difficult man.
Got to get to know him.
Oh, I can't wait.
Hey, baby.
What you mean, "Hey, baby"?
Dnde vas?
Shit!
Oh, excuse me.
I forgot to introduce myself.
My name is John Kimble...
and I love my car.
I'll keep an eye
on it for you.
You got a beautiful ride.
Shit. Who does
he think he is?
He's lucky I didn't
kick his ass.
Open up.
You can't come in.
Thank you.
What the fuck?
All right...
party's over.
Everyone go home.
Next time, my place.
So who are you, man?
Shit!
I'm the party-pooper.
Hi, Cindy.
Do you mind if I sit down?
No.
Sit down, man.
Oh, it's so nice
to see you again.
What are you doing here,
you asshole?
Cindy, I don't like you
using foul language...
not a classy girl
like you.
Don't you have
anything better to do?
You don't understand.
I have nothing else to do...
and I have nowhere else to go.
Why are you staring
at me like that?
I like you, Cindy.
I'm going to be
around you a lot...
days, nights,
weekends, holidays.
No.
No, you can't.
Yes, I can.
I'm going to
hang out with you
until the end of time.
All right, move it in. Let's go.
Step onto the numbers.
Face front.
Everybody, hands to your side.
That's the creep.
Who?
Number five.
That's him.
Good.
Very good.
Mr. Crisp, you will be
remanded into custody
until your trial.
Bailiff, remove the prisoner.
Shh. Don't say anything.
Just take it easy.
I'll take care of it.
Trust me.
You know what to do?
I'm your mother, aren't I?
Mind if I talk
to my friend a little bit?
I'm not talking to anybody
without my lawyer.
He's right in here.
You give me the names
of your drug suppliers
and distributors...
and I'll tell the judge
what a nice, cooperative killer
you are.
You think the jury's
going to convict me
on the testimony
of that junkie?
You could be right.
But what about your wife?
You remember her?
All that hard-earned drug money
she stole from you?
How much was it...
$3 million?
I bet she would make
a much better witness.
Kimble, you've wasted years
chasing after me...
and what has it
gotten you, hmm?
Nothing.
I'll be out in a week...
and you'll still be
eating take-out food
in that dump you live in.
Yeah, I know all
about you, Kimble.
Without me, you wouldn't
even have a life.
My old lady left
'cause of the money.
Yours left because she just
couldn't stand the sight of you.
I've never seen anyone
so little
eat so much.
Yeah, I know.
I'm hypoglycemic.
If I don't eat regularly...
I get a little nuts.
So... where you from?
Austria.
How long you been a cop?
I been a cop for 12 years.
My father was a cop...
my brother was a cop...
my mother was a cop's wife.
And I have no hobbies.
You two are booked on the first
flight to Portland tomorrow.
Locate Crisp's wife
and offer her immunity
in exchange for
her testimony against him.
No offense to O'Hallahan...
but this is my case,
and I work alone.
He works alone.
Not anymore.
She's going in undercover
as a substitute
kindergarten teacher.
Not exactly a job for you.
I used to be a teacher.
We'll be fine.
What do I do?
She locates the kid...
you find the mother
and the cash...
and Crisp spends his life
making license plates.
Bon voyage.
Oh, and, Kimble,
the name's O'Hara.
OK. Here's the wife at 17.
Real name's Rachel Myatt.
She's from Hannibal, Missouri,
class of '76.
Cheerleader, first violin
in the school orchestra...
captain of the girls'
softball team.
Her ambition was "To travel...
experience life...
and meet interesting people."
Like Crisp.
Okay.
Relax.
Don't let him get to you.
That's her 10 years later.
It's a great shot of an ear.
You get in touch
with her parents?
They're both dead.
The only relative
she's got left is the kid.
Hey.
Okay. This is the only picture
we have of him.
Cullen Jr., aged 3 months.
That helps much.
It's the best I could do.
Breakfast, sir? Ma'am?
Please.
No. No, no.
That's a first.
Listen, I was
just thinking.
Maybe we should
take a wild stab
at getting to know each other
before we have to pretend
we're married.
What do you want to know?
How long have we been married?
A long time.
People won't expect us
to talk much to each other.
I want to read it, too.
Stop it.
Please?
Let me take a look.
Hey, come here.
If you don't stop
screwing around back there...
this is what
I'll do with you.
Ohh.
What's the matter?
I don't know.
I just don't feel so good.
You hungry?
I got to get out
of here right now.
Get those tree stumps
out of my way
before I vomit all over them.
Is your wife okay, sir?
Compared to what?
Maybe it was the burrito.
Or it could've been the sausages.
I don't think it was
the crab salad.
It couldn't
have been the doughnuts.
Excuse me.
Oh, I hate feeling like this.
I hate it, too.
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh what?
Uh-oh...
pull over.
Now?
Yeah. Please hurry.
The key!
Give me the key!
Do you need a hand?
You okay?
I'm fine.
I'll be fine.
Class starts
at 9:00 in the morning.
I'll be fine.
You look much better already.
Oh. Kindergarten, 6-year-olds.
That's why I quit teaching,
you know.
I got so sick
of other people's kids.
I was afraid that
I'd never want to have any
of my own.
I have a son.
He's 13.
I remember
when he was 5.
He lives with his mother
and stepfather.
Aah!
What's the matter?
What...
is...
that?
Oh, excuse me.
I forgot to tell you.
This is my ferret.
He doesn't bite.
Don't worry.
Come on.
Come on out.
This is all I need...
an obstacle.
A goddamn obstacle.
He sends me an obstacle.
Here.
Oh, God.
Don't worry.
I'm going to make it.
I just need a minute.
I'll be ready
in just a minute.
I just got...
Oh, God.
How do I look?
Take off the gun.
That's a good idea.
The little bastards
are going to eat you alive.
Get some rest,
and don't worry.
I've been working undercover
for a long time.
They're 6-year-olds.
How much trouble
can they be?
On second thought...
take the gun.
Matthew...
I sent you to
the principal's office
because you punched Jenny.
I know. She poisoned
your hamsters.
She told me all about it...
and she's very sorry.
And I'm sorry that
I didn't believe you.
- But you shouldn't punch people.
- But she...
Mr. Kimble, Miss Schlowski
will see you now.
Let's go back to class.
Can I help you?
I'm John Kimble,
your new kindergarten teacher.
We were expecting
a Miss O'Hara.
There's been
a change of plan.
Four weeks into
the new semester...
my superintendent told me
I had to replace Mrs. Hagley...
a kindergarten teacher
of 25 years' experience...
with an undercover
police officer...
and he wouldn't even tell me why.
I don't suppose you
would do me the courtesy
of filling me in.
I can't do that.
Oh.
You can't do that.
I'm watching you.
All I have to do
is tell my parents
that you're
with the police...
and they'll yank their kids
out of this school so fast...
we'd have to close.
And don't you think I won't
if I feel my children
are in any danger.
They're not in danger.
I assume you have
some teaching experience.
They wouldn't have
sent me otherwise.
Just wait here a minute.
Everybody sit down
on the carpet!
Good morning, everyone.
Good morning, Miss Schlowski.
Your teacher, Mrs. Hagley
had to go on
an important trip.
Where'd she go?
That doesn't matter.
Did she die?
No, Lowell.
She went to see someone.
Did they die?
No, Lowell.
Everyone dies, you know.
I know, but not
for a long, long time.
Now, until Mrs. Hagley
comes back...
we have someone special to help.
This is Mr. Kimble...
your new kindergarten teacher.
Now, let's everybody say,
"Good morning, Mr. Kimble."
Good morning, Mr. Kimble.
Good morning.
They're all yours.
I'll be watching you.
Hi.
How are you?
I'm very happy to be here.
First I would like
to just get to know you.
Quiet.
I'm going to ask you
a bunch of questions.
I want to have them
answered immediately.
How many of you
were born in Astoria?
Raise your hands.
Let's see them.
Okay, hmm.
Now, anyone that was not
born in Astoria...
somewhere outside
like California...
raise your hands.
Yes.
I need to go
to the bathroom.
Okay. You can go.
Boys have a penis.
Girls have a vagina.
Thanks for the tip.
Yes?
I need to go
to the bathroom...
and I can't get
these things off.
I'll get someone
to help you.
I'll be right back, okay?
You've learned that
the "e" is often silent
when it immediately
follows another vowel.
Now write and say
these words...
Oh, um...
class, uh, Catherine...
can you take over
for me, please?
Thank you.
"E" is the fifth letter
of the alphabet.
Yes, can I help you?
I have a problem.
Mr. Kimble...
I need to go real bad.
First day?
Yes.
I'll take care of her.
Thank you.
You know, kindergarten
is like the ocean.
Don't turn your back on it.
They're okay.
Don't worry.
Everything is under control.
No.
Monsters.
What are you doing with this?
Aren't you going
to break it up?
No. Two more days of this...
and he'll quit.
Shut up!
Shut up! Shut up!
Shut up.
No.
Don't start this.
Aah!
Attention!
This is your new class mascot.
What happened to your dog?
This is not a dog.
This is a ferret.
What's a ferret?
That's a ferret.
Oh!
If he bites you,
you get rabies and die.
No. That's not true.
He never bites.
Can I pet him?
Sure, but one at a time, okay?
Good. Okay, next one.
Come on.
Yes.
Good.
Yeah.
Good. Now we're having fun.
What's that
supposed to mean?
Mrs. Hagley
is a lot better than you.
Is she?
Is she really?
My mom's a teacher
in this school...
and she's a lot better
than you, too.
Great.
On Monday nights,
my mom tutors
and Mrs. Quinn
takes care of me.
She's better than you, too.
Great.
And Frankie,
my swimming teacher...
and Gus, my T-ball coach,
are better than you, too.
I really appreciate
your honesty.
You happen to know someone
that's not better than me?
I don't know
that many people.
John?
Are you there?
How did it go?
Go away.
It went that well, huh?
You take over tomorrow.
And blow our cover?
Can't do it.
They're horrible.
Tell me about it.
He's gay.
What kind of a man
teaches kindergarten?
He's obviously gay.
A male kindergarten teacher
isn't what I'm used to.
Samantha calls him
"The giant."
There he is.
Where, honey?
Holy cow, is that
your new teacher?
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
What are you doing?
- I'm not wearing makeup.
- None of us are.
You're married.
You're allowed to look like slobs.
Be good. I'll be back
to pick you up.
Good morning,
Mr. Kimble.
Good morning.
I told you he was big.
Play with the kids, honey.
Hi. I'm Jillian,
Sylvester's mom.
Do you have a minute?
I'd like to speak with you.
Sure.
Please.
Thank you.
A male kindergarten teacher.
That's unusual.
You're not from
around here, are you?
No. I'm not.
Neither am I.
Huh.
Anyway...
um...
I have a small problem.
Yes?
You see, Sylvester's father
doesn't live with us anymore...
and I've just been
worried about Sylvester.
He's been acting
a little strange lately...
You know, doing odd things.
Like what?
Well, it seems
that's he's becoming
a little obsessed
with playing with dolls.
You know, it's weird.
I think I can help you
with that.
Really?
He uses the dolls
to look up girls' skirts.
I caught him
doing it yesterday.
Oh. Oh, well,
that's a relief.
But I'll keep
an eye on him, okay?
Thank you.
Does Sylvester
ever see his father?
No. No, not since he was 2.
His father lives in California.
That is far away.
Mm-hmm.
Well, if you give me
his name and number...
I could talk to him
about taking
more interest in his son.
That's very kind,
but I don't think so.
But it's tough on Sylvester,
don't you think?
No.
No, what's tough on Sylvester
is his father left us
for another man.
Are you married,
Mr. Kimble?
No, I'm not.
He's not married, Mom!
Welcome to Astoria...
the single-parent capital
of America.
Thank you for your time.
I pledge allegiance
to the flag
of the United States
of America...
and to the republic
for which it stands...
one nation, under God...
indivisible...
with liberty
and justice for all.
Are these all your lunches?
You mean you eat other
people's lunches?
Stop it!
Now we're going to do
something extremely fun.
We're going to play
a game called...
"Who is my daddy
and what does he do?"
Yes?
Is your daddy a fireman?
He's probably big.
Is he a wrestler?
A basketball coach?
No, no.
What's the matter?
I have a headache.
It might be a tumor.
It's not a tumor!
It's not a tumor at all.
What I meant was...
you tell me who is your daddy
and what does he do?
Oh.
Get it?
We start right here. You.
My dad repairs cars
driven by women who are pinheads.
My dad doesn't do
anything since the crash.
My dad gives money to people
that doesn't have money...
then people use that money...
then they give
other money back
and they give the same amount
of money back to my dad.
My dad doesn't live
with us anymore.
He lives in New York
and drives a taxi.
My mom hopes he's going to die
real soon.
My dad watches TV
all day long.
My dad works on computers...
and he's, um, the boss
of his company...
and, um, he has a mustache
and a beard.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
He doesn't have that
much hair because...
and he...
his head is so big
that he can't wear any hats.
My dad's divorced.
My mom's divorced.
My dad, um,
is a psychologist...
and he helps people
that are hurt
or lost their feelings...
and, um, that's it.
Our mom says that our dad
is a real sex machine.
Good.
I don't know
what my dad does.
I haven't seen him
in a long time.
He lives in France.
My dad is a gynecologist...
and he looks at vaginas
all day long.
Mi pap trabaja
en la casa...
y l juega conmigo mucho.
Thank you.
Very good.
Okay. Next, uh...
What's his name
with his back to me?
His name's Zach Sullivan.
He doesn't like anyone
to talk to him.
He's a poo-poo head.
He's a poo-poo face.
He's a ca-ca poo-poo.
He's a poo-poo ca-ca.
- Poo-poo ca-ca!
- Poo-poo ca-ca!
- Poo-poo ca-ca!
- Poo-poo ca-ca!
Quiet.
That's enough.
Hey, Zach.
Did your daddy
teach you this game?
Come on, Zach.
Let's all play together.
It's so much more fun.
Leave me alone!
What's that?
It's a fire alarm!
Come on, come on.
Everyone together!
Come on.
I'm on fire!
Come on. All together!
I'm on fire!
Very straight.
Very straight.
Come on, come on.
Get all together.
Everything together.
Come on.
Come on. Quiet.
Quiet! Come on.
Shh! Quiet.
Well, we're all glad
the kindergarten class
could join us.
That's four minutes.
You should be ashamed
of yourselves.
All the other grades...
your times were an improvement...
but they're still
not good enough.
But they're still
not good enough.
I'm very disappointed.
All right, let's get
back into school.
Mrs. Sullivan!
Mrs. Sullivan!
So the doctor says
it's a stomach flu.
I'm fine. I can
eat anything I want.
Let's find a restaurant.
Can we talk business?
There are 14 boys
in the classroom.
So far I have three possible suspects,
one likely.
Here's a picture.
You listening?
I'm listening.
His name's Zach Sullivan.
What do you think?
He's cute.
Doesn't anybody eat around here?
Listen, he's a dead ringer
for Crisp. Look.
Maybe. Come on, John.
I'm hungry.
A table for two.
Thank you very much.
Two hot dogs.
Two hot dogs?
Mr. Kimble!
Mr. Kimble!
Dominic.
It's him, Mom.
Joyce.
Hello, Joyce.
Dominic has been a great help.
He's a good kid.
Who's that?
Who?
Her.
Oh, that?
Uh, that is, uh...
I am his sister.
Oh, really?
I wouldn't have guessed.
You have to excuse my brother.
He has no manners.
My name is Ursula.
Wonderful to meet you.
I'm visiting here
from Austria.
I'm Joyce Paulmarie.
I work at John's school.
Ah.
And this is Dominic.
Nice to meet you.
Would you like
to join us for dinner?
- No.
- Ja.
Ja.
Yes, of course.
That would be great.
Hi. There will
be four of us.
Table 27.
Why did you tell her
you were my sister?
Relax, butch.
The love doctor is here.
Come to me.
I want to start.
Okay. I want
a rib eye steak
with mashed potatoes
and a large green salad.
Oh, no.
Wait a minute.
I want to start
with the spicy
chicken wings.
Are they the tiny ones
without meat?
Actually, it's quite
a large serving.
Ah, good.
Ooh, good arms.
And a large bowl
of the clam chowder.
Uh, and the blueberry pie
with ice cream for dessert.
Ja.
I like how they talk.
I've been trying to get to
know the parents...
but some of them
are avoiding me.
Some of them
are like that.
It's a strange town that way...
especially with new arrivals.
What do you mean?
I think a lot of people
that come to small towns
are trying to get
away from something
or they're
hiding something.
Like what?
Well, for example,
what brought you here?
Me? Well,
there was an opening
for a kindergarten teacher.
Yeah, but what made you
become a kindergarten teacher?
I mean, it is a bit unusual.
John is a bit unusual.
Well...
You are.
I was born in Austria.
My father was a teacher.
My mother was a teacher.
So is Ursula.
Ja.
We have a tradition in Austria
where we follow
the footsteps of our parents.
So when I moved
to this country...
I taught geography
and physical education
in Arizona...
and then I coached basketball
at an all-girls school
in Rhode Island, but...
none of it made me
really happy.
Why weren't you happy?
Ja. Why weren't you happy?
Well, I got tired of
teaching teenagers...
because by the time
they came to me...
I felt there wasn't
much I could do with them.
I realized that the real action
is in kindergarten.
How long have you been
teaching kindergarten?
It's my second day.
Oh.
Ooh, excuse me,
but it's good.
It is good.
Thanks again.
Nice to meet you.
Thank you.
Bye.
I had a great time.
Ja, me, too.
Well, Kimble,
I think you scored.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you talking about?
I'm only interested in her
because she works
at the school.
She knows the children
and the parents.
If you were any stiffer...
we could take you surfing.
Now, I know you
like that woman.
What is your problem?
The only problem I've got
is that I'm doing your job.
You should be
cleaning up the paint
and reading stories
about bears that go shopping.
I'm stuck with your job.
Yeah. You are.
That's right. I am.
Look, you're going
to be out of here
in a few days.
You told me yourself
you had a few good leads.
You'll be back dealing
with junkies and murderers
in no time.
They're pushing me around.
Who?
The kids.
They're walking all over me.
Listen, Kimble.
You got to handle this
like any other police situation.
You walk into it showing fear...
you're dead...
and those kids know you're scared.
No fear.
No fear.
Today we're going to play
a new fun game.
It's called "police school."
I'm going to be your sheriff.
You're going to be
my deputy trainees.
Come on.
Stop whining.
You kids are soft.
You lack discipline.
Well, I've got news for you.
You are mine now.
You belong to me!
You're not going to have
your mommies here
to wipe your tushies.
Oh, no.
It's time to turn
this mush into muscles.
No more complaining.
No more, "I have to go
to the bathroom."
There is no bathroom!
Now, the first thing the
deputy trainees have to learn
is to freeze
whenever you hear this.
Now, the next time you hear
this whistle...
each one of you get
one toy.
How many?
One!
Good. Then bring it back
to the carpet...
pronto.
Ready?
Wait for it.
Wait for it.
Sit down.
Ready?
Go quickly.
Get your toy.
Go.
Go for it.
Yes. Very fast.
Good. Quickly.
Bring the toy
back to the carpet.
Bring it back
to the carpet.
Quick, quick, quick.
Back to the carpet.
Quickly.
Emma.
Emma...
take your toy
to the carpet.
I'm not a policeman.
I'm a princess.
Take your toy
back to the carpet.
I'm not a policeman!
I'm a princess.
Take it back!
All right.
Very good.
You did very well.
Now we're going to
play another game.
When you hear
two whistle blows...
take your toy back
where you got it
and come right back.
How many whistle blows?
- Two!
- Two!
Good. Ready?
Go.
Come on.
Come right back
to the carpet.
Yes. It works.
This is great.
Faster, faster.
Come on.
Yes. Come back. Terrific.
This is working. Wait.
I mean, you're
very good deputies.
Your sheriff
is proud of you.
1, 2, 3, 4.
1, 2, 3, 4.
1, 2, 3, 4.
1, 2, 3, 4.
Wait! Take me.
Down. Up. Down.
Yes, yes, yes!
You've got it.
Yes, Wanda. Good.
Very good.
Big circles. Big circles.
Good.
Now do the same thing.
Way back.
And down in big circles.
Big circles.
Yes.
This is a fire drill!
This is a fire drill.
Run to the door.
Dominic, don't forget Ferret.
Yes. It's a fire drill.
Come on.
Oh, this is terrible.
Come on. Come on.
One more.
Come on.
Down and up.
Yes!
Yes!
Zach is the winner.
Come on, you guys.
March, 2, 3, 4.
March, 2, 3, 4.
Swing your arms.
2, 3, 4.
Swing them high.
2, 3, 4.
1, 2, 3, 4.
1, 2, 3, 4.
Wow.
1, 2, 3, 4!
Reading, writing, arithmetic.
Reading, writing, arithmetic!
Too much homework
makes me sick.
Too much homework
makes me sick!
When it's time
to pass the test...
When it's time
to pass the test...
kindergarten is the best.
Kindergarten is the best.
Yay!
E-l-E-l-O
And on that farm
he had a duck
E-l-E-l-O
All right.
Take your milk.
It makes you big and strong.
It's story time, Mr. Kimble.
All right.
We all like this one...
and if you read us a story now...
everybody will go to sleep.
All right.
I used to read this to my son.
What's his name?
Who?
Your son.
Oh, Alex is his name.
Where is he?
He lives with his mother.
You see, his mother and I...
we are...
Divorced. I know.
What's a divorce?
It's when your daddy
lives someplace else
and comes over
to take you places...
and your mommy says
he's a deadbeat.
No. It's when the daddy
doesn't want to see
his little boy anymore.
That's not what it is.
Why don't you want to see
your little boy?
Was he bad?
No, he was not bad.
It wasn't his fault at all.
You see...
his mommy and I,
we just nev...
Just sit down, okay?
Let me just start reading.
Why don't you all lie down?
Okay.
Good. And rest.
"If you were a bird
and lived on high
you'd lean on the wind
when the wind came by.
You'd say to the wind
when it took you away...
That's where
I wanted to go today.
Where am I going?
I don't quite know.
What does it matter
where people go?
Down to the wood
where the bluebells grow.
Anywhere.
Anywhere.
I don't know."
Huh!
Hi.
Hi.
I didn't mean
to startle you.
I must have dozed off.
I can't believe you
got them all to sleep.
I worked them hard.
I was wondering if...
you'd like to come
to my place for dinner
tomorrow night.
I would like that.
Yes.
Great.
Well, here are
the directions.
How about 6:30, 7:00?
That would be fine.
What?
Um...
You... You've got
a little mustache.
Oh, it must be
from the milk.
Well, I'd better
get back to class.
I'll see you tomorrow.
See you tomorrow.
Freeze!
No!
No.
This is Henry Shoop...
my fianc.
Hi.
Your fianc?
Yeah, my fianc.
Henry, this is
obviously my partner...
John Kimble.
Oh, jeez.
Uh...
Hi.
How you doing?
Let me get this...
and I'll be right out.
Oh!
It's okay, honey.
I'll be right out.
It's my birthday.
Well, congratulations.
Thanks. He came up here
just to surprise me.
And he made me my favorite...
pasta a olio.
I love you, Henry.
I love you, too, Phoebes.
Uh... Well, I've got
to head back tonight.
I've got to work.
Henry's a chef.
I'm a chef.
You're marrying a chef?
I'm marrying
a great chef.
That figures.
You mean that,
a great chef?
Of course.
You're a genius, Henry.
Not just a good chef?
Well, nice to meet you.
Congratulations.
Happy birthday.
Thanks.
You want some of this?
It wasn't overcooked?
You're the best.
It wasn't a little overcooked?
No. Al dente.
Zach.
Excuse me. I'm John Kimble,
Zach's teacher.
I didn't know
he was following me.
Hi. I've been leaving messages
on your machine.
I'm sorry.
Things have been hectic.
What about now?
Uh...
Go for a little walk.
Your teacher and I
have to talk.
Uh...
I know what this is about.
I suppose you saw
the bruises on Zach's legs?
My husband has started
counseling about this.
He's been going
for three weeks now.
Please don't bring
the school system into it.
It will make matters worse.
He's beating you, too?
If he wasn't going
to counseling...
I could see the point
of saying something...
but I'm sure there won't be
any more occurrences.
You won't say anything,
will you?
Please?
If he does it again,
I press charges.
Zach.
You got the stuff?
Thanks, man.
Here, lady.
I gave her your stuff.
Where's the rest of my money?
Who are you, old lady?
Your fairy godmother.
Come in.
Hi. It took all day...
but I found out Zach Sullivan
and his mother...
aren't related to Crisp.
I just found out.
Oh. I got a bottle of wine
for your big date...
It's not a date, I know.
But Joyce shouldn't think that.
Thanks. I don't think
it's a good idea.
Quickest way to slip up
doing undercover work
is doing things
you normally wouldn't do.
Wait a minute.
You mean you wouldn't take wine
to a woman
who's invited you for dinner?
Of course you would.
And flowers as well.
Here you go.
She'll love them.
Well, here we are.
Wow. This is
quite a place.
They must be paying you
a lot more than
they're paying me.
I wish it was my house.
It belongs to a friend of mine.
After the divorce,
he said we could stay here
in exchange
for keeping the place up.
You must have nice friends.
Yes, I do.
Dinner won't be ready
for a few minutes.
Can you start a fire?
It shouldn't be a problem.
I'll show you
where the wood is.
Come on. Come on!
Right here.
In here.
This is my secret hiding spot.
Wow.
This is amazing.
I made it myself.
What's this?
Don't touch that!
It's a laser...
and it'll burn a hole
right through you.
Okay. I'll be careful.
Oh, don't shoot.
- Boom! Boom!
- Don't shoot.
I put up these lasers
to protect us.
To protect you from what?
The bad people.
Do you want to see
something else?
Come on.
What?
See that?
You mean the tower?
I'm going to plant one
of my lasers on that antenna.
But I'll have to do it at night.
Otherwise the bad people
will know where it is.
Last one to the table
is a rotten banana!
Have you guys had fun?
Yeah. Be right out!
What you doing in there?
I'm lost.
Where is the dining room?
This house is huge.
- Follow me, silly.
- Whew.
These are beautiful pictures
of you and Dominic.
Thank you.
When I was putting
Dominic to bed...
he mentioned you had a son, too.
That's right.
But I'm divorced.
I'm lucky. My ex got remarried
to a very nice man.
He's really good to my son.
I see him a lot.
What about your ex-husband?
Does he see Dominic a lot?
Uh, no. After the divorce,
he moved back to France.
What about child support
and alimony?
Does he take care of you?
I'm sorry about
being so personal.
I was so glad to see him go
I didn't worry
about that part.
Dominic doesn't even remember him.
I prefer it that way.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
Why?
Well, Dominic was talking to me
about having to move around a lot
to keep the bad people away.
Bad people?
Something about having to leave
in the middle of the night
and leave his toys behind.
Oh, God.
I thought he'd
forgotten about that.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to upset you.
It's not your fault.
The truth is, my ex-husband
is a walking nightmare.
He didn't leave us, we left him.
He found out where we were
and tried to kidnap Dominic.
He doesn't know where we are now...
and I'd like to keep it that way.
Of course.
I'm glad he's in France
and doesn't live nearby.
He doesn't live in France.
I told Dominic
that he lived in France.
I didn't know who my ex-husband was
when I married him.
I was young and stupid,
and I made a mistake.
I don't want Dominic
to pay for it.
Look, nobody around here
knows anything about this.
I can't even believe
I told you.
You have to promise me
you won't tell anyone.
You can trust me.
That's very good. Perfect.
Okay. Let's try it again.
Mary, you first.
Fourscores and seven years ago.
Fourscores and seven years ago.
Our forefathers brought...
Four fathers?
Mr. Kimble, did Lincoln
have four fathers?
Uh...
I had three fathers...
One named Walt,
two named Ralph.
Did Lincoln have
four mothers?
As a matter of fact,
he had two mothers.
Unfortunately,
the first one died.
I knew it.
Um... Okay.
Let's take a break.
Come on.
I want you to walk around
in a circle. Go.
Start. Come on.
Well, Joyce's story
about the house checked out.
It belongs to a guy
who only uses it
during the ski season.
She's got under $1,000
in the bank...
no stocks, no bonds, no other assets
under the name Joyce Paulmarie.
Her teacher's salary is less than mine,
which is pathetic.
Keep looking. Check for offshore
accounts under Dominic's name...
She doesn't live like someone
with millions of dollars.
She doesn't even
seem the type.
Kimble, this might not be her.
It's got to be her.
Why? Because she
doesn't want to have
anything to do
with her ex-husband?
I know it's her.
Know what I think?
You want it to be her.
You really like her,
and it's scaring you.
Excuse me!
Surprise!
Ladies!
Ladies, surprise.
Obviously, I'm not
into baking cakes...
so I brought
these little things
to donate
for the raffle prizes.
Who the hell is that?
She's the one
I was telling you about.
Her husband ran away
with another guy.
It's been terrible for her.
You're not getting
mellow on me, are you?
3, 4.
1, 2, 3...
Hi.
Come on. 1, 2, 3, 4.
Come on. Go, go.
I see they stuck you
with the Gettysburg Address this year.
They sure did.
Company, halt!
Um...
About last night...
I've been thinking
about it, and...
I'm glad I told you
all those things.
So am I.
Um... I-I better
get going.
Yeah. I have
to get going, too.
Is everything okay?
Yeah.
See you tomorrow at the fair.
I'm looking forward to it.
What are you looking at?
Ha ha ha!
Shh!
March! 1, 2, 3, 4.
I was just talking
to the teacher, that's all.
Yeah. Don't laugh.
Okay. I'm proud of you.
Keep going.
I'm sorry Zach's late.
The car wouldn't start.
You be a good boy.
I love you.
Hi, champ.
Oh!
What's the matter?
Oh, no.
I fell down again.
Hey, wait a minute.
Uh...
I forgot to close the door
to the basement...
and Zach had a bad fall.
You all say the same thing,
"He fell down."
Don't you have
anything better to say?
I don't have to
justify myself to you!
You have no right
talking to me like that.
How are you doing?
You must be the Mr. Kimble
we hear so much about.
You hit the kid, I hit you.
You bastard!
You're not worth it.
I'm pressing charges against you.
Excuse me, everybody.
I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have hit the man...
especially in front of the children.
It was a mistake.
I checked you out.
There is no record of you
ever having taught
at any public school...
in California
or anywhere else.
Mr. Kimble...
you have no teaching experience
whatsoever, do you?
Someone finally noticed.
I thought
the introduction of a ferret
was a horrible idea...
but the children
seemed to like it.
I thought the use of your police whistle
was outrageous...
That's all I could think of.
Please allow me to finish.
- Sorry.
- But it worked.
I have no idea what kind
of police officer you are...
but you're a very good teacher.
Thank you.
Now, will you tell me something?
Don't lie.
What did it feel like
to hit that son of a bitch?
It felt great.
Yeah.
Well, tomorrow morning.
Bright and early.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's her.
And there goes
our goddamn case.
Tell O'Hara and Kimble
their witness is dead...
so Crisp is going to walk.
We want them back here.
We've got lots
of other cases to clear.
O'Hara says they think
they've located the wife.
And the money?
They're looking into it.
Have them tell the wife
we're letting Crisp go,
and he knows where she is.
If she wants police protection,
she'll produce the money.
Sorry it took so long, Cullen.
Hey, you're looking great.
I love you, Mother.
We're going to be
a family again, son.
Go!
Fourscore and seven years ago
Fourscore and seven years ago
our forefathers brought forth
on this continent
our forefathers brought forth
on this continent
a new nation
a new nation
conceived in liberty
conceived in liberty
and dedicated
to the proposition
and dedicated
to the proposition
that all men
are created equal
that all men
are created equal
and that government
and that government
of the people
by the people
and for the people
shall not perish
from this earth.
Thank you very much.
Oh!
I'd like to introduce you
to our kindergarten teacher.
He came to us
as a substitute teacher...
and he's proven to be
a wonderful asset.
Let's welcome him
into our community
and hope that he considers
staying on a permanent basis.
Ladies and gentlemen...
Mr. John Kimble.
Nice town.
Hmm.
Ahh! Smell that fresh air.
We should think about
buying something up here...
like some log cabin
in the woods near a lake.
Kids love
that outdoor kind of stuff.
I'll be in the pharmacy.
Try not to step in anything.
I'd like to help you.
But we're pretty much
out of the race cars...
unless...
This is the last one.
It's still in great shape.
If you don't mind waiting,
I'll wrap it up.
I'll knock 10% off...
I have a better idea.
I'll pay you twice
what he's charging.
I promised my boy
I'd get him one.
I'd love to help you...
but my kid's been bugging me
since Christmas.
I'll pay you four times
what it's worth.
Get your kid
something even better.
Sorry.
Can you gift-wrap it?
Hanna, could you
wrap that, please?
No harm in trying.
Tourists.
Great, Dominic.
You're doing well.
I'll wait over here for you, okay?
Okay.
Great day, huh?
We've run out of time.
We've got to press Joyce now.
What do you mean?
- Cindy O.D.'d last night.
- Shit.
They released Crisp this morning.
He's probably on his way here.
Salazar said if Joyce
is Crisp's wife...
she's got to cooperate
about the money...
or she gets no police protection.
Bastard.
Ursula, how are you?
What?
I've got to tell you the truth.
Her name's not Ursula.
She's not my sister.
I beg your pardon?
We're not who you think we are.
What is this?
We're police officers.
We know who you are...
Rachel.
This is a joke, right?
No. This is no joke.
You took $3 million.
I think...
Crisp knows where you are.
He could be here any minute.
Where's Dominic?
You'll get immunity
for your testimony...
but we need you to help us.
Where's Dominic?
On a pony.
We'll offer protection
if you tell us about the money.
There's no money,
you son of a bitch.
There never was!
No, it's not fair!
I'm not finished yet!
The bad people
have found us.
What do you mean, "no money"?
Why are you mad at Mr. Kimble?
Because he's a jerk.
Leave me alone!
Joyce, wait!
Wait!
If you didn't take the money...
why is he after you?
He doesn't want me.
He wants Dominic.
She's going to run again.
Yeah.
Unless we do something about it.
Yeah.
Hey, snap out of it!
Daryl. Daryl.
I'm sorry. I wanted to give you
a second chance.
200, cash.
What is wrong with you?
I'm still not getting
through to you, am I, Daryl?
Mother, got this great surprise
for Junior.
That'll be 57.90.
57.90.
Children's aspirin,
children's decongestant...
antihistamine.
A thermometer?
A lot of flu
going around, right?
It is the season.
The boy's not sick.
Doesn't hurt to take precautions.
Mother, you are going
to make him sick.
You stuffed all this crap into me,
and nothing was wrong.
That's why there was
nothing wrong with you.
Now, how can you
argue with that?
Joyce!
Joyce! Dominic!
You bastard!
Where's Dominic?
I don't know.
What happened?
You led him here.
If he has Dominic, I'll kill you.
Let go of me!
We'll find him. Stop it.
We'll find him.
We'll find him.
Dominic!
Did he say anything
before he left?
He said something
about getting his lasers.
Lasers? I think
I know where he is.
Aah! Help!
Help! Help!
Somebody!
Help!
Hold on!
I'll get him down.
Help!
Hold on. I'm right here.
Good boy.
All right. Just hold on.
Okay. Just hold on.
Oh, good. Okay.
I was going to put the lasers
in the antenna.
I know. Don't worry
about anything now.
I got you.
Just hold on tight now.
Hold on tight, okay?
Good.
If I lost Dominic...
I don't think
I could go on living.
You're not going to lose him.
That's right. I'm not.
Cullen said I stole his money
so these creeps would
follow us for a reward.
You don't know what he's like.
Oh, yes, I do.
I know him well.
That's why I don't
want him to get you two.
Can't trust you or anybody.
You can trust me.
That's what you said before.
And you turned out to be a cop.
L...
I didn't mean
to hurt you.
I wish I was
a kindergarten teacher...
but I'm not.
I'm a cop.
That's all I know how to be.
I have to get out of here.
You have a son.
If you were me,
you'd do the same thing.
I have a son I've hardly seen
in seven years.
I don't mean anything to him.
My ex-wife got remarried.
She doesn't want me
to be part of his life.
I lost my family.
I should never
have let it happen.
Why are you telling me
all of this?
I don't want to lose you.
I don't want to lose Dominic.
I swear you'll never have
to run from him again.
Don't worry about anything, okay?
We're going to be
right across the hall.
Everything's going to be fine.
We just want
to be extra careful.
Thanks.
Don't worry.
Whoo!
All right, all right.
Settle down.
Good morning.
Good morning, Mr. Kimble.
Sit down.
It's very nice
to see you all again.
Meet my very good friend,
Phoebe O'Hara.
Good morning, Phoebe.
Miss O'Hara
is going to talk to you
about something very important.
So pay attention to what
she has to say, okay?
Remember, no fear.
Thanks.
Yeah?
Boys have a penis.
Girls have a vagina.
Well, you taught them the basics.
That's important.
Okay, now...
today we're going to talk
about something else
that's really important.
Today we're going
to talk about strangers.
If a stranger knocks
on your door...
never answer the door.
Because we never talk
to strangers.
Let's say that together.
We never talk to strangers.
Right.
Can we talk to kids?
Yeah, it's okay.
You can talk to kids.
What about dogs?
Huh?
Can we talk to dogs?
Yeah, you can talk to dogs.
But what you can't do...
what you must
never ever do is...
never talk to strangers.
On the kindergarten level...
we try to emphasize the three C's:
Caring, courtesy and courage.
Courage.
That's my philosophy, too.
Are you a single parent,
Mr. Green?
No, my wife had to stay behind
to complete the sale of our home.
I'm checking the schools
before we buy a home here.
Most kindergarten children
can't read yet.
My son can.
He reads at 6?
That's good.
And writes.
I taught him myself.
He sounds like
a special child.
He is. He's a great athlete.
Here's what you've waited for.
The kindergarten.
Have a look.
Oh, Dominic, Dominic...
Dominic is king
of the mountain!
Way to go, Dominic.
Here's your crown.
Congratulations, Dominic.
The king of Mount Kimble!
Dominic.
He looks odd, but he's
a wonderful teacher.
Yes, I'm sure he is.
Did you see Cullen Jr.?
Yeah, yeah.
She calls him Dominic.
She'd always wanted
to name him Dominic.
What a dumb name.
Put that cigar out.
It's unhealthy for the kid.
Then you make your aeroplane
go up into the clouds.
Check it out.
Right.
Okay, stay calm.
Okay, it's probably
a fire drill.
Oh, man.
Kimble, the hallway's
full of smoke.
Okay, this is a fire drill.
Come on.
This is the real thing.
Just the way we practiced.
Go out there.
Fast. Just the way
we practiced it.
Come on.
Come on.
It's only water.
Don't be scared.
Stay close to the wall.
Let's go.
Come on. Come on.
Dominic, stay close to me, okay?
Stay close to me.
Stay behind me.
Don't get separated.
Aah!
Are you all right?
Come on. Let's go.
Dominic, wait!
Dominic!
Dominic!
Help! Somebody help me!
Help!
Stranger!
Stranger!
Stranger!
Stranger!
Stranger!
Stranger!
Dominic!
Where's Dominic?
Dominic!
Aah!
Okay, stay together.
Stay together.
Stay together.
Hold onto your partner.
Okay, don't lag behind.
Hold onto my hand.
Stay together.
Where's Dominic?
He's inside.
Kimble's looking for him.
Joyce!
Joyce!
Help!
It's okay. It's okay.
I'm not going to hurt you.
I'm not going to hurt you.
It's okay.
I'm a fireman.
I help people.
Well, where's your hat?
My hat?
I love this.
I can't fool my own boy.
He's just 6 years old.
You're right.
I'm no jerk fireman.
I'm going to tell you
something, Dominic.
It's going to be hard
for you to understand...
but you got to believe me.
I'm your father, Dominic.
Your father.
Don't you recognize me?
No.
Sure you do.
It's me.
Don't you remember
Twinkle, twinkle, little star?
We have the same kind of hands.
Don't you remember?
You're not my father.
My father lives in France.
Your mother told you that...
but that's not true!
I'm your father!
I've been searching
for you for five years.
Help! Help!
Dominic, I'm your father.
You're going to have
to do what I say.
Do you understand?
Freeze!
Don't you know
there's a fire?
We thought it was another drill.
Well, get out!
Yes, sir.
Whoa, honey.
That's a fire in there.
I got a kid in there.
I'm a cop.
If I need a ticket fixed,
I'll call you.
In the meantime, stay out.
Go on.
All right.
Quiet, you hear me? Quiet.
No!
Rachel!
Let go!
Just what I need.
Please, let him go.
Let him go!
How the hell
do you get out of here?
Please, please,
don't do this!
You're scaring him!
Scared? Of course he's scared.
You told him lies about me.
My son doesn't know me
because of you.
Listen!
Just listen.
You stole him from me!
Please, give him back.
Don't touch him!
Aah!
Dominic, I had to do it!
I didn't want to do it.
She made me.
Everything's going
to be okay, Dominic.
Dominic?
Come back.
We're getting out of here.
Dominic?
Going to start
a whole new family.
Aah!
Dominic!
Gotcha!
I love you.
Do you understand?
Tell me you understand that.
Say it. Say it!
I understand.
Daddy.
Daddy.
Hold it!
Right there.
Drop it! Hurry!
Don't. Don't.
He's not your hostage.
He's your son.
Drop it. On the floor.
You'll do this to your own son?
Drop it!
I'm losing it! Hurry!
Relax. I'm putting it down.
Hurry!
Here it is.
Here it is.
Just don't harm the boy, okay?
Good. Good. That's smart.
All right.
Why don't you let the boy go now?
The boy is mine!
He's my boy!
You get your own goddamn family!
Aah!
No!
Are you okay?
I'm okay. Get Dominic.
Okay.
Dominic!
Dominic!
Where's my grandson?
I don't know.
Where's my grandson?
Go to hell.
That's where you're going,
you son of a bitch!
You're not so tough
without your car...
are you?
Mr. Kimble,
are you all right?
Oh, I hate this.
Nah, he doesn't
want to eat that.
He's a tough guy.
Tough guys don't eat Jell-O.
I'll come back later.
Hi.
Hi. How you feeling?
Much better.
How about you?
I'll live.
Check out of here.
This stuff will kill you.
Just don't throw up on me.
I'm not going
to throw up on you...
but I am going to kiss you.
Phoebe.
Thanks.
Thanks, partner.
Sure.
How's everybody feeling today?
I brought goodies.
Did I do that?
Give me the flowers.
I got some goodies and...
I got it caught.
And something
I cooked myself.
I almost didn't recognize you
with all your clothes on.
You look good yourself.
Aah!
Did l... I'm sorry.
The wedding.
Yeah. Uh...
You're coming
to the wedding, right?
Is it safe?
I wouldn't miss this for the world.
So...
where do we send
the invitation?
Hmm?
They're all yours.
Hi, kids.
Mr. Kimble!
I'm back.
Yay!
Didn't join the union until...
Class, excuse me.
Uh-oh. They're going to do it.
Yay!
Category:Transcripts
Category:Universal Pictures Transcripts