Patrick-Man: Endgame

Patrick-Man: Endgame is an episode of The Silly Adventures of Patrick Star.
== Movie ==
(We begin at S.H.E.L.L. headquarters, hours before Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy arrive and a day before their fight with Thanos. Pi-Right Ponderer is sitting at a supercomputer with a S.H.E.L.L. agent.)
Pi-Right Ponderer: I've just run 14 million simulations of our coming battle with Thanos.
Agent: In how many of them do you win?
Pi-Right Ponderer: One.
Agent: Million?
(Pi-Right Ponderer shakes his head.)
Agent: Thousand?
(Pi-Right Ponderer shakes his head again.)
Agent: Hundred?
Pi-Right Ponderer: (sighs) This is going to be a lot harder than I thought.
      
(Patrick is with the IJLSA outside of the Bikini Bottom Convention Hall. Urchin Man has just turned to dust in front of him, while The Quickster and Miss Appear have also vanished.)
Mermaid Man: Quickster! Miss Appear!
(Barnacle Boy grabs Mermaid Man's shoulder before he turns to dust.)
Mermaid Man: Tim! No!
Pi-Right Ponderer: Mermaid Man, don't panic! Focus on
(Pi-Right Ponderer turns to dust before he can finish his sentence.)
Mermaid Man: Focus on what?
(Mermaid Man sees Thanos meditating.)
Mermaid Man: (growls) Thanos!
(Mermaid Man charges towards Thanos, but before he can reach the Mad Titan, Thanos gets hit by an invisible force, knocking him a mile away.)
Mermaid Man: What?
(Miss Appear reappears inside of her invisible boatmobile.)
Mermaid Man: Miss Appear! You're alive!
Miss Appear: I thought we were done with formalities.
Mermaid Man: Sorry, Jane.
(Elastic Waistband joins Mermaid Man and Miss Appear.)
Elastic Waistband: So are the others...gone?
Mermaid Man: (sighs) Looks that way.
(Neptune, who has been crying in his chariot this entire time, turns around.)
Neptune: Where is he?
Miss Appear: Thanos? (points) He's over there.
(Neptune pulls a sword out of his chariot.)
Neptune: I'll be quick.
Mermaid Man: Neptune, wait! There may still be time to reverse the snap!
Neptune: I don't care! I've already lost the only person who matters to me.
(Krakatoa, who has been watching the events unfold, roars.)
Mermaid Man: Oh, great. Now he's lost his temper.
(Krakatoa runs towards Thanos.)
Neptune: Wait! I wanted to kill him!
(Neptune follows Krakatoa, and Thanos, who was knocked unconscious by the fall, wakes up just as they reach him and disappear.)
Neptune: Huh? Where did he go?
(Krakatoa roars again before rampaging through the city, kicking all of the now-driverless boatmobiles sitting on the street into nearby buildings.)
Elastic Waistband: S.H.E.L.L. won't be happy about this. Whatever's left of S.H.E.L.L., anyway.
Mermaid Man: We have more pressing matters, like finding Thanos.
(Patrick runs up to Mermaid Man.)
Patrick: Mermaid Man! My friend had a really bad allergic reaction to the nachos, and now he's gone!
Mermaid Man: It wasn't the nachos, boy. It was Thanos.
Patrick: Nachos, tacos, burritos, Thanos! What will they think up next?
(A limo appears, and a fish wearing a black suit and sunglasses walks out.)
Fish: I know how to find Thanos.
Miss Appear: Who are you?
Fish: I'm Agent Phil Carpson. I work for S.H.E.L.L. (looks around) Where's Pi-Right?
Mermaid Man: He didn't survive the snap.
Phil: (sighs) Very well. Come on.
Elastic Waistband: What about Captain Magma?
Phil: You gonna try to tame that...thing down? He'll come when he's ready.
(Mermaid Man, Miss Appear, Elastic Waistband and Patrick join Phil in in the limo, which he carefully drives around stopped boatmobiles on the way to S.H.E.L.L. headquarters.)
Phil: Pi-Right knew he had a very good chance of losing the time stone, so he put a tracking device inside of it.
(Phil takes the others into the building and brings them to a massive supercomputer, even bigger than the one in the prologue. He presses a button, and a map of the known universe appears on the supercomputer's monitor.)
Phil: According to this, Thanos is...back on his homeworld of Titan.
(Neptune breaks into the room.)
Neptune: How dare you leave your king to go off on another one of your adventures!
Mermaid Man: Well, I'm sure you'll be happy to hear this: we found Thanos.
(Neptune smiles.)
Phil: Unfortunately, the chaos with everybody disappearing and Krakatoa destroying the city will make it hard for us to clear a spaceship for our use anytime soon.
Neptune: Don't worry about that! If I want a spaceship, your government shall give me a spaceship!
(Mermaid Man, Miss Appear, Elastic Waistband, Patrick, and Phil are sitting in the waiting room of a federal building as Neptune speaks to a receptionist.)
Neptune: That's Neptune: N-E-P-T-U-N-E. I demand to speak with the people in charge of our space program at once!
Receptionist: Are you okay with waiting a day or two, Mr. Neptune? Half of the program's leadership disappeared today, so we're still figuring out who's in charge of what.
Neptune: I'm in charge of everything, and I want a spaceship now!
Receptionist: I'm sorry, sir, but you will have to wait.
Neptune: Blast this government bureaucracy!
(Neptune returns to the others in the waiting room.)
Neptune: There's nothing I can do.
(Several days later, everybody walks back into the waiting room, and Neptune charges to the receptionist with his sword raised.)
Neptune: You will give me my spaceship, or you shall die!
Receptionist: (sweating) Congratulations. We've just cleared the spaceship for your use.
(Neptune puts the sword back into its sheath.)
Neptune: Thank you.
(Mermaid Man, Miss Appear, Elastic Waistband, and Neptune squeeze into a spaceship while Patrick and Phil watch.)
Patrick: Why can't I come with?
Neptune: The last time you had a spaceship, you crashed it on the moon!
Patrick: (chuckles) Oh, yeah.
Elastic Waistband: Next stop: Titan!
(Neptune flies the spaceship to the planet of Titan. He and the others find Thanos meditating in the center of a crater and approach him slowly.)
Thanos: Titan was like most planets. Too many mouths, and not enough to go around. And when we faced extinction, I offered a solution.
Miss Appear: Genocide.
Thanos: But at random, dispassionate, fair to rich and poor alike. They called me a madman. And what I predicted came to pass.
(Thanos motions at the barren, desolate wasteland all around him.)
Elastic Waistband: (rolls eyes) Congratulations. You're a prophet.
Thanos: I'm a survivor.
Mermaid Man: Who murdered trillions!
Neptune: Enough!
(Neptune pulls out his sword and points it at Thanos' neck.)
Neptune: Tell me what you did with the infinity stones, and perhaps I'll give you mercy.
Thanos: No, you won't. And besides, I've destroyed the stones.
Mermaid Man, Elastic Waistband, and Miss Appear: WHAT?
Thanos: The universe required correction. After that, the stones served no purpose, beyond temptation.
Elastic Waistband: W-we'll find some way to stop this. I know we will.
Thanos: The work is done. It always will be. I am... inevitable.
(Neptune uses his sword to cut Thanos' head off.)
Neptune: And now you're dead.
(Neptune wipes his hands and heads back to the spaceship.)
Neptune: Nothing else to do here! Come on!
Miss Appear: But...how are we going to reverse the snap?
Neptune: Not my problem. I came here to kill Thanos, and I have done that. The rest of your mortal problems you can figure out amongst yourselves.
(Back on Earth, Patrick walks into the Krusty Krab. He finds SpongeBob sitting in the order station.)
SpongeBob: Patrick! You're alive!
Patrick: I am! At least, last time I checked, anyway. (scratches chin) What happened to the guy who used to sit there?
SpongeBob: Squidward? (look downs) He disappeared, along with half of Bikini Bottom. At least Mr. Krabs is still here, and until he can find someone to replace Squidward, I'll be our cashier-slash-fry cook!
Patrick: Ooh, does it come with a raise?
SpongeBob: (laughs for a long time) Good one, Patrick.
(Plankton runs into the Krusty Krab.)
Plankton: Hey, idiot!
Patrick: Yeah, what's up?
Plankton: What happened to all of those superheroes you were just with?
Patrick: I think they're on another planet. Why?
Plankton: I've figured out how to reverse the snap!
Patrick: You have? This sounds like a job for...er...um...
SpongeBob: Patrick-Man?
Patrick: Patrick-Man!
(Patrick runs into the restroom then runs back out minutes later with his underwear now over his shorts, a pair of kitchen gloves over his hands, and a metal cone over his head.)
Plankton: Huh?
Patrick: Let's go, little guy!
(The cone on Patrick's head expands to cover his body in metal, and he picks up Plankton before flying to S.H.E.L.L. headquarters. Mermaid Man, Elastic Waistband, and Miss Appear are standing outside with Phil Carpson as Patrick lands in front of them.)
Plankton: I think I'm going to be sick.
Phil: What did you bring him here for?
Plankton: Nice to meet you too, mister.
Phil: We've been monitoring your communications. We know about your plans for world domination.
Patrick: Plankton, is this true? (crying) I feel betrayed!
Plankton: Clam up, starfish. Until we bring everyone back, my plans for world domination are on hold.
Phil: (rolls eyes) What a saint.
Plankton: Now, if Thanos was able to eliminate half of all life with the infinity stones, we should be able to reverse that if we collect the infinity stones and fashion a gauntlet to use them in.
Elastic Waistband: But how are we supposed to collect them? Thanos destroyed them all.
Plankton: I wasn't planning on trying to take them from Thanos in the present, anyway. We need to go back in time and retrieve every infinity stone when they get found. Then, we come back here and use them to reverse the snap.
Phil: That's the dumbest thing I ever heard, and I've spent hours listening to Patrick!
Patrick: Hey, I take defense to that!
Phil: Besides, where are we supposed to find a time machine?
Mermaid Man: Uh...did Pi-Right not mention that he built a time machine back in the 80s that he left for me and Barnacle Boy for safekeeping?
Phil: (turning red) No, he didn't mention that.
Plankton: It's settled, then! There are six of us, so we should be able to split up and get the stones back as quickly as possible!
Phil: Actually, I've done some research on the Soul Stone, and while I don't know a lot about it, I do know it's on the planet Vormir, and two people are required in order to extract it.
Plankton: (scratches chin) Who else can we bring with us?
(Captain Magma appears.)
Captain Magma: What's up, guys?
Elastic Waistband: Magma! Are...are you okay?
Captain Magma: Yeah, I just lost my temper there for a bit.
Miss Appear: So...are we doing this?
Phil: I still think this is a dumb idea, but I can't think of any better.
Plankton: Great! I'll get the mind stone. Elastic guy, you get the space stone. Fire guy...
Captain Magma: (growls) Captain Magma.
Plankton: ...Captain Magma, you get the power stone. Phil, you get the time stone. Mermaid Man and Miss Appear, help Patrick get the Reality Stone before getting the soul stone together.
Patrick: Why do I need help?
Plankton: Because, my friend, you are an idiot.
Patrick: (nods) True, true.
(Plankton takes out a large notepad and begins to write.)
Plankton: For each stone, we'll go further and further back in time. Once you've found your stone, go to one of these benchmarks in the future, where the person ahead of you should be waiting. Make sure you're in the exact time and place I write down so we know where and when to find you, and, I hope this goes without saying, but make sure you don't die.
Patrick: Aye aye, sir!
Captain Magma: Who made the tiny dude leader of this thing?
Plankton: Well, this was my idea, so I should have some say in how it goes.
Phil: Fine, but if it backfires, it's on you.
Plankton: Don't worry. It won't.
(Mermaid Man, Miss Appear, Elastic Waistband, and Captain Magma get into an invisible boatmobile while Phil, Plankton, and Patrick get into Phil's black van. They drive to a warehouse, and when they walk inside it, they see Mermaid Man's time machine in the back.)
Plankton: Remember, you can't meet yourself in the past or change history because yadda yadda paradoxes and yadda yadda alternate timelines. You've heard this before.
Patrick: I haven't!
Plankton: Let's go.
(Plankton jumps onto the time machine and presses buttons on it. Seconds later, the warehouse falls in front of the Chum Bucket in 1999.)
Plankton: This is the day I used the mind stone to create Karen. I've left the coordinates here. Once you've gotten the rest of the stones, bring the time machine back.
(Plankton leaves, and everybody else uses the time machine to travel to different points in time until it's just Mermaid Man, Miss Appear, and Patrick in the warehouse.)
Patrick: It's cold! Where are we?
Miss Appear: We're on Knowhere.
Patrick: (laughs) We have to be somewhere! (whispers to Mermaid Man) And I thought I was the dumb one.
Miss Appear: No, it's...nevermind. Let's get this stone.
(The three of them walk to a containment facility for the Reality Stone. Before they're able to go inside, two aliens wearing police uniforms block them.)
Mermaid Man: Who are you two?
Alien 1: We're the Guardians of the Reality Stone! And who are you?
Mermaid Man: We're...uh...the guardians of the galaxy!
Alien 2: Really? Can we see your badges?
Mermaid Man: We left them in our spaceship.
Alien 1: We can wait.
(Mermaid Man leaves nervously with Miss Appear and Patrick right behind him. Several minutes after the aliens return to their post, the door to the containment facility quietly opens, and the reality stone floats out without the aliens noticing. Once the reality stone reaches the warehouse, Miss Appear, who had been holding the stone this entire time, makes herself visible.)
Mermaid Man: One down, one to go.
(Miss Appear reads the coordinates on the notepad Plankton left and pushes the buttons for them on the time machine. Seconds later, they're on Vormir.)
Mermaid Man: Stay here, Patrick.
Patrick: You don't have to tell me twice!
(Patrick falls asleep. Mermaid Man and Miss Appear leave the warehouse and trek to the top of a mountain. There, they're greeted by Man Ray.)
Man Ray: Hello, old friend!
Mermaid Man: W-what are you doing here?
Man Ray: I'm here to tell you what you need to do to get the Soul Stone. That's what you're here for, isn't it?
(Mermaid Man and Miss Appear look at each other, then Mermaid Man nods.)
Man Ray: In order to get the stone, you must sacrifice the soul of the one you love most. A soul for a soul. Once you've done that, the stone is yours.
(Mermaid Man and Miss Appear look at each other again, this time with pained expressions on their face.)
Mermaid Man: Jane, I love you, but you're not the one I love most.
(Mermaid Man turns to Man Ray.)
Mermaid Man: It's you, Jack. It was always you. All those years we spent fighting each other were simply meant to hide our love from a world that wasn't ready to accept it yet. I knew it, but did you?
Man Ray: I...I don't remember...I...
(Mermaid Man takes off Man Ray's mask to reveal a human underneath, a human who is now crying.)
Mermaid Man: Goodbye, Jack.
(Mermaid Man pushes Man Ray off the mountain, and the soul stone appears in his hand seconds later.)
Miss Appear: So...so it's true.
Mermaid Man: You can believe what you want to believe, Jane.
(They stand in silence for a moment.)
Mermaid Man: Let's go back.
(Mermaid Man and Miss Appear walk back to the warehouse, where Patrick is still asleep. They use time machine to pick up Phil, then Captain Magma, then Elastic Waistband, and finally Plankton, who all got their infinity stones in time for the others to pick them up. Once they're in the present, they leave the infinity stones in the warehouse as they walk out.)
Phil: We had engineers at S.H.E.L.L. build a gauntlet after we first heard about the stones, but I don't think anybody there will be strong enough to contain the energy from those stones. Just holding onto the time stone for as long as I did nearly crippled me. I can't imagine what six of them will do.
Elastic Waistband: We need somebody with a high tolerance to nuclear energy.
Mermaid Man: (sighs) I have an idea, but I don't think you all will like it.
(Later that day, they bring the Atomic Flounder, who looks like his younger self again, to the warehouse.)
Atomic Flounder: I wish I knew about that De-Aging Booth before! I feel amazing!
Phil: Just don't try anything funny.
Atomic Flounder: Don't worry. I have grandkids I lost because of Thanos. I would love nothing more than to undo the havoc he has wrought.
(Phil gives the Atomic Flounder an infinity gauntlet, and he slides an arm into it before going into the warehouse and adding each of the stones to the gauntlet. He closes his eyes, snaps his fingers, and screams as the energy from the stones pulsate throughout his body. When Mermaid Man, Miss Appear, and Elastic Waistband walk into the warehouse, he's on his knees.)
Atomic Flounder: D-did it work?
Mermaid Man: I guess there's only one way to find out.
(Everyone drives to the Bikini Bottom Convention Hall. Once they get there, they find Pi-Right Ponderer, the Quickster, Barnacle Boy, and Urchin Man alive again.)
Captain Magma: We did it! We really brought them back!
(Suddenly, a fleet of spaceships appear over Bikini Bottom.)
Pi-Right Ponderer: This isn't over yet.
(One of the spaceships fly to the convention hall, and Thanos walks out.)
Thanos: It's time to finish this once and for all.
Elastic Waistband: How are you here? We saw your head get chopped off!
Thanos: Yeah, but...I got better.
(The Atomic Flounder shoots an atomic blast at Thanos from his mouth, but Thanos easily avoids it.)
Thanos: You could not live with your own failure. And where did that bring you? Back to me.
Miss Appear: Actually, you kind of came to us.
Thanos: Be quiet! I'm in the middle of one of my famous monologues! You know what, forget it! I'm taking that gauntlet, and then I'll use it to destroy the universe, and then I'll remake the universe into a better one.
(Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, The Quickster, Elastic Waistband, Miss Appear, Captain Magma, and Urchin Man get in between Thanos and Atomic Flounder.)
Mermaid Man: If you want the gauntlet, you'll have to go through us to get it.
(Thanos speaks into a communicator on his wrist.)
Thanos: Now.
(Aliens descend from the rest of the spaceships on ropes. The Atomic Flounder breaks some of the ropes with his atomic breath, and Captain Magma does the same by shooting lava from his head.)
Captain Magma: There's too many of them!
(Pi-Right Ponderer holds out a hand, and Bikini Bottomites start to manifest around them, including SpongeBob, Sandy, and the fish who left the meeting he set up at the convention hall.)
Pi-Right Ponderer: I know the thought of dying scares many of you, but if we don't eliminate this threat, it will kill not just us but everyone we've ever known.
(The fish, some of them still dressed like superheroes due to getting snapped before they could change, talk among themselves.)
Sandy: Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'm ready to kick some alien butt!
(As an alien lands, Sandy punches it.)
Sandy: Hi-ya!
(The rest of the fish swarm the other aliens as they land, and they start to fight as Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, The Quickster, Elastic Waistband, and Captain Magma charge at Thanos. Miss Appear stays with Atomic Flounder and uses her powers to put a veil over him that renders him invisible.)
Miss Appear: Protect the gauntlet at all costs.
Atomic Flounder: You got it.
(SpongeBob runs up to Patrick and Urchin Man, who are drinking soda.)
SpongeBob: Why aren't you two fighting with the others?
Urchin Man: I'm still thirsty from the nachos.
Patrick: And I'm thirsty from him being thirsty.
(SpongeBob sighs. Captain Magma is the first of the superheroes to reach Thanos.)
Captain Magma: I may not be that monster anymore, but I can still pack a punch!
(Captain Magma throws his fist at Thanos, but Thanos grabs the fist, picks Captain Magma up, and uses him to shoot lava at the other superheroes. The Quickster easily avoids the lava blasts and grabs Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, and Elastic Waistband to get them away from Thanos.)
Barnacle Boy: Where's Miss Appear at?
Mermaid Man: Keeping Atomic Flounder safe.
Barnacle Boy: (nods) And why is Atomic Flounder with us, again?
Mermaid Man: Trust me, we'll be able to answer all of your questions after we stop Thanos.
(Miss Appear disappears right before Thanos is able to shoot her with lava. Thanos squints and notices footprints in the sand heading towards Phil's van. Thanos follows the footprints to the van, and Phil appears from behind it with a gun.)
Thanos: Don't waste your bullets.
(Phil shoots Thanos, and Thanos ignores the gunshots as he slams the owner of the footprints into the van several times. Thanos feels someone kick him from behind, and he picks the invisible kicker up and squeezes until it's revealed to be Miss Appear.)
Miss Appear: (weakly) Stop.
Thanos: It's way too late for that, dear.
(Miss Appear goes unconscious, and Thanos feels an atomic blast hit him in the back seconds later. He turns around to find the Atomic Flounder, now visible again, staring back at him.)
Atomic Flounder: I won't let you get this gauntlet.
Thanos: I'm not giving you a choice.
(As the Atomic Flounder and Thanos fight, Captain Magma catches up to Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, The Quickster, and Elastic Waistband, and they all run towards Thanos. At the same time, the Bikini Bottomites manage to overpower the aliens, and they retreat back into their spaceships. The Bikini Bottomites cheer, and when they notice Thanos struggling with the Atomic Flounder, they run towards him. Patrick, still by the invisible boatmobile with Urchin Man and SpongeBob, watches all of the events unfold, and with his cup of soda now empty, he throws it to the ground and steps on it.)
Patrick: I'm tired of doing nothing! Stay here, SpongeBob! Live to tell our stories!
SpongeBob: You can tell them yourselves!
(The cone on Patrick's head expands to cover his body in metal again. He grabs Urchin Man and flies towards Thanos just as he wrestles the infinity gauntlet from the Atomic Flounder's arm. Thanos slides the gauntlet onto his arm and punches Patrick just as he gets there, causing the metal suit to retract again as Patrick falls to the ground. Phil shoots at Thanos again, and Thanos raises him into the sky with a gesture before sending him a mile away. The Quickster reaches him, and he easily avoids the Quickster's rapid punches before picking him up and throwing him into the rest of the heroes further out, sending them all into the ground. The Atomic Flounder uses what's left of his energy to shoot one last atomic blast from his mouth, but it does nothing to Thanos. Urchin Man grabs the Atomic Flounder and crawls under the van with him before Thanos can retaliate. Pi-Right Ponderer, who is now at the front of the group of Bikini Bottomites marching towards Thanos, stops them.)
Pi-Right Ponderer: Wait. With that gauntlet, he is too powerful even for all of us to take on.
Sandy: So, what do y'all reckon we do now?
Pi-Right Ponderer: Hope for a miracle.
(Before Thanos can raise the arm he's wearing the gauntlet on, Patrick, who no longer has the metal cone on his head, jumps on his arm, forcing Thanos to shake him off.)
Thanos: It's like I told those heroes of yours before. I am...inevitable.
(Thanos snaps his fingers, but nothing happens. He then looks down to see that Patrick now has the metal cone on his arm, with all of the infinity stones attached to it.)
Patrick: And I am...Patrick-Man!
(Patrick snaps his fingers, and Thanos disappears. Patrick then passes out just as SpongeBob reaches him.)
SpongeBob: Patrick!
(SpongeBob shakes Patrick, but he doesn't move. The metal cone slides off Patrick's arm, which has now been burnt to a crisp.)
SpongeBob: Patrick, you did it! You saved the world! (starts to cry) You saved us all.
(Urchin Man climbs back out from under the van with the Atomic Flounder.)
Urchin Man: Mr. Star?
(SpongeBob shakes his head. Pi-Right Ponderer and the Bikini Bottomites approach the scene, and the heroes, who regain consciousness shortly after, do the same.)
== Epilogue ==
(After Thanos is defeated, Plankton goes back in time to return each of the infinity stones. Before he returns the mind stone, however, he creates a duplicate to start the process of bringing back Karen. Captain Magma helps the city's fire fighters and other response units clean up the mess Krakatoa left. At the end of the week, all of the superheroes and other relevant characters are standing around a large rock in the middle of a cemetery with Patrick's name etched onto it.)
SpongeBob: He was more than a hero. He was a friend. My friend. Let us never forget the sacrifice he made for us.
(SpongeBob returns to Mr. Krabs and Sandy in the crowd, and later that night, after everybody leaves, the large rock moves, and Patrick climbs out from under it.)
Patrick: Man, I just had the craziest dream! (looks both ways) Wait, where am I?
(What a twist!)
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