Low Tides Trouble

==Characters==
Nat PetersonShubieSusieBaby BillySadie RechidSallyTina-FranCharlieClaytonNazz-MimiGuitaristClaire St. ClaireKeyboardistBlind MemberGroupie #1Groupie #2Groupie #3Groupie #4Groupie #5Perch PerkinsWomanManWoman's BabyTour Bus DriverSecurity GuardCasino DealerBikini Bottom Gossip HostPatty Rechid (on TV)Baby Rechid (on TV)Tom (flashback)Fred (flashback)Frankie-Billy (flashback)
==Transcript==
(Scene cuts to Sally listening to music while working on a science experiment in her backyard)
Radio: "And you're listening to 99.5, Bikini Bottom's greatest rock station! Hey all you Low Tides fans! The Low Tides ocean-wide tour will be stopping in Bikini Bottom tomorrow!"
Sally: "The Low Tides are coming to Bikini Bottom?! That's my favorite band! I have to get tickets!"
Radio: "But don't bother trying to get any tickets cuz this concert is sold out! Except for three front row seats that we will be giving away to our 100th caller right after this song! Don't go anywhere!" Sally runs into her house and comes back outside with a phone and a notepad.
Sally: "I have to get those tickets! Let's see, the guitar solo is playing which means the song will be ending in approximately 56 seconds... It's four o'clock on a Friday which means multiply the usual number of listeners by one and a half... Carry the four... Adjust for misdials and fat fingers... Punch in the number real fast... And in three, two, one!"
Radio Station: "Congratulations! You're our 100th caller! You just won three front row tickets to see the Low Tides live in Bikini Bottom tomorrow!" Sally screams with excitement.
Sally: "I did it! Three front row seats! But who am I going to invite? I'd better call Tina." Sally dials in a bunch of numbers.
(Scene cuts to Tina shopping at the Barg ‘N Mart)
Tina: "Hello?"
Sally: "Hi Tina! It's Sally. I just won three front row seats to the Low Tides concert! Do you and Charlie wanna come with me?"
Tina: "Sorry Sally, but me and Charlie already promised Clayton that we'd go with him. Clayton's bringing a date with him and really needs our help to make sure he doesn't screw thungs up. You know how terrible Clayton is with women."
(Scene cuts back to Sally) Sally laughs.
Sally: "Oh believe me, I know. It's fine. See you at the concert!" Sally hangs up.
Sally: "I'm sure Nazz would love to go." Sally punches in some numbers.
(Scene cuts to Nazz sitting in her kitchen) Nazz picks up the phone.
Nazz: "Hello? Low Tides concert?! Front row seats?! Me and Frankie would love to go! Oh, but tomorrow's a full moon. You know how Frankie gets. I'm sorry Sally, but thank you so much for the offer." Nazz hangs up the phone.
(Scene cuts back to Sally)
Sally: "Well who am I going to invite now? I guess I could take the kids. Oh, what am I saying? A concert is no place for children!" Sally laughs.
(Scene cuts to a flashback of Sally at a concert)
Sally: "I love this song!" Sally starts dancing and bumps into Tom. Tom turns around. Sally giggles nervously.
Sally: "Oh, sorry."
(Flashback ends)
Sally: "One year later we were married. Then we had two kids and then Tom left me for Martha.'I just don't like being with someone smarter than me. It makes me feel dumb', he said. Well maybe you are dumb, Tom! But that's enough about that. Speaking of the kids though, I better go buy them some cereal. They're running out of it." Sally walks over to her driveway, gets in her boat and drives away. Sally drives past Shubie who is watering her garden. Shubie waves as Sally drives by.
Shubie: "Hi Sally!" Sally waves back.
Sally: "Hi Shubie! Shubie's so nice. Her and Nat are such great neighbors. Wait a minute, that's it!" Sally puts her boat in reverse and drives back to Shubie.
Sally: "Hey Shubie, I won three front row seats to the Low Tides concert tomorrow. Do you and Nat want to come with me?"
Shubie: "The Low Tides?! That's my favorite band! We'd love to!"
Sally: "Great! It'll be so much fun! See you then!" Sally drives away.
(Scene cuts to Nat's house the next day)
Nat: "Thanks for watching Susie and Billy while we're gone, Sadie!"
Sadie: "Oh no problem, Nat! I'd do anything for you. That's what friends are for!" Sally pulls up in front of Nat's house.
Shubie: "Oh, there's Sally. Be on your best behavior, Susie. I don't want you causing any problems for Mrs. Rechid. We'll be back late tonight so you better be in bed when we get home."
Susie: "Ok Mom."
Shubie: "Good." Shubie pats Susie on the head and her and Nat get into Sally's boat. Sally starts to drive away. Sadie waves goodbye to them.
Sadie: "Bye! Have a great time! This is perfect! With the house all to myself I'll be able to snoop around and find out everything about Nat. I can find out about his hobbies, look at his internet history... read his secret diary! Even Shubie's never read that! Oh, I can't wait to see what he wrote about me!" Sadie runs inside the house.
(Scene cuts to Sally's boat) Sally waves back at Sadie.
Sally: "Bye Sadie! Wow, you two have a really nice house. I love your garden, Shubie."
Shubie: "Thanks Sally! I just planted some new kelp last weekend."
Sally: "You're welcome! Your house is much nicer than that old trailer we used to live in! Remember that Nat?"
(Scene cuts to a flashback) Sally walks out of a trailer hauling two trash bags. Sally throws the bags in a garbage can and walks back inside. Sally sees Nat watching TV.
Sally: "Nat, have you been watching TV all morning? You were supposed to take out the trash. Now all the neighbors saw me with my curlers in. Can you look for a job today, honey? I've been using all my money to pay the bills and I really need to buy some uranium for the shrink ray I'm trying to invent."
Nat: "I'll do it later. I'm busy right now."
Sally: "Busy?! You've been watching the same show for the past three days! You haven't left that chair for weeks! Are you even listening to me?"
Nat: "Shhh... You're interrupting my show!" Sally sighs. Sally looks out the window and sees Fred and Frankie-Billy walking down the street on their way to work. Sally turns towards Nat and points out the window.
Sally: "Why can't you be more like them?!" Nat burps. Sally sighs.
Sally: "I'm going to go take out my curlers." Sally walks away.
(Flashback ends)
Sally: "Me and Nat dated for a few months after you divorced. He spent most of our relationship sitting around and watching TV in the trailer we lived in. He refused to get a job or even shower. It was really hard seeing him like that. It's so great seeing him so happy now that you two are back together. Oh! It looks like we're already here!" Sally pulls into the parking lot.
Shubie: "I'm so excited! I'll finally be able to see the Low Tides in person! I never thought this day would come!" Sally, Shubie and Nat get out of the boat and walk into the stadium.
(Scene cuts to Sally, Shubie and Nat inside the stadium) Sally points at some open seats in the front row.
Sally: "Oh! Those must be our seats!" Sally, Shubie and Nat walk down to their seats and sit down. Shubie takes a bite out of her Krabby patty.
Shubie: "I can't believe the Krusty Krab is selling food for this concert! Usually stadium food is unappealing but now we can have great food and great music!" Nat takes a bite out of his Krabby patty.
Nat: "You said it, Shubie!" 
Shubie: "Hey, there's Tina, Charlie and Clayton! Up there, a few rows back! I wonder who's that purple fish sitting next to Clayton." The lights in the stadium dim.
Sally: "Oh! I think they're starting!" The curtains open and smoke appears on the stage. The smoke clears and the Low Tides appear on stage. The crowd starts cheering.
Guitarist: "Hey Bikini Bottom! Are you fish ready to rock?! One! Two! Three! Four!" The guitarist starts singing and the band starts playing. The crowd cheers louder.
Sally: "We're so close I can almost touch them! This is a dream come true!" The band continues to play. The guitarist runs back and forth on the stage giving high fives to the fans in the front row.
Sally: "Did you see that?! He touched my hand! The lead singer of the Low Tides touched my hand! If I didn’t believe in cleanliness I'd never wash this fin again!" Sally shrieks with delight. The guitarist continues playing the guitar.
Guitarist: "Hey Low Tides fans! I'm going to need a little help finishing this song. Do you know what time it is?"
Crowd: "It's time to... Pick! A! Fan!"
Guitarist: "You got it! Now give me your best Low Tides cheer and I'll pick one lucky fan to come up here and end this song with me!" The crowd starts cheering even louder. The guitarist looks around the front row. Sally starts jumping up and down.
Sally: "Pick me! Pick me!" The guitarist spots Shubie and smirks.
Guitarist: "Bingo."
Sally: "He's coming this way! I'm going to go on stage and sing with the Low Tides! This is the happiest night of my life!" The guitarist leans over towards Shubie and grabs her fin.
Guitarist: "How'd you like to come up here and help me finish this song?"
Shubie: "Oh, no. I couldn't..."
Guitarist: "Oh, nonsense!" The guitarist pulls Shubie onto the stage.
Guitarist: "Hey Bikini Bottom! Say hello to tonight's lucky fan! What's your name, gorgeous?"
Shubie: "Shubie."
Guitarist: "What a beautiful name for such a beautiful lady." Shubie giggles and blushes. Nat gets angry.
Guitarist: "Everyone give Shubie a round of applause! Now Shubie, do you have a backstage pass tonight?" Shubie shakes her head.
Guitarist: "A pretty girl like you deserves a backstage pass. Security! Get this fine young lady a backstage pass!"
Shubie: "Oh thank you so much! Can you get a pass for my hus-"
Guitarist: "Now what do you stay we finish this song?" The guitarist kisses Shubie's hand. Shubie blushes. Nat gets even angrier.
(Scene cuts to Nat and Sally waiting outside the backstage area after the concert) 
Sally: "If only I brought someone else instead of Shubie I would be in there right now. I should've taken Martha or Mable." Nat looks at his watch.
Nat: "What's taking so long? Shubie's been back there for three hours! I just hope nothing bad is going on in there." Nat tries to peer through the window but a security guard stops him.
Security guard: "No peeping without a backstage pass." Nat sighs. Shubie walks outside.
Shubie: "That was amazing! You should've been there Nat! I got to meet all the members of the Low Tides! Claire St. Claire, the guitarist and the other two members! I got to go on a tour of their dressing rooms and everything! It was so much fun!" The guitarist walks outside.
Guitarist: "Who says the fun needs to end? How'd you like to come on tour with us as one of our groupies, Shubie? You can come too, yellow." The guitarist points at Sally. Sally screams with delight and hugs Shubie.
Sally: "We're going to be groupies for the Low Tides!" Sally puts Shubie back down and stops hugging her.
Shubie: "I'd love to!"
Nat: "What?!"
Shubie: "But I have a job and I don't think my boss would let me miss a month of work to go on tour with the Low Tides." Nat breathes a sigh of relief.
(Scene cuts to Shubie later that night standing in front of her house wearing a shirt that says Come Buy Our Clothes at the Bikini Bottom Mall!)
Shubie: "I can't believe my boss is letting me miss a whole month of work to go on tour with the Low Tides! He said that wearing this shirt while on tour will generate a lot more customers!"
Guitarist: "That's wonderful, Shubie! Let me help load your bags for you."
Shubie: "Oh, thank you!" The guitarist smiles.
Guitarist: "My pleasure!" The guitarist grabs Shubie's bags and loads them onto the tour bus parked outside her house.
Sally: "This is so exciting! I've always dreamed of going on tour with the Low Tides!" Sally grabs her bags and walks onto the bus.
Nat: "Shubie, can I talk to you for a minute?" Shubie walks over to Nat.
Shubie: "Don't be worried about taking care of the kids all by yourself, Nat. I'm sure you'll do great! Just remember to pick them up from school and make sure Susie brushes her teeth every night. Don't want her getting an cavities."
Nat: "Thanks, Shubie. But I'm not worried about that. I'm worried about you."
Shubie: "Me? Why?"
Nat: "Well, I'm just a little unsure about that guitarist. It seems like he wants you to be more than just a groupie. You know how shady rock stars can be. They don't have the best reputation."
Shubie: "Oh, don't worry Nat. The Low Tides seem like great guys. You should've met them backstage. They were really nice and funny."
Nat: "Yeah probably because they were trying to impress you. Look Shubie, I don't think you should go. Being away from home for so long might make you make bad decisions that could end up hurting both of us later."
Shubie: "What's that supposed to mean? Do you think I'm so stupid that I'd forget how much my family means to me in thirty days?! And even if these guys are as shady as you think, which they're not, I can take care of myself. I don't need any protection from you. Bye, Nat. I'll be back in a month. Hopefully you'll think more of me then." Shubie turns away and gets onto the tour bus. 
Guitarist: "Next stop, Bass Vegas!" The guitarist smiles and closes the bus' doors. The bus drives away. Sadie walks over to Nat.
Nat: "Hey, Sadie. Thanks for watching the kids tonight."
Sadie: "Of course! What's going on here? I saw a big bus parked outside my house."
Nat: "Shubie and Sally got asked at the concert to travel with the Low Tides for the next month as groupies so they were just picking her up now."
Sadie: "Shubie's going on tour with the Low Tides?! You know what goes on on those tours right? Bands don't just ask any girls to travel with them. They must be interested in her."
Nat: "I know. That's what I'm afraid of."
Sadie: "Oh Nat, I'm so sorry. For all we know she could already be cheating on you. Tell you what, if Shubie's going to be gone for the next month, why don't I help you take care of the kids until she gets back? You must be under a lot of stress right now and it would be my pleasure to help you get through this."
Nat: "Thanks, Sadie. But don’t you need to take care of your own family?"
Sadie: "Oh, don’t worry. Fred is in the hospital again and my step-kids are all at Mable's for the week while he recovers. I'm sure Patty or Nazz can take care of the baby for me too. Now come on, why don't we go inside and watch a nice, relaxing movie together to help you take your mind off the fact that your wife might be cheating on you. I'll go make some popcorn!" Sadie and Nat walk into Nat's house.
(Scene cuts to Shubie and Sally on the tour bus)
Guitarist: "Ladies, welcome to your new home for the next month! We have a movie theater, a jacuzzi, a bowling alley, and a secret lounge in the back that I'm sure you two will see at least once during our tour! Each room comes with built in speakers that play every Low Tides song ever recorded, even ones that have never been released to the public! These rooms right here are for me and the band. Your beds are back here. Come! Let me show you!"
Sally: "Wow, this bus has everything! Aren’t you excited Shubie? We're going to be living here with the Low Tides for the next month!" The guitarist opens a curtain.
Guitarist: "Groupies! Meet your newest members! Say hello to Shubie and Sally! They're from Bikini Bottom!"
Groupies: "Hiiiiiiii!"
Guitarist: "I'm sure you two will fit right in with the rest. Don't stay up too late tonight, groupies! We have a big show ahead of us tomorrow!" The guitarist leaves.
Sally: "Are you guys big fans of the Low Tides too?"
Groupie #1: "Big fans? We're much more than that! The Low Tides are our life! You see my tongue? It was signed in permanent marker by the lead singer!" The groupie sticks her tongue out to show Shubie and Sally. Another groupie points at her elbow.
Groupie #2: "See this elbow? Claire St. Claire accidentally touched it when I asked him to sign a record 3 years, 257 days, 7 hours and 38 minutes ago! I haven't washed it since!"
Groupie #3: "One time after a concert in Ukulele Bottom, the lead singer gave me a guitar string that broke at the end of the show. I had it surgically implanted in my hair! The surgery cost $23,000!" The groupie shows Shubie and Sally the guitar string in her hair.
Groupie #4: "That's nothing! Do you recognize my hair? It was featured in the Low Tides official poster for their concert in Dullsville last January! See? If you look at it with a microscope you can see my hair in the crowd behind the band! I'm practically a member of the Low Tides!" The groupie puts a microscope over the poster to show Shubie and Sally.
Groupie #5: "I own every Low Tides memorabilia ever known! Like this rare action figure of keyboard player with brown hair! Only six were ever released to the public before they were recalled and repainted to the correct blonde color!"
Groupie #1: "You two are going to love the concert tomorrow! Bass Vegas is always lots of fun!"
Groupie #2: "Yeah, especially when we all come back from the casino and the band members take us into the secret lounge."
Shubie: "What's in this secret lounge?"
Groupie #1: "Sorry, I can't tell you. Only people who've been to the secret lounge before can talk about it. It's a rule of the tour."
Groupie #5: "I've never been there before and I've been a groupie for five years!"
(Scene cuts to Nat walking into his kitchen) Nat sees Sadie cooking breakfast.
Nat: "Sadie! You're up early!" Sadie laughs.
Sadie: "Yeah, just thought I'd better get started on breakfast! It's almost ready. That movie was really good last night, wasn’t it? I bet it really took your mind off of Shubie and the Low Tides!" Nat sighs.
Nat: "Yeah, it did until just now." Sadie puts an omelet on a plate and places it on the table in front of Nat.
Sadie: "Oh, I'm so sorry Nat! Me and my loud mouth! Why don't you just focus on eating your breakfast. I'll eat mine real fast and take Susie to school. Then when I get back I'll take you to work. We can carpool now that we're living together! How does that sound?"
Nat: "That sounds great! I can't thank you enough for all your help."
Sadie: "Oh, don't mention it! I'd do anything for you, Nat." 
Nat: "I'll be right back. I'll go tell Susie that breakfast is ready." Nat starts to get out of his seat, but Sadie stops him.
Sadie: "Oh, don't get up, Nat. I'll get the kids. Just sit back, relax and finish your breakfast. I wouldn't want your omelette getting cold." Sadie walks out of the kitchen.
Sadie: "Susie! Your breakfast is ready! And get your little brother too! I made some baby food for him!"
Susie (from upstairs): "Okay!"
Sadie: "This plan couldn't be working any more perfectly! Soon Nat will forget all about Shubie and will have no choice but to marry me! I've really outdone myself this time! Who knew Shubie would be stupid enough to leave Nat for a full month?" 
(Scene cuts to Shubie and Sally backstage after the concert) 
Shubie: "I can't believe we got to see the Low Tides play for two days in a row!"
Sally: "I know! And we got to stay in the VIP area with the other groupies! I've never been in one of those suites before!" The guitarist walks into the backstage area.
Guitarist: "How'd you groupies like the show?" All the groupies except Sally and Shubie scream excitedly. The guitarist laughs.
Guitarist: "Glad to see you all enjoyed it! Now how'd you all like to come with the band to the casino?" The groupies scream again.
Guitarist: "Love this energy, groupies! Keep it up during the show! Oh and Sally?"
Sally: "Yes?"
Guitarist: "You'll have a very special job today. You'll be the person who helps pack up our blind member's equipment and load it on the bus! Now where is that little guy? Oh, here he is! Sally's going to be helping you today." The guitarist grabs the blind member from behind the curtain and sends him over to Sally. The blind member walks into Sally.
Blind member: "Oh! Pardon me, young man!" 
Sally: "No it's quite alright."
Guitarist: "Make sure he gets to the casino safely too, Sally. The rest of you, follow me! Let's go have some fun at the casino!" The groupies follow the guitarist out the door.
Shubie: "You want some help, Sally?"
Sally: "No I'll be okay. It's probably not too much stuff. Go have fun at the casino. I'll see you there later."
Shubie: "Ok. See you later, Sally!" Shubie walks out the door.
Sally: "Now let me just put this equipment away." Sally reaches down to put the blind member's instrument in its case.
Blind member: "My instrument should be over here. Let me just grab it for you." The blind member touches Sally's behind.
Sally: "Oh!"
(Scene cuts to the casino)
Guitarist: "You know how to play this game, Shubie?"
Shubie: "Oh, no. I'm not really the gambling type. I think casinos are nothing but a scam that trick desperate people into throwing all their money away." The guitarist laughs.
Guitarist: "You're funny, Shubie! I like that. Now, the way this game works is, you bet on a number and if the ball lands on it, you win a ton of money. So pick a number, Shubie, and I'll bet on it."
Shubie: "Okay. What about, um, red 45?"
Guitarist: "Red 45? Ok, red 45 it is! I'd like to bet $200,000 on red 45!" The ball starts rolling.
Shubie: "Woah, $200,000?! That's a lot of money. I wouldn't bet that much if I were you. I really don't know how to play this game."
Guitarist: "Relax, Shubie. This is pocket change for me."
Dealer: "Red 45!"
Guitarist: "Red 45?! You did it, Shubie! I just won a million dollars!" The guitarist hugs Shubie.
Shubie: "Oh, it was just a lucky guess."
Guitarist: "Nonsense! We've come to this casino on the past five tours and I've never won this game! You're my good luck charm!" Sally walks into the casino and over to Shubie.
Shubie: "Sally! You just missed it! I helped the lead singer win one million dollars!"
Sally: "That's great, Shubie!"
Shubie: "How was packing up the equipment?"
Sally: "It wasn't that bad. He kept accidentally bumping into me though."
Blind member: "This must be where the slot machines are!" The blind member grabs Sally's butt.
(Scene cuts to Shubie and the guitarist sitting inside the movie theater in the tour bus)
Guitarist: "Wow Shubie, you sure were lucky tonight! I won five million dollars at that casino!"
Shubie: "Thanks. It was all lucky guesses though. I didn't understand most of those games at all. Especially the card ones."
Guitarist: "Don't be so modest! You definitely knew what you were doing. You're a very smart lady which is rare for someone with your looks." Shubie blushes.
Guitarist: "Do you want to hangout with me in my room for a little while?" Shubie looks at her watch.
Shubie: "No, but thanks for the offer. It's getting pretty late. I should probably get some sleep. I wouldn't want to keep you up since you have another concert tomorrow." Shubie gets off the couch and walks out of the room.
(Scene cuts to Sadie and Nat watching TV that night) The movie they're watching ends. Sadie snuggles next to Nat.
Sadie: "Wasn't that such a great movie? I never saw that twist coming! Who knew it was his sister all along! That stinks that it's over. Let's see what's on the news." Sadie grabs the remote and changes the channel.
Perch Perkins: "Breaking news from Bass Vegas! Lead singer of everyone's favorite band, the Low Tides, just won $5 million dollars tonight at a casino in Bass Vegas. Here's what he had to say about his winning streak." The TV cuts to the guitarist at the casino earlier that night.
Guitarist: "Oh, I had nothing to do with any of that. All of that money was thanks to this little lady right here. She's my good luck charm!" The guitarist puts her arm around Shubie. The TV cuts back to Perch Perkins.
Perch Perkins: "That little lady is none other than Bikini Bottomite, Shubie Peterson. Shubie works at a local clothing store in the mall. Since she went on tour with the Low Tides, that clothing store's sales have gone up 200%! The manager owes all that success to Shubie, telling Bikini Bottom news, 'Shubie going on tour is the best thing that ever happened to my store! It has really helped spread our brand to people who would have never heard of it if it wasn't for her'. The news will continue after this short break." Sadie turns off the TV.
Sadie: "Oh Nat, I know that must've been so hard to watch. The way he had his arm around your wife and everything! You know what 'lucky charm' is code for don't you? Don't worry Nat, I know this hurts now, but trust me, you will make another woman very happy. There are plenty of single women out there for you! And maybe even ones who are married that could become single again. Like let's say, a certain fish who works in the mall that you see every day..."
Nat: "Martha?"
Sadie: "No, not Martha! Let's just get to bed, Nat. A good night sleep will help you get over Shubie."
(Scene cuts to Shubie and Sally bowling in the bowling alley inside the tour bus. The guitarist and Claire St. Claire walk into the bowling alley)
Guitarist: "Hey ladies, how'd you like the concert tonight?"
Shubie: "It was great! The fans where cheering so loudly I could barely hear you two sometimes!"
Guitarist: "Yeah, the people in Next Town always go nuts during our concerts." Shubie bends down and grabs a ball. The guitarist smirks. Shubie bowls a strike.
Sally: "Nice strike, Shubie!"
Guitarist: "Wow, that was some bowl. What would you two ladies say about playing a little friendly two on two against us?" Shubie smiles.
Shubie: "Bring it on!"
Guitarist: "Great! I'll go first!" The guitarist bowls and knocks down four pins. The guitarist bowls again and knocks down two more. Shubie laughs.
Shubie: "You're gonna have to do better than that!" Shubie bowls another strike.
Sally: "Oh! Oh! My turn! My turn! Let me get a ball!" Sally runs over to the ball rack. Sally grabs a bowl and Clair St. Claire tries to grab the same one which causes their hands to touch. Sally blushes and they both laugh awkwardly.
Sally: "Your tentacle is stuck to my arm."
Claire St. Claire: "Oh, sorry." Sally and Claire St. Claire try to pull their arms apart but they only get more stuck together. Sally and Claire St. Claire continue to laugh. Finally, they are able to pull their arms apart.
Claire St. Claire: "Well, you know, I'm not really much of a bowler." Sally giggles.
Sally: "Yeah, neither am I."
Claire St. Claire: "Do you want to check out the secret lounge with me?"
Sally: "I'd love to!" Sally and Claire St. Claire walk out of the bowling alley.
Shubie: "Well, there goes our game. We could always play one on one if you want to."
Guitarist: "No, it's okay. I'm clearly not the greatest bowler either." Shubie and the guitarist laugh.
Shubie: "I'll say! That's great for Sally though. She is such a huge fan of the band and her and Claire St. Claire looked so cute together just now!"
Guitarist: "Well you know, they're not the only two people who look good together."
Shubie: "Oh, are you talking about the keyboardist and that one groupie? I see it too! They seem to have such great chemistry together."
Guitarist: "No, I was talking about..."
Shubie: "Oh! That reminds me! I promised one of the groupies that I'd help him clean his action figures tonight! I accidentally spilled some milk on one of them during breakfast." Shubie leaves the room.
(Scene cuts to Shubie and Sally at another concert)
Shubie: "Wow! That might've been the best concert yet! Who knew Claire St. Claire could play a clarinet solo for twelve minutes straight without taking a single breath?"
Sally: "Yeah, that man really knows how to use his tentacles." The Low Tides walk into the VIP room.
Guitarist: "Hey, groupies! What did you all think off the show?" The groupies scream with delight. The guitarist laughs.
Guitarist: "That's always great to hear! Are you ready to party in New Kelp City?" The groupies scream again.
Shubie: "Ooo, where are we going? I heard that NKC has a lot of really fun night clubs!"
Guitarist: "Actually Shubie, I was thinking maybe you and I go somewhere else tonight. I need your help with something."
(Scene cuts to Shubie and the guitarist at a very fancy restaurant)
Shubie: "Wow this place is beautiful! It might be even nicer than Fancy!. This might be out of my price range though. I don't know if I can afford most of the items on this menu."
Guitarist: "Oh don't worry, Shubie. Dinner's on me!"
Shubie: "Really? Thanks so much! So why did you take me here tonight?"
Guitarist: "I just need some advice on a little something. You see I'm sort of interested in one of the groupies..."
Shubie: "Aw, that's so cute! Which one is it?"
Guitarist: "That's not important. I just need some advice on how to talk to her. I'm really nervous and I just don't know what to say. So what do you think of me, Shubie? Be honest. What are my best traits?"
Shubie: "Well, you're sweet, funny, very handsome, charming and you're a very talented singer and guitarist. I'm sure that you could make any girl fall in love with you with ease as long as you're yourself."
Guitarist: "You really think all that about me?"
Shubie: "Of course I do!" Shubie looks over and sees a woman feeding her baby at the table next to them.
Guitarist: "Great, because what if I told you that the groupie I'm interested is..." 
Shubie: "Oh my gosh! You can't be serious!" 
Guitarist: "Yes Shubie, the fish I'm interested in is..."
Shubie: "Excuse me, ma'am? Is that the new baby formula?"
Woman: "Why yes, it is."
Shubie: "I've been looking everywhere for it for my baby! It's been sold out for weeks! No stores have it in Bikini Bottom. Where did you buy it?"
Woman: "My husband and I bought it at the grocery store down the street. You think they still have some, hun?"
Man: "They should if you go now."
Shubie: "Oh thank you so much! I can't wait to feed it to Billy when I get home! Good luck with talking to the groupie you're interested in! I'm sure things will go great as long as you be yourself!" Shubie runs out of the restaurant.
(Scene cuts to Shubie relaxing in the jacuzzi in the tour bus) The guitarist walks into the room.
Guitarist: "Hey Shubie. Relaxing in the jacuzzi, I see?"
Shubie: "Yeah, it's so calm and comforting. I wish I had one of these in my house."
Guitarist: "You mind if I join you?"
Shubie: "Sure! Come on in! There's plenty of room." The guitarist walks into the jacuzzi.
Guitarist: "Why don't you take off that shirt, Shubie? Dip your whole body in and relax."
Shubie: "I would but my manager said..."
Guitarist: "No one else is in here but us, Shubie. It's not like someone's just going to walk in here, see your shirt and then want to shop at that store." Shubie laughs.
Shubie: "Yeah, I guess you're right." Shubie takes off her shirt and dips more of her body into the jacuzzi. The guitarist's eyes pop out from behind his glasses. Shubie laughs.
Shubie: "What? Why are you looking at me that way?"
Guitarist: "Shubie, you look stunning! Have I ever told you how gorgeous you are?" Shubie blushes.
Shubie: "Maybe once or twice."
Guitarist: "What if I told you that we could go into my secret lounge right now alone and have the most fun you've ever had in your life? Fun that would last for hours and hours!" Shubie looks at her watch.
Shubie: "Well, I do love having fun. And I've always wanted to see what that secret lounge looks like. But it's getting kind of late. I think I'd better go to bed." Shubie yawns. Shubie starts to get out of the jacuzzi but the guitarist grabs her arm.
Guitarist: "Don't go anywhere! What type of game are you playing with me? No woman's ever resisted me before! I'm tired of you toying with me, Shubie. I will not be denied. Let's go to the secret lounge. Now!"
Shubie: "What's going on? Let go of my arm!"
Guitarist: "Not until you agree to come to the secret lounge!" 
Shubie: "No!" Shubie punches him in the face and the guitarist let’s go of her arm. Shubie runs out of the room. The guitarist chases after her. Shubie runs through the tour bus and out the exit. The guitarist chases after her.
Guitarist: "Stop running! You're just making a fool of yourself!" Shubie stops and turns around.
Shubie: "Why are you acting this way? I thought you were such a nice guy until now. You've been such a good friend."
Guitarist: "Friend?! Stop messing with me! You're the groupie I'm interested in. Ever since I saw you at that Bikini Bottom concert I knew I had to make you mine. And I know you're interested in me too. So let's just do this. You know you want to."
Shubie: "I'm not interested in you! I'm a married woman! I love my husband more than anything in the world. I would never be able to live with myself if I betrayed him the way you want me to. I thought we were friends. It was a dream come true being able to have so much fun with my favorite singer. But now I realize who you really are. You're nothing but a good for nothing barnaclehead with no morals! I can't believe your only motive was to use me and then discard me right after. You may be able to do that with the rest of your fans but not me. I love my family too much to throw it all away for one night with you, no matter how successful you are. Goodbye. I'm leaving the tour." Shubie turns and walks away. The guitarist grabs her arm.
Guitarist: "Shubie, please! Don't go! Don't throw this opportunity away."
Shubie: "I said no!" Shubie punches the guitarist in the face. Shubie continues walking away.
(Scene cuts to Sally, the other groupies and the other members of the Low Tides walking back to the bus)
Sally: "That night club sure was fun! Hey, what's going on here?"
Blind Member: "Looks like Shubie's leaving the tour."
Sally: "Oh. I wonder what happened. Hey, wait a minute! How did you know that? Aren't you supposed to be blind? How can you see her walking away?" The blind member laughs nervously.
Blind Member: "Well, um.... You see... I must be cured! It's a miracle!"
Sally: "You mean to tell me that you've been faking your disability this whole time? So all the times you touched my you-know-what you were doing it on purpose?! Why you little..." Sally grabs the blind member. The blind member laughs nervously.
Blind Member: "You wouldn't hurt a guy with glasses would you?" Sally takes off the blind member's glasses, throws them onto the ground and steps on them. The glasses break. Sally throws him into a trashcan.
Sally: "I quit too." Sally walks away.
(Scene cuts to Sadie and Nat sitting on the couch in Nat's house watching TV)
Nat: "Thanks so much for helping me take care of the kids these past few days, Sadie! It's really made this situation easier for me."
Sadie: "Of course Nat! That's what great friends are for! I'll always be there for you when you need me. Look, I know how upset you still are about Shubie, but things will work out over time. You'll find someone else, maybe someone even better for you than she ever was. Someone like... Oh, I shouldn't say it now." Sadie turns away but Nat grabs her fin.
Nat: "Wait! Someone like who, Sadie?" Sadie turns back towards Nat and grabs his other fin.
Sadie: "Oh my gosh! You're holding my fins! Oh, what the heck? Nat, I've been meaning to tell you this for a long time. That person is..."
Nat: "Hey! What's that?" Nat lets go of Sadie's fins and points at the TV.
Host: "It's past midnight and no one's watching TV anymore so you know what that means! It's time for... Bikini Bottom Gossip! The show that brings you the juiciest gossip in Bikini Bottom! First up! Are the Low Tides in Trouble? Local BBG reporter caught this in New Kelp City less than 30 minutes ago."
Shubie (on the TV): "I'm not interested in you! I'm a married woman! I love my husband more than anything in the world. I would never be able to live with myself if I betrayed him the way you want me to. I thought we were friends. It was a dream come true being able to have so much fun with my favorite singer. But now I realize who you really are. You're nothing but a good for nothing barnaclehead with no morals!"
Host: "Trying to do something immoral by seducing a married woman? That's not a good image for the Low Tides. Looks like they've been cancelled! Next up! Successful realtor, Patty Rechid, was caught taking care of a baby outside her house today. Has she been hiding a child from us this whole time? And who's the father? The answer to that question will be coming up right after this!" Shubie bursts into the house.
Shubie: "Nat! You were right! I'm so sorry for doubting you! Nothing happened on the tour, I swear!" Shubie starts crying and hugs Nat.
Nat: "It's okay, Shubie. I know you didn't do anything."
Shubie: "You do?!" Nat nods his head.
Shubie: "Oh Nat, I've missed you so much!"
Nat: "I've missed you too, Shubie." Nat and Shubie kiss. Sadie groans and rolls her eyes. 
Sadie: "Of course, nothing could possibly go wrong for you two." Nat and Shubie stop kissing.
Shubie: "Sadie? What are you doing here?"
Nat: "She helped me take care of the kids while you were gone."
Shubie: "Oh Sadie, you're such a great friend! I know I can always count on you!" Shubie hugs Sadie. Sadie sighs.
Sadie: "Yeah. Don't mention it, Shubie. I'll just be on my way and leave you two lovebirds to yourselves. Why doesn't Neptune ever answer my prayers!" Sadie walks out the front door and closes it behind her.
Nat: "So what should we do now that we have the house all to ourselves?" Shubie looks at her watch.
Shubie: "Well, it's getting pretty late. We should probably get some sleep."
(Scene ends)
Category:Nat Peterson Adventures!
Category:Episodes
Category:Transcripts
Category:Episode transcripts