John Deere Raytheon

== Overview ==
John Deere Raytheon is a man who sold himself to corporations.
== Detailed Biography ==
20 years ago, JD started selling off his naming rights to corporations – first John Deere, and Raytheon following. He has also sold organ rights to multiple businesses, specifically Ford for his liver and MetLife for his lungs. But most importantly, he has sold large blocks of his daily time to businesses interested in having him present for on-site advertisement.
JD's day begins at 6:00 AM, when he heads to Cracker Barrel to undo all the triangle puzzles. He then goes to the nearest Best Buy around 9:00 AM and and watches the Best Buy cut of Avatar. Around noon he takes a lunch break to listen to Starbucks album compilations, and then DJs at Starbucks for three hours. The remainder of his day is a media blitz, complete with appearances on Joe Rogan's podcast, NPR, and Double Heads.
Despite his inclination to make money through questionable means, JD's life goal is to see his name in lights – whether that be fireworks or a missing persons billboard. His original name was Zach Pugh, and every so often he drops the business names to do comedy, a lifelong passion he continues to foster.
== Appearances ==
Sellouts