Ninjas on the Moon (1983)

Ninjas on the Moon is a live-action movie released in 1983 as a joint effort between Nine Inch Nails, LJN, and the History Channel. It stars the Ninja Spy (portrayed by some Asian actor we don't know of) and is a movie continuation of the ending of the hit video game Ninja Golf on Atari 7600. It's based off a true story of that time a bunch of ninjas battled on the Moon, but with some liberties taken.
= Story =
== Prologue ==
The UnEarth is being contaminated with a new incurable disease which makes living creatures less and less aggressive, first starting out with all frogs becoming vegan and eating carrots, spreading to bees which would no longer sting humans, and towards the fish of the Atlantic. The highly trained ninjas and samurai ate fish and were concerned about Humans catching this new pestilence, not being able to enjoy their style of life if their species became infected.
So the ninjas with the help of NASA and the minister of the Japan, Hatsune Miku, the ninjas were able to escape to the Moon to continue being ninjas, and the samurai got one of Jupiter's secret moons where they'd start the Manhattan Project 2. When all 40 million ninjas got to the Moon they carried a lifetime's supply of water and fruit, and brought trees and water heaters so they wouldn't need to wear space equipment and just roam out in space and jump really high while the humans on UnEarth would experience no more wars.
== Beginnings of Chaos ==
Everything was fine for the first few weeks with ninjas slicing their watermelons, agriculture, eating space sushi from space fish, and fighting each other for 5 years. But then all of the sudden, the ninjas that have been on the dark side of the Moon for over a thousand years called the Dark Ninjas with their prisms attacked the ninja civilization, causing Super Mario, the Shogun of the Moon sent Ninja Spy to deal with this threat. Ninja spy, dressed in black, had a plan to disrupt the food chain of the Dark Ninjas by infiltrating their pagoda castles with Rope and ninja skillz, stealing their Lamp Oil so nobody could see, and killing supreme ninja officials inside on the top floors using Bombs and stealing goods like sushi and ramen to fuel his side. So he went to their pagoda castle in the ninja ninja region.
During the middle of the raid, he was discovered after his cloak ran out because Ninja Spy didn't have the cloak and dagger. A lot of ninjas were sent after him, and a lot of blood of the Dark Ninja underlings were spilled during this encounter and a spectacular fight raged on for, dodging kicks and swords and snapping necks with just a single Roundhouse Kick. But Ninja Spy was forced to retreat to the ninja hot springs on the light side of the Moon when their dragon appeared.
Ninja spy would try again with their exploding ninja mini-golf to lower their morale and encountered the Dark Ninjas legendary Dark Ninja warrior Ninja Teletubby, a stoic man wearing white as opposed to Ninja Spy's black attire and fought using conniver's kunais instead of swords. They dueled at a good old game of exploding ninja mini-golf and both got perfectly matched scores, each and every single round, for 12 hours straight. They both parted ways to challenge each other at a later date. since they had to get back home because the Moon, err, UnEarth stared to set and it was really late, you know.
However when Ninja Spy returned, Mario was assassinated and left a gift for Ninja Spy in the form of a text OVER 9000 pages long; Mario always held onto Enclosed Instruction Book for the bravest warrior, almost as if it were destined to be given to someone special (get da hint?) The knowledge contained within would probably on its own make Ninja Spy 10x better, but who knows.
==The Tournament Arc/Quest for the Enclosed Instruction Book==
File:Ninja tournament start.png|This is the start of the tournament, nobody has won yet.
File:Ninja tournament 1.png
File:Ninja tournament 2.png
File:Ninja tournament 3.png
File:Ninja tournament 4.png|Into the semi-finals
File:Ninja tournament 5.png
File:Ninja tournament 6.png|The finals
File:Ninja tournament end.png|The winner is... Ninja Spy!
It wasn't for Ninja Spy, it was for the bravest ninja of the land, of which there were 9 conveniently! So then the tournament arc has to happen to see who'd get the book, with all the bravest american ninja warriors in the land (including Ninja Spy) participating to try and receive their eternal reward! The rules were, if an opponent escaped into space (not thrown by the opponent,) died, or called uncle they'd lose. The place where they'd fight would be the local Moon fields outside the Moon ninja palace. 
=== First Round: Ninja Spy vs. Skipper ===
The tournament arc begins with Ninja Spy vs. Skipper, the leader of the Penguins of Number Island, played by himself. A thing to note is that Skipper wasn't in possession of an N-Word Pass when the film was made because it was made a long time ago. Usually, Skipper is accompanied by three other penguins however since having more than 1 person in a box is not allowed, they chose their leader to battle for the chance to win a instruction book for the use of learning how to make Rico die less often. Skipper's skills in the movie included martial arts such as Roundhouse Kicking, The Force, as well regular penguin magic. Ninja spy, a spy who specializes in gizmos and gadgets, for this battle brought his trusty Bushwacka, Invis Watch, 7 unusuals, and Sapper. For some reason he couldn't find his dead ringer.
The battle between the two started with Skipper quickly sliding under and between Ninja Spy's legs, and leaping at the him with his most genuine Prinny Machete from behind. Ninja Spy, not a fool to die instantly through a random critical or backstab, dodged swiftly and shoryuken'd him. With deductive reasoning that Skipper's swing took 0.8 seconds, it could not have been a bat, which was strange as that bats are faster to swing than fire axes, knives, or bottles.
In furthering his counter attack, Ninja Spy haymakered the penguin, and performed a roundhouse kick to follow it up with his sword, but the combo reversed back onto him, as the swing of the sword was slow and not true. Skipper stabbed through Ninja Spy's torso with the machete missing his lungs narrowly, and causing 65 damage. Skipper would furthering the attack by using the force to catapult Ninja Spy into the moon's surface at 30 miles per hour, landing on his back and the impact caused his back to hurt a lot. I mean gravity on UnEarth normally is 22 mph, so it wasn't that bad but still.
It took a little while for Ninja Spy to get back up from the impact, but resumed fighting with no loss in energy. Too soon was it to call uncle. Skipper would quickly approach him and karate attempt to chophim with his left flipper, only for his flipper to be intercepted by Ninja Spy's sword, the penguin cutting himself on the sharp end of the blade. Ninja Spy followed this attack up with a roundhouse kick sending him flying.
Skipper started setting up a teleporter entrance had appeared behind the Moon rocks behind the cliff, as any spy with spyder senses could detect that just based on the voice line all engineers said. This was some serious ninjaneering on behalf of Skipper, and the machete was the wrench reskin. Where was the exit? It could've been both a trap or... As soon as Ninja Spy thought of what it could've been, coming from the sky was Skipper. His foot collided with his face in such a way that Ninja Spy's nose broke and started bleeding. "Where did it come from...?", Ninja Spy wondered. Using his wits he activated his wrist watch to reduce the bleeding time by half, and just had to dodge until he could uncloak. Skipper, not following up the attack retreated to the teleporter out of fear as it was now fully constructed.
Ninja Spy under the cloak started sprinting towards the entrance, just a few feet from the teleporter and almost completely out of cloak he catched up behind Skipper picking him up whilst invisible and silent, Skipper was thrown by the uncloaking japanese frenchmen onto the teleporter, alongside with an electrosapper, electrocuting Skipper and causing Ninja Spy to win the first round. To celebrate this victory, Ninja Spy performed the Schadenfreude taunt.
=== First Round: Kat and Ana Vs. Konata Izumi ===
In the tournament that happened in the real UnWorld, Konata Izumi never battled Kat and Ana, instead a random Strollin' Stu, but this was added to the movie to make the tournament arc more interesting.
After Ninja Spy had won, the crater left by Ninja Spy's back was filled in so the next match could begin. In the left corner[How can there be a left corner? It makes no sense in 3D space!] is Konata Izumi. She, played by herself in the movie is a highly trained assassin and anime girl, she is trained with kunai knives, ninja stars, and the decoys. In the right corner[OMGWTFBBQ?] is both Kat, and Ana. Both from the UnEarth were a little rusty because they hadn't been used to Moon gravity, but still both were individually among the greatest ninjas on the moon. Kat and Ana specialize with Katanas. The match was "going" to be cancelled because you can't have more than 1 person in a tournament box, but the match would be allowed to happen as Konata Izumi brought another person, none other by the use of Double Team, a copy of herself. The details would be figured out later trust me.
When the battle began, both Konata Izumis pulled out a gun and shot both girls heads off, both simultaneously killing them instantly. They both were dead, and so Konata Izumi won. But this was very unninjaly, and thus the rules were updated to disallow firearms. However this broke the second amendment of the ninja constitution's bill of lefts, and to get around this limitation, guns would be allowed 6 hours after a match had started.
=== First Round: Captain れい Vs. Za Warudo Revolving ===
Due to legal reasons, Dio Brando was portrayed by Jevil in the movie, and subsequently called by the characters Za Warudo Revolving. Just know that Dio in the UnWorld abused Za Warudo to kill everyone. Were these people ninjas? Probably not, but they fought the ninjas on the moon anyways. Captain れい, on the other hand uses pointy swords and is very fast, and learned this speed from Captain 30. This fight caused so much nausea to viewers that it was cut on TV showings of the movie, and generally it's widely regarded as the lowest point in the movie due to the visual clutter and too many jojo references.
So after the blood was cleaned up from that bloody horrible exchange of the previous match, the battle started with Za Warudo Revolving saying "OP!", sending 17 spades hurling towards Captain れい's chest, but with quick and fast speed he drop dropped and rolled under them, and retaliated by pinching back. This caused Za Warudo Revolving immense pain, and so he unleashed his stand『ＤＥＶＩＬＳＫＮＩＦＥ』onto the world, err, moon? Which made it revolving. Around what? We don't know! So as Captain れい had enough TP, he got to use his special attack: power of the rising sun. It caused the sun to rise, not that I wish to imply enough time has passed on the moon for the moon to set and the sun to rise again. This made him 10x faster. He got 10 katana stabs on him, but then...
Za Warudo Revolving then surrounded himself with a heart shield, repelling Captain れい 50 meters away, Captain れい approached him on the moon road being very fast and wanting to stab him more than Mister Stabby. As you could probably guess, Captain れい was gonna kick his ass and got cocky. But as he got close, Za Warudo Revolving threw with his two hands 10 clovers, Captain れい got too close and due to the distance that was closed, all of them connected in one spectacular meatshot, ending Captain れい's life. His pumped up kicks were not fast enough to outsmart bullet. And so, Za Warudo Revolving won.
=== First Round: The Iron Giant Vs. Captain 30 ===
For the fourth first round of the battle are contestants: The Iron Giant and Captain 30. The first contestant, Iron Giant, not part of any gang, is a scary robot that's massive and has massive ninja swords for ninja purposes. The other contestant, Captain 30, was a highly trained assassin with standards. He fought with integrity, and was kinda old, but still a formidable foe! Captain 30 was the sensei of both Ninja Spy and Captain れい, so you must already know he's a professional.
The fight started off with the number captain scaling the titan that was the Iron Giant, climbing up to attack the weakspot. Searching and searching, whilst the Iron Giant tried to scratch him off but couldn't. As ya see, the Iron Giant has no such things as weak spots, and so after seven minutes of Captain 30 just being fast and not being hit whilst on him, Captain 30 jumped off and just started throwing all 9001 of his shurikens to try and kill him to no avail, and the Iron Giant tried to swing his swords at him to no avail. When someone faster than a speeding bullet meets someone more powerful than a locomotive, nobody wins and the battle raged on, all of Captain 30's shurikens ran out, and gun time came into play and the Iron Giant got laser power, but like Captain 30's successor, the speed nullified this.
To defeat the Iron Giant Captain 30 somehow needed puncture through his steel interior with a sword or knife, and if that don't work, use more gun. However bringing a gun to a swordfight and stalling for more time than has already been wasted just to use it is both inpolite, unprofessional, and unintegritous. And so, Captain 30 out of genuine options, ended the fight by calling uncle like a true ninja, leading the Iron Giant go onto the next round.
Whilst the tournament was happening, the Ninja Government had a meeting of who the next shogun would be and Luigi, a distant relative to Mario was put into office. 
===Second Round: Ninja Spy Vs. Konata Izumi===
Rules from the first round have changed, but the things that changed since then. Ninja Spy has unlocked the Cloak and Dagger watch which allowed him to become invisible indefinitely, as well as the gift of witnessing the other battles and seeing the other cool ninja techniques to improve his own.
====Pre-fight Dialogue====
"You probably don't know already this Ninja Spy, I was the one who trained your great grandfather of Spy how to be the spy; give up now or I'll make you call uncle first." threatened Konata Izumi.
"What are you going to do, talk me to death? You fight like a woman!" Ninja Spy wisecra-referenced.
"I'm warning you, because your gonna be pwned and rekt by an anime girl", she replied.
"But you see, Ms. Konata, I am too a ninja, with these epic swords not to be confused with the Sword of Epic. They don't backstab, but are cool as ninja hell." retorted Ninja Spy. "And also, you're not my Giygas." he remarked.
"Too late, Ninja Ninja Shpee Never mess with us Otakus!!!" declared Konata Izumi before the match began.
But before the match's fire lit up, Ninja Spy cloaked (as well as daggered) and said "Gordon Freeman had a once thought of 'You can never prove the absence of ninjas, only their direct presence.', so may godspeedwagon be with me!"
====The fight itself====
And so, the battle began, Konata Izumi awaited for Ninja Spy's cloak to run out, but it was soon apparent he was running with the Cloak and Dagger and standing somewhere in the moon fields. What was Ninja Spy stalling for? Gun time? A time to attack? Being cautious, she flipped the lid up on her life-saving gold-plated pocket watch, the Dead Ringer. Her watch allowed her to feign death, but more importantly allowed her to endure any sudden attack that'd instantly kill someone without dying, to reasonable extent. Anyways, her ninja senses sensed where the invisible man was, and after bumping into him to know exactly where he was she used her power of kick people very hard on Ninja Spy. Ninja Spy, trying to block this attack with his swords left his Clock and Dagger watch exposed, and it was then when the Cloak and Dagger received the full force of the Super Kick, destroying it completely. It was an incredible feat, and feet of how she could see right through him. With his wristwatch broken, the power of invisibility vanished.
"You can't hide forever." snarked Konata Izumi.
"That was the true Dead Ringer, as your Super Kick won't recharge for another 30 minutes, you could say that you murdered my toys as well." Ninja Spy replied.
Konata Izumi warned "You're gonna need a bigger strategy that does not involve a boat in any capacity."
"Precisely, now back to the point", Ninja Spy's last comment before charging with the scientifically proven Naruto run, swords blazin'!
He did the Super Ninja X Move, in where he uses two swords two cut in an X shape, but this didn't work because it was the oldest trick in the Ninja Book, as opposed to the Enclosed Instruction Book, and dodging this attack she pulled out her gun and-wait guns aren't allowed yet, and so she put her gun back in her pocket and decided to stare at a tree. As her gaze sharpened, a rectangular carving formed alongside some hinges and a knob. A door formed within the tree on the moon, and she walked inside. The tree vanished, and then reappeared. It was none other than Konata Izumi herself! And Morshu for a brief instance was seen within the tree!
Ninja spy, startled by this said "Shopping for Lamp Oil, Rope, Bombs? You bought it!? Doesn't that cost a lot of Rubies?"
Konata Izumi, with the only chance to say this, said "Come back when you're MMMM... skilled, Ninja Spy!"
She started swinging around on a rope that connected to the universal cosmic ceiling in a chaotic manner like Spider-Man. The trifecta err, triforca of Morshu's good's have been bought and now were in the play of the battle field, before finishing this thought a bomb was coming Ninja Spy's way from behind, and blew him up causing massive damage. Ow that hurt. And the field got covered in the highly flammable lamp oil by her for the lulz.
"Give up yet?" asked Konata Izumi.
Charred like a cartoon and on the ground, Ninja Spy couldn't give up yet because the battle hadn't even started and thus he replied. "We will never give up!" followed by a question of "Hey, you know a cool property of Lamp Oil?"
"No, what is it?" asked Konata Izumi.
"Lamp Oil floats on water.", Ninja Spy pointed out.
Konata Izumi annoyed, said "Why is that relevant?"
"If it were to rain, what would you suppose might happen?" said Ninja Spy as he covered himself in oil.
"You would..."
Before she finished her thought, Ninja Spy cast Rain-Jutsu, a magical spell that made it rain. As the droplets started to hit the moon's surface, Ninja Spy began his ascent, and the lamp oil on the ground began to rose rapidly. Unlike Kid Icarus, there wasn't no sun to get too close to nearing. The moon out and all, Ninja Spy was like a bird souring through the air. He was like Mario and the Wing Cap. Like a phantom of the night's sky, Ninja Spy swooped down at Konata Izumi with his two swords, narrowly missing her (on purpose) before ascending again and assuming a vulture-like flying pattern.
"No no no! This Can't Be Happening! No no no no!" Konata Izumi swore to some bones as she tried to cover herself in Lamp Oil from a sideways douse, only for it to all rise into the sky and into space faster than her chances of defeating Ninja Spy.
"What's the matter? Molasses got your tongue? Give up now before I murder you." jeered and threatened Ninja Spy, as he dived again, closer to killing her this time.
"You think... you can just... fly..." nervously spoke Konata Izumi as she flipped open her Dead Ringer.
"Just cry uncle, and let me move onto the next round." Ninja Spy slowly said, following up at normal speaking pace with "You and your Dead Ringer cannot withstand the blow of these swords at 10,000 inches per second, not after Gunmettle!"
"No, you're not human" yelled Konata Izumi, holding her ground and pocket watch.
Ninja Spy said forth "Neither are you, Ms. Deadringer! I'll repeat this again: Just cry uncle, and let me move onto the next round." Ninja Spy spoke as he dived down dangerously closer to Konata Izumi this third time around, invoking terror in her and causing her to drop her wrist watch and assume the crouched ball ninja position.
"No, I don't want to die! Uncle!" cried Konata Izumi, forfeiting the match.
"Excellent", said Ninja Spy before gliding to the ground like a tanooki.
Ninja Spy out-terrorized his opponent, becoming a terrorist and winning the round at the same time. His major battle was about to await, but in the meantime...
=== Second Round: Za Warudo Revolving vs. The Iron Giant ===
The next fight, starting right after the last is the one where Za Warudo Revolving battles the Iron Giant. An upgrade to the Iron Giant has made this time, his AI functions have been updated to include a new wireless communications module, which can receive wireless broadcasts from TV networks including the one broadcasting the fight itself, a third eye and a third ear if you will.
And so, the contestants sit down to have a cup of tea, and a cup of oil.
"It's a beautiful day outside." said Za Warudo Revolving.
"What 9000? There's no way that can be right in the night and alright on the night at the same time! You night of nights!" the Iron Giant replied
"Thank you tonight. But... I'm gonna kill you."
And so, if you couldn't already tell, this is the part where he kills him and he dies, spoiler alert. We can't throw away Za Warudo Revolving just like that after showing you who wins earlier. But how, did he die?
====THE EVENTS THAT LEAD TO HIS DEATH!====
Za Warudo Revolving took out from his ender chest a monster energy drink the size of Astolfo's cock except a little bit smaller, and threw it at the Iron Giant's right shoulder, bouncing off 1200 centimeters and hitting the ground.
"Pick up that can." said Za Warudo Revolving
Right as the Iron Giant was about to pick it up and throw it in the trash, he looked around, and saw the vast emptisans i mean emptiness of the final frontier justice. As he was about to loose all hope of being a good little robot, he heard something. He heard from his enemy that the match would be over because of how stupid he is for being a robot with altruistic programming. With the rage of robophobia on his side, he threw the can back at Za Warudo Revolving at 12000 meters per hour. It was pretty pathetic too because if you do the calculations that's just at 3⅓ meters per second. BUT I DIGRESS HE CAUGHT THE CAN! And instead of putting it away, Za Warudo Revolving began drinking it. But the Iron Giant knew that was gonna happen so he poisoned it with Number Captain Poison, but Za Warudo Revolving already knew about it and used his tongue to separate the drink from the poison and not get a drop of dawn in his urinary tract. Shave and a haircut, two bits!
"How art thou not aliven'tst?" the Iron Giant inquired
"I have no idea, err, I hathn't a clue o' brother." replied Za Warudo Revolving
"Anyway, you were drinking the moon and I poisoned your oil, now you're gonna die when i say the magic word." threatened Za Warudo Revolving
"That's not true, robots cann't be poisoned. Say poisson d'avril right now."
"Open sesame Tofu! I mean Omae wa mou shindeiru!"
Nothing the Iron Giant would do mattered because he was already tracer, not big surprise.
"Beat my meat. My soooooooooooooooos" cried the Iron Giant before he took a whizzed streak light arrow to the knee i mean his LIFE and DIED!
Fin.
===Final Round: Ninja Spy vs. Za Warudo Revolving===
Without hesitation, Ninja Spy unleashed his butterfly knives and they came rushing towards Za Warudo Revolving's back! Thinking on his feet like how Gun Mario thinks about Girlfriend's feet, Za Warudo Revolving felt butterflies in his stomache. BECAUSE HE ATE THEM! Za Warudo Revolving striked back like how GYIYG STRIKES BACK!
He used an energy blast against Ninja Spy, and that sent Ninja Spy exactly two-hundred and twentyth a furlong away. He then tried using hamon, only to be met with Za Warudo Revolving's Koopa­back­dash­wave­slide Hover­walk­moon­landing because hamon is scary to vampires. Maybe he didn't eat enough ham that day, because he had a bacon explosion! Anyways parts 1+2 don't matter so then Za Warudo Revolving said "ZA WARUDO!"
9... Za Warudo Revolving put a pipe bomb in Ninja Spy's mailbox.
8... Uhh, he spent his 9 seconds putting that pipe bomb in Ninja Spy's mailbox. 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 and 0...
"Time come back please" cried Za Warudo Revolving as he did the most pointless thing in the UnOmniverse.
Curious, Ninja Spy said "Time, Mr. Za Warudo Revolving? Is it really that time again?"
The announcer, rushed for time then said "We don't have time for that, it's not in our schedule."
Ninja Spy got penalized for this blunder, and had his wrist watch stripped from him by the G-Man.
...
"Well, that was pointless" Za Warudo Revolving remarked.
Out of options, Za Warudo said the magic word. " - I mean ZA WARUDO!"
Time flowed like normal, because time didn't exist. What? Scratch that because all of the sudden the G-Man took the watch he had stolen and set it back 2 minutes realizing he made a mistake.
Curious, Ninja Spy said "Time, Mr. Za Warudo Revolving? Is it really that time again?"
The announcer, rushed for time then said "We don't have time for that, it's not in our schedule."
The G-Man then shot The announcer dead. The announcer is now dead, and thus the competition ended just like how The announcer's life ended. Time on the schedule was successfully saved. Ninja Spy proceeded to make a deal with Za Warudo Revolving. Za Warudo Revolving went along with it, and said made a deal that he'd not have much time to live as he'd put a curse on him. Both were tired of the tournament arc and wanted to move on with their lives, however the war against the dark ninjas still raged on. Ninja Spy was on a mission after all, and all of those who were sacrificed for him to have this book would not be forgotten. That... er... night, a bunch of funerals for those great ninjas who died trying to get their hands on the instruction book instead of fighting the enemy.
== Final Arc ==
And you may ask yourself, how did I get here? what was written in the Enclosed Instruction Book? Simple, It was written in these elder scrolls v skyrim how to tie a tie, only Link can defeat Ganon, "Reading this sentence will make you 10x better at ninjary", and also Luigi was not part of the bloodline and the ninja throne should go to The Stupid One if Mario ever died.
This news shooketh the moonsidian ninjas, but the final fight is way more important. For this decided which kingdom would rule space forever.
Master Yoshihigage Segata Sanshiro warned against Ninja Spy going up against DIO Za Warudo Revolving, however he was not successful as the freak persisted on killing the vampire man dead. Thus the master's only copy of the Art of War had to be photocopied on the spot by the Master Printer. Inside this book was all a soldier needed to know how to fight, as mary sueing your way to skill is not enough in this universe to become the ultimate ninja warrior. After reading the first page and understanding you must know your enemy, Ninja Spy knew this well, and thus sought to stalk the Ninja Teletubby.
Seconds turned into minutes, minutes to hours, hours to days, days to weeks, weeks to months. For 2 months Ninja Spy was collecting data like a malignant search engine or social media company. Ninja Spy would send an fax to Ninja Teletubby to go "g& pwn instly & DIE so bad ul wsh u wnt 2 hgwrts insted". Ninjaelogists today are still trying to understand what he meant.
==Final Showdown==
On the Moon's Mount Fuji, under the cherry tree, stood Ninja Spy. He was like "I've been waiting for this" because he was waiting for his worst enemy to show up. The october sky loomed heavily upon him; the entire universe laid upon his shoulders and it was his duty to save it from the influences of evil. Lost in thought and in pure imagination, he forgot that Ninja Teletubby had already thrown a Tubby Torpedo into his chest triggering his deadringer watch.
He snapped out of his trance and threw 1000 tiny ninja stars! The Ninja Teletubby took every single one, because they were so small and didn't do anything. He threw a bat grenade and Ninja Spy dodged it like Sans against a genocider, and shrugged it off. He returned the favor with a bat grenade of his own, to the same FAIL. He studied the movies Ninja Teletubby watched, and may have been in his house a few times for a thing Ninjas call "Netflix and chill"
Ninja Spy then shot a ricocheting bullet, a bullet that ricochets, towards the final point that would be his lungs. But what he did not anticipate was that Ninja Teletubby would do the same thing with his own $1,900 Strange Collector's Botkiller Professional Killstreak Vintage Australium Ambassador. For the Ninja Teletubby despite not having the Enclosed Instruction Book read the art of war, and has also been stalking Ninja Spy. At this point they both realized they had no chance at truly defeating the other and resulted to playing exploding mini-golf. The bullets eventually hit both of them and they collapsed on the floor with punctured lungs. With moments to live they both got up onto a golf cart to the nearest exploding mini-golf course.
At the golf course there were those health pickups, so both got restored to full-health. The golf course was expansive with 8 worlds and 13 holes. (whatever a hole is) Ninja Teletubby putted his ball first, 12 meters to go while Ninja Spy had 6. Somehow Ninja Teletubby went further away. But it doesn't matter as Ninja Spy was only 6 meters away from victory! So with his eyelander in hand he...!
At this moment the Spanish inquisition came by and Ninja Spy sliced the Spaniards in half with his nine iron. But then after that he putted like a Cornish game hen the ball. He had 12 holes remaining and just needed to win a few more. After faux climactic backs and forths, trades between wins, was the final hole. This hole was designed by a german architect who died on the moon 7 centuries prior. It was magnificently mined and crafted. Screw the details what really matters is that none of them won and they resorted to fighting again.
The fight raged on for a century day but at the end of it all they had both been blinded by light, since the sun was always in their eyes. That didn't matter since Ninja Spy managed to chop off his head and win the Ninja Wars. Peace was paved and kingdom was saved. The man was honored and given a celebration on the spot.
When Ninja Spy returned home, he noticed the thing on the mailbox was up. This must have been an important letter from the new ruler The Stupid One. However, when he opened it, he died instantly because there was a pipe bomb in his mailbox and it exploded. This is where the film ends but in the epilogue after the credits it shows Za Warudo Revolving walking up to his house, presumably to get back the Enclosed Instruction Book as well as a promise for Ninja on the Moon (1983) 2.
==Acclaim==
This movie was critically acclaimed for being written like a book instead of shot like a film. Many around the world question how this could be, however the director has not commented on this. Audiences did not care a single bit for the implied romances, however Rotten Tomatoes reviewer Jimbo Wales called everyone bigoted and privileged for not enjoying such a subversive film. Indeed it had many twists and turns, but nobody expected the Spanish inquisition.
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