Batman vs. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles/Transcript

[The movie begins]
Barbara Gordon: Thanks again for the tour. This is gonna mean a guaranteed A+ on my paper.
Scientist A: Of course, Ms. Gordon, we're always happy to show off our prototype.
Barbara: Oh, I can imagine. If the generator is as powerful and runs as clean as reported, it'll change the...
Scientist B: Huh? Hey!
Scientist C: What's going on?
Barbara: Get down!
Barbara: And then they were gone. It all happened so fast.
Barbara/Batgirl: And I didn't have time to, you know, "Batgirl up". Those things, they were like lizard men or something. They took the generator. Into the wrong hands, it could blow up a city block. We have to stop them, Batman.
Batman: Whatever they are, they're going to regret stepping foot in Gotham.
[Roll opening credits]
Bruce Wayne/Batman: They're ninja.
Alfred Pennyworth: Master Bruce?
Batman: Here, Alfred. I've gone over the security footage of all the previous laboratory attacks. Their fighting style is consistent with ancient forms of ninjutsu.
Alfred: The League of Assassins perhaps?
Batman: No. Batgirl's report was that this is someone new. There are meta-humans involved as well. Some kind of monstrous creatures.
Alfred: Monsters? Certainly Gotham needs more of those.
TV news reporter: Powers Industrial is the recent victim in a string of break-ins involving research and development laboratories. By all accounts, the police department has no leads on who's behind these attacks or where they'll strike next.
Michelangelo: But we do, don't we, Donnie?
Donatello: That's right. Wayne Enterprises.
Leonardo: Come on, we don't wanna be seen.
Alfred: By the way, we received a call from Commissioner Gordon. He's identified Wayne Enterprises as a likely target for another break in. It'll be assigned ten patrol cars for extra security.
Batman: Call them back and respectfully decline.
Alfred: Shall I tell them, "No, thank you. Mr. Wayne would prefer to let these monstrous ninjas attack, so that he might punch them whilst wearing a bat costume?"
Batman: You'll figure something out. [smirks]
Penguin: Wayne Enterprises. This is our big score, gentlemen. There's a new player in Gotham, and our mystery guest is stealing all the experimental tech this city has to offer. A genius that I am, I figure we hit the Wayne Lab first and sell the tech to our new friend, whoever they are. Let's get moving, but keep an eye out for the bat.
Thug Minion A: Ugh?! [vanishes]
Penguin: [caws]
Thug Minion B: Huh! [vanishes]
Penguin: It's him! He's here!
Speaker voice: "Wayne Enterprises cloud seeder testing commencing."
Batman: The boss gave them the night off. Me? I always work late. Now, who is ready to talk?
Penguin: Where is he? Where is he? Show yourself! It's the bat. Fire! Fire!
Raphael: Do I look like a friggin' bat to you?
Penguin: Huh? Huh?
Thug Minion C: What are they?
Michelangelo: We're aliens, brah. Freaky aliens.
Penguin: I don't care what they are. Kill 'em!
Donatello: We're not aliens though. We're turtles.
Leonardo: Not the time, Donnie.
Donatello: It's always the time for accuracy, Leo.
Raphael: All right.
Michelangelo: Dude, you're out of dudes.
Penguin: Do I have to kill everything myself?
Leonardo: Find cover! Out of the way, lackey!
Michelangelo: He's got a gun umbrella? A "gun-brella"? How cool is that?
Leonardo: Mikey, let's disarm and then compliment him?
Michelangelo: Oh.
Leonardo: You lose. Where's Shredder?
Penguin: Shredder? What's a shredder? You face the Penguin.
Michelangelo: It's a "sword-brella" too? How cool is that? I think I love this little guy.
Penguin: Well, as I have no wish to be skewered by an ugly green monstrosity, you leave me no choice. [Jumps off the edge of the building and flies off with his helix-umbrella]
Penguin: So long, cretins.
Michelangelo: Gotham is bonkers, yo!
Batman: Now what does a ninja clan want with an experimental cloud seeder? Where are your meta-humans?
Ninja Foot A: Meta? You mean, the Turtles?
Batman: Turtles?
[A thrown shuriken kills the ninja. Batman faces off his killer, the Shredder.]
Shredder: You picked the wrong battle, warrior.
Batman: Who are you, and why are you in Gotham?
[The extensive battle that begins overwhelms both combatants but Batman ends up badly injured]
Shredder: Stay out of my way. Next time, I will not be so merciful. [vanishes]
Michelangelo: That was the coolest thing I've seen in years. I feel like you guys are not making the most of this road trip. Like, if we had to chase Shredder from New York all the way to Gotham city, we should at least enjoy it, right?
Donatello: I don't know, Gotham and New York are pretty much the same.
Michelangelo: Donnie, are you kidding? Does New York have mad blimps flying around for no reason? I mean, like, what are they for? I love 'em.
Raphael: This was a total waste of time.
Leonardo: Come on, you heard the weirdo. They were going to rob Wayne Enterprises.
Raphael: [sighs] Penguin clearly isn't the Foot's new partner which means, Shredder probably already hit Wayne R&D and got the gizmo just like the generator he stole at Power's Lab, Leo.
Leonardo: Let's just get these guys to the streets, so the police can find them.
[Raphael smirks and kick off the tied-up thugs out of the rooftop, which land in a dumpster]
Leonardo: Are you crazy? You could've killed them.
Raphael: They're fine.
Leonardo: Did you know there was a dumpster there?
Raphael: I might have. Yeah.
Donatello: If it helps, the dumpster being there or not being there really doesn't give no guarantee they'd survive...
Leonardo & Raphael: Doesn't help.
Michelangelo: [fangirl scream]
Leonardo: What is it? It had better be...
[Panoramic scene of the Batmobile]
Leonardo: [amazed] Good.
Donatello: It's beautiful.
Raphael: What'd you think something like that costs?
Michelangelo: My soul probably since I'd pay that.
[Two Batarangs hits the wall near the Turtles]
Michelangelo: Whoa!
[Batman glides down to where the Turtles are]
Michelangelo: Whoa!
[Batman stares at the Turtles in an intimidating way.]
Michelangelo: Um, wild guess here. This might be his car.
Raphael: The Penguin mentioned a bat. Think this is the guy working with Shredder?
Leonardo: Could be. Wait for my signal to...
Raphael: Nah, I got this. Hold still.
[Batman wrestles down Raphael]
Leonardo: Take him down, we need answers.
Batman: You're welcome to try.
Leonardo: What the...
Donatello: Huh?
Michelangelo: Nunchaku to the face! I said to the face! Ow, toe!
Pizzeria Patron A: I think we should see other people.
Pizzeria Patron B: But I don't like other people. [whining]
Michelangelo: Everybody run! There's a crazy guy in a bat suit who's trying to kill us.
Pizzeria Patron B: It's a talking toad! No!
Michelangelo: I know right?
Pizzeria Patron C: Yes!
Michelangelo: Spooky stuff.
Pizzeria Patron C: Go, go!
Michelangelo: Oh, crud.
Donatello: Nice of you to join us.
Michelangelo: I was protecting the citizens, man. The citizens!
Raphael: It's gonna take more than a jerk in a Halloween costume to shock me!
Batman: Okay. Taser level seven.
Michelangelo: Think fast.
[Batman wrestles Michelangelo]
Michelangelo: He thought too fast.
Leonardo: Whoever you are, you better back the hell away from my brothers.
Donatello: That's it. I'm calling this. It's ninja vanish time! [vanishes]
Batman: Ninja... Turtles?
Baxter Stockman: Ah, Master Shredder. I trust you procured the cloud seeder from Wayne Enterprises? Obviously without it, I can't finish the machine.
[Shredder chokes Stockman with his right hand.]
Shredder: We do not yet have the device. You shall not speak of it further.
Stockman: Got it. [cough]
[Shredder releases Stockman]
Stockman: Uh, just a heads up. Although you might not want to talk about it with me, your loyal henchmen/hostage; I'm not 100% certain on my status here. You will have to explain this set back to our partner.
Shredder: I will deal with him when he arrives.
Ra's al Ghul: Then, by all means, deal with me.
Shredder: Ra's al Ghul. We finally meet face to face.
Ra's al Ghul: Shredder. It seems things have gone poorly while I've been en route. I do hope you and your little Foot Clan can live up to your reputation.
Shredder: I have kept up my side of the bargain. You had better be prepared to honor yours.
Ra's al Ghul: Your side? You can't be serious. I promised you the secrets of the Lazarus Pits. The source of my immortality. All you had to do was build a machine. And you haven't even managed that.
Shredder: The machine is nearly complete.
Stockman: Hi. Baxter Stockman. I am building it.
[Awkward silence.]
Stockman: Okay, that's fine.
Shredder: The machine would be finished already, if it was not for the Batman.
Ra's al Ghul: Don't you worry about the detective. I know how to manage him.
Shredder: If you could do that, he would be dead already. Remember, your plan would be nothing without me and my supply of the Ooze.
Ra's al Ghul: I just hope you can deliver all you've promised.
Shredder: If it's a demonstration you want...
[A foot soldier puts down a case as Stockman pulled out a canister of ooze.]
Shredder: Would one of your men like to volunteer?
League Assassin A: For the glory of the Head of the Demon.
[The fly injects the mutagen into the assassin who started to mutate]
Shredder: Don't worry, he'll live. Probably.
Ra's al Ghul: We are legion. I have many more, just like him. Once we obtain the cloud seed of Gotham's own citizens, we'll tear this city to the ground. And the world will follow.
Donatello: They call him... the Batman?
Raphael. Oh, Batman. Yeah, no, I'm glad that a half an hour research pulled up the name I could've guessed in two seconds.
Donatello: I've read rumors about a supernatural bat creature in Gotham, but I assumed it was an urban legend or that he was a mutant like us.
Leonardo: That guy was definitely human, and I think his supernatural powers were just his gadgets.
Michelangelo: Uh, we already know what he is. He's awesome! Unless he's a bad guy. That'd make him like... Hmm. Forty percent less awesome.
Donatello: No one knows his motives, but it does appear that he only attacks criminals especially this clown guy.
Raphael: So he wears a Dracula costume and punches clowns, who cares? The dirtbag stole my sai!
Donatello: Dracula costume? What kind of Dracula movies are you watching?
Raphael: Look, all I'm saying is ever since Shredder stole the Ooze from TCRI and came to Gotham, we know he's been working with a new partner, right? It's gotta be this bat creep.
Leonardo: I'm not so sure. The way he fought, avoiding lethal blows, he wanted to figure us out. Like a detective.
Michelangelo: Okay, bros. I broke it down. "Awesome": Little bat throwing things, cool car, sweet bat hat. "Not awesome": Kicked our butts, maybe evil, mean voice.
Leonardo: Either way, after Wayne Enterprises, we have no idea where the Foot will be next. The Batman is our only lead.
Donatello: Agreed, whether friend or foe, he was at the scene of the crime. And if you give me a minute, I think I've got an idea.
Batgirl: Heard on the scanner that the police took in some of Penguin's men. Say that they were jumped by four crazy frogs. I assume those were my lizard guys.
Batman: They're turtles. And the DNA on this weapon suggests they were mutated by an outside agent.
Batgirl: The technology the ninjas have already stolen could be used to refine a mutagen like that. But why?
Batman: The cloud seeder is the last piece of the puzzle. Which is why I had to move it to a secure location outside of Gotham.
Batgirl: I really wish you brought me in on this. I mean, I saw the monsters first, it's my case.
Batman: There were too many unknowns. You could've gotten hurt. But in the meantime, I'll need to start working on a way to counteract the mutagen. I could use your help.
Batgirl: Thanks. Although if those creatures left Penguin's men tied up for the police. Maybe I was wrong about them.
Batman: Maybe.
Raphael: Look, I love being an amphibian as much as the next guy.
Donatello: Amphibious, we're still reptiles.
Raphael: Yeah, thanks for that, but you sure this cave leads anywhere?
Donatello: Glad you asked, I am sure actually. I made a database of every reported Batman sighting and ran it through an algorithm that triangulated against the city's police records and natural cave formations.
Leonardo: Donnie, nobody cares. Where are you taking us?
Donatello: The answer should be right through... Ta-dah! The Batman cave. Huh?
Leonardo: This is pretty cool.
Michelangelo: Pretty cool? This is amazing. I don't know what to put my grubby paws on first.
Donatello: I'm gonna see if I can access that big computer. For clues. And also because it's beautiful.
Leonardo: I don't see any sign that Shredder or the Foot Clan had been here.
Raphael: Yeah, and I just see the signs of a dude with way too much time and way too much money on his hands.
Donatello: Most of these files are encrypted too heavily but it looks to me that Batman has been tracking the laboratory break-ins. Like he's been looking for the Foot's next move. Same as us.
Michelangelo: Hey, guys, check it out. I'm Batman and I'm riding the T-Rex. I've never been so happy in my entire life.
Leonardo: Mikey, get down.
Michelangelo: No, man. I live up here now.
Robin: You should listen to him.
Michelangelo: Aw.
Robin: Take that mask off. Now.
Michelangelo: Help! A tiny dude's like totally trying to kill me.
Robin: I said, take it off!
Donatello: What are you, five?
Robin: How did you get in here?
[Robin begins to attack.]
Donatello: Hey.
Leonardo: Hey, little guy. We didn't come here to fight. Jeez!
Raphael: That's it, grab him.
Robin: Let go.
Michelangelo: You let go, dude. Hey!
Raphael: Listen, shrimp, you don't wanna do this.
Robin: Oh, yes. I do.
Raphael: What is it with this kid?
Donatello: Ow!
Michelangelo: Sneak attack!
[Mikey lunged onto Robin, pinning him.]
Robin: Interlopers. I'll have your heads for this. Let me up.
Michelangelo: [from inside the shell] I can't hear you, bro. Answer my shell.
Leonardo: Let's just try and reason with him before... That.
Batman: Get off Robin. Now! How did you get into this cave?
Donatello: Oh, well, there weren't many security measures in the Northern tunnel, we had to swim for a bit, but... I'm realizing you don't actually want constructive criticism right now.
Batman: What I want are answers.
Leonardo: Look, we're not here to fight. My name is Leonardo. These are my brothers, Raphael, Donatello and Michelangelo.
Batgirl: Seriously?
Donatello: Our father was really into Renaissance painters.
Michelangelo: And he's a rat.
Leonardo. We're not your enemy. We came to Gotham to stop Shredder and the Foot Clan. Honestly, we thought you might be Shredder's new partner.
Batman: Shredder, so that's his name. I had heard of a Foot Clan, but I thought they'd went extinct ages ago.
Raphael: They're ninja, you know. Sneaky?
Robin: So are we not going to beat up these green losers?
Batman: It's not looking like it, no.
Robin: [sighs] I may as well tell you that I know who Shredder and the Foot are working with. Ra's al Ghul.
Security Guard A: Hey, you can't be in here. Stop. I said stop...
Security Guard B: Huh? Whew.
Security Guard C: Wha...
Shredder: This is a distraction, we should be securing the cloud seeder.
Ra's al Ghul: After your failure, I have put another agent on that task. The next phase of my plan is here.
Mister Freeze: Whatever you two are scheming. I'd appreciate being left out of it.
Bane: Not me, I'm in. Ra's al Ghul means Batman and I'm just dying for a rematch.
Shredder: You try my patience, Ra's al Ghul. The Foot has no need of these... Freaks.
Ra's al Ghul: Your constant questioning of the plan tries my patience. So we're even.
Poison Ivy: Hush, my sweet. Don't let the mean old men bother you.
Harley Quinn: Yoo-hoo. Hey, over here. It'll just take a second, it's very important.
Shredder: Speak.
Harley Quinn: You gotta come closer. Hmm, uh-huh, that's it. Just wanted to make sure that my makeup wasn't smudging. Thanks, metal head.
Shredder: I hate Gotham.
Ra's al Ghul: Then you're in luck because the man who will help us destroy this city is right behind this door.
Pizza Delivery Girl: That should be everything. Can you handle all that? It's a lot of pizza. 
[Alfred holds several pizza boxes.]
Alfred: Young lady, I assure you. There's no amount of greasy cheese bread that could surpass my abilities.
Pizza Delivery Girl: You're the boss, weird butler. [takes the payment and leaves]
Alfred: I offer to cook a gourmet meal, but they want pizza. [frowns] Teenagers.
Michelangelo: Cowabunga!
Alfred: Oh, no.
[Mikey crashes into Alfred, sending pizza flying]
Michelangelo: Ooh, pizza. Mmm.
Batman: Impressive form. Your father taught you well.
Leonardo: Thanks.
Raphael: So, this League of Assassins seems just like your standard evil ninja deal.
Robin: Ha, hardly, despite their name. The League would be better understood as a death cult. Worshiping Ra's al Ghul. The Demon's head.
Raphael: Okay, fine. Creepy evil ninjas then.
Robin: He wants to use the League to tear down cities like Gotham and rebuild them in his image.
Batgirl: Yeah, Ra's obviously has plans for the mutagen your Shredder brought into the city.
Donatello: Ooze, we call it Ooze.
Batgirl: Really? Ugh, I do not like that word. "Ooze", blech, gross.
Raphael: Right, Shredder gives ghoulie the Ooze, they build some kind of gizmo and in return, let me get this straight, Shredder gets a pit?
Robin: The Lazarus Pit. It's how Ra's al Ghul has survived for centuries. It's magic grants immortality to any who bathe in it.
Raphael: An immortal Shredder? That would suck.
Donatello: As much as the words immortal Shredder freak me out. I think Batgirl and I have solved one of our problems.
Batgirl: Yep, with the info Donnie... I can call you that, right?
Donatello: By all means.
Batgirl: Cool. That Donnie had on his T-phone I've whipped up a retro mutagen.
Donatello: "Anti-Ooze".
Batgirl: Not gonna call it that. That will reverse the effects of the... "stuff".
Raphael: You're gonna wanna get that anti-Ooze away from this happily mutated turtle.
Donatello: Don't worry, it'll only work on someone who's been mutated in the last 12 hours. After that, the DNA changes are baked in.
Batgirl: Yeah, although maybe worry a little, because it's untested, right now there's a... I'm gonna say 40% chance of lethal side effects. [smirks doubtful]
Robin: [stares sternly] I agree with the turtle, go stand over there.
Leonardo: Yes!
Batman: Where were those moves when we fought before? If you'd focused like that, you'd have had a chance.
Leonardo: A chance? I won just now.
Batman: I'm still recovering from whatever Shredder did to me. I've never seen an attack like that.
Leonardo: It must've been the Sato Oshi strike. It's a powerful ninja technique that dates back hundreds of years. Said to be created by the founders of the Foot Clan. It focuses all the body's energy into a single blow and can prove as fatal to its wielder as it is to the opponent. Because of that, it's been lost to history. Only two living ninja masters know how to utilize it's full power. My father Splinter and The Shredder.
Batman: Good to know. Shredder may have ancient ninja moves, but I've still got a utility belt.
[Alfred steps in, holding Mikey by the mask as if he's holding him by the ear.]
Alfred: And furthermore, I am keeping the skateboard until you learn not to use it in the house.
Michelangelo: Dude, no.
Alfred: Calling me, "dude" is not helping your case, young master Michelangelo.
Michelangelo: Come on, old Master Alfred.
Alfred: Oh, that's not how that works.
Michelangelo: Look what I got
Alfred: Ahem, would the young masters care for some napkins?
Michelangelo & Raphael: What for?
Alfred: [sigh]
Batman: Batgirl, Robin. Shredder and Ra's will be looking for something to replace the cloud seeder. Any leads on where they might find that?
Batgirl: Not right this second, no.
Batman: Then that's what you should be working on.
Robin: Yes, sir.
Michelangelo: Come on, dude, you can't fight crime without first partaking in a cheesy slice.
Batman: This isn't the time for pizza.
Michelangelo: I totally don't understand that sentence.
Batman: The Bat Signal, Robin, Batgirl, let's move.
Batgirl: What about them?
Leonardo: What do you mean, what about us? We're coming with you.
Robin: Please, no.
Batman: I don't know Shredder and I don't know the Foot. Leonardo and his brothers are important assets. But you'll have to follow orders. This is still my city.
Leonardo: Deal.
Michelangelo: We're definitely gonna want a road pizza.
Joker: Ra's al Ghul. I've been waiting for so long, I thought you've forgotten about our, "little deal".
Ra's al Ghul: I never forget. I trust you have what I want.
Joker: But I've got it right here. [he coughs out a note] Hmm. An old family recipe passed down to me by my dear mummy Joker. Who hasn't killed by the way.
Shredder: This man is an idiot.
Ra's al Ghul: The Joker has his purpose. And he has something we need.
Joker: You've got what you wanted, now pay up.
Ra's al Ghul: Shredder, pay the clown.
Commissioner Gordon: Ninjas. As if we didn't have enough problems in this city.
Batman: Commissioner Gordon. What have you got for me?
Gordon: It's Arkham. Alarms went off an hour ago, but when... What are those?
Michelangelo: Teenagers.
Donatello: Mutants.
Raphael: Ninjas.
Leonardo: Turtles.
Gordon: Just think about your retirement. Some place where the turtles don't talk and clowns are funny.
Batman: It's okay, Jim, they're friends.
Gordon: ...
Batman: Arkham.
Gordon: Right. When my people tried to move in, they were attacked by ninjas. Like the ones that have been knocking over laboratories.
Leonardo: Shredder.
Gordon: We've got the perimeter locked down, but we have to assume there are hostages inside. Guards, doctors, nurses. I need you to...
[He notices that they are gone.]
Gordon: Sure, leave before I finish. That never gets old.
Michelangelo: I'm still here.
Gordon: Agh!
[He sees Mikey behind him]
Leonardo: The Foot have been robbing high tech laboratories all week, it doesn't make sense for Shredder to take over for an asylum all of a sudden.
Batman: It doesn't matter. Arkham and its inmates are too dangerous to take any chances.
Michelangelo: Here we go! Last one there pays for pizza.
Robin: It's not a race.
Batgirl: Not with that attitude, it isn't.
Robin: Ha! I never said I didn't wanna win.
Joker: Attention, inmates of Arkham. Joker here and I'm pleased to announce you have a new warden. Me. I've got a brand-new medication regimen for you. Oh, nurse. Mmm. Ahem. Nurse Harley Quinn?
Harley Quinn: (upset) Hmm.
Joker: Oh, fine. Doctor Harley Quinn.
Harley Quinn: You damn straight. Eight years of college, and three-year residency and he says nurse.
[She injects the ooze into the pipes. The sprinklers came on, watering the ooze all over the villains.]
Robin: I win.
Batman: No sign of the Foot or the league. Stay sharp.
[They head into the building. They heard a thud Harley had appeared, revealing that she transformed into a hyena.]
Hyena Harley Quinn: Well, would ya look at that? The bats have made some new best friends. So you're gonna introduce me to your new turtle pals or what?
Batman: Harley, what have they done to you?
Donatello: The Ooze. They must have injected themselves.
Harley Quinn: Uh-uh, there'll be plenty of time to talk once you find Mr. J and our guests. He's got a whole thing planned. I don't wanna ruin it. You know how he gets.
Batman: Wait. Presumably, Shredder and Ra's have mutated all the inmates at Arkham.
Batgirl: Was this their plan? Mutate the villains and unleash them on the city?
Batman: I have a feeling this is just one part of the puzzle. Split up, investigate each wing. Remember, this whole asylum is essentially a maze. There are hostages to rescue and on top of that, even before they were mutated, these inmates were the deadliest criminals in all of Gotham.
Donatello: I was kind of expecting a pep talk.
Robin: That was the pep talk.
Batgirl: Go, team.
Michelangelo: So far, so good. No creepy manimals in here.
Robin: Says the creepy manimal.
Michelangelo: Hey. I'm a super kill-manimal.
[They hear a growl, looking over they see Mr. Freeze coming out of the freezer, now a polar bear.]
Polar Bear Mister Freeze: This is as far you go. For you shall not escape Mr. Freeze.
Michelangelo: A polar bear with an ice gun. That is so cool.
Mister Freeze: I'll show you "cool", child.
Michelangelo: And he's got the lines down and everything. Dude's on point.
Batgirl: This, ugh, Ooze. Does it affect your mind?
Donatello: Oh, no, not that I've encountered. It might change your mannerisms, but you're still you.
Jaguar Bane: I disagree.
[A massive orange arm grabbed and threw them over. Batgirl looked and saw that Bane turned into a jaguar mutant.]
Batgirl: Bane?
Bane: I feel like a new man.
Leonardo: What is it?
Batman: Someone's here.
[Scarecrow, now a raven, flies in front of them.]
Scarecrow: Hello, Batman. I was afraid you wouldn't show up. Though not as afraid as you're going to be.
Batman: Dr. Jonathan Crane. Calls himself Scarecrow.
Leonardo: Really?
Batman: Watch out, he has a fear gas that can make you see things that aren't real.
Leonardo: Huh? What? Get out of here before Scarecrow... Mikey, Ralph, Donnie. No. No!
Scarecrow: That's right. Everyone is gone. And it's all your fault.
Raphael: Ow!
Raphael: Hey, creature. Leave that kid alone. Hmm?
Raphael: Mikey. I'm gonna need some help up here.
Michelangelo: I'm a little busy right now.
Raphael: That won't... hang on, what are those? Bad idea, bad idea.
Michelangelo: Hey, Freeze. If you can't stand the heat...
Raphael: Please, don't.
Robin: Stop.
Michelangelo: Get out of the kitchen. Boom! I got lines, too. On second thought, let's just run.
Bane: Did they not tell you about me, little turtle?
Donatello: Hmm?
Bane: I'm the man who broke the bat!
Batgirl: Nice work.
Donatello: Thanks, although I can't really take credit for the shell. That's more, you know, evolution.
Batgirl: Sure.
Scarecrow: Your brothers are gone. You are too weak to save them.
Leonardo: You killed them!
Batman: Leonardo, listen to my voice. I don't know what you're seeing, but it's not real.
Leonardo: You'll pay for what you did.
Batman: Your anger won't help your brothers.
Scarecrow: All your fault.
Batman: You have to focus. Fight it.
Scarecrow: All your fault.
Batman: The antidote to Crane's gas. It should wear off quickly. Let's move.
Michelangelo: I don't think bear-breath saw us run in here.
[The lights came on, revealing Ivy as a Venus fly trap.]
Poison Ivy: Hello, boys. All these years, I've never realized what my true potential was.
Raphael: This is bad, huh?
Robin: Worse. It's Poison Ivy.
Poison Ivy: Although, all this personal growth can make a plant... hungry.
Michelangelo: Wait. For real? She can't reach?
Poison Ivy: No.
Michelangelo: Ha!
Poison Ivy: No! I... Hold on.
Raphael: So, walk around her?
Poison Ivy: I'll eat you. Get back here.
Michelangelo: So long, plant babe.
Poison Ivy: No!
[Leo and Batman reach the room where they found Two-Face as a mutant cat.]
Guard Hostage: Help us.
Two-Face [Right]: Glad you could join us, Bats.
Two-Face [Left]: You're just in time for the coin toss.
Batman: Two Face. Wait.
Joker: Better listen to the bat, turtle boy. Take it from me. One reptile to another.
[Joker reveals himself as a cobra.]
Batman: Joker. Where's Ra's al Ghul and Shredder?
Joker: That's it? Where's Ra's? Where's Shredder? Why not, Joker, darling, I love what you've done with yourself. Honesty, Bats. I'm hurt.
Harley Quinn: Aw, don't pout, pudding. I love your scales.
Joker: I go through all this trouble, and it's like he doesn't even see me.
Harley Quinn: You work so hard, you're my workingest Joker.
[Raph, Robin, and Mikey arrive]
Michelangelo: Hey. We made it. Ew, that's weird and gross.
Raphael: It's the hostages.
Batman: Wait for my signal.
Raphael: Nuts to that. It's rescuing time.
Leonardo: Raph!
Guard Hostage: Help us.
Batman: Stop. Joker always has a trap.
Guard Hostage: Help us. Help us.
[The electricity sparks Raph and Leo]
Joker: Whoops, did you think those were hostages? Guess the joke's on you.
Two-Face [Right]: You had your chance.
Two-Face [Left]: My turn.
Mister Freeze: Batman! Just the flying rodent I wanted to kill.
Michelangelo: Oh, right, that guy.
Robin: Rematch?
Michelangelo: Rematch. He's winning again. Ow!
Harley Quinn: Just stay down, Batsie.
Joker: See, Bats, isn't this a fun change of pace? Me, you, this city, its villains, oh, we were in such a rut. But this Ooze, ooh, is really shaking things up. I made a deal with old knifey-hat and demon head. They gave me some of their wonderful Ooze to play with, and in return, I gave them the formula for my Joker Venom. Turns out when you combine the Ooze with my little tincture, you get something new. Something that not only transforms you, but drives you mad. Of course, it's a difficult concoction to make in large doses. Why, I only have enough for one.
[He injects the mutagen into Batman. He groans in pain and starts to mutate into something horrible. Raph and Leo regained consciousness.]
Leonardo: What's going on?
[Donnie and Batgirl arrive]
Batgirl: Uh-oh.
[Batman breaks free, now mutated into a vampire bat.]
Michelangelo: A bat Batman?
Two Face: ¡Ah!
Harley Quinn: Wasn't Two Face on our side?
Joker: Who cares? It's not about side, it's about selling the joke.
Mister Freeze: Impossible.
Robin: Batman? Father. Are you there?
[Leo pulls Robin away from Batman]
Leonardo: I don't think Batman is home right now.
Joker: Oh, there's a bat monster after my own snake heart.
Donatello: Batgirl, the anti-Ooze.
Batgirl: Retro mutagen, and it's right here, but it's untested. It could kill him.
Leonardo: If he escapes and too much time passes, this change will be permanent, right?
Batgirl & Donatello: Right.
Leonardo: Then we don't have a choice.
Michelangelo: I'm sorry I wore your hat!
Leonardo: Hold still.
[Batman stops him and threw Leo off of him]
Harley Quinn: I'll take that. Don't want you ruining our fun.
Raphael: We'll help Leo. You get the anti-Ooze.
Batgirl: Got it.
Harley Quinn: Look, who it is, the Boy Blunder. Looks like you're...
Joker: Let's see what kind of venom I've got in these new fangs, shall we?
Michelangelo: Like, calm down, dude.
Raphael: We just gotta keep him here. And, you know, keep him from killing us.
Harley Quinn: Ahh!
Robin: Batgirl.
Harley Quinn: Huh?
Batgirl: Donnie, catch.
Donatello: Mikey.
Michelangelo: Batman, if this kills you, please don't become a bat ghost and haunt me. Cowabunga!
[He injects the anti-ooze into Batman's chest. They crashed into Harley and Joker. Batman screeches and slowly begins to mutate.]
Michelangelo: Did it, work?
[Donnie checks his pulse]
Donatello: I think he's gonna be okay.
Robin: You saved him. Thank you.
[Michelangelo hugs him tightly]
Robin: Please stop.
Joker: Uh... Hello, Batgirl. Love your boots.
[Batgirl stomps him, causing his teeth to fall]
Batgirl: Smile.
Donatello: Batgirl and I found the surviving hostages in a room downstairs. They're fine, mostly.
Leonardo: And now that we know the anti-Ooze works, we can give it to the Gotham police to get these inmates back to normal. But if Shredder and the Foot aren't even here.
Raphael: Then this whole damn thing was just a giant distraction.
Penguin: I have to say Mr. Al Ghul. I'm glad you asked me to obtain this device for you. It took considerable skill and coin to steal it. Ah, but that's why you came to the best.
Ra's al Ghul: My new-found associate left me little choice.
Penguin: A genuine, one-of-a-kind Wayne Enterprises cloud seeder
Stockman: This is it. Finally.
Ra's al Ghul: You've done well, Penguin. Shredder, remind me that you're still good for something, and take care of the Penguin.
Penguin: What about my finder's fee? Quite a lot of money was discussed.
Shredder: There is no money.
Penguin: What? It's a trick. Kill him.
Shredder: Your men are all dead. Would you like to be next?
Penguin: Uh... Fine. Take it. I'll consider this a resume building experience.
Stockman: Uh, don't feel too bad. I've been with the Foot for years, and I've never been paid. Which I guess is a mark in the hostage column.
Batgirl: The Wayne Enterprises container ship that was moving the cloud seeder to Bludhaven was hijacked last night. The thieves then smuggled the cloud seeder back into Gotham port.
Raphael: While we were dealing with those freaks in Arkham.
Donatello: With the machinery that the Foot has stolen, I think they're building something that will mix the Ooze with Joker's formula and launch the Jokerized Ooze into the clouds above the city.
Leonardo: And when it rains down, it'll turn everyone in Gotham into a monster mutant like Batman.
Michelangelo: Dudes. I'm freaking out here. Did everyone else know that Batman is Bruce Wayne?
Raphael: [facepalms strongly]
Donatello: I mean, you knew the Batcave was under Wayne Manor.
Michelangelo: Just saying, it's a lot to take in. Rich and cool? It's like leave something for the rest of us, guy. Going, I'm going, okay?
Leonardo: Do we have any idea where Shredder and Ra's are building this machine?
Batgirl: I don't know exactly how Joker makes his venom, but I do know where the components would be. Ace Chemicals. It's where the Joker was created when he fell into a vat of, you know, chemicals. So if they need venom, they'll be there.
Leonardo: But it's walled off, easy to defend.
Raphael: So what? If they're dug in and ready for a fight, then we bring 'em a freakin' fight.
Batman: We aren't doing anything.
Alfred: Master Bruce, you are not well.
Batman: I'm as well as I need to be. Batgirl and Robin are coming with me to Ace. The turtles are going home.
Michelangelo: What? Come on. We know your secret identity now. Our team up has been cemented.
Batman: I gave you a chance, but your four are impulsive, and you don't follow orders. I want you out of Gotham.
Robin: Uh, Father, look it pains me to say this, but the turtles saved you and Arkham. They are valiant allies.Even the dumb one, Michelangelo.
Michelangelo: Hey, not cool.
Batman: If it wasn't for them, Joker would've never gotten close enough to inject me in the first place. This is not up for discussion.
Leonardo: (to the Turtles) Maybe he's right. Following Batman's lead took us to Arkham and distracted us from Shredder. We'd be better off on our own.
Raphael: No, no, he ain't right. (to Batman) Look, Batman, I get it, the whole brooding loner thing. Sitting up on rooftops mumbling about how you're the only one who could stand up to evil in your own city, that's my whole deal. I love that stuff, and I totally agree that my brothers are annoying. Unbearably so, sometimes.
Leonardo: Um... Where are you going with this?
Raphael: That's why, when things get tough, I don't even bother with them. I go off on my own and do things my way.
Donatello: He does do that.
Michelangelo: Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm.
Raphael: Yeah, but here's the thing. Every single time, I just get into more trouble, and my brothers have to bail me out.
Michelangelo: It's true. Every time.
Raphael: Sure, we make mistakes, sure, we make the wrong moves, but we can't get better, if you don't trust us. We're a family, and learning from your mistakes together is how a family works.
Batman: This isn't a family. It's a team.
Raphael: Ain't that the same thing?
[Batman looks over at Robin, Batgirl, and Alfred. They all stare at him. They're not just a team, they're a family. Finally, Batman understands.]
Batman: You're right. Let's stop Ra's and Shredder. Together.
Michelangelo: Awesome, dibs on the bat mobile.
Leonardo: Uh, we have our own ride.
Batgirl: You do?
Donatello: Yeah, we didn't walk here form New York.
Michelangelo: Don't care, called the Batmobile.
Michelangelo: So many buttons, could I please just...
Batman: Don't press anything.
Robin: So you ride around in this thing on purpose?
[Leonardo activates the Turle Van's nitro mode]
Robin: Okay, that's cool.
Michelangelo: Rocket!
Michelangelo: Thing!
Leonardo: Huh? Donnie.
Donatello: Bossa nova.
Leonardo: Ralph, Batgirl. You're up.
Raphael: We got mutants.
Donatello: Nice little wolf. Hah. Quick, the anti-Ooze.
Batgirl: Retro mutagen.
Donatello: Hey, we're still out here.
Leonardo: I know, I know.
Batgirl: Hey, Trunks, don't forget to duck. I told him to duck.
Leonardo: Aw, come on.
Batman: Michelangelo, press some buttons.
Michelangelo: I'm a hit all of them.
Robin: I've always wanted to hit every button.
Batman: Nice job.
Raphael: That was pretty cool, kid.
Stockman: Gentlemen, ninjas, all-around murderers, I'm pleased to announce the Venom/Ooze hybrid is complete. The cloud seeder is ready to launch.
Shredder: Then it is done, Ra's. The Foot has completed its obligation to you. I will expect no more delays in giving me the Lazarus Pit.
Ra's al Ghul: Over eager as always. Activate the machine. It's time for this city to revert to its primal nature and destroy itself.
Shredder: Do what the man says.
Stockman: Yes, sir.
Ra's al Ghul: Ahh. And now, nothing can stand in my way.
Shredder: So much for your distraction.
Donatello: That's it. We have to shut it off before it launches.
Ra's al Ghul: You're too late, Detective. Gotham will fall and be born anew.
Batman: We don't have much time. Let's take him down. Shut off the cloud seeder. Shredder is mine.
Shredder: I think you forgot how our last encounter played out.
Ra's al Ghul: Typical. Batman sends children to do his work for him. Perhaps another must die to teach him the folly of his ways.
Robin: You! Fly man!
Stockman: Huh?
Robin: Prepare to defend yourself with whatever formidable abilities you may possess.
Stockman: I surrender! I don't even work for the Foot. I'm basically a hostage. Don't hit me. [barf out and faints]
Robin: You are a terrible disappointment.
Donatello: Huh?
Leonardo: Donnie! No!
Donatello: Oh!
Michelangelo: Dude, machine's launching.
Donatello: I can see that, Mikey.
Michelangelo: Don't worry. I got this. Um... I might actually need some guidance here.
Batman: [flashback] "Your anger won't help your brothers. You have to focus."
Leonardo: How?
Ra's al Ghul: Foolish child. I'm hundreds of years old and have trained with the greatest teachers in history. How could you possibly...
[Leonardo kicks his groin]
Leonardo: Oh, yeah? Well, I'm 16, and I learned this from a rat.
Shredder: No tricks, no gadgets. I promised you would die if you stood in my way. You are no match for me. Now I will take control of the League of Assassins, harness the power of the Lazarus Pits, and the Foot Clan will rule for a thousand years. Any last words?
Batman: Cowabunga.
Shredder: What? Cowabunga?
Raphael: Move! In your dumb face, Shred-head.
Donatello: We have to shut it down.
Michelangelo: I don't know, man. There's no off switch.
Donatello: There must be. See if you can find the manual override or...
Michelangelo: Ahh!
Donatello: I think you somehow turned it on even more.
Michelangelo: Well, sorry, this isn't my thing. You do machines, I'm the party dude!
Donatello: Huh? Mikey, whatever you did, keep doing it. Perfect. You overheated the generator...
Michelangelo: It'll explode.
Donatello: Exactly.
Michelangelo: Wait. We're riding it. Do we want it to explode?
[The generator explodes, sending them falling. Mikey hid in his shell and so did Donnie.]
Michelangelo: Ah, cool. I knew there had to be a reason for all these blimps.
Batman: Let's end this.
Shredder: It... It doesn't matter. Destroying Gotham was only Ra's al Ghul's objective. The Foot and the League are mine. There's nothing any of you can do to stop me.
Batman: We have to get everyone out, now!
Batgirl: Little help? My guy's really heavy.
Batgirl: We did it. The scan showed no trace of the Jokerized Ooze in the air.
Raphael: No way Shredder could've survived that.
Leonardo: Well, we've certainly counted him out before. Only to be surprised.
Alfred: I still can't believe Master Bruce actually said, "Cowabunga".
Michelangelo: Come on, that was genius. We needed a code word that Batman would never normally say.
Batman: You did well out there. Your father will be very proud.
Leonardo: Thank you. Although, I'm sure he'll have some harsh words about us being gone from the city this long.
Donatello: That's our fearless leader's unsubtle way of saying it's time to go, but let's keep in touch. [opens his T-Phone]
Batgirl: [pulls out her cell phone] Sure, my handle online is "Oracle."
[Donnie sends request.]
Batgirl: Oh, I see you. "Bostaffsarecool." Really?
Donatello: [laughs proudly] They are.
Raphael: You're a tough little guy. I respect that. [extends his left fist]
Robin: [bump fists] It was an honor to fight with you and your more frivolous brothers.
Raphael: You are also weird. [he pets Robin and messes his hairdo] But I kind of like that, too. [Robin smirks picturesquely]
Michelangelo: Alfred, I'm very sorry about before. So to make it up to you. [he kneels down] Please accept my skateboard.
Alfred: It's just what I've always wanted. [smirks awkwardly]
Michelangelo: [hugs him tightly] Promise me, you'll only use it to perform the sickest of tricks.
Leonardo: All right, guys, let's go home.
Batman: Wait, you can't leave now. 
[He moves aside to reveal he's ordered pizzas.]
Batman: It's pizza time.
Michelangelo: Huh? Happy lunch over here.
Batgirl: One for Batgirl.
Robin: Huh? Mmm.
[Roll end credits]
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