Recruit

Recruit is the first episode of the first season of Urchin City. It was written by and released on July 17, 2022.
==Transcript==
(The intro and opening credits play, which fade to black as a title card reading, “Recruit” appears, which fades to black again. Cut to a long shot of the Krusty Krab.)
Mr. Krabs: SPONGEBOY ME BOB! Front and center!
(Cut to the door leading to the kitchen, which SpongeBob opens as he zooms out of the kitchen and runs to Mr. Krabs.)
Mr. Krabs: You too, Mr. Squidward!
(Cut to Squidward’s boat, with Squidward in it, reading a “Clarinets Weekly” magazine. He sluggishly gets up from his boat and walks over to Mr. Krabs.)
Mr. Krabs: I have some great news for you two!
SpongeBob: Oooh! Please tell!
Squidward: (Sarcastic) Yes, please do, my excitement is overflowing.
Mr. Krabs: I know how hard you boys have been working all week, so I’ve decided to let ye…
(Cut to a close-up shot of SpongeBob’s face, who is overwhelmed with joy, and Squidward’s face, which is neutral. Mr. Krabs then pulls out paint buckets, paint brushes, and a ladder behind his back.)
Mr. Krabs: …give the Krusty Krab a fresh coat of paint!
(Cut back to the close-up shot of the duo’s faces. SpongeBob’s overwhelmingly joyful expression fades and becomes neutral.)
SpongeBob: Oh.
Squidward: Like it was gonna be anything good.
Mr. Krabs: Now, now, it won’t be all bad! You’ll be soaking up the sun in the great outdoors for a bit! Getting fresh air!
Squidward: Yeah, right next to the place where we do anything but.
SpongeBob: Wait…there isn’t any air in Bikini Bott-
(Mr. Krabs hands the two paint buckets, paint brushes, and the ladder before he pushes the two out the door.)
Mr. Krabs: You two get to work now! I’ll be in me office arranging me pennies.
(Mr. Krabs walks back into the Krusty Krab, leaving SpongeBob and Squidward unoccupied.)
SpongeBob: Well, here goes nothing.
Squidward: Except 11 minutes of my time.
(Cut to a title card that reads, “Brief Painting Montage”.)
French Narrator: What follows is a brief painting montage.
(Cut back to the Krusty Krab, which SpongeBob starts painting. He paints around the base of the Krusty Krab before dipping himself in the paint and climbing onto the walls of the Krusty Krab, painting them. Finally, he climbs the ladder up to the roof, which he paints as well. The Krusty Krab is then shown from a long shot, gleaming with its new coat of paint. Cut back to the title card before.)
French Narrator: We hope you enjoyed this brief painting montage.
SpongeBob: Done!
(Cut to Squidward, who is half asleep. He quickly wakes up.)
Squidward: Huh?
(He looks up at the Krusty Krab, still gleaming.)
Squidward: D-d-done? That felt like 10 seconds!
SpongeBob: Never underestimate the power of a brief montage, Squidward.
(SpongeBob sniffs the air.)
SpongeBob: Squidward, do you smell something burning?
Squidward: (Sniffs) Actually, yeah.
(Cut to SpongeBob and Squidward. They turn to the entrance of the Krusty Krab and their eyes grow wide. Cut to the front of the Krusty Krab, which is revealed to be on fire.)
SpongeBob: OH NO! I left the grill on!
(Cut to the front entrance doors, which everyone in the Krusty Krab runs out to where SpongeBob and Squidward are. Cut to the crowd watching the entire building burn down and all talking and panicking inaudibly. A fire truck, ambulance, and police car arrive at the Krusty Krab. Firemen come out of the fire truck with a large hose, which they use to put out the fire. Meanwhile, some paramedics come out of the ambulance and enter the building, while the rest of them enter the crowd. The remaining firemen and paramedics get to the front of the crowd and block off the front view of the scene with megaphones in their hands, while police come out of the police car and put up yellow police tape around the Krusty Krab before joining the remaining firemen and paramedics.)
Fireman #1: ATTENTION EVERYONE!
Incidental 118: Thank you. We have been trying our best to defuse the situation so far, so stay calm everyone, and have no worries.
(Incidental 25 comes up to SpongeBob and pats him on the back.)
Incidental 25: It’s gonna be alright, son, don’t worry.
SpongeBob: Wait, where’s Mr. Krabs? W-w-was he still in there?
Incidental 25: He could’ve been. I’m sure he’ll be alright in the end.
(Cut to the front entrance doors. Incidentals 25 and 26 rush out the doors holding ends of a stretcher, with a burnt and worn down Mr. Krabs laying down on it.)
SpongeBob: MR. KRABS!
(SpongeBob runs over to Mr. Krabs, but is blocked by Incidental 118.)
Incidental 118: Whoa, there! You can’t pass the tape, kid.
SpongeBob: (Sadly) I just have to say goodbye to my boss…
Incidental 118: Well, alright. Just make it quick.
(SpongeBob runs over to Mr. Krabs, who is now in the back of the ambulance.)
SpongeBob: MR. KRABS! I’M SO SORRY! I should’ve known to not leave the grill on when exiting the building, it’s what you taught me on my first day and I shunned it!
Mr. Krabs: (Weakly and in pain) Eugh…it’s alright, me boy…(he and SpongeBob hold hands) I’m just glad yer safe…
(The back ambulance doors slam in front of SpongeBob’s face as the paramedics enter the ambulance and drive off, the siren of the ambulance wailing in the background. The police car and fire truck drive off as well, their sirens also wailing. The screen cuts to a time card reading, “Meanwhile”, which the French Narrator narrates.) The screen then cuts to a long shot of a tall office building with a sign on the top that reads, “UCPA”. Cut to the interior of the building, to the front desk, where multiple receptionist fish wearing tuxedos are behind the counter working on computers. Cut to an elevator, which opens, as a group of fish wearing dark purple uniforms step out and approach the front desk.)
Fish #1: How’s the search going, people? Any possible recruits?
Receptionist #1: We’ve found someone, sir.
Fish #1: Great! Who?
Receptionist #1: His name is SpongeBob SquarePants. Based on the information we’ve gathered, he has more potential than any of the ones we considered.
Fish #1: SpongeBob SquarePants…tell me more.
Receptionist #1: Well, to start, he can’t take damage, in fact, it tickles him.
Fish #1: Go on…
Receptionist #1: He has detachable limbs he can regrow at any time, and he is a master of karate. But more importantly, he is always ready.
Fish #1: He’s…perfect.
Receptionist #1: You think?
Fish #1: Yes, absolutely. Where is Mr. SquarePants located?
Receptionist #1: 124 Conch Street, in the town of Bikini Bottom.
Fish #1: I see. We shall propose an invitation letter at once. I do hope he accepts. As you were, people.
(The group of fish walk back into the elevator, heading downwards. Cut to a time card reading, “Weeks Later…”, and then to SpongeBob’s pineapple house. A mail truck pulls up in front of SpongeBob’s house, and delivers the mail.)
SpongeBob: Gary, I just can’t. I can’t go back there.
(Cut to SpongeBob’s bedroom. SpongeBob is lying on his bed in despair talking with Gary.)
Gary: Meow!
SpongeBob: I know, he’s my best friend, but I just don’t want to ever go back to the Krusty Krab. Every time I’m in there I see smoke and embers from the fire…it’s all too much. And no offense, but now that Squidward’s manning the grill, I’m not sure if the Krabby Patties will be as good as they once were.
Gary: Meow?
SpongeBob: Well yeah, I could explain it to him, but I don’t think Patrick would be the one to really understand a situation like that.
Gary: Meow!
SpongeBob: Hmmm…you know what, you’re right, Gary. I should at least try.
(SpongeBob gets up from his bed and walks out of his house to confront Patrick, only to be distracted by the mailbox, which has its flag up.)
SpongeBob: Hey, the mail’s here!
(He runs over and opens the mailbox. He pulls out the letter from the UCPA.)
SpongeBob: Ooh, it’s for me.
(He opens the envelope and reads the letter.)
SpongeBob (reading): The Underwater Crime Patrol Agency, UCPA, have been searching for recruits. It has come to our attention that you have the right stats for the job of defusing crime in the Pacific Ocean. If you accept this invitation, you may visit the UCPA at 69 Nautilus Road, Bass Vegas. We will be seeing you then.
SpongeBob: Oh. My. GOSH!
(He runs over to Patrick’s rock to tell him about the letter.)
SpongeBob: PATRICK! Guess what!
Patrick: You’re ready to go to the Krusty Krab?
SpongeBob: Yeah, but look what I got in the mail!
(He hands Patrick the letter. Patrick goes over the letter and hands it back to SpongeBob.)
SpongeBob: So? What do you think, Pat?
Patrick: I can’t read curly writing.
SpongeBob: You mean cursive?
Patrick: Uhhh, yeah…what does it say?
SpongeBob: The Underwater Crime Patrol Agency in Bass Vegas sent me an invitation to become a member! A crime fighter! Just like Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy!
Patrick: You’re gonna be a superhero?
SpongeBob: Kind of. Actually, I’m not sure if I should join. I’m kind of nervous.
Patrick: Why?
SpongeBob: I don’t know, I’ve just never been involved in anything like this before.
Patrick: I think you’d be good at being a superhero, SpongeBob. We’ve seen Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy countless times!
SpongeBob: It isn’t exactly like that, Pat. Hey, that sorta rhymed.
Patrick: What’s it like then?
SpongeBob: You know the Bikini Bottom police officers and the SWAT Team?
Patrick: Yeah.
SpongeBob: It’ll be like that.
Patrick: Really, I think you’d be able to be either a superhero or a police officer. Maybe even both! And you’d still be great at it.
SpongeBob: Thanks, Pat. I appreciate it.
Patrick: Yeah, I think you should do it!
SpongeBob: I’m still not too sure, though. I don’t know if I’d really be that good at it or not. I’m not very tough.
Patrick: Of course you are! You’re a sponge, and sponges…uhh…they can absorb things!
SpongeBob: What would I be able to absorb as a member of the UCPA?
(Squidward pokes his head out through his window in his house.)
Squidward: Unfortunately, bullets.
SpongeBob: That would be helpful. Thanks, Squidward!
Squidward: Anytime.
(Squidward goes back into his house.)
Squidward: Really is a shame.
(Squidward depressingly goes back to painting a muscular self-portrait of himself. Cut back to SpongeBob and Patrick.)
SpongeBob: You know what? I’ll do it.
(SpongeBob holds his fist up high.)
SpongeBob: For everyone in the Pacific Ocean!
Patrick: Yeah!
(A time card appears that reads, “Later…” and fades to black. Cut to a long shot of SpongeBob standing in front of the UCPA headquarters. He slowly walks inside and approaches the front desk.)
Receptionist #1: Oh, hello. You must be Mr. SquarePants, correct?
SpongeBob: Yes, sir.
Receptionist #1: Splendid.
(The receptionist takes out a walkie-talkie and calls Fish #1 from earlier.)
Receptionist #1: Agent Gray, sir, do you read?
Agent Gray: Why yes, I do.
Receptionist #1: He’s here.
Agent Gray: Excellent. We shall give him a tour.
Receptionist #1: Alright then.
(The receptionist puts his walkie-talkie away. The group of fish from earlier come out of the elevator and approach SpongeBob.)
Agent Gray: Welcome, Mr. Squarepants.
SpongeBob: Oh, hello.
(Agent Gray hands SpongeBob a piece of paper clipped to a clipboard.)
Agent Gray: Could you please fill out some information before we continue?
SpongeBob: Of course.
(SpongeBob fills out the information on the paper. He hands it back to Agent Gray.)
Agent Gray: Alright, come with us.
SpongeBob: Yes, siree.
(SpongeBob and the group of fish walk back into the elevator. Agent Gray makes the elevator go down 1 floor. The doors open and the camera shows an underground base with vehicles, armory, and more.)
SpongeBob: Whoa!
Agent Gray: Welcome to the UCPA, Agent SquarePants.
(The episode fades to black and the ending credits play, ending the episode.)
Category:Episodes
Category:2022
Category:2022 Episodes
Category:Transcripts
Category:2022 Transcripts
Category:Episode transcripts
Category:AsaInChainz
Category:2020s