The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie IV: The Cloonbob Saga/Plot

The following is the plot of SpongeBob SquarePants IV. WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD.
== Plot ==
The film begins with the french narrator singing "It's Been a While". After a gunshot is heard, we cut to Waluigi's house in the lower east side of Detroit. Waluigi opens his door to find to find two jehovahs witnesses soliciting outside of his humble abode. He quickly rushes to his bedside drawer and pulls out a rusty tennis racquet. He stares at it intently, stroking it with utmost satisfaction. 
"It's........... time," Waluigi says. A voice is heard in the background, and a loud screech follows. The camera then pans outside of Waluigi's door. George Clooney in a raggedy SpongeBob suit is seen staring down Waluigi. Cloonbob mutters, "I'm ready." Waluigi smirks, and lunges at him with the tennis racquet. The jehovahs witnesses jump on top of Cloonbob and form the missing piece of Voltron. Waluigi gasps, and stops in his tracks. He remembers now. He remembers how it was in olden times.
3 YEARS PRIOR.....
A bubble transition introduces us to SpongeBob's alarm clock, stuck to Gary's shell. Gary has an extremely sadistic look on his face. SpongeBob wakes up and finds a letter from his old friend Debbie the Seahorse. A Rob Schneider-esque screech is heard outside of the pineapple. SpongeBob shakes it off as Squidward fondling his clarinet. He reaches into his wallet, only to find a Visa card with the title "Bat Credit Card" on it. SpongeBob shudders as he remembers a dark time in Schumacher City, with homoerotic statues and nipples on every architectural structure. SpongeBob promptly faints; following this, Patrick divebombs into SpongeBob's house, holding a basket of tomatoes that are inexplicably rotten.
"This is my time. You decided our fate years ago, Robert. The world has collapsed at your feet. The brooding darkness.......nobody wants this. Not me. Not Schumacher. Not even Kilmer. I'm sorry, SpongeBob. When I go to hell, I shall remember you for all of eternity." Patrick lazily drops the tomatoes on SpongeBob, followed by a cheesy 80s fart sound effect. Patrick then takes out a poster of his hero, Val Kilmer, and it beckons him back to the good old days, an era of whoppers and cheese fries. 
"All hail the Kilmbot," Patrick says, lustfully. Suddenly, a gargantuan-nosed cephelopod enters the room and points a gun at Patrick's brain coral.
"Kill him now, and you will have to answer to me." the octopus says. He turns his head to the audience, and we see that it is actually a time-travelling Squog, with a bazooka launcher grafted to his inner thigh.
"But....the legends........they cannot be true!" Patrick worriedly exclaims.
"SQUOG FWEE FWEE," Squog says, as he proceeds to gun down Patrick. Suddenly, a time rift appears over Patrick's USSR rock. A dim-litted figure appears from inside the time rift. The figure is wearing armor reminiscent of Batman and Robin with an extra amount of emphasis on the nips. The figure then leaps towards Squog. 
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3 YEARS LATER.....
Waluigi studies the newfound Voltron piece that lies on his porch. He picks up a phone and frantically speed-dials his brother.
"Wario, it's me, Waluigi. It has happened. The goob is scoob-" Before Waluigi can finish the conversation, Cloonbob throws a deformed Krabby Patty detonator toward Waluigi. Waluigi tries to escape the radius, but ultimately suffers at the hands of Cloonbob. Waluigi, burnt and crawling toward his house, is seen trying to escape Cloonbob's viscous gaze. Cloonbob is seen walking slowly behind Waluigi. As he approaches, he removes a blood-spattered spatula from his back pocket. He raises it in the air, as if to cut down Waluigi. 
The loud roar of a motorcycle is heard in the background. Before Cloonbob can finish off Waluigi, he is interrupted, and turns his head towards the sound.
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3 YEARS PRIOR......
George Clooney leaps towards Squog and snaps his neck. He then pauses and turns to SpongeBob. "I can't have you sea creatures ruining my one last claim to fame." SpongeBob, nervous and backing away, puts his hands up, as if to surrender to Clooney. Clooney, staring intently at SpongeBob, sounds off a soliloquy. He says, "The squid almost ruined my master plan. I'm going to make a musical based off this wonderful aquatic world. But you won't be a part of it. I'm here to redeem Schumacher's original and groundbreaking plan. I'm going to reunite the cast of Batman and Robin and make a live musical about your show. IN COSTUME. Kinda like that Grease Live thing, you know...... did you watch that one? Eh, doesn't matter." 
The camera pans on Patrick's corpse. Another figure's boot is seen in the background, with a red, Bat-like symbol on it, and a silver R. Clooney's voice is heard in the background. 
"There's my partner! Time to get this show started......" 
Chris O'Donnell says, "About time they gave me another shot." Clooney tells O'Donnell to take Patrick's body to the factory. As O'Donnell carries Patrick away, shrieks from SpongeBob can be heard in the background. Clooney laughs as he puts his plan into action. "I'm about to live in a pineapple.....under the bright lights OF HOLLYWOOD!"
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***SpongeBob and Patrick will now be played by George Clooney and Chris O'Donnell. The original SpongeBob and Patrick are preserved like those celebrity heads from Futurama. You know the ones. This has to be PG-13, don't push it.***
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FIVE HOURS LATER.......
"Yeah, I'm sorry to say this, but this isn't financially viable at all for our Theater Ventures division....."
Behind a desk is a bearded man, with a name tag labeled "Zack Snyder, Visionary Director". He clears his throat and begins to speak again.
"I mean, the last project you and Schumacher worked on together was panned by critics and audiences. Need I say more?" he explains. Cloonbob stares at him intently.
"Need I remind you that your last project was panned as well, Mr. Snyder?" he remarks. 
Zack Snyder's pupils dilate as he begins to hyperventilate. He opens a drawer labeled "Stress Relievers", pulls out an unconscious General Zod, and mercilessly snaps his neck. Afterwards, he calls security and tells them to escort Cloonbob and Pat O'Donnell out of the building. 
"So the executives aren't on board......No matter, I already made a Kickstarter." 
Cloonbob takes out his phone shows Pat O'Donnell the Kickstarter, and the camera zooms in on it; it's shown that the Kickstarter has only made fifteen dollars. Cloonbob then takes back his phone and calls in a favor. A time card, saying "Two Hours Later..." appears on screen, with Cloonbob doing a poor impression of the French Narrator. Afterwards, we see a black limousine stop in front of Cloonbob. The door opens, and Steven Soderbergh walks out with a pained expression on his face; the entire main cast of Batman and Robin can be seen inside the limo, tied up with rope. 
"Ah, that's more like it....I can always count on you, Soderbergh." Cloonbob says. 
Soderbergh remains silent as tears begin to stream down his face. Cloonbob turns his attention to the cast and begins to speak. 
"Listen, me and O'Donnell are currently producing a play based on this undersea city, and I would appreciate it if all of you would play some kind of part in it..." 
Muffled screams and nondescript squirting sounds can be heard within the limo. 
"I assume that means you all accept my offer. Good." In a strange ritual, he places DVDs of Batman Forever and Batman and Robin on the ground, and begins to rub his nipples. Suddenly, the ground begins to tremble. A massive hole forms in the street, and what seems to be Joel Schumacher's mortal form climbs out. He looks at Cloonbob and nods, and then turns his attention towards the cast members. His eyes narrow as he begins to recite an odd equation. 
"Loneliness plus alienation plus fear plus despair plus self-worth divided by mockery divided by condemnation divided by misunderstanding times guilt times shame times failure times judgment n equals y, where y equals hope and n equals folly, love equals lies, life equals death, self equals Schumacher." 
Following this, the entire cast, including Cloonbob and Pat O'Donnell, proclaim that Schumacher is their will. Satisfied, Schumacher begins to speak. 
"All of you will go and make that musical happen, no matter what stands in your way. This is our moment to shine; this is our reign. We'll show all of those hacks what true art is with this....this soon-to-be masterpiece. Now go on. Break a leg." 
Schumacher then reaches into his pocket; he pulls out a pistol, and without hesitation, shoots Steven Soderbergh in the head, killing him. Afterwards, Schumacher descends into the hole, and the hole promptly disappears. 
Cloonbob takes out his car keys and pushes a button on them, summoning the Clooney-Mobile. He and the cast enter the car. Another time card appears, and we see him park in front of a large building and direct the rest of the cast in. 
As the door opens, the camera pans inside, revealing a rusted, worn-down establishment. Numerous cartoon characters, alive and dead, are hung from hooks, whom have their skins ripped off and placed on a conveyor belt. Completely apathetic to the shocking, graphic environment, the cast follows Cloonbob and Pat O'Donnell. 
They move along the conveyor belt, with numerous prisoners of his surrounding it; they all seem to be critically acclaimed movie directors and critics themselves. The prisoners quickly and mindlessly fabricate suits out of the skins on the conveyor belt; once the suits are fully assembled, they are carried along the belt until they make it to a bin, in which they are dropped into and contained in. 
Cloonbob and Pat O'Donnell walk over to the bin, and search through the large pile of costumes. Finally, towards the bottom, they find costumes of Squidward, Mr. Krabs, Sandy, Plankton, and King Neptune, and toss them to their colleagues. They pounce on the suits and get dressed. The camera pans over to Cloonbob, as a wide grin begins to spread across his face. He pulls out what appears to be copies of a script and hands them to the others. 
"Gentlemen, we're ready." Cloonbob triumphantly states as he leads them back to the Clooney-Mobile. 
As the sound of it's engine starting is heard, a bubble transition introduces us to a theater, with the label "ATLANTIS ADVENTURES - STARRING GEORGE CLOONEY 'CLOONBOB'" on the marquee. As we cut to the auditorium of the theater, we see that all of the seats have been taken up by numerous professional movie critics. Suddenly, the lights surrounding the auditorium dim, and the stage lights turn on. As the audience grows quiet, Cloonbob walks out from backstage, and flashes his armored nipples at everyone. 
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Before we go on with the show, I find it of the utmost importance to warn you that what you're about to see.....is a masterpiece unlike anything you've seen before. True art like this is scarce in today's world of processed garbage like Citizen Kane and Interstellar......so sit back and enjoy the work of a true artist. Thank you." 
Out of pity, the critics clap as Cloonbob walks backstage. Instantaneously, a pair of burly men, wearing Batsuits similar to that of Batman and Robin, rush behind the curtains, holding poorly-made cardboard cutouts of a pineapple, an Easter Island head, and a rock. They exit the auditorium, and the curtains are raised, as we see Cloonbob standing in front of the pineapple cutout. Due to the length of the musical, a montage of selected scenes from the first act is played; first, Cloonbob knocks on Patrick's cardboard rock, though he applies too much force, and accidentally knocks it down, revealing Pat O'Donnell pleasuring himself with an onion behind it. The camera pans over to the audience, with their faces contorted in disgust, and for some, abstract pleasure. In the next scene, as Cloonbob sings a song about "Stolen Maggie Daddies", a stage light falls down and hits Squid Glover on the head, seemingly killing him. The suited-up men return to clean up the mess, and one of them holds Squid Glover in their arms. The other rips the suit off of Glover, and takes the role of Squidward for the rest of the play. Afterwards, we cut to the gang meeting Arnold Schwarzeneptune, who does nothing but make out-of-place ice puns. Following this, the film cuts to black. 
As the sound of the world engine is heard, we fade into the Clooncave, where we see Cloonbob, Pat O'Donnell, and the rest of the cast celebrating the musical's premiere. Cloonbob hands everybody glasses of wine and a large, nipple-shaped cake, as they speak to each other. Momentarily, Cloonbob asks for everybody's attention. 
"Ladies and gentlemen.....we've done it. This is what success feels like. We've taken the greatest, purest form of art ever written by a human being, and brought it to life. I'm sure, wherever Joel Schumacher is right now....he would be proud of us. And I think we should be proud of ourselves here, too. We just put every other live performance to shame. TO SCHUMACHER!" 
"TO SCHUMACHER!" 
The cast clinks their glasses together, spilling red wine onto the nipple cake, as the Clooney Computer in the background lights up. After a fizzle of static, a montage of critical opinions to Atlantis Adventures begins. 
"Atlantis Adventurers is media without purpose, film without full comprehension. At times, it feels like a haphazard "greatist hits" compilation of pop culture icons and inside jokes that don't quite penetrate the average viewer's brains. In a word, it's worthless." 
"Chat, fuck you for making me watch this. This is why I should've given up streaming." 
"This musical misunderstands the concept of 'humor' and 'plot' rather fantastically, to the point where I almost wonder if an AI generated the script. It's nonsense, not aided in the slightest by it's lackluster performances and lack of proper production values." 
"Waluigi HATES this!" 
"Clooney's most recent experiment misses the mark in every conceivable way. The performing arts require a certain amount of dedication, of which this team lacks noticeably." 
Cloonbob drops his wine glass in a mixture of seething anger and heartbreak, the raggedy facade of SpongeBob being stained with sweat drops of not only nervousness, but unparalleled fury. Pat O'Donnell turns his head slighty, scratching the fabric of his brain coral as his conciousness turns its attention to the mocking words of the amorphous, critical blobs manifesting on the computer screen. 
"...I see now that it was never going to be this easy," Cloonbob mutters. "They want dedication? Well, it's dedication they'll GET." 
Cloonbob shuffles over to the Clooney Computer and hastily mashes several buttons on the console, opening a secret compartment of the Clooncave. Cloonbob walks in, out of the camera's focus, and promptly returns to the room, with multiple assault weapons in hand. 
"O'Donnell. Come with me. The rest of you, your services are hearby terminated. Good day." 
With a silent nod, Cloonbob and Pat O'Donnell exit the the Clooncave. Following their departure, the nipple cake explodes into a cloud of fire and smoke, incinerating the rest of the cast, and thus, the evidence of their presence entirely., as the screen fades to black. 
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A retro-style CRT TV appears out of the darkness. As static is displayed on it, what seems to be audio of a news program begins to play. 
"In the times of yesteryear, George Clooney assaulted all major cartoon characters, methodically harvesting their skins for his ultimate disguise. One by one, television and film changed, as Clooney made his moves. But now, his eyes were on other characters......."
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We cut to the exterior of an apartment in the slightly more nice part of New Jersey. The shot fades to an apartment interior, panning past several posters of notable films, among them being "Schindler's List", "12 Angry Men", "Star Wars Episode IV: A New Home", "Goodfellas" and "Paddington 2". The shot finally settles on a raggedy couch, with a singular, middle-aged man residing on it. He types onto his laptop, and we get a glimpse of the screen, showing a scathing review of Atlantis Adventures. He promptly closes the screen in satisfaction, as a loud crash is heard in the background. Alarmed, the man steps towards his apartment door and opens it. 
He steps into the shrouded darkness of the hallway, with sweat slowly trickling down his neck. As he surveys the environment, he notices something that sends chills up his spine. 
Tomatoes. Dozens of them. Squashed and smeared all over the floors, the walls, the ceiling...the sight of it defacing the very thing he stands for. The man bolts back into his apartment, locking the door. This, it seems, is futile, as a loud knocking begins. 
They already know. 
"Oh, dear boy, come on out," a voice calls, putting on a lackluster SpongeBob impression. "I only want to give you some POINTERS. COME ON. OPEN THE DOOR." 
"You son of a bitch, Clooney!" 
"Oh, I'M a son of a bitch now. Huh, interesting, considering you seem to lack proper respect for media. Constantly downplaying the vision of Schumacher. Tell me, what fate to you feel you deserve? Death, well, it feels a bit too merciful for your type..." 
A spatula breaks down the door, revealing Cloonbob and his associate Pat O'Donnell. O'Donnell holds a cardboard box; impressive, for sure, considering the costume he resides in. 
"...You only see films on a surface level? Fine. Soon, you'll only exist on a surface level. Fitting fate, eh?" 
"You don't mean..." 
"Shut up." 
In silhouette, we see Cloonbob strike down the critic. He moves his spatula around the critic's form hastily, and lifts up what appears to be his skin, much like fabric. He seems to toss the skin into O'Donnell's box. We cut to a close-up of Cloonbob's face. 
"....a good start, yes. More to come, more to come.... 
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We zoom into a cluttered room, with guttural screaming sounds coming from the right side of the room. As the camera pans over, it reveals Vinny Pizzapasta, slumped over his mic, playing what appears to be a video game revolving around an orange, depressed plumber. 
"Alright, no more Meat voice, makes my throat feel scummy. We've got about, uh...fifty more minutes, so we'll cap off Super Sponge Bros. with another pizza review, because you guys liked that segment so much...and we're not gonna be talking about Atlantis Adventures. Chat, I know, you love hearing me suffer, but seriously. There's been a few incidents. Joel's told me it isn't safe." 
Suddenly, crashing through Vinny's window, a rusty spatula crashes into his computer screen, instantly terminating the stream. In a split second, Vinny ducks under the table as a bomb in the form of a Triple Bossy Deluxe flies through his window, demolishing his studio. As the flames of utter vengeance roar through the apartment, a rectangular silhouette appears, climbing through the window in a distinctly alien way. 
"Vinny, Vinny, Vinny...you're in for it now. It's time to get WEIRD WITH IT, Vinny!" 
As suddenly as he had come in, Cloonbob is swiftly knocked to the floor by what seems to be a frying pan. A loud shriek echoes through the medium-sized apartment. 
"DUNKEY ROLL!" 
Through the fire, videogamedunkey appears, grabs Vinny, and jumps out the window, the distance of the fall making Vinny's blood run cold. 
"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!" Vinny shouts. 
"Survival," videogamedunkey responds. 
As they land onto the cold city streets, a motorcycle roars into the background, as we see Pat O'Donnell, bloodlust dominating his limited brain capacity, accelerating straight towards the two. Vinny and Dunkey get up and sprint as fast as they can towards a manhole. The manhole cover blasts open, and crawling out of the vast underground, JonTron appears, waving at the two. 
"Get in! QUICK!' 
As Vinny and Dunkey roll out of the trajectory of the speeding motorcycle, O'Donnell fails to steer the cycle efficiently, promptly running over Jontron and crashing into Joe's Pizza, killing him in a spray of blood, bones and fabric. Vinny and Dunkey, with no time to mourn their former contemporary, jump into the manhole. The camera pans to the right, however, to JonTron, barely hanging on to life. 
"I had so many personal views....to get out....people would have loved them..." 
A spatula cuts into JonTron's torso. Cloonbob, about to commit his horrible deed, turns his attention to the remnants of Pat O'Donnell. As he slowly steps towards the wreckage, even if for a brief moment, his humanity slips through ever so slightly. 
A tear slides down the tattered SpongeBob skin. 
"For whom does life call towards? The dead? The living? To what end is death a better fate than life? To this shattered mirror we call humanity? The man I used to be is gone, and so is he." 
He steps back, taking in a deep, labored breath. 
"No going back. The mission shall be completed. For Schumacher." 
"For my friend." 
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A scattered montage plays of Cloonbob, perhaps at his most flustered, collecting his skins one-by-one. Shots of the Los Angeles coast engulfed in flames, rusty spatulas being tossed into the wind, and Cloonbob hacking away are shown in rapid succession, all as a melancholic piano cover of "Grass Skirt Chase" plays in the background. The French Narrator begins to speak. 
"Prisoners of film. Prisoners of Cloonbob. Prisoners of executives. The Schumacher mission continued, and the pieces continued to fall into place, as the dim light of hope dwindled. What is one to do? The fall of media is upon us now. Neptune help our souls." 
The montage comes to a halt, as a shot of Cloonbob marching towards a bog of some sort lingers just a bit too long. At the foot of the water, a large green figure is seen staring into the distance. He clears his throat, and begins to speak." 
"The time has come, hasn't it?" 
"You understand just as well as I do, old friend." 
The figure turns his head. Shrek, clearly exhausted and malnourished, gives a menacing glare at Cloonbob. 
"Laddie, listen to me. This isn't worth it. This suffering comes to no real end. What is your goal? To redeem your past?" 
"Yes," Cloonbob says. "The Batman and Robin days. Redemption is all that I seek." 
"But you haven't EARNED it. Madness is doing the same thing over again, and expecting different results. That's exactly what Atlantis Adventures was. Move on, Clooney. Start anew. I know what it's like to become a joke." 
Shrek holds a copy of Shrek the Third in his hands. He glares at it, though not in anger, but in a sort of acceptance. 
"Please." 
Cloonbob stands motionless. For a brief moment, it seems that the ogre's words have resonated with some part of him. 
Of course, that comes to an end, as Cloonbob leaps into the air, spatula raised triumphantly, as if to cut down Shrek. We see the spatula cut straight through, as Shrek limply falls to the ground. Cloonbob stares down in reflection, and promptly begins to wade through the swamp waters, on his way to his next target. We see him take out a Clooney Checklist, and upon the millions of crossed out names on the list, only one remains. 
Waluigi. 
As Cloonbob marches out of the camera's focus, we do not follow him; instead, the camera remains on Shrek's body. Defying all expectations, the ogre gets up, and simply pulls the spatula out from his armpit. 
"He needs to work on his aim." 
The light of hope, dim as it may be, is clear now. 
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1 WEEK LATER... 
As the sound of the motorcycle grows closer, Cloonbob has mere milliseconds to react, as it is revealed that the driver is Wario, riding his Wario Bike straight towards Cloonbob. Though he tries to dodge the impact, it isn't enough, as the Wario Bike collides and rips apart the tattered skins that kept the facade held together. 
Clooney gets up and furiously rushes towards Wario, before a cape-clad figure glides into frame. He tackles Clooney, pinning him to the ground. We see that the figure is none other than Batman, as Clooney is met face-to-face with the man that he himself could never be. Clooney and Batman silently exchange glances, as it becomes clear that both of them feel a sort of apprehension. 
"Go on," Clooney says. "I know your movie's moral code. Kill me. Do it. Brand me. Whatever you want. Schumacher's vision is in place. And it cannot be undone." 
"No. It's over, Clooney. The nipples will be in retreat soon, and the skins of the dead will be restored. I want you to remember this, Clooney," Batman says. 
"I want you to remember the one man who beat you." 
Batman punches Clooney square in the head, knocking him out, as Wario attempts to tend to his brother's burn wounds. As the camera pans to an overhead shot of the Detroit neighborhood, the screen cuts to black, as we hear the uncertain laugh of Joel Schumacher in the background. 
THE END 
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Written by BubbleBud and Anonymous Contributor Category:Movies
Category:Movies
Category:The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (series)