Trolly Tales (episode)/Transcript

The following is a transcript for the episode "Trolly Tales".
== ==
(The episode starts with Poppy, Branch, and some children going to the Troll Village Library on the minecarts. Branch is scared while Poppy and the children are having fun.)
Branch: WHOOOOOOOOAAAA! (Poppy and the children have their arms in the air. Keith is sticking his tongue out.)
All: YEEEAAAAH! (The minecart lands at the entrance and the kids cheer.)
Poppy: Oh, yeah! And there’s more fun ahead, kids! (As the minecarts move again, Branch struggles not to vomit.) It is my queenly pleasure to take you on your first trip into… (The lights in the library turn on.) … the Troll Village Library! (The kids remain silent.)
Keith: Boring.
Poppy: Boring? Guys, every shelf in this library is packed with adventure, excitement, and-
Branch: Safety guides! (He runs past the Troll children. He then hugs a book.)
Poppy: Branch, I brought you along to help sell the fun of the library.
Branch: Hm?
Poppy: (growls) Look, I know these scrapbooks are a little old. (She holds up a book and it breaks along with the pile.) Ooh. But they can really capture your imagination in the hands of a great storyteller.
Branch: Thank you, Poppy. I am a great storyteller. The key is to make the story your own.
Poppy: (Clearing her throat as she moves Branch aside) I was talking about myself. (She and Branch growl at each other.)
All: Ooh!
Branch: I told myself lots of stories during my years in the bunker, and I was always on the edge of my seat.
Poppy: There’s no way you’re a better storyteller than me.
Branch: One story apiece. We let the kids decide the winner.
All: Story fight! Story fight! Story fight!
Poppy: Eccentric survivalists first. (Branch goes to a bookshelf and takes out a book.)
Branch: This is a cautionary tale about the dangers of not playing it safe. (He opens the book. We show Handbag and Satchel skipping in a forest.) Once upon a time, a pair of sassy twins named Handbag and Satchel ventured deep into the forest, despite the warnings of a wise woodsman. (A woodsman appears by jumping into the air and landing.)
Woodsman: Careful. The forest is dangerous, and it’s easy to get lost.
Satchel: Uh, first, the rick is worth it. We’re going to a critter fashion show, where animals dress up like other animals! (She and Handbag squeal.)
Handbag: And second, to find our way back, we’re leaving a trail.
Satchel: Of snickerdoodles. (She and Handbag show a trail of cookies.)
Woodsman: Cookies?! You can’t! Those will attract predatory birds.
Satchel: You’re not my dad!
Handbag: Yeah, and we’re twins, so you’re also not my dad. (She and Satchel leave. As they go deeper into the forest, they become scared.)
Branch: But the deeper they wandered, the more confusing the forest became. They began to lose hope of ever seeing a Puffalo work it on the runway. (Satchel falls down.) And then they spotted…
Satchel: A house made of designer clothes! (She and Handbag run over to the house and look at a white jacket and a green and blue cape. Suddenly, they hear evil laughter from a witch.)
Witch: If you like those clothes, you’ll love what I have inside.
Satchel: Go inside the pod of a suspicious, cackling stranger?
Handbag: Me first! (She drags Satchel into the pod. Just then, a cage falls over the twin sisters.)
Both: Aah!
Witch: Start sewing, because you’re gonna make my entire fall line! (She laughs evilly. Handbag and Satchel start sewing clothes.)
Branch: And so they sewed… and sewed… and sewed.
Satchel: (sighs) That’s the last one.)
Witch: Perfect. Now you can start on my winter line! (She cackles and sips her tea.)
Branch: Realizing they were prisoners, the twins came up with an escape plan.
Handbag: Hey, witch!
Satchel: We made out best outfit yet. Come in and try it on.
Witch: How dumb do you think I am? (Handbag and Satchel show a sparkly lilac dress.)
Handbag: But you’re the only one dainty enough to fit into this. (The Witch gasps and drops her tea.)
Witch: Oh… well… when you put it that way… (She chuckles and unlocks the cage. Then she runs in and tries on the dress. The twin sisters then escape and lock the cage.) No! You tricked me! In a really obvious way!
Handbag: The fashion twins strike again!
Satchel: Stop calling us “the fashion twins.” That’s not a thing. (She and Satchel run out of the house.)
Branch: And so Handbag and Satchel followed their trail home and lived happily ever after.
Handbag and Satchel: (Jumping in the air) YEAH!
Branch: Until they were attacked! (Handbag and Satchel scream as a big black bird grabs them.) So, you see, never leave a trail of cookies that predatory birds can follow. (He closes the book.) The end! (Some of the kids groan and snore.) What’s the matter? That story was amazing!
Gemma: It felt awfully lesson-y.
Poppy: Lesson-y and easy to top. (She and Branch growl at each other again.) This is the story of Rapunztroll, who was locked away in a tower. (She opens the book.) The ruler of a nearby village heard of Rapunztroll’s plight and set out on a recue mission. (The village ruler rides on a Puffalo to the tower.)
Village Ruler: Rapunztroll, Raounztroll, let down your hair, for I am here to free you from the witch that’s imprisoned you in this tower. (The camera shows the beautiful hair of Rapunztroll.)
Rapunztroll: I think you were misinformed. A witch didn’t lock me up here.
Village Ruler: Oh. You isolated yourself by choice?
Witch: Yeah. (The camera cuts to the pod made of clothes.) He locked himself up by choice.
Village Ruler: Ooh. Sorry I blamed you.
Witch: Don’t be. Totally sounds like something I’d do. (chuckles) Anyway, if you’ll excuse me, I have… um… company. (She walks backwards.) Start sewing! (Rapunztroll leaves the window.)
Village Ruler: Wait, Rapunztroll! Don’t you want to rejoin society? You’re all alone up there.
Rapunztroll: Nope. Pretty happy in my fear tower. Besides, I’m not alone. I’ve got my best friend, Gareth. (He holds out Gareth.) What’s that, Gareth? You want to brush my hair? Uh-uh. It’s my turn to brush your hair.
Village Ruler: Uh, I really think you need to rejoin society. Come on down.
Rapunztroll: You bet. (He rubs Gareth’s hair.)
Village Ruler: You’re not coming down, are you? (She jumps off her Puffalo.) Fine. I’ll just climb up there and bring you down! (She throws her hair at the window, jumps onto the wall, and climbs. Rapunztroll presses a button on Gareth and some scissors appear on the wall. It cuts the village ruler’s hair and she falls.) Aah! (Her Puffalo catches her.)
Rapunztroll: Did I forget to mention my fear tower is heavily booby-trapped? What was I thinking? (The village ruler uses her hair formed into a pole and she flies into the air. Rapunztroll pulls a lever.)
Village Ruler: Aah! (She lands on the wall and slides down it.)
Rapunztroll: Did I also forget to mention it has a lift? Where is my mind today? (The village ruler uses a catapult, but stops.)
Village Ruler: Oh! Dang. Forgot my helmet. (She gets off the catapult and runs off.)
Rapunztroll: Good for her for being safe. Better for me that she left her catapult unattended. Yoink! (He uses his hair to grab the lever, but the village ruler stops him.)
Villager Ruler: Tricked ya! Now I’ll just easily climb my way up your hair. (She starts climbing Rapunztroll’s hair.)
Rapunztroll: Ow! Hey! Quit it! Ow! (The village ruler jumps the rest way up.)
Village Ruler: Ah. See? Easy. Armor dance! (She starts dancing.
Rapunztroll: (Tangled in his own hair) I’m still never leaving this tower.
Village Ruler: Fine with me. (She sits down.) I’ll just stay up here with you. We can talk about our feelings.
Rapunztroll: Huh? (He yells as he jumps out of the tower. He uses his hair as a parachute.)
Village Ruler: Boom! Queen takes pawn! Welcome to the world, pal. I think you’re gonna like it out there.
Rapunztroll: No, I don’t like it! (gasps) I love it! (He runs around.) You were right as always, Queen. And you’ve made my life… (We go back to the library.)
Poppy: “And you’ve made my life so much better. I’d be lost without you.” And so Rapunztroll realized just how wrong he had been… (Branch growls at her.) … and how right the queen had been and would always be forever. (She puts the book away.) The end.
Gemma: Uh… that ending was totally unearned.
All: Mm-hm.
Poppy: “Unearned”?
Branch: You know, I couldn’t agree more.
Poppy: At least it wasn’t all lesson-y.
Branch: Whoa, easy! (Keith clears his throat.)
Keith: Maybe you two should work out whatever “this” is… (The children laugh.) … on your own time and leave the real storytelling to me. Gather round, everyone. (He punches a book pile down and catches a book.) This is the story of Jack and the Eyestalk. (Jack and his brother and mother are struggling to fit a blue party hat over each other.) Times were tough. There weren’t enough party supplies to go around. (Jack’s mother takes off the party hat.)
Jack’s Mother: Forget it! (She lets go of the party hat and it hits Jack’s brother in the face.)
Jack’s Brother: Ah!
Jack’s Mother: The three of us can’t fit into one party hat. Jack, go into town and get more… in exchange for your brother.
Jack’s Brother: Hats? That’s what you think I’m worth?
Jack’s Mother: Ooh, you’re right. (She takes the hat from Jack’s brother.) One hat, then. (As she puts on the party hat, Jack drags his brother along with him.) Hm.
Keith: And so Jack went into town to trade his brother in for one party hat and no more. (That night, Jack’s mother grunts angrily because she can’t get the party hat to stay on her head.)
Jack: Great news, Mom. I traded your oldest son for three beans.
Jack’s Mother: I said “hats,” not beans! (She swipes the beans out of Jack’s hands and they fall to the ground.) You got ripped off. (She walks away. A bird lands to peck at the beans. Suddenly, a huge plant grows. Jack runs over to check it out.)
Jack: What the huh?! Three beans and only one Eyestalk? I did get ripped off.
Keith: Still, Jack thought he might as well check it out.
Jack: Might as well check it out! (He starts climbing the Eyestalk. Soon, he reaches the top and sees a golden harp.) Whoa! A golden harp! (He sees a golden goose.) Whoa! A golden goose! (Two more geese appear.) Whoa! That goose has swagger.
Keith: And that’s when Jack came upon a giant, who was also a witch. (The Witch wakes up and sees Jack.)
Witch: Fee-fi-fo-fuddy! (She grabs Jack.)
Keith: And just when it looked like the giant was gonna eat all his guts…
Witch: Will you be my new best buddy?
Keith: Instead, they did a best-friends montage! (Jack and the Witch play with their harps. Jack then gets on a spoon.)
Witch: Ready?!
Jack: Let’s do this thing! (The Witch sends him flying by pressing on the other side of the spoon.) YEEEAAAAAH!!! (He flies past several stars and lands on the moon blowing a party horn, causing it to explode. After that, Jack watches fireworks explode.) Today was so much fun, but I still feel bad about trading my brother away.
Witch: Well, we can fix that… with my time machine! (She presses a button and a time machine appears.)
Jack: No way! (He and the Witch put on sunglasses.)
Golden Goose: Got room for one more? (He puts on sunglasses.) Heh. (He breathes fire along with Jack and the Witch. Then they get on the time machine.)
Keith: And they flew all around in the time machine, solving mysteries and running an artisanal bakery. But that’s a tale for another time. (We go back to the library.) So the moral of the story is, time travel is real! (He closes the book.) Boomshakalaka! (He throws the book down.) Yeah! (The children get up and smile.)
All: Yaaaay! (They pick up Keith and throw him into the air.) Story King! Story…
Branch: But that lesson made no sense.
Poppy: And that ending was completely unearned. (The children start looking at more books.)
Troll Child #1: Whoa! Check this out!
Troll Child #2: Look at this book!
Poppy: You know what? They’re reading That’s really all that matters.
Keith: Little Red Riding Troll?! Awesome!
Gemma: The Boy Who Cried Hugs?! Sweet!
Keith: Pride and Prejudice?! Epic! (He and Gemma imitate guitar solos. Suddenly, the time machine from Keith’s story appears. The Witch, the golden goose, and Jack pop out.)
All: Time travel is real!
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