"What Should We Do with the Damn Fool Squidward?"

"What Should We Do with the Damn Fool Squidward?" is an episode of The Amazing World of Squidward. In this episode, Hoopla gets three new members to join his group and the members in the island meet an old friend of Squidward.
== Characters ==
* Hoopla
* Floyd
* Lloyd
* Good Old Randy
* Squilvia
* Harold
* Anchovy
* Con man
* SpongeBob
* Fred
* Bubble Bass
* Shubie
* Tom
* Dennis
* French Narrator
* Squidward
* Squidward Jr.
* Tattletale Strangler/Daniel Mustardo
* Flats "The Flounder" TriangleBottom
* Male Police Officer
* Female Police Officer
* Patrick
* Gary
== Transcript ==
*the episode starts with Hoopla, Floyd, and Lloyd in the ducts, eating sandwiches with “Hoopla’s Superb Beach” comic books around them*
Floyd: Hey Hoopla, *COUGH* how did you get these delicious sandwiches?
Hoopla: I stole them from the cult *COUGH* kitchen, it’s the only source of food available. Also, why do you look so *COUGH* tired?
Lloyd: Well, we were awake all *COUGH* night reading your amazing comic books!
Floyd: Yeah, they’re sooo funny!
Lloyd: They put the *COUGH* comic in comic book!
Floyd: HAHAHA good one *COUGH* Lloyd. You know i also made a very *COUGH* successful comic book when i was just seven years old.
Lloyd: Woah really?
Floyd: Yes, it was very popular......BETWEEN MY *COUGH* CLASSMATES!
Floyd and Lloyd: HAHAHAHAHAH! *COUGH* Hahahahahahahhahaaaa.......*COUGH*.....ha......
Hoopla’s mind: Oh god these two are even more obnoxious than me in my first *COUGH* comic books..........wait a minute, did i just cough in my mind? Oh boy this virus is messing me up.....just like these two will.
Hoopla: So anyways, i was *COUGH* thinking, maybe we should get some other cult members to *COUGH* join us here? Like, maybe they could help us come up with a plan to overthrow Squidward or *COUGH* something.
Floyd: Let’s just hope he doesn’t stab people on his first day with a pen like *COUGH* good old Randy.
Lloyd: Ooooh yeaaaah good old Randy! *COUGH* Boy, middle school was soooo crazy back then!
Floyd: Yeah, kids these days think BITING pens is *COUGH* epic.
Lloyd: I tell you, kids these days are-*suddenly their talking is replaced with blahs*
Hoopla: *sigh*
*cuts to the island where the cult members who were yeeted out of the window are*
Squilvia: *is hitting all of the other cult members, who are asleep, with a stick* WAKE UP! WAKE UP YOU LAZY *COUGH* BUFFOONS!
Harold: LET US SLEEP YOU WICKED WITCH OF THE *COUGH* SEA!
Squilvia: WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!
Harold: WICKED. WITCH. OF THE SEA!
*they start beating each other up*
Anchovy: Meep.
Con man: Yeah i feel you. Which is why i *COUGH* could help you sue that big nosed babboon. What do you say?
Anchovy: Mmmmhhhhhh.........
SpongeBob: *wakes up with an ugly, sad facce* I miss Gary....i miss *COUGH* Patrick........*starts sobbing* OOOOH WHYYYY?! *accidentally angrily kicks Fred’s leg while having his eyes closed*
Fred: MY LEG!
Bubble Bass: *continues sleeping, snoring loudly and drooling, and some car keys fall out of his mouth*
Shubie Peterson: WHAT THE HELL?! THOSE ARE MY *COUGH* CAR KEYS! *starts punching Bubble Bass*
Tom: EVERYONE SHUT UP! I JUST WANT TO *COUGH* SLEEEEEEP!
*we hear sounds of estreme chaos*
Dennis: *appears randomly* STOOOOOOP!
Everyone else: ..........*COUGH*............AAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Dennis: SHUT UP YOU BUFFOONS! What are you doing here? Nobody knows about the existence of this island but me!
Harold: WE WERE THROWN OUT OF THE WINDOW BY THAT BIG NOSED *COUGH* MONSTROSITY! SQUIDWARD! THEN WE LANDED *COUGH* HERE!
Dennis: Squidward? Like, Squidward Tentacles?
Fred: Yes, the *COUGH* worst person in the sea!
Dennis: I know him! We were best friends in middle school! He inspired me to become a hitman! *COUGH* *COUGH* *COUGH* Oh god, i don’t feel very *COUGH* good.....*COUGH*
SpongeBob: Let me kindly explain the *COUGH* situation to you....
French Narrator: 42 seconds later.........
Dennis: Ooooh, good old *COUGH* Squiddy! Still deserves a place in *COUGH* hell! Oh and i should probably explain how i got *COUGH* here, basically……
*cuts to Hoopla, Floyd, and Lloyd*
Hoopla: So anyways, i’ve been *COUGH* thinking about getting some cult members to join us in our plan to *COUGH* end Pinocchio’s reign. After observing the cult members, i realized *COUGH* most of them are incredibly stupid. I did find two *COUGH* members who could join us though: Nose Monster’s kid, and a *COUGH* genius snail.
Floyd: Yeah very nice, get *COUGH* a kid and a snail, two of the dumbest *COUGH* animals!
Lloyd: Haha! That’s a good one!
Hoopla: .......So anyways, i think you *COUGH* should help me bring those two up here.
Lloyd: Well Floyd could help you with the kid, he has great *COUGH* experience luring kids.
Floyd: Oh shut your *COUGH* mouth!
Lloyd: Hoopla, back me up! Look at his *COUGH* creepy face!
Floyd: I’m suing you *COUGH* fatty!
Hoopla: *gets a rope and just crawls away from the scene silently* Dammit! Those two are more *COUGH* useless than....something useless. This is why i need that *COUGH* big brain snail! But first, Nose Jr.! *sees Junior with Squidward through an air duct*
Squidward: *is playing on his phone* Hey Junior! I’m gonna go check on those *COUGH* dumb dumbs again to see if they are obeying my orders! Stay here and *COUGH* don’t go to the bathroom, like last time....
French Narrator: FLASHBACK
*Junior is going to the bathroom, but gets hit by a hammer and falls down on the floor unconscious*
Squidward: *offscreen* Oops.
French Narrator: END OF FLASHBACK
Junior: Or you could *COUGH* remember where the bathroom is next time.
Squidward: Yes yes, gotta go!
Hoopla: *opens the air duct and goes in the room, tied to the rope which is tied to the air duct*
Junior: WHAT THE-*his mouth is shut by Hoopla’s arm*
Hoopla: Shhhhhhh. Speak quietly or he may *COUGH* hear us!
Junior: *muffled* Are you going to *COUGH* kidnap me?
Hoopla: Eew you just coughed on my arm! *COUGH* Anyways no! I’m just here to kindly ask you if you’d like to *COUGH* join me, two idiots, and hopefully a genius *COUGH* snail too, in a group where we plot to overthrow your *COUGH* dad-ctator! Oh god sorry for that pun.
Junior: .....*COUGH*......i’m in.
Hoopla: HahahahahahaHOOPLA! Sorry that comes *COUGH* natural.
*cuts back to the island*
Dennis: Daniel Mustardo, a former *COUGH* mayor of Bikini Bottom; which only i knew, everyone else just *COUGH* knew him as the Tattletale Strangler. Anyways he sent me on a *COUGH* mission to kill the mayor at the time, Flats “The Flounder” TriangleBottom…………
French Narrator: FLASHBACK
*we see a building with glass walls, and then we zoom in and see Flats in a room*
Flats: *is smoking a cigarette* *cough cough*
*a BatMan-like figure flies on the roof of the building*
Flats: WHAT THE?!
*the BatMan-like figure leaves tons of grenades on the roof, then flies away*
Flats: HEY! COME BACK HERE! I’M GONNA KICK YO-*the building slowly explodes*
BatMan-like figure: That was too easy. *flies into a house, where the Tattletale Strangler/Daniel Mustardo is*
Daniel: Ah, i see you completed your mission, eh?
*the BatMan-like figure takes off his BatMan-like clothes, revealing himself to be Dennis*
Dennis: Yes siree.
Daniel: Good, that fat buffoon stopped my fabulous plan. Here’s your money, hitman! *gives him a bag of money*
Dennis: Sweet, sweet, cash. Goodbye, Dan. Hope to see you and your bags of money again someday! *puts the bag of money in a pocket in his jacket, then opens the door, where two police officers are*
Male Police Officer: HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! ARMS UP!
Female Police Officer: OH BOY DO WE HAVE A SPECIAL PLACE FOR CRIMINALS LIKE YOU!
Daniel: How did you find us?
Male Police Officer: Well i don’t know…….maybe because we saw that flying thing flying away from the exploding building and flying into your house!
Dennis: To be fair you could have come up with a better plan.
Daniel: Shut up you failure of a hitman!
Female Police Officer: BE QUIET YOU TWO! *takes the money bag from Dennis’ jacket*
Dennis: MY PRECIOUS!
Male Police Officer: Oh boy oh boy oh boy. We would kill you, but we want to see you suffer. We’re gonna take you to the worst prison in the entire world.
Dennis and Daniel: *gulp*
*cuts to Hoopla and Junior in the ducts, looking at Gary and Patrick through an air duct*
Patrick and Gary: *sobbing while watching the tape Squidward made*
Patrick: SPOOOONGEBOOOB! *COUGH* WE LOST HIIIIIIM! WHYYYYY?! WHERE ARE *COUGH* YOOOOOUUU?!
Gary: MEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW! *COUGH* MEOW MEOW MEOOOOOW! MEOW MEOW *COUGH* MEOW MEOW MEEEEEEEEOOOOOW!
Patrick: That can’t be! Our supreme *COUGH* leader Squidward would never do that!
Gary: Meow!
Patrick: No he wouldn’t!
Hoopla: And that is why i want that *COUGH* snail! He knows what’s going on!
Junior: You know snail *COUGH* language?
Hoopla: No, which is why i guess we’ll have to *COUGH* get that overweight bilingual starfish too. *opens the air duct and goes in the room (with Junior), tied to the rope which is tied to the air duct*
Patrick: AH!
Gary: MEOW!
Patrick: TWO DEFORMED FISH *COUGH* SPIES?!
Hoopla: We’re not deformed! We’re just *COUGH* ugly! And we need your help! You see, as this genius *COUGH* snail-
Patrick: Gary!
Hoopla: ...Gary knows, Squidward is *COUGH* evil!
Patrick: Oh, you too?
Gary: Meow meow *COUGH* meeeeooow!
Junior: Trust me, i’m his *COUGH* son, and he threw almost all of the auditioners out of the *COUGH* window!
Gary: MEOW?!
Patrick: HE DID?! EVEN *COUGH* SPONGEBOB?!
Junior: Well i don’t know which one was *COUGH* SpongeBob....
Patrick: Well he was born on *COUGH* July 14 19-
Junior: Just tell me how he looks like.
Patrick: Oh. Square sponge with square pants and a baby *COUGH* face.
Junior: Oh that guy. Yes him *COUGH* too.
Patrick: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *COUGH* I HATE YOU UGLY OCTOPUS WITH A GIRAFFE AS A *COUGH* NOSE!
Hoopla: Ha, good one. ANYWAYS, we would like you to *COUGH* join us in the ducts to make a plan to overthrow Squidward!
Patrick: I’M IN!
Gary: MEOW!
Hoopla: What did he *COUGH* say?
Patrick: “Me too”.
Hoopla: Ok *COUGH* then! Let’s all go in the *COUGH* ducts! Oh also there are two idiots there just ignore them.
*cuts to Dennis’ flashback*
*in a helicopter, the male police officer is driving with the female police officer as co-pilot and Daniel and Dennis tied in the back*
Daniel: I can’t believe this! You put us in this mess, you better get us out of it!
Dennis: And how am i supposed to do that? Besides, it’s not my fault your plan sucked!
Daniel: *rolls over to Dennis and hits him* HAHA! You deserve that!
Dennis: Wait a minute.....do that again!
Daniel: What?
Dennis: Just do it!
Daniel: Ok masochist! *rolls over and hits him*
Dennis: AGAIN!
Daniel: *rolls over and hits him with rage*
Dennis: *his sword necklace jumps up and cuts the ropes* Yes!
Daniel: What?! You said that was just a necklace! Not a real sword!
Dennis: I lied, duh. I told that to those cops in case i would need this! It would have been much easier with that glove they took from me though…..
Daniel: Well what are you waiting for?! Free me!
Dennis: *frees him* Now this is the plan: i stab the male police officer with this sword, you strangle the female police officer so she can’t do anything, and then i will stab her too!
Daniel: You’re diabolical.....
Dennis: You blew up a building full of people!
Daniel: Fair point.
French Narrator: We cannot show these scenes of violence, or else MY LEG! NETWORK will cancel the show.
*we see Dennis riding the helicopter with Daniel as co-pilot*
Dennis: Crap crap crap i don’t know how to do this.
Daniel: Well me neither so you better figure this out or we’re both dead!
Dennis: I THINK WE’RE ABOUT TO CRASH!
Daniel: WHAT?! TRY CLICKING THE BUTTONS!
Dennis: *starts clicking random buttons, and we see the outside of the plane where the plane stops randomly then starts falling again things stop and stuff* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Daniel: CRAP!
*we see the plane crash into an island*
*cuts to Hoopla, Floyd, Lloyd, Junior, Patrick, and Gary in the ducts*
Floyd: Oh. My. God. THAT SNAIL IS SO *COUGH* CUTE!
Gary: Meow.
Lloyd: *picks Gary up and hugs him* HEY CUTEY! So you’re the *COUGH* genius uh? Well let’s test that! 2+2 equals…..*Gary spits on him* HEY! HOW *COUGH* DARE YOU!
Gary: *growls*
Patrick: *picks Gary up* Calm down, cousin. We talked about *COUGH* this. Do not bite genitals.
Gary: Meow meow, *COUGH* meow!
Hoopla: *facepalms* WHYYYYYYYYY.
Junior: Well i guess it’s back to living with *COUGH* two idiots.
Floyd: You know we’re not deaf, right? We can *COUGH* hear you!
Lloyd: The disrespect! Back in my day, we *COUGH* respected grown-ups!
Hoopla: Let’s just start thinking about a plan to overthrow *COUGH* the octopus with a giraffe as a nose!
Patrick: Hey! That’s my *COUGH* joke!
*cuts back to Dennis’ flashback*
*we see Dennis in the island, with lots of scars, looking at a place in the ground with rocks around it, with a helicopter behind him*
Dennis: *sigh* Rest in peace, Dan. Well, time to wait for someone to eventually come here. Who knows when, maybe tonight, maybe next year. ……..I should go get some food.
French Narrator: END OF FLASHBACK
Dennis: And that’s how i got here. Dan died and i *COUGH* had to bury him. After many years of *COUGH* waiting, i figured this island was unknown and no one was ever gonna come. But then, you *COUGH* came here.
SpongeBob: ...........*COUGH*.............Well that story was incredibly tragic.......
Fred: Hey, listen: how would you like to *COUGH* help us get back to Squidward’s cult and help us overthrow *COUGH* him?
Dennis: I tried escaping this island a few *COUGH* times, never found any *COUGH* land. Besides, Squiddy’s my *COUGH* friend…….but he did teach me to do *COUGH* anything for money…….if i TRIED to somehow get you *COUGH* back to land, would you give me some cash?
Squilvia: Well, as Squidward’s wife, he stole lots of *COUGH* money. So much, we had about 5 million *COUGH* dollars. If we overthrow Squidward, we could give you 2.5 *COUGH* million.
Dennis: Deeeeeeaaaal. *COUGH*
French Narrator: And so, this episode ends as well. What will happen in the next episode? Find out in……well, the next episode.
Category:The Amazing World of Squidward
Category:The Amazing World of Squidward episodes
Category:The Amazing World of Squidward Season 2
Category:Episodes
Category:Transcripts
Category:Episode transcripts
Category:2020
Category:2020 Episodes
Category:2020 Transcripts
Category:CartoonGuy277
Category:2020s
Category:Episodes written by CartoonGuy277