Take Me Ohm

The fifth chapter of Total Drama Tokyo, posted on March 2, 2012.
==Story==
"Last time on Total Drama Tokyo, the contestants worked in a bathhouse. The Dharmas experienced some troubles with Arthur, and the Fish Tails won... again. Yeah, I'm starting to think there's something wrong with them. The Dharmas lost, and they voted out Wolfgang, probably for being annoying and rude. He left, but not before he confessed his hatred towards Puck. Who will be out next? Find out now!"
"So, would anyone like to play some sort of game?" asks Charles.
"I hate games," says Layla. "Charles, give me some jelly beans."
"We're all out, you ate them all yesterday," says Charles.
"Well, find more," snaps Layla. "Like, now."
"But the kind of jelly beans you like are not available in Japan," says Charles.
"So? Just cause they may be a little bit hard to find doesn't mean you shouldn't get me any. GO," says Layla.
"So, tell me about yourselves," says Neal, lying in bed with Isabel and Casey.
"Well, I really like ponies. They're so cute," says Isabel.
Neal gasps. "Whaddya know. Me too." He winks.
"Neal, don't you have better things to do?" asks Casey.
"No, not really, actually," says Neal.
Casey goes to the bathroom, and begins to brush her teeth. A bucket falls onto her head from the ceiling.
Delia pops out of a board in the ceiling. "Give me my bucket, please."
"Why did you just throw it at my head?" asks an angry Casey.
"I didn't mean to. It accidentally dropped. Give it," says Delia.
Casey reluctantly hands Delia her bucket.
Delia throws it onto Casey's head again and Casey gets knocked out this time.
Neal looks at the violent scene in the bathroom. "So, Isabel, tell me more."
The camera moves to Puck, all alone in the boys' room, in bed under the covers, playing his Wintendo SD.
"This is great! Now that Neal is talking to the girls, I get the whole guys' room to myself! And that means I can walk around..." says Puck. He pulls off the sheets, revealing... his nude, pixelated body. "Naked."
Neal walks into the room, sees the naked Puck, then slowly backs away.
"Brrrrrrrrr," says Puck. "It's cold without any clothes!" Puck then finds a spotted, leopard-print loincloth and puts it on. "There, that's better." He then picks up a book.
Casey walks in. "What are you doing?"
"I'm readin'," says Puck. "Ever done it before?"
"Nope, I hate reading, unless it's Gossipy Gurl, or The Secret Life Of The Canadian Adolescent," says Casey.
"That's poor, Casey. You gotta occasionally read a book, or you'll fall behind the times," says Puck.
"Ugh, Puck, I'm trying to concentrate," says Casey.
"On what?" asks Puck. "All you're doing is talking to me."
"Why are you wearing a loincloth, anyways?" asks Casey.
"Why aren't you wearing one?" winks Puck.
Casey groans, then walks away.
Casey says in the confessional, "Puck is so annoying, it's not even funny. My whole team sucks. Except for Isabel, but she's an idiot. Sigh... Although, I think I could do some things with Puck. Let's see how this turns out." She laughs evilly.
"Yo, so, Casey-o, whatcha wann--" says Puck.
Casey runs up to Puck and begins to kiss him violently. Puck gasps for air, but Casey does not let go until about twenty seconds later, then she skips away.
"See you later, sweetie," she says cheerfully.
Neal walks into the room.
"What just happened?" he asks suspiciously.
"I..." says Puck. "Something very 'cool' happened..."
Neal says in the confessional, "All right, there's something weird about that Casey. She's up to no good."
Kai then walks into the room.
"Who's the weirdo in the top hat?" asks Layla, walking in.
"I'm Kai, the amazing magician," says Kai. "Surprised you don't know me."
"And, why are you here?" asks Neal.
Chris then walks in.
"Kai here is going to be joining your team! The other team, the Tanukis, will get Casey and Puck," says Chris.
"What?!" yell Casey and Puck simultaneously.
"Vivienne is controlling Kai, and he needs to have personality, like magic tricks. Casey and Puck need to be on the Tanukis cause Thomas is on there. Ha," says Chris.
A flashback is shown to Casey making out with Thomas the day before.
"Oh no..." mutters Casey.
"What's up, my chill babe? Polar bear got your tongue?" asks Puck.
"Uhhhh..." says Casey. "I'll be right back."
She runs into the bathroom, and pukes. She then comes out.
"All right, so I'll get my stuff ready," says Puck. He gets his suitcase and leaves.
Kai plops down on Puck's old bed.
"Great, 'tis warm," he says sarcastically.
"So you're on our team now?" asks Isabel.
"No, he's not, Chris just said he was a billion times," says Neal.
"Ohhhh. Silly Chris. Hehe," says Isabel.
The scene changes to Puck and Casey, walking to the Tanukis' room.
Casey is holding Puck's hand. "Your hands are cold."
"I know. That's what living with th' penguins can do to ya," says Puck.
"Oh, Puck, you're so cute," says Casey. She makes out with Puck again.
Puck says in the confessional, "All right, I don't mind all this kissin', but Casey is kind of weird. Doesn't she like that Thomas guy?"
Casey says in the confessional, "Do I like Thomas or Puck?"
Casey and Puck walk into the Tanukis' room, still holding hands.
Thomas looks up from a video game. "Uh..."
Thomas says in the confessional, "Man, that Casey chick is really screwed up."
Vivienne walks to the door. "You guys are our new team members?"
"Indeed, we are. What's up?" asks Puck.
"Nothing much," says Horatio, walking to the two while snapping his fingers. "This is the chill zone."
"I'm glad you guys are part of our team," says Flora happily.
"Who's she? I've never noticed her," says Puck.
"Meh, she's just there," says Horatio.
Vivienne begins to sniffle. "I miss Kai already."
"Get over it, and you can see him when, if, you make the merge," says Thomas.
The Fish Tails are chilling out in their dorm.
"Roz, what are you doing?" asks Anderson.
Roz is at the computer, looking at disturbing pictures.
"I enjoy expressing myself," she says.
Roz then clicks on another file, and it is a large picture of Chappy.
"This is Chappy," she says.
"No, this is Patrick," says Anderson.
"No... This... Is... SPARTAAAA!" yells Julian.
"No, this is the-author-is-running-out-of-ideas-and-has-to-resort-to-internet-memes," says Tolkien.
"True dat," says Julian.
Ari comes down. "I'm not even gonna..."
"Oh, Ari, just in time, wanna join us in our fun?" asks Roz.
Ari moves away from Roz and sits on the couch.
Tolkien walks to the couch and sits next to Ari.
"Hey..." he says.
"Hi..." says Ari.
"What's the haps?" asks Tolkien.
"Heh, he's trying to be cool. Trust me, kid, it all goes downhill from here," says Estrella, reading a book.
"My life will all go downhill from here if Julian and Shawn don't date in the next 60 seconds." says Yuri, popping up.
"I don't find your humor funny," says Estrella dryly.
"I don't find your status as Julian's beard funny," says Yuri.
"Your mom doesn't find what we did in bed last night funny," says Anderson.
"Anderson, that's gross," says Tolkien.
"I live to be gross," says Anderson.
Chris is shown watching the contestants' interactions.
"All right, the crude humor is really getting annoying. Chef, if you please?" asks Chris.
Chef pushes a button, and a burlap sack drops from the sky and onto Anderson.
"Mmrpht! Schmrph!" says Anderson, muffled.
"Let's keep him in there," says Estrella. "It will be fun."
"Indeed, it certainly will," says Julian.
"Don't agree with me," says Estrella. "It annoys me."
Anderson says something vulgar within the sack.
"How did he even say that?" asks Tolkien.
"Who knows? And who cares," says Estrella.
Julian says in the confessional, "All right, Estrella is hot, but she sure isn't nice. Man, what can I do to win her over?"
Tolkien walks over to the computer and gets on HeadNovel.
"Oh, you have a HeadNovel? I'll friend you," says Julian. "What's your last name?"
"That's personal info," says Tolkien.
"Good, same here. I'll change my HN last name to Flexkdhnsvrjst," says Julian.
Estrella is reading a book. "HeadNovel is for losers who have no social life and must resort to fake-socializing on an Internet site."
"So, I guess that makes me a loser who has no social life and must resort to fake-socializing on an Internet site," says Julian.
"Yup," says Estrella.
"Whatever, I can live with that," says Julian.
The scene changes to the contestants, who are being brought up on a gigantic hot air balloon.
"Chris, what are we doing that requires the use of a hot air balloon?" says Casey.
"You'll see. Be patient!" he snaps.
"'Cause this doesn't really look like Japan," says Yuri.
"Your mom doesn't really look like Japan," says Anderson crudely.
The contestants get out of the balloon and onto a circular platform in the middle of the sky.
Thunderclouds are booming, and five people in hoods are on smaller platforms hovering in the air.
"Hey, this reminds me of a minigame I played in Super Jario Fiesta," says Tolkien.
"Oh, yeah, I'm Coming Ohm?" asks Julian.
"Yeah, cause the writers totally didn't play Jario Fiesta and jot down notes because they couldn't think of Japanese challenges," says Chris. "I swear."
"Ugh, Chris, you get worse every episode," says Estrella. "So, what are the rules?"
"Well, you guys will all be dumped onto the platform. The five people in hoods will control a barrage of ohms, which will attack you and zap you. You must jump over the ohms in order to survive. If an ohm ray hits you, you're out, and the last one standing wins invincibility for their team," says Chris.
"Are you sure this is safe?" asks Puck.
"No, not really," says Chris.
"And who are those weird hooded guys?" asks Kai.
"Well, guys, introduce yourselves, will ya?" says Chris.
The first three hooded figures take off their hoods and are revealed to be three nondescript interns.
"Yawn," says Chris. "Okay, the next one is more interesting, I promise." 
The fourth hooded person reveals to be Dolph.
"Hello, chaps, ready to die?" he says nefariously.
"Aw, man, Chris, you had to bring him back again?" asks Shawn.
"Man, I hated that guy so much," says Neal.
"Would you guys like to give me a hundred bucks, or get blasted by ohms?" asks Dolph.
"I kinda want to get blasted by ohms," says Anderson.
Chris puts on a boombox and it starts to play heavy metal music.
"Okay, and the fifth shadow figure is also an intern, ready to go?" asks Chris.
Mattie rips off her hood. "I'm not an intern."
"Well, someone who nobody cares about, ready to go?" asks Chris.
"Nobody cares about me..." mutters Flora. "But I'm happy."
"READY TO GO?" asks Chris.
"Uh, sure," says everyone.
Chris blows a whistle, and the challenge begins.
Dolph pulls a lever, and sends an ohm flying towards Anderson.
The ohm zaps Anderson in the butt, and sends him flying.
"Ouchies!" he says. "My arse!"
"Quit complaining, you're gonna lose it for our team," says Estrella, while sitting down and reading a book.
An ohm zaps Estrella's book and it disintegrates. Another ohm zaps Estrella's hair, and it sticks up, all spiky.
"Purrrfect," she says, and she sits in the sidelines.
An ohm is flying towards Layla and Charles.
"Charles, be my human shield!" says Layla.
Charles runs away extremely quickly.
Isabel walks by Layla.
"Isabel, you be my human shield," says Layla.
"I don't wanna!" says Isabel. "I wanna win the challenge! Teehee!"
"Be my human shield, you runt!" says Layla.
Layla pushes Isabel in front of her, but an ohm zaps both of them.
"Gee, thanks a lot," says Layla.
Charles, whose head is completely black from most likely getting zapped by an ohm, walks over towards the girls.
"Layla, I'm getting tired of your antics," says Charles.
Kai is dodging the ohms. An ohm then appears thanks to Dolph, and begins rolling towards Kai.
"Kai, I'll save you!" says Vivienne, rushing towards him.
"I do not need to be saved, plus you're on the other team!" says Kai.
Vivienne starts to cry, then teleports.
The ohm is getting closer to Kai.
"Razzamafoo!" says Kai, waving his wand. The ohm turns into chocolate rain.
The chocolate rain sprinkles on Kai, and he licks it up.
"Whoa, how did you do that?" asks Puck.
"Magic," says Kai. "Do not question."
"I didn't," says Puck.
"Uh-huh," says Kai.
An ohm then zaps both of them. Kai's hat and Puck's helmet turn into dust.
Neal is standing in the middle of the stadium.
An ohm zaps his foot, and his shoe falls off.
"What the--?" asks Neal.
Dolph throws a banana at Neal, and it hits him in the head.
"Is he allowed to do that?" asks Delia. "Because I'm not afraid to do stuff."
"He's not technically competing on the show, so he can do anything he wants," says Chris.
Dolph throws a watermelon at Delia, and laughs obnoxiously. Delia takes out a knife, and Dolph quits laughing and jumps off the side of the stadium.
Ohms then zap many of the other contestants.
Tolkien is shown running away with Ari.
"Ari, save me!" says Tolkien. He jumps into Ari's arms.
"Uh, Tolkien, can you get off of me?" asks Ari.
Tolkien wets his pants, then tumbles away, straight into an ohm.
"Aaaieeee," he says, rolling around.
"All right, now I feel bad..." says Ari.
"Don't!" says Roz. She falls out of the sky, scoops Ari up, then runs away. "Come on!"
An ohm is following them. It quickly catches up to them, then zaps them.
Horatio then emerges from a bush. He looks around, and sees that everyone is gone.
"Chris, where is everyone?" he asks.
Chris points to the sidelines, where everyone is. They are all burnt, with their hair sticking up or some of their clothes burnt/gone.
"I took two hours fixing this hair this morning," whines Layla.
Tolkien is hugging Ari and sighing.
"Can you get off of me? It's kinda creepy," says Ari.
"Yeah, the only reason guys hug girls is so they can feel the girls' boobies," says Roz.
Everyone stares at Roz.
"It's true, actually," says Estrella. "Very true." She narrows her eyes at Julian.
"What?" says Julian innocently.
Chris then speaks on his loudspeaker. "Since Horatio is the last one standing, the Tanukis win! Somehow. Maybe it's because of Casey and Puck. But whatever, Fish Tails, wanna go to elimination?"
"Dammit!" says Anderson loudly.
Julian says in the confessional, "Yuri's nuts. I hate her humor, and her fanfictions are scary, dude. But Anderson's annoying. Who to vote out?"
Anderson says in the confessional, while naked, "Yup. Just loungin' around. I really like bein' in the buff, it gives me a sense of accomplishment, and also it's kind of freeing. Don't even ask, dude."
Ari says in the confessional, "I really like this alliance-with-Roz thing, but she's dangerous..."
Yuri says in the confessional, "If something specific doesn't happen very soon, someone's gonna get dangerous."
Chris is at the elimination. "Sushi bags go to Roz, Tolkien, and Julian."
The three collect their sushi bags.
"And Ari, and Shawn. Also Estrella." says Chris.
"I couldn't care less," says Estrella.
"Yuri and Anderson. Final sushi goes to..."
"Yuri. Honestly, I'm shocked."
"You know what? Whatever," says Anderson. "I don't need this dumb show anyway."
"Anderson, I honestly don't think you're that horrible of a human being," says Tolkien. 
"I do!" says Roz gleefully, and Ari stares at her. 
Chef pushes an angry-looking Anderson into the Insert-Vehicle-Here, and he then drives off.
"I hate all of you!" he says, while trailing off.
"Who will go next? Find out... next. See ya," says Chris, signing off the episode.