Smoke on the Daughter/Quotes

:Chazz Busby: Who the hell... taught you to stand like that?
:Lisa: This is the way I always stand when I tell adults what they should be doing!
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:Chazz Busby: Ah-ah! En pointe!
:Lisa: This is so hard.
:Dancer: Get used to it. We ballerinas are under constant pressure to stay focused, skinny, graceful and skinny.
:Lisa: How do you cope with it?
:Dancer: You find out what works you.For some people it might be yoga, for others, meditation. But for every ballerina in the world, it's cigarettes.
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:Lisa: Nothing like fresh air! (breathes in smoke) Fresh air!
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:Apu: I do not thank you and I will not come again!
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:Marge: Do you need more legwarmers?
:Lisa: No! Stop buying me legwarmers! I'm already wearing six pairs!
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:(Bart sees Lisa taking second-hand smoke and calls home.)
:Homer: Hello. She what?! Oh, my God! Well, I'm going to settle this once and for all! Meet me at that place we discussed. (hangs up)
:Marge: Who was that?
:Homer: Wrong number.
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:Homer: Stop saying things, Bart. That's the TV's job.
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:Homer: This is my favorite family tradition, ice cream after a botched recital.
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:Lisa: Cigarettes? They can kill you! They did a whole episode about it on The Suite Life of Zack & Cody. Zack tried to impress a girl by smoking, but she went for Cody instead. Ha. Zack's life wasn't so sweet then.
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:Homer: Son, while your mother and little mother are out, I'm gonna let you in on a deep, dark family secret.
:Bart: You have a drinking problem?
:Homer: I said secret.
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:(Homer and Lisa are excited about the latest Angelica Button book.)
:Lisa: The last book in the series goes on sale at midnight and we're gonna go stand in line.
:Bart: Wait in line for a book? You tell 'em Bart says hey.
:Homer: Come on, boy. All the nerds are doing it.
:Bart: I'm not a nerd. I'm a jock who's too cool for sports.
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:(Chazz Busby's TV commercial.)
:Chazz Busby: See that? That's talent. Think you got it? You don't. 'Cause only I can teach it and I ain't taught you, so you don't. The Chazz Busby Ballet Academy is coming to Springfield. Auditions are Monday. Callbacks are Tuesday. Wednesday, you see I'm a heartless bastard. Thursday you realize you love me, damn it. Friday, we're closed.
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:Marge: Homie, I'm gonna be a dancer!
:Homer: Go-go or boring?
:Marge: Boring!
:(Homer moans)
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:Chazz Busby: I haven't seen crap like this since my Broadway show Crap Like This. Ran for five years.
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:Homer: I can't believe you were smoking. Do you know the "sturgeon" general said you're not supposed to?
:Lisa: A "sturgeon" is a fish.
:Homer: And a very wise fish he is!
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:Lisa: So what happened?
:Marge: My bosoms grew in and ruined my balance.
:Lisa: Really? How?
:Marge: They came in one at a time.
:Lisa: Mom, do you think mine...
:Marge: No, I'm pretty sure you'll have your father's boobs.
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:Bart: Dad, you never win in a fight against animals. Remember your war with the worms?
:Homer: That was not a defeat, that was a phased withdrawl.
:Bart: Then why did they made you build that statue? (points at statue of Homer bowing at a worm, titled "Worms are better than me")
:Homer: They multiply when I cut them. I can't fight that.
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:Marge: Lisa, have I ever shown you my shattered-dreams box?
:Lisa: No.
:Marge: It's upstairs, in my disappointments closet.
:Lisa: Oh! Oh.
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:Apu: Ugh, you have wasted my time! (menacingly) You have made a very powerless enemy! Good day, and be well.
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:Homer: Who could have done this?
:Bart: Well, something chewed through the cellar door, and the floor is covered with pawprints.
:Homer: This can only mean one thing!
:(cut to Homer holding up Ned Flanders' sweater)
:Homer: Flanders, you ate my jerky!
:Ned: As the oak said to the beagle, you're barking up the wrong tree! I spent the whole morning blanking out the "goshes" and "darns" of this Hardy Boys book!
:Homer: I know you ate my jerky, just like I ate your earthquake supplies.
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:Homer: Awww, they're using the jerky to feed their family! Look, there's a Homer, and a Bart, and a Marge and a Lisa! Awww, they even share my views on parenting.
:(Homer raccoon strangles Bart raccoon)
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:(It's windy and Lisa can't breathe the smoke)
:Lisa: Oh, what am I doing? I don't need second-hand smoke to do ballet. (Grabs an alight cigarette on the ground) I need first-hand smoke! (Slowly approaches the cigarette to her mouth)
:Homer: LISA! Give me that! (grabs the cigarette, stomps on it, pulls a gun and starts shooting the ground) I can't believe how easy it is in this country to get cigarettes. (Puts the gun in his jacket with the other guns and angrily looks at Lisa)
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:Homer: Because it means so much to your mother, you can keep doing ballet. But you have to stop smoking, including second-hand!
:Lisa: That's easy for you to say, you've never had to be thin and focused!
:Homer: (eating a hamburger, with mouth full) What'd you say?
:Lisa: I'm just saying it's gonna be hard for me to quit, especially before the recital!
:Homer: I thought you might have trouble with this. That's why I'm assigning someone to keep watch over you. Someone you'd never expect.
:Lisa: Is it Bart?
:Homer: D'oh! Come on out, boy.
:(Bart comes out from the bushes)
:Bart: For the next three days, I'm gonna stick to you like waffle syrup on a shag rug. I'm gonna be on you like fish stink on a gloucester dog. I'm gonna be all over you like-- Hey, where'd she go?
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:Dancer: They don't call these Dancer Sticks for nothing!
:Lisa: I thought they were Cancer Sticks!
:Dancer: (puts a cigarette on each ear) I dan't dear dou!!
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:Mayor Quimby: Lord, I could use a smoke. (sack of looted Laramies lands on the bed) Thank you, God. Cigarette?
:Miss Springfield: Can't. I'm pregnant.
:Mayor Quimby: One more favor?