POV/Version A

This is JustInCaseTheDingusRunsAway's version of "POV". For Yvonne's, see this page.
==Synopsis==
CrazySponge starts to cause serious environmental damage. 
==Script==
[The episode starts in the jungles of , wherein flooding from a nearby river has left the ground submerged in polluted water. A woman is up to her knees in water yet still trummages through the jungle with her child in her hands. We pan up to reveal that a Box Productions airplane is flying above, refilling a massive tank of rainwater, shaking it up and continuously pouring it into the river and by extension, onto the land. CrazySponge the CEO can be seen from the window of the helicopter, and we zoom in to showcase his shit-eating grin, shiny teeth twinkling just like the stars in space, and smug thumbs up.]
Narrator: Who else but CrazySponge?
[A jingle plays as we cut to a motion graphic of CrazySponge in a suit casually walking down a staircase in the middle of orange nothingness. A doo-wop group sings a catchy chorus.]
Vocalists: He’s CrazySponge, CrazySponge, bought the Earth for a real cheap buck!
He’s CrazySponge, he owns the world, but he’s not much more than a lazy fuck!
[The jingle ends and CrazySponge seems perturbed.]
CrazySponge: Yup, we’re changing those lyrics. 
[Cut to a climate protest in , wherein is making a speech at a podium to a crowd of young woke individuals.]
Greta Thunberg: How dare they… CrazySponge is putting dangerous, toxic, world-altering chemicals in things we take for granted… like even our toothpaste. Every time you use toothpaste, now owned half-and-half by Box Productions and Zig-Zag, you are destroying five trees in Indonesia.
[The crowd seems confused on how that works, speaking within about their uncertainty.]
Thunberg: And he’s white!
[The crowd gasps.]
Thunberg: Before we fire our pitchforks, here is a solemn rendition of a now very bittersweet song from our very own, Chip Skylark.
[The lights dim as aging boy-band singer Chip Skylark steps up to the microphone, replacing Thunberg, and a piano plays subtly in the background.]
Chip Skylark: [singing, emotionally] When I’m feeling lonely… sad as I can be…
[Cut to the crowd all waving lighters in the air.]
Skylark: All by myself, an uncharted island, in an endless sea…
[Thunberg is in the back, yawning, and eventually rushes to push Skylark off the podium.]
Thunberg: Yup, enough of that. Let’s riot.
[The crowd suddenly turns volatile and replace their lighters with flaming pitchforks.]
Thunberg and the crowd: [chanting] The Earth itself is unfair! ‘Cause CrazySponge is up there! Aquafresh is unfair! ‘Cause chemicals are in there!
[Up above, CrazySponge is in the Box Productions helicopter with the two businessmen from the last episode who sold him the Earth.]
CrazySponge: Code green, gentlemen. Super-Mega-Ultra-Robotic Hitler won’t cut it for these infidels. Send in the giraffe.
[Out of nowhere, John. appears from the sky and stomps on the ground. He lets out his signature incomprehensible giraffe sound, as if it were a war cry, and starts a stampede onto the protest as a much more upbeat rendition of Skylark’s “My Shiny Teeth and Me” plays, barely drowning out all the screaming.]
Skylark: [off-screen; singing] My shiny teeth so awesome, just like your favourite song!
[John. devours a small child alive.]
Skylark: My shiny teeth, I floss ‘em so they’ll grow to be real strong!
[John. uses his large neck to completely demolish the structure of a government building.]
Skylark: My shiny teeth, I love them and they all love me!
[John. licks his lips to rid them of rubble and blood in a gruesome close-up.]
Skylark: Why should I talk to you when I’ve got 32? My shiny teeth and me!
[The song is muffled as we cut briefly to Paige, now living in a destitute but spacious apartment building. They’re watching the news, on a CRT TV, in the singular chair they have in the entire flat, but we only see their reaction.]
Newscaster: [offscreen] Today we have a special feature on this new native quiz show taking indigenous communities in by storm. They call it something I can’t pronounce, but we’re calling it Alaskan Stones.
Paige: [smiling] I think I’m moving to a bigger place, man. I could be making some good money.
[They rub their hands together, and the episode ends.]
Category:Thursday Spin-Off
Category:Episodes written by JustInCaseTheDingusRunsAway
Category:2024 Episodes
Category:CrazySponge
Category:Dark Comedy
Category:Dramedy
Category:Userfic