Computer CHIPs

This is the ninth episode of The SBFW Chronicles.
==Transcript==
(Ian is seen eating Doritos at his computer desk)
Ian: Man, these CHIPs are boring! I need some new CHIPs to eat.
(He gets up from his computer desk, and goes into the kitchen to look for some CHIPs)
Ian: Hey, only I get to say CHIP!
(I don’t care lol. Anyway, Ian finds a bag of Lays CHIPs and brings them back to his computer desk in his room)
Ian: Ah, some Lays CHIPs oughtta do the trick.
(He opens up the bag of Lays CHIPs to find that it’s just full of flavored air)
Ian: The hell? Air? Where’s my fucking CHIPs?! (he shakes the bag violently) I think I pulled a muscle thanks to these damn CHIPs. I hate this.
Ian’s mom: Honey, I made chocolate CHIP cookies!
Ian: What the fuck I’m living alone now, quit breaking in!
(The police suddenly show up and arrest Ian’s mom)
Ian’s mom: Don’t CHIP my golden tooth!
Ian: Wow, the writers sure are doing a good job shoeing in these CHIPs, huh?
Sentient Lay’s Chips bag: They sure are.
(Ian screams)
Ian: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU?
Sentient Lay’s Chips bag: Hi, my name is CHIP.
Ian: Of course that’s your name. My name’s Ian and not anything related to potato products.
Sentient Lay’s Chips bag: Wanna taste my air?
Ian: Ew no. I’ve tried your CHIP brand before and it didn’t go well.
Sentient Lay’s Chips bag: How dare you! (slaps Ian in the face)
Ian: Ow, you’re a violent CHIPs bag!
(The Sentient Lay’s Chips bag vanishes into thin air)
Ian: What ze fuck. Well what to do now except eat a different brand of CHIPs?
(Ian goes back into the kitchen cabinets and finds some Munchos)
Ian: Wait a minute… these aren’t CHIPs, these are CRISPS! Damn Brits fooled me again…
(Ian goes back into his room to go play some Soulja Boy 64)
Ian: Oh sweet Soulja Boy, don’t fail me now.
Soulja Boy: YOU!
Ian: Soulja Boy, you tell ‘em.
Soulja Boy: Tell ‘em what?
Ian: You really don’t know, do you?
Soulja Boy: All I know how to do is make epic gaming consoles. Here, take this.
(Soulja Boy gives Ian a rip-off PS Vita through the computer screen)
Ian: Wow, this is worthless!
Soulja Boy: You’re welcome! (vanishes from the computer screen)
Ian: Man, I need to eat some CHIPs if I wanna enjoy playing games on this thing. And no, I’m not gonna eat the computer CHIP. (laugh track) Okay who the fuck did that?
Dan Schneider: Feet. (disappears)
Ian: I swear people keep getting into my house. I thought I had the door padlocked. Maybe I shouldn’t have made the password BIGBOBTHEMASSIVESBIGCOCC. Oh well, too late now.
Bob: DID SOMEBODY SAY COCK
Ian: Not now, BigBobTheMassive. Now go back to your cage.
Bob: NO. I NEED IT.
Ian: Need wha-
(Ian gets mauled by Bob off-screen. Ian’s mom is seen eating CHIPs as the mauling happens, and the episode ends)
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