Unf Twi SI, chapter one

Authors Note: Another attempt to create an OC SI but without annoying Gamer powers that are difficult to keep track of in terms of information.
Joe, our depressed main character had finally achieved his goal of dying... but only because human beings were all idiots. Yes, he was killed along with all of humanity in a stupid nuclear war. Most of humanity, each in their different countries, had all decided to vote for an assortment of idiots; greedy idiots, warmongering idiots, idiots with moronic political and religious ideologies, and incompetent idiots. Any idiot could get elected if they said all the right things.
"Yes, you did have a pretty disappointing life," a mysterious voice spoke.
"It could have been worse," Joe returned.
"Yes... you mostly spent your life pursuing your dreams while working other unfulfilling jobs and helping out your family. We pity your sucky life and that's why you can have a second chance... with unique powers in another fictional universe."
"Unique powers? That's a very vague." Joe replied.
"It's that or purgatory though."
"So, what are these other universes available?" Joe asked, not liking his other option.
"Game of Thrones, Twilight, Star Wars, Harry Potter, Pokemon, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Dragon Ball, Avatar: the Last Airbender, and the MCU."
"Well. I wouldn't wanna live in Westeros or Essos, the gods in PJO can one-shot me, and as a human I'd still easily die in Dragon Ball or quickly become irrelevant, the MCU has too many huge threats, and that just leaves me ATLA, Pokemon, Twilight, and Harry Potter... I think that I'll go with Twilight even if the series has an unhealthy primary pairing in Edward and Bella. Plus I can become a vampire and spend eternity getting laid."
"I'm glad that you will make the best of your second chance," the voice said sarcastically.
"I'll do constructive stuff too. I'll also want to grow into an identical or larger penis size by age eighteen... it was my sole redeeming quality in my first life."
"Agreed. Also you will be offered boons, some of which are intended to guarantee your longevity. Speaking of, you need to choose your boons." Having said that, the being manifested a list of boons that Joe viewed.
Adonis: You will be born very beautiful and as you grow up you will become even more attractive. This boon endows you with Supernatural Beauty; perfect skill, amount of muscle mass, increased ability at seduction, increased charisma, agility, fashion sense, and slowed aging after age eighteen.
Enhanced Human: This endows the holder with even greater strength, durability, speed, stamina, grace and flexibility, memory, and regeneration compared to other humans. This boon unlocks the Enhanced Vampire boon, but leaves it dormant until you're transformed into a vampire.
Enhanced Vampire: This endows the holder with even greater strength, durability, speed, senses, grace and flexibility, memory, and regeneration compared to other vampires. Greater self-restraint and emotional control. Speed greater than Edward or Felix, greater beauty, and strength beyond Emmett or Felix.
Combat Precognition: Can detect and react to events a split second or more before they happen.
Absolute Mental Shield: Due to your knowledge of the future you are a potential risk to the timeline and your mind is shielded from those who would invade it. This guards your thoughts, memories, and emotions.
Mimicry: The ability to mimic anothers ability and keep it until replaced with another one. This also grants you the persons skill in using their ability. Holding an ability for a decade without letting it go makes it a permanent ability. You can only hold a maximum of three abilities. You can also freely mimic normal knowledge, skill, and experience with impunity.
Tracking sense: You can predict the most probable movements of your prey and then follow your hunches to find them. Dormant as a human.
Lie detection: Can detect spoken lies.
Telekinesis: The ability to psychically manipulate objects and even molecules with training.
Memory Manipulation: Can remove, restore, transfer, and see into the memories of others.
Ambidextrous: You can naturally and effortlessly use each hand with equal skill.
Eidetic Memory: Perfect recall and complete retention of everything that you read, see, hear, or otherwise perceive.
Those boons, which resembled gaming perks, were extremely powerful and the first would help him get laid. If Joe was going to party then he wanted advantages.
"Congratulations, Joe. You are now done with your pre-birth choices. You've also been granted something akin to an inventory like games have... but it's more like a Hammerspace. This way you can hide money, objects, and even vehicles."
"Thank you," Joe replied. "What now?"
"Now you will be reborn as Beaufort Swan, the elder fraternal twin brother of Isabella Swan... so have fun dealing with all that teen drama that you hate. Other than that please feel free to have sex with any lady that you want... you'll be that age again and 'reset' so to speak, and your morals, which are already lacking, are reduced to the point where you view yourself as being the age that you are in your new life. Otherwise you would snap or waste my gifts."
Joe hoped that he wouldn't regret this... or become a serial killer obsessed with purging Fork's.
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Being born was a shocking experience, but Beau had survived far worse. His life would be pretty ordinary apart from his excellent grades in school and scholarly pursuits while also exercising appropriately too. He wanted to be physically healthy and to fully unlock that Enhanced Human boon. Beau was born the elder fraternal twin brother of Isabella Swan, but his parents were divorced before they all had a chance to enjoy being a proper family.
Beau would tire of his mothers childish behavior and move to Fork's in 1991, shortly after his father had lost his own parents. Beau would enjoy his childhood in Fork's, hunting, fishing, learning more about mechanics, camping, hiking, and Beau's presence would help his father heal from recently losing his own parents.
In 1992, at age five, Beau began exercising even more because he wanted to be far stronger than he was. Beau would also invest his hard earned two-hundred and fifty dollars in savings in penny stocks that he knew would turn extremely profitable... Beau was entirely willing to take advantage of several of the best investments opportunities in history to make obscene amounts of money and better his future. Between doing chores and being given money Beau had two-hundred and fifty dollars to invest.
By 1997 Beau would begin using his money from his smart investments to acquire the wrecks of two Chevelle SS 454's and began restoring himself one mint condition car. Beau had wanted one for decades over the course of two lives and he could finally achieve that dream.
By 2000 and at the age of thirteen Beau would have the kind of body that most could only dream off, a fully restored car to drive once he had his license, had lost his virginity to Rebecca Black and had kept his skill from his past life, and was now working on restoring a '70 Hemi Cuda. Beau was extremely lucky this time around.
It was in 2003 that Beau was loving his restored cars and driving fast whenever he could get away with it and just enjoying life in general. And then the Cullen's arrived... strangely without Jasper.
"Mr. Swan," Shelly Cope, the school receptionist said, getting Beau's attention.
"Yes, Mrs. Cope?" Beau asked politely.
"Can you show the Cullen's around?"
"Sure," Beau replied. "I'm Beau Swan, what are your names?"
They introduced themselves as Rosalie; an utterly perfect blonde who could be a super model, Emmett her boyfriend and adopted sibling who looked like he could be the illegitimate son of the Incredible Hulk, Edward, and Alice who was pulling off being adorably cute and incredibly sexy at the same time and was checking Beau out.
"Nice to meet you all," Beau said. "Let's get the worst teacher out of the way first... Mr. Varner doesn't like anyone who is smarter than him and he assumes they're cheating. It's fun to rub his face in it if you can get away with it and he's a perfect case of those who can't do teaching." The Cullen's were amused by that description.
They continued the tour.
"Nurse Hammond's office is here... you guys can both expect to be stared at but on the plus side all I have to do use Edward and Emmett as a human shields. Thank you both for serving as a human sacrifices." They all laughed at that.
"Mr. Banner teaches Biology and as an amusing coincidence he has the surname Banner and Emmett looks like he could be the illegitimate white son of the Incredible Hulk." Edward, Alice, and Rosalie got a good laugh out of that, but Emmett took it in good humor.
"Mr. Jefferson teaches Government and is unwittingly helping me in plans to subjugate humanity and rule over them all as a technologically powered demigod... but you didn't hear that. That was a joke and that's all it was and you shouldn't tell anyone at all... and when I ask you to stare at a machine while wearing sun glasses inside you should all just mindlessly obey the command." More laughter.
"Mrs. Goff is fluent in Spanish, but she doesn't speak it at a native level and the class is an easy A even if she lets you ditch the class or just goof off provided that you speak Spanish fluently or at a native level."
"Mr. Berty teaches English and not very well. He produces above-average students at best and you might want to supplement your education a little." Beau said. After showing them where their other classes were and explaining the pros and cons of the teachers and a few students, Beau went to his own classes.
The Cullen's appreciated the amusing tour and the attempt to get them to relax and feel welcomed, and all the helpful information.
"Edward, did Beau think of a girlfriend while he was with us?" Alice asked so quietly that only the vampires could hear and amused her siblings. Alice had been looking for a mate ever since she and Jasper didn't work out. Jasper couldn't handle the vegetarian life style and left to live in isolation away from humans with only animals available as prey.
"I couldn't hear his thoughts or any emotions with them," Edward reported, shocking his siblings. "It's an impressive but annoying talent. Thankfully Beau is pretty open with his thoughts and opinions despite that. It shouldn't be too difficult to find out if he has a girlfriend though with our hearing and my ability."
They would learn that Beau wasn't dating anyone, but had dated both Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory before realizing how unpleasant they both were. Edward would learn entirely too much about Beau's sexual prowess and his exes willingness to sleep with him whenever he wanted from Jessica's and Lauren's minds.
"I know entirely too much about Beau Swan's sexual prowess and sex life now," Edward commented in disgust, amusing Emmett and Rosalie.
"How good can he be?" Emmett asked in amusement.
"He gave Jessica Stanley ten orgasms in one hour and she and Lauren Mallory are both willing to be used by him for sex with no expectations," Edward quipped, silencing Emmett. "He could probably give you some lessons. I've already got mine and I'm not sharing what I've learned."
"You're just not going to use it," Emmett joked. "Purity pledge."
Edward glared in irritation at Emmett. "Beau is looking for a relationship Alice, but he gets his satisfaction from one-night stands when he isn't in a relationship and he is brutally honest about his intentions. You could do worse than him from what I've seen. He isn't an idiot like everyone else and is already providing for himself by playing the stock market as well as experts do. He'll probably be a billionaire by age twenty-five."
"Alice saw him first Edward, no pursuing him for yourself," Emmett joked, amusing Rosalie and Alice.
"I need to get his attention... I strangely haven't had any visions of him or even us meeting him," Alice said, discreetly looking at Beau.
"None?" Rosalie asked in surprise. "That could be very dangerous if he's a blind spot in your ability."
"I'll try tracking blind spots in my vision to find him. If that works it will remove some of the danger. I'm very interested in learning how he's invisible to my precognition... I can see humans and vampires, but he's invisible." Alice said, already considering the possibility that Beau was different from other humans.
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Alice would spend weeks following (stalking) Beau without learning anything of use. She hadn't entered his families home and had barely stepped on their property, she wasn't that creepy, but she was interested in learning more about Beau and she still knew very little about him. Beau liked working on vehicles, exercise, cooking, and pretty much maintained the household for his father. Beau actually seemed to know that he was being watched and Alice was sometimes forced to hide better or outright leave.
Beau was at his wits end and was suspecting one of the Cullen's of stalking him... and despite countless fan fictions to the contrary, Edward Cullen was canonically heterosexual. If Edward Cullen was stalking him then Beau would become a professional vampire hunter and kill him, consequences be damned. Beau had climbed trees, built a cheap security system, and was looking like a crazy person. Alice eventually stopped stalking him.
Beau had acquired photographic evidence of Alice spying on him though.
"Hello, Alice," Beau greeted, sitting next to her.
"Hello, Beau," Alice returned with a hint of nervousness.
"Enjoying Fork's?" Beau asked.
"It's nice, but there isn't a lot to do," Alice replied. "I have to go all the way to Port Angeles to shop."
"Yeah. I can see how that would be an issue, but if you're into outdoor activities there is hiking, camping, hunting, fishing, and climbing trees near my house to spy on me..." Beau said, causing Alice's eyes to widen minutely. "I'm flattered by the effort that you've invested into stalking me, but if you're attracted to me then you simply could have approached me."
"I'm sorry," Alice said.
"And?" Beau prodded.
"I'll quit following you."
"What are you doing this Friday?" Beau asked.
"... Not following you?" Alice returned in confusion.
"How about dinner and a movie in Port Angeles instead?" Beau asked, surprising Alice. "It was the stalking that I disagreed with... I'm attracted to you too and it seems a shame to just ignore you after all that effort to get to know me."
"Of course I'll go out on a date with you," Alice replied, thrilled.
"No more stalking though. I have pictures of you in a tree and my fathers the Chief of Police... also climbing trees without rope is a terrible idea. I'm very impressed by your ninja skills though."
"You have pictures?" Alice asked nervously.
"Yeah. I need to upgrade my security system though. I don't have your arrival on camera, but once you started climbing and were stopped in the tree I have you on camera. As long as you don't stalk me again they will remain on my external hard drive. Dating me is completely optional too. There's no quid pro quo. I just don't want to be stalked."
"Can I see the pictures that you have of me?" Alice asked.
"Sure."
Alice looked over the pictures and didn't see anything that could expose her as a vampire, but was shocked when Beau deleted them afterward.
"I still have the originals but I'll delete them in time," Beau explained, to which Alice nodded.
Beau got Alice's phone number, directions to her home, and he scheduled a time to pick her up on Friday before speaking about more mundane subjects... hobbies, interests, favorite books and movies, and even a little about their families.
Beau noticed Alice be led away by her siblings but didn't meddle. If they left Fork's then Bella would have a happy mortal life away from Edward and if they stayed then she would have a presumably happy immortal life with Edward... and Beau might get Alice as his lady to boot.
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It was Friday night and Beau was excited... which his father teased him over. Beau wasn't ashamed though. Alice was fine as hell and was prime marriage material. She had beauty, brains, personality, and she was forever young... besides, if Bella and Edward still ended up together he would have an immortal sister and niece.
Beau pulled up to the Cullen house, turned off and exited his car, and knocked on the door.
A few moments later Esme Cullen opened the door.
"You must be Beau Swan," Esme said warmly.
"Yes. It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Cullen," Beau replied.
"Please, come in. Alice is almost ready." Esme said. "I'm sorry about her stalking you, but I'm glad that you're giving her a chance to get to know you."
"I'm just glad that she isn't climbing those trees anymore. I found it more adorable than threatening once I saw who was stalking me. I am proud of all of the security system upgrades though."
"Did your father have any issues with all of that?" Esme asked.
"Not really. He knew that I felt like I was being watched again, but I make all of my own money on the stock market and he pretty much lets me have control over my own finances unless I start getting ridiculous with my purchases. I felt that Alice could be warned away instead of being arrested or me taking out a restraining order against her."
"You've been stalked before?" Esme asked, feeling sympathy for the apparent teenager.
"And harassed in general due to people lusting after me. So far I've been stalked, grabbed, groped, and offered money... its not a common thing, but it has happened enough that people know better than to touch me." Beau replied. That Adonis boon was a double-edged sword and had gotten him sexually harassed far too much.
Thankfully the subject was politely dropped and Carlisle joined them and introduced himself after shamelessly eavesdropping along with the rest of the Cullen's.
"Is this the traditional part where you show me a weapon collection and imply that you'll use them on me if I break Alice's heart?" Beau asked in humor, amusing both vampires.
"No. Sorry, but I don't have any weapons. Is that a common event for you?"
"Yeah. I thought they only did that in shows and movies, but apparently not. I asked Lauren Mallory's father if he was overcompensating for something with that weapon collection and jacked up truck, but he wasn't at all amused for some reason. To be fair his wife never smiled so it seemed like a very logical deduction for an immature fourteen year old to make."
Thankfully they both chuckled about that and Alice appeared, looking absolutely gorgeous, and Beau had no qualms about teller her that. Winning points with her family by remaining a gentleman was just a plus. They were soon on their way to Port Angeles with Beau opening the door for Alice to get in and closing it behind her like a proper gentleman... which he actually was when he wasn't fixated on sex.
Once they were on their way, talk turned to their date.
"Any idea which movie you want to watch?" Beau asked. They had already chosen what kind of restaurant they wanted to dine at over the phone.
"How about that new Jim Carrey movie?"
"Sounds great," Beau replied.
They began talking about the attractions in Port Angeles, how she was liking Fork's, and eventually Alice reached a more sensitive subject...
"You know, you have a reputation for sleeping around at school," Alice said nervously.
"And you're concerned that I only want to use you for sex... understandable. I've only been with three girls and I let the lady set the pace where sex is concerned. Jessica and Lauren just initiated sex and I agreed with it and gave myself a reputation. I enjoy sex, but I'm not obsessed with it. If we have sex it will only be if or when you're ready for that. I'm interested in seriously dating you and possibly being a couple and if you're worried about disease then I'll get tested, but they were all virgins until they were with me; hymen intact and blood."
Thankfully Beau's words had eased Alice's concerns so she didn't ask him to get tested. As a vampire she was immune to human diseases anyway and she doubted that Beau had any diseases.
Alice and Beau's first date went wonderfully... they ate Italian food and both enjoyed watching the movie and the trip back to Fork's was filled with pleasant conversation. Beau decided that he should delete the photos of Alice given that they seemed to be off to a great start and he did like her.
"What are you doing?" Alice asked when Beau took out his laptop and portable hard drive.
"Deleting those photos... I'd like to date you again and I don't want them hanging over your head. Don't worry, I do intend to walk you to your door like a proper gentleman afterward."
All of the photos were quickly deleted with Alice as a witness, Edward reading her mind, and her family all eavesdropping.. although Beau only suspected the numerous violations of privacy. After walking her to the door and kissing her goodnight, merely on the cheek, Beau left for home.
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Beau and Alice went on their next date a few days later... The two spent hours talking about their pasts, interests, and even what annoyed them. It was a great second date and it was followed by several more other great dates.
Naturally, Billy Black had advised Beau to distance himself from the Cullen's, but he refused to elaborate on why... Beau's response was diplomatic.
"You not having a reason why kind of makes it look like bias or outright bigotry or maybe even an attempt to exclude someone. Honestly if me avoiding Alice and her family is so important then me knowing the reason why is a reasonable request."
Billy still refused to tell him why, suspecting that Beau already knew.
Beau did already know why Billy opposed his relationship with Alice, but Billy breaking his own grandfathers treaty and having to do damage control to avoid the fallout could be useful to get concessions out of them. Beau wanted to have the option to be a vampire and marry Alice if that's where their relationship went, and after months of dating Beau did view that as a real possibility. They were spending a lot of time together and when Alice didn't want to be alone she had a standing invitation to come spend time with him. They spent most nights together cuddling, but Alice wanted to wait a until marriage for sex. Alice was still a virgin and Beau was mentally preparing himself for a possible new experience too.
In early 2004, Beau and Alice finally became boyfriend and girlfriend, having been dating for months and had been taking it slowly at her urging due to his youth and her true age.