Mr. Glittercakes (episode)/Transcript

The following is a transcript for the episode "Mr. Glittercakes".
== ==
(Branch pours some tea into a cup, sits in his chair, and takes a sip. He is wearing a white housecoat.)
Branch: Hm. He’ll never see this coming. (He moves a chess piece.) Ha! (He gets up and goes to the other chair. We can see that he is wearing slippers that look like Gary.) Did not see that coming. (He hears knocking on his door. He goes outside and finds a card.) Hey, what’s that? (He picks up the card and a pop-up Troll appears.)
Pop-Up: This is a distraction!
Branch: From what? (Poppy, Cooper, and Smidge pop out from behind his door.)
All: SURPRISE!!! (Poppy plays her cowbell while Cooper and Smidge blow noisemakers.)
Branch: Hey! What’s with you guys?
Cooper: We were hiding!
Smidge: With an invitation!
Poppy: To a Noisemaker Party! (She plays her cowbell, Cooper blows his noise maker while banging a drum, and Smidge blows her noisemaker.)
Branch: (yells) Too loud!
Smidge: And then, after the party, Cooper’s holding an all-night staring contest. He’s still undefeated.
Cooper: I have no sensation above my neck.
Branch: Sounds fantastic. I’ll be there. Wait, this is all happening today?
Poppy: Why? What’s wrong?
Branch: Ah, I have plans with my friend, Mr. Glittercakes, so I won’t be able to make a bunch of racket with you guys after all. Dang it.
Poppy: Aw!
Branch: I know. I’m equally disappointed. Oh, well, I should go. I’m late to meet him. (He goes to find his friend, but Poppy stops him.)
Poppy: Uh… Hold on. Mr. Glittercakes?
Branch: Yeah…
Poppy: Isn’t that the same Troll you had plans with when we invited you to the Bongo Festival?
Smidge: Yeah, and when I was recruiting for the two-on-two Vegan Food Fight?
Branch: Uh…
Poppy: (sighs) And how come we’ve never even met this good friend of yours?
Cooper: Yeah. How come, Branch?
Branch: (chuckles) Oh, come on! You guys have met him. Trolly guy, like, about yea tall, with the hair and the face? Anyway, I’ll tell him you said hi. (He goes to find his friend again but is stopped once more.)
Poppy: Or we can come with you.
Branch: (sighs) Sure. Why wouldn’t I want you to meet a totally real Troll who definitely exists?
All: Whoo! Yeah!
Branch: (Chuckling while smiling nervously) Yay! (Soon, he and his friends go to find his friend. Branch looks around near a tree.) Mr. Glittercakes! Mr. Glittercakes? Where are you, pal? Glittercakes! So weird. Sorry, gang. I guess you won’t get to meet him.
Poppy: No, no, it’s fine. We’ll wait. (She, Smidge, and Cooper sit down.)
Branch: B-But he could be hours.
Smidge: No problem! That’s more time to get excited for when he shows up. (She and her friends get excited. Then they take out snacks. Poppy eats an apple, Smidge eats some popcorn, and Cooper eats a cookie while dipping it in a cup.)
Branch: Come on, you guys. I’m sure you would rather just go home?
Poppy: Of course not. Unless you know a reason why we should.
Smidge: Yeah. Is there something we should know about this Glittercakes?
Branch: What? Oh, no, nothing. I mean, it’s just, Mr. Glittercakes is uh…
Mr. Glittercakes: (From above) … right here! (He comes down from the sky with a yellow umbrella. Poppy and her friends gasp.)
Branch: Wait. What now? (Mr. Glittercakes lands on the ground.)
Mr. Glittercakes: Branch, old bean, old prune, old fruit! (He hugs Branch.) Terribly sorry I’m late.
Branch: Uh… (He looks at Poppy, Smidge, and Cooper.) Uh… Of course! Mr. Glittercakes!
Mr. Glittercakes: (Shaking Branch’s hand) Put it there, Branch! And you smiling Trolls must be Branch’s delightful friends. (He goes over to Poppy and her friends.) I’ve heard so much about you. Mr. Glittercakes, at your service.
Poppy: Mr. Glittercakes, it is so nice to finally meet you.
Mr. Glittercakes: Oh, Queen Poppy, please! Just call me by my first name: “Mister.” (He kisses Poppy’s hand.)
Smidge: Oh, you…
Poppy: Oh, stop!
Cooper: I have a cousin with he name “Mister.” She does not like it.
Branch: Ah, look at the time. We should get going. Enjoy your Noise Party, guys.
Poppy: We will! Have fun, you two! (She and her friends leave.)
Branch: OK, take care, you guys. Have fun!
Poppy and Smidge: Nice to meet you! Bye! (Branch takes out a frying pan.)
Branch: OK, who are you?
Mr. Glittercakes: I’m Mr. Glittercakes!
Branch: (Taking out another frying pan) You’re not Mr. Glittercakes. There is no Mr. Glittercakes. I just made him up to get out of going to social events. So, who are you?!
Thistle: OK, OK, OK! (He removes his glasses and hat.) My real name is Thistle McCall, and I’m just like you. (He throws his hat away.) I’m a Troll who sometimes needs alone time.
Branch: You… like alone time?
Thistle: Adore it! Now, don’t get me wrong, I love being a Troll.
Branch: Me, too! And I love parties. (He puts the frying pans away.)
Thistle: Who doesn’t?!
Branch: But there’s just so many of them.
Thistle: So very many!
Branch: And I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, so to miss them I’ve…
Both: … got to have a good excuse!
Branch: Wow. But wait, how did you even know about Glittercakes?
Thistle: Because I was there on the day he was born. (We go to the past to where he is selling Glitter Pops and cakes.)
Past Thistle: Glitter Pops! Cakes! (Some young female Trolls line up.) Get your Glitter Pops and cakes here!
Past Poppy: So, Branch, I haven’t gotten your RSVP to my RSVP Party.
Past Branch: Right! I uh… Unfortunately, I can’t go. I have plans with-
Past Thistle: Glitter Pops! Cakes!
Past Branch: … uh… my good friend, Mr. Glittercakes. Another time.
Past Thistle: Hm. (We go back to the present.)
Thistle: Since then, I’ve kept my eye on you, Branch, until the day you would need me to become Glittercakes. (He walks closer to Branch.) Watching, waiting…
Branch: Uh… That’s a little creepy.
Thistle: No argument here!
Branch: But it’s also ingenious.
Thistle: (giggles) I know.
Branch: I mean, I always worried my friends would catch on to the Glittercakes thing, but when you actually have a Glittercakes to back it up… (He and Thistle dance.)
Thistle: … you can have alone time…
Both: … whenever you want. (As we show a montage of Branch spending time with Thistle instead of going to his friends’ parties, Myself & I plays.)
(Branch)
Sometimes I know
(Thistle)
Sometimes I know
(Both)
That I got to get away
(Branch)
Be on my own
(Thistle)
Be on my own
(Both)
Party on another day
Because ain’t nothing like privacy
And my best friend
Well, today it might be me
I’m all alone
It feels so right
Relax my bones
Just me myself and I, yeah
Don’t even got to try, yeah
And there ain’t no surprise
When it’s just me, myself and I
Having a good old time
Just me, myself and I (Branch sits down at his table and sighs. He then hears a knock on the door.)
Thistle: (From outside) Branch! (He stomps his feet on Branch’s door.) Branch, I need you! Branch!
Branch: Thistle? What are you doing back here?
Thistle: It’s my friends. They invited me to Rufus’s Summertime Cupcake Roll! (We shift to Rufus’s event.)
Bella and Harper: Roll it! Roll it! (Thistle remains silent and still while Rufus rolls a cupcake down the hill. We go back to Branch’s bunker.)
Branch: Well, tell them you’re busy. (He tries to go back inside, but Thistle stops him.)
Thistle: I did! And now they want to meet my friend Dr. Fluffybutter. (He puts a clown nose on Branch.) He earned a PhD from Clown College when I used his “graduation ceremony” as an excuse to get out of Rufus’s Wintertime Cupcake Roll. (We shift to Rufus’s event during the winter.)
Bella and Harper: Roll it! Roll it! (Rufus rolls his cupcake down the snowy hill while Dennis stays still and silent. Then we go back to Branch’s bunker.)
Branch: (Holding a clown outfit) Huh. Never really saw this as a two-way street.
Thistle: (Giving Branch a pair of clown shoes) Come on! Pretty please?
Branch: OK, so, I put on the get-up, tell your friends we’re busy, and then we’re out?
Thistle: Exactly. Just don’t forget your accent.
Branch: Huh? (Later, he and Thistle go to tell Bella and Harper.) So, I’m afraid Thistle and I have highly unbreakable plans. (He looks at Thistle and he hits his arm.) Y’all.
Bella: That’s too bad. But it’s so nice to finally meet you, Dr. Fluffybutter.
Harper: Yeah. I never thought I’d meet the Troll who invented pants.
Bella: So, what exactly are you two doing?
Thistle: We’re uh… p-p-p
Branch: P-Puffalo tipping?
Harper: Whoa! That sounds like more fun than the Cupcake Roll. Can we come?
Thistle: I… can’t think of a single reason why not. (Branch groans and they go to play with the Puffalos. Thistle tips one of them over.) All right! (The Puffalo lands on some pillows and goes to sleep.)
Bella: I feel so alive! (She pushes another Puffalo over and Branch grunts. After a while, they leave the Puffalos.) That was so fun! What’s next?
Branch: Nothing! I’m very busy.
Thistle: We both are. I have to get the good doctor to his uh… stand-up comedy open mic.
Harper: Fun! We love comedy! (Branch groans reluctantly. Soon, he is on a stage.)
Branch: (On the microphone) Uh… OK. Have you guys ever noticed how Glitter Trolls are so… sparkly? (The audience does not laugh.)
Troll #1: You’ll do better next time! (After the comedy show, Branch has had enough.)
Branch: OK. That was the last thing we had to do.
Bella: Great! Onto the Cupcake Roll for all of us!
Branch: No! I mean uh… last thing except for um… uh…
Thistle: … getting shot out of a cannon?
Branch: What?! (He imagines himself in a cannon as some Trolls cheer for him. The cannon shoots him out and he screams as he flies into the air. We go back to reality where Branch is heading back to his bunker the next day.) Thistle! The whole point of excuses is not having to do the thing. (He starts removing his costume.)
Thistle: I know. This one really got away from me. But hey, my friends went home. We’re scot-free.
Branch: Finally! (grumbles) My time. Special time. (When he opens his door, a Troll named Celine Starburst pops out.)
Celine: Branch, you’ve got to help me! I gave my friends an excuse, and they called my bluff. I need a Sheila Fizzylips and her best friend, Cool Ted.
Branch: What?! Who is this?
Thistle: Celine Starburst. She’s with us. Also, dibs on being Cool Ted. (A Troll child named Timpani appears.)
Timpani: Thistle, Branch, I’ve been looking for you everywhere. (She gives Thistle and Branch clothes.) You’re Baron Duck von Pumpernickle and Lord Pickletree. And you both asked for my hand in marriage. Go!
Branch: Wait a minute. Who are you now?
Timpani: I’m Timpani. Keep up, Pickletree!
Thistle: (Removing purple glasses) Yeah, you didn’t think you were the only Troll who needed excuses, did you?
Branch: Well, no, but I… I’m doing any more excuses.
Celine: Sure you are. It’s on the schedule.
Branch: There’s a schedule?! (Later, he goes to a schedule with many Trolls wanting to use him for excuses from activities.) I don’t understand. Who are all these people?!
Celine: We’re having an excuse scheduling meeting. See, Tuesday, you will be Thistle’s elderly aunt to get him out of Harper’s Watching-Paint-Dry Party. (She takes out a cane.) In the excuse we trust!
All: In the excuse we trust!
Branch: Guys, I… Please. This won’t work.
Thistle: Oh, we have plenty of disguises, if that’s what you’re worried about. (A yellow male Troll appears with a closet and dresses Branch like a baby. Then a purple female Troll puts a pacifier in his mouth.) Yeah, by the way, there’s a conflict here. I need Branch to meet up with my friends tomorrow morning.
Troll #2: B-But then who will be Baby Oliver when I need to babysit and get out of my friend’s art exhibition? (Branch spits out his pacifier.)
Branch: Hey!
Thistle: OK, I can make it work, as long as I have Branch as Dr. Fluffybutter all night the night before. (He puts a clown nose on Branch’s nose.)
Branch: All night?! Are you crazy?!
Timpani: (Knocking the blue female Troll over with a construction hat) Yeah! He’ll be too exhausted to be a construction worker the next night. (The Trolls put more costumes on Branch.)
Branch: No, stop it! (Another Troll puts another costume on him.) Hey, cut it out!
Troll #3: Where’s my Baby Branch! (The Trolls gather around Branch and he loses his temper.)
Branch: (Pushing the Trolls away) EVERYBODY, STOP!!! This has gone way too far. I made up excises to get more alone time, but all this… it’s not worth it.
Timpani: Well, what other option is there?
Thistle: Yeah, Branch. Are you suggesting we just tell our friends that we would rather stay home?
Branch: Yes! They are our friends, right? We should trust them to understand. (The Trolls cheer for Branch and a banner saying that he learned something appears.) “Branch learned something”? (Poppy and Smidge appear while clapping their hands.) Poppy?
Poppy: You’re right, Branch. You should trust us.
Branch: You… set this all up?
Poppy: Indeed I did.
Smidge: We knew you were making excuses for a while, Branch. I mean, come on! “Mr. Glittercakes”? Oh, my Guh.
Branch: But… Thistle?
Dennis: I’m an actor. My real name’s Dennis. And… (He clears his throat and speaks in a Spanish accent.) … this is my real accent. (He takes out a cape.)
Branch: Hold on. You went all these lengths to teach me a lesson? You could have just talked to me.
Poppy: Fair point, Branch. (She and the crowd cheer with their eyes closed and a banner saying “Fair point” appears. Annoyed, Branch groans and does a face palm.)
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