PRESIDENTIAL HARASSMENT!: THE SEQUEL!

PRESIDENTIAL HARASSMENT!: THE SEQUEL! is the eighth episode of season four, and the thirty-fifth episode overall, of No Malarkey in Bikini Bottom. It premiered on January 27, 2021.
== Plot ==
Following the Capitol storming, the House seeks to impeach Mr. Trump a second time.
== Transcript ==
[The episode opens at Mr. Lobster’s House.]
Mr. Lobster: [lifting an anchor] AHHHHHH...FOR OUR PRESIDENT DONALD J. TRUUUUUUMP!!!!
Mrs. Lobster: Can you quiet down? The kids are sleeping!
Mr. Lobster: They need to hear my passion for OUR PRESIDENT—
Mrs. Lobster: Silence! I don’t know how this house can get any louder!
[Suddenly, the police raid the house.]
Police Officer: You there! Larry Lobster! You’re under arrest!
Mr. Lobster: What the hell are you guys doing?! I’m not a black lobster! [notices and takes off his black shorts and underwear] See? I’m a pure-blooded red lobster! [points at his dick]
Police Officer: Silence! You’re gonna spend a long time in jail!
Mr. Lobster: But you guys are on my side!
Police Officer: Sorry, Larry, either I arrest you or Biden will fire me! There’s no chance of Trump remaining in power after January 20.
Mr. Lobster: Oh yeah? Prepare to be be known in history for deserting the fight for OUR PRESIDENT—
[The police officer grabs a hold of Mr. Lobster, handcuffing him.]
Mr. Lobster: Ow! Oh, my boating arm! 
[The police officer then throws Mr. Lobster into a police van, where Mr. Pineapple can be seen.]
Mr. Pineapple: Quite disgraceful how we’re going to jail instead of the Fraud Squad!
[Cut to a House of Representatives session a few hours later.]
Mrs. Pelosi: After I asked the police to take action, they have arrested hundreds of the Capitol Hill stormers, including two of our colleagues.
Ms. Ocasio-Cortez: Have you asked them to arrest Trump?
Mrs. Pelosi: Nope.
Mr. Ocasio-Cortez: Why not? His actions led to the storming!
Mrs. Pelosi: He’s just so… [blushes] Anyways, I have to call someone. [steps out into a hallway and calls Mr. Trump]
Mr. Trump: [on the phone] Hello?
Mrs. Pelosi: It’s your soulmate calling.
Mr. Trump: Mmm...yes, you’re so delicious!
Mrs. Pelosi: Oh Donald, my colleagues have asked me to hold you accountable for trying to overthrow the government, but I’d never do that to my soulmate!
[Suddenly, Mr. Cuomo can be heard moaning on the phone.]
Mr. Trump: Governor, we may be from different parties, but your dick fits so well into my ass! [abruptly hangs up]
Mrs. Pelosi: Wait a minute...NO! [cries her way back to the chamber]
Ms. Ocasio-Cortez: What happened?
Mrs. Pelosi: [wipes her tears] I have changed my position on what to do with Trump.
Ms. Ocasio-Cortez: Great! Death penalty it is!
Mrs. Pelosi: Eh...I’d hate to see that sexy, sexy duck behind bars. Let’s just impeach him again.
Ms. Ocasio-Cortez: [rolls her eyes] Great.
Mrs. Pelosi: All in favor? I vote Yea.
Ms. Ocasio-Cortez: Yea.
Ms. Cheney: Yea. If this doesn’t stop him, I don’t know what will.
Ms. Ocasio-Cortez: Well, you could ask your dad to go hunting with him.
[Cut to BBTV Studios.]
Mr. Perkins: BREAKING NEWS! The House of Representatives has impeached President Trump for his role in the Capitol storming. This makes him the first president to be impeached twice. The Senate trial will happen shortly.
[Cut to the White House.]
Mr. Trump: I cannot believe I am being impeached again! PRESIDENTIAL HARASSMENT!
Mrs. McEnany: You really can’t believe it?
Mr. Trump: Indeed. What a relief, I thought I was gonna go to jail or something. But I’m only going to be impeached again, which means nothing, as the Senate still has my back.
[Cut to the Bikini Bottom Jail, where the TV is playing.]
Mr. Lobster: Oh no! OUR PRESIDENT DONALD J. TRUMP IS IN TROUBLE! I must prepare my defense speech!
Mr. Pineapple: Don’t bother, the prosecutor said we’ll be here for the next year! Trump would be busy fighting the impeachment, and there’s no way Biden would pardon us! We can kiss our political careers goodbye!
Mr. Lobster: Nope.
Mr. Pineapple: What?
[Mr. Lobster easily breaks down all the locked doors and defeats the guards, and walks out the front gate with all the other inmates.]
Mr. Lobster: Livin’...like...Larry.
[Cut to the Senate chamber.]
Mr. Roberts: We will now begin the Senate trial for the second impeachment of President Donald J. Trump. The prosecution and defense will argue on whether the president is guilty of incitement of insurrection, and then the Senators will vote to either convict or acquit him.
[Mr. Lobster breaks down the chamber door.]
Ms. Ocasio-Cortez: What are you doing here?
Mr. Lobster: Defending OUR PRESIDENT DONALD J. TRUMP from YOU RADICALS!
Mr. Roberts: The prosecution may now argue.
Ms. Ocasio-Cortez: There is nothing radical about holding this president accountable. For four long years, he has held our country in contempt. I can list many examples of him breaking the law, from tax dodging to obstruction of justice, but today we’re impeaching him for something all of us personally felt. He incited folks to damage this building and kill anyone who isn’t loyal to him. A destroyed Capitol and several deaths later, we’re here. As Perch Perkins said on the news this morning, if we don’t check his power now, many more tyrants will try to destroy Bikini Bottom in the future.
Mr. Schumer: Agreed. If you can’t admit that this president incited an erection, you obviously haven’t seen him during gray sweatpants season.
Mr. Roberts: The defense may now argue.
Mr. Lobster: What you are seeing on the news is all fake, paid actors. Trump knew years ago he would only be President for 4 years as planned. And the dead in the riots are all fake deaths. This is all planned to keep the masses entertained, confused, and divided. It's all such a joke. And this will also help keep people home while small businesses and mom & pop businesses go bankrupt. In other words, stay home and buy your stuff online, do not go out. Big businesses have everything you need.
Ms. Ocasio-Cortez: That makes no sense at all!
Mr. Lobster: The only thing that makes no sense is the HARASSMENT OF THE BEST PRESIDENT OF ALL TIME, THE SAVIOR OF THE NATION, THE GREAT WHITE HOPE, THE VOICE OF THE SILENT MAJORITY, THE—
Ms. Ocasio-Cortez: I’d like to see someone who isn’t a far-right conspiracy theorist try to argue why Trump should stay in office.
[Mr. Pineapple walks in.]
Ms. Ocasio-Cortez: Absolutely not!
Mr. Pineapple: But I’m not a far-right conspiracy theorist, I’m a far-left conspiracy theorist!
Ms. Ocasio-Cortez: You aren’t anywhere on the left!
Mr. Roberts: [repeatedly pounds gavel] ORDER IN THE COURT!
Ms. Ocasio-Cortez: Your Honor, these two are deranged lunatics!
Mr. Roberts: I was going to fuck some children with Squilliam Fancyson today, but because of this damn impeachment, I have to stay here listening to all this bickering! Mr. Pineapple, say what you have to say, and then the vote shall begin.
Mr. Pineapple: Thank you. Now, I know what you’re thinking, why would I ever defend him? Trump is probably the most imperialist president in Bikini Bottom history, perhaps exceeding Bush, and that’s a very high bar. That being said, he should not be convicted on the charge of incitement of insurrection. Is he guilty of it? Definitely. But should he be convicted and thus removed from office? No. Why? Because this is justified revenge! How many countries has the Bikini Bottom military stormed? Too many to count! Perhaps he should be out of office for other reasons, but not this! Bikini Bottomites finally know what it’s like to have their democratic institutions threatened by their leader! That is all.
Mr. Roberts: Let’s start the vote. Should the president be convicted of incitement of insurrection? Senator—
Mr. Lobster: ABSOLUTELY NOT!
Mr. Roberts: The vote is for Senators only. Senator Sasse?
Mr. Sasse: I vote to—
Mr. Lobster: RINO TRAITOR! [lifts an anchor] I AM GOING TO—
Mr. Roberts: ENOUGH! [grabs the anchor and throws it away] You be the judge, I’m outta here! [hands the gavel to Mr. Pineapple and leaves the chamber]
Mr. Pineapple: [grins] Sure thing, Chief!
[A few minutes of silence pass.]
Mr. Markey: Ahem.
Mr. Pineapple: What?
Mr. Markey: Ask for and record our votes, you damn fool!
Mr. Pineapple: Nope. [grabs the impeachment articles and the record of where the Senate trial votes should be placed and lights them on fire] This case no longer exists. [pounds gavel]
Mr. Markey: WHAT?!
Mr. Lobster: HOORAY! TAKE THAT, DEEP STATE!
Mr. Pineapple: Indeed. I’ll see you guys on Inauguration Day! [leaves the chamber]
[The episode ends as Mr. Markey desperately tries to put the fire out, to no avail.]