(S1) Chapter 17: That one part of the Odyssey

Papaya just stared into space. The entirety of his adventure was FAKE? Surely, at least error had to be real! Or king Funnyverse. He especially couldn’t bare the thought of Adam and Harrus, his two best friends, being fake. Papaya also pondered upon WHEN it had all been fake, if it had ever been. Was it when he first opened his eyes? Was it when he and Billy’s began? Or was it when-
“You alright there Papaya? Is something on your mind. Everyone else is asleep, and I’ve never seen you so….worried, from what it seems.” Papaya shook his head and waved his hand dismissingly. “Nah, just a tiny bit anxious for what HAM might have in store.” River frowned for a bit and turned back to the road. “Yeah…..me too.”
||| Let’s see how HAM fixes up his little trio this time |||
HAM looked at the pile of dust that was the murder time trio++. “Yeh gawda be fockin with mey. All dis powa gown ta waste?! Naw, fock tha’, ahma combine em inta one thing!” HAM summoned puff and slammed it into the pile of dust. The pile of dust began to reform into…wait, wtf is that? It was a skeleton that had no teeth and a wide ass smile. It has a buncha cracks on its skull and blood on its blue jacket. Damn, seems like he’s trying a little too hard to be scary.
“Huh? What am I?” The new creation asked. HAM just grinned. For some reason, he was proud of this creation. What was there to be proud about? Literally nothing. “Ahm gawn name yew unstable. Yer mah lackey.” Gasp, the memories conveniently- I mean magically returned! Unstable remembered everything! He especially remembered getting continuously DESTROYED by Billy and his crew. Unstable was enraged by this and summoned a weird battle axe. “I’M GONNA KICK THEIR ASS!” Unstable ran out of fauci’s mansion.
“Uh, mate, dew yew even knoe where they’re at?” Unstable halted. He had no idea where they were. Tf was he even doing? “If mah convenient pertag’nist finda iz currect, they’re on their way to GRRRRR town, which is roight down tha road.” Unstable nodded and sprinted off, waving his axe around maniacally. HAM frowned and scratched his head. “Hmmmm, maybe this wuzint such a gud oidea.”
||| How does this new creation fare off against the gang? |||
River turned right on the empty road. No one seemed to ever take these roads, he thought. He’d seen no other cars pass by. This place wasn’t even on the GPS, so River could only HOPE he was going in the right direction. Adam sat next to River, lifting some weights. In the back, Funnyverse and Papaya were playing Jenga. Behind them, Error, Chacha, and Billy were playing go fish. Suddenly, something jumped in front of the car. River slammed on the brakes, halting dababy car to a stop, but not before it had already hit whatever jumped in front of the car. Somehow, the Jenga tower didn’t knock over.
“What the hell was that?!” Asked Papaya. River shrugged and hopped out the car. He went around to the back and saw a really battered and beaten skeleton. Oh shit, it’s unstable. King Funnyverse also got out to see what it was. “Woah grandpa, what’s that?” River put an arm in front of Funnyverse to prevent him from going any farther. “I don’t know buddy, let me go check it out…” River approached the skeleton. He noticed a battle axe next to it, prompting him to take out his shotgun. Without warning, the skeleton sprung up and hurled his axe at River. River evaded it easily but was bonked in the head by it once it came back like a boomerang. How did it do this? Idk. It didn’t do much damage considering how amazingly DULL the blade was.
“YOU! YOU GUYS KILLED ME OVER AND OVER AND OV-“ Funnyverse wrapped a chain around unstable’s leg and yanked it. Unstable was roughly pulled towards Funnyverse, who just punched him in the face. Unstable then collapsed to the ground and fell apart like a dry bones. “You ok gramps?” River nodded. Unstable reassembled him like a dry bones too, getting right back up and picking up his axe. For some reason, the damage he took manifested as a slash across his chest despite it being a blow to the face. He looked really angry.
“GRRRRR, YOU MADE ME SUPER DUPER OMEGA REALLY ANGRY!!! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!!!!” Unstable summoned a barrage of spiky bones that he sent towards Funnyverse. Funnyverse just blocked the bones with a giant spade, then sent that same spade right at unstable. Unstable was unable to dodge the spade, so he got hit by it. The spade made him rocket off into the atmosphere in a flash. River just stood there for a bit before turning to Funnyverse.
“Wow. Thanks bud. I’ll buy you some Pokémon cards or somethin soon for that one. But for now, let’s hit the road again, shall we?” King Funnyverse nodded and hopped back into the car. He sat down and turned right back to his Jenga tower. A confused Papaya just looked at Funnyverse. “What…happened out there, Lancer?” Funnyverse Lancer just shrugged pulled out a block from the bottom of the tower.
||| I better cut to OPtale before I forget it |||
“Gee Ares, how long do you reckon this trip’ll take?” Ares shrugged and looked into the distance. “I’d say…..maybe about…..a few hours?” Hephaestus sighed and look at the surrounding ocean. He noticed a weird rock formation that split into two paths. “Hmmm…which way Papyrus?” Papyrus just stroked his chin. Something seemed awfully familiar about this place. “Hmmm…left?” Ares turned the ship left. They went through the path. On their left, there was a large, cavernous rock formation. They looked at it for a bit until they realized a lot of eyes staring back at them. Ares slowly began to pull out a spear from his coat.
“Oh…I thought this looked familiar. This is the crossway where sailors either have to face Scylla or Charybdis…and it seems Scylla is the route we unknowingly chose…” Suddenly, a weird, giant lady with snakes for legs came out of the cave. Ares took got in a fight position and pointed his spear at Scylla. “Finally, about time you two got here! Hades told me he wanted you two gone-pecan.” Hephaestus just gave Scylla a confused look. “Wouldn’t that be treason since you serve Poseidon?”
“Why should I care about what Poseidon has to say? It’s not like he’s done anything for us sea creatures. Fuckin Charybdis isn’t even getting paid for his job! The only reason I’m paid is because Poseidon simps for me.” Hephaestus just stepped back. “Ew, that’s disgusting. We look, we can help you out of these horrid circumstances for the small price of NOT killing us and NOT working for an evil god.” Scylla thought for a bit. It was a good offer.
“Hmmmm…nah, Hades’s offer was cooler.” One of Scylla’s snake-legs went to strike at Ares. Ares just stabbed it with his spear. “OW! MY LEG! MY FUCKIN LEG!” The other snakes struck the boat. Uh oh, the boat has holes on the side of it. The crew has to think fast now. Hephaestus pulled made a big, wooden hammer with pieces of the ship and whammed the snakes with it. Ares just impaled the remaining snake-legs with his spear.
“Last warning Scylla, leave us alone or you’re gonna die.” Scylla just growled and swiped at Ares. Ares jumped out of the way and summoned a thunderbolt. The thunderbolt killed Scylla because she’s a water type, and water type are weak to electric type moves. Yay they won- oh wait, the boat’s sinking. Uh oh. Hephaestus and Ares abandoned ship and jumped into the ocean where they then drowned.
Just kidding, these guys are literal gods. I’m pretty sure they can breathe underwater. “Alright Ares, I’ll fix up the boat. You- oh shit, it’s Charybdis.” A giant, worm-like fish with a sarlac type mouth slowly began swimming towards them. Ares took out his spear. “I’ll take care of lard ass, you fix up the boat.” Hephaestus nodded. Ares zinged toward Charybdis and smacked it with his spear.
Charybdis swiped Ares away with its tail and roared. This roar summoned a barrage of whirlpools. One sucked in Ares and began spinning him around rapidly. Ares looked and saw Charybdis approaching him, it’s mouth gaping wide open. Ares threw his spear at Charybdis, causing it to swim away in recoil, which made the whirlpools subside. Ares then raised his hands in the air and caused a lightning bolt to strike Charybdis. Charybdis then fell down to the ocean floor, presumably dead because it too is a water type lmao. I guess Harrus is getting those crits in today. Ares just looked at the massive fish for a bit then swam back to Hephaestus.
“Hey papyrus, you done- woooah, holy shit.” Ares looked up and saw a massive ship above him. To be exact, it was a pirate ship. Ares hopped onto the boat. It was HUGE. Hephaestus came out of a door, carrying the steering wheel. “Oh hey Harrus. I just finished the boat. Whatcha think?” Ares looked at the boat for a little while longer. It was really cool looking. It even had a skeletal crew playing sea shanties on it. “This is the coolest boat I’ve ever seen.” Hephaestus smiled and handed Ares a captain’s hat. “Well, we can’t sail these seas without a captain.” Ares grinned and put on the hat. This took him back to a time when him and Jasús used to pretend to be pirates. “Yargh, let’s set sail matey.”
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Hades Chara looked at the picture of “bobux” spamton then back at Dr Fauci spamton. “You look a little...different.” Fauciton was rapidly shaking until Hades shrugged, indicating that he didn’t care about the difference. “Yeah so listen, I got Ares and Hephaestus hot on my ass, and I need you to fend them off.” Fauciton nodded. “And how many [income]s will I get from you, mr [heat miser]?” Hades thought for a bit. “Howzabout I give ya 500 kromer-“
“KROMER?! I’LL TAKEYOUR [Specil offer for $3.99].” A grin crept across Hades’s face. “Excelennnnnnt. Well, it looks like this is where the chapter ends. I guess I get to end the chapter off with a cliche laugh again. Sorry HAM.” And so Hades laughed a long stupid laugh. “Wait, why isn’t the chapter over yet?” Fauciton pointed to the scene separator beneath this paragraph. “Son of a bitch.”
||| Cool Transition |||
River stopped at a gas station to tank up. “Hey Will, while fueling up the car, can you can ask for directions here?” Billy nodded and got out. Billy walked into the gas station and looked around. It was really gross. He even saw a few cockroaches scatter across the floor. Ew. “Hello sir, can I have directions for-“ the cashier turned around, looking extremely angry for seemingly no reason.
“GRRRR, IF YOU WANT DIRECTIONS, YOU HAVE TO BEAT THIS TOWN’S CHAMPION!!! GRRRRR!!!!” Billy just winced and scratched his head. “Why though? All I need is directions.” The cashier banged his fist on the counter and pointed at Billy. “GRRRRR, CAUSE THAT’S JUST HOW IT WORKS IN GRRRRR TOWN! GRRRRRR!!!” Billy sighed and walked out. “Yeah, fuck you too asshole.” River just finished tanking up and put the pump awag. “Hey, I heard shouting in there. Is everything ok?”
Billy shook his head. “No. Apparently we’re in a town that’s literally called GRRRR town. In order to get directions, we need to beat this town’s champion or something.” River scratched his head. “Well, it can’t be that hard, right?”
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Billy dodged a punch from SammyClassicSonicFan. “YOU FRICKIN FRICK!!” Billy sent a barrage of bones at Sammy, which he just blocked. Sammy used roar. Sammy’s attack increased sharply. “LIKE SONIC LIKE SONIC LIKE SONIC LIKE SONIC!!!” Sammy punched Billy in the face numerous times. Billy rubbed his face for a bit. “Ow. That actually kinda hurt.” Billy strung up Sammy and slammed him into the side of the arena. Before Sammy could get out, he spammed blasters at Sammy. Sammy fell to his knees, heavily damaged.
“RRRRGH, THIS IS…UNACCEPTABLE!!!” A red aura swirled around Sammy. He curled up into a ball like sonic and spin-dashed towards Billy. Billy sighed and blue-souled Sammy. He slammed him into the ground until he was bored. Sammy was completely annihilated. “Is this really your champion? SammyClassicSonicFan? Dude, there’s much angrier people you could have chosen as your champion. Anyways, can I have the directions now?”
Someone came into the arena and begrudgingly handed Billy a map. “GRRRR, TAKE IT AND FUCK OFF!!! GRRRRR!!!” Billy smiled and looked at his crew. They all smiled back at him. He then looked at the map. One or two more chapters and they’d finally be at the temple of Gad.
||| Let’s see what HAM thinks or unstable’s destruction |||
HAM rubbed his skull and sighed. “Fer fock’s sake, oi thought unstable’d be en’uff ta put up a foight against Billy and his crew. Guess nawt. So whot now Jerma?” Jerma stroked his chin. “How about we give him a massive buff and-“ a lightbulb suddenly appeared above HAM’s head. “Wait, woi dun’t we revoive Unstable as a goint spoida munsta??” Jerma sighed. “Yeah yeah, whatever boss.” HAM summoned another puff and slammed it into the pile dust. The dust then began to reform as a giant, skeletal spider thing. It let out a high pitch screech.
“Uh HAM, that’s the skeleton spider from Castlevania but with a scorpion tail….” HAM began laughing maniacally. “HAW HAW HAW HAW HAWWWW! AH KNOE, ROIGHT?! IT LOOKZ EPIIIIIIC!!!” Jerma facepalmed. “Well look, boss, this chapter’s been long enough. I think it’s about time we end it off.” HAM sighed and turned away from Unstable 2.0. “Yeh yeh, alroight. Ahem. Ahahahahaha! AHAHAHAHA! AHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWWWWW!!!”
The spider also started doing a weird, hiss-like laugh. Jerma didn’t bother laughing. He was just annoyed with how stupid HAM’s plans were.
Category:Season 1
Category:Episodes
Category:Canon
Category:Story
Category:Written by Cliche