Ristarblem: Genology of the Gay War

== RISTARBLEM: GENOLOGY OF THE GAY WAR ==
== PLOT ==
After Ristar took down the drug cartels in Ristar 7 the 2 halfs of the universe now are in control of Dark Ristar and Ristar alongside him being Harribo. Suddenly a Red Ristar starts showing up around both halfs seemingly telling people to prepare for war, a plan that Dark Ristar had only disclosed to his closest ally left alive, himself. Sparking Ristar's intrest and begins to start an army to take over the half of the universe. The player can chose to either join Ristar or Dark Ristar and help them take over the other in tactical turn based rpg combat. both sides having different story plots and forms of units and magic attacks. At the end depending on who the player chose to side with each ending is similar to eachother. Both ending in a cliffhanger for the next game in universe 1. Although it is said that Ristar's ending is canon.
== Ristar's Army ==
Ristar's army has more healing and speed based units having high amounts of Straight, water, light, cool, and basketball magic. The strategy for Ristar's army is hit and run tactics with most of the magic having decent range and high damage. The units in Ristar's army are. Hetero knight, Palastar, Warzard, Shadesmcgee, Christian, Shot master, Rhino rider, Rhino shooter, Badass, AK-47 water gunner, Shooting star, Flying pisser, Dribble ganny's, Pro-vaxer, Beer meister, and Axe body spaz.
== Dark Ristar's Army ==
Dark Ristar's army has more damage and HP based units with long range weapons. Gay, Fire, Electricity, Dark, Crystal, And Gem magic. The strategy for Dark Ristar's army is to brute force most foes attacking with the very long range magic to chip damage the enemy to strike with throwing weapons. Dark Ristar's units are. Gay archer, Armoured arsenist, Chancelor, Unzipper, Crack addict, Pawn star, Hedghog thrower, Duck hunter, Flasher, Flame war initiator, Women hater, Underground furry, Chem lab luo, Anti-vaxer, Wine wizard, and Gem gouger.
== Gameplay ==
Ristarblem, like the name as gameplay near identical to fire emblem except for magic and some weapons can travel further and healing staffs do not break. When you chose either Ristar or Dark Ristar you play as them fighting in their enemys half of the universe after the first few missions on the closest to the universe split planets to fight back the invading side. Ristar's path having more deafeat all enemys/boss missions. While Dark Ristar has more capture the flag, and ambush type maps.
== Script ==
*cutting between Ristar and Dark Ristar talking to their closest allies*
Ristar: Fellow straight dudes, we have found out that Dark Ristar plans-
Dark Ristar: WAR how do they know? how did it get out, i only told myself that i was planning to start war?
Ristar: We have roused the army to take down Dark Ristar and are getting new recruits everyday now.
Harribo: What are gonna do while the troops fight?
Dark Ristar: I have hired a tactician to lead the army while i practice gay fencing to kill Ristar in a surprise fencing match when i win.
Ristar: This tactician is pretty fooking skilled if i say so myself and while he does that im gonna vist some fast food places maybe get a burger watch from up here im kinda tired and not feelin it today.
Harribo: You think i could get a baconator with some of that new sauce they've been making its really good stuff.
Ristar: That kinda powdery white sauce?
Harribo: Yeah im not gonna have it much though cause some people been going crazy over it so i don't want to lower stock.
Dark Ristar: Yes i will get that, but for now i have a plan to make sure that Ristar cannot beat me, i'll give that tactician a anti-straight crystal in his back pocket, which will explode when they get near Ristar, i may not have alot of time to Fence him before he's-
Ristar: Stripped beef burgers for you, and a large-
Dark Ristar: FRIES! man i want some fucking fries right now but if i slack on my lessons im gonna get shoddy.
Ristar: Any questions?
Harribo: No the burgers is all i got
Radical Red Ristar: Nothing here
Ristar: Woah when did you get here?
RRR: It doesn't matter but for right now im with you, besides its better we get to know eachother now before we get to the past weve shared.
Ristar: mkay then i guess its time to get that tactician.
Ristar and Dark Ristar:But before that Everyone ready?
Everyone near Ristar: Huzzah!
Everyone near Dark Ristar: (nothing)
Dark Ristar: (looking around) oh right im talking to myself.
== Dark Ristar Ending ==
Dark Ristar: (walking in) OH boy this is a day ive been preparing for by myself a good while!
Ristar: Dammit Dark Ristar i thought for sure my troops would be able to kill you here.
Dark Ristar: Oh you poor fool you seem to havn't noticed your troops eratic behavoir.
Ristar: Of course ive noticed i just thought they were scared to die!
Dark Ristar: No no its the food you damn idiot.
Ristar: What?
Dark Ristar: While you were racing to destroy drugs i was buying those drugs and sending in spies to poison the food supply with crystal meth making all your army pretty much unstable rabid crack heads.
Ristar: But how did i never notice?
Dark Ristar: Im surprised you didn't the only way i could see you never finding out by now is if you simply never left your castle the whole attack.
Ristar: FUCK
Dark Ristar: Lucky for me i was more prepared (draws out sword) Haha enough talk Have at YOU!
(RUMbLE)
Dark Ristar: oh no not now. (starts running away)
(Anti-straight crystal explodes destroying the top of the Ristar castle)
Harribo: Oh god oh fuck, theres rubble everywhere wheres Ristar?
Ristar: Ough ack (pushes away rubble) im here im here
Harribo: Goddamn dude you look like you got blasted with a gay ray!
Ristar: Pretty much
Harribo: Wait a minute whats that? (points to near destroyed body of the player character)
Ristar: It was Dark Ristar's tactician i guess he never knew he had a bomb on him...
Harribo:...
(at Dark Ristars castle)
Dark Ristar: Of course he fucking survived, i should have stabbed him and ran like a gay usain bolt first. But it's fine it'll take him forever to get all the drugs out, all i have to do is prepare some levels for him to travel through next time he tries to kill me.
*end*
== Ristar's Ending ==
Ristar: OHohohohohohoho OHOHOHOHH man oh MAN have i been waiting this out.
Dark Ristar: Damn you Ristar but don't think i havn't a plan incase you drew near.
(rumble)
Harribo: There that tactician's like lookin ass is glowing... just how i like it (eats Dark Ristar's tacitian)
Dark Ristar: oh fuck ok now i don't have a backup plan
Ristar: Oh baby i know (grabs dark ristar)
Dark Ristar: Whoah PUT ME DOWN
Ristar: (goes near Dark Ristars face) Come and SLAM (dunks dark ristar into the ground)
Dark Ristar: ACK my my face! it hurts now! you fool you will pay!
Ristar: sure i-
(dark ristar shoots a gayrald powered gay beam)
Ristar: AhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (flies out of orbit)
Harribo: Oh shit (runs away)
Dark Ristar: ough with all my forces gone and HP pretty low i gotta find a way to hide... (walks off)
*end*
== Trivia ==
In the secrect Ristar chapter Layers of the gaygeon. If you beat the level in 4 turns you can unlock Ghost in a jar's cage and gain them as a unit they can become either a Shooting star or a flying pisser.
During the 2nd to last Dark Ristar chapter Around the hetero fort. If you attack a hidden wall behind the castle exterior you can unlock a room with a chest containing a emotion ray which can be equiped by Duck Hunters.
Radical Red Ristar can join the player if no units die untill the 4th to last chapter on either side of the war.
Radical Red Ristar does not appear in Dark Ristar's ending only showing up in Ristar's fleeing the castle with Harribo.
If you insert the konami code the Flying piss pisses blood.
In every secrect chapter in Ristar's campain you can unlock a Multiverse Ristar from Ristar: 3 if you beat it without losing any of your army.
Instead for Dark Ristar's campain you will get a Sonic character.
Dark Ristar is gay
Category:Games