Bidonic Ascent

The Bidonic Ascent was the historical term for the period of time from roughly 2 BB to 10AB, when Joe Biden maneuvered (or was made to maneuver) his way from MTO Veteran cardholder to Supreme Emperor of the Omniverse in just a few short years. 
== 2 BB ==
As the Great META War raged on across the Earth, tensions were reaching a breaking point. The Combine Army was desperately throwing troops at the major centers of human civilization in North America and Asia. Washington DC faced a growing orbital bombardment problem, despite the best efforts of the administration of president and Magarra incarnate, Donald J. Trump.
Behind the scenes, hidden forces were most displeased with the failures of the MAGA King. The country had lost significant territory, with the Combine annexing large swaths of Oregon and Washington state. The Red Corporate Interests Party and Blue Corporate Interests Party bickered constantly, blaming the ongoing conflict on one another repeatedly, and failing to do anything constructive to help the wartorn republic they lived in. 
Congress had become ineffective; a bloated, symbolic machine which served only to stop itself from functioning. The Great MAGA King was an archaic embodiment of the failures of America- a relic of a long bygone era, who some believed to be restrained by his inhumanity (a curse suffered by all pre-humanic peoples on Earth before the gifts of Prometheus). 
As the 2020 Election loomed on the horizon, hidden agents sought a return to American normalcy. The Chairman of the Board of Waifuria, The Mummy, was determined to be the prime candidate for this venture- boring, uncontroversial, and completely brainrotten. The CIA had been exploiting and using for fifty years (various reasons, including [MK-REDACT]. They secretly paid off every major Blue Corporate Interests Party candidate to drop out of the race, and propped Joe Biden up as the sole candidate to run against the MAGA King. 
== 1 BB ==
The two quickly began firing insults at one another on live television, as both of their campaigns began ramping up. The Great MAGA King began holding 'MAGAMOON' Rallies on the surface of Earth's Moon, which drew tens of thousands of intergalactic spectators. Mummy held several zoom Meetings, and also authorized the MTO Construction Crew to begin construction a gigantic supersentient space station (he did this without departmental approval). 
When the Great META War was finally ended, thanks to the help of nobody special and his Gigamagnet, the Great MAGA King, taking all the credit, recieved a significant boost in polling, pitting the two ancient deities against one another. A months-long period of intense campaigning began here. 
== 0 AB ==
Several mysterious anomalous events occurred during this period of campaigning, not the least of which was the introduction of the Combine-19 Virus into the United States of America. This lethal virus quickly spread across the world, causing significant damage to the global economy and shutting down most facets of every day life (much to the dismay of the Americans, who continued on with business as usual, until they were disabled or killed by the disease they called a 'hoax'.)
Additionally, G-Man (Timefracture Alpha) learned how to use a smartphone, and began posting ominous threats towards the United States government on his page @mr.gman.in.the.flesh. His post where he claimed 'you have no idea what is coming in January' would later be used as evidence against him in court, but more on that later. 
Joe Biden, still sitting as Chairman of the Board, and Donald Trump, the sitting president, effectively delegated most of their duties to underlings as they fought vigorously and traveled across the Earth-Moon system campaigning. This led to a period of litigious anarchy where laws with horrendous errors were passed, such as 
The MAGA King and Mummy had several intense debates during the period of the 2020 Election. Ultimately, Joe Biden won the election, despite the many grievances of the Magarra Incarnate, who contested (to no avail) the election results in all 48 states. 
== 1 AB ==
1 AB began rather violently. The Great MAGA King, unwilling, or unable, to accept the results of the 2020 Election, staged an insurrection on the United States Capitol, staffed largely of Dark MAGA and G-Anon conspirators. Using stolen Combine equipment, they invaded the Capitol lawn, and began blasting holes in the walls of congress. Despite the valiant efforts of people inside such as Nancy Baloney, many people perished in this attack, and the Capitol Building was severely damaged.
Following this, Joe Biden, then Board of Waifuria Chairman, summoned The Great MAGA King to the Albuquerque Glue Factory, where the two began negotiating a peace treaty; however, this failed ultimately with the arrival of G-Man and Keith Cumshoes, which culminated in the tragic Glue Factory Incident. 
After consuming the Magarrish Quintessence of Donald J. Trump, Joe Biden had officially cleared his path of any obstacles that might stand in his way. He moved to the White House for several days, before officially relocating the United States' base of operations to Memphis, Tennessee, in the Waifurian Bass Pro Shop Pyramid. 
This sparked outrage among critics, as well as the few prominent politicians who had survived the calamitous Capitol events, who slammed Biden for 'grabbing power' and 'taking advantage of nation's instability'. In response, a designated MTO Task Force was deployed to the homes of these naysayers, and they were made to comply with President Biden. 
On January 31st, 1 AB, Joe Biden officially declared the United States would reform into a 'Great North American Overlorddom', in a move which shocked and outraged many across the world. The Mummy was decried as being a 'harbinger of destruction' and the 'slaughterer of Democracy', by individuals such as Mohammad Rajab Wali and the J-Man. 
Many in America actually supported this decision, and celebrated Joe Biden's claims of the 'American Corrective Mandate', which he declared required him to "bend the nations of America to his will." 
== 2 AB ==
On march 16th, 2 AB, Joe Biden officially declared the sovereign nation of Jacksonville Florida a part of the newly-formed North American Overlorddom, after consulting with exactly zero leaders from this country. Overlorddish forces were moved into Jacksonville Florida, and it was quickly conquered, as the country's longtime ruler, Perry, hadn't bothered to form a military or police force of any kind. 
== 3 AB ==
On March 8th. 3 AB, the North American Overlord ordered a full-scale nuclear strike on the nation of Mexico, decimating the entire infrastructure of the former Combine satellite state. Eighteen cities were totally obliterated, and City 9 (formerly Chihauhua, Mexico), was the only one spared. The crumbling government left behind in the wake of former Mexican Representative to the Board, The G-Man, decided the best thing to do for the Mexican people would be to give in to the North American Overlorddom, which they did. 
== 4 AB ==
With the completion of the supersentient space station, which was dubbed 'Waifuria Prime' by Joe Biden's Advisor, the North American Overlord began expanding his conquests into the cosmos- in a move which would spell certain destruction for the Omniverse. 
In April, despite incessant calls for caution from the United Nations, Overlord Biden decided it would be a Grand idea to send the top weather scientists on Earth to study the gravitational anomaly located over Australia, the dreaded, despicable, disastrous Downward Spiral. This resulted in over 700 of the world’s greatest minds being lost to the Downward Spiral. 
While this massive loss of live was incredibly unfortunate on its own right, it would prove doubly as tragic as the climate swung completely out of control in the coming years, with no scientists alive to provide guidance or explanations to the unprecedented weather changes of the Grand Freeze. Some described this as Unforeseen Consequences for the rotten-minded Mummy, 
In the absence of any educated professionals, Joe Biden installed himself as the Chief Weather Scientist of America, despite having zero understanding of climate sciences whatsoever. This was one of many incidents of the Mummy seizing more and more power in the years building up to his Imperial Coronation. 
== 5 AB ==
In 5 AB, Biden introduced to the United Nations his rotten Aftertimes Initiative, which aimed to 'warm the Earth'. Biden's brainrotten "observations" as Chief Weather Scientist had led him to conclude that the Earth needed to be 'warmed up'. This can be assumed to have been entirely due to the heaters going offline temporarily in the Bass Pro Shop Pyramid, which he was incredibly displeased with. Little did Mummy know, the Earth would need a whole lot more than a 'warm-up' within the next year. 
== 6 AB ==
6 AB was a big year for Mummy. With Waifuria Prime fully operational, he had begun to quest out into the Omniverse in search of 'friends' (his national security advisors translated this to 'Conquering the Galaxy). Mummy, of course, blundered, as per usual, and his first interplanetary interaction was a PR disaster when he slaughtered the entire ecosystem of Shallberry Grannlope in a freak accident. 
Later that year, the entire Earth fell into a long-predicted-but-ignored climate catastrophe, in the Grand Freeze, which sent the global economy spiraling into a state of disrepair. This would, of course, be rectified, but Biden suffered from catastrophically low Overlorddic approval ratings during this time of famine and mass suffering (lower than 80%). 
Interestingly, Mummy never publicly acknowledged this, and instead continued on blundering forward on his Aftertimes Initiative (which, admittedly, did aim to warm the Earth), working tirelessly to form a committee to investigate the Lithuanian Polyphony Theory. 
== 7 AB ==
In 7 AB, Canada was incorporated into the Waifurian Empire following the events of the Desolation of Ottawa. Also this year, Joe Biden's primary advisor and Puppeteer, James Fargo, struck up a rotten deal with Mummy. His company, J.F. Sweets, had been developing technology to undo the effects of the Great Freeze; however, James Fargo required a small indulgence on Mummy's part- 50% (secret) ownership of the North American Overlorddom. Mummy brainrottenly agreed to this, while picking his nose. With that, the last sliver of integrity left in the former United States had been eliminated, and it became a true power apparatus, operating solely performing the wishes of J.F. Sweets and other American lobbyists. 
== 8 AB ==
In 8 AB, still Chairman of the Board, Joe Biden called an emergency meeting of the Board of Waifuria (which had not convened in nearly seven years). At this meeting, J.F. Sweets Superpredators kidnapped and removed all of the other Board members from the room besides Mummy. Joe Biden then called to a vote a single item- "Granting of Total Unilateral Authority to the Board Chairman". 
Joe Biden then voted yes on this, and, with no dissenters left in the room, he was granted total control over all nations of the Board of Waifuria, and then promptly dissolved the centuries-old institution while eating a pint of Chocolate chocolate chip ice cream. 
With this, Joe Biden had total unilateral control over the United States, Canada, Mexico, and Jacksonville Florida. He began assembling a Grand Army several million strong of soldiers from across these countries. Even those who applied to this military had no idea what they were signing up for. 
== 9 AB ==
9 AB was relatively uneventful for Mummy; he spent much of his time in the Bass Pro Shop Pyramid eating ice cream and playing hologolf. For nearly nine months, he was not seen in public. It was speculated that he had fallen deathly ill by the public; however, this was wishful thinking. Mummy still had millenia to go. 
In truth, he was feeling drained and low on energy, as the Magarrish spirit deep in his bowels began speaking to him and moving around in his stomach. Mummy's energy was beginning to be drained by Donald J. Trump, who's soul lived on within the confines of his Glue Form chest cavity. 
== 10 AB ==
Excersizing his total control over the continent, Joe Biden crowned himself Emperor at his Imperial Coronation in early 10 AB, reforming the North American Overlorddom into the 'Waifurian Empire'. This was a dark day for the Omniverse. 
Several weeks later, Donald Trump successfully breached Mummy's body, in the events of the Dark MAGA Bass Pro Shop Pyramid Riot. After the Grand Nihilanth gathered all of the Dark MAGA Acolytes, Trump was quelled, and Biden was stitched back together. 
He needed rest after this tumultous transaction- but he had succeeded in his (or his Advisor's) conquest, and had become an immortal, impenetrably brainless Emperor- for whom the Omniverse hung in the balance... for now. 
Category:Events