Help

Help is the fifteenth episode of SpongeBob n' Stuff and the fourth episode of season two.
== Synopsis ==
Simply just a re-dub of the SpongeBob SquarePants pilot episode, Help Wanted, made for April Fools day.
==Transcript==
[The episode opens with a bubble transition, and we see a coral reef under the sea. The camera zooms to initiate parallax scrolling, which reveals the city of Bikini Bottom. It continues zooming to show a brown rock, a Moai head, and a pineapple, which each contain inhabitants]
◾French Narrator: Welcome to Bikini Bottom, yes, I know that name is hilarious but after thinking about it it makes more sense than any other name. [Shows from left to right Patrick's, Squidward's, and SpongeBob's houses. Zooms in on SpongeBob's house] This is the house of the world-famous SpongeBob SquarePants. (sigh) I guess the writers couldn't think of a better home for this atrocity.[SpongeBob's alarm sounds; he wakes, but is unaffected by the annoying sound, and with a smile turns it off. He climbs from his bed to a ladder leading to his diving board]
◾SpongeBob: Today's finally arrived! [Jumps on the diving board] I'm- [Jumps up, and leaves his underwear behind] nude! No idea why I'm so proud of it though. [Lands inside pants, walks over to exercise room. His head pops out of the top of his pants] Gotta go fast! [He goes inside his small gym that has a sign that says, "Temmie is a Lie". Taking deep breaths, he prepares to lift a barbell that is balanced by two lightweight stuffed animals. He sticks out his chest, but almost passes out because he can barely lift it. He drops it, and it makes a 'squeak' noise] I'm ready! [Runs outside] I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready! [Patrick Star's rock tilts upwards with Patrick stuck to its underside]
◾Patrick: Someone's protesting. [Patrick falls] Whoa! [Crash!]
◾SpongeBob: [Runs down the street to the Krusty Krab] There it is, the famous poop bag. It's been years since I've tried to get a better job and it's finally come to being a fry cook, and out of EVERY OTHER OPTION! I guess I'll have to look t Krabs in the eye, [breaks the fourth wall and looks the audience in the eye] tell him my misfortune and- THIS IS SO EMBARRASING! [He starts to run home but Patrick stops him] Uh, Patrick!
◾Patrick: Coward.
◾SpongeBob: I was just...
◾Patrick: No you're not. You've been a nuisance all your life and you're gonna get the job you deserve! ◾SpongeBob: I can't, don't you see? I'm not good enough!
◾Patrick: Whose first words were 'I'm a loser'?
◾SpongeBob: Mine were.
◾Patrick: Who dropped out of nursery because you weren't potty trained?
◾SpongeBob: I did.
◾Patrick: [Grimaces and contorts twice while trying to come up with a good third line] Who's a, uh who's uhh. oh! who's a big yellow cube with holes?
◾SpongeBob: I am!
◾Patrick: Who's ready?
◾SpongeBob: I'm ready!
◾Patrick: Who's ready?
◾SpongeBob: I'm ready!
◾Patrick: Who's ready?
◾SpongeBob: I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! [Runs toward the Krusty Krab]
◾Squidward: [Cleaning graffiti of himself with the word Loser, sees SpongeBob, and sighs] Oh no, SpongeBob. What could he possibly want?
◾SpongeBob: [In background, at first while Squidward was talking] I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! Go SpongeBob! Go SpongeBob! Go SpongeBob! Go self! [Squidward looks at the Help Wanted sign and runs inside]
◾Squidward: [While SpongeBob says, "I'm ready" one more time in the background] Oh (censored)! [Cuts to the ordering window, where Mr. Krabs is happily sniffing a handful of money. Squidward runs up to him] Hard times are coming, Eugene! It's the apocalypse! [interrupted by SpongeBob]
◾SpongeBob: Permission to come aboard, captain! [deep voice] My misfortune has finally hit be and I'm a failure and must work here! [normal voice] And now I'm ready. [SpongeBob trips on a nail stuck in the floorboard. His fall causes him to bounce against the ceiling, SpongeBob shouts and blurts incomprehensibly while his bounces and ricochets around the building accelerate. He then rolls to a stop at the feet of Squidward and Mr. Krabs] So, uh, when do I start?
◾Mr. Krabs: Well, you certainly are a failure.
◾SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, please. Ill prove I'm fry cook material. Ask Squidward, he'll vouch for me. [Mr. Krabs and Squidward quickly walk away from SpongeBob]
◾Squidward: [deep breath] Hell no! [Mr. Krabs winks. They head back to SpongeBob]
◾Mr. Krabs: Well lad, well give you a test, and if you pass, you'll be on the Krusty Krew! Go out and fetch me... [SpongeBob takes out a notepad] a, uh, hydrodynamic spatula... [SpongeBob quickly jots down what he says] with, um, port-and-starboard-attachments, [more scribbling] and, uh... turbo drive! [more scribbling] And don't come back till you get one! [Mr. Krabs puts a Krusty Krab crew hat on SpongeBob. SpongeBob sees how he looks in a mirror, there are sparkles on his hat, and he has a huge, satisfied smile]
◾SpongeBob: [saluting Krabs] Well, it'll be worth it. [reading] One hydrodynamic spatula, with port-and-starboard attachments, turbo drive, coming right up, bag!
◾Mr. Krabs: Carry on! [SpongeBob leaves] We'll never see that (censored) again.
◾Squidward: You're terrible! A hydro-what? [Squidward and Mr. Krabs laugh. While Squidward laughs, his nose moves distinctly while he inhales and exhales. Krabs laugh sounds like a pirate. As they laugh, SpongeBob is shown leaving the Krusty Krab. As SpongeBob fades out of sight, five buses drive toward the Krusty Krab from the opposite direction]
◾Bus Driver: Hey, hey! This is bus! [The buses surround the Krusty Krab and the doors open, Mr. Krabs stops laughing]
◾Mr. Krabs: That sounded like hatch doors! [sniffs repeatedly] Do you smell it? That smell. A kind of smelly smell. A smelly smell that smells smelly. [bulgy eyes] (censored).
◾Squidward: What?
◾Mr. Krabs: (censored) [Anchovies get out of the buses and rush inside the Krusty Krab, crowding, repeating the word "meep" over and over again]
◾Squidward: Hey, hey, this is restraunt! [anchovies stop talking] Is this any way to behave, hmmm?
◾Anchovy: Yes.
◾Squidward: Could we order like regular people? [The anchovies are quiet at first, then pick up the boat, as their cries of "meep!" become more intense. Cut to Barg'N-Mart as SpongeBob enters]
◾SpongeBob: [singing to himself] PoundLand, meeting all your- (laughs) meet. [Cuts to the Krusty Krab. Squidward and Mr. Krabs are still in the boat, and being tossed around]
◾Mr. Krabs: THAT WAS ACTUALLY QUITE OFFENSIVE!
◾Squidward: One single file line was all I asked!
◾Mr. Krabs: Whoa! Calm the (censored) down, Mr. Squidward. [Mr. Krabs and Squidward are thrown up in the air] The apocalypse really is here, Mr. Squidward! [they get thrown back up again] We shall not pass, Mr Squidward! [cuts to Barg'N-Mart]
◾SpongeBob: [singing] Do do do do do do, spatula, spatula, port-and-starboard attachments. [Cuts to the Krusty Krab]
◾Squidward: ALLAHU AKBA! ◾Mr. Krabs: MAN OVERBOARD! Climb, Mr. Squidward! Climb! [They climb the mast, while the anchovies try to get them down. The anchovies then form a big wave]
◾Anchovies: Meep! Meep!
◾Mr. Krabs: This is the end! (cut to title card saying 'The End' then quickly cuts back)
◾Squidward: Oh (censored)! [They cry, then SpongeBob comes in with red lights flashing and flying with the spatula]
◾SpongeBob: May I take your order? (says 'da' to the tune of 'We Are Number One') Did someone order a spatula? [Squidward and Mr. Krabs are shocked] That's right! One hydrodynamic spatula with [two spatulas pop out on the sides of the previous one] port-and-starboard attachments, and lets not forget the turbo drive! [the two extending spatulas twirl around and smack Squidward and Mr. Krabs in the face] Would you believe they only had one in stock? To the kitchen! [to the anchovies] Who's hungry?! [Nyan Cat plays while SpongeBob serves up Krabby Patty after Krabby Patty. Many, many, many Krabby Patties are launched through the opening window to the hungry anchovies. Eventually, all of the anchovies are served and they leave on the buses. Cuts to later]
◾Mr. Krabs: That was the (censored) fast foodsmanship I've ever seen, failure! Welcome aboard! [Mr. Krabs gives SpongeBob a name tag]
◾Squidward: (censored)!
◾Mr. Krabs: Three cheers for SpongeBob! Hip-hip!
◾Squidward: [weakly] Hooray, (censored)!
◾Mr. Krabs: Hip-hip!
◾Squidward: [quickly] Hooray,
◾Mr. Krabs: Hip-hip!
◾Squidward: [quickly] Hooray. (censored) ! ◾Mr. Krabs: I'll be in my office, flirting with me money. [He wheels a wheelbarrow piled with an enormous stack of cash to his office. Patrick enters]
◾Patrick: Good morning, failures!
◾Squidward: What would you like to order, Patrick?
◾Patrick: I'll have two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, and a large soda. [SpongeBob flies back to the kitchen using his spatula and a score of Krabby Patties is immediately fired through the servery, which collide with Patrick and send him flying out of the Krusty Krab. Cuts to Krusty Krab exterior; crashing noises]
◾Patrick: [screams]
◾Squidward: Mr. Krabs! Mr. KRABS! [calmly and singing] Mr. Krabs, come see your new (censored)!
==Secret Message==
Θα έχω δύο αριθμό εννιάρια...
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