Saving Bikini Bottom: The Sandy Cheeks Movie/Transcript

* [The logo of the movie is shown over a shot of Sandy's treedome. A drain in the treedome's entrance shoots out water, which fills the entrance. An alarm blares as a light turns from red to green, and the door opens to reveal Sandy.]
* Sandy: [cheering] Yee-haw! Good [jumps] morning, Bikini Bottom!
* Man: [off-screen] Go get 'em, Sandy!
* Lady: Good morning, Sandy!
* Man #2: Pipe down!
* Man #3: I'm trying to sleep!
* Man #4: Oh, she's exuberant, I can say that.
* Sandy: [laughs, waves arm] You sleepyheads. The early squirrel gets the acorn. [puts her hand in her helmet to whistle] Here, Sparky, Sparky, Sparky!
* Sparky: [gallops to Sandy, jumps and neighs, then pants]
* Sandy: [laughs] Time for our daily roundup. We got a lot of data to collect.
* Sparky: [neighs, a robot arm from inside his saddle hands Sandy a guitar, which she grabs]
* Sandy: [laughs, mounts Sparky] Whoo-hoo!
* Sparky: [neighs]
* Sandy: [laughs]
* [A compartment opens in Sparky's body.]
* Sparky: [neighs, puts a cowgirl hat onto Sandy]
* Sandy: ♪ Well, all my neighbors know my name is Sandy Cheeks. ♪
* Sparky: [snorts]
* Sandy: ♪ Born and raised in [pushes a red button on Sparky, which activates a hologram of a green Texas with a heart in the middle labeled "TEXAS"] Texas, y'all, it's plain to see. [SpongeBob rides by in a bike, and she picks him up to scan him] My speciality is marine biology. [the scanner stops] So I knew Bikini Bottom was a [presses a button on the scanner to show SpongeBob's data] place for me. [cut to her dancing along with other Bikini Bottomites] Hee-hee-hee-here's [camera zooms out] a place for me. [appears with her friends at the Krusty Krab, and they all dance around] Yoo-hoo! I'm like a fish out of water, [squeezes a droplet into a machine, which displays "100%", then "DELICIOUS!"] and it might seem strange, [everyone exits the Krusty Krab] but I if I ain't all that different from [Mr. Krabs, with dollar signs in his eyes, leaps out, leaving a dollar trail] ridin' the range. [juggling urchins] Researchin' all the urchins, [appears on Sparky again] making gadgets is my game. I saddle up 'cause [uses a wrench on Sparky] I love doing [appears at a laboratory] science every day. [the chemicals spread into the air to create colorful clouds that spell out "SCIENCE"; appears on Sparky dancing with her friends again] Hey, hey-hey, hey! She's busy doing science [Plankton laughs and gets crushed by Fred] every day! [with SpongeBob and Patrick] Yoo-hoo!
* SpongeBob and Patrick: [laugh]
* Sandy: ♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh, [writes equations in the air with green chalk] I'm doin' science every day. [lady fish are seen dancing] Ooh-ooh-ooh, [appears again with Sparky and her friends] this squirrel is leadin' the way.
* Mr. Krabs: [laughs]
* Sandy: There ain't no denyin', I love doing science every day.
* SpongeBob: [with a Goofy Goober guitar, moving side to side] Yip, yip, yip, yip, yip!
* Sandy: ♪ Well, nothin' else [a machine, seen attached to Sparky, reads "BIKINI BOTTOM PERIMETER; 8'00"] matters when you're out here collecting data, and the [measures seaweed with a hologram measuring machine] seaweed is swayin' [the machine uploads data] your way. No, there ain't nothin' [looks at tube corals through a telescope, and the corals shoot out money] better than finding scientific treasure, [SpongeBob and Patrick bump their butts into Squidward] to keep this girl happy at the end of the day. [SpongeBob and Patrick dance, and Sandy leaves; the song turns somber as Sandy is seen on Sparky, this time alone] You can bet your Bikini Bottom dollar it's great, but sometimes I get lonesome for the Lone Star State, so when I leave this old poor reef and depart, [camera zooms out to reveal clams and jellyfish making shapes resembling Texas] flying to make I might've grown in all up to the top, for Texas, you have my [slides off of Sparky as fireworks go off] heart. ♪ [Sparky catches her guitar, and the hologram of Texas is displayed again]
* [SpongeBob comes out of his house with a jellyfishing net and a toy jellyfish, spinning to Sandy.]
* SpongeBob: Good morning, Sandy. Haven't seen you in a while. [laughs]
* Sparky: [he and Sandy look at each other, snorts]
* SpongeBob: In your absence, I've gained some mad skills. Observe. [flings the net] Throw it up, and-- [the toy jellyfish hits his face and knocks him down] Ow. Wait, heh, heh. Stand by for my learning curve. [pulls the toy off from his face, then frustratedly swings around the net with the toy jellyfish]
* Sandy: Aw, chill long enough, and you can crack any nut.]
* SpongeBob: [stops playing] Absolutely! Fast and steady wins the race. [spins in the air and fails to catch the toy] Fall eight times, get up seven. Ancient proverb. [spins the net in the air] No, no!
* Sandy: Wait! [turns on a display on her helmet] What in tarnation? [looks up to see a claw coming down, gasps]
* [The screen turns red as the claw gets closer. Sandy is seen running off as SpongeBob continues playing.]
* SpongeBob: Practice, practice, practice, practice! [gets grabbed by Sandy]
* Sandy: [panting as she continues pulling a playing SpongeBob, then hops onto Sparky]
* Sparky: [neighs]
* Sandy: Giddy up and [presses a button on Sparky] thrust to power! [Sparky's foot rockets activate]
* SpongeBob: [laughing]
* Sandy: Fire them rockets!
* Sparky: [starts flying in the air]
* SpongeBob: [continues laughing as they narrowly dodge a part of the claw]
* Sparky: [jumps and neighs in slow motion as Sandy grabs onto him]
* [They all fall down separately.]
* Sandy: Huh?
* SpongeBob: [finally catches the toy jellyfish] Ooh!
* [The claw starts closing in on Bikini Bottom.]
* Sandy: Great Neptune!
* SpongeBob: [showing off the net] I know, right? 947th time's the charm.
* Sandy: [grabs SpongeBob] Look!
* [The claw fully grabs onto Bikini Bottom and is lifted up.]
* SpongeBob: [screams, sending Sandy backward; tongue lays out as his uvula speaks] What's happening?
* Sparky: [neighs]
* Bikini Bottomites: [screaming and running around]
* Larry: [screaming]
* Plankton: Yes! Doom! Terror!
* Man: [screams, then Tom slaps him, who also screams]
* Bikini Bottomites: [run screaming, then the stoplight changes to stop, and they all stop as another screaming crowd runs beside them; the sign changes to "PANIC" and the crowd continues running]
* [A man with his snail falls down as giant crack is made in the road.]
* Man #2: [exiting his house] Hey, what's going on out here? [screams as he falls down]
* Man: Be careful!
* Man #3: [opening his front door] Where's all the darn noise? [screams and falls down]
* Man: I said careful! [falls down and screams]
* [The claw closes in on them, and the lights on it turn from red to green as it begins rising.]
* Sandy: [screams and runs toward the claw] No!
* [The claw fully rises up, taking Bikini Bottom with it. Everyone in the Krusty Krab screams and runs around.]
* Man: No! [squirts drinks in each of his nostrils, then continues running and screaming]
* Two kids: [shoving food into their mouths, and one of them hits himself repeatedly with a tray, then they both scream and run]
* Squidward: [in the register, humming while contently reading a book]
* Mr. Krabs: [walking out of the Krusty Krab in a military uniform] Don't panic, anyone! [everyone is still panicking; gasping, then screams]
* Fred: [climbs up the Krusty Krab pole, and rests at the top, where the clam clamps in on him] My leg!
* Mr. Krabs: [gasps, then grabs someone] What is this? A volcano? [tosses him aside and grabs someone else] An invasion? [tosses him aside and grabs someone else] Does Patrick have gas again? [man lets go with his arms] Huh?
* Man: [screams and runs off with Mr. Krabs' arms]
* Mr. Krabs: [screams]
* Patrick: [mumbling as he wanders around aimlessly with a mint chocolate ice cream cone, of which the ice cream balances on the cone; tries to catch it with his tongue, but keeps failing, then whimpers and facepalms; squishes the ice cream] Stop teasing me! [accidentally drops ice cream and yells] This is a disaster! [runs off]
* Mrs. Puff: [yelling in her boat, which crashes into the Krusty Krab pole, making her inflate then scream again]
* Fred: [clam opens up a little, then yells as it crushes him again] My other leg!
* [SpongeBob and Sandy watch as the claw continues rising.]
* Gary: [on top of the claw] Meow.
* SpongeBob: [eyes filled with tears] G-Gary? [hugs himself]
* [Sparky's other half gets on top of the claw and lets out a puff of smoke with a a frown.]
* Sparky: [neighs in fear]
* Patrick: [on top of the claw] Hey, buddy! You got the jellyfish in the net! [gives a thumbs-up] Congratulations! [his word echoes as the claw continues rising]
* SpongeBob: [cries, gives a thumbs-up back] Thank you.
* Sandy: What the hey? [holds up a pair of binoculars and looks at the claw] Magnify. [the binoculars zoom into a manufacturing label on the claw with text on it] "B.O.O.T.S., Marine Biology Lab, Galveston, TX." [gasps] B.O.O.T.S. Laboratory? That's the lab that I work for!
* SpongeBob: Boots? I thought you made science. You think you know a person. [laughs]
* Sandy: [presses the acorn badge on her suit to reveal a laser stick, which she uses to draw "B.O.O.T.S." in the air] B.O.O.T.S. Bureau of Official Texas Science.
* SpongeBob: [looks confused at Sparky] Hmm?
* Sparky: [snorts]
* Sandy: [the letters dissipate] What the heck is going on?
* SpongeBob: [walks off] I don't know, Sandy. But except for you and Sparky, [camera pans up to the sky] Bikini Bottom and everyone I ever loved is gone. [sniffles, eyes welling up] And all my streaming videos on demand. I can't demand them anymore. [sobs on the ground, creating water spouts from his eyes]
* Sandy: I gotta get to the bottom of this. Better call my fellow scientists at the lab. Computer, call Kyle and Phoebe. [gets hit with SpongeBob's waterworks, then pulls up a monitor from her suit and connects to B.O.O.T.S. Laboratories]
* Voice: [screen displays logo] You have reached B.O.O.T.S. Laboratories, [displays another logo] now a division of Gushing Waters Water Parks, and future home [displays Sea Pals logo] of Sea Pals. Owned and operated [shows silhouette of Sue Nahmee] by Sue Nahmee.
* Sandy: Water parks? And who in tarnation is Sue Nahmee?
* Voice: [screen flashes "TERMINATED," Sandy gasps] I'm sorry, this call has been terminated. Goodbye. [screen turns into flames and malfunctions]
* Sandy: No, wait! Kyle! Phoebe! Dag [slaps screen] nabbit! [puts screen back into her suit, and SpongeBob hits her with waterworks again as he continues crying on the ground] [picking up SpongeBob] SpongeBob, lookie here. [SpongeBob shoots more waterworks at her, making her jump rope] I believe I know where Bikini Bottom is. And I swear on the alamo, I'm gonna get Gary, and Patrick--
* SpongeBob: And Sparky's hindquarters?
* Sandy: Yes, and Sparky's hindquarters, too.
* Sparky: [neighs]
* Sandy: And the whole dang town, and put 'em right back in this big ol' ugly ditch. [word echoes as a shot of the ditch is shown]
* SpongeBob: [abruptly stops crying] Question, where are they now?
* Sandy: [sigh] A place I ain't been to in a while. A place I once called home. A place called Texas.
* SpongeBob: Texas? [appears in a Texas shape wearing a cowboy hat while using a lasso] Whoo-hoo! We're going to Texas to save our friends! [tosses cowboy hat into the distance] Yee-haw!
* Sandy: Come on, SpongeBob. You're comin' with me.
* SpongeBob: Yay! [appears with a green cap, a handlebar mustache, and on a tricycle] Ten-four, good buddy. [horn honks, rides off-screen]
* Sandy: Hmm, now let's see. [begins writing with the laser pen] If we can propel ourself to 20,000 feet above sea level, then we can hitch a ride on the 10:35 Texas Airlines flight to Houston, but I'm gonna need some Texas-sized proportions-- [she and SpongeBob scream as the ground shakes; SpongeBob ends up in Sparky, and Sandy ends up on the edge of a cliff, of which she climbs up from] Whoa!
* [A geyser shoots into the sky.]
* Sandy: Well, lookie here! The scoop done severed a volcanic vent! That steam must be gushin' with the force of nearly.. [gasps, writes in the air] 12,000 metric tons of pressure? C'mon, SpongeBob! Let's hightail it down yonder! [pulls SpongeBob with her] Sparky, we'll be back before you can shake a tail!
* Sparky: [looks at his rear end, then neighs and waves goodbye]
* SpongeBob: [as Sandy carelessly pulls him down the cliff, making him bump his head several times] Whoa! Concussion! Head trauma. Oh, just a fender bender. Ooh, that's a bump. [they land at the bottom, untangles himself] Whoa. [they see the giant geyser]
* Sandy: [thinks while looking at the geyser] Hmm. [picks up the cowboy hat and tosses it] Hi-yah! [the hat goes directly up when it hits the geyser; writing in the air] If we can figure out some kinda way to ride those bubbles clear up to the jet liner, which should be passing through in... two minutes and 49 seconds.
* SpongeBob: Whoa. What does that mean?
* Sandy: [clears the equation] We might just make it to Texas. [approaches some clam shells nearby] Those oughta do the trick. [pulls a clam shell out, which ends up in SpongeBob's mouth, then pulls out another one] Do like I do! [rides a clam shell off the cliff] Yee-haw! [rises in the geyser] It's just like surfin'!
* SpongeBob: [deep voice] I got this. [tries to repeat what Sandy did, but trips; normal voice] Whoa! [ends up on top of the geyser and rises while holding the shell with his hands] I don't got this!
* Sparky: [watching the geyser, snorts]
* SpongeBob: [spiraling in the geyser] Whoa! [screams]
* Sandy: [gasps, rises to SpongeBob and grabs his shell, tossing it over her to adjust him] Just [points to her knees] bend your knees, [pulls SpongeBob up by his rear] stick out your square butt, and keep your center of gravity [squashes SpongeBob] low.
* SpongeBob: [flails arms] Whoa! Hey, Sandy, watch this. [struts his legs and jumps] Hooray! Whoa. [falls onto the shell, then laughs]
* Sandy: [pointing] SpongeBob! Look out!
* SpongeBob: [looks behind him, eyes shrunk to see a giant horde of clams heading towards them; screams before the clams ambush them both, then spits out a bunch of them from his mouth]
* SpongeBob and Sandy: [laughing, then SpongeBob spits out one more clam]
* Sandy: What're we doing?
* SpongeBob and Sandy: [as the geyser continues to rise] Saving Bikini Bottom!
* SpongeBob: Yoo-hoo!
* [They reach the surface as Bikini Atoll is shown, and they continue rising.]
* SpongeBob: Yeah!
* Sandy: [touches a button on her flower, which retracts her suit and puts her in her normal clothes; looks at a plane through holds in her hands] Yup. [looking at her watch] Right on time. Here comes the 10:35 stagecoach to Houston. [grabs SpongeBob's arm, making him scream; uses a lasso to grab onto the plane, which makes SpongeBob scream again] Hi-yah!
* SpongeBob: [faceplants onto one of the plane's wings as Sandy lands normally] Wow, I never knew somebody could do this! [goes back to normal from being squashed, laughs]
* Sandy: [laughs] Nobody can do this! It's crazy!
* SpongeBob: [gasps for air as he dries out]
* Sandy: [gasps] Oops! Oh! I gotcha covered, buddy! [pulls out a spray from her pocket] Somethin' I invented for a drought. [sprays SpongeBob to rehydrate him]
* SpongeBob: [inflated] That worked well.
* Sandy: Sandy Cheeks Super Hydration Lotion.
* SpongeBob: [takes the bottle] Ooh. [reading] Nine out of ten sponges prefer Sandy Cheeks Super Hydration Libation. [puts on reading glasses] Side may effects include mad fry cook skills, porousness, and chronic optimism. Not recommended for non-sponges. [laughs]
* French Narrator: 14 hours later...
* SpongeBob: [holding up a hot dog with tongs, and uses the plane's engine to cook it, laughs as he is about to put it in] Ooh.
* [The hot dog turns into a hallucination of Squidward.]
* Squidward: Why?
* SpongeBob: [whimpering, turning around to Sandy, who is doing equations] I don't know, Sandy. [uses his long legs to reach Sandy] I was just working on my way back to happy, but then, oh, this weenie reminded me of Squidward's nose. Whatcha doin'?
* Sandy: Just calculating our jump.
* SpongeBob: Oh, isn't that nice? [stammers, tossing his stuff away] Jump?
* Sandy: Yee-haw! [pointing] There's Galveston!
* SpongeBob: [fearfully looks down to see Galveston marked with a red star on the map below, gulps]
* Sandy: Ready for a kickstart?
* SpongeBob: Of course. Uh, what is a kickstart? [Sandy kicks him off the plane] Whoa! Now I know! [Sandy flies after him, screams]
* Sandy: [grabs SpongeBob by the arms, then locks him onto her like a seat belt and opens her arms out like a flying squirrel, flying in circles]
* SpongeBob: Whoa! Whoa! Whoo-hoo! [now with a cloud beard] Woo!
* Sandy: [laughing]
* SpongeBob: Wow! Sandy, you never told me you were a flying squirrel.
* Sandy: Well, actually it's more like gliding, but I don't like to brag. And, uh, it gives me jiggly arm flaps.
* SpongeBob: [touches Sandy's arm flaps, which hit him back] Hmm. Hey, I'm getting flab slapped. [both laugh]
* Sandy: Hang on! [flies downward, cheering]
* SpongeBob: [screams, then laughs as they fly through a canyon] Take that, gravity! [both laugh] Woo! Woo! Whoa! [laughs]
* Sandy: [laughs]
* SpongeBob: [laughs] Whoo-hoo! Hooray! [giggles]
* Sandy: [pointing down] There it is. B.O.O.T.S.' lab. [the water park is seen] Wait, they added a water park to the lab?
* SpongeBob: [spins] Cool! Wait, what's a water park?
* Sandy: [pointing] Lookie there! We'll land in that floatin' pool! [dives]
* SpongeBob: Whoa!
* [They fly over a giant pool filled with people. Suddenly, they get blown backwards.]
* Sandy: Hey-hey, why are we slowin' down?
* SpongeBob: I think we're going backwards.
* [A tornado can be seen behind them.]
* Sandy: [as SpongeBob holds onto her in fear] Oh, no! A Texas twister? It's pulling us away from the lab! [they get caught in the twister] Whoa! Whoa!
* SpongeBob and Sandy: [screaming]
* [The twister can be seen moving away.]
* Sandy: We're going too deep into the heart of Texas!
* SpongeBob: [screams as they briefly ride a bull in the twister]
* Sandy: Yee-haw!
* SpongeBob: Ooh! [holds his mouth as if he is going to puke] Oh!
* Cowboys: Beans. Beans. Beans. Beans. Beans. Beans. Beans.
* Sandy: Good thing we're upwind.
* SpongeBob: [as they get pulled again] Whoa!
* Sandy: [as they get flung out of the twister] Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! [SpongeBob holds onto her face] Hang on, SpongeBob! We're comin' in for a landing! [gliding, SpongeBob screams] Whoa! Whoa! [some branches enter her mouth, which she spits out; spreads her arms as she skids along the ground, and trips and falls]
* SpongeBob: [screams as he gets flung into a cactus]
* Sandy: [runs to SpongeBob, gasps, and pulls him off]
* SpongeBob: Ouch.
* Sandy: Oh. Sorry there, SpongeBob. Here. Hi-yah! [hits the thorns out of SpongeBob, sending them back onto the cactus]
* SpongeBob: Thanks.
* Sandy: [salutes]
* SpongeBob: [dry] A bit thirsty.
* Sandy: [gasps]
* SpongeBob: [exhales dry air, his left arm falls off]
* Sandy: Well, there's plenty o' water in the desert. If you know where to look. [knocks on a cactus, which opens up to reveal a drinking fountain, which she turns on]
* [The spout from the fountain hits SpongeBob, which rehydrates him again.]
* SpongeBob: Oh. [gurgles] Ah. [whistles to his arm] C'mere. Give a little sponge a hand. [his arm comes back on, laughs]
* Sandy: [closes the cactus] Hmm. [approaches a dirty road sign and cleans the dust off by wiping and blowing on it] "Galveston, 626 miles"? Well, I guess we're walkin'. [both start walking] It's been rollin' around in my brain like a tumbleweed, what could B.O.O.T.S.' lab possibly want with Bikini Bottom?
* SpongeBob: [gasps] Maybe they're [takes out his brain] taking out people's brains and [splits his brain in two] making them fight in a terror dome. [the two brain halves slap fight; he tosses them away] [monotone voice, head turns around to reveal robot face] Or maybe they're replacing everyone with robots.
* Sandy: [turns SpongeBob's head around] SpongeBob, science isn't all clone monsters and lasers.
* SpongeBob: [posh voice] Ahem. [appears on a rock with a graduation cap and monocle reading a comic book titled "CLONE MONSTERS & LASERS"] Let's agree to disagree. [closes book and gets up]
* Sandy: [walks off, sighs]
* SpongeBob: [stretches a leg to catch up with Sandy]
* [Cut to the Gushing Waters water park. An open shot of the B.O.O.T.S. laboratory is shown, then Bikini Bottom in a dome inside the lab is shown. People are seen inside the Krusty Krab.]
* Bikini Bottomites: [hushed murmuring]
* Mr. Krabs: [he and Squidward emerge from the register] Do you think it's safe to come out?
* Squidward: It does seem pretty quiet.
* Mr. Krabs and Squidward: [flushing is heard] Huh? [scream]
* Bikini Bottomites: [all scream]
* Patrick: [exits the restroom, rubbing his belly] Whew! What? I washed my hands.
* Mr. Krabs: [pointing] We definitely not in the ocean anymore, Mr. Squidward.
* Squidward: Don't you think someone should go out there and check it out?
* Mr. Krabs: [wheeling Squidward out] Excellent idea, Mr. Squidward. Why don't you go out there?
* Squidward: How about, um, no? [points at Mr. Krabs] Does that work for you?
* Mr. Krabs: [grabs Squidward's arm, giggles and turns around] And what about any of you--
* 'Bikini Bottomites: [whistling and looking away]
* Mr. Krabs: Eh, uh. [growls] Alright, you [snatches someone's umbrella] scallywags. [exits the Krusty Krab and yelps, aimlessly aiming the umbrella around, whimpers and looks around the desolate town, then begins walking]
* Fred: [stretches out and yawns on the Krusty Krab sign]
* Mr. Krabs: [walks past Conch Street, then yells as he jumps over a tumbleweed; he yells again after he walks over a manhole cover being lifted by someone; everyone enters their homes as he looks around, then gasps, then accidentally bumps into a trash can]
* Person in trash can: [yells and runs, bumping into another person inside a fire hydrant, then they bump into each other again]
* Mr. Krabs: [yells, then stops to catch his breath]
* Gary: Meow.
* Mr. Krabs: [screams, losing his color, then regains it once he sees Gary]
* Gary: Meow.
* Mr. Krabs: Gary, go home.
* Gary: [whimpers and slithers away]
* Mr. Krabs: [yells as he hears breathing, losing his color again, then screams before seeing Patrick breathing in his face]
* Patrick: Pretty scary, huh?
* Mr. Krabs: [gets angry as he regains his color] Just like I told Gary, go home! Ya pointy pink eraser head!
* Patrick: Okay. [leaves sliding on his belly]
* Mr. Krabs: [picks up his umbrella and continues walking, then yells when he hits glass] Ow! [groaning] Hmm? What in the seven seas--?
* [Outside of the glass, a woman, Phoebe, puts her hands on the glass as she observes Bikini Bottom.]
* Mr. Krabs: [screams and throws his umbrella at the glass, running away] Abandon ship! [screams, closes the Krusty Krab doors, then yells as he uses a hammer and nails to bolt planks to the doors, hyperventilates]
* [Everyone looks down onto Mr. Krabs.]
* Mr. Krabs: Here be giants.
* Phoebe: [looks away from Bikini Bottom] Kyle, where are you?
* Kyle: [a file drawer opens] I'm right here. [he appears] Filed under K. [puts his hat on and gets up]
* Phoebe: I can't believe you still live here and the boss doesn't know. [Kyle brushes his teeth] I don't see any of them critters. [off-screen as everyone is seen in the Krusty Krab shivering with fear, except Patrick who is smiling] Did you eat them? You weren't sleep-eating again, are you?
* Kyle: Not since I ate half my lab coat. [cracks an egg on a pot, continues brushing his teeth]
* Phoebe: Computer? [walks to an iMac and begins typing] Is all of Bikini Bottom accounted for?
* Pixelated fish: Oh, computer, is all of Bikini Bottom accounted for? Ugh.
* Phoebe: [scoffs]
* Kyle: The computer hates you since you spilled coffee on it. [puts his hand on Phoebe's shoulder] Let me show you how it's done.
* Phoebe: [scoffs]
* Kyle: Hey, computer. Is everybody in the glass marble accounted for?
* Pixelated fish: SpongeBob and Sandy are currently missing. [visualizer of a toaster pastry stuck in the computer's disc drive appears] Now could you please stop using my DVD drive to [red X appears] heat toaster pastries?
* Phoebe: Missing? Oh, the boss isn't gonna like this.
* Sue Nahmee: [sliding doors open] Missing? [Kyle gets in front of Phoebe] Who's missing?
* Phoebe: [types on the computer and presses the "PLAY/PAUSE" button to turn on some music]
* Sue Nahmee: [begins walking while holding her pug]
* Female vocals: [Kyle and Phoebe begin dancing as the lights darken] ♪ You see her swimmin' and get outta her way. She's a fish here with a mission and there's something to say. She makes waves. [hung plastic fish come down from the ceiling] She makes waves. [she begins making a kissing face around the fish] She's gonna school you and take in the bait. She's a real big fish and you caught in her wave. She makes waves. [Phoebe turns off the music and the lights go back to normal; takes a chicken leg and looks into a fish tank] Where's my beautiful scaly baby? Hmm? Where-- oh. [teases the fish with the chicken leg] Uh? Huh? Uh. [the giant goldfish emerges from the tank] Nope, nope, first give mommy a kissy. [she and the fish kiss on the lips] Ah, Cuda. [the fish kisses her pug] Don't be a dumb hound. [holds out the chicken leg again] Uh? [the fish eats the chicken wing]
* Cuda: [barks]
* Sue Nahmee: [walks away and tosses the remaining chicken bone] Now, tell Cuda here who's missing.
* [Cut to SpongeBob and Sandy in the desert.]
* SpongeBob: [swinging along, giggling]
* Sandy: [walking] If Galveson is 626 miles away, [SpongeBob sniffs some flowers and sighs] uh, my strut is about four inches...
* SpongeBob: [looking at a mound of poop] Wow! Texas sure is magical. [sniffs the poop and sucks a fly in his nose, which he lets out] Ooh! [bounces back to Sandy, sniffing] Ooh.
* Sandy: It would be 3,663,063 inches, which means--
* SpongeBob: [sniffs, sighs] Even the smells are amazing.
* Both: [stop and gasp]
* [A rattlesnake is heard.]
* SpongeBob: Whoa, Texas sure smells dangerous all of a sudden. [gasps as a giant boot stomps behind them]
* [The camera pans up the boot to reveal a cowboy rattlesnake inside of it.]
* Cowboy rattlesnake: [laughs] This is an ambush.
* Rattlesnakes: [laughing as they surround SpongeBob and Sandy]
* Cowboy rattlesnake: [to SpongeBob] What're ya doin' when death stares you right in the face?
* SpongeBob: Me? I tell 'em it's rude and look the other way? [yelps as the rattlesnake shakes its rattle in front of him]
* Cowboy rattlesnake: [laughs]
* Sandy: How dare you ambush us! You low-down dirty rattlesnakes.
* Fat rattlesnake: Oh, they look tasty.
* Sandy: [spins in place, glowing red, wearing her karate outfit from "Karate Island"] Hi-yah!
* Cowboy rattlesnake: Well, well, congratulations on correctly identifyin' our genus and species. Low-down and dirty. But we're also hungry! [laughs]
* Sandy: Now you looky here, snakes.
* SpongeBob: [yelps]
* Sandy: We're on the trail to Galveston. And if you don't want no trouble--
* Bonnie: Oh, no trouble at all. Just hold still. [yells and lunges, but gets kicked in the air by Sandy]
* SpongeBob: [groans as Sandy grabs him] Whoa!
* Other rattlesnake: Hey, where's Bonnie go?
* Bonnie: [falls to the ground]
* Other rattlesnake: There she is.
* [The rattlesnakes prepare to attack, then they all lunge at once. SpongeBob leaps into the air to dodge, and Sandy gets on top of them, running on Bonnie. She hits a rattlesnake and slams another that tries to attack her, then leaps into the air and grabs two rattlesnakes to bash their heads together. She kicks another two rattlesnakes, and tosses the previous ones at SpongeBob, who lifts his body to dodge them. A rattlesnake enters his body, and he tries to attack it, but it keeps dodging his attacks by re-entering his body.]
* SpongeBob: Help! Sandy! [the rattlesnake emerges from his mouth, who dodges his punch]
* Sandy: [kicking several rattlesnakes away] Sorry, SpongeBob. I got my paws full over here. [throws a rattlesnake]
* Bonnie: Yah!
* Other rattlesnake: I couldn't miss it--
* Cowboy rattlesnake: [headbutts Bonnie and the other rattlesnake away] I always get the first bite. [lunges at Sandy as the camera changes to his perspective]
* Sandy: [tries to kick the cowboy rattlesnake, but he bites her foot] Yow! [pulls her foot out, yells as she begins inflating, gasps and groans]
* Three rattlesnakes: [laugh at Sandy from her warped perspective]
* Sandy: Whoa, boy. Dadgummit, I'll get y'all next time [falls down] in a bi-big Texas-sized fix now.
* SpongeBob: [whimpering as he is caught by a rattlesnake]
* Top hat rattlesnake: What have we here? [pokes SpongeBob with his tongue]
* SpongeBob: [screams as he gets repeatedly slapped with the rattlesnake's tongue]
* Sandy: [getting up] I did not wanna do this, I'm an independent squirrel, but I reckon I have no choice. [twists her hand and whistles through it, annoying the rattlesnakes and making them drop SpongeBob]
* [The camera zooms far out as the whistle echoes]
* SpongeBob: [bells ring in his ears, pulls his nose to stop them] Hey, that whistle had a nice ring to it. [laughs]
* Sandy: [on the ground, groans]
* Rattlesnakes: [laugh at Sandy, then look behind them as a vehicle appears]
* Rattlesnake #1: Whoa!
* Rattlesnake #2: What is that?
* [The vehicle stops in front of them.]
* Fat rattlesnake: [jumping] What? Let me see!
* Cowboy rattlesnake: Mm.
* [The driver's door to the vehicle opens.]
* Cowboy rattlesnake: What in the Sam Hill? A phantom jalopy. Vintage.
* Pa Cheeks: Well, look at who's back from rhiny blue. [camera zooms out to reveal his tiny size] It's our little squirrely girl. [jumps onto the horns on the hood of the vehicle]
* Sandy: Howdy, Pa. [groans]
* Pa Cheeks: Sandy? You wouldn't have used the Cheeks family whistle for nothin', now. [bangs fist, rattlesnakes look at him] These tapeworms givin' you trouble?
* Sandy: 'Fraid so, Pa.
* Pa Cheeks: 'Nough said. Cheeks, assemble!
* Ma Cheeks: [laughs as she jumps out of a window]
* Cheeks children: [laughing as they backflip]
* Randy: [jumps out of a hatch] Whoo-hoo!
* Granny Cheeks: [on stilts, shouts as all of the Cheeks family members twist their tails together and begin spinning]
* Cheeks family: Yeah!
* Granny Cheeks: Slither on outta here!
* Cheeks family: [running after the rattlesnakes] Yeah!
* SpongeBob: Ooh!
* Pa Cheeks: [twirls the cowboy rattlesnake around, slamming him on the ground, then twirls him around like a lasso, laughing]
* Rosie Cheeks and Cheeks boy: [appear between two rattlesnakes, Rosie kicks them and laughs]
* Other rattlesnake: Hold still. [they move]
* Rosie Cheeks and Cheeks boy: [tackle the rattlesnakes]
* Pa Cheeks: [still twirling the cowboy rattlesnake as Rosie runs on a rattlesnake like a hamster wheel] 
* SpongeBob: Cheeks family circus. Wow! Sandy, this is your family?
* Sandy: Yep. This is my family.
* Rattlesnake: Squirrel buffet. My favorite.
* Ma Cheeks: Hey Y'all thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?
* The Family: The Rolling Thunder ball.
* [They leap onto a rock and started to role toward the snakes. Sandy and SpongeBob got out of the way.]
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