Transcripts/Cakes for the Memories

:Pinkie Pie: So let me get this straight... [quickly] You and Spike are putting together a magical book of memories that you plan to give to Twilight as a surprise at her coronation, and you need me to get her to talk about her favorite memories of me so you can record them all in your book?
:Spike: Pretty much.
:Pinkie Pie: Twilight is heading over here to taste the cupcakes I made for her coronation. Ooh! I know just how I can use that to get her memory muscles moving.
:Starlight Glimmer: That's good, because there isn't any place for us to hide while you do it, so you're gonna be on your own. The book's all set. When you're ready, just tap the cover with your hoof, and it'll start recording whatever memories are nearby.
:[door opens]
:Starlight Glimmer: A-And that's why a savory pie is a far superior—! Oh, hey, Twilight!
:Twilight Sparkle: Hey, Starlight. Hey, Spike.
:Starlight Glimmer: Oh! Hello, Spike! I didn't see you there, since we came into the shop separately and not together.
:Spike: Uh, we definitely came here for totally different things. But now it's time for us to go!
:[zip!]
:Starlight Glimmer and Spike: Bye, Twilight!
:[zip!]
:
:Pinkie Pie: For your coronation cakes, I've used the science of baking to come up with a formula that connects tastes with memories! Take a bite and tell me the first thing you remember.
:Twilight Sparkle: Okay.
:[squeak!]
:Twilight Sparkle: [chewing] Hmmm... I guess this tastes like... the first time we met?
:Pinkie Pie: Surprise!
:[party whistle blows]
:Pinkie Pie: Hi, I'm Pinkie Pie, and I threw this party just for you! Were you surprised? Were ya? Were ya? Huh huh huh?
:Twilight Sparkle: Very surprised. Libraries are supposed to be quiet.
:Pinkie Pie: Well, that's silly! What kind of welcome party would this be if it were quiet? I mean, duh, bo-ring! Y'see, I saw you when you first got here, remember? You were all "hello" and I was all [deep gasp], remember? Y'see I've never saw you before and if I've never saw you before that means you're new, 'cause I know everypony, and I mean everypony in Ponyville!
:Twilight Sparkle: [groan]
:Pinkie Pie: And if you're new, that meant you haven't met anyone yet, and if you haven't met anyone yet, you must not have any friends, and if you don't have any friends then you must be lonely, and that made me so sad, then I had an idea, and that's why I went [deep gasp]! I must throw a great big ginormous super-duper spectacular welcome party and invite everyone in Ponyville! See? And now you have lots and lots of friends!
:[kettle whistling]
:Applejack: Are you all right, sugarcube?
:[train whistle blowing]
:Pinkie Pie: Aww, she's so happy she's crying!
:Twilight Sparkle: [gulps, burps]
:Pinkie Pie: Not bad... Now try this!
:Twilight Sparkle: [chewing] Well, it's, um, chocolatey. No, dark chocolate. [chomp] Hmm... Oh! I know!
:Twilight Sparkle: That ancient ruin could be right in front of our faces and we wouldn't even know it.
:Rarity: I didn't see you there, my apologies.
:Rainbow Dash: Right here... guh...
:Applejack: Oh, wait. I think I stepped in somethin'.
:Fluttershy: [scream]
:Applejack: It's just mud.
:[tree growls]
:Applejack: Aah!
:[trees growling]
:Mane cast sans Pinkie: [screams]
:Pinkie Pie: [laughter]
:Mane cast sans Pinkie: Huh?
:Pinkie Pie: [laughter] Bleh. Ooo! [funny noises] [laughter]
:Twilight Sparkle: Pinkie, what are you doing?! Run!
:Pinkie Pie: Oh girls, don't you see?
:Pinkie Pie: I'll accept that.
:Twilight Sparkle: I can tell what that one is just by looking at it. I don't even need to taste it—
:Pinkie Pie: Wrong!
:Twilight Sparkle: Ulp!
:Twilight Sparkle: Ugh. Is everypony all right?
:Fluttershy: I can't tell if my eyes are open or closed.
:Rainbow Dash: I think I can see a little bit.
:[crash]
:Rainbow Dash: Gah! Nope.
:[light flickers on]
:Main cast sans Pinkie: Ooooh...
:Applejack: Look at these! Pinkie Pie's made files for everypony in town!
:Fluttershy: With exactly what kind of parties we like.
:Rainbow Dash: Pinkie Pie has a secret party-planning cave?! How cool is this?!
:Fluttershy: [reading] "Twilight Sparkle likes vanilla ice cream, red balloons, dancing..."
:Twilight Sparkle: That's right!
:Fluttershy: "But she's afraid of quesadillas."
:Twilight Sparkle: No, I'm not! They're just so... [shudders] cheesy.
:Main cast sans Pinkie: [talking over each other]
:Applejack: Looky here. It's notes for the party she wants to throw for her folks' fiftieth anniversary. But they ain't nearly that old! Huh. She's already plannin' their one-hundredth too. And their five-hundredth?
:Twilight Sparkle: I had no idea she worked so hard on her parties.
:Rainbow Dash: She may be more organized than you, Twilight.
:Twilight Sparkle: Let's not get carried away.
:Rarity: I just wish Pinkie Pie were here so we could tell her how much we all appreciate her hard work.
:Pinkie Pie: [tearing up] Thank you! Thank you! I love you too! All of you!
:Twilight Sparkle: [chewing, spits] I don't know about your memory, formula, but I sure liked the cupcakes. And thinking of some of my favorite times with you was pretty fun, too.
:Pinkie Pie: Eh, close enough. Thanks for your help.
:[door opens]
:Starlight Glimmer: Oh! Hello again! It seems that we— uh, I forgot to pick up our— um, my order.
:Spike: Me, too!
:[zip!]
:[door closes]
:Pinkie Pie: Well, that could not have gone better. I got Twilight to remember all sorts of fun memories of me.
:Starlight Glimmer: Oh, that's great! And the book worked okay when you tapped it?
:Pinkie Pie: Uh... Oh, yeah. I... kinda forgot about that part.
:[pages flipping]
:Pinkie Pie: [laughs nervously]
:Pinkie Pie: Thanks for coming back! I really thought I had my taste/memory formula figured out, but I was completely/totally wrong. So... on to stage two!
:Twilight Sparkle: Well, I definitely know what this one is. [chomp]
:Twilight Sparkle: Pinkies, you've been brought here to take a test.
:Pinkie Pie Duplicates: [in chorus] Awww!
:Twilight Sparkle: Don't worry, it's a simple test, about as simple as they come, and whoever passes gets to stay.
:[duplicates making huh noises, yeah]
:Twilight Sparkle: Curtain, please. The test... will be watching paint dry!
:[duplicates gasping]
:Twilight Sparkle: On your mark, get set, go!
:Spike: Ooh, this is so exciting!
:Spike: Okay, maybe not that exciting.
:[bird chirping]
:Pinkie Pie Duplicate: Oh, hey, look at the birdie!
:Twilight Sparkle: [grunts]
:[poof]
:Pinkie Pie Duplicate: Watch me bounce and touch the ceiling!
:[poof]
:[frog croaking]
:Pinkie Pie Duplicate: Is that... is that a frog crossed with an orange?
:Pinkie Pie Duplicate 2: Cool!
:Pinkie Pie Duplicate 3: Where?
:[poof]
:Pinkie Pie Duplicate: Look what I can do with my hooves! [blows]
:[popping noises]
:[poof]
:Pinkie Pie Duplicate: Betcha can't make a face crazier than... this!
:[poof]
:Twilight Sparkle: [sounds of exertion] [blows]
:[long pause]
:Rainbow Dash: Ugh, I can't take it anymore! Somepony's making balloon animals!
:Pinkie Pie Duplicate: What? Where?
:[poof]
:Twilight Sparkle: Pinkie, you can look away now.
:Pinkie Pie: I passed?
:Twilight Sparkle: You passed. You're the only Pinkie who kept staring at the wall.
:Pinkie Pie: I had to. I just had to. I couldn't leave my friends, I just couldn't. But I guess sometimes I will have to choose between them.
:Twilight Sparkle: I knew you'd be up to the challenge.
:Pinkie Pie: I'm me! I'm me! I'm me!
:Pinkie Pie: That's nice, but this cake isn't supposed to remind you of that. It's supposed to remind you of all the holidays I invented!
:Pinkie Pie: Happy day-after-your-birthday, Zecora!
:[Pinkie Pie]
::Happy month-i-versary to you and you today!
:Pinkie Pie: Surprise! Happy seventy-third Wonderbolt training session! [blows party horn]
:Pinkie Pie: We were just celebrating the anniversary of the twins' first sneezes! [giggles]
:Pinkie Pie: Congratulations on your seventy-fourth Wonderbolt training session!
:Pinkie Pie: Happy unofficial "Wake Your Friends Up" Day!
:Pinkie Pie: Happy "It's Not Your Birthday But Here's a Pie Anyway" Day!
:Pinkie Pie: National Random Holiday Party Day! Woo-hoo!
:Twilight Sparkle: [chews] Now this one definitely makes me think of...
:[eerie music plays]
:Pinkie Pie: Hmm... Twitchy twitcha twitcha twitch.
:Twilight Sparkle: Pinkie Pie? What in the wide, wide world of Equestria are you up to?
:Pinkie Pie: Oh! It's my tail! It's my tail! It's a-twitch a-twitchin'! And you know what that means!
:Twilight Sparkle: Actually, Pinkie, I haven't the slightest idea.
:Pinkie Pie: The twitchin' means my Pinkie Sense is telling me that stuff's gonna start falling! You two better duck for cover.
:Twilight Sparkle: Oh, Pinkie, it's not gonna rain. Why, there's barely even a cloud in the— Ugh!
:[frog croaks]
:Pinkie Pie: He just said "nice catch" in frog.
:[frog croaks]
:Pinkie Pie: Oh, no. That's not it at all. Does it maybe remind you of babysitting?
:[applause]
:Pinkie Pie: Hey, you're a wonderful crowd here tonight! Where y'all from? Wow, that's great. Y'know, I used to have an ant farm, but I had to get rid of it because... I couldn't find tractors that small!
:[ba-dum tish]
:Pinkie Pie: Get it? Tractors that small? [pause] The other day, I spilled spot remover on my dog... and now I can't find him!
:[ba-dum tish]
:Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake: [crying]
:Pinkie Pie: Gee, tough crowd. [to herself] Tell me about it. Fine, I wasn't gonna pull off a show stopper, but you're a lovely audience and I think you deserve it!
:Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake: [crying]
:[Pinkie Pie]
:[ploof]
:Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake: [giggling]
:Pinkie Pie: There, see? Nothing to this babysitting business! Ugh!
:Twilight Sparkle: Yes, absolutely. That's exactly what this cake reminds—
:Pinkie Pie: No, it doesn't! But maybe it reminds you of all the crazy outfits I've worn over the years, huh?
:Pinkie Pie: [blows party horn]
:Pinkie Pie: [clucks]
:[cymbals crashing]
:[squeak!]
:Twilight Sparkle: ...Yes?
:Pinkie Pie: NO!
:[shatter!]
:Pinkie Pie: Those were all trick questions! [quickly] This cake is about my ability to sum up a series of events in a quickly stated run-on sentence that keeps going for as long as it takes for me to say either everything that's happened up to this point or everything that's going to happen with no real way of explaining how I could possibly know that information!
:Twilight Sparkle: Pinkie, I love that you're taking this job so seriously. Memories or not, I trust you to make whatever coronation cakes you want.
:[door opens]
:Starlight Glimmer: Pinkie, that was great! I think we got everything we needed.
:[thud]
:Pinkie Pie: [scoffs] We most certainly did not! Twilight got all those memories wrong! My taste/memories formula isn't working!
:Spike: Didn't you just make that up?
:Pinkie Pie: But that doesn't mean it shouldn't work! We need to try again! Back to the cutting board!
:Twilight Sparkle: [snoring] Aah! Pinkie, it's the middle of the night! What are you doing here?!
:Pinkie Pie: I think I finally cracked/solved the taste/memory formula! Here!
:[splat!]
:Twilight Sparkle: Pinkie, this cake is... I can't even describe it!
:Prince Rutherford: [laughing]
:Twilight Sparkle: Wow, Pinkie. This came together quick, even for you.
:Pinkie Pie: What can I say? I'm good at what I do. Prince Rutherford, every time we tried to make something in Equestria feel like Yakyakistan, we couldn't get it right. When I got back from my adventure, I realized something. We shouldn't try to make Equestria feel like your home. We should try to make you feel at home in Equestria. And that means showing you why we love it here, so you'll love it too.
:Prince Rutherford: Pink pony work hard to make yaks feel at home. Now yaks happy. No declare war.
:Twilight Sparkle: [sighs]
:Twilight Sparkle: Those look yummy, Pinkie! Let me help you! But we better cover them up so they don't get spoiled.
:Pinkie Pie: Why would they get spoiled? We're all gonna eat them super soon!
:Applejack: Oh, didn't anypony tell you? Shining Armor and Cadance are held up. They may not arrive 'til Saturday.
:Pinkie Pie: Whaaaaaaaaaat?! [hyperventilating] You mean... [breathes] I have... [breathes] to wait... [breathes] another whole day?! I don't know if I can!
:Twilight Sparkle: Pinkie Pie, do you have something you need to say? You seem like you've been keeping something in.
:Pinkie Pie: [inarticulate yell]
:Fluttershy: We're here to listen.
:Applejack: Well, go on then, sugarcube.
:Rarity: We're not going to judge you, darling.
:Spike: You'll feel so much better once you get it off your chest!
:Pinkie Pie: [breathing heavily into balloon]
:Rainbow Dash: Come on.
:[balloon pops]
:Rainbow Dash: Whatever it is, you can tell us! We're best friends! [with reverb] Friends! Friends! Friends!
:Twilight Sparkle: [with reverb] Tell!
:Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle: [with reverb] Tell! Tell!
:Main cast sans Pinkie Pie: Friends! Friends! Friends! Tell! Tell! Tell!
:Pinkie Pie: Okay, okay, you win! [inhales] Shining Armor and Cadance are gonna have a—
:Shining Armor: An awesome weekend with the best little sister in all of Equestria!
:Princess Cadance: [giggles] Hi, everypony.
:Pinkie Pie: [exhales]
:Pinkie Pie: ...And then I said goodbye, and then I came here! Oh! And then I gathered you all together and started telling you about it. First, I said—
:Twilight Sparkle: Well, that sounds like quite a trip!
:Fluttershy: And Cheese Sandwich just left his own factory?
:Pinkie Pie: Yup. But I think Sans Smirk's hooves were the perfect ones to leave it in. As much as Cheese was born to wander Equestria and make ponies laugh in-person, Sans was born to run that factory.
:Applejack: And you don't sound so worried about findin' your life's purpose anymore.
:Pinkie Pie: Nope! I figured out Cheese and I are pretty much the same. We both need to see ponies laughing to feel fulfilled. And I already do that. My life is purposing itself all over the place!
:Matilda: Pinkie Pie, how do you remember everything about everypony?
:Pinkie Pie: 'Cause everypony's my friend, and I love to see my friends smile!
:Pinkie Pie: Yes! Yes! All of that! That's exactly what you were supposed to remember!
:Twilight Sparkle: This cake is amazing. I'm not sure you ever need to bake another one.
:Pinkie Pie: [stammers] Let's not go crazy.
:Twilight Sparkle: I can't think of a more perfect cake for my coronation. [yawning] But I should probably get back to sleep.
:[doors close]
:Pinkie Pie: I think we finally got everything we need.
:Starlight Glimmer: [snoring]
:Pinkie Pie: Or not.
:Starlight Glimmer: What...? Oh, no! Spike, we fell asleep! I'm sorry, Pinkie. We didn't get any of the memories you just went through.
:Pinkie Pie: [scoffs] No problem. I remember them all.
:[whip crack]
:Pinkie Pie: [quickly] First, I woke Twilight up and fed her some of this amazing cake. And then she remembered the time I prevented the yaks from declaring war on Equestria. And then she remembered the time I knew that Cadance and Shining Armor were going to have a baby... [fades out]
:[credits]