Josten

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== Josten Timberlake ==
I WANT TO HOLD HIM IN MY ARMSSSSSJosten is a disgustingly handsome squire who appears in The Light and Dark Series. He is not a real Smorfs character, but he is damn pretty. 
Even his fucking horse is handsome.
His real page is here. 
==Career==
Josten is a squire for Gerard, well known as the world's gayest king. Aside from being a manly man who runs around in tights all day, he makes poetry and music in his downtime, because get you a man who can do both. 
Josten's sword is silver, which is the prettiest metal, befitting the prettiest boy. However, I like to think he has it to defend Gerard from werewolves. 
He is crazy gay and probably became a squire for the sole purposes of standing near Johan's titanium thighs. Of course, he later discovered that Johan is an oblivious himbo, who can look at the most sexually charged sonnet, call it 'lovely,' and then go back to beating test dummies or something. Rest in peace, Josten.
==Who is this Man??==
Women want him
Men... also want him
Josten, despite his many talents, is not left-handed. This is somehow a remarkable occurrence. He rides a horse named Princeton, as he couldn't actually afford to go to college and this is his way of coping. Further complicating the matter, the college of Princeton does not exist yet.
His tears are like the butter in my fridge - unsalted. This is because Josten does not have an ounce of salt in his body, like a snail. His blood is also white. I cannot tell you why. 
Every spring he has dandruff, like my dog. However, unlike my dog, he can hear.
===Substance Abuse===
Josten is a lightweight. If a singular drop of wine touches his tongue, he will proceed to collapse drunk. "Pathetic." -Peewit, probably.He is, however, addicted to music. He hides a flute in his undershirt during work, because he needs to get his fix."Is that your little flute, or are you just happy to see me?" -Johan, probably not, but I wish.
==WHAT is this Man??==
Our first working theory was that Josten was secretly a river spirit, as his tears are limited edition unsalted flavor.
However, leading scientists have since come to the conclusion that he is actually a plant. 
*He was born in May and is remarked as "glowing" in the spring.
*Man loves sunlight.
*Never eats food because he photosynthesizes.
*Has chronic spring dandruff, which is clearly pollen.
*Only drinks water, but hates being drenched.
*If you put him in saltwater, he will fucking die.
*Non-salted tears.
I'm serious. I am losing my fucking mind - I legit think Josten is a god damn plant. 
==Trivia==
*One of Johan's many blonde husbands.
*Went blind from staring into the sun once ...He got better.
*He has Elmers glue for blood. This is why he is so good with horses.
*Dusty and Crusty.
|-|Gallery=
Local Plant twerks, more news t eight.gif
Photo. Synthesis..png|Josten Photosynthesizes
Josten reading poetry in the park.png|Josten reads some of his beautiful poetry aloud
Josten Vibing.png|Josten standing guard of Gerard's castle
At_least_it_isn't_salt.png|Josten does not know how to swim
Image 2021 05 16T04 46 51 584Z.png|Raw.jpg
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Category:Characters