Transcripts/Bad Thing No. 3

:
==Part 1==
:Pinkie Pie: [sighs] Just smell the morning air, Gummy. [deep sniff]
:Gummy: [sniffs]
:Pinkie Pie: So peaceful. So serene. It's like nothing bad in the whole world could ever—
:[door opens]
:Pinkie Pie: Aah!
:[door closes]
:Pinkie Pie: If this is another croissant caper, don't think you'll out-muscle me again! I know your tricks!
:Rarity: [sighs]
:Pinkie Pie: Oh, Rarity!
:Rarity: Pinkie! Help! Something horrid has happened!
:Pinkie Pie: Who did what?! Let me at' em! LET ME AT 'EM!
:Rarity: It's almost too awful to say.
:[crash!]
:[door closes]
:[poof!]
:Rarity: [sighs] Ponyville's primary pony of propriety, Fancy Pants, has asked me to go for a stroll in the park!
:Pinkie Pie: Um, and this is bad because... you don't want to go?
:Rarity: Worse! I do want to go!
:Pinkie Pie: Oh! That is awful! Wait. Why is that awful?
:Rarity: "Why?", she asks. Why?! [laughs] Here's why.
:[squeak]
:[whoosh]
:[shatter]
:Rarity: [narrating] Yesterday, I was only slightly flaunting my new headband while putting a subtle fine touch on my garden, when suddenly...
:Fancy Pants: Ah! My mirror!
:Rarity: Fancy Pants!
:Fancy Pants: Oh, how will I ever find such another lovely face to—? [gasps]
:[romantic music]
:Rarity: Oh! Didn't see you there. I was just casually having some potion my friend Pinkie gave me. [laughs nervously] Uh, would you like a sip?
:Fancy Pants: No. I would love one!
:Rarity: [gasps]
:Fancy Pants: Would you like to go for a stroll in the park with me tomorrow eve?
:Rarity: No. I would love to!
:Fancy Pants: Ah! Then I'll see you tomorrow night!
:[shatter]
:Rarity: Ugh!
:Fancy Pants: Oh, it seems your endearing clumsiness has resulted in a bad omen.
:Rarity: Bad omen?
:Fancy Pants: Well, you know what they say. Bad things happen in threes. Hopefully, our stroll won't be bad thing number three, eh? [laughs]
:Rarity: [forced laughter] Yes! Terribly funny! How truly horrific! All right, Rarity. One bad thing happened. Nothing to worry about. [laughs nervously] Now, a second bad thing were to happen, and I'd really have to— Whoa! Oof!
:[pounding]
:Pinkie Pie: Oh. [laughs] Okay.
:Rarity: My headband got covered in potion, Pinkie Pie. Now it won't stop revealing deep, dark truths to me.
:Pinkie Pie: Huh. Wow.
:Inner Pinkie Pie: [clears throat] Pinkie Pie. Sprinkles cannot fix every problem.
:Pinkie Pie: [screams]
:Pinkie Pie: That was horrible!
:Rarity: So, you can see why bad thing number three absolutely must happen before my rendezvous with Fancy Pants.
:Pinkie Pie: Wait, what?
:Rarity: If it happens before the rendezvous, it won't happen at the rendezvous.
:Pinkie Pie: That logic seems a little extreme.
:[loud banging]
:Rarity: Ooooh! This is it!
:[crash!]
:Fluttershy: Door was jammed. [giggles]
:Rarity: [growls]
:Fluttershy: [gasps] So cute!
:Fluttershy: Huh?
:Inner Fluttershy: You speak softly, yet you carry within you the most wondrous and terrifying force of all.
:Rarity: Well? Was it bad?
:Fluttershy: No. Nothing I didn't already know.
:Gummy: [croaks]
:Pinkie Pie: Let's just store this in the pantry for now, huh?
:[zip!]
:Rainbow Dash: Oh. You go for it.
:Twilight Sparkle: No, you.
:Rarity: Please don't fight! What's that? Your friendship is totally destroyed? Over such a silly misunderstanding? I never thought such a bad thing could happen! Ah, well. What can you do?
:Rainbow Dash: Uh, Rarity, we're not in a fight.
:[chomp]
:Rarity: [screams]
:Applejack: What's tuggin' your tail, Rarity?
:Rarity: Bad things happen in threes. And darling, I'm on strike three.
:[hiss]
:Applejack: Don't you think it's just a bit of superstition? There's no logical reason that... Okay. She's walkin' away.
:Rarity: That's it! This calls for more drastic action! Sabotage!
:Rarity: [to herself] You impress me yet again, Rarity, you saucy sassy girl with a mane that won't quit. [to herself] Oh, so sweet. Thank you.
:Applejack: Yikes.
==Part 2==
:Pinkie Pie: Souffle week of the Royal Jelly Juggernaut is notoriously difficult. But with this recipe, I know I can pull it off.
:Rainbow Dash: Noice! Huh? Mm.
:Rarity: [deep, gravelly voice] Must make the bad thing happen!
:Pinkie Pie: [reading incoherently]
:Rarity: [deep, gravelly voice] If Pinkie Pie's recipe were to suddenly disappear... that would be a bad thing. [normal voice] [gasps] But I can't take Pinkie's recipe. She needs it to compete. [deep, gravelly voice] Not until next weekend. You can get it back to her by then. She will never be the wiser. Plus, you can make it up to her later. [normal voice] Hmm. All right. You do make a good point. [deep, gravelly voice] That was... easier than I expected. [normal voice] [gasps] Ah! So it's come to this! Come at me with your worst!
:Gummy: [growls]
:Rarity: [yells] Take this!
:[thud]
:[zip!]
:Rarity: Hah!
:Gummy: [croaking]
:Rarity: [laughs, gasps] Ugh! [grunting] So... strong! Sweet victory! [yelling] Ugh. Huh? Not like this! [wails]
:Rarity: [wails] Okay, too late. I'm here. Ominous, sure, but her eyeshadow's stunning! Bravo!
:Inner Rarity: Rarity, bad thing number three will not happen at the park.
:Rarity: Really? Then it was all worth it.
:Inner Rarity: Because it has already happened. You are trapped here with me.
:[clang!]
:Rarity: [gasps]
:Inner Rarity: Bad things do not happen in threes, but you sealed your own fate by focusing on the negative rather than living in the present.
:Rarity: Okay, yes. Profound. Whatever. But seeing as I've already learned my lesson now, can't I still go to the park?
:Inner Rarity: No. [laughs] While mere seconds have passed for you and I, the outside world has aged eons! [laughs]
:Rarity: [screams]
:Rarity: [screams]
:[door opens]
:Rarity: [hyperventilates]
:Applejack: [gasps]
:Inner Rarity: W-W-W-W-Wait. So I lied about this one thing. But nopony ever hangs out with me here! Oh. [scoffs] Where's my phone?
:Rarity: Oh, Applejack! Twilight! And even young Pinkie! You're all here! How long was I gone? A week? A century?! Oh, what a foolish filly I have been. I suppose Fancy Pants has strolled on with another pony. Good. He deserves to be happy!
:Twilight Sparkle: Uh, Rarity? You were gone for thirty-five seconds.
:Fancy Pants: Oh, Rarity! Stroll time! Trot-trot!
:Twilight Sparkle: "Trot-trot"?
:Pinkie Pie: See? He's here!
:Rarity: B-B-But—!
:[zip!]
:Rarity: But bad thing number three!
:Pinkie Pie: You can't control it. Just go with the flow.
:Rarity: You sure it's just a silly superstition?
:Twilight Sparkle: One can never be completely sure— [muffled]
:Applejack: Yup-solutely! You've been through bad things before. Whatever happens now, you can handle it.
:Rarity: You're right! I have been prepared for the worst. Why not hope for the best?
:Rarity: What a lovely sunset. It reminds me of the—
:Fancy Pants: I've seen lovelier.
:Rarity: Oh. Oh, well, uh, changing the subject—
:Fancy Pants: Right. Back to what I want to talk about – me. Earlier today, I made the best point, immediately followed by the best joke. So I laughed and laughed until everypony left. And that's when I realized the most talented pony I ever met... was me.
:Rarity: Wow. I was so nervous about going walkies with you that I didn't realize... I don't like you.
:Fancy Pants: Uhhhh, excuse me?
:Rarity: Bad thing number three! It's you!
:Fancy Pants: Ohhhh, no-no-no, impossible. You see, I never come in third place. [laughs nervously, clears throat] As I was saying...
:[zip!]
:Pinkie Pie: "Sprinkles can't fix everything." [scoffs] Yeah, right!
:Rarity: To be quite frank, the most enjoyable part of the whole thing was freaking out beforehand! [laughs]
:[beat]
:Rarity: Because I did it with all of you.
:Pinkie Pie: Well, I'm glad you were able to stay in the moment, decide you weren't having fun, and go with the flow by hightailing it out of there.
:Rarity: And I'm glad I didn't steal your souffle recipe, jeopardizing your performance and our friendship. [laughs]
:Pinkie Pie: What?
:Rarity: Nothing! Love you!
:Mane Six: Awwwww!
:[credits]