Overture/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy of "Overture". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
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[The episode begins with a depiction of the universe, where Heaven lies in the sky with its golden gates shining. The narrator, Charlie Morningstar, tells a story of how entities called Angels made the universe.]
Charlie Morningstar: Once upon a time, there was a glowing city protected by golden gates known as Heaven. It was ruled by beings of Pure light, Angels that worshiped good and shielded all from evil. 
[As the narration goes on, the images show the silhouette of her father, Lucifer Morningstar, making fireworks, which draws the ire wrath of the angels for his behavior.]
Charlie Morningstar: Lucifer was one of these angels. He was a dreamer with fantastical ideas for All of creation. But he was seen as a troublemaker by the elders of Heaven. For they felt his way of thinking was dangerous to the order of their world. So, he watched as the angels began to expand the universe in their ways. From the dust of Earth, they created Adam and Lilith, equals as the first of Mankind.
[The angels then created a planet called Earth, where they produced the first humans, Adam and Lilith.]
Charlie Morningstar: But, despite this, Adam demanded control, and Lilith refused to submit to his will. She fled the Garden. Drawn in by her fierce independence, Lucifer found her, and the two rebellious dreamers fell deeply in love.
[Lilith rejects Adam and flees, where she meets Lucifer and falls in love.]
Charlie Morningstar: Together, they wished to share the magic of free will with humanity, offering the Fruit of Knowledge to Adam's new bride, Eve, who gladly accepted. 
[They came to Adam's new bride, Eve, to offer her an apple from a tree to bring free will to humanity.]
[But the Earth was shattered by darkness unleashed by them. The angels banished Lucifer and Lilith from Heaven and Earth and into the depths of the black and dark realm now called Hell.]
Charlie Morningstar: But this gift came with a curse. For with this single act of disobedience, evil finally found its way into Earth. With it, a new realm of darkness and sin. And the order Heaven worked to maintain was shattered. As punishment for their reckless act, Heaven cast Lucifer and his love into the dark pit he had created, never allowing him to see the good that came from humanity, only the cruel and the wicked. Ashamed, Lucifer lost his will to dream. 
[While Lucifer stagnated, Lilith thrived and brought Hell to new heights, leading the angels to start the yearly Extermination as population control for the overpopulated demons and sinners.]
Charlie Morningstar: But Lilith thrived, empowering demonkind with her voice and songs. And as the numbers of Hell grew, so did its power. Threatened by this, Heaven made a truly heartless decision. That every year, they would send down an army, an Extermination, to ensure Hell and its sinners could never rise against them. But Lilith's hope remained. And her dream was passed down to their precious daughter, the Princess of Hell.
[As Charlie finishes narrating, she closes a book titled "The Story of Hell" and looks out to Pentagram City.]
Charlie: Don't worry, Mom. I'll make you proud.
[Charlie soberly looks out the window to Pentagram City burning to the ground, just as Vaggie comes into the room.]
Vaggie: Charlie?
[The key Charlie is holding transforms into KeeKee who scampers away, and Charlie turns to Vaggie in surprise.]
Charlie: Aah! Oh, shit. Did you hear all that?
Vaggie: Uh, yeah. I was right there. 
[Vaggie points her thumb to the doorway.]
Charlie: Sorry. I get pre-tty worked up after an extermination happens. The story helps...
Vaggie: *chuckles* I know. Don't worry, I enjoy your theatrics. Are you okay? *sits down with Charlie*
Charlie: I'm fine. Just... thinking, ya' know? Family stuff.
Vaggie: Did you hear from your mom yet?
[Charlie shakes her head in dismay.]
Vaggie: Oof… how long has it been now?
Charlie: Not that long, only...seven....years, off doing something important, I'm sure! But, this kingdom was something she really cared about. Something I care about. 
Vaggie: Well, at least you aren't alone.
Charlie: I just hope what I'm trying to do here will work.
Vaggie: It will. I have faith in you.
[KeeKee leaps into Charlie's arms as Vaggie stands up.]
Vaggie: Alright, come on. Alastor says he has something to show us. *walks out the room*
[As Vaggie leaves, a loud bell rings throughout the city, and Charlie turns to the Bell Tower at Heaven Embassy. She looks on with sadness, knowing that it's another year before the Extermination comes again.]
----
[The scene turns static before it fixes itself to reveal a sinner stabbing another demon to death with a knife before Alastor caught their attention. As the camera rolls, scenes switches from the front of the Hazbin Hotel, to Charlie on camera and she waves at it before Angel Dust comes into view, putting two-fingers over the head prank behind her, to Charlie’s interview with Katie Killjoy, then a picture of her crying as she faces away from her father who was in the opposite direction under a spotlight, then her showing her plan via poster to a confused crowd, to the bartender, Husk, who was clearly drunk, passing out on the ground as Niffty, the hotel maid, tries to stab and chase after a bug, and then to Angel Dust, with a support beam falling close to KeeKee, scaring the demon cat before running off, and Angel Dust flipping Alastor off, and then the poor drawing of the hotel before the commercial ends.]
Alastor: (the camera turns on with static) Well, hello there, you wayward Sinner! Do you like blood, violence, and depravity of a sexual nature? Of course you do, that's why you're in Hell! But what would you say if I told you there was a place to stay that had none of that? Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel, a misguided path to redemption! Founded five days ago by Lucifer's delusional daughter, Charlotte Morningstar! 
Alastor: Come place your fate in her inexperienced hands, as she tries to work through her daddy issues by fixing you! Here we offer fun things, such as somewhat functional staff and 24-hour pest control. Custom rooms, and just look at this tacky parlor! Enjoy riveting conversation with our singular resident. Wow! All this, and more at the Hazbin Hotel! Your last desperate attempt at salvation starts here! 
[Alastor turns off the television.] 
Alastor: So, what do you think? 
[On the couch, Charlie and Vaggie were surprised of the commercial being poorly misleading and very offensive to their nature, that Vaggie throws a fit at Alastor.] 
Vaggie: I'm sorry. What the fuck was that?
Charlie: Uh, Yeah. One note, Alastor, I mean, first off, thank you so much for making this seriously amazing, but um, maybe the tone is a bit... off? We want people to want to come here. This makes it look, um... 
Vaggie: Bad. The word you're looking for is bad. 
Alastor: Funny. I was going for hilarious. 
Vaggie: It didn't explain anything about how we're trying to save demons from extermination, which is the whole fucking point. 
Charlie: Vaggie is right Alastor, the commercial was to let sinners know we are trying to help them. 
Alastor: Well, my dear, I haven't been active in Hell for some time and everyone remembers me from my radio show, the proper medium to express oneself. But, you insisted on this noisy picture box advertisement. 
[He taps the television twice with his microphone staff.] 
Alastor: So, I had a little fun with it. 
Vaggie: Oh, fun? You had a little fun with it? (stands up) Well, this is not what we want to represent us. When you showed up here a week ago, you told us you would help run this hotel. Instead, you're mocking us. Nobody's gonna wanna come to a place that a powerful overlord like you thinks is a waste of time. 
[Angel Dust raises his hand from the couch, catching everyone's attention.] 
Vaggie: What? 
Angel Dust: If'n you're filming a commercial, can I suggest you take better advantage of the talented celebrity you have right here? 
[Angel Dust takes a bottle with one arm before pointing all three arms at himself, but Vaggie doesn't like it.] 
Vaggie: Angel, you're a porn star. 
Angel Dust: A famous porn star. I'll have the horniest sinners knocking these walls down to get in. 
Vaggie: We are not filming a porn as a commercial. 
Angel Dust: Why not? Sex sells, don't it? I swear if you film me goin' at it with mister fancy talk-creepy voice here, you'd be rollin' in participants willing to stay at this tacky hotel. 
[As he was explaining, Alastor appears right beside the couch next to Angel Dust and laughs with amusement.] 
Alastor: Haha! Never going to happen!
Charlie: Angel, I appreciate you wanting to use your special skills to, um, attract folks to the hotel, but I really don't want to exploit you in that way. 
Angel Dust: Oh, please, baby. This body was made to be exploited. I got the arms, I got the stamina, I got the legs. I got the lung capacity. (laughs). Oh, I got the legs. The gag reflex, the holes, the chest fluff everyone thinks are tits. 
[Charlie chuckles nervously until Charlie's phone rings from Lucifer.]
Charlie: Hold that thought! I'll be right back. 
Angel Dust: I could keep going all night, baby. 
[While Angel drinks his beer, Charlie breathes nervously and answers the call.]
Charlie: Hello? Dad? 
[As Charlie take the phone call, the scene switches to Vaggie, Angel, and Alastor.] 
Angel Dust: Hey, I have a question. If freaky face over there is so powerful, then why can't he just make people stay here?
Alastor: Oh, trust me, 
[Smiles in a mischievously creepy look with dark magic.] 
Alastor: -I can. 
Husk: Why do you think I'm here? 
[The camera moves to Husk at the bar.] 
Husk: You actually think I'd be cleaning bottles and listening to you fucks bitch and moan all the time if he wasn't forcing me? 
[As Husk cleans a bottle, Niffty pops up from behind the counter with a hand raised.] 
Nifty: I like being forced. 
Husk: Keep that to yourself, Niff. 
Angel Dust: What? You don't love being here with me, Whiskers? 
Husk: Call me Whiskers again and I'll jam that bottle down your throat. 
Angel Dust: Kinky. Come on, keep talking dirty. 
Vaggie: *sighs* Angel. Let Husk do his job. And, no, we can't force sinners to stay here. They need to choose to. 
Angel Dust: I'm choosing to be here and I think it's all stupid. We're in hell, toots. That's kind of the end of the road, ain't it?
Vaggie: Well, Maybe it doesn't have to be. Just because nobody has made it out before doesn't mean it's not possible. 
[Angel Dust places a hand on Vaggie's shoulder, giving her a deadpan expression while the latter makes the same one.] 
Angel Dust: Hey, whatever means I can keep crashing here rent-free. Crack is expensive. 
[The scene comes back to Charlie, and after the phone call, she seemed really happy with the news her father brought to her.] 
Charlie: Yeah, I can totally, yeah. I'll head over there right away. Okay? 
[Charlie hangs up the phone and gasp in excitement.] 
Charlie: Yes... YES! 
[Charlie giggles in excitement when she hears about the news until she calls Vaggie in gibberish, waving very franticly that freaks Vaggie out.]
Charlie: VAGGIE, HOLY SHIT! 
Vaggie: Ah! What?
[Charlie waves her to come to her for some exciting news.]
Charlie: *mumbling excitedly* get over here!
[Vaggie sighs happily and comes to Charlie while she is jumping around in a very happy mode. As Angel Dust drinks in the background, Vaggie meets Charlie behind.]
Vaggie: What's going on? 
[Charlie breathes in and out to calm her nerves so she can explain, but she was explaining so fast due to her excitement.]
Charlie: My dad just called, he said that the leader of the Angel Army wants to meet. He asked if I could go instead. 
[Charlie hyperventilates and grabs Vaggie to get up close. Vaggie, however, was confused since the Angels were already done with their extermination and won't be back for another year.] 
Vaggie: But-but, the extermination just happened. What could they want this soon after-
[As Vaggie went on, Charlie was in the mood to get her hotel project to work, and remains hopeful that she starts singing.]
Charlie: ♫ I can do this! Somehow, I know it! ♫
♫ I'll get Heaven behind my plans! ♫
Vaggie: Charlie, hold on...
Charlie: ♫ There's just no way I could blow it. ♫
♫ Not this once-in-a-lifetime chance! ♫
Vaggie: It's just a meeting.
Charlie: ♫To change their minds ♫
♫ And touch their hearts♫ 
♫ Or... whatever angels have! ♫
Vaggie: This could be bad...
Charlie: ♫Cheer up, Vaggie! ♫
♫ This could be swell! ♫
♫Something tells me that today will be a happy day in Hell! ♫
Vaggie: Okay, but just don't... sing to them.
[Just before Vaggie could warn her, Angel Dust, Alastor, Niffty, and Keekee were already at the window where they can see Charlie singing out in the destroyed Pentagram City, as Angel Dust turns back to Vaggie still drinking from a bottle.]
Angel Dust: That bitch is halfway down the street!
Vaggie: Is she—?
Angel Dust: Oh, she's dancin'!
Vaggie: Ugh, no...
[The scene cuts to Charlie making her way down the street, oblivious to the destruction and bodies of dead demons everywhere as she continues to sing her song.]
Charlie: ♫ There's a warm, fuzzy feeling. ♫
♫ That wafts through the air. ♫
♫ Every street so revealing. It's hard not to stare! ♫
[Charlie comes to a window of a sex dungeon where a Hellhound is humping against an imp wearing a sadomasochism mask. They notice her, and Charlie awkwardly flees before continuing to sing.] 
♫ It's a realm so appealing it beats anywhеre. ♫
♫ If you don't mind the smell...♫
[Charlie accidentally steps on a dead shark demon that was releasing a very bad smelly fume into her nose. She cautiously avoids the corpse and presses on the street.]
♫ It's a happy day in Hell! ♫
[Charlie waves at a demon who was holding a newspaper before she catches his attention, revealing himself to be a meth addict with a spoon full of meth.]
Hi, mister! 
(Demon: Go fuck yourself!)
(One demon opens his window, revealing his apartment on fire.)
Demon #1: ♫ There's an endless trash fire that's burning my soul ♫
(Charlie: Hello!)
Demon #2: ♫ And a ton of barbed wire to shove in his hole! ♫ 
(Charlie: Ah, excuse me!)
Demon #3: ♫ Doing what is required, we all have our role. ♫
Sinner #1: ♫ I'm not doin' well! ♫
Demons: ♫ Another shitty day in Hell! ♫
(Charlie climbs on the trunk of the destroyed car and faces the other direction.)
Charlie: ♫ If I can show them the dream I've dreamed. ♫
♫ That any soul can change! ♫
(From the Hazbin Hotel, Vaggie comes into the watchtower, as if she's calling out to her girlfriend.) 
(Vaggie: ♫ Those angels' minds are hard to change. ♫)
♫ Then they will know everyone can be redeemed. ♫
♫ From the evil to the strange! ♫
(Vaggie: ♫ They're bloodthirsty and deranged! ♫)
♫ I can hear all their stories. ♫
♫ The lost and displaced. ♫
♫ And I know that they're more of an acquired taste. ♫ 
♫ But! if I open the door and I give them a place. ♫
♫ At my Hazbin Hotel. It'll be a happy day in Hell! ♫
[A truck comes by, and Charlie hitches a ride from behind so she can get around the city such as the porn studios, and the Cannibal Town
.]''
Charlie: ♫ From the porn studio. ♫
♫ Where the cinephiles go. ♫
♫ To watch award-winning demon bukkake shows! ♫
♫ To the Cannibal Town. Where they don't wear a frown 'cause. ♫
[Charlie was shot in the eye with blood from one of the corpses that the cannibals were eating on.]
Charlie: ♫ Holy shit! Ew, my gosh! WHY?! ♫
♫ And I don't give a crow that. His brain's got in my eye! ♫
♫ Cause I know I can spare them. From Heaven's genocide! ♫
♫ I can do this, I just know it! ♫ 
(Sinner #1: ♫ There's an endless trash fire that's burning my soul. ♫)
♫ I'll get Heaven behind my plans! ♫
♫ There's just no way I could blow it. ♫
(Sinner #2: I kinda like the barbed wire that's shoved in my hole.)
♫ Not this once-in-a-lifetime chance! ♫
♫ To change their minds. ♫
[Right in the moment, a slug with a trenchcoat comes into picture, exhibiting his nudist body in front of Charlie, which creeps her out.]
(Trenchcoat Demon: ♫ And touch my parts! ♫)
Charlie: Uh... No thank you. I'm just gonna...
♫ Fulfill my destiny!♫ 
(Trenchcoat Demon: Your loss, bitch!)
♫ I can already tell! ♫ 
♫ Today is gonna bе a fuckin' happy day in Hell!♫
[Charlie has gotten to right where she wants to be, the Heaven Embassy with the watchtower. She opens the door to peek inside.] 
Charlie: Hello! *voice echoes*
[Charlie enters through the door and finds the whole embassy deserted. She walks to the front desk to check in.]
Charlie: Hello? *voice echoes* Creepy...
[Charlie comes to the front desk with no one but a single bell. She taps the bell to ring it, and at the instant, a golden scroll and feather ink pen floats from above over to her.]
Charlie: Oh, okay... *signs it* Also creepy.
[The scroll and feather flies up before disappearing. Right then, the twin doors slide open to show Charlie the meeting room, and she enters inside the dark room with no one around.]
Charlie: Uh...hello? Is anyone here?
[The lights suddenly switched on, revealing two angels at the end of the room, with one being a exorcist lieutenant, Lute and the big boss leader of the Angel Army, Adam, who is eating a rib in his hand.]
Adam: 'Sup!
Charlie: Holy, shit!
[Charlie immediately fell down after getting surprised by the sudden appearance of two angels in the room. She gets back up and readjusts herself to introduce herself properly.]
Charlie: Hi, I'm Charlie. My dad asked me if I could meet you.
Adam: Yeah, I know.
Charlie: Okay, well. 
[Adam eats his rib like a buzzsaw] 
Charlie: It's nice to meet you.
Adam: Totally. It's nice to meet you, too.
[Adam reaches over to give Charlie a handshake, and as she was about to shake his hand, her hand slips right through, revealing him to be a hologram, fizzing on and off after being touched, which freaks Charlie out.]
Adam: Ha! I fucking got you. *turns to Lute* Did you see that? 
[Lute nods once.]
Adam: Ha. Good shit.
[Charlie was trying to get something straight with Adam being a hologram.]
Charlie: Uh...so, wait. You aren't here?
Adam: No, you think I'd come down there? *laughs* No, I mean, I love the vibe, totally, I love your tunes. Pretty fucking hardcore, don't get me wrong. But! it's such a bummer! man. Everything down there's just so "eugh", ya know? *chuckles* Ew.
Charlie: Right. So, I'm happy we've got this opportunity to meet. There's a project that I've been working on that I really want to talk to you about-
[Adam puts his finger on Charlie's lips to quiet her down for a moment.]
Adam: Hey, hey, hey, hey, slow down. We've got time. How about we get to know each other a little. Mmm. How about lunch? You hungry? I got you.
[Adam takes a plate of ribs he's been eating toward Charlie.]
Adam: Here's my personal favorite. You'll love it.
Charlie: Uh...thanks.
[Charlie went to take a piece of a rib, but her hand past right through them, also revealing to be a hologram, as they fizz on and off from the touch, and Adam laughs.]
Adam: I got you again, bitch! *laughs* Fuckin' hilarious!
[Charlie makes a small unamused chuckle alongside Adam's hyper laughter.]
----
(The scene cuts back to the Hazbin Hotel, where the workers and residents are summoned by Vaggie to discuss their poorly misleading commercial. Angel Dust is constantly looking at Husk with seductive gaze while Husk is glaring daggers at him. Vaggie's legs come into the camera before switching back to in person.)
Vaggie: Okay, so, Charlie is dealing with something very important, so while she's gone, we are making a new commercial. One that represents her vision and what we're doing here. So, we need a camera. (Turning to Alastor) Alastor?
(Alastor snaps his fingers to conjure up a camera for Vaggie; however, the camera is a folding-type old photography camera from the 1930s with no recording films at that time. Vaggie is unamused.)
Vaggie: A video camera?
Alastor: Hmmm.
(Despite his extreme distaste for modern technology, Alastor adheres to Vaggie's request and snaps his fingers again, conjuring up a video camera that's poorly used with pieces of tape stuck together.)
Vaggie: Alright! Let's do this!
(The camera switches into the point of view of the video camera recording the bar scene, with Husk behind the counter reading a script in his claws and Angel Dust sitting on a bar stool. The camera whirrs as it brings the two into focus.)
Vaggie: And… Action!
(Husk carefully reads the lines on his script, bringing the script closer to read.)
Husk: "Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel. Can I help you with anything?"
Angel Dust: "I've been a bad boy, and I need a big, strong daddy to put me in my place…on the path to redemption!"
(Husk groans with displeasure and read the script again.)
Husk: "Well, you come—"
Angel Dust: (moaning) "Oh, yes!"
Husk: (bored) …"to the right place."
(Vaggie has had it, and stops recording.)
Vaggie: Cut! Okay, Angel, I need you to be less horny if possible, and Husk, can you maybe not have the script in front of your face?
Husk: (Angrily) I ain't no actor! I can't memorize this shit!
Angel Dust: Well, we could improv this shit, baby cakes. (gets closer to Husk's face) Rrawwr. (purrs seductively)
(Husk gets irritated by Angel Dust and shoves him off the counter painfully hard.)
Husk: Whoops.
(Husk grabs a bottle and drinks it.)
Vaggie: (Offscreen) Husk, come on.
----
(Cutting back to Charlie's meeting with Adam, she's looked bored, propping herself on her elbows while listening to Adam exaggeratingly boasting about himself and his sex life. The camera cuts to Adam.)
Adam: So, I was playin' this gig, and for some fuckin' reason, this virtue chick was diggin' on the drummer, and it's like, "do you know who I am? I'm fuckin' Adam. I'm the original dick!" (pointing to his penis down the table) All dicks descend from me. You think you want drummer dick? (Lute shaking her head) No way! I'm the Dick-fuckin' master! (eats a mouthful of ribs sloppily) So, anyway, then we fucked, and it was awesome. What'd you do this weekend?
Charlie: Wait, your name is Adam? Like the first man Adam, that means you…Oh….
(Charlie puts the pieces together, realizing this is the reason why her mother left him, making her wince.)
Charlie: (low voice) That explains so much.
Adam: I know. I fucking rock. (Holds up his hand in the sign of the horns.)
(Charlie brushes off the awkwardness from Adam and gets to her subject of matter in hand.)
Charlie: Well, Adam, sir. Mr. Adam, sir.
Adam: Call me, Dickmaster.
Charlie: Adam. You seem like a smart— (pauses) …well, stand up guy.
Adam: (picking his teeth) Uh-huh.
Charlie: And I know you are the leader of the angels. And you are a big thinker, a revolutionary. A— A genius!
Adam: I mean, your words, babe.
Charlie: Who would really love to put his name on something.
Adam: Fucking love putting my name on shit! Shit's the best!
Charlie: It's a solution to our biggest problem!
Adam: Oh, herpes. Yeah, that's a bitch.
Charlie: No! Our... other biggest problem.
Adam: Oh…uh..ugly people? Math? Global Warming? Nah, wait, that's Earth's problem.
(Charlie stares at Adam with deadpan annoyance at how ignorant he is.)
Adam: Ummm...
----
[Cuts back to the hotel. Niffty tries to stab a bug. She tries to stab the bug, but misses, and starts stabbing the bug multiple times before Vaggie stops her]
Niffty: Stab! Stab! Stab!
Vaggie: Alright Niffty, Niffty. Niffty! Your line is "We have the cleanest rooms", okay?
Niffty: Got it. I'm ready.
[Vaggie turns the camera to Niffty.
Vaggie: Action!
[Upon saying action, instead of saying the line, Niffty freezes and stares blankly at the camera without a breath or blinking from the scene. Vaggie lowers the camera, looking puzzled. Angel also peers in. Close up on Niffty making a blank stare with a ominous shrinking pupil. Angel slowly backs away, already creeped out.]
Vaggie: Uhh, cut.
Niffty: *snaps out of it and back to her cheerful self* (giggles) How was that?
Vaggie: Well, Niffty, you actually have to say the line, so let's roll again.
Niffty: Ok!
Vaggie: Action!
[Niffty freezes again, leaving Vaggie irritated, as Angel comes close to her face.]
Angel Dust: *smug* (whisper) You're doing great, Vagina.
Vaggie: (irritated) Cut! Alright, uhh… maybe we can try to… fix it in post.
Angel Dust: Do you even know what that means?
Vaggie: *angrily* I'll figure it out!
----
[The next scene cuts to a dark room with Vaggie sitting in front of a broken TV, watching the poorly edited shots of the commercial. She groans with frustration before Alastor enters the room.]
Alastor: Seems like you're having a bit of a trouble there, hmm?
Vaggie: Ugh, este pendejo (this asshole)... Why are you even here?
[Alastor takes a seat on a couch next to her.]
Alastor: For the entertainment.
[Alastor's shadow slips out of his form before reappearing behind the couch, making laughing gestures.]
Alastor: I came here because I love seeing wasteful souls struggle to accomplish something meaningful and (shadow disappears) fail spectacularly, like you are doing now. Good job!
[Vaggie, getting ticked off by Alastor and his carefree insults, stands up and turns the camera toward him.]
Vaggie: (points the camera to Alastor) And here is Alastor, the egocentric piece of shit that—
[As Vaggie is panning the camera scene up to Alastor's face, the video camera glitches violently from green to red and Vaggie freaks out, dropping the sparking camera onto the floor.]
Vaggie: UGH!
Alastor: I wouldn't try that, my dear. (pointing to his face) This face was made for radio.
[As Alastor explains, his pupils turn into the shape of radio dials, and the scene goes nearly static before fixing itself back to normal on Vaggie. She has had it with Alastor's insults and walks up to him.]
Vaggie: That's it. I don't care who or what you are. If you're staying here, you're going to make this work, because it won't be so (imitating Alastor's voice) "entertaining" (back to normal voice) to watch over an empty hotel, will it, shitass?
[As Vaggie returns to her chair, Alastor watches her with narrowed eyes.] 
Alastor: [shrugging] Fair enough. [approaches her] I'll tell you what. Let's make a deal.
Vaggie: Pfft, you think I'm that stupid, making a deal with a demon like you?
Alastor: Not for your soul, just a simple deal. I do this for you, and you never ask me to engage with this frivolous television technology ever again.
[Vaggie has second thoughts on letting Alastor do the work for her.]
Alastor: Or…Charlie can come back to absolutely nothing. Your choice.
[Vaggie glances away for a brief moment before making her decision.]
Vaggie: *sighs* Fine.
[Vaggie picks up the camera and places it in Alastor's hand, where green energy skulls start swirling around it.]
Alastor: Now then!
[Alastor evaporates the camera with a clap of his hand, then snaps his fingers, conjuring equipment for a film set, summoning Angel Dust, Husk, and Niffty, and dressing up everyone in the Roaring Twenties. Ink demons are conjured up as additional film crew members.]
Vaggie: Alright everyone, let's make a fucking commercial.
----
[Cuts to Charlie looking exasperated with another of Adam's sexist rants of women and his masculinity.]
Adam: You know when you take her out for the fifth time and she still expects you to pay the check but you're like, (high pitched-voice) "Hey, I thought you wanted equality."
Charlie: NO! Our shared problem of overpopulation in Hell!
Adam: Ohh. (pauses, then laughs) Well, that's not a problem! We got that covered! (turning to Lute) Lute, how many demons did you kill this year?
Lute: Got a good 275 this year, sir.
Adam: 275? Woah! Badass! Awesome job, danger tits! Pound it.
[Adam raises a fist for Lute to make a fist-bump, which she does.]
Charlie: Uh no, not awesome. Those are my people. You know that, right?
Adam: Oh yeah. That must suck for you! *bursts into laughter*
Charlie: But these are souls...Human souls just the same as the ones you have up in heaven.
Lute: (coldly)  They are not the same. They had their chance and they earned damnation.
Charlie: You're wrong. Sinners made mistakes, sure, but everyone makes mistakes.
Lute: Angels don't make mistakes.
Charlie: You really think that.
Lute: I know that.
Adam: Yeah, I've never made a mistake in my fuckin' life.
[As Lute comes around the table, the scene turns slightly darker with ominous red.]
Lute: The only reason you're still here is because daddy gave you and your hellborn kind a pardon from an exorcist blade. How does that feel, to know how little you matter?
Adam: Oops, almost out of time. Guess we should get into it.
Charlie: Oh, fuck!
[Charlie rushes to present her plan as fast as she can, summoning a stack of papers to the table.]
Charlie: Okay, I've got a lot to get through and not a lot of time, and I feel like you weren't hearing me before, so here it goes. (clears throat)
[Charlie starts singing quickly, pulling drawings from the stack to show them what she means.]
Charlie: ♫ I know Hell's population is out of control. ♫
♫ It's a bad situation. ♫
♫ It's taking a toll. ♫
♫ If we rehab these Sinners. ♫
♫ And cleanse all their souls. ♫
♫ At my Hazbin Hotel—♫
[Charlie puts down the drawings she's holding and reaches for another.]
Charlie: Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself!
♫ Right! Extermination! ♫
♫ I know you guys fly down. ♫
♫ Just to kill once a year. ♫
♫ And it must be annoying. ♫
♫ To schlep all the way here. ♫
♫ If they join you in Heaven. ♫
♫ That trip disappears! ♫
♫ You can wave that chore farewell. ♫
♫ (deep breath) It'll be a happy day in— ♫
Adam: ♫ Let me stop you right there. ♫
Charlie: Oh—
Adam: ♫ Save us all precious time. ♫
Charlie: Okay...
Adam: ♫ If what you're suggesting. ♫
♫ Is letting them climb. ♫
♫ Up the ladder. ♫
♫ Oh, they'd rather cross the Pearly Gates? ♫
Charlie: Well, uh—
Adam: ♫ Sorry, sweetie. But there's no defyin' their fates! ♫
♫ 'Cause Hell is forever. ♫
♫ Whether you like it or not. ♫
♫ Had their chance to behave better. ♫
♫ Now they boil in the pot. ♫
♫ 'Cause the rules are black and white. ♫
♫ There's no use in tryin' to fight it. ♫
♫ They're burnin' for their lives. ♫
♫ Until we kill 'em again! ♫
Charlie: Okay, but—
Adam: ♫ Just try to chillax, babe. ♫
♫ You're wasting your breath. ♫
Charlie: Hehe...
Adam: ♫ Did I hear you imply. ♫
♫ That they don't deserve death?
♫ Are they Winners? ♫
♫ Are they Sinners? ♫
♫ 'Cause it's cut and dry. ♫
Charlie: Well, actually, if you take a look—
Adam: ♫ Fair is fair, an eye for an eye! ♫
♫ And when all's said and done (Said and done) ♫
♫ There's the question of fun (Fun) ♫
♫ And for those of us with Divine Ordainment. ♫
♫ Extermination is entertainment! ♫
♫ Bow-now-now-nownow ♫
♫ Guitar solo, fuck yeah! ♫
♫ [Adam sings guitar solo] ♫
[Charlie gets up after being knocked down by Adam]
Charlie: Ugh...
Adam: ♫ Hell is forever. ♫
♫ Whether you like it or not. ♫
♫ Had their chance to behave better. ♫
[Four golden mirages of Exorcists appear, surrounding Charlie from all sides.]
(Charlie: Where the hell did you people come from?!)
♫ Now they boil in the pot. ♫
♫ 'Cause the rules are black and white. ♫
♫ There's no use in tryin' to fight it. ♫
♫ They're burnin' for their lives. ♫
♫ Until we kill 'em again! ♫
♫ Fuckin' Hell is forever. ♫
♫ And it's meant to suck a lot. ♫
♫ So give up your dumb endeavor. ♫
♫ 'Cause you don't have a shot! ♫
[Charlie gets so angry that she turns into her demon form, making a growling noise as she burns the paper she's holding]
♫ Long as I've got your attention. ♫
♫ I guess I should probably mention. ♫
♫ That we've made the determination. ♫
♫ To move up the next Extermination! ♫
[He brandishes a scroll reading "FUCK YOU I DO WHAT I WANT!!"]
Charlie: What?!
Adam: ♫ Can't wait a whole year. ♫
♫ To slaughter those little cunts. ♫
♫ I know it's just been a week. ♫
♫ But we'll be back in six months! ♫
[Despite being a hologram, Adam grabs Charlie and throws her right out of the door. Lute throws her papers after her.]
Charlie: Um, wait, you-you—
[As Charlie tries to get to Adam, the door slowly closes while he continues to do a guitar solo shredding. It fully closes before she can reach him.]
Charlie: [tearing up] Ugh, SHIT!
[Defeated, Charlie slams a fist on the door before the scene cuts to black.]
----
[Charlie sadly returns to the hotel. Vaggie runs to her and hugs her.]
Vaggie: Charlie! How did it go, did they listen?
Charlie: Oh, they sure did… hear it. But, um-
Vaggie: Oh, come here! We have something exciting to show you.
[Vaggie leads Charlie to the group]
Vaggie: Alastor pulled some strings and it's about to air.
Alastor: I pulled a few limbs too, hahaha!
Charlie: Wait, the commercial? You all made a new one?
Angel Dust: Yeah, one of my better performances if I do say so myself.
Charlie: *beaming and tearing up* That's... that's amazing.
Angel Dust: Sshh, it's starting.
Vaggie (On TV): Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel - 
[TV cuts to a breaking news report]
[Vaggie, Charlie and Angel get annoyed and angrily complain. Niffty claps and giggles.]
Katie Killjoy: Breaking news in Hell today! We have just received word from the Heaven Embassy that the next Extermination is happening sooner than ever before. Do you know what that means, Tom?
Tom Trench: No, what does that mean, Katie?
Katie Killjoy: It means we're all royally fucked! *Eye twitches*
[Screaming can be heard from Sinners as the time on the Clock Tower reduces to 176 days until the next Extermination.]
Angel: Wait, what? Why?! 
----
[A drone scours an area until it finds a dead Exorcist corpse with its head missing. The drone scans the corpse.]
Lute: We found the body, sir. They've never managed to kill one of us before. We should just go down there now and destroy them!
Adam: No, no. We can't risk them catching on. But don't worry. When we come back, there won't be a demon left alive to pull a stunt like this again!
[Adam slams a fist on the projector, destroying it and causing its light to disappear, leaving only Adam's glowing evil smile.]
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Category:Transcripts
Category:Hazbin Hotel transcripts