IN THE FOREST SOUTH OF FREYL

'In the Forest South of Freyl' is a short story set in Nillamandor.
It features the characters of Bandrax, Mary, Decalis and Roztov.
The entire text is shown below:
IN THE FOREST SOUTH OF FREYL
We were camped in the forest somewhere near the border. Since we had a druid withus the campsite was well chosen, out of the wind and snug. The fire chuckledmerrily and the moon shone down between the evergreen trees. The pleasant smell ofpine needles and wood smoke hung in the air.
We were in no hurry to go to sleep since tomorrow would be the last leg of ourjourney. A leisurely half day's stroll to the village of Freyl.
The druid was the only one no longer awake. He was an old man and said that hisbones had grown so tired he didn't like sleeping on the ground much these days. Sohe shape shifted into the form of a gigantic brown bear whenever he slept in thewild. He said it was much more comfortable and it certainly looked it.
Gentle snoring came from the big heap of fur on the other side of the fire.I myself was resting my head on Bandrax's leg and Decalis was lying looking up atthe stars to my right.'Uhh...', I said breaking the silence, 'It's so relaxing and warm here, but Ireally need to go pee before I turn in.'Bandrax snorted then said 'Here we go again.'Decalis, an elf, shook his head in the gloom 'Please not another conversation aboutbodily functions. Is there not another topic you can discuss?''What better topic is there?' replied Bandrax, who was a much more rugged and downto earth character than the refined elf 'It is a natural process and we aresurrounded by nature after all.'Decalis broke a twig and threw both pieces on the fire.'Your disgusting little talks are probably why Roztov always goes to sleep soearly.'We made no reply to that for several minutes, but in the end Bandrax could notresist,'You know. He has it easier than all of us. He doesn't even have any trousers topull down.''Oh please' groaned Decalis and mimicked looking around 'Is there another campfireI can go to?'I was genuinely intrigued though, 'I would have thought he turns back into a manbefore he does his.. you know ..'Bandrax chuckled, 'Come on! He's a bear. This is the woods. You work it out.'I nodded in the darkness, 'Hmm. You're probably right.'Bandrax as he reached up to scratch his beard. It was going gray around the chinnow, I suppose he was not far away from forty. Men seemed to age so fast.'Anyway', he said, scratching away 'You being a wizard, why can't you just conjureup some magic pants?''Magic pants?''You know, just teleport all the .. stuff .. into the Astral Plane or something?''Uh huh.'Bandrax was warming to his idea now 'You would find a market for it I'm sure. When Iwas a King's Guard in Timu I could have done with something like that. That armourtakes half an hour to take off and what with my bowels being the way they are...'Decalis who had had his head in his hands, looked up.'Are you suggesting...?''Oh well!' laughed the man 'Let's just say I had a few narrow escapes that's all.They eat nothing but pastry in that city and it's murder on my digestion.'It was true, myself, Bandrax and Decalis had been friends for twenty years,adventuring all over Nillimandor and had grown wealthy doing it. I'd seen Bandraxslaughter armies of orcs and goblins with his magical sword 'Ghost Bringer' but dueto his irritable bowel he would run in terror from a pork pie.'Well, it will be good healthy food at Drako's. He has a torm cook.'Bandrax licked his lips, he was fond of his food 'I'm looking forward to it. It willbe good to see him again too.'Drako was the wizard I had trained under. I myself, I should explain, an a torm,one of the many halfling races that inhabit Nillimandor, I was born on the southside of the border making me a 'fressle' in the local language and I was taken inby Drako when just a child. He had seen potential in me and tutored me in the artof magic.A few moments later the bear rolled over, got up onto all fours and wander into thedarkness of the forest.'Care to speculate what he's about to do?' Bandrax asked Decalis.'For the love of the Goddess. Stop.' grumbled the elf.'Come on!' said the man with a smile in his voice 'Are you telling me elves don'tpoo?''Of coarse we do! We just don't talk about it.''Little things like rabbit dropping I should imagine, with hardly any smell atall.''Be quiet. We never discuss such base things.''So when the Queen of Greenmarches goes to push one out' said Bandrax putting on anair of genuine confusion, 'What does she tell her courtiers?'Still, after twenty years, Decalis could not help but rise to this sort of teasingfrom Bandrax,'Your ignorant monkey brain can not comprehend the subtleties of the elvishlanguage. We use metaphor and euphemism for everything.'Bandrax could speak elvish reasonable well having traveled and lived with one forso long and in a high falsetto voice did a reasonable impression of their Queen.'Oh, my lords and ladies!', he squeaked 'Please pray excuse me! Prithee I mustleave you for a moment. One has a sewer snake to release.'By now I was choking with mirth. Bandrax continued,'One has to go bait a trap! One has to go build a log cabin!'If I could have joined in I would have, but I was having a coughing fit. Bandrax wasa seasoned jester though and went on,'My lords, I must go curl one off! I must go deceive a fart. I have to de-cork thebottle. Make way for your queen, I must drop a hoop snake. I must go and free thechocolate hostages. I have a trumpet recital to attend. I have to grow a tail. Itis time to release the Kracken.. I have to shed some ballast .. um wait I've gotanother one...''Enough!', cried the elf, then he hissed quietly since we were in a reasonablydangerous part of the country after all, 'Enough with the toilet humour! I will nothear my queen disrespected in this way!'The elf threw a boot at the man. I continued to choke with mirth.Bandrax said 'Very well! I yield my lord. I yield!''Sometimes I wonder', grumbled the elf 'Him I can understand, but you Mary? Youencourage him! You trained under the mighty Drako and are yourself one of the mostpowerful wizard's in Timu, all of Nillimandor probably. I once saw you bring down ahill giant with a single magic fireball and yet you behave like a child half thetime.''I'm sorry Decalis' I said, rather taken aback by his stern tone.Then I saw that he was smiling in the darkness and I realised that he too wasjoking. Bandrax reached down and ruffled my hair,'Don't worry half-pint. You are really annoying but we still love you.'As usual they were both blaming me when as far I was concerned I was completelyinnocent in the entire thing. What you must remember is that myself and Decaliswere still children really. Torms can live to two hundred and elves just go on andon.Just then the tall figure of Rostov strode up to the fire. He was back in the shapeof a man.'There I was unloading a traveler when I heard all this kerfuffle coming from backat the camp. It frightened my right into my skin. I come rushing back and find youare all just giggling like children,'I knew Roztov was not being serious. He was like a father too us, old and wise. Weknew he was old although he did not look it. Druids aged differently, but by mycalculation he must have been seventy at least.He re-seated himself by the fire and warmed his hands. I could see his long blondehair and beard framing a friendly open face.Although we had had our fair share of adventure it was nothing compared to him. Hehad literally been all over the world, as far west as the Isle of Dragons and asfar east as the Three Kingdoms of Yaja. Roztov was an ambassador for the GreatForest and although in semi-retirement he liked nothing more than travel and thatwas the main reason were were taking the slow way to Freyl rather than using amagical option.'Sorry Roz, we were just discussing Mary's magic pants.'I slapped Bandrax's thigh at that. Roztov raised an eyebrow.'Oh really?''That's it!' I declared and jumped up 'I really have to go now.''Is it a big job or a small one?''Oh don't start again!' I cried 'Anyway, I told you I'm just going for a pee. ThenI'm going to sleep.'Bandrax sat up and called after me,'You mean you are going to talk to grandma? Spend a penny? Drain the dragon? Flushthe scuppers? Siphon the weasel? Leak the lizard? Shake hands with the wife's bestfriend? Wash the mongoose?... ahhh... oh she's gone.'I was still with in earshot, but was concentrating on my business.What with all the layers of skirts, underskirts and underwear I'd just had to fightthrough to be in a position to 'water the flowers' I'd started to wonder if magicpants wasn't such a bad idea after all.
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Category:Short Stories