Splatoon 3/News

The following is a list of all possible dialogue options for the News Broadcast in Splatoon 3. It includes stage dialogue, Radio-Octave's interruptions, Splatfest dialogue, and other event-exclusive dialogue.
==First Broadcast==
Rising Tide 	Rising Tide 	Rising Tide 	Rising Tide 	Rising Tide
 	 	 	 	
 	What's groovy, Inkopolis? 	What's groovy, Inkopolis? 	What's groovy, Inkopolis? 	
 	It's Rising Tide, coming to you liiiiiiive from Downtown Inkopolis! 	It's Rising Tide, coming to you liiiiiiive from Downtown Inkopolis! 	It's Rising Tide, coming to you liiiiiiive from Downtown Inkopolis! 	It's Rising Tide, coming to you liiiiiiive from Downtown Inkopolis!
We'll be presenting stage rotation broadcasts from now on, now that Pearl and Marina are busy with their music shop - which you should totally check out if you're ever downtown! 	We'll be presenting stage rotation broadcasts from now on, now that Pearl and Marina are busy with their music shop - which you should totally check out if you're ever downtown! 	We'll be presenting stage rotation broadcasts from now on, now that Pearl and Marina are busy with their music shop - which you should totally check out if you're ever downtown! 	We'll be presenting stage rotation broadcasts from now on, now that Pearl and Marina are busy with their music shop - which you should totally check out if you're ever downtown! 	
 	That is, if you're fresh enough. 	That is, if you're fresh enough. 	That is, if you're fresh enough. 	That is, if you're fresh enough.
*gasp* We haven't introduced ourselves yet! 	*gasp* We haven't introduced ourselves yet! 	*gasp* We haven't introduced ourselves yet! 	*gasp* We haven't introduced ourselves yet! 	
 	Huh, you're right. You first. 	Huh, you're right. You first. 	Huh, you're right. You first. 	Huh, you're right. You first.
No, no, you! After all, you're standing on the left. 	No, no, you! After all, you're standing on the left. 	No, no, you! After all, you're standing on the left. 	No, no, you! After all, you're standing on the left. 	
 	Uh, alright. My name's Meena, and I'm the choreographer of the group. 	Uh, alright. My name's Meena, and I'm the choreographer of the group. 	Uh, alright. My name's Meena, and I'm the choreographer of the group. 	Uh, alright. My name's Meena, and I'm the choreographer of the group.
And I'm Remora! Lead singer of Rising Tide, and totally psyched to be here!!! 	And I'm Remora! Lead singer of Rising Tide, and totally psyched to be here!!! 	And I'm Remora! Lead singer of Rising Tide, and totally psyched to be here!!! 	And I'm Remora! Lead singer of Rising Tide, and totally psyched to be here!!! 	
 	Now that we've got introductions out of the way, let's get down to business. 	Now that we've got introductions out of the way, let's get down to business. 	Now that we've got introductions out of the way, let's get down to business. 	Now that we've got introductions out of the way, let's get down to business.
Secret Sea Snail Society PSA 	Secret Sea Snail Society PSA 	Secret Sea Snail Society PSA 	Secret Sea Snail Society PSA 	Secret Sea Snail Society PSA
 	 	 	 	
 	You've probably already noticed, but there's been a bunch of posters put up about something called the "Secret Sea Snail Society". 	You've probably already noticed, but there's been a bunch of posters put up about something called the "Secret Sea Snail Society". 	You've probably already noticed, but there's been a bunch of posters put up about something called the "Secret Sea Snail Society". 	You've probably already noticed, but there's been a bunch of posters put up about something called the "Secret Sea Snail Society".
The posters say some stuff about participating in some challenges to earn Sea Snails. Whatever it is, it sounds wicked shady. They're probably big time trouble, so watch out. 	The posters say some stuff about participating in some challenges to earn Sea Snails. Whatever it is, it sounds wicked shady. They're probably big time trouble, so watch out. 	The posters say some stuff about participating in some challenges to earn Sea Snails. Whatever it is, it sounds wicked shady. They're probably big time trouble, so watch out. 	The posters say some stuff about participating in some challenges to earn Sea Snails. Whatever it is, it sounds wicked shady. They're probably big time trouble, so watch out. 	
 	I dunno, Rem', I could do with a few extra Sea Snails myself. 	I dunno, Rem', I could do with a few extra Sea Snails myself. 	I dunno, Rem', I could do with a few extra Sea Snails myself. 	I dunno, Rem', I could do with a few extra Sea Snails myself.
Even. 	Even. 	Even. 	Even. 	
 	Not even. 	Not even. 	Not even. 	Not even.
Do you really need Sea Snails so bad that you'd hang out with this shady bunch? 	Do you really need Sea Snails so bad that you'd hang out with this shady bunch? 	Do you really need Sea Snails so bad that you'd hang out with this shady bunch? 	Do you really need Sea Snails so bad that you'd hang out with this shady bunch? 	
 	Chill. But think about it, you can only get Sea Snails from Splatfests, and it's not like we can participate in Splatfests anymore, since we'll be hosting them. 	Chill. But think about it, you can only get Sea Snails from Splatfests, and it's not like we can participate in Splatfests anymore, since we'll be hosting them. 	Chill. But think about it, you can only get Sea Snails from Splatfests, and it's not like we can participate in Splatfests anymore, since we'll be hosting them. 	Chill. But think about it, you can only get Sea Snails from Splatfests, and it's not like we can participate in Splatfests anymore, since we'll be hosting them.
...You've got a point, Meena. 	...You've got a point, Meena. 	...You've got a point, Meena. 	...You've got a point, Meena. 	
Tentatonne Gym Now Open 	Tentatonne Gym Now Open 	Tentatonne Gym Now Open 	Tentatonne Gym Now Open 	Tentatonne Gym Now Open
 	 	 	 	
The Tentatonne Gym has opened! 	The Tentatonne Gym has opened! 	The Tentatonne Gym has opened! 	The Tentatonne Gym has opened! 	
 	Nice! I think I might squeeze in a quick workout after work. 	Nice! I think I might squeeze in a quick workout after work. 	Nice! I think I might squeeze in a quick workout after work. 	Nice! I think I might squeeze in a quick workout after work.
Hmm, mind if I join? 	Hmm, mind if I join? 	Hmm, mind if I join? 	Hmm, mind if I join? 	
 	Go ahead, just don't run straight to the Crust Bucket after... 	Go ahead, just don't run straight to the Crust Bucket after... 	Go ahead, just don't run straight to the Crust Bucket after... 	Go ahead, just don't run straight to the Crust Bucket after...
Wha?! Me? Never! 	Wha?! Me? Never! 	Wha?! Me? Never! 	Wha?! Me? Never! 	
 	Back to the news broadcast - the Tentatonne Gym offers several options for offline battles, in both singleplayer and local play modes. 	Back to the news broadcast - the Tentatonne Gym offers several options for offline battles, in both singleplayer and local play modes. 	Back to the news broadcast - the Tentatonne Gym offers several options for offline battles, in both singleplayer and local play modes. 	Back to the news broadcast - the Tentatonne Gym offers several options for offline battles, in both singleplayer and local play modes.
The gym's also offering private sessions where you can learn the basics of certain weapon classes, but the only ones available at the moment are Chargers, Rollers, and Sloshers. 	The gym's also offering private sessions where you can learn the basics of certain weapon classes, but the only ones available at the moment are Chargers, Rollers, and Sloshers. 	The gym's also offering private sessions where you can learn the basics of certain weapon classes, but the only ones available at the moment are Chargers, Rollers, and Sloshers. 	The gym's also offering private sessions where you can learn the basics of certain weapon classes, but the only ones available at the moment are Chargers, Rollers, and Sloshers. 	
 	You should try that Slosher lesson, Rem'! You're always splatting the walls instead of over them. 	You should try that Slosher lesson, Rem'! You're always splatting the walls instead of over them. 	You should try that Slosher lesson, Rem'! You're always splatting the walls instead of over them. 	You should try that Slosher lesson, Rem'! You're always splatting the walls instead of over them.
Very funny, Miss "I'll Just Splash My Inkbrush Everywhere". 	Very funny, Miss "I'll Just Splash My Inkbrush Everywhere". 	Very funny, Miss "I'll Just Splash My Inkbrush Everywhere". 	Very funny, Miss "I'll Just Splash My Inkbrush Everywhere". 	
Ammo Knights Under New Management 	Ammo Knights Under New Management 	Ammo Knights Under New Management 	Ammo Knights Under New Management 	Ammo Knights Under New Management
 	 	 	 	
 	We've just got word that Sheldon's retiring from the weapon-selling business! 	We've just got word that Sheldon's retiring from the weapon-selling business! 	We've just got word that Sheldon's retiring from the weapon-selling business! 	We've just got word that Sheldon's retiring from the weapon-selling business!
You'll live on in our hearts, crab dude. 	You'll live on in our hearts, crab dude. 	You'll live on in our hearts, crab dude. 	You'll live on in our hearts, crab dude. 	
 	Take a chill pill, Rem. He's taken a job at Tentatonne teaching the weapon training courses. 	Take a chill pill, Rem. He's taken a job at Tentatonne teaching the weapon training courses. 	Take a chill pill, Rem. He's taken a job at Tentatonne teaching the weapon training courses. 	Take a chill pill, Rem. He's taken a job at Tentatonne teaching the weapon training courses.
So, who's gonna be taking his place? 	So, who's gonna be taking his place? 	So, who's gonna be taking his place? 	So, who's gonna be taking his place? 	
 	Uh, according to what I've got here, it's... Get out! 	Uh, according to what I've got here, it's... Get out! 	Uh, according to what I've got here, it's... Get out! 	Uh, according to what I've got here, it's... Get out!
Tell me, tell me, tell me! 	Tell me, tell me, tell me! 	Tell me, tell me, tell me! 	Tell me, tell me, tell me! 	
 	It's Taki! 	It's Taki! 	It's Taki! 	It's Taki!
Like, our best friend Taki?! 	Like, our best friend Taki?! 	Like, our best friend Taki?! 	Like, our best friend Taki?! 	
 	Yeah! 	Yeah! 	Yeah! 	Yeah!
Wow! I'm psyched that she's putting her Octoweapon knowledge to good use! What's she working on? 	Wow! I'm psyched that she's putting her Octoweapon knowledge to good use! What's she working on? 	Wow! I'm psyched that she's putting her Octoweapon knowledge to good use! What's she working on? 	Wow! I'm psyched that she's putting her Octoweapon knowledge to good use! What's she working on? 	
 	She's got a new weapon coming out tomorrow. Says it's called the Splat Stamp. It's... like a stationary Roller? It's not made very clear here, and my Octarian is a bit rusty... 	She's got a new weapon coming out tomorrow. Says it's called the Splat Stamp. It's... like a stationary Roller? It's not made very clear here, and my Octarian is a bit rusty... 	She's got a new weapon coming out tomorrow. Says it's called the Splat Stamp. It's... like a stationary Roller? It's not made very clear here, and my Octarian is a bit rusty... 	She's got a new weapon coming out tomorrow. Says it's called the Splat Stamp. It's... like a stationary Roller? It's not made very clear here, and my Octarian is a bit rusty...
Looks like you'll have to head to Ammo Knights for more info! 	Looks like you'll have to head to Ammo Knights for more info! 	Looks like you'll have to head to Ammo Knights for more info! 	Looks like you'll have to head to Ammo Knights for more info! 	
Radio-Octave in the house! 	Radio-Octave in the house! 	Radio-Octave in the house! 	Radio-Octave in the house! 	Radio-Octave in the house!
 	 	 	 	
 	What's cookin', squids? 	What's cookin', squids? 	What's cookin', squids? 	
 	We're Radio-Octave, casting straight from Splatlantis, in the heart of scenic Octo Gorge. 	We're Radio-Octave, casting straight from Splatlantis, in the heart of scenic Octo Gorge. 	We're Radio-Octave, casting straight from Splatlantis, in the heart of scenic Octo Gorge. 	We're Radio-Octave, casting straight from Splatlantis, in the heart of scenic Octo Gorge.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled pop garbage to rock your world! 	We interrupt your regularly scheduled pop garbage to rock your world! 	We interrupt your regularly scheduled pop garbage to rock your world! 	We interrupt your regularly scheduled pop garbage to rock your world! 	
Watch Out for Trespassers 	Watch Out for Trespassers 	Watch Out for Trespassers 	Watch Out for Trespassers 	Watch Out for Trespassers
 	 	 	 	
 	Attention Octarians, we've got a serious problem on our hands. 	Attention Octarians, we've got a serious problem on our hands. 	Attention Octarians, we've got a serious problem on our hands. 	Attention Octarians, we've got a serious problem on our hands.
Pesky Inklings are taking our Zapfish at alarming rates. 	Pesky Inklings are taking our Zapfish at alarming rates. 	Pesky Inklings are taking our Zapfish at alarming rates. 	Pesky Inklings are taking our Zapfish at alarming rates. 	
 	They better not take my precious Zippy! He gets really nervous around strangers... 	They better not take my precious Zippy! He gets really nervous around strangers... 	They better not take my precious Zippy! He gets really nervous around strangers... 	They better not take my precious Zippy! He gets really nervous around strangers...
They're hosting "friendly competitions" to see who can make it furthest into Octarian territory without getting splatted. It's a sport they're calling Octarian Infiltration. 	They're hosting "friendly competitions" to see who can make it furthest into Octarian territory without getting splatted. It's a sport they're calling Octarian Infiltration. 	They're hosting "friendly competitions" to see who can make it furthest into Octarian territory without getting splatted. It's a sport they're calling Octarian Infiltration. 	They're hosting "friendly competitions" to see who can make it furthest into Octarian territory without getting splatted. It's a sport they're calling Octarian Infiltration. 	
 	That's despicable! Splatlantis is our turf! They can't just barge in here and splat our brave Octarian soldiers! 	That's despicable! Splatlantis is our turf! They can't just barge in here and splat our brave Octarian soldiers! 	That's despicable! Splatlantis is our turf! They can't just barge in here and splat our brave Octarian soldiers! 	That's despicable! Splatlantis is our turf! They can't just barge in here and splat our brave Octarian soldiers!
Our best scientists are developing special Octoweapons to combat Squidbeak Splatoon agents taking part in Octarian Infiltrations, so we should be safe for another while, at least...	Our best scientists are developing special Octoweapons to combat Squidbeak Splatoon agents taking part in Octarian Infiltrations, so we should be safe for another while, at least...	Our best scientists are developing special Octoweapons to combat Squidbeak Splatoon agents taking part in Octarian Infiltrations, so we should be safe for another while, at least...	Our best scientists are developing special Octoweapons to combat Squidbeak Splatoon agents taking part in Octarian Infiltrations, so we should be safe for another while, at least...	
 	They're so admirable. Sometimes I wish I'd joined the troops instead of entering the rock industry. 	They're so admirable. Sometimes I wish I'd joined the troops instead of entering the rock industry. 	They're so admirable. Sometimes I wish I'd joined the troops instead of entering the rock industry. 	They're so admirable. Sometimes I wish I'd joined the troops instead of entering the rock industry.
Knowing what Octarian troops go through, I'm honestly glad I-- 	Knowing what Octarian troops go through, I'm honestly glad I-- 	Knowing what Octarian troops go through, I'm honestly glad I-- 	Knowing what Octarian troops go through, I'm honestly glad I-- 	
Frequency Recovered 	Frequency Recovered 	Frequency Recovered 	Frequency Recovered 	Frequency Recovered
 	 	 	 	
Whew, we're back! 	Whew, we're back! 	Whew, we're back! 	Whew, we're back! 	
 	Sorry 'bout that, squiddos. Just some technical glitches. 	Sorry 'bout that, squiddos. Just some technical glitches. 	Sorry 'bout that, squiddos. Just some technical glitches. 	Sorry 'bout that, squiddos. Just some technical glitches.
Let's get back to the program! 	Let's get back to the program! 	Let's get back to the program! 	Let's get back to the program! 	
 	(Who're they calling pop garbage…?) 	(Who're they calling pop garbage…?) 	(Who're they calling pop garbage…?) 	(Who're they calling pop garbage…?)
That's All, Squiddo! 	That's All, Squiddo! 	That's All, Squiddo! 	That's All, Squiddo! 	That's All, Squiddo!
 	 	 	 	
 	Looks like we're outta time. 	Looks like we're outta time. 	Looks like we're outta time. 	Looks like we're outta time.
Until next time... 	Until next time... 	Until next time... 	Until next time... 	
 	Remember to ride the tide! 	Remember to ride the tide! 	Remember to ride the tide! 	
==Intro and Sign-Off==
Rising Tide News Time! 	Rising Tide News Time! 	Rising Tide News Time! 	Rising Tide News Time! 	Rising Tide News Time!
 	 	 	 	
 	What's groovy, Inkopolis? 	What's groovy, Inkopolis? 	What's groovy, Inkopolis? 	
 	Looks like it's that time already! 	Looks like it's that time already! 	Looks like it's that time already! 	Looks like it's that time already!
It's Rising Tide, coming at you liiiiiiiiive from Downtown Inkopolis! 	It's Rising Tide, coming at you liiiiiiiiive from Downtown Inkopolis! 	It's Rising Tide, coming at you liiiiiiiiive from Downtown Inkopolis! 	It's Rising Tide, coming at you liiiiiiiiive from Downtown Inkopolis! 	
Radio-Octave in the House! 	Radio-Octave in the House! 	Radio-Octave in the House! 	Radio-Octave in the House! 	Radio-Octave in the House!
 	 	 	 	
 	What's cookin', squids? 	What's cookin', squids? 	What's cookin', squids? 	
 	We interrupt your regularly scheduled pop garbage to rock your world! 	We interrupt your regularly scheduled pop garbage to rock your world! 	We interrupt your regularly scheduled pop garbage to rock your world! 	We interrupt your regularly scheduled pop garbage to rock your world!
You already know who we are. It's Radio-Octave, straight from the heart of Octo Gorge!	You already know who we are. It's Radio-Octave, straight from the heart of Octo Gorge!	You already know who we are. It's Radio-Octave, straight from the heart of Octo Gorge!	You already know who we are. It's Radio-Octave, straight from the heart of Octo Gorge!	
Time's Up! 	Time's Up! 	Time's Up! 	Time's Up! 	Time's Up!
 	 	 	 	
 	And we're just outta time. 	And we're just outta time. 	And we're just outta time. 	And we're just outta time.
'Til next time... 	'Til next time... 	'Til next time... 	'Til next time... 	
 	Remember to ride the tide! 	Remember to ride the tide! 	Remember to ride the tide! 	
Out of Time 	Out of Time 	Out of Time 	Out of Time 	Out of Time
 	 	 	 	
 	Guess we're done. 	Guess we're done. 	Guess we're done. 	Guess we're done.
That's all for now, so... 	That's all for now, so... 	That's all for now, so... 	That's all for now, so... 	
 	Catch you later! 	Catch you later! 	Catch you later! 	
==Stages==
===Barracuda Boardwalk=== 	
===Barracuda Boardwalk=== 	
===Barracuda Boardwalk=== 	
===Barracuda Boardwalk=== 	
===Barracuda Boardwalk===
 	 	 	 	
 	What's your advice for this stage, Rem? 	What's your advice for this stage, Rem? 	What's your advice for this stage, Rem? 	What's your advice for this stage, Rem?
Don't play it during a sunset. It's super righteous, and you'll totally get distracted. 	Don't play it during a sunset. It's super righteous, and you'll totally get distracted. 	Don't play it during a sunset. It's super righteous, and you'll totally get distracted. 	Don't play it during a sunset. It's super righteous, and you'll totally get distracted. 	
===Blackbelly Skatepark=== 	
===Blackbelly Skatepark=== 	
===Blackbelly Skatepark=== 	
===Blackbelly Skatepark=== 	
===Blackbelly Skatepark===
 	 	 	 	
 	I've gotten some serious air here. 	I've gotten some serious air here. 	I've gotten some serious air here. 	I've gotten some serious air here.
For the last time, Meena, it doesn't count if you Super Jump to me on the middle platform.	For the last time, Meena, it doesn't count if you Super Jump to me on the middle platform. 	For the last time, Meena, it doesn't count if you Super Jump to me on the middle platform. 	For the last time, Meena, it doesn't count if you Super Jump to me on the middle platform. 	
~ 	~ 	~ 	~ 	~
 	Tetra, this reminds me. We gotta hit up the skatepark after recording. 	Tetra, this reminds me. We gotta hit up the skatepark after recording. 	Tetra, this reminds me. We gotta hit up the skatepark after recording. 	Tetra, this reminds me. We gotta hit up the skatepark after recording.
I'll bring the bandages. 	I'll bring the bandages. 	I'll bring the bandages. 	I'll bring the bandages. 	
===Flounder Heights=== 	
===Flounder Heights=== 	
===Flounder Heights=== 	
===Flounder Heights=== 	
===Flounder Heights===
 	 	 	 	
 	I wonder who's living in our first apartment now? 	I wonder who's living in our first apartment now? 	I wonder who's living in our first apartment now? 	I wonder who's living in our first apartment now?
Don't know, don't care. I'm busy living the high life! 	Don't know, don't care. I'm busy living the high life! 	Don't know, don't care. I'm busy living the high life! 	Don't know, don't care. I'm busy living the high life! 	
===Freshwater Car Wash=== 	
===Freshwater Car Wash=== 	
===Freshwater Car Wash=== 	
===Freshwater Car Wash=== 	
===Freshwater Car Wash===
 	 	 	 	
 	Am I the only one who realises just how dangerous this place is? Water kills us. 	Am I the only one who realises just how dangerous this place is? Water kills us. 	Am I the only one who realises just how dangerous this place is? Water kills us. 	Am I the only one who realises just how dangerous this place is? Water kills us.
The danger is all part of the fun, dude! 	The danger is all part of the fun, dude! 	The danger is all part of the fun, dude! 	The danger is all part of the fun, dude! 	
===Humboldt Street=== 	
===Humboldt Street=== 	
===Humboldt Street=== 	
===Humboldt Street=== 	
===Humboldt Street===
 	 	 	 	
 	I did my daily jog down this street yesterday. Wouldn't recommend it. 	I did my daily jog down this street yesterday. Wouldn't recommend it. 	I did my daily jog down this street yesterday. Wouldn't recommend it. 	I did my daily jog down this street yesterday. Wouldn't recommend it.
Did a fire hydrant bust on you again? 	Did a fire hydrant bust on you again? 	Did a fire hydrant bust on you again? 	Did a fire hydrant bust on you again? 	
===MakoMart=== 	
===MakoMart=== 	
===MakoMart=== 	
===MakoMart=== 	
===MakoMart===
 	 	 	 	
 	"Oh no, Meena! My favourite gluten free, carb free, yeast free, bread free bread is out of stock again!"	"Oh no, Meena! My favourite gluten free, carb free, yeast free, bread free bread is out of stock again!"	"Oh no, Meena! My favourite gluten free, carb free, yeast free, bread free bread is out of stock again!"	"Oh no, Meena! My favourite gluten free, carb free, yeast free, bread free bread is out of stock again!"
Some of us have to work to keep in shape, Meanie. 	Some of us have to work to keep in shape, Meanie. 	Some of us have to work to keep in shape, Meanie. 	Some of us have to work to keep in shape, Meanie. 	
===Marlin Railway=== 	
===Marlin Railway=== 	
===Marlin Railway=== 	
===Marlin Railway=== 	
===Marlin Railway===
 	 	 	 	
 	I love getting on a train here and just looking out the window. It's a great place to write lyrics. 	I love getting on a train here and just looking out the window. It's a great place to write lyrics. 	I love getting on a train here and just looking out the window. It's a great place to write lyrics. 	I love getting on a train here and just looking out the window. It's a great place to write lyrics.
I just think it's pretty! 	I just think it's pretty! 	I just think it's pretty! 	I just think it's pretty! 	
~ 	~ 	~ 	~ 	~
 	I'm a people watcher. It's really interesting to see all these new people every time you get on a train.	I'm a people watcher. It's really interesting to see all these new people every time you get on a train.	I'm a people watcher. It's really interesting to see all these new people every time you get on a train.	I'm a people watcher. It's really interesting to see all these new people every time you get on a train.
Meena, I gotta admit, that's a little bit creepy. 	Meena, I gotta admit, that's a little bit creepy. 	Meena, I gotta admit, that's a little bit creepy. 	Meena, I gotta admit, that's a little bit creepy. 	
~ 	~ 	~ 	~ 	~
 	Pfft, trains? Boring. 	Pfft, trains? Boring. 	Pfft, trains? Boring. 	Pfft, trains? Boring.
Here in Splatlantis, we've got state-of-the-art monorails! Book your holiday today. 	Here in Splatlantis, we've got state-of-the-art monorails! Book your holiday today. 	Here in Splatlantis, we've got state-of-the-art monorails! Book your holiday today. 	Here in Splatlantis, we've got state-of-the-art monorails! Book your holiday today. 	
===Musselforge Fitness=== 	
===Musselforge Fitness=== 	
===Musselforge Fitness=== 	
===Musselforge Fitness=== 	
===Musselforge Fitness===
 	 	 	 	
 	I go here so often that everybody here knows my name. 	I go here so often that everybody here knows my name. 	I go here so often that everybody here knows my name. 	I go here so often that everybody here knows my name.
Or maybe it's because you're on TV every day... 	Or maybe it's because you're on TV every day... 	Or maybe it's because you're on TV every day... 	Or maybe it's because you're on TV every day... 	
===Ostracod Tunnels=== 	
===Ostracod Tunnels=== 	
===Ostracod Tunnels=== 	
===Ostracod Tunnels=== 	
===Ostracod Tunnels===
 	 	 	 	
 	They've been excavating this place forever. What's the deal? 	They've been excavating this place forever. What's the deal? 	They've been excavating this place forever. What's the deal? 	They've been excavating this place forever. What's the deal?
I dunno what they're digging up, but I'm not diggin' it. 	I dunno what they're digging up, but I'm not diggin' it. 	I dunno what they're digging up, but I'm not diggin' it. 	I dunno what they're digging up, but I'm not diggin' it. 	
~ 	~ 	~ 	~ 	~
 	I heard some human fossils were discovered here the other day. 	I heard some human fossils were discovered here the other day. 	I heard some human fossils were discovered here the other day. 	I heard some human fossils were discovered here the other day.
Bodacious! Let's head to Shellendorf Institute after work and check them out! 	Bodacious! Let's head to Shellendorf Institute after work and check them out! 	Bodacious! Let's head to Shellendorf Institute after work and check them out! 	Bodacious! Let's head to Shellendorf Institute after work and check them out! 	
~ 	~ 	~ 	~ 	~
 	You think we could sneak into Inkopolis through here? 	You think we could sneak into Inkopolis through here? 	You think we could sneak into Inkopolis through here? 	You think we could sneak into Inkopolis through here?
Pike, this is live TV. 	Pike, this is live TV. 	Pike, this is live TV. 	Pike, this is live TV. 	
~ 	~ 	~ 	~ 	~
 	I've heard that concerts here really rock. 	I've heard that concerts here really rock. 	I've heard that concerts here really rock. 	I've heard that concerts here really rock.
Again with the rock jokes. 	Again with the rock jokes. 	Again with the rock jokes. 	Again with the rock jokes. 	
===Pufferfish Park=== 	
===Pufferfish Park=== 	
===Pufferfish Park=== 	
===Pufferfish Park=== 	
===Pufferfish Park===
 	 	 	 	
 	This place is so relaxing, Rem. It's great to just lie down and soak up the rays. 	This place is so relaxing, Rem. It's great to just lie down and soak up the rays. 	This place is so relaxing, Rem. It's great to just lie down and soak up the rays. 	This place is so relaxing, Rem. It's great to just lie down and soak up the rays.
Yeah, until you get hit by a Tsunamink. 	Yeah, until you get hit by a Tsunamink. 	Yeah, until you get hit by a Tsunamink. 	Yeah, until you get hit by a Tsunamink. 	
===Rasbora Bazaar=== 	
===Rasbora Bazaar=== 	
===Rasbora Bazaar=== 	
===Rasbora Bazaar=== 	
===Rasbora Bazaar===
 	 	 	 	
 	They sell the weirdest stuff here. 	They sell the weirdest stuff here. 	They sell the weirdest stuff here. 	They sell the weirdest stuff here.
But... I bought this chair there... 	But... I bought this chair there... 	But... I bought this chair there... 	But... I bought this chair there... 	
===Saltspray Rig=== 	
===Saltspray Rig=== 	
===Saltspray Rig=== 	
===Saltspray Rig=== 	
===Saltspray Rig===
 	 	 	 	
 	I bet your favourite spot on this map is the massive crate. 	I bet your favourite spot on this map is the massive crate. 	I bet your favourite spot on this map is the massive crate. 	I bet your favourite spot on this map is the massive crate.
Is this another short joke? 	Is this another short joke? 	Is this another short joke? 	Is this another short joke? 	
===Tentatonne Yard=== 	
===Tentatonne Yard=== 	
===Tentatonne Yard=== 	
===Tentatonne Yard=== 	
===Tentatonne Yard===
 	 	 	 	
 	I'm way too familiar with this map for my own good. 	I'm way too familiar with this map for my own good. 	I'm way too familiar with this map for my own good. 	I'm way too familiar with this map for my own good.
We get it, you work out. Next section, please! 	We get it, you work out. Next section, please! 	We get it, you work out. Next section, please! 	We get it, you work out. Next section, please! 	
===Urchin Underpass=== 	
===Urchin Underpass=== 	
===Urchin Underpass=== 	
===Urchin Underpass=== 	
===Urchin Underpass===
 	 	 	 	
 	This would be a tubular venue for a surprise concert. 	This would be a tubular venue for a surprise concert. 	This would be a tubular venue for a surprise concert. 	This would be a tubular venue for a surprise concert.
Ooh! I love it! Next tour, maybe? 	Ooh! I love it! Next tour, maybe? 	Ooh! I love it! Next tour, maybe? 	Ooh! I love it! Next tour, maybe? 	
~ 	~ 	~ 	~ 	~
 	Little known fact about Splatlantis: we've got an exact replica of this map. 	Little known fact about Splatlantis: we've got an exact replica of this map. 	Little known fact about Splatlantis: we've got an exact replica of this map. 	Little known fact about Splatlantis: we've got an exact replica of this map.
It's before it was redesigned, though. Y'know, the better version. 	It's before it was redesigned, though. Y'know, the better version. 	It's before it was redesigned, though. Y'know, the better version. 	It's before it was redesigned, though. Y'know, the better version. 	
===Velella Trailer Park=== 	
===Velella Trailer Park=== 	
===Velella Trailer Park=== 	
===Velella Trailer Park=== 	
===Velella Trailer Park===
 	 	 	 	
 	Y'know the leftover money from our last album? I'm considering using it to buy a trailer here. 	Y'know the leftover money from our last album? I'm considering using it to buy a trailer here. 	Y'know the leftover money from our last album? I'm considering using it to buy a trailer here. 	Y'know the leftover money from our last album? I'm considering using it to buy a trailer here.
Ooh! I'd, like, totally love to go for a vacation here! 	Ooh! I'd, like, totally love to go for a vacation here! 	Ooh! I'd, like, totally love to go for a vacation here! 	Ooh! I'd, like, totally love to go for a vacation here! 	
===Shifty Station=== 	
===Shifty Station=== 	
===Shifty Station=== 	
===Shifty Station=== 	
===Shifty Station===
 	 	 	 	
 	And introducing... Shifty Station! 	And introducing... Shifty Station! 	And introducing... Shifty Station! 	And introducing... Shifty Station!
It's been built especially for this Splatfest! 	It's been built especially for this Splatfest! 	It's been built especially for this Splatfest! 	It's been built especially for this Splatfest! 	
~ 	~ 	~ 	~ 	~
 	And here's a special stage built by one of our good friends! 	And here's a special stage built by one of our good friends! 	And here's a special stage built by one of our good friends! 	And here's a special stage built by one of our good friends!
The one... the only... Shifty Station! 	The one... the only... Shifty Station! 	The one... the only... Shifty Station! 	The one... the only... Shifty Station! 	
==Salmon Run==
GrizzCo. Now Hiring! (Paid Advertisement) 	GrizzCo. Now Hiring! (Paid Advertisement) 	GrizzCo. Now Hiring! (Paid Advertisement) 	GrizzCo. Now Hiring! (Paid Advertisement) 	GrizzCo. Now Hiring! (Paid Advertisement)
 	 	 	 	
 	Let's work a Salmon Run shift later, Rem! 	Let's work a Salmon Run shift later, Rem! 	Let's work a Salmon Run shift later, Rem! 	Let's work a Salmon Run shift later, Rem!
Mmm... I dunno, dude. Sounds like a lot of work.	Mmm... I dunno, dude. Sounds like a lot of work.	Mmm... I dunno, dude. Sounds like a lot of work.	Mmm... I dunno, dude. Sounds like a lot of work.	
==Updates==
Game Updated, Inklings Overjoyed! 	Game Updated, Inklings Overjoyed! 	Game Updated, Inklings Overjoyed! 	Game Updated, Inklings Overjoyed! 	Game Updated, Inklings Overjoyed!
 	 	 	 	
 	Gnarly! Looks like the game's been updated! 	Gnarly! Looks like the game's been updated! 	Gnarly! Looks like the game's been updated! 	Gnarly! Looks like the game's been updated!
I hope they nerfed your Inkbrush. 	I hope they nerfed your Inkbrush. 	I hope they nerfed your Inkbrush. 	I hope they nerfed your Inkbrush. 	
~ 	~ 	~ 	~ 	~
 	There's been some changes to the game! 	There's been some changes to the game! 	There's been some changes to the game! 	There's been some changes to the game!
Head on over to the official website for the deets. 	Head on over to the official website for the deets. 	Head on over to the official website for the deets. 	Head on over to the official website for the deets. 	
Status: Updated 	Status: Updated 	Status: Updated 	Status: Updated 	Status: Updated
 	 	 	 	
 	Update inkoming! 	Update inkoming! 	Update inkoming! 	Update inkoming!
Just when I was getting used to everything. 	Just when I was getting used to everything. 	Just when I was getting used to everything. 	Just when I was getting used to everything. 	
Sponsored: New Weapon! 	Sponsored: New Weapon! 	Sponsored: New Weapon! 	Sponsored: New Weapon! 	Sponsored: New Weapon!
 	 	 	 	
 	Just got a text from Taki. She's got a new weapon out! 	Just got a text from Taki. She's got a new weapon out! 	Just got a text from Taki. She's got a new weapon out! 	Just got a text from Taki. She's got a new weapon out!
Ooh, this is exciting! 	Ooh, this is exciting! 	Ooh, this is exciting! 	Ooh, this is exciting! 	
~ 	~ 	~ 	~ 	~
 	Head on over to Ammo Knights to give the new arsenal a peep. 	Head on over to Ammo Knights to give the new arsenal a peep. 	Head on over to Ammo Knights to give the new arsenal a peep. 	Head on over to Ammo Knights to give the new arsenal a peep.
Eek! New weapons always get my ink pumping! 	Eek! New weapons always get my ink pumping! 	Eek! New weapons always get my ink pumping! 	Eek! New weapons always get my ink pumping! 	
Arm Yourselves 	Arm Yourselves 	Arm Yourselves 	Arm Yourselves 	Arm Yourselves
 	 	 	 	
 	Word on the street is that there's a new weapon going 'round.	Word on the street is that there's a new weapon going 'round.	Word on the street is that there's a new weapon going 'round.	Word on the street is that there's a new weapon going 'round.
You didn't hear it from us, though. 	You didn't hear it from us, though. 	You didn't hear it from us, though. 	You didn't hear it from us, though. 	
~ 	~ 	~ 	~ 	~
 	We're proud to announce that there's a new weapon available! 	We're proud to announce that there's a new weapon available! 	We're proud to announce that there's a new weapon available! 	We're proud to announce that there's a new weapon available!
Just be careful with it, okay? 	Just be careful with it, okay? 	Just be careful with it, okay? 	Just be careful with it, okay? 	
New Map In The Rotation! 	New Map In The Rotation! 	New Map In The Rotation! 	New Map In The Rotation! 	New Map In The Rotation!
 	 	 	 	
 	Breaking news, squiddos. There's a new stage added! 	Breaking news, squiddos. There's a new stage added! 	Breaking news, squiddos. There's a new stage added! 	Breaking news, squiddos. There's a new stage added!
I'm gonna recon it first. Y'know, get the lay of the land.	I'm gonna recon it first. Y'know, get the lay of the land. 	I'm gonna recon it first. Y'know, get the lay of the land. 	I'm gonna recon it first. Y'know, get the lay of the land. 	
~ 	~ 	~ 	~ 	~
 	Make sure to check your map on this new stage. 	Make sure to check your map on this new stage. 	Make sure to check your map on this new stage. 	Make sure to check your map on this new stage.
I'm so excited to battle in a new place! 	I'm so excited to battle in a new place! 	I'm so excited to battle in a new place! 	I'm so excited to battle in a new place! 	
New Territory Discovered 	New Territory Discovered 	New Territory Discovered 	New Territory Discovered 	New Territory Discovered
 	 	 	 	
 	Inkopolis just got a new area to hold ink battles. 	Inkopolis just got a new area to hold ink battles. 	Inkopolis just got a new area to hold ink battles. 	Inkopolis just got a new area to hold ink battles.
We don't even have one! This isn't fair. 	We don't even have one! This isn't fair. 	We don't even have one! This isn't fair. 	We don't even have one! This isn't fair. 	
~ 	~ 	~ 	~ 	~
 	You guessed it. Lucky inklings have another place to battle. 	You guessed it. Lucky inklings have another place to battle. 	You guessed it. Lucky inklings have another place to battle. 	You guessed it. Lucky inklings have another place to battle.
*grumble* 	*grumble* 	*grumble* 	*grumble* 	
==Splatfests and Results==
===Mario VS Bowser=== 	===Mario VS Bowser=== 	===Mario VS Bowser=== 	===Mario VS Bowser=== 	===Mario VS Bowser===
 	 	 	 	
 	...!!! 	...!!! 	...!!! 	
 	It's the sacred fax machine! 	It's the sacred fax machine! 	It's the sacred fax machine! 	It's the sacred fax machine!
You know what that means... 	You know what that means... 	You know what that means... 	You know what that means... 	
 	SPLATFEST! 	SPLATFEST! 	SPLATFEST! 	
Our first Splatfest! I'm, like, totally stoked! 	Our first Splatfest! I'm, like, totally stoked! 	Our first Splatfest! I'm, like, totally stoked! 	Our first Splatfest! I'm, like, totally stoked! 	
 	Dude, me too, but we've gotta make a promise. No matter what the results of the Splatfest, we've gotta stay friends. 	Dude, me too, but we've gotta make a promise. No matter what the results of the Splatfest, we've gotta stay friends. 	Dude, me too, but we've gotta make a promise. No matter what the results of the Splatfest, we've gotta stay friends. 	Dude, me too, but we've gotta make a promise. No matter what the results of the Splatfest, we've gotta stay friends.
Agreed. BFFs till the end. 	Agreed. BFFs till the end. 	Agreed. BFFs till the end. 	Agreed. BFFs till the end. 	
 	Besties before Festies. 	Besties before Festies. 	Besties before Festies. 	Besties before Festies.
Alright, open it! I can't wait any longer! 	Alright, open it! I can't wait any longer! 	Alright, open it! I can't wait any longer! 	Alright, open it! I can't wait any longer! 	
 	Here goes... 	Here goes... 	Here goes... 	Here goes...
 	The Splafest theme... 	The Splafest theme... 	The Splafest theme... 	The Splafest theme...
 	...is... 	...is... 	...is... 	...is...
Hurry up!!! 	Hurry up!!! 	Hurry up!!! 	Hurry up!!! 	
 	BAM! 	BAM! 	BAM! 	
 	Team Mario vs Team Bowser! 	Team Mario vs Team Bowser! 	Team Mario vs Team Bowser! 	Team Mario vs Team Bowser!
Radical! 	Radical! 	Radical! 	Radical! 	
 	Tubular! 	Tubular! 	Tubular! 	Tubular!
I'm totally Team Mario. He's the hero, and he gets the cute girl at the end of the day! What's there not to love? 	I'm totally Team Mario. He's the hero, and he gets the cute girl at the end of the day! What's there not to love? 	I'm totally Team Mario. He's the hero, and he gets the cute girl at the end of the day! What's there not to love? 	I'm totally Team Mario. He's the hero, and he gets the cute girl at the end of the day! What's there not to love? 	
 	Dude. 	Dude. 	Dude. 	Dude.
Dudette? 	Dudette? 	Dudette? 	Dudette? 	
 	Me too. 	Me too. 	Me too. 	Me too.
Righteous!!! This is gonna be the best Splatfest ever! We'll be on the same team for once! 	Righteous!!! This is gonna be the best Splatfest ever! We'll be on the same team for once! 	Righteous!!! This is gonna be the best Splatfest ever! We'll be on the same team for once! 	Righteous!!! This is gonna be the best Splatfest ever! We'll be on the same team for once! 	
 	Uh, Rem? 	Uh, Rem? 	Uh, Rem? 	Uh, Rem?
Yeah? 	Yeah? 	Yeah? 	Yeah? 	
 	We can't both be Team Mario. 	We can't both be Team Mario. 	We can't both be Team Mario. 	We can't both be Team Mario.
Get real! Why not? 	Get real! Why not? 	Get real! Why not? 	Get real! Why not? 	
 	Who's gonna lead Team Bowser if both of us are on the same team? You should switch-- 	Who's gonna lead Team Bowser if both of us are on the same team? You should switch-- 	Who's gonna lead Team Bowser if both of us are on the same team? You should switch-- 	Who's gonna lead Team Bowser if both of us are on the same team? You should switch--
 	 	 	 	
 	 	 	 	
 	Actually, we'll be on Team Bowser. 	Actually, we'll be on Team Bowser. 	Actually, we'll be on Team Bowser. 	Actually, we'll be on Team Bowser.
Honestly, I don't get why you princesses wouldn't want to be on the winning team. Bowser's got a castle, and an army. 	Honestly, I don't get why you princesses wouldn't want to be on the winning team. Bowser's got a castle, and an army. 	Honestly, I don't get why you princesses wouldn't want to be on the winning team. Bowser's got a castle, and an army. 	Honestly, I don't get why you princesses wouldn't want to be on the winning team. Bowser's got a castle, and an army. 	
 	He's absolutely loaded, too. How many times has his castle been redesigned? 	He's absolutely loaded, too. How many times has his castle been redesigned? 	He's absolutely loaded, too. How many times has his castle been redesigned? 	He's absolutely loaded, too. How many times has his castle been redesigned?
Dude's living in the lap of luxury. Mario's just some boring, middle aged plumber. 	Dude's living in the lap of luxury. Mario's just some boring, middle aged plumber. 	Dude's living in the lap of luxury. Mario's just some boring, middle aged plumber. 	Dude's living in the lap of luxury. Mario's just some boring, middle aged plumber. 	
 	Tetra, Mario's not a plumber any more, remember? 	Tetra, Mario's not a plumber any more, remember? 	Tetra, Mario's not a plumber any more, remember? 	Tetra, Mario's not a plumber any more, remember?
...What? 	...What? 	...What? 	...What? 	
 	Yeah, he's retired. 	Yeah, he's retired. 	Yeah, he's retired. 	Yeah, he's retired.
Okay, you've gotta be making this up. Producer! Hand me my inkPhone. 	Okay, you've gotta be making this up. Producer! Hand me my inkPhone. 	Okay, you've gotta be making this up. Producer! Hand me my inkPhone. 	Okay, you've gotta be making this up. Producer! Hand me my inkPhone. 	
 	Anyway, while Boring Snide are performing their Downtown Inkopolis snoozefest, Radio-Octave will be putting on the show of a lifetime in the entrance to Octo Gorge! Everybody's invited, even deca-nerds like you.	Anyway, while Boring Snide are performing their Downtown Inkopolis snoozefest, Radio-Octave will be putting on the show of a lifetime in the entrance to Octo Gorge! Everybody's invited, even deca-nerds like you.	Anyway, while Boring Snide are performing their Downtown Inkopolis snoozefest, Radio-Octave will be putting on the show of a lifetime in the entrance to Octo Gorge! Everybody's invited, even deca-nerds like you.	Anyway, while Boring Snide are performing their Downtown Inkopolis snoozefest, Radio-Octave will be putting on the show of a lifetime in the entrance to Octo Gorge! Everybody's invited, even deca-nerds like you.
Oh my gosh! It's true! He's not a plumber anymore! 	Oh my gosh! It's true! He's not a plumber anymore! 	Oh my gosh! It's true! He's not a plumber anymore! 	Oh my gosh! It's true! He's not a plumber anymore! 	
 	Tetra. 	Tetra. 	Tetra. 	Tetra.
O-Oh! Right! The squid kids should be interrupting our signal soon, so let's move onto fanmail. 	O-Oh! Right! The squid kids should be interrupting our signal soon, so let's move onto fanmail. 	O-Oh! Right! The squid kids should be interrupting our signal soon, so let's move onto fanmail. 	O-Oh! Right! The squid kids should be interrupting our signal soon, so let's move onto fanmail. 	
 	"Dear Radio-Octave. Lately my pet Zapfish has been--" 	"Dear Radio-Octave. Lately my pet Zapfish has been--" 	"Dear Radio-Octave. Lately my pet Zapfish has been--" 	"Dear Radio-Octave. Lately my pet Zapfish has been--"
 	 	 	 	
 	 	 	 	
 	Are those guys allowed do that? 	Are those guys allowed do that? 	Are those guys allowed do that? 	Are those guys allowed do that?
Oh, we're back on air. 	Oh, we're back on air. 	Oh, we're back on air. 	Oh, we're back on air. 	
 	Uh, our producer says that Radio-Octave are in fact allowed do that. 	Uh, our producer says that Radio-Octave are in fact allowed do that. 	Uh, our producer says that Radio-Octave are in fact allowed do that. 	Uh, our producer says that Radio-Octave are in fact allowed do that.
Ugh. Mental. 	Ugh. Mental. 	Ugh. Mental. 	Ugh. Mental. 	
 	So, uh, cast your votes at the Splatfest Booth in Downtown Inkopolis, I guess. Are you Team Mario or Team Bowser? 	So, uh, cast your votes at the Splatfest Booth in Downtown Inkopolis, I guess. Are you Team Mario or Team Bowser? 	So, uh, cast your votes at the Splatfest Booth in Downtown Inkopolis, I guess. Are you Team Mario or Team Bowser? 	So, uh, cast your votes at the Splatfest Booth in Downtown Inkopolis, I guess. Are you Team Mario or Team Bowser?
What a bummer on our first Splatfest... 	What a bummer on our first Splatfest... 	What a bummer on our first Splatfest... 	What a bummer on our first Splatfest... 	
===Mario VS Bowser (Results)=== 	===Mario VS Bowser (Results)=== 	===Mario VS Bowser (Results)=== 	===Mario VS Bowser (Results)=== 	===Mario VS Bowser (Results)===
 	 	 	 	
 	The Splatfest results are in! 	The Splatfest results are in! 	The Splatfest results are in! 	The Splatfest results are in!
It's the moment of truth... 	It's the moment of truth... 	It's the moment of truth... 	It's the moment of truth... 	
 	BAM! 	BAM! 	BAM! 	
 	 	 	 	
 	 	 	 	
 	Looks like Team Bowser's the winner! 	Looks like Team Bowser's the winner! 	Looks like Team Bowser's the winner! 	Looks like Team Bowser's the winner!
Boom! 	Boom! 	Boom! 	Boom! 	
 	In your face, Deca-Dweebs! 	In your face, Deca-Dweebs! 	In your face, Deca-Dweebs! 	In your face, Deca-Dweebs!
Remember to pick up your Sea Snails in Downtown Inkopolis! 	Remember to pick up your Sea Snails in Downtown Inkopolis! 	Remember to pick up your Sea Snails in Downtown Inkopolis! 	Remember to pick up your Sea Snails in Downtown Inkopolis! 	
===Flowers VS Chocolates=== 	===Flowers VS Chocolates=== 	===Flowers VS Chocolates=== 	===Flowers VS Chocolates=== 	===Flowers VS Chocolates===
 	 	 	 	
 	The Splatfest theme is... 	The Splatfest theme is... 	The Splatfest theme is... 	The Splatfest theme is...
 	BAM! 	BAM! 	BAM! 	
What's your ideal Valentines gift? Flowers or Chocolates? 	What's your ideal Valentines gift? Flowers or Chocolates? 	What's your ideal Valentines gift? Flowers or Chocolates? 	What's your ideal Valentines gift? Flowers or Chocolates? 	
 	Definitely flowers. 	Definitely flowers. 	Definitely flowers. 	Definitely flowers.
What? No way, man! Chocolates! 	What? No way, man! Chocolates! 	What? No way, man! Chocolates! 	What? No way, man! Chocolates! 	
 	I mean, sure, if you wanna put on some pounds. 	I mean, sure, if you wanna put on some pounds. 	I mean, sure, if you wanna put on some pounds. 	I mean, sure, if you wanna put on some pounds.
 	Flowers are super pretty, and waaaaaay more meaningful. 	Flowers are super pretty, and waaaaaay more meaningful. 	Flowers are super pretty, and waaaaaay more meaningful. 	Flowers are super pretty, and waaaaaay more meaningful.
Dude. Chocolates are the way to go. You can share them while watching a stupid movie. 	Dude. Chocolates are the way to go. You can share them while watching a stupid movie. 	Dude. Chocolates are the way to go. You can share them while watching a stupid movie. 	Dude. Chocolates are the way to go. You can share them while watching a stupid movie. 	
How sweet is that? 	How sweet is that? 	How sweet is that? 	How sweet is that? 	
 	Sweet enough to make your teeth fall out. That's gonna happen to you if you eat so much candy. 	Sweet enough to make your teeth fall out. That's gonna happen to you if you eat so much candy. 	Sweet enough to make your teeth fall out. That's gonna happen to you if you eat so much candy. 	Sweet enough to make your teeth fall out. That's gonna happen to you if you eat so much candy.
Flowers'll wilt after a couple days, numbskull. 	Flowers'll wilt after a couple days, numbskull. 	Flowers'll wilt after a couple days, numbskull. 	Flowers'll wilt after a couple days, numbskull. 	
 	Not if you take care of them! And that shows that you really care! 	Not if you take care of them! And that shows that you really care! 	Not if you take care of them! And that shows that you really care! 	Not if you take care of them! And that shows that you really care!
They're just way too sappy. Chocolates are a squid's best friend. 	They're just way too sappy. Chocolates are a squid's best friend. 	They're just way too sappy. Chocolates are a squid's best friend. 	They're just way too sappy. Chocolates are a squid's best friend. 	
 	What about you? Are you Team Flowers or Team Chocolates? 	What about you? Are you Team Flowers or Team Chocolates? 	What about you? Are you Team Flowers or Team Chocolates? 	What about you? Are you Team Flowers or Team Chocolates?
Head to the Splatfest Booth and cast your vote! 	Head to the Splatfest Booth and cast your vote! 	Head to the Splatfest Booth and cast your vote! 	Head to the Splatfest Booth and cast your vote! 	
===Flowers VS Chocolates (Results)=== 	===Flowers VS Chocolates (Results)=== 	===Flowers VS Chocolates (Results)=== 	===Flowers VS Chocolates (Results)=== 	===Flowers VS Chocolates (Results)===
 	 	 	 	
 	The Splatfest results are in! 	The Splatfest results are in! 	The Splatfest results are in! 	The Splatfest results are in!
And the winner is... 	And the winner is... 	And the winner is... 	And the winner is... 	
 	BAM! 	BAM! 	BAM! 	
Righteous! 	Righteous! 	Righteous! 	Righteous! 	
 	Ugh. Barf me out. 	Ugh. Barf me out. 	Ugh. Barf me out. 	Ugh. Barf me out.
In your face Team Flowers! 	In your face Team Flowers! 	In your face Team Flowers! 	In your face Team Flowers! 	
I-I mean... Congrats to both teams! 	I-I mean... Congrats to both teams! 	I-I mean... Congrats to both teams! 	I-I mean... Congrats to both teams! 	
 	This blows. 	This blows. 	This blows. 	This blows.
You know the rules, Meena. Chocolates are now legally the better gift. 	You know the rules, Meena. Chocolates are now legally the better gift. 	You know the rules, Meena. Chocolates are now legally the better gift. 	You know the rules, Meena. Chocolates are now legally the better gift. 	
 	I don't even like chocolate... 	I don't even like chocolate... 	I don't even like chocolate... 	I don't even like chocolate...
Looks like you'll have to deal with it every Valentines from now on! 	Looks like you'll have to deal with it every Valentines from now on! 	Looks like you'll have to deal with it every Valentines from now on! 	Looks like you'll have to deal with it every Valentines from now on! 	
 	Remember to pick up your Sea Snails downtown. 	Remember to pick up your Sea Snails downtown. 	Remember to pick up your Sea Snails downtown. 	Remember to pick up your Sea Snails downtown.
===Handheld VS Docked=== 	===Handheld VS Docked=== 	===Handheld VS Docked=== 	===Handheld VS Docked=== 	===Handheld VS Docked===
 	 	 	 	
 	The next Splatfest theme is... 	The next Splatfest theme is... 	The next Splatfest theme is... 	The next Splatfest theme is...
 	KABAM! 	KABAM! 	KABAM! 	
What's your preferred way to play? Handheld or Docked? 	What's your preferred way to play? Handheld or Docked? 	What's your preferred way to play? Handheld or Docked? 	What's your preferred way to play? Handheld or Docked? 	
Personally, docked is the way to go for me. 	Personally, docked is the way to go for me. 	Personally, docked is the way to go for me. 	Personally, docked is the way to go for me. 	
Games just look so much better on the big screen. Plus, it's real easy to just hold a controller in either hand and relax.	Games just look so much better on the big screen. Plus, it's real easy to just hold a controller in either hand and relax. 	Games just look so much better on the big screen. Plus, it's real easy to just hold a controller in either hand and relax. 	Games just look so much better on the big screen. Plus, it's real easy to just hold a controller in either hand and relax. 	
 	No way, Team Handheld all the way! 	No way, Team Handheld all the way! 	No way, Team Handheld all the way! 	No way, Team Handheld all the way!
Here we go again... 	Here we go again... 	Here we go again... 	Here we go again... 	
 	Let me play games anywhere I want! Lying down, standing up, or on a rollercoaster. 	Let me play games anywhere I want! Lying down, standing up, or on a rollercoaster. 	Let me play games anywhere I want! Lying down, standing up, or on a rollercoaster. 	Let me play games anywhere I want! Lying down, standing up, or on a rollercoaster.
 	Plus I can't play online games in docked mode. 	Plus I can't play online games in docked mode. 	Plus I can't play online games in docked mode. 	Plus I can't play online games in docked mode.
Sounds like a problem with your internet. 	Sounds like a problem with your internet. 	Sounds like a problem with your internet. 	Sounds like a problem with your internet. 	
 	What about you guys? 	What about you guys? 	What about you guys? 	What about you guys?
Pick a side and battle it out. 	Pick a side and battle it out. 	Pick a side and battle it out. 	Pick a side and battle it out. 	
===Handheld VS Docked (Results)=== 	===Handheld VS Docked (Results)=== 	===Handheld VS Docked (Results)=== 	===Handheld VS Docked (Results)=== 	===Handheld VS Docked (Results)===
 	 	 	 	
 	The votes have been tallied up. Ready? 	The votes have been tallied up. Ready? 	The votes have been tallied up. Ready? 	The votes have been tallied up. Ready?
The winner of the Splatfest is... 	The winner of the Splatfest is... 	The winner of the Splatfest is... 	The winner of the Splatfest is... 	
 	KAPOW! 	KAPOW! 	KAPOW! 	
 	YOOOOO!!! 	YOOOOO!!! 	YOOOOO!!! 	YOOOOO!!!
Are you kidding me? 	Are you kidding me? 	Are you kidding me? 	Are you kidding me? 	
 	You did awesomely, Team Handheld! Show those TV lame-os what's what! 	You did awesomely, Team Handheld! Show those TV lame-os what's what! 	You did awesomely, Team Handheld! Show those TV lame-os what's what! 	You did awesomely, Team Handheld! Show those TV lame-os what's what!
Huh? What? I couldn't read your text on that tiny screen. 	Huh? What? I couldn't read your text on that tiny screen. 	Huh? What? I couldn't read your text on that tiny screen. 	Huh? What? I couldn't read your text on that tiny screen. 	
 	I said that docked STINKS! Handheld is the only way to play, and we've just proved it! In your face, Tetra! Better luck next time you 	I said that docked STINKS! Handheld is the only way to play, and we've just proved it! In your face, Tetra! Better luck next time you 	I said that docked STINKS! Handheld is the only way to play, and we've just proved it! In your face, Tetra! Better luck next time you 	I said that docked STINKS! Handheld is the only way to play, and we've just proved it! In your face, Tetra! Better luck next time you
You what? Your text box ran out of space. 	You what? Your text box ran out of space. 	You what? Your text box ran out of space. 	You what? Your text box ran out of space. 	
If you played your part in the Splatfest, there'll be some Sea Snails waitin' for you in Inkopolis. 	If you played your part in the Splatfest, there'll be some Sea Snails waitin' for you in Inkopolis. 	If you played your part in the Splatfest, there'll be some Sea Snails waitin' for you in Inkopolis. 	If you played your part in the Splatfest, there'll be some Sea Snails waitin' for you in Inkopolis. 	
===Tea VS Cocoa=== 	===Tea VS Cocoa=== 	===Tea VS Cocoa=== 	===Tea VS Cocoa=== 	===Tea VS Cocoa===
 	 	 	 	
 	The Splatfest theme is... 	The Splatfest theme is... 	The Splatfest theme is... 	The Splatfest theme is...
 	BAM! 	BAM! 	BAM! 	
What's your favourite drink? Tea, or cocoa? 	What's your favourite drink? Tea, or cocoa? 	What's your favourite drink? Tea, or cocoa? 	What's your favourite drink? Tea, or cocoa? 	
 	No-brainer. 	No-brainer. 	No-brainer. 	No-brainer.
Agreed. 	Agreed. 	Agreed. 	Agreed. 	
 	If we're both on Team Tea, then we'd better ring up Radio-Octave... 	If we're both on Team Tea, then we'd better ring up Radio-Octave... 	If we're both on Team Tea, then we'd better ring up Radio-Octave... 	If we're both on Team Tea, then we'd better ring up Radio-Octave...
Tea? Ew, no. I'm not a dweeb. 	Tea? Ew, no. I'm not a dweeb. 	Tea? Ew, no. I'm not a dweeb. 	Tea? Ew, no. I'm not a dweeb. 	
I'm loco for cocoa! Nothing's better than a nice cup of hot chocolate after a long day. Especially in the winter. 	I'm loco for cocoa! Nothing's better than a nice cup of hot chocolate after a long day. Especially in the winter. 	I'm loco for cocoa! Nothing's better than a nice cup of hot chocolate after a long day. Especially in the winter. 	I'm loco for cocoa! Nothing's better than a nice cup of hot chocolate after a long day. Especially in the winter. 	
 	What are you talking about? It's cold for, like, 2 days every year. 	What are you talking about? It's cold for, like, 2 days every year. 	What are you talking about? It's cold for, like, 2 days every year. 	What are you talking about? It's cold for, like, 2 days every year.
 	Tea's way nicer, way more accessible, and goes with everything. 	Tea's way nicer, way more accessible, and goes with everything. 	Tea's way nicer, way more accessible, and goes with everything. 	Tea's way nicer, way more accessible, and goes with everything.
Tea's for royalty and grannies. You're a granny, Meena. 	Tea's for royalty and grannies. You're a granny, Meena. 	Tea's for royalty and grannies. You're a granny, Meena. 	Tea's for royalty and grannies. You're a granny, Meena. 	
 	So I'm a dweeb and a granny for drinking tea? 	So I'm a dweeb and a granny for drinking tea? 	So I'm a dweeb and a granny for drinking tea? 	So I'm a dweeb and a granny for drinking tea?
And a dork. You're a dork. 	And a dork. You're a dork. 	And a dork. You're a dork. 	And a dork. You're a dork. 	
 	What about you guys? Jet down to the Splatfest terminal and pledge your allegiance. 	What about you guys? Jet down to the Splatfest terminal and pledge your allegiance. 	What about you guys? Jet down to the Splatfest terminal and pledge your allegiance. 	What about you guys? Jet down to the Splatfest terminal and pledge your allegiance.
===Tea VS Cocoa (Results)=== 	===Tea VS Cocoa (Results)=== 	===Tea VS Cocoa (Results)=== 	===Tea VS Cocoa (Results)=== 	===Tea VS Cocoa (Results)===
 	 	 	 	
 	The Splatfest results are in! 	The Splatfest results are in! 	The Splatfest results are in! 	The Splatfest results are in!
The winner is... 	The winner is... 	The winner is... 	The winner is... 	
 	BAM! 	BAM! 	BAM! 	
Tight! 	Tight! 	Tight! 	Tight! 	
 	Not again... 	Not again... 	Not again... 	Not again...
Tea's trash! Cocoa's crazy cool! 	Tea's trash! Cocoa's crazy cool! 	Tea's trash! Cocoa's crazy cool! 	Tea's trash! Cocoa's crazy cool! 	
 	First flowers, now tea. What will the Splatfest unjustly steal from me next? 	First flowers, now tea. What will the Splatfest unjustly steal from me next? 	First flowers, now tea. What will the Splatfest unjustly steal from me next? 	First flowers, now tea. What will the Splatfest unjustly steal from me next?
Chill, Meena. 	Chill, Meena. 	Chill, Meena. 	Chill, Meena. 	
 	I vote we come up with a new Splatfest system. 	I vote we come up with a new Splatfest system. 	I vote we come up with a new Splatfest system. 	I vote we come up with a new Splatfest system.
Salt doesn't go well with cocoa, Meena. 	Salt doesn't go well with cocoa, Meena. 	Salt doesn't go well with cocoa, Meena. 	Salt doesn't go well with cocoa, Meena. 	
And for anybody that competed, there's some Sea Snails waiting for you! 	And for anybody that competed, there's some Sea Snails waiting for you! 	And for anybody that competed, there's some Sea Snails waiting for you! 	And for anybody that competed, there's some Sea Snails waiting for you! 	
===Crust VS Tip=== 	===Crust VS Tip=== 	===Crust VS Tip=== 	===Crust VS Tip=== 	===Crust VS Tip===
 	 	 	 	
 	The Splatfest theme is... 	The Splatfest theme is... 	The Splatfest theme is... 	The Splatfest theme is...
*gulp* 	*gulp* 	*gulp* 	*gulp* 	
 	SURPRISE! 	SURPRISE! 	SURPRISE! 	SURPRISE!
Ugh, Pike, get off our broadcast. 	Ugh, Pike, get off our broadcast. 	Ugh, Pike, get off our broadcast. 	Ugh, Pike, get off our broadcast. 	
 	Can't do that, squiddo. I've got the Splatfest theme. 	Can't do that, squiddo. I've got the Splatfest theme. 	Can't do that, squiddo. I've got the Splatfest theme. 	Can't do that, squiddo. I've got the Splatfest theme.
Fiiiiiine, you can take Meena's place. Pike VS Remora it is, then. 	Fiiiiiine, you can take Meena's place. Pike VS Remora it is, then. 	Fiiiiiine, you can take Meena's place. Pike VS Remora it is, then. 	Fiiiiiine, you can take Meena's place. Pike VS Remora it is, then. 	
 	What way do you eat your pizza? Crust first? Or tip? 	What way do you eat your pizza? Crust first? Or tip? 	What way do you eat your pizza? Crust first? Or tip? 	What way do you eat your pizza? Crust first? Or tip?
...Is this...Are we really doing this? 	...Is this...Are we really doing this? 	...Is this...Are we really doing this? 	...Is this...Are we really doing this? 	
Like, are you serious? Is this a joke? 	Like, are you serious? Is this a joke? 	Like, are you serious? Is this a joke? 	Like, are you serious? Is this a joke? 	
 	I'm Team Crust, anyway. 	I'm Team Crust, anyway. 	I'm Team Crust, anyway. 	I'm Team Crust, anyway.
I...Yeah, fine. I'll be Team Tip. What kind of animal starts from the crust, anyway? 	I...Yeah, fine. I'll be Team Tip. What kind of animal starts from the crust, anyway? 	I...Yeah, fine. I'll be Team Tip. What kind of animal starts from the crust, anyway? 	I...Yeah, fine. I'll be Team Tip. What kind of animal starts from the crust, anyway? 	
 	I do! That way you've got all the best bits left and you don't have to dread reaching the crust. 	I do! That way you've got all the best bits left and you don't have to dread reaching the crust. 	I do! That way you've got all the best bits left and you don't have to dread reaching the crust. 	I do! That way you've got all the best bits left and you don't have to dread reaching the crust.
How do you hold the pizza if you don't have the crust? 	How do you hold the pizza if you don't have the crust? 	How do you hold the pizza if you don't have the crust? 	How do you hold the pizza if you don't have the crust? 	
 	...With your hand? I don't understand the question. 	...With your hand? I don't understand the question. 	...With your hand? I don't understand the question. 	...With your hand? I don't understand the question.
You could also just, like, not eat the crusts. 	You could also just, like, not eat the crusts. 	You could also just, like, not eat the crusts. 	You could also just, like, not eat the crusts. 	
 	Remora, tell me. Do I look like a coward? 	Remora, tell me. Do I look like a coward? 	Remora, tell me. Do I look like a coward? 	Remora, tell me. Do I look like a coward?
What about you guys at home? Cast your votes right away! 	What about you guys at home? Cast your votes right away! 	What about you guys at home? Cast your votes right away! 	What about you guys at home? Cast your votes right away! 	
===Crust VS Tip (Results)=== 	===Crust VS Tip (Results)=== 	===Crust VS Tip (Results)=== 	===Crust VS Tip (Results)=== 	===Crust VS Tip (Results)===
 	 	 	 	
 	It's the moment you've all been waiting for... 	It's the moment you've all been waiting for... 	It's the moment you've all been waiting for... 	It's the moment you've all been waiting for...
The Splatfest results are in! 	The Splatfest results are in! 	The Splatfest results are in! 	The Splatfest results are in! 	
 	KABOOM! 	KABOOM! 	KABOOM! 	
Bodacious! 	Bodacious! 	Bodacious! 	Bodacious! 	
 	Hey, what gives!? 	Hey, what gives!? 	Hey, what gives!? 	Hey, what gives!?
Take that, you crusty cretins! 	Take that, you crusty cretins! 	Take that, you crusty cretins! 	Take that, you crusty cretins! 	
Uh, no offense to Crusty Sean. 	Uh, no offense to Crusty Sean. 	Uh, no offense to Crusty Sean. 	Uh, no offense to Crusty Sean. 	
 	If you're so fond of the cheesy part of the pizza, how bout I cut off the crusts? 	If you're so fond of the cheesy part of the pizza, how bout I cut off the crusts? 	If you're so fond of the cheesy part of the pizza, how bout I cut off the crusts? 	If you're so fond of the cheesy part of the pizza, how bout I cut off the crusts?
Wha- No!!! How can I hold the pizza then? 	Wha- No!!! How can I hold the pizza then? 	Wha- No!!! How can I hold the pizza then? 	Wha- No!!! How can I hold the pizza then? 	
 	Go collect your Sea Snails, or suffer the same fate as Remora. 	Go collect your Sea Snails, or suffer the same fate as Remora. 	Go collect your Sea Snails, or suffer the same fate as Remora. 	Go collect your Sea Snails, or suffer the same fate as Remora.
===Unten VS Rachel=== 	===Unten VS Rachel=== 	===Unten VS Rachel=== 	===Unten VS Rachel=== 	===Unten VS Rachel===
 	 	 	 	
 	The Splatfest theme is... 	The Splatfest theme is... 	The Splatfest theme is... 	The Splatfest theme is...
 	BAM! 	BAM! 	BAM! 	
The first rung of our Splatfest tourney! 	The first rung of our Splatfest tourney! 	The first rung of our Splatfest tourney! 	The first rung of our Splatfest tourney! 	
 	Who's your fav Fanty hero? 	Who's your fav Fanty hero? 	Who's your fav Fanty hero? 	Who's your fav Fanty hero?
 	The bold... The blue... The bear... Unten Bluzen! 	The bold... The blue... The bear... Unten Bluzen! 	The bold... The blue... The bear... Unten Bluzen! 	The bold... The blue... The bear... Unten Bluzen!
Versus the girl from humble origins: Rachel Harel! 	Versus the girl from humble origins: Rachel Harel! 	Versus the girl from humble origins: Rachel Harel! 	Versus the girl from humble origins: Rachel Harel! 	
 	Rachel's so boring. She's just a regular girl. 	Rachel's so boring. She's just a regular girl. 	Rachel's so boring. She's just a regular girl. 	Rachel's so boring. She's just a regular girl.
That's what makes her so great! She's relatable! She's a grounded character among all these alien shenanigans. 	That's what makes her so great! She's relatable! She's a grounded character among all these alien shenanigans. 	That's what makes her so great! She's relatable! She's a grounded character among all these alien shenanigans. 	That's what makes her so great! She's relatable! She's a grounded character among all these alien shenanigans. 	
 	Exactly - boring. Unten's a blue bear from space! He's got a sword and electric powers! 	Exactly - boring. Unten's a blue bear from space! He's got a sword and electric powers! 	Exactly - boring. Unten's a blue bear from space! He's got a sword and electric powers! 	Exactly - boring. Unten's a blue bear from space! He's got a sword and electric powers!
...You know he's not actually a bear, right? 	...You know he's not actually a bear, right? 	...You know he's not actually a bear, right? 	...You know he's not actually a bear, right? 	
 	Huh. Is that why he's so sad all the time? 	Huh. Is that why he's so sad all the time? 	Huh. Is that why he's so sad all the time? 	Huh. Is that why he's so sad all the time?
Rachel's literally a princess in one of the alternate universes. Unten? There's an AU where he snowboards. 	Rachel's literally a princess in one of the alternate universes. Unten? There's an AU where he snowboards. 	Rachel's literally a princess in one of the alternate universes. Unten? There's an AU where he snowboards. 	Rachel's literally a princess in one of the alternate universes. Unten? There's an AU where he snowboards. 	
 	But he does it like a champ. 	But he does it like a champ. 	But he does it like a champ. 	But he does it like a champ.
What about you at home? 	What about you at home? 	What about you at home? 	What about you at home? 	
 	Cast your votes and fight to see who makes it to finals of this... 	Cast your votes and fight to see who makes it to finals of this... 	Cast your votes and fight to see who makes it to finals of this... 	Cast your votes and fight to see who makes it to finals of this...
 	FANTENDOVERSE SPLATFEST TOURNAMENT! 	FANTENDOVERSE SPLATFEST TOURNAMENT! 	FANTENDOVERSE SPLATFEST TOURNAMENT! 	
===Unten VS Rachel (Results)=== 	===Unten VS Rachel (Results)=== 	===Unten VS Rachel (Results)=== 	===Unten VS Rachel (Results)=== 	===Unten VS Rachel (Results)===
 	 	 	 	
===Reten VS Sakeena=== 	===Reten VS Sakeena=== 	===Reten VS Sakeena=== 	===Reten VS Sakeena=== 	===Reten VS Sakeena===
 	 	 	 	
===Reten VS Sakeena (Results)=== 	===Reten VS Sakeena (Results)=== 	===Reten VS Sakeena (Results)=== 	===Reten VS Sakeena (Results)=== 	===Reten VS Sakeena (Results)===
 	 	 	 	
===Unten VS Sakeena=== 	===Unten VS Sakeena=== 	===Unten VS Sakeena=== 	===Unten VS Sakeena=== 	===Unten VS Sakeena===
 	 	 	 	
===Unten VS Sakeena (Results)=== 	===Unten VS Sakeena (Results)=== 	===Unten VS Sakeena (Results)=== 	===Unten VS Sakeena (Results)=== 	===Unten VS Sakeena (Results)===
 	 	 	 	
===Later VS Now=== 	===Later VS Now=== 	===Later VS Now=== 	===Later VS Now=== 	===Later VS Now===
 	 	 	 	
===Later VS Now (Results)=== 	===Later VS Now (Results)=== 	===Later VS Now (Results)=== 	===Later VS Now (Results)=== 	===Later VS Now (Results)===
 	 	 	 	
===Dresses VS Suits=== 	===Dresses VS Suits=== 	===Dresses VS Suits=== 	===Dresses VS Suits=== 	===Dresses VS Suits===
 	 	 	 	
===Dresses VS Suits (Results)=== 	===Dresses VS Suits (Results)=== 	===Dresses VS Suits (Results)=== 	===Dresses VS Suits (Results)=== 	===Dresses VS Suits (Results)===
 	 	 	 	
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