The Slap

==The New Greeting==
::
:: No? 
:: No, I don't think USB-ing will replace the high-five.
:: Maybe it's the name. What about..."digit-docking".
:: I don't think the name's the problem. Although admittedly that name would be a problem.
:: Oh, how about a more manly version of the classic French greeting? Okay, do this. 
:: 
:: And now you kiss my guns.
:: 
:: Too manly?
:: ...Yeah.
:: What about the dog salute? 
:: Uh, maybe?
:: 
:: What's that?
:: They're sniffing each other's backsides.
:: Eh, I suppose that's still better than what Tobias does.
:: What does he do?
:: Starts kinda normal with a high-five but then, right after, he gives you a slap on the butt.
:: That's outrageous! Exactly the sort of unpleasant macho behavior that my new greeting will eliminate. The nerve!
:: Here he comes.
::
:​: Hey. 
:​: Oh!
:​: Hey Idaho, my bro-tato. 
:: Aah!
:​: Alan, my man! 
:​: Ow!
:​: Hey big guy, put it right there. 
:: Ow.
::
:​: Hey dude, gimme some fin! Hey man. 
:: What? He did it to everyone except you!
:: Psh. Yeah I know, I wouldn't, like, take that, you know?
:: You're lucky. You're literally the only guy he doesn't do it to.
:: Yeah I know I'm- I'm lucky. Yeah. 
==Quest for the Slap==
::
:: Okay, that's time, wrap it up.
::
:​​: Good game! Well played. Catch you later-
:: 
:​​: Uh. Good job!
::
:​​: I'm telling you man, Masami winked at me this morning! She went like this: 
:​​: Technically if you close both eyes it's blinking.
:​​: Nah, double the winks, double the trouble dude! Anyway, catch you later. I gotta go wiggle my eyebrows at her. 
:: Oh, hey man.
:​​: Oh, uh. Hey.
::
:​​: Uh, yeah... Gotta go. 
:: You will slap my butt today, Tobias Wilson, even if it's the last thing you do- Wait, if it is the last thing he does today it would probably be at bedtime, which is kinda weird. Rephrase! Even if it's the last thing you do...before the end of school.
::
:: Hey, hey.
:​​: Hey...again. 
:: 
:​​: Uh, see you later.
:: Aren't you forgetting something?
:​​: No, I don't think so... See you!
::
:: Oh, come on!
::
::
:: Help, help!
:​​: 
:: Hold on. 
:: I got this! 
::
:​​: 
:: Dude, what are you doing?
:: I don't know anymore.
==Gumball's Despair==
::
:: Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm just not good enough.
:Is my butt not pert?
:Is it not inviting?
:And is that the reason, for Tobias' slighting?
:I only want a pat, just a tiny bump.
:A casual little "Hey there!" for my lonely rump.
:I feel I have a duty, to defend my sad behind.
:It's not the finest booty, but it has feelings so do I.
:I don't wanna sound whiny, but I feel bad for my hiney.
:I just needed someone here, who would gently touch my rear.
:To be friendly, to be fair, to respect my derriere.
: I'll just give up and cry.
:My lonely backside and I...
:: I'm not sure that warranted a song. Look, maybe you should just let it slide for once. I know it's not easy, but you've still got me. I'm here to help!
:: Thanks dude. I knew I could rely on you.
==Tricking Tobias==
::
:: When I said "help", I didn't mean "help you trick Tobias into slapping your butt."
:: Shh, here he comes.
:​: 
:: So. When he goes to give you the slap, you jump out of the way and I get it. 
:: Dude, do you really-
:: 
:​: Hey, what's happenin' Dar-wizzle? 
::
:: Noooooo!!!! Now he'll never slap me on the- Oh wait. It still counts if he's unconscious, right?
:: 
:: Yeah, it counts. Aaand, I just realized this is wrong on so many levels.
==Bonding with Tobias==
::
:: If it means so much to you, why don't you ask Tobias directly?
:: Hey! I'm not a beggar, I'm a chooser.
:: Maybe he thinks you guys aren't friends enough for this kind of...contact.
:: So, you're telling me I need to lure this hopeless fool into the deadly web of my friendship.
:: You're making it sound creepy. How about you just be nice to him?
:: Yes! Gain his confidence then stab him in the heart with the burning blade of my friendship.
:: Yeah, that sounds even worse.
:: Infiltrate his tender heart, so he will lay his hand on my-
:: You know what? Let's just...skip to the moment when you fail.
::
:: Here, friend, have some of my dessert. Lap it up. Lap it up good. 
:​: Look buddy, if you don't back off I'm gonna have to get physical! 
:: Yes! Use your anger and fall into my trap, you worm!
:​: I haven't touched you and I already feel like I need to wash this hand. 
:: Oh, or we can just take it slow!
:: You know, you can't just force a friendship like that. It takes time, and a lot of shared experiences.
:: You're right! Nobody remembers the good times, it's the really bad times that bring people together.
:: Yeah you see, you're missing the point again.
:: I will put Tobias through such an emotionally scarring, physically grueling experience, that he won't slap my butt when it's over: he'll kiss it! 
:: Wait, what the- Where are you going?
==The Bromance==
::
:​: Masami? Are you there? "Dear Tobias, meet me on the roof after school, double wink. Masami. P.S. Clips your nails." ...what?
::
:: No no no no! The door, the door!
:​: What are you doing here?
:: What took you so long?! I put that note in your locker two days ago!
:​: Well, you're supposed to let girls wait. Otherwise it makes you look too desper- Wait a minute. You tricked me!
:: Yes. But that's completely irrelevant now. We're trapped up here and nobody's gonna be here 'til Monday morning! What are we gonna do?!
:​: We'll do what real men do. SURVIVE. 
:: No! What are you doing?
:​: We both know it's gonna happen at some point. And I'm clearly the alpha here.
:: I'm the one who hasn't eaten for two days! This isn't working.
:​: There's only one thing for it: we're gonna have to work together.
::
:: Companionship is needed,
:​: When you're in a rut.
:: And when you have succeeded, you can slap each other's-
:​: Back!
: & ​: You gotta do what you can, you gotta make a new plan,
:And then you will survive
:You gotta work with your buddy when the situation's cruddy
:And you might just stay alive
:​: This seemed a good idea,
:: But I think I should've stopped ya.
:The end is gettin' near, what we need's- a helicopter!
::
: & ​: We gotta signal the guy, so he can see us from the sky,
:And then we will survive
::
:​: I got a spare leg!
:: Just throw it away.
:: "Need help?" No, I'm fine, thank you!
::
:: What- what were you thinking?!
:​: Aw, this is your fault!
:: Why would you put a question mark at the end?!
: & ​: So we're both gonna croak from the rain or sunstroke,
:Cause friendship's not enough
:You can forget the bromance,
:Cause we stand a better chance with actual survival stuff!
::
:​: We're not gonna make it. And we're in this mess because of you! You're a...a fool!
:: Yeah? Well, you look like a clown's armpit!
:​: That's hurtful because it's true. Well, your legs are so short you hover when you break wind! Okay it's full!
:: 
:​: How does it taste?
:: ...better than the other option.
:​: We're never gonna survive this. But before it's over at least tell me, why?
:: All I wanted was one of your little butt slaps.
:​: But, I thought you would hate that!
:: I just wanted to be included and... It got out of hand. And now I have to pay my taxes to this giant nostril.
:​: What?
:: I usually file through my accountant, but he is in Boca.
:​: Dude, I think you're hallucinating. And your face looks like a cat, but not enough.
:: Yeah, you don't look too good yourself.
::
:: I think...this is the end.
:​: I see...
:: 
:​: I see the Grim Reaper. He looks like a high school dropout chicken Kiev.
:: Hey! I didn't drop out, I flaked out. Whatcha doin'? Me and Darwin have been lookin' for you guys for days.
:: What took you so long?!
:: You ran away before telling me where you were going! I think this whole experience can teach you a valuable lesson: you should never hound a friend just to get them to slap your butt.
:: Darwin, thank you. Thank you...for reminding me the point of all this, I had completely forgotten! I have to get him to slap my butt!
:: 
==The Slap==
::
:​: Hey. Hey man. Hey G-Ball, how you doin'? 
:: Oh! How dare you?! You've got some nerve, young man! There are rules in this society and casually slapping people's butts is not one of them! Someone has to take a stand...
:​: 
::
Category:The Amazing World of Gumball Transcripts