Floxing and Herobrian: Definition Editive

Originally published on the MTPW by Floxo Woxo
Read Foxing and Herobrian: Ultimate Edition to understand
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== Chapter 1: Genesis ==
=== I ===
Once there was a man named Notch, who made an abso-fricking-lutely ugly game called Minecraft. His life's dream was to create a bestselling, multimillion dollar-earning game of epic proportions, but his dreams were smashed by a brave hero named Foxing, and a retarded lad named Herorbien; but that's a story you've already heard.
After Notch's mysterious disappearance, Foxing was placed under suspicion of kidnapping, murder, rape, and assault with a newspaper. However, he was soon cleared when the coroner's report stated that Notch's death was likely accidental flushing down the toilet. After all, (he reasoned), the toilet seat was up (probably courtesy of Foxing), and Notch was missing, and if anybody had a better explanation for his disappearance, he (the coroner) would go jump off a moderately sized condominium. Nobody had a better theory, because, after all, the coroner's theory would be pretty plausible to anybody who didn't know the truth concerning Notch's sudden disappearance, as we do.
Since Mojang was now without a leader, Jebs was placed in charge. Perhaps you are thinking, "wait, that Jebs? The one that got his head chopped off by Notch and hung on the wall? Isn't he dead?" To which we respond, that if you (the reader) think that we (the humble writer of this narrative) give two and a half rat's asses about continuity in our story, you are seriously mistaken. But I digress.
As for Foxing, once the drama was over, he left Mojang. Nobody saw much of him after this, and it is of his (presumably) relation, Floxing, that this tale speaketh.
Floxing was pretty retarded, to say the least, but his programming was brilliant, and many of Minecraft's best updates have his ideas behind them. Many people liked him, including females. Nobody liked Jebs. Jebs, he was a dislikeable fellow with red hair, a clear sign of a degenerate nature (though red-haired females are the best type). Jebs was jealous of everybody and wanted nothing more than to be in control of Mojang, which he was, but it wasn't enough. He knew that people liked Floxing (not to be confused with Foxing) more, that there was talk of making him Minecraft's CEO, and this was more than Jebs could stand. Floxing had to be removed.
"How to get rid of him?" thought Jebs, one of the many nights that he had his rival on his mind. "How?"
Suddenly, like a flash of lightning, came the answer. "Ahahahaha!!!" laughed Jebs, maniacally, "I have it: I'll fire him!" 
This was, for Jebs, the most complex thought he had ever thunk.
===II===
One day, Floxing received a message on his company laptop.
"Come to me offise. -Jebs"
"He may have spelling like a deranged porpoise on antihistamines," quoth Floxing, "but, nonetheless, I must obey."
So saying, Floxing hauled his arse down to Jebs' broom closet that he referred to as an "office" (or "offis," if you prefer). Jebs was waiting dor him.
"Ahem," Jebs cleared his throat, "Floxing?"
"Ye?" spake our hero philosophically.
Jebs appeared nervous. "Well, um..." he stammered, unsure how to proceed with firing Mojang's most valuable asset, "um... I guess I'll just say it. You're--"
"Promoted!?" shouted Floxing, unable to contain his excitement. "YES!!! Now my family can finally stop calling me a loser and a product of incest! Maybe my mother will finally love me! Perhaps I will regain my popularity with the female sex!"
"Um," said Jebs, grinning, "no. Actually, you're fired."
"Excuse me?" Floxing looked confused. "Uh... what the frick."
"Sorry, but it's true," said Jebs evilly.
"On what grounds are you terminating me?" Floxing said legally. (He watched Ace Attorney one time, and thought he knew stuff about courts and things.)
"Grounds?" Jebs started to sweat momentarily. Didn't he own Mojang? Why the hell would he need grounds? But there you are, people think they're entitled to a reason for everything, like somebody stealing your hot dog on a rainy day.
"Uh..." he thought for a moment. "How's, let's say, 'because?' Is that a good reason?"
"No." 
"Well, try to stop me," said Jebs wickedly.
"Let's just take a look at the company policy," quoth Floxing triumphantly.
But Jebs had been waiting for this. "Very well," Jebs nodded, with a hyper-realistically evil smile. He brought out the company policy and placed it on his desk.
It was about 7.791638 inches thick and approximately 8.384728 by 11.37194 inches in length and width, respectively.
It was Floxing's turn to sweat. "Uh... what the frick is that?"
"Company policy," Jebs answered.
"Good God above," Floxing said. He took the book. "Good thing books have tables of contents. He opened the cover...
Jebs, however, was too smart this time. Floxing's horror, when he saw the table of contents had been ripped out, was great.
"Uhhhhhh..." Floxing trembled. "Well, there's always the index." He flipped the book over, and, opening the back cover, discovered that Jebs had ripped out the index, too.
"NOOOOO!!!" Floxing bowed his head. Jebs had won. He could never read through the whole company policy to see if "because" was a valid reason to terminate and employee at Mojang, Inc., Corp., LTD. 
"Very well, Jebs," quoth Floxing nobly, "thou hast won. I will leave. But remember this. This is not the last thou shalt see of Floxing son of Foxing." And he turned and walked out the door of Jebs' crusty broom closet office.
===III===
Category:Dramapasta
Category:FoxofJudyFoster
Category:Unfinished