Valentine Vs Millia Rage

Skullgirls Vs Guilty Gear! Assassins don't get more bizarre than this as the ninja nurse meets the witch of blonde hair!
==Interlude==
=== Hospital ===
Room #15, both hosts present, Labrys' condition has improved.
Sleepy: Getting better?
Labrys: The doc said I should be out within a few days, so yeah I do.
Sleepy: Alright, you wanna to record another episode?
Labrys: Sure thing.
=== Hosts' Hospital Room ===
Sleepy: How fitting that we're in a hospital since this relates to one of our combatants!
Labrys: Wait, really?
Sleepy: Yeah, Valentine, the Ninja Nurse of Skullgirls!
Labrys: And Millia Rage, the Russian Rapunzel of Guilty Gear!
Sleepy: Huh, nice transition.
Labrys: Thank you!
Sleepy: On to the episode!
==Valentine==
Labrys: Before there was peace in the world of Skullgirls, there was a gigantic conflict between the nations of man, one that threatened to destroy the world itself. But if there was one thing that could bring peace, it was… a Skullgirl, a being of immense supernatural power-wait what?!
Sleepy: You see, Skullgirls are created by the Skull Heart, a powerful artifact created by the Trinity, a trio of unholy deities that hide their Cthulu-like visages behind the form of beautiful goddesses. Now that’s the world’s worst catfish right there.
Labrys: The Skull Heart’s power, bein’ able to bestow any wish spoken to it, has a horrible catch: wishin’ upon it can actually turn the wisher into another Skullgirl! And the Canopy Kingdom witnessed this end result first hand when Queen Nancy wished for peace between the kingdoms, but ended up becomin’ the most powerful Skullgirl to date! Though in the end, her wish was granted since the kingdoms of Chess, Gigan and Canopy banded together to defeat her, then formed an uneasy truce.
Sleepy: ASGLs, or Anti-Skullgirls Labs, were formed to research and combat against the potential return of another Skullgirl. However, King Renoir shut down all of the labs when Skullgirl Nancy finally bit the dust. History was ignored for some time, leading to the creation of another Skullgirl, Marie. She sought isolation after learning that everyone that knew of her existence was out for her, though this didn’t stop her from running into the Last Hope, a freelancer group that used to work for Lab 7, one of the former ASGLs.
Labrys: Marie disposed of them quite quickly, leavin’ behind only one survivor who would end up bein’ forced into servitude: Nurse Valentine!
Valentine: The doctor will see you now...
Sleepy: Despite this, Valentine still held her own hidden agenda, and while she did want Marie dead for the decimation of her comrades, the Skull Heart was the bigger priority. 
Labrys: Much of Valentine’s past is shrouded in mystery, but from what we can gather, she’s been at her craft for a long time and has been experimented on in the past, probably voluntarily. Deep down that almost sycophantic attitude, is a crude person with good intentions and a drive to rid the world of the Skull Heart’s evil.
Sleepy: Being the last of the Last Hope, Valentine carries her fallen teammates weapons into battle, out of respect to the dead. Her fighting style is based around that of ninjutsu, more specifically the style of Kunoichi, the female ninja and if the stance she takes during a fight isn’t convincing for you, how about her exposed bust?
Labrys: What does that have to do with anythin’?
Sleepy: Most Kunoichi tend to entice their enemies through their movements, so her wiggling her bust around can actually prove to be a very fatal distraction.
Labrys: For men maybe.
Sleepy: Have you seen the amount of fanart with Valentine and Parasoul?
Labrys: No why-
Sleepy: Don’t, a lot of lewd stuff will be smeared into your memory banks.
Labrys: Okay…? I guess that distraction can be fatal since Valentine’s weapons mainly consist of stuff you’d find inside a hospital. Her signature weapon is her bonesaw, which she can quickly draw and slash at her enemies with, leaving many an unfortunate victim with a bad case of irresponsible usage.
Sleepy: The medical crosses on her legs are weapons too; they can spin, extend and even be hurled as a shuriken, dishing out pain deceitfully. She’s not lacking in the long-range game either as she can toss medical syringes and scalpels with deadly precision. And if she doesn’t want to use the former as projectiles, she can always load them individually with various kinds of poisons to wear her enemies down over time, slow them down or even weaken their defences. And this poison can work on beings other than a regular human, like Eliza, a parasite, and Big Band, a cyborg.
Labrys: She seems to have any and all medical tools attached to her at all times, and they don’t seem be in a finite supply. Heck, she uses an IV Pole as a pike, can use a pair of defibs as electrical weapons or to restore someone from the dead, has a ward that can temporarily immobilize someone in place and puts people to sleep with a malicious tank of chloroform, which is just ludicrous!
Sleepy: The chloroform tank in particular is quite the dirty move; before I go on, I want to correct what many people are probably thinking and that NO, chloroform doesn’t knock people out with just a whiff, that’s just the movies fooling all of you. However, in contrast to what I just said, Valentine’s chloroform does exactly that. 
Labrys: With the right dosage and intake, chloroform can downright kill someone, though it would probably take a lot longer than just a few seconds to actually do that.
Sleepy: She also has a couple of body-bags; one of them actually contains a body, I don’t know who’s so don’t bother asking, and is used to… attack her enemies? Wait, how is she doing that and how are the limbs not falling off like a piece of melted chocolate? The limbs are mummified for heaven’s sake, how are they-
Labrys: Cool it, Sleepyhead, it’s called ninja logic.
Sleepy: But that doesn’t make any sense-
Labrys: The other body-bag is empty and Valentine uses it to encase her enemies before… uh… committing the most purposefully murderous surgery in the entire world. Or if she’s feelin’ less serial killer, she can always perform her version of the famous Izuna Drop!
Sleepy: That by itself should be lethal, since slamming a human being headfirst into the ground at those speeds should cave the skull in.
Labrys: She can even fake out her own demise as a parry, emergin’ back from “death” to deliver a backhanded strike!
Valentine: Tell me where it hurts...
Sleepy: Valentine’s the got the tools, the looks and the skills to match her accomplishments. Although, since she is from a franchise that is infamously-known for being somewhat featless, we’ll have to draw what we can from her story mode, though by no means is her arcade run actually canon. She managed to subdue Painwheel and Double, which is no easy feat considering that the former is a raging lab experiment with a bladed-wheel attached to her back and the other is a servant of the Trinity and transform herself into anyone, notably the other cast members of Skullgirls!
Labrys: Another lab experiment? What is with innocent people bein’ turned into deformed abominations?!
Sleepy: I’m sorry to say, but since Skullgirls didn’t get an official sequel, I can’t really say that Painwheel here had a happy ending, unless you follow Filia’s storyline that is.
Labrys: Well that at least cheers me up. Valentine can lift up fighter as heavy as Big Band and throw them into the air!
Sleepy: Considering that Big Band is both a cyborg and is equipped with an entire orchestra’s worth of musical instruments, he is said to weight 5000 pounds, and only 95 of that is his own flesh and bone!
Labrys: Jeez, someone hasn’t skipped training day one bit! Valentine can match Big Band and Parasoul in combat, and both are highly-trained soldiers with arsenals more bizarre than my sister’s!
Sleepy: Your sister? Another robot?
Labrys: Mhm! Her name’s Aigis and she basically carries the equivalent of a standard American military arsenal on her at all times!
Sleepy: Well… the more you know. But as impressive as this ninja is, Valentine isn’t perfect. In fact, out of the whole cast, she has some of the lowest damage output to give, and really relies more on speed and precision, like a good ninja should, and lacks the strength the other Skullgirls characters have such as Cerebrella and Beowulf.
Labrys: And for some reason, almost everyone else’s story mode features her as one of the main antagonists! If all of those defeats were taken into account, it’d mean that Valentine is a jobber, or someone that loses to others purposefully to show the victor’s strength and power.
Sleepy: Well then if her own victories were taken into account, Valentine’s win over Peacock should stand out, since Peacock was created and armed for the sole purpose of defeating a Skullgirl solo!
Labrys: But then guys like Filia and Eliza would have defeated Valentine as well, Sleepy.
Sleepy: Fair enough. Valentine is a nurse, but the only kind of treatment you’ll get from her is pain, suffering and most definitely death.
Valentine: Side effects may include nausea, headaches… and death!
==Millia Rage==
Sleepy: Russia has long been described as a fickle civilization in the times of humanity. To quote Winston Churchill: “It is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma.” But when it comes to Millia Rage, it’s a lot less harder to wrap your head around it.
Labrys: Havin’ lost both her parents at an age, young Millia was forced to join the elusive Assassin’s Guild. She didn’t want become of them however, and tried taking her life several times, each time failin’. Eventually, her hair was infused with a magical beast named Angra and that’s when her life changed even more greatly. 
Sleepy: The leader of the guild, Zato, wanted to mold Millia into the perfect assassin; he only cared about her becoming the greatest that the guild could offer, which didn’t sit well with her. This came to a head when she chose freedom instead of restraint and ratted out the guild to the International Police Force. Zato got locked up, but in his prison he grew even more obsessed with revenge, and wanted her for dead.
Labrys: Not willing to take the chance, Millia used every opportunity she could to track down and destroy Zato once and for all. BUTTTTTT, world-shakin’ events got in her way, namely the war and paranoia of the superbeings known as the Gears!
Millia: I guess there’s no other way around this...
Sleepy: In the Guilty Gear universe, Gears were a science experiment that got out of control, like most fictional science experiments. And like most science experiments that involved physical enhancements under the backdrop of purposeful evolution for soldiers, the Gears ended becoming humanity’s most considerable threat. 
Labrys: Add to the fact that Justice, the Commander of the Gears, was makin’ a comeback and Millia’s assassination plan was put on halt for a LONG time. Sure, Justice was destroyed by Sol Badguy, but now Zato was not only freed, but he was roamin’ around a big world. But Millia wasn’t your standard assassin, no no! Her main weapon is her hair!
Sleepy: Remember Angra? Well it is a Forbidden Beast, a bio-weapon in similar function to parasites. With Angra, Millia had a powerful weapon in a very concealable form, unlike Zato’s Beast, the liquid-like Eddie. They also acted as a natural enemy to the Gears, which pleased the world governments who wanted the Gears to be gone.
Labrys: However, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows with the Forbidden Beasts, as they attempt to take over their hosts’ minds at all times, and Millia ain’t an exception. 
Sleepy: Primal emotions and thoughts aside, Angra ensures Millia’s hair is a living arsenal. She can morph her hair in anything she can think of, whether for melee, long-range combat or just to gain an advantage over her enemies.
Labrys: And the forms that her hair takes aren’t simple; she can form drills, giant spears, razors, swords, you name it and she can probably recreate it!
Sleepy: Her hair must be quite sturdy if she can replicate all these kinds of weapons, and it doesn’t stop at just blades, although they seem to form the majority of her close-combat options. She can shape her hair to become wings, allowing her to fly for short periods of time to add to her already incredible agility.
Labrys: Millia’s a fan of flowers too, since she can transform her hair into harmful flowers, strike her enemies from below with an unbloomed flower and even produce magical flowers-like orbs for a pretty surprise, and when I say pretty I mean it! Just look at those flowers!
Sleepy: Expanding on her close-range capabilities, Millia has a few techniques she’s created herself for even more lethality; her Lust Shaker is a barrage of sharp hair strikes, the Turbo Fall gives her a boost of aerial speed, the Bad Moon is a technique in which Millia spin-rolls while her hair is shaped like a crescent moon, and the Forward Roll is a great hit-and-run lance attack.
Labrys: Angra’s magical properties don’t stop at living hair, as Millia has a couple of techniques that utilize the Beast’s magic; Tandem Top is a spinnin’ circular saw that can be summoned as a rapid reactionary attack and the Secret Garden can summon an actual orb of magic that can remotely-controlled by Millia herself!
Sleepy: And since she’s a Guilty Gear cast member, this Russian has Overdrives; the Emerald Rain manifests two unusually-sized magic shuriken-esque projectiles that can send enemies flying back and her Winger allows her to take flight, then dive-bomb down on her opponents!
Labrys: Her Chroming Rose is her Install; with it, her movements and special moves now leave behind trails of magic roses that deal damage to the unprepared!
Sleepy: The Chroming Rose, in particular, makes for a great excuse to go on the offensive, as Millia can leave her opponents dazed from the amount of magical roses produced from her assaults! 
Labrys: Her Instant-Kill is the Iron Maiden; she summons hundreds and hundreds of hair-spikes to completely surround her enemies, before deliverin’ a vicious rain of death!
Sleepy: Even without all of these over-the-top techniques and special moves, Millia can simply use her hair in tandem with her acrobatics. From lifting herself up with her hair, doing headstands with her hair, Millia’s hair is truly an arcane marvel to behold.
Millia: You should pay attention.
Labrys: Despite not bein’ one of the most powerful juggernauts of Guilty Gear like Sol Badguy and Jack-O Valentine, Millia Rage earned respect through her solo-travels around the world. Her quest to destroy Zato once and for all was fulfilled though not after a struggle against the Forbidden Beast-wielder!
Sleepy: She’s held her own against many of the Guilty Gear’s cast like Baiken and Ky Kyske and lived to tell the tale. This sounds ordinary when it comes to all fighting game characters, but given the insane power that most Guilty Gear characters, someone with powers as subtle as Millia shouldn’t even survive a mere encounter, though this can be credited to her long history as a professional assassin with an astounding resume.
Labrys: Her hair is sturdy and strong enough to carry Potemkin, who weighs up to 1446 pounds! And this is the same Potemkin that can pile-drive someone through the earth so hard, they pop out on another side of the planet!
Sleepy: Even before the the actual start of the Guilty Gear games, Millia had already performed many missions for the Assassin's Guild.
Labrys: She even became their leader!
Sleepy: Well, that was during her arcade mode in the XRD Guilty Gear games, but then again it’s nothing to scoff at either, given the guild’s infamous reputation.
Labrys: In one arcade mode, Millia was able to kill Eddie, Zato’s own Forbidden Beast! 
Sleepy: And unlike other arcade modes, this one proved to be true, as Zato, along with his beast, was revived during Guilty Gear SIGN by the Conclave.
Labrys: Another Assassin’s Guild?
Sleepy: You could say. Rather than assassins, they serve the Pope of Rome, acting as his personal council. According to Zato-1 and the Guilty Gear lore, they’ve existed for a long time, as they have taken accountability for influencing many world-changing decisions made by the United Nations and such.
Labrys: They sound like bad guys.
Sleepy: Well, what is bad is the select few of Millia’s shortcomings. While it’s no secret that her hair is powerful, it doesn’t possess the range of say… a sniper rifle, though it can still reach pretty damn far.
Labrys: Millia’s like many assassins, so she relies on speed and precision to deal damage, and while her hair is strong, it’s still hair, and has yet to show any clear feats of durability.
Sleepy: And remember Angra’s mind-messing emotions? Well, Millia hasn’t resolved this issue yet too, and constantly risks her mental state not only during her travels, but during her battles; once the Beast takes control, there’s no stopping it or Millia from going berserk!
Labrys: Eh, she’s a tough cookie, Sleepy, I think she can power through some beast trying to… take over… her body… (unnerved).
Sleepy: Well, if she’s lived this long, how can I argue? You don’t mess with Millia Rage, lest you find yourself becoming her new pincushion!
Millia: You really weren’t that bad, I guess.
==FIGHT!!!==
==Aftermath==