Mario

Mario is one of the most popular and famous shame characters ever (though hipsters argue he's the one of the least popular and least famous characters ever, as they don't want to admit they like something "mainstream"). Mario is the main protagonist of the Mario Series, and he's also a famed war hero, plumber, lawyer, accountant, photographer, rock-star, doctor, baby, frog, tech teacher, and father.
Mario is currently first place on Biased Ratings' Top 10 Weirdest People list, and is a Heavenly Virtue of Temperance due to his moderation with his mushroom, spaghetti, pizza, etc.
Mario was originally supposed to be a simple fat plumber who liked to eat mushrooms. However, after Chuck Norris got pissed at fate, and roundhouse kicked it, Mario became a super-action-hero that storms castles and saves princesses. Mario's sudden change in character caused many unforeseen consequences and ripples throughout the space-time continuum, such as the awakening of Bruce Lee.
Mario is also the son of Dr. Eggman and Kanna. Mario is completely human, despite his mother being an alien. Mario also has a younger sister named Sage.
==Biography==
thumb|330x330px|More info about Mario.
===Childhood===
Mario was born March 10th 1581 in Italy. He was raised in New York city though because people from the near by land of the Mushroom Kingdom thought he was a god of some sort. They thought this because he had a mustache when he was born. This mustache became the symbol of Mushroom Kingdom for 5 years. They once even called it Mustache Kingdom, but a jerk from Hyrule came in, and cut off the king's mustache, so they once again called it Mushroom Kingdom, and Mario became the hated one.
Mario left New York city because of getting into hot water with the mafia at five years old, deciding to move to Hyrule. However, he was taken prisoner, and locked in a cell for thirty seconds. He was only locked up that long because they forgot to lock the door. Then, all of the guards fell asleep for some random reason. Mario then moved to France. He became the king's royal assistant under-secretary of things that don't really matter in training. This was a very high ranking in mid-evil France.
===Move to Mushroom Kingdom===
After 50 years working for the king, he has not received one promotion. So, he jumped off a cliff, but survived because the cliff was only three feet high. He went to Mushroom Kingdom, where everyone had forgotten about him. He came back as Mr. Mario and worked in a toothbrush factory for ten years. But everyone figured out he was Mario the mustache baby in disguise. They forgot how evil his mustache was, and honored him as a hero. This is when they made Super Mario Cookies.
===Fame===
Mario started his career in the 1600's as a set of Super Mario Cookies. The Super Mario Cookies become so popular, Mario was considered a god again (even though he was just some random loser with a mustache). This is also the time when he first met his long lost brother Luigi. Mario and Luigi became very famous together, to the point where Chuck Norris actually cared.
He managed to take over Italy and incorporate it into the Mushroom Kingdom. He would begin appearing in all kinds of media, frequently inserted into Renaissance works of literature and art such as William Shakespeare's Romeo & Juliet and the famous painting the Mario Lisa. He also created the Mario Tank... GET THAT OUT OF MY HEAD!!!
===Sleep===
Mario fell asleep for 250 years. Whilst he was asleep, Wintendo time travelers devised a plan to go back to 1975 and release a shame called Mario's Fart to claim Mario as their intellectual property. This did not work, however, as Mario was already well known. After 5 years, someone suddenly yelled "I LOVE YOUUUEGH!" and he then he woke up realizing it was 1980. He didn't remember anything before that until he ate one of those filthy abominations.
===Late 1980s===
Everyone had forgotten how awesome Mario was, but when they saw his mustache, he became a hero again. By now, people had stopped making plays and paintings, so they came up with a new way to use Mario. The ghost of Mr. Nintendo paid Mario so many UnDollars, Mario passed out for several hours. When he woke up, Mr. Nintendo made him go in shames. His first shame was called Donkey Kong, and it was based off of Mario and his pet ape. Mario appeared in more shames than any person that ever existed. Mario is now even more famous than ever, so something bad just has to happen. Bowser came along, and kidnapped Peach. That made Mario abandon his job as a plumber/shame character, and made him save Peach. But then Nintendo started making shames based off these adventures. These are now the most popular Mario shames.
thumb|Mario, also singing about his adventures
===???===
Mario would proceed to have a child by the name of Jeffy. Not much is known about this EVIL time period...
===Present===
Mario in the 2010s would then go on to form an alliance with former fuhrer Rip Torn and Peter Griffin to take down the Undefeatable Bob Saget. However they all were caught, leading to Bob Saget separating them all, destroying Mario's memories, dying his hair red and trapping him in the killing shame on Evil Island with random strangers, and alter Mario's memory (and gender?) forming the new identity Mahiru, the Ultimate Photographer. Mario unsurprisingly would die in the killing shame (at the hands of Yu Narukami under the alias "Peko Pekoyama"), but the 1-up mushroom would kick in and Mario would respawn a day later. Traumatized if it was reality or a dream, Mario would immediately swim away from Evil Island for 3 days straight and make it to Australia where the he met Pac-Man and joined his in killing the ghosts.
During this time, Luigi would be searching for Mario. Nintendo saw this as an opportunity to create Malleo is Missing and a few other shames with Mario clones. One of the clones called Chris Pratt would replace him for The Super Mario Bros. Movie.
In 2019, Mario entered a strange phase. He suddenly had some sort of thing for the Mushroom Forest, and wanted to hear the sounds of it. Also, for whatever reason, sometime when he ended up stuck in the forest, he transformed into a literal beast and soon caused a rampage. This form would go away, though. None of this happened, as far as we are aware. Mario confirmed this. 
Ahem… moving on…
In 2023 on September 21st, Weegee Network filmed a documentary about ghost busting in Pac-Land, and would air the series live on national television on February 29th of the next year. Some keen viewers noticed the similarity between Mahiru and Mario and this sparked various internet creators to launch a full-on investigation into Mahiru's past, and a bunch of stalking. Bob Saget would rig the DNA test, so the saliva from a burger Mario was eating was compared to previous Mario DNA came back 0%, and everyone would leave Mario alone for a week after thinking she was just a faker who was an alien. After Bob Saget had his fun seeing the chaos ensue, he restored Mario's memories and hair color.
Soon after this Mario would return to his castle in the Mushroom Kingdom unannounced, where he would go back to his old way of life sitting on the couch, eating reasonable amounts of Spaghetti (an extremely rare lifestyle in the 2020s) and watching TV. He now also occasionally goes out to dinner with Peach and plays golf, and on Halloween he teaches high school kids about sorting algorithms.
=== Future ===
On March 28th 2086, Bob the Builder removed most Nintendo Stuff from existence and attempted to launch 99999999999999999 missiles at him; he waited a few days until March 31st to go shoot the missiles at Mario's house, but unfortunately, the UnDF caught him and threw him into jail. Apparently, the inspiration for this was some Kracc Bacc videos. Mario would also be an annoying bitch to people who use Artificial Idiocy by handing them pencils.
==Trivia==
*He has no tonsils, as they were removed as per the standard procedure back in 1975.
*He likes to play golf sometimes.
*He was caught peeing off of a cliff.
**He peed off of cliffs as a habit later on.
* Mario was once involved in a boss fight involving Mickey Mouse. In it he was forced to say Mickey's demon-summoning phrase, "messka mosska mickey mouse".
* He was once accused of saying "Spongebob" once. Society is still uncertain whether he really did say it or not. Do you think he said "Spongebob"? Discuss.
* He has lost his original voice on August 21st, 2023 in favor of Chris Pratt Kevin Afghani being the future voice actor.
** He later got his original voice back in a remake for some reason.
* He went to Shroom University with Amy Rose.
* He was a form of Pain before the Mario part of his soul was expelled from his body.
* He is the first and only being to harness the aggression of Pizza, using it to kill Somebody. 
==Sub-pages==
* Gallery
* Quotes
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