The Lusty Argonian Maid

The Lusty Argonian Maid is a book in , , and .
==Locations==
===Morrowind===
*Vivec City, found on the body of Crassius Curio.
===Oblivion===
*Anvil, in Heinrich Oaken-Hull's House.
*Bliss, close to the entrance gate.
*Cheydinhal, the Dark Brotherhood Sanctuary. Ocheeva owns a copy.
*Deepscorn Hollow, next to the bed of the Dark Minion.
*Gweden Farm, basement in the sleeping area.
*Imperial City, found on the body of Gaston Tussaud.
*Imperial City Waterfront by the pirates.
*Leyawiin in Southern Books.
*Dunroot Burrow, Sanctum of Decadence, behind the first bed on the left after the Chalice of Reversal.
===Skyrim===
*The College of Winterhold Arcanaeum, in a locked display case.
*Driftshade Refuge, on a bookshelf.
*Falkreath, next to the chair on the west-southwest guard bridge.
*Honningbrew Meadery, next to the bed in the loft floor (Volume 2)
*Lucky Lorenz's Shack, a crushed house across the river from the Abandoned Prison. Next to the body of Lucky Lorenz.
*Morthal, Highmoon Hall Underneath Joric's bed.
*Riften, Haelga's Bunkhouse, left of the altar of Dibella on the bedstand in Haelga's room. (Both volumes)
*Riften, Riftweald Manor, found within the basement. Also on the desk near the bust of the Gray Fox.
*Winterhold Jarl's Longhouse, in a room on the second floor.
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*Fort Dawnguard, next to some potions and a bedroll.
*Volkihar Ruins, in Valerica's study. (Volume 2)
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*Apocrypha, as a drop from Seekers.
*Benkongerike in Solstheim in the Great Hall. On the right, inside a hut, there is a pile of both works. (13 of V1, 6 of V2)
*Skaal Village, Baldor Iron-Shaper's House, under his bed.
*Inside Hrodulf's House, in Solstheim. (Both volumes)
==Contents==
===Volume 1===
Act IV, Scene III, continued
Lifts-Her-Tail
: Certainly not, kind sir! I am here but to clean your chambers.
:
Crantius Colto
: Is that all you have come here for, little one? My chambers?
:
Lifts-Her-Tail
: I have no idea what it is you imply, master. I am but a poor Argonian maid.
:
Crantius Colto
: So you are, my dumpling. And a good one at that. Such strong legs and shapely tail.
:
Lifts-Her-Tail
: You embarrass me, sir!
:
Crantius Colto
: Fear not. You are safe here with me.
:
Lifts-Her-Tail
: I must finish my cleaning, sir. The mistress will have my head if I do not!
:
Crantius Colto
: Cleaning, eh? I have something for you. Here, polish my spear.
:
Lifts-Her-Tail
: But it is huge! It could take me all night!
:
Crantius Colto
: Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time.
:
END OF ACT IV, SCENE III
===Volume 2===
Note: Volume 2 was added in 
Act VII, Scene II, Continued
Lifts-Her-Tail
: My goodness, that's quite a loaf! But how ever shall it fit my oven?
Crantius Colto
: This loaf isn't ready for baking, my sweet. It has yet to rise.
Lifts-Her-Tail
: If only we could hurry that along. How would I accomplish such a task?
Crantius Colto
: Oh, my foolish little Argonian maid, you must use your hands.
Lifts-Her-Tail
: You wish me to knead the loaf? Here?
Crantius Colto
: Of course.
Lifts-Her-Tail
: But what if the mistress catches me? Your loaf was meant to satisfy her appetite.
Crantius Colto
: Don't fret, my delicate flower. I'll satisfy the mistress's cravings later.
Lifts-Her-Tail
: Very well, but I'm afraid my oven isn't hot enough. It could take hours!
Crantius Colto
: Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time.
:
END OF ACT VII, SCENE II
==Trivia==
*In and , this appeared as a single book, however in it appears as two separate volumes: Volume 1, Volume 2.
*In The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Nelacar would make a reference to this book if a persuasion attempt on him was failed during "The Black Star."
*In the add-on there is a (quest item) book called Lusty Argonian Maid Folio, which contains both Volume I and Volume II.
*Because both volumes of The Lusty Argonian Maid appear in ,May 6, 2013. The Elder Scrolls Online Ask Us Anything: Variety Pack 4 Crassius Curio is a "would-be" author of this literary work. According to research, The Lusty Argonian Maid has its origins in a long line of tales told by traveling bards.
*The quest "The Unveiling" references The Lusty Argonian Maid.
==Appearances==
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==References==
de:Die muntere Argonier-Maid
it:La Vogliosa Cameriera Argoniana
pl:Chutliwa Argoniańska Pokojówka
ru:Похотливая аргонианская дева