Insults

*If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents.
*If you don't want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately.
*Is your name Laryngitis? You're a pain in the neck.
*Is your name Dan Druff? You get into people's hair.
*I hear you pick your friends...to pieces!!
*I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.
*They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none.
*You should toss out more of your funny remarks; that's all they're good for.
*People can't say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority!
*You must have a low opinion of people if you think they're your equals.
*I wish you were all here. I don't like to think there is more!
*If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!
*Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and that's the best friend you can get.
*I don't think you are a fool. But then, what's my own humble opinion against thousands of others?
*Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye.
*People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright.
*Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.
*The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him.
*I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo.
*When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening.
*I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice.
*I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool.
*I'm very careful of how I express my opinions of you because I want to put as much vituperation in them as possible.
*I don't hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement.
*Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? I'll arrange it with the undertaker.
*People say that you are outspoken, but not by anyone that I know of.
*Your conversation is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick!
*We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move.
*When you get to the men`s room, you will see a sign that says, "Gentlemen." Pay no heed to it. Go right on in.
*The only things you ever make are mistakes and cigarette ashes.
*You always manage to keep your neck above water. We can tell by the color of it.
*You are just like a set of railroad tracks: getting laid all across the country.
*All that you are you owe to your parents. Why don't you send them a penny and square the account?
*I heard you have hair on your chest, and that`s not your only resemblance to Rin Tin Tin.
*No one should be punished for accident of birth, but you look too much like a wreck not to be.
*There was something about you that I liked, but you spent it.
*Sit down and give your mind a rest.
*Your knees haven't touched in a decade.
*When you were young, the Dead Sea was just sick.
*I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!
*I think you should live for the moment. But after that, I doubt I'll think so.
*Man alive! But I wish you weren't.
*I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead.
*Oh my God, you look horrible! Have you been sick?
*Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap.
*That insult is staler than your breath.
*You spent so much time trying to get rid of that halitosis that you had only to find out that you are not popular anyway.
*Just eyeing your face now, I am not in the mood for pepperoni.
*You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesn't like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you.
*Where did you here that, on a blog?
*We know that romance brings out the beast in you -- the jackass.
*I'm looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I haven't had it yet.
*There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them.
*All of your girlfriends kiss you with their eyes closed. Considering your face, that's the only way they could.
*I hear that when your mother first saw you, she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in.
*Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being.
*You have nothing to fear from my base instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you.
*It's your life -- but I wish you'd let us have it.
*If I told you to act your age, you'd die!
*I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.
*When it rains, are you always the last one to know?
*You don't need Rogaine for that bald patch, you need MiracleGro.
*You're the best at all you do -- and all you do is make people hate you.
*To you, a paycheck is what you spend on your wardrobe.
*In the dictionary under the word, "stupid," it says, "see him."
*If brains were taxed, you would get a rebate.
*We know you could not live without us. We'll pay for the funeral.
*You are so old, you fart dust!
*We do not complain about your shortcomings, but about your long sayings.
*I sent your photo to Extreme Makeover and What Not to Wear, and now they are fighting over you.
*When it rains, are you always the last one to know?
*Don't you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another?
*The 90s called, and they want their wardrobe back.
*The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you.
*It must have hurt really badly when your daddy dropped you.
*Things taught in history classes must have been current events for you.
*When you get run over by a car, it shouldn't be listed under accidents.
*You actually have to know what those words mean to use them.
*I thought about you when I went to the museum...
*You need twice as much sense to be a half-wit.
 
*I do like your cologne. But must you marinate in it?
*Oh look! A Mini-Me!
*You would need to grow six inches to qualify for a Napoleonic complex.
*You are so short you can give blowjobs standing up.
*Where did you hear that, a blog?
Category:Language Humor