The Happy Sounds of the Untortured Lost Soul

BIANCA-JADE: (Spoken to Scooby-Doo and the Mystery, Inc.) Okay, folks. Please be so kind enough to put on your listening ears for the next nine minutes.
ROSALIET: Got them on? 
SCOOBY-DOO: Yeah!
BIANCA-JADE: Good. Now just listen.
(We see the story play out upstage as BIANCA-JADE begins to tell it.)
BIANCA-JADE: (Singing.) Long ago, there lived a poor English dowager,
Her name is Belinda, and she owned the ancient farmlands beyond the borders
As she sent her son to the market-place where he sold their pet cow to the wizard Merlin who made him the singing superstar.
(Spoken) Are you with me?
FRED JONES: (Spoken.) Yeah, right! Belinda's the super-star, yeah.
BIANCA-JADE: No! His innocent son's real name is
Jackie Spriggens, and of course, he's almost rich but truly famous,
A lot of people, both royalty and commoners, come to hear her sing from other places near and far.
DAPHNE BLAKE: (Spoken.) Oh, we got it.
BIANCA-JADE: (Spoken.) That's good. He traded it for a bag of magic beans.
VELMA DINKLEY: (Spoken) Magic beans? Why would he trade a cow for a small bag of beans?
BIANCA-JADE (Singing.) Now, Merlin warned the cheerful people not to applaud so loud
Because up inside the spooky but beautiful castle that way up higher above the clouds,
For there dwells a pair of…
SHAGGY ROGERS: (Spoken) Oh, wait a minute, I know. Let us guess for a moment.
BIANCA-JADE: (Singing) Sure, if you can.
SHAGGY ROGERS: (Spoken) A pair of two mysterious phantom-sized giants! Is that right?
BIANCA-JADE: Right, well, mostly,
But the twist is that this even ghostly
Evil presence of a ogre is a bad monster, but his innocent wife is a beautiful, kind young woman.
SHAGGY ROGERS & SCOOBY-DOO: (Spoken) Huh?
BIANCA-JADE: (Singing) Now, this amazing woman had always been blessed
By God Almighty with all the godly gifts she'd proudly possessed:
Such musical talents and her dancing movements are so completely unmatched.
But, as you often will find
In these epic tales of this kind,
These gifts came and protected her from a ogre's death-curse so totally detached:
Her sweet human face that was forever the prettiest
And her wicked husband's face is so hideously jarring
She wore a hooded satin evening dress made out of seven rainbow silk veils to cover up all the bad bruises and bleeding scarrings.
DAPHNE BLAKE: (Spoken) Jeepers! That's sound cruel!
BIANCA-JADE: And lived inside the castle where she saw beanstalk poke through the clouds just like an opened portal.
SHAGGY ROGERS: (Spoken) Wait a minute, a portal? Why a portal?
BIANCA-JADE: (Singing) All her life, she'd seen the other dwarves, fairies and other creatures being tormented, teased, and taunted,
But now her husband the wicked Ogre made sure his human enemies would become the haunted.
The outside world that loved her has always made the Ogre feel unwanted as they would hear the toll:
The happy sounds of a untortured lost soul.
SHAGGY ROGERS: (Spoken) Okay, so I bet she was born with a lightning scar, we got it.
BIANCA-JADE: (Spoken) No, no. Your typical, everyday scar.
SHAGGY ROGERS: Ohh, the scars like Darth Vader had when he got misplaced by Hayden Christensen!
SCOOBY DOO: That's really funny, Shaggy. (Giggling) Heh, heh, heh!
ROSALIET: (Spoken) You know what, Shaggy Rogers. You and Scooby-Doo are actually the worst.
Listen up, you folks are definitely going to need to know this.
ROSALIET: (Singing) One day while she sat by the magic harp in the ivory tower room,
Distant angelical sounds of a soprano beyond the castle gardens so ripe and in full bloom
Drifted towards her from underneath the clouds below.
VELMA DINKLEY: (Spoken) Okay, so this tower room has a magic harp?
ROSALIET: (Ignoring her while singing) It sounded sweeter than a songbird,
In all her life she'd thought she has never heard
A sound like this, and she's falling instantly in love like she's struck by Cupid's golden arrow.
The singing voice, of course, was the dowager's son Jackie Spriggens,
And the friendly giantess went downstairs to the door, sought him and took him
Inside the castle where she made him her secret student, lover and her perfect muse.
And when she had locked the doors and windows, and closed the curtains
In order to avoid arousing the absent ogre's envious suspicions,
Then it's kind of shocking, then we've got some shocking news:
Because Jackie fell in love with her, and fell for her hard from the start.
She was feeling better and smart,
But he could see that inside, there was more.
Something alluring, he'd find
In the happiness and the sadness behind
The truth about the terrifying ogre whom he'd vow to flee from which he'd swore.
SHAGGY ROGERS: (Spoken) Wait a minute, I’m Crystal's husband?
Are we going to have to kiss?
Ew! Yuck! That's totally gross! You're like Cinderella's wicked stepsisters or some kind.
ROSALIET: (Spoken) Shaggy, it's called acting. So get use to it!
(Singing) And though, unlike her hideous husband, she was beauteous,
And the farmboy was her true perfection,
Through their music, they found their true connection,
A bond beyond their own control.
SHAGGY ROGER: (Spoken) I think I'm going to be sick.
SCOOBY-DOO: Yeah. Me, too!
VELMA DINKLEY: (Spoken) You two better not try to get sick on me. I'm not going to be kissing anybody who's not the biggest fan of Tina Turner!
ROSALIET: (Singing) And though her height tormented him and chilled him,
Her compositions haunted him and thrilled her.
Her mesmerizing melodies fulfilled him, made him whole…
The happy sounds of a untortured lost soul.
FRED JONES: Alright. He was handsome because he's in love with a girl so beautiful,
And her husband was a hideous monster…Okay so this is Beauty and the Beast of Stephenie Meyer's "Twilight" story collection?
DAPHNE BLAKE: Fred, less talking. More listening.
Because here's where it gets interesting.
Go on, you two. Tell us what happened next.
BIANCA-JADE: (Singing) One day, the Giantess hid the boy inside the oven
Because they knew the angry Ogre was returning by suspecting nothing,
And he's just displeased to hear about her lover and that's why he left the streets of Ancient Rome.
FRED JONES: (Spoken) Oh, great. There's always a love triangle.
ROSALIET: Angrily awakened at dawn to find his money, bird, and harp still missing,
The Ogre's last furious interrogation which his wife kept on dismissing.
And he caught a glimpse of Jackie made it back to the beanstalk that safely brought him back home.
ALL: (Spoken) Awesome!
BIANCA-JADE: And when Jackie got home, told his mother what happened and she said "Relax",
She ran into the kitchen and took out a double-bladed fire-ax;
She'd dashed outside and chopped down the beanstalk while the panicking Ogre had a very bad fall.
FRED & DAPHNE: Ouch!
ROSALIET: When the final battle was victorious over and finally done,
Belinda and Jackie had killed him—they'd truly won,
But the people cheered up happily now that Jackie's the richest nobleman of them all.
BIANCA-JADE & ROSALIET: Because though he was pretty, yes, and a true keeper,
The good giantess's love for the dowager's son was so much deeper.
The evil Ogre's loss that nothing could console.
No more of being afraid of the Ogre's existence that once had chilled him.
Never again would forget about the lovely giantess's music that fulfilled him,
And people say that that’s the thing that shrilled him, on the whole.
(Spoken) Together, Jackie and his mother grew another beanstalk that took them away to the castle where he'd wedded the giantess and they were never seen nor heard from ever again. But get this:
When King Arthur of Camelot and his Round Table knights arrived at the village where they heard the story and they'd unmasked it,
They ordered the wizard Merlin to mummify the dead Ogre's body in bandages and keep it chained inside the iron-maiden casket.
They say the giantess had, depending who you ask it, just for one last goal…
ALL: One last goal?
BIANCA-JADE & ROSALIET: To this day, outside in the forest at night you'll see the floating castle, or near it,
If you be kind to listen very closely, you can feel it and just hear it:
The romantic songs of a untortured gentle spirit's final role.
The happy sounds of a untortured lost soul.
ROSALIET: (Spoken) That's the basic plot, anyway.
BIANCA-JADE: You'd got to admit the truth. It's truly groovy!
SHAGGY ROGERS: (Spoken) So let me get this straight: it's a love story about two people who loved each other so much despite their appearances
and then their love for one another still haunts this castle forever?
ALL: Yes.
SHAGGY ROGERS: (Spoken) Bianca-Jade! Rosaliet!
That's just like the different version of the fairy-tale love story our college teacher, Professor Nick Burkhardt told us!
This play is just like the story of the castle that has been recently used as our personal magic training school and museum during the day and our five-star hotel at night.
That is so… meta and like mega-weird. Oh man.
The song is written by me based upon Danny Abosch and John Maclay's song "The Story of the Phantom" mentioned in the soundtrack of the play "Goosebumps: The Musical".