Pizza Pocket

I was hungry.
That was essentially the only reason for any of this. Some may say to me that I need to get my diet in check – which is to say that it is one that is rather indulgent – I confess, I seldom ever eat anything considered ‘nutritional’ or even remotely ‘beneficial to one's health’. The pizza pocket for me, is the epoch of my love for junk food. The flavour and ingredients commonly used in pizzas – which mind you, are actually rather dissimilar in taste – condensed into the inner crust of a plump, round bun, all while being incredibly simple and easy to prepare (forgive me for this tautology, but I simply cannot stress the quality of such a product enough). For me, I consider the pizza pocket to be one of mankind’s greatest achievements; truly a godsend!
I had rather mechanically ventured towards the kitchen to quickly prepare a fresh store bought pizza pocket, a task turned autonomous from this repetitious cycle repeated throughout many years. I believe I had bought a box of McCain’s cheese and bacon pizza pockets, four of them being inside the box. I opened the packet and pulled out the largest pocket in the box – one that was frozen but still looked temptatious in a way, a feeling that would most certainly increase a thousandfold upon thawing before my very eyes. I prepared a paper towel to put on the plate and subsequently folded it over the top of the bun – this if you aren’t aware, was done to soak up the moisture that would secrete in the thawing process, an almost mechanical process that made the meal all the more delightful.
Upon placing it inside the microwave and setting it to two minutes thirty, I patiently watched in awe at the snack which seemed to appear more and more vivacious to me, as odd as that may sound. If you could have seen me, a fully grown man staring inside a microwave with a childlike wonder, watching the slow rotation of the plate, you would most likely assume that I was mentally challenged. I didn’t care anyway, the curve of this quaint little pizza pocket was more seductive than any woman I’d ever seen.
Though after a minute or so of staring in silence, I had heard the strangest noise. A pop – not the kind of pop typical of say, a gunshot, but a sort of bubbling.. a crackling of sorts, if that makes sense? I had not hitherto heard a sound like this before, it was enough to give me quite the momentary shock. After another minute of anxiously awaiting the sound of another pop, I was startled by the sudden beeping of the microwave which undoubtedly signified one thing – it was ready.
‘How gorgeous!’, I thought to myself, the sound of the pop from earlier being completely omitted from memory. This plump specimen was one of the most alluring I had ever examined. I could not wait to sink my teeth into its juicy, tender insides – a feeling that would surely offer me the most gratifying kind of pleasure imaginable. I situated myself on the couch in the living room, a freshly made pizza pocket waiting to be devoured. I waited a while for it to cool down, but inevitably, my patience would not last. I brought the pocket up to my mouth and took a large, rich bite of it. Instantly, I was hit with a rather odd taste. It tasted similar to the pizza pockets I had previously eaten, but there was another taste present – it’s hard to describe but I remember a rather salty taste in my mouth – then, at once, came the smell.
A pungent odour pervaded all my senses, I instantly spat out what I had been chewing down into my plate. The sight before my very eyes was enough to make me puke. The chewed, upper half of a grotesquely mangled fetus lay in a pool of pizza sauce and blood – its remains looked lacquered, due to the excessive saliva that had preceded the bite. Even in my shock, I could very well discern that this was not an ingredient intended for consumption. It’s complexion was a dark and discoloured purple similar to that of a dried grape. It’s features - or what was left - were mostly chewed into a state of arrant obscurity. It was very alien in appearance, a creature that looked like it had been pulled straight out of John Carpenter’s ‘The Thing’. After processing what I had bitten into momentarily, I screamed and dropped my plate. The pieces of the plate shattered, the alien fetus’ blood oozed from its remains, coalescing with the innards of its crusted shell. Upon inspection, one could make out the remainder of its body twitching slightly inside the pizza pocket, like that of a dying cockroach.
I’ve been ruminating here for a while typing this out, knowing fully well that no one would believe me. Even if I showed them the corpse, they would think I had constructed some elaborate prank – ha! I wish it was that, if only they knew how perilous this situation was for me... Though to be completely honest with you, the bulk of my peril doesn’t stem from the fact that I had unknowingly taken a bite of this pitiful hatchling before me – it’s this strange idea that I’d been developing while typing this. An utterly contemptuous idea – one that becomes more appealing the more I think about it. I am a man with a very refined palette, a man of great taste! This was undoubtedly due to how I was brought up – I was taught not to waste food, that to waste a meal would be an egregious sin! It would be such a shame to let a pizza pocket of this quality go to waste, a great shame.. an idea that seems intolerable. 
Besides, with all that was said and done – it didn’t taste half bad!
Category:Items/Objects
Category:Weird