Does anyone else feel like they are not allowed to have fun or they don't deserve to have fun?

Anyone feel like work makes life feel pointless?
I get up, I go to work, I get back home after 7, and I'm too tired and depressed to do anything. I spend the weekends cleaning and doing things I don't have time to do during the week. My job is stressful and miserable and doesn't even pay enough to have savings. I barely scrape by and I have nothing to show for it.
Getting a new job is like an existential nightmare. I've never had a job that didn't feel like a giant waste of time. I know exactly what I want to do, but I need more time to do it. I can't even afford to move somewhere better, because I can't build up any savings. This all feels like a giant trap. Anyone manage to get out? Got a job doing something that doesn't make you feel like you only exist to perform mindless repetitive tasks to receive a tiny fraction of the fruits of your labor? I can't be the only one in this situation.
== Part 1 ==
Every single morning, the instant that I wake up a strong sense of dread for the day ahead washes over me. It’s way worse on days that I work but I don’t even hate my job and I only have to work 3 days a week but it still exhausts me and the idea that I’ll eventually have to work 5 days a week for the rest of my life or until I’m retired just makes me feel like what’s even the point.
I’m not a lazy person at all, but going to work and interacting with people gives me such terrible anxiety and sucks all my energy from me and I can’t think of a career that won’t do the same.
Do any of you feel this way and if so how do you keep going? I’ve tried so many different therapists and meds, but nothing seems to help. I feel like there’s no hope for me to never feel like this for the rest of my life and my only comfort is looking forward to retirement, but I don’t want to wish my life away.
== Part 2 ==
It is normal, and there can be a number of reasons why you dread waking up in the morning, to face everything in the new day.
It might be you aren’t happy with how your day goes. Such as doing boring and tiresome chores, going to work, eating the same breakfast you did yesterday, and then maybe hanging for a bit with friends, family or a partner, only to repeat that again and again. Add a sense of enjoyment and happiness to your day. Maybe get into a fun hobby like gardening or reading books. Join a fitness club or any club, to connect with people and create new friends. Life does sometimes become bland, so that’s why you need to add some spice to flavor it.
Perhaps you lack motivation to wake up and take on the day. Motivation is underestimated and needs to be brought into the light again. I used to feel this way, dreading the day it had planned for me. I would wake up from a restful sleep, only once I open my eyes, I simply wanted to go back to sleep (not just because I was tired). I feared for what the day had in store. Sadness, rejection, ridicule and unsatisfied unhappiness were just some emotions played with.
Work has, and always will, use me for their dirty work. Calling up and asking me to cover someone because they weren’t willing to do their job. I feared phone calls from that number, just becoming more anxious in hope that number wasn’t going to pop up.
== Part 3 ==
And now I still somehow feel like I never belong, and no one can possibly like me. It’s messed up because I do have a few close friends and I know they do care about me. But somehow deep down I feel like I don’t deserve to have fun and live life.
I feel like fun is for people that deserve it, and I’m not worthy. My goal in life has been to do everything that I can to “earn” fun. Overwork, deprive myself of care, give to others, etc in hopes that some day I’ll feel like I did enough to deserve the fun. Did that for years. Currently trying to comprehend that I deserve fun (and more) simply by existing, and no one, including myself, can hold it from me. Rest (fun) is a requirement, not a reward.
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