King Dazahk's Bible

is a document.
==To read==
* Click on the interactive book next to Dazahk Freezammer (NPC) at the end of the King Dazahk's Brewery.
==Contents==
===Page 1===
==King Dazahk's Bible==
Record of Grievances and Scores to Settle
===Page 2===
This book contains all the grumblings, grievances, hostilities, complaints and grudges that His Majesty the King Dazahk Freezammer, son of Nordoth, grandson of Gonoth, descendant of Ludzuk and Hodhad the First, has against all those who have offended the clan and the crown. Only the sovereign is authorised to write in these pages of Goblin skin bound in draconic leather. Any person who attempts to falsify the royal bible will immediately have his or her name added to the list; the punishment will be terrible, with possible sentences running the gamut from being deprived of beer for seven days to capital punishment: being fully shaved from head to toe.
===Page 3===
Wrongdoers: Goblins — whether they be grey, mauve or spotted green
Affronts: it would take several volumes to contain even a partial list of the wrongs done by these vile creatures
Possible redress: total eradication of all Goblins from the World of Twelve
Wrongdoers: Crocodyls
Affront: the attempt, led by the Jade Bloodlord, to invade the World of Twelve, which resulted in the death of many Stubbyobs (grievance added under the reign of Gonoth Freezammer, and renewed under the reigns of his descendants)
Possible redress: being turned into bags, purses, belts, and billfolds
Wrongdoers: Stubbyobs of the Hard-Head Clan
Affront: impugning the impartiality of a judge from the Freezammer clan, several times, during the ninth Smythposium under the reign of King Nordoth (grievance renewed under the reign of King Dazahk).
Possible redress: official apologies from the sovereign of the Hard-Head clan, public acknowledgement of the victory of the sisters Brokkr and Eitri Forganvil, and an appropriate gift
===Page 4===
Wrongdoer: Volkaragnar
Affronts: theft of Brikkr's Hammer, trickery, and forgery
Possible redress: return of the stolen item, gift of all the treasure accumulated over the centuries as compensation, and being beaten to death with red-hot irons
Wrongdoer: Count Jacquemart Astron Harebourg
Affronts: trickery and careless actions resulting in Frigost Island freezing over
Possible redress: removal of the curse, and compensation for suffering equal to the suffering experienced
Wrongdoers: members of the Frigost Village municipal council
Affront: putting on the agricultural competition that allowed Count Harebourg to initiate his plans to build a machine to stop time
Possible redress: payment of ten million kamas to the Kingdom of Freezammer Treasurer; in addition, an assortment of Frigostian products could help Dweld Ereeve envisage a banquet of reconciliation in the future
===Page 5===
Wrongdoer: Missiz Freezz
Affront: using unnatural forging techniques
Possible redress: the cessation of all cursed armour production, destruction of the Frostforge, and permanent banishment
Wrongdoer: Sylargh the Imp
Affront: unauthorised incursions into the Kingdom of Freezammer
Possible redress: scrapping twenty or so Mechaniacs to serve as an example
Wrongdoer: Blunderette
Affronts: chronic insolence and repeated mockery of the ladies of the court
Possible redress: sentenced to death, Blunderette was allowed to choose how she wanted to die; she chose to die of old age. This last joke made the king laugh, and the sentence was commuted to 77 years of guarding the doors to the royal Brewery.
===Page 6===
Wrongdoer: Ystrion Bannisterr
Affronts: doubtful advice while serving as the Glove of the King, disastrous management while serving as Treasurer, and serving the King flat beer while acting as royal Cub-Bearer
Possible redress: ostracism is a family tradition within the Bannisterr clan, Ystrion is advised to follow in his ancestors' footsteps and take a hike
Wrongdoer: Esneb
Affronts: as King's Tailor, he failed to warn His Majesty that he'd put his pants on backwards after an evening involving a little too much tipple
Possible redress: sewing seven pairs of woollen briefs, and being obliged to wear all seven at the same time for seven months in a row without scratching even once