Transcripts 2004-10

Transcripts from October 2004 strips.
==October 1==
Panel 1Partial view of the couch, with certain SFW parts of (naked) Anne visible in a suggestive manner. A blue shirt is draped over the back of the couch.Caption: MEANWHILE...Richard (off-panel): Aw crap! You were right Anne. Maybe I should have stopped Norman going out!Anne: Hummmmhmmmm...Panel 2Same as panel 1 but different parts visible, Anne's tail and a hand reaching for the shirt.Richard (off-panel): Now I can't shake this feeling of foreboding! I just KNOW something is going to happen now!Richard (off-panel): The last time I felt like this, those mobile phone masts "just fell over" as he put it!Anne: Ummmmm...Panel 3Anne's head is visible now, a mischievous grin on her face. The shirt is missing.Richard (off-panel): I would call to warn someone, if I weren't tied up naked on my sofa with various pieces of clothing and about to be gagged with your MMMPF!!!
==October 4==
Panel 1Tiny silhouettes of Gary and Norman are in the far background, with a tiny flame on the ground next to Gary. In the foreground is a hole with the flag in, surrounded by three barrels of presumably highly explosive fluid, some fluid leaking onto the ground.Gary: FORE!Panel 2Same as panel 1, but the tiny flame is propelled into the air with a "TWACK!" on a course toward the hole.Panel 3The flame approaches the hole.Panel 4The hole, flag, and barrels go up in a blaze of fire.Panel 5Camera view from behind Norman and Gary, looking toward the inferno. Gary has a fiendish grin on his face.Norman: Okay, you might be a lawyer and golf is still a silly game... but you have CLASS!
==October 8==
Panel 1Gary and Norman are hightailing it toward the camera, an even larger inferno than in the prior comic blazing behind them.Norman: Okay, you've convinced me you're cool. You can be my lawyer!Gary: Oh I am TRULY honoured!Panel 2Side view of the two running. The full moon (with faint crescent) is in the sky.Norman: Right then, as my legal representative what do you suggest?Gary: As getting caught is nine tenths of the law; I say we run faster!
==October 11==
Panel 1Silhouettes of Norman and Gary against the (mostly) full moon, running as fast as they can.Norman: *Puff!* *Puff!* Why did you have to park the car so far away! I'm knackered!Gary: So the police don't find any tire marks! Now hurry up! The cops could be here any second!Panel 2Simons and Fat Lez lean against their patrol car, holding steaming coffee mugs. Lez also has a thermos.Simons: Hey Lez! Do ya see dat big 'ol fire at da golf club dat's bound ta take ages ta 'ort out, and dat we'll get 'uck all overtime pay for doin'?Lez: Nope!Simons: Me nether!
==October 15==
Panel 1Close-up of Norman with an incredulous look.Norman: Wait a second! You're telling me THAT thing is your car?Panel 2Gary is standing next to a muddy Land Rover Series II. Norman is in the foreground glaring at it/him.Gary: Hey! I'll have you know that the series two is an automotive classic!Norman: Sorry, I just can't see you driving around in a heap that's twice my age!Panel 3Gary gives a knowing sneer and opens the driver's side door.Gary: That's PRECISELY why I bought it! No one will notice it! Besides, have you ever tried to get golf clubs AND a few barrels of explosive into a 9-11's tiny boot?
==October 18==
Panel 1Gary's Land Rover charges through what is probably a residential area and most definitely off-road, wheels not touching the ground. Gary barely avoids hitting a gate and other obstacles.Gary: ...The courts wants to make an example of you as they can't let vigilante actions go unpunished! However they can't come down TOO hard with the public so behind you.Norman: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! PLEASE SLOW DOWN! AHHHH! WATCH OUT FOR THAT GATE! NNNNN!Panel 2View of Gary and Norman in the car, Gary grinning at Norman, and Norman wild-eyed with panic.Gary: However they seem willing to cut a deal. They didn't go into detail but they said something about a "punishment" you'd like! What do you say to that?Norman: AAAAAHHH!Panel 3Front view of the car from further ahead of the car, the shot tinged with yellow from the headlight beams. The car has just careened through a hedge with a CRRRUNCH!!!Gary: Oh don't sound TOO happy about it! I'm only working my butt off for free here!Norman: GONNA DIE! GONNA DIE! GONNA DIE!Gary: Stupid place for a hedge!
==October 22==
Panel 1Side view as Richard groggily answers the front door, topless and eyes closed.Richard: Can you TRY to remember your keys next time! Do you know...Panel 2Face-on view as Richard is suddenly wide awake, with a startled expression.Richard: Woah! What the hell happened to you?Panel 3Face-on view of Norman, ears down and shocked look on his face.Norman: Something that I didn't think was possible my friend!Norman: Tonight I met someone who is even more bat-shit insane then I am!
==October 25==
The Church of Poisoned Minds
Panel 1Black-and-white monochrome comic. Al is holding and examining a sheet of paper.Al: I wasn't going to do a church strip on the US election. Everything to say has already pretty much been said, but I still got a number of emails on my views on this farcical freak show! In short; you're fucked!Panel 2Al is standing between and gesturing toward a photo of George W. Bush and a photo of John Kerry.Al: To my right (and everybody else's) you have a vacant mouthpiece for the neo conservatives who are so full of shit they now believe their own lies! Wobbling around to my left is a man who won the primaries by being as bland as possible and can't make his mind up over the simplest things! The only thing he really has going for him is that "he's not Bush!" Well fuck-a-doodle-doo! How did it come to this? I'll tell you!Panel 3Al is sneering mischievously into the camera.Al: The problem is, you're stupid! Yes YOU! You are given the power of choice over something you have little or no grasp over, so you end up voting for the person with the best hair! So you get what you deserve! You get to pick between corrupt, rich arsehols with nice hair! The problem with democracy is that most people are too dumb to vote!Al (aside): Of course YOU'RE different! YOU know why you're voting for "your guy". Of COURSE you do!
==October 29==
Panel 1External view of a courthouse.Caption: SEVERAL WEEKS LATER AT THE WORTHING COURTHOUSENorman (off-panel): 70 hours of community service doing charity work?! This sucks!Gary (off-panel): They were adamant that you would enjoy this Mr Gates!Panel 2Norman is dressed in an ill-fitting suit and glaring angrily at a sheet of paper in his hand. Gary looks up at him in expectation, holding up his briefcase.Norman: How the hell will I enjoy going around collecting money for "The Bonfire Association" this time of yea...Panel 3Norman is grinning from ear to ear. Gary walks along with a pleased smile.Gary: I know it's saying the obvious, but DAMN I'm good!
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