Transcripts 2005-03

Transcripts from March 2005 strips.
==March 4==
Panel 1Gary runs to the left with determination in his eyes.Gary (thinking): Okay so the last two public phones I've tried don't work! No problem, I can probably find someone around here that can help!Panel 2Gary is stopped by two chavs (including Troy?), who threaten him with a pocket knife (yes, one knife between them).Troy?: Hey! Gimmie your wallet or I'll cut ya!Panel 3Gary side-eyes the chav, who maintains a mean expression while pointing the knife at Gary.Gary (thinking): I suppose I could ask these guys to help that stab victim, but sadly I don't speak chav!
==March 6==
Panel 1Gary has a scared look on his face as he reaches into his coat pocket.Gary: Okay here you go, I don't want any troub...Panel 2Gary whips out a squeeze bottle and sprays liquid on the chav with a "FWIZZ!" The chav looks down at the stain in confusion.Troy?: Whodya think your'e doin?Panel 3Gary moves off-panel, only his hand visible as it "FLICK!"s a lit lighter at the chav, whose eyes bug out at the sight with a "! over his head"
==March 11==
The Church of Poisoned Minds
Panel 1Black-and-white monochrome comic. Al is looking straight into the camera with his hands over the edge of the panel, a huge, chipped-toothed grin on his face.Al: TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY! WHAT DID YOU GET ME?Panel 2 (inset)Al glares angrily into and points at the camera.Al: What do you mean "nothing?" YOU GET NO CAKE!
==March 14==
Panel 1Tessa peeks around a corner and looks in confusion at the now on-fire chav from earlier running and screaming in the foreground.Lancelot (off-panel): You know, I'm not sure where to begin Miss Edwards. This is the first time I've talked to anyone at length. So pardon me if my story telling skills aren't up to much...
Tessa: ?Panel 2Two Advisors talk, looking annoyed, as the Oracle waits behind them. Three banners with "The Random Power" hang in the background.Lancelot (off-panel): My story starts when a number of Advisors where unhappy with the fact that the Oracle controlled everything from airports to washing machines and, more importantly, his direct control of military units. They rightly didn't trust the old man and wanted separate AIs for the Inlays.Panel 3Close-up of an Inlay king.Lancelot (off-panel): So they built extra smart AI units for the job. The Inlay "kings."
==March 18==
Panel 1An Inlay king with a "2" decal on its shoulder stands next to the Oracle and an Anarchist programmer, the latter of whom flinches at the sight of whatever they are viewing off-camera. Another Inlay equipped with tank treads instead of legs is visible behind them in the distance.Lancelot (off-panel): However, preliminary tests of the kings didn't go well. The Oracle ran rings around them in a series of war games.
Panel 2The programmer looks over his shoulder nervously as he types on a laptop, which is resting atop a device that is hooked up to the Oracle's main? node.Lancelot (off-panel): Knowing the undecided advisors wouldn't give control of the Inlay army to inferior AIs, the king advocates decided to steal an edge from the Oracle by copying part of it's engine code.Panel 3Close-up of the initial version of Arthur.Lancelot (off-panel): They spliced the code into a king they had dubbed "Arthur" with his original code. He was the smartest out of the five created and quickly made a profound deduction...Arthur (thinking): We are SO dead!
==March 21==
Single Panel/Flash AnimationClose-up of the Oracle staring into the camera. Flash version is basically the same as the static version but has a fiery blue effect in the Oracle's eyes as it subtlely looks up and down.Lancelot (off-panel): From that shard of code he could see what the Oracle WAS. It only wanted to do two things. The two things it was designed for: To predict the future and better itself. To do this the Oracle needed events to predict so it could test itself and get better results next time.Lancelot (off-panel): But to analyse the results the best the Oracle could, it needed these events to be a fair test. So it had to manufacture these experiments itself. The Oracle's code was about CREATING chaos just as much as it was predicting it!
==March 25==
Panel 1Close-up of a drop of water falling from a tap, but the Oracle's face is in the droplet forming.Lancelot (off-panel): Oh sorry, I might be getting a little over dramatic here with the "creating chaos" thing. Most of it was harmless.Lancelot (off-panel): One time he forced a tap to leak in a men's room so he watch the drops and predict the splashes.Panel 2Silhouette of the Tower of Babel as it fires into the sky against a background of red clouds.Lancelot (off-panel): But then to him, building a super weapon so devastating that the world had no choice to attack it is the same as watching water splash.
==March 28==
Single Panel, verticalThe header is on the right side of the comic, as though the comic has been rotated 90 degrees clockwise. The Oracle is at the top, with disembodied white hands with strings gesturing as though controlling a marionette. At the bottom, below the caption, is a marionette that resembles Tessa.Lancelot (off-panel): Of course the old man couldn't start a war every week, and watching water gets dull after a while, even for an AI. So the Oracle likes to entertain itself by other means. He picks out people, apparently at random, and makes it his mission to run, and usually ruin, their lives. He has a few thousand or so going at any one time but he has his "favourites", putting them in extraordinary circumstances to see when they die or have a mental breakdown. As you might have already guessed Miss Edwards, that you're one of the old man's favourite playthings!
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