Rasputin's Evil Plot Revealed/Laugh to Death

(Later at the Acme Factory, the male heroes and the Fearsome Four are being frisked by Negaduck, Redcap, and the Goblins as Rasputin came down a conveyor belt elevator)
Redcap: We searched the boys, Bosses.
Negaduck: But there's no will with them.
Rasputin: Then frisk the girls.
(The first Goblin then approached the female heroes excitedly)
Greasy: I'll handle this one...
[Greasy rolls up his sleeve and puts his hand between Jessica's breasts. There is a snapping sound and Greasy rapidly withdraws his hand with a man trap on it.]
Greasy: Yaaaggghhh! Yaaaahshamatalla! Yaaggh!
[The weasels start laughing.]
Valiant: [to Jessica] Nice going, Jess.
[Doom whacks Greasy into a pile of boxes spilling false eyeballs all over the floor.]
Doom: Do they have the will or not?
Smart Ass: Nah. Just this stupid love letter.
Doom: No matter. I doubt if that will is going to show up in the next fifteen minutes anyway.
Valiant: What happens in the next fifteen minutes?
Doom: Toontown will be legally mine. Lock, stock, and barrel.
[Roger drives out of Toontown in Valiant's car, which is in bad shape. He spins it around to a stop in front of Benny.]
Roger: Benny! Is that you?
Benny: No! It's Shirley Temple! [Getting up on his rear wheels and limping across the road.] Ahh! Ooh! Eee!
Roger: Jumping Jeepers. What happened?
Benny: Doom grabbed your wife and Valiant and took them to the Acme factory.
Roger: The Acme factory? I know where that is. Get in.
Benny: Move over, Rodge. You've done enough driving for one night.
[Back at the Acme Factory, Stupid and Wheezy have just broken through one of the walls. Rays of light shine through and faint music can be heard.]
Stupid: Duh, Toontown's right on the other side of the wall, Boss.
Doom: You see, Mr. Valiant? The successful conclusion of this case draws a curtain for my career as a jurist in Toontown. I'm retiring. To take a new role in the private sector.
Valiant: That wouldn't be Cloverleaf Industries by any chance, eh?
Smart Ass: [Waving a gun at Valiant.] Eh, eh!
Doom: You're looking at the sole stockholder.
[Roger and Benny pull up outside the Acme Factory.]
Roger: Benny. You go for the cops. I'm going to save my wife.
Benny: Be careful with that gun. This ain't no cartoon, you know. [Driving off.] This is no way to make a living.
[Roger tries to open one of the windows but it is jammed. He leans against it.]
Roger: Wouldn't you know? Locked.
[The window suddenly swings open and Roger falls through.]
Roger: Waaaaaaaggghhaahhaahhaaa!
[Inside, Roger falls into the toilet and it flushes, sucking Roger down. Inside the factory, Doom walks up to a large object covered by tarpauling. He drops a silver tray onto the floor, pulls it aside and opens a valve releasing a green liquid onto the tray, which starts to corrode.]
Doom: Can you guess what this is?
Jessica: Oh my God, It's DIIIIIIIIIIP!!!
Doom: That's right, my dear! Enough to dip Toontown off the face of the Earth! [The cover is removed to reveal a large machine.] A vehicle of my own design. 5000 gallons of heated Dip, pumped at enormous velocity through a pressurized water cannon. Toontown will be erased in a matter of minutes.
Jessica (O.S.): I suppose you think no one's going to notice Toontown's disappeared?
Doom: Who's got time to wonder what happened to some ridiculous talking mice when you're driving past at 75 m.p.h.?
Jessica: What are you talking about? There's no road past Toontown.
Doom: Not yet! [Starts slipping on the eyeballs] Several months ago, I had the good providence to stumble upon a plan of the city council's. A construction plan of epic proportions. They're calling it a freeway.
Valiant: A Freeway? What the hell's a freeway?
Doom: Eight lanes of shimmering cement running from here to Pasadena. Smooth, safe, fast. Traffic jams will be a thing of the past.
Valiant: So that's why you killed Acme and Maroon? For this Freeway? You're kidding.
Doom: Of course not. You lack vision. But I see a place where people get on and off the freeway. On and off. Off and on. All day, all night. Soon where Toontown once stood will be a string of gas stations, inexpensive motels, restaurants that serve rapidly prepared food, tire salons, automobile dealerships, and wonderful, wonderful billboards reaching as far as the eye can see! My god... It'll be beautiful.
Valiant: Come on. Nobody's gonna drive this lousy freeway when they can take the red car for a nickel.
Doom: Oh, they'll drive. They'll have to. You see, I bought the Red Car so I could dismantle it.
[There is a rumbling sound and Greasy looks down at the manhole beneath him.]
Greasy: What the... Aaaaaagggghhh!
[The manhole shoots into the air as a geyser of water bursts out of it sending Greasy into the air. He clutches onto a net full of bricks hung from the ceiling. From the hole comes Roger.]
Greasy: Ay caramba!
Roger: Aaaaaaaaghhhhh! O.K. Nobody move! Alright, weasels, grab some sky or I let the judge have it. You heard me, I said drop it.
Jessica (O.S.): Roger! Darling!
Roger: Yes, it's me my dearest. I'd love to embrace you, but first, I have to satisfy my sense of moral outrage.
Doom: Put that gun down, you buck toothed fool!
Roger: That's it, Doom. Give me another excuse to pump ya full of lead. Thought you could get away with it, didn't you?
[Above Roger, Greasy gets out his knife.]
Roger: Ha! We Toons may act idiotic, but we're not stupid. We demand justice. Why, the real meaning of the word probably hits you like a ton of bricks!
[The bricks fall on Roger and Greasy smirks from the net.]
Jessica: Roger! Roger, say something.
Roger: Look! Stars! Ready when you are, Raoul. Hoo hoo hoo.
Doom: Tie the love birds together. Put them up on that hook. Use that escape proof toon rope.
Psycho: Time to kill the rabbit! Heh heh! Eh Heh heh!
Jessica: Oh, Roger. You were magnificent.
Roger: Was I really?
Jessica: Better than Goofy.
[Greasy starts up the Dip vehicle.]
Jessica: Roger, darling. I want you to know I love you. I've loved you more than any woman's ever loved a rabbit.
Doom: It's over, Mr. Valiant.
[He walks away whistling and slips on the eyeballs. The weasels start laughing at this and Valiant tries to sneak up on Smart Ass.]
Doom: [Clasping his right eye with his hand.] Look out! You fools!
Smart Ass: Not so fast.
Doom: One of these days, you idiots are going to laugh yourselves to death!
Smart Ass: Shall I "repose" of him right now, Boss?
Doom: Let him watch his toon friends get dipped, then shoot him.
Smart Ass: With pleasure.
Valiant: Everything's funny to you, ain't it, Needle Nose?
Smart Ass: You got a problem with that, Valiant?
Valiant: Nah. I just, uh, want you to know something about the guy you're gonna dip! [Starts music machine with a 1900s calliope.]
Smart Ass: Whhhaaaaaa?
Valiant: ♪ Now Roger is his name ♪ Laughter is his game ♪ Come on you dope Untie his rope ♪ And watch him go insane. ♪
[Valiant screws around with rakes deliberately trying to step on them and have them slam into his head. The weasels start laughing.]
Jessica: He's lost his mind.
Roger: I don't think so...
Valiant: [Picks up weights and starts dancing with them] ♪ This singing ain't my line ♪ It's tough to make a rhyme ♪ If I get stuck ♪ I'm outta luck uhh, uhh...♪]
Jessica: I'm running out of time!
Valiant: Thanks.
[Valiant juggles with the weights and then lets them fall on his head. As he staggers backwards, he slips on a banana skin and falls into some boxes. He emerges bouncing around on a pogo stick and bounces so high that his head hits the light and he gets electrocuted. Stupid laughs so much that he kneels over and his ghost leaves his body. Wheezy sees his own ghost leaving and tries to pull it back but fails.]
Roger: Hey, Eddie! Keep it up! You're killing them! You're slaying them! You're knocking them dead!
[A lever is knocked and a vase starts to be carried by a conveyor belt to above Valiant's head.]
Valiant: ♪ I'm through with taking falls ♪ I'm bouncing off the walls ♪ Without that gun I'd have some fun I'd kick you in the…♪ <Crash>
[The vase falls on Valiant's head.]
Roger: Nose!
Smart Ass: Nose? That don't rhyme with walls.
Valiant: No, but this does.
[Valiant kicks Smart Ass in his crotch and he flies through the air to land in the vat of dip with yellow smoke.]
Smart Ass: Aaaagggggghhhhh!
[Only Psycho and Greasy are left and they find Smart Ass's death very amusing. So amusing that Greasy dies.]
Psycho: Hee hee!
Roger: Yikes! Oh my goodness. Jeepers! That was close.
[Psycho laughs so much that he falls off the cannon onto the dip coated brush at the front.]
Psycho: Ahhhhh!
[As Psycho's ghost floats past the cannon, he pulls a lever that turns it around.]
Psycho: Bye bye! Hee hee hee!
Category:Fan Fiction
Category:Who Framed Roger Rabbit Fanmakes
Category:Who Framed Roger Rabbit Parodies