Three Trolls-Keteers/Transcript

The following is a transcript for the episode "Three Trolls-Keteers".
== ==
(Two exhausted sunflowers named Pistil Pete and Pistil Patrick are walking through a part of the forest without trees. They son sigh and fall over. Pistil Pete then sees something.)
Pistil Pete: (gasps) Brother, look! (Pistil Patrick sees Troll Village in the distance.) Surely we will find who we’re searching for there! (He and Pistil Patrick approach the village and some forest critters greet them.)
All: (singsong) Hello, hello, hello!
Bird: (singsong) What’s the haps?
Pistil Pete: Friends... (clears his throat) … we have traveled far, looking for help. Our village is being threatened by a horrifying flower-eating beast called… the Snermit.
All: Uh…
Critter #1: That’s a weird name.
Pistil Pete: Are there any heroes among you brave enough to risk your very lives defending us?
All: (singsong) Nuh-uh. No way. Not a chance.
Tree: (singsong) You’re barking up the wrong tree. (Pistil Pete sighs and Pistil Patrick tries to comfort him. Suddenly, they hear a roar.)
Smidge: Help me! (The camera moves to reveal Smidge in a costume on the stage.) Help! Help! (A fake monster appears and roars at her. The audience gasps as DJ Suki plays dramatic music.) Oh! Whatever shall I do?!
Fake Monster: Pitiful Troll! I will eat you whole and floss with your hair! Mwahahaha! (We go inside the fake monster, revealing that Poppy is in it.)
Poppy: Uh, so being bad- super fun, right?! (A blue male Troll giggles. A light blue male Troll is with him. The fake monster hisses at Smidge.)
Pistil Patrick: That small woman is in trouble!
Pistil Pete: (gasps) Who will help her?
Smidge: Oh, who will save little old me, hm?
Guy Diamond: (Up on a tree) Fear not, y’all! Ha-ha! (He jumps off the tree, swings on his hair, and grabs Smidge. The audience cheers for him. A yellow male Troll spits popcorn in Keith’s face.)
Troll #1: Yeah!
Guy Diamond: Fear not, for we bring strength to the weak!
Biggie: Light to the dark!
Cooper: And sing!
Guy Diamond, Biggie, and Cooper: We the Trolls-Keteers! (They laugh heartly. Mr. Dinkles appears from Biggie’s hat.)
Mr. Dinkles: Meep. (The audience cheers again.)
Cooper: Your reign of terror is over, not-nice bug! (chuckles)
Guy Diamond: Execute the Glitterglitz! (Biggie picks him up and spins him.) Whoa! (He flies into Cooper and goes higher into the air.) Whoa! (He lands on the fake monster while farting glitter.) Ha! (The fake monster roars in fear. Guy Diamond gives Satin and Chenille a thumbs-up. Satin tries to push a pump, but Chenille stops her and pushes it. Blue glitter explodes around the fake monster as the audience cheers. They throw roses at Guy Diamond, Biggie, and Cooper.)
Pistil Pete: Brother, run home and tell the people… we found our heroes.
Guy Diamond: (As the Trolls cheer) Thank you! Thank you so much! (He closes the curtain and removes his hat.) Well, that was a disaster.
All: Huh?
Poppy: What do you mean, Guy?
Satin: Yeah, our show was majestic.
Smidge: Seriously, how can you say it was a disaster? The crowd gave us a five-minuet standing ovation. In fact, they’re still giving it. (She shows the audience still cheering.)
Keith: Wahooooo!
Guy Diamond: (Closing the curtain) Meaningless! Trolls will give a standing ovation for anything. Guys, the only way you can know if you’ve truly moved a Troll audience is when they cry tears of joy. (He opens the curtain again.) And do you see a single tear out there? (A purple male Troll appears next to him.)
Troll #1: Guy, we love you!
Smidge: Oh, come on, Guy. The play was great! Don’t you think you’re being a little too obsessive?
Guy Diamond: I think I’m just the right amount of obsessive. (sighs) Not that it matters. The show is over now. We’ve lost our chance forever. (He removes his costume as he walks away.)
Pistil Pete: (offscreen) Ooh! Uh, Mr. Trolls-Keteer! (He runs up to Guy Diamond.) Mr. Trolls-Keteer! A pleasure to meet you. I’m Pistil Pete.
Guy Diamond: Oh, a fan. (He takes out a marker and writes on Pistil Patrick’s wrist.) Thanks for watching. (He puts on sunglasses and walks away again. Pistil Patrick sees “Love & Toots Guy” written on his wrist.)
Pistil Pete: No, wait! When my brother and I saw you out there, we nearly wept!
Guy Diamond: Wept? As in, tears of joy?
Pistil Pete: Oh, yes. But you were so courageous, even though the crowd was no help at all.
Guy Diamond: At last, someone who gets it!
Pistil Pete: You and your friends must come to my village. It’s a matter of life and death.
Guy Diamond: A matter of life and death? Isn’t all great art? (He goes to tell his friends.) Good news, y’all! Our play has been… resurrected.
All: What?
Guy Diamond: A stranger from the far side of the forest invited us to come perform the show with this big-time star named… the Snermit.
All: Uh…
Cooper: That’s a wear name.
Guy Diamond: Pete said every time he comes to their village, he kills!
Smidge: Are you sure about this, Guy?
Guy Diamond: 100%. Although, Poppy, apparently the Snermit always plays the villain, so you and the Caterbeast have to stay behind.
Poppy: Well, the show must go on. Have fun!
Guy Diamond: You heard her. We’re taking the show on the… road! (Soon, he, DJ Suki, Smidge, Biggie, Cooper, Satin, and Chenille head to Pistil Pete’s village on a bug with many stuff. Pistil Pete is with them.)
Pistil Pete: OK, my home is just ahead. I cannot wait to introduce you to my people.
Guy Diamond: OK, gang, if we want our show to be a hit, we need to make a good first impression. The Sunflowers aren’t just gonna throw themselves at us. (The bug stops and the Trolls get off. More Sunflowers appear from the bushes.)
Pistil Patrick: Oh, our saviors have come! (The Sunflowers cheer and come out of the bushes.)
Sunflower #1: We’ve needed you for so long! (He kisses Cooper’s feet.)
Cooper: Kiss those at your own risk. (Some Sunflowers are tossing Biggie in the air.)
Biggie: Whoa! OK, they’re tossing me. Is this normal?
Satin: Why are they so happy to see us?
Sunflower #2: It’s been so long since we’ve had any hope.
Chenille: yeah, yeah, yeah. That’s designer. (More Sunflowers are hugging Smidge.)
Smidge: OK, this reaction is pretty over the top. Guy, I think there’s a misunderstanding here.
Guy Diamond: (As some Sunflowers toss him in the air) I agree. Our play is way more popular than I realized. We’re going to be a smash! Pete, take us to the stage.
Pistil Pete: The stage? What’s a stage?
Smidge: (As a Sunflower hugs her leg) See? They don’t even have a stage! (She kicks the Sunflower off her leg.)
Sunflower #3: I LOVE YOU!
Guy Diamond: So, experimental theatre, then. Fine. Take us to where the Snermit killed… last time he came. (He claps his hands and the Sunflowers carry him off.)
Smidge: (grumbles) I don’t like this. (The Trolls see an area of the forest that is burned and has fire.)
Pistil Patrick: Last time, it happened here. (groans) We had no warning. We tried to run, but the Snermit seemed to be everywhere. The screams! Oh, the screams! THE SCREAMS! (Smidge, Biggie, Cooper, DJ Suki, Satin, and Chenille clap their hands.)
Guy Diamond: Whoa! Such commitment! Sadly, auditions were weeks ago, and I can’t recast now. Quick tip- dial it back. It was a bit much. OK, time for rehearsal. Pete, bring the Snermit to set, right away.
Pistil Pete: (gasps) B-But the Snermit only comes when the Snermit wishes.
Guy Diamond: Oh, great. Looks like we’re working with a real diva here, gang. (He feels a rumble and the Snermit comes out of the bushes.
Pistil Pete and Pistil Patrick: THE SNERMIT! (They run away.) THAT’S THE SNERMIT! RUN! (The rest of the Sunflowers hide as the Snermit roars at the Trolls.)
Guy Diamond: (clears his throat) Mr. Snermit, I am Guy Diamond. And you, sir, have quite a presence. Listen, tonight, I want these sunflowers weeping. Nothing less. If you’re not ready to go there, we shouldn’t even bother. Agreed? (The Snermit grunts.) Glad we’re on the same page. OK, rehearsal’s up. Let’s jump right to the battle scene. At your one. (The Sunflowers peek out of the bushes.) For we bring strength to the weak!
Biggie: Light to the dark!
Cooper: Your reign of terror is over, not-nice bug! (laughs)
Pistil Pete: The one of four legs knows no fear. (Cooper, Guy Diamond, and Biggie laugh.)
Guy Diamond: Execute the Glitterglitz! (Biggie picks him up, spins him, throws him at Cooper, and he goes high up in the air. Then he lands on the Snermit while farting glitter.) Ha! (He gives a thumbs up to Satin and Chenille. Chenille pushes Satin aside and pushes the pump. Blue glitter explodes around the Snermit. The Sunflowers cheer for the Trolls.)
Pistil Pete: At last, my people are free. (Guy Diamond is happy to see that there are happy tears in Pistil Pete’s eyes.) You’re awesome! I’m so happy! I’m so happy and relieved!
Guy Diamond: A tear of joy! And this is only rehearsal! (The glitter clears and we see that the Snermit is still here. The Sunflowers scream in terror.) My tears! (gasps) Hey! This is no time to change the ending! Respect the script! (The Snermit punches him and his friends gasp.)
Smidge: Oh, my Guh. Oh, my Guh. Oh, my Guh! (The Snermit charges at Guy Diamond.) This is real! Guy, the Snermit, he’s no actor!
Guy Diamond: I’ll say! Totally unprofessional. (The Snermit roars, sending him and Smidge flying.) OK, it’s real. We need to get out of here… now.
Smidge: Yeah. Wait, Guy. What about the Sunflowers? Shouldn’t we talk about them for a second?
Guy Diamond: Sure, right after we… (He picks up Smidge and runs away.) … RUN! (He and his friends scream and run into the bushes.)
Pistil Pete: They left us? (The Snermit appears and cackles while getting ready to attack. The Trolls soon stop running and hear screaming from the Sunflowers.)
DJ Suki: This is horrible!
Guy Diamond: I know! It’s a nightmare! We’ll never get a chance at tears of joy now.
Smidge: That’s what’s bothering you?!
Guy Diamond: Of course. (Satin and Chenille close their eyes and fold their arms.) But your faces are telling me I am missing something?
Mr. Dinkles: Meep.
Guy Diamond: (gasps) Oh, no! The Sunflowers thought we were real heroes. They wanted us to protect them, but I didn’t see the obvious signs. Because I really am too obsessive about our show. Instead, we need to help the Sunflowers, right?
All: Uh-huh.
Mr. Dinkles: Meep, meep.
Guy Diamond: Yes, of course. But first, we need to get a note to Poppy. (He writes a note to Poppy and a Delivery Bug carries it. Meanwhile, the Sunflowers are enslaved by the Snermit. Some are bowing and bringing him their food. A Sunflower is seen in a cage. Pistil Pete brings him a plate of fruit. The Snermit tastes a fruit, spits it out, and throws the plate of fruit away. Pistil Pete screams as he gets ready to attack.) Fear not, y’all! We offer compassion to our enemies!
Biggie: Tolerance to all!
Cooper: And sing! (He takes out a kazoo and plays it. Then he, Biggie, and Guy Diamond sing the Trolls-Keteers theme.)
(All)
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh
(Biggie)
We got love for every being
From their heads down to- (The Snermit grabs him, Cooper, and Guy Diamond. Just before the Snermit eats them, he sees the fake monster in the grass and it roars. One of the Sunflowers faints.)
Guy Diamond: The Caterbeast! Cruelest of all monsters! We’re doomed! (The fake monster attacks a Sunflower along with Satin and Chenille. The Snermit gasps as the fake monster roars.)
Fake Monster: This is my territory! Go now and never return again! (The Snermit puts Guy Diamond, Biggie, and Cooper down.)
Snermit: Mwah! Mwah! (He walks backwards and runs away.) Bye!
Guy Diamond: And… scene. (Poppy removes the costume. A light blue male Troll and a blue male and female Troll are with her.)
All: Hello. (The Sunflowers smile and cheer for the Trolls.)
Guy Diamond: (With tears in his eyes) That will do, Guy Diamond. (He wipes a tear from his eye.)
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