History Repeats Itself/Script

Nice Peter: I'm Nice Peter!
EpicLLOYD: And I'm EpicLLOYD!
Nice Peter: And welcome-
EpicLLOYD: -to the most intense-
Nice Peter: -suspenseful-
EpicLLOYD: -dramatic-
Nice Peter: -thrilling-
EpicLLOYD: -episode yet!
Nice Peter: Last time, on Total Drama ERB, our contestants went on a race to find three different German war vehicles; a tank, an air bomber, and a nuclear submarine. In the end, after Eve's helicopter broke down, Napoleon won first place with Vader getting second, leaving Eve to be eliminated...but still stuck on the island because we'd run out of barrels, plus the final two was already ready to commence regardless.
EpicLLOYD: And now with the final two, we have reached a challenge of brains against brawns. Who will win?
Nice Peter: Will it be the leaderly geek, Napoleon Dynamite, who struggled almost every challenge after his reveal of sneaking onto to show as Master Chief and is making it through for the sake of the new love of his life, Miley Cyrus?
EpicLLOYD: Or will it be the mysterious Sith Lord, Darth Vader, who relied on the help of his right-hand man, Adolf Hitler, as a back-support until he was kicked off halfway through and had to dominate the rest of the game on his own?
Nice Peter: Find out right here, right now, on the final episode of TOTAL!
EpicLLOYD: DRAMA!
Nice Peter and EpicLLOYD: ERB!
*An awkward pause ensues.*
EpicLLOYD: ...don't we have a theme song we should be cutting to?
Hulk Hogan: I can hum one if you want.
Nice Peter: We didn't have enough money in the budget for a theme song.
EpicLLOYD: What? Seriously? Of all the things we didn't get, we didn't get the most important thing; the INTRO? And I was left in the dark about this all season? 
Nice Peter: Whatever. Anyways, uhh...we asked our finalists to record their thoughts in the confessionals. Aaannnd...transition!
(Confessional) Napoleon Dynamite: My time here? Ehh...I've had more fun dealing with my Uncle. Rude contestants, incompetent hosts, over-bearing challenges...
(Confessional) Darth Vader: I've been through worse. I've begun an entire war before. Getting through a few simple challenges was nothing. 
(Confessional) Napoleon Dynamite: The people? Oh, geez... Most of the people were terrible, assholish, greedy, manipulative, lying, cheating, backstabbing, drug-abusing, bipolar, narcissistic, constantly fighting douchebags. I definitely don't see myself coming back to this. ...although, I will say I had the pleasure of meeting a few good-hearted people.
(Confessional) Darth Vader: The people here... Ehh... Managing pop stars, nerds, social outcasts, weak artists, assholes? Easy. I'm a Sith Lord, dark and cruel. Plus, I got the back up of Hitler, Cleopatra, and Al Capone. They were cool.
(Confessional) Napoleon Dynamite: What do I wish to be remembered for? Hmmm... My great personality.
(Confessional) Darth Vader: What do I want to be remembered for? The fact that I'm a fucking badass, duh. Are we done yet? Yes? Good. Let's get this over with already.
*The scene cuts to Napoleon Dynamite and Eve in the mess hall, being served bowls of cereal.*
Eve: Wow, gee, cereal. I thought this was the final two.
Napoleon Dynamite: Hey, at least it's better than half the slob they've been feeding us for the past several weeks.
Gandhi: Ungrateful!
Napoleon Dynamite: Maybe if you actually fed us something that we could be grateful about...
Gandhi: Go eat! Shoo!
*The two sit down at one of the tables, quickly eating away at their breakfast.*
Napoleon Dynamite: At least some milk would've been nice. All I've been able to bring back for Tina II to drink was water.
Eve: Tina II?
Napoleon Dynamite: You know, from the tower challenge.
Eve: Oh, yeah.
(Confessional) Eve: I can't believe he still has that thing... Would've expected it to be dead by now. ...Not that I doubt Napoleon's ability to take care of a pet, I mean. I'm sure he's got plenty of experience, but...it's a millipede...a giant millipede.
(Confessional) Napoleon Dynamite: I should really take Tina II out on walks more. I don't think she's getting enough exercise... Oh! Maybe I could bring her with me for the challenge, hmmm...
Napoleon Dynamite: Anyways, sorry about, you know...you not making it.
Eve: Eh, it's fine. I made it to the final three. That definitely counts for something.
Napoleon Dynamite: True. Weren't you supposed to be helping pull the eliminated contestants out of the water?
Eve: We already finished. It wasn't too hard. The worst part was finding Bob Ross, since his barrel was taken off in a boat, but we got it back rather fast.
Napoleon Dynamite: Really? Where did it end up?
Eve:...you...don't wanna know. Trust me.
Napoleon Dynamite: But-
Eve: Trust. Me.
Napoleon Dynamite: Oookay...
Eve: But tell me about you! How does it feel to be in the final two! I'm certain NO ONE would've expected YOU to make it here.
Napoleon Dynamite: I dunno, I mean... I guess it just hasn't really sunk in yet. Don't feel much different. I'm sure everything will fall into place eventually.
Eve: So...miss Poe yet?
Napoleon Dynamite: You really need to ask? Every time I get close to someone, they get eliminated. Because of Bieber, too. At least he's gone. And I'm guessing that there's going to be something involving all the contestants for the finale, so it'll be wonderful to see Poe again.
Eve: Yeah. And...Adam will be returning.
Napoleon Dynamite: You two need to patch things back up as soon as soon as he gets back. I'm certain he misses you, and I can tell you miss him.
Eve: I don't miss him. He betrayed me and everything we had.
Napoleon Dynamite: He was being tricked by Cleopatra. She was manipulating him. You two are meant for each other, really. At least promise me that you'll try to forgive him. I'm certain he misses you and regrets everything.
Eve: That asshole better.
Napoleon Dynamite: Eve...
Eve: ...fine, fine. I'll...try.
*The doors swing open and Thomas Edison rushes in.*
Thomas Edison: E-Eve! Dynamite!
Napoleon Dynamite: Uhh, hey, Mr. Edison.
Thomas Edison: I need your help, fast.
Eve: What's wrong?
Thomas Edison: I-It's Goku... He's...he's escaped.
Eve: ...He’s...escaped...?
Thomas Edison: W-we had him...locked up...and were doing tests on him... Meanwhile, we had him replaced with a clone, and-
Napoleon Dynamite: Whoa, wait, what do you mean a clone?
Thomas Edison: Well...the Goku you've known since after the life-threatening building challenge, we...had him cloned.
Eve: Is that entire story even legal?
Thomas Edison: We had a permit for it. Maybe. Anyways, that's not important. What IS important, is that we search for him and-
Nice Peter (via intercom): Napoleon Dynamite!
EpicLLOYD (via intercom): Darth Vader!
Nice Peter (via intercom): It-
EpicLLOYD (via intercom): -is-
Nice Peter and EpicLLOYD (via intercom): -TIME!
Thomas Edison: Ugh, I guess you're going to be useless, then. Eve, come on.
Eve: Ugh, I have to help find the biggest asshole on this island, even bigger than Justin Bieber? Fine...
Thomas Edison: Perfect!
*The scene cuts to the island forest. Clone Goku is happily skipping along through the forest.*
Clone Goku: Hmm... I should come up with a new dance sometime soon... Hmm... the Dougie Ball? Oooh... Maybe I could make a song out of the Kaka trot... Oh! Maybe I-
Goku: WHERE IS THIS PUNK ASS BITCH WHO DECIDED TO SHOW UP IN MY TERRITORY?!                  
*Suddenly, Clone Goku is tackled to the ground, the two rolling around before Clone Goku tosses the figure behind him into a tree.*
Clone Goku: Hi, friend!
Goku: Dammit... Don't you dare fucking do that again!
Clone Goku: Gasp! I have a twin!!                                                
Goku: No! You're my clone! You've been stealing my identity, taking my job, and probably getting my pay! Now YOU'RE going to pay!
*The scene cuts to a grassy field...that just so happens to have two podiums with massive portals behind them.*
Napoleon Dynamite: Holy crud...                                                   
Darth Vader: This looks like it's going to make for one interesting finale.
Nice Peter: Welcome, contestants, to the last episode of TOTAL! DRAMA! ERB!!!
EpicLLOYD: You two have made it so far! And to watch your victory, we have brought in every contestant eliminated up until this point watching from the peanut gallery!
Nice Peter: ...well...everyone except for Hitler. But Capone did manage to return from the hospital, thankfully!
Al Capone: It's good to be back. At least that Bieber asshole didn't win.
Justin Bieber: Shove it, Fat Al.
Blackbeard: Wheeee!
Nice Peter: ...and we hooked up Blackbeard in his barrel up to a wire so that it keeps spinning him in the air.
Blackbeard: You guys gotta try this!
EpicLLOYD: No thanks.
Zach Sherwin: ANYWAYS, let's get on with it already. The king needs his rest.
George Watsky: The royal assness also needs a punch to the jaw. Anyways. Napoleon Dynamite, Darth Vader, step up to the podiums.
Nice Peter: What're you two doing here?
George Watsky: It's the finale. Like hell we're gonna miss this.
EpicLLOYD: It's the finale, meaning we host, not you. Shoo.
Dante Cimadamore: History is getting rewritten and I have re-
Nice Peter: Dynamite. Vader. To the podiums now. You. Go. Shoo.
*The two shrug and make their ways to their respective podiums.*
EpicLLOYD: Your goal here in this challenge is to fight!
Nice Peter: You will summon armies from the portals behind you, who will then duke it out in an all-out war!
(Confessional) Darth Vader: ...you can't see it right now, but I'm smiling so wide under this helmet that I couldn't smile any wider if I tried.
Napoleon Dynamite: Uhh, isn't that, like...dangerous, Peter?
Nice Peter: How is dangerous?
Napoleon Dynamite: Well...you want to start a war right here on this island.
Nice Peter: It's not a real war. Besides, do anything funny, and you're automatically disqualified.
(Confessional) Napoleon Dynamite: Disqualified with an army at your side. But whatever.
Napoleon Dynamite: Hmm...I know who I should summon!
EpicLLOYD: As well, you each get to choose two contestants that'll aid you in this battle.
Napoleon Dynamite: MILEY! ...and Poe. Miley Cyrus and Edgar Allan Poe. Those are the two I pick.
Nice Peter: That was frighteningly fast. You're a creep. And you, Darth Vader.
Darth Vader: Al Capone and Cleopatra, of course. Not Justin Bieber. He can go suck it.
Justin Bieber: Well, fuck you, too.
*The four ex-contestants make their ways to their respective sides, the scene then cuts to Napoleon’s podium*
Miley Cyrus: It's...really good to see you again, Napoleon.
*Napoleon Dynamite pulls Miley into a tight hug.*
Napoleon Dynamite: I've missed you. A lot.
Edgar Allan Poe: You are forgetting a certain Poe. Did you miss me? I do not know.
Napoleon Dynamite: Oh, come on, Poe. Of course I missed you. You're like my Pedro!
Cleopatra: Yay! It's really good to be a team again, you guys.
*The scene cuts to Vader’s podium*
Al Capone: You said it. I thought I'd miss your victory, Vader. Thankfully, they removed the poison before it completely spread. Still feel somewhat shaky, but nothing will deter me from helping you succeed. ...and maybe, ah, sharing some of that sweet cash with me, eh?
Darth Vader: Work close by me, and I promise that you will get all that you desire.
Cleopatra: Hey, sounds good to me. If it assures me money, I'm not complaining.
*The scene cuts to Goku and Clone Goku, duking it out in the woods*
Goku: KAMEHAMEHA!
*Goku tries blasting Clone Goku, who simply jumps over him as he blasts down half of the forest*
Goku: STAND STILL, YOU BITCH!
Clone Goku: Sir, you’re not very nice!
Goku: Says the guy stealing my identity and ruining my name!
Clone Goku: I don’t know your name. My name’s Carrot, what’s yours?
Goku: I am the real Goku, you pompous, oblivious fuck! Now hold still, you worm!
Clone Goku: I’m a wasp, stupid! See?
*Clone Goku Kamehamehas Goku while making buzzing noises*
Goku: What the FUCK?!
Clone Goku: Buzz buzz!
Goku: I am going to CRUSH YOU!
*Goku Kamehamehas Clone Goku once again, hitting in the stomach, but he stands still, unscathed*
Goku: What the fuck? You should’ve DIED!
Clone Goku: Wasps don’t sting each other, dummy!
Goku: You’re not a wasp, you ignorant FUCK!
Clone Goku: Buzz. Buzz buzz. Buzz buzz. Buzz!
Goku: What the hell was that?
Clone Goku: I just dissed you in our native language!
Goku: What the fuck?
Clone Goku: I bet you’re gonna cry now!
Mikhail Gorbachev: OH YEAH!
Goku: Who the hell is that?
Clone Goku: If you’re a wasp, then I know why you’re here!
Goku: Yeah! To kick your sorry a-
Clone Goku: Dance battle!
Goku: Not even!
Clone Goku: Are you ready?
*The forest suddenly gets darker as a spot light focuses on Clone Goku, who is suddenly wearing a suit and wearing a fake mustache*
Goku: Seriously, are you high? What the FUCK are you doing?!
Clone Goku: Mi amigo, soy es dance battle.
Goku: Wait, what? Are you trying to be an idiot?
Clone Goku: I, master of dance, Kaka Karrot Kake, challenge you to a duel-a duel of the movement of the feet.
Goku: Only movement of the feet here will be my foot into your ass!
Clone Goku: You burro, I will now school you in the art of cha-cha-cha! Ole!
Goku: Don’t speak to me in French, you dick! Come and fight me like a man!
Clone Goku: Do the dance with me. Or you shall face the wrath of El Waspo!
Goku: El Stupid more like it.
Clone Goku: I will only fight…if you dance.
Goku: Fine…
Goku: So, I have to beat you by doing every move you do?
Clone Goku: Si.
Goku: Seriously, quit the French shit.
Clone Goku: Next move…the friendly woman astronaut!
Goku: Do I wanna know what that is?
*Clone Goku begins to do the Moonwalk, and Goku half-assedly copies*
Goku: Will you do something I know?
Clone Goku: Oooh! The finger dance!
Goku: That sounds so dirty…
Clone Goku: Okay, just follow me! First, we gotta stand on our toes!
*Clone Goku begins to do the Fusion Dance, while Goku unknowingly copies him*
Goku: Okay, now what?
Clone Goku: Now, we lean towards each other sideways! Then, we point at each other, then tip toe, then touch fingers!
*Goku does so, and the fusion begins before Goku realizes what’s going on*
Goku: Wait…NO! NO! NO!
Clone Goku: It’s too late! I’m going to win the dance like I did in ’43!
Goku: OH GOD…NO!
*Goku and Clone Goku fuses, causing a giant blast, and merging into one pseudo-Goku*
Goku: I feel stupider…but…what is this feeling?
Neil deGrasse Tyson: It is the feeling of happiness, and kindness.
Goku: When did you get here?
*The scene transitions to Peter and Lloyd watching the final 2 set up*
Nice Peter: Where’s Tyson?
EpicLLOYD: Why would I know?
Nice Peter: Eh, fuck it. Want some beer?
Hulk Hogan: ALL OUT, BROTHER!
*The scene transitions back to Tyson and Goku*
Neil deGrasse Tyson: Now come watch the final challenge. I have a feeling we’ll need you.
*The scene cuts back to the final two preparing*
Nice Peter: As you both can see on your podiums by all the pretty lights and switches, you will manage that to decide where in time and space you will be pulling your armies from.
Napoleon Dynamite: How did you get this sort of technology?
EpicLLOYD: It was recommended to us by 11 out of 13 Doctors.
Cleopatra: What happened to the other two?
Nice Peter: One experienced the travesty of war, the other was a hand.
Doctor Who (4th): Excuse me, you creeps, I do not have to put up with this bashing.
Miley Cyrus: Is this a reference to that series with the time-traveling phone booth?
Doctor Who (4th): Nice to see a fan here.
Edgar Allan Poe: Praise the lord, for we have won! She has, at last, had a reference properly done!
Miley Cyrus: ...Bill and Ted, was it?
Doctor Who (4th): Oh, so close…
Edgar Allan Poe: ...I will now be quiet, for I am a loon. I must learn to not jump to conclusions so soon.
Nice Peter: Anyways, enough weirdness aside, peanut gallery, please take your sides on who you vote to win by sitting in the bleachers provided.
*Everyone except for Blackbeard, Adam, and Eve side with Darth Vader.*
Napoleon Dynamite: ...really? Only three of you have any faith in me?
Sarah Palin: He's Darth Vader, you're Napoleon Dynamite. Do the math.
Marilyn Monroe: I DO love a man in uniform, you know.
William Wallace: He has actual experience! Yer just a perm-lovin', glasses-wearin' nerd, lassie!
Leonidas: As much as I hate this wanna-be war hero, he's right. You're...pathetic, at best.
Mr. T: He's big, yer scrawny. Do the math.
Sarah Palin: I just said that!
Muhammad Ali: I sided with Vader first!
Michael Jordan: Hah! You wish! You were too slow! I was already sitting down by the time you even decided!
William Wallace: Can it, ya fools, before I put ya in one!
Justin Bieber: I hate Vader, but I hate you way more.
Blackbeard: Yar, I was brought over here by Eve. I'm just enjoyin' spinnin' around, I am. But good luck, landlubber! Ye be needin' it.
Adam: I'm kind of only here because Eve ma- *Eve elbows him* Ow! Sorry. I mean, good luck, Napoleon!!
Napoleon Dynamite: Gosh... That's really depressing.
Miley Cyrus: Don't worry, Napoleon. I have absolute faith in you.
Napoleon Dynamite: ...right. I still have to try. That's what matters; trying. If I don't try, then there's no point, right? All of this would have been for nothing. So, as long as I try-
Nice Peter: Could you try to shut up and start already? You have three minutes to decide and prepare your army!
Napoleon Dynamite: Right. Hmm...ah! I know. I'll go with the Spartan-II Supersoldiers from Halo, in tribute to disguising myself as Master Chief! I'm guessing Darth Vader here is going to go with the Stormtroopers and the Empire, anyways.
Miley Cyrus: Like from World War Z!
Adam: That's...not even close.
Eve: I think she was thinking of the Stormtroopers from World War II, which the Star Wars variant was named after. ...but then again, I get so confused when she even opens her mouth...
Darth Vader: Heh…
Nice Peter: One more minute to prepare your army!
Darth Vader: Napoleon, you think you’re gonna win this, do you?
Nice Peter:…and, GO!
*Both contestants enter their teams, as each person’s army protrudes from their respective portals*
Napoleon Dynamite: Yeah, I think I will. I may be weak, but I try, and if that isn’t enough, then I don’t know what is.
*Vader raises his arms up to his helmet as swarms of Nazi helicopters, tanks and Stormtroopers protrude from behind him on either side of his giant podium*
Adam: Nazis? Odd choice…
Darth Vader: You just don’t understand…this isn’t going to go in your favor, Napoleon.
Napoleon Dynamite: Don’t call it just yet!
Miley Cyrus: Vader’s one to talk about trying.
Edgar Allan Poe: Swarms of helicopters…wait….swarms. Swarms…swarms and STORMS? Oh God…is this what I was warned?
Napoleon Dynamite: Wait, what?
Darth Vader: Trying, you say, Miley? Well, what is the team I’m up against? A nerd, an emo, and the nerd’s try hard girlfriend. Just pathetic…you want to try and stop me?
Cleopatra: People would still believe in him if he still had that suit of his. Too bad he lost it.
Al Capone: This is just too predictable…whaddya say I get the beer already?
Darth Vader: Napoleon, Napoleon, Napoleon. You were so good…it’s a shame you wasted the only quality about you when you took off the suit. If there’s one thing to learn about revealing yourself in these shows…
*More Nazi helicopters fly out into the sky, more tanks enter on the ground, and storm troopers begin to grab the contestants and hold them hostage, as Darth Vader removes his helmet, revealing himself to be…*
Adolf Hitler:…it’s that you never do it too early.
Al Capone: Woah…what?
EpicLLOYD: But…Hitler was gone, and he…wait. The clone machine! Dammit!
Doc Brown: GREAT SCOTT! He used it!
Napoleon Dynamite: This can’t be…
Nice Peter: EAT DICKS, HITLER!
Edgar Allan Poe: Wait! Hat! Oh god…holy crap! Sig Hiel…hands…raise…NO! It can’t be! Oh GOD! This shouldn’t be so! I was wrong all along, now Napoleon’s life is gone!
Adolf Hitler: This whole game, is just my stepping stone into revenge. Revenge for what, you ask? Revenge for underestimating me.
Justin Bieber (from the ground): HEY! I said that!
Adolf Hitler: I’d personally like to thank my friends Capone and Cleo here, for helping me get this far.
Al Capone: Don’t think I’m with this like I used to be.
Cleopatra: Capone…I’m scared.
Adolf Hitler: I’d also like to thank Bieber for stealing my spotlight, and posing as the biggest threat. Really saved my ass.
Justin Bieber: Put a sock in it!
Adolf Hitler: I’d also like to thank Peter and Lloyd, for welcoming me onto this and allowing me to get closer to my plan of revenge.
EpicLLOYD: We aren’t helping you with ANYTHING!
Adolf Hitler: Oh, but you did. I’d also like to thank Napoleon, for all of his eagerness, and his example of failure in every sense.
Miley Cyrus: Don’t make fun of Napoleon! He’s perfect just the wa-
Adolf Hitler: I have no time for you. Grab her.
*A couple of Hitler’s Nazis grab Miley and pull her away with the others*
Napoleon Dynamite: Hey! Let her go!
Edgar Allan Poe: It’s no use, they’ve got us outnumbered…I’ll personally enjoy my eternal slumber.
Napoleon Dynamite: Don’t give up!
Edgar Allan Poe: I’m afraid we are trapped, just weak pebbles in his riverside path. Disposable freaks who no one wants to last.
Napoleon Dynamite: Come on, Poe, don’t give up!
Adolf Hitler: It’s too late, Dynamite. Your chances are lower than how low you’d have to sink to get to whatever you are. It’s been nice knowing you, but…wait, it hasn’t.
Neil deGrasse Tyson: Not so fast.
Adolf Hitler: Excuse me?
*The camera pans to Tyson, who is floating in front of an army of Halo Spartan-II Supersoldiers, along with Goku, Leonidas, Joan of Arc, Yet to Come, Hulk Hogan, Macho Man, the Sarcosuchus, Junior, and Robo-Rogers*
Robo-Rogers: And to think I saved your ass.
Hulk Hogan: YOU’RE GOING DOWN, BROTHER!
Adolf Hitler: Oh look, the nerd brought his friends along.
Neil deGrasse Tyson: On your command, Napoleon.
Goku: I can’t wait to kick some motherfucking ass right now…
Napoleon Dynamite: I’m ready. Poe, you in?
Edgar Allan Poe: I’m in for this last stand, no matter if I die! I’ll at least know I have a friend on my side.
Yet to Come: I shall join you two, if it is not a bother. I would rather deal away from the slaughter.
Leonidas: What’re we waiting for?
Al Capone: This is gonna end so badly…
*Cleopatra grabs onto Capone, much like a scared child*
Al Capone: What, the little princess can’t take war?
Adolf Hitler: Oh come on…he isn’t gonna do anything.
*Napoleon raises his fist into the air and yells out loud, much like a general going into war*
Napoleon Dynamite: CHARGE!
*Napoleon, Poe, and Yet to Come climb Hitler’s podium, while Tyson, Robo-Rogers, Junior, Goku, the Halo Supersoldier army, Joan, and Leonidas all charge at the Nazis*
Adolf Hitler: This is going to be good.
Cleopatra: I don’t like this that much, actually…
*The scene transitions to inside the room, getting out of the Darth Vader suit and straightening out his own suit*
Al Capone: So, this whole revenge thing…what’s your plan?
Adolf Hitler: I’m going to finish off this shitty island, then make my way to the U.S.
Al Capone: Anywhere else? Cause, you know, the whole world…
Adolf Hitler: Britain, and Russia, of course. But U.S. seems to be the closest.
Al Capone: Where exactly are the hostages?
*The scene transitions to the old house, now being turned into a prison, where Miley is thrown into a “cell” (Bieber’s room) with Mr. T and William Wallace*
Mr. T: Can I at least be with Gaga?
William Wallace: Quit yer blabberin’, momma boy!
Miley Cyrus: Of course you two aren’t concerned about the fact that we’re being held hostage in a new world war?
Mr. T: Of course I do! But I wanna be with Gaga!
William Wallace: What if she doesn’t wanna be with yer sorry ass, laddy?
Miley Cyrus: Can we at least figure out how we’re gonna escape?
Mr. T: Escape? I can’t do that! The Nazis will kill us!
Miley Cyrus: Not if they don’t see.
William Wallace: I don’t mean tuh alarm ya, but what’s up with the sky?
*Miley and T look up at the sky with Wallace, noticing a bunch of big, white, blurry shapes appearing everywhere as it glows a dark shade of purple*
Miley Cyrus: Tyson…
*The scene transitions to Tyson floating in midair, activating his powers, while Goku destroys copter and tank after copter and tank*
Goku: These things just won’t stop! When are you gonna be ready?
Neil deGrasse Tyson: Hold your hammer pants, Goku. I’m not done.
Goku: Well I can see that.
Leonidas: These things will not stop!
Joan of Arc: What do we do if we lose soldiers?
Neil deGrasse Tyson: We move on.
Joan of Arc: Well, these Nazis don’t seem to end…
Leonidas: AHA!
Joan of Arc: What?
Leonidas: We have to disable the portal!
Joan of Arc: Why?
Leonidas: It’s not just sending them…it’s cloning them.
Neil deGrasse Tyson: Correct.
Leonidas: Well, I’m going to go in and disable the thing. Joan…
*Leonidas extends his hand to Joan, and holds it*
Leonidas: Want to come with?
Joan of Arc: Oh yes, Leo.
Goku: Have fun dying, dudes.
*The scene transitions to Dynamite, Poe and Yet to Come standing outside the room on top of Hitler’s stand, discussing their plan*
Yet to Come: I have a plan, but it might get risky fast. It will help in the end, if we can somehow last.
Napoleon Dynamite: What is it?
Yet to Come: I must combine with Poe, for we are one. Just alternate time lines, but it can be done.
Edgar Allan Poe: Uh…huh?
Napoleon Dynamite: We just need something to do!
Yet to Come: This may be moot, but I brought your suit.
*Yet to Come tosses Napoleon the Master Chief suit*
Napoleon Dynamite: Aw, sweet. This should buy you some time.
*Napoleon changes into the suit, then kicks down the door of the room*
Napoleon Dynamite: Alright, Hitler, prepare to meet your doom.
Adolf Hitler:*Hitler begins to laugh* Capone, get him.
Al Capone: Can do.
*Capone charges at Napoleon, ramming him into the wall. Napoleon knees him in the gut, then kicks him square in the face to the ground*
Al Capone: Oh no you don’t, bastard.
*Capone charges at Napoleon, who dodges and trips him, then slams him into the wall sideways, much to the shock of Cleopatra, and all while Hitler just watches amused*
Al Capone: Put me down, you freak!
Napoleon Dynamite: Make me!
*Napoleon punches Al in the face, causing his nose to bleed, then throws him up against the corner wall. Napoleon then grabs Hitler by his shirt, and prepares to punch him, but Hitler just laughs*
Adolf Hitler: Napoleon. It is the man in the suit, not the suit itself that is strong. So why don’t we take it off?
*Hitler yanks the helmet off of Napoleon, then bashes him upside the head with it, and rams it into his face, breaking his glasses and causing his nose to bleed*
Napoleon Dynamite: Don’t make me punch y-
*Cleopatra pulls back Dynamite, then rams him into the wall*
Cleopatra: This is for hurting Capone!
Napoleon Dynamite: I can’t hit a girl!
Cleopatra: Then think…before you do!
*Cleopatra pushes Dynamite out the doorway, then rushes to Capone and cries next to him*
Napoleon Dynamite: For fuck’s sake, I can barely see now. I hope Miley’s okay…
*The scene goes back to Miley, Wallace and T stuck in their room*
William Wallace: This whole show was a load of shite from the start!
Mr. T: This isn’t how I expected this to go at all.
*The scene cuts to Napoleon getting up, only for Hitler to stomp his back*
Napoleon Dynamite: Are you ready, Poe? Yet to Come?
Adolf Hitler: Oh, you mean these people?
*Hitler walks over to Yet to Come, who is holding a floating Poe up in the air whilst dark matter flows into him. Napoleon takes this chance to jump onto Hitler, who dodges as he hits the ground behind him*
Adolf Hitler: Nice try, freak. But your friend here has lasted more than his welcome…
*Hitler pushes Yet to Come and Poe over the edge, and Napoleon watches in disbelief*
Napoleon Dynamite: You cruel bastard!
*Napoleon stands up again, only for Hitler to shove-kick him down onto his back, then stomp a foot onto his stomach*
Adolf Hitler: Any last words?
Edgar Allan Poe: As for final dialect, I have a few. And the audacity to mutter them to you. My final words are simply what I must ask; get your foot off my friend, or I’ll kick your ass!
Adolf Hitler: I thought I pushed you.
*Hitler turns around to see Poe surrounded in dark matter, hanging to the ledge*
Edgar Allan Poe: When push comes to shove, one thing I have learned is you must always wait your turn!
*Poe pounds his hand on the ledge, causing a crack to begin forming, and opening wide and far enough so Hitler gets his leg caught, as the building slowly catches on fire and Cleopatra runs out screaming with Capone*
Adolf Hitler: Like I said, you’re overstaying your welcome, Poe.
Edgar Allan Poe: The only one who is pushing their time is the guy in the Nazi propaganda and the suit and tie. You have no clue what you’re approaching, and I have no need for boasting, but I have full control of when you die.
Adolf Hitler: Sure you do…Cleo, get him.
Cleopatra: I’m not putting Capone down if my life depended on it!
Adolf Hitler: Do I have to do this myself?
Oh wait….
I have helicopters for this.
*Hitler calls some helicopters in to shoot Poe, with 30 circling above them*
Adolf Hitler: Helicopters, show Napoleon what happens when you step to me, using his emo friend over there.
*Edgar Allan Poe stares down Hitler, only to be hid behind the smoke and fire of over 10,000 bullets while Napoleon watches in disbelief as his only friend left is shot at mercilessly*
Adolf Hitler: Enough. Fly the helicopters back to war.
*The helicopters don’t budge, as the sky around them begins to turn a dark, burnt-orange shade. Suddenly, they all fall down, perfectly sliced in two, as Poe stands in the same location, holding a scythe in his hand*
Edgar Allan Poe: I am not simply a piece in your plan like you expect. I am fully capable of a full scale resurrect.
Adolf Hitler: Pathetic…
*Hitler walks over to Poe again, only for Poe to spin the scythe in a rapid, circular motion. As Hitler approaches, he slams the end of the Scythe’s staff onto the ground, and a 30-foot tall skeleton appears behind him*
Edgar Allan Poe: Napoleon, now. Attack while you can. I have him distracted by the beast of an old land.
*Napoleon tackles Hitler, pins him to the ground*
Adolf Hitler: Quit being so…predictable…Napoleon.
Napoleon Dynamite: I am not letting you win this…
*The scene cuts to Joan and Leonidas, who are charging through soldiers to the portal*
Joan of Arc: How exactly will we close the damn thing?
Leonidas: I have no idea.
Joan of Arc: Well, there are tanks everywhere…we’re screwed.
*Robo-Rogers appears with them, and begins to throw the tanks at other tanks*
Robo-Rogers: Hello, neighbors.
Leonidas: Do you know how we shall shut this down?
Robo-Rogers: We must blow it up.
Leonidas: How shall we do this?
Robo-Rogers: The tanks.
Joan of Arc: You mean the things you keep destroying?
Robo-Rogers: Shit.
*The scene cuts to Miley, Wallace and Mr. T*
Miley Cyrus: So...when's that plan of action kicking in?
William Wallace: Excuse me?
Miley Cyrus: You know, the plan that'll get us the hell out of here.
William Wallace: I don't have a plan, lasse.
Miley Cyrus: What do you mean?
William Wallace: I mean I don't have a plan! You can't just expect me to come up with something out of nowhere.
Miley Cyrus: You're William Wallace! You led a revolution! I remember watching your movie, Lionheart, and you had all sorts of plans!
William Wallace: ...my...my movie was called- ...nevermind. And my revolution failed. I was killed. Hanged, drawn, quartered. All that good stuff.
Miley Cyrus: Yes, but we're up against Nazis and shit now! They DID lose! And they can lose a second time if you'd help lead us out of here!
William Wallace: Look, we're not going to get out of here so easily. It's not like they're just gonna open the door for us.
*The door opens as a Nazi soldier pushes Kanye West in.*
Kanye West: Hey! Don't you be touchin' all this perfection!
Miley Cyrus: NOW!
William Wallace: *suddenly swiftly delivers a kick to the soldier's crotch, sending him curling to the floor* Holy shite! I can't believe that worked!
Mr. T: Well, don't just stand there, fool! We gotta get goin'!
*The three hurry out of the room, slamming it shut with both the knocked-out guard and Kanye West still trapped inside.*
Kanye West: Hey! HEY! You forgot about me!! Let me out of here!! *slams on the door before curling up in a ball* ...mama...
*The scene cuts to the main battle with Tyson, Goku, Macho Man, Hogan and the group of Supersoldiers*
Goku: Shouldn’t you be ready by now?
Neil deGrasse Tyson: Just about.
*The sky around the island turns fully purple, with the familiar stars and planets surrounding it*
Neil deGrasse Tyson: Let’s go.
*Tyson sends a ton of meteors into the helicopters and tanks, blowing them up*
Hulk Hogan: We’ve got more coming!
Neil deGrasse Tyson: I’ll go help disable the portal.
Macho Man: Shouldn’t we all?
*The scene cuts to Napoleon on top of Hitler once more, pinning him down*
Adolf Hitler: Get off me, freak.
Napoleon Dynamite: Not until you give up!
Al Capone: Hey…put me down, Cleo.
Cleopatra: Sorry…
*Cleopatra drops Capone, who then yanks Dynamite off of Hitler*
Napoleon Dynamite: Get your hands off me.
Al Capone: My pleasure.
*Capone throws Dynamite off the podium, and he lands right in front of the path of a tank, and struggles to get up due to the fall*
Napoleon Dynamite: Son of a bitch.
*Right as the tank is about to run over Napoleon, Goku flies in, lifts it up, and chucks it at a helicopter, blowing it up*
Goku: I am a genie, am I right?
Napoleon Dynamite: Wait…that gives me an idea! Goku, I have a plan, but it could end our lives if not carried out well. I need you to distract Hitler and his crew while I get Poe and Tyson to help me. Okay?
Goku: Alright. But if this doesn’t work…eh, dragon balls, ya know?
Napoleon Dynamite: Just trust me on this. Wanna hear the plan?
Goku: Just to see how pathetically I’m dying, why not.
*The scene transitions back to Miley, Mr. T and Wallace*
William Wallace: A little help wouldn't be too much to ask, would it, lass?
Mr. T: She can't fight! You shouldn't be lettin' women fight, punk! Respect her!
William Wallace: Whatever. If she's not fighting, she's useless.
Miley Cyrus: I-I am not!
William Wallace: Well, if you aren't fighting... Just stay where you are and look pretty. ...err, as pretty as ye can, at least.
Miley Cyrus: Hmph... Oh! I know! *runs off*
William Wallace: Well, there she goes. *promptly stabs a guard through the chest* Ye can't best me, laddy!
Mr. T: *uppercuts a guard in the jaw and sends him flying back* Hah!
Miley Cyrus: I CAME IN LIKE A-
*A wrecking ball swings through the wall with Miley Cyrus riding it, most of the guards being slammed into another wall and breaking it down. The wrecking ball swings back into Miley Cyrus's room as she hops off and hurries out the hole she made.*
Miley Cyrus: Well, come on already! Don't just stand there! Napoleon Dynamite needs our help!
William Wallace: Uhh...wow. I did...not see that coming. 
Mr. T: Man! Napoleon Dynamite is one lucky dude to have her!
William Wallace: ...meh, I've still better women in bed than her.
Mr. T: Don't think about women like that!
William Wallace: Have ye ever had an impure thought before?
Mr. T: *shrugs and grins awkwardly*
William Wallace: Nevermind... Let's go! FREEDOOOOOM!!
*The scene cuts to Goku flying up to Hitler’s stage, and signaling Poe to go to Dynamite before distracting Hitler*
Goku: Hey, losers.
Al Capone: Says the guy who got 20th.
Goku: I have something I wanna show you.
Adolf Hitler: If it’s you dying, I’d love to see it. If not, fuck off.
*The camera cuts to Dynamite, signaling for Poe and Tyson to follow him*
Neil deGrasse Tyson: I wonder if Leonidas and Joan got any progress.
Napoleon Dynamite: Let’s hope the portal is intact…
*The three walk over to the portal, where Robo-Rogers is guarding both of them while shooting down tanks and helicopters*
Robo-Rogers: This is getting nowhere, neighbors.
Napoleon Dynamite: Don’t worry, we got this.
Leonidas: You better…
Neil deGrasse Tyson: Junior!
*Tyson’s robot, Junior, walks over to him, then awaits a command*
Neil deGrasse Tyson: Help master destroy the portal, please.
*Junior nods happily as it begins to grab the edge of the portal*
Napoleon Dynamite: You guys help him, I’ll signal to Goku somehow!
*The scene cuts to Goku on the stage once more*
Goku: Cha cha cha…cha cha cha….cha cha cha…
Adolf Hitler: No, seriously. You look pathetic.
Napoleon Dynamite: NOW!
Goku: KAMEHAMEHA, MOTHERFUCKERS!
*Goku blasts the giant stage into pieces, sending everyone on it falling, as Tyson, Junior, Poe, Leonidas and Joan push the portal onto the stage, breaking it as well*
Goku: Now what, bitch?
Adolf Hitler: Well, I could call in the rest of my helicopters.
Goku: Bring it!
*Hitler calls in his remaining troops as Napoleon runs up to him*
Napoleon Dynamite: Neil, Poe, NOW!
*Neil proceeds to pull meteors down onto the tanks, blowing them up, and Poe takes care of the helicopters. Leonidas and Joan proceed to finish off the Nazis, as Napoleon runs up to tackle Hitler. Mr. T, Wallace and Miley approach, running to the group*
Miley Cyrus: Napoleon!
*Miley intercepts Napoleon’s tackle to Hitler, who proceeds to then put on the Vader suit and runs to the dock*
Napoleon Dynamite: Miley! You…ruined it. Now he’s getting away!
Miley Cyrus; Huh?
Goku: Not so fast, you fucktard!
Adolf Hitler: Time to see what this emergency button on the suit does…
*Hitler presses a red button on the suit, causing a computerized voice to go off*
Vader Suit: Force use enabled.
*Capone glares at Hitler, who glances around nervously*
Adolf Hitler: Well, whaddya know…let’s test it.
*Hitler uses the force, and grabs Goku, then slams him into the ground, rendering him unconscious, then does the same to Tyson*
Napoleon Dynamite: Ugh…gotta disable that somehow.
Junior: Daddy!
*Junior runs to Hitler, only for him to pick up his portal frame and smash Junior to pieces with it*
Miley Cyrus: Here, take this.
*Miley grabs the Vader helmet and hands it to Napoleon*
Miley Cyrus: *whispers* Just stick this on him and slam breathing mechanism…thingy. I have an idea. I’d tell you, but you’d get scared. Just do your part, and get him to the dock, okay?
Napoleon Dynamite: Okay…
Adolf Hitler: Oh, we’ll see who gets to the dock.
Miley Cyrus: Leo, T! Come with me!
Leonidas: Fine…
Mr. T: Alright!
William Wallace: Of course ya choose the arse over me…prick.
Edgar Allan Poe: I shall provide a last minute resort, knowing you most likely won’t need support.
Adolf Hitler: Al Capone, get Napoleon.
Al Capone: No, no no…you mean, you had the fucking force the whole time in that damn costume, and not once did you even have the slightest clue what that did?
Adolf Hitler: I had no intention of doing this…hey, shut up, and quit distracting me!
*Hitler force-throws Al into a tree, knocking him out, as a worried Cleopatra runs to help*
Adolf Hitler: As for Napoleon…you wanna know what the worst type of enemy in Halo is?
Napoleon Dynamite: It depends, really…
Adolf Hitler: The TANK!
*Hitler force-grabs two tanks, and proceeds to try sandwiching Napoleon with them*
Adolf Hitler: Helicopters, do something!
Edgar Allan Poe: Not so fast, you German ass!
*Poe proceeds to take care of the helicopters*
Napoleon Dynamite: Reflecting back at what you said, Hitler…I guess you were right.
*Napoleon slides under a tank Indiana Jones style*
Adolf Hitler: Of course I was.
*The scene transitions to Miley, T and Leonidas in Edison’s lab, by a giant pool connected to the ocean*
Mr. T:….uh, you sure about this?
Miley Cyrus: Certain.
Leonidas: This is…kinda harsh. I like it.
Miley Cyrus: Majority rules…T, open the gates.
Mr. T: Alright then…if you say so, ma’am…
*Mr. T flips a switch, as a large, dark shadow under the water swims to the ocean*
Miley Cyrus: Heh…
*The scene transitions back to Napoleon and Hitler, the former who’s closing in on Hitler, constantly dodging the tanks*
Napoleon Dynamite: You were so right…
Adolf Hitler: So the ginger admits he’s weak, finally…took you long enough. I question how you even made it this far, with your weak frame, pathetic manner, and disgusting looks.
Napoleon Dynamite: Yeah, some could say that’s what I meant, but I’m referring to something else, moron.
Adolf Hitler: Oh, and what was that?
*Hitler begins to pull the tanks back as far as he can to slam Dynamite between them*
Napoleon Dynamite: It is the man in the suit, not the suit itself that is strong.
*Napoleon punches the suit’s button pad on the front right as the tanks are 3 inches away from him, causing the suit to shut down, and he then slams the Vader helmet onto Hitler’s head backwards*
Vader Suit: Suit damaged. Entering deactivated mode.
Adolf Hitler: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Napoleon Dynamite: Oh, now you act like Vader…idiot.
*The suit suddenly falls limp, then the limbs freeze, meaning Hitler is now immobile.*
Napoleon Dynamite: Whaddya say we take a walk to the dock, huh?
Adolf Hitler: You little weasel…
*the scene cuts to the dock, where all the contestants (including Goku, Tyson and Capone, who were dragged over to be taken to the hospital) are gathered, suddenly spread out to form a path as Napoleon drags Hitler’s limp suit to the barrel which he tosses him into, then offers the lid to Blackbeard*
Napoleon Dynamite: Whaddya say, wanna do the offers?
Blackbeard: My pleasures.
*Blackbeard leans over the barrel and spits on the suit*
Blackbeard: See ya in hell, you greedy bastard.
*Blackbeard slams the lid on the barrel, then he and Dynamite kick it into the water, as the contestants cheer*
Adam: Won’t there be a slight chance of him getting out?
*The Megalodon suddenly lunges out of the water, eats Hitler’s barrel, and leaves*
Mr. T: I still feel bad…
Miley Cyrus: I feel great.
*Napoleon and Miley begin to make out*
Adam: Whaddya say we…
*Eve proceeds to kiss Adam*
Mr. T: Say, Lady Gaga, whaddya say we-
Lady Gaga: We’re friends, Mr. T.
*A single tear falls from Mr. T’s eye*
Leonidas: A manly tear is the saddest tear… *Leonidas pats Mr. T’s back*
William Wallace: You know, Leo…you’re not that bad.
Leonidas: Aw, thank yo-
William Wallace: Even if you are a worthless sack of shite with no redeeming qualities what so ever.
Leonidas: Of course.
Blackbeard: That’s a compliment where I come from…
Justin Bieber: Hey, has anyone seen Kanye?
*The scene cuts to Kanye West, still locked in the room*
Kanye West: Hello…anyone there? Cuz I am…help a brother out, will ya? Don’t make me cry…please…?
*the scene cuts back to the docks*
Bob Ross: Who cares? Someone got money, and that’s all that matters!
Justin Bieber: It wasn’t me, so…
Nice Peter: So, Napoleon, how was the whole thing?
Napoleon Dynamite: It was a sack of shit.
William Wallace: He didn’t mean Leonidas, ya dunderhead!
Leonidas: He was not talking about me.
William Wallace: So, you admit ya are one?
Leonidas: That’s not what I mean-fuck you.
Nice Peter: Anyways…
Nice Peter: Well, that's great to hear, Napoleon!
Napoleon Dynamite: No, it isn't. Thankfully, we don't have to do this all over again. At least I get a million bucks. And a girlfriend and some great friends. *Miley Cyrus kisses his cheek.*
EpicLLOYD: Yeah. I can't believe how fast this show went.
Nice Peter: I know. It's too bad it's over, really.
EpicLLOYD: Guess we'll have to say goodbye to everyone here and never see them ever.
Nice Peter: Never.
EpicLLOYD: Never ever again.
Nice Peter: Never.
*An awkward pause ensues, EpicLLOYD looking down at his watch impatiently before a howling is heard from up above.*
EpicLLOYD: Finally.
*A wolf with wings flies up overhead, then KassemG comes dropping out of the sky, landing while punching the ground.*
KassemG: Not only is this show not going to end, but you're going to make it bigger and you're going to make it better.
Nice Peter: Well, I guess we could make a second season or something, I dunno.
KassemG: *slaps Nice Peter* Yes, exactly. *turns to EpicLLOYD* And you, I wanna say your name is-
EpicLLOYD: That joke isn't funny anymore.
KassemG: Oh.
*Suddenly, Luigi falls face first off of the wolf, before John Lennon hops down and lands on his back.*
KassemG: Oh, and, uhh, these two will appear in the next season.
John Lennon: Peace, man.
Luigi: *muffled* Owie...
Nice Peter: Whatever you say. So! Who! *turns to the Doctor* I guess you'll be wanting to take all this dangerous time-traveling technology back with you to your flying phone box thing?
Doctor Who: Actually, if you don't mind, I'll be competing.
Luigi: *muffled* IMMA WIN!
Nice Peter: Well, a second season does sound fun. Okay, how about this:
Anyone who does NOT want to compete, say so!
Napoleon Dynamite: No.
Edgar Allan Poe: I’ll go with the flow and say n to the o.
Leonidas: This was lame, so no.
Blackbeard: Nah.
Eve: No thanks.
Adam: I’m with her on this…
EpicLLOYD: I think we’ll just hire Neil and keep Goku…
Michael Jordan: I ain’t gonna do it if Ali’s here.
Muhammad Ali: I ain’t doing it if that guy’s here.
Leonidas: Why don’t you both not do it?
Muhammad Ali: Fine.
Justin Bieber: This sucked. No.
Nice Peter: Well then, let’s do it.
EpicLLOYD: Well, this was a great episode. No joke. It was by far the worst thing we ever did.
KassemG: Besides Genghis Khan vs the Easter-
EpicLLOYD: Well, I guess there’s a season 2 inbound. Tune in to see who takes the spots of people who don’t want to return, some point in the future, here on Total. Drama.
Everyone: ERB!
Edgar Allan Poe: Is what you’ll hear from me.
EpicLLOYD: Did you have to?
Edgar Allan Poe: Sorry, had to rhyme. Me not doing so would be a crime.
~Fin~
 
Category:Season 1
Category:Script