No Perversion

No Perversion is the second The World of SBFW short.
==Transcript==
[The short begins with Zoltan in his house watching Friends.]
Phoebe: Oh absolutely. Shall we say, around seven? 
Chandler: Yes. 
Phoebe: Good. I'm really looking forward to you and me having sexual intercourse.
Zoltan: ugh this show has too much sex words, KNOW SEX!
[Zoltan throws the remote at the TV and it smashes.]
Zoltan: i hate sex. .im scatman john porn
[NotSoBot is offline.]
Zoltan: useless piece of crap.
[Zoltan whips out his piPhone, opens an incognito tab on Foogle, and searches up his special stuff on there. Scatman's World is heard.]
Zoltan: arre forgive me for what im about to do
[Dan bursts through the wall.]
Dan: ZOLTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Zoltan: o
Kool Guy: if i had a nickel for everytime a twos short started with dan interrupting zoltan doing something id have two nickels, which isnt a lot but its weird that it happened twice
Zoltan: get back to the grinder
Kool Guy: aw
[Kool Guy leaves.]
Dan: Zoltan, what in the name of hell are you doing?
Zoltan: nothing
Dan: Then why are you on an incognito tab?
Zoltan: business
Dan: What kind of business?
Zoltan: nunya
Dan: Nunya wha- let me see your screen.
[Dan tries to grab the phone from Zoltan.]
Zoltan: NO
Dan: Give me your phone or I'll castrate you again!
Zoltan: YOU DID NOT CASTRATE ME! FAKE NEWS!
Dan: Gimme the phone!
Zoltan: NO- (lets go of the phone) wait how can you castrate someone twi-
Dan: ZOLTAN!!!!!
Zoltan: what
Dan: (he shows the phone to Zoltan, which has a picture of Scatman on it) What is the meaning of this?!!
Zoltan: ye- you know, the- one thing i should-
Dan: SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR TESTICLES, DEGENERATE!
Zoltan: I AM FIVE YEARS OLD YOU DEGENERATE!
[Pan over to the window, where Mr. Renaud is sitting eating popcorn.]
Mr. Renaud: Jolly good show!
Dan: How dare you call me a degenerate! I'll have you know I am the least degenerate buffoon in the whole of The World of SBFW, unlike damn fools like you and Mr. Sponge.
Zoltan: who's mr sponge
[The scene cuts to CrazySponge locked in a jail cell.]
CrazySponge: for the last time, i was trying to prove a point!
Officer: Well was it a good one at least?
CrazySponge: no
[The scene cuts back to Dan and Zoltan.]
Zoltan: o
Dan: Sir, you have been accused of egregious sexual degeneracy and have been sentenced to death.
Zoltan: WHAT
Dan: Thanks for the late night service!
[Dan pulls a lever and a house crushes Zoltan.]
House: Huh, it actually felt kinda refreshing to crush someone other than Aidan for once.
Dan: I can't believe the NERVE of Zoltan, searching up stuff like that. Everyone knows Lola Bunny porn is where it's at! God, I would love to see her [censored due to breaking the terms of use] right up against the [censored due to breaking the terms of use] and her [censored due to breaking the terms of use] spilling out of her [censored due to breaking the terms of use]. I'm bursting just thinking about it!
Zoltan: yuore a hippocrite dan
Dan: HOW DARE YOU CALL ME A HYPOCRITE?!
[Dan pulls the lever again and another house crushes Zoltan.]
House: Hey, how you doing?
House 2: Fine actually, how are you?
House: Could be better, brutally crushing people is exhausting but I mean it puts bread on the table.
House 2: So true!
[Cut to Golfpecks in his bedroom lying down on a piece of cardboard where his bed should be.]
Golfpecks: Hmm, I'm feeling a little… unproductive today.
[He glances over to his Biden shrine on the other side of the room.]
Golfpecks: My, my. Aren't you looking pretty today, Joe?
[Golfpecks pulls in a bowl of strawberries beside his "bed" and begins to unzip his pants when Dan jumps out of Golf's closet.]
Golfpecks: (started penguin noise) Phillydan25! If you wanted to squat in my closet you could have asked, I will admit I do get rather lonely sometimes.
Dan: What?! No! Cease your degeneracy at once!
Golfpecks: Degeneracy? I don't know what you mean, I'm not an energy level.
Dan: If you're not being degenerate, then why are your pants unzipped?!
Golfpecks: I- uh… forgot to zip them up while getting dressed this morning. Sometimes I'm, uh, so focused on being productive I forget to dress myself properly
Dan: Oh, well, uh sorry my bad.
Golfpecks: It's fine, don't mention it.
[Dan walks out the bedroom door.]
Golfpecks: (sigh) Phew. Now that he's gone I can get back to making my stocks rise. FULL STEAM AHEAD!
[Golfpecks begins to take his trousers off when Dan runs back in.]
Dan: AHA!!!
Golfpecks: Uh… I can explain.
Dan: Don't lie to me, Mr. Pecks. I caught you in the act.
Golfpecks: LIES! LIES! LIES!
Dan: Mr. Pecks, you have been caught red flippered and given the death penalty.
Golfpecks: PRESIDENTIAL HARASSMENT! HELP! HEL-
[Golfpecks gets crushed by a house.]
Golfpecks: IS THAT ALL YOU'VE GOT?!
[Golfpecks gets crushed by another house.]
Golfpecks: Apparently not.
House 1: House 2?
House 2: Yeah?
House 1: Does it ever bother you that our only purpose in life is to brutally crush innocent fanfiction writers?
House 2: Innocent? Nah mate, this is the SpongeBob Fanon Wiki. I'm surprised no one's cracked down on them sooner.
[The scene cuts to CrazySponge in his house at the computer, drinking water.]
CrazySponge: (sigh) i was so dehydrated during gym earlier
[He puts the plastic Box Productions-branded water bottle to one side.]
CrazySponge: now for me to do what i do best
[The screen cuts to CrazySponge eating Cheerios.]
CrazySponge: mmm this is good shit
[The "Hoopla!" sound is heard on CrazySponge's phone as he gets a notification from the SBFW Discord server.]
CrazySponge: WHAT?! THEY'RE SENDING HOT BILLIE EILISH NUDES WITHOUT ME?!!!!
[CrazySponge scrambles to open the Discord server and types.]
CrazySponge (on Discord): yo where the nudes at
Dan (on Discord): just gimme a sec
[Dan links CrazySponge the image.]
CrazySponge: WELL HOT DIGGITY DOG!
[CrazySponge begins to unzip his pants when Dan jumps out of the cereal box.]
Dan: NO DEGENERACY!
CrazySponge: (screams) what degeneracy?
[Dan grabs the phone and shows it CrazySponge.]
Dan: This degeneracy!
CrazySponge: but you gave me the pic!
Dan: Yes, and as we all know assisting someone with something means you condemn it.
[Golfpecks' ghost slides up between Dan and CrazySponge.]
Golfpecks: It's true.
Dan: You know what this means, Mr. Sponge.
CrazySponge: (rolls eyes) i get muted slash kicked from the discord server again?
Dan: As well as…
[A house lands on CrazySponge.]
House: I'm starting to think this joke is getting old.
[The scene cuts to Dan walking into his house looking tired. He slams the door behind him.]
Dan: (yawn) Well Dan, you did it again. Another great day helping keep The World of SBFW slightly less degenerate! 
[He throws himself onto his couch and gets his phone out.]
Dan: I'm exhausted. 
[Dan suddenly gets a notification on his phone and suddenly sits himself up. He checks his phone and finds the notification reading "HOT GOTH GIRLS IN YOUR AREA".]
Dan: Ooh-hoo-hoo!
[CrazySponge suddenly appears behind Dan.]
CrazySponge: yeah i dont think so
[CrazySponge grabs the phone from Dan and smashes it on the floor.]
Dan: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!
CrazySponge: i've suffered for far too long, daniel sullivan. now it's time for crazysponge's revenge.
Dan: Wh- what are you talking about?
[Golfpecks's ghost suddenly appears.]
Golfpecks: You've been chasing after us all day about this so-called "degeneracy"-
[LilGrizz69 shows up.]
LilGrizz69: -and we've had enough of it.
[Zoltan's ghost also appears.]
Zoltan: this is discrimination against us scatgisexuals!
Dan: Look, I don't understand what you have against me. I'm simply enforcing what's right!
CrazySponge: o really? then what's this?
[He shows Dan the phone notification.]
Dan: I- That is- You have understan- (pause) Those damn fool hackers are everywhere nowadays, right?!
Golfpecks: Mr. Sullivan, your war crimes are no more.
Dan: Pfft, what are you gonna do?! Crush me with a house?!
CrazySponge: actually yes. HOUSE!
[The house appears, but instead of crushing Dan it just lands next to everyone.]
Dan: Ha! Missed me!
House: I don't wanna crush people anymore.
CrazySponge: WHAT?!
House: I've just had a change of heart, that's all. I'm tired of hurting people all the time! Which is why I'm resigning from crushing people and pursuing my dream career: becoming a Hollywood actor. Apparently they're desperate for house actors too! Maybe if I'm lucky I could be in the live action remake of The Wizard of Dizz!
[House leaves.]
CrazySponge: bitch
Dan: So um… (pause) y'all gonna get out of my house now?
Zoltan: yes dan becuz yuo are best admin and should be owner
Dan: I know I am. Run along now!
[Everyone except CrazySponge leaves.]
Dan: I said "run along now"!
CrazySponge: i-
Dan: Get out of my HOUSE!
[House 2 lands on CrazySponge.]
CrazySponge: OH NOW SOMEONE GETS CRUSHED!
House 2: I love doing what I do!
[House 2 winks at the camera, the scene irises out and the short ends.]
Category:Shorts
Category:2021
Category:2021 Transcripts
Category:The World of SBFW
Category:PrimitiveSponge129
Category:Thatjess
Category:Episodes written by Thatjess
Category:Episodes Written By PrimitiveSponge129
Category:Transcripts
Category:PI
Category:2020s
Category:Episode transcripts
Category:Episodes
Category:Short transcripts
Category:2021 Episodes
Category:Short Episodes
Category:2021 Shorts