Transcripts 2005-07

Transcripts from July 2005 strips.
==July 1==
Panel 1The Governor is facing the camera with a scowl.Governor: Okay lets assume there's nothing in the urn for now, as the seal seems to be intact. Lets also rule out ghosts for the time being shall we? So we take what is left and apply Occam's Razor!Panel 2Same as panel 1, but the Governor is tilting his head and raising a finger.Governor: It has to be someone who can see the urn and have access to the oracle or the power supply. They must also have way too much time on their hands and puerile enough to play at ghosts after they overheard the stories about this place.Panel 3Kevin angrily looks up at a ceiling-mounted security camera. The Governor gives Kevin a smug grin.Kevin: THE BLOODY SECURITY!Governor: You see Kevin? Occam's Razor! The simplest explanation leads to the simplest people in the building!
==July 4==
Panel 1Kevin gnashes his teeth and makes an aggressive pose. The Governor points at him, concern on his face.Kevin: GRRRRRRRAAAH! I'm going to fucking kill those security guards!Governor: No you're not! You're going to stay here!Panel 2Kevin shouts over his shoulder at the unimpressed Governor.Kevin: Knickers to that sir! I won't have some tea slurping, knuckle dragger scare my staff and fuck around with my stuff! You'll have to give me a damn good reason why I shouldn't go up there and kick their arse!Panel 3Same as panel 1, but Kevin looks noticeably deflated at the Governor's stern retort.Governor: Because the security team are all ex-SAS and they'll stuff your head up your backside like an onion!Kevin: That IS a good reason!
==July 5==
The Church of Poisoned Minds
Panel 1Black-and-white monochrome comic. Al is smiling and holding a letter in one hand and reading it, the opened envelope for the same in his other hand.Caption (Al): I got my confirmation for a professional badge for the San Diego con today. Even though they hand these things out like sweets I still get some gratification in being called a pro. Also there's the plus side of getting in the con for free with it.Panel 2Al is sitting at his computer and looking annoyed.Caption (Al): Which is good seeing my hotel bill has shot up due to people dropping out! With this extra cost I won't be able to do any fun things like "eat" for a week. My own fault really as I still haven't finished a piece of commission work because it took ages to pencil and now I'm scared of inking the bastard!Panel 3Al is wearing sunglasses, a hat, and a backpack and grinning with a photo of the San Diego convention center in the background.Caption (Al): Ah well, I'm sure it'll work itself out as it often does. So see you there! I'm going to be there the whole 5 days somewhere. I';; be the Brit with the long hair living off Marmite sandwiches and Twiglets!(mistaken duplicated Flash animation? same as 5 August "comic")
==July 6==
Panel 1Nathan is sitting at his desk and wearing his blue shaded glasses and headset, looking up at Kevin, who is looking over his shoulder with arms crossed.Nathan: So the boss thinks it's the security team dicking about?Kevin: Yeah he's gone up there to knock heads together!Panel 2Nathan turns away to tap at his keyboard.Nathan: Humm, do any of them have basic assembly knowledge?Panel 3Same as panel 1 but Kevin is looking at Nathan this time.Kevin: Naps, the only pushing and popping those meatheads do is while picking their noses!Nathan: Well I know they don't get your stack of geek jokes Kevin!
==July 7==
Panel 1Nathan is looking at his computer and talking to Kevin, who is looking over Nathan's shoulder.Nathan: Humm, well have a look at this. It's the error logs from the crashes and it paints a different picture.Panel 2Face-on view of Nathan from over the back of his monitor.Nathan: See the registry values for the CPUs at the time of the crash? They were told to write nonsense into protected memory, causing the whole lot to crash and burn! The commands must have been entered below the OS layer otherwise the operating system, whatever's left of it, would have stepped in and prevented the crash.Panel 3Slightly different camera angle of panel 1, but Kevin now has an irritated face.Kevin: In other words, this is a bit too advanced for the resident missing links upstairs in security.Nathan: Have fun telling the boss he's wrong!
==July 8==
Panel 1Nathan is alone at his computer desk, looking up at the ceiling. A transmission through his headphones is inaudible except to Nathan.Transmission: ... . .. ... .. .. .... . ...... ..... ..... ... ....Panel 2Close-up of Nathan's shocked face as his ears are blasted out. A giant red starburst appears behind him as background.Transmission: WHAT!?Panel 3Nathan is cross-eyed and covering his ears in agony.Nathan (thinking): Note to self: If you want to keep your eardrums, use a less sensitive bug in your boss's office when he hears bad news!
==July 11==
Single PanelBlack-and-white sketch. Al is facing the camera and smiling, giving a thumbs-up.Header: FILLER 1Al (aside): Hiya boys and girls! As thanks for sending me your hard eared money for me to me to piss-arse about in California again, I'm going to fob you off... I mean REWARD you with a look inside my sketchbook while I'm away! ... Well at least I'm not running a load of dreadful guest comics so count yourself lucky! This way at least you can get a look at some of my other ideas I usually never follow though. That and a shit load of doodles of course! Look out for characters from another strip idea, a rejected Babel Tower design and a doodle puppy I've called "Jen-Eric" over the next week or so. See you on the flip side and thanks again everybody!Footer: ©2005 Alan ForemanHTML footerCLICK HERE TO SKIP FILLER WEEK!
==July 12==
Single PanelThree/four? separate doodles. Top half of page has Doctor Eggman and some contraption. Just in front of Eggman is a character with a giant toothy face, flying via jetpack. Lower left is a large intimidating beefy dude with a very Norman-like expression (but no huge buck teeth). Lower right is a demure, busty woman with bare feet and her arms behind her back.Left footer: FILLER 2Right footer: ©2005 Alan Foreman
==July 13==
Single PanelA number of doodles of assorted characters. A nondescript-looking guy with short spiky hair is looking up in shock at a character with a large caricature skull face, who is glaring at him. Spiky hair has a note with an arrow pointing to him, "Someone beleves he's a god"Once on a Livestream, Al described a story setting where belief is what makes gods; someone saw the character in question and truly believed, "This guy is the God of Pizza!" and thus made him the God of Pizza. Al subsequently went on to explain that, for instance, the sheer volume of contradictory beliefs in God made Him extremely schizophrenic. and Skull Face has two notes, "YES" and "$harp Edeg*"(?). There is a forward-facing view of Skull Face next to the aforementioned sketch. Next to these is a large, dimwitted-looking beefy dude with buzzcut and a standard "Mom Heart" tattoo, thinking of a desert with a mountain, cactus, and tumbleweed. In the left center is a rocket launching upwards. To the lower right of the rocket is a puppy that is probably the Jen-Eric mentioned in the July 11 image, saying "I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL!" In the right center, below the beefy dude, is a cat (puma?) with the same proportions as Jen-Eric, but with eyes more like Anne, and "speaking" a skull and crossbones. In the lower right corner is a grumpy imp version of a devil holding a "STUN PITCH FORK" (note pointing to the same) and wearing a shirt with a lit cartoon bomb and "I ♥ HELL" on it. In the bottom center is a busty cowgirl with hat, tie-front shirt, and cut-off jean shorts, shouting "YEE HAW!Header: FILLER 3Footer: ©2005 Alan Foreman
==July 14==
Single PanelMultiple separate doodles. Top left corner has a large-headed generic bird with "X" eyes, flapping its wings madly. Top center is a rough sketch of an industrial factory. Top right corner is a smiley face with legs. Below the flapping bird is a cross-eyed dude with spiky hair (the God of Pizza?). Below the factory is a weasel character wearing overalls with a huge grin. Below the smiley is a nerd with glasses and bowtie. Center left is a teapot pouring tea into a teacup. Center is a long-haired woman in a suit of CORE(?) armour. Center right is the Skull Face character with a note "Mr D" next to him. Lower left corner is an electricity pylon. Bottom center is Portia from Fight Cast Or Evade, smirking and standing with a staff and a hand on her hip.Left header: FILLER 4Right header: ©2005 Alan Foreman (and Matt Trepal)
==July 15==
Single PanelMultiple separate doodles. Top left corner has a character (Al?) in a tank. Top center is a city scene with a mushroom cloud in the background. Next to the city scene is a motorbike(?) design. Below the tank is a character sucking on something in their hand, while "saying" a skull and crossbones. Center left is a two?-person camping tent. Center is a partially coloured sketch of Al, looking down. Bottom right corner is a hand holding a handgun. Next to the hand is an annoyed Richard in his underwear. Below Al is a random confused woman touching a finger to her lip. Bottom right corner is the aforementioned rejected Tower of Babel design with the note "NA =p" next to it.Left header: FILLER 5Right header: ©2005 Alan Foreman
==July 18==
Single PanelMultiple separate doodles. Top 2/3rds of the page is a large doodle of Sticky the Stick Man (though less of a stick man, with an actual body... stick arms, though) juggling a drill, chainsaw, and circular saw. Sticky says, "Some days I like to juggle power tools" via a side note. Lower left corner is Jen-Eric, now showing a visible collar, and saying, "Hi there! Now Suck my dick, BITCH!" Bottom center is a character wearing what looks like a tribal mask. Above the tribal mask character is a passenger plane with a goofy smiling cartoon face. Bottom right corner is a character with a HUGE grin, wearing a dress shirt and cape(?).Left header: FILLER 6Right header: ©2005 Alan Foreman
==July 19==
Single PanelMultiple separate doodles. Upper left is a gangster-looking character who vaguely looks like Al with no hair, wearing a Boss of the Plains hat, trench coat, and suit and tie, carrying a (wide) violin case. Upper right is a wary busty girl with a crop top, shorts, and long hair. Right center is Nick Wellington looking thoughtful. Lower right corner is a parody of the Goodyear Blimp, with "BAD YEAR" on it. Bottom center is a Sopwith Camel(?) but with a star on the rudder. It is also loaded with an aerial bomb. Bottom right corner is a Supermarine Spitfire(?).Header: FILLER 7Footer: ©2005 Alan Foreman (and Jeff Darlington)
==July 20==
Single PanelMultiple separate doodles. Top left corner is a meteor. Top center is an angry Al shaking his fist. Top right corner is a Sticky-like person with actual body, holding a bazooka-like weapon with "AJAX MAKES BOOM FACE"(?) written on it. Below the meteor is a wide-eyed character who vaguely resembles Homer Simpson. Below "Homer" is a metal box with a fan and a pipe attaching to the wall. Below the bazooka man is a pair of dice on fire as though entering the atmosphere at terminal velocity. Center is a character that resembles an angry Beaker but with Hitler moustache. Lower left is a bored character with a sword on his back and wearing a feathery headdress (or spiky hair like Crono). Bottom center is a drooling smiley face with sharp teeth and "interested" eyebrows. Lower right is a fish thinking, "GOD I LOOK FAT" while swimming on the ocean floor.Caption: Okay, last one I promise! After 20 hours travelling with a rotten cold and lack of sleep over the course of the con (Aeireassuming this Aeire's living room floor isn't very comfy) plus jet lag, I came home and almost literally slept for a day solid. I feel a hell of a lot better for it though. Anyway, here's some doodles done at the con, trying out my new collection of pens I would have a really hard time getting hold of back home.
==July 21==
Panel 1The Governor is angry, covering his eyes with one hand.Governor: AAAAAHHHHH! Oh this is giving me the worst headache of my life@ Now you're saying that it isn't security's fault. If the they aren't casing this problem then who the hell is?Panel 2Kevin touches his fingertips together, looking over his shoulder in embarrassment.Kevin: We don't know. The level of the attack was below the OS and network layers so there's no real way to trace the culprit. Whoever it is knows what they are doing and has console access to the CPUs.Panel 3The Governor is sitting at his desk, looking up at Kevin. There is a flat-panel monitor and keyboard on the desk and a plant visible behind the desk and Kevin.Governor: So it has to be a furry tooth! No wonder the guards looked confused when I confronted them!Kevin: They look like that if you ask them anything harder then "what is your name?"
==July 22==
Panel 1The Governor props up his face using his fists, elbows on his desk. Kevin rubs his chin in thought.Governor: So it's a geek we're looking for. Any possible names that spring to mind?Panel 2Close-up of Kevin, finger against his chin.Kevin: Well it has to be someone smart and creative, knows the system like the back of their hand and have the balls to do this!Panel 3Nathan looking angry as he eavesdrops on the Governor and Kevin.Transmission (Kevin): Which pretty much rules out the spineless clowns in my department!
==July 25==
Panel 1The Governor points toward Kevin (off-panel), suddenly having a realisation.Governor: What about the little tit with the sunglasses and the headphones? Wasn't he one of the "dirty half-dozen" we got to work for us? In the end we couldn't trust them, so what about him?Panel 2Kevin rolls his eyes and gestures dismissively with one hand.Kevin: Naps? No, I don't think it's him. He loves his work too much to risk it. That and he was a phreak and not a cracker like the other five so he's more predictable.Panel 3Flashback scene to Nathan hanging by one ankle from a tangled telephone wire and grinning in embarrassment at a large canine officer scowling at him.Kevin (off-panel): That and he never wants anyone to find out how he got caught in the first place...Nathan: Um... Hello!
==July 26==
Panel 1Nathan is holding his left hand to a biometric reader.Nathan (thinking): I knew they would start suspecting me of this sooner or later and I can't say I blame them!Panel 2Close-up of Nathan's hand on the biometric reader. It scans his hand and gives a BEEP! when done.Nathan (thinking): Thanks to the other five dicking about, I have to prove my innocence! At least they haven't cut off my access yet!Panel 3Nathan stands at the top of a staircase with thick guardrails, making a partial silhouette against the brightly-lit doorway.Nathan: *sigh*Nathan (thinking): Where's a one-armed man when you need one?
==July 27==
Panel 1Nathan walks down the dimly-lit stairs, holding onto both guardrails. His sunglasses are raised and resting on his forehead. There is a DANGER! MOVING MACHINERY! generic caution sign on the back wall.Nathan (thinking): God I hate going down into the tape safe, but this is where I'll find any evidence if there is any!Panel 2Camera view from behind as Nathan touches the red button on a wall panel. There is a green light next to the red button.Nathan (thinking): At least I'll have the place to myself. Nobody works inside the jukebox if they can get away with it!Panel 3Nathan side-eying "the Chicken," a robotic arm similar to the arm in a jukebox currently picking up a tape from a curved rack.Nathan (thinking): Because not only is it meant to hurt like hell, if "the chicken" catches you, you can NEVER live it down!
==July 28==
Panel 1Nathan stares at a terminal, viewing the contents of a tape. He is surrounded by stacks of other tapes that he has presumably already viewed. A "WHIRR!" sound indicates a tape in the process of winding.Nathan: Humm...Panel 2Face-on view of Nathan glaring at a point above the camera, resting his chin on his hand.Nathan (thinking): Damn, this is turning out to be a waste of time! Most of these tapes are blank and the ones that aren't are just filled with the gibberish the Oracle farts out these days! Why are most of these blanks anyway?Panel 3Side view of a canine looking thoughtfully at a monitor, touching a finger to his mouth. There is a red landline phone on a table behind him, and assorted notes attached to the back wall.Caption: SEVERAL WEEKS EARLIER...Lazy archivist (thinking): Do I spend hours backing up useless crap nobody will ever use, or do I write all this shit to a null drive and spend the rest of the evening looking at porn? Decisions, decisions...
==July 29==
The Church of Poisoned Minds
Panel 1Black-and-white lineart comic. Close-up of a side-view mirror in which a grinning Al is reflected. At the bottom of the mirror is a label reading, "OBJECTS MAY BE CLOSER THEN THEY APPEAR DUMB-ASS!"Caption (Al): One of the things I noticed in while in the US again was warning labels. Of course we have them in the UK but in the US they seem to be a lot larger and on virtually anything.Caption (Al): And they're always painfully obvious.Panel 2Close-up of a plastic bin warning label with a "NO" symbol containing a crude representation of a child about to be closed inside a plastic bin, reading, "DON'T PUT BABIES IN THIS AIR-TIGHT BOX, YOU FUCK-WIT"Caption (Al): The US legal system doesn't seem to take common sense into consideration and awards people for being fucking morons! Therefore companies have to cover their asses for the most ridiculous reasons.Panel 3Al is sadly reading a box.Caption (Al): I was going to say things are better over here and be all smug about how much smarter we are... That was until I read the back of a packet of sleeping pills I bought to help with my jetlag...Box: WARNING: May cause drowsiness.
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