Persona 4 Abridged Episode 8 Script

The following is the script for the eighth episode of Persona 4 Abridged, unedited from its original form. Some content may have been changed.
== Script ==
Margaret: If
you’re looking for the NOSE, he’s not here right now. Sent that asshole
straight to rehab.
Margaret: That means that I can play with the cards myself for once.
Margaret: So, the Emperor card here means that--
(the emperor card shatters)
Margaret: Don’t
think that was supposed to happen.
Margaret: Eh, you get what you pay for.
Naoki: EVERY DAY’S GREAT AT YOUR JUNES
Chie: AHHH!!!
Yukiko: What, is it too hot?
Chie: Yeah, but I like a
challenge.
Yosuke: Whoa whoa whoa, Chie!
Gotta save up your appetite for………….. the camping trip!
(pause)
Yu: Isn’t that in like two days?
(transition)
Yosuke: So! What do you guys
wanna eat at the camping trip?
Yu: I dunno, maybe sushi?
Yukiko: I think I’d like a giant
melon.
Yu: I think that’s stupid.
Chie: I haven’t eaten for two
days……..
Yosuke: Then we’re all agreed!
Curry, it is!
(cut)
Yukiko: [zombie-esque drooling
sounds]
Yu: So, what are we supposed to
do at the camping trip?
Chie: There’s LOTS to do! We can
cook s’mores, sleep on the floor, eat wild animals…
Yosuke: I don’t think the
teacher’s gonna like that.
Chie: Then I’ll eat him too!
Yukiko: These melons aren’t quite
big enough, but I’ll manage.
Chie: I bet you ten bucks I can
juggle them!
Yukiko: I was gonna throw them at
people and watch them cry.
Yosuke: (thinking) Those onions
are shitty-ass melons.
Yosuke: EVERYONE, STAY WHERE YOU
ARE AND GET ON THE GROUND! I gotta go buy some SWIMSUITS! (as he’s walking
away) Gonna show off my rockin’ gams.
Chie: First one to blink loses.
(transition)
Yosuke: Where are the other two?
I told you not to move!
Yu: (thinking after he blinks)
Shit, I fucked up!
Yu: I lost…
Yosuke: Oh, they’re over there.
Tell them to get out of my store when they’re done. Bye!
(transition)
(aggressive music playing in the
background)
Nanako: W’sup, ho!
Yu: I uh… brought… I brought
Junes.
Nanako: I love Junes! Sometimes I
lie down in the produce aisle and cry because I miss mom.
Yu: You can just do that at…
home, can’t you?
Nanako: Dad says I can’t think
about Mom at home because thinking about her won’t bring her back, and I should
just move on. Then he cries too.
Dojima: Bananako!
Nanako: Huh?
Dojima: You’re grounded. (sniff)
(crying sounds and sounds of him running upstairs)
(yu does the hand thing)
Nanako: Is that a magic trick?
(long pause and then he does
thing and then there’s another pause)
Nanako: Alright…
(transition)
Yosuke: ahhh………
Yukiko: So how’s the melon curry?
Yosuke: Cuuuurrrrsseeeed…………
Yu: Wait, is that food… evil?
Chie: Well I told you I made a
WICKED curry!
(pause with a cough in the
background)
Yukiko: Gave Chie free reign on
this one. (pause) Enjoy.
Yu: Were you trying to kill him?
Yukiko: (creepily with emphasis on
each word) Your turn to taste.
Yu: I had a good life… Nah, who
am I kiddin’? It sucked.
(transition)
Yosuke: What’d you PUT in this?
It tasted like pure, concentrated evil!
Yukiko: Oh, you know, a little of
this, a little of that.
(transition)
Chie: So, are you thinkin’ lamb’s
blood or blood of virgins?
Yukiko: You can do whatever. I’ll
just make the rice.
Chie: So I can do… anything?
Yukiko: Well I mean… just try not
to kill anybody.
Chie: Try…
Yukiko: Mhm…
Chie: Okay, we need some snips…
snails… puppydog tails? I saw some monkey on TV do it once. His brain was huge,
so he must’ve been pretty smart!
Yukiko: (sigh) That was a
cartoon… I’m not gonna eat this.
(transition)
Chie: It’s the thought that
counts?
Yukiko: Chie, you’re banned from thinking.
Chie: Done and done!
(pause)
Yukiko: Uh, Chie?
(pause)
Yosuke: And the WORST part is,
now we have all this FOOD that we can’t EAT!
Hanako: vacuum sounds
(transition)
Student 1: Did you hear that
Naoki doesn’t have to do his homework?
Student 2: Wow!  I wish MY sister would die!
Naoki: Um, can I help you?
Student 1: Well if it isn’t the
privileged kid!
Naoki: Um…
Student 2: Yeah, come to BRAG
about your DEAD SISTER again?
Naoki: But I di—
Student 3: Let’s GO before OUR
sisters die TOO.
Students 1/2/3: [callous
laughter]
Yu: Do you have any painkillers?
He tried fighting a bear.
Yosuke: You get one, you think
you can get them all!
Naoki: Here you go. But, just so
you know…
Naoki: It’s administrated
rectally.
Yosuke: Gives “open wide, Yosuke”
a whole new meaning, huh Narukami?
Yu: I… okay, Yosuke.
(transition)
Aika: Two bowls of noodles.
Chie: I ordered pizza!
Aika: Then why would you… auhghh…
Yosuke: Guys, you will NEVER
guess what just happened!
Kanji: I had to help.
Yukiko: (under her breath)
Shhhhit.
Yosuke: Hey, you ordered us
noodles, thanks!
Chie: Nope.
Yu: Then why does he get some?
Kanji: Brought it from home.
Yosuke: But why are you hanging
out with us?
Kanji: Oh, sorry I wanted to
spend time with my FRIENDS. Y’know, sit around the fire, tell ghost stories,
fun camp stuff. So, Yukiko, know any good ghost stories?
Yukiko: It’s daytime, Kanji.
Kanji: Oh. (pause) Well, I got
one! People kept talkin’ about how Konishi died, and I was freaking out until I
SAW him at SCHOOL the next day! Pretty scary, huh?
Yosuke: Kanji, his sister died,
not him.
Kanji: That makes some past
conversations REALLY awkward.
Kanji: This is boring. I’m going
fishing.
 (transition)
Kanji: I caught one!
Naoki: Hi.
Yu: That’s Naoki. Kanji, why?
Kanji: Well, when I saw him, he was
floundering. Ehhh?
Naoki: This is true, but I am no
flounder. I’m an eagle, hovering like an albatross, always on the watch. Caw.
Caw. (music)
Naoki: War, war never changes.
When you’ve been on the battlefield as long as I have, you learn a few things. Interviewers
kept asking me and my family about my sister’s death. Notice the past tense:
kept asking me.
Yu: That’s rough, buddy.
Naoki: Yeah, ever since my sister
died, life has been one big rubix cube with no one to say, “Hey it’s upside
down.”
Saki: (echoed) Hey, it’s upside
down…
Naoki: [elongated sighhhhhhhhh]
Yukiko: Is he still talking?
Naoki:  It’s like my father always said, “You never
know what you’ve lost until you’ve lost it. Help me find my car keys.”
Yu: Hey, can you throw this away?
Naoki: Yeah, sure.
(transition)
Naoki: It’s been nice hanging
out. You know, for the first time since my sister died, I’m experiencing this
strange new feeling in my chest.
Yosuke: Is it happiness?
Naoki: Heartburn. Bye.
(cuts to them staring)
Yosuke: Was that fish the
butt-medicine guy?
Yu: Yosuke, he was Naoki, and an
eagle.
Yosuke: Scribe, we got another
suspect.
Yu: You’re dumb.
(transition)
Yukiko: Yosuke, for the last
time, it wasn’t Naoki, or Nanako.
Yosuke: (in the distance) But
it’s the one you least expect!
Chie: Yosuke, my mailman’s more
likely to be the culprit than Nanako!
Yu: We should recap.
Yukiko: Lame.
Yosuke: Kanji!
Kanji: Over here.
Yosuke: What do you remember
before you were kidnapped?
Kanji: I remember that that
politician, Namatame, moved back to Inaba after the scandal with his wife and
became a delivery dude.
Yukiko: I don’t see how that’s
relevant.
Chie: Didn’t he have a thing with
the first victim?
Yukiko: Holy shit, are we
actually blaming the mailman?
Chie: Wait no, I take it back. He’s
a GOOD, HONEST mailman!
Yukiko: Wait, guys, if Mrs.
Yamano, the first victim was on the TV… and SAKI was interviewed about the
body, and then I was on the TV…
Yosuke: We get it. You were on
TV. Stop bragging about it!
Chie: No, Yosuke! She means the murderer
must watch TV!
Kanji: Hey, guys, what’s goin’
on?
Yu: Let’s split up, gang.
Yosuke: Zoinks!
Yukiko: Jeepers.
Chie: Jinkies!
Kanji: Uh… ruh roh?
Morooka: Ruh roh is right, you
meddling kids. YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE SEARCHING FOR TRASH! NOT PERTINANT CLUES!
(transition)
Yosuke: I don't know if I'm
comfortable in the same tent with Kanji. Because he's... you know...
Yu: Yosuke, that's not cool.
Yosuke: Yeah, and neither are
freshmen! We gotta kick him out before he lames up the tent!
Kanji: What? I'm not a freshman!
Yosuke: How many years have you
been at Yasogami?
Kanji: One, but what does that
have to do with anything?
Yu: No, you kind of are a
freshman.
Kanji: Would a freshman do THIS?
AAAAAHHHH!!!! Hi Chie. Hi Yukiko. AHHHHHHHHH!!!
Yukiko: Where was Kanji headed?
Yu: Eh. (pause) Why are you guys
here?
Yukiko: We’re here for some
action.
Yosuke: (excited gasp)
Chie: Brought some Street
Fighter!
Yosuke: Aw…
Yu: What, does Chie spam or
something?
Morooka: Do I hear the sound of
kids having FUN? I’m too drunk for this job… Consistently. It’s a problem.
(transition)
Chie: So where’d you go last
night?
Kanji: Rolled around in some dirt.
Fresh? Not anymore.
Yosuke: If we wanna make it to
nationals, we’ve gotta step up our swimming practice!
Chie: What?
Yosuke: Brought enough for
everyone!
Yu: Where’d you even hide those?
Yosuke: Been wearin’ ‘em for JUST
this occasion! For weeks!
Kanji: No…
(transition)
Kanji: Nice trunks, man!
Yu: Stole ‘em from my uncle.
Chie: I don’t like that these fit
like a glove.
Yukiko: Yosuke, you have a really
slim figure.
Yosuke: Runs in the family.
Yu: Lookin’ good, Chie, Yukiko.
Chie: Oh, wow, thanks!
Yukiko: Oh, stop it!
Yosuke: Lookin’ good, Chi--
Chie: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY
TO MY FACE?
Yosuke: That you looked… good?
(cut to them flying)
Yu: And that was the day that I
knew my life would change forever.
Yosuke: (girly screams)
Kanji: Aw man, the altitude’s
gettin’ to me.
Yukiko: Kanji, you’re bleeding
and covered in dirt. You NEED to bathe!
Kanji: Hah? No! Nononononono-
(cuts to him flying)
Kanji:
NYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAA-
Kanji: And that was the day that
I knew my life would change forever.
Kanji: AAAAAHHHHHH!!!
(splash)
Kanji: Naoki?
Naoki: Sup.
Yu: Do you hear something?
Morooka: (puking sounds) WHAT
DOESN’T KILL ME (puking sounds) WILL ONLY MAKE ME STRONGER! (puking sounds) I
CAN TAKE ANYTHING YOU THROW AT ME! (puking sounds) I’M A GOOD TEACHER!!!
(puking and sobbing) I AM POWERFUL!!! (sobbing)
Yu: (quiet, distressed sounds
followed by screaming)
Yosuke: (quiet, distressed sounds
followed by screaming)
Kanji: (quiet, distressed sounds
followed by screaming)
Yukiko: Gross.
(credits)
Yu: uhh….
Nanako: Big bro!!! How was the
trip?
Yu: uhh….
Category:Persona 4 Abridged
Category:P4A Scripts