Emet-ic Mutation

==Season Ten, Episode Four==
Preceded by: Season Ten, Episode Three: O Brother, What the Fuck
Followed by: Season Ten, Episode Five: Boulder Dash
==Summary==
::0615 Friday November 14th, 1443 to 1715 November 14th, 1443
::Sending to Ethan Dragonslayer: That guy wasn't my brother, he was my brother. My host's. Golem battle, lots of casting Light. Good thing you missed it, really.
: After the meeting with the Inquisitor, the crew of the JKIII spends a brief amount of time shopping in Nyasa's Reach for various useful items. Leilah purchases an entire cargo transporting rig for the party. Then the ship takes off and heads for Bisau. Leilah asks her mother a few questions, and learns that she is timeshifted, she is not where she normally is, and the Baetyl is linked to the forces threatening her existence. She also asks a bit about that Inquisitor and learns that he was not in fact an illthid, but instead a relative of Ashra's host.
: This is deeply odd to Ashra; she was supposed to be made from a human sorcerer, and given Nyasan customs, a human is unlikely to be related to an aasimar of Cuthbert like that inquisitor. Also, Nyasans don't really come up to the Northern Continent and commit capital crimes all that often. And even if one did, most people tend to resent their relatives being horrifically killed by a parasite which then claims their body as its own. The deep conspiracy theorizing will have to wait, though; it's time to get a move on.
: Snugglesworth is getting very tired. Almost everyone needs to sleep, and Eleven isn't qualified to steer the ship. Ashra and Kruglor each volunteer to take a two-hour shift so that Snugglesworth can recover for four hours, and then everyone will sleep so they'll have their spells back. Ashra easily handles the ship; Kruglor hasn't had any experience at all, and has a harder time before he gets the hang of it.
: As they approach the Nubian Sea, the party spots a gargantuan sand worm diving in and out of a cliff. It's pretty cool, and they gawk at it as they sail onto the sea. This sea is embodied by Leilah's aunt, Anahita Nubia, who thankfully gets along with Anahita Benin. The temperatures here can be very volatile, however, and at an extreme the weather can change dramatically within twenty minutes. They'll also have to sail very high to avoid the pirates. Cicero gets a mild headache from the altitude; everyone else is fine.
: Sam brings out healing quiche. It manages to cure Cicero and Ashra's Altitude Sickness, an impressive feat, and everyone is cheered by it.
: Most of the journey is uneventful. For an hour or so it becomes incredibly hot, and Leilah has a hard time keeping the ship upright. When Bisau is in sight, however, the ship is met with an enormous thunderstorm. It is arcane in origin, and Leilah and Zaphodel's divine magic fails to function. Aether crawls around tying down things on the ship with help from Cicero and Ashra. The lightning rod saves the party any damage, but the ship is bashed up badly by the time it pulls in at Bisau.
: Bisau is a beautiful town that's not looking too great right now. There are huge holes in many of the buildings, especially one that Leilah saw in her dream. Aether warns that they shouldn't park at the docks -- it's not that anyone actually wants to shank her, but she's not the best liked down there. The JKIII docks at the shore and Ashra disguises herself as an aasimar again.
: They are greeted first by a Warforged. Eleven is very enthusiastic opening the door. The other Warforged asks for a donation to the church of Farlanghn; Ashra tells him to fuck off. Eleven protests and makes a donation. He is offered the chance to play a slot machine in the other warforged's chest. He pulls a lever and is given a random yellow potion, which Ashra only knows is not a drug.
: After the Warforged leaves, the real dock security shows up. At this point Ashra kind of knows what she's doing, mostly thanks to the Inquisitor's criticisms. The party presents their documents, explains their visit as a business one with a passenger, and pays the 5 NYGP/day docking fee for two days. They then head into Bisau to get some schmoozing done before Ashra's illusion wears off.
: The first stop is an adventuring bar with an excellent view of the destruction. A gnome bard is singing in the middle of the bar. Eleven glares at him and tells him to cut it out. The gnome switches to a sadder tune. Eleven yells at him to stop that, then punches him out. The bar breaks into applause.
: Ashra telepathically screams at Eleven to behave himself; he got away with it this time, but could have put the party in great danger. He finally promises to try.
: An adventurer has noticed Eleven; he calls him over. Eleven buys him a drink and, with telepathic coaching from the rest of the party, starts chatting him up. This particular adventurer was working in the Ornan Jungle gleaning from Plague Brushes to make Sarasin. He got himself poisoned, however, and then Bisau was destroyed, including his apartment.
: Aether helps flirt with the adventurer. He recognizes Cicero as a high roller, and tells him there's Double Dragon in the back. He greets Ashra very enthusiastically, surprised to see an aasimar around. In the ensuing telepathic argument, she refuses to flirt no matter how much telepathic coaching is offered, considering it beneath her dignity. The party decides to move on.
: They've just started chatting up the barkeep when Flapjack, Aether's stalker ex-boyfriend, recognizes her. He gives her a vial of The Green Liquid as a present. Aether flirts with him just enough to get information out of him about the thing that ruined Bisau. It's called The Annihilator. It was a giant metal thing the size of a building, it could shoot needles from its mouth and breathe fire, spells were useless against it, and it beat things to dust with its massive fists. In addition to attacking the town proper, it beat the river until it broke into a salt vein. Leilah confirms that this could poison her aunt over the course of several years.
: Another damaged building was the temple of Corellon Larethian, which has a famous sanctuary. It's the building Leilah dreamed about. The leader of the militia has disappeared for reasons unknown; she can't be raised, and Sendings failed.
: Aether thanks him for the info, and the party leaves the bar. She expresses some interest in the Green Liquid, and Ashra gives a heartfelt telepathic "Oh, honey, no" speech.
: The party first quickly visits the river to see the damage. The bridges have been smashed, though one is being rebuilt, and there's definitely salt pouring into the river. There's not much to do there, though, so it's probably best to move on. The party heads to Corellon's temple; Ashra wraps herself tightly in her cloak as her illusion drops.
: The temple is still a pretty impressive sight, even with big holes in it. There are long tapestries with Ashra's infinite gear pattern on them hanging on the walls. Written below them is Axiomatic writing, which Cicero magically deciphers as "The path and gate to the Clockwork Nirvana". Men are bracing a door, grunting.
: The party walks up and is told to move along. When they explain they are adventurers, they are immediately mistaken for another group of adventurers and berated for being twelve hours late. They are, however, promised 2,000 NYGP each for getting rid of the golem inside and retrieving a magical sword. That sounds like ... well, actually, that sounds like more money than they've personally seen in their lives, so fuck yeah they're doing it. The guard asks them for a signal, since they'll have to be shut inside; Ashra knocks out the first four numbers of Xenteroth's Sequence.
: There's a quick golem-centric brainstorm. Ashra remembers what Ethan told her when they were cracking Marcus Fairlan's safe: golems are animated by the word "Emet" in their heads; to deanimate them, remove the "E". However, that's inside the head of a metal golem, so honestly it's probably easier to just beat the everloving shit out of it. They'll be immune or highly resistant to most magic, and their blows will be pretty fucking tough. The guard offers that this golem is a fast little fucker, too. Oh great.
: Well, it's time. The party lines up and Eleven busts down the door. He is immediately greeted by a shiny golem, which falls into fighting stance as he carves into it with his zanbato. Kruglor pushes past Eleven and smacks the golem. Leilah tries to run into the room, but the golem slams her into the ground. Aether, made invisible by Ashra, tumbles past and hits the golem with a powerful sneak attack.
: Ashra looks at the golem and identifies it as a retainer golem. They're generally from Mechanus. This is the bigger golem's little buddy, essentially. On the good side, the party has nearly dropped this one. A few more blows and it goes down.
: The party starts down the spiral staircase to the floor below. Everything in this room is made of mirrors. There is an altar, also covered with mirror ... stuff ..., and one of the pillars holy shit what is that.
: Whatever it is, it finds Aether by the vibrations she makes on the floor, and smashes her into unconsciousness with a few blows. Zaphodel starts running for her as Leilah, Kruglor, Cicero, and Eleven move for the golem. Eleven shoots it and the bullet slams into his own chest. It's a mirror golem. Being from Mechanus, it is also a logic puzzle.
: Kruglor tries eyelasering it at an angle; the holy damage goes through. Cicero guides Eleven to shoot the mirror-covered wall and bounce the bullet back into the golem; that also works. Cicero himself partitions the room with a Wall of Force to allow for more bouncing capabilities. Zaphodel reaches Aether and Heals her.
: Ashra tosses a flask of acid at the mirror golem, remembering that it's possible to etch mirrors with acid. But not this one; the acid is flung back onto her. The golem strikes her and Leilah for good measure; Zaph heals Ashra.
: The golem casts Light on a rock, then slides through the floor to the floor below, where it casts Light on more rocks. Ashra realizes that the golem's mirror powers only function when it can be seen, and yells at the others to cover the light sources. Eleven runs downstairs and puts the glowing rock in his storage compartment, sinking a heavy blow from the golem in return. Cicero peels off his shirt and flings it over the rock on the second story.
: Leilah moves over to the altar, resisting its powerful effects. This altar has been desecrated, covered with a strange quicksilver-like material. She tries to clean it off, but can't; she calls Ashra over.
: Meanwhile, the party downstairs tries to take potshots at the golem and allow Eleven to grab the other light sources.
: Ashra walks over to the altar, pulls out a wand, and casts Chill of the Grave, freezing some of the quicksilver. Leilah decides to hold off on attacking it until Ashra has frozen more of it.
: The golem is sliding between floors, striking people left and right, and tossing around light sources. Cicero gets a terrible, terrible idea. He pulls out his collection of the undergarments of his dwarven conquests and starts firing panties at the rocks to cover them. Everyone else is torn between "wow, that's effective" and "WHAT." He tries to shoot more panties around, and instead gets Darkness cast on himself. Everyone praises his incredible luck. The golem goes up to the second floor and fights Kruglor. Cicero, who can't properly see in this darkness, hangs around and counterspells the golem's casts of Light.
: Ashra tries to freeze the altar again and fails her Will save. She is pulled onto the altar, screaming "Why does this always happen to me?" Gears begin sprouting in her body, fucking up her internal organs. Leilah casts Remove Curse, which is enough to free her, and pulls her up off the altar and to her feet. Ashra mutters her thanks and suggests the two leave the Happy Altar alone for now.
: They've got bigger problems on hand, however; the golem has come over to their corner. It strikes Leilah several times and then slams Ashra into the wall, snapping her leg and nearly killing her. She asks Leilah to heal her and tries Arcane Fire on the golem, which has no effect. Leilah reaches over and uses divine metamagic to quickly heal her before laying into the golem with her sword.
: The golem retaliates; Ashra and Leilah each barely survive. Ashra turns herself invisible and levitates up so that the golem can't find her with tremorsense. Leilah flies into the corner. The golem runs off in search of better opponents. On the lowest floor, the ground begins to shake and tiny rocks begin to fall into the chasm to Mechanus...
: Eleven trades a few blows with the golem, but finds himself near dead and backs off. Somewhere in there his stomach accidentally calls Vishnu. Cicero tries to intimidate it by reading it poetry; the golem is unfazed, but his commanding voice somehow activates a magic circle. The golem zips back down to the lowest floor and casts Light there, where Cicero can't see to counterspell it. Aether runs after and uses her drow SLA to counter the light, then sneak attacks the golem. Eleven walks down and shoots the golem, then runs back upstairs before it can hurt him. Aether barely survives the golem's counterattack. She then attacks it again while Ashra would have been wasting time trying to convince Leilah to take The Green Liquid or Wolves' Milk. (She'd almost said yes!)
: Kruglor wakes up from his nap, strolls down the staircase, and plinks the golem. Everyone cheers and hugs each other. It's gone. They survived.
: There's an inert Deck of Many Things which needs to be arranged into rows by category and columns by causation for the party to proceed. Still bloody and bruised, Leilah and Ashra sit down together and start sorting the cards...
Category: Episodes Category: Season Ten Episodes