Patricia's Big Reveal

Patricia's Big Reveal is the sixth episode of Season One of SpongeBob SquarePants and a Gallon of Milk.
==Transcript==
[The episode begins with an establishing shot of the Krusty Krab. Cut to Squidward at his register, looking bored as usual.]
Squidward: There's nothing happening.
[We hear ruckus from the kitchen, as well as a few yells and screams from SpongeBob.]
Squidward: Out of the ordinary, I mean.
[SpongeBob comes out of the kitchen, sweat dripping from his forehead.]
SpongeBob: Phew! Guess what, Squidward?
[Pause.]
SpongeBob: …guess what?
Squidward: (sigh) What?
SpongeBob: I finally got the–
Squidward: I don't care.
[SpongeBob's ringtone begins to go off.]
SpongeBob: Ooh, Squidward, guess what?!
[Pause.]
SpongeBob: …guess!!
Squidward: WHAT?
SpongeBob: My phone is ringing.
Squidward: I KNOW!!
[SpongeBob answers the phone while Squidward looks visibly frustrated.]
SpongeBob: Hi, how are ya?
[...]
SpongeBob: Oh, hey Patrick, what's up?
[...]
SpongeBob: What's that?
[...]
SpongeBob: You have something you need to share with us?
[...]
SpongeBob: It's serious?
Squidward: That's new for Patrick.
SpongeBob: Hm?
Squidward: Being serious, I mean.
[...]
SpongeBob: Okay, meet us at the Krusty Krab, then.
[SpongeBob hangs up.]
SpongeBob: Patrick sounded a bit different on the phone.
Squidward: Well, I mean, have you ever recorded your voice and played it back to yourself?
SpongeBob: I get what you mean, but… he sounded really different.
Squidward: (mockingly) Oh, maybe that's part of his big serious surprise that he needs to share with us.
SpongeBob: I'm excited to see what he has in store for us!
Squidward: That makes one of us.
[Mr. Krabs's office door slams open. He walks out.]
Mr. Krabs: Hello, I like money.
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, have you heard?
Mr. Krabs: Yes, me boy, I do in fact know that the bird is the word.
SpongeBob: No, Mr. Krabs, Patrick has a surprise he wants to show us.
Mr. Krabs: Surprises?!
[Mr. Krabs has war flashbacks. He almost falls over and starts breathing quickly.]
Mr. Krabs: I hate surprises…
SpongeBob: Oh, don't worry, it's nothing like those tall tales you told us about.
Squidward: That would be a lot more interesting than whatever the hell Patrick has planned, that's for sure.
Mr. Krabs: So when's he comin'?
SpongeBob: He'll be here in a few minutes.
[The doors of the Krusty Krab slam open. A blindingly white light can be seen on the other side, with Patrick's silhouette barely visible.]
SpongeBob: That's what he said on the phone, at least.
Mr. Krabs: WHY THE HELL IS IT SO BRIGHT?!
Squidward: Maybe his "big surprise" is that he bought the world's brightest flashlight.
[Patrick steps forward, still silhouetted against the white light.]
Patrick: Hey guys…
[SpongeBob elbows Squidward in the rib.]
SpongeBob: See? I told you his voice was different.
Mr. Krabs: So, Patrick, what's the big thing you wanted to tell us?
Patrick: Well… you see, I've been thinking a long time about myself, y'know… about who I am. It's been on my mind for a while now, and…I've realized that there's a part of me that I haven't been honest about. It's something that's been weighing on me for a while now, and I feel like I can't keep it a secret anymore.
SpongeBob: Well, what is it?
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, spit it out, me boy.
Patrick: Actually, that's the thing… I'm, uh… not a boy anymore. I'm a girl now.
[Patrick steps forward. Instead of her usual shorts she is wearing a dress with the same pattern that covers her chest. Her face looks a lot more feminine than before, with more defined eyelashes and a smaller mouth. She also has blond hair with a fringe that's long enough to just barely not cover her eyes, and her hair is done up in a ponytail.]
Patrick: My name is Patricia now, and I'd prefer if you refer to me by she/her pronouns going forward.
[Pause. Eventually SpongeBob decides to step forward and break the ice.]
SpongeBob: Patri– (he catches himself) Patricia. I just wanna say, I really wasn't expecting this, but… I'm so proud of you for being open about who you really are. It might take me a while to get used to the new you, but I'll be damned if I'm not gonna accept you for who you are!
Mr. Krabs: …I feel like SpongeBob said it best. That's really brave of you to do, me boy. Or should that be "me girl?" Nevermind, the point is, it takes a lot of courage to come out of the closet, and I'm proud of you for doing so, Patricia. Rest assured that any person, no matter their gender, sexuality, or whatever, is allowed to come into the Krusty Krab, and I'll ensure that it's a safe place for all.
[Squidward, however, laughs on the floor. Everyone looks confused at him.]
Mr. Krabs: Um… what's so funny, me boy?
[Squidward gets up, wiping the tears from his eyes. He catches his breath before responding.]
Squidward: Okay, look, I'm sorry… but this is all just so ridiculous! I mean… Patrick just wakes up in the morning and decides, "I'm gonna be a girl now?" Am I dreaming or something? Is this some sort of prank you guys are playing on me?
[Patricia looks to the floor. SpongeBob lays a hand on her shoulder before looking at Squidward.]
SpongeBob: Oh, don't say that, Squidward! Patricia is our friend, and sure, it may be a little disorienting at first, her being a girl, but we need to try our best to be supportive of who she is now.
Mr. Krabs: Aye, Mr. Squidward. She's still the same person we all know and love. The only difference is how she chooses to present herself to the world.
Squidward: Ha! Yeah, sorry guys, but remember all those times Patrick–
SpongeBob: Patricia.
Squidward: Remember all those times Patrick pretended to be something he's not? He'll be a boy again by the end of the week, if not sooner.
Mr. Krabs: MR. SQUIDWARD!! That kind of language will get you cancelled on Twitter, me boy!
Squidward: Oh, sorry, am I not allowed to have an opinion anymore? Bikini Bottom has gone woke. I read all about it on the chan boards.
SpongeBob: (gasp) NOT THE CHAN BOARDS!!
Mr. Krabs: Well, Mr. Squidward, I'm sorry to say, but if you don't support Patricia for who she is, then… (he points to the door) you can always leave, me boy.
Squidward: You know what? Maybe I will! It's a lot better than being with you idiots anyway!
[Everyone looks as Squidward angrily leaves the establishment.]
Patricia: Man… what happened to Squidward? I know he wasn't always the nicest to me, but… now he's REALLY not being nice to me.
SpongeBob: I dunno, buddy. It takes a while for some people to adapt to change. I am by no means excusing his actions, but… maybe he just needs a little time to get used to it.
Mr. Krabs: Yeah! I may be a necrophile…
[The whole restaurant goes quiet.]
Mr. Krabs: But I draw the line at transphobia.
[The customers resume their chattering and eating and whatever customers do.]
SpongeBob: I sure do hope he comes around, though. I've never seen Squidward this mad, even after The Super Mario Bros. Movie was spoiled for him.
[Cutaway; Squidward is approached by a random background fish.]
Fish: Mario is in the movie.
Squidward: I know your address.
[Cut back]
Mr. Krabs: Aye, that was a dark time, indeed. But this is different, SpongeBob. We need to help Squidward understand and be more accepting. We can't let his transphobic views go unchallenged.
SpongeBob: You're right, Mr. Krabs! We need to find a way to educate him and show him that Patricia's identity is valid and deserving of respect.
Patricia: But how do we do that? Squid seems so set in his ways.
[Suddenly, Sandy bursts through the door.]
Sandy: Did I hear someone needs a crash course in understanding?
Mr. Krabs: Where the f[ough]k did you–
SpongeBob: Sandy, you're a genius! You can help us educate Squidward and open his eyes.
Sandy: You bet I can, SpongeBob. Now, let's put on our thinking caps and come up with a plan.
[Cut to Squidward in his house chatting on incel forums.]
Squidward: (chuckles) These forums are the only place where I can truly express my frustration and disappointment with the world. Finally, a community that understands me!
[The doorbell rings.]
Squidward: And that must be the prostitute I hired.
[Squidward opens the door to find SpongeBob, Patricia, Mr. Krabs, and Sandy standing outside.]
Squidward: Oh, great, if it isn't the woke brigade. I can assure you, your attempts to educate me won't work. I'm impervious to your woke propaganda. Go on and scram, you're gonna scare away the sex worker I hired.
SpongeBob: (determined) Squidward, we're not here to force anything on you. We just want to have a conversation and help you understand Patricia's journey.
Sandy: That's right, Squidward. We're here because we care about our friends, and we believe in acceptance and understanding.
Squidward: (rolls his eyes) Spare me the speeches, you bunch of do-gooders.
Mr. Krabs: Squidward, this isn't about being a do-gooder. It's about recognizing that everyone deserves respect and support, including Patricia. It's not too late for you to change your perspective.
Squidward: (defensive) Yeah, like I'm gonna let the necrophile educate me.
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, I'm a necrophile, but at least I'm not a transphobic necrophile.
[SpongeBob takes a step forward, looking earnestly at Squidward.]
SpongeBob: Squidward, I know this may be hard for you, but try to put yourself in Patricia's shoes. Imagine if you had been struggling with your identity for a long time, feeling like you couldn't truly be yourself. Wouldn't you want your friends to support you?
[Squidward pauses, a flicker of contemplation crossing his face.]
Squidward: Look, I get it. It's important to support our friends, but I just don't understand all this gender stuff. It's confusing to me.
[Sandy steps forward.]
Sandy: Well, Squidward, maybe it's time we demystify the concept of gender for you. Gender is more than just what we see on the surface. It's about how people identify and express themselves, whether they feel like they are male, female, or something else entirely. It's about being true to oneself and finding happiness in one's own identity.
[Squidward remains skeptical but appears slightly more engaged.]
Squidward: So, what you're saying is that Patricia feels happier and more authentic as a woman?
Sandy: Exactly! Patricia's journey is about self-discovery and embracing her true identity. It takes a lot of courage to be true to oneself, and she deserves our support and respect.
[SpongeBob adds with enthusiasm.]
SpongeBob: And Squidward, think about it this way: Supporting Patricia doesn't take anything away from you. It's not about you giving up anything. It's simply about being there for a friend and showing empathy and understanding.
[Squidward crosses his arms.]
Squidward: Alright, alright, I suppose I can give it a shot. But don't expect me to change my mind overnight.
[SpongeBob, Patricia, Sandy, and Mr. Krabs exchange relieved glances.]
SpongeBob: That's all we ask for, Squidward. Just keep an open mind and give Patricia the respect she deserves. We're here to support you too.
[Squidward nods begrudgingly.]
Squidward: Fine, I'll try. But if this turns out to be some elaborate prank, I won't be held responsible for my actions.
[They all share a group hug, with Squidward being the last to join in reluctantly. The scene fades out as they continue their conversation, determined to foster understanding and acceptance.]
Time Card: THE NEXT DAY…
[Inside the Krusty Krab, SpongeBob comes in to start a new shift.]
SpongeBob: Oh, how I love being a part of the oppressed working class!
[Squidward walks in as well, looking more calm than usual.]
Squidward: Hey, SpongeBob? I just wanna say something to you real quick.
SpongeBob: Yuh?
Squidward: I just wanted to thank you for opening my eyes yesterday. I thought about what you guys said overnight, and I completely understand now. Just because Patricia is a woman now, that doesn't mean she's any less of a person than before.
[Mr. Krabs walks out of his office.]
Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward, you are officially based.
Squidward: I know it's cheesy, but thank you all for making me realize the truth. You know, I don't know what I was cooking back there. Transphobes are the real losers. And furthermore–
[Patrick walks in, back in his usual attire.]
Squidward: …what.
SpongeBob: Uh, Patricia, what's with the–
Patrick: Oh, yeah, it's a little awkward, but… after an entire day of being a girl, I realized it just didn't feel right. So I just kinda pulled a NotJoe and untransitioned.
[Pause.]
Squidward: So you mean to say… that entire conversation… all those pamphlets… all those PowerPoint presentations… they were all FOR NOTHING?!
Patrick: Pretty much, yeah.
[Another pause. Squidward takes a deep breath.]
Squidward: Alright, I'm out.
[Squidward walks out of the Krusty Krab. After a few seconds, Pearl walks in and faces Mr. Krabs.]
Pearl: Dad, I think I'm lesbian.
Patrick: That's f*cking stupid.
[End.]
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