Scott Pilgrim vs. the World/Transcript

SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD
 Written by
 Edgar Wright & Michael Bacall
 Based On The Graphic Novels by
 Bryan Lee O'Malley
 May 13, 2010 
 
 
 
 1 EXT. TORONTO RESIDENTIAL STREET - DAY 1
 Snowy suburbs of Toronto. From a nondescript house we hear:
 KIM PINE (O.S.)
 Scott Pilgrim is dating a high schooler?
 2 INT. STEPHEN STILLS' KITCHEN - DAY 2
 Four twenty-somethings lounge around a small kitchen table.
 STEPHEN STILLS, 25, shaggy hair, Canadian Cowboy chic.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 Really? Is she hot?
 KIM PINE, 22, cute, bitter, sweatshirt with a zipper.
 KIM PINE
 How old are you now, Scott? Like
 twenty-eight?
 SCOTT
 I'm not playing your little games.
 KIM PINE
 So you've been out of high school
 for like, 13 years and-
 SCOTT (O.S.)
 I'm twenty-two. Twenty-two!
 STEPHEN STILLS
 And you're dating a high school
 girl? Not bad, not bad.
 YOUNG NEIL, 20, simple mind, layered T-shirts.
 YOUNG NEIL
 Like, did you guys 'do it' yet?
 SCOTT PILGRIM, 22, fresh faced and charmingly cocky with an
 unruly yet adorable mop of hair.
 SCOTT
 We have done many things. We ride
 the bus. We have meaningful
 conversations about how yearbook
 club went and about her friends
 and, um...you know...drama.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 Yeah, okay, have you even kissed her?
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 1A.
 2 CONTINUED: 2
 SCOTT
 We almost held hands once, but then
 she got embarrassed.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 2.
 2 CONTINUED: (2) 2
 KIM PINE
 Well. Aren't you pleased as punch?
 STEPHEN STILLS
 So, what's her name?
 SCOTT
 (pleased as punch)
 Knives Chau. She's Chinese.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 (under his breath)
 Chinese...
 Young Neil pauses his Nintendo DS.
 YOUNG NEIL
 Wicked! How'd you meet her?
 SCOTT
 I believe I mentioned the bus?
 Scott Pilgrim prepares to tell an amazing story:
 3 INT. THE BUS - NIGHT 3
 KNIVES CHAU, 17, cute and innocent with clothes to match,
 sits next to her mother, MOTHER CHAU, 45, demanding.
 MOTHER CHAU
 You are seventeen year old! Time to
 get interested in boy!
 KNIVES CHAU
 Mom!
 Knives DROPS her bag, books scattering everywhere.
 MOTHER CHAU
 You drop book.
 Knives crouches down to pick up her books, grumbling.
 SCOTT (O.S.)
 Hey...
 Knives looks up to see the cute and gallant SCOTT PILGRIM
 holding her books. TEXT appears in an on-screen box:
 "SCOTT PILGRIM, 22 YEARS OLD, RATING: AWESOME."
 Stars appear in Knives's eyes. Scott grins heroically. Scott
 winks at Knives. Scott winks at the camera.
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 2A.
 4 INT. STEPHEN STILLS' KITCHEN - DAY 4
 Back in the kitchen, everyone looks at Scott...
 KIM PINE
 Is that seriously the end of the story?
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 3.
 4 CONTINUED: 4
 SCOTT
 Yes. It is.
 Young Neil unpauses his Nintendo DS.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 So when do we get to meet her?
 KIM PINE
 Oh please. Let it be soon.
 DINGY DONG! The doorbell rings. Scott smiles broadly.
 SCOTT
 That's for me.
 5 INT/EXT. STEPHEN STILLS' HOUSE - DAY 5
 An eager Knives stands outside. Scott opens the door a crack.
 SCOTT
 You promise to be good?
 KNIVES CHAU
 Of course I'll be good!
 SCOTT
 No, really. Please be good.
 KNIVES CHAU
 Am I normally not?
 Stephen Stills comes to the door and peers through.
 SCOTT
 Oh, hey. Knives, this is Stephen
 Stills. He's the talent.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 Hey.
 STILLS shuts the door on a confused Knives.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 Is she gonna geek out on us?
 SCOTT
 She'll just sit in the corner, man.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 I mean, I want her to geek out on us.
 SCOTT
 She'll geek. She geeks. She has the
 capacity to geek.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 3A.
 5 CONTINUED: 5
 Stephen Stills quickly opens the door and waves Knives in.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 4.
 5 CONTINUED: (2) 5
 STEPHEN STILLS
 You're good.
 6 INT. STEPHEN STILLS' HOUSE - DAY 6
 Knives enters, looking around the rehearsal pad with awe:
 Bare bulb, ratty rug, drums, guitar, bass, LAME BRAND amps.
 KNIVES CHAU
 Wow.
 SCOTT
 Knives, that's Kim. Lemme get your coat.
 Scott throws Knives' coat on the floor. Knives waves.
 KNIVES CHAU
 Hi, sorry, what was your name?
 KIM PINE (O.S.)
 Kim.
 KNIVES CHAU
 You play the drums?
 REVEAL Kim sitting behind the drumset, sticks in her hands.
 KIM PINE
 ...yes.
 KNIVES CHAU
 That is so awesome.
 SCOTT
 Knives, that's Young Neil.
 KNIVES CHAU
 Hi. What do you play?
 YOUNG NEIL
 Uh, wow...Zelda...Tetris...that's
 kind of a big question.
 Knives stares blankly at Young Neil, who finally gets it.
 YOUNG NEIL
 Oh. I'm not in the band. I just
 live here.
 Sex Bob-Omb has geared up. Amps hum to life.
 SCOTT
 Let's start with Launchpad McQuack.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 That's not the actual title of the-
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 5.
 6 CONTINUED: 6
 KIM PINE
 WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB! 1-2-3-4!
 Kim BASHES the kit and Sex Bob-Omb EXPLODE INTO ROCK! GUITAR
 AND BASS LEADS LEAP INTO THE AIR, SPELLING OUT OUR TITLE...
 SCOTT PILGRIM VS THE WORLD
 TITLES continue over the song as the small rehearsal space
 seems to GROW with the music. Stephen Stills barks
 unintelligable lyrics.
 Knives watches, jaw ajar. The song ends, feedback lingering.
 KNIVES CHAU
 You guys...are so...amazing.
 7 EXT. BUS STOP - EVENING 7
 Scott bids adieu to a stunned Knives as she gets on a bus.
 KNIVES CHAU
 I can't even...Sex Bob-Omb.
 Amazing.
 8 INT. STEPHEN STILLS' ROOM - EVENING 8
 The band and Young Neil lounge around Stephen Stills' room.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 She seems nice.
 SCOTT
 Yeaaah.
 YOUNG NEIL
 She seems awesome.
 SCOTT
 Yeaaah.
 KIM PINE
 Scott, if your life had a face I
 would punch it.
 SCOTT
 Yeaaah...wait, what?
 KIM PINE
 I mean, are you really happy or are
 you really evil?
 SCOTT
 Like, do I have ulterior motives or
 something? I'm offended, Kim.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 6.
 8 CONTINUED: 8
 STEPHEN STILLS
 Wounded even?
 SCOTT
 Hurt, Kim.
 KIM PINE
 You? Hurt?
 Scott takes a breath, turns to Young Neil.
 SCOTT
 Neil, you were saying she seems awesome.
 YOUNG NEIL
 Yeah, she seems awesome.
 SCOTT
 Yeaaaah...
 9 INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - EVENING 9
 Scott hangs his coat up in a tiny, one room apartment. He
 turns to WALLACE WELLS, dark hair, arched eyebrow, disloyal.
 "WALLACE WELLS, ROOMMATE, 24 YEARS OLD, FUN FACT: HE IS GAY!"
 SCOTT
 Before you hear some dirty lies
 from someone else, yes, I'm dating
 a 17 year old.
 Wallace looks up from the NOW magazine he's reading.
 WALLACE
 Is he cute?
 SCOTT
 Ha, ha, ha, ha.
 WALLACE
 Does this mean we have to stop
 sleeping together?
 SCOTT
 Do you see another bed in here?
 TINY BOXES OF TEXT indicate the ownership of the items in the
 one room flat: 95% belongs to Wallace, FUTON included.
 WALLACE
 Yeah. You're totally my bitch forever.
 SCOTT
 So. The whole seventeen year old
 thing. Don't tell too many people.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 6A.
 9 CONTINUED: 9
 WALLACE
 Hey, you know me.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 7.
 9 CONTINUED: (2) 9
 SCOTT
 I mean. Don't tell my sister.
 WALLACE
 You know me.
 Wallace tosses the NOW magazine aside, starts texting.
 SCOTT
 Who are you texting?
 RINGY RING. The phone goes. Scott picks up.
 STACEY (O.S.)
 Seventeen years old? Scandal!
 Intercut with STACEY PILGRIM, cute, peppy barista, gabbing on
 her cellphone in THE SECOND CUP. A sign behind her reads '�If
 you are using your cellphone, you will not be served'�.
 "STACEY PILGRIM, YOUNGER SISTER, 19, RATING: 'T' FOR TEEN."
 SCOTT
 That's not true. Who told you?
 STACEY
 Wallace. Duh.
 SCOTT
 That gossipy bitch.
 WALLACE (O.S.)
 You know me.
 Scott turns to see Wallace on a second cordless.
 SCOTT
 Wallace!
 Wallace clicks off. Scott sinks into an armchair.
 STACEY
 Who is this mysterious child you date?
 SCOTT
 Her name is Knives. Knives Chau.
 STACEY
 A seventeen year old Chinese
 schoolgirl? You're ridiculous.
 SCOTT
 It's a Catholic school too.
 STACEY
 With the uniform and everything?
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 8.
 9 CONTINUED: (3) 9
 SCOTT
 Yeah, the whole deal.
 STACEY
 Oh my God, you haven't-
 SCOTT
 No no no. We haven't even held
 hands. I think she hugged me once.
 STACEY
 Um, Scott. Why are you doing this?
 SCOTT
 I don't know...it's just nice, you
 know? It's just...simple.
 STACEY
 It's been over a year since you got
 dumped by she-who-will-not-be-named.
 Scott glances down at the partially obscured NOW magazine,
 looking into the HOT GIRL'S EYES on the back cover album ad.
 STACEY (CONT'D)
 So, are you legitimately moving on,
 or is this just you being insane?
 Scott looks at a strip of photobooth pictures: he smiles next
 to a hot redhead in happier times.
 SCOTT
 Can I get back to you on that?
 A SCHOOL BELL clangs loudly...
 10 EXT. CATHOLIC SCHOOL - DAY 10
 Wallace and Scott stand outside a CATHOLIC HIGH SCHOOL.
 Uniformed boys and girls pour out.
 WALLACE
 I do not want to be here. At all.
 SCOTT
 This school has boys too.
 WALLACE
 I hate you. Even I would think twice
 about dating a seventeen year old.
 SCOTT
 Well, she's only allowed out when
 the sun is up, so I wouldn't call
 it dating, more like...
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 8A.
 10 CONTINUED: 10
 WALLACE
 Playtime?
 SCOTT
 That doesn't sound so good either.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 9.
 10 CONTINUED: (2) 10
 KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
 Scott! Heyyyy!
 Knives skips to Scott. Her shy friend TAMARA lingers behind.
 SCOTT
 Hey Knives, this is my cool gay
 roommate, Wallace Wells. He's gay.
 KNIVES CHAU
 Oh, hi! Do you want to know who in
 my class is gay?
 WALLACE
 Yes. Does he wear glasses?
 SCOTT
 Wallace, you go now! Begone!
 Wallace pulls Knives close. Whispers.
 WALLACE
 You're too good for him. Run.
 11 INT. THE ARCADE - DAY 11
 Scott and Knives play NINJA NINJA REVOLUTION (think a martial
 arts version of DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION).
 They punch and kick in unison, side by side.
 SCOTT
 Did you know the original name of Pac-
 man was Puck-man? You would think it's
 because Pac-Man looks like a yellow
 hockey puck, but actually it comes
 from the Japanese phrase paku-paku
 which means to flap ones mouth open
 and closed. They changed it over here
 because Puck-Man is too easy to
 vandalize. You know, scratch out the P
 and turn it into an F or whatever?
 Knives flips over Scott's back in a COMBO move.
 KNIVES CHAU
 Ohmigod, like...wow.
 SCOTT
 Yeah. Wow.
 The game ends. CONTINUE appears, counting down: 10...9...8...
 Scott looks at Knives. She digs for quarters.
 KNIVES CHAU
 Oh, I got it!
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 10.
 12 EXT. "PIZZA PIZZA" - DAY 12
 Scott and Knives leave a pizza joint, slices in hand.
 KNIVES CHAU
 Tamara is into this Korean guy,
 Bobby, but everyone thinks Bobby
 has a crush on Mina.
 SCOTT
 I thought Derek and Tamara had a
 mutual like-each-other thing going,
 what happened?
 A13 INT. THE GOODWILL - DAY A13
 Scott and Knives shop for T-shirts. Hangers click in time.
 KNIVES CHAU
 I don't listen to much music. I
 know a lot of kids who play piano
 or whatever, but you guys ROCK.
 SCOTT
 I knew I personally rocked, but I
 never suspected that we rocked as a
 unit. Thank you, Knives.
 13 INT. SONIC BOOM (RECORD STORE) - DAY 13
 Scott and Knives flip through records in perfect sync.
 KNIVES CHAU
 I mean, you guys are gonna be HUGE.
 SCOTT
 Well, we're already pretty big. But
 it might be cool if cool people
 wore our T-shirt.
 Knives speaks to a female clerk, surly with tats and specs:
 "JULIE, 22, STILLS' GIRLFRIEND, RATING: WHAT IS HER PROBLEM?"
 KNIVES CHAU
 Excuse me, do you have anything by
 'The Clash At Demonhead'?
 JULIE
 Have you tried the section marked
 'The Clash At Demonhead'?
 SCOTT
 Thank you, Julie.
 JULIE
 Are you coming to my party Friday
 or will you be busy babysitting?
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 10A.
 13 CONTINUED: 13
 SCOTT
 Thank you, Julie.
 (TO KNIVES)
 You don't want to listen to her.
 (MORE)
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 11.
 13 CONTINUED: (2) 13
 SCOTT (CONT'D)
 And you definitely don't want to
 listen to them.
 Scott puts The Clash at Demonhead CD back in the rack.
 KNIVES CHAU
 Oh, I heart them so much.
 SCOTT
 I hearted them too until they signed
 to a major label and the singer turned
 into a total bitch and ruined my life.
 But that's just me.
 KNIVES CHAU
 (OBLIVIOUS)
 Envy Adams is sooo cool. Do you
 read her blog?
 SCOTT
 Sorry, you were saying about me?
 14 EXT. SNOWY TORONTO STREET - DAY 14
 Scott and Knives amble down a snow covered sidewalk.
 KNIVES CHAU
 I mean, I've...I've never gone out
 with someone so talented.
 SCOTT
 You go out with a lot of guys?
 KNIVES CHAU
 ...no.
 SCOTT
 Yeah, so whatever, man!
 KNIVES CHAU
 I've never even kissed a guy.
 Knives blushes and looks at the ground. Scott hugs her.
 SCOTT
 Me neither.
 15 EXT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - DAY 15
 Scott and Knives walk up to the front of Wallace's apartment.
 KNIVES CHAU
 So this is your secret lair? Can I
 come in?
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 12.
 15 CONTINUED: 15
 SCOTT
 My secret lair is one of those 'no
 girls allowed' deals.
 KNIVES CHAU
 Oh, okay.
 SCOTT
 But do you want to see the house
 where I grew up?
 KNIVES CHAU
 Sure.
 They literally walk across the street to a small house.
 SCOTT
 Here you go.
 KNIVES CHAU
 Wow.
 SCOTT
 Yeah. Wow.
 Wind blows. The light snowfall turns into sand...
 16 EXT. THE DREAM DESERT - HOTTEST DAY 16
 ...Scott wanders alone through a barren land. He falls to his
 knees next to a lonely cactus.
 SCOTT
 Oh God...so...so alone.
 A MYSTERIOUS GIRL rollerblades across the shifting sands. She
 wears fishnets, an army jacket, skirt and goggles. Her pink
 hair is funky but cool. She is hotter than the desert sun.
 MYSTERIOUS GIRL
 You're not alone. You're just
 having some idiotic dream.
 SCOTT
 Does that mean we can make out?
 But she's gone...
 17 INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - ? 17
 ...SCOTT WAKES UP, sitting up in the FUTON.
 SCOTT
 Oh God...
 Wallace wakes up to the left of Scott, rubbing his eyes.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 13.
 17 CONTINUED: 17
 WALLACE
 What is it, Scott?
 SCOTT
 I had this totally weird dream.
 OTHER VOICE
 Oh God.
 WALLACE
 What is it, Scott?
 A scruffy, goateed guy wakes right between Scott and Wallace:
 "OTHER SCOTT, 22, WALLACE'S BOYFRIEND? FUN FACT: GUY CURIOUS"
 OTHER SCOTT
 Can we skip the dreamtime? Color me
 not interested.
 SCOTT
 But there was this girl...
 WALLACE
 Girl?
 OTHER SCOTT
 Was this an Envy related dream?
 WALLACE
 We don't use the E-word in this house.
 SCOTT
 No, it wasn't her. It was somebody new...
 OTHER SCOTT
 Yay for that.
 Other Scott goes back to sleep. Wallace rubs his eyes.
 WALLACE
 Speaking of new, weren't you
 supposed to take your fake high
 school girlfriend to the library a
 half-hour ago?
 SCOTT
 What? It's like, six in the morning.
 Scott opens the bathroom door. Sunlight ignites the room.
 SCOTT (CONT'D)
 Arrrrgh!
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 13A.
 18 INT. THE LIBRARY - DAY 18
 KNIVES CHAU
 What's wrong?
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 14.
 18 CONTINUED: 18
 Scott is noticeably taller than all the teens in the library.
 He carries a stack of books for Knives.
 SCOTT
 Libraries remind me of grade school.
 KNIVES CHAU
 That must seem like a reeeeally
 long time ago.
 SCOTT
 Uh. Let's talk about something else.
 The hiss of ball bearings catches Scott's attention. He
 freezes as he sees THE ROLLERBLADING GIRL FROM HIS DREAM
 skating towards the desk in SEXALICIOUS SLOW MOTION.
 KNIVES CHAU
 Do you know that girl?
 The Rollerblading Girl delivers a package from AMAZON.CA to
 the librarian. Scott's gaze follows the GIRL as she blades
 out of the library. Pensive guitar underscores his thoughts.
 KNIVES CHAU
 Scott?
 Scott continues to stare at the girl. Time slows to a crawl.
 STEPHEN STILLS (O.S.)
 SCOTT!
 19 INT. STEPHEN STILLS' HOUSE - EVENING 19
 Scott stands in the rehearsal room, head still in the clouds.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 You only played one note for that
 entire song.
 SCOTT
 It was...uh...my hand slipped.
 KIM PINE
 Is your girlfriend distracting you?
 SCOTT
 My girlfriend?
 A meek Knives sits next to Young Neil on the couch.
 KNIVES CHAU
 I'll... I'll be quieter.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 Let's do that one again.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 15.
 19 CONTINUED: 19
 SCOTT
 Sorry, what are we doing?
 20 EXT. TORONTO RESIDENTIAL STREET - NIGHT 20
 STEPHEN STILLS
 I told you like fifty times!
 Scott, Kim Pine, Stephen Stills and Young Neil walk down an
 icy Toronto street. Scott's head is still in the clouds.
 KIM PINE
 We're going to this party, retard.
 SCOTT
 Party?
 YOUNG NEIL
 At Julie's.
 SCOTT
 Ugh. I thought you guys split.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 We did. But, you know, there may be
 some label guys there, so...
 SCOTT
 Aw, man. This is going to suck.
 KIM PINE
 At least it will give us something
 to complain about.
 SCOTT
 Awww maaan...
 21 INT. JULIE'S HOUSE - NIGHT 21
 A bored Scott stands next to Young Neil in a very crowded
 house party. Both have red plastic cups in hand.
 SCOTT
 ...this sucks.
 YOUNG NEIL
 Sucks.
 SCOTT
 I'm going to go pee due to boredom.
 Scott exits frame.
 YOUNG NEIL
 I have to pee.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 15A.
 21 CONTINUED: 21
 Neil sips his drink.
 Scott passes by COMEAU, a bespectacled hipster geek:
 '�COMEAU, 25, FUN FACT: KNOWS EVERYONE (INCLUDING YOU)'
 SCOTT
 Hey Comeau.
 COMEAU
 Hey Scott. Some party huh? You
 gettin' your drink on?
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 16.
 21 CONTINUED: (2) 21
 SCOTT
 This is Coke Zero. I don't drink.
 COMEAU
 You don't drink? I remember you
 getting ridiculously drunk off two
 G&T's one time and-
 SCOTT
 (QUICKLY)
 Comeau, you know everyone, right?
 COMEAU
 Pretty much.
 SCOTT
 Do you know this one girl with hair
 like this?
 Scott sketches an incomprehensible drawing of Ramona.
 COMEAU
 Yeah man. Ramona Flowers. Someone
 said she was coming tonight actually.
 SCOTT
 WHAT?
 COMEAU
 You got the hots for her? I hear
 she's hardcore...
 Scott has already left a Scott-shaped dust cloud...
 22 INT. JULIE'S HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER 22
 Scott scans the party. His eyes go WIDE. He CRUSHES his
 plastic cup. There she is...playing the wall...RAMONA! Aloof.
 Enigmatic. Hot. Scott sidles up and stands next to her.
 SCOTT
 Hey, what's up?
 RAMONA
 Nothing.
 SCOTT
 Hey, you know Pacman?
 RAMONA
 I know of him.
 Scott begins to babble.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 17.
 22 CONTINUED: 22
 SCOTT
 Well you know Pac-Man was
 originally Puckman but not because
 Pac-Man looks like a hockey puck
 and paku-paku-paku means flapping
 your mouth and they changed it
 because if you scratch out the "P"
 and turn it into an "F'�? You know?
 Like...
 RAMONA
 Yeah that's amazing.
 SCOTT
 Um...am I dreaming?
 Ramona looks at Scott blankly. He slowly skulks away.
 SCOTT (CONT'D)
 I'll leave you alone forever now.
 "THEN HE STALKED HER FOR THE REST OF THE PARTY..."
 Series of quick shots as Scott follows Ramona. He ducks
 around corners, spies from behind a much bigger dude. Ramona
 leaves the party. Scott grabs a startled Young Neil.
 SCOTT
 DUDE!
 YOUNG NEIL
 WHA?
 SCOTT
 SHE'S TOTALLY REAL!
 YOUNG NEIL
 WHO!?
 STEPHEN STILLS
 RAMONA FLOWERS!
 YOUNG NEIL
 WHUH?
 JUMP CUT. Scott RUNS towards Comeau.
 SCOTT
 DUDE. What do you know about Ramona
 Flowers?!
 COMEAU
 All I know is she's American.
 SCOTT
 (EXOTICALLY)
 American...
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 17A.
 22 CONTINUED: (2) 22
 COMEAU
 But you should talk to Sandra and
 MONIQUE-
 "SANDRA AND MONIQUE, 24, TWO GIRLS COMEAU KNOWS"
 SCOTT
 LADYDUDES! What do you know about
 Ramona Flowers?
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 18.
 22 CONTINUED: (3) 22
 MONIQUE
 I think she has a boyfriend.
 SANDRA
 Some guy back in New York.
 MONIQUE
 Doesn't she have the most
 ridiculous name?
 SANDRA
 I know. It's so '�Ramona Quimby,
 Aged 8'� and yet...Flowers.
 The girls laugh. Scott does not.
 SCOTT
 Yeah. What else?
 JUMP CUT through a FLURRY OF FACES as Scott asks everyone
 ABOUT RAMONA:
 PARTYGOER #1
 I heard she kicks all kind of ass.
 PARTYGOER #2
 She's on another level.
 PARTYGOER #3
 She's got men dying at her feet.
 PARTYGOER #4
 She's got some battle scars.
 PARTYGOER #5
 Not to be entered into lightly
 We end on the surly JULIE (the rude clerk) who steps in front
 of Scott, arms crossed. Stephen Stills is with her.
 JULIE
 What about Ramona Flowers?
 SCOTT
 You know her? Tell me. Now.
 JULIE
 She just moved here. Got a job with
 Amazon. Comes into my work.
 SCOTT
 Does she really?
 STEPHEN STILLS
 Didn't you say she just broke up
 with someone, Jools?
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 18A.
 22 CONTINUED: (4) 22
 SCOTT
 Did she reeally?
 STEPHEN STILLS
 That they had a huge fight or whatever?
 SCOTT
 Did they reeeally?
 JULIE
 ...yes. But I didn't want Scott to
 know that, Stephen.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 19.
 22 CONTINUED: (5) 22
 SCOTT
 Yeah, I don't know what it is about
 that girl, she just-
 JULIE
 Scott, I forbid you from hitting on
 Ramona. Even if you haven't had a
 real girlfriend in over a year-
 STEPHEN STILLS
 Hey whoa, whoa. Scott's mourning
 period is officially over. He's
 totally dating a high schooler.
 JULIE
 Dating a high schooler is the
 mourning period.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 She's got a point.
 SCOTT
 I thought you guys broke up.
 JULIE
 I don't want you scaring off the
 coolest girl at my party Scott. We
 all know you're a total lady killer
 wannabe jerky jerk.
 SCOTT
 That's garbage! Completely untrue.
 JULIE
 That time with Lisa-
 SCOTT
 Misunderstanding.
 JULIE
 That time with Hollie-
 SCOTT
 Not what it looked like!
 JULIE
 That time you dumped Kim for-
 SCOTT
 Hey, me and Kim are all good now.
 SCOTT looks to KIM. We hear the sound of arctic winds.
 JULIE
 Whatever, Ramona is out of your
 league, let's leave it at that.
 (MORE)
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 20.
 22 CONTINUED: (6) 22
 JULIE (CONT'D)
 And anyway, I'm not even sure she
 really did have a big breakup. She
 keeps mentioning some guy named
 Gideon.
 SCOTT
 (NOT LISTENING)
 Yeah, I don't know what it is about
 that girl, she just-
 JULIE
 Forget it Scott!!!
 23 INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 23
 Scott lies on the futon, WIDE awake. Wallace storms in.
 WALLACE
 Guess who's druuunk?
 SCOTT
 I guess Wallace.
 WALLACE
 You guess right.
 Wallace flops onto the futon, landing next to Scott.
 SCOTT
 So, that girl. From my dream.
 WALLACE
 Girl. Okay...
 SCOTT
 I saw her at the library...
 WALLACE
 Library...can I pretend we're
 talking about a guy?
 SCOTT
 So then I'm at this party, and hey!
 There she is.
 WALLACE
 There he is.
 SCOTT
 I think she's...
 WALLACE
 You think he's...
 SCOTT
 I think she's the girl of my dreams.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 21.
 23 CONTINUED: 23
 WALLACE
 Mmm. Then you should break up with
 your fake high school girlfriend.
 SCOTT
 I've never been so sure about
 something.
 WALLACE
 Then you should break up with your
 fake high school girlfriend.
 SCOTT
 What's that?
 WALLACE
 Break...up...fake...high
 school...girlfriend...
 SCOTT
 I'm not getting it, friend.
 Wallace drifts off. RINGY RING! Scott answers. INTERCUT with
 STACEY sitting on a bus on her cellphone.
 STACEY
 You're thinking of juggling two chicks!?
 SCOTT
 Not even!
 STACEY
 Well, you should break up with your
 fake high school girlfriend.
 SCOTT
 Wait. Who told you?
 STACEY
 Duh. Wallace.
 SCOTT
 He's not even conscious!
 STACEY
 Whatever. You of all people should know
 how sucky it is to get cheated on.
 SCOTT
 Don't you have a job to do?
 STACEY
 You're right. I should send out a
 mass text about this. Bye.
 Scott looks to Wallace, who is out cold, cellphone in hand.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 22.
 23 CONTINUED: (2) 23
 SCOTT
 Wallace, how do you do that?
 HARD CUT to MORNING LIGHT filling the room!
 SCOTT (O.S.)
 WALLACE!
 Wallace sits bolt upright. Scott sits at Wallace's computer.
 SCOTT (CONT'D)
 Amazon.ca. What's the website for that?
 WALLACE
 ...Amazon.ca.
 SCOTT
 Awesome! I have to order something
 reeeally cool.
 COMPUTER
 "You've got mail!"
 SCOTT
 Dude! This thing claims I have mail!
 WALLACE
 It's amazing what they can do with
 computers these days.
 SCOTT
 Dude! Now I'm reading it!
 WALLACE
 I'm so happy for you.
 SCOTT
 "Dear Mr. Pilgrim, It has come to
 my attention that we will be
 fighting soon. My name is Matthew
 Patel, and I'm" blah blah '�fair
 warning'� blah blah...hmm. This
 is...this is...THIS IS...!!!
 WALLACE
 WHAT?!
 SCOTT
 This is boring. Delete!
 '�CLICK.'� Scott walks to the front door. Moments pass.
 WALLACE
 Scott. Are you waiting for the
 package you just ordered?
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 22A.
 23 CONTINUED: (3) 23
 SCOTT
 Maybe.
 WALLACE
 It's the weekend. It won't ship
 until Monday at the earliest.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 23.
 23 CONTINUED: (4) 23
 DINGY DONG. Scott JUMPS to his feet.
 SCOTT
 You were saying?
 Scott opens the door. It's KNIVES CHAU!
 SCOTT
 Heyyy...
 KNIVES CHAU
 Attack hug!
 Knives smothers Scott.
 SCOTT
 Attack hug. That's cute.
 He plasters on his best fake smile.
 KNIVES CHAU
 Remember you were supposed to meet
 me at the bus stop a half-hour ago?
 SCOTT
 How could I possibly forget?
 24 INT. SONIC BOOM - DAY 24
 Scott and Knives flip through the record bins, out of sync.
 KNIVES CHAU
 Yearbook club is getting SO boring.
 I cannot believe the music they put
 on while we work.
 SCOTT
 That's sucky.
 25 INT. THE GOODWILL - DAY 25
 Knives buys a hip and trendy jacket. Scott sits on a couch
 next to the DO NOT SIT sign, still distracted.
 KNIVES CHAU
 Hannah broke up with Alan and now
 she's all into Derek...
 SCOTT
 Uh huh.
 26 EXT. PIZZA PIZZA - DAY 26
 Scott and Knives walk out of a pizza joint. Knives chows down
 on a slice. Scott doesn't eat, his thoughts elsewhere.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 23A.
 26 CONTINUED: 26
 KNIVES CHAU
 ...but Tamara claims she has dibs
 on Derek.
 SCOTT
 I tell ya'.
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 24.
 27 INT. THE ARCADE - DAY 27
 Scott and Knives play NINJA NINJA REVOLUTION, side by side.
 Scott plays halfheartedly, his timing off.
 KNIVES CHAU
 Combo!
 Knives goes to flip over Scott, but he messes up. THE MIRROR
 IMAGE of Scott's videogame avatar appears on screen.
 KNIVES CHAU
 Uh oh, NegaNinja.
 NEGANINJA - squares up against Scott's avatar.
 SCOTT
 I can never get past that guy.
 Scott has his little videogame head cut off. The '�CONTINUE?'�
 countdown comes up...10...9...8...
 KNIVES CHAU
 Do you want to keep going?
 Scott takes a long look at Knives.
 SCOTT
 Um, I think...I think...
 Scott takes a deep breath. This is never easy. 3...2...1...
 28 INT. STEPHEN STILLS' HOUSE - EVENING 28
 STEPHEN STILLS
 Game on, everybody. Game. On.
 An excited Stills addresses Sex Bob-Omb. Scott tunes his
 bass, alone by the window, staring out.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 I got us a show.
 KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
 OH MY GOSH WHEN?!
 Knives BURSTS into frame. Scott winces.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 Wednesday, The Rockit. And even
 better? It's the T.I.B.B.
 KNIVES CHAU
 The Toronto International Battle of
 The Bands?!
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 25.
 28 CONTINUED: 28
 STEPHEN STILLS
 S'right. This guy at work was like
 "Steve, do you know anyone in a
 band?" and I was like '�I'm in a
 band'� and he was like '�You're in a
 band?'� and I was like '�Yeah I'm
 totally in a band'�-
 KIM PINE
 Great story, man.
 KNIVES CHAU
 Is there a prize or something?!
 STEPHEN STILLS
 Only a record deal with G-man Graves!
 SCOTT
 What? Who?
 KNIVES CHAU
 You don't know?
 STEPHEN STILLS
 Indie Producer of the millennium?!
 SCOTT
 Oh.
 YOUNG NEIL
 Whoa.
 Stills gestures to Knives' home-made Sex Bob-Omb T-shirt.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 If we win...it won't just be Knives
 wearing a Sex Bob-Omb shirt. It'll
 be the cool kids too.
 Knives can barely contain herself. She grabs Scott.
 KNIVES CHAU
 I will do everything I can to get
 out of study group and come.
 SCOTT
 Sure. Great.
 We follow Scott as he walks in a daze to the bathroom.
 KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
 Oh my gosh, who are you battling?
 STEPHEN STILLS (O.S.)
 Crash and the Boys.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 25A.
 28 CONTINUED: (2) 28
 YOUNG NEIL (O.S.)
 That one band with Crash? And
 those Boys?
 KIM PINE
 Yeah that's the one.
 YOUNG NEIL
 I hate them!
 KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
 Oh my gosh, I hate them too!
 STEPHEN STILLS (O.S.)
 Yeah, they suck.
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 26.
 29 INT. STEPHEN STILLS' HOUSE, BATHROOM - EVENING 29
 Scott pees in a state of dreamy reverie. The PEE BAR above
 his head slowly reduces. He stares at himself in the mirror.
 Scott exits the bathroom, entering...
 30 INT. DREAM HIGH SCHOOL - ? 30
 ...a long, empty HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY. Scott's footsteps echo
 as he moves towards a classroom door with a STAR on it...
 RAMONA FLOWERS bursts through the door, skating past Scott
 and down the hall, PACKAGE from AMAZON clutched in her hand.
 Scott runs after her, around a corner, down a row of LOCKERS
 leading to...the outside of WALLACE'S APARTMENT???
 31 INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - MORNING 31
 Scott LEAPS out of the futon and RUNS towards the front door,
 THROWING IT OPEN and startling Ramona Flowers just as she
 presses the doorbell. DINGY DONG...
 SCOTT
 Hi, um, I was thinking about asking
 you out, but then I realized how
 stupid that would be.
 (BEAT)
 Do you want to go out sometime?
 RAMONA
 Um, no, that's okay. You just have
 to sign for this alright?
 SCOTT
 I just woke up, and you were in my
 dream. I dreamt you were delivering
 me this package. Is that weird?
 RAMONA
 It's not weird at all.
 SCOTT
 It's not?
 RAMONA
 No, it's just like, you've got this
 really convenient subspace highway
 running through your head that I
 like to use. It's like three miles
 in fifteen seconds.
 SCOTT
 Right...
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 27.
 31 CONTINUED: 31
 RAMONA
 Oh yeah. I forgot you guys don't
 have that in Canada.
 SCOTT
 You don't remember me do you? I met
 you at the party the other day.
 RAMONA
 Were you the Pac-Man guy?
 SCOTT
 No. Not even. That was some total
 ass. I was the other guy. You're
 Ramona Flowers right?
 RAMONA
 That's me.
 SCOTT
 So, you're like American?
 RAMONA
 Why, am I coming off as rude?
 SCOTT
 Not at all. Noooooo...
 Scott stands in awe of Ramona. She gives him a pen.
 RAMONA
 You know...you need to sign for
 this. Whatever this is?
 SCOTT
 It's something really cool. You'd
 be impressed.
 RAMONA
 You still have to sign.
 SCOTT
 But if I sign for it, you'll leave.
 RAMONA
 Yeah. That's how it works.
 SCOTT
 Okay well, can we just maybe just
 hang out sometime? Get to know each
 other? You're the new kid on the
 block, right? I've lived here
 forever. I mean...there are reasons
 for you to hang out with me?
 RAMONA
 You're all over the place.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 28.
 31 CONTINUED: (2) 31
 SCOTT
 You are like...my dream girl.
 RAMONA
 I need to find a new route.
 SCOTT
 Either that or you need to start
 hanging out with me.
 RAMONA
 You want me to hang out with you?
 SCOTT
 Um...you know...if that's cool.
 RAMONA
 If I say yes, will you sign for
 your damn package?
 Scott finally signs on the dotted line. And throws the
 package straight in the trash.
 SCOTT
 Done. So, yeah. Eight o'clock?
 32 OMITTED [INTEGRATED INTO SC 34] 32
 33 OMITTED 33
 34 EXT. PARK - NIGHT 34
 Scott finds Ramona waiting at the top of some stairs in the
 park. The Toronto skyline gleams in the night behind them.
 SCOTT
 Why are you just standing there?
 RAMONA
 Dude, I'm totally waiting on you.
 SCOTT
 Sorry, I just assumed you were too
 cool to be on time.
 RAMONA
 Well. You assumed wrong.
 SCOTT
 So what do you want to do? We could
 get a slice at Pizza Pizza or flip
 through some records at Sonic Boom.
 Oh, or there's this awesome game
 called Ninja Ninja Revolution at-
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 29.
 34 CONTINUED: 34
 RAMONA
 I'm not into simulated violence.
 SCOTT
 I'm cool with whatever you want to do.
 RAMONA
 This is good.
 Scott and Ramona trudge through the snow in the empty park.
 SCOTT
 This is good. So how'd you end up in
 Toronto?
 RAMONA
 Just needed to escape I guess.
 SCOTT
 Oh yeah?
 RAMONA
 I got this job here. And Gideon had
 always said Toronto was one of the
 great cities so...
 SCOTT
 Is Gideon...is he your boyfriend?
 RAMONA
 He's...a friend.
 SCOTT
 Was he your boyfriend?
 RAMONA
 Do you mind if we don't get into
 that right now?
 SCOTT
 It's so not interesting to me.
 They sit on some swings in the park.
 RAMONA
 So what about you? What do you do?
 SCOTT
 I'm between jobs.
 RAMONA
 Between what and what?
 SCOTT
 My last job is a long story filled
 with sighs.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 30.
 34 CONTINUED: (2) 34
 RAMONA
 I know plenty of those.
 SCOTT
 Is that why you left New York?
 RAMONA
 Pretty much. It was time to head
 somewhere a little more chilled.
 SCOTT
 Well, it's certainly chilled here.
 RAMONA
 Yeah.
 Uh. Chilled as in cold.
 RAMONA
 Yeah.
 SCOTT
 I'm totally obsessed with you.
 RAMONA
 I didn't mean to get you obsessed.
 SCOTT
 I just haven't been obsessed with a
 girl for a long time. It's weird.
 RAMONA
 That's probably because you sleep
 with a guy.
 SCOTT
 Um...
 RAMONA
 I was guessing from your apartment,
 but you totally do!
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 31.
 34 CONTINUED: (3) 34
 SCOTT
 It's... we're just poor! We can't
 afford two beds! We're not gay!
 Actually... no... Wallace is pretty
 gay.
 RAMONA
 Dude, relax. I believe you. You're
 too desperate to be gay.
 SCOTT
 I feel so stupid.
 RAMONA
 Aw... you're probably not that
 stupid.
 Laughing, Ramona hops off her swing.
 SCOTT (CONT'D)
 I'm... mostly stupid.
 RAMONA
 Well, you're definitely stupid if
 you want to go out with me.
 SCOTT
 Exactly, yeah.
 The snowfall gets heavier.
 RAMONA
 This is ridiculous. Isn't it like April?
 SCOTT
 Yeah. I can barely see you. This whole
 thing is an unmitigated disaster.
 RAMONA
 I think 'act of God' is a pretty
 decent excuse for a lousy date.
 SCOTT
 So this is a 'date', eh?
 RAMONA
 Did I say 'date'? Slip of the tongue.
 SCOTT
 Tongue...
 The snow gets heavier still. Ramona walks away.
 RAMONA
 Anyway, night's not over yet. I think
 there's a thingy up here somewhere.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 31A.
 34 CONTINUED: (4) 34
 SCOTT
 A thingy?
 RAMONA
 A door.
 SCOTT
 A door? I... I... I can't see you.
 I'm blind. Help me.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 32.
 34 CONTINUED: (5) 34
 A door with a STAR on it appears out of the whiteness. Ramona
 opens the door. Scott and Ramona fall into blackness...
 35 INT. RAMONA'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 35
 Scott shivers at the kitchen table of Ramona's cozy, girl
 friendly apartment. He watches as she slips out of her coat.
 RAMONA
 What kind of tea do you want?
 SCOTT
 There's more than one kind?
 RAMONA
 We have blueberry, raspberry,
 ginseng, sleepytime, green tea, green
 tea with lemon, green tea with lemon
 and honey, liver disaster, ginger
 with honey, ginger without honey,
 vanilla almond, white truffle,
 blueberry chamomile, vanilla walnut,
 constant comment and earl grey.
 SCOTT
 Did you make some of those up?
 RAMONA
 I think I'll have sleepytime.
 SCOTT
 That sounds good to me.
 RAMONA
 Let me get you a blanket.
 SCOTT
 That would actually be awesome.
 Ramona exits. After a moment alone, Scott ventures upstairs.
 He wanders towards a half open door. Pushing it open, he
 finds Ramona in her bedroom in her bra and skirt.
 RAMONA
 Dude! I'm changing.
 Scott covers his eyes and our screen goes BLACK.
 SCOTT (O.S.)
 AAAH! Sorry, I'm just...cold!
 RAMONA (O.S.)
 Here, does this help?
 SCOTT (O.S.)
 That's...very warm. What is that?
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 33.
 35 CONTINUED: 35
 Scott opens his eyes to see Ramona hugging him.
 SCOTT (CONT'D)
 Ohh...kay.
 They look into each others eyes...camera circles Scott and
 Ramona as they begin an awesome make out session. Scott
 imagines himself soundtracking the kiss with a slinky bassline.
 Ramona breaks off, smiling. Scott is in heaven.
 SCOTT (CONT'D)
 Were you..were you just going to
 bring the blanket from your bed?
 RAMONA
 I guess...
 SCOTT
 Maybe...maybe we should both get
 under it...since we're so cold.
 RAMONA
 Well...what about our tea?
 SCOTT
 I can...not have tea.
 The slinky bassline continues as Ramona takes her skirt off,
 revealing black panties to complement black bra. Scott takes
 his shirt off. They tumble onto the bed and make out. Then-
 RAMONA
 I changed my mind.
 SCOTT
 Changed it to what? From what?
 RAMONA
 I don't want to have sex with you,
 Pilgrim. Not right now.
 SCOTT
 Ohh...kay.
 RAMONA
 It's not like I'm gonna send you
 home in a snowstorm or anything.
 You can sleep in my bed. And I
 reserve the right to change my mind
 about the sex later.
 Ramona curls up next to Scott.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 34.
 35 CONTINUED: (2) 35
 SCOTT
 This is cool, just this. It's been
 like a really long time, and this
 is...I think I needed this.
 Whatever this is. So, thanks.
 RAMONA
 You're welcome.
 They exchange a smile. Then without warning we jump cut to -
 36 INT. RAMONA'S ROOM - MORNING 36
 DAYLIGHT! Scott awakens. Ramona is gone. An arrow points to
 the empty spot in the bed next to him.
 '�NO RAMONA'�
 Another arrow point out that-
 '�SHE'S IN THE SHOWER'�
 Ramona steps out of the bathroom in a towel. Scott relaxes.
 RAMONA
 I have to work.
 SCOTT
 Work?
 RAMONA
 You have to leave.
 37 EXT. RAMONA'S APARTMENT - MORNING 37
 Ramona skates towards the front gate, Scott walking next to
 her. WAIST DEEP SNOW covers the roads and sidewalks.
 SCOTT
 Hey, can this not be a one night
 stand? For one thing, I didn't even
 get any...that was a joke.
 RAMONA
 What did you have in mind?
 SCOTT
 Umm...oh, come to the first round
 of this battle of the bands thing.
 RAMONA
 (TOTALLY UNIMPRESSED)
 You have a band?
 SCOTT
 Yeah, we're terrible. Please come.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 34A.
 37 CONTINUED: 37
 RAMONA
 Sure.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 35.
 37 CONTINUED: (2) 37
 Ramona shrugs and ROLLERBLADES through the snow...(somehow)
 SCOTT
 Wait! Can I get your number?
 SSSSHHHOOP! Ramona skids to a stop, right back next to Scott.
 She hands him a note. '�RAMONA FLOWERS, 212 664-7665, xxxxxxx'�
 SCOTT
 Wow, girl number.
 Scott looks back up. Ramona is already skating far, far away.
 RAMONA
 See you at the show, Scott Pilgrim.
 SCOTT
 Oh, hey! It's tonight...At The-
 38 INT. THE ROCKIT - NIGHT 38
 '�THE ROCKIT, FUN FACT: THIS PLACE IS A TOILET'�.
 Ramona wades through a grungy venue under the stare of young
 hipsters, reaching Scott at the bar. He stands with Wallace
 and Stacey. She holds hands with a guy wearing glasses.
 SCOTT
 You totally came!
 RAMONA
 Yes. I did totally come.
 Scott is so amazed at her presence, his social skills vanish.
 STACEY
 Excuse my brother. He's chronically
 enfeebled. I'm Stacey.
 RAMONA
 Hey.
 STACEY
 And this is Wallace, his room-mate.
 WALLACE
 Hey.
 STACEY
 And this is my boyfriend Jimmy.
 WALLACE
 (staring at Jimmy)
 Heyyy.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 36.
 38 CONTINUED: 38
 STACEY
 And this is Knives, Scott's-
 Scott goes white. He didn't even see Knives come in.
 SCOTT
 HEYYYYYYYY!
 KNIVES CHAU
 Hey.
 Knives pecks Scott on the cheek. He pushes her away. Knives
 looks kinda sexy, wearing makeup and new clothes.
 KNIVES CHAU
 Do you like?
 SCOTT
 I...uh...
 LEONE STAREDOWNS all around. Stacey stares at Scott. Knives
 and Ramona stare at each other. Wallace stares at Jimmy.
 SCOTT (CONT'D)
 Have. To. Go.
 Scott scurries off. We hear feedback from a mic onstage.
 PROMOTER (O.S)
 This next band are from Brampton
 and they are Crash And The Boys.
 39 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS 39
 Scott runs backstage to see Stills obsessively flipping
 through a chart with hand drawn stats of their rival band.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 This is a nightmare. Is this a
 nightmare? Wake up, wake up, wake up.
 KIM
 Once we're on stage you'll be fine.
 STILLS
 We were just on stage. For sound
 check. The sound guy hated us.
 SCOTT
 It's just nerves! Pre-show jitters.
 People love us. Right?
 Scott sounds less than convincing. He looks up at Ramona and
 Knives sitting with Wallace, Jimmy and Stacey in the BALCONY.
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 37.
 40 INT. THE ROCKIT, STAGE - CONTINUOUS 40
 Crash and The Boys tune up. A drunk Wallace turns to Jimmy.
 WALLACE
 Jimmy. Do they rock or suck?
 JIMMY
 They...haven't started playing yet.
 WALLACE
 That was a test, Jimmy. You passed.
 CRASH
 Good evening. I am Crash, and these
 are the Boys.
 WALLACE
 IS THAT GIRL A BOY, TOO?
 CRASH
 Yes.
 TRASHA, 8 year old girl drummer, gives Wallace the finger.
 A41 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS A41
 Sex Bob-omb peer at the band from offstage. Kim glowers.
 KIM PINE
 They have a girl drummer?
 B41 INT. THE ROCKIT, STAGE - CONTINUOUS B41
 CRASH
 This is called "I am so sad. I am
 so very very sad." And it goes a
 little something like this.
 Crash and the Boys play a whole song in .04 seconds.
 CRASH
 Thank you.
 Wallace yells from the balcony.
 WALLACE
 IT'S NOT A RACE, GUYS!
 CRASH
 This song is for the guy who keeps
 yelling from the balcony, and it's
 called "We Hate You, Please Die."
 WALLACE
 Sweet! I love this one!
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 37A.
 B41 CONTINUED: B41
 Crash continues his rampage of musical hate.
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 38.
 41 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS 41
 STEPHEN STILLS
 These guys are good. Are these guys
 good?
 Kim Pine scowls harder than ever.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 These guys are good.
 42 INT. THE ROCKIT, STAGE - CONTINUOUS 42
 CRASH
 This is called "Last Song Kills
 Audience". It'll be our last song
 tonight and your last song EVER...
 Sound explodes from the stage. The audience are stunned.
 43 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS 43
 Stills paces backstage as the others watch the band.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 How are we supposed to follow this?
 We're not going to win, we're not
 gonna sign with G-Man and we'll
 never play opening night at the
 Chaos Theatre.
 (FREAKING OUT)
 GODDAMN IT SCOTT, WILL YOU STOP
 JUST STANDING THERE, YOU'RE
 FREAKING ME OUT!
 44 INT. THE ROCKIT, BALCONY - CONTINUOUS 44
 As Crash And The Boys climax, Stacey turns to Ramona.
 STACEY
 So, how do you know Scott?
 RAMONA
 He's...um. He's a friend.
 STACEY
 Hard for me to keep track
 sometimes. He has so many friends.
 Ramona arches an eyebrow. Stacey turns to Knives and Tamara.
 STACEY
 So Knives, how did you meet Scott?
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 39.
 45 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS 45
 Scott looks up into the balcony, sees Stacey talking to
 Knives. He turns around and slaps Stephen Stills in the face.
 SCOTT
 We gotta play now and loud!
 46 INT. THE ROCKIT, BALCONY - CONTINUOUS 46
 Stacey and Ramona listen intently to Knives' story.
 KNIVES CHAU
 Well, I was on the bus with my Mom-
 Knives freezes, staring at the stage.
 RAMONA
 Is that seriously the end of the story?
 KNIVES CHAU
 OH MY GOSH, they're on!
 47 INT. THE ROCKIT, STAGE - CONTINUOUS 47
 ONSTAGE: A DISHEVELED PROMOTER walks to the mic.
 PROMOTER
 This next band is from Toronto
 and...yeah. So give it up for
 Sex...Bob-Omb?
 SEX BOB-OMB walk on. Wallace and Knives give the only cheers.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 Scott...you ready?
 Scott nods vigorously.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 Kim...you rea-
 KIM PINE
 WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB. ONE, TWO...
 ANGLE on Knives. She faints in the excitement.
 KIM PINE (CONT'D)
 THREE, FOUR!
 Sex Bob-omb rock out, barely into the first verse when a
 chunk of ceiling CRASHES down and a SPINDLY INDIAN HIPSTER
 KID DIVES HEAD FIRST through the hole, finger pointed at
 Scott as he sails towards the stage!
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 40.
 47 CONTINUED: 47
 MATTHEW PATEL lands onstage and glares at Scott through a
 lopsided fringe. He wears an evil grin and a jacket that
 borders on flamboyant. He drags on a cigarette (blacked out).
 MATTHEW PATEL
 Mr. Pilgrim. It is I, Matthew
 Patel. Consider our fight...begun!
 SCOTT
 What did I do?
 Matthew Patel leaps in the air and sails toward Scott.
 SCOTT
 What do I do?!
 WALLACE
 FIGHT!
 Scott throws his bass to Young Neil and BLOCKS Patel with his
 left arm, then PUNCHES him across the floor with his right.
 Patel LANDS like a cat, FLIPS his fringe and GLARES at Scott.
 MATTHEW PATEL
 Alright. Alright.
 WALLACE
 Watch out! It's that one guy!
 SCOTT
 Thank you, Wallace!
 Patel RUNS at Scott. Scott SPIN KICKS Patel in the chin and
 sends him flying into the air. They land in THE PIT, knocking
 hipsters down and squaring off in the resulting circle.
 MATTHEW PATEL
 You're quite the opponent, Pilgrim.
 SCOTT
 Who the hell are you anyway?
 The LIGHTING GUY spotlights the fighters.
 MATTHEW PATEL
 My name is Matthew Patel and I'm
 Ramona's first evil ex-boyfriend!
 SCOTT
 You're what?
 MATTHEW PATEL
 Ramona's first evil ex-boyfriend!
 All eyes WHIP up to Ramona...
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 40A.
 47 CONTINUED: (2) 47
 RAMONA
 Anyone need another drink?
 Patel attacks Scott with spin kicks. Scott blocks. Patel
 punches. Scott blocks, then holds his hand up for a time-out.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 41.
 47 CONTINUED: (3) 47
 SCOTT
 We're fighting because of Ramona?
 MATTHEW PATEL
 Didn't you get my e-mail explaining
 the situation?
 SCOTT
 I skimmed it.
 MATTHEW PATEL
 You will pay for your insolence!
 Patel attacks, landing kicks and punches. Scott evades and
 counter-attacks. Patel evades, then lands more punches. Scott
 jump-spins away from danger. They pause, breathing heavy.
 WALLACE
 What's up with his outfit?
 OTHER HECKLER
 Yeah! Is he a pirate?
 Scott looks at Patel's outfit.
 SCOTT
 Are you a pirate?
 MATTHEW PATEL
 Pirates are in this year!
 Patel attacks again. They exchange furious blows, until Patel
 puts Scott in a choke hold. Scott looks up to Ramona.
 SCOTT
 You really went out with this guy?
 RAMONA
 Yeah, in the seventh grade.
 The Lighting Guy SWINGS the spotlight to Ramona in the
 balcony. We see a sketchy childlike ANIMATED FLASHBACK.
 RAMONA (CONT'D)
 It was football season and for some
 reason, all the little jocks wanted
 me. Matthew was the only non-white,
 non-jock boy in school, probably in
 the entire state, so we joined
 forces and took 'em all out. We
 were one hell of a team. Nothing
 could beat Matthew's mystical
 powers. Nothing but pre-teen
 capriciousness. We only kissed
 once. After a week and a half, I
 told him to hit the showers.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 41A.
 47 CONTINUED: (4) 47
 The spotlight swings back onto Scott and Patel.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 42.
 47 CONTINUED: (5) 47
 SCOTT
 Dude, wait...mystical powers?
 Patel levitates into the air and points at Ramona.
 MATTHEW PATEL
 You'll pay for this, Flowers!
 Patel SNAPS his fingers and launches into a BOLLYWOOD SONG!
 MATTHEW PATEL (CONT'D)
 If you want to fight me, you're not
 the brightest. You won't know
 what's hit you in the slightest.
 Patel levitates into the air. Four hot girls in skirts with
 fangs and bat-wings appear in the air around him.
 MATTHEW PATEL (CONT'D)
 Me and my fireballs and my Demon
 Hipster Chicks, I'm talking the
 talk because I know I'm slick.
 Patel and the Demon Hipster Chicks shoot FIREBALLS at Scott.
 He flips back onto the stage, narrowly dodging the attack.
 MATTHEW PATEL (CONT'D)
 Fireball Girls! Take this sucker
 down.
 The Demon Hipster Chicks unleash more fireballs. Scott
 dodges. The house drum kit is trashed behind him.
 MATTHEW PATEL (CONT'D)
 Let us show him what we're all
 about.
 Scott hits the ground, dodging a third wave of fireballs.
 They explode Crash and the Boys in the wings.
 SCOTT
 That doesn't even rhyme.
 Scott rolls across the stage, GRABS one of Kim's CYMBALS and
 throws it Captain America style. It hits Patel square in the
 eyes. POOF, the Demon Hipster Chicks vanish.
 MATTHEW PATEL
 This is impossible, how can it be?!
 Scott leaps into the air. Patel opens his eyes just in time
 to see Scott Pilgrim's FIST racing towards his face.
 SCOTT
 Open your eyes. Maybe you'll see.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 42A.
 47 CONTINUED: (6) 47
 K.O! Scott punches Patel. He explodes into COINS. They
 clatter to the stage floor. Scott lands and picks them up.
 SCOTT
 Sweet. Coins.
 48 INT. THE ROCKIT, BALCONY - CONTINUOUS 48
 Ramona makes her way out fast. Passes Stacey.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 43.
 48 CONTINUED: 48
 RAMONA
 Well, it was great meeting you.
 Tell your gay friends I said bye.
 STACEY
 Gay friends?
 Stacey turns to see Wallace and Jimmy making out.
 STACEY
 WALLACE?! Not again!
 Ramona passes Knives, who is being resuscitated by Tamara.
 49 INT. THE ROCKIT, STAGE - CONTINUOUS 49
 Scott picks up the coins onstage and counts them.
 SCOTT
 Aw man. $2.40? That's not even
 enough for the bus home.
 RAMONA
 I'll lend you the 30 cents.
 Ramona yanks Scott away. The Promotor ambles back onstage.
 PROMOTER
 Yeah...so like, Sex Bob-Omb wins.
 50 INT. THE ROCKIT, BALCONY - CONTINUOUS 50
 Knives is now wide awake, clapping wildly from the balcony.
 Her eyes scan the venue for Scott...but he is long gone.
 51 INT. THE BUS - NIGHT 51
 SCOTT
 Sooooooo...
 A bemused Scott and mortified Ramona sit on the bus home.
 SCOTT
 What was all that all about?
 RAMONA
 Uh, I guess...
 Ramona takes a breath. Looks deep into Scott's eyes.
 RAMONA (CONT'D)
 If we're going to date, you may
 have to defeat my seven evil ex's.
 SCOTT
 You have seven evil ex-boyfriends?
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 44.
 51 CONTINUED: 51
 RAMONA
 Seven ex's, yes.
 SCOTT
 So I have to fight-
 RAMONA
 Defeat.
 SCOTT
 -defeat your seven evil ex's if
 we're going to continue to date.
 RAMONA
 Pretty much.
 SCOTT
 So, what you're saying is...
 (BEAT)
 We are dating?
 RAMONA
 Uh, I guess.
 SCOTT
 Cool. Do you want to make out?
 RAMONA
 Uh...
 Scott kisses Ramona. The studio audience 'awwww's.
 52 OMITTED 52
 53 INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - MORNING 53
 A bleary Wallace fries bacon. Scott bursts through the front
 door, a spring in his step. The studio audience applauds.
 WALLACE
 Someone's happy.
 SCOTT
 Well, someone got to second base
 last night. And someone has a
 second date tonight.
 WALLACE
 Someone's lucky then.
 SCOTT
 You know when I say '�someone', I mean
 me, right? I got to second base last
 night...maybe first and a half.
 Wallace shoots a look at the idiotically upbeat Scott.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 45.
 53 CONTINUED: 53
 SCOTT (CONT'D)
 Oh, hey, I'm inviting Ramona over for
 dinner, so you can't be here tonight.
 I don't want you gaying up the place.
 WALLACE
 Okay, Scott. But in return I have
 to issue an ultimatum.
 SCOTT
 One of your famous ultimatums?
 WALLACE
 It may live in infamy...You have to
 break up with Knives. Today. Okay?
 Scott huffs and helps himself to some of Wallace's bacon.
 SCOTT
 But...but...it's HARD.
 WALLACE
 If you don't do it, I'm going to
 tell Ramona about Knives. I swear
 to God, Scott.
 SCOTT
 But you...you're...
 At this point a sleepy JIMMY wanders out of the bathroom and
 helps himself to coffee.
 JIMMY
 Morning.
 Scott points bacon at Wallace accusingly.
 SCOTT (CONT'D)
 DOUBLE STANDARD!
 WALLACE
 I didn't make up the gay rulebook.
 If you have a problem with it, take
 it up with Liberace's Ghost.
 SCOTT
 You're a monster.
 WALLACE
 Now put the bacon down and go do
 your dirt while I watch the Lucas
 Lee marathon on TBS Superstation.
 SCOTT
 Who's Lucas Lee?
 Wallace points to a hunky actor on the cover of NOW magazine.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 45A.
 53 CONTINUED: (2) 53
 WALLACE
 He was this pretty good skater and
 now he's this pretty good actor.
 (MORE)
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 46.
 53 CONTINUED: (3) 53
 WALLACE (CONT'D)
 He's filming a Winifred Hailey
 movie in Toronto right now.
 SCOTT
 They make movies in Toronto?
 WALLACE
 Yes. I am stalking him later.
 SCOTT
 So, this Lucas Lee-
 WALLACE
 Lucas Lee is not important to you
 right now! Get out.
 SCOTT
 You suck. Surprising no one.
 Scott grumbles off. Wallace turns the television way up. We
 see Lucas Lee on a payphone in some crummy thriller.
 LUCAS LEE (ON TV)
 Listen close and listen hard,
 bucko. The next click is me hanging
 up. The one after that...is me
 pulling the trigger.
 54 EXT. PAYPHONE ON BUSY STREET - DAY 54
 A shivering and annoyed Scott dials the payphone.
 SCOTT
 Oh, hey, Knives. Um, do you want
 to, like, talk or whatever?
 KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
 Are you wearing a tan jacket? Like
 a spring jacket? And a hoodie?
 SCOTT
 Ummm...
 Scott checks what he's wearing. SPOOKY MUSIC underscores.
 KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
 And a dorky hat?!
 SCOTT
 It's not dorky! Why are you psychic?
 A beaming Knives knocks on the payphone glass.
 SCOTT (CONT'D)
 Oh. Uh...okay. Hi.
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 47.
 55 INT. SONIC BOOM - DAY 55
 The SPOOKY MUSIC continues on in the record store.
 Scott is on edge as Knives geeks over a standee for THE CLASH
 AT DEMONHEAD: it features sultry blonde singer ENVY ADAMS
 posing and the rest of the band shrouded in shadow and mist.
 KNIVES CHAU
 I can't believe they're coming to
 town. Will you take me to the show?
 SCOTT
 Yeah, listen-
 The SPOOKY MUSIC gets louder, pounding inside Scott's head.
 KNIVES CHAU
 Oh, hey, I wanted to invite you
 over for dinner.
 SCOTT
 Like, Chinese food?
 KNIVES CHAU
 Yeah.
 SCOTT
 Hmm. It's not my favorite.
 KNIVES CHAU
 Yeah. Well, to meet my parents.
 It's my birthday dinner.
 SCOTT
 Uh...I think that's a really bad
 idea. Like, really, just so bad.
 KNIVES CHAU
 No, it's okay. Why?
 SCOTT
 Well I mean, I'm too old for you!
 KNIVES CHAU
 No you're not! My Dad is nine years
 older than my Mom...
 SCOTT
 And...and...are you even allowed to
 date outside your race or whatever?
 KNIVES CHAU
 I don't care. I'm in...LOVE!
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 47A.
 55 CONTINUED: 55
 Knives is so smitten, the word actually appears onscreen.
 Scott brushes it away. The SPOOKY MUSIC comes to a stop.
 SCOTT
 Um, listen...I was thinking we
 should break up or whatever.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 48.
 55 CONTINUED: (2) 55
 KNIVES CHAU
 Really?
 SCOTT
 Yeah...um...it's not going to work out.
 KNIVES CHAU
 Oh...
 Scott walks out, leaving Knives in the aisle.
 56 INT. THE BUS / RECORD STORE - DAY 56
 Scott sits on the bus alone, thinking about Knives.
 CROSSCUT with Knives still in the record store, in shock.
 ON THE BUS: Scott sighs, thinks of something happier...
 CROSSCUT with Ramona: rollerblading, her funky pink hair.
 ON THE BUS: Scott smiles, a little happier.
 57 INT/EXT. STEPHEN STILLS' BASEMENT - EVENING 57
 Sex Bob-Omb tune up. Kim spins a drumstick in her fingers.
 KIM PINE
 Where's Knives? Not coming tonight?
 SCOTT
 Oh. No. We broke up.
 Young Neil PAUSES his DS. Kim and Stills share a look.
 SCOTT (CONT'D)
 OH! Check it out, I learned the
 bass line from Final Fantasy 2.
 Scott plays the insanely simple video game tune.
 KIM PINE
 Scott, you are the salt of the earth.
 SCOTT
 Aw, thanks.
 KIM PINE
 Wait. I meant scum of the earth.
 SCOTT
 Aw, thanks.
 YOUNG NEIL
 You...you broke up with Knives?
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 49.
 57 CONTINUED: 57
 SCOTT
 Yeah, but don't worry, maybe you'll
 meet my new new girlfriend soon.
 YOUNG NEIL
 Newnew.
 Kim mimes shooting herself. Stills unplugs Scott's amp.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 Okay! From here on out, no
 GIRLFRIENDS or GIRLFRIEND talk at
 practice, whether they're old, new
 or new-new. We were lucky to
 survive that last round. This is
 sudden death now. Okay?
 SCOTT
 Okay!
 DINGY DONG...
 SCOTT (CONT'D)
 That's for me.
 Scott opens the door to see Ramona, now sporting BLUE HAIR.
 SCOTT (CONT'D)
 Hey...you're here?
 RAMONA
 Yes. Like you said. Is it not cool?
 Scott ushers her in, weirded out by this hair development.
 SCOTT
 You know your hair?
 RAMONA
 I know of it.
 SCOTT
 It's all blue.
 RAMONA
 Yeah. I just dyed it. Are you going
 to introduce me?
 SCOTT
 Oh yeah, this is Stephen Stills,
 Young Neil, that's... Kim.
 RAMONA
 Hey everyone.
 Everyone mumbles back. Scott still stares at Ramona's hair.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 49A.
 57 CONTINUED: (2) 57
 SCOTT
 Is it weird not being pink anymore?
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 50.
 57 CONTINUED: (3) 57
 RAMONA
 I change my hair every week and a
 half, dude. Get used to it.
 (to Sex Bob-Omb)
 So...uh...how do you guys all know
 each other?
 YOUNG NEIL
 High school, I guess?
 STEPHEN STILLS
 What Neil said.
 YOUNG NEIL
 I'm Neil.
 KIM PINE
 Believe it or not, I actually dated
 Scott in high school.
 RAMONA
 Got any embarassing stories?
 KIM PINE
 Yeah. He's an idiot.
 Scott fake laughs. Starts ushering Ramona out again.
 SCOTT
 Okay. Cool. See you guys tomorrow.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 Uh, what about rehearsal?
 SCOTT
 Neil knows my parts.
 YOUNG NEIL
 (TO STILLS)
 I'm Neil.
 58 INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 58
 Ramona lounges, reading a magazine. A tense Scott hurries
 around the kitchen area, preparing food as Wallace looks on.
 WALLACE
 Are you doing okay there?
 SCOTT
 Yeah, good. Good.
 Ramona goes to the bathroom. Scott drops the act.
 SCOTT
 She changed her hair.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 50A.
 58 CONTINUED: 58
 WALLACE
 So? It looks nice blue.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 51.
 58 CONTINUED: (2) 58
 SCOTT
 I know, but she changed it without
 even making a big deal about it.
 She's spontaneous. Impulsive.
 Fickle. Oh my god, what do I do?
 WALLACE
 I can't believe you were worried
 about me gaying up the place.
 Ramona returns. Wallace pulls on a jacket.
 RAMONA
 How's dinner coming along?
 SCOTT
 Yeah, good. Good.
 WALLACE
 I'll leave you lovebirds to it. I'm
 heading up to Casa Loma to stalk my
 hetero crush.
 Scott stops Wallace at the door, with a panicked whisper.
 SCOTT
 Don't go.
 WALLACE
 Will you man the hell up? You could
 get to 2nd and a half base.
 SCOTT
 You think so?
 WALLACE
 Well, if you strike out in the next
 hour, come find me at the Castle.
 SCOTT
 '�If I strike out'�?
 WALLACE
 Okay, '�when'�. See you in sixty.
 '15 MINUTES LATER'
 Ramona and Scott eat on the floor, picnic style. Scott has
 cooked garlic bread (and only garlic bread) for dinner.
 RAMONA
 This is actually really good garlic bread.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 52.
 58 CONTINUED: (3) 58
 SCOTT
 Garlic bread is my favorite food. I
 could honestly eat it for every
 meal. Or just all the time without
 even stopping.
 RAMONA
 You'd get fat.
 SCOTT
 No. Why would I get fat?
 RAMONA
 Bread makes you fat.
 SCOTT
 Bread makes you FAT??
 '15 MINUTES LATER'
 A nervy Scott serenades Ramona on his bass guitar.
 SCOTT
 So I wrote a song about you.
 RAMONA
 Oh yeah?
 SCOTT
 Yeah, it goes like this: Ra-mona,
 Ra-mona, Ra-ra-ra, Mona, Ra-mona,
 Ra-mona, Ra-ra-ra, Mona, Ooooh.
 RAMONA
 I can't wait to hear it when it's
 finished.
 SCOTT
 Finished?
 '15 MINUTES LATER'
 Scott makes out with Ramona on the futon. Scott smiles as she
 runs her hands through his hair.
 RAMONA
 Your hair's pretty shaggy.
 SCOTT
 OH GOD! I NEED A HAIRCUT DON'T I?!?
 Scott sits up like a shot. Ramona is taken aback.
 RAMONA
 What?
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 53.
 58 CONTINUED: (4) 58
 SCOTT
 Ha. No, sorry. It's just that I
 got... I got a bad haircut right
 before me and my big ex broke up. But
 it's so long ago, I can barely
 remember it...
 A deep voiced NARRATOR chimes in. Earl Jones deep.
 NARRATOR
 Scott is acutely aware that his last
 salon haircut took place exactly 431
 days ago, three hours before his big
 breakup. He blames this largely on the
 haircut and has been cutting his own
 hair ever since.
 RAMONA
 Sounds like a bad time.
 SCOTT
 Not really.
 NARRATOR
 It was.
 SCOTT
 It was a mutual thing.
 NARRATOR
 It wasn't.
 SCOTT
 I mean, she told me it was mutual.
 NARRATOR
 She dumped him. It was brutal.
 RAMONA
 What was her name?
 SCOTT
 She was Nat when I knew her. But
 she stopped liking that name.
 Then...she stopped liking me...
 RAMONA
 Your hair is cute. I like it long.
 SCOTT
 But it'd be cuter short! Wouldn't it?!
 Scott disappears and just as quickly reappears, now wearing
 his dorky SNOW HAT, hair tucked tightly beneath the flaps.
 RAMONA
 What? Why are you wearing that?
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 54.
 58 CONTINUED: (5) 58
 SCOTT
 I thought we could go for a walk.
 59 EXT. ENDLESS STAIRWAY - NIGHT 59
 '15 MINUTES LATER'
 Scott and Ramona climb a STAIRWAY, long handrail between them.
 RAMONA
 Tell me we didn't come out here
 just so you could cover your hair
 with that hat.
 SCOTT
 Nooo. I just love me some walking.
 Putting one leg in front of the other.
 RAMONA
 You seem a little...heightened.
 SCOTT
 Yeah. I don't know. I just, when I'm
 with you I feel like I'm on drugs. Not
 that I do drugs, unless you do, in
 which case I do drugs all the time,
 every drug, but...you make me feel...I
 don't know. Things seem a little
 brighter around you or something.
 Ramona and Scott finally reach the top of the stairs and
 NIGHT TURNS TO DAY, as if crossing a magical line.
 RAMONA
 What is this place?
 SCOTT
 A totally awesome castle. They're
 shooting this movie up here.
 Ramona looks up at the looming CASA LOMA, a castle surrounded
 by big, bright movie set lights.
 RAMONA
 Who's in it?
 SCOTT
 Winifred Hailey and some actor guy.
 RAMONA
 Oh, who?
 SCOTT
 I forget. Let's find out.
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 55.
 60 EXT. CASA LOMA - CONTINUOUS 60
 A crew readies a shot of WINIFRED HAILEY held hostage by some
 GOON. A STAND IN takes the place of the leading man. Scott
 and Ramona approach some SPECTATORS, including Wallace.
 RAMONA
 Did you find the guy you're stalking?
 WALLACE
 I think I'm about to right now.
 FIRST A.D.
 Mr. Lee is travelling!
 RAMONA
 Mr. Lee?
 WALLACE
 Lucas Lee.
 RAMONA
 Ooh.
 SCOTT
 Ooh?
 The UNIVERSAL STUDIOS FANFARE announces LUCAS LEE as he exits
 his trailer, smoking a cigarette (blacked out). He skates
 towards the set, doing kickflips. The spectators go '�oooh'�.
 WALLACE
 I want to have his adopted babies.
 RAMONA
 Oh, man. We gotta go.
 SCOTT
 What? Why?
 RAMONA
 I used to date that clown.
 WALLACE
 Slut.
 RAMONA
 Wallace. I am not a slut.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 56.
 60 CONTINUED: 60
 WALLACE
 I can think of no higher accolade.
 Lucas steps to his mark and puffs up into action hero mode.
 LUCAS LEE
 Action.
 Lucas Lee points his board at the GOON.
 SCOTT
 Oh...my...God...
 LUCAS LEE
 Hey. The only thing keeping me and
 her apart is the two minutes it's
 gonna take to kick your ass.
 SCOTT
 ...you dated a FAMOUS guy?!
 RAMONA
 In 9th grade. We had drama. Actually,
 it might have been math. I just
 remember there being lots of drama.
 LUCAS LEE
 HEY!!!
 Lucas Lee points at Scott, who remains oblivious.
 RAMONA
 He just followed me around. He was
 a little snot nosed brat.
 SCOTT
 He had snot? In his nose? But he's
 famous!
 LUCAS LEE
 HEY!!!
 RAMONA
 It's not a big deal. I only dated
 him for a week and a half-
 LUCAS LEE
 I'm talking to you Scott Pilgrim!
 Lucas Lee stomps towards Scott, who gasps.
 SCOTT
 He's famous and he talked to me!
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 56A.
 60 CONTINUED: (2) 60
 LUCAS LEE
 The only thing keeping me and her
 apart is the two minutes it's gonna
 take to kick your ass!
 SCOTT
 Can I get-
 POW! Lucas Lee punches Scott, flooring him. Scott comes back
 up with a pen and paper, wobbly.
 SCOTT
 Can I get your autograph?
 POW! Lucas Lee PUNCHES Scott again. He nods to Ramona.
 LUCAS LEE
 Sup. How's life? He seems nice.
 Lucas Lee THROWS Scott up into a castle turret, crumbling it.
 Scotts CRASHES down through scaffolding onto the set. Lucas
 holds up his hands for a quick continuity photo, then stomps
 over to pick up a dazed Scott from the ground.
 WALLACE
 Scott. Evil ex. Fight.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 57.
 60 CONTINUED: (3) 60
 LUCAS LEE
 Think you stand a chance against an
 A-lister, bro?
 Lucas Lee PUNCHES Scott again. He slides across the wet-down
 ground. A SET NURSE sprays Lucas' knuckles with antiseptic.
 LUCAS LEE
 Some competish you are.
 Lucas Lee wanders off. Scott staggers to his feet, punchy.
 SCOTT
 Hey... hey... hey! I'm not done-
 Scott spins Lucas around, only to find an identical STAND IN!
 LUCAS LEE (O.S.)
 Looks like you're seeing double.
 Scott turns to see the real Lucas, smirking on the sidelines.
 POW! The identical Stand In punches Scott to the ground.
 LUCAS LEE
 He's good, right? Sometimes I let
 him do wide shots if I feel like
 getting blazed back in my winnie.
 Scott stands to fight the double. Suddenly, COUNTLESS
 STUNTMEN fan out behind the STAND IN, all identically
 dressed, all carrying skateboards and ready to rumble.
 LUCAS LEE
 I'm nothing without my stunt team.
 The Stuntmen ATTACK Scott Pilgrim with a howl. Scott PUNCHES
 through a couple of the boards, Tae Kwon Doe style.
 WALLACE
 Ask them how it feels to always get
 his sloppy seconds!
 SCOTT
 How does it feel to-
 KROW! Scott takes a skateboard to the face, followed by a
 barrage of crippling skateboard blows to his knees and ribs.
 LUCAS LEE
 I'm gonna get coffee. You homies
 want anything?
 We follow the smirking Lucas to the coffee station. We hear
 the noise of punching and kicking slowly subside to nothing.
 SCOTT (O.S.)
 Mr. Lee?
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 58.
 60 CONTINUED: (4) 60
 Lucas turns, shocked to see Scott, in front of a PAINTED 2-D
 SKYLINE BACKDROP, surrounded by many unconscious stuntmen.
 SCOTT
 You're needed back on set.
 Scott CHARGES Lucas Lee and leaps into a FLYING KICK. Lucas
 GRABS his foot and hurls him through the backdrop. RRRIP!
 Scott lands in a CRUMP, framed through the torn skyline.
 Lucas stomps over to him, preparing for the deathblow.
 LUCAS LEE
 Prepare... prepare to feel the wrath
 of the League of Evil Exes!
 SCOTT
 The League of Evil Axes?
 LUCAS LEE
 You really don't know about the
 "The League"?
 SCOTT
 Ummm...
 LUCAS LEE
 Seven evil exes? Coming to kill
 you? Controlling the future of
 Ramona's love life?
 SCOTT
 ...no.
 LUCAS LEE
 Oh, well then don't worry about it.
 SCOTT
 Really?
 LUCAS LEE
 Yeah, bro. Let's get a beer.
 Lucas offers a hand. Scott goes to shake it. POW! Lucas gets
 him square in the mouth. Scott smiles through his aching jaw.
 SCOTT
 You are a pretty good actor.
 LUCAS LEE
 I'm going for the Oscar this year.
 SCOTT
 But are you a pretty good skater?
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 59.
 60 CONTINUED: (5) 60
 LUCAS LEE
 I'm more than pretty good, ese.
 I have my own skate company.
 Lucas pulls down his shirt, revealing a skate company tattoo.
 SCOTT
 So you can sell them, but can you
 do a thingy on that rail?
 Scott points to the LONG HANDRAIL on the stairs.
 LUCAS LEE
 It's called a grind, bro.
 SCOTT
 So can you do a grind thingy now?
 LUCAS LEE
 Are you serious? There's like 200
 steps and the rails are garbage.
 SCOTT
 Hey, if it's too hardcore...
 LUCAS LEE
 You really think you can goad me
 into doing a trick like that?
 SCOTT
 There's girls watching.
 LUCAS LEE
 Somebody get me my board.
 Wallace taps Lucas' shoulder and hands him his skateboard.
 WALLACE
 Hi. Big fan.
 LUCAS LEE
 Why wouldn't you be?
 CLACK! Lucas GOES FOR IT, a perfect ollie onto the rail.
 Scott and Wallace watch as Lucas disappears from sight,
 sparking down the ENDLESS RAIL...HSSSSSSSSSSSSSS...
 Cut back to Scott & Wallace, impressed at Lucas.
 SCOTT
 Wow.
 HSSSSSSSSS...
 Cut back to Scott & Wallace, very impressed at Lucas.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 59A.
 60 CONTINUED: (6) 60
 SCOTT
 Wow.
 HSSSSSSSSS...
 Cut back to Scott & Wallace. Scott's about to say '�wow' when-
 BOOOOOOOOM! A fireball appears from the bottom of the stairs.
 WALLACE
 Wow, he totally bailed.
 SCOTT
 Yes!
 Fist bump. Scott smacks his forehead.
 SCOTT
 I didn't get his autograph.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 60.
 60 CONTINUED: (7) 60
 FIRST A.D.
 Uh...that's a wrap everybody.
 SCOTT
 Where's Ramona? Is she still here?
 WALLACE
 No, she totally bailed.
 SCOTT
 What's the deal? Seriously.
 61 INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - DAY 61
 Scott slumps on the couch, phone pressed to his ear. Wallace
 cooks bacon in the kitchen (no pants). We hear the OUTGOING
 MESSAGE: This is an automated voice messaging system. RAMONA
 is not available, please record your message after the beep.
 SCOTT
 Hey. It's me, Scott again. Call me
 back. Scott Pilgrim.
 (HANGS UP)
 What's the deal? Seriously.
 Scott ambles over to the fridge and rests his head on it.
 WALLACE
 Yeah, you said that last night.
 SCOTT
 You know what really sucks though?
 WALLACE
 What?
 SCOTT
 Everything!
 WALLACE
 Come on guy, you can't say you
 didn't see this coming. It was
 right under your nose.
 Wallace points to the NOTE Ramona scribbled which is pinned
 literally under Scott's nose on the refrigerator:
 RAMONA FLOWERS, 212 664-7665, xxxxxxx
 WALLACE
 What did you think these were?
 SCOTT
 Kisses? Seven little kisses?
 WALLACE
 Seven deadly X's.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 61.
 61 CONTINUED: 61
 Wallace cocks an eyebrow. Scott slides to the floor.
 SCOTT
 Why does everything have to be so
 complicated?
 Wallace crouches down to join Scott on the floor.
 WALLACE
 If you want something bad, you have
 to fight for it. Step up your game.
 Break out the L-word.
 SCOTT
 Lesbian?
 WALLACE
 The other L-word.
 SCOTT
 Lesbians?
 WALLACE
 Okay, it's '�love'�. I wasn't trying
 to trick you or anything. Look, if
 she's really the girl of your
 dreams, then you have to let her
 know. You have to overcome any and
 all obstacles that lie in your
 path. You have the spirit of a
 warrior, Scott. You can do it! Be
 with her! It's your destiny!
 (BEAT)
 Plus, I need you to move out.
 Scott's face falls, completely shocked at this bombshell.
 SCOTT
 What? Why? Are you moving in with
 Other Scott or Jimmy or someone?
 WALLACE
 Or someone. Either way, I'm kind of
 banking on her calling you back so
 I won't have to evict you and feel
 all guilty and shit.
 RINGY RING. Scott and Wallace look at the phone.
 WALLACE
 I have a feeling that's for you, guy.
 Scott picks up. A SEXY, NON-RAMONA VOICE REPLIES...
 VOICE (O.S.)
 Hey Scott.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 62.
 61 CONTINUED: (2) 61
 SCOTT
 ...Envy?
 WALLACE
 Oh, shit.
 ENVY (O.S.)
 It's been a long time.
 SCOTT
 Yeah.
 ENVY (O.S.)
 A year I think?
 SCOTT
 Approximately.
 ENVY (O.S.)
 How are you?
 SCOTT
 I'm not doing so good right now.
 ENVY (O.S.)
 That's too bad. Still breaking hearts?
 SCOTT
 What? No, stop. I've been-it's been
 different. You have no idea.
 ENVY (O.S.)
 Probably not. Do you have a
 girlfriend? Should I be jealous?
 SCOTT
 Yes, you should. I have this
 totally awesome girlfriend who
 calls me all the time. And she's
 America. Uh. She's American.
 ENVY (O.S.)
 What's her name?
 SCOTT
 I'm not telling you that. Ramona.
 ENVY (O.S.)
 Oh.
 SCOTT
 What? Do you know her?
 ENVY (O.S.)
 Uh. No.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 63.
 61 CONTINUED: (3) 61
 SCOTT
 It sounded like you did.
 ENVY (O.S.)
 I gotta go. Nice chatting with you.
 SCOTT
 WAIT-
 CLICK...Scott slumps to the floor. Wallace appears over him.
 WALLACE
 Okay. Everything does suck.
 Scott grunts. RINGY RING. Wallace grins and grabs the phone.
 WALLACE
 Or does it?
 Scott sits bolt upright, expectant.
 WALLACE
 Oh, hey Knives.
 Scott lays back down. FUCK.
 WALLACE
 What's that? You're outside?
 Scott sits bolt upright again. FUCK! Wallace opens the door a
 crack. Knives shivers outside, pale and broken looking.
 KNIVES CHAU
 Is Scott here?
 WALLACE
 You know what?
 Behind Wallace, we see Scott LEAP through a window head
 first. GLASS SMASHES.
 WALLACE (CONT'D)
 He just left.
 Knives sighs. Scott sprints away in the background.
 A62 EXT. STREET - DAY A62
 Scott walks fast down the street, freaked out and paranoid.
 He sees five '�X's looming above him on a pedestrian crossing
 and quickly diverts into an...
 62 EXT. ALLEY - DAY 62
 Scott rips the '�X-Men' patch off his jacket, when-
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 63A.
 62 CONTINUED: 62
 WHZZZ - SOMETHING buzzes past Scott. He looks around.
 SCOTT
 Dude.
 WHOOSH - another blast of air whizzes by.
 SCOTT
 Please.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 64.
 62 CONTINUED: (2) 62
 SHFFF - SOMETHING sweeps him off his feet. He's pissed now.
 SCOTT
 I'm really not in the mood.
 SHWAA - SOMETHING slices the air in front of Scott.
 SCOTT
 Okay, enough!
 Scott punches the air in front of him. Hits SOMETHING. A
 DIMINUTIVE DIRTY BLONDE dressed in a punk rock kung fu get up
 lands on the ground with a thump. She spins to face Scott.
 MYSTERY ATTACKER
 You punched me in the boob. Prepare
 to die, obviously.
 SCOTT
 Listen, I've had it today. Can we
 not do this right now?
 ALT #1:
 MYSTERY ATTACKER
 (DIXIELAND ACCENT)
 Love to postpone, darlin', but I
 just cashed my last raincheck.
 SCOTT
 What's that from?
 MYSTERY ATTACKER
 (OWN VOICE)
 My brain!
 SCOTT
 Well whatever this is about, can it
 wait till I'm in the right frame of
 mind?
 ALT #2:
 MYSTERY ATTACKER
 Nuh uh. This is one nightmare you
 can't wake up from.
 SCOTT
 Wait, am I asleep right now?
 MYSTERY ATTACKER
 No.
 SCOTT
 So, technically this is not a
 nightmare.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 64A.
 62 CONTINUED: (3) 62
 MYSTERY ATTACKER
 Right.
 SCOTT
 So how can I not wake up? If I'm
 not actually asleep.
 MYSTERY ATTACKER
 Don't question me!
 Scott shakes his head, baffled.
 SCOTT
 Well, I'm really, really not up for
 this. Whatever it is.
 MYSTERY ATTACKER
 Okay little chicken, then I'll see
 you later. But you won't see me.
 Because I'll be deadly serious next
 time.
 SCOTT
 What?
 MYSTERY ATTACKER
 Nevermind!
 PAF - the Mystery Attacker vanishes. Scott looks to the sky.
 SCOTT
 Oh man. Someone help me.
 63 EXT. BLOOR STREET - DAY 63
 Scott is in his usual payphone, dialing Stacey frantically.
 SCOTT
 It's Scott.
 STACEY (O.S.)
 What did he do this time?
 SCOTT
 No, it's Scott. It's actually me.
 STACEY (O.S.)
 What did you do this time?
 SCOTT
 I didn't do anything. It's everyone
 else that's crazy.
 (MORE)
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 65.
 63 CONTINUED: 63
 SCOTT (CONT'D)
 Look I need to talk to you, I'm
 having a meltdown or whatever. Are
 you still working?
 STACEY (O.S.)
 I'm literally about to leave.
 SCOTT
 Cool, I'm coming in.
 Scott hangs up the phone and walks two steps into-
 64 INT. THE SECOND CUP - CONTINUOUS 64
 Scott approaches the counter. Stacey has her back turned.
 SCOTT
 Think I'll make it a decaf today.
 Stacey turns around, revealing herself to be JULIE!
 JULIE
 SCOTT PILGRIM!
 SCOTT
 AH! What did you do with my sister?
 Stacey taps on the window outside, mouthing that she has to
 go. Scott turns back to Julie, not happy.
 JULIE
 What can I fucking get you?
 SCOTT
 Is there anywhere you don't work?
 JULIE
 They're called 'jobs', something a
 fuckball like you wouldn't know
 anything about. And by the way, I
 can't believe you fucking asked
 Ramona out after I specifically
 told you not to fucking do that!
 (Note to concerned reader: Everytime Julie says "FUCK", a
 black bar comes out of her mouth and the sound is bleeped.)
 SCOTT
 How do you do that with your mouth?
 JULIE
 Neverfuckingmind how I do it! What
 do you have to say for yourself?
 SCOTT
 Uh. Can I get a caramel macchiato?
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 66.
 64 CONTINUED: 64
 JULIE
 Maybe it's high fucking time you
 took a look in a mirror before you
 wreak havoc on another girl.
 SCOTT
 Me? Wreak havoc?
 Julie points at THE CLASH AT DEMONHEAD poster behind the
 counter with concert dates at the bottom.
 JULIE
 Fucking speaking of fucking which,
 I hear the girl that kicked your
 heart in the ass is walking the
 streets of Toronto again.
 SCOTT
 So I can pick up my coffee over
 here?
 Scott retreats away from Julie and bumps right into...
 RAMONA. They share an awkward moment. She looks at the floor.
 RAMONA
 Sorry that got a little crazy last
 night.
 SCOTT
 Yeah. You kind of disappeared.
 RAMONA
 Yeah, I do that. Listen, I know
 it's hard to be around me
 sometimes. I'll understand if you
 don't want to hang anymore.
 SCOTT
 No. No, I want to hang. The whole
 evil ex-boyfriend thing. No biggie.
 RAMONA
 Exes.
 SCOTT
 I mean, I know it's early days, but
 I don't think anything can really
 get in the way of how I SHIT!
 Scott hides behind Ramona as a lithe figure emerges from the
 steamed-milk mists of the coffee shop...the singer from THE
 CLASH AT DEMONHEAD has seemingly stepped out of the poster.
 "ENVY ADAMS, 23, FUN FACT: KICKED SCOTT'S HEART IN THE ASS."
 The icy, platinum blonde fashionista walks towards Scott.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 67.
 64 CONTINUED: (2) 64
 SCOTT (CONT'D)
 It's my ex.
 RAMONA
 The big one?
 Scott nods. LEONE STAREDOWN between Envy and Ramona.
 RAMONA
 I'm gonna...excuse me.
 Ramona goes to order coffee, leaving Envy to fix on Scott.
 ENVY
 Your hair is getting shaggy.
 REVERSE: Scott is instantly wearing his DORKY HAT.
 SCOTT
 Yeah?
 ENVY
 So. That's Ramona?
 SCOTT
 Yeah.
 ENVY
 Okay, I'm jealous.
 SCOTT
 YOU'RE jealous?
 ENVY
 I'm allowed.
 SCOTT
 You left me! For that cocky pretty boy!
 ENVY
 You've never even seen him.
 SCOTT
 Yeah. I know. You left me for a guy
 I've never even seen.
 ENVY
 Maybe you'll see him soon. We're
 playing Lee's Palace. You guys
 should like, so totally come.
 SCOTT
 That's so not going to happen.
 ENVY
 Great. You're so on the list.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 68.
 64 CONTINUED: (3) 64
 Envy disappears into the cappucino mists. Ramona returns.
 JULIE
 Caramel Fuckiato for fuck Pilgrim!
 SCOTT
 (TO RAMONA)
 It's pronounced '�Scott'�.
 65 EXT. TORONTO RESIDENTIAL STREET - DAY 65
 Scott and Ramona walk side by side, sipping their coffees.
 RAMONA
 So...that was Nat?
 SCOTT
 No, that was Envy.
 RAMONA
 So...what did you guys talk about?
 SCOTT
 She's totally jealous of you.
 RAMONA
 Envy's jealous? How about that?
 SCOTT
 Yeah. How. About. That.
 RAMONA
 What happened with the two of you?
 SCOTT
 Do you mind if we don't get into
 that right now?
 (BEAT)
 She wanted to move to Montreal
 because she missed her best friend.
 This guy Todd.
 RAMONA
 And two weeks later, you heard they
 were sleeping together I guess?
 SCOTT
 Basically.
 RAMONA
 I dated a Todd once. That didn't
 end well either.
 SCOTT
 I can see how it sucks. Having the
 past come back to haunt you.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 68A.
 65 CONTINUED: 65
 RAMONA
 Is it wrong that I try not to think
 about it?
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 69.
 65 CONTINUED: (2) 65
 SCOTT
 What do you want to think about?
 RAMONA
 How warm my place is right now.
 Ramona stops and kisses him.
 66 INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 66
 Scott lies between Wallace and Other Scott on the futon.
 OTHER SCOTT
 And you didn't bang her? Are you gay?
 SCOTT
 I couldn't stop thinking about my
 stupid ex-girlfriend.
 A bleary Jimmy sits up between them all.
 JIMMY
 Is that the Uma Thurman movie?
 WALLACE
 Scott. Just because Envy's back in
 town doesn't make it not over.
 SCOTT
 Double negative. Tricky.
 OTHER SCOTT
 It's over. Move on.
 WALLACE
 Word.
 JIMMY
 Mm.
 Scott stands (no pants). Music swells.
 SCOTT
 Right. I'm not gonna let her toy
 with me. From this moment on, I
 will think of Envy Adams no more!
 67 INT. STEPHEN STILLS' HOUSE - DAY 67
 STEPHEN STILLS
 I have distressing news.
 A deadly serious Stephen Stills addresses Kim, Scott and
 Young Neil. Ramona lounges on the couch...
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 69A.
 67 CONTINUED: 67
 KIM PINE
 Is the news that we suck? Because I
 really don't think I can take it.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 No. The Clash At Demonhead are
 doing a secret show tomorrow night.
 And Envy asked us to open for them.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 70.
 67 CONTINUED: (2) 67
 SCOTT
 I hate you.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 A gig is a gig is a gig. Is a gig.
 Maybe you can put your history
 aside until we get through this
 thing. You know, for the band? For
 the band. For the band?
 SCOTT
 Can't we do our own secret shows?
 KIM PINE
 All our shows are secret shows.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 We're doing it. G-man might be
 there! We play the next round of
 the battle Saturday. We need to get
 some buzz going. We need
 groundswell. We need stalkers.
 Stills paces past the window to reveal...KNIVES CHAU OUTSIDE.
 CRASH ZOOM on her tearful face, pressed against the window.
 TOTALLY CRUSHED to see Scott cuddling with Ramona.
 SCOTT
 What would you do? If your ex was
 in a band and they wanted you to
 open for them?
 RAMONA
 If my ex was in the band?
 SCOTT
 Yeah.
 RAMONA
 It might be a little awkward. But
 maybe it's the grown up thing to do.
 SCOTT
 Yeah, we're all adults right?
 68 INT. DRUG SMART - EVENING 68
 KNIVES frantically rifles through racks of hair dye and rants
 furiously into her cellphone.
 KNIVES CHAU
 He's dating a fat-ass hipster chick!
 I hate his stupid guts! I'm gonna
 disembowel him!
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 71.
 68A INT. KNIVES' BEDROOM - EVENING 68A
 Knives stands on her bed and continues ranting at Tamara.
 KNIVES CHAU
 He only likes her cause she's old!
 She's probably like 25! She's just
 some fat-ass white girl, you know?
 TAMARA
 I think you mentioned she was fa-
 68B INT. KNIVES' BATHROOM - EVENING 68B
 Tamara helps Knives color her hair under the bathtub spigot.
 KNIVES CHAU
 She's got a head start! I didn't
 even know there WAS good music
 until like two months ago! Okay,
 this really burns.
 TAMARA
 We should rinse-
 KNIVES CHAU
 I mean, he knew I was cool but he
 thought I was too young, so he
 tried to find someone cool but old.
 TAMARA
 She's cool? I thought she was fat-
 KNIVES CHAU
 Well she THINKS she's cool. This is
 all her fault.
 TAMARA
 Why?
 Tamara turns the faucet on and rinses Knives hair.
 KNIVES CHAU
 It MUST be her fault. Obviously
 it's just a twist of fate or
 whatever, isn't it? Star crossed
 lovers! Born too late!
 Knives looks in the mirror: HER HAIR IS EXACTLY LIKE RAMONA.
 KNIVES CHAU (CONT'D)
 Oh God...I look so...so good.
 Knives throws a long scarf on, looking sexy, eyes narrowing.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 72.
 68B CONTINUED: 68B
 KNIVES CHAU (CONT'D)
 Scott Pilgrim destroyed my heart.
 But I know how to get him back.
 PUSH into Knives, as she plots. Tamara pops into frame.
 TAMARA
 How?
 We see a TEXT MESSAGE typing onscreen:
 '�YUNG NEIL ITZ KNIVES. OMFG UR SO HOTT'�
 69 EXT. LEE'S PALACE - NIGHT 69
 A huge line of TOO COOL YOUTHS snakes outside a rock venue. A
 sign reads '�THE CLASH AT DEMONHEAD - Sold out'.
 We hear loud music blasting through the open doors.
 70 INT. LEE'S PALACE - CONTINUOUS 70
 The LOUD MUSIC stops abruptly. Sex Bob-Omb bow onstage.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 Thank you. We were Sex Bob-Omb.
 Wallace and Other Scott clap and cheer, drunk. The other
 snobbish kids in the audience shrug and disperse.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 We got some merch out the back, so-
 (to Scott and Kim)
 Okay. Bar. Now.
 71 INT. LEE'S PALACE - LATER 71
 A disillusioned Sex Bob-Omb hang with Ramona at the bar.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 Level with me. Did we suck?
 RAMONA
 I don't know. Did you?
 STEPHEN STILLS
 She has to go. She knows we suck.
 Ramona excuses herself.
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 73.
 72 INT. LEE'S PALACE, LADIES BATHROOM - MOMENTS LATER 72
 Ramona does her eyeliner. She looks in the mirror to see two
 images of herself staring back. Or is it...
 "KNIVES CHAU, 17, SINGLE WHITE ASIAN" with identical hair,
 clothes and makeup, standing next to Ramona, looking hot.
 KNIVES CHAU
 Hey Ramona.
 RAMONA
 Hey.
 Ramona exits, confused. Knives follows.
 RAMONA
 What the hell?
 73 INT. LEE'S PALACE - MOMENTS LATER 73
 Ramona and Knives exit the bathroom together. Scott breaks
 into a cold sweat. Knives shoots Scott a sultry look.
 KNIVES CHAU
 Hey Scott.
 Knives heads into Young Neil's arms at the other end of the
 bar. Scott struggles with something resembling jealousy.
 SCOTT
 What the hell?
 KIM PINE
 Look who Knives is hanging with.
 RAMONA
 Who is that girl again?
 STEPHEN STILLS
 Scottdatedher.
 SCOTT
 Briefly. Briefly.
 KIM PINE
 I bet Young Neil will date her even
 briefly-er.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 74.
 73 CONTINUED: 73
 RAMONA
 How old is she?
 A '�WHEEL OF FORTUNE'� spins INSIDE SCOTT'S HEAD, with
 selections such as '�It was nothing'� and '�She was nobody.'� The
 wheel sticks between '�I gotta pee.'� and '�Who, her?'�
 SCOTT
 I gotta pee on her.
 (turns beet red)
 I mean, I gotta pee. Pee time.
 (SING SONGY)
 Peee time.
 74 INT. LEE'S PALACE, MENS BATHROOM - MOMENTS LATER 74
 Scott washes his hands and looks up to see TWO SCOTTS staring
 back, one with fringed hair and a wicked glare!
 Scott whips around. He's alone. SPOOKY MUSIC begins...
 75 INT. LEE'S PALACE - MOMENTS LATER 75
 A freaked out Scott returns to the group. The lights dim and
 the stage fills with twisting blue tendrils of smoke.
 THE CLASH AT DEMONHEAD materialize, ENVY in a long black
 coat. Knives screams her teen brains out.
 The BASS PLAYER steps into the light, no longer shrouded in
 dry ice, he cuts a handsome, striking ROCK GOD figure.
 SCOTT
 That guy on bass? That's Todd.
 RAMONA
 I know.
 ENVY
 Oh yeah...
 SCOTT
 You know?
 ENVY
 Oh yeah...
 Todd flips his fringe from his eyes. Stares at Scott.
 "TODD INGRAM, 25, EVIL-EX #3, FUN FACT: 9TH DEGREE VEGAN"
 SCOTT
 Oh no.
 Envy lets her coat slip off, revealing a stunning figure.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 74A.
 75 CONTINUED: 75
 ENVY
 OH YYYEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!
 76 INT. LEE'S PALACE - LATER 76
 Sex Bob-Omb, Knives and Ramona hang near the BACKSTAGE doors.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 75.
 76 CONTINUED: 76
 KNIVES CHAU
 Oh my God. Just oh my God.
 YOUNG NEIL
 Man, you have to see them live.
 They're so much better live. Oh.
 SCOTT
 I think I'm going to throw up.
 Julie opens the backstage door and huffs.
 JULIE
 I can't believe I'm even saying
 this, but Envy Adams would like all
 of you to come backstage.
 SCOTT
 All of us?
 JULIE
 Did I fucking stutter?
 The group shuffles backstage. Scott hangs his head like a
 condemned man.
 KNIVES CHAU
 How do you know Envy???
 YOUNG NEIL
 Scottdatedher.
 Knives makes a face that looks like this: >:O !!!!
 77 INT. LEE'S PALACE, RATTY BACKSTAGE AREA - NIGHT 77
 SEX BOB-OMB lounge on a couch on one side of the room. Envy,
 Todd and Julie lounge on a couch across from them.
 Knives in shock as she thinks a thousand thoughts. Envy burns
 a hole through Scott. Everyone else feels...'�AWKWARD'�.
 TODD INGRAM
 Hey Ramona.
 RAMONA
 Hey Todd.
 TODD INGRAM
 Been a while.
 RAMONA
 Mmm hmm.
 TODD INGRAM
 Mmm hmm.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 76.
 77 CONTINUED: 77
 RAMONA
 (whispers to Scott)
 I think we should get out of here.
 JULIE
 How was the tour? You played with
 The Pixies? You're a superstar now!
 ENVY
 It's-yeah, it's not something I can
 really put into words.
 KNIVES CHAU
 Um...Envy? I read your blog.
 Todd and Julie glare at Knives.
 ENVY
 So...Scott and Ramona eh?
 RAMONA
 What of it?
 ENVY
 You guys are a cute couple, you
 know? You suit each other.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 So what's your ulterior motive
 Envy, in general?
 JULIE
 She doesn't need ulterior motives,
 Stephen. She's got a write-up in
 Spin!
 KNIVES CHAU
 You're my role model Envy.
 ENVY
 Just saying, cute couple. I like your
 outfit Ramona. Affordable?
 JULIE
 I was going to say, Envy. Did you
 get those jeans in New York, they're-
 ENVY
 I'm talking to Ramona right now.
 JULIE
 Ramona lived in New York.
 ENVY
 I was just there. We played the
 Chaos Theatre for Gideon. You know
 him, right?
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 76A.
 77 CONTINUED: (2) 77
 Scott looks at Ramona. She is about to answer when...Knives
 stands up, POINTS at Envy and SCREAMS-
 KNIVES CHAU
 I'VE KISSED THE LIPS THAT KISSED YOU!
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 77.
 77 CONTINUED: (3) 77
 Envy nods at Todd. He PUNCHES KNIVES SQUARE IN THE JAW! OMFG!
 Scott jumps to his feet, FACING OFF against Todd Ingram.
 SCOTT
 Knives!?
 Young Neil rushes to Knives' aid. Scott boils. Todd smirks.
 TODD INGRAM
 That's right. I'm not afraid to hit
 a girl. I'm a rock star.
 YOUNG NEIL
 You punched the highlights out of
 her hair!
 ANGLE on Knives. Her hair is black and plain as before.
 YOUNG NEIL
 He punched the highlights. Out. Of.
 Her. Hair.
 ENVY
 You're incorrigible.
 TODD INGRAM
 I don't know the meaning of the word.
 Young Neil escorts Knives out. Todd sits back down like
 nothing happened. Scott's face is a bright shade of rage.
 JULIE
 So, are you guys doing anything fun
 while you're in town?
 TODD INGRAM
 Fun? In Toronto?
 SCOTT
 That is IT, you cocky cock! YOU'LL PAY
 FOR YOUR CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY!
 Scott LEAPS across the table and SWINGS a punch at Todd.
 Todd THRUSTS a hand out and telekinetically FREEZES SCOTT IN
 THE AIR. Scott hovers, grasping his neck, choking. Todd's
 hair magically forms into a FAUXHAWK.
 SCOTT
 KK...my neck...yy...your hair...
 ENVY
 Didn't you know? Todd's Vegan.
 TODD INGRAM
 It's not a big deal.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 78.
 77 CONTINUED: (4) 77
 Todd telekinetically HURLS Scott through the club's wall!
 Ramona and Sex Bob-Omb peer through the newly made hole in
 the wall, to see Scott sprawled on some trash bags. He tries
 to keep cool, despite being in a lot of pain.
 SCOTT
 No kidding...anyone can be...vegan.
 TODD INGRAM
 Ovo-lacto vegetarian maybe.
 SCOTT
 Ovo what?
 TODD INGRAM
 I partake not in the meat nor
 breastmilk or ovum of any creature
 that has a face.
 ENVY
 Short answer: Being vegan just
 makes you better than most people.
 TODD INGRAM
 Bingo.
 Todd lifts up Scott telekinetically and throws him miles into
 the air. Scott sails out of shot and into space.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 Hey man, question. I always
 wondered, how does not eating dairy
 products give you psychic powers?
 TODD INGRAM
 You know how you only use ten
 percent of your brain? Well, it's
 because the other 90% is filled up
 with curds and whey.
 KIM PINE
 Did you learn that at Vegan Academy?
 TODD INGRAM
 Go ahead and get snippy baby, if
 you knew the science, maybe I'd
 listen to a word you're saying.
 Scott returns to earth with a THUMP. He moans in pain. While
 the others bicker, Ramona helps Scott to his feet.
 SCOTT
 If I peed my pants, would you pretend
 I just got wet from the rain?
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 78A.
 77 CONTINUED: (5) 77
 RAMONA
 It's not raining.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 79.
 77 CONTINUED: (6) 77
 SCOTT
 Oh. How about you give me the Cliff
 Notes on how and why you ended up
 dating this a-hole?
 RAMONA
 Is that really important right now?
 SCOTT
 If there's a key element in his
 backstory that can help me out in a
 critical moment of not dying? Yes.
 A brief, scrappy ANIMATED FLASHBACK of Young Todd and Ramona.
 RAMONA (V.O.)
 I was only dating Lucas until the
 minute Todd walked by. I guess
 that's not very nice, but I used to
 be kind of...like that.
 Young Ramona shoves Young Lucas down a hill and starts making
 out with Young Todd.
 RAMONA (V.O.)
 We hated everyone. We wrecked
 stuff. Nobody cared.
 Young Ramona and Young Todd wreck stuff. Nobody cares.
 RAMONA (V.O.)
 He punched a hole in the moon for
 me. It was pretty crazy.
 Young Todd punches a hole in the moon. It's pretty crazy.
 RAMONA (V.O.)
 A week and a half later, he told me
 his Dad was sending him to the
 Vegan Academy, so I dumped him.
 Does that help you at all?
 The FLASHBACK ends. Scott can only fixate on one aspect.
 SCOTT
 Have you dumped everyone you've
 ever been with? You've never been
 the dumpee?
 Ramona shrugs.
 RAMONA
 Look, I've dabbled with being a
 bitch. It's part of the reason I
 moved here. I was really hoping to
 put it all behind me.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 80.
 77 CONTINUED: (7) 77
 Todd appears behind Ramona - ready for another round.
 TODD INGRAM
 We have unfinished business, I and he!
 Scott stands up - sort of ready for another round.
 SCOTT
 He and me.
 TODD INGRAM
 Don't you talk to me about grammar!
 SCOTT
 I...dislike you. Capiche?
 Understand?
 TODD INGRAM
 Tell it to the cleaning lady on Monday.
 SCOTT
 What?
 TODD INGRAM
 Because you'll be dust by Monday.
 SCOTT
 Um...
 TODD INGRAM
 Because I'll be pulverizing you in
 two seconds. And the cleaning
 lady...cleans up...dust. She dusts.
 SCOTT
 Sorry, so what's on Monday?
 TODD INGRAM
 Cos it's Friday now and she has
 weekends off, so...Monday. Right?
 ENVY
 Basically, you can't win this fight
 and you'll have to give up on this
 girl, '�cos Todd is going to kill
 you.
 SCOTT
 You used to be so...nice!
 Scott CHARGES at Todd, who PSYCH-THROWS him back into the
 club. We hear a distant CRUMP. Stills calls through the hole.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 Uh, we're going to Pizza Pizza for
 a slice, call us when you're done.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 80A.
 77 CONTINUED: (8) 77
 ENVY
 Oh, he'll be done real soon.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 81.
 77 CONTINUED: (9) 77
 Sex Bob-Omb skulks away. Envy grins at Ramona, wicked.
 ENVY
 Sorry, baby. Crummy way to end
 things, I know.
 Suddenly, the bass-line from FINAL FANTASY 2 rumbles through
 the walls. Todd calls to a roadie.
 TODD INGRAM
 Get me my bass. The good one.
 78 INT. LEE'S PALACE - CONTINUOUS 78
 SCOTT stands in an elephant's graveyard of plastic cups and
 bottles, picking the hell out of his bass, amp pegged to 10.
 TODD INGRAM levitates, floating towards Scott with his bass.
 TODD INGRAM
 You're going down. Vegan Style!
 Todd lands in front of Scott. BASS OFF! PICKS STRIKE STRING!
 Todd easily out-basses Scott, shredding him into oblivion.
 The enormous reverb LAUNCHES club debris towards Scott.
 SCOTT
 The reverb is hurting my soul!!!
 Scott slides across the floor and slams right into the wall.
 Todd LEVITATES, fauxhawk rising. He hovers next to him.
 TODD INGRAM
 That's right, Pilgrim. I actually
 know how to play bass.
 Todd DETUNES his bass and delivers a death note that BLOWS
 Scott right through the stage wall.
 79 INT. LEE'S PALACE, RATTY BACKSTAGE AREA- CONTINUOUS 79
 Scott crashes into a backstage food table. Todd floats toward
 him, savoring the kill. Envy appears beside him with a smirk.
 TODD INGRAM
 I can read your thoughts. Your bass
 hand is badly injured. You're through.
 Scott turns around on his knees, cringing, holding a cup of
 MILKY LOOKING COFFEE in either hand as a peace offering.
 SCOTT
 What say we drink to my memory?
 Fair trade blend with soymilk?
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 81A.
 79 CONTINUED: 79
 ENVY
 I'm sorry, but that's pathetic.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 82.
 79 CONTINUED: (2) 79
 TODD INGRAM
 Dude. I can see in your mind's eye
 that you poured Half & Half into one
 of these coffees in an attempt to
 make me break vegan edge. I'll take
 the one with soy. Thanks, tool.
 Todd floats to the ground, takes one of the cups and drinks.
 SCOTT
 Actually, I poured soy in this cup,
 but thought real hard about pouring it
 in that one. You know, in my mind's
 eye or whatever.
 TODD INGRAM
 What are you talking about?
 SCOTT
 You just drank Half & Half.
 TWO TRENDY POLICE TYPES BUST IN THROUGH THE WALL, making two
 more holes and pointing their fingers like deadly weapons.
 VEGAN POLICE OFFICERS
 Freeze! Vegan Police!
 VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #1
 Todd Ingram, you're under arrest
 for veganity violation code number
 827, imbibement of Half & Half!
 TODD INGRAM
 That's bullroar!
 VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #1
 No vegan diet, no vegan powers.
 TODD INGRAM
 But this is a first offense! Don't
 I get three strikes?
 Vegan Police Officer #2 flips open his CODE VIOLATION book.
 VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #2
 At 12:27 a.m. on February 1st, you
 knowingly ingested Gelato.
 TODD INGRAM
 Gelato isn't vegan?
 VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #1
 Milk and eggs, bitch.
 VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #2
 On April 4th, 7:30 p.m., you partook
 a plate of Chicken Parmesan.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 83.
 79 CONTINUED: (3) 79
 Envy gasps, disgusted.
 TODD INGRAM
 Chicken isn't vegan?
 VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #1
 The deveganizing ray! Hit him.
 The Vegan Police BLAST Todd with arcs of power from their
 finger guns. Todd's fauxhawk deflates into a bowl cut.
 TODD INGRAM
 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
 Scott rises into a stance to deliver his killer line...
 SCOTT
 You once were a vegone, but now you
 will be gone!
 TODD INGRAM
 Vegone?
 Scott HEADBUTTS TODD, exploding him! POOM! Scott dusts
 himself off as COINS rain down. Envy stares, jaw ajar.
 SCOTT
 Uh, sorry I guess.
 ENVY
 Sorry? You just headbutted my
 boyfriend so hard he burst.
 SCOTT
 You kicked my heart in the ass. So
 I guess we're even. Natalie.
 ENVY
 No one calls me that anymore.
 SCOTT
 Maybe they should. Now let's get
 out of here.
 A battle worn Scott limps through the hole in the wall.
 Ramona follows, shooting Envy a look on the way out.
 RAMONA
 Crummy way to end things, I know.
 Envy blinks, in shock. Julie pops into shot.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 84.
 79 CONTINUED: (4) 79
 JULIE
 For the record, I am so pissed off
 for you right now.
 ENVY
 Shut the fuck up, Julie.
 80 INT. PIZZA PIZZA - NIGHT 80
 Sex Bob-Omb, Wallace and Other Scott munch pizza slices.
 Ramona and Scott, on the fringes. It's an odd mood.
 WALLACE
 Envy Adams. I hate that bitch so
 much I kind of love her.
 OTHER SCOTT
 Yeah. That Todd guy was cool too.
 And hot. I liked him.
 Scott sighs and holds a cold Coke Zero on his forehead.
 RAMONA
 Are you okay?
 SCOTT
 Uh huh.
 RAMONA
 You sure about that?
 SCOTT
 Do I look like I'm not okay?
 Scott does not look okay. Stills coughs.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 We're still going to the after show
 right?
 KIM PINE
 I'm not sure it's gonna be much of
 a party, I think a third of the
 band just went '�poom'�.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 Cool bands never go to their own
 after parties. It's just the
 desperate people trying to rub
 elbows with label guys.
 KIM PINE
 Then why would we...oh.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 Neil, you down?
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 85.
 80 CONTINUED: 80
 Neil is at the counter with a catatonic Knives. He shrugs.
 STEPHEN STILLS (CONT'D)
 Scott? You're in right?
 RAMONA
 Do you want to go?
 SCOTT
 I kind of almost died back there, so...
 RAMONA
 I'm not saying I want to go.
 SCOTT
 Hey, we can totally go.
 RAMONA
 I'll do whatever you want to do.
 SCOTT
 So let's go.
 Scott takes another bite. Other Scott whispers to Wallace.
 OTHER SCOTT
 Are Scott and Ramona fighting?
 WALLACE
 Not to my knowledge.
 OTHER SCOTT
 Oh.
 WALLACE
 I mean, not with fists.
 OTHER SCOTT
 Oh.
 WALLACE
 Yet.
 OTHER SCOTT
 Ooh.
 81 EXT. AFTER PARTY - NIGHT 81
 The whole gang trudge to the after party. Scott limps a bit,
 lagging behind. Ramona falls back with him.
 RAMONA
 We really don't have to go to this
 thing. It'll probably be a bad
 scene all around and we've already
 had a full night.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 85A.
 81 CONTINUED: 81
 SCOTT
 No, I'm fine, I'm fine. It's just-
 RAMONA
 It's just...?
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 86.
 81 CONTINUED: (2) 81
 SCOTT
 Well, not that fighting harder and
 harder battles for your love is
 getting old or anything...but have
 you ever dated someone who wasn't a
 total ass?
 RAMONA
 So far you're not a total ass.
 SCOTT
 But I'm part ass?
 RAMONA
 If it makes you feel better, you're
 the nicest guy I've dated.
 SCOTT
 Wait...is that good?
 RAMONA
 It's what I need right now.
 SCOTT
 But not...later?
 RAMONA
 Scott, I don't have all the
 answers. I'd just like to live in
 the moment if I can.
 SCOTT
 Yeah, I'd just like to live.
 Scott and Ramona enter a big, fartsy, artsy WAREHOUSE.
 82 INT. AFTER PARTY - CONTINUOUS 82
 RAMONA
 Okay, I know Todd was bad news. But
 are you saying Envy wasn't? We all
 have baggage.
 SCOTT
 My baggage doesn't try and kill me
 every five minutes. What did you do
 to your ex-boyfriends to make them
 so insane?
 RAMONA
 Exes.
 SCOTT
 WHATEVER-
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 87.
 82 CONTINUED: 82
 RAMONA
 No break up is painless. Someone
 always gets hurt. What about you
 and that girl Knives?
 SCOTT
 Knives?
 RAMONA
 Who broke up with who?
 SCOTT
 I believe...I broke up with her.
 RAMONA
 And was she cool with that?
 SCOTT
 Knives is with Young Neil now,
 she's totally cool with it.
 They pass Knives and Young Neil. She seemingly has no
 interest in her date and simply stares at Scott lovingly.
 RAMONA
 You sure about that?
 SCOTT
 Yeah. She's very mature for her
 age. It was a very healthy break
 up. We're all peaches and gravy.
 We hear an offscreen distant '�nooooo' from Knives.
 RAMONA
 And what about you and Kim?
 They pass Kim. She's also staring at Scott. Not lovingly.
 SCOTT
 Me and Kim? I can barely remember.
 Why, is it important?
 RAMONA
 Hey, you want to know everything
 about my past, dude.
 SCOTT
 It was just...yeah. I don't know.
 It was high school. She had
 freckles. It was cool, I guess.
 RAMONA
 That's it?
 SCOTT
 Yeah, it kind of ended. We changed.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 88.
 82 CONTINUED: (2) 82
 Scott and Ramona have reached the bar at the party.
 RAMONA
 That's really the whole story?
 SCOTT
 OKAY! I had to fight a dude to get
 with her! I fought a crazy eighty
 foot tall purple suited dude! And I
 had to fight 96 guys to get to him,
 too! He was flying and shooting
 lightning bolts from his eyes! He
 was totally awesome and I kicked
 him so far he saw the curvature of
 the earth! Does that make you feel
 any better?
 RAMONA
 Well now you are being a total ass.
 Welcome to the club.
 In the back glass of the bar, Scott sees his reflection:
 fringed hair, wicked glare. He catches himself.
 SCOTT
 Sorry. I'm not usually like this.
 RAMONA
 Hey, don't worry. I don't know what
 I'm like anymore.
 SCOTT
 I guess this whole ex-boyfriends thing
 is really messing with my head.
 RAMONA
 Exes.
 SCOTT
 Why do you keep saying-
 PAF! A foot appears out of nowhere and KICKS Scott in the
 head, sending him flying across the dance floor.
 Scott looks up at his opponent, the MYSTERY ATTACKER!
 SCOTT (CONT'D)
 Girl from earlier?
 RAMONA
 Roxy?
 Scott gets up. The three square off in a triangle.
 SCOTT
 You know this girl?
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 89.
 82 CONTINUED: (3) 82
 ROXY
 Oh boy, does she know me.
 SCOTT
 What...is...she...talking about?
 ROXY
 He really doesn't know?
 SCOTT
 (ping!)
 You and her?!
 '�ROXY RICHTER, 23, 4TH EVIL EX : SAPPHIC AGGRESSIVE.'�
 RAMONA
 It was just a phase.
 ROXY
 Just a phase?
 SCOTT
 You had a sexy phase?
 RAMONA
 I didn't think it would count! It
 meant nothing.
 ROXY
 It meant nothing???
 RAMONA
 I was just a little bi-curious.
 ROXY
 Well honey, I'm a little bi-furious!
 Roxy throws a SCORPION KICK at Scott's face. Ramona CATCHES
 her foot mid-air. Roxy flips out of the hold.
 RAMONA
 Do that again and I will end you.
 ROXY
 Back off hasbian. If Gideon can't
 have you, no one can. The League
 hath spoken.
 The girls square off, clearing the busy dance floor.
 RAMONA
 Then Gideon best get his pretentious
 ass up here, '�cos I'm about to kick
 yours out of the Great White North.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 90.
 82 CONTINUED: (4) 82
 ROXY
 You unbelievable bitch.
 RAMONA pulls a LARGE HAMMER from her purse.
 RAMONA
 Believe it.
 An embarrassed Scott watches with the rest of the crowd.
 SCOTT
 Wallace?
 WALLACE
 Uh huh?
 SCOTT
 This is happening right?
 WALLACE
 Uh huh.
 SCOTT
 I mean, this is live?
 WALLACE
 Oh yeah. KICK HER IN THE BALLS,
 RAMONA!
 With blinding speed, Roxy slips her belt off and WHIPS A
 RAZOR SHARP FLYING GUILLOTINE BELT BUCKLE at Ramona! Ramona
 CARTWHEELS as the buckle sails between her legs and SMASHES
 into a DISCO BALL. Mirrored shards fly everywhere.
 PAF! Roxy vanishes as Ramona SWINGS the hammer at her. It
 smashes a speaker. Sound on one side of the room cuts out.
 Ramona turns around just in time to see Roxy's deadly belt
 SAILING towards her. She BLOCKS with the hammer. The belt
 wraps around it. Roxy HURLS the hammer out the window.
 ROXY
 I'm sending you back to Gideon in a
 thousand pieces, you slag.
 Ramona springs off of various pieces of furniture, LEAPING
 towards Roxy and PUNCHING HER IN THE FACE. Roxy REELS and
 SLAMS into the wall, leaving a dent in it.
 RAMONA
 I'd rather be dead than go back.
 He's a creep, you're a bitch and
 you all deserve each other.
 ROXY
 Give it a rest, Ramona. This is a
 League game.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 90A.
 82 CONTINUED: (5) 82
 RAMONA
 Meaning?
 Roxy points an accusing finger at the mortified Scott.
 ROXY
 Meaning your precious Scott must
 defeat me with his own fists. Or
 possibly feet.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 91.
 82 CONTINUED: (6) 82
 SCOTT
 I'm not sure I can hit a girl.
 They're soft.
 RAMONA
 You don't have a choice.
 Ramona positions Scott into a fighting stance as Roxy CHARGES
 with deadly intent. Ramona puppeteers Scott into a furious
 volley of PUNCHES on Roxy. She staggers, winces.
 ROXY
 Fight your own battles, lazy ass!
 PAF! Roxy disappears then REAPPEARS between Scott and Ramona,
 kicking them apart with the splits. Roxy then KICKS Scott
 into the ceiling. He lands HARD on the floor.
 ROXY (CONT'D)
 Every Pilgrim reaches the end of his
 journey. Some sooner than others.
 Roxy lifts her leg over her head, preparing to drop her boot
 of DEATH on Scott's head. She grins at Ramona.
 ROXY (CONT'D)
 Your B.F's about to get F'd in the B!
 RAMONA
 Her weak point's the back of her knees!
 SCOTT
 What? How does that work?
 RAMONA
 Whenever we were making out, I-
 SCOTT
 Okay.
 As Roxy's leg descends, Scott reaches up with one finger and
 lightly TICKLES the back of Roxy's knee.
 GRAPHIC: '�TICKLE TICKLE!'�
 ROXY
 Oh...
 Roxy falls, still in the splits, throbbing with orgasmic
 meltdown. Scott watches as Roxy giggles between spasms.
 ROXY (CONT'D)
 You'll...never...be able to do this
 to herrrrrrrrrrr!
 Roxy screams in ecstasy before EXPLODING into COINS. A spent
 Scott is left standing in the middle of the room.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 91A.
 82 CONTINUED: (7) 82
 The party starts up again, a wave of gossip spreading around
 the room. People text furiously and point fingers at Scott.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 92.
 82 CONTINUED: (8) 82
 Scott flushes red and retreats back to the bar. Ramona
 follows tentatively. The gossip echoes around them.
 RAMONA
 Sooooo...
 SCOTT
 Two gin and tonics please.
 RAMONA
 I thought you didn't drink.
 SCOTT
 Only on special occasions. Why? Did
 you want one?
 Scott swigs down his drink. Ramona tries to lighten things.
 RAMONA
 I guess we really don't know that
 much about each other do we?
 Scott seems immediately drunk.
 SCOTT
 Maybe you could just give me a list
 of all your exes so at least I know
 who's going to beat my ass into the
 ground next.
 RAMONA
 Oh, like a handy little laminate or
 something? Let me see if I can find one.
 (looks through bag)
 Maybe we could exchange our information.
 Scott has already downed his second drink.
 SCOTT
 Just out of sheer curiosity and
 concern for my mortal well-being,
 is there anyone at this party you
 haven't slept with?
 EVERY GUY AND GIRL AT THE PARTY
 HEY!
 Ramona stops. Looks hurt. She touches her hair.
 RAMONA
 I really think we should split.
 SCOTT
 As in '�get out of here'? Or as in
 '�split split'?
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 92A.
 82 CONTINUED: (9) 82
 RAMONA
 I'd hope you could figure that out.
 Or did you miss the part where I
 saved your ass?
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 93.
 82 CONTINUED: (10) 82
 SCOTT
 How could I not? I feel like we just
 washed our sexy laundry in public.
 RAMONA
 Dirty laundry. You're drunk.
 SCOTT
 (holds up 2 fingers)
 I've had like one drink.
 RAMONA
 Well I'm sorry I cared. I don't
 enjoy all this Scott. In fact I'm
 sick of it. I thought you might be
 more understanding.
 SCOTT
 I JUST-
 RAMONA
 You're just another evil ex-
 boyfriend waiting to happen.
 Ramona walks off and loudly announces.
 RAMONA (CONT'D)
 And yes, there is someone at this
 party I haven't slept with. You.
 Ramona leaves. Another crescendo of gossip echoes around the
 room. Scott's friends gather round in a pity party.
 But then - Ramona returns, handing Scott a LAMINATED LIST.
 RAMONA (CONT'D)
 P.S. Here's your stupid list.
 Ramona exits proper. Scott looks at the list. It reads-
 '�PATEL, LEE, INGRAM, RICHTER, KATAYANAGI TWINS, GIDEON...'�
 SCOTT
 Who the hell are the Katayanagi Twins?
 STEPHEN STILLS
 You don't know?
 83 INT. STEPHEN STILLS' HOUSE - NIGHT 83
 Stills flips to hand drawn sketches of THE KATAYANAGIS,
 identical Asian twins dressed like pretentious New Wave fops.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 They're the next band in the battle
 and they are badass.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 94.
 83 CONTINUED: 83
 We reveal a grim, terse Scott playing a doomy bassline. The
 rehearsal room feels empty without Knives or Ramona.
 KIM PINE
 Ramona dated twins?
 SCOTT
 Apparently.
 YOUNG NEIL
 At the same time?
 SCOTT
 You know what? I don't know and I
 don't want to know.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 Good. You know how I feel about
 girls cockblocking the rock.
 SCOTT
 Good. I play better in a bad mood.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 If it's gonna be an issue though,
 Young Neil can fill in for you.
 SCOTT
 It's not an issue. You know bands,
 I know battles. We got it covered.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 Well, we'd understand if you didn't
 want to take part.
 SCOTT
 Not only do I want to take part. I
 want to take them apart.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 Okay. I'm getting tingles.
 YOUNG NEIL
 Whoa...
 84 EXT. THE NINTH CIRCLE - NIGHT 84
 Sex Bob-Omb and Young Neil load their gear at the venue.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 Okay. We're doomed.
 YOUNG NEIL
 Oh...
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 94A.
 84 CONTINUED: 84
 Flyers cover the outside walls of another rock venue;
 '�T.I.B.B! SEX BOB-OMB!! THE KATAYANAGI TWINS!!! AMP VERSUS
 AMP!!!! TWO BANDS ENTER!!!!!! ONE BAND LEAVES!!!!!!!!!!!'�
 KIM PINE
 That flyer needs more exclamation marks.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 95.
 84 CONTINUED: (2) 84
 STEPHEN STILLS
 Oh, we are going to get killed.
 YOUNG NEIL
 Come on. You're onstage in five.
 SCOTT
 Aren't the Katamaris or whatever on
 first?
 YOUNG NEIL
 I think you're both on first?
 STEPHEN STILLS
 Wait...amp versus amp? We're going
 on stage at the same time?
 SCOTT
 That's impossible-
 85 INT. THE NINTH CIRCLE, STAGE - NIGHT 85
 '�ACTUALLY, NO'�
 Two stages sit on either side of the auditorium. On one: a
 MONOLITHIC WALL OF ELK AMPLIFIERS. On the other, SEX BOB-OMB,
 with their dinky LAME BRAND amps behind them.
 SCOTT
 Okay. My bad.
 KIM PINE
 Your bad is saying my bad.
 Sex Bob-Omb stare up at the Katayanagi amps, sweating behind
 their instruments. Stills looks into the audience positioned
 between the bands: a legion of identical INDIE TEENS.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 We shouldn't even be here. We
 shouldn't even be here.
 Stills tries to run. Scott grabs him and pulls him back.
 SCOTT
 Come on man! I put aside my
 problems for the music. If I can do
 that, we can do anything.
 KIM PINE
 Did you speak to Ramona then?
 SCOTT
 What? No. I haven't seen her since
 the other night.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 95A.
 85 CONTINUED: 85
 KIM PINE
 Oh. She's totally here.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 96.
 85 CONTINUED: (2) 85
 Kim points to RAMONA in the crowd. She is totally there. Her
 hair is now the BRIGHTEST GREEN, and she stands next to a
 nondescript MYSTERY GEEK in blazer and black rimmed glasses.
 They are chatting. She looks happy. Scott turns bleak again.
 KIM PINE
 Scott? Not that I care...but you should
 talk to her before she's gone...
 SCOTT
 THANKS KI-
 KIM PINE
 And I really don't care.
 Scott nods at Kim's advice. He looks back to the crowd to
 find the MYSTERY GEEK staring right at him. Then-
 Disorienting LIGHTS and LASERS flash on the opposite stage.
 A wall of FEEDBACK builds...THE KATAYANAGI TWINS appear,
 sliding onstage behind their respective keyboard stands.
 KYLE KATAYANAGI, 23, is very serious and Japanese. KEN
 KATAYANAGI, 23, is serious and very Japanese.
 Scott, Stephen Stills and Kim share a nervous look.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 Okay gang. Can we do this? I mean,
 we can do this. Right?
 KIM PINE
 Right.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 Scott?
 Scott is distracted again by the Mystery Geek staring at him.
 KIM PINE
 Scott!
 Kyle Katayanagi hits a SINGLE NOTE on the keyboard, blasting
 an enormous wave of sound at Sex Bob-Omb. It's so loud that
 it shakes the foundations and rips the lighting rig from the
 ceiling, leaving a huge hole in the roof. The crowd cheers.
 AUDIENCE DUDE (O.S.)
 They brought the house down.
 Now an open air venue, SNOW falls onto the stage. An earth
 shaking BASS NOTE blows the dust off Sex Bob-Omb...
 Scott and Stills get into battle position. Scott screams!
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 97.
 85 CONTINUED: (3) 85
 SCOTT
 WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB! WE ARE HERE TO
 MAKE YOU THINK ABOUT DEATH AND GET
 SAD AND STUFF! 1-2-3-4!
 Sex Bob-Omb ROCK OUT, their sound blowing a mass of snow
 towards the Katayanagis. For once, they sound awesome.
 Kyle looks at Ken. They share a nod. Ken turns their amps up
 to the Japanese character for '�11'�. Their waveforms transform
 the swirling snow into a TWO HEADED WHITE DRAGON!
 Katayanagi SLAM their Moogs. Heavy weirdness EXPLODES from
 the amps! The Dragon blows a BLAST of snowy fire that BLOWS
 SEX BOB-OMB OFF THE STAGE. The crowd ERUPTS into cheers.
 Scott, Kim and Stills lie in a heap under their instruments.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 Let's break up now and get it over
 with. We screwed the pooch in front
 of Gideon Graves. We're done.
 SCOTT
 Gideon...is here? Where?
 Stills points to the '�Mystery Geek'�, who smirks and whispers
 in Ramona's ear. This is GIDEON GRAVES, 37, ASSHOLE.
 SCOTT
 That's Gideon?
 Scott's eyes reflect Ramona's hair and turn GREEN. He
 struggles to his feet. The crowd slowly stops clapping as
 Scott pulls Stills to his feet, then helps Kim up.
 SCOTT
 Alright. Let's do this!
 Kim, inspired by Scott's new hardcore attitude, comes in
 heavy on the kick drum. BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM!
 Heads nod in time as Sex Bob-Omb ROCK OUT! Their waveforms
 transform a mass of snow into a GREEN EYED YETI!
 The Katayanagis fight back with their future sounds and their
 Sonic Dragon stalks towards Sex Bob-Omb, slinking on perfect
 beat with the Katayanagis' spooky music.
 The Yeti and the Dragons CLASH at center stage, fighting in
 time to the music!
 Scott and Stills bring their pick hands down like fierce
 PUNCHES. The Yeti brings it's fists down on The Dragon. Sex
 Bob-Omb HAMMER DOWN THE FINAL NOTE:
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 98.
 85 CONTINUED: (4) 85
 The Yeti picks up The Dragon and THROWS it at the Katayanagi
 Twins, EXPLODING them and their amps into COINS.
 '�+999 ROCKING'�
 KIM PINE
 That...was epic.
 The crowd goes bazooky. A DISEMBODIED SCOTT HEAD appears,
 hovering next to Scott.
 Scott looks for Ramona in the crowd, but she and Gideon are
 gone. Scott hands his bass to Young Neil.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 Scott. What are you doing?
 SCOTT
 Getting a life.
 Scott swipes the SCOTT HEAD and jumps into the still-
 applauding crowd. He can't find Ramona, but comes upon KNIVES
 standing alone in her homemade Sex Bob-Omb T-shirt.
 KNIVES CHAU
 I just came to see the show. I'm
 not even stalking you.
 Knives's unusally composed demeanor gives Scott pause.
 SCOTT
 You seem... different.
 Knives shrugs, different.
 KNIVES CHAU
 I feel like I know stuff now.
 Scott and Knives lock eyes. Scott suddenly spots a flash of
 GREEN HAIR exiting the building.
 SCOTT
 Ramona...
 Scott follows. Knives watches him go, eyes narrowing.
 86 EXT. THE NINTH CIRCLE - NIGHT 86
 Scott chases Ramona down the street outside the venue.
 SCOTT
 Ramona. I have something I need to
 tell you.
 RAMONA
 Yeah, I have something to-
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 98A.
 86 CONTINUED: 86
 SCOTT
 (RUSHED)
 Great. Listen, I know you just play
 mysterious and aloof to avoid
 getting hurt. I know you have
 reasons for not wanting to talk
 about your past. And I want you to
 know, I don't care about any of
 that stuff. Why? Because I'm in
 lesbians with you.
 RAMONA
 What?
 SCOTT
 I really, really mean it.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 99.
 86 CONTINUED: (2) 86
 RAMONA
 Oh. Okay.
 SCOTT
 What did you want to tell me?
 RAMONA
 That we have to break up.
 SCOTT
 What?
 RAMONA
 Yeah...it's not going to work out.
 SCOTT
 Oh okay...
 A sleek black '�61 Lincoln Continental pulls up behind.
 RAMONA
 It's Gideon. I just...I can't help
 myself around him.
 VOICE (O.S.)
 That's the bad news.
 GIDEON GRAVES appears behind Scott with Stills and Kim in
 tow. The Lincoln parks. A driver opens the passenger door.
 GIDEON GRAVES
 The good news, Scottie, is I'm
 officially loving the Sex Bombs.
 SCOTT
 Bob-omb.
 GIDEON GRAVES
 Three piece rock outfit with a semi-
 attractive female drummer? Music to
 my earholes.
 Scott glowers. Ramona looks at the floor. Stills is ga-ga.
 TEXT: An arrow points to Stills' crotch, captioned '�PEE'�.
 GIDEON GRAVES
 You know, I'm not even going to wait
 to see how you guys do in the final.
 I'm signing you right now for a three
 album deal.
 Gideon produces a CONTRACT and clicks a pen.
 GIDEON GRAVES
 See? I'm not such a bad guy after
 all.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 99A.
 86 CONTINUED: (3) 86
 Scott GRABS the contract and throws it onto the sidewalk.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 100.
 86 CONTINUED: (4) 86
 SCOTT
 You think we're gonna sell our
 souls to you? Well then guess-
 We hear SCRIBBLING. Stills has picked up the contract and is
 furiously signing it using Scott's back. Kim shrugs and signs
 it too, before trying to hand it back to Scott.
 SCOTT
 Nuh-uh. I can't be part of the band
 with this douche-in-charge.
 GIDEON GRAVES
 Scottie, buddy, can I just say,
 keep your emotions in check. Don't
 let what's past screw up your
 future.
 Scott watches Ramona get into the Continental. She rolls the
 mirrored window up so Scott stares at his own reflection.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 The people need to hear us, Scott.
 SCOTT
 Then you're going to need to find
 someone else to play bass.
 A cough. A meek Young Neil slides into view, bass in hand.
 GIDEON
 Looks like we're all set.
 Young Neil signs the contract. There are hand shakes all
 round. Gideon turns to Scott and pats him on the shoulder.
 GIDEON
 Oh and Scott, we should really be
 thanking each other. I mean, if it
 wasn't for me, you would have never
 been with Ramona, but if it wasn't
 for you, she wouldn't be back with
 me. So I guess it all shakes out.
 Gideon walks around to the driver side of the Lincoln.
 GIDEON
 And hey, the whole League of Evil
 Exes thing? I was in a dark place
 when I put that together. Forgiven?
 Gideon disappears into the Lincoln and drives off and Sex
 Bob-Omb drift away. Scott stands alone. He slaps his head-
 SCOTT
 I said '�lesbians'!
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 100A.
 87 INT. THE BUS / GIDEON'S LINCOLN - NIGHT 87
 Scott sits on the bus alone, thinking about Ramona...
 Ramona sits expressionless in the back of Gideon's car...
 Scott tries desperately to think positive...
 A smiling Gideon sidles closer to Ramona...
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 101.
 87 CONTINUED: 87
 Scott walks forlornly down an empty street and bumps his head
 on a telephone pole. '�THONK'�.
 '�OH GOD WHY'�
 A88 EXT. THE PARK - NIGHT / DAY / NIGHT A88
 Scott sits on the swings, staring straight ahead.
 Night turns to day. Day turns to night.
 Scott remains in the exact same position.
 STACEY (O.S.)
 Was she really the one?
 Scott looks over to see STACEY on the swing next to him.
 SCOTT
 The wha?
 STACEY
 I mean, did you really see a future
 with this girl?
 SCOTT
 Like...with jetpacks?
 Stacey stands to go, gives Scott a hug.
 STACEY
 Time heals all wounds, little
 brother. Maybe next time let's not
 date the girl with eleven evil ex-
 boyfriends.
 SCOTT
 Seven.
 STACEY
 Oh. Well that's not so bad.
 Stacey heads off. Scott looks at the camera.
 88 INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 88
 Scott enters. Flicks the light on. Gets a shock.
 SCOTT
 Aaah!
 WALLACE (O.S.)
 TURN OFF THE LIGHT!
 Scott flicks the light off. Over PITCH BLACK...
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 102.
 88 CONTINUED: 88
 WALLACE (O.S)
 Presumably you just saw someone's
 junk, and I apologize for that.
 VOICE (O.S.)
 Sorry.
 SCOTT (O.S.)
 Was that Other Scott or Jimmy or
 someone?
 WALLACE (O.S.)
 Or someone.
 VOICE (O.S.)
 It's Chris.
 WALLACE (O.S.)
 It's Chris.
 89 INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - LATER 89
 Scott sits in the chair, wrapped in a blanket. SOME GUY lies
 in Scott's usual futon spot (wearing Wallace's monogrammed
 robe). Wallace hands Scott cocoa.
 WALLACE
 Scott, you know I love you. But I
 need my own bed tonight. For sex.
 SCOTT
 Right.
 WALLACE
 I may need it the rest of the week too.
 SCOTT
 Right.
 And the year.
 SCOTT
 I get it.
 WALLACE
 Maybe you can move in with Ramona.
 Scott stares deep into his cocoa and shakes his head.
 SCOTT
 She's with Gideon.
 WALLACE
 Ah. That sucks. But you know, it's
 probably just because he's better
 than you.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 102A.
 89 CONTINUED: 89
 Scott nods.
 WALLACE
 He'll certainly have better hair.
 Scott nods.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 103.
 89 CONTINUED: (2) 89
 WALLACE
 Either way, I think this fight is over.
 Scott nods.
 WALLACE
 You can sleep on the floor until
 you get somewhere else to stay. I
 got you muffs and blinkers in case
 this might happen.
 Wallace produces earmuffs and a sleep mask.
 SCOTT
 Thanks.
 RINGY RING. Scott stares at the phone. Some guy picks up.
 SOME GUY
 It's for Scott.
 SCOTT
 (TAKES PHONE)
 Hello?
 GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
 Hey, pal. Just wanted to say I feel
 terrible about earlier. I don't
 want any hard feelings, so I
 figured why not be the bigger man
 and give you a call.
 SCOTT
 Is Ramona with you?
 90 INT. GIDEON'S LAIR - CONTINUOUS 90
 Gideon appears to sit on some kind of throne. He calls off.
 GIDEON GRAVES
 I don't know. Are you with me?
 RAMONA (O.S.)
 Yeah.
 SCOTT (O.S.)
 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!
 GIDEON GRAVES
 Geez buddy, it's gonna be alright.
 91 INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS 91
 SCOTT
 No, I just spilled cocoa on my crotch.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 104.
 91 CONTINUED: 91
 GIDEON GRAVES (O.S)
 Sure you did. Well as you know, I'm
 opening a new Chaos Theatre in
 Toronto and The Sex Bobs are
 playing our grand opening tonight,
 and it would feel really weird for
 all of us if you weren't there.
 They just did a sound check and the
 acoustics in here are amazing.
 SCOTT
 (GRIM)
 Yeah. Maybe I'll see you there.
 GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
 I hope so, amigo. I don't want
 anymore bad blood between ex's.
 What do you say?
 SCOTT
 Mm.
 GIDEON GRAVES
 Okay laters.
 Click.
 WALLACE (O.S.)
 What a perfect asshole.
 Scott turns, alarmed. REVEAL Wallace on the other cordless.
 WALLACE
 Forget what I said earlier. Finish him.
 92 EXT. STREETS OF TORONTO - NIGHT 92
 Snow blows around a steely eyed Scott as he stomps towards a
 group of desolate WAREHOUSES near the water. A lone HIPSTER
 KID smokes a cigarette, leaning against a warehouse wall.
 HIPSTER KID
 Password?
 Scott shrugs.
 SCOTT
 Whatever.
 HIPSTER KID
 Cool.
 The Hipster Kid waves Scott in.
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 104A.
 93 INT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT 93
 The warehouse is empty. Scott follows the sound of music to a
 GATED ELEVATOR. Two Hipster Kids guard the elevator.
 HIPSTER KID
 Second password?
 Scott gives the slightest shrug.
 HIPSTER KID
 Cool.
 Scott steps into the elevator. So far so good.
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 105.
 94 INT. CHAOS THEATRE - CONTINUOUS 94
 Scott exits the elevator and steps into GIDEON'S UNDERGROUND
 LAIR OF COOL SHIT...the CHAOS THEATRE.
 All HIPSTER KIDS have gathered in one spot of ultimate
 snobbery. They are legion, wearing identical outfits; Chuck
 Taylors, skinny jeans. COMEAU holds court among them.
 COMEAU
 Yeah, their first album is so much
 better than their first album.
 Scott pushes through the idiot hordes. SEX BOB-OMB are
 playing onstage, now using SWEET BRAND amps, YOUNG NEIL on
 bass. Stills sees Scott walking by as they finish a song.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 Scott!
 Scott pauses, looking up at his former bandmates.
 STEPHEN STILLS (CONT'D)
 Let it go. Don't give him the
 satisfaction.
 SCOTT
 What if I want the satisfaction?
 STEPHEN STILLS
 Well, then you're doomed.
 GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
 Scott Pilgrim!
 Scott turns to see GIDEON sitting on a throne of cool atop a
 BLACK VELVET VIP PYRAMID. Ramona kneels at his side.
 GIDEON GRAVES
 Hey buddy, welcome to the Chaos
 Theatre. Somebody get this man a
 drink! Coke Zero right?
 A COCKTAIL WAITRESS with a fringe appears with a Coke Zero.
 Scott takes the beverage and THROWS THE CUP TO THE FLOOR!
 SCOTT
 I'm not here to drink.
 GIDEON GRAVES
 I got no beef with you.
 SCOTT
 What if I have a beef...with you?
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 106.
 94 CONTINUED: 94
 GIDEON GRAVES
 Are you still mad about that whole
 thing with the Guild?
 SCOTT
 You mean '�The League'�?
 GIDEON
 Guild, League, whatever. It's
 ancient history.
 Gideon puts his arm around Ramona.
 SCOTT
 I'll show you how ancient of
 history it is.
 Scott gets into a fighting stance. Gideon loses his cool.
 GIDEON GRAVES
 No use crying over spilt Coke,
 buddy. The lady made her choice and
 we're all gonna have to move on.
 SCOTT
 Well I ain't moving...buddy.
 GIDEON GRAVES
 You want to fight me for her?
 SCOTT
 Was that not clear?
 (to Sex Bob-Omb)
 Was that not clear?
 Sex Bob-Omb shake their heads. Gideon stands up, flexes.
 GIDEON GRAVES
 Now why on earth do you want to do that?
 SCOTT
 Because, I'm in love with her.
 Ramona and Scott lock eyes. A new power comes over Scott. He
 reaches for the HEART DESIGN printed on his ratty vintage T-
 shirt and pulls a FLAMING BLUE SWORD from his own chest.
 NARRATOR (V.O.)
 Scott earned the power of love...
 Ramona looks away from Scott. Gideon smiles.
 GIDEON GRAVES
 I think this deserves a song.
 Kimberly?
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 107.
 94 CONTINUED: (2) 94
 Kim scratches her head with her middle finger before
 grudgingly launching into a number.
 KIM PINE
 We are Sex Bob-Omb, we are here to
 make money, and sell out and stuff.
 Kim clicks out a fast tempo. Sex Bob-Omb begin to ROCK OUT.
 A HORDE OF HIPSTER INDIE KIDS ATTACK SCOTT PILGRIM, ON BEAT.
 Scott swings at them with his FLAMING BLUE SWORD. He slashes
 at them to the beat, exploding each attacker into COINS.
 Scott then RUNS up the side of the pyramid towards Gideon.
 GIDEON GRAVES
 Ramona. My cane.
 Ramona hands Gideon a cane with G-MAN engraved on the handle.
 He unsheathes a SWORD that could not have fit in there.
 Scott and Gideon LEAP towards each other...Gideon descends
 like a vulture and SMASHES the sword out of Scott's hands.
 Scott hits the ground HARD, rolling to a stop.
 SCOTT
 Your club sucks, by the way.
 Gideon approaches, to administer a final blow.
 GIDEON
 If my cathedral of cutting edge
 taste holds no interest for your
 tragically Canadian sensibilities,
 then I shall grant you a swift exit
 from the premises. And fast
 entrance into HELLLLLLL.
 Gideon raises his sword. Then from above...
 KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
 SCOOOOOOOOOTT!!!
 KNIVES CHAU sails into frame and KICKS the sword out of
 Gideon's hands. She lands awkwardly, tripping and falling
 down the side of the pyramid. Gideon chuckles.
 GIDEON GRAVES
 That is priceless.
 Scott looks to Knives, both concerned and amazed. She quickly
 recovers and POINTS a furious finger.
 '�KNIVES CHAU, 18 YEARS OLD, FUN FACT: SCOTTAHOLIC'�
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 108.
 94 CONTINUED: (3) 94
 KNIVES CHAU
 You'll pay for what you did to him!
 GIDEON GRAVES
 Listen, Kung Pao Chicken, your old
 old boyfriend brought this all on
 himself. He was warned plenty of
 times. But did he listen? Did he f-
 KNIVES CHAU
 I'm not talking to you. I'm talking
 to HER!
 Angle on a confused RAMONA standing behind Gideon.
 RAMONA
 What?
 KNIVES CHAU
 YOU BROKE THE HEART THAT BROKE
 MINE! GET READY TO CHAU DOWN!
 Knives leaps up the pyramid toward a shocked Ramona!
 RAMONA
 You're kidding right?
 Knives pulls out KNIVES and charges! Ramona fights
 defensively, redirecting Knives' parries without harming her.
 GIDEON
 You can't say I don't know how to
 put on a show.
 GIDEON lashes out at Scott. He can barely block Gideon's
 tremendous blows, distracted by his duelling exes.
 RAMONA
 What the hell is your deal?
 KNIVES CHAU
 You stole him with your advanced
 American slut technology.
 DUAL DUEL! The fighters weave in and out of each other,
 throwing blocks and punches, KUNG FU STYLE.
 RAMONA
 I don't know what you're talking
 about, I didn't steal anyone.
 Scott lands a KICK to Gideon's chest, sending him flying off
 the edge of the pyramid. He then BLOCKS a punch from Knives
 to Ramona and spins her away, separating them.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 109.
 94 CONTINUED: (4) 94
 SCOTT
 Can we please stop all this
 fighting! Nobody stole anybody.
 Knives, I dated you and then I
 dated Ramona. Okay?
 (BEAT)
 I mean...maybe I kind of forgot to
 tell Knives right away, but...
 KNIVES CHAU
 Then you cheated on me, Scott!
 (EYES NARROWING)
 You cheated on both of us.
 Knives and Ramona both look at Scott, neither amused.
 RAMONA
 You cheated on me with Knives?
 SCOTT
 No! I cheated on Knives. With you.
 RAMONA
 Is there a difference?
 SCOTT
 You weren't wronged?
 Scott breaks into a flop sweat.
 SCOTT
 Right?
 Knives and Ramona stare at Scott.
 GIDEON (O.S.)
 Game over!
 STAB! A sword pierces Scott's chest from behind.
 GIDEON GRAVES
 Scottie. You can cheat on these
 ladies all you want, but you
 can't...cheat...death.
 Scott slides off Gideon's sword and falls to the ground...
 TEXT WITH ARROW POINTING TO SCOTT: '�DEAD'�
 Everything goes white...SAND blows through frame...Scott's
 eyes blink open. He looks up into a BLINDING BLUE SKY...
 95 EXT. THE DREAM DESERT - DAY 95
 Scott sits up next to a lone cactus, rubbing his temples.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 109A.
 95 CONTINUED: 95
 SCOTT
 Ugh.
 Ramona appears out of nowhere; fainter than before.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 110.
 95 CONTINUED: (2) 95
 RAMONA
 I'm sorry. Dying probably sucks.
 SCOTT
 You know what sucks? Getting killed
 by THAT guy. Why him?
 RAMONA
 It's complicated.
 SCOTT
 Well, maybe now would be the time
 to get into it. Seeing as I'm about
 to die.
 RAMONA
 Alright... the truth is, it was me
 who was obsessed. I was crazy about
 him. But he ignored me. I was more
 alone when we were together than I
 ever was on my own. That's why I
 had to leave... and that's when he
 started paying attention.
 SCOTT
 So why go back?
 RAMONA
 I can't help myself around him,
 Scott. He just... has a way of
 getting into my head.
 SCOTT
 Well, that's legitimately
 disappointing. I really will leave
 you alone forever now...
 RAMONA
 No. I mean, he literally has a way
 of getting into my head.
 Ramona lifts her hair up on the back of her head, revealing a
 blinking CHIP implanted on her skull.
 SCOTT
 That is evil.
 RAMONA
 He's like that.
 Ramona covers the chip, self-consciously touching her hair.
 SCOTT
 So this kinda sucks for everybody, eh?
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 111.
 95 CONTINUED: (3) 95
 RAMONA
 I'm sorry it had to end this way.
 We had a good run, I guess.
 SCOTT
 You can't say I didn't try. I
 really fought for you back there.
 RAMONA
 Uh-huh.
 The winds blow harder, Ramona seeming to fade away.
 RAMONA
 But someone was fighting pretty
 hard for you back there.
 Scott's eyes go wide with epiphany,
 SCOTT
 Knives?
 RAMONA
 I wish I was ever as fanatically
 devoted to anything as that girl is
 to you.
 Ramona slowly dissolve away in the sand.
 SCOTT
 I feel like I learned something. Which
 would be great if I wasn't dead.
 Ramona is gone. Scott slumps to his knees.
 SCOTT
 So...so alone.
 DA-DING. The PILGRIM-HEAD appears and rotates around Scott.
 SCOTT
 Ahhhhhh...
 We FLASH BACK to Scott swiping the PILGRIM HEAD, then FAST
 FORWARD through the breakup with Ramona and Sex Bob-Omb. We
 hear Scott screaming throughout this magical restart.
 SCOTT
 ...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
 96 INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 96
 We FAST FORWARD all the way to Wallace's apartment, as Scott
 enters. He flicks the light on.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 112.
 96 CONTINUED: 96
 SCOTT
 ...AAAAAAAAAHHH! I CAN'T BELIEVE I
 HAD TO SEE THAT AGAIN!
 SOME GUY (O.S.)
 Again?
 WALLACE (O.S.)
 Turn off the light!
 Scott flicks the light off. On PITCH BLACK...
 SCOTT
 Wallace, when my journey began, I
 was living in an ordinary world.
 Ramona skated through my dreams and
 it was like a call to adventure, a
 call I considered refusing. But my
 Mentor, that's you, told me if I
 want something bad enough I have to
 fight for it. So I did. There were
 tests, allies, enemies. I
 approached a deep cave and went
 through a crazy ordeal, during
 which I totally seized the sword.
 Sadly, I died. Then I resurrected!
 Now I realize what I should have
 been fighting for all along. But
 before I do that, I need to ask one
 final favor of you.
 WALLACE (O.S.)
 Sure thing, guy.
 SCOTT
 Could you put a robe on and hand me
 the phone?
 Wallace flicks on a bedside lamp, hands him the phone.
 SCOTT
 Toronto. Chaos Theatre. Gideon
 Graves.
 (BEAT)
 Tell him Scott Pilgrim is calling.
 GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
 Scott. I was just about to-
 SCOTT
 Hey, pal. I feel terrible about
 everything. I don't want any hard
 feelings, so I figure why not be
 the bigger man and give you a call.
 GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
 Um...
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 112A.
 96 CONTINUED: (2) 96
 SCOTT
 Sorry, what I meant to say is '�I'm
 coming over to kill you'�.
 Scott hangs up and heads for the door, hardcore.
 WALLACE
 GO KICK THAT GUY'S ASS!
 Wallace stands to high five Scott, exposing his junk.
 WALLACE (CONT'D)
 Ah, sorry.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 113.
 96 CONTINUED: (3) 96
 SCOTT
 You seen one...
 97 EXT. STREETS OF TORONTO - DAY 97
 Scott Pilgrim RUNS towards the desolate WAREHOUSES. The same
 HIPSTER KID smokes a cigarette against the wall.
 SCOTT
 Your hair looks stupid.
 The Hipster Kid EXPLODES into COINS.
 98 INT. WAREHOUSE - DAY 98
 Scott approaches the two Hipster Kids guarding the ELEVATOR.
 HIPSTER KID
 '�Sup?
 SCOTT
 Whatever.
 Scott SPLIT KICKS them in the faces, knocking them out.
 99 INT. CHAOS THEATRE - CONTINUOUS 99
 DING! Scott exits the elevator and steps into GIDEON'S
 UNDERGROUND LAIR OF COOL SHIT: THE CHAOS THEATRE...AGAIN.
 COMEAU
 Yeah, their first album is so-
 Scott KNOCKS DOWN Comeau and looks to Sex Bob-Omb.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 Scott! Let it go.
 SCOTT
 Don't worry. I know what I'm doing.
 Stephen, the new line-up rocks. You
 guys sound better without me. Young
 Neil? You have learned well. From
 this point forward, you shall be
 known as '�Neil'�. And Kim?
 Kim looks at Scott, deadpan as ever.
 SCOTT (CONT'D)
 Sorry about...everything.
 Kim shrugs.
 SCOTT (CONT'D)
 Sorry about me.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 113A.
 99 CONTINUED: 99
 Kim SMILES at Scott for the first time ever.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 114.
 99 CONTINUED: (2) 99
 GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
 Scott Pilgrim!
 Scott turns to GIDEON on his throne, Ramona at his side.
 GIDEON GRAVES (CONT'D)
 Hey buddy, welcome to the Chaos-
 SCOTT
 Save it. You're pretentious, the club
 sucks, I have beef, let's do it.
 Scott goes straight into fight mode.
 GIDEON GRAVES
 You want to fight me for her?
 Ramona and Scott lock eyes. A strange new power overcomes
 Scott, different than before.
 SCOTT
 No...I want to fight you for me.
 Scott reaches for the HEART DESIGN printed on his ratty T-
 shirt and pulls a FLAMING RED SWORD from his own chest.
 NARRATOR (V.O.)
 Scott earned the power of self-respect.
 SCOTT
 Kim?
 KIM PINE
 WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB, AND WE ARE HERE TO
 WATCH SCOTT PILGRIM KICK YOUR TEETH
 IN!
 Kim drives a hardcore beat. Sex Bob-Omb ROCK THE FUCK OUT.
 HIPSTERS ATTACK SCOTT PILGRIM to the BEAT. Scott swings his
 FLAMING RED SWORD, exploding each attacker into COINS.
 GIDEON GRAVES
 Ramona. My cane.
 Ramona hands Gideon his cane. He unsheathes his SWORD. Scott
 and Gideon RUN towards each other, LEAPING in the air. They
 pass in the air and Scott SLASHES. They land on opposite
 sides of the platform, backs to each other.
 SCOTT
 How's it going back there?
 GIDEON GRAVES
 You dick.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 114A.
 99 CONTINUED: (3) 99
 Gideon falls down. Dead, apparently. Scott calls out.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 115.
 99 CONTINUED: (4) 99
 SCOTT
 Knives! I know you're in here!
 Don't attack Ra-
 Knives SAILS through the air and KICKS Ramona in the head
 SUPER HARD. We hear a METALLIC KLONK.
 They square off, Ramona staggered, Knives pulling KNIVES.
 KNIVES CHAU
 Steal my boyfriend, taste my steel.
 Scott jumps between them, hands held out.
 SCOTT (CONT'D)
 ENOUGH!
 Knives tries to go around him. Scott GRABS her wrists. She
 kicks him in the face.
 KNIVES CHAU
 No, Scott! This fat ass hurt me and
 I will have my revenge!
 SCOTT
 No, Knives. I hurt you. I cheated
 on you.
 Knives steps back, stunned.
 KNIVES CHAU
 You cheated on me Scott?
 SCOTT
 I cheated on both of you. And I'm
 sorry. I was a different guy back
 then.
 Knives' frown melts. Scott turns to Ramona.
 SCOTT (CONT'D)
 And...you're not a fat ass. She didn't
 mean that. So, are we all good?
 Ramona rubs the back of her head. The CHIP no longer blinks.
 RAMONA
 Never felt better.
 GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
 Are we all done with the hugging
 and learning? I thought we had a
 fight going here.
 All turn to see GIDEON; bloodied, but still grinning, a
 lopsided slash across his face accentuating his smirk.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 115A.
 99 CONTINUED: (5) 99
 SCOTT
 Oh, you got a fight alright.
 Scott steps into a fighting stance. Knives joins him.
 GIDEON
 Ramona. Are you with me?
 Ramona looks to Gideon, then joins Scott and Knives and
 STRIKES A FIGHT POSE, the three of them ready to rumble.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 116.
 99 CONTINUED: (6) 99
 GIDEON (CONT'D)
 Wrong move, baby.
 Scott ATTACKS with his sword. Gideon BLOCKS, disarms Scott
 with one move, spins and BUTTS Scott in the face with the
 hilt of the sword. Scott teeters on the edge of the pyramid.
 Knives throws her knives. Gideon's lightning fast sword
 deflects them, SHING SHING!
 Gideon wheels towards Ramona, expecting her to move. She
 looks doubtful, takes a hesitant step towards him. He grins.
 GIDEON (CONT'D)
 Yeah. You're still my girl.
 Ramona steps up to Gideon and whispers in his ear.
 RAMONA
 Let's both be girls.
 Ramona knees Gideon in the balls.
 Gideon SWINGS his sword at Ramona. Knives whips off her
 scarf, uses it to wrap up Gideon's sword arm and disarms him.
 Scott and Knives punch Gideon in the face in a volley of
 FREEZE FRAMES.
 Knives KICKS Gideon in the stomach and Scott follows with a
 PUNCH IN THE NOSE, sending Gideon sliding across the floor.
 Gideon gets back to his feet via backflip. He shakes off the
 assault and grins.
 GIDEON
 You made me swallow me gum. That's
 going to be in my digestive tract
 for seven years!
 Gideon throws a series of Wushu moves that give him a POWER
 UP - his glasses glow, his HEALTH BAR increases. He makes an
 '�X'� with his fingers and a draws a NEW POWER UP SWORD.
 He cuts big arcs at Scott, Knives and Ramona. They barely
 dodge him. Scott SPIES his sword and picks it up just in time
 to BLOCK Gideon's attack. The swords create an '�X'�.
 Ramona KICKS. Gideon BLOCKS, knocking her down.
 Gideon swings at Scott. Scott ducks. Knives attacks and
 scores a hit. Gideon hits her back, dropping her.
 SCOTT ATTACKS. They fence. Gideon spins low. Scott leaps in
 the air. Gideon spins again and swings upward. Scott blocks
 with his sword and is sent UP into the air. Gideon jumps
 after him. They CLASH in the air. Scott's sword SHATTERS.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 116A.
 99 CONTINUED: (7) 99
 Scott lands hard. Gideon lands in front of him and raises his
 sword for the kill. Ramona swings Gideon's VELVET ROPE,
 cancelling out Gideon's digital sword.
 Gideon SLAPS Ramona in the face and sends her painfully
 tumbling down the pyramid. She lands painfully at the bottom.
 Knives and Scott share a look. They Get up and circle Gideon.
 COMBO ATTACK! FREEZE FRAME PUNCHES: Knives kicks and Scott
 punches, sending Gideon back and forth like a pinball: KICK
 PUNCH KICK PUNCH KICK! Gideon's face smashes with each
 impact.
 Ramona rises to see Scott and Knives kicking ass.
 Scott slides Knives through Gideon's legs. From the floor,
 she kicks him in the back of the head, then upends him like a
 wheelbarrow and KICKS HIM IN THE FACE, sending him spinning.
 Gideon lands HARD on his knees, defeated. One lens of his
 glasses cracks. He looks up at the steely eyed Scott.
 GIDEON (CONT'D)
 Who do you think you are Pilgrim?
 You think you're better than me?
 I'll tell you what you are. A pain
 in my ass. You know how long it
 took to get all the evil exes'
 contact information so I could form
 this stupid league? Like two hours!
 Gideon starts to pixellate quite badly. Not long now...
 GIDEON (CONT'D)
 You're not cool enough for Ramona.
 You're zero. You're nothing. Me?
 I'm what's hip. I'm what's
 happening. I'm blowing up right
 now.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 117.
 99 CONTINUED: (8) 99
 SCOTT
 You're right. I'm not cool enough
 for Ramona. And you got another
 thing right. You are blowing up.
 Right now.
 Scott spins and BACK HEELS Gideon in the face.
 Gideon's head EXPLODES, his glasses SAILING down the steps of
 the pyramid. Then his body follows suit in an almighty-
 POOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!
 SHIMMERING COINS rain down. Scott and Knives kiss.
 YOUNG NEIL
 Whoa...
 KIM PINE
 There goes our deal.
 STEPHEN STILLS
 We're still getting paid, right?
 Kim points to the falling coins.
 KIM PINE
 There goes our deal.
 YOUNG NEIL
 Oh...
 Stills jumps off stage and picks up coins.
 The coin rain continues, silhouetting Scott and Knives in
 their kung fu poses. They share a smile.
 RAMONA (O.S.)
 You two make a good combo.
 Ramona, awake now, makes her way towards them.
 SCOTT
 Yeah?
 RAMONA
 Yeah.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 118.
 99 CONTINUED: (9) 99
 The trio walk down the pyramid steps. Scott picks up Gideon's
 fallen glasses.
 The glasses GLIMMER. GIDEON'S VOICE echoes.
 GIDEON'S VOICE (O.S.)
 You can defeat me...but can you
 defeat...yourself?
 Scott peers into the glimmering lenses, spotting his EVIL
 MIRROR IMAGE staring back at him. The glasses dissolve and
 Scott whips around to face...
 KNIVES CHAU
 Negascott!
 NEGASCOTT walks towards Scott, Knives and Ramona. Fringed
 hair. Dark clothes. Evil face.
 Knives and Ramona flank Scott in a fighting stance.
 SCOTT
 No. This is something I have to
 face on my own.
 The girls reluctantly exit stage left as Scott walks forward
 to confront his dark side.
 Scott and Negascott face off. Both take a step forward...
 100-103 OMITTED 100-103
 104 EXT. THE WAREHOUSE - EVENING 104
 Knives and Ramona huddle in the snow outside Chaos Theatre.
 They look expectantly at the entrance, worried for Scott.
 Then...
 Scott strolls out with Negascott. They chat amiably, shake
 hands and part ways. Scott approaches Knives and Ramona.
 KNIVES CHAU
 What happened?
 SCOTT
 Aw, nothing. We just shot the shit.
 He's a super-nice guy. We actually
 have a lot in common.
 Scott runs his fingers through his hair.
 KNIVES CHAU
 Your hair.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 118A.
 104 CONTINUED: 104
 SCOTT
 What?
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 119.
 104 CONTINUED: (2) 104
 KNIVES CHAU
 It's getting really shaggy.
 Scott's HAT appears on his head! He looks totally freked.
 SCOTT
 Yeah?
 KNIVES CHAU
 I like it.
 Knives removes the hat from Scott's head, literally taking
 his guard down. Ramona sees this and smiles.
 SCOTT
 You do?
 Scott smiles, then realizes Ramona has gone. He turns to see
 her, pulling her hood up and walking into the darkness.
 Scott calls after her. Steps tentatively away from Knives.
 SCOTT
 Hey... Where are you going?
 Ramona, hoping to slip away, stops and turns back.
 RAMONA
 I dunno. I should probably
 disappear.
 SCOTT
 After all that?
 RAMONA
 It's hard, you know? I came here to
 get away, but the past keeps
 catching up. I'm tired of people
 getting hurt because of me.
 Ramona looks at Knives as she says this.
 SCOTT
 I think I understand.
 Snow begins to fall. Ramona straightens his parka tenderly.
 RAMONA
 I should tahnk you, though.
 SCOTT
 For what?
 RAMONA
 For being the nicest guy I ever
 dated.
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 119A.
 104 CONTINUED: (3) 104
 SCOTT
 That's kind of sad.
 RAMONA
 (ALMOST LAUGHING)
 It is kind of sad.
 She takes his hand briefly, then lets it drop.
 RAMONA
 Well... Bye and stuff.
 SCOTT
 Yeah. And stuff.
 She turns to walk off again. Scott watches, then hears-
 KNIVES (O.S.)
 Go get her.
 Surprised, Scott turns back to see a smiling Knives.
 SCOTT
 Wha?
 KNIVES
 You earned it. You've been fighting
 for her all along.
 SCOTT
 But what about you?
 KNIVES
 (totally sweet and sad)
 I'll be fine. I'm too cool for you
 anyway.
 She grins and kisses his cheek.
 KNIVES
 There's someone out there for me.
 We hear a COUGH - Young Neil sidles into frame behind her.
 Guitar still in hand.
 We hear a 2ND COUGH - Nega Scott also sidles into frame.
 Knives doesn't look back, but urges Scott to-
 KNIVES
 Go talk to her. Before she's gone.
 Ramona walks on into the night alone, but then-
 SCOTT (O.S.)
 Hey... mind if I tag along?
 (CONTINUED)
 
 
 
 
 INTEGRATED FINAL 119B.
 104 CONTINUED: (4) 104
 Ramona is flabbergasted to see a cheery Scott walk alongside.
 RAMONA
 You want to come with me?
 SCOTT
 (HOPEFUL)
 I thought maybe we could... try
 again?
 Ramona smiles. She holds out her hand like in the park scene
 earlier. Scott takes it.
 We see the door with the star on it, standing right in the
 middle of the street, snow swirling around it.
 Scott and Ramona walk towards the door, sunrise coming up
 over Toronto, night magically turning to day, winter turning
 to spring.
 Over this magical transformation, we hear a lush rendition of
 '�Ramona' swelling and hear whispers of gossip over Toronto's
 cell phone airwaves.
 JULIE (V.O.)
 Oh my God, can I blow your mind?
 Scott Pilgrim totally threw down
 with Gideon Graves at the grand
 opening of Chaos Theater. Yeah, it
 was apparently awesome.
 STACEY (V.O.)
 Oh my God, it was a HUGE fight. I
 mean bananas. My little brother
 kicked a guy's head off. Literally.
 It was unbelievable. Someone
 seriously should have been filming
 it.
 Scott and Ramona walk through the door. Tilt up to the
 heavens and reveal the CONTINUE graphic in the stars.
 CONTINUE? 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...
Category:Transcripts
Category:Universal Pictures Transcripts