Art of the Coup

Art of the Coup is the tenth episode of season five, and the fifty-second episode overall, of No Malarkey in Bikini Bottom. It premiered on August 9, 2021. 
Category:No Malarkey in Bikini Bottom
Category:No Malarkey in Bikini Bottom Fifth Season
==Synopsis==
Mr. Lobster attempts to perform a fascist coup in Bolivia in order to win his wife back.
== Transcript ==
[The episode opens at the Lobster bedroom, where Mrs. Lobster is “fucking” Mr. G]
Mrs. Lobster: HARDER, KELPY, HARDER!
[Mr. G rapidly shoves his nose in and out of Mrs. Lobster’s pussy, when Mr. Lobster opens the door.]
Mr. Lobster: WHAT IN THE—
Mrs. Lobster: [turns to Larry] Hi, Larry. [turns back to Mr. G] I SAID HARDER!
Mr. G: Okay, okay! [shoves his nose in and out of Mrs. Lobster’s pussy even more rapidly]
Mr. Lobster: Nope. 
[Mr. Lobster grabs Mr. G by his big nose and throws him out of the house]
Mrs. Lobster: Larry, what are you doing?!
Mr. Lobster: No, what are YOU doing?!
Mrs. Lobster: I’m trying to get some of Mr. G’s ink!
Mr. Lobster: You can’t do that! That’s cheating! I’m your husband, and you can’t get anyone’s ink but mine!
Mrs. Lobster: I only “fuck” men who can do successful coups.
Mr. Lobster: WHAT
Mrs. Lobster: Indeed. Because of Mr. G, Biden is in the White House, even though Trump won the election! You tried to stop it, but you failed. A short time later, you tried to install Tump as the Leader of the Moon, but you failed again. And now you’ve just failed at installing him as the student body president! If you fail at doing a coup one more time, I’m divorcing you!
Mr. Lobster: But—
Mrs. Lobster: Get out of my sight!
[Mr. Lobster leaves the house and starts driving his boat.]
Mr. Lobster: Ugh, how can my wife love me again?
Mr. Perkins: [on the radio] This just in, experts are worried that a coup may take place in Bolivia in the coming days. Their socialist president, Evo Morales, won a presidential election a few weeks earlier, but the results have been disputed. Their military is in support of a coup to overthrow him and appoint Jeanine Anez as the next president.
Mr. Lobster: Man, I wish our military would overthrow the government and hand it to OUR ONE TRUE PRESIDENT DONALD J. TRUMP!
Mr. Perkins: Anez is reportedly looking for experienced and skilled volunteers for assistance in this endeavor.
Mr. Lobster: Hmm...this could be my chance! If I assist Anez, and the Bolivian government is overthrown, the love of my life will “fuck” me once again!
[Mr. Lobster drives to the Bikini Bottom Airport and flies to Bolivia, where he meets Mrs. Anez.]
Mr. Lobster: Mrs. Anez, I would like to volunteer in your coup!
Mrs. Anez: Do you have any experience?
Mr. Lobster: I led two previous coups, one on Capitol Hill and one on the Moon.
Mrs. Anez: Both of those failed miserably. How can I be sure you couldn’t screw something up this time?
Mr. Lobster: Watch this. [sniffs] Hmm...I smell...COMMUNISM! [takes out a bomb and throws it at a Bolivian Movement For Socialism rally a hundred miles away]
Mrs. Anez: Woah, how can you do that?
Mr. Lobster: They, in unsurprising communist fashion, served vegan food!. Not that many people know this, but you can smell veganism. A co-worker taught me how the other day.
Mrs. Anez: I see. Congratulations, you’re hired!
[Cut to the Casa Grande del Pueblo, the residence of the Bolivian president.]
Mr. Morales: [puts on his presidential sash] What should we do today, General?
Mr. Kaliman: You need to resign now, Mr. President, a coup is inevitable.
Mr. Morales: [laughs] Nonsense. [takes out and gives Mr. Kaliman a photo of Mr. Lobster screaming] This lobster is the muscle behind the coup. He failed twice before, so I doubt he would be successful this time.
Mr. Kaliman: In both instances, the armies of the governments he tried to overthrow didn’t cooperate with him.
Mr. Morales: And our army will certainly not cooperate with that deranged crustacean—
[Suddenly, Mr. Lobster kicks open the doors. Mr. Kaliman then takes off Mr. Morales’ presidential sash and gives it to Mrs. Anez.]
Mr. Kaliman: Our army? I think you mean MY army.
Mr. Morales: Damn.
Mr. Lobster: THE GOVERNMENT HAS BEEN OVERTHROWN! AND YOU!, COMMUNIST, SHALL PAY! [charges towards Mr. Morales]
Mr. Morales: AHHHHH!!!! [literally runs out of the country]
Mr. Kaliman: Why didn’t you catch him, fool, he’s gonna spread propaganda against us!
Mr. Lobster: Whatever, I’ve completed my goal of participating in a successful coup. If you really want to catch him, tell Mr. Banana that he’s a strawberry.
Mr. Kaliman: You do that! Get out of my sight! I have a Vice Presidential office to occupy now.
Ms. Anez: Well, actually...I’ve decided to make Mr. Lobster my VP.
Mr. Kaliman: WHAT
Mr. Lobster: Don’t worry, Madame President, under my tenure communism shall be eradicated here forever!
Mr. Kaliman: But Jeanine—I mean, Madame President, he doesn’t know anything about Bolivia! He doesn’t even speak Spanish!
Mr. Lobster: We don’t need Spanish, you sombrero-lover! Go eat some tacos!
Mr. Kaliman: Are we just going to ignore that offensive and ignorant language?
Ms. Anez: But that makes him a true conservative! He knows how to roll! Unlike you, some overly cautious military chief!
Mr. Kaliman: Your pathetic administration will lead to nothing but chaos.
Ms. Anez: Nonsense. As Vice President Lobster just said, my regime shall lead to the eradication of communism, and prosperity throughout Bolivia.
[A few days later, protests break out in the streets. Ms. Anez and Mr. Lobster are overlooking them from a balcony.]
Ms. Anez: Oh God, the country is falling apart. Can you, uh, violently suppress them?
Mr. Lobster: No can do, Jeanine.
Ms. Anez: WHAT [points to a protestor holding a communist flag] See that! Communism! Your greatest enemy!
Mr. Lobster: I can’t do anything without my protein shakes!
Ms. Anez: PROTEIN SHAKES?! WE’RE GONNA BE OVERTHROWN YOU IDIOT—excuse me, I’ll get someone to make you them.
Mr. Lobster: Nope. I only drink protein shakes from my gym in Bikini Bottom. I’ll be heading there now. See ya.
[Mr. Lobster flies back to Bikini Bottom.]
Ms. Anez: [mutters] Pft, I don’t need him. I’ll direct the prosperity of Bolivia by myself.
[Suddenly, the police open fire on the protestors. News agencies and camera crews depict the horrific scenes, before breaking into the balcony and confronting Ms. Anez.]
Ms. Anez: I thought I had you guys banned!
Mr. Perkins: President Anez, these increasingly bloody protests demand you hold democratic elections. Will you do it?
Ms. Anez: Absolutely not. We must focus on the forthcoming prosperity of the majority, and ignore these very minor communist agitations. It’s no big deal—
[Suddenly, the police drop a bomb on the street. The camera crews rush to film the bloodbath.]
Mr. Perkins: Make sure you get a good video of all the gruesome deaths! That’s what our viewers like to see! [turns to Ms. Anez] Sorry, I didn’t hear what you said before, what did you say?
Ms. Anez: [looks at all the destruction] Fine, elections shall be held.
[Mr. Lobster leaves the airport, goes to the gym to get a protein shake, and drives his boat back to his house.]
Mr. Lobster: [slurps his protein shake] Ah, that hits the spot.
Mr. Perkins: [on the radio] This just in, a new election has just been held in Bolivia, and a leftist party has won. The Anez-Lobster regime is officially over.
Mr. Lobster: Oh crap. What have I done? What would my wife say?
[Mr. Lobster arrives at his house and nervously steps out of the car.]
Mrs. Lobster: [from outside a window] Larry! Is that you?!
Mr. Lobster: Yes…
Mrs. Lobster: [opens the door and immediately starts sucking Mr. Lobster’s nose] Oh Larry, as you succeeded in overthrowing a government, I want to “fuck” you!
Mr. Lobster: But the leftists took it back immediately after…
Mrs. Lobster: You still succeeded, as they had to take it back.
Mr. Lobster: Well alrighty then!
[The episode ends as Mrs. Lobster “fucks” Mrs. Lobster.]
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