Race of the Idiots

The twelfth episode of the series. Enjoy!
==Script==
*(Rack is holding a boomerang in his hand.)
*Rack: Hmm, the label says this super jet boomerang goes further than any other.
*(Rack throws the boomerang. It disappears into the horizon.)
*Rack: Aw.
*(Cut to Town Hall. The boomerang is seen floating in front of the Hall until moving further away. Cut to inside.)
*Dep. Mayor: I, the deputy mayor of Mayor Miss US, announce a historic event in USville!
*US: Oh, that's the name of the town? Why didn't anyone tell me?
*Dep. Mayor: I did, seven times.
*US: That's nice, don't care.
*Dep. Mayor: Anyway............... this year, we will have our very first........... election!
*US: What's an election?
*Dep. Mayor: An election is where peopl-.
*US: You lost me with "people".
*Dep. Mayor: Well, anyway, are any of you excited?
*Woman: Who's her opponent?
*Man: Yeah, you need an opponent in an election.
*US: What!? I have to actually face someone?! This blows!
*Woman: How did you even become mayor?
*US: It was a sunny day.............
*(Flashback......)
*Announcer: Welcome to the 6th Annual Hot Dog Eating Contest! Whoever finishes first gets a shiny gold trophy and become mayor of the town!
*US: I don't know what those are, but I'm gonna win anyway!
*(US eats her plate of hot dogs quickly and finishes.)
*US: (burps): I win. Now gimme that boring stuff you were talking about!
*(Flashback ends.)
*US: Ah, memories.
*(NH is watching this on his TV in his lab.)
*NH: Yes! Yes! This is my big chance! I will finally become ruler of the town! Muhahahhahahahhaha! (Coughs.)
*(Cut back to Dep. Mayor and US.)
*Dep. Mayor: Anyone want to go against US? Anyone at all?
*Woman #2: I'm not good at politics.
*Man #2: I don't like elections.
*Man #3: I like eggs.
*US: Muhahahahhahahha, I'm gonna win by default!
*(NH comes, riding Fail Brick.)
*NH: Sign me up.
*US: NY?!
*NH: Yerp, it's me. I'm going to win, and, possibly, annihilate you!
*US: I thought we were cool, but whatever!
*NH: We barely talk to each other and I don't like you!
*US: Huh! That's it! This means war! I'm totes gonna be faster than you!
*NH: No, it's not a literal-. Never mind.
*(The Dep. Mayor whispers what the right meaning is in her ear.)
*US: Oh. Well then, you're going down NY!
*(The two walk away slowly from each other.)
*Dep. Mayor: This is gonna be one election!
*(Later. Rack is making NH wear a suit.)
*Rack: Aw, I'm so proud of you! Running for mayor! So adorable!
*NH: Rip the suit off, human! It's itchy!
*Rack: Of course not. You should look professional. You don't want to be nude, do you?
*NH: YES I DO. When I'm nude, I'm not itchy.
*Rack: Aw, I knew you'd agree with me! Now have fun!
*(NH leaves.)
*Rack: They grow up so fast! (Cries.)
*(Cut to NH outside.)
*NH: Rig!
*(Rig comes out of the bush.)
*Rig: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeees?
*NH: I'm running for mayor, and I'm choosing you as my running mate.
*Rig: Uh............. I don't think we're at that point yet. Shouldn't we get to know each other first?
*NH: No, not that meaning you dullard! I meant, you're going to be my deputy mayor if I win.
*Rig: Oh, okay! Let me go play with the squirrels first, K?
*NH: What did I tell you about playing with squirrels?
*Rig: To continue doing it and feed us piggies when we're done?
*NH: No-. Forget it. We must prepare our strategy in order to win. Any ideas?
*Rig: I like muffins.
*NH: This is going to be harder than I thought. To the lab!
*(NH runs to the lab. Rig walks to the lab.)
*(Cut to US and Dep. Mayor in Town Hall.)
*Dep. Mayor: We need a good strategy in order for you to reelected. Any ideas? Miss US? Are you paying attention?
*US: (Playing with eraser): Oh, yeah, I like the things I didn't pay attention to.
*Dep. Mayor: Miss US, if you want to stay mayor, you need to take this seriously.
*US: You need to chill out. There's no way NY can win. Everybody loves me. We got this in the bag.
*Dep. Mayor: Uh, you've gotten a lot of hate mail from many mayors.
*US: Oh, don't worry about them. They're just jealous of my perfection.
*Dep. Mayor: Anyway, let's think of ideas!
*US: Hey, I'm the mayor around here, and I say let's not!
*Dep. Mayor: But Miss US-.
*US: Chill bro. Trust me, the secret into winning an election is not doing anything at all.
*Dep. Mayor: If you say so...........
*(Cut to NH and Rig in their lab.)
*NH: Since you are obviously too idiotic to help.
*(Rig keeps running herself in the wall.)
*NH: ............I will think of our strategy. I will tell you it when I'm finished.
*Rig: (stops): Okie dokie. (Continues running into wall.)
*(Cut to US and Dep. Mayor.)
*Dep. Mayor: Are you sure we shouldn't have a strategy, Miss US?
*US: Bro, we'll be fine. We'll win easily. Just sit back and calm down.
*Dep. Mayor: I hope you're right...........
*US: I am. I know everything.
*Dep. Mayor: I hope........
*(Cut to NH and Rig.)
*NH: Alright. I have my strategy completed. Wanna hear it?
*Rig: Sure!
*(We are looking through Rig's eyes'.)
*NH: (Rig's version): We're gonna have a party, and dance with squirrelies, and eat piggies and pizza all night. And then we'll keep all the squirrelies as pets and then have waffles with razor blades and cardboard. Won't that be fun?
*Rig: Yes sir!
*NH: Did you listen to what I said?
*Rig: Yep.
*NH: Good.
*(Later.)
*NH: Alright, so I finished my political pa-. What the?!
*(Sees squirrels, dead pigs, pizza and waffles everywhere.)
*NH: What is going on here?!
*Rig: I did what you told me to!
*NH: I didn't say any of this! I want to know what's wrong with your little small peanut-sized brain.
*Rig: Here, have some waffles!
*NH: What's in them?
*Rig: Razor blades and cardboard!
*NH: Alright, that does it! Out! All of you squirrels! Well, except you. (Eats squirrel quickly.) Ah. Well, I have learned my lesson, then: I can't say anything to you without you screwing up.
*Rig: Huh, what? Sorry, when you talk like that, you make me sleepy......
*NH: (mumbles) If you need me, I'll be making my ad.
*(Cut to US and Dep. Mayor.)
*Dep. Mayor: Are you really sure this ad will work?
*US: Of course. People love ads.
*Dep. Mayor: Okay.........
*(The Dep. Mayor turns on the camera.)
*(Later.)
*(Rack is watching TV.)
*NH: (In advertisement): Hello there, ignoramuses, it is I, NH, the idiot mayor US's opponent in the election. Now, if you think I am going to portray US negatively and urge you to vote for me, then, (Laughs), you are so right. US has put us in debt with her infamous "World's largest pizza" project and is making ludicrous laws, such as having pizza every meal of every night. I am here to stop that. I am much more intelligent and (Looking in mirror), handsome, as you can tell, and I will fix this town entirely and get us out of debt. Overall, I am a better choice. Vote for the wolf, and you won't be sorry. And remember, I am not a human! Have a horrible day.
*Rig: (In advertisement): I just pooted!
*NH: (In advertisement): Rig! Don't ruin my advertisement!
*Rig: (In advertisement): Too late for that, don't you think?
*US: (In advertisement): I'm better. Vote for me.
*Announcer #2: (In advertisement): A vote for US is a vote for lamp.
*Rack: Ooh, this is gonna be a tough election.
*(Later. NH and US have their own stands. Their parties the flag of New Heathera for New Heatheran, and white for Independent, respectively.)
*US: Vote for me! Guess what you get? Cheese! That's totes not expired.
*NH: Vote for the wolf. Hm, no one has eaten the squirrels. I don't want them going to waste. (Eats them all.) Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm......................
*Rig: The squirrels! Nooooooooooooooo!
*(The people run away, going to puke.)
*(Later. US and NH are asked to kiss a baby.)
*NH: I will not kiss that baby! It has smells that make my nostrils cry!
*US: Ew, I'm not kissing a baby. Bad enough they exist.
*(Later. NH and US are having a debate.)
*Moderator: Welcome to the debate between Mayor US and her opponent, NH.
*(US blows a raspberry at NH.)
*Moderator: So, let's start with this. What would you do as mayor, NH and what do you plan on doing if you were reelected, Mayor US?
*NH: If, and, let's face it, I will, become mayor, I will get rid of the ridiculous laws US proposed and assigned. I will also make new, unbiased laws. To start off with, the banning of squirrels. They are quite annoying and serve no real purpose. Then I plan on banning pants, as they are secretly evil and mind control us.
*Moderator: Those sounded pretty bias to me.
*NH: No one asked you. Anyway, as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, I also plan on renaming "USville" to "New Heathera", and plan to use the logo of New Heatheran as the flag for preparation.
*Moderator: Now, you, Mayor US. What do you plan on doing?
*(US sees papers and sees gibberish. She starts sweating and gets nervous.)
*US: Uh............
*Moderator: Any rebuttal or anything at all?
*US: Uh............uh.......... I love lamp?
*(The Dep. Mayor facepalms.)
*(Rig runs around in a circle.)
*NH: As you can clearly see, my opponent is not as intelligent as I. This further proves I am the better choice.
*(Everyone in the audience is asleep except Rack.)
*Rack: (Whistling): That's my doggie who said that! Whatever he said.
*Moderator: Well, that ends the debate. See you at the election.
*(Later. It is time to see the results of the election.)
*Dep. Mayor: Everyone, it is time to find out the results of the election. I will count the votes in the ballot box. 1 vote for US. 1 vote for NH.
*(2 hours later.............)
*Dep. Mayor: 186 votes for NH, 2 votes for US, 1 vote for (looks oddly) "Squirrely Squirrelson"?
*(Cuts to Rig wearing a squirrel costume and a pin that says "Vote for the Squirrel!".)
*NH: You didn't vote for me?!
*Rig: Hey, that squirrel knows his politics.
*Dep. Mayor: And 187 votes for NH. And the winner is........ NH!
*NH: Yes! (Rips off suit.) YES! Now I can be free! Ah! It feels so good to be nude again!
*US: I...... lost? This can't be. This is impossible. I demand a recount.
*(Later. It is dark.)
*Dep. Mayor: (Exhausted): I've recounted 378 times, and every time NH has the most amount.
*US: Do it again!
*Dep. Mayor: Miss US, I'm sorry, but you lost.
*US: No! I won!
*Dep. Mayor: I hate to do this, but, get out of here!
*US: No! I'm the mayor, he isn't! This is bull!
*Rack: Wait, there's a bull around? (Hides)
*Dep. Mayor: (Throws her): Go away!
*US: How rude. Hm, where should I stay? *snaps finger* That's it!
*(Later. Rack hears a knock at the door.)
*US: RACLK!
*Rack: US! What are you doing here?
*US: I think I'm gonna stay at your place for a while, until I get back on my feet.
*Rack: Okay!
*(Cut to NH's office.)
*NH: Whoa, I see what US means about that "butt groove". Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
*Dep. Mayor: Um, Mr. NH, why are you naked?
*NH: I'm a wolf. Wolves don't wear clothes. Do the math.
*Dep. Mayor: Oh, because I got you some pants.
*NH: No! Pants are demons! Get them away from me!
*Dep. Mayor: What? I like pants.
*NH: No! They're uncomfortable in certain areas and take over your mind!
*Dep. Mayor: Um okay. What should I do with the pants then?
*NH: Burn them! Get them out of my sight!
*(Cut to Rack's house.)
*US: Raclk, I'm hungry. Get me pizza.
*Rack: I don't know.......... pizza's not that healthy.
*US: Who cares if it isn't?
*Rack: I do. All that grease isn't good for you.
*US: I don't care! Feed me pizza!
*Rack: How about a nice healthy dinner of broccoli, avocado and orange juice with pulp.
*US: Blegh! I'd rather have tofu!
*Rack: Okay!
*(Rack gives US tofu.)
*US: You don't know sarcasm very well, do you?
*Rack: Is that a trick question?
*US: Look, just give me pizza!
*Rack I'm sorry US, but I want you to eat healthy.
*US: (goes on phone): Police, I have something to report to you.
*(Later........)
*Police Officer: So you're saying you called us just because you didn't get pizza for dinner?
*US: Exactly. You need to have pizza every meal. I made it a law.
*Police Officer: Sure, nutjob.
*US: It's true!
*Police Officer: I bet. Ma'am, please don't waste time like this again.
*US: DO YOU WHO YOU'RE TALKING TO?!
*Police Officer: I do. A nutjob.
*US: Nope. You're talking to the former mayor, who should still be mayor!
*Police Officer: Sure, and my name is Judy Michelle.
*US: Is it?!
*Police Officer: (Silence): Maybe......... look, I have a wife and kids to feed. I need to go.
*US: Pfft, those are overrated.
*Police Officer: Look, I don't have time for this.
*US: But I do!
*Police Officer: Have a good night.
*(Police Officer leaves.)
*US: No! Get back here Judy!
*Rack: Huh? US, what are you doing?
*US: Oh nothing. Just talking to myself.
*Rack: Uh alright.
*(Cut to NH in his office.)
*NH: Hello imbeciles, it is I, NH. I have officially banned pants and squirrels no need to thank me. Now, excuse me, I need to get my butt groove. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh yeah, there it is.
*(US is watching from the TV.)
*US: That's not fair! I should be having the butt groove! I gotta be mayor again!
*Rack: Aw, do you want some food?
*US: YES! WHERE!
*Rack: In the kitch-.
*(US quickly gets in the kitchen.)
*Rack: ...En.
*(US eats all the food.)
*Rack: I just bought all of that.
*US: Buy some more!
*Rack: Okay............
*(A montage shows US eating all of the food Rack keeps buying. A few days later. There is junk food everywhere and US is covered with stains from the food.)
*US: (burps): Mm, artery clogging.
*Rack: Alright, that's it! This is a pigsty!
*US: Thank you!
*Rack: Clean this mess up, or get out!
*US: Maybe tomorrow, a few days, a month.
*Rack: Alright, I've had enough! Get out of my house!
*US: (Leaves): Whatevs, I'll just be in a hotel or something.
*(Cut to NH in his office.)
*NH: Ah, I would get up and rule the world, but I love this butt groove. Ahhhhhhh.
*Rig: I like chicken.
*Dep. Mayor: So, Mr. NH, I have to te-.
*(The boomerang from the beginning gets inside and makes the ballot box fall down, making all the ballots fall out.)
*Dep. Mayor: Hm........... 186 out of your 187 votes have the exact same hand writing. Wait a minute........... you didn't rig it, did you?
*NH: Guilty as charged. Now add a massage button on this chair please.
*Rig: I did what now?
*Dep. Mayor: Mr. NH, I am disappointed in you.
*NH: Too late to change back, now please add the massage button. I need my butt groove to be more groovy.
*Dep. Mayor: Oh alright.
*(Throws NH outside.)
*(Cut to the Dep. Mayor on TV.)
*Dep. Mayor: Everyone, I am sad to announce that our election was rigged by NH.
*Rig: What did I do?
*Dep. Mayor: Since he did so, US is now mayor again.
*US: That's right! That's what I'm talking about! (Dances)
*(NH hears this as a window is open in US's office.)
*NH: What?! No! I was so close! Well, at least I have my butt groove.
*(US comes out of nowhere.)
*US: Excuse me, that is mine. Nice try though.
*NH: Ugh. Why must I be tormented every day of my life? Do people find it funny? Is it because I did something unforgivable? What?
*(Rack comes out of nowhere.)
*Rack: Aw, isn't it better to tell the truth?
*NH: No! I've lost everything I've ever wanted because of it!
*Rack: Aw, I knew you would feel better.
*NH: Just end it already, I've suffered enough.
*THE END.
==Credits==
===Starring===
*Rackliffelikespurple as Rack
*New Heathera as NH
*Utter solitude as US
*Rigbybestie1510 as Rig
*Dep. Mayor as Dep. Mayor
*People as People
===Writing===
*Written by: Rackliffelikespurple, New Heathera and Utter solitude
===Thanks===
To New Heathera, Utter solitude and Rigbybestie1510 for being the inspirations to the corresponding characters.
==Other==
I think this is one of my favorites. I really liked writing this one.
Thanks for reading! :D
Category:Episodes