Hey Arnold!: The Movie/Transcript

==Transcript==
===Opening credits===
[We see a yellow text reads "Paramount Pictures and Nickelodeon Movies Present" and the film's title; we see the city's locations and Harold, Iggy and Lorenzo are playing baseball before Willie drives with his ice cream truck; A kid is giving money to Willie, having his ice cream and Willie reads the newspaper; Harold throws a baseball to Park; Park strikes out and the woman is at the window looks up to a baseball while putting clothes in the basket; we see Brainy and Harvey are at the market; Sid and Stinky are splashing water; the construction workers look up at the helicopter with a black wrecking ball; as the wrecking ball hits the apartments and pouring liquid on the family photo.]
===A street===
[Arnold and Gerald walking down the street; Arnold is bouncing a basketball]
Gerald: I'm telling you, Arnold, your ball is flat.
Arnold: It's not flat. It's just a little low on air. [The ball pops and deflates]
Gerald: Like I said, your ball is flat. Hey, I still can't believe we let those fifth graders beat us.
Arnold: Well, the important thing is we tried our best.
Gerald: The important thing is we got our buns whooped.
Arnold: Come on Gerald, we had fun. And we almost beat 'em.
Gerald: Why do you do that Arnold? Why do you always have to look on the bright side?
Arnold: Somebody has to. (Arnold and Gerald notice FTi helicopters, and a crowd of citizens]
Arnold: Mr. Green, what's going on?
Mr. Green: It's Scheck. He wants to buy up the whole neighborhood so he can knock it down and put up a fancy mall.
Arnold: Who's Scheck? (The crowd is watching TV)
Reporter (on TV): The plan, which was approved by the mayor just moments ago, would allow Future Tech Industries to redevelop a six-square-block area between 33rd and 39th Streets. Oh, I understand the president and CEO of Future Tech Industries, Mr. Scheck, is about to make a statement.
Scheck (on TV): (To the mayor) Thank you. I just want to say I'm delighted at the mayor's support of our renewal plan.
Gerald: Nice suit.
Random Citizen: Sh!
Mayor Dixie (on TV): I am behind Mr. Scheck's project one hundred percent. (camera flashes)
Scheck (on TV): Although some of you in the affected area may have concerns about how this plan will impact your homes and businesses, let me assure you; change is good. This plan represents the end of urban decay, the end of your broken-down shops and apartment buildings, the end of antiquated and dilapidated storefronts. It's time for a new world. Out with the old, in with the new.
Arnold: What's wrong with old things? Some old things are great.
Harold: Yeah, like Mrs. Vitello.
Mrs. Vitello: [hits Harold over the head with flowers] Whippersnapper.
Harold: Ow!
Mr. Green: This has been goin' on for months. The city council recommended against it, but the mayor's lettin' him do it anyway. I never figured he could pull it off.
Gerald: What does it mean?
Mr. Green: It means they want us to sell out, move away so this Scheck character and his big corporation can move in.
Crowd: No!
Harold: No way!
Scheck (on TV): It's time to put the past behind us. I have seen the future, and it's Future Tech Industries.
Phoebe: But this is our neighborhood!
Rhonda: They can't just tear it down.
Eugene (singing):
This is our neighborhood
How can they tear it down
How can they turn our smile
Into a frown
We may be just a few
But if me and you and you
[Arnold switches off the stereo.]
Arnold: No. No singing, Eugene.
Eugene: But I thought the occasion called for it. (singing)
We may be just a few...
Arnold: No. This is serious. (A truck carrying a bulldozer is speeding down the street)
Crowd: Oh, my...
Mr. Green: We can't take this lying down. We should do something!
;Harold: Yeah, but what can we do?
Arnold: We can refuse to sell our houses.
Gerald: Well, I'll sign a petition!
Arnold: Yeah. Let everybody know this is our neighborhood and we're not giving it up without a fight!
Helga: (watching from a roof) Hah! Arnold! What an annoying little goody two-shoes. What a dopey little dreamer. What a corny little cornball. Always going around trying to get everyone to look on the bright side and do the right thing. How I despise him. And yet... I love him! I love him! I love his unerring sense of right and wrong. I love his unfailing insistence on the needs of the many over the needs of the few. But most of all I love the way his hair smells when I get real close behind him and he doesn't know I'm there, but then he turns and looks at me funny and I scowl at him and make an excuse for being so close, and then I insult him just to cover up the secret, adoring feelings for which I have so long and painfully harbored. Oh, Arnold!
Arnold: Mr. Green can write the petition.
Mr. Green: Say no more, Arnold. I'm already working on it.
Helga: If only I could find the guts to tell you. If only I weren't such a coward. If only I had your strength.
Arnold: We'll take it around the neighborhood and get everybody to sign it.
Helga: But what if you lose? What if the neighborhood is torn down, and you have to move away, and we are separated, and we never see each other again, and I never, ever seize the chance to tell you how I really feel about you? Oh, Arnold, how I love you. (Brainy appears from a chimney, dressed up as a chimney sweep. Helga smacks him.)
===Pataki residence===
(Helga comes home)
Helga: Dad! (To Miriam sleeping on a table) How's it going, Miriam?
Miriam: Oh. Molasses, it's you. (Helga hears voices and comes to see what's going on)
Big Bob: Okay, great, but where's the store go?
Nick Vermicelli: (Big Bob, Nick Vermicelli, and three other guys are seen gathered aroung a model of the neighborhood on a table) Alright. Right here. Big Bob's Beeper Emporium. Big sign, can't miss it from the threeway, and the overpass drops you big-bang-boom right in the parkin' lot.
Big Bob: That's good. Yeah, right in the stinkin' lot.
Helga: Dad?
Big Bob: What do you want, Olga?
Helga: It's Helga, Dad.
;Big Bob: Right, Helga. That's what I said.
Helga: Could I talk to you?
Nick Vermicelli: We gotta split anyway, Bob. We'll talk.
Big Bob: Right, we'll talk. And send me the paperwork, I can't wait to get started. Hey, can I keep this pop-up thing? (He points at the model)
Nick Vermicelli: You got it.
(Nick and the other men leave the room)
Big Bob: Alright. (to Helga) You know what this is? It's our future. See, here's where my new Super Beeper Emporium is gonna go up, right after we rip down the flower shop, and Green Meats and the rest of the block.
Helga: Uh yeah, well, uh, about all that, Dad... I mean a lot of people are gonna have to move away and sell their businesses.
Big Bob: Yeah, what's your point?
Helga: Well, I was just wondering if this whole tear-down-the-neighborhood Future Tech thing is really necessary.
;Big Bob: Of course, it's necessary. It's more than necessary. It's progress. You can't have progress without a little pain. No pain, no gain.
Helga: But what's wrong with leaving things the way they are?
Big Bob: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, missy. Leave things the way they are and Big Bob's Super Beeper Emporium doesn't happen.
Helga: But, Dad...
Big Bob: Hey-hey-hey-hey-hey! I'll say this once, and I want you to hear it, little lady. Change is good. When the new Big Bob's Super Beeper Emporium goes up, the cash is gonna roll in and you'll forget all about the old neighborhood. And do you know why? Because we'll be rich. And that means you'll be rich. You can have that pony you've been wantin'.
Helga: Dad, I wanted a pony when I was five.
Big Bob: Uh. Well, what do you want now?
Helga: I don't know.
Big Bob: Well, make up your mind, 'cause once this neighborhood goes down and my store goes up, you can have anything you want. And I mean anything.
Helga: (looks at fashion magazine) Anything?
Big Bob: That's what I said. We're gonna be stinkin' rich, girl. Rich. What's more important than that, huh?
===Sunset Arms===
(Arnold comes home, FTi truck passes by)
Arnold: Grandpa?
Grandpa: That's my name. Don't wear it out. (shark jaws fall down)
Arnold: Grandpa, I'm worried.
Grandpa: Oh, don't worry, Arnold. We won't sell the boarding house. We're behind you all the way. Right, Pookie?
Grandma: (in cheerleader outfit) Home team, home team, woo!
Arnold: But what if Scheck gets everyone else to sell?
Grandpa: Then I guess they'll bulldoze down the neighborhood, short man. Pookie and I will have to move to an old folks' home and who knows what'll happen to you. You'll probably be sent to a foster home in some Midwestern state like Manitoba or... wait, no, that's not a state, that's a province. Oh, no, Arnold! You'll be a Canadian!
Arnold: Grandpa, I'm serious.
Grandpa: I know, Arnold, but we're not cooked yet. Whatever happens, we'll all be OK, even if we have to become Canadians. You know, they have very good bacon there. Canadian. Bacon. This thing on? Come on, Arnold. Work with me.
Arnold: Goodnight, Grandpa. Goodnight, Grandma.
Grandma: Go, team! (Grandpa sits on the shark jaws.)
===In front of the boarding house===
(The next morning. FTi helicopters and a group of workers install huge Scheckvision TV screen on a roof. A crowd is watching at it.)
Crowd: Awesome!
A worker: Release. (The workers unroll a huge sheet with "SCHECKVISION MALL-PLEX — INFORMATION HEADQUARTERS" written on it, and hang it below the screen.)
Arnold: What's going on?
;Stinky
:You must be a sound sleeper, Arnold. They've been hammering on it all mornin'.
;Sid
:Look!
:(On the Scheckvision screen it's written "30 DAYS UNTIL CONSTRUCTION BEGINS")
;Stinky
:Willikers!
;Sid
:It's so wicked awesome.
Arnold: You guys! It's not awesome. It's terrible! Read it. We've got thirty days left to save the neighborhood.
;Stinky
:Look, it's that Scheck feller.
;Scheck (on the Scheckvision screen)
:It's time for a new world. Out with the old, in with the new. I have seen the future and it's Future Tech Industries.
;Stinky
:He sure gives me the willies.
;Gerald
:But you gotta admit, he looks good in a suit.
Arnold: (annoyed) Gerald.
;Gerald
:I know, I know. I'm just saying.
Arnold: Come on! (The boys run away)
===Multishot sequence===
(Arnold, and other citizens of the neighborhood are trying to organize protests against tearing down the neighborhood. Helga is not sympathetic to them. The days on the Scheckvision screen are cointing down.)
Monkeyman: (after receiving a leaflet from Arnold) Monkeyman!
===Under the Scheckvision screen===
(The Scheckvision screen shows: "6 DAYS UNTIL CONSTRUCTION BEGINS")
;Jolly Olly Man
:Yeah, six days to go, and then sayonara, suckers!
;Arnold
:Six days. Enough time to try maybe one last big... thing. But... but what?
;Rhonda
:How about a party? You always throw the most outré parties, Arnold.
;Arnold
:Yeah, a party. A block party. With music and food.
;Rhonda
:And finger sandwiches. Ooh!
;Harold
:Yeah, and food!
;Arnold
:We'll have a concert! The music will be so loud that we'd end up on the news. And then people will get excited about it, and the mayor will have to change her mind. And she'll stop the bulldozers.
;Kids
:Yeah!
;Stinky
:What do we call it?
;Rhonda
:How about the "Save the Neighborhood Debutante Ball".
;Boys
:Nah...
;Gerald
:Block Power, baby.
;Stinky
:Blockenanny.
;Eugene
:Block Till You Drop. (Falls down) Ow.
;Gerald
:It's a Block Thing. I would know.
;Sid
:A Block Party... Party?
;Arnold
:How about... Blockapalooza?
;Kids
:Yeah!
===A street corner===
(Arnold and Gerald are giving away passerbys leaflets with "SAVE THE NEIGHBORHOOD — BLOCKAPALOOZA !MUSIC - FOOD - FUN! This Saturday!" writtin on them.)
Arnold: Blockapalooza.
Gerald: This Saturday is the day.
Arnold: Blockapalooza!
Gerald: Don't forget to get your tickets while they're hot!
Nick Vermicelli: (getting a leaflet) "Save the neighborhood"? "Blockapalooza"? This we don't need. (Pulls out a cell phone and calls somebody.) Yeah it's me Nick. I think we got a problem.
===Blockapalooza in front of the Sunset Arms===
(Ernie Potts plays accordion; Oskar Kokoshka and Mailman Harvey play saxophone; Grandpa (wearing a rasta wig) is on drums; Mr. Hyunh plays guitar; Suzie Kokoshka is a DJ; Grandma is tap dancing. Arnold and Gerald are at controls. They all play some kind of strange pokla rock music, and Grandpa smashes one of Suzie's records, annoyed by her DJ techniques. The crowd is cheering.)
Helga: (watching from a roof) Blockapalooza, hah! Please.
Reporter (for TV): It's called Blockapalooza, a last-ditch effort to save a forgotten neighborhood from the wrecking ball. A classic story of the little guy pitted against the corporate giant.
(Nick Vermicelli and Big Bob are watching TV at Big Bob's house)
Big Bob: What the heck are they doing? They'll mess up the whole deal!
Nick Vermicelli: Forget about it. It's all taken care of.
Arnold (on TV): You know what this is about. It's our last chance to stand up and tell Future Tech Industries that we won't sell. We won't let 'em tear down our neighborhood.
(The crowd on TV screen is cheering.)
Nick Vermicelli: One of our guys intercepted their permit, thereby making the whole assemblage illegal.
(Police cars suddenly appear at the party.)
S.P.A.T. officer: Go, go, go!
(The crowd is panicking. Police breaks up the party. People are running away.)
Gerald: (to the officer) Hey, what's going on?
Riot Cop: This whole assemblage is illegal.
Arnold: But we filed a permit!
Riot Cop: Never got any permit.
(Nick Vermicelli and Big Bob are laughing at the TV screen.)
Voice from FTi helicopters: Please disperse from this area at once!
Arnold: Grandma?
Grandma: Bring on your worst. We shall not be moved. (She chains herself to the door of the Sunset Arms.)
S.P.A.T. man: Come on. Nice and easy. (Grandma almost bites him.)
Grandpa: Hey! Stop, that's a frail old lady!
Grandma: (while she and the door she's chained to are carried into the S.P.A.T. car) Never give up Arnold. Never give in. Save the neighborhood. One if by land, two if by sea. Put the lime in the coconut. Mix it all up. (The car speeds away while she laughs.)
Mrs. Vitello: Well, that's it. This place belongs to Scheck now. They've got the cops on their side. I give up.
Mr. Green: (almost crying) Me too. I'm selling my place. Goodbye, old neighborhood. I'm gonna miss you.
Arnold: Selling? But...
Grandpa: Oh, I'll go try and get Grandma out of jail, short man. Then we'd better get packing.
Arnold: Packing? Grandpa, we can't give up. It's not over.
Grandpa: Noo, that Scheck character has us covered from every angle, short man.
Arnold: Wait! Where are you all going? (the Blockapalooza banner falls on him) Come back! Come back...
Scheck (on Scheckvision screen): Out with the old, in with the new. I've seen the future. Change is good.
===The Arcade===
(Gerald is playing Runaway Bus.)
Arnold: Only two more days now.
Gerald: I know.
Arnold: There's gotta be some way to stop the bulldozers.
Gerald: Look Arnold, we tried. There's nothing more we can do. We just have to face it. In two days, this neighborhood is coming down and we'll all just have to move on.
Arnold: I just want to do something. Baby carriage, ten o'clock!
Gerald: I see it. Arnold, saving the neighborhood isn't a game. It's real life. And in real life, you can't always win. I mean, I can win Runaway Bus every time I play it but that's because it's a game.
Arnold: I guess.
Gerald: You did your best, buddy.
===In a street===
(While walking, Arnold finds Stinky and Sid sitting on pavement.)
Arnold:What are you guys doing?
Sid: Hey, Arnold.
Stinky: We were just looking at a piece of history.
Sid: It was four years ago, Stinky and me made these handprints in the cement.
Stinky: Yeah.
Arnold: (reading) "Sid and Stink." Sid and Stink?
Stinky: Well it only says "Stink" on account of just when I was fixing to write the Y to finish off my name, Sid's old man came mozing around the corner, and we had to hightail it.
Sid: I always thought that made it even cooler.
Stinky: Yeah. We always figured it'd be there forever, but after they tear down the neighborhood, I reckon nobody'll even remember.
Sid: Yeah.
===In front of Green Meats store===
Arnold: Hi, Mr. Green.
Mr. Green: Look Arnold (shows at the bricks of the store with "Dave 3, Marty 4, and Benji 6" written on them), that was me, four years old. My grandfather made the mark. He was so proud of me. He used to tell me, "Marty, one day, Green Meats is gonna be your shop." (We see flashback scenes of Marty's memories) And sure enough, my father took it over and then when he retired, he passed it on to me. That was the proudest day of my life. I always knew one day I'd pass the shop on to my own son. I guess now that's never gonna happen. (sniffs)
Arnold: Because they're gonna tear down the neighborhood?
Mr. Green: No. Because my son hates meat. He's one of these vegetarians. We haven't spoken in years. Still, I never thought I'd be the last Green to run Green Meats. Another couple of days, it's all gonna be just a pile of bricks. Excuse me, Arnold.
(Mr. Green walks back into his kitchen, sobbing)
===Sunset Arms===
Arnold: (returns home) Grandma?
Ernie: (carrying his things downstairs) She's still in jail.
Arnold: But I thought they were just gonna keep her for one night.
Ernie: She keeps trying to escape. Thinks it's a game. Fourth time they had to put her back.
(We see Grandma trying diffent ways to escape, only to be thwarted every time.)
Arnold: Hi, Mr. Hyunh. Have you seen Grandpa?
Mr. Hyunh: Oh, Arnold. We may never see each other again. (Runs away sobbing)
Oskar: Hey, Mr. Hyunh, can I help you clean out your refrigiterator?
(Arnold comes up to his room.)
Arnold: Grandpa, what are you doing?
Grandpa: Packing your stuff, short man.
Arnold: But, you haven't sold the house yet, have you?
Grandpa: Oh, it's only a matter of time now, Arnold. Everyone else has sold. Scheck owns the whole block now, except for us. I have to sell.
Arnold: I can't believe this is happening.
Grandpa: Me neither, short man. Heck, I was born in this house. My dad got it in the 1890s, over a hundred years ago. Won it in a card game from a man his dad had fought in the Tomato Incident.
Arnold: The Tomato Incident?
Grandpa: Oh, yes, the Tomato Incident. Now, that was a good story. (Opens a book. We see the historical scenes as Grandpa tells about the events.) See, the Yanks won territorial rights to this land after the Pig War. But until then, we still paid taxes to the British crown on all sorts of goods, including tobacco, meats and vegetables. The whole town was in a snit over a new tomato tax. The Brits were adding a nickel on every tomato. People were open arms spoiling for a fight.
Arnold: What happened?
Grandpa: The Tomato Incident, Arnold! My grandpa and his neighbors turned over a cart of British tomatoes on this very street. Soldiers were sent to arrest him by order of the colonial governor, Archibald Von Scheck.
Arnold: Von Scheck?
Grandpa: Hm, I wonder if he's any relation. Anyway, Von Scheck's men attacked the neighborhood, but the locals used guerrilla warfare. They made a barricade of upturned vegetable carts and fought back with whatever they had. They had lots of tomatoes. They were British tomatoes, which were small and hard and really hurt if you got hit with one.
Protester (in Grandpa's story; throwing tomatoes): Let her rip.
Grandpa: That did it. The redcoats were in full, ignominious retreat. And that's why we eat American tomatoes, Arnold. Although I had one the other day that came from Chile. Very juicy.
Arnold: Grandpa, did that actually happen?
Grandpa: Of course it happened. I sliced it up and put it in a sandwich.
Arnold: No. Don't you see? This is our answer.
Grandpa: Yes! Yes, Arnold! Juicy tomatoes from Chile. Why didn't I think of that?
Arnold: No, the Tomato Incident. If that battle took place right in front of the boarding house, this whole neighborhood should be a national landmark.
Grandpa: Well, there probably was a document that declared this block a historic site once.
Arnold: Then maybe I can find it. We still got two days. I can show the document to the mayor, and she'd stop the bulldozers. They couldn't tear down these buildings ever! Mr. Green and Mrs. Vitello could keep their shops, and Sid and Stinky's handprints would stay on the sidewalk, and you, Grandma, and me, and all the boarders could keep living just like before. Nothing would change. Grandpa, don't sell the boarding house. I'm gonna track down that document and save the neighborhood.
(Helga is watching the scene through the skylight.)
Grandpa: You're a bold kid, Arnold. I'm with you all the way! But you better hurry before the bulldozers knock down the whole kit and kaboodle.
(Helga goes down the fire escape)
Scheck (on Scheckvision screen): Change is good. I've seen the future and the future is FTi.
===Pataki residence===
(Big Bob is looking at the model again.)
Big Bob: So, my Super Beeper Emporium is going right here where we're knocking down these old shops, right?
Nick Vermicelli: That's right, Bob.
Big Bob: And that's in the contract, right?
Nick Vermicelli: Absolutely.
Big Bob: And there's no funny business in it, right?
Nick Vermicelli: Hey, Bob, what am I, a rat fink? It's all on the up-and-up. Trust me. All you gotta do is sign. (He gives Big Bob the contract.)
Big Bob: (signs the contract) Big... Bob... Pataki!
(Helga is walking dowstairs and hears the men's voices.)
Nick Vermicelli: Beautiful, Bob. It's all settled. In two days from now my bulldozers are gonna tear down the old and make way for the new.
Big Bob: Then all we gotta do is sit back and watch the moolah roll in, eh.
Nick Vermicelli: You've got a way with words, Bob.
Big Bob: Hey-hey, can I keep the pen?
(Helga hurries to her Arnold shrine in the attic through the closet in her room.)
Helga: Oh, Arnold, another moral dilemma... Stick with Big Bob and get rich or dare to try to find some way to help you, my beloved, noble Arnold, for whom I have so long adored. If only I knew what to do. If only I had some kind of sign. (A dove poops on her.) Perfect.
===In front of the Sunset Arms===
(Arnold and Gerald walk out of the Sunset Arms.)
Gerald: OK, Arnold, you convinced me.
Arnold: Right. We are going to find that document, deliver it to the mayor, prove that the neighborhood is a legal national landmark and stop the bulldozers from knocking it down.
Gerald: Right. And we're gonna do it all in the next (looks at Scheckvision countdown clock) 46 hours and 19 minutes.
Arnold: Right.
Gerald: Should be plenty of time.
(They turn at the corner near Green Meats shop, and collide with Helga)
Helga: Arnold! I-I mean, watch where you're going, football head. Where is the fire?
Arnold: Sorry, Helga. We're just in a hurry. We've gotta find a government document that can save the neighborhood.
Helga: (laughs) Yeah, right. If you think you're gonna save the neighborhood you're even dopier than I thought. All the papers are signed, the ink's dry, and in two days, the bulldozers are gonna roll and this whole place is gonna be a parking lot. End of story. Any questions?
Arnold: Uh.. yeah. Do you think you could lend us bus fare?
Gerald: We're a little short... Helga.
Helga: It's like I'm living in Loser City. Oh well, since my dad's new Super Beeper Emporium is gonna be built on the ashes of your old lives, and I'm gonna get rich off the whole deal, I guess the least I can do is give you change for the bus.
Arnold and Gerald: Thanks. (They rush to the bus)
Helga: Good luck. You're gonna need it, losers. (laughs)
===In the bus===
Gerald: There is one thing you forgot to tell me: where are we going?
Arnold: To the one person that can help us to find that document: Mr. Bailey.
Gerald: You mean that guy at the Federal Office of Information?
Arnold: Right. I know he can help us.
===Federal Office of Information===
Mr. Bailey: I can't help you. C-A-N, apostrophe, T. Can't.
Arnold: But, Mr. Bailey, this is important.
Mr. Bailey: I'm sure it is, but so is my job. Look at all this work I got piled up. I don't have time to run a check on some "tomato document" that was probably lost fifty years ago. Now please, leave me alone. I don't know how you got in here anyway.
;Arnold
:But Mr. Bailey, if we don't find that document, everything's gonna be torn down: Mr. Green's butcher shop, Mrs. Vitello's flower shop...
;Gerald
:The video store, the arcade.
;Mr. Bailey
:Look, how many ways do I gotta say it? I can't help you.
;Arnold
:Bowling alley. Slausen's Ice Cream.
;Mr. Bailey
:Please, I don't wanna lose my patience with you.
;Arnold
:(sees a box of donuts) Dolly's Donuts.
;Gerald
:Dolly's Donuts?
;Arnold
:Yeah, you know. (Winks to Gerald) That great donut shop. Dolly's Donuts.
;Mr. Bailey
:What'd you say?
;Arnold
:Oh, we were just saying what a shame it is that the bulldozers are gonna tear down Dolly's Donuts.
;Gerald
:Yeah. Dolly's Donuts. Two days from now, they're history. No more Dolly's Donuts, Mr. Bailey.
;Mr. Bailey
:But I love those donuts. Nobody makes a cruller like Dolly. I've been going to Dolly's every day for thirty years. I don't think I can through a morning without 'em. How can they tear down an institution like Dolly's? That's just... savage!
;Arnold
:I know. But, hey, what can you do?
;Gerald
:Right. See you, Mr. Bailey.
;Mr. Bailey
:Wait a minute. Where you think are you going? You wanna save your neighborhood, don't you? Well come on, then. We've got a document to find.
:(Mr. Bailey is working at computers for hours, Arnold and Gerald are feeding him with donuts.)
;Mr. Bailey
:This is it. As soon as the computer stops, it'll spit out a card which will tell us everything the system knows about where your tomato document is.
;Arnold
:(reading the print-out) "The location of your document is... unknown."
;Mr. Bailey
:I'm sorry, boys.
;Arnold
:It's all right, Mr. Bailey. Thanks for your help.
;Gerald
:You did your best.
:(as they walk away from Mr. Bailey's office) Well, what we are gonna do now?
;Mr. Bailey
:Boys, it's probably not worth mentioning, but I know a guy, the city coroner... He's kind of, well, a nut. But he's a well-known history buff and he keeps all kinds of crazy records on old historical papers. Maybe he could help you find that document.
;Arnold
:Where can we find him?
===City Morgue===
(Lightning flashes as a thunderclap pierces the air, it is stormy outside the morgue. Arnold is ringing the doorbell.)
;Gerald
:You know, Arnold, they look like they're closed. Let's come back later.
;Arnold
:We don't have time, Gerald. Come on.
;Gerald
:You first.
:(The boys come in and walking down the halls of the morgue.)
;Arnold
:Hello? Hello? Hello?
:(They end up in the cold room. The coroner who slept there scares them.)
;Coroner
:Hello! I was just taking a nap. Did I scare you? I scare most people. Not intentionally, you understand. Just the nature of the job. Anyhoo, what can I do for you?
:(The scene cuts to sometime later)
;Coroner
:The Tomato Incident of which you speak did indeed happen. In fact, it was a major historical turning point in the birth of the country.
;Arnold
:What about the document?
;Coroner
:Well! There was, as I recall, a document stating that your neighborhood was officially declared a national landmark. Not an especially well-known document, but official nonetheless. And I just may have a file on it. I keep my historical records in here. (He opens a drawer to reveal a dead body in it.) Oops, wrong drawer. (Gerald faints.) Aha! (Opens another drawer filled with countless files) Here we go. Tomato Incident... Tomato Incident, Tomato Incident, Tomato, Tomato, Tomato. Tomato Incident! Here it is. (later, he sits on a chair and reads the file to the boys) According to my records, there was a document detailing the official status of your neighborhood as a national landmark.
;Gerald
:What happened to it?
Coroner: Let's see. It was contained in a collection of local historical papers which were sold at auction five years ago to a private corporation. There's no record of a name, but there is an address. 66613 Riverside Highway. It's out on the peninsula.
===In the bus===
Arnold: You're going out to the peninsula, right?
Murray: Don't talk to the driver while the bus is in motion.
Gerald: But the bus isn't in motion.
Murray: (starts the bus) Now it is. Get behind the yellow line.
(Arnold and Gerald sit at the empty places. The bus goes out of the city.)
Arnold: (counting the houses) 66590, 66600. We're close, Gerald. (The two boys see a tall building coming u.)
(Arnold and Gerald get off the bus.)
Murray: Future Tech Industries. (The bus goes away.)
Gerald: Future Tech Industries!?
Arnold: They've got the document?
Gerald: Hm, hm, hm. The document that could save the neighborhood is in the hands of the Future Tech? Now what, Arnold?
Arnold: I guess we go and talk to Mr. Scheck.
===FTi Building===
;Head of Security
:You can't talk to Mr. Scheck.
;Gerald
:Bu-
;Head of Security
:He can't be seen without an appointment.
;Arnold
:Then we'll make an appointment.
;Head of Security
:Mr. Scheck doesn't make appointments.
;Gerald
:All righty, then. You have a nice day.
;Arnold
:Right. Goodbye.
:(Instead of walking out of the building, Arnold and Gerald sneak into a door, and run through the empty halls.)
;Arnold
:Gerald, there's cameras everywhere.
;Gerald
:And I think they're watching us.
;Arnold
:(as they find a security room with several plenty of displays showing the halls.) Man, this is creepy. Let's get away from here.
;Scheck (in his office, through intercome)
:Security?
;Head of Security (through intercom)
:Yes, Mr. Scheck?
;Scheck
:There are two young boys in the hallway, forty feet from your security desk.
;Head of Security
:What? Sir, I...
;Scheck
:Apprehend them. And bring them to my office.
:(Singing) Life is just a bowl of cherries.
(The guard brings the boys into Scheck's office.)
;Head of Security
:Sir, we found these boys wandering the halls unescorted.
;Scheck
:Unescorted?
;Head of Security
:Yes, sir.
;Scheck
:Without security clearance?
;Head of Security
:That's right, sir.
;Scheck
:This is serious, isn't it?
;Head of Security
:Yes, sir.
;Scheck
:We can't have young boys wandering the halls of Future Tech Industries unescorted without security clearance, now, can we?
;Head of Security
:No, sir.
;Scheck
:No, sir. No, sir. And these small boys just snuck past security and wandered about the building unescorted. Is that about the size of it?
;Head of Security
:Yes, sir.
;Scheck
:Yes, sir. But now, who's responsible for that?
;Head of Security
:Sir?
;Scheck
:You're the head of the security, aren't you?
;Head of Security
:Sir, yes, sir.
;Scheck
:"Sir. Sir. Yes, sir. Sir." Is that all you can say?
;Head of Security
:No, sir. I mean, yes, sir. Sir!
;Scheck
:There he goes again. I'll tell you what. Why don't you just go now. Go back to your duties as head of security. Who knows how many other boys are out there wandering the halls of Future Tech Industries unescorted while you stand here like a big, dumb stiff repeating "Sir, yes, sir. Sir."
;Head of Security
:Yes, sir! (Runs away.)
Scheck: What are you gonna do with a character like that? He's like a wind-up doll. "Yes, sir. Sir, yes, sir. Sir. Sir." I'll tell you, it's hard to get good help nowadays. (chuckles) It must be upsetting to be apprehended and dragged unceremoniously into my office like this, but I can't have young boys wandering the halls of my company unescorted. You understand, hm? My name is Scheck. And who might you be?
Arnold: I'm Arnold and this is my friend Gerald. We live in the neighborhood you want to tear down.
Scheck: That I'm going to tear down.
Arnold: But we heard there was a government document that says the whole neighborhood is a national landmark and can never be torn down by anybody. (Scheck gives a suspicious look.)
Scheck: Really? I've heard about that document too. In fact, I had my people look to it. And you know what they found? The document doesn't exist. The whole thing's just a rumor, bogus. I promise you if there were such a document, I would never go through with my plan.
Arnold: But the document must exist. It was part of a collection of local historical papers.
Scheck: Look, my young friend, as much as I admire your thoroughness and direct approach, the fact remains: I don't have the document, you don't have the document. So the neighborhood's coming down. Any questions?
Gerald: What if we were to tell you that we don't buy your story?
Scheck: Hmm. Security.
===In front of the FTi Buiding===
(Arnold and Gerald are thrown away from the building. The same bus stops near the boys)
Arnold: That went well.
Gerald: That Scheck is not a good man. But he's a natty, natty dresser.
(The boys get onto the bus.)
===Pataki residence===
(While Big Bob is playing with the model of the neighborhood, Nick Vermicelli receives a phone call)
Nick Vermicelli: Yeah, what's wrong?
Scheck: (In his office, viewing the security cameras of the boys running thorgh the halls earlier)
:Nick, I just had an interesting conversation with two young boys: one had a weird stack of hair, the other was a football-headed kid.
Nick Vermicelli: A football-headed kid, huh? Hey Bob, you know anything about a football-headed kid?
Big Bob: (not paying attention) Uhm? Nah. (continues toying around with the model neighborhood)
Nick Vermicelli: I don't know nothing about no football-headed kid, boss.
Scheck: Are you sure? Because there was one nosing around here just few minutes ago asking about that document. You know the one I'm talking about.
Nick Vermicelli: You mean the document that could mess up our whole operation? But it's locked in the records room, nobody has a key for it except you and me. I promise you Mr. Scheck, I haven't seen a kid like that around, but I will definitely keep my eyes open.
(Helga hears what he's saying.)
===Sunset Arms===
(It's late evening already, Arnold and Gerald are in their PJs.)
Arnold: I'm not ready to give up yet.
Gerald: Look, Arnold. Sooner or later you're gonna have to face the facts: There's nothing we can do about Scheck's plan.
Arnold: There's gotta be something.
Gerald: Arnold, it would take some kind of miracle--
(The phone rings.)
Arnold: (picking up the receiver) Hello?
Deep Voice (through the phone): The document you're looking for exists. They're hiding it from you.
Arnold: What? Who is this?
Deep Voice: Call me... Deep Voice.
Arnold: Who are you?
Deep Voice: I can't give you that information, but I can tell you that Scheck is up to no good. The only thing that can stop him is the document you're looking for.
(We see a cloaked figure in a trenchcoat and hat in front of the Sunset Arms)
Arnold: How do you know about the document?
Deep Voice: Let's just say... I know.
Arnold: Where is the document?
Deep Voice: It's hidden in FTi in a locked safe deposit box. Nick Vermicelli has the key.
Arnold: Nick Vermicelli? But how do we...?
Deep Voice: Follow Nick and you'll find the key. I'll be in touch. (Hangs up and walks off.)
Arnold: But wait! Who are you?
Gerald: That is too freaky. I'm sorry I ever doubted you. I'm in, man. What's the plan?
Arnold: The plan is we find Nick Vermicelli.
Gerald: Right.
Arnold: Then we spy on him, following him everywhere until we find out where he's hiding the key to the safe deposit box.
Gerald: Right.
Arnold: Then, we steal the key, go to FTi, sneak in, and get the document out of safe deposite box.
Gerald: R-Right.
Arnold: Then, we evade the security guards, and if we make that far, all we have to do is head up town, find the mayor, and deliver the document, so she can declare the neighborhood a national landmark and stop the bulldozers.
Gerald: Arnold, that's a long plan.
Arnold: I know. But we gotta do it if we're gonna save the neighborhood. And we're gonna need some special equipment.
Gerald: Well this may sound kinda crazy, Arnold, but I've heard of this girl, Bridget, who lives across town, kind of a... equipment specialist.
===At the piers, the next morning===
Arnold: Are you sure this is the right place?
Gerald: It's the address Fuzzy Slippers gave me.
Arnold: How do you know she'll help us?
Gerald: Because that's what Bridget does Arnold, she helps people. I mean, that's how the legend goes.
(The boys come to a door.)
Arnold: Maybe she's not home.
Gerald: (points out at a red button with "DO NOT TOUCH! THIS MEANS YOU!" written on it) What's this button?
Arnold: I do not know if you should touch that.
Gerald: Well, come on, what could happen? (Presses the button)
(The boys are grabbed into a net and are lifted to a window above them. The window shutters open, and in the frame stands Bridget.)
Bridget: Okay, which one of you touched my button?
Arnold and Gerald: Me.
===Inside Bridget's base===
;Bridget
:Well, if you're gonna try and save the neighborhood, you're gonna need some equipment. (Pushes a button, revealing gadgets.) Top of the line, state of the art. Mini condenser microphone for the ultimate concealed surveillance. Headphones and micro-radar tracking dish. 400:1 zoom lens binoculars with infrared capability for night vision. High tension, plastic wire, anodized steel pulleys and nylon straps for maneuvering in vertically-challenging situations. A two-way secure walkie-talkie for maintaining communication. And, a synchronized, programmable, glow-in-the-dark watch, set to Greenwich time and accurate within 1/10,000th of a second. And it all fits into this really cool AS-47 Junior Secret Agent utility belt.
;Arnold
:Uh... How much does all this cost?
;Bridget
:Well, since it's for such a good cause, it's on the house. I figure it's my contribution.
;Arnold
:Great. We'll take two of them.
;Gerald
:Do the belts come in other colors?
;Bridget
:Black, or pink.
;Gerald
:We'll take black.
;Arnold
:What about this? (He presses a batton on a yellow box and it transforms into a tiny car.)
;Gerald
:Arnold, what are we gonna need a remote-control car for?
;Arnold
:You never know.
;Gerald
:Whatever you say, Arnold.
:(Arnold and Gerald dress into stylish black suits.)
;Bridget
:Alright. The neighborhood is counting on you. Good luck, boys. (She kisses Gerald on the cheek and he faints.)
;Arnold
:Gerald?
===In a street===
(Arnold and Gerald are walking down the street, looking cool. Helga get off the bus and collides with Arnold and Gerald.)
Gerald: Helga?
Arnold: What are you doing here?
Helga: I was walking, until you knocked me down, football head.
Arnold: Sorry, Helga. We were just...
Helga: Yeah, yeah, just out playing your dumb secret agent game. Aren't you a little old for that? Yeesh!
Gerald: Come on, Arnold. We got things to do.
Helga: Ha. What, some new plan to save the neighborhood?
Arnold and Gerald: (getting on the bus) That's right.
Arnold: Let's roll.
Helga: Try taking off those lame shades so you can see where you're walking next time. Good luck, Hardy Boys. You're gonna need it. (laughs) Oh, my brave little football-headed hero on yet another absurd quest, this time to save the only home you've ever known, armed with nothing but your best friend and your sporty utility belt. Godspeed, my steed, my only, my love. (Smacks Brainy who was hiding in sewer manhole.)
===In the bus===
Arnold: This is the place, Gerald. (They see Nick Vermicelli going out of his house. Arnold and Gerald run to the bus driver.) Uhm, Mr. driver, could you open the door? We need to get out really bad.
Gerald: We gotta follow that guy. He's got a key.
Murray: The bus stops at the corner of 43rd.
(Arnold and Gerald break away through the doors.)
Murray: Hey! Juvenile delinquents.
===In a street===
(Arnold and Gerald are following Nick Vermicelli. He comes into a door with a sign "NO ONE UNDER 21" on it.)
Gerald: Arnold, we're way under 21.
Arnold: Maybe we can get in around back.
===In a restaurant===
Ray Doppel (singing): Ain't this a great old block
Don't you wish we could roll back the clock
Oh, the windows we busted
The hubcaps we stole
The apples we boosted
The bums that we rolled
The fun that we had violating parole
Ain't this a great old block, Doc
(Arnold and Gerald dressed as waiters with fake moustaches steal into the restaurant, and hide under a table. They use Bridget's microphone to listen to what Nick Vermicelli and his female companion are saying.)
Gerald: Got it.
Arnold: What are they saying?
Red: So, is the... key safe?
Nick Vermicelli: 'Course it's safe. I got it right here.
Red: Well, that's good. We wouldn't want it to fall into the... wrong hands.
Gerald: (whispers to Arnold) A key! They're talking about a key.
Arnold: Maybe it's the key Deep Voice was talking about.
Nick Vermicelli: (Gerald is trying to adjust the microphone, and Nick's voice is hears through the restaurant loud speakers) Don't worry about the key. (The clients of the restaurant are confused.)
Client: What key?
Nick Vermicelli: What the heck's goin' on?
Arnold: What happened? Did I do that?
Nick Vermicelli: Hey, who's doing that?
Ray Doppel: (checking his microphone) This thing on? Sorry about that, folks. Hit it, Tony. (Tony the pianist starts to play.)
Nick Vermicelli: Hey, get a busboy over here. Clean up this mess and get us a couple more drinks. Yo, busboys! (He shouts to dressed up Arnold and Gerald, they are forced to come to his table.) What are you, deaf? I said clean up this mess or I'll make you wear it.
Arnold: (whispering to Gerald while they are wiping Vermicelli's table) Look. The key. It's around his neck.
Nick Vermicelli: And get us two more Bartletts pronto. No ice this time. And no lipstick. (He notices that one of Arnold's moustaches unstuck)
Gerald: (in "grown-up" voice) We'll get those for you right away, sir.
Arnold: Right away. (Arnold and Gerald hurry to leave the restaurant.)
Nick Vermicelli: ...Football-headed kid!
===Roof of the Sunset Arms===
Grandpa: Alright, you clowns. Here's the deal. The boys are off risking their life with some crazy plan to get a rare historic document from the hands of that Scheck character and they don't stand a chance. We've got to think of a back-up scheme that'll bail us out when their crazy, lamebrained plan fizzles. So come on. Think of a plan. It's got to be smart, logical and feasible.
Oskar: Maybe we could paint the house with vanishing cream. Then it would be invisible.
Ernie: That is the stupidest idea I ever heard! What if it rains? Ding-dong. You ever think about that, Kokoshka? It'll wash the vanishing cream off, and then everyone will see us.
Oskar: Oh, boo, you're right.
Ernie: What we gotta do is build a dummy neighborhood one block over. That'll pull the wool over their eyes.
Mr. Hyunh: You're the dummy, Ernie. That will never work!
Ernie: Oh, yeah? I don't see you comin' up with anything, Mr. Genius. Why you won't dig it a little deeper into the caverns of your puny mind, egg head.
Grandpa: Digging? Caverns? Hey, wait a minute. That reminds me! The secret tunnels!
Oskar: What secret tunnels?
===Secret tunnels===
Ernie: (exclaims) Marone! (His words are echoed)
Grandpa: Heh, heh. Pretty impressive, eh? A network of tunnels that honeycomb the entire block and possibly lead to the rest of the neighborhood.
Mr. Hyunh: I hate it! It's dark, and it smells. It's very creepy.
Oskar: Yeah, let's go back, Grandpa.
Grandpa: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Listen. One of these tunnels goes under the street from our house to the one across from us. If we wire it with explosives, we'll blow a hole in the street that the bulldozers can't cross.
Ernie: Yeah? Just one little detail, Gramps: Where you gonna get the explosives?
Grandpa: From you, of course. Just go down to your job site and lift a couple hundred pounds of explosives when no one's lookin'. Huh? Huh!?
Ernie: That's the craziest thing I ever heard! Especially considering I got twice that much stashed under my bed. (The rest look at him incredulously) What? Hey, we all got our little peccadilloes.
===In the police station===
(Grandma makes a Shawshenk-style tunnel from her cell.)
===In a street===
(Deep Voice is standing on a roof, watching Nick Vermicelli return to his house. Arnold and Gerald have tracked him down as well. They are on the roof of his house.)
Gerald: (looking at Nick Vermicelli through the skylight) Finally.
Arnold: Let's just hope he's ready for bed. He should be. It's midnight. As soon as he's asleep, we can get the key off of him.
(After some time...)
Gerald: As soon as he falls asleep, huh? What if he keeps watching TV for hours?
Arnold: Maybe there's nothing good on. (Nick Vermicelli's phone rings) Someone's calling him. Quick! (Pulls out Bridget's microphone)
Gerald: Oh, no. Last time we nearly got killed using that thing!
Arnold: Come on, Gerald. We gotta find out who's calling him. It might be a clue.
Gerald: Aah... Oh, all right. (Inserts an ear-phone into his ear, gasps.) It's Big Bob!
Nick Vermicelli: Yeah, Bob. Yes, you're a full partner, didn't I get through telling you that? What are you calling me for? Go to bed. What about your contract? You got a problem with the contract, Bob? Oh for heaven...! Quit readin' that thing and get some rest. (Hangs up) Stinkin' pain in the...
===Pataki residence===
Big Bob: (angrily hangs up the phone) Why, that no-good little runt! Let's see... (looks through the contract with a magnifying glass) "Party of the first part, party of the second part..." Yada, yada, yada, yada. Hey, wait a minute... (takes a closer look at the contract) What the heck?!
===Nick Vermicelli's house===
;Arnold
:(looking at Nick Vermicelli through high-tech binoculars) I think he's finally asleep, Gerald.
:(Notices that Gerald fell asleep.) Gerald. Gerald. (Shakes him.)
;Gerald
:(disoriented after waking up) Give me that key! (Realizing where he is.) I was just resting my eye.
;Arnold
:Come on, it's time to go in. (Pulls out a rope)
;Gerald
:Wait a minute. You're not gonna hang from that, are you?
;Arnold
:Not unless you want to.
;Gerald
:I don't think it's my size.
:(After some time. Arnold hangs on the rope, Gerald lowers him into Nick Vermicelli's room.)
;Nick Vermicelli
:(mumbling while he's asleep) No problem. I'll fix it.
:(Arnold draws his hand closer to the key hanging on Nick Vermicelli's neck.)
;Gerald
:Come on. Almost there. You can do it, buddy.
;Nick Vermicelli
:(talking in his sleep) What is that? Who's going?
:(A droplet of Arnold's sweat falls onto Nick Vermicelli's face. Nick Vermicelli slightly opens his eyes and sees unclear Arnold's face.)
;Nick Vermicelli
:Ah, it's an angel. (Falls asleep again.)
:(Arnold pulls the key off Nick Vermicelli's neck. Gerald pulls his up to the roof. They run away to the street. A street phone rings. Gerald picks up.)
;Gerald
:Hello?
;Deep Voice (on the phone)
:Good job getting the key.
;Arnold
:Wait. Deep Voice. Where are you?
;Deep Voice
:Don't worry about that. I'm watching all your movements.
:(We see the figure of the Deep Voice standing on the other side of the street.)
:I'm everywhere and I'm nowhere, but mostly I'm... everywhere.
;Gerald
:Come on, Deep Voice, cut the voodoo dolly mumbo jumbo, okay?
;Arnold
:Yeah, why do you have to be so mysterious?
;Deep Voice
:You two seem confused about who's calling the shots here. I am. Without me, you'll never get the document, you'll never save your neighborhood. You've got to get into Scheck's office. His safe deposit boxes are in a room behind his desk.
;Arnold
:We have to get back into his office?
;Deep Voice
:Right. Only this time, don't get caught. You've got to find a way to distract security away from the main entrance. Now, it's exactly two A.M. The bulldozers roll at seven. What are you waiting for? (Hangs up.)
;Gerald
:Man, that Deep Voice is a pain in the... (He's cut by a bus passing by with its brakes hissing.)
;Arnold
:Come on. (The boys run to the bus.)
;Gerald
:(to the bus driver) Hi, it's us. How you been?
;Murray
:Oh, so it's the two juvenile delinquents who busted my door. Think you can make up your own rules, come and go as you please, huh? Couple of renaissance men.
:(The boys get onto the bus.)
;Arnold
:Sorry about that.
;Gerald
:But we're kinda in a hurry... (Sees the sign "YOUR DRIVER'S NAME IS MURRAY") Murray.
;Murray
:Don't talk to the driver while the vehicle's in motion. (Something falls on him from above.) Ugh. The stinkin' bus is fallin' apart.
;Arnold
:I know we're not supposed to talk to you while the bus is in motion, but do you think you could drive a little faster?
;Murray
:I drive twenty-five miles an hour, no exceptions, no discussion.
;Gerald
:I wonder what bee got in his boxers.
;Murray
:Hey, you'd have a bee in your boxers too if you were in my moccasins. My girlfriend left me two weeks ago. Her name is Mona.
;Gerald
:Mona?
;Murray
She said she wanted a whole man.
;Gerald
:"A whole man?" What's that mean?
;Murray
:(shows his prosthetic leg) I lost the real one in the war. Sure, she thought it was cool at first. And then, in walks Johnny Come Lately and I'm out the doggie door. You meet a girl. You think it's forever, and then the whole thing goes kablooey. She broke my heart, and even though I still love her, I made up my mind that from now on, I ain't gonna care about nothin' or stick my neck out for nobody. I'm only lookin' out for number one.
Gerald: Well, that was an inspiring story. (whispering to Arnold) Arnold, are you sure there isn't another bus we can take to FTi?
===Police Station===
(Grandma finally escapes through the sewer.)
===FTi Building===
(Gerald points out at security cameras.)
;Gerald
:Those cameras detect any motion. If we even move, they'll see us.
:(Arnold pulls out the remote-control car.)
:Arnold, this is no time for playing with a toy car.
;Arnold
:I'm not playing, Gerald.
:(The car speeds down the hall, and camera turns to watch it.)
;Head of Security
:(seeing something on the screen) What was that?
;Guard
:Come on, let's check it out.
:(Two guards run away)
;Arnold
:We can get to Scheck's office this way. Come on.
:(The boys get into Scheck's office)
:Deep Voice said to look in the room behind his desk.
:(Gerald pulls a book from a shelf, and it opens a secret door.)
;Gerald
:What are you waiting for?
:(The boys see a huge number of safe deposite boxes. They sigh.)
:Well, we'd better get started.
===Secret tunnels===
(The men move TNT boxes from above into the tunnels.)
Ernie: That's the last of it, Gramps.
Grandpa: Now all we have to do is run this wire up to the street and wait for the bulldozers to come. Then, we blow a huge hole, and they fall right in.
Oskar: Sounds great, Grandpa. Now let's get out of here.
Mr. Hyunh: Yes! It is still very creepy.
===Nick Vermicelli's house===
(Somebody bangs the door, waking Vermicelli up. He wearily gets to his feet, turns on the light and opens the door. It's Big Bob and he is furious)
Big Bob: WAKE UP, YOU WEASEL! I JUST READ THE FINE PRINT! SO IT'S GONNA BE SCHECK'S BEEPER EMPORIUM, IS IT?! YOU WERE TRYIN' TO DOUBLE-CROSS ME!
Nick Vermicelli: I don't know what are you talkin' about, Bob.
Big Bob: I READ THE CONTRACT, PALLY! I GET A NEW BEEPER EMPORIUM, BUT SCHECK GETS 51% OF MY COMPANY!
Nick Vermicelli: Okay, okay, so it's true. But you signed a contract, so there's nothing you can do about it. The ink's dry.
Big Bob: YOU WERE IN ON IT THE WHOLE TIME! YOU KNEW HE WAS GONNA SHAFT ME!
Nick Vermicelli: Yeah, so what if I did? It's a free country.
Big Bob: REALLY? WELL, THEN IF IT'S A FREE COUNTRY, I GUESS I'M FREE TO BEAT THE LIVIN' SNOT OUTTA YA!
Nick Vermicelli: Now, Bob, don't get crazy!
Big Bob: TOO LATE!
(Bob grabs Nick by the throat; Nick grabs mexico and strikes it against Bob's head, knocking him out instantly. Once they get in the kitchen, Nick pulls out an egg mixer that he uses for self-defense. Bob (Who is now conscious) in turn uses a spatula. The two continue fighting each other until Nick splashes pickle juice on Bob, and he rips off his shirt, now looking and acting like the Incredible Hulk. Hulk-Bob lunges at Nick, but slips on the pickle juice and crashes against the fridge.)
Nick Vermicelli: Uh, Bob? (Vermicelli slams the fridge door in Hulk-Bob's face, knocking him out. As Vermicelli goes to the sink to wash himself, he looks in the mirror and finally notices that the key is gone.) The key. What happened? Oh, no. That dream I had, that angel... That wasn't no angel, it was that football-headed kid! It was really happening! He must've stole the stinkin' key! (phones to Scheck) Yeah, Mr. Scheck, it's me, Nick. Listen, I got bad news. I think I lost the key. Yeah, the key. I think that football-headed kid took it. I don't know, I was asleep. I think he snuck in and stole it. Yeah, I know. I'm stupid, stupid.
===FTi Building===
(The boys are checking the boxes.)
Gerald: (tiredly) 997.
Arnold: A'ah.
Gerald: 998.
Arnold: Nope.
Gerald: 999.
(The key finally matches the box. Arnold opens it.)
Arnold and Gerald: Empty?
Arnold: Where's the document?
Scheck: (from behind their backs) Looking for something? (Arnold and Gerald are startled) Well, here you are, back again. After I patiently explained that your mission is completely hopeless, it still is. Though I'm less inclined to entertain you after you broke into my building for the second time. Did you think you could get away with this? There are cameras everywhere. I record everything that goes on, day and night. Did you think I'd let you win, let you save your little neighborhood? Don't you realize who I am? I am Alphonse Perrier Du Von Scheck. (Scheck turns on the light revealing historical art) I can trace my ancestry back to the founding fathers. (Scheck angrily turns to a framed painting) You know when we lost control of this city? When that ridiculous Tomato Incident took place in your pathetic little neighborhood. (Scheck takes the painting from the wall, breaks it in half, and flings to the floor) Tearing it down and putting my name upon its place will be revenge of the sweetest kind. (Grins evilly)
;Arnold
:But the document. Where's the document?
;Scheck
:(laughs evilly, reaches into his jacket, and pulls out the document and a lighter)
:Unfortunately, like your little plan, it's about to go up in smoke.(With an evil smirk, Scheck burns the document in front of Arnold and Gerald. The burnt pieces fall at the boys' feet.) My guards will now lock you away where you won't cause any more trouble.
:(The guards are ready to take the boys away. Gerald sees a couple of sheathed sabres on the wall.)
;Gerald
:Arnold! (He throws one sabre to Arnold, which he uses to hit a guard's foot.)
;Guard
:Ow! Ohh! (Gerald goes for the Head of Security.)
;Head of Security
:No no no no---ouuhhh! (Gets whacked in the crotch)
;Gerald
:Run! (They run from the secret room past Mr. Scheck)
;Scheck
:(to the guards) Oh, get them, for heaven's sake.
;Guards
:Put that away, come on. Okay, go.
:(The boys are running through the labyrinths of halls.)
:Ah! There they are! Get 'em!
;Gerald
:Arnold, I'll lose the guys on the stairway. You head for the garage. See if you can find a way out. Call me on the walkie. Go!
(They split. Arnold gets to the parking area. The phone on the wall rings and Arnold picks up.)
;Arnold
:Hello?
;Deep Voice (on the phone)
:Arnold, what happened?!
;Gerald
:Man, where are you?
;Deep Voice
:Nevermind that, where's the document?
;Arnold
:He burned it! Scheck burned it!
;Deep Voice
:Burned it?
Arnold: Yeah, right in front of us. He laughed at us. He said we never had a chance. He's gonna win, Deep Voice.
Deep Voice: Don't give up, Arnold.
Arnold: (sighs) Why not? It's over.
Deep Voice: It's not over, there must be something! Aren't there any other copies?
Arnold: No, he wouldn't make a copy. ...Wait a minute. There were video cameras all over the place.
Deep Voice: Video cameras?
Arnold: Yeah, the video cameras record everything that goes on in Scheck's building. All the time. Scheck said so himself.
Deep Voice: Then the document must be on a videotape the moment that he burned it! Arnold, if you can get to the room where the video recorders are, you can find the tape and catch him in the act of burning the document!
Arnold: Yeah, and then we can show the tape to the police and it'll be as good as the document itself. We can win, Deep Voice. We can save the neighborhood! (Arnold hangs up, and runs.)
===Harvey's bathroom===
(Grandma gets out of Harvey's lavatory, scaring Harvey while he sits in the bath.)
===FTi Building===
(Arnold gets into the room with security cameras displays, and disables the video camera in it. He finds a recording of Scheck burning the document.)
;Guards
:(running past the room Arnold is in.) Down here.
;Scheck
:(goes in his office, notices that he does not get signal from one of the cameras.)
:What the--?
:(He adjusts the camera and sees Arnold in the room. Enraged, he presses a button that sounds an alarm.)
;Alarm
:Warning: Intruder, level five.
:Warning: Intruder, level five.
:Warning: Intruder, level five.
(Arnold runs away from the room he was, going upstairs.)
;Arnold
:(through walkie-talkie) Gerald, Gerald, I got it!
;Gerald
:(on the ground outside the FTi building) You got it? I thought he burned it.
;Arnold
:He did, and I got the whole thing on videotape. We can show it to the police. It's just as good, maybe better!
;Gerald
:Arnold, I am moved by your greatness. You've gotta get out of there!
;Arnold
:I'm gonna have to wait till the guards are gone.
;Gerald
:Okay, I'm on the street outside the building. I'll get us a cab and meet you in front in two minutes.
;Arnold
:We've got twenty-four minutes to get across town before the bulldozers roll. We can make it. See you in two, Gerald.
(Arnold runs. The phone on the wall rings, and he picks up.)
;Deep Voice (on the phone)
:Don't go out in the hall yet. It's swarming with guards.
;Arnold
:Wait, how do you know I'm here? Where are you?
;Deep Voice
:Don't worry about me. The point is you've got the evidence you need to save the neighborhood. Now we've got to get you safely out of the building. (Arnold notices the figure of the Deep Voice, and comes closer to it.) If you're caught now, all is lost.
;Arnold
:(looking at the cloaked figure) Huh, Deep Voice. Tell me how I can get out of here? (Drops the phone receiver and comes to the figure of Deep Voice.)
;Deep Voice
:Okay Arnold, listen. You've got to wait until the guards have gone to the other side of the building. I have a plan to distract them, but it'll only buy you a few minutes. They're covering the elevators and the stairs. So...
;Arnold
:(stepping on to the roof) Deep Voice!
(lightning flashes)
;Deep Voice
:(hiding the face) Don't come another step closer. Pay no attention to that man with the voice box.
;Arnold
:Who are you?
;Deep Voice
:Uh-uh... N-No one in particular. (we can see a bit of pink clothes underneath the trenchcoat)
;Arnold
:(approching while Deep Voice moves back to the edge of the roof) No more games, Deep Voice. I'm not doing anything until I know who you are. (A stilt breaks, Deep Voice stumbles and falls on to the ground, revealing it was only Helga in disguise.)
:Helga?! You? You're Deep Voice?
;Helga
:(still in voice box) Heh-heh. Looks (normal voice) like it.
;Arnold
:But I don't get it. How come... How come you couldn't just tell me what you knew? Why'd you have to make up all this crazy secret identity?
;Helga
:(nervously) No reason.
;Arnold
:But Helga, you just risked everything to help me save the neighborhood.
;Helga
:So? What's your point?
;Arnold
:That's a pretty amazing thing to do for someone you claim to hate.
;Helga
:Yeah, well, I'm a pretty amazing person, football head.
;Arnold
:But, I thought you were on your dad's side. I thought you were gonna get rich off the whole deal.
;Helga
:Money isn't everything.
;Arnold
:Helga, why'd you do it?
;Helga
:(nervously) It's my civic duty.
;Arnold
:Helga.
;Helga
:'Cause I love a good mystery?
;Arnold
:Oh, come on! What's the real reason?
;Helga
:Oh, I don't know Arnoldo, I guess maybe I just took pity on you and your stupid friends.
;Arnold
:Well, why?
;Helga
:(stalling) Because... 'cause I guess maybe I don't hate you as much as I thought, okay? I guess maybe I... I even kinda like you a little. Heck, I-I guess you might even kinda say I like you a lot.
;Arnold
:You do? You did this for me?
;Helga
:That's right, hair boy. I mean, criminy, what else are you supposed to do when someone you love is in trouble?
;Arnold
:Love?
Helga: (no longer angry) You heard me, pal. I love you, LOVE YOU! (Arnold falls down briefly, and gets back up.) Who else do you think has been stalking you night and day, building shrines to you in a closet, filling volumes of books with poems about you? I love you Arnold! I’ve always loved you, ever since I first laid eyes on your stupid football head! And from that moment and every moment since, I’ve lived and breathed for you, dreamed of the moment I could finally tell you my secret feelings and could grab you and kiss you and—! Oh, come here, you big lug! (Helga kisses Arnold like there is no tomorrow. Arnold's pupils get small and his hat falls off.)
Arnold: I'm confused. Did you just say you love me?
Helga: (angrily) What, are you deaf?!
Gerald (on the walkie-talkie): Arnold!
Helga: (angrily grabs the walkie-talkie) Not now!
Gerald: (confusedly staring at walkie-talkie) Not now? Who the...?
Helga: Oh, Arnold, just hold me. (Arnold sneaks out of her embrace)
Arnold: I... I... I-I need to think.
Helga: (dreamily) Yes, I suppose you'll have to do the thinking for both of us now, darling. (Tries to kiss him, but Arnold dodges.)
Arnold: Whoa, this is all happening too fast. I feel—I feel dizzy. I need to lie down.
Helga: (dreamily) Wonderful, I'll go with you.
Arnold: No! I mean, there's no time for that. We’ve got twenty minutes to get back to the neighborhood before the bulldozers roll!
Helga: (dreamily) Bulldozers?
Arnold: Helga. The neighborhood. We have to save the neighborhood! Come on. Let's roll. (He pulls out a rope with a hook.)
(They get down to the ground using the rope, passing by Scheck's window. Helga blows a raspberry at Scheck.)
===Bus===
(Arnold and Helga see Gerald standing in a bus doors)
Arnold: Oh, no.
Gerald: I couldn't find a cab. Come on. Helga? What's she doing here?
Arnold: No time to explain, Gerald. (He and Helga get on the bus.) We got exactly sixteen minutes to get back to the neighborhood and stop the bulldozers.
Murray: Behind the yellow line.
===FTI building===
Scheck: (sees in security monitor of the children to enter a bus, pounds on the monitor) NOOOOO! (talking to Nick on the phone) Nick! That football-headed kid and his little pals have a copy of the document on videotape and they're headed uptown right now with it on city bus number 13. GET 'EM!
===A street===
Nick Vermicelli: (to the phone) Don't worry, Boss. I'll take care of it. (Hangs up.) All right, everybody, listen up. There's a bus headed uptown. Your job is to stop it. (FTi helicopters raise into the air.)
===Bus===
Gerald: (to Murray) Couldn't you go just a little faster?
Murray: I drive twenty-five miles an hour. No exceptions, no discussion.
Arnold: But people's lives are at stake!
Murray: It's not my problem.
Gerald: But you see, the thing is, Murray, we're kind on in a hurry. A whole neighborhood's about to be torn down and we have a proof that can stop 'em from doing it. We have to get there in fourteen minutes.
Murray: I'll get you there when I get you there, which, according to my schedule, will be in about forty-four minutes.
Arnold: But that'll be too late!
Gerald: We have to get there in fourteen minutes.
Murray: Then I guess you're gonna have to sprout wings and fly, Chester.
Arnold: Don't you wanna save all those people's homes?
Murray: Not my problem, kid.
Arnold: Don't you care that every building from 33rd to 39th Street is going to be demolished?
Murray: (surprised) 33rd to 39th Street?
Arnold: Right.
Murray: Hey, that's where Mona lives. Hang on to your goodies, kids. We got a neighborhood to save. (The bus accelerates so much that the kids are thrown with momentum into its side.)
(Scheck drives away from his building. The helicopters fly along.)
Gerald: Is there anything we can do?
Murray: Yeah. You can get down on your knees and pray this hunk o' junk holds together long enough to get us uptown in one piece!
===Street===
(Grandpa and the boarders get into a trench they have made.)
Grandpa: Hey, where's Arnold?
===Bus===
Arnold: (pointing out at the road blocked by FTi men ahead of them.) Look!
Helicopter pilot: In position, sir.
Nick Vermicelli: (into walkie-talkie) Do it.
Helicopter pilot: (to drawbridge mechanician) Roger that.
(The drawbridge starts to raise.)
Gerald: Baruch atah Adonai...
Arnold: I didn't know you were religious.
Gerald: Neither did I.
(The bus jumps over the open space between the two bridge halves. Murray hits his head hard and passes out.)
Arnold: (runs to the driver and shakes him) Murray! (Murray does not wake up, and Arnold takes the steering wheel. Murray's prosthetic leg gets stuck in the gas pedal.)
Gerald: His fake leg's stuck. I can't budge it.
Helga: Oh, perfect.
Arnold: Gerald, you'll have to drive.
Helga: Him?!
Gerald: Me?! Are you crazy?!
Arnold: Gerald, you're the top-scoring Runaway Bus player at the arcade. You can do it.
Gerald: (still trying to free the pedal) Arnold, that's a game. This is real life!
Arnold: You can do it, Gerald. I know you can.
Gerald: Why do you always have to do that, why you always have to look on the bright side? "We can save the neighborhood, we can find the document, you can drive the bus."
Arnold: Because somebody has to.
Gerald: Oh man. (Gets up.) Get on the floor. You too, Helga. (Takes the steer wheel)
Helga: The floor, why?
Gerald: Because I'm driving the bus, OK? And because I'm nine years old, and I can't reach the pedals. Do it! Arnold, you work the clutch. Helga, you work the brakes. And both of you, try to get Murray's fake leg off the stinking gas pedal! (Arnold and Helga do what they are told, Helga sniffs Arnold's hair, sighs dreamily, then promplty slaps herself to stay focused.)
(They see Grubby crossing the street with a cart full of cans.)
Gerald: Brake!
(The bus strikes the cart, but the man manages to avoid it.)
Grubby: My cans!
Gerald: Clutch! Clutch! (Arnold presses the clutch.)
Scheck: (Singing as he drives his car down a street parallel to the one the bus is on.) You take the high road, and I'll take the low road. (Evilly laughs.)
===In front of the Sunset Arms===
(Grandpa, Mr. Hyunh, Oskar, and Ernie are hiding in a blindage.)
Grandpa: (looking at Nick Vermicelli and FTi workers through binoculars.) What the heck are those guys up to?
===Scheck's car===
Scheck (into the phone): Is the overpass wired?
Nick Vermicelli: (into the phone) Yes.
Scheck: Blow it.
Nick Vermicelli: Ehm, just so we're being straight here, boss, this is pretty serious.
Scheck: Serious?
Nick Vermicelli: Yeah, you know, as in fifteen to life.
Scheck: (angrily) JUST DO IT, YOU INCOMPETENT MORON! [Nick Vermicelli presses a button, and a section of highway blows up, everyone looks up. Truck driver stops before the destroyed area.]
===Street in front of the Sunset Arms===
[The Scheckvision countdown reaches 00:00:00]
Computerized Voice: Two, one, zero.
Nick Vermicelli: All right, it's seven o'clock. Time to take it all down! (Whistles to the workers. Bulldozers start.)
Grandpa: (holding a detonation plunger) Oh, why'd I eat chilli for breakfast?
Ernie: Easy, Gramps. Don't blow yet.
Grandpa: Okay, men. As soon as I push down this plunger, we'll commence Operation Stop the Bulldozer.
Big Bob: (scaring them) Hey, what's goin' on? 286-DX plunger, high-gauge wire, C-47 tubing. I know what you're up to. You're planning to blow the street up, make a hole big enough to stop the bulldozers from knocking down the neighborhood. You could do serious jail time for that.
Grandpa: Well, I...
Big Bob: (smiling) You need any help?
===Bus===
Gerald: (seeing a section of the highway missing) We can't make it, Arnold!
Helga: Maybe we can jump out.
Arnold: No. No, use the truck! (Shows at a truck stopped close to the missing section of the highway.) We can jump the hole!
Gerald: Jump the hole?! Arnold, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard! Let's do it!
Murray: (waking up) Hey, what happened?
Arnold: It's OK, Murray. We're jumping the ramp.
Murray: Ramp? What ramp? (Sees it and passes out again.)
(The bus jumps off the ramp, flies over the boarding house in slow-motion, and two tyres broken off. The boarders look at it astonished. It lands successfully on the other side of the overpass.)
===In front of the Sunset Arms===
(Grandma jumping from one roof on another reaches the place. She jumps into one of the bulldozers.)
Rasta Guy: Ooh, my, what smell is so rank?
Grandma: Get out. (Tosses him from the bulldozer.)
(The bus crashes through a construction barricade, getting nearer to their destination. The children see bulldozers blocking their way.)
Gerald: Now what?
Arnold: Grandma!
Gerald: What about your Grandma? She's in jail.
Arnold: She was in jail. (Points out at Grandma)
(Grandma uses her bulldozer to disable the rest by knocking them over.)
Arnold: Yay, Grandma!
Gerald: You know she's going back to jail, Arnold.
Arnold: I know.
(But one bulldozer is still left. The bus runs into it)
Gerald: Hang on!
(The bus falls onto its right side, crashing in the process and stops. People come out to look at the bus. TV reporters and the mayor arrive. The bus is a wreck. Everyone looks worried, until...)
Arnold: (finally getting out of the damaged bus) I got it! I got the tape!
Grandpa: Oh, that's wonderful, Arnold! What tape?
Arnold: The tape that'll prove this neighborhood is a national historic landmark and can never be destroyed. All I need is a VCR, and I can show you what I'm talking about.
Bridget: I'm way ahead of you, Arnold.
Arnold: Bridget?
Bridget: Up here. (We can see Bridget standing at the base of the Scheckvision screen with a VCR under her arm.)
TV reporters: Tape!
(Bridget uses a rope with a hook to get down.)
Harold: Wow.
Helga: (sarcastically) Hm. Who does she think she is, anyway? Catwoman?
(Bridget gives Arnold the VCR and Arnold puts the tape into it. Scheck burning the document appears on the Scheckvision screen. They zoom it in. Everyone looks appalled.)
Mayor Dixie: Oh, my word! That's enough for me. (To the TV cameras) As your mayor, I reclaim this entire neighborhood as a national historic landmark, never to be torn down.
(Everyone cheers.)
(Scheck's car finally arrives)
Scheck: It's after seven o'clock! What are you idiots waiting for? KNOCK IT DOWN!
(The workers look angrily at Scheck and point to the screen)
Grandpa: It's that lying crook, Scheck! Come on! Let's get the car!
Crowd: I got the hubcap!
(Mr. Scheck gets back into the car and tries to drive away. He sees the kids in front of him and tries to mow them down, but realizes he isn't moving. It is shown that Grandma has already removed the tires.)
(Arnold taps the glass, and policemen appear next to him.)
Scheck: Oohhh... (They put handcuffs on him and take him away.) I would've gotten away with it, if it wasn't for that meddling football head, the kid with the weird stack of hair, and that brat with one eyebrow!
Helga: (Slams the door of the police van) Tell it to the judge, you big donut-hole!
Big Bob: Yeah, tell it to your cellmate in Folsom. (Big Bob sees Nick Vermicelli trying to run away. Bob growls and bodyslams Nick) Where are you goin', Pipsqueak?
Nick Vermicelli: Hey, Bob, I'll make it up to you. I'll buy you breakfast, we can talk, they have a special--AAAH!
(But Big Bob won't have any of it and knocks Nick out with one punch)
Stinky: Willikers, what a day! Fistfights, car chases and political intrigue.
Sid: Oh, and don't forget about the overpass blowin' up!
Harold: Yeah, and it's only 7:30 in the morning! I wanna go back to bed. I'm exhausted.
(Harold sits on the detonator plunger.)
Grandpa: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
[But it is too late; the building with the Scheckvision screen blows up. The sound of glass shattering is heard as the screen falls down.]
Scheck (on Scheckvision screen, now all cracked and staticky.): Change is good. Change is good. Change is good, change-change-good-change-good-change-change is good...(Multiple Schecks appear on the screen until the picture goes out.)
Grandpa: What do you know. I thought we set the explosives more down the middle of the street. (To the boarders) You didn't see nothing. Scatter. (They all run away.)
Murray: (gets out of the broken bus) What happened? We made it!
Mona: Murray!
Murray: Mona?
Mona: Murray! You saved the neighborhood! You're my hero. And I'm so sorry I made fun of your leg.
Murray: I don't care. I love you, baby.
Mona: I love you too, Murray. I love you just the way you are. (They embrace.)
(Arnold and Helga look at the couple.)
Arnold: Pretty crazy day. (steps away from Helga)
Helga: (embarrassedly) Yeah, we... ooh... said a lot of nutty things back there.
Arnold: Yeah.
Helga: Y-Yeah. W-Well, um. About all that stuff I said, Arnold, I... I... I mean... It was crazy back there, and...
Arnold: Yeah, with all the excitement we just... we just kinda...
Helga: G-Got carried away?
Arnold: You didn't really mean all that, did you? You don't really... love me, right?
Helga: Right.
Arnold: You were caught up in the heat of the moment, right?
Helga: (liking the idea) Right!
Arnold: You actually hate me, don't you?
Helga: (really liking the idea) Of course I hate you, you stupid football head, and don't you ever forget it! Ever!
Arnold: Okay. (Helga storms away, as Arnold looks at her with a knowing smile. Behind the corner, Helga switches into happy mood.)
Helga: Yes! La-la-la!
Gerald: Well, I guess we did it, Arnold. We saved the neighborhood.
Arnold: Yep. Guess everything's back to normal.
Gerald: What do you say we go shoot some hoops?
Arnold: Gerald, our ball's flat, remember?
Gerald: No-no-no. Just a little low on air.
Arnold: Wait a minute. Now you're looking on the bright side?
Gerald: Somebody has to do it. (Eugene shows up.)
Eugene (singing): We saved our neighborhood
They could not tear it down
They could not turn our smile
Into a frown
Gerald: (switches off the stereo) The show's over, Eugene.
[Helga dances away happily as the movie fades out.]
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