R.O.B. The Robot

R.O.B The Robot is the 18th episode of The Irate Gamer, in the episode, Chris Bores reviews R.O.B The Robot for NES.
The long list of doublethink commited by The Irate Gamer can be seen here.
==Plot summary (part 1)==
Irate Gamer spends months lost in his house after plastering it with posters. Irate Gamer then claims he did 2 months work to get his tax rebate. Irate Gamer finds the scripts for the ROB episode of Awesome Video Games and the atari 5200 AVGN review. Hilarity ensues .
==High Detail Plot summary (PART 1)==
Unfortunately the news section of Irate Gamer website has been 1984'd as such the following information will be based on upon historical trends and statistics. After lighting a bong, Irate Gamer suddenly found that 2 weeks had passed by and nothing had happened aside from mangling of logic and the English language on his ladybuggin777 account. He decided that he must act and so Chris Bores against all odds, against the nature of FATE itself managed to... remaster an old video by not really doing anything to it and the mangling of logic and the English langauge on his ladybuggin777 account. "Hmmm that's not very productive of me" said Chris Bores, "time to bring on my A game". And so another 2 weeks pass and Irate Gamer had found himself smack dab in the middle of an unfamiliar room that had no walls. "OH MY GOD" said Chris Bores "I'm outside... AHHHH natural light!". And so it came to pass that another 2 weeks went by (1.5 months cumulative) and Chris Bores had found himself posting a 48 second video of Iron Man movie review having just managed to go outside to watch said movie. Proud of himself, Irate Gamer began to plaster video game posters all over his room while telling the masses the glory of his next irate gamer episode as well as mangling logic and the English language on his ladybuggin777 account. After 2 weeks of singing the praise of work that has yet to be done, Irate Gamer finally said "Oh shit, I forgetz to do something" and then posted "LOL, batdan is off his meds again" on his ladybuggin777 account. All was well, until Irate Gamer realized he forgot to make a review. And so Irate Gamer, like he always does, slapped together pointless complaints and non-sense facts as well as lame footage together to make the masterpiece that is "food fight" the movie. Also he made R.O.B the robot review with the wonderful magic of "PLaGiArIsM".
After the standard intro the word season 2 can be seen, meaning that this is the first season 2 episode. However since Irate Gamer just randomly slaps episodes with season numbers there's no way to tell if this is the first or last season 2 episode. Most fans would find the word thumb|right|335 px|Chris attempted to perform a history major in college unfortunately all he managed to get was degrees that don't exist.season funny anyway since there's no reason why pepper or salt should be in the intro scene. Unfortunately the review starts and with a picture of a constipated Irate Gamer looking down towards R.O.B. This picture took 2 years to make. Irate Gamer is suddenly wearing a blue shirt and Chris Bores has said that he is operating in a new set, which is the same as the old set, just with posters covering everything. "It makes it easier for me tell people that I can't find the door to my room and thus can't leave. Before I'd have to tell them I couldn't fit through the door frame, which was the truth" said Chris Bores on his website in the documentary for this episode. Irate Gamer then says “Today we’re going to look at a very obscure Nintendo accessory that not many people probably recognize” even though many people recognize R.O.B because he was in the recent smash bros games and Mario kart. Irate Gamer decides to mangle logic and the english language but this time with a twist! Chris Bores will accomplish this feat without using his ladybuggin777 account *SHOCKING GASPS*. Chris succeeds in his pledge by saying “Nintendo decided to pair the NES System up with a robot and market the console as a robot gaming system rather than a video game system.” demonstrating that the Nintendo entertainment system system is a real thing (English language says ow) and that the consumer market who was looking for a toy and not another game system would buy a gaming system (logic says yup I be mangled). To further mangle logic, Irate Gamer says "To everyone’s surprise, the plan worked" forgetting the acknowledge that the sucess of the NES had many factors such as a massive campaign to get into retail to stores to begin with. Proving that he has mastered the topic known as history, Chris  says "700 games produced for the NES" even though there are more than 800 NES games in existence.
Irate Gamer brags about obtaining a Japanese R.O.B and decides to call it a fucker because its not an American. He states that the colors of the famicom robot do not match the console even though they do because the famicom is red and white but decides to screw up anyway because doing the research is for suckers. Chris attempts to set up the R.O.B's accessories for “optima paformance”, a type of performance akin to the removed final fantasy spell optima (the lackluster version of ultima). “This is a highly technological piece of shit we’re dealing with” says Chris Bores wearing his thinking cap. Chris decides that since he hasn't done anything interesting or entertaining that he should take a skit directly from AVGN's 5200 atari review. Chris goes around his room trying to find batteries even though as a reviewer he should have these in stock since he does have portable systems (where as AVGN was simply trying to find a suitable power socket). In addition Chris plays copyrighted castlevannia music and does not cite it in the credits. Chris states that Rob the robot requires 4 AA batteries and the accessories require 1 D battery. Chris starts the game gyromite and decides to not point out that the in-game menu lists the japanese translation of the name "Gyro Robo" even though this is the kind of thing he would normally complain about in previous reviews. Chris decides that poor editing filler is what the audience ordered and decides to show the audience ROB the robot slowly turning for a full minute before it presses the B button, occasionally splicing his calm THC induce face in to scare the audience. “All that just to push the A button” says Chris too stoned to tell the difference from the B button to the A button. “What a piece of diarrhea dickwaffles!” says Chris demonstrating that he's hankering for some dick again.
Chris finally starts playing the game and decides he's changed professions to village idiot again when he says “In this game, you start off as Professor Gyro” even though its professor Hector although this is no surprise to the guy who thinks he's more crediable than wikipedia. Chris elaborates the player is tasked with collecting all the dynamite before they explode (when the timer runs out) and says that its odd for people to die in violent tunnel collapsing explosions because his profession has not changed. Chris decides MOAR plagarism is A-Okay and mentions how Rob controls the red and blue pillars before pressing a sticker on his controller that makes Rob dance and in the process completely ripping off the work of Awesome Video Games. Chris notes that ROB the robot takes far too long to do anything and decides to flip off the in-organic plastic toy because that's what mature adults would do. Chris then says that Hector is defenseless as he cannot attack and cannot jump over enemies and does not bother to name the enemies because his village called. Chris does not bother to realize that the game is a puzzle game because he complains that Hector cannot jump and laments the fact that he got Hector stuck in a hole even though he knows that hector cannot jump. Experts would call Chris a dumbass but the fact of the matter is that Chris would repeatedly touch or lick an electric fence while complaining that the electric fence is indeed electric because his profession calls for it.
“Look how much faster I can beat the stage without using the robot” says Chris Bores pointing out the obvious correlation between playing a game without slow mechanical hands and beating the game faster. Chris then demonstrates his one track mind in which he says that “the suicide rates in this country alone would go through the roof” if super mario bros had the jump button on the other controller even though suicide isn't funny (nor would suicide be the logical outcome of a game sucking). Chris then gets his character killed by a smick while waiting for ROB to move a pillar and says “You dickbag! You’re the worst player I ever played with!” at which point the audience and ROB can be heard snickering at Irate Gamer's lack of competency. Chris then makes ROB accidentally crush professor Hector in a skit directly taken from Awesome Video Games. Chris then decides it okay to take Awesome Video Game's plot too and tells the ROB to behave while a "To be continued" shows up even there's no reason for that to happen. 
==Plot summary (part 2)==
Chris Bores makes a pointless trailer for an episode that no one wants to see. Hyping up the video to be awesome, Chris puts very little time or effort into the work.thumb|center|335px|NEW RECORD!
==High Detail Plot summary (part 2)==
Not satsified with being repetitive, Chris decides to continue reviewing gyromite despite already pointing out that ROB is too slow a partner to play the game. Chris decides that its perfectly acceptable to accomplish nothing and decides to list out the steps of completing a level because clearly that is necessary for a review especailly when one could just say it was tedious. While enacting the steps required to beat the level, Chris begins sweating from a THC overdose (or possible withdrawal). Chris fails to get to the all the dynamite caches due to sucking and then makes a sad face at the camera. Unfortunately the audience is already dead due to having to wait through all the pointless padding for what is supposed to be an "awesome" episode. It is at this time that a local news station in Ohio reported that the hype train had crashed into the wall of reality. It is unknown if a rescue operation is underway or whether there were any casualities.
Chris decides that he wants to practice being a serial killer and starts grabbing ROB the robot by the neck as if to choke him even though this is entirely his fault for not giving efficent commands or proper prioritizing of dynamite caches. Chris then reveals that he had simply bought a ROB the robot second hand at a garage sale when he notes that ROB the robot accesories are expensive and remarks that the kind people who had giving him the robot at a discount were idiots. This is simply a case of Chris Bore's morality as people who do nice things must be weak and those who behave like assholes must be strong people. This makes perfect sense as to why Chris is so terrible at ROB the robot's game. ROB the robot is not equiped with razor sharp claws to mangle small children and the professor Hector is defenseless and seeks to prevent destruction by defusing dynamite. Neither of these characters would be endearing to Chris.
Chris Bores begins playing the game stack-up specifically starting on the direct mode. Chris explains that the direct mode is about getting Rob the robot to set up the design shown on screen. Chris is annoyed that the game is unable to detect that the player has set up the design due to not being made out of expensive hyperfuture-technology and thus the game sucks. “So the first game totally sucks ass” says Chris not noting that he has serious problems with his own ass hence the constipation. To help the imaginatively impaired, a stamp is put on the game that says “Sucks Ass” clearly reminding viewers the intelligence level that is required to be able to enjoy this video. That stamp took several weeks of effort. Unsurprisingly this lazy excuse for an topic ender is all Chris has to say about the game and even refuses to point out that the game couldn't possibly check whether your designed matched the game's design. Chris decides that lazily reviewing the direct mode wasn't terrible enough, so he reviews the memory mode of the game. In memory mode the object of the game is to pay careful attention and put effort into creating a sequence of moves, all of which are not done until you select execute, that result in the design displayed on screen. Since Chris Bores is lazy, Chris creates a sequene of moves that fails to account for the height of the blocks, resulting in the arms of ROB the robot knocking over the blocks. Considering that if this was construction work this would be considered homicidal negligence, Chris decides to pretend that it was totally ROB's fault that Chris failed to take into account the height of the blocks. Chris then decides to lazily defend his own negligence by saying that this game mode sucks because ROB the robot sucks. “You stupid robot!” says Chris Bores not remembering the meaning of "garbage input = garbage output". Not satisifed with 2 out of 2 lazy reviews, Chris reviews the bingo mode and states that its bingo with 2 guys who mess with the board. The party button is still put in the middle because Bores couldn't be bothered to remove the special effect.
“this game just isn’t Stack-Up, it’s also Fucked-Up” says Chris Bores about the stack-up game because clearly the audience requires to be reminded of something he just reviewed five minutes ago. To help remind viewers about the intelligence requirements of the show, Chris puts a thumb|right|475 px|Irate Gamer has succesfully usurped certain titles in this review.box art picture with the word fuck in place of the word stack... because clearly this is humor... less. Chris being a total jerk who is scaming his friend and lying about the content of his work and effort, naturally infuriates ROB the robot since ROB's mission given by nintendo was to save the gaming industry by letting consumers know it was safe to buy the NES by tricking people into thinking the NES was a 'toy'. ROB decides that in order to save the gaming industry, Irate gamer must be exposed for what he is and throws a gyro at Irate Gamer. Because the writing is terrible and Chris can't decide on how aggressive he is due to THC, Chris just stands there taking several gyros to the face before finally jumping out the way of a fireball that makes laser sound effects. Chris demonstrates his 'martial arts' style by failing to hit a platic toy with caveman type strikes even though it shouldn't be hard for Chris to just grab ROB and tear off his head with his mighty jaws. Rob then uses his jetpack to fly noting that Chris is a substantial idiot for thinking people wouldn't know ROB when he is directly referencing smash bros. ROB charges at Chris preparing to throw a fireball and Chris decides to look behind him because he doesn't want to waste anymore calories trying to prevent his death. Chris finds a mirror that was placed there by audience members to get Chris to look at himself and reflect on what he's doing and where he is in life. The mirror naturally reflects the fireball because his demonic powers allow Chris to invert the fireball using the mirror and this completely disintegrates ROB the robot. Since ROB the robot was trying to save the world and this was a complete plagarism of awesome video game's plot, Chris does not regret killing a sentient being. It doesn't matter anyway because the Irate Gamer plot makes no sense and ROB will somehow be rebuilt despite not being in pieces... but that is a story for another time.
==Trivia==
*Chris made a trailer for this episode despite it being a second part
*This Is The First Appearance Of ROB
*R.O.B was resurrected years later as Irate Gamer's sidekick. He was not particularly useful.
*This is the first time Chris wears his long-sleeved, blue button-up shirt.
==Video==
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==External links==
*Part 1 at The Internet Movie Database
*Part 2 at The Internet Movie Database
Category:The Irate Gamer episodes
Category:The Irate Gamer season 2 episodes