Advice No One Asked For - Number Two/Transcript

Advice No One Asked For - Number Two is the second episode of Buckley's "Advice No One Asked For" series.  It is available as an audio file on his website (in the "Supplements" section), as well as on YouTube.
Description (as seen on the website): "Advice No One Asked For", where I help those who probably don't want my help!  This person is dealing with a co-worker who's being nosy when they're not working.  
Description (as seen on YouTube): From the archives, and now available for the first time on YouTube: my 2nd "Advice No One Asked For" segment from January of 2010.  Here, I help a person who is having trouble with a nosy co-worker...or am I helping the company?
==Transcript==
(introduction music playing during the following paragraph)
Welcome to "Advice No One Asked For".  The segment where I, Buckley, answer a question from someone who originally asked it to another advice columnist.  Is this legal?  Can you copyright a question?  Ah, maybe I'll ask a lawyer someday, but for now, I've got people with problems to help, whether they wanted it or not.  Today's question comes from a slacker.
Dear not Buckley,
I am dealing with a nosy co-worker and am getting fed up with her behaviour.  We are in very close quarters and I constantly catch her peeking at my computer screen.  She also appears to be listening to my phone calls.  I know you will say I shouldn't be on personal calls at work, but sometimes you have to, and you shouldn't have to worry about someone eavesdropping over your shoulder.  Any suggestions?
Signed, Going Crazy in my Cubicle
You're right - I will say you shouldn't be on personal calls at work.  Why is it that you "sometimes have to"?  Are your family members contracting various diseases or dropping dead while you're at work?  If so, who gives a shit? It can probably wait until you're home, it's not like they're gonna get any more dead in the meantime.  And as for catching her looking at your computer screen?  Well, I'm guessing this probably wouldn't be a problem if you were doing work on your computer, but you're probably checking your Facebook, then you see that one of your slutty, pathetic, loser friends made a status update about their latest, doomed relationship finally ending, so you have to call them and console them.  You know, we're in a recession, and there are plenty of people who would love to have your job, and you spend it dicking around, taking the fact that you can feed your family for granted.  My advice?  Hope that nosy co-worker doesn't rat you out to the boss, who will then fire your sorry ass.  If that does happen though, you can always look on the bright side - you'll have all day to fuck around on the Internet and call your dipshit friends, at least until you run out of money to pay your phone, hydro, and Internet bills.  
(introductory music playing)
I'm Buckley, and you're welcome.
Category:Transcripts