Avengers/Script

Nice Peter: I'm Nice Peter.
EpicLLOYD: And I'm EpicLLOYD.
Nice Peter: Last time...uhh...I have no idea what happened.
EpicLLOYD: Last time, we got locked up again all episode and missed out on watching our victims duke it out in epic brawls, so that sucked ass. Bob Ross got kicked off and Adam ended up on the Massive Winners side since Napolaster Dynachief got moved to the Epic Failures side.
Nice Peter: I think you got the teams mixed up there.
EpicLLOYD: If you want mix up, try the fact that Adam is now on the wrong team thanks to Zach.
Zach Sherwin: Don't blame me, I was dragged into the whole thing by Watsky. He has some weird superiority complex over me.
EpicLLOYD: In any case, I guess we can just leave it as it is. More drama means more ratings anyways. Wanna go grab something to eat? I'm starved.
Nice Peter: Yeah, me too.
*Nice Peter, EpicLLOYD, and Zach Sherwin all leave.*
Macho Man: ...umm... Here, on Total Drama ERB, brothers!
*The scene cuts to the Massive Failures house past midnight, where Napoleon Dynamite is asleep on the couch. Justin Bieber carries a small glass of water over to him, sticking the sleeping Napoleon Dynamite's hand into the cup, resulting in his crotch getting wet.*
Justin Bieber: *whispering* Oh, shit, I didn't think that'd actually work, aha! ...wait, what the hell is this? *pulls a jockstrap out of the cup* Oh, what the fuck!?
(Confessional) Muhammad Ali: ... *shrugs*
Napoleon Dynamite: *wakes up* Huh? Aw, ew! Did you pour water on my crotch, dude?
Justin Bieber: What? Ew, no. You wet yourself, dude.
Miley Cyrus: *entering the living room* What exactly is going on in here?
Justin Bieber: Our friendly nerd-berhood Spider-Dork pissed himself in his sleep.
Miley Cyrus: Oh, leave him alone, Justin. He probably saw your face and screamed, it was so scary.
(Confessional) Justin Bieber: Ooh, she's gonna regret that one.
(Confessional) Miley Cyrus: I've got my eye on him. I know he has it out for Napoleon. If Napoleon is Master Chief, I've been thinking about being a video game hero like that myself to help fight with him! Might consider dressing up like Samus, only difference is Samus is a guy and I'm a girl, so that'd be kinda weird.
(Confessional) Napoleon Dynamite: Everything has just been going downhill since Peter and Lloyd confiscated my suit. Everyone on this team...no, on this island, seems to have it out for me, especially Bieber... Well, besides Miley Cyrus. She's been nothing but nice to me since I was moved. ...still need to get my own room soon...
*The scene cuts to the Epic Winners house a few hours later, where Adam is eating with Eve at the table.*
Adam: Here you are. I...tried making our own breakfast. I can't believe they gave us our own kitchen, yet still serve us that goop they call "food" every day. Not my best work, but, hey, you deserve it after yesterday.
Eve: I think you did a wonderful job.
*Eve kisses Adam's cheek, the latter pausing as he started blushing intensely while the former began eating.*
(Confessional) Adam: She kissed my cheek... She kissed my cheek... I'm never going to wash this cheek again...
*After they eat together, Adam takes a trip outside of the house, which he's quickly pulled behind by Cleopatra.*
Cleopatra: What do you think you're doing?
Adam: Umm...well, I was going to go on a walk to the confessional.
Cleopatra: No, I mean, what do you think you're doing with Eve?
Adam: Umm...well, I made her breakfast and we ate together, if that's what you're asking.
Cleopatra: What about that kiss?
Adam: Umm...well-
Cleopatra: Stop saying "Umm...well-"! 
Adam: She kissed me, big whoop.
(Confessional) Adam: Big whoop, indeed...~
Cleopatra: Look, in this game, you can't get too attached to people, otherwise, they'll throw you off your game. You gotta stick with me through this, alright?
Adam: Didn't you just say-
Cleopatra: It's completely different! What we have is an alliance. We're working as a team. You'd be working with her as lovers. It's entirely different.
Adam: Right, whatever you say.
Cleopatra: Look, I'm glad you're on our team. With a strong guy like you, it means less work for me. Plus, it means our alliance is more official now that we can conceive plans together. ...don't give me that look, not that kind of conceive, idiot.
Adam: You said it, not me.
Cleopatra: Whatever. My point is, since we're in an alliance, we need to work as a team more together. That's why, I'm going to need to work with me on this next challenge.
Adam: We don't even know what this next challenge is going to be.
Cleopatra: Doesn't matter. My point is that-
George Watsky (via intercom): Challenge time, peasants!
Zach Sherwin (via intercom): Stop saying that.
George Watsky (via intercom): I was talking to you.
Nice Peter (via intercom): Give me that mic...anyways, hope you all know how to breathe chloroform!
Cleopatra: What the fuck is that supposed to... *collapses on top of Adam*
*The scene cuts to the top of a building somewhere, both teams awakening atop it.*
Edgar Allan Poe: Ugh, there is a pain in my head, strong enough to wake the dead...
Justin Bieber: They could have at least woken us up before this…it’s like 6 in the morning…I need beauty sleep.
Muhammad Ali: Eh, I don’t need to worry about being in my boxers…because I already am.
Michael Jordan: Let’s just hope none of us sleep in the nude…
*A shadow covers over the contestants, some of which are still in sleepwear*
Superman: Hello, my friends! And Hitler….
Adolf Hitler: Are we…more than friends?
Miley Cyrus: Is that…Iron Man?
Superman: Ha, that walking iPad wishes he was me! I’m way better, and sexier, and stronger…did I mention I’m sexy?
Darth Vader: The challenge, moron?
Superman: Oh yeah, that’s why I’m here…I thought people just liked paying me.
Napoleon Dynamite (to Ali): I bet they lied about that…heh.
Superman: Anyways, I’m here to…*looks at Ali*…wait a minute, didn’t I fight you before?
Muhammad Ali: Yeah, and you lost!
Napoleon Dynamite: To be fair, you only won because he didn’t use his pow-
Superman: Can it, Dynamite. Today, you guys must last up on this roof for the entire challenge as I, the amazing-
Miley Cyrus: Batman?
Superman: -destroy it with my laser eyes.
Adolf Hitler: I don’t think surgery is supposed to destroy things.
Miley Cyrus: No…I think it’s Cyclops…
Darth Vader (to Hitler): Hey, at least she got something half right.
Superman: The rule is the last one standing wins! One of my sponsors, Wonderboner Mattresses, has given me some lovely mattresses to place around so if you fall, you won’t die! Hopefully. Okay? Okay! Begin!
Adam: What?
*Superman flies to the bottom of the building, and begins to destroy the inside floors*
Darth Vader: Well, I guess we’re stuck up here a while…in the sun…in our sleepwear…on television.
Cleopatra: At least I got dressed.
Justin Bieber: I’m gonna go back to sleep, my brain hurts.
*Justin Bieber lies down on the roof, but right as his eyes shut, a loud horn goes off*
Nice Peter (via megaphone in a helicopter): JUSTIN IS OUT!
Justin Bieber: Fuck you! My ears might start bleeding thanks to you! I can sue you!
EpicLLOYD: Oh shit, Peter, he’s right…we never thought of it that way.
Nice Peter: Just give him candy, that’s how you deal with most 3 year olds.
(Confessional) Justin Bieber: For the record, I am NOT three….did I really just say that?
Napoleon Dynamite: Well I guess they literally mean standing….
*Justin Bieber jumps off the side of the building onto a mattress, then falls asleep*
Adolf Hitler: Those beds look tempting…
Darth Vader: You standing by the edge of the building is tempting.
Adolf Hitler: Oh, Vader…I never thought about it that way…~
Darth Vader: Ew, no…NO!
Napoleon Dynamite: Vader, you player.
(Confessional) Darth Vader: Napoleon was cool…until he became Napoleon.
Adam: So, Eve…you think we can last long enough?
Cleopatra: Please…she’s so fat that she’d fall through and kill us all.
Adam: Eve is far from fat, you douche.
Napoleon Dynamite: If that was the case, wouldn’t we have fallen already-
*The floor they’re on breaks, sending Capone, Vader, Jordan, Ali and Napoleon into the next floor, flooded with water*
Darth Vader: Suit, bitches.
Al Capone: How in the hell…*gasp for air*…is this fair?
Napoleon Dynamite: Spoke too soon…
Edgar Allan Poe: Look at you, my fallen friends! In this challenge, it is your end!
Nice Peter (via megaphone): CAPONE, VADER, ALI, JORDAN, AND NAPOLEON ARE OUT!
Michael Jordan: Ha, he said you first!
Muhammad Ali: We both fell at the same time, you dumbfuck!
Michael Jordan: You’re just saying that to get on my level!
Muhammad Ali: WE ARE ON THE SAME LEVEL…FLOOR!
Napoleon Dynamite: I’m just going to take the elevator down and cheer for Miley.
Al Capone: The bottom is destroyed, dingus…I thought you were the smart one here.
Miley Cyrus: Aw, Napoleon! I love you too!
Cleopatra: Ew. Those things are in love.
Adam: At least they found love.
Muhammad Ali: Speaking of found…where the hell did Tyson go?
*The scene cuts to the hot tub, with Tyson in it*
Neil deGrasse Tyson: Ah…
Goku: Hey, get the HELL out of MY tub!
Neil deGrasse Tyson: Superman’s over there.
Goku: I’M GOING TO RUPTURE HIS EVERYTHING!
*The scene cuts back to the competition.*
Miley Cyrus: Wait, I think Spiderman’s hosting the challenge…no, not it…
Napoleon Dynamite: Uh, his name is Su-
Miley Cyrus: The Flash! That’s it! Thanks Napoleon!
Napoleon Dynamite: Uh, what?
Al Capone: Relax…it’s the only time a girl will thank you.
Napoleon Dynamite: Could you at least fake that you care?
Adolf Hitler: Darth Vader, what’s the hot tub like?
Darth Vader: This isn’t a hot tub, you moron…
Adolf Hitler: I wanna come in!
Darth Vader: No!
Adolf Hitler: ...okay…
(Confessional) Darth Vader: The saying is “All men are created equal”. I’m glad it’s not “equally stupid” or we’d all be dead.
*The scene cuts to Adam, Eve and Cleopatra by a ledge*
Adam: Eve…I just want to say that…I..I, uh…
Cleopatra: He wants to say that he’s horny for you.
Eve: Uh…what?
Adam: Not like that! Not at all!
Cleopatra: Oh, so you DON’T like her?
Adam: Cleo, get out of here!
Cleopatra: I’m trying to help.
Adam: The only person you’re helping is you look bad!
Cleopatra: How can THIS look bad, babe?
(Confessional) Eve: What is going on…?
Adam: Eve, what I meant to say is…I love you.
Justin Bieber (from the ground): HA, GAY!
Eve: Y…you do?
Adam: Yes, Eve…I want to know something…
Miley Cyrus: Alright, who the hell is hosting the challenge?
Al Capone: For the love of fuck, it’s Super-
Miley Cyrus: Manbat?
Al Capone: The hell even is that? Now you’re just making shit up!
Adam: Do you love me, Eve?
Eve: *blushing* Oh, Adam…I…
Cleopatra: This is pathetic. Is it a yes or a no? A true woman-
*Adam shoves Cleopatra off the roof onto the mattresses below*
Adolf Hitler: Looks like that bitch…just felt a Wonderboner.
Darth Vader: For the love of everything sane, shut the fuck up.
Eve: Yes, I do, Adam…
Miley Cyrus: Aw!
Edgar Allan Poe: A true love has once again been claimed, now here’s to hoping I finally get god damn laid!
*Adam and Eve lean in to kiss, but Goku comes in Super Saiyan mode, fuming mad and breathing heavily*
Goku: WHERE IS THIS PUNK ASS BITCH WHO DECIDED TO SHOW UP IN MY TERRITORY?!
Edgar Allan Poe: Crap snap!
Nice Peter (to EpicLLOYD): Lloyd, remember the chemical list about those affected?
EpicLLOYD: Yeah, why?
Nice Peter: I think Goku and Superman were on that list…
EpicLLOYD: Oh. Well. Great…I’ll just… *Lloyd jetpacks out*
Santa Claus (from the cockpit of the copter): I want one!
Nice Peter: Dirty liar…he did buy a jetpack…
Superman: Haha! You really think you can stand a chance against the invincible, incredible, incredulous, impressive, inviting Superman?
Goku: I'm going to invert your face!!
Miley Cyrus: ...Mr. Fantastic?
Adam: He JUST said...oh, nevermind.
*Goku and Superman immediately begin colliding into one another, destroying multiple floors below and shaking the roof.*
Miley Cyrus: W-whoa!!
Napoleon Dynamite: Hold on, Miley!!
Adam: D-don't worry, Eve. I've got you.
Eve: *leans into his arms* Oh, Adam. You can always have me...
Superman: INCOMING!!!
*Superman sucker punches Goku once they're high enough, slamming him into Adam and Eve and sending the two plummeting down to the mattresses while holding onto one another.*
Goku: You BITCH!!! ...okay, I'll thank you for having me knock those assholes off, but still. You BITCH!!!!
*Goku immediately flies back at Superman, bumping into Miley Cyrus and nearly causing her to fall into the flood in the floor below before Edgar Allan Poe catches her.*
Edgar Allan Poe: You are safe now, my dear lady, and are safe to continue until another day.
Justin Bieber: That didn't even rhyme!!
Adolf Hitler: No one ever saves me...
Darth Vader: Big surprise there.
*The whole building rumbles as Superman goes flying straight through a floor a bit higher up.*
Al Capone: Could you guys hurry it up with surviving? I'm kinda terrified that this building is going to collapse while we're all still in it.
Napoleon Dynamite: Aren't you supposed to be the cool jock guy that's not scared of everything?
Al Capone: Aren't you supposed to be the cool nerd that's actually likable?
Napoleon Dynamite: Fuck off, I still am...
Miley Cyrus: Aww, Napoleon, you still are cool to me! ...wait... Cool...freeze...freeze breath... Hey! This guy is Super-
*The building shakes again. Edgar Allan Poe and Adolf Hitler stumble backwards, while Miley Cyrus tumbles forward off the edge.*
Napoleon Dynamite: NO!!
*Napoleon Dynamite manages to bust through one of the windows on the floor he's in, diving out of it as some of the water flooded in it drains out. Napoleon Dynamite reaches out to catch her, but Superman swoops in and catches her first.*
Napoleon Dynamite: Dammit!
*Napoleon Dynamite faceplants on a mattress while Miley Cyrus is gently set down.*
Superman: Sorry for that, citizen. Now, if you'll excuse me...
*Superman quickly takes off, immediately resuming his clash with Goku.*
Miley Cyrus: Oh, wow... Superboy is so cool!! ...are you okay, Napoleon? *quickly helps him up*
Napoleon Dynamite: Ugh...yeah, I'll be fine. Just got a wicked headache. As long as you're okay, I'm okay. *the two hug it out*
Goku: You make me sicker than all this sappy lovey-dovey crap that's going on this challenge, Stupidman!!
Superman: You're just jealous that you got rejected by a naked woman and screwed up so bad you got disqualified! Nobody likes you, and meanwhile, everyone loves me!
Goku: Everyone that has absolutely no taste in originality, yeah!
Superman: You're one to talk about repetitivenes, with your constantly boring fight scenes.
Goku: *his eyes suddenly glow* I'LL SHOW YOU BORING!!! KAME...
Superman: Is that the only move you know? Hah!
Goku: HAME...
Superman: Well, I suppose if you're really that pathetic enough! *his eyes suddenly glow*
Goku: HAAAA!!
*Goku launches his Kamehameha Wave while Superman uses his heat beams to counter. Both attacks collide and a massive explosion occurs, then suddenly both Superman and Goku go flying down unconscience into the hot tub with Neil deGrasse Tyson, whose eyes were glowing as well before soon fading.*
Neil deGrasse Tyson: Hmph. You guys needed to take a chill pill, so I had you two cause an explosion and carried you into this hot tub. Now, just cool off. ...hmm, cooling off in a hot tub.. Not sure that's how it works...ehh, fuck it.
Edgar Allan Poe: So...I guess those two are gone, but does this not mean we're done?
Adolf Hitler: I dunno. I mean...most of the building is destroyed. There is no way down except jumping. So...we just wait for whatever now, I guess.
Edgar Allan Poe: This challenge is too simple to quit, but I am so tired that I need a quick sit.
Napoleon Dynamite: NO-
Michael Jordan: WAIT-
Miley Cyrus: DON'T-
Muhammad Ali: SIT!
*Too late. Edgar Allan Poe drops to his butt as he sits on the edge of the roof.*
Nice Peter (via megaphone): EDGAR! ALLAN! POOOOEEEE! ...IS OUT!
Edgar Allan Poe: What? No! This can't be! I only needed to rest my knees!
Nice Peter (via megaphone): THE WINNER OF THIS CHALLENGE, BY...SOME STRANGE TURNABOUT...IS ADOLF HITLAAHHH!
Adolf Hitler: ...I won?
Darth Vader: Good job. I guess you aren't as pathetic as I thought.
Adolf Hitler: Yes! Yes! Adolf Hitler is ze winner!! Whoo! Whoo! Yeah! Whoa- whooaa...
*Adolf Hitler jumps up and down repeatedly on the edge before tripping and tumbling down to the mattresses.*
Darth Vader: ...spoke too soon.
Nice Peter (via megaphone): IN ANY CASE, SEE YOU AT THE ELIMINATION CEREMONY TONIGHT, EVERYONE!
*The scene cuts to the elimination ceremony, where both of the teams are gathered once more.*
Nice Peter: So, both teams are here for a very important reason.
Al Capone: Why’s that?
Justin Bieber: We gonna give me all the money now? 
Nice Peter: This is the last time you will be on these teams.
Justin Bieber: So, you’re giving me the money…right?
Nice Peter: Capone, Hitler, Vader, Capone, Eve, Adam, Cleopatra…welcome to the merge. 
*Adam lifts up Eve in a hug, Cleopatra screams happily which annoys Al Capone, Darth Vader pumps his fist, and Adolf Hitler begins crying tears of joy.*
Adam: Yes! 
Al Capone: I wouldn’t predict otherwise.
Adolf Hitler: I’d like to thank…Ernie? I think his name was Ernie… 
Darth Vader: Erwin. 
Adolf Hitler: Oh Baker, where would I be without you? 
Nice Peter: Now…Jordan, Ali, Poe, stand over with the others.
*Muhammad Ali, Michael Jordan, and Edgar Allan Poe go to stand with the people who formed Epic Winners* 
Nice Peter: Let’s see…Tyson, Bieber, Miley and Napoleon are left… And with 0 votes for both of you as well…Tyson and Dynamite, go stand over with the rest.
*Napoleon Dynamite and Neil deGrasse Tyson go to stand over with the others*
(Confessional) Napoleon Dynamite: Huh…strange…I thought I’d have at least one or two votes…this is odd…
Nice Peter: So, we’re left with Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus.
*Miley Cyrus swallows nervously while Justin Bieber slimes wryly*
Nice Peter: The person going home is…
Just…
Miley Cyrus: Phew… 
Nice Peter: …our good friend, Miley Cyrus.
Miley Cyrus: Aw…
Justin Bieber: Oh thank god.
(Confessional) Justin Bieber: Oh, rigging the votes is simple. These idiots leave the votes lying out on the counter in front of us! They should just hand me the money already.
Nice Peter: Well, the rest of you…welcome to the merge.
*The scene cuts to the dock, where Miley Cyrus is being sent off in her barrel, while Zach Sherwin stands next to Lloyd while on a tablet.*
Napoleon Dynamite: Wait! *runs onto the docks* Miley... I'll miss you.
Miley Cyrus: Oh, Napoleon...
Napoleon Dynamite: You were wonderful. And...I'm really sorry you got voted off.
*The two hug one another, then lean in to kiss before Macho Man slams the lid down on top of the barrel and swiftly kicks it out to sea.*
Macho Man: New record! Whoo!
Napoleon Dynamite: Wait, no!! Miley Cyrus, I love- ... aww... Gosh dangit, Macho Man!
*Napoleon Dynamite quickly storms off, EpicLLOYD and Zach Sherwin having not even noticed the scene there.*
EpicLLOYD: So, Zach, you wanna do the outro?
Zach Sherwin: One sec, I’m looking through my family tree! Wanna see?
EpicLLOYD: I wanna see you do the outro.
Zach Sherwin: Fine…well, now that we have the merge, everyone is most likely out to get each other. How will Bieber and Napoleon fare off? How will Adam and Eve do? Will Tyson disappear for good? We’ll see next time on Total! Drama! ERB!
*Hulk Hogan turns off the camera filming them*
Hulk Hogan: Alright, let’s go.
Goku: So, what’re we doi-ahh!
*Hulk Hogan, Macho Man, Zach Sherwin, and EpicLLOYD grab one of Goku’s limbs and lift him, beginning to carry him.* 
Goku: Alright, where the hell are we going?
EpicLLOYD: You’ve been a bad boy, Goku…a very bad-okay, scratch that. You’ve been a fucking asshole. So, we’ve got a solution.
Goku: The money?
*The five arrive at a building hidden in the woods, where Santa is standing by a doorway.*
Santa Claus: May God be with you…or King Kai…whoever you believe in. 
*Santa Claus opens the door, and the four carry Goku into the room, where Thomas Edison and Doc Brown are standing by a machine.* 
Doc Brown: This baby’s been used once before, but it’s not broken…whoever used it must know what the hell they were doing.
Thomas Edison: Strap him in, boys.
*EpicLLOYD, Doc Brown, Hulk Hogan, Macho Man, and Zach Sherwin strap Goku down on a stretcher-like bed, while Edison hooks him up to wires.*
Doc Brown: The tube is ready, Edison! Fire it up!
*Doc Brown stands by a giant teleportation-like tube while Thomas Edison flips levers by Goku, who begins screaming from pain, echoing the whole island. Eventually, a being forms in the tube by Doc Brown.*
EpicLLOYD: Shouldn’t we have sedated him?
Thomas Edison: Too late now.
Doc Brown: Great Scott! 
Thomas Edison: Now, to keep this guy for more experiments…
*Edison shoves Goku into a box*
EpicLLOYD: Doc, open the tube. 
Doc Brown: Alright…
*Doc Brown opens the tube where the new figure appeared, and helps it out.* 
Doc Brown: So, any first words?
Clone Goku: I’m a carrot!
EpicLLOYD: He’s a keeper, isn’t he?
 
Category:Season 1
Category:Script