F-Zero: Seppuku Tales - Lap 99

The universe's eyes fall upon Chiya as the day of the third race arrives, this time on her controversial home planet of Mysteria. The controversial nature of a Mysterian-hosted race goes over Chiya's head, as she cares only to impress her Mysterian people, who are for the most part united in their support of her. Meanwhile, Rose shamefully reports her failed mission to her master, pleading for mercy, just as Earl must plead for mercy as Chiya prepares smoking burned cookies for him.
==Chapter Reading==
This Tale is unique in that it is a non-canon 2023 remake of Part 2/3, Lap 49. In 2023–20 years after the release of F-Zero GX, of which F-Zero: Seppuku models itself after—Nintendo released a new F-Zero title known as ‘F-Zero 99,’ primarily based off the original SNES title but with elements of X/GX and other innovations thrown in. F-Zero 99’s new mechanics and massively expanded roster of contestants (99 racers rather than 30) led to a bizarre and yet predictable thought: “What if F-Zero: Seppuku races had been written in the style of F-Zero 99 rather than X/GX?” Henceforth, what I hope to accomplish with this unique Seppuku Tale is offer readers a snapshot of what a rewritten F-Zero: Seppuku Part 2/3 chapter would read like in 2023 rather than 2013, and of course, what the story might have looked like if for whatever reason, I had gone with F-Zero 99’s take on racing.
I hope this thrilling Tale acts as a nostalgic blast for those who read the canon Part 2/3, Lap 49 over 10 years ago, and a fun experiment to read on what could have been in this wacky tale that is “F-Zero: Seppuku does F-Zero 99.”
== Lap 99 =
From within his throne room, the great Emperor of Brutality sat patiently with both hands resting at the end of the armrests, the only bit of movement coming from two fingers that inched up and down constantly. His eyes periodically examined some of the countless live feeds he had on in the room, each of which he could increase the resolution of just by staring.
Standing before the throne’s staircase was his most trusted agent, Blood Falcon, who not so patiently tapped his foot, arms crossed, and an irritated look about him. Both men were waiting on a holographic emitter to establish a connection; Black Shadow’s vessel was very, very far away from the connection they were waiting on.
Finally, a floating robot began to project a massive red holographic figure before both men; the entire throne dimmed and the various live feeds turned off as this hologram formed. Soon the entire room had a hint of red due to the dramatic glow of the massive hologram.
Black Shadow was forced to look up at the massive projection of Dark Rose, who towered over both men. The red image of this woman dominated the room, with Blood Falcon not even matching the height of her boots, and Black Shadow not even scaling past her skull belt buckle.
As the projection was completed and a silence overtook the throne, it was not Rose who took the initiative to speak, but rather the horned emperor.
“Rose.” Black Shadow’s eyes glowed brighter. “You disobeyed my order.”
Black Shadow was an ant compared to the giant Rose, but this was a moment short-lived, for the woman soon fell to her knees and dropped her head, thus bringing her master’s eyes down.
“M- Master..! I- I did not disobey you, I swear! I swear!” He did not move a muscle nor change his expression. With her head still down, she pleaded, “Forgive me! I followed your order to the letter! I used the memories of my old home—that you gave me—to track Mom down and… and…” She put her hands together, trying to hide a pathetic tremble, and pleaded, “I did as you asked and… err… well, I- I tried to- I went home and-” she swallowed her fear, breathed in, and looked up at her master, “I took myself to the house and -”
“Rose, your orders were to kill Fiona Flower and prove that I see all, touch all, and that my will be done, should I simply mandate it.” Still without any change in expression, he asked, “Is Fiona Flower dead?”
Rose gulped, “I- I had my opportunity, nearly -”
“Did you kill Fiona Flower?”
“Well, I would have, but Seppuku was -”
“Is Fiona dead? It is a simple question.”
A tense silence returned to the room, and with scared eyes, Rose had no choice but to give him the answer he sought.
“No.”
“Then you have disobeyed me.”
Blood Falcon grinned with his sharp teeth and laughed to himself. Rose, desperate for a change in narrative, argued, “But I did not disobey your righteousness due to disloyalty; I was… uh…” her eyes widened, realizing she was about to put herself into a deeper hole. “I, um…”
Black Shadow quirked his mouth slowly and answered for her, “You could not obey me because you were incompetent enough to be captured.” He closed his eyes and shook at her. “You, the predator—captured by prey who are unaware that they were being hunted.” He continued to shake, but momentarily formed a disappointed grin. “The truth be told, there would be justice in throwing you in a cell with Blood Falcon, and letting him break every bone in your body.”
Blood Falcon openly laughed, “That’s no fun! Leave her on Mysteria and let me hunt her down!”
“You, be silent,” the dark lord said with a hand issued down the stairs. “Rose, the penalty for disobeying me warrants immediate termination—more mercy than you deserve; to be captured? Immediate termination is not a rational option, for you must be made an example of.” He raised his sharp fingers up, his maniacal teeth revealed as part of his sick grin. “No one fails me so miserably and gets to stand on my ground again, you should remain on your knees forever and accept whatever justice I declare is right for filth so dirty.”
Rose barred her teeth, “Forgive me, Master…”
Black Shadow exhaled, “Forgiveness you desire, and so you shall receive on this one occasion.”
“What?” she gasped.
“Do you want to know why I am not causing you to slowly drown in your own blood?” Rose did not respond. “Because in this universe, my word is law, my word is infallible, and my word cannot be challenged by any mortal.” He chuckled softly. “I forgive your defeat only because Seppuku was involved,” the mere mentioning of this name prompted various images of Lieutenant Seppuku to appear all around the throne, “A being you could never hope to defeat. You cannot defeat Seppuku because he is better than you and always will be.” Rose opened her mouth to protest, but Black Shadow, predicting this, added, “This is a simple fact because I declared it so.”
The protest Rose had prepared deflated along with her lips. With great shame, she nodded and said, “Thank you, Master. You are the most merciful and just being in existence.”
He nodded, “Go now, Rose. Deliver my message with haste and effectiveness expected of Dark Million.”
Rose nodded rapidly, “I will not fail you again, Master.”
She disconnected the call with great haste, nearly offending her master in the process. Blood Falcon was left shaking his head as the many screens in the room turned back on and light was restored ever so much.
“I doubt she’ll succeed.”
Black Shadow answered, “I would not expect one with mere mortal foresight to recognize it, but no matter what path Rose takes, the outcome all the same leads to my eventual victory.” He crossed his hands together and chuckled, “All paths work in accordance with my grand plan…”
The day of the third race, controversially hosted by the Mysterian Empire. With one great race followed a tragic race, Chiya found herself coming into Race Three in the dead center of the overall standings; this was a race she needed to place well in if she had any hope of moving forward as an eventual Grand Prix Champion. There was no better place than her home planet of Mysteria to present herself as a front runner.
That morning, a waking Earl yawned and moved his hand around in search of Chiya’s hair, but he had no success. Failure to find Chiya in bed with him prompted the man to open his eyes.
“Ch- Chiya? You there?”
As he would discover, he was now alone in the bedroom, and considering their recent encounter with Dark Rose, this would naturally warrant concern. Any fear of danger was soon put to rest, however, as the smell of baked cookies reached his nose.
“Mm—m… That smells go-” Given a second sniff, the man immediately grunted and barred his teeth. “O- Oh no, wait, no, that’s… that’s an awful smell...”
In a bedroom nearby, Fiona and Seppuku awoke from separate beds with the former lifting herself up and gritting her teeth.
“Oh. That smell… Oh dear…”
Seppuku, too, now lifted himself up from bed and complained, “Ugh! Either Rose came back to burn the house down, or Flower’s committing war crimes on some cookies.”
Earl, Fiona, and Seppuku all exited their respective rooms at the same time and met in the hallway. Earl approached the two with his teeth closed uncomfortably.
“...smells like your daughter is making us a snack…”
Fiona winced, “...part of Chiya’s love language is making food… ...but I personally prefer her artistic gifts…”
Earl sighed, “Well, as overcooked as it might be, we owe it to her to give it a fair shake.”
Seppuku looked back and forth between the two before saying, “Screw that, I’m making my way for the door!”
“Come on, man, you can’t just -”
“Yeah, no. I’d need the billion credits in prize money to afford a hospital bill if I ate that crap.”
Earl tried to reason, “Yeah, but come on, maybe it’s not as bad as it smells.”
“She's baking crap, Bendek, and you know it!”
“Okay, but the ‘Chiya Snacks’ she made before were pretty good -”
“Crap. She's making crap, Bendek.”
Fiona grabbed Earl's arm and nodded, “He's right, Lieutenant. Maybe Chiya just burned some of it. From the sound of her humming, she sounds pretty happy with her work.”
Seppuku smirked, “Well, only one way to find out.”
The Man of Darkness pushed Earl down the hall.
“H- Hey..!”
“Time to take one for the team soldier…”
Chiya was bouncing slightly and singing to herself, working in the kitchen with a sense of urgency. Earl slowly emerged behind her with closed teeth and extended his arms cautiously. Chiya removed a tray from the oven and placed it on the counter, then began to sprinkle salt over the tray of snacks. Finally, Earl wrapped his arms around her waist and moved his chin over her left shoulder.
“Wha’cha baking, Chi’?”
The Mysterian expressed the biggest smile upon meeting his gaze, and then with some uncharacteristic strength put him in a headlock and forced him to her side.
“Cookies!” She presented her work to him with pride—brown salted cookies.
Earl laughed, “Ah! Chocolate! My favorite.”
The Mysterian grunted, “U- Uh, they’re not chocolate… Just a little overcooked.”
“Oh!” Earl’s face became horrified. “Oh...”
“I made them just for you.”
Earl laughed, “Oh, for me? Not for your mother?”
“Of course, it’s for you and her.”
“And Seppuku?”
Chiya’s hyper ecstatic face instantly died. “I had to throw one in the garbage. Give him that.”
“I take it you’re still upset about Seppuku kissi-”
“Sshh!” Chiya forced a cookie into his mouth. “Eat, enjoy… ...and no talking about a certain someone doing a certain topic with a certain lonely mother. Ever.”
Seppuku and Fiona now peeked from around the corner, curious about how Earl would handle the cookie. To his dismay, his girlfriend made sure to stare into his soul as he worked on the burned cookiue. Unpleasant as it was, he crunched on it while hiding the suffering on his face as best he could.
“Is it okay? Not too burned?”
A tear went down Earl’s face, “...n- not bad..!”
“Well, I made ten. You and Mom can enjoy them during the race today.”
Playing off this comment, Seppuku and Fiona emerged, pretending as though they had just woken up.
“Augh, welp!” Seppuku clapped his hands. “I don’t know about you, Flower, but I am ready to kick some serious ass today. How about you?”
Chiya fired a fist up, “I’m so pumped for today! First place for sure!”
Seppuku grinned, “Glad to hear it. Let’s just put the obvious out there: First race, you smoked the competition. Last race? You sucked ass. Time to make a statement today, tell the F-Zero world you’re here, you’re mean, and you want that prize money more than anyone.”
“You better be ready today, Seppuku, cause you’re going to look so tiny in my rear view mirror today!”
The man couldn’t help but give her an approving nod, “Love it.” Any joy on his face was then dropped. “Just don’t forget that we have some real dangerous assholes gunning for us today. Win, but watch your back.”
Fiona inserted into the discussion, “I cannot believe I get to watch my daughter race F-Zero. I’ve always wanted to go to a race in-person, but how often do races come to our little old planet?”
Earl gave her a thumbs-up, “And Chiya is no boring sight. Rookie racer and she’s already been turning heads; she’s going to win not one, but many Grand Prix in her career.”
“Oh, and I couldn’t ask for better company today. We can really get to know each other during the race, dear.”
The Korean smiled, “Oh, uh, yeah… Yeah! Yeah, we’re going to have a great time today!” He looked to Chiya, “You going to be alright if I take my concentration off the race here and there?”
“Just keep your headset on and keep me posted if things take a turn for the dangerous.”
“Aye aye, Captain!”
With this, Seppuku surprised Earl by throwing him the key to the Red Dove. “Then lets cut the chatter and get going. Bendek, you drive the Red Dove, I’m gonna drive with Fiona in her car.”
“Okay..?”
This caused Chiya to glare heavily, “I have never, ever heard you choose to drive a car over an F-Zero machine. What’s that about?”
Seppuku stole Fiona’s car keys out of her hand and replied, “It’s about minding your own damn business.”
The young Flower continued to glare as Seppuku and Fiona walked out the front door together, leaving only Earl in the kitchen with her. Sensing the awkward tension, he cleared his throat and moved close beside her.
“Do you want to talk about this?”
She shook immediately, “Let’s just go…”
Mist Flow I—contrary to the Roman numeral, Mysteria only boasted one F-Zero track; this was simply a naming ruse meant to mislead people into believing the planet could afford more than one. There was much controversy over why the F-Zero Committee should encourage the existence of a race track—of which the cost for upkeep was astronomical—on a planet where most citizens struggled to put food on the table. Additional controversy came from the more obvious issue that the Mysteria was an authoritarian planet with little regard for human rights, thus raising question as to why such a cruel planet deserved the prestige of hosting F-Zero venues at all. At the end of the day, this was the same F-Zero Committee that permitted the likes of pirates and gangsters into their competitions.
Standing in her reserved garage, Chiya stood before the Mysterian fog with strong shoulders and hands to her sides. She had stood on this track many times before—in the past with schoolmates near curfew—but her teenage dream had now come true: All around her, the sound of fans could be heard—the majority of whom were Mysterian natives who would be rooting for her. There was no way she would botch this race; her people were counting on her.
“Ahem… If you can shut down the daydreaming for a minute…” Chiya turned and found Seppuku approaching her with an electronic tablet. “We need to work out our strategy.”
“I know this track better than anyone,” she gloated. “Landmines left and right a short ways past the starting line—we’ll want to stick to the center and pressure our rivals into the mines.”
“Hm.” He smirked for a moment. “Alright, but don’t underestimate the fog. Lack of visibility is why we’ve been brought here today.”
Chiya continued to boast, “Is it foggy out? I’ve seen ten times worse.”
“I’m serious, Flower! You may have grown up here, but you’ve grown more in the streets of Mute City these past years than you ever did on Mysteria.”
She nodded, “I’ll be careful.”
Seppuku turned on the tablet, revealing a map of the track. He pointed to a long stretch of track with a small restoration pad present.
“See this path? Don’t let the restoration pad fool you. This stretch of track is where the real warfare will occur.” He tapped on the stretch three times. “Don’t even think about that energy when you reach this point. We will put all our ferocity onto Dark Million here so that they never have any breathing room.”
Chiya dropped her brows, “Seems risky. I say we just boost down the stretch, grab some energy, and put more ground between us and them.”
“Because the race isn’t everything, Flower. There are serious threats in our life right now, and that stretch of track gives us ample opportunity to deal with them.”
She shrugged, “I am forty-second in the overall standings right now. The race is everything to me.”
Seppuku tapped his foot at her, “Even more than Earl and Fiona? Because as Rose recently demonstrated, Dark Million is gunning for your loved ones.”
“Fine, you made your point…”
“Good.” He showed her the map one more time. “Like you said, landmines to your left and right here; later, open season just shy of the restoration pad. I’m going to keep the most aggressive dog occupied, you deal with The Skull and Blaskovitz. If the race is generous to you with the Sparks, take the Skyway over the landmines.”
“So you and Captain Falcon will keep Blood Falcon busy?”
Seppuku turned away, “Ideally, we put that thing in the damn ground today.”
“What about Jody? Dr. Stewart?”
“What about ‘em?”
Chiya crossed her arms, “Earl and I risked everything on Magica for the Federation. I imagine they would help us out.”
He laughed, “Jody Summer help us? You can be real funny some days, Flower.”
The conversation was left at that, but before the Man of Darkness could totally walk off, he stopped to look at the Purring Kitten. He left her with a parting growl.
“By the way, I don’t appreciate all the bullet markings you left on the Red Dove. That’s going to make me look like some redneck on the track today.”
She gasped, “I’m sorry! I wasn’t sure what to do.”
“Whatever. I’ll assume the bullet holes came with the blood of our enemies, blending in with the Red Dove’s paint.” He froze in thought, but momentarily turned to her with a smirk. “Hey, you got into a gunfight and didn’t die. Nice job.”
“Thanks.”
“Welcome to Mysteria, F-Zero fans!” Mr. Zero shouted on camera.
A short distance away, a local reporter announced, “Long Live the Mysterian Empire and Her Majesty. Welcome to another military sponsored F-Zero race.”
Mr. Zero took his microphone and distanced himself from the other reporter. “Today we have a real special event. Ninety-nine racers will break the sound barrier going into some of the universe’s thickest fog. Who will crash? Who will fly? Who will win!?”
From within their private booth, Earl found himself looking out to the track, headset on, the game plan running through his head constantly. At this time, all ninety-nine racers were being summoned to the track one-by-one. Earl ran his fingers along the ledge of the booth nervously.
“Don’t let The Skull near you before the race, Chiya. I don’t want us to fall for one of his tricks again.”
Chiya answered, “Don’t worry, Earl. We’ve got this one in the bag.”
“Alright, I’m going to talk to your mom now. Good luck out there.”
He muted his headset and turned his attention to Fiona, who was currently fixated on the gathering of F-Zero machines. A sense of joy came to him from seeing this, only imagining what it must feel like to have one’s own child commanding the admiration of an entire planet.
Fiona commented, “You and Chiya get to do this all the time.”
“Well, for five races every year, yes.” He stepped closer to her and explained, “Actually, this being Chiya’s rookie year, this is only the third time I haven’t been with her up here. I really miss watching races alongside her, but she’s really happy with her new F-Zero career, and so am I.”
“She has a great mentor watching over her.”
Earl barred his teeth and blushed, “Err… well, I’m hardly a mentor… I like to see myself as a strategist for her, but, Seppuku’s the real hero…”
“But you inspire the best in her. There’s no position more important than the supportive lover.”
He began to kick his foot around, “You’re flattering me, Mrs. Flower.”
At this time, Earl took notice of Seppuku, who found himself shouting at both Jody and Blood Falcon simultaneously. He found himself in his usual group of rivals for pre-race banter, likely trying to rally Jody’s support against Dark Million to no avail.
“It’s sad,” Earl said with low eyelids. “All she wants to do is race and entertain people, but she’s got all of this extra nonsense gunning for her—both in and out of races.”
This vent led Fiona to widen her eyes, and then narrow them at him with some level of disdain. “How many people, exactly, are trying to kill my daughter?”
‘U—uh, let me think, I’ve lost count…” These poor choice of words only further bothered her. “...Black Shadow, Michael Chain, The Skull, Blood Falcon, Blaskovitz… Rose… uh… I think we’re sitting at- oh, and Goroh. Yeah, I think maybe seven people?
“Because of racing!?”
He sighed, “Unfortunately, it’s a bit more complicated than that. Chiya is a target through her association with Seppuku. No one but Rose is gunning for Chiya because of who she is, they are after her because they despise Seppuku.”
“And how much is Seppuku paying you two in exchange for this burden?”
Earl grumbled, “Not enough, and believe me, we’re working on cutting ourselves off from him.” Fiona continued to stare at him, confused, slightly bitter, but also somewhat faithful. “Chiya signed a deal with the devil in some ways. She is an F-Zero racer because of Seppuku, but she is also one of the most targeted racers in the universe through that deal.”
“I feel I don’t need to tell you this, but I disapprove.”
Earl assured her, “Well, I am protecting her with my life—on and off the track.”
At this moment, the race announcer called, “Sitting at forty-second, a rookie racer right out of this very planet, it is the cheerful Chiya Flower and her Purring Kitten!”
For the first time ever, it was not Captain Falcon’s announcement who brought forth a fan explosion of applause, but rather the native Chiya. The Purring Kitten flew up into her starting position and did so with an ocean of fan support carrying her. She did not hesitate to park her machine and get out, waving to the countless Mysterian fans and soaking up all the support she could take. After doing so, a boost of adrenaline caused her to make a dash toward Seppuku and his group, wanting to get in on this discussion while she still could.
She ran into the discussion at the perfect time, with Seppuku shouting, “Why the hell not!? Flower put her ass on the line for your cause. It’s time to pay up.”
Jody answered, “That mission on Magica was a disaster. I asked for a diplomatic mission, not a diplomatic incident.”
Seppuku flailed at her, “I don’t see the difference.”
“Seppuku, you guys left blood everywhere!”
“In my book, that’s the mark of a successful mission!”
“It was a diplomatic mission!”
“Diplomacy is overrated!”
Chiya greeted, “Hi, everyone!”
Jody looked at Chiya, but did not offer her any comment. “We are not going to get in your way when you decide to hammer things out with Dark Million.”
“But you’re going to help kill Blood Falcon, right!?”
“No.”
Chiya glared, “But you said that you would help! Besides, we didn’t kill anyone, Lily did—your agent.”
Choosing to ignore this, Jody moved to change the topic, “What about Michael Chain?”
Seppuku growled, “What about him?”
“Don’t you worry about your little F-Zero feud with Blood Falcon, let’s address your bigger problem: The deal was that you kill Chain, and I let you guys off the hook. If you don’t take out Chain, then it’s off to prison.”
Seppuku towered over the woman, trying to impose himself over her, but she wouldn’t have it. “Don’t threaten me, bat. Chain will be dead by my hands, deal or no deal.”
Jody quirked her mouth, nodded, then stated, “The way I see it, your service to the Federation on Magica gets you out of prison. Until you kill Chain, I’m not lending you Federation services in any race.”
Chiya complained, “That’s not fair!”
Seppuku laughed, “Chief Scoundrel Summer gets her way again, eh?”
Eventually, the remaining pilots would come to the starting line, thus prompting Seppuku and Chiya to return to their respective machines. Now strapped in and ready to race, Chiya put her headset back.
“It’s been a bloody mess of bad talk down here. I hope you and Mom are having a good time.”
“Oh, she’s living it up right now,” Earl answered.
The announcer shouted, “Racers! Ready your engines!”
“Alright, Chiya, this is it. We’re racing for a win today!”
Chiya put in the key, “One win, coming right up!”
The dense fog and existence of landmines meant that most racers would play a very conservative game, but Chiya was bold and adjusted her machine settings to push for higher maximum speed. Many fans had access to individual machine specs and observed her making this change, hence the sudden rise in fan excitement. Earl, for once, was so distracted that he did not notice Chiya making this adjustment.
“Good luck, Chiya.”
The floating monitors descended below the starting line, displaying the countdown. Her moment had come; this was a race dedicated to her Mysterian people.
Three. Two. One. Go!
Chiya, eager to assert control over the race, took off flying and made a questionably aggressive move by instantly sliding into the Queen Meteor, causing a chain reaction as said machine would then collide with the Death Anchor.
Fiona gasped, “Is she okay!?”
Earl dropped his brows, “Yeah… Yeah she’s good.” Turning away from Fiona, Earl quietly asked, “Chiya, what was that about?”
“Looking to earn some early Sparks.”
He looked down at a monitor connected to the Purring Kitten. “Well, you sucked in five Sparks, but curb your enthusiasm; five Sparks isn’t worth making new enemies.”
The ninety-nine racers all continued forward together, many sharing Chiya’s mindset and getting early hits in, while others just focused on gaining early ground. Because of her offensive mindset, Chiya was now starting out at a place of seventy-ninth.
Seppuku, Captain Falcon, and Blood Falcon led the herd of racers, but with Blood Falcon a hair further than both, and Captain Falcon losing ground to Seppuku.
The Lieutenant looked back at the Blue Falcon and smirked. “What’s wrong? Afraid of the fog, Falcon?”
As they neared the massive jump pad that would put them into the race proper, the Red Gazelle passed the group of racers with relative ease, simply maneuvering around the Blood Hawk. The cybernetic vision of Mighty Gazelle more than likely eliminated fog as a threat. This was not the only problem, for Antonio Guster was fast approaching the Red Dove, likely hostile.
Seppuku readied his finger for a spin attack on the approaching Green Panther, but to his shock, the Blue Falcon positioned itself right behind the Red Dove, blocking the conflict.
“Admirable,” Seppuku said of Captain Falcon. Soon the Blue Falcon performed a spin attack on the Green Panther, sending it backwards and rewarding the former with Sparks. “Never mind, just greedy.”
Finally, the ninety-nine racers launched themselves up into the air, aiming to land on the actual race track. Through this jump, the position of all of the racers would largely shift, as Seppuku and Blood Falcon alike all of a sudden found themselves in twentieth, and twenty-third respectively. Ninety-eight racers stuck the landing and proceeded into the Mist Flow I track—one racer did not stick the landing, instead missing the track and facing immediate retirement.
Mr. Zero shouted, “Kynn Mix has been retired from the race following a miscalculated jump! How tragic!”
Earl let out a pitying laugh, “We just started and that old man is already gone!?”
Chiya had landed in front of Seppuku, but this was not necessarily to her advantage, for she found The Skull two places ahead of her, and to make matters worse, Blaskovitz had utilized the miniature scale of the Stalin’s Might II to navigate his way closer to Chiya. With so many racers around her, it was the ideal time to make some room by performing a spin attack, however, this would give her two rivals an opportunity to attack right afterwards.
Already feeling cornered, Chiya panicked, “Earl, I need an assessment!”
The man was quick to draw, “Accept that Blaskovitz is going to hit you by landing an attack on The Skull.”
Chiya grunted, “Did I just hear that right? You want me to just let Blaskovitz hit me!?”
“If you have to take a hit, better it be from that small hoverbike than a full machine.”
The Mysterian found this to be a most questionable gambit, but nevertheless moved forward to execute the plan. She decided to exert a portion of energy on boost power, sending her flying right up to The Skull, and then once more taking an aggressive initiative by performing a spin attack right into him.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” The Skull panicked as he took massive damage and bounced wall-to-wall.
“Wait to lick him, Chiya!”
Chiya beamed, “Yeah!” She momentarily cringed. “Ew.”
As Earl predicted, Blaskovitz mimicked Chiya’s move, sending his bike boosting in her direction and readying a spin attack. Chiya could see the spinning bike coming but could not issue a counter-spin at this time. Her best course of action in this situation was to line herself up with the spinning bike in a way that could work to her advantage, and she did this well. By linking herself up directly in front of him, all Blaskovitz accomplished was dealing minor damage to her and launching her forward. This botched attack, while earning Blaskovitz some Sparks, merely served Chiya by putting her in seventh place.
Chiya looked back at the tidal wave of F-Zero machines behind her, but for now motioned to focus on those few in front of her, still led by Mighty Gazelle.
“Chiya, look alive! Landmines ahead!”
She widened her eyes and gulped, having already forgotten about this. Everyone in front of her moved into a single file line as the left and right side of the track suddenly filled up with the munitions, and it did not take long for chaos to erupt.
Zoda, stuck in a fight with the Mystic Unicorn, took his battle too far and accidentally led both racers into a mine, lighting up that part of the track. This led to a chain reaction in which several racers were unable to stay in the center and thus more mines would go off.
Seppuku, narrowly avoiding the mines, nevertheless found bits and chunks of F-Zero machine flying at his already battered up machine. The worst of it came when a bloody finger briefly hit his window and left blood everywhere.
“Ugh! That’s so annoying.” The Man of Darkness activated his windshield wiper, but it failed to remove the blood. “That… that is going to distract me so much. Zoda owes me big time.”
The announcer declared, “Exiting the minefield, we lose Zoda, Niko, and Billy!”
“Is Chiya okay!?” Fiona panicked.
“Chiya’s on fire!” Earl cheered.
“What!?”
“Sh- She’s doing really good! Real good!”
Coming up ahead, the leading racers would be made to decide on a shortcut. With two available paths, one had two landmines and was only half the length of the safe path. Mighty Gazelle chose to take the shortcut, easily dodging the mines and extending his lead significantly. Antonio Guster also chose to take this shortcut, dodging with landmines with less grace, while Captain Falcon chose to take the safe route. Chiya, in to win this race, decided to tackle the risk despite the wide body of her machine.
Risking it all, Chiya performed a high-risk slide designed to fit her bulky body past the narrow gap separating the landmines. By taking this gambit, she placed herself in front of Captain Falcon, now in third place. Blaskovitz and The Skull both took the safer route, the former only doing so due to not preparing for the shortcut.
Earl let out a whistle, telling Fiona, “Your daughter likes to take risks. She does have good fortune when testing her luck.”
As Seppuku had warned before, a long stretch of track now put all of the racers in perfect range for combat. Chiya was still being chased down by her two rivals, but was relatively safe with Captain Falcon nearby. Ultimately, she chose to boost forward, putting herself away from the many racers who instead chose to fight, but also defying Seppuku’s instruction to get aggressive here. Nevertheless, Blaskovitz and The Skull chose to boost after her, the latter doing so at the cost of what little energy he had left.
“Chiya, The Skull is at a projected energy reading of 10-15%. You should consider the ‘Seppuku Approach,’ if you catch my meaning.”
Chiya bit her lip nervously, acknowledging that she was at an energy reading of only 35% herself. She looked back at the two blood thirsty Dark Million racers and considered her options.
“I’m below half my energy and there’s a double threat from those two. I’m not risking it—especially not when I’m in third.”
Earl rubbed his nose and nodded, “It’s your call; it is a risky move.”
Blaskovitz, despite having well over half of his energy still, curiously chose not to push the advantage and boost after Chiya. Instead, he chose to stick with The Skull, perhaps insistent on defending his weakened ally. Consequently, over twenty racers came to soon pass both of them, and by extension gain on Chiya as well. She made her choice of playing it safe and focusing on the race.
“Beastman has retired Octoman from the race!” the announcer shouted.
Playing off the momentum of the kill, Beastman boosted up past Seppuku, but was rejected by a brilliant spin attack. The move was so sudden and powerful that Beastman was instantly knocked out of the race.
“I’ll be taking those Sparks,” Seppuku gloated.
Looking at his Spark reading, he was now at ninety-five Sparks, and with the minefield soon to return, he had little time to earn the remaining five. Nevertheless, he was patient and joined with many other racers in safely running over the restoration pad, ultimately leading the racers into the second lap.
At this point, a spar between Mighty Gazelle and Antonio Guster led to both racers slowing each other down considerably, taking them from first and second respectively all the way back to fifteenth and sixteenth. This could have meant Chiya taking first place, but she had now fallen back to tenth due to several racers being eager to boost following the restoration pad.
Seppuku and Blood Falcon entered this second lap engaged in close combat and surrounded by countless racers. The two were playing a high-risk game of exchanging spin attacks, both dodging each other, culminating in the two spin attacking simultaneously in what would merely slow each other down.
“Don’t… test me… you fool..!” Seppuku growled.
This tense exchange of failed attacks would drag the two all the way back to sixtieth and sixty-first place, but one dodge on Seppuku’s part led to him accidentally spin attacking into Dr. Stewart, sending the good doctor flying forward. Blood Falcon was ready to press into Seppuku with a spin attack, but realizing that this accidental hit gave the Red Dove the remaining five Sparks he needed, he reached for a glowing button.
“Nope, later!”
Blood Falcon performed the spin attack meant to crush Seppuku, but instead, the Red Dove was propelled into the air and placed over a magnetic field that kept his machine hovering over the track. From here, Seppuku was sent flying forth with major speed at no cost of energy to him, effectively being allowed to skip over many racers for a short duration.
The evil clone slammed his steering wheel in response to Seppuku’s high-speed escape, especially as it would let him fly right over the minefield.
“Seppuku has taken the Skyway along with Samurai Goroh and Pico!”
Chiya looked up, shocked to find the three racers in question practically skipping their way to the front of all the racers. Chiya, upon review, found that she was sitting at a Spark rating of 70%. Unfortunately for her, ten other racers would soon take themselves up the Skyway as well.
“Oh, to hell with it.”
Becoming suddenly aggressive, Chiya boosted right into the minefield section of the track and performed a spin attack on Mighty Gazelle. While she did not mean to cause such chaos, her attack threw Gazelle right into a landmine and instantly retired him from the race. She widened her eyes and gulped, but did not let shame stop her from accessing the Skyway as well.
“Chiya Flower retires Mighty Gazelle and takes to the Skyway!”
The Mysterian crowd went wild for her highly aggressive take down of one the most popular racers; were this any other F-Zero venue, the crowd would be very upset with Chiya. In any case, she now found herself safely passing over what remained of the minefield and at high speed, taking herself back into the top twenty racers. She was, however, being contested in the Skyway by another speeding racer—the Angel Quest.
Not wanting to come off as too hostile, Chiya decided to lay off the spin attack and merely race around her opponent, but they were persistent on staying ahead. This persistence led Chiya to twitch.
“Stop trying to steal my thunder, Tomako..!” Chiya growled.
Eventually, once depleting her Sparks, Chiya was brought down from the Skyway and back onto the regular course, now in sixteenth place. Seppuku was four places ahead of her, but both decided to boost at about the same time, putting them at seventh and tenth respectively.
Chiya now took this time to make a visual assessment of the field ahead and behind her, and was confused by what she saw.
“Earl, where are the Dark Million racers?”
“Blood Falcon is trying to rack up quick Sparks—still in thirty-forth. The Skull has fallen all the way back in sixty-eight, and Blaskovitz is ten racers behind you.”
“Most interesting.”
Seppuku and Chiya both decided to take the shortcut on this second lap, and as a result of doing so, they found themselves in fourth and fifth, just behind Antonio Guster and Captain Falcon.
“I… I just don’t know what to say about Guster…”
“Why?” asked Earl.
She gritted her teeth, “I indirectly retired him in that first race; he’s probably hostile toward me.”
“Don’t worry, Seppuku’s more than happy to throw fists his way.”
From within the Red Dove, Seppuku cheerfully announced to himself, “I’m about to beat the crap out of Guster!”
Boosting forward, Seppuku prepared a spin attack, but was stunned to find Guster hitting the brakes and spin attacking instead. A disaster for Seppuku had him crashing right into a spinning Guster and thus entering into a critical level of energy. Chiya passed both and took third place.
“Seppuku just got his teeth kicked in by Guster. You’ve got Pico ahead of you, then Goroh.”
Chiya winced, “Goroh? That’s not any better…”
Seppuku took his time in the restoration pad, needing to desperately recover from the heavy hit Guster put on him. This all led to him falling back into the thirties as the race entered the the second half.
“How are you doing, Chiya?”
Chiya replied, “I’m at full energy, I’m in third place, and Blaskovitz is nowhere -”
Suddenly, Blaskovitz flew in, having boosted two times in order to catch up to Chiya. He added onto these boosts by spin attacking right in Chiya’s direction, which she dodged, surrendering three positions to him.
“Thanks for the warning.”
Earl closed his eyes, “Sorry…”
Now in the rear, Seppuku reunited with Blood Falcon, who had Skywayed over to his rival. This was an acceptable situation for Seppuku, but a plot twist had Blood Falcon boosting beyond Seppuku.
The Man of Darkness gawked, “Where is he going? I’m right here,..” Suddenly, The Skull boosted past him as well, giving Seppuku a bad clue on what was going on. “Oh, damn...”
Earl was on the case, “Chiya, you have a lot of trouble coming your way.”
“The Skull’s back?”
“Yes, and he’s following Blood Falcon.”
“B- Blood Falcon? What? I thought Seppuku was taking care of him.”
“It looks like you’re taking care of all three now.” Chiya became silent and with a face of great struggle. “The plan looks to be to put you into a tight hold.”
A new surprise would emerge as Goroh, randomly, dropped back into third place to get beside Chiya. She responded by immediately reaching for a spin attack.
“Wait!” Earl shouted, as if sensing what she was going to do. “I’d humor the fat pirate.”
“...what..?”
Indeed, the two drove side-by-side and with Goroh making eye contact from his cockpit.
“Goroh has every reason to beat you up right now, but he isn’t. I feel like there’s something up in his mind.”
Pico gladly took to the landmines on his own while Blaskovitz gradually fell back to meet Chiya and Goroh. Soon, the three came side-by-side in what should have spelled easy doom for Chiya, but in a twist, Goroh took this moment to communicate to Chiya: He pointed back at her.
“What is happening right now..?”
Blaskovitz was to her left, Blood Falcon and The Skull approaching from the rear, and Goroh seemingly communicating for her to yield. She had to make a decision, and she certainly made it.
Trusting in the impossible, Chiya hit the brakes, Goroh immediately attacked Blaskovitz, and in the ensuing chaos, Chiya boosted forward and delivered a spin attack into Blaskovitz. This surprise chemistry attack by Chiya and Goroh put the man into a spiral so extreme that he was forced to let go of his bike. Blaskovitz was thrown off the Stalin’s Might II with incredible speed, sending him flying off the track and into the thick fog. His hoverbike, which bounced from wall-to-wall rapidly, would end up colliding with a landmine and blowing up into bits. This whole string of events happened so quickly that no one could tell if Blaskovitz fell off his bike or died in the explosion.
The announcer shouted, “Brock Blaskovitz is served retired through an assisted take down by Chiya Flower and Samurai Goroh! Oh, the epic humanity!”
Chiya, for a time not even caring about Goroh, looked back at the mayhem and wondered aloud, “Is he dead?”
Earl and Fiona took a look at the wreckage from what live feeds they could access, “There’s bits and pieces all over the place. It’s impossible to tell.”
Fiona commented, “Oh, I sure hope his body exploded.”
Seppuku, while driving past the wreckage site, took a moment to examine the scene and made his own conclusion, “Alive.”
Chiya, having gathered a bounty of Sparks from this offensive bout, noticed that she had enough to take to the Skyway. In addition to easily passing Pico for first place, this removed her from the imminent threat that was Blood Falcon and The Skull. The two Dark Million racers chose to refocus on the race, but Blood Falcon put some attention to the rear, knowing the Red Dove and Blue Falcon would be coming for him shortly.
The Skyway gave Chiya the strong lead she had been hoping for all race, and this moment came for several others as well. Twelve other racers followed on the Skyway from a distance, completely shuffling the positions of the overall front runners in this race. Down below, Seppuku and Captain Falcon gained on Blood Falcon and The Skull, but not only they, but Jody Summer as well.
Unknown to Seppuku and Chiya, Jody—while acting the stubborn part—in reality was on their side. The Chief Commander spoke over her own channel of allies.
“Stewart, Clash, I need you two to spend some energy to get up front by me. We need to break Blood Falcon and The Skull apart.”
Dr. Stewart answered her, “I’m a good thirty-some racers behind your position. Perhaps I can steal some Sparks and take the Skyway to you.”
Clash added, “I have fallen behind, currently at a position of seventy or so.”
Jody face palmed and dragged a hand down her face. “Okay, I read you. Just… comprehend Blood Falcon or The Skull if you find the time. They’re harming Federation interests right now.”
A silence took over.
“What do you mean ‘comprehe-”
Jody growled, “I- I misspoke..! Apprehend them! Kill them! Whatever!”
The White Cat boosted toward the Red Dove and Blood Hawk, and in a rare but unsurprising display, made an aggressive motion to bump into the former as a means of pushing past them. While Jody refrained from spin attacking him, Seppuku nevertheless took exception to the aggressive posturing.
“Them’s fightin’ words…” Seppuku responded.
Jody, Seppuku, and Blood Falcon were riding in close proximity to one another, the two allies through a common foe, but this aggressive decision to even touch the Red Dove at all provoked a tragic chain of events.
“Wh- What the..!?” Jody suddenly found Seppuku spin attacking her, which resulted in her machine hitting the wall. “You son of a..!”
Her biased contempt toward her friendly rival overcame her, and so she returned fire by spin attacking into Seppuku. Just like that, the Blood Hawk boosted away from the childish infighters, the pilot of which surely laughed the whole while.
Earl slammed his hands against the booth’s ledge and barred his teeth, “What the hell is Seppuku doing!?”
Fiona wondered, “Is that another one of the people trying to kill you guys?”
“No, he shouldn’t be doing that.” Earl face palmed. “Chiya, Seppuku -”
“Having the usual tea with Jody?”
“That’s one way to put it.”
Chiya continued to blast through the Skyway along with around twenty other racers at this point, but finally at a loss of Sparks, she would fall back down onto the regular track. Her lead in the race had now become so great that she could not see second place through the thick fog.
“Earl, who’s behind me?”
“The Skull.”
She grunted, “I sure hope he’s playing another trick on us.”
“No, sadly he is right behind you.”
He meant this literally, too, as the Sonic Phantom would soon be the only machine to emerge from the fog just in time for the shortcut. Once more, Chiya boldly slid past the dual landmines, but the Sonic Phantom being the thin machine it was easily drove between them.
“Also, Chi’, Blood Falcon is on his way up as well.”
“Jeez, where’s the good news?”
“Goroh is approaching as well.”
She glared, “That’s good news!?”
“Well, the last time it was, yeah.”
Blood Falcon followed through the shortcut, but Goroh did not. Several other racers had caught up at this point, as well as Antonio Guster via the Skyway. Chiya’s lead was narrowing fast as they approached the final lap, and all predictions around the track indicated that The Skull and Blood Falcon bringing pressure back to Chiya would result in her soon losing the lead.
“The Skull dropped back, but now Blood Falcon’s on you.”
“Bloody hell, I need a fluffy cat right now!” Tempting fate, Seppuku and Jody both dropped in from the Skyway along with Antonio Guster, instantly putting Chiya in fourth. “A White Cat works, too… I think...”
The racers entered the long stretch, with Jody and Seppuku finally easing off each other, but Guster bringing his fists at Seppuku. The sight of Guster and Seppuku fighting caused Chiya to sweat a bit, not knowing whether her affiliation with the latter marked her as an enemy of the former. The scene only became more complicated, as a low-energy Goroh took the bold move to boost ahead of everyone and come spinning right toward the two. The spinning samurai broke Seppuku and Guster up, and just like that, a three-way battle had begun.
The young Flower created a distressed beam and said to herself, “...remember when the plan was just for him to fight Blood Falcon..?”
From within his cockpit, the maniacal Seppuku chuckled uncontrollably, “Finally, my urge to rip both Goroh and Guster to shreds at the same time can be unleashed!”
While Chiya struggled to answer what to do about this, the Iron Tiger, Angel Quest, Wild Goose, and Fighting Comet all passed the group. Now in ninth place, Chiya banged her head in frustration.
“Okay, enough of this!”
Chiya hit the boosters and recklessly threw herself right between Goroh and Seppuku, bumping both machines as she reasserted sixth place. Seppuku gave her an offended pout, but this bump by an ally caused him to shake his head and come back to reality.
“I don’t have time for these dumpster pirates!”
Seppuku did one final spin attack, pushing both pirates off of him, then boosted in front of Chiya. Guster positioned himself in a way designed to retaliate, but his greater rival, Goroh, was immediate in clashing with him. The next thing anyone knew, the classic Goroh-Guster rivalry fell behind all the way into the twenties, and then as the final lap commenced, the two would fall far back into irrelevancy.
Earl stated, “One more lap, Chiya. If you can hold your position, you’d score big in the standings.”
She ambitiously protested, “No way, I’m in this one for the gold!”
“Don’t get cocky. Better you finish in fifth than fiftieth because you made yourself a gold target.”
Chiya said nothing of this, but grunted as four more racers dropped from the Skyway—the Reaper-IV, King Meteor, Emperor Penguin, and Crazy Bear.
“Bloody…” Chiya complained.
“They just Sparked their way over, don’t let them get you down.”
She looked down at her Spark meter, “Fifteen. I have a temptation to go for it one more time myself…”
“Too far. I’d lay off the combat and just race.”
Chiya squinted, just barely making out the rocket fire of the Sonic Phantom ahead. Just like that, she had her potential doorway to more Sparks—but she wondered if the risk was worth it when she was already so far ahead.
At last, Chiya and Seppuku were brought together side-by-side, but with an interesting dilemma as Blood Falcon approached from behind while The Skull slowed down ahead of them. Whether Chiya liked it or not, Dark Million was once again imposing a fight onto her, but it could at least be said that Blaskovitz was out of the scene.
“Chiya, any idea what Seppuku is thinking?”
Chiya turned to look into Seppuku’s cockpit, but was rather mystified by the hand instructions he was issuing her. He started by pointing to himself, then behind him; then to her, and finally forward. He ended it all by twirling his fingers.
“He’s issuing an attack order.”
Earl, uneasy about this, asked, “Well, okay. Are you feeling up to it?”
She swallowed, “I know what to do.”
Without further hesitation, Chiya hit the brakes and immediately issued a spin attack. Seppuku gasped and looked back at her.
“Wh- Flower!” Seppuku, without a second thought, boosted forward and span in The Skull’s direction. “I swear to God, Flower...”
Executing the plan backward, however, had its advantage, for Blood Falcon panicked and threw himself far to the left, avoiding Chiya’s spin. He expected the drop-back spin, but did not think it would come from Chiya. The Skull, on the other hand, fully expected either of the two to come at him, but still proved no match for Seppuku’s proficiency in killing.
The Skull veered heavily right to try and avoid him, but this only worked against him when Seppuku finally came crashing into him, as the momentum of the shift plus the impact of the attack left the skeleton flying full force toward the minefield. Just like with Blaskovitz, The Skull’s fate was met by a landmine, effectively retiring him.
Seppuku and Blood Falcon continued past the wreckage, with the latter visibly jarred by the catastrophe. Chiya had now fallen back to twentieth place due to her braking, while Seppuku and Blood Falcon competed up front.
With only one Dark Million agent still on the track, Chiya found herself free of rivals for the most part given Blood Falcon’s preference for fighting Seppuku. She now drove down the center of the track with landmines left and right.
Earl spoke, “The Skull’s out and Blood Falcon’s occupied with Seppuku. Now’s the time to play last minute catch up.”
Chiya navigated her way past several racers in a hurry to regain command of this race, but was disturbed by her Sparks reading.
“The Skull was my last easy shot at getting back on the Skyway; there’s no way I get back to a hundred without being an ass to everyone in sight.”
This was all that was said between the two, but Earl silently pondered with a fist to his mouth on how to best proceed. Fiona, in the meantime, was examining the list of retired racers on one of the track’s screens.
“Chiya won’t bring herself to attack anyone else?”
He bit his lip, “It’s not really her style, Mrs. Flower. Chiya’s more of a racer than a gladiator.”
Seppuku, meanwhile, after successfully spin attacking into Blood Falcon, looked to his rear and spoke aloud, “If McCloud gets close to me I could nail him easily.”
Two other racers emerged from the fog behind James McCloud, giving Seppuku a bold idea. After letting his machine recharge its spin attack, he made the unpredictable move to abandon Blood Falcon by hitting the brakes, then spin attacking into the trio of racers to the rear. His gambit led to all three machines getting struck, but most importantly, the triple strike granted him a large bounty of Sparks.
Just as he planned, the retiring of The Skull, several hits to Blood Falcon, and now the triple hit, Seppuku achieved just enough Sparks to once again take to the Skyway in what would surely help lead him to a good final placement. Blood Falcon, while himself not too far from taking to the Skyway, would for now watch as Seppuku blasted past him from above.
“Seppuku took the Skyway; exercise caution, Chiya, Blood Falcon is somewhere ahead of you.”
A very determined Chiya barred her teeth, “Exactly what I’m hoping…”
Earl and Fiona exchanged fearful looks. “Don’t do anything you’ll regret, Chi’.”
As Blood Falcon continued his hold of tenth place, he now put all of his focus onto the coming shortcut—dangerous but his best way of maintaining or even building upon his lead. Even before the shortcut came into sight, he had his posture set for a very tight turn, not even bothering to spin attack any of the other racers around him.
The two adjacent landmines that guarded the shortcut came into sight, and he immediately executed the turn necessary to fit himself through it—however, an unprecedented adversity would suddenly emerge. Boosting out from the fog, Chiya accurately predicted Blood Falcon’s current position, and daringly, boosted right into him, paying almost no mind to the risk the landmines imposed.
Fans around the track went wild with thrill over the bold attack, and even more so as it led both racers to going out of control just before the two landmines. Chiya, despite the wide body of the Purring Kitten, miraculously managed to slip around the left landmine by sheer luck; Blood Falcon was not so fortunate, and so for the third time in a single race, a Dark Million racer ran into a landmine.
At first, Earl was not sure what happened, hence his panicked, “Chiya!”
“I’m alright!” Chiya responded promptly. “That’s all for Blood Falcon.”
This was the natural presumption given the massive explosion Chiya would escape from, but everyone in attendance would stand up in disbelief at what they would see next. Immediately flying out from the fireball and debris of the explosion came a battered but still functional Blood Hawk, and although clearly rattled, still made a concentrated effort on catching Chiya.
“Impossible!” the announcer shouted. “Blood Falcon did the impossible and bested chaos itself!”
Fiona gasped, “What!?”
Earl growled, “Chiya, what’s the Skyway approach looking like?”
She glanced at her console, “Not even close. Thirty percent Sparks.”
With so little of the race left, no amount of last minute combat would lead to Chiya gaining enough Sparks to Skyway to safety, and Seppuku—who was so fortunate—would not be falling back anytime soon to help.
Moving forward, Chiya was met by some positives. Firstly, her surprise attack nevertheless led to her taking a short lead over Blood Falcon; secondly, while the explosion did not retire him, it still left the clone with little energy. Blood Falcon was at the mercy of Chiya slowing down so that he could catch up, lest he use what little energy he had left to boost forward. With these factors in mind, Blood Falcon also likely knew that picking a fight with the healthier Chiya was not a wise move to make. They raced, and to Chiya’s relief, her foe would show rare restraint.
Seppuku, meanwhile, dropped down from the Skyway right into second place and just alongside the White Cat. The race was seconds from ending and for the moment, the two rivals seemed content riding alongside each other into the finish line.
Jody looked over to the Red Dove, staring into the glowing eyes of Seppuku’s visor, he in turn nodded to her and tipped his hat. With this silent exchange, an unspoken agreement to finish the race in first and second had been reached.
Seconds later, Seppuku looked to the White Cat again, now finding Jody facing forward.
“Heh, I can’t resist…”
Suddenly, the Red Dove slid toward the White Cat and performed a spin attack, but incredibly, the White Cat almost simultaneously performed a spin of its own. The two machines span at each other, negating any real damage from taking place, but did tragically lead to both racers bouncing off each other for a colossal loss of speed.
The finish line arrived, but when it did, the Wild Goose came flying in past the fighting Jody and Seppuku. Pico took first place, with Jody taking second, and Seppuku third.
“A greedy miscalculation by Lieutenant Seppuku leads to Pico taking the gold!” the announcer shouted.
Seppuku growled, “Hey! There was nothing greedy about my attack—it was just honest violence.”
Jody continued forward with her eyebrows dropped and a very long sigh issuing out of her. “Idiot.”
For what seconds remained, a terrified Chiya kept a thumb rubbing against her boost button. One boost would put her at minimum, but it would also surely lead to a quick finish. She also knew that what little energy she currently had was the only security she had against Blood Falcon in the event that he got bold at the last second.
“It’s too risky,” Earl commented, as if sensing her conflict. “Just end the race.”
“But I can still -”
“Pico already won the race. Don’t let pride put you in danger.” Chiya’s eyes trembled at her thumb, ready to blast off to the finish line with a simple press of a finger. “Play this one safe. Don’t forget your mother is watching.”
Chiya lowered her eyelids, suddenly calming down.
“Bloody hell…” she whined.
Though it killed her inside, Chiya forfeited the opportunity to boost and get a better placement, instead riding this race out with Blood Falcon right behind her. In the end, she took thirteenth and fourteenth respectively. In a race with ninety-eight other racers, thirteenth was something to celebrate, but she couldn’t help but feel cheated regardless—Dark Million was constantly harassing her throughout this race.
She looked to her rear and squinted angrily. “...this was my race to win, bloody brutes…”
A short time later, Earl, Fiona, and Seppuku were in a triangle discussing the events of today’s race. The overall feeling in the trio was positive, despite knowing that Chiya would be understandably disappointed.
Fiona observed, “So even with three of those asses gunning for Chiya, she still came out on top.” Earl and Seppuku responded positively. “That seems impressive considering she’s new to this.”
Seppuku boasted, “She learned from the best.”
“Yes, she did obsessively watch Captain Falcon in her teen years.”
“I said the best..!”
Earl played off this, “Chiya has the spark of a great racer in her. One day, she is going to have the greatest trophy cabinet in the league.”
Seppuku crossed his arms, “Why, is mine going to be destroyed in a fire?”
“You’ll never have one because you will always pick fights with Jody Summer!”
“Some things are worth more than trophies.”
Finally, the star of the hour emerged up the stairs and was in a better mood than anyone had anticipated. Chiya—hands in her pockets—inserted herself into the triangle with visible contemplation about her.
“Congratulations, Chiya!” Earl clapped. “Thirteenth! And you did it placed that high with Blaskovitz and The Skull on fire.”
At first, this statement left Chiya with a moody face, but in time she grinned, “Well, I couldn’t have done it alone. I had lots of help from Seppuku, of course.”
Seppuku punched her arm, “We sent Black Shadow footage to suck his thumb to.”
Chiya froze in thought, once more absent of expression as she recollected her victory over Dark Million.
“Chi’?” Earl asked with a wave.
Given some further thought, Chiya snapped out of a trance and said to the three, “I’ll meet up with you guys at the entrance in a sec, okay?”
Everyone but Seppuku opened their mouth in surprise as she promptly took off.
“Where are you going, the restroom?” asked Fiona.
“You alright, Chiya?”
Seppuku put a hand over Earl’s shoulder and said, “Leave her be. She hasn’t gotten her brain off the track just yet.”
“What are you on about?”
Seppuku dropped his brows. “I know that look. She needs closure on… something…”
With his back and one foot planted against the Fire Stingray, Goroh—the vengeful samurai—idled in his garage as pirate mechanics performed emergency maintenance on the machine. Goroh’s final placement in this race was unspectacular and this late into the season just about guaranteed he would not win the annual Grand Prix. It was easy to assess that his toxic positioning against his rival, Guster, obstructed him in his path to victory, but it wasn’t just this; at one point, he was in a great position to win the race, but essentially chose to forfeit it.
That afternoon, one of the most unpredictable persons dared to step into pirate territory. Without moving a muscle, Goroh let out a grumble.
“You’ve got big-time guts in that small body of yours.”
Chiya struck a defiant pose, “Why did you help me today?”
Goroh was immediate in laughing, “Help you? Me? When’d I do that?” He laughed again. “You’re crazy if you think I’d ever offer any charity.”
“Don’t play dumb. Blaskovitz and The Skull had me pinned down. My life was in danger and you decided to drop back and help me. Why?”
Goroh dropped his grin, communicating that things were about to get serious. A tense silence came between the two seemingly not because Goroh was at a loss for words, but rather a reluctance to speak honestly on the matter.
He shrugged at her.
“Go home, kid.”
“But I want to know.” Goroh barred his teeth in response. “Why? Do you like me? Do you hate Blaskovitz? Are you expecting money?”
He laughed, “Well, I don’t see a treasure chest behind you.” Chiya didn’t play along. “Look, what do you want from me? I just don’t like those guys.”
Chiya shook, “You’re a pirate—that’s a lie.”
He took great offense, immediately stepping away from the Fire Stingray and facing her with high aggression, “And!? Yeah, we pirates like to steal things from the weak… boo hoo!” Chiya squinted at him. “But those freaks? They took a little innocent girl and cut her up into pieces!”
She gasped, “Wh- What!? They cut up a little girl!?” Goroh lowered his sunglasses at her, revealing impatient eyes. This led her to grunt. “...wait, are… you talking about me..?”
“I just did what my heart told me to do. I was pissed off, so I did something about it. You don’t gotta kiss me or anything, I just saw those animals bothering you again, so I -”
“You felt sorry for me..?”
He looked away, “Whatever helps you sleep better at night. Now, get out of here while I’m feeling generous.”
Chiya stood still, but eventually commented, “Maybe there’s a heart under that fa- ….admittedly ripped chest after all…”
“I’m gonna take your wallet in a sec if you don’t leave.”
The Mysterian found it in her to smile at Goroh of all people, “Here, I want you to have this.”
Goroh opened his mouth, “Huh..?”
The next thing he knew, two burnt cookies were being presented to him.
“You—ure welcome!”
Goroh, easily smelling the non-existent quality even from several meters away, looked back up at her with a mean face.
“Alright, drop your wallet.”
==Author Notes==
====Inspiration====
The idea for this Seppuku Tale unsurprisingly came to me while playing F-Zero 99 and pondering whether the setup for the game might have fit F-Zero: Seppuku's style. For better or worse I did decide to leave out the generic bumper cars you see in it and the original F-ZERO, but everything else I felt could justifiably fit into F-Zero: Seppuku's narrative. The only matter that I find hard to believe is that 99 racers would continue to show up for races considering just how many of those racers would by Race 3 know that they have no chance of winning the Grand Prix. Canon F-Zero: Seppuku did justify this in a variety of ways even with the 30-racer system, but something about a perfect attendance of 99 racers just strikes me as too far-fetched. Either way, playing F-Zero 99 had me thinking about this idea, and my picking of the Fire Stingray as my primary machine also led to the decision to give focus to Samurai Goroh in this Tale, while the canon Lap 49 instead gave attention to Antonio Guster.
====List of Easter Eggs====
This Tale, given that it is a non-canon work, essentially gave me the freedom to goof around a little, but also make some legitimately interesting references that could have fit into canon. Here is a short list of easter eggs featured in this Tale:
# Kynn Mix—grandfather of Bane Mix, protagonist of the failed story Universe of Fire. Kynn's immediate retirement in the race and Earl's subsequent calling out of this fact references Kynn's immediate death in Universe of Fire.
# Mystic Unicorn—while the reference ended up incomplete, the intended easter egg is that this machine was piloted by one of the My Little Pony original characters of Koopatrolelite—F-Zero: Seppuku's first reader, creator of various Seppuku soundtrack pieces, and creator of the unfinished Seppuku RPG. 
# Niko—another incomplete reference, Niko is implied to be the starting villain of an earlier Siontix video series, Star Wars Rebel Forces, posted on the YouTube channel redleader441.
# Angel Quest/Tomako—a more spelled out easter egg, this is obviously implied to be Tomako Angel, protagonist of EngelReise, Siontix Sister of Chiya, and spiritual successor to Chiya. The name 'Angel Quest' is a rough translation for 'EngelReise.' An extra layer of comedy is treated with Chiya's interaction with Tomako, who persistently puts herself ahead of Chiya, prompting Chiya to accuse Tomako of stealing her spotlight, yet another reference to EngelReise being the story to follow F-Zero: Seppuku.
# "Comprehend them!"—Jody misspeaking and directing her team to 'comprehend' Dark Million is a self-roast to my older writing, in which I mistakenly had Jody say 'comprehend' instead of 'apprehend.'
# Fighting Comet—the first non-joke easter egg racer, the Fighting Comet is a machine from F-Zero Maximum Velocity pilot, Kumiko. If this were canon, Kumiko would become the second Maximum Velocity representative to show up in F-Zero: Seppuku, the other being Megan Valhalla.
# Reaper-IV—a reference to the now-outdated Shrouded Piety: Tale of Two Godcrafts, referencing the Reaper Four organization comprised of Selina Osiris, Doug Cattail, Eteth, and Krane. While it is left ambiguous who would be piloting such a machine, it is most likely the implication that the Reaper-IV is piloted by Selina.
# Emperor Penguin—a reference to an original character named 'Tim,' by Lifescythe, who is responsible for some of F-Zero: Seppuku's most significant post-production edits. While Tim himself is an Emperor Penguin, his actual machine is called the Raging Icicle, but from a place of respect in not wishing to steal an idea, the machine was more generically titled the Emperor Penguin. The intended reference, however, is that this machine was piloted by Tim.
There were additional plans for a character from the oldest Siontix Realm work, Chao Wars, to make an appearance, likely piloted by the character 'BP,' as well as an appearance by Suri Yaktosh so that all three Siontix Sisters could finally be on the track together. While it is most likely implied that both were indeed in this race, neither ended up in the final version.
====Creative Differences====
Seeing at to how this was a complete rewrite of the canon Part 2/3, Lap 49, with a large part of the purpose being to showcase how the chapter would have been written in 2023, some creative decisions to enhance, add, or remove segments of the original chapter were made:
# Enhanced Intro—on reviewing the opening scene of Lap 49, I disagreed quite a bit with the presentation of Rose's scolding by Black Shadow. The original version had Black Shadow coming across as a petty little tyrant who almost seemed like he just fetishized beating up his subjects, and I also wondered why Black Shadow didn't defend himself, namely that one of his creations failed a very simple mission. In this new version, firstly, I wanted to artistically highlight how much power Black Shadow has by making Rose's holographic projection so much grander than Black Shadow, only to have said titan fall below him in submission. Furthermore, Rose's failure—and therefore Black Shadow's—is in his mind justified because Seppuku, eventually revealed to be Black Shadow's creation—succeeded in stopping a lesser creation. He would justify Rose's defeat in that her defeat came through Seppuku's victory—therefore still Black Shadow's victory. While the reader, obviously, can call Black Shadow out on this, what matters most is that this is a legitimate excuse to him.
# A less incompetent Chiya—iconic as Chiya's disaster cookies were, I wanted to tone down just how stupid her burnt cookies were, because in the canon chapter, she not only burns them black, but she puts salt on them for some reason, and they are so burned that they crumble in her hand. In this retelling, she burns them but is still convinced that they are still edible. I think this is important because it clarifies that Chiya has a very bad sense of right and wrong when it comes to cooking, but that she's not a straight up stupid. Most importantly, Earl still had to support her, as this was a key development in their early relationship, showing that Earl was always going to look after her morale, especially at the gate of an F-Zero race.
# Retiring Mighty Gazelle—one of the most significant changes. If I had done this in canon, the whole story would have been altered in a major way since Gazelle consistently placing well would eventually prompt Team Seppuku to go and try and hunt him down in his ship, the Winged Gazelle. Those reading this chapter might correctly point out that if Gazelle scored 0 points in this race, that there would never have been a thought in Seppuku's mind that they should go after Gazelle. In truth, I made this change because if I were writing Part 2/3 in 2023, I would not have gone the path I did with Gazelle. I happen to believe Chiya and Earl would not have agreed to such a dishonest mission, especially considering in this very chapter, Earl informs Fiona that Chiya is a racer with integrity, and yet ironically follows this chapter up in canon by seeking to sabotage Mighty Gazelle. The implication with this Tale is that with Gazelle retiring, Team Seppuku never pursues Gazelle; this also means that the Seppuku-Gazelle rivalry might never have started, Goroh's captain would not have died, and The Skull might not have died.
# Goroh instead of Guster—unlike in canon, I thought it would be more interesting if Chiya and Goroh had an unexpected wholesome chemistry in this chapter. In canon, the entire reason for Chiya palling around with Guster was because I had discovered the GX clip that reveals Guster has a mohawk, and I wanted to cram this reveal into the story somehow. I believe my decision to have Goroh fight off Dark Million on Chiya's behalf adds more to the story, especially given the trauma she faced at Dark Million's hands. As he himself explains, the rationale is that while he himself is a very bad person, he is still not the type of person to kidnap a young woman and torture her. This direction would also have hinted at the future, which would have Goroh gradually developing into something of a strange occasional ally, especially come the Part 2/3 Final Race.
# Chiya's 'small' vagina—to absolutely no surprise, I chose to completely ignore everything about this bizarre character development. As a teenager who was obviously clueless about anatomy, what mattered more to me was giving Earl—said to have a smaller penis he is insecure about—a partner with a similar genitalia of small scale. My intentions as a teen were always good with this, but this was just a ludicrously bad call, and worse yet is how much focus this silly detail got in the canon chapter. It goes without saying that if I were writing the story in 2023, Chiya would receive no such treatment. It is very unlikely I would give any attention to the size of Earl's genitalia either outside of Seppuku's childish remarks, but regardless, I would simply trust in the love between Chiya and Earl to triumph over any such insecurities—a far greater message than "It's okay to have a small penis, because maybe your girlfriend is going through the same exact issue."
==Chapter Illustration==
This illustration captures some moment where Chiya is progressing down the track using the Skyway, unique to F-Zero 99. This is the first time AI generated imagery is utilized in an F-Zero: Seppuku illustration, as elements of the background (around the track) were generated and then greatly edited to fit the environment of Mysteria. The rest of the drawing was produced over Photoshop and then given an oil effect treatment that many SIontix Realm works were given beginning in 2021.
This drawing was fully prepared over Adobe Photoshop and utilized AI generation for elements of the background.