Chris Brown - Fine China/Transcript

video|right|300px right|300px 
The following is a transcript of "Chris Brown - Fine China", the sixteenth episode of Musical Autopsy, a supplement feature of the comedy web series A Dose of Buckley.
==Transcript==
===Introduction===
"This is Musical Autopsy. It's the feature where Doc Buckley heads on down to the musical morgue, puts on his gloves, breaks out the cutting tools, and slices up a song or artist.
Today on the table...it's Chris Brown - Fine China."
===The Autopsy===
Chris Brown lyrics show up on screen.
*Michael Jackson Impression*
"Baby,
does he do it for you?
When he's finished, does he step back and adore you?
I just gotta know..."
Add this to the things I hate about rap, hip-hop, and to some extent, modern R&B artists: this constant rapping or singing about trying to get with someone else's woman. There aren't enough single women throwing themselves at you to fuck? You gotta take women who are already in relationships? And what if he does do it for her? Something tells me you don't plan to leave it at that. "Why yes, yes, he does do it for me, Mr. Brown, thanks for asking!" Song's mercifully over after the first line...unfortunately for all of us, it's not.
Lyrics continue.
*Another Michael Jackson Impression*
"Baby,
just go with it
'Cause when you're with me I can't explain it
It's just different"
Oh yeah, it's different, all right. And you can't explain it because (1) threatening bodily harm is illegal, and (2) because you'd scare a woman if you did tell her what you really had planned. But hey, just go with it! I think that line is taken directly from The Date Rapists Handbook.
"We can take it slow
or act like you're my girl, let's skip the basics,
whoa, no
He's so replaceable"
*MORE Michael Jackson Impressions*
"You're worth the chase you're putting on"
See, again, this shit! What makes you think you're better than whoever the girl is with already? Because you're Chris Brown? That pretty much automatically makes you worse! If she's dating some fucking smelly hobo who has to beg for gin, she's still better off than she would be with you!
"It's all right,
I'm not dangerous
When you're mine,
I'll be generous
You're irreplaceable
A collectible
Just like fine China"
If Chris Brown treats fine China like he treats women...use paper plates when you have him over for dinner. And Chris...come on. You're not dangerous? Who the fuck are you kidding?! Okay, this song is a joke, right? I don't know who the joke's on, if it's on the public or on Chris Brown himself, but who the fuck wrote this song and then said, "Hey, let's give it to Chris Brown to perform"? Chris Brown is listed as a writing credit, but it's possible that someone else wrote the bulk of it, and he just added a couple things in order to get the credit in case someone was stupid enough to give it an award, or so that he'd get more royalties. So let's say that's the case; we'll call this Scenario One.
Flashback sound plays.
"Well, the song's finished, and, uh, you know who I was thinking we should give it to?"
"No, who?"
"Oh...Chris Brown, uh, what do you think?"
"Well, maybe, um, let's take a look here...let's see here, uh...'not dangerous', mhmm, mhmm...uh, 'treating women like fine China', uh, yeah...you know what, yeah! Yeah, this sounds perfect for him!"
Reverse flashback sound plays.
Seriously, has everyone forgotten he once beat the fuck out of a woman and berated another one on Twitter? He is a piece of shit to women! And if Chris Brown wrote the bulk of this himself, which we'll refer to as Scenario Two, he is fucking delusional! I mean, fuck, the jokes write themselves, like this one:
"Favorite.
You're my favorite.
It's like all the girls around me don't have faces."
Well, they don't when you get done with them!
Picture of Rihanna after being beaten by Chris Brown appears.
See?! What the fuck are you doing, Chris Brown? You'd be so much better off embracing the fact that you're a piece of shit, since Team Breezy doesn't seem to care! You got a bunch of dumb little whoors lining up for you to beat on them like one of those strength-testing machines at the bar. Just be the bad guy! You're not gonna escape it, and trying to pretend like you're anything more than a low-life woman beater just makes you look like a fucking joke! I have no respect for Chris Brown, but if he at least wrote a song about how he likes to be physically and verbally violent with women, maybe I could at least respect him for being honest! Don't get me wrong; he'd still be human garbage, but at least he'd be honest human garbage. Then he'd have at least one redeeming quality among the dozens of fucking terrible and borderline criminal ones. This is Musical Autopsy; bag it and tag it.
Sound of zipper plays; video ends.
Category:Transcripts
Category:Musical Autopsy