Road Drip

Road Drip is the thirty-sixth episode of The SpongeBob and Daddy Pig Show, and the third episode of the fourth season. It was written by and released on March 14, 2023.
==Transcript==
Cold Open:
[Exterior shot of SpongeBob's Pineapple. Zoom into Daddy Pig waking up]
Daddy Pig: Ah! Such a beautiful morning!
[Daddy Pig walks downstairs]
Daddy Pig: Mornin' SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Morning, Daddy Pig. Want to welcome our new guests?
Daddy Pig: New guests?
???: I'd thought he would have noticed the fucking shadering sounds you made earlier!
???: Hey! You know it was an accident!
[The two people reveal themselves, Uncle Pig and Stanley S. SquarePants]
Daddy Pig: UNCLE PIG!? 
Uncle Pig: DADDY PIG!?
SpongeBob: SpongeBob!
Stanley: Stanley!
[Daddy Pig and Uncle Pig stare at SpongeBob and Stanley; Intro Plays]
Daddy Pig: SpongeBob, why are these two even here?
Uncle Pig: Remember that thing I said at the family dinner a while back?
Daddy Pig: Yeah?
Uncle Pig: Unlike you, I never reunited with Anutie Pig! Our house even fucking burnt down!
Gary 3: Oof.
Uncle Pig: Looks like you got third Gary, huh?
Daddy Pig: Did you not get a Larry 3?
Uncle Pig: NO, OF COURSE NOT! THE PET SHOP MAY HAVE AN INFINITE SUPPLY IF GARY LOOK-A-LIKES, BUT ONLY 2 LARRYS!
Daddy Pig: Well jeez, you could have said it more calmly-
Uncle Pig: MORE CALMLY?! I SPENT CHRISTMAS AT A HOMELESS SHELTER! THE INCREDIBLY SHADY ONE!
Daddy Pig: Well it's not that bad- 
Uncle Pig: I VOTED FOR MITT ROMNEY IN 2012! NOT OBAMA!
[Everyone gasps]
Daddy Pig: YOU- YOU- Wait a second...
SpongeBob: Your not an American citizen. 
Uncle Pig: NEVERMIND THAT, DADDY PIG WAS DAD'S FAVOURITE CHILD!
Daddy Pig: MAYBE ITS BECAUSE I WASN'T EMO!
Uncle Pig: YOU'RE NOT EVEN DADS BIOLOGICAL CHILD!!!
[Pause]
Daddy Pig: Wait, WHAT?
Uncle Pig: Shit! I wasn't supposed to tell you that.
Narrator: Daddy Pig is an illegitimate child.
[Cut to desert]
???: I can't believe they cut me from the movie! Those liberals at PI! I hope they get lung cancer and die. Wait- I have a plan.
[Cut to SpongeBob's pineapple]
Daddy Pig: Ok, this is going really fast. Please explain.
Uncle Pig: Ok, me, mom, and dad where at the beach. Dad went to go rent a betamax of Star Wars Episode 1 so I started looking at seashells when I saw mom having an affair with the lifeguard! 9 month later, you where born and dad found out. We made a vow to never tell you so you would love your mother.
Daddy Pig: Wait- WE HAVE STAR WARS ON BETAMAX? EBAY, HERE I COME-
Uncle Pig: We no longer have it.
Daddy Pig: Shit.
SpongeBob: Maybe we could go on a road trip to find your parents.
Uncle Pig: I'm concerned about Stanley though, wouldn't be destroy the car?
SpongeBob: Maybe we could put him in Gary 2's indestructible Rishi cage?
Uncle Pig: Good idea!
Stanley: Wait, WHAT?!
[Cut to everyone getting in the car.]
SpongeBob: Daddy Pig, can you drive? I'm only allowed to drive if Ms. Puff is in the vehicle with me.
Daddy Pig: Sounds good.
[The car starts driving]
Gary 3: Say, now that Patrick's dead, what's gonna become of his rock?
SpongeBob: That? There turning it into a North Korean embassy.
Gary 3: North Korea? Trump met there leader! Go Trump! Go Trump! Go Trump! Go Trump! Go Trump! Go Trump!
Stanley: I voted for Biden.
[Pause.]
Gary 3: You're not gonna wake up tommarow.
[Gary 3 looks at Uncle Pig's phone]
Gary 3: Whatta watching?
Uncle Pig: South Par-
[Gary 3 accidentally turns up the volume]
🎵 I'M GOING DOWN TO SOUTH PARK
GONNA HAVE MYSELF A TIME🎵
Uncle Pig: YOU TURNED THE VOLUME ALL THE WAY UP!
🎵FRIENDLY FACES EVERYWHERE
HUMBLE FOLKS WITHOUT TEMPTATION
I'M GOING DOWN TO SOUTH PARK
GONNA LEAVE MY WOES BEHIND
AMPLE PARKING DAY OR NIGHT
PEOPLE SPOUTING "HOWDY NEIGHBOR!"🎵
Daddy Pig: I CAN'T PAY ATTENTION TO THE ROAD!!!
🎵HEADING ON UP TO SOUTH PARK
GONNA SEE IF I CAN'T UNWIND
(unnileligable mulfed voice)
SO COME ON DOWN TO SOUTH PARK
AND MEET SOME FRIENDS OF MI-
[The car crashes into a tree, nearly killing SpongeBob and Daddy Pig in the process]
Daddy Pig: HOL-Y-SHIT.
[Grandad Dog walks over]
Grandad Dog: My! You're car looks like it has seen better days! 
Uncle Pig: Yuh think?
Grandad Dog: I could fix you car for-
[Gary 3 pulls out a gun]
Gary 3: Free. You do it for free.
Narrator: Gary 3 has a gun.
Grandad Dog: Ok, ok! I'll do it for free!
French Narrator: One Hour Later...
Daddy Pig: Thanks, Grandad Dog!
Grandad Dog: No problem!
[The gang drive off; cut to them passing by the city limits sign]
Daddy Pig: Ok, we are almost to my parent's house in Yorkshire.
Uncle Pig: Didn't they move to London?
[Pause.]
 
Daddy Pig: Shit.
[Daddy Pig turns the car around]
French Narrator: One Hour Later... Again...
[The gang passes by the city limit sign that's on the other side of town from the one that was just shown]
Daddy Pig: Ok, we are almost to my parent's house in LONDON.
Uncle Pig: And this town is where they actually live!
[Zoom over to Stanley, who's in the rishi cage]
Stanley: *moans* Put me in a cage so I won't destory the entire car, they do, JUST HAVE ME WEAR INDESTRUCTIBLE GLOVES, GOD DAMNIT! *moans* 
Uncle Pig: What's bugging ya, bugger?
Stanley: Nothing, Just that I feel left out, ya known?
[Pause.]
Uncle Pig: No, I don't know.
Stanley: *sigh* No one understands me.
[Gary 3 turns around]
Gary 3: I understand you.
Stanley: You do?
Gary 3: Lol no L-Bozo + Ratio.
Narrator: Gary 3 is a cheeky little bitch.
Gary 3: Shut up!
Narrator: Gary 3 is very mean.
SpongeBob: GARY! Apologize to the Narrator right know!
Gary 3: No!
Narrator: The fact that Gary 3 is not apologizing is making me sad but also mad, so mad that I want to cause the fabric of time to collapse in on itself cause the entire universe to be ripped in half, causing there to be a left universe and a right universe that hate eachother so much they start a war that ends with the universes ceasing to exist, and thus, the Daddy Pig Cinematic Universe will cease to exist. As a disembodied voice, I have the power to do so.
[Pause.]
SpongeBob: Wait wut.
Gary 3: I'm still not apologizing.
[Pause.]
Gary 3: I'm sorry.
Narrator: I expect your apology.
[The gang enters Woliby Way.]
Daddy Pig: Yep, my parent's house is right around the corner!
SpongeBob: Hey Daddy Pig?
Daddy Pig: Yeah SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: I hope you find you real dad.
[Pause.]
SpongeBob: Also, watch out for that cliff.
Daddy Pig: What?
[Daddy Pig then accidentally drives the car off said cliff.]
All: *screaming in terror*
[Cut to black as we hear the sound of something hitting sand; fade in, everyone is in a desert]
Daddy Pig *gets up* Boy, I'm sure glad we didn't die-
???: *pulls out gun* Don't move.
[Panarama shot of desert; cut to SpongeBob]
SpongeBob: Who are you!? And what are your motives?
???: *breathes in* My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico, 87104. This is my confession. If you’re watching this tape, I’m probably dead– murdered by my brother-in-law, Hank Schrader. Hank has been building a meth empire for over a year now, and using me as his chemist. Shortly after my fiftieth birthday, Hank came to me with a rather shocking proposition. He asked that I use my chemistry knowledge to cook methamphetamine, which he would then sell using his connections in the drug world, connections that he made through his career with the DEA. I was astounded. I–I always thought Hank was a very moral man, and I was particularly vulnerable at the time–something he knew and took advantage of. I was reeling from a cancer diagnosis that was poised to bankrupt my family. Hank took me on a ride-along and showed me just how much money even a small meth operation could make. And I was weak. I didn’t want my family to go into financial ruin, so I agreed. Every day, I think back at that moment with regret. I quickly realized that I was in way over my head and, Hank had a partner named Gustavo Fring, a businessman. Hank sold me into servitude to this man, and when I tried to quit, Fring threatened my family. I didn’t know where to turn. Eventually, Hank and Fring had a falling out. From what I can gather, Hank was always pushing for a greater share of the business, of which Fring flatly refused to give it, and things escalated. Fring was able to arrange, uh, I guess… I guess you call it a hit on my brother-in-law, and failed, but Hank was seriously injured, and I wound up paying his medical bills, which amounted to a little over $177,000. Upon recovery, Hank was bent on revenge. Working with a man named Hector Salamanca, he plotted to kill Fring, and did so. In fact, the bomb that he used was built by me. And he gave me no option in that. I have often contemplated suicide, but I’m a coward. I wanted to go to the police, but I was frightened. Hank had risen in the reigns to become the head of the Albuquerque DEA, and about that time to keep me in line, he took my children from me, for three months he kept them. My wife, who up until that point, had no idea of my criminal activities, was horrified to learn what I had done. Why Hank had taken our children. We were scared. And I was in hell. I hated myself for what I had brought upon my family. Recently, I tried once again to quit, to end this nightmare, and in response, he gave me this. I can't take this anymore. I live in fear every day that Hank will kill me. Or worse, hurt my family. All I could think to do was to make this video and hope that the world will finally see this man for what he really is.
[Pause.]
Walter White: And I want to get revenge on the dumb shits at PI for cutting be from The SpongeBob and Daddy Pig Movie!
[Pause.]
Daddy Pig: The SpongeBob and Daddy Pig Movie?
Walter White: Nevermind that. 
[Walt notices that the gangs car somehow wasn't destroyed]
Walter White: Get in your car.
[The gang get in SpongeBob's perfectly intact car; Walt gets in and points a gun at Daddy Pig's head]
Walter White: Drive. Drive to the PI network offices.
[Daddy Pig drives the car into the distance; fade to the credits, where the Breaking Bad theme plays]
==Characters (in order of appearance)==
*Daddy Pig
*SpongeBob SquarePants (Daddy Pig Continuum)
*Uncle Pig
*Stanley S. SquarePants
*Auntie Pig (mentioned)
*Gary the Snail 3
* (mentioned)
* (mentioned)
*Daddy Daddy Pig (mentioned)
*Peppa Pig Narrator
*Walter White
*Daddy Pig's Mom (mentioned)
*Gary the Snail 2 (mentioned)
*Rishi Sunak (mentioned)
*Mrs. Puff (mentioned)
*Patrick Star (Daddy Pig Continuum) (mentioned)
* (mentioned)
* (mentioned)
*Grandad Dog
*French Narrator
* (mentioned)
* (mentioned)
*Hector Salamanca (mentioned)
Category:2023
Category:2020s
Category:The SpongeBob and Daddy Pig Show
Category:MrDaGuy
Category:Episodes written by MrDaGuy
Category:Daddy Pig Cinematic Universe
Category:Episodes
Category:Episode transcripts
Category:Transcripts
Category:2023 Episodes
Category:2023 Transcripts
Category:PI
Category:Coral Blue Productions
Category:PI Network
Category:Blue Lobster Productions