A Pig's Story

"A Pig's Story" is the 15th episode of Dave the Barbarian.
==Synopsis==
The Dark Lord Chuckles the Silly Piggy has a plan that can't fail: he kidnaps the Storyteller and forces him to read narration in which Dave loses! Chuckles soon finds himself not only Master of the World, but also the new star of Dave the Barbarian, which has been renamed The Dark Lord Chuckles the Silly Piggy Will Destroy You All Variety Hour. But when the Storyteller gets laryngitis, it looks like the winner will be whoever can find the best new narrator.
==Plot==
It is time for the Annual Pageant of Udrogoth, where the city's history is retold and celebrated. Dave is directing this year, because no one else wanted to. He is making his way through the auditions when they are interrupted by Chuckles the Silly Piggy. He has brought an army of Pretzel Men to destroy the barbarians. Not even Dave is afraid of the giggling, wide-eyed snack people. Oswidge swiftly defeats the Pretzel Men with a jar of mustard and his appetite. Chuckles is depressed over his loss.
Back at Chuckles' evil fortress, he bemoans how being evil isn't putting food on the table, and how the barbarian family defeats him all the time. He flashes back to the times he failed to defeat the barbarians with poorly thought out plans, and admits that he and his plans are lame. He wonders if there is something that all of his failures have in common. The Storyteller then rhetorically and dramatically questions the same. Chuckles then realizes what the common factor in his defeats is: The Storyteller. Whatever is narrated in the show becomes reality, making the Storyteller "master of destiny." Chuckles then puts the Mystic Chains of Encumbrance onto the Storyteller, forcing him to obey the evil pig. Chuckles pulls out a typewriter and makes a new story for the Storyteller to read. As the narration proceeds, things begin to change: a lightning storm starts, the fortress becomes a larger palace, and Chuckles gains muscles. Chuckles quickly types up another page for the Storyteller to read.
Back at Castle Udrogoth, rehearsals for the pageant have started. The barbarians, Faffy, Twinkle the Marvel Horse, and Mrs. Bogmelon have to play all 900 parts. They begin practice with the opening number, but eventually everyone leaves, not wanting to be part of such a lousy play. At that moment, the Pretzel Men return to the castle and enter. Dave and the barbarians laugh, but as the Storyteller narrates, the Pretzel Men transform into fierce warriors and capture the family. Chuckles wants the Storyteller to proceed with the narration he made, but the Storyteller refuses, saying it is too violent for a family show. After omitting some violent details from the ensuing fight, Chuckles and the Pretzel Men defeat the barbarians. The Storyteller questions if Chuckles will take over Udrogoth, conquer the planet, and if turkey has less fat than chicken. He and Chuckles both say, "You bet your sweet little keister!" as the commercials start.
After the break, Chuckles taunts the barbarians. He announces that he is taking over their whole show and modifies the theme song to be about him. After the song, Chuckles tries to figure out how to torture them. Since he can't do anything violent, he decides to have their castle bulldozed, the kingdom flattened by a giant sausage, and forces the barbarians to kneel before him, wearing silly hats and making silly noises. Satisfied, Chuckles gives the Storyteller one more page to read. The Storyteller tries narrating Chuckles using his mystical amulet to destroy the barbarians, but he cannot stop coughing. Eventually, his voice gives out completely. The Storyteller has laryngitis, and Chuckles runs off to find a lozenge. Dave wants to beat up Chuckles, but Oswidge points out that no one can do anything to progress the story until the Storyteller says so. Dave then offers to hold auditions for a new Storyteller while the others keep Chuckles busy.
The first to audition is a clown. He narrates the story like a show for toddlers, and all the characters giggle and are merry. This disturbs Dave, and he calls the next person. The second to audition is a trucker. Instead of narrating a story, he announces a demolition derby with barbarian monster trucks. Next up is Twinkle the Marvel Horse, who goes into a depressing soliloquy. Eventually, Dave does find another narrator.
Dave meets back up with his family, who are teaching Chuckles how to dance for his own song in the Udrogoth pageant. But Dave interrupts the tap-dancing to introduce the new Storyteller: a bombastic spaceman. Chuckles asks if they wrote him a script, but Dave reveals that he wanted the spaceman to come up with his own story. Chuckles is still confident he can win until the new narrator announces that it is time for "Dave the Space Barbarian" to start his adventure.
The Space Barbarians are patrolling the galaxy in their battleaxe-shaped spaceship until Chuckles' piggy-shaped ship flies up to them. They have a brief laser battle, and Chuckles manages to hit their engine. The Space Storyteller narrates that Dave will launch himself out of the ship like a torpedo, which frightens Dave. After landing on the ship, he searches for a weak point in the hull (which all evil spaceships have). He finds it and plunges Lula the Space Sword into it, overloading the ship with energy and making it explode. Chuckles curses Dave the Space Barbarian as he drifts through space.
Later, the original Storyteller gets his voice back, is freed from the Chains of Encumbrance, and returns the show to its original time period, where the Udrogoth pageant is about to start. Dave welcomes the Storyteller back and tells Fang that he used the mystic chains to get the show produced. The curtains open, and the only one on stage is Chuckles. The pig begins to protest, but the chains compel him to sing the opening song. Dave and the applauding audience agree that Chuckles is pretty talented.
==Songs==
*Glorious Udrogoth
*Chuckles' Theme
*Wee Yummy Tune
==Trivia==
*This is the only episode to be half an hour long.
Category:Dave the Barbarian episodes