The Math Lesson

The Math Lesson is a song from the Nightmare Ned video game. It is heard when Ned enters the chalkboard in the School nightmare.
==Lyrics==
<tabber>
|-| Original=
Good morning...now open your math book to page 999, please.
Let's look at the first problem.''
Train A is carrying 200 people going 80 miles an hour halfway down a 92-mile track.
Train B is carrying 200 ducks and doing 40 plus one mile an hour every time they hear one quack.
Now simply take the differential of the numerator of the quotient of the people on Train A, divide it by 9,
And multiply it by the integer of the remainder when dividing by the rate that B accelerates, assuming ducks will quack an average 1800 times a week and have a standard deviation of the rate of Train A!
All right, now let's try one a little more...challenging.
Madeline has 87 pomegranates and her cousin Riley has a $20 bill and 18 dimes!
How many pomegranates can he purchase even though they are not for sale, which she has told him over 18 times?
If every pomegranate is a quarter, then he has enough for all of them. Like anybody ever needs that much fruit.
But even if she factors in the interest and depreciation of the amortized devalued aggregate, the answer still will come to zero, 'cuz remember that we told you that the stupid pomegranates aren't even for sale!!!
[sigh] You should have gotten that one; I am disappointed.
Now we have a nice surprise for you—it is a short POP quiz. (Yay!)
Get a piece of paper out and put your calculator a-WAY!
Write your name and then the date!
Number the page from one to 1908.
Show your work and don't be slow.
Ready, set, and here we go.
One! 82 and 94. Too late! Wrong! Next!
Two! 108 and 49! Too late! Wrong! Next!
Three! 29 and 98! Wrong—next!
85 and 98! Wrong—next!
8 and 98! Wrong—next!
99 and 8! Wrong—next!
44 and 8! Wrong!
65 and 12! Wrong!
33 and 18! Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!
You're hopeless! I guess we have to start from the very beginning...
Two and 2 and 2 and 2 and 2 and 2 and 2 and 84 and 723 divided by 15!
Plus 37 minus 52 plus 8 plus 87,000 times the market price of kerosene!
Now add a hundred, round it up by 10, divide by 44, then put it in a 9x13 pan and cook until brown!
Then add a million minus 2 plus 40, turn those sixes upside down!
Subtract a forty-third and dial 9!
Divide by 2 and a fourth percent!
Then make a right on 82nd,
Add a half,
Pick any card,
Divide it all by 99,
Divide again by 7/8 of 46,
Put happy faces in the zeroes,
Cross out everything you wrote,
And if you still don't have the answer, simply go ahead and bunt...
And get the runner to score!
Strike three—you're out!
|-| Jim of Seattle version=
Hello again!
You're welcome!
Hey there!
You're welcome!
A train is carrying a thousand people going 80 miles an hour halfway down a 92-mile track.
How many years until the people realize there isn't any driver and they're probably never coming back?
Well, you take a numerator of the differential of the total population of the train, divide it by 9, and multiply it by the coefficient of the leading edge of the parabola created by the vector angels of the track assuming that you factored out the standard deviation of the estimated weight of their souls.
Madeline has 87 avacados and her cousin Evan has a 80-dollar bill and 18 dimes!
How many avacado can he buy though we should know they're not for sale, which she has told him over 18 times?
Well, if avacados are a dollar, he can buy them all or else he could if she were cool enough to cut him a deal.
But even if he factors in depreciation amortize across an average aggregation of whatever it'll total out to zero 'cause the avacados that are pending on the table in the offing aren't for sale!
We shall now do the twist!
(Xylophone solo)
Back to work. Next problem.
Two, and two, and two, and two, and two, and two, and two,
And 2 and 2 and 2 and 2 and 3 and 45 and 789 divided by 15!
Plus 87 minus 52 plus 87 times the current value of the color green!
Now, you add infinty and round it up, divide by 10 then put it in a 9 by 13 pan, and cook until brown!
Then add a trillion times a million one and turn the sevens into five, subtract the third and add a fourth and make a number up and write it down and underline and toss off everything you wrote and do a little happy dance and shout,
"Ta-da, I got the answer, I'm a genius! So, you're welcome now! I want my money 'cause I said so! I'm the teacher, what, you'd think I do this for my hope? You must be out of your mind!"
Yeah, you gotta be out of your mind!
</tabber>
Category:Songs in video games
Category:Songs
Category:Villain songs
Category:Nightmare Ned