Daddy Pig Accidentally Kills Someone

Daddy Pig Accidentally Kills Someone is the eleventh episode of The SpongeBob and Daddy Pig Show and the first episode of its second season. The episode premiered on March 14, 2022 as part of that year's PI Day celebrations. In the episode, Daddy Pig accidentally kills someone.
== Transcript ==
[Exterior shot of Granny Pig and Grandpa Pig’s house.]
Narrator: This is Granny Pig and Grandpa Pig’s house. They are going away for the weekend.
[Fade into the house, where SpongeBob and Daddy Pig are watching Granny Pig and Grandpa Pig just about to leave the house with their suitcases.]
Granny Pig: Thanks for agreeing to look after my chickens on such short notice.
Grandpa Pig: Er, and my fruit and vegetables! Remember to regularly check on and water them. They’re way more important than Granny Pig’s annoying chickens.
Granny Pig: They are not annoying! 
Grandpa Pig: They are vile little creatures!
Granny Pig: You can’t even get their names right - it’s Jemimah, Sarah, Vanessa and Neville the Cockerel.
Grandpa Pig: That’s what I said, Tom, Dick and Harry.
SpongeBob: Is there anything else we need to know?
Grandpa Pig: Oh that’s right, feel free to help yourselves to anything in the kitchen. But seriously, if anything happens my vegetables-
Granny Pig: -or my chickens!
Grandpa Pig: (sighs) -or her chickens, you’ll end up like Suzy Sheep. T-T-F-N!
[The two walk off and shut the door.]
SpongeBob: T-T-F-what?
Daddy Pig: You’re such a yankee doodle sometimes.
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[Daddy Pig walks off into the kitchen. SpongeBob hesitantly follows.]
SpongeBob: Um, what are you doing?
Daddy Pig: (rummaging through the drawers) They said to feel free to help ourselves to anything in the kitchen!
SpongeBob: Heh, I don’t think they meant anything-
Daddy Pig: (gasps) Oh my God!
SpongeBob: What’s the matter?
Daddy Pig: (excited) They’ve got biscuits! This is not just food, it’s bloody expensive food! Oh my lord, next pay day we HAVE to go down to Mark’s and Spark’s!
SpongeBob: Mark’s and Spark’s?
Daddy Pig: (with a mouthful of biscuits) You really are a yankee doodle, aren’t you?
[Cut to the two walking out into the garden. Daddy Pig is still shoving his face with packets of Colin the Caterpillar biscuits.]
Daddy Pig: Now, I suppose we better go check on those chickens.
SpongeBob: And Grandpa Pig’s garden!
Daddy Pig: Oh, don’t worry about that nonsense! I’m a bit of an expert at gardening. It’s just a load of dirt and shit, as long as it rains we’ll be fine.
Narrator: Last time Daddy Pig looked after some plants, they all died.
[The two reach the chicken coop. The three chickens and one cockerel are happily clucking around.]
SpongeBob: Awwwwww! Look at how cute they are! I just wanna go and squidge their little faces!
Chicken: i am chicken
SpongeBob: They’re adorable!
Daddy Pig: Ugh, they’re all still alive. We can go home now!
SpongeBob: But- Granny Pig and Grandpa Pig trusted us to look after their house!
Daddy Pig: Pffffft, they’re just a bunch of old people worried about nothing. Let’s go watch the new Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy film!
SpongeBob: Oh, I already saw that on release day. It’s not as good as the first two films, I don’t like how they retcon’d how the Quickster and Miss Appear met. 
Daddy Pig: Oh, come on! It can’t be that bad, apparently Keanu Reeves and Snoop Dogg are in it! 
SpongeBob: Hmmmmm… I don’t know.
Daddy Pig: I’ll buy you popcorn!
SpongeBob: And Pick-a-Mix?
Daddy Pig: Alright, but I’m only paying for a medium for you.
SpongeBob: Deal! (laughs)
[The two walk off. Cut to an exterior shot of Granny and Grandpa Pig’s house. The sky turns from daytime to nighttime, and then daytime again. SpongeBob and Daddy Pig walk back to the house.]
Narrator: It is the next day, SpongeBob and Daddy Pig are back from the cinema.
Daddy Pig: Meh, you were right. The first film will always be the best.
SpongeBob: Yeah. I mean I guess that’s what happens when it’s directed by the same guy who made Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas ever.
Daddy Pig: Aw, I liked that film! That cat really was so grumpy! (laughs)
[The two walk into the house.]
Daddy Pig: A’ight, I’m gonna get some more of those Colin the Caterpillar biscuits and then check on that stupid garden of theirs. Can you see if they’ve got this week’s newspaper in the sitting room or something?
SpongeBob: Sitting room?
[Pause. Daddy Pig gives SpongeBob a deadpan look.]
SpongeBob: Oh you mean the lounge. (laughs) British people.
[SpongeBob walks into the “sitting room” while Daddy Pig starts rummaging through the cupboards again.]
SpongeBob: (off-screen, screams) FLIPPIN’ FLOTSAMS!!! WHAT’S THAT?!
[Daddy Pig rushes into the “sitting room” after SpongeBob.]
Daddy Pig: What happened? Did Suzy Sheep die again?
[Pan over to a birdcage in the corner of the room. A green parrot is lying on the floor, dead. Dramatic sting.]
Daddy Pig: Oh.
Narrator: Oh dear. SpongeBob and Daddy Pig have killed Polly Parrot.
SpongeBob: (crying) OH, IT’S HORRIBLE! WE WERE SUPPOSED TO LOOK AFTER HER FOR GRANNY AND GRANDPA PIG! (sobs) AND WE KILLED HER! (wipes tears) I didn’t even know they had a parrot!
Daddy Pig: Oh that’s right! It’s name is… Peggy Parrot or something.
Narrator: Her name is actually Polly Parrot.
Daddy Pig: Polly Parrot?! (laughs) What kind of stupid name is that?!
SpongeBob: I don’t think now’s the time, Daddy Pig.
Daddy Pig: Oh right. Sorry.
SpongeBob: How are we going to tell Granny and Grandpa Pig about this?
Daddy Pig: That’s the neat part - we don’t.
SpongeBob: Huh?
Daddy Pig: We’re not going to tell them it’s dead!
SpongeBob: I mean, surely they’d notice if their pet parrot has done a Suzy Sheep or not.
Daddy Pig: Not if their pet parrot hasn’t died!
[Pause.]
SpongeBob: Daddy Pig, pardon my language but what the hell are you talking about?
Daddy Pig: We have to cover this up, SpongeBob. We’re going to buy a new parrot!
SpongeBob: A new parrot?
Daddy Pig: Is there an echo in here?
SpongeBob: Daddy Pig, I’m not sure if this is a good idea.
Daddy Pig: Trust me, SpongeBob. Peppa and George’s pet goldfish has died countless times, and they have not noticed that I’ve had to replace that damn bugger once!
SpongeBob: Yeah, but they’re children! If my precious little Gare-bear died, I don’t know what I’d do!
Daddy Pig: Relax SpongeBob! As long as we buy a new parrot that’s exactly like the old one, they will not notice at all! The pair are old and almost senile, we probably need to start thinking about sending them to a retirement home soon anyway.
Daddy Pig: SpongeBob, listen. Would you rather us tell them that we killed Peggy Parrot-
SpongeBob: -Polly Parrot.
Daddy Pig: Whatever. Would you rather us tell them that we killed their bird, or do we just pull the ol’ bait and switch?
[Pause.]
SpongeBob: (sighs) I’d rather pull the ol’ bait and switch. But if this backfires they’re not going to trust us with anything ever again!
Daddy Pig: I can live with that, I only agreed to look after the house for the money.
SpongeBob: Wait you never told me we were getting paid for this!
Daddy Pig: Well, er… changing the subject, I will go down and buy a new bird, and you can stay here and make sure the chickens haven’t also decided to pull a Suzy Sheep.
SpongeBob: Gotcha! Just remember, the new bird has to look exactly like Polly Parrot.
Daddy Pig: Oh, it’ll be easy as pie!
[Bubble transition to Daddy Pig walking down the Peppa Pig World high street.]
Narrator: This is the Peppa Pig World high street, where all the Peppa Pig World shops are.
[Daddy Pig enters a pet shop.]
Narrator: And this is Miss Rabbit’s pet shop.
Miss Rabbit: Ah, Daddy Pig! My favourite wife-cheater! What can I help you with today?
Daddy Pig: I’m, er… looking to buy a budgie please.
[Cut to Daddy Pig and SpongeBob back in Granny and Grandpa Pig’s house, watching a blue budgie happily fly around Polly Parrot’s old cage.]
SpongeBob: …Daddy Pig?
Daddy Pig: Yes?
SpongeBob: …I don’t think that’s a green parrot.
Daddy Pig: I mean he looked sorta like Polly when I was in the shop.
[Pause.]
SpongeBob: POLLY WAS A FEMALE, YOU IDIOT!
Daddy Pig: Alright, alright! I’m sorry! Maybe they won’t notice the difference?
SpongeBob: HOW COULD THEY NOT NOTICE THE DIFFERENCE?! THE NEW BIRD’S A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT COLOR, COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SPECIES, AND A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT GENDER!
Daddy Pig: I said I’m sorry, okay?! Maybe we could telling them Polly came out as transgender or something, I don’t know!
SpongeBob: TRANSGENDER?! SHE’S A BIRD! HOW ARE WE GONNA EXPLAIN HOW SHE MAGICALLY TURNED INTO A BLUE BUDGIE THEN?!
Daddy Pig: …there’s gotta be some people who identify as trans-race, right?
[Pause.]
SpongeBob: Oh my Neptune, we’re fucking dead.
[The doorbell suddenly goes off.]
SpongeBob: That can’t be them, right?
[The doorbell goes off again.]
Narrator: Granny and Grandpa Pig are home from their weekend trip.
SpongeBob: For fuck’s sake.
Granny Pig: (off-screen, knocks on the door) Hello? Are you in there, boys?
Grandpa Pig: (off-screen) We, heh, forget to bring our keys with us.
SpongeBob: What are we going to do?
Daddy Pig: It’s okay, it’s okay! We just… we just need to play it cool.
SpongeBob: PLAY IT COOL?!!!
Granny Pig: (off-screen) Heellllloooooooooooo?
[Pause.]
Daddy Pig: I told you, they’re old and almost senile. They won’t even notice!
[Cut to SpongeBob and Daddy Pig opening the door, nervously grinning.]
Daddy Pig: Heyyyyyyyyyyy, how are my FAVOURITE parents-in-law doing?!
Grandpa Pig: Ah, there you are!
Granny Pig: What took you so long?
SpongeBob: We were, uh… pooping.
[Pause.]
Granny Pig: Together?
[Pause.]
SpongeBob: Yes.
Daddy Pig: So, uh… heh, how was your trip?
Granny Pig: Oh, thank you for asking! It was amazing! You really should go to the Isle of Wight sometime, Daddy Pig.
Daddy Pig: Yeah, uh… I will definitely keep that in mind. Anyway… nice chat, but we really need to be going.
Grandpa Pig: Already? Don’t you want a cup of tea while we unpack or something?
SpongeBob: Oh, we’d, um, love to! But you see, we have something really important that we have to do right now so-
Granny Pig: Oh, of course! I’ll let you boys get right to it.
[Daddy Pig hands over some keys to Granny Pig.]
Daddy Pig: Here are your keys, Granny Pig.
Granny Pig: Aw… you always were a good one, Daddy Pig. I knew I could trust you to look after my chickens.
Grandpa Pig: Um, and my garden! Everything is alright, isn’t it?
SpongeBob: Yep! Heh-heh, everything is okay! Perfect, even! You could even say it’s better than ever! It’s just how we left it!
[Pause.]
Grandpa Pig: Well… okay then. We’ll see you around then. T-T-F-N!
Daddy Pig: T-T-F-N!
Grandpa Pig: Oh, and thanks.
[Granny and Grandpa Pig walk back into the house.]
Daddy Pig: Fuck! Those twats forgot to pay us!
SpongeBob: Run. Now.
Daddy Pig: B-b-but-
[Granny Pig is heard screaming off-screen.]
Daddy Pig: Uh-oh.
[SpongeBob and Daddy Pig nervously run back into the house after them.]
Daddy Pig: Everything alright, dears?
Granny Pig: P-P-P-P… Polly-
SpongeBob: She’s more alive than she’s even been, huh?
Granny Pig: She’s… blue! And a budgie! And a boy!
Daddy Pig: Those transgenders, amirite? (nervously laughs)
SpongeBob: Y-y-you… you don’t have a problem with this, do you Granny Pig?
Granny Pig: Yes!
SpongeBob: Well, I for one think Polly’s new look suits him!
Granny Pig: Maybe, but Polly was dead when we left for the ferry!
[Pause.]
SpongeBob and Daddy Pig: Oh.
Narrator: SpongeBob and Daddy Pig have done a whoops-y.
[Cut to SpongeBob and Daddy Pig walking back into SpongeBob’s pineapple.]
SpongeBob: Welp, they’re not trusting us with anything ever again.
Daddy Pig: Hey, it’s not all bad! There’s problem a lesson to be learnt from this experience somewhere.
SpongeBob: Don’t go replacing dead parrots with budgies?
Daddy Pig: I don’t know. But... (pulls out some money) we got fifty quid out of it!
SpongeBob: Hey, give me some!
Daddy Pig: Ugh, fine. £10 alright?
SpongeBob: £25, no more, no less.
Daddy Pig: (sighs) I guess that’s only fair.
[Daddy Pig hands SpongeBob the money.]
SpongeBob: Thanks.
Daddy Pig: You’re welcome. 
SpongeBob: Any idea on what we could do with this dough?
Daddy Pig: We could buy another budgie.
[Pause.]
SpongeBob: No.
[end]
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