Ratigan and Drake's Boasting/Invitation to Dinner

(Back in town that evening as it snowed there as well, Ratigan and Drake, now back in their normal clothing and cleaned up, frowned as Ratigan sat on his armchair while Drake laid on the couch)
Ratigan: (Angrily) Who do they think they are? Those girls have tangled with the wrong men!
Drake: (Angrily) No one says "no" to Ratigan or Drake!
(The bat and dark boy, carrying two glasses of beer and cleaned up also, looked concerned)
Vanitas: (Scoffs) Darn right.
Drake: Dismissed! Rejected! (As he and Ratigan grab the mugs) Publicly humiliated!
(He and Ratigan furiously threw them into the fireplace)
Ratigan: Why, it's more than we can bear!
Fidget: More beer?
Vanitas: Really?! What for?!
Ratigan: Nothing helps.
Drake: We're disgraced.
Fidget: Who? You two? Never!
Vanitas: Guys, you gotta pull yourselves together.
(The rat and the muscular penguin glanced while the bat began singing)
Fidget: Gosh, it disturbs me to see you, Ratigan and Drake
Looking so down in the dumps
(As he sang that, he tried to force Drake to smile, only to be punched toward the table where two people and a cat Pokemon named Jessie, James, and Meowth were drinking)
Fidget: Every guy here'd love to be you, Ratigan and Drake
Even when taking your lumps
(The grumpy rat turned the chair away along with himself, crossing his arms with the grumpy muscular penguin)
Vanitas: There's no man in town as admired as you both
You're everyone's favorite guys
Everyone's awed and inspired by you both
(He and Fidget then began turning the rat's chair around as they continued)
Fidget: And it's not
Very hard
To see why
(Then, Lee, Marie, and May got on Ratigan and Drake as they sighed to them)
Fidget: No one's
Slick as Ratigan and Drake
No one's quick as Ratigan and Drake
No one's neck is incredibly thick as Ratigan and Drake
For there's no one in town half as manly
Perfect, a pure paragon
(As he sang next, he stepped onto Team Rocket's heads, much to their brief annoyance before jumping back to Ratigan and Drake)
Fidget: You can ask any Jessie, James, or Meowth
Vanitas: And they'll tell you who's team they'd prefer to be on
(Team Rocket and Vanitas then grabbed the bat before swinging him up and down toward Ratigan and Drake)
Five: No one's
Been like Ratigan and Drake
A kingpin like Ratigan and Drake
Fidget: No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Ratigan and Drake
(The rat and muscular penguin finally grinned before shrugging and singing)
Ratigan and Drake: As specimens, yes
We're intimidating
(Drake flexed his muscles while in the corner, the good villagers just rolled their eyes in annoyance secretly)
Followers: My, what two guys
That Ratigan and Drake
(The followers clinked their glasses together)
Followers: Give five hurrahs
Give twelve hips-hips
Fidget: Ratigan and Drake are the best
Vanitas: And the rest is all drips
(Then, by accident, where Ratigan and Drake stood proudly, the bat accidentally threw his drink on the rat and muscular penguin's faces)
Followers: (Shocked) Ooooh!
(Angrily, Ratigan and Drake glared at Fidget, who sheepishly hid his glass behind him. Then, Drake punched the bat, making him fly through the bar and then brawled with Team Rocket)
Followers: No one
Fights like Ratigan and Drake
Douses lights like Ratigan and Drake
(Then, as they continued singing, Drake bit James' leg)
James: In a wrestling match
Nobody bites like Drake
Kankers: For there's no one as burly and brawny
(Then, Drake lifted the bench the Kankers were sitting on while they watched with excitement)
Drake: As you can see
I've got biceps to spare
Vanitas: Not a bit of him scraggly or scrawny
(The bench was dropped on top of Fidget, who was squished underneath by the Kankers)
Drake: That's right
Ratigan: And every last inch of me's covered with (Reveals his chest) hair
Followers: No one hits like Ratigan and Drake
Catches wits like Ratigan and Drake
Vanitas: In a spitting match
Nobody spits like Ratigan and Drake
Ratigan and Drake: I'm especially good at expectorating
(They both then spit out a huge spit wad of chewing tobacco around the bar while most of the male followers held up 10 signs)
Male followers: Ten points for Ratigan and Drake
(The wad went around as Fidget held the vase, but as it went in, Fidget slipped and the vase accidentally went on his head. Ratigan and Drake began juggling eggs)
Ratigan: When I was a lad, I ate four dozen eggs
Every morning to help me get large
(Ratigan and Drake ate their eggs. After removing the vase, Fidget juggled the eggs upward. However, they landed all over his face while Vanitas laughed at him)
Drake: And now that I'm grown, I eat five dozen eggs
So we're roughly the size of a barge
Followers: No one
Shoots like Ratigan and Drake
Makes those beauts like Ratigan and Drake
Fidget and Vanitas: Then goes stomping around wearing boots like Ratigan
Ratigan and Drake: We use antlers in all of our decorating
(As they sang that line, Ratigan and Drake pointed to the wall by the fireplace showing trophies of animal heads they killed while sitting in their armchair)
Vanitas: And their names are....
Fidget: R-A-T.... R-A....
I'm trying to spell them out
D'oh
(On "D'oh," Vanitas bonked him on the head in annoyance. Then, Vanitas and the male followers began lifting him)
Followers: My what two guys
Ratigan and Drake
(As they lifted the chair Ratigan and Drake sat on, they carried it while the bat, noticing, yelped and tried running. However, they unknowingly threw Ratigan, Drake, and the chair onto him, nearly crushing him. When the song was done, the bar cheered as Ratigan and Drake grinned. Then, all of a sudden, a familiar male Scottish mouse and man came in, gasping in fear)
Hiram: Help!
Utonium: Someone help us!
Officer Jenny: (Concerned) Hiram? Professor?
Hiram: Please! Please! (Fearfully) Utonium and I need your help!
Utonium: (Goes to each table) He's got her.... He's got them locked in the tower along with their friends!
Nurse Joy: (Concerned) Who, guys?
Utonium: Olivia, Marina, and their friends!
Hiram: (Shoving Fuzzy Lumpkins) We have to go, not a minute to lose!
Drake: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down, Hiram and Professor.
Ratigan: Who's got Olivia, Marina, and their friends locked in a tower?
Hiram: It's a beast! A horrible, monstrous, rat-like beast!
Utonium: Though he claims to be a mouse, he's a rat-like beast! And he has a mutant penguin!
(Everyone only looked confused before the followers laughed hysterically)
Mojo Jojo: (Gesturing) Are they big beasts?
Hiram: Huge! Very!
(Then, Sedusa grabbed the empty mug, putting it over her mouth and making it look huge)
Sedusa: With long ugly snouts?
Utonium: Hideously ugly!
Fuzzy: And sharp, cruel fangs?
Him: And sharp cruel claws?
Hiram: Yes, yes!
Utonium: And he has a bent crooked tail with glowing blood red eyes!
Hiram and Utonium: Will anybody help us?
Ratigan: (Winking at his and Drake's followers) Oh, sure.
Drake: (Agreeing with Ratigan) We'll help you both.
(Then the thugs grabbed Hiram and Utonium and lead them out the door)
Hiram and Utonium: Oh, thank you! Thank you!
(Suddenly, the thugs threw Hiram and Utonium out into the snow. Back inside, the good villagers got concerned and left while the followers resumed what they're doing)
Bill: Crazy old Hiram.
John: He's always good for a laugh!
Meowth: Especially when he made Professor Utonium crazy just now!
(They laughed. Ratigan and Drake, hearing them, thought up a plan)
Ratigan: Crazy old Hiram and Utonium, huh?
Drake: Crazy old Hiram and Utonium....
(They looked down at Fidget, who recovered, and began singing)
Ratigan and Drake: Fidget, we've just suddenly been thinking
Fidget: A dangerous pastime?
Ratigan and Drake: (Annoyed) We know!
(They ushered Vanitas to come to them as well)
Ratigan: That wacky old coot
Is Olivia and Marina's father
And his sanity only so-so
Drake: Now, the wheels in our heads
Are turning
Ratigan and Drake: Since we looked
At that loony old man
See, we promised ourselves
We'd be married to Olivia and Marina
And right now, we're evolving a plan
(The followers listened as Ratigan and Drake whispered to Fidget and Vanitas the plan)
Fidget: (Surprised) You what?!
Vanitas: No, would they...?
Ratigan and Drake: Guess!
Fidget and Vanitas: Now, we get it!
Four: Let's go for it!
(Then they began singing)
Four: No one
Plots like Ratigan and Drake
Ratigan and Drake: Takes cheap shots
Like Ratigan and Drake
Fidget and Vanitas: Plans to persecute harmless crackpots
Like Ratigan and Drake
(Then the followers joined in)
Followers: And their marriages we soon will be celebrating
My what two guys
Ratigan and Drake
(Outside, Hiram and Utonium were helped up by the good villagers)
Utonium: Why are you helping us?
Officer Jenny: Because we don't like Ratigan and Drake.
Basil: We heard your dilemma, and we'll help you in any way we can.
Dawson: That's right.
Nurse Joy: Olivia, Marina, and their friends are our friends, too. And we'll do everything in our power to help.
Hiram: (Gratefully) Oh, thank you!
Utonium: (Gratefully) Thank you!
(Then they head back to Hiram's cottage. Back at the castle, Olivia and Marina were still crying while their friends were concerned. Just then, they heard a knock at the bedroom door. They turned to the door, looking concerned)
Olivia: Who is it?
Granmamare: (Voice-over) It's Granmamare.
Fujimoto: (Voice-over) And Fujimoto.
(The Scottish mouse and female penguin got off of the bed while Bubbles opened the door. The dolphin and shark entered while pushing the cart. With them are Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Daisy, Goofy, and Pluto)
Granmamare: We thought you might like some tea.
Blossom: (Shocked) Wait, you're all....
(Just then, she yelped, bumping into a sleeping black normal looking cow, waking her up. That is Clarabelle Cow)
Clarabelle: Oh, careful.
Butch: Non-anthro animals?
Clarabelle: My name is Clarabelle Cow.
Olivia: My goodness, I didn't think it was possible, but we see non-anthro animals everywhere.
(Grubber blew a raspberry in agreement. They then looked at the other servants)
Buttercup: And you guys are?
Mickey: Mickey Mouse.
Minnie: His wife, Minnie Mouse.
Donald: Donald Duck.
Daisy: His wife, Daisy Duck.
Goofy: Gwarsh, my name is Goofy, Clarabelle's husband.
Fujimoto: My name is Fujimoto, and this lovely dolphin is my wife, Granmamare.
Granmamare: (Chuckling) Nice to meet you all.
(Pluto barked happily)
Mickey: And this is Pluto, my buddy.
Clarabelle: It may be impossible, but here we all are.
Ace: But aren't sharks and dolphins supposed to be enemies?
Fujimoto: Yes, but Granmamare is an exception.
Granmamare: Indeed.
(Ponyo smiled from behind her parents)
Ponyo: I told you those two girls were pretty, Mom and Dad, didn't I?
Granmamare: All right.
(The tea cups were taken before they filled up the tea)
Fujimoto: Slowly now. Don't spill.
(Ponyo then gave each of Olivia's group their cups)
Olivia: Oh, thank you.
Marina: Thanks.
Ponyo: Do you wanna see a trick?
(She then conjured a bubble from Snake's cup and flew it into the air before popping it back into liquid form in Snake's cup)
Snake: Wow. Nicccccce.
Granmamare: That was a very brave thing you all did.
Minnie: We all think so as well.
(The servants nodded in agreement while Olivia and Marina sighed sadly)
Olivia: But we've lost me and my sister's daddy and the professor.... Our dreams.... Everything we had.
Marina: At least we have us.
Granmamare: She's right. Cheer up.
Fujimoto: It'll turn out all right in the end, you'll see.
(The Scottish mouse and female penguin smiled a bit with their group)
Granmamare: (Giggles) Oh, listen to us.
Fujimoto: Chatting away when there's dinner to be served. Come along, guys.
(The servants nodded as they began walking out of the room)
Granmamare: Ponyo, Come along now.
(The goldfish nodded before leaving)
Ponyo: Bye!
(After the other servants left, the group looked at Clarabelle)
Clarabelle: Well, then. What will we dress you in for dinner? Oooh, let's see what I got in the wardrobe!
(As she opened the cabinet, some moths came out before she chuckled sheepishly)
Clarabelle: Sorry, it's been a while. How embarrassing!
(She then looked at some dresses)
Clarabelle: Oh, here are some for the girls.
Adagio: Thank you for the offer, but why should we go to dinner with him?
Ace: Yeah?
Buttercup: He held Hiram and the professor prisoner.
Brick: Why should we treat him like he's different?
Olivia: Besides, we're not going to dinner.
Marina: That's right.
Clarabelle: (Gasps) But you have to.
Blossom: Now look....
(However, the Eds entered the room, with Double D clearing his throat)
Double D: Dinner is served.
(At the dining room, the Mouse King waited impatiently, pacing around as Naveen, Tiana, Granmamare, Fujimoto, and the mutant penguin watched)
Mouse King: What's taking those girls and their friends so long? I told them to come down. (Growls) Why the heck aren't they here yet?!
Granmamare: You have to be patient, sire.
Fujimoto: It's true. Those two girls lost their father and the professor and their, along with her friends', freedom all in one day.
(The Mouse King only looked disgusted)
Naveen: Master? Do you think those two girls are the ones to break the spell?
Mouse King: (Glares) Of course I have! I'm no fool.
Naveen: (Grins) Good then.
(As he spoke next, Tiana lit two candles he's holding)
Naveen: You two fall in love with them, and they fall in love with you two, and (Blows the candles out) Poof! The spell is broken!
Tiana: And we'll be human again by midnight.
Fujimoto: Um, Naveen, Tiana, it's not that simple; These things take time.
Tiana: But the rose already began to wilt.
Naveen: What else are we suppose to do about it?
Mouse King: (Looks at himself and the mutant penguin) It's no use. Those girls are so beautiful and we're....
(He then glared at them)
Mouse King: Well, look at us!
Mutant penguin: And besides, they're afraid of us.
Granmamare: You have to help them see past all that.
Mouse King: (Turns away) I don't know how.
(Fujimoto looked at the two in determination)
Fujimoto: Well, you can start by making yourselves more presentable. (Seriously) Straighten up.
(The bigger mouse and mutant penguin obeyed his order)
Fujimoto: Try to act like gentlemen.
Naveen: And when those girls and their friends come in, give those girls a dashing smile. Well, come on, smile.
(The bigger mouse and the mutant penguin grinned and showed all of their teeth forcefully, making Tiana yelp)
Tiana: Uh, just don't scare the daylights out of them like you're doing to me!
(They then continued giving some advice to the two monsters)
Naveen: Impress her with your delightful wit.
Granmamare: But be gentle.
Tiana: Shower them with compliments.
Fujimoto: But be sincere.
Naveen: And above all....
Four: (To the mutant penguin) Don't be shy! (To the Mouse King) And you must control your temper!
(Just then, they noticed the door opening)
Tiana: (Gasps) Here they come!
(The Mouse King and the mutant penguin smiled happily. Just then, the meekish Eds came to the room)
Eds: Good evening, Master.
(The Mouse King glared while the mutant penguin got disappointed)
Mouse King: (Impatiently) Well, where are those girls and their friends?
Mutant penguin: (Concerned) Are they coming or not?
Double D: (Worried) Who? (Realizes nervously) Oh, those girls and their friends. Of course.
Eddy: (Sighs) Well, you see, they and their friends are in the process of.... (Gulps) Well, circumstances being what they are....
Ed: (Frightened) They're not coming down.
Mouse King: (Angrily roaring) WHAT?!
(The bigger mouse barged out of the room towards the East Wing, running in all fours as the mutant penguin and the servants quickly followed him)
Double D: Master! Stop!
Eddy: Let's not be hasty!
(Then, as they came to the door, the angry bigger mouse pounded on the door)
Mouse King: I thought I told you two and your friends to come down to dinner!
Olivia: (Voice-over) We're not hungry!
Ace: (Voice-over) Yeah! So beat it!
(The mutant penguin and the servants only looked down as the bigger mouse glared)
Mouse King: You come out or I'll-I'll-I'll break down the door!
Buttercup: (Voice-over) We like to see you try because we locked it!
Group: (Voice-over) Yeah!
Naveen: (Tugging the cape) Uh, Master?
(He looked at the male frog angrily)
Naveen: I could be wrong, but that is not the best way to win the two girls' affections.
Double D: Please, attempt to be a gentleman.
(The Mouse King only glared back at the door)
Mouse King: (Through gritted teeth) But those girls and their friends are being so difficult!
Granmamare: Gently, gently....
(He growled a bit, turning back to the door)
Mouse King: (Calmly) Will any of you come to dinner?
Mutant penguin: You must be hungry.
Marina: (Voice-over) If you did not hear any of us, then I will say this: Our answer together is still no, you monster.
Mouse King: (Points to the door with a "I told you so" look) Hmmm?
Mutant penguin: Ah, ah. Suave, genteel.
(The Mouse King bowed, clutching to his cape as he narrowed to the door)
Mouse King: It would give me great pleasure if you would join me and my brother for dinner.
(His fists looked like they were shaking with anger)
Naveen: Say "please."
Mouse King and mutant penguin: (Glances) Please?
Group: (Voice-over) No thank you!
(The angry Mouse King glared angrily with fury)
Mouse King: You can't stay in there forever!
Olivia: (Voice-over) Yes we can!
Brick: (Voice-over) We'd rather starve than eat with you!
Mouse King: (Angrily) Fine! Then go ahead and (Roars) STARVE!!
(He then turned angrily to the seven servants, who each looked frightened)
Mouse King: (To the servants) If they don't eat with me and my brother, then none of them don't eat at all! (To the mutant brother) Come on!
(With that, he ran off angrily and slammed a door very loudly after the mutant penguin followed in concern. Then a small piece of the ceiling fell onto Eddy's head)
Eddy: Ow.
Tiana: (Sarcastically) Well, that worked like a dream.
Double D: All right. Naveen, you and Tiana stand watch at the door. Inform me of the slightest change.
Naveen: (Salutes) You can count on us, Double D.
Tiana: We won't let you down!
(They started walking back and forth, guarding the door)
Fujimoto: (Sighs) Well, we might as well go downstairs and start cleaning up.
Eddy: Yeah.
(With that, they headed downstairs, leaving the two frogs to continue their work. In the West Wing, the bigger mouse threw the door open, stomping in over to his dressing table with the mutant penguin speaking angrily)
Mutant penguin: How could you say they can starve like that?!
Mouse King: (Frustrated) I asked them nicely! But they still refused!
Mutant penguin: But what if they change their minds?!
Mouse King: (Angrily and evenly) Well, what do you want me to do?! Beg?!
(When they were near the dressing table, the Mouse King glanced at the magic mirror and picked it up)
Mouse King: Show me the girls and their friends!
(Slowly, a vision of an angry Olivia's group sitting on the bed appeared. Clarabelle was sitting near them as she tried calming them)
Clarabelle: Please, come on. Why can't all of you give him a chance?
Snake: Why shouldssss we?!
Buttercup: Did he ever give Hiram and the professor a chance? Ha! I wish!
Brick: Don't let him make us laugh!
Olivia: (Angrily) I wouldn't give him a chance, especially if he were the last person on Earth!
Clarabelle: But he's not so bad once you get to know him.
Olivia: (Scoffing) I don't want to get to know him! I don't want to have anything to do with that.... That monster!
(The bigger mouse's face dropped with a worried look before looking down as the image vanished)
Mouse King: Oh, I'm just kidding myself. She and her friends'll never see me as anything....
(He then placed the mirror face down on the dressing table)
Mouse King: But a monster.
(He looked sadly at the rose in the glass jar as a petal from it fell)
Mouse King: (Sadly) It's hopeless....
(Feeling sad for him, the mutant penguin looked back at the West Wing door and deciding to do something about Olivia's group, began to walk away when...)
Mouse King: (Sadly) Where are you going? Cleaning up?
(The mutant penguin, despite hating telling lies to his brother, lied)
Mutant penguin: Yes. And then I'll return.
(And with that, he left as the Mouse King continued to look at the rose sadly)
Coming up: Olivia's group comes out, feeling hungry and ends up befriending more servants and even the mutant penguin himself. Then they are treated as guests with some food.
Category:Fan Fiction
Category:Beauty and the Beast Parodies
Category:Belle
Category:Disney Princess Fanmakes
Category:Disney Princess Parodies