Editing 2

== Chapter 11 ==
Wrong 	Corrected 	Reasoning 	Status
Chapter 11 	 	 	
over the red head's shoulder, 	over the redhead's shoulder, 	 	
Where did you run away too? 	Where did you run away to? 	 	
John arrived in the dinning room 	John arrived in the dining room 	 	
"That's right, Son." Glad to see you taking your body seriously, now.	"That's right, Son. Glad to see you taking your body seriously, now."	quotation mark wrong place 	
Can I talk you about it? 	Can I talk to you about it? 	 	
a small lean stake, 	a small lean steak, 	 	
Half way through demolishing 	Halfway through demolishing 	 	
had one in the last time-line 	had one in the last timeline 	 	
He father looked over his copy 	His father looked over his copy 	 	
The ink and parchment was rife 	The ink and parchment were rife 	 	
I was about to head into the office. 	I was about to head in to the office. 	 	
Wha? 	Wha-? 	hyphen 	
"Stu-Pi-"—Her mouth glowed red—"-Fy!" 	"Stu-Pe-"—Her mouth glowed red—"-Fy!" 	Incantation is Stupefy, not stupify 	
The redhead blanked. Then collapsed 	The redhead blanked, then collapsed 	Change to comma 	
"Oh, Poo." 	"Oh, poo." 	Lowercase 	
You sure you don't want back-up 	You sure you don't want backup 	Should be one word 	
He's going to wake-up into a situation 	He's going to wake up in a situation 	Remove hyphen, and change "into" to "in" 	
in high emotion situations 	in high-emotion situations 	Hyphen 	
jeans and t-shirt 	jeans and a t-shirt 	Missing word 	
we need anything… from…what 	we need anything… from… what 	Space 	
don't have well paying jobs 	don't have well-paying jobs 	Hyphen 	
his bedroom in Potter manor 	his bedroom in Potter Manor 	Capitalize 	
None of it had happened — The stone 	None of it had happened — the stone 	Lowercase 	
his death — None of it 	his death — none of it 	Lowercase 	
branded a liar — a cheat — the very opposite 	branded a liar—a cheat—the very opposite 	Remove spaces 	
He'd have to careful of course 	He'd have to be careful of course 	Missing word 	
breakfast appeared — A plate of 	breakfast appeared — a plate of 	Lowercase 	
"Happy birthday, Darling." 	"Happy birthday, darling." 	Lowercase 	
Excuse me… I…I'll be right back 	Excuse me… I… I'll be right back 	Space 	
washes and re-sizing charms 	washes and resizing charms 	Should be one word 	
no way that Ginny Weasley— poor 	no way that Ginny Weasley—poor 	Remove space 	
Weasley— could possibly afford 	Weasley—could possibly 	Remove space 	
Not that- that would stop him 	Not that that would stop him 	Remove comma (maybe change second "that" to "it") 	
He got a control of himself 	He got control of himself 	Remove "a" 	
wearing full auror uniform 	wearing his full auror uniform 	Missing word. Alternatively, change to "in full auror uniform"?	
He brought out the hair-clip 	He brought out the hair clip 	Remove hyphen 	
can be shrunk and used as a hair-clip 	can be shrunk and used as a hair clip 	Remove hyphen 	
Ginny who he loved 	Ginny whom he loved 	Typo 	
wake in just a few days time 	wake in just a few days' time 	Apostrophe 	
award for most-frustrating-Slytherin 	award for most frustrating Slytherin 	Remove hyphens 	
chamber/chamber of secrets 	Chamber/Chamber of Secrets 	Multiple occurrences 	
== Chapter 12 ==
Wrong 	Corrected 	Reasoning 	Status
Chapter 12 	 	 	
kitchen and dinning room. 	kitchen and dining room. 	 	
Perhaps a friend of one your friends 	Perhaps a friend of one of your friends 	 	
time to meet any one? 	time to meet anyone? 	 	
Do you have a boy friend? 	Do you have a boyfriend? 	 	
John climbed The Burrow stairs 	John climbed the Burrow's stairs 	 	
She struggled on her bindings 	She struggled against her bindings 	 	
no-longer bound, but still 	no longer bound, but still 	 	
The twin's heads peeped around 	The twins' heads peeped around 	 	
and gave duel, theatrical bows 	and gave dual, theatrical bows 	 	
with lots of extraneous hand waving." 	with lots of extraneous hand waving. 	quotation marks not needed 	
like to formerly invite you 	like to formally invite you 	 	
the ring on her pinky. 	the ring on her little finger. 	 	
into her right pinky 	into her right little finger 	 	
She collapsed side-ways on the bed 	She collapsed sideways on the bed 	 	
The second-hand moved. 	The second hand moved. 	 	
Ancient and Noble house of Potter 	Ancient and Noble House of Potter 	 	
out of The Burrow next year 	out of the Burrow next year 	 	
vibrations on his right pinky. 	vibrations on his little finger. 	 	
The grin vanished. Oh, Damn. 	The grin vanished. Oh, damn. 	Or: Oh. Damn. 	
stroll to the leaky cauldron. 	stroll to the Leaky Cauldron. 	 	
He arrived in Ottery St. Catchpole 	He arrived in Ottery St Catchpole 	 	
cloak, and a poly-juice. 	cloak, and a polyjuice. 	 	
never actually used poly-juice 	never actually used polyjuice 	 	
Making a split decision 	Making a split-second decision 	and may want to change the ‘second’ later in the sentence to avoid repetition	
—Dragons can wait. Family comes first. 	—dragons can wait. Family comes first. 	 	
"Yes, It's me, but 	"Yes, it's me, but 	 	
grabbed the silver lighting-bolt 	grabbed the silver lightning-bolt 	 	
His skin scrapped off 	His skin scraped off 	 	
"Holy Shit!" 	"Holy shit!" 	 	
he shot off duel stunners 	he shot off dual stunners 	 	
the second young-man hit 	the second young man hit 	 	
he'd escaped The Burrow, 	he'd escaped the Burrow, 	 	
echoing off the inferi-filled cave walls. 	echoing off the inferi-filled cave's walls. 	as it is, it implies the cave walls are filled with inferi 	
directly into The Burrow's own 	directly into the Burrow's own 	 	
the lack of wand, 	the lack of a wand, 	 	
or while at the Dursleys 	or while at the Dursleys' 	 	
formally known as Snowy 	formerly known as Snowy 	 	
voice called though the fruit 	voice called through the fruit 	 	
that is not a hair pin 	that is not a hairpin 	 	
Do you have a boy friend? 	Do you have a boyfriend? 	 	
than in the last time-line 	than in the last timeline 	 	
only been a fourteen year-old 	only been a fourteen-year-old 	 	
could get the time-line back 	could get the timeline back 	 	
She collapsed side-ways on 	She collapsed sideways on 	 	
contained a back-up stash 	contained a backup stash 	 	
and two years of prison 	and two years in prison 	 	
A steel voice rang around the kitchen 	A steel voice rang through the kitchen 	 	
than first time around. 	than the first time around. 	 	
at down adjacent to Mrs. Tonks 	at down adjacent to Mrs Tonks 	 	
Mrs. Tonks raised an 	Mrs Tonks raised an 	 	
all the other Mr. Mrs. cases in the chapter 	with Mr and Mrs 	 	
Noble house of Potter. John is my 	Noble House of Potter. John is my 	 	
Her father re-directed her 	Her father redirected her 	Should be one word 	
You said you did used to like John 	You said you used to like John 	Remove "did" 	
a foul smelling bucket 	a foul-smelling bucket 	Hyphen 	
Ginny has a fully built mind-scape 	Ginny has a fully built mindscape 	Should be one word 	
And mind-scapes are advanced. 	And mindscapes are advanced. 	Should be one word 	
cleaning and re-cleaning pots 	cleaning and recleaning pots 	Should be one word 	
Ginny could build a mind-scape 	Ginny could build a mindscape 	Should be one word 	
no enchantments, no mind-magics 	no enchantments, no mind magics 	Remove hyphen 	
vulnerable to mind-magics 	vulnerable to mind magics 	Remove hyphen 	
retreat into her mind-scape 	retreat into her mindscape 	Should be one word 	
by mind raping her 	by mind-raping her 	Hyphen 	
the evil, dark-wizard corrupting 	the evil, dark wizard corrupting 	Remove hyphen 	
giving you a heads up 	giving you a heads-up 	Hyphen 	
His Dumbledore orchestrated introduction 	His Dumbledore-orchestrated introduction 	Hyphen 	
acting like blood traitor scum 	acting like blood-traitor scum 	Hyphen 	
"You…you're Dark?" 	"You… you're Dark?" 	Space 	
one of pure contempt." 	one of pure contempt. 	Remove extraneous quote 	
Harry, Let it out 	Harry, let it out 	Lowercase 	
his world re-aligned itself 	his world realigned itself 	Should be one word 	
suck at holding a re-sizing charm 	suck at holding a resizing charm 	Should be one word 	
meet her ice blue one 	meet her ice-blue one 	Hyphen 	
than last time around — sharper, more aware — and while	than last time around—sharper, more aware—and while	Remove spaces around em-dashes 	
The Boy-Who-Lived has a brother 	The boy-who-lived has a brother 	Lowercase 	
heard that the Boy-Who-Lived 	heard that the boy-who-lived 	Lowercase 	
He was suddenly face to face 	He was suddenly face-to-face 	Two hyphens 	
== Chapter 13 ==
Wrong 	Corrected 	Reasoning 	Status
Chapter 13 	 	 	
POTENTIAL PLOTHOLE 	"Fifty new students a year on average, Hermione." 	Four houses, 10 each = 40, not 50. 	
Potential Plothole, Refers to chapter 9 	It uses a combination of Gringotts records and the Albion family magics to place a person within a family line, and highlights any titles, or inheritances they are eligible for. 	Harry might have known through this here that he is heir Potter. 
Chapter 9:
"Let's get this cart on the tracks then. A drop of your blood if you would, Lord Slytherin."	
family". 	family." 	dot behind the quotation 	
Mum! Dad! We're going to be late! And you now know goblins don't like to be kept waiting.	"Mum! Dad! We're going to be late! And you now know goblins don't like to be kept waiting." 	quotation marks missing 	
sign here and the house of Granger 	sign here and the House of Granger 	 	
deal with 'their kind.' half-blood 	deal with 'their kind,' half-blood 	comma 	
decapitated mess a coins toss away 	decapitated mess a coin's toss away 	 	
He pushed a filled out form 	He pushed a filled in form 	(British English) 	
contained a lot more legalise 	contained a lot more legalese 	 	
she was loathed to take off 	she was loath to take off 	 	
she arrived outside Madam Malkins Robes 	she arrived outside Madam Malkin's Robes 	 	
Oh, Damn. Not pureblood. 	Oh, damn. Not pureblood. 	 	
many of it's own customs 	many of its own customs 	 	
spelled out to new comers. 	spelled out to newcomers. 	 	
in her parent's back garden. 	in her parents' back garden. 	 	
lesser-known schools in the British Isles. 	lesser-known schools in Britain. 	 	
wand makers use different combination of wand cores 	wand makers use different combinations of wand cores 	 	
I had the brother wand to Voldemort 	I had the brother wand to Voldemort's 	 	
caster that looses the subsequent 	caster that loses the subsequent 	 	
It's not common wand law. 	It's not common wand lore. 	 	
for most of her parent's books 	for most of her parents' books 	 	
She leant in to him, 	She leant into him, 	 	
around with the awe struck countenance 	around with the awestruck countenance 	 	
said a middle aged witch 	said a middle-aged witch 	 	
hair so light is was almost blond. 	hair so light it was almost blond. 	 	
spelled out to new comers." 	spelled out to newcomers." 	 	
Obviously other wand makers use 	Obviously other wandmakers use 	 	
He held up his fifteen inch yew 	He held up his fifteen-inch yew 	 	
owing to their ability to be re-born from 	owing to their ability to be reborn from 	 	
known to wizard kind, 	known to wizardkind, 	 	
The wand maker handed her 	The wandmaker handed her 	 	
feel his excitement pressed against her, 	feel his excitement pressing against her, 	 	
The wizarding world uses dragon in 	The wizarding world uses dragons in 	 	
just point out that of course they'd love 	just point out that of course, they'd love 	 	
of them aren't well spelled out 	of them aren't well spelt out 	 	
And you now know goblins don't like 	And you know goblins don't like 	Remove "now" 	
Tottenham Court Road. 	Tottenham Court Road." 	Add closing quote 	
like any self respecting intellectually curious person 	like any self-respecting intellectually curious person 	Hyphen 	
sat back down on the living room sofa 	sat back down on the living-room sofa 	Hyphen 	
a very enthusiastic attempt none the less 	a very enthusiastic attempt nonetheless 	Should be one word 	
the Albion family magics 	the Albion Family Magics 	Capitalize 	
sacrificed into a purpose made runic chalice 	sacrificed into a purpose-made runic chalice 	Hyphen 	
the long lost squib line 	the long-lost squib line 	Hyphen 	
Both she, and her parents 	Both she and her parents 	Remove comma 	
He pushed a filled out form 	He pushed a filled-out form 	Hyphen 	
before re-colouring itself gold 	before recolouring itself gold 	Should be one word 	
parcel of land in the grounds 	parcel of land on the grounds 	Typo 	
build a medium sized country house 	build a medium-sized country house 	Hyphen 	
her Mum and Dad now wore, drew power 	her Mum and Dad now wore drew power 	Remove comma 	
"Hello, Dearie," said a middle 	"Hello, dearie," said a middle 	Lowercase 	
wearing brand new casual robes 	wearing brand-new casual robes 	Hyphen 	
a powerful magical knock-back 	a powerful magical knockback 	Should be one word 	
that looses the subsequent battle of wills 	that loses the subsequent battle of wills 	Typo 	
the mountain they were born on. 	the mountain they were born on." 	Add closing quote 	
many different unicorn hairs 	many different unicorns' hairs 	Add "s" and apostrophe 	
I'm Hermione Granger, Sir 	I'm Hermione Granger, sir 	Lowercase 	
"Yes, Sir." Her tone conveyed 	"Yes, sir." Her tone conveyed 	Lowercase 	
a plain looking wand." 	a plain-looking wand. 	Hyphen, and remove extraneous end quote	
This year's batch have been 	This year's batch has been 	Typo 	
really quite interesting… Mmmm 	really quite interesting… mmmm 	Lowercase 	
a few pure white sparks 	a few pure-white sparks 	Hyphen 	
A fountain of pure white sparks 	A fountain of pure-white sparks 	Hyphen 	
Really, Sir? I would have thought 	Really, sir? I would have thought 	Lowercase 	
It can't be that rare, Sir 	It can't be that rare, sir 	Lowercase 	
"Thank you, Sir." She turned to leave 	"Thank you, sir." She turned to leave 	Lowercase 	
paid in mountain high stacks 	paid in mountain-high stacks 	Hyphen 	
a figure hugging, form fitting, curve showing, dress 	a figure-hugging, form-fitting, curve-showing, dress 	Hyphens 	
Working age members of House Granger 	Working-age members of House Granger 	Hyphen 	
After another half-hour 	After another half an hour 	British 	
it had been the Greengrass Heiress 	it had been the Greengrass heiress 	Lowercase 	
== Chapter 14 ==
Wrong 	Corrected 	Reasoning 	Status
Chapter 14 	 	 	
book and slid it from its brother's snug embrace. 	book and slid it from its brothers' snug embrace. 	 	
didn't smile back and her smile faulted. 	didn't smile back and her smile faltered. 	 	
"That was Okay? Wasn't it?" 	"That was okay? Wasn't it?" 	 	
We have enumerable treasures 	We have innumerable treasures 	 	
of course, and Susan, It'll be 	of course, and Susan. It'll be 	should be a dot 	
Alex couldn't help notice that John 	Alex couldn't help but notice that John 	word missing 	
toy of the Black's broke 	toy of the Blacks broke 	 	
What were left were the high 	What was left were the high 	 	
held it close to like a shield 	held it close like a shield 	( or ‘close to her’) 	
clarinets, moulding into trumpets, 	clarinets, melding into trumpets, 	 	
feeling was were the similarities ended. 	feeling was where the similarities ended. 	 	
If her grand father was correct 	If her grandfather was correct 	 	
melted lead it's focus was so intense. 	melted lead its focus was so intense. 	 	
Did the box just Meow? 	Did the box just meow? 	 	
she grinned a marauders grin 	she grinned a marauder's grin 	 	
good sniff as padfoot, 	good sniff as Padfoot, 	 	
It's from my lord. 	It's from my lord." 	quotation mark missing 	
declaration, less he put your son 	declaration, lest he put your son 	 	
even more insane then them 	even more insane than them 	 	
if she'd a bit less headstrong 	if she'd been a bit less headstrong 	 	
about the Hogwarts express? 	about the Hogwarts Express? 	in-universe proper noun 	
table where to grown-ups sat. 	table where the grown-ups sat. 	 	
eyes to see Luna's gray ones 	eyes to see Luna's grey ones 	 	
and plied them off, 	and prised them off, 	 	
takes a decade of practise 	takes a decade of practice 	noun 	
It is now more obvious then 	It is now more obvious than 	 	
he's in his mid twenties 	he's in his mid-twenties 	 	
her own box shaped 	her own box-shaped 	 	
intro to a fifty-some year old 	intro to a fifty-some-year-old 	 	
was a half blood 	was a halfblood 	 	
Alexandra face palmed, again. 	Alexandra facepalmed, again. 	 	
John stopped half way through 	John stopped halfway through 	 	
The first born children 	The firstborn children 	 	
ready for the tell tale tickling 	ready for the telltale tickling 	 	
in another minute long hug. 	in another minute-long hug. 	 	
a bookmark into the same page 	a bookmark on the same page 	 	
heard you're still top of class, 	heard you're still top in class, 	‘Top in class’ has more a feeling of ‘great job, you’re doing well’
‘Top of class’ feels a little bit more ‘you are superior to those lesser plebs’
It's Sirius referring to Alex. He does not feel like someone bragging in that position	
a large grin forming over his face. 	a large grin forming on his face. 	 	
and she felt the girl wrap around her, 	wrapping or wrapped 	not sure 	
it's the only way isn't it? 	it's the only way, isn't it? 	comma 	
come down wearing a gray dress if she'd 	come down wearing a grey dress if she'd 	 	
her with her silvery gray stare. 	her with her silvery grey stare. 	 	
first generation magicals to the international statue of secrecy	first generation magicals to the international statute of secrecy	typo 	
a medium length black beard 	a medium-length black beard 	Hyphen 	
Good morning, Grand Father 	Good morning, Grandfather 	Should be one word 	
But... but, sharing with 	But… but, sharing with 	Change three periods to ellipses 	
a glass of half-drunk fire whisky 	a glass of half-drunk firewhisky 	Should be one word 	
His dozen odd letters 	His dozen-odd letters 	Hyphen 	
Oh, Yes. He's very handsome 	Oh, yes. He's very handsome 	Lowercase 	
the blood ward protected pudding 	the blood-ward-protected pudding 	Two hyphens 	
the cutest pure black kitten 	the cutest pure-black kitten 	Hyphen 	
You're most welcome, Heiress Black. 	You're most welcome, Heiress Black." 	Add closing quote 	
"Hey Alex. Happy Birthday!" 	"Hey Alex. Happy birthday!" 	Lowercase 	
isn't really from me. She held up 	isn't really from me." She held up 	Add closing quote 	
sized gift. It's from my lord. 	sized gift. "It's from my lord. 	Add opening quote 	
Luna towards the black library 	Luna towards the Black Library 	Capitalize 	
Lord Slytherin was a half blood 	Lord Slytherin was a half-blood 	Hyphen 	
courtship jewellery… something. 	courtship jewellery… something." 	Add closing quote 	
happy birthday, lead by Lady Potter 	happy birthday, led by Lady Potter 	Typo 	
family is going to ostracised 	family is going to be ostracised 	Missing word 	
Mmmhmm.. And guess 	Mmmhmm… And guess 	Replace two periods with ellipses	
"… You don't mean?" 	"…You don't mean?" 	Remove space 	
"… I suppose." 	"…I suppose." 	Remove space 	
The adult's eyes widened 	The adults' eyes widened 	Move apostrophe 	
with her silvery gray stare 	with her silvery-grey stare 	Hyphen, and typo in "grey" 	
Shhhh…Alex, there's nothing 	Shhhh… Alex, there's nothing 	Space 	
with shoulder length red hair 	with shoulder-length red hair 	Hyphen 	
the high quality survivors 	the high-quality survivors 	Hyphen 	
The red haired girl stood 	The red-haired girl stood 	Hyphen 	
past eccentric, and into full on insane 	past eccentric, and into full-on insane 	Hyphen 	
posed by first generation magicals 	posed by first-generation magicals 	Hyphen 	
super secret motivational technique 	super-secret motivational technique 	Hyphen 	
and greeted the Potter Heir 	and greeted the Potter heir 	Lowercase