Transcripts 2001-07

Transcripts from July 2001 strips.
==July 2==
Panel 1Unknown canine is panicking at a goldfish leaping from its bowl.Caption: Coming up next: WHEN GOLDFISH ATTACK!Panel 2Static making a "PIZZ" sound.Tin-Head: The hell...Panel 3Extreme close-up of Sticks's eyes and nose viewed through Tin-Head's GUI.Tin-Head: AAGGGGGGGGGGG! Whoh!Panel 4Sticks is frowning at Tin-Head's head, which he is holding in his hands to talk to him. Sticks's sunglasses are balanced on his head. Tin-Head is scowling back at Sticks. Some boxes, one with "E11" and an up arrow on it, are visible on the shelf behind them.Tin-Head: Oh it's YOU! God, no matter what you wear you still look like a member of the Village People! Well plug me back in you fudge packer, I was watching that!Sticks: No, Tessa told me to come and get you as we're doing a runner from the station! However I can't see the need for a bot with a suppository shaped head for an escape!
==July 6==
Panel 1Close-up of Tin-Head, facing left and looking cross.Tin-Head: Okay, okay! I'll take back what I said about your creator, would that make you happy?Off-panel (Sticks): Maybe.Panel 2Sticks and Tin-Head are walking down a hall. Tin-Head's head is on backwards, and he is very cross about it. Sticks has put his sunglasses back on and is looking at Tin-Head over his shoulder, his body mostly covered by his own word balloon.Tin-Head: Okay I'll take it back! Now put my head back on the right way round!Sticks: Maybe later. We had better keep moving anyway.Panel 3Tin-Head looks down. Sticks's tail is barely in the panel.Tin-Head: You're a bastard Sticks do you know that? Do you know how hard it is to walk backwa...Panel 4Tin-Head looks back up at Sticks, looking aghast.Tin-Head: HAY! WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME MY ARSE WAS SO BIG!would have been a Star Wars reference but that was too awkwardSticks: Well I think the "wide load" plate Tessa gave you was a hint.Footer textAuthors note: Sorry that this one looks awful. It was a rush job as I spilt coffee over the first one.
==July 9==
Panel 1Gates is cross-eyed from anger. The Oracle floats behind Gates.Gates: AAAHHHGGG! That's ANOTHER droid down! Doesn't she realise how much those things COST!?! This isn't working... send the drones in!Oracle: Agreed! She might be a bit more reluctant to shoot a biological opponent over a mechanical one!Panel 2Tessa is giddily, viciously firing the Black Rose with reddish splatter bursting toward her and getting on her face and armour. Signs for "AIRLOCKS" and "DOCKING CONTROL" are (barely) visible on the background wall.Tessa (thinking): ALRIGHT! Something soft and squishy to shoot at! God I LOVE the sound their skulls make when they pop!Off-panel (Oracle): ...or maybe not.
==July 13==
Panel 1Sticks and Tin-Head are looking down a hallway at 3/4 profile.Sticks: Damn these corridors all look alike! Tessa told me to take you to the passenger docks but I don't know where they are!Tin-Head: Don't look at me! The only time I've been to the docks I was in a crate! We're not supposed to be down here remember!Panel 2Sticks faces the camera. Tin-Head looks disappointed.Sticks: Well that's easy it fix! I'll just ask the main computer for help.Tin-Head: Oh anything but miss nympho!Sticks: Shush! Control, could you please upload a map of the lower decks to me?Control: Sure thing honey, anything for you dear! Processing...Panel 3Small, thin panel mostly showing Sticks's head as he realises something with a "*" notation.Panel 4Sticks: Um.. that's an ... interesting text file you've attached to that map, but you know I'm taken!Tin-Head: If I had a stomach I'd puke!Control: Aw! What does she have that I don't?Sticks: Well a large gun collection and a violently jealous and possessive nature for starters...
==July 16==
Panel 1A corridor leading to a single steel security door with retinal scanner panel to one side. A headless CORE soldier sits to the left side, with blood splattered all over the corridor.Off-panel (Tessa): Well, we're here Doc...Off-panel (Tessa): Open the door would you? I had all my clearance for the docking ring revoked by May-Tec.Panel 2Cook is looking down and covering his mouth with one hand in thought. Tessa's Black Rose is barely in the panel.Cook: I can't! The only people who had authority to open the airlocks to the docking ring were guards like our headless friend here! Jesus, an Inlay must have got him!Panel 3Tessa steps forward with a smug grin, aiming the Black Rose at the door. Cook panics and shouts at her.Tessa: Oh well, it's lucky for us that I have a key that'll open any door...Cook: NO! STOP!Cook: There's a vacuum behind that door! You know that the zero-G levels are depressurised when they're not being used! Do you really want to be turned inside out?!Panel 4Cook takes the same pose from panel 2, but at 3/4 profile.Cook: No, we have to get the computer to open the door... Humm it's an old retinal scanner so with an hour or two I could bypass it! That is if we can find a micro-electronics kit around here somewhere...Panel 5Tessa emotionlessly holds up the decapitated head of the CORE soldier to the retinal scanner. Cook, facing away, becomes confused, with "?" indicator.Scanner: BIZZZZZT BIZZZZZT! Access Granted!Panel 6Cook makes a face, sticking his tongue out. Tessa sneers over her shoulder at him.Cook: I can only think of one way you could've opened that door... God I'm going to throw up!Tessa: Well do it here and not on the ship! It'll stink forever like a mini-cab if you do!
==July 20==
Panel 1Cook is part-way through the door but turns to scold Tessa, who is staring back down the corridor.Cook: COME ON! What the hell are you waiting for?Tessa: My friends and unless you can fly that ship on your own you'll wait too!Panel 2The camera angles to show Tessa at one end of the corridor, Tin-Head and Sticks at the T-junction at the other end. Tin-Head is hiding part of his body behind the corner, and Sticks is waving.Tessa: Ah! There are my boys now! Alright fellas? Did you have any problems getting here?Sticks: Not really sweetheart. We had to ask central for a map but after that we pretty much followed the trail of destruction and entrails to find you!Panel 3Sticks gives a thumbs-up at himself.Off-panel (Tessa): Erm... What the hell is up with Tin-Head?Sticks: Oh I got a little distracted by him throwing obscenities at me so I wasn't concentrating when I put him back toget...Panel 4Sticks is startled, indicated by a large red exclamation point, as two bullets pierce his chest with a "BLAM! BLAM!" as his sunglasses rise up.Panel 5Extreme close-up of Tessa screaming in horror.STICKS!!!
==July 23==
Panel 1Sticks clutches his chest, gritting his teeth in anger as he slumps on the floor against the wall.Sticks: GRRRAHG! What happened Tessa? I don't understand! I... I...Off-panel (Tessa): Sticks, run a diagnostic for me... Oh God please don't die on me...Panel 2Off-panel (Sticks): My kernel is running at %100 with no power disruption but my lower motor CPU is timing out! I can't walk!Tessa: Oh thank God!... We can fix that Sticks, I'm coming to get you okay!Panel 3Gates appears in the junction, mostly silhouetted except for his eyes, mouth with toothy sneer, and right hand holding a gun.Gates: Actually if you want him to live I'd stay where you are!Gates: If you DO move then I'll put a slug in his head where his neural net is! Of course you will do as you're told though, as this machine is the only thing you care about isn't it Tessa? I do believe that you'd give your life for this thing! That's really touching you know... Sad and pathetic, but touching!
==July 13==
Panel 1Tessa is against the corner with Gates silhouetted in the junction behind her. Gates continues to sneer.Gates: Oh by the way, before you get any funny ideas about jumping around that corner with guns blazing, I WILL make a note of shooting your boyfriend as soon as I see your mug!Tessa (thinking): Cocky bastard! Don't you worry, you'll get yours and it'll be fucking painful too... but where HAVE I heard that damn voice before?Panel 2Cook screams at Tessa, spitting and shaking with sweat while gesticulating with his fist in frustration. Tessa ignores him, ears flattened and body positioned so as to easily turn the corner and fire when ready.Cook: What the FUCK are you DOING!?! It's a fucking MACHINE for crying out loud! Hell, I'll BUY you a new boyfriend if we go now!Panel 3Tessa glares angrily in Gates's direction, shouting. Sticks is slumped in the background, his upper body and head covered by Tessa's word balloon.Tessa: No he's more than that now... You know full well that AIs can develop personalities and emotions over time. Most of the time these aren't desirable and often dangerous, the so-called "Nexus syndrome". The neural net "blocks" stop this by keeping them dumb. I first acquired Sticks in a poker game and tried to sell him. At first though he was kinda boring with no personality so I took the blocks out and spent a lot of time with him to make him more interesting so I could sell him for more... I know it's illegal but I left the blocks out even when he started to flirt with me...Panel 4Gates, still silhouetted, makes a disgusted face.Gates: However interesting your sex life might be I'm not famed for my patience! So this is what we're going to do:Gates: I'm going to talk and you are going to listen. Fuck me about in any way and lover boy dies!
==July 30==
Panel 1Close-up of Gates, still silhouetted. Mouth not visible.Gates: Do you think all this just suddenly happened? Do you think that events leading up to this moment are coincidental or irrelevant? Fuck, do you have ANY idea how much preparation generating chaos initials? How much planning an Anarchist movement needed? Of course you don't! You have NO IDEA! ... but I'll bet you can see the irony when I tell you I've been pulling the strings of people and governments for the past 600 years! To remove the conspirators I've hated all my life I became one myself, setting up the most glorious day in history! With the Inglorious I could travel to wherever and whenever I liked and manipulate events to my favour. Wars, elections, Wall-Street crashes... all geared to serve the vision of chaos! Each new US president was more retarded and more nationalistic then the last while Europe was ruled by ever wetter liberals and Africa and the East becoming ever more fascist or corrupt... Just cause a global economic crash and you have one massive anti-capitalist movement that gave me power over half the planet! The great thing was I could blame the still capitalist Americans for all the poverty and turn them into the bogeyman. No one liked them anyway so that wasn't hard and a US attack on Cuba gave me even more support...Panel 2Tessa stares into nothing, stunned.Off-panel (Gates): But I needed the Wildfire to build the Inglorious to do all this... that's where the lynchpin of 600 years of hard work comes into play! The person that gave me the Wildfire! A Core officer called Tessa Edwards!Tessa: !
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