Hoarse Hoopla

This is the 46th episode of Hoopla's Fantastic Beach, and the 7th episode of season 4.
==Transcript==
(The episode begins with Hoopla hanging out with Boopla and Carl at Hoopla’s house)
Boopla: So Hoopla, I have a proposal.
Hoopla: Yeah?
Boopla: I bet that you can’t spoon (holds up a small jar of cinnamon) all this in one sitting.
Hoopla: (taking the jar) Bet. And what if I lose?
Boopla: You can’t say HOOPLA for an entire day.
Hoopla: Challenge accepted.
Carl: Hey, what if he wins?
Boopla: Shh!! (quietly) It’s scientifically proven to be impossible. You know I’m a scam artist.
Carl: Ahh, I see.
Hoopla: What are you two talking about?
Boopla: (to Carl, still quiet) Don’t.
Carl: (nervous) Uh! Uhm- er…we’re looking at por-
Boopla: NOTHING! 
Carl: I thought it would be better than to tell the truth.
Boopla: (to Hoopla) Just mind us, Hoopla. Go ahead and do the thing.
Hoopla: Okey-dokey then.
Boopla: Please never say that again.
(Hoopla promptly chugs the entire jar into his mouth and swallows)
Carl: Jesus, man.
Boopla: So… how do you feel?
Hoopla: Fine so far-
(Hoopla’s face then suddenly goes completely red, and he starts coughing)
Boopla: Hahaha, this is so rich.
Hoopla: (weakly) I feel poor!
Carl: Keep going!
Hoopla: I… (stumbles to the floor) can’t!
Boopla: Pff, welp. Looks like you lost the bet.
Hoopla: (cough) Aw, what the hoopl-
Boopla: Stop right there. No Hooplaing.
Hoopla: (begging) Wait a minute, come on Boopla, do I have to?
Boopla: It’s the rules of the bet. You lost a bet, you have to do what I said. 
Hoopla: Well…I mean…what’s stopping me from not listening to you?
(Hoopla sees Boopla has a pair of nunchucks in his hands)
Hoopla: Point taken.
Carl: How hard could it really be? It’s just one word.
Hoopla: It’s not just a word. It’s my own identity. A tradition passed from generation to generation. Do you realize how big of a deal this is?! 
Boopla: You could try replacing it with another word.
Hoopla: Hm, let me check…..(grabs a dictionary and opens a random page) Ah, this one could work! “Necrophilia.”
(Cut to a scene from the Krusty Krab Training Video)
Narrator: Sounds like a lot of-
Hoopla: NECROPHILIA!
(Cut back)
Boopla: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOPE. TRY AGAIN.
Hoopla: Hm, how about……petunia?
Boopla: Too feminine. Try again.
Hoopla: Come on, why can’t I break gender stereotypes by expressing femininity?
Boopla: Quiet. You’re sounding like a liberal.
Hoopla: Okay, fine, Jesus. Back to the dictionary. Well… What about… “Incest?”
Boopla: Okay, what dictionary are you even looking at right now???
(Boopla checks the dictionary Hoopla is reading; it is called “The Dictionary Of Profanities”)
Boopla: Where did you get this?
Hoopla: Some naked homeless man gave it to me on the street.
Carl: Ohh, jeez, this is really pushing the episode’s age ratings…we should move on from this…
Boopla: The age rating is just a number.
Hoopla: Besides Carl, it’s only fun when I pretend we’re on a TV show. Don’t steal my jokes.
Carl: Sorry…
Boopla: Welp. I don’t think you’ll be coming up with any replacement words, Hoopla. You’ll have to deal with the tough world out there. That’s life.
Hoopla: Why do you want me to stop saying hoo- I mean that word anyway?
Boopla: I just like being an asshole sometimes.
(Cut to later on, when Boopla and Carl leave Hoopla’s house. Afterwards, Hoopla heads to the park.)
Hoopla: Maybe a nice walk in the park will make me forget all my problems. My life's meant to be perfect, after all. This is all but a small hoopl- I mean hiccup.
(Hoopla hears someone hiccup)
Hoopla: BE PERFECT!
(Everyone at the park stares at Hoopla, judgingly)
Hoopla: NO! JUDGEMENTAL EYES! THIS IS NOT THE JOYFUL PERFECTION AND PRAISE I WAS LOOKING FOR!
Person: Hey, will you quiet down- wait a second, you’re that cool Hoopla person! Say the line!
Hoopla: Well, er, there’s a problem with that…
Person 2: It’s because he’s racist. No wonder he’s so loud over here.
Hoopla: Huh?
Person: The famous Hoopla? Racist? Ha! What are you talking about?
Person 2: He was just at the mall, spouting how “these people are a bunch of hoopla” and “these other folks are also just plain hoopla” and such. He was hating on everyone!
Person: How’d you know it was him?
Person 2: He was saying his “HOOPLA” line. No one else says it but him.
Hoopla: But that couldn’t have been me! I’m a nice person! And I just came out of my house!
Person 2: No one else says hoopla around here but you.
Hoopla: Could the failure of my beg really spread that fast? Someone’s taking advantage of the fact that I can’t say hoo- erm, my catchphrase- in order to impersonate me! Guys, they’re ruining my reputation!
Person: I don’t know… do you have any evidence?
Hoopla: Uhh-
Person 2: Come back here with evidence, until then, guilty till proven innocent.
Hoopla: Guilty till- huh?! What’s wrong with you?!
Person 2: See? He really is racist!
Hoopla: NO! NO I AM NOT!
Person: Yeah I ain't believing ya.
Hoopla: I can’t even say my name! I’m the one being discriminated against!
Person 2: Why don’t you just say it?
Hoopla: I lost a bet for crying out loud!
Person: loser
Person 2: Look, let’s just go.
Hoopla: WAIT! Did you say you saw me in a mall?
Person 2: Yeah.
Hoopla: What mall?
Person 2: My Mom Mall.
Hoopla: Okay, I’m really going to need to speak to the person who names places around here. Time to find this impostor...
Person: You don’t think the name of the mall is funny? Weirdo.
(Cut to Hoopla entering the My Mom Mall.)
Hoopla: Alright, I think this is the place. That guy must be among us.
(Suddenly, Hoopla sees Simon in the distance)
Simon: (talking to someone) You know, I helped name this very mall-
Hoopla: Yo Simon!
Simon: Oh, Hoopla! Good to see you here…..again. Say, what was up with you earlier? Why did you start insulting all kinds of people? Those racial slurs were pretty hardcore.
Hoopla: That wasn’t me! You see, I lost a bet with Carl and Boopla, and I can no longer say my name…..
Simon: That’s a pretty lame excuse, Hoop. You know, you should just own up to your mistakes instead of lying like this.
Hoopla: I’m not lying! Apparently, since then, an impostor has been trying to impersonate me!
Simon: Sounds kind of sus. We should track him down!
Hoopla: Huh, so you believe me now?
Simon: It’s still pretty sus, but either way this could really hurt my charity with your face all over it. We need to stop this guy.
Hoopla: But where could he be? The air vents?
Simon: Don't be silly, impostors would never be in air vents.
(Meanwhile, in the air vents)
Impostor: Lol
(Cut back to Hoopla and Simon)
Simon: Though I guess that would explain all of the vent banging noises I have been hearing lately. I just assumed it was the adult store next door to the mall’s Pizza Castle.
Hoopla: They do good stuff.
Simon: The adult store or the Pizza Castle?
Hoopla: The Pizza Castle, duh. Anyway we really need to find this impostor.
Simon: Who do you think it is?
Hoopla: I have no idea. I’m pretty sure Alpooh doesn’t hold a grudge with me anymore. The only other person people could mistake for me is some member from the Oopla-Tribe, but I’m on good terms with them. Though, I haven’t seen them in a while. Where could they be-
Simon: Pondering isn’t gonna get us anywhere. It’s time to take action.
(Cut to Hoopla and Simon standing around in the mall’s food court handing out flyers to anyone who passes by.)
Simon: Impostor! We’re looking for an impostor!
Hoopla: They look kinda like me and they’ve been going around saying not very nice things!
Passerby: Hey! It’s that guy who’s been going around saying not very nice things!
Hoopla: Really?! Where?!
(The passerby slaps Hoopla in the face.)
Hoopla: Ouch! What the heck was that for?
Passerby 2: Let’s get him!
(The shoppers begin pelting their food at Hoopla.)
Hoopla: OW! WHAT THE ACTUAL F-
Simon: Heh, okay Hoopla maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.
Passerby 3: HOW DARE YOU SAY NEMATODES AREN’T REAL PEOPLE!
Passerby 4: MY HUSBAND IS HALF-NEMATODE AND HE’S THE NICEST GUY I’VE EVER MET!
Hoopla: Yeah, let’s- 
(A plate of food gets smashed against Hoopla’s head.)
Hoopla: -get out of here.
(Hoopla faints. Cut to Hoopla lying in a hospital bed. He wakes up.)
Hoopla: …ugh. What happened?
Dr. Gill Gilliam: Oh good, you’re awake.
Hoopla: Where am I?
Simon: You got knocked unconscious by that angry mob at the mall. Everything’s okay though, and the doctor says we can get going as soon as you feel up to it.
Dr. Gill Gilliam: Yep, just minor injuries. Hey, aren’t you that racist guy from the mall?
Hoopla: What? No, that’s not me I swear! I-
Dr. Gill Gilliam: HOW DARE YOU SCREAM SLURS IN PUBLIC THAT YOU CAN’T RECLAIM!
(Dr. Gill Gilliam picks up a computer monitor and aims it at Hoopla.)
Hoopla: NO DON’T-
(Cut to Hoopla and Simon walking along a sidewalk outside. Hoopla has a massive bandage around his forehead.)
Hoopla: I just don’t get it! Why would someone pretend to be me and say all these horrible things?
Simon: I guess people just like to be assholes sometimes.
Hoopla: Like Boopla! …wait, that’s it!
Simon: It is?
Hoopla: Boopla has all kinds of connections on the Black Market, right? Surely we can find this guy there!
Simon: The Black Market is a literal place?
Hoopla: Duh. Floor 69 of the Unnamed Hotel. I go there all the time to look at pictures of skeletons.
Simon: Neat.
(Cut to Simon and Hoopla going up the hotel elevator.)
Hoopla: Now, the Black Market is not the most friendly of places so, just like Prince George’s friends, you better watch out.
(The elevator door opens. A guard stands by the entrance of the Black Market.)
Guard: Name?
Hoopla: Hoo- I mean- um…
Simon: Hoopla.
Hoopla: Yeah. This guy’s with me.
Guard: (checks his list) You’re good. Not happy about what you’ve been saying about those nematodes though.
(The guard opens the door and lets the two in.)
Hoopla: That was close.
Simon: What do you mean?
Hoopla: If you’re not allowed in they apparently erase your memories Will Smith-style or something.
(A man in a trenchcoat approaches the two.)
Man: Zey, zchlong time no zee! Vould yew like to buy a copzy of ze communist manifezto?
Hoopla: For the last time, no. We need intel on a guy.
Man: Ah, then zou need Barrzy. Ze knows everybodzy. It’s zhe ztall just down here and on zhe left, yew can’t mizz it.
Hoopla: Thanks, man. Maybe try something new with your life, like capitalism or something…
Man: ZOU DARE INZULT MOTHER RUSSIA?! (pulls out minigun) I’LL HAVE ZOU KNOW I’ZE GOT ZHE DEATH ZENTENCE IN TWELVE COUNTRIEZ!
Simon: Hoopla. please, let’s make this quick!
(Hoopla and Simon dash down the stall’s until they find Barry’s.)
Simon: (panting) I, uh, think this is the one.
(The camera pans up to reveal a stall that appears to be selling canned drinks.)
Hoopla: …this one?
Simon: Must be.
(The two approach Barry.)
Hoopla: Heyyyyyyyyyyyyy, you, um… you Barry?
Barry: Ah! Barry’s my name, coke’s my game.
Simon: What’s your game?
Barry: Imported foreign Coca Cola. They don’t sell this stuff down on the beach. It’s so much better than what we get here! You wanna try some?
Hoopla: Actually, um, we’re trying to find this guy.
Barry: …I see. Fifty bucks and I can track down any fella you lads want.
Simon: FIFTY BUCKS?!
Barry: It’s called the Black Market for a reason. Would you prefer sixty bucks?
(Hoopla groans as he hands over the money. Barry quickly hides all his drinks and gets out a laptop.)
Barry: Good, good. Now, who we lookin’ for?
Hoopla: Guy. Probably male. Looks like me, sounds like me I assume. Last seen, uh… at the My Mom Mall I think?
Barry: Love that mall, love that mall.
(Barry does some typing on his laptop. He swings the screen around and shows Hoopla security camera footage of one of the Hoopla Knights yelling racial slurs.)
Barry: This guy?
Simon: Wow, you’re good.
Barry: Again, it’s called the Black Market for a reason.
Hoopla: Wait, is that… one of my fans?
Barry: One of the Hoopla Knights? Yeah, this guy’s a massive bigot. I’ve been stalking him a lot recently.
Simon: Well, time to shelve that Hoopla Knights advertisement.
Hoopla: That’s the guy people keep mistaking me for!
Barry: Well they won't mistake you for much longer.
Hoopla: Do you know where he is right now?
Barry: (typing on the computer) Hang on…
Simon: (whispering) This guy is creeping me out.
Hoopla: (whispering) He’s helping us, just go with it.
Barry: 11°35′0″N, 165°23′0″E
Hoopla: Wow.
Simon: Good. Enough spending time here, I wanna leave.
Barry: (shrugs) Fine by me. Go for it. See you… sometime.
Hoopla: Thanks a lot, bye!
(The two of them quickly leave and head for the Hoopla Knight’s location)
Hoopla: So, uh, Simon, are you good with coordinates by any chance?
Simon: I’d say good enough. (he pulls out a GPS and inserts the coordinates) This should do.
Hoopla: Is that even how GPS's work?
Simon: I honestly have no idea, I just got this from a flea market.
Hoopla: (looking at the screen) Looks like some sort of condo. Ain’t too far away. Let’s get there before he heads anywhere else. Simon, do you have a car or anything we can drive in to get us there fast?
Simon: What do you think I am, homeless? Of course I have a car… it’s just all the way back in my garage.
Narrator: One trip to Simon’s garage later…
Simon: That was a lot of walking.
Hoopla: (sweating) This… is why I’m not a sports person. Well that’s enough buildup, let’s catch this sucker.
(The two of them hop into Simon’s car and speed into the distance. Cut to them arriving at the Hoopla Knight’s location, the condo)
Hoopla: We’re here! It’s confrontation time!
Simon: Indeed.
(Hoopla angrily knocks on the door; nobody answers)
Hoopla: I SWEAR TO NEPTUNE IF YOU DON’T OPEN THIS DOOR-
(The door suddenly opens, and the Hoopla Knight is on the other side of it)
Hoopla Knight: Hello? Wait, you aren’t mom. (gasps) OH MY GOD IT’S HIM AGAIN!
Hoopla: Yeah, and I want to have a word with you.
(In the background, Simon is calling the cops)
Hoopla: What you did at the mall today was… DETHPICABLE!
Hoopla Knight: Yeah? And?
Hoopla: Well, uh, hm. I didn’t think I’d get this far. I guess you should…apologize to me?
Hoopla Knight: Apologize?! To you?! After you abandoned me and left me to that…that…Alpooh?!
Hoopla: And you said racial slurs! I heard what you said. That was a very disrespectful thing to say.
Hoopla Knight: I was just following advice Alpooh gave me.
Hoopla: …Of course. I’m gonna need to speak with him if he wants to stay a free man.
Hoopla Knight: The other two Hoopla Knights still think he’s you. After I realized who he truly was, I decided to get back at you. I looked up to you…we looked up to you…and this is how you treat who loves you.
Hoopla: Wait hold on, you’re in love with me?
Hoopla Knight: What? No! Not like that! What I’m saying is, you need to treat people that like you better. With… respect.
Hoopla: Respect?
Hoopla Knight: Well duh.
Hoopla: Huh. Maybe. I guess.
Hoopla Knight: Yeah, now if you’ll excuse me-
Police officer: Excuse me, are you Harvey Barney?
Hoopla Knight: Uhh… yeah?
Police officer: (putting handcuffs around Harvey) You are under arrest for impersonation and slurs!
Hoopla: HARVEY?! YOUR NAME IS HARVEY… BARNEY?! (laughs)
Simon: And your name is Hoopla.
Hoopla: Let’s not talk about this.
Harvey: (to officer) WHAT?! BUT SLURS AREN’T ILLEGAL!
Police officer: Tell it to the judge… Harvey Barney. (snickers)
Harvey: What’s so funny?!
Police officer: Ask it to the judge, mister. 
(The officer shoves Harvey into his police car and drives off)
Simon: I used to have a very great friend in Rome named Harvey Barney. It’s a shame really, shame.
Hoopla: Welp, all’s well that ends well, right? I’m going back home, see you Simon.
(Simon waves as he gets in his car and drives back home)
Hoopla: Wait…
Narrator: One long walk back home later…
(Hoopla is now at the front of his beach house)
Hoopla: Phew. I’m exhausted. I’m gonna take a snoozer.
Narrator: The next morning…
(The scene then cuts to Hoopla in the same room with Carl and Boopla as yesterday)
Hoopla: At long last, I can finally say it… HOOPLA!
(The other two laugh hysterically)
Boopla: Dude, that was incredible. Everyone thought you said slurs! That’s hilarious!
Carl: You know there was nothing actually stopping you from saying “Hoopla” yesterday.
Hoopla: I take threats very seriously. There’s still just one thing I don’t understand though… why did they think it was ME of all people saying all those things? I mean I don’t like to toot my own horn but I’ve literally saved the world several times! 
Boopla: Maybe they thought it was you because… well… I dunno, just a guess but… maybe it’s because you’re kinda… sorta…
Hoopla: Uh-huh?
Boopla: …maybe it’s because you’re a jerk?
Carl: Yeah, Hoopla, I like you, but he’s right. You can be one sometimes. Like the other day when I helped you buy this very house, you weren’t the nicest to me.
Hoopla: Huh… well, no one really told me…
Carl: People aren’t meant to tell you to act nice, you’re supposed to do that automatically. I know you mean well, considering how you’ve saved the world, you just need to act it out in a better way.
Hoopla: Thanks. I want my life to be perfect perfect. Being nice is the only way.
Carl: That’s the spirit.
Hoopla: Also Boopla you cannot comment here considering you caused this whole scenario.
Boopla: Get trolled hehehehehhehehehe-
(The episode ends with Boopla having a large grin on his face, while Hoopla and Carl look at each other with a blank expression.)
Category:HFB
Category:Episodes
Category:Episode transcripts
Category:2022
Category:2022 Episodes
Category:2022 Transcripts
Category:FireMatch
Category:Episodes written by FireMatch
Category:CrazySponge
Category:Episodes written by CrazySponge
Category:PrimitiveSponge129
Category:Episodes written by PrimitiveSponge129
Category:Thatjess
Category:Episodes written by Thatjess
Category:Transcripts
Category:Box Productions
Category:2020s
Category:Episodes written by CartoonGuy277