Two Scoundrels in Endless Magic

Two Scoundrels in Endless Magic (also shortened to Scoundrels, or Endless Magic) is a play in the colkinom universe, written by Tobias Wingmercy. It is known as Wingmercy's darkest play.
== Summary ==
A pauper and a noble-man hear of the death of a rich baron. The pauper wishes to steal valuables from the castle of the dead man, while the nobleman wants to find the man's son and convince him to sign over the castle. In the castle, however, they find the baron's corpse clutching a note saying that the castle is cursed with endless magic. They disregard it and start to investigate the castle, only to attempt to kill each other out of jealousy, upon which they realise that the 'endless magic' means that they cannot die.
== Act 1 ==
The baron Scollfyld is dead. His son, Gregory, is to visit his castle the next morning to collect his belongings. Two people are especially interested by this - the nobleman Sir Lowthe, who recieves the news while in his magnificent home, and Josian, a pauper and thief, who lives on the streets. Lowthe schemes to convince Gregory to give him the castle in exchange for paltry farmland, while Josian wants to steal valuables from Scollfyld's home and rise from the gutters, getting revenge on the world.
The two seperately head to the castle, with Lowthe entering through the lowest window after cutting the wrought-iron gate open with his sword, and Josian entering through a sewage pipe and into the basement. Lowthe sets up camp in the kitchen to wait for Gregory, speculating on the odd atmosphere and grandness of the castle, while Josian investigates and finds Scollfyld's corpse in bed. He looks oddly peaceful, and she finds a note in his hands, declaring that the castle is cursed with 'endless magic' that will keep his spirit alive for a thousand years.
Josian heads downstairs to the kitchen, and in shock, Lowthe stabs and kills her. He is unaffected by this, but takes the note, reads it, and goes upstairs to steal one of Scollfyld's shirts to replace his own, which is now bloodstained. However, Josian comes back to life and when Lowthe sees her on the stairs, he panics and falls down the staircase to his death. Josian then realises that Scollfyld's curse backfired and that, contrary to the note, his spirit is keeping them alive. The scene ends with her walking to the cellar to get herself a drink as Lowthe's twisted body sits up.
== Act 2 ==
In the cellar, Josian is drinking to steel her nerves, and plans to flee the castle with enough gold to get her back on her feet, as opposed to her previous plan of making herself filthy rich. However, as she exits the cellar, Lowthe appears and tries to stab her again. She breaks a barrel over his head, fracturing his skull, and she runs to find gold. Enraged upon awakening, Lowthe grabs another barrel of alcohol and drops it upon Josian from the stairs as she passes beneath. This does not kill her, and she taunts him in great pain, so he grabs a torch and sets her ablaze.
Lowthe enters the kitchen once more and barricades himself inside, fearing Josian's wrath. Josian does not care to get revenge on him, and continues to look for gold, investigating the library. It is revealed that she is very intelligent, contradicted by her 'common' appearance and speech, and that she had lost her family fortune to a scoundrel. She finds a hidden trove of jewels and stuffs her bag with them, only to find that the doors to the house have been locked.
Scollfyld's ghost appears to her and tells her that no scoundrels will leave alive, and that both she and Lowthe are thieves. Terrified of ghosts, Josian takes a sharp gemstone and slits her own throat, only to remain between life and death for an excruciatingly long time before dying, having a bizzare dream about being seduced by witches and cut into pieces, and being revived.
When she awakens, she finds that Lowthe has dragged her body to the castle bathing room and trapped her inside. He reveals that he is the one who ruined her life, stealing her parents' estate, and leaves to wait for Gregory.
== Act 3 ==
Lowthe is waiting for Gregory, armed with his sword, as well as a variety of knives. He claims that he will ruin Gregory's life as it is his duty - he was born in the gutter and wishes to rise to the top, and that he is getting revenge on the world, similar to Josian being born at the top and sinking to the gutter. He hears a noise and believes that it is Gregory, only for it to be a hallucination of his deceased mother, who attempts to kill him while calling him a scoundrel. He attempts to kill her back, only to be impaled on numerous knives.
As he comes back to life, he decides that the castle does not matter, he is financially secure, all that matters is ruining the rich Gregory, admitting that it is due to bitterness as Gregory has done nothing to him personally. He decides to set fire to the castle using the alcohol in the cellar, then move to Scotland. 
However, as he opens the cellar door, Josian comes bounding up the steps and punches him hard in the throat, hard enough to crush his windpipe. In his final moments, he asks how she escaped the bathroom, and she says that she performed the gruesome task of cutting off her toes, then feet, then legs, and so on so forth, delivering each piece through the pipes until her entire body (except for her right hand) was in the cesspool below the castle. Then she came back to life in one piece (again, sans right hand) and clawed her way into to the cellar.
Lowthe dies, but quickly recovers, and both are enraged at the persistence and evil of the other. A scene of incredible carnage ensues - Lowthe and Josian pursue each other around the castle, killing and maiming each other a total of no less than six times each, in comical quick succession. Finally, Josian encounters Lowthe on the castle balcony, and he attempts to stab her again, only for her to sidestep him. He falls from the balcony and is fatally impaled on the wrought-iron fence. As he is not in the castle, he dies for real. Josian sees Scollfyld's ghost and is driven to insanity, the scene ending with her threatening suicide. 
In the final scene, Gregory enters the castle, and is apalled at the mess. He wonders if 'scoundrels' broke in. As he wonders, Josian's corpse falls from above. Scollfyld's ghost, revealing himself to be the narrator, says that since Gregory had arrived, and he had inherited the castle, it was no longer Scollfyld's, and so the curse was no longer in effect. He then says that both Lowthe and Josian were the same animal, like a two-headed snake, and that if the whole world was scoundrels like them, it would eat itself alive.
== Trivia ==
* It is censored in most modern versions, due to its graphic content.
* In its first showing, Wingmercy spent obscene amounts of money on sacks and pig's bladders full of blood to give the stabbing a more 'realistic' look.
Category:In universe
Category:Theatre