Transcript:A New Phil

The following page is a transcript for the BABYSITTER episode, A New Phil (full episode).
==Cast==
*Peyton List as Madison
*Kyle Massey as Samuel
*Nausheen Ali as Babusha
*Andrew McNee as Matthew
*Mark Galla as Phil
*Graham Cameron as Million Bucks Bill
*Kevin Chamberlin as "Fake" Phil
*Unknown as Receptionist
*Unknown as Burglar
*Mia Talerico as Little Girl
*Unknown as Little Girl's mom
==Transcript==
HOTEL ROOM
Babushka: [With pom-poms] Give me a B! Give me an A! Give me another B! Give me a U! Give me an S! Give me a H! Give me a K! Give me an A! What does that spell? Babushka!
Samuel: Give me an S! Give me a H! Give me a U! Give me a T! Give me another U! Give me a P! What does that spell?
Babushka: Actually, I don’t know. 
Samuel: It spells “Shut Up”! 
Babushka: [Rolls eyes]
Madison: [Comes rushing down the stairs and flops on the couch. She turns on the TV] Okay, everybody be quiet!
Babushka: Why, what’s wrong?
Madison: It’s this new television program. It’s about all these updates on these new TV shows and webcasts. I hope my one is on it!
Phil: [Opens door with a different appearance] I’m home!
Samuel: Who are you?
Phil: I’m Phil!
Samuel: I know you are but where is Phil?
[Theme song] 
Phil: I’m Phil. You know the Phil that you know and supposedly love? 
Babushka: Did Phil bring you up or something? Because you are not the Phil we know and supposedly not love.
Matthew: [Enters room] Hey guys!
EVERYONE: Hey!
Madison: Where’s Boo, Boo?
Matthew: In the sink, taking a bath.
Boo, Boo: [Shown taking a bath]
EVERYONE: [Laughs]
Matthew: Yeah, look at him, just sitting there and not even splashing!
Boo, Boo: [Splashes water in Matthew’s face]
Matthew: So I’ve heard.
Babushka: Um, if you don’t mind me, I’m going to go and practice my cheerleading routine. Go team! Go, go, go team! Go, go, go team! Go, go, go, go, go team! [Bangs two pompoms together causing pain]
Madison: Oh my god! Shut up! It’s about my webcast! It’s about my webcast! Shhhhhh!
News Reporter: [On TV] It turns out that the new web show, “The Madison Show” has been canceled. It turns out that a few weeks ago, Madison filmed her so called “family” cleaning up, and then played Scruffy The Dog, which has been banned from TV for over ten years.
Madison: How was I supposed to know that Scruffy was banned? He’s adorable!
News Reporter: [On TV] Not only had her webcast has been canceled, but her whole website it shut down. This is a criminal defense, and the police is on their way right…now.
[Three large bangs]
Madison: [Screams] Um, if they come looking for me, tell them I moved to Australia. [runs away]
Police Officer: I’m looking for Madison. You know the one that’s starring in that new movie with Zac Efron? Madison Hutchens, the movie star.
Babushka: Look, my hands hurt.
Police Officer: Look-
Babushka: And we don’t know some “movie star” so just get out of here, alright?
Police Officer: Look, little girl-
Babushka: I’m NOT a little girl. I. Have. Lawyers.
Madison: [Enters room again] Hi there. I’m Madison from “The Madison Show”. My webcast got cancelled because I played Scruffy The Dog.
Police Officer: Why would they do that? Scruffy is adorable. Good day.
Madison: [Breathes a sigh of relief] 
SCHOOL: HALLWAY
Madison: Ugh, I can’t believe my web show got cancelled!
Samuel: You’re still on about that?
Madison: [Gives him a weird look]
Samuel: Sorry.
Babushka: Hey guys! Check out my new cheerleading uniform!
Samuel: Um, weren’t you wearing one yesterday?
Babushka: No, I actually stole that one. You know what makes this better? Because it has “BABUSHKA” on my back! [Turns around and shows Madison and Samuel]
Madison and Samuel: [Bursts out laughing]
Babushka: What’s so funny?
Madison: It spells “BABUSH”.
Babushka: [Yelps] I just got ripped off…
Phil: Hey guys!
Samuel: What are you doing here?
Phil: I’m the new substitute teacher here!
Madison: Substitute? Where is Phil anyway?
Phil: I am Phil!
Babushka: You don’t look like him.
[Students point and laugh at Babushka]
Babushka: WHAT?!
Phil: What are you talking about?
Madison: Take a look. [Hands Phil a mirror]
Phil: [Looks in mirror, screams and drops the mirror on the ground, shattering it into pieces]
Madison: Thanks a lot.
Phil: Look, I know I had plastic surgery to remove a mole yesterday, but they must’ve change my appearance.
Babushka: You got ripped off.
Phil: Exactly! You know what, after work today, I’m going to go down to that hospital and demand to change me back!
Babushka: And I got some demanding to do for myself. B.R.B. 
SCHOOL: PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE
Babushka: Hello, Miss Martinez. 
Miss Martinez: Hi Babushka!
Babushka: Can I ask you something?
Miss Martinez: [Nods]
Babushka: Why does it say “BABUSH” on my back?!
Miss Martinez: What do you mean?
Babushka: I asked for “BABUSHKA”, not “BABUSH”!
Miss Martinez: Well, on a cheerleading uniform, it can only hold a maximum of six characters.
Babushka: S…six characters?! Couldn’t you at least put “BUBBIE” instead?
Miss Martinez: What’s “Bubbie”?
Babushka: Well, all through pre-school-
Miss Martinez: Wasn’t that just recently?
Babushka: All my classmates used to call me “Bubbie”.
Miss Martinez: “Bubbie”?
Babushka: Yes, “Bubbie”.               
Miss Martinez: That sounds like what a baby would call a baby.
Babushka: So…can you fix the uniforms or not?!
Miss Martinez: Well, to be able to make new uniforms, I’m going to recycle yours. So hand it over.
Babushka: But…I’m not wearing any uniform under this.
Miss Martinez: I don’t care.
Babushka: [Reluctantly takes clothes off and is left in a singlet and underwear]
[Kids point and laugh at her]
Babushka: WHAT?!
HOSPITAL: RECEPTION
Phil: Hey there. 
Receptionist: Yes, may I help you?
Phil: Um, I had plastic surgery to remove a mole here yesterday and you must’ve changed my appearance.
Receptionist: You know I had plastic surgery when I was younger?
Phil: You don’t understand. My own family doesn’t even recognize me.
Receptionist: My own husband doesn’t even recognize me. Look. [Turns the computer on her desk to show a picture of a girl]
Phil: Whoa. Anyway, can you please change me back?
Receptionist: You know how much money that would cost?
Phil: How much?
Receptionist: One Million Dollars.
Phil: One Million Dollars? Just for the surgery?
Receptionist: Yep.
Phil: But I don’t have that kind of money.
Receptionist: I don’t care. If you don’t have the money, we can’t do that surgery. Sorry.
Phil: Wait, I’ll prove it. I’ll empty my pockets, see… [Pulls objects out as he says them] fourteen bucks, a stick of gum…and look a raisin! [Places raisin in his mouth, chews it and coughs it out] That is NOT a raisin!
Receptionist: I’m sorry. No money, no surgery.
Phil: Fine! You don’t get my fourteen bucks, or my stick of gum. [Picks up raisin off the ground and kisses it] It’s okay, little buddy. [Places raisin back in his pocket]
HOTEL ROOM
Matthew: Whoa, what happened to you? 
Babushka: It turns out that I wore my cheerleading outfit to school, but they spelt my name wrong so they had to recycle it.
Matthew: They had to recycle your uniform?
Babushka: Yep, but it’s worth it, because my new one says, “BUBBIE”.
Matthew: “Bubbie”?
Babushka: Well, all through pre-school-
Matthew: Wasn’t that just recently?
Babushka: All my classmates used to call me “Bubbie”.
Matthew: “Bubbie”?
Babushka: Yes, “Bubbie”.
Matthew: “Bubbie” sounds like what a baby would call a baby.
[Knock on the door]
 
Babushka: That must be it! [Opens door]
Delivery Guy: Delivery for “Bubbie”.
Babushka: That’s me! [Takes large box]
Delivery Guy: Are you sure you can carry that, little girl?
Babushka: I’m NOT a little girl. I. Have. Lawyers.
Delivery Guy: Um, here, have a raisin. [Hands Babushka a raisin]
Babushka: Thanks. [Shuts door] Wow, the delivery guy gave me a free raisin! [Places raisin in mouth, coughs it up and spits it out] That is NOT a raisin! I’ll just go and try on my new uniform.
Babushka: [Comes down stairs in a tight cheerleading uniform]
Matthew: [Laughs]
Babushka: It doesn’t matter if it’s tight, because it says “BUBBIE” on my back.
Matthew: It says “BABOON” actually.
Babushka: Ugh I got ripped off again! I’ll just practice. [Grabs pompoms] Go team! Go, go team! Go, go team! Go, go, go, go, go team! [Jumps in the air and lands in the splits painfully] 
Matthew: [Gasps]
Babushka: Aw, here comes the pain!
[Commercial break]
SCHOOL: HALLWAY
Madison and Samuel: [Talking to eachother]
Phil: Hey guys! Hey, where's Babushka?
Madison: She sent me this phone message this morning. [shows Phil the phone with a video message on it]
Babushka: [From phone] Hey, Mads. It's me. You might be wondering why I'm not in school today. I'm kind of in a tough situation. [Zooms out to show legs in the splits] Yeah, it hurt. Anyway, see you later. Bye!
Madison: [Turns phone off and places it in pocket]
Phil: Whoa. How did that happen?
Samuel: We have no idea.
Madison: So anyway, how did it go at the hospital?
Phil: Bad. It turns out I need a million dollars to change me back.
Madison: What?!
Samuel: I don't even have that money!
Madison: You seriously don't have the money?
Phil: No. Here, I'll empty out my pockets. [Takes money out of pocket] Forteen bucks-
Samuel: [Takes money] I'll take that!
Phil: [Takes gum out of pocket] A stick of gum-
Madison: [Takes gum] I'll take that!
Phil: [Takes raisin out of pocket] And a raisin!
[Phone beeps]
Madison: [Takes phone out of pocket and opens it to a video message]
Babushka: [From phone] Don't eat the raisin!
Madison: Babushka, what are you doing on my phone?
Babushka: [From phone] I'm just telling you...that isn't a raisin.
Madison: Bye!
Babushka: [From phone] No! Don't hang up on-
Madison: [Hangs Babushka up and places phone back in pocket]
Samuel: So...how are we going to get a million bucks for the surgery?
[Phone beeps]
Madison: [Takes phone out of pocket and opens up a video message] 
Babushka: [From phone] I know how you can get a million bucks!
Madison: What did I tell you about appearing on my phone?
Babushka: [From phone] No, seriously! It's "Million Bucks Bill". He can give you a million dollars whenever you want!
Phil, Madison and Samuel: [Cheers]
Babushka: [From phone] Just give him a call and he'll give you the money!
Madison: What's his phone number?
Babushka: [From phone] 1000000. 
Madison: Of course it is. Thanks Babushka! [Hangs up phone and dials Million Bucks Bill]
HOTEL ROOM
Million Bucks Bill: Where can I sit?
Phil: On the couch, there.
Million Bucks Bill: [Sits down on couch and the couch breaks] Sorry.
Phil: Aw! I just bought that for twenty bucks at the Trash N Treasure store!
Million Bucks Bill: What kind of money do you need?
Phil: Okay, so the other day I had plastic surgery to remove a mole, and the doctors changed my appearance!
Madison: And he needs a million dollars for the surgery.
Million Bucks Bill: Okay, I'll see what I got. [Leans over and opens brief case. He pulls put a stack of money]
Madison: [To Samuel] Wow; a big object coming out of a tiny brief case! Where have I seen that before?
Million Bucks Bill: [Places money on table]
Samuel: [Runs over and hugs the money]
Million Bucks Bill: Get me up, please. [Holds arms up so Madison and Phil could pull him up]
Madison and Phil: [Pulls Million Bucks Bill up] 
Million Bucks Bill: Thanks. But it's gonna cost you. [Rubs fingers together]
Phil: Here. [Takes raisin out of pocket] Have a raisin.
Million Bucks Bill: Don't mind if I do! [Chews raisin and swallows it]
Madison: [Gags]
Million Bucks Bill: That's actually pretty good.
Madison: [Gags more]
Million Bucks Bill: Good day to you all! [Walks towards door and gets stuck in the door frame] Um...a little help?
Madison: Okay, ready guys? [Places hands on Million Bucks Bill's back]
Phil and Samuel: [Nods and places hands on Million Bucks Bill's back]
Madison: One, two, three! 
Madison, Phil and Samuel: [Pushes Million Bucks Bill out of door]
[Door comes off]
Madison: [Picks up door] Thanks so much! Wait...we have enough money for the surgery! [Drops door on ground]
Phil: Let's go to the hospital! 
Samuel: [Picks up money and heads out the door]
Phil: What about the door?
Madison: Who cares? Come on! 
Phil and Madison: [Runs out door]
[A few seconds later after Madison, Phil and Samuel left]
Little Girl: [Points inside the hotel room] Open door!
Little Girl's Mom: Don't worry. Daddy's down the hall. That's called the people who live in this place can't be bothered to get the door fixed. Come on. [Pulls daughter away]
[A few seconds after the Little Girl and her mom leaves]
Burglar: [Jumps over door on the floor, runs to the fridge and starts eating a cheese cake]
Matthew: [Comes into room] Hey! 
Burglar: [Drops cheese cake on ground and raises his arms in surrender]
Matthew: That cheese cake was supposed to be for the kids!
Burglar: [Starts crying and whimpering]
Matthew: There, there. [Drags burglar to the phone whilst patting him] I'll call the police.
HOSPITAL: RECEPTION
Samuel: [Drops money on the counter]
Receptionist: So?
Phil: I have the money for the surgery! Can you do it now?
Receptionist: Fine. Come with me.
HOSPITAL: OPERATING ROOM
Receptionist: [To Phil] Lie down.
Phil: [Lies down] Okay, I'm lying down now.
Receptionist: Good. Now all I have to do is-
Babushka: [Comes wheeled in by doctors on a bed in a splits position] Hi guys. [Continues to get wheeled to the room next door] Bye guys.
Receptionist: Anyway, what I've done was put a little costume on you. I'm going to have to cut it off by using this... [holds up sharp scalpel]
Phil: [Gulps] Um...shouldn't you use some numb cream or something?
Receptionist: Don't worry, you won't feel a thing. [Places scalpel on Phil's forehead]
Madison: Oh, I can't look! [Places hands over eyes]
Receptionist: [Slowly cuts down the center of Phil's body, takes apart the "costume", revealing the proper Phil]
Phil: [Sits up as a normal appearance] Hi guys!
Madison and Samuel: Phil! [Both run up to hug him] It was you all along!
Phil: [Hugging them back] Yeah it was!
Madison: [To receptionist] Wait...this whole thing was a costume?
Receptionist: Maybe...
Samuel: But how did you get his voice to sound different?
Receptionist: I did a few tweeks to his voicebox.
Phil: [To Samuel and Madison] Come on; let's go home! [Stands up]
Madison: Wait...what about Babushka?
Samuel: Ehhh...she'll find her own way home.
Phil, Samuel and Madison: [Leaves the room still hugging each other]
HOTEL ROOM:
Phil, Samuel and Madison: [Still hugging each other as they enter the hotel room]
Matthew: Phil! You're back, man! 
Phil: I never left! [Un hugs Madison and Samuel]
Matthew: I missed you buddy! Ha ha ha! [Gives Phil uncomfortable shoulder bumps] Ha ha ha!
Babushka: [Walks slowly into room holding thighs]
Madison: Whoa, Babushka! How was it like getting your legs back to normal?
Babushka: Let me tell you; it wasn't easy...
[Flashback: HOSPITAL - OPERATING ROOM]
Doctors: [Trying to push Babushka's legs back to normal] 
Babushka: [Grunts] Come on! Keep pushing!
[Back from flashback: HOTEL ROOM]
Babushka: Yeah...it really hurt. So...Phil's back! Um...wow!
Madison: It actually turned out that the other guy was him all along.
Phil: Yeah, it's a miracle!
Madison: Well, there's only one way to settle this!
Samuel: What?
Madison: Party! [Turns on party music on the stereo]
EVERYONE: [Dances wildly to the music] 
Madison: Ready? 5, 6, 7, 8- 
EVERYONE: [Jumps up and lands in splits]
[At hospital]
EVERYONE: Aw, here comes the pain! 
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