Sports Ball-istic

This is the 21st episode of Hoopla's Fantastic Beach, and the 7th episode of season 2.
(Episode starts with Hoopla pondering back and forth)
Hoopla: Hmm...HooplaHub isn’t looking so well, I think I should change tactics.
(Hoopla calls up Boopla)
Hoopla: Heyyyy Boop-
Boopla: We cannot take anymore financial risks with you Hoopla! I cannot do anything else you ask. Too much money was lost from HooplaHub!
Hoopla: But...how am I gonna get support to win?
Boopla: Huh, fair point. I still want you to win, but I can’t interfere with you personally...I know! I’ll put you on hold. (calls Carl) Hey Carl!
Carl: Hey, dude… what do you want? Another loan?
Boopla: Well, remember Hoopla?
Carl: Uh, kinda? I haven’t seen him in like, 2 weeks.
Hoopla: (breaking into the conversation) 2 weeks? Don’t you mean 3? There’s only one week in this month!
Carl: Uh actually there’s two. Election Day is in one and a half weeks.
Hoopla: Well that makes it way less stressful!
Boopla: Um, back to what I was saying, I need you to do something for Hoopla. He needs a good manager to get him on the right course. And I know someone who’s had experience being one.
Carl: That’s me!
Boopla: Exactly. Uh.. I think you know where this is going.
Carl: You still owe me from last time I did you a huge favor like this.
Boopla: I thought I already repaid you the money.
Carl: No you didn’t. That was just chewed up green gum. Disgusting.
Boopla: Look, here’s the deal. If you don’t help Hoopla with his ads to become president, he doesn’t get the army to defeat aliens and we die.
Carl: Well that’s convincing. You got me.
Boopla: Well Hoopla, you got your manager. (hangs up)
Hoopla: I wonder when he’ll arrive-
Carl: Carl here, ready to manage your services!
Hoopla: I expected you to say “Hi, I’m Carl”, but that works too.
Carl: That line fell flat years ago. Anyway, what are you planning to do next?
Hoopla: Well, I need to get my President campaign up and running, and the VVR thing turned out terribly. So, besides games, what are people into these days?
Carl: It seems people really like sports.
Hoopla: People are only talking about that now because of the Duper Bowl. But, since it is popular, it could work. I guess you could be the team manager, and I can be the coach.
Carl: You expect me to make a sports team in only a few days?!
Hoopla: Remember, life or death.
Carl: Ugh, fine. But it’s gonna be hard to find an open stadium.
Hoopla: Hey I know one! The Bubble Bowl!
Carl: Isn’t that for human players?
Hoopla: It was originally, but people forgot about it so it’s available for fish now. 
Carl: Cool. Let’s get started I guess. Who should I get for the sports team?
Hoopla: I know a few people…
(The next day…)
Eel: Why am I here again?
Hoopla: You’re gonna play some sports.
Eel: But I like ice cream more.
Hoopla: Too bad. All the exits are closed. Besides, can’t you do something for an old pal?
Eel: I’ve only met you once at a birthday party, I don’t even remember your name. But I got nowhere else to go so...I guess I’m playing sports.
Hoopla: Now that’s the spirit!
Squidina: (reading a comic book) What’s the spirit?
Hoopla: Were you even paying attention? We’re here to play sports!
Squidina: Get me outta here!
Eel: He closed all the exits.
Hoopla: Nerds need to grow some muscle sometimes anyway.
Squidina: Hey!
Carl: Okay everyone, I’m your team manager. And I’m here to manage everyone here. Did that even make any sense?
Eel: I have no idea, I have selective hearing so I only heard the last sentence you spoke.
Carl: I’m gonna use my selective hearing to ignore you.
Tom: Hey um, I don’t think I’m in the best shape to play sports, so I should go.
Carl: You eat chocolate every day, that’s your own fault and you’re stuck here.
Eel: And the exits are blocked off.
Tom: What has my life become?
Scooter: A box of chocolates? Haw haw haw!
Hoopla: No one asked for your remark, Scooter. You’re not even on this team.
Scooter: What? Who could be better than me?
Gary: Meow.
Hoopla: Yeah, I’m not even sure where he came from. And now for our final team member…
???: I’m only doing this because it gets me out of jail for a while.
Hoopla: Welcome, Alpooh!
Alpooh: End my life already.
Hoopla: The only thing I have is a butter knife, that won't cut it… or anything.
Alpooh: Very funny.
Carl: Okay, enough puns. Let’s see who we’re going against.
???: (hearty laugh) There’s only one thing I love more than money. Just kidding, I love money most. But I'd still love to see you lose!
Hoopla: Mr. Krabs?!
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, that's me! Hey, aren't you the kid who interrupted my training video a while back?
Hoopla: Uhh… meow?
Carl: That’s- That’s-
Mr. Krabs: Oh, hello Carl. I see you’ve gone into other businesses now.
Carl: (gulp)
Mr. Krabs: Come on, let’s put the past aside.
Carl: But, you’re the best sports coach out there. Why us?
Mr. Krabs: To put it straight, I’m only doing this to make me self a quick buck! Argh Argh Argh! You losers won’t possibly beat me, see all these trophies I have? (pulls out picture) There’s a whole room full of them! You and your wee team can’t possibly get one.
Carl: Well- Uh- It’s worth a shot!
Mr. Krabs: Not like that shot’s ever gonna make the basket! Let me introduce my team now.
Carl: (gulps again)
Mr. Krabs: FIRST MEMBER!
Flats: I am gonna beat this other team. And after that, I’m gonna beat them up!
Mr. Krabs: SHUT UP YOU RUINED MY TEAM INTRODUCTION!
Flats: Why don’t I just beat you up too?
Mr. Krabs: WHAT?! You can’t do that, you’re on my team!
Flats: Oh yeah, that’s right. You win this round sweaty man.
Mr. Krabs: Well anyway, NEXT MEMBER!
Puffy Fluffy: (roars and turns giant)
Gary: MEOW! (he gets scared and runs away)
Carl: Thanks a lot, now we have one less team member.
Mr. Krabs: That means one less member to beat. Alright, come out number three!
Davy Jones: Hi, I’m Davy Jones.
Hoopla: That doesn’t look intimidatin-
Davy Jones: I WILL ERADICATE YOUR TEAM, AND THEN YOU WILL SPEND YOUR LAST REMAINING YEARS IN MY LOCKER!
Hoopla: (squeaky) uh, ok- ok-
Mr. Krabs: Two down, let’s show them number four!
The Fisherman: I will kill you and your family MUAHHAHAHA!
Hoopla: Dear god, why are there so many evil beings on your team?
Mr. Krabs: They do it for a lower price. They really just want to do evil rather than get money. And now, the last member on my team…
Dennis: Don’t even mention it. Time to crush these kiddies. Down to the bone.
Carl: Heh heh….
Mr. Krabs: You have five days till the big game. See you then. Argh Argh Argh! (fading) This will be a great story to tell me bob when he’s older.
Hoopla: Well you heard what he said! We start now! No breaks! 24 HOURS STRAIGHT PRACTICING!
Squidina: But I’ve never even stayed up past midnight before…
Hoopla: What a wimp. What a weenie.
Eel: This is very unhealthy.
Hoopla: This is very healthy. It’s sports!
Tom: Not if you do it for 24 hours. My leg is already cramping.
Hoopla: HIS LEG!
Carl: Ok time to figure this out. Hoopla can manage the team while I can manage...all the paperwork. And promotions. And deals. Ugh, it’s gonna be a long night.
Hoopla: Five long nights! HOOPLA!
(Day 1)
Squidina: Hey, didn’t you guys do a montage in the previous episode?
Hoopla: We gotta use the budget well, so we’re using it on all these special effects and not on the pacing.
Squidina: That’s dumb.
(The team practices while a bunch of corny special effects play)
Tom: (barely audible) Are these special effects really needed?!
Hoopla: ...What? I can’t hear you over the airhorns! Ooh, these can play the national anthem!
Tom: Ow, my ears!
Hoopla: AMERICA HAS NEVER BEEN AS PATRIOTIC! 
(Day 2)
Alpooh: I’m super confused. What the hell is the sport we’re playing?
Hoopla: Footkey. It’s American football and hockey combined.
Alpooh: How does that even work?
Hoopla: Well you have to make a touchdown by either throwing the ball or moving the puck into the small goal.
Alpooh: Well that is utterly stupid.
Squidina: Hey little red man, watch out!
Alpooh: Huh (puck hits his face) OUCH! (football hits his face) YEOUCH!
Eel: Don’t worry, I got it! (swings his stick into Alpooh’s face)
Alpooh: AAA-
(Day 3)
Alpooh: (now with bandages all over his face) Thanks a lot, guys. Now I can’t even see myself think.
Hoopla: You’re welcome! 
Tom: Should I be holding the stick this way or that way?
Hoopla: Hmm...maybe try holding it upside down.
Tom: Alright!
Eel: Hey Tom, there goes the ball!
Tom: (swings the stick) I got it!
(The ball flies into space)
Tom: Huh.
(Day 4)
Carl: Okay everyone, we’re obviously not getting anywhere. So let’s try harder, okay?
Hoopla: The ball’s hitting pretty hard so I think we’re doing great.
Carl: Ugh… 
Eel: I think I swallowed a puck.
Carl: Ugh…….
(Day 5)
Hoopla: This is our last day before the big game. We must be ultra prepared.
Tom: I haven’t slept in five days. I think I’m gonna die. (falls)
Eel: I got this! (lays on him and shocks him) CLEAR!
Tom: ZOINKS!
Squidina: Jeepers.
Hoopla: Let’s keep going, everyone! This game is gonna be big.
Tom: There’s absolutely no way we’re even gonna score one point.
Hoopla: Come on, there’s still time to practice. Here’s the puck.
Eel: I think the puck in my stomach is digesting.
Hoopla: And here’s the football.
Alpooh: Still stupid that we need two “balls” and four goals.
Hoopla: Alpooh, the magic shines bright when you see it in action. Just you wait.
(Game Day)
Hoopla: I guess I didn’t wait long enough. The day’s already here.
Carl: I STILL GOTTA DO THESE TAXES!!
Hoopla: Haven't you ever heard of tax evasion? It's easy.
Carl: I don’t think that’s legal…
Mr. Krabs: But it sure is fun!
Carl: Oh uh, hi!
Mr. Krabs: You may as well opt out right now.
Hoopla: Nope! We’re gonna win this!
Mr. Krabs: You're delusional.
Jasper: Settle down everyone, we need to have a professional game here.
Hoopla: Jasper? What are you doing here?
Jasper: I’m the referee. I call what’s right and what’s not.
Hoopla: Oh, this is gonna be so biased.
Jasper: (blows whistle) No trash talking the referee!
Hoopla: But that's not a rule- (whistle blows again)
Jasper: No complaining about the referee!
Hoopla: Well guys, you ready?
Hoopla’s Team: No, not at all.
Hoopla: Uh, good!
Jasper: Alrighty folks, this will start in a one, a two, a three, NOW! (blows whistle)
(The game starts, and Hoopla breaks his leg while running)
Hoopla: My leg!
Tom: I’m ashamed of you.
Squidina: I got it, I got it! (the ball gets kicked into her face) I… don’t got it.
Mr. Krabs: Argh argh argh. I told you you’d lose!
Hoopla: It’s only 10-0. We can still score 11 points.
Mr. Krabs: Fat chance, bub.
Dennis: You guys are gonna get roasted. (he literally sets the ball on fire and kicks it in the net, setting it on fire)
Hoopla: Haha, you can’t score if you don’t have a net to kick in.
Mr. Krabs: (puts up a new net) We can now.
Hoopla: o.
Davy Jones: There’s no way you’re gonna be able to dodge this! (He throws the ball at Tom, which bounces off him and into the net)
Tom: AAAAAAHHH!
Hoopla: Ok, that’s not good.
(Hoopla’s stick suddenly turns into dust)
Hoopla: Uhh, Eel?
Eel: Yes?
Hoopla: I’m gonna need to use your body as a stick.
Eel: I’m not sure if I’m ok with that-
Hoopla: Too late for you to respond. You’re stick now.
Mr. Krabs: Thirty seconds left on the clock! You haven’t even scored one point. Told ya. Argh argh argh.
Tom: Hey, since when was Gary here?
Hoopla: I thought he left.
(Gary appears with a wizard hat on, and uses wizardry to score Hoopla’s team 27 more points)
Mr. Krabs: (faints as Hoopla’s team celebrates)
Announcer: And that’s the game. And the winner is… Mr. Krabs’ team!
Mr. Krabs: (wakes up) Wait what?
Announcer: It turns out the scoring system isn’t official. Hey, who even came up with this scoring system anyway?
Hoopla: Uhhh…. (starts foaming at the mouth)
Carl: Dude, are you okay?
Hoopla: No, absolutely not. I lost… 
(Episode ends with a shot of Hoopla destroying the beach)
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