The Jensissance

This is the thirty-fifth episode of The SBFW Chronicles.
==Transcript==
Narrator: Ahh, it’s a lovely day on the SBFW Crib. Oh who am I fucking kidding, it’s never a lovely day on the SBFW Crib.
Granite: I just ate another burger while naked!
Dan: HOT!
CrazySponge: So Fortnite Chapter 3 just came out, and it’s INCREDIBLE!
SpongeBot: Yeah yeah no one cares CrazySponge, watching Boris Johnson is way funnier.
Aaron: Speaking of Boris Johnson, Ken Stringfellow turns me on.
(Aaron’s message gets 3 Jens reactions)
Aaron: WHAT? I’m just speaking the truth!
CrazySponge: YOU FAIL! FAILURE! F!
Aaron: L.
SpongeBot: You just admitted to being attracted to a sex offender, you don’t get to talk here.
Aaron: You don’t get to talk here, bozo. I can’t think of a valid comeback because I’m scared of you.
SpongeBot: HA! I WIN!
Aaron: No you do not. JUST YOU WAIT! (Posts an image of a pregnant Dream with the head of Ken Stringfellow plastered on top of it, which instantly gets deleted) 1984!!!
Cactus: Go outside for the love of god.
Aaron: I already went outside today.
Cactus: Go outside again.
Aaron: No.
Cactus: You’re a stubborn one, aren’t you?
Aaron: Yup.
SpongeBot: Figured.
Aaron: What’s wrong with being stubborn? I also fucked another cow. Hot damn I love fucking bovines.
(He instantly gets a bunch of Jens reactions, breaking the record)
Cactus: HOLY SMOKES! YOU BROKE THE JENS RECORD!
Aaron: I dread to imagine what the last record was.
Cactus: Like, seven.
SpongeBot: You’re right, holy smokes.
Aaron: Also, that was my 100 thousandth cow. I’m so proud of myself! MOO MOO MOTHERFUCKER!
(He gets even more Jens reactions for saying that; also the cow he fucked earlier is mooing in despair and dies)
Aaron: AW COME ON! IT’S NOT THAT BAD!
SpongeBot: Yes it is.
Aaron: Wait… why do I feel funny?
Cactus: Probably from fucking so many cows, amirite?
Aaron: No I’m serious, I actually do feel funny right now. It’s like a demon is inside my body right now.
Cactus: Might wanna get that checked out then.
Aaron: Yeah.
(Right after Aaron says this, he shits out a demon)
Aaron: Bro I just shat out a demon
Cactus: lmao you shit demons
Aaron: THIS IS SERIOUS! IT EVEN LOOKS LIKE THAT JENS GUY YOU GUYS KEEP ABUSING ME WITH!
SpongeBot: I wouldn’t really call it abuse.
Demon: HELLO AARON. MY NAME IS JENS. I HAVE COME FOR YOUR PICKLE.
Aaron: what
Jens: I mean… PREPARE FOR YOUR INEVITABLE DOOM!
Aaron: What are you gonna do, try to kill me?
Jens: No… but I will kill your heart.
Aaron: What are you gonna do, break up with me?
Jens: …no. I will kidnap your family, and turn them into a stir fry.
Aaron: 😋
Jens: JENS MOMENT! JENS MOMENT! JENS MOMENTO!
Aaron: Well your name is Jens after all…
Jens: I KNOW THAT! THAT IS OBVIOUS! Now if you excuse me, (he looks around) I have a family to roast. Literally.
Aaron: (waving happily) Good luck!
Jens: (scoffs) Stupid kid… I’ll show him! I’ll show them all! I’m tired of being used for people’s disgusting messages! I must take justice into my own hands!
Aaron’s mother: (yelling from the other room) Aaron, what the hell is going on here? Are you listening to that loud shit again?
Aaron: IT IS NOT LOUD SHIT! IT IS GOOD MUSIC!
Aaron’s mother: I don’t care if you think it’s good or not, turn it down!
Aaron: I’m not even putting it on-
(Just then, Aaron’s mother screams off-screen)
Aaron: Oh no. Jens got my mom. That stupid shit demon. I wish I didn’t shit demons.
(Meanwhile, in Aaron’s house’s kitchen, Jens has gathered all of his family members: his parents, his uncle he didn’t even know he had, and his brother)
Aaron: Wait.
Jens: What?
Aaron: What do you even want from me, man?
Jens: TO STOP BEING SO DISGUSTING!
Aaron: No.
Jens: Yes.
Aaron: No.
(silence)
Jens: Fuck you!
Aaron: That’s it. I’m saying the magic word. KEN STRINGFELLOW!
(Aaron turns Super Saiyan and beats Jens’ ass, leaving him even more disgruntled than he was before)
Jens: You… YOU! WHY?!
Aaron: You literally tried to cook my family, bro. That shit ain’t okay.
Jens: Fine, I’m sorry.
Aaron: Sorry is not good enough. BY THE POWER OF CHRIS CHAN… CURSE-KAME-YAME-HA!
(Aaron curse-kame-yame-has Jens out of existence)
Aaron: (wiping hands on his pants) Well that takes care of that.
Chris Chan: WHAT THE FUCK MAN! THAT MOVE IS TRADEMARKED BY ME!
(Aaron curse-kame-yame-has Chris Chan out of existence as well)
Aaron: Well that… also takes care of that. Now then… time to listen to more sex offenders!
(The episode ends with Aaron listening to the Posies while looking at a picture of another cow)
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