Best of the Worst/Transcript

The contestants are hanging out in a large room inside the lunar base.
Hearty: Hey, Americium! Isn’t it such a wonderful day?
Americium: Uh, yeah, i guess it is.
Hearty: You know, every single one of you non-meanies out there are SO wonderful! I mean Potted Plant, Liver, Lenny, Wallet, Bea-
Wallet: H-huh? Did somebody say my name?
Americium: Yeah, Hearty did.
Wallet: Okay, i guess i’ll be going no-
Wallet accidentally knocks over a blue plastic golf club.
Wallet: Hey, what was that?
Potted Plant: If i’m not mistaken, that’s….a golf club?
Lychee: OOH? A GOLF CLUB? LET ME HAVE IT!
Lychee runs over and snatches the golf club from the floor.
Lychee: Now, what do i do with this?
Beach Ball: Lychee, please do be careful. You could-
Lychee: AHAH! I got it!
Lychee walks over to where Sheep Cheese Pizza is.
Lychee: Hey, Sheep Cheese Pizza, do you have any sheets of paper i can use?
Sheep Cheese Pizza looks at Lychee with a mix of confusion and annoyance.
Sheep Cheese Pizza: Wh- why would i have that?
Lychee: Yes or no now, questions later.
Sheep Cheese Pizza: Uh..yeah..you want it?
Lychee: Yeah, thanks!
Lychee snatches the paper out of Sheep Cheese Pizza’s hand and runs off back to Wallet and Beach Ball.
Sheep Cheese Pizza: Weirdo..
Beach Ball: Lychee…..what are you going to do with that?
Lychee: WATCH THIS!
Lychee crumbles the paper into a crudely made ball, grips the golf club, and whacks the paper ball through the ceiling and into orbit.
Lenny: Oh my gosh, that is so cool Lychee!!
Wallet: Uhh….but what about the hole in the ceiling?
???: Hole in the ceiling?
Beach Ball, Americium, Hearty, Lenny, and Wallet look over to the source of the voice.
File Folder: Let the one and only File Folder repair it!
Americium: Weird introduction, but ok.
File Folder runs over to the location of the hole in the ceiling.
File Folder: Now, does anyone have any planks, nails, or hammers?
Wallet: Uh…….huh?
Lychee: Repair guy over there asked if you have any planks?
Wallet: Oh, yeah! I think i have this spare plank in here somewhere.
Wallet reaches in, tries grabbing something, and succeeds.
Wallet: Got it!
It’s her diary.
Wallet: WAIT WRONG ONE WRONG ONE-
After several tries to no avail, Wallet finally gets the plank.
Wallet: Here you go!
Beach Ball: And i think i have a spare hammer here somewhere…
File Folder: Great! And the nail?
Complete and utter silence.
Lychee: Well… aren’t nails like small knives?
Americium: I guess you’re right..
Americium: Hey, Gas Pump, do you have any nails?
A few nails are tossed on the floor nearby, and a knife is flung dangerously close to Americium.
Americium: Yikes. Anyway, here are your nails..
File Folder: Great! All I need! Now for a hammering here, a nail there..
After a minute or so, the work is done.
Beach Ball: Yay! Now we won’t die from lack of oxygen!
Hi, dasher here, not even sure if that’s how it works, bye
Everybody cheers
Magic Hat: Psssh, you do all realize i could’ve EASILY done myself, right?
Lychee: ..How do i say this…….uhh….
Lychee: I just..think file folder is more...trustable?
Magic Hat: Nonsense! My impressive magic tricks NEVER FAIL.
Rotten Cotton Candy: Yeah, yeah. Everybody knows you’re just a big, fat, faker.
Magic Hat: Says the one who has gained 24 pounds from sitting on his lazy butt 25/8.
Rotten Cotton Candy: Not true. I deserve a break, for all i do. I only woke up so i could teach you who’s best.
Magic Hat: Oh, yeah? Well, why don’t you BRING IT ON?
A few minutes later, Lychee calls most of the contestants to the area she’s in.
Lychee: ATTENTION, EVERYBODY! I’M GONNA RUN A CONTEST TO SEE WHO IS THE BEST BETWEEN THE TWO BIGGEST LIARS, ROTTEN COTTON CANDY AND MAGIC HAT!
Magic Hat & Cotton Candy: HEY!
Lychee: EACH ROUND, ONE CONTESTANT WILL BE GIVEN A DIFFICULT JOB TO DO, AND WHOEVER DOES IT THE BEST GETS A POINT! THERE WILL BE 3 ROUNDS, AND WHOEVER GETS TO 2 POINTS FIRST WINS!
Rubix Cube: So, what’s the first contest! I NEED to see this.
Lychee: An eating competition! Each competitor will try to eat an entire cake. Whoever eats the most wins!
Red Velvet Cake: …..Please no.
Lychee: Not you. Instead we have these GIANT VANILLA CAKES THAT I ORDERED FROM THE GIANT VANILLA CAKE STORE ON THE MOON OKAY GO!
Magic Hat: This should be easy, i do like cake!
Magic Hat starts eating. Meanwhile, Rotten Cotton Candy is asleep.
Beach Ball: Uhh...Rotten Cotton Candy? You might wanna wake up.
Magic Hat: Nom nom nom nom nom nom.
Rubix Cube: Okay, i have my camera, time to record!
30 minutes later.
Lychee: Okay, let’s see the results!
Wallet: Huh? Results? Oh, yeah..right..
Lychee: Wait..Magic Hat, you finished already!?
Magic Hat: Yep! I WAS getting quite hungry! Why don’t you look at Rotten Cotton Candy, and see what ‘magnificent’ work he’s done
Lychee: You misspelled nonexistent! Anyway, let’s go take a look at whatever he’s doing!
Nothing.
Lychee: Look, i know Rotten Cotton Candy is the laziest person on the moon, BUT HOW DO YOU NOT EAT THIS GIANT DELICIOUS VANILLA CAKE.
Magic Hat: Does this mean i win, AUTOMATICALLY?
Lychee: Yes! Unfortunately!
Styrofoam Cup: Hey, if Rotten Cotton Candy didn’t eat the cake, who will?
Lychee: Normally, i would keep it for my own personal gain to sustain my energy, but since i’m just SO awesomely amazingly nice and cool and hyper i’ll let YOU have it!
Styrofoam Cup: Hooray! My very own vanilla cake! I’ll make it my pet!
Hearty: Wow, Lychee, that was SUPER DUPER NICE! Very nice and so nice and awesomely nice and-
Lychee: Uh-huh, yeah. Anyway, time for the next contest!
One setting up later….
Lychee: Alright, the next contest is a MAGIC CONTEST! Me and Hearty (who always gives 10s) will rate your magic trick, and the best one wins! Although both of them will probably be terrible! GO!
Americium: Don’t you think this is a little biased-
Lychee: Nonsense! Both of the competitors get EXACTLY what they deserve! Anyway, GO!
Magic Hat: Yes! This was absolutely made for me! Since RCC is a lazy poop-head, i can wait and plan it out.
Rotten Cotton Candy: Hey! You can’t talk about me like that! You want a list of my achievements, you’ll get it! When i feel like it, of course.
Lychee: Oh hey you’re up GUESS WHAT YOU LOST THE FIRST CONTEST the next one is to do a magic trick GO!
Rotten Cotton Candy: Can i, like, skip this...i’m not up to this.
Lychee: NO not at all nuh-uh lazy-butt no you cannot!
Rotten Cotton Candy: Fine...whatever….
Rubix Cube: Wow, this is so exciting! You getting this, styrofoam cup?
Styrofoam Cup: Huh? Oh, yeah, this cake is great!
Magic Hat: I GOT IT! Judges of undying magnificence, allow me to present-
Rotten Cotton Candy: I’m going to make a meteor fall from the sky. See. Watch.
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.
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Lychee: ...You’re kidding me, ri-
The paper ball, which had been in orbit for about an hour and 15 minutes now, crashed into the ceiling of the lunar base and landed right next to Rotten Cotton Candy. Everybody’s jaws dropped.
.
.
.
Hearty: I-i don’t know how i could say anything other than 100! THAT WAS SUPER DUPER ULTRA OMEGA INFINITY COOL WOW SUPER EPIC YEAH
Lychee: Definitely not what i expected. 10.
Lychee: And, since Magic Hat did nothing, Rotten Cotton Candy gets the point!
Magic Hat: H-HEY! YOU DIDN’T EVEN LET ME DO MY THING! Not fair!
Lychee: Nonsense! It’s completely fair for people like you! Time for the FINAL CHALLENGE!
File Folder: …...Another hole to fix.
2 setting up later.
Lychee: Alright, ladies, gentlemen, and both of them combined! Time for the final challenge of the Terrible Triathlon!
Magic Hat: Stop insulting me! I don’t deserve it!
Lychee: Yeah, uh-huh. Anyway, the last challenge is to build the highest you can! The roof in one corner has been raised ridiculously high, and if you can touch it using your building, you automatically win!
Lychee: I need a break from this, so i’ll trust Slime to keep watch so that a certain somebody doesn’t set the entire corner ablaze.
Slime: *happy slime noises*
Lychee: Anyway, GO!
Rotten Cotton Candy, thinking: Now that he’s gone, i can finally rest. Heh.
Magic Hat: Huh...how will i build.. This whole room is basically EMPTY!
Magic Hat sits for a few seconds.
Magic Hat: Wait! I know! They wouldn’t mind if just...borrowed a few desks, would they?
Slime: *angry slime noises*
Magic Hat: Oh...uhh…
Magic Hat darts through the doorway to the office, with Slime making a modest attempt to chase her. Limey silently gazes at them to leave.
Magic Hat: Okay, i’m out. Just gotta figure out which room the office is in…
File Folder is fixing up the second hole in the ceiling.
Hearty: Hey, File Folder! Do you need help! I’ll be sure to give a wonderful super duper nice helping ha-
File Folder: N-no thanks, Hearty, i’m fine on my own-
Hearty: NONSENSE! You need help, so i WILL HELP YOU! Let’s make this plank prettier with some flammable glitter and a pretty chandelier to lighten the room up and maybe some christmas lights and-
File Folder: Sigh…
Christmas Pudding: Did someone say christmas?
Magic Hat crouches beneath the doors, so nobody sees or hears her.
Magic Hat: Ahah! Here are the offices! Nobody’s inside, so i can just grab some wooden desks, carry them (and hopefully not drop them), and I’LL PROVE MYSELF THE BEST!
She grabs 5 wooden desks, shoves them through the doorway, and carries them to the large room.
Magic Hat: Now to stack them. Wait, I want it to stay stable! I need something that could hold them together.
Magic Hat: But which object could PosSiBlY have those properties?
Magic Hat looks at Slime.
Slime: *confused slime noises, turns slowly into scared*
A few minutes later
Magic Hat: A-hah! One more desk, and i’ll be don-
Rotten Cotton Candy: hey, why aren’t you just flying up.
Magic Hat: Well, eheh, you see, I-uh..
Rotten Cotton Candy: lol, liar.
Magic Hat: HEY! Lychee just disabled my magic capabilities!
Rotten Cotton Candy: Yeah, suuuuuuure.
Slime: *pleading for help slime noises*
Magic Hat: Glue can’t talk. Also, i can see a chandelier from up here! It’s pretty close, actually.
Magic Hat: Since Rotten Cotton Candy is asleep, i have time to relax. He’s obviously loosing.
Limey looks at the tower, looks at Magic Hat and Slime, looks at Rotten Cotton Candy, then takes out a torch. A few minutes later…
Magic Hat: *yawn* Well, better get Lychee to come here. She just has to see this amazing-
The tower of desks comes crashing down after the bottom desk turns to ashes.
Magic Hat: AAAAH! LIMEY, WHAT DID YOU DO?
Some of the top desk’s parts touch the flammable glitter, and the entire chandelier goes up in flames and comes crashing down. Limey grins.
Rotten Cotton Candy: GAH! Why did you wake me up, Magic Hat!
Magic Hat: IT’S NOT MY FAULT, YOU LAZY BOZO!
Lychee opens the door.
Lychee: Alright, let’s see how you di-
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.
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Lychee: Slime, didn’t i tell you to keep watch of the place and make sure THIS DOESN’T HAPPEN!? Wait, where is slime?
Slime slides over to Lychee.
Slime: *sad slime noises*
Lychee: Alright, which of you caused this mess!?
Both Magic Hat and Rotten Cotton Candy are pointing to Limey, who is hiding behind File Folder, trying to look at background character-ish as possible.
Lychee: So….File Folder did this stuff? What the WHAT WHAT the WHAT WHAT WHAT THE-
File Folder: No, behind me.
File Folder steps to the left to reveal Limey.
Lychee: I- UG- WH- LI- WHAT.
Lychee falls face flat onto the ground.
Magic Hat: Uh…..so do I win?
Rotten Cotton Candy: No, your building is a pile of ash.
Magic Hat: And your building is a BIG HUGE PILE OF PROCRASTINATION AND LAZINESS!
Beach Ball: Please wake up, Lychee.
Beach Ball: Lychee, please get up.
Beach Ball: Lychee, the contest is over now. Please get up.
Beach Ball: Please stop...being on the ground, Lychee.
Beach Ball keeps phrasing this in different ways.
Rotten Cotton Candy: So, is she going to keep doing that, or what.
Magic Hat: Probably forever.
15 minutes later, after the fire is doused.
Lychee: Yeah, i guess that was REALLY REALLY weird, but since both of their works ended up being destroyed by a certain idiot i refuse to name, NOBODY WINS! The terrible triathlon is now closed! Go back home, people! Shoo! Shoo! Shoe! I like shoes, they go with socks...wait, do we even wear socks? Or shoes?
Magic Hat: Well, that sucked.
Rotten Cotton Candy: Yeah, they actually forced me to do something. How rude.
Magic Hat: Can you not?
Rotten Cotton Candy: No.
Well, that was A try. I could only base this off of the basic character descriptions in the TBC writing auditions blog, so i would appreciate opinions.'''
Category:Transcripts