Cheater, Cheater, Chum Eater

"Cheater, Cheater, Chum Eater" is a Season 1 episode of Squiddie's School, and the 11th overall.
==Characters==
*Squidward Tentacles
*Patrick Star
*Eugene H. Krabs
*SpongeBob SquarePants
*Sheldon J. Plankton
*Pearl Krabs
*Bubble Bass
*CrazySponge
*Matchy
*Gary the Snail
*Larry the Lobster
*Sandy Cheeks
==Synopsis==
Sheldon and Eugene make a deal in which Eugene has to help Sheldon cheat in order for him to stop trying to steal the formula. However, when the deal becomes more trouble than it’s worth, Eugene, SpongeBob, and CrazySponge have to expose Sheldon’s cheating.
==Transcript==
[episode starts at the Krusty Krab with CrazySponge working the cash register]
CrazySponge: o [bangs head on cash register] o [bangs head on cash register] o [bangs head on cash register] o
Nat: Hey, could I get a-
CrazySponge: HOOOOPLA! [rings bell, SpongeBob pops out]
SpongeBob: One double seaweed deluxe, ready for pickup.
Nat: Actually, I was gonna ask for the double algae deluxe, but your damn fool cashier didn’t let me finish. [grabs it] I’ll take it, though. [hands CrazySponge the money; CrazySponge is about to eat it before Eugene comes out]
Eugene: MR. SPONGE! [goes over and rips the money out of his hands] Don’t eat me money! [tucks it in his pocket] Cease the tomfoolery when you’re at your post, got that?
CrazySponge: Mr. Krabs, this is a fast food joint, not the military.
Eugene: Well, I could go full American and spend all of me money on military weapons. But that’s more of a Plankton thing anyway.
[cuts to the Chum Bucket where Sheldon is listening into their conversation]
Sheldon: You got it, Krabsy. [pulls out a rocket launcher] I built this baby REAL good. [Karen pops up]
Karen: You mean we built it.
Sheldon: Pffft, go complain about wearing a mask, Karen. I need to steal the formula. And for REAL this time.
Karen: Whatever you say, pumpkin.
[Sheldon jumps off and fires the launcher at the front doors]
Eugene: What the hell was that? [turns around] That better have been the police force shooting an innocent protester again! 
SpongeBob: Hm… [moves closer as Sheldon fires another rocket, blasting SpongeBob back] No, it’s just that damn fool Plankton.
Eugene: Speak of the devil!
CrazySponge: o
Sheldon: I’ve got you right where I want you! [aims at Eugene’s office] I’m gonna blow up your office if you don’t give me what I want. [Eugene, SpongeBob, and CrazySponge stare in silence] Um… so are you gonna stop me or?
Eugene: No, go ahead.
Sheldon: It’s too perfect. [aims towards the door but nothing comes out, turns out it’s out of rockets] What the? [shoots again] Damn it!
Eugene: Hmm, out of firepower, ey Planky ol’ boy?
Sheldon: I swear I loaded this up! Bullshit, man! [Eugene picks him up, about to flick him out the door]
Eugene: Back to where you came from, damn fool.
Sheldon: Alright, just don’t be surprised when I’m back tomorrow. [Eugene has a deadpan expression]
CrazySponge: Hoopla?
Eugene: [laughs] I’ll just stop you again, no biggie. 
Sheldon: But then I’ll be back again. And again. And again. And aga-
Eugene: OKAY, I GET IT! [SpongeBob comes over, taking Sheldon to the ground] 
Sheldon: Thank you, SpongeBob. [turns back to Eugene] Alright, Krabs, I’ll stop terrorizing you and your restaurant if you assist me in art school.
Eugene: Art school? 
Sheldon: Yes. I haven’t been doing good at all. One more failed project or test and my ass is Mr. Tentacles’.
SpongeBob: I don’t see the problem. I’d LOVE for Squidward to own my ass! [CrazySponge slaps him]
Sheldon: You three help me cheat, slide me some answers, get me back on my feet, and I won’t cause you any trouble.
Eugene: Are you kidding me? I can see through your lies. [shows Eugene looking at Plankton as he starts to be transparent]
Sheldon: No lies, Eugene. Trust me for once.
Eugene: [sighs] Fine. [everyone takes turns shaking Sheldon’s hand] 
Sheldon: Good. First task - give me the answers during the test tomorrow. [walks out]
Eugene: [laughs] Pfff, what a deal. 
SpongeBob: I don’t know, Mr. Krabs. I get that you want some breathing room, but disregarding academic integrity? I don’t know about that.
CrazySponge: What’s that? 
Eugene: What CrazySponge said. It’ll just be a few measly assignments, nothing bad.
SpongeBob: Alright, but don’t say I didn’t warn you. [looks over] Duck!
Eugene: Where?! [gets punched by CrazySponge, then looks up] You didn’t warn me.
[SpongeBob sighs; it cuts to the school the next day where the bell sounds]
Squidward: Alright you degenerate students, settle down. It’s time for your oh so important test. Well, not really.
Sheldon: [whispers] You know what to do, Eugene.
Eugene: I don’t know. I’ve never helped anyone cheat before.
Sheldon: What about when I ditched Karen?
Eugene: Look, that was a one time thing. Just like when I gave that blowjob to SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: [looks up shocked] Wait, what?
[Squidward passes all of the tests out as Sheldon and Eugene exchange glances]
Squidward: [checking watch] Aaaaaaand…. go. [Sheldon looks down to read the first question]
Sheldon: What paint does one use to paint a wall? [looks over at Eugene]
Eugene: Hm… [pretends to play an air guitar]
Sheldon: [whispering] Let’s see… rock band. Metallica… [starts writing down] Metallic paint. [looks up at Squidward who hasn’t noticed] Hell yeah. Question two: what is the tool you use to sculpt marble? 
SpongeBob: [writes on the side of the desk, it reveals to say “SMEGMA”] 
Sheldon: Hm…
Matchy: AEEEGEGVBHGWWWWWW!!!!
Squidward: MATCHY! [goes over and takes her test] How dare you chisel your smegma during this important test! You get a zero.
Matchy: Totally worth it. [kicks back]
Sheldon: Aha! [jots down the answer] I’ll be smooth sailing for a while.
Narrator: One boring hour later…
Squidward: Alright class, I’ve graded all your tests, and one student got a perfect score. [camera pans on Eugene, SpongeBob, and CrazySponge]
SpongeBob: Oh boy!
Squidward: And that is Sheldon. [holds up his test that has a red 100 on it]
Sheldon: HELL YEAH!
Eugene: What the? [stands up] Mr. Squidward, this is complete and utter bullshit!
Squidward: Mr. Krabs, you answered ilo patsal for question 9. The correct answer was oil pastel.
Eugene: You know that I can’t spell! That’s why the free food clause spilled by the final draft of our menu.
Squidward: Sorry Krabs, but you [shows him test] only got a 96.
Eugene: Disgraceful. Utterly disgraceful. I guess it’s because I’m a conservative, huh? [bangs on desk] You liberals always-
Squidward: I don’t wanna hear it. You guys have another test tomorrow. [lights his bong as he starts smoking] Class dismissed.
[Eugene, SpongeBob, and CrazySponge all glance at each other with a worried expression; the episode cuts to them all staying at SpongeBob’s pineapple]
Gary: [getting placed down by SpongeBob] Meow.
SpongeBob: Good job at school today, Gary. Unlike me. [pulls out test] I only got a 78.
Eugene: How did that damn fool Plankton get a better grade than us? He’s feeding off of my hard work. Just like people in social security.
SpongeBob: Sir, social security is a good thing. But yeah, I got a 78, you got a 96… what about you, CrazySponge?
CrazySponge: Hoopla. [sticks out test, showing that he got an 11]
SpongeBob: And YOU only got a grade that matches your age. This is why we need to study tonight, just like Mr. Pecks.
Eugene: No. We need to do something better.
SpongeBob: Like what?
Eugene: [shines flashlight] Expose Sheldon! [turns off flashlight]
CrazySponge: o
SpongeBob: Okay, one, he’s just gonna keep trying to steal the formula.
Eugene: [laughs] Pffft, what a joke. You really think he’ll ever steal my formula? He was just getting in the way of me money making.
SpongeBob: Okay… but how the hell are we gonna expose him?
Eugene: By using [takes out the formula] his kryptonite.
SpongeBob: Elaborate.
Eugene: You see, while Squidward isn’t looking, we’ll- [gets cut off by CrazySponge]
CrazySponge: Fabricate a question on the test asking what the secret formula is. Then, we’ll dangle it in his face, tempting him to take it and read off of it, creating irrefutable evidence that he’s cheating.
Eugene: [deadpan expression] Uh, yeah. That. 
SpongeBob: That still doesn’t answer the question of our grades. Shouldn’t we just study?
Eugene: SpongeBob, what part of “expose Sheldon” don’t you understand?
SpongeBob: Good point. Alright, we can do it tomorrow. [shakes hands with the two of them] Now go sleep in the living room, I need to be able to jack off up here.
[episode cuts to the next day at school where Eugene, SpongeBob, and CrazySponge are trying to get through the back window]
Eugene: Alright, we got here early. [pointing at window] If we go through there, we’ll be in Squidward’s office. Then we can change the test before he prints out the copies. Got it?
SpongeBob: Got it.
CrazySponge: o
[Eugene throws a rope into the window, which they all climb up. They all get into the office and sneak around the corner, with the laptop in sight]
Eugene: [puts hand over mouth] Shh. [tip toes his way over to the laptop, quickly going on the test document and typing the new question; whispering] What are the ingredients to the Krabby Patty? [presses enter] There!
SpongeBob: Good shit.
[Squidward opens the door and barges in with an angry expression]
Squidward: What are you sexual degenerates doing on my laptop?
CrazySponge: cum
Eugene: Uh… nothing?
Squidward: You know that meddling with instruction is HIGHLY unacceptable. Why, you three oughtta- [SpongeBob sneaks behind him with a bat]
Eugene: Now, SpongeBob!
Squidward: What? [SpongeBob hits Squidward on the head]
Eugene: Good work, boy! [the copies come out of the printer as CrazySponge grabs them] Now we just need to get the class situated. 
SpongeBob: Hm… [looks down at an unconscious Squidward] ...he looks a lot more… you know, DESIRABLE that way.
Eugene: [looks over] Hey, you’re right! [his eyes perk up and he starts to salivate] Hm…
Narrator: 45 minutes later…
[the bell rings, all of the students are in their seats waiting for Squidward]
Larry: Uhhh…. question, where’s Mr. Tentacles?
Sheldon: Yeah, I have a test that I need to pass! Without anyone’s help, of course. [starts sweating]
Eugene: Uhh… [whispers towards SpongeBob] What should I do?
SpongeBob: You should know, this was your plan!
Eugene: Oh, right. [stands up] Uh, Mr. Squidward told me to take over for him in the beginning of class, so I’ll be handing out the tests. [gets up and passes it out to everyone]
Sheldon: [whispers] You’re still gonna fulfill the promise, right Krabsy boy?
Eugene: Uhh… sure thing. [giggles]
[everyone starts the test as it cuts to Squidward in his office, regaining consciousness and standing up]
Squidward: Huh… what happened? [looks behind him to see sticky substances on his backside] WHAT THE?! I am about to smoke them harder than my weed on a Friday night. [runs out the door] They are SO expelled!
Sheldon: Hm… [hovering over the formula question] The secret formula? Krabs isn’t gonna tell me! 
Eugene: Ohhhhh. [nonchalantly drops the formula, causing it to roll over to Sheldon] Heheh.
Sheldon: Oh HELL YEAH! 
[Squidward bursts through the door, pointing towards Eugene, SpongeBob, and CrazySponge]
Squidward: YOU! [runs over to CrazySponge and hits him with the bat repeatedly]
Eugene and SpongeBob: OH MY GOD CRAZYSPONGE DIED OH GOD OH FUCK!
Sheldon: What’s going on? Come on, Sheldon, I’ve gotta read the formula! [opens the bottle]
Squidward: No one changes my quiz, knocks me out, and rapes me without getting revenge! [grabs Eugene, hoisting him up] You’re gonna get it.
Eugene: Oh no… [gulps]
Sheldon: Oh boy, Krabs gets killed, I get the formula for myself, AND I successfully cheat to get a perfect score? It’s a win-win-win!
Squidward: [punching Eugene before he looks over at Sheldon] Excuse me? [drops Eugene] Cheating?!
Sheldon: Uh oh.
SpongeBob: Yeah, Plankton cheated!
Sheldon: What, you think this is a game of kickball on the playground? Besides, you helped me- [Eugene covers his mouth]
Squidward: Sheldon, I am very disappointed in you. After getting an 100 - which you probably cheated on too - you now get a big fat ZERO. [scribbles on his test to show that he failed]
Sheldon: GODDAMNIT! Not again. [Eugene takes the formula from him] Welp, back to having passionate Krabby Patty formula heist roleplay sex with Karen tonight. [walks out of the school]
Eugene: Welp, we did it, boy.
SpongeBob: Yup. But Mr. Krabs, isn’t there still the matter of us taking advantage of Squidward when he was unconscious?
Eugene: Uh…
Squidward: Oh right. Now where were we? [starts punching Eugene again as the episode ends]
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