Louisville, Bubbaroo and Sully/Transcript

This is the transcript for Louisville, Bubbaroo and Sully, which aired on January 20, 2022.
==Transcript==
1 And for some reason, the laundry expenses for our residents have doubled in the last few months.
- Soup.
- I'm sorry? We gotta serve less soup.
Problem solved.
Teamwork makes the dream work.
[PHONE RINGS.]
- Hold on a sec.
- Uh-huh.
- Hey.
- GABBY: A guy named Scott is calling you.
He says he's a lawyer.
- Okay.
- He's a Leo with rising Gemini.
They're supposed to be chatty, but not this one.
Put him through.
I'm so sorry, but I have to take this.
Okay.
Like, alone.
Oh.
And do you mind closing the door on your way out? Hey.
If you've got something to hide, none of my business.
Do your hands hurt? Constantly.
What do you do about it? Well, I try and focus on the part of me that doesn't hurt.
Which is this area right there.
May I join you? Course.
Is everything okay? Not sure.
Ooh, tell us, tell us.
Gina was in her office with the door closed talking to a lawyer.
About what? She made me leave the room.
So something she didn't want you to hear.
Wow, I can see why you were such a good cop.
I heard her complaining that running this place was tougher than she thought.
Did she say she wanted to sell? No, not to me.
Oh, she wouldn't sell this place.
Although you certainly have made her life very difficult.
What did I do? Demanding that English be the official language of Valley Hills! You're the one always bugging her about getting almond milk.
If it doesn't come from a cow, it's not milk.
Then what is it? A liberal conspiracy to poison America.
Hey! What's shakin', eggs and bacon? Am I not as adorable as I thought? Gina, please don't leave us.
We promise we'll be better.
What are you talking about? We don't have to speak English.
We can habla espaÃ±ol.
And I'll drink regular milk.
Apologies to those who sit near me.
These shmendricks have gotten it into their head that you're selling Valley Hills.
You got a call from a lawyer.
[LAUGHS.]
: Oh that.
No.
It's some legal trouble from when I was younger.
I'm trying to find an attorney.
[RELIEVED SIGHING.]
I told 'em it was nothing to worry about.
People just love to gossip.
- The more you give - The more you give - The more you live - The more you live Your happiness is relative And if you're feeling like crap It's time to face the fact It's your prerogative Your prerogative To be positive If we become What we believe Then as ye think ye shall receive So just let go of the past Pull your head from your ass It's your prerogative Your prerogative To be positive Oh! 90 miles to Louisville.
- Lou-uh-ville.
- What? You're saying it wrong.
It's Lou-uh-ville.
Louis-ville.
J-Just throw it away.
Louisville.
[WITH ACCENT.]
: Louisville! Ooh.
I don't know why I did an Italian accent there.
I panicked.
- [ALERT DINGS.]
- Uh-oh.
The "Check Engine" light just came on.
What do we do? Well, here's a thought.
We check the engine.
Oh, God! Oh, God.
Oh, no! There was a fire extinguisher in the back but I got rid of it to make room for my K-Cups.
It's just overheating.
Just pull over.
Where's the hazard lights? Nope oh, nope.
Oh, boy, I'm really doing the wrong thing here.
Hello! - Oh, hey.
- Looking for a lawyer? I present my son, Kyle Morgan, attorney at law.
Nice to meet you.
- Hi.
- At the risk of overstating his legal skills, imagine Matlock rebooted with Michael B.
Jordan.
Dad He also plays clarinet.
Dad! You take good care of her, Bubbaroo.
[LAUGHS.]
Hmm.
Bubbaroo? He's called me that since I was a baby.
It's a whole thing.
There's even a song.
Really? Oh, he'll sing it for you.
Just ask.
I'd rather hear you play it on your clarinet.
Have a seat, Bubbaroo.
So, why do you need a lawyer? My dad didn't give me any details.
Oh, it's embarrassing.
Tell me, I won't judge.
Okay a few years ago I got busted for selling fake IDs to kids.
- Not that bad.
- Then I missed my court date.
- Okay.
- Then I paid the fine with a phony check.
- All right.
- Then I stole the identity of a woman who died in 1951.
Kind of feels like you're judging me, Bubbaroo.
Little bit.
I promise I am a completely different person now.
You know that all criminals say that, right? I've got a friend at the DA's office, let me get into it.
- Okay.
- In the meantime, if you need me.
Thank you.
Oh, oh! I knew you looked familiar.
I've seen your ads on buses and billboards.
"If you've gotta go to trial, call Kyle.
" "I'll get you off!" Didn't hear the double meaning till it was too late.
Well, I love it.
I sat on your face at a bus stop.
[SPORTSCASTER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY.]
Fourth and three with less than two minutes left and you're gonna punt? They deserve to lose.
How is he still their head coach? I mean, they can't stop the double-A gap blitz; of course they're gonna punt.
You know football? Yeah, I played in college.
You did? What position? Seated.
I played Madden.
It's a video game.
I was almost impressed with you.
Norma, I have some ibuprofen for you.
You better have something stronger.
My hip is killing me.
Uh, how about an ice pack? Uh, how about this? What are you doing? Flipping you off with arthritis.
If I was controlling that guy, I'd call a run-pass option, roll out left and then hit the C button.
I don't know whether to buy you a beer or give you a wedgie.
Of course it's a word.
It's the past tense for "twit.
" - Hello, everyone.
- Hey, Bette.
- Spencer.
- Hello.
How have you been? Oh, good, thanks.
You know, I-I think I gotta go.
I got to call a guy about a thing I need him to do for me over in the room here There's no guy.
His Metamucil kicked in.
Ever since our date, he's been avoiding me.
Has he said anything? He might have.
I try not to listen.
I don't understand.
No man has ever rejected me like this.
Norma, how do you handle it? Uh, water pump's shot.
We know.
That's why we're here.
And we appreciate everything that you're doing - Roy.
- Roy.
Right.
Is that your dog outside, Roy? What a cutie, even without teeth.
And just the one eye there.
Parts and labor, it's gonna run you around two grand.
[SIGHS, WHOOPS.]
Stinky.
Um, two large.
Ugh.
Not you, the cost.
You are actually quite svelte.
What do you do, what are we, in SoulCycle? Peloton? - We're leaving.
- What? Come on.
We can do it ourselves.
We passed an auto parts store on our way here.
Can you give us a second, please? Sure.
I'll be on my Peloton.
[LAUGHS.]
: Oh, yes, right, from earlier.
Um, what are you doing? I don't know how to fix an engine.
You don't say.
Let's go.
No, look, look, I know it's expensive, but I got a good feeling about Roy.
I mean, they wouldn't make his garage the post office if he wasn't a stand-up guy.
I'm telling you, we can do it ourselves.
Fine.
Roy, uh, we're gonna pass on the water pump, but I will take two books of Forever stamps.
[KNOCKING.]
- Who is it? - Kyle! [GASPS.]
Damn it.
Peter's son, the lawyer? One minute! [CLEARS THROAT.]
Come in! - Hey.
- One sec.
I'm just finishing up some important work things.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Approved, approved.
Denied.
[SIGHS.]
What's up? I'm here to see my dad, and I got some good news about your case.
Wow, no lawyer has ever said that to me.
Talked to my buddy at the DA's office.
You're looking at a fine and 30 hours of community service.
That's so great.
Thank you so much.
It was nothing.
You should see some of the people I represent.
Hey, what do I owe you? Don't worry about it.
I just made a few of phone calls.
No, that's crazy.
Look, you are so great with my dad.
- Let's just call it even.
- Come on.
I insist.
All right, how about this? You take me out for a nice dinner.
Oh.
Dinner.
Or not.
I don't want to put you on the spot.
No, um, I would like that.
- How's Friday? - Great.
See you then.
Okay.
I'd walk you out, but I'm pretty busy here.
The next thing we need to do is remove the cooling fan.
You know, if I were Harry Potter, I would just say "Remov-io Fan-io.
" You know, this is your van.
You should learn how to do this.
Why? I can just hire someone who knows what they're doing.
I mean, I don't cut my own hair.
Yeah, whoever cuts your hair doesn't know what they're doing.
Someday you'll wish you'd learned how to, how to take a Oh Oh, damn it.
You okay? No, it's my back.
Okay, well, sit down.
What happened? It's an old sports injury.
You wouldn't understand.
Is there anything I can do? I just need to rest.
[EXHALES.]
You'll have to take over.
- What? No.
- Come on.
- I'll talk you through it.
- Oh, come on.
I'll just mess it up.
Let's just take it back to the garage.
Okay.
Okay.
You just have to put the engine back together.
Check and mate.
Okay, well, let me at least put on an apron.
My Tide stick is down to the nub.
Ow.
Gabby, what do you know about CBD oil? Save your money.
It doesn't get you high.
Hi.
Peter's son was looking for you.
Oh, yeah, we were just in my office.
He got me off! Isn't it way hotter at work? Not that.
Although he did ask me to dinner.
Oh, I thought you were giving up dating for a while.
I know.
I am.
I was.
Oh, he's so cute.
What about Drew? Oh, well, Drew's off living his van life.
And he already slept with some rando.
And he should because we are not a thing.
We never were, we never will be.
Friends, yes.
Maybe one drunken kiss, but that's it.
Over and out.
Done and done.
- Interesting.
- Very.
It's not interesting! Oh, hey, Peter.
Oh, hello.
Hey, Kyle tells me that your legal woes are no more.
Oh, he did a great job.
I'm gonna take him to dinner to thank him.
Wonderful.
Will Holly be joining you? Holly? Kyle's wife.
She's an angel.
- He's married? - Yes.
She teaches kindergarten A time of wonder and exploration.
And also lice.
Hey.
Hey, close the door.
No, with you inside.
Oh, fun.
Kyle is married.
- What? - Yes, to a kindergarten teacher.
Peter told me.
How could he ask me out on a date? Guys are the worst! I am gonna call him on it.
Who would cheat on a kindergarten teacher? That poor woman.
Not being smart enough to teach grade school, and now this.
[PHONE RINGING.]
Hey, I'm on my way to the courthouse so I might lose you.
- What's up? - Oh, there is a lot up, Kyle.
There is a lot up.
What? How dare you ask me out.
You are married.
- No, I'm not.
- Oh, please.
Your dad told me all about Holly.
We're gonna send you her head in a box! What? No.
We are no, we are not gonna do that.
We are definitely not doing that.
Holly and I divorced three years ago.
Oh.
Oh.
Your dad still thinks you're married.
Damn.
His memory's gotten worse over the last few years, - but this is scary.
- Yeah.
We see this here all the time.
There's some things we can do to help make his life easier.
Thank you.
I can talk to him if you'd like.
That would be great.
Okay.
I'll let you know what I find out.
Please do.
Peter forgot his son is divorced.
That's not good.
Poor guy.
Bright side Kyle's single! Okay, next thing, before you take out the water pump, you've gotta remove the mounting bolts.
You mean the things that look like Frankenstein's neck? Yes, just like the hose clamp looked like a friendship bracelet.
Tell me it doesn't.
Which way do I turn this thing again? [GROANS.]
Righty tighty, lefty loosey.
See, that doesn't make sense to me because the first half rhymes, and the second half is alliterative.
I mean, how is anyone gonna remember that? [GROANS.]
[GRUNTS.]
It won't move.
Put some muscle into it.
Oh, damn it! See, I told you I was no good at this.
- You can learn.
- No, I can't.
My dad always wanted me to help him in the garage, but I was always too clumsy, too slow, too weak.
"You gonna dry those tears with your skirt, Drew Barrymore?" We should've just paid Roy to fix it.
Drew, trust me, you can do this.
Fine.
Good.
There you go.
Use some elbow grease on it.
Now you tell me.
Where's the elbow grease? - Hey.
- Hey.
Can we talk for a second? Certainly.
These characters are waiting for Godot; so shall I.
Um You mentioned that Kyle was married to a woman named Holly.
Lovely woman.
What about her? Well, I talked to Kyle and he said they got a divorce a couple years ago.
A-Absolutely correct.
Yes, years ago.
Tragic.
- Peter? - Hmm? You kind of made it seem like they were still together.
[STAMMERS.]
There must have been some miscommunication because they did indeed get divorced.
There are things that we can do to help you with your memory.
I don't need help! If my memory were so bad, would I remember that your birthday is April 5th? Or that Harry played college baseball for Wisconsin? Or that Bette made out with Gene Simmons in an IHOP? I just want to make sure you're okay.
You mean that I'm not a feeble old man who can't button up his own pants! That's what you mean! Can we talk for a minute? Yeah.
Sure.
What's going on? Why are you avoiding me? W-W-What are you talking about? Well, I thought we had a good time on our date.
But now every time I go into a room, you leave.
That's just a coincidence.
You walked out of a bowl game.
There was a woman referee.
I could no longer trust the outcome.
Spencer.
All right.
Actually, I had a great time, too.
You're sweet, you're fun, you're sexy as hell.
I know all this, cut to the chase.
The truth is I haven't you know, been with anybody else since my wife died.
Oh.
When you kissed me, I guess I sort of freaked out.
Well, why didn't you tell me that? It's embarrassing.
"I'm sad about my dead wife.
" It's not much of a turn-on.
It's cute that I make you nervous.
You really do.
I just wondered if maybe we couldn't slow it down a little bit.
You mean like hand stuff? I mean, like maybe we go out to a movie or just hang out.
Get to know each other a little better.
Then see where it goes.
Mm, that'd be nice.
I hate that I'm turning myself into your gal pal.
Hopefully our periods don't start to sync up.
I don't think that's gonna be a problem for either of us.
All right.
Now screw on the cap and start 'er up.
Righty tighty.
And then in my version, it would be "lefty incorrect-y.
" Start the damn thing.
[ENGINE STARTS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
The "Check Engine" light is off.
And it's not smoking! [LAUGHS.]
: Oh, my God.
I did it.
I did it! Attaboy! You did it.
Wait, what about your back? I'm feeling a lot better.
You son of a so-and-so.
You were faking it.
Yeah, but you fixed the van, didn't ya? Because you believed in me.
In spite of my best instincts.
I'm proud of you.
- It does feel pretty good.
- Mm-hmm.
So, what do you say? Am I a car guy now? [YELPS.]
: Oh! No.
No, you're not.
Hey, Peter! It's Gina! I brought you some apology oatmeal raisin cookies.
The raisins represent forgiveness, 'cause they're grapes with a second chance.
Peter? Peter? [BEEPS.]
Category:Episode Transcripts
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