Advice No One Asked For - Number One/Transcript

Advice No One Asked For - Number One is the first episode of Buckley's "Advice No One Asked For" series.  It is currenty only available at his website, in the "Supplements" section.  
Description (as seen on the website): Just because I haven't been asked the question, doesn't mean I won't answer it! Here, I help a woman break some tough news.
==Transcript==
(introduction music played during the following paragraph)
Welcome to "Advice No One Asked For".  The segment where I, Buckley, answer a question that was originally asked to someone other than me.  Let's get started.  This one comes to someone that wasn't me,  from someone who's signed, "Not Willing to Condone This".  
Dear syndicated advice columnist whose name is not "Buckley", 
A friend is pregnant, and has asked me to be a godparent to her child.  I don't feel like I can do this, because I am totally against her having this baby.  She is very young - eighteen - and she isn't entirely sure who the father is.  There are two possibilities.  Some of us are trying to talk her into giving up this baby for adoption so that it has a chance. She won't listen, and insists, because her dad has a lot of money, she will be fine.  How do I tell her I don't want to be the godmother without hurting her feelings?
Signed, Not Willing To Condone This
Well, I assume you've already decided that the method of roofies and a coathanger might be going a little too far to get out of being the godmother.  What I'd like to know is, what kind of friend are you?  You want your slutty teenage friend to give up the baby for adoption instead of offering your support?  You've got time to write stupid letters to advice columnists, maybe you've got time to babysit, while she goes and tries to find a new daddy at whatever meet market of a bar she most likely found the last one.  No, instead you'd rather she just tossed the baby into the system, where its future would be even more uncertain, perhaps adopted by people who would mess up the kid more than it would be if it was with its whore of a biological mother.  And hell, if this skank's daddy has the money to pay for the kid's upbringing and well being, let him spend the money!  And frankly, I find it funny that someone who's banging at least two different guys at a wedlock feels compelled to name a godparent.  I mean, clearly she's not a strict practicioner of Christianity.  But back to your question.  How do you not hurt her feelings? Well, how about by telling her the truth - you're an awful friend, and would more than likely make an awful godmother, and she should pick someone who doesn't want to ship her kid into an orphanage.  
(introductory music playing)
I'm Buckley, and you're welcome.
Category:Transcripts