Variations of Gorilla Warfare

==Toddler variation==
What the heck did you just flipping say about me, you big meanie? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Tiny Tots Program, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on the girl's bathroom, and I have over 300 confirmed noogies. I am trained in Nerf warfare and I have the most gold stars in the entire kindergarten class. You are nothing to me but just another butthead. I will beat you the heck up with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my dang words. You think you can get away with saying that baloney to me on the glowy type-box? Think again, doodiehead. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of teachers across the USA and your parents are being called to pick you up right now so you better prepare for the spanking, junior. The spanking that wipes out the dumb little thing you call your playtime. You're in big darn trouble, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can wedgie you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed fartfights, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States PTA and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your dorky bottom off the face of the playground, you little poopypants. If only you could have known what serious punishments your little "smartypants" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your goshdarned tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you silly doofus. I will spray boogers all over you and you will cry about it. You're frickin grounded, buttmunch.
==Ned Flanders variation==
What the darn-diddily-doodily did you just say about me, you little witcharooney? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class at Springfield Bible College, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret mission trips in Capital City, and I have over 300 confirmed baptisms. I am trained in the Old Testament and I’m the top converter in the entire church mission group. You are nothing to me but just another heathen. I will cast your sins out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in Heaven, mark my diddily-iddilly words. You think you can get away with saying that blasphemy to me over the Internet? Think again, friendarino. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of evangelists across Springfield and your IP is being traced by God right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggorino. The storm that wipes out the diddily little thing you call your life of sin. You’re going to Church, kiddily-widdily. Jesus can be anywhere, anytime, and he can turn you to the Gospel in over infinity ways, and that’s just with his bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in preaching to nonbelievers, but I have access to the entire dang- diddily Bible collection of the Springfield Bible College and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your sins away off the face of the continent, you diddily-doo satan-worshipper. If only you could have known what holy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you from the Heavens, maybe you would have held your darn-diddily-fundgearoo tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re clean of all your sins, you widdillo-skiddily neighborino. I will sing hymns of praise all over you and you will drown in the love of Christ. You’re farn-foodily- flank-fiddily reborn, kiddo-diddily.
==Shrek's variation (Just cuz m8)==
What the fuck are you doing in my fucking swamp you little farquaad? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the brogres, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on your anus, and have ogre 300 confirmed layers. I am trained in making early 2000's pop cultural references, and am the top ogre in the entire far far away armed forces. You are nothing to me but another Drek. I will wipe you out with precision the likes of which have never been seen in Dreamworks, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that dreck to me over the swamp? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of fairy tale creatures across Far Far Away and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, Farquaad. The storm that will end your fucking life. It's fucking ogre, Donkey. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare asscheeks. Not only am I shrextensively trained in onionade combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Fairy Godmothers Factory and I will use it to its full shrextent to wipe your miserable little ass of of the face of mah swamp, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little clever comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn Rumpelstiltskin. I will shrek fury all ogre you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, Pinocchio.
==Meta Navy Seals variation==
What the fuck did you just fucking say about Navy Seal copypastas, you little newfag?
I’ll have you know they've ranked top out of all the comments on the Internet, and they have been translated in numerous contexts on 4chan, and have over 300 confirmed variants. Navy Seal copypastas are trained in memetic warfare and are the top copypasta in the entire circlejerk arsenel. You are nothing to them but just another target. They will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this subreddit, mark my fucking words.
You think you can get away with saying that shit about Navy Seal copypastas over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak this copypasta is contacting it's secret network of /b/tards across the USA and your IP is being doxxed right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid.
Navy Seal copypastas can be anywhere, anytime, and they can confuse you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with mad-lib permutations. Not only are they extensively trained in trolling, but they have access to the entire arsenal of Anonymous and will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the Internet, you little shit.
If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. This copypasta will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
==English Forces variation==
What the in the name of the Queen did you just fucking say about me, you little chav? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the SAS, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Ireland, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gentlemanly warfare and I'm the top rooter tooter long range shooter in the entire UK armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this great planet, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, chap. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the world and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, banger. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Royal Marines and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little muppet. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn dolt. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, mate.
==#YOLOSWAGANSTA variation==
What the swag d­id you just fu­cking yolo about me, you little wayne? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the SwagFags, and I’ve been involved in numerous Obey Records , and I have over 300 confirmed Swaggers. I am trained in wearing snapbacks and I’m the top poser in the entire Swagfag Army. You are nothing to me but just another No swag. I will swag you the fu­ck out with swagger the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fu­cking hashtags. You think you can get away with not taking pictures in the mirror over the Internet? Think again, fu­cker. As we speak I am contacting my mom, she has alot of swag, and your ratchet ass is being traced right now so you better prepare for the yolo, ni**a. The yolo that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your swag. You’re fu­cking dead, ni**a. I can swag anywhere, anytime, and I can swag in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my baggy skinny jeans. Not only am I extensively trained in having plugs and snake bites, but I have access to the entire Hollister store. and I will use it to its full swaggness to wipe your miserable swag off the face of tumblr, you little Non trend follower. I will swag yolo all over you and you will swag in it. You’re fu­cking dead, ni**a.
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==My Little Pony variation==
What the fuck did you just fucking say about My Little Pony, you bucking foal? I’ll have you know it's ranked top out of all the shows on the Hub, and it has been won numerous awards, and has over 300 thousand confirmed fans. Lauren Faust is trained in sociology and has the top team in the entire cartoon industry. You are nothing to them but just another target. They will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this subreddit, mark my bucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit about My Little Pony over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak this I am contacting my secret network of bronies across the USA and your IP is being doxxed right now so you better prepare for the friendship cannon, coltcuddler. The friendship that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re bucking dead, foal. Navy Seal copypastas can be anywhere, anytime, and they can confuse you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with mad-lib permutations. Not only are they extensively trained in trolling, but they have access to the entire arsenal of Anonymous and will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the Internet, you little shit. If only you could have known what chaotic retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your bucking muzzle. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn canter. I will shit love and tolerance all over you and you will drown in it. You’re bucking dead, kiddo.
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little pony? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in magic kindergarten, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Nightmare Moon, and I have over 300 confirmed friendships. I am trained in magic warfare and I’m the top pony in the entire Equestrian armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another friend. I will wipe you the fuck out with friendship the likes of which has never been seen before on Equestria, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Ponynet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of pegasi across Equestria and your hoofprints are being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, pony. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can hug you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hooves. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed friendship, but I have access to the entire arsenal of ponies and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable flank off the face of the continent, you little pony. If only you could have known what magical friendship your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn pony. I will shit friendship all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, pony.
== Emo variation ==
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little emo? I’ll have you know I have one of the top posts in /r/madeofstyrofoam, and I’ve been involved in numerous visits to the hospital, and I have over 300 stitches. I am trained in self suturing and I’m the top cutter in the entire self harm reddits. You are nothing to me but just another papercut. I will cut you the fuck up with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of emos across the USA and your images is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, emo. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can cut anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed selfharm, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the emos across the USA and I will use them to their full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will cut all over you and you will drown in blood. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.
== Food variation ==
What the fork did you just forking say about me, you little crumpet? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class with Gordon Ramsay and I've been involved in numerous secret recipe development sessions and have over 300 confirmed dishes. I am trained in Guerilla Grilling, and I'm the top chef in the entire UK. You are nothing to me but just another dish to perfect. I will plate you the fork out with precision, the likes of which has never been seen before on this earth. Mark my words, you think you can get away with saying that rubbish to me over the internet? Think again, pudding. As we speak, I am contacting my secret network of food critics around the world, and your IP address is being traced right now, so you better prepare for the storm, cupcake. The storm that whisks out the pathetic little thing you call your cooking career. You're whipped, kid. I can be anywhere any time, and I can cook you in over 700 ways, and that's just with my bare hands.
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/-6VQZobQSJU
Category:Trollpasta
Category:Val's Valence