Inside the Mind of Floyd Boglerton

DISCLAIMER: This is just a sad parody off of the Shane Dawson "Inside the Mind" series and I only now just realized how much it sounds like Inside the World of Keglerton (it's a great story, check it out!), but yeah. sad.
==Chapter 1==
I live in each of you silly kids' imagination. Weeeeeeeee! Spinny clouts. Next stop: Mintland. Woo woooo! He decided to make the wiki a new North Korea, although he only secretly wanted SM's cookies. Beetroots are great! Let's make HHW a white male society. Andrew Hussie! For the love of Peri, won't you listen! It's time for Discordgate 2.0.
Zane Bawson: I'm your host, Zane Bawson...
Zane: And welcome to...
Zane: INSIDE THE MIND OF FLOYD BOGLERTON.
Cut to black. White text appears on screen: "SCENE 1: The Contact". Fade in to scene featuring Zane located in the backseat of a brown-leathered car and Bob Nekaro, Zane's assistant, as the car's driver.
Zane: So today in this episode of Inside the Mind we are going to attempt to make contact, or simply get a little insight, in possibly one of the most bizarre cases we have seen by far on Inside the Mind, I know I say this a lot but this person, whatever, they're supposedly linked to multiple murders or any sort of particularly malicious or intriguing event where they were present and we're just going to see what happens.
Zane: So, who's ready to go Inside the Mind?
Bob: Aye.
Zane: Alright, so, before we cut to the case right away we had attempted contact with one of Floyd's closest associates earlier this week, and, luckily for us, our crew had managed to convince them to speak with us today on this episode. Keep in mind they are aware we are going to be calling them, so they do know our purpose and essentially what we're trying to get at here.
Bob: Okay, you ready?
Zane: Sure. Hit up the call.
Bob picks up a mobile phone and dials a number off-camera. He takes the phone and turns the screen towards the camera, number blurred out. The phone rings.
Zane: Come on, pick up...
Suddenly, the phone screen cuts to a facecam and a digitized voice speaks from the device.
???: Hello!
Zane: Hey, is this... Akio?
Akio: Yeah! So, what do you want to talk to me about, and stuff?
Zane: Well, we'd just like to know a little about your friend, Floyd is it?
Akio: Okay, okay, just cut to the questions already.
Zane: Alright then. We'll start off simple. So... what is Floyd like around others, such as yourself? Describe it briefly.
Akio: You know you can't ask me such a vague question like that, okay? How am I supposed to answer that?
Zane: Sorry, alright? All I'm asking for is for any noticeable traits or quirks Floyd displays while you're with him or while he's with other people.
Akio: Well... he does tend to go on abnormally long tangents about eggs every time I see him.
Zane: Huh? What do you mean?
Akio: Uh, sometimes, while we're just... chilling out.... Floyd will, out of the blue, blurt out something like "Hey, how's the egg exports doing?" and as nobody bothers to care about the egg exports Floyd begans to talk about the quality of eggs, whatever new egg company is stealing the charts nowadays, etc... It can get very tedious, but we simply pretend to go along with it.
Zane: Hmm... that's very interesting. Do you have anything else?
Akio: ...actually, he DOES like calling people really... odd... names all the time.
Zane: Can you provide an example?
Akio: Sure. Although I prefer to go by "cookie child", previously SM used to call me peculiar things such as "beetroot", "Toyoda", "Akoy"... I can go on and on, honestly.
Zane: Really? What do you mean by "previously"?
Akio: Well... over time, these more tame nicknames began to be phased out in favor of some much more "cryptic" messages, if you will. I can give you an example if you'd like.
Zane: Go ahead.
Akio takes the facecam to his computer, where he then opens a file named "floyd.wav".
Floyd (recording): You knew how to moderate chat, and you have continued to show your great experience. And MH, stop posting fake news about me or I'll chop off your balls. Have a nice day!
Zane: That's definitely unusual...
Akio: Yes...
Zane: If I were to guess, that's definitely got to be a sign of psychopathy or insanity. That's very interesting, Akio, thank you for sharing that with me.
Akio: Is that it? I really don't like to defame my friend like that.
Zane: Well, I'd love to ask you more questions, but if it's that way, I'll leave you alone.
Akio: Okay, bye, I guess.
Zane: Alright.
Akio hangs up the phone.
Zane: That was quite a success. (Bob laughs.) You know, I didn't expect him to have so much evidence, and even the fact that he was just willing to give it out is remarkable. 
Bob: Less work for us. I guess all that's left now is to head out to Exhibit Number One.
Zane: You ready?
Bob: Ready as I'll ever be.
Screen fades to black. White text appears on the screen: "SCENE 2: The Encounter."
==Chapter 2==
TO BE CONTINUED
Category:Meme stories