Learning to Fly

is the seventh episode of the fourth season and the 50th overall episode of Station 19.
==Short Summary==
The Station 19 crew is called to a cult gathering where they find their leader, Brother John, dancing on the roof and claiming he can fly. Meanwhile, Travis gets a surprise visit from his father, and Dean makes a difficult decision that could affect his career trajectory.
==Full Summary==
Carina is lying awake on the floor in the kitchen. Maya exits their bedroom and sees her there.
Vic jogs through the park. She stops and sits down on the bench. Theo approaches her and asks if she had a tough shift. She tells him she hasn't even started, which he knows means it's a bad day. He tells her he saw the video. Vic says she's usually the person who finds the good in the bad, but it's hard in this case. Theo says he's pretty good at silver linings himself. He admits that he's been jogging up and down the park all morning looking for her. He's embarrassed from admitting it, but Vic smiles despite not having slept in two days. She went for a run anyway because she was too scared to say yes the first time he asked her out. He reaches his hand out so their fingers brush each other.
Sullivan wakes up to an empty bed. Andy then comes in with food. It's not Carina's French toast, but it's the only thing Andy knows how to make for breakfast. She tells him Maya asked her to step in as captain for the week. They can't have a sub because of COVID, so the department said a lieutenant could do it. Sullivan goes quiet, realizing Andy will be his boss, but says it's good and he's happy for her. He says there should be no special treatment, like when he was her captain. She reaches under the blanket and says maybe a little special treatment.
Marsha is FaceTiming with Jack, Inara, and Marcus. She's feeling better and wants some gossip. She asks Jack and Inara when they're going to get together. Marcus says they already have and think he doesn't know, which delights Marsha and surprises Inara and Jack.
Emmett does a nasal swab on Travis so he can be tested for COVID. Vic cracks a joke about it and Travis takes that to mean she saw the running guy. Travis tells Emmett that Vic has a crush on a firefighter from another station and won't tell him who it is. She says she's keeping it close to the vest, but he wants to know anyway. She says there's nothing to tell anyway. Once they've been swabbed, they leave and Andy and Jack come to get their swabs. Jack lets Andy go first because she's the captain. He reminds her that Maya could have picked him. Andy says Maya picked her because Maya likes her better. And she reminds Jack that it's only happening because her girlfriend's brother was murdered, which makes Jack feel awful.
Andy sees Ben at the station and is surprised he's there. She thought he'd be at home. He says his kids' grandma just died, but they didn't know DeLuca, so they don't need his extra grief. He was going to ask Maya to be on desk duty, but Andy says she's on bereavement leave with Carina, so Andy's in charge. She approves him being on desk duty.
Carina sits on the shower leaning against the wall. She tells Maya she knows it looks crazy. She can't get comfortable. The bed and the couch are too soft and when she gets too comfortable, she starts to cry and she can't cry anymore because it gives her a headache and it's exhausting and she's already so tired and sleep is the only way to escape from the guilt. She's in the shower to try to fall asleep. Maya tells Carina it's not her fault. Maya asks if screaming would help her feel better. She nods, but finds she can't scream and just starts crying again. Maya sits next to her, but she says Maya's too soft, so Maya backs off.
Emmett asks Travis if he's dating. He says he tried to and went on a few video dates, but then he saw his dad on there and backed off. Emmett says Alicia once found a picture of some guy's junk on his phone. He pretended it was a joke from a guy from school and she believed it. He finds that people a really good at lying to themselves for self-preservation. The station doorbell rings and it's Travis's father. Paul spots him and Travis makes him put on his mask before letting him in. Paul has a tin of cookies from his mother. Emmett excuses himself and leaves. Paul then asks Travis to come over and help install security on their computer because his Facebook was hacked and it seems that someone stole his picture. No way to tell where that might end up. Travis knows he's lying, but a call comes in before they can talk more. Travis gives the tin of cookies back and tells him the cookies may help wash down the shame.
Jack asks Travis if that was his dad and Travis says it was and makes a quip about him being gay. They start climbing into the truck and Andy makes Sullivan sit in the probie seat, which upsets him.
Maya is making the bed when Carina comes in with a suitcase. She says she has to go to Italy to tell her dad. She has to do it in person because she doesn't know how he's going to react to the news, so she needs to be there. Maya tells her there are no flights to Italy right now. Both borders are closed. Even if she could get there, they're in a pandemic. Carina is overwhelmed with everything she has to do. She has to call the funeral home and Andrew's landlord and the bank. And she has to tell her dad. But what she wants to do right now is screaming until her throat hurts more than her head and her stomach. Maya tells her to scream then. She can't and goes back to the bathroom to sit in the shower.
Vic is quizzing Dean as they drive to the call, but he doesn't want to do it right now. He talked to Battalion Chief Gregory and Gregory said while he approves of what they did for Jada and Shanice, brass is concerned with him suing the police department. Gregory thinks he has to choose between fighting for justice for Joyce and furthering his career. They hear music as they approach the call.
They arrive and find a number of people dancing in identical outfits on a lawn. Up on a building is Brother John, who has a headset and is talking to them. He says if he believes he can fly, he can fly. The firefighters realize it's a cult.
Andy uses a megaphone to talk to John on the roof, telling him he's not a bird and can't fly. She tells the team to get the air bag. They're not waiting for PD on this one. John keeps up his preaching as they watch from below. On the ground, Gideon, one of the followers, tells them they don't understand what John is doing. They're trapped in their own minds while his followers are free. Andy asks if they're free or on drugs and he says they don't do drugs. They're high on the magic of humanity that was beaten out of them as children. Andy says he'll be high on COVID if he doesn't put his mask back on. Warren Sterman approaches from behind and introduces himself. He lives nearby and is the one who called. Andy sends Jack to get up to the roof to talk to John. Warren says these people aren't grounded in reality and you can't talk sense to them. They'll do whatever John tells them to do. Andy uses the megaphone to ask John what he's doing up there. John steps up onto the ledge and says he's demonstrating faith. Andy checks with Dispatch to see where PD is.
Ben tells someone on the phone that bleach is not an effective remedy. As he hangs up, he hears someone call through the door. Jerry has his blood-covered hand wrapped in a towel. Ben asks him what he did. Jerry shows his finger, which has a serious cut on it. He was using a fabric cutter and was distracted and it went right over his finger. Ben looks at his finger and says there's no nerve damage, but he'll need a hand surgeon. Jerry asks if he's sure he can't just fix it there. Ben says he's a surgeon, but not the right kind. Jerry makes his living playing the piano and really needs his finger. Ben goes to call ahead to the hospital, but Jerry says he won't go. He's severely immunocompromised because he's living with HIV. His friend lost his partner and they went to the hospital for chest pains. Three days later, he was on a ventilator and three days after that, he was dead. He'll just go home, ice it, and hope it heals. Ben tells him he'll help Jerry, but Jerry can't tell anyone. Jerry agrees.
Carina comes into the kitchen. Maya asks if she slept. She says she didn't, but she tried, in the shower like a lunatic. Maya puts a sandwich in front of Carina and tells her she got everything sorted out with the funeral home. She called them and everyone else. She did all the things on Carina's list. Carina asks if there's and chance Maya can call her dad for her. Maya says that's one call she'll have to make for herself. Carina's scared to tell him. She gets up and says she's going to try again to scream.
Jack climbs the ladder up to the roof as the rest of the team moves the bag and prepares to set it up. PD arrives and Vic reminds Dean that they can't touch them in uniform. That pisses Dean off, but Sullivan says they need PD and have to work with them.
Jack steps up onto the roof. John invites Jack to dance with him. Jack declines, but John says it's because of shame. He tells Jack to absorb some of his energy. Jack tries to get John to move away from the edge. On the ground Officer Buckner calls up and tells John he needs to come down now. John says the systems are designed to instill fear in them. He steps back up on the edge. Jack starts to dance to get John to come back off the edge. John says he feels a connection to Jack. He's been like Jack, alone and lost. He asks Jack when the last time was he felt safe to love.
On the ground, Vic starts recording Jack's dancing, saying she's going to need him to remember. Sullivan asks what's wrong with those people. They see Gideon nearby hyperventilating, but know it may be on purpose. They watch as Gideon sits on a tree stump and then falls off the back. They run to help him.
Jack says he's tired and asks if they can sit. They continue dancing as John continues to talk about energy. Jack radios down that John is still planning to jump, so they need to have the bag ready.
On the ground, Vic and Dean try to tend to Gideon, who is still trying to dance despite being injured. They believed he'd dislocated his shoulder, among other things. He says pain is only in the flesh and he must keep vibrating. He suddenly leans over and licks Dean's forehead. Vic wipes his forehead off. Dean then looks over and sees Officer Wicklund, one of the officers who was there when he was arrested.
Jerry tells Ben that COVID is reminding him of the 80s. He went to Manhattan School of Music. It was his first time away from home and in a city. It was freedom. Then the plague came. They called it Gay-Related Immune Deficiency. The queer community was isolated and he lost friend after friend. He'd worked so hard to live out loud and he was suddenly back in the fear and shame, afraid to get close to anyone or live his life. Like now. There's misinformation and politicians refusing to acknowledge it.
Vic is still trying to treat Gideon. Gideon suddenly grabs Officer Buckner around his chest on holds him. Buckner asks him to let go and pushes him off. Dean is watching from a distance. Wicklund comes to Dean and tries to apologize, but Dean doesn't want to hear it as Wicklund stood by while his partner arrested them. Wicklund says Officer Schneider was suspended after Wicklund reported him. Dean says it's not even about what they did to him. If they hadn't gone into that house, Jada and Shanice would be dead.
Maya is doing pushups in the living room. Carina walks in, finally dressed. She showered because she was in there anyway and couldn't sleep. She says she didn't want to call Maya while she was in that car with Andrew because she knew Maya would try to talk her out of it, which is exactly what she did. She thinks it's all her fault because she didn't stop Andrew from getting on the train. Maya says none of it's her fault. She should blame Maya instead. They need to get some of the blame off her, so she can blame Maya and Maya can take it. She should have gotten to them sooner. She should have been there. Carina says it's not Maya's fault and Maya asks why it's hers then. Carina starts to cry and Maya tells Carina to give her the guilt and the blame because she can take it. She can hold it for a while and when Carina's ready, she can take it back. Carina starts to cry and Maya knows she's being too soft. She apologizes and leaves.
Officer Garza tells Andy they're shutting the music down and asks what she wants to do. She says she wants Jack to try a little longer to get him down. Warren warns them to look out for John. He looks crazy, but he's a charmer and he's dangerous.
Jack pleads with John to take a step back. John tells Jack he runs away from danger, real danger. John takes off his headset and says everyone there has learned the same lessons as him. All of them came to him bruised and alone. He's like them. He craves family and togethership. John says he's an orphan, too, which is why he built this family. He knows Jack doesn't like being alone. His children are full. Jack begs John to take a step back. John says he will if Jack talks to him. Jack starts talking to him about Inara and Marcus and his fears. John says he wants to show Jack what fearlessness feels like. Suddenly, he turns and dives off the roof.
Everyone watches as John falls down and lands on the air bag. After a moment, he stands up. Jack climbs down from the roof. The followers celebrate as they put John on a gurney and wheel him to the aid car. Once he's in, Wicklund comes to ask John questions about some outstanding warrants, so Dean swaps Travis, so Travis steps in and works on John. Travis asks Wicklund if the questions can wait until they get him to the hospital because they need to leave. Wicklund agrees and backs off. Jack asks if he can ride with John and climbs into the aid car.
Travis radios the hospital about John as they drive there. In the back, Jack asks John if he was trying to die. John says he was trying to fly. The moment when he leapt was pure freedom and it was worth it.
As they drive back to the station, Sullivan complains about his back hurting. He sees Dean looking out the window and says they have to work with PD. Dean knows that. Sullivan says he needs to fix his face. Dean wonders if that's the reason things haven't changed, because they're too quick to fix their faces. Dean says he can work with them, but he doesn't think he needs to fix his face to do it. Heroes don't have to fix their faces.
Ben finishes bandaging Jerry's finger. He tells Jerry he'll have full function within a month. Jerry knows that Ben isn't okay. He knows the look. He asks if Ben has lost people. He's sure Ben has. Ben says his mother-in-law died and also a friend was just killed. Jerry knows about Andrew from the news. He makes a joke about it, which he says is how he's learned to cope. He's had to cope a lot, with this pandemic and the one back then. You feel like you're drowning in your grief. You forget how to breathe or even that you should. But there's one thing, that life preserver, that'll keep you afloat for long enough to conserve your energy. You hang onto it and let it keep you alive until you're no longer at sea. Jerry imagines Ben's is medicine, is helping people like him. His is music and Ben helped save his.
Carina paces in the living room and finally calls. The call connects and she tells her father that Andrew is dead. Then her face falls with what he says next. She ends the call soon afterward and tells Maya that her father heard two days ago and didn't reach out to her.
Maya leads Carina into the barn. She opens the door to the engine and turns on the siren. She tells Carina to scream. Carina says she can't, so Maya screams herself. Carina finally screams herself and then starts crying and hugs Maya.
Sullivan finds Andy at the station and says she could have had his back out there, instead of bumping him back to the probie seat. Andy says she's just doing her job. She reminds him that he said no special treatment. He says she's going to have to make it up to him at home.
Dean tells Vic it looks like John's going to make it. Ben is watching a cop show on TV and Dean asks him to turn it off, which he does. Dean says he's decided not to apply for lieutenant. Gideon put a cop in a vice grip and the cop called him sir. He pulled a kidnapped girl out of a building and they shoved his head into the pavement. Ben says he's known that's how it is his entire life. Vic says he has to apply and change things. Dean asks why they always have to change things. Him getting a seat at the table won't change anything. Look at Sullivan. And Gregory. Nothing has changed. Vic says they say to change the system from the inside and then you're inside and you're part of the system. The only part of the job that's not corruptible, the reason Dean left his cushy corporate life, is helping people. So he's going to help Joyce, even if that means putting his career on hold for a while. Dean also can't believe a dude licked him. Vic can't believe she's a little jealous. She suddenly leaves the room.
Downstairs, Vic pulls out the sub list and calls Theo. He tells her she kind of caught him at a bad time because he's about to meet someone. She's disappointed and hangs up, only to see Theo at the station door with flowers. She buzzes him in and stands back. She asks when his next swab is. He says Tuesday, the same as hers. They agree to see each other on Wednesday. He gives her the flowers and then leaves.
Jack gets home and kisses Inara. He says he's taking a leap. Over the tablet, Marsha cheers. Jack asks Marcus if he could be his mom's boyfriend. Marcus says he thought Jack already was. They kiss again.
Maya brings a mug into the bedroom for Carina, but finds her asleep in their bed. Maya puts the drink down, then climbs in behind Carina and holds her.
==Cast==
S194x07AndyHerrera.png|Andy Herrera
S194x07BenWarren.png|Ben Warren
S194x07RobertSullivan.png|Robert Sullivan
S194x07JackGibson.png|Jack Gibson
S194x07VictoriaHughes.png|Victoria Hughes
S194x07TravisMontgomery.png|Travis Montgomery
S194x07DeanMiller.png|Dean Miller
S194x07MayaBishop.png|Maya Bishop
S194x07CarinaDeLuca.png|Carina DeLuca
S194x07TheoRuiz.png|Theo Ruiz
S194x07OfficerWicklund.png|Officer Wicklund
S194x07EmmettDixon.png|Emmett Dixon
S194x07MarshaSmith.png|Marsha Smith
S194x07BrotherJohn.png|Brother John
S194x07Jerry.png|Jerry
S194x07Inara.png|Inara
S194x07WarrenSterman.png|Warren Sterman
S194x07PaulMontgomery.png|Paul Montgomery
S194x07Gideon.png|Gideon
S194x07Marcus.png|Marcus
S194x07OfficerBuckner.png|Officer Buckner
S194x07OfficerGarza.png|Officer Garza
===Main Cast===
*Jaina Lee Ortiz as Lieutenant Andy Herrera
*Jason George as Dr. Ben Warren
*Boris Kodjoe as Robert Sullivan
*Grey Damon as Lieutenant Jack Gibson
*Barrett Doss as Victoria Hughes
*Jay Hayden as Travis Montgomery
*Okieriete Onaodowan as Dean Miller
*Danielle Savre as Captain Maya Bishop
*Stefania Spampinato as Dr. Carina DeLuca
===Guest Stars===
*Carlos Miranda as Theo Ruiz
*Chris Coy as Officer Wicklund
*Lachlan Buchanan as Emmett Dixon
*Jayne Taini as Marsha Smith
*John Ales as Brother John
*Ezra Buzzington as Jerry
*Colleen Foy as Inara
*Jeff Doucette as Warren Sterman
*Robert Curtis Brown as Paul Montgomery
===Co-Starring===
*Neil Haskell as Gideon
*Ansel Sluyter-Obidos as Marcus
*Miguel Cohen as Officer Buckner
*Steve Bannos as Officer Garza
==Rescues==
===Brother John and Gideon===
Station 19 was called out to a building that housed a cult. They arrived to find a man calling himself Brother John on the roof while dozens of people danced on the ground below him. Brother John talked about being able to fly because he had faith, so they deployed an airbag beneath him on the ground. Meanwhile, Jack went up to the roof with a harness to try to talk him down. John tried to get Jack to absorb some of his energy and dance, going closer to the edge when Jack refused. Jack started dancing to get John to step away from the edge. Down on the ground, one of his followers, Gideon, fell, but refused to allow the firefighters to tend to him. Despite Jack's attempts to calm him down, John eventually jumped from the roof, but the air bag broke his fall. They then put him on a gurney and transported him to the hospital since he had abdominal pain and possible internal bleeding.
===Jerry===
Jerry came into the station after cutting himself on a fabric cutter. Ben told him he needed a surgeon, but Jerry was scared to go to the hospital because he has HIV and had seen a friend's partner die within a week of an ER visit for something unrelated. After some reluctance, Ben agreed to treat him using supplies from the PRT, but made him promise not to tell anyone. Once he was done, he told Jerry he would have full use of his finger in about a month.
==Music==
Song 	Performer 	Scene
"This Feeling" 	Alabama Shakes	
*Maya finds Carina lying on their kitchen floor.
*Vic jogs through the park. She stops to sit on a bench and cries.
*Theo finds her and they talk about what happened with the arrests.
*He admits to looking for her on the trail.
*Sullivan wakes up alone.
"" 	 	
*The firefighters arrive at the cult, where people are dancing while Brother John calls from the roof.
"Higher" 	Bishop Briggs 	
*Everyone watches as Brother John falls.
*They start celebrating as he stands up from the air bag.
*They have to part the crowd to get the gurney through.
"Lay Your Head on Me"	Major Lazer 	
*Theo comes to meet Vic.
*She asks when his next test is. They agree to meet when that happens.
*Jack goes to see Inara and kisses her.
*Marcus and Marsha are happy and celebrate.
*Maya brings Carina a drink, but she's sleeping.
*Maya climbs into bed behind her and holds her.
"This Feeling" - Alabama Shakes
"Higher" - Bishop Briggs
"Lay Your Head on Me" - Major Lazer
==Notes and Trivia==
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*This episode's title originated from the song , originally sung by Pink Floyd.
*This episode scored 5.10 million viewers.https://web.archive.org/web/20210319204117/http://www.showbuzzdaily.com/articles/showbuzzdailys-top-150-thursday-cable-originals-network-finals-3-18-2021.html
*Gideon licking Dean's face was accomplished through green screen rather than actual physical contact. Neil Haskell and Oak were a few inches apart with a green screen in the background. Neil just "licked" the air and the distance between the actors was digitally eliminated.
*Jerry discusses living through the early days of AIDS. The Time Warp shows Ellis Grey and Richard Webber treating a patient with aids in the same time period.
*Carina mourning Andrew while lying on the kitchen floor is reminiscent of Izzie Stevens spending the day after Denny's death on the bathroom floor at Meredith's house.
*The building the cult was worshipping at is the House of the Book, a performance hall and part of the Brandeis-Bardin Institute in Simi Valley, California. The House of the Book is a popular filming location for sci-fi productions, the most well known being Camp Khitomer for Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country and the Command Center for Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.
==Gallery==
===Episode Stills===
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==Quotes==
==See Also==
de:Absprung
Category:All Episodes
Category:S19 Episodes
Category:S19 S4 Episodes