D'oh-in' in the Wind/Quotes

:[After appearing in a recruitment film for Springfield Nuclear Power Plant, Homer decides to join the Screen Actors' Guild. He needs his middle name for the S.A.G. form, but only knows his middle initial.]
:Homer: Hey, Dad, what does the 'J' stand for?
:Grampa: How should I know? It was your mother's job to name you, and love you and such. I was mainly in it for the spanking.
:Homer: But I can't ask Mom; she's on the run from the law!
:Grampa: Serves her right for being a 60s radical! [fondly remembering] Though she was a demon in the sack!
----
:Lisa: Why would Lenny want someone to saw his legs off?
:Homer: Well, there were script problems from day one.
:Bart: Didn't seem like anyone even read the script.
:Homer: That was the problem.
----
:[Mr. Burns has a jar of garlic pickles]
:Mr. Burns: No one will want to kiss me after these, eh, Smithers?
:Smithers: Well, it's their loss, sir.
----
:Mr. Burns: What we need around here is some fresh blood.
:Smithers: Would you like me to drain Simpson while he's passed out, sir?
----
:[The family tries to help Homer with the S.A.G. form.]
:Bart: Why not just make up a middle name?
:Lisa: You might as well. You already made up a phony film credit.
:Homer: No! Homer Simpson never lies twice on the same form. He never has and he never will.
:Marge: You lied dozens of times on our mortgage application.
:Homer: Yes, but they were all part of a single ball of lies.
----
:Mr. Burns: To attract the top grads we'll need to make a recruitment film a picture that showcases our cutting-edge technology.
:Smithers: A talkie, sir?
:Mr. Burns: Yes, brilliant! That's just the kind of far-out gimmick we need!
----
:[In search of Homer's middle name, he and Grampa visit Groovy Grove Natural Farm, the commune where Homer's mom Mona went after leaving Abe. They meet Seth and Munchie, middle-aged hippies who now run a juice business at the farm. They remember Mona.]
:Seth: You know, Homer, your mom was a pretty groovy chick.
:Munchie: And a demon in the sack! [They both chuckle.]
:Grampa: Oh, you heard about that, eh? [He laughs.]
:[Seth and Munchie go silent for a moment, glance at each other, and then laugh along with Grampa.]
----
:A young Homer is dancing naked at Woodstock, to the amusement of Mona and the anger of Abe.
:Abe: Shame on you, boy! Put some damn pants on and then pull 'em down, 'cause it's time for a spankin'!
----
:Homer: Hear ye! Hear ye! The intergalactic jester proclaims this conformity factory closed!
:Principal Skinner: Hmm. Fifteen years of loyal service, and this is how they tell me... A jester with an invisible proclamation.
----
:Lisa: Dad, do you mind? Your feet are really close to my potato.
:Homer: Your potato? You can't, like, own a potato, man! It's one of Mother Earth's creatures.
----
:Homer: [belches]
:Marge: Homer, excuse yourself.
:Homer: No way, narc! Bodily functions are a natural thing.
:Bart: Not to mention hilarious!
----
:[Having embraced the hippie lifestyle, Homer tries to get Marge to go along with him.]
:Homer: Marge, you've got too many hang-ups. Like, the whole shaving trip. Come on, I want to see those legs all furry and gross!
:Marge: That ain't gonna happen, bub.
:Homer: Well, at least lose the bra. Free the Springfield Two, Marge! Free the Springfield Two!
:Marge: [grumbles] I think you've had too much strawberry wine.
----
:Kent Brockman: A spokesman attributed the production shutdown to a half-witted oaf.
:Homer: Aw, it was sweet of those guys to blame an oaf, but really it was my fault. I just don't have the discipline to be a hippie.
:Marge: Oh, does this mean you're going to start showering again?
:Homer: Perhaps, in time.
----
:[While cleaning house, Marge notices an empty space where the couch is supposed to be. Then she hears a scream coming from outside. Investigating, she goes outside and sees that Maude Flanders is screaming at the sight of Homer lying naked on the couch, playing with his Frisbee.]
:Maude: [still screaming] Help! Oh, I've never seen anything like- [covers eyes] My eyes have been soiled!
:Homer: [standing up facing Maude] Come on, Maude, the human wang is a beautiful thing!
----
:[At Groovy Grove, Homer tries to get Seth and Munchie to go along with him to freak people out.]
:Seth: Yeah, an old-time freak-out sounds tempting, Homer, but [sighing] we've got a big order to fill.
:Homer: [sarcastically] Fine. I guess the juice business is more important than the ideals our hippie forefathers refused to go to war and die for.
:Munchie: I suppose we could duck out for a couple of hours.
:Seth: Hey, we'll call it a business trip and write off the mileage!
:Homer: Now your freak flag's flyin'! Let the freak-out begin!
----
:[After his Frisbee ruins a whole batch of juice, Homer resolves to make things right by re-making the batch at night while Seth and Munchie sleep. Homer greets them first thing the next morning.]
:Homer: [to Munchie] Good morning, starshine! [to Seth] Seth.
:[Seth and Munchie notice the empty field and gasp.]
:Munchie: What's going on?
:Seth: What happened to our crops?
:Homer: I picked 'em, juiced 'em, and delivered 'em to every store in town. Your business is saved!
:Munchie: But there weren't enough vegetables left to fill that order!
:Homer: That's what I thought at first. But then I found the other garden behind the barn! The one with the camouflage netting.
:Munchie: Uh-oh.
:Seth: Homer ... those were our personal vegetables.
:Homer: "Well, now the whole town can benefit from their nutrients.
----
:Wiggum: Attention, hippies! Come out peacefully so we can smash your drug mill and all your worldly possessions!
----
:[Groundskeeper Willie, at the elementary school, tosses back a bottle of the hippie juice.]
:Groundskeeper Willie: [opening his eyes, dropping the bottle in disbelief] Fergie!
:Sarah Ferguson: [leaning against a purple tree while stars float by] Willie... You complete me.
:Groundskeeper Willie: Saints be praised!
:Sarah Ferguson Oh, closer...
:Groundskeeper Willie: I've always dreamed of this moment!
:[The two embrace passionately. In reality, Willie, walking over to a regular tree, has a rake in his hands, which he uses to claw up his face, sighing contentedly.]
----
:[Stopped in traffic, Ned Flanders drinks the juice in his car, and is shocked at his hallucinations.]
:Flanders: Huh?
:[Teddy bears and skeletons cross the road and laugh.]
:Skeleton: Mornin', Ned!
:[Next, marching hammers cross the road, and one looks at Ned, showing that it has the Rolling Stones' "Lips & Tongue."]
:Hammer Lips: Pucker up, Ned!
:[The Hammer comes closer to Ned and attempts to kiss him. Ned screams.]
----
:[The juice freaks people out all over town, including at the police station. Chief Wiggum notices Lou spinning in a chair, laughing and holding a bottle of juice.]
:Wiggum: Lou. Lou! Are you all right?
:Lou: The electric yellow has got me by the brain banana.
:Wiggum: I ... see.
:[Wiggum grabs the bottle from Lou, dips a fingertip into the juice, and has a taste.]
:Wiggum: My God, it's nothing but carrots and peyote!
:Eddie: Damn longhairs never learn, Chief.
:Wiggum: It's time for a good old-fashioned hippie ass-whomping!
es:D'oh-in' In the Wind/Frases