The Family Fools

The thirteenth chapter of Total Drama: Superstar Showdown, posted on August 2, 2014. It's the merge, so Roz invites the remaining contestants' loved ones - plus an ex-Total Drama contestant - for a family trivia challenge.
==Story==
“Last time on Total Drama: Superstar Showdown…” says Roz, in the same place she was last episode, still in her car with Red. “I don’t know what happened. Maybe because I WASN’T FREAKING THERE. Seriously, this is awful, I am beginning to seriously regret going to Booger Fling. Mickey D’s, I’ll never betray you again… Ugh. Well, I mean, I at least have my Reddy, but other than that, the past few days have been pretty awful.”
“Wanna make out or something? The car hasn’t moved in a day,” interrupts Red.
“Shut up, I’m trying to do a recap!” snaps Roz. “Anyway, I don’t really know any of the events that took place, except Helga was voted out, which makes me reeeeally sad. Girl had potential, and they just had to cut her plot short like that? Sometimes I question the Ralphcakes. Thankfully, the Ralphcakes will be no more after today, since we’re merging! Yaaaay! I might have to tell Chappy that, actually… He’s old and he might have amnesia or something… All right, let’s get this show on the road. Camera, go pan over to the cabin. I wanna see them suffer in the cold. Hehe.”
The camera does, sure enough, pan to the cabin, where almost everyone is sound asleep in various places - the floor, the couches, and the bed. Nic is lying on the bed, playing the accordion very badly.
“Ugh, will you quiet down?” whispers Estrella, who’s sleeping in the bed next to him, but as far away as possible. “I need my sleep, jerk. Thirteen hours won’t cut it.”
“Aw, Estrella! I am sincerely sorry! I was just trying to get Al’s part in Sea Shanty down. P.S., I have just finished watching Food Fright. Oh, man, Al is so orgasmic,” blushes Nic.
“News flash: I don’t care,” says Estrella, and she buries her face in her pillow and tries to resume sleeping.
Veronica walks out from the bathroom. “There’s room on the bed… baaaabe,” Nic says, and plays his accordion some more.
“Dude! I told you to stop that!” hisses Estrella.
“Uh, Nic, I’d love to get in the bed, it looks comfortable… But I’m just not that tired, you know? It’s like the morning,” says Veronica. “Sorry, though! I’m sure it’d be fun.”
“Oh, yes. It would be fun all right,” says Nic, raising one eyebrow while Alejandro’s theme tune dubiously plays in the background. Once it’s done, strange accordion music featuring a German man yodeling starts to play. Nic reaches down into the covers and presses a button on his phone, and it stops.
Estrella says in the confessional, “Welp. Helga is gone, and I am NOT happy, because that makes one actually sane person left in the game, and that sane person is me. And Flora to a lesser extent, but she’s so sane it’s offensive. Veronica is dumber than a bag of bricks. No, forget that, dumber than a bag of Nics. Can’t she see Nic is just lusting over her? I doubt it, considering she’s been pushed around by a variety of individuals… I thought she took a level in intelligence once she stood up to Layla. But nope. Point is, the girl irks me.”
Trey is shown, playing with his dreadlocks and lying face-down on the couch. Gary is shown next to him, looking at him angrily.
“Man, I hate that guy,” whispers Gary.
Gary says in the confessional, “Trey is really not a cool guy! Back on Tiki Island, you know how much of a rude jerk he was. And now that the merge is probably coming -- you know, it’s scientifically proven -- I’ll have to live in the same cabin as him. Maybe Nic, Arthur and I can pull out the ol’ bouzouki and jam out to “Greek Mix” again, this time with even harsher lyrics!”
A sound is then heard, of someone frantically jiggling the doorknob from the outside and trying to get in.
An annoyed Chelsey takes off her sleeping mask and wakes up. “Guys, it’s Arthur. Don’t let him in, seriously. He was sleepwalking earlier, with the Puber T underwear on.” She shudders. “It was NOT a pretty sight.”
Flora wakes up. “Chelsey, aren’t you a little mean to Arthur? He’s not even that bad…”
“Not that bad? NOT THAT BAD?!” Julia rages. “He is the worst person on Earth. I will NEVER forgive him for breaking my favorite tree, Jimmy. Oh, also: I hate you all for eliminating Helga. Every single one of you.”
“Same,” Wolfgang grunts from the corner. “...Wait, why did I talk.”
“I also hate YOU, for SUCKING FACE with my BEST FRIEND behind my BACK!” screams Julia.
“Hey, quit it. Nobody ever confirmed one way or another if Helga and I made out,” growls Wolfgang. “And I thought you hated Helga?”
Wolfgang says in the confessional, “I, for sure, didn’t hate Helga. She was the only cool person here. So now I basically have to win this thing to make up for the fact that she was booted pre-merge. Humph. I still want to date her, though.”
“I just hate her a little less than the rest of you turds,” Julia says. “And Flora, you’re not an exception just because you’re boring. You said Arthur 'isn’t even that bad' so you’re on my hate list.”
A creaking noise is heard by the door. Then, Arthur jumps in, covered in snow. “It’s colder than a witch’s tit out there!” he yells.
“Ew, how did you get in?” Chelsey asks.
“I once went to Picky Steve’s Lock-Picking Camp,” Arthur says, brushing off the snow. “But hey, guys, it’s almost Xmas! Today’s the 24th. Who is ready for some pubescent festivities?”
“Do you know what I want for Christmas?” Layla says. “Well, I mean, I’m not a practicing Christian. But I want Charles to come back… or a pedicure, that’d be cool too. HINT, HINT.”
Veronica gets out of bed and joins the group. “Keep dreaming, gurl,” she scoffs.
Veronica is shown in the confessional. “Did I really just say ‘gurl?' Oh no! I’m not sure what the other Chicks Against Boringness will think… I guess it’s signs of a personality but I really don’t want to be a Chelsey. But I have to stand up to Layla!”
A shuffling noise is heard in the chimney. “Oh, I seem to be stuck…” says a familiar voice. “Would anyone be kind enough to assist me?”
A crack is then heard, and Mr. Chapman, dressed as Santa, falls on his behind from the chimney. “Greetings, contestants! It was very stuffy in there.”
“Oh my GOD, it’s Santa!” says Gary happily, jumping up and down. “...Uh. Never mind, it’s just Chappy. Poo.”
Arthur then points at Trey. “Oh my GOD, it’s Santa!” he shouts.
“Hilarious… You’re so clever…” says Trey, shaking his head.
“Such cleverness. Much funniness. Wow,” says Gary. Wolfgang shoots him a death glare.
Mr. Chapman clears his throat, and everyone looks at him. “So, as you may or may not know, Roz is still stuck in her traffic predicament. But since tomorrow is Christmas, a time of joy and cheer, I have organized a special challenge for you all. You all know that Christmas is a time to celebrate and socialize with your loved ones, right?”
“Well, if you qualify ‘socializing’ as ‘attempting to get Uncle Arturo sober before he kills my guinea pig,' then yes. Oh, and this was not a one-time event,” Arthur says.
After a long pause, Mr. Chapman continues. “As I was saying. I have hand-picked… actually, Roz has hand-picked one person for each of you who means something to you. They are currently on location and will be competing with you in a challenge. Now, once we go outside, we shall meet them.”
Wolfgang says in the confessional, “My family is dysfunctional. Like, yeah, I know Arthur says crap about his family all the time but seriously. Everyone is either a super laid-back hippie or exactly like me, which gets old quickly. They’re all INSANE and I really don’t wish to see any of them today. Especially since Helga is gone. I just wanna see her, but whatever, it’ll probably be my @#$%&y sister. Ugh.”
“Uh, why have you said literally nothing about the teams? Are we merged or something?” scoffs Layla as they walk outside.
“Oh,” says Mr. Chapman, and takes out a party blower thing. “Yes, the teams are now merged! Hooray, final 10 and a half! Now, let us meet the loved ones, in alphabetical order for your convenience. Arthur, here is…”
“Pleasedon’tbeunclearturo,” chants Arthur over and over.
“Actually, it is your mother, Beth. I am sure she will give you some motherly advice today. You know, my parents are still alive,” Mr. Chapman says. “They are ninety-eight each and still going strong.” Nobody says anything.
An overweight woman with gray hair whose face resembles a potato walks out from behind the bushes. “Aaaahthuh,” she says. “Glad to see yer losin’ weight, hon. On yer way to becomin’ a healthy and well-built young man. Where’s yer Puber T underwear? I demand y’ t’ weah it.”
“That’s it, mommy? No ‘hello’ or whatever? Not even a ‘how are you doing’? I am not even losing weight, as a matter of fact. But I suppose I’ll put on my Puber T underwear,” Arthur says.
“Oh god, don’t. Seriously. You’ll be doing us all a huge favor,” says a worried Chelsey.
“Speaking of puberty…” says Mr. Chapman. “Chelsey, here is your younger sister, Allison.”
“Ew, her?” says Wolfgang, rolling his eyes. “How many friends on HeadNovel does she have now?”
A girl who looks exactly like Chelsey, minus five years, walks out from the bushes texting. “Um. Hi. Who are all these losers?” she says in a voice that resembles Chelsey’s, but an octave higher and much shriller.
“Wow, she takes after you! She is beautiful as well,” gushes Nic.
“Don’t even start. I have a boyfriend named Jax who gave me two hundred bucks. He’s really sexy and I’m loaded now, so I don’t need to talk to jerks like you,” Allison says.
“Two hundred bucks? Where can I learn more about this information?!” says Layla desperately.
“Before we get into any more shenanigans, I want to announce the rest of the loved ones, for this is going by slowly. Estrella, your uncle Aurelio is here,” announces Mr. Chapman.
“OH MY GOD!” says Estrella, actually smiling. Everyone stares at her. “That didn’t just happen.”
Estrella says in the confessional, “It did just happen.” She bangs her head against the sink in front of her. “I’m sorry, but my uncle is just… one of the only decent people I know, seriously. He plays the guitar, goes on adventures, and all in all is the direct opposite of me which is what makes me love hanging out with him so much. We better win the freaking challenge.”
“Whoa, hey,” says a man walking out. He’s clothed entirely in black, has long, flowing black hair, a beard, and a top hat. “Estrella! You’re surviving?! I mean, I got into some scuffles on my way here myself, but that’s a whole ‘nother story. Glad to see you’re doin’ well.” He hugs Estrella, who flashes glares at the other contestants.
“You need t’ cut your hair,” says Mrs. Westover rudely.
“Flora, your father, John Smith, is here,” says Mr. Chapman.
An extremely average-looking man wearing a collared T-shirt, a tie, and khakis walks out. “Hi, how are ya?” he says to everyone.
“Yay, hi, daddy!” says Flora, rushing up to her boring-looking father and awkwardly hugging him.
“Hi, Flora. You been taking your pills?” Mr. Smith says. Layla rolls her eyes.
“Um, gurl, if you’re gonna non-verbally throw shade at people, you have to be a little more subtle about it. Gosh,” says Allison to Layla.
“Allison? Just a little tip. Literally nobody says ‘throwing shade’ in real life. Nobody. No wonder mom said you were developmentally impaired,” says Chelsey angrily
Gary looks excited. “So, Chappy, is my bro Larry here? I haven’t talked to him ever since he started studying abroad in St. Lucia, and I really miss the guy! You know, he taught me everything I know.”
Sure enough, a semi-handsome guy in his early 20’s, with long, shaggy blonde hair and a t-shirt depicting an internet meme comes out. He looks absolutely nothing like Gary other than his dotted eyes and identical nose.
“Wow. Much people. Such crowd. Very drama,” Larry says.
“If someone could set my body on fire right now, that’d be great,” says Estrella.
Chelsey says in the confessional, “The fact that Gary’s brother is actually good looking is like so amazing. Oh my god, I’m so sorry, Donny. But seriously. The sad thing is, once he quoted that stupid unfunny meme he plummeted down to the very bottom of the Popularity Meter. Sucks to be him! I’d still like to make out with him though… but I feel like his nose would get in the way. The struggle.”
“Julia!” says Mr. Chapman. “Your best friend, May, is here. He is an interesting young fellow, I am sure you all will like him.”
“Oh. Perfect,” grumbles Julia.
“Wait, what? May? I do not even know this schmuck. Is he at our school, and more importantly, what kind of guy goes by 'May'? Well, just bring him out so I can make fun of him,” Arthur says.
“Sonny. Remember wha’ I told you abou’ makin’ fun of people? Like when you said Cousin Reggie’s head was shaped like a vulgar object an’ he had to get intensive psychiatric care?” Mrs. Westover scolds.
A boy who is the spitting image of Arthur, but with an afro, walks out of the bushes. “Hey, Julia!” he says in a surprisingly high-pitched voice. “I misse--”
“No,” says Arthur. “I am done with life.” He falls down onto the ground, curls up into a ball, and starts rocking back and forth.
“Get up,” scolds his mother.
“Wait…” says Julia, looking at the two boys. “GOD DAMNIT! It's worse than I thought! May, I’m gonna win this season and then I’ll use the money to get you plastic surgery. Nobody deserves to go through life looking like that guy.”
“Um, we look nothing alike,” says May. “He’s fat. Also, I’d never go around wearing a shirt that says ‘Puber T’ on it. Gross.”
“‘Ey, kid! I shed blood, sweat an’ tears -- ESPECIALLY tears -- workin’ on that shirt. Don’t be dissin’ it on my watch, or you’ll wish you had never come here,” Mrs. Westover says, and rolls up her sleeves.
“Ummm, lady, you might want to lose some of that chin flab. You look like William Howard Taft,” May says rudely.
Suddenly, another man walks out from the bushes, though this one is more familiar-looking. He seems to be in his mid-to-late 60s, has gelled gray hair that he is growing out, and is wearing a leather vest. “Gree--” he begins.
“OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD,” Layla says, and continues to repeat it.
“...tings,” finishes Charles. “It is nice to be back. Hello, Layla. Have you been able to do physical activity without me?”
“No,” Veronica says. “No, she really hasn’t.”
“Shut up, Veronica,” says Layla curtly, and she rushes over to Charles and tackle-hugs him. “Okay, I have this little list of all the stuff I’ve been wanting. Uh, three lattes, a bottle of whiskey, a complete mani-pedi with nail polish and everything, a perm -- my hair’s been getting really straight and ugly lately -- some new lip gloss, and a massage on every single part of my body.”
“Oh, but I am not going to be staying for long, just for this challenge. Is that okay? Also, I thought you were more of an independent person now. I guess some things never change, do they?” says Charles.
“What are you talking about? Of course I’m independent!” says Layla.
“Um, I beg to disagree,” says Veronica sassily. “You asked me to carry you from the couch to the fridge earlier. They’re literally two steps away from each other. Plus, you’re not that skinny, so… no thanks.”
“Oh, Layla, are you becoming hefty?” says Charles remorsefully. “Well, I have gotten into some escapades myself. Back in Japan, I met this vixen known as Agnes, and…”
“I am sorry to disrupt you from telling your extremely interesting story,” says Mr. Chapman without a hint of sarcasm. “But we must continue on with the family members. This is already proving to be very long and tedious. Nic, you are next, and…”
A Latin theme begins to play, but this time it doesn’t seem to be emanating from Nic’s phone. Sure enough, ex-Total Drama competitor Alejandro walks out from the bushes.
“I do not see a single person I know here…” Alejandro says. “Is this the right place? Greetings, my fellow competitors. I am Alejandro Burromuerto.” Nic turns white and faints.
“Oh my god, he’s just as tan in real life,” says Allison, while updating her HeadNovel status furiously.
“Um, nobody uses HeadNov-- oh my god, he’s just as tan in real life,” Chelsey says, with her mouth gaping wide. “Omg, Al, here’s my number!” She rushes up to him and hands him a slip of paper.
“Thank you, mi amor. I will be sure to keep this and treasure it in a special place for a special girl like you,” Alejandro says. Chelsey swoons.
Estrella is shown in the confessional. “Are they really falling for his bull@#$%, AGAIN? You’d think Chelsey, who advertises herself as some huge mastermind or whatever, would be too smart for that. I mean, Al IS hot, I’m not lying. I can see the appeal... but I’d never date him. Or anyone. Definitely not.”
“I shall make this quick,” says Mr. Chapman. “Trey, here is your brother, Keenan.”
“Oh, man, he’s here…? He’s so cool, though… Unlike me...” says Trey.
A guy who looks basically like Trey did during Total Drama: Tiki Jungle, but with a blue shirt and spiky black hair, walks out. “Hey, bros!” he says. “Yo! Trey! What happened to your tan, dude? It seems like I haven’t seen you in forever.”
“You haven’t… Usually I just retreat to my room when I’m at home… And I have existential crises and sigh a lot…” says Trey. He then whispers to Keenan quietly, “They think I’m gay. Just don’t ask any questions.”
Keenan says in the confessional, “Uh… What’s up with Trey, man? He seems all mopey and stuff on the outside, but what he just whispered to me basically proved he’s still his jerkish, manipulating self. How is he even still in the game, wasn’t he like an infamous villain or something?”
“Veronica. Your cousin, Marisa,” says Mr. Chapman.
A girl who looks similar to Veronica, but brunette with a pink streak in her hair, walks out. “Wow. Um, what’s going on here?” she says very loudly while blowing a bubble of gum. “Veronica, you being as much of a doormat here as you are at home?”
“Hey! I’m not a doormat,” says Veronica. “Believe me, I’ve been independent.”
“Yeah, sure,” says Marisa. “Flashback to Total Drama School, babe. At least you’re here at the merge. Got a boyfriend yet?”
“Well…” says Veronica. “Not really.” Marisa rolls her eyes.
Nic regains consciousness and suddenly stands up. “Oh, baby, I can be your…” He then sees Alejandro, his face turns white again, and he faints for the second time.
“And, last but not least…” says Mr. Chapman. “Wolfgang, one of your siblings is here to visit.”
“Ugh, no matter which one comes, it’ll be a nightmare,” groans Wolfgang.
A guy who seems to be in his mid-20s and resembles Wolfgang walks out. Both have the same unkempt look, but this guy is wearing tight brown skinny jeans and has multicolored, but mostly sandy brown, hair as well as five o’clock shadow and a leather vest.
He looks around at the silent group of people. “Hey, guys. I feel like we need more dancing happening right now,” he says. He then twirls in a circle. “Shoom! OK, that’s a little better. Hey, Wolfie!”
“Kyle? You? Really? Meh, you’re better than Whitney,” says Wolfgang grouchily. “But I never talk to you for a reason.”
“Aw, come on, cheer up! If it makes things better, you’re looking as cool as a fair number of cucumbers today,” Kyle says.
“I honestly prefer pickles,” says Wolfgang.
“Well, fellow…” says Charles, looking at Kyle. “I must say that I enjoy your leather vest. Though, I must also say that I wear it better. It showcases my muscles more.”
Before Mr. Chapman can say anything, Roz and Red’s car pulls up. “Get out!” hisses Roz, and Red runs out of the car and into the distance. She then looks at the contestants and their loved ones awkwardly, and gets out. “Hey, well, I’m FINALLY back!”
“Totally missed you,” says Estrella, rolling her eyes.
“Aww, you know you love me, Strelly,” says Roz. “Anyway, Chappy will obviously take forever explaining the challenge, and we are reeeeally running out of time, so let’s make this extremely quick. Today, you guys won’t even be competing! Your loved ones will be answering trivia about you, that we all got from your convenient pre-season interviews, and everyone with a correct answer scores a point. First loved one to five wins immunity for their partner, and also gets to spend the night with them!”
“Hey, Dad,” Flora says, pulling Mr. Smith aside. “So, these people all think I’m boring… That makes me sad. Can you pretend that I’m really interesting at home and stuff when you’re answering the questions?”
“Why, I suppose…” says Flora’s dad. “But you want to win the challenge, right? I don’t know if lying will necessarily help.”
“Aw, man…” says Flora, pouting. “I guess… Wait! No! I still want you to do it.” Flora’s dad nods his head reluctantly.
“But Roz, this is not fair! I do not even know my partner!” protests Alejandro.
“He is madly in love with you. That’s all you even need to know,” says Roz. “All right, you guys ready? Too bad. Let’s begin! First question… What is your partner’s favorite color?”
“Black!” says Aurelio immediately.
“Zebra striped tie-dye,” Mr. Smith blurts out.
“Clear,” says Kyle.
“Brown, like the color of Larry Fashions’ luscious flow,” shouts May.
“Pink!” giggles Allison.
“Um… orange, I think?” Marisa says nonchalantly.
“Well, once Layla told me that her favorite color was magenta and she wanted a magenta unicorn… But I will go with light teal, as in the color of her velvety, million-dollar bedsheets,” Charles says.
“Allison scores a point!” says Roz.
“Yaaaaas, werk it, hunty!” says Chelsey.
“And so do the rest of you… well, except Flora!” says Roz. “Yeah, I don’t really see the zebra striped tie-dye thing. Flora, you’re too mainstream for that.” Flora frowns.
“Roz, this challenge is a sham!” Alejandro says. “I do not know a thing about this man.”
“Al, my favorite color is deep, creamy orange… Like your tanned skin…” gushes Nic.
An enraged Alejandro is shown in the confessional. “Tan injusto! Those imbeciles… My tanned skin?! Only Heather is allowed to say that! Espeluznante!”
“Next question,” says Roz. “Who or what is your partner truly in love with?”
“Julian!” says Aurelio. “I mean, ‘tis pretty obvious…” Estrella glares at him.
“Me…?” Alejandro says.
“Money,” states Charles, and Layla scoffs.
“Punk-rocker Donnie Bradke,” Mr. Smith says. “Flora likes the edgy guys.”
“He still hasn’t gotten over Ele--” begins Keenan. “Oh, wait, uh… Tom Monthly?”
“Gary still really likes Meg,” says Larry.
“I feel ya. M’ son has a bit of a crush on Julia here, even though she abuses him. Art is a pretty submissive guy,” Mrs. Westover states. Julia is shown with a horrified expression.
Julia says in the confessional, “Arthur… LIKES me?! What the @#$%?! First of all, ew, that’s REGUSTING, but…You mean he’s been an obnoxious moron for 17 years because he has a CRUSH ON ME?! Oh god that’s terrifying. I need to drink some bleach.”
“Aurelio, Charles, Larry, and Mrs. Westover score points!” says Roz. “Sorry Keen, Mr. S, and Al, but y’all are wrong. Aurelio leads with two, everyone else except Mr. Smith, Keenan and Alejandro have one! Next Q. What is your partner’s favorite food?”
“Cashews,” Mrs. Westover says. “Tied with McChickens.”
“Estrella isn’t the biggest eater, y’know…” says Aurelio. “I do know that she likes my signature ‘death cakes,' though!”
“Tofu!” says Allison.
“Yeah, same with Trey. He says it represents the blankness of his mind… I don’t even know,” says Keenan.
“Explosive lava cakes with rainbow jelly topped with pudding,” says Mr. Smith.
“...Burritos?” Alejandro says.
“Crunchy schnitzel,” says Kyle.
“Foie gras with mustard seeds and green onions,” Charles says. “Yes, in addition to being a butler and motorcyclist, I am also a skilled cook. Meaning, I was forced to make this for Layla every night…”
“Hey, I gave you crumb-sized portions,” snaps Layla. “Don’t complain.”
“Aurelio now has three points!” Roz exclaims. “This dude is on fire. Charles, Kyle, Mrs. Westover, Allison, y’all have two! Everyone else has one. Except Mr. Smith and Alejandro. You two make me sick. Next question… What was the last thing that your partner said to you before this competition?”
“Absolutely nothing? After all, I have never met him,” says Alejandro.
“Oh, well, Layla said ‘I'll miss you, Charles! Be sure to have lots of fun with your new job, or whatever you're doing,'” says Charles. “I remember this because it made me the happiest man in the world. Pity she’s back to her old ways.”
Nobody says anything else, and Roz pipes up. “All right, Charlie, you’re tied with Aurelio now! You each have three! Everyone else is still doing pretty mediocrely. But eh, whatever! Let’s see where this goes!”
A montage is shown with the loved ones answering questions, and finally, Charles and Aurelio are both shown to have five points. “Mkay…” says Roz. “Well, since you both scored your fifth point at the exact same time, I guess it’s time for the rapid-fire round! You two will be forced to answer as many questions as possible in the span of one minute. The one who gets the most right wins immunity and gets to stay the night! Yay! Okay… Ready?”
“No, not really,” says Charles.
“GO! Loved one’s middle name?” says Roz.
“A,” says Charles. “Just the initial A.”
“Nightshade,” says Aurelio.
“Biggest fear!” says Roz.
“Stars! Ironic, eh?” says Aurelio.
“Going bankrupt,” says Charles.
“Birthday?” says Roz.
“October 30th,” says Aurelio.
“December 26th,” Charles says. “And yes, she forced us to get double the presents for her…”
“Wolfgang or Puck?” says Roz.
“Hates both equally, I am very sure of it,” says Charles.
“Wolfgang!” says Aurelio.
The two continue to rattle off more answers, then the timer sounds. “Okay!” says Roz. “We have our winner. By one point, the winner of this challenge is… Charles! So Layla wins immunity, Charles is spendin’ the night, and the rest of you guys,” she points to the loved ones, “Get outta here. I’ll give you like a second to say bye to everyone.”
“All right, well, I hope you do well, Wolfie!” Kyle says. “I also saw that you have a lady friend. Oh, it’s always nice to have someone…”
“Hey, thanks,” says Wolfgang grumpily. “Glad you could make it, bro. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go inside, comb my hair, and complain about my life. See ya.” He pats Kyle on the back and leaves.
“Gurl, you are totally gonna win!” says Allison to Chelsey. “I’ll see you at home. Now, if only Mom bought you expensive lip gloss like she did to me…” She grins evilly.
“Um, okay? I was always Mom’s favorite. I’m so much prettier than you,” says Chelsey. “Get out.”
“I’m out,” says Mrs. Westover. “Now, Ahthuh, be sure to eat healthy portions of your food. Don’t want you to get even bigger. And be Puber T moah often. I’m watchin’ ya. C’mon, son, let’s go.” She looks at May, then realizes her mistake, and leaves.
“Whatevurrr, I'm out of here,” May snorts, and he leaves as well. 
“I wish you could lighten up, bro,” says Keenan to Trey. “I’m always here if you need anything.”
“Keenan, I don’t need anything…” Trey says. “I’m fine on my own… I can totally win it…”
Trey says in the confessional, “My brother is really not the smartest dude... He’s always like ‘ohhhh, bro, that’s soooo cooool’ but doesn’t even care about my true well-being. He’s always been the better brother in everything, but once I win the million dollars, that WILL change. Hah.”
“Goodbye, Flora!” says Mr. Smith. “Your mom, Emily, Aiden, and I will all be waiting for you at home! And remember, you’re not boring. You’re a very nice girl.”
Flora says in the confessional, “I want to believe him because he’s my dad… But still, nobody is acknowledging my existence. Wouldn’t you think that they’d be like ‘whoa, Flora, you’re so alterna’ after seeing the answers in the challenge? Or do they not believe me? Oh no.”
“Try to be less of a doormat, cuz,” says Marisa to Veronica. “That’s really all I have to say.”
“I’m glad you’re even in the season in the first place!” Larry says. “You can do it! Just pray to Shrek every night, and you’ll be fine.”
“Thanks, bro, I’ll totally appreciate your words of wisdom. After all, you ARE a wise dude,” says Gary.
“Aurelio, I’m kinda disappointed in you,” Estrella says dryly. “I’m so glad you could come out here, though. Really. I don’t express human emotions too often but I can assure you that I’m very glad. Thanks.”
“Yeah, any time!” Aurelio pats Estrella on the back. “Well, I’m off. Do it! I’ll be watching ya.” He vanishes off into the sunset.
“Aw, just one picture?” Nic pleads. “So I can brag to my buddies? Pleeeease?!”
“I am sorry, but I don’t take pictures with fans,” says Alejandro arrogantly. He turns to Chelsey and stares at her faux-lovingly. “Although, with you, I may make an exception…” Chelsey blushes.
“Well, all right, fine,” a visibly teary Nic says, as Alejandro hurriedly leaves the premises. He looks at Veronica. “I guess it’s back to you, darling…”
The contestants are then shown in the cabin, where Layla is lying down on the couch and Charles is sitting there right next to her. “I missed you,” says Layla. “So many things for you to do. So many. Glad I don’t have to deal with incompetent fudgeballs like Veronica anymore.”
Veronica is shown in the confessional. “Really?! Even with Charles here, she’s still mean?! What was she thinking when she randomly turned nice at the end of last season?”
“So, I was like, ‘Veronica, I wish you could help me with something,' and she totally just said no,” says Layla, recounting the story to Charles. “I’ve had enough with that girl. She’s going home tonight.” Nic, peeking out from behind the couch, gasps.
Nic is shown in the confessional. “No! That demoness is not voting Veronica out. What will I have to look at if she leaves, crudely photoshopped Fumblr pictures of Alejandro?! I’m keeping Veronica in, since I must woo her.”
Julia is shown at a table, sitting down with Chelsey and Estrella while scowling. “I don’t know about you guys, but I’m voting Nic,” says Estrella. “It got bad when he kissed me. But it’s gotten worse with his new, totally fun and clever tactic of depriving me of sleep.”
“I still can’t believe Arthur likes me,” mutters Julia. “That’s just mindblowingly gross. I would vote for him but Nic IS annoying, too. It’s hard. You bring up some good points, sis.”
Estrella says in the confessional, “Aurelio visiting totally taught me that I can’t just sit around and snark, I have to take charge. I mean, sitting around and snarking is fun and all, but Nic MUST GO.”
“Hi, Estrella…” says Trey. “You’re thinking of voting Nic out too? I wouldn’t mind that… He’s always been a jerk…”
“You’re right,” says Estrella, gasping. “Nic has harassed you, right? Yeah, then that’s perfect. He’s a goner.”
“Plus, he’s a threat…” says Trey, pointing to Nic.
“This is what I am currently looking at buying,” Nic shows Gary and Arthur a picture of a pink striped sarong on his uPad. “It’s from Spencer’s Sarongs. What a nice fit on my buff, jacked bod.”
“Whoa! I wish I could rock one of those,” says Gary.
Arthur, with the red underwear on his head, states, “Yes, it is perfectly normal for teens to want to be drag queens. Just a bit of insecurity.”
“Yeah. Total threat,” scoffs Estrella to Trey. “Screw that, though, I’m still voting for him.”
Wolfgang is shown in the confessional, trying to untie the knots in his hair. “I know that Trey guy is up to something. Nobody is just that naturally shady. Blah, blah, you claim to be gay, whatever. Nobody believes that nimrod, anyway, at least I hope. I’m really bummed that Helga’s gone, though… After Puck left, of course she had to go too. Ugh. I wish the world could give me nice things.”
Estrella knocks on the door of the confessional and comes in. “Vote Nic,” she yells at Wolfgang.
“HEY!” yells Wolfgang. “Can’t I just get some me time?” He blinks. “Uh… that sounded dubious. Whatever, I’m trying to concentrate!” Estrella slams the door.
Roz is shown at the elimination ceremony with the contestants, plus Charles, who is in his leather vest once again. “Hey, guys! So. The first seashell goes to Layla, for winning the challenge! Congrats, girlie!” She catches her seashell.
“Chelsey, Arthur, Flora, Wolfgang,” recites Roz. All of them grab their seashells.
“Gary! You’re safe,” says Roz.
“Whoo!” says Gary as he catches his seashell.
“And Julia too!” says Roz. “So are you, Trey.” Trey smiles deviously.
Nic, Estrella, and Veronica are shown in the bottom three. “Well, well, well,” says Roz. “Nic, you definitely annoy people, and Estrella and Veronica… Truth is, I don’t even know why you guys are here. And for some inexplicable reason, Nic is safe.” She tosses a seashell to Nic.
“What?!” Veronica, Trey and Estrella all say.
“The final seashell goes to…”
“Veronica.”
“What?!” yells Estrella. “Normally I’d be pretty apathetic that I'm leaving, but… Aurelio really put some competitive drive into me. Eh, whatever. I am 99% sure that this is Trey’s fault.”
“What the crap are you talking about…” says Trey. “Do you really think I would strategize… Man, I can barely even move…”
“Bye, Strelly!” Roz says sadly. “Y’know, I really liked you in Tokyo. I totally wish you could’ve gotten farther. Better luck next time!”
“Yeah, that implies that there will be a next time,” Estrella says. “Nope. I’m out of here, for good this time. Later.”
Estrella heads to the Boat of Losers, where an African-American fellow with a beanie covering a large afro is lounging. “Whoa, hey!” says Julian. “I was just coming here to explain the challenge for the next episode. Some sort of music tournament, I guess? But screw that, this is SO MUCH better. Nice to see you, babe.”
“Normally, I’d be very blank and dismissive, but after seeing how awful the contestants on this season are, I’d be more than happy to start hanging out,” says Estrella. “And believe me. I don’t get happy much.”
“I’ve finally scored!” Julian says. “See, Tolkien?” He looks at the camera. “This is how you pick up a woman.” Estrella leans closer into Julian’s arms, and the boat chugs off.
“Tic-tac-toe, two snarkers gone in a row!” Roz says, popping up. “Who will prevail? Who will fail? What will Layla do now that Charles is FINALLY here? Find out the answers to all these burning questions and more, next time on Total… Drama… Superstar Showdown!”