The Crib

The Crib is the forty-third episode of SBFW Quest. It aired on May 19, 2020, and is written by FireMatch. It is the Season Three finale.
==Transcript==
(Continuing from the last episode…)
Cici: AHH! Who the hell are you?
Polar: I’m Polar.
Member 4: Oh, you know what I mean. (winks)
Member 6: You better not be fucking serious.
Member 5: I think he’s serious. It’s our last chance at beating them.
Member 6: If you say so… 
(End of flashbacks)
Member 5: Operation CIA (Come in, asshats) is a go!
Member 2: That's an awful name for the operation. I love it.
(Purple and Crazy are tending to their weed plant)
Crazy: How long have we been watering this thing?
Purple: Around… 69 minutes.
Crazy: You made that up didn’t you
Purple: Uh- (An unknown Fandom assistant barges into the garden)
???: Put your hands behind your ass!
Crazy: What
???: Do as I say! (Crazy and Purple do as he says) Haha, that’s ridiculous.
(Crazy and Purple get their hands out of their asses and run away)
???: HEY! COME BACK HERE! I have a rifle!
Crazy: It isn’t Hoopla season yet.
???: Oh god oh fuck I forgot
Purple: Quit stalling him, Crazy! Let’s go! (he pulls Crazy by the arm and runs behind a tree)
(Meanwhile…)
Rocky: They’re summoning assistants! We’re doomed!
Matchy: You say that, but we haven’t been doomed just yet.
Rocky: If Jasbre was here, he’d defend me right now!
Matchy: Is that why you want him back? Mate… 
(An assistant that looks like Golf with a mustache comes up to Matchy)
Golf?: Hey, wanna talk politics?
Matchy: Fuck no. (gets slapped with a glove)
Golf?: Okay then… this is what you get! (whistles) Get ‘em, boys!
(Around 20 bulldogs start charging toward Matchy)
Matchy: OH SHIT
Para: They have bulldogs now? Sick.
Rocky: Now’s not the time for compliments! Our castle is down, and we have only one place left!
Para: I thought all the other buildings were- (he sees that all the other buildings have been demolished) Hot damn.
Polar: Do we still have… the Crib™?
Para: Is that really trademarked?
Polar: I have no idea™ 
Matchy: The Crib™? I nearly forgot about that place.
Polar: Ok the ™ thing is getting annoying. Let’s just call it The Crib.
Matchy: Wait that’s illegal
(The Fanonland citizens go into the cave, guided by Polar)
Polar: And the Crib should be right… here! (They see a cave)
Matchy: That’s the Crib? A lousy cave?
Polar: Come on, don’t we already live in a cave?
Matchy: Fair point.
(They enter the cave, which reveals a messy interior. Dirty clothes are everywhere)
Image: Uhh… hi.
Matchy: Hi there. Haven’t seen you in a while.
Dan: I’m not even gonna ask.
Image: Shut up.
Polar: Man, this place is dirtier than usual. And I thought it couldn’t get any dirtier.
Image: Thanks to me!
Polar: You’re welcome?
SBCA: Howdy y’all.
(The others get startled)
SBCA: What?
Cici: You’ve been gone for god knows how long. We had no idea you were in here.
SBCA: You abandoned the crib, which still saddens me.
Samsung: Bruh.
SwitchPlanters: How long have we been sitting here?
SBCA: About ten hours.
Samsung: Ten hours?! Man time sure flies when you’re… doing absolutely nothing.
Matchy: Can’t relate, like at all.
Purple: We have no time to waste. Let’s get those Fandom fuckers!
Cici: Alliteration. I like it.
Matchy: Don’t you think hiding in here is a better idea? Surely they’ll forget about us and just go strike down some other town.
(Silence)
Matchy: You know what, you’re right. Besides, we still haven’t figured out who Jasbre is working for- wait a MINUTE.
Purple: Did you just have an epiphany?
Matchy: The biggest once since I realized air is just dry water.
Crazy: Ugh fuck I can’t get that out of my head now.
Purple: What’s your realization, Matchy?
Matchy: Jasbre is working for Fandom.
Crazy: Hold the FUCK up.
Purple: It can’t be true! He’s too good for that- oh wait I see where you’re going.
Matchy: There’s really no other conclusion we can come to.
Purple: The traitor! He should be banished from Fanonland for good.
Crazy: (sad) I hate dry water.
Matchy: Come on, Crazy, it’s not that big of a deal. Let’s take care of this Jasbre thing to get your mind off it.
Crazy: Sounds good to me, I guess.
Purple: Then let’s go!
SBCA: I think I’m gonna stay here. This cave is cozy.
Samsung: It’s the crib. Not a cave.
SBCA: Same difference.
SwitchPlanters: Whatever floats your boat.
Matchy: I’d be lazy too, but my mind is racing so much it could climb a mountain. Let’s go!
Crazy: Remember when saying digest mountain was cool? I miss those days.
(Everyone except for around 5 people go out of the ca- I mean crib, and confront Fandom)
Member 6: Ah, back so soon? I’ve watched 12 episodes of anime since you fled, and now I have ultimate power.
Member 5: Screaming isn’t gonna help. You know that, right?
Member 6: Darn. At least we still have the cannon.
Member 4: It doesn’t work anymore, dumbass! What happened to the assistants?
Member 3: All of them got bored and left… except this joker.
Golf?: Cease that defamation at once!
Member 6: Gimme a break… 
Member 7: Well, we’re fucked.
Member 2: Really?!
Member 7: Not that kind, you idiot!
Member 2: Dammit.
(Jasbre comes up to them, exhausted and panting)
Jasbre: I’m… here… woohoo- (passes out)
Member 3: Anyone here a doctor?
Member 5: I am.
Member 3: No one asked you, nerd!
Jasbre: (suddenly waking up) They’re here.
Member 5: What?
Jasbre: THEY’RE HERE! (he points to a spot where several Fanonland members are going towards them)
Member 7: Oh god oh fuck. Ready the cannon!
Member 5: On it! Wait, it isn’t ready! Fuck!
Member 7: Great…. (grumbles)
Purple: Ready the slingshot, Rocky!
Rocky: On it! (he slings a rock at the cannon again, this time hitting it hard)
Cici: Ha, now there’s no way for them to repair it!
Member 4: Well shit. Prepare the high horses!
Member 5: The what
Member 4: THE HIGH HORSES GODDAMMIT!
Member 3: ok whatever you say mate
Cici: Heheh, looks like an argument is happening.
Matchy: I can hear exactly what they’re saying, and it’s definitely not good at all.
Cici: What’re they saying?
Matchy: They’re preparing the high horses.
Cici: Oh shit.
Crazy: Relax, I’m sure rocks can hurt horses too.
Rocky: Crazy’s right. We got this.
(Some high horses appear, with very long legs)
Crazy: Looks like those horses went to leg day HARD.
Rocky: (gulps)
Matchy: Well, if this were a show, I’d say “And that’s it for this season. Wait until the movie, you dumb fucks!”
Crazy: That’d be a terrible move.
Matchy: I know. Hehehehehehe.
(Meanwhile…)
(JackHackers is watching a Valorant stream for access to the game)
JackHackers: I. Need. A. KEY! God DAMN IT!
(Jack’s mom comes in with a McDonald’s bag)
Jack’s mom: I brought chicken nuggies!
JackHackers: Now’s not the time, mom.
Jack’s mom: Guess I’ll eat them, then.
(Jack rushes up to his mom, takes the bag, and swallows it whole)
Jack’s mom: wait wut
(A black screen appears, saying “To be continued....”)
Category:Season finales
Category:2020
Category:2020 Episodes
Category:2020 Transcripts
Category:Transcripts
Category:Episode transcripts
Category:Episodes written by FireMatch
Category:SBFW Quest
Category:2020s