Skinner's Sense of Snow/Quotes

:Bart: (reading his permanent record) "Underachiever and proud of it." How old is this thing?
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:Nelson: (after Principal Skinner's film burns) Ha-ha! Next time, get a DVD.
:Principal Skinner: This is a DVD!
:(The DVD catches fire and falls on the floor. Skinner stomps on it)
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:Nelson: We're trapped in the school!
:Kids: Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!
:Milhouse: We're gonna miss Christmas!
:Kids: Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!
:Principal Skinner: I fixed the DVD!
:Kids: [scream louder] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
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:Principal Skinner: You did it, Nibbles! Now chew through my ball-sack!
:Nibbles: [Scurries away in disgust]
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:Marge: (while watching the tuxedoed man at Cirque de Puree flying around): They always pick the guy with the wires.
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:[While Homer watches the pre-football game show on TV]
:Al: Welcome back to Pigskin Preview: Denver-Green Bay; who do you like?
:Jerry: That's football, right? [the trio laughs] Well, I'm going to take the Broncos in this game, because the Packers will be blinded by Jerry's tie. [everyone laughs]
:Homer: Heh-heh-heh. Tremendous
:Al: I'm all worried about Al's jacket. How many stations can you get on that thing?
:Wardrobe Manager: [walks into the camera view] All right, listen. I am sick of your jokes about the wardrobe. You people can dress yourselves! [walks off]
:Third Man: Ahem. Well, folks, he's got a point, um, with all our unscripted horseplay, we sometimes don't think about..
:Homer: [on the phone] Lenny! Are you watching this?
:Lenny: [on the phone] Yeah, they really hurt that guy's feelings.
:Homer: [on the phone] I know!
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:Marge: Finally, a circus full of whimsy and wonder.
:Homer: Oh, yeah, that's way better than fun and excitement.
:Lisa: [reading from a pamphlet] As French-Canadians, they don't believe in refunds or exploiting animals for entertainment.
:Homer: Oh, I wanted to see them fire a gorilla out of a cannon.
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:Sideshow Mel: A storm is coming! I can feel it in my bone.
:Circus Ringmaster: Mesdames and Messieurs, it appears the cloud goddess is ripe with rain babies. We must run for our trucks.
:[the audience heads for the exits]
:Homer: Oh, no, you don't! I paid full price for this freak show. Now, nourish the child within me. [with a raised fist] Nourish!
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:[Bart and Lisa listen to the radio for school closing]
:Radio Announcer: The following schools are closed today; Shelbyville, Ogdenville, Ogdenville Tech, and Springfield Elementary... [Bart gasps in surprise]...My Dear Watson Detective School. [Bart groans] And lastly, Springfield Elementary School...[Bart and Lisa cheer] …is open! [Bart and Lisa groan] And it's open season on savings at Springfield Menswear... which is closed.
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:Principal Skinner: Children, I'm proud of you. Most of our students didn't bother to show up on this last day before Christmas Break, but you've kept intact my Cal Ripken-like streak of school openage.
:Milhouse: Hey, where are the teachers?
:Principal Skinner: Eh, their union has called an emergency caucus.
:[Scene cuts to the teachers at a ski lodge where they’re forming a conga line]
:Teachers: [singing] Caucus, caucus, caucus! Caucus, caucus, caucus!
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:Marge: This is terrible. How will the kids get home?
:Homer: I don't know? Internet?
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:Principal Skinner: Children, it seems the phone lines are down so I'm afraid we're here for the duration.
:(the children groan in disappointment)
:Kearney: But it's my kid's birthday!
:Martin: I'm doing a puzzle with Grandmama and she'll finish without me.
:Principal Skinner: Yes, yes, yes. We all had plans. Except for me, ironically. I'm right where I wanna be.
:Nelson: I can cut a trail through this snow. I'm part Eskimo.
:Principal Skinner: I don't care if you're Kristi Yamaguchi. No one leaves the building.
:Bart: This stinks! We'll miss the "Itchy & Scratchy" where they finally kiss.
:Principal Skinner: I don't care if they're kissing Kristi Yamaguchi, you're not going home.
:Sherri/Terri: That's so unfair.
:Nelson: This blows.
:Milhouse: Skinner's a real Grinch.
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:[When Homer and Flanders get ready to rescue the kids; Homer is starting the car]
:Flanders: Well, I'm all for rescuing the kids, but I wish you hadn't sawed off my roof. [scene shows Flanders’ roof sawed off]
:Homer: My car, your roof; it's only fair.
:Flanders: But it's my car.
:Homer: Well, yeah.
:Flanders: Hey, whatever happened to the plow from your old snowplow business?
:Homer: I never had a snowplow business.
:Flanders: Sure you did, Mr. Plow. You're wearing the jacket right now. [scene shows Homer wearing the “Mr. Plow” jacket]
:Homer: I think I know my own life, Ned. [sings] Call Mr. Plow, that's my name; that name again is Mr. Plow. [drives out of Flanders's driveway and knocks down his mailbox as he goes]
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:Principal Skinner: That elephant ate my entire platoon.
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:Nelson: This sucks.
:Principal Skinner: Are you questioning my authority? Willie!
:[Willie comes over and hangs Nelson by his vest on a coat hook]
:Nelson: Ow! Mmmph, my vest. [to the other kids] Well, don't just stand there, fight back! There aren't enough coat hooks to fit all of us.
:Principal Skinner: Actually, there are. [counts] Five... ten... fifteen... twenty. [to Sherri and Terri] Eh, can you two share a hook?
:Sherri and Terri: Yes, sir.
:Principal Skinner: We're fine, then.
:Nelson: [groans]
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:Flanders: I think we hit something.
:Homer: I hope it's Flanders! [laughs, then notices Flanders glaring at him] I'm just kidding. Hey, you're all right. [playfully punches Flanders on the arm]
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:Ralph: Mr. Army Man? I can't sleep without my Reggie Rabbit!
:Principal Skinner: Is that some sort of plush novelty?
:Ralph: Yes, ma'am.
:Principal Skinner: Uh, well here's a scouring pad, it's just as good.
:Ralph [holds the scouring pad to his cheek]: It's cold, and hurty!
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:[When Principal Skinner ends Bart’s attempts to escape]
:Principal Skinner: I know it looks like the path to freedom, but one collapse and presto! You've got a snow casket.
:Bart: I was gonna put buttresses in.
:Principal Skinner: Gonna, wounna, shounna. Willie, destroy it. [as the students protest, Willie inspects the tunnel]
:Willie: He did do a bonnie job, sir.
:Principal Skinner: Defying orders, eh? Well, I see you Scotsmen are thrifty with courage, too.
:Willie: Okay, Skinner, that's the last time you'll slap your Willie around. I quit!
:Principal Skinner: Fine. I'll do the job myself. [pokes the roof with a broom, which starts to crumble] Help! It's caving in! [the roof caves in on Principal Skinner which leaves his head exposed.]
:Bart: What's the problem, Seymour? Stuck?
:Principal Skinner: That's precisely the problem, and you know it. Now get me out of here!
:Bart: What's that? You want the pee bucket on your head? [puts the bucket on Principal Skinner’s head]
:Principal Skinner: No! You're twisting my words!
:[The students laugh]
:Bart [to the kids]: C'mon! We're taking over the school!
:[everyone else cheers]
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:Bart: [wearing Skinner's army jacket] That's it. Cinch it up around the neck.
:[everyone's tying Skinner up to his neck in the Dodge ball sack]
:Principal Skinner: This is a gross misuse of school property. Where are the dodge balls? [everyone throws the dodge balls at his face] Ow! Ow! [Willie and the kids laugh] Alright, that's it! I'm writing all your names on the detention list in my mind.
:Bart: Silence, Seymour. We're in charge now. Your reign of fussiness is over.
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:[When Bart makes Principal Skinner write “I Ain’t Not a Dorkus” over and over on the blackboard]
:Principal Skinner: I can’t write this; it’s a grammatical nightmare.
:Bart: [pokes Principal Skinner with a ruler]: Mau! Di-di mau!
:Principal Skinner: I’m getting a cramp in my wrist.
:Bart: Oh, boo-hoo. After all the times I've done it, my wrist sounds like a cement mixer. [twists his wrist which sounds like a cement mixer]
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:Lisa: [reads her permanent record] “Lisa is an outstanding student with a slight tendency towards know-it-all-ism.” [gasps] That’s not even a word.
:Milhouse: Then we’ll get rid of the record…permanently! [rips the page out of Lisa’s permanent record and crumples it up. The paper corrects itself, puts itself back in the folder, and shuts the drawer]
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:Nelson: Hey, look how much Skinner makes--$25,000 a year! (the kids are impressed)
:Bart: (typing into a calculator) Let's see, he's 40 years old, times $25 grand...whoa, he's a millionaire!
:Children: Wow!
:Principal Skinner: I wasn't a principal when I was one!
:Nelson: Plus, in the summer, he paints houses.
:Milhouse: He's a billionaire!
:Children: Wow!
:Principal Skinner: If I were a billionaire, why would I be living with my mother? (the kids laugh) They don't seem to listen to logic anymore.
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:Bart: Look, I’m throwing paper!
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:Principal Skinner: Yeech. It's getting ugly out there. Think, Skinner, think. What would Superintendent Chalmers do?
:Superintendent Chalmers: [appears in Principal Skinner’s mind] Skinner!
:Principal Skinner: Eh, that's no help.
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:Nelson: [finds Principal Skinner] There you are! [over his walkie-talkie] “Falcon” to “Eagle”, have located “Bag of Crap.”
:Principal Skinner: Nelson, if you get me out of this, there's a hall monitor position opening in the Spring.
:Nelson: I spit on your monitors.
:Principal Skinner: I know. That's why the position's available.
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:[When Nibbles crashes through Flanders’ windshield]
:Homer: A hamster ball!
:Flanders: Just like the one that saved Ezekiel.
:Homer: We’re free and we got something to eat!
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:[When the kids are burning books in the library]
:Bart: So long, “Johnny Tremaine.” Your Newberry award won't save you now. [throws the book into the fire]
:Principal Skinner: Not "Huck Finn!" I spent hours crossing out the sass-back! (original line, according to the closed captions: "Now you're just burning innocent linoleum. What did it ever do to you?")
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:[When Flanders’ car is about to crash into a silo]
:Ned: We're going to crash!
:Homer: Does your car have airbags?
:Ned: No. The Church opposes them for some reason.
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:Superintendent Chalmers: [arriving to school on a snowmobile] Skinner!
:Principal Skinner: Superintendent Chalmers!
:Superintendent Chalmers: What are you doing in that ridiculous duffel, Seymour? And is that burning literature I smell?
:Principal Skinner: Uh, well, sir… I, uh..
:Superintendent Chalmers: There’d better be a good explanation for this.
:Bart: There is, sir.
:Superintendent Chalmers: Ah, then I’m happy. [rides away]
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:Lisa: [as a camel] Merry Christmas from the Simpsons! Haww!! Haww!!!
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:Bart: Hey look, the snow is melting!
:Martin: With a little help from our friend, Sodium Chloride!
:[Nelson jumps on Martin and beats him up]
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:Kent Brockman: (on TV about the blizzard) Roads closed, pipes frozen, albinos...virtually invisible.
es:Skinner's Sense of Snow/Frases