Something Fishy About Lakesville

SOMETHING FISHY ABOUT LAKESVILLE - #25
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The 6 AM cloudy sky reflected on the misty lake as me and my friend Packer waited for the school bus. I brushed some dirt off my jacket sleeve as I picked up a rock, hoping to get good skips against the water with it. But right as I threw it, the acrid scent of nicotine filled my nostrils, and the rock sunk into the water. Packer sat there on a log smoking a cigarette. "Dang it dude, I told you to cut it out with that smoking crap!" He got into smoking because recently some shady kid sold him a carton of his dad's stolen cigarettes. It seems like every week he steals something from his parents and tries to sell it to the pathetic losers of Lakesville High School.
"It's stress relief. How else am I gonna stay relaxed when tests and exams exist?" Packer said as he brushed across his semi-long red hair. "There's other ways -- like stone tossing." I said. "That's not relaxing, that's just dumb. Smoking is cool and fun." Packer argued. "You sound like a child when you say stuff like that." I said. "You're a child for stone skipping. What is this, the 1950s?" Packer punched back. "Yeah well--" I was cut off when I heard footsteps from behind. Approached us were two police officers in dark blue uniforms. "We're gonna have to ask you two to leave. This is a sacred lake -- and stone tossing may hurt the fish." One of the officers demanded. "Oh, sorry, we're just waiting for the school bus." I explained. "Sorry doesn't cut it anymore. Come on, you two are coming with us!" the officer demanded. Me and Packer got up and followed the cops into the police car.
"Yes this is Officer Trout, we've got two suspects. May or may not be a threat to the life in Lakesville, over." Officer Trout, who was in the driving seat, said over his radio thing. "Wait, what?! Threat? How are we a threat?" I said confused. "How would you like it if we started throw stones in your house, huh?" The officer on the right stated. Looking at his ID tag on his shirt pocket, he seemed to be named Officer Gar. "Seriously bro? It's just water. People throw stuff in the water all the time." Packer argued. "Yeah, like garbage in the ocean. And look what that's done." Officer Gar pointed out. "You punks need to show respect for other life on this planet. Just because you're human doesn't mean you have the authority to treat other species differently." Officer Trout spoke sternly. I turned my head to face Packer. We both looked at each other like this was the craziest thing we've experienced.
"Lemme guess, you two also have fish as 'pets' too, don'tchya? Think you can take creatures from their natural habitat and force them into a small box for your own sick amusement. You people make me sick." Officer Trout babbled some more. These guys are nuts. If I had to guess, they're animal rights extremists. After a minutes they stopped bickering. "I know two are up to no good. Staying in school?" Officer Gar asked. "Well, we were sick with the flu for a couple weeks, so we missed out on school during that time." Packer explained. "Mhm. Figured as much." Officer Gar growled. "Where are you taking us anyway? Are we really going to jail?" Packer asked. "Jail? Who said anything bout jail? You're going to your personal hell. The dreaded monster you try escaping but it ends up catching you anyway. School." Officer Trout told us dramatically.
The patrol car pulled up outside the school and stopped. "You two ain't getting away just yet. Come on, follow us." Officer Trout demanded. They made us get of the cop car and they escorted us into the school. "Right this way." Officer Gar said, pointing to the principle's office. I let out a sigh as we entered in an took a seat. "These gentlemen right here have been up to no good. They were indulging in reckless shenanigans at the Lakesville Lake and they skipped at least two weeks worth of school." Officer Trout complained to the principle. "I am aware they skipped school. I believe they had the flu in that time." the principle said. "Flu, ay? Have they been vaccinated?" Officer Gar asked. "Hmm, let me check the records." She said, moving her chair towards the computer. I glared up at Officer Gar and noticed something odd on the side of his neck. It appeared he had three very noticeable horizontal scars that were each 8 inches long. He locked his eyes on to mine and that's when I looked away.
"Hm, nope. No vaccination record." Principle Sturgeon proclaimed. "Sickening!" Officer Trout expressed in disgust. Officer Gar glared at us, shaking his head with a frown. "S-sorry, we were sick at home these past few weeks and--" "No excuses! You're endangering the lives of Lakesville with your reckless immune systems. I won't tolerate such willful ignorance in this town from anyone!" Officer Trout barked at us. "Mhm. We should be getting our next shipments of vaccinations tomorrow. I'll make sure Dilton and Packer are the first in line for it, since most students in the school received the vaccination weeks ago." Principle Sturgeon assured. "Thanks sweetheart. You know, you're my kind of woman. You can vaccinate me any day." Officer Gar laughed until Officer Trout nudged him. "Haha, very funny. I don't give the vaccines though, the school nurses are in charge of that." She said, crushing Trout's dreams of getting vaccinated by Principle Sturgeon. "Oh. Well I, uh I, um" Officer Trout stuttered. "I think we better go." Gar said, rushing him and Trout out of there.
"You're free to leave." Principle Sturgeon told us. So we got up and headed out the office and into the halls. "What... just happened?" I said in disbelief. "I dunno dude, that was some freaky crap. Those officers are a bunch of loonies." Packer stated. We walked a few more feet and made it to our 10th grade class room. Class was 10 minutes from starting, so we were a tiny bit early. Only less than a dozen students in the classroom. Packer took his seat toward the back and I took my near the front. I unzipped my backpack and slid some textbooks into my desk. "Oh hey, Fairid." I greeted the kid next to me. "'Sup Dilton. Heard y'all were sick with the flu for awhile." Fairid said. "Yeah, me and Packer were. I wasn't fun at all, but it beats being at--" I paused when I noticed something on his neck. "Say... What are those scars on the side of your neck?" I asked curiously. "Oh, these?" Fairid questioned while touching the scars. "It's a side effect of the vaccination shot they gave us while y'all were away. It's so they know you've been vaccinated. But don't sweat it, it supposedly fades over time. They also said something about it enhancing your lung capacity or something. You need to get one bro, it's dope."
"Interesting..." I said while nodding. A few minutes later the teacher walked in and class began shortly thereafter. "Alright class..." Mr. Carp said before clapping his hands together like he was excited. "Today we are going to be learning about the wonders of fish! How they breathe, how they interact with the environment, and more! I'm going to condense all of this in a wonderful power point presentation courtesy of marine biologist, Dr. Fishintite!" Mr. Carp announced. Lot of fishy stuff going on today. I guess they don't call it Lakesville for nothin'. Come to think of it, this town's always been crazy about fish. Like why does this small town need three different bait shops?
After the presentation was over, we had to take a test about what we just saw. We will see our grade before the end of the day. Exciting! "Alright class, enjoy lunch!" Mr. Carp exclaimed while waving as students headed out the class and toward the cafeteria. Before we could walk out, Mr. Carp stopped us at the doorway. "I see you two haven't received the vaccine yet." he said to us. "Yeah, sorry, we were sick these past few weeks." I explained to Mr. Carp, glaring at those odd scar-like lines on the side of his neck. I think he noticed I was staring at it, because that's what he talked about next.
"Don't worry about these. They are a harmless side effect of the vaccine. They're very important - because they can also help increase breathing capacity in the lungs. We gave a whole presentation about the vaccines while you two were away -- shame you two had to miss out on it." Dr. Carp said. "How come I never heard of this vaccine before?" I asked Carp. "Because it's a test-run exclusive to Lakesville. Though I'm sure soon everyone in the world will receive one. We've got some great rich spokespeople out there who will do a wonderful job on convincing the populations about this world-changing vaccine!" Mr. Carp said some more. I paused for a moment to think. How important can this vaccine be? It seems to have just come out of the blue. Didn't even know it existed until today. "Thanks for info, but I think we best get to lunch." I said. Mr. Carp left us as we left the classroom.
"Very strange today, huh." I said aloud as we walked down the hallway. "Tell me about it..." Packer agreed. "All this fish talk has got me craving a fish sandwich. They usually serve them on Mondays so I think I'll have that." Packer continued, changing the subject. "Good choice. I think I'll have some Cheddar Goldfish Crackers." I chuckled. Packer waited in line in the cafeteria while I went to go sit at a table. The table next to it was very close and has four students sitting there. I didn't eat right away because I wanted to wait for Packer. The line was kinda long so I'll probably be waiting here a couple minutes.
My ears perked up when I heard some chick at the adjacent table say "Yo, I swear these gills on my neck are so awesome!" I listened more closely. "I know, right? And it makes me more comfortable with what my dog really is. This whole time I felt lost in knowing what they were until when I saw this group on Gulper talk about their dogs no longer being characterized as dogs. They're actually dogfish!" the blonde-headed girl explained. "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Back up... Excuse my ignorance, but did you just say dogfish?" I butted-in. All four girls glared at me, with their gill-like marks protruding from their necks.
"Yeeeah... Dogfish. That's what my dog is now. They no longer feel like a dog, they feel more like a fish." the girl said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Why, just because they have gill-like marks on their necks? Halloween isn't till next month, girl." I snappily quipped. The whole table looked offended. "Um, excuse me, but who are you? What gives you the right to barge in to our space and question a dog's selfdom?" her friend aggressively questioned me. "Sorry if I came off snappy - I'm just confused by what it means to be a 'dogfish'." I clarified. "My dogfish doesn't feel like dog anymore, buddy. Dogfish are more comfortable with characterizing themselves as fish. If they don't feel like a dog, then they aren't a dog. Simple as that. It's science!" Fi explained. I couldn't believe what she was saying.
"Believe what you want to believe, but your dog is a dog and nothing will change that. You can't just say it's another species because that's how you think it feels, that's not how things wo--" "Listen crackerjack, how do dogfish affect your existence in anyway? HUH?! Yeah, thought so!" one of her friends barked at me. "Yeah, it's not your life!" another one of her friends chimed in. "Well for one, you want the whole world to play along with your dog's fantasy, which affects me and everyone else. Plus this is just going to encourage mentally vulnerable people into self-labeling their dogs as dogfish because their friends are doing it and they want to fit in. It's just not right. Would you want your kid to seriously go around screeching about being their dog being a fish and them getting irate when people rightfully don't want to play along with their self-centered delusions?" I passionately expressed.
"It's okay, it's okay..." one of Fi's friends said trying to calm her down, as she appeared visibly upset. "I think you should go or I'm reporting you. But you do realize cultures back then characterized themselves as other species as well? You mean to tell me their selfhoods are untrue?" another one of her friends tried arguing. "...You do realize that some cultures indulge in horrendous acts like cannibalism, right? You wanting to revive strange practices old cultures did back then doesn't make it right. Also, what makes a dog a dogfish? Because they look like a fish, feel like a fish, or both?" "GO! Now!" her friends demanded, scolding me. I grabbed my backpack and stomped off to a different table. "Ridiculous crap..." I muttered under my breath. I'm in disbelief people this delusional really exist. The youth today is out of control, especially when they have other things going on in their head.. I don't like this one bit.
I waved Packer over when he got out of line. "They took the freaking fish sandwich off the menu. Something about how they want to preserve the lives of fish." Packer claimed whilst miffed, not surprising me in the slightest at this point. "Really? That's such a non-issue. The world's gone mad, I'm telling you." I scoffed. Packer let out a sigh. "Yep... What else is new in this ficked up world." he muttered. "Also notice the scars on everyone's necks? Some kid in class told me it was a side effect of the vaccine shot, and some chick over there claims her dog is a dish because her marks resemble gills." I disposed to Packer. He shook his head while eating a vegan hamburger. "No way we can get the shot, man. Something fishy's going on." he stated. "I agree. It seems like the whole world changed in those two weeks we were sick." I stated.
"This one goes to you, and this goes to you. And if you feel like you want it, then you can get it too!" I heard a female voice say from behind me. I turned back and saw what appeared to be a teacher handing out stickers to the students at their tables. "Here ya go..." she said while peeling a sticker off and slapping it near my shoulder. "Enjoy your meal!" she said to us as she walked off. I peeled the sticker off my jacket and read what it said. "Fish Positivity!" it read in black text on a pink background. I scoffed in disgust, crumbling the sticker in my bare palms before letting it fumble under the table. "Stupid sticker!" I cried. "Mine says 'Lake-Fish Lives Matter'" Packer told me. "Pft, more like 'All Fish Lives Matter' amiright?" I joked, following by Packer rolling his eyes.
After lunch, me and Packer did the rest of classes with no fish-related incidents in sight, other than the noticeable gill-like features on all the students. We walked down the hallway to get outside until some chick with glasses jumped out at us. "Hi asshole, I saw you being a fish-bigot at lunch. I'll have you know scientists in the field have studied fish theory for years, and while we are biologically human, we can choose to express ourselves as other species if we want to. I for one feel like I may have the mind of a dogfish, but I'm questioning that for now." she rambled. I quickly looked toward Packer with bugged-out eyes, and he shot me a look of confusion. "Um, cool. That's like, your problem, dude." Packer said before we took off. "What the eff??" he whispered to me as we got away from her. "I don't know man, I don't know." I responded not knowing how to react. Get me out of this loony hole!
After that frightening encounter, we headed out the school and prepared to get on the school bus. There was some big guy in front in a yellow vest holding a tablet. It appeared he was vetting students before they headed in the yellow shuttle. We were next in line. "Names!" he asked in a high octave. "Dilton Jinilton." "Packer Mano." we each stated respectively. "Alright, species?" he asked next. "Um, what? Human, obvious. Do you not see us right now?" I said baffled. "Listen kid, just because you look human, doesn't mean you are human. 11% of your grade doesn't identify like you do. So don't get all smart with me!" The Vetter barked. What the heck is up with this day? Feels like I'm in some kind of dystopian nightmare where 2 + 2 = 5.
"Alright, blood type?" the Bus Vetter asked. I took a double take when he said that. "B-blood type? Why would you need that?" I stammered. "Mayor's orders." he firmly stated. "...O." I reluctantly stated. "Cool, cool. Now both of you - empty your shoes." the Vetter demanded. "This is freaking ridiculous, can we just get on the damn bus?" Packer snapped. "Not until those shoes are empty, boy. We don't know what kind of things you're hiding in there. We don't want a repeat of 9/11, do we?" the Vetter suggested. I threw my hands up then slammed them to sides in disbelief. I hate this day so much. These loonies are seriously vetting teenage kids from getting onto a dang school bus in the name of counter terrorism. Unreal.
"No thanks, we'll just walk home." I declared. The Vetter's eyes widened like a fish before returning to normal. Whoa, what the heck as that? Me and Packer looked at each other to make sure we really just saw that. "So you two are terrorists, huh? Mass shooter copycats in the works maybe?" the Vetter ridiculous stated. "Are you kidding me?! No! No we're not terrorists! This is just insane! This whole day feels like a friggin' nightmare!" I blurted out in distress. I just couldn't take it anymore. "10-4, two potential terrorist suspects in my custody, over." the bus Vetter spoke into the radio thing. Then the bus closed its doors and took off. "You two stay here until the cops arrive. I sense you two are a danger to the society of Lakesville. You terrorist scum will never eliminate the American dream!" the crazy Bus Vetter rambled. Yeah, because the American dream is spending all social efforts on the lives of fish and knuckleheads telling you to get rid of your shoes because they think you're carrying dangerous weapons in them. That's the American dream!
"Not letting you two out of my sight!" the Bus Vetter exclaimed. I have no idea how we're going to get out of this. Me and Packer awkwardly stood there for about a minute. We wanted to run, but we were paralyzed with fear. This nutjob is accusing us of being terrorists and we might get arrested because of it! "Ah! There you are!" the Vetter said happily. Me and Packer turned around and saw a 6ft. tall robot head in our direction. It's leg were very flexible and sturdy, it kinda bobbed up and down when it walked. It had some kind of screen on it's face that was 12 inches tall and 6 inches wide. It was painted yellow and blue and had a red and blue flashing police light on top of it's head. It smelled like burnt plastic and was a little noisy. "Boys, meet our city robot, Albacore. It can detain subjects before officers even arrive. It's the only way we could stop police brutality. No more neck kneeling in this country!" The Vetter explained.
The bot approached me and Packer -- only a few inches between us and the robot. "Y o u - a r e - u n d e r - a r r e s t." Albacore said in a monotone robotic female voice. "These things are so cool. This is the level 2 model, the level 3 model is used for military purposes." The Vetter explained, followed by him saying "Albacore, give me a background check on these two boys." "S c a n n i n g - s u b j e c t s . . ." it spoke, followed by a bright light flashing from above its screen, scanning our bodies. I swear this thing was taking a thousand pics of us in two nanoseconds. "R e s e a r c h i n g . . ." it said while a bunch of information scrolled down the screen fast as lightning. " D i l t o n . . . P a c k e r . . ." On the Albacore's screen displayed all of personal info -- including images it scanned of us. What was disturbing about it is that some of them were x-rays of the photos that were just taken. This street robot can literally x-ray people on a dime. The Vetter went up to the screen and started scrolling through all the information. "Alright, criminal record, let's ge--" he was cut off when suddenly the robot was struck at 80 mph and launched across the street, destroying it.
"Dammit, Trout, you ran over the damn city police robot! $300,000 down the effing drain!" Officer Gar shouted. "No time to think about the robot, there's terrorists in the vicinity!" Officer Trout exclaimed. The two overweight officers got out of the cop car and approached us with tasers drawn. "You bomb suckers aren't gonna take our country again this time!" Officer Trout oddly stated. "Yeah -- and no more stone skipping too!" Officer Gar also oddly stated. Me and Packer had out hands in the air, preparing for the worst. "This taster here is especially effective against the unvaccinated -- delivering 10x the shock!" Trout said loud and proud. Me and Packer looked at each other with the fear of God in our eyes, knowing that we were going to be wrongfully dealt with at the hands of corrupt law enforcement. "5... 4..." Trout counted down. "3... 2...... 1....!" Gar continued for him. Before any of them could pull the trigger, a miracle happened.
"Y o u - a r e - u n d e r - a r r e s t !" Albacore said to the officers. It was badly damaged, with it's screen flickering some light smoke pouring out from the top of it's head, and a broken arm. I almost felt bad for it. "Us? You mean them!" Gar shouted. "P O L I C E - B R U T A L I T Y - D E T E C T E D! "Albacore kept repeating over and over, with it's busted flashing siren going haywire. "S t r e a m i n g - t o - i n t e r n e t . . ." Albacore stated. I assume it's video live-streaming the cops' horrid corruption live on Fishbook for everyone in Lakesville to see. "The damn thing's busted, it thinks we're the bad guys!" Gar shouted. The Vetter just paced around saying obscenities under his breath. "Let's take it out of it's misery!" Officer Trout declared. That's when he whipped out his baton and started senselessly beating the robot-like he was Curtis Stryker. Albacore's screen cracked from the beating, followed by Officer Gar kicking the robot down to the ground, where they continued to beat it to death. "F e e l i n g - n o - g o o d . . ." Albacore whimpered, trying to describe it's feelings while being viciously brutalized by the corrupt officers.
The Vetter busted out his phone and began filming the brutal act. "Oh my gosh! I never thought I'd see this in my life time!" The Vetter exclaimed, shocked at the horror. These three middle-age authoritative pigs are distracted by an incredibly odd situation, meaning me and Packer can escape! "Where do we go?!" I loudly whispered to Packer. "Run! Let's just run in the opposite direction!" he whispered. We threw our backpacks to the ground and flee'd the crime scene. We ran passed the school in a jiffy and across the street near the car dealership. We were running for a minute and my legs were already killing me. We decided to catch our breath outside the junkyard, which was a block away from the school. "At least we lost them... Those idiots are letting out their pint-up discrimination tactics on an innocent robot!" I said while breathing heavily. I decided to sit on the ground to rest my legs. While trying to recharge, Packer tapped me on the shoulder. I looked up and saw something I never thought I would see.
"Prideful of Fish!" a big sign on a liquor store wall in front of us read. "You've gotta be kidding me..." I said in awe and shock. "This is getting out of hand, man. The fish agenda is in full force!" Packer exclaimed. While me and Packer bickered about the sign, the dreaded sound of police sirens echoed through my earlobes and were heading fast in our adjacent direction. Me and Packer stared at each other like deer in headlights. That's when it showed up... the cop ca-- Wait, is that Albacore? "B r u t a l i t y. . . B r u t a l i t y. . ." it kept repeating. The poor thing was badly beaten to a pulp, with oil spilling out of its wounds. It was missing an arm and was moving very sporadically on a broken leg. I'm surprised it even got away from those fools. But that wasn't the sound source of the sirens blaring... I could still hear it far away, but getting closer. That's when it happened.
Me and Packer jumped from surprise when the cop car slammed into Albacore once last time, causing large chunks of its robo-bits to go flying into the air. The robot slid several feet across the ground before getting hit by another car in the second lane. Brutal and senseless - it was the worst thing I had ever seen. The car came to a halt and Officer Trout leaned out the window with a megaphone. "Hands up! Do not move or you'll suffer a fate worse than robot scum!" Trout threatened. Frozen in fear and having no choice but to comply, me and Packer put our hands in the air as we got arrested by the most corrupt officers in the nation.
We were shoved in the back of the patty wagon before Trout and Gar got back in the car and blabbered to other officers on the radio. Thankfully, my neck was unscathed. "10-4 we've got two suspects with terror weapons hidden in their shoes. Blood-type O and unvaccinated." Trout revealed on the radio. "Yo, yo, we don't have any weapons on us!" Packer cried. "I call BS!" Trout shouted at us. "I call dibs... on this worm-laced doughnut." Gar joked before chowing down on a doughnut filled with worms. "Mmm, worms and doughnuts. You can't ask for better!" Gar exclaimed, making me gag in the process. What the heck is wrong with these cops? Officer Trout then reached in the backseat and removed our shoes one-by-one. "Terrorists, psh." Trout scoffed while holding Packer's dirty shoes. "Looks like you boys are heading to the slammer with no shoes tonight." Trout stated. "Wait, slammer? Why are we going to jail?! We've literally committed no crimes!" I cried. "Tell it to the judge." Trout snapped before shifting the gear in drive and taking off at a fast pace.
After a minute into the drive, a voice came on the radio saying they saw the footage of Trout and Gar mercilessly beating Albacore to death, and because of it, they're now fired. "Ah hotdog, it's true! We're the number one trend on Fishtter!" Gar exclaimed holding his phone in his left hand and the wormy doughnut in the right. "Internet famous, boo ya!" Trout exclaimed, happy about his newfound fame of being a robot discriminator. "I'm gonna miss being a cop. Well, what I really mean is that I'm gonna miss being the oppressor. I like kicking around these street chumps, y'know? We ain't even on the same playing field. I'm like a rain cloud that can strike anyone, anywhere, at any moment. Trout dramatically stated. "Let us go please, I have a phobia of oppression" I lied, trying desperately to get out of this situation. "Boo-hoo. I have a lot of phobias too. Like robots and other types of humans if y'know what I mean!" Trout laughed followed by him winking at us. I felt my skin crawl when he did that.
"Well since you jerks aren't cops anymore, can you let us go? Is it even legal to still keep us in custody?" I asked, which was what I should've said in the first place. "You ask too many questions." Officer Gar growled. "Nah. You punks still need your shots. Not seeing the gillies on your necks makes me think you two are devious outcasts. Rebellious little brats who refuse to obey. I won't allow to have such chumps to thrive in this society." Trout rambled on about me and Packer. "You're discriminating us just because we aren't vaccinated. What kind of officers are you?" I questioned. Trout and Gar began laughing. Then Trout reared his head toward me with a chuckle. "We aren't cops anymore, pal!" Trout exclaimed, followed by more laughter.
"Screw these chumps, turn up the radio!" Trout shouted. Gar reached his hand over on the radio and blared the volume up to this really loud rock sound. The volume was on 90, which was ear-bleedingly loud. Me and Packer couldn't cover our ears since we were handcuffed. Thankfully the music was cut-off with an interruption. "BREAKING NEWS!" a voice on the radio blurted out. "Footage of two Lakesville police officers brutally killing a city robot has leaked on to the internet. Some of the footage was recorded by the robot itself. Reports say the incident took place 10 minutes ago, and there are already protests being formed across all major cities. The LPD have told us the two officers in question have been fired." the news reported stated.
"Ah to hell with 'em. We all now fish lives are more important than robot lives anyway." Trout blurted out. "Yup. Those robo-scum are trying to take all our jobs too." Gar said agreeing with Trout. I just couldn't believe the situation we were in. We got arrested over a false terrorist threat by two vaccinated fish-loving cops that senselessly destroyed a robot for no reason. And even though they just got fired -- they aren't letting us go. Someone wake me up from this nightmare!
RING! RING!
Officer Gar's phone began ringing. He picked it up and plugged the aux into the radio connected to the phone. "Hello? Gar, Trout?" a voice questioned on the phone. "Yes this is Officer Gar and Officer Trout speaking. How can we help you on this fine day, Mr. Mayor?" Gar asked, revealing he was on the phone with the city mayor. "I just heard the news. I'm very disappointed that you two would destroy one of the robots I ordered." the mayor expressed. "We're very sorry, Mayor. The robot was glitching up and saying we were a threat. We destroyed it to put it out of its misery." Trout explained. "They aren't perfect, but still, you cost me over $300,000 in damages, not counting the riots that will transpire due to this ordeal." the Mayor said. "Again, we're really sorry. We're a little on edge because we just arrested two terrorists." Gar said.
"WE'RE NOT TERRORISTS!" I blurted out. "Is that a teenager I hear?" the mayor questioned. "Yes Mr. Bowfin. I got two little punks from the high school in the back who refused to empty their shoes before getting on the bus. If that doesn't smell like trouble, then I don't know what does." Gar explained. "And worst of all -- they have not been vaccinated!" Trout shouted. "Eaugh, blimey! I can't have lifeforms patrolling the streets and our schools unvaccinated, that would set a horrible precedent! This isn't a matter of choice - it's a matter of science. And anyone who goes against science is going against life itself." Mayor Bowfin stressed over the phone.
"These chumps disgust me the more I talk about them." Trout said scoffing at our existence. "Say, why don't you two stop by Dr. Fishintie's headquarters? He developed a new version of the vaccine and he needs a subject to test it out on." Mayor Bowfin suggested. "Damn right we will! We need to take shelter anyway. I know for sure when I get home my wife's gonna divorce me and there will be an angry mob outside our house." Gar spoke. "Alrighty, see you buckos there!" The Mayor said before ending the call. Officer Gar ripped the aux out of the radio then glared at us in the backseat. "Today you will obey." Gar said with a mean-look. Officer Trout chuckled to himself. Dr. Fishintie's headquarters? That's the marine biologist that developed the vaccine everyone at our school took. I assume the cops will take refuge there and force us to try the new version of the vaccine. What even is the vaccine for? What does it make you immune to? I'm highly skeptical of all this.
A few minutes into the drive there wasn't much talking. I mainly glared out the side widow pondering about the horrible situation me and Packer have found ourselves in. It seems people protesting the horrible action of the cops's attack on the robot were already taking place, as we passed a few small groups of people in the streets holding up signs. One of them was "PET FISH = SLAVERY AND ANIMAL ABUSE". I feel like I'm going insane. It doesn't help there was an ad on the radio about "hate crimes against dogfish", and one of the news stations saying how they're removing fish off the goldfish crackers brand. I so badly wish I could go to sleep right now and wake up in an alternative timeline where none of this crap existed. So the 2000s basically.
About 15 minutes later the cop car drove through a small path in the forest surrounding the lake of Lakesville. You know, the one where they claimed I was endangering the lives of fish by stone tossing. The sun was nearly set at this point, so the car's headlights illuminated the dense forest around us. It was pretty eerie I must say. It got eerie when the car came to a halt when we reached a dead end. In front of us a large, flat boulder about 15 feet tall and 20 feet wide. Gar picked up the transceiver and said "We're here". A few seconds later a slit in the rock appeared and split and open up like gates. Inside was a long, blue tunnel with a visible dead-end. The car drove through the tunnel before stopping at the end. That's when the car began to sink into the ground. We were on a large elevator that was moving down fast. It reached the bottom within a few seconds. The cops drove the car into a small parking space next to two other cars, and that's when they got out and removed us from the vehicle.
"Can we have our shoes back?" Packer asked as the officers pulled us out the car. "No. It's clear you two can't be trusted with shoes." Officer Trout barked. "Why the hell do we even wear clothes then? Might as well run around buck-ass naked so we can't hide bombs in our clothing." Packer cried. "Yeah, just ban clothes so we can stop terrorism." I said, pointing out the craziness of Trout's statement. "Science is science." Trout vaguely stated before grabbing Packer and walking him to some door. Officer Gar grabbed a hold of me and did the same thing. "We're here!" Officer Trout shouted after knocking on the door. The door opened and we were greeted by a slightly overweight man in a black suit with very little hair. It appeared to be Mayor Bowfin. He motioned us in before shutting the silver door. "Whoa." I spoke aloud in awe.
We were in some kind of clean-looking underground bunker surrounded in huge glass that revealed the lake waters. There were dozens of fish swimming around outside the square dome. The room was huge, with a small living room area in the middle with expensive white couches and a black rug on the floor. Surrounding the living room were several lab tables with a bunch of chemical compounds resting in sciences glasses on top. "I see these are the two gentlemen that tried blowing up the school bus?" asked Mayor Bowfin. "WE DID NOT!" I cried out before the officers could slander me. "I don't know what they tried doing. But what I do know is that I'll vote for you this election, because I know if I don't, your opponent Mr. Basking will try outlawing water." Officer Trout randomly said. Are you kidding me? Why would someone in power try outlawing water? That's like if the president labeled the non-religious as part of a terrorist organization.
"Ho, ho! Thanks, Trout. Could always count on you my good chum!" Mayor Bowfin said, stroking Trout's metaphorical wiener. "Say, since you two got fired from the LVPD, maybe I could make you two my personal bodyguards?" Mayor Bowfin said, kissing the ass of the authoritative pigs some more. "I like bacon." I spouted. "Whoa, wait, what? Did you just use an offensive term against an officer of duty?" Gar questioned angrily. "Well we aren't officers of duty anymore, except for diarrhea." Officer Trout joked. "Speaking of diarrhea, I feel a disturbance in my trousers. Doctor, may I use your restroom?" Mr. Bowfin asked. I didn't notice until now, since I was too distracted by the doofus cops, but what appeared to be Dr. Fishintite was sitting on one of the clean white couches. He was wearing a blue shirt with a white shirt and was holding a glass of red wine, next to a bowl of Captain Crunch. And just like everyone else who has taken the vaccine, he too had pronounced gill-like features on his neck. He got up and approached us.
"Yes, it's about 20 feet away from the entrance in an adjacent fashion. You should see a toilet symbol above the door." Dr. Fishintite directed. "Oh, bless you! You're a life safer, my good doctor! If not for your bathroom in this luxurious underground bunker, I may have soiled my drawers by now!" Bowfin weirdly thanked. He tried walking off, but Officer Trout put his baton in front of Bowfin to prevent him from advancing to the restroom. "Wait! Since we're now your bodyguards, does that mean we have to follow you where ever you go?" Trout asked. The mayor paused for a second. "...Yes. Yes, good idea. In fact, after I get done on teh john, I'm gonna show you two a trick this one handsome gentleman taught me." Mayor Bowfin weirdly said once again. Gar and Trout stared at each other like they were excited. "Come on, hunks. To the bathroom we go!" Bowfin exclaimed before he and the officers hurried to the bathroom to do who knows what.
Me and Packer were now left alone with the doctor, barefoot in his bunker at the bottom of the lake of this screwed-up town with robots, self-identified fishpeople, and creepy authoritative undertones. "So. I heard you two have yet to take my vaccine. Why is that? he asked before taking a sip of wine. "We were sick these past few weeks and we only heard about it today." I said. "I see, I see..." the doctor spoke before taking another sip of wine. "Well now's a good time to take it now that you're here in my lab. You do know I created it, right?" Fishintite stated. Me and Packer nodded. "Okay, but what is its purpose? What virus does this vaccine repel us from? And why, just why does it give everyone these gills on their necks? Are we turning into fish?" I questioned. Fishintite chuckled, walking to the table to set his glass of wine down, then walking back toward us. "Since you have V.I.P access and you may or may not enter out here alive -- Yes." Dr. Fishintite revealed, dropping a truth bomb bigger than Hiroshima.
I felt a spike in my heart and a tingly feeling in my chest. "W-what?" I stammered in disbelief. "The vaccine doesn't repel you from anything. It's just the next step in human evolution." the doctor ominously stated. Me and Packer glanced at each other and gulped. "My vaccine injects fish DNA into the bloodstream, which creates new fish-like features on humans, such as gills. Over time our appearances will become even more fish-like. We'll still have our previous human traits, but with the ability to breathe underwater. Soon we will be building underwater colonies. And the lines between gender, sexuality, bestiality, and age of consent will be blurred." Fishintite stated. I felt the goldfish crackers I had earlier come up in my throat when he said that.
"Why... just... What is this point of any of this?! Are you out of your damn mind!" I cried out. The doctor chuckled. "The great part is that people who've taken the vaccine will over time will become less and less intelligent. Until they have the cognitive state of a fish. And with a special device I engineered, I will be able to control them to follow my commands. I will rebuild Atlantis and become God among fish. Welcome to the new world." the doctor further stated revealing his evil plans. "Don't believe me? Watch this." Fishintite walked away from us and went to the front of the glass dome. He was on this strange computer looking device and began pressing buttons. Moments later the fish outside stopped swimming around and began to peer in. "See? They're obeying me. And soon all of you mortals will too." the doctor evilly stated. This is a megalomaniac sociopath with too much wealth that wants to enslave the human race by turning them into fish-hybrids. You couldn't make this up in fiction if you tried.
I looked at Packer. He had an intense look of fear on his face, as did I. I thought things were bad now, but if this psycho's plans come to fruition, then things are gonna become much worse for us in the future. I felt like running, but I couldn't. I was too scared. Dr. Fishintite walked away from the device and back toward us, with the dozens of fish outside still staring at us. That's when he began his monologue.
"You probably don't know this either, but I also worked at NASA. Head scientist and engineer. I stopped my work there to focus on this project. Because what I saw on Planet Xilapia changed everything. For years we've wanted contact outside this planet. And I'll do just that. It may not make sense now, but you'll see later. Why do you think they hover in our skies so much? They're studying us. But they know we're too imperfect, that's why they don't bother communicating. They know we aren't worthy. But once my plan is carried out, they will obverse my work, and for the first time in the world's history, will want to communicate with us. I managed to recover a piece of their ship from the bottom of the lake that crashed some years ago. And with my perfect engineering skills, I'll be able to send a signal all the way to Planet Xilapia. In fact it may even work now. Bow before your new God."
Did this man just say he wants to enslave the human race with fish-hybrids so he can impress some aliens? After hearing this and all the other crazy shenanigans today, I've come to realize that mental health is the biggest problem our country faces today. "Wars, politics, and religion divide us. On my new Earth, there will be no such things. We will all unite in harmony under one fish world order. Think about it! We'll all be happy and carefree -- like before the apple was bitten into. Don't you want us to go back to that?" Fishintite asked us. I shook my head. "Maybe this will change your mind." The doc said before pulling out a knife. "Stand still, this won't hurt. Why so serious?" Fishin' stated. He then began to cut off the hand-cuff chain around our hands. We were finally free - but we couldn't escape just yet.
"Now... What do you think?" The doctor asked us, thinking we would now change our minds. "No, you're crazy! Everything you're saying - it's all nonsense!" I cried. Dr. Fishintite approached us closely with a blank expression. You can tell by his eyes he believed every word he was saying. "I am your God, so I will give you a choice. Heaven or Hell. In Heaven you can be with me for all of fish entirety, and in Hell you will suffer eternal damnation from my Earth. Use your free will while it lasts." Fishintite threatened. I shook my head furiously. "No, I will not take your vaccine!" I cried resisting. "Hmph. Fine. Hell as you wish." Fishintite ominously stated.
The doctor stepped away from us and approached this wall with a very tall concrete door. He flipped a switch near the wall and a huge door opened. Out came from the door was a grey robot that resembled but was twice the size of Albacore, equipped with machine guns on its long sturdy arms. "Termicore, I command you to kill them both now!" Dr. Fishintite demanded the killer robot, pointing in our direction. Me and Packer ran from out position and dove behind one of the white couches. I could hear the robot getting closer and closer. I put my hands over the back of my neck and ducked down to the floor. The robot walked past us, then I heard it turn around to face us. That's when it unleashed an onslaught of bullets, putting a dozen holes in me, Packer, and Dr. Fishintite's furniture.
"Ah! WHAT THE HELL?! AAAAHHHH!!" screamed some adult male voices. I opened my eyes and looked up. What I saw was Termicore shooting down the bathroom door, with Trout, Gar, and Bowfin inside the bathroom huddled next to each other while naked. I closed my eyes back. When I saw bullets pierce through Mayor Bowfin's bare chest. "NO! STOP!" Fishintite yelled at Termicore, demanding it to stop rightfully killing the three stooges. The robot stopped its fire and that's when I reopened my eyes. From a distance I saw Trout's dead bloodied body slumped up against the bathroom sink, with the nude bodies of Gar and Bowfin laying dead on the floor. "P a y b a c k - c o m p l e t e ." Termicore spoke. It was getting revenge on the officers that discriminated against its own kind. I was always skeptical of AI, but seeing this was just incredible. It was fed enough machine learning to realize what those cops did to its friend was wrong. That's impressive. Now I just hope it doesn't kill us next!
Dr. Fishintite was clearly in shock that his own robot would do such a thing. But to be fair, his instructions on who to kill were pretty unclear. While he messed with the robot, I knew it was the perfect time to make our escape. The door we entered in wouldn't do us any good, as it had no handle and was most likely locked. There's gotta be another way out of this hell chamber. "Screw it man, let's just go!" Packer yelled, running to the adjacent direction of the robot. I didn't follow him though. I ran in the opposite direction, running toward the glass dome section of the room where the strange computer device was. It was big and heavy, but I grabbed it and took off, following Packer. I just know this device has a lot of deadly potential, which is why I'm taking it. I know the doctor would try using it against us somehow.
We ran down some long hallway and at the end we came across this elevator door. I was a little slower than Packer due to the weight of the machine I was holding. The elevator door opened, thankfully. There were no buttons inside and it went straight up. "Why the heck do you have that, man?" Packer asked, but I was to out of breath to answer. The elevator came to a halt and we found ourselves in a wide spherical area, but it was so dark you hardly see anything. Me and Packer felt around the walls for a switch, and that's when the lights came on and the dome shield went down. We were in some tower with a glass dome surrounding it. We could see the night sky clear as day. There were so many stars in the sky, and I swear I could see some planets in the distance. It truly was a beautiful sight.
While I was busy gazing up at space, Packer nudged my shoulder. "Dude, what's that?" Packer asked me pointing at a very strange object in the middle of the room. We approached it. It was a large, broken piece of clean metal that was sitting up and had a green glow around it. "Whoa..." Packed said in awe. "This... must be part of the 'spaceship' that Fishintite was talking about." I said in shock. This was probably the most unearthly thing I've seen in my life. I set the computer-device down and began to analyze it. There was a small screen that appeared to have a custom-made operating system installed. The title on the screen read "Connect to..." and listed some options, such as fish, people, birds, worms, sharks, bots, and... Planet Xilapia ? "Holy crap, is this the planet full of aliens he was talking about?" I questioned. "Bro..." Packer said astonished.
With my heart thudding, I tapped the "Planet Xilapia" option, curious to see how the device would connect to it. But a window on the screen popped up saying "Voice activation required. If you are the owner of this device, please speak to activate." Gosh dang it, I was looking forward to be the first human to contact aliens. "HEY!" I heard a voice shout from behind. My excitement vanished. It was Dr. Fishintite, who just came up from the elevator. All of a sudden the device made a high-pitch buzzing sound with a message that read "Connecting to Planet Xilapia. Please wait." The glass dome walls folded down, resembling a boss arena from an earlier 3D platforming game. "NO! STOP! YOU FOOLS!" Dr. Fishintite shouted, running closer to us. Suddenly a green-ray beamed out of the UFO scrap and ricocheted off the hundreds of stars in space. The strange device went absolutely haywire when it directly hit Planet Xilapia. So much so, smoke was emitting from it. Dr. Fishintite pushed out of the way and stood in front of us gazing at space. The shocked and worried look on his face said it all.
Out came from the direction Planet Xilapia was a flying saucer that got closer and closer at a speed so fast, I had never seen anything like it in my life. Just mere seconds later the huge aircraft was in front of us. It was so shiny and clean, and had blue and green colors reflecting on it. The vibrations were so huge I could feel my bones rattling. A portion of the small circularly underbelly of the ship opened up, revealing a blindingly bright green beam hitting the water. The entire lake lit up and turned green. Dr. Fishintite began ripping his clothes off, revealing scaly skin underneath with fish-like fins growing out of his back and forearms, kinda resembling the Creature from the Black Lagoon.
If things weren't weird enough, an alien being floated down the opening of the ship, staring directly at us. It looked like a fish-humanoid hybrid with fins popping out of its head. Dr. Fishintite ran up to it, jumping and waving his hands around. The alien raised its arm up and pointed at Fishintite. Suddenly the tip of its finger glowed like E.T., and a green beam shot at the fish-like doctor. He was now surrounded in a smokey green aurora, which allowed him to walk in the air. The alien went back into the ship with Fishintite following. Then the opening to the underbelly closed. Obviously, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. It was by far the most insane moment of my life. I didn't know what else to do but besides seize the moment and take it in for all its worth.
"T E R R O R I S T - T H R E A T - D E T E C T E D !" a robotic voice spoke from behind. Me and Packer turned around saw Termicore walking towards us, ready to shoot our falsely accused of being terrorist-asses. Me and Packer got on the floor, and that's when it began spraying us with a brigade of bullets.
PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW!
However, I didn't feel any bullets pierce my skin. Instead I heard the sound metal being struck. I slightly raised my head up and saw Termicore was showering the UFO with bullets. It didn't seem to be doing that much damage, but it seemed to prevent it from taking off. I then turned my attention to Termicore. It stopped firing and raised its arms in the air. A few moments later it bounced slightly when four missiles launched out of its back and struck the spacecraft. The ship was covered in explosions and began to tilt and tumble from the super effective damage. The ship began swerving around sporadically before fast crashing in the water and to the bottom of the lake.
"T A R G E T - E L I M I N A T E D !" Termicore declared. Me and Packer got up from the hard cold floor with our skeletons shaking in fear. "S E L F - D E S T R U C T I O N - P R O G R A M - I N I T I A T E D !" Termicore announced. "3 0 . . . 2 9 . . ." it began to count down loudly. "Let's get the hell out of here!" Packer yelled as we ran for the elevator. We hurried down the hallway and sprinted through the main hub area and darted towards the entrance. We briefly stopped when we heard coughing from the bathroom. We rushed to the doorway of the bathroom and saw Officer Gar laying naked on the floor coughing up blood with several bullet holes in his skin. "H-h... help..." he wheezed out. "Can't, this place is gonna blow up any moment!" I warned. "I... I knew you punks were terrorists." Officer Gar said before passing away.
Me and Packer rushed to the entrance door, banging and hitting it out of desperation. "We're screwed!" I cried out. "Wait... wait... The Mayor!" Packer exclaimed before darting to the bathroom full of overweight naked dead men. "Packer, whatever you're doing, please hurry!" I yelled in distress. "Got it!" he shouted. He ran out holding a black object. After he clicked it, the door finally opened up. We sprinted down the small parking area and stepped into the elevator. As we hit the button, we could see a hurricane of smoke filling up the parking area. The elevator then traveled upwards and stopped to drop us off at the very first entrance.
Me and Packer sat on the shore of the lake watching the fire surround the lake and engulf the forest. "Packer..." "Yes?" "This was the craziest day of my life." I announced. "Mine too, Dilton, mine too." Packer agreed. As we sat there watching Lakesville burn to the ground, I wondered about things. What's going to happen to the people that took the fish-flu shot? Their brains are gonna regressive to a permanent fish state eventually... including everyone in my school. Maybe it's a good thing. Lord knows I hate my school with every fiber in my being. What about the riots? The insane social causes pertaining to fish? The people saying they express themselves as other species? Or the fact that we have giant killer robots with intelligent AI? What's going to happen to all of these things? Oh well, at least we foiled Dr. Fishintite's plans of world domination with 0 IQ fish-human hybrids.
Y'know what the craziest part of all of this is? Literally everything that happened, I found out about all of it today. No amount of therapy will help me cope with what I experienced today. I'll never be the same from this day onward.
Category:Lakes
Category:Law Enforcement
Category:School
Category:Politics
Category:Robots
Category:Aliens