The Prisoner

(Scene opens up showing Lord Hater's ship. Peepers is heard laughing)
(Zoom in to show Peepers cracking up like mad. Lord Hater can be seen in the background on his throne. Peepers continues laughing for several seconds, changing pose for each couple of seconds)
Peepers: (laughter dies down) Oh, good one, sir. You are too funny!
(Zoom in on an angry Lord Hater with each of the last four words, ending in an extreme close up of his face. Lightning flashes, he points at Peepers angrily)
Lord Hater: This is no joke, Commander Peepers! (extreme close-up of his face, zooming in slowly) Wander, is a sly, cunning, and crafty genus! And he's the only threat, to my power!
(Flashback to Lord Hater's fails)
Lord Hater: (rises over a glowing, green crystal) At last, the Power Crystal shall be m –
Wander: Hey, neat! (walks by and takes the crystal)
(The crystal breaks, making everything black)
Wander: (offscreen) Whoops! Butterfingers!
Lord Hater: (holding a ring) At last, the lost Ring of Power –
Wander: Neat!
(Right when Wander crashes into Lord Hater, he drops the ring, causing it to fall down a mountain of jewels and break)
Lord Hater: (holding a burning sword) I have the power –
Wander: (offscreen, splashes Lord Hater and puts out the sword) Ah! Hot stuff!
(Widen to reveal Wander with a bucket, Lord Hater begins to steam)
(Flashback ends, Lord Hater roars in fury)
Lord Hater: And if you dare underestimate him, THEN, YOU ARE A FOOL! (calms down) Now, I'm going to my torture room, and I want you to bring me Wander immediately. Or else... (fires green lightning and roars)
Peepers: Ow! Ow! Oh! Ooh! Whoa! Ow!
Lord Hater: (holds Peepers and gives a thumbs-up) Got it, pal! (puts him down and pulls his helmet over his eye) Psych! We're not pals! Hater out!
(Lightning flashes, Peepers looks to see Lord Hater is not there. Lightning flashes again, Lord Hater is back)
Lord Hater: Seriously, this is not going to be easy, it's a tricky one. Hater out!
(Lightning flashes again, Peepers looks to see Lord Hater is not there. Lightning flashes once more, Lord Hater gives Peepers the "I'm watching you" gesture. Lightning flashes one last time, cut to white)
(Fade to show a few planetoids under a moon. Pan down to one of them, Wander and Sylvia are taking a nap. Wander is lying on Sylvia's back, using his hat as a sleeping bag)
Wander: (snores) Oh, would ya look at that? (snores) Amazing.
Peepers: (offscreen) Psst.
(Wander's eyes pop open. Close up on him, he slowly stands up with a massive grin on his face. Camera widens to reveal Lord Hater's ship in front of the planetoid he and Sylvia are napping on. Peepers is standing on the "tongue" of the ship)
Peepers: Hi.
Wander: Hi!
(Wander jumps off Sylvia and runs up the ship's "tongue"; the episode's title appears, freeze-frame. The "tongue" retreats back into the "mouth" , the latter slams shut immediatly)
(Close up on Wander, he falls to the ground. Peepers jumps on him, widen to reveal Peepers standing on Wander like a soldier)
 Commander Peepers 
Peepers: (mockingly) Ooh! That was so hard! (imitates Lord Hater) "But seriously, this is not going to be easy! He's a tricky one!" (normal) Pfft, yeah, right, Lord Hater. (dials phone, sighs) If ya ask me, I should be the one in charge.
(Scene switches to Lord Hater in his torture room, sharpening a sword)
(Song: Lord Hater's Theme)
 Who is the universe's awesomest evildoer? Hater! 
(Phone rings)
Lord Hater: (mimes making a phone call) Hater's awesome torture room.
(Peepers cross-cuts the screen)
Peepers: Oh, hey, Lord Hater, sir. Uh, just calling to let you know... (singsong) I got Wander!
(Lord Hater's face drops in suprise)
Peepers: Uh-huh. Yeah, that's right, easy as pie. Yeah, I'm lookin' at him right – (Wander isn't there) Now. (gets a shocked expression) WHAT? IM-POSSIBLE!
Lord Hater: (from the phone) PEEPERS!!!!!
Peepers: (laughing) Problem...no, there's no problem, sir! Yes, I'll bring him to you right away! No problemo! (hangs up and after a pause, screams, then pulls himself together) Okay, minor setback. Caught him once, I'll catch him again. Easy as pie, Peepers. Easy as pie! (runs off, chuckling deviously)
 Commander Peepers 
(Scene cuts to Wander running down a hallway with pink dots. He falls down one of them, which happens to be a slide)
Wander: WOOOOOOOOOOAHHAHO! WAAAAAAHOOOOAAAAAHHHH! WHOAWHOAWHOAWAH! (lands in a room with electroids) Whoooooa...this place is AMAZING!!! (looks at an inator) Whoa, that's incredible! (stands on a pad) What's this machine do? (gets teleported to a tube with electric in it) Isn't that interesting? (looks at the ship's holographic blueprint) Neat! (looks at a giant robot of Lord Hater) How cool is that? (Peepers runs up to him, he shakes his hand like mad, talks fast) Howdy, friend! Thank you so much for inviting me on your ship, this place is amazing! Now, I'm sure we'd love to stay and chat, but there's still so much in this place I haven't seen. (Peepers falls to the ground) So, catch 'cha later! (zips off, but leaves his hat behind. he grabs his hat)
Peepers: (Stands up, adjusting his helmet) No, it is I who shall catch you!
(A long chase sequence follows, Wander runs through a series of strange rooms, Peepers chasing him but winds up being left behind or getting hurt. Peepers eventually stops)
Peepers: (pants) No, no, no, he is not one step ahead – (gets flinged into a "target")
(Camera shows the ship from outside speeding like crazy. Cut to Wander in the ship's control room, driving the ship crazilly)
Wander: WOOOOHOOOOOO!!!!! THIS IS AWESOME!!!!!
(The ship speeds up and flies to different positions, before spinning around in circles)
Wander: WHOAAAAAAAAAAA, I THINK I'M GONNA THROW UP!
(He presses the break pedal, the ship finally stops. Peepers flies into the control panel, Wander zips off. A police monster flies by, Peepers rolls down the window)
Peepers: Hello, officer. Uh, let me explain. It wasn't me who was – (the police monster gives him a ticket, he takes it and growls in annoyance)
(Cut to a door opening revealing Wander's shadow. Zoom out to reveal various creatures locked in cages. Wander gasps; camera shows the creatures as they roar and make angry noises. Wander gasps again)
Wander: Well! That's one star off my five star review! (looks over at one of the creatures who is sadder than the rest) These guest accommodations are lousy!
(He rolls his eyes disgustedly on the end of this. Cut to a trio of creatures as Wander strolls by, pressing the buttons on the cages one by one. This unlocks them)
Wander: Dedle, de, de, dedledle, dedle, de, dedledle, de, dedledle, de, dede, de (exits)
(Widen to reveal Peepers on the other side of the room)
Peepers: Ha! Gotcha! (the creatures roar at him) Sweet Betsy!
(He presses the buttons on the cages, closing them. The creatures roar, suddenly Peepers floats into the air)
Peepers:  What the...?
(Cut to Wander, he pressed the "gravity" button and is floating)
Wander: Nope. Scratch that reverse it, five star review, best ship ever!
(Back to Peepers, the creatures float into the air as well releasing them from their cages they growl at him)
Peepers: Eee!
(Back to Wander, who floats in circles and presses the "gravity" button again)
Wander: Boink!
(Back to Peepers as the gravity resumes, Peepers lands on the ground)
Peepers: Phew.
(The creatures land on the ground as well, they roar)
Peepers: Eep!
(Cut to outside the room, we hear attacking as the scene shakes. Peepers screams, he instantly exits the room and pants. Wander is heard laughing off camera. Camera zooms to him repeatedly pressing buttons)
Peepers: Aha! (lasers blast around him) What is going on?! (runs off)
(Song: Do You Know the Button Song)
Wander: Do you know the Button Song, 
 The Button Song, the Button Song? 
 When you play the Button Song, 
 You find out what goes wrong! 
(As he sings, he keeps pressing the buttons which cause bombs and axes to activate, nearly harming Peepers. He manages to reach Wander)
Peepers: STOOOOP!!!
(Wander presses one last button, teleporting Peepers away)
(Peepers appears in space, his eye swells up, and he starts to choke. The phone rings)
Lord Hater: (from the phone) Peepers, why haven't you brought me Wander?!
Peepers: (strained) I–I can't–
Lord Hater: (from the phone) Unacceptable. Give me one reason why you can't!
Peepers: I–
(Peepers disappears, then reappears back in the ship. His eye deflates)
Peepers: Phew.
(Zoom out to reveal him back in the room with the creatures, they roar at him. Camera cuts to outside as he gets attacked again, and screams)
Lord Hater: (offscreen) What's that screaming? You'd better not be torturing him without me!
(Cut to a mall in the ship, Wander skips by)
Wander: Do do do do do do do do do – (stops) Errrch! (sees a map of the ship) Shut. Up. There's a FOOD COURT?!
(Cut to the food court, the Watchdogs are eating)
 Who is the universe's awesomest evildoer? 
 Lord Hater 
(Wander appears at one of the tables)
Wander: I tell you fellas, you've got yourselves one fancy-shmancy ship here.
(The Watchdogs make happy expressions. Camera pans over to the entrance, Peepers shows up, steaming mad)
Peepers: WHAT ARE YOU FOOLS DOING?! GRAB HIM!
(The Watchdogs attampt to grab Wander, but he steps out of the way and hits another Watchdog, causing his green pie to go flying into Peepers' face
Wander: (holds up two tacos) FOOD FIIIIGHT!!!
(The Watchdogs hold up their meals and toss them everywhere)
Watchdogs: YEAAAAAAH!!!
(Some hot sauce sprays into Peepers' eye, straining it)
Peepers: AHH! HOT SAUCE! (a lemon half hits him as well) OW! LEMON! (he also gets hit with pepper) AHH! PEPPER!
(He gets pelted with more food and sputters. Cut to him emerging from a pile of food)
Peepers: Okay, alright, remember, he is not sly, he's not cunning, and he's not a genius! (brushes hands off, hears rock music) AH! Not Lord Hater's bedroom!
(Rock music plays, Zoom in through five different doors until we reach Lord Hater's bedroom. Wander is bouncing on Lord Hater's water bed. Wander picks up three remotes – one blue, one green, one red with a skull. He makes a rocking gesture and presses the blue remote. A disco ball drops, and mellow synth music plays. He dances, and presses the remote again. The screen behind the bed lights up revealing Lord Hater lifting weights and staring at the camera in a suggestive way) Wander stops bouncing in mid-air, zoom in on him as he stares at the screen then looks at the camera)
(Cut to Peepers running while covered in food)
Peepers: ENOUGH! YOU...ARE COMING...WITH ME!
(Peepers accidently lands on the bed with the pointy end of his helmet down. The bed pops, releasing water everywhere. Wander lands and does an arabesque. Peepers lands, followed by the three remotes. The red remote with the skull lands in Wander's hand)
Peepers: No! Not the self-destruct button! (grabs Wander's legs) Please don't do that, I'll do anything! I told Lord Hater that was a bad idea.
(Pause, Wander smiles, then zips out of the room, walking backwards with remote in hand. Peepers chases him)
(Cut to a storeroom with several laser guns. Wander runs through, Peepers follows, but abruptly stops, backs up and looks at the guns)
Peepers: Duh!
(He gets a giant gun ready)
(Commander Peepers' Theme jingle plays:)
 Commander Peepers 
(Wander runs into a room with some sort of targets. He suddenly stops, and Peepers aims his gun at him)
Peepers: Ha! I have ya now, ya hyperactive wandering weirdo! Now, just stay still.
(He aims the target laser just below Wander's chin. Wander looks at it, gasps, and puts his hands on it. Peepers moves the gun around, causing Wander to follow it. He gets an idea. He moves the gun around causing Wander to follow it into a prison cell. The door closes, locking him in. Zoom out to show Peepers with the self-destruct remote)
Peepers: I did it! I captured him! Again! Easy as – OW!
 Commander – 
(Peepers is punched by Sylvia)
Sylvia: Geez, for a guy with an eyeball for a head, how could you not see that coming?
(The remote lands on the floor, A knocked-out Peepers lands on the button, activating the ship's self-destruct. The background goes pitch black, then red lights begin to flash. Screens lower, showing warning signs over red backgrounds)
Electronic voice: Beginning self-destruct sequence. In 30, 29, 28...
Sylvia: Uh-oh.
(Sylvia takes the prison door apart, freeing Wander)
Wander: Sylvia! (pounces her to the ground and hugs her) Sylvia, I am so glad you're here! Listen, this ship is AMAZING!
Sylvia: Not for long! (runs off at top speed)
(Parts of the ship begin to break)
Wander: See ya, Mr. Peepers! Thanks for the tour!
(Peepers sits up, feeling dizzy for a moment, then jumps in alarm)
Peepers: OH, NO! NOT THE SELF-DESTRUCT! What'll I do, what'll I do? (widen to reveal Lord Hater is behind him) The only one who knows the deactivation code is... (looks up to see Lord Hater) Lo-ord Hater, hey, buddy! It's not what ya think.
Electronic voice: 15...
Peepers: I totally had him. I did.
Electronic voice: 14...
Peepers: B-but his sidekick sucker-punched me and –
(The ship starts to shake)
Peepers: And I didn't get a lot of sleep last night.
Electronic voice: 13...
Peepers: And it's a Monday, sir, you know how Mondays are?
(Part of the ship sprains a leak)
Peepers: Sir, please...I–I–I–
(Camera zooms out on each "I", ending on an exterior of the ship. Portions the outside bursts, zoom back in on Peepers)
Peepers: I was WRONG, and you were right, okay?!!! He is a cunning, sly, and crafty genius! Please sir, please just say the password! I don't wanna di-ie! I don't wanna die!
Electronic voice: 5, 4, 3, 2...
Lord Hater: Lord Hater, number one, superstar.
(Camera zooms out on each of the last two stanzas. The screens turn green and the warning signs are replaced with stars with smiley faces)
Electronic voice: Self-destruct: Deactivated.
(The screens retreat)
Electronic voice: Have a nice day.
Peepers: (sighs) Man, it feels great to get that off my chest. I feel a lot better, don't you, sir?
Lord Hater: (raises arms, his hands begin to flame green) Not yet!
(Peepers realizes something. Screen flashes green, cut to outside the ship, green lightning fires off from inside, Peepers is heard screaming in pain)
 Doodley doot da doot doot 
Category:Wander Over Yonder Transcripts