TalesOfJohn

== The Tale of Dead Body John (29/06/2020) ==
Once upon a time in Western Australia, a police academy built a fake town with fake crimes. Essentially, John was hired as a fake criminal to train the next generation of police."Hey, you've copped it sweet" -- "You've got an easy day" says the Sargent assigning all the work, gives him an electrical cable in the shape of a noose. "You've hung yourself. You're a corpse all day.""Well this is how my father died."Awkward pause. Sargent Sniff has created a HR incident.Our guy goes "Oh..." He looks at schedule. "Could you do it anyway?"So they go to a big big house. Actress there. Lovely broad strong lady powerful shoulders.Told the scenario is he's a corpse, he's killed himself, lays face-down in the house.Police trainees see big actress, she goes "Gasp, my friend died, I can't find him, he won't answer the door!"They answer the door, find John, deal with the situationGoal is to show up, one person opens the door, leaves the other person with the friend, calls for backup -- thats it if done successfully."All day, everything is fine until one group (bearing in mind he's been laid there all day, contemplating "yep, I am currently the corpse of my father, I am being paid to be the corpse of my father") --they decide with the last bunch if they fuck up to have some fun with them.Two small female trainees show up and they fuck it up. It is an absoloute masterclass in not how to do it."My friend died, I can't get in!""They BOTH go outside. Grieving distraught friend outside. Go to corpse. Sargent standing there with clipboard.""Head up, head down from his clipboard... "what's wrong with him?"--""... ... That man is dead."One of them reaches down, takes pulse."No he isn't."At which point we have "the actor is unable to stop his heart beating" and the other trainee goes "awwhh...""What?""If he's dead, do we have to strip him?"John can hear eyebrows going into space, into fucking ORBIT -- a creek as he looks over."Who... Ever told you that you would strip a dead body at a crime scene?"The contemplation going through this man's mind, as if he's training the next generation of necrophiles."Who told you that would do this?""The boys in forensics."The actress outside is meant to be receiving care from someone who's left with her, but they both came in... And they didn't lock the door -- so she opened the door and she saw John being the corpse dead.Well I've just seen the corpse of my best friend she thinks and screamed "JOHN! NO!" ...and hit them both into the corridor, landed on John screaming "no no no!" and proceeded to dry-hump him Meanwhile John's thinking: "Well, this is not how my father died""And that's the story of the story of how I became a dead body, unbecame my father, and never fucking worked there again."
== Past Jobs ==
Category:Twitch