Mold Mario does The Ice Bucket Challenge

Mold Mario does The Ice Bucket Challenge is the first episode of Mold Mario. In this episode, Mold Mario gets diagnosed with Fanum Taxia. Meanwhile, Then bends goes into a coma.
== Transcript ==
* [The episode begins with a shot of MacLaren's. Cut to inside. Then bends is sitting down, Mold Mario comes by.]
* Then bends: So, rape is nice.
* Mold Mario: Who the fuck starts a conversation like that, I just got here!
* [Intro plays.]
* Then bends: I don't know, I thought it was appropriate!
* Mold Mario: Well it's not!
* Then bends: Okay, jeez louise!
* Mold Mario: So, how was your day?
* Then bends: Wasn't very good. How about you?
* Mold Mario: Yeah mine was probably worse, so you go first!
* Then bends: Well, it all started a week ago, actually.
* [Flashback.]
* Then bends (narrating): It was at a Garfunkel concert.
* Then bends: THIS IS TOO INSANE! I HAVE TO GO!
* Then bends (narrating): So, I went home.
* [Cut to Then bends' apartment.]
* Then bends: I'm kinda bored, actually. Maybe I should go back to that concert.
* [Pause.]
* Then bends: Nah! It's better I stay here. But what could I do to fill time?
* [Then bends look around, and sees a pile of Sharpie markers.]
* Then bends: Aha! Art! You can never go wrong with art!
* Narrator: Later...
* [Shot of Then bends, sitting in his room, holding a photo of Zoltan. There appears to be a black smoke substance everywhere.]
* Then bends: Sharpie fumes, something, something, brain damage, something, something, cum.
* [Then bends ejaculates all over the photo, not on purpose, obviously. Zoltan walks in.]
* Zoltan: Hey, Then bends. I just wanted to ask- OH MY GOD!
* Then bends: Oh, hey... CrazySponge.
* [Zoltan facepalms.]
* Zoltan: That's not good. Here, let me ask you 20 questions. Not really, I'm only asking you five questions, it's just a funny reference.
* [Zoltan puts on a nurse's outfit.]
* Zoltan: "What is your name?"
* Then bends: Joe.
* Zoltan: Okay. "Do you know where you are right now?"
* [Pause.]
* Then bends: Can I.... skip this one?
* Zoltan: Alright. "Can you tell me what day of the week it is?"
* Then bends; Easy! West!
* Zoltan: "What is today's date?"
* Then bends: (13 second pause.) Fuck a fan day.
* Zoltan: "Who is the current president?"
* Then bends: Viktor Orban.
* Zoltan: (sighs) I wish... Well, you got everything wrong. I'm taking you to the ER!
* Then bends: No... don't, Liz... I'll be fine.
* Zoltan: Why do you want us to stay so bad?
* Then bends: Because I love you! All I want you to do is take care of me and nurse me back to health!
* [Pause.]
* Zoltan: You're talking nonsense. To the ER it is!
* [Batman-like transition to the Hospital.]
* Doctor Lady at Front: What's going on?
* Zoltan: Then bends is hurt!
* Doctor Lady at Front: O-
* Zoltan: IS HE GONNA BE OKAY!?!- I mean, I don't care, he's just Then bends. Who cares, I don't! Shut up! Sh.. SHUT UP!
* Doctor Lady at Front: Just sit down.
* [Zoltan goes to sit in the waiting room. While sitting, he starts biting on his fingernails due to being scared.]
* Mr. Rabs: Zoltan, are you okay?
* Zoltan: Uh, yeah! I-I'm fine.
* Mr. Rabs: You don't look too well. You seem really, really scared!
* Zoltan: SCARED! I'M NOT SCARED FOR MY L-I MEAN THEN BENDS' HEALTH! HE'S JUST A FRIEND THAT'S ALL HE'LL EVER BE! SO CALM DOWN, MR. RABS!
* Mr. Rabs: Dude. You like Then bends, don't you.
* Zoltan: What! I'm not gay!
* Mr. Rabs: Yes you are, yes you are! (Laughter)
* Zoltan: No I'm not! And Then bends isn't trans either!
* Mr. Rabs: Yes he is, yes he is!
* [Pause.]
* Mr. Rabs: You know we'll be saying SHE is in a couple of months.
* [Pause.]
* Zoltan: Lovely weather we're having.
* Mr. Rabs: Yeah, it really is... lovely.
* Zoltan: Most things are lovely.
* Mr. Rabs: Alright, enough with the awkward small talk! You like Then bends!
* Zoltan: NO I DO NOT!
* Mr. Rabs: Oh yeah? What's this?
* [Mr. Rabs pulls out a pink and glittery diary titled "Zoltan's Diary."
* Zoltan: HOW DO YOU HAVE THAT!?
* Mr. Rabs: It's the first thing you see in your house... in your bedroom, when you open the safe under your bed. But that's not the point! Let's see these diary entries!
* Zoltan: NO, NO, NO!
* Mr. Rabs: "My Diary - No. 69. I love Then bends a lot. He's so cute. I wanna have sex with him and-"
* [Zoltan steals the diary back, and throws it into a woodchipper..]
* Mr. Rabs: There were a bunch of pornographic drawings of Bends on the next page.
* Zoltan: WHAT!
* [Zoltan grabs the pieces of the diary and tapes them back together, quickly. He then checks the next page.]
* Mr. Rabs: Fooled ya! You really do like Then bends!
* [Zoltan throws the diary into a woodchipper once more.]
* Zoltan: Shut up! I don't like him! If I liked him, I'd be all-
* [The Doctor opens the door to the other area of the hospital.]
* Zoltan: OH MY GOD! IS HE ALRIGHT! PLEASE TELL ME HE'S ALRIGHT!
* Doctor Jr.: I can't tell you that.
* Zoltan: WHY CAN'T YOU TELL ME THAT, DOC? WHY NOT?
* Doctor Jr.: He's in a coma.
* Zoltan: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
* [Zoltan turns to Mr. Zabs.]
* Zoltan: I'd be all like that! But I don't like Then bends, so I'm not!
* [Zoltan and Doctor Jr. go into the other area.]
* Zoltan (whispering into the Doctor's ear): Put me on his paper as "Husband."
* [Zoltan giggles like a little school girl.]
* Doctor Jr.: Do you like him or not?
* Zoltan: WHAT! HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT! I DON'T LIKE THEN BENDS! WE'RE JUST FRIENDS! JUST BECAUSE I ASKED TO BE HIS "HUSBAND" ON HIS PAPERWORK DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING!
* Doctor Jr.: Hey, man take it easy! It's just the rules. If you're so close to him and want to be listed as his emergency contact, we need to know.
* Zoltan: I wanna be his emergency contact! Can I be his emergency contact?
* Narrator: A couple seconds later...
* [Cut to Then bends' hospital room.]
* Doctor Jr.: There he is.
* Zoltan: OH MY GOD!
* Doctor Jr.: We don't know if he'll be coming back. Maybe it's time too... meet other friends.
* Zoltan: OH, I HAVE NO FRIENDS! I JUST MOVED HERE AND ALL MY OLD FRIENDS ARE GONE! I... I just need Then bends to wake up. Can... can I have some time alone with him?
* Doctor Jr.: Of course. I'll be out here.
* [Doctor Jr. goes outside.]
* Zoltan: You know, you're a pain in the ass, Bends. But... but you're also one of the best friends I've ever had. 
* [Zoltan takes Then bends' hand.]
* Zoltan: We have a lot of stupid arguments to have, and I can't do it without you.
* [Pause for a moment. Zoltan then walks out of the room. Cut back to now.]
* Then bends: It's like, calm down! I came out of that coma in a week.
* Mold Mario: I was thinking that you were missing. I thought you were in Belize.
* Then bends: I thought so too. Now, as I was saying...
* [Flashback.]
* Then bends: (Waking up, yawns) Where am I?
* Nurse: You're at the hospital. You've been in a coma.
* Then bends: YOWZA! HELLOOOOO NURSEE!!!!
* Nurse: I used to be a dude.
* Then bends: That doesn't change anything.
* [Pause.]
* Then bends: Fish are weird, right? I mean uh…what’s up with fish?
* Nurse: So, how are you feeling?
* Then bends: On top of the world! Except my foot. I can't feel my foot. WHY CAN'T I FEEL MY FOOT!?!
* Nurse: Don't worry! That's normal after being in a coma for a week. It'll come back sometime.
* Then bends: Do you guys have any food? I feel like I have an empty stomach.
* [Then bends stomach makes T-Rex noises.]
* Then bends: A very empty stomach.
* Nurse: We have some crackers.
* Then bends: Crackers are lame! I want a pizza!
* Nurse: Pizza's a bit heavy for now. Let's just eat the crackers.
* [Flashforward.]
* Then bends: And they were the lamest crackers I ever had.
* Mold Mario: How did you pass the time while you were there?
* Then bends: Check it out!
* [Then bends pulls a board game out of nowhere.]
* Then bends: "Bendsgammon!"
* Mold Mario: I'm sure we'll play that someday.
* Then bends: So, what were you gonna say earlier?
* Mold Mario: I was gonna say that... I was diagnosed with Fanum Taxia. I have only a few years left to live.
* [Pause.]
* Then bends: AND YOU LET ME GO FIRST?!?
* [Fade to black, for ads.]
* Then bends: You got DIAGNOSED with FANUM TAXIA?
* Mold Mario: It's not that big of deal!
* [Flashback.]
* Mold Mario: This is so embarrassing. I am fine. Honestly. It's just some bug going around. Some of my friends, and now me. It's just like a chest cold. Could be some low blood sugar as well. I didn't have the greatest breakfast this morning, honestly. Hey, listen, can you do me a favor? Can you just drop me off at a corner somewhere?
* EMT: No. Sorry.
* Mold Mario: It's just that I don't have the greatest insurance.
* EMT: Take a couple of deep breaths for me. Is there anybody you want us to contact for you?
* Mold Mario: Oh, heavens to bess, no!
* EMT: Lean forward for me, would you? Mold Mario, are you a Rizzler?
* Mold Mario: No. Never. Why do you ask?
* [Cut to later.]
* Doctor: Mold Mario?
* Mold Mario: Yes.
* Doctor: You understood what I've just said to you?
* Mold Mario: Yes. Fanum Taxia. Inoperable.
* Doctor: I'm sorry I just need to make sure you fully understand.
* Mold Mario: Best-case scenario, with chemo, I'll live maybe another couple years.
* [Flashforward.]
* Mold Mario: And, well... the only way I can afford these bills is if I break bad.
* Then bends: I-I can't believe this. You have to BREAK BAD?
* Mold Mario: I have to break bad!
* Then bends: Mold Mario, you can't just break bad! There has to be another way!
* Mold Mario: I wish there was but there isn't! I know the risks, but I have no choice! I can't just sit back and do nothing!
* Then bends: You're risking the lives of everybody around you! Haven't you taken any time to think?
* Mold Mario: You know what time is to me? Practically nothing! I mean, sure, all of his are gonna die anyway, but it's nice to not know when it's gonna happen!
* [Suddenly, Mold Mario gets a phone call.]
* Mold Mario: I have to take this. It's time for me to go... break bad.
* Then bends: Mold Mario, I-
* Mold Mario: I'm sorry.
* [Mold Mario walks out of MacLaren's. Pause.]
* Then bends: Heh-heh... she break on my bad till I-NO!!! I CAN'T DO THIS!
* [Then bends throws his beer bottle on the ground. It shatters. Cut to Then bends walking out of MacLaren's]
* Then bends: I've gotta stop him from breaking bad! Now, where's my car?
* [Then bends checks each row of cars.]
* Then bends: Did someone steal my car? What the hell, man!
* [He searches on the other side.]
* Then bends: This is just perfect! My car's grown legs and walked away!
* [Cut to a shot of Then bends' car.]
* Then bends' Car: Finally! I'm free! I'm free!!!!!!
* [Cut back to Then bends.]
* Then bends: Well, I guess this is a lost cause...
* [Suddenly, Then bends finds a "Thing-Inator."
* Then bends: OH MY GOD! A THING-INATOR!
* [Then bends goes to it, and sees a piece of paper on it.]
* Then bends: What does this say... "Find my Paiges. Signed, Slenderman." That's useless!
* [Then bends rips the piece of paper off, only to find another paper under it.]
* Then bends: Oh, come on! "Dear Pesky Plumbers,. The Koopalings and I have taken over the Mushroom-" THIS ISN'T IMPORTANT AT ALL!
* [Then bends rips the paige up. He's finally able to reach the "Thing-Inator."]
* Then bends: Alright, let's ge me a new car!
* [Then bends pulls the lever. Things start to go up an down on the screen, like a slot machine.]
* Then bends: Alright what'll it land on? Mines, oil slick, smoke screen, shield...
* [It lands on something.]
* Then bends: "BAD OBJECT SHOW REFERENCE?" Damn it!
* [The FreeSmart Supervan crushes Then bends.]
* Then bends: What! I don't... I don't wanna drive this thing! I hate Object Shows, I hate my child., and I hate Ralph Macchio! (he sighs) Oh, well. If I have to, I have to...
* [Cut to Mold Mario in his meth lab. He's on the phone with Mold Luigi.]
* Mold Mario: No, Mold Luigi. Meth isn't actually glass, it just sort of looks like it.
* [Suddenly, the FeeSmart Supervan crashes in.]
* Then bends: No! You can't do this! Breaking bad is.... it's bad!
* Mold Mario: I know, I know. But I have too!
* Then bends: I'm not letting you do-
* [Mold Mario shoots Then bends, killing him instantly.]
* Mold Mario: Ah, give it a rest, pest!
* [Cut to an exterior shot of the meth lab.]
* Narrator: And so, Then bends was killed. Just kidding! He was rescued by oh... let's say... Moe.
* [Cut to black. After 5 seconds, we fade back in. "''Er Indoors" plays as Zoltan appears to be receiving a phone call.]
* Zoltan: WHAT?!? THEN BENDS IS DEAD?!?
* [Zoltan throws his phone across the room so hard, that it breaks through the wall, and through multiple houses. Cut to a shot of Quackers' house. He is filming a new video.]
* QuackersClocks: So, now let's start today's Chime-a-Thon!
* [As Quackers is preparing for the Chime-a-Thon, Zoltan's phone hits and breaks whatever clock he was holding. Pan left. SF99, sitting on a lawn chair, is watching Quackers while eating popcorn.]
* SF99: Chime-a-Thon is ruined? This blows!
* [SF99 angrily throws his popcorn on the ground. Cut back to Zoltan.]
* Zoltan: I can't take this anymore.
* [Zoltan walks into his kitchen, which has a noose hanging from the ceiling. There is a chair below it. Zoltan steps onto the chair.]
* Zoltan: Oh, well. You win some, you lose some.
* [Zoltan looks up.]
* Zoltan: I'll see you again, bends.
* [Zoltan looks down.]
* Zoltan: Probably down there, though.
* [Zoltan hangs himself. The end.]
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