Hoist up the Thing

"Hoist up the Thing" is the first track on the 2020 album Cures What Ails Ya. Written by Robbie Sattin, this is a Longest Johns original.
It weaves a comedic story of an inexperienced fraud posing as a sea captain to hilarious effect.
==Factoids==
Robbie has said this is his favorite song to lead.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49sN3poGGHE&t=9465s
==Lyrics==
Fresh out of college, with grades straight from Hell,
I browsed for a trade at which I could excel.
An ad for a ship in need of some manning,
Men, sails, and purpose, but lacking a captain.
What luck, says I, to find such good fortune!
A few white lies later, I ran down the pier.
Bought me a coat and a cutlass or two,
Jumped on the deck, and I yelled at the crew:
{Chorus}
Hoist up the thing! Batten down the whatsit!
What's that thing spinning? Somebody should stop it!
Turn hard to port! (That's not port?) Now I've got it!
Trust me, I'm in control!
I can’t sing the shanties, it has to be said,
And all of that grog just goes right to my head.
Whale meat is gross and I miss a girl’s laugh.
Five weeks at sea, even Dave seems a catch!
{Chorus}
We’ve hit icy waters, no land to be seen.
The food’s getting low and the beer has gone green.
There’s murmurs of discontent under the deck.
If I don’t act fast, it could be my neck!
So pull up the charts and those weird gold machines
I see what it says but no clue what it means!
Just pull on some levers and yank on some chains,
Feign a bad back 'til we’ve landed again.
{Chorus x3}
(Final Chorus)
Hoist up the thing! Batten down the whatsit! (Huh?)
What's that thing spinning? Somebody should stop it! (BLOODY HELL!)
Turn hard to port! (This is SHERRY!) Now I've got it! (Screaming)
Trust me, I'm in control! (MOMMY)
Trust me, I'm in control!
==Recordings==
====Streaming/Purchase====
*Amazon Music (Cures What Ails Ya version
*Amazon Music (Commodore 1864 version)
*Amazon Music (Made of Ale version)
*Apple Music/iTunes (Cures What Ails Ya version)
*Apple Music/iTunes (Commodore 1864 version)
*Apple Music/iTunes (Made of Ale version)
*Bandcamp (Cures What Ails Ya version)
*Deezer (Cures What Ails Ya version)
*Deezer (Commodore 1864 version)
*Deezer (Made of Ale version)
*Pandora (Cures What Ails Ya version)
*Pandora (Commodore 1864 version)
*Spotify (Cures What Ails Ya version)
*Spotify (Commodore 1864)
*Spotify (Made of Ale version)
====YouTube Videos====
*Music Video
*Made of Ale Sessions video
*Commodore 1864 version
====Gig Videos====
*Shrewsbury Folk Festival (27 Aug 2021)
*Whelan's, Dublin, Ireland (3 Dec 2021) 
*Old Songs (25 Feb 2022)
*Le Poisson Rouge, NYC (27 Feb 2022)
*Exeter Phoenix (26 April 2022)
*Nottingham - The Bodega (30 Apr 2022)
*Fox Theater - Boulder, CO (2 Nov 2022)
*The Studio at the Factory - Dallas, TX (23 Nov 2022)
*Shanties 2023 - Krakow, Poland (26 Feb 2023)
*Kraków, Poland (26 Feb 2023)
*Cursus Festival 2023
*Falmouth International Sea Shanty Festival (17 Jun 2023)
====Full Band Streams====
*Album Launch Party! Cures What Ails Ya, Available June 10th (Preorder Now) (10 Jun 2020)
*It's hot! Stream was a bad choice... Or was it? (24 Jun 2020)
*100k Subscriber Thank You Stream (19 Aug 2020)
*Carry On My Wayward Stream (16 Sep 2020)
*We Built This Stream(y) on Shant and Folk (11 Nov 2020)
*Boulevard of Broken Streams (17 Feb 2021)
*We're Going to Wellermania! (14 Apr 2021)
*Desert Bus 2021
*THE SING ALONG! JINGLE JAM 2021 - DAY 6! w/ The Longest Johns (9 Dec 2021)
*Exstream Close-up (31 May 2022)
*Jingle Jam 2022 (10 Dec 2022)
*Streamship Troopers (15 Mar 2023)
*A Midsummer Nights Stream (5 Jul 2023)
*Jingle Jam 2023 | Day 4 (4 Dec 2023)
*JINGLE JAM DAY 8! The Longest Johns Live Jingle Jam Concert (8 Dec 2023)
====Gaming Streams====
*Anyone for a Shanty? | Sea of Thieves Singing Live Stream!! (Part 2) (23 Sep 2020)
*Sing & Sail & Kegs me Skellyboys! - 15/06/2020 Stream
*Sea of Thieves Tall Tales Marathon for Charity Part 1 (24 Jun 2020)
*Sea of Thieves Tall Tales Marathon for Charity : Part 2 (24 Jun 2020)
*GHOST SHIP! And some singing I guess... - 19/06/2020
*Sea of Sings (and probably thieves) - 26/06/2020
*Sea of Sings on a Monday afternoon, oh what a splendid sight to see - 29/06/2020
*Sea of Sings on a Friday evening, oh what a salty sight to sea - 03/07/2020
*Sea of Sings: Sing harder! - 06/07/2020
*Sea of Sings. Tonight we hit the high C's... - 10/07/2020
*Sea of Sings. Tonight we hit the high C's... - 10/07/2020 - Song repeated
*Sea of Sings. Tonight we sink to the low C's... - 13/07/2020
*Sea of Sings! Let's ride the waves like majestic manatees! - 17/07/2020
*Sea of Sings! Let's get boaty! - 20/07/2020
*Sea of Sings! Let's get boaty! - 20/07/2020 - Song repeated
*Musical larceny on the big blue wet thing - 10/08/2020
*Hoist Up The Thing! - 14/08/2020
*I like big boats and I cannot lie - 17/08/2020
*Boat! Boat! Boat! Boat! Boat! - 21/08/2020
*Sea of Sings, Arena edition! w/ KHARITES_ & xSHUMBAx - 24/08/2020
*It's Sea of Sings! Featuring Krotukk! Huzzah! - 28/08/2020
*Tunes and Topgallant Sails - 31/08/2020
*Super Monday Afternoon Singing Time On The Sea! - 07/09/2020
**bangs table* boat boat dogs vaults sing boat! - 11/09/2020
*Musical larceny on the big blue wet thing - 14/09/2020
*It's boat time! Sea of Sings! - 21/09/2020
*Sea of Sings? Sea of chaos! - 25/09/2020
*Yarr harr fiddley dee and all that. Sea of Sings! - 28/09/2020
*SHANT! - 02/10/2020
*Sea of Sings! - 05/10/2020
*Sea of Thieves? Singing? Splendid! - 09/10/2020
*Sea of Sings! Yarr and all that... - 16/10/2020
*Sailing, Wailing and Failing with Captain Falcore! - 19/10/2020
*Sea of Sings! Let's Shant! With Kharites & TeachCourage! - 23/10/2020
*Sea of Sings! 3 2 1 SHANT! - 26/10/2020
*DROPS! Sea of Sings! with BehavingBeardly! SHANT! - 30/10/2020
*DROPS! Sea of Sings! with BehavingBeardly! SHANT! - 30/10/2020 - Song repeated
*Sea of Sings! with AsylumGC8! SHANT! - 31/10/2020
*Sea of Sings! with Spammals! SHANT! - 1/11/2020
*Sea of Sings! with Captain_Falcore! SHANT! - 2/11/2020
*Sea of Sings! with KroTukk! SHANT! - 3/11/2020
*Sea of Sings! Welcome to the Shantydome! - 6/11/2020
*Sea of Sings! - 13/11/2020
*Shants on the sea! - 16/11/2020
*Full Friendship followed by Battle Royale! - 23/11/2020
*Sea of Adventure with BehavingBeardly - 27/11/2020
*Sea of Joviality with KroTukk and KHARITES_ - 28/11/2020
*Sea of Hijinks with Freyline - 29/11/2020
*Sea of Good Tidings - 30/11/2020
*Welcome to the Shantdome! - 4/12/2020
*Musical larceny on the big blue wet thing - 7/12/2020
*Musical larceny on the big blue wet thing - 7/12/2020 - Song repeated
*Let's do a sing and get in the sea !drops - 11/12/2020
*Let's do pirate stuff - 12/12/2020 
*Let's get splashy - 14/12/2020 
*Let's get splashy - 18/12/2020 
*Sea of Sings, ye scurvy dogs! | - 4/01/2021 
*Get in the sea! it's Sea of Sings! | - 6/01/2021 
*Let's get piratical! Sea of sings! - 8/01/2021 
*Sea of Sings in the morning! - 11/01/2021 
*Sea of Sings! Pirate malarkey afoot! - 15/01/2021 
*Virtual Pirate Concert with Krotukk - 16/01/2021 
*It's yarr time! Sea of Sings! Set sails to 100% - 22/01/2021 
*Sea of Sings! Seasons or something! - 29/01/2021 
*Sea of Sings! Yarr? - 01/02/2021 
*Game Dev stream! Yarrs for everyone! - 05/02/2021 
*Sea of Sings! Let's get splashy! - 06/02/2021 
*Sea of Sings with Azuki and HappyKrakenX - 08/02/2021 
*Sea of Sings with Teachcourage and TheSneakyBeagle - 09/02/2021 
*Sea of Sings! Let's get splashy! - 12/02/2021 
*Sea of Sings LIVE | The Longest Johns Sea of Thieves Stream
*Sea of Sings! Boats and stuff! - 15/02/2021 
*Sea of Sings - It's boat time - 22/02/2021 
*Sea of Sings! With JD, Dave, Robbie and WIREDmag! - 08/03/2021 
*Give it away, give it away, give it away now! | Sea of Sings - 15/03/2021 
*Sea of Sings with Kharites_! Let's help her celebrate reaching 7k followers! - 19/03/2021
*Singing and Sailing with BehavingBeardly and KroTukk - 21/03/2021 
*Singing and Sailing in Sea of Thieves! With @RobRaven - 29/03/2021 
*Giveaway Giveaways on the Waves! - 12/04/2021 
*Season Two!! New skins, new voyages, same old Kharites_! - 16/04/2021 
*It's Monday, Monday, Singing and Sailing on Monday! - 26/04/2021 
*How many pirates does it take to change THE MUSIC INDUSTRY AS WE KNOW IT?!? - 07/05/2021
*Let's get in the sea and do a music! - 14/05/2021 
*Help me, Bob, we're bullies in a galley! - with Kharites_ & Krotukk! - 28/05/2021 
*Stop blowing holes in my ship! with THE Cpt Jack Sparrow & THE Kharites_! - 25/06/2021
*A Stream! Ho! Stream away, we'll Sea of Thieves together, with Kharites - 04/06/2021 
*Sloop, Sloop, a tasty Sloop, Sloop... Singing and Sailing Monday Style - 28/06/2021 
*Sea of Sings! With @RoyalNavyESports - 12/07/2021 
*Sea of Sings! Lets hope the internet is fixed... - 19/07/2021 
*Sea of Sings LIVE | The Longest Johns Sea of Thieves Stream
*The seas are alive, with the sound of cannons! with Kharites_ and Krotukk - 30/07/2021
*Friday funtime happy murder party! with Kharites & Krotukk - 13/08/2021 
*Singing and a'Sailing with RobRaven - 16/08/2021 
***Insert Stream Title Here** - Sea of Sings with SneakyBeagle - 30/08/2021 
*Ah For Just One Time, I would Sing and Sail in Sea of Thieves! - 23/08/2021 
*To the boatmobile! There's DROPS! - 01/10/2021 
*Aga Do Do Do, Eat Pineapples Do A Stream! With KHARITES_ and Krotukk - 08/10/2021 
*Sailing with friends and singing shanties? I'd ship that! with Krotukk - 15/10/2021 
*Say "A shoddily shod ship" 3 times fast... - 29/10/2021 
*Bo.........@? - 15/11/2021 
*We're Back!! First Sing & Sail of 2022 - 10/01/2022 
*New things?!? Well, new to us anyway. Now with added Spammals!! - 28/03/2022 
*Two SoT streams in one week?!? What is this, 2020? - 01/04/2022 
Category:Songs
Category:Longest Johns Originals
Category:Robbie Songs
Category:Cures What Ails Ya
Category:Commodore 1864
Category:Made of Ale Sessions