Spies in Disguise/Transcript

Wendy Beckett: Walter, have you seen my tweezers?
Young Walter: Um, sorry. Did you need that mug?
Wendy Beckett: I needed that coffee. So...
Unitee: Unitee.
Wendy Beckett: ...what you making, bud?
Young Walter: A gadget for you to wear on patrol.
Wendy Beckett: Oh.
Young Walter: It's the perfect tool to keep you safe. This button makes a really loud sound to incapacitate your enemies. (presses it and imiates an alarm blaring) Like that. (refers to another invention) This one can wrap you in an inflatable hug so no one can hurt you.
Wendy Beckett: A-ha.
Young Walter: And this one is for when you're outnumbered. You just hold out your hand and say, "Stop!" And boom! Glitter cloud! And the bad guys will leave you alone.
Wendy Beckett: Oh! Because glitter makes people happy?
Young Walter: Because the refracted light causes the enterochromaffin cells to release serotonin. (then) Yeah, glitter makes people happy. Let's try it out. Remember how you told me not to take apart your cell phone?
Wendy Beckett: Walter Beckett, you took apart my...
Young Walter: Still wanna kill me?
Wendy Beckett: No. Just the opposite.
Young Walter: Then it works! I also wanna add some kitten visuals to trigger the orbitofrontal cortex.
Cop: (on com) 11-A-25, Code Six, 104 North.
Wendy Beckett: Hon, I gotta go. Time for my shift. Be good for Gram, okay?
Young Walter: Uh, I'll come with you. I can finish this on the way. You won't even know I'm there.
Wendy Beckett: What you need to do is get ready for school.
Young Walter: Oh, Mom, school's boring. And the kids think I'm weird.
Wendy Beckett: Weird? Hey, look at me. What's wrong with weird? The world needs weird. Listen, I'm out there keeping the neighborhood safe. But one day, your ideas... your gadgets... are gonna keep the world safe. And everybody will wish they were as weird as you.
Young Walter: You think?
Wendy Beckett: I know. Now, give me a non-inflatable hug. (Walter hugs her) Love you, partner. I promise I'll always have your back. Team Weird?
Young Walter: Team Weird.
Lance Sterling: Man, it's cold! Hey, fellas. Konichiwa. Special Agent Lance Sterling. How you livin'? (the thugs shout in Japanese) Whoa, okay, okay. Everybody good? I'm just gonna take his gun and I'm gonna toss it to that snowman. And while you're both looking all confused, trying to figure out what's going on... I'm just gonna knock you out.
Thugs: Huh?
Lance Sterling: Ugh. He didn't deserve that. (looks up to see pigeons) Rats with wings. (on com) I'm in position.
Joy Jenkins: (on com) What is your situation?
Lance Sterling: Just getting a visual... now.
Joy Jenkins: (on com) 10 o'clock.
Lance Sterling: Katsu Kimura. Everybody's favorite arms dealer.
Joy Jenkins: (on com) There. That briefcase is your objective. Inside is the M9 Assassin. The first semi-autonomous attack drone, powered by atmospheric energy. Never shuts down, never stops pursuing its target. They stole it from our covert weapons lab.
Uh, Director Jenkins, he's got incoming. Detecting 70 extra hostiles around the perimeter.
Joy Jenkins: (sighs) I don't want another mess like Kyrgyzstan. Lance, listen to me. You've got 70 yakuza incoming. Stand down.
Lance Sterling: (scoffs) That's better odds than I usually get.
Joy Jenkins: (on com) No! Do not engage. This time, you need to wait for the backup team.
Lance Sterling: (scoffs) Team? I fly solo.
Joy Jenkins: (on com) Wait. Lance, listen to...
I think he cut off...
Joy Jenkins: I get it!
Yeah, great, that's right. Sorry.
Kimura: (in Japanese) The buyer is here. Go!
Lance Sterling: Huh.
Uh-oh. Guess it's time to introduce myself.
Thug: Huh?
Lance Sterling: You know how you can tell when you're the world's greatest spy?
Kimura: (growls) Sterling. Lance Sterling.
Lance Sterling: Everyone knows the name. I'mma need that case.
Kimura: (in Japanese) “Over my dead body.”
Lance Sterling: Just 3 ounces of pressure to the vagus nerve... and then look at your boy. Sleepy night-night. Hey, you mind giving me a hand? Hey, come on. What was it? The hand joke?
[Killian grabs Lance and scans him.]
Killian: You don't remember me, do you?
Lance Sterling: What can I say? I meet a lot of bad guys.
Killian: I'm gonna show you pain that you can't imagine.
[Thousands of henchmen appear to fight Lance.]
Killian: (in Japanese) “Make it hurt.” (walks off) 
Lance Sterling: I don't think that subtitle was in my favor. Okay. Oh, okay. You wanna do it the hard way? Let's go, then. Let's do it the hard way. It's about to get messy.
Henchmen: Aw.
Lance Sterling: What the...
Ooh.
Hey, don't take the loss so hard. I mean, you did great. And you got to meet Lance Sterling.
Geraldine: Next. Okay, put everything in the bin. Yes, come through. Oh! He's coming.
Female Agency Employee: Wow. Here he comes!
Lance Sterling: Yes, your eyes aren't deceiving you. Yep, it's him. Thank you, thank you.
Male Agency Employee: Looking good, Agent Sterling!
Lance Sterling: Hey, not looking so bad yourself. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, you know what? Go ahead back to work. Go ahead back to work. It's too much. (then) It's probably the right amount. But still go back to work. Still go back to work.
Geraldine: You're so crazy.
Dave: What's up, Sterling?
Lance Sterling: Lucas!
Dave: My name's Dave.
Lance Sterling: There you go. Good to see you.
Agents Bruno and Quane: Morning, sir.
Lance Sterling: Fellas, give it to me.
Agent Bruno: Dude, did you see that?
Agent Quane: Never wash that hand again.
Agent Bruno: I feel stronger. Like, I legit feel stronger.
Agent Quane: Can I hold it?
Agent Bruno: Yeah.
Lance Sterling: Dude from Accounting.
Dude from Accounting: Thanks for the win, Sterling.
Lance Sterling: Keep my money right. Keep my money right. Go ahead, man. All right.
Hey, welcome back, Lance.
Lance Sterling: Thank you, thank you.
Aw, he's the most adorable agent ever!
Lance Sterling: (sighs) Somebody gonna get it.
Oh! Agent Sterling. Walter Beckett.
Technician: (coughs) Weirdo.
Unitee: Unitee loves you.
Walter Beckett: All right, Unitee. Imagine... a hydrothermal explosion is about to melt your face off. But what's this? A gadget that can surround you in a pressurized pocket of safety? "Can it work?" It hasn't yet, but maybe. Here we go. Session number nine, test 30... Oh! Oh, hey, Terrance. Tonight's the season finale of Hearts in Seoul. I sent you an e-vite.
Terrance: I, uh...
Walter Beckett: You just click "accept" in your...
Agent Sterling. Uh... Hi, wow. Uh, Walter Beckett. Pleasure to meet...
Aw. You used it.
Lance Sterling: You touched my stuff.
Walter Beckett: Okay, okay. Look, I know it's non-traditional, but...
Lance Sterling: Feel me here, little man. So, I'm out there… and I'm saving the world, doing big things. That's what I do.
Walter Beckett: Mmm-hmm.
Lance Sterling: And the way I do it… is to have my things do the things I expect my things to do.
Walter Beckett: Yep. Ow.
Lance Sterling: Like blow stuff up. See, out there… I gotta fight fire with fire. Because if I try to fight fire with glitter… I could get my face burned off.
Walter Beckett: But you didn't. Because the kitty glitter worked.
Lance Sterling: Kitty litter?
Walter Beckett: Glitter. Kitty glitter. It's scientifically proven that watching kittens… causes the enterochromaffin cells to release serotonin. Glitter makes people happy.
Lance Sterling: Know what works even better? A grenade.
Walter Beckett: It's kinda violent, don't you think?
Lance Sterling: Can't save the world with a hug, Wilson.
Walter Beckett: It's Walter. And what if you could? The inflatable hug. Kind of a personal protection device I've been developing.
Lance Sterling: This is a vile waste of taxpayer dollars.
Walter Beckett: Look, I'm just saying you can do more by bringing people together… than blowing them up. And if I can convince you, we can convince the whole agency.
Lance Sterling: There is no "we."
Walter Beckett: Uh, Agent Sterling. Just... Okay. Okay, okay.
Lance Sterling: Millennials.
Walter Beckett: No, wait, wait, wait. Please don't close that door.
Lance Sterling: Not interested.
Walter Beckett: Listen, you gotta hear me out.
Lance Sterling: Whatever it is, no.
Walter Beckett: Phew. Look, I've been working on this thing at home, right... that is gonna change spying forever. Imagine... if I could make you, wait for it... drumroll, please... disappear.
Lance Sterling: Disappear?
Walter Beckett: Yeah. Disappear.
Lance Sterling: Why are you saying it like that?
Walter Beckett: For effect. I'm totally excited about it. It's called bio-dynamic concealment. Boom. Mic drop.
Lance Sterling: Huh? Conceal this?
Walter Beckett: I mean, you wouldn't need a bulletproof suit. You wouldn't need exploding cufflinks. You could blend in anywhere. What if you were totally... invisible?
Lance Sterling: Wow. Dude. That's a mess.
Walter Beckett: Don't worry yourself. The effects, they're only temporary.
Lance Sterling: All right, cool, cool. I'm gonna get outta here.
Wait, wait, wait. Look, you're the world's greatest spy. Nobody ever listens to my ideas or gives me a chance... but if you did... together... we could really make a difference.
Lance Sterling: "Make a difference"? Boy, I am the difference. All I need from you is when I want a grenade... make me a grenade. Can you do that?
Walter Beckett: There's a better way.
Lance Sterling: Wrong answer, Willy. You're fired.
Walter Beckett: What? Wait. No, no, no. Uh, please don't fire me!
Worker: Weirdo.
Lance Sterling: Mission accomplished. Oh, man, I'm telling you, it was one of my best. I was on fire. Fighting, explosions, tons of witty catchphrases.
Joy Jenkins: Lance?
Lance Sterling: I had to jump through a helicopter.
Joy Jenkins: Lance?
Lance Sterling: Right?
Joy Jenkins: Lance!
Lance Sterling: Hmm?
Joy Jenkins: Please tell me you have an explanation for why this is empty.
Marcy Kappel: I know why. Because he stole it.
Joy and Lance: (in unison) Excuse me?
Marcy Kappel: Agent Marcy Kappel, Internal Affairs. Mind if my team sweeps the room?
Joy Jenkins: Yes, I mind.
Eyes: They call me Eyes. Spectral analysis and quantum optical thermography.
Ears: Ears. Sound.
Lance Sterling: Okay. Hey, y'all need to ease out of my face right now. Whoa! Hey.
Ears: Weapons deactivated. Backing up.
Marcy Kappel: Take Agent Sterling into custody.
Joy Jenkins: All right, enough! We're talking about my top agent here. I trust this man.
Marcy Kappel: The only thing we can trust is the facts. Eyes?
Eyes: A surveillance camera in Tokyo picked this up two hours after your mission.
Security Guard: Stop right there.
Joy Jenkins: Lance?
Lance Sterling: Joy.
Eyes: His heart rate just spiked.
Lance Sterling: That's because it isn't me.
Ears: Vocal patterns is all off the hook.
Joy Jenkins: This has to be wrong.
Lance Sterling: This is wrong! I didn't... Look, there was a guy with a robot hand. He stole the Assassin, and he scanned my face to frame me.
Marcy Kappel: That sounds plausible, and not like something you just made up.
Ears: Sounds a little Scooby-Doo, bro.
Lance Sterling: It isn't me!
Marcy Kappel: Okay, so, just to be clear... there's a man with a robot hand and Lance's face who took the M9 Assassin. We all feel good about that? Okay, case closed. Let's go home.
Lance Sterling: You know what? There's a bad guy who needs to be stopped.
Marcy Kappel: Couldn't agree more.
Lance Sterling: Huh. You're good.
Joy Jenkins: Lance, just cooperate.
Marcy Kappel: Didn't see that coming, did you?
Lance Sterling: Did you see that coming?
Marcy Kappel: He's running. Why do they always run?
Off to save the world again?
Lance Sterling: Uh, yeah, you, too. You, too.
'Sup, Sterling?
Lance Sterling: All good, all good.
Marcy Kappel: Sorry. Sterling! Now.
Northwest corner.
Got him.
Lance Sterling: Coming through, coming through.
Marcy Kappel: Security! Shut this place down!
Geraldine: Agent Sterling?
Lance Sterling: I would do what she says. She is very unpleasant.
Prison Guard: Agent Sterling! What's happening, man? I was just telling the guys about the time you...
Lance Sterling: (to himself) All right, Sterling. Think. Think. Somebody else knows about Robot Hand. (sighs) Who? Kimura. Find Kimura.
GPS: Tracking Katsu Kimura. Wireless signal intercepted in Playa Del Carmen, Mexico.
Kimura: You shouldn't be calling me.
Lance Sterling: Mexico.
Kimura: I'm trying to lay low!
Lance Sterling: I need to disappear. (imitates Walter) Disappear. Bingo. Hope you got your pants on, Wilbur.
Unitee: Unitee.
Walter Beckett: (sadly) I miss you, Mom.
[?]
Walter Beckett: (sadly) See, Lovey? Some dreams do come true.
Oh, um... Okay. Commencing bio-dynamic concealment test number 83, batch five. Exothermic reaction.
That's an exothermic reaction. Uh, Lovey, could I borrow a feather, please? Thank you. Here's a little something for you. If this works, they'll have to give me my job back.
No way. It worked. It worked. It worked! It worked! It worked! Lovey, it worked! It worked!
Lance Sterling: I need to disappear.
Walter Beckett: What... How did you... What are you doing in my... What's up?
Lance Sterling: Okay, listen. That next-generation concealment tech you were talking about earlier... you wouldn't happen to have it on hand, would you?
Walter Beckett: Actually, I do happen to have it in hand.
Lance Sterling: Show it to me.
Walter Beckett: Sure. Um... Well, can I offer you a drink? I got water, soylent drinkable meal replacement...
Lance Sterling: (drinks the formula) Mmm. Good. We had a drink. So, what are we talking about here? Light-bending camo suit? Adaptive response silicon... Diet stuff has a weird aftertaste. What's the tech?
Walter Beckett: Um... Well, you just drank it.
Lance Sterling: Drank what?
Walter Beckett: The tech. Now it's gone. Yep.
Lance Sterling: Why do you have a pigeon in here?
Walter Beckett: Yeah, okay, that's just Lovey. She's my roommate. How am I gonna do this?
Lance Sterling: Um, that's weird.
Walter Beckett: This is bad. No, it's not.
Lance Sterling: To have a pigeon in your house.
Walter Beckett: It's amazing. It's science. Here we go. You just drank an ingestible formula that uses a CRISPR-Cas9 genetic editor... to resequence your DNA on a molecular level. Science rocks.
Lance Sterling: Wow! Okay, here's what I need you to do. Pretend like you're a normal person talking to a much cooler normal person. 
Walter Beckett: In precisely 45 seconds, you will transform into... a pigeon.
Lance Sterling: I'm out.
Walter Beckett: Wait, wait, wait. What you're about to experience is the future of espionage.
Lance Sterling: Okay.
Walter Beckett: You might be experiencing some mild discomfort. Or severe. I'll make a note of that.
Lance Sterling: This is because I fired you, right? Okay, I'm gonna walk outta here.
Walter Beckett: Yeah, that might be hard. Because you're in the middle of chromothripsis.
Lance Sterling: Okay, might pass out.
Walter Beckett: Oh, you're definitely gonna pass out. Your genomes are being smashed apart... so they can be reassembled with pigeon DNA.
Lance Sterling: Muscle it down, Lance. Muscle it down. Oh! What did you do? What did you do?
Walter Beckett: Whoa. You're entering Phase Two. Epigenetic modulation. Think of each gene as having a switch. And one by one, your switches are flipping to pigeon. Human-pigeon, human-pigeon, human-pigeon. Human-pigeon, human-pigeon, human-pigeon.
Lance Sterling: Stop with the lights! Wait, look at my hand! What's happening to my hand? 
Walter Beckett: Baby hand. This is the final phase!
Lance Sterling: This isn't so bad.
Walter Beckett: Your body is being flooded with endorphins to prepare you for the immense physical pain you're about to experience.
Lance Sterling: Wait. Say that again. You poisoned me!
Walter Beckett: "Poisoned"? That's not even my department.
Lance Sterling: Squeeze the poison out.
Walter Beckett: I wouldn't do that. Three seconds. You're gonna be fine. Trust me. Here we go.
Lance Sterling: Hmm? Ha!
Walter Beckett: What? Whoa. That clock's fast.
[?]
Walter Beckett: Lance? Lance. It worked. Subject's vitals are stable. Inserting rectal thermometer. It's okay, buddy. Hey, it's okay. Don't you worry. Your good friend Walter is here. 
[Lance screams in horror.]
Walter Beckett: Subject appears disoriented.
Pigeon Lance: Of course I'm disoriented.
Walter Beckett: You can talk? Lovey, he can talk! It worked.
Pigeon Lance: My eyes!
Walter Beckett: It worked. Can you believe this?
Pigeon Lance: What did you do to my eyes?
Walter Beckett: Hey, Lance, look at me.
Pigeon Lance: What did... Look at you? I can't not look at you, Walter. I can see my butt and your face at the same time!
Walter Beckett: That is so cool! Fact, pigeons have 360-degree vision. Now, nobody can sneak up behind you.
Pigeon Lance: Stop, girl. Come on.
Walter Beckett: This is so great. Pigeons can be found in every major city around the world... and no one notices them. It's the most perfect form a spy could take.
Pigeon Lance: You better un-bird me right now. That's it. I'm not playing with you. Un-bird... I'm raising my voice. I probably shouldn't be raising my voice at you. I guess you could imagine I'm a little stressed right now. I need you to un-bird me, Walter.
Walter Beckett: Mmm-hmm. Of course. I'll start working on an antidote right now.
Pigeon Lance: Start?
Walter Beckett: Well, the formula was purely theoretical until you...
Pigeon Lance: You're gonna start? You don't have an antidote? Stop, girl, seriously. Okay, okay. So, you birded me, and you can't un-bird me.
Walter Beckett: Technically, you kind of birded yourself.
Pigeon Lance: (laughs) I'mma hurt this boy. I'mma hurt this boy.
Walter Beckett: No, no, look. I know you're upset, but everything's okay. I called the Agency and told them you're here.
Pigeon Lance: You did what?
Walter Beckett: No, no, no, it's okay. I didn't tell them you're a bird. Although I think they're gonna figure that out pretty quickly.
Pigeon Lance: I gotta ghost.
Walter Beckett: Yeah, there may be one or two downsides to your new form.
Pigeon Lance: Webster, open the door.
Walter Beckett: Okay. Okay. What... Why are you running from the Agency?
Pigeon Lance: Get off me! I'm running... because there's a bad guy out there with my face... and now I have to try to stop him from hurting people while being a bird. And thank you for that. Thank you very much for that. You know what? You're fired again. Double fired!
Walter Beckett: Mmm, I don't think that's a thing.
Pigeon Lance: Oh, it's a thing. It's a thing now.
[?]
Pigeon Lance: Okay. It's a wingsuit. How hard could it be? Time to fly.
[?]
Pigeon Lance: Nope. You broke into the Kremlin using a napkin and a piece of duct tape. You should be able to get into your own car! Yep, yep, yep. Got it, got it, got it... Ow! Come on.
Walter Beckett: Okay, hear me out. 
Pigeon Lance: Is somebody talking? I don't hear anybody talking. Especially somebody that's been double fired... working on a triple fire.
Walter Beckett: I'll come with you. I can show you all the advantages of being a pigeon and how it can make you an even better spy. And then you'll give me my job back. We both win.
Pigeon Lance: All right, let me think about that. No.
Walter Beckett: Okay. Well, I suppose you have somebody else who has a mobile lab... who could turn you back into a man.
Pigeon Lance: (groans) Get in the car.
Walter Beckett: You won't even know I'm here.
Pigeon Lance: (sarcastic) I'll just ride out here, don't worry.
Walter Beckett: Oh, right. My bad.
Agent: Go, go, go! Moving through. I want that tree gone, now!
Marcy Kappel: Agent Sterling, exit the premises now!
Pigeon Lance: What are you doing? Get in the car!
Walter Beckett: Holy...
Pigeon Lance: Wilfred! Let's move!
Let's go, go, go!
Pigeon Lance: Activate auto-drive.
Auto-drive engaged. 
Pigeon Lance: Sterling private jet hangar. See that, Walter? You can bird me... but you can't stop me.
Marcy Kappel: He was behind us. (groans) Buckle up. And get me everything we can on that Beckett kid.
Eyes: You think they're working together?
Marcy Kappel: Sterling works alone. He's using him for something.
Pigeon Lance: You brought the lady bird?
Walter Beckett: She's my emotional support animal. 
Pigeon Lance: You're gonna need a life support animal if that bird poop in my... (sighs) We got company.
Eyes: We've got units blocking every street, overpass, and exit within a 5-mile radius.
Marcy Kappel: Perfect. Time for a cattle drive.
Ears: Saddle up!
Evasive maneuvers activated.
Pigeon Lance: I don't have time for this. Activate weapons.
Walter Beckett: What?
- Activating weapons.
Pigeon Lance: Relax. I'm just gonna take out her tires.
Walter Beckett: Uh, that's really bad.
Marcy Kappel: (chuckling) I dare you.
Deactivating weapons.
Walter Beckett: No, we're the good guys. We can't shoot the other good guys.
Pigeon Lance: (sarcastic) Yeah, you're right, Walter. Let's just pull over and talk it out.
Walter Beckett: Exactly. Can we?
Pigeon Lance: Activate weapons.
- Activating weapons.
Walter Beckett: Deactivate weapons.
- Deactivating weapons.
Walter Beckett: How about something non-lethal like oil slick?
Pigeon Lance: Activate weapons.
Walter Beckett: Deactivate weapons.
Pigeon Lance: Don't listen to Walter. Activate weapons.
Walter Beckett: Oil slick.
Pigeon Lance: Activate weapons.
Walter Beckett: Oil slick! Oil slick! Oil slick!
Ears: This man trippin'.
Walter Beckett: Oil slick! Oil slick! Oil slick!
Deactivate. System shut down. Goodbye.
Pigeon Lance: Oh, what did you do?
Ears: He's like a god of the asphalt.
Marcy Kappel: We'll see about that.
Pigeon Lance: All right, all right. I got this. I got this. I got this. I got this.
Walter Beckett: We're gonna die!
Pigeon Lance: Oh, no.
Walter Beckett: Watch out!
Eyes: We should be coming up on him any second.
Marcy Kappel: This ends now. Is everyone in position?
Affirmative. In position.
Pigeon Lance: Walter, get that computer back online.
Walter Beckett: Systems coming back online. 
Defensive applications online.
Walter Beckett: Oil slick?
Pigeon Lance: Fine, whatever! Just press it! Wait!
Lance and Walter: (in unison) We're driving backwards.
Walter Beckett: (in slow motion) No!
Ears: That was tight.
Eyes: Yep. It's official. I'm a fan.
Marcy Kappel: Did anyone else see a pigeon in that car?
Auto-drive engaged.
Walter Beckett: I can't help but feel like some of this is my fault.
Pigeon Lance: Some? Joker, this is all your fault. Airstrip. Now.
Walter Beckett: I'm sorry. Jeez. Didn't mean to ruffle your feathers.
Pigeon Lance: (sighs) I hate you.
Walter Beckett: Lovey, this is the opportunity we've been waiting for. There are so many gadgets I wanna test in the field. We got the binder bubbles, collide-oscope, hypno-stars, blamethrower, snorepedo. We've got the multi-pen. We haven't even tried the multi-pen in the... I'm gonna need a code name. Bond. Hydrogen Bond.
Pigeon Lance: Oh, no, where is it? Wait! What is that? What is that? Oh! No, no. Fly, fly, fly!
Walter Beckett: Hey, everything go okay in there?
Pigeon Lance: I just found out that number one and number two... both come out of the same place. So, no. Things are not okay.
Walter Beckett: Yeah. It's called a cloaca. It sounds weird and gross, but having a cloaca just means...
Pigeon Lance: Dude! I know what it means. Saw it in the mirror.
Walter Beckett: I know you're not in a good place right now... but there are benefits to being a pigeon.
Pigeon Lance: Okay, so read what used to be my lips. You're only here, because A, I can't work a touchscreen enough to eject you... and B, you're supposed to be working on something, correct?
Walter Beckett: Oh, the antidote. Right. Sure. Yeah, that's going to take 18 hours to render.
Pigeon Lance: I'm stuck like this, with this body, for 18... Ooh, boy... Whoo! Okay, walk this one off.
Walter Beckett: You know, being a pigeon is actually way cooler than it seems. And if you just embrace your new form, you'll see all the advantages. Like, fact, did you know that pigeons can see in slow motion? Because, fact, pigeons can fly up to 92.7 miles per hour. And, fact, pigeons are highly intelligent animals who like to play games. Oh, and, fact...
Pigeon Lance: Fact! You should have kept your seat belt on. Whoo!
Walter Beckett: Fact, pigeons can see ultraviolet light which is a broad spectrum of light the human eye can't even see. Fact, pigeons are a flock animal, which makes it easier for them to...
Pigeon Lance: All right, Kimura, I'm coming for you. Lance Sterling is on the scene.
Walter Beckett: And Bond. Hydrogen Bond.
Pigeon Lance: Dude, you need medicine.
Man: Go, go, go!
Woman: Hey! You just pushed me.
Pigeon Lance: All right, y'all better squad up, 'cause here comes the... (Walter pokes him with his foot) Hey! Did you just toe-poke me?
Walter Beckett: You're a pigeon. You can walk right past them.
Pigeon Lance: Oh. Huh. Just a regular old bird.
Walter Beckett: Uh, that's not a pigeon sound.
Pigeon Lance: Till you grow a cloaca, I decide what the bird sounds are. They're so stupid. 
Walter Beckett: You see, it's like you're invisible.
Pigeon Lance: (chuckles) All right.
Hotel Receptionist: Your room key, sir.
Pigeon Lance: Bingo.
Walter Beckett: Okay, let's figure this out. You and me. Let's go. Let's brainstorm. How we gonna find this nut?
Pigeon Lance: Uh, you are gonna sit down right here on this very nice couch.
Walter Beckett: But I'm your wingman.
Pigeon Lance: Ooh, you know who needs a wingman? That couch. Go sit your narrow behind down and do some science stuff... and I'mma go find Kimura. Alone.
Oh, what is that heavenly smell? (sniffs) Mmm.
Oh, no.
Do not do it, Lance.
(coos) Oh...
Mmm. Lance! Have some dignity.
Walter, what is happening?
Walter Beckett: It must be some sort of latent avian instincts kicking in.
Pigeon Lance: Why am I eating food off of the ground? Why does it taste amazing? Ugh. No, I'm good. Thank you. Oh, wow. My dude, seriously, give me 10 feet. Hey, no, human feet. Back up. Oh, no. I wish I could unsee that.
Walter Beckett: This is huge. They've made you part of their flock.
Pigeon Lance: I'm not trying to be a part of nobody's flock. Shoo! Back up, fanboy. I don't care that your name is Jeff. Beat it.
Walter Beckett: You can understand them?
Pigeon Lance: What? No, no!
Walter Beckett: Does Lovey really love me?
Pigeon Lance: I'm not hearing bird-talk.
Walter Beckett: Am I her best friend?
Pigeon Lance: None of this is right!
Walter Beckett: Nice to meet you, Jeff.
Pigeon Lance: Stop talking to Jeff!
Ugh.
All right, what alias are you using, Kimura?
"Not Kimura." (sarcastic) Wow. That's clever.
I am way too good at this.
Oh, come on. Seriously, fellas. Not now.
This is so humiliating.
Hey, I'm not for the games.
You better not... Mmm-mmm.
Stop it.
Stop it! Stop!
No!
Stop it!
What is wrong with you?
Oh.
Hotel Receptionist: Rata con alas.
Walter Beckett: Well, would you look at that? Being in a flock helped you.
Pigeon Lance: Not my flock!
Walter Beckett: Lance... Lance. Wait, wait, wait. Uh... You should not go up there alone. Maybe I have something else that can help.
Pigeon Lance: Walter, I do not need your help. Never will. Can you push "20" for me, please?
Walter Beckett: I thought you didn't need any help.
Pigeon Lance: I don't.
Walter Beckett: Feels like helping.
Pigeon Lance: Nope.
Walter Beckett: Yeah, a little bit.
Pigeon Lance: Didn't.
Walter Beckett: Did!
Pigeon Lance: Did not!
Kimura: Who's there? Talk while you still have lips.
Pigeon Lance: Shut it, Kimura.
Kimura: Sterling.
Pigeon Lance: Uh-uh. Eyes front, hands up.
[Kimura raises his hands up, dropping the towel to show he's naked.]
Pigeon Lance: (disgusted) Ooh. Scratch that. Pick up your towel. One hand up.
Kimura: (as he puts his towel on) What do you want?
Pigeon Lance: Here's how this works. I ask the questions, you answer. What?
Kimura: What? I don't know how to answer that.
Pigeon Lance: How did you get here?
Kimura: Huh? How did I... I'm not telling you anything.
Pigeon Lance: Stop! Get off of me. You sold the Assassin to a guy with a robot hand. Where is he?
Kimura: He'll kill me if I tell you that.
Pigeon Lance: Oh, and you think I won't? Talk!
Kimura: Oh! (speaks in Japanese) Remarkable. A remote-operated pigeon.
Pigeon Lance: All right, Kimura, three ounces of pressure to the vagus nerve. Sleepy night-night! (sighs) I miss my hands. Lance Sterling is gonna die a pigeon... and be buried in a shoebox.
Walter Beckett: Lance, are you okay?
Pigeon Lance: Walter?
Marcy Kappel: Sterling is here somewhere. I want agents on every exit. And everyone be careful. This is Lance Sterling we're dealing with.
Pigeon Lance: Tell me where Robo Hand is.
Kimura: Never.
Pigeon Lance: Boy, I'm about to pigeon-wing-slap... Oh. Oh, tough guy. Okay. Then we do it the hard way. Walter, I need a funnel, jumper cables, and a Nickelback album.
Kimura: Nickelback?
Walter Beckett: What? But that would hurt him.
Pigeon Lance: That's the whole point.
Walter Beckett: I know what to do.
Kimura: No, no, no. Don't do that.
Pigeon Lance: Ooh. That's what I'm talking about, Walter. Go science on this fool!
Walter Beckett: Oh, yeah! I'm gonna science all over your face.
Kimura: Please, don't!
Pigeon Lance: Did you just give that man a refreshing spritz?
Walter Beckett: It's a truth serum, but yes, it has a lavender quality to it. Watch. Kimura, what's your biggest secret?
Kimura: (under the truth serum) I peed in the pool.
Lance and Walter: (in unison) That's a lot of honesty.
Pigeon Lance: Who is Robo Hand? And why is he wearing my face?
Kimura: I don't know who he is.
Pigeon Lance: Then what do you know?
Kimura: Well, I know how to play the flute.
Pigeon Lance: About Robo Hand!
Kimura: I know he's on his way to Venice right now to steal the Agent Database. He's going to kill me.
Walter Beckett: Agent Database?
Pigeon Lance: Database.
Kimura: Who says "database"?
Pigeon Lance: Shut up.
Walter Beckett: He'll know the identities of everyone at the Agency.
Kimura: And once he does... he'll use the Assassin to eliminate all of them.
Pigeon Lance: Not if I stop him first.
[?]
Pigeon Lance: (grunts) She is relentless. Block the door. We need something heavy.
Kimura: I'm heavy.
[?]
Pigeon Lance: Are you pulling?
Walter Beckett: Of course I'm pulling! Why aren't you pushing? Just put your weight behind it.
Pigeon Lance: I am putting my weight! I'm feathers!
Walter Beckett: It's like a big bag of pudding!
Pigeon Lance: Ugh. Yuck.
Kimura: This is so embarrassing.
Pigeon Lance: Come on, Walter. Use your glutes.
Marcy Kappel: You're out of moves, Sterling. You and Beckett are wanted for treason.
Pigeon Lance: We gotta go. Now.
Kimura: No. Don't leave me like this.
Walter Beckett: Sorry. I'm so sorry.
Marcy Kappel: Ears?
Ears: Consider it done.
Pigeon Lance: We gotta get to that balcony. We're gonna have to parkour.
Walter Beckett: What?
Pigeon Lance: Cat pass! Tic-tac! Jelly roll! 
Walter Beckett: Desk lamp! Flimflam! Bottle cap! I don't know what any of that means.
Kimura: Hi.
Marcy Kappel: What the... What happened to you? (gags)
Kimura: Oh, don't do that. You're gonna make me... (gags)
Pigeon Lance: Now or never, Walter. Gotta go! Come on, Walter! You can do this! Okay, it's a physics problem, Walter. Come on. It's basic physics!
Walter Beckett: It's just basic physics. You're right. We can do this.
Marcy Kappel: Beckett!
Walter Beckett: We can do this.
Marcy Kappel: Beckett, don't you...
Walter Beckett: We're gonna do this! We can do this!
Pigeon Lance: Use your gadgets! Use your gadgets!
Walter Beckett: A-ha! Grappling hook!
Pigeon Lance: Fly! Fly! What am I doing wrong?
Soldier: There he is!
Walter Beckett: Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!
Pigeon Lance: Well, that's not good.
Walter Beckett: Buenos dias. Hasta la vista, baby! Oh!
Pigeon Lance: Walter, what else you got on that pen?
Walter Beckett: No.
Pigeon Lance: Oh, hello, soft landing. Oh! Whoa! Walter!
Go, go, go!
Pigeon Lance: Oh, these guys are the worst.
- There he is!
- Don't move!
Walter Beckett: (gasps) The multi-pen!
Pigeon Lance: Yes! Great. Shoot 'em!
Walter Beckett: Well, that is suboptimal.
Pigeon Lance: That has a bit of a suck factor to it.
Yeah, pillow. Good call.
Walter Beckett: Lance, get down. Get down!
Waiter: Huh?
Walter Beckett: Serious string. Like Silly String, but serious. 
Pigeon Lance: Oddly effective. Come on, let's ghost.
Eyes: There's something you don't see every day.
Ears: Wow. This is tripped out. This is... I don't know what this is.
Marcy Kappel: This couldn't have been Sterling. No one's even hurt.
Ears: It might be that kid, Beckett.
Marcy Kappel: But that doesn't make sense! Beckett is just some nobody in the gadget lab.
Eyes: Well, according to his file, that "nobody" graduated MIT at 15... and invented a way to edit human genomes in middle school.
Ears: Dude is Jeopardy! smart.
Marcy Kappel: Well, so are we. (steps in the goo) I stepped in it. I stepped in the goo.
Eyes: Yeah, me, too.
Ears: These are my new kicks, man.
I hope this works. I hope this works. I hope this works. Please, please, please.
Weapons system online. Agent Database required for targeting.
It's done! The entire facility is running at full capacity. Everything is exactly how you wanted it. But, please, the destruction this is capable of...
Killian: Since when does your agency care about the many, many, many lives it destroys?
No! Wait, wait, wait! No, no, no! No, please, please! Wait, wait, wait! You said if I helped you, you'd let me go.
Killian: Oh, yeah, I did. Didn't I? I hear Venice is wonderful this time of year.
Pigeon Lance: Aw, yeah. Just wait till I get to Venice. I'mma tear that fool his own cloaca. Walter! Walter!
Walter Beckett: Huh? What?
Pigeon Lance: You're still working on that antidote, right?
Walter Beckett: Working on it? In a couple minutes, it's done. But do you know what else is working?
Pigeon Lance: If you say being a pigeon...
Walter Beckett: Being a pigeon!
Pigeon Lance: I'm really gonna throw this boy in the ocean. What? Hey, how did y'all get here?
Walter Beckett: (chuckles) Jeff and Crazy Eyes aren't going to abandon you. They're part of your flock.
Pigeon Lance: Come on. No. Get your beak out my drink. I have no idea where that beak has been. Back out. No! Stop it!
Walter Beckett: Okay, okay. Here you go, guys. Come on. Have some of these. They're gluten-free.
Pigeon Lance: You're joking, right? That one ate gum stuck to a tissue. And a spy pen.
Walter Beckett: We should probably do something about that. It's ready.
Pigeon Lance: Finally.
Walter Beckett: May I? Not this time, Lovey. Thank you.
Pigeon Lance: Ow! Joker.
Walter Beckett: Well, that's not good.
Pigeon Lance: "Not good" as in it'll taste bad but still turn me back into a human?
Walter Beckett: Mmm, "not good" as in it won't turn you back into a human... and if you drink it, all your cells will catch on fire.
Pigeon Lance: Come on, man!
Walter Beckett: I'm sorry. I'll figure it out. Science is all trial and error.
Pigeon Lance: This isn't a science lab. If I don't stop this guy, people will die!
Walter Beckett: You don't think that I want to stop him, too? Why do you think I'm on this boat? Do you have any idea of how much motion sickness medication I'm on right now? I can hardly feel my legs! But I'm here because I believe… together, we can find a good way to stop the bad.
Pigeon Lance: (sighs) I know you do, man. But it's a fantasy. When the bad guys hit you, you hit 'em back. You hit 'em so hard that they don't get back up. You gotta fight fire with fire.
Walter Beckett: When we fight fire with fire, we all get burned. There's no good guys or bad guys. Just people. And people are worth saving. Isn't that our job?
Pigeon Lance: Evil doesn't care that you're nice. I watch good people be taken every day. But you wouldn't know nothing about that.
Walter Beckett: You'd be surprised.
Pigeon Lance: First time in Venice?
Walter Beckett: First time anywhere, really. It's always been my dream to come here and feed the pigeons.
Pigeon Lance: You need help. Time to put your game face on. That's the Agency Data Vault.
Walter Beckett: Data Vault.
Pigeon Lance: If Robo Hand wants a list of agents, that's where he'll find it. You remember the plan?
Walter Beckett: What plan? You said, "Stay out of the way and let me kick some..."
Pigeon Lance: Good. You remember it.
Marcy Kappel: Long way from home, Walter. Kimura talked. I know Sterling's here in Venice. Where is he?
Pigeon Lance: Stay cool.
Marcy Kappel: Where's Sterling?
Walter Beckett: I can tell you where he's not. Which is right here.
Pigeon Lance: What? No, we can't just kill her. That's dark, Lovey.
Marcy Kappel: Look, I know you're not a criminal. You're a bright kid. You're inventing things that nobody has ever thought of. I know because my boot is still stuck in one of 'em.
Walter Beckett: Sorry.
Marcy Kappel: No, no. We're the ones who owe you an apology. You're trying to keep the world safe... just like your mother did. I read your file. I know she sacrificed her life to save people. I can help you, Walter. I can get you your job back. A new lab. All the equipment you need. Show them what you can do... and no one will ever call you weird again. You just have to give me Sterling.
Walter Beckett: No. We should all be working together.
Marcy Kappel: Bad move, Beckett.
Sterling!
Stay here.
Let's go.
- It's the Assassin.
- Come on.
Destroy the target!
We can't let that thing out of here.
Open fire!
It's got the database.
Oh, man.
It's not working!
I'm on it.
This is not good!
- Take cover!
- Now!
- Let's go.
- Beckett, don't you...
- Don't worry. We'll stop it.
- Beckett!
I mean, I'll stop it, because Lance is definitely not here.
We can't catch this thing on foot.
Whoa, hey, hey,
what are you doing?
You're a pigeon, Lance.
You're one of the fastest birds in the world.
No, put me down, Walter!
You need to fly!
I believe in you.
There's another way!
Boy, don't you throw me off this roof!
He'll figure it out.
Come on.
I'm gonna die.
I'm flying.
I'm flying.
I'm flying...
Oh, you're flying me.
Thank you.
Good looking out.
Whoa!
Whoa. All right, guys.
Let's go!
We got an Assassin to catch.
Excuse me.
Sorry.
That works, too.
- This is official business!
- Oh.
Okay.
Phew.
This is official business!
We need to get that database.
Any ideas?
Oh! I like how you think.
Bullseye!
Got it.
Yeah, didn't think he'd like that.
Good job.
Oh, that's right.
You all like games.
Let's play some Keep Away.
Go long.
Oh, no!
Not so easy, is it, Roomba?
Lovey, all you, girl!
Hit me. I'm open.
I got it! I got it!
Oh, no.
Oh, no, no, no!
This is about to suck!
No!
Come on, come on, come on!
Catch of the century!
I've never caught anything in my whole life!
That was amazing.
We did it!
We're gonna talk about you throwing me off that roof, though.
Yeah, I really thought that would work out better.
Nah, it's cool, it's cool.
We're gonna holler about it in a minute.
You know, I'm gonna let you have this moment. 
Whoo! We're unstoppable...
Uh-uh-uh.
That belongs to me.
Technically, it belongs to the United States government.
Lance! Lance!
Sterling?
What do you say, Lance?
Come out. 
We'll have some good fun.
You're the hero, right?
The spy who saves the day... destroying anybody that stands in your way.
Oh, I'd love to have some fun.
Guess he's not coming.
No.
Ah, life's full of disappointment.
You don't have to do it this way.
It won't make anything better.
No.
No!
Walter!
Killian: Breadcrumbs?
Walter Beckett: They're gluten-free.
Lance, let's go.
Hold it right there!
Turn around nice and slow!
Hands where I can see them.
Both hands.
Watch out!
Did anybody else see that
Agent Sterling had...
A robot hand?
Yeah.
Phew.
Totally crazy.
When he had his foot on my head, I was like...
And you were like, "No!"
And then, I was like, "Breadcrumbs!"
He still got away with the database.
Walter Beckett: Or did he? Or did he? Or did he?
Pigeon Lance: I feel like you want me to say, "What are you talking about?"
Walter Beckett: Oh, I'll tell you what I'm talking about. During the whole bird-nado thing, I put a tracker on him.
Wait. That's him?
That's Robo Hand?
Yep.
Yes!
Yes! My man!
Oh, there is no way I could have done this without you, Walter.
What?
What?
What did you say?
I think I said...
Walter Beckett: You said you couldn't have done it without me.
All right.
Okay, we've reached the time limit on this, Walter.
All right, hey, hey, will you stop?
You're squeezing too...
Oh! Whoa!
Walter, what happens in the submarine stays in the submarine.
Walter Beckett: You just laid an egg. You laid an egg!
Pigeon Lance: It just kinda slipped out, man.
Walter Beckett: You just laid an egg! Lance, this is amazing. Do you not realize what this means? You're a girl!
Pigeon Lance: Oh! Excuse me?
Walter Beckett: Of course, of course. That's why I couldn't figure this out. I used Lovey's DNA in the serum.
Pigeon Lance: And that helps us how?
Walter Beckett: Because now all I need to do is change one variable in the antidote... and you'll be human again.
Pigeon Lance: I'm gonna be me.
Walter Beckett: Unless, you know, maybe you wanna stay a pigeon a little longer.
Right.
Of course.
One antidote coming right up.
Director Jenkins, we lost the database.
Every Agency employee is compromised.
You need to pull everyone in for their own safety.
And you're sure it was Lance?
Yes.
Maybe?
Okay, I don't know what I saw.
But I still know for a fact that Sterling came here on this boat.
Sterling wasn't on this boat.
Son of a...
Come on!
There's gotta be something.
A footprint, a candy wrapper, some overpriced face lotion... because there is no way that his skin looks that good without help.
Look, everything is coming up blank.
If Sterling was on this boat...
he didn't leave a fingerprint, his lips never touched a glass... and somehow he didn't have feet.
I think it's safe to say that your investigation isn't getting anywhere.
Huh.
Lance?
Lance?
Oh...
Did it work?
Okay, take it easy.
I got my hands back.
Yes! Yes!
Oh, my pecs.
My pectoral muscles.
My abdominalia.
Oh, Walter, you are a...
I just...
I can do that 'cause I got lips now!
I'm naked.
Little bit awkward.
Lucky for you,
I planned ahead.
Good call.
There he is.
Lance Sterling.
Back in action. You have arrived at your destination.
All right, Robo Hand.
I'm coming for you.
Okay. Robo Hand is a mile due west.
So, what's the plan, partner?
I got plenty of glitter, yay-palm, a splat-a-pult...
No.
No what?
I'm taking it from here, Walter.
You're kidding, right?
Look, lives are on the line.
I got this now.
You've got this?
But we're a team.
You said so yourself.
And you did your job.
You un-birded me.
Now it's time to do things my way.
End this fool.
That's wrong.
You're so wrong.
Look, I've got everything that we...
This is not the place for your weird gadgets.
Weird?
Go home.
No.
I'm not giving up. Ow.
Lance...
I can't lose any more good people.
I fly solo.
Ow!
I think that's yours. But that face you've been using is mine. It's over. Database isn't gonna do you any good with your fancy toy messed up like that. 
Killian: You really thought I was gonna use one drone... to take out every name on this list?
Lance Sterling: I mean, I did. Until you asked that question that way. Casts a little doubt.
Killian: Tell me, Agent Sterling. You managed to stop one drone. How do you plan on stopping 1,000? Sleepy night-night.
Huh?
Do you feel that dread? Oh, can you feel it? Rolling around you like a fog.
Lance Sterling: I told you. I don't even know you, man.
Killian: But I know you. Think about it. No? I'll give you a little bit of help. Kyrgyzstan. Ah... He remembers. I mean, I certainly never forgot that day. You were magnificent. You were a one-man army. Lot of witty catchphrases... and you had all these fancy toys that just went boom! Boom. (reveals his cyborg face) Boom.
Lance Sterling: You were a bunch of bad dudes about to hurt a lot of innocent people. And it's my job to keep everyone safe.
Killian: Everyone? I watched every single one of my people die... as your agency's weapons rained down on us. You took everything from me. And you know the rules. You hit me hard, Sterling. I hit back harder.
All of this... because of you.
He's coming back for me.
Walter, no.
No, no, no.
Walter.
No, no, no.
Okay.
Hey, this kid is harmless.
He doesn't have anything to do with this, okay?
We can figure this out.
Look at me, look at me.
I'm sorry, all right?
There's another way!
Do you hear me?
Do not hurt this kid.
Oh, no.
Don't...
Don't do this.
- Please.
- No, no, no.
- Don't do this!
- No!
No!
I'm taking everything from you.
Huh?
Oh, right. Yeah.
Walter.
But I saw...
How did you...
Walter Beckett: Oh, you know, one of my weird gadgets.
The inflatable hug.
Thought I lost you, man.
I'll always have your back, Lance.
That's what it means to be a team.
It's something I learned a long time ago.
From your mom?
You're a good friend, Walter.
And, hey, I'm sorry for shooting you in your neck.
I'm sorry for the cloaca.
So, what's your plan to stop this guy?
Lance Sterling: Nope. Not my plan. Time to do it your way.
My way?
Oh, yeah. We about to Walter-ize this thing.
Well, in that case... we're gonna need a bigger flock.
You're calling Marcy, aren't you?
- Yep.
- Tell her I said hi.
- Let's get weird.
- Boom.
Nowhere to run from this, Lance.
Listen, I'm sorry about what happened in Kyrgyzstan.
But we are stuck in this good guy-bad guy vortex.
We do not have to do it like this.
Killian: Yeah, bit late for that.
It's not.
We're both just people who make mistakes.
- We can work this out, man.
- That's it.
Almost there.
You're doing great.
I mean, come on.
We can break this cycle.
Got it. I'm connected.
Nobody else has to get hurt.
You should know better than anyone.
Someone always gets hurt.
Not today-day.
You brought your own soundtrack?
Lance Sterling: We like to make an entrance.
Huh?
Oh.
Huh?
Would you look at that?
There's a man with a robot hand wearing your face... who took the M9 Assassin.
Guess I owe you an apology.
Okay. Go ahead.
No, that was it.
That was the apology.
Oh. I accept.
But you gotta admit, it was a little Scooby-Doo.
Oh, 100% Scooby-Doo.
I'm gonna make this hurt!
Okay, come on through.
You are safe here. Come on.
Is that everyone?
Director, we've got unknown incoming.
Approaching fast.
Oh, this is bad.
Lock this place down.
We're sitting ducks.
Walter hacked his hand.
We gotta buy him some time to shut down the drones.
Got it. What kind of
firepower we talking?
Just go along with it.
Take your best shot.
This one sucks.
No, no, no, that's binder bubbles.
Push the button on the back.
Button on the back, button on the back!
Bubbles?
Oh, you gotta let me try that.
That's a collide-oscope.
Throw it.
Splat-a-pult. Prism spray.
Hypno-stars.
Snorepedo. Scream Team.
Well, what have we got to lose?
11 o'clock.
12 o'clock.
Half past 2! 4:30!
Security blanket.
It's upside down.
Unitee: I'm a hugger.
Whoa.
Nice shot.
Thank you?
Walter, gonna need a reload, buddy.
Walter Beckett: Ask and you shall receive.
Killian: Are those pigeons wearing tiny backpacks?
Yay!
Now, that's hot.
That's hot.
I call it Fifty Shades of Yay!
Killian: Oh, come on, now!
You ready to tap out yet?
Gadget lab.
Get to the gadget lab!
Grab every weapon you can!
Stop! Get back!
Oh, no.
Yay!
I'm a hugger.
Walter, my face can't take much more of this.
You keep doing your thing and I'll do mine.
Yeah, well, your thing seems to be a lot easier than my thing.
We have different skillsets.
That's what makes us such a great team.
Dude.
- Excuse me.
- Ugh.
Whoo.
Why do I smell lavender?
We just got spritzed.
Uh-oh. Truth serum.
I have five cats, each named after a member of New Kids on the Block.
Oh, I love New Kids.
Jon, Joey, Jordan, Donnie, and Danny.
I really wanna hurt you right now.
You.
What...
What are you doing?
I'm not telling you anything.
I'll tell you what he's doing.
He's gonna hack
into your claw and shut down your drones.
Wow, this stuff really works.
No, no, no.
No!
- Whoa!
- I'm coming, Walter.
Almost there. Don't let go.
Please don't let go.
Walter!
Walter.
Come on, come on.
Somebody do something.
Killian: If you shut 'em down now, you'll kill us both. And you're no killer.
Walter Beckett: No. I'm a hugger.
Killian: What?
One day, your gadgets are gonna keep the world safe.
- Yes!
- Yes!
Never wash that hand again!
I got you, Walter!
Lance? What are you...
It's okay.
It's okay.
You can't do this alone.
I am not alone!
Lovey?
Come on, birds!
Fly!
Walter.
Walter.
What does internal bleeding feel like?
This.
It feels like this.
Oh, come here.
No, no, no. No hugs.
You gonna make me lay an egg or something in front of Marcy.
Ears: Huh?
Eyes: He saved him.
I think I need a vet.
Walter Beckett: Once I can move again, I'll turn you back into a man.
Sterling. You're a bird?
Uh, hey, Marcy.
Marcy Kappel: That's why I couldn't find you! (laughs) Whoa, you're a bird. That is messed up.
Lance Sterling: It's weird, right?
Walter Beckett: This is amazing. We did it. We took down the drones, beat the bad guy, saved countless lives. We are so gonna get our jobs back!
[Cut to them in Washington D.C., holding cardboard boxes of their stuff.]
Walter Beckett: So, triple fired.
Lance Sterling: Yeah, man, that's gotta be some kind of record.
Walter Beckett: I really didn't see that coming.
Lance Sterling: Well, we did break a bunch of laws, and defied orders... and, I mean, committed a little bit of treason.
Walter Beckett: Oh, right, yeah, the treason. Forgot about the treason.
Lance Sterling: Hey. It doesn't matter, man. Look around. Your mother would be so proud of you right now. You kept all those people safe. And you did it your way. But you also did this.
Walter Beckett: Yeah. I'll figure that out. Sorry.
Lance Sterling: You know, this gluten-free stuff is really starting to grow on me.
Walter Beckett: So, what do we do now?
Lance Sterling: Oh, we could...
Huh?
Marcy?
Okay,
I can't see or hear... but my other senses are elevated, so you... Ow!
Agent Sterling, I apologize for the theatrics.
Lance Sterling: No, you don't.
You should have seen your face when we grabbed you.
Lance Sterling: I didn't make a face.
No one's ever looked more scared.
Are you two finished?
We are gonna be okay, Lance!
Use your baby hand to pick the lock!
Can you please take that off him?
Okay, and you can...
Oh, hey. Hey, guys.
Is this about the treason?
Lance Sterling: Joy, what is going on?
We realize we were wrong about you.
You're the future of this agency, and we want you to lead a new team.
A highly covert global...
Lance Sterling: Let me stop you right there. I'm not leading nothing, unless my man Walter's on the team.
Um... I think she's talking to Walter.
Lance Sterling: Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we...
- Just put that down.
Lance Sterling: Sometimes, he talks for me, I'll talk for him, 'cause we a team.
Walter Beckett: Me?
Joy Jenkins: We need people like you. People who can help the Agency do things a new way. What do you say?
Lance Sterling: Looks like we gonna need some glitter.
Walter Beckett: Team Weird?
Lance Sterling: Team Weird.
System Voice: Missile deactivated.
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