Krusty Airlines/transcript

This article is a transcript of the episode "Krusty Airlines" from season one hundred and four, which aired on October 14, 2163.
Outside of the Krusty Krab. Cut to inside.
Fred walks up to the counter.
SQUIDWARD: You again? Lemme guess, a Double Krabby Patty with kelp fries and-
FRED: Hey, how'd you know?
SQUIDWARD: I've seen you a trillion times ever since I began working here. How can I never forget your orders?
SpongeBob pokes out of the order window and passes the food to Squidward, who passes it to Fred.
FRED: Makes sense. That was fast too!
Fred walks away. Harold walks in too.
HAROLD: Hey, where's that squid guy?
He hears Squidward shouting "MR. KRABS!" in his office.
HAROLD: Geez. Never knew he hated me!
Harold walks out of the Krusty Krab. Cut to Mr. Krabs's office.
SQUIDWARD: Mr. Krabs, I've had enough of seeing all these dumb blue & brown & whatever fish every day! They're making my job more boring than it already is right now! And SpongeBob is-
SPONGEBOB: (from side) Bahahahahaha! Oh, you're a tough one to grill, aren't you?
SQUIDWARD: I'm sure it's already pretty obvious.
MR. KRABS: So let me get this straight. You don't want Bikini Bottomites coming into the Krusty Krab, but other fish instead? Do you seriously think I can create new fish from thin air? *turns body away* No way, Mr. Squidward!
SQUIDWARD: Well, I-I meant like, an airline or a-
Mr. Krabs turns his body around, his mouth a cash register and his pupils dollar signs.
MR. KRABS: Did you just say airline?
SQUIDWARD: Well, yeah, are you interested or what?
SPONGEBOB: *bursts through wall* Airline?!?
MR. KRABS: Fantastic idea, Mr. Squidward! I've seen airline tickets go for 500, maybe 600 dollars or more... and that's just for economy class! How about 20000 dollars for first class?
SPONGEBOB: But I don't think anyone's that rich enough, Mr. Krabs.
MR. KRABS: *thinks for a bit* Good point. Let's do 5000 dollars instead, and... make every seat economy class, but have it advertised as first class instead! We can fit in more people that way!
SQUIDWARD: How interesting. But how are you gonna get a plane?
MR. KRABS: That's easy. Just follow me!
Bubble transition. Cut to Mr. Krabs, Squidward and SpongeBob outside one of Bikini Bottom Airport's hangars. Inside it is an unused plane.
SPONGEBOB: Mr. Krabs, I don't think stealing is right, especially with such a big thing.
MR. KRABS: Nonsense, boyo! This plane is brand new and unused, and I'm just going to simply "exaggerate" it! Remember?
SPONGEBOB: That was like, a few years ago, but okay.
Squidward is on a ground vehicle, towing the plane out of the hangar.
MR. KRABS: (with paint tools) Now, SpongeBob, I need your help to paint this Krusty Krab-themed!
SPONGEBOB: On it, Krabs!
Time card: Brief painting montage
FRENCH NARRATOR: You will now see SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs paint the plane, albeit very horribly.
Montage of SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs painting the plane.
Time card: End of montage
FRENCH NARRATOR: We hope you enjoyed this painting montage.
The plane is very poorly painted, but Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob are proud of their work.
MR. KRABS: Quite impressive, isn't it? Now let's get flying!
SPONGEBOB: Hold it, Krabs! We can't let our passengers pay 5000 dollars for standing, can we? We need to at least let them sit!
SQUIDWARD: And what about me? I'm covered in paint from your horrendous work!
MR. KRABS: Shut up, Mr. Squidward! (to SpongeBob) Okay, but only the cheapest chairs will do.
Time card: Brief furnishing montage
FRENCH NARRATOR: You will now see SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs furnish the plane with "cheap" chairs.
Montage of SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs putting chairs in the cabin.
Time card: End of montage
FRENCH NARRATOR: We hope you enjoyed this furnishing montage.
SQUIDWARD: *inside plane, looking at seats* Eugh, you call this first class? I'd rather sit on a dumpster than this *close-up* tattered, broken chair with springs sticking out of it!
The plane begins to move, causing Squidward to fall the floor.
MR. KRABS: Sit down, Squidward! We're moving to the gate right now!
SPONGEBOB: *in cockpit* Hey, Mr. Krabs, who's gonna be the flight attendants?
MR. KRABS: You and Squidward, of course!
SPONGEBOB: Woo hoo! Can't wait to serve people Krabby Patties on flights... with a smile! *SpongeBob smiles.*
MR. KRABS: Do you think we have a kitchen on board? No, we don't! For now, you'll just serve them this. *Close-up of ketchup and mustard packets.*
SpongeBob moans disappointedly.
MR. KRABS: Alright, we're at the gate, now let's just wait for passengers!
Cut to inside of Bikini Bottom Airport.
ANNOUNCEMENT SPEAKERS: Attention passengers, Krusty Airlines Flight 164 is now boarding, bound for the Krusty Krab.
FISH: *to another fish* Hey, I heard that Krusty Airlines is selling first class tickets for 5000 dollars. What a bargain!
OTHER FISH: But I don't trust that horrendous livery.
FISH: Hey, who cares, at least we get an apartment for a crazy price!
OTHER FISH: Good point. Let's buy tickets!
ANOTHER FISH: Yeah!
Everyone boards the plane very quickly.
ANNOUNCEMENT SPEAKERS: Nevermind, the flight is full.
PATRICK: *with full belly and stained mouth* Aw. I wanted to eat planes made out of Krabby Patties! *takes another bite out of ice cream*
Cut to inside of plane.
FISH: THIS is first class?!? These seats are barely as good as having rotten wood for a meal! Who owns this airline?!
Mr. Krabs walks out of the cockpit and into the cabin.
MR. KRABS: Me, of course!  I just wanted to-
EVERYONE: Not another word! Let's get outta here! Yeah!
MR. KRABS: Sorry, doors are closed, too late.
Everyone groans. Mr. Krabs walks back into the cockpit.
MR. KRABS: That was a close one, wasn't it, boyo?
SPONGEBOB: Sure was, Captain! Let's get flying.
SpongeBob starts up the engines and begins pushback.
SPONGEBOB: *through loudspeaker* Hello everyone on this flight to the Krusty Krab, I'm your co-pilot SpongeBob SquarePants...
MR. KRABS: *through loudspeaker* And I'm Mr. Krabs!
FISH: Hey, SpongeBob's flying this plane? Nice, never knew he was a FLY cook!
No one laughs.
FISH: Aw.
SPONGEBOB: Now, please pay attention to the safety demonstration by one of our lovely crew members!
The camera focuses on Squidward.
SQUIDWARD: *to self* Lovely?! Eugh. Whatever. *to passengers* To fasten your seatbelt, just pull on this thing...
FISH: Hey, octopus, your wrinkles do look lovely indeed!
Everyone laughs this time.
SQUIDWARD: *to self* Boy, do I hate my job.
The plane suddenly starts to move, causing Squidward to fall onto the ground. Cut to the cockpit.
SPONGEBOB: And... liftoff!
MR. KRABS: Hey, SpongeBob me boy, are you sure you know how to fly this thing?
SpongeBob answers impulsively.
SPONGEBOB: Of course! Wait... I mean... uhhh... do YOU know how to fly, Mr. Krabs?
MR. KRABS: That's why I asked YOU!
SPONGEBOB: And that's why I asked YOU! And since nobody here knows how to fly...
Cut to the outside, where the plane is shown flying upside down. Cut back inside, where everyone falls onto the ceiling.
SQUIDWARD: Ow! Oh, I swear, if I get hurt again on this flight...
The plane banks left, causing everyone to fall left. The plane banks right, then down, then up, then does a loop-dee-loop, and then a barrel roll and somersaults before finally flying level. Cut to inside, where baggage is spilled, and everyone is covered with many different things (clothes, toothpaste, trophies). Cut to Squidward, where he moans whilst covered in bruises, stitches and bandages. Cut to the cockpit, where Mr. Krabs is patting SpongeBob on the back.
MR. KRABS: Nicely done, SpongeBob!
SPONGEBOB: Thanks, Captain! Should we serve the food now?
MR. KRABS: Sure. I don't think they'll vomit over a few condiment packets, will they?
SpongeBob gets up from the cockpit and walks into the cabin.
SPONGEBOB: Attention, please! The food will be served, and don't worry, it won't make you vomit!
FISH: Great! I was hungry too.
SpongeBob hands the fish ketchup and mustard packets.
FISH: ...and it won't make me vomit indeed.
SpongeBob notices Squidward in the back, feeling upset.
SPONGEBOB: Hey, Squidward, you okay? Why aren't you serving people?
SQUIDWARD: I hate my new job already.
SPONGEBOB: Don't worry! I can make a Krabby Patty for you, but only one. Want it?
SQUIDWARD: Suuuuure. At least it's better than some stupid mayo or whatever packets.
SpongeBob reaches into one of his holes and grabs a Krabby Patty. A fish turns around and notices.
FISH: Hey, look, the sponge has a Krabby Patty! Let's eat!
EVERYONE: Woohoo! Yeah!
Everyone ambushes SpongeBob and Squidward, but Mr. Krabs has no idea what's going on.
MR. KRABS: Geez, why are they so crazy over a few condiments?
After a while, the fight settles, with everyone chomping a patty in their mouth and SpongeBob and Squidward are left injured.
SQUIDWARD: SpongeBob... why don't you tell Mr. Krabs to land this plane now?
SPONGEBOB: I can't, otherwise how will our passengers get to the Krusty Krab?
FISH: Honestly, I want this plane landed right now! What terrible seats and service!
Squidward notices this.
SQUIDWARD: See, I'm not the only one.
SpongeBob walks back into the cockpit.
SPONGEBOB: Mr. Krabs, how much longer until we get to the Krusty Krab?
MR. KRABS: *looks at map* Hmm... about 8 more hours.
SPONGEBOB: What?!? How slow is this plane flying?
MR. KRABS: 265 knots... and we usually fly at around twice that speed... wait, that means:
An alarm sounds out in the cockpit, saying "ENGINE FAILURE" repeatedly. Cut to outside, where the left engine is on fire. Cut back inside to the cockpit.
SPONGEBOB: AHHHHHHH! We're gonna crash, we're gonna crash, we're gonna crash, we're gonna crash! AHHHHHH!!!!
MR. KRABS: Pipe down, SpongeBob! At least we're still flying, right?
SPONGEBOB: Oh yeah. Hopefully the passengers are all right.
Cut back to the cabin, where everyone is back to normal. The camera focuses on a fish sitting next to the window. The fish looks out the window and notices a fire coming out from the left engine.
FISH: *to another fish* Hey, is that normal?
OTHER FISH: Uhh... dunno.
Smoke starts to fill the cabin, causing everyone to cough.
FISH: Get us out of here! Help! Save us! *cough*
SQUIDWARD: Oh, geez, when is this flight gonna land? *cough*
Cut to the cockpit, where SpongeBob notices the passengers' suffering in the cabin.
SPONGEBOB: The smoke must've gotten into the cabin! Let me just fix that...
SpongeBob presses on a button, which causes fans to appear in the cabin and they blow away the smoke into the cockpit. Everyone cheers, except for Squidward, who is indifferent.
SQUIDWARD: *sarcastically* Whoopee.
Cut back to the cockpit, where Mr. Krabs is coughing and wheezing.
MR. KRABS: Sponge... *cough* Bob... *cough* What are you doing?!? *cough*
SPONGEBOB: Don't worry, Mr. Krabs, I've got this covered!
SpongeBob presses on another button, causing a cockpit window to be opened, and fans in the cockpit blow away the smoke. However, the wind is pressing Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob against their seats.
MR. KRABS: This is even worse! Rectify this right now!
SPONGEBOB: On it!
SpongeBob struggles to press a button, and then succeeds, closing the cockpit window.
MR. KRABS: Whew. But why were we going so fast just now?
SPONGEBOB: The engine probably got fixed or something.
MR. KRABS: Well, I don't think we should be travelling at 700 knots! *points at primary flight display*
SPONGEBOB: Huh? *looks through the windows* OH MY GOSH! WE'RE GONNNA HIT THE GROUND! AHHHHHHH!!!!
SpongeBob immediately pulls back on the yoke. Cut to the outside, where the plane is slowly pulling up, and the flight gains altitude just as an engine scrapes the ground. This somehow fixes the fire in the left engine.
SPONGEBOB: That was real close. Hopefully nothing else happens during this flight! I've had enough.
Squidward hears this.
SQUIDWARD: For once, I agree with you!
Time card: 3 hours later...
Cut to inside of the cabin, where everyone is asleep. Cut back to the cockpit, where SpongeBob is adjusting a loudspeaker for an announcement. However, a loud screech is caused, startling everyone in the cabin.
EVERYONE: Help! We crashed! Dear Neptune! What was that?
SPONGEBOB: *through loudspeaker* That was the speaker, no need to worry! Just a heads up that we'll be landing soon, in a few minutes or so. Remember to buckle your seatbelts!
SQUIDWARD: Finally! *to self* Hopefully we crash into the Krusty Krab, so I don't have to work there anymore...
SPONGEBOB: Alright, Mr. Krabs, landing gear down.
MR. KRABS: Sure thing, boyo.
Mr. Krabs presses on a button, which actually turns off the engines.
SPONGEBOB: Uhh, did you press the right button? Why is it suddenly so quiet, and why are we losing speed again?
Another alarm sounds off in the cockpit, saying "ENGINES OFF" repeatedly.
SPONGEBOB: *to self* Oh dear. *to Mr. Krabs* Don't worry, Mr. Krabs, I'll try to fix this!
SpongeBob frantically reaches for buttons on the top of the cockpit whilst the plane loses altitude.
SPONGEBOB: Oh... why are there so many buttons?
In this process, SpongeBob accidentally kicks a button on the dashboard, causing both engines to start up again.
MR. KRABS: Hey, nice job, SpongeBob!
SPONGEBOB: Wow. I didn't even press any buttons. I must be a psychic!
MR. KRABS: All right. Time to press the actual "gear down" button now.
Mr. Krabs presses on a button which has the words "LANDING GEAR UP/DOWN" on a sign above it, with a really big font. Cut to the cabin, where the camera focuses on Squidward.
SQUIDWARD: Not sure if this is even a flight or a roller coaster ride anymore.
Cut back to the cockpit.
SPONGEBOB: Wait... how do we land if there's no runway? The road between the Chum Bucket and your restaurant is too narrow, Mr. Krabs! And I don't want this plane to crash into the sand.
MR. KRABS: Easy. Just fly right into the Chum Bucket!
SPONGEBOB: But... b-but... but... b-but.. b-
MR. KRABS: I don't care! We need to put Plankton out of business!
SPONGEBOB: That's not nice, Captain! You can't control me!
SpongeBob puts his hands over his yoke and steers away from the Chum Bucket.
SPONGEBOB: Even if our plane breaks apart in the sand, two less people are going to die!
MR. KRABS: Oh, no, you aren't!
Mr. Krabs grabs on his yoke and turns it to the right as hard as he can.
MR. KRABS: Must... get rid of... Plankton!
SPONGEBOB: We're flying level away from the restaurants... let's make this landing smooth!
SpongeBob pulls back on his yoke slightly. Mr. Krabs looks to his left and sees SpongeBob pulling to the left, not helping him.
MR. KRABS: SpongeBob, what are you doing?!?
Cut to the outside, where the camera focuses on the plane's landing gear. The plane touches down very smoothly.
FISH: Hey, why are we flying so close to the ground? *looks out of window* The Krusty Krab's right over there, why aren't we closer to it?
SPONGEBOB: *through loudspeaker* Attention passengers, we have just landed. Now if you're wondering why we're so far away from the Krusty Krab; it's just some flight issues. We'll be going to it real quick!
FISH: Wait. We landed?
SPONGEBOB: *through loudspeaker* Anyways, please don't unbu- *static*
ANOTHER FISH: Did the pilot just die? Eh, whatever, we're not in the air.
Cut back to the cockpit, where SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs are fighting.
MR. KRABS: *grabs SpongeBob's body* Why, you... I told you to crash into the Chum Bucket, but you didn't!
SPONGEBOB: But Mr. Krabs... *tries to steer plane to the Krusty Krab* We would all die! And Krusty Airlines would go out of business since you wouldn't be here anymore!
MR. KRABS: *gasp* Then, that means... my money would all be gone! Oh no! You make a point now, SpongeBob.
SPONGEBOB: And... *stops plane* We're here! *turns engines off* That was a rather eventful flight, wasn't it, Captain?
MR. KRABS: You don't have to state the obvious.
Mr. Krabs opens the cockpit door, where all the passengers suddenly ambush him.
EVERYONE: Give us back our money! What a scam! We deserve a refund!
Everyone jumps down from the doors with a bag of money and walk away, leaving only Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob and Squidward in the plane. Mr. Krabs runs toward the door.
MR. KRABS: No! Come back! This is the thousandth time I've gone broke! Oh, why...
Cut to fish on the ground.
FISH: Actually, I feel a bit hungry. How about we use some of our money to get ourselves a meal at the Krusty Krab?
ANOTHER FISH: Sure!
Mr. Krabs hears this and perks up from his depressed stance.
MR. KRABS: Hey, what's this? I still manage to make some money in the end! *raises arms in air* Woohoo! Looks like Krusty Airlines will still be in business after all! *to SpongeBob and Squidward* Now get to work, you two!
SPONGEBOB: Oh-ho, gladly! *dashes in a pile of smoke to the Krusty Krab*
SQUIDWARD: And I thought two boring jobs were bad enough.