Home-making

Date/Timing: 27 Jun 2011
Setting: Hermann & Edan's flat; Battersea, England, United Kingdom
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Edan, balanced atop the new stepladder and singing "Adventures Close to Home", uses the new screwdriver to attach the new brackets for the new curtain rod to the newly-painted wall of their new fla—/home.
Hermann's wings flutter under his baggy tee-shirt.
"Pass me another of those thingies."
"A screw?"
"Yea, that's what I said."
"No, you didn't." Hermann hands over the fastener.
"Don't be pedantic to a man holding tools."
"It's not as though it's a hammer and you're Thor."
"Quiet, you." Edan grunts as he puts on the final twists. "Why don't you be useful as well as beautiful and unwrap the curtains?"
"I did that while you were putting up the first fitting and, while you were working on the next, threaded them."
"Oh. Thank you." He climbs down, examines Hermann's work. "I thought we were going to put both the net /and the sheer up in here?"
"There's only one rod."
Edan blinks. "You're saying ... you didn't know how to get them both on there?"
Hermann ruffles. "It would look stupid to have a net panel, then a sheer panel."
"But—" Ducks his head, runs his fingers through his hair. "Hermann, /leannan, you line up the loops and thread them on simultaneously."
Hermann ... deflates. "Shit."
"I think you've been staring at a screen instead of three-dimensional space too long."
Hermann lets his wings droop. "I'm a programmer now: it's not like I have much choice."
"I'll have to drag you out to the stars more often, then." Edan smiles, begins stripping the cloth from the pole.
Hermann sighs, starts tugging the other panel loose. "I envy you your astronomy programme."
"Don't get too starry-eyed—"
Hermann snorts.
"—as I'm probably won't be nearly as employable as you. You may have betrothed yourself to a trophy spouse."
"What a handsome trophy you are."
Edan blushes, early season freckles fading. "You finished?"
"Just have."
"Cool. Then we lay the first panel out—" Floats the sheer down to the floor. "—then the second—" Spreads the net over it. "—line up the loops—" Does, then sits. "—and start stringing 'em up." 
As Edan makes slow progress, Hermann repeats his actions with the two remaining bits of cloth.
Dottie clicks across the hardwood, sniffs at the drapes near Edan's hands, tail wagging low.
"What do you think, sugar-loaf? My work up to your standards?"
She steps back, then pushes her head between Edan's arm and his body, looking hopeful.
"I'll spoil you properly in a moment."
She woffles, leans against his side, wagging her back half.
"I really will. Cross my heart."
Dottie wiggles harder.
"I don't think she believes you."
"Kids," sighs Edan.
"My daughter doesn't do that," smugs Hermann.
"You can turn your daughter off when she misbehaves. This one—" Hip bumps Dottie. "—doesn't have a switch."
"I believe I like it better that way."
"Me, too." Edan smooches her head.
"/whuff!"
Edan drops his hands to his lap. "Can you image what it would be like if PAIGE couldn't be switched off? The mayhem an AI with an internet connection and curiosity could get up to?"
Hermann lets his current loop fall. "Edan, that's essentially what PAIGE has been since the winter holidays. I've left her in research mode rather than shutting her down completely."
Edan blinks rapidly.
"What're you thinking?"
"I'm praying to every god I don't believe in she isn't starting her inevitable descent into GLaDOS." Swallows hard. "Right under our noses."
Dottie licks his chin.
"Thanks, sweet-feet."
"I don't think PAIGE is complex enough to develop into anything so sophisticated as to ask for deadly neurotox—"
""I have something for you~!""
Edan shrieks—
Dottie /yeeps, skitters—
—levitates into the stepladder, tangles his feet—
—flees into the hallway.
—and goes down with a horrible clatter.
Silence, except for Edan's heavy breathing.
"Was ... was that PAIGE?"
"Y-yea." Edan sits up. "Ow." Rubs the back of his head. "I, uh, changed her default alert the other day."
Hermann exhales. "It was only a freak of timing then, not a sign of impending sentience. Or malice."
"Don't care. I'm setting it back to something not-terrifying." Fishes in a pocket, extracts his mobile, thumbs aggressively at it.
"You may also wish to turn down the volume."
"Good idea."
Hermann rolls his shoulders, shuffles his wings, picks up threading where he'd left off. "Why did you change it, anyway?"
"I ... well, I wanted to make her sound more human. Done." Puts the mobile away, extracts himself from the ladder, resumes the curtain work.
Hermann schools his face to neutrality, leans into Edan's space. "It's you, isn't it?"
"Wha?"
"/You're why there's going to be an AI uprising in the future. Your desire to make them human will doom us all."
Edan sits straighter, eyes wide. "You're right. I might be the author of the machine apocalypse! You need to /stop me!"
"Oh, I have just the thing for that."
"Oh you do." Edan leans in until their noses touch. "What tricks do you have up your sleeve for me, fiancé?"
"I have an entire bedroom /full of—" Leers.
"Yes?"
"—Swedish flat-pack furniture which needs assembling."
"You should've told me you're a sadist sooner." Helps Hermann to his feet.
"Didn't the ever-present restraints give it away?"
Edan snickers, scans the sofa box. "This'll be a piece of cake." Rubs his hands. "Just call me Edan Thorson."
"I thought the joke behind the monogrammed crockery was that your father's name meant 'Thor's cauldron'."
"Didn't I just say to not be pedantic to the man holding tools?"
"That's a hex key, dear."Category:Ficlet
Category:London (setting)
Category:Hermann
Category:Hermann's POV
Category:Hermann has wings
Category:Hermann is a programmer
Category:Hermann (ficlet)
Category:Edan
Category:Edan (ficlet)
Category:Peridot
Category:Peridot (ficlet)
Category:PAIGE
Category:PAIGE (ficlet)
Category:Ficlets with images
Category:Portal (reference)
Category:Pages with comments
Category:Pages with comment!fics
Category:Celestial Mechanics
2011 06 27