The Madagascar Penguins in a Christmas Caper/Transcript

The 12-minute short begins with the DreamWorks Animation SKG logo as Brain Setzer's version of Jingle Bells starts playing. The word in orange print Madagascar appears onscreen. Then, the word The lands on top of the word and the word Penguins lands on the bottom of the word. Then, four penguins representing (from left to right) Skipper, Private, Kowalski, and Rico who gets out a match and burns the tan line below. The line leads to a green R in A CHRISTMAS CAPER. Just then, the words explode, revealing the Central Park Zoo. The camera zooms into a snowman in the penguins' enclosure. Some text appears on screen saying "Christmas Eve 1800 Hours" (which stands for "Christmas Eve 6:00 PM")
Brian Setzer (Voice-over): (singing) Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Oh, what fun it is to ride in a fifty-seven Chevrolet. Jingle bells, jingle, jingle. Jingle all the way. Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh. Dashing through the snow.
Offscreen Male Chorus: He's dashing!
Brian Setzer (Voice-over): (singing) In a one-horse open sleigh.
Offscreen Male Chorus: He's dashing!
Brian Setzer (Voice-over): (singing) Over them fields we go.
Offscreen Male Chorus: He's dashing!
Brian Setzer (Voice-over): (singing) Laughing all the way.
Offscreen Male Chorus: Now he's laughing!
Brian Setzer (Voice-over): (singing) Bells on bob... [silence] …Making them spirits bright. What fun it is to ride and sing this sleighing song to... [song suddenly ends]
A periscope pops out of a snowman. It shows Mason and Phil building a tower of cans, but Phil knocks it over. Next it shows Alex, Marty, Gloria, and Melman turning on Christmas lights on Melman. Next, it shows Ted lying down on the ground of his habitat, sad. After that, it shows camel and elephant pairs partying, and then returns to Ted who sighs sadly.
Private is operating the periscope, Skipper is at the center, Kowalski is beating down fish, and Rico is standing in front of a huge chunk of ice.
Private: He looks so sad.
Skipper: Rico! I want that tree up to muster.
Rico takes two knives and carves a Christmas tree made of ice sculpture.
Skipper: Check. Kowalski! What's the status on the approved musical selection?
Kowalski: Scheduled to begin... now.
The radio is turned on and music plays.
Skipper: Excelente! Right on track.
Private: Skipper!
Skipper: Figgy pudding at nineteen-hundred [1900] hours, yule log to commence on my mark. Engage!
Kowalski presses a button on a remote and the TV turns on showing a log burning.
Kowalski: Yule log engaged.
Skipper: Check-a-mundo!
Private: Skipper!
Skipper: (Rico is seen outside swimming) Eggnog at twenty-one-hundred [2100] hours, writing our names in the snow at twenty-one-oh-five [2105].
Private: Skipper!
Skipper: What is it, Private?
Private: Ted the polar bear is alone on this holiday, and he seems so sad. Could we bring him a present to cheer him up?
Skipper: Kowalski.
Kowalski: (making calculations on his abacus) Negative, Skipper. (shows four moving fish wrapped up) We have four presents, and there are four of us.
Private: We can go and get him something.
Skipper: Sorry, Private, no can do.
Private: But no one should be sad and alone on Christmas.
Skipper: Exactly. So throw those troubles away and be merry, pronto.
Private: But, Skipper-
Skipper: That's an order, mister. All right boys, stand by for eggnog.
Kowalski: (pounding the fish with a mallet) Aye aye, Skipper.
Rico: (as his face comes up on the screen) EGGNOG!!! Eggnog, eggnog, eggnog, eggnog!!
Skipper: Private?
Private: I'll pass, thank you.
Private sadly walks off, then gets an idea. He gets some money out of Kowalski's Gloria piggy bank and sneaks to the fish plaque while Skipper and Kowalski see how much eggnog Rico can chug at once.
Skipper and Kowalski: Go, go, go, go, go! Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug!
Skipper: Well done, Rico! That guy can really hold his nog.
Private opens the plaque and slides out. The screen fades revealing the penguins' clock. The hands spin super fast until the time reads 9:10pm.
Skipper: Twenty-one-hundred-ten [2110] hours, boys! Engage cranberries!
Rico is playing the "knife game" at the table.
Skipper: Rico! Not at the table. (noticing a problem) Hold on a second. Something's missing.
Kowalski: Cranberries, check! Eggnog, check!
Skipper: Give me a head count.
Kowalski: (doing calculations on his abacus, but some pieces fall out with a slap) We have three heads, sir.
Skipper: WHERE'S THE PRIVATE?!
Kowalski: Unknown, sir! It appears that he's... (shows the eggnog carton with Private's mugshot on it) missing!
Skipper: Missing?! Hoover dam! Wait, there he is! He just went to bed! (removes the blanket to find Private, but it's a bowling pin) What the...?! (starts slapping the bowling pin) What have you done with Private?! Talk, mister!
Kowalski: (noticing the open fish plaque) Skipper! Over here.
Skipper: I'll deal with you later. (slaps the bowling pin one last time)
Kowalski: Oh, no. He must be out there all by himself.
Skipper: He's one of us, men. You all know the Penguin Credo.
Kowalski: Never bathe in hot oil and Bisquick?
Skipper: No!
Rico: (speaks Japanese gibberish)
Skipper: No, that's the Walrus Credo! It's "never swim alone". Private's out there all by himself. And we never leave one of our own.
Rico and Kowalski: Oh, yeah.
Skipper: Now, let's go!
== Scene 2: The Street ==
Private is walking down the sidewalk. He sees a possible present for Ted.
Private: Oh, that's perfect! Just the thing for a sad polar bear.
Skipper, Kowalski and Rico pop up out of the manhole.
Skipper: Kowalski, analysis.
Kowalski: Adrenaline, sweat and sardines. These tracks are fresh, sir.
Skipper: He's close. I can feel it.
The penguins peer around the corner of a building. Using a pair of binoculars, they attempt to get a closer look at Private.
Nana: What kind of cut-rate junk is this? It's lousy workmanship, it's what it is.
Kowalski: Uh-oh. We may have a problem.
Nana: Everywhere I look, junk. These are no good at all! Junk!
Nana rips apart a plush toy. Private attempts to hide.
Skipper: We need to get closer. Ten o'clock men. (penguins follow a line of nuns) Blend, blend, blend!
The penguins are now behind a trash can. They again attempt to get a closer look at Private.
Nana: Ha! So, this is where you're hiding all the good stuff. (she pulls and stretches Private)
Skipper: He's in trouble!
Rico: (coughs up a stick of dynamite and begins to light it) Kaboom, hehe.
Skipper: Stand down, soldier. We're in observation mode.
Nana: Now this is workmanship. So where's the gosh darn squeaker on this thing? It's gotta have a squeaker. (she squeezes Private and he farts) Now that's more like it! Hey, stupid! I want this one. Hey! Where's my change?!
Skipper: Grand Coulee Dam! Private's been captured!
Nana: TAXI!
Skipper: Not on my watch, Blue Hair. Kowalski!
Kowalski grabs a trash can lid. Rico swings a rope and hooks it onto the taxi's back bumper. The taxi drags the trash can lid (with the penguins) down the street.
Pedestrian: Hey! I'm walkin' here!
The taxi stops in front of the hotel. The penguins get off and belly slide, then hide behind a snowman.
Nana: I've got a tip for you--drop dead! (she shuts the door and the taxi drives off)
Doorman: Good evening, ma'am. Merry Christmas to you.
Nana: Buzz off! (she punches him aside and enters the building)
Kowalski: Skipper, how are we going to get inside?
Rico: (grabs stick of dynamite and lights it) Kaboom, kaboom, ahahaha!
Skipper: (puts out the fuse) I've got a better idea.
== Scene 3: Nana's Apartment ==
The penguins, disguised as a snowman, walk up to the attendant. "Jingle Bells" plays instrumentally as they hand him a $20 tip.
Doorman: Oy! Oh, that's gotta hurt. (sees the snowman and takes the money, brief pause, then satisfied) Very generous, sir! (Opens the door) You have a merry Christmas.
Skipper: Hold that elevator!
Private: Skipper!
Skipper: (Gasps.) Private! Step on it, Kowalski!
Nana gets into the elevator. The penguins get to it, but hit the doors. The elevator arrow points to 13th floor, and we cut to the penguins looking around until they see envelopes fall through a mail duct.
Skipper: What comes down, must go up.
Kowalski: Skipper. (he has dragged out a shop vacuum from the closet)
Skipper: All right, men! Commence Operation Special Delivery.
Kowalski plugs in the vacuum and Rico turns it on in reverse. The penguins put on postage stamps and hop into the vacuum and ride up the mail duct to the top floor just as Nana is entering her apartment and locks the door.
Skipper: Shiitake mushrooms! No more Mister Cute and Cuddly.
Rico: (gets out the stick of dynamite) Kaboom! kaboom! KABOOM! AHHH...!
Skipper: Rico! Enough with the dynamite already! (Rico groans.)
Nana: Why does Christmas have to be every year? What a pain in the... (Cuts the ribbon with scissors) The tape, it's so sticky! (Slaps a sticker on Private saying "To: Mr. Chew From: Mommy") There we go! Oh, you make a nice Christmas present for my Mr. Chew. (Her dog, Mr. Chew barks happily as he hops) Oh, now, Mr. Chew. You have to wait until morning to open your present. Yes, you do. Who is mommy's big boy? Who is he?
Mr. Chew smiles at Nana for a while, then goes nuts and angry, tearing up an Alex plushie toy. As soon as he's done with that, he flies through the air to get to Private.
Private: Nice doggie, good doggie! Now, good boy! Down! Down! Don't eat me, now, good boy! Leave me alone! Don't eat me!! AAHHH!!!
Private screams as the penguins swing and crash through a window.
Skipper: Santa Claus has come to town!
Private: Oh, Skipper!
Mr. Chew yanks down the stocking, sending Private flying and yelling. He gets caught on the top of the star from the Christmas tree.
Private: Help me, guys!
Skipper: Kowalski, secure the Private!
Kowalski: I'm on it.
Skipper: Quadruped, canine, 2 o' clock!
Kowalski: I'm going to need some cover fire.
Skipper: Rico!
Rico steps on a candy bowl and swallows the peppermint candy. Skipper uses Rico like a gun, shooting out peppermint at Mr. Chew.
Skipper: Kowalski, status!
Kowalski (While climbing): I'm almost there, Skipper.
The peppermint gun runs out of ammo. Mr. Chew angrily runs back toward Skipper and Rico, who throw themselves on the tree. Mr. Chew grabs the lights to try to pull the tree down.
Skipper: Let him have it, Rico. (throws ornaments at an angry Mr. Chew)
Mr. Chew lets go of the lights, sending Private flying into the kitchen. Private flies over Nana and the TV, yelling again.
Football Announcer on TV: Ryan takes the snap. He drops back into the pocket. (Just as Private crashes into the kitchen) Oh! What a hit! Ryan is down!
The penguins wince and Private walks out of the kitchen with a turkey on himself.
Skipper: Holy butterball!
Football Announcer on TV: There's a loose ball on the field!
Private: NO!! No! Don't eat me!
Skipper: Kowalski, give me options.
Mr. Chew angrily continues chasing Private, who continues yelling.
Kowalski: (Draws his idea on a pad of paper with crayon and shows Skipper) Skipper.
Skipper: Excelente! Engage Operation Stocking Stuffer.
Skipper slides down the ribbon with a candy cane. He drops to the floor and whistles to get Mr. Chew's attention. Skipper uses the candy cane to hop in the air, licks the candy cane and sticks it onto Mr. Chew's collar. Mr. Chew angrily runs into a ribbon held tight by Rico and Kowalski. He goes flying, hits the Christmas tree and is catapulted into his own stocking. Rico hops on his head.
Football Announcer on TV: At the 5, Gets into the end zone all by himself! Ryan drops back and fires a Hail Mary downfield! (As soon as Mr. Chew hits the wall and lands in the stocking, the crowd on the TV cheers) Oh, he scores! Rigby! Oh, what a play!
Skipper: High five, low five, down low, too slow! I think our work here is done.
Rico is about to drop an anvil on Nana.
Skipper: Rico! She didn't see anything. (Rico puts the anvil down and the anvil falls on the floor instead)
Football Announcer on TV: And that's the game, ladies and gentlemen...
Skipper: Let's blow this Popsicle stand, boys!
Rico: Kaboom?
Skipper: Yes, Rico, kaboom.
The door is blown up, and falls down. The penguins slide out.
Skipper: C'mon, boys.
Nana: (shrieks as she sees the mess) What is all this?! Mr. Chew, this is all your fault! Bad dog! (the Christmas tree falls over) You are on a big time out!!
== Scene 4: Back at the Penguin Habitat ==
The penguins are walking back to the zoo.
Private: Thanks for rescuing me, Skipper.
Skipper: Think nothing of it, Young Private. It's the least we can do. You remember the Penguin Credo.
Private: What does deep-frying in Bisquick have to do with any of this?
Skipper: Not that one, the other one! Never swim alone! ALONE!! On Christmas! Don't you get it?! Come on, people, do I have to explain this to everybody? (Rico nods)
Private: Poor Ted. He's all alone on Christmas, with no one to swim with.
Skipper: It's not too late, young Private. I've got a new plan to fit him in.
The camera fades back to the surface of the Penguins' habitat. The chorus is heard singing along to "Deck the Halls".
Chorus: (Singing) Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!
We cut to inside the habitat with Ted and the penguins with Santa hats in their heads and cups in their paws and flippers.
Ted: You guys! Seriously, this is the best Christmas I've ever had!
Skipper: Well, there it is then. Merry Christmas for everyone! (the doorbell rings) What the...? Who could that be?
Ted: Oh, I hope you don't mind. I invited a few friends over.
Skipper: WHAT?!?!?!
Zoo Animals and the Penguins: (singing) Jingle Bells, monkey smells/Melman laid an egg/Marty thinks that Alex stinks/And the camels say "Oy Vey"!
Category:DreamWorks Animation Transcripts
Category:Madagascar Transcripts
Category:Animated Transcripts
Category:Christmas transcripts
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