145593-question-for-social-phobic-introverted-players

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Social phobic introverted players, how have you or what's the best way to make friends, neighbors or even join a guild? I'm, uh, asking for a friend. 
 
See, my friend isn't in a guild, and when they meet players who seem nice they're too shy to invite them as a friend. My friend hasn't even done the Shade's Eve instance yet because the idea of joining a group feels super stressful and awkward... or so I'm told. 
 
My friend did have friends and a guild back in WoW, but that's because the guild was formed by my real life friends-- my friend's real life friends, I mean! We have the same friends. But in WildStar they don't actually know anyone and it's hard. They're pretty happy working on housing or solo questing, but sometimes it would be nice to have someone to talk to, other than me, I mean, or housing chat. 
 
Anyway, any advice I can pass along to my friend. 	
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Anyway, any advice I can pass along to my friend. 
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			Well, unfortunately the big flagship content in Wildstar requires an active guild and a raid schedule, so unless you, I mean, your friend, can pull together 19 other like minded folks you might just be stuck doing solo stuff like housing and expeditions and...discoveries? I guess? Not sure how appealing that is to you but there you have it.	
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In all fairness, tell your friend that he/she is not alone in this. We are all pretty much on the same boat.
 
There is no magic button to open up to people you've never met (and probably never meet) in your life, but we are all playing the same game so there must be things that we share that guided us all here.
 
It is a hard thing to open up, and an even harder one to let people in. I myself have not yet joined a guild yet, but there are a lot of people playing that are more than willing to have a chat, help out and simply share in the same glorious mess that is WS.
 
Tell your friend to grit his/her teeth and not be terrified to speak. Yes, the internet is a big and scary place, but at the same time there is only so much you can do alone.	
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			As an avid misanthrope I am hardpressed to answer your actual question.But just wanted to say that you can do.. I mean your friend can do the event instance solo.	
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Step 1. Stop passing off problems to an invisible friend (or having a friend ask for you).Step 2. Take a deep breath, and join a random (or send a whisper to join a group seeking more).Step 3. Say hello. If they are chatty, find a way to get involved with the conversation.
Step 4. Do not push yourself. If you get over stressed, take a break and do something that calms you.A lot of it is honestly going to have to start with overcoming being shy, even if only for a few moments. If a group is quite, don't stress it. If a group is chatty, just speak up. If someone is talking about something you enjoy (in open world, party, etc) you might send them a tell to further the conversation in private if you are afraid to speak publicly. (People have done that with me, and I have done that as well.) If you hit it off with someone, just ask if they want to be friends. (Or you can just send an invite I suppose.)I started playing tanks/healers in another MMO to try and overcome my fear and shyness. It worked somewhat. I sometimes fear going into a new instance if I am not overgeared for it due to the mentality of players who want to rush, rush, rush(!) through content.	
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Well, unfortunately the big flagship content in Wildstar requires an active guild and a raid/bg/arena schedule, so unless you, I mean, your friend, can pull together 19/10/(1-5) other like minded folks you might just be stuck doing solo stuff like housing and expeditions and...discoveries? I guess? Not sure how appealing that is to you but there you have it.
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Well, unfortunately the big flagship content in Wildstar requires an active guild and a raid schedule, so unless you, I mean, your friend, can pull together 19 other like minded folks you might just be stuck doing solo stuff like housing and expeditions and...discoveries? I guess? Not sure how appealing that is to you but there you have it.
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			To answer your question, the best way to do this without putting yourself out there is to just keep an eye on guild advertisements. It may not happen immediately, and probably may even take a while. Your friend can keep a list of which specific guilds are recruiting and who they're looking for. I would avoid any high ranking DataScape "strict" guilds that expect experience (typically they'll include their expectations in their advertisements). A better option would be to join one that is progressing through Genetic Archives or one that only recently got its feet wet in the DataScape, something casual. These guilds are less likely to expect too much out of you and may allow you to speak via chat instead of VOIP (though logging on to listen may still be required). If your friend is too anxious to raid, these guilds are also more likely to lead him through dungeons if gear/performance is a concern/cause of said anxiety.  	
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You can get that with a CREDD tho.
A few friends could just gather a few plat each and buy a credd together. The one redeeming it would be able to form the guild. Wouldn't be hard to keep that strategy every month to renew the guild leader's signature so you could keep it fully functional.
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Social phobic introverted players, how have you or what's the best way to make friends, neighbors or even join a guild? I'm, uh, asking for a friend. 
 
See, my friend isn't in a guild, and when they meet players who seem nice they're too shy to invite them as a friend. My friend hasn't even done the Shade's Eve instance yet because the idea of joining a group feels super stressful and awkward... or so I'm told. 
 
My friend did have friends and a guild back in WoW, but that's because the guild was formed by my real life friends-- my friend's real life friends, I mean! We have the same friends. But in WildStar they don't actually know anyone and it's hard. They're pretty happy working on housing or solo questing, but sometimes it would be nice to have someone to talk to, other than me, I mean, or housing chat. 
 
Anyway, any advice I can pass along to my friend. 
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I don't have advices but I can tell you my experiencie with having anxiety when talking to people (even in the internet). Now usually everyone talk on any program like teamspeak or something like that while playing and boy, for me that's terrible, especially in a game like this when you need to do to coordinate runs on dungeons. So what I did was being open about it, it's hard but when I joined my guild I just said it, specially to guild leader, some people may not understand it at all but I don't need them to, I just need them to respect me and to know that I will listen to them while doing runs but I will probably won't talk to much. My experiencie was and is good, people understood, they don't push me at all and I feel really welcome and comfortable while playing with them and I even talk while doing dungeons. I'm not conected all the time at the guild teamspeak tho, only when doing runs in party.
Other option and what I did in many other games was to always say that I don't have mic, so I said that I could listen but not speak, it works xD
About making friends and joining a guild, most people on here are friendly and there's a lot of guild looking for people in chat, he could try to join one of them and see how it goes. The only way to overcome this is pushing yourself a little bit out of your comfort zone, it's not easy at all but that is how it s	
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Step 1: Join a large guild with regular activities.
Step 2: Show up.
 
That's really about it.	
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Social phobic introverted players, how have you or what's the best way to make friends, neighbors or even join a guild? I'm, uh, asking for a friend. 
 
See, my friend isn't in a guild, and when they meet players who seem nice they're too shy to invite them as a friend. My friend hasn't even done the Shade's Eve instance yet because the idea of joining a group feels super stressful and awkward... or so I'm told. 
 
My friend did have friends and a guild back in WoW, but that's because the guild was formed by my real life friends-- my friend's real life friends, I mean! We have the same friends. But in WildStar they don't actually know anyone and it's hard. They're pretty happy working on housing or solo questing, but sometimes it would be nice to have someone to talk to, other than me, I mean, or housing chat. 
 
Anyway, any advice I can pass along to my friend.
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I've been in your position :)
 
Do you know how I countered it?
 
I made my own guild and found people who suited me and invited them to me. I made good friends and had lots of fun which helped boost my confidence.
 
Having a smaller guild and good officers meant i invited more people and got to know them until I felt comfortable with the game and doing random content with pugs.
 
Get used to speaking on teamspeak, admit you're anxious and have problems. Be honest and people will understand, if they don't they're not worth knowing :)
 
I did this whilst i had agoraphobia, my social phobia was completely off the scale, I almost didn't go outside my own front door for a full year. But during the time making my guild, my friends and things on wildstar. I found a boyfriend, made great friends, I went outside and started doing normal things and I travelled ON MY OWN to a new country all with their encouragement. Unfortunately the relationship didn't last but the friendships and my confidence did. I'm now enrolled in university and I go out once a week!
 
If you're not NA, ask your friend to roll a dommie toon on luminai and add Syl Qt, I'm always happy for new friends :)	
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			I do think the best way to address the problem is to find a guild. Maybe one that's lowkey, but still has a regular raiding schedule. If they have a voice chat, just log into a busy channel and hangout and listen for a while. That can at least give a good idea of what those people are like and might make your friend a bit more comfortable talking with them.	
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Definitely join or start your own guild! I understand social phobia and while I'm often chatty as *cupcake*once people know me, I'm very quiet and reserved when dealing with new people, particularly in a professional setting. Unfortunately, being stuck in single-player content on an mmo isn't the worst side-effect of social-phobia. It can make it hard to network and thus hard to get a job, particularly in a professional market (like for me law). 
 
Let me stress one thing though: THERE ARE NO EASY ANSWERS
 
For your friend: 
 
Socialphobia like any other has to be worked through and the only way to get around it is to start being social. I recommend starting slow and just saying bare minimum stuff in /i chat when doing randoms. Even small talk can lead to getting  a guild invite or friend request if you're merely pleasant. 
 
I also recommend seeing a counselor. This is what I did when I was in law school and it really helped me to improve and at least diminish that initial nervousness when talking to new and unfamiliar people. 
			
				
	Edited October 28, 2015 by MedicMelawen	
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Social phobic introverted players, how have you or what's the best way to make friends, neighbors or even join a guild? I'm, uh, asking for a friend. 
 
See, my friend isn't in a guild, and when they meet players who seem nice they're too shy to invite them as a friend. My friend hasn't even done the Shade's Eve instance yet because the idea of joining a group feels super stressful and awkward... or so I'm told. 
 
My friend did have friends and a guild back in WoW, but that's because the guild was formed by my real life friends-- my friend's real life friends, I mean! We have the same friends. But in WildStar they don't actually know anyone and it's hard. They're pretty happy working on housing or solo questing, but sometimes it would be nice to have someone to talk to, other than me, I mean, or housing chat. 
 
Anyway, any advice I can pass along to my friend.
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In this 15 minutes of fame, see me, see me, see what I'm doing on Snapchat, Twitter and what have you, I actually value being introvert.
 
I am super introvert, but I can, as most introverts, be very social, in burst, when I choose to. Best thing is just relax, if you meet someone nice,
say hello and take it from there. If you don't like to share private info of any kind, then instead talk about the game, movies, music, anything really.
There is no rule that says we all have to fit the same mold or play/ interact with other people in the same way or with same frequency.
			
				
	Edited October 28, 2015 by Ng Mui	
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			As a socially awkward player i can tell you from experience that most people i've met in groups have less social skills than me.	
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I dont know never joined a guild in this game yet.,
 
 
 
in other game it just happens as I play,	
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all of these answers sound really good but to be honest you can overcome anything by just growing a set and realizing nobody cares about you more than they care about themselves, and as such, you're free to be whoever you'd like without worry of what others may think. the truth is, if they don't know you, then they aren't thinking about you.
 
easy, right? ;D	
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all of these answers sound really good but to be honest you can overcome anything by just growing a set and realizing nobody cares about you more than they care about themselves, and as such, you're free to be whoever you'd like without worry of what others may think. the truth is, if they don't know you, then they aren't thinking about you.
 
easy, right? ;D
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Social phobic introverted players, how have you or what's the best way to make friends, neighbors or even join a guild? I'm, uh, asking for a friend. 
 
See, my friend isn't in a guild, and when they meet players who seem nice they're too shy to invite them as a friend. My friend hasn't even done the Shade's Eve instance yet because the idea of joining a group feels super stressful and awkward... or so I'm told. 
 
My friend did have friends and a guild back in WoW, but that's because the guild was formed by my real life friends-- my friend's real life friends, I mean! We have the same friends. But in WildStar they don't actually know anyone and it's hard. They're pretty happy working on housing or solo questing, but sometimes it would be nice to have someone to talk to, other than me, I mean, or housing chat. 
 
Anyway, any advice I can pass along to my friend. 
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all of these answers sound really good but to be honest you can overcome anything by just growing a set and realizing nobody cares about you more than they care about themselves, and as such, you're free to be whoever you'd like without worry of what others may think. the truth is, if they don't know you, then they aren't thinking about you.
 
easy, right? ;D
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It's no different than any other game; You either join a guild or put yourself out there. I've had plenty of chatting through Global chat, zone chat in my Housing plot or through veteran dungeons. 
There isn't really that many games that facilitate social interaction through content. 
 
I wouldn't call myself a "soacial phobic introverted player" entirely. More like introverted in the sense that I don't really feel comfortable putting myself out there, and spending many hours of heavy social interaction can be draining on me. But alas, I wish certain games would cater more to the group oriented player and handicap solo players, but not completely prohibit the solo player experience from happening. MMORPG's shines the best when playing with other players. 
 
Edit: There isn't a secret formula. There are a lot of great tips in this thread, but it's on you alone to make the choice and break the barriers. Trust me, through many years of basically living in happy solitude, I sort of made a move outside my comfort zone and made many more friends than I imagined. Lastly, join global chat on your server! Sometimes we have some good talks (and less good) on Dom Jabbit-EU side. 
			
				
	Edited October 28, 2015 by Razhork	
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Lots of people have responded in some really great ways. I'm not sure I could measure up!
 
I do feel like it's worth pointing out that you don't need a group to do the Shade's Eve instance. :)	
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I had a girl in my guild who i met ingame and we constantly played together and chatted a lot but she always refused to come into TS when i asked her. It didn't help that i told her, that i'm basically the same like her regarding her anxiety and that there are only my dearest friends in the channel. However, one day she asked me if i would take her on a DoA fullrun in hard mode. Ok, now that was a thing, one does not simply walk into DoA. So i told her that she needs to join TS to at least listen to the commands. So she joined us. We completed the run, a lot of fun was had and i was really proud of her that not only she overcame her anxiety, but also that she did a great job on her first DoA run ever despite her arkward feels. And i told her that in the end. And suddenly something happened, i didn't expect: she switched her mic on, said hello to everyone and thanked us for being so kind with her and that she's always super angsty but in the end she felt comfortable.
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You are an awesome person and the next time you're having a bad day, remember that you made an effort to help a stranger for no reason and made their life a little better.
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Kinda embarrassed I even made this thread. While it is all true, it's awkward to read and respond to. Which is odd, since posting on the forums is, for whatever reason, so much easier than interacting with other players "face to face". Makes zero sense, I'll be the first to admit it, but there ya go. I do appreciate all the comments, even the ones that suggest I just grow a set. Because while it's not that easy for someone with real social anxiety issues to just suck it up, forcing some baby steps is rarely a bad thing (except when it is and it's horrible).
 
Anyway, I was able to get into a group and do the Shade's Eve instance today. So that's good. Group didn't really talk much, thankfully. I didn't wipe us, big plus. Group leader even said I did really well for someone new to this. Now, I just need to find a guild that doesn't mind having a mostly quite house builder. Actually, I'm not that quite once I've got to know people. One of the reasons I miss my WoW guild. I'll see about talking you up on that offer, Tex. I do have a Dom alt or two. 
 
Thanks everybody. 	
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			Cool, cool. D&D is over and it's time for bed. I'll have a chance to be on tomorrow evening. Hope to catch ya!	
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I wish you all the luck, it took me quite a while to become confident in wildstar, and I still become anxious in random groups even now!
 
If you ever need to chat feel free to message me, even though we're on different servers it doesn't mean we can't be friends and encourage each other :)	
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Long before Social media existed. .. I am an old fart compared to many of you. I was a young man in college. I had graduated from a tiny high school. And the college I went to.. had no one from my original school. So I was alone. I was completely new to area and knew no one. So after a few days at school I was dorming there. I sat in my room looking at 4 tiny walls. I realized.. if I didn't change I was going to be terribly lonely and my experience in college was going to be horrible. I was going to be depressed. So I decided then and there to change. I didn't join a frat. I didn't join a club. I just decided to be polite and say hello to people as I walked around campus. I would notice someone from a fellow class and wave at them and say good morning. Sometimes this would lead to actual small conversations. These small conversations would ultimately lead to myself getting to learn about more people on campus. Then it began to get easier.. I felt more confident walking up to folks I barely knew and saying hello. I didn't have nerves. I didn't stutter talking to another person. Fast foward  4 months later.. a co-worker visited my campus to find me and suprise me. They didn't know I had gone out with folks to hit a mall. They spent 4 hours exploring the school talking to random people looking for myself. By the time they got directed to my dorm room they were exhausted... and I had returned. Their statement to me was " Oh my god do you know everyone at school? Every person I spoke to said you were into this.. or that and they all said the same thing oh.. he is a nice guy he is usually at the science lab,... art lab, Gym... arcade.. Music lab. You know everyone!!" I laughed. I had changed drastically. 
 
When it comes to mmo's its up to you to change your fear of being social. People can't see you. They can't judge you except for your voice if you do voice chat.. or they only get to know you based your conversations with them. In an mmo you do get some privacy still. So don't be afraid. You can do things in a game like wildstar you can't even imagine in the real world. So embrace that freedom and have fun. There are tons of amazing cool people you will meet in this game that can make you laugh and you will enjoy talking to. IF only you give yourself the chance to get to know them. 	
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When I was a youngun I used to have terrible social anxiety. I know most people don't appreciate this advice, or take it as if it were trolling, but really the best way to get over that type of issue, is to just get over. Force yourself into normal social situations that make you uncomfortable, over time they will become increasingly comfortable and when all is said and done you'll be that much better for it. In elementary school I could barely make eye contact with people in conversation and would get sick just thinking of talking in a group. Thankfully, I was forced into those activities anyway... and while it was very hard then, over time it got much, much better. Now not only am I a good public speaker, I've won small 3MT competitions and taken home best paper/ presentation awards at international conferences for my talks. Practice makes better, that goes for these types of things as well as others.
 
No one ever gets to live 100% anxiety free, but if you push yourself, and work hard for it, you might be surprised how much easier handling it can get.
 
My other advice is if you need some good friends to play with take up Tex's offers. Him and the folks he runs with are really quite good people. And once I have the time and means to play (in a month or so) I'm always happy to help folks with events / dailies / rando exploration and sillyness on Entity #1
			
				
	Edited October 29, 2015 by Nazryn	
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Ya know....been kinda of in the same boat myself. I just recently started playing this game again about 4 weeks ago. I had been playing off and on over the last year. I was playing GW2 regularly with friends, but I am the only one in Wildstar so I have kinda been the lone drifter lol....
 
I have like....literally 4 toons, 3 exile slingers of various level 15-18.....and one Dominion tank level 14....and due to changes in my other game (which I was on a long break from) I came back here and have started to get into it. I have never ran a dungeon or any group content and I am not normally one to just start a conversation. That said since I came back I jumped into Shade's Eve and had trouble with the Expedition (I suck lol).....so I just asked in zone for a group....found some people and powered through it. It was a ton of fun. The next night I did the same. Ran it 3 times with a group, just worked up the nerve to ask. The 3rd group was even better because one player was a level 50 and actually gave tips etc etc to everyone. To make it even better, I surprised myself and didn't do as bad as I thought I would. Now I am able to solo the instance and each time through I can see the improvement.
 
My intentions are to try and be more social going forward, the biggest problem for me aside from the shy aspect is that I have fun playing....and it makes it hard to focus on the chat log when you are running around killing furry hamsters....and....I am hearing impaired which makes TS and such sometimes not a great option lol....
 
I'd consider Tex's offer but....errrm he switched to Dominion....and even though I have a Dominion alt.....I am kinda loving my Slinger....
 
D&D.......off-topic, but last week I ran a "Halloweeny" D&D session....complete with a poltergeist theme.....nothing pleases a DM more than smushing a paladin with a large evil tree....	
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"Lana Kaine" 
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I found my social side just by chatting. Like instead of questing or whatever, I'd participate in global/zone/whatever. From there, I managed to make a friend and find a guild. As mentioned already, Housing chat is one of the best places to start. I talked about wanting to build a graveyard from scratch and I got a bunch of decor. Didn't even ask for it!
 
Since you already like housing, getting active in that chat should be easy. Once you find other housing enthusiasts you click with, ask them about joining a guild or circle. Housing circles are totally a thing if you're not quite ready for a guild. And pretty much all guilds have a few hardcore builders.	
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Kinda embarrassed I even made this thread.
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Don't be Atomicpanda!
As you can see, we are many fellow introverts, and in my experience, introverts are some of the nicest, smartest people you will ever meet. Be happy you are one :D	
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			Your friend has issues. I'm an INTP and even I can talk to people. Fear is something you overcome, not surrender to. This is life 101.	
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I believe the main issue for an introvert to find friends from scratch in games is the having to kiss a lot of frogs to get there. It is a daunting thought, let alone getting started on puckering up those lips to do so.
 
 :unsure:
 
While extraverted have no problem with the meet, leave and forget strangers galore in their ingame activities, the introverts normally values a few serious friends and the social activitity needed to find some of those from scratch are just a huge drain on the reserves.
 :wacko:
Getting in contact with numerous people to hit the jack-pot of getting a network that fits the introverts checklist of reasons to be connected, whatever values they look for in a friend and also respects whatever boundaries in the contact there could be just does not come natural to an introvert. And some of those or all three of those requirements are needed for it to be a success.
 :rolleyes:  
It is the number one reason I prefer to join games, where I already have (socially intelligent) friends, who are more outgoing than me and have an easier time to connect - and disconnect - to find a good "home" in the game. I just follow them, act myself - polite, helpful and honorably, researching and reading up on my stuff - and over time I get to know the people in the new "home" besides just my friends and from there it is smooth gliding.
 :D
In Wildstar I am pretty much secluded most of the time. None of my gamer friends play it, so I do not get to meet other people through them. The few who did try ended up on the US region and back then switching region was in no way as easy as today - so I quit the game after a couple of months, since the reason I play MMOs are also social, just not 500-facebook-socalled-friends type of social. 
 :mellow:
I thought, I would try again. With Wildstar, I mean. My main objective was to find a couple of circles with objectives fitting my own playstyle and through there perhaps get to know a number of people well enough to call friends. When I do use the public chats, it is because I am looking for information and hoping that someone will get a light bulb over their head on the topic for a more serious dialogue - so far the results have been dissappointing though.
 
However finding out what active circles Wildstar have going, -- still -- requires extraverted skills. There is no phone book for it - no register of circles to contemplate in my own time and space. To find circles, the requirement is being online in chat looking for the right type of spam, ehhh, I mean social chit chat giving information about the type of frogs, ahem, I mean circles, that I am looking for - and there is no guarantee that it is the best circle for my purpose, since there is no way to compare alike circles, you know, that registry of available circles one can ponder, contemplate and decide about in silence.
 :angry:
Hence my signature. Looking for people on Jabbit to test the addon out.
Introverted extra welcome to give me some on-topic feedback while testing.
 :ph34r:	
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Great post SiegaPlays, it pretty much nails the introvert problems in online games. :)
 
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However finding out what active circles Wildstar have going, -- still -- requires extraverted skills. There is no phone book for it - no register of circles to contemplate in my own time and space.
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Umm, what about creating a circle (or even a guild) exclusively for introverted players? I think it would at least lower the hurdle to get in touch, since one would join a group of like-minded people who have this anexiety in common. It'd be even cooler if there was a sticky post on this subforum, which announces such special circles - like a phone book, like you said.
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			While I think is great that everyone is helping and giving advice I would like to point out that it's not the same being shy or introvert or have some anxiety (everyone have anxiety at some point for whatever reason) as having an anxiety disorder. Just wanted to point that out cause sometimes I think that we take importance out of the situation in which a person with an anxienty disorder is in. Anyhow I think this thread is great	
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			I like this thread. Best of luck, OP! <3	
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I like this thread. Best of luck, OP! <3
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Being on Jabbit I naturally went looking in the realm forum. Someone have taken initiative to make an "offficial" list of circles and updating it in a nice and timely manner. Unfortunately, if we go by the current list, circles as a feature is not much in use at all in Wildstar, unless they are all private and thus have no interest in being listed. Because the list is limited. 
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Great post SiegaPlays, it pretty much nails the introvert problems in online games. :)
 
 
Umm, what about creating a circle (or even a guild) exclusively for introverted players? I think it would at least lower the hurdle to get in touch, since one would join a group of like-minded people who have this anexiety in common. It'd be even cooler if there was a sticky post on this subforum, which announces such special circles - like a phone book, like you said.
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			The most beautiful thing i've seen in days - and it fits this topic so much: https://twitter.com/JeaneanThomas/status/653006726787018752	
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Just give yourself the opportunity to make mistakes, even if others don't. Now, this game's community is apparently not half as bad as some other game I'm not going to mention, so don't worry and start with expeditions (you can do those on your own), then adventures and dungeons. The protogames dungeon is an absolute must if you are learning. Wiping is a thing, it's normal.
 
Just ask questions when you don't get something, and always keep an open mind on improving yourself. Mistakes are there to be made, but if you are too shy to make 'm, you cannot fully learn.	
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