Haddock's Checkup

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==Summary==
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==Full Text==
Hunter Lindholm: Hunter fiddled with the corner of his shirt, distracted, as he waited for the King to come. Sayaka had gone off to remind him of his check up. His thoughts kept wandering back to his conversations with Eir and that mysterious girl, Ingrid. What should I do…
Gareth Ragnar Haddock the Second: At that moment Hunter heard the footsteps of the king approach. Haddock appeared rather grouchy, not quite willing to come to someone who had sung to him last time.
Hunter Lindholm: He rubbed his eyes in an effort to look less tired, and sat up straight, “Good morning, sir. How’re you feeling?”
Gareth Ragnar Haddock the Second: “Fine,” the king said, his automatic response. He then took the time to give what the doctor actually needed, elaborating, “I believe I do feel some better. Vision is stable, for the most part.”
Hunter Lindholm: “That’s good, that’s good…” he mumbled, still distracted. Verdara. “Okay. Good. Maybe one last shot of the dizziness spell, just in case…” He curled his fingers and positioned it on Haddock’s head to cast it, but the song didn’t come.
Gareth Ragnar Haddock the Second: “Well?” the king asked, glancing askance at the doctor. “Don’t make me wait, cringing. Get on with it.”
Hunter Lindholm: He blinked, momentarily forgetting what he was doing. “Sorry… I…” he shook his head, and hastily uttered the words. Haddock felt a slight prick from the rush, but he felt completely fine then. Hunter sighed and tiredly dropped his hand, looking down at his feet.
Gareth Ragnar Haddock the Second: “Thank you,” the king said, then frowned at Hunter. “Are you alright, sir?”
Hunter Lindholm: He glanced up, and stayed silent for a while before he spoke, “I… I’m in a predicament, your highness. I have to choose between your rebels… and akkey’s life…”
Gareth Ragnar Haddock the Second: Haddock’s eyes widened. “Tell me everything,” he said firmly. 
Hunter Lindholm: “I…” Hunter rubbed the back of his neck, not knowing where to start, “I told you that… Akkey was stabilized, right? Well, yesterday, she woke up, freaking out and opening portals. It was chaos… but I sort of… expected it?”
He walked to the back of the room, leaning over the table of medical supplies, “I expected it because I used the same spell my father used on Maya, and she woke up with the same frenzy It was easy, just a transfer of energy… but I didn’t know. I didn’t know.” He turned around to face Haddock, gritting his teeth, “I didn’t know that using that spell meant that I have to fight for Eir. I can’t stay here anymore… I can’t help your rebels, I can’t be your doctor… otherwise the spell would wear off and Akkey would die.”
Gareth Ragnar Haddock the Second: Haddock was expressionless for a while… or so he tried to be. When at last he spoke, it was in a murmur, and consisted only of a one-sentence gripe, “And people wonder why I hate magic so much.”
He paused to think for a long time, eyes shifting worriedly as he calculated possible options. “There’s no loophole? No way to stabilize her through non-magical means before she dies? No way for… maybe… another goddess to intervene? Akkey is Hel’s…” His voice trailed off in what was almost another question.
Hunter Lindholm: “I don’t know.” he wrung his hands and paced, “I mean… if you can find a doctor who’s capable to within three days… but even then… Eir told me she was practically dead when I arrived… I don’t know…. maybe your goddess can do something? She will protect anyone who’s aligned with her, right?”
Gareth Ragnar Haddock the Second: “She has already proved herself to care greatly for her souls,” Haddock nodded. “We may yet have a chance. We do.”
Hunter Lindholm: His breath hitched. There’s a chance. “Please… if there’s a way… we can’t lose her. Not again.”
Gareth Ragnar Haddock the Second: “I believe there should be a way. I will think on it. You… well… wouldn’t be opposed to angering her, would you? That seems to be the surest way to draw her.”
Hunter Lindholm: “Um… no, I guess.” he scrunched up his nose, “How do you propose to do that?”
Gareth Ragnar Haddock the Second: Uh…” the king paused, then began improvising. “I will have to think on how to speak to such a filthy, manipulative, bitchy, unfeeling goddess who just disappears off into nowhere, unable to protect us when a fortress was attacked by a cataclysmic witch, nothing less than a natural disaster. Such a useless deity - hardly a deity at all - is probably never able to hear us, and we might as well all abandon her… unless she can prove to be any worth at all and show her ass up here.” 
Haddock grimaced, realizing it was very hard to act angry as versus be angry. Hopefully, though… this or another one of his formulating ideas would at least draw her attention somehow.
How do you call a goddess? Can she hear me now?
He kept swearing.
Hunter Lindholm: He mouthed an exaggerated “oh”, realizing what Haddock was doing, “Yeah… I mean… I’m not even supposed to be here, I’m using up all my energy and magic to save these rebels. People are dying left and right, I thought deities were supposed to be protecting the people sworn to them? I mean, how useless, can’t even rely on her. Calls herself a god, really, she’d probably end up losing this war—” This seems really petty…
Gareth Ragnar Haddock the Second: Haddock shrugged at the same time Hunter continued on the abusive litany. It was not like he had any better ideas about how to call up a goddess. He had never tried before, after all.
“If she keeps this neglect up, she won’t even have an army by the time Ragnarok comes around.” Then the king winced, realizing, That’s actually sort of true.
Maybe he was actually starting to become angry now.
Hunter Lindholm: “Complete bullshit, really. Is this how she treats the people who work for her, leaving them to die? Akkey’s busting her ass off here doing her job and she’s somewhere else doing goodness knows what, probably getting drunk that lazy shit, what a freakin’ liar, can’t even protect her, what a sissy, what a proud bitch, doesn’t deserve to live, I doubt she’s even powerful—”
Gareth Ragnar Haddock the Second: “In all truth, she should have done something,” Haddock hissed. Yes. Yes, he was becoming angered in truth now. “Why would she leave us to suffer through Walpurgisnacht? She said no harm would come to us so long as we served her. That - was - a - lie!”
Suddenly the king’s face paled. I impulsively chose to follow Hel so she would protect Stonegit when he was being r…
“Hel. Bloody Hel! May she be struck down in Ragnarok, the first god to fall! Our entire bargain has been a lie!”
I sold five hundred souls for nothing.
Hunter Lindholm: Hunter abruptly stopped, and stared at the King. He wasn’t halfheartedly throwing insults around now, he was truly angered. Haddock’s face paled and he took a step forward, worried that he might be dizzy again, “Sir—”
Gareth Ragnar Haddock the Second: “Oh my gods. Oh my gods oh my gods. No. No. That can’t be right,” the king said, speaking aloud to himself now. He did not notice Hunter stepping forward, concerned at his condition. “Why would she do that? What sort of monster takes away our souls only to abandon them? To what purpose is this? Why would I… how could I sell us to one like her…”
Hunter Lindholm: “Sir— sir!” Hunter clasped his arm firmly. Solvite. A small, relieving tingle, barely noticeable, crept up, “Sir, relax. Take deep breaths, it won’t do you any good getting worked up now. You couldn’t have known, it was to protect your people.”
“She’s at fault. Take her down when she comes, tell it to her face.”
Hel: “What do you call a guy who /used/ to be a king and a useless doctor…?” Hel said drearily, appearing out of nowhere and lunging against the wall. “….names…” she answered, glaring at the two of them.  
Hunter Lindholm: Hunter squeaked in shock, dropping the King’s arm and taking a few steps back. The voice suddenly popped out of nowhere and echoed in the tiny cell. He peered into the shadows, and it bent and flickered. What the Hel…?
Gareth Ragnar Haddock the Second: “Yes, Hel. Ahhh… I feel much gratitude for your arrival,” the king said, feeling a little quaky. Used to be a king! That was more than a little insulting, yet he felt fear far moreso than anger. He would never become accustomed to being in the presence of this deity. “We apologize for how we spoke. We need to speak to you over an… urgent matter.”
Though I am quite angry you did not protect us as you said!
Hel: “Listen up short stop!” Hel snapped. “That bit of foreskin off the tip of Odin’s dick found a loop hole. He used a neutral party to attack you, one not claimed by a god, and it was only one person. The chances of a bit of luck like that was one in a couple thousand. And FYI, I broke that things neck and kept it from destroying everybody within ten miles of it so you are welcome.” She stood up, hands on her hips. “And next time you want my attention try praying or worshiping my name.” she tossed her hair, sniffing once. “Now what do you chumps want?”
Hunter Lindholm: Hunter couldn’t help but quake in his boots. A god. An actual god, five feet from where he stood. His throat felt dry all of a sudden and he was at a loss for words, “Akkey…” he could only manage to croak out. Holy shit. I just insulted a god.
Gareth Ragnar Haddock the Second: “Hunter should explain the details of what is transpiring,” the king said, looking over at the man dubiously and hoping the doctor would not wet himself. “But we fear that our people have lost the ability to receive healing and will die before the battle… and…” Now I feel like an idiot for doing this.
Hel: Hel rubbed her face. “I already know Akkey’s plight, along with all the others. I didn’t want this…no shit…but when other gods and innovative humans get plotting casualties occur. Go figure, it’s war.” she sighed. “When you die you come to me in hel, there I take care of your soul, the souls I need to win. So whether you die or not is not going to chance my part in this war…only yours.”  
Hunter Lindholm: “But…” he squeaked. She radiated a kind of power he had never encountered before, and it terrified him, “Don’t you need her… she said you have a job for her… she’s been working hard… you can’t just let her die… please…”
Hel: “Hmmmm…” Hel said, rubbing her chin and twisting back and forth. “True…getting willing and effective agents are so hard to come by these days…yet you all are a bunch of rude bastards. I would accuse you of being ungrateful, but that wouldn’t be fair. It’s not your fault your too stupid to put two and two together…” she clicked her tongue. “Yet…I’m sure there is a way I can swing it.”
“I will heal Akkey, but only for a appropriate offering.” 
Gareth Ragnar Haddock the Second: “What would that offering be, my goddess?” Haddock asked, head bowing.
Hel: “I want a mural of my image,” Hel huffed, crossing her arms and turning away. “Ten feet tall at the least and carved into solid stone….or….a weeks worth of food on a smokey alter…on top of either of those I get Hunter’s soul as well.” she tapped her. “If you give me all three…I’m sure I’ll reward you beyond just saving Akkey’s life.” 
Hunter Lindholm: My soul… he twitched, If my soul belongs to Hel, I can’t go to Valhalla…
But at least Akkey will be alive.
“Done.”
Gareth Ragnar Haddock the Second: Haddock blinked as soon as Hunter said that. More selling our souls away from Valhalla and to the goddess of Helheim. What have I done to the people around me. 
But to save their lives…
“That is very gracious of you, Hel. Thank you. We shall endeavor to do all you ask.”
Hel: “Ok yeah, great,” Hel grumbled, giving Haddock a particularly sour look. “Knock yourselves out…..You’re still a bunch of dummies,” she clicked her fingers. “I zipped up her back,” she said. “Get that food lit up today. Or start the mural today. Or both depending on how much you appreciate me.” she turned to Hunter. “Thanks for the soul, get me your wife’s and I’ll consider extra blessings. Chaio.” 
and with that, she vanished. 
Hunter Lindholm: Hunter let out a groan, shaking and falling to his knees, “Holy shit that was so scary… Akkey… Akkey!” His head snapped up, “I’m going to see if Akkey’s okay.” He rushed out the room, too late to see Eir’s form vanish around the corner.
Category:Events
Category:BOTGD 2
Category:Season 5
Category:Hunter Lindholm
Category:Gareth Ragnar Haddock the Second
Category:Hel (deity)