Johnny Five Aces

Johnny Five Aces is a pilot available in Freelance mode, and the Epilogue Missions of the Campaign. 
== Acquisitions Entry ==
Johnny Five Aces powered down the magnabike with a not quite unhearble hum and checked his chronometer. "Damn." he hissed threw his clinched teeth which were surrounded by the stubble of five days where in he had not shaven himself at all. It was almost chromodawn at Clashpoint. Alreddy the sun was sitting Walliston's Hill ah blaze like so much molten meddle or a coin, gyreating in the air, tossed there by the uncaring hand of an imaginary god that doesn't exist, borne from the interior minds of the hobbled masses. The sky was the color of a television tuned to a dead channel that was orange. Damn, he, Johnny, thought. We thought we were opening a new beginning with our mad dreams of time travail but ironically the only time now is the time of which we're out of. It's almost humorous. Yeah, I could almost laugh, if I hadn't cried that part of me away when my parents were maccasared by Dr. Malaprop and the government sanctioned murderers of "CAPITAL".He lit a Nicosheen brand swaggerette and took a dip drag, sinking farther into his inferior horologue. He thought of Nina and her mellifluous buttocks that he used to love to bang. Even now his nano enhanced hearing could almost hear her vagina lips quivering with moisture and also pleasure, like a slice of synth-ham being tongued by one of Malaprop's slamhounds. When he got back to City5, he was going to do some sex, no doubt about that. "That's right doll" he said to nobody and the wind. They were going to do it hard. He smiled, blowing smoke from his nostrils. They were going do it cyber hard.
== Trivia ==
* Johnny is a character from Zybourne Clock, a notorious failed RPG video game project from Something Awful from 2007.
* Johnny's freelancer payout is very unusual; he is awarded $50,000,000 upon completion, but has a maximum payout multiplier of 0.1, and each location gets progressively easier.
* Johnny also appears in Fallout: New Vegas as a corpse beside some balls, a camera, an ashtray, a beer mug, and playing cards.
== External links ==
* Zybourne Clock trailer (Fan-made)
* SomethingAwful - Source of Johnny Five Aces' Acquisitions Entry
* Gausswerks' DeviantArt sketches of Johnny Five Aces I - II - III - IV - V
Category:Pilots