The Joey and Donny Show

"The Joey and Donny Show" is the fourth episode of Season 3 of Life in Bikini Bottom, and the 33rd overall.
==Characters==
TBA
==Synopsis==
Donald Trump and Joe Biden start to secretly work together in their plan to keep Sheldon D. Bastard in power and suppress Bikini Bottom. However, when this causes Bastard to shift more towards Trump, they have to do everything in their power to make sure Biden is the pragmatic choice. Meanwhile, Fatprick and Assy start dating, much to the dismay of SpongeCock.
==Plot==
We start the episode with Trump in the Bikini Bottom Town Hall, scrolling through his phone, reading some polling numbers. “Aha! Look at these- I mean, oh no, I’m down in the polls. I mean YYYYUUUUUGGGGGEEEE!” He switches his tone when Pence walks in. “Mike, buddy! I’m doing horrifically in these polls! Why didn’t you tell me to compromise?” “Sir,” Pence says while sitting down. “I’ve been telling you to make compromises when it comes to the virus. In fact, I’ve suggested that you compromise on everything - well, except for your LGBTQ+ rights policy. In fact, you’re not doing enough. You need to start electroc-” “NOT NOW, MIKE! ...although that DOES seem nice, however.”
We see Trump turn on the TV, cutting to the intro of Cox & Friends on Cox News. “Oh boy, I’m gonna have such an orgasm from my show that not even Ivanka can give me, Trump says, kicking back. “Welcome back to Cox & Friends,” Steve says, “and I must say, President Trump is going down in the polls. The current general election polls have Biden with a 12 point lead.” Trump looks on with a smirk, before Pence gets his suspicions on. “Sir, why are you smiling? This is awful news,” Pence says, as Trump jumps back up in his bed. “Uh, just looking at Ainsley!” It cuts back to the show, where Ainsley blushes at the camera. “He can do it,” she says. “Remember - he thinks with his penis, not his brain.” “You’re damn right I do!” Trump says, turning off the TV and heading out of the room. “I have an important business meeting to attend to, Mike. Watch Eric and Donny Jr. while I’m gone,” Trump says, before heading out of the room at the same time Eric and Donny Jr. come in. “Hey Mr. Pence, can you plug a toaster into my ass?” Eric asks, as they both giggle. “Fuck,” Pence says, while facepalming.
We cut to outside of the town hall where all of the Bikini Bottomites are in line to be stamped by Bastard. “Attention, subjects!” He says, shouting through a megaphone. “Don’t try and escape after this. We’re gonna catch you, and you’re gonna have to catch a long lecture from my robot assistant about treason,” he says, as Polfgecks652 comes rolling over. “THIS STAMPING IS FULL STEAM AHEAD!” Polfgecks shouts, as he stamps himself with a Biden tattoo. “Wait a minute, getting tattoos is against Catholicism. To mass I go!” He says, while rolling away. Bastard stares with a blank expression. “Jesus christ…” Polfgecks turns back when he hears this remark. “YOU! Do NOT use the lord’s name in vain. Pffft.” He then goes back to where he was heading as every Bikini Bottomite proceeds to get stamped. Polfgecks then notices that a Bikini Bottomite is wearing a British flag on his shirt. “AND YOU! The United States is the best country in the world, and you cannot use that blasphemous symbol on your shirt.” Polfgecks rips the guy’s shirt off, and the guy walks off embarrassed. 
We see SpongeCock and company in line, not too far away from Bastard. Fatprick, Shitward, and Kraps are all nearby. “Well, folks, we’re gonna get a mean ass branding,” SpongeCock warns. “I hate this fucking place.” Fatprick interjects. “Nah, on the contrary, this is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” “Huh? Why’s that, bud?” SpongeCock asks, to which Fatprick pulls down his shorts. “Because I want to feel OWNED, and I mean privately, by that hot piece of ass Sheldon Bastard.” “You sick bastard - no pun intended,” Shitward jabs, “he’s taken! Why would you want a fascist anyway?” “Yeah,” Eugene adds, but then rubs his claws together. “Don/t you ever put the good name of capitalism on that no-good color of green shit nazi ass bitch!” “Color of green shit? Isn’t that redundant?” SpongeCock points out. Eugene sighs with a “you get the point” type of nod, leading to them being next in line.
Donald Trump: I’m going down to Bikini Bottom, gonna grab myself a pussy!
SpongeCock + Shitward: Fascism is everywhere, you don’t know what you got into!
Joe Biden: I’m going down to Bikini Bottom, gonna sniff myself some hair.
Fatprick: I was gonna take a shit, the government is tryna stop me!
Bernie Sanders: I’m going down to Bikini Bottom, let’s have Medicare for All!
Gory: Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow!
Mr. Kraps: They just took all of me money…
Sheldon Bastard: So come on down to Bikini Bottom, because you’ll be my slave here!
Bastard waves off the last person to be branded, as he laughs maniacally. Then, when he sees SpongeCock and the gang next in line, he starts to laugh even harder, to the point where he can’t even breathe. This continues until he turns blue and starts gagging for water, while the gang simply glances at each other in confusion. Sheldon takes a few seconds to recollect himself and then turns back to the line. “Sorry about that. It just feels great knowing that I’m about to convert my former archenemies into my minions. That’s all,” he smirks, while Kraps looks on with an unchanged expression. “Alright, just get this over w-” Bastard quickly shuts his lips tight as he interrupts him. “Nah, nah, don’t be ridiculous. After all these years, Kraps, you have joined my squad. This isn’t a ‘do this painfully and easily’ moment. I want to take in the moment. Breathe in a bit, take in the fact that I am superior. Say, Kraps, how does it feel knowing that your idol Trump is going to be overthrown by my boy Biden, who will help me become more powerful?” 
Kraps begins to combust, as SpongeCock decides to answer for him. “Look, the man wants billions of people to die from the acceleration of climate change, doesn’t approve of basic human rights for people of color… but you know, RESPECT HIS OPINION!” “SpongeCock, man, you’re doing heavy apologia for fascists… Wait, now so am I!” Bastard starts laughing again. “AHA! Just how my plan worked out.” “Really?” SpongeCock asks. “That seemed way too contrived to have actually been your plan.” “Yeah, I know,” Sheldon admits. “I just like to think that I’m more clever than I actually am. Just like Dan. In fact, I don’t even think he knows what he’s talking about. But that doesn’t matter, because those fools at SBFW are gonna read anything that has Life in Bikini Bottom labelled on it, so why bother questioning it.”
We see Kraps back to his normal form. He starts to exhale profusely as he begins to reply to Bastard. “I mean… Trump will probably have a better hand in keeping you in power than Biden will, you know,” he says. “If this is you trying to convince me, it’s not working.” “No, it’s-” Kraps stops himself as he gets a wide grin on his face. This grin is similar to the iconic Grinch grin as he chuckles a bit. “Well, actually Sheldon, your support for Biden made me think - maybe if our wonderful ruler approves such a candidate, then that means he’s the candidate of the people. Well, our people, anyway. Not for those in Palestine, our condolences to them.” We then see a close up of Sheldon’s head, where he starts going over his plan. I got it! The perfect plan. I should renounce my support for Biden and instead opt for Trump. He seems to be a pretty good fascist, and I’ll also be spiting Kraps. Yes, yes, the perfect plan! More perfect than ComputerBitch 5000’s motherboard.” 
Bastard runs off, making the line confused. “Don’t mind me!” Sheldon yells back. “I have something better to do!” Most of the line, except for Fatprick screams in joy, but he starts sobbing. “Aw man! I wanted a part of me owned today. That would’ve really gotten me flowing.” As they disperse out, SpongeCock explains to Fatprick that he has to cease his sexual degeneracy, to which Fatprick just nods without really listening to him. “Yeah, that’s cool and all, SpongeCock, but I - uh…” Fatprick becomes fixated on something offscreen, as SpongeCock calls him out. “Fatprick, what are you-” At this point, he’s already attracted to Assy Cheeks, who’s showing off her branding to her friends. “That bastard is sooooo dreamy,” she says, “he can torture me all he wants, put me in a gas chamber, all that. Yuh huh, there goes my glistening squirrel juices.” SpongeCock tries to stop Fatprick. 
“Fatprick, do not do it. Trust me, I’ve been caught in 4k simping for her many times. It did NOT pan out the way I wanted it to.” “Don’t care,” Fatprick says. “Well, if she didn’t like me back, what makes you think she’s gonna like you?” “BECAUSE I’M NOT YOU!” He screams back, as he then Naruto runs over to Assy, skidding all the way to behind her. She notices and gets a deadpan expression on her face. “Uhh… hi, Fatprick.” “Hey, baby girl,” Fatprick says while thrusting forward. “I can show you around, have a good time up in here, beat out all of your previous guys.” SpongeCock is watching in cringe, as the others have already scurried off. “Fatprick…” he tries to warn him, but he’s already in deep talks with her. “Man, that Sheldon Bastard didn’t brand me. I wish he did.” “Really?” Assy replies, “Because he branded me, and oh god, it’s burning deep.” She shows him the brand on her ass, showing a huge “SB” symbol. “Change your mind, Fatprick? Uh… Fatprick?” 
He’s caught in a daze by it, and starts to frolic around. “It’s BEAUTIFUL!” Assy turns from being confused to being flattered, as she begins to blush. “You know… maybe he’s my type,” she says to her friends. Her friends have a deadpan expression and begin to scurry away. “Damn, you’re soaking my squirrely fur!” She says in excitement. “Glad to know, Assy. How about we hang out, split an ice cream cake - well, not really, I’m gonna down most of it - and fool around?” She giggles. “That sounds nice. I’ll see you tomorrow night, sexy.” She walks off in a giddy fashion. “Well, not bad, ey SpongeCock?” He asks, with SpongeCock shown to be on the side, still shocked at the whole encounter. “Uh…. how the fuck did you….” “Well, that’s enough of that. We have a date to put together!” Fatprick says, dragging a stone cold SpongeCock out.
					THAT TOOK TOO LONG, BACK TO THE OTHER PLOT
Trump arrives at the undisclosed location, scanning his eyes and even his shitty orange hair. He empties his suitcase, taking out a stack of papers and heads into an unmarked room with an automatic door. We see him walk around a corner where Joe Biden is waiting for him, as they shake hands and greet each other. “Good news, Joey boy! You’re leading me by a landslide.” “Oh that’s great, Donny. But uh, what am I leading again you in?” Trump tries to remember. “Well, uh… honestly, my memory good not so.” Biden responds nonchalantly. “We both can’t talk for shit, I don’t know why your supporters psychologically project.” “Yeah, they do that a lot. I don’t see how anyone could possibly support me,” Trump says. “Speaking of which, we can’t blow this 12% lead out of proportion. After all, Hillary led me in the polls when I was trying to throw the election to her, and she STILL messed it up!” We see Paul Renaud come around the corner, as Trump’s advisor. “Uh, Mr. Trump, why did you even run for president if you weren’t doing it seriously?” “I dunno, Paul. I just thought it was funny.” “Oh! Well, my part’s over, time to swipe some bait at the kiddie pool.” Biden and Trump both grin, hollering at him to wait for them. They then get stopped by the TV turning on with a news report, confusing them both. 
“We have breaking news in the political world in Bikini Bottom today!” Ronnie Snickersnee announces. “Current Bikini Bottom leader Sheldon Bastard has rescinded his support for US Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden, and instead has opted for current president Donald Trump. We expect his sudden change of heart to have a major impact on the oncoming polls.” “WHAT?!” Both candidates yell as their jaws literally drop to the floor. “That’s right Ronnie,” Bubble Ass says. “My bubbly, bubbly ass is predicting a large amount of voters, specifically Bastard’s followers, to change their vote in favor of the incumbent. In fact, let’s get the leader on the scene with a camera crew.” We cut to a camera in the Cum Bucket, showing Sheldon Bastard in his throne talking to a reporter. 
“Well, you know, I have bootlicker supporters who will follow my every decision. They’ll keep me in power, easily.” “Now, your highness,” the reporter goes on, “how did this decision affect your invention, Polfgecks652?” “Well…” Bastard tries to speak, but we see Polfgecks throw Bastard to the side and start yelling at the camera. “JOSEPH R. BIDEN JR. IS THE MAN OF THE PEOPLE! HIS CENTISM, WHICH IS REALLY RIGHT-WING RHETORIC, IS WHAT WE NEED FOR THE SOUL OF BIKINI BOTTOM! Well, Trump is better on one policy, I must admit.” “And what’s that?” Sheldon asks. “Trump will easily kill more people than Biden. By a landslide. You can’t get any better than that. In fact…..” Polfgecks puts on a Keep America Great hat and starts to flex. “YOU CAN’T DUMP THE TRUMP!” Bubble Ass starts to interrupt from the set. “Well, then, we’re gonna cut back here before Polfgecks rushes into the produce section at the grocery store. Anyway, yeah, that’s it.”
“Unacceptable. Truly unacceptable. Everybody knows that you should rape children, not fruit,” Trump says in disgust. “NO, Donny, that’s not the problem here! The problem is that our plan is in danger!” “Relax, maybe it’s not too bad. After all, you have a 12% lead. That’s, like, twice the size of 1%.” The TV turns back on with a new report. “Breaking news! The polls are hot right now, as Sheldon Bastard’s endorsement of Trump has given him a 5% edge over Biden.” Trump has a deadpan expression. “Oh. I see. Yes, of course. Well then, I guess I’ll have to spend another 4 years sleeping in the oval off-” “Don’t worry, Don,” Biden says in optimism. “If we manipulate the public perception, perhaps you will be able to get reelected after all!” “Uh, Joe, we’re trying to get you elected, not me.” “Oh, right,” Biden says in remembrance. “WAIT!” Trump says. “I have an idea. Like, the greatest idea ever. When you hear this… oh boy, you have never heard anything as great as this one. So great, that Ivana and Marla will come crawling back to me. So great.” “I’m listening.” “Alright, so, remember all my years as a successful TV star?” Biden is shook. “Uh… you were Barney the Dinosaur, right?” “Hell yeah I was! I was an outlet for all kids everywhere.” Renaud pops back up between them, shouting “Did somebody say kids?” “Mr. Renaud, you already had your scene!” Bubble Ass yells from the TV. “Oh yeah!” He says, walking away. “Anyway,” Trump continues, “Maybe we can make our own show, telling people the dangers of me.” Biden has a lightbulb over his head as he nods. “Donny, that may be the only good idea you’ve ever had. Oops, sorry, I was supposed to talk like that in the debate.”
We cut to Trump and Biden on the side of the street, as Trump hooks up a mic and we hear the feedback. A camera starts rolling and he starts talking. “Good morning folks, this is your president… uh…. President… hm let’s see, what’s my name… Well anyway that’s not important. What is important, however, is making sure I don’t win. No Siree, it would be very bad if I won. For example, I, uh…” “TRUMP?!” Kraps yells as he sprints from across the road. “Oh boy,” Biden says as he backs away. “Eugene, what the hell are you doing here.” “Do my eyes deceive me? I’m your biggest fan!” “Uh, that’s great, Mr. Kraps,” he says, “But I need to… what.. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Kraps starts to chase him around the area as Trump runs for a few seconds, quickly becoming out of breath. He kneels down to catch it, as Kraps catches him. “I NEED YOU DONNY!” “No, you don’t! I, however, need to start jacking off more! I need to get in sha-” Kraps jumps on him, causing him to launch from underneath him. Biden watches in amazement. “Well, maybe this will work. We just need to- nevermind.” Trump lands in a supermarket, landing immediately into a bin of fruit. “Fuck! Not the fruit!” He tries to get up, but we see his dick stuck in a massive grapefruit, exploding all over himself. “Welp, this wouldn’t be my first time.” We see Polfgecks652 in the aisle, amazed. “Wow, Sheldon was right. Trump is the way to go!” “NO! GO BACK TO BIDEN!!” Polfgecks ignores him, rolling out in wonder. Trump wipes himself off and goes back over to Biden.
“Well, Joey, how many viewers did we catch on the broadcast? Maybe, just maybe, they were convinced.” Joey checks a computer. “We had 2 viewers.” “WHAT? But I thought you said we got a primetime slot!” “Donny, it’s 10 in the morning.” Trump thinks real quickly. “Well maybe they changed their mind?” We see Leader Bastard come up in his portable throne, riding on the road and stopping at the two. “Ah, folks, nice to see you out here. Say, don’t you have a debate tonight?” “We do?” They both say in unison. “No worries, you’re gonna kill it. Especially YOU, Don. I saw your broadcast, and oh man, that indecisiveness makes me thrilled to lead this piece of shit town for ages upon ages. “So you’re not voting for m-” Biden asks, with bastard starting to laugh. “Hah, no chance. I’m sorry, Joe, but he’s simply the bigger sexual degenerate. Plus, you want free healthcare for every Bikini Bottomite.” “NO I DON’T! LIES! LIES! FALSE!” Biden urges, as Bastard has already left. “Welp, that didn’t work,” Donny says. “But as you know, I won’t take no for an answer. Onto the next plan.”
				BUT FIRST, BACK TO FATPRICK
We see SpongeCock smoking a bong in his living room with Gory next to his side. “Hm… I wonder what would happen if I gave a snail a hit…” But before he can even act on the idea, Fatprick comes bursting into the room. “Well, SpongeCock, tonight is the night! I get to do something you never could do, and that is spread Assy’s cheeks wide open!” “Yeah, yeah, no need to brag,” SpongeCock rolls his eyes. “Do you even have a plan?” “Honestly, no. I didn’t even think this would ever happen. But I’m about to have a better night then when I shoved my cock in the world’s largest ice cream cake!” SpongeCock gets up and studies Fatprick’s attire, shaking his head during inspection. “Fatprick, you can’t put on this degenerate front and expect to woo over your girl.” “SpongeCock, let’s be honest, Assy’s a slut, she’ll get herself penetrated by a racoon tail if she had to. Hell, not even if she had to, only if she WANTED to.” “Fair point,” SpongeCock shrugs, while taking another hit. “But you could still stand to lose a few pounds.” “Oh, easy!” Fatprick says, while running up the bathroom. We hear shit sounds, as SpongeCock looks on in disgust.
				SIX HOURS LATER...
Fatprick comes downstairs with a newspaper in his hand, titled “Donald Trump Seen having Sex With Grapefruit - Not Fake News.” He starts to talk to SpongeCock. “Well, Cock, I have good news and bad news.” SpongeCock sighs. “Uh huh.” “Alright, so the good news is, I looked at the scale, and I lost 50 pounds from that shit. 450 pounds baby, I’m back to my pilot weight!” SpongeCock tries to ignore him since he’s about to spill out the bad news. “The bad news is, I pretty much gave the bathroom a paint job. Hope you like brown!” “Ugh, Fatprick, you know that’s where my inflatable dolls get delivered!” “Oops, right,” Fatprick says while not really caring. “Oh well. Time to dress to impress!” “Alright, but you only have, like, a couple hours,” SpongeCock warns him. “You need to practice putting on a cond-” “NO ONE’S GOT TIME FOR THAT! IF WE NEED TO DO IT RAW, THEN OH WELL, SHELDON BASTARD BETTER FORGIVE ME,” he shouts. “Now I need to put on my cardboard suit,” he says, leading to SpongeCock giving him a deadpan expression.
We then cut back to the Trump and Biden plot, where we get treated to a montage of them trying to get the public’s attention but failing miserably each time. First, they try to hack the town’s cell signal, while trying to send out a Presidential Alert. Trump is about to send it, but before he can, the signal is hacked again. We see that Leader Bastard has caused it, as Trump and Biden get alerts on their own phones. They open it up to see that it says “The liberal fake news media is on my ass again. #Trump2020” as Trump facepalms, and they see that Trump’s lead has continued to increase. The next plan shows Biden sneaking around Leader Bastard’s office in order to plant a device on him, but he’s stopped by a trap, which includes Polfgecks652 putting a strawberry over him and starting the penetrate him. We now cut back to the present, where they attempt one last plan.
“Okay, we can do this,” Biden says. “Donny, what’s the one thing you’ve never done in your entire life?” “Uh… had consensual intercourse?” “Well, true, but I was thinking more on the lines of being negotiating without a threat of violence.” Trump starts to shake his head. “Slow down there, Joey, there’s NO WAY this could work. Peaceful negotiations are boring, it’s the threat of violence that pushes them over the edge.” “Are you sure? Maybe you just need to be nice.” “And you need to be nice to- nevermind, you’re right,” Trump admits. “Well, here goes nothing.” He begins to walk over to the Cum Bucket, knocking on the door. He flashes a thumbs up to Joey as Bastard opens the door. “Yes, Donny?” Donny puts on a “nice” face. “Please Mr. Bastard sir… can you PLEASE vote for Mr. Biden…” “Uh… no.” Bastard assertes. “Pretty please?” “You know, Don,” Bastard says while shaking his head, “I kind of get the impression that you don’t want to be president.” “...yes,” Trump responds. “NO! Us fascists need to stick together!” He then slams the door on him, leaving him outside with Joey. “Well, it was worth a shot,” he says. 
We see them one final time, back at their secret meeting location. They are lounging back in their seats, trying to figure out any last plan. “You know, we could make a TV show, like the title suggests, and what you were leading onto earlier,” Biden suggests. “Ehhh… too much work,” Trump replies. The TV turns back, as we get a breaking news report from Ronnie Snickersnee. “BREAKING NEWS! We have good news for you Joe Biden supporters out there, because he has recently gone up in the polls as a result of his broadcast this morning!” Trump and Biden look at each other and start to smile in the hope that this is a big change. “Today’s polls show a drop off from Donald Trump’s personal record 25% advantage, as he now only holds…. A 24% ADVANTAGE!” Trump then throws a rock at the TV. “I KNEW IT WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE! But on the bright side, this pent up rage will not only be going to my porn tonight.” “Huh? What are you saying?” Biden asks. “Joey ol’ friend, I think it’s time to pull out… the big one.” Biden gasps. “You don’t mean…” Trump nods. “I mean.” Ominous music is played as we see shots of both of them. “You have no idea what I’m hinting towards, don’t you?” Trump asks. “Uh, no sir, I do not.” Trump sighs. “Come with me.”
				PULLING UP TO ASSY’S TREEDOME
We cut to the final scene, where SpongeCock is driving Fatprick to Assy’s crib in his whip. “Well, thanks for the ride, Cock!” Fatprick says, while stuffing down an ice cream cake. “I was gonna rent a limo, but uh, my ice cream cake fund was running low.” “Fatprick, lay off the ice cream cake!” SpongeCock suggests. “You’re gonna gain that weight back.” “Don’t worry bud, if I continue my pace, I’m only slated to gain the weight and 30 more pounds back.” “Whatever. Go have fun. Fun that I won’t have.” SpongeCock starts to break down. “I thought you were over her.” “WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE!” Fatprick takes the hint and goes into her treedome with WaterPods in. (It’s like AirPods but they make you breathe water. What, if he had a helmet on, they couldn’t kiss). Assy answers the door. “Hey, sweetie,” she says. “Come on in, make yourself REAL comfortable.” She shuts the door behind as Fatprick hands her a bouquet of flowers. “I got these roses straight from the toilet,” he says. “So, what are we doing tonight? Netflix and Chill? Ice cream cake war? Pin the tail on the-” he’s cut off by Assy showing him into a room in her tree. “Well, what about this?” Assy reveals a room to Fatprick that the audience can’t see. Fatpricks has a shocked expression and lets out “Holy ice cream cakes…” as the episode fades to black.
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