Transcripts 2000-01

Transcripts from January 2000 strips.
==January 3==
Panel 1Norman, Kingston, Richard, and Anne have their likenesses taken by the Four Horse(wo)men of the Apocalypse. Norman (War) has solid black eyes and wears an army uniform, a bandolier of bullets, and a helmet with ear holes that has "BORN TO KILL" written on it. He waves a gun in anticipation of attacking while sitting on his robotic-looking horse. Kingston's (Pestilence's) horse's head, covered by a tatty cloth, also appears in the panel.War: Come ON, it's time! Let's not disappoint them...War: ...I say lets do all six billion of them!Panel 2Pestilence, a diseased-looking version of Kingston with glowing green eyes and a swarm of flies around him, scolds War, who looks over with a disappointed expression.Pestilence: Brother War, this year 2000 thing is just nonsense. The stupid lot down there just flip out at the sight of a lot of zeros. We wait for the signs.Panel 3Richard (Famine) and Anne (Death) appear in the panel. Famine is a naked, anorexic version of Richard with solid red eyes and a bucket of chicken in one hand. Death has glowing white eyes and is wearing a large black hooded cloak and bearing a scythe.War: What are these signs anyway?Pestilence: Oh you know, Rivers of blood, the sun going out...Famine: The return of Christ or the comeback of disco...Death: or Oasis bringing something original out. Whatever happens first.
==January 10==
Panel 1Richard and Norman are standing on a bridge overlooking the town. Richard looks concerned for Norman, who is resting his crossed arms on the railing. Some houses and a road with a payphone? are visible in the background.Richard: I thought I would find you here. What's on your mind?Norman: Fha!Panel 2Norman points forward into the camera. Richard squints to see what Norman is pointing at.Norman: Just take a look at that!Richard: Look at what? The town?Norman: No everything! Look at it all!Panel 3Close-up on Norman, who continues to gripe.Normna: I mean look at this, the 21st century. The technology may have moved on but people are just a stupid and apathetic as ever. Doing the same shit day-in, day-out with the delusion of individuality until they die in a hush hour pile up they never really needed to be in anyway!Panel 4Silhouettes of Norman and Richard.Richard: I miss Mum and Dad too you know?Norman: Never said you didn't.Norman: I just wish... Oh I don't know.Panel 5Richard grabs Norman's shoulder, smiling. Norman smiles, too.Richard: That things where different? Don't we all? Come home and I'll let you microwave the fairy lights.Norman: The coloured ones? You have a deal!
==January 17==
Panel 1Al is visible from the neck up, saying "YAY"Text (Al): We (well I) interrupt the usual showing of S.S.D.D just when it looked like I was going to do some plot for this "Damn I've got loads of college work to do so I'll knock out any old shit and call it a special" special:Title Box: Doing College Assignments the Big Al WayPanel 2Al is staring at a CRT monitor.Text: A few times in the week running up to the deadline of the assignment (that would take three weeks to do) load up whatever application is needed and then stare at the blank screen for a few hours in hope that the work will somehow appear on the screen.Panel 3Al is lying down and drawing on a sheet of paper.Text: Do other "important" things (like drawing a crappy comic strip) ahead of time to give yourself plenty of time to play about on the Intern... I mean do the work.Panel 4Al is wearing earphones and licking the side of his mouth. "It's unholy, It's unholy..."It's Unholy" by Ronnie Wood" is playing through the earphones.Text: Listen to music while "working" to improve concentration.Panel 5Al is screaming at the CRT monitor and flipping it off, yelling, "WORK YOU MOTHER F**KING SACK OF SHIT!"Text: Sort any debugging problems by screaming obscenities at it at hitting it.Panel 6Al has a halo and is smiling angelically, saying, "...then this swarm of giant flying space hamsters came down and ate my hard-drive..."Text: On the hand in day, make up a watertight excuse for not finishing the work...
==January 24==
Panel 1Kingston is glaring at the television with the remote in his hand.Caption: 3 amKingston (thinking): Damn it! I really want to see the end of this film but I really need a piss now!Kingston (thinking): Maybe I can hold it until this finishes.Panel 2Kingston is holding his crotch in pain.Kingston (thinking): Argh! Okay so I can't hold it, but I ain't bloody moving until this is over because it takes forever to take a piss when you're in a hurry!Telly: "Evil will always triumph because good is dumb!"Panel 3Close-up of Kingston looking very closely at a pint glass.Kingston (thinking): Well as everyone is in bed now and we have hundreds of these pint glasses we stole from the pub...Kingston (thinking): ...you get ideas.Panel 4Richard and Norman are sitting on the couch. Richard is leaning back, sleepy-looking, while Norman is staring at a glass in his hand.Caption: The next morning...Richard: Where'd you get that? I thought we were out of larger.Norman: I just found it behind the sofa. It's gone a bit off though as it don't half taste funny!
==January 31==
Panel 1Norman is standing over Anne, who is sitting on the couch. Norman looks disgusted as Anne looks up at him.Norman: Cor what's that smell? It's like a mixture of cinnamon and old socks!Anne: Sorry that's my fault. I've come into season.Panel 2Norman gives Anne an angry look, and she returns the favour. Kingston is barely visible also sitting on the couch.Norman: You're on heat! Bah! I can forget about sleeping tonight then!Anne: What! Shut up! You sleep in the basement room so how could you hear us?Panel 3Norman leans in close to Anne's face and tugs on his ear. Anne grows angrier with him.Norman: Do'ya think these things on my head are for decoration love? I hear all of it!Anne: Well I think you're full of it! You can't hear through three floors!Panel 4Norman turns away, making a bashful face and smiling. Anne is wide-eyed at the camera while Kingston chimes in, griping at Norman.Norman: Quote: "Hay Richard, how's about you trying on that guard uniform tonight!"Kingston: You think you have it bad, I've got to sleep in the next room to those two! I can tell you what they did with the baton!
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