The Protectors of the Canonical Worlds/April Fools/2022

<tabber>Intro=
It was but a normal day for Deric and Celia, two agents of the Protectors of the Canonical Worlds. They had just been finishing up yet another mission...
Celia:Sparkling Aria, you are hereby charged with moving Heaven to a neutron star, surviving on a neutron star without justification, breathing in space, and, worst of all, being a Mary Sue.
Sparkling:Please don’t do anything! I landed on that planet by accident! It must’ve been fate, or something!
Celia:Oh, quit it with the sappiness. Deric?
Deric made a swing, and hit Sparkling with the Ban Hammer. Of course it exists, this is Animal Jam. ...Look the canon was already super broken by the fic and i’m not going to think through an entire mission and strategy for an intro to the real story maybe later you can see the real mission
“And another canon saved, another badfic slain”, Celia said, as she activated the portal back to HQ, just as the effects of the badfic faded away. (Moving heaven back where it belongs is a job for the Cosmology Department)
“Seriously, why are there so many badfics?”, Deric questioned. “And why did we just change from script to dialogue?”
“Script? Dialogue?”
“I’ve been through enough missions to spot which forms stories are written in, and by extension, which form of dialogue we’re talking in”, Deric explained.
“Okay then.. but doesn’t that mean-“
“We already learned we’re fictional two years ago. I’m really not sure why this is still so shocking to you. Now, do you have any idea why there are so many badfics?”
HONK!!
“Celia, I didn’t ask you to honk like a goose!”
“That wasn’t me, that was-“ Celia was interrupted by a white goose stealing the portal remote:The device used to make the portals to the canonical worlds. And then flying away with it.
“COME BACK HERE YOU STUPID GOOSE!!”, Celia shouted, chasing the goose.
Deric looked around, and saw the portal he and Celia had just came out of. Seems the agents forgot to close the portal.. This was bad news... For that means canon characters could have gone through, and found themselves at HQ! And they couldn’t even fix it, because a goose, probably the one from Untitled Goose Game, took the remote!
|-|The Chase=
Given that Celia was human, and the goose was... a goose, Celia wasn’t able to succeed in catching the goose. But she did succeed in stepping on a conveniently-placed banana peel (Definitely not put there by the goose), slipping on it, falling over, and slamming right into a table where three agents were playing D&D, causing the minis, map, and dice to fall to the floor.
“What is WRONG with you? Could you at least watch where you’re going?”, the DM asked.
Celia, unsurprisingly, got even more frustrated, probably at the goose for doing this to her.
“Sorry.! But SOMEONE put a peel RIGHT ON THE FLOOR and a GOOSE took my PORTAL remote and.. er.. I can put everything back?”
HONK!!
“Okay, who decided to let a GOOSE into HQ?”, one of the players inquired. (Several rooms south-west-down-kata away, an anthropomorphic goose agent sensed something wrong...)
“Can we have at least ONE game session without something going wrong?!”, the other player asked. “And you don’t exactly know where everything was supposed to go, so we’ll have to be the ones to fix it. ..Just try to be more careful not to trip on things!”
..By then, the goose was out of sight. So, Celia sighed, and said she would be, and decided she’d head towards the Cosmological Department. Or.. was it the Technical Department? There’s an issue with a portal to the canon that could let other characters end up in HQ, and a goose is already there, but she also lost a remote and needs a replacement... but then again if they catch the goose they’ll probably catch the remote as well. So, Cosmological it is.
Deric, on the other hand, decided to post a message saying there’s a goose. For the fifth time, geese became a running gag ever since Deric played Untitled Goose Game. And he decided to head out of the RC this time, since no more characters came out of this portal, so it was probably safe to explore. It’s not like more would enter now, is it? Plus, he was craving a nice meal, so he went to the Cafeteria... to see King DeDeDe eating all of the food, followed by a bunch of annoyed agents charging right at him to make him leave. ...Deric, on the other hand, was more like “What.”.. slowly backing away...
|-|The Chaos Grows=
Deric continued to navigate the area. Clearly the Cafeteria was running out of food, but maybe there were snack machines? Or more characters, hopefully ones that are actually friendly, and ones who could help fix everything.
What he managed to find was a giant ape (Donkey Kong?) holding Pauline, throwing barrels around (Where’d he get them from?), and a carpenter (Mario?) destroying the barrels with a hammer, on his quest to save Pauline.
Meanwhile, Celia took a path that would lead straight for Comsological. Having memorized the pathways of this well-structured complex, it should only be a few minutes away. Until... she ended up near a pool instead.
“I don’t remember this... I didn’t think we had a pool.”
“That’s because you didn’t!”, spoke a draconequus, who seemed quite dissappointed, “Seriously, you people are soooooo BORING! Just walking the same paths, using the same devices, doing the same job every single day!”
“DISCORD?!”
“What? Did you really think I wouldn’t enter that portal that was just made? Or did you think I’d be content having to see the same thing over and over again?”
Celia:Are you.. friends with Fluttershy yet? ..Wait, are we back at script form? Can we at least keep it one way?!
Discord:Oh, sure I am! Interesting that you see the entire timeline at once.. Existing entirely outside of it! Oh, if only the same was the case with your own timeline!
Celia:I don’t think Fluttershy would approve of you ruining everyone’s day by making them all lost. Now, could you fix this?”
Discord:Oh, fine... *snap*
The building returns to normal.. But with the walls and floors turned orange!
——————————-
HQ continued to get more chaotic, with more and more canon characters ending up there. Soon characters started calling each other “sus” for no reason. Eventually, Groudon would end up there, creating land within the HQ. It is then that two agents would appear... Herald, and Alita.
Herald managed to retrieve the remote, get every character back in the portals, and close them up with the remote.
Herald:...You guys are PCW agents! And in this HQ, there is no “canon” that you’re breaking by using your full power. They shouldn’t have been here in the first place, Celia, you could have literally used the power of a Q to warp the remote back to you. And that remote was supposed to close the portals automatically.
Alita held a copy of the rules of the PCW universe, a lit candle, and a bell. She rang the bell, and spoke the words...
Alita:IN THE NAME OF THE CANON, I BANISH THEE!!!
Alita:...And no bad plot phantom..? Oh right, it doesn’t work because our badfic wouldn’t recognize itself as a badfic. By trying to call out to the canon we’re calling out to the canon according to this fic ..Yeah we’re gonna have to get rid of this more directly...
|-|Wrapping It Up=
*one timeskip later*
Herald:You, phantom of uncanon, are hereby charged with having the agents literally be as weak as their base forms, making the Technology Department look dumb by not giving portals automatic closing features, having one forgetting to close manually result in result in all characters being able to arrive, having the Untitled Goose come out of a portal from Animal Jam, having the Internal Department not even notice something having gone wrong, having the cafeteria agents not even try to get DeDeDe back into his own world, not having any agents protecting Jumpman from getting killed outside of his canon, canonizing an April Fools’ Episode, switching between script and narrative form, and, most of all, destroying the canon.
Alita:Any last words? Wait, why are we even offering that? INTO THE FIRE OF CANON YOU GO!!!
...With the phantom destroyed... the HQ returns to normal. The chaos was over.
—————————
Alita:Wait... Today’s the 1st of April.. and we first showed up in an April Fools’ Episode ourselves. Does that mean..
Herald:OH COME ON!!!!
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