Breakup Advice

++ Skyline Tower ++
Every apartment inside the Skyline Tower takes up half of an entire floor, and every last one of them has a magnificent view of Translucentia Heights, and Iacon, outside. The building has its own security team to keep out the riffraff.
Oh, that Blurr. Panacea worries about the mech. He always seems to find trouble. Or it seems to find him. She hasn't decided which is more common. But with the most recent reports on the datanet, she has yet another reason to make a house call. Maybe one day he will get it through his head to come to her when these things happen. And maybe one day all Cybertronians will live in peace and harmony. Yeah right. Sighing, she presses the button for admittance.
The door opens more readily this time. Blurr is even at the door, looking anxious. "Panacea--oh thank Primus!" he's actually glad to see her for a change, it seems.
Uh-oh. What does the change mean? Panacea will only find out by going in and listening. "You seem upset about something," she notes gently. "Why don't you tell me about it? I'm going to guess it has something to do with the report I read, about the opera that didn't happen."
Blurr sighs, shaking his head. "I think everyone is upset. After the whole Nyon thing." He flops down onto the sofa. "I don't know what to do, Pan. I can't do this thing with Feint any more. I just can't. She's going to get herself killed."
Panacea sits on the seat closest to the sofa. "Tell me more about Feint," she says. "And people have a right to be upset about Nyon; it was a tragedy. People don't seem to realize that the deeper we get, the more things like this will happen." She shakes her head. "There's not much I can do for a city that has fallen, but you're still alive, and here, so talk to me."
Blurr sighs again, but this time it's a bit more drawn out and partly a groan. "She's convinced she has to start some kind of movement with like, a few other people to stop Zeta Prime. She thinks she needs to do stuff like pass information to the Decepticons. I mean, she might have been able to pull that off before when she had her abilities, but now? It's just going to get her and her friends killed, or worse!" He nods at her words. "Yeah, and -she's- one of those people who don't realize that. What she's doing, it's just making things -worse-. I can't condone it. Won't."
Panacea nods her head slowly. "I'm sure her spark is in the right place. But you're right. They're not making things better at this point. That's not to say that things were 'good' before. I understand why they are mad. And if people had acknowledged that in the first place, this all wouldn't have happened. There's enough blame to go around, and I believe that. But I also believe two wrongs don't make a right, and making everyone else suffer because /they/ have suffered is not tolerable."
"Her spark has always been in the right place..." Blurr says softly, glancing out the window a moment. "But that's the easy part. It's the execution, the methods part that bothers me, and I can't just brush it off like it doesn't matter." He sighs yet again.
"I always used to believe in her, Pan. Anything she said, no matter what happened...it always made sense. I always gave her the benefit of the doubt. Even when Axle died. -And- even when she--" he pauses, glancing at the floor. "--when Cipher died. Oh, and even when she told me to leave her behind in Kaon. But then she told me that Pax was a trustworthy mech who would train me and..." he shakes his head. "He clearly -isn't-."
"Tell me more about Pax," Panacea says gently. "What makes you think that he is not a trustworthy mech?" She's never been trained as a counselor, but she's not doing this in a professional capacity; she's just trying to help. "At what point do you think things started to change between you and Feint."
Blurr shrugs. "I don't know, but he just seems to have some kind of vendetta against me. Maybe he's good friends with Whirl, who knows. I mean, you've seen how he talks about me in his reports! I don't know what I ever did to offend him or whatever." He folds his arms.
"Anyway, the bottom line is she was -wrong- about him. And I've come to the realization that Feint isn't always right like I used to think. She might have good intentions, but sometimes that's all she has."
Panacea tilts her head to the side. "No one is ever /always/ right," she says tranquilly. "But that was a mistake any youth could make. Feint is considerably older than you. You'fe lost most of your mentors. It's not at all surprising that you're floundering," she says. "Your early handlers, they were investigating new territory. They botched it, but that's just because they didn't know any better. I doubt it was malice. I don't know about Axle, but Cipher was too /focused/ for malice." She shrugs her shoulders. "You're not such a new spark anymore. YOu need to decide what is good for Blurr."
"Axle just wanted money." Blurr replies, shrugging again. "None of them were malicious about anything. Maybe selfish and arrogant, but not malicious. Anyway the thing is..."
He pauses. "I need to break it off with her, but I just don't know how. And I'm afraid she'll do something even more stupid if I botch it."
Panacea hmmmms. "Well, in the first place, did she approach you, or did you approach her? How did you become so close?" Information is important. "If anything can be salvaged, then it's good to try. Would you want me to try to talk to her? Sometimes talking to someone that you're NOT close to is easier."
"It's...complicated. I saved her from a mech named Solvent, who was going to vivisect her for experimentation. She was so helpless back then, and I just wanted someone to--to listen to me, I guess. Someone who would understand. She needed someone to protect her, and I needed someone I could confide in no matter what. So I asked her if she wanted to bond, and she agreed." Blurr explains. "But...so much has changed sinced then. She's not the femme I once knew. Far from it, in fact. And I'm not who I was either. Plus, we spent 200 vorns away from each other--things just aren't the same. It's like she expects me to have just naturally evolved into the mech she always wanted me to be all on my own, without her even being there! It's kind of unrealistic, really."
"Well, do you feel you changed at /all/ in that time? Even if it wasn't in the way that she wanted you to? Or perhaps you were staying the same and depending too much on her to change?" Panacea says. "It sounds like both of you needed something, and found it in the other, but had to give up something important in exchange. There's no shame in it. But, my advice would be to wait until you are feeling calm, and approach her without blame. Present it as a way for each of you to spend time apart to truly learn where you stand without hurting each other."
"I do." Blurr nods. "Like I said, I always used to take her word for it. I used to think that way about everyone who was older than me, in fact. That they must know better. But now -I- know better. Feint was wrong about Pax. That's been -proven-. Just because someone has been around longer than me doesn't automatically make them wiser or smarter in every way."
"The problem is that most people /are/ doing what they think is best...they just can't see any point of view but their own. Pax probably thought he had to do the things he did to be put on a KOS. Those who followed him felt it was right to do so. Just as you think it's imperitive to follow the law. As a race, we're too prone to decending into hate. It's unfortunate. It leads to violence. You need to center yourself. Bring people to justice because you believe it's right, because you believe it's better for the world. Don't do it because you're angry or hate the people you fight. Then you'll turn into someone like Megaurrtron. He had good ideas, but his hate corrupted him."
Panacea reaches to pat Blurr's shoulder. "It's a hard lesson to learn, but if you manage it, you have the potential to be a shining force for justice. Just keep your optics alert and your audials open. As for Feint, well, she'll either see the error of her ways, or she won't. You can't force her to. And if the two of you believe things that are too strongly opposed, then you will have to let her go. But again, do it because it's right, not because you're angry."
Blurr listens to Panacea rather patiently. Well patiently for him, at any rate. It's amazing that he doesn't interrupt her at all. But perhaps this is because she is about the only person he feels he can talk to right now. He nods quickly at the end. "You know what, you're right. I can't help being angry, but...I can't let that dictate what I do. I still can't condone what she's doing though, because I just know all it's going to do is get people killed." He pauses.
"But what -can- I tell her, Pan? I just know she's going to want me to tell her some alternative, something else that would be more effective or better than starting a secret resistance movement."
"You don't have to know what the /right/ answer is to know that an answer is /wrong/," Panacea stresses. "Trust me, if we knew something better, we'd be doing it already. Ultimately, if the Prime was a bit more reasonable, or if the new Senate had been different, we could have cleaned things up from this end. Offered a lesser sentance to the rebels in return for a stop to the killings, the raids, the disorder. Our government lacks mercy, but they think the only way to rule is from a point of absolute control. The proper way to deal with this is to learn where the boundaries are and work within them. But too many people think it's too late. They're so convinced they're right that they'll continue on their paths until they win." She sighs and shakes her head. "Simply tell Feint you need time. With a bit of time, it's likely you'll drift apart, and this will make the final decision easier to bear for both of you."
"Yeah, and hitting them back is going to do slag apart from causing more chaos and death." Blurr sighs, shaking his head. "But apparently even Pax can't see that, and he's dragged a whole lot of people with him. I can't claim to know what's best, but at least I know what the right answer -isn't-. Process of elimination...sometimes it works. It's like you said, two wrongs don't make a right."
"Exactly. People want to divide others into good and bad. Right and wrong don't always mean good and bad. A good person can make a wrong decision, and a bad person can stumble across a right decision now and then. It doesn't help that there are so many bad laws. But fighting them hasn't made the government change; it's only made it worse. Both sides are just making the other more stubborn." Panacea sighs. "But if you want, I can try talking to Feint." She pauses. "Unless she's already completely cast her lot with the others. In which case I might be seen as fraternizing with the enemy, or whatever the term is." She's a medic, not a soldier.
Blurr shakes his head. "No, I'll talk to her. I shouldn't force you to deal with my problems." He sighs. "I guess all we can do is keep fighting the good fight as best we can and try not to let the rage take control." Though he still could never quite forgive the Decepticons for what they've done. "Still, I'm pretty sure that if Megatron does get his way, a lot of people will die, and then things won't even be much better than before. Probably worse in fact."
"Most likely. I'm not sure how many of us will be standing to be able to compare them though," Panacea says. "Then again, I've never really met the mech personally, so I don't know how much is rumours spinning out of control and how much is based on cold, hard fact," she admits. "Either way, I'm not a fighter. Whatever happens, will happen, and when the dust settles, I'll either be dead or I'll adapt."
"I'll be honest though...after everything the Decepticons have done, I don't think I could ever forgive them." Blurr says soberly. "Maybe they -had- good intentions, but now all they want is revenge."
There's a pause. "You know, I've never interfaced anyone but Feint before. I'm starting to regret that."
"There is plenty of time for that," Panacea says. "You were probably too young when you started, and that just added to your issues." She gives Blurr a long look. "I've read a few of the files people have written about you. One thing you have to realize is that most people DON'T know you. They can only go by what they see. They haven't had the experiences you had. They were able to go through their Primary Programming School and develop normally. It's not /their/ fault that they don't know your whole story. So if you feel that they don't understand you, you're completely correct. But keep that in mind when they seem frustrated with you."
Blurr sighs. "I know. But that's the thing, isn't it? People like to make judgments about me even though they hardly know me. It's not the fact that they're frustrated with me, it's the fact that they seem to be so fond of jumping to conclusions." As if -he- isn't guilty of that one. "It's like they -want- to believe the worst about me, Pan."
Panacea shakes her head. "I don't think that's always the case. They can't even CONCIEVE of what it's like to lose their youth. It's completely beyond their experiences. So they can't stop to consider what it would have done to you unless someone spells it out for them. Just like you can't imagine what it's like to go through the same process as everyone else. Even /I/ don't fully understand it, because I was more like everyone else than I am like you. But, I have enough information to realize that you don't operate on the same basic principles as everyone else. That sets you apart, but it also makes you lonely." How does someone so understanding fall? Well, that's a hard question to answer, now isn't it?
It's true, Blurr is pretty lonely. Yes, even though he's a celebrity and probably still has quite a few fans even though entertainment has been suspended. But there are few who can really identify with him. Shiftlock was -sort- of like him, but now she was gone. "Right, they can't even conceive of what it's like, so who the hell are they judge?" he asks, folding his arms.
"Well, how often do you give them a chance to learn about you? It goes both ways," Panacea says gently. "Once they judge you, you're too quick to decide that they'll never see you any other way, and you act accordingly. You get defensive, defiant. They need to be willing to give you a second chance; you have to be willing to accept it. I know it's hard, but you'll always feel that divide if you're not going to meet others half way in bridging the gap." She smiles to show she's not trying to come down on him, but that she's trying to encourage him to get along with others.
"Of course I'm willing to give them a second chance if they're willing to take it!" Blurr protests. "But that's the problem, they don't -want- to. Look at Whirl. He attacks me at the slightest provocation, it's like -any- excuse he could possibly have, he jumps on it. Even if I told him about my past, I doubt he'd even -want- to understand. I don't even know why he hates me so much, I never did anything to him. Pax either."
"Whirl....well, he has his own problems. He's not the most stable mech out there, but he's been badly damaged by the system. I think, in his case, the damage /was/ out of spite. That would /do/ things to a mech. Keep your wits about you though. He's one of the few I've met who I believe truly thrives off of trouble and violence. I'm actually surprised that security accepted him without severe emotional counselling first," Panacea says gravely. "As for Pax, I haven't dealt with the mech personally, so I don't know what his issues are. Perhaps he just doesn't have the patience for high energy youth."
"Pff," Blurr scoffs at Whirl having problems. "Yeah, to say the -least-." He shakes his head. "I guess it doesn't matter what Pax's problem is any more, since he's gone now. Whether he's dead or if he's run off into hiding, I doubt he's coming back."
"That's true. So, who do we have left that is on our side that you still have problems with?" Panacea says, trying to take it from a different point of view. "Because with things thinning, now is an excellent time to try and get yourself into a position where you can improve your teamwork skills."
"I don't even know." Blurr shrugs. "I'll just do my best not to cause trouble I guess." He sighs. "Hopefully this planet will get out of this mess at some point in time. And preferably without a million more people having to die."
"Some people think that's the only thing left to do: hope. I would like to think we can do better than that," Panacea says. Shifting slightly, she goes on to say, "It sounds like you had quite the incident at the opera. Exactly what happened?" she presses.
"I did as I was told, that's what happened." Blurr folds his arms, pouting because he still believes he was rather unjustly treated by Pax. "And I defended myself against Whirl. But then I stopped after Pax told me to."
Panacea sighs. "Where did the break down happen though. What do you think triggered his attack on you? There must have been some event, something that changed to either make him aggressive or defensive, both situations which would result in him shooting you." Panacea smiles. "I can always ask any of the members present and still on our side to clarify," she adds.
"I...passed out and woke up from a bad stasis vision." Blurr admits. "I guess I was disoriented and I lunged at Arcee. But I didn't hurt her! And I stopped as soon as I realized it was her!"
Panacea nods her head at this. "Do you remember the contents of the vision?" she asks, her tone going a slight bit sharp in concern. "Is it similar to anything you've had in the past, or was it a new sensation?" It doesn't sound like good news to her.
Blurr stares at the floor. He was really hoping not to have to talk about this, but maybe it is for the best. "...no...it's not. It was--" he intakes sharply, trembling slightly. "I--" Then he shakes his head. "I can't...I can't even explain it, Pan. It--it was horrible..."
Panacea leans forward and curls a hand around Blurr's arm, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Alright. Do you think it's just a response to stress, or does it feel like something more...deeply burried?" she asks intently.
"I-I don't know." Blurr shakes his head. "I don't know where it's coming from. It's been going on for a while, but lately it's gotten worse. It makes recharging...difficult."
Panacea sighs deeply. "Perhaps I should run some scans when you recharge, see if we can't track down what the problem is. Going into a state like that during high stakes missions is dangerous to you and to others. Do you know how long you've been having trouble resting?"
"They started not long after I returned from Kaon." Blurr explains. "It wasn't that bad at first, but...like I said, they got worse and worse, and more frequent. Yeah, maybe you could run some scans...not sure how much it'll help."
He frowns. "Isn't there like, a diagnosis-level interface you can do to try to figure out what's wrong? You probably won't like to see the visions...but maybe you could figure out what they mean."
Panacea hmmmms. "Well, I would want to run a few scans first, just to be safe," she says. "Cipher was pretty clear about what was going on, but I don't know much about Axle. I want to make sure that any surprises won't incapacitate me to help you further," she says gravely.
Blurr nods. "Yeah, I guess so." He stands up. "Thanks for talking to me, Panacea. I think... it helped. I mean, at least I have an -idea- of what I should say to Feint, now."
Panacea smiles gently. "Let me know how things go. I'm going to determine the best set of scans to run. When you feel ready to have them, I'll be waiting." She stands up slowly. "Don't lose spark, Blurr. Things are hard now, but you'll find your center one day."
Category:Autocracy