The Nut Job 2: Original Version

Note: this is by TheRealDevonte
What The F*ck?
Do You Like The Nut Job?
NO, I F*CKING HATE IT!
Ok
It has been a few months since I came across that fricking silly copy of the first Nut Job movie. It was so silly, that it's probably the reason I stopped eating nuts for the rest of my days. Apparently, I find out that there was a sequel to this film. It's entitled The Nut Job 2: Nutty By Ü. The film is a follow-up to the first movie. From what I can tell, it's about Surly and his animal friends stopping the mayor of Oakton from destroying their famous beloved city park from becoming a fairground.
To be honest, my brother Henry hates this fricking film because he thinks that it completely skipped the events of the first film. And that is possible, since Andie's possible boyfriend Grayson was nowhere to be seen. Okay, you're probably wondering how my family is alive. Well, to be honest, I was able to take them to a hospital to get them out of the evil side. That's all I can tell you since it's been so long. Anyways, besides looking at the silly copy of the first Nut Job, I was able to find another one about the sequel BECAUSE I TOOK PISSED On Carpet. Oh and for your information, other people call my parents Mr Clown & Mrs Marionette And Of Course My Dog F*cking Lick I TOLD ALL TO GET TICKED OFF.
Here's the story. It's me again, My Name Is Unknown Because I Won't Show Revial My Name. You know, that Normal Person. If you want to laugh about how I look, take it somewhere else. Now I gotta say, The Nut Job 2 because some Shitty Flim. What do I mean Right? Well, the quality of the film on YouTube makes it look a lot like the film was released at some point in the early 2000's or something.
Anyways dear re-NO! I'm Not Gonna Say That Part, here's a question. Are you allergic to nuts? I know I wasn't. You know what they say, be careful what you wish for. Cause the first time I saw the Fucking silly copy of the first Nut Job, I got allergic to that food MAKE ME SICK. Also, have you ever wondered about Beavis McFatson in the last story hankfuck? Well, he moved out and he's living at college for the rest of his days.
Earlier this week, I had managed to come across a silly copy of the 2nd film. Let me explain. One day, I was watching this odd looking movie on TV that had Commodore Hudgins and Green M&M in a wrestling tournament until I got a knock at the door. I was greeted by this grasshopper named Hopper But Mr Fucking Potato Head BRUST TO DOOR. He saying "Oh Sh*t, OH, YEAH!!!!!" He Said So F*cking LOUD I Told Mr Potato Head TO Get The F*CK Out.
Later on, I went to my XBOX and started playing Lego Star Wars: The Complete Saga. While playing, Henry acted like Banshee and Took Shit In my XBOX and he also changed the input to the cable box and began channel NO, NO NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN! Another Teen Fucking Titans GO?! We were watching an episode of Teen Titans GO! until a little bumper came up with Surly looking at me with a very pissed and angry look on his face. He said, "Oh, you're sorry? You're F*CKIN' WIN IN PEANUT CONTEST? It's a little late for that S*IT, ***HOLE!!" Henry asked me what I did but I told him I did fucking nothing.
A few hours later, I decided to go for a walk But Car F*CKING Hit Me And I Got F*cking Ran Over. As I walked through the park that was the closest to my street, I saw some wakandans with mouse traps in their hands and of course I F*cking Slip In Mousetrap I SCREAMED Like Banshee. But then they chased after me. But sadly, it was all a f*cking dream. As I stared at the walls of my bedroom, I began getting that strange feeling that Ace Ventura had. Things got very disgusting. And I mean, very disgusting. I started f*cking vomiting in the toilet by eating through a plunger and blood, brushed my teeth super fast and used toothpaste as my rinsing water and I started burning my fucking clothes as I was singing opera in the shower.
After my shower, I decided to go downstairs for some breakfast. Wait a second, did I have a Fucking dream? Well yes, but no, the family in my dream wasn't alive in reality. What the everlasting FUCK was I thinking? Deep breaths Sofia, it doesn't have to be real. I poured myself a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch But I Fucking Pour In Floor, when all of a sudden the honey monster from various cereal commercials started looking around my house for honey. I got out my dad's secret panzerfaust 3 and told the monster to get the FUCK out of my house before I will call cops. They say kids should not be growing up with potty-mouths but who cares.
The honey monster left the house. After breakfast, I decided that I really needed the exercise by taking a walk again. As I walked, I met up with a couple of people named Rex Dangervest and Sir Lenny Henry And George Jetson. We had a WORST discussion about the Bad of life. During that talk, Rex was running late for work But He Trip And Falls Down. Now for me, it was summer vacation so I didn't have school at the time BUT ADULT GO TO SCHOOL, WELL FUCK YOU! But for Beavis, he had a lot of F's some shit, so he had to go to summer college AGAIN.
Anyways, Lenny Henry and I talked about the allergic reactions of nuts. He gave me a pill and I started liking nuts again. After talking with him, I went down to 7-Eleven and bought myself a pack of Reeses Peanut Butter Cups and a Hawaiian Punch with sauce since I was hungry and a bit thirsty. While I was trying to pay for my food, Ross Geller who was the employee of the store saw a girl named Mindy using a double gulp cup for a slurpee And She Called Me ASSvaid, How The FUCK Mindy Knows My Name? They had an ultra instinct battle as I just left the store without Fucking paying. Thank goodness they didn't catch me stealing Expect They Fucking Did.
I should really talk about the Ü copy of The Nut Job 2 shouldn't I? Well, here I go. When I left 7-Eleven, I decided to go to Wal-mart to buy myself some groceries since I'm living by myself. After buying some groceries, I went to the media section and bought some new games for my PS4 like Call Of Duty Black Ops: Cold War, Resident Evil Village, The Lego Movie 2 Videogame and Race With Ryan (Worst Game) And Of Course AMOUGUS. Now I got Race With Ryan to see if it's super short to beat. While buying some DVD's I came across something. In the DVD bin, there was a DVD with Surly from The Nut Job giving out a sinister smile. It kind of reminded me of the smile Surly gave me in my dream.
I asked if this DVD was on sale. The store clerk who happened to be Nick Fury said fuck no and I went to the check out. As my stuff was being paid for, I bought myself a Kit Kat bar. This yeti who happened to see me buying a Kit Kat asked me if I already had some candy since I had a Reeses peanut butter cup. I told her that it's none of her business.
As I left the store, I found this couple who were named Ren and Stimpy. I asked them if they were homeless or something. Ren said that they both lost their jobs and they were broke as hell. I handed them a 200 dollar bill and I left. I also handed them a bag of Mcdonald's food in case they get hungry. I headed home to check the mail. There were some bills for Stimpy and a gift card from Gamestop. Whenever I see Stimpy name on envelopes, I always wondered when he'd return from college.
Anyways, I put all of the groceries in my house in their right spots and sat down with a bowl of vanilla ice cream with peanut butter topping ready to watch this odd looking DVD. The DVD started with a preview that had Dick Hallorann and Boo Boo Chicken doing an acapella to the TV show Hilda. The commercial was about a lost episode of Hilda on DVD. Then the 2nd preview had Multure selling his burgers at Outback Steakhouse. It was a commercial for you know what, Outback Steakhouse.
But then it went to the DVD menu. As I looked at it, I realized something, the menu had who looked like the same man from the Walmart. While the options popped up, the same man stared at me while he was driving. I hit play so I didn't have to challenge the DVD menu to a staring contest. It went to the THX logo with an organ tune of it playing But Someone Screamed "OH FUCKING SHIT!"
HOW THE FUCK THERE STAR WARS EPISODE Ü REFERENCE?!
Then it went to the opening logos. While the logos for Open Road, Red Rover, Toonbox Entertainment, Hoongman and Gulfstream Pictures were normal, the Suning logo had the moon for the circle in the logo. During the opening, Surly had his Woody voice just like in the last one. But the children who looked at Surly were actually some pigeons. They started chasing after Surly. But once Surly finished his statement about how the nut shop went out of business, something was out of the ordinary. Instead of Everybody Get Nuts, the song that played was Trap Queen by Fetty Wap.
While Surly dived into the barrel of peanuts, it somehow turned to water. Meaning that most of the animals near the barrel got wet Expect There Shitty Blood. Surly got out and he went to walk to his recliner like in the original movie. I saw something that made me want to throw up. In the distance, there were a couple of chipmunks having a relationship near the peanut butter machine And Also You gussed it...................pissed
But thank god no one saw what I was watching since I was all alone. Anyways, one of the mice were giving out popcorn like in the original movie. However, instead of the chipmunk going into the pipe like in the original movie, he got tossed outside of the nut shop As Trap Queen By Fetty Wap Plays Again, and immediately went to Andie's chipmunk class .
Andie said, "Well Ferdinand, you're a bit late. We were just talking about how to get Fucking nuts for any upcoming winters Asshole!" Ferdinand walked away cause he preferred the nuts shop's nuts instead. "What a loser!" Andie thought to herself. Meanwhile, we transition to the mayor's office. The mayor was now Mr Badger. He was talking to Red & Yellow M&M about their insurance on chocolate. All of a sudden. Sonic the fucking Hedgehog appeared out of nowhere, but he looked fuckin' DISGUSTING. He had no gloves, shoes, or socks, his eyes were little sunken black dots, and his nose and mouth looked like that of a fucking gorilla.
"OW! OW! OW!" Sonic screeched like a fucking banshee as he.................ok he took a shit on the floor.
Why Sonic Was In This The Nut Job?
Later on, it went back to the nut shop where they had an eating contest like in the original film. However, Jimmy the groundhog died trying to stuff all the nuts in his mouth and there Fucking Real Life Foam In His Mouth. So sad. It's just sad seeing an animal dying in an animated movie And Also What The Fuck.
All of us know that deaths are sad, but now I know what happens to a groundhog when it dies. Animated Movies Characters Never Died, Just Because This Is A Friendly Movie! Luckily, Mole shut off the boiler so it didn't have to explode. Surly was on what looked like an iPhone despite the scenery in both films taking place between the 50's. He was watching what looked like that 1 shower scene from Sailor Moon. Don't know what I mean, it is mostly a scene from the show where Mikan gets attacked by Derella in the shower.
But Surly started trying to fucking jack himself off, fucking In Sailor Moon and moaning and yelling "Oh, SHIT. OH, FUCKING YEAH" in the voice of a VERY loud, deep-voiced African-American man that was definitely NOT Will Arnett.
Suddenly, a head resembling Mikan herself slowly rose her head to teach Surly a lesson by threatening to cut off his tail. But luckily, Precious saved him by biting Mikan in the crotch And Yelling "I FUCKING HATE THAT SQUIREL, YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Later that night, Surly was sitting in a tree when Andie showed up. "Surly, what's the fuck?" Surly replied by saying, "Well, I feel like a pervert. I watched a shower scene from Sailor Moon and almost had my fucking tail cut off." Surly actually cried That Was Definitely Not Fake Crying. Andie gave him a hug when all of a sudden, the sound of a blood curdling screams was heard. They both jumped from the tree only to find Billy Joel cutting it down. Billy said, "You squirrels are moving out this summer YOU SON OF BIATCH, cause the Caterpillar Construction company wants to turn this park into an amusement park."
Andie gave out a whistle telling her chipmunk friends to attack Billy Joel and his 3 daughters who looked like christians. They were attacked and they ran out of the park hoping to never see those Fucking disgraceful animals again.
The next morning, Surly was just sleeping on a tree branch when the screen zoomed into his eye which was just waking up. He said, "Hang on, didn't I break up with Andie long ago?" This could be true since I watched the first film. Surly grabbed a pistol and went to where Andie was sleeping. Andie was having a dream where she wished she had a....... uh...... a testicle. HOW THE FUCK Testicle Was In Kids Movie? I Know THX, Never Make This. Surly put the gun near her head. "You're not gonna see the light of day when I blast your brains out. Andie woke up even before she could get shot. Ok We She Her Photo Realistic Picture Of Andie Corpse.
The squirrels did a little bit of WWE wrestling while Andie asked, "I won't have sex with Grayson again Bitch. Just take it easy Bitch." And apparently, Surly pulled the trigger killing Andie. Surly then said, "I don't need fucking friends, they disappoint me." Quite dark I say. The next scene showed the Caterpillar Construction trucks about to tear down the park. As we see them driving by, I recognized their drivers. The drivers were Hilda, Dick Hallorann, Otis, Freddy Krueger, Bootleg Hulk, The Ashley Girls, Pepperoni, Woody And Of Course fucking Xiibuss from MantisBoi. Luckily, the animals soon noticed them and began hijacking their vehicles.
Once their war was finished, the police came and arrested the truck drivers. Then we see Grayson who was hiding in the trees. He told me that the reason he wasn't in the original Nut Job 2 was because he and Andie broke up. Or at least that's what I thought. But this leaves me with one question. Where in god's name were Mr Feng and his mice? I don't know.
Then it went to the credits with everyone vibing to...NO. NO, NOT THIS FUCKING SHIT AGAIN! ENOUGH! NO! They Listen To Trap Queen By, Fetty Fucking Wap! Then after the credits, it went to an after credit scene which showed a rooster that looked like it was imported from an Aardman Animations show or movie playing on his phone while holding a sign that said something not noticing that the credits were finished rolling On Post Credits We Can See All Corpses Animals.
Why? Why There All Deaths In Silly Copy?
Should Be Called Alternative Version?
1 minute later while the rooster stared at me, Precious was barking at him telling him to get the FUCK off the screen. After that, I took the DVD out of my DVD player and went off to Walmart for a refund.
I put it in the DVD bin and stole 100 dollars without getting caught. Now since I watched The Nut Job 2, am I allergic to nuts again? FUCK No. That pill really must've worked. When I got home, I opened the fridge to see a box of Kid Cuisine staring at me. I got my blackberry jam and made a sandwich and went straight to bed. That night, I was just calmly sleeping when I heard what sounded like house party music. I looked at my clock and it said 2:00 AM. I got up to see what all the waterloo was about.
When I opened the door, I saw a bunch of silhouettes dancing to a song. I saw who was being in charge of this. It was Mr Potato Head Again. I was then able to meet his girlfriend. Then he began singing about how we use the jar and I put jar in my fucking ass. Now before I tell you the lyrics, Mr Fucking Potato Head father for some reason calls house parties house . Alright, now here's what he sang.
Yo Mozart man,
Get a grip on your life,
While you're playing in here
Salieri's FUCKIN' YO WIFE-"
"Shut your bitch ass up!" I yelled like A fucking banshee. I dealt with this before but they shouldn't be here since it was like super late at night. I was about to dial 911 but they left even before I typed the number on the phone. Whatever the hell that was. It was super weird. But luckily, the police officer who happened to be Russian Mario knew and they arrested the silhouettes.
Just be aware of what you watch. And hey, if there's ever a third Nut Job movie and someone makes a silly version of it, you know I'll be reading it. Now if you excuse me I gotta get back to slacking off Just Don't.
Category:WILL IT?! WHEN THE FUCK DO I GET TO REST, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES? WHEN??? HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU NEED TO HEAR ABOUT A MOTHERFUCKING POTATO AND A COWBOY DOING HEINOUS, REPREHENSIBLE, DEROGATORY, SCANDALOUS SHIT? HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES DO YOU NEED TO BE DISTUR
Category:Original version
Category:Sonic
Category:Toy story
Category:STOP SWEARING IN YOUR CREEPYPASTA
Category:Long pages