Test Stress/Transcript

===Act One/Never Too Late To Loon===
(The cartoon begins with the opening title card, "Never Too Late to Loon", which shows shows a silhouette of Plucky at his desk. We then fade to the next scene where we are at Acme Looniversity and zoom in to the clock tower where Gogo does a Cuckoo clock sound)
Gogo: "Cuckoo! Cuckoo!"
(The camera cuts to Buster Bunny's burrow. Buster, dressed in his pajamas, rises up.)
Buster: "Uh-oh. I overslept again."
(Buster looks at his watch, then turns his attention to the viewers)
Buster: "Oh, hi, Toonsters. Exam day at Acme Loo. Gotta motor!"
(Buster jumps back into his burrow, then flies out, dressed in his shirt, holding onto a balloon. The balloon carries him into space, then he turns around and notices a rocket ship honking at him. The balloon's string gets caught in the rocket ship, which pulls it and Buster in its path. Buster looks up and sees an asteroid. He jumps on it, then poses as the asteroid falls towards the Earth. The camera then focuses on Acme Looniversity. Buster, having seen it, jumps off the asteroid and through a window, landing and crashing into his locker door. Plucky and Shirley are next to him and they look in horror.)
Buster (With his face still in his locker door): "I gotta start setting my alarm."
(Buster falls over. In the next scene, Plucky is holding a newspaper that says, Students Panic! Mid-terms at Acme Loo!. In the upper-right corner is a picture of some students freaking out, including an anthropomorphic dog in a striped shirt. In the bottom-left corner is a picture of Buster with his face in his school locker, with the caption, Crazy Rabbit Collides With School Locker Again. As the camera focuses on Plucky, Buster stops by, carrying several books, which he sets down next to Plucky.)
Buster: "Phew! Hey, Plucky. You ready for the big test?"
Plucky: "T-t-t-test?" (He pushes his face towards Buster's) "What test?"
(Buster plushes Plucky's face back)
Buster: "Cartoon math. The weight rations of falling anvils," (An anvil and several equation signs appear above Plucky and drop down on him) "The density conversions of bonking mallets," (A mallet and more equation signs appear above Plucky) "Ooh, it's a killer!" (The mallet and the equation signs drop down on Plucky)
Plucky (dazed, with stars spinning around his head): "You're telling me."
Buster: "Well, good luck, old beak-face!"
(Buster walks away. The camera zooms in on Plucky, who is looking very worried)
Plucky: "I'm doomed!"
(Plucky overhears Shirley talking from a distance. The camera then focuses on her)
Shirley: "Oh, what a loon I am, Oh, what a loon I am."
(The camera goes back to Plucky, who has a devious grin on his face. He snaps his fingers, then styles his feathers to make it look like a biker's hairdo, then makes a muscular pose)
Plucky: "Shirley, sweetheart!"
(Plucky runs toward Shirley)
Plucky: "Your dream duck needs a small favor."
Shirley: "No, like I won't help you cheat on your math test, kay?"
Plucky (to the viewers): "That's what I get for asking a mind-reader." (To Shirley): "Aww, you gotta help me, Shirl. You can channel Einstein, or Newton, or some other genius into my head! Then I'll pass for sure!"
Shirley: "Plucky, last week you told me channeling was 'new-age nonsense'."
Plucky: "It's a term of endearment!"
(Shirley floats away, then Plucky jumps towards her.)
Plucky: "Please? You gotta help me!"
Shirley: "Get invisible, Plucky! Your whining is stressing out my aura to the max, you lunchmeat!"
(Shirley floats, dragging Plucky along. Shirley's Aura appears out of her body and tosses Plucky aside. When Plucky lands, Shirley's Aura continues beating him up, ending by tossing him into a wastebasket. When she is finished, she floats away.)
Plucky (with his feet sticking out of the wastebasket): "I'm not gonna give up!"
(In the next scene, we are at the Acme Looniversity cafeteria, where everyone is having their lunch. The camera moves to Shirley, who is using telepathy to feed herself a blue liquid. Buster walks next to her)
Buster: "Hey, uh, loon girl, any guess as to what today's mystery meal is?"
Shirley: "Ooh, like, this requires telekenetic communication, Buster. I'll have to like, mold with the meal." (She places her hands into the bowl) "Okay, it's coming, I am, I am... poultry." (She pulls Plucky out of the bowl, Buster has a shocked expression on his face)
Plucky: "Let's do lunch!"
Shirley: "Ew! I just lost my appetite!"
(Plucky runs away, then comes back, dressed in a tuxedo. He places a rose in a vase on the table and pulls down a backdrop of Venice, Italy.)
Plucky (with a french accent): "Ahhh, Shirley. You look beautiful tonight. I have an ache in my heart and a hole in my head that needs to be filled." (In his normal voice): "So how bout' channeling a little Einstein up here, toots?"
Shirley: "Like, let me whisper something to you darling." (She pulls Plucky towards her, then screams directly in his ear, indicated by his "eardrums") "LIKE, BUG TOTALLY OFF, MAN! I'm out of here!"
(Shirley floats away. The camera then focuses on the Earth, revealing Acme Acres to be in Missouri. A red dotted line is drawn from Acme Acres to Florida, with the camera focusing on it the entire time. In the next scene, Shirley is on the beach, dressed in a bathing suit, and reading a book under an umbrella. Plucky appears out of the book)
Plucky: "How bout' just a peek at old Stiney's brain? Hmmm?"
Shirley: "Ewww!"
(Shirley slams the book closed and tosses it aside, then runs away. The camera focuses back on the Earth, where a red dotted line is drawn from Florida to Alaska, again, with the camera focusing on it the entire time. In the next scene, Shirley is dressed like an Eskimo, fishing near an igloo. She pulls out a fish, where Plucky is revealed to be inside.)
Plucky: "I hear that old guy Einstein was pretty smart."
(Shirley runs away, leaving Plucky and the fishing rod behind. In the next scene, Shirley is back at the Acme Looniversity hallway, panting. Plucky runs up to her and pleads her for help.)
Plucky: "Couldn't you channel just a little bit of Einstein? How bout' his mustache?"
Shirley: "Oooh, all right, I'll do it! Anything to get you out of my hair!"
Plucky (jumping for joy): "Oh, joy! Rapture! I'm gonna be a genius!" (He kisses Shirley's foot, then continues jumping)
(The camera focuses on Shirley)
Shirley: "I call upon the spirit world to answer my refrain. Channel the genius of Einstein into this duck's pea brain!"
(Shirley pokes Plucky's head, then lighting strikes Plucky)
Plucky: "Nice effect."
(A gust of wind pushes Plucky into a whirlwind. Plucky falls down it, screaming the entire time. He then flies into an image of Einstein's head, bursting it. In the next scene, Plucky's head is onscreen, surrounded by little versions of Einstein, in a parody of the Pink Elephants on Parade scene from the 1941 Disney film, Dumbo.)
Singers (to the tune of Frére Jacques): "Albert Einstein, Albert Einstein, MC Squared, MC Squared,"
(The Einsteins burst. In the next scene, Plucky is face-to-face with an Einstein his size, who bat their heads at each other)
Singers: "Relatively thinking, theories that are stinking, MC Squared, MC Squared, Mc Squared, McSquared."
(Einstein pulls out a bicycle pump that says, E=MC² and inflates Plucky's head with it. Plucky's head bursts, and in the next scene, it looks like it is not on his body anymore. His head pops out of his body (revealing he has a defeathered scalp). Einstein then shows up next to him, and they skate together. Einstein spits water like a fountain, then Plucky skates towards him and lifts him. He sets him down, then an Einstein car drives past him. Plucky looks up, and dodges the Einstein car which tries to run him over. He then gets hit by an Einstein train, then rises up and sees an Einstein speedboat headed for him. He ducks, then blows a raspberry at the Einstein speedboat, only to get hit from behind by Einstein, who is water skiing. He dodges more Einstein cars, and is then surrounded by them, who all run into him and explode. Plucky, who is now dressed like Einstein, awakens and walks towards Shirley.)
Plucky: "Ze size of ze guest room is in the right proportion to the number of freeloading in-laws staying at your house."
Shirley: "What are you talking about?"
Plucky: "Einstein's theory of relative-ity, of course."
Shirley: "Geek me out."
(The bell rings)
Plucky: "Uh-oh, it's test time! Pardon me, Fraulein."
Plucky (as he walks to the classroom): "Zis will be a, how do you zay, 'Sham-doonk'!"
(Plucky's head gets stuck in the doorway. He grunts as he pulls it out, bouncing around the classroom floor and landing at a desk between Little Beeper and Montana Max, who laugh at him as the teacher hands him a piece of paper with the test questions on it. In the next scene, Shirley and Fifi are relaxing near a tree outside Acme Looniversity, reading books. The camera zooms in on Shirley)
Shirley: "Oh, what a loon I am, Oh, what a loon I am!"
Plucky: "Flattening hamburger made of frankfurter and sour bratten!"
Shirley (after she falls down from floating): "Ewww, like mondo negatory vibes! Who's invading my space?"
(Shirley walks towards Plucky, still dressed like Einstein, who is sitting in the classroom, wearing a "dunce" cap)
Shirley: "Plucky, school's over! What are you still doing in there?"
(The camera zooms in)
Plucky: "Ach! Du Liber! I'm in detention und it's all your fault!"
Shirley: "My fault?"
Plucky: "Ja. You told me I had Einstein's genius," (He points at his head, then pulls out the F he got on his test) "But I still failed ze math test!"
(The camera focuses on Shirley)
Shirley: "You do have Einstein's genius, or some junk. I just forgot to tell you that," (laughs) "When Einstein was a kid, he flunked math, too! Bye!"
(Shirley walks away. The camera focuses back on Plucky)
Plucky: "Ach! Do algebra! I've been shnookled!"
(Plucky faints and falls over as the cartoon irises out, ending Act One)
===Act Two/Li'l Sneezer===
(After the commercial break, the title card for the episode segment, "Li'l Sneezer" is shown, with a picture of the titular mouse. We then fade to the next scene, which is the outside of Acme Looniversity. The camera zooms in, then fades to the next scene, where Buster is standing outside the Hall of Cartoon Cats, about to talk to the viewers.)
Buster: "Everyone has to take tests at Acme Loo. Even Furrball has to make the gred with his mentor, Sylvester."
(The camera zooms in on the Hall of Cartoon Cats, then fades to the next scene, where Sylvester is giving Furrball a tour)
Sylvester: "This, Furrball, my lad, is the Hall of Cartoon Pussycats."
(The camera moves towards Furrball and Sylvester, then focuses on them)
Sylvester: "Enshrined here are the greatest stars of feline comedy. Stars like Helix..."
(The camera moves to a picture of Helix, who is revealed to be a red cat resembling Felix the Cat, who is very muscular. The camera then moves to Garfunkel, a cat that resembles Garfield with Art Garfunkel's hair, encased in ice)
Sylvester: "Garfunkel..."
(The camera focuses on a picture of "Tom Injury", a black cat resembling Tom from "Tom and Jerry", who is being chased by a chainsaw-weilding mouse, under a banner with the words, TOM INJURY. Sylvester and Furrball walk by the picture)
Sylvester: "Tom Injury, and last but not least..."
(Sylvester stops to show Furrball a giant golden statue of himself)
Sylvester: "Heh heh heh. Moi."
(The camera reveals the giant golden Sylvester statue in all its glory, then moves back to Sylvester and Furrball)
Sylvester: "Now, I know you have similar aspirations to greatness."
(Furrball meows)
Sylvester: "Say no more, my little pupil." (The camera focuses on Sylvester) Professor Sylvester will start you on your path to super stardom."
(The camera focuses on Furrball and Sylvester. Furrball is under an umbrella to avoid Sylvester's spit falling on him)
Sylvester: "Let's see. I must set you a test worthy of the great cartoon cats. I know!"
(Sylvester tosses the umbrella, revealing Furrball wearing goggles with windshield wipers)
Sylvester: "Bring back a mouse!
(The camera focuses on Furrball)
Sylvester: "Pass this test and your portrait will hang with the great ones!"
(The camera focuses on Sylvester, who smacks his lips)
Sylvester: "Mmmm. Better yet, make it a mouse sandwich. I missed lunch."
(The camera focuses on Furrball and Sylvester. Furrball meows)
Sylvester: "So? You've got your assignment!" (He removes Furrball's goggles) "Stop simpering around standin' and squawkin'!" (He pushes Furrball out of the way, who meows the entire time) "Scoot!" (The camera focuses on Sylvester, who talks to the viewers) "That's thr trouble with kids today. Talk, talk, talk! Sakes!"
(Sylvester walks away. We then fade to the next scene, where the camera zooms in on an alleyway. The camera moves to a silhouette of Furrball growling, then later to him looking for a mouse. He looks in the tin can next to him, but since there isn't a mouse inside, he tosses it aside. He then walks to a box and looks inside it, but just like the can, there is no mouse inside. He gasps, then runs to a full dumpster. He lifts it up to look under it, but there are no mice under it. He sets it down and sighs, ready to give up. Suddenly, he hears something from the building above him)
Acme Employment Agent: "Yes, Mrs. Mouse."
(Furrball looks up and sees a silhouette of the Acme Employment Agent talking to Mrs. Mouse. The camera zooms in on the silhouette)
Acme Employment Agent: "We'll send over our next available babysitter to 13 & 1/2 Mouse Hole Lane. Good-bye!"
(Furrball writes down the Address, and runs off. We then fade to Li'l Sneezer's apartment, as the camera zooms in on the front door. We then fade to the next scene, where Mrs. Mouse is talking to Furrball, who is dressed as a babysitter, and Mr. Mouse is next to him)
Mrs. Mouse: "We're running out to see a movie. He's down for his nap, so you shouldn't have any trouble at all. Good-bye, now!"
(Mr. and Mrs. Mouse prepare to walk out of the apartment. The camera focuses on them as they walk away)
Mr. Mouse: "Eh, biggest babysitter I've ever seen."
(The camera cuts back to Furrball, who waves good-bye to the two mice, then turns around with a devious grin. He runs to Sneezer's bedroom and opens the door. He then sneaks up to Sneezer's crib and pulls off the blanket, revealing a sleepy Sneezer, who awakens and yawns. Furrball finds Sneezer cute, then suddenly remembers what Sylvester told him in a thought balloon that appears to his right side)
Sylvester: "Bring back a mouse, and your portrait will hang with the great ones!"
(The thought balloon disappears, and Furrball grabs Sneezer)
Sneezer: "Oh, hello. Gee, you must be my babysitter, huh? I'm Sneezer. Say, Babysitter Ma'am, why you got me up in the air like this, huh, huh, huh, huh? I'll tell you one thing, Babysitter Ma'am, everything sure looks different from up here, yes siree, it sure does..." (Sneezer is about to sneeze) "Aaah... aaah... aaah... CHOO!"
(The force of Sneezer's sneeze pushes Furrball away and Sneezer lands back in his crib. Sneezer wipes his nose with a handkerchief)
Sneezer: "Bless me. I have a little cold." (Giggles)
(Furrball gets up, with his head caught in Sneezer's dresser. The top drawer opens to reveal his eyeballs and the bottom drawer opens to reveal a bib on his tongue. Sneezer jumps onto Furrball's knee)
Sneezer: "Hey, you wanna play dress-up, Babysitter Ma'am?" (Sneezer closes the top drawer) "That's a very fun thing to do, it really is. Gee, I could dress up as a doctor or a fireman or a caveman or..."
(Sneezer dresses Furrball in a yellow blouse and hat. He runs away as Furrball removes the dresser from his head. A thought balloon appears on his left side, with Sylvester once again in it.)
Sylvester: "Better yet, make it a mouse sandwich!"
(The thought balloon disappears and Furrball snaps his fingers. In the next scene, Furrball is in the kitchen, adding various condiments to a sandwich. The camera cuts to the sandwich, where Sneezer is revealed to be inside as Furrball is adding the condiments)
Sneezer: "Gee, I never dressed up as a sand-a-wich before. This is fun, don't you think? Hey, I wonder how come they call them sand-a-wiches? There's no sand in them. Maybe a witch invented them. I'm a-scared of witches. I saw The Wizard of Oz and I cried and I cried and I cried all night. Waaah!"
(Furrball plugs his mouth with an olive, which triggers a sneeze)
Sneezer: "Aaah... aaah... aaah... CHOO!"
(The force of Sneezer's sneeze pushes all the condiments off the table, and pushes Furrball away. Furrball tries to grab onto the table, but to no avail, as he is pushed into the refrigerator. Sneezer walks to the rerfigerator, and opens the door, revealing Furrball, with his feet in the crispers, a pie on his head, vegetables in his eyes, and the ice cube tray in his mouth. The camera cuts to Sneezer, who sniffs)
Sneezer: "I'm allergic to olives."
(The camera cuts back to Furrball, who removes the pie and the vegetables, and now has an angry scowl on his face. He tries to catch Sneezer, but Sneezer runs away, thinking he wants to play tag with him.)
Sneezer: "Oh, so you want to play tag, Babysitter Ma'am? That's a very fun game, isn't it? Huh, yep. I sure do love tag." (He pokes Furrball's nose) "You're it, babysitter Ma'am!" (He runs offscreen) "Catch me if you can!"
(Furrball chases after Sneezer. The camera cuts to the next scene, where Sneezer has found an open closet door. He goes inside the closet and shuts the door. Furrball catches up and hears Sneezer giggling)
Sneezer: "Boy, this closet sure is a good hiding place." (Furrball laughs, as he is sure is going to catch Sneezer this time) "I bet no one would ever find me in a million billion trillion zillion years. Nope, no way, no how." (Furrball is about to open the closet door, only to hear something not so pleasant-sounding) "Gee, there's sure a lot of dust in this closet. Real dusty, yes sir. Uh-huh." (Furrball is shocked when he hears this. He runs off to get a hammer, nails, and planks of wood, and returns as Sneezer is about to sneeze) "Aaah... aaah... aaah...." (Furrball nails the planks of wood to the door to secure it shut) "CHOO!" (The force of Sneezer's sneeze loosens the knob, knocking it off) "Aaah... aaah..." (Furrball plugs the doorknob hole with his finger) "Choo!"
(The force of Sneezer's Sneeze travels up Furrball's arm and into his head, causing him to spit out the contents of the closet. Furrball removes the planks of wood from the door and pulls the door off, growling the entire time. Sneezer comes out of the closet, dressed as a spaceman)
Sneezer: "Hey, let's play space mouse and mutant alien!" (He pulls out an alien cap) "That's a very very fun game, don't you think? You could be the evil nasty mutant alien," (he tosses the alien cap onto Furrball's head) "And I'll be the brave, courageous space mouse. And if the mutant alien catches Space Mouse, he gets to cook him up and eat him!" (Furrball likes this idea, and pulls out a piece of bread) "Yup, that's what he does, that's what he does, Uh-huh, yep!"
(The camera cuts to Furrball and Sneezer. Furrball meows, Sneezer runs off, and Furrball chases after him. The camera cuts to Sneezer pretending to zap Furrball with his toy ray gun)
Sneezer: "Zap! Zap!"
(Sneezer lifts up the rug and goes under it. Furrball follows and chases after him, meowing the entire time. The camera cuts to the other side of the rug, where Sneezer has made it out. He hears Furrball meowing, and runs off. He comes back and pushes a piano in Furrball's path. Furrball crashes into the piano, with his head sticking out and the keys in his mouth. Sneezer plays, "Shave and a Haircut (Two Bits)" on the keys, which Furrball spits out afterwards as Sneezer jumps on his nose. Furrball grabs Sneezer and swallows him)
Sneezer: "Hey, where am I, huh? Boy, it sure is dark in here, yep, it sure is. It's... hey, is that a half-eaten anchovy over there?" (Furrball is shocked, as he knows Sneezer is going to sneeze again) "I'm allergic to... aaah... aaah... aaah... CHOO!"
(The force of Sneezer's sneeze inflates Furrball, who flies across the foyer like a balloon as he deflates)
Sneezer: "Gee. The only other time I sneezed this much was when I was around a kitty cat. I'm really allergic to kitty... kitty... kitty... CHOO!"
(The force of Sneezer's sneeze pushes Furrball into a wall and releases Sneezer from his mouth. The camera cuts to a close-up of Sneezer)
Sneezer: "Awww, poor Babysitter Ma'am, you look all pooped out. Hey, I know what'll cheer you up, yes siree, I do I do..."
(Sneezer runs off, and the Camera cuts to Furrball picking himself up)
Sneezer: "Here you are, Babysitter Ma'am!"
(Furrball screams in horror as he sees what Sneezer brought him. The camera cuts to Sneezer holding some goldenrods)
Sneezer: "A nice bouquet of goldenrods."
(The pollen from the goldenrods sprinkles down on Sneezer's nose)
Sneezer: "Uh-oh. Aaah... aaah..."
(Furrball, expecting another violent sneeze, tears a hole through the wall and yelps. He runs through the hole and back to the Hall of Cartoon Cats, losing his disguise in the process. The camera cuts back to Sneezer, who is about to sneeze)
Sneezer: "Aaah... aaah..." (The sneeze turns out to be a regular, non-violent sneeze) "Choo. Bless me." (Giggles)
(The camera cuts to the Hall of Cartoon Cats, where Furrball is still running away. He hides behind Sylvester's golden statue, where Sylvester is admiring his reflection. He stops and notices Furrball hiding behind the statue.)
Sylvester: "Furrball, I'm ashamed." (He picks up Furrball) "After all that, you didn't catch a thing!" (Furrball nods his head, "Yes") "Oh, you did? Well, tell me, boy, what is it?"
(The camera cuts to a close-up of Furrball)
Furrball: "Aaah... aaah... aaah... ACHOO!"
(The force of Furrball's sneeze pushes Sylvester into his golden statue, breaking it to pieces. The camera moves from Furrball to Sylvester, who has lost all his fur)
Sylvester: "Gesundheit."
(The cartoon irises out on Sylvester, ending Act Two)
===Act Three/To Bleep Or Not To Bleep===
(After the commercial break, the title card for the episode segment, To Bleep Or Not To Bleep, with a silhouette of Fowlmouth is shown. We then fade to the next scene, where Buster is walking through the Acme Looniversity hallway, with a carrot in his left hand)
Buster (To the viewers): "Of course, not every test here at Acme Loo is academic; there's the test of speed..."
(Buster runs across the hallway, leaving a trail of lightning behind, then stops outside a classroom door.)
Buster: "The taste test..."
(Buster opens the door, revealing Dizzy Devil devouring his books. The camera then cuts to the next scene, at the Acme Looniversity cafeteria. Buster opens the door)
Buster: "And of course, the test of true love."
(The camera moves to Fowlmouth, who is having his lunch. He is surrounded by pink hearts and sighs)
Buster: "For instance, take Fowlmouth. Please." (The camera cuts to Shirley drinking grape juice, and Fowlmouth watching from a distance) "He's been mooning over Shirley the Loon for weeks." (The camera cuts to Buster next to a poster that says, SCHOOL DANCE THIS WEEKEND, which he points to) "He'd love to ask her out," (The camera cuts back to Fowlmouth) "But Fowlmouth has just one tiny problem."
(Fowlmouth, lovestruck, squeezes his milk carton, which bursts and spills milk all over him)
Fowlmouth: "Aw, dad-gum it, I spilled..." (bleeped explicit) "...milk all over my..." (bleeped explicit) "...feathers."
(The camera cuts back to Buster)
Buster: "Did I say, 'little problem'?"
(The camera cuts back to Fowlmouth)
Fowlmouth: "I mean, If I had a nickel for every..." (bleeped explicit) "...time I spilled something on my clothes, I'd be a rich..." (bleeped explicit) "...guy."
(The camera cuts to the cafeteria worker, who is revealed to be a large, hairy, tattooed man smoking a cigarette, flipping sausage patties. Fowlmouth's bleeped explicits scare the patties, which run away. The Cafeteria worker screams and falls over as Fowlmouth continues swearing. The camera cuts back to Fowlmouth)
Fowlmouth: "I don't believe it, I got..." (bleeped explicit) "...lunch all soggy and..." (burps) "Pardon me."
(The camera cuts back to Buster)
Buster: "Fowlmouth swears so much, his beak has been declared a toxic waste dump."
(Buster walks up to Fowlmouth)
Fowlmouth: "Aw..." (bleeped explicit) "Buster, look what I did." (Bleeped explicit) "Now Shirley will never..." (bleeped explicit) "...never give me the time of day."
(The camera cuts to Buster)
Buster: "Mmm-mmm. Not until you clean up your mouth."
(The camera cuts back to Fowlmouth)
Fowlmouth: "I..." (bleeped explicit) "...just gotta ask her to the dance this saturday."
(Fowlmouth turns around to look at Shirley. The camera cuts to her floating away, then cuts back to Fowlmouth, who runs off after her)
Buster (to the viewers as the camera zooms in on him): "Why do I feel a disaster coming on?"
(The camera cuts to the hallway, where Shirley is floating and Fowlmouth is following her)
Fowlmouth: "Hey, yo, Shirley! Wait up!"
(Shirley stops as Fowlmouth screeches to a halt)
Shirley: "Oh, hello."
Fowlmouth: "Listen, I just thought I'd take a dad-gum chance here, because..." (bleeped explicit) "...I'm a guy..." (bleeped explicit) "...you're a girl, and..." (bleeped explicit) "...thought you'd like to go out on a date sometime. So, uh, what..." (bleeped explicit) "...you say?"
(As Fowlmouth is talking, Shirley is shocked when she hears Fowlmouth's bleeped explicits. She faints, while her aura still floats and screams in horror. She picks up a FOR SALE sign and places it near Shirley's body. Shirley awakens, sees Fowlmouth, screams, and runs after her aura. The camera cuts to a lonely Fowlmouth as Buster catches up to him. Fowlmouth jumps on Buster to beg him for his help)
Fowlmouth: "Listen, ears, I'm..." (bleeped explicit) "...in love! I've got to get Shirley to be my lovebird. Hep me, will ya? Will ya?"
Buster (as he turns his head to the viewers): "That's my weak spot, vulnerable poultry." (He uses his right foot to push Fowlmouth off his body) "Fowlmouth, you don't stand a chance till you cure your swearing habit." (The camera cuts to a close-up of Buster) "Looks like I'll have to handle this, Buster style!"
(In the next scene, we are at a laboratory, where Buster explains to Fowlmouth, who is hooked up in a chair with a helmet on his head, which is connected to the Acme Behavior Modification System)
Buster: "The Acme Behavior Modification System is guaranteed to break any and all bad habits!"
(The Camera then move to the machine, who gives out an evil smile)
Buster: "Now every time you swear, it'll let you know it."
Fowlmouth: "Really!? Dad-gum..."  (bleeped explicit)
(Buster then pulls the lever and system begins to work, First it hits Fowlmouth with a pie, then Buster flicks a lever and the system pulls out a water bottle)
Fowlmouth: "Dad-gum..." (bleeped explicit)
(The System then squrit water onto Fowlmouth, wiping out the pie on his face but also got him wet too)
Fowlmouth: (bleeped explicit)
(Buster then pushes a button while reading a book while on a lawn chair. This time the system places a small piece of metal on Fowlmouth's beak and nails it shut. However, Fowlmouth is able to remove the metal piece, then swears again)
Fowlmouth: "Dad-gum..." (bleeped explicit)
(The system then hits him with a mallet and flattens him. Buster then seems surprised to see Fowlmouth, just as he changes back to his normal self and curses again)
Fowlmouth: "Dad-gum..." (bleeped explicit)
(Buster then runs behind the system, as it is overloading from all of Fowlmouth's swearing)
Fowlmouth: "With nuts and a cherry on top!!!"
(The system then explodes, creating smoke. As the smoke clears, we see Fowlmouth looking angry and unharmed while Buster comes out of the rubble, scorched with his shirt damaged.)
Buster: "That's funny. It works on nail-biters."
(We then cut to the park where Buster, who looks okay, walks away from Fowlmouth, who is begging and crawling on his knees while following Buster)
Fowlmouth: "Aww, please, Buster, one more chance!"
(As Fowlmouth is pulling on Buster's shirt, Buster turn to Fowlmouth)
Buster: "No way! you're hopeless, Fowlmouth!"
(As we see Buster and Fowlmouth walking up a small hill, we see three babies, one boy with black hair, one girl with blonde hair and a purple bow and one bald baby, playing in the sandbox)
Fowlmouth: "Golly Gosh, Buster! You just got to help me beat my swearing habit. It's the only way for Shirley will like me, for heaven's sakes!"
Buster: "No, Sorry Fow..."
(But just as Buster is about to finish, he notices that Fowlmouth hasn't sworn one word in that sentence)
Buster: "Golly? Gosh? Buster?"
(Buster then picked up Fowlmouth)
Buster: "F.M.! You just said three whole sentences without swearing!"
Fowlmouth: "Sure! there's little kids here, you know. What, do you think, I'm crude or something?"
Buster: "That's it, F.M.! The cure for your problem!"
Fowlmouth: "It is?"
(Buster then grabs Fowlmouth's arms and pulls him, telling him about the plan)
Buster: "Shirley the Loon won't know what's come over you, with a little help from old Buster here!"
(In the next scene, it is night time and we see Shirley in a field, floating in mid-air and doing her chant)
Shirley: "Ohm, or some junk. Ohm."
(We then see Buster and Fowlmouth hiding in a bush behind her. Buster kicks Fowlmouth out of the bush to get him near Shirley. As he gets up he makes a small cough. Shirley turns to see him)
Fowlmouth: "Ahem. Um, good evening, Shirley."
Shirley: "Oh, like, goodbye, Mr. Bad Karma with feathers."
(As Shirley floats away, Fowlmouth is about to curse)
Fowlmouth: "All right, just a..." (bleeped explicit)
(Just as he is about to curse, Buster pulls out his secret weapon, a baby, from the bush and Fowlmouth turns to see him and stops himself)
Baby (Deep Voice): "Goo."
(Fowlmouth then smiles and waves at the baby, and as Buster pulls the baby back, Fowlmouth then extends his arm to reach and grab Shirley. He pulls her back, causing her to now walk on her feet instead of floating)
Fowlmouth: "Uh, one moment, if you please. I realize I did not make the best of 'impresseons' on you today, Shirley. Uh, please allow me to make it up by escorting you home?"
Shirley: "Like, you can really keep your beak under control?"
Fowlmouth: "Ah ha. Of course, my dear, you have my word."
(We then see both Fowlmouth and Shirley walking while both are holding each other's arms. The camera then cuts back to the bush, where Buster is holding the three babies from earlier while he is talking to the viewers)
Buster: "And I'm tagging along to make sure those words are clean."
(We then cut to a scene where Shirley and Fowlmouth encounter an angry dog, who growls at them and stops both of them in their tracks)
Shirley: "Eww, Like, maybe we better go around, I'm getting totally hostile vibrations from that dog."
Fowlmouth: "What, this gentle caine?"
(As Fowlmouth walks up to the dog, we see Shirley looking terrified. Fowlmouth is now next to the dog)
Fowlmouth: "Eh, he wouldn't hurt a fly"
(Just as Fowlmouth pets the dog's head, the dog opens his huge jaw and bite Fowlmouth's arm, causing him to give a big scream)
Fowlmouth: "Yeow!!!, why you dirty, dad-gum...."
(We then cut to Shirley as she covers her ears just as it looks like Fowlmouth is going to break his promise, but then Buster, who is hidding in the nearby trash can, grabs the dog, then puts him back in front of Fowlmouth, dressed like a baby (you know, with a diaper, a binky and everything) and Fowlmouth stops himself from cursing)
Fowlmouth: "Naughty doggy!"
(Shirley then takes her hands out of her ears and is impressed that Fowlmouth kept his promise)
Fowlmouth: "Come, Shirley!"
(Fowlmouth and Shirley hold each other's arms again and walk back to Shirley's house. Fowlmouth then reaches and takes the dog's binky out of his mouth and the dog cries like a little baby. We then cut to see Shirley's home)
Shirley: "Guy, like, thanks for proving me wrong, F.M/, you're a totally way cool dude."
(The Camera then zooms in to show Shirley about to open her door as Fowlmouth wants to ask her something)
Fowlmouth: "Eh, does this mean you'll go to the dance with me Saturday? I hope, I hope, I hope?"
(We then see Buster on the branch of a tree with the three babies)
Buster: "Hey, he's got it made."
(We then move back to Shirley and Fowlmouth. When Shirley touches Foulmouth's chin, he begins to float in mid-air with hearts around his head and a big smile)
Shirley: "Ahh, you're sweet, but I already promised Plucky I'd go with him."
(Just as Fowlmouth hears that, he falls back to the ground)
Fowlmouth: "Plucky?!"
(The camera cuts back to Buster and the Babies)
Buster: "Plucky?!
(We then cut back to a very sad Fowlmouth as Shirley enters her house, then pops her head out)
Shirley: "But call me sometime, kay?"
(Just as Shirley closes the door, Fowlmouth begins to look angry, more than usual, then Buster comes down from the tree as Fowlmouth's aid)
Buster: "Hey, listen, F.M., you did great! I-I mean you gave it your best shot and you proved you can carry on a conversation without swearing once."
(Just then, Fowlmouth is shown to be so angry that the ground is shaking around him and his face is turning from red to purple to blue. We then see the babies as they all scream and rush from the tree to a safe distance. And just as Fowlmouth is about to make the biggest curse he has ever made, he stops himself)
Fowlmouth (Calmly): "Rats. Oh, well. Maybe next time."
(He then walks up to Buster to thank him)
Fowlmouth: "Hey, thanks anyway, pal."
(As we see Fowlmouth leaving, Buster is shown to be surprised that he's cured)
Buster: "You're cured, Fowlmouth!"
(Buster then turns to the camera)
Buster: "What do you..." (bleeped explicit)
(Just then, the now-fixed Acme Behavior Modification System appears and takes Buster away, back to the lab. During the end, Buster is given the same treatment as Fowlmouth, but this time it seems to work, as Buster is hit by a pie, sprayed by a water bottle, has a piece of metal bolted to his mouth and is flattened by a mallet. However, Buster still gives two bleeped explicits; the first to remove the piece of metal from his mouth, and the second after he gets flattened by the mallet. The camera cuts back to the machine, who laughs as the cartoon irises out on him, and the credits then roll.)
Category:Tiny Toon Adventures
Category:Transcripts