War of the Nincompoops

War of the Nincompoops is the second episode of the first season of The World of SBFW.
==Transcript==
(The episode opens with CrazySponge entering a stadium. He enters the line for a betting booth. SpongeBot is at the front.)
SpongeBot: I bet ten thousand SBFW bucks that it's cancelled in the next twenty four hours.
Employee: Alrighty then.
(The employee makes a note as SpongeBot walks off. Pluto walks forward.)
Pluto: Fifty thousand SBFW bucks if he cancels it in the next two days.
Employee: Fair game there, Pluto. Fair game.
(Pluto walks off and CrazySponge makes his way to the counter with a huge bag of money. He throws it on the counter.)
CrazySponge: One million SBFW bucks if he cancels it in the next five minutes.
(He looks smug as a crowd of people stare at his confidence.)
Employee: But with that sort of payout, you'd be rich!
CrazySponge: Look, I bought fucking Walmart last weekend. I probably own this fucking building. Yesterday I almost forgot to pay taxes for one company because I didn't even know I owned it! What I'm saying is, I already am rich. Are you going to accept my bet or not?
Employee: Umm… sure?
CrazySponge: Thank you.
(CrazySponge walks into the arena, where it is literally just Ace playing Roblox. CrazySponge sits next to SpongeBot.)
Ace: Yeah, um, this new show I'm working on is going to be so awesome guys!
SpongeBot: How much are you betting?
Ace: It's all about, uh, Squidward and stuff. And in, uh, the apocalypse!
CrazySponge: One million.
SpongeBot: (surprised) One million SBFW bucks? How long you betting for?
Ace: It's going to be so great guys, you will not believe it. It's called Squidward's Life in Pocaopolis!
CrazySponge: The next five minutes.
SpongeBot: Where the hell do you get all this money from? He won't cancel his show in the next five minutes!
(Ace sighs and shuts down his computer.)
Ace: F**k it. The show is cancelled.
(Ace storms out of the arena as CrazySponge looks smug with himself.)
CrazySponge: See? See?
(theme song)
Look at that sun, look at that sky,
Look at my sweater vest, it looks so fly!
Look at that mailbox, look at that tree,
It's about as beautiful as it can be!
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh,
Today is gonna be exceptional!
Never boring, even for a minute,
It's my world and we're all living in it!
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh,
(We're all living in it)
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh,
Never boring, even for a minute,
It's my world and we're all living in it!
(Cut to an exterior shot of a downtown hangout labelled "Luis' Crib". A fast food employee pulls up on a motorbike and enters.)
Employee: One sex on the beach for Aidan Lastname?
CrazySponge: That would be me.
(Pan over to CrazySponge sitting on a sofa with several other people watching Cool Cat Saves The Kids. He takes his cocktail and gives the employee a hefty tip.)
CrazySponge: Keep the change.
Employee: Woah, thanks man.
(The employee leaves.)
Matchy: So CrazySponge, there's word on the street that you've received a three million bucks profit on a bet.
CrazySponge: That may or may not be true. I'm a wealthy businessman.
Purple: Congrats dude. What you gonna spend your money on?
CrazySponge: Probably porn- I mean, well, the Box Productions tower could use a makeover.
SpongeBot: Oh, I'm sure it's not that ba-
Matchy: It's literally just full of a cardboard boxes with the logo drawn on-
Purple: -in crayon.
SpongeBot: You mean you own one of the biggest companies in the world of SBFW and your tower in our building is filled with boxes?!
CrazySponge: I thought it was funny at the time, okay?
SpongeBot: You think death is funny.
CrazySponge: You're just jealous you're not as rich as me.
SpongeBot: (angry) THAT IS NOT TRU- (pause) yeah you're right. SpongeBot's Company and Shit hasn't really made me much.
CrazySponge: You know, I could change that for you.
SpongeBot: Aidan, I am not selling out to an Amy Rose fetishist.
CrazySponge: (holding out his overflowing wallet) How does one millio-
SpongeBot: (forcibly shaking CrazySponge's hand) It's a deal!
(The camera zooms out into the SBFW building opposite Luis' Crib, specifically Jasbre's floor. Jasbre is spying on CrazySponge through a telescope. He is surrounded by employees consisting of mainly Looney Tunes characters.)
Jasbre: What is that imbecile up to?
Bugs: I dunno, doc.
Porky: That Aidan is a son of a bi- a bi- bi- a bi- a bi- a female dog!
Jasbre: Hang on, I think he's just gone and bought SC&S Inc.!
Mr. Shicowa: How dare he!
Jasbre: That sexual degenerate thinks he can monopolise the entirety of SBFW, and SpongeBot is now one of his newest bitches. (he sulks) I can't watch.
Daffy: That lying bastard needs to be stopped at all costs!
Jasbre: That's damn right, my baby. But there's no way we can stop him from achieving world domination!
(pause)
Bugs: Unless, Jasbre, we achieved world domination ourselves?
(pause)
Jasbre: (grinning and rubbing his hands together like a James Bond villain) Oh yes, I like where this is going. Check the bank account guys, because it's about time we made a new acquisition!
(They all let out an evil laugh as the camera pans up to the Box Productions floor. CrazySponge and SpongeBot exit the elevator.)
CrazySponge: Welcome to Box Productions, Bot. You'll earn a lot of money here. More than you would with that crooked duck.
SpongeBot: Huh. Where's my office?
CrazySponge: Right here. (He points to a run-down cheap office that's barely operable)
SpongeBot: Uh…
CrazySponge: Hey, it's better than Polar's.
(Cut to Polar's office, which isn't even an office at all. Polar is working on a piPad.)
Polar: I mean it's alright for late-night brooding sessions.
(cut back)
CrazySponge: You'll work up to a better office as time goes by. Anyways, rookie, time to show you the most fun part about working for me!
SpongeBot: Stealing other people's spin-offs?
CrazySponge: Well yes but actually no. It's buying other people's companies! And I know just whose company to buy.
(CrazySponge gets a telescope and starts spying on Monorail Entertainment's floor)
CrazySponge: Better yet, I'll have you do it.
SpongeBot: Me?
CrazySponge: (turns to SpongeBot) Yes, you. I'll train you to become a company-buyer almost as great as me!
SpongeBot: Okay.
CrazySponge: Now, do you know how to say the words "I want to buy your company for".
SpongeBot: Yes…?
CrazySponge: Good. Now pick a big amount of money and put it in the sentence and see what happens. Not too big though, you don't wanna put us in bankruptcy. Now take that Granite's company, rookie!
(Cut to SpongeBot going outside the building and going over to Monorail Entertainment's. However, when he arrives, Granite and Jasbre are shaking hands)
SpongeBot: Can I buy--what the?
(Granite and Jasbre face SpongeBot)
Jasbre: Sorry, Bot. I just bought Granite's company.
Granite: Indeed. This gives me more time to continue my Captain Underpants fan-fiction!
SpongeBot and Jasbre: What?
Granite: Nothing, nothing.
(Jasbre grins as SpongeBot sighs in defeat and goes out of the building. Cut back to Box Productions' building where CrazySponge is still spying on Monorail's building)
CrazySponge: What's that duck doing there?
(SpongeBot appears from offscreen)
CrazySponge: (faces SpongeBot) Hey, rookie! How'd it go?
SpongeBot: Jasbre bought the company before I could…
CrazySponge: WHAT?! That sexual degenerate thinks he can monopolise the entirety of SBFW! That ducking fuck. This means war!
SpongeBot: You mean… an advanced war?
CrazySponge: Oh no, we already did that. And I won, by the way.
Polar: (off-screen) He did, you know.
CrazySponge: This is an… advanced advanced war.
(pause)
SpongeBot: I was expecting a better play-on-words…
CrazySponge: Me too. Now, let's get to work!
(Cut to a montage where CrazySponge, SpongeBot, Matchy, Purps, and Polar are building weapons out of cardboard)
SpongeBot: Don't you think this is a bit far? After all, there are many fish in the sea-
CrazySponge: Without SpongeBob's NEW Fanon Wiki I cannot live! I needed that company and their spin-offs and that ni-[BLEEP] took it!
Everyone else: WOAH! HE SAID HARD R!
CrazySponge: What are you gonna do, report me to the N-Word Police?
(Cut to the N-Word Police Department, where Primitive is sleeping wearing a police outfit, when suddenly the phone rings and Primitive wakes up and answers it)
Primitive: Yeah, N-Word Police. Uh-huh. Yeah. Someone said the n-word in Box Productions? Right on it, have a nice day. (Dial tone) I'll just have SpongeTron do it.
(Cut to SpongeTron, which is beaten up, rusty, dusty, and in a non-working condition. Cut back to Primitive)
Primitive: Welp, I tried. Maybe jabababa wants this department.
(Cut back to the Box Productions building where the employees march out in soldier equipment)
CrazySponge: Hup, two three four, hup two three four, hup two three four. Company, halt! Do you know why we're wearing these cool outfits?
Purps: We're going to Comic-Con?
CrazySponge: Uh, no.
Matchy: It's Halloween?
CrazySponge: Matchy, it's the middle of fucking May. Anyway, we're going to fight that duck, and take all his companies! Who's with me?!
(silence)
CrazySponge: Good enthusiasm, guys.
(Cut to the Box Productions employees marching towards Jasbre and his army of Looney Tunes characters. Dramatic music plays in the background. They all suddenly stop.)
CrazySponge: Surrender now or face the wrath of my boxes!
Jasbre: NEVER! We can do this the easy way, or the hard way.
Matchy: Can't we just choose an in-between?
CrazySponge: Stop fapping in class. Let's go!
(Both sides scream as they run towards each other. Before they meet, we cut to them playing Smash Bros. together.)
Announcer: and the winner is… Luigi!
CrazySponge: Yes, I win again!
Jasbre: This is cool and all, but aren't we supposed to be fighting a war?
CrazySponge: oh yeah
(pause)
CrazySponge: Wanna play some Splatoon after th-
(Cut to both sides actually fighting, except Jasbre and CrazySponge who are sitting on the side.)
SpongeBot: I defy you, Road Runner!
Road Runner: meep meep
CrazySponge: (on phone) Yeah, I'd like to buy your company.
Jasbre: (also on phone) NOT IF I BUY IT FIRST!
(pause)
Jasbre: YES! Sold to Jasbre!
CrazySponge: I WAS ON THE LINE FIRST, YOU STUPID WOMAN!
(cut to Matchy talking to Mr. Shicowa)
Matchy: hey
Mr. Shicowa: hey
Matchy: so i kind of created you
(cut back to the intense fighting)
Polar: I WILL FIGHT UNTIL THE END!
Purple: wait why am i fighting for bp again
CrazySponge: I just bought xyzTV!
Jasbre: You monster!
(we see more fighting and shit)
CrazySponge: You know, this is less fun than I thought it would be.
Jasbre: You thought this would be FUN?! This is war, you nincompoop!
CrazySponge: Well, war always looked like fun in History class.
Jasbre: Who was your History teacher again?
CrazySponge: Mr. Renaud.
Jasbre: That explains it then.
(we watch more fighting)
Jasbre: We should probably stop fighting.
CrazySponge: Yeah, I'm gonna get sent more pics from this onlyfans account soon.
Jasbre: Alright guys, enough fighting!
(the fighting suddenly stops)
Polar: Did we win?
CrazySponge: Uh, yea-
Jasbre: (hits CrazySponge with a frying pan) Let's just call it a tie. We'll, um, work this out soon. Why don't we have a peace summit on Friday?
CrazySponge: SeemsGood to me!
Jasbre: Alright then.
(the two shake hands as we cut to Jasbre in his office)
Jasbre: (laughs) Yeah, we totally won that fight.
(cut to CrazySponge in his office)
CrazySponge: (laughs) Yeah, we totally won that fi- (he trips over a box) Ow! I really should get rid of these one day.
Matchy: So, uh, what happens now, captain? We just make peace on Friday?
CrazySponge: Of course not, you idiot! That's only what he wants us to think! It's a trap! That black duck has been scheming against me for years! Did you see that review of Hoopla's Fantastic Beach he posted?
Matchy: um…
CrazySponge: HE HATED IT! How can anyone hate HFB? It's a masterpiece! He's a bully and bullies don't have friends! (pause) And friends are cool. So, Jasbre's planning something big and we have got to be ready?
SpongeBot: (walking out) Well, I don't know about you but I'm off to pirate the Flintstones. See ya!
(CrazySponge pulls SpongeBot back in)
CrazySponge: Not so fast! We have to figure out what he's up to!
Purple: (whispering to Matchy and Polar) He's going a little bit crazy…
CrazySponge: I HEARD THAT! Now come on team, we need a plan!
(cut back to Jasbre in his office)
Jasbre: So Aidan is definitely planning something big for the so-called "peace summit", so we need to be prepared.
(a spy plane flies in view of the office's window)
Jasbre: Uh, why is there a plane outside my office?
Bugs: Maybe CrazySponge has decided to flee the city!
Jasbre: I wish.
(Jasbre's phone starts ringing.)
Jasbre: Sorry guys, I gotta answer this. Hello?
CrazySponge: (on phone) Yeah hi Jonas, if that's even your real name. We all know it's Steve.
Jasbre: Crazy? Why the hell are you phoning me?
CrazySponge: Well I just thought I'd let you know that if you see a plane fly outside your headquarters and only your headquarters it is definitely not a spy plane. Yeah, uh, it's definitely not a spy plane. I don't even know why anyone would think that! (nervously chuckles) Yeah, it is in fact a legitimate weather plane just collecting, uh, weather and stuff.
Polar: (piloting plane) hi
(pause)
Jasbre: The plane is collecting data about the weather outside and only outside my office?
CrazySponge: Uh… yes. It's a new thing BP is trying out.
Jasbre: Yeah, sure. SHOOT IT DOWN!
(Yosemite Sam shoots down the plane.)
Polar: THIS ISN'T WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR!!!
(pause)
CrazySponge: (nervously laughing) So, uh… you still up for Friday?
Jasbre: Of course not, you lying bitch! You were spying on me! I am going to use this event to ruin your reputation and let everyone know how great and powerful I am!
CrazySponge: o
Jasbre: oh yeah and im also coming over to your tower now and im probably gonna kill a few people k bye
(Jasbre hangs up as we cut back to CrazySponge in his office)
Matchy: Is Polar dead?
CrazySponge: Hopefully. But that's not our main concern right now! Jasbre is coming here!
SpongeBot: again? i mean we just had a big fight and shi-
(They hear marching and look out the window to see Jasbre and his troops entering the building.)
CrazySponge: oh shit
Jasbre: END OF THE LINE, YOU HOOPLA BITCH!
(Jasbre and the other Looney Tunes begin shooting everything, primarily CrazySponge)
CrazySponge: JASBRE NOOOO!!!
Jasbre: Shut up, ya stinkin' nine year old.
(everyone stops)
CrazySponge: I'm not nine!
SpongeBot: Yeah, he's eleven!
(CrazySponge hits SpongeBot as the Looney Tunes and Jasbre continue shooting)
Matchy: Take this! (She throws a water balloon at Jasbre)
Jasbre: Ha! A water balloon? Seriously?
Matchy: That's not water. That's my semen.
Jasbre: Did you get it from--WAIT WHAT?!
Matchy: Exactly. GET HIM!!
(Purps and a beaten-up Polar come out of the shadows with brass knuckles and bulletproof armor)
Jasbre: Bulletproof armor?
CrazySponge: Not just any bullet-proof armor. It's bulletproof armor made from boxes!
(silence)
CrazySponge: o… uh… lots of layers of boxes?
Jasbre: So it's not bulletproof. I see. SHOOT 'EM DOWN, BOYS!!!
(The Looney Tunes begin shooting Purps and Polar, but their armor is indeed bulletproof. Purps and Polar then proceed to beat up the Looney Tunes)
Purps: If I would have known I would have been beating up Bugs Bunny when I was younger, I would have shat my pants.
Jasbre: What the-(He gets punched by CrazySponge, who is wielding a knife and is attempting to slit Jasbre's throat)
CrazySponge: End of the line, ugly duckling!
(The police burst through the door)
Police Officer: SBFW Police! You're all under arrest!
CrazySponge: WHAT?! You can't arrest me! I'm the CrazySponge! I made Hoopla's Fantastic Beach! Besides, the duck started it.
Jasbre: Son of a-
(Cut to the sockpuppet jail where Jasbre and Crazy are locked up)
Jasbre: Why are we in the sockpuppet jail if we didn't make any sockpuppets?
Guard: Because… uh… this is actually a jail for everyone.
CrazySponge: But the first episode said-
Guard: QUIET! Now, enjoy your time here.
(He walks away as Jasbre and CrazySponge look at each other)
CrazySponge: You know… Jasbre… it's kind of hard for me to say this… but…
Jasbre: Yes?
CrazySponge: Can I buy Jasbre Corp for-
Jasbre: NO!
(end)
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