SpongeBill SquarePants

SpongeBill SquarePants is CartoonGuy's Spin-Off Kings' Spin-Off Because Yes' first episode. It aired on December 15, 2020, was written by CartoonGuy277, and its theme was western.
== Transcript ==
[The episode starts with a shot of Bikini Gulch, where we see a long line of fish. The screen follows the line until it stops at Boot Hill, where it zooms on SpongeBuck SquarePants’ grave, which is near Pecos Patrick and a sponge, who are both sobbing]
Pecos Patrick: WHY?! OH, WHY’D IT HAVE TO BE HIM?! [sobs harder]
The sponge: Dad…...dad is dead……[keeps sobbing] WE WOULD ALWAYS PLAY SHERIFFS AGAINST CRIMINALS WHEN I WAS A KID! [sobs harder] HE’S BEING A SHERIFF IN HEAVEN NOW! [sobs even harder]
Pecos Patrick: *sniff* He is, SpongeBill, he is. And now…..*sniff*........now he’ll be watching over you, Sheriff SpongeBill SquarePants.
SpongeBill: Yeah, *sniff* he will. Wait, Sheriff SpongeBill SquarePants?
Pecos Patrick: [grabs SpongeBill] Listen, SpongeBill, I ain’t got much time left in this world, and I wanna tell ya: you’re your father’s son, you’ll be a great sheriff, and fry cook, ok?
SpongeBill: My father’s son…...yes, I can do this!
[Cut to SpongeBill knocking on a house’s door]
SpongeBill: Dad? Dad? Are you there? I kinda need your badges-oh. [goes into the house] Now, where are those badges? [goes up the stairs and into a bedroom] Ah, dad’s room. The memories…….so, dad died here, huh? [notices the sheriff badge and the fry cook badge in a chair and picks them up] Looks like you’re mine now! [he tries to put on the badges, but he fails, and the badges fall on his feet] AARGH! STUPID OL’ BA-I mean, [picks up the badges and puts them on] welcome!
[Cut to him coming out of the house slowly]
Fish: SpongeBuck? YOU’RE ALIVE?!
Fish 2: What’d you say?
Fish: SPONGEBUCK IS ALIVE!
Fish 3: No way!
Fish: EVERYONE, COME HERE, SPONGEBUCK IS ALIVE!
[Lots of fish surround SpongeBill and grab him]
All the fish: SPONGEBUCK! SPONGEBUCK! SPONGEBUCK!
SpongeBill: I-
Pecos Patrick: [comes running there] SPONGEBUCK?! WHERE IS HE?! I-[he notices SpongeBill] oh, that ain’t SpongeBuck.
Fish: What?
Pecos Patrick: That’s his son, the new sheriff, SpongeBill SquarePants.
Fish: He is?
SpongeBill: Yes, Pecos Patrick is right.
[The fish drop SpongeBill]
SpongeBill: I may not be SpongeBuck, but I am his son, and I’ll do my best to defend this town from rapscallions like Dead Eye Plankton, just like my father!
[All the fish cheer, then go away chanting “SPONGEBILL!”]
Pecos Patrick: You’ll do good, kid. You’ll do good. SPONGEBILL! SPONGEBILL! SPONGEBILL! [he goes away while still chanting]
SpongeBill: Ain’t that wonderful, badges? We’re already loved! Maybe I’ll get a statue too one day!
[bubble transition, SpongeBill is riding a coffin, but a sound is heard]
SpongeBill: Huh? [he turns around, and sees a tumbleweed] Oh, the ol’ tumbleweed. The answer to any suspicion a sherrif ever has.
[Everything is quiet for five seconds]
SpongeBill: Huh, there seems to be no criminals ‘round here. Maybe I should go back. [he rides his coffin offscreen, as the screen zooms in the tumbleweed, which quickly runs offscreen]
[Cut to SpongeBill riding his coffin]
Kid (offscreen): HELP! HELP ME!
SpongeBill: Huh? That kid needs help! [he rides his coffin towards the voice, but just finds a tumbleweed] A tumbleweed? Again? But I swear I heard a kid scream for help……..mmh. [he rides back to where he was before]
Kid (offscreen): I’M ROBBIN’ THIS PLACE AND THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ‘BOUT IT, BITCH!
SpongeBill: WHAT?! Ok, now I’ve definitely heard something! [rides his coffin towards the voice, but again, only finds a tumbleweed] What? But…...how? A tumbleweed? Again? Something’s wrong…….[he rides back to where he was before]
Kid (offscreen): I’M RIGHT BEHIND YOU, SPONGEBILL! IMMA SHOOT!
SpongeBill: WHAT WHAT WHAT?! [he slowly turns his head around, and again, sees a tumbleweed] WHAT?! HOW?! Okay, whoever is pranking me, stop it, I have work to do! [looks up] YOU HEAR ME?! [looks at the ground again, and sees the tumbleweed is gone] WHAT THE-
Kid (offscreen): SAY BYE TO SPONGEBUCK’S STATUE!
SpongeBill: OH NO YOU DON’T! [he turns around, and sees the tumbleweed next to SpongeBuck’s statue] AAAAARGH! [he jumps off his coffin, and kicks the tumbleweed, which hits SpongeBuck’s statue slightly, making a minuscule part of it fall out] WHAT?! NO! NO NO NO, THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING……..dad’s statue…...I……...I broke it……...oh, I am a terrible sheriff……...AARGH! WHAT DO I DO?! I JUST-AAAAARGH! WHY AM I YELLING! PEOPLE WILL KNOW ABO-THEY SHOULD KNO-NO THEY SHOULDN’T-AAAAAARGH! [he picks up the minuscule part and eats it] AAAAAARGH! WHY DID I DO-AAAARGH! [he runs offscreen, as the screen zooms in the tumbleweed]
[Cut to SpongeBill going into the Krusty Kantina and taking a seat, the bartender is a crab slightly different from William Krabs]
SpongeBill: Hi, Joseph.
Joseph: Howdy, SpongeBill! I mean, sheriff!
SpongeBill: I ain’t worthy of being called a sheriff.
Joseph: Uh, why the long face?
SpongeBill: Just give me a shot of milk, two percent.
Joseph: Ehem.
SpongeBill: [he gives him a few coins]
Joseph: Thank you! [he puts the coins in a bag of money and gives SpongeBill the milk]
SpongeBill: [drinks the milk] I’m a disappointment to dad.
Joseph: Mmh?
SpongeBill: Dad was such a great sheriff, and I…….*sigh*...........what made dad such a great sheriff?
Joseph: Well, me boy, you never came in here to make chili today, did you?
SpongeBill: What? No! What does that have to do with anythi-
Joseph: How do you expect to be a great sheriff when you don’t use your dad’s secret weapon?
SpongeBill: Secret weapon? What are you talking abo-
Joseph: Holy shit, you really are stupid! Look, your dad became a legend after beating ol’ Dead Eye Plankton, but he couldn’t just step on every rapscallion in town! No, he realised his chili was terrible, and used that to his advantage: he cooked it at the speed of light, like a good fry cook would, and fed it to his enemies, instantly defeating ‘em! Now THAT’S what made your dad a great sheriff! Me dad William used to tell me amazing stories about him…….
SpongeBill: You mean…….the key to being a great sheriff is making terrible chili?
Joseph: Exactly! Now you’re getting it! Now, go make some terrible chili!
SpongeBill: Will do! [he goes to the Krusty Kantina’s kitchen]
Joseph: Heh, good thing he didn’t realize he doesn’t have to pay. You’re a smart one, Joseph Krabs.
[Cut to a montage of SpongeBill making chili, then cut to SpongeBill seated in front of Joseph again, with chili in his hands, which he feeds to Joseph]
Joseph: [spits the chili out back in the bowl of chili] Disgustingly perfect!
SpongeBill: Ew.
Pecos Patrick (offscreen): AAAAARGH! HELP! HELP!
SpongeBill: Pecos Patrick?
[Cut to Pecos Patrick riding a coffin quickly while a tumbleweed chases him]
Pecos Patrick: BACK OFF! [he turns around and sees the tumbleweed getting closer] I SAID BACK-[the tumbleweed jumps on Pecos Patrick’s face, making him fall out of his coffin] GET OFF ME! [the tumbleweed rolls on Pecos Patrick’s face] AAAAAARGH! MY FACE! [he cries] NOW I NEED TO TAKE MYSELF TO A HOSPITAL BECAUSE OF THIS MANIAC!
SpongeBill (offscreen): I’M COMING, PECOS PATRICK!
Pecos Patrick: SpongeBill?
[The tumbleweed stops moving as SpongeBill gets near Pecos Patrick and gets out of the coffin]
SpongeBill: What happened?
Pecos Patrick: THIS CRIMINAL CHASED ME DOWN AND NOW IS ON TOP OF MEEEEE!
SpongeBill: ……...That’s a tumblewe-........a tumble-.........a………...A TUMBLEWEED?! I’M GONNA GET YA! [he tries to catch the tumbleweed, but it runs away before he can catch it so he hurts his head against Pecos Patrick’s belly] AAARGH!
Pecos Patrick: Hee hee, that tickled!
SpongeBill: Where is it?! [he notices the tumbleweed running away] Oh no you don’t! [he starts riding his coffin towards the tumbleweed]
Pecos Patrick: I’m a-comin’! [gets on his coffin and rides it beside SpongeBill]
SpongeBill: Take this! [gets some chili from the coffin and throws it at the tumbleweed]
[The tumbleweed stops, and eating sounds are heard. Spitting sounds are then heard, and a kid who is a plankton-cactus hybrid jumps out of the tumbleweed and in the air]
Plankton-cactus hybrid: AAARGH! [falls on the floor] DISGUSTING! ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING!
[SpongeBill and Pecos Patrick arrive near the hybrid on their coffins]
Plankton-cactus hybrid: Uh oh. [he tries to go back to the tumbleweed, but Pecos Patrick kicks the tumbleweed away before he can get in it] AARGH!
SpongeBill: Stay right where you are, you…….erm……..
Plankton-cactus hybrid: My name is Dead Eye Chip!
SpongeBill and Pecos Patrick: *gasp* DEAD EYE CHIP?!
Dead Eye Chip: That’s right, I’m Dead Eye Plankton’s son! And I’ll avenge him by bringing chaos to Bikini Gulch! Or should I say…...Dead Eye Gulch!
Pecos Patrick: AAARGH! THE FLASHBACKS!
SpongeBill: Wait, why are you half-cactus?
Dead Eye Chip: My mother is a cactus, of course! Dead Eye Karen!
Pecos Patrick: Dead Eye Plankton impregnated a cactus?
SpongeBill: Listen buddy, there’s a special place for criminals like you, and that place is prison!
Dead Eye Chip: You can’t arrest me, I’m a kid!
SpongeBill: There’s a prison for kids too!
Dead Eye Chip: *gulp* Juvie?
SpongeBill: No……
[Cut to Dead Eye Chip in a classroom, where he’s beaten up by a strong kid]
Teacher: You two, go to the principal’s office!
Dead Eye Chip: WHAT?! [he runs to a window in the classroom, and looks at the outside world] GET ME OUT OF HERE!
[Cut back to Bikini Gulch, where SpongeBill, Pecos Patrick, and Joseph Krabs outside the Krusty Kantina]
Joseph: Well SpongeBill, I think that, today, a star was born.
Pecos Patrick: Let’s make a golden statue for him too!
Joseph: Erm, we’re kinda out of gold.
Pecos Patrick: Aaaw.
Joseph: But……..[he goes into the Krusty Kantina, and comes out with a bowl of chili that has a chili SoongeBill in it]
SpongeBill: …...Gee, thanks!
Pecos Patrick: [licks the chili]
SpongeBill: Well, I know what chili I’ll be using next time.
Category:Episodes
Category:2020
Category:2020 Episodes
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Category:CartoonGuy277
Category:CartoonGuy's Spin-Off Kings' Spin-Off Because Yes
Category:CartoonGuy's Spin-Off Kings' Spin-Off Because Yes episodes
Category:2020s
Category:Episodes written by CartoonGuy277