Welp, Here Goes Nothing

"Welp, Here Goes Nothing" is the fourth episode of Season 1 and the fourth overall episode of Bikini Bottom Baseball. 
==Characters==
*SpongeBob SquarePants
*Squidward Tentacles
*Patrick Star
*Eugene H. Krabs
*Sheldon Plankton
*Sandy Cheeks
*Larry the Lobster
*Fred Rechid
*Nat Peterson
*Sandals
*Perch Perkins
*Johnny Krill
*Carl
*Umpire
*Announcer
==Synopsis==
It's the Blue Jay's first game, but the team is still far from their best. Can a young, injury-ridden team surprise the league as the underdogs?
==Transcript==
[episode starts with the team hanging out with each other on the bus ride to the game. Krabs is drawing up the game plan, the rest of the team is already trying to warm up, Plankton is flexing the fact that he’s not getting squished as easily, and Squidward and SpongeBob are laying in agony.]’’
SpongeBob: Hey, coach, is there any chance that we play today?
Mr. Krabs: Does the pope shit in the woods?
SpongeBob: Sir, we’re playing the Oceanville Orioles. Our rookies won’t stand a chance against those giants. [everyone on the bus gasps and circles around SpongeBob]
Larry: Are you UNDERESTIMATING US?!
Sandy: Are you A SEXIST?!
Patrick: Am I still on CONCUSSION PROTOCOL?!
SpongeBob: Alright, half of you are coming off of injuries, three of you literally joined the team “yesterday,” and the Orioles are a combo of every great major league player ever.
Mr. Krabs: Pfft. They probably aren’t even here. Too scared to see our tea- [gasps as the bus arrives at the Oceanville stadium. The camera shows the Orioles warming up. Every player is huge and is proven to be amazing at baseball. Their coach is sharing the gameplan with some of the players.]
Everyone except for Mr. Krabs: Can we go home?
Mr. Krabs: So they’re experienced. But remember, this is the same team who went 2-18 last season. 
SpongeBob: And both of their wins were against us…
Mr. Krabs: Don’t remind me.
[the Blue Jays take the field to practice before the game.]
Mr. Krabs: Squidward, I think you’re fine...
Squidward: Woo-hoo!
Mr. Krabs: ...enough to hit some fungos.
Squidward: Aww. [Squidward hits the ball towards third base, but he only hits the ball a few feet, so Sandals has to run all the way in to field the ball. And as he hits them progressively farther, the fielders do worse. Krabs is watching the practice while the other team’s coach greets him.]
Orioles’ Coach: Ah, Eugene. I didn’t think you could have a worse team than you had last year!
Mr. Krabs: I’ll have you know, Carl, that we have worked extremely hard everyday for nearly 2 years.
Carl: That’s because Dan hasn’t written an episode since…
Mr. Krabs: SHUT UP! DON’T REMIND ME!
Carl: Alright, well, let me show you my team, huh?
Mr. Krabs: [laughs] Can’t wait to see these losers. 
[cuts to the Orioles on the field. The guy who hits the fungos hits an accidental home run nearly every time, and when they actually work, the fielder makes a clean play and an accurate, speed-blazing throw to the base.]
Carl: Alright, gentlemen. I’ve seen enough. [turns to Krabs] Good luck, Eugene. You’re gonna need it. 
Mr. Krabs: Damn it. [the US national anthem is being played right before the game starts. The anthem is being sung by Yvng $crz.]
Umpire: Oh wait, we’re not in America. Okay, let’s just start the game. [the Orioles pitcher is waiting as Larry steps to the plate.]
Larry: I’ve been looking forward to this!
Mr. Krabs: [whispers from 3rd base] Psst! Larry! Get your signs! [starts doing random motions]
Larry: I don’t know what those mean. We didn’t go over signs.
Mr. Krabs: Just hit the goddamn ball.
Announcer: Up first for the Blue Jays, number 3, Larry the Lobster! [Krabs and Carl exchange dirty looks as the pitcher is in his windup. It’s a curveball that Larry misses. Strike one. The next pitch is a fastball that Larry just tips off for a foul ball and strike two. The next pitch looks to be low and outside of the strike zone, so Larry doesn’t swing. However, the umpire calls strike three.]
Larry: Are you fricking kidding? That was a ball, you blind r****d!
Umpire: I will throw you out if you keep talking to me like that. No one argues balls and strikes with me.
Larry: Actually, there is someone who argues balls and strikes with you. Your boyfriend!
Umpire: Young man, I will tell you that I am 100% straight. I have a girlfriend.
Larry: You mean the one who was blowin’ me last night? I’m her daddy, now.
Umpire: That’s it! YOU’RE OUT OF HERE! [Larry walks away as Krabs looks in surprise and in fear. Larry mumbles something as he heads back into the locker room.]
[cuts to the bottom of the first. Johnny Krill is the starting pitcher in place of Squidward. The very first pitch he throws is crushed by the batter for an early 1-0 lead for the Orioles. Krabs sighs]
Mr. Krabs: What a FANTASTIC start!
Squidward: [whispers] Psst, Sponge! I’ve got an idea!
SpongeBob: What?
Squidward: Let’s rig the game so our team does awful!
SpongeBob: Why? Don’t you want to win?
Squidward: Yes, exactly! If these guys do so bad, Krabs will have no choice but to sub us in. Then we’ll win!
SpongeBob: Ah… I’m in. [the two share an evil laugh as Krabs views the game in anger. A montage of the team doing badly is shown over SpongeBob and Squidward laughing. Everyone down the lineup strikes out and only a few players make contact. Johnny Krill keeps throwing slow fastballs that either end up 10 feet out of the zone or right in the zone for a dinger. Sandy and Sandals make a few good plays in the field, but Plankton keeps getting crushed by the ball when trying to catch it at first base. In the outfield, easy fly balls are missed and lead to doubles and triples. All of this happens while Squidward and SpongeBob are laughing. Krabs finally lets go.]
Mr. Krabs: Oh, I see! I see! Losing is funny to you, heh? It’s so funny, isn’t it? Hardy har har. Well let’s see how funny you think it is to play the rest of the game by yourselves. Just you two for the last 4 innings.
SpongeBob: [whispers] Well, at least we didn’t have to rig the game.
Squidward: Coach, this is ridiculous. Do you want to win? 
Mr. Krabs: Yes, but if you guys think it’s funny to get blown out, then knock yourselves out. [fakes walking away] Nah, I’m just kidding. I’ll just sub you guys in for Plankton and Krill. But you guys better step up [calls a huddle. It’s about to be them top of the 6th. Orioles lead 20-2. SpongeBob gets sent out to the field to hit.]
SpongeBob: [whispers] I’ve been waiting for this. [gets in his stance at the plate. The first pitch is a curveball to the outside corner that SpongeBob looks at for strike one. The pitcher throws the same pitch a little higher and gets him to swing for strike two.]
Mr. Krabs: Psst! SpongeBob! Work the count!
SpongeBob: Yes, sir! [SpongeBob fouls off the next pitch to stay alive, and the next four after that are balls just missing the zone for a walk. SpongeBob is on first with Squidward up at the plate.]
Mr. Krabs: Wait for your pitch, Squid.
Squidward: I’m not patient. [Squidward hacks at the first pitch, which is a fastball down the middle. The ball lands just inside the park and leads to SpongeBob scoring. Krabs signals Squidward to home too, where he leaps over the catcher to barely be safe.]
Announcer: Inside the park home run for Squidward Tentacles!
Mr. Krabs: That was perfect! If only we weren’t down by 16… [the Blue Jays bat around in the inning, which leads to a 20-10 score in the middle of the 6th. The Jays lead a 1-2-3 inning, leading to a 7th inning where they cut the lead to 20-15. It cuts to the middle of the 8th where the game is all tied up, 20-20.]
Mr. Krabs: I don’t know how you did it, boys, but you cut the came back from an 18 run deficit. But there’s still a lot of game to be played. Squidward, SpongeBob, good job playing through your injuries. Let’s take the field.
[Squidward is on the mound as he doesn’t feel any pressure at the moment. This leads him to walk 3 batters in just 15 pitches, loading the bases and leading to Patrick running to the mound.]
Patrick: Squid, the pressure is on. Just calm down and throw strikes.
Squidward: You’re making me uncalm, Patrick. Just manipulate your catches to make it look like it’s in the zone.
Patrick: Eh, whatever. [cuts to the next batter]
Announcer: Up for the Orioles, Fish Davis!
Squidward: Oh, this guy? He hasn’t had a hit in his last 54 at bats. This should be an easy triple play. [the first pitch is a fastball down the middle that is crushed by Davis. The ball goes well out of the park, and the Orioles are back on top, 24-20.] Of course I was the one who he broke his streak off of. [the Jays get through the rest of the 8th with the score at 26-20.]
Mr. Krabs: Guys, what the hell happened out there? You let the game slip again!
Squidward: That was on me, coach. 
Mr. Krabs: Well, at least SOMEONE has taken some responsibility for tonight’s downfalls. [turns to the rest of the team] 6 runs may seem insurmountable, but trust me. We can do this without Larry. We can do this with some minor injuries. We can beat someone who we’re not supposed to beat. Let’s do this!
Whole Team: YES SIR! [walks away with pride]
Mr. Krabs: Wait, they actually believed that bullcrap? People are so gullible these days. [they’re towards the bottom of the order, with Fred up first. He works a 3-0 count and swings on the 4th pitch - a double to the center field wall.]
Fred: Wow! I got a hit and I didn’t even break my leg! [the throw from center field hits Fred’s leg on the way, leading to him falling down] MY LEG! [Sandals is up next, as he hits a triple to deep right field towards the line on an 0-2 pitch. Fred scores.]
Mr. Krabs: We’re cooking! [the next two hitters, Scooter and Nat, strike out, and the Jays are down to their final out. Sandals, however, stole home on a wild pitch. 26-22 score. Krabs and the rest of the team gulps. However, Patrick, Harold, and Squidward all get base hits, leading to SpongeBob coming up with bases loaded, down by 4, with two outs.]
Mr. Krabs: No pressure, boy! Only the game’s on the line.
SpongeBob: Right. [SpongeBob looks at the first three pitches, all of them balls. He feels pretty confident until a pitch hits the low inside corner for strike one. He fouls off the 3-1 pitch, which goes out of the park in the left field foul territory.]
Mr. Krabs: Damn it. That would’ve tied the game.
SpongeBob: Get it together, Sponge. This is where legends are made. [the pitch comes in slow motion down the middle, and SpongeBob drills it. It bounces into foul territory from right field, far from the right fielder. SpongeBob sprints around the bases. Patrick, Harold, and Squidward all score. SpongeBob is still round the bases, and when he approaches third, Krabs signals him home.]
Mr. Krabs: Come on, boyyo! You have time!
SpongeBob: I’ve got this. [the ball is thrown in from the cutoff, as he fires a laser toward the catcher. SpongeBob sees the ball in the catcher’s glove and slides down, trying to swiftly avoid the tag. It seems close but SpongeBob is confident that he got under it.]
Umpire: [takes a moment, as he makes the sign of an out] OUT! [SpongeBob gasps as the Orioles are celebrating their win.]
SpongeBob: WHAT?! THAT’S HOW WE’RE GONNA LOSE? WHAT KIND OF UMP ARE YOU?!
Umpire: You were out by a mile, son. Watch it or you’ll be suspended for the next game.
SpongeBob: [sighs] Alright, I understand.
Mr. Krabs: [still shocked by the call] Boy! Why did you get out?
SpongeBob: You told me to run, you red fatass. This is on you!
Mr. Krabs: You didn’t have to listen to me!
SpongeBob: You would’ve gotten pissed if I didn’t!
Mr. Krabs: I’m pissed that you did!
SpongeBob: You know what? [turns to rest of team] We lost. We need to move on and practice hard. That was a tough game to lose, but we have a resilient team that can bounce off of it. Guys, let’s fight hard. We have 19 games left. Who cares if we fail once? 
Mr. Krabs: [raises hand] I do. [turns to team] Practice tomorrow at 6. Don’t be late. [turns back to SpongeBob] Thanks for being a leader.
SpongeBob: Don’t mention it. [episode ends]
Category:Bikini Bottom Baseball
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