Eat, Spray, Linda

"" is the eighteenth episode in Season 5, being the eighty-fifth episode overall.
==Plot==
It's Linda's birthday and Bob Belcher needs more time to plan her birthday surprise. But when he sends her out of the house as a distraction, she goes missing! Mayhem ensues as the Belchers must work together to find Linda Belcher.
== Full Story ==
The episode starts with Linda waking up upset because it's her 44th birthday, and she thinks she's turning too old. Tina, Gene, and Louise try to cheer her up by giving Linda her traditional birthday breakfast in bed and complimenting her appearance, telling their mom how young she looks. While the kids do this, Bob amateurishly makes a homemade spa day with only everyday household ingredients. He doesn't want Linda to know what he's planning, so Bob sends his wife grocery shopping to distract her, and also he forgot to do so yesterday. He tells her to go to Patterson Farms, or the 'good store,' because it's further away, and it lets Linda pamper herself on her birthday.
While driving to Patterson Farms, Linda speaks to Ginger about how her birthday is going until she sees the Chalk of the Town Chalk Festival, expressing irritation because the event takes up the entire road that would've allowed Linda to take a shortcut.
At the checkout lane, she vents her annoyance at how long it's taking for the line to move. When a checkout clerk announced they could help the excess people in Linda's line, Linda became further irritated because when she moved to the unoccupied cashier's lane, a woman initially behind Linda skipped in front of her. When Linda confronts her, the woman suggests they won't take long since they claim they aren't buying many items, but for a Linda who's ever-increasing in impatience, it doesn't matter. Linda hopes that the cashier will finish the woman's things quickly, but when the woman and the cashier realize that they know each other, the two strangers begin making small talk, and Linda's expectations get crushed. While overhearing their conversation, Linda learns that the woman's name is Deirdre and that she's an organizer of the Chalk of the Town festival, peeving Linda off even more. The cashier also told Deirdre that she should get the 'better' cups instead of the ones she wanted to buy. This bugs Linda even further because Deirdre listens and goes out of line while the cashier waits for Deirdre to get the cups and another pack of ice. When the cashier finishes bagging Deirdre's items, he suggests reading Deirdre's receipt to see how much she's saved. That ticks Linda off, and she orders them to hurry up. When Deirdre leaves, Linda sneers to the cashier if they finally finished, so the cashier tells Linda that he has to put Deirdre's old cups back, punishing Linda even further.
When the cashier finished checking out Linda's items, Linda furiously power walked to her car with her items in her shopping cart while muttering. When she arrives at her car, she sees two other cars blocking her doors, making her day even worse. Meanwhile, the kids and Bob are still trying to set up Linda's spa day at the Belcher's. They remark that this will be Linda's best birthday, but at the same time, Linda's day gets worse as she drops an orange from one of her bags. When Linda bends down to reach it underneath her car, gum gets stuck in her hair and hands. She retrieves the orange and puts it back in her back. Linda then sidles to her driver's seat in the tight space between her car and the big car parallel to it. Linda accidentally rips her pants while trying to enter her vehicle, startling her and making her drop her keys and phone in the car without her being in. The vehicle locks automatically, and she's unable to open the car, so she goes back to the store and asks the same cashier if she could use their phone to call Bob. He says that only employees can use it, so Linda says she will ask the customers at the store. The cashier says that Linda can't do that and then mocks Linda by asking if she knows that she ripped her pants, so Linda puts a plastic bag between her legs so that she can cover up her pants. With chewed-up gum everywhere on her and a plastic bag around her hip, people mistake her for a homeless person, making it difficult for Linda to get help.
When Bob and the kids finish setting up the spa day, Bob decides to call Linda on their landline, but Linda can't pick up since she doesn't have her phone. He asks Gayle if she knows where Linda is, but that doesn't help, and he realizes that something happened to Linda. Bob calls Teddy so Bob, the kids, and Teddy can all go to the store together to find Linda.
Linda leaves the store and goes to a bus stop. She tells Andrew, the bus driver, about her situation, and he agrees to drive Linda on the condition that she pays them when Linda gets home. When it was too late, and they were on the highway, she discovered the bus wasn't returning home. Linda had to wait until they got to a stop even further from her home before he could return. When the bus driver tells Linda that it will take an hour and a half for the bus to go to the stop and then back home to where Linda is, Linda decides that she will walk home once they're at the bus stop. Linda doesn't need to pay since Andrew didn't take Linda home.
Meanwhile, the rest of the Belchers and Teddy find Linda's car at the store without Linda. They see that Linda left her phone, purse, and keys inside the vehicle and figure that she must've gone somewhere after Bob asks the cashier Linda where she went. The kids all have different ideas about where Linda is at. Gene thinks she's at Devendorf's Bakery, which he and Linda go to without letting Bob know. Tina believes Linda's at a grand hotel those two would go to for its fancy bathrooms. Linda wasn't at the bakery or the hotel.
While they're going to all these locations, Linda's birthday gets worse as she gets sprayed by either one skunk twice or two skunks once, but she manages to hail a horse farmer who drives Linda back to Ocean Avenue in the cargo container of their truck. Linda finally gets close to home, but she has to go through the Chalk of the Town Festival street to get there as soon as possible. Deirdre from the checkout lane denies Linda from going through the road because of how Linda treated her, but Linda ignores Deirdre. Linda runs through the street while being chased by Deirdre after ruining Deirdre's chalk art. At the end of the road, Deirdre gives up.
Seeing how Linda wasn't at either of Gene or Tina's locations, Louise says that Linda might be at a pet store where she brought Louise to cuddle with the puppies. Linda wasn't here either, but at the pet store, they realized that someone should've stayed home in case Linda came home since she didn't have any keys. Teddy drives Bob and the kids home, where they see Linda, who climbed up the fire escape ladder at the back of the building. Linda notices the things that Bob and the kids prepared for Linda for her spa day. In addition to things they prepared for Linda's day, they also made a tomato bath to remove Linda's skunk smell.
Bob tells Linda how he learned new things about Linda after visiting all the places she went with the kids individually. Linda tells Bob that this was the best birthday ever because she overcame a difficult journey, and her accomplishment proved that she was still young.
==Cast==
Starring
*H. John Benjamin as Bob
*Dan Mintz as Tina
*Eugene Mirman as Gene
*Larry Murphy as Teddy
*John Roberts as Linda
*Kristen Schaal as Louise
Also Starring
*Drew Droege as Deidre (spelled incorrectly in credits)
*Todd Barry as Checker
*Seth Morris as Baker
*Jordan Peele as Hotel Security Guard
==Videos==
Bob And The Kids Make Linda's Hair Treatment Season 5 Ep. 18 BOB'S BURGERS
Bob And The Kids Pull Off Linda's Birthday Season 5 Ep. 18 BOB'S BURGERS
Everything Goes Wrong For Linda On Her Birthday Season 5 Ep. 18 BOB'S BURGERS
==External links==
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de:Eat, Spray, Linda
Category:Episodes
Category:Season 5 Episodes
Category:Episodes Written by Jon Schroeder
Category:Episodes Directed by Tyree Dillihay
Category:5ASA Episodes
Category:2015 Episodes