Beef Malarky

Beef Malarky is a character played by D4N1ELLE.
== General Information==
Beef Malarky is a Fast Track Cadet for the Los Santos Sheriff's Department/Greater Elysian Exiled Sheriff's Department, Badge #2-O-04.
Beef is a goofy little Southern woman and former detective who hates men and loves hamsters.
Having arrived in the city in January 2024 with very little planned, Beef only got as far as considering going camping with her husband Franklin Malarky in his motor home. When asked, she was unsure about whether or not she would rejoin the police force, as it had been a long time since she was a working officer and she missed her partner, "Jenkies", who she used to do "da investigasheys" with before he "got boobies" and transitioned to live her best life. Beef later found out from Deputy Veronica Wilson that Frank Jenkins was actually there in the city, sans-boobs and living as a man.
==Physical Description==
Beef is a white woman with brightly coloured shoulder-length hair that gradiates from a bright pink at the roots to a coral orange at the tips. She wears a leopard print sleeveless top with blue jean shorts and sandals. On her left inner forearm she has a black linework tattoo of a bone like the ones dogs chew on.
==Background Information==
Beef used to be a very successful detective, but her thriving career came to a pause when she had to return home to take care of her sick parents. Unfortunately, both passed away while she was looking after them. Her mother was killed first, by accident in a tragic train crash. Her father later fell down the stairs in his wheelchair and cracked his head open on the concrete floor, passing away instantly on impact and leaving blood everywhere. The amount of time she had to take off work and the loss of her parents resulted in Beef losing her "mojo" in her job. Her best friend, and later husband, supported her through this time.
==Momentous Dates within the Government==
===Grapeseed Sheriff's Department/Greater Elysian Exiled Sheriff's Department===
Rank 	Insignia	Note 	Date
Fast Track Cadet	 	Passed Interview conducted by Cpt. James Gamble, Lt. William Cole, Sgts. Brock Bauer & Veronica Wilson, and Senior Deputies Amelia Casanova & Nikov Time	October 28th, 2024
Fast Track Cadet	 	Onboarded as a Fast Track Cadet; Badge #2-G-04, for the Grapeseed Sheriff's Department 	October 29th, 2024
Fast Track Cadet	 	Joined the Murrieta Oil Fields Sheriff's Office; Badge #2-O-04 	November 19th, 2024
Fast Track Cadet	 	Renamed to the Greater Elysian Exiled Sheriff's Department 	November 20th, 2024
==Relationships==
Franklin Malarky
Beef and Franklin Malarky met as police officers in "da same departies" (the same department). They stayed in touch when Franklin was deported while Beef kept on working, and eventually met back up. He supported her through the tragic loss of her parents, and the pair were best friends.
Beef decided to marry Franklin 3 or 4 years before coming to San Andreas in order to get health insurance for her back surgery, and because of their close friendship.
"He my best friend and I don't like anybody else, so I said fuck it I'll marry Frankie if I can get da health insurance." — Beef Malarky
The two were first married in a church, as Franklin's "religious yahoo" parents insisted. Beef wore her mother-in-law's wedding dress in the ceremony - a puffy-sleeved, ill-fitting, retro gown from the 90s. However, the size of the dress did enable her to wear her crocs under it, since nobody would be able to see her feet under all the loose fabric.
Their marriage is built on a foundation of platonic love, with little physical affection, but it works for them. They don't touch each other at all, excepting a hug every once in a while. Beef is happy in her marriage, and says that it's perfect for her because she doesn't like men.
"He my best friend and I tell him all my secret." — Beef Malarky
Apparently, Franklin is under the impression that Beef will "get da preggernants, like how Jesus did" despite their lack of sexual intimacy. When Lou Caruso suggested they were doing, or should do, artificial insemination, Beef shut it down, saying she wasn't gonna put a turkey baster in her asshttps://clips.twitch.tv/NastyResourcefulSandstormPMSTwin-ea4bqjc1PuhNJygm.
"He seems to think I'm gonna do da immaculate conception." — Beef Malarky
Beef and Franklin renewed their vows on February 5th, 2024 to make their union official in the State of San Andreas. The marriage certificate process was facilitated at the Grapeseed church by Justice Gavin Joy and Judge Nora Dupres.
The Malarkys' marriage license, as shown on Beef's phone.
In attendance at the vow renewal ceremony were a number of Franklin's coworkers, including Madeline Gumtree, Lieutenants Harold StockHerd Well and Lou Caruso, Rodney Atkins, dispatchers Wesley Denton and Thea Everheart, best man Joe Ferraro, and Beef's EMS-turned-sheriff's-deputy old friend Veronica Wilson. Latecomers to the ceremony included Lana Gray, Archie Fyfe, Shep Winters, and Blu Wipz carried by Brooklyn Baker.
After the paperwork was taken care of, proceedings began. Nora spoke about the significance of marriage, and confirmed that the bride and groom wished to reaffirm their commitment to each other. She asked the couple to join hands, and spoke about how their beloved hamster Justin Timberlakes was happily looking down on themhttps://clips.twitch.tv/InexpensiveSillyAmazonNerfRedBlaster-JLD1np6-prObc9x_.
In the middle of the ceremony, Beef spoke her vows from the hearthttps://clips.twitch.tv/AssiduousFineJaguarSeemsGood-L4_tRn_PLlTu9ffC, and Franklin performed his by way of song. He serenaded his wife and onlookers with the entirety of Marvin Gaye's 'Ain't No Mountain High Enough'https://clips.twitch.tv/EnticingIncredulousElkTwitchRaid-1x1QDGvV1wa_6o5fhttps://clips.twitch.tv/RelatedCuteArtichokeBCouch-faRdjl9oVyLIjpWa. The two then shared a chaste hug as they were pronounced husband and wife.
Beef and Franklin hugging to celebrate their re-marriage.
This wedding was the first to be performed at the Grapeseed church.
Justin Timberlakes I - IV
Throughout her adult life, Beef has had several pets - all hamsters, named Justin Timberlakes.
Justin Timberlakes the First † drowned after falling out of Beef's backpack while on a cruise. Distraught, she nearly got herself arrested wandering the ship and walking into restricted areas. Luckily, she was able to talk her way out of the situation and the crew even gave her some materials to commemorate the loss of her pet. She made an arrangement from flowers given to her and tossed it overboard in memory of her poor hamster.
Justin Timberlakes the Second † was the only girl in the line of Timberlakes hamsters. She used to stay with Beef in her shirt pocket, and was killed when Beef tripped and fell forwards, landing hard on her front. The little creature was crushed by the impact, splattered in her pocket.
Justin Timberlakes the Third † was killed by Franklin. Having not noticed the furry friend's presence, Franklin stepped on him with his work boots. This incident did not stop Beef from marrying Franklin afterwards.
Justin Timberlakes the Fourth † died of natural causes, at 2 and a half years old. The first of his name to reach old age, he passed more peacefully than any who came before him.
Quimbley Hayabusa
Beef and Quimbley have a strained relationship. Beef thinks poorly of her Auntie Q, reacting very negatively when she found out that someone she really cared for, Frank Jenkins, was involved with her.
"Ohhhhhh. She gonna kill all of you. Oh my god. Oh she's a psychopath, Auntie Quimbley's crazy!" — Beef Malarky
She believes that her aunt is dangerous and likely to cause the death of those who involve themselves with her. Beef lamented the loss of Uncle Jerry, Q's late husband, and fears the same fate will meet her good friend Jenkins.
==Trivia==
* Dislikes being called "Mrs. Malarky", as it's too formal.
*Once caught a serial killer who was eventually executed by firing squad.
*Refers to menstrual periods as "the moon time."
*Used to live next door to a pig farm, where they also had cows for "da milkies."
*Loves puppies and wants to pet them.
*Was told by her husband that she's not allowed to touch him because "it's a sin in the eyes of da Lord."
*Doesn't like men, thinks they "ruin your life".
==Quotes==
*"I like to be out in da dirt and da sand and da sun."
*"My papa loved steak and beers, god rest his soul."
*"Offroad! Woohoo! Wheee!"
*"Sometimes I just want to wear a pair of overalls and run around in da street."
==Gallery==
==References==