Bugle FanFiction

Andy: Hey Buglers, I'm Andy here in the mens bathroom at the Bear Flesh nightclub in hull, and sitting on my lap is John Oliver.
John: Hi buglers. I hope your having a wonderful week. I bumped into Biggy Smalls and Buddy Holly in my local walk in meat freezer, they didn't let me out until I'd tasted some peppered sausage.
Andy: Well that sounds fun, I personally have been doing something unbelievably tedious with a cricket bat, or one of my stupid kids. This is bugle 969... Wait, sixty-nine? does that sound right to you John?
John: It feels right, so how can it be wrong?
Andy: Well this is the 26th February 2050 and this day only 526 years ago Pope Spandex 1st revealed his brand new papal body-suit. And 153 years ago to the minute a Jewish teacher in Austria miss pronounced the name of one of his pupils, declaring: 'Whats the answer to number 4 Shitler?' and the rest is history. This is an audio-newspaper for a digital world, and like all newspapers some parts go straight in the bin. This week it's an audio token for illicit relations with the partner of your choice, or ownership of any single landmass. In hindsight I should have probably held onto those, still je ne regrette rien. Also, in the bin, an audio poster of historical figures of the 21st century! In the middle, there's Michael Jackson's head, and there's line's coming out to different heads, including Bruce Forsyth MBE CBE OBE KOBE LOBE BOOBE, Dame Helen Zaltzman the 2nd, and Mr John Oliver! It must be down to your brilliant film career John.
John: Let's just say Transformers 4 wouldn't have been the same without me.
Andy: -giggles- And as a special treat for you listeners, John and I will finally duet on 'Lift Us Up When We Belong', at the end of this Bugle.
John: Me me me me Me me me me meeeeeeeee... Got to warm up your vocal chords Andy...
Fuck you Chris