Corin Deeth III (episode)

"Corin Deeth III" is the premiere episode of Kakos Industries.
== Synopsis ==
In which a new CEO is introduced, preparations for the annual shareholders' ball are made, the Adult Entertainment Branch has exciting news, and the Division of Philosophical Sabotage has achieved something they've been after for years.
== Summary ==
Corin Deeth III opens the announcements as CEO of Kakos Industries. Corin briefly describes the mission of Kakos Industries—providing profit to their shareholders by helping other companies "Do Evil Better—before warning listeners that the announcements are strictly for Kakos Industries Shareholders. 
=== Radio ===
The broadcast comes via an Odd Little Radio by the Odd Little Radio company, which was delivered to shareholder through their incoming projectiles window. Shareholders are warned that if they are listening to the broadcast on any device other than an Odd Little Radio, they should drink the "simple solution" in their Shareholders' emergency response kit.
=== Shareholders' Ball ===
Corin outlines the upcoming Shareholders' Ball. The ball will take place in the ballroom in the basement of the Kakos Industries main branch. The costume theme is Quasar, and the buffet features roasted condor with a raspberry glaze, giraffe sous vide, and bear arms. The Cirque du SoWeird touring show provides entertainment. Following the entertainment is the traditional blood orgy, which is chocolate orange bovine flavored and provided by Smith's Gourmet Drippings.
=== Division updates ===
The Adult Entertainment Branch has discovered a new human orifice called the new hole. Corin clarifies that the hole "has always been there," but can be installed for a fee. The Division of Propagating Propaganda is concocting a viral ad campaign to sell the new hole. A starlet has been acquired and will be using the new hole in an upcoming sex tape. The AEB has also begun working on several new erotic videos featuring the hole, such as "Brave New Hole."
The Culinary Branch have discovered heavier calories. These calories are heavier and larger than normal calories, thereby preventing weight loss.
The Division of Punditry invented a new fallacy, the "Appeal to Equine Sensibility."
The Tautology Division has a new tautology: "Evil is Evil."
The Division of Philosophical Sabotage has created Denny, a human brain entirely immersed in a fake digital reality.
=== Meany Imp Inc. ===
Corin confirms that Meany Imp Inc. has ceased its partnership with Kakos Industries. Further, they do not appear to be using Kakos' largest competitor, though they have continued "nefarious operations." Paul Meaney, CEO of Meany Imp Inc., accused Kakos and their competitor of price fixing. Corin confirmed that Kakos price fixes with their largest competitor to demonstrate their experience in price fixing to their clients. He also filled Meany Imp Inc.'s headquarters with GMO raid chimps, which have probably killed all employees in the building.
=== Working with the devil ===
Corin responds to accusations that Kakos Industries works with the devil. He says that while it is known that there is no god, it is less clear whether or not the devil exists. However, since a portion of Kakos' earnings is derived from leasing the souls of most people on the planet, Kakos prefers to acquire souls through proper legal channels rather than stealing or bargaining for them.
=== The office romance ===
In response to listener interest in romantic subplots, Corin has begun an office romance. The romance involves Kara Smith and Billy Wessler. Corin plans to have the Division of Pop send Kara and Billy poetry and love letters, signed from the other, to manufacture a romance between them. 
=== Things We’re Taking Credit For Now ===
* Licorice jelly beans
* The French Revolution
* The sickest drop you've ever heard
=== Ruin-a-Life Drawing ===
Thomas Andriesen wins the Ruin-a-Life Drawing, causing his nemesis Gary Walla's life to be ruined. Gary will never have enough toilet paper to feel completely clean. Thomas Andriesen will be kicked in the balls by a skinhead.
=== Numbers ===
1827123,451221844 and ½13/31111827
== External links ==
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Category:Episodes