CrazySponge Died: The Episode

CrazySponge Died: The Episode is the sixth episode of Season One of The World of SBFW.
==Transcript==
[Episode begins with CrazySponge in his bed sleeping]
CrazySponge (in his sleep): wow jeesbra you're so kind i can't believe you're… you're letting me have--
[His Hoopla-shaped alarm clock goes off.]
Alarm: HOOPLA! HOOPLA!
[CrazySponge abruptly wakes up and subconsciously turns off the alarm.]
CrazySponge: JESUS FUCKING-- o. it's another beautiful day in the world of sbfw.
CinemaSins: Roll credits.
[The credits start rolling across the bottom of the screen.]
CrazySponge: hey!
[CrazySponge pushes the credits off the screen. We suddenly hear a nuke go off in the background.]
CrazySponge: hm, must be foreshadowing. anyway time to make me some of my favorite breakfast.
[He pulls a bell labelled "ring for sex" out from behind his back and rings it.]
CrazySponge: o, liz!
[Matchy enters in a maid dress not looking amused with herself.]
Matchy: What is it, your royal highness?
CrazySponge: make me some cheerios and make it snappy! we have work in 30 minutes.
Matchy: Yes… your royal highness.
[Matchy leaves.]
CrazySponge: i kind of feel sorry for people who have to fetch for themselves.
[Cut to Ace sitting in a cardboard box labelled "Ace Productions" on SBFW Street. Several people walk past and ignore him.]
Ace: Spare change? Spare change?
[cut back]
CrazySponge: nah!
[Matchy enters with a bowl of Cheerios]
Matchy: Here's your breakfast. [She gives CrazySponge the cheerios.]
CrazySponge: aren't you forgetting something?
Matchy: Oh, right. Your royal highness.
CrazySponge: that's better.
[He eats the cheerios in a flash and gives Matchy the empty bowl.]
CrazySponge: now wash.
Matchy: What did your last slave die of?
CrazySponge: Washing the bowl.
[Matchy groans and leaves with the bowl. CrazySponge takes a gander at his watch]
CrazySponge: o dear! look at the time! i should be getting to work now.
[CrazySponge gets up. Cut to CrazySponge turning on his car.]
CrazySponge: i'm probably too young to drive. eh fuck it this is the world of sbfw.
[He begins driving. He turns on the radio which is playing Musical Doodle and he whistles along with the tune. He sees a truck]
CrazySponge: huh that's a big truck.
[pause]
CrazySponge: uhh that truck is getting very close oh NO IT'S GONNA CRASH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--
[The truck collides with CrazySponge's car and blows up. Cut to CrazySponge waking up startled in bed.]
CrazySponge: OH GOD OH… [He looks around] …fuck?
[We hear a nuke go off in the background]
CrazySponge: o phew it was just a dream.
[He takes out and rings the bell. Matchy shows up]
Matchy: What is it, your royal highness?
CrazySponge: [Turns to the audience] is it just me or did he say the exact same thing he said in my dream? [He turns to Matchy] anyway, make me some cheerios, liz.
Matchy: Yes… your royal highness.
[Matchy leaves]
CrazySponge: she said something from my dream again! i must have had one of those dreams.
[Matchy enters with a bowl of cheerios]
Matchy: Here's your breakfast. [She gives CrazySponge the cheerios]
CrazySponge: thanks liz.
[He eats the cheerios a bit slower this time. He gives Matchy the empty bowl]
CrazySponge: you know what to do.
Matchy: Yes, your royal highness.
[Matchy takes the bowl and leaves]
CrazySponge: huh that was different from my dream. anyway, i should probably get to work now.
[He gets up. Cut to CrazySponge going to his car. He suddenly stops]
CrazySponge: hmmmm… in my dream i went inside my car and then collided with a truck. either i should be more cautious while driving or not risk it. i think i'll walk to work.
[He does so. He sees the same truck in the background and stares at it for a couple of seconds before shaking it off and continuing to walk]
CrazySponge: huh it's working.
[He sees a tornado in the background]
CrazySponge: good thing i'm not over there. ha ha ha!
[He continues to laugh as the tornado launches a house over to where CrazySponge is walking. CrazySponge looks up and sees the house]
CrazySponge: what the-- OH NO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--
[He gets crushed and fucking dies. Cut to CrazySponge waking up startled]
CrazySponge: wha… again?
[We hear a nuke go off in the background]
[He rings the bell. Matchy shows up]
Matchy: What is it, your royal high--
[CrazySponge grabs Matchy by the shoulders]
CrazySponge: matchy, have you ever experienced the same day before?
[silence]
Matchy: What?
CrazySponge: have you ever died and woke up living the same day?
Matchy: …W-What the fuck are you talking about?
CrazySponge: uh- nevermind…
[Cut to CrazySponge walking down the road again. The truck drives in the background and he sees the house land on the other street. CrazySponge states at it before hiding behind a house]
CrazySponge: so i keep dying and living the same day… does that mean i'm destined to die again?
Death: yes.
CrazySponge: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--
[He dies from spook. Cut to CrazySponge waking up startled.]
CrazySponge: i need help from someone!
[Cut to CrazySponge entering a house to find Primitive and a coconut gun in bed doing a very obscene act.]
Primitive: oh yeah baby I'll fire you in spu-
[He looks at CrazySponge. They scream]
CrazySponge: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!
Primitive: Can't a guy have some free time around these parts?
CrazySponge: ididn'tneedtoseethatididn'tneedtoseethatididn'tneedtoseethat [He exits the house]
Primitive: Now… where were we?
[They go back to doing their thing that I can't mention because of the TOU while Golfpecks spies on them through a pair of binoculars from afar.]
Golfpecks: Nobody does that obscene act and gets away with it…
[Cut to CrazySponge standing outside the house.]
CrazySponge: no matter what i do, i die or get scarred for life! hmmmm… what if i just stayed in this spot for the rest of the day?
[He does so for 10 seconds. He looks at his watch]
CrazySponge: hmmm… so far so good.
[He looks up]
CrazySponge: hey look at that cloud. it's getting pretty big.
[A nuke lands on CrazySponge and blows up the surrounding area, including the house. Golfpecks walks on screen and looks at the audience]
Golfpecks: Don't let this happen to you.
[Cut to CrazySponge waking up startled]
CrazySponge: aw, it's no use! no matter what i do, i can't die!
[silence]
CrazySponge: wait a minute…
[CrazySponge grins]
CrazySponge: i can't die!
[Cut to CrazySponge standing outside]
CrazySponge: it’d be a real shame if I were to steal a car and land myself in jail.
[CrazySponge puts his Box Productions branded t-shirt on]
[Cut to inside Golfpecks’ house, Golfpecks is reading the paper and drinking some tea, when he hears his car alarm go off]
[Golfpecks runs outside to see CrazySponge speeding off in his car]
Golfpecks: Curse you, Bernie Sanders!
[Cut to a shot of the conveniently placed Banana Studios HQ, CrazySponge crashes into it]
Golfpecks [Watching from inside]: How will I financially recover from this?!
CrazySponge: easy. let me buy your company
Golfpecks: No, you homeslice. Delete your account.
CrazySponge: o
[Cut to CrazySponge breaking out of a bank with a bag of money. A FANDOM Admin follows behind in their FANDOM police car.]
Hoopla: GRAND THEFT AIDAN!
FANDOM Admin: STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM!!
CrazySponge: try and make me! I FEEL SO ALIVE! HOOP-
[He crashes into a stop sign]
CrazySponge: phew at least i didn’t die
[The FANDOM Admin puts handcuffs on CrazySponge]
CrazySponge: shit
[He gets slapped by the admin]
FANDOM Admin: NO PROFANE LANGUAGE!!
CrazySponge: why does fandom have to be such a [redacted by FANDOM]?
[He gets slapped again]
FANDOM Admin: WHAT DID I SAY?
CrazySponge: geez, sorry
FANDOM Admin: I DIDN’T SAY SORRY!
CrazySponge: that's kinda rude of you.
FANDOM Admin: Oh, uh… sorry then.
CrazySponge: [smug] aha!
[The admin begins escorting him to the car.]
FANDOM Admin: Mr. Sponge, you have been charged with stealing, hijacking, sexual degeneracy, the N-Word, and many other offenses. This could land you in jail for up to... (he does quick maths on a calculator) 500 years.
CrazySponge: WHAT?! 500 YEARS?! that's like- more than 400 years!
FANDOM Admin: Tell it to the judge.
CrazySponge: ok i will-
FANDOM Admin: THAT’S IT! NOTSOBOT, GET YOUR [beep] OVER HERE!
[NotSoBot walks over to the admin]
FANDOM Admin: Ahehem… .mute @CrazySponge.
NotSoBot: ok, muted CrazySponge#9944
[CrazySponge begins jumping up and down and yelling in rage, but of course nothing comes out of his mouth.]
FANDOM Admin: And you will stay like that for 500 years!
[CrazySponge mumbles.]
500 YEARS LATER...
[A very old CrazySponge is exiting a rotting jail.]
CrazySponge: I did it. I lived for 500 years and my asshole is only two and a half inches thick! This calls for a celebra-
[He turns into ashes and fucking dies. Cut to CrazySponge waking up startled.]
CrazySponge: ARGH!!
Matchy: You called?
CrazySponge: liz! you've got to help me! i keep living the same day over and over, and i wake up back here every time i die, and i lived for 500 years, and prim did some stuff with his coconut gun and- hang on, i've told you all this before!
Matchy: Aidan, I don't wanna alarm you but I think you're going mentally insane. One might say… crazy.
[laugh track]
CrazySponge: well done sherlock you've really cracked the case this time. hey… hang on… maybe if i survive the whole day this endless day will end!
Matchy: Y- yeah, sure. Need me to call a thera-
[Matchy gets shot by CrazySponge]
CrazySponge: i’m NOT going to die toda-
[A house crushes him and he fucking dies. He wakes back up in bed.]
CrazySponge: oh come on!
[Cut to Aidan walking down SBFW Street. A house is about to crush him, but he shoots it and somehow the house fucking dies. Then some zombies come over to eat his brain, but he shoots them too. Then Scooter comes over.]
Scooter: Hey dude, wanna hear a joke? How many licks does it take to get to the center part of a clam p-
[He gets shot, but not by CrazySponge. It is then revealed EB shot him]
CrazySponge: E- EB?
EB the Original Master: Hello, my child.
CrazySponge: why did you come all this way to help me?
EB the Original Master: Oh, I didn’t. I just really hate the clamety eight joke.
CrazySponge: o
Lock: Hey, E-
[EB shoots her and Lock fucking dies.]
EB: I don't even make the Roblox series anymore! Why are you all still bringing it up? It's not 2018 anymore! Anyway, I have to make another VeggieTales rant. They made a really shitty episode this time.
[EB leaves. A huge wave of zombies approaches.]
CrazySponge: the writers really don't make it easy for me, do they?
Primitive: I write, Aidan. It's what I do.
[CrazySponge shoots him.]
CrazySponge: im gonna get muted for this…
Zombie: rawr brains and shit
CrazySponge: [sarcastically] o look at me im shaking.
[He tries to shoot the zombies but he is out of ammo]
CrazySponge: DAMN YOU, PRIMITIVESPONGE129, POLARTEM AND CICICICITY!!!
Cicicicity: Oh yeah my name's attached to this shit now. That's cool.
CrazySponge: aaron, you've got to help me not die!
Cicicicity: Nah, let's listen to Weezer.
[The zombies start closing in on them.]
Cicicicity: Oh well. I'll see you at your funeral. Just gonna write myself out of the episode and-
[Cicicicity suddenly disappears.]
CrazySponge: o
Zombies: rawr brains and shit
CrazySponge: if plants vs zombies taught me anything… (He takes out a flower)
Zombie: OH SHIT RUN!
[The zombies flee screaming. CrazySponge stands in place confused for a few seconds.]
CrazySponge: usually my bright ideas end with a war starting or something. but ill take it!
[More monsters and shit show up and crowd CrazySponge]
CrazySponge: no please. not like this. (He looks at his Hoopla watch) it's only a minute until midnight. phew, can't wait for this extended crazysponge died: the series episode to be over. i'm so fucking tired, man.
Monsters and shit: bitch does it look like we care
CrazySponge: bruh. wait how about we make a deal. leave me be for a minute and you can kill me all you want.
Monsters and shit: eh i dunno man.
CrazySponge: oh come on, i'll even throw in my expired condoms!
Mr. Renaud: Better listen to him, boys.
Monsters and shit: hmm… could you maybe throw in your ruby slippers?
[CrazySponge looks down at his watch.]
CrazySponge: come on, come on!
Mr. Renaud: You could have my ruby slippers.
Monsters and shit: well, umm…
CrazySponge: come on, come on!
Monsters and shit: how much do they usually retail for?
CrazySponge: uhhhhhhhh 24
Monsters and shit: No deal.
CrazySponge: …billion dollars.
Monsters and shit: Deal.
[CrazySponge hands over the shoes to the monsters and shit.]
Monsters and shit: Hey these aren't ruby slippers! They're generic Supreme shoes! GET HIM!
[The monsters and shit run towards CrazySponge. He braces himself, but then suddenly his watch beeps]
CrazySponge: …midnight
Monsters and shit: OH SHI-
[They disintegrate into dust]
Mr. Renaud: Argh, I knew I shouldn't have gone down that alleyway earlier...
CrazySponge: i did it. i sur- i'm too fucking tired (He goes back home and sleeps)
THE NEXT DAY
[CrazySponge wakes up in his bed]
CrazySponge: oh no no NO NO NOOOOO!
[Matchy enters carrying breakfast bacon.]
Matchy: What's the matter sir? Did you have that dream again?
CrazySponge: wha-
[She lays the breakfast down on the bed.]
Matchy: Eat up, we don't have long until we need to go downtown and protest about people muting you.
CrazySponge: but that can't have been a dream! it was all too real!
Matchy: (sigh) I know it's sad when you realise you don't actually own Jasbre Corp., and you didn't actually fuck that person from Fortnite, but you have to-
CrazySponge: no! you don't understand matchy. i had a… ahem… "dream" where I kept on dying and "respawning" in my bed and I saw Primitive fucking a coconut gun and Golfpecks calling me a homeslipper or whatever he called me and… and… EB and zombies and Mr. Renaud and monsters and shit!
Matchy: Erm… that just sounds like real life.
CrazySponge: no, you don't understand!
Matchy: Maybe I was wrong. Maybe you do need to be muted.
CrazySponge: no no no, you dont have to-
Matchy: .mute @CrazySponge
NotSoBot: ok, muted CrazySponge#9944
[This message was brought to you by the Wikians For Muting CrazySponge. Thank you for listening.]
Primitive: You should try fucking a coconut gun sometime.
Polar: wh-
[End. Go back to your lives.]
Category:Transcripts
Category:2020 Transcripts
Category:Episodes
Category:Episode transcripts
Category:2020
Category:2020 Episodes
Category:The World of SBFW
Category:Thatjess
Category:Cheese sauce fan 2007
Category:Episodes written by Cicicicity
Category:Episodes written by Thatjess
Category:PrimitiveSponge129
Category:Episodes written by PrimitiveSponge129
Category:PI
Category:2020s