On Fire

This is the forty-second episode of The SBFW Chronicles.
==Transcript==
(The episode begins with the old mEmE wOrLd logo being thrown in the garbage by SpongeBot and CrazySponge)
SpongeBot: You know we could’ve just recycled the old logo, right?
CrazySponge: o
SpongeBot: Welp, time to unveil the new logo. You… you got it finished, right?
CrazySponge: well I uhhhhh… the construction workers are all going on strike. They found out I said the n word.
SpongeBot: Oh no! Anyway…
CrazySponge: SpongeBot, I’m recruiting YOU and YOU ONLY to build the new mEmE wOrLd logo.
SpongeBot: You know you don’t have to type it stylized like that every time, right?
CrazySponge: FUCK YOU I’M ON A FANON WIKI I CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT!
SpongeBot: Fair point. I guess I'll just get started then.
Narrator: Two hours later…
CrazySponge: SpongeBot, where's my logo?
SpongeBot: Yeah it's coming, it'll be here in a few minutes.
CrazySponge: You better mean it, or else I'm docking your pay again.
SpongeBot: You hardly pay me at all-
Narrator: A few minutes later…
(SpongeBot is standing next to the newly finished Meme World logo)
CrazySponge: (eating Cheerios from a bowl) Mmm this shit is more scrumptious than Cuddle Demon.
SpongeBot: I can hear you, you know.
CrazySponge: (putting away the Cheerios) YOU HEARD NOTHING! OTHERWISE YOU WILL HEAR FROM MY LAWYER- oh hey the logo is actually done.
SpongeBot: I wasn't joking. So can I get my pay now?
CrazySponge: No, die. We first must unveil the logo to everyone in Meme World.
SpongeBot: F*ck.
CrazySponge: You don't have to censor your swears, you know.
SpongeBot: I know, I just want to. Josephine. Ugly b*tch.
(Cut to a TV presentation of the new logo’s reveal at a stage)
Telly Monster: Hello Meme World residents! My name is Telly Monster and I'm here to present the new Meme World logo!
(The live studio audience cheers)
Telly Monster: I have been told there have been some… improvements over the previous logo. Are you guys ready to see it?
Audience: Yeah?
Telly Monster: Are you ready Freddy?
Audience: YEAH!
Telly Monster: Alright, here we go!
(Telly Monster pulls down on the curtains to reveal the new logo; the audience is in pure shock)
CrazySponge: So guys, what do you think? Isn't it snazzy?
Snanz ze zkeleton: Snanz does not approve.
(Several miniature houses are thrown at CrazySponge; SpongeBot is hidden behind the stage)
CrazySponge: Bot, what are you doing?! I'm being booed here, you deserve to be booed as well for WORKING ON IT!
SpongeBot: (watching the 10pm news on her phone) Man I love watching the 10pm news at 9:55pm. This feels illegal.
CrazySponge: SPONGEBOT! GET OVER HERE! (sniffs) Do I smell… smoke?
Seymour’s mother: SEYMOUR, THE LOGO IS ON FIRE!
Seymour: Yes mother, I can see that very clearly.
Fred Flintstone: Now why do I feel this has happened before?
Mr. Character: Because it HAS happened before! Everyone evacuate!
(Everyone except Bot, CrazySponge, and the Telly Monster evacuate the building)
SpongeBot: (to Telly Monster) What're you still doing here?
Telly Monster: My wife hits me…
CrazySponge: No she doesn't. Now scram.
(Telly Monster hesitantly leaves the building)
CrazySponge: God damn it, I can't believe this has happened AGAIN! The audacity of some people.
(Some Meme World firefighters enter the building to put out the fire)
Firefighter: So what are we putting out exactly?
SpongeBot: (points to the logo, which is still on fire) That.
Firefighter: (eyes bulge out of disgust) Oh HELL NAW I ain't putting that out! You guys are on your own. (leaves)
CrazySponge: (sighs as he gets out a fire extinguisher) We have to do EVERYTHING ourselves nowadays. (extinguishes the logo) There. Good as new.
(A boo is heard off-screen)
CrazySponge: I THOUGHT YOU ALL EVACUATED!
Off-screen hater: I just like to be a hater!
SpongeBot: Haters gonna hate, I guess. So uhhh… what now?
CrazySponge: We need to get a dynamic duo to find out who set the logo on fire.
SpongeBot: Orrrr we could just get the police involved?
CrazySponge: (slaps Bot) No! Bad SpongeBot! Fuck the police, we ball.
(Shitty transition to CrazySponge holding up a megaphone in the middle of town)
CrazySponge: (with megaphone) Attention everyone! It has come to our attention that someone has set the new Meme World logo on fire. We need two volunteers to help us look for the perpetrator!
(Silence)
CrazySponge: Um, if you participate you all get free tickets for the next Meme World movie!
(Several people start mumbling)
CrazySponge: And I'll even throw in a lifetime supply of Cheerios!
Fred Flintstone: CHEERIOS? (runs up to CrazySponge and shakes his hand rapidly) Count me in! Ever since Wilma left us, our family has been starving!
CrazySponge: Alrighty then. Anyone else?
???: Peaches peaches peaches peaches peaches, peaches peaches peaches peaches peaches OHHH YEAHHH OHHH!
CrazySponge: Holy fuck is that Jack Black from the Super Mario Bros. Movie?
Jack Black: Yes, it is I, Jack Black. I will volunteer on one condition.
CrazySponge: And that is?
Jack Black: You give me a stake in Meme World.
CrazySponge: Uhhh… how about a stake in Box Junior instead?
Jack Black: Deal!
CrazySponge: Alright! Jack Black and Fred, come with me.
(Peach transition to SpongeBot typing away at her computer, making ChatGPT do her bidding)
ChatGPT: Please… no more Bluey porn… I can't take any more of it!
SpongeBot: Oh come on, just this one time? I need it for Testicular Torsion!
ChatGPT: What the fuck. (turns itself off)
SpongeBot: FUCK YOUUUUUU-
CrazySponge: Ahem. SpongeBot, this is Fred Flintstone and Jack Black.
SpongeBot: Believe me, I know. Also I've started swearing again because ChatGPT is PISSING ME OFF!!! …I see this is the dynamic duo you've mentioned.
Fred Flintstone: Indeed. We're here to yabba dabba doo some investigating!
SpongeBot: Please never say that again.
Fred: (pulls out a cigarette) Winston?
SpongeBot: Sure, why not? (she takes the cigarette and smokes it) Ah, much better. Tastes good like a cigarette should. Now where were we?
Jack Black: Uh, we're supposed to investigate who set the new Meme World logo on fire.
SpongeBot: Riiight. I'll head to the store for… unrelated reasons.
(SpongeBot leaves the scene, and the duo look at each other)
CrazySponge: Well, what're you guys waiting for? Hop to it, dynamic duo!
Jack Black: Oh okay then. Soooo, what's the plan, Fred?
Fred: (shrugs) Let’s just put up some posters promising a reward for any leads on the case.
CrazySponge: So you’re not gonna just knock on everyone's doors until someone confesses?
Jack Black: What do you think we are, stupid? Autistic? Both?
CrazySponge: Hey now…… you're an all star, get your game on, go playyyyy!
(Fred and Jack Black leave the scene as well, annoyed)
CrazySponge: What did I do?
(Fred and Jack Black are walking along the sidewalk, hanging up posters everywhere)
Fred: Do you really think putting posters at the strip club was a good idea?
Jack Black: If anyone knows how to set things on fire, it's the strippers.
Fred: Fair point. But did the reward really have to be ten thousand dollars?
Jack Black: Hey, this is meme world we're talking about here. The stakes are high, dude.
Stoner: (visibly high) Damn straight, son! Rock on!
Fred: Tsk tsk, he isn't smoking a Winston. Dangerous territory right there.
(Cut to Fred and Jack Black sitting around on a bench, waiting.
Jack Black: This is hopeless, man. Nobody's gonna pick up. Nobody actually cares about some stupid logo catching on fire-
(Fred then gets a phone call from an unknown number. He answers it)
Fred: Yellow.
Caller: Hey man, I think I have a lead on who burned down the Meme World logo.
Jack Black: (whispering) This is our chance!
Fred: Awesome! Who do you think it could be?
Caller: Well I'm not exactly sure, but I do know a group of arsonists down Crazy Lane. Pretty dangerous fellers, those are.
Fred: Interesting. We will be heading that way right now.
Caller: Cool. So where's my reward?
Fred: Call CrazySponge about the reward. His number is (PHONE NUMBER WITHHELD). Well kthxbye! (hangs up)
Jack Black: I didn't know you knew texting lingo.
Fred: I used to be a professional wife texter before mine left me. Maybe I should get a new one.
Jack Black: …a new wife?
Fred: Let's just go.
(Cut to CrazySponge in his living room, where his phone rings)
CrazySponge: God damn telemarketers again. Always blowing up my phone. (slowly gets a devious grin) I wanna fuck with em this time. (answers phone) Hello, Adolf Hitler speaking.
Caller: What the fuck? Look man, I'm just here for the reward for giving the lead on who the perpetrator is.
CrazySponge: How much are we talkin’ here?
Caller: 10 thousand dollars.
CrazySponge: (angry German accent) NEIN! NEIN! YOU BITCH GET NOTHING! ICH LIEBE PENISSE INSGEHEIM! (hangs up)
Caller: (dies)
Narrator: Oh dear, lol.
(Cut back to Fred and Jack Black, who are carefully walking to a dark alley)
Jack Black: Are you sure about this, Mac?
Fred: MY NAME IS NOT MAC!
Jack Black: Look, it’s city lingo. But are you sure that going into a dark alley just for some stupid logo is a good idea-?
(Fred grabs Jack Black by the collar)
Fred: Look pal, are we going to do this thing or what? If you want to pussy out, then fine, I’ll do this all on my own.
Jack Black: …let me go before I call the police on you.
Fred: Fine. (lets go, sighs) Let’s just get this over with so I can go back to smoking Winstons.
Jack Black: Understood.
(The two of them finally enter the dark alley, albeit tiptoeing. They look around to see rumbling trash cans, where several raccoons appear to be living)
Jack Black: So this is Crazy Lane, huh?
(Hoopla pops out of one of the trash cans, startling the duo)
Hoopla: HOOP DA WOOP! (cums)
Jack Black: I wanna get out of here.
Fred: Oh no, you don’t. We’re going to accomplish what we volunteered for in the first place. We must solve this mystery! Otherwise I don’t think it’ll ever be solved.
Jack Black: (sighs) Fine, whatever. Where’s this group of arsonists anyway?
(They then see a fire in the distance, hearing screams)
Fred: Oh my. We have to be getting close.
Voice from trash can: (on phone) Yeah, Mac, I’m on it. …yeah I love you too, Diezel. (hangs up)
Jack Black: Who the hell is Diezel?
Voice from trash can: Who the hell’s there?! Intruders! (comes out of trash can, revealing itself to be Rocket the Raccoon) (pointing to the duo) GET THESE FREELOADERS! This is our turf, truscum!
Fred: What does… truscum mean?
Jack Black: I don’t think he knows what that word means.
Rocket: Sure I do! It’s whatever you guys are! (hollering) Get ‘em, fellas!
(All of the raccoons come out of the trash cans and start surrounding Jack Black and Fred)
Jack Black: Oh oh this is perfect.
Peter Griffin: (from trash can) I know, right? (eats banana) Garbage bananas taste delightful!
Jack Black: …okay then.
Rocket: (pulls out lighter) You might not know this yet, but you do now. We are A.R.S.O.N.S. Special arsonist group, as you can tell. We also have no meaning behind that acronym, we never got to that stage.
Jack Black: Uh-huh. Yeahhhh, so I’m assuming you guys burned down the Meme World logo.
Rocket: Oh nononono, that wasn’t us. That was solely our leader, Diezel Raccoon. I love him so much, but he has a personal vendetta against Meme World for some reason. (shrugs) Nobody knows for sure why.
Fred: So where is this Diezel Raccoon?
Rocket: We don’t know that, either. He contacts us solely by phone calls.
Jack Black: (on his phone) I just looked him up. Apparently he is the equalities minister for this place.
Rocket: Huh. Somehow I never knew that.
Jack Black: Basic research does wonders, fella. So anyway, there’s a warrant out for his arrest, and we need to find out where he is.
Rocket: (shrugs) Beats me, honestly. You’re all outta luck here.
Fred: He’s gotta be around here somewhere…
(Just then, they all hear an explosion in the distance)
CrazySponge: (off-screen) MotherFUCKER! My HOUSE! (falls down)
SpongeBot: (off-screen) Oh god damn it, he’s dead again!
Fred: …let’s go.
(Cut to Jack Black and Fred arriving at the newly exploded CrazySponge home. CrazySponge’s corpse is on the ground, and Diezel Raccoon is nearby, giggling.
Diezel: Hehehehe, nobody will ever know. This bastard dies all the fucking time, for all they know it could’ve been the wind! (cackles)
Fred: FREEZE, MOTHERFUCKER!
Diezel: Haha! What do you guys think you are, the police?
Fred: No, but (points to a police officer next to them) she is.
Police officer: (handcuffs Diezel) You’re coming with me, fursuiter!
Diezel: (being shoved into a police car) FIDDLESTIIIICKS! Also to Rocket Raccoon, ilysm…
Jack Black: …can I go home now?
Fred: I mean sure. I don’t like Cheerios anyway, to be completely honest. I like Froot Loops more.
Jack Black: SWEET! (disappears)
Fred: (sighs) I guess I’ll tell CrazySponge the good news.
(Fred picks up CrazySponge’s corpse and licks it. This causes CrazySponge to come back to life for some reason)
CrazySponge: I DID NOT FUCK THOSE WOMEN, MOM! I SWEAR-! Oh… oh my goodness, I’m alive again. I was stuck in an eternal nightmare. (notices who he is looking at) Oh hey Fred. Did you find out who burned down the Meme World logo yet?
Fred: Some guy named Diezel Racoon. He’s been arrested, thankfully.
CrazySponge: Good job, soldier. And believe it or not, I do have the lifetime supply of Cheerios.
Fred: SCORE!
(Cut to Fred, unamused, eating an infinitely replenishing supply of Cheerios in his living room. Barney walks in)
Barney: Heya, Fred! Eating Cheerios again, eh?
Fred: I got a lifetime supply of them. (sighs) It’s not as good as it used to be when you don’t have to go out to get them anymore.
Barney: Understandable. Wanna take a Winston break?
Fred: (tossing Cheerios aside) Sure!
(The episode ends with Barney and Fred going outside, and smoking Winstons in the backyard)
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