L4D2:The Movie/Who's Cooking Tonight Scene Transcript

*Coach and Sasha are sitting at a table and Sasha is on the Phone*
Coach: *stomach rumbles* Oh, shit. Ugh! Sasha?
Sasha: *still on his phone *
Coach: Sash!
Sasha: *still his on phone*
Coach: SASHA FOKIN!
*Sasha’s phone disintegrates*
Sasha: Da?
Coach: I’m hungry!
*Sasha shrugs*
Coach: *points to the stove* Steak dinner.
Sasha: Yeah, I will deep fry you an entire goddamn cow.
Coach: HELL YEAH!
Sasha: I was just playing with you, man. Can’t believe you fell for that.
*Coach starts ordering what he wants*
Sasha: No, no.
Coach: *still ordering*
Sasha: No!
Coach: *still ordering*
Sasha: NO! NOOOO!
Coach: GET YOUR ASS IN THE-
*Sasha goes over to Coach*
*pause*
Sasha: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Coach: Mister, I don’t think I like your attitude.
Sasha: Kiss my Butt.
*Coach slaps *
Sasha: Coach. *waves his finger in Coach’s face* You do that again, and I will-
*Coach bites Sasha’s Robotic finger*
*Sasha screams and punches Coach into the wall* 
*The two of them start throwing furniture at each other and fighting*
*A closet falls onto Connor, who was in the room with them*
*They ignore the radio and start hitting each other*
Coach: *pushes Sasha near a closet and a picture frame and the closet fall on top of him*
*Coach then picks up the radio and throws it out the window*
*The radio and some other thing fall on Garfield, who was walking outside*
Garfield: *throws them away* Good thing I’m in the- *a tree falls on him*
*Sasha and Coach keep fighting and accidentally throw something at Connor* 
*They keep hitting and fighting with each other*
Ellie: *listening from another room*
Coach: *pulls out a M2 Flamethrower*
*Marligton pops out after taking the trash out and Sasha takes him out and makes him charge at Sebastian*
*They fight some more which causes a big boom, ending their fight*
Ellie: *from the other room* That better have been an accident.
*She enters the room*
Elle: Don’t make me get- SWEET REGAN’S MO-
*The camera pans to them, knocked out, and then back to Ellie*
Coach: *wakes up with cracked bones* What? Oh hell-
*Ellie roars*
Coach: Aaaaand it’s about to get all bad and shit.
Sasha: Tits!
Marlington: Hey, that’s not cool. Seriously-
*Ellie charges at them and attacks*
*pause*
*Sasha and Coach are at the stove*
Coach: Sasha.
Sasha: Yes?
Coach: I’m hungry.
Sasha: Um, I don’t care.
Coach: Excuse me?!
Sasha: NOBODY CARES.
*Marlington talks over them and Garfield turns on a radio at full blast, playing Dragostea Din Tei to Take their fight to the next level*