Foreign Bodies/Transcript

This is the transcript for Foreign Bodies, which aired on November 19, 2020.
==Transcript==
1 Previously on B Positive Drew I'm afraid you're in renal failure.
Hang on, you're saying, uh you're saying I need a new kidney? What if I give you my kidney? - What? - I'm totally serious.
And this is not the wine talking or the weed or whatever that pink pill was.
Hey, will you promise me something? What? Travel.
See the world.
Travel? You have a panic attack whenever I spend the weekend at Grandma and Grandpa's.
I cannot count on this woman.
Why not? She's just so out there.
She's still drinking, and there is some shady stuff going on.
I saw a gentleman I owe some money to.
What kind of gentleman? - The bad kind.
- What kind of money? The kind they break your thumbs for.
Look, you're doing this incredible thing for me, so I want to do something good for you.
What do you think about moving in with me? Take it.
Gina! Gina? Day to night to morning Keep with me in the moment I'd let you had I known it Why don't you say so? Didn't even notice No punches left to roll with You got to keep me focused - Gina? - Hey, roomie.
What are you doing? I'm practicing my TikTok.
My followers love my new place.
That's wonderful.
Hey, I have a question.
Why is there a giant dog in my house? Oh, that's Cannoli.
I'm training him for a friend.
Okay.
So you're a dog trainer now? For $300 a week, I'm anything you want me to be.
Hey, by the way, Connecticut water, thumbs-up.
Great.
Yeah.
Um, look, I love that you're here, and I want you to feel totally at home.
But we need to establish some boundaries.
Oh, boundaries.
Yes.
I am so with you on the boundaries.
Are you? Because I can hardly park my car in the garage because of that giant barrel thing in the way.
It's a fermenter.
- A what? - A fermenter.
I make my own beer.
Artisanal.
You make beer? Oh, don't worry.
I'm not hitting up my own supply.
I mostly sell to the old folks where I work.
Oh.
Okay.
So you're a dog trainer and a bootlegger.
And a licensed body piercer.
Waist up only.
Hey, come here, Cannoli! Yeah.
It's breakfast time.
Oh, that's not breakfast.
That's not breakfast.
Train him.
Train him! I did.
That's his best trick.
- The more you give - The more you give - The more you live - The more you live - Your happiness is relative - Happiness But if you're feeling like crap It's time to face the fact It's your prerogative Your prerogative To be positive She leaves her stuff everywhere, Plays music all night long makes beer in the garage And ketchup goes in the fridge after opening.
It says so right on the bottle.
Ow, what was that for? You're complaining to people who would give their left nut for a kidney.
Now throw me that back, it wasn't a gift.
Coming at you.
I am so sorry I saw that.
This girl is saving your life.
That's all that matters.
She's your tight end, and you're the quarterback she's protecting.
Eli, this guy can't throw an apple.
Don't make sports analogies.
Look, obviously I appreciate what she's doing.
I just wasn't expecting to have another teenager in the house.
I mean, she makes TikToks.
Yeah.
They're really good.
You watch them? Not in a creepy way.
I just love the choreography.
Can I give you my take? I'm not going anywhere.
Everybody makes that joke once.
That was yours.
Your mistake was you thought you moved a kidney into your house, but you moved in a human being.
Hello, potential spam caller.
What is up? Okay, let me save you some time.
I'm not gonna give you my social security number.
Besides, it seems like your heart's not really into scamming me.
Just take a minute, think about what you really want to do for your life.
You have a beautiful voice.
Yeah, I'm sensing maybe you could go into broadcasting.
You-you could even be a DJ.
Yeah? Okay, so you tried that? Okay, so you failed once.
That doesn't mean that you should give up.
I'm so sorry, I have to go.
Hold on.
Um you hang in there, and you keep on dreaming.
Bye.
Hi, can I help you? Hello.
Is Drew here? Uh, no, he's not.
Who are you? Oh, I'm Gina.
Who are you? I'm Julia, his ex.
The ex.
I don't know, I'm really not used to saying it yet.
Oh, I should have recognized you from the pictures in his bedroom.
Come on in.
So are you and Drew Oh, no.
No, no, no.
Um, I'm his kidney donor.
Drew needs a kidney? Um Let us chat in the kitchen.
Yeah, let's.
So he invited both you and the dog to live here? Well, he invited me, and then I invited the dog.
His name is Cannoli.
But he also answers to Rizzo.
Gina I got you some jellybeans because I appreciate you.
I'm in the kitchen.
And I'm not alone.
Great.
Hey When were you planning on telling me? Well, I assumed she knew.
Drew, how serious is this? Ah Gina, can you give us a minute? Well, you are talking about one of my internal organs, so I really think I should be here for this.
Here.
Thank you.
I was waiting for the right time.
Drew, it's me.
We may not be husband and wife anymore, but I still really care for you.
Aw.
Oh, look, root beer.
I know, you're right.
I should have said something.
So, how did all this happen? I know Gina from back in high school, and she graciously agreed to get tested for compatibility, and now she's donating a kidney.
Thank you.
I'm a giver.
Why didn't you ask me? Well, 'cause of Maddie, And we can't have the surgery at the same time.
Plus, you haven't exactly liked me in quite a while.
One could say actively disliked.
He is a prickly pear who doesn't like to have his hair tousled.
Don't worry, I'll be fine.
I hope so.
Hey when should we tell Maddie? Well, I'll handle it.
I think it should come from me.
Are-are you sure? Because I'm happy to do it together.
Yeah, but we're not together.
But we could be.
I mean, you know, for things like this.
Thank you, but I got it.
Okay.
See ya.
I don't know why I did that.
That was just muscle memory.
Bye.
Hey, I thought we handled that really well.
Maddie! Maddie, don't look away.
I know you saw me.
If you don't come over here right now, I'm gonna start singing.
- Do re mi.
- Okay, okay.
What are you doing here? I switched with Mom.
I thought we could hang out.
Have some quality time.
Go get some fro-yo.
Fro-yo? You and Mom splitting up again? Do you want fro-yo or not? I'd rather have a cappuccino.
No way, come on, that's all caffeine.
- You're too young.
- Never mind.
Just take me home.
Fine, we'll go get coffee.
I have peripheral vision.
I can see you smiling.
I think it's going okay.
I just I wish he and I were, you know Doing it? No.
Maybe you need to do it.
From your mouth to God's ear.
I'll have sex with you.
How am I supposed to share a house with somebody and see them every single day and not have some kind of friendship? - We don't even have to kiss.
- Hey.
I read about this one donor and recipient, and every year on the anniversary of their surgery, they go to Dollywood.
All I get from Drew is, "Don't put your Crocs in the dishwasher.
" Well, sweetheart, maybe you should just I Don't force it.
It doesn't fit.
Yeah, that's what she said.
Honey, the guy needs a kidney, you offered him one.
He never said, "Let's be friends.
" Well, I know, but I thought when you give somebody a piece of your body, there'd be some sort of spiritual connection.
There's a piece of my body Which I will rip off if you don't shut up.
Gina, got to think of your relationship with Drew as purely transactional.
Besides, you don't need more friends.
I'm your friend.
And as your friend, I can say this: lose the Crocs.
What's a Croc? Plastic shoes she wears.
Oh, yeah.
It is a bad look.
So, how's school going? Fine.
Well, do you like any boys in your class? O-Or girls? Or maybe you feel like you're the wrong gender? If I ever feel like a man trapped in a woman's body, you'll be the first to know.
Great.
Thank you.
Well, there is one thing I wanted to talk to you about.
I'm gonna be totally fine, but it looks as if I need a small surgery.
- I need a kidney transplant.
- What? Not to worry.
I have the best doctor.
And I know everybody says that.
No one ever goes, "Oh, I got this really mediocre doctor, but he gave me a great price.
" This guy really is the best.
He was in a magazine.
They called him the Kidney King.
In the photo, he had a crown, everything, so Where do you get a new kidney? Uh, well, there's this woman, uh, Gina, that I knew back in high school.
She's donating one of hers.
Why? Well, she's just being a good person.
Who knows, maybe in 20 years, you might want to donate one of your kidneys to, uh, Sofie.
Sofie didn't invite me to her birthday, she can suck it.
The-the point is, uh, in 20 years, you may want to do something nice for someone you knew back in school.
That's what Gina's doing for me.
In fact, I invited her to stay with us for a little while.
You should see her dog.
- He's bigger than you.
- Yeah.
Great.
Could this operation not work? - Could you? - No.
No, no, no.
I'm not gonna die.
Look, I'll be out of the hospital in two or three days.
This new kidney's gonna give me all this energy, I won't be as pale.
Who knows? I might even get abs.
I'll get a two-pack.
That's one more pack than I currently have.
Swear.
What? That you're not gonna die.
Yeah, Maddie.
I swear.
Okay.
Please stop putting sugar in that.
No way.
You have your own food.
Go eat that.
Okay, one bite.
Just a little bit.
- Hey.
- Hey.
How was your day? Well, I complained about you to my elderly friends.
It was fun.
Well, I complained about you to my dialysis friends, so checkmate.
Uh, by the way, I had a chat with my daughter about the surgery and you, and things went better than expected.
- Yeah? - Yeah, she's upstairs, processing.
What does that mean? Well, she's just a little scared.
Totally normal.
Hmm.
Gina, do not get involved.
I'll handle it.
Boundaries, remember? Totally.
Our little secret.
Oh, my God.
Hi.
Who are you? I'm Gina.
Gina with the kidney? Well, I prefer "Gina with the boobs," but kidney's okay.
- Uh, do you mind if I? - Yeah.
Sure.
Thanks.
Okay It's okay.
It's okay.
I do yoga.
You know, there's a trellis out there if you ever need to sneak out at night.
Okay.
I just wanted to introduce myself.
I figure, I'm giving your dad one of my kidneys, so we're practically related, right? Uh, I guess? Ah, cool room.
- Thanks.
- Ooh, Purple Pop lip balm.
Mmm, good choice.
Um I just, I-I wanted to tell you that it's okay to be freaked out about your dad.
I would be, too.
It takes so much self-control not to eat this.
He said this wasn't a big deal, but I looked it up and it is.
It's very serious.
Yeah, it is.
He could die.
He could.
And I could die.
And so could you if you keep letting strangers through your window.
Hey.
There's a really small chance of anything happening to him.
Well, he still should've told me the truth.
Maddie, your dad is wound pretty tight on a good day, so throw in a divorce and a couple of dud kidneys, I'm surprised he's not swinging from a pipe in the basement.
Hey.
Come here.
Do you know why your dad is so desperate for a kidney? It's you.
He said, "I have to stay alive for my daughter.
" So that is the reason that he is putting up with me, and trust me, I am a lot to put up with.
You don't seem so bad.
I just stole your lip balm.
Why are you doing this, anyway? Well, why wouldn't I? I've known this guy since high school.
Oh, God, I can't even picture him back then.
He was cool.
Okay, that is not true.
He-he used to lecture us about cancer while we were smoking behind the gym.
So, who knows, maybe he saved my life, and now it's my turn to save his.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Hey, maybe we don't mention this to your dad? He doesn't like it when I get too involved.
But you're giving him your kidney.
I-I think you're involved.
B'zactly.
Okay.
Here we go.
Here we go.
- Please be careful.
- Oh, I got it.
I got it.
Uh-oh.
I'm good.
I'm like a cat.
Drew.
Gina.
Drew.
I'm gonna have to change my last name.
Category:Episode Transcripts
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