Sea Snakes on a Train

Sea Snakes on a Train is the fifty-third episode of Cult of Squid. It released on August 23rd, 2021 and was written by Purple133.
== Plot ==
Security and Noseward find themselves in a tricky situation when they hop into a boxcar with a large sea snake on a cargo train while trying to get new weapons for the cult to fight against Project Phoenix; Squidward learns more about the nefarious Project Phoenix as the Cult shares their stories from what happened while under their control.
== Transcript ==
(Episode starts at the Krusty Krab with the remains of the Cult and the Feathered Friends)
Squidward: Okay so can somebody please explain what’s happened since I went on the run?
Plankton: Well not much. I don’t remember too much from being cursed by Satan, but I do remember the Feathered Friends and all the remaining cult members being taken in by Project Phoenix. Most Cult members stayed with them even after we broke free. I think Sister Yvonne and Buff Jim are still there.
Noseward: Anyways, I did some more reading on this mysterious Project Phoenix group and honestly I don’t know what their game is. 
SpongeBob: I don’t think that anybody does. Well we know they want to “rebuild” but they’ve been really shady about a lot of it.
Squidward: Example being..
SpongeBob: Well mostly the brainwashing of innocent civilians.
Squidward: You didn’t bring this up sooner because-?
SpongeBob: Well I forgot okay? They used some type of dark magic to assert their will on top of Satan’s curse. So now there’s people out there who want us all dead and are carrying out the will of the Phoenix as they call it. 
Squidward: Okay so that’s really not a good thing. 
SpongeBob: Also who has the Book of the Damned?
Noseward: So funny story-
Squidward: Noseward where is it? We were gone for literally a couple hours.
Noseward: I uh dropped it. And I forgot where and also I don’t know where it went.
Squidward: You seriously lost the most valuable thing we have?
Noseward: Yeah.
Squidward: Great! Fantastic! What now? 
Noseward: Well to make up for it, I’ll go get some weapons. 
Squidward: Weapons to fight against Project Phoenix?
Noseward: Yeah, I can do that. I’ll just rob one of their supply trains and be back in a jiff. 
Security: I’ll go with you!
Noseward: Why?
Security: So you don’t die, Noseward. 
Noseward: That is a pretty good point. Okay we’ll be back at some point.
Security: Alright, so where are we going?
(Cut to Noseward and Security jumping onto a slowly accelerating old west style train just over the horizon)
Noseward: What the *dolphin noises* is this?
Security: An old west train I guess. We’re kicking it old school today!
Noseward: Why?
Security: Project Phoenix found a new purpose for all the old trains no longer in use. 
Noseward: Okay makes sense. So they have weapons on this supply train, they should be located in the third boxcar from the front. 
Security: You’re sure about that?
Noseward: Pretty sure. All we have to do is sneak into the car and rob the weapons. There shouldn’t be a guard since it’s a moving train, and they wouldn’t expect anybody to rob it. 
Security: So let’s do this. Hey Noseward if they use the dark magic mind control stuff again, are we going to be put back under their control?
Noseward: I mean yeah, probably. There isn’t really a way around that. We’ll have to ask Crayons to figure one out. Anyways, we need to focus on the task at hand. 
(Cut to Squidward and SpongeBob drawing up plans to attack the Project Phoenix base in downtown Bikini Bottom)
Squidward: So we’re really just going to enter right into another battle immediately after the war on Satan?
SpongeBob: I mean what else are we supposed to do here Squidward? These Project Phoenix guys are bad news. They’re using mind control to assert their dominance. It’s almost like a perfected version of your invasion. 
Squidward: Thanks.
SpongeBob: Sorry but I mean it’s true. 
Squidward: I haven’t even met these guys yet, how do we know that they’re really this dangerous to begin with?
SpongeBob: They just are, Squidward. They just are. 
Squidward: Well yeah but you can’t just say that-
SpongeBob: Squidward you were gone for a while after the battle against Satan, you don’t know what they did. 
Squidward: So tell me.
SpongeBob: After the fight, they started using the black magic mind control to distract from the horrible things they were doing. This group, whoever’s running it, it’s been getting planned for a while now. Some sort of misguided uprising in the wake of the Cult ruining society. They wanted power, so they started just horrible tests. 
Squidward: Like?
SpongeBob: They started using black magic by torturing demons out of people from what I knew. They also just killed and performed horrible actions on people who were possessed.
Squidward: Do you know why?
SpongeBob: Not entirely sure. Honestly I’m not sure why they trusted me with some of that information to begin with, but they were very open about their goals. 
Squidward: So we have an evil organization hellbent on world domination in the wake of the apocalypse that we now have to deal with. 
SpongeBob: Got that right. 
Squidward: I mean usually I’d ask why I should care, but at this point I want to see the cult itself survive just a bit longer. I’d be willing to do anything to make sure this group of people stays together, this cult, this brotherhood. I’m not gonna let this stupid Project Phoenix group bring it to its bitter end. 
SpongeBob: I guess you’re right. The Feathered Friends hasn’t felt the same since Patrick died but if anything, that just makes me more inclined to make sure those of us who lived stay together no matter what. 
Squidward: So do you want to kick some evil company’s butt?
SpongeBob: Absolutely!
Squidward: Let’s do this then. 
(Cut back to Noseward and Security climbing across the train cars)
Noseward: We should almost be there as long as we don’t encounter any issues.
Security: Sounds like a plan.
(Noseward and Security run and jump to the third boxcar from the front of the engine)
Security: We’re here!
Noseward: Okay so now the hard part, how do we get inside?
Security: Good question. 
Noseward: I’m gonna swing in through that window.
Security: On a moving train? Noseward, that's not how physics work.
(Noseward somehow swings into the boxcar)
Security: I don’t understand.
(Security swings into the boxcar too)
Security: Okay so how do we get the weapons out of here?
Noseward: No clue, I didn’t plan this far ahead. Maybe we open the boxcar door and push a crate with weapons out, then we jump out and run back to get it?
Security: That's a horrible idea but sure why not.
(Suddenly both Noseward and Security hear a loud hissing noise)
Noseward: The *dolphin noises* was that?
Security: Oh no.
Noseward: What?
Security: They have a sea snake guarding this transport.
Noseward: A what?
Security: Man you’ve never encountered one? When the invasion broke out Squidward tried to weaponize these suckers because of how vicious they are. Seems like Project Phoenix did it too!
Noseward: Oh. Well, how big is it?
(The sea snake emerges from the shadow and it’s twice the size of Noseward and Security)
Security: That big. We should get out of here!
Noseward: Wait but we need the weapons! 
Security: Okay, how do we get around that thing?
(The sea snake starts rapidly moving towards Noseward and Security, they duck into a corner; cut to the rest of the cult and feathered friends at the Krusty Krab)
SpongeBob: Okay is there anything else we need to do tonight?
Squidward: We should lock down and make sure that nothing can get in or out of this place.
Crayons: Got any scrap metal? I can build a metal barrier around the Krusty Krab to protect us.
Plankton: Well as long as we don’t get compromised, I have some scrap metal over at the Chum Bucket. Want to go grab that?
Crayons: Yeah, let’s.
(Cut to Noseward and Security fighting the sea snake)
Security: Back! BACK!
(Security punches the sea snake in the nose and it back away)
Noseward: Security you did it! Alright grab the weapons quickly and-
(A bunch of guns can be heard being cocked all at once) 
Noseward: Well this just got a lot harder.
(A fish with a Phoenix emblem on a shirt hops into the train followed by a few more fish with the same emblem)
Phoenix Guard: HALT INTRUDER!
Security: How much are they paying you for this job?
Phoenix Guard: I AM NOT AT LIBERTY TO ANSWER THAT QUESTION. 
Security: Okay makes sense. NOSEWARD RUN!
(Security pushes a crate labeled “weapons” out of the side of the boxcar and jumps out, Noseward follows)
Noseward: Jeez that was close!
(The Phoenix guards start shooting at Noseward and Security) 
Noseward: RUN FASTER!
(Noseward grabs one side of the crate and Security grabs the other side and they start running as fast as they can as the train speeds away and the bullets start getting further)
Security: I think we’re in the clear. So what was in this box that was worth risking our lives for?
Noseward: Let’s check it out!
(Noseward cracks open the crate to reveal a lot of guns, knives, some explosives, and a lot of new advanced weapons labeled “Markers™”)
Noseward: What the heck is markersTM? 
Security: Doesn’t matter. We got a ton of weapons and now we can actually fight against Project Phoenix now!
(Cut to Crayons and Plankton at the Chum Bucket looking for scrap metal)
Crayons: Plankton do you have any large chunks of scrap metal anywhere?
Plankton: Probably outside. We can go strip metal off the walls. 
(Crayons and Plankton walk outside to start stripping the walls of scrap metal; cut back to Security and Noseward slowly bringing the crate back to the Krusty Krab)
Security: So what’s even our plan once we actually have to face Project Phoenix?
Noseward: I guess I haven’t thought that far ahead. I think Squidward’s going to come up with something though!
Security: Because all of his past plans have worked?
Noseward: I mean mostly yeah. 
Security: I’m just nervous man, when we were under their control and cursed by Satan I couldn’t even think about who I actually was. I just have memories of being under somebody else’s control.
Noseward: It was weird like that, wasn’t it?
Security: I have to wonder, can they do that to us again?
Noseward: Maybe, if they still have whatever they used to control us. 
Security: I certainly hope that they don’t. 
(Noseward and Security reach the outskirts of Bikini Bottom; cut to Crayons and Plankton stripping the outside of the Chum Bucket)
Plankton: You’re sure this is necessary?
Crayons: Absolutely!
(Crayons rips off a large sheet of metal)
Crayons: Okay so we almost have enough. Let’s start bringing it back.
Plankton: I’m gonna miss my baby.
Crayons: Ooooooooo-kay.
(Suddenly a shadow appears behind Crayons)
Crayons: If you’re trying to sneak up on me it’s not going to work because I can see your shadow.
Voice: I was counting on it, old pal.
Crayons: Wait no, that’s not possible. You’re dead!
Voice: You sure about that?
(Crayons turns around and sees an orange fish with glasses and a lab coat standing behind him holding a futuristic looking weapon)
Crayons: Markers?
Markers: Hey Crayons. I’m not sorry for what I’m about to do.
(The episode ends with Markers charging up his weapon)
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