Ralph Records Catalogue No. 1

Ralph Records Catalogue No. 1 is the inaugural issue of Ralph Records' mailing list catalog, first printed in February 1977. The catalog proved so popular that it quickly sold out, having to be reprinted in April to keep up with the demand.
The below text has been transcribed to this wiki by a Mysterious Spanish Lady from a PDF copy of the catalog supplied by a wiki contributor.
== The catalog ==
Note: Some format changes have been made (image positioning, additional headings, etc.) to create an easily readable version of this catalog within the restrictions of this wiki. Such changes have been made as infrequently as possible to present the closest possible representation of the text as it originally appeared. Links in the text to other wiki articles have been included by The Mysterious Spanish Ladies in order to help facilitate easy navigation and further reading. Typographical errors featured in the original text have not been corrected.
=== Ralph Records Feb. 1977 No. 1 ===
BERKELEY - The Residents rejoice (above) upon hearing news that The Third Reich 'N Roll was selected as one of the Ten Best Records of 1976 by Rather Ripped Records.
HOLLYWOOD - In a program of mocked seriousness, following the premiere of FINGERPRINCE, an executive of the Cryptic Corporation presented the Residents with an award for the first record in history to sell zero copies. The album in question is the Residents' second LP, (NOT AVAILABLE), which they refuse to release despite corporate pressure.
SAN FRANCISCO - The big news on the Cryptic front is the establishment of a new theater for The City. The Corporation has procured property at 11th & Howard streets, in a predominately industrial neighborhood, for the institution of entertainment facilities for both film and live show attractions. The design and format of operation are to express a heavily fantasy-oriented point of view. Besides plans for Science Fiction and Horror film festivals, the RESIDENTS are said to be writing a show for the facility to be presented in late 1977.
Negotiations have been completed for PORE NO GRAPHICS, who do the RALPH RECORDS album covers, to handle a large advertisement design role. Interior design and architectual work is being conceived by the RESIDENTS and media artists, ANT FARM. The facility is expected to open in early Summer, 1977, with a restaurant to be added within the year.
====Meet The Residents====
MEET THE RESIDENTS
The Residents
Meet the Residents is the group's first pressed LP, and has been very popular due to its cover, which is an exact duplicate of the first Beatle cover with rather obvious changes. Upon assumption of Ralph Records' business responsibility, The Cryptic Corporation wanted to pull the album from circulation because of the lower-than-standard audio volume of the record.
The Residents resisted, saying that it is their first real long-playing album, and the result of a certain naivete reflected in the songs as well as in the technical quality. Fortunately, The Cryptic Corporation consented after an agreement with the Residents to remaster, reedit, and repackage the LP only after sale of the first edition of 1,000 discs (collectors, please note).
What was saved is an incredible document of early Residents working leisurely at home--a humerous satire of musical styles and tastes.
DATE OF RECORDING: Feb - Oct, 1973.
FORMAT: 12 inch, 33 rpm, Beatle-parody cover.
CUTS: Boots, Numb Erone, Guylum Bardot, Breath and Length, Consuelo's Departure, Smelly Tongues, Rest Aria, Skratz, Spotted Pinto Bean, Infant Tango, Seasoned Greetings, N-ER-GEE (Crisis Blues).
PRICE: $4.00
"And if Meet the Beatles started it all, Meet the Residents ends it."
--ONE DOLLAR MAGAZINE
Portland, Oregon
====(Not Available)====
(NOT AVAILABLE)
The Residents
The Residents' second album is, literally, not available. The LP was completed and then put into storage. The Residents have claimed that the record was done for themselves, and that had it been intended for release, the content would have been something other than what they really wanted to do.
However, some things have changed since the Cryptic Corporation has taken over, including ownership of (NOT AVAILABLE). At present, the corporation is withholding release of the discs simply on the basis of good faith. It is hoped that a release date can be arranged with the Residents' blessing.
A Cryptic Corporation executive close to the group has said, "I have heard this album and feel that while it may be true that the record was done with no intention of being released, I suspect that it might also be too personally exposing (for the Residents), for it is an album of overwhelming emotional impact. It is an album worthy of close study."
THIS RECORD CANNOT BE ORDERED AT THIS TIME.
DATE OF RECORDING: 1974.
FORMAT: 12 inch, 33 rpm, anti-cover.
CUTS: Not listed.
PRICE: Not Available.
"There's somebody that lives in the Negitive Zone, but I can't remember His name."
--The Mysterious N. Senada
====The Third Reich 'n Roll====
THE THIRD REICH 'N ROLL
The Residents
The Third Reich 'N Roll is all the more interesting when viewed in light of the second album. It has been speculated that the second LP was so difficult for the Residents to face, that this album was undertaken as an intellectual concept--that concept being to treat Top-40 songs of the 60's as though they were avant-garde. The Residents suggest that there are perhaps 30 songs altered within this high energy mass of swirling riffs.
The Third Reich 'N Roll has the rare ability to be familiar while never sounding like anything one has heard before. The music reeks with abandoned humor which makes one smile but not necessarily feel good. The humoresque suggests a delicate balance between a love of Top-40 Rock and Roll, and a genuine hate of the culture which embraced it. Rarely do the Residents' versions cynically mock the originals, but rather reinforce the naively simplistic attitude which is the absolute foundation of early Rock and Roll.
The Nazi imagery of the cover, with its Dick Hitler on a sort of American Bandstand surrounded by dancing Hitlers, reflects some cultural deficiencies the Residents see in Rock and Roll Culture, although they realize that they are a product of the same culture they both support and denounce.
DATE OF RECORDING: World Series '74 - World Series '75.
FORMAT: 12 inch, 33 rpm, Nazi cover.
CUTS: Swasticas On Parade, Hitler Was A Vegitarian.
PRICE: $4.00
==== Fingerprince ====
FINGERPRINCE
The Residents
Here is the Residents' fourth adventure into album production. This time around, they have chosen to include a series of shorter cuts that, while separate and individual, hold together as a cohesive side of moody reflections and philosophy. As a counter-element, the flip-side is one piece, composed as a ballet to be performed at San Francisco's Museum of Modern Art in 1976. The show was cancelled, but the Residents were too involved in the concept to abandon it. This shorter, more dynamic version of the original score is the result.
Due to requests, a photograph of the Residents (the first ever published) appears on the back side of the album cover. The picture was taken as the Residents performed live at the Mummy Show in 1976.
Fingerprince gives us both the most accessible Residents music to date, and the most complete and personal insight into the Residents that has yet been offered to the public.
DATE OF RECORDING: 1974-75-76.
FORMAT: 12 inch, 33 rpm, photo cover.
CUTS: You Yesyesyes, Home Age Conversation, Godsong, March de la Winni, Bossy, Boo Who?, Tourniquet of Roses, You Yesyesyes Again, Six Things to a Cycle.
PRICE: $4.00
"Remember those cartons of bug-eyed monsters riding drag-race cars? If they could sing they'd be in the Residents."
--TROUSER PRESS MAGAZINE
New York
==== Santa Dog ====
SANTA DOG - The Residents
Santa Dog is the Residents' first pressing. Prior to 1972, the Residents had recorded four albums, but lacked funds to have them put into a vinyl format. When Ralph Records was formed to make Residents music available on a larger scale, Santa Dog was conceived as a combination Christmas card and Ralph promo package. Bogus credits are given on the album since the Residents, at that time, refused to be identified as artists or writers.
However, the Residents did write and record the four tunes, as well as design the cover art and manually silk-screen-print, fold & glue, and number & sign (satirically) the jackets. The cut, "Aircraft Damage", is the only pressing of a piece of the original soundtrack from a film, VILENESS FATS, which the Residents worked on for four years before abandoning as economically infeasible.
500 copies of SD were pressed. 100 were lost in transit (later recovered, but never packaged) and 100 were discarded due to printing defects, leaving only 300 complete packages. As a collectors' piece, SD should remain sealed to retain its greatest value. For this purpose, an additional copy of each record (the recovered 200) has been included with this package.
Through the years following this release, Santa Dog has proven to be one of the most popular and most requested Residents releases--not to mention the rarest.
DATE OF RECORDING: Oct - Dec, 1972.
FORMAT: 7 inch, 45 rpm two-record set, with five-color hand-printed, numbered & signed cover.
CUTS: Fire, Explosion, Lightning, Aircraft Damage.
PRICE: $25.00
==== Collectors' editions ====
COLLECTORS' EDITIONS - The Residents
The Cryptic Corporation, in conjunction with the Residents, is pleased to announce the availability of Collectors' Editions of The Third Reich 'N Roll and Fingerprince.
The discs of these albums are the same as the regular editions, but the packaging and accessories are pure ART-- hand-made custom labels and covers, numbered & signed, enclosed in Delux Box, and featuring original art pieces by notable West Coast artists commissioned especially for the projects. Space limitations prevent the complete descriptions of these packages, but serious inquiries are welcome. These are LIMITED EDITIONS OF 25 each.
PRICE: $35.00
==== Meet The Residents t-shirt ====
MEET THE RESIDENTS T-SHIRT
When one walks down the street wearing this defiled Beatle cover, an unusual amount of attention is received.
They come in the usual sizes, and mean instant friendship when you spot another one.
DATE OF PRINTING: December, 1976.
FORMAT: Hand-printed black on Name Brand white shirt.
CUTS: Small, Medium, Large, Xtra-Large.
PRICE: $5.00
==== Satisfaction ====
SATISFACTION
The Residents
The Residents wanted to release a single from The Third Reich 'N Roll, feeling that a single was part of the concept under which the album was made. But since the album turned out as abstract as it did, the Residents decided to do a single that was a condensation of the whole album concept reduced to one song. That song had to be the song of the 60's, a song that everyone knew and loved. That song had to be "Satisfaction".
The Residents take the challenge of satirizing the basic footholds of Rock and Roll--obnoxious electric guitars, unintelligible lyrics (here rewritten to be more extreme and sensational), over-equalized bass configurations, etc., while still delivering the emotional punch which makes Rock and Roll that thing which drives adults up the wall while thrilling the maschochistic fringes of teenagehood.
DATE OF RECORDING: June, 1976. (released 9/76)
FORMAT: 7 inch, 45 rpm, limited edition of 200, hand-made covers (silkscreened with 3 colors, inked with 3 more colors, sequentially numbered, and signed "Goodbye Residents, Uninc.) by the Residents. (This was the last recording produced under the control of Residents, Uninc.)
CUTS: Satisfaction, Loser is Congruent to Weed.
PRICE: $2.00
"...the most determinedly repellant music I've ever heard..."
--TROUSER PRESS MAGAZINE
New York
==== Aphids In The Hall ====
APHIDS IN THE HALL
Schwump
"Aphids In The Hall" is the only release currently available from Ralph Records that is not by the Residents, although the Residents produced and performed backing instrumentation on sections.
The writer and performer of this song is a person named Schwump, whom the Residents met in Portland, Oregon. At the time, Schwump was doing a radio show in which the listening audience participated by reciting poetry or singing original songs over the telephone. Soon after the initial meeting, Schwump arrived in San Francisco, and two weeks of recording at El Ralpho Studios produced the cuts on this record.
Schwump is currently residing in Los Angeles, where he is pursuing his career.
DATE OF RECORDING: February, 1974. (released 9/76)
FORMAT: 7 inch, 45 rpm, limited edition of 200, another hand-job by the Residents (2 colors, numbered & signed, etc.)
CUTS: Aphids in the Hall, You're a Martian/Home.
PRICE: $2.00
"This (the Residents) has got to be the underground cult band of our decade."
--KSAN-FM RADIO
San Francisco
==== YA WANNA ORDER SOME RECORDS....? ====
Great! Just fill out the attached order form (or make up one of your own), stick in the necessary bucks, and mail it to ol' Ralph at the indicated address, and you'll get your merchandise real quick. OK?
If you have any friends who might be interested in this little catalog, just include their names and addresses with your order, and they'll get their catalogs as quick as you get your records (mui rapido!)
THE FINE PRINT
THE LIMITED EDITIONS ARE LIMITED--SOME ARE EXTREMELY LIMITED. ORDERS WILL BE FILLED ON A FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED BASIS. IF THE SERIES SHOULD BE SOLD OUT, YOUR MONEY WILL BE REFUNDED. NO MORE THAN FIVE (5) COPIES OF ANY RECORD MAY BE PURCHASED WITHOUT PERMISSION FROM THE CRYPTIC CORPORATION. THERE IS A 50¢ HANDLING CHARGE ON ALL MAIL ORDERS TO HELP COVER POSTAGE & PACKAGING. RECORDS BROKEN IN TRANSIT SHOULD BE IMMEDIATELY RETURNED FOR REPLACEMENT (FREE OF ADDITIONAL CHARGE).
Free Bonus Offer: Orders exceeding $5 will receive the MEET THE RESIDENTS SAMPLER (a 7 minute condensation of the Residents' first LP). Offer good only as long as the supply (limited, of course) lasts.
Good Deal: One of each item in the catalog may be purchased for a hundred bucks even (a savings of $16.50).
RETAILERS and DISTRIBUTORS are invited to inquire about wholesale pricing.
THE CRYPTIC CORPORATION
444 GROVE STREET
SAN FRANCISCO, CA 94102
==See also==
*Buy Or Die!
*Rather Ripped Records
*The Ugly Grey Theater
==Resources==
* Ralph Records Catalogue No. 1 (PDF file, 1.59 MB)
Category:Reference texts
Category:Buy Or Die!
Category:Catalogs