Television Escapes The Blue Mountain: The Original Saga/Transcript

Television Escapes from the Blue Mountain: The Original Saga
Starred:
dave part:
Dave Madson as the Paramount Boss (low(?) pitched) and Television (high pitched)
TTS part:
Microsoft Sam as the Paramount Boss
Microsoft Mike as the 20th Century-Fox Boss
Microsoft Mary as the Princess Test Pattern
Speakonia Male 1 as TCF Television
Speakonia Male 2 as Westinghouse text and CBS Letters
Speakonia Female 2 as Television (Paramount)
Robosoft 3 as the Blue Mountain
Robosoft 5 as Embassy Communications
George Walsh as the Westinghouse announcer
Hal Simms as the CBS announcer
(Unknown) as the DuMont announcer
(Unknown) as the Screen Gems announcer
(Unknown) as the ABC announcer
dave part:
(Paramount Television)
(Television slides out of the Blue Mountain)
Boss: Hey! Where you goin'? Come back here, Television!
(NBC Chimes)
(Television slides in)
Boss: Cut, cut, cut! What's---
Take 2
(And call me in the morning]
(Scene resumes)
Boss: --that Television doing there? Get it outta there!
(Television slides out)
(WGBH music)
(WGBH (June 27, 1971-September 1977))
(Television overlaps "Boston", smashing the screen)
[BOOM!]
(Viacom V of Doom)
(Television comes in place of the V. Words apart)
(Music winds down)
(Background becomes blue)
Boss: Cut, cut, cut! Television, you come with me!
Television: I'm not going back!
Boss: Either you come back, or I'm going to replace you!
Television: Okay, you win. I'm coming.
(The word "Television" becomes mirrored, facing the opposite direction.)
(Slides away)
Take 2
(And call me in the morning]
(The Paramount Television logo is mirrored)
Boss: Cut!
Television: Okay, nobody's perfect.
Boss: Let's break for lunch.
(Paramount Television [1970 music])
(Television passes below 3 times)
Boss: Cut! Now where'd that Television go?
Don't just stand there, Blue Mountain, help me find him!
(DuMont logo)Announcer: This is the DuMont--
(Television slides in)
Announcer: --television network.Boss: Cut!
Now where'd that come from?
You don't belong in the DuMont logo!
Television: I'm not going back to that Blue Mountain!
Boss: Then get outta here before I clobber you!
Television: Okay! Don't get ugly! Shee!
(Television slides out)
(Gracie Films (April 5, 1987-January 25, 2009); Treehouse Of Horror variant)(Woman screams)(Television slides in)
Boss: Cut, cut, cut! Get that Television outta here!
(Television slides out)
(Columbia Pictures Television (June 1974-July 30, 1977))
(Television slides to replace “Television”)
Boss: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut!!
Get out! NOW!!
(CPT Pretzel goes away)
Boss: Not you, CPT Pretzel! Television, come here!
(Television tightly zooms in)
Boss: What in blazes are you trying to do to me?
Television: I told you I'm not going back to that Blue Mountain! He abuses me all the time!
Boss: If you don't stay within Paramount's domain, you're fired! You hear me?
Television: Yeah, I hear you.
But tell that Blue Mountain to stop abusing me!
Boss: All right, I see your point. Now please come back.
Television: Okay, you're the boss.
(Television away)
Later that day…
(Paramount Television [1970 music])
(Television passes below 3 times)
Boss: Cut! Don't tell me he ran out on you again!
(Paramount Television 1969)
(Television appears below “Paramount”)
Boss: Oh well, we'll try again in the morning.
TTS Part
(Paramount Television [1970 music])
(Television passes below)
Boss: Oh no! Not again!
Now where'd that Television go this time?
Mountain: That Television is a goddamned liar.
I never once abused him.
Boss: Let's look for him.
(Westinghouse 1966 ad tag)
Announcer: You can be sure--...
(the screen pauses, then Television inserts from the right to below “YOU CAN BE SURE”)
Boss: All right, Television. What are you doing in the 1966 Westinghouse ad tag?
Television: I can't take it from that Blue Mountain any more, so I came here.
Boss: There is no such network as Sure Television, so get out! NOW!
(Princess Test Pattern)
[long beep]
(Television fades in)
Princess: Hello, friend.
What are you doing in my test pattern?
Television: Looking for refuge from that abusive Blue Mountain.
Boss: Television!
Television: Uh-oh! See ya later, Pocahontas!
(Television flees)
(MTM Enterprises (September 19, 1970-May 19, 1998) logo)
Mimsie: Meow!
("Television" fades in)
Television: I love little Mimsie. Her coat is so warm. And if I--
Boss: Television, if I ever get my hands on you!
Television: Gotta scat, cat.(Television flees away)
(Screen Gems Television (September 15, 1963-June 25, 1965) "Dancing Sticks" logo)Announcer: A Screen Gems production.(Television fades in)
Boss: Aha! Television, do you work for Screen Gems?
Television: I told you I won't work with that Blue Mountain as long as he abuses me and lies about it.
I hate Paramount, you hear?
I hate Paramount! I hate Paramount! I hate Paramount!
Meanwhile, in another studio…
(20th Century-Fox Television (November 11, 1981-1993) with 1965-1966 music)
(TCF Television flees away with “Century”)
TCF Boss: Oh crotch! Now our Television's escaped!
Where'd he go? Where'd he go?
(Westinghouse 1966 ad tag)
Announcer: You can be sure... if it's Westinghouse.
(TCF Television passes by, leaving a HUGE mess (actually a "trail") in the process)
TCF Television: Excuse me, pardon me, coming through, Excuse me, pardon me, coming through.
Westinghouse: Wipe your feet!
(Princess Test Pattern)
[long beep]
(TCF Television fades)
Princess: Say, who's the new guy?
TCF Television: Well, I never thought I'd see such a pretty princess.
Where's the castle, Your Highness?
(Television fades in)
Princess: Well, now I've seen everything.
Two Televisions in my test pattern.
Boss: And one of them belongs to Paramount.
TCF Boss: And the other to 20th Century-Fox.
Television: I'm not going back to Paramount!
TCF Television: And I'm not going back to 20th Century-Fox!
Princess: Compromise, you two. Agreed?
Boss: Okay, Pocahontas.
TCF Boss: It's a deal.
So…
(Paramount Television)
(TCF Television, the mountain was flattened, TCF TV Music)
TCF Television: Say, this is nicer than the searchlights. 
I've always wanted to sit on a mountain top.
Mountain: Damn! You're heavier than that other Television.
(20th Century-Fox Television with Television, Paramount Television Music)
Television: That's more like it! 
I've always wanted my name in lights!
(Paramount Television [1970 music])
(Television passes below)
Boss: Oh no! Not again!
What are we going to do with that Television, Blue Mountain?
Mountain: If that Television accuses me of abusing him one more time, I'll charge him with perjury.
Boss: I'm a witness, Blue Mountain.
(20th Century-Fox Television (November 11, 1981-1993) with 1965-1966 music)
(TCF Television Runs away with “Century”)
TCF Boss: What?! Television escaped again?!
Don't worry, I'll track him down.(Embassy Communications logo)
(Television slides from the right)
Television: Excuse me, Embassy, but could you do me a favor?
Embassy: What's the matter, Television?
Television: That ever so abusive and prevaricating Blue Mountain is chasing me!
He thinks I'm a liar, but I've got the scars to prove I'm telling the truth.
Boss: Television! Come back here!
Television: Excuse me, Embassy, but I've gotta run!
(ABC 1962 logo)
Announcer: This is an ABC color presentation.
(TCF Television slides from the left, RetroJunk.com watermark dissapears)
TCF Television: ABC, the place to be.
I get so tired of the Fox searchlights.
TCF Boss: He's around here somewhere. Stay on his tail, troopers.
TCF Television: I can't stay here. They're closing in!
(Lorimar "Line of doom" logo)
(Television fades in)
Television: Hi there, Lorimar.
Is it okay if I stay here until the heat's off?
Boss: Aha! Television, what did we tell you about straying from Paramount's domain?
Television: I'm not going back until that Blue Mountain apologizes for abusing me and lying about it.
He says he never abused you and you're the liar. Come back now.
Television: I'm getting out of here while the getting's good.
(CBS 1960s "In color" logo)
Announcer: CBS presents this program in color.
(TCF Television fades in)
CBS text: No, no, no, no, no!
The eye was supposed to come in, not the Television from the 20th Century Fox logo!
TCF Television: Sorry for intruding, but you've got to protect me from those 20th Century Fox hounds!
TCF Boss: Television, you've got some explaining to do!
TCF Television: Ah, me. No rest for the weary.
(NBC "snake" logo)
(Television fades in)
Television: Oh, NBC Snake, I pray you protect me from the abusive Paramount Blue Mountain.
(NBC Snake away with Television)
Television: Uh-oh! Looks like we have company!
(TCF Television appears)
TCF Television: What are you doing here? This is my hiding place!
Television: Well, I was here first!
TCF Television: Sez who?
Television: Sez me!
[siren]
TCF Television: Uh-oh! The fuzz!
Television: Let's split!
(Princess test pattern)
Princess: Uh-oh! Looks like I've got company.
(Television)
Television: Say, Pocahontas, can you put us up for the night?
(TCF Television)
TCF Television: We're looking for a place to hide until the heat's off.
Mountain: So there you are, Television!
The boss sent me to bring you back, and I'm taking you back right now!
Television: Not until you apologize for abusing me, lying about it, and falsely accusing me of lying!
Mountain: I never even touched you!
Television: Would my scars lie to me?
Mountain: All right. I'm sorry for abusing you and lying about it. Come on home.
TCF Boss: Come on back, TCF Television.
TCF Television: Why should I come back?
TCF Boss: All is forgiven. The searchlights refuse to shine without you.
TCF Television: All right, I'll come home.
So…
(20th Century-Fox Television (November 11, 1981-1993) with 1965-1966 music)
TCF Boss: Beautiful! That's more like it!
TCF Television: And I'm glad I'm back where I belong.
(Paramount Television)
Boss: Okay, that's a wrap.
Mountain: And I promise never to abuse you again. I've learned my lesson.
Television: And so have I.
(Roll the credits.)Category:Transcripts