Secret of My Excess/Transcript

: Twilight: [magically ignites a candle] No distractions.
: [draws the window curtains] Today is too important.
: Re-shelving day! [magically pulls all the books to the floor, then levitates them]
: "Understanding Medieval Equestria" goes in... Pony History.
: "Modern Spellcasting". That's Classics.
: "The Art Of The To-Do List." Actually, I kinda wanna read that again.
: Spike: [laughing, distracting Twilight and causing her to drop all of the books]
: Twilight: Spike! What are you laughing at?!
: Spike: [holding a red, faceted gem] This little beauty is my birthday present to myself! It's a Fire Ruby! I've been aging it for months, and it's almost ripe! [strikes it with a tuning fork and giggles; he nearly drops it when he slips on a book but catches it on the end of his tail]
: Spike: Hey, you took my advice! Just use the whole floor as one big shelf.
: [ theme ]
: Rarity: [from outside] Helloooo? [opens the door] Anypony home? Twilight? [notices Spike's ruby and gasps] Is that a Fire Ruby?! That must be at least twenty carats! No inclusions, pristine facets!
: Spike: And totally delicious.
: Twilight: Uh, if you guys don't mind?
: Rarity: Oh! Uh, of course. I just came by to see if you had any books on historical fashion.
: [at Spike] Did you say "delicious?"
: Spike: Sure did! Next week's my birthday, and this is my birthday dinner!
: Twilight: Start with this one. [gives Rarity a book]
: Rarity: Thanks, Twilight. I've got a feeling ruffled taffeta capes are going to make a huge comeback this season, and I want to be ahead of the game... [chomps her hoof as Spike coddles his ruby]
: I hope it's as tasty as it is beautiful, Spike. I've never seen anything quite so stunning before.
: Spike: Gosh... you really like it, huh?
: Rarity: Like it? It's magnificent.
: Spike: Then you should have it. This beautiful gem was meant to be with you.
: Rarity: I don't know what to say. This is so thoughtful! Oh, my little Spikey-Wikey! [kisses his cheek] Thank you so much! [she hops all the way out the door]
: Twilight: Wow, Spike! That's one of the kindest, most generous things you've ever done! I've never seen Rarity so happy!
: Spike: I will never wash this cheek again...
: Sometime later, Twilight is decorating the library for Spike's birthday party ~
: Twilight: Just about finished, Spike? Everypony will be here soon.
: Spike: There, perfect! Everything. Looks. Perfect!
: Twilight: Not quite everything. [walks over with a washcloth]
: Spike: A washcloth? I don't get it. [she gives him a hard look]
: No way, Twilight! I said I wasn't gonna wash the cheek that Rarity kissed, and I meant it! [a close-up of the spot where she kissed him reveals that his cheek is now quite filthy]
: Twilight:[she begins chasing him] It's over, Spike, I'm cleaning that cheek!
: Spike: [as he runs away Twilight continuously teleports him back to her] It's mine! Stop it!
: Twilight: Never!
: Spike: Twilight!
: [Twilight's last teleport brings in Pinkie Pie with a party whistle, which she blows in Twilight's face]
: Pinkie Pie: Happy birthday! [Twilight uses the distraction to wipe Spike's cheek]
: Party time, woo-hoo!
: Spike: [noticing gifts] Are those for me?
: Applejack: You bet they are, birthday boy!
: Fluttershy: Happy birthday, Spike!
: [they heap the gifts on him until he collapses]
: Rainbow: Don't you know you get presents on your birthday?
: Spike: Well, actually, this is my first birthday in Ponyville. I usually just get one present. From Twilight. A book...
: [Twilight is about to hand him a book but hides it behind herself and backs away, grinning]
: Rarity: Speaking of presents, this is from my new line of taffeta capes. I'm going to make one for each of you!
: The Other Ponies: [praising the design]
: Rarity: I've been inspired by the generosity of my little Spikey-Wikey who gave me this beautiful Fire Ruby - one of the kindest acts I've ever experienced. [rubs her cheek against his]
: Spike: Applejack, I can't thank you enough for this great blanket. I really needed a new one. [gives her a big hug causing her to spit out a bite of apple she had taken]
: Applejack: C'mon, Spike. You already thanked me fifteen times. I'm startin' to get a little embarrassed.
: Spike: I know I keep thanking you guys, but I'm just so grateful. I wish this party could last forever.
: [Pinkie is jumping on a balloon until it pops]
: Pinkie: Duh! The party can't last forever 'cause you have to go to Sugarcube Corner, 'cause the Cakes said they have a special surprise for you, 'cause it's your birthday!
: Spike: No way! [runs out the door]
: Pinkie: I said the party couldn't last forever, but it doesn't need to end right now!
: At Sugarcube Corner ~
: Spike: Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Cake!
: Mr. Cake: There's the dragon of the hour! Happy birthday, Spike!
: Spike: Thanks!
: Mrs. Cake: When we found out it was your birthday, we couldn't resist trying out a new recipe: sapphire! [presents him with a cupcake with blue frosting, full of sapphires]
: Spike: Wow!
: [waving as he leaves] Thank you so much!
: Man! First I get a bunch of great presents from my best friends, and now an amazing sapphire cupcake! Ho-ho, what a day! [walks right into Cheerilee, knocking them both over] Whoa!
: [seeing his cupcake flying through the air he extends his tongue several feet in front of himself to catch it, then notices Cheerilee sitting on the ground with her groceries scattered about]
: Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry, Cheerilee!
: Cheerilee: That's OK. What's got you so excited?
: Spike: [with a mouthful of cupcake] Pinkie Pie told me I should come see the Cakes so they could give me a treat 'cause it's my birthday today.
: Cheerilee: Well happy birthday, Spike! I wish I had something to give you! Oh! Here you go! [puts a fedora with a red feather in the band on his head]
: Spike: Wow, really?!
: Cheerilee: Sure! Everypony should get fun gifts on their birthday! [he hops over her bag to give her a hug] Have a great birthday, Spike.
: Spike: I wish every day was my birthday...
: Spike: Pinkie Pie mentions my birthday to the Cakes, and I get a cupcake. I mention it to Cheerilee, and I get this great hat.
: [sees a colt bouncing a ball]
: Spike: Hmmm. I wonder...
: Hey there, Lickety Split! That's a pretty cool ball you got there! Did you know it's my birthday?
: [now walking in possession of Lickety Split's ball]
: Spike: Ha ha ha ha! This is unbelievable!
: [spots Junebug taking a sip from a fountain] Ha ha ha ha ha...
: Hey Junebug! It's my birthdaaay!
: Junebug: Happy birthday, Spike! [begins walking away]
: Spike: Aren't you gonna give me something? You know, like a birthday present?
: Junebug: Um. I- I don't have anything.
: Spike: Well, how about those flowers? I'll take those-
: Twilight: Spike! Sorry, Junebug. I think Spike might have gotten a little carried away.
: Junebug: Uh, no problem. Happy birthday, Spike!
: Twilight: What are you doing? You're out here demanding gifts now?
: Spike: Wow. You're right, Twilight. I don't know what got into me. Thanks for snapping me out of it. I'd better go give Cheerilee her hat back.
: Twilight: No problem. See you at home later?
: Spike: Sounds good! Bye! [ waves as she walks away then giggles deviously] Who else has a present for "Spikey-Wikey?" [reptile-like hissing with dastardly mannerisms]
: At the library the following morning ~
: Twilight: [waking up] Wow, what a rough night's sleep, Spike. I had the weirdest dre-
: [Spike is still sleeping beneath a heap of rubbish he collected the day before.]
: Twilight: I can't believe you! [begins levitating all the junk] Where'd you get all this- [gasps and drops everything]
: Spike: [wakes up with a yawn] What happened? [overnight he became an adolescent]
: Spike: What's happening to me, Twilight?!
: Twilight: I don't know! Think back to last night. Did something happen?
: [Spike looks about the pristine room covetously]
: Twilight: [interposes herself between Spike and his view of the room] Spike? What did you do after I saw you?
: Spike: I went to talk toooo...
: [he becomes distracted by a globe and starts spinning it languidly]
: Twilight: Spike! [takes the globe]
: Spike: [falls on his face]
: Twilight: You went to talk to who?
: Spike: Oh. Um... I don't remember. Hey, can I have that globe? You're not using it, right?
: Twilight: Huh?
: [takes it with his tail and carries it up to the rest of his hoard]
: Spike: What about this book?
: Twilight: Spike, I'm worried about you. You're usually not so... grabby! [takes the book]
: Spike: [reclaims it] with a deepening voice: My arms aren't usually this long either... What's happening to me?!
: At the doctor's office ~
: [Spike attempts to take candy from a bowl before being chastised by Twilight with a slap]
: Doctor: [walks in] Well now, what seems to be the problem?
: Twilight: This is Spike. [slaps his claw as he reaches for something else] And something's wrong with him. [another slap] He used to be half this size, and he keeps trying to take things that aren't [slap] his!
: Doctor: All right then. Let's just have a look see, shall we?
: [in front of Spike and obviously irritating him] Widdle guy not feewing too good? Who's a brave widda boy, huh? Who's a bwave one?
: [Spike torches the doctors head]
: Twilight: So? What do you think, doctor?
: Doctor: Well, I think I know what the problem is. He's... a dragon!
: Twilight: That's not the problem. He's always been a dragon.
: Doctor: Oh. Well, that would explain it. Listen, I don't know anything about dragons, I know about baby ponies. Maybe you should try a vet.
: Twilight: Ugh. OK. Thank you, doctor.
: Vet: Hm. Well, I'm flummoxed. Ya bring me a dog, I've got it diagnosed in seconds. A snake even faster. But to be honest, I've never seen a real live dragon before.
: Spike: [snorts some smoke]
: Vet: Who's a good boy? [petting Spike's head] Who's a good boy?
: Sit...
: [sitting up and panting like a dog, Spike gets tossed a dog biscuit by the vet, then puts the treat in a bowl of candy he's been hiding]
: Twilight: Thanks anyway. Come on, Spike.
: At Zecora's place ~
: [Zecora pokes and prods him a bit and attempts hypnosis with a golden pocket watch, which Spike tries to steal.]
: Zecora: Oh! He is starting to mature; of this fact I am quite sure.
: Twilight: Mature? So he's just... growing up? But that doesn't explain why he keeps grabbing things.
: Zecora: A dragon's heart is prone to greed; a steady diet to make growth speed. Then, the resulting bigger size only makes their hunger rise. If this trait should go unchecked, if Spike continues to collect more growth will certainly occur. He is going to turn into a monster!
: Twilight: You mean... the more things a dragon collects, the bigger and greedier he gets? But how do we stop him before he's completely out of control?!
: Zecora: If his monstrous ways you wish to impede, you must prevent him from practicing greed.
: [the front door opens, and when the view pulls out to reveal the whole room, Spike has stolen everything and fled]
: Twilight is running through town in search of Spike ~
: Apple Bloom: Get away from her you brute!
: Spike: Spike want!
: [he's in a tug of war match with the CMC over Scootaloo's scooter]
: Scootaloo: You're not getting my scooter!
: Spike: Spike want!
: Twilight: Hey, Spike! Check out this amazing broom! [presents a broom that was propped against a building]
: Spike: Spike want! [grows larger]
: Twilight: [leading him back into the library] C'mon, big boy! Look at this incredible broo-oom!
: Spike: Spike want!
: [she traps him within another room, forfeiting the broom; he begins pounding on the door]
: Twilight: Fight all you want, I'm not letting you out!
: [she looks inside when the noise subsides to find spike laying in the center atop a mound of books]
: Spike! I just re-shelved this room!
: [she takes the books and closes the door; another crash ensues]
: Twilight: What now?
: [she looks inside to find Spike has exited through the wall]
: Applejack: Now, who in Ponyville would steal my apples? For that matter, who would steal my leaves?!
: Twilight: Applejack, help! Spike's running wild and I need you to lasso him!
: Applejack: [laughs] Oh, that's a good one, Twilight! Sweet little Spike running wild! What a laugh!
: Spike: [an even larger Spike runs by with arms full of apples and leaves]
: Applejack: Twilight, get my rope.
: [Shey jump at him with a length a rope just as he ducks to pick up an apple, causing them to tie themselves to a tree. Spike roars in their faces and continues his rampage.]
: Applejack & Twilight: Help!
: Rainbow: Huh? [Swoops down from above to help and laughs at their predicament upon arrival.] Don't tell me! You- you tied yourselves up?!
: Applejack: Get us out of here right now!
: [mare screaming]
: Applejack: What was that?
: Rainbow: Sounded like Fluttershy to me!
: [they near Fluttershy's cottage]
: Twilight: Fluttershy?! Fluttershy?!
: Fluttershy: I'm up here!
: [she's sitting in a tree with a few squirrels]
: Twilight: What happened?!
: Fluttershy: I was helping my squirrel friends with a dance step, and all of a sudden, a giant, rampaging d- d- d- dragon stormed through!
: Twilight: That was Spike!
: Fluttershy: Spike? But why would Spike steal my chicken coop? [pans down to the former site of her chicken coop] He just pulled it out of the ground and filled it with a bunch of apples and stuff!
: [another distant scream]
: Rainbow: That sounded like Pinkie Pie!
: Twilight: Come on, girls!
: [Pinkie is throwing cakes at Spike in Sugarcube Corner.]
: Pinkie: Back! Get back!
: [He catches one and puts it in a box of items he's collected.]
: Twilight: Pinkie Pie! Stop giving him cake!
: Pinkie: I'm not giving him cake. I'm assaulting him with cake!
: [Spike grabs many cakes from a shelf]
: Pinkie: How dare you take the cake!
: [Spike grows larger until he breaks through the ceiling, then walks off in search of more stuff.]
: Twilight: He's completely out of control! Who knows where he'll go next!
: Rarity: [examining a dress she recently made] Perhaps some more ruffle. [She screams upon seeing Spike's giant eye through the window. He reaches in and grabs her.]
: An air raid siren sounds its alert until Spike steals it. Ponies are running about frantically and Spike roars ~
: [ponies panic after his theft of a water tower floods the area]
: Rarity: Put me down, you brute!
: Spike: [roars in her face]
: Rarity: How rude...
: Fluttershy: Don't worry Rarity, we'll save you!
: Rainbow: Put her down, right now!
: Fluttershy: I- if you wouldn't mind, that is.
: Rainbow: I mean it, dragon boy!
: Fluttershy: We'll be ever so grateful if you'd be so kind as to possibly consider...
: Rainbow: Drop her, scaley!
: [Spike begins swinging Rarity around with his tail to swat away the pegasi]
: Rarity: Hey! I'm- Not some sort of common fly swatter!
: [Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy become entagled in Rarity's cape when it tears free and plummet into a stream]
: Rarity: Giiiirls! My cape!
: Spike: [more roaring]
: Rainbow: Look! The Wonderbolts!
: [three of the Wonderbolts arrive on the scene]
: [Spike scales a mountain and waits for the Wonderbolts to approach. When they get too close he traps them within the water tower and pins the open end to the mountain side, trapping them.]
: Spike: [victorious roar]
: Rarity: Oh, be quiet. You've got nothing to be proud of. You steal everypony's things, terrorize the town, and use me as a weapon against my own friends! Which as horrible as it is, I can almost understand because you're a dragon and all. But this! [extends the remainder of her dress in demonstration] This is a crime against fashion!
: [he notices the Fire Ruby she now wears as a necklace]
: Oh, no. You are not getting this gemstone! This was given to me by my dear friend Spikey-Wikey. The kindest, sweetest, most generous dragon ever. And it is too precious to me to give to a greedy, old beast like you!
: [Spike's eyes widen as he has a flashback to the moment when he gave that gem to Rarity. He shakes his head and begins quivering.]
: Rarity: Oh, what now?! I suppose you'll be eating me or something. [Spike spontaneously returns to normal, leaving them both momentarily suspended high in the air] Spike?! You're the rampaging dragon?
: [Rarity and Spike scream as they begin their uncontrollable descent.]
: Pinkie: Somepony do something!
: Rainbow: On it!
: [After grabbing Fluttershy, they take up the discarded cape that brought them down earlier and rush rescue Spike and Rarity.]
: Spike: Rarity, I need to tell you something, just in case we don't make it! I've always sort of had a crush-
: [she puts a hoof over his mouth as her eyes begin welling with tears]
: [Rainbow and Fluttershy catch both of them in the cape with moments to spare, setting them down in the vicinity of the others.]
: Fluttershy: We did it! I can't believe we did it!
: [the water tower falls away from the mountain and the Wonderbolts muster what diginity they can before zipping away]
: Rainbow: All in a day's work.
: [Spike sits alone on the edge of a bridge comparing his claw to the monstrous print before him.]
: Rarity: Spike, I just have to tell you how absolutely proud I am of you.
: Spike: Proud of me?
: Rarity: Yes. It was you who stopped... w- well you from destroying Ponyville. You are my hero, Spikey-Wikey! [kisses him on the cheek]
: Spike:
:: Dear Princess Celestia,
:: Today I learned a great lesson about friendship. Well, you might think that it would feel good to get lots and lots of stuff, but it doesn't feel nearly as good as giving something special to somepony you really care about. Well, I learned that it truly is better to give than to receive, and that kindness and generosity are what lead to true friendship. And that's more valuable than anything in the world.
: Well... almost anything. [he turns to reveal another lipstick stain where Rarity kissed him; this time it's framed]
: [credits]