The Great Louse Detective/Quotes

:Chief Wiggum: Now, Mr. Simpson, is it possible you're living a double or triple life that your wife doesn't know about?
:Homer: Triple? No, definitely no.
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:Chief Wiggum: Now, your case requires someone who understands the twisted mind of a murderer. And I know just where to find him.
:Marge: (hopeful) Paris?
:Chief Wiggum: No, no, not Paris.
:Marge: (downminded) I'm never gonna go to Paris.
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:(Homer notices Rainier Wolfcastle in the steam room, totally naked.)
:Homer: (thinking) Oh, my God, a naked celebrity, be cool, don't stare at his famous wang...
:Rainier Wolfcastle: Ha ha ha, go ahead, look, the whole world already saw it on Nudist Camp Commandant. (standing up) I WORE NOTHING!!
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:(The Simpsons are in Campbell's Chunky Soup Maximum Security Prison)
:Marge: I don't think this was a great place to bring the children.
:Lisa: It still beats Disney's California Adventure.
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:Sideshow Bob: Hello, Bart.
:Bart and Lisa: AAAHH!! Sideshow Bob!
:Sideshow Bob: Oh, come now, we've been through so much together. Just call me Bob.
:Bart and Lisa: AAAHH!! Bob!
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:Chief Wiggum: If I can tranq one freak on stilts, I know I've done my job.
:Lou: You're living the dream.
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:Bart: Dad, I can't believe you're putting my life at risk to save your own!
:Homer: You'll understand someday when you have kids.
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:Sideshow Bob: How can one ordinary man have so many enemies?
:Homer: I'm a people person... who drinks.
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:(while Apu and Sideshow Bob reminisce about Bob's attempt to frame Krusty for robbing the Kwik-E-Mart)
:Homer: If you two hens are finished "clucking", I would like to buy the latest issue of "Jugs & Ammo".
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:Moe: (after beating up a Homer dummy) Now who's the sociopath, huh?
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:(The Homer decoy results in Moe, Patty, Selma, Willie and Reverend Lovejoy attacking it.)
:Marge: These are Homer's friends and family. They don't want him dead, they just want him to suffer.
:(The real Homer tackles the decoy)
:Homer: (To the decoy) Once I kill you, everyone will think I'm the real Homer! Hehehehehe!
:Sideshow Bob: None of this seems odd to you.
:Marge: Meh.
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:Jester: (Knocks on door) Homer Simpson?
:Homer: Right here.
:(Door opens, Revelers enter living room, as When the Saints Go Marching In is played)
:Jester: You’ve been elected King of Mardi Gras!
:Homer: Woo Hoo! good things do happen to bad people.
:Marge: Honey the King of Mardi Gras has to ride around on a float all day. You’ll be a sitting duck!
:Homer: Marge, you’re embarrassing me in front of the drag queen.
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:(Sideshow Bob is helping Homer, who has just been elected king of Mardi Gras, find his attempted killer)
:Sideshow Bob: Homer it's a trap. You only won because someone filled the poll with these. (shows votes with all the same handwriting)
:Homer: Nevertheless, the people have spoken.
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:(Homer's runaway King of Mardi Gras float is heading toward a building filled with swordfish.)
:Lisa: (gasps) Dad's heading for the Swordfish Museum!
:Marge: That museum's been nothing but trouble since it opened.
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:Homer: Wait! Frank Grimes wasn't married! How could he have a son?
:Frank Grimes, Jr.: He happened to like hookers, okay?
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:Lisa: Dad! I figured it out! (opens a piece of paper) The murderer is--
:Homer: We know! Frank Grimes Junior!
:Lisa: Huh? (looks down at the paper, where she has written the name "Bumblebee Man") Precisely. (crumples the paper and kicks it away)
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:Bart: Dad, I'm really glad you're still alive.
:Homer:: Yeah, it's every parent's dream to outlive their children.
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:Bart: (singing) You've grown accustomed to my face...
:Sideshow Bob: This isn't a duet.
:Bart: Sorry.
es:The Great Louse Detective/Frases
Category:Quotes