Transcripts 2000-03

Transcripts from March 2000 strips.
==March 6==
Panel 1Al is sitting in a chair when Anne and Richard walk up and hand him a gift. Anne is wearing a purple sweater and Richard is wearing the "smiley face with sharp teeth" sweater.Al: Oh hello! What's this?Richard: I know it's a little early Alan but we both got you a birthday present.Panel 2Al tears the gift wrap open with a "RIP"Panel 3Al looks at the gift, a book, with a question mark over his head.Panel 4Al holds up the book to Anne and Richard, who laugh at him.Al: A book titled "How to Draw Cartoons"? Are you trying to tell me something?Richard: Nothing that your readers don't know already! HA HA HA!Panel 5Richard and Anne are now angry stick figures, with their heads, tails, and Anne's breasts jutting out of their stick bodies.Richard: Oh, ha ha! Very funny! Can't you take a joke Alan you bastard!?!Anne: Yeah, haven't you heard of "the fourth wall" you second rate, egotistic hack!
==March 13==
Panel 1Richard and Anne are still stick figures, looking at the camera in anger.Richard: Look we said we where sorry about the comments about your artwork so would you *please* use your "normal" style?Anne: Anyway using stick figures is like so overdone anyway when the "artist" gets lazy! Couldn't you think of something more original?Panel 2Richard is drawn in the normal style again, but he is only visible from the neck up, his raised hand partially in the panel. His purple sweater is barely visible.Richard: That's better Alan, thanks...Panel 3Richard realises something is wrong when he glances over at his hand.Panel 4Richard freaks out in a sweat as he realises his head is on Anne's body. Anne looks displeased but peeks in "her" trousers.Richard: AAAAH! THAT BASTARD HAS PUT MY HEAD ON YOUR BODY!!!Anne: Well I'm overjoyed about this too you know!Anne: I can now take a piss standing up!Panel 5Close-up of angry Richard.Richard: This has gone too f**king far Alan! This isn't even original ether because I've seen...Panel 6Same close-up, but Richard is unamusedly glancing toward Anne (off-panel).Panel 7Richard calls to Anne as a "ZIP!" sound effect appears.Richard: Anne, stop playing with that right now!Off-panel (Anne): Aw!Richard: I do wonder about you sometimes!Off-panel (Anne): What, you usually like me doing that to it!Richard: Yeah but that's when I'm still attached to it!
==March 20==
Panel 1A small pile of dirt.Panel 2A mole pokes its head out of the now molehill.Panel 3The mole opens its eyes wide as a gun barrel appears in the panel with a "CLICK"Panel 4Norman shoots the mole with a "BOOM" and it explodes into bits.Panel 5Anne is standing by the window looking over her shoulder, while bits of mole stain the window.Anne: Richard, the next time he offers to rid the garden of moles: say NO!"
==March 27==
Panel 1Kingston is standing next to a skip, which holds a barely visible Norman amongst the trash.Kingston: Norman must you jump into every bloody skip you pass?Norman: Well you can find all sorts of cool stuff in skips!Panel 2Kingston gives Norman an unamused look, the complete opposite of Norman's excited look as he pops his head up.Kingston: What, like rubbish by any chance?Norman: Yeah but sometimes you'll find an old telly or something that you can fix then flog.Panel 3Kingston holds up a hand and turns his head away in disgust from the dead smurf Norman holds up.Mostly off-panel (Norman): Or better still you could find a dead smurf like this! Whanna bit?Kingston: AGH! F**k me that thing's rank! Get that thing out of my bloody face!Panel 4Close-up of Norman holding the dead smurf near his face.Norman: More for me then!Panel 5Norman shoves the smurf in his mouth with a "CHOMP"Panel 6Kingston glowers at Norman with his hands on his hips. Norman holds up an Oscar.Kingston: Man, that was f**king ill even for you... Hey what have ya got there? Are those Oscars?Norman: I don't know Oscar but their mine now! You can have 'best actress'.
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