Headhunters 5: The Sinister Six

==Introduction==
The greatest trick Glorio ever pulled was convincing people he didn't exist. Weeks spent in New Zealand proved no match for Jeff Probst and his tribe, but a return to the states finally did him in as he becomes the latest head to adorn the walls of Glorio's casle of fantasy pain. 
==In Memoriam: Jeff Probst' Tribe==
The man with the rogue apostrophe now has a period at the end of his rookie campaign. 
The beginning of the end was on Black Friday, when Tua lived up to his name with two uh everything. Two rushes (1 yard). Two sacks. Two picks (one for a TD). With Jahmyr Giblets and Amon-Ra St. Brown Bread both coming up short of expectations (like mama's stuffing, amiright...trying to get some Thanksgiving in here), it was off to Tribal Council for the man who just last week had finished first in the immunity challenge. 
A couple of his players really turned it around from last week. Only problem was those players did really well last week. So when they turned it around they actually turned it around it was a bad thing! Saquon went Barking up the wrong Tree, going from a 35 to a 8.55 like Woody Allen when Mia Farrow used to leave him alone in the house. 
Even though 9 positions broke 10, only two broke 20. On MNF, it was clear that the vote was coming down to Müller or Probst, with Jeff having at least a shot with Joshua Dobbs and Cole Kmet. When Cole caught 80 balls on the opening drive, it looked like Müller might be on the chopping block. But then Lite played his Shot in the Dark, sacrificing his vote for an "I'm done" text that somehow continues to work. By the way, these tribal council jokes really go hard for anybody who watches the new season of Survivor. 
Anyway, one thing that doesn't seem to be surviving is the Minnesota Vikings seasons. Have to imagine jersey sales for the space man are going to plummet after Josh Dobbs threw an out-of-this-world four interceptions. 
It was a great first year for Probst, who really suffered from both QBs shitting the bed on the same week. It's crazy, so many teams got worse as they "got better." Sometimes the big name on the back of the jersey can be a curse. 
Jeff Probst' Tribe:
==Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020 v 2021 v 2022 v 2023)==
Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020 v 2021 v 2022 v 2023)
Team 	2023 Finish	2022 Finish	2021 Finish	2020 Finish	2019 Finish
Hasta Laviska Baby 	18th (-17) 	1st (+16) 	17th (-7) 	10th (+2) 	12th
Out of Luck 	17th (-13) 	4th (+-0) 	4th (+1) 	5th (+9) 	14th
Bobecue Chicken 	16th (-1) 	15th (-12) 	3rd (+14) 	17th (-10) 	7th
Jethro's Glorious Team 	15th (+1) 	N/A 	16th (-7) 	9th (+7) 	16th
Al Snow's Fav Squad 	14th (+-0) 	14th (+2) 	19th (-6) 	3rd (-2) 	1st
The Guilloteam 	13th (-2) 	11th (+2) 	13th (-6) 	7th (-4) 	3rd
deCaPitated 	12th (-9) 	3rd (+11) 	14th (-8) 	6th (-4) 	2nd
What Hurts Moore? 	11th (+6) 	16th (-6) 	11th (-9) 	2nd 	N/A
Extra Tight Ends 	10th (+2) 	12th (-2) 	10th (+6) 	16th (-11) 	5th
RIP Diggs my RIP for sure-oh	9th (-7) 	2nd (+7) 	9th (+6) 	15th (-9) 	6th
Billy Jeans Ride or Die 	8th (+-0) 	8th (-3) 	5th (-1) 	4th (+11) 	15th
Jeff Probst' Tribe 	7th 	N/A 	N/A 	N/A 	N/A
Invite this man back for Survivor: All-Stars! 
==Dead Money==
Keeping track of all the cash that never got spent by teams that are now eliminated.
Dead Money 2023
Dead Money	% of Total Eliminated Cash
$4,932 	41%
Jeff gave it his all. I mean literally, he used every last dollar. 
==Top New Releases==
#Keenan Allen
#Ja'Marr Chase
#Amon-Ra St. Brown
#Tua Tagovailoa
#Joe Mixon
Not putting Gibbs on here because of potential curse alert. 
==Week Twelve Bidding Results==
Week Twelve Bidding Results
Player 	Winning Team 	Winning Bid	Next Highest Bid
A.J. Brown 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack	$75 	$72 (Obi-Wan Mahomie)
Jahmyr Gibbs 	Jeff Probst' Tribe 	$71 	$52 (Henry VIII)
Justin Fields 	Obi-Wan Mahomie 	$52 	$2 (Bad Boys II)
Javonte Williams 	Headless Horsemen 	$25 	$11 (Bad Boys II)
Kyren Williams 	Henry VIII 	$18 	$4 (Headless Horsemen)
Christian Kirk 	Henry VIII 	$8 	N/A
Pittsburgh Defense	Henry VIII 	$3 	N/A
Miami Defense 	Obi-Wan Mahomie 	$2 	$1 (Headless Horsemen)
Calvin Ridley 	Headless Horsemen 	$2 	N/A
AJ Dillon 	Headless Horsemen 	$2 	N/A
Zach Charbonnet 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack	$2 	N/A
===Quick-Hit Thoughts=== 
*Last Year's Most Expensive Player: Josh Allen - $180 (Hasta Laviska Baby...remember him?)
*Biggest Overpay: Justin Fields ($50 over next highest bid - Obi-Wan Mahomie)
*Narrowest Margin of Bid Victory: A.J. Brown ($3 over next highest bid - Bad Boys II)
* Why is A.J. Brown have periods but AJ Dillon doesn't? What's up with that?
*Commish may have overpaid for Kyren Williams but it was definitely $18 well spent.
*You guys all gave this fucking guy KVR money and now he has A.J. Brown & Tyreek Hill. Nice work.
==Excessive Spend ==
Excessive spend is anything over a single dollar more than the next highest bid for the player you won, and does not take into account the talent level or value of the player.
Excessive Spend
Team 	Excessive Spend
Never Done This Before	$414
Headless Horsemen 	$349
What Hurts Moore? 	$284
RIP Diggs my RIP 	$275
Henry VIII 	$285
deCaPitated 	$274
Monty's Python 	$249
Obi-Wan Mahomie 	$243
Müller Lite 	$211
Jeff Probst' Tribe 	$168
Jethro's Glorious Team	$146
Bobecue Chicken 	$138
Bad Boys II 	$136
The Guilloteam 	$107
Extra Tight Ends 	$43
Al Snows Fav Squad 	$2
How does KVR continue to do this? Masterclass. 
==Money Spent Per Week==
Money Spent Per Week
Week	Budget Spent 	Budget Spent (2022)	Budget Spent (2021)	Budget Spent (2020)	Budget Spent (2019)
2 	$2,315 (16 Players)	$1,560 (15 Players)	$9 (2 Players) 	$1,173 (12 Players)	$1,339 (7 Players)
3 	$1,423 (15 Players)	$1,160 (10 Players)	$1,283 (10 Players)	$1,033 (7 Players) 	$1,902 (15 Players)
4 	$1,256 (14 Players)	$1,475 (10 Players)	$657 (8 Players) 	$1,182 (11 Players)	$1,614 (11 Players)
5 	$1,612 (16 Players)	$1,740 (13 Players)	$1,376 (11 Players)	$181 (4 Players) 	$1,743 (14 Players)
6 	$1,203 (13 Players)	$1,355 (14 Players)	$1,231 (10 Players)	$1,542 (10 Players)	$1,018 (11 Players)
7 	$1,040 (16 Players)	$45 (6 Players) 	$965 (10 Players) 	$1,494 (13 Players)	$1,036 (9 Players)
8 	$1,244 (16 Players)	$1,085 (13 Players)	$2,159 (15 Players)	$1,938 (17 Players)	$630 (7 Players)
9 	$675 (11 Players) 	$552 (9 Players) 	$1,059 (12 Players)	$1,454 (12 Players)	$624 (6 Players)
10 	$599 (11 Players) 	$424 (14 Players) 	$1,393 (9 Players) 	$712 (6 Players) 	$386 (8 Players)
11 	$341 (11 Players) 	$48 (2 Players) 	$1,121 (16 Players)	$777 (8 Players) 	$176 (6 Players)
12 	$260 (11 Players) 	$273 (7 Players) 	$643 (7 Players) 	$385 (5 Players) 	$93 (6 Players)
We are obsessed with buying exactly 11 players a week. 
==Week Twelve Results ==
Week Twelve Results
Finish (Last Week)	Player 	Total Points
1 (7) 	Obi-Wan Mahomie (Wolfe) 	288.81
2 (3) 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack (KVR) 	259.68
3 (6) 	Headless Horsemen (Andrew) 	240.96
4 (5) 	Henry VIII (Commish) 	238.09
5 (2) 	Monty's Python (Derek) 	231.05
6 (4) 	Müller Lite (Roger) 	183.94
7 (1) 	Jeff Probst' Tribe (Joe Cola) 	164.03
8 	Billy Jeans Ride or Die 	0
9 	RIP Diggs my RIP for sure-oh (Nate)	0
10 	Extra Tight Ends (Keeling) 	0
11 	What Hurts Moore? (Coach Tebo) 	0
12 	deCaPitated (Chris) 	0
13 	The Guilloteam (Pat) 	0
14 	Al Snows Fav Squad (Zach) 	0
15 	Jethro's Glorious Team (Jethro) 	0
16 	Bobecue Chicken (Bob) 	0
17 	Out of Luck (Papa) 	0
18 	Hasta Laviska Baby (Jared) 	0
*Biggest Climber: Obi-Wan Mahomie (^6)
*Biggest Faller: Jeff Probst' Tribe (v6)
==Draft Dodgers==
 Team Results Based on Draft Position
Draft Pick	Team 	Week Eliminated
1 	Obi-Wan Mahomie 	ALIVE
2 	Extra Tight Ends 	9
3 	The Guilloteam 	6
4 	What Hurts Moore? 	8
5 	Al Snows Fav Squad 	5
6 	Henry VIII 	ALIVE
7 	Müller Lite 	ALIVE
8 	Never Done This Before 	ALIVE
9 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack 	ALIVE
10 	Jethro's Glorious Team 	4
11 	Monty's Python 	ALIVE
12 	Bobecue Chicken 	3
13 	Out of Luck 	2
14 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	1
15 	Billy Jeans Ride or Die 	11
16 	Jeff Probst' Tribe 	12
17 	Tee Diggs my Chubb for sure-oh	10
18 	deCaPitated 	7
And just like that the entire bottom of the draft has been swiped from the surface of the Earth. 
== Kings of the Castle==
===1. Obi-Wan Mahomie===
OBI is going to WANt to spend big this week with Diggs, Jacobs, Hockenson, and Fields all on the bye. The good news is that on his bench you had Stafford outscore Fields, Watson outscore Diggs, and McBride just narrowly fall below Hockenson. You probably don't want to roll that squad out in a six-team league, but it's not a death sentence. 
=== 2. Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack===
Made almost every correct start/sit possible, including a benching of Cooper Kupp Half Empty, James ConArtist, and Derek Carr Accident. But as is the case this late, start/sits for similar players is always tough. Mondre or Bijan? Singletary or Charbonnet? Josh Allen is on the bye, which means KVR will be in the crowded market for Tua. 
===3. Headless Horsemen===
They should him WHAAAndrew because he was whining about the Joe Burrow injury last week in the Messenger thread. The only thing keeping AndrBooHoo here is Glorio and his willingness to be patient and wait for the right moment to strike. Will it be this week? Is it coincidence that the manager who was sucking his thumb like a baby during the Bengals game last week now has a stud RB set to miss a game because of thumb surgery? Whispers: *glorio always knows* 
I would also like to say that I have never met Andrew and I am sure he is a fine lad and not at all a baby. 
==On the Chopping Block==
===6. Müller Lite===
This team's season is destined to end at the hands of Justin Herbert, either with a championship or an execution. The NFL cannot help but put the Chargers in primetime, which means Müller has to agonize every single week. At least Kyler Bill Murray has been treating each week like Groundhog day and repeating 30+ point performances. And Tony Jackson Pollard has been showing showing spashes of brilliance as well. Dalton KinFirstAid has been a good bandaid at the Tight End position but he is off this week, creating an area of need that Geruson may have trouble filling. 
===5. Monty's Python===
Checking back in with the fart of the league as Monty's Python continues to be silent but deadly. The only manager we never hear from, Monty is ahead of the lowest surviving team (me) but a whopping 492.15 points. But this is the lowest the team has finished since week 7, and a combined 99.47 from Stroud and Hurts hid a pretty bad average day from everybody else. 
===4. Henry VIII ===
Speaking of hiding a bad day! Let's talk about Kyren Williams dropping 52.39 points! Lamar and Brock combined for 41. That's not how superflex is supposed to work! Henry would have been better off benching a second QB and starting fucking Najee Harris at Superflex. The best thing to say about this team is that since the bench is so average, there is plenty of room for improvement for waiver adds. 
==Average Scores of Eliminated Teams==
Average Scores of Eliminated Teams
Team 	Average Score	Weeks Played
Extra Tight Ends 	199.70 	9
Jeff Probst' Tribe 	192.88 	12
Billy Jeans Ride or Die 	182.98 	11
Al Snow's Fav Squad 	181.30 	5
What Hurts Moore? 	177.12 	8
RIP Diggs my RIP for sure-oh	175.55 	10
DeCaPitated 	172.53 	7
The Guilloteam 	169.07 	6
Jethro's Glorious Team 	163.20 	4
Out of Luck 	160.68 	2
Bobecue Chicken 	140.44 	3
Hasta Laviska Baby 	97.49 	1
==Narrow Defeats==
Margin of Defeat for Last Place Teams:
Margin of Defeat for Eliminated Teams
Team 	Margin of Defeat	Week Eliminated
Hasta Laviska Baby 	1.21 	1
Jethro's Glorious Team 	4.13 	4
The Guilloteam 	10.69 	6
What Hurts Moore? 	12.08 	8
Out of Luck 	14.67 	2
Extra Tight Ends 	15.02 	9
Billy Jeans Ride or Die 	18.85 	11
Jeff Probst' Tribe 	19.91 	12
Bobecue Chicken 	21.19 	3
RIP Diggs my RIP for sure-oh	33.01 	10
deCaPitated 	45.13 	7
Al Snow's Fav Squad 	50.59 	5
We have not had an excruciatingly narrow defeat in a while. We might be due. 
==Unique Players Started==
How many unique players (Defense included) were started by each team. The table can be sorted by players and also by week eliminated.
Unique Players Started
Team 	Players Started	Week Eliminated
Jeff Probst' Tribe 	30 	12
RIP Diggs my RIP for sure-oh	27 	10
Billy Jeans Ride or Die 	26 	11
The Guilloteam 	25 	6
What Hurts Moore? 	21 	8
deCaPitated 	21 	7
Extra Tight Ends 	18 	9
Bobecue Chicken 	16 	3
Al Snow's Fav Squad 	15 	5
Jethro's Glorious Team 	12 	4
Out of Luck 	11 	2
Hasta Laviska Baby 	9 	1
==Rulers of the Kingdom==
2023 first place finishers:
Top Scorers by Week
Week	Team 	Score
1 	Monty's Python 	228.65
2 	Extra Tight Ends 	227.45
3 	Headless Horsemen 	266.15
4 	Monty's Python (2) 	260.79
5 	Extra Tight Ends (2) 	264.57
6 	Müller Lite 	208.67
7 	Extra Tight Ends (3) 	250.96
8 	Bad Boys II 	286.71
9 	Monty's Python (3) 	267.95
10 	Jeff Probst' Tribe 	259.66
11 	Jeff Probst' Tribe (2)	240.36
12 	Obi-Wan Mahomie 	288.81
It was all going so well for Jeffy. 
==Dungeon Dwellers==
2023 teams that finished second-to-last, narrowly avoiding elimination:
Low Scorers by Week
Week	Team 	Score
1 	Extra Tight Ends 	98.70
2 	Billy Jeans Ride or Die 	150.50
3 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack 	124.83
4 	deCaPitated 	130.88
5 	Tee Diggs my RIP for sure-oh 	138.70
6 	Tee Diggs my RIP for sure-oh (2)	153.44
7 	Monty's Python 	154.43
8 	Tee Diggs my RIP for sure-oh (3)	170.50
9 	Billy Jeans Ride or Die (2) 	138.06
10 	Henry VIII 	196.62
11 	Obi-Wan Mahomie 	165.44
12 	Müller Lite 	183.94
Bad time for your first trip to the dungeon. 
==Single Season Scoring Records==
As teams get eliminated, their single season performance will appear here. Bolded lines indicate performances from the current season.
Cola gets on this list for the first time, and finishes in the top half of single-season scores. 
All-Time Single Season HH Point Records
Score 	Player 	Year
3,697.30	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2022
3,581.72	Beach McBungalow (Tee Diggs my Chubb)	2022
3428.76 	CP 	2019
3402.18 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2019
3363.88 	CP (deCaPitated) 	2022
3121.28 	Return of the Mac 	2021
3049.02 	Bobecue Chicken 	2021
3015.53 	Mixon Beer 	2020
3013.13 	Müller Lite 	2021
2997.67 	The Guilloteam 	2019
2980.07 	Last Coach Standing 	2020
2833.37 	Out of Luck 	2022
2743.25 	@FFDraftScott 	2020
2733.07 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2020
2709.59 	Mac 	2019
2677.20 	Out of Luck 	2021
2675.14 	Wildcat (no QBs no problem) 	2022
2620.18 	The Titanic 	2021
2614.60 	burrow for sure-oh 	2022
2438.96 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack 	2022
2422.98 	I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls 	2019
2377.31 	The Guilloteam 	2020
2314.56 	Jeff Probst' Tribe 	2023
2285.51 	CP 	2020
2282.91 	Out of Luck 	2020
2262.36 	Bad Boys 	2021
2233.57 	Soul Survivor (burrow for sure-oh) 	2021
2134.22 	I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls 	2021
2046.35 	LIVEWithIt 	2019
2034.86 	Laser Rocket Arms 	2022
2012.82 	Billy Jeans Ride or Die 	2023
1941.63 	Bobecue Chicken 	2019
1939.02 	Beach McBungalow 	2021
1936.45 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	2021
1862.19 	Henry VIII 	2022
1817.79 	Carole Pigskin 	2020
1797.24 	Extra Tight Ends 	2023
1755.51 	RIP Diggs my RIP for sure-oh 	2023
1749.51 	The Guilloteam 	2021
1736.99 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	2019
1611.76 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	2020
1512.91 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	2020
1509.41 	CP 	2021
1483.70 	Last Coach Standing 	2021
1473.18 	Henry VIII 	2021
1439.40 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2020
1416.99 	What Hurts Moore? 	2023
1357.00 	Henry VIII 	2019
1351.99 	Muller Lite 	2022
1300.35 	The Guilloteam 	2022
1238.56 	Bluedevils 	2019
1207.69 	deCaPitated 	2023
1182.09 	Mixon Beer with Liquor 	2021
1160.81 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	2021
1132.61 	Henry VIII 	2020
1116.98 	Shotti's Bugatti 	2020
1055.63 	Mac 	2020
1049.89 	LIVEWithIt 	2020
1014.40 	The Guilloteam 	2023
991.57 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2021
975.59 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2019
906.48 	Al Snows Fav Squad 	2023
806.27 	Mixon It Up With Mahomie 	2022
768.10 	Shotti's Bugatti 	2021
717.82 	Out of Luck 	2019
713.12 	I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls 	2020
708.44 	The Executioner 	2022
652.79 	Jethro's Glorious Team 	2023
544.55 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2021
489.42 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2022
481.22 	@FFDraftScott 	2019
459.96 	Bobecue Chicken 	2020
421.33 	Bobecue Chicken 	2023
324.28 	Bobecue Chicken 	2022
321.35 	Out of Luck 	2023
294.62 	Steve Blackman's Nun 	2021
286.36 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	2019
262.69 	Bad Boys 	2020
123.21 	CoachKnows 	2022
115.16 	Mixon Beer 	2019
97.49 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2023
96.56 	Steve Blackman's Nun 	2020
==All-Time Combined Points Scored==
Same as above: eliminated teams will have their 2023 season added to the total. Bolded lines indicate that the record has been updated through 2023.
Jeff Probst nearly catches Jethro, who has played three additional seasons. 
All-Time Combined Points Records
Score 	Player 	Years Played	Per Season Avg.
11,795.25	deCaPitated 	5 	2,359.05
10,382.49	Tee Diggs my Chubb 	5 	2,076.50
9892.33 	Billy Jeans Ride or Die 	5 	1,978.47
9439.24 	The Guilloteam 	5 	1,887.85
8832.65 	Out of Luck 	5 	1766.53
8075.70 	Al Snows Fav Squad 	5 	1,615.14
7873.83 	Extra Tight Ends 	5 	1,574.77
7594.94 	Obi-Wan Mahomie 	4 	
7201.35 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	5 	1440.27
6987.92 	Monty's Python 	4 	
6665.96 	burrow for sure-oh (defunct) 	3 	2221.98
6439.42 	Bad Boys 	4 	
6196.22 	Bobecue Chicken 	5 	1,239.24
6,003.97 	What Hurts Moore? 	4 	1,500.99
5824.98 	Henry VIII 	4 	
5186.35 	Neck-Fix and Chill (defunct) 	3 	1728.78
4365.12 	Müller Lite 	2 	
3711.72 	Jethro's Glorious Team 	4 	927.93
2314.56 	Jeff Probst' Tribe 	1 	2314.56
1885.08 	Shotti's Bugatti (defunct) 	2 	942.54
1238.56 	Bluedevils (defunct) 	1 	1238.56
698.91 	Phillip's Team (defunct) 	1 	698.91
391.19 	Steve Blackman's Nun (defunct)	2 	195.60
==Remaining Budget==
Remaining Budget as of 11/28/23
Player 	Total Budget
Müller Lite 	$419
Henry VIII 	$305
Monty's Python 	$161
Obi-Wan Mahomie 	$106
Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack	$97
Headless Horsemen 	$11
Jeff Probst' Tribe 	0
Billy Jeans Ride or Die 	0
RIP Diggs my RIP for sure-oh	0
Extra Tight Ends 	0
What Hurts Moore? 	0
deCaPitated 	0
The Guilloteam 	0
Al Snows Fav Squad 	0
Jethro's Glorious Team 	0
Bobecue Chicken 	0
Out of Luck 	0
Hasta Laviska Baby 	0
==Conclusion==
Happy Hunting!