I Married Marge/Quotes

:Homer: 1980 happened before you kids were born, and there was a lot going on. The hits of Supertramp, the dark horse presidential candidacy of John Anderson; it was an exciting time to be young.
:Flashback to 1980. "The Logical Song" by Supertramp plays in the background. Homer is shown working at one of his old jobs on Sir Putt-a-Lot's Miniature Golf Course. Homer's boss opens up a door to the miniature windmill.
:Homer's Boss: Whoa Homer! Not so fast, the customers are complaining.
:Homer: Sorry, sir. How about this?
:Homer slows down his turning the windmill blades.
:Homer's Boss: Now you are getting it, beautiful! Keep it up Homer, and you may one day be the man who hands the customers their putters at the first hole.
:Homer: Nice.
:Cut to present. Homer sees a distracted Bart.
:Homer: BART! I am trying to tell a bit of family history! May I have some attention?
:Bart: Yeah, yeah. You had a hard time turning blades but now you don't, end of story.
:Lisa: Don't blame us, our generation watches an appalling amount of TV.
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:Homer is on a date with Marge. They have just seen "Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back". The exit the first show as the infamous "Imperial March" is playing in the background. Customers are in line for the second show of the evening.
:Homer: Wow! Who would have ever guessed Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker's father?
:The costumers groan and complain.
:Moviegoer: Oh thanks a lot, Mr. Blow-the-picture-for-me!
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:After seeing "The Empire Strikes Back" Homer takes Marge to his workplace, where they sneak inside the miniature castle and watch golf balls travel down ramps.
:Homer: Someday I'll buy you a real castle.
:Marge: Oh Homer, you don't have to do that!
:Homer: Whew, that's a relief!
:Marge: Homer, I think it's the champale talking, but I think you're pretty sexy.
:Romantic music plays as Homer and Marge make love, which is not seen by the audience. On the miniature golf course, a customer hits a golf ball into a hard-to-hit hole that says "FREE GAME", causing the castle to light up the night.
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:Abraham: Son, you got her pregnant, so you have to marry her!
:Homer: I do?
:Abraham: Yes! But look at it this way. Think of all the fish in the sea, but most men struggle for years to reel one in. In your case, the fish jumped right in your boat!
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:Marge: Homer, I've been thinking... if the baby's a boy, what do you think of the name, Larry?
:Homer: Marge, we can't do that! All the kids'll call him Larry Fairy!
:Marge: Well, how 'bout Louie?
:Homer: They'll call him Screwy Louie!
:Marge: Bob?
:Homer: Slob.
:Marge: Luke?
:Homer: Puke.
:Marge: Marcus?
:Homer: Mucus.
:Marge: What about Bart?
:Homer: Let's see.. Bart, Cart, Dart, Eart... nope can't see any problem with that!
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:Man: Do you, Marjorie Bouvier take Homer J. Simpson to be your lawful wedded husband?
:Marge: I do.
:Justice of the Peace: Homer, same question, names reversed.
:Homer: I do.
:Justice of the Peace: Then, by the power vested in me by the state gaming commission, I pronounce you man and wife. Here's ten dollars worth of chips. You may kiss the bride. NEXT!
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:Homer: Hey Marge, look at this! It is a baby monitor so you can hear the baby no matter where you are in the house. Like this! (using the baby monitor) Baby to Marge, Baby to Marge! Wah Wah! (laughs)
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:Homer is making application to the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. He is near a reception with two other applicants. A younger Smithers does the interviews.
:Smithers: We have two openings, which means one of you will be rejected from this job...but it ain't gonna be my old frat buddy Lou Johnston!
:Smithers greets Man #1 and they do a secret handshake.
:Man #1: Ah Waylon! Still the same guy from Alpha Beta!
:Man #2: Hey! I am a member of the University of Alabama chapter!
:Smithers and two men proceed towards the board room arm-in-arm chanting their frat anthem. Homer tries mimicking their fraternity song, but he knows the odds are stacked against him.
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:Bart finds out Marge may be pregnant.
:Bart: You're a machine, Homer!
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:Homer: When that baby gets born, he'll be seeing a man with a job!
:Patty: Yeah, the doctor!
:Sign: Ye Olde Candlemaking Shoppe
:Homer is dressed in an outfit of Colonial America giving a demonstration to a married couple
:Homer: And so, good people, when the tallow hardens, we remove it from yon mold.
:Homer produces a lumpy wad of beeswax on a wick
:Little Boy{snickering}: What a crappy candle!
:Father: You have ruined our vacation!
:Homer is in the pillory
:Royal Governor: You, gentle sir, are fired!
:Homer gets kicked in the rear
:Homer: Ooof!
:Homer is then wearing a jacket and tie, carrying a briefcase
:Briefcase: Slash-Co Knife Company
:Homer rings doorbell; an elderly woman answers
:Old Lady: Oh hello. What can I do for you, young man?
:Homer: Good morning, Madam. You have been selected by the good people at Slash-Co to reap the benefits of their new Nev-R-Dull knife. Prepare to shake hands with the Slash-Co!
:Old Lady: AUUGH!
:Homer{talking to himself}: Handle first, handle first!
:Sign: Pitiless Pup Attack Dog Training School
:Homer is then wearing a padded leather outfit
:Homer: Hmmm...Several dogs gang up on Homer...OOF! ACK! I quit, I quit.
:Administrator: I thought you said you liked dogs. Litters by flicking away a cigarette
:Homer is sitting in a meeting room, wearing his suit.
:Sign: MILLION$ FOR NOTHING!
:Founder: Hey, hey, who wants to get rich today?
:Audience{in unison}: Me! Me! Me!
:Homer: Me! I said it first!
:A slide is shown of a pyramid with a big X
:Founder: First off, let me assure you this is not one of those shady pyramid schemes you have heard so much about. No, sir. Founder changes slide which shows a trapezoid with a big $. Our model is the trapezoid, which guarantees each investor an 800% rate of return within hours of your initial investment...
:Seminar is interrupted by loud sirens in background
:Founder: OH NO!! The cops!
:Founder dives through a plate glass window
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:Homer: Step aside. I'll deliver this baby!
:Dr. Hibbert: Oh why don't you let me handle it, Homer?
:Homer: (glares at Dr. Hibbert) A college boy, eh?
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:Homer: (finding out Bart is born) Daddy's little angel. (it turns out Bart has a cigarette lighter lighting Homer's tie on fire and dips the tie in the water) Why you little--! He did that on purpose!
:Marge: How could he? He's only 10 minutes old!