The Kelp/Issue XXIII

The Kelp: Issue XXIII is the twenty-third issue and the sixth issue of Volume II of the newsletter. It was initially published on January 7th 2017.
== Introduction ==
Don't ask me how but I'm in charge so whatever. The first issue of 2017 and possibly the last, read on to find out more in this weeks issue of The Kelp! -Vanilla Ploop (totally an awesome signature) For some reason, it doesn't look right without this: Luis~SBCA M C  #Laban Pilipinas! 01/07/2017
== News ==
=== R.I.P The Kelp by Vanilla Ploop ===
It's official, in a total official interview in SBCA, it was stated that all interest was lost as SBCA was too busy irl. We don't know what 'irl' means but we can only assume it means something awful, we have now lost all hope. Please do not panic. irl means in real life We have just gained information from our sources that 'irl' means 'in real life'. What kinds of idiots do we have writing this issue?
=== SBFW Goes Global by Vanilla Ploop ===
Near the end of December, user SBCA (who the hell is that guy) noticed that many users from other nationalities started joining the wiki despite our only wiki in another language being the Philippian one. Therefore, it was decided that we could become the founder of a new foreign-language SBFW. So far, two more have been created: the French one and the Thai one.
=== Project Podcast 2017 by Vanilla Ploop ===
A new project is planned to take place this year: Project Podcast 2017. It's a podcast about the wiki in 2017 and it's a project. So original... *cough*Seven Radio*cough*
== Sports ==
Hello, I'm JackHackers. This is my first issue :D
===Super Bowl 51===
That's right, folks, the biggest game of the year is here! The Super Bowl is The Cheaters...Erm, I mean, The Patriots vs The Falcons. Who will win? The Falcons is a scoring machine. So it's obviously that the Falcons will win! (Unless if the Patriots cheat as usual.)
== Weather ==
=== UK ===
Tea-drinkers first, thank you. This week is gonna be partly cloudy with eleven degrees Celsius on Monday and a bit of sunshine on Friday with six degrees Celsius (if you prefer Fahrenheit deal with it).
=== USA ===
Same story, partly cloudy all week with minus three degrees Celsius on Monday and seventeen on Friday.
=== Philippines ===
29 on Monday, 30 on Friday.
wow, this is easy, BONUS ROUND!
=== France ===
7 on mon, 6 on fri
=== Thailand ===
29 on mon, 30 for fri
== Puzzles Section ==
=== Last Week's Answers ===
did last issue even have any puzzles?
=== This Week's Puzzles ===
===Riddles of the Week===
1:
In a street there are five houses, painted five different colours. In each house lives a person of different nationality. These five homeowners each drink a different kind of beverage, smoke a different brand of cigar and keep a different pet. Who owns the fish?
HINTS
 1. The Brit lives in a red house. 
 2. The Swede keeps dogs as pets. 
 3. The Dane drinks tea. 
 4. The Green house is next to, and on the left of the White house. 
 5. The owner of the Green house drinks coffee. 
 6. The person who smokes Pall Mall rears birds. 
 7. The owner of the Yellow house smokes Dunhill. 
 8. The man living in the centre house drinks milk. 
 9. The Norwegian lives in the first house. 
 10. The man who smokes Blends lives next to the one who keeps cats. 
 11. The man who keeps horses lives next to the man who smokes Dunhill. 
 12. The man who smokes Blue Master drinks beer. 
 13. The German smokes Prince. 
 14. The Norwegian lives next to the blue house. 
 15. The man who smokes Blends has a neighbour who drinks water.   
I'm hysterically laughing right now.
2:
There were four men on a boat but not a single person. How? That should be quite easy, I think.
====Guess That User! (Part 4)====
1. _______
2.______________
3.____
4._________
5.___
Clues:
1. GET IN THE DAMN BAG!
2. A disgrace to this wiki.
3. The boss.
4. You have one notification.
5. The Silly Adventures of Patrick Star
== SpongeBot's Fanon Reviews ==
a
== Closing Speech ==
bye
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