Goofballs/March 23, 2016

==Screenplay==
SCENE 1
FADE IN:
EXT. SEPTEM CITY - STREETS
SOUND: HIGH-FREQ RINGING, POLICE SIRENS, HELICOPTERS WHIRRING
TOPH lies on the ground, stunned, next to a fallen building and a layer of dust. A few police cars surround the scene, and a police helicopter floats above.
Soon, VIOLET, BOB and DA NERD rush to him.
VIOLET
(breathing heavily)
Toph! Toph! Toph!
DA NERD
Oh, my God!
BOB
(with serious tone)
Toph. (shakes, pats face)
Come on, buddy, get up.
Toph soon awakes from unconsciousness.
TOPH
Wh... what happened?
BOB
Toph, do you have any memory of
what just happened?
TOPH
(strained)
Uh... no. Actually, I can’t
remember anything.
VIOLET
Alright, we gotta get you home.
Bob lifts Toph and carries him over his shoulder.
TOPH
Wait, what’s-- what’s happening?
Who are you?
BOB
Shh-shh-shh-shh-shh... 
They walk away from the scene, off into the distance.
INT. CITY HALL - ROOM TOPH
Cold water from a large bucket splashes onto Toph’s face, the committer being Bob.
VIOLET
Wait, you’re not doing enough.
You gotta--
BOB
No, it’s fine, he’s waking up.
VIOLET
No, you-- give me that.
Violet yanks the bucket away and proceeds to splash a significant amount of water into Toph’s face. Toph, having been awake the entire time, grows more frustrated with each splash.
BOB
Okay, no, that’s too much.
Here, let me--
VIOLET
No, no, I got it.
The two begin to fight over the bucket, effectively splashing more and more water into Toph’s face at the same time. Eventually, this proves to be too much for the now fully conscious Toph and he fuels with anger.
TOPH
(gasping for air, drowning)
Okay, that’s enough!
The two stop fighting and Bob sets the bucket down on the floor.
TOPH (CONT’D)
(more calmly)
I’m awake now. Now, can someone
tell me what the hell is going on?
And get me a rag?
Da Nerd silently hands Toph a towel, and he begins drying his soaked face off with it.
BOB
Alright, I’ll tell you from the
beginning. So, it all--
VIOLET
Wait, no, you egg, I’m gonna
tell him.
BOB
No, I’m gonna tell him.
VIOLET
I doubt it.
BOB
You little--
DA NERD
Alright, stop! I’ll tell him.
(beat) God.
(to Toph)
Okay. So it all started quite a
while back.
EXT. SEPTEM INN - ENTRANCE
A small car pulls up to the Septem Inn. WILLIAM steps outside from the hotel and approaches the car. JASON, Violet and Bob, inside the car, gesture him in. William enters the car. The car drives off.
INT. CAR
Jason drives, Violet sits in the passenger seat, while Bob and William sit in the back.
OTHERS (collectively)
Hey, William.
WILLIAM
What took you guys so long?
JASON
Well, there was this woman driving
in front of us for a while who was
going, like, 20 miles under the
limit, so we had to deal with that
for a while.
BOB
Yeah, until Violet threw a rock at
her window. It was pretty badass.
VIOLET
(smugly)
Yeah, that bitch never saw what
was coming.
WILLIAM
Wait, you threw a rock at someone’s
car? Isn’t that, like, illegal?
BOB
By “illegal,” do you mean... 
against the law?
WILLIAM
Um, yeah?
BOB
Oh. Then yeah, that would be
considered illegal.
JASON
It was pretty badass though,
I have to say.
VIOLET
Oh, please, I’ve done worse.
This one time, I shoplifted the
entire series box set of Pound Jungle
out of a Target. Just walked right out.
(beat) Th-that’s not really worse
than throwing a rock at someone’s
car, but you know.
WILLIAM
So anyways, where are we going
for breakfast?
JASON
There’s this new place I want to try;
it’s this ice cream parlor not too far
from here.
BOB
(concernedly)
Wait, Jason, we’re having ice cream
for breakfast?
JASON
Uh... yeah?
BOB
Oh, hell yeah, I’m in.
VIOLET
Same. I’ve desensitized myself to
sugar over the years so it shouldn’t
do any harm.
WILLIAM
You desensitized yourself to sugar?
How?
VIOLET
It’s pretty simple. I don’t eat
anything that doesn’t have sugar in it.
WILLIAM
Isn’t that, like, unhealthy?
VIOLET
Probably.
WILLIAM
Well, I’m in on the ice-cream-
for-breakfast thing too.
JASON
Okay, it’s not that far away.
I’ve heard some pretty good
things about it--
The car, crossing an intersection, suddenly gets rammed by a speeder coming from the side. The car spins off and ends up on the side of the road, dead, with smoke coming from the hood.
VIOLET
Is everyone okay?
WILLIAM
(groans) Y-yeah.
JASON
Yeah.
BOB
No, I hit my head on the ceiling.
VIOLET
Well, tough tits.
The four step out of the car. The car as a whole looks totaled.
The car that rammed them lies not too far away, also stopped and equally totaled. Violet decides to approach the car, from which a woman steps out.
VIOLET
What the hell were you thinking?
WOMAN
What the hell were you thinking
throwing a goddamned rock at my car?
VIOLET
Does it matter? You could have
killed somebody, anybody, including
yourself!
WOMAN
You know, what gives you the right--
VIOLET
What gives you the right to use that
tone of sass with me?
Violet and the other woman continue while William, Bob and Jason inspect their car.
JASON
Yep. It’s completely totaled.
WILLIAM
Well, no. You can’t say that yet.
BOB
Um, yeah. The engine’s smoked,
it won’t start.
WILLIAM
Bob, you don’t know that.
(to Jason)
Keys.
Jason irresponsibly tosses William, at 12 years old, the keys.
William tries to start the car, but the engine stutters with each attempt. He eventually gives up.
WILLIAM
Okay, maybe it’s totaled.
JASON
Told you.
WILLIAM
But!
BOB
“But” what? There’s no chance
we’ll get it fixed.
WILLIAM
We can push it.
Bob and Jason start walking off in one direction. William shortly follows.
WILLIAM
What? It’s a good idea!
They stop walking.
JASON
If you think for a second that I’m
going to push this 20-year-old
worthless car--
WILLIAM
We. We’re going to push it.
JASON
Yeah, no.
Jason and Bob continue walking. William follows.
BOB
(to Violet, cutting her off)
Come on, Violet.
Violet sneaks one last hateful glare with her fist clenched at the other woman, then walks with the others.
WILLIAM
Wait, so are we just going to leave
the car here then?
JASON
Looks like it.
BOB
Wait, no, Jason, we can’t just do that.
JASON
Why not? Look at it-- it’s worthless.
VIOLET
Well, I mean, there’s an auto shop
actually not too far from here.
We could, like... 
WILLIAM
Push it?
VIOLET
Or, you know, call them, but
pushing it sounds fun.
BOB
See, the thing is, I don’t really
want to push it, so... 
JASON
Yeah... 
VIOLET
Come on, you wussies.
CUT TO:
Jason, Bob, Violet and William all stand in position behind the car.
VIOLET
Ready? Push!
As soon as Violet says this, they all struggle to push the car, making little progress.
VIOLET
Push!
(beat)
Push!
BOB
Okay, you don’t have to keep saying
“push,” we get it.
The four all stop, breathless.
JASON
Yeah, I don’t think pushing it’s
going to work.
WILLIAM
Yeah, okay, sorry, this was a
bad idea.
BOB
So what are we supposed to do then?
VIOLET
Um... (beat) push it?
Bob and Jason both simultaneously smack their faces.
A truck comes by on the road, pulls over and stops near the four. ADAM comes from the driver’s door and approaches the four.
ADAM
Car troubles?
JASON
Yeah, it’s totaled. You can have a look
at it but I doubt you can do anything
about it.
ADAM
	Well, you know, there’s an auto shop
not too far from here. They might be
able to help you out with it.
BOB
Yeah, we knew that, but we don’t
really have any way of getting there.
ADAM
I can tow it there.
JASON
Yeah, no, you’re not towing it.
What are you? You look about 10.
ADAM
11, actually, and I’ve done this
before. My dad’s a tow truck driver.
JASON
Kind of figured that, what with the...
tow truck you got there. (beat) So,
what’s your name?
Jason hops into the tow truck, and Adam tosses him the keys.
ADAM
Adam.
Jason starts the engine, and everyone stays static for a few moments.
JASON
(to others)
Well? Get in.
The others get in.
EXT. GHASTLY’S AUTO SHOP - ENTRANCE
Jason tows the car into the parking lot of Ghastly’s Auto Shop, at which point he turns off the engine and they all get out of the tow truck.
Jason tosses the keys back to Adam.
JASON
Hey, thanks again for letting us
use this. We owe you one.
ADAM
Hey, it’s no problem.
Adam drives off in the tow truck, while the others walk inside the auto shop.
INT. GHASTLY’S AUTO SHOP
A bell rings on the door as they each step inside. GHASTLY, standing behind the front counter, talks on his flip phone.
GHASTLY
(angrily)
No, I said I wanted those orders in
by Tuesday... Well, how was I supposed
to know that? Look, just call me when
you have the parts and... what?--
O-Okay, look, I gotta go. (beat) Love
you too, mum.
Ghastly turns his attention to the four.
GHASTLY
Oh hey, guys. What do you need?
JASON
Hey, Ghastly. Um, our car got
sidewinded by an angry middle-aged
woman, is there any chance you can
take a look at it?
GHASTLY
Sure. Anything for you guys.
EXT. AUTO SHOP - PARKING LOT
Ghastly steps outside. The four follow.
Ghastly approaches the totaled car, and opens up the hood to inspect it. However, he is overcome with confusion. A few moments of silence pass by.
BOB
Well?
GHASTLY
Um... how old did you say this
car was?
JASON
Around 20 years; it was used
when we got it.
GHASTLY
Uh, yeah, um... it’s dead. It’s
totaled. Worthless.
JASON
Told ya.
BOB
Well, so what are we supposed to do?
GHASTLY
That’s not really my problem.
VIOLET
Alright, plan B then.
Violet throws her arm back and smashes the driver’s window of a minivan parked next to her. The alarm blares, and she opens the door through the window.
The others instinctively get in, and Violet speeds off.
INT. MINIVAN
A few moments of shocked silence pass by.
WILLIAM
So are we still getting ice cream?
SCENE 2
EXT. CITY HALL - ENTRANCE
A minivan, crudely embroidered by plain text reading “SEPTEM CITY MANAGEMENT” sits in the parking lot at the entrance of the small City Hall office building. Snow covers the outside of the parking lot and around the building.
INT. CITY HALL - CONFERENCE ROOM
Bob, William and Da Nerd sit at a large table in a conference room in City Hall, boredly, some twiddling their thumbs impatiently.
Violet walks through the door, holding a briefcase.
VIOLET
Hey, sorry I’m late, I just really didn’t
want to be here. Let’s get started.
Violet walks to the front of the room, sets her briefcase down on the table and opens it. It’s empty.
VIOLET
I don’t know why I did that. I don’t even
know why I brought this. Anyways... 
Violet takes a remote out of her pocket and hits a button on it. The projector screen at the front of the room suddenly flashes a projection of a crudely-made PowerPoint.
VIOLET (CONT’D)
What I’m here about today is an issue
that’s been facing us for years now.
Well, a couple months, same difference.
William silently raises his hand.
VIOLET
(flatly)
No, William, it’s not about the grape
juice in the lobby.
William puts his hand down.
Violet clicks a button on the remote. It goes to a slide with WordArt text reading “Security”.
BOB
Let me guess. Secu--
VIOLET
Security. Yeah. The problem? It’s low.
Specifically, at the city entrance.
Violet clicks her remote. It goes to the next slide, showing a crudely-drawn battle scene.
VIOLET (CONT’D)
You see, ever since the Number War,
in a fight of the Sevens-- that’s us--
and the Eights, there have been Eights
trying to sneak back in. Yeah. I know.
DA NERD
Wait, what? What “Eight War”? What?
BOB
Number. Number War.
WILLIAM
Wait, do you actually not know the
story of one of the greatest events
in Septem City history?
DA NERD
Um, no?
WILLIAM
Alright, well, let me tell you. It
started about--
VIOLET
Yeah, no, no, no, the animators don’t
have enough time for that. Anyways,
what we need is a way to keep these
Eights out. Raising security at the
entrance is my idea, but we don’t have
any money, so anyone else?
The others sit in silence for a few moments. Da Nerd suddenly stands up and snaps.
DA NERD
I got it. Wristbands.
BOB
(beat) W-What the hell are you talking about?
DA NERD
We give everyone a wristband when
they enter the city. That way we can
keep track of who’s an... Eight and
who’s not.
WILLIAM
How are we going to do that?
DA NERD
We run a system that has a database
of every wristband. We invalidate
wristbands that belong to an Eight.
VIOLET
Okay, I literally just said we don’t
have any money.
DA NERD
I carry server stuff on me when
travelling.
VIOLET
(beat) Okay, let’s do it. We got
nothing to lose.
BOB
Violet, we have like, a population of 600.
VIOLET
We got nothing to lose.
EXT. SEPTEM CITY - ENTRANCE
Da Nerd starts implementing a wristband scanner system at the entrance of the city.
WILLIAM
Wait, so I’m confused. How are
we going to actually do this?
DA NERD
It’s simple. We have the mailing
address of everyone in Septem City.
We send everyone a wristband and
also give one to anyone who comes in,
if they don’t already have one.
VIOLET
Well, can’t an Eight just come in not
wearing one and get a new one?
DA NERD
Ah, but that’s why we make them
childproof.
Da Nerd turns on the scanner and takes out a prototype wristband. He scans it with the scanner, and a light on the scanner blinks green.
DA NERD
Alright, that one’s a Seven.
What happens if we scan an Eight?
He proceeds to scan a different wristband. It blinks red and several alarms blare.
DA NERD
(convincingly)
Huh?
VIOLET
(flatly)
Wow, you’ve really done it this time.
2 months working here and you can work
the wristband scanner you stole from
Septem Park.
DA NERD
Shh.
BOB
So, how is this scanner linked to
the system at all? I don’t see how
this works.
DA NERD
(beat) Crap, I should probably do that.
Okay, I’ll be back.
Da Nerd runs off.
INT. CITY HALL - ROOM DA NERD
Inside his room, Da Nerd sets up a server and a laptop while inputting some test codes into the database. Bob, William and Violet hover over him in amazement.
DA NERD
Alright, it should be live in
just a few moments and we’ll get to
make sure this actually works.
VIOLET
So, like, what all are you actually
doing, exactly?
DA NERD
Oh, I’m just linking the network between
the scanner system and the laptop
and running a few ping tests to make
sure the database is updating on both,
and also assigning a few values--
BOB
God, you’re such a nerd.
DA NERD
Excuse me?
VIOLET
Yeah, he’s a nerd, but he’s, like,
the alpha nerd. He’s “da bomb.com.”
WILLIAM
Like, (beat) “Da Nerd.”
DA NERD
Wow, I have never hated a nickname
more. Don’t call me that. (beat)
Anyways, this should be up and
running, like, right... now.
A debug console promptly pops up on Da Nerd’s screen, covering a small portion of it, and reads a few lines.
DA NERD
(quietly)
Called it.
BOB
But, like, now we still have to do
work and mail a bunch of wristbands.
DA NERD
Yeah, we have to... make the wristbands
too... b-but it’ll be worth it, I-I guess.
VIOLET
Okay... how much is that going to cost?
DA NERD
Um, like... 2 or 3 hundred... grand.
VIOLET
What?
DA NERD
Rough estimate-- there’s about 600 people
living here, prototype itself was $500... 
VIOLET
How much money do you think we actually
have? (improvise line)
BOB
Violet, hold on. Security is our
number-one concern right now. It’s
worth shelling out a bit to keep
the Eights out.
WILLIAM
He’s right, you know.
VIOLET
Ugh. (beat) Fine, but we’re
taxing them for it.
EXT. SEPTEM CITY - ENTRANCE
SUPERIMPOSE: A few weeks later
People coming through the city pass through the wristband scanner, which constantly blinks green and dings with each person. Violet and Da Nerd stand close by to watch.
DA NERD
See? Nothing I do ever fails.
VIOLET
Wow, you’re a real piece of work.
DA NERD
Yeah. Bet you’re glad you took the
leap and hired me now, aren’t you?
Violet simply grunts slyly, rolling her eyes.
Suddenly, the scanner starts blaring a siren and blinking red. A man walking through, his wristband also blinking red, tries to run, but Da Nerd walks towards him with his palm up.
DA NERD
Hey, stop right there!
The man quickly reacts and sprays a bottle of mace at Da Nerd, then makes for an escape.
VIOLET
Holy shit.
Violet blows a whistle, prompting Bob and William to come into the scene and they quickly tackle the man, putting him in handcuffs. Violet goes to Da Nerd.
VIOLET
Hey, you okay?
DA NERD
Yeah, just a little... blind.
(beat) It’s weird, I expected the
glasses to help a little.
The man tries to struggle out of Bob’s and William’s grasp but they continue holding tight, walking him towards the entrance gate. They promptly start to question him fiercely.
DA NERD
You know what-- the wristband thing’s
not going to be enough. What we
really need is actual security,
people to guard the entrance.
VIOLET
Okay, yeah, that would have been
a lot better of an idea. Let’s do that.
DA NERD
Okay, but I’m not saying we should
get rid of the wristband thing either.
Just, you know, add more to it.
VIOLET
Cool. That just means we have to
raise taxes more.
The man suddenly takes a swing at Bob, who ducks, and the fist hits William. William goes down and the man makes a run for it. Violet runs towards the man and tackles him down. Bob regains his grasp on the man and Violet walks back towards Da Nerd.
DA NERD
How are you guys so good at
tackling?
VIOLET
Um, we used to play football a lot
in City Hall un-until our moms found
out and we had to stop.
SCENE 3
INT. CITY HALL - LOBBY
Violet sits boredly at the front counter, twiddling a pencil to make it look rubber.
Toph walks through the front door.
TOPH
Hey.
VIOLET
What?
TOPH
Um, I’m here about the, uh,
job interview.
VIOLET
Cool.
TOPH
(awkwardly)
(beat) So, uh... yeah... 
who do I talk to about that?
Violet suddenly sits up and puts her pencil down.
VIOLET
Résumé?
TOPH
Oh, yeah.
Toph grabs the résumé from his jacket pocket and sets it on the desk. Violet continues staring right at Toph. They sit in awkward silence for a few moments.
TOPH
(beat) So are you going to
read it or... 
Violet sighs and holds the résumé up to her face to read it, sets it down after a few seconds, then proceeds to stare at Toph for a few more moments.
TOPH
So... 
Violet picks up the pencil and starts twiddling it again.
TOPH
(strictly)
Hey.
Violet stops.
TOPH (CONT’D)
Did I get the job or not?
VIOLET
Okay, geez, chill. Yeah. We’ll
take anyone we can get. You’re hired.
TOPH
Wait, really?
VIOLET
No. Go upstairs.
TOPH
(beat) Like, where upstairs?
VIOLET
Go.
Toph slowly and awkwardly starts to step away.
VIOLET
(more forcefully)
Go.
Toph starts running towards the staircase, but trips and falls O.S. Violet laughs softly.
INT. CITY HALL - SECOND FLOOR HALLWAY
Toph walks down the hallway, all doors closed. He looks around wonderingly.
TOPH
Hello?
William suddenly stands in front of Toph, who steps back a little in shock.
WILLIAM
Can I help you?
TOPH
Um, yeah, I have a... job interview?
WILLIAM
Oh, okay, you’ll have to go see
Da Nerd about that.
DA NERD (O.S.)
I told you not to call me that.
WILLIAM
He’s the last room on the left.
Toph walks towards Da Nerd’s room.
INT. CITY HALL - ROOM DA NERD
Da Nerd sits at his desk, and swivels his chair around to face Toph, who stands at the doorway.
DA NERD
Hi.
TOPH
Hey.
Toph eyes the keyboard standing at one wall.
TOPH (CONT’D)
Nice keyboard.
DA NERD
Thanks. You play?
TOPH
Music is my hobby but I haven’t
held a real job in years.
DA NERD
And now you want to get into
city management?
TOPH
Um, yeah, pretty much.
DA NERD
Alright, let me see your résumé.
TOPH
Oh, that chick downstairs took it.
DA NERD
I know. She scanned and sent it to me.
TOPH
That’s so unnecessary.
Da Nerd pulls up Toph’s résumé on his computer.
DA NERD
I know. By the way, that “chick”
is Violet. She’s, like, the boss
around here. (beat) Alright, let’s
see... “Toph.” Nice name.
TOPH
-Thanks, it was a gift from my parents.
-Thanks, my parents gave me it.
-Thanks, my parents picked it out.
DA NERD
(beat) Wait, did you put yourself
down as a reference?
TOPH
I-It said to list a previous employer.
I self-release my music.
DA NERD
Mm-hmm... (beat) Well, I think you
fit qualifications.
Da Nerd reaches into a drawer in his desk and pulls out a key. He tosses it to Toph, but the key misses his hand completely.
TOPH
Oh, crap. My fault.
DA NERD
No, no, it was a bad throw.
TOPH
No, no, no, I take full responsibility.
I can’t catch to save my life.
DA NERD
No, no, it was my bad. I hooked
it too much on the release.
TOPH
No, I could have caught it easily.
It was my fault.
DA NERD
(firmly)
It was a bad throw.
TOPH
(quietly)
Okay... geez.
Toph picks up the key off the ground.
TOPH
So what is this?
DA NERD
The key to the City Hall building... 
i.e. this building.
TOPH
But... the door’s always open.
DA NERD
(beat) Oh yeah. (beat) So, you
should stay for lunch. I’d bet
we’d all want to get to know you
a little more.
TOPH
Um, actually, I kind of--
DA NERD
(firmly)
Stay.
TOPH
(softly)
Okay.
Violet peeks her head into the room.
VIOLET
Hey, lunch is here.
DA NERD
Oh, cool.
Toph follows Da Nerd downstairs to the lobby.
INT. CITY HALL - LOBBY
TOPH
Wait, why are we going to the lobby?
DA NERD
Uh, well, we don’t have an actual
defined spot for eating, so we meet
together in the lobby.
TOPH
What if someone comes in when
you’re eating?
Da Nerd simply walks over to the “closed” sign on the door and turns it over so it reads “closed” from the outside.
TOPH
Gotcha.
Toph eyes the vending machine at one corner of the room and walks towards it.
Violet takes out a few to-go boxes from a bag on a table and sets them in front of each of the 5 chairs surrounding the table.
BOB
Uh, Violet, you set a place
for Jason again.
VIOLET
It’s for Toph, dumbass.
Bob just then notices Toph, who grabs a can from the vending machine.
BOB
(to Toph)
Oh, hey. You’re the new guy, right?
TOPH
Yeah.
Toph snaps open the can and begins to lift it towards his mouth.
BOB
Oh, um, you’re really not supposed
to have grape soda in here, since
we carpeted the floor.
TOPH
I’m a big boy, I think I can handle
a can of grape soda without spilling it.
Toph takes a sip from the can, and soda dribbles from his lip and splats on the carpet below.
TOPH
Oh, crap.
WILLIAM
See, that’s why we shouldn’t allow
grape soda in the vending machines
anymore-- why do we even have vending
machines in City Hall anyway?
VIOLET
Toph, I didn’t really know what to get
you, so, uh... 
Violet opens the box at Toph’s spot.
VIOLET (CONT’D)
I didn’t get you anything.
Toph sits down.
BOB
So... Toph, I believe.
TOPH
Yeah.
BOB
Tell us a little about yourself.
TOPH
Well, I--
VIOLET
Eh-eh-eh-eh, let the résumé do the
talking.
TOPH
What?--
Violet takes out Toph’s résumé and holds it up to her face.
VIOLET
Let’s see... “Toph.” Straightforward.
No last name?
TOPH
No, I changed my name for the
aesthetic.
VIOLET
Right... (beat) Nice transcript.
Lots of As... ooh, an A-minus.
TOPH
Wait, my transcript’s not on there... 
VIOLET
I know, I looked it up.
WILLIAM
Okay, why don’t we actually just let
Toph talk?
VIOLET
Wh-- we have everything we need to know
right here.
WILLIAM
Toph?
Violet groans.
TOPH
Okay, hi, so, yeah, my name is Toph.
I used to do music, but that didn’t
really work out.
WILLIAM
Wait. I might have heard of you.
TOPH
I really doubt it-- my last album
sold 2 copies.
WILLIAM
Yeah, I bought one-- 31st of Octopher?
TOPH
Holy crap, yeah. Dude.
WILLIAM
Yeah. I mean, it’s total garbage, but yeah.
TOPH
Huh. I wonder who bought the other one.
(beat) It might have been me.
BOB
So, I’m Bob, and uh, I’ve actually got
a few questions for you.
TOPH
Alright.
BOB
Okay, first... do you use any
intravenous drugs?
VIOLET
Wait, what?
TOPH
Um... 
BOB
It’s a yes or no question, Toph.
TOPH
Uh, no.
BOB
Moving on, what day is it?
TOPH
Uh, Tuesday?
BOB
Is-is that a question or--?
TOPH
(affirmatively)
Tuesday.
BOB
Right. What color is my underwear?
TOPH
What?
VIOLET
Bob. (sighs) Toph, I want to know
why you’re even in Septem City. We’re
literally in the middle of nowhere.
Like, this is the center of
Nowhere County.
TOPH
Well, I read this article about a city
that was being run by teenagers so
I decided to check it out. How did you
guys end up running this place anyway?
VIOLET
Well, my grandma died a few years ago,
and it turns out this land was in the will
under my name. No idea why she gave
it to me. Anyway, my parents got tired
of me and moved out a little while later,
so I decided to do something with
this land.
TOPH
So, why’d you get these goons instead of,
you know, actual politicians?
VIOLET
Well, Bob and William have been my friends
for a while, and they’re freakin’ push-
overs.
TOPH
What about... what’s-his-face?
VIOLET
Oh, Nerd?
DA NERD
Oh, my God. How many times have
I specifically said... ugh. Yeah, they
call me Da Nerd but my real name’s
SCENE 4
EXT. IRMJII’S ICE CREAM PARLOR - ENTRANCE
Many cars fill the parking lot of IRmjii’s Ice Cream Parlor. From inside, lights flash and electronic dance music blares.
INT. IRMJII’S ICE CREAM PARLOR
Hovering over the bar is a banner that reads “Congratulations, Weston”. WESTON sits at the bar alone, one hand on his drink.
Violet, Bob, William and Da Nerd rush over to Weston.
BOB
Hey, Wes. How’s the man of the night?
WESTON
(awkwardly)
Um... okay, I guess.
WILLIAM
Dude, lighten up. It’s a party,
not a funeral.
WESTON
No, no, no, I’m... light. Just... 
I’ll catch up with you guys later.
DA NERD
Alright, see ya, Weston.
OTHERS
See ya.
The gang walk away and stand closer to the crowd near the center of the parlor.
VIOLET
This is actually a pretty kick-ass party.
WILLIAM
Yeah, in honor of the saddest person
in the world. I mean, look at him.
Weston chugs his entire drink in one gulp.
BOB
(beat) Wait, isn’t he underage?
Da Nerd accidentally bumps into someone, effectively spilling his drink all over him.
DA NERD
Oh-- sorry. Um... 
The person looks up, revealing it to be Toph.
DA NERD
(awkwardly)
Oh... hey... Toph. Didn’t expect
to see you here.
TOPH
Yeah, I didn’t even know about this--
I was just walking and heard some
bomb music so I decided to check it out.
DA NERD
Yeah, we kinda forgot to invite you.
Whoops.
TOPH
Alright, well, whatever. I’m gonna
go check out that game they’re playing
over there.
DA NERD
Alright.
Toph walks off.
VIOLET
Nerd.
DA NERD
What?
VIOLET
What the hell? Did you invite him?
DA NERD
No, he just kind of came in.
VIOLET
Wh-- how did he get past the usher?
DA NERD
Last I heard, the usher’s getting high
in the bathroom.
VIOLET
Wh-- 
(under breath)
damn it, Tanner. 
(normal voice)
Listen, you got to get that buzzkill
out of here.
DA NERD
But... ugghh... 
VIOLET
That’s an order.
DA NERD
(sighs) Fine. I’ll see what I
can do.
Da Nerd walks towards the crowd, surrounding a screen.
Violet turns back to Bob and William.
VIOLET
Alright, he’s doing that.
What do you guys want to do?
BOB
Um, get blitzed off our freakin’
asses, that’s what.
WILLIAM
No, no, Bob, we should find out
what’s wrong with Weston.
BOB
What? Screw Weston.
WILLIAM
Bob.
VIOLET
Okay, yeah, Will’s right.
Come on.
Bob groans, and the three walk over to Weston, who the bartender hands another drink, which he chugs.
VIOLET
Hey, Wes.
WESTON
Hi...? What’s up?
VIOLET
Are... are you okay? (beat) Or 21?
WILLIAM
Violet.
WESTON
Uh... yeah... 
VIOLET
That didn’t sound like a genuine
“yeah.” What’s up?
WESTON
Nothing. Just drinking away the
fact that I can’t handle social
situations and a party setting like
this is the perfect opportunity
to avoid people.
Weston chugs yet another drink.
BOB
Okay. Slow down.
WILLIAM
Weston, why didn’t you say anything
when we said we’re throwing a
party for you?
WESTON
Because... I... that would have
been... awkward.
VIOLET
Okay, Wes, if you weren’t okay
with something like this, you should
have told us-- we didn’t have to have
a huge party.
WILLIAM
Yeah.
BOB
We-we could have thrown the party
and not invited Weston.
VIOLET
Bob.
BOB
(beat) Sorry.
WESTON
No, no, it’s okay, I-- you already
went through all the trouble and I--
now I feel bad and...
VIOLET
Okay, Weston, here’s what I’m going
to do. I’m going to fix you.
WESTON
You’re what?
VIOLET
I’m gonna buy you, like, 6 more
beers and you’re going to be the
life of the party.
WILLIAM
Wait-wait-wait, Violet, is
that the best idea?
VIOLET
Better than him sitting over here
all alone.
BOB
Alright, well if Weston’s getting
hammered, so am I.
VIOLET
Bob, you’re not 21 either--
Bob shushes her and sits at the bar next to Weston.
The bartender sets down two mugs of beer and they both chug theirs.
INT. IRMJII’S ICE CREAM PARLOR - CROWD
Loud music blares out of speakers on either side of a large flat-screen TV. In front of the TV stands SIMON, wielding a plastic guitar, who plays the final notes of a song.
The crowd cheers and Simon walks off, among 3 other people, who all leave their plastic instruments.
IRMJII (O.S.)
Alright, good set, guys. Up next in the
Battle of the Bands is, uh, Toph.
Like the band name-- simple and short.
Da Nerd eyes Toph in the crowd and rushes to him, but ends up spilling his drink on him again. He looks up.
TOPH
Today is really not your day.
DA NERD
Okay, hi, listen. Um, this is
kind of awkward but like, since
you weren’t, you know, like, invited--
TOPH
Okay, wait, I gotta go.
DA NERD
Wait, what, why?
TOPH
I’m up. That’s me.
Toph walks on-stage and takes one of the plastic guitars. However, no one else joins him. IRmjii walks on-stage towards Toph.
IRMJII
Hey, is it just you?
TOPH
Uh, yeah. I mean, I’ve never
actually played before.
IRMJII
Oh, good luck. What’s your name?
TOPH
Toph.
IRMJII
(into mic)
Toph will be taking on the Battle of
the Bands solo. (beat) That’s gotta
be tough. Best of luck.
IRmjii walks off-stage. Toph slowly crawls through the list of songs. The crowd indecipherably shouts requests.
INT. IRMJII’S ICE CREAM PARLOR - BAR
Bob slams down his mug forcefully, and wobbles.
VIOLET
And Bob’s still going strong at
6 drinks. Let’s see how the competition
is doing.
We pan slowly to Weston passed out on the floor.
VIOLET (CONT’D)
Oh.
WILLIAM
Hey, Violet, I don’t think this is
really that great of an idea. I mean,
what if something serious happens?
What if Bob’s liver fails, or-or it gets
out that he was drinking underage?
VIOLET
William, did you forget that we’re
City Hall? We can do anything we want.
The bartender hands Violet a martini glass. She raises it in the air.
VIOLET
Cheers.
Violet takes in the entirety of the glass in one sip.
Category:Notdn
Category:2016
Category:2019
Category:Transcripts
Category:Movie Transcripts
Category:2010s