UWEB Newsletter Vol. 1, No. 1

UWEB Newsletter Vol. 1, No. 1 is the first issue of the newsletter published by the official Residents fan club UWEB. The newsletter was published in December 1988.
== The newsletter ==
:"When Edweena made me mushrooms,
:she ate the grate and ground the groom;
:My mother made me eat boysenberries,
:but my gracious sakes just ate me first."
:Calling cards and polling wards
:Are just too many. See?
:Calling cards and winking bards
:are just a way to see?
:Calling cards and winking bards
:are just the way to be?
:Falling guards and winking bards are
:just a need today.
:Falling guards and winking bards are
:just my needs, okay? Okay?
:Okay? Okay? Okay? Okay? Okay? Okay?
:Okay? Okay? Okay? Okay? Okay? Okay?
:Okay? Okay? Okay? Okay? Okay?
:Okay? Okay? Okay? Okay? Okay?
:Okay? Okay? Okay? Okay?
:Okay? Okay? Okay? Okay?
:Okay? Okay? Okay? Okay?
:To show or to, to be shown is a question never, even not known, by many to exist.
:* An excerpt from Never Known Questions, on Not Available
=== Willie's Helpful Hints ===
Compact Discs are not indestructible. If you have one that jumps or repeats, first try wiping the disc from center to edges all the way around. If it has an obvious scratch, try using Brasso metal polish. Gently massage the scratch by rubbing along it rather than across it. The scratch will disappear and the disc will play correctly. It can do wonders for used CD's.
=== Why CD's? ===
New technology can be a pain in the pocket-book. I know that not everyone has a CD player. I do count on everyone having sufficient access to a CD player to get a cassette copy of their CDs. The USA has a record problem. Our vinyl product is inferior. There is a reason for it, too. Pure vinyl, which makes those nice sounding discs possible, releases cancer causing poisons when it is heated. It is against the law to use this stuff in pressing plants. CD's represent our best hope for quality reproduction of music. In San Francisco TOWER RECORDS recently opened a CD ONLY store and the prices are very competitive against vinyl. Your Uncle Willie believes in CD's
=== Uncle Willie's Culture Corner ===
You know the feeling. You walk into the CD store. Your love life isn't going great. Plastic is burning a hole in your pocket. You want to buy. But you want to buy something good. Something new. Something to make you feel life again.
I suspect we all have made discoveries in the odd sections of record stores. We can help each other. You know your Uncle Willie has supremo taste and a wider than usual knowledge of musical oddities, but I bet a lot of you out there have Hidden Treasures* to share with the readers.
Mail in a list of your five favorite Hidden Treasures* and we might publish them.
=== UWEB?? ===
A lot of people will tell you that UWEB stands for "Uncle Willie's Eyeball Buddies". Don't you believe it.
Why? Because we all must suffer through one of the most vicious deceptions of history... a band that has eyeballs for heads that would just as soon lie as sit up. I for one prefer that they cut the crap and get on with the biz at hand, that of entertaining us with their pseudo-art. But they refuse, hiding behind some vague insistence that our entire world is but a collection of carefully concealed lies and that the only way to avoid lying destructively is to lie absurdly.
The problem is that they are right. But even these words roll off the brain with the sweet taste of deceit. Yes, my friends, truth has long been the playground for our fundamentalist, our right-wingers, our television, our sexual guardians. Not one word can be believed by the lot of them. Truth, it there dare be such a thing, will be found here in your Uncle Willie, because your Uncle Willie understands that reality has no shape, that love touches us where our leaders fear to tread, that hope means the possibility that each of us can be ourself peacefully. I report what I know, what I believe, what I fear. This organisation is concerned about your life's soundtrack. This is the best thing I can do to turn my otherwise useless life and this musical groups' excesses into some kind of dependable truth. Despite the pretences of eliteness, they do have something worthwhile to say. Perhaps we can figure out what it is together.
So what does UWEB stand for? The "U" could stand for you. "WE" could stand for we. "B" might as well stand for be. You/We think... therefore You/We B. And we all know what the big R stands for. We're going to slowly open their dresser and look at their drawers. Stick around. This might be fun.
=== Willie Watches ===
They just sold out. Isn't that that a great phrase. How many times have you heard it? Well, prepare to hear it some more. I have just heard a mix of the brand new Rz Land of a Thousand Dances. No, this is not one of those sly tongue-in-cheek recordings. This is an honest to Dio Dance Record. The fab four flew down to (Where else) L.A and checked in with dance music producer wiz, Willie Wilcox who paced them through some of the finer aspects of "getting down". While the track can be described as definitely residential, it none the less pounds out an undeniable dance beat.
According to Cryptic sources, Willie Wilcox had called several months ago suggesting that he would like to produce the boys in a redoing of the classic, Land of a Thousand Dances, which had been originally recorded for "The Third Reich N Roll" in 1975. We know that the orb heads cannot resist trying something new, so they agreed to "see what happened". The song is being shopped around L.A now to see what label, if any, wants to release it as a legitimate 12" dance disc. One of the ones suggested that "they" might become as famous as "Bananarama".
Torso/Boudisque, the record company in Europe, is having it's 20th Anniversary Bash November 26th in Amsterdam. Probably the place to be that day.
Speaking of dance 12"-ers, if you ran across a Belgium disc called "Even Now" by L&O, grab it. This guy named Luk Devrieze claims he wrote this song, "Even Now," but listen to it for 30 seconds and any fool can recognize "Diskomo" He didn't even bother to change the arrangement. Makes ya feel sorry for someone so lacking in talent that he pretends he writes other people's songs.
"God In Three Persons (the live show)" seems dead.
Despite the critical acclaim, G3P Show is not looking like an economically feasible project. If you ask me (and you didn't), the above DISCO item may be explained by the loss of the G3P Show. The new direction seems to be tied into the phrase "CUBE E". Curious.
What new record has 9 eyeballs on the front and three on the back? Why it's Balearic Beats, a new English release that contains the dance mix of Kawliga that was released by Torso. Torso also released the mix on a 3" CD and is threatening a new Acid House Mix.
Speaking of Acid House. What a bunch of record biz baloney. Yea, yea, yea.
What do I know? I'm just an old fly-caster. At least when I'm fishing... the only thing that smells fishy are the fish.
== See also ==
* UWEB
* Uncle Willie
Category:UWEB
Category:Newsletters
Category:Reference texts
Category:UWEB newsletters
Category:Uncle Willie