Skin Man Remastered

== Preamble ==
Skin Man Remastered is a two part book series intended to be a followup, successor, and reimagining of the original Skin Man Books. Though the majority of the two books could be read without having read the original books, this is ill-advised because the identity of these books hinge on the knowledge of the original and, as stated before, they also act as a followup to the story at the end of Skin Man 4. The Skin Man Remastered timeline takes place alongside that of the original books, and is the timeline that Silas converges the old timeline into at the end of Skin Man 4. The books' story give a reimagined recounting of the story of Skin Man 1, 2, and 3 along side references to Skin Man 4 and In a Skmal. As for characters, the books have reoccurring characters such as:
*Skinman
*Evil Man
*Blood Covered Grandpa
*The Wizard
*Jack Black
The books also host many new characters in these books that were not in the originals. Such characters are:
*Canadian Eminem
*Young Sheldon Dad
*Young Sheldon
*Dr.Sturgis
*Dumbass Looking Dogs
Skin Man Remastered is split into two books without chapters. Because of this, they will be segmented into two different sections with different acts.
==Skin Man Remastered Part 1==
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Skin Man Remastered Part 1 is the first of the two Skin Man Remastered Books and serves as the reimagining of Skin Man 1, 2, and the very beginning of Skin Man 3. Because of this, at the beginning, it can feel less coherent and more episodic than later in the book because of the incoherency and episodic-ness of the first two Skin Man Books.
===Act 1===
====Skinman is Hospitalized====
Act 1 of Skin Man Remastered starts similar to the first Skin Man Book, with Skinman introducing himself as a completely typical guy who has a face and doesn’t (occasionally) speak Arabic. The first deviation from the original story starts when The Wizard shows up. In this book, The Wizard shows up at the park Skinman is breaking the fourth wall in, and attempts to rob him, ending with The Wizard shooting Skinman in the face with magic bullets. The Wizard makes a quick escape, and soon after a doctor finds the wounded Skinman in the park, and after 12 and a half hours of hard work, builds a Lego helicopter and takes Skinman to the hospital.
At the hospital, Doctors rush to help Skinman, revealing that, tragically, he was shot in the nose, which with the magic of The Wizard's bullets would later become Skinman's Sound HoleSee Skinatomy. The doctors rush to give him IV when the helicopter lands, and prepare to do the thing. After an indeterminate but severely long time, Skinman wakes up in his hospital bed to the doctors telling him his surgery went perfectly, and then it is revealed that Skinman now (occasionally) speaks Arabic. Skinman is devastated by this, and after not taking a brand deal to become a TLC TV star to pay for his medical bills, he is kicked out of the hospital still in his bandages.
While walking home, Skinman passes out and sees a premonition...
Skinman falls unconscious and eventually wakes back up on the ground and is found by Blood Covered Grandpa. He helps Skinman up, tells him that his bandages have fallen off, and the two of them go back to Blood Covered Grandpa's house to show Skinman what he looks like. When they arrive, Skinman sees himself for the first time after the operation, now without a face. Skinman is devastated by this, but Blood Covered Grandpa comforts him by saying he still loves him. To cheer him up, he tells Skinman they aren't so different, showing him some old photos of his past, telling of how Blood Covered Grandpa became blood-covered.
====Blood Covered Grandpa's Backstory====
It was the 1940s, New York City...
At the time, if you had Nut Master you were a king, and Blood Covered Grandpa was a spry young non-blood-covered man looking to get himself a load of some good creamy nut. To do this, he summons the great god ZeusHe had Nut Master because it was like a symbol of power or something, and with some truly genius strategy, manages to take his Nut Master and run off with it without him noticing. After running from Zeus for a long time, dodging multiple near death experiences which all had to do with blowing up cities for some reason, Zeus pins Blood Covered Grandpa down in a random house he tried to hide in, turns him into an old man, and pummels him to a bloody pulp, and he stayed blood covered like that because he couldn't afford a shower.
The End...
After that, Blood Covered Grandpa gives Skinman some final words of comfort, Skinman thanks him, and leaves happySkinman continues to take antidepressants. After such a long day, Skinman is tired, and so heads back to his home (grave) to take a nap (bury himself alive).
This whole section is a really engorged mixture of Skin Man 1's prologue and first chapter, both show how Skinman came to be Skin Man, and showing him going to Blood Covered Grandpa's house like in Chapter 1.
===Act 2===
As Act 1 of Skin Man Remastered served as the remake of the very beginning of Skin Man 1, Act 2 serves as the remake of the rest of the book.
==== Skinman Goes to the Arcade ====
Act 2 starts, like, a day after Act 1, with Skinman rising from his grave with the desire to play video games at the arcade, but he has no way of getting there. So, like any logical person would, he threatens a random old motorcyclist who really loved his motorbike and steals it. He then rides to the arcade, plays some games and then returns home.
This portion of the book serves as a remake of Chapter 2 of Skin Man 1.
==== Skinman Goes Commits Vehicular Manslaughter ====
Around eight hours after Skinman returns from the arcade he gains a sudden urge to do, quote, "exceedingly dangerous motorcycle tricks near a school zone for wizard children." He then proceeds to drive recklessly fast and do exceedingly dangerous motorcycle tricks near a school zone for wizard children. While doing so, he ends up running over a random wizard child, an act he very much seems to enjoy.
Unlike Skin Man 1's Chapter 3, which this section is adapted from, when Skinman runs over the wizard child, he doesn't bury the body outside of a Wendy's location, he instead leaves the body at the murder-site and drives over to a Taco Bell. There, Skinman commits arson because he was refused nacho fries.
It is for this reason that Skinman is sent to jail in this book, unlike in Skin Man 1, where he was sent to jail for killing the child. However, it is meant to be implied that the murder of the wizard child was also used against him in court. In court, we get an early mention of Ken, before the Skin Man 2 adaptation part of this book. Because of Ken's very persuasive words, Skinman gets bunch years of prison in big mean. We are then treated to a short section of Skinman being sent to Alcatraz via helicopter.
==== Skin Man Goes to Jail ====
This section of the book is more or less just an updated version of Skin Man 1 - Chapter 4, as nothing notably new or changed is added that changes the fundamental story. That said, there are a few notable changes in the smaller details.
Skinman is brought to Alcatraz, and is so bored he asks to join a Mexican Prison Gang. He gets into the gang by giving them money, like in Skin Man 1, but then in a reference to Skin Man 4, refuses to join the circle of gang membersBecause he's afraid of circles. Skinman is later seen in his cell, where his antidepressants get him thinking about escape plansThinking about escape plans is a totally normal side effect of nomoresadacilin.
While Skinman works on his escape plans, an ad-man comes up to try and sell the reader on the antidepressents Skinman is taking, nomoresadacilin©!!! Anyways, it takes Skinman about a month to finish his escape plans, but when he shows them to the Mexican Prison Gang, Evil Man shows up to stop them. Then Skinman enacts Plan B, and a rope comes down and takes him away.
===Act 3===
Act 3 starts the transition from Skin Man 1's story to Skin Man 2's. It is purely just an updated version of Evil Man's Backstory in Skin Man 2.
Evil Man is shown outside of a police station, ready to go into child labor. But then the Wizard shows up and casts a spell on Evil Man that makes him all glitchy and such. Because of this, Evil Man cannot go into child labor, and so is sad. He is then shown to be in a completely updated Evil Layer compared to what it looked like in the old books, and he is talking about how much he hates Skinman.
===Act 4===
Act 4 is far more pact than Act 3, working as an adaptation of Chapters 1-5 of Skin Man 2Except for Chapter 4, which has been omitted from this book for its problematic subject matter. This is the part where Skin Man Remastered begins to take on more of its own identity, completely changing the pacing, order, context, and overall story at multiple points in throughout.
==== Skinman Becomes Big Sad ====
Like in Chapter 1 of Skin Man 2, Skinman is seen flying away from prison on top of a jet and reveals to the reader that he is bisexual. The jet then drops Skinman off in the middle of nowhere, and over a riveting three slides, we watch as he walks back to Blood Covered Grandpa's house. When he arrives, Skinman tries to come in, but Blood Covered Grandpa is nowhere to be seen, so Skinman comes in through the window, but when he gets in... Blood Covered Grandpa is on the floor, missing his legs and now Bloodier Covered Grandpa! In Blood Covered Grandpa's dying words, he reveals that Evil Man did this to him because Skinman is bisexual.
Skinman blames himself for his death, and then spirals into a depressive state. He's seen crashing on the couch, surrounded by beers, and is implied to be overdosing on his antidepressantsDepress Co. does not support overdosing on nomoresadacilin tablets, only 1-6 a day is recommended. This is starkly different from how Blood Covered Grandpa's death was originally handled in Skin Man 2, wherein Skinman takes it pretty well and it is hardly ever brought up again, not until one minor scene in Skin Man 4. In Skin Man Remastered, it is taken more earnestly, as Skinman is genuinely affected by his death.
==== Evil Goes to a Porn Store ====
Unlike in Skin Man 2, Skinman does not directly state that Evil Man is homophobic, instead, he gets to be the first to declare himself homophobic! As he does so, he's seen in his Evil Layer throwing a random assortment of knives at a picture of Skinman before throwing the last one he had. He decides it would be best to get new knives, ignoring his mom's wishes to come to dinner to do so.
This section is little changed from that in Skin Man 2.
The following sequence, however, changes things up a bit. Evil Man is seen looking for Ken's Kool Knife Store (and Porn), before finding it and going inside. There, Shirtless Guy Ken is seen once more, now dressed in his company-issued attire. Evil Man tells him that he's looking for knives, which Ken says they don't have because he's too busy mourning because his best friend died in the Taco Bell that Skinman burnt down. Hearing the name "Skinman" makes Evil Man excited and he, like, stops moving because of it.
In Skin Man 2 the whole section is only the first half of Chapter 3, but because Skin Man Remastered lacks chapters, it's allowed to be more fluid in its storytelling. So, instead of finishing Chapter 3 now, the story cuts back over to Skinman to tell the remake of Chapter 5 instead.
==== Skin Man Gets a Bird ====
The story cuts to the News, where it's revealed that people have found out Skinman has escaped prison. We then see Skinman, still depressed and drunk on the couch mourning Blood Covered Grandpa. While thinking about him, we see a montage of flashbacks where Skinman remembers Blood Covered Grandpa's strange obsession with birds. Because of this, he now wants to get a bird.
After a few more minutes of pill-popping, we are met with an establishing shot of Skinman outside a Petco location. Inside, Skinman meets with a very eager store clerk who takes him to the bird aisle that every Petco definitely has. The store clerk tries to sell Skinman a 'Chicken Nugget Bird,' and is very insistent on it. So insistent, in fact, that when Skinman declines, they get into a five-hour-long argument about it that stretches into the late evening. Eventually, the store clerk gives up and lets Skinman take any bird he wants, free of charge.
Skinman takes an eastern bluebird which he names "Bird Covered Grandpa," and leaves the store. He then realizes that he no longer has his stolen motorbike since he went to prison. So, once again, over a spectacular three slides, we watch him (and Bird Covered Grandpa) walk (and fly) back to his grave.
==== Evil Leaves a Porn Store ====
Going back to Evil Man to finish out the Chapter 3 adaptation, he's still standing in silence in Ken's Kool Knife Store (and Porn). Over the last 5½ hours, we spent watching Skinman, he's just standing here! Shirtless Guy tells him to leave because the store's about to close, and eventually, albeit begrudgingly, Evil Man leaves to go home.
After seeing a drug-induced hallucination of a meme only people from 2021 can comprehend in the parking lot, he walks home. One transition later, he finally gets home late into the night and comments on how homely homely homes are homely. We then see the inside of his decrepit house, where he has a short interaction with his momAlso note that his mom was sitting with their ugly-ass dumb-looking dog, and goes back to his layer.
===Act 5===
Act 5 is truly when Skin Man Remastered becomes it's own story. Vaguely, it adapts the last two chapters of Skin Man 2, but they are so far removed from that story it's hard to really call them the same. Notably, this version takes out the majority of the Red Dead Redemption II references, replaced by the character of Canadian Eminem and his In a Skmal-inspired story.
====Skinman is Hospitalized... Again====
Act 5 starts a month or so later I think, with Skinman rising from his grave as Bird Covered Grandpa waits for him. Then slowly, an ominous foot comes down from above. The foot is then shown to belong to Canadian Eminem, father of all Libsters, who has come to ask Skinman for help. Skinman obliges, and they meet at Libster Bay on the shore of Lake Michigan. It is there Canadian Eminem gives some exposition on his problem.
Canadian Eminem brings Skinman to Libster Bay, between Sarnia, Canada and Port Huron, Michigan, at the shore of Lake Huron. Canadian Eminem tells Skinman that over the last seven years neonazi poachers have committed mass genocide on the Libsters in Libster Bay. Skinman agrees to help Canadian Eminem, and they set out into Lake Huron. Out on the waters Canadian Eminem gives Skinman exactly 4.928571428571429 stones of pure crystal meth to eat so he had the strength to fight the neonazis. Skinman happily ate the 4.928571428571429 stones of meth and boarded the ship, where he proceeded to kill a neonaziWith the help of Bird Covered Grandpa and then through up and jump off the ship. 
Skinman drifts to shore, still very much high, and collapses. He is then found by possibly hallucinatory man who takes him to the a late 1800's area hospital, which was actually just a stoned hallucination of a St. Jude Children's Research Hospital. There he is diagnosed as having meth tuberculosis. But Canadian Eminem is shown outside, not happy that Skinman failed his mission.
====Evil Man Bombs a St. Jude====
For the last month I think, Evil Man had been working on making clones of the family dog which could explode on command. At that moment, there is a knock on Evil Man's door, and when he checks who it was it's none other than Canadian Eminem. The two have a short, meaningless conversation and then Canadian Eminem disappears, but not before somehow leaving a note in Evil Man's Layer telling him to rendezvous at the Wendy's location at (39.824250, -85.914520), and to bring the exploding dog clones.
When they meet, Canadian Eminem gives Evil Man a document which explains that Skinman faked his ID, pretending to be a child to get into the St. Jude Children's Research Hospital. Because of this, the next morning, they enact a plan to use the dog clones to blow up the Children's Hospital. They get a Libster to dig under ground into the basement of the hospital so they can cause as much structural damage as possible, and then the dogs are detonated.
Unknowingly, while all this is happening, over a truly epic three slides, we watch as Skinman leaves the St. Jude's scot-freeThis happens right before the dog-bombs go off!
====Evil Man's Bong is Laced====
Rounding out Act 5, Evil Man and Canadian Eminem have a celebratory vape rave for the believed death of Skinman.