The Parent Rap/Quotes

:Homer: Hey, knock it off! These pants cost $600.
:Moe: Really?
:Homer: Yeah, they're Italian.
:Moe: (points a gun at Homer) All right, hand 'em over.
:Homer: Moe, what the...
:Moe: Yeah, I rob now.
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:Homer: Say, is that our house!?
:Bart: I don't think our house has a steeple.
:Homer: Oh yeah. I forget things sometimes.
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:Judge Harm: Grand theft auto?
:Bart: It was an accident, ma'am!
:Judge Harm: Don't spit on my cupcake and tell me it’s frosting!
:Homer: (angrily) What did she say about cupcakes?
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:Bart [to Ned]: You there! Put your hands up!
:Ned: Me? Okay.
:Bart: Now, drop your pants!
:Ned: But my hands are up!
:Bart: Hula out of them!
:Ned: Alright, officer. [hulas out of his pants]
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:Judge Harm: Well, I thought Dad was the problem, but apparently Mom is no prize pig herself. It's a miracle poor Bartholomew isn't robbing banks and chasing sweet Lady H.
:Bart: I'm a latchkey kid.
:Lisa: You are not!
:Bart: Yes I am!
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:Bart: Come on, Dad. I got to go to the bathroom.
:Homer: Oh, I just got comfortable! Use the bottle.
:Marge: No, I don't want you using the bottle. That's what hobos do.
:Bart: Come on, Homer!
:Homer: No!
:Bart: Mom!
:Marge: Aw geez, Homer, just take him to the bathroom.
:Homer: Fine! I don't know why we even have a bottle! Somebody tell me!
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:Bart: The town keeps getting bigger. Will there always be enough electricity?
:Homer: (laughs) Ah, son, you know that's none of your business.
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:[When Homer is being fitted for the tether]
:Officer: Sir, you are not a size 4.
:Homer: I used to be! (starts crying)
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:Judge Harm: You have got a boy here who is crying out for adult supervision!
:Homer: I couldn't agree more. Perhaps some sort of court-appointed babysitter or au pair?
:Judge Harm: Sorry, bub, that crow won't caw.
:Homer: It won't?
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:Homer: I love our court days.
:Marge: It's about the only thing we do as a family anymore.
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:Milhouse: If we're late for school, we'll miss our free federal breakfast.
:Bart: Big deal. It's just saltines and fig paste.
:Milhouse: Ew, saltines!
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:Judge Harm: (to Bart) According to this, your father was driving you to school. Then where was he when you stole the police car?
:Homer: Uh, your honor? I was chasing the KBBL Party Penguin Price Patrol.
:Judge Harm: You abandoned your son to win forty dollars!?
:Homer: And a Blue Oyster Cult medallion (takes out the medallion) Cool.
:Judge Harm: And that was more important than keeping your son out of trouble?
:Homer: Your honor, if I may sing a little bit of, "Don't Fear The Reaper", I think you'll agree that--
:Judge Harm: I'm familiar with B.O.C.!
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:(Homer, who's tethered to Bart, enters Moe's.)
:Moe: Hey, hey, no kids in the bar!
:Homer: Since when?
:Moe: Oh, the heat's been on since them Bush girls were in here.
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:[Lisa comments on Homer being tethered to Bart]
:Lisa: Creative sentencing is common these days. That's why Bill Clinton is our new mailman.
:[Scene shows Bill Clinton trying to put mail in the Simpsons' mailbox]
:Bill Clinton: Dang magazines!
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:Judge Harm: That quilt was made by my grandmother Catherine!
:Homer: So... it cost you nothin'.
:Judge Harm: Shut. Up. You two are not only horrible parents, you're violent criminals. And I'm going to have you two locked up until frogs do fractions.
:Bart: Your Honor, may I say something?
:Judge Harm: Well, it is highly unorthodox, so no.
:Bart: Please, your Honor?
:Judge Harm: Oh, I can't resist that look. You remind of me when I was a little boy.
:Bart: Your Honor, it's not easy being my parents. I'm always screwing up in school and getting in trouble with the law. But if I grow up to be a halfway decent person, I know it will be because of my Mom and Dad. Everyone else might give up on me, but my parents never will.
:Lisa: [tearfully] That's my brother.
:Snake: Did she say she used to be a dude?
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:Kirk Van Houten: Judge, please don't send my boy to juvie. He's just weak, both morally and in the upper body.
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:Judge Harm: I hereby order you to be tethered to your son.
:Homer: Tethered?
:Judge Harm: Tethered. Report to room 5.
:Homer: Room 5?
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:[Marge has cut the tether and triggered the alarm and Judge Harm's image appears out of the tether]
:Judge Harm: That's right it's me, Judge Harm, through the magic of fiber optics.
:Homer: Hey, hey, hey, h-how about that? Huh, huh?
:Judge Harm: Quiet, tubsy. You violated my order.
:Homer: But Constance, it only happened because..
:Judge Harm: Hey, hey, if I want a cock and bull story, I'll read Hemingway.
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:Milhouse: [to Bart] If we're late for school, we'll miss our free Federal breakfast.
:Bart: Big deal, it's just saltines and fig paste.
:Milhouse: Ew, saltines?
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:Coach [at the "Promising Young Athletes Picnic"]: And that's why you young athletes are so promising. Now, who'd like to buy a trophy?
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:Chief Wiggum: [after he catches Bart and Milhouse in the police cruiser] All right, you two are under arrest for joyriding. You have the right to remain, um, uh ... [looks at the teleprompter] silent? That doesn't sound right.
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:[When Homer goes to school with Bart]
:Mrs. Krabappel: Today, we're going to talk about predicates and predicate nominatives.
:Homer: Bor-ring!
:Mrs. Krabappel: Mr. Simpson, I'm trying to teach.
:Homer: Come on, these kids are never going to use that stuff.
:Mrs. Krabappel: Will you please just go back to sleep?
:Homer: Fine. [curls up on the floor and starts snoring. Bart puts one of his sneakers in Homer's mouth to muffle his snoring]
:Mrs. Krabappel: All right, now who can pick out the predicate in this sentence?
:Homer: [stars screaming in his sleep]
:Mrs. Krabappel: What's wrong with him now, Bart?
:Bart: Night terrors, ma'am.
:Homer: [in his sleep] [screams] Cobras!
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:[When the Simpsons watch Channel 6 News]
:Kent Brockman: There's a new judge in town with a hard-nosed approach to juvenile crime: Punish the parents.
:Homer: Yeah, it's about time. [looks at the tether on him] Oh.
:Judge Harm: Kids are running wild, Kent, and I blame Mr. and Mrs. Never-spank.
:Kent Brockman: [looks to the camera] Uh, oh, we'll have to bleep their names.
:Judge Harm: You'll bleep nothing! Parents, it's time to take control. If you can't cope, you'll wear the rope! [holds up a tether and snaps it]
:Marge: Well, you can tell she's never had kids. Look how high and firm her breasts are.
:Lisa: Granted, but you gotta admit constant supervision has been good for Bart. He might even make the honor roll if Dad can control his night terrors.
:Homer: Well, that's a pretty big "if," honey.
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:[When Marge and Homer are trying to make love]
:Bart: Would you mind? I'm trying to do my homework.
:Homer: Uh, son, it's a little chilly. Maybe you should wrap a blanket around your head. [wraps the blanket around Bart’s head]
:Marge: Oh, Homey, no; we can't.
:Homer: Well, what's the…what's the big deal? He sees a thousand times worse on that animal channel.
:Marge: I don't want him to see us ... expressing our love.
:Homer: Why not? Kids are very visual these days.
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:Judge Harm: [to Homer and Marge] You two need to wake up and smell the java. And the first step is to admit that you're bad parents.
:Homer: I admit it.
:Marge: Homer, no, we're not bad parents.
:Judge Harm: Yes you are.
:Marge: No we're not. And frankly, Judge, I think you're a bully.
:Judge Harm: You do, huh?
:Marge: You're so busy thinking up crazy ways to punish people, you can't see how much I love my kids.
:Homer: Uh, your Honor, I'd like to be tried separately.
:Marge: I don't mean to be disrespectful, Judge Harm, but we are not bad parents, and there isn't a tether in this world with enough fiberoptics to make me say we are.
:Judge Harm: [contemplating] Hmm ...
:[Scene shows Homer and Marge walking out of the courtroom with wooden stocks on their necks and hands]
:Marge: She's such a butthole.
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:[Lisa watches Homer and Marge try to wash the dishes and then turns to Bart, who’s watching wrestling on TV and drinking soda]
:Lisa: Do you think it's fair that you're always getting into trouble, yet Mom and Dad are being punished?
:Bart: No, it's terrible. [loudly slurps his soda]
:Lisa: Well, why don't you do something about it?
:Bart: After wrestling.
:TV Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, I don't believe what I am seeing. Dr. Bonebreak just married Rumblelina, and they're already whaling on each other! [the TV shows a wrestling couple attacking each other with folding chairs]
:Lisa: When are you going to start taking responsibility for your actions?
:Bart: If I felt like it.
:Lisa: You're not even listening.
:Bart: I know you are, but what am I?
:Lisa: Ugh! [walks off]
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:Homer: [to Marge] You know, we could get out of these stupid things if you just tell the judge you're a bad mother. And you don't even have to say, "bad." It could be, "negligent," or, "unfit," or, "drugged-up" ...
:Marge: I just can't do that, Homer. It's a matter of principle, and I need you to support me in this. [Homer and Marge look at each other]
:Homer: You're right. It's time to stand up to that firm-breasted judge.
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:[Homer and Marge look for Judge Harm's house]
:Homer: This address must be wrong.
:Marge: No. No, there it is. [points to a houseboat docked behind a chain-link fence]
:Homer: She lives in a houseboat!? Wow, she's so cool!
:Marge: We hate her, Homer.
:Homer: I know, I know, fight the power. [puts his fist up]
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:Judge Snyder: Well, I'm back from vacation.
:Judge Harm: But I was just about to bang my gavel, making the sentence official.
:Judge Snyder: Sorry, I've already put my clown down. [indicates his clown figurine]
:Judge Harm: But I was just going to…
:Judge Snyder: The clown is down.
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:Marge: [to the family] All right, we got lucky that time, but I want everyone in this family to raise your hand and promise not to break the law for one full year.
es:The Parent Rap/Frases