Bart Carny/Quotes

:Bart: But I can't go out dressed like this! What if someone sees me?
:Marge: You're just going to our backyard, no one will see you.
:Nelson: [off-camera, as Bart opens door] HA-
:Marge: [pointing towards door after Bart closes it] Mmmm!
:Nelson: [still off-camera] -HA!
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:Marge: You can't go on that! You have a heart condition!
:Homer: Heart condition? Get out of here!
:Marge: You had a quadruple bypass. You nearly died. Don't you remember?
:Homer: Obviously I don't. Now if you get out of my way-
:Marge: But it doesn't look safe! And the guy running it looks a little seedy. No offense.
:Carny: None taken.
:Homer: He's not just some guy, Marge! He's a carny, and part of a noble tradition! Carnies built this country... the carnival part of it anyway. And though they may be rat-like in appearance, they are truly kings among men.
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:The Rich Texan: What in the name of high school football?!
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:Nelson: You wrecked Hitler's car! What did he ever do to you? [punches Bart in the stomach]
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:Marge: We just saw the most amazing camel. It was wearing a hat!
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:Chief Wiggum: I hate to interrupt your fun, boys, but I got a few complaints that your game is crooked.
:Homer: Heh-heh, and how.
:Chief Wiggum: Gee, I hate to close you down, maybe we can reach a little, uh...understanding here.
:Homer: [lifelessly] I understand.
:Bart: Um, hey, Dad, I think he wants...
:Homer: Not right now, son, Daddy is talking to the policeman.
:Chief Wiggum: Lemme put it this way. I'm looking for my friend Bill. Have you seen any Bills around here?
:Homer: [still not getting Chief Wiggum's point] No. He's Bart.
:Chief Wiggum: Argh. Listen carefully and watch me wink as I speak, okay?
:Homer: Okay.
:Chief Wiggum: The guy I'm really looking for, wink, is Mr. Bribe, wink wink.
:Homer: [still not understanding anything] It's a ring toss game.
:Chief Wiggum: Alright, that's it, I'm shutting this game down!
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:Cooder: Son, if you don't finish your cotton candy, you won't get your snow cone.
:Spud: Aw, heck.
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:Lisa: I was wrong about the Cooders, Dad. They're the nicest of all the transients you've ever brought home.
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:Homer: Carnies took over our house, you've got to help us!
:Chief Wiggum: Well, well, well. Look who's here, Mr. No-Bribe! Sure, we'll help you, just sit down and wait for Detective Like-I-Give-A-Damn!
:Homer: Thank you so much!
:Lisa: Dad?
:Homer: Honey, Daddy's waiting for the detective.
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:Cooder: Hey, look at me! I'm a millionaire! [struts around in Homer's white shirt]
:Spud: Wow, Dad! You look like James Bond!
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:Homer bangs on door
:Homer: Listen up, Cooder. I am offering a chance to settle this. One game of ring toss. I will try and throw this hula hoop over the chimney. If I lose, I will sign over the deed to you. But if I win, you have to give me back our house.
:Cooder and Spud exit on hearing the proposal
:Cooder: You mean, we own the house legit?
:Homer aims hula hoop
:Lisa: No, Dad!
:Cooder and Spud smirk, sure that Homer will lose
:Homer prepares to toss, but then drops hula hoop
:Homer: {shouting} Run for it!
:Entire family runs indoors and locks front door; laughing the same way Spud did to them earlier
:Spud: Hey! They just ran into the house! That Homer fella grifted you good, Dad.
:Cooder: Well, there's no shame in bein' beaten by the best.
:Spud: But he didn't seem all that...
:Cooder: {brusque} We were beaten by the best, boy.
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:Homer: Listen to them. Watching my television, sitting in my couch. You better not be in my ass groove!
:Marge: Homer!
:Homer: It took me years to forge that groove.