Sully vs. SpongeCock

"Sully vs. SpongeCock" is a Season 2 episode of Life in Bikini Bottom, and the 20th overall.
==Characters==
*SpongeCock
*Sully
*Assy
*Fricky
*Fatrick
*Shitward
==Synopsis==
SpongeCock and Sully are unsure of who Assy likes, so they fight over her, causing a rivalry! 
== Transcript ==
The plot begins on a normal day where SpongeCock and Sully (the squid….I really hope you guys remember that) are playing Call of Booty. SpongeCock’s character is seen running with his gun to what appears to be a stripper. SpongeCock puts down his gun and starts making it rain, as well as touching dat ass. Sully, however, comes from behind and kills SpongeCock with a knife. 
“God damn it! I was about to climax,” SpongeCock claims. “Honestly that stripper looked pretty real. These graphics are fricking amazing.” The two are seen playing split screen even more, but it is interrupted shortly with a message coming through the TV saying that Assy Cheeks is facetiming. “AHHHHHHH” both of them scream as they start running around the living room frantically, not knowing what to do. 
 
Our whole universe was in a G and PG state
Then nearly fourteen billion years ago was inappropriate, wait
Fatrick shit a stool, Shitward began to drool
They invented crap that rules
We built a great, great wall (we started cursing)
Shit, titties bursting, unraveling the coercing
This is Life in Bikini Bottom! PG-13!
“THE Assy Cheeks? Damn she’s hot. But I’m nervous!,” Sully admits while pushing SpongeCock to the remote so he can start the call. “Shouldn’t you get to know her better? Squirrel X Squid, oooh…” “SHE’S YOUR CRUSH! YOU’RE IN YOUR 30’S AND ACT LIKE A 6TH GRADER! IT COULD BE SQUIRREL X SPONGE IF YOU ANSWERED IT YOU FRICKING RUBBER DUCK!” SpongeCock gasps, and then fires back by calling him a “burnt chicken nugget.”
“Ummm…. I expected better from you. Well, we can just de-“ Sully looks over to see Fricky, SpongeCock’s son (because we need to remind you forgetful fools about that too) pressing the button to start the facetime. He then runs over to the TV.
“Hey, Sp- OH WAIT! It’s Fricky! You’re soooo cute, you know.” [cuts to disgusting close-up of Fricky’s face] SpongeCock and Sully are hiding behind the couch so they don’t have to talk to Assy. “Fricky’s a great distraction!” However, his son seemed to hear that, as he looks over and replies with “what, pa?” SpongeCock jumps from the couch. “Goddamn it, Fricky! We’re not rednecks!” Assy hears this, as she says SpongeCock’s name in the form of a question. “See what you did?” Sully says. However, Assy hears that too, and starts talking about Sully. “Aw, shit,” Sully says. They both move towards the TV, as Assy starts to ask a few questions. “SpongeCock, how’s the club going?” SpongeCock is in a deadpan expression. “You should know, you’re a stripper. [whispers] slut…” Sully intervenes. “You know, SpongeCock, I don’t like that attitude. Hey, Assy, were you planning on getting that tit job?” SpongeCock intervenes, saying how he’s offending Assy. “Her breasts are just fine. They’re like tennis balls, only bigger. They’re like that cuz they bounce up and down SOOO much.” Assy looks weirdly at them, and then proceeds to tell her that she’s getting a tit job, but not in the way they made it seem - her tit bird, Allen, is getting a job as a bartender.
[cutaway gag]
Guy At Bar: Can I have a bourbon on rocks?
Allen: [puts ice in the glass, shits in it, and busts his tit in it.]
Guy At Bar: [takes a sip; dies immediately]
Allen: [makes loud noises, rips the guy’s suit off, which has hundreds of thousands of dollars in it.]
[cutaway ends]
“Okay, that when on for far too long,” SpongeCock says. “Look, Assy, we, we...we just...we…” “You okay there, buddy?,” Assy asks, but SpongeCock keeps stuttering. Sully steps in front of him and is crystal clear. “Assy, you’re a fine woman and I would love to get to know you better.” “Awww…” Assy replies. “Sure. You too, SpongeCock.” This causes SpongeCock to stop stuttering. “Well, I gotta go. You’re the best.” Assy then hangs up, and the two are in awe. 
“Hey, look at that. She thinks I’m the best,” SpongeCock says. Sully then slowly rises his head, opens his eyes, and slants his eyebrows. He then slowly says “noooooo….nooo. I was more of a gentleman to her. I showed her my true feelings.” SpongeCock then tackles him. “You always talked about her boobs! That’s being a gentleman, alright.” “Look, we save all the hubba-bubba til the date. With me.” SpongeCock then says “no, she clearly said it was with me, and that’s final.” Sully, then goes into SpongeCock’s face. “No. We’re settl- um, Fatrick’s taking a crap on your remote. Anyway, we're settling this tomorrow. We are gonna ask who she meant. But I’m too nervous…” SpongeCock agrees, “yeah let’s go to bed.” They walk out to reveal a fatrick taking a dump on the TV remote. One of his craps touches the button to re-facetime Assy, who replied right away. “Hello?” “Um, hi Assy, um...can you bring some toilet paper over here?”
The episode cuts to Assy walking into The Krusty Kock, in desperation of pot. “May I take yo-“ Shitward says while SpongeCock pushes him out of the way and jumps into the boat, while quickly assuring him that he’ll take the order instead. “Greetings, madam, how are you on this fine day?,” he tries to flirt, with Assy giggling. “SpongeCock, they’re no need to be that formal with me. We’re tighter than blood in a penis.” “Aww, you.” They start to get closer and try to kiss, but she pulls away, with SpongeCock being disappointed. “Oh, you.” He says while mini versions of him appear in his brain yelling curse words. “I’ll have 2 weed patties...I just, really need a kick right now,” Assy states, while Sully appears in the background saying “I’ll give you a kick alright, if you know what I mean.” “That’ll be $10,” he says, while Sully comes up and takes out his cash. “Excuse me, fine lady, but I’m the gentleman here. I got you.” SpongeCock starts to anger up while Assy thanks Sully. “I want to rub your tentacles,” she says, while Shitward walks out. “Pfft. I’ll just rub my own tentacles,” he spits out, with a vibrator in his hand. Assy then starts petting Sully (he’s a squid don’t ask me why she’s doing this), while Sully tries a head push, with Assy quickly ducking out with the weed patties in her hand, leaving the restaurant. “Frick my ducks,” SpongeCock and Sully say in unison, quickly starting to fight each other.
SpongeCock and Sully start hitting and kicking each other. Sully shoots a glare at SpongeCock and utters under his breath, “back off, she’s mine”. SpongeCock kicks Sully in the balls. “Unghhhhhhh.” SpongeCock walks to a different table and invites Assy over. “Hey Assy, I got you a spot right next to me”. Sully shoots another glare at SpongeCock. SpongeCock continues to talk with Assy. “So, I heard that you and Sully might be a thing?” Assy looks kind of nervous. “Yeah, yeah I guess so, but not really.” In the background Sully assaults a random bar patron in anger and starts screaming. Security officers run in to detain him.
Assy looks over at Sully throwing a temper tantrum. “Wow, somebody needs to pull their shit together.” Sully gets removed from the bar. SpongeCock winks at Assy. “Did you just freaking wink at me?!” Assy storms out in anger at SpongeCock for being an idiot. She walks outside and sees Sully cutting his arm with a broken shard of glass. “Sully, stop it!” Sully throws the glass at the ground and runs. SpongeCock walks outside and starts smoking weed, and Assy walks away. SpongeCock creepily follows her for a bit, but stops when she pulls her phone out to call the cops.
SpongeCock walks away and gets assaulted by Sully in a dark alleyway. “How dare you try to thieve Assy from me?!” Sully punches SpongeCock and breaks his nose. “Goddamn it Sully, calm down!” Sully and SpongeCock start wrestling when a mysterious figure emerges from the shadow. “Hey guys, what the hell is going on?” The figure is revealed to be Shitward.
“Shitward?!” they yell in unison, with SpongeCock then asking “What the hell are you doing here?” Shitward then starts telling them about how he heard them fighting about Assy. Sully and SpongeCock get off of each other and stand up, informing Shitward of what happened. “Yesterday, Assy asked me out on a date, and this damn fool is fighting me for her,” Sully explains, but SpongeCock is quick to fight back. “No, she actually said that I’m the best and that I’m going out with her.” They both continue bicker with each other until Shitward breaks it up. “Guys, guys, look at yourselves. Y’all are fighting over a girl. Remember, bros before hoes. Plus, Assy’s just a broad. Are you guys really that desperate for a woman? Like really. [shakes his head].” SpongeCock and Sully then look at each other, nodding their heads. “Alright,” they both say, while apologizing to each other. “We should’ve never let her come between us. Bros before hoes?” Sully asks. “Bros before hoes,” SpongeCock says in agreement. “Thanks Shitward,” SpongeCock gratefully exclaims. 
“Say, shit,” Sully leads, “have you ever fought over a girl?” Shitward then nods and says “yes” with a grin. “Really? When?” “Right now,” Shitward states, as Assy comes into the alley and holds Shitward’s hand. “WHHHHHOOOOAOAOHYTTTTTT18363?!28;):!:’dmchsiaksnxhzkk…..wat” Sully and SpongeCock spaz out, as Assy asks what the problem is. “You said ‘you’re the best’ on the FaceTime yesterday,” SpongeCock leads, and Sully follows it with “so we wanted to know who you meant.” Assy then laughs and says “I was talking to Shitward. He was in my house during the call. I just decided to call you guys to see how you would react,” [the camera pandering onto both of them with a shocked expression], “I bet you guys feel like dumbasses right now,” Assy chuckles again. “Let’s go, Shitward,” as the couple walks away.
Sully and SpongeCock are still in a shocked expression, as they glance at each other repeatedly. “Let’s just stick to strippers in Call of Booty,” Sully suggests, as SpongeCock quickly agrees.
== Trivia ==
* This was the first episode of Life in Bikini Bottom that Purple133 helped write.
Category:2018
Category:Life in Bikini Bottom
Category:Episodes
Category:DanzxvFan8275
Category:Episodes directed by DanzxvFan8275
Category:Episodes written by DanzxvFan8275
Category:Spectromite Studios
Category:UltraFuse
Category:Life in Bikini Bottom episodes
Category:Episodes Written by Purple133
Category:Purple133
Category:2010s