The Perfect Sculpt

"The Perfect Sculpt" is a Season 1 episode of Squiddie's School. It is also the first episode of the show to be feature other writers beside DanzxvFan8275, as it was also guest written by and , who are Dan's little brother and little cousin, respectively.
==Characters==
*Squidward Tentacles
*Patrick Star
*Eugene H. Krabs
*SpongeBob SquarePants
*Sheldon J. Plankton
*Pearl Krabs
*Bubble Bass
*CrazySponge
*Matchy
*Gary the Snail
*Larry the Lobster
*Sandy Cheeks
==Synopsis==
The class is split into two groups to see which team can make the better sculpture. However, things escalate, and each team tries to sabotage the other.
==Transcript==
[episode begins with Squidward sitting at his desk clearly bored. All of the students are chatting in the background as Squidward finally breaks the chit-chatting]
Squidward: Alright folks, let’s get started with today’s lesson. [starts writing on chalkboard] We will be learning about…
Patrick: Cease that high-pitched blasted buffoonery! That’s almost as screechy as my orgasms.
Squidward: Look, unless the school can afford whiteboards, that ain’t happening. [writes “Sculpture 101”] We will be learning how to make quality marble sculptures.
Matchy: I don’t know about marble but I do make quality sculptures out of human glue!
SpongeBob: Yeah, I think we can all make sculptures, Mr. Testicles.
Squidward: It’s Tentacles. [grin reappears] But, if you’re all so certain, how about you- [all of the students whip out a brick of marble, and with two bangs of the mallet, they are able to all make quality sculptures.]
Eugene: Look! I made a sculpture of me making out with money. [shows a marble Eugene kissing a $100 bill]
Patrick: Realism.
Squidward: [shakes it off] So, anyway, since you all think you’re so great at sculpting, why don’t we make a madman move and have a competition.
Larry: You mean like a circle jerk?
Patrick: Hey man, that’s out of pocket. I’m supposed to be saying those lines!
Squidward: I am designating two team captains, Matchy and CrazySponge. You two will make two even teams that will both make one sculpture. Got it? [camera turns to Matchy and CrazySponge, Matchy looks up and nods. CrazySponge nods with a look on his face like he has only two active brain cells.]
Matchy: Does that mean I get to jack off?
Squidward: Sure, just as long as you want to get an F.
Patrick: Personally, I’d love to get an F from you, Squiddy boy.
Bubble bass: I want to yank to a mermaid man and barnacle boy fan fic.
Matchy: [ Matchy and CrazySponge get up and walk to the chalkboard.] I pick Sheldon because he can make BDSM sculptures.
CrazySponge: Hoooooopla. [ CrazySponge points to spongebob.]
Matchy: Can I just take Eugene, Larry and Pearl?
Squidward: Uhh… sure. That means that Patrick, Sandy and Bubble Bass you are on CrazySponge’s team. Now I’m gonna establish some rules. First [ Looks at Matchy and then Patrick.] NO JACKING OFF!
Matchy: Oh, Come on!
Squidward: Now I don’t want to catch you. Second,the sculptures have to be appropriate to count. Ya’ll know what I mean right? Also you should work as a team. You will be much more successful. Everyone got that?.
Everyone except for Patrick: Yep.
Patrick: Team Matchy, here we go!
SpongeBob: Patrick, you’re on our team.
Patrick: Oh, right.
Squidward: Alright, get ‘er going.
[cuts to show both teams starting their sculpture. It shows Team Matchy]
Matchy: Alright guys, I might not be the best leader. In fact, that green turd over there might be. [points to CrazySponge]
CrazySponge: o
Eugene: Hehe, goin against me two employees! [yells at CrazySponge and SpongeBob] If I win you’re working for free for a month!
Matchy: Can you shut the hell up already? We’ve got stuff to do. [takes the cover off of the marble] Alright, so we’re making a sculpture of a desk, right?
Sheldon: Why? So you can sit on it and release your seed into it?
Matchy: Ah yes, a canvas. [cuts to Team CrazySponge]
CrazySponge: o. Okay, so we will be making a statue of me.
SpongeBob: Sir, we need leadership, not ego.
CrazySponge: Want the whip? [pulls a whip out] Also, XVideos.
Patrick: Inadequate. I prefer SpankBang.
Sandy: This is a disgusting conversation. [pulls out a chisel and starts molding the sculpture, beginning with the mouth]
Patrick: Aw man, that mouth is nice!
[cuts to Team Matchy. Larry is looking over to see Team CrazySponge making progress]
Larry: Yo Matchy, look!
Matchy: What? [looks over to see the team on a ladder, building CrazySponge’s head] Damn it! They’re actually doing good! Meanwhile… [shows that the team have not made much progress on their desk, and instead one of the legs falls over] Hm. [snaps fingers] Time for Plan B! Sheldon and Eugene, you know what to do.
Sheldon and Eugene: Yes, sir. [cuts to the two of them heading towards Gary’s pen]
Gary: [resting on a pillow] Meow.
Eugene: Psst, Snailster Gary! Wait… no. Gary! We need your help.
Sheldon: Perhaps he can just come to me-
Eugene: No, Plankton, we have to work together. [turns back to Gary] Gary, can you sabotage their CrazySponge sculpture?
Gary: [looks around and then nods his head] Meow meow!
Sheldon: Excellent! Make up the biggest slime ball poss- [SpongeBob walks over with an angry look]
SpongeBob: Gary the Snail, what are you doing? Remember that at the end of the day, you’re supposed to be riding with Team SpongeBob, whether you’re the class pet or not!
Gary: Meow? [glances at both teams and then gets an uninterested look] Pffft. [spits out a slime block and starts to mold it into a sculpture]
SpongeBob: Good boy. [pets him and then looks at Sheldon and Eugene] Hah, nice try, losers.
Eugene: Argh… alright, FINE! Time for Plan C then. Sheldon?
Sheldon: I’m honored, Eugene.
Matchy: HEY! Do it quickly, we’re lagging behind! [Eugene nods and then picks Sheldon up. He cocks him back like a bow and arrow and then aims at CrazySponge who is running around on the top of the sculpture] And… SEND IT! [launches Sheldon who hits CrazySponge like a missile and knocks him to the ground]
CrazySponge: o… [dies]
Team CrazySponge: OH MY GOD CRAZYSPONGE DIED OH GOD OH FUCK!
Bubble Bass: Well… I guess I’m the new leader. [puts on bandana] Alright, we will be remaking this sculpture into one of Mermaid Man and- [bandana starts cutting circulation off] Holy shit, I need a looser one.
Sandy: No, we must preserve his legacy. As for Team Matchy, I have a little surprise for them. [gets an evil grin as she calls for Matchy] Hey, Matchy, guess what?
Matchy: [stops sculpting and looks over] Yeah?
[Sandy unzips her air suit and flashes her boobs to Matchy as it shows her mesmerized by them]
Sandy: Well, what do you think? [Matchy becomes blinded]
Matchy: Oh boy! OH BEN BENNY BOY! [reaches down into her pants and starts yanking] OWWEWRWEWAAGGAGAHAH!!! [Squidward walks over and grabs her arm]
Squidward: MATCHY!!! I GAVE YOU ONE RULE TO FOLLOW! Such disgusting behavior by a team captain. VACATE THE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY!
Matchy: Ugh. Not again. [walks away; Team CrazySponge thanks Sandy]
SpongeBob: Nice thinking, Thot Sandy! Now it’s 4 versus 4.
Patrick: Can you flash me next?
Sandy: No. [goes back to the sculpture to notice that her chisel is missing] Um… what?
Bubble Bass: Sandy, get back to work! [starts chomping on a bag of potato chips]
Sandy: I can’t, our tools are missing. Where could they b- [looks over to see everyone on Team Matchy with several tools at once, causing Sandy to erupt in anger]
Sheldon Come on my servants chisel! CHISEL! [ everyone starts chiseling faster]
Eugene Okay sheldon, but my arms are falling off!
Sheldon DEAL WITH IT KRABS!
Squidward: Speed it up class ends in 20 minutes.
Bubble Bass: Oh yeah mermaid man fan fics here I cum, oh wait I mean come. Well both work.
[Shows team CrazySponge:]
Sandy: Wow looks like they are almost done.
SpongeBob: [Smirks] I have an idea.
Rest of team CrazySponge: Yeah?
SpongeBob: [charges Sheldon and tackles him, squishing him in one of SpongeBob’s holes.]
Sheldon: [hitting the inside of SpongeBob] GET ME OUTTA HERE!
Squidward up from his magazine: What is going on over there?
Sheldon: GET ME OUT!
Squidward: [Walks over and pills Sheldon out]
Patrick: Hey Squiddie I’m sure part of Sheldon is in me!
Squidward: [ Patrick and walks to his desk.]
Gary: Meow! [ shows his nasty slobbery slime sculpture]
Spongebob: Wow very good Gary! [Charges Eugene]
Eugene: Oh no you don’t boy! [grabs spongebob]
Sandy: GET THEM! [all of the students start charging toward each other. A tumbleweed of students forms]
Sheldon: Not the sculpture! [ bits and pieces chip of here chunks break off there and marble is everywhere]
Squidward: THAT IS ENOUGH! [the tumbleweed breaks apart] It is time to judge the sculptures.
Matchy: Can I come back for the judging part?
Squidward: NO! [Matchy leaves] Okay, sorry for the minor inconvenience. Let’s look at these sculptures! [walks over to Matchy’s team’s sculpture] Hmmm, is it a broken desk? There are cracks all over the place and. [Patrick interrupts him]
Patrick: Haha! Cracks! Like the one I’m exploring tonight at three?
Squidward: PATRICK! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS SEXUAL DEGENERACY!?
Patrick: Uh… 42?
Squidward: Anyway, Team Matchy, your sculpture sucks.
Eugene: Yeah, says the one who made Belongs in the Trash.
Squidward: Moving on. [walks over to Team CrazySponge’s statue as his eyes bulge out] Are… are you kidding me? [giggles]
Bubble Bass: Don’t you love it?
Squidward: Not at all. Why is CrazySponge half of it? And why is Mermaid Man the other part?
Bubble Bass: [laughs] Well of course, the old prodigy had a few creative directions up his sleeves, heheh…
Squidward: You know what I say? Both of your sculptures are garbage.
[everyone gasps]
Sheldon: Come on, octopus! Just like in the 2016 election with Trump and Hillary, you have to pick one of us! Who will it be? The giant douche or the turd sandwich?
Squidward: Actually, Plankton, I choose to vote third party. Gary wins! [cuts to show Gary next to his winning sculpture]
SpongeBob: Well done, buddy. [pats his eyes]
Gary: Meow!
Bubble Bass: What?! How did we lose a sculpting competition to the class pet?
Sandy: Well hey, at least they remembered that Gary was introduced into the show, and not like CrazySponge, who they still have not shown working at the Krusty Krab.
SpongeBob: Seriously, this is how we’re ending this episode?
Squidward: Yes. Gary wins, you two lose. [lights a joint] End of discussion.
[cuts to everyone with a deadpan expression and Gary winking, as the episode ends]
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