We're Really Doing This Again?

We're Really Doing This Again? is the first and second episode of Total Drama: Resurrection. The episode is split into two full-length scripted episodes. The first episode covers the reintroductions to the characters, and the second episode features the first two challenges and eliminations.
== Part One Synopsis ==
Three hosts and twenty-four contestants make their debut after being off the air for years. Romantic relationships strengthened and strained, new interactions, and conflicts rest on the horizon. Welcome back.
== Part One Script ==
=== Intro - A Heartfelt Reintroduction ===
The camera pans down a long dock, an island setting is featured in the background. As the camera reaches the end of the dock, it falls over and cuts to static dramatically. Footsteps are heard walking down the dock slowly, and a long, deep breath followed by a sigh is heard. 
Voice:
Ah, it feels good to be home!
The camera is brought back, inexplicably rising up and the footage restored. A masculine figure with long, black hair is seen facing the water on the dock, the camera spins around the figure to reveal the long time beloved host…
Chris:
It warms my heart to finally say it one more time… WELCOME BACK TO AN ALL-NEW TOTAL DRAMA! It’s been a long journey to make it back to you guys, our adoring fans, and organize a massive season just for your viewing pleasure! We love you and we hope that we’ll never be separated for so long ever again.
Chris wipes a little tear away from his eye, and then gives his signature pearl white grin to the camera.
Now, why don’t we catch you all up. It’s been a while. 
Chris walks down to a producer’s chair sitting out for him at the edge of the dock.
Last time on Total Drama… Two impressive athletes competed in what was at the time our finale. Paired with significant, and insignificant, others, lies were exposed and lots of tears were shed. How sad, how could you not shed a tear for the kids? Haha! In the end, the best competitor won. Now! I’ve polled the fans, I’ve seen the outcry on social media, your voices were heard! I’ve brought back a jam packed cast full of twenty-four victims you loved and loved to hate. From the show’s extensive ten year legacy, I promise you the most action packed, romance-ified, drama filled season you have ever witnessed, and with my work husband, the old faithful Chef Hatchet at my side… and the media mogul that bought her way into the show, Blaineley, I welcome you to sit back, relax, and enjoy.
This is…
TOTAL!
DRAMA!
RESURRECTION!
The camera pans out more, revealing two additional seats, one on both sides of Chris, revealing Chef Hatchet and Blaineley sitting beside him. The three give each other a glance, and then pose for the camera, the three of them cackling as the screen fades to black.
The theme song begins to play in its full entirety. The show is back. Well, in a lovingly fan devoted script form as we all await the real return of the show following its mid-2021 announcement. Enjoy, my loves. This is for all of us that have waited for the return since 2014. While the three generations of characters are confirmed to no longer be in use, with the second and third generation, as well as the Ridonculous Race cast, being Thanos-snapped from existence, as well as Total Drama Action and World Tour, I hope you read this devoted fanfic and keep these characters in your hearts. This one’s for you.
=== Act One ===
Setting - Pahkitew Island, The Docks
Chris:
As I’ve said, I invited a wide array of the most loved and most hated contestants, got them to sign new contracts, and then narrowed the picks down to the twenty-four contestants that will compete over this summer to be the last one standing and collect the newly upgraded TWO MILLION DOLLAR GRAND PRIZE!
Blaineley:
Our first boat is arriving, Chris! I’m so excited, I could burst a blood vessel!
The first boat pulls in, two pairs of feet step off. A brown pair of boots and beat up red and white gym sneakers are seen, and bags of luggage hit the jock, the camera pans out to reveal the first two contestants as LINDSAY and TYLER.
Lindsay:
Oh my gosh, Tyler, LOOK! It’s like home!
Tyler:
Yeah, babe! It’s almost as if we never left.
Chris: 
Lindsay! Tyler! Welcome! Although you two have never been on Pahkitew Island before, I’ll let the false memories slide for now. Dudes, you’re the first two to arrive! 
Blaineley walks over to Chris’ side, microphone in hand, asking the returning contestants questions.
Blaineley:
So, Lindsay! Tyler! It’s been quite a few years since Total Drama ended for you, especially for you, Tyler. What have you two been doing?
Lindsay:
Well, today I saw an adorable little puppy with the absolute CUTEST little button nose!
Blaineley:
As… nice as that is, I mean in general. What have you two been keeping up to? We noticed that you two arrived together. What’s the status of Canada’s favorite summertime sweethearts?
Lindsay:
Well, I can’t speak for Avril Lavigne, but Tyler and I DID get married and moved in together!
Tyler:
Yeah, we did dude! Plus we have an open marriage and occasionally one of us will bring ho-
Blaineley (interrupting him):
Remember, this is a family show. No need to go into that great of a detail. Trust me, it’s okay to keep some secrets, dear. 
A horn honks, and a thud is heard from the other side of the dock, Blaineley shoos Lindsay and Tyler out of the way, Tyler, as clumsy as ever, trips and falls into the lake. Lindsay tries to help him out of the water and the camera pans to another pair of feet stepping off the boat. Blue and white shoes step down followed by the loud THUDS of a few heavy luggage bags. The camera pans up to reveal TOPHER. The production has arrived.
Topher:
Hello world, hello Canada. Quick question: are you brown cow stunning? Reclaiming my time, reclaiming my crown. Chris, enough with the formalities. Cut me my check. 
Topher gives quite a few poses to the camera as Chris rolls his eyes, but keeping his smile.
Chris:
Topher! The production, welcome back. As a safety precaution, your contract had a little something extra in it. You will be automatically eliminated if even so much as the thought of trying to steal my job ever crosses that vacant little mind of yours. Capice?
Topher turned his head, confused.
Topher:
Sorry, I don’t speak Spanish. Anyways! I don’t want your job anymore, hosting is for olds that can’t find any work. After Pahkitew Island finished, my career began to SOAR! I’ve made millions from modeling, my Onlystans, my beautiful singing voice, my incredible acting… I’m doing it all. And at 22, I’m on top of the world. When you were 22, you were just kicked out of your boy band, remember that?
Chris gave another eye roll and just shoved Topher closer to Blaineley to get him away from his spotlight. 
Blaineley:
So Topher, with your run on Pahkitew Island, you quickly became a breakout star and launched a successful career from what could’ve easily spelled out disaster. A model, a singer, an actor, a dancer, a drag queen. What made you decide to want to return?
Topher: 
Now come on now, just look at me. This hair, this face, the body, the abs. I’m just fit for a crown, so I’ve come back to take it. Besides, imagine how good it would look when I’m crowned the first ever gay winner of Total Drama in its entire history. I’m here to end the homophobic streak of terror. I’m the new face of Total Drama, and it’s absolutely sickening.
Blaineley:
On that we agree…
As Blaineley got rid of Topher with a grunt, he went and stood next to Tyler. Looking at the two for a moment, Topher deemed them worthy of his time and gave them a smile, mainly Tyler.
Lindsay:
Ohmygosh, your skin is, like, so smooth.
Topher:
I have eyes and a mirror, I know. Trust.
Tyler:
Maybe you could teach me something about skincare.
Topher:
Honey, if your gorgeous woman couldn’t teach you, I’m glad you came to the master.
The next boat honked and a new pair of feet stepped onto the dock. Tattered black shoes that looked sewn together at this point. The camera panned out to reveal SCOTT.
Scott:
I’m back… again. 
Chris:
Scott! As stinky and sweaty as ever. One of the best villains we’ve ever had on the show.
Scott:
It wasn’t like there was any stiff competition. I’m just that good at the job.
Chris:
While it’s… fun to catch up with you, you’re killing me. My sides are just splitting.
Scott walked awkwardly over to Blaineley, who was holding her nose shut from Scott’s stench. 
Blaineley:
So Scott, what makes a simple hog calling dirt farmer decide to join a reality show not once, not twice, but now back for your third time?
Scott:
Money.
Blaineley:
You’re one of the most prolific villains Total Drama has ever had, amazing how some backwoods country bumpkin hillbilly humpbump was so successful in such an intense game of strategy.
Scott:
Why, thank y- HEY?! It’s like wrangling hogs, which you should be pretty familiar with, ma’am.
Blaineley’s mouth opened wide in anger following Scott reading her as Chris couldn’t even hide his laughter.
Chris:
Man, have I missed you.
Scott walked across the dock to meet up with the other three. Lindsay looked happy to see him and wrapped him in a hug. Topher pinched his nose shut, gagging dramatically.
Topher:
Ugh, Jesus, gross. What is that stench?
Lindsay:
Scooter!
Scott:
Um, it’s Scott… Lindsay. 
Lindsay:
That’s what I said?
Tyler held his fist out to fistbump Scott as a way to say hello, but Scott just stood and stared at his hand, confused. The bumpkin is unfamiliar with this gesture. Before he can say anything, another horn honks from the next boat and white majorette boots step off slowly, as if questioning their return. The camera pans to reveal SAMEY. She shuffles slowly to Chris.
Samey:
I guess I’m locked into this after all, huh?
Chris (smug):
That’s right, Samey. Under an iron clad contract. Don’t you just love lawyers?
Samey:
Yeah, whatever. 
Samey slowly walks over to meet the other contestants, she perks up seeing a familiar face and somewhat friend in Topher. She gives him a little hug and stands at his side. 
Topher:
Hey, S, baby. How are you?
Samey:
I’ll cope, I guess. I don’t know what I was thinking when I agreed to this. At least this time, Amy isn’t here to ruin anything.
Topher:
What happened to her? I haven’t seen her since you two started fighting at my first eyeshadow palette launch party.
Samey:
I honestly don’t know. I haven’t seen her since. She moved out that night. Me and mom have been so much happier without her.
Lindsay:
Ohmygosh! You have a sister? I have two! One time, my sister Rose convinced me to plant Skittles in the garden and a candy tree would grow! 
Samey:
Aw, that sounds like childhood fun. I wish I could have a sister like that.
Lindsay:
Childhood? No! That was last week!
Before anyone could find a response to that, the next set of shoes stepped onto the dock. Beige, bland sandals, and as the camera panned out, it was ZOEY.
Zoey:
Hi everyone!
Chris:
Zoey! So nice to see you again!
Zoey:
It’s nice to be back, somewhat. I'm a little sad that Mike and Cam aren’t going to be here with me.
Chris:
Well, it was either bring all of you back and watch you be cardboard again, or let you compete alone and prove yourself to the audience that believed that you didn’t deserve the All-Star finale. But if that’s too much of an issue, TOO BAD! You signed the contracts. 
Before Zoey can even get to move out the way, the next boat was behind her immediately. This must have been the work of production because ANNE MARIA steps off the boat after giving her hair a long spritz from a can of hairspray.
Anne Maria:
Hey, Tacky! I mean - Teresa.
Zoey (annoyed):
It’s Zoey. As in, the one that’s dating Mike.
Anne Maria: 
Hm. Just points out how forgettable you are. How sad.
She turned to look at the assortment of the rest of the contestants on the dock and ran toward them.
Anne Maria:
Hey, everyone! Party over here!
Zoey angrily stomped down the dock. Upset about her one time romantic rival upstaging her, and also at someone else that she has dismissed previously as being weak and lazy, Lindsay.
Zoey: 
Funny seeing you here when you basically walked out the last time you competed.
Lindsay:
I was bored.
Before Zoey could even form a response to such a simple answer, the next horn indicated the arrival of the next contestant on the boat. SHAWN silently steps off the boat. 
Chris:
Shawn! Probably one of the best winners to ever grace the show. With the break, you have the longest reign of a winner in Total Drama history. Now you’re back to extend it. 
Shawn:
I was so close to saying ‘no’ like Sky, but a two million dollar prize. Do you know what kind of improvements I can install into my bunker with that kind of dough? The gym can grow, state of the art security cameras, a backup zombie restoration chamber, a-
Chris: 
Uh huh… 
Blaineley:
So, Shawn, your romance with Jasmine was one of the most prolific couples in reality tv history. Can you share what’s been happening on that front?
Shawn: 
Well, after I won, I split the money with Jasmine for her fight club flower shop like I promised, and she figured that it was best to open and run it in Australia because it was familiar to her, so she went back home. 
Blaineley:
I see, so you haven’t seen her since?
Shawn:
No, but we text every day, well, we did…
Blaineley:
Interesting…
Shawn shrugged and walked to meet with the other contestants. Like before, Topher gagged. Samey gave her friend a warm smile and a little wave.
Topher: 
Good lord, who invited all the stinkies and why? They’re, like, ruining my beautifully exfoliated nose. 
Shawn rolled his eyes and gave him a little smirk. 
Shawn:
So, bottom, still as catty as ever, huh?
Topher:
Rather be catty than not bathe. 
Anne Maria:
Girls, go ahead and fight this out, less competition for me to win. 
Scott:
Oh, please. With all that fancy hairspray, those fumes rotted your brain to pig slop. Mmm, pig slop. Really mouthwatering on a cow cracker. 
Zoey:
How is everything on Green Acres?
Topher:
Girl, that joke is as dated as that Santee Alley 2008 crop top. 
Lindsay:
Ohmygosh, Santee Alley? Right now? Let’s go shopping, yay! 
Tyler: 
I’m so down, babe.
Chris:
Nobody is leaving! Maybe a shopping trip will be coming up in the future… only if you win the right challenge. Until then, sucks to be you. 
The next boat honks to alert everyone of it’s arrival. TRENT steps off the boat with his bags and his guitar case. 
Topher:
Ew, no!
Trent: 
Well, thanks for that introduction. Anyways, Chris! Thanks for having me back, bro. Psyched to be here, man. 
Chris: 
Trent, dude. We finally get you back since you’ve missed so much of the game. 
Blaineley:
So Trent, given Topher’s wonderful greeting, give us the details. Is there some sort of history we missed out on in all the years you haven’t been on television?
Trent:
We went on a few dates quite a few times, he was my boyfriend for a while. 
Topher: 
No! Boyfriend implies something serious. Nobody can take you seriously. Plus the one thing you COULD give me, you weren’t very good at. Literally terrible. Worse than Madonna acting in Who’s That Girl. Who would’ve figured that with that big guitar, you couldn’t perform. 
Anne Maria:
Something that big and he can’t even use it right? How tragic. 
Topher: 
Girl, tell me about it. It was so embarrassing. 
Blaineley:
Oh, this season is gonna be fun!
Chris:
Relationship drama on the first episode? You kids really want us to win some awards this year. Keep it up!
Topher:
It wasn’t a relationship!
As if to relieve tensions, the next boat arrived, dropping off a face not seen on the show in years. SADIE squeals and jumps off the boat, dropping her luggage down and immediately charging Chris, wrapping him in a tight bear hug. 
Sadie:
OMSQUEE! It’s, like, SOOOOO good to be back and see all of my friends again! 
Chris:
Can’t… breathe!
Sadie:
Oops! 
She drops Chris, then runs to meet everyone else, she and Lindsay are particularly happy to be reunited, squealing at loud volumes after Sadie gives tight hugs to Trent, Tyler, and Lindsay. 
Sadie:
I’m, like, so excited to be here!
Blaineley:
I gotta say, it’s surprising to see you come here and Katie declined the invitation. 
Sadie:
Oh, simple! We decided that it would be easier for one of us to accept the invitation and the other declines so there’s a good chance we can win back to back seasons!
Blaineley:
I can’t tell if that’s a smart idea or really stupid. 
Shawn:
It’s stupid. Why not compete together and then there’s a better chance that the two of you would end up winning?
Sadie:
Because we don’t want to compete against each other again. 
Anne Maria:
Either way, it’s not like you’re winning. Not when I’m here. 
Scott:
Do you really think you’d win?
Anne Maria:
I can win a challenge right now…
She glared at Scott and cracked her knuckles, Scott is rightly scared of her and hides behind Tyler. At this point, the next boat honks on arrival and COURTNEY steps off the boat. Scott is delighted to see her. Sadie is less than delighted. 
Courtney:
Well, Chris. It seems you’ve made it easy for me to finally get my rightful win now. Where’s the competition? 
A loud, familiar voice came from behind her as the next boat arrived. 
Voice: 
Right here, princess!
A heavy THUD of luggage bags and feet jumped off the boat. The demon from Courtney’s past, DUNCAN, has made his return. 
Duncan:
Didn’t think that they’d start the party without me, did you sweet cheeks? 
Courtney: 
If they had any good taste and low tolerance from neanderthals fresh out of prison. How’s Big Bubba, by the way? 
Duncan:
How about I give him a call and he can remove the stick from up your a-
With no hesitation, Courtney pushed Duncan off the dock and into the water. Trent offers his hand to help Duncan up. 
Courtney: 
Don’t help him up, mutts need to know their place!
Duncan:
See, this proves that your temper still flairs for me, babe. 
Courtney:
Oh, I’ll heat you up all right. 
Before Courtney can strike Duncan, another boat horn honks, another contestant has arrived. LIGHTNING jumps down, doing a series of front flips before landing on his feet. 
Lightning:
SHA-BAM, like THAT!
Courtney and Scott:
Oh, no. 
Topher:
Ooh, he’s hot. 
Lightning:
I sha-know. The Lightning is here in all his godly perfection. 
Blaineley:
So he is. 
Chris:
Maybe this was a mistake. 
Lightning:
The Lightning is by no means a sha-mistake. The Lightning is a winner. THE winner. Sha-yeah!
Scott:
You lost to CAMERON of all people. A scrawny weakling beat you. 
Zoey: 
Cam is a genius, of course he took this bull down easily. Not like it’s hard. 
Anne Maria:
He literally eliminated you, pasty clown. 
Lighting:
And I’m gonna do it again. Sha-bam!
The next boat arrived with a loud honk. Another unfamiliar face that’s been off the show for a long time. EVA carries her luggage off the boat and takes her headphones out. 
Eva: 
I can’t believe that I actually agreed to this. 
Chris:
But you did, Eva. You did. 
Courtney:
Really, Chris? You bring her back? She’s crazy, she could kill us in our sleep. Let’s hope she got some anger management at least. 
Eva:
Isn’t that rich?
Duncan: 
Literally, the pot and the kettle.
Tyler:
No dish and spoon? 
Eva: 
Wow, it feels like ages and you’ve never changed, jockstrap. It’s good to see you. 
Eva and Tyler fist bump while Courtney punches Duncan in the side of the head, knocking him down. Samey and Trent help Duncan up as the next boat arrives. Strangely, there is no horn sound, but everything is silent. DAWN seemingly levitates off the boat and steps down the dock, her footsteps echo. 
Dawn:
Greetings, fellow children of Mother Earth and the forces of nature. It’s a pleasure to be reacquainted. May goodwill, sunshine, and the moon balance your chakras and keep your life stable.
Topher:
Really?
Chris: 
I know, I can’t explain it either, but somehow she’s a fan favorite and was at the top of the list to call. 
Scott:
Well, fairy princess. Long time, no see. Miss me any?
Dawn:
As much as the kitchen rats miss you while you’re away. 
Lightning:
Ain’t that the sha-girl that stole the Lightning’s protein?
Eva:
Do you pay any attention to what’s going on around you? At all?
Dawn steps down the dock to mingle with the others in her own way. She has a talk with Scott. 
Dawn:
I sense a great change within you. The poison clouding your heart has dissipated and you now feel open to receiving love from whomever will give it to you. You worry that they’ll see your body and you hope that’s enough because you’re poor and uneducated and exercise poor hygiene. 
Scott:
Uh… you must be crazy, little fairy. I’m just as evil as I was back then. Plus I’m plenty of educated. 
The next horn honks as the boat arrives. Following the loud screech of metal being repeatedly polished, or in this case, cleansed, DAVE steps off the boat, wiping his luggage off with wet wipes. The entire cast gives him a death glare, save for Shawn that gives him a slight smile. They’re aware of Dave and his… actions at the end of Pahkitew Island. 
Dave (nervously):
Uh… hi, everyone? 
Anne Maria:
You gotta lotta nerve even thinking of showing up here. 
Topher: 
Well, we need someone to go home first. 
Eva:
Try something like that again, scrawny. See if you don’t leave here in a body bag with a tag on your big toe. 
Sadie:
If you even leave at all. 
Dawn suddenly pops up behind Dave, as if she just materialized behind him.  
Dawn:
Your aura indicated that you return with the intention to make amends with all the lives you’ve endangered. There is a great conflict with you. We wish to prove your heart to be valiant and true while you’re too weak to openly confront the entity that left a taint on your soul. 
Dave:
Uh, that’s… well, the long way to put it…
Dave walks down the dock, all eyes on him as he did with Dawn escorting him for some reason. He stands between her and Shawn. 
Dave: 
Uh, hi.
Shawn:
Yo.
Dave:
How have you been?
Shawn:
Listen, dude. You don’t need to make small talk, our fight was simply competition. Even though you tried to get my somewhat-girlfriend to try and kill me, I get it. 
Dave:
So what are you saying?
Shawn:
I’m saying that you’re my best friend and I’d rather save you from the zombie apocalypse when it comes than trust someone else with my life. 
Dave blushes a little, Dawn takes immediate notice. 
Dawn:
Your aura shifted to dark red, the color of pa-Oh, what’s this? There’s something you don’t feel as if you can disclose. 
Dave:
Listen, you seem like a lovely person, and I don’t know how you know all of this about me, but can we maybe keep that part a secret? At least for now? Besides, everyone here looks ready to kill me, if my allergies don’t do it first. 
Another honk, another contestant's arrival. GWEN steps off the boat, already angry. 
Gwen:
I can’t believe that the All-Stars contract from 2013 actually held up in court. 
Chris: 
Don’t you just love lawyers, kids?
Gwen: 
I hate you. 
Duncan:
So look at this, both of my sexy babes and me all brought together again, and me without my camera to record and sell the video. 
Gwen:
Get bent. 
Topher:
If you want, we could make something for my Onlystans. You look hot enough to star with me. 
Duncan:
You know what? You’re on, bottom. Me and three hot babes. 
Topher:
Yeah, no. Never mind. I don’t title share like that. 
Courtney:
I feel violently ill. 
Chris:
I’m with you, this is more than enough. 
Duncan:
Oh come on, you know you’re obsessed with me.
Trent:
You already got my ex-girlfriend. Do you need my ex-boyfriend too? What, do you collect them like trophies?
Topher:
Again, I wasn’t your boyfriend. 
Gwen makes a gagging motion with her finger in her mouth then walks down the dock to meet with the few people there that she likes. Lindsay, Tyler, Zoey, and Trent, but mainly trying to talk to Courtney. 
Gwen:
So, uh, it’s been years.
Courtney: 
Hm. Maybe it’s because you decided that your moral superiority was worth more than our friendship because I want to win and you need to ride your high horse everywhere you go? Could that be it? Think that would do it?
Lindsay:
I think Courtney wants you to make fun of Duncan again, you know, for old time’s sake. 
Trent:
I don’t think that’ll do it, Lindsay. 
Tyler:
It wouldn’t hurt to try, dude. 
Zoey:
That’s a really bad idea. 
Lindsay: 
Yeah, do it, Ben!
Trent:
If you really want to make things right with Courtney, show her how you feel. Show her that her friendship is essential to you. 
Gwen:
You mean I should once again show her random acts of kindness in hopes that she’ll forgive me? I already did that once. Shouldn’t that be enough. 
Lindsay:
Well, you did kiss and start dating her boyfriend, which ended your friendship the first time as well as her relationship and turned them into hostile enemies. 
Zoey:
And then once you finally made up with her again, you did just cast her aside when she was just as determined to win as she was before. 
Gwen:
All right, all right. I get it. I’m horrible. 
Lindsay:
Gee, when you put it out there, you are. 
Gwen (mocking her):
Gee, when you put it out there, I GET IT! Besides, she lied to me. Twice. She promised that we’d go all the way to the finale and she kissed Cameron. 
Zoey:
To be fair, you also went back on that promise, too. You voted her out and tried to get her to vote herself. Also, for the record, Cameron kissed her because Mal convinced him that it was for the best for his survival in the game. She even told you that. 
Gwen:
She didn’t even follow through on that. She voted for Scott. And you, wanting to see the good in everyone, helped her vote for Scott. 
Trent:
It just seems to me that now you’re just looking to be as moody and wishy-washy as you want but don’t want to suffer any consequences for your actions. 
The next boat arrived delivering two very familiar yet very unpopular faces. HEATHER and ALEJANDRO step off together, Not a single set of eyes is happy to see them. 
Heather:
Oh, brighten up, people. At least now you know that people will be watching the season. 
Alejandro:
Sí, just hope that you’re still around long enough to look decent. Pick your jaws up off the floor. 
Courtney:
Trust me, nobody will be watching for you two. 
Scott:
Yeah!
Topher:
I’m glad we’re all in agreement. They’ll be watching for me.
Sadie:
Gag.
Topher:
No, I don’t have that reflex anymore. 
Heather:
And, uh, who are you? 
Topher:
Gasp! I’m THE Topher Meighan! Starlet!
Alejandro:
Sorry, we don’t talk to unknown losers. 
Topher:
Gasp again!
As Topher’s mouth opened to say something else, he was cut off by the next boat’s horn as Heather and Alejandro walked down the dock reluctantly to join the others. Off the next boat stepped JASMINE. 
Jasmine:
So, we’re really doing this again?
Blaineley:
And given some of what we’ve learned about you and a certain other cast member, this season will be awfully fun. 
Chris: 
For us and the viewers, not you. 
Jasmine:
What are you talking about?
Blaineley:
Oh, just your communication skills… well, your lack of. 
Jasmine shrugged this cryptic message off and joined the others, before finding Shawn in the crowd. Things are… awkward from their being a lack of communication in the couple. 
Jasmine:
Shawn! It’s so great to see you!
Shawn:
It’s nice to see you, too. It’s been a year since I last heard from you, my girlfriend. 
Jasmine:
Yeah, it’s… been quite a year. The fight club flower shop took off after it became a tourist attraction and I suddenly owned a chain of them all across Australia. 
Shawn:
Oh, nice. I just wish you could’ve kept me in the loop since, you know, I’m technically a co-owner, and, you know, you’re supposed to be my girlfriend.
Blaineley:
Hey! Save it for the camera, kids! We can’t have you airing all the dirty laundry out on the first episode!
Dave tries to break the tension by attempting to strike up a conversation with Jasmine. 
Dave:
Hey, Jasmine. Long time, no see. I hear your business took off. That’s great! 
Heather:
You literally just heard that. From her. Literally right now. 
Jasmine:
Yeah, I never expected that two of my hobbies would become really popular with tourists looking to enrich their lives by pretending to be interested in cultures from different countries. 
Lindsay:
So, you’re, like, from Australia?
Topher: 
Like, the Kylie Minogue Australia?
Jasmine: 
Yeah, that Australia. Topher, we’ve met. 
Topher:
I thought you were from the Kim Petras Australia?
Heather:
That’s Austria, nitwit. 
Dave:
And isn’t Kim Petras from Germany?
Anne Maria:
You know Kim Petras?
The next boat arrives with a loud honk. RODNEY steps off the boat and walks to Chris. 
Rodney:
Here I am. 
Shawn, Samey, and Jasmine:
Really?
Topher:
Did you run out of icons like me?
Sadie:
Honey, what’s this? What’s happening here?
Samey: 
That’s Rodney. He kinda just spent his time on our season being really weird around every girl. 
Shawn:
Except Sugar. 
Dave:
To be fair, Sugar is weird enough for a full cast, let alone Rodney. 
Chris:
Rodney! Welcome back! 
Blaineley:
Is it too late to see if Noah is still too busy to rethink his ‘no?’ 
Rodney:
What was that, ma’am?
Blaineley:
Ma’am? I’m only… thirty. 
Chris:
In what, Blaineley? Dog years? 
Rodney walks down the dock and officially joins the group. He finds a familiar face in the crowd he wasn’t attracted to. 
Rodney: 
So, how’s the farm in Twin Oaks?
Scott:
Pappy made a new discovery called Tomacco by accident, and it got popular with the townsfolk, but he spent the money on one of those fancy newfangled flame machines and burnt the crops down and now they won’t grow anymore. 
Rodney:
That sounds like Pops. The more things change, the more they sound the same. 
Zoey:
Pappy? Pops? You two are related?
Heather:
All two brain cells worked together on that one. 
Scott:
Yeah, Red. Rodney here is my cousin. His father is my uncle. 
Alejandro:
That tends to be how cousins work. 
The next boat honks to denote it’s arrival. BRICK gives the hosts and contestants a salute before stepping off the boat, carrying his bags. 
Brick:
It feels lovely to be back. Especially with my new degree. 
Blaineley:
In fashion.
Brick:
Thanks to Cam. So sweet of him to put me through college just to help me spite my dad. 
Chris:
Yeah, yeah, yadda yadda yadda. Maybe we should’ve looked into more than just fan reception before we started casting. There’s still another bore to come and one that’ll be fun. 
Before Brick even thought to move down the dock, the next boat arrived with a honk. DJ gave a friendly wave and then rushed down the dock. 
DJ:
Yo, Chris! Excited to be back, man!
Chris:
You better not wimp out on us again, dude. Not cool. I expect great things from you, don’t let me down a fourth time. 
DJ:
You have my word, man!
DJ and Chris fist bump and he and Brick walk down to meet the other contestants. DJ is treated very warmly from the contestants returning from the first generation minus Heather, likewise for Brick from the second generation cast. 
DJ:
Oh, come on now, Heather. You can’t be mad that I didn’t take that alliance forever. 
Heather:
Oh, I absolutely can. I could’ve gotten you to the end. You’re a loser by choice. 
Dawn:
Greetings, Brick. It’s lovely to see you and that warm light green aura of yours once again. 
Brick:
Ah, Dawn. It’s just as lovely to see you. How did selling your souvenirs for the mutated animal charity go?
Dawn:
Not as good as I had hoped, but I managed to raise enough money to purify the poor animals on Wawanakwa of their grisly mutations and relocate them to Boney Island where they are free from Chris’ evil grasp. 
Brick:
So, does that also count for the mutated Dakota and Ezekiel?
Dawn:
As for Ezekiel, I am not sure. I cannot sense him. As for Dakota, I understand that her father took her to experimental treatment to cure her and her hair is slowly regrowing. She is most pleased. Sam is having a difficult time adjusting, but Dakota assured him that he is all the man in the world to her. 
Brick:
You still keep in contact with our former castmates?
Dawn:
In some cases. I send a written letter with my snow owl to keep in contact with friends. I believe that when you meet someone, it is fate and you are from there on in bonded for life, and I can sense them, I use this to keep in contact with certain cast members like Scott and Jo. 
Scott:
HEY?!
Chris:
Everyone quiet for a moment! I need a headcount!
As everyone quieted down, Chris made Blaineley take count of every contestant that had arrived. 
Blaineley:
Twenty-three!
Chris:
Twenty-three? That can’t be right?
Blaineley counts again. 
Blaineley: 
Yep! Twenty-three!
Heather:
What did you do? Overbook? Typical. At least we all know that I’ll be staying. 
Courtney:
Yeah, because we still need someone to go home first.
Chris:
No, underbooked. It seems that the last of the boats is running la-
As if just summoned, the last boat rolls up to the dock and honks its horn to signify the arrival of the last contestant. They step off. Their face looks familiar, but they are otherwise totally unrecognizable. Long brown hair tied up into a high ponytail framed the face. 
Chris:
There we go, our final contestant!
Dave:
Who is it?
Sadie:
If we all returned, who’s that? 
Duncan:
They’re too thin to be Beth. 
Courtney:
Do you have no tact? You should’ve just said that she’s too tall to be Beth. 
Samey gasped in horror, realizing who the last contestant was. 
Samey:
No!
Chris:
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back Amy! How’s that for a shock?
Amy:
Relax your throats, because you’re gagging. 
Topher:
Amy? Why do you look so different?
Amy: 
Because I stopped bleaching my hair. 
Lindsay:
Why? You were so pretty as a blonde. 
Scott:
Well, she IS hot as a brunette, too.
Courtney:
You clearly have a type. 
Amy:
Ew, as if. No. Gross. 
Shawn:
Can we get back on track? Why did you make this drastic change in appearance?
Amy:
Because I wanted to stop looking like the evil clone over there that poisoned me, temporarily stopped my breathing, painted herself as an angel, and kept me from returning so I could win. 
Jasmine:
It’s not like you really could’ve won, Amy. 
Amy:
Please, what was the competition? A psychotic librarian, a purple haired freak, a hungry pageant queen, and a gay that was clearly only there to further his own career. I could easily win. 
Shawn: 
You learn not to underestimate Sugar. Also, I severely doubt you could’ve outlasted Sky, let alone me. 
Chris:
No, trust me, I think she could’ve done it. 
Shawn:
Survival is literally what I do. 
Dave:
For some zombie apocalypse that’ll never come.
Shawn:
Oh, it’ll come, my button-nosed cleaning obsessed friend. But when that day comes, I’ll still protect you, even with your insolence. 
Dave:
All I’m saying is that a zombie apocalypse literally can’t happen. The bodies would rot and fall apart before anything apocalyptic could happen. 
Shawn:
Silly, Dave. Your cynicism can’t break me. 
Trent:
Dude, it sounds like you just smoked a bowl and watched a few too many fantasy movies. 
Amy:
That would explain… an awful lot, actually. 
Shawn:
I don’t smoke. No time. You need all the time you can get to fight the hordes of zombies. 
Blaineley:
SILENCE! Everyone to the campsite. NOW!
Sadie:
We’re all right here, what’s the point in yelling?
Chris:
Just go!
Loud grunting and groaning from all twenty-four contestants as they walked from the dock to the campsite. Tree stumps to sit were waiting for all twenty-four contestants. Half faced the podium and half were sectioned in the peanut gallery. As they all sat down, they were rejoined by Chris, Blaineley, and now Chef Hatchet. 
Chef Hatchet:
Alright maggots, I see that you found your way here and didn’t get lost. Hard work for most of you. Now-
Gwen:
If we can guess whatever loud speech you’re about to give, can we skip it and move on?
Chef Hatchet:
Hush, Grim Reaper! Now, everybody get up and stand single file in line! When your name is called, step forward and sit in the peanut gallery:
Rodney!
Dawn!
Tyler!
Lindsay!
Trent!
Samey!
Amy!
Brick!
Lightning!
Eva! 
DJ!
Sadie!
You twelve will be known as the Ravenous Raccoons from now on! 
That leaves: Courtney! 
Duncan!
Gwen!
Shawn!
Jasmine!
Zoey!
Dave!
Topher!
Heather!
Alejandro!
Anne Maria!
Scott!
From here on out, you twelve will be known as the Vicious Vipers!
Eva:
Courtney, Gwen, and Heather as toxic snakes. A little too on the nose there. 
Chef Hatchet:
I wasn’t finished speaking, Hulk!
Now, given that it’s your first day back, your first challenge will be an easy one. 
Chris:
That’s right, campers! Today’s challenges will be simple!
Samey:
Uh, did you say challenges?
Chris:
That’s right! For your first day back, you will compete in two challenges! The first one will be simple and will earn a reward that can be enjoyed after the campfire ceremony, where the losing team of the second challenge will be eliminating one member. Get into it!
Blaineley:
How exciting!
Chris:
Now, due to somebody, cough Courtney cough, suing, the building shelter challenge has been cut and we were forced to hire someone to build the best cabins Chef’s money could afford. With that being said, Blaineley will be showing you to your cabins. The Raccoons on the left, the Vipers on the right. Now, go unpack and get changed into your swimwear. You’ll prefer it. Then head to the beach for your first challenge.
Topher:
No spa hotel? That’s so homophobic. 
=== Act Two ===
Setting: Pahkitew Island, The Cabins
Blaineley showed the two teams to their cabins. They all unpacked and changed into their swimwear. Cut to the male Vipers. Dave just blankly stares at Shawn in his bathing suit. 
Dave:
Wow. 
Shawn:
What?
Dave:
I would have never guessed you were so… built under your clothes.
Shawn:
Well, I do work out a lot, Dave. Plus I like baggy clothes. People underestimate you when you look scrawny. 
Dave:
Well, they know that I’m scrawny. 
Topher:
Then go to a gym, like, duh. Quit complaining and do something about it. My dietician has a great diet I’m on and my personal trainer sees me everyday. 
Alejandro:
How do they see you every day when you’re here for a while?
Topher:
Did you not read the contracts? We’re allowed our phones now. 
Shawn:
I strongly doubt you read the contract. 
Dave:
More like having someone read it to you. 
Scott:
You guys can read? 
Duncan:
You mean to tell me that you can’t?
Scott:
Hey, reading is-
Topher:
Fundamental?
Scott:
Hard.
Cut to the female Vipers. Heather, Courtney, and Anne Maria argue for one of the two top bunk beds. 
Anne Maria, Courtney, and Heather (in unison):
I call the top bunk! No, I call the top bunk! I’m the top! It’s mine!
Zoey:
Guys, clearly this isn’t working. 
Jasmine:
Zoey’s right, girls. Surely there must be some way we can resolve this. 
While Heather and Courtney are distracted, Anne Maria climbs up to the top bunk of the stack of three beds on the left. 
Anne Maria:
You’re right. There was a better way. Thanks for the distraction girls. 
Courtney:
That was so dirty and underhanded. 
Heather:
Just like her spray tan. 
Courtney laughs and slowly inches towards the ladder to get to the other top bunk, Heather grabs onto her hair and pulls. Courtney shoves Heather off of her and to the ground, and then climbs to the top bunk, victorious. 
Gwen:
Really? The years go on, but still things stay just the same. 
Heather:
Tell us about it, Wednesday. 
Anne Maria:
Magenta over there has been doing an awful lot of complaining since she got here. 
Courtney:
Don’t worry, if we lose, she’s going home first. 
Cut to the female Raccoons. Things aren’t as dysfunctional over here. Almost. 
Eva:
I’m taking a bottom bunk. Easier to get up and lift weights. 
Amy:
You got it, Butch. 
Lindsay:
I would also like a bottom bunk because, like, I’m the prettiest and I can put my makeup on easier. 
Sadie:
I can sleep anywhere. 
Amy:
That makes sense, you look like a bear, you might as well sleep like one. 
Dawn:
It doesn’t matter where you put my earthly belongings, I’m just going to sleep outside with all the lovely ecosystem that inhabits the island. 
Eva:
Okay, Mother Nature. You do that, I’ll use the spare bed for my exercise equipment. 
Dawn:
Your need for power and dominance is a front for your feelings of inadequacy and insecurities. 
Sadie:
Yeah, yeah, whatever. Everyone just pick out a bunk and let’s change! 
The girls unpack and we cut to the male Raccoons. 
Lightning:
The Lightning is on the top bunk because Lightning is sha-always the top. 
Trent:
You’d get along great with Topher. 
Tyler:
Well, I want the other top bunk, then!
DJ:
I’m fine wherever I sleep. 
Rodney:
Doesn’t matter to me, either. 
Brick:
Wanna draw straws or something? I’d prefer being on the bottom so I can get up easier and do my exercises and go for my run without disturbing anyone. But I’m fine with whatever. 
Trent:
Just take the bottom, dude. Nobody’s gonna fight you for it. 
DJ:
Here, let me help you with your bags. 
DJ, Brick, and Rodney carry in the guy’s luggage. 
Rodney:
I wonder what the challenge will be. 
DJ:
Since we need our bathing suits, I’d bet on it being something water related. 
Trent:
Knowing Chris, it’s something insane and asinine. 
DJ:
Like jumping off the cliff again. 
Rodney:
As long as it isn’t avoiding stampeding animals again. That was tough. 
Lightning:
Don’t you sha-run a farm?
Rodney:
Yeah, but I never have to deal with animals stomping and rushing me like that. 
Tyler:
Either way, I guess we should just get dressed. 
During the next half hour, contestants stepped out of the cabins in their best swim attire. Lindsay, Anne Maria, and Topher took the longest to get dressed.
Gwen:
Really? All you did was change into trunks. Why did that take forever?
Topher:
Well, the hair has to be laid just right! This pouf isn’t this perfect without hard work.
Anne Maria:
Tell it, sister!
Shawn:
A big pouf for the big poof.
Topher:
Gasp! That was, like, so homophobic.
Shawn:
I’m literally bi, dude.
Topher:
So?
Dave:
It’s not homphobic if it's LGBT. Then it’s just a read.
Topher:
Azealia Banks.
Eva:
Is a bi woman. So, not homophobic.
Amy:
Oh my god, it’s like some kind of Twilight Zone where we somehow ended up in Topher’s empty mind. Now, Raccoons, let's go! Now!
Scott:
I likes me a bossy lady.
Amy:
Ugh, gag. 
Samey (teasing):
Methinks the lady doth protest too much.
Amy:
Ew. Screw me gently with a chainsaw. I would never be with an unwashed man. Now let’s go!
Amy stomps away towards the beach, Sadie rolling her eyes and silently mocking Amy as she follows behind her, the Raccoons follow after her, and the Vipers follow behind a dueling Courtney and Anne Maria over who should be the team leader.
Gwen:
What, aren’t you going to fight for dominance? 
Heather:
Trust me, I don’t need to. Whichever wins, they’ll fail miserably and then I take control.
Dave:
And then what happens if they don’t?
Alejandro:
Have some faith, pequeno.
Shawn:
I agree with Dave. I’m not familiar with either two, but neither seem like they have the spirit to give up, even when they fail.
Dave:
Why don’t you take over, Shawn? You did great at it before.
Duncan:
Would you two just kiss and get it over with?
Jasmine:
I don’t think it to be very wise to harass my boyfriend, mate.
Gwen:
Isn’t it a little presumptuous to still call him your boyfriend when you haven’t spoken in a year?
Shawn:
I think we’re… fine. I’ll just have to learn to get over it, I suppose. 
Scott:
I don’t think I’d ever just get over being ignored by my girlfriend for a year.
Alejandro:
You’d have to find one, first.
Duncan:
Not necessarily.
Gwen:
Seek help, dolt.
Duncan:
Wanna help me with that problem then, babe?
Gwen:
Get bent.
Zoey:
Guys, can we please stop all the fighting? We’ll never be able to work as a team if all we do is fight all day.
Topher:
Oh, come on! The other team has the Bickerson twins. They’ll never get along and will work on sabotaging the other. We’ll easily win every challenge.
Jasmine:
As much as I love Samey, I have to agree. When it comes to her sister, she’s a lot darker than she lets herself on to be. 
The twenty-four contestants arrive at the beach and find a long wooden platform with painted-on team emblems on either side and whacking sticks color-coded for the teams on their respective sides. 
Chris:
For today’s first challenge, we’re bringing back a Pahkitew Island favorite! You’ll be beating the everloving crap out of the enemy team for a point!
Sadie:
And this is JUST for a small reward after the campfire ceremony?
Chris:
That’s right! And I have twenty-four icon clad contracts that all say that all twenty-four of you have to do it! It’s a great day to be me!
Trent:
You are evil, dude. Not cool.
Cut to static. Cut to Chris standing alone on the docks.
Chris:
Who will be the first to get hurt?
Who will be the first to go home?
Will Topher let anyone else have any screentime?
Find out next time on…
TOTAL!
DRAMA!
RESURRECTION!
== Part Two Synopsis ==
The twenty-four contestants compete in a mini and main challenge to determine which team tastes the first victory as the losers must cope with their loss and eliminate a member.
== Part Two Script ==
=== Intro - Recap ===
Setting: Pahkitew Island, The Docks
Chris and Blaineley appear on screen, standing on the dock.
Chris:
Last time on Total Drama; Resurrection…
Twenty-four fan favorite and fan hated contestants made their reintroductions on Pahkitew Island! Topher and Trent immediately had more friction than they did at night. Jasmine and Shawn had their first reunion in a year, let’s just say tensions were high.
Blaineley:
Topher was as talkative as he could possibly be. Anne Maria and Courtney duked it out for superiority. Now find out just what happens next on..
Chris:
TOTAL!
DRAMA!
RESURRECTION!
The theme song plays. 
Cut to static, then to the docks, where we left off on the previous episode.
=== Act One - The Dock ===
Setting: Pahkitew Island, The Beach, morning.
Chris:
For today’s first challenge, we’re bringing back a Pahkitew Island favorite! You’ll be beating the everloving crap out of the enemy team for a point!
Sadie:
And this is JUST for a small reward after the campfire ceremony?
Chris:
That’s right! And I have twenty-four iron clad contracts that say all twenty-four of you have to do it! It’s a great day to be me!
Trent:
You are evil, dude. Not cool.
Eva:
And what would you know about cool?
Heather:
He thinks walking around with a guitar and pretending to be charming will earn him all the attention he feels he deserves. It’s gross.
Topher:
Girl, tell me about it.
Courtney:
Nobody said that you had to be with him.
Topher:
A lobster dinner is a lobster dinner.
Shawn:
You’re awfully easy, aren’t you?
Topher:
HEY?! 
Amy:
Oh sweet Jesus, what is happening?
Sadie:
I’m not sure, but somewhere along the way, it segued into Topher: The Miniseries.
Blaineley:
Ahem.
Chef:
ATTENTION MAGGOTS! SILENCE NOW!
Chris:
Thank you, Chef! Now for our twenty-four victims. For your first challenge, you will swim to the platform that features your team logo and whacking sticks of your team color. From there, one member at a time you will duel an opposing team member. A point is earned when you knock the enemy into the water, eliminating them from the challenge. The team with the most points after all twenty-four compete wins. And as a little bonus to look out for…
Jasmine:
A bonus?
Dave:
What could this twist be? Doing it blindfolded?
Shawn:
Shoot each other like a Texan draw.
Chris:
As if the season needs more drama added in, I found away. I’ve brought back the McLean Brand Invincibility Statue and had Chef hide it somewhere on the island. Find it, and you shall be protected from elimination after the vote. However, once it is found and used, it will no longer be in play. Find it and use it wisely.
Alejandro:
The invincibility statue, brings back fond memories. Doesn’t it, mi amour.
Heather:
You haven't been forgiven for stealing it from me before. You never will be.
DJ:
Isn’t this a bit… much for the first challenge?
Anne Maria:
I ain’t touching the water. This spray tan costs more than your life.
Courtney:
Then you’d better hope that you win your battle.
Heather:
Yeah, what kind of leader refuses to compete for their team?
Amy:
Jasmine.
Jasmine:
I was going through something personal at the time, Amy.
Amy:
Yeah, wondering if you can find a twink in the night.
Blaineley:
That sounds like a challenge, doesn’t it, Chris?
Chris:
It absolutely is. Amy vs Jasmine. You are the first battle of the day. Ready your positions.
Amy and Jasmine grab their representative team whacking stick and ready their positions.
Amy:
I’ve been looking forward to this since you helped have me poisoned.
Jasmine:
You got what you deserved for torturing your sister.
Amy:
That is not your place to decide!
Samey:
She’s more of a sister to me than you have ever been!
Amy:
And yet she knows nothing about your true nature. They’ll learn.
Jasmine:
Stop wasting time. We must fight.
Cut to static, then to the confessional blocks.
Shawn:
Jasmine is a professional fighter. The Raccoons will be mopping Amy’s remains off the wood in no time.
Samey:
I know she’s on the other team, but come on Jasmine! Woo-hoo!
Jasmine:
Amy’s a little spitfire, I can’t underestimate her even with my training.
Topher:
Fighting? That’s, like, so bad for my pores! And my pouf will collapse in water!
The confessionals cut to static, then the camera goes back to Amy vs Jasmine.
Amy:
This will be easy!
Amy and Jasmine rush towards each other. Jasmine takes an aggressive swing at Amy, who manages to block it, but the strength of the attack was enough to nearly knock her off the edge. Swiftly turning over, Amy swings at Jasmine’s legs, knocking her down. Samey gasps as her sister has gained the upper hand.
Samey:
NO!
Amy:
Pathetic.
With another swing of her stick, Amy smacks Jasmine off of the platform. A point appears under the Raccoon logo on the scoreboard behind Chris and Blaineley.
Chris: 
And in an impressive showing, Amy beats Jasmine to earn the first point.
Jasmine:
I-I can’t believe it… She… beat me.
Amy:
But are you surprised?
Amy walks back to her team. Thrusting her whacking stick into Samey’s hand, she walked behind her and shoved her forward, volunteering her to go next.
Samey:
What? No!
Eva:
You cheered on the opposing team. You earned your way to the next duel. You should be lucky I can’t take you on myself.
Zoey steps forward for her team, essentially volunteering herself.
Zoey:
If we just learned anything, she is more than capable of what her twin just did. We need someone strong to stop her from getting another point.
Samey:
Uh… I guess I’m going…
Samey and Zoey charge at each other. Samey takes a swing at Zoey, but she manages to duck it. Zoey delivers an uppercut with her stick, knocking Samey off of the platform, scoring a point for her team. As Zoey returns to her team, Anne Maria takes her stick off of her.
Anne Maria:
That’s nothing! If you liked the mediocre show pasty just gave, you’ll love this.
Dawn rushes forward, not even talking a stick. Cut to another confessional block.
Courtney:
Not even grabbing a stick? They must have some kind of death wish.
Anne Maria:
No defenses? Even better. Time to show that I’m a knockout.
Dawn:
I didn’t grab a stick because I’m absolutely certain that I can talk Anne Maria out of this act of aggression by talking her through the wild feeling she has.
Duncan:
Blondie’s gonna die.
The confessionals cut to static and the camera cuts back to Anne Maria and Dawn.
Dawn:
We don’t have to fight, Anne Maria. Your aggression is a front for wanting all of your castmates to take you seriously as competition and hiding your vulnerability so you can seem like you have no flaws. It’s okay to admit that you’re flawed.
Anne Maria:
Oh please, I have no flaws! Can it, witch! Bring it on!
Anne Maria was quick to pummel Dawn. She made quick work of them, knocking them down off the platform, but strangely, Dawn never made contact with the water, seemingly walking on it back to the Raccoon team. Lightning steps forward for his team.
Lightning:
SHA-BORING! It’s the Lightning’s turn!
Anne Maria shoved her stick into Topher’s hands, and shoved him further into the platform to face Lightning. 
Topher:
Look how big and strong he is! He can split me open and make it hurt!
Lightning:
You’re about to get struck by Lightning.
Lightning charged at Topher, who was swift to cover his face with the whacking stick.
Topher:
No, not the face!
Lightning slammed his stick into Topher’s side, knocking him down into the water. He did a bicep flex, kissing it as Topher’s head resurfaced above water, his hair covering his eyes.
Lightning:
SHA-YEAH!
Topher:
Aw, my hair…
Heather:
Whine about it one more time, and I’ll cut it off. Then you can’t cry about it anymore.
Gwen:
And then what? Use it to replace your horse hair extensions?
Topher:
Oh please, she can’t afford human hair wigs, especially as great quality as mine is. She could never.
Heather:
I would never want you nasty, overproduced hair. 
Topher:
And I wouldn’t want your latest nose. You don’t need a doctor, you need a lawyer.
Alejandro:
I wouldn’t speak with your left pec looking so flabby, jovencito.
Topher:
Gasp! 
Heather:
Anyways, since you seem to have an awful lot of opinions but no actions, Gwen. I believe that it’s your turn. 
Gwen:
Wait, no!
Courtney:
Excuse me, I’m running this team. It’s my choice. I choose to send the high horse out next. Get out there.
Courtney aggressively shoves a whacking stick into Gwen’s hands and shoved her further out to the platform. 
Gwen:
Come on, Courtney. Can’t we talk about this?
Courtney:
The time for you to speak is long over. 
Eva steps forward for the Raccoons, grabbing a whacking stick. She’s more than eager to take on Gwen. 
Eva:
I’ve been looking forward to this since season one. If you thought I was a freak before because of my temper, be afraid for what my power is. 
Eva ran towards Gwen and immediately started to pummel her, much to Courtney’s delight, eventually showing her mercy and finally knocking her into the water. She cracked her knuckles to celebrate her victory. She walks back to her team and passes on her stick while conversing with Lightning.
That’s how you do it, Thunder Dolt.
Lightning:
Man, you’re just sha-lucky you didn’t have to face The Lightning.You’d have lost within a weak heartbeat.
Eva:
If all those steroids don’t stop your heart, first. 
Tyler:
Steroids can do WHAT?
Lindsay:
Okay, my turn! Time for everyone to see how cute I look in my new blue bikini!
Zoey:
Can I go again? I’d like to take that lazy lump out.
Courtney:
Absolutely not.
Anne Maria:
As team leader, we don’t need someone disqualified on the first day. Although my hatred for you is more than willing. 
Courtney:
Excuse me, since I’m acting team leader-
Anne Maria:
Can it, piano teeth, I’m leading this team.
While Anne Maria and Courtney fought for superiority, Heather grabbed a whacking stack for her team.
Heather:
I’ve been looking forward to finishing her lobotomy for years.
Lindsay:
Hi, Feather! What does my bobobo have to do? It’s unfinished?
Heather:
Here, let me help you!
Heather smacks Lindsay on the head quite hard enough to have a loud WHACK sound effect.
Lindsay:
Um, OW? That, like, hurt!
Amy:
Oh my god.
Blaineley:
That’s the point, dunce!
Heather groans from another outburst of Lindsay being clueless, and just used the stick to shove her off the platform, earning a point for her team.
Zoey:
It was that easy? I would’ve clobbered her. 
Shawn:
Why not conserve energy for actual threats.
Courtney:
Trust me, you learn to not underestimate Lindsiot.
Zoey:
She literally campaigned to eliminate herself on All-Stars.
Courtney:
I never said that every decision was smart, I said not to underestimate her. 
Shawn:
I guess I’ll go next so you can see what actual work looks like.
Shawn grabs a whacking stick and does a leap, followed by an impressive series of backflips further out onto the platform. Amy looks at her team for someone to send against him. Staring at Rodney, she tries to charm him into going next.
Amy:
Rodney, you’re a tank. With as big and beefy as you are, you should be able to beat nature boy. 
Rodney:
Gee, I don’t know Amy. He’s awfully strong. 
Eva:
Really? You’re massive and are afraid of that string bean?
Amy:
Shawn is surprisingly very strong.
Samey:
He took down an entire army of Chris robots and helped take down Scarlett.
Amy (almost desperate):
Rodney, if you go face Shawn, we can make out for thirty seconds. No tongue.
Rodney (flustered):
Why Amy I- you- we- watermelon! Sunshine! Purple!
Amy:
Rodney, please? You’d be my hero.
Rodney (suddenly valiant):
Aye aye, captain!
Rodney gives Amy a salute and then flexes his biceps as a way to excite her. She gives him lovestruck eyes as he grabs a whacking stick. A quick cut to the confessional shows Amy gagging in disgust. The camera cuts back to Rodney swinging at Shawn, as he ducks the bigger male’s attacks with ease. Shawn then goes and swings at Rodney’s chest, the stick bouncing back off of Rodney’s pecs. Giving a devious grin, Rodney sweeps Shawn with his stick while he stands stupefied, knocking him down. Rodney turned back to Amy to blow her a kiss.
Amy: 
Turn around!
Sadie:
You’re not done, you big oaf!
Taking the hint, he turns back to Shawn, who was catching his breath on the ground after being so shocked by Rodney’s strength. Rodney raises his arms up, readying to slam the stick over Shawn’s head. As he went to swing down, Shawn thrust his stick into Rodney’s stomach, catching him off guard, and then slammed his stick into Rodney’s side, knocking him off the platform and into the water, scoring yet another point for his team. Rodney resurfaced from the water,and swam back to the platform to talk to Amy.
Rodney:
Can I still have that kiss?
Amy:
Did you win?
Rodney:
No, but you said-
Amy:
NO!
Seeing potential to show his strength off to Amy, Scott grabs his team’s whacking stick and rushes out onto the walkway on the platform.
Scott:
Hey! Bossy girl! I, uh, I can do that, too!
Amy:
Screw me sideways with a telephone pole… Get bent.
Brick:
Would you like me to take care of him, commander?
Amy:
Someone better.
Brick:
On it, m’lady!
Brick grabs a whacking stick and rushes out to face Scott. Brick does his best, but Scott easily overpowers him, not even posing an actual threat. Scott turns to Amy, and in following his cousin’s display of trying to win her heart, he does a little flex with his pecs.
Scott:
See, I’m strong enough to protect you.
Amy:
Drop dead.
Anne Maria:
Get back here bumpkin, or you’ll be joining the pant pee-er in the water!
Courtney:
Don’t talk to him like that! Scott, get back here, NOW!
Anne Maria cracks her knuckles, rightly striking fear into Scott, causing him to retreat and rejoin his team. Cut to another confessional block.
Scott:
It’s not that she scares me, it’s that she was the only person to not be afraid of getting aggressive with Jo. I’m terrified of her. 
Anne Maria:
Stinky better be praying we win or he’s leaving in a body bag.
Dave:
I don’t blame Scott for being scared of the orange girl, she could probably break all my bones and fold me like an itchy sweater.
Heather: 
With all the cracks and tension between Anne Maria and Courtney, it won’t be long until they’re both gone and I have the other losers on the team eating out of the palm of my hands. Simple natural order. 
Sadie:
The first challenge isn’t even over, and we are on a losing streak! Amy clearly isn’t cut out for this. She needs to go, right now. I’ll ensure it. 
Cut to Lindsay reading a gossip magazine in the confessional, before it cuts back to the contestants. 
Tyler:
My turn, dudes. I’ll take one for the team.
Eva:
You better make sure it’s a victory, jockstrap. We need it. 
Watching Tyler step up for his team, Duncan steps forward. He has unfinished business with the jock and it’s to be addressed now. 
Duncan:
This is an easy out, I’ll take this. 
Tyler:
Are you ready, bro?
Duncan:
Get ready for the beatdown of a lifetime, jerk. You outed my secrets. 
Tyler:
I’d never cheat on Lindsay like you cheated on that hot girl.
Duncan:
You’re about to get what’s coming to you!
Duncan rushes at Tyler, readying his stick to attack him as Tyler closed his eyes. Blindly pointing his stick out in front of him, Tyler managed to stop Duncan before he could touch him, accidentally slamming his stick into his chest. Not opening his eyes, he walks forward, then accidentally trips, knocking Duncan and himself into the water.
Blaineley:
Who gets the point for that? Both of them? Neither?
Anne Maria:
Obviously we get the point since the clumsy boy took himself out.
Sadie:
No, we get the point because Tyler took the neanderthal out. 
Chris:
What can I say, she makes an excellent point. Point for the Raccoons. 
Alejandro:
Ay dios mío, supongo que debo lograr la victoria yo mismo…
DJ:
I guess I’ll go next. 
Alejandro and DJ grabbed their respective team whacking sticks, and charged at each other. DJ took a few swings at Alejandro, but it was quite clear he was barely making an effort and Alejandro released a yawn defending himself from this “assault.” Rolling his eyes, Alejandro then silently smacked DJ off the platform. 
Sadie:
Oh come on!
Alejandro:
This is really the best challenge you could send me? Embarrassing.
Sadie:
I’ll show you embarrassing!
Courtney:
Not so fast, ape. I’ve been waiting for my revenge for those apples for years! 
Sadie:
After looking like a clown on tv for years, you’d think you’d be over being a disgrace.
Courtney:
A DISGRACE?! Get ready for a beatdown you big, fat bi-
Sadie:
Bring it on!
Courtney and Sadie charge at each other. Neither of them caring enough to try blocking any attacks, they just keep hitting each other. Both of them have been waiting years for this moment, they were going all out on each other. Sadie kept smacking Courtney in the face, Courtney smacking Sadie in the stomach. Sadie managed to create distance between herself and Courtney by using the middle of her stick to push her away. As Courtney rushed again at Sadie, Sadie ducked and slid under her, knocking Courtney down into the water.
Courtney:
NO!
Sadie:
Embarrassed yet?
Heather released a gasp, she’s never seen Sadie actually be useful in a challenge before. This new drive in her leading her to take down a powerful enemy like Courtney should be noted. And manipulated. 
Chris:
That makes eleven pairs. The Vipers are currently up by one point. If the Racoons can win this round, I’ll double the one point and they win.
Blaineley:
Dave. Trent. You are the only two left. Dave, if you can win, you secure a victory for your team. Trent, if you win, you earn two points and win for your team. There are high stakes here, you don’t want to mess this up.
Chef:
THAT MEANS FIGHT, MAGGOTS!
Trent:
Alright already.
Dave:
We heard you!
The two grab their respective whacking sticks for their teams and charge after each other. Trent smacks Dave a few times in the face as Dave struck his chest. After a few minutes, Dave gains the upper hand as he caught Trent by surprise by spinning, smacking Trent into the side, knocking him into the water.
Amy:
NO!
Blaineley:
The Vicious Vipers win the challenge!
Courtney:
What did I lead my team to win?
Anne Maria:
You mean what did I lead my team to win?
Chris:
Vipers, for winning the first challenge, you get to enjoy a twelve pack of fresh hot dogs after the campfire ceremony.
Heather:
What are we supposed to do with a twelve pack of hot dogs?
Topher:
I’ve never had an issue.
Dawn:
All that meat bi-product is a reward?
Scott:
Mmm, meat bi-product.
Chris:
Campers, go rest up. Your second challenge commences in half an hour.
Amy leads the Raccoons back to their cabin, calling for a team meeting. 
=== Act Two: The Cabin ===
Setting: Pahkitew Island, The Cabins, midday.
Amy:
Alright Raccoons, we’ve already lost the first challenge. We don’t get dinner and have to hunt for berries. Dawn, I’m sure that you know the difference between poisonous and edible. You’ll take Samey and forage. 
Trent:
I’m sure it’s not that serious. It’s not like they wouldn’t feed us. 
Rodney:
Amy had to do it for us the last time. 
Samey:
I did the foraging!
Amy:
Oh don’t be such a credit hog.
Lightning:
I’ll just eat my sha-protein.
Heather walks over to the Raccoons, ignoring everyone but Sadie.
Heather:
Sadie! That was an impressive showcase of power today! If you were on my team, you’d be the leader. Someone that strong shouldn’t be subservient to an uptight former bottle blonde with no friends.
Amy:
Excuse you?
Sadie:
You really think I should be a leader?
Heather:
Oh, no doubt. Anyways, I’ve gotta motor. Just something to think about.
Amy:
What’s your damage, Heather?
Heather:
Oh nothing, I just hate seeing talent like that wasted. Clearly it’s rotting away.
As Heather walked away, she was spotted by Jasmine and Zoey
Jasmine:
What were you doing with the other team?
Heather:
Oh, just some gardening. Planting some seeds.
Zoey:
Seeds of doubt, I’m sure.
Heather:
So you are smarter than you look. Nice to know that cheap hair dye you use didn’t eat through your scalp. 
Jasmine:
Now, there’s no need for insults since you were caught. 
Heather:
Insults? Simply stating facts, my dear. It’s amazing how they registered.
Zoey:
What’s so bad about just playing a fair game and letting the best person win? There’s no shame in losing a fair game.
Heather:
This is reality television. There is no fair.
Anne Maria:
And there’s plenty of shame! You look like the failure you are when you get eliminated, and in your case, you don’t have much success to claim.
Jasmine:
What’s the source of tension between you two? It needs to be squashed if we are to ever function as a solid team.
Anne Maria:
Miss White Canada Teen Queen over there stole my boyfriend.
Zoey:
He wasn’t your boyfriend, ever. Vito was, and he doesn’t exist anymore.
Anne Maria:
Don’t you discredit what I had with that man!
Jasmine:
Really? That’s what this is about? Anne Maria, are you this upset that a man picked her over you? All those years ago?
Anne Maria:
Absolutely!
Jasmine:
Do you still want him? Is that what this is?
Anne Maria:
Look at me. Do I look like the type of woman that stays hung up over some gap-toothed, pencil-thin bland freak? I get mine. I am a classy woman, after all.
As if her body called her out on a lie, Anne Maria released a loud BELCH.
Jasmine:
Then what is this about?
Dawn:
It’s about pride. Anne Maria is too afraid that if she is vulnerable and open about her feelings, she won’t be taken seriously if she isn’t at her most guarded, so she let her sadness towards her relationship with Vito ending become unvented frustration towards Zoey for Vito no longer being a present personality for Mike to be able to address the feelings she has, and Zoey technically is with the same man at the same time, as Mike’s alternate personalties all merged into his own and stayed with Zoey instead of Anne Maria. She feels that at this point, if she drops her feud with Zoey, she’ll have admitted that the last few years of her life to dwell on these feelings of sorrow and rage would have been a waste.
Anne Maria:
Oh yeah? We’ll see about that, pasty! Teresa!
Zoey:
It’s Zoey.
Anne Maria:
Whatever! I say we bury the hatchet and learn to work together. If you can’t accept that, then you’re just gonna have to cope. 
Zoey:
Friends?
Anne Maria:
Don’t push it.
After a while, the two teams came together. Most of the guys, as well as Eva, Courtney, Zoey, and Jasmine played a few rounds of volleyball on their respective teams. Tyler attempts to serve, but fails. He punches the ball into his face, and then trips over it as it hit the ground. The ball then bounced up and over the net, and Duncan immediately spiked the ball back over the net, hitting Tyler in the side of the head, knocking him back down. 
Eva:
Come on, Tyler! You call that a serve?
Tyler:
Hey! I’m doing great.
Shawn:
Yeah, for us.
Brick:
Oh, we’ll catch up.
Trent:
Trust me, we’ll be the winners.
Courtney:
Of going home first!
Brick:
But we’ll still dominate in the end!
Rodney:
Get ready for a beatdown!
Lighting:
So prepare to get struck by Lighting!
As Lightning serves the ball, the camera cuts to Topher, Anne Maria, Lindsay, Heather, Amy, Samey, and Sadie relaxing in lawn chairs, tanning in the sun. Topher with binoculars watching the guys play volleyball.
Anne Maria:
What do you keep staring at?
Topher:
Boywatch! Looking at all the hot guys, duh.
Heather:
Haven’t you seen enough?
Topher:
Oh, there’s never enough.
Sadie:
See anyone you’re interested in?
Topher:
Interested in, no. But there are some physical appealing parts, sure. Like, I was NOT expecting Rodney to be so… muscular. His abs are as big as his hands.
Anne Maria:
Oh, for sure. I wasn’t expecting Shawn to be so built under his clothes. The boy looked like he was wearing a tent.
Lindsay:
So what about you, Amy? Scott seems really into you. 
Sadie:
He even gave you a little show today during the challenge.
Samey:
I have to admit, if you get past the smell and gross behaviors, he is really cute.
Amy:
Are you kidding? He’s so gross. If you like him so much, sis, you can have him. You have more in common with him than I do. You’re both annoying, stink, and scheme more than you let on.
Heather:
Are you two ever going to fill us in about what you two hate each other about?
Samey:
I feel like that information should be handled privately between my sister and I.
Amy:
Drop the angel act. Fine, I’ll air it out. Samantha here framed herself as the victim against her evil sister and the world out to get her when she has always been mother's favorite and had everything handed to her. 
Lindsay:
What’s so wrong with that? Daddy always gave me whatever I wanted.
Heather:
So, you’re saying that you feel neglected by a parent and direct those feelings towards the prodigal daughter?
Amy:
That’s not what I’m saying at all, but when I had to start acting out to get any form of attention turned into a burning desire to do more and more and get worse and worse for some form of care and attention, it was for the best.
Samey:
It was never that bad!
Amy:
Oh sure. “Amy, why can’t you be more like your sister? She gets straight A’s. She’s captain of the cheer team. She's the head cheerleader. She's drum major of the marching band! She-”
Samey:
It’s not like I ever asked for us to be compared!
Amy:
But did you ever ask for it to stop? Did you even stop to think about how I felt?
Samey:
N-no… I guess I didn’t.
Amy:
And when you got all those second place ribbons and trophies, did you ever stop and tell mother how I had worked just as hard as you did? Did you do anything to defend me?
Samey:
No, but that’s not an excuse for the horrible ways you started to treat me!
Amy:
So I called you a few names! So I yelled at you! So I kicked and hit you a few times! You stole everything from me! You took away the only person I could ever call mother. You turned all my friends against me. You poisoned me and stole my identity. 
Samey:
Amy-
Amy:
No! You don’t get to control the narrative anymore. You’ve rewrote enough of the book.
Cut to Heather in the confessional.
Heather:
That was almost too easy! Get the sisters fighting, check. Turn teammates against the captain, check. Now to work on Goro, the ugly army guy, Blunderbolt, and the dirty farmer. Plus wherever Lindsay goes, Tyler follows. I can taste the prize money already.
Cut to static.
Amy gets up from laying back in the lawnchair, and stomps off towards her cabin. As she stomped up the stairs, the camera panned to Dave sitting on the stairs, watching Shawn and Jasmine play volleyball with everybody else, while Gwen stood behind him, painting quietly on an easel. Dawn seemingly materializes behind him.
Dawn:
You feel frightened to join in with everyone else.
Dave:
You again? Haven’t you already read my aura, or whatever?
Dawn:
Well, I have, yes. It’s an intriguing case. It seems to shift colors every so often. 
Dave:
If you’re going to give me a lecture, you might as well sit down.
Dawn steps down the stairs and sits beside Dave. She places one hand on his.
Dawn:
Your hand indicates that you feel tense.
Dave:
Wouldn’t you feel tense if your team could lose and send you home with no warning?
Dawn:
I suppose I could understand that, but that’s not exactly why you feel tense. You haven’t seen Shawn in years and now you have a wide range of feelings with seeing him and knowing that your friendship is still firm, but at the same time, there’s some sort of romantic feeling there that you feel jealous of watching him and Jasmine get reacquainted after not interacting, and confronting those sort of feelings without fully exploring them could potentially lead to the implosion of your friendship while earning you an enemy in Jasmine, while still not even being sure if those feelings are to exist, after all.
Dave:
I… guess you could say that, but-
Dawn:
But you still have lingering thoughts about the person you believed to be your first love and you haven’t fully recovered from that pain, but at the same time, you don’t want to confront that pain because while the romantic feelings for them have died out, you’d still like them to come back into your life and you’d like some sort of relationship with them.
Dave:
Sky… Well, is this your long-winded way of telling me of what a disaster I am?
Dawn:
There’s no need to feel like a disaster, David. You’re young and still have a long time to sort out your feelings, identify them, and make proper amends with those you have harmed. It’s never too late to try and clear up the future.
A slight smile forms over Dave’s lips. He appreciates Dawn’s company, but wouldn’t openly admit that. Not that she isn’t able to tell, if she can read his thoughts anyway.
Dave:
Anything else you feel the need to share?
Dawn:
Well, I suggest that you sit down and talk with Shawn.
Dave:
But-
Dawn:
Don’t talk about how you may or may not feel for him. He’s your friend. He’s going through a tough time seeing his girlfriend after having no connection with her. Be there for him.
She seems to vanish into thin air. Dave doesn’t notice at first.
Dave:
Th…anks?
A loud honk came from over the megaphone and a familiar voice spoke after.
Chris:
Attention, campers!
Lindsay:
Good morning, Scoutmaster Lumpus!
Chris:
Return to the beach for your second challenge.
Grunts and groans erupted from both cabins as the contestants walked back to the beach. Instead of the platform that stood in the water before, a large obstacle course has appeared in the water. Chris, Blaineley, and Chef drove by on a fanboat, Chris is his trunks, Blaineley and Chef in bikinis.
=== Act Three - The Beach ===
Setting: Pahkitew Island, once again the Beach, midday
Blaineley:
Welcome back, victims. 
Chris:
For your second challenge, you will select three members from your team and each will be tasked with completing a different section of the course, while dodging attacks from the enemy teammate completing that section of the course. 
Blaineley:
Teams, pick your three representatives and then the challenge will start immediately.
Courtney (authoritative):
Okay, listen up. I’m only going to say this once. I’ll do the first section, Alejandro will do the middle, and Shawn will finish.
Anne Maria:
Oh no, hang on there, Evilene. Somebody that won their battle should be participating in this challenge, you’ll be sitting out. Pasty will be going first.
Courtney:
That is not a peon’s place to decide! I am the captain, my way goes.
Anne Maria:
Your only way is out the door. Don’t let it hit you in the big a-
Gwen:
Guys, can we stop the fighting for five minutes?
Amy:
So, I’m thinking that Lightning, myself, and Eva should do this challenge.
Eva:
While I’m up for attacking the other team, I have to confess that I’m not a great swimmer, I’m a weight trainer woman.
Amy:
Hm, I suppose it’ll be the same for Lightning Bolt to The Head. Trent, you have a swimmers build, would you step up for this?
Lightning:
The Lightning is up for every challenge! He can be a team of one!
Trent:
I’m down. 
Sadie:
Am I not going to be considered?
Eva:
The challenge is swimming, not sinking.
Amy:
DJ? Wanna help me out here?
DJ:
Sure, dude. 
Chris: 
So that’s DJ vs Zoey, Amy vs Alejandro, and Trent vs Shawn. DJ and Zoey, you must swim through treacherous waters with sea mines hidden. If you touch one, you get the blast of a lifetime… GO!
DJ does a graceful dive into the water as he and Zoey jet through their course, trying to avoid land mines. A sense of comradery between them as they make no effort to sabotage the other. The two help each other navigate through the water without setting off any sea mines.
Zoey:
If you are gentle enough, you can feel the sea mines and leap over them. They seem to be painted the color of the water and sand.
DJ:
Thanks, dude. One coming up on your left, look out!
Zoey:
If we stick together through this, there’s no need to play dirty. Just let the best person win!
DJ:
Agreed. It’s an honor competing with you.
Chris:
This is boring! Think of the ratings!
As if he’d suddenly gotten an idea, Chris uses a remote to press a button, causing mines to start detonating. A blast connects with DJ, causing him to rocket forward and land at the finish line.
Up next, Amy vs Alejandro, you two must surf through the waves and ride them back, while sabotaging each other along the way. GO!
Firing a starter pistol, Amy and Alejandro take the surfboards given to them with their team colors, and begin surfing out to the waves. It’s a bit rocky to start, but they get the hang of it. Cutting her board, Amy blasts a line of water at Alejandro, catching him by surprise, knocking him off his board.
Amy:
Sorry, darling!
Alejandro:
You will know defeat.
He is able to recover quickly, but has fallen behind Amy. Upon nearing the finish line, Alejandro tosses a starfish at Amy, attaching to her face. She falls off her board, and Alejandro crosses the finish line first.
Alejandro:
Yo diría que lo siento, pero te merces el fracaso, queriea.
Amy:
Get it off of me!
Amy tries pulling the starfish off her face, but it’s hanging on for dear life. Eva, Rodney, Lindsay, and Brick aid her and finally remove it as Chris moves on. Cut to another confessional block.
Amy (with suction marks on her face):
Another name for the revenge list. Right behind Samey and mother…
Alejandro:
You simply do what must be done in competition. Did it feel good sabotaging her? Absolutely. Would I do it again? Very likely. 
Heather:
If my calculations are correct, with Amy’s failure and the dreams of power I’ve fed to the bear, the Raccoons are in danger of collapsing quickly. Won’t it be a shame?
Dawn:
I must admit, even for Alejandro, that was an assault not only on Amy, but for that poor starfish that was ripped from its environment to be used as a tool for warfare. This selfish behavior towards asteroidea echinoderms cannot stand. Nature does not provide beautiful creatures such as this to be thrown and abused like toys. 
Dawn makes sounds towards the starfish she had brought into the confessional with her and it moves around receptively in her hand. Cut to static and then back to Chris.
Chris:
And this one is for all the marbles. Whoever wins this race wins immunity for their team. Shawn! Trent! You two must complete a two-part obstacle course to win. Swim to the incline and climb the ropes to slide down the other side and leap through the flaming ring, then ring the bell for the win. GO!
To get a leg up, Trent shoves Shawn out of the way, swimming while Shawn gets back on his feet. 
Trent:
Sorry, dude. Every man for himself. 
Jasmine:
Shawn!
Dave:
Are you okay?
Shawn:
Ah! You just made a huge mistake. You’re going down, dude.
Unfortunately for Trent, he struggled to climb the rope, leaving time for Shawn to catch up, blowing his early lead. Shawn effortlessly climbs the rope, however he stops, at the top, watching Trent struggle, but slowly managing to nearly make the top.
Shawn:
An eye for an eye.
Shawn took a pocket knife out of his trunk pocket and cut Trent’s rope, then slid down. Trent, however, managed to grab onto the top and slowly bring himself to the top, sliding down on his face. Shawn leaps through the fire, followed by Trent, once again falling on his face as Shawn rings the bell, claiming victory.
Trent:
NO!
Amy:
You buffoon! We just lost!
Sadie:
It’s your fault, you bleached blonde cow! Your leadership lost!
Chris:
And with a clean sweep, the Vicious Vipers win immunity! Now let’s all head to the campfire ceremony to see the Ravenous Raccoons eliminate not only their teammate but the first out as a whole. The Vipers getting a world class view from the peanut gallery, of course. 
Topher:
Victory tastes so good.
Scott:
And with the hot dogs we won, it’ll taste even better.
Duncan:
Watching someone get eliminated will taste even better yet.
Zoey:
With someone to leave soon, I feel sad to lose a potential friend, but I'm thrilled to move one step closer to the finale.
Lightning:
Sha-like you’ll ever get that far.
=== Act Four - The Campfire Ceremony ===
Setting: Pahkitew Island, the Campsite, nighttime.
Cut to the Raccoons sitting on the logs as the Vipers watch with glee from the peanut gallery. Samey and Sadie glaring at Amy, Amy glaring at Trent, everyone else kind of staring around looking for some kind of tension breaker.
Blaineley:
Raccoons, all twelve of you placed your votes and they have been counted. 
Chef walks up to the podium silently in an evening gown and slams a tray of eleven marshmallows down and then walks away.
Chris:
Behold the first eleven marshmallows, the symbol of safety. If you don’t collect one, you must leave camp at once, to the dock of shame and ride the dreaded boat of losers to whatever godless place you came from. 
Blaineley:
When your name is called, please collect your marshmallow.
Chris:
Eva!
Lightning!
Sadie!
Samey!
DJ!
Lindsay!
Tyler!
Dawn!
Brick!
and Rodney!
A panicked look creeps across Trent’s face while Amy rolls her eyes and crosses her arms, furious.
Amy and Trent. Two people, one marshmallow.
Blaineley:
Amy, you had an impressive run in the first challenge, but saw stars in the second. However, your decisions as leader clearly failed. Did your team give you the benefit of the doubt? Trent, you failed both of your challenges given today. Did they elect to cut abysmal leadership and save you?
Chris:
Amy… Trent…
The last marshmallow goes to…
A long pause of suspenseful music as the camera frequently cuts to Amy and Trent back and forth.
Amy.
Trent, my dude. It’s time to go.
Amy:
Good riddance.
Topher:
Hallelujah.
Sadie:
This is rigged!
Trent:
But-but-but… What? How?
Blaineley:
No buts! Thanks to the increased budget, we can see how everyone voted. 
Chris presses a button on the podium and a screen turns on beside him. Samey votes for Amy. Trent votes for Amy. Eva votes for Trent. Rodney votes for Trent. Sadie votes for Amy. Lindsay votes for Trent. Tyler votes for Trent. DJ votes for Trent. Lightning votes for Amy. Dawn votes for Trent. Brick votes for Amy. Amy votes for Trent. Five votes for Amy, Seven votes for Trent. Duncan gives a good chuckle while Topher is giddy with excitement. Amy and Eva fistbump to congratulate Amy’s safety. 
Chris:
And there you have it.
Trent (defeated):
So, I guess that’s it then. I guess I have to go.
Amy:
So long.
Duncan:
Sayonara, dude.
Shawn:
You get what you deserve!
Gwen:
Bye, Trent…
Heather:
Sorry Trent, it looks like failure is forgivable. It shouldn’t have been you.
Samey:
It shouldn’t have.
Trent shuffles down the walk of shame slowly and sadly, as he boards the boat of losers after packing up his bags. Chef drives the boat away across the horizon.
Scott:
Okay, I’m so ready for those hot dogs now.
Gwen:
I hate to agree, but I’m feeling so hungry right now.
Courtney:
Scott, you can eat mine. I don’t let garbage like that enter my body.
Heather:
You literally helped Alejandro cheat and ate actual garbage for him.
Alejandro:
And the effort was very much appreciated. 
Zoey:
And you ate bird vomit to try and save yourself from elimination.
Courtney:
That’s different, that was for competition. I had to. 
Scott:
Either way, thanks babe.
Duncan:
Babe, huh? The sparks are flying over here. 
Courtney:
No, not again. 
Anne Maria:
Respect. Woman to woman, we must stand together. A man was an ex for a reason, you don’t take that back.
Duncan:
Speak for yourself. When you need it, you need it. 
Gwen:
You are absolutely disgusting. 
Duncan:
And you love it, baby.
Gwen:
Like a deadly infection.
Duncan (teasing):
Love to love you, baby.
Gwen:
Choke.
The camera cuts to static and then to Chris and Blaineley standing on the dock at nighttime. 
Blaineley:
One down, twenty-three to go. 
Chris:
Will Anne Maria and Courtney come to an agreement?
Will Amy regain the trust of her team?
Will Heather’s manipulation get anywhere?
Find out next time i’m TOTAL
DRAMA
RESURRECTION!
Cut to Amy in the confessional.
Amy:
Today was… a struggle, but I’ve never once backed down from a challenge. I have five obstacles in my way on my team. I have to find a way to take out Jasmine, Heather, and Alejandro from the other team. Mark my words, this is going to be a bloodbath.
The screen cuts to static and then fades away to black.
== Trivia ==
=== Part One ===
* Similar to RuPaul's Drag Race, every contestant is given an entrance line upon their arrival.
* The entrance order is:
*#Lindsay and Tyler together
*#Topher
*#Scott
*#Samey
*#Zoey
*#Anne Maria
*#Shawn
*#Trent
*#Sadie
*#Courtney
*#Duncan
*#Lightning
*#Eva
*#Dawn
*#Dave
*#Gwen
*#Alejandro and Heather together
*#Jasmine
*#Rodney
*#Brick
*#DJ
*# and Amy
*Gwen is referred to by many different gothic icons in the episode. Wednesday Addams from The Addams Family, The Grim Reaper, and Magenta from The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
* The first part of the episode establishes Rodney and Scott as cousins, Lindsay and Tyler as married, Jasmine and Shawn as estranged, and Topher and Trent as either exes or a hookup.
*Dawn confirms that Dakota has been cured of her mutation but is unsure of Ezekiel's status.
*Katie, Noah, and Sky are confirmed in Part One to have rejected the invitation to return. However, Gwen states that the new contract she signed for All-Stars in 2013 still legally forced her to return. Shawn also states that he was given the choice to return.
* Before even setting foot on Pahkitew Island, Courtney sues in order to have inhabitable living environments built, and Chris reveals that Chef had paid for them.
*Topher frequently quotes from Drag Race queens, especially Mo Heart.
*Anne Maria makes a reference to the show The Parkers when she greets Zoey upon her arrival.
*Shawn clarifies that he is bi, and Dawn suggests that Dave has been secretly hiding romantic feelings for him.
* Part One heavily features Topher, and even jokes about it during Chris' sign off at the end of the episode. This is due to the writer's belief that he is the easiest to write for and is very entertaining as a "central" character.
* The episode’s title is said by Jasmine upon her arrival.
=== Part Two ===
* The McLean Brand Invincibility Statue return for the third time. It has appeared every time Scott competes.
* "Boywatch" is a parody of Baywatch.
* This is the first episode to feature confessionals.
* Scott references Anne Maria and her frequent clashes with Jo.
* Duncan and Tyler fight over Tyler's exposing of Duncan's cheating on Courtney with Gwen.
* Due to reception from the first episode, Topher's screen time is greatly cut back this episode.
* Amy asks Dawn to help identify edible berries and to take Samey with her.
* Amy gives a quote from the 1989 black comedy Heathers in an interaction with Heather.
* Amy and Samey's turbulent relationship's backstory starts to show in this episode.
* Amy confirms that Samey is head cheerleader, cheer captain, and drum major of the marching band.
* With Trent's elimination, he is the only contestant to ever place 24th.