O Brother, What the Fuck

==Season Ten, Episode Three==
Preceded by: Season Ten, Episode Two
Followed by: Season Ten, Episode Four: Emet-ic Mutation
Introducing:
*Aether
==Summary==
::0330 Thursday, November 13th, 1443 to 0615 Friday, November 15, 1443
::Sending to Ethan Dragonslayer: I have a brother on my side or at least not against me. Picked up drow rogue. Almost blew up bar. Head still hurts though.
: It's the wee hours of the morning when the crew of the JKIII gather together to plan their next route. No one is fatigued, despite their lack of sleep; Zaphodel and Cicero manage to prepare spells, Leilah fails and tires herself, and Ashra doesn't risk it. Zaphodel pumps Make Wholes into the ship, patching it together somewhat.
: Eleven lays out the three routes available to the party. No matter what the party does, the next twelve hours will be devoted to getting out of the pass. After that, there are three different routes to Bisau. The first would take ten hours, but require going through a 20,000 foot mountain with its own god. That sounds like a bad plan. The second would take twelve hours, but would ruin the engines, stranding the JKIII for weeks that Leilah and her mother cannot afford. The third will take a full twenty-four hours and bring them through Nyasa's Reach, but it'll get them there in the nick of time and with a functioning ship.
: Ashra makes clear to the party how much danger she's in if the Nyasans discover her. She's worse than a criminal; to them she is not even a person. Leilah consults her mother and learns that her mother's existence is in danger within the next month. The second route wouldn't let the party get to her in time. Travelling through Nyasa's Reach is a big risk, but one everyone agrees they'll have to take; they set off sailing.
: While they're still sailing out of the pass, Kruglor looks out and sees a strange artificial well directly below the ship. It's large enough to fly the entire ship through. The center is marble, and there are stones set around it in a circle. He tells Ashra, who looks at it in her spyglass and sees that there are dwarven runes on the ring of stones. She reads "Venture forth no further, aboleths live here."
: Ashra gets very excited and reminds Leilah that Mind's Touch was also supposed to be an aboleth city. Leilah says that she remembers that. Ashra explains in more general terms to the rest of the party that this is kind of like the description of a place she really wants to go ... but they don't have time right now.
: She takes out The Map, which springs to life and asks if everyone has heard the good news. After a few minutes it is coaxed to reveal that there's probably an aboleth city right here, and that aboleths are a great danger to the party even from this distance because they can attack by hurling things with their psionics. Ashra has the Map remember this location, and the JKIII moves on.
: Some time later, Ashra notices a woman running some seven miles behind the ship, but keeping pace with it. She checks in her spyglass and sees that the woman is slender, dark-haired and pale, wearing black clothing (a shirt, tight pants, and boots) as well as a blue necklace. She's at a hard run, but keeping up with the supercharged boat, and in a few minutes Ashra watches her make a 40 foot leap. Yes, from seven miles away.
: When Leilah hears this information, she says that the woman is likely a monk, and was in her dreams.
: A short discussion of the lulzy potential for Magic Missileing her from the ship ensues, but Ashra decides that attacking someone with potentially lethal force missiles isn't worth it just because it's funny. The ship sails on.
: Given the weird things that have been happening, Ashra scans the ship with Detect Thoughts and finds that the Hand of Vecna now detects as conscious. While Fab Dick is in his trance, everyone else goes to examine the hand. It's carved two new symbols; one collection of elliptical shapes and another which is a pair of mountain-like peaks. Everyone takes a look at them, and Eleven copies them down, but no one can figure their significance out just yet. Ashra asks if anyone else sees a similarity to her recreation of the vague symbol that was in Jackil the Jackal's mind when she read it, and gets a reassuring "no" in response.
: Soon the party reaches Nyasa's Reach; in anticipation of the port authorities, the party works out disguises between them. Leilah will be herself. Zaphodel will be Leilah's handmaiden. Ashra, who will go by "Asher" as an explicitly masculine (and conventional) form of her name, will be Leilah's cousin and chaperone. Cicero will be Ashra's retainer. Eleven will be Leilah's toy. Kruglor will be Leilah's wise tutor. Fab Dick will be Leilah and Ashra's private tailor. Disguises set, they sail in. Unfortunately, they spend no time on actually figuring out a cohesive story, confidant that their roles will give them the appropriate cues.
: They are met by two men in plate armor and given orders to dock. Ashra has Snugglesworth obey those orders, and Eleven lowers the plank for the two men.
: Ashra quickly remembers the reason behind certain unflattering appraisals on Ethan's part of her bluffing ability. She has a hard time keeping her story straight, alternatly calls Eleven a perice of cargo or a passenger, and refers to Leilah as her cousin and sister at different times. (Hey, hive siblings are hive siblings.) She has Cicero bring the crew manifest to the two guards, who question the party's involvement with Vishnu. Ashra tells him that it's a Northern Continent name, and they all sound the same. Leilah facepalms and attemps to intervene, does a little better at distracting them, and tries her best to cover for Ashra by explaining that she had chartered the ship for an adventuring pleasure cruise in central Nyasa and that Vishnu is merely some one who helped finance the ship. Someone who suffers under an often mistaken name.
: When the guards ask to inspect the interior of the ship, the entire party realizes that they have an altar to an evil (in life) undead in their main lounge. Ashra and Leilah facepalm yet again over not buying a completly innocuous set of excercise equipment to replace the meth lab and the shrine draped with dragon gibblets for when they have company. While Leilah and Ashra distract the guards, Fab Dick is running around below decks disguising the more unsavory elements of the Altar of the Dragonslayer. They come down to look around and Ashra quickly explains that this is an altar to Cuthbert in one of his dragonslaying aspects. They believe it, but are suspicious anyway because Ashra and Leilah are ostensibly connected to Anahita, not Cuthbert. Leilah mutters about paying their respects to the Nyasan pantheon in all it's forms.
: The guards go over to Kruglor and say they assume he's Leilah's teacher, based on his teacher's robe. "The stars are brightest when there is no moon," he replies. He continues to speak in cryptic phrases, and is the most convincing part of the party's entire story. His Mind Blank unfortunately blocks the party's loud telepathic congratulations.
: The guards tell the party that they're going to send someone in ten minutes to check again; just routine, because their stories are fairly suspicious. They leave.
: There is now a barrel on the ship where there was no barrel a few minutes ago, but it's ignored at first as Fab Dick reads out Rope Trick from Ashra's spellbook and Eleven hides most of the altar, all the drugs, the box with the Hand, and the boxed up meth lab inside it under the direction of Leilah. A quick discussion reveals that this sort of thing is never good. That cleared up, Ashra goes over and taps on the barrel a couple of times, listening carefully.
: The barrel taps back.
: "Kytia? How long have you been in there?"
: "I'm not Kytia."
: "Would you like to get out of the barrel?"
: "Yes."
: Eleven asks if she should shake the barrel and is told that that kills people. He settles for prying off the top of the barrel, allowing an agile drow woman with twin swords to climb out of it. She had appeared in one of Leilah's dreams.
: The drow insists that she has vital information, but only for a price. When asked what price, she explains that she wants to travel with the party for as long as possible. Ashra asks her political loyalty: Bisau. She's been there recently, yes. When asked if she loves her mother, she replies that she never knew her mother.
: Well, it's not the most conventional way of getting a party member, but information is information and they're running out of time. Ashra extends a hand. "Welcome to Bona Fortuna. Don't fuck up."
: The drow gives them her vital information: those men were not guards. They were robbers, probably coming back to rob the ship any minute. Cicero settles into the shadows with his crossbow, and Ashra gets ready to lure the robbers down to where the party can jump them.
: The new searcher arrives. He's a formal-looking man, with a large shining symbol of Cuthbert on his chest and purple vengeance magic on many of his items. A quick mental consultation between the wizards and cleric arrives at the conclusion that vengeance magic would probably damage anyone who harmed him. He definitely looks like an Inquisitor.
: He demands to come aboard. Ashra asks for his identification, and he displays the symbol of Cuthbert. Leilah confirms that he'd have to have been given it by the order of Cuthbert (or stolen it off a dead Inquisitor), so it does count as identification. Eleven lowers the plank.
: He comes aboard and explains that there is heightened security following a series of mindflayer raids. He goes through the list of the party's bluff failures: Cicero, as the finance officer, should not have had access to the crew manifest, Leilah and Ashra couldn't get their family relationship clear, etc. Despite the descriptions of Inquisitors' powers, he looks straight at Ashra and does not appear to shit bricks or reach for an extraplanar banishment; she is both relieved and curious.
: He goes below decks. Fab Dick doesn't hear him until he taps forcefully on his shoulder. He seems amused and detached. He goes down to the hold, takes out a magic eye, and rolls it down the hatch, scanning with it.
: He goes over to Kruglor and comments on the Dimension Die, then asks for it. The party holds their collective breath. Kruglor hands it over. He examines it, bangs on Eleven with it, then hands it back.
: He goes over to Leilah and tells her to remove her tacitus; she does so, and he studies her face for a minute or two.
: He comes back up to the deck and demands that they lower the plank. Ashra has realized he's not a real Inquisitor: he should have been able to see through Leilah's tacitus. She tells Eleven telepathically not to lower it, and Eleven starts dancing.
: Ashra tells the inquisitor that it's very curious that an inquisitor wouldn't be able to see through her cousin's tacitus. She says she'd like to know why. He says he's sure she would. When Eleven continues to dance and won't lower the plank, he proposes a trade of information: why she's here for why he's here.
: Ashra cautiously says "I'm looking for my mother."
: "She's long gone."
: Leilah suggests "Gone to ruin?" and is summarily ignored.
: Ashra insists he tell her why he's there; fair is fair. He leans over and whispers to her.
: Ashra's eyes go wide and she roars at Eleven to lower the goddamn plank now. She does so, and he stalks off across it as Ashra stares after him. He turns and blows up the plank with a gesture, then is gone.
: Once the party is assured of some privacy, a shaking Ashra recounts what he said to her: "I'm here to make sure you get where you're going, Ashra."
: He knows who and what she is, and what she's doing, and is on her side. More than that; once she's no longer trying desperately to pretend to be an aasimar, she realizes something else about his behavior. The calm, vaguely pompous demeanor; the superiority to and mild interest in her party members -- except for Zaphodel, whom he ignored, and Ashra, who he did not try to mess with; the vaguely dickish way of doing everything; and more than anything else, the insistence on a trade for information, the most valuable thing there is...
: "I think he was my brother."
: He could not have been Grax or Xoth or Fauxdin; all three of them have reason to hate Ashra with a passion and would not have endorsed her mission. Grax would not be so far from his armies now, in any case, nor likely would Xoth, and Fauxdin was rather too much of a chaotic douchebag to successfully infiltrate the Inquisitors. But Leilah had been associating illithids with the number "five", and this guy was probably the fifth. That would also make him the first illithid they've met who wasn't actively opposing Ashra. Hell, he's working to help her. Ashra is caught between incredible happiness at having finally met a sibling of hers on her own side and wounded pride from being seen in disguise, with her intelligence damaged by Altitude Sickness, talking to thralls as equals and avoiding any mention of her people.
::Due to IRL time constraints, what follows is not canon.
: But there's a more pressing concern as Snugglesworth tries to rev up the ship and finds that the goddamn supercharger is missing. Ashra's brother may be helping out, but he didn't stop the thieves from making off with it... somehow. Fab Dick scries for it and finds that it's in one of two houses in downtown Nyasa's Reach. One is the Golden Dragon Inn ("If I blow that up, does it count as two devotions?" "YES.") and the other is a residence. Snake gives the briefing and the party scopes out the location beforehand. The inn and the house have planks leading to their roofs; there is also a fruit stand with a nearby building. A swift river divides the Golden Dragon from the house and fruit stand; there is one rickety bridge spanning it. An armored cart with guards is parked near the fruit stand. A single normal ship, the Fair Ocean, and Coriander's flying skiff are docked.
: After a discussion of tactics and some trading buff spells, the JKIII moves in. Eleven ziplines down, draws a pistol, and shoots a civilian in the face. Fab Dick flies away, as does the drow girl, who has consented to be called Aether. Zaphodel casts Prayer, accidentally catching Cicero, who resents the buff. Everyone drops down except for Cicero, who keeps overhead watch in the Jade Kracken.
: The cart carries two guards and a very pimp gnome, who immediately lashes the horses and starts fleeing. When he starts drinking a potion of some sort, Cicero fireballs him as the cart crosses the bridge. The cart spills over the side of the bridge. Its riders jump off and start fleeing as the ghost shells it was carrying spill into the river and detonate.
: Eleven runs up the stairs on top of the building by the fruit stand, then jumps across the roof and lands next to one of the criminals. Said criminal takes out a greatsword and the two start hacking at each other.
: Ghosts possess Aether and Fab Dick; Aether's ghost has her run around shanking people, while Fab Dick's has him cast Chain Lightning at a few nearby mooks.
: Leilah makes her way over to the building by the fruit stand and presses against the wall, planning on charging the house that Eleven in currently on top of and searching for the supercharger.
: Cicero makes it to the skiff and, lucky as he is, barely manages to crack it open the engine compartment, but stops at that point so he doesn't accidentally brick it.
: Kruglor runs after Leilah to join the house raiding party. He tries to bone Eleven's assailants, but fails before finally distracting one of them.
: A ballista rises up through the center of the Golden Dragon and fires on the JKIII.
: Cicero runs over to Aether's ghost and asks it to let her free as he let it free. Surprisingly, the ghost buys it, and lets her go. Fab Dick forces his out of himself through force of will.
: The two other greatsword wielders descend on Eleven, surrounding her; Eleven takes several heavy blows and returns fewer, and there is no easy way for Leilah or Kruglor to rescue her as Eleven's hitpoints drops perilously low. Ashra runs up the steps and casts a Negative Energy Ball over the group, neatly cutting out the area around Eleven. One of the barbarians dies, falling off the building. Eleven chops through the other two. Another caster asks Ashra what she's doing, attacking people who were trying to take out a murderer. Ashra explains that's not her concern, and the man fires an Acid Bolt at her. Oh, Archmage bitchfight? It's on...
: ... or it would be, had a ghost not possessed Snugglesworth. Snuggles calls down an airstrike on the buildings where Ashra, Eleven, and their foes stand. The party dodges, but the enemy archmage is blown away.
: Leilah runs into the house and looks around for the supercharger, but doesn't see it. Ashra looks over at the inn for the supercharger, but can't see it through the windows. She tells Snake telepathically not to take orders from Snuggles, then calls down an airstrike on the ballista. "Wait, are we supposed to trust you?" "Yes!" "How do I know?" "Would a ghost be this much of a dick to you?" "Point." The ballista isn't destroyed, but it's heavily damaged.
: The party doesn't yet know where the supercharger is. Snuggles is still possessed by the ghost, and no one has managed to get into the Golden Dragon yet...
::The battle ended here, and was retconned out of the official storyline.
Category: Episodes Category: Season Ten Episodes