Violet's Journal

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== Journal of Violet Park ==
The following exists physically in a notebook kept in Violet's room. Excerpts are regularly shared with Dr. Irene Harrison for therapeutic purposes. 
== Chargen ==
S4.4: 8/10/2020.2 - "Chargen"
 S4.5: 8/10/2020.2 - "Chargen"
8/14/20
I don't...
This is stupid.
I don't.
Fuck.
Why is it so hard to write this stuff down?
Doctor Harrison says it's therapeutic to put my experiences on paper, so I can understand them better. I don't know how that's supposed to make anything any b
I agreed to try, so I'm trying.
Lachesis came to my cell. She'd planned this whole thing out, said she was doing it for my benefit, giving me a choice, but I turned her down. I didn't know what to think, what to do-- she was is, still very important to me. But I was still a puppet. I was a good little 
It was the first time somebody called me 'Violet' in over a year.
[There is an extended section here that is scribbled out and illegible]
I'm not ready to talk about what that was like, I don't know how.
So, we fought. I'm better at fighting, I was made for fighting. She was made for planning.
That was where Big Team came in. A-Vis, Jason and Fridr; real heroes. I understand they were operating in connection with AEGIS, but without them it would have failed.
Lachesis seen it. It was obvious. She said she only had a little time free from control, but she chose her moment and waited until then to hit me with a command sequence that... deactivated my programming? It did something that fucked with my head overrode the Circle's programming, and I just stood there trying to make sense of suddenly being me again, whoever 'me' is now.
I was dazed -- am still dazed-- from what Lachesis said to me. Wasn't able to focus properly. Wasn't there, in my head. I'm still not [Illegible]
Is she still with them? Did she escape? Does she need me to rescue her, the way she rescued me?
The Cicle hired Dez to provide extra security. I suppose to keep Lachesis and me from escaping. I don't understand why they thought she was even close to up to the task; feel kind of insulted? But in the state I was in- I think maybe Fridr saved my life?
Either way, I owe my freedom to the Big Team.
And to Lachesis.
8/18/2020
Feeling a little more coherent, today.
It's been a couple days since moving into the base.
Had a chance to talk to Jason for a bit. About Ike and his doom. Made it easier to open up about what the Circle made me do.
Helped me feel like I'm not the only one who's hurting here. Feeling confused and hurt and angry all the time. Like I'm not alone?
I don't know.
Mr. Smoke says we're going on a Big Team mission tomorrow.
I'm not sure I'm ready.
== Summer Breaks All Things==
S5.3 8/22/2020 - "Summer Breaks All Things"
8/14/20
We saved some people today. I don't entirely understand how.
Mr. Smoke decided we were going head to the beach to investigate some disappearances and punch an escaped lizard-man. Also met teammates. Red Wolf introduced me to something called B-Blade. She seems amazing! Cadenza likes stupid musicals. Reminds me a little of who I used to be? And Shade, of course, seems like a wise and mature leader.
Someone was playing violin. Amy Beach's violin sonata; I should have appreciated the pun.
Instead, I nearly lost it, completely. I don't know how I'm supposed to do any of this when I can barely keep it together through five minutes of chamber music that didn't even have the piano accompaniment. The idea that I have any place pretending to be a superhero right now seems like some kind of joke. [Illegible scribbling]
Don't see an alternative.
There was a lady covered in blue runes (Agent Perseus; I didn't catch what agency?) and then Cadenza screamed at the water and Red Wolf grabbed a glowing wrench and then we were in a dark, spirit-plagued future.
It was weird, I felt like I could almost read those things, like it's... locked away in here somewhere? There's so much stuff rattling around in my brain, I don't understand half of what they wrote into me.
Shade hugged some old lady I didn't recognize, and then flirted with this other girl who was here from our time-- Gorgon, I think her name was. Red Wolf talked to some kind of dog-spirit that protected people in the shadows, and found the people who had disappeared from our time.
There was a brief fight with Teal Talon and an accomplice, who were using the wrench to power some kind of machine. It wasn't much, but.... is it wrong to admit that the fighting felt good? Like I...
[Illegible scribbles]
We saved some people today, and that's what matters.
 S4.5: 8/10/2020.2 - "Chargen"
== Wandering Hart==
S5.27 9/17/2020 - "Wandering Hart"
9/18/2020
She's alive.
Lachesis is alive, and she's still with the Crimson Circle.
I should back up. There was some kind of plant-based disturbance at the Community Center, I helped rescue a mole-girl. Verve's family was in danger there too, and she got them out got out OK. The anomalous vine growth seemed to be connected to Overgrowth in some way. We tracked it to the forest down by the docks, and that blasted fox made a deal-- sent us to chase after a white hart out of some kind of storybook that was causing this forest to spill out of legend and into our world. Eventually, when we found it, Overgrowth was able to bind the forest into place, for the time being, with a single route in and out. But when we were chasing the Hart...
We entered a clearing and there she was.
My sister is alive, and she didn't make it out. 
She's still working for the Circle, still trapped in that hell.
Verve scoffed at her posing a threat. I didn't have time to explain, asking Nat to deafen me. If she's with the Circle, i need to protect against her using command codes against me. Lachesis freed me from conditioning last time, but I don't know how much I trust her, especially when she may not be free herself.
With all of us deafened, I wasn't able to communicate the seriousness of the situation. Overgrowth and Verve ran after the hart. I understand it, but in the moment I felt almost abandoned. Nat overloaded on her powers trying to project a shield. Went down without taking a shot, as Lachesis had foreseen. I wish I'd had a chance to warn them.
I chased after her, and we fought. it went about as expected. I'm a better fighter by a wide margin-- the 'physical module.' Winning those kinds of fights is what I do. Then Verve returned and Lachesis positioned herself so I'd be blindsided in the back by my own teammate. Which left Verve barely able to function as she tried to keep me in one piece and deal with what happened. Which....is what she does.
Two of us unconscious, one functionally neutralized, without landing a single blow.
I don't know what happened next. Overgrowth reports that he easily overpowered her with vines, no trouble at all. I have no reason to believe he's lying, but neither do I fully trust his perception of events. 
None of this adds up. 
It all raises the question: Why was she really there?
She didn't achieve her nominal objective in capturing the Hart. She's not.... totally infallible, but the way she went down was too easy. The whole scenario was way too easy-- she didn't seem to have a plan at all. Resources, reinforcements, traps, a cutting psychological edge. 
He had her and then just walked away. That part tracks with her foresight.
It's conceivable the Circle's resources are compromised in my absence and they're pushing her into roles I was designed to fill. But to deploy her against a full team squad without backup or controlled conditions and have her fold so close to her goal? And by coincidence the team she encounters is the one I'm on?
Trusting to 'coincidence' given her abilities seems beyond naive. She doesn't do things without plans. Those wheels in her head, all the strings she sees, twelve, thirty, a thousand steps in advance. Was she sending a message? Setting some scheme into motion in the future? Is there any way to be sure?
Melody said she'd talk to Old Jackal about tracking her down. We need to make that a priority. I hope the team will understand how important this is, not just to me. 
Postscript:
I'm no longer entirely sure that she did free me from conditioning, or if she just... decided on a different set, a different mode of being for me. She might have been constrained by the available set of programming. 
I fear I may still be someone's weapon. But instead of the Circle's blade, am I now Lachesis' arrow, flying through the world to find some distant target?
Post-Postscript:
Nat and Atlanta invited me to go sing karaoke. I passed. 
I miss being able to make music.
Category:Weaver
Category:Violet
Category:Journals