The Case of the HGM Mark 5

==Opening remarks==
*(moving train fx)
*Phillips: Gosh! How clever of British Rail.
*Murray: What is, Mr Phillips?
*Phillips: Well, they way they've found a path in between the telegraph poles on that side and the trees on this side so they could put their track down.
*Murray: Positively brilliant.
*Phillips: I'm glad you both agree. They do say that if you can move your eyes from left to right quickly enough to count the telegraph poles flashing by you can tell the speed the train is going. Give or take a pole.
*Murray: Then why don't you keep on counting them and shut up?
*Povey: And what happens if there aren't any telegraph poles flashing by for you or the driver to count?
*Phillips: Oh, that's obvious. The train has stopped.
*Murray: Captain Povey, how much longer before this train reaches Waterloo?
*Povey: Oh, another 58 minutes.
*Murray: That's it. It...it it's too long. The idiot doesn't seem to realise that all our careers are at stake. And all due to him!
*Phillips: Alright then, alright. Just you tell me why, come on. Why?
*Murray and Povey: Your navigation!
*Phillips: Well it's easy for you to talk. Its not so easy out there at sea where there aren't any lampposts or telegraph poles to tell you how fast the ship is going.
*Murray: I think his last little epic was the cause of our train journey and presumably our dismissal from the service, Sir.
*Povey: Oh, you mean the saga of the Admiral's barge.
*Phillips: But that was his fault, um, I docked perfectly. How was Loveable Leslie to know that the Admiral had thoughtlessly left his little boat tied up in our berth before I parked?
*Murray: I'll never forget how the Admiral cried as he watched all that driftwood that was once his launch floating away down the harbour and out into The Solent.
*Povey: What piled agony upon agony was the fact that the Admiral's best uniform was in it.
*Phillips: I saved that. With a boat hook. Ha, ha. Didn't I?
*Murray: Oh, yes, you did that alright. And after it'd been dried out in the boiler room, I remember the admiral remarking that the only blasted sailor his suit would ever fit again was Donald Duck!
*Povey: Yes, Mr Phillips, thanks to you we'll all be in Civvy Street after our interview with the Admiral of the fleet Sir Hamish Percival-Percival.
Category:Episodes
Category:Season 15