Oh God Oh Frick

Oh God Oh Frick is an episode of The Amazing World of Squidward. In this episode, the characters in the faster than normal, enormous, black, and overall very cool-looking flying vehicle and those in New Kelp City head on to the same mission: finding Squidward and making him pay for what he did.
==Characters==
* Old Man Jenkins
* Hoopla
* Squidward Jr.
* Patrick
* Gary
* Floyd
* Lloyd
* French Narrator
* Police officer
* Bubble Bass
* Dennis
* SpongeBob
* Squilvia
* Fred
* Anchovy
* Shubie
* Con man
==Transcript==
[The episode starts with the faster than normal, enormous, black, and overall very cool-looking flying vehicle flying. It cuts to inside the vehicle, where Old Man Jenkins is piloting it and Hoopla, Junior, Patrick, Gary, Floyd, and Lloyd are seated]
Lloyd: Ah, it sure is nice to *COUGH* relax a bit.
Floyd: Yeah, the last few days have been *COUGH* very stressful!
Hoopla: You guys do realize we are going to *COUGH*  commit murder right?
Lloyd: I feel like I’m sitting on something…..*COUGH*,,,,,,[he grabs a remote and some headphones from under his butt] Woah! [he puts on the headphones and clicks a button on the remote, turning a screen that is in the back of the seat in front of him on, which shows various movie posters]
Floyd: Woah, is that The Hash-Slinging Slasher? That movie that *COUGH* scared everyone?
Lloyd: Yes it is, and I’m gonna *COUGH* watch it! [he clicks a different button on the remote, which causes the screen in front of him to explode]
[Cut to the seat which had that screen on its back, where Patrick is]
Patrick: AARGH! WHAT WAS *COUGH* THAT?!
Gary: Meow.
Patrick: Oh, I hate flying!
Gary: Meow *COUGH* meow.
Patrick: Food? You think there’s *COUGH* food? Mmmmmh……
[Cut to Hoopla and Junior]
Hoopla: *sigh* Floyd and Lloyd, what idiots! I can’t wait to *COUGH* kill your father, then I can never talk to them again!
Junior: Aren’t you worried they’ll hear *COUGH* that?
Hoopla: [points to Floyd and Lloyd fighting each other]
Junior: Fair enough. So, huh, we’re going to *COUGH* kill my father.
Hoopla: That’s the plan.
Junior: Are we going to hit him with this vehicle or *COUGH* something?
Hoopla: That’s…….*COUGH*........something we haven’t planned. But I suppose we could just get off this vehicle and shoot Squidward. Or we could land the vehicle right behind him, and as he runs away, run after *COUGH* him, until we eventually run him over and run him over again repeatedly until his *COUGH* body is in a puddle of blood…….
Junior: What the [dolphin noise]?!
Hoopla: Eh, we’ll just let Old Man Jenkins kill him like he did to those *COUGH* government people.
Junior: My entire life has just been violence after *COUGH* violence…….
French Narrator: And CartoonGuy intends to keep it that way.
[Cut to Old Man Jenkins piloting, as Patrick comes out of a door near him with a tower of food in his hands]
Patrick: Food! [he closes the door with one of his feet, runs to his seat, and starts eating]
Gary: Meow.
Patrick: Oh right, my seatbelt! But I can’t reach it with all this *COUGH* food! Eh, I’ll put it on later.
Old Man Jenkins: [is visibly tired] Ugh………*COUGH*........[he closes his eyes and collapses on his pilot seat]
[The others on the vehicle hold on to their seatbelts except Patrick, who flies off the seat and hits the door near Old Man Jenkins along with his food]
Patrick: AAAAARGH! THE FOOD WAS MY *COUGH* DOWNFA-[a watermelon falls in his mouth]
Lloyd: WE’RE GONNA DIE!
Floyd: IT’S BEEN MILDLY AMUSING *COUGH* KNOWING YOU!
Lloyd: WHAT DOES THAT *COUGH* MEAN?!
Floyd: I DON’T KNOW!
Hoopla: I NEEDED TO WRITE A MOVIE ABOUT MY *COUGH*  SUPERB BEACH!
Junior: I NEEDED TO FIX MY *COUGH* PARENTS’ MISTAKES!
Gary: MMMMEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWW! *COUGH*
Patrick: [spits out the watermelon, which breaks into the various buttons of the vehicle, activating the autopilot and making US flags fall out of the roof of the vehicle] HUH?! AUTOPILOT?! WE’RE *COUGH* ALIVE!
[Everyone cheers happily]
Hoopla: HOOPLA! The *COUGH* movie’s getting made, Squidward is gonna die!
Gary: Meow meow meow meow meow *COUGH* meow!
Hoopla: What’s up with the *COUGH* American flags?
Junior: Ugh, right *COUGH* wingers.
Floyd: Hey, what’s *COUGH* wrong with right wingers?
Lloyd: LIBERAL *COUGH* SCUM!
[Cut to the New Kelp City police officer driving in his police boat]
Police officer: *COUGH, COUGH* Ugh, why do I keep coughing? Now that I think about it, that fat fish I saw earlier also *COUGH* coughed. Perhaps him and his friends have something to do with all of this...but what about the *COUGH* coughs from inside the buil-
[Bubble Bass jumps on top of the police boat, confusing the police officer who panics and quickly stops driving and leaves his police boat]
Police officer: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH *COUGH* YOU?!
[The cult members who were with Bubble Bass arrive running]
Dennis: *gulp*
Police officer: WHAT ARE YOU DOING *COUGH* HERE?!
SpongeBob: LET US IN YOUR BOAT! DRIVE US TO *COUGH* BIKINI BOTTOM!
Police officer: Bikini Bottom?
SpongeBob: We know who attacked that *COUGH* building!
Police officer: …*COUGH*.....Go on.
Squilvia: SQUIDWARD TENTACLES! THAT’S HIS *COUGH* NAME! HE LIVES IN BIKINI BOTTOM, THAT PIECE OF-
Police officer: And you *COUGH* know this how?
Fred: Let’s just say us and Squidward have…..*COUGH*......problematic relations.
Police officer: And why didn’t you tell me all this *COUGH* information earlier?
Anchovy: Meep.
SpongeBob: THERE IS NO TIME FOR TALKING! LET US ALL INTO YOUR POLICE BOAT AND LET’S DRIVE TO *COUGH* BIKINI BOTTOM!
Police officer: OK! [he gets into the driver’s seat]
Bubble Bass: I’ll stay on top of here. Nice view of SQUIDWARD’S FUTURE *COUGH* DEATH!
[The other cult members go in the seats behind, except Dennis, who is sweating over the police officer’s presence and is a bit slow]
Dennis: WAIT! MAKE ME SPA-
Shubie: No space left!
Police officer: Well, you can always come with me at the front! There’s a *COUGH* free seat here!
Dennis: I-uh-um-
SpongeBob: HURRY UP AND *COUGH* GO THERE!
[Dennis seats at the front, sweating even more while looking at the police officer next to him]
Dennis: …..*COUGH*.......[fastens his seatbelt quickly in fear]
Police officer: Well, off we go! [he starts driving towards Bikini Bottom]
[Cut back to the faster than normal, enormous, black, and overall very cool-looking flying vehicle, where everyone is relaxed]
Patrick: Ah, this autopilot thingy is *COUGH* genius!
Lloyd: Yeah, I can even take a nap now without *COUGH* fearing death!
Floyd: A good nap might just be the *COUGH* thing to take right now!
[Patrick, Floyd, and Lloyd close their eyes]
Hoopla: What the hell is wrong with *COUGH* you people?
Lloyd: Mmmh?
Hoopla: Don’t you remember why we are here? We’re on a mission to *COUGH* murder someone! A murder that will change Bikini Bottom’s *COUGH* future! We’re killing our “leader”!You can’t just take a nap! Especially since this is a very fast vehicle that could *COUGH* already be extremely near New Kelp Ci-...........*COUGH*................DEAR NEPTUNE! [he clicks on his screen a few times] AAAAARGH!
Junior: WE’RE ALMOST IN *COUGH* NEW KELP CITY!
Hoopla: Ok guys, do you see the door at the back of the *COUGH* plane? The one with the sign saying it’s got weapons? Well, it’s *COUGH* probably got weapons. We are on a mission to kill Bikini Bottom’s leader, on a mission to *COUGH* make history. The strongest guy here is unfortunately currently dead, so it’ll be tough, no *COUGH* doubt about that. But I believe in us, and I know we can go out there, and epicly murder Squidward! Now let’s *COUGH* go get our weapons and make history, for Bikini Bottom!
Junior, Patrick, Floyd, and Lloyd: For Bikini Bottom!
Gary: Meow meow *COUGH* meow!
[Everyone goes to the room at the back of the vehicle, where a variety of guns and grenades are]
Lloyd: Hoho, guns!
Floyd: I can’t wait to *COUGH* shoot stuff!
Hoopla: You two really shouldn’t be allowed to have guns……*COUGH*......but hey, the more shots Squidward gets, the merrier.
Junior: Uh, yeah, *COUGH* heheh.
Hoopla: Which is why the gun I’ll be taking is a *COUGH* [grabs a machine gun] MACHINE GUN! Something which will put hundreds of bullets through Squidward’s ugly chest…..*COUGH*.....oh yeah, seeing him bleed on the floor would be such a nice sight.
Junior: JEEZ! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH *COUGH* YOU?!
Hoopla: Ugh, relax! I’m just acting psychotic about a *COUGH* psychopath!
Junior: Dear Neptune…*COUGH*....
Patrick: Aw, you’re nervous because you’re about to *COUGH* kill your dad, aren’t you?
Junior: Uh-
Patrick: Don’t worry! I’ve been in the same situation once or twice, and someone always *COUGH* convinced the bad guy to stop with the hypnotisation!
Junior: What?
Patrick: Oh no, I hope the bad guy didn’t hear me! HE’S GONNA *COUGH* KILL ME! UH, WE WERE TALKING ABOUT GUNS! [picks up a nerf gun] Nice *COUGH* gun.
Junior: The government plays with *COUGH* nerf guns?
Floyd: I know what gun imma *COUGH* be usin’! [picks up a sniper] A sniper! I’m so good at using these!
Lloyd: I won’t be using a gun! I just want to blow up *COUGH* New Kelp City! [picks up grenades] The police won’t get me again!
Floyd: Of course they will! You’re too fat to *COUGH* succesfully run away!
Lloyd: WIth a face like that, you’ll be arrested in no *COUGH* time! CHILD GROO-
Hoopla: My Neptune, shut up! For once in your lives! You are so annoying, you could even make *COUGH* that cartoony happy sun with a face that appears in the sky sometimes mad!
Floyd: You mean that sun isn’t a *COUGH* drug hallucination?!
Hoopla: [facepalms] Junior, Gary, get your guns *COUGH* ready for the historic moment.
Junior: I’ll just get a *COUGH* normal, standard gun. [picks up exactly what he said wow what a surprise]
Gary: Meow. [grabs an AK-47 assault rifle with his mouth]
Hoopla: Perfect. Now we wait for the arrival to *COUGH* New Kelp City.
[Cut to the foreseen police boat]
Police officer: I spy, with my little eye, a poster promoting the newest *COUGH* streaming service! I can’t wait to buy it, it’s got all the *COUGH* Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy shows!
Bubble Bass: [starts crying uncontrollably] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! YOU REMINDED ME OF THEIR *COUGH* DEATHS!
Police officer: Deaths? What are you *COUGH* talking about?
SpongeBob: [has an expression which is a mix of anger and sadness] Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy *COUGH* are dead. We discovered it recently, but no one else knows it.
Police officer: [stops driving and slowly turns his head around] …….*COUGH*.......Who did this?
SpongeBob: Squidward Tentacles, the guy we’re about to *COUGH* kill!
Police officer: OH, WE’LL *COUGH* MURDER HIM GOOD! [grabs a suitcase and opens it, revealing lots of police guns to be in it]
Squilvia: WOAH, GUNS!
Fred: Oh yeah, *COUGH* THIS is cool!
Police officer: Grab. *COUGH*
[Everyone grabs a gun]
Police officer: *dolphin chirp* *dolphin chirp* *dolphin chirp* *COUGH* *dolphin chirp*!
Con man: Dear Neptune, that’s quite a potty mouth you *COUGH* have there! You know, I’m hosting lessons to fix potty mouths every *COUGH* Friday, for just-
Anchovy: [slaps the con man] Meep! [points to something in front of the police boat] Meep!
[A ton of boats with cult members are shown in the distance]
SpongeBob: WE’RE NEAR SQUIDWARD! WE’RE NEAR *COUGH* SQUIDWARD!
Fred: OH YEAH! HONK THE HORN, SQUIDWARD WILL BE THE ONLY ONE *COUGH* LEFT! He’ll want to fight us, but it won’t end well for *COUGH* him…
Dennis: Yeah, sounds like *COUGH* Squidward.
Police officer: [honks the horn, causing all the boats in front of him but one to go away. Squidward is in the boat remaining]
Squidward: Huh? Who the hell was *COUGH* that? [turns around and sees the police boat] HUH?! IS THAT-[he hears weird sounds in the sky, then sees the vehicle flying] WHAT THE *COUGH*-
[The episode abruptly ends]
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