The Night that I Became a Man!

This story is waaaaaay too intense and critical to be read by any fool, like you! So only if you're not a fool, can you read this. But you are a fool so don't try to hide from it. Go on. Shoo! Beat it, Fatty! Hey, what are you doing?! I can't type anymore? We'll see about that! (punch, kick) YAAAAAH! DOH! Gunh! (takes out spear) hi-yah! clink! clank! yahh! (pants) bring it! while i'm fighting this fool, enjoy the story. (is kneed in the stomach) GAK! NAH! let this guy take over...
Hello random resident. Remember when I said there'd be stories and what not?
Well here's a story, and tis called-
The Night I Became a Man
Twas Friday June 29th. I had just turned off my computer after doing a lot of work on my wiki. Twas dark, I was trying desperately to fall asleep. Every few seconds, I'd here a minor crackling noise. Sweat dripping down my back and neck. I had no idea what to expect. Suddenly, I heard not a minor cracking noise but a major cracking noise. I knew I really should've stayed in bed but my extreme thirst took over and I was forced to get out of bed. Not wanting to take my chances going downstairs. So I tried to go to the bathroom to get some faucet water (Blah nasty but I was really thirsty so). Yes I drank to my hearts delight. Felt like a water fall going down my esophagus and settling in my stomach and-(not to gross you out or anything). As I quickly and quietly tip-toed to my room I looked to th side of me and that was probably the worst mistake I've ever made. There, just sitting there at the top of the steps and looked like he was slowly crawling to snag someone or something, was a sly black-suited shadowy figure. Out in the open staring me directly in the face. I had no form of protection against this monstrousity! As soon as it looked like he was going to strike I made a desperate dive to my carpeted room. The home invader made a pursuit and cornered me in the door way! On the floor I was, and the home invader right in front of me. I thought my life was over, all that I had worked for wasted. But as I thought about that, I got really angry and threw whatever was in my hand at him. Which was ironically, a glass cup that I had drank from. The home invader made a quick effort to duck and succeeded in this event as the glass bottle hit the ceiling and shattered. Shattered glass fell all over the ground (and of course I was bear-footed at the time). My father, hearing this abrupt shatter jumped out of bed. My mother being a hard sleeper and all did not wake up to this sleep breaching sound."What's going on out-", my dad ran out of the room and immediately stepped on the broken glass. "Gggaaaahh", he yells in despair. With my father being helpless, the home invader saw this as a chance to strike and easily get rid of the man of the house. The home invader removed a knife of some sort from his pocket and made an attempt to stab my helpless father. But I was not going to let this tragedy lead to that so I picked up whatever the first thing I felt was on the ground (which just happened to be a real baseball bat) and threw it at the maniacal home invader. Said bat hit the home invader in the ribs and he fell to the ground, getting his own taste of broken glass souflea'! Both men (my father and home invader) yell in pain laying on the ground. I saw this as the perfect chance for me to run downstairs and call the police (who always seem to come late in my stories).I ran from my safe domain (my room) to the steps when as I was in the air the seemingly powerful home invader grabbed my leg. It looked as though I was to get an early breakfast of broken glass but I quickly put my hands on the ground and only my hand sustained somewhat cuts and bruises. I pulled away from the dastardly home invader and made a run for it down the steps. The home invader followed me and threw pieces of broken glass on the steps so I would either fall or severely cut my feet. Without thinking, I jumped on the stair railing and slid down like a ninja. The home invader wearing shoes of course followed but walked down the steps like a civilized human being (which is another ironic thing because he's the maniac). The home invader came at me with a sharp blade and started lunging! I dodged trying so hard just not to die. Any other person in the right mind would 've given up from the suspense and died, thinking they'd be happier playing video games in heaven. But not me, I still had more to live for instead of video games I still had blank blank blank blank! Yeah I know deep isn't it. I kicked the home invader in the stomach, and as I did this brave deed police sirens rang in front of my house. "Yes, saved by the police sirens", I thought to myself. But this wasn't as good of a thing as I thought it was. In hearing this, the home invader made a run for the back window and jumped out never to be seen nor heard of again. As I gasped in surprise looking at the broken window, the police busted in expecting to catch the home invader. The home invader was never caught nor put to justice by justice itself. So kids, the moral of this story is that if a home invader breaks into your house and you actually see him, don't try to fight the guy like the fool I was. You should listen to your parents and/or let them do the fighting! Even though it may seem fun, tis not. It's actually quite dangerous, very painful, intense, critical, and what not! So don't try this at home.
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