Lady Bouvier's Lover/Quotes

:(after having danced with Mr. Burns in a Nightclub)
:Jacqueline: Why Monty, you're the devil himself.
:Mr. Burns: WHO TOLD YOU THA- oh yes. Excellent.
----
:Marge: You know, Mom, you and Abe have a lot in common.
:Jacqueline: Um-- Hmm.
:Marge: You both got swindled by that telemarketing scam.
:Jacqueline: Oh, it's not a swindle. What you do is, see, you give them all your credit card numbers, and if one of them is lucky they'll send you a prize.
----
:Mr. Burns: Smithers! Guess what happened to me last night!
:Smithers: I don't know sir. (he turns away) You had sex with that old woman?
:Mr. Burns: She said no to me! Do you know how many women have said no to me? 130, but only one since I've become a billionaire! And she's the one for me! I'm in love!
:Smithers: (groans) Whoop de doo, sir. 
:Mr. Burns: Yes, whoop de doo! Whoop de doo to the world! Whoop de doo, Mr. Florist! (Takes a flower) Whoop de doo, Mr. Physical Trainer! (flips his whistler) Whoop de doo, Mr. President! (gives him the flower)
:President Clinton: I'm happy you finally found love.
:Mr. Burns: (Goes to his tarantula farm) Whoop de doo, Tarantula Town! (talks into his microphone) Whoop de doo, Employees! Everyone who's found true love may leave early today!
:Employees: (all of them cheer, especially Homer thanks to him already having a wife)
:Homer: Alright!
:(All the employees leave except one who sheds and sniffles a tear.)
----
:Mr. Burns: Smithers, come over here and help me write a mash note to my girlfriend.
:Smithers: Fine. (woefully) Darling one, read my words and hear my heart speak of a love soft and undying. Love that will...be with you always. (beat, offhand) Sincerely, yadda-yadda-yadda.
:Mr. Burns: That's marvelous! How did you think of that so fast?
:Smithers: I...said it to you on your birthday. (wipes a tear) Excuse me, I have something in my eye!
----
:Bart: (imitates Grampa and Jacqueline) Don't forget the Smeckler's powder.
:Grampa and Jacqueline: Don't make fun!
----
:Marge: Say, I have a neat idea. Why don't you go in and pick up my mother and we'll all go out to dinner?
:Grampa: I'll be back in a jiffy! (gets an old lady in a wheelchair)
:Marge: That's not my mother!
:Grampa: I'll be back in a jiffy! (leaves again)
:Old Lady: Can I come too? (Homer rolls up his car window) (sadly) Oh.
----
:Homer: Marge, please, old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
:Marge: Homer, would you please stop reading that Ross Perot pamphlet?
----
:Grampa: I'm gonna smooch her like a mule eating an apple!
----
:Grampa: You know, you remind me of a poem I can't remember, and a song that may never have existed, and a place I'm not sure I've ever been to.
----
:Marge: [about Mr. Burns] He's an awful, awful, awful man! But I guess if he makes Mom happy, that's all that really matters.
:Homer: That's right, money. Your money's happiness is all that moneys.
----
:(Bart answers the door)
:Deliveryman #1: Yeah, hi. I got a special delivery for Homer Simpson.
:Bart: That's me.
:Deliveryman #1: (punches Bart in the face.) Don't write no more letters to Mr. Sinatra.
:(The doorbell rings Bart answers it)
:Squeaky-voiced Teen: I got a special delivery for Homer Simpson.
:Bart: Uh that's me.
:Squeaky-voiced Teen: (punches Bart in the face) Stop stealing golf balls from the driving range!
:(The doorbell rings)
:Deliveryman #2: (through the door) Homer Simpson! I've got a uh.. special delivery for you.
:Bart: Go away.
:Deliveryman #2: If you do not open the door, Mr. Simpson, I cannot give you your special delivery.
:(Bart sees it's his animation cell that he ordered)
:Deliveryman #2: Here's your special delivery.
:Bart: Thanks...
:Deliveryman #2: (punches Bart in the face) And that's for keeping me waiting.
----
:Homer: Well, I'm opposed to the whole thing! Damn opposed!
:Bart: He's damn opposed! Damn damn damn opposed!
----
:Bart: You know, Grandma really likes it when her boyfriends are nice to me. She especially likes it when they give me money.
----
:Homer: Maggie, can you point to the monkey? [Maggie points at Homer] Pfft, what do babies know.
:Lisa: Maggie, can you point to the credenza? [Maggie correctly points at the credenza]
:Homer: D'OH!
----
:Marge: Homer, you didn't do a very good job frosting Maggie's birthday cake.
:Homer: What, it's not Magaggie's birthday? [pauses and looks at the incorrectly-frosted cake] Oh. [removes the extra A and G, followed by the other letters in "MAGAGGIE", and eats them]
:Marge: Hey, hey, hey! Stop it! I made a special cake for you to ruin. It's over there. [points at a cake covered in various letters]
:Homer: Ooh. [starts removing and eating the letters]
----
:Patty: Hello everyone except Homer.
----
:Homer: If he marries your mother, Marge, we'll be brother and sister! And our kids will be horrible freak things with pink skin, no overbites, and five fingers on each hand! [imagines Bart, Lisa and Maggie turning from yellow "monsters" to white humans.]
:Maggie: [sucks her pacifier]
:Homer: [Screams]
----
:Grampa: I feel all funny [gasps] I'm in love-- no wait, it's a stroke.
:[He is sent to hospital by ambulance, Abe recovers]
:Grampa: NO WAIT, IT IS LOVE! [the ambulance stops and ditches him to a highway]. I'M IN LOOOVE!... [rolls away to the busy traffic.]
es:Lady Bouvier's Lover/Frases