EPF Phone/Messages

Messages were a function of the EPF Phone in Club Penguin and were used by Elite Penguin Force agents to communicate with each other, but sometimes villainous characters would use it communicate as well. Initially, messages were mostly about System Defender, but they later shifted to be more general agent happenings, and sometimes simply idle chatter.
==2011==
===January 14===
*G: "Red alert! The EPF is under attack! All agents - report to the system scanner in the Command Room immediately. This is not a drill!"
===January 16===
*Director: "Our enemy has been identified. Ultimate Protobot, destroyed in 2008, has returned. Be on alert. It is considered to be extremely dangerous."
===January 17===
*Protobot: "Attention EPF. Surrender your computer mainframe. I need it's parts to repair my core circuits. Comply, or face destruction."
===January 23===
*G: "Agents - make sure to check out the new Tech class gear I finished last week. Tech agents are the EPF's computer experts. I'll have more info soon."
===January 26===
*Director: "No new incidents of Protobot's activity have been reported. Remain on alert - we believe it was not working alone."
===January 27===
*Dot: "Update: the newspaper source that revealed us was not the Protobot. I'm sure of it. Whoever it was already knew about us. Still investigating."
===January 28===
*Jet Pack Guy: "RED ALERT! We're under attack! We need to get to the System Defender, pronto!"
===January 31===
*Herbert P Bear: "Hello, Error Prone Fumblers! Did you miss me? I see you've already met my latest reinvention: Ultimate Protobot! Stay tuned, there's more to come."
===February 2===
*G: "Agents, I forgot to mention: I updated the System Defender last week! Now in an emergency, you can earn medals for defending the EPF."
===February 3===
*Herbert P Bear: "Hello again, Endlessly Pathetic Fools! Figured out what I'm up to yet? Don't worry, I'm out of popcorn... But I may be 'bugging' you again soon"
===February 5===
*Rookie: "Hey everyone! I have a theory - I think Herbert and Protobot may have helpers! Something with a tire... Maybe some kind of evil wheel barrow? "
===February 9===
*Director: "Stay sharp agents. We suspect Herbert and Protobot haven't given up their assault on System Defender. Be ready for anything."
===February 10===
*Dot: "Everyone get to HQ immediately! We're under attack! I'm detecting multiple enemy signals in System Defender - let's move!"
===February 13===
*Herbert P Bear: "Hello Easily Perturbed Fowl! Seems your system is well defended. So this week I'm trying something else. Just a minor test of your skills. MWA HA HA!"
===February 16===
*G: "Transmitting to all frequencies. Herbert - why are you attacking us? We thought you had changed your ways. You helped us save the island once!"
*Herbert P Bear: "Tick tock agents. I've left you a special surprise somewhere. I don't mean to 'box' you in, but if I were you, I'd hurry up and find it..."
===February 18===
*Herbert P Bear: "I helped you, but that doesn't mean we're friends. Warm up the island, end your noisy parties and maybe I'll consider adding you to my buddy list."
===February 21===
*Director: "Herbert - you will need to try harder if you want to scratch the EPF. Our agents are incredibly skilled, and prepared for anything."
===February 23===
*Protobot: "Attention EPF. The polar bear and I have only begun our master plan. Once I have my core circuits, we will crush you. Resistance is pointless."
===February 24===
*Rookie: "AHH! Help! System Defender! Alert! Attacking! Bugs! Red Alert! All hand on deck! Scramble! Move in! Hurry! Gadzooks!"
===February 27===
*Klutzy: "Click clicky click click, D= Click clickety click click click, Q_Q Click click ka-click! ^_^"
===February 28===
*Rookie: "Umm... Right back at ya, Klutzy. I think."
===March 1===
*Jet Pack Guy: "Yo everyone - I've been investigating some unusual computer activity. I've given my report to G - look for new orders soon."
===March 4===
*G: "Good work this week agents. We can now track some of Herbert and Protobot's secret messages. Stay on alert.
===March 6===
*G: "Herbert said he needed the Wheelbot's design. He might be building more, I've prepared a new anti-robot defense cannon just in case."
===March 8===
*Herbert: "Hello, my Exceptionally Putrid Foes! This week I've got a special 'little' treat for you. Actually, I've got a few hundred of them..."
===March 10===
*Herbert: "Dash it all! You agents are becoming a nuisance. Shouldn't you be busy waddling around and making friends or something?"
===March 11===
*G: "Be careful this week not to tip off Herbert about the hidden message we found. Rookie - please be extra careful. Don't worry, this channel is secure."
===March 12===
*Rookie: "You can count on me! I haven't given away any classified information for weeks!"
===March 14===
*Dot: "Heads up - I was disguised as a soccer ball at the Stadium, and I saw a crab rushing around. I suggest we investigate."
===March 16===
*Director: "Agents, make sure you complete your Field-Ops quickly this week. We may have discovered some unsettling information about Herbert's accomplices."
===March 18===
*G: "We've discovered an important clue in Herbert's plans. He may have more crab accomplices working for him than just Klutzy. More info soon."
===March 20===
*Protobot: "Attention EPF. As of now, I am jamming all communication frequencies, Without it, your destruction is assured."
===March 21===
*G: "Protobot’s jammin---$#(SG(GG(#SZ(!&#(*RH$AA#S#GTGG&@HPB!$KTC&:*B&B@----ERROR – SIGNAL LOST."
===March 22===
*Director: "Agents, Protob---- PTTF!#$&NSHBT$&*(CPT@&$*#SBP@$&$#&DJKD@$&#GB/SB/PK/F$&*-----ERROR – SIGNAL LOST."
===March 26===
*Protobot: "Impossible. You had only 0.1 chance of stopping my signal. The polar bear's calculations were incorrect. Retreating for now."
===March 27===
*Herbert P Bear: "Stop calling me polar bear, you Ultimate Pea-brain 10,000!"
===March 28===
*G: "All communication systems have returned to normal. Great work everyone!"
===March 31===
*Rookie: "Update - hey everyone! G and the Director have given me orders to work on learning to translate crab. Hope to see you at the party!"
===April 5===
*G: "I've received reports of a suspicious crab in the Puffle Launch game in the Pet Shop. We may need to investigate."
===April 6===
*Jet Pack Guy: "Took a look into this crab guy in Puffle Launch. Spotted him, but he got away. All I know for sure is that it's NOT Klutzy."
===April 9===
*Dot: "Hey everyone. G and I have been working on a major surprise that's coming soon. Here's a hint - start saving your medals."
===April 11===
*Rookie: "I've translated part of a crab message! It said, "Keep cutting fishing lines. Keep tapping on glass. Keep taking Puffle'Os." Weird, huh?"
===April 12===
*Jet Pack Guy: "That’s bad news. That means EVERY crab on the island is now a suspect in our investigation."
===April 13===
*G: "A new party will be announced in this week's newspaper. This is the info Herbert is waiting for. Stand by for orders."
===April 15===
*Director: "Attention agents. Complete Field-Ops as soon as possible this week. A signal has been found, and we need more agents to verify its message."
===April 17===
*G: "All agents - we have confirmed that Protobot and Herbert are going to attack the Earth Day Party. They must not succeed! Orders soon."
===April 18===
*Rookie: "*Open message - all channels* Herbert! Are you really going to help destroy the environment??? Why would you do something like that?"
===April 19===
*Jet Pack Guy: "*Closed message - channel secure* Rookie, you can't reveal stuff like that! Now Herbert knows we know his plan!"
===April 20===
*Herbert P Bear: "So you know Protobot’s plan eh? The plan I’d have to be CRAZY to support? You Environment Protecting Fools better keep an eye on the trees."
===April 21===
*G: "*Closed message - channel secure* Hmm... I think Herbert was warning us. Put all Earth Day Party trees under surveillance. Be ready."
===April 25===
*Herbert P Bear: "Curse you fowl fools! How did you EVER figure Protobot's 'brilliant' plan? You must think you're 'smarter' than he is."
===April 26===
*Protobot: "Error. Probability of Elite Agents calculating attack: 0 percent. Wheelbot destroyed. Retreating for now."
===April 27===
*Dot: "Great work everyone! I'm seriously proud of you. FYI - tomorrow I'm introducing a new class: the Stealth Class! More info soon."
===April 30===
*G: "Herbert and Protobot have gone quiet again. This is a good opportunity to prepare. Next week, I’ll start by explaining more about classes."
===May 1===
*G: "The agent classes each represent a specialized role in the EPF. Each class brings different strengths and skills to their squad."
*G: "Tactical agents are experts of snowball combat. They are heavily armored, and solve problems head-on with as much action as possible."
===May 2===
*G: "Tech agents are gadget-geniuses and computer experts. They solve problems with intellect, and are most powerful in front of a computer."
*G: "Stealth agents are masters of disguise. They solve problems by waiting and watching for the right time to act. They are very secretive."
===May 3===
*G: "Comm Agents are experts in intel and recon. They solve problems with information and diplomacy. They are excellent leaders."
===May 5===
*Rookie: "Whoa! Have any other agents done this week's Field-Op? If not, make sure to write down the message. I'm trying to figure out what it says..."
===May 6===
*Jet Pack Guy: "Hmm… I don’t trust this message from Herbert. We’ve tried working with him before, and he has not proven trustworthy."
===May 7===
*Dot: "That’s true JPG, but I think Herbert has realized how dangerous Protobot is. If he’s willing to help us, I say we accept."
===May 8===
*Director: "Protobot must be taken offline at all costs. We must act before it has a chance to finish rebuilding itself. That time is now."
===May 9===
*G: "*Closed message – channel secure from Protobot* Alright Herbert. We decoded your message. What is your proposal for taking care of Protobot?"
===May 10===
*Herbert P Bear: "About time you made a GOOD decision. I'm sending you Protobot's location now. You DO remember how to use those fancy defense cannons, right?"
===May 12===
*Jet Pack Guy: "Finished a fly-by of the site north of the Cove. There may still be Test Bots active down there. No telling if Protobot’s offline."
===May 13===
*Protobot: "BZZZK, Calculations complete: The only way the EPF could have known our location was if the polar bear told them. Correct?"
===May 14===
*Herbert P Bear: "That’s right, you mechanical menace! I should never have rebuilt you! I want to DEFEAT the Elite Penguin Fools, not destroy them!"
===May 15===
*Protobot: "Reclassifying – polar bear is now our enemy. System damage unrepairable. Retreating until new engineer can be located. BZZZZK"
*Herbert P Bear: "Mwa ha ha! All too easy! Now that Proto-bumbler is out of the way, I can begin my NEW plan. Prepare “ye fools” for I “cometh” soon."
===May 16===
*Jet Pack Guy: "Yo, I KNEW we couldn't trust you Herbert! I dare you to show your face at the Medieval Party - we're ready for you anytime, anyplace!"
===May 17===
*Herbert P Bear: "Temper temper, Jet Pack George."
===May 20===
*Rookie: "Everything looks clean to me so far. Except the puffle pens - they're a bit smelly. But no suspicious-smelly. Just regular smelly."
===May 21===
*Dot: "Disguised myself as a princess and staked out the Attic. No sign of Herbert. Gotta say, I much prefer my uniform to a princess gown. :P"
===May 22===
*Jet Pack Guy: "Found a suspicious device in the Cave, underground. Spoke to a few agents, and they found one too. No other sign of Herbert though."
===May 24===
*G: "Hm... we're still not sure what Herbert is planning, and he hasn't sent any other messages. Agents, be on full alert this week."
===May 28===
*G: "Still nothing. As far as our surveillance cameras go, we haven't seen anything else suspicious. Stay sharp, everyone."
===May 29===
*Rookie: "Maybe Herbert decided not to do anything bad. The party ends tomorrow, and still no sign of him. Maybe he's a good guy now!"
===May 31===
*G: "RED ALERT! All agents report to the Everyday Phoning Facility immediately! We are under attack! This is not a drill!"
===June 6===
*Dot: "Attention agents: everything seems quiet on the EPF rooftop. I think Herbert gave up. Great work everyone!"
===June 7===
*Herbert P Bear: "GRR! You penguin have no idea how to build a proper bot! Your Hydra-bot broke down after being blown up only a few thousand times. CURSES!"
*G: "We did it! That means both Herbert and Protobot have been defeated. For the first time in a year, we have peace on the island. Well done!"
===June 8===
*Director: "All agents are ordered to rest and celebrate. Repair teams - move in. I'm temporarily suspending Field-Ops - everyone has earned a break."
===June 10===
*G: "I have spoken with the Director, and Field-Ops will return later this month. For now everyone's orders are to enjoy Music Jam."
===June 13===
*G: "I’m pleased to report that all damage from the Hydra–bot has been repaired. Excellent work everyone!"
===June 15===
*G: "According to my calculations, it's my fault that Herbert stole the Hydra-bot. I'm sorry everyone, I should have been more careful with it."
===June 17===
*Jet Pack Guy: "Nah, it ain't your fault G. I shouldn't have lost my cool, and dared Herbert to attack us. It's my bad - I apologize."
===June 19===
*Director: "Listen agents – if mistakes were made, we must learn from them and move on. That is why we are a force of agents. No one is perfect."
===June 24===
*G: "Field-Ops will be returning soon. Since Herbert is hiding, we’ll assign weekly training-ops instead, so agents can continue earning medals."
===June 26===
*G: "New Field Op tomorrow. Each class lead will be running a training operation over the next few weeks. Check the Command Room for orders."
===August 5===
*Rookie: "Hey everyone! It’s been super duper quiet recently. What’s going on? Anything new?"
===August 6===
*G: "Nothing to report."
===August 7===
*Rookie: "Hey G, what's up with this party everyone's talking about? It says in the newspaper that you're helping arrange it?"
===August 8===
*G: "Just a little get together I'm helping out with. Nothing to report."
===August 15===
*Jet Pack Guy: "So G, I was wondering, when are we going to hear more about that party you're planning?"
===August 16===
*G: "Check this week’s newspaper for more info. It’s a special edition – scented with fish oil. Don’t miss it."
===August 19===
*G: "Temperature at Toughest Mountain has dropped by 115%. According to my calculations, that should be enough to put Herbert into hibernation."
*G: "Attention agents: the Comm App is now secure. We're beginning Operation: Hibernation - our plan to capture Herbert. Orders soon."
===August 22===
*Director: "CLASSIFIED: Using System Defender, we traced Herbert's location. We've blasted the area with cold air, which should make him hibernate."
*Director: "ORDERS: We have a very narrow opportunity. We need a team to sneak past Herbert's security systems, and capture him before he wakes up."
===August 23===
*Director: "This is a highly dangerous mission. Those who are willing, report to the Command Room on Aug 25 for Operation: Hibernation."
===August 24===
*Director: "To ensure security, there will be no further messages. We are radio silent. Be resourceful. Be remarkable. Be ready."
===September 28===
*G: "Hello everyone! Our Communication system is finally secure again. Agents - report for new Field-Op training, and keep an eye on Herbert."
===October 4===
*G: "Update: new Field-Op training is coming this week. Suspect #1 is still secure. Good work agents."
===October 14===
*Director: "We have not yet decided what to do with Herbert. Moving him may be too dangerous. For now, we must keep him safe and secure."
===October 20===
*Rookie: "Hey - if you guys happen to see Klutzy, let me know. We're not trying to catch him or anything, he's just wanted for questioning. Thanks!"
===October 27===
*G: "Reminder to some agents - there's no need to detain any ghosts, ghouls, or Living Sleds. No matter how spooky they look."
===November 3===
*G: "After agents have completed this week's Field-Op, you may take the rest of the week off to play the new Pufflescape game. Enjoy!"
===November 10===
*G: "Ninja activity has increased all over the island. If you see any unusual fire or water activity, do not be alarmed. The situation is under control."
===November 17===
*Rookie: "I just met Sensei!!!! He's so awesome! I was all, "Hi Sensei!" and he was like, "I think you're standing on my foot." Sensei rules!!!"
===November 24===
*Jet Pack Guy: "Update: just checked on Herbert. The extra heat on the island hasn't affected the Air Conditioner 3000. He is still safely secured."
===December 2===
*Rookie: "Dot! I don't want to alarm you, but someone is selling your tree disguises in the Gift Shop. Should I start detaining trees? Over."
===December 8===
*Dot: "Those aren't disguises Rookie - they're costumes. Even then, I would never advise detaining trees. You should probably leaf them alone."
===December 22===
*Director: "Attention Agents - we are aware of the situation in Herbert's hibernation cell. G has your orders."
===December 29===
*G: "Well done this year Agents. There were many challenges, but we faced them together. No matter what 2012 holds for us, I know we'll be ready."
==2012==
===January 5===
*Rookie: "I've got BIG news! I was asked to help plan this month's Expedition Party! I have lots of good ideas too. Read about it in next week's newspaper!"
===January 12===
*G: "Good luck with the party planning Rookie. Your request has been approved. All agents - be on alert to help Rookie with his preparations."
===January 19===
*Rookie: "I'm so excited for next week's Underwater Expedition! I guarantee it's going to be a party to remember!"
===January 28===
*Director: "RED ALERT! All agents respond! Focus all efforts on protecting Club Penguin citizens. This is not a drill!"
===February 2===
*Director: "All reports confirm that Herbert has vanished without a trace. We believe he will lie low for the time being. G has your orders."
===February 9===
*Jet Pack Guy: "Finished another sweep of the island. No sign of Herbert. How did he just vanish into thin air? You'd think he'd be groggy from his four month nap…"
===February 16===
*G: "Rockhopper has requested my help to upgrade his ship. For now, I'll be assigning orders, but Dot is taking over the Herbert investigation."
===February 24===
*Jet Pack Guy: "Man, I can't believe we still haven't heard from Herbert! You'd think he'd be bragging about how he got away. Where IS he?"
===March 1===
*Jet Pack Guy: "I was keeping an eye on the Migrator, in case Herbert tried to board in disguise. Saw lots of vikings, dinosaurs, and pirates. No polar bears."
===March 8===
*Dot: "Still no sign of Herbert or Klutzy. I'll be meeting with the Director this week to discuss what we should do next. G has your orders."
===March 15===
*G: "Herbert did not respond to our broadcast last week. We must wait for him to make the first move. There is not much else we can do."
===March 22===
*Dot: "Everyone - I have an idea. It's a bit risky, but it might just lure Herbert out of hiding. All we need is the right bait…"
===March 29===
*Rookie: "Hey! If you rearrange the letters in 'Box Dimension' you can spell 'BeD mix onions'! I'm not sure what that means, but it sounds delicious!"
===April 5===
*Dot: "I scanned the Aqua Grabber this morning, and the computer core was still there. So this week we're going to try something drastic. G has your orders."
===April 12===
*Dot: "I checked the arcade we loaded the fake message into. It hasn't been plugged in or tampered with. I have one more idea. G has your orders."
===April 19===
*Dot: "Herbert didn't take the bait. The computer we left connected to the EPF mainframe wasn't tampered with. Herbert could be long gone."
===April 26===
*Rookie: "Hey everyone, I was in the Pizza Shop, and I overheard someone say there's a cream soda shortage. Is Rockhopper in town???"
===May 3===
*G: "Attention agents - I will be issuing your orders, but Dot is still in charge of the investigation. I have some pressing matters to attend to…
===May 10===
*Jet Pack Guy: "Alert! Radar is picking up something BIG flying around the island! It's too fast to follow - has anyone gotten a visual on this thing yet?"
===May 17===
*Jet Pack Guy: "Mayday! Mayday! We've got an emergency situation! A… dragon has taken over the island? What is going on here?? Orders???
===May 24===
*Rookie: "G, are you feeling okay? You've been acting a bit funny. Maybe you need more coffee? Or less?"
===May 31===
*G: "At last, I'm feeling normal again. It seems Scorn's curse had a large effect on me. Did I do anything strange?"
===June 7===
*Protobot: "Attention EPF. The Meteor has restored my power. I am assembling a robot of immense force. Prepare for destruction."
===June 22===
*Jet Pack Guy: "Great work everyone - keep it up! These Super Villains are no match for the Elite Penguin Force!"
===June 28===
*G: "Agents, we must not give up! Desperate times call for desperate measures. Report to the Command Room--we have a plan."
===July 6===
*G: "Outstanding work Agents! Destructobot has been defeated, and is being dismantled. But we cannot rest yet! You have new orders."
===July 12===
*G: "We've analyzed the message you all detected last week, and we have a lead. Report to the Command Room for orders."
===July 19===
*G: "We have Protobot on the run! Report to the Command Room quickly, so we can put a stop to this mechanical menace."
===July 26===
*G: "We haven't detected any more Protobot infections, but we can't rest yet. More orders ready in the Command Room."
===August 2===
*Rookie: "Great job everyone! Here's hoping we don't run into any more dragons, giant robots, or fan mobs for a while. I'm pooped!"
===August 9===
*Jet Pack Guy: "Whoa! Hey everyone, sensors just started picking up some weird energy readings. Is there another meteor or something nearby?"
===August 16===
*G: "I spoke with Rockhopper - he's bringing an unusual totem with him that might be responsible for the strange energy readings. Agents, remain on standby."
===August 23===
*Rookie: "Oh man! MORE strange stuff is happening! Giant volcano thing! Apples! Pineapples! Watermelon! Help!"
===August 30===
*Jet Pack Guy: "I don't want to get my hopes up, but it looks like this BIG BIG KAHUNA thing is actually happy now. Glad we calmed it down at last."
===September 6===
*Rookie: "Hey everyone, good news! The Fair is coming back to town this month, and I'M HELPING TO PLAN IT! Woohoo! And I promise I won't sink the island. Not even a little!"
===September 13===
*Rookie: "Hey everyone! I'm helping to set up the Fair this week, so I might be a bit busy. If there are any emergencies or disasters, please leave a message!"
===September 20===
*Rookie: "Hey everyone, the Fair is going great! I almost blew up the Puffle Circus, but everything worked out okay. Phew! Hope you're all having fun!"
===September 27===
*Rookie: "Hey everybody! I was so distracted by delicious popcorn, I almost refilled all the game tickets with anvils. Good thing I noticed!"
===October 4===
*G: "Attention agents - I need some help investigating a personal matter this month. Please report to the Command Room for orders."
===October 11===
*Jet Pack Guy: "Hey everyone. I was just in the Forest, minding my own business, when I heard a strange sound. It was like a long ooOOOooOOOooh sound. Any ideas what it was?"
===October 18===
*Rookie: "Gadzooks! There are ghosts everywhere! Alert! What do we do? We didn't cover ghosts in basic training!"
===October 26===
*G: "Agents! I have made contact with my long lost great uncle, Gariwald. As it happens, he turned himself into a ghost on purpose. What an amazing discovery!"
===November 1===
*G: "Excellent! Things are back to normal. My Great Uncle Gariwald has returned to the ghostly world to continue his research. Well done!"
===November 8===
*Director: "RED ALERT! Agent G is missing. All agents, search the island. This is not a drill. Repeat, this is not a drill."
===November 15===
*Herbert P Bear: "Club Penguin is no more! The EPF is finished! From this day forward, I'M in charge! And there's NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP ME! MWAHAHA!"
===November 22===
*Herbert P Bear: "Surrender Elite Penguin Fools! Your best agents have already been caught, like flies in a web. You cannot defeat me."
===November 29===
*Herbert P Bear: "I know it's YOU trying to oppose me, Agent! I WILL find out who you are. I WILL capture you. Mark my words!"
===December 6===
*Director: "Well done agents, the Blackout has ended. Though Herbert has eluded capture, his base is destroyed, and the Solar Laser with it. We must now rebuild."
===December 13===
*G: "What a mess! Herbert destroyed so much data. Personal files, PSA backups, the entire Field-Ops mainframe. Right now I'm not even sure what can be fixed."
===December 20===
*G: "Agents - divert your efforts to baking cookies! I've been studying them in great detail. They contain 124% your daily intake of magic!"
===December 27===
*Rookie: "Happy holidays everyone! I hope you're all having a blast at the party. I got a new pair of socks - best gift ever!"
==2013==
===January 4===
*G: "Great Scott - of course! By recalibrating the temporal distortion array in my Time Trekker, I can manipulate time space as easy as peeling a tangerine! Simple!"
===January 10===
*Jet Pack Guy: "Umm… Gary? Are you feeling okay? You've been acting… kinda strange."
===January 17===
*G: "Anyone feel like creating a temporal singularity and traveling back in time with me? There are lots of dinosaurs there!"
===January 31===
*G: "Terrible news! I accidentally fixed the temporal distortion. Things are back to normal. Hopefully I'll figure out how to break it again someday!"
===February 7===
*Rookie: "Hey guys! Have you seen Herbert? Or any signs of him like fur or vegetarian stuff? It's so weird that he just totally completely disappeared… Don't you THINK?"
===February 14===
*Jet Pack Guy: "Keep your eyes peeled for suspicious activity at film shoots. Security is top priority with all these VIP's mulling around."
===February 21===
*Dot: "Great job, Agents - things seem to be going off without a hitch. Now let's keep up surveillance at the Awards Show. I want to see you all looking sharp."
===February 28===
*G: "Anyone else find the cubic measure of their Spy Phone voluminous? Gadzooks! I think it might be time to experiment with an upgrade!"
===March 7===
*Rookie: "Did you guys see the big crates in the Command Room? What's in them?! Probably TV's… Or no. Maybe a pair of giant purple chocolate elephants! I'M SO EXCITED!!!"
===March 14===
*PH: "Heya agents! Got some construction going around the Pet Shop--would ya mind keeping an eye out? This is an important event -- I need extra security!"
===March 21===
*G: "Zounds! Re-construction of the EPF is coming along splendiferously. I'm particularly ecstatic about the addition of an on-site lab! For SCIENCE!"
===March 28===
*Jet Pack Guy: "Agents. It's been too quiet for comfort lately. We've got a couple of high profile threats we haven't tracked down. Keep sharp out there."
===April 5===
*G: "A highly unstable, flammable substance was stolen from the Pizza Parlor! This could have exceedingly devastating consequences. I repeat. This is bad."
===April 11===
*Jet Pack Guy: "I'm seeing a lot of real fine work out there, agents. One agent in particular showed great skill and bravery. You know who you are."
===April 18===
*G: "Recent fluctuations in seismic activity are affecting rock composition in a most peculiar way… crystals unlike any I've studied before…"
===April 25===
*Dot: "Attention. We're seeing a major outbreak of robots all over the island. And a lot of penguins in tights. Keep alert. There's only one bag of bolts who could be behind this!"
===May 2===
*Rookie: "So far I've met 150 robots!! So COOL. But they are NOT friendly. Like, for example, they are NOT going in for high fives."
===May 9===
*Jet Pack Guy: "Report to the Command Room to check out Spy Drills - our new training terminal. Hone skills. Earn medals. Gear up. Enough said."
===May 16===
*G: "Electromagnetic waves are normal. And I've collected some fascinating minerals! Now my Climatron 3000 is just picking up a rise in sub-zero moisture. We're in for a cold snap!"
===May 23===
*Jet Pack Guy: "Warning all agents. Nearly crash landed when a strong wind knocked me off course. Not every day I fly through flurries as dangerous as those. Real chilly up there."
===May 30===
*Dot: "Great to see so many agents doing Spy Drills. Kudos you guys. And now that you've banked some medals, reward yourself. Elite gear!"
===June 6===
*Director: "Agents. Continue to join our ninja allies in battle. Defend the island. The threat is great."
===June 13===
*G: "Despite extensive experimentation, the application of that stolen hot sauce remains unclear. One indisputable fact - that polar bear is keeping an awfully low profile!"
===June 2===
*Rookie: "Did you see?! Construction's done at the Ski Village! But those big phones DON'T WORK. Dot says they're 'for decoration ONLY'."
===June 27===
*Dot: "Lots of strange characters around the island… Agents, go undercover in a one-eyed mask or furry monster suit and see what intel you can dig up."
===July 4===
*Rookie: "University is AWESOME! I wish we could go to school ALL YEAR ROUND! We could learn about poems… and ROCKS! Like my pet ROCK!"
===July 11===
*Jet Pack Guy: "Reports are coming in of puffles digging up rare items! Those goofy little fur balls never cease to amaze me. Great to have 'em on our team."
===July 18===
*G: "The Death Star is approaching rapidly. Agents - continue preparations for the landing of the Millennium Falcon at the Dock."
===July 25===
*Director: "Agents. Report to Tatooine to join the Rebel Alliance. The fate of the galaxy rests with you."
===August 1===
*Dot: "Alright agents. Time to infiltrate the Death Star. Darth Herbert's going down!"
===August 8===
*Director: "Agents. The data has been analyzed and we've found the Death Star's weakness. Get to Yavin 4 and take the space station down."
===August 15===
*Jet Pack Guy: "Great work agents. Darth Herbert and the Empire have been defeated. Take a break. You deserve it."
===August 22===
*Dot: "The Summer Jam has started. Keep your eyes peeled for troublemakers, but don't forget to hit the beach and have some fun!"
===August 29===
*Rookie: "I had a great vacation :D And rubber ducky took care of everything! It was like I wasn't even gone O.o"
===September 5===
*Jet Pack Guy: "Herbert's been far too quiet lately. We're beginning to wonder if we've seen the last of him. Or if he'll wash up somewhere."
===September 12===
*Dot: "Agents, honing your skills is essential. Make sure you're practicing your Spy Drills. You can never be too prepared."
===September 19===
*Director: "There are chickens on the loose. Round them up, agents. It's a matter of national security."
===September 26===
*G: "Gadzooks! This party is absolutely medieval! There is a 99.5% probability princesses are in need of rescuing."
===October 3===
*G: "What exciting discoveries! Transformations, mysterious seeds, and an oddly familiar wizard. Rookie will be handling Halloween while I head to the lab to research!"
===October 10===
*Rookie: "Hi everybody! Did u hear I'm planning the Halloween party?! Make sure u all dress up and eat candy, k? Nothing bad's going to happen, so u can take a break and relax."
===October 17===
*Rookie: "Hey guys! So some of the candy was cursed, and is turning everyone into vampires, werewolves, and zombies. My bad. If you don't wanna be a monster, don't eat the candy."
===October 24===
*Director: "Every agent has impressed me greatly with their hard work. You've successfully helped protect the island for 8 years. I look forward to continuing to work with you."
===November 1===
*Dot: "Herbert-sized footprints have been reported in the wilds. We've sent Jet Pack Guy to investigate and will update you as soon as we have more information."
===November 7===
*Jet Pack Guy: "There's something suspicious going on out in the wilds. Get ready for rough terrain agents. We'll be heading out into the wilderness."
===November 14===
*PH: "Puffles have been going missing all over the island. And there are tracks leading out into the wilds. We believe Herbert's behind this."
===November 21===
*Director: "Agents, we've set up an Outpost behind the Ski Village. Head there to get your orders and rescue the missing puffles."
===November 28===
*G: "Keep up the great work. I've cracked 87.456% of Herbert's security systems. I just need the remaining chips."
===December 5===
*Director: "Well done, agents. The puffles are safe. Herbert is no match for the EPF."
===December 12===
*Jet Pack Guy: "We can't pinpoint Herbert's location. The puffles who carried him off know the Wilds well. Keep an eye out for clues and report anything unusual. He can't have gone too far."
===December 19===
*G: "Agents, we'll need everyone's help to recover the coins Herbert stole. And perhaps with a few modifications I can convert this train for EPF use… back to the lab!"
===December 26===
*Jet Pack Guy: "Crab-like footprints have been reported in the Wilds. We suspect they belong to Klutzy. It's difficult to trace them back to a single location. We may need to bring in an expert."
==2014==
===January 3===
*Rookie: "Happy New Year! That was the BEST Year EVER! There were puffles, super heroes, dragons, vampires, and… uh oh. I don't think I'm supposed to use this for non-EPF messages…"
===January 9===
*Jet Pack Guy: "Agents! A mysterious message has been found at the Snow Forts. Secure the perimeter and search for clues."
===January 16===
*G: "I've received a message from my great uncle Garugg the Ugg Ugg. Agents, I shall require your assistance. We are about to step back in time. Things could get dangerous."
===January 23===
*Dot: "Agents, the Stone-Age is a great place to practice your disguise skills - plants, dinosaurs, mud puddles. If you can hide from the dinosaurs, you've got your disguise down."
===January 30===
*G: "Creating disturbances in the past could cause temporal paradoxes to occur. Agents, keep an eye out for any changes and remember to step lightly."
===February 6===
*G: "Our trip to the past was a success! The Forest changed but didn't have any negative effects. We'll need to observe the Iceberg for changes still."
===February 13===
*G: "An arcade machine has gone missing from the Lounge. There is a 27.84% chance it will explode if plugged in. Inform me if anyone sees it."
===February 20===
*Rookie: "Hey! I'm sure the Director wouldn't mind if everyone took a break and tried out some of the rides at the Fair! Cause they're AMAZING!"
===February 27===
*Director: "Repairs to the Indestructible Containment Environment took longer than expected. The Command Room will be fully functional again next week."
===March 6===
*G: "Great news agents! The Command Room is fully operational. Try out the lockers, they're a 2000-series!"
===March 13===
*Rookie: "Hey Director, Rubber ducky and I were playing hide-and-seek. What's this encrypted file about?"
===March 20===
*Director: "Rookie. Report to my office immediately. Your Spy Phone privileges have been suspended."
===March 28===
*Jet Pack Guy: "Agents. We received a tip that the Museum may be targeted for a robbery. Let's increase our security. Stay sharp."
===April 3===
*Jet Pack Guy: "Rockhopper's coming in for an emergency stop. Get ready to aid the captain. We don't know what could be behind his dwindling supplies."
===April 10===
*Dot: "Get your puffle disguises together, agents. The party starts next week and we don't want precious pets to go missing. You never know where Herbert could be hiding."
===April 17===
*PH: "You guys are ACE! This puffle celebration is gonna be a hit! There's no sign of Herbert anywhere. Thanks for protecting these little critters!"
===April 24===
*Jet Pack Guy: "Agents, puffle tricks are a great way to train your pet. An elite agent needs an elite sidekick."
===May 1===
*Rookie: "Hey guys! The Director gave me back my Spy Phone privileges and the keys to Gary's lab so I can help him clean. Yay!!! What could possibly go wrong?!"
===May 8===
*G: "My trip to the future was successful, but I detected a Protobot power signature. We'll need to take more readings."
===May 15===
*Director: "We are going to the future, agents. Our priority is stopping Protobot. Good luck."
===May 22===
*G: "The time portal is active! You go ahead to the future while I maintain the portal. Otherwise, you won't be able to get back!"
===May 29===
*Director: "Agents! Ultimate Protobot is attacking in the future. We must stop him. Gary 3000's secret cannot fall into enemy hands."
===June 5===
*Jet Pack Guy: "Good flying, agents. Protobot is neutralized. Let's keep it that way."
===June 12===
*G: "Thanks to those agents that defeated Protobot. I'm going to analyze his parts at HQ. They're very advanced."
===June 19===
*Jet Pack Guy: "If you help with G's experiments at HQ, keep explosions to a minimum."
===June 26===
*Rookie: "JPG always says the EPF needs to stay in shape. So let's join the Penguin Cup! Yay baseball!"
===July 3===
*Director: "The Penguin Cup is secure in my office. It is a valuable asset. Also, I like it."
===July 10===
*G: "I've been experimenting with new modes of locomotion. And I don't mean trains. Bring any extra hot sauce to the HQ!"
===July 17===
*Rookie: "That cruise ship is HUGE! I was wandering around inside and lost my wrench. Anyone know where it is?"
===July 24===
*G: "Some minor setbacks have occurred with the Racer 3000s. Don't mind the explosions. Everything is on track for next week!"
===July 31===
*G: "Agents! I need your help testing my newest invention, the Racer 3000. Head to the Forts and tell me what you think!
===August 7===
*G: "Excellent work with the go-karts agents. With the addition of cream soda to the hot sauce mix, I'll be able to make them even faster!
===August 14===
*Rookie: "Heya agent buddies! We have visitors from Arandelle coming. Let's get the island ready. No villains, okay?! Or anvils… or cursed candy… or…"
===August 21===
*Rookie: "All this magic is so NEAT! I'm gonna read Garianna's magic book. I'm gonna show 'em how to become a unicorn puffle!"
===August 28===
*G: "Agents, if you observe a chicken puffle wearing a beanie, please report the location to HQ. Rookie may have enchanted himself…"
===September 4===
*Jet Pack Guy: "Reporting in. Klutzy spotted in the Wilds. Gonna track him to see where he's headed."
===September 11===
*Jet Pack Guy: "Agents! I have a confirmed sighting. Repeat, Klutzy found Herbert. This aint good."
===September 18===
*Director: "Agents. Watch for suspicious activity at the school. It may be Herbert's target."
===September 25===
*Rookie: "Heya! I almost got this school building thing figured. Did I miss anything?"
===October 2===
*Director: "Great job agents. The school is secure. Rookie is being briefed on proper project management."
===October 8===
*Jet Pack Guy: "No suspicious movement has been reported from Herbert. But Klutzy has been stealing pizza. Keep watch on the Pizza Parlor."
===October 16===
*Dot: "I'm going undercover to keep an eye on paranormal activities. The puffle fountain is a great hiding place."
===October 23===
*G: "There's something suspicious going on at the Puffle Hotel. Agents, your skills are needed to get to the bottom of this."
===October 30===
*Jet Pack Guy: "Submersible blueprints are missing from Gary's lab. Fish bits were discovered outside an air vent. This security breach is unacceptable."
===November 6===
*G: "At the Director's request, I'm cleaning up the lab. Keep an eye out for my missing sock!"
===November 14===
*Jet Pack Guy: "We need recon on the Migrator. Look through the telescope and report back!"
==2015==
===January 10===
*Rookie: "Heya! As communications lead, I wanna communicate that the sasquatch is super nice. He gave me a fish!"Despite being dated and listed as January 10, this message wasn't visible until several months later.
===March 5===
*Dot: "The talent show was a success! I disguised myself as several guest inanimate objects. Did any agents spot me?"
*Director: "Agents. Communications have been restored. If you see Rookie, tell him to visit my office. Immediately."Note that this message replaced the earlier one from Dot.
===March 12===
*G: "I've managed to restore all of our EPF systems. Mostly by turning them off and then on again."
===March 19===
*Director: "Agents. PH needs help. The EPF must solve the Great Puffle Mystery!"
===March 26===
*Director: "The Attic has reopened. The items inside may be clues to myths on the island. Study them carefully, agents."
===April 2===
*Rookie: "It's okay everyone! I found rubber ducky. We can stand down from the maroon alert."
===April 10===
*Jet Pack Guy: "Agents, we have a breach at the Docks. Secure that maze immediately."
===April 16===
*G: "I'm trying to callibrate the Spy Drills in the EPF Headquarters. I would appreciate agents giving them their best attempt this week!"
===April 23===
*Rookie: "It's Bring a Friend to Work week! You should invite a friend to check out the EPF HQ."
===April 30===
*Director: "After Bring a Friend to Work week, there is a new rule. All agents must confirm their friends are not polar bears in disguise. That is all."
===May 7===
*Rookie: "Heya agents. This month, introduce yourself to new recruits. I'm Rookie. It's my name and my rank! I'm the communications lead."
===May 14===
*G: "Greetings new agents! I'm G, the gadget specialist and tech lead."
===May 21===
*Director: "Agents. I organize missions and tell you what you need to know. I'm the Director."
===May 28===
*Jet Pack Guy: "The name's Jet Pack Guy. Tactical lead. Stay sharp, recruit."
===June 11===
*Rookie: "These training missions are SUPER tough. But don't worry. EPF agents always help each other! Now where do I put the belt...?"
===June 18===
*Dot: "The skills from the training missions will always be useful. Where do you think I learned how to make disguises out of anything?"
===June 25===
*Director: "The final training missions will show the meaning of our motto: Be Resourceful, Be Remarkable, Be Ready."
===July 1===
*Rookie: "Phew, training was hard. Time to relax with a pizza, extra fish!"
===July 9===
*Rookie: "Hi, I'd like to order a pizza. Hello? Um, oops, wrong number! ...Do you think I could still get that pizza?"
===July 16===
*Jet Pack Guy: "Take good care of your equipment, agent. Jetpacks should be cleaned at least three times a day."
===July 23===
*G: "I'll be in the lab today. Don't mind the explosions."
===July 29===
*Director: "New rule, agents: No explosions in the evening. Some of us are trying to sleep."
===August 6===
*Dot: "Just a heads up, I'll be Dot the Design Gal in the next Club Penguin Times. That's my new civilian cover!"
===August 13===
*Jet Pack Guy: "Looking for some tactical training? Go to the Lounge above the Dance Club. Take out that Melmonst!"
===August 20===
*Director: "Agents, do you own a puffle with spy skills? Bring any Elite Puffle Force candidates to the Puffle Park and put them through their paces."
===August 27===
*Dot: "The Fashion Festival is on. I'm going to practice my disguise skills with those fashion challenges. You never know what a mission will require."
===September 3===
*Jet Pack Guy: "A jet pack is the only fashion accessory an EPF agent needs."
===September 10===
*Rookie: "Darn it! Turns out wearing a Herbert outfit in EPF headquarters is frowned upon. So much for my entry to the fashion challenge."
===September 17===
*Director: "Unusual activity has been detected at the school. Go undercover and infiltrate it, agent!"
===September 24===
*Rookie: "I've got intel that the Anniversary Party starts on Oct. 1! Let's find out if there's cake!"
===October 1===
*Director: "No one will compromise the 10th Anniversary Party. Not while we protect the island!"
===October 8===
*Director: "Thank you, agents, for all the unnoticed work that you do. Stay vigilant."
===October 15===
*G: "I don't want to cause alarm, but my robots are behaving VERY oddly. Please report back with any theories!"
===October 22===
*G: "Do NOt worRY! evERythinG is Fine… *BZZZT* No Robot proBLEms HerE…"
===October 28===
*G: "Attention agents! Our comm system was hacked by the robots. This is inconceivable! There's no way they could do that."
===November 1===
*G: "The comms equipment is going haywire! There's a disturbance in the atmosphere!"
===November 11===
*Jet Pack Guy: "I spotted Herbert. He's looking for Klutzy. What's that bear up to?"
===November 19===
*Director: "Top secret—Klutzy has been taken aboard the UFO. Keep up the Paint Fest cover story, agents."
===November 25===
*G: "I believe I can help the UFO, but I need to use this comms equipment. Signing off for now, agents!"
==Trivia==
*In her message on June 27th 2013, Dot makes a passive reference to Mike and Sully from Monsters, Inc. when she says to "go undercover in a one-eyed mask or furry monster suit".
*The Director seemingly makes a reference to Puffle Roundup in her September 19th 2013 message when she tells the player to round up the loose chicken puffles.
==Notes==
Category:EPF