Diversionary Tactics

NOTE: combines "Stalling", "Diverting", "Stashing", and "Maneuvers"
Date/Timing: 16 January 2019
Setting: The Shed; Vaucluse, NSW, Australia
.
Derek takes a deep breath, counts two, exhales, knocks on Jamie's door.
"Hey, kid," he chirps. "What's up?"
"I-I need some advice."
Jamie sets aside his tablet, leans back in his chair. "C'mon in and tell me about it."
Derek perches on the edge of Jamie's bed. "Well ...." Swallows. "Cadet Hansen won't finish packing so they can move walls tomorrow."
"I half-expected the kid to've moved 'em by himself already."
Derek chuckles weakly.
"Pietr's tried?"
"Y-yea. No good."
"Huh. You know what's got him stuck?"
"'s stuff he wants put in storage from, uh, when he was smaller. Other Jaegers."
"Ah ... the /Lady Danger shrine he totally never had. Doesn't wanna be caught with it now that the SE is almost officially his, ay?"
"Mmhmm." Swallows. "'m pretty sure he, uh, doesn't want my ... them to s-see it."
"Ah. So we need to get the troublemakers outta the building for a bit."
"Y-yea." Deep breath. "Can you help?"
Jamie smirks. "I've got just the thing." Snickers. "Been saving it for a special day."
"Umm ...."
"Don't worry, if they're gonna get mad at someone, it'll be me."
"O-okay. Th-thanks, Jamie."
"You're very welcome, kid." He pushes to his feet, straightens his tie. "I'll go put things in motion; you go put your packing clothes on."
Derek smiles weakly, pushes off, creeps over to his room and shuts the door.
Jamie shakes his head, addresses the air, "'ey, AGNIS?"
""Officer Walker?""
"Are my boys in their suite where they should be?"
""Yes, and they are even engaged in consuming media aimed at male-identified people half their chronological ages.""
"Perfect! Thank you, Your Omniscience."
""You're welcome, Officer Sneaky.""
Jamie snickers. "Now, may I abuse your omnipotence to coordinate transport and security for my Rangers, extend invitations and offers of transport to Ms Cameryn to join them and Ms Nate to join me at that ... purple place near the city center?"
""The purple place,"" drawls AGNIS.
"With the lights? And the multiple levels? And those really fruity drinks that hit like sledgehammers?"
""Ah, /that purple place.""
"You're the best. Let me know when the ladies reply, please."
""Of cou—""
"Cam messaged you back, ay?"
""Ms Lapasa says she will meet your Rangers as soon as she reassembles herself from the pile of sparkles to which your most kind offer reduced her.""
Jamie chuckles. "Thanks, AGNIS."
""You are once again welcome. I will ping your mobile when Ms Barclay-Harvey replies.""
"Awesome." Jamie drafts a quick email, ambles out of his room, out of the suite, through the corridors, and into the Team Vulcan Ranger rooms. "Oi! Homebodies! Make yourselves presentable! You're going out!" he hollers.
"Buzz off, Walker," grumbles Logan, pausing the playback and slouching deeper into the sofa cushions.
Jackson grunts.
Jamie leans over the back of the couch between them, drawls, "Ohhh, riiiiight. Tonight's /Sunshiney Rainbow Friends and your little slumber party with the Makeout Club. Ye wouldn't wanna miss that, now." Pushes off. "Sorry to bother you; I'll cancel the reservations."
Logan and Jackson exchange glances, sigh, and heave themselves off the sofa.
Jackson trudges—
""Put on shirts with collars~!""
Logan stops mid-step, doubles back.
""You want to blend in, right?""
Jackson shuts himself in his room.
Logan stomps by; his door slams.
A smoke-grey shirt, his lightweight heather green jumper, a tooth-brushing, and having poked his hair more or less into shape later, Jackson drags himself back to the common area, flops on the couch.
Logan drags an eye over him, wrinkles his nose. "You look like a teacher."
Jackson sniffs. "You look like an undertaker in all that black."
Jamie strolls up, wolf-whistles. "Always forget how well you two clean up."
Logan makes an appropriately obscene gesture.
"Best behaviour, boys: no repeat of the last time we let you out without my supervision."
Jackson frowns. "You're not coming?"
"I have another commitment," says Jamie, then smirks—
Jackson checks Logan in his peripheral; Logan looks as suspicious as Jackson feels.
—"Let's get going." Bows them toward the door.
Out they go.
"AGNIS?" calls Jamie.
""Initiating Phase Two,"" she replies, sending the queued email, commandeering a webcam, and watching as Chuck sighs into his hand, standard three-Jaeger formations dancing across his tablet.
Max snores under the desk.
The screen suddenly flashes red.
Chuck startles, nudges—
Max whuffs, waddles out of kicking range.
""You have mail. You now have a proper excuse for procrastination,"" drawls AGNIS.
Chuck grumbles his way into his email.
From: James Walker, Handler (V-JWAL_409.21-T@ppdc.mil)
To: Charles Hansen, Cadet (P-CHAN_512.66-D@ppdc.mil)
Subject: Tonight
Your favourite Rangers will be out of the 'Dome until curfew and I happen to know you
a) value loyalty to one's team and no one else's
and
b) own at least two tshirts in a specific blue-orange palette.
If you wanna get stuff gone without heckling, tonight's your night!
- Walker
Chuck frowns. Then he shrugs, takes his mobile out, texts away.
chuck_hansen: My room asap!
chuck_hansen: Bring boxes
The response is immediate.
derek_jones: Rt away sir
Chuck preens, pushes back from his desk.
chuck_hansen: How's the homework?
p_a_vos: >_<
chuck_hansen: I'll help later
p_a_vos: NO!!!
p_a_vos: Gotta learn
Chuck rolls his eyes.
chuck_hansen: We're a team
p_a_vos: Nice try
p_a_vos: Gonna do it myslf
p_a_vos: U finish pckng
Chuck scowls—
Doorbell!
—darts to the suite door, flings it open.
The Squire, clutching a bunch of flattened cardboard boxes.
"Get in here," barks Chuck,
Squire squeaks, trips inside—
Chuck snorts.
—trails Chuck to his room.
Max woofs a greeting, wags his tail.
"You're gonna help me pack."
"Y-yessir."
"You better not tell anyone ... or else," growls Chuck.
The Squire cringes, mumbles, "'a course, s-sir."
Chuck slides open one of the drawers under the bed.
Stuff in /Danger royal, /Lucky khaki, and /Triton navy peeps out.
Squire works a roll of tape off his wrist, pops open and secures the [bottom of a box].
"Should probably just bin the clothes," mutters Chuck.
"Umm ... 'scuse me, sir?"
"Yea?"
"May ...." Squire swallows. "Maybe Pietr's family can use them?"
Chuck considers, shrugs. "Doesn't hurt t' ask, I guess."
chuck_hansen: Yr family use some kids clothes?
Chuck sorts tops, bottoms, and outerwear into separate piles, starts in the second drawer.
/bweeet
p_a_vos: Sure!!!
p_a_vos: Thnk u!!!
p_a_vos: ^u^
Chuck huffs, tucks the mobile away. "Right, then."
The Squire attends.
"All the clothes go to Pietr's people. Books and posters into storage." Chews his lip. "I'll sort the rest."
"Yessir." Squire lifts a handful of tees and tucks them into a standard shipping box.
"Why'd you bring shipping supplies? You knew I was moving," Chuck challenges.
"Y-you just a-asked for boxes, sir, so I-I brought a few of each kind."
Chuck deflates, grunts.
Squire swallows, packs some /Danger blue pajama pants.
Max inspects the half-full box.
"Outta there, boy," Chuck chides.
Max woffles, picks his way around the piles, plops next to Chuck on the floor.
Chuck scratches his ears, contemplates three chibi Jaeger plushies.
Max pants happily.
Squire tapes the first box closed, assembles a second.
Chuck sighs, texts again.
chuck_hansen: How bout toys?
p_a_vos: OMG YES!!!
p_a_vos: Yr teh bestest uncle evar!!!
p_a_vos: <3
Chuck's face heats, so he grumbles, "Pass me a shipping one."
Squire does.
Chuck dumps the plushies in.
Poster tubes (covered in splashes of /Danger and /Lucky and a couple of /Coyote) to storage.
Adds boxed models of the Mark I series to the plushies.
Reconsiders, shifts /Lucky and /Coyote to the storage queue.
A couple of unused colouring books enter the shipping box.
/Danger model to storage.
Chuck contemplates the two empty drawers.
"Is that everything, sir?"
"Yea," sighs Chuck. "You'll take care of it?"
"Yessir." Tapes the remaining boxes.
Chuck rubs his neck. "You need help carrying 'em?"
Squire startles. "N-no, sir. I have a handtruck outside."
"I meant lifting 'em."
"I c-can manage, sir. Th-thank you." He stands, hoisting the heaviest of the storage boxes, shuffles for the door. "B-but, if you could, umm ...."
Chuck pushes to his feet, gets the bedroom door—
"Thank you."
—and the suite door.
Squire stacks the boxes one-by-one, puffing a little when he's done. "I-is there anything else I can do fer you?"
"Nah. I'm good." A beat. "Thanks."
Squire brightens a little. "You're welcome, sir. See you in the morning."
Chuck acknowledges.
Squire and boxes trundle off.
AGNIS says, ""Cadet Hansen, your tactics homework, which, I must inform you, is most certainly /not pointless, awaits.""
The active P-CHAN_512.66-D chips drag themselves into their room, and AGNIS notes almost a minute has passed since R-JJON_689.18-G's request, so ....
""Mx Lapasa, we both said a number of things that you're going to regret. But I think we can put our difference behind us. For the programme. You monster.""
Piercings /shrieks with delight and nearly falls off her chair. 
Jackson sighs, tucks his mobile away. 
"[Holy /crap], an AI of that caliber—that is {just} so insanely cool—combined with a Vantablack Jaeger—like, seriously, /Vantablack? Fucking /awesome—"
You've said, Piercings, like, eight times—
A familiar face.
A familiar face who can help.
Oh thank Jack's lucky tribble socks.
Logan pushes to his feet—"I've got this round."—makes tracks for the bar, places the order, taps the little brunette on the shoulder.
.
"Uh oh," breathes Jamie, sitting up straighter.
Nate watches him over the rim of her drink. "That would not seem to be a good noise."
"Possible hitch in our evening's entertainment."
She follows his gaze, drawls, "Oh yes, Ace talking to a person in a short dress. Quite the problem, Walker, best sound the alarm."
"Exactly," murmurs Jamie. "Com/pletely out of character." Shifts the sheer curtain guarding the balcony, snaps a picture with his mobile.
jaywalker: [photograph.jpg]
jaywalker: Who's tlkn to logan?
AGNIS: I will happily perform a time-consuming facial analysis on your blurry snap.
AGNIS: It's not as though I have a major military installation to run.
jaywalker: Thx!
jaywalker: Ur the best <3
"Since your charge is almost certainly not looking for a tryst, what do you suspect for a motive?"
"Nothing good," grumbles Jamie.
.
The brunette blinks up at him, breaks into a warm(ish) smile. "Well, I'll be. My former favourite pickpocket."
"'ey, Lamb," greets Logan.
"It's been a while, eh, Kitten?"
"Four years, six months, twenty-seven days."
"I must be really special to you if you remember the date."
Logan waves it off. "'s a curse. Listen, I need you to do something for me."
"No 'how're you doing?', 'how's the family?', 'what've you been up to?'" Lamb pouts.
"No time. I need to get me and my brother away from Piercings over there before she talks us to death."
"You poor babies."
Logan rolls his eyes. "Consider it patriotic service."
"Like that's an inducement," she scoffs. "Why don't you just walk away?"
"Idiot brother's too—" Makes a disgusted face. "—/polite for that."
She snorts, points out, "You could start a fight."
"Police. Commanders. PR people. It's a whole ordeal and I don't need it."
Lamb snickers. "Well, I don't do anything for free—"
Logan does not sigh.
"—so what's your offer?"
He thinks a moment, then grins. "Date with my brother." Jerks a thumb over his shoulder.
Lamb peers around him, considers. "Deal."
"Awe/some."
"Gimme your mobile number."
Logan dictates.
Lamb taps in the contact, slips her mobile into her purse. "You collect your drinks, go back like nothing's up. I'll take it from there."
Logan grins, flicks a salute.
.
Jamie's phone squawks. "/Please have good news for me."
""The conventionally attractive person conversing with the Ranger is identified in law enforcement databases—""
Jamie pinches the bridge of his nose.
""—as Alica Jane Simoi, she-her-hers. Her police record is as long as your proverbial arm and consists largely of convictions for fraud and theft.""
Jamie exhales. "Okay, that's not—"
""And—I almost forgot, silly me—two long probationary terms for unlawful restraint.""
"Fuuuuuck."
""Language, Officer.""
Jamie disconnects, scrubs a hand down his face.
"Bad news?"
"She's a criminal—" Deep breath. "—who likes to tie people up."
Nate hums.
"What're you thinking?"
"I think I should introduce myself. Perhaps I could learn something from her."
Jamie rolls his eyes.
.
Logan, beers in hand, strolls to the table, passes one to Piercings. 
There's not even a hiccup in her babble.
Jack accepts his with a sigh.
Logan sits, whispers in Jack's ear, "Whatever happens next, go with it."
Jack grunts, swigs.
""'scuse me~!"" Lamb insinuates herself between Jack and Piercings.
Jack scoots closer to Logan.
"We were talking," huffs Piercings.
Lamb leans closer. "I know and I'm /so sorry, but I just /have to know where you got that pendant. I've been looking all /over for an onyx and that thing is—" Gently brushes the back of Piercings' hand. "—/gorgeous."
Piercings blinks rapidly, cogs grinding as she tries to shift mental gears. "Ah ... what?"
Lamb giggles—
Jack goes a little heart-eyed.
Logan kicks his ankle.
—says, "I really like your necklace."
"Oh." Piercings beams. "Cool!"
"Where did you get it?"
"Oh, um, at this little vendor at an open market—"
"Before you go on, can I sit down? My feet are /killing me."
"Oh, here, have my chair," says Jack, hopping to his feet.
"Thanks, sweetie," coos Lamb, settling in. Back to Piercings. "Now ... you said something about an open market?"
"Yea! Off Circular Quay once a quarter. They have the /best—"
Logan glides to his feet and tows Jack out the door as fast as he can without looking suspicious.
{Blessed freedom!}
.
"Well, that scene went totally Helena Handbasket." Jamie drops his head to the table.
Nate chuckles, "Mx Handbasket is certainly entertaining."
Jamie grumbles.
"Were you just out-maneuvered by, what did you call them? 'A closeted nerd and an amoral hooligan'?"
Jamie groans.
.
Logan hangs up the payphone, says, "Driver should be here in five."
"Cool, cool." Rubs his neck. "So, uh, who's our knight in the little black dress?"
"Someone I know from back in the day."
"They owed you one?"
"Nah. Had to promise her something." Rocks on his heels. "Specifically, a date with you."
Jack gapes. "You—A da—/What?!"
"Remember when I told you I knew a chick who could do the cherry stem thing?"
"What does—?"
"That's her."
Jack turns pink. "Oh. Umm, thanks?" 
"Welcome."
.
[Nate pats Jamie's head. "There there, honey. You're simply having a bad day."
Jamie drags his head up, glowers, lets it flop back down.
"I'm certain you'll find a way to turn this situation to your advantage."
Jamie pops up, grinning like a shark.
"That didn't take long," Nate drawls.
"Easy-peasy when you're dealing with a closeted nerd and an amoral hooligan." Out comes his mobile. "AGNIS, would you call a car for us, please?"
""A request for transport has been submitted. I will alert you when it arrives.""
"You're the best."
""I know.""
Jamie rolls his eyes. "You're humble. I like that about you."
""Flattery will earn you no favours.""
"Of course not." Leans back. "While I have you, did my roomie complete his mission?"
AGNIS checks the progress of V-DJON_501.10-U and notes he and the storage boxes have reached the Team SE Quartermasters' area.
The handtruck clatters over the threshold and Derek cringes at the noise.
The Quartermasterling behind the front desk looks up from a tablet, greets, "You're working late."
Derek shrugs. "I'm, uh, always on call."
The Quartermasterling smiles warmly. "Wow! You're a crew chief already?"
"N-no, just a squire. I kinda suck—"
"You're the squire?!"
Derek startles.
"That's so /shiny! You're /my age!" 
"Uh, okay?"
"Oh! I'm Piper, she-her-hers." Bows.
Derek manages something like one. "Derek Jones, he-him-his."
"Please to meet ye!" Beams.
Derek ducks his head.
"Sooo ... what do you have for me here?"
"Two boxes for storage an' three for shipping overseas."
Piper pokes at her tablet. "Another 'Dome?"
"Private residence."
"Cool, cool. Have the address handy?"
"It—they sh-should go to Cadet Vos' home 'n South Africa. 's in WholeMaster."
"Gotcha." Piper pokes away. "And the storage stuff?"
"'s Cadet Hansen's."
Piper hums, taps, and the printer under the counter whirs to life. She ducks, reappears with a strip of sticky labels, and steps around the counter. "Put these—" Tears off a few squares and passes them to Derek. "—on the storage ones."
Derek does.
"Thanks. I'll take it from here."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome." Piper shifts her feet. "So, umm, when's your next free day?"
Derek blinks.
Piper jazz hands. "Just—maybe—just thinking maybe I could show you around? Since you're new here? Not being /creepy or anything!"
"Th-thanks, but I already know the place pr-pretty well." Shuffles feet. "Still need to finish unpacking, too."
Piper slumps a little. "Aww, that's too bad. Guess I'll be seeing you around, though?"
"Uh huh." Sketches a wave. "Thanks, again."
"You're welcome," sighs Piper.
Derek heads for his suite and, after the second turn, his mobile /pings.
AGNIS: You are of course aware Officer Fossey was flirting with you.
Derek stumbles to a halt.
AGNIS: Take a deep breath for me, Officer.
He does.
AGNIS: 'Flirting' is a perfectly normal part of growing up.
AGNIS: Other people will sometimes find you attractive and attempt to seduce you.
Derek squeaks, blushes scarlet.
AGNIS: It can be a scary experience.
Derek regroups, resumes walking.
derek_jones: I've been on dates b4
AGNIS: I shall spare you the rest of the 'birds and bees' talk, then.
derek_jones: Thks.
AGNIS: You're welcome. Please let me know if you require a refresher.
Derek snorts—
derek_jones: Sure.
—puts away his mobile and finishes his trip without further interruption. There, he shuts himself in his room, changes to sleepwear, pops in his earbuds, and settles in bed to read with some music.
He startles—smacks his mobile to pause the playback—relaxes] when it's only the doorbell. He shuffles across the suite, cheeks the peephole—tries to breathe his heart rate back to normal.
It's Jack and Logan. At the door. Wanting to come in.
""Derek, I know you're in there. Open the door,"" calls Jack.
Breathe in.
""Please?""
Breathe out.
""We're here to see Jamie, Mouse. You don't even need to /look at us.""
Derek takes three deep breaths, unlocks and swings open the door.
"Hey," says Jack, stepping inside.
"H-hey," greets Derek and then he slinks back to his room, closes and locks [up behind himself].
Jackson sighs.
"Can totally feel the brotherly love, ay?" Logan heads for the couch. "AGNIS, start the next movie in my queue, please."
""Loading /Tangled.""
"That's not on my list you—"
""You should learn to take a joke, Ranger,"" sniffs AGNIS. ""Loading your 'drama' of choice.""
Logan grumbles.
Jackson flops onto the couch beside him, half-watches James Bond run around for a while.
Both of them attend the door when the bolt /snecks.
"Shut it down, AGNIS," says Logan.
The screen blacks out just as James steps inside, greets, "Hello, gents! How was your evening?"
"What the hell was that, Walker?" demands Jackson.
Jamie strolls to a halt in front of the screen, leans on it, hands tucked behind his back. "You don't look drunk enough to be having memory problems."
"Piercings, asswipe."
"Cam?"
"Yea, her."
"She's an old friend of mine." Beams. "Knows a lot about Jaegers, doesn't she?"
Logan growls.
"We couldn't get a word in for almost an hour!"
"Seventy-two minutes, actually," mutters Logan.
"/More than an hour and AGNIS kept blocking our messages to the driver and security!"
"You weren't in any danger."
"'side from being talked to death."
Jamie scoffs.
Jackson slouches back, crosses his arms. "What's your angle, Walker?"
"Why do I need an angle?"
Logan rolls his eyes. "Because you're /you."
"I [got] nothing [out of it], but—" Jamie snickers. "—I believe you two [came out ahead?]"
Jackson looks at Logan.
Logan frowns, looks at Jamie.
Jamie sighs. "You—" Nods to Logan. "—got to see an old friend and you—" Nods to Jackson. "—scored a hot date."
Jackson's ears burn and he swallows.
Jamie smirks. "Shall I make arrangements for you to treat Ms Simoi for an evening of fine dining and pleasant diversions? Say, next Friday, if she's available?"
"Sure," croaks Jackson.
"Your wish is my command." Salutes, steps—turns back. "Now, you gents are welcome to the couch, screen, and kitchen, but I need to count some sheep. If you'll excuse me ...." Bobs his head, strolls to his room, shuts the door.
He's working on his tie when the suite door opens, then closes.
Jamie grins. "Those two are sooooo easy—"
""When you have my help, of course.""
"Of course, doll."
""Must I file /another report of sexual harassment, Officer?""
"My sincerest apologies, AGNIS."
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