Equally Devious

Equally Devious
told by
Brian Barnett
My mamaw was always the sort of story-teller in the family. She had the reputation of bringing everyone up to date on the news, be it family news or otherwise. Papaw was the big jokester. Everyone expected him to jump out of dark places or to hide around corners to grab your ankle as you walk past.
Nobody expected that of mamaw. She was too reserved, too much of a lady… That was a good illusion on her part. She was every bit as devious as papaw was. She was just a little more subtle about it.
I can’t tell you how many times we went to mamaw and papaw’s house. A lot of times papaw would fire up the grill (I miss those days) and we would have burgers. As a young child, I HATED onions and tomatoes. I made my burger with mustard and pickles and nothing else.
Almost every time that I sat my plate down, I realized that I had forgotten my drink. Each subsequent time after the first, the mistake may have been unconsciously on purpose just so her evil deed could be done. But anyway, I’d go to the refrigerator and grab either a can of diet Pepsi or a bottle of Sprite and I’d return to the table.
She was VERY smooth. She’d just sit there as if nothing had happened. She could sit there quietly for forever if necessary, I’m convinced. But eventually I would take a bite of my burger. EVERY time she would get me. She slipped either an onion a tomato or both on my burger and I’d be none-the-wiser until that first bite.
Of course I would cringe and she’d crack up laughing. That was her little game…
She was also a fry thief. If you had McDonald’s, count on it. At least one of your fries was as good as gone. She was known to walk relatively slow due to her bad hip, but her hands still had the speed, reflexes and dexterity of lightning.
If nothing else, she was a master accomplice. More than one time she remained either silent or carried on with business as usual when she KNEW papaw was waiting either behind the counter or at the end of the hall. She laughed every bit as hard as he did when he finally jumped out and scared you.
Sure, mamaw was the more reserved, quiet yet talkative one. But in a way, she was also the more devious of the two pranksters. Anyone that cool and calculated has to be watched closely.
Category:Stories from the Barnett Family
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