Writer's Block

Writer's Block is the first episode of Season One of SpongeBob SquarePants and a Gallon of Milk.
==Transcript==
[The episode opens with a shot of Bikini Bottom, the precious little underwater town that we all know incredibly well.]
French Narrator: Bonjour my friends. Or as you English people say, hello my friends. As you can see, we are in the lovely town of Bikini Bottom, where the sky is blue and the sea lion roars.
[Cut to a suburban area, where various fish citizens are taking walks and driving in their boats.]
French Narrator: And here we see, as the funny words said right above me, the suburban area; where we can find functioning members of society…
[A grime-covered SpongeBob SquarePants jumps up from inside a manhole.]
SpongeBob: I'm ready!
French Narrator: …and SpongeBob SquarePants.
[SpongeBob shakes all of the grime off of himself.]
SpongeBob: Why use a boat when you can just take the sewer canals? [signature laugh] Anyways, the club should be right around…
[He bumps into a rundown, cheap, dirty-looking hut. A green wooden sign displays the words "MERMAID MAN FANON CLUB" right above the entrance.]
SpongeBob: Here! (he smells the stench of greasy, sweaty 30 year olds who live in their mother's basement) Ahhh… the smell of culture.
[He puts on the club's signature uniform - a tin foil hat - and heads inside the building. We see various greasy, sweaty 30 year old men who probably do, in fact, live in their mothers' basements, talking amongst themselves. They are sitting down on cardboard boxes haphazardly painted to resemble chairs. We see the club's leader - Bubble Bass, who is wearing a crappy Mermaid Man Halloween costume - get up on a makeshift stage made out of cardboard.]
Bubble Bass: Attention, fellow virgins!
[The crowd quiets down.]
Bubble Bass: Welcome to the 319th meeting of the Mermaid Man Fanon Club. Before we begin our routines for the day, I'd like for us all to stand up and recite our club mantra.
[The crowd, including SpongeBob, stands up and puts one hand in the air.]
All: The government can't force us to get vaccinated.
Bubble Bass: Thank you. Now please sit down so I feel more important.
[The crowd does so.]
Bubble Bass: Now then, I'd just like to remind you all that your fanfiction-writing project is due tomorrow. If you haven't handed it in yet, I'd highly suggest doing so. Another reminder, whoever's fanfiction I find the sexiest- I MEAN BEST! Whoever's fanfiction I find the best will not only earn the honour of being framed on my wall, but the author will get promoted to "Unofficial Official Elite Mermaid Man Fanfiction Writer". So… look forward to that.
SpongeBob: (thinking) I need that title. I need it more than I've ever needed anything in my whole entire life!
Bubble Bass: I'd like to give a special thanks to our Discord mods: MermaidManSmutLover, Fry-Banshee139, and S@ndyP0rnAdd!ct, for keeping our online community safe. Please give them a round of applause.
[The crowd applauds.]
Bubble Bass: And also, I have some bad news, comrades. Our only female member left the club after receiving "sexual hair-ass-mint" from our community.
[The disappointed crowd boos and hisses.]
Bubble Bass: I know, it's really sad, but we'll learn to move on. Who knows, maybe we'll lure in more women in the future. Moving on, I got a victory royale in Fortnite the other day, and I thought it was really cool so I wanted to tell you all.
[The crowd applauds him.]
Bubble Bass: I also ate a chocolate cake today, and let me tell you, it was delicious.
[Time card: One Sad Incel Meetup Later…]
[We see SpongeBob heading back to his pineapple home after the club's meetup.]
SpongeBob: That was a FANTASTIC meetup! I learned all sorts of wonderful new things, like how Bubble Bass thinks minorities are overrated! …if only I knew what that meant.
[He opens the door and heads inside his house.]
SpongeBob: Ah, what an incredibly productive day.
[He suddenly remembers the fanfiction writing project.]
SpongeBob: Oh, shrimp! I still haven't finished my episode of The Silly Adventures of Barnacle Boy! I need to finish that ASAP!
[He darts upstairs to his library, which happens to have a designated writing desk. SpongeBob quickly sits down.]
SpongeBob: Now then… it's time for me to write.
[He stares at the paper for a bit.]
SpongeBob: Ah, one small problem. I don't know what to write.
[Boowomp.]
SpongeBob: Oh, I know! I'll just get some inspiration from my nautical friends! I'm sure ol' Bubble Bass won't mind.
[Cut to SpongeBob inside Patrick's rock.]
Patrick: So what you're saying is… you need to write fanfiction for your geeky club, and you came to me for help?
SpongeBob: I'm desperate.
Patrick: Well I don't know what to tell you, but I don't think you'll get any good advice from me.
SpongeBob: Oh, well… that's fine. Thanks anyways.
Patrick: But I do have these really cool tacos I want you to see! (He points towards a bookshelf filled with books)
SpongeBob: Aha, that's perfect! I can just read some of your books and get inspiration from them!
Patrick: Wait don't you have books at your house–
SpongeBob: Ah, here's one.
[SpongeBob takes out The Bible from Patrick's bookshelf. Pause.]
SpongeBob: Uhh, Pat, I didn't know you were a Christian.
Patrick: Me neither.
SpongeBob: Right, then. I'm just gonna…
[He puts The Bible back on the bookshelf and takes out a shady-looking Mermaid Man comic book.]
SpongeBob: Here we go, a Mermaid Man comic! This'll surely help me.
[He begins reading the comic, with his expression becoming less bright and more disturbed for every panel he looks at.]
SpongeBob: Oh. Oh dear. Dear Neptune, wha– why is she touching his– Patrick, why do you have this??
Patrick: I got it at this cool adults-only shop. It looked pretty interesting and unlike any Mermaid Man issue I've ever seen!
SpongeBob: I see… (he puts the erotica back on the shelf) Well, your taste in literature is a little too… colorful for me. Thanks for trying to help, but I think I'll go ask someone else.
Patrick: Suit yourself, buddy.
[SpongeBob gets up and leaves the house.]
Patrick: Well, while I'm here, I might as well do some reading of my own. 
[Patrick takes out a book and begins reading the cover, before recoiling in shock.]
Patrick: MR. KRABS DID WHAT WITH A CORPSE?!
[Cut to SpongeBob knocking at Squidward's door. The latter opens it, unimpressed.]
Squidward: SpongeBob. What a surprise.
SpongeBob: Squidward Squidward Squidward!! I need assistance.
Squidward: Something stupid, I assume? Look, I don't have time for thi–
SpongeBob: (quickly) I need to write a Mermaid Man fanfiction for the Mermaid Man Fanon club and I'm trying to write The Silly Adventures of Barnacle Boy but I don't know what to write so I asked Patrick for help but he didn't have any good books for me to take inspiration from so I came to you because you have such high class and you're surely knowledgeable in literature and–
Squidward: SLOW DOWN!
[SpongeBob stops speaking.]
Squidward: Okay, I want you to calmly and slowly tell me what you need from me.
SpongeBob: (calmly) I need to write Mermaid Man fanfiction but I don't know what to write.
Squidward: Wait wait wait… Mermaid Man fanfiction?
SpongeBob: Yeah.
Squidward: (in his thoughts) Now Squiddy, that may sound completely pathetic, but you're not one to shame other people's interests.
Squidward: Well, uh… that's a pretty… interesting piece of literature you're writing, SquarePants. The only advice I can give you is… write whatever comes to mind.
SpongeBob: Huh?
Squidward: Yeah, you heard me. Write down whatever you think of and make it fit somehow.
SpongeBob: But how am I gonna write down whatever comes to mind if nothing comes to mind?
Squidward: Pfft, I dunno. Just think of… whatever, really.
SpongeBob: Hm, sounds like solid advice.
Squidward: It isn't, I have no idea what I'm talking about.
SpongeBob: Well, it's not like I have any better ideas, so I'm just gonna do that. Thanks, Squidward.
Squidward: Yeah… no problem.
[Squidward shuts the door and SpongeBob runs back to his house. Cut back to the library, where SpongeBob has finished writing his masterpiece.]
SpongeBob: Finally, I'm done. Now to re-read it, just to make sure it's good and all.
the silly adventures of barnacle boy
by spongebob squarepants ♡
Barnacle Boy: Mermaid Man, there's pink fluffy unicorns in the sky.
Mermaid Man: You are right, my young ward.
Barnacle Boy: The clouds look just like cotton candy.
Mermaid Man: That is also true.
Barnacle Boy: The Dirty Bubble and Man Ray are doing the Macarena.
Mermaid Man: You are correct.
Barnacle Boy: And the sky is falling!
Mermaid Man: Can't argue with that.
(Barnacle Boy wakes up in his bed.)
Barnacle Boy: I knew I shouldn't have had that leftover meatloaf.
(What a twist!)
end
SpongeBob: (signature laugh) What a silly adventure Barnacle Boy just had! This one's a winner for sure.
[Time card: One Day Later…]
[Cut to SpongeBob eagerly jumping in his seat in suspense while Bubble Bass gets ready to announce the winner of the fanfiction-writing contest.]
Bubble Bass: Good evening, incels. As you know, today is the day I announce the winner of the fanfiction-writing contest. You all wrote some great fanfiction – some better than others – but as you all know, there can only be one winner.
SpongeBob: (in his mind) It's me. It's gotta be me!
Bubble Bass: I read every single fanfiction you guys handed in, and there were lots of good ones, but there was only one that truly got me intrigued.
SpongeBob: (in his mind) It's mine.
Bubble Bass: This fanfiction was stellar. It broke the barrier of what fanfictions could be…
SpongeBob: (in his mind) Yes…
Bubble Bass: It was beautiful from start to finish…
SpongeBob: (in his mind) Yes!
Bubble Bass: It even painted my walls white from how unbelievably erect my member got.
SpongeBob: (in his mind) …That's a little weird, but okay.
Bubble Bass: The winning fanfiction is…
[SpongeBob is sweating waterfalls.]
Bubble Bass: …"The Dirty Bubble Fucks Corpses"!
SpongeBob: YES! Wait, what?
Bubble Bass: That fanfiction… wow. You'd have to read it for yourself to see how arousing it is, but TOO BAD! It's for my eyes only. Can the author please come up on stage?
[The fish beside SpongeBob, a barracuda, goes on stage. I'm not gonna describe what he looks like, but since he's in the Mermaid Man Fanon Club, you can probably take a good guess.]
Bubble Bass: I'd like to award this man, Barry Cuda, for writing the greatest piece of literature I've ever laid eyes on. It's even better than Harry Potterfish!
Barry Cuda: Hi.
Bubble Bass: The part where the Dirty Bubble stalked Sandy Cheeks and killed her and then began to… ohh, that really got me going.
Barry Cuda: Hi.
Bubble Bass: Any words you'd like to share with the audience?
Barry Cuda: I have type 2 diabetes. The doctor says I have 2 weeks left.
[The audience, including Bubble Bass, but excluding SpongeBob, laughs.]
Bubble Bass: Oh, you sure know how to entertain us!
Barry Cuda: It's not a joke.
Bubble Bass: Can we get a round of applause for our Unofficial Official Elite Mermaid Man Fanfiction Writer (and my Official Smut Writer)?
[The audience claps. Even SpongeBob, who does so unenthusiastically.]
Barry Cuda: I want none of you at my funeral.
Bubble Bass: The meeting is over. All you losers can go home. As for Barry over here… I'm gonna get you to write so much smut!
Barry Cuda: I hate my life.
[Cut to SpongeBob crying all the way to his house.]
SpongeBob: (in-between tears) That should have been me… THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME!!
[Patrick walks up to the sorrowing sponge.]
Patrick: SpongeBob! What's the matter?
SpongeBob: My fanfiction didn't win…
Patrick: WHAT?? WHY NOT?!
SpongeBob: I guess Bubble Bass would have rather seen the Dirty Bubble… (gags) raping a corpse!
Patrick: Huh, just like Mr. Krabs in that book of mine.
SpongeBob: What?
Patrick: Nothing.
SpongeBob: Pat, what am I gonna do now? All of that work for nothing! Squidward would be so disappointed in me…
Patrick: Well, I've got an idea. You could always post it to the Mermaid Man Fanon Wiki!
SpongeBob: (sniff) The what now?
Patrick: The Mermaid Man Fanon Wiki? Come on, haven't you heard of it?
SpongeBob: No, no I haven't.
Patrick: Just make an account and post your fanfiction there!
SpongeBob: Well… what have I got to lose anyway? Worst case scenario, the users hate it so much they make me the hated user of the month and doxx me and SWAT my house and put me and my family and friends in danger.
Patrick: Exactly! And if you get extremely lucky, you could even get a Circle Logo Award!
SpongeBob: Wow, an actual award for making fanfiction?
Patrick: No it's not physical, it just gets slapped onto your fanfiction so other people know it's good.
SpongeBob: Awesome! …wait.
[Time Card: A Couple Of Months Later…]
[SpongeBob goes to the main page of the Mermaid Man Fanon Wiki. The Silly Adventures of Barnacle Boy is the featured spin-off of the month.]
SpongeBob: Friggin' sweet.
[The end.]
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