Something White Castle This Way Comes/Script

SOMETHING WHITE CASTLE THIS WAY COMES
By Ancy and Solo
The special starts with our heroes at JFK Airport. Ben, Ferrick, Baumann, Vilgax and Rook are helping Pan-Pizza unload his stuff from the Chimerian Minivan.
 
(Pan-Pizza): Thanks a lot for helping me guys, I really appreciate it.
(Ben): No problem, Pan. Hey, if I pay my own ticket, can I come with you?
(Pan-Pizza): I don’t see why you would want to accompany me to Donkey-Con. I mean, you’re not nearly as a big a donkey fan as I am. 
(Ben): What do you mean, I LOVE donkeys! He’s like my fourth favorite Shrek character. 
(Pan-Pizza): Well, I better hurry if I want to catch my flight. I’ll see you guys next week, and I promise I’ll bring some cool donkey merchandise with me!
(Baumann): Please don’t. 
Pan-Pizza rushes into the airport. While rushing, he brushes by a mysterious man. As they brush, the mysterious man injects a needle into his arm. Pan-Pizza shrugs it off and rushes towards his flight.
(Vilgax): I’m sure gonna miss him!
(Rook): But he never talks.
(Ben): And you do, which is exactly why we don’t miss you.
Rook cries. Then he gets a phone call.
(Rook): Hello, this is Rook Blonko. For all your carpeting/tour guide/babysitting/Bryan Cranston needs.
(Rayona): Rook, it’s me. The twins are trying to eat each other again, you should come over. I would deal with it myself, but, you know, I’m not a well written character. 
(Rook): Again? Fine. I’ll be right over. 
Rook hangs up.
(Rook): See you later, guys. I gotta catch a ship back to Revonnahgander.
Rook runs over to a hover-cab, but the driver locks the door so Rook can’t get in.
(Rook): Hey, what gives?
(Driver): I don’t serve no cat people. 
The driver drives away.
(Rook): DAMN RACIST! MARTIN LUTHER KITTY DIDN’T DIE FOR THIS! I’m gonna post this on my Tumblr, and you’ll be sorry when the social justice warriors come for you! 
(Ben): Man, I wanna go to Donkey-Con!
(Baumann): Then fly there with one of your million flying aliens.
(Ben): noooooooo
While our heroes make silly jokes, Stoon and Hipple watch them from afar. Hipple is wearing the same outfit as the mysterious man, revealing that he was the mysterious man. Stoon pulls out his phone. 
(Stoon): Hey, boss. Stoon here. Patient Zero has been infected. He’s just left the airport and is on his way to New York. 
(Faerkod [on phone]): Excellent. People from all over the world journey to that silly ‘Donkey-Con’. Once he spreads the disease, it won’t be long until the entire world is infected. Then, it’ll only be a matter of time until my boss rules the world! Nyeheheheheh!
INTRO THEME
Cut to Donkey-Con. Pan-Pizza is checking out some donkey comics at a booth while coughing a lot, when he notices a cute girl checking him out a couple of booths down. Pan walks over to the girl and starts checking out the comics at the booth.
(Pan-Pizza): So, uhh… You like donkeys, huh? 
(Cute Girl): Yeah! I have one at home, named Wendell. I’m really just here to buy some toys for him.
(Pan-Pizza): Wow, that’s cool! Ever since I was little I’ve wanted a donkey, but I can barely feed myself from my paycheck, let alone a donkey.
(Cute Girl): Yeah, they’re pretty expensive, but let me tell you, Wendell’s worth every penny I spend on him. He’s adorable and so sweet!
(Pan-Pizza): He sounds like a great donkey. You’re making me jealous here!
The cute girl holds Pan’s hand.
(Cute Girl): Well, how about you come home with me so you can meet him? We can even have some “fun” afterwards.
(Pan-Pizza): [seductive] I like the sound of that.
Pan and the cute girl walk out of the con. However, Pan notices a small collection of Kal Penn faces on his knee. He shrugs it off, and follows the cute girl out of the Kaufman Hotel (because cons are held at hotels amirite). 
Cut to Baumann eating some oatmeal at home, when Baumann Jr. comes home from school.
(Baumann Jr.): Dad, I’m home!
(Baumann): Hey, buddy! How was school?
(Baumann Jr.): It was rad! Melvin brought his DS to show and tell, and we traded Pokémon during lunch!
(Baumann): Way to go, pal! We still have some chicken soup left over from yesterday’s dinner, you want some?
(Baumann Jr.): Sure! Thanks, dad!
Baumann pets Junior on the head and goes to the kitchen to warm up the chicken soup.
(Baumann Jr.): Y’know, Shelly Erlbaum gave me kiss on the cheek. 
Baumann freezes up for a moment.
(Baumann): W-what?
(Baumann Jr.): Y’know, Shelly? She was my Secret Santa in third grade? I think she likes me. 
(Baumann): That’s…. That’s great for you, son.
(Baumann Jr.): Is there something wrong, dad?
(Baumann): No, no, everything’s fine. It’s just… It’s hard to think of someone else loving my baby boy, y’know? 
(Baumann Jr.): Don’t worry, dad. I don’t think I like Shelly back. She’s real bossy and she always eats all the chocolate chip cookies during snack time. 
(Baumann): What kind of fourth grade has show & tell and snack time?
(Baumann Jr.): I dunno. My point is that, even if someone else loves me, doesn’t mean that I’ll stop loving you, dad!
(Baumann): Awww. That’s my boy! C’mon, gimme a hug!
Baumann and Junior hug. That’s cute.
(Baumann Jr.): Hey dad, can I go play in the leaves outside?
(Baumann): Alright, but wear a coat! It’s chilly outside, and I don’t want you getting a cold. And be back in time for soup!
(Baumann Jr.): I will! Bye, dad!
Baumann Jr. puts on his coat and runs outside. Baumann watches him play through the window. 
3 DAYS LATER
Cut to Pan-Pizza waking up next to the cute girl from the con. Pan walks into the bathroom and takes a shower. In the shower, he notices that the Kal Penn faces on his knee have spread all over his leg, and some new Kal Penn faces have started growing on his other knee. Pan freaks out and tries to scrub them away with soap, but they won’t go away. Pan walks out of the shower, but his legs become weak and he almost falls over, holding on to the sink to stop his fall. He looks in the mirror, and upchucks into the sink. Suddenly, con girl starts knocking on the door.
(Cute Girl): Are you almost done in there? I need to take a pregnancy test. I gotta make sure I have your baby in me before I sue you for custody. 
(Pan-Pizza): Why would you sue me for custody if the baby isn’t even born yet?
(Cute Girl): The early bird catches the worm, friend!
(Pan-Pizza): Uhh… Just a second, I’m almost done! 
Pan hops back into the shower. He tries desperately to wash off the Kal Penn faces, but again, they won’t go. 
(Pan-Pizza): C’mon, c’mon! Wash off already!
(Cute Girl): Hurry it up in there! 
Pan gives up, and turns off the shower. He hides the Kal Penn faces on his legs by wrapping a towel around his waist. Pan unlocks the door and opens the door he opens it he opened it and he opened it now I want you to open it.
(Cute Girl): Uhh… Are you okay?
(Pan-Pizza): Of course I am! Why would you think I’m not?
(Cute Girl): Because you have Kumars growing out of your armpits.
(Pan-Pizza): Oh, that’s just—WAIT, WHAT!?
Pan looks under his armpit while the cute girl takes a pregnancy test. Sure enough, he has a whole punch of Kal Penn faces hidden in there.
(Pan-Pizza): I-I gotta go! I’ll call you later!
Pan runs out of the home. 
(Cute Girl): Hey, wait up! I AM pregnant with your child! …also you don’t have my phone number. 
Pan runs out into the middle of the street, but he trips and falls. A car stops in front of him and honks like a madman.
(Driver): Get out of the road, ass-face!
(Pan-Pizza): Sir, you gotta help me! You gotta bring me to a hospital!
The driver steps out of the car.
(Driver): That’s it, I’m kicking your ass!
The driver punches Pan in the face. What the driver doesn’t notice, is that a Kal Penn face pops out of his knuckle…
(Pan-Pizza): I gotta get out of here!
Pan runs into the Donkey-Con as the Kal Penn faces cover his body. He trips yet again, and falls on the ground. 
Donkey fanatics surround him as the Kal Penn faces cover his head.
(Donkey Fanatic #1): Hey, do you know when the Eddie Murphy panel starts?
(Donkey Fanatic #2): Check out these pictures of my donkey Horatio! He’s 4 years old!
(Donkey Fanatic #3): I really like donkeys, man.
Finally, Pan-Pizza’s infection is complete as he explodes into a million pieces. Kal Penn juice cover the Donkey fanatics surrounding him, as they all get infected with the White Castle disease. The people of Donkey-Con scream in terror, and mass panic arises as they storm out of the hotel.
2 DAYS LATER
The cute girl from the con is at the doctor’s office, talking with her gynecologist.
(Gynecologist): Well, everything seems fine, so there shouldn’t be any complications with having a baby. Except there is one thing that I found while looking around.
(Cute Girl): And what would that be?
The gynecologist shows her a picture of the Kal Penn face.
(Cute Girl): What is that?
(Gynecologist): I’m not entirely sure. 
Cut to Max eating some oatmeal when Hobble and Kevin Bacon come running in.
(Hobble): Magister Tennyson, we have some big news!
(Max): What is it this time, Hobble?
(Kevin Bacon): We’ve gotten multiple reports of a strange new virus popping up in New York and surrounding areas.
(Max): Really? Tell me more.
(Kevin Bacon): Will do, sir.
Hobble and Kevin Bacon walk out of the room.
(Max): what
Kevin Bacon and Hobble walk back in.
(Max): Okay, I don’t really care about what this disease is or what it does, but I just need you to tell me one thing.
(Kevin Bacon): Yes, sir?
(Max): What do we call this disease?
(Kevin Bacon): Well, there was one eyewitness who gave it a nickname. He named it… “the White Castle disease”.
(Max): That’s dumb. That’s a dumb name.
(Kevin Bacon): Yeah, well, we’re calling it that anyways.
(Max): god dammit
Category:Scripts
Category:Scrapped Specials