A Not So Fin-tastic Wedding (Transcript)

This is the transcript of the special, A Not So Fin-tastic Wedding.
(TV static appears on screen, and then we see Perch Perkins.)
Perch: Good morning, Bikini Bottom! The weather today is bright and sunny, perfect for the special wedding of Prince Triton and Esa. That's right, folks. A few weeks ago, Prince Triton asked for Esa's hand in marriage, and today is their big day! And so far, the crowds are overly excited for the couple.
Fish #1: Oh, man. I'm so excited, I think I'm gonna explode! (swells up and finally shoots up into the air like a rocket, reaching Atlantis.)
(Fish #1 flies off camera as we see Queen Amphitrite brushing Esa's hair in the royal spa.)
Amphitrite: I knew Triton would ask you for your hand. He has known you for over a year, and he truly loves you.
Uma: (appearing on camera, pushing a mannequin along with Neptuna) Yes, indeed. (begins to dance with the mannequin) You are a lucky girl, marrying the son and successor of the great and powerful King Neptune. It's just so... so...
Neptuna: ... Amazing? Perfect? Amazingly perfect? Perfectly amazing?
Uma: (covers Neptuna's mouth) That's enough, thank you.
Esa: Triton really does care about me, even if it gets a little out of hand. (sigh) I remembered how he proposed to me. (flashback starts; narrates) He asked me if we could watch the sunset on a cliff, and so I accepted. We just sat there for two minutes and 22 and a half seconds, his arm slung over my shoulder. Finally, he began.
Triton: (from flashback) Esa, there's, uh, something I've been wanting to ask you for a while.
Esa: (from flashback) Really, what is it?
Triton: (helps Esa up, and then kneels down on his tail, taking her hand with one of his while the other pulled a black box out of his belt pouch; he opens it with his thumb, showing a silver ring with a turquoise diamond) Esa, the love of my never-ending life, will you (gulp)... will you... marry me? (gives an uneasy smile)
Esa: (thinks for a moment, and then smiles) Yes! (lets Triton put the ring on her finger, and she hugs him)
Triton: (smiling) I'm a lucky merman.
(flashback ends)
(Everyone in the room heard Esa's story, much to Esa's surprise.)
Everyone (except Esa): Awwwwwwwww...
Uma: I still don't understand something, though; how come you invited that little sponge and his friends to help with your big day?
Esa: Well, they proved to be very helpful, and I gave them certain duties to take out. Besides, nothing could possibly go wrong, especially since Jervis told me that he has it covered.
Uma: Okay. (whispers to Neptuna) I bet those guys won't last ten minutes.
Esa: I heard that!
(Uma smiles innocently; bubble transition to chapel)
(Squidward was busy hammering a banner into place, while Sandy and SpongeBob were busy taking care of the flowers. Mr. Krabs was going over a list, making sure everything everything is going fine.)
Mr. Krabs: How's that marble sculpture coming along, Patrick?
Patrick: Not bad at all, Mr. Krabs. (shows an excellent sculpture of two hearts linked together) I've done this ever since I lived under a rock.
(Mr. Krabs mouth literally drops, stunned at Patrick's masterpiece.)
Jervis: (walking in, holding a semi-oval shaped pod) Hello, everyone.
SpongeBob: Hi, Jervis! What'd you got there?
Jervis: It's my latest invention, the Cleaning Pod 2000, or CP for short! (He pushes a button on the side; the pod begins to whirl, and a screen on it opened up, serving as eyes. Different cleaning objects come out attached to mechanical arms from inside it.) It is designed to clean up any mess in a blink of an eye. Observe.
(Jervis takes a glass filled with juice from a table and dropped it, breaking it. CP noticed and quickly cleaned it up in a few seconds, leaving the spot sparkly.)
Sandy: Impressive.
Jervis: Thank you.
Squidward: Why did you bring it here?
Jervis: (explains while SpongeBob and Patrick play with CP) I brought it over for... 'special' emergencies. (He gestures over to SpongeBob and Patrick as he says this as a hint.)
Squidward: (understanding Jervis) I see. Would you be able to make me one?
Jervis: You're the fifth one to ask me today, but alright.
(Mr. Krabs was looking out the window nervously. Jervis notices and walks to him.)
Jervis: What's wrong, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: I'm worried about the Krabby Patty secret formula back home. I have a feeling I should've brought it here.
Jervis: Don't worry, Mr. K. I have already equipped a security system in the safe where you keep the formula, and if Plankton attempts to go in and steal it, the system will activate the escape mode on the formula, and it should be able to reach you.
Mr. Krabs: How will it ever reach me if it doesn't know where I am?
Jervis: That won't be a problem. I installed a tracking device in your watch.
(Mr. Krabs looks at his watch. Sure enough, there was a little beeping pod on it.)
Mr. Krabs: So that's why it's been doing that. Thanks, Jervis.
Jervis: (nods) Don't mention it.
Mr. Krabs: Well, I...
Jerivs: Really, don't.
(Mr. Krabs stared confusedly at Jervis as he went to help the others with the chapel; bubble transition to the Chum Bucket.)
Plankton: (Watching TV) Heh, heh, heh. (to Karen) Karen, my dear, today is the day I finally steal the Krabby Patty formula!
Karen: That's what you said last Monday when you tried to steal it using a bottle of sleeping spray.
Plankton: (blushes) Well, I figured out why every scheme fails. There is always someone around. But, now that today is a special occasion that every fool will see, nothing can stop me! (begins to walk, but Karen's hand appears in front of him, stopping him)
Karen: In case you've forgotten, Jervis Tech has already equipped an advanced security system in the safe where the formula is located. One wrong move, and it will send the formula to Krabs thanks to a tracking device inserted into his watch.
Plankton: That's where you're wrong, Karen! I thought of a solution for this with (holds out test tube) invisible formula! And before you ask, I will test this on this apple. (pours formula over apple; apple disappears)
(Karen scans the apple with her security scanner and detects nothing.)
Plankton: See? I'm hitting the jackpot today! (pours formula over himself and becomes invisible; walks out)
(Suddenly, the apple turns visible again.)
Karen: Well, this is going to be interesting.
(Plankton makes his way into the Krusty Krab and opens the safe. He sees the formula and begins to pick it up. Just then, he becomes visible.)
Plankton: What the- (The system sent an alarm out.) Uh, oh.
(Plankton clung to the formula, avoiding being zapped. The top of the safe opens, revealing the outside, and the formula blasts into the air with Plankton. Plankton's top skin rips off, leaving him bare and pink.)
(Back in Atlantis)
(Mr. Krabs heard screaming, and he turned to the window, where the formula crashed through. CP quickly fixed it and dusted the broken glass away.)
Mr. Krabs: (Picking the formula, still in the bottle, up) Well, you failed again, Plankton! Argh, argh, argh, argh! (tucks the formula in his pocket; he doesn't see Plankton next to it)
Sandy: Alright, the decorations are complete! Now, we should get prepared.
(Everyone nods; SpongeBob suddenly notices Plankton pulling the formula out)
SpongeBob: Plankton!
(Plankton quickly runs with the formula)
Mr. Krabs: (grits his teeth at Jervis) Why, you no good...
Sandy: Mr. Krabs, you can take care of Jervis later. Right now, we have a one-eyed thief to catch!
(They start chasing Plankton; Benny Hill Chase (version in link) plays in the background as they chase him across the entire palace as a map of it is seen while multiple different-colored dots resembling each character is shown)
(Plankton runs to a seemingly dead end until Mindy opens the door; he escapes without her noticing. Everyone stops, crashing into each other. They all stand up, brushing dust off of them)
Mindy: Sandy, there you are! We need to fit you in your bridesmaid dress for the wedding!
Sandy: Well, I, uh... (not knowing how to tell the truth)
(Mindy pulls her to another direction.)
(Neptune appears.)
Neptune: Mr. Krabs, you and Squidward are needed for the reception! (pulls them away before they could speak)
(SpongeBob, Jervis, and Patrick are left behind.)
SpongeBob: Well, I guess it's just the three of us.
Patrick: Well, come on!
(The three leave the room and look around until they see Plankton riding on a sea horse down the road.)
Jervis: There he is! (The three run after him, but they got tired immediately)
SpongeBob: (panting) Now... what?
Jervis: We use this! (points to a vacant horse-drawn cart; the three jump on)
SpongeBob: (snaps the ropes) Hee-yah! (horse whinnies and gallops after Plankton on the streets)
(bubble transition to royal spa)
(Sandy is sweating nervously and is taking out her flusher to empty her sweat out of her helmet.)
Esa: Sandy, are you okay?
Sandy: (surprised) No! I mean, yes! I mean, maybe!
Uma: Must be the heat. Don't worry, I got this! (turns up air conditioning; Sandy's sweat turns to ice and breaks off her body)
Sandy: Thanks, Uma.
Uma: You're welcome. Now hold still. (takes out a make-up plush and dabs it in powder.)
Sandy: (notices and panics) No, wait! Uma, I'm wearing a... (Uma covers her helmet in powder and gasps at her mistake) helmet. (She rubs her helmet with her hands and makes two eye holes.)
(Esa tries hard not to laugh while CP appears and wipes the powder off her helmet)
Uma: (pointing at CP) What's that?
Sandy: That's CP, one of Jervis' inventions.
Uma: (annoyed) Of course.
(Suddenly, they hear screaming outside.)
Esa: What was that?
Sandy: (realizing it was SpongeBob and panics) Oh, that's probably the crowd.
Esa: (raises an eyebrow at Sandy) I suppose.
Sandy: (seeing a cloud of dust outside the window) Uh... Hey, Uma, why don't you get Esa's makeup ready? I think y'all need to add some pizazz to her! (turns the chair Esa's sitting on to Uma)
Uma: (confused) Okay?
(Uma works on Esa's makeup while Sandy runs to the window; to her horror, SpongeBob, Jervis, and Patrick were headed straight towards the spa while Plankton was in front of them.)
Plankton: (holding out a robot bug) Time for those three to loosen up!
(He throws the bug unto the bridle straps on the horse pulling the cart. The bug showed very sharp teeth and bit the straps off, causing the horse to run in another direction while SpongeBob, Patrick, and Jervis were still headed forward.)
Plankton: Hasta la vista, fools! (rides his horse down a different road.)
(The three friends look in front and see the spa and Sandy in front of them; they start screaming and hugging each other, too scared to do anything.)
Esa: (hears them screaming) Okay, seriously. I hear something going on outside, Sandy, and I know that's SpongeBob and Patrick from all the times they were in trouble with me around!
Sandy: (facing Esa while blocking the window) What? Don't be crazy, Esa! I'm telling ya, it's the crowd! (quickly shuts the curtains; peeks through the hole and sees a curved pipe above her.) That's it! (to Esa) I gotta go! (runs off)
(Esa quickly looks at the window and stands while Sandy finds an air vent in the bathroom. She removes the opening and climbs into it.)
(SpongeBob and his friends continue screaming while Esa swims to the window in slow motion; Sandy removes a secret opening from the roof of the spa and reaches the pipe. She pulls it with all her strength. The three sequences go in order over and over again until Sandy finally breaks off the pipe just as Esa reaches the window.)
(Before Esa opens up the curtain, the pipe lands in front of the window, and since it is the only light source of the room, the room goes completely dark, and only everyone's eyes are seen.)
Random Fish: Alright, who turned out the lights?
(Meanwhile, the three boys rode on the pipe to a different direction away from the spa. They sigh in relief until they see Fred. All four scream until they crashed into him.)
Fred: (off camera with everyone else) MY LEG!!!
Jervis: (coming out of the cart, his clothes ruined) Oy. (watch suddenly beeps; gasps) I gotta go. Triton needs me for last-minute details on his wedding wear! (runs off)
(bubble transition)
(Jervis runs through the halls looking for Triton; suddenly bumps into him while he is wearing a toga)
Triton: Jervis, there you are! I've been... (notices Jervis looks messed up) What happened to you?
Jervis: (talks quickly) Oh, you know, handling over-excited crowds. Too bad it came with a price. (smiles, then changes the subject) By the way, your toga looks just fine! It's perfect. Absolutely perfect!
Triton: (raises an eyebrow) Uh, thanks, Jervis. I, uh, gotta go now. And remember, make sure everything is just right. (shudders) I'll never live it down is something terrible happens. (leaves)
Jervis: (frowns) Oh, boy. (Suddenly, Plankton runs past him.) There you are, you- (doesn't finish as Mr. Krabs knocks into him)
Mr. Krabs: Come on, boy! We can't reach me formula lying down. (helps Jervis up and runs after Plankton with him)
TBC... Don't write this transcript without my permission, please!
Category:Transcripts