Houseguest/Transcript

Please, this way, this way!
0:00:15
0:00:16
Come along now. This way. This way.
0:00:18
0:00:21
Let's go. Come on. Walk with me.
0:00:21
0:00:23
Let's go.
0:00:25
0:00:26
Where is that Kevin Franklin?!
0:00:36
0:00:38
Bobby, get that quarter.
0:00:38
0:00:41
Get the penny. Get the quarter.
0:00:41
0:00:45
Kevin! >
0:00:45
0:00:46
Bobby, get out of the water.
0:00:48
0:00:49
It's not my fault, you made me buddies with Kevin.
0:00:49
0:00:53
I was helping him retrieve his glasses and he fell in.
0:00:53
0:00:57
It's a miracle!
0:00:59
0:01:02
I wished, and now my pockets are stuffed with coins! Halleluja!
0:01:02
0:01:07
Put it back now.
0:01:07
0:01:09
You think you're the only orphan that grew up in Pittsburgh?
0:01:09
0:01:14
No, just the poorest.
0:01:14
0:01:20
Well... Did you know he was an orphan too?
0:01:16
0:01:20
Wherever we go, there's an orphan.
0:01:20
0:01:28
Poseidon applied himself to something other than mischief,
0:01:23
0:01:28
and he became ruler of the sea.
0:01:28
0:01:30
-Who cares if he was
-chicken
-of the sea. When I'm big I'm gonna be rich.
0:01:30
0:01:36
(KIDS LAUGH)
0:01:36
0:01:38
When I grow up I'll be a millionaire drivin' a Porsche.
0:01:38
0:01:42
Hey, girl!
0:01:47
0:01:49
When I'm rich everyone'll brag about how they know me.
0:01:57
0:02:01
It'll be all over the radio.
Pittsburgh! This is your favourite station, WKFD,
0:02:03
0:02:08
with Kevin Franklin. Last night Kevin, our homeboy,
0:02:08
0:02:12
Cleaned up at the International Human Being Society Award.
0:02:12
0:02:16
Let's run that tape, Jim.
0:02:16
0:02:18
(BURBLES LIKE A TAPE REWINDING)
0:02:18
0:02:22
Beep!
0:02:22
0:02:23
Ladies and gentlemen, tonight we honour a very special man.
0:02:23
0:02:27
This year our annual recipient has won the Nobel Peace Prize,
0:02:27
0:02:33
Pulitzer Prize, Businessman of the Year,
0:02:33
0:02:37
the Heisman Trophy,
0:02:37
0:02:39
the Paul Robeson Best Negro Actor of the Century,
0:02:39
0:02:44
and the Aunt Jemima Pancake Prize.
0:02:44
0:02:47
He ended world hunger, reversed the greenhouse effect,
0:02:47
0:02:52
and created a new flavour Pop Tart -
0:02:52
0:02:54
Spam/Salmon Croquette Tofutti.
0:02:54
0:02:57
His bank account is the size of four small countries,
0:02:57
0:03:01
but Kevin cares about the world.
0:03:01
0:03:04
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Kevin Franklin from Pittsburgh.
0:03:04
0:03:09
(IMITATES CROWD ROARING)
0:03:09
0:03:12
Oh, no. Thank you!
0:03:12
0:03:15
Ohhh...
0:03:15
0:03:16
I don't know what to say.
0:03:16
0:03:18
I've won many awards in my life,
0:03:18
0:03:21
but tonight is a very special night for me.
0:03:21
0:03:24
I'd like to start by saying... where's the cheque? Thank you.
0:03:24
0:03:29
If I could do it again, I would.
0:03:29
0:03:32
Not for free, but I'd do it again.
0:03:32
0:03:35
Honestly, people. Thank you.
0:03:35
0:03:37
I love you so much.
0:03:37
0:03:39
Thank you. I'll call you.
0:03:39
0:03:42
I can't wait to win the big money.
0:03:42
0:03:45
Everybody will ride with me then.
0:03:45
0:03:47
(CAR ALARM STARTS)
0:03:52
0:03:54
Yeah!
0:04:02
0:04:03
Time to go to school. Man, yeah.
0:04:03
0:04:07
So, Ralphie, that's juice, right?
0:04:07
0:04:10
Hey, wha's up? Hey, what y'all doin', man?
0:04:10
0:04:14
What y'all doin'?
0:04:14
0:04:17
-Who let this 50-year-old in here?
-I'll give a little clinic.
0:04:17
0:04:22
Wha's happenin', man? My grandmother plays better.
0:04:22
0:04:26
Hold this.
0:04:26
0:04:28
Yeah!
0:04:28
0:04:29
Show them fools, Kev!
0:04:29
0:04:31
I would pull this out and go to your natural colour. But be what you are.
0:04:31
0:04:36
Have some activator. Catch y'all.
0:04:36
0:04:39
Yo, Kev!
0:04:39
0:04:41
-What?
-Make that first million yet?
0:04:41
0:04:46
I'm on my way.
0:04:43
0:04:46
He's got tapes - Win A Million.
0:04:46
0:04:48
# I can't hear you. #
0:04:48
0:04:51
What say, brother?
0:04:51
0:04:54
You're gonna love this. Kevin!
0:04:54
0:04:56
Come here! >
0:04:56
0:04:58
Kevin, you hear me takin' to you? Stop!
0:04:58
0:05:02
Kevin!
0:05:02
0:05:04
(MARTIAL-ARTS-TYPE SCREAM)
0:05:04
0:05:06
Time for Cooking In The Kitchen with Kevin.
0:05:09
0:05:12
We have salt for the children, cholesterol for the adults,
0:05:12
0:05:17
fat for fat people, sugar for the sugarholics.
0:05:17
0:05:20
And for the grown folks, Mickey-Ds.
0:05:20
0:05:23
Big gulp for a big guy.
0:05:23
0:05:26
Ah, yes.
0:05:26
0:05:28
Shaft, about to make a million.
0:05:29
0:05:31
I'm gonna buy you a new crib, swimming-pool,
0:05:31
0:05:35
maybe get you a girl hamster. Yeah!
0:05:35
0:05:38
It's time to make money.
0:05:38
0:05:41
'..beautiful Waikiki Beach in Honolulu, Hawaii.'
0:05:41
0:05:46
-'Here's John Davidson.
-Aloha!'
0:05:46
0:05:49
Aloha.
0:05:49
0:05:51
'Do what over 700,000 Americans have done -
0:05:51
0:05:57
'use Dave Del Dotto's wealth-building material.
0:05:57
0:06:01
'Restore your faith as we move to achieve our dreams.'
0:06:01
0:06:05
Sing, John.
0:06:05
0:06:07
"# And when your days seem cloudy
0:06:07
0:06:10
"# And you don't know what to do... #"
0:06:10
0:06:14
Hey, ho!
0:06:14
0:06:16
Hey, ho.
0:06:16
0:06:18
Go, John.
0:06:18
0:06:20
Get a hairbrush for your big hair. Scooby-dooby. Oooby...
0:06:20
0:06:24
Kevin!
-Just a minute.
-Kevin!
0:06:26
0:06:28
-Shhh!
-Why you think I'm wavin' at you?
0:06:28
0:06:32
It's heavy. It's yours. Take it, Kevin.
0:06:32
0:06:35
I'm tryin' to watch the tape.
0:06:35
0:06:38
It's great. It's Dave Del Dotto's...
0:06:38
0:06:41
They delivered this to me.
0:06:41
0:06:43
-What is it?
-How do I know?!
0:06:43
0:06:46
I'm outta here. I'm not Latoya Jackson.
0:06:46
0:06:49
Wait, Larry.
0:06:49
0:06:51
I've been waiting for this!
0:06:51
0:06:53
This is it!
0:06:53
0:06:56
-Know what it is?
-A waste of money.
0:06:59
0:07:04
You have no vision.
0:07:01
0:07:04
The entire '94 baseball season, right?
0:07:04
0:07:07
I got Ken Griffey Jnr, Barry Bonds.
0:07:07
0:07:11
People spend big money for baseball cards.
0:07:11
0:07:14
But if they get hurt it's worth even more.
0:07:14
0:07:17
I don't wanna see it happen, but if it does I get paid.
0:07:17
0:07:22
This is gonna be huge.
0:07:22
0:07:24
Large! Gigantic! Like all your other ideas, Kevin.
0:07:24
0:07:29
Is that any way to encourage your best friend?
0:07:29
0:07:31
I didn't ask for this! I didn't ask to be your best friend!
0:07:31
0:07:35
You get upset, see what happens? Now breathe. Breathe!
0:07:35
0:07:40
I don't wanna see you like this. This is gonna work out.
0:07:40
0:07:44
I feel it.
0:07:44
0:07:46
I gotta blood sugar dip. I need some dinner.
0:07:46
0:07:49
Dinner... I told Lynn I was gonna meet her!
0:07:49
0:07:53
Ouch!
0:08:01
0:08:02
(HORNS BLARE)
0:08:02
0:08:04
Hey, Lynn!
0:08:07
0:08:09
Hey, Lynn, how you doin'?
0:08:09
0:08:12
Nice meetin' you, everybody.
0:08:12
0:08:15
I can explain, OK?
0:08:15
0:08:17
You stood me up. You made me look a fool in front of my boss.
0:08:17
0:08:22
I can explain, all right?
0:08:22
0:08:24
-I'm gonna slap your face.
-Don't slap me...
0:08:24
0:08:28
OW!!
0:08:28
0:08:30
Lynn!
0:08:30
0:08:31
Lynn.
0:08:31
0:08:33
This is not like the others. This baseball thing is gonna be big.
0:08:33
0:08:38
I want you to have the finest things in life.
0:08:38
0:08:43
Money doesn't buy love or happiness.
0:08:43
0:08:46
-It only buys things.
-That's right!
0:08:46
0:08:49
Grow up!
0:08:49
0:08:53
I'm growin' now. See?
0:08:50
0:08:53
I'll change!
0:08:53
0:08:55
I'm tryin' to have an argument!
0:08:55
0:08:57
I'll get a regular job.
0:08:57
0:09:00
You're 35. You'll never change.
0:09:00
0:09:03
Lynn, if you drive away, I'll stand here pointing.
0:09:03
0:09:07
Lynn!
0:09:08
0:09:09
How can you say I don't care? I'm a better person now thanks to you.
0:09:21
0:09:28
Get the light. Come on!
0:09:45
0:09:48
-Hey, who is it? Pauly!
-Get outta the way!
0:09:48
0:09:52
-Hey, Pauly.
-Where's the dough?
0:09:52
0:09:55
-Where's Nicky?
-Retired. This is my brother Joey.
0:09:55
0:09:59
-Hey, Joey.
-Hey.
0:09:59
0:10:01
Hungry, big guy? I got these new Pop Tarts.
0:10:01
0:10:05
Oh, cool! With the frosting on top!
-I'm hungry!
-Like always.
0:10:07
0:10:09
You never let me eat.
0:10:09
0:10:10
You're always stuffin' your face.
0:10:10
0:10:13
Where's the dough?!
0:10:14
0:10:16
-Is that all he can say?
-Don't be funny.
0:10:16
0:10:19
Ooof! I don't feel funny.
0:10:19
0:10:22
Where's the dough?!
0:10:22
0:10:24
Fair question. I borrowed 5,000 and you want it back, right?
0:10:24
0:10:29
50,000. Interest and late penalties have accrued.
0:10:29
0:10:33
Accrued!
0:10:33
0:10:39
50,000? I guess that sign that said, "No questions asked"...
0:10:34
0:10:39
I guess I should've asked a coupla questions.
0:10:39
0:10:42
My businesses are in the start-up phase. I'm tryin' to make money.
0:10:42
0:10:47
I got somethin' here...
0:10:47
0:10:50
Baseball... America loves baseball. They buy...
0:10:50
0:10:54
You can smell the money.
0:10:54
0:10:56
Check it out, Joey, man. ..Or just chew the gum.
0:10:56
0:11:00
Get it out!
0:11:00
0:11:01
What's the matter with you? ..Listen, Franklin.
0:11:01
0:11:05
The way I see it. Correct me if I'm wrong, Joey.
0:11:05
0:11:10
We got two options. A - We give you another day.
0:11:10
0:11:15
B - We're gonna kill you right now, and save ourselves some aggravation.
0:11:15
0:11:20
I'm gonna go with "A".
0:11:20
0:11:22
SNORTING LAUGH
0:11:22
0:11:25
Come here.
0:11:25
0:11:27
What?
0:11:27
0:11:31
Get over here. Right now.
0:11:28
0:11:31
What's wrong with you?
0:11:31
0:11:37
I just thought that was real good with those options.
0:11:33
0:11:37
We're threatenin' someone. You're underminin' things!
0:11:37
0:11:40
Pauly!
0:11:40
0:11:41
I was gonna feed my hamster. You gotta feed 'em. They're sensitive.
0:11:42
0:11:47
What's the matter with you? I want 50,000 tomorrow.
0:11:49
0:11:55
Or you're dead. You hear me? Don't even think about skippin' town.
0:11:55
0:11:59
Sounds fair.
0:11:59
0:12:01
One-way to Nassau. Name?
0:12:01
0:12:07
Clarence Williams III. Yeah.
0:12:03
0:12:07
-Thank you, Mr Williams.
-Thank you.
0:12:07
0:12:10
Shaft, you'll be the coolest hamster in the Bahamas.
0:12:10
0:12:14
I think we made it, man. Ha!
0:12:14
0:12:18
What?!
0:12:18
0:12:19
Oh, man!
0:12:19
0:12:22
You really disappointed us.
0:12:20
0:12:22
Yeah. Nice glasses, though.
0:12:22
0:12:25
I learned somethin' from this...
0:12:25
0:12:29
Shut up!
0:12:27
0:12:29
Choir, stay together.
0:12:29
0:12:32
Look! Denzel Washington!
0:12:30
0:12:32
SCREAMING
He's here! He's landed in the airport!
0:12:34
0:12:39
Sick pet. Look out, people.
0:12:39
0:12:42
Move!
0:12:43
0:12:45
Shaft, you're gonna have to help me, buddy.
0:12:59
0:13:03
Shaft, I said when the end came it'd be you or me. Well, it's you.
0:13:03
0:13:09
I love you. IT'S A RAT!!
0:13:09
0:13:11
There he is!
0:13:11
0:13:13
Get me through! Get me through!
0:13:19
0:13:23
-I almost saw him.
-Whaddaya mean?!
0:13:29
0:13:32
I told him I'd pick him up here.
0:13:39
0:13:41
What does he look like, Dad?
0:13:41
0:13:43
He's around my age, black...
0:13:43
0:13:46
How tall, Daddy?
0:13:46
0:13:48
I don't know. It's been 25 years.
0:13:48
0:13:50
He was always so punctual.
0:13:50
0:13:53
I see him!
0:13:53
0:13:55
Wait a minute. Wait a minute...
0:14:00
0:14:03
Hey!
0:14:05
0:14:06
..Derek?
0:14:06
0:14:08
-That's right!
-It's me!
0:14:08
0:14:11
It's you!
0:14:11
0:14:15
-How're you doing?
-How're YOU doing?
0:14:12
0:14:15
-You look different.
-I do?
0:14:25
0:14:28
When you haven't seen someone in that long,
0:14:28
0:14:31
you can look completely different.
0:14:31
0:14:34
-You haven't changed at all.
-No?
0:14:34
0:14:37
I expected a more conservative look, but I like the earrings.
0:14:37
0:14:42
-Well, fraternity thing...
-Meet Jason,
0:14:42
0:14:45
future basketball star, and Sarah, my little princess.
0:14:45
0:14:49
Hey, Jason, Sarah.
0:14:49
0:14:51
My wife couldn't make it.
0:14:51
0:14:54
Your wife? How is she?
0:14:54
0:14:56
Busy. Emily opened a yoghurt store a coupla years back, and it took off.
0:14:56
0:15:01
She's got 35 of those silly stores now.
0:15:01
0:15:05
That's nice. Hey, come on, Jacob.
0:15:05
0:15:08
-Jason.
-Jason.
That's good. What?
0:15:10
0:15:12
Don't you have any bags?
0:15:12
0:15:15
Yeah, I got a bag... Right here. Here. Let's go.
0:15:15
0:15:18
Sorry I was so late. I remember how crazy you were about being on time.
0:15:18
0:15:23
We can make up for lost time.
0:15:23
0:15:26
We got a lotta catching up to do.
0:15:26
0:15:28
I cleared my desk so I'll have three days. We'll have a helluva weekend!
0:15:28
0:15:33
We will!
0:15:33
0:15:35
'Paging Mr Gary Young.'
0:15:35
0:15:37
That's my name.
0:15:37
0:15:42
Yeah, I know that... That was me.
0:15:39
0:15:42
What was you?
0:15:42
0:15:48
I had them page you, cos you were late, Gary!
0:15:43
0:15:48
-You should tell them you found me.
-They'll figure it out.
0:15:48
0:15:52
Take the kids. I'll tell them.
0:15:52
0:15:55
No, no, no! You take the kids. I'll tell them.
0:15:55
0:15:59
I was rude. What was I thinking about? Jet lag.
0:15:59
0:16:03
Press on. We got so much to talk about. So good to see you.
0:16:03
0:16:07
Derek?
0:16:07
0:16:09
-Derek!
-..Oh! Yeah!
0:16:09
0:16:12
Good to have you with us.
0:16:12
0:16:16
Yeah, right!
0:16:14
0:16:16
Derek Bond?
0:16:20
0:16:22
-Yes?
-I'm Pete, Gary's personal assistant.
0:16:22
0:16:25
So?
0:16:25
0:16:29
Can I speak to you? Come with me.
0:16:26
0:16:29
You can't stay with Gary this weekend.
0:16:30
0:16:34
His wife's ill.
0:16:34
0:16:36
-..Botulism.
-Botulism?
0:16:36
0:16:38
What about the thing I came to do?
0:16:38
0:16:41
It's a disease. The thing is off!
-Off!
-Great. I didn't wanna do that damn thing anyway.
0:16:44
0:16:48
I hate those things. Is there anything I can do?
0:16:48
0:16:52
-Two things.
-What?
-They want you to wear this.
0:16:52
0:16:56
-I don't wear hats.
-The woman's in a coma!
0:16:56
0:16:59
OK!
0:16:59
0:17:04
-And do not call the house.
-Why not?
0:17:00
0:17:04
Sound triggers it, man.
0:17:04
0:17:06
Phone rings - vomitin', foamin' at the mouth. It's ugly.
0:17:06
0:17:11
That's ugly.
0:17:11
0:17:13
Gary will call when she's better.
0:17:13
0:17:16
Keep hope alive.
0:17:16
0:17:18
-Can you see him?
-I see him.
0:17:18
0:17:21
-Oh, sorry. Wrong guy.
-Me too.
0:17:25
0:17:29
Help!
0:17:29
0:17:30
Derek!
0:17:31
0:17:33
Coming, Gar!
0:17:33
0:17:35
HORNS BLARE
0:17:35
0:17:38
Comin', Gar!
0:17:45
0:17:46
Whoooo!
0:17:52
0:17:54
-What's the hurry?
-Let's start the party!
0:17:54
0:17:57
-Jason, is your seatbelt on?
-No.
0:17:57
0:18:00
We're not leaving till you put it on.
0:18:00
0:18:03
Jason took my seatbelt.
0:18:03
0:18:07
Give Sarah her seatbelt.
0:18:05
0:18:07
-Say you're sorry.
-Do I have to?
0:18:07
0:18:10
-Yes!
-Sorry!
0:18:10
0:18:13
Pauly!
0:18:16
0:18:17
-Gimme the keys!
-You wanna drive?
0:18:17
0:18:20
Take a right out of the gate...
0:18:24
0:18:26
Whoooo! Some tight steerin'!
0:18:38
0:18:41
Safe car, too.
0:18:41
0:18:45
Cool!
0:18:43
0:18:45
FRANKLIN!
0:18:46
0:18:48
Oh, Franklin. Get the car, Joey.
-Pauly...
-Get the car!
0:18:51
0:18:54
-Hey! That's my car!
-That's my brother's car!
0:18:54
0:18:57
-Turn off here.
-I can make it.
-You can take the next...
0:18:57
0:19:02
All right!
0:19:05
0:19:06
You can't do this with an American car.
0:19:11
0:19:14
Boy, you have changed. You used to be so uptight when we were kids.
0:19:14
0:19:19
You used to lecture us on bicycle safety.
0:19:19
0:19:22
I haven't been the same since the accident.
0:19:22
0:19:25
What accident?
0:19:25
0:19:27
I was scuba divin' in the Cayman Islands.
0:19:28
0:19:32
We were after stingray and two great white sharks came out of nowhere.
0:19:32
0:19:37
Bam! Just attackin' us. It was like a scene off Jaws.
0:19:37
0:19:41
It was just blood and bones and butts, and everything was...
0:19:41
0:19:46
He bit my friend. His head came off! His eye was on me!
0:19:46
0:19:50
His eye was on me!
0:19:50
0:19:52
Oh, God...
0:19:52
0:19:54
Easy.
0:19:54
0:19:55
Ohhh...
0:19:55
0:19:56
My God!
0:19:56
0:19:58
I'm OK.
0:20:00
0:20:01
Well... This is great.
0:20:06
0:20:09
Yeah. This is great.
0:20:09
0:20:12
I mean...this is really great.
0:20:12
0:20:15
After all these years, it only took one call to get you to Pittsburgh
0:20:15
0:20:20
so we could rekindle that old friendship.
0:20:20
0:20:23
Well, Gary, friends don't grow on trees.
0:20:23
0:20:26
No, they don't. Remember how we always used to sing this song?
0:20:26
0:20:31
-# Good night, Irene, good night
-..Irene...
0:20:31
0:20:34
-# Good night, Irene, good night
-..Good night...
0:20:34
0:20:38
# Good night, Irene
0:20:38
0:20:41
# Good night, Irene...
0:20:41
0:20:44
# ..I wish I had some Dairy Queen! #
0:20:45
0:20:49
# I'll see you in my...
0:20:50
0:20:55
# ..dreams!
0:20:57
0:21:01
# ..Dreams. #
0:20:58
0:21:01
How's your wife? Heard she was ill.
0:21:01
0:21:04
-My wife?
-Yeah.
-Er...
0:21:04
0:21:06
She's dead, Gar.
0:21:06
0:21:09
What?! I just spoke to her yesterday.
0:21:09
0:21:12
I mean... She's dead inside... from the loss of our son.
0:21:12
0:21:16
Your son? He's at Princeton.
0:21:16
0:21:19
Yeah. We thought we'd lost our son to the Ivy League...
0:21:19
0:21:23
Oh!
0:21:23
0:21:25
-We misplaced him.
-'Misplaced him?!'
0:21:25
0:21:29
If I don't get that money by the end of the weekend,
0:21:29
0:21:33
The Lotto's on.
0:21:34
0:21:35
Lotto?
0:21:35
0:21:37
'Win a million dollars!
0:21:37
0:21:39
'Let's see where it stops.'
0:21:39
0:21:42
-Hello?
-Listen!
0:21:42
0:21:43
You'll be looking at the wrong end of an icepick. Very closely.
0:21:43
0:21:49
-We'll find him.
-Gimme the pepper.
0:21:49
0:21:52
Happy's not happy.
0:21:52
0:21:56
Who is he, then?
0:21:53
0:21:56
Derek, thank you again.
0:22:06
0:22:08
You're welcome.
0:22:08
0:22:10
Thanks for doing this thing today.
0:22:10
0:22:12
The thing.
0:22:12
0:22:14
Well, I mean, how bad could it be?
0:22:14
0:22:17
When you stop and think about it, what is this thing, really?
0:22:17
0:22:22
Well, you're a braver man than I.
0:22:22
0:22:25
Sorry I'm late.
0:22:38
0:22:41
Derek, meet Nancy Pike, head of the school board, and my boss's wife.
0:22:41
0:22:46
Pleasure to meet you, but could I hurry you? You're a little late.
0:22:46
0:22:51
-This way.
-Catch you later, buddy.
0:22:51
0:22:55
-Right up these stairs.
-Listen...
-Go through the curtain.
0:22:55
0:22:59
And here we are.
0:22:59
0:23:01
Derek, could you sit down there?
0:23:01
0:23:04
Gentlemen, we are about to begin. Would you please be seated?
0:23:04
0:23:09
Thank you.
0:23:09
0:23:11
Greetings, students and faculty. On behalf of the School Foundation,
0:23:23
0:23:28
I want to personally welcome all our distinguished speakers,
0:23:28
0:23:34
and all of you, to Career Day!
0:23:34
0:23:38
THIN APPLAUSE
0:23:38
0:23:40
Now, let me introduce you to our first speaker, Derek Bond.
0:23:40
0:23:45
Let me tell you a few things about Derek.
0:23:45
0:23:49
He has come a long way to talk to us today,
0:23:49
0:23:53
and he has had a distinguished career as a...
0:23:53
0:23:57
Um...
0:23:57
0:23:58
..a professional in his field. But I'll let him tell you.
0:24:00
0:24:05
Join me in a warm welcome for Derek Bond.
0:24:05
0:24:09
(No, you, Derek.)
0:24:11
0:24:13
(Now.)
0:24:13
0:24:15
There he is, honey!
0:24:16
0:24:18
I'd like to, er, thank Mrs Pike for the...welcomage addressing speech.
0:24:29
0:24:34
Um...
0:24:36
0:24:38
I had some notes... I need to go to the car. I had some notes...
0:24:38
0:24:43
Let the man with the high-water pants go first.
0:24:43
0:24:47
Now, Derek, you know you're just joking.
0:24:47
0:24:51
Your secretary sent your slides ahead of you.
0:24:51
0:24:54
-She did?
-Harvey, start the slide show, please.
0:24:54
0:24:58
Your clicker. I know you know what to say.
0:24:58
0:25:01
We'll click 'em.
0:25:01
0:25:05
Thanks, Harv.
0:25:03
0:25:05
-Beautiful dress!
-Well, here goes nothin'.
0:25:05
0:25:10
Oh, that's...
0:25:10
0:25:12
(ALL) Yeuch!
0:25:14
0:25:16
Hey!
0:25:16
0:25:17
Eurgh!
0:25:17
0:25:19
A sandwich is a sandwich but that's a meal!
0:25:19
0:25:22
Bleuch!
0:25:22
0:25:24
That'd be nice with a lemonade.
0:25:24
0:25:27
That looks like the inside of my refrigerator.
0:25:27
0:25:30
What is it?
0:25:30
0:25:32
Ugh!
0:25:32
0:25:34
Oh! Eugh!
0:25:34
0:25:36
Ooooh! Ohhh!
0:25:36
0:25:38
You've learned all I can teach you about my career.
0:25:41
0:25:45
It's time to have Dr von Fleisenberg,
0:25:45
0:25:48
the country's leading hair transplant scientist, to discuss...
0:25:48
0:25:53
Derek!
0:25:53
0:25:54
Thank you, Professor von Whatever,
0:25:54
0:25:57
but I'm sure we have time for just one question.
0:25:57
0:26:01
Oh, yes, Mr Ichabod, head of our science department.
0:26:02
0:26:07
Er, chapter five of your book.
0:26:07
0:26:10
You said there are things you would do differently if you could do them over again.
0:26:10
0:26:15
Meaning what?
0:26:15
0:26:17
-Chapter five?
-In your book.
0:26:17
0:26:19
What I meant when I put that was... I padded the book immensely...
0:26:19
0:26:24
I'd eliminate chapter five. I wrote it to get to six.
0:26:24
0:26:28
You don't have any idea what you're talking about.
0:26:28
0:26:33
Listen here...
0:26:33
0:26:34
Since you know more about what I do than me,
0:26:34
0:26:39
come here, Mr Smartypants, Mr I-Don't-Have-A-Woman!
0:26:39
0:26:42
-Well, I...
-Come and tell me, Mr Ickey-Body!
0:26:42
0:26:46
I'm waitin'. Hmm? Hmm?
0:26:46
0:26:49
-I... I'm sorry.
-You
-are
-sorry.
0:26:49
0:26:52
There's a free Pearl Jam ticket inside each book.
0:26:52
0:26:57
Hey!
0:26:58
0:26:59
Help!
0:26:59
0:27:01
That was a great speech, Derek.
0:27:01
0:27:04
Anytime I can help out, just let me know.
0:27:04
0:27:08
Meet my oldest, Brooke. Brooke, sweetie, this is Derek Bond.
0:27:08
0:27:13
Hey.
0:27:13
0:27:14
And this is Brooke's...friend,
0:27:14
0:27:17
Steve.
0:27:17
0:27:18
Yo, my man. I told you, I ain't down with Steve.
0:27:18
0:27:22
Call me ST3, a'ight?
0:27:22
0:27:25
ST3.
0:27:25
0:27:27
Yo, G, your speech?
0:27:27
0:27:30
The butters, yo. The butters can't dig where zat!
0:27:30
0:27:34
You been droppin' serious science!
0:27:34
0:27:37
Peeps here don't know wha's up.
0:27:37
0:27:39
-Who?
-Peeps. The people.
-The people!
0:27:39
0:27:43
Ain't no thing but a chicken wing.
0:27:43
0:27:46
Anyway, we outy five thousand.
0:27:48
0:27:54
-You stay tan now.
-All right, man.
0:27:50
0:27:54
-Comin', girl?
-I'm right behind you.
0:27:54
0:27:57
Careful, hon.
0:27:57
0:27:59
Is, er, bro-man from around here?
0:27:59
0:28:01
He's the state senator's son.
0:28:01
0:28:05
Oh.
0:28:04
0:28:05
GIRL: Hi, Mr Young.
0:28:09
0:28:11
HORN HONKS
0:28:15
0:28:17
This is perfect.
0:28:26
0:28:27
We like to think of it as our little piece of heaven.
0:28:29
0:28:32
-Woof!
-Hey, hey!
0:28:35
0:28:37
-Woof!
-That's funny.
0:28:37
0:28:39
-Carl likes everybody.
-Good dog, Carl.
0:28:39
0:28:43
Come on, Sarah.
0:28:43
0:28:45
Jason! How many times have I told you to pick that up?!
0:28:47
0:28:51
A lot, I think.
0:28:51
0:28:54
Probably several, maybe...
0:28:54
0:28:58
-Come on.
-Come on, Carl. Let's go find a cat.
0:28:58
0:29:02
Come on, buddy.
0:29:04
0:29:07
Whoa.
0:29:13
0:29:15
Nice crib.
0:29:15
0:29:16
-Is my wife home?
-She's on the phone, Mr Young.
0:29:16
0:29:20
I hope everything fits your dietary needs.
0:29:20
0:29:23
-That looks good. Can I try some?
-Sure.
0:29:27
0:29:30
Eurgh!
0:29:30
0:29:32
What is that?
0:29:32
0:29:37
Puree of parsnip and crookneck squash.
0:29:33
0:29:37
-Only vegetables for the vegetarian.
-I'm a vegetarian.
0:29:37
0:29:41
Your secretary faxed us the specifics on your diet
0:29:41
0:29:45
and we followed them to the T.
0:29:45
0:29:47
That's a load off my mind. Don't burn your fingers.
0:29:47
0:29:51
I don't know how you do it, Derek.
0:29:51
0:29:54
I could never say no to a big, juicy cheeseburger.
0:29:54
0:29:58
Just vegetables for me.
0:30:01
0:30:05
No! >
0:30:03
0:30:05
No deviations on the shop design.
0:30:05
0:30:08
Mommy!
0:30:08
0:30:09
Well, I felt very strongly about that.
0:30:09
0:30:12
-Well...
-Mommy!
0:30:12
0:30:14
Cream sauce. Thank you.
0:30:14
0:30:17
Mommy!
0:30:17
0:30:19
Derek, Emily. Emily, Derek.
0:30:19
0:30:22
Sorry I wasn't at the airport. The kids and the party...
0:30:22
0:30:26
Mommy!
0:30:26
0:30:27
We opened three new yoghurt shops in Pennsylvania.
0:30:27
0:30:31
I told him.
0:30:31
0:30:33
Hold it. I'm right here. Wait!
0:30:33
0:30:36
I'd give you the grand tour, but I can't.
0:30:36
0:30:39
If you'd like to wash up, you can. Your room is upstairs on the left.
0:30:39
0:30:45
-Welcome aboard.
-Nice to meet you.
0:30:45
0:30:48
I thought I made it pretty clear that...
0:30:48
0:30:51
Second door on the left, right?
0:30:52
0:30:55
Good to see ya, buddy. Hey, you forgot your bag.
0:30:55
0:30:59
Thank you.
0:30:59
0:31:01
Jordan for two! It's...
0:31:01
0:31:03
..not.
0:31:05
0:31:07
-Hey, Dad!
-Just a second.
-I just wanna show you something real quick.
0:31:08
0:31:13
-This is Molly's shot from three.
-Show me what you got.
-All right.
0:31:13
0:31:19
You'll have to work harder if you wanna make the big leagues.
0:31:23
0:31:28
Oh...
0:31:31
0:31:33
I'm home!
0:31:36
0:31:39
Yow!
0:31:39
0:31:41
Oh, yeah!
0:31:43
0:31:45
Pillow for me! La la la la!
0:31:45
0:31:47
Pillowman to the rescue!
0:31:47
0:31:50
Put de lime in de coconut and mix it all up.
0:31:50
0:31:54
Daddy said to give these to you.
0:31:54
0:31:56
Well, er, here you go.
0:31:56
0:31:59
-Will you teach me French?
-French?
0:31:59
0:32:03
Daddy said you've lived in France.
0:32:03
0:32:08
Aren't you a little young for French?
0:32:05
0:32:08
-I already know some.
-You do, huh?
0:32:08
0:32:12
-Bonjour is hello.
-Tell you what...
0:32:12
0:32:14
-Au revoir is goodbye.
-You are a Frenchwoman.
0:32:14
0:32:17
Comment allez-vous - how are you?
0:32:17
0:32:22
How about a game?
0:32:19
0:32:22
-What did Daddy say about me?
-He knew you in summer camp.
0:32:22
0:32:27
-Right.
-You live in Baltimore.
0:32:27
0:32:30
What do I do for a living?
0:32:30
0:32:33
You're a very successful d...
0:32:33
0:32:34
-(EMILY) Stop bothering Derek! >
-Sarah!
0:32:34
0:32:38
Sarah!
0:32:38
0:32:41
Hey, buddy.
0:32:39
0:32:41
Better get ready for the thing tonight.
0:32:41
0:32:45
Oh, yes, the thing. Of course, the thing. I can't wait.
0:32:45
0:32:50
Me neither.
0:32:50
0:32:52
All right, let's see what we got. I don't care if it look good, just fit
0:32:54
0:32:59
Groverton Funeral Home? I'm dead.
0:33:07
0:33:11
You are grounded, young lady.
0:33:11
0:33:15
Go to your room for the rest of the night.
0:33:15
0:33:18
Great!
0:33:18
0:33:19
Let's be cool. Let's just do this.
0:33:29
0:33:32
How ya doin'? Hi.
0:33:37
0:33:40
May I have one of those big, fat...? Yeah!
0:33:41
0:33:45
-Hi.
-Hi.
0:33:45
0:33:47
-Derek, meet a friend of mine, Tom Miller.
-Hi.
0:33:49
0:33:53
Is that a burger behind your back?
0:33:53
0:33:59
Oh, this?
0:33:55
0:33:59
This steroid-filled, high-cholesterol beef!
0:33:59
0:34:02
You know what this does to the heart? I'm ashamed of you, Gary.
0:34:02
0:34:08
-We buy the best meat.
-Sorry. I'm vegetarian.
0:34:08
0:34:11
I'd like to knock all this meat... Meat is so dangerous.
0:34:11
0:34:16
Tom chairs the chess, bridge and, of course, poker night down at the club
0:34:16
0:34:22
-What does that stand for?
-Oh...
0:34:22
0:34:26
The Gaming Foundation of Harlem.
0:34:26
0:34:28
A charitable organisation, right?
0:34:28
0:34:31
You said it.
0:34:31
0:34:35
-Nice guy.
-Oh, he's the genuine article.
0:34:31
0:34:35
GFH?
0:34:35
0:34:36
My grandfather... General Francois Heimlich-Manoeuvre.
0:34:36
0:34:41
Good guy.
0:34:41
0:34:43
-What is GFH?
-Gemstones Furs and Haberdashery.
0:34:43
0:34:46
-Graduated from Oxford.
-I went to Harvard.
-Harvard Street!
0:34:46
0:34:51
-My gospel group - Godliness, Faithful and Honest.
-Amen.
0:34:51
0:34:56
Geeks For Hire. You'd fit in.
0:34:56
0:34:58
-Gas From Humans. Girls From the Hood. Girls Feedin' Homies.
-That's a joke?
0:34:58
0:35:03
# Godliness Faithful and Honest... #
0:35:03
0:35:06
Oh!
0:35:06
0:35:07
Good Fine and Healthy. And, baby, you it, you know?
0:35:07
0:35:11
Derek! Ronald Timmerman. Great to know you. I hear you're one of the top guys.
0:35:11
0:35:17
I just do what I do.
0:35:17
0:35:23
You must have heard of me. We have mutual friends.
0:35:19
0:35:23
I don't think so.
0:35:23
0:35:26
Timmerman.
0:35:24
0:35:26
Penn State. Hopkins. Had two papers published in the journal last year.
0:35:26
0:35:30
Oh, RON Timmerman! I thought you said Rob. Ron's like Rob.
0:35:30
0:35:34
Stuffed mushroom?
0:35:34
0:35:40
I'm in training. I'm a runner in the Sewickley 5K.
0:35:35
0:35:40
Derek! Having a good time?
0:35:40
0:35:43
Jerry Jordan, the J-Man!
0:35:43
0:35:49
I hear you're the best in your field.
0:35:45
0:35:49
Janey! Look at my wife.
0:35:49
0:35:52
Well, D-Man, what do you think?
0:35:52
0:35:55
Lucky man!
0:35:55
0:35:57
Can you do something for her?
0:35:57
0:36:03
Oh! Oh, I... Oh, I...
0:35:59
0:36:03
-I'd pay you.
-You couldn't pay me.
0:36:03
0:36:06
You see the size of that moth? It's gonna get in someone's hair.
0:36:06
0:36:11
The guy's a hoot. You said he was a stuffed shirt.
0:36:11
0:36:16
Not since the accident.
0:36:16
0:36:18
There's a lot you should know about Derek. I'll tell you all about him.
0:36:18
0:36:23
-Did you go to summer camp?
-Yes.
-We went to Camp Mapleridge.
0:36:23
0:36:27
Same cabin both years. Legendary Cabin 6.
0:36:27
0:36:32
On Lake Caba... Cabaclou...
0:36:32
0:36:35
Some Indian name.
0:36:35
0:36:38
Derek taught me Spin The Bottle. Not with the two of us - with the girls.
0:36:38
0:36:43
Michelle Castel. I teach French. I hear you're fluent.
0:36:43
0:36:48
Bonjour, bonjour! Baisez moi!
0:36:48
0:36:51
Whatever Derek tried, he always pulled it off.
0:36:51
0:36:55
Mais, en marveil...
0:36:55
0:37:00
# Michelle, my belle! #
0:36:56
0:37:00
-So I wasn't surprised to hear he was a DDS.
-DDS?
0:37:00
0:37:04
A dentist.
0:37:04
0:37:06
Did I use the term improperly?
0:37:06
0:37:12
No! But you don't use DDS once you graduate.
0:37:07
0:37:12
Not DDS. I'm a dentist! Gimme some!
0:37:12
0:37:15
I couldn't be prouder! I'll yell a little louder!
0:37:15
0:37:19
It's always nice to see someone who truly enjoys his work.
0:37:19
0:37:25
Sorry. I sell beautiful smiles. I just get excited.
How're you doin'?
0:37:31
0:37:34
Sorry I insulted you. You're so refined. Can I help you?
0:37:34
0:37:38
Go ahead.
0:37:38
0:37:43
I worked my way through dental school doin' this.
0:37:39
0:37:43
Mmm?
0:37:43
0:37:44
Ohhh!
0:37:46
0:37:48
Oh!
0:37:52
0:37:53
Sorry.
0:37:53
0:37:55
Need some help. Anyone got a hose?
0:37:55
0:37:58
Now for the thing we've waited for.
0:37:58
0:38:01
Derek, oenophile extraordinaire, will introduce my favourite wines.
0:38:01
0:38:06
But first, Derek, your comments.
0:38:06
0:38:09
Thank you, Gary.
0:38:13
0:38:15
Well...
0:38:16
0:38:18
We have some dark wines and light wines for...dark and light people.
0:38:18
0:38:23
This one here is a... Chattie Laffit.
0:38:23
0:38:26
This is a happy wine.
0:38:26
0:38:29
No sense holdin' the party up. Pass this round and drink up.
0:38:29
0:38:33
Don't you smell the cork? What about the nose?
0:38:33
0:38:38
What about the booty? You want the cork? Here.
0:38:38
0:38:42
Who are you to tell me - xylophone extraordinaire - how to taste wine?
0:38:42
0:38:47
Vincent Montgomery, wine critic for the Sewickley Register.
0:38:47
0:38:52
-PEOPLE MURMUR
-May I?
-You may.
0:38:52
0:38:56
Please.
0:39:01
0:39:03
SLURPING
0:39:19
0:39:22
I like my wine bright, rich, mature...
0:39:34
0:39:39
..developed, seductive,
0:39:39
0:39:42
with nice legs and a prolonged finish.
0:39:42
0:39:46
Sounds like you need a woman.
0:39:46
0:39:49
Some folks drink wine, some people date.
0:39:49
0:39:52
Gimme that bottle.
0:39:52
0:39:55
Drink up.
0:39:55
0:39:57
Why not drink it right out the bottle?
0:39:57
0:40:01
You wanna get a party started?
0:40:01
0:40:04
Out the bottle. You can do it.
0:40:04
0:40:06
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
0:40:06
0:40:10
CHANT CONTINUES
0:40:10
0:40:12
THEY CHEER
0:40:14
0:40:16
This is a party, people. Drink up!
0:40:16
0:40:19
Hey, I'm here! Party in the crib!
0:40:32
0:40:35
DRUNKEN SHRIEKS OF LAUGHTER
0:40:35
0:40:39
I love you...!
0:40:41
0:40:44
I love you!
0:40:45
0:40:46
# She knows she's got everything
0:40:48
0:40:51
# That a woman needs to get a man
0:40:51
0:40:56
# Well, hang close
0:41:03
0:41:06
# She's mighty mighty!
0:41:10
0:41:13
# Aaaaooooow!
0:41:15
0:41:18
# She's a play house
0:41:21
0:41:25
# She's the one, the only one... #
0:41:25
0:41:31
ROCK MUSIC PLAYS
0:41:50
0:41:53
Our daughter is getting weirder and weirder.
0:42:00
0:42:03
She'll grow out of it.
0:42:03
0:42:05
Emily, don't you see what's happening here?
0:42:11
0:42:14
You gotta spend more time with the girls.
0:42:15
0:42:18
More time with them, less time with Emily's Yoghurt Madness.
0:42:18
0:42:24
It's a question of priorities, honey.
0:42:24
0:42:27
That's not fair.
0:42:27
0:42:32
At least Derek hasn't let success change him.
0:42:28
0:42:32
You'd never know he was a dentist. He didn't talk about work all night.
0:42:32
0:42:38
-That's because he's secure.
-Meaning?
0:42:38
0:42:41
Mmm.
0:42:41
0:42:45
-You said
-he's
-secure. What do you mean?
0:42:42
0:42:45
Oh...
0:42:45
0:42:48
Well...
0:42:48
0:42:49
When I first met him I said, this is a guy who knows who he is.
0:42:49
0:42:54
He's comfortable with it.
0:42:54
0:42:56
Hmm. Comfortable.
0:42:57
0:43:00
Who's insecure?
0:43:06
0:43:07
Huh?
0:43:07
0:43:09
-You said
-he's
-secure. Who's insecure?
0:43:09
0:43:12
Who is "he"?
0:43:14
0:43:18
Look, I don't wanna argue with you.
0:43:15
0:43:18
Who's insecure?
0:43:18
0:43:20
-You said
-he's
-secure.
0:43:20
0:43:22
He is.
0:43:22
0:43:24
-I...
-No, that's all right.
0:43:24
0:43:27
Thanks. So much.
0:43:27
0:43:29
Are we having an argument?
0:43:29
0:43:32
Sure you know what a Harley looks like?
0:43:34
0:43:37
Better not look like no Honda.
0:43:37
0:43:39
Just take a seat.
0:43:44
0:43:46
Buddy.
0:43:46
0:43:48
Wait your turn!
0:43:48
0:43:50
Next?
0:43:53
0:43:55
-Where's Franklin?
-Who?
-Franklin.
-PHONE RINGS
0:43:55
0:43:58
He used you as a reference for a loan.
0:43:58
0:44:05
-I don't know...
-Answer your phone.
0:44:01
0:44:05
Answer it!
0:44:05
0:44:07
What?!
0:44:07
0:44:09
-Where you been?
-Thank God it's you... Mother.
0:44:09
0:44:12
-Man...!
-She's been to Florida.
0:44:12
0:44:15
-Tell her to hurry up.
-I'm stayin' with a family...
0:44:15
0:44:18
Come and get me right now, man.
0:44:18
0:44:24
No, no, no! Mom, er...
0:44:21
0:44:24
I will not come and get you,
0:44:24
0:44:26
because I have two very angry Italian customers
0:44:26
0:44:30
-'demanding service'!
-They're there?
0:44:30
0:44:33
-Stay put, Mom.
-What'll I do?
0:44:33
0:44:36
Be a good houseguest. If they ask you to do something, say, "Sure."
0:44:36
0:44:41
Maybe you can stay.
0:44:41
0:44:43
-Come on!
-Sure.
-Man?!
0:44:43
0:44:48
Gotta go. I love you, son.
0:44:45
0:44:48
-Pauly!
-Mama-san... She's half Japanese.
0:44:48
0:44:52
Franklin?
0:44:52
0:44:54
-(HIGH VOICE) Where's my son?
-Sorry, lady.
0:44:54
0:44:58
I need some Depends. It ain't easy in the bathroom.
0:44:58
0:45:02
Oooh, I done used the bathroom on myself!
0:45:02
0:45:05
Sorry, lady!
0:45:05
0:45:07
Ain't nothin' that'll make me give in my brother!
0:45:07
0:45:11
He's in Sewickley, stayin' with some folks he don't know as a houseguest.
0:45:11
0:45:16
Larry's my main man. He ain't gonna give me up. We like this.
0:45:16
0:45:20
Oh, man...
0:45:22
0:45:24
He's weak. He's neurotic. He gave me up! He gave me up!
0:45:24
0:45:28
I gotta get outta here.
0:45:28
0:45:31
Buddy?
0:45:38
0:45:39
Your breakfast of champions awaits you.
0:45:39
0:45:43
Morning, Derek.
0:45:43
0:45:44
Come on. Muesli, soya milk, papaya slices. I don't know how you do it.
0:45:44
0:45:50
-Me neither.
-Well, it's commendable.
0:45:50
0:45:53
Kids, this is a free man. Derek and I cleared the decks for three days.
0:45:53
0:45:58
Wish your mother could do the same.
0:45:58
0:46:01
Steve and I are doing grave-rubbings today.
0:46:01
0:46:05
Honey, you can do that any time.
0:46:05
0:46:07
Dad, it's Memorial Day. It's a memorial tribute
0:46:07
0:46:12
to the great poets who gave so much at the expense of their own lives.
0:46:12
0:46:16
Edgar Allen Poe, Virginia Woolf, Sylvia Plath.
0:46:16
0:46:20
It wouldn't kill us to spend time together like families do.
0:46:20
0:46:25
Right, Derek?
0:46:25
0:46:27
Um...
0:46:27
0:46:28
I...
0:46:28
0:46:30
Family togetherness is very important.
0:46:32
0:46:36
You're all ganging up on me!
0:46:36
0:46:38
Why can't you be normal? I can't stand it!
0:46:38
0:46:42
-Then again...
-I'm sorry, Derek.
0:46:42
0:46:45
Look, everybody.
0:46:45
0:46:47
We can all do whatever we want today,
0:46:47
0:46:50
but tomorrow it's family day. We're spending it with our buddy Derek.
0:46:50
0:46:55
Great breakfast. But you can have too much of a good thing. Gotta run.
0:46:55
0:47:01
Speaking of which,
0:47:01
0:47:04
we have a little present for you.
0:47:04
0:47:06
Hope you enjoy them.
0:47:06
0:47:09
Thanks.
0:47:11
0:47:13
Whoa. These are nice!
0:47:15
0:47:18
Man...
0:47:18
0:47:20
How'd you know my size?
0:47:20
0:47:22
Eyeballed your dogs. Put myself through law school selling shoes.
0:47:22
0:47:27
-13E as soon as I saw you.
-Yeah!
0:47:27
0:47:30
I signed you up for the 5K. It's to raise money for Sarah's school.
0:47:30
0:47:35
-Please, Derek!
-No problem. If I'm still here.
0:47:35
0:47:39
-It's tomorrow!
-I'm there.
0:47:39
0:47:42
-Great athlete.
-What's your best sport?
0:47:42
0:47:45
I didn't have a best...
0:47:45
0:47:47
He was the Michael Jordan of camp.
0:47:47
0:47:51
-Could you teach me?
-Derek's on vacation.
0:47:51
0:47:54
-We'll go to the country club.
-Country club.
0:47:54
0:47:57
-Show me that famous golf swing.
-Can't wait.
0:47:57
0:48:01
Gary, I can't believe you set me up like that!
0:48:01
0:48:06
I can't do this to these people.
0:48:06
0:48:09
-There are children here!
-Sorry!
0:48:09
0:48:12
-OK...
-Mr Good Guy!
-La la la la!
0:48:12
0:48:15
Er...
0:48:15
0:48:17
Thank you for your hospitality.
0:48:17
0:48:20
Sorry if I've been any kind of inconvenience.
0:48:20
0:48:23
We're glad to have you.
0:48:23
0:48:25
Derek, you're the perfect guest.
0:48:25
0:48:28
I didn't mean to interrupt a family...
0:48:28
0:48:31
Whoa...!
0:48:37
0:48:38
Hey, Carl. Wassup? You know we're brothers. You're my main man!
0:48:45
0:48:50
-Woof! Woof!
-Come on, Carl!
0:48:50
0:48:53
Stop! Stay!
0:48:53
0:48:56
Good dog, Carl.
0:48:56
0:48:58
Good morning.
0:48:58
0:49:01
How are you?
-CHOIR:
-# You deserve a break today
0:49:06
0:49:10
# So get up and get away! #
0:49:10
0:49:15
May I take your order, please?
0:49:19
0:49:24
Big Mac, Quarter Pounder with cheese
0:49:21
0:49:24
Deluxe with cheese, cheeseburger,
0:49:24
0:49:28
a large order of fries, and a large Coke.
0:49:28
0:49:32
-10.87, sir.
-Change that.
0:49:32
0:49:35
-Oh.
-Quarter Pounder with cheese...
0:49:35
0:49:37
Large Coke...
0:49:37
0:49:40
..large fries.
0:49:40
0:49:41
-4.07, sir.
-All right!
0:49:41
0:49:44
Thank you, sir.
0:49:49
0:49:51
-We're in the vicinity.
-Vicinity? What's that mean?
0:49:51
0:49:56
Close.
0:49:56
0:49:57
-He's with a family in Sewicky.
-Sewickley.
0:49:57
0:50:01
-Vicinity?
-No exact address.
-Pauly...
-Shut up!
0:50:01
0:50:05
-What?!
-Not you. Some Jehovah's Witnesses want the phone. Back off!
0:50:05
0:50:10
-See you. Bye.
-Pinhead!
0:50:10
0:50:12
-What's the matter with you?
-Franklin!
0:50:12
0:50:15
In McDonald's.
0:50:15
0:50:17
-You didn't see him!
-I did!
-What're you doin'? Get in the car!
0:50:17
0:50:21
Nice Porsche.
0:50:21
0:50:24
Hey, wassup?
0:50:33
0:50:34
Thought I missed somethin'.
0:50:39
0:50:41
How far can I get for a dollar and, er...
0:50:41
0:50:45
..33 cents?
0:50:45
0:50:47
Hello!
0:50:48
0:50:50
To Alaquipa.
0:50:51
0:50:54
Alaquipa? How far is that?
0:50:54
0:50:57
About a half a mile up the road.
0:50:59
0:51:02
Half a mile? Forget that.
0:51:02
0:51:04
Gimme one of those.
0:51:04
0:51:06
Don't go too fast. I don't want you to hurt yourself.
0:51:06
0:51:10
The newest game in town.
0:51:14
0:51:17
I feel mighty lucky, partner.
0:51:17
0:51:20
-I swear I saw him.
-Where did you see him?
0:51:20
0:51:23
There!
0:51:23
0:51:25
I'll run him down!
0:51:27
0:51:29
Nice fence!
0:51:58
0:52:00
Sorry, lady.
0:52:06
0:52:08
HORN HONKS
0:52:11
0:52:13
Hop in. I've been looking for you.
0:52:13
0:52:16
We'll be late for tee-time.
0:52:16
0:52:19
What's with the suitcase?
0:52:19
0:52:21
I get a cardiovascular work-out with the weight.
0:52:21
0:52:25
Franklin!
0:52:25
0:52:26
-He got away.
-My head don't hurt no more.
0:52:26
0:52:29
-How does it feel now?! Come on, before we lose him.
-All right, Pauly.
0:52:29
0:52:35
There they go.
0:52:46
0:52:48
-All right, already!
-Sorry, Pauly.
0:52:48
0:52:51
You're like a broken record, Joey!
0:52:51
0:52:54
This is a bad idea. I don't have my sticks or the right clothes...
0:52:54
0:52:59
The pro shop'll fix you up.
0:52:59
0:53:01
-No wallet.
-It's on me, buddy. Come on.
0:53:01
0:53:05
# Lovin' life, lovin' life
0:53:05
0:53:08
# La la la la, la-la la la la
0:53:08
0:53:13
# Lovin' life, lovin' life
0:53:13
0:53:16
# La la la la, la-la la la la
0:53:16
0:53:21
# Oh, yeah
0:53:22
0:53:24
# Life is pleasure and the child of pain
0:53:29
0:53:33
# And so much better when you know the game
0:53:33
0:53:37
# If you're ready come and go with me
0:53:37
0:53:41
# Come on, everybody, laugh and sing
0:53:41
0:53:46
# You should be lovin' life, lovin' life. #
0:53:46
0:53:49
I look like Fat Albert.
0:53:49
0:53:51
There's a striking resemblance.
0:53:51
0:53:54
-Wow! This is somethin'.
-Nice joint.
0:53:56
0:53:59
May we help you?
0:53:59
0:54:01
Just lookin' around.
0:54:01
0:54:03
-Considering membership?
-Yeah.
0:54:03
0:54:06
-Which members are your sponsors?
-The Miller...
-Smiths.
0:54:06
0:54:11
The Miller-Smiths.
0:54:11
0:54:14
-You're acquainted with the Miller-Smiths?
-Sure.
0:54:14
0:54:18
They're very nice people.
0:54:18
0:54:20
Very nice. Terrific.
0:54:20
0:54:22
I think we can arrange a tour.
0:54:22
0:54:25
-Follow me.
-Thank you.
-This way.
0:54:25
0:54:27
-Sorry we're late.
-Still time for another Bloody Mary.
0:54:27
0:54:32
Poncho, another round of BMs over here.
0:54:32
0:54:35
-It's Pablo, Don.
-Pablo, Poncho - who cares if the drinks are strong.
0:54:35
0:54:40
Mr Pike, this is Derek Bond. You know Ron, our family dentist.
0:54:40
0:54:45
Fellow dentist. That's marvellous.
0:54:45
0:54:48
-Slap me five there, brother!
-Why don't I just slap you?
0:54:48
0:54:54
Where'd you find this boy?
0:54:54
0:54:56
-Boy?
-He's pure gold, Jerry.
0:54:56
0:55:00
-Gary.
-Good to have a man of your persuasion along.
0:55:00
0:55:03
Wrap these up, Poncho. We're teeing off.
0:55:03
0:55:07
Bring the clubs too. Come on, Poncho!
0:55:07
0:55:11
Stop thinking about those senoritas and let's go!
0:55:11
0:55:16
Mayor idiota!
0:55:16
0:55:19
You work hard for me, son, and I want you to know I appreciate it.
0:55:20
0:55:25
Thank you, Mr Pike.
0:55:25
0:55:27
The clients like you and you're always available when I need you.
0:55:27
0:55:33
-I try, sir.
-I have a little secret.
0:55:33
0:55:35
We just signed a new client, Beaver Meadows, a frozen food conglomerate.
0:55:35
0:55:40
-Really?
-They're branching out.
0:55:40
0:55:43
They're starting a yoghurt chain - 91 Choices - some crap like that.
0:55:43
0:55:47
But my wife is in the yoghurt business.
0:55:47
0:55:51
Great! You have the inside track.
0:55:51
0:55:54
The files are on your desk. First meeting - Tuesday morning.
0:55:54
0:55:58
Will we be ready?
0:55:58
0:56:01
Er... Yeah, we'll be ready. It's just, I have to...
0:56:01
0:56:05
We'll be ready.
0:56:05
0:56:08
-Are your balls dirty?
-What?!
0:56:08
0:56:11
I wash my balls religiously.
0:56:11
0:56:13
I like 'em so clean you can feel every dimple.
0:56:13
0:56:17
-Thanks for sharing that.
-Clean balls, clean play.
0:56:17
0:56:21
It's best to get it in the hole with the least amount of strokes, right?
0:56:21
0:56:26
-What?!
-Lemme wash your balls.
0:56:26
0:56:28
-No way!
-We'll wash 'em together.
-Chill out!
0:56:28
0:56:31
I'll wash, you dry. They'll go further.
0:56:31
0:56:35
-You're about to get hurt.
-Just unzip and pull out your balls.
-Back up!
0:56:35
0:56:39
All right! Geez. Sorry. Suit yourself.
0:56:39
0:56:42
The Pink Terrace, named after Sir Jonas Pink.
0:56:49
0:56:52
-Love the colour.
-Home of afternoon tea, exclusively for ladies.
0:56:52
0:56:57
-Afternoon, ladies.
-Afternoon.
0:56:57
0:56:59
What kind of boring golf is this?
0:57:11
0:57:14
Ever play speed golf?
0:57:14
0:57:16
Like speed chess, right?
0:57:16
0:57:18
You know everything. We all tee off at the same time.
0:57:18
0:57:23
We all hit the ball at the same time, right?
0:57:23
0:57:27
Don't look at anybody else.
0:57:27
0:57:29
It's a great game. You ready? It's gonna be great. One, two,
0:57:29
0:57:33
three, go!
0:57:33
0:57:35
Nice shot, Mr Pike.
0:57:37
0:57:39
-Tough break, chip.
-Let's go.
0:57:39
0:57:42
Come on!
0:57:42
0:57:44
-There he is! Show us the course.
-Of course.
0:57:44
0:57:48
ALL SHOUT AND LAUGH
0:57:49
0:57:51
Come on!
0:58:12
0:58:14
Hit the ball!
0:58:14
0:58:16
HAPPY YELLS
0:58:34
0:58:37
Boy, this is a treat. This is our ninth hole.
0:58:38
0:58:42
Notice the slight dog-leg?
0:58:42
0:58:44
At the '72 Open,
0:58:44
0:58:46
Arnold Palmer made a hole in one.
0:58:46
0:58:49
I was just a boy, but it made an impact...
0:58:49
0:58:52
-Make it stop, Joey.
-Whoa!
0:58:52
0:58:55
There he goes, Pauly!
0:58:55
0:58:58
Hey! This can affect your membership!
0:58:58
0:59:01
There!
0:59:01
0:59:02
Speed golf - we skip holes three to six.
0:59:02
0:59:06
Hold on, guys!
0:59:06
0:59:08
We lost Pike!
0:59:14
0:59:16
Stop that cart!
0:59:20
0:59:22
Must be some more guys playing speed golf.
0:59:25
0:59:30
They're shootin' us!
0:59:32
0:59:34
Mr Pike!
0:59:34
0:59:36
All right?
0:59:36
0:59:37
My damn tooth's broken!
0:59:37
0:59:40
-He needs a dentist.
-You do it.
0:59:40
0:59:43
This is outta my area. I'd lose my licence.
0:59:43
0:59:46
You're the world-renowned dentist. I'll just watch.
0:59:46
0:59:50
Let a real dentist go to work. Step back! He could have a heart attack.
0:59:50
0:59:56
I've seen it before. Oh, this is bad.
0:59:56
1:00:00
-Say "Aaahh."
-Aaahh.
-This is bad.
1:00:00
1:00:02
-This man needs a Tic Tac.
-Do you think the tooth needs to come out?
1:00:02
1:00:07
-What do
-you
-think?
-I asked you.
-That's why I have papers published.
1:00:07
1:00:13
-70 last year, to be exact, cos...
-OK, I'll look at him.
1:00:13
1:00:17
-Mmm.
-Mmm. He has a date with the tooth fairy.
1:00:21
1:00:25
Horizontal fracture with a periapical infection,
1:00:25
1:00:30
and pulpal necrosis.
1:00:30
1:00:32
He needs a root amputation to avoid periodontal trauma.
1:00:32
1:00:36
I'd administer 7.2cc of xylocaine with epinephrine.
1:00:36
1:00:41
But... What do you think?
1:00:41
1:00:43
Let me see that, Doctor.
1:00:43
1:00:46
Yeah, OK.
1:00:48
1:00:50
That's better than tyin' a string to a doorknob and slammin' it shut.
1:00:50
1:00:55
-Yes, Brenda?
-Dr Timmerman,
1:00:59
1:01:01
you have a visitor.
1:01:01
1:01:04
Good.
1:01:04
1:01:06
I'll be right back.
1:01:06
1:01:09
You might wanna get washed up first.
1:01:11
1:01:14
Brenda, go! You're embarrassing me.
1:01:15
1:01:18
-Do your thing, Derek.
-Hey, Gary!
1:01:18
1:01:21
I'll clean up.
1:01:25
1:01:27
We want Franklin! We want Franklin!
1:01:34
1:01:37
Franklin's up!
1:01:37
1:01:39
Have I got a surprise for you! Dr Walter Kraft!
1:01:39
1:01:43
-Who?
-Pittsburgh Dental School. He's here with his class.
1:01:43
1:01:48
-Walter!
-He's gonna watch you.
1:01:48
1:01:51
-Great!
-When he heard you were here he came right over.
1:01:51
1:01:55
-Good.
-You do remember Walter?
1:01:55
1:01:58
-Kinda...
-He must've been teaching when you went through the programme.
1:01:58
1:02:03
-Teach... Oh!
-Brenda!
1:02:03
1:02:06
-I didn't need classes.
-Get some more anaesthetic, please!
1:02:06
1:02:10
No... Not now!
1:02:15
1:02:18
Nnngggh!
1:02:18
1:02:21
Shhh!
1:02:19
1:02:21
-Grrnnnngh!
-Would you shut up?!
1:02:21
1:02:24
-Here he is!
-He's ready.
1:02:26
1:02:29
Step in, everybody.
1:02:29
1:02:32
May I introduce to you Dr Derek Bond?
1:02:32
1:02:36
POLITE APPLAUSE
1:02:36
1:02:38
My brother. Wha's up?
1:02:38
1:02:41
Dr Kraft, here's your famous student.
1:02:41
1:02:45
Put on a little weight, eh?
1:02:47
1:02:51
Now that Dr Bond has anaesthetised the patient,
1:02:53
1:02:57
I will remove the maxillary right...
1:02:57
1:03:00
Could we see Dr Bond perform the procedure?
1:03:00
1:03:04
That's an excellent idea.
1:03:04
1:03:07
No, no, no. With all these malpractice suits runnin' around,
1:03:07
1:03:12
I get a headache just thinkin' about workin' in another state....
1:03:12
1:03:17
-Come on!
-Stick your mitts in there.
1:03:17
1:03:20
There.
1:03:24
1:03:25
Well... Let's get to work.
1:03:25
1:03:27
All right.
1:03:32
1:03:33
I have small hands, so I developed the Derek Bond two-handed grip.
1:03:33
1:03:38
Always take your time.
1:03:38
1:03:41
Touch them to reassure that you're their friend.
1:03:41
1:03:45
I'm your friend. I'm your friend.
1:03:45
1:03:49
Hey, Derek!
1:03:51
1:03:54
Wow!
1:03:54
1:03:57
Oh, thank you...
1:03:55
1:03:57
Thank you.
1:03:57
1:03:59
-I want a list of members.
-Every member!
1:03:59
1:04:03
Nnnnggghh...
1:04:03
1:04:04
Gimme it!
1:04:04
1:04:07
This'll take us right to him.
1:04:07
1:04:09
When I was a kid, feeling down...
1:04:09
1:04:12
..I'd come down here with one of these,
1:04:12
1:04:16
and things wouldn't seem so bad any more.
1:04:16
1:04:20
There's a lot of opportunity in yoghurt.
1:04:20
1:04:23
Beaver Meadows won't affect Emily's Yoghurt Madness.
1:04:23
1:04:27
A little healthy competition.
1:04:27
1:04:30
Derek...
1:04:34
1:04:36
What about your diet?
1:04:36
1:04:39
Sometimes my weaknesses get the best of me.
1:04:39
1:04:43
Don't judge me for this.
1:04:43
1:04:49
Judge you? I'm glad you're not perfect.
1:04:44
1:04:49
It makes me feel better about myself.
1:04:49
1:04:52
You got fries?
1:04:52
1:04:55
Yeah.
1:04:53
1:04:55
-It'll be our little secret.
-Thank you, man.
1:04:55
1:04:58
It's funny how much simpler things seemed when we were kids.
1:04:58
1:05:03
-Those were the days, right?
-Right.
1:05:03
1:05:06
Cabin six.
1:05:06
1:05:08
Cabin six.
1:05:08
1:05:09
-# Oh, Mapleridge, oh, Mapleridge
-..Mapleridge...
1:05:09
1:05:14
-# We come to you each summer
-..Summer...
1:05:14
1:05:18
# Oh, Mapleridge, oh, Mapleridge
1:05:18
1:05:22
-# Where all our friends are brothers
-Doo-bee-doo
1:05:22
1:05:26
-# We like to ride a horse or two
-Scooby-doo-bee
1:05:26
1:05:29
# Doo-bee-doo... #
Oh, man, I feel bad.
1:05:42
1:05:44
I mean, I invite you here, you make the trip, and now I have to work.
1:05:44
1:05:49
After 25 years of friendship? Come on, man, it can't affect us.
1:05:49
1:05:54
It's too deep, my brother.
1:05:54
1:05:57
You've been such a good sport about everything.
1:05:57
1:06:00
There's no place I'd rather be than here with you and your family.
1:06:00
1:06:06
Larry, I know you're there. Pick up the phone.
1:06:06
1:06:11
I'm talkin' to my imaginary friend Larry.
1:06:11
1:06:14
-Tea?
-Tea? Yes.
1:06:14
1:06:17
Oooh, these cups are so big!
1:06:17
1:06:20
OW! THAT'S COLD!!
1:06:20
1:06:22
-Sorry!
-Ow!
1:06:22
1:06:24
Ow! Ow! Ow!
1:06:24
1:06:26
Sarah, wait! Sarah!
1:06:26
1:06:29
Daddy, Derek's funny.
1:06:29
1:06:32
I'll see you guys at dinner.
1:06:32
1:06:34
-You were taking me to ballet.
-You were taking me to basketball.
1:06:34
1:06:39
-You said I could work.
-It's always me that takes off work.
1:06:39
1:06:44
What about that family solidarity day? You're making a huge effort(!)
1:06:44
1:06:49
-It's a competition?
-No, that's not it.
1:06:49
1:06:52
-Go, Dad.
-We can work this out.
1:06:52
1:06:54
-I'll dry this here.
-Derek?
1:06:54
1:06:57
-You wouldn't mind?
-Please, Derek!
1:06:57
1:07:01
No problem. I'll drive the car pool. I mean, how hard could that be?
1:07:01
1:07:06
OFF-KEY SINGING
1:07:06
1:07:09
Guys, that's my ear!
1:07:09
1:07:12
ROCK MUSIC PLAYS
1:07:12
1:07:14
Jason! Leave it on the soul station!
1:07:14
1:07:18
I said leave the radio alone, right?
1:07:18
1:07:21
We was there.
1:07:21
1:07:23
Uh-uh.
1:07:23
1:07:25
Sarah, stop! You're gonna make me have an accident!
1:07:25
1:07:29
Uh-oh.
1:07:29
1:07:30
Jason, time for a drivin' lesson.
1:07:30
1:07:33
Every young man should know how to drive.
1:07:33
1:07:37
The best part of bein' a kid.
1:07:37
1:07:39
-I'm 11.
-I'll drive.
1:07:39
1:07:42
-I can't reach the pedals.
-I'll do that.
1:07:42
1:07:45
-Scaredy-cat!
-The light's green.
1:07:45
1:07:48
OK.
1:07:48
1:07:50
Pauly!
1:07:50
1:07:51
Follow 'em!
1:07:51
1:07:54
Loosen up a little. Become one with the road.
1:07:56
1:08:00
Not that loose!
1:08:00
1:08:02
Get back on the road!
1:08:03
1:08:05
Caress the wheel like you would a woman.
1:08:09
1:08:12
-I never caressed a woman.
-What
-do
-you do?!
1:08:12
1:08:15
I play video games.
1:08:15
1:08:18
Come on, now!
1:08:18
1:08:20
You're losin' him!
1:08:26
1:08:28
Yellow light!
1:08:29
1:08:32
Red light!
1:08:32
1:08:34
Thanks.
1:08:36
1:08:38
Hi.
1:08:44
1:08:45
-Bunch of kids joyridin'.
-What's the world comin' to, Pauly?
1:08:46
1:08:51
Thank you, Mr Apistophilis.
1:08:51
1:08:54
Who?
1:08:54
1:08:55
Stupid! He's the most major philosophist alive today!
1:08:55
1:08:59
I'm gonna split. Got some change?
1:08:59
1:09:02
For a call, in case the car breaks down.
1:09:02
1:09:05
-But that won't happen.
-All right. See you later.
1:09:05
1:09:09
Hey, there's a pigeon. Check this out.
1:09:09
1:09:13
Can I get the ball?
1:09:13
1:09:16
Sorry.
1:09:16
1:09:17
Too late!
1:09:17
1:09:20
-Gimme the ball back!
-Jason.
1:09:22
1:09:24
Problem?
1:09:24
1:09:26
Has Mommy come to wipe your nose?
1:09:26
1:09:29
Pickin' on little dudes? You just bad!
1:09:29
1:09:32
Can I see the ball? He's so strong.
1:09:32
1:09:35
Hey, tough guys,
1:09:35
1:09:37
how about we play basketball, us against all five of you?
1:09:37
1:09:41
(JEERING)
1:09:41
1:09:43
I really, really suck.
1:09:43
1:09:45
You do not suck. Never say that. Basketball's a matter of confidence.
1:09:46
1:09:51
I've watched you. You have game.
1:09:51
1:09:54
Relax. Stick your tongue out like Michael Jordan. Whose house is this?
1:09:54
1:10:00
Say it like you mean it!
1:10:00
1:10:02
-My house!
-Whose ball is this?
-My ball!
1:10:02
1:10:06
Let's go. I play better with somethin' at stake.
1:10:06
1:10:10
If you guys win, we'll give you...
1:10:10
1:10:13
-..that red Volvo over there.
-But...
1:10:13
1:10:16
It's all right.
1:10:16
1:10:17
If we win, we get...your clothes.
1:10:17
1:10:20
Our clothes?
1:10:20
1:10:26
He's the genius. Let's make it, take it - if we score, we keep it.
1:10:21
1:10:26
Check. We're ready.
1:10:26
1:10:28
-There it is!
-The Mailman!
1:10:28
1:10:31
Yes!
1:10:32
1:10:33
Four?
1:10:41
1:10:42
In your face, porker!
1:10:47
1:10:50
Sky!
1:10:53
1:10:55
Yes!
1:10:57
1:11:03
You did good. If you work hard, you might play with the Chicago Bulls.
1:10:58
1:11:03
-Really?
-Mmm.
1:11:03
1:11:05
-Can we have our clothes back?
-Best outta three?
1:11:05
1:11:09
-Nah.
-Nah.
1:11:10
1:11:11
I threw that pass...
1:11:11
1:11:14
Gary, Beaver Meadows is going into yoghurt.
1:11:26
1:11:29
Wow.
1:11:29
1:11:31
And your firm is going to represent them.
1:11:31
1:11:35
-I didn't know.
-Who's assigned to it?
-Jerry?
1:11:35
1:11:38
-Yeah, Jerry.
-Your best friend?
1:11:38
1:11:41
-Wouldn't he have called me?
-PHONE RINGS
1:11:41
1:11:44
-The last thing Edgar Allen Poe ate was broccoli.
-Then don't eat it.
1:11:44
1:11:49
I can't believe Jerry would do that to us.
1:11:49
1:11:53
Derek taught me how to drive today.
1:11:53
1:11:56
-Left turns are tough at 50.
-Well...
1:11:56
1:11:59
Derek, it's Larry from the tattoo parlour.
1:11:59
1:12:02
Cool.
1:12:02
1:12:04
Oh, um... The cat's out the bag.
1:12:06
1:12:08
It was gonna be a gift to my hosts. I can't believe he just called.
1:12:08
1:12:14
'Larry from the tattoo parlour?!'
1:12:14
1:12:17
I been tryin' to call you all day!
1:12:17
1:12:19
You put me on your loan request!
1:12:19
1:12:22
Larry... Sorry, man. I'm under pressure.
1:12:22
1:12:25
-I got customers!
-Come and pick me up.
1:12:25
1:12:29
I'm turnin' into Mary Poppins here.
1:12:29
1:12:32
-My God!
-Larry, you there?
1:12:34
1:12:36
-We gotta talk!
-Yes. No problem.
1:12:36
1:12:39
-9:30 tonight.
-Where?
-Micky-D's.
1:12:39
1:12:42
-Which one?
-The only one. This is Leave-It-To-Beaver land.
1:12:42
1:12:46
Everything all right?
1:12:46
1:12:47
-Hurry? You don't tell
-me
-to hurry! I tell
-you
-to hurry!
1:12:47
1:12:52
-This
-is a Harley. What the hell is
-this?!
1:12:52
1:12:56
It's...a Harley...
1:12:56
1:12:59
..European style?
1:12:59
1:13:02
You really don't need to give us anything.
1:13:02
1:13:06
Derek, about Emily and this Beaver Meadows thing -
1:13:06
1:13:10
I want you to know that in 18 years of marriage I never lied to my wife.
1:13:10
1:13:15
-You don't listen, Mom!
-Honey, wait! Time out.
1:13:15
1:13:19
You know, right before Anne Sexton killed herself,
1:13:19
1:13:23
her daughter promised to put Rats Live On No Evil Star on her grave.
1:13:23
1:13:28
That's a major thing to ask.
1:13:28
1:13:32
They must've had an amazing mother- daughter connection. Not like us!
1:13:32
1:13:37
What did you say?
1:13:37
1:13:40
Nothing. I didn't say anything.
1:13:40
1:13:43
I'm her mother, so I'm the enemy.
1:13:43
1:13:45
SHE SIGHS
1:13:45
1:13:47
Derek?
1:13:47
1:13:48
You seem to have such a connection with her.
1:13:48
1:13:53
Maybe you could talk to her.
1:13:53
1:13:58
Yeah, no problem. Sure.
1:13:55
1:13:58
# Feel the pain of everyone... #
1:13:58
1:14:01
Mind if I turn this down?
1:14:05
1:14:08
Hey.
1:14:08
1:14:10
Can I talk to you for a second? Oh!
1:14:10
1:14:13
Man!
1:14:13
1:14:14
I mean, what could be so wrong, OK?
1:14:14
1:14:18
You got this beautiful room here.
1:14:18
1:14:21
So bright and airy. You got great pictures of dead guys on the wall,
1:14:21
1:14:26
things I don't understand that you wrote...
1:14:26
1:14:29
Oh, and decapitated Barbie dolls.
1:14:29
1:14:32
You can't get much better than this, right?
1:14:32
1:14:35
Well... I'm sorry. I shouldn't joke.
1:14:39
1:14:42
Did I say somethin' wrong?
1:14:42
1:14:44
No, it's my dad and mom...
1:14:44
1:14:47
And Steve doesn't love me any more.
1:14:47
1:14:50
Steve. Are you sure?
Yes! He's been hanging in town every day with Kelly Friedlander.
1:14:53
1:14:58
And she's a lot prettier than me.
1:14:58
1:15:01
And you know, Derek... it just, it really hurts.
1:15:01
1:15:05
Come here. Listen to me, OK?
1:15:05
1:15:07
I can't see any woman bein' finer than you.
1:15:07
1:15:11
You're beautiful. You're just with the wrong guy.
1:15:11
1:15:15
None of the women I know would put up with his mess.
1:15:15
1:15:19
No?
1:15:19
1:15:20
Oh, no, no, no. No way. No how. "See ya."
1:15:20
1:15:24
Look, maybe you could just kill him for me.
1:15:25
1:15:28
You're playin', right?
1:15:28
1:15:31
You're playin' right?
1:15:31
1:15:34
Look, this guy is a slime-bag, and you know that.
1:15:35
1:15:39
A lot of guys would like to date you.
1:15:39
1:15:42
And there's guys you're interested in. I know there's a guy somewhere.
1:15:42
1:15:47
There's Charles...
1:15:47
1:15:49
I knew you had some guy in your pocket.
1:15:49
1:15:52
Tell me about Charles.
1:15:52
1:15:57
Charles Baudelaire? Poet of moral decay.
1:15:54
1:15:57
He would definitely understand me.
1:15:57
1:16:00
Look, you gotta get over this thing for dead guys.
1:16:00
1:16:04
Why don't we try some live guys? Charles Barkley.
1:16:04
1:16:08
He's like a poet. Seen his commercial?
1:16:08
1:16:11
We'll work on that dead-guy thing.
1:16:11
1:16:14
We'll get you to movies with guys that're breathin'.
1:16:14
1:16:18
And we'll get you some pastels.
1:16:18
1:16:21
There you go - meditation music.
1:16:21
1:16:23
You're gonna be all right, OK?
1:16:23
1:16:26
Remember - live guys. Breathin'.
1:16:26
1:16:30
(LAUGHS)
1:16:30
1:16:31
I'm so glad to be leavin' this place, man.
1:16:34
1:16:38
It don't make no sense, man. Flowers on the wall, like a child's room.
1:16:38
1:16:43
Take all day to make up this bed.
1:16:43
1:16:46
I'm glad I'm goin'. Little midget bed.
1:16:46
1:16:49
Why do I buy these things?
1:16:49
1:16:52
Big spin. Big spin.
1:16:53
1:16:57
Big spin.
1:16:58
1:17:00
Big spin...
1:17:00
1:17:02
YES! YES!
1:17:03
1:17:06
Oh, yes! I'm gonna be on TV!
1:17:06
1:17:09
Kevin Franklin in the house! I'm in the house!
1:17:09
1:17:12
-This is the way we...
-Buddy?
1:17:12
1:17:15
..loosen up...!
1:17:15
1:17:18
Jason threw a basketball at my face.
1:17:18
1:17:21
-Some sort of bounce pass, or "checking"...
-He's workin' his game.
1:17:21
1:17:26
Who's Kevin Franklin? You said he's in the house.
1:17:26
1:17:30
You busted me.
1:17:30
1:17:33
Kevin Franklin is a millionaire
1:17:33
1:17:35
and I often fantasise about being him.
1:17:35
1:17:39
I often pretend to be other people. You do that, don't you?
1:17:39
1:17:43
Well, yes, actually, I have.
1:17:43
1:17:46
I often fantasise about being Matlock.
1:17:46
1:17:50
There you go!
1:17:50
1:17:56
The thing I admire most about you is your honesty and openness.
1:17:51
1:17:56
The things you've shared with me.
1:17:56
1:17:58
You've made me a better person.
1:17:58
1:18:01
Thank you.
1:18:01
1:18:02
Thank YOU.
1:18:02
1:18:05
Get him! Get him!
1:18:07
1:18:10
Get him! Get him!
1:18:11
1:18:13
-Knock.
-Just say please once!
-Please.
-Thank you.
1:18:13
1:18:17
You pain!
1:18:17
1:18:18
Oh... Hello, little girl. Is there a tall black man named Kevin here?
1:18:23
1:18:29
-No!
-Please...
1:18:29
1:18:31
-Ow!
-Got your fingers there, Pauly?
1:18:31
1:18:34
Run for your life! Smashed him!
1:18:34
1:18:37
-What is it now?!
-Where is he?
1:18:37
1:18:40
Nobody does that to my brother Pauly.
1:18:40
1:18:44
Bad men! Mommy says you shouldn't play with guns.
1:18:44
1:18:48
-Aaaargh!
-Aaaargh!
1:18:48
1:18:52
Whoa!
1:18:52
1:18:54
I'm dead, Pauly!
1:18:54
1:18:56
We got a snapper, Joey!
1:18:56
1:18:59
It's a ratmuller!
1:18:59
1:19:01
-Woof! Woof!
-Aaaagh!
-Aaaagh!
1:19:01
1:19:05
OK, tell 'em goodbye.
1:19:05
1:19:08
Whooooo! Your mommy's right - you should never play with guns.
1:19:08
1:19:14
-I'll get rid of it.
-Derek, is your real name Kevin?
1:19:14
1:19:17
Hold that thought, OK?
1:19:17
1:19:20
GUN GOES OFF INSIDE
1:19:27
1:19:30
Watch TV!
1:19:30
1:19:33
What was that?
1:19:33
1:19:38
Two bad men came to the door, and I took their gun.
1:19:34
1:19:38
It was on the cartoon. It's so real!
1:19:38
1:19:41
Oh, I see!
1:19:41
1:19:43
-Move!
-What?
1:19:43
1:19:45
-I'm goin' for a night jog.
-Are you coming back?
1:19:47
1:19:51
-Kevin?
-Huh?
1:19:51
1:19:54
I'm really good at keeping secrets.
1:19:54
1:19:56
-Woof! Woof!
-Good dog, Carl!
1:19:59
1:20:02
What happened to your eye, Larry?
1:20:07
1:20:10
Lemme see that. What happened to you?
1:20:10
1:20:14
Some people don't appreciate art.
1:20:14
1:20:18
I guess not!
1:20:15
1:20:18
So... Where you wants me to drive, Miss Daisy?
1:20:18
1:20:22
Real funny, man. Just drive.
1:20:22
1:20:24
-I'm just tryin' to help.
-Yeah, right.
1:20:24
1:20:28
Friendship is about give and take, but all you do is take, take, take!
1:20:28
1:20:33
Where'd you get the shoes? They're nice.
1:20:33
1:20:37
Yeah.
1:20:37
1:20:38
Yeah...
1:20:38
1:20:40
Stop the car, man. Stop the car!
1:20:43
1:20:46
-Stop the car now!
-OK!
1:20:46
1:20:49
This makes sense now. Poseidon was an orphan too.
1:20:49
1:20:53
Can we go now?
1:20:53
1:20:55
Do you know the only difference between him and me?
He's Greek, he's white and he's a god.
1:21:00
1:21:03
He never passed himself off as someone he wasn't.
1:21:03
1:21:07
Remarkable insight! Now can we go?
1:21:07
1:21:10
He never let folks down.
1:21:10
1:21:16
If those Italians come again, I don't know you.
1:21:11
1:21:16
I got to go back, man.
1:21:16
1:21:18
What?! Why?!
1:21:18
1:21:20
He's in trouble. I'm his oldest friend.
1:21:20
1:21:23
You're PRETENDIN' to be his oldest friend!
1:21:23
1:21:26
He's still in trouble. And his daughter's messed up.
1:21:26
1:21:30
-So?
-I lied to a child. I said I'd be back. You can mess a kid up, man.
1:21:30
1:21:36
Gimme the keys.
1:21:36
1:21:38
Kevin!
1:21:38
1:21:39
Kevin! You lie to everybody, man.
1:21:39
1:21:42
I've compromised myself as an artist and risked my life!
1:21:42
1:21:46
And this is how you pay me back!
1:21:46
1:21:49
Hey, brother, forget it. If you see me on the street, keep steppin'!
1:21:49
1:21:55
You don't get it, do you?
1:21:55
1:22:02
No! Why don't you tell me why the hell you're goin' back?
1:21:57
1:22:02
You said it yourself - all I've ever done is take.
1:22:02
1:22:06
Kevin needs this and this. Kevin gonna make a million dollars.
1:22:06
1:22:11
I thought if I made money, it would change how people thought about me.
1:22:11
1:22:16
Well, I was wrong, man. I learned somethin' here about friendship.
1:22:16
1:22:21
About our friendship. About the friendship I made with that family.
1:22:21
1:22:26
That's why I have to go back, Larry.
1:22:26
1:22:30
-I'll call you.
-All right.
1:22:30
1:22:32
Friendships are about give and take, about compromise.
1:22:32
1:22:37
We enjoy a meal together like men are supposed to do.
1:22:37
1:22:41
We both chase women, but dogs don't even have to ask permission.
1:22:41
1:22:45
You just run 'em down and she's yours. Want some cake?
1:22:45
1:22:50
Thank you for coming in on a holiday like this.
1:22:50
1:22:54
I hope it wasn't an imposition.
1:22:54
1:22:59
No, it's...
1:22:56
1:22:59
There are faxes from your clipping service.
1:22:59
1:23:03
Ah!
1:23:03
1:23:04
HE WHISTLES
1:23:09
1:23:10
Wha's up?! ST3½! How you doin'?
1:23:26
1:23:29
Wha's up, kid?!
1:23:29
1:23:31
I been lookin' for ya! This your woman?
1:23:31
1:23:34
-This is Kelly.
-Yeah, you kinda phat.
-Hi.
-Yo.
1:23:34
1:23:38
-She know what I'm talkin' about?
-She ain't up. Not all of us are on.
1:23:38
1:23:43
-Wanna regulate?
-Regulate?
-Find some new hizzunies.
1:23:43
1:23:47
Lemme just deal with the thingy-thing.
1:23:47
1:23:51
Me and my boy gonna take a cruise. This cheek.
1:23:53
1:23:57
-Nice ride!
-Word up!
1:23:58
1:24:00
-I wanna talk.
-Wha's up, yo?
1:24:00
1:24:03
-About women.
-Sookie!
1:24:03
1:24:05
Check this out.
1:24:05
1:24:08
Chill, B!
1:24:08
1:24:10
Say you're eatin' a chicken dinner - Brooke.
1:24:10
1:24:14
There's a truck, man! It's a truck!
1:24:14
1:24:17
Aaaaaagh!
1:24:17
1:24:19
Yo, B, we're on the train tracks, yo!
1:24:21
1:24:24
-These country roads all look the same. Where was I?
-Chicken!
1:24:24
1:24:29
Say you're gonna make a gourmet meal. You've got some golden bird.
1:24:29
1:24:34
Free-range, no chemicals. It's a bad bird.
1:24:34
1:24:37
You smell it, so you can't wait.
1:24:37
1:24:41
So you go get yourself some Chicken McNuggets.
1:24:41
1:24:45
If you're hungry we'll go to Mickey-D's!
1:24:45
1:24:48
You missed the whole point here.
1:24:48
1:24:51
-We're doin' 50! I can't feel it.
-I can!
1:24:51
1:24:54
-Cos your body's young.
-I have a very young butt!
1:24:54
1:24:58
< TRAIN WHISTLE
1:24:58
1:25:00
There's a train!
1:25:00
1:25:02
THERE'S A TRAIN COMIN', B!
1:25:02
1:25:05
WHISTLE BLASTS
1:25:05
1:25:07
Train!
1:25:07
1:25:09
-I need my glasses.
-There is a train!
1:25:09
1:25:12
-Train!
-Brooke's that gourmet meal.
1:25:12
1:25:15
She thinks she's the only dish you have.
1:25:15
1:25:19
And you're goin' out with a Chicken McNugget.
1:25:19
1:25:22
Kelly's a greasy nugget!
1:25:22
1:25:25
It's unhealthy!
1:25:25
1:25:27
I'm gonna stop and look. This is some beautiful country.
1:25:27
1:25:32
-Where are you going?
-We need to talk.
1:25:32
1:25:35
-I could maybe teach you somethin'. How old are you, man?
-16, sir.
1:25:35
1:25:41
You have ragin' hormones. You wanna be a man.
1:25:41
1:25:45
-A man spends his life beggin'.
-I'm begging for my keys!
1:25:45
1:25:49
Don't beg me, beg your woman.
1:25:49
1:25:52
-I will!
-For forgiveness.
-I will beg for forgiveness!
1:25:52
1:25:56
Aaaaaa-aa-aaagh!
1:25:56
1:25:59
You didn't have to worry about the train.
1:25:59
1:26:02
You're not from the 'hood, OK? Be yourself. Shall I drive or you?
1:26:02
1:26:07
I'll drive. You look shook-up.
1:26:07
1:26:10
How do I get back to town? This is a bumpy road, man.
1:26:10
1:26:14
JAPANESE VOICES SHOUT
1:26:17
1:26:20
Wha's up? I'm lookin' for Gary Young.
1:26:24
1:26:27
In the stacks. The only one here.
1:26:27
1:26:30
Gary?
1:26:30
1:26:32
# She's a brick haaaaooowse
1:26:32
1:26:34
# Mighty mighty Lettin' it all hang out
1:26:34
1:26:38
# She's a brick haaaooowse... #
1:26:38
1:26:42
Hey, Gary?
1:26:42
1:26:44
-What're you doing here?
-I need to talk to you.
1:26:44
1:26:48
You're messin' up big-time.
1:26:48
1:26:51
-What?
-Jason thinks he'll fail you if he's not another Michael Jordan.
1:26:51
1:26:56
Brooke hangs out in graveyards like a vampire.
1:26:56
1:27:00
They want you to say you love 'em.
1:27:00
1:27:03
When Emily hears you're representin' Beaver Meadows,
1:27:03
1:27:07
you'll be in the dog-house big-time.
1:27:07
1:27:10
She'll understand. I don't have a helluva lot of choice.
1:27:10
1:27:15
Gary, please, quit lyin' to yourself.
1:27:15
1:27:18
You're just sellin' your wife down the river.
1:27:18
1:27:22
I promised Mr Pike.
1:27:22
1:27:27
If you turn it down, he'll fire you?
1:27:24
1:27:27
Probably.
1:27:27
1:27:28
OK... You have less income. You'll still be rich cos of your family.
1:27:28
1:27:34
You'll be rich in love.
1:27:34
1:27:38
-Natural ingredients...
-Mr Pike!
1:27:53
1:27:55
Mother and I were checking out the competition.
1:27:55
1:27:59
Jerry, my boy, hand me a napkin.
1:27:59
1:28:03
Hey!
1:28:03
1:28:04
It's Gary, not "Little boy".
1:28:04
1:28:06
Seven long years ago,
1:28:06
1:28:08
you duped me into believing I had a future at your firm.
1:28:08
1:28:13
But you'd never make me a partner!
1:28:13
1:28:16
Oh, and did I mention that you're a bigot,
1:28:16
1:28:20
and a back-stabbing buffoon?
1:28:20
1:28:22
Whoooo! Yes!
1:28:22
1:28:24
If you'll excuse me, I have a loving wife to whom I owe an apology.
1:28:24
1:28:30
Gary, this isn't like you!
1:28:30
1:28:33
-I know.
-Come on, Mother. Let's go home.
1:28:33
1:28:37
Gary...
1:28:37
1:28:38
I have been such a... Well, the word "jerk" springs to mind.
1:28:38
1:28:43
I think I was picking on you because...
1:28:43
1:28:46
..I felt threatened by your success.
1:28:46
1:28:49
Gary...
1:28:49
1:28:50
Can you forgive me?
1:28:50
1:28:53
Of course.
1:28:53
1:28:54
But, honey... you just quit your job.
1:28:54
1:28:59
Well, I'm applying for a new one.
1:28:59
1:29:01
-Where?
-Emily's Yoghurt Madness -
1:29:01
1:29:04
-fastest growing chain in the area.
-Why do you think they'd hire you?
1:29:04
1:29:09
I'll take my chances, cos you're a brick haaaaooowse!
1:29:09
1:29:14
You might have soul after all!
1:29:14
1:29:19
Come here.
1:29:16
1:29:19
Ohhh!
1:29:19
1:29:21
Ohhh!
1:29:22
1:29:23
-Sucking up to the new boss, huh?
-Old habits die hard.
1:29:34
1:29:38
-I'm not the good friend I seem.
-No, you're better.
1:29:38
1:29:42
-No, seriously...
-Don't go all mushy on us.
1:29:42
1:29:45
Look at Jason's skateboard!
1:29:45
1:29:48
Gary...
1:29:48
1:29:50
-Jason!
-Gary...
1:29:53
1:29:55
Oh, God!
1:29:55
1:29:57
I don't care if you grow up to be a star basketball player,
1:29:57
1:30:02
as long as you grow up happy.
1:30:02
1:30:05
Dad!
1:30:05
1:30:06
What do you want?
1:30:06
1:30:09
Oh, Carl!
1:30:09
1:30:10
Three beautiful kids. Don't even try to run.
1:30:10
1:30:14
This guy is a pain in the neck.
1:30:14
1:30:17
Please stop these hostile and anti-social tough-guy antics.
1:30:17
1:30:21
See what I'm sayin'?
1:30:21
1:30:24
-You're Kevin Franklin.
-Derek Bond DDS.
1:30:24
1:30:27
-Who's Derek Bond DDS?
-He is. Derek Bond DDS!
1:30:27
1:30:30
-No, he's not!
-Yes, he is!
1:30:30
1:30:33
-He says he's Derek.
-He's an alien. He talks too much.
1:30:33
1:30:37
I am Derek Bond DDS.
1:30:37
1:30:40
I strongly suggest you lower that damnable weapon!
1:30:40
1:30:44
Joey, I gotta do it!
1:30:44
1:30:46
-Gary...
-Wait. If you're Derek Bond,
1:30:46
1:30:50
then sing the Camp Mapleridge song.
1:30:50
1:30:53
-Yeah!
-That was 25 years ago!
1:30:53
1:30:56
Uh-huh!
1:30:56
1:30:57
# Oh, Mapleridge, oh, Mapleridge,
1:30:57
1:31:00
# We come to you each summer... #
1:31:00
1:31:03
-Honey...
-# Oh, Mapleridge... #
1:31:03
1:31:06
-Honey...
-# Where all... #
1:31:06
1:31:08
GUNSHOT
1:31:08
1:31:09
This is asinine!
1:31:10
1:31:13
-He's an imposter.
-At last - someone with sense.
1:31:13
1:31:16
I checked the dental registry,
1:31:16
1:31:20
and the photo of Derek Bond DDS shows a much uglier man.
1:31:20
1:31:25
You!
1:31:25
1:31:26
A great pleasure to meet the real you at last.
1:31:26
1:31:30
Ah. Well, gotta run.
1:31:30
1:31:33
-Uh-uh.
-Gotta run.
-Here, pal.
1:31:33
1:31:36
Franklin, let's go.
1:31:36
1:31:38
Wait.
1:31:38
1:31:40
Are you Kevin Whatshisname?
1:31:40
1:31:42
Yes.
1:31:42
1:31:44
I'm Kevin Franklin.
1:31:44
1:31:47
You lied to us?
1:31:49
1:31:52
We invited you into our home. We trusted you with our kids!
1:31:52
1:31:58
We... We played golf together!
1:31:58
1:32:01
And you lied to us.
1:32:01
1:32:03
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you or your family.
1:32:05
1:32:09
I appreciate everything you've done for me.
1:32:09
1:32:13
All right! All right!
1:32:13
1:32:15
Enough sentiment! He lied to you. Big deal. Just...just forget it.
1:32:15
1:32:20
You're makin' me nuts!
1:32:20
1:32:22
Grab Franklin and let's go.
1:32:22
1:32:25
And, if I was you...
1:32:25
1:32:27
-"Were" you.
-What?
-The subjunctive. "If I WERE you."
-I'm gonna kill him.
1:32:27
1:32:32
Brooke! Brooke!
1:32:32
1:32:35
Listen.
1:32:35
1:32:36
I've done a lot of things wrong and I apologise.
1:32:36
1:32:41
I treated you really bad and yucky.
1:32:41
1:32:44
I am begging you. There it is!
1:32:44
1:32:47
I'm begging you, a'ight?! I mean, all right?
1:32:47
1:32:51
Do you forgive me?
1:32:51
1:32:55
No way, no how. See ya.
1:32:53
1:32:55
No way, no how. See ya.
1:32:55
1:32:58
OK, Romeo, you're breakin' my heart.
1:32:58
1:33:01
What's going on here?
1:33:01
1:33:04
-I'll miss you.
-I'll miss you too.
1:33:04
1:33:07
Beat it, kid.
1:33:07
1:33:09
I appreciate all you've done. Bye, guys.
1:33:09
1:33:12
Come on! My legs are killin' me.
1:33:12
1:33:15
Well...
1:33:15
1:33:17
You know, I haven't had a milkshake in three weeks.
1:33:17
1:33:21
I'll run in this race if it kills me.
1:33:21
1:33:26
Is the back door open?
1:33:28
1:33:30
Let's go!
1:33:30
1:33:32
< Get in the back.
1:33:32
1:33:34
Get in!
1:33:34
1:33:35
He really wasn't such a bad guy.
1:33:35
1:33:38
-He understood me.
-He taught me the balance pass.
1:33:38
1:33:42
He watched cartoons with me. He made me stand up to my boss.
1:33:42
1:33:46
You!
1:33:46
1:33:48
Don't look at ME! I'm not a two-bit criminal into the mob for 50,000.
1:33:48
1:33:53
50 grand? That's all that's between my oldest friend and his life?
1:33:53
1:33:59
Franklin is your oldest friend?
1:33:59
1:34:02
That man bamboozled you.
1:34:02
1:34:04
He had good reason. I'm not a worm, dammit.
1:34:04
1:34:08
No-one attacks my friend. I'm going after him.
1:34:08
1:34:11
-JASON: I'm going too!
-BROOKE: Me too, Daddy!
1:34:11
1:34:16
TYRES SCREECH
1:34:21
1:34:23
-Hey, Pauly. Pauly!
-What, Joey?
1:34:28
1:34:32
POLICEMAN: You can't go there!
1:34:32
1:34:34
-You can't turn there.
-Why not tell me before?!
1:34:34
1:34:38
-You never listen.
-Shut up!
1:34:38
1:34:41
TYRES SCREECH
1:34:41
1:34:42
I gotta get through! After the race.
1:34:42
1:34:45
Hey, you can't leave your car here!
1:34:45
1:34:49
ANNOUNCER: Runners, to your marks.
1:34:52
1:34:55
Race time in five minutes!
1:34:55
1:34:58
Five minutes to race time!
1:34:58
1:35:01
Shoot him.
1:35:01
1:35:07
Yeah, Pauly, but not here, cos it'd be all messy.
1:35:02
1:35:07
We'll go to a car wash! Shoot him!
1:35:07
1:35:10
All right, proud runners of Sewickley, you are off!
1:35:12
1:35:16
STARTER GUN FIRES
1:35:16
1:35:19
-What was that?
-We lost him again.
1:35:19
1:35:22
Sorry! Heh heh heh.
1:35:26
1:35:28
Come on, buddy.
1:35:28
1:35:30
Get 'em!
1:35:35
1:35:42
You need a number! Go get 'em!
There they are. This way.
1:35:46
1:35:49
Hey!
1:35:50
1:35:51
-Come on, let's go.
-Course violation!
1:35:51
1:35:55
Come on!
1:35:57
1:35:59
There!
1:36:00
1:36:02
-I got cramp!
-I know what you need.
1:36:03
1:36:07
I know these people.
1:36:13
1:36:16
In here. These people are friends of mine, so we'll just mingle.
1:36:16
1:36:21
Let's get some chicken.
1:36:21
1:36:24
You were running away. You stumbled on us.
1:36:26
1:36:30
You ended up helping us more than we helped you.
1:36:30
1:36:33
So come on. There's gotta be some way out of this.
1:36:33
1:36:37
Well...there's one way.
1:36:38
1:36:42
What?
1:36:41
1:36:42
Oh, it's pretty. Oooh, look, barbecue!
1:36:42
1:36:46
This ticket could be worth a million dollars.
1:36:46
1:36:49
Hello, girls. ..There he is!
1:36:49
1:36:52
For Christ's sake! Gary Young!
1:36:56
1:37:00
You cheater!
1:37:00
1:37:01
What's another 950,000?
1:37:01
1:37:04
You're still a rich man because of your incredible friends,
1:37:04
1:37:10
and your family - the Youngs. You're rich in love.
1:37:10
1:37:13
In a show of good sportsmanship,
1:37:13
1:37:16
the winners are Gary Young and Derek Bond!
1:37:16
1:37:20
Are you blind?!
1:37:20
1:37:22
When I'm through with you you'll be quivering on the highway.
1:37:22
1:37:27
Pauly!
1:37:31
1:37:32
Happy, I got him right here!
1:37:32
1:37:35
-He put me on hold!
-Stick 'em up!
1:37:35
1:37:38
Not you! In the car.
1:37:38
1:37:41
Kevin! Kevin.
1:37:41
1:37:44
-I might have something you'd be interested...
-Not interested.
1:37:44
1:37:48
-A lottery ticket.
-Lotto Schmotto!
-Lotto? Get it!
1:37:48
1:37:53
Lemme see. Happy, you're gonna be very happy. Extremely happy, Happy.
1:37:53
1:37:58
Whoooo!
1:38:08
1:38:10
Right!
1:38:10
1:38:11
Brand new car, same old driver. You almost totalled this car.
1:38:11
1:38:16
-That's how a Porsche parks.
-Yeah.
1:38:16
1:38:19
Hey, hey!
1:38:19
1:38:20
-This paid for the car?
-Success has advantages.
1:38:23
1:38:27
-This is a great house.
-Respect for this house, OK?
1:38:27
1:38:31
Merry Christmas, everybody!
1:38:31
1:38:33
Barnes and Noble has been sold out of this for weeks.
1:38:33
1:38:38
Tellin' those stories again?
1:38:38
1:38:40
The whole book thing was my idea.
1:38:40
1:38:42
-It's A Wonderful Life on again?
-The Big Spin.
1:38:42
1:38:46
-Three dumb guys could win a million.
-America's wonderful!
1:38:46
1:38:50
'Pauly and Joey Gasperini.
1:38:50
1:38:54
'Where it stops, nobody knows.'
1:38:54
1:38:56
No!
1:38:56
1:38:58
No! No!
1:38:58
1:39:01
'Coming down...'
1:39:01
1:39:03
"A million dollars!"
1:39:07
1:39:09
'You jinxed me!'
1:39:13
1:39:18
Yes! Yes! Yes!
1:39:15
1:39:18
The greatest game in the world!
1:39:18
1:39:21
-Merry Christmas.
-Merry Christmas.
1:39:22
1:39:25
CARL BELCHES
1:39:28
1:39:30
Er...
1:39:30
1:39:32
This stuff is awfully heavy.
1:39:32
1:39:34
Let's get some grub.
1:39:34
1:39:37
# We wish you a chilliburger
1:39:37
1:39:41
# We wish you a chilliburger and mug of cold beer. #
1:39:41
1:39:44
# Load the grill with fatty meat
1:39:44
1:39:47
# Put it on a bun and eat, eat, eat
1:39:47
1:39:50
# French fries, the brown-skinned vegetable
1:39:50
1:39:53
# Cooked in a lot of grease
1:39:53
1:39:56
# All of the other nuggets
1:39:56
1:39:58
# Wished that they could be red meat
1:39:58
1:40:02
# Five onion rings
1:40:02
1:40:04
# Four dill pickles Three chocolate shakes
1:40:04
1:40:07
# Two apple pies
1:40:07
1:40:10
# And one big fat cheeseburger! #
1:40:10
1:40:14
Yeah!
1:40:14
1:40:15
# Patty melt, patty melt patty melt on rye
1:40:15
1:40:19
# Oh, what fun it is to scarf A great big plate of fries
1:40:19
1:40:24
# Chilli cheese, chilli cheese Chilli cheese on top
1:40:24
1:40:28
# Shove it down, eat it all Chow until you pop
1:40:28
1:40:32
# Cook it on the grill With a great big slab of Swiss
1:40:32
1:40:36
# Put it in a bun Oh, what happiness!
1:40:36
1:40:40
# Cheeseburger, cheeseburger burger all the way
1:40:40
1:40:44
# Oh, what fun it is to munch a cheeseburger today
1:40:44
1:40:49
# The first milkshake
1:40:50
1:40:53
# Was a creamy delight
1:40:53
1:40:56
# We sucked it down so fast
1:40:56
1:40:59
# That we burped it up all night
1:40:59
1:41:02
# Load the grill with fatty meat Cook it real fast and eat, eat, eat
1:41:04
1:41:09
# Pile on bacon and blue cheese Bag the diet and cheat, cheat, cheat
1:41:09
1:41:14
-# You'll be buyin' bigger jeans
-Already got 'em, oversize
1:41:14
1:41:17
# We don't care if we get fatter Gimme one more piece of apple pie
1:41:17
1:41:22
# Drop the fries in a deep-fat fryer La la la la-la, la la la lard
1:41:22
1:41:26
# Watch the sizzle crisp and bubble La la la la-la, la la la lard
1:41:26
1:41:30
-# You'll be buyin' bigger jeans
-Already got 'em, oversize
1:41:30
1:41:34
# We don't care if we get fatter Gimme one more piece of apple pie. #
Category:Transcripts
Category:Hollywood Pictures Transcripts
Category:Caravan Pictures Transcripts