No Cookbooks for Crooks

No Cookbooks for Crooks is the second episode of Mighty High Seas, and the first by . It was released on July 16th, 2021.
== Transcript ==
[The episode starts with a shot of Sandy’s pirate ship at night. We see what is happening in the ship: Sandy and her crew joyfully eating Krabby Patties]
Sandy: Ah, stealing these burgers was the best decision I’ve ever made! Neptune knows Krabs doesn’t want to cook for us…
[Nat Peterson starts playing some music with his accordion]
Nat Peterson: Iiiiiit be drafty and wet in the mighty high seas!
Purple doctorfish: The ideal abode for rampant disease!
Sandy: So, mateys! Oh, mateys! Don’t ever weep!
Fred: If I so much as peep…
Everyone: CAST ME INTO THE DEEEEEP!
[Everyone starts laughing]
Sandy: *burp*
Purple doctorfish: Ah, the captain’s burp! You know what that means! It is time for a healthy eight hours of sleep.
Sandy: Yeah, yeah, eight, sure. NOW, ROOMS!
[They are all seen going into the basement] 
[Cut to a small boat nearing the pirate ship, where Patrick, Krabs, SpongeBob, and Squidward are]
SpongeBob: Hey, Squidward!
Squidward: *yawns* What do you want, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Who am I? YARR!
Squidward: The bane of my existance?
SpongeBob: No, silly! I’m a pirate!
Patrick: Quit fooling around, you two!
Krabs: Uh, captain, we’ve arrived to our destination.
Patrick: Ah, great! Those pirates will learn to never mess with the S.S Diarrhea again!
SpongeBob: Are we doing another battle?
Patrick: NO! It’s night, they’re sleeping! We’ve got to get our supplies back all sneaky like, you know?
SpongeBob: Ooooh, got it!
Squidward: I wanna sleep too.
Patrick: Sponge, the rope!
SpongeBob: Aye aye, captain! [grabs a rope from inside one of his pores and throws it at Patrick]
Patrick: Tank.
[Patrick throws and hangs the rope at the pirate ship’s mast]
Krabs: Huh, pretty impressive.
[The S.S Diarrhea crew climbs the rope and gets on the pirate ship]
SpongeBob: Ooooh, this is so cool! We’re on a pirate ship!
Patrick: Remember, all sneaky like! Now, if I was a pirate, where would I put recipes and cookbooks?
Krabs: In the kitchen? In the basement? Like normal people?
Patrick: Don’t be ridiculous Krabs! These are pirates, not normal people!
Krabs: …….Yeah, I’ll just look in the kitchen.
[They go in the kitchen, which is extremely dirty]
Krabs: Holy shrimp, is no one cleaning this mess? Who’s the cook? I haven’t seen something so filthy since my days as a dentist in Britain! Lads, find me a mop, I have some cleaning to do-[gets slapped by Patrick] OUCH!
Patrick: KRABS! DON’T CLEAN THE PIRATES’ KITCHEN!
SpongeBob: I don’t think our missing supplies are here!
Krabs: To the basement!
Squidward: Hooray.
[They all go to the basement, where they can see some crates and a cell]
Krabs: Huh, they also have a cell.
Patrick: SEARCH THE BARRELS, CREW!
SpongeBob: AYE AYE!
Patrick: You too, Squidward!
Squidward: *sigh* [he tries to open a crate, then decides to just break it, and a bunch of organs come out of it] AAAAARGH! [faints]
Patrick: Squidward, you useless turd! YOU’RE GOING TO BLOW OUR COVER IF YOU KEEP YELLING!
Krabs: He fainted because of some organs? What a sissy.
SpongeBob: [grabs a key from a crate] Hey, I found a key!
Patrick: So, no sign of the supplies?
SpongeBob: Nope!
Krabs: Wait a minute…..that key must be for that door right there! And if the pirates aren’t upstairs, then they must all be there!
SpongeBob: [gets close to the door] Oh yes, I hear them sleeping!
Patrick: I WAS RIGHT! THEY’RE NOT NORMAL PEOPLE! THEY MUST BE SLEEPING WITH THE SUPPLIES! SpongeBob, open the door!
SpongeBob: Aye and such! [he puts the key into the door’s lock, and then pulls it out, pulling the door out with it and throwing it at Squidward. In the room, the pirates sleeping in a ton of separate beds]
SpongeBob: Oh wow!
Patrick: Okay, now we must be as quietest as sea creaturely possible.
[They slowly walk and look under the beds]
Krabs: It’s full of our supplies! They’re all here!
Patrick: Alright crew, let’s get them all….quietly!
[They start getting the books, and then, cut to the inside of Squidward’s mind, where he’s dreaming about being the captain of the S.S Diarrhea]
Dream Squidward: Alright crew, it’s time for you all to listen to me playing the clarinet! [starts playing the clarinet]
Dream background characters: Amazing! Best captain! Sexy! And such.
Dream Squidward: Thank you. SLAVES! COME HERE!
[Dream SpongeBob, Dream Patrick, and Dream Krabs arrive]
Dream Squidward: SpongeBob, foot massage.
Dream SpongeBob: Yes sir! [massages his feet]
Dream Squidward: Patrick, neck massage.
Dream Patrick: Yes sir! [massages his neck]
Dream Squidward: Krabs, make me one of your nice burgers.
Dream Krabs: Yes sir! [runs to the kitchen]
[The dream pirates suddenly arrive]
Dream Sandy: PREPARE TO-
Dream Squidward: [spits out a cannon at her, making her fall into the water] HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
[Dream SpongeBob and Dream Patrick also start laughing]
Dream Squidward: Wait, stop! Stop! STOOOOOOP! AAAAAARGH!
[Cut to Squidward waking up on the pirate ship]
Squidward: AAAAARGH! STOP LAUGHING! STOOOOOP! 
Patrick: SQUIDWARD, YOU IDIOT!
Krabs: Heh, of course it’s Squidward who ruins everything.
[All the pirates wake up]
Sandy: THE NAVY! ATTACK!
[All of the pirates pull out swords from under their blankets and start chasing the S.S Diarrhea]
Patrick: ESCAPE!
[Patrick, Krabs, and SpongeBob run very quickly with the supplies, and then they jump on their small boat and start paddling away]
Sandy: DAMN YOU!
Patrick: Ha, we did it!
SpongeBob: Uh, guys? Where’s Squidward?
Krabs: Oh dear.
[Cut to Squidward hurt badly on the pirate ship]
Squidward: Ugh, I think I got trampled.
[The pirates are heading back to the sleeping room, when they notice Squidward on the floor]
Sandy: What on earth?!
Squidward: AAARGH! DON’T HURT ME!
Purple doctor fish: Oh, that’s one of the navy guys!
Nat Peterson: Captain, what’ll we do with the diarrhea-er?
Sandy: Hm…
Patrick (offscreen): HEEEEY!
Sandy: [runs over to the other side of the ship] What do you want?
Patrick: Can you give us the ugly octopus back?
Squidward: UGLY?!
Sandy: Oh, so after all of this, you want us to give him back? IN YOUR DREAMS!
Patrick: Pretty please?
Sandy: No. CREW! BRING ME THE OCTOPUS!
Purple doctor fish: On it! [grabs Squidward and starts running towards Sandy, but trips and lets Squidward fall on the S.S Diarrhea’s small boat] Oops.
SpongeBob: HOORAY!
Patrick: Thank you!
[They paddle away]
Sandy: ……
Purple doctor fish: Uh, sorry captain, I, uh-
Sandy: YOU IDIOT! YOU DOOFUS! I’M GONNA CUT YOUR HEAD OFF!
Purple doctor fish: No, come on, let’s be reasona-
Sandy: GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON FOR ME NOT TO KILL YOU!
Purple doctor fish: Well, I consider myself pretty smart.
Sandy: Ok genius, if you’re so smart, prove it. Say something smart we should do.
Purple doctor fish: Well, since this crew is so weak, we could look for someone strong to add aboard. On an island, perhaps? We could find someone there. And if we take people from islands, we ruin the navy’s suntan lotion business.
Sandy: …..[hugs the purple doctor fish] YOU’RE A GENIUS! A GENIUS! WE MUST SET SAIL TO FIND AN ISLAND!
Purple doctor fish: In the morning. Now we must sleep.
Sandy: Yeah. SLEEP!
[They all go to the sleeping room]
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