(S2) Chapter 2: River by the river

Chara was laying down in her bedroom, as the GFWCC flew off further and further into space. She glanced out the window, as she sighed to herself, space flying by at such a rate she couldn’t contemplate it. She began to view the vast emptiness of space, considering her ultimate irrelevance in-
WHO THE FUCK ASKED ‘where’s the funny’? I’M HAVING A FUCKING MENTAL MONOLOGUE RIGHT NOW, YOU DAFT CUNTS. FUCK OFF.
Anyhow, where was I-?
Ah, fuck, I forgot, THANKS.
Anyhow, right, right. As Chara peered out the window- holy shit, it was a fucking car? Packed into the Billymobile were Adam Sandler, Willy Wonka, Dekios, Error, King Funnyverse, Jasus, and Harrus. Unfortunately, unlike the Dababy Car, the Billymobile was not big enough to fit them all. Adam was especially being an issue, as huge as he was, he took up way too much space.
“GET YOUR FUCKING CRACKPIPE OUT OF MY FACE!” Dekios screamed, as Jasus tried to pick up one of the joints he’d dropped. How he managed to carry all this shit back when he was High Ass Motherfucker, he probably would never know.
“Not to be a dick, but how are we going to catch up to that castle? It’s the fastest thing in the Omniverse.” Harrus said.
“HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT? THIS IS THE FIRST TIME ANYONE HERE HAS EVER SEEN IT!” Dekios asked.
“The manual of Astral Pervert’s inventions, haven’t you ever read it?” Harrus asked.
“OH FUCK OFF…” Dekios groaned.
“I know how we can catch up.” Adam said. Billy turned to him, curious. He was really desperate, right now. After all this time, he had been planning a date with Chara, and it’d been ruined by this whole thing. Damn, honestly. 
“How?” He asked.
“We ROCK OUT.” Adam said, turning on the radio and turning it to *Take on Me.*
“HOW DOES THIS HELP TH-”  Dekios asked, as suddenly, the car shot forward like a bullet train.
Meanwhile, the Stellar Shitass was looking in her rear-view mirror. “SHIT, THEY’RE GAINING ON US!” She screamed in her hoarse voice, as Cthulhu hovered behind her, his arms crossed. He smirked.
“Not for long.” He said.
As the Billymobile began to gain on the castle, suddenly, five eyes of Cthulhu flew over. How the fuck did this guy have five eyes? Is he a spider or some shit?
Negligible anyhow, the eyes, somehow keeping up with the castle and moving in perfect syncretism with it and the car, flew towards said car. Billy looked through the windshield, quickly noticing.
“What do we do?! We can’t swerve, we’d lose momentum!” He said, as Adam rubbed his chin, thinking.
“Alright, I’ve got this, open the sunroof.” He said. As Dekios and Harrus helped Adam position himself atop the sunroof, the pure rock energy created by *Take on Me* caused the area around them to turn into a neonwave instead of a generic hyperspace effect. Now that’s fucking metal.
Anyhow, the Eyes began sending mini-eyes at Adam. Adam took off his shirt, blinding them with his sheer chadness, causing them to fucking die. Left without choice, the eyes attacked.
Again, somehow keeping perfect syncretism with the vehicle, one of them dived at it. Harrus reached up, handing Adam his spear, as Adam waved it at the eye. Managing to smack it once, the eye withdrew, screeching in pain. Moving into formation, the eyes began to attack the car repeatedly, smashing into it.
Suddenly, one of the windows broke, and since, remember, they were in fucking space, the car was depressurized (the sunroof doesn’t count because, uh, i said so).
Funnyverse was sucked out of the car, screaming. 
“OH NO!” Dekios yelled, diving out the car, as Harrus leapt after him. Jasus leapt after him in turn, and Error grabbed Jasus with his strings, clinging to Adam for support. As Dekios caught Funnyverse and Harrus caught Dekios and Jasus caught Harrus and Error caught Jasus, suffice to say, the car was in a very bad situation.
Frisk moved to the back of the castle, taking aim with one of the cannons, as Billy Mays looked up at him.
“Son of a-“
The supermegalaser cannon fired, blowing the car to pieces and sending the inhabitants flying out of it. Dekios wrapped himself around Funnyverse, preventing him from being hurt, as they all crashed into the nearest planet.
“HAHAHA, NICE SHOT FRISK!” The Star Fucker said from the cockpit, cackling to herself.
“Finish them.” Cthulhu said to his eyes, as they stopped following the castle, and instead flew down to the planet to do just that.
Meanwhile, the six of them had recovered from the landing, having made a series of craters. After all getting their act together, they finally saw where they were. They were by a pond, with a certain someone fishing in it- River.
This was the real River, not the one conjured by Azathoth. Looking up at them all, suddenly recognizing them, he froze. Billy recognized him in turn, as the two stared each other down for a moment.
Screaming in terror, River dropped his fishing rod, and ran inside his house, before locking the door. Will stood there, staring at the house, as the rest of the group recovered.
“AH, FUCK, I’M SURE THIS’LL GO WELL...” Dekios sighed, as Will walked towards his father’s house. Seeing his son coming, River nervously closed the blinds, and put up a table against his door. Such a pitiful blockade was reflective of the man- a sad, pathetic coward, hiding in his house in terror as far as Will was concerned.
Will reached forward, blowing the door open with little effort. His expression was dark- not just in the sense of intent, but genuine anger. As River cowered in his bedroom, Will walked past the remains of the door and up the stairs. 
Adam, realizing what may happen, ran towards the house, hoping to stop his brother from doing anything he may horribly, horribly regret.
Will ascended up the staircase, finally reaching his father.
“W-what do you want? Why did you come here?” River asked, cowering in the corner. He even had his blanket wrapped around him like a child. Will raised an eyebrow, gritting his teeth so hard he felt he chipped one.
“GET UP! GET THE FUCK UP RIGHT NOW, DON’T EXPECT ME TO PITY YOU YOU DISGUSTING BASTARD!” He screamed, as River staggered up, only for Will to pin him against the wall. Adam ran into the room, grabbing at Will to try and stop him.
“WILL, LET HIM GO!” Adam said. Usually Adam had no issue tossing his brother around like a ragdoll, after all, he had always been the bigger of the two. Yet, here, Will was so angry, so determined- that Adam was practically a child trying to pull at the back of a train to stop it from running someone over.
“YOU ABANDONED US, LEFT US WITH THAT PSYCHOPATH, AND JUST RAN THE FUCK AWAY! YOU RAN AWAY, AND SO WE HAVE TO FIX YOUR MISTAKES!” Will screamed at his father, as River began to cry.
“Please, spare me! I’ll- let you have whatever you want, just don’t hurt me!” River begged. Adam kept pulling at his brother.
“WILL! ENOUGH!” He said. Finally, Will snapped, turning around and shoving Adam back. Adam staggered, shocked that his brother would do that to him, causing the two to stand there in stunned silence for a moment.
“THIS MAN ABANDONED US TO A FUCKING MADWOMAN AND YOU EXPECT ME TO JUST LET HIM RUN OFF?!” Will asked. It was hard to describe how angry he was, tears about to form in his own eye sockets. River stood in the corner, fearfully hyperventilating.
“WILL! DO YOU THINK THIS IS WHAT HE WANTED? OF COURSE NOT! ANYONE WOULD’VE RAN AWAY FROM THAT CRAZY BITCH! SPEAKING OF, YOU’RE ACTING LIKE YOU’RE ABOUT TO KILL SOMEONE!” Adam said, as River nervously inched out of the corner he was in, clinging to the wall as he watched the two argue.
“BECAUSE HE DESERVES IT! HE ABANDONED HIS OWN SONS, AND…” Will paused, his sockets glazing over.
Finally, River took a deep breath, and stepped forward. Will’s sockets initially snapped towards him, only to calm down when he realized he posed no threat.
“I know, I shouldn’t have done that. I was terrified, though. I wanted to get you out, but I failed, and that was horrible. I should’ve stood up to your mother long before she had the chance to abuse you as much as she did, and the fact I left is truly unforgivable. I don’t want you to forgive me, just-” He was cut off by Will.
“GOOD, because I WON’T.” He said, storming out of the room. River watched him flee, shivering in terror, but finally relaxing once it was clear he had left.
“Uh, hey, dad. This is kind of an awkward way to meet.” Adam said. River looked at Adam, blinking a few times, and then nodding. He chuckled.
“I… I suppose it is, yes.” He nodded.
“Well, we did meet up again awhile ago. But that wasn’t… you, just an… imitation.” Adam said, sighing to himself.
“Like I said, I am truly sorry. What I did was horrible, and for that, I just want you to know-” He said, only to be cut off by Adam, who embraced his father in a hug. River paused, for a moment, before hugging his son back.
“It’s fine, dad. I can’t expect anyone to be perfect.” He said.
“Thank you, it means a lot.” He responded, sighing.
“But, we need your help. Billy’s car was destroyed, and we need a way to catch up with my mom’s castle. I don’t know where we can get it, but if anyone would know a place around here, it’d be you.” Adam said. River nodded.
“I’ve got that old car, I think it’s the… ‘Dababy Car’? The one that says ‘lesgo’ all the time, yeah.” River contemplated. Adam suddenly lit up.
“Oh thank GOD, that one’s so much better than Billy’s.” Adam said, relieved. He ran towards the door, before stopping at the doorway.
“Do you… wanna come?” He asked.
“I’ve hidden long enough.” River responded.
Everyone else was silently sitting outside. Billy Mays was skipping rocks, not responding to anything said, and so they’d all stopped trying to talk to him. Finally, to break the awkward silence, Error spoke up.
“So, Jasus. You used to be HAM, yeah?” He asked.
“Roite, yup. Used to be, but not anymore. That restoration thing fixed me up-” He said, only to be cut off by a sudden woosh. Jasus shoved Error out of the way, as he got dive bombed by an Eye of Cthulhu. Dekios ran over, grabbing the eye by its tethers flowing behind it, as he dug his feet in, slowing it down.
Harrus leapt over, slicing it open with his spear. As he did, it revealed the mouth underneath, which roared in rage.
“Oh FUCK OFF!” He shouted, annoyed. Funnyverse leapt up, tossing a bomb out at it, as it swallowed it. Pausing, it frowned, before blowing to bloody chunks.
As they celebrated their initial victory, the four other eyes showed up, complicating their odds a bit. As they all fanned out to fight them, suddenly, Adam ran over, body slamming one of them and sending it spinning away. Another one took a dive bomb at Billy Mays, who avoided it.
Dekios avoided another dive bomb as well, as Harrus took a few stabs at one. It moved around, before spinning and running into him, sending him flying back. Jasus ran over, summoning his axe. Snapping it out, it flew off, attached to a chain. Catching it, he groaned, trying to wrangle the eye. Spinning around, he hurled it to Billy Mays, who eviscerated it with a blaster.
Three remaining, one of their lenses was blasted off by Dekios. It roared, as it moved towards Funnyverse, attempting to eat him whole. 
Error snapped his strings out, wrangling the eye, as it struggled to get free. He grunted, pulling it over and slamming it into another one, which spun out, before crashing and dying. With one remaining, it flew off.
As they all ran towards it, suddenly, the Dababy Car flew over, crashing into the eye and blowing it to pieces. The car came down, as River rolled down the window, and motioned to all of them. All of them ran over, including Billy Mays, albeit hesitantly.
There would be many things to discuss- but right now, they had bigger issues.
||| Now we shall cut to the WGFCC |||
“DAMMIT!” Cthulhu said, snapping out of his trance as he realized his plan had failed. The Astronomical Shitwad turned over to him, raising an eyebrow.
“What happened?” She asked.
“Those little… whatever, continue towards the Edge of Existence. My plan remains unaltered.” Cthulhu said, sighing as he rested back in his throne
“Dontcha mean our plan?” She asked. Cthulhu groaned.
“Yes, yes, OUR plan.” He corrected. God, having to deal with this annoying bitch was driving him up a wall. 
“Right, right. Welp, I’m gonna go check on my daughter, you pilot the ship or whatever.” She said, getting out of the captain’s chair and walking out of the room. Cthulhu sighed, finally getting a breath of fresh air without the bitch annoying him all the time.
The Milf Bilf walked through her massive castle. Casually passing by massive machinery and environments, combined with an assembly line filled with hordes of robots and ships being built for their scheme. Not really caring too much about the technological marvel she inhabited, she eventually arrived to Chara’s room, knocking at the door.
“What do you want?” Chara asked.
“We’ve gotta talk.” Astral Mother said.
“Frankly, I don’t want to talk to you right now.” Chara said. The Astral Fucker rolled her eyes. She may’ve been stupid, but she wasn’t braindead. Taking out the keys to Chara’s door, she just opened it and went inside, causing Chara to scream in terror.
Chara had been using a number of the dresses in her room to make a rope down outside of her room, that she could use to escape.
“Uh…” Chara paused. Left without a choice, she leapt out her window- only to realize the Satellite Whore had telekinesis. Chara struggled about mid-air, but it didn’t really matter. Ah, foiled again. The Bitch Nebula went over, pulling the dresses back up, stuffing them in the closet, and putting Chara back in bed, before activating the bars on her window.
“No escaping, Chara!” She scolded angrily.
“Just let me go, I thought you wanted me to be strong and independent!” Chara countered.
“Running away from your mother doesn’t make you strong and independent, it just makes you a little bitch!” The Astral Mother said scoldingly.
“You’re not my mother, though!” Chara countered. The Space Fucker was taken aback, putting her hand on her chest in indignation.
“AM TOO!” She said like a child.
“Uh, are not.” Chara countered, a bit confused.
“Well, shut up. Anyhow, you’re going to be at Dinner by five, or else… you’ll, uh, starve to death.” Spacial Fuckwit said, unable to shit of a better threat. She went outside of Chara’s room, locking the door.
“Uh, hey, why isn’t my daughter’s room being guarded?” She said over the comms.
“Oh, we just didn’t think WOMEN could possibly escape.” One of the guards said. Oh my goodness, so sexism!!! Clearly this means the Astral Mother is big evil…
“Yeah, uh, I don’t care, because she almost did. Now get over here before I throw you in the boiling pits.” She said. The guard gulped over the comms, before the Star Slut turned them off.
She paused, thinking to herself about her parenting style. Was it, perhaps, wrong for her to kidnap a child from her parents, raise her as her own and try to teach her to follow her deceitful and disgusting worldview, and then kidnap and imprison her when she goes against it?
…
Nah, Chara was just being a little bitch.
Category:Season 2
Category:Episodes
Category:Canon
Category:Story
Category:Written by Reaper