Mr. Plow/Quotes

:(Homer has totaled his car and Marge's car. An insurance agent is looking over the loss)
:Adjuster: Now, before I give you the cheque, one more question. Uh, this place Moe's you left just before the accident, this is a business of some kind?
:Homer's Brain: Don't tell him you were at a bar. (gasps) But what else is open at night?
:Homer: It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography.
:Homer's Brain: Heh heh heh. I woulda never thought of that.
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:Farmer: 'Fraid old Zeke, he rides up here with me. Can't trust a pig with watermelons, you know.
:In the back of the farmer's truck, Homer is eating the watermelons.
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:(Car show. An attractive, large-breasted, blonde model in a sequin gown is standing next to a car)
:Homer: Do you come with the car?
:Model: Oh, you! Te-he-he-he!
:(Homer goes to look at other cars, another man looks at car)
:Man: Do you come with the car?
:Model: Oh, you! Te-he-he-he!
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:Homer: Ah, I can't afford it!
:Salesman: Pally, this doesn't cost money. It makes money. You make the payments by plowing driveways on the side.
:Homer: Well, I really should discuss this with my wife.
:Salesman: Your wife? (imitates whip cracks)
:Homer: What, you think I'm gonna buy a $20,000 truck just because you make that noise?
:Salesman: (imitates whip cracks)
:Homer: I'll take it! I'll take it!
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:Homer: Adam West! Hey, kids! Batman!
:Lisa: Dad, that’s not the real Batman.
:Adam West: Of course I’m Batman. See, here’s a picture of me with Robin.
:Bart: Who the hell is Robin?
:Adam West: I suppose you’re only familiar with the new Batman movies. Michelle Pfeiffer? Ha! The only true Catwoman is Julie Newmar, Lee Meriwether, or Eartha Kitt. And I didn’t need molded plastic to improve my physique. Pure. West. And why doesn’t Batman dance anymore? Remember the Batusi? (starts dancing)
:Homer: Heh. Nice meetin’ you... (tugging the kids back and whispering) Just keep moving, don’t make eye contact.
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:Homer: [sarcastically] If you're gonna get mad at me every time I do something stupid, then I guess I'll just have to stop doing stupid things.
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:Homer: My prices are so low, you'll think I've suffered brain damage!
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:Homer: (at church) And now, to read from the Epistles of Saint Paul Homer Simpson. (clears throat) Dear Lord, in your infinite wisdom, you know the number to call when you need a plow is Klondike 5-3226.
:Marge: Homer, this is really low.
:Homer: Not as low as my low, low prices!
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:Mayor Quimby: The torch has been passed to a new generation of, uh, snowplow people. Come on, give me the key. (he grabs the key from Homer) These look like teeth marks.
:Homer: I thought there was chocolate inside! Well, why was it wrapped in foil?
:Mayor Quimby: It was never wrapped in foil!
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:Bart: Dad, who's watching TV at 3:17 a.m.?
:Homer: Alcoholics, the unemployable, angry loners.
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:Homer: It may be on a lousy channel, but the Simpsons are on TV!
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:Mayor Quimby: Mr. Plow, for making it possible for people to get where they're going without resorting to public transportation or carpooling, I give you the key to the city.
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:(Homer and Marge are about to go to bed.)
:Marge: This might sound silly, but just for a change, would you mind...
:Homer: Cutting my nails? Brushing my teeth?
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:(Telephone rings and is answered by Homer.)
:Homer: Mr. Plow, that name again is Mr. Plow.
:Man: Hello, I'm calling from Delinquent Accounts at Kumatsu Motors.
:Homer: Oh, you want the Mr. Plow who plows driveways. This is Tony Plow, you know, from Leave It To Beaver. [pause] Yeah, they were gay.
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:Homer: Our forecast calls for flurries of passion followed by extended periods of gettin' it on!
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:Homer: They're all in a party, and Jimmy Carter's passed out on the couch.
:Barney: Oh boy!
fr:Monsieur Chasse-neige/Script