Ziva-Isms

The following is a list of Ziva David's idiomatic mistakes and mispronunciations.
== Mistakes ==
Episode 	Gaffe 	Correction/Response 	Notes
Kill Ari Part 2 	You are a broken tape, Gibbs. 	Tony: "Record." A broken record. 	The first "Ziva-ism."
Silver War 	You might want to do something about your hair. It's sticking up like a... porcuswine? Oh, wrong word. A porcu...pig? The little animal with the little spikies!? Yes? 	McGee: Porcupine?Ziva: Porcupine! Thank you, Special Agent McGee. 	
Silver War 	I stand corrected. It appears he didn't know. I feel like a donkey's butt. 	McGee: "Donkey's butt?"Tony: I think she meant "horse's ass," McGee.Ziva: Yes, that too. 	
Switch 	Tony: I don't know. Look at the guy. He's such a...Ziva: Pimp. 	Tony/McGee: Wimp. 	
Switch 	Once he saw us at Norfolk, he must have taken a kite. 	Tony: Hike. The expression is taking a hike.McGee: She may have had it confused with "go fly a kite."Ziva: I speak five languages. Forgive me if I get confused... sometimes.	
The Voyeur's Web 	I've been meaning to ask you about that, Tony. How does a fifteen year old boy go about meeting a coquette? 	McGee: She means Rockette, Boss. 	
Honor Code 	There's also someone here from Social Security to pick him up. 	Gibbs: Services, Ziva. Social Security is for older people.Ziva: Noted. 	
Honor Code 	The man is spic and spam. 	Tony: The saying is spic and span. Spam is lunch meat.Ziva: Oh. What exactly is span, then?Tony: Span is, uh... I'll get back to you on that. 	
Under Covers 	Look who's calling the pot black. 	Tony: Kettle. The pot is calling the kettle black. 	
Under Covers 	It calms my mind. Forces me to stay focused at the job in my hand. 	Tony: The term is job at hand. 	
Frame-Up 	She's probably passed on by now. 	McGee: The term is passed out. 	
Probie 	Halligan's on the goat... oh no, not goat. Sheep? 	McGee: Lam?Ziva: That's it.Tony: He's on the lam. There's no B in that, by the way. 	
Boxed In 	I think we've just been screwed in here, Tony. 	Tony: The term is bolted. 	
Boxed In 	Tony: I'm not getting any reception. How about you?Ziva: No, I'm braless. 	Tony: I noticed that earlier. But on your phone they're bars.Ziva: Don't you have anything better to do than correct my English? 	
Boxed In 	That's quaint. We'd be like the homos in those old movies. 	Tony: Hobos, not homos. 	
Deception 	Don't worry, Abby. Sometimes it's hard to see the jungle through the ferns. 	Abby: ...Right. 	The correct expression is "forest for the trees" or "forest through the trees".
Deception 	Does a bear sit in the woods? 	Ross Logan: Are you the crackerjack team on this job?Tony: She's Israeli.Ziva: Look, I know I got the bear thing right. 	The correct expression is "shit in the woods".
Light Sleeper 	I've learned from Gibbs that in certain cases you can attract far more bees with honey. 	Tony: Flies.Ziva: What do flies have to do with honey?Tony: Flies don't like vinegar.Ziva: Vinegar?Tony: It's complicated. 	The correct expression is you can attract more flies with honey than with vinegar.
Head Case 	If the... glue sticks? 	McGee: Shoe fits. 	
Ravenous 	"Lions and spiders and bears, oh my!" What? Mr. Movie doesn't know "The Wizard of Oz"? 	 	
Ravenous 	That is not bad, Tony. Landis asked me out tonight. I said 'no'. I don't want him to think I'm sleazy. 	Tony: The term is easy.Ziva: What's the difference?Tony: Mostly the makeup. 	
Ravenous 	Do you mind if I grab a bat nap? 	Bobby Landis: Uh... no. Just hang from the rafters. 	The correct term is cat nap.
Ravenous 	Great! He'll be like finding a pin in a haystack. 	Tony: A needle in a haystack.Ziva: Well, aren't pins just as hard to find?Tony/McGee: No. 	
Bait 	Cody was covering his plates. 	Tony: Bases. 	
Bait 	She asked if you had the calzones for this, yes? 	Tony: Cojones. 	
Iced 	I think Tony is jerking your brain. 	McGee: Chain? Jerking my chain? 	
Iced 	So now your image is homopubic? 	Tony: The term is homophobic, and no. Prejudice of any kind is an ugly thing. 	
Untouchable 	This woman is a total turd! A geek, yes? 	Tony: The term is nerd. 	
Bloodbath 	And your lawyer is going to try and use her bad taste in men to impregnate her credibility. 	Tony: Impugn, Ziva! 	
Jeopardy 	Well, you're the one who said no to the muzzle, Tony. I wanted to shut his pothole two hours ago. 	Brian Dempsey: It's pie hole! 	Brian also corrects Ziva on her labeling of the Arby's drive-through as a "ride-through".
Jeopardy 	Everyone's avoiding me! Do they think I'm going to lose control, just enter the building and massacre everyone? I mean, I'm being treated like a leopard. 	Ducky: I believe the phrase is like a leper. 	
Hiatus Part 1 	Ducky, drip it! 	Ducky: Do you mean, drop it or zip it? 	
Hiatus Part 1 	Ah, American idioms drive me up the hall. 	Ducky: Well, actually... never mind. 	The correct expression is up the wall.
Hiatus Part 1 	I've asked Tel Aviv if Captain Mahir is a blimp on their radar. 	Tony: Blip. 	
Hiatus Part 2 	Okay. But you're tying my feet. 	Tony: Hands.Ziva: Those, too. 	
Hiatus Part 2 	Jenny Shepard: When Pin-pin handed him Ghalib's passport, it was good enough...Ziva: To pass the mustard. 	McGee: Muster, not mustard. 	In fact, "cut the mustard" is an expression meaning the same or similar.
Escaped 	Tony: Well, they say a way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Meals on Wheels. Looks like Paulson was a volunteer.Ziva: He volunteered to put meals on wheels? 	Tony: They bring food to the elderly, Ziva. 	
Dead and Unburied 	She tried to rat on us. 	Tony: She means 'rabbit'.Ziva: Rabbit, yes! 	
Witch Hunt 	Well, according to someone called Scuttle Butt, he caught his wife cheating on him. 	Gibbs: Scuttlebutt's not a person, Ziva. Scuttlebutt is what Marines call gossip. 	
Witch Hunt 	And do you know what I did? I allowed myself to feel sorry for her. And do you know what that makes me?Ducky: Human.Ziva: A chimp! 	Jimmy: I think she means chump, Doctor. 	
Once A Hero 	You look run over. 	Tony: The term is 'rundown'. I do? 	
Smoked 	You need to cut the man some slacks, Ducky. 	Tony: I agree. Except the term is slack. 	
Blowback 	Tony: Pirated copy.Ziva: That is what I said. A pirated copy. 	 	
Blowback 	This is going to be like looking for a needle in a needle stack. 	Tony: Needle in a haystack.Ziva: I like mine better. 	
Blowback 	Tagged their luggage? Oh, that's when Jenny had you under covers. 	Tony: Undercover. Not under covers. 	
Friends and Lovers 	Tony: Its almost unfair interrogating junkies.Ziva: It's like shooting fish in a pond. 	John Carson: I, um, I think you mean a barrel.Ziva: Why would fish be in a barrel?John Carson: Um... that's a good point. 	
Friends and Lovers 	Why haven't you breasted them? 	Tony: She means 'busted'. 	
Iceman 	Did she give you the cold elbow? 	Tony: Shoulder. And no! She has very warm shoulders to me. 	
Cover Story 	McGee, you look like you've seen a goat. 	McGee: Huh? Oh, ghost. Seen a ghost. 	
Cover Story 	He's chomping out McGee. 	Tony: Chewing. 	
Trojan Horse 	Hey, I will make it worth your wow. 	Tony: "While" not "wow." 	
Bury Your Dead 	McGee: Yes I was here all night.Ziva: Fragging the computers? 	McGee: Defragging. 	
Ex-File 	Quite the waterfall. 	Tony: She means windfall. 	
Identity Crisis 	Tony: I'm not ready to start taking tips on this from you, Probie.McGee: Tony, I think it's time you get back on that horse.Ziva: Are you getting a pony? 	Tony: It's an adage.Ziva: I'm not familiar with that breed.Tony: Well yeah they are quite rare. Sort of a cross between a Pegasus and a unicorn. 	
Identity Crisis 	He is going to chew you up. 	Tony: Out. Chew you out. 	
Leap of Faith 	I am having the same problem as McGee had with Capt. Walsh. The Pentagon is rockwalling me. 	Tony: She means stonewalling. Little quirk she has. 	
Chimera 	Tony: Oh, I get it Boss. This is a black ship.Ziva: Black sheep?Tony: No they don't exist.Ziva: Oh, I've seen black sheep.Tony: No I said black ship. Not sheep. Clearly the U.S. Navy is still intent on pulling the wool over the eyes of the American people, Sir.	 	
Designated Target 	Tony: How long have you been in this country?Ziva: Why?Tony: Well you never heard of gypsy cabs, you don't use contractions, assimilate already.Ziva: What are contraptions? 	Tony: Never mind. 	
Corporal Punishment	McGee: Maybe Ziva will do it.Ziva: Maybe Ziva will do what?Tony: I've been working on my six pack, you know abs.Ziva: You and Abby have been drinking? 	Tony: No, abdominals. No more beer gut for me. 	
Tribes 	McGee: All right, then we'll flip for it.Ziva: If I flip you, you will get hurt. 	Tony: You can take her, McGee. 	
Stakeout 	Ziva: Your goose is fried! 	Tony: Cooked. And no, it's not. 	
Stakeout 	The jack she is with is gross. 	Tony: You mean John?Ziva: You know him?Tony: Oh, my God... 	
Dog Tags 	Did you wake up in the wrong bed this morning? 	Tony: If your question is, did I wake up on the wrong side of the bed? 	
Internal Affairs 	I would hate to be misunderstood.Fornell: Does that happen often?Ziva: Once in a blue lagoon. 	 	The correct term is "blue moon."
In the Zone 	Well it would not be the first time a murder tried to throw us up that way. 	McGee: Off. Throw us off. 	
Judgment Day Part 1	Is that why we're here? So you can google the girls? 	Tony: Ogle. 	An alternative term would be "goggle".
Agent Afloat 	Your crime scene skills are getting a bit dusty. 	McGee: Rusty. 	
Capitol Offense 	You are such a control geek. 	Tony: Freak. 	
Capitol Offense 	McGee: Maybe he's bluffing.Tony: Uh-uh. It was on the nose.Ziva: Whose nose? 	Tony: On the money. Bullseye. Right as rain. You were doing better before you went back to Israel. You've reverted. 	
Nine Lives 	What is it that is bothering you so much, Tony?Tony: Do I look troubled?McGee: As a matter of fact...Ziva: Are you getting so hot and bothersome because uh, you think I may be having a little fun? 	 	The correct term is "hot and bothered."
Nine Lives 	No wonder he's keeping his cards so close to his breasts. 	None 	The correct term is "chest", though neither Tim or Tony touch this one with a ten foot pole.
Cloak 	McGee: You know what they say about a watched pot, Tony.Ziva: Calls the kettle black? 	McGee: Never boils. 	
Road Kill 	Ziva: How is that for old school slothing? 	Tony: Sleuthing. Having fun yet? 	
Deliverance 	We canvassed the area. No one is talking. There is a smurf war... 	Tony: Turf war.Ziva: ...between two rival gangs. 	
South by Southwest 	You did not change when your books made you plush. 	McGee: Flush. 	
Dead Reckoning 	He has fingers in many eyes. 	Tony: Pies. 	
Toxic 	She claimed Heller was not there but I smelled fish... What? 	McGee: Fishy... something fishy. 	
Legend Part 1 	After our last trip to L.A., I do not understand why you would think I would be such an eager platypus, Tony. 	Tony: Beaver. Eager beaver. Not platypus. Why does that bother me so much? Don't answer that. 	
Semper Fidelis 	A fly! 	McGee: Bug. 	
Outlaws and In-Laws	We have been instructed to sit on the baby. 	None. 	
Mother's Day 	My citizenship test is coming up, and I wish to pass with swimming colors. 	McGee: Flying colors.Ziva: Any colors will do, McGee. 	
Mother's Day 	I heard about that. The shooter was really in the book suppository 	Dinozzo: DepositoryZiva: That's what I said. 	
Enemies Foreign 	McGee: I have hung a net!Ziva: I do not know who Annette is, or why you are so proud of killing her. 	 	
Defiance 	And she just gets off Scotch-free? 	McGee: Scot. 	
Engaged: Part 1 	Something's on your mind. I can see your wheels churning. 	Tony: Butter churns, David, wheels turn. 	
Psych Out 	Good morning, Tony. Why are you so preppy? 	Tony: Well, probably because I went to boarding school, but I think you mean 'peppy'. 	
Need to Know 	She's completely out of your ballpark. 	Tony: League. 	
The Good Son 	As for Wendy, I believe you were right to turn the book on that relationship. 	Tony: Turn the page, close the book. But yeah, I guess I was. 	
Playing with Fire 	She is one angry screw. 	Tony: Huh?Ziva: You know, a woman with a bad temper.Tony: Shrew, Ziva. 	
Double Blind 	We believe he's hoping to get me to flip. Perhaps to bring to light some aspects of our hunt for Bodnar that were... icy. 	Tony: Dicey. 	This line also contains a rare Ziva use of contractions.
Damned If You Do 	Ziva: You're preaching to the symphony, Ducky. 	Tony: Choir. 	
Out of the Darkness	Housekeeping 	Do not count your crocodiles before they hatch.
Ziva: “With all due respect to what EJ has been through, how can living off the griddle be more difficult than to have us protect her?”	
McGee: ”It’s living off the grid, Ziva. And Tony, you have to admit, the whole thing seems a bit fishy.”
== Correct Usage ==
On occasions rare enough to be noteworthy, Ziva gets an idiom right, and even corrects someone else's mistake.
Episode 	Expression 	Response 	Notes
Probie 	McGee: I killed a cop arresting a drug lord?Ziva: His goose is cooked. 	Tony: You would get that one right. 	
Hiatus Part 2 	What's wrong with this picture? 	Abby: Nothing! McGee and I triple-checked the numbers to make sure...Ziva: Not your photo. Did I make another idiomatic mistake?Tony: No. You mean something's wrong with what we know.Ziva: Exactly!	
Hiatus Part 2 	Oh, listen to the pot call the kettle black! Got that right, didn’t I? 	Tony: No.(McGee gives her a thumbs up.)Ziva: Yes! 	
Twisted Sister 	Gibbs: You know what a clog is?Ziva: A shoe or a blocked drain?Gibbs: On the internet.Ziva: I thought that was a "blog", but my English is often wrong. 	 	
Friends and Lovers	Tony: I was also a pretty mean clogger... that doesn't leave this room.Ziva: No one cares that you spent your summer prancing around in little wooden shoes.	Tony: The term is dancing. 	"Prancing" is an acceptable term in this context, but Tony insists on dignifying it.
Cover Story 	McGee: You know what deja vu is?Ziva: Bien sur. My French is better than my English. 	 	
Cover Story 	Then maybe we should spitball ideas and see what sticks... what, did I say it wrong? 	Tony: No, you got that right. 	
Enemies Foreign 	Liat Tuvia: I understand, you are very tongue-in-ear. 	Ziva: She means tongue-in-cheek.Tony: Don't put words in the lady's mouth. 	
Shabbat Shalom 	Eli David: As your Agent Gibbs would say, this is not my first radio. 	Ziva: Rodeo. 	
Category:NCIS Trivia
Category:Ziva-Isms
Category:Mispronuciations
Category:Idioms