The Letter

Joshua-G024 writes a letter to Andra-D054 after a training exercise goes wrong.
==Content==
Andra,
Little one, 
I don’t know if you will ever see this letter and truthfully, I am not sure why Frendsen is making me write it but hopefully in putting pen to paper I can explain to you why I did what I did. Why the actions I took were for your benefit, for Merlin’s, for your teams, I need you to understand that it was for you I did this. That all I have done has been for you. 
By now I am sure you have heard that I have tried to keep you all here, on-board the Infinity indefinitely. It’s true. Much to Frendsen and Amy’s chagrin I have kept finding reasons to keep Boson out of harm’s way. To be blunt with you, I am not sure what training you Delta’s received before you came to me but it was shoddy, there was no team cohesion. I tried to explain this to Frendsen. My company, the best Spartans ever made, have a casualty rate so unacceptable that it boggles my mind they commissioned more of us. I have watched you all fail repeatedly at my tests, at my combat challenges, and anything Amy has tried to throw at you. It’s why I pushed you, Andra, so hard because in you I saw the abilities required to survive.
Remember what I said when we were all introduced? How I was not lucky or talented - that I just survived? It’s all I’m looking for, all I wanted to see, and I only saw it in you. Frendsen wouldn’t let me take you out of Boson, so I had to push you all so much harder. I had to or you’d all die.
You all were still not ready when Frendsen told me you were going to be deployed. No matter how much I pushed, how much I tried to convince him otherwise he wouldn’t budge. Even Amy agreed with him! So that’s when I decided to do what I did - I knew if I hurt one of you Frendsen would have no choice but to take you out of these insane deployment plans. So I targeted the one most likely to get you killed. What you and Amy see in him I will never understand. I had to show you, to show Frendsen, that you weren’t ready that you would be killed if allowed to go out. I made the match unfair on purpose, I deliberately ensured you weren’t in your MJOLNIR and that you wouldn’t know Amy and I were. I saw the opening and I took it. I could have killed him, Andra, if I wanted, but I didn’t want to do that. I just needed to show you
I sent him flying across the arena on purpose, half-powered, not to kill but to injure. I need you to see that what I did was calculated, intentional, deliberate. It was just to show you how unfair real warfare is - I needed you to see that you weren’t ready. I hope you have seen that.
Amy’s just left, Frendsen wants her and I redeployed. She didn’t seem angry with me. I can’t tell anymore what she thinks. She just says less and less.
Far away from the Infinity again I reckon. Been a while since we’ve left and I think the time away from this place and all these Spartans will be good for me. 
Little one, I hope you can understand that this was done for you and for you alone. I did this with the best of intentions, I promise you. Maybe I went too far, but it’s done now. Do not judge me too harshly.
It’s time for me to sign off and see what Frendsen wants. I’ll give him this letter and if he wants to give it to you, or if you find it, I hope you read it knowing that I was only looking out for you.
I hope we meet again with clearer skies and calmer waters in our future. More than anything little one, I hope that you can get out of this life before it does to you what it did to me. This isn’t a life worth living but I hope you can see that we can find small moments in anything.
Your devoted teacher and brother,
Joshua H.
Lieutenant,
Team Xiphos