Scaryoldwoman

Scaryoldwoman(unknown first name), was a 171 year old woman, married to Scaryoldman.
Not much is known about Scaryoldwoman as the day she met SOM was also the last day she had on Earth.
==Life Story/The Book==
It is unknown who Scaryoldwoman was in her youth or what happened in her life, the only known information is that which happened when she was 171 years old.
The information that unfolds here is from a mysterious book from SOM's attic that describes this day in relative detail. The following story is from SOM's perspective.
The date is June 23rd, I am sitting on my rat-infested armchair, (don't go thinking I'm gross, I keep them there on purpose as it's like a free, fancy massage chair.). While sitting, I was also clipping my ten-inch long toenails, which are comparable to rotten wooden planks. I farted in my chair and felt the rats scuttle away, giving me that massage feeling I kept the chair for.
There is a storm outside and my wonkey chimney started spitting debris. To my surprise, some form of living creature came flying out. I scream and a loud whistle emitted from my mouth. I attempt to get out of my chair, but my legs don't let me. They begin popping, cracking and twisting. It's not worth the hassle, sigh. I look to it, wondering if it was a halloween decoration. For a minute, it made me think Santa was real, until I looked closer and realised it was a skull on a spine. The real horror came when it began wiggling around and shouting at me in an old woman voice, screeching, "You there! Marry me!", I, not knowing what marry meant, said, "Of course, I don't give a fuck!", with whistling following.
Suddenly, this creature tried to cough up something. It spat out a ring, this ring was the most loveliest ring I had ever seen in my life and I wanted to get this spine out of the way so I could take it and sell it off to become rich. The thing spoke again, asking for a ring back. I didn't have one, so I gave her a toenail clipping. She shouted at me to put the ring on, so I did, and then the true horror began. I fell to the floor in pain, screeching, whistling being more prominent than ever. This seemed to give power to the talking spine who started explaining what was going on.
The spine started spitting, "I'm here to stop an ancient prophecy that says you shall become the oldest man to ever live which will steal my world record of being the oldest human alive and I will continue to do this to anyone who ever comes close to beating my world record.".
For some reason this made me angry, not because of the thought that this thing would kill more people, but because I wanted fame, too. Suddenly, I heard a crash on the roof and heard footsteps coming down my creaky stairs. I try to look at who it is but I end up having a spasm on the floor. I hear the iconic noise I'd recognize anywhere. Fezzy's lightsaber. He then says, "Scaryoldman, I have returned from the moon in my gas cooker to save you because I am Super-Bunny, I believe in multiple chances, forgiveness and friendship."
I gasp, emitting another whistle, while the spine attempts to escape by rolling to the front door. Fezzy hops up to the spine and exclaims "Not so fast! No one escapes Super-Bunny!", to this untrue claim, the spine flies onto its neck and latches itself around it, strangling him, like a noose. The spasms in my hand make the ring slip off and, taking a while to stand, I screech, running as fast as my 80+ year old body allows me to, grabbing my trusty scythe from the wall and smashing it into the spine.