Trip to the Moon Remade

"Trip to the Moon Remade", also known as "Anti-Woke Squad GO!", is the 13th episode of the first season of Leader Plankton! Remade, and the 13th episode overall.
== Plot ==
A massive bigot re-emerges, threatening the Atomic Flounder's status as the most offensive person in Bikini Bottom. Meanwhile, Patchy the Pirate confronts Nickelodeon about their risqué TV shows. 
== Transcript ==
(Episode begins with Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy in Shady Shoals, watching TV)
Mermaid Man: Man, Barnacle Boy… Nothing is ever good on these stupid channels anymore.
Barnacle Boy: It’s all just woke propaganda! Yeah, sure, I bet you WANTED to put a WOMAN in your show, and you totally AREN’T doing it for social brownie points!
(The show is interrupted by a news report from Perch Perkins who is naked for some reason)
Perch Perkins: Breaking nudes! Sorry. Breaking news! In case you’re wondering why I’m nude, it’s “take your daughter to work day.” Now, onto our most catastrophic news - Far-Right Beavis has entered Bikini Bottom!
(Cut to show Beavis downtown, lighting buildings on fire and doing Nazi salutes)
Beavis: HEHEHEHEHEHEH, FIRE! FIRE! [VERY LONG DOLPHIN CHIRP] AND ARE AN AFFRONT TO GOD, HM HEH HEH HEH FIRE FIRE YEAH!!!!! FIRE!!!!!!
Background singers: (singing like a catchy commercial jingle) Far-right Beavis!
(Cut back to Perch Perkins with blood all over his body)
Perch Perkins: Someone, out there, if you have the power! Defeat Far-Right Beavis!
(A distant “hehehehe” is heard in the background of the news report)
(Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are both looking at the TV and each other aghast)
Mermaid Man: Barnacle Boy… Did you just hear that…
Barnacle Boy: I sure did… There is someone in town who is MORE bigoted than US!
Mermaid Man: This injustice will not - it SHALL NOT - STAND! WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS! Barnacle Boy… I think it’s time… We reunite the anti-woke squad….
Barnacle Boy: You’re damn right, old man. Let’s call up some old friends. Also, Beavis is hot and I want to [dolphin chirp] his [dolphin chirp] until it [dolphin chirp]s.
(Cut to the Atomic Flounder answering his phone)
Atomic Flounder: Hello, you’ve reached Atomic Flounder, Bikini Bottom’s number 1 bigot.
Mermaid Man: FLOUNDER! FLOUNDER, IT’S MERMAID MAN!
Atomic Flounder: Mermaid Man?! Why are you calling me?! We live in the same retirement home.
(The shot reveals that Atomic Flounder is literally just across the room from Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy)
Mermaid Man: That’s not important, Flounder. It’s time to reunite the Anti-Woke Squad. It’s urgent!
Atomic Flounder: Reunite the Anti-Woke Squad?!?! Now why should I want to do that?!
Mermaid Man: Because… There’s someone in town more bigoted than all of us combined.
(Upon hearing this, Atomic Flounder drops the phone in pure shock and starts to have a heart attack)
Mermaid Man: Flounder?! Stay with us, Flounder!
(Paramedics arrive inside Shady Shoals as Flounder begins convulsing on the floor and screaming in agony)
Mermaid Man: He’s in hysterics, Barnacle Boy! The news was just too much for him!
(The screen cuts to black as it cuts to Atomic Flounder in a dark hospital room alone. Flounder wakes, slowly, keeping one eye open as he hears the faint footsteps of a bigot, until a dark figure is seen standing in the doorway, who is revealed to be Beavis after taking a few steps forward)
Atomic Flounder: You… Beavis… my old arch-nemesis. I never thought you’d roam these streets again.
Beavis: Hehehehehehehehe, I always return for more. Just like the [dolphin chirp] after [dolphin chirps]. Hehehehehe. Hm heh heh heh.
Atomic Flounder: What brings you back on the prowl, old man? Want some more one-on-one bigotry battles? I’ve still got life left in my aching fish body.
Beavis: Heheeheheehehe hm heheh heh. You sure about that, Atomic Wedgie? Heheheheh. He hm heh. The only things worse than [dolphin chirp] are [dolphin chirp].
(The Atomic Flounder jumps out of the hospital bed similarly unscathed and flexes his muscles in a highly-detailed shot of him standing up like a superhero.)
Atomic Flounder: I’m still the Atomic Flounder, my boy! I can spit hatred like no one else! My veins OOZE bigotry and prejudice! I am so racist, I piss blood! 
Beavis: Hm hehehehe. That might be a you problem. I’m racist too - white people are [dolphin chirp], hm hehehehe - and I piss fine. FIRE! FIRE! FIRE ANYONE WHO IS [DOLPHIN CHIRP]!
Atomic Flounder: Oh, yeah?! What colour is your piss?
Beavis: Pitch black. The doctor says my kidney stones are actually just alligator eggs.
Atomic Flounder: Can… can I eat them?
Beavis: NO! WHAT THE BUTTHEAD-
(Cut to a shadowy figure of a professor dropping ingredients into a potion.)
Narrator: Transphobia… Racism… and everything based… Those were the ingredients chosen to create the perfect little bigots.
(The professor accidentally drops another chemical into the mixture.)
Narrator: But Professor Trump accidentally added an extra ingredient to the concoction: FOX NEWS!
(We see the anti-woke squad arise from the lab.)
Narrator: And thus, the Anti-Woke Squad were born! Using their super-ultra powers…
(We see a close-up of each bigot as they are mentioned.)
Narrator: Mermaid Man… Barnacle Boy… the Atomic Flounder… and uh, Larry, I guess, but I hate lobsters, so he doesn’t count… 
Larry: Hey!
Narrator: These, ahem, FOUR, have dedicated their lives to fighting liberals and the forces of wokeness!
(Rock music starts to play as we see epic shots of the bigots fighting “wokeness”, including shots of Mermaid Man bashing Joe Biden’s face in, Barnacle Boy throwing a grenade into CBS News, and the Atomic Flounder watching a critical race theory lecture and shaking his head disapprovingly.)
Singer: Mermaid Man is on his way - to prove that whites are the oppressed race!
Mermaid Man: That’s right!
Singer: With his pal, Barnacle Boy - they’ll leave SJWs destroyed!
Barnacle Boy: Snowflakes!
Singer: Atomic Flounder, he’s the biggest threat - he hates nothing more than suffragettes! 
Atomic Flounder: I fucking hate women. 
(Laugh track)
Singer: And Larry the Lobster… (spoken) he’s there too. 
Larry: COME ON! I’M THE BIGOT HERE!
Singer: (back to singing) Fighting wokeness all around the world! Making sure boys are boys and girls are girls! Fake news squandered! QAnon pondered! The Anti-Woke Squad are here to save the dayyyyy! (high falsetto voice) Also they hate the gayyyyyyyys…
Mermaid Man: Tell us something we DON’T know…
(Laugh track; cut back to the hospital)
Atomic Flounder: Let’s tangle, Beavis. Just like old times.
Beavis: Hehehehehehe. Only if you agree to suck my bulging cock if you lose. Hm hehe hm heheh cock and balls hehehe.
Patchy the Pirate: (Offscreen) You’ve gotta be kidding me!
(The episode seems to be destroyed, with cracks appearing on the screen, before we cut to Patchy the Pirate in his living room, sitting on the couch - with a noticeable boner - shooting bullets into the TV while pissing all over it)
Potty: Squawk, that's really fucking disgusting!
Patchy: Oh, shut up, Potty! I'm too pissed off for your usual shenanigans today. Now get into the sex dungeon. 
Potty: Squawk! No way.
Patchy: Well, I can’t force you in there. Apparently it's illegal to have birds in your sex dungeon. Damn Obama.
Potty: Squawk, why’d ya shoot your TV? Squawk!
Patchy: Didn’t you hear that filth? Nickelodeon should be ashamed of broadcasting that on national television. Imagine if your kids were watching that shit, Potty! I watched every single episode in a row, and I just couldn't STAND it! I mean, how the fuck do you come up with an episode where Mr. Krabs ejaculates all over the town?!
Potty: Squawk! I saw you jacking off to that shit. 
Patchy: Okay, I admit, I was jacking off to that shit like mad. But disregarding THAT, HOW THE BARNACLES DO YOU COME UP WITH THAT SHIT?
Potty: Squawk! Drugs.
Patchy: It’s not drugs, Potty. It’s perversion of the mind. The writers of this programme are criminally depraved. 
Potty: Squawk! You have a sex dungeon.
Patchy: Yeah, but at least I don’t broadcast it on TV. Now, Potty, I have an extensive list of issues I have with this show. I was writing it every time I came whilst watching it.
(Patchy shows Potty a piece of paper with incoherent blots of black ink)
Patchy: Now inserting black ink into my fully erect penis and attempting to use it as a pen may seem to you like a silly idea. But that’s because you’re just a cutesy-wutesy parrot!
(Patchy strokes Potty’s head)
Patchy: Us humans know how to be efficient.
(A caption pops up saying “EDITOR’S NOTE: On behalf of humans, we apologize.”)
Potty: Squawk! What are ya gonna do about it, social justice Bluebeard? Squawk! (coughs up blood and cum)
Patchy: I am going to write a letter to Nickelodeon to say how much I HATE this filth! 
Potty: You really think they'd listen to a letter that was written with your penis?
Patchy: They hired Dan Schneider. Listen, Potty, it's either this or a mail bomb.
Potty: Squawk! Can’t you complain to the President?
Patchy: Pfft, he wouldn’t listen to an ol’ degenerate like me. Besides, I’m sure Donald Trump has more interesting things to be doing.
Potty: Squawk! He lost the election, Patchy. It’s been three years.
Patchy: Bullshit! Now let’s do Jan 6th on those Nickelodeon headquarters! I'm about to go DEF CON 3 on Nickelodeon!
(Patchy shoots into the camera, turning it black. We hear the sounds of him pissing on the TV for a few seconds, before the black screen morphs into an orange one, and we zoom out to reveal that he is in front of Nickelodeon Studios, with Potty on his left shoulder, holding a gun disguised as a pizza chef)
Potty: Squawk. Do I have to wear this disguise?
(Camera zooms out to reveal that Patchy is in a giant pizza costume)
Patchy: Shut up, Chef Pee Pee. Just go with it. 
Potty: You think they'd take you seriously in THAT?
Patchy: If they don't comply, I will rip off the costume. Because guess what? I'm not wearing clothes under this. They will get a face full of Patchy penis. 
Potty: Squawk! I’m familiar. (licks lips)
Patchy: Now, let's go, Potty! Time's-a-
(Patchy marches forward but trips and falls on his face)
Patchy: OW! FUCK! Okay, maybe this pizza outfit wasn't the best idea.
(Patchy stands up, and rips off the pizza costume, revealing his penis)
Patchy: Ahhhh… much better! And it gives me little Patchy time to breathe!
(A kid is heard screaming; a police officer walks up to Patchy)
Officer: Sir, if you don't put some clothes on right now, I will be forced to beat and cuff you.
Patchy: Ha! You and what army? 
(Tanks and a military regiment show up aiming at Patchy's dong)
Patchy: Oh, fiddlesticks.
(It cuts to inside the Nick studio, in a room labeled "Nick Jail;" Patchy and Potty are thrown into a cell)
Potty: Squawk! Why am I in here?!
Officer: I dunno. I just thought it'd be funny.
Patchy: Hey, I don't belong here! I need to go to the head of Nickelodeon and complain about the degenerate filth they're displaying on their network!
Officer: Wait, you mean Leader Plankton! Remade? That show was pulled off the air weeks ago!
Patchy: Wuh?!
Officer: Yeah, the degenerates who were writing it were thrown in here yesterday. 
Patchy: So… they're here now?
Officer: Yeah, the cell across from you. 
(The officer walks out of the way to reveal 2 women standing in the jail cell, both seeming starved. One is a witch, the other a vampire, both holding scraps of paper and pens)
Witch: Need…. To write…. Plankton orgasmic… (falls asleep)
Vampire: Wake up! WAKE UP! SNAP OUT OF IT! (shakes the witch’s head, leading to both vomiting)
Patchy: What the hell? Why are there witches and vampires writing Nick shows?
Officer: They’re not. At least not anymore. We placed ‘em here because they kept on filling the SpongeBob scripts with nasty shit like cum tsunamis, pro-abortion sentiments, mass shootings, all that good stuff. 
Witch: No one ever told us we couldn't! 
Vampire: They allowed us to do that on Planet Sheen!
Officer: Yeah, because nobody ever watched Planet Sheen. 
Vampire: (under her breath) You would if Schneider wrote it.
Officer: (points a gun towards the cell) What was that?
Vampire: NOTHING. (coughs)
Patchy: Why would you even bring these jerks in?! They ruined me favorite show!
Officer: They were desperate for writers and just hired anyone. We were gonna kill them later today, if you wanted to see that.
Potty: Squawk! I love public executions! They make me squawkfellow!
Patchy: Shut it, pothead. Officer, I’d love to see that. Do you have a time?
Officer: 7pm.
Patchy: I’ll be there, pants off. How is this execution gonna go? Shooting range? Hanging?
Officer: I dunno. However you would go about killing a witch and a vampire. 
(We see a man in a suit through the window to the prison, holding a massive drill)
Man: Hey Johnny, is this working?
(He shoves the drill through Johnny’s chest, smearing him in blood and guts)
Patchy: That was honestly kind of hot. 
Officer: You’ll see more of that at 7pm tonight. Be there or be square.
Potty: Squawk! But we’re in jail!
Officer: (taps onto the cell bars, revealing they were paper that crumbles with one touch) No you’re not.
Witch: Oh come on. This is the worst news I’ve heard since I was told we were gonna be executed… (checks wrist-witch-watch) five minutes ago.
Officer: Get over here. It's time to-
(Suddenly, the witch grabs a broomstick and crashes through the wall)
Officer: God FUCKING damnit. That happens EVERY TIME. Well, vampire, you got any escape tricks? Anything you wanna try?
Vampire: bleh i will suck ur blood !!! uWu nyaaa~~
Officer: I'd rather shoot myself.
(The officer grabs his gun and shoots himself in the head; the vampire jumps out the hole in the wall. Cut to the Witch standing in a field with the vampire)
Witch: Well, we're free. What do we do now?
(The Witch looks at the vampire and realizes she is just a pile of ash)
Witch: Oh, right. Vampires die in the sun. Oh well! 
(It starts raining)
Witch: Well, at least my legacy will be that I wrote Planet Sheen pornography. It’s the way Jesus Sandal would have wanted.
(As the witch is melting, a light appears from the sky and a holy, angelic voice booms from the heavens)
Holy Voice: I ain’t want that shit.
(A house falls on the witch)
Holy Voice: Ahh… just how I like it.
(Cut to Nickelodeon Studios, wherein Patchy and Potty are in a meeting with the officer and Jesus Sandal)
Officer: I’m willing to completely wipe your Nickelodeon Studios criminal record, if you join the Leader Plankton! team.
Patchy: Are you kiddin'? I would love to! Maybe I can clean that filth up. (unzips) Where do I sign?
(Cut to Patchy setting up to watch his own episode)
Patchy: Got my popcorn. My parrot. My lube in case things get spicy. (he sits down) Now, time to turn on Nick and see the fruit of my hard work.
(He turns the TV on with the remote and snuggles into his couch, ready to enjoy)
Patchy: This is some good shit, Potty. 
(Patchy’s episode begins with Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy in Shady Shoals, watching TV)
Mermaid Man: Man, Barnacle Boy… Nothing is ever good on these stupid channels anymore.
Barnacle Boy: It’s all just woke propaganda! Yeah, sure, I bet you WANTED to put a WOMAN in your show, and you totally AREN’T doing it for social brownie points!
(The show is interrupted by a news report from Perch Perkins who is naked for some reason)
Perch Perkins: Breaking nudes! Sorry. Breaking news! In case you’re wondering why I’m nude, it’s “take your daughter to work day.” Now, onto our most catastrophic news - Far-Right Beavis has entered Bikini Bottom!
(Cut to show Beavis downtown, lighting buildings on fire and doing Nazi salutes)
Beavis: HEHEHEHEHEHEH, FIRE! FIRE! [VERY LONG DOLPHIN CHIRP] AND ARE AN AFFRONT TO GOD, HM HEH HEH HEH FIRE FIRE YEAH!!!!! FIRE!!!!!!
Background singers: (singing like a catchy commercial jingle) Far-right Beavis!
(Cut back to Perch Perkins with blood all over his body)
Perch Perkins: Someone, out there, if you have the power! Defeat Far-Right Beavis!
(A distant “hehehehe” is heard in the background of the news report)
(Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are both looking at the TV and each other aghast)
Mermaid Man: Barnacle Boy… Did you just hear that…
Barnacle Boy: I sure did… There is someone in town who is MORE bigoted than US!
Mermaid Man: This injustice will not - it SHALL NOT - STAND! WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS! Barnacle Boy… I think it’s time… We reunite the anti-woke squad….
Barnacle Boy: You’re damn right, old man. Let’s call up some old friends. Also, Beavis is hot and I want to [dolphin chirp] his [dolphin chirp] until it [dolphin chirp]s.
(Cut to the Atomic Flounder answering his phone)
Atomic Flounder: Hello, you’ve reached Atomic Flounder, Bikini Bottom’s number 1 bigot.
Mermaid Man: FLOUNDER! FLOUNDER, IT’S MERMAID MAN!
Atomic Flounder: Mermaid Man?! Why are you calling me?! We live in the same retirement home.
(The shot reveals that Atomic Flounder is literally just across the room from Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy)
Mermaid Man: That’s not important, Flounder. It’s time to reunite the Anti-Woke Squad. It’s urgent!
Atomic Flounder: Reunite the Anti-Woke Squad?!?! Now why should I want to do that?!
Mermaid Man: Because… There’s someone in town more bigoted than all of us combined.
(Upon hearing this, Atomic Flounder drops the phone in pure shock and starts to have a heart attack)
Mermaid Man: Flounder?! Stay with us, Flounder!
(Paramedics arrive inside Shady Shoals as Flounder begins convulsing on the floor and screaming in agony)
Mermaid Man: He’s in hysterics, Barnacle Boy! The news was just too much for him!
(The screen cuts to black as it cuts to Atomic Flounder in a dark hospital room alone. Flounder wakes, slowly, keeping one eye open as he hears the faint footsteps of a bigot, until a dark figure is seen standing in the doorway, who is revealed to be Beavis after taking a few steps forward)
Atomic Flounder: You… Beavis… my old arch-nemesis. I never thought you’d roam these streets again.
Beavis: Hehehehehehehehe, I always return for more. Just like the [dolphin chirp] after [dolphin chirps]. Hehehehehe. Hm heh heh heh.
Atomic Flounder: What brings you back on the prowl, old man? Want some more one-on-one bigotry battles? I’ve still got life left in my aching fish body.
Beavis: Heheeheheehehe hm heheh heh. You sure about that, Atomic Wedgie? Heheheheh. He hm heh. The only things worse than [dolphin chirp] are [dolphin chirp].
(The Atomic Flounder jumps out of the hospital bed similarly unscathed and flexes his muscles in a highly-detailed shot of him standing up like a superhero.)
Atomic Flounder: I’m still the Atomic Flounder, my boy! I can spit hatred like no one else! My veins OOZE bigotry and prejudice! I am so racist, I piss blood! 
Beavis: Hm hehehehe. That might be a you problem. I’m racist too - white people are [dolphin chirp], hm hehehehe - and I piss fine. FIRE! FIRE! FIRE ANYONE WHO IS [DOLPHIN CHIRP]!
Atomic Flounder: Oh, yeah?! What colour is your piss?
Beavis: Pitch black. The doctor says my kidney stones are actually just alligator eggs.
Atomic Flounder: Can… can I eat them?
Beavis: NO! WHAT THE BUTTHEAD-
(Cut to a shadowy figure of a professor dropping ingredients into a potion.)
Narrator: Transphobia… Racism… and everything based… Those were the ingredients chosen to create the perfect little bigots.
(The professor accidentally drops another chemical into the mixture.)
Narrator: But Professor Trump accidentally added an extra ingredient to the concoction: FOX NEWS!
(We see the anti-woke squad arise from the lab.)
Narrator: And thus, the Anti-Woke Squad were born! Using their super-ultra powers…
(We see a close-up of each bigot as they are mentioned.)
Narrator: Mermaid Man… Barnacle Boy… the Atomic Flounder… and uh, Larry, I guess, but I hate lobsters, so he doesn’t count… 
Larry: Hey!
Narrator: These, ahem, FOUR, have dedicated their lives to fighting liberals and the forces of wokeness!
(Rock music starts to play as we see epic shots of the bigots fighting “wokeness”, including shots of Mermaid Man bashing Joe Biden’s face in, Barnacle Boy throwing a grenade into CBS News, and the Atomic Flounder watching a critical race theory lecture and shaking his head disapprovingly.)
Singer: Mermaid Man is on his way - to prove that whites are the oppressed race!
Mermaid Man: That’s right!
Singer: With his pal, Barnacle Boy - they’ll leave SJWs destroyed!
Barnacle Boy: Snowflakes!
Singer: Atomic Flounder, he’s the biggest threat - he hates nothing more than suffragettes! 
Atomic Flounder: I fucking hate women. 
(Laugh track)
Singer: And Larry the Lobster… (spoken) he’s there too. 
Larry: COME ON! I’M THE BIGOT HERE!
Singer: (back to singing) Fighting wokeness all around the world! Making sure boys are boys and girls are girls! Fake news squandered! QAnon pondered! The Anti-Woke Squad are here to save the dayyyyy! (high falsetto voice) Also they hate the gayyyyyyyys…
Mermaid Man: Tell us something we DON’T know…
(Laugh track; cut back to the hospital)
Atomic Flounder: Let’s tangle, Beavis. Just like old times.
Beavis: Hehehehehehe. Only if you agree to suck my bulging cock if you lose. Hm hehe hm heheh cock and balls hehehe.
Patchy the Pirate: (Offscreen) You’ve gotta be kidding me!
(The episode seems to be destroyed, with cracks appearing on the screen, before we cut to Patchy the Pirate in his living room, sitting on the couch - with a noticeable boner - shooting bullets into the TV while pissing all over it)
Potty: Squawk, that's really fucking disgusting!
Patchy: Oh, shut up, Potty! I'm too pissed off for your usual shenanigans today. Now get into the sex dungeon. 
Potty: Squawk! No way.
Patchy: Well, I can’t force you in there. Apparently it's illegal to have birds in your sex dungeon. Damn Obama.
Potty: Squawk, why’d ya shoot your TV? Squawk!
Patchy: Didn’t you hear that filth? Nickelodeon should be ashamed of broadcasting that on national television. Imagine if your kids were watching that shit, Potty! I watched every single episode in a row, and I just couldn't STAND it! I mean, how the fuck do you come up with an episode where Mr. Krabs ejaculates all over the town?!
Potty: Squawk! I saw you jacking off to that shit. 
Patchy: Okay, I admit, I was jacking off to that shit like mad. But disregarding THAT, HOW THE BARNACLES DO YOU COME UP WITH THAT SHIT?
Potty: Squawk! Drugs.
Patchy: It’s not drugs, Potty. It’s perversion of the mind. The writers of this programme are criminally depraved. 
Potty: Squawk! You have a sex dungeon.
Patchy: Yeah, but at least I don’t broadcast it on TV. Now, Potty, I have an extensive list of issues I have with this show. I was writing it every time I came whilst watching it.
(Patchy shows Potty a piece of paper with incoherent blots of black ink)
Patchy: Now inserting black ink into my fully erect penis and attempting to use it as a pen may seem to you like a silly idea. But that’s because you’re just a cutesy-wutesy parrot!
(Patchy strokes Potty’s head)
Patchy: Us humans know how to be efficient.
(A caption pops up saying “EDITOR’S NOTE: On behalf of humans, we apologize.”)
Potty: Squawk! What are ya gonna do about it, social justice Bluebeard? Squawk! (coughs up blood and cum)
Patchy: I am going to write a letter to Nickelodeon to say how much I HATE this filth! 
Potty: You really think they'd listen to a letter that was written with your penis?
Patchy: They hired Dan Schneider. Listen, Potty, it's either this or a mail bomb.
Potty: Squawk! Can’t you complain to the President?
Patchy: Pfft, he wouldn’t listen to an ol’ degenerate like me. Besides, I’m sure Donald Trump has more interesting things to be doing.
Potty: Squawk! He lost the election, Patchy. It’s been three years.
Patchy: Bullshit! Now let’s do Jan 6th on those Nickelodeon headquarters! I'm about to go DEF CON 3 on Nickelodeon!
(Patchy shoots into the camera, turning it black. We hear the sounds of him pissing on the TV for a few seconds, before the black screen morphs into an orange one, and we zoom out to reveal that he is in front of Nickelodeon Studios, with Potty on his left shoulder, holding a gun disguised as a pizza chef)
Potty: Squawk. Do I have to wear this disguise?
(Camera zooms out to reveal that Patchy is in a giant pizza costume)
Patchy: Shut up, Chef Pee Pee. Just go with it. 
Potty: You think they'd take you seriously in THAT?
Patchy: If they don't comply, I will rip off the costume. Because guess what? I'm not wearing clothes under this. They will get a face full of Patchy penis. 
Potty: Squawk! I’m familiar. (licks lips)
Patchy: Now, let's go, Potty! Time's-a-
(Patchy marches forward but trips and falls on his face)
Patchy: OW! FUCK! Okay, maybe this pizza outfit wasn't the best idea.
(Patchy stands up, and rips off the pizza costume, revealing his penis)
Patchy: Ahhhh… much better! And it gives me little Patchy time to breathe!
(A kid is heard screaming; a police officer walks up to Patchy)
Officer: Sir, if you don't put some clothes on right now, I will be forced to beat and cuff you.
Patchy: Ha! You and what army? 
(Tanks and a military regiment show up aiming at Patchy's dong)
Patchy: Oh, fiddlesticks.
(It cuts to inside the Nick studio, in a room labeled "Nick Jail;" Patchy and Potty are thrown into a cell)
Potty: Squawk! Why am I in here?!
Officer: I dunno. I just thought it'd be funny.
Patchy: Hey, I don't belong here! I need to go to the head of Nickelodeon and complain about the degenerate filth they're displaying on their network!
Officer: Wait, you mean Leader Plankton! Remade? That show was pulled off the air weeks ago!
Patchy: Wuh?!
Officer: Yeah, the degenerates who were writing it were thrown in here yesterday. 
Patchy: So… they're here now?
Officer: Yeah, the cell across from you. 
(The officer walks out of the way to reveal 2 women standing in the jail cell, both seeming starved. One is a witch, the other a vampire, both holding scraps of paper and pens)
Witch: Need…. To write…. Plankton orgasmic… (falls asleep)
Vampire: Wake up! WAKE UP! SNAP OUT OF IT! (shakes the witch’s head, leading to both vomiting)
Patchy: What the hell? Why are there witches and vampires writing Nick shows?
Officer: They’re not. At least not anymore. We placed ‘em here because they kept on filling the SpongeBob scripts with nasty shit like cum tsunamis, pro-abortion sentiments, mass shootings, all that good stuff. 
Witch: No one ever told us we couldn't! 
Vampire: They allowed us to do that on Planet Sheen!
Officer: Yeah, because nobody ever watched Planet Sheen. 
Vampire: (under her breath) You would if Schneider wrote it.
Officer: (points a gun towards the cell) What was that?
Vampire: NOTHING. (coughs)
Patchy: Why would you even bring these jerks in?! They ruined me favorite show!
Officer: They were desperate for writers and just hired anyone. We were gonna kill them later today, if you wanted to see that.
Potty: Squawk! I love public executions! They make me squawkfellow!
Patchy: Shut it, pothead. Officer, I’d love to see that. Do you have a time?
Officer: 7pm.
Patchy: I’ll be there, pants off. How is this execution gonna go? Shooting range? Hanging?
Officer: I dunno. However you would go about killing a witch and a vampire. 
(We see a man in a suit through the window to the prison, holding a massive drill)
Man: Hey Johnny, is this working?
(He shoves the drill through Johnny’s chest, smearing him in blood and guts)
Patchy: That was honestly kind of hot. 
Officer: You’ll see more of that at 7pm tonight. Be there or be square.
Potty: Squawk! But we’re in jail!
Officer: (taps onto the cell bars, revealing they were paper that crumbles with one touch) No you’re not.
Witch: Oh come on. This is the worst news I’ve heard since I was told we were gonna be executed… (checks wrist-witch-watch) five minutes ago.
Officer: Get over here. It's time to-
(Suddenly, the witch grabs a broomstick and crashes through the wall)
Officer: God FUCKING damnit. That happens EVERY TIME. Well, vampire, you got any escape tricks? Anything you wanna try?
Vampire: bleh i will suck ur blood !!! uWu nyaaa~~
Officer: I'd rather shoot myself.
(The officer grabs his gun and shoots himself in the head; the vampire jumps out the hole in the wall. Cut to the Witch standing in a field with the vampire)
Witch: Well, we're free. What do we do now?
(The Witch looks at the vampire and realizes she is just a pile of ash)
Witch: Oh, right. Vampires die in the sun. Oh well! 
(It starts raining)
Witch: Well, at least my legacy will be that I wrote Planet Sheen pornography. It’s the way Jesus Sandal would have wanted.
(As the witch is melting, a light appears from the sky and a holy, angelic voice booms from the heavens)
Holy Voice: I ain’t want that shit.
(A house falls on the witch)
Holy Voice: Ahh… just how I like it.
(Cut to Nickelodeon Studios, wherein Patchy and Potty are in a meeting with the officer and Jesus Sandal)
Officer: I’m willing to completely wipe your Nickelodeon Studios criminal record, if you join the Leader Plankton! team.
Patchy: Are you kiddin'? I would love to! Maybe I can clean that filth up. (unzips) Where do I sign?
(Cut to Patchy in the meeting room with everyone watching the episode, including the Witch and Vampire)
Witch: Bruh. 
Patchy: Well? Didja like it?
Officer: That was actually, genuinely the worst piece of crap I have ever watched. Who was that bastard at the prison? Most corrupt guy I have ever seen.
Patchy: Hey, I wrote what I know. 
Witch: Why did I die so violently?
Vampire: (holding an umbrella) And why didn’t you let me use my umbrella? 
Witch: And why did you give me a goatee?
Nickelodeon Executive: And where am I? Surely, my massive cock should be included.
Patchy: Eh, it didn’t pass the suck test, or the storyboards. Also, your penis is NOT big. It’s fucking TINY compared to mine.
Witch: What fucking ever. I’m out of here.
(The Witch flies through the window on a broomstick)
Vampire: So am I.
(She turns into a bat and flies away)
Officer: Uh… So, Patchy, before I fire and blacklist you from every job ever… Can you prove your penis is bigger?
Potty: SQUAWK! NO!
Patchy: GLADLY. (unzips, episode cuts to black and we hear screaming, following by the executive talking)
Executive: (Offscreen) Shit. He’s right.
== Trivia ==
* This episode actually has jack shit to do with Leader Plankton!, but it still won Best Grover/Count von Count Rated Episode at the 11th Square Logo Awards
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