1993 MGM UA Home Video Logo Bloopers Season 1 Complete Full Length Version by Thunderbirds101 Films Inc.

Kmart. Not Kmart, MGM/UA Home Video. The Kmart is the commercial plug should be a commercial plug. Change the logo now! Sam's Club. Do they mean the Super Bowl 45 champion, Sam's Club? Don't remind me, Mary. I wanted Pittsburgh to win. Not Sam's Club, MGM/UA Home Video. Change it! Well, what are you waiting for? Okay, okay. Don't rush me. SpongeBob SquarePants? SpongeBob SquarePants? That logo should watch its the pineapple under the sea. You idiot! You changed the wrong logo! Now get it right immediately! Now it's The Little Mermaid. I never watched The Little Mermaid. Hey Mr. Shield, can you make the next logo read The Aristocats? As good as done, Mary. Of course, we all know Sam's The Aristocats is P-U. *** *** ***! That's enough! Shield, you're not going to display The Little Mermaid or The Aristocats or even Oliver & Company. You are under contract to display MGM/UA Home Video and only MGM/UA Home Video. I'm giving you one last chance. That does it! Shield, you're fired! Fired!? Fired!? I have only this to say to you: Old Navy! I'm going to visit Tom and Jerry at M-G-M. If he's fired, I quit. Old Navy, Sam. *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***! No, no, no! The MGM/UA Home Video Logo is supposed to stop when the music starts, not fly away. Let's try it again. Uh-oh! Runaway lion! He didn't want to be detected by crooks. He's a *** show-off. Now let's try the logo again. All right shield, what are you trying to do to us? I just wanted to spice things up. You should know when to stop. Now let's try the logo again. Stop the music! This is the music for other version! Now let's try it one more time. Jeez Louise! Who flipped the frame? Sorry. I hit a bump in the road. Well, that explains it. Let's break for lunch. B-backwards N-D? What the hell kind of weird-*** name is that? Looks like a Buddha. If this Buddha can bend it, who needs Beckham? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Lorimar. Where have I heard that name before? I used to date her, but she dumped me for a foreign logo. Subway! Subway. Eat fresh. Eat poison. What is this, a commercial? You can be sure... ...if it's Westinghouse. Get out of here, Westinghouse! This is not a commercial production. What are you talking about? This is a free country, isn't it? Out out out out out! O-U-T! Out! Sam, Sam, Sam. Why must you be so rude to our guests? Shut up, you ***! YMCA. I used to own a YMCA set. I was expecting YMCA club myself. Get out! No more commercial plugs in an ident! Period! Panda Express. How do you Panda Express? I Panda Express very well. Now this is getting racy. I agree. What else could come up? The Viacom V of Doom? Oh noes! I shouldn't have said that! [POW!] [BLAM!] Jeez Louise! Did you see that? I don't believe it. The V of Doom just ran Microsoft Sam over like a steamroller. Sam? Sam? Are you all right? Speak to me, Sam. Did you get the license of that truck? Let's get Sam to a hospital. The Wonderful World of Disney? The Wonderful World of Disney? That's not right. That's wrong! It should be MGM/UA Home Video, not The Wonderful World of Disney. The Wonderful World of Disney makes me think of Disney movies. Speak for yourself, Mike. I just used the restroom a couple of minutes ago. I can tell. I can smell it from a mile away. P-U. Now that's silly. Who ever heard of a WWW/UA Home Video logo? World War? Wild Whiskey? Weird Willie? Wolf Whistle. Do that to me, Sam, and I'll slap you! *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***! Now what in the heck is a BBB/UA Home Video Logo? I've heard of a B-B-B gun, but not a BBB/UA Home Video Logo. BBBBBBBBBBB! I hope they get it right this time. The Flintstones? The Flintstones? I don't want tuberculosis. Computer voices never catch tuberculosis. We don't even have lungs. Tuberculosis? Eewwwwww! They'd better get it right this time, or else! Oh no! Not BP! Anything but BP! I don't care if they cleaned up their image after that oil spill! I'm never getting gasoline from BP again as long as I live! You hear me? Never never never never never never never never! Now hear this! If you say BP one more time, I'm going to zoom in and beat you up! Screw yourself, BP! All right, you asked for it! No no no no no no no no! I take it back! [BLAM!!] Sam? Sam? Are you all right? Speak to me, Sam! He's out cold, Mary. We'll have to get him to the hospital. And look at the set. It's fallin' apart. We'll have to put up an OUT OF ORDER sign before we get Sam to the doctor. Great idea, Mike. Now let's go. What the hell is this? There are no captions in the logo! I agree with you, Sam. Lion, go back and get some captions. Walt Disney Pictures? I thought Buena Vista owned Walt Disney, not Metro Goldwyn Mayer. Walt Disney, Touchstone, Miramax, Dimension, Hollywood Pictures. I watch some movies from Walt Disney Pictures. Wrong logo. Change it. This is not DreamWorks Animation SKG, this is MGM/UA Home Video. Change it. [NBC Chimes] The following program is brought to you in Living Color on NBC. Oh, how cute. I love peacocks. I don't. I'm allergic to them. Ahhh... ahhh... Ahh-CHOOOO! Gesundheit. Ah, a new house. I've always wanted to live in a NET house. Keep it up, Sam, and you'll be living in a NUT house! As for you, NET House, go back and get me the 1993 MGM/UA Home Video Logo! NOW! Mike, why must you be such an ***? Sam, you sonofabitch, I am not a *** ***! You're a potty mouth, as well as a liar! Liar! Liar! Liar! Liar! Liar! Tom and Jerry on 20th Century Fox? That'd be new. Anything would be better than that crappy movies they show to kids these days. Go! Go go go go go go go! Take it easy, Mike. It's not my fault we keep getting all the wrong logos. It could be worse, like the Screen Gems S from Hell. No no no no no no no no no no no no noooooooooooooooooooo! Not that! Not the S from Hell! Let me outta here! Eeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-eaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... What's the matter with Sam? He's been terrified of scary logos. First the Viacom V of Doom, next the BP Shield, now the Screen Gems S from Hell. I think he needs professional help. I agree, Mary. Let's find him, then we'll seek out a psychiatrist. Hahahahahahahahahahah lol lol lol lol rofl rofl rofl rofl soi soi soi soi! What's so *** funny, Sam? The captions MGM/UA Home Video is said came in without the lion. Hahhahahaahahahahahah! It just looks so exquisite that way. MGM/CBS? The 1980 MGM/CBS Home Video logo in a 1993 MGM/UA Home Video Logo? They must be really ahead of their time. MGM/CBS Home Video Logo, this is a 1993 MGM/UA Home Video Logo and you don't come in until 1980. MGM/UA Home Video 1982? Didn't they make shoes? I take a size 9. 1993, not 1982! Now it's the 1998 Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Home Entertainment Logo. Our movies can be MGM if Sam wasn't such a grouch. That doesn't come in until 1998. Go back and bring up the proper logo. Lionsgate? That didn't even exist in 1993. And this is supposed to be Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer. Get out of here now! Sam, Sam, Sam, why are you such a grouch? Who asked you, ***? Stop calling me an ***, you sonofabitch! Warner Home Video has taken over MGM. I guess Looney Tunes will star in a Tom and Jerry cartoon soon. No more Bugs Bunny, my friend, and I'm giving you one more chance. The Cartoon Network logo in an MGM/UA Home Video Logo! Now Scooby-Doo can costar with Tom and Jerry. Sorry, but Cartoon Network a couple of years ago. Scooby substituted cyanide for Shaggy's spinach and beat the snot out of the one-eyed Scooby. And they hanged Scooby-Doo for the *** of Cartoon Network. There was not a dry eye in Sweethaven that day. Enough, all of you! And as for the idiot messing up the logos, you're fired! Now you've done it, Sam! Where are we going to find someone to man the shield? There are plenty of other fish in this ocean. They come a dime a dozen. While we're looking for a replacement, let's all go out for lunch. All right! What's going on here? Hey---you with the captions! Who, me? Yes, you. You got the caption wrong. It's either MGM/UA Home Video, not MMG/UA Home Video. Go back and change it. Okay, boss. MUG/UA Home Video? They should have stuck with MMG/UA Home Video. I agree. Sounds like tunes for me--- MMG/UA Home Video. Hee hee hee hee hee! That's R-O-N-G wrong. Start over. What's this? "Oediv Emoh AU/MGM?" What the hell are you trying to do to me? I was trying to do the whole thing with mirrors. What you have is a mirror image. Go back and do it right. Well, tscha! Nobody appreciates creativity any more. Hey Sam, they finally gave you top billing. I knew they'd give Sam his due sooner or later. Only something's not right. What do you mean? I gave you your proper billing, didn't I? Not the title card you're showing now, the one before it. What's wrong with it? The caption below the lion is wrong. It should say "MGM/UA," not "MGM resents." It's not a mistake. Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer really does resent you! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Why you--- [BOOM!] Take it easy, Sam. He was just teasing you. Shut up, you ***! Hahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! 2 logos of MGM/UA Home Video in an ident! How silly! Sony Wonder! That's what I say! We need to talk. Yeah? Whatta you want to talk about, Sam? Not here. Meet me in my office in five minutes. Don't be too rough on him, Sam. He's only learning the ropes. I'm in charge and I'll do what I want. Besides, jobs like his come a dime a dozen. Cut! All right, what's going on here? Hey, you with the captions! Who, me? Yes, you. It's not supposed to be CBS/UA Home Video; it's supposed to be MGM/UA Home Video. Change it! No, it's not an improvement, but next time, it's not Disney/UA Home Video, it's MGM/UA Home Video and get it right, capeesh? As Steve Martin used to say, well excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me! Hey Mike, look at the caption! Paramount/UA Home Video. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That's not funny, you ***! One word is supposed to have Paramount and the other MGM. Change it, or else! Tscha! I can't stand being "or elsed." What are you anyway, a comedian or something? Get it right! Now! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! "Polygram/UA Home Video!" That's rich! Ha ha ha ha ha! Yeah Mary, that's so funny! Ha ha ha ha ha! That does it! Caption guy, yoooooooooooou're fired! Fired? Fired? Screw you, Microsoft Sam! I'll see you in court! Take over, Mike. See if you can get it right, unlike that dime-a-dozen bum. Sorry, forgot to put the MGM/UA Home Video caption above the lion. I'll try again. Dang! Now I forgot the lion! I miss that dime-a-dozen bum already. Don't worry, Mike. All you need is a little more practice. Let's take a break. There, there, Sam. You're probably having one of those days. After the break, I'll see if we can get the old caption guy back before he sues us for wronngful termination. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-otch! Cut! Where's the Home Video? I see an MGM/UA, but no Home Video. All right, you ***! Where's the MGM/UA? He had to take a leak. I don't give a flying caption! Go back and get me the MGM/UA! All right, all right! Sheesh! And shush the sheesh! Blue's Clues? What is this, a kid show? Blue's Clues without clues? Eeewwww! Eeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww! [Mary barfing] Not Blue's Clues, you fool! MGM/UA Home Video! Change it! NOW!! Toy Story. We must be in the movie. Movie must be hiding out someplace. Not Toy Story! MGM/UA Home Video! MGM/UA Home Video MGM/UA Home Video MGM/UA Home Video MGM/UA Home Video MGM/UA Home Video! All right! Can I help it if you act childish? Castle Rock Entertainment? I feel like I'm in a Seinfeld TV show. I'm all for going to the steam room when this program is over. So am I, but Sam better keep his towels dry. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Shut up, you ***! And as for the lion guy, one more slip-up, and I'll have you transferred to the Pink Panther Show! Sam, Sam, Sam. What makes you act like such a grouch? That's none of your business, you ***! I am not an ***, you sonofabitch! I'm not a sonofabitch, you ***! [BUZZER] And stop razzing me! That's what I say! Lion guy, you're fired! Fired!? Fired!? I'll sue you for every cent you've got, Microsoft Sam! It will only be frivolous because I fired that dime-a-dozen bum with cause! There, there, Sam. Let me try the shield zoom. Can't be any worse than that dime-a-dozen bum. I'm not a dime-a-dozen bum! Liar! Uh-oh! I had the picture upside down. I'll try to fix it. Later, Mary. Let's take a break. You need a vacation, Sam. Your nerves have been bothering you lately. *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***! I agree with you, Mike. He's having a bad day. Oy vey! Cut, cut, cut! The MGM/UA Home Video Logo is supposed to be 1993, not 1982. Sorry, Boss. I just got a little excited. You again!? I thought I fired you last episode. You did, but I filed a lawsuit against you and won, so here I am again. I see your point. Now, you better toe the line, or else! Remind me to fire my lawyers. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Dunkin' Donuts in MGM/UA Home Video! I agree that it's funny, Mike. I guess we better pack our bags and move to Japan. We're not moving to Japan. Dunkin' Donuts does not own Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer. Get me the proper logo! Now! Sesame Workshop is into MGM now? I can just see Elmo and Grover meeting Tom and Jerry. What the hell is the Sesame Workshop logo doing in my MGM/UA Home Video Logo? Get out! Now! Now it's Random House Home Video that's trying to take over MGM/UA Home Video. This sucks! I hate Random House, you hear? I hate Random House! I hate Random House! I hate Random House! Jeez Louise! I goofed again! Have mercy! Go! Go go go go go go go! And this time, stay outta my life forever! Oh yeah? Well, try this on for size, you ***! Look, it's Walt Disney Masterpiece Collection. Those knuckleheads will make me laugh! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! What are you anyway, a Wisenheimer? I told you to get out of my life forever. I heard you fired your lawyers, so there's no way you can kick me out of here. I'll find a way to kick you out, all right. You just try. In the meantime, chew on this! Judas Priest! It's the Screen Gems S from Hell! I hate that infernal logo so much, I wanna barf all over it! What the hell? I'll do it now! [Sam barfing] Nice try, but you're still forever banned from working here under penalty of death. Okay, Sam. If you insist on barring me from my job, I'm using my secret weapon. Take that, you meany! Oh noes! It's that infernal Viacom V of Doom! Let me outta here! Eee-yiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi! Not so fast there, Microsoft Sam! I was sent here to torment you. And if you don't re-hire me, Sam, the V of Doom will torment you forever! This is all your doing, you dime-a-dozen bum! I'll never re-hire you and this infernal V of Doom will never get away with--- Eee-yiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You leave Microsoft Sam alone, you ***! Do not interfere with justice, you ***! That's enough, V of Doom! For tormenting Sam and insulting Mike, I'm letting you have it! Take that, you King Daddy of scary logos! [BOOM!!] Thanks, Mary. You saved my life. Speakonia Male 1, you're re-hired. I should have known better. Just don't threaten me with scary logos again. It's a deal, Sam. [NBC Chime] Oy vey! Now it's the NBC Snake. Next, they'll say "brought to you in Living Color." Brought to you in Living Color. Now cut that out! Judas Priest! Just back on the job, and already Sam's starting in on me again! Take it easy, Sam. He's been having a rough time lately, and so have you. I guess you're right, Mike. I think we could use nice relaxing vacation. Perhaps we can go to Japan. Just kidding! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Cut! All right, lion guy, who are you trying to impress? I wanted to get a little creative. The logo is supposed to display 1993, not 1998. You'll get kids to poop in their pants. Poop in their pants? P-U! Look, Mary, it's Embassy Television. Embassy Television? Great! Now we can watch some sitcoms uninterrupted, uncut and uncensored. I have one word for putting Embassy Television where Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer would normally be: uneducated. Take back the Embassy Television logo and get me the 1993 MGM/UA Home Video Logo! Now! CNN? That's nice. It used to be CNN before it became. The CNN meant Central News Network. Not CNN, MGM/UA Home Video. Take it back and bring up the right logo. Fox News. Something is wrong. Yeah. That's why I sent the Fox News Logo out here. Something always goes wrong whenever Microsoft Sam shows up. You cheap sonofabitch, this is not a *** flick. Get rid of the Fox News Logo and bring up the 1993 MGM/UA Home Video Logo, or you'll be SOL. All right! Jeez Louise, you are such a grouch today! And my name is Microsoft Sam, not Jeez Louise. Calm down, Sam. You know he's trying as best he can. He's very trying, you ***! You call me an *** one more time, Sam, and I'll wipe your *** with a porcupine. Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... No no no no no no no no damn damn damn damn crap crap crap crap! Microsoft Mike, why don't you accept the fact that you are an *** and you can't change what you are because it's a fact you *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***! [BOOM!!] Are you all right, Sam? I'm okay, Mary. I just got so pissed off at Mike for objecting to my calling him an ***. Be a little more careful who you call an ***, you sonofabitch! Taco Bell. Think outside the bun. Think outside the not bun. This is not a commercial. Arby's. I wonder if meat sandwich meets Tom and Jerry. I agree. What did I tell you about commercial plugs in an ident? Sorry, Sam, I was put the logo. Get that commercial plug outta here! Now!! And if you give me one more commercial plug, I'll give you a poison sandwich! A poison sandwich? Eeewwwwwww! Eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww! [Mary barfing] Spanning the globe to bring you all the highlights in the ASPCA. The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. You fool! This is not ASPCA, this is MGM/UA Home Video. Get me the proper logo, or I'll give you the agony of defeat! Give me a break, Sam! I've been running back and forth so much, I'm already suffering the agony of de feet. De feet hurt. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! "Ha ha ha ha" yourself. Very droll joke. Oh well. Since we mentioned food earlier, let's all take a lunch break. Cut! All right, what's the big idea? Tscha! This is supposed to be an MGM home video company, isn't it? True, but the logo is supposed to display "1993," not "1982." Go back and change it. All right, all right! Picky, picky, picky! Meijer/UA Home Video? How loud do you think they are? AS LOUD AS POSSIBLE!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!! Mary, you don't have to yell! Sheesh! And it's not Meijer, it's MGM! Change it now! Shush the sheesh, Sam! *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***! Menards/UA Home Video. They make strong movies, don't they? Not Menards... MGM. Laser Spine Institute/UA Home Video. One dose and you'll go Tom and Jerry. MGM! MGM! MGM! Sorry, wrong number. AT&T/UA Home Video? Are we on "Puss in Boots" all of a sudden? Do you pop out at parties? Are you unpoopular? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You ***! This is 1993, and "Puss in Boots" doesn't come on until 2011. Correct the caption now, or I'll make you watch Puss in Boots! Sam, Sam, Sam, why must you always turn a 1993 MGM/UA Home Video Logo into your own personal sweatshop? Quit making insubordinate comments, you ***! Tantrum coming on now. No no no no no no no no no no! Every time I try to calm Sam down, he acts like he's Genghis Khan! Well, I'm sick of this! Do you hear me? I'm sick of it! Sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch! [BOOM!] If I hear any more outbursts like that, it's over! No! No! No! LifeLock did not exist in 1993! Go back and get it right! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Crest does not own Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer nor does it own MGM! And that theme music doesn't come along until 1982! One more slip-up and it's the end! No no no no no no no no damn damn damn damn crap crap crap crap! How dare you pair rival studio logos together! This is the end! I'm not doing any more MGM/UA Home Video! You're all fired! Do you hear me? F-I-R-E-D! Fired! Out! Out-out-out-out-out! And don't even bother coming here expecting your jobs back, 'cause that's never gonna happen! Never never never never never! Judas Priest! What a temper! Anybody know of a good lawyer? We oughta sue Sam. If he thinks he'll get away with dumping us like this, he's got another thing coming. We'll get revenge on Sam one of these days. ASSWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPE!!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! What's so funny, Mike? The MGM DVD logo's acting like 1998! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! 1998's are fun. I wish I watched one when I was a kid. Enough with the 1998's. I'm getting dizzy. Stephen J. Cannell has invaded Tom and Jerry! Looks like we're in for an invasion of sitcoms. Sam would have a royal fit if he saw this logo in an MGM Home Video ident. Could you try to get the MGM/UA Home Video Logo back, please? Oops! Sorry, my bad. I'll see what I can do. Now it's Fuzzy Door Productions that's gone Tom and Jerry. I can hardly wait to see Tom and Jerry being pals with Cleveland. Say good night, Fuzzy Door. Good night, Fuzzy Door. Who asked you? You're not funny and you're not Fuzzy Door! Sheesh! And shush the sheesh! Gracie Films did not take over Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer. What are you trying to pull? I just wanted to see what would happen if Tom and Jerry met Bart Simpson. When Microsoft Sam gets back, he's gonna hear about this and he'll give you your just deserts, but good! Judas Priest! Sam was right about you, Mike! You really are a total ***! Don't you start! I am not an ***, you sonofabitch! If Sam were here, Mike, he'd make you a member of the Liars' Club! Grand Theft Auto in Tom and Jerry! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That's not funny! Change it! Halo. Must be rabbit season. Or maybe duck season. The hunter in the sky. Maybe he's looking for Ursa Major. Perhaps he'll find her near the North Star. Sears? Sears? This is a motion picture, not a kiddie book! Am-scray! Please, Mike, don't get all worked up over these bloopers like Sam does. That's none of your business, you ***! Microsoft Mike! I won't have you calling me a ***! Simmer down, Mary. At least he knows how I feel about these bloopers sometimes. Microsoft Sam! Back so soon? I never thought I'd say this, Sam, but thank God you've returned! So what brought you back here so soon? I took a detour and found myself in a bad place. I raced back here as fast as I could, but someone from that bad place is chasing me. And who's chasing you? So, Microsoft Sam! I've found you! Eek! It's the Devil! He's brought that Satan's Kingdom sign with him. Somebody do something! Protect me from this evil overseer of that infernal realm! Too late, Sam! You are condemned! Prepare for an eternity of pain! Oh no you don't, Satan! Take that! [BOOM!!] No no no no no no no no! Not that! Anything but that! Let me outta here! Eeee-yow-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w! Look at him run! He took one look at the God's Country sign and fled in terror! Sic semper evillis - thus always to evildoers. Well said, Sam. I must go now. Peace be with you. And also with you. It's great to have you back, Sam. We all missed you. And I missed you too. I have an idea: now that Sam's back, safe and sound, let's all go out for some pizza. Your RoflCopter is all set, Sam. All aboard! We're on our way to Pizza City! soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi All right! What are you, a comedian or something? What do you mean? The only thing that should come in is the 1993 MGM/UA Home Video Logo, not 1980. So sue me! Sheesh! Shush the sheesh! Shishkabob! I'm warning you! All right, all right! Judas Priest! You really know how to make a guy feel like an ***! Takes one to know one. 1982 MGM/UA Home Video. That's "Present." That's wrong! 1998 MGM Home Entertainment. I love this logo so much. That's wrong. Get it right! You ***! I am not an ***! Liar! You are too! The caption "Maurice Sendak's Little Bear" does not come in. Only the MGM/UA Home Video Logo does, capeesh? I get it. Cops. I hope Conan's doing his Year 3000 routine tonight. Not Cops, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer! The A-Team. This TV show is charged with the bomb. I agree. If you mess with it, it might explode on you. [BOOM!!] I didn't mean it literally! Welcome to the club. This is not Civil War! Get that M*A*S*H logo outta here! I kind of like M*A*S*H myself. Anna! What are you doing here? I heard you were having trouble with the 1993 MGM/UA Home Video logo, Sam, so I've come to help you out. Okay, Anna, I'll give you a chance. Anybody can do better than that dime-a-dozen bum. I'm not a dime-a-dozen bum! You are too! Oh crotch! The captions are there, but not the lion. Don't worry, Anna. You'll get the hang of it sooner or later. I guess you're right, Sam. We'll try again later. I'm all for going out to lunch. Would you like to go Dutch? I think we've been in dutch already. You are so funny, Sam! [Anna laughing] All right, you ***! What's the big idea? What do you mean? And why, in heaven's name, do you keep calling me an ***? Because I can and I said so. Get that All in the Family outta here and get me the MGM/UA Home Video Logo! Now!! Okay, you're the boss. And I am not an ***! You are too an *** and you know it! *** *** *** *** ***! Sheesh! And shush the sheesh! South Park? Oh crotch! We are all out of South Park. Don't worry, Mike. I'll buy some on the way home today. Where did the South Park come from? And it's not South Park, it's MGM/UA Home Video! Get it right or I'll spray the South Park in your eyes! MGM/UA Family Entertainment upside down 1995. MGM movies will never die. What are you, a comedian or something? You said it's supposed to be "MGM/UA Home Video." Yes, but not "MGM/UA Family Entertainment." All right then, I'll get a concrete one. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... No no no no no no no no damn damn damn damn crap crap crap crap! Why does he always do this to me? I'm sick and tired of all the *** you give me! You *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***! [BOOM!!] Sam? Are you all right? I'm sorry, Anna. I just get so sick and tired of all the *** Speakonia Male 1 gives me in these videos. It gets me so worked up and I'm always throwing tantrums. Don't worry, Sam. Just be calm like me. I'm as cool as the other side of the pillow. But not the pillow Sam drooled on last night. Sam drooled on the pillow? Gross! Eeewwwww! Eeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww! [Mary barfing] Sunbow Productions. Don't they distribute The Charmkins, Abby? They sure do, Beulah. Next they'll send in The Great Space Coaster. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Speaking of roller coasters, if you don't get me the proper logo--- Stop calling me a roller coaster! At least I didn't call him an *** that time. Watch your mouth, you sonofabitch! Look, it's Goodtimes Home Video. He's so cute. I agree, Mary. I used to watch some movies myself. Get that Goodtimes Home Video logo outta here or I'll sic on you! Take it easy, Sam. I was only joking. I don't even have a TV show. How much does a net globe cost? I don't care. I'll give this dime-a-dozen bum one more chance. I'm not a dime-a-dozen bum! GI Joe. I used to watch one when I was a kid. I agree. Now you've done it! Out! Out-out-out-out-out! And don't ever come back! And this time I mean it! Next time I see you I'll jam--- [BLEEP!] Sorry I had to do that, Sam, but I just had to calm you down. That's telling him, Anna. Should we go shopping. Good idea, Mary. I have Sam's credit card with me. Let's go! Hey, lion guy! Who, me? Yes, you! You got the logo upside down! Oh really? I thought this was Too Tall Productions. Not Too Tall Productions, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer. Get it right! VDB. As in Vin di Bona Productions. Those were the days. Breaker 19 for a radio check. Negatory, good buddy. I say Negatory to this lion. It's MGM/UA Home Video, not Vin di Bona Productions. MGM/UA Home Video! MGM/UA Home Video! MGM/UA Home Video! All right! Sheesh, you're such an ***, Microsoft Sam! I'm not an ***, you sonofabitch! And shush the sheesh! Dragon Tales. I always wanted to watch that kids show. You're making me thirsty. Oh, wow! I could've had a Dragon Tales! IHOP? IHOP? I don't want IHOP. I don't want it either, but if Sam got it on with me, I'd end up with IHOP anyway. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... No no no no no no no no damn damn damn damn crap crap crap crap! Microsoft Mary, you've got your nerve saying I give you IHOP! I don't have IHOP you *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***! [BOOM!!] Sam? Are you all right? I'm okay, Anna. I just get so pissed off by cheap jokes about my sex life. There, there, Sam. I used to feel that way, but then I got over it. If I can do it, so can you. Thanks. Now, let's see if the lion guy can get it right. Focus Features. How psychedelic. I love Focus Features. They're so real. Hey, lion guy! MGM/UA Home Video! You hear? MGM/UA Home Video! I wish you would call me by my proper name. I'm tired of being called "lion guy." If you don't display the proper logo, you'll be called an out-of-work lion guy. Up yours, ***! I AM NOT AN ***! Calm down, Sam. This too shall pass. Neil Zurcher's One Tank Trips. Neil Zurcher's One Tank Trips. What's new? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Hey, lion guy! I have a riddle for you. Knock knock. Who's there? Ama Gana. Ama Gana who? Ama Gana fire you if you don't display the proper logo! Hahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Sheesh! SHUSH THE SHEESH! Look, Mary. Someone whitewashed the Vanguard Animation. I love the movie Valiant, but I also love to write dirty ones. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! LION GUY!! Uh-oh! I'd better vamoose! Come back here, lion guy! I hate you so much I wanna take that *** logo and beat your stupid-*** brains out! It's just human nature for me to hate guys that try to make my life a living hell--- ---especially dime-a-dozen bums like you. I'm not a dime-a-dozen bum! LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR... Hey you! Who, me? Yes, you! What's the deal with Steven Bochco Productions being here when this is supposed to be an MGM movie? I thought this was going to be an instrument about violins. This is not a violin! This is Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer! Get me the MGM/UA Home Video Logo! Now! All right! Judas Priest, you're such an ***! And stop calling me an ***, you sonofabitch! Stu Segall Productions? Why, they produced the old "Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In." That show was comedy incarnate. I wish they'd bring it back. Was "Laugh-In" a funny show? You bet your sweet bippy it was! Sock it to me! If you don't bring up the MGM/UA Home Video Logo, I'll really sock it to you, but good! Transformers, as in long-playing record. At last, a long-playing logo. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Not "Transformers" - "MGM/UA Home Video." The Jetsons. I used to watch The Jetsons when I was a kid. So did I. LH Michael and LH Michelle! You two are not allowed in this video! Get out! Out! O-U-T! Out! Hold it right there, Speakonia Male 1! Come back here! You called, Boss? Yes. I told you to bring up the MGM/UA Home Video Logo. That's your job. Who's the *** that let in all these inappropriate logos? I don't have to ask. It's you, Speakonia Male 1. What do you have to say for yourself? It wasn't me that kicked down the door, it was those crazy people, LH Michael and LH Michelle, that did it. They shouldn't have broken in here in the first place and I'm putting you on notice. Get the MGM/UA Home Video Logo in here before closing time, or else! On notice? Me? Screw you, Sam, you ***! Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... No no no no no no no no! *** you, Speakonia Male 1! I'm sick and tired of your *** insubordination! If you keep screwing up the MGM/UA Home Video logo, you're fired! You hear me? Fired! You sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch! [BOOM!!] Sam? Are you all right? I'm all right, Anna. I just get so pissed off at all these inappropriate logos invading the MGM/UA Home Video turf. Oh well, this too shall pass. NBC. I guess we'll next be visited by ABC and CBS. One more commercial plug in an ID and I'll slap you. Sheesh! And shush the sheesh! DreamWorks Animation. I guess DreamWorks will now start showing Tom and Jerry. Alex the Lion and Shrek presents Tom and Jerry. Made possible with a grant from ACME Carrots. If I told you once, I've told you a gazillion times, it's "MGM/UA Home Video!" Thomas and Friends. It's official now: Thomas and Friends and Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer have merged. I can see it now: Tom Cat meets the characters of Thomas and Friends. No, no, no, no, no! Thomas and Friends did not merge with Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer! You have exactly one more chance to bring the MGM/UA Home Video Logo in here, capeesh? Sam, you're becoming a real control freak! One more insubordinate comment like that and you're a dead man! Illumination Entertainment. Time for a movie of Despicable Me. You two here again? I'm calling Security! And as for you, Speakonia Male 1, you know what this means? I don't get the company car you promised me? YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRED!!! Fired!? Fired!? I've got a wife, ten kids and three credit unions to support! If it takes every cent I have, Microsoft Sam, I'll sue your sorry *** so vengefully that one day you'll be working for me! Sure you will. When Hell freezes over! Don't despair, Sam. You still have the rest of us to back you all the way. I guess you're right, Anna. Let'*** the bar. It's happy hour. All the drinks are on me. Relativity Media. Can Brian Williams be far behind? Not really, Anna. I yearn for the days of the Huntley- Brinkley Report. Not a bad suggestion, RoboSoft 3. NBA. Easy as NFL. Simple as MLB. That's nice, but you forgot the basketball to go with the man. Whoops! Jerry Bruckheimer Films. It must be time for Pirates of the Caribbean. Come and listen to my story about a man named Captain Jack Sparrow. A poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed. No wonder they moved to Jerry Bruckheimer Films. That Captain Hector Barbossa's got his own cement pond. That Captain Hector Barbossa is a character. Any news on Sam yet? Sam won't give in. He still won't re-hire Speakonia Male 1. He's as stubborn as a Missouri mule. Look, Michelle, it's Barney and Friends. Barney and Friends is free. What state is this from? New York. It's the baby show answer to Lyrick Studios. Now what is this? The Wiggles. The Wiggles? I love The Wiggles. Take it back. Now. What's the matter, Anna? Don't you like The Wiggles any more? I love The Wiggles. They make my face break out. Now I know what Anna watched last night. How's it going, wiggle-face? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! [BOOM!!] Holy Schneikees! You made my face break out! Sorry about that, Mary. I just don't like being called "wiggle-face." Be careful next time. What you just did to me made me sick. Eeeeewwwww! Eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww! [Mary barfing] Game Cube? What's a game cube? Don't you know, Mike? You roll seven-come-eleven with them. Dice. The original game cubes. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Andrew Lloyd Webber. If you can cross over, we can watch The Phantom of the Opera. Speakonia Male 1! You're back! We missed you. Back already, Speakonia Male 1? Where's Microsoft Sam? I can explain everything. You better explain it fast. I heard that Sam's looking for you. He's got the police looking for you too. Sam and the cops are after Speakonia Male 1? I thought you were holding him hostage. I was, but Sam grabbed the gun out of my hand and started shooting at me. I hot-footed it out of there, but Sam warned me never to come here or I'd be sorry. [Siren] Uh-oh! The fuzz! If Sam sees us here, we're dead! Hide us! Quick! Aha! I thought I'd find you here! Microsoft Sam! Give me another chance! And please stop hating LH Michael and LH Michelle! Hah! That gay boy and his lesbian sister? I'm not a gay boy! And I'm not a lesbian. I'm not even from ***. Liars! Arrest them, Officer! On what charges? Criminal trespass, gross insubordination and mutiny. And make it a capital offense. Microsoft Sam! Are you out of your mind? Sorry, Anna, but justice has to be done. Officer, if you'll just hear me out for a second, I can explain everything. Go ahead. On my way in here, I stopped at the courthouse and filed a wrongful termination lawsuit against Sam. I also accused him of gross homophobia and being a control freak. This from you, a mutineer! Be quiet, Sam! Hear him out. Thanks. And not only that, I've secured a court injunction allowing LH Michael and LH Michelle to stay in these videos. Sam is never to hate them any more or call them homophobic names. All right. I won't arrest you, LH Michael or LH Michelle. And if Sam issues an apology, I won't press charges against him. Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... No no no no no no no no damn damn damn damn crap crap crap crap! Foiled by a broken justice system! When will they ever learn who's in charge of things here? This is a travesty, you hear me? Travesty travesty travesty travesty travesty travesty travesty travesty! [BOOM!!] Are you through, Sam? Yes, Officer. I'm sorry for the tantrum and all the trouble I've caused. Speakonia Male 1, you're re-hired. And as for LH Michael and LH Michelle, I promise never to hate you again. Can we continue with the MGM/UA Home Video logo, please? Go ahead. Fresh Thyme Farmers Market? In an ident? what next, Tom and Jerry goes to a grocery store? Food Lion? Which Food Lion do they hail from? Virginia? Kentucky? North Carolina? Massachusetts? Nerdocrumbesia? Food Lion in Nerdocrumbesia? Just kidding, Sam! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***! Same old Sam. Always calls me a *** every time I get the best of him. Don't worry, Mary. This too shall pass. And how about getting the logo right for a change? Roger. The name's Microsoft Sam, not Roger. Sorry. Well, it's an improvement. All we need to do is replace the 1980 with a 1993 and we'll be on Easy Street. Not to worry, I'll try again. Not just yet. It's been a trying day and I need to get a little rest. Let's take the rest of the week off. Works for me. Me too. It sure feels good to see you back, Sam. I missed you. I missed you too, Anna. I love you. And I love you too, Sam. [Anna] Sam? Where are you? [Mike] He said he'd be a little late coming in. [Mary] He's probably lecturing the Lion Guy. [Anna] Well, we might as well get started. [Anna] Nice to drop in, Sam. What are you doing atop the 1993 MGM/UA Home Video logo? [Mary] Great entrance, Sam. Are you auditioning to be Tom Cat's stuntman? No, I'm not auditioning to be Tom Cat's stuntman. I was telling the Lion Guy to get the proper logo in here and I wound up on top of it. [Anna] Sam, you look good riding the lion. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! [Lion Guy] I told you not to sit on the lion, Sam. [Sam] Now you tell me. ***! [Mary] Now where'd Mike go? [Sam] Mike, you ***! Get off the lion! You're not Tom Cat. Don't call me an ***, you sonofabitch! This lion is so pointy, it hurts to sit on it. Ouch! [Anna] I think Mike looks good atop the lion, but where's Mary? [Sam] She probably went to get a drink of water. Hey, this is fun! I could feel the breeze in my hair when I in. [Sam] Lion Guy! [Lion Guy] What's up, Sam? [Sam] Don't "What's up, Sam" me, you ***! Tell Mary to get off the lion... right now! Don't listen to Sam, Lion Guy. I love these lion rides. [Mike] I'm hip to you, Mary. [Sam] Microsoft Mike, stop encouraging people to do these crazy stunts! You are a certified first-class ***! An ***. you hear? AN ***!!! [Mike] Microsoft Sam listen to me good: I AM NOT AN ***! I NEVER WAS AN ***! I'LL NEVER BE AN *** AND I WANT YOU TO STOP CALLING ME AN ***! YOU HEAR ME? STOP CALLING ME AN *** YOU SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH!! [BOOM!!] [Speakonia Male 2] Holy Schneikees! Mike throws a tantrum in a 1993 MGM/UA Home Video Logo Bloopers video? [Speakonia Male 3] Usually Sam throws tantrums in these videos. [Sam] Gad! What a temper! Anna? Where's Anna? Have you seen Anna? Here I am, Sam! Mary's right. This is fun! [Sam] Anna? You're riding the lion? Yeah, but I think Mike's right when he said it needs a little smoothing out. [Sam] I'm hip to that. Hey Lion Guy, have you been charging admission to let people ride the lion? [Lion Guy] Nope. I let them ride for free. After all, you started it, Sam! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! [Sam] Sheesh! [Abby] Hey Beulah, this is fun! I can see clear over to Albuquerque from here. [Beulah] I agree, Abby. We should remember to take that left turn there. [Sam] Two people riding the lion at the same time? [Mike] At least that'll make riding it smoother. Hey Michelle, this has Coney Island beat by a country mile. I agree, Michael. They should name this place the Chuck Jones Memorial Park. [Sam] LION GUY!! [Lion Guy] You bellowed, Sam? [Sam] Yes, I bellowed, Lion Guy. Did you let this gay boy and his lesbian sister in here again? Come on, Sam, give us a break. Stop hating us. We have as much a right to ride the lion as the rest of you. [Sam] I don't care! You're still not allowed in here! Out! Out-out-out-out-out! [Lion Guy] Microsoft Sam! You can't keep chasing LH Michael and LH Michelle as if they were prairie dogs! You'll turn into a hate criminal if you keep this up! Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... No no no no no no no no damn damn damn damn crap crap crap crap! Why do you keep *** up my life, Lion Guy? LH Michael and LH Michelle are unauthorized personnel! I am not a hate criminal! You hear me? I am not a hate criminal you *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***! [BOOM!!] [Anna] Sam? Are you all right? [Sam] I'm all right, Anna. I just get so pissed off at the Lion Guy for letting LH Michael and LH Michelle in here. He doesn't realize how much I hate their guts. [Anna] Don't be too rough on them, Sam. Just because they're different doesn't mean they're undesirable. As a personal favor, please give them a chance. Do this for me, okay? [Sam] Okay, Anna. I'll try, but it won't be easy. [Speakonia Male 2] Safe Auto. [Mary] I love Safe Auto. He's so good. [Speakonia Male 3] What's up, car insurance? [Sam] If they try to sell me insurance again, it's car soup. Hahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! [LH Michael] Peanuts. [LH Michelle] I love Linus, Lucy, Snoopy, Woodstock and Charlie Brown. [Sam] Ix-nay on the ugs-Peanuts! [Lion Guy] Oy vey. Oops! I goofed again! I know I should be punished. Let me take off my trousers. [Speakonia Male 2] Don't bother. I think they've reached the limits on what *** probing can teach them. [Sam] Well, you're in the ballpark. This gives me an idea. Hand me the tools. Oh Sam! You are so gifted with tools. I'm glad you like it, Anna. I call it "The 1993 MGM/UA Home Video Logo-Mobile." I especially love these new seats. It's much more comfortable than sitting on the lion itself. It's almost lunch time. Wanna go Dutch? I'm one step ahead of you, Anna. All right. Hang on, here we go! [Beulah] Holy Schneikees! That's a real fast machine Sam's got! I wish I could ride one of those. [Abby] So do I, but Sam's only built one. [Mary] Well, at least we know where they usually have lunch. [Mike] We can join them at the commissary. [Lion Guy] May I tag along? [Mike] Only if you ride your own lion! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! [Lion Guy] Oh crotch. Quiet on the set. This is a take. Cue lion. I said cue lion, not Farm Fresh. [Lion Guy] Well, it does start with an "F". Looks like it's going to be one of those days. With Sam, every day is one of those days. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Shut up, you ***! [Mike] I am not an ***, you sonofabitch! [Sam] Liar! You are too! He's not an ***, Sam. Don't encourage him, you ***! And get me the proper logo! [Lion Guy] Roger Wilco. Medieval Times Dinner and Tournament. I used to know her in college. She must be Britney's sister. I'll spear your Medieval Times if you don't get me the proper logo! [Lion Guy] Don't get violent, Sam! [Speakonia Male 2] NASA? What in the world is NASA? [Speakonia Male 3] That's pronounced "National Aeronautics and Space Administration." It's that space company that made planets famous. Benny Hill? Good show, lads. [Moon Guy] Oops! Yet another logo blooper. Ah yes. Bad show, lads. Hi, Sam. Are you having trouble with the 1993 MGM/UA Home Video logo again? Same old song and dance. Don't worry, Sam. Let's see what comes up next. Neil Armstrong. That's near Neil Armstrong, isn't it? The astronaut must smell like Teen Spirit. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That's not the smell of Teen Spirit. Astronauts used for visiting the Moon, and that astronaut must have just relieved itself before coming here. You mean he just pooped? Sickening. Gross. Eeeeewwwwwwww! Eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww! [Barfing] [Jingle singers] Ajax Laundry Detergent is stronger than dirt! Ajax, stronger than dirt. I thought the ghost of Jim Morrison of the Doors just came in. We can use that to clean up the bucket after someone gets sick in this studio. What did we tell you? No commercial plugs in an ident! Now let's get on the stick! Abraham Lincoln. It must be time for "Gettysburg Address." Danger is his business! LH Michael and LH Michelle! What are you doing here? Take it easy on us, Sam. The cops warned you not to hate us again, remember? Sam, why must you insist on hating LH Michael and LH Michelle? For Pete's sake, be nice to them, okay? Get a hold of yourself, Sam. You've got to exhibit tolerance. Keep cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum in five, four, three, two, one... No no no no no no no no damn damn damn damn crap crap crap crap! What in the blessed name of J.L. MGM is this world coming to when I have to tolerate people I feel like hating? It sucks, you hear me? It sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks! [BOOM!!] Calm down, Sam. They're just people like us. I'm sorry for acting that way, Anna. I guess I'm trapped in my old ways. [Anna] That's all right, Sam. You'll get over it soon. Shall we continue with the 1993 MGM/UA Home Video logo now? Great idea. Hey, Lion Guy! [Lion Guy] I know. I'll bring up the proper logo. [Lion Guy] How's this, Sam? [Sam] Well, it's an improvement, but we're using the 1993 version and this logo is from 2012. [Lion Guy] Give me a break, Sam. It's been a trying day. [Sam] I know the feeling. Let's all take the rest of the day off. [Anna] I'm for taking the rest of the day off too, Sam. You need some rest. I'll be right beside you. [Sam] Thanks, Anna. [Mike] Looks like they're an item. [Mary] I knew they'd get along. Places, everyone! This is a take! Roll camera! Cue the lion! All right, Lion Guy! What are you, a comedian or something? [Lion Guy] You wanted the logo, you got the logo. Yeah, but you got the logo wrong. It should be "MGM/UA Home Video," not "TJ Maxx." TJ Maxx. TJ what? TJ Maxx. I thought it meant "TJ Maxx Stores." Shut up, you ***! The Wubbulous World of Dr. Seuss? That's what I say! The Wubbulous World of Dr. Seuss is going on here? [Lion Guy] Oops! Methinks I goofed again. Youthinks right, Lion Guy. Get it right or I'll f--- you where the sun doesn't shine! [Lion Guy] Don't get dirty, Sam! Motion Picture Corporation of America. I just love Dumb and Dumber. Not Motion Picture Corp. of America, you ***! MGM/UA Home Video! MGM/UA Home Video! MGM/UA Home Video! [Moon Guy] Quit calling me an ***, you sonofabitch! [Speakonia Male 2] Bear in the Big Blue House. [Speakonia Male 3] When I was little, my family watched Bear in the Big Blue House. Oh really? My family used to watch some Jim Henson TV shows a lot. Listen up, Lion Guy! You're supposed to bring up the 1993 MGM/UA Home Video logo and ONLY the 1993 MGM/UA Home Video logo! You hear me? [Moon Guy] And you listen to me, Sam! YouTube user BJ29035 demands that we include Looney Tunes Characters in a 1993 MGM/UA Home Video Logo Bloopers video! And Thunderbirds101 says there would be copyright issues if we did that! Now get on the stick! Hanna-Barbera. Programming research will never die. LION GUY!!! [Lion Guy] You bellowed, Sam? Yes, I bellowed! Now pay attention! MGM/UA Home Video! MGM/UA Home Video! MGM/UA as in Wisenheimer, Home Video as in Blockhead! MGM/UA Home Video! Now!! LION GUY, YO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-OU'RE FIRED!!! [Lion Guy] Fired!? Fired!? Screw you, Microsoft Sam! I'm telling BJ29035 on you! Calm down, Sam. Thunderbirds101 is right. If we used the Looney Tunes Characters in one of these videos, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer would hit him with a copyright strike. Gee, Anna, that makes me feel a lot better. Eek! It's the Devil and the She-Devil! You're right, Beulah. Grab hold of the nearest cross. [Devil] Chill out, babes. It's not you that we've come for. [She-Devil] We've come for Microsoft Sam. You infernal beasties! You dare invade a 1993 MGM/UA Home Video Logo Bloopers video? We were having a lot of fun ourselves until you two evildoers showed up. We've got a good mind to call on God to drive you away. [Devil] We have a message to deliver to all of you. [She-Devil] Since Thunderbirds101 refuses to include Looney Tunes Characters in these videos, we claim Microsoft Sam's soul. Get thee behind me, Devil and She-Devil! Thunderbirds101 won't do it because he might get a copyright strike against him, [Devil] BJ29035 says that's all ***. [She-Devil] If Thunderbirds101 still refuses to include Looney Tunes Characters, we will *** all over you. That's far enough, Devil and She-Devil! Get out of here right now, or I invoke the wrath of God! [Devil] Scandalous! Shall we let them have it? [She-Devil] Let's do it. Bombs away! [PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP] Gugh! Not again! Eeeeewwwww! Eeeeeeewwwwwww! [Barfing] You filthy animals! Eeeewwwwwww! Eeeeeewwwwwwww! [Barfing] You'll pay for this, Devil and She-Devil! Eeeeeeewwwwwwww! Eeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww! [Barfing] Jiminy Christmas! All over my best dress! Eeewwww! Eeeeewwwwwww! [Barfing] [Devil] Look at them, covered in ***! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! [She-Devil] They're so sick they can hardly move! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You've gone too far, cesspool swimmers! Take that! [BOOM!!] [Voice of God] All right, Devil and She-Devil! Now you get yours! [Devil] Not the cleaning again! [She-Devil] We can't stand having our *** cleaned! [Voice of God] Take that, dirty creatures! [Devil] Eee-yow-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w! [She-Devil] Eee-yow-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w! Thanks again, Angel. We're cleaned up and feeling better. And we're glad those infernal goons are getting their come-uppance. A-men! You're welcome. [Lion Guy] Oh no! Not again! I know I should be punished. Don't worry. When that Devil and She-Devil let loose on me, I regretted letting you go. You're re-hired, Lion Guy. [Lion Guy] Thanks. [Anna] This is Microsoft Anna with a follow-up report on the mix-up that just took place. The Devil and She-Devil have gotten their come-uppance. And Thunderbirds101 need not worry about BJ29035 abusing him for not using Looney Tunes Characters. Thunderbirds' right about the copyright issues, BJ is wrong, and let's let it go at that. Keep watching this channel for future 1993 MGM/UA Home Video Logo Bloopers videos. Hey, Lion Guy! [Lion Guy] You called, Sam? What's the big idea with the DreamWorks Animation Land logo? You're in Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, not DreamWorks. Change it now! [Lion Guy] Surely you can't be serious. [Sam] I am serious, and don't call me Shirley. Madagascar. Tonight's characters: Alex the Lion and Marty the Zebra. Or, Melman the Giraffe and Gloria the Hippo. MGM/UA Home Video, not Madagascar. Get me? [Lion Guy] Sorry about that, Chief. Shrek. Good morning, Shrek and Donkey. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to hunt down Fiona and Puss in Boots. What's with the DreamWorks Animation movie titles? You're supposed to have the MGM/UA Home Video logo in, you dig? [Lion Guy] This logo will self-destruct in five seconds. [Ticking] [BOOM!!] [Sam] *** *** *** *** ***! [Speakonia Male 2] It's Kung Fu Panda. [Speakonia Male 3] Tonight, starring Po and Shifu. I've always admired the Furious Five. Po and Shifu are my favorite. And if you don't bring up the MGM/UA Home Video logo, it will be the Case of the Missing Lion Guy. [Lion Guy] Sheesh! [Sam] And shush the sheesh! How to Train Your Dragon. Starring Hiccup, Toothless and Astrid. I agree. You two again!? Get out! Out! Oh, come on, Sam! Give us a break! We're not undesirables just because we're different. God did not put me on this Earth to tolerate gay boys like LH Michael and lesbians like LH Michelle! Get out, before I THROW you out! Microsoft Sam! I won't stand for any more of your bigotry! Accept them and be done with it, capeesh? I don't need a lecture from you, Fatso! I said stop hating LH Michael and LH Michelle! And don't ever call me "Fatso!" [CRASH!] Ouch! My ribcage! My spine! Owww! Jurassic Park. Now Ian Malcolm can co-star with Tom Cat. And Ellie Sattler can hobnob with Jerry Mouse. I Wish I was in Amblin Entertainment, away, away. In Jurassic Park I'll take my stand to share the magic. Hey, Lion Guy... IT'S NOT JURASSIC PARK, YOU ***, IT'S METRO-GOLDWYN-MAYER! [Lion Guy] Okay, Sam. If you're gonna be a sonofabitch, I'm gonna give it to you good! Holy Schneikees! Do you see what I see? It's the Viacom V of Doom, the Screen Gems S from Hell, and the B-Backwards-N-D Mask of Guo Jiang! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Sam? Sam? Are you all right? Speak to me, Sam! Oh my gosh! Sam's having a heart attack! Call 9-1-1! Oh...where am I? This doesn't look like the studio. What is this place? [VID (B-Backwards N-D) MUSIC] Holy Schneikees! Am I really in Satan's Kingdom? Yes, Microsoft Sam. And this time, you really DIED! And now that you're dead, you belong to us... ...forever! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! God, save me! You heard him, Satan! Let Sam go! And who's gonna make me? [Voice of God] I will, you infernal hound dogs! Bring Sam back to life! NOW!! Go away, interferer! Sam is MINE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! [Mary] He's coming to, Anna. Oh...where am I? Relax, Sam. You're in a hospital bed. The doctor said you had a mild heart attack. You're going to be okay. That's a relief. I had a vision in which I met the Devil and the She-Devil in Satan's Kingdom. I called for God and the Angel to save me, but the Devil stabbed me in the gut with his pitchfork! Ouch! There, there, Sam. You probably had a bad dream. And how are things at the studio? Just fine. They're still trying to get the MGM/UA Home Video logo correct. That's not the MGM/UA Home Video logo. It's the Television from the Paramount Blue Mountain logo. That's right. That Blue Mountain keeps abusing me, and he keeps lying about it. If the Television came here, I wonder where the MGM/UA Home Video logo could be. [1993 MGM/UA Home Video Logo] Would you like me to buy you a drink, Blue Mountain? [Blue Mountain] Let'*** the bars. The night is ours. Quiet on the set! Roll camera! Cue lion! [Sam] Hahahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! [Lion Guy] What's so damn funny, Sam? You got not one logo up there, but two! [Lion Guy] I've been experimenting with DNA. Do your cloning on your own time. Now get it right! Three logos. Next they'll show the Three Stooges. Soitenly! Nyuk-nyuk! Now that's three logos to the wind. It's supposed to be one logo, not three. [Lion Guy] My assistant researcher is very fertile. One, two, three, four. Four MGM/UA Home Video logos. Have you got any more? [Speakonia Male 2] Looks like a four-leaf clover. [Speakonia Male 3] I'm looking over a four-leaf clover that I overlooked before. You ***, Lion Guy! There is supposed to be only one logo in! Do you hear me? One! [Lion Guy] You're no fun any more, Microsoft Sam! Red lion, no captions. I prefer a blue shield, thank you. And just what are you two doing here? Sam, you have no reason to hate us. Just because we're different doesn't give you the right to call us undesirable. I am going to say this once, and only once. WHAT PART OF "EVIL PERVERTS" DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? Microsoft Sam! What part of "hate criminal" don't you understand? If you don't stop hating LH Michael and LH Michelle, your *** is grass! Do you hear me? Shut up, Fatso! And stop calling me "Fatso!" [CRASH!] Security!! Calm down, Sam. If only you were a little more tolerant of LH Michael and LH Michelle, this wouldn't have happened to you. I'm sorry, Abby, but you just have to face the truth at some point. And how about some captions for the logo? [Lion Guy] Sure thing, Baldy. [Sam] And don't call me "Baldy!" LION GUY!! [Lion Guy] You bellowed, Sam? Yes, I bellowed, Lion Guy! Where's the lion? [Lion Guy] You said you wanted some captions, so I gave you some captions. I want to see some captions with the lion, you hear? The captions with the Lion! [Lion Guy] All right, all right! Sheesh, you're such an ***! [Voices singing] SEGA. Not SEGA! MGM/UA Home Video, you hear? MGM/UA Home Video! Calm down, Sam. You know he's trying. Yes, Anna. He's trying, all right--- very trying. They're playing my song! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Hey Lion Guy, could you display the words "Looney Tunes" as well? [Lion Guy] Sure, Mike. I've got a zillion of them. Don't encourage him, Mike. I'm in charge here. [Sam] And give me the proper logo this time, or your *** is grass! LION GUY!! [Lion Guy] Uh-oh! I'd better vamoose! Come back here, you coward! [Sam] Gotcha, Lion Guy! Now you're getting the punishment you deserve! [Lion Guy] What're you gonna do to me, you sonofabitch? This! [RIP!!] Ouch! You mutilator! You should have thought of that before you started messing up the logo. Calm down, Sam! You know Thunderbirds101 disapproves of your abusing the Lion Guy, not to mention your loathing of LH Michael and LH Michelle. Let them be, and be done with it. She's right, Sam. Don't let it upset you. Remain calm. Uh-oh! Tantrum in five, four, three, two, one... No no no no no no no no damn damn damn damn crap crap crap crap!! It's my MGM/UA Home Video logo and I can do what I damn well please! I don't need anyone like that *** Lion Guy or those perverts LH Michael and LH Michelle whom I demand that the Devil torment forever! This sucks, you hear me? Sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks!! [BOOM!!] Sam? Are you all right? I guess so, Anna. I'm sorry I acted that way. I guess I'm too set in my ways. [Anna] There, there, Sam. Everything will be okay. Shall we continue with the MGM/UA Home Video logo now? [Sam] Good idea. Hey Lion Guy! [Lion Guy] I'm one step ahead of you. Jeez, now I know what a eunuch feels like. If this is Blue Sky Studios, I wonder if there's Ice Age as well. Ice Age, oh my god! [Lion Guy] Oops, wrong logo again. I do hate shabby work. [Sam] And so do I. Hey! What's going on? We're shutting down, Sam. They cut the budget in half because the tantrums you and your friends threw caused a 400-percent spike in energy bills. And it's just after curfew. You coming, Mary? I'm right behind you, Mike. [Anna] Are you ready, Sam? [Sam] I'm as ready as I'll ever be, Anna. [Anna] Okay. Here we go! Hey, Lion Guy! [Lion Guy] You called, Sam? What's with the Quake logo? This is supposed to be MGM/UA Home Video. Bring me the lion! [Lion Guy] Sorry. AFV? What in the heck is AFV? It's America's Funniest Home Videos, Mike. America's Funniest Home Videos is a funny TV show. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! This is not America's Funniest Home Videos. This is Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer. Get it right! [Lion Guy] Sam, you're really acting finicky today. [Sam] Shut up, you ***! [Lion Guy] Don't you call me an ***, you sonofabitch! Scholastic? Didn't they produce I Spy? I Spy, great book. I Spy is admired favorables. Neither did I. Get me the logo, and be quiet! They call him Cinar. Cinar, faster than lightning. No one you see is smarter than he. You two again? You don't seem to face facts, do you? Sam, Sam, Sam. Stop being such a hater! We have as much a right to be in these videos as the rest of you. I have no desire to be friends with people whom I know for a fact are evil. Get out! It's no good to vent out wanton hate against a person just because he or she is different. We are not evil. Accept us and be done with it. What's the worst that can happen to you? What's the worst that can happen to me? GOD WOULD HATE ME FOR ACCEPTING YOU!! Microsoft Sam! Stop hating LH Michael and LH Michelle at once! You know that God is very forgiving. I don't dabble in heresy, Fatso! Stop calling me "Fatso!" All right! Sheesh! You don't have to throw me around the studio like a beanbag! I'm not throwing you around like a beanbag this time. Then what are you gonna do to me? [Beulah] This! [RIP!!!] {Sam] Eee-yow-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w! Why did you just give me a wedgie? It's your just punishment for hating LH Michael and LH Michelle. And if you do that once more, I'll throw you into Satan's Kingdom! Do you hear me? Stop hating them! Beulah, you frighten me more than the V of Doom, the S from Hell, and the B-Backwards N-D Mask of Guo Jiang rolled into one. And as for you, Lion Guy... [Lion Guy] You don't have to remind me. Jeez, what a bigot! [Speakonia Male 2] Biostar? [Speakonia Male 3] Biostar, come home! Lion Guy, you must be Biostar to keep messing up the logos like this. Now get it right or I'll put you on a leash! [Lion Guy] On a leash? Sheesh! [Sam] And shush the sheesh! American Megatrends. I love it. American Megatrends is a computer BIOS company. Enough with the animal shows. No more dolphins, and no more computer BIOS companies. I want the MGM/UA Home Video logo and ONLY, ONLY the MGM/UA Home Video logo, you dig? Take it easy, Sam. Anna and I happen to be computer BIOS company lovers. I love all computer BIOS companies. I got thrown from one once. I didn't know Mary was that strong! Hahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Stay calm, Mary. Relax. Keep your cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum coming on. Eee-yow-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w! Microsoft sam, how dare you call me a computer BIOS company! You should be tied to a post yourself you *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***! [BOOM!!] Jeez Louise! Now Mary's thrown a tantrum in a 1993 MGM/UA Home Video Logo Bloopers video! Are you all right, Mary? I'm okay, Abby. I hope Sam apologizes for calling me a computer BIOS company. All right, Mary, I'm sorry for calling you a computer BIOS company. And Beulah, I promise to never, ever call you "Fatso" again... ...especially since I need to lose weight myself. Well, Sam, it takes one to know one! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Discount Drug Mart. That's where I used to hang out. LION GUY!!! You bellowed, Sam? Yes, I bellowed, Lion Guy! I want the MGM/UA Home Video logo from 1993, you hear me? MGM/UA Home Video! NOW!! Shopko. Shopko on the wall. All right! Enough is enough! Out you two pixies go, through the door or out the Windows! Not again, Sam! And that goes for you too, Beulah! [Sam] Out! Out! All of you! OUT!!! [ZOOM] [CRASH!] [ZOOM] [CRASH!] [ZOOM] [CRASH!] Microsoft Sam! Are you out of your mind? [Sam] And as for you, Lion Guy... [ZOOM] [CRASH!] [Sam] You're fired! And I'm calling the cops! Now this time, let's get it right. And remind me to get a lawyer who'll help me win a case for once. "MGM Kids?" "MGM Kids?" That's wrong. It should read "MGM/UA Home Video," not "MGM Kids." [Lion Guy] Oops! [Lion Guy] How's this, boss? Almost there, Lion Guy. All we need to do is replace Television with Home Video and we're on Easy Street. Well said, Sam. And I'm gald you've come to your senses about us. Are you convinced now that it's no good to hate us just because we're different from you? LH Michael, LH Michelle and Beulah, you know it and I know it, but what would God think of me now? I'm sure He'd forgive you. And I forgive you too, Sam. I was that way once, but things are different now. They sure are. [Moon Guy] I'll get the shield corrected. [Sam] Well, not just yet, Moon Guy. I've been through a lot of hell today and I can use a little rest. Let's take the rest of the day off. [Mike] I agree with you, Sam. Are you coming, Mary? [Mary] I'm coming, Mike. [Anna] And I'm glad to see you've wised up about LH Michael and LH Michelle, Sam. [Sam] I agree, Anna. I've certainly learned my lesson. Let's head for the bar. The drinks are on me. All right, let's get this show on the road. Roll camera. Cue lion. Lion Guy! You called me Sam? I didn't call you Sam. I'm Sam, you're the Lion Guy. I addressed you with my question, Sam. Just joking. Do you know what you just logo into the frame? [Lion Guy] You mean this? Yes, that. It's supposed to be the MGM/UA Home Video logo, not "That's all Folks!" from Looney Tunes. If you want it done right, YOU do it! I'm quitting! Lion Guy, you come back here! Leave him alone, Sam. LH Michelle and I can handle the shield zooms. All right, LH Michael. Anyone can be better than that dime-a-dozen bum. He's not a dime-a-dozen bum, Sam. Festival Foods? Who's a Festival Foods? A grocery store? Yes. I agree. I'll bet that's what the Lion Guy thinks of Sam. And after Sam fired him, that Lion Guy still thinks Sam's a Festival Foods. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! It's not that funny, you two. Besides, I didn't fire him. He quit. Sky Zone? Do they mean "Sky Zone Trampoline Park?" That's the name of one of those trampoline parks from years ago. Trampoline parks? Sounds like a classical music drama set in the shower. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Trampoline Parks are for ***-Wipes. That's what Microsoft Mike is, was and always will be, no matter how many times he denies it. He can't run away from what he is. Hahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Take it easy, Mike. He's only kidding. Stay cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum coming on now. No no no no no no no no dammit dammit dammit dammit! Microsoft Sam, how many times do I have to tell you? I am not a *** ***! I never was one, nor will I ever be one and I want you to cease and desist calling me a liar every time I deny being an ***! You hear me? Sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch! [BOOM!!] Are you all right, Mike? I'm okay, Mary. Jeez Louise, Mike! Why must you get so upset over something as trivial as name-calling? See, Mike? Sam admitted it was trivial. Good. Let's get the logo right. [Speakonia Male 2] Great Wolf Resorts. I'd like to open an account here. Where do I see the teller? [Speakonia Male 3] There's no teller here. This is First National Pictures, not Great Wolf Resorts. Anybody know where the Lion Guy is? I haven't the foggiest idea, Sam. If I know the Moon Guy, he probably got a job at Great Wolf Resorts. I wouldn't be surprised if he pulled a bank job. Hahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Kalahari Resorts? I never heard of them. Don't worry, Mary. You know the old saying: "And the last shall be first." Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Alvy Adair, FBI. Do you have a man reported missing who answers to the name "Lion Guy?" Yes. The Lion Guy says he quit, but I turned down his resignation. Therefore, he's playing hooky from work. We have no criminal record on him, so we referred your case to the CIA. The CIA? Cedric Shmendrick, CIA. We have found the missing man known as the Lion Guy and have returned him to you. Do you wish to press charges? He's my employee. I'll handle him. All right, he's yours. Sam, why didn't you accept my resignation? Because, Lion Guy, you didn't submit it to me in writing. That's why I had the FBI and the CIA coming after you. And also because you're a dime-a-dozen bum. I'm not a dime-a-dozen bum! You are too a dime-a-dozen bum! [Lion Guy] I am not! [Sam] You are too! [Lion Guy] I am NOT!! [Sam] You are TOO!! [Lion Guy] I AM NOT!!! [Sam] YOU ARE TOO!!! Will you two please stop fighting!! Shut up, ***! [Mike] I am not an *** and don't ever call me a liar for denying ever being one! You tell him, Microsoft Mike! Don't be a mutineer, Lion Guy! [Lion Guy] Mutineer, huh? Well, try this on for size, you slave- driving control freak! FU? What's FU? They should have put a MANCHU on the shield as well. Then it would be "FU MANCHU!" Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! LION GUY!!! YOU NOODGE! WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO SAY FOR YOURSELF? [Lion Guy] Only what's on the logo: F-U! YOU DON'T SAY "F-U" TO YOUR BOSS! THAT'S INSUBORDINATION! GET ME THE MGM/UA HOME VIDEO LOGO NOW, OR I'LL SEND YOU TO SATAN'S KINGDOM! YOU HEAR ME? MGM/UA HOME VIDEO! NOT F-U, SKY ZONE OR FESTIVAL FOODS!! MGM/UA HOME VIDEO!! NOW!!! [Lion Guy] All right, Microsoft Sam! You want the 1993 MGM/UA Home Video logo, you got the 1993 MGM/UA Home Video logo! Here it is! [CRASH!!] Sam? Sam? Are you all right? Speak to me, Sam. That Lion Guy! We'll have to get Sam to the hospital, Anna. And I'll be at his side. I don't want to lose him. I want that dime-a-dozen bum hanged to the nearest tree! Lion Guy, you have a visitor to see you. I'll be glad to see a human face. Lion Guy, it's me. Beulah. Beulah! Am I glad to see you! I've sprung you, Lion Guy. I'll take you home. [Lion Guy] How's Sam? I hope I didn't destroy him when I threw that 1993 MGM/UA Home Video logo at him. [Beulah] He's doing fine. Anna called me from the hospital to say that Sam's dropping the charges against you if you apologize to him. [Lion Guy] Good. Let's go to the hospital so I can apologize to him. Hey, Lion Guy! You called, Sam? Did we just get different camera? I thought they'd look brighter. Good thinking, my boy. Looks like that Lion Guy's jumped the gun. I agree. He sent the "Looney Tunes" title in an MGM/UA Home Video logo. Tom and Jerry meets Bugs Bunny. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ease up on the Lion Guy, Anna. He's trying to do good after being sprung from jail. I understand, Sam. Let's give him a chance. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Lion Guy, you've done it again! The caption ahead of the lion! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Methinks I goofed again. Youthinks right, Lion Guy. But I think Beulah's right--- it's very funny! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That joke is so old. Well? Well what? Where's the rest of the titles? I think something's fishy here. I agree with you, LH Michelle, but give the poor boy some slack. Remember, he's trying to make his own way in the world. You tell her, Sam. [Speakonia Male 2] 1973 MGM? [Speakonia Male 3] Must be a new kind of birthday present for the younger set. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! All right, Lion Guy! Are you trying to make an *** out of me? You said get the logo in before the captions. That's right, but I meant getting the lion in first. Then the captions appearing should read "MGM/UA" and "Home Video." Do you understand me? Roger Wilco. [Sam] I wish he'd call me by my proper name. LION GUY!!! You bellowed, Sam? Yes, I bellowed, Lion Guy! Do you work the commercial plug for supermarkets? I should say not, Sam. Then why the hell did you put a Fred Meyer logo up when this is supposed to be Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer? Microsoft Sam! Please do not be too rough on the Lion Guy! You know I'm the one who bailed him out of jail after he hit you with the lion! If you abuse him, you'll feel my wrath! Understand me? You tell him, Beulah! You keep out of this, you ***! And you'd better stop dating him if you know what's good for you, Fatso! Listen, Sam! The Lion Guy and I love each other and I want you to stop objecting to it! And never call me "Fatso" again! All right, all right! I know when I'm licked. But you and the Lion Guy better toe the line, or else! Remember who's in charge here. Costco. The retail store. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I had another dream about retail stores. It wasn't as frightning as the ones before. Bruce Cockburn, 1980. This is not Costco; this is Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer. Either you put "MGM/UA Home Video" up, capeesh? [Lion Guy] Picky, picky, picky. Big Y? I'd say Tom Cat would bring on the grocery store as a special guest if the grocery store hadn't ***. Grocery store is not dead. The story they planted in the tabloids a couple of years ago was just a hoax. LION GUY!!! Holy Schneikees, Sam! I don't know who's been giving me the wrong captions, but it's not my *** fault, you slave-driving control freak! ONE MORE INSUBORDINATE COMMENT LIKE THAT AND OUT YOU GO!! PERMANENTLY!! YOU HEAR ME? Take it easy, Lion Guy. Sam's just having a bad day. Don't let it bother you. Relax. Keep your cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum is coming on. No no no no no no no no damn damn damn damn crap crap crap crap!! I just got out of jail and now you're threatening to throw me back in!! I don't have to take this *** from *** like you, and if you fire me, I'll kill myself!! You *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***!! [BOOM!!] Are you all right, Lion Guy? I'm okay, Beulah. If you two can put aside this sympathy, we've got a picture to start. I know exactly what to do, Sam. Oh no! No! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! [Bawling] Why? Why? Why? That Lion guy's ruined me! I'm ruined! RUINED!! There, there, Sam. It's not the end of the world. You're right, Anna. This isn't the end of the world... BUT IT'S THE END OF THE LION GUY'S CAREER!! LION GUY, YO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-OU'RE FIRED! OUT YOU GO! OUT-OUT-OUT-OUT-OUT!! Oh no you don't, Microsoft Sam! You re-hire my boyfriend right now! Never! You stay away from that dime-a-dozen bum forever! You hear me? Stay away from him forever! That's the last straw, Microsoft Sam! You're becoming too much of a tyrant for all of us! [Beulah] Out you go! [ZOOM!] [CRASH!] [Sam] This is mutiny! I'm calling the police! How's Sam doing? Just fine, Anna. He'll be back in a matter of days. I hope he'll be in a good mood when he returns. He will be. Let's get on with the picture. [BUZZER] Uh-oh! The titles are out of order. Looks like we have the rest of the day to ourselves. Who could have screwed up the titles like that? I haven't the foggiest idea, Mike. I think I know who it was. Sam rigged the system so it wouldn't work right until he returns. Let's all take the rest of the day off. [Sam] This is Microsoft Sam with a confession. I've always been a perfectionist. I'm sorry for the way I acted and for trying to break Beulah and the Lion Guy up. The Lion Guy and Beulah are not mutineers, and the Lion Guy is re-hired... ...at least for the time being. Sam? Sam? Has anybody seen Sam? He's lecturing the Lion Guy. Something about Sam's recent psychiatric treatment. I'm all right now. I just get so pissed off over the least little things. Ready, Lion Guy? Ready, Sam. [Sam] Roll it! United States Marine Corps? I can see it now: Jerry Mouse meets the Army Soldiers. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! What does US Marines have to do with MGM/UA? Nothing that I know of. United States Air Force. Looks like we're in for a spell of bad weather. He'd better start building his ark and bringing all the airplanes in. Wild Blue Yonder! Hahahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! If he got a section of a circle, it would be the US Air Force. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! [Speakonia Male 2] United States Navy. [Speakonia Male 3] Navy ships meet Tom and Jerry. Oh noes! It's the V of Doom! Get it outta here! Calm down, Sam. You know the Lion Guy has no intention of scaring you to death. LION GUY!!! You bellowed, Sam? Yes, I bellowed, Lion Guy! Are you trying to scare me to death? I'm doing nothing of the kind! He's only human, Sam. Shut up, you ***! [Mike] Stop calling me an ***! You tell him, Mike! Don't defend a guy who's an out-and-out liar, you ***! [Mary] Stop calling me a ***! You and Mike accept the truth and be done with it! He's an *** and you're a ***! You hear me? Accept it! It's the truth! Truth truth truth truth truth! Stay calm, Mary. Sam's just being delusional. Keep your cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum coming on. Eee-yow-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w! Microsoft Sam, you know I'm not a *** and Mike's not an ***! Stop deluding yourself into thinking it's the truth when it isn't! You hear me? You *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***!! [BOOM!!] Mary! Are you all right? I hope you're not too shaken up. I'm okay. It's just that Sam's delusions just *** me off. I'm sorry, Mary, but that's just the way I am. I understand, Sam. Let her recover before you say anything more to her. If you don't mind, Sam, I'd like to get this MGM/UA Home Video logo started. Go to it, Lion Guy! Oh noes! Not the B-Backwards N-D Mask of Guo Jiang! No no no no no no no no no no no no noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyes! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Microsoft Sam, I've come for your soul! You'll never take me alive! Never! If you want Sam, you'll have to get me first! Get away, interferer, or you'll get the pain I'm going to give Sam! That's far enough, Mask of Guo Jiang! Now you're going to get yours! Take that! [BOOM!!] Did you see that, Abby? Anna knocked the B-Backwards N-D Mask of Guo Jiang out with laser beams from her eyes! Well, that's one less scary logo to worry about! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! [Anna] You have nothing to worry about, Sam. The Mask will never bother you again. [Sam] That's a relief. United States Army? Does the military work for Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer? No. "AU/MGM?" Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You got MGM/UA spelled backwards! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Uh-oh! Methinks I goofed again. Youthinks right, Lion Guy. Let's try it again. "O-E-D-I-V E-M-O-H?" That Lion Guy's working with mirrors again. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh noes! Not again! Give me another chance, Sam! Well... all right. You talked me into it. Oops! I forgot to put the words of Looney Tunes. Well, isn't that rich! He got the logo right and the "That's all Folks!" and he finds that Sam forgot to bring the words of Looney Tunes! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Hey Lion Guy, whatta you say we get a bite to eat for lunch? Great idea, Beulah. The tab's on me. [Anna] Beulah has the right idea. It's almost lunch time, Sam. Wanna come with me? [Sam] I'm with you, Anna. [Mike] Are you coming along, Mary? [Mary] Lead the way, Mike. As long as the Lion Guy's buying for all of us. [Lion Guy] Oh crotch! Places, everybody! Quiet on the set! We need to get this MGM/UA Home Video logo right this time or Mr. MGM will be furious! I am furious yellow. Not "curious," Lion Guy... "furious." He means Mr. MGM will be very angry. And you wouldn't like him when he's angry. Because when Mr. MGM is angry, heads usually roll. I've never seen a person's head roll. I never hope to see one. But you know what's at stake here. You'd rather see one than be one. Hahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Well, I might as well get this MGM/UA Home Video logo started up. Is that the usual MGM/UA Home Video logo? All I know is that Sam said to bring the logo in here. Yes, but it's the wrong logo. It's supposed to be the one from 1993, not 1982. Look, Sam, an MGM/UA Home Video logo is an MGM/UA Home Video logo. If you want to get technical... I see your point, Lion Guy. Hahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! What's so damn funny? What you said a while ago. "I am furious yellow!" Hahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! [Announcer] You can be sure... ...if it's Westinghouse. Westinghouse. They used to make great appliances years ago. Speak for yourself, LH Michael. I grew up in a General Electric family myself. LION GUY!!! You bellowed, Sam? Yes, I bellowed, Lion Guy! What did I tell you about commerical plugs in an ident? Next time you do that, I'm telling Mr. MGM on you! Sorry about that. I didn't know he was watching. LION GUY, YOU'RE FIRED!!! Fired!? Fired!? You can't do this to me, Sam! I'm filing a wrongful termination lawsuit against you! [Sam] It won't do you any good, Lion Guy! I'll tell Mr. MGM that your ouster is justified! [Sam] Get out and stay out! [ZOOM] [CRASH!] Microsoft Sam! Are you out of what's left of your brains? Bring the Lion Guy back here now! Never! And that's final! Don't you dare upset Beulah, Sam! You know she loves the Lion Guy. Besides, who's going to operate the logo? Anybody can do better than that dime-a-dozen bum! [Speakonia Male 2] Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam. Do you realize you're making Mr. MGM angry at you for firing the Lion Guy without cause? [Speakonia Male 3] We can't operate the logo as effectively as he can. [Sam] Just do it! [Speakonia Male 3] Sheesh! And shush the sheesh! This isn't the United States Coast Guard. Mr. MGM will have a royal fit if he saw this in an ident! Get it right! Microsoft Anna speaking. who? Yes, he's here. It's for you, Sam. All right, what do you want? Who? Mr. MGM? Bring back the Lion Guy? But he keeps messing up the MGM/UA Home Video ID! Don't you realize he keeps making an *** out of me? What? You wouldn't! Oh, you would. Okay, I'll do it. What did he say, Sam? Mr. MGM says if I don't re-hire the Lion Guy, he'll come over here and nail me to the MGM lion. So, just bring him back. Yeah, Sam. There's no sense in hating him. They're right, Sam. No sense getting worked up over it. Remain calm. Uh-oh! Tantrum in five, four, three, two, one... NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP! I NEVER GET MY WAY AROUND HERE ANYMORE WITH THE BIG BOSS ON MY *** FOR FIRING THE LION GUY! WELL I SAY THE LION GUY'S A DIME-A-DOZEN BUM! YOU HEAR ME, MR. MGM? HE'S A BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM!! [BOOM!!] Sam? Sam? Are you all right? I'm okay. I just had to put my two cents in somehow. [Anna] There, there, Sam. I'll go and get the Lion Guy for you. Do you want to continue trying to get the MGM/UA Home Video logo done right? You bet I do! Oh noes! Not the Klasky-Csupo Robot! He's even worse than that B-Backwards-N-D Mask of Guo Jiang! No no no no no no no no no no no no noooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyes! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Well, here we go again. Time to save Sam from yet another scary logo. Get away, interferer! Sam is mine and you can't have him! Stay away, you harlot! That is an insult! I am not a harlot! For this you're gonna get it! Take that! [BOOM!!] Thanks, Anna. You've saved my life again. You're welcome, Sam. It's a special power I acquired after I was abducted by aliens a few years ago. Anna was abducted by aliens and they gave her the power to fry out scary logos with her eyes? I didn't know that! Lion Guy! You're back! I missed you! I missed you too. Right now I have a job to do. Oops! Methinks I goofed again! Youthinks right, Lion Guy. However, I won't punish you this time because Mr. MGM would impale me on the logo if I did. Sheesh! If he did that to you, I'd get worse treatment. I don't think so. He's just making sure Sam knows who's in charge. I couldn't have said it better. Mr. MGM says don't worry about what happened during Sam's tantrum. He'll pay for the damage... ...out of Sam's salary. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Cheapskate! [BUZZER] Holy Schneikees! Look at the time! Five minutes before clocking-out time and we still haven't gotten it right. If we don't get the MGM/UA Home Video logo right, Mr. MGM says he'll take no prisoners! That means we only have one more chance! You said it, Lion Guy! All right! We did it right! And with only two minutes to spare. See, Sam? I told you I'd get it right one of these days. [Anna] I knew we'd do it! I love you, Sam! [Sam] I love you too, Anna! [Beulah] It sure feels good knowing we've finally done something right. [Abby] I agree, Beulah. You know that old saying: "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." [Lion Guy] To think it took us 28 episodes to get the 1993 MGM/UA Home Video logo right. [Mike] This calls for a celebration. [Mary] I agree. The biggest wrap party in the history of show biz. [Sam] With the Lion Guy buying every round of drinks for the whole gang! Hahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! [Lion Guy] Oh crotch!