Altmer (High Elves)

== The Altmer, also known as "High Elves", are a species of elf who smoke joints of Sujamma on the golden bays of the Summerset Isles. They have cute women, but the men are as ugly as an Oblivion character. ==
Altmer are probably the most ideal race for pure-mage characters, as they are born with an affinity for flowers, and can shoot flowers out of their fingertips.
They are basically the vegans of Tamriel, as they will never shut up about their superiority over the "lesser" races. Another trait shared with Veganism is that all Altmer are fed up with existance, and instead of respecting another's will to enjoy life to the fullest, they would rather end the world for everybody. 
== HOME PROVINCE ==
Altmer live on the mystical Island of Hawaii, where they learn the ways of Harry Potter. In our language, "Hawaii" translates to "Summerset Isles", and thus we have a common misconception of the true name for their homeland.
Hawaii is full of stunning architecture, such as towers constructed entirely out of soy, and glass beads littering the landscape. They have virtually zero crime in the entire population, as basically anyone who dares commit an offence is usually thrown from a tower. Some say they do this to babies too in an effort to control population growth, however there is a soy lining to that rumour.
Many races used to visit the island for a holiday in the past eras, but due to some sporting a fancy moustache, tourism is now at an all time low.
== CULTURE ==
Altmer culture is certainly fascinating to understand, as the daily rituals are quite alien to our modern standards of living.
Here is an average daily routine for a High Elf commoner:
9:00AM - Wake up late, because you were snorting Skooma the entire night.
9:30AM - Clean yourself up, and paint your fingernails (male or female)
10:00AM - Attend Catholic mass.
10:30AM - Wake up from Catholic mass.
11:00AM - Go home and cook some soy stew.
11:30AM - Eat your soy stew, making sure that everybody is aware that you are eating soy stew.
12:00PM-5:00PM - Practice ooga booga Altmer magic.
6:00PM - Soy stew for dinner...
7:00PM - Sleep.
8:00PM - Secretly touch your Michael Kirkbride portrait under the covers.
9:00PM - Actually go to sleep.
== Appearence ==
Piss-orange skin, looks like a twink. Like their Imperial neighbours they cast "Summon Succubus" every night. If you're feeling you're getting watched by the nazi in tamriel it's most likely because of the altmer.
Category:Races