Puss in Boots: The Last Wish/Transcript

EXT. A STARSCAPE
A scene of surpassing beauty: ethereal light, vibrant cosmic
clouds, jewel-like constellations. Celestial gases swirl--
then FLARE as A NEW STAR blazes to life.
PUSS (V.O.): Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight-- I wish I may, I wish I might, have this wish I wish tonight.
Title on screen: This story is a Fairy Tale.
The star begins to fall from the heavens, shedding enchanted light.
PUSS (V.O.): Once upon a time, a wishing star fell from the sky--
The star plummets to Earth. It impacts within an OLD GROWTH FOREST, sending out a burning pulse of cosmic power.
PUSS (V.O.): Scorching a great woods black.
Glittering stardust rains onto the ashy earth.
TIME LAPSE: a tiny plant sprouts, vivid green against the blackened landscape. Saplings grow and stretch for the sky.
Colorful flowers bloom, fed by stardust, drawing enchantment from the soil.
PUSS (V.O.): The Dark Forest was born. The wishing star hidden at its center filling it with new life and the legend of a single wish, locked away in the star... waiting to be granted.
Title on screen: PUSS IN BOOTS ~ The Last Wish
INT. CLIFFSIDE MANSION - DARK HALLWAY - NIGHT
FAMILIAR BOOTS step from the shadows: stylish size ones, beautifully cobbled. PUSS IN BOOTS walks down a dark hallway. He approaches a curtain and pauses like an actor about to take the stage. Beyond the curtain, an excited crowd chants his name.
Puss in Boots! Puss in Boots!
Welcome to my fiesta!
Make yourselves at home, yeah.
Come on, eat.
Drink up.
Hey! Hola, amigo.
Good to see you again.
(giggles, grunts)
Papa, he stepped on my face!
And we will never wash it again.
(cheering)
People of Cordova…
It’s Del Mar.
People of Del Mar…
(cheering)
…accept this golden gift from Puss in Boots.
(cheering)
Play a song!
No, no, no. I couldn’t.
Sing, Puss, sing!
(moos)
Nah, I couldn’t possibly…
(playing lively guitar melody)
(cheering)
♪ Who is your favorite fearless hero? ♪
♪ Who is your favorite ♪
♪ Fearless hero? ♪
♪ Who’s brave and ready for trouble? ♪
♪ You are, you are ♪
PUSS: ♪ Uh-huh! ♪
♪ Who’s so unbelievably humble? ♪
♪ You are, you are ♪
♪ Who is your favorite fearless hero? ♪
♪ Who is your favorite ♪
♪ Fearless hero? ♪
(grunts) -(laughs)
♪ Who’s the gato who rolls the dice ♪
♪ And gambles with his life? ♪
♪ Who’s never been touched by a blade? ♪
♪ Puss in Boots is never afraid ♪
(cheering)
♪ Who is your favorite fearless hero? ♪
♪ Who is your favorite ♪
♪ Fearless hero? ♪
(screeches)
(Puss laughing)
(whooping)
!Ay, ay, ay, ay!
(dramatic vocalizing)
(laughs) Yeah!
(clears throat)
(bleats)
(gasps) My clothes.
My wig.
(nickers)
My portrait!
♪ ♪
Oh.
(chuckling): Hey, Governor.
Uh, one second.
(portrait tearing)
The outlaw, Puss in Boots.
Welcome! Mi casa es su casa.
No, su casa es mi casa.
Arrest these filthy peasants…
(crowd exclaims)
…and bring me the head of Puss in Boots!
Hey! This is a party!
Where is the music?
♪ He’s the blade of justice, stands up against evil ♪
♪ Fighting for the people ♪
♪ And he’s very good-looking ♪
♪ Who is your favorite fearless hero? ♪
♪ Who is your favorite ♪
♪ Fearless hero? ♪
(grunting fiercely)
♪ Puss in Boots ♪
♪ Puss in Boots ♪
Puss in Boots has never been touched by a blade.
♪ Never been touched ♪
But you?
(yelps) Skin that cat!
(laughter)
Governor, lighten up.
(whooshing)
(laughs)
(yelps)
(fireworks popping, whistling)
(growling)
(grunts, growls)
(yelps, grunts)
(laughing)
Uh-oh.
(yelling, grunting)
Silly guards, dogpiles don’t work on cats.
(laughter)
(rumbling)
(growling)
Holy frijoles.
You awoke the sleeping giant of Del Mar!
(people screaming)
♪ ♪
BOY: Giddyap!
Whee! I’m flying!
No, you are not flying.
I will save you!
Save me, too!
If it’s convenient.
You, launch me.
(grunts)
And the rest of you, play double time.
♪ Who is your favorite fearless hero? ♪
(grunts)
♪ Who is your favorite ♪
(growls)
♪ Fearless hero? ♪
♪ Who is your favorite fearless hero? ♪
♪ Who is your favorite ♪
♪ Fearless hero? ♪
(all gasp)
(screams)
Spanish Splinter.
(cheering)
(groans, grunts)
PUSS: Gracias.
(yowls)
Fear me, if you dare.
(cheering)
(bell clangs)
(bell clangs)
(bell clangs)
(bell clangs)
Yee-haw!
(laughing)
(whooping)
Yeah!
(cheering)
(whooping)
(roars, grunts)
Hey, giant!
Pray for mercy from…
Puss in Boots!
(bell clangs)
Hey, you want to see something cool?
(grunts)
(bell clangs)
(whooping)
(giant groans)
(bell clangs)
(cheering)
Puss: Gracias, Del Mar. You have been great! Get home safely.
(clucks)
Puss: Good night.
CROWD: Puss in Boots! Puss in Boots! Puss in Boots! Puss in Boots…
Puss: You’re still here? Okay, okay. One more number. I call this one “The Legend Will Never Die…”
Puss in Boots!
Puss? Puss. Puss in Boots.
Uh, where am I?
Not to worry. You’re in good hands.
My hands!
I am the village doctor.
I am also the village barber, veterinarian, dentist and witchfinder.
(coughing)
And in my professional opinion, you need a wash, a blowout and a little trim around the hindquarters.
Uh…
That’s my professional barber opinion.
But, putting on my doctor’s hat, I think we need to run a few tests.
All right. Reflexes.
(Puss yowls)
Catlike.
Temperature.
(growls, yelps)
Now lift your tail and relax.
(gasps)
Trust me, I run hot. Yep.
Then how about the latest in modern medical technology?
Leeches!
(leech squeals)
To draw out the evil humors.
(hisses)
Suit yourself. More for me.
Uh, listen, Doctor.
Thanks for everything, you know, but I am feeling great.
Strong, like a bull! You know?
Now, do you know a good place to get some gazpacho?
Please. This is serious.
What is it?
Puss in Boots, how do I say this?
You died. (blows)
Doctor, please.
Relax! I am Puss in Boots.
I laugh at death.
(laughs) You see?
And anyway, I am a cat.
I have nine lives.
And how many times have you died already?
Uh… I don’t know.
I never counted.
I am not really a math guy, you know?
Gato.
Take it easy, Doctor.
Let’s see, uh… (chuckles)
There was the running of the bulls in Pamplona.
♪ ♪
(panting): Hola, señorita.
Do you like gazpacho?
(bull bellows)
(laughing): Guess it’s not your night, huh, fellas?
(dogs growling)
(loud thump)
(Puss yowls)
(slurring): I am telling you, a cat always lands on his feet.
Watch.
No. Puss in Boots doesn’t need a spotter.
Watch. (grunts)
(screeches)
No need to pull into port.
This will revolutionize travel.
Watch.
Uh, excuse me. Does this have shellfish in it?
Yes, sir.
Eh.
(groans)
(clattering)
Gingy: Puss, I think you set the oven too high.
I am a master of the baking. Watch.
(Gingy screams)
And then there was the giant today.
(bell clangs)
So, what is that? Like, uh, uh, four?
That makes eight, Puss.
You are down to your last life.
My prescription: no more adventures for you.
You need to retire.
Me? Retire?
(laughing): Are you the village comedian as well?
Puss, is there any safe place you can go?
Any special someone you can rely on in this moment of need?
(chuckles) I am Puss in Boots, loved by one and all.
Anyone in particular?
I mean, uh, how could I possibly choose?
Mm-hmm.
This is the address of Mama Luna.
She is a cat fancier, always on the lookout for a new lap cat.
You will be safe there.
Lap cat?
I am no lap cat, Doctor.
I am Puss in Boots!
Not anymore.
Barber’s orders.
I mean, doctor’s orders.
And remember, Puss, death comes for us all.
Treat?
You’ve really got to work on your bedside manner.
(laughs) I am Puss in Boots.
I am no one’s lap cat.
That doctor is a quack and a crazy man.
He should stick to cutting hair.
Last call, Señor Boots.
(thunder rumbling)
Another glass of cream. Make it your heaviest.
Oh, I keep the heavy stuff in the back.
(scoffs) “Retire.”
You are too good-looking to retire.
(whistling a tune)
(thunder rumbling)
Well, well.
If it isn’t Puss in Boots himself.
(chuckling)
In the flesh.
Uh, hey.
There’s the famous hat, the feather and, of course, the boots.
My compliments to your cobbler.
(chuckling)
(clears throat) Thanks.
Uh, good to meet you, too.
Hey. I never do this, but can I get your autograph?
Been following you for a long time.
Sign right there.
(laughing)
Puss in Boots laughs in the face of death, bounty hunter.
So I’ve heard.
You will find your reward does not come easily.
This I tell you.
Everyone thinks they’ll be the one to defeat me, but no one’s escaped me yet.
(sighs) All right.
Let’s get it over with.
(neck cracking)
Fear me, if you da…
♪ ♪
Okay, no more messing around. (grunts)
(Puss grunting)
Slow. Sloppy. Sad.
(chuckling)
(growls, yelps)
(yells)
(whispers): You’re not living up to the legend, gato.
(straining)
(grunts)
(grunting)
(panting)
(gasps)
(gasps)
(sniffing)
(sighs)
I just love the smell of fear.
(thunder crashes)
(heartbeat thumping)
What’s the matter?
Lives flashing before your eyes?
Pick it up.
Pick it up.
(grunts)
(whistling a tune)
(panting heavily)
(whimpering softly)
(footsteps)
(whistling continues)
♪ ♪
Corre, corre, gatito.
(grunts)
(gasps)
(panting)
(thunder rumbling)
(insects trilling)
♪ ♪
♪ ¿Por qué te vas? ♪
♪ Si tejimos tantos recuerdos ♪
♪ ¿Por qué te vas? ♪
♪ Cuando todo era ♪
♪ Tan perfecto ♪
♪ ¿Por qué te vas? ♪
♪ Si eres parte de mí ♪
♪ ¿Cómo seguire sin ti? ♪
♪ No se concebirlo. ♪
I am no longer worthy.
I’m sorry.
(thunder rumbling)
(sighs)
We are gathered here today to say goodbye to Puss in Boots.
There are no words to express such a loss.
Thank you.
But it would be a crime not to try.
He was known across the land by many names.
The Stabby Tabby.
El Macho Gato.
The Leche Whisperer.
To some, an outlaw.
To more, a hero.
To all, a legend.
I was right.
Words were not enough.
But perhaps a song.
♪ Who is your favorite fearless hero? ♪
(crying): ♪ Who is your favorite ♪
♪ Fearless hero? ♪
♪ You were, you were. ♪
(sobbing)
♪ ♪
(thunder rumbling)
(creaking)
(sighs)
MAMA LUNA: I told you health department people, there are no cats here!
Uh… (clears throat)
Meow?
(lock clicks)
(cats mewing)
(gasps)
MAMA LUNA: Oh!
You’re not from the health department, are you?
No, you’re not. We better get you inside because, baby, they are always watching.
I am Mama Luna, and this is my home.
And now it’s your home, too.
Your forever home. (chuckles)
(gulps)
Ow!
♪ Kitty gets a bath ♪
♪ The kitty gets a bath ♪
♪ Hi-ho the… ♪
I bet you never even had a name.
But you know what, I have thought of something perfect.
I shall call you…
(bell jingles)
…Pickles!
Brother cats, sister kitties, meet your new roommate. (giggles)
Say hello, Pickles.
Meow, eh?
(cats yowling, hissing)
Ooh.
What? Did I say something salty?
It’s my second language.
(grunts) Stupid mittens.
Get off me.
♪ This is the end ♪
♪ Amigo, sí, el fin ♪
(meows, growls)
(growls)
Oh, no.
♪ This is the end ♪
(trickling)
♪ Ultimo… ♪
(sighs, gasps)
This is a person potty, Pickles. That’s your potty.
(cat grunting)
(flies buzzing)
Puss: So this is where dignity goes to die.
♪ De todo lo que está de pie ♪
(cats meow)
(grunts, exclaims)
No, no way.
♪ The end ♪
(food sizzling)
♪ I’ll never… ♪
MAMA LUNA: Uh-uh-uh.
(yowls)
(sighs)
(cats meowing, purring)
♪ Imaginate cómo sera ♪
♪ Sin limite, con libertad ♪
(cats meows)
PUSS: Meow.
♪ Desperately in need ♪
(cats purring)
♪ Of some stranger’s hand ♪
♪ In a desperate land ♪
♪ This is the end. ♪
(sniffing)
(cow bellows)
(bell clanging)
(sniffing)
(growls)
You got the scent?
These are too small, and these are too big.
But these ones… these ones are just right.
(Goldi laughs)
Baby! Track that cat.
(sniffing)
(all meow)
(tail thumping)
Puss: (sighs) Do you mind? I’m trying to eat here.
I mean, meow. Whatever.
Oh, sorry.
(gasps)
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. You’re a talking cat? I’m a talking cat. Let’s talk.
(sighs) I’d rather eat.
Oh, not a problem.
We can eat and talk at the same time.
No hablo inglés.
(gasps)
¿Hablas español?! Yo también!
!Ah! ¿De dónde eres? ¿Te gustan las siestas?
I don’t speak Spanish, either.
(chuckles)
You’re funny.
Uh… okay. Good talk.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hang on.
Pickles? Is that your name?
Me, I don’t have a name or a home.
So, I’m no expert, but you don’t look like a Pickles.
Well, you don’t look like a cat.
(gasps) Okay, okay, okay.
Full disclosure: I’m not a cat.
I’m a dog. (shushing)
MAMA LUNA: Hi, Bon Bon.
Meow.
MAMA LUNA: Oh, Pickles has a new girlfriend? Okay.
I live under the porch.
It can get a little lonely down there.
It’s mostly controlled by the rats and the centipedes, but I have my own little corner.
Congratulations.
I just come up here for the food and the friends.
(hisses viciously)
Mostly… mostly the food.
Please don’t tell anyone. I need this.
I won’t tell. I don’t care.
So you’ll keep my secret?
A secret between friends?
Just a secret.
It’s funny… despite all this best friend bonding, you’re still a mystery to me, Pickles.
What’s your story?
My story…
♪ ♪
(bird screeching)
What are we looking at?
(horse neighs)
…is over.
(gasps) Oh, no.
Want to rub my belly?
Hmm?
What-what’s happening?
Rub.
Hard pass.
Come on, rub. I need the practice.
I’m gonna be a therapy dog someday.
What the hell are you talking about?
I’m glad you asked.
When people feel bad, they can rub my belly.
It’ll make ’em feel better. Rub my belly.
No. No.
Come on, rub it.
Not happening. No.
Rub it.
Let me be clear.
I don’t want to touch your belly, okay?
Okey doke. So, what do you want?
I want to be left alone.
♪ ♪
(snoring)
(cats purring softly)
♪ ♪
(sighs, screams)
Ugh, you’re back.
Oh, I never left.
(creaking footsteps)
(sniffing)
The wolf. He found me.
(roaring)
(cats yowling)
(screams)
Hello, missus.
We’re looking for a cat.
This cat.
We’ve got an offer for him.
What could they possibly want to offer Puss in Boots?
What’s a Puss in Boots?
Seriously?
I told you health department people, there are no cats here.
Make her talk.
(growling)
Excuse me, my darling.
We’re looking for the legendary Puss in Boots.
Have you perhaps… seen him?
Too soft.
Out with it, you old biddy, or I’ll have your guts for garters.
(whimpers)
Too hard. That was not just right.
Oi, Baby, sniff him out.
You don’t tell me what to do.
Listen to your sister, Baby.
Oh, she’s not my sister!
She’s a fugitive orphan.
Ow!
She is your sister.
Do as she says.
Fine, but all I can smell is cats’ pee.
(cats yowling)
Everybody! Get to the safe room, just like we practiced!
Oi. She’s leggin’ it.
Follow me, children! Ow!
Give her the piano treatment, Papa.
Oh! You think this is the first time I’ve been stuffed in a piano?
(Goldi laughing)
(plays discordantly)
(plays lively tune)
PAPA: Here we go!
♪ Roll out the barrel… ♪
Oh…
GOLDI: Mama, focus, please.
(growls)
(cats screeching)
(screams)
Hey! There’s cats everywhere!
So many cats! (screams)
Amateurs.
I’ll be outside.
(yowls)
My cats can play better than you.
♪ Now’s the time to roll out the barrel… ♪
Goldi, is this him?
GOLDI: That’s a dog in a cat costume.
(chuckles)
Oh, yeah.
Tricky little bugger.
How about this one? He’s a ginger.
(cat yowls)
Is that a joke?
You think this scruffy, geriatric bag of bones looks like a legend?
This is definitely not…
BABY: Puss in Boots! I found him!
Puss in Boots, dead and buried.
Dead? No, no, no, he can’t be.
(sniffing)
Yep. The nose never lies.
Well, that’s that, then.
What say we go and hibernate, huh?
No.
Ow!
The map is being delivered tonight, and we have one chance to steal it.
Without it, we’ll never find the Wishing Star.
The Wishing Star.
It does exist.
That star has one wish to grant.
One wish?
Think of what that could mean for us.
Nine lives. Yes!
Well, I don’t see why we needed to hire Puss in Boots in the first place.
Ugh. Because nobody steals from Big Jack Horner.
No! Not Jack Horner.
Don’t worry, love. We’ll get that wish somehow.
Thank you, Mama.
Yeah, because I’ve got a plan.
I can nick a map as good as any old cat.
(laughs)
You’ve got a plan?
What? I’m smart, ain’t I? Ain’t I, Papa?
PAPA: No, you ain’t well-fixed for brains.
Robbing Big Jack Horner… Very risky.
But that wish could get me my lives back.
And my life back.
Goodbye, Pickles!
Oh, no, Pickles, you’re leaving?
Perro, start digging.
Okay.
But if this Puss in Boots is such a big deal, maybe we shouldn’t be desecrating his grave.
No, I don’t think he would mind, because he…
…is me!
Oh. O-Okay.
Oh, yeah. Uh… (clears throat)
Normally, I have a sword.
It’s like a whole thing, you know?
Pickles, you’re Puss in Boots?
Not yet, but I will be.
I’ll come… (yelps)
I’ll come with you.
Sorry, perro.
Puss in Boots walks alone!
♪ ♪
GUARD: Open the gates!
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hands off the merchandise. We got this.
Okay. Just get in and get out.
Easy peasy.
Lemon squeezy.
Aah! What are you doing here?
I brought you a sword.
That’s not a sword. That’s a stick.
It’s a stick sword.
Go home.
Well, my home is where my friends are.
Again, not friends.
Rub for luck?
(scoffs)
I don’t need luck for this.
I am a highly skilled master cat thief.
Watch.
(Puss straining)
You got this.
(grunting)
Hmm. (smacking lips)
I pronounce this batch… delicious.
Ship ’em out.
Mr. Horner.
The Serpent Sisters got the goods.
Is it? Is it the map to the Wishing Star?
Stop everything. You two, come with me.
We must get this to the trophy room.
You know, it took a lot of murdering to get this map.
It all started…
Take it to the trophy room!
(thumping)
(grunts)
(tweets, squawks)
What the…
(door opens)
Wow. Look at all the magic stuff.
Yes, I collect enchanted objects, magical icons, bobbles and geegaws and la-di-da and blah-blah-blah.
JO: Check it out. I’m walking on a magic carpet.
Sweet.
(high-pitched shouting)
The shrunken ship of the Lilliputians.
Shut up! Are those unicorn horns?
Baby unicorn horns.
Half as heavy, twice as sharp.
Savage.
(groans) They’re trinkets.
They’re nothing compared to the awesome power of the magic Wishing Star.
Speaking of which, make with the box, sister.
JO: You got it, boss.
Like I was saying, the amount of murdering we…
Make with the box!
After so many years of searching, this is my moment.
With this wish, I will finally be the master of all magic.
JO: Hey, Little Jack.
Excuse me?
Could you do the thumb thing?
Shh.
Like in the fairy tale?
It wasn’t a fairy tale!
It was only a nursery rhyme.
(laughing): Oh, yeah. The lame one.
Little Jack Horner sat in the corner eating a Horner pie…
♪ Stuck in my thumb, pulled out a plum ♪
♪ And said, “What a good boy am I.” ♪
(panting)
Look! A magic puppet.
♪ ‘Cause I’m a real boy ♪
♪ No strings attached. ♪
(cheering)
Thank you. Thank you.
What’s impressive?
I’ve been a boy the whole time. (yells)
Little Jack Horner didn’t have any magic.
He was a pathetic, buttered baker’s boy.
Little Jack’s dead!
I’m Big Jack Horner.
JAN: Uh, Mr. Big Jack Horner, sir…
(chuckles): I barely know her.
JO: What do you mean?
We’re sisters, you goof.
We got matching face tattoos.
Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.
(Puss yelps, groans)
Puss?
Kitty?
Puss…
Kitty!
(grunts)
This is my job.
No, this is my job. I’m double-crossing the bears.
No, I am double-crossing the bears.
They tried to hire me earlier today.
Well, they tried to hire me two weeks ago.
That makes you plan B.
(gasps)
JACK HORNER: Aha!
There it is.
Whew.
Now, about your payment.
Hold up. You promised us our weight in gold.
I did, didn’t I?
Ever hear of the Midas touch?
Ah, cool. Dibs. (chuckles)
Oh, no. I misjudged the situation.
(gasps)
This is why you don’t cross Jack Horner.
What is this?
Are you a pirate now?
Shh.
It’s like a possum crawled on your face and died.
Shh!
Of shame.
Please, mock me quietly.
I hate it. It’s disgusting.
Well, I love it. It’s distinguished.
(deep creaking)
(screaming)
(wheezing)
Great plan, Baby. Real catlike.
Uh, can I go?
Pleasure doing, uh…
Puss in Boots?
Goldi. Bears.
Hola, Jack.
Kitty Softpaws.
My, you have a lot of nerve coming back here.
Please. I was the best thief you ever hired.
You robbed me.
You set me up.
You said you were going on some spiritual retreat.
Namaste.
And you’re supposed to be dead.
I got better?
Ugh. Just give us the map.
And throw in a dozen pies.
Eh?
Ooh. Have you got any savory pies?
What? N-No.
Yeah, what flavors you got?
MAMA: Can we get all of that in a bag to go?
Oh, would you stop talking about blooming pies? Focus!
(high-pitched screaming)
Hand over that map, or I’ll punch holes in the lot of ya.
(creaking)
Oh, bums.
Look out! It’s coming down!
PUSS: Ha!
I hate talking fairy tale animals!
(screaming)
(laughs)
What? Get back here!
The best thief has won.
Huh?
KITTY: You’re right.
(Puss groans)
She did.
Oh, come on!
(yells)
(roaring)
There. They’re getting away.
♪ ♪
(henchmen yelling)
(distorted groaning)
(screams)
Ooh.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Nice catching up with you, Puss.
Got to go.
Here, kitty, kitty.
Is that a stick? What are you gonna do with that…
Ow!
Ow! Me knuckles!
You shouldn’t have done that, mate.
This idiot.
Hey, Puss. I found a sandwich in here.
I think it’s tuna fish.
Drive, perro!
Okey doke.
(neighing)
(henchmen shouting)
Oh, cool. Another member of the team.
BOTH: We are not a team.
Eyes on the road!
Whoa!
Who is this guy?
I’m Puss’s best friend.
No, he isn’t.
And his therapy dog.
Definitely not.
Finally. You need therapy.
Give me the map. Trust me.
Trust you? Like I did in Santa Coloma?
Really? Santa Coloma?
Sí, Santa Coloma.
Mine!
Mine!
(screeches): Mine!
(screeches): Mine!
(both screeching, hissing)
(both blow, growl)
Hyah!
(gasping, cheering)
(neighing)
Good people, accept this golden gift from Puss in Boots!
(cheering)
(wolf whistling)
Speed up! Go, go, go!
(yells)
Assemble the Baker’s Dozen.
Careful with this.
(yells)
I’ll take this and that.
Oh, and these. One of those.
And I got to take that. Yes. Yes.
No. Yes! Oh, yeah!
(humming a jolly tune)
All of these!
(chuckles) This one is right.
(bowling pins crashing)
(yells)
(horses neighing)
(yelling)
I’ll get you, my kitties, and your little dog, too.
(panting)
What? This is blank.
We’ve been ripped off! Where is the…
Oh. Yeah. I knew it was gonna do that.
“The Dark Forest is deep and far. Within its bounds, you’ll find the star.”
(sighs) The Dark Forest?
No one goes into the Dark Forest.
Or comes out.
KITTY: “A single wish burns true and bright. This map’s the key, so hold on tight.”
(grunts) Suéltalo.
You let go.
A stick?
(chuckles) What happened to your sword?
Got rid of it, you know.
Made things too easy.
I needed a challenge.
Yeah, you looked pretty challenged back there.
(chuckles)
There’s no way I’m letting you hold the map.
Well, there’s no way I’m letting you hold the map.
I can hold it.
(whip cracking sound effects)
Yeah, right. What’s your deal, anyway?
You run with the Chihuahua Gang?
I don’t think so.
I don’t believe you.
That’s okay.
As long as you believe in yourself.
Wha…
Is he deranged?
Yep.
What’s your name?
Oh, I’ve been called all kinds of things.
Dog, Bad Dog, Stupid Dog.
Hey You! You There! Get Out! Leave It! Drop It!
Big Rat, Small Pig, Rat Face,
Butt Nugget, (bleep) for Brains.
You know, that sort of thing.
But I’ve never had a name that really stuck, you know?
That belonged to me.
Is he done?
And you are?
Softpaws.
Kitty Softpaws.
Wow. Yeah. Now, that’s a good name.
There’s music in a name like that.
Kitty Softpaws.
Nice try. Classic con.
No one’s that dumb. No one’s that nice.
I don’t trust you.
Me, neither. He cannot be trusted.
But I trust him more than I trust you.
PUSS: Wow. This trip is going to be fun.
(horse neighing)
(sniffing)
♪ ♪
(thunder crashing)
This must be the Dark Forest.
Oh, my God!
It’s gone.
It’s back.
Ay, qué miedo.
Nothing to worry about.
We step through as one. Ready? One, two, after you.
Wait, what?
Puss: Dog? Still alive?
Kitty: Let’s go find out.
Wait!
(all screaming)
Um… (clears throat)
Whoa.
Wow.
For a Dark Forest, this place is pretty colorful.
I wish I had my quinceañera here.
The Wishing Star is in here somewhere.
Kitty, may I please see the map?
No.
Seriously!
You won’t let me hold it for even one minute?
Nope. Not even for one second.
Puss: Come on, Kitty. You’ve got to trust me.
Wait. Wh-Wh-What’s… What’s going on with his eyes?
Oh, they’re getting bigger.
Oh, Kitty!
You got to trust him. Look at those eyes.
Really? You call that cute?
(dog gasps)
Oh, look at her!
Those eyes are even bigger than yours.
Do whatever she wants, Puss.
Wait a second. So poofy!
No. With the paws?
(purring)
Come on. (gasps) With the hat? It’s all so cute! Cuteness overload!
Can we look at the map now?
(whimpers)
KITTY: “Follow this enchanted chart.
It knows your path and knows your heart.”
PUSS: Is that us?
(rumbling)
It says we must go through the Valley of Incineration over Undertaker Ridge, through the Cave of Lost Souls?
Really? (screams)
Let me take a look.
(rumbling)
What?
Swamp of Infinite Sorrows?
Mountains of Misery?
The Abyss of Eternal Loneliness?
There’s something wrong with this map.
I guess there is a different terrible path for everyone.
It’s almost like the forest doesn’t want anyone to make a wish.
Well, I don’t even have a wish, but can I try?
Oh, mine says… (gasps)
We skip through the Pocket Full of Posies.
What?
Huh?
Then drift down the River of Relaxation.
That sounds fun.
No fair.
Why does he get the good one?
Wander the Fields of Quick and Easy Solutions, and arrive at the star.
Oh, wow! That sounds wonderful.
Oh, but no. This is your quest.
I don’t want to impose.
BOTH: You hold the map.
(gasps) Really?
But don’t you cross me, or your name will be Perro Muerto.
Okey dokey.
Wait. Is that…
(screaming)
It’s raining bears. Time to go.
(sniffing)
GOLDI: Oh, I’m tellin’ ya, when we get that wish,
it will make everything just right for all of us.
Will it make us rich?
Rich enough to hibernate all the year round?
The richest.
Will we be, like, big-time thieves?
The biggest.
(chuckling)
Eh, you know that suit Jack Horner wears?
Yeah.
I’m going to have one of them.
Yeah?
Only mine will be purpler.
Like, twice as purpler.
The purplest!
(chuckling): Nice.
Big-time thieves coming through!
PAPA: I’ll race ya!
You can’t beat me, old man!
What kind of wish can do all that, Goldi?
Oh, I can’t tell ya.
If you say what your wish is, then it don’t come true.
Sorry. Birthday wish rules.
Oh, come on. Mother-daughter secret?
Mama, just drop it, please.
Oh. Oh, okay.
Hey, come on.
We’ve got some cats to catch.
♪ ♪
DOG: Birthday wish rules? What’s that mean?
It means I am not telling you my wish.
He doesn’t want to tell us, because it’s something stupid.
Like conditioner for that thing on his face.
It’s distinguished.
What about you, Kitty? What are you gonna wish for?
Can’t tell you.
Birthday wish rules or whatever.
Ha! I bet your wish is something stupid like…
(grunts)
(gasping)
(Kitty laughs)
You’re such a…
(Kitty yowling)
(gasps) This must be the Pocket Full of Posies.
(grunting, gasping)
Out of the way, demon flower.
It’s pruning time!
(yelling, grunting)
(Kitty yelling in Spanish)
(sniffs)
(flower squeals)
Aw, thank you.
(both screaming)
We don’t have time for this.
Perro, I thought your path was supposed to be easy.
(sniffs)
(flower squeals)
You know, I think all you have to do is stop and smell the roses.
Seriously? (groans)
(both sniff)
This is stupid.
All I smell is bull…
Shh.
Watch.
(sniffs, exhales)
(Kitty and Puss scream, grunt)
Don’t rush through it.
Take your time and really appreciate what’s right in front of you.
(sniffs)
(flowers squeal)
KITTY: Ugh. His path is so corny.
Gracias.
And cheesy.
And lame.
And weird, like him.
Yeah. Why are you so ridiculous, dog?
What’s your story?
My story? Oh.
It’s actually a very funny story. (laughs)
Back when I was a pup,
me and my littermates lived with a family.
A family full of pranksters who liked to play hide-and-seek, and I was always it.
Pick on the little guy, am I right? (sniffs)
They tried putting me in a packing crate, a dumpster.
No matter how hard they tried, I’d always find them.
So, one day, they get creative and they put me in a sock with a rock in it.
(laughs)
And then throw me in a river.
I gnawed a hole in the sock, and I swam to the surface.
Never found them or my littermates.
So I guess I’m still it.
(laughs)
Wow.
That is the saddest funny story I’ve ever heard.
Well, joke’s on them.
That sock they put me in, I grew into it.
So, I got a great story and a free sweater out of it.
Win-win.
Dude, you didn’t win.
You of all people should have a wish.
I already have a comfy sweater and two best friends.
I got everything I could wish for.
No magic required.
(Puss scoffs)
Hmm?
(all sniff)
(flowers squealing)
DOG: Oh, lovely.
♪ ♪
(sniffing)
Oh, we’re getting really close.
I can smell two cats, a dog and… (sniffs) pie?
Well, if it isn’t the idiots who tried to steal from me.
Hey, he remembers us.
Behold, Excali…
Excali…
(grunts) Excalibur!
Yeah, I couldn’t get this rock off of it, but still pretty cool, right?
MAMA: He’s gaining on us!
JACK HORNER: Okay, little left.
That’s it!
Go faster!
Whoa, he’s up me back door.
(yells)
(distorted yelling)
(distorted): Goldi!
(yelling, grunting)
(laughs)
JACK HORNER: Oh, look!
(horses neighing)
Well, start chopping!
On it! You don’t have to tell me twice.
I’m gonna chop the heck out of this Ficus lyra…
Jerry, no!
Avenge me, Jack!
Die, die, die!
(yells)
(yells, whoops)
Nope.
Time to bring out the big guns.
(chuckling): Guess I overpacked.
Magic snacks.
Save those for later.
Ha! Pay dirt.
All right, magical locust, defoliate.
Fly and feast.
Eat those flowers.
I-I’m not a magic locust.
Why, I’m not a locust at all.
What are you, then? Some sort of demon grasshopper?
A deadly fairy?
(screaming)
Put a spell on the forest, then.
I-I don’t cast spells.
Well, what do you do?
Well, I-I-I judge you.
I sit on your shoulder and judge your actions and the quality of your character.
I’m your conscience.
I really did overpack.
(screams)
JACK HORNER: Whoa!
Help me, Jack! Help!
Aren’t you gonna help him, Jack?
You’re losing a lot of men.
I’m not really stressing about the manpower.
I’ve got a bottomless bag of magic weapons.
These babies are gonna get me that wish even after the whole team is dead and gone.
Now, now, Jack, as your conscience, I…
(squawks)
Oh, my word!
It’s the noble phoenix.
She’s the symbol of rebirth and the eternal…
(flame whooshing)
Oh!
(laughing)
Pretty boss flamethrower, right?
I really have my work cut out for me on this one.
JACK HORNER: Don’t be near where I’m flame-throwing.
(Puss chuckles)
PUSS: Do your job, demon flowers.
Soon.
(groans)
Okay, Kitty, I think I’ve got it now.
(straining)
Trust me! (whimpers)
KITTY: Easy, easy.
You’re gonna give yourself a hernia.
Here, one more time. Like this.
(echoing): Trust me.
Aw. But of course I trust you and Puss, even without the eyes.
Yeah? Big mistake.
What do you mean? You’re my friends.
You know what trust gets you?
A sock, a rock and a swim in the river.
You have to trust somebody, right?
Not me. Uh-uh.
Whenever I’ve let my guard down, I’ve been double-crossed, declawed, played and betrayed.
Never again.
I am a solo act.
I keep my secrets, and I play my cards close.
That’s how you get a winning hand.
Take it from me.
Never trust anyone.
W-Wait.
That’s amazing. (gasps)
You’re good.
(clears throat) Kitty, I’ve been thinking.
Ugh, thinking about what?
My beautiful beard.
It is very distinguished, yes,
but it does deprive the world a good look at, uh, the face.
So, if it will make you happy, I could be convinced to…
I’ve gotten used to it.
Wait, what?
The beard… keep it.
Uh, well, you see, uh… (chuckles, sobs)
Kitty, please, get this itchy thing off of me!
It’s like a fever on my face!
Hold on. Is the great Puss in Boots asking for help?
Sí, help. You were right.
The beard is disgusting.
And?
And it’s like a possum crawled on my face.
And?
And died of shame.
Okay, okay, possum face.
I won’t make you beg.
(grunts)
Ow! (grunts)
Hey, slow down. Oh!
Go with the grain.
You got to go with the grain.
I know what I’m doing.
Hey!
I’m a master of the blade. Right, Perrito?
(laughing)
What? What? What’s funny?
Nothing should be funny.
KITTY: Shh. Quieto.
Ah, there’s that handsome face I remember.
The face I haven’t seen since…
Hey!
…Santa Coloma.
Ah, yes. Santa Coloma.
You had it coming.
Here. You can have my gatito blade.
Thank you.
Better than a stick.
Vaya con Dios, stick sword.
(yelps)
(yapping)
Perro, what are you doing?
Perro. (whistles)
Where did that crazy dog go?
(singsongy): I think you like him.
No. No, I don’t.
(singsongy): I think you’re ready to name him.
No, I just need his easy path to get my wish.
You mean my wish.
JACK HORNER: You mean my wish!
Sorry.
(horses neighing)
(Baker’s Dozen grunting fiercely)
The Baker’s Dozen.
Let him go.
Oh, I don’t know. I might keep him.
Would you like a treat?
Nice granny bag, Little Jack.
It’s not a granny bag.
It is a magic nanny bag.
Now, make with the map, or we’ll see what the unicorn horn really does.
(whimpers)
(Puss gasps)
Y-Y-You’re not gonna shoot a puppy, are you, Jack?
Yeah, in the face. Why?
(yelling)
What the…
Give us the map, or else the baker man gets it.
BABY: Yeah!
I don’t even have the map, Little Bo Creep.
(yells, grunts)
Stop throwing my men at me!
(screams)
Come here!
Puss in Boots has the map!
Let’s get him!
(Goldi yelling)
(all yelling)
(gulps)
I’ve got a plan.
First one to the dog gets the wish! (yells)
What?
Oh, come on!
(yelling)
(distorted grunting)
(laughs)
(grunts fiercely)
(gasps)
(yowls)
(growls)
(screaming)
Steady.
(yelling, grunting)
Whoa!
(gasps)
(noisemaker blares)
(spits) What?
(laughing)
So that’s what they do. Cool.
No! Not cool.
Ah, you shot me.
(noisemaker blares)
Ah, the sight’s off.
(sneezes)
I got him, Mr. Horner!
JACK HORNER: My bad.
Oh, no.
(high-pitched ringing)
(muffled thudding)
(wolf whistling)
(heart thumping rapidly)
(gasps)
Puss, wait!
Perro.
(grunts)
Thanks for the map, Softpaws.
(gasps)
(rumbling)
No, no, no!
No!
Oi! You’ve just been crimed by the Three Bears Crime Family.
Yeah!
So long, you plonkers!
!Los voy hacer a todos alfombras de baño!
(groans) Puss, where are you?
(panting)
(screams)
Puss? Puss?
(gasps) Puss!
(panting)
(heart thumping rapidly)
Puss.
(muffled): What’s wrong?
(heartbeat and panting slowing down)
♪ ♪
(taking slow, deep breaths)
(sighs)
Thank you, Perrito.
What’s going on with you, Puss?
I…
I am down to my last life.
And, uh, I… I am afraid.
Well, it’s okay to be afraid.
No, not for Puss in Boots.
I-I’m supposed to be a fearless hero.
A legend.
But without lives to spare, I am nothing.
I need that wish to get my lives back.
You should tell Kitty.
She would understa…
No, no, no, no.
She cannot hear of this.
Okay.
(groans)
¿Adónde fueron ese idiota y su perro?
PUSS: Kitty will never trust me again.
Not after Santa Coloma.
But that’s just one bad heist.
Santa Coloma wasn’t a heist, Perrito.
It was a church, with a priest and guests.
And Kitty.
(bell tolls)
Everything but me.
I ran away then, too.
Oh. Oh.
(gasps) Oh!
You left her at the altar?
It was wrong. I know.
I am ashamed.
I just wish I hadn’t hurt her so badly.
I regret that day.
So, maybe you should tell that to Kitty.
Might make you feel better.
Might make her feel better, too.
Puss! Dog!
Oh, there you are.
What happened back there?
Kitty. I lost the map.
I messed up.
We’ll get it back.
We’ve been in worse pickles.
(grunts) Who told you that name?
What name?
Uh, nothing.
The bears! We have to find them before they find the star.
GOLDI: Oh! We are so close.
It’s finally happening.
I can taste that wish now.
And you know what it tastes like?
Pies?
♪ Pies ♪
♪ Who ate all the pies? Who ate all the pies? ♪
♪ We did, we did, we did, we did ♪
♪ We ate all the pies. ♪
(laughter)
Oh, it’s gonna be wicked.
Yeah. Imagine us, a big-time crime syndicate.
Not a big-time crime syndicate, love.
A big-time crime family.
Isn’t that right, Goldi?
Goldi?
What?
Whoa! Hey, look, the map is going all fizzly.
BABY: What did you do?
Give it me. No, no, no, no.
Hey!
(Goldi growls)
(Baby yells)
BABY: Goldi, no biting!
(pained yelling)
(Goldi sighs)
You’re the smash, I’m the grab.
I hold the map.
You got it?
(choking): Okay!
(grunts)
GOLDI: “To find your wish, adjust your view.
What you seek may be right in front of you.”
Well, that’s a load of rubbish. What’s that supposed to mean?
(gasps)
BABY: Right in front of us.
MAMA: It looks like our cabin back home.
GOLDI: You really think our cabin
is in the middle of the Dark Forest?
Baby, give it the old sniff test.
(sniffs) Something’s cooking.
(Papa and Baby chuckling)
No.
Do not open that door.
(Mama gasps)
We are home! Hello, door.
Oh, no, don’t go insi… (groans)
Maybe just a quick pop in.
Hello, chairs.
What say we hibernate?
Hello, honey.
Hello, my old friend.
I have missed you so…
(snoring)
Look, Goldi. Porridge. (sniffs)
And it’s made just the way you like it.
No matter how you make it, she doesn’t like it.
Stop it, all of you.
Maybe our wishes have been granted.
Just stop. It’s not our wish granted.
It’s an obstacle.
It’s the forest playing tricks.
This isn’t real. None of this is…
Aw. That was your favorite book.
You used to stare at it for hours.
(young Goldi humming a tune)
(gasps)
(laughing)
(grunts)
Too hard.
(grunts) Whoop!
(chuckles)
Too soft.
(grunting)
Just right.
Oh, this was it.
What was it, Mama?
The day a little orphan girl broke into our cabin and stole our hearts.
(yelps, whimpers)
The day when our world became just right.
How’s it going? Can you see anything up there?
Not yet, Perrito… (yells)
You okay?
Sí, I am good.
(chuckling): So good.
(screams, grunts)
(panting)
If you wanted to hold my hand, all you had to do is ask.
Uh, just, uh, feel free to pull me up whenever you get a chance.
Oh, I was just remembering
the last time I offered you my hand.
Only, that time, I believe you had cold feet.
(chuckles)
Kitty…
(sighs)
About that day.
Puss in Boots is not supposed to be afraid.
But outside that church in Santa Coloma, that was the first time I ever felt fear.
So I ran.
It was a mistake, Kitty.
It’s okay.
No, no. It was cowardly.
It’s okay.
You alone at the altar.
Puss.
In your beautiful, poofy wedding dress.
Puss! It’s okay.
I didn’t show up, either.
Wait, what?
What do you mean, you didn’t show up?
Well, I knew I could never compete with your one true love.
Who?
Yourself.
The legend.
Uh…
I wasn’t gonna show up for that guy.
But you don’t seem like that guy anymore.
Everything okay up there?
I’m giving you a thumbs-up, just so you know.
KITTY: Puss!
Look.
What do you think, bug?
Do I wait for the cats to steal the map and then kill them, or do I just kill everybody all at once?
You know, I’m starting to think you don’t appreciate the value of a life.
What? No.
I mean, I love these guys.
(screaming, groaning)
Flex the glutes. I need a solid surface.
There’s good in all people. There’s good in all people.
You know, Jack, maybe we need to dig a little deeper.
T-Tell me about your childhood.
(sighs)
You know, I never had much as a kid.
Just loving parents and stability and a mansion and a thriving baked goods enterprise for me to inherit.
Useless crap like that.
But once I get my wish, I’ll finally have the one thing that will make me happy.
Oh, well, what’s that?
All of the magic in the world.
(laughing maniacally)
For me.
And no one else gets any.
Is that so much?
Yes!
Agree to disagree.
All right, bring it over.
(horses neighing)
(yelling, groaning)
(screaming)
Help!
Sweet Mother of Goose, Jack!
Well, you know what they say.
Can’t bake a pie without losing a dozen men.
(chuckles)
Oh. Oh!
That was horrible.
Your wish is horrible.
You’re horrible!
You’re an irredeemable monster!
Oh, oh. What took you so long, idiot?
(screams)
(sighs)
You’re not chatty, are you?
Mm-mm.
Okay, you take the window, I’ll take the chimney.
What do I take?
Oh, you take it easy, Perrito.
We need you to stay here and, uh…
Uh, uh, guard our rear.
Yeah. Yeah.
On your six. Got your rears eyeballed and covered.
Hands in, crew.
Ready?
Go, Team Friendship!
Team Friendship?
I did not agree to this.
Yeah, do better. Try harder.
Well, just a placeholder name, you know.
I’ll workshop it, okay?
Go get ’em, tiger.
Hey!
Take it easy.
(Kitty chuckling)
(snoring)
Ready to get our wish back?
“Our wish”?
Well, I’ve been thinking, if you play your cards right, maybe we could share the wish.
Share the wish.
(snoring)
(grunts)
(chuckles, yelps)
(sighs)
(gasps) It’s gone!
(screams)
Wake up.
Someone’s nicked the map.
What’s all this? What’s all this bother about?
Oi! Did you not hear her?
The map is missing.
Somebody took it.
Hola.
Oi! You criming us when we just crimed you?
No, no crime-backs.
Oh, you’re dead cat meat.
(Goldi grunts)
Okay, okay, okay.
It’s all… yours!
Nowhere to go, Softpaws.
Really? Let’s see what the map has to say.
(rumbling)
No!
Our cabin!
BABY: My honey!
What the dickens?
Oh, no, you don’t. (yells)
(gasps) Oh, no.
(all grunting)
(yelps, grunts)
We’re coming, Gol… (groans)
I’ll get it. I’ll get it.
Get off me, you big lump.
Hold still.
Hold on! I’m coming, Team… (screams)
(muffled yelling)
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry!
(growling)
PUSS: Uh-oh.
Shall we dance? I’ll lead.
Huh? Wha…
Aah! Too hot!
Aah! Too cold! Brain freeze.
(grunts)
Oh, that is just right.
(yells)
(grunting)
(grunting)
Aye? What the…
♪ ♪
No!
(both yelling)
GOLDI: Oi! Forget something?
(both gasp)
(whimpering)
They got Perrito!
Don’t worry, we can track them with this.
Wait, stop!
(rumbling)
(screaming)
Puss, watch out!
Kitty!
Puss!
Look!
There, there they are. Just out there.
You go get Perrito. I’ll find a way out of here.
♪ ♪
PUSS’S VOICE: Puss.
Hey, good-looking.
(screams) What is that?
Why so jumpy, amigo?
Whoa, what’s happening?
Hello, Puss. Gazpacho?
Long time, no see.
Always a pleasure to see me. (yowls)
♪ Hola, number nine. ♪
It’s a proper party now that all nine of us are here.
Yeah!
! Sí! Fiesta!
(laughter)
You know what? (exhales)
(slurring): I love you guys.
So, you are my former lives?
Reflections of the good old days.
Okay.
Back when we were larger than life.
A legend.
We dance.
♪ We sing. ♪
We are strong.
ALL: Like the bull.
Numero nueve, you remember this one?
♪ Who is your favorite fearless hero? ♪
♪ Who is your ♪
ALL: ♪ Favorite fearless hero? ♪
PAPA: Well, that’s it. Game over, innit?
Them cats stole the stolen map we stole, and we ended up with diddly-squat… nothing.
Or maybe we could be happy without a wish.
What are we doing? They ain’t coming back.
Goodbye, purple trousers.
Oh, they’ll come back… for him.
You’re darn tootin’.
Puss and Kitty always rescue me when I’m kidnapped…
Which happens a lot… ’cause we’re a team.
Aw, that’s lovely.
Yep.
Team Friendship.
Ugh. No! That is a crap name.
Well, we’re-we’re… we’re still workshopping it.
Oh, them cats ain’t gonna risk their lives for this daft little pup.
You’re just saying that because you want to eat ‘im.
I do not. I just want to pet him with my teeth.
Stop thinking about your belly, Baby.
In fact, stop thinking, period.
You’ll just hurt yourself, you muppet.
(laughing): “Muppet.”
And why would I listen to a porridge-stealing orphan like you?
You’re not even a bear.
Zing!
(laughs) I’m more of a bear than you are.
She got you.
You’re nothing but a low-rent Cinderella.
Oh!
Well, that’s rich coming from you, Baby, ’cause you know what you are?
Wait for it.
You’re a daft, fat, slow-thinking, no-reading, Lyme-diseased, flea-ridden dingleberry bear.
Boom!
I haven’t got dingleberries.
No, you do. You do have ’em.
(laughing): Dingleberries!
Oi! You shut up, you little mutt, or I’ll cut you from pooper to snooter!
Perrito: (gasps) I’m in the mix now. Okay! Okay, here we go. You’re all a bunch of knuckle-dragging, honey-scrounging, grub ****, oafish ****, **** munching, mangy **** nugget, ****, and your snooter! (laughs)
(laughs) I like the cut of his jib.
Ah, this is great.
Razzin’ and ribbin’ and barbin’ and poopin’ and snootin’.
Oh, I wish I had a family like this. (sighs)
Speaking from one orphan to another, Goldi, you won the orphan lottery.
I like his jib as well.
Let’s keep him. (gasps)
What?
PAPA: Huh? Where’d he go?
No! We said no crime-backs.
No, Baby, wait!
Ow! Not the bees!
♪ The legend will never die… ♪
♪ Da-da-da-dun. ♪
Bravo!
(cheering, laughter)
One more number.
(chuckling): No, no, sorry, fellas.
This has been fun, huh?
Yeah, but could you tell me how to get out of here?
I’ve got to get back to Dog and Kitty.
Whoa! I thought you were going to get the wish.
You got the map. You don’t need them.
Yeah, get those lives back.
Become the legend again, town to town.
(crowd chanting “Puss in Boots!”)
Party to party.
(jovial chatter, cheering)
Puss in Boots walks alone.
Yeah, Puss in Boots walks alone.
Was the legend so big there was no room for anyone else?
Oh, the legend’s still big, gato.
It’s you that got small.
Yeah, you changed, man.
I hear he’s best friends with a dog now.
And he doesn’t even have a sword.
(laughs) Some hero.
You’ve become a scaredy-cat.
We should call him Wuss in Boots.
Ah, no, no, no, no.
(laughter)
Didn’t you hear? His new name is Pickles.
So lame.
(laughter)
Where is your litter box, Pickles?
You know what? You guys are jerks.
Which is very conflicting for me.
I’ll find my own way out. Adios.
Oh, you think you are better than us?
Without us, you will always live a life of…
Fear.
You.
I do love the smell of fear.
(sniffs) It’s intoxicating.
(hiccups) It is?
Sorry to crash the party with your past lives.
(chuckling): Or your past deaths, as I like to call them.
(echoing): I was there to witness all of them.
Each frivolous end.
But you didn’t even notice me because Puss in Boots laughs in the face of death, right?
But you’re not laughing now.
You are no bounty hunter.
You are…
Death.
And I don’t mean it metaphorically or rhetorically or poetically or theoretically or in any other fancy way.
I’m Death, straight up.
And I’ve come for you, Puss in Boots.
But I’m still alive.
(chuckles) You know…
(inhales sharply) I’m not a cat person.
I find the very idea of nine lives absurd.
And you didn’t value any of them.
So, why don’t I do us both a favor and take this last one now?
That’s cheating!
Shh. Don’t tell.
Run, Puss in Boots!
Make the wish!
(gasps)
Go ahead, run for it.
Makes it more fun for me. (growls)
♪ ♪
(panting)
(laughing)
(laughing continues)
(growls)
(screams)
Run.
(laughing continues)
Run.
Hey, Puss.
(panting)
WOLF: Run.
Puss! Puss, we’re here!
Wh-Where’s he going?
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
GOLDI: That’s the third time we’ve passed that same rock, Baby.
Oh, not again.
What do you want me to do?
I’ve lost the scent.
You only have one job.
The one thing that makes you mildly useful is your nose, and apparently, you can’t even use that.
Goldi.
I’m starting to think this wish isn’t what you promised us.
Leave off, Baby.
So, what is it, eh?
What’s your “just right”? What’s so blasted important that you’ve got us stranded in this haunted forest?
I’m getting a family! That’s what.
A proper family.
Then everything will be just right.
Your “just right” is getting rid of us?
Well, I guess some people just stick around until the porridge is gone, eh, Goldi?
Come on.
You didn’t think I would actually stay.
I’m not a bear.
(whooshing)
I was always afraid it was too good to last.
And whether you think we’re your family or not, if this is something that will make you happy, we’ll get you that wish.
Come on, boys.
(chuckling): Oh, what a good boy am I.
“Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight, I wish…”
I can’t believe I fell for it again.
Kitty, you don’t understand.
Don’t understand what?
That you’ve been playing me this whole time?
I need this wish.
Oh, yeah? You want to know what my wish was?
Someone, anyone I could trust.
Hey!
In my whole life, I’ve never had that.
But I thought I finally found that someone without a wish.
I thought it was you.
But you’re still running.
Still the same old Puss in Boots.
But I am not! I am not Puss in Boots.
I’m… (sighs)
I am on my last life.
I need to get my lives back.
Without them, I am not… I-I am not…
What? The legend?
(chuckles)
I still can’t compete with your one true love.
Go on, get your lives back.
(grunts)
Just keep them out of mine.
(whimpering)
Kitty, Death is after me!
What?
JACK HORNER: I’ve been called a lot of things… but never Death.
I like it.
That’s my wish!
MAMA: Oi!
That’s Goldi’s wish.
(growling)
♪ ♪
(growls)
(knuckles crack)
(growls)
(yells)
(growls)
(all yelling)
PAPA: Grab him!
JACK HORNER: Move! Out of my way!
I’ve got it! I’ve got it! Don’t got it.
(all grunting)
JACK HORNER: That’s mine.
(whooshing, rumbling)
Bang, bang, bang!
(grunting)
Oh, come on. You walked into that one.
(grunts, yelps)
Mr. Horner, I need your help!
Duly noted, but a little busy at the moment.
Pew, pew!
Mr. Horner!
(growling)
(grunting)
(all grunting)
(Kitty screeches)
Ooh.
Aha! It’s bear season.
(grunts)
Oi, I’m gonna bust you up, plum thumb, and then I’m gonna wear your clothes.
That was weird.
(screams)
(Jack Horner laughing)
(whimpering): No, no, no…
Baby!
Mama, help!
I got you!
BABY: Papa!
Son, I’m coming!
Got you.
Help!
MAMA: Hold on!
BABY: Something’s happening!
Help me!
Help! No, no, no!
Hang on, son!
I can’t stop it!
Mama, I’m slipping!
I’m slipping… (screams)
(screaming)
Like I told you, Baby, you’re the smash, I’m the grab.
Yes! Yes!
(grunts)
(chuckles)
PUSS: No!
(straining)
(laughs)
(Kitty yells)
(frustrated groan)
Hey, Softpaws, how do you like these apples?
Die! Blow up already.
Softpaws.
(groans)
(yells)
(grunts) Okay.
Okay, you know, maybe it’s time to bury the hatchet!
(grunts)
Oh, I shouldn’t have telegraphed it!
(yaps)
Yeah, I don’t know what to do with this, but if you think you need those lives…
Thank you, Perrito.
You know, I’ve only ever had one life, but sharing it with you and Kitty has made it pretty special.
Maybe one life is enough.
(wolf whistling)
(gasps)
Huh?
What is that?
(whistling continues)
Who’s that?
He’s here for me.
(grunts) Puss!
I’ve enjoyed the chase, gato, but I think we’ve reached the end now, you and I.
You gonna take the coward’s way out?
Run away to more lives?
Or are you gonna fight?
Pick it up.
Go on, pick it up.
♪ ♪
WOLF: What’s the matter?
Lives flashing before your eyes?
No.
Just one.
I’m done running.
Fear me, if you dare.
(chuckles) This is gonna be fun.
(snarls)
(grunts)
(Puss grunting)
(straining)
Bien.
Muy bien.
(wolf clicking tongue)
You really got to stop losing that.
(gasps)
(wolf grunts)
Say hello to my gatito blade.
(grunting fiercely)
Come on!
(grunts)
(gasps)
Pick it up.
(sighs) I know I can never defeat you, lobo, but I will never stop fighting for this life.
(growls)
(growls viciously)
(yells in frustration)
¿Por qué diablos fui a jugar con mi comida?
(groans) You’re ruining this for me.
I came here for an arrogant little legend who thought he was immortal.
(sighs) But I don’t see him anymore.
(gasps softly)
♪ ♪
Live your life, Puss in Boots.
Live it well.
You know we will meet again, right?
Sí. Hasta la muerte.
(whistling)
(yipping, panting)
(chuckles)
KITTY: You know, when you said Death was after you, I thought you were just being melodramatic.
The wish is yours.
You deserve someone you can trust.
I don’t need it.
I’ve got what I wished for.
No magic required.
(rumbling)
(Jack Horner grunting)
(Jack Horner belches)
JACK HORNER: Ah, magic snacks.
(both gasp)
(Jack Horner laughing maniacally)
Holy frijoles.
I was worried for a second I would come out naked, but my clothes grew, too. Cool.
Thank you.
(both scream, grunt)
Gotcha.
The last wish.
It’s mine.
“Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight…”
(gasps)
PUSS: Perrito!
“I wish I may, I wish I might have this wish…” Huh?
PERRITO: Señor Horner!
Please don’t make that wish. Please?
(straining): Please?
Wh-What are you doing?
(straining): Please…
Seriously, are you having a hernia or something?
(straining): Pretty please…
They’re such pools of vulnerability.
(continues straining)
It’s so cute…
how you think that would work on me.
Don’t you know I’m dead inside?
By the way, your nose is bleeding.
Oh.
I was just buying some time for Team Friendship.
(grunts)
Team what?
(yells)
(all groan)
BOTH: Spanish Splinter!
Ow! (yelling in pain)
Hey!
What have you done? No!
The map. My wish.
MAMA: Go, go, go!
Whoa!
(grunts)
It’s mine.
(laughing)
Huh?
(stammering): You looking for something?
Consider this my resignation, mister.
(squawks)
What?
(yelps) What did I do to deserve this?
I mean, what specifically…?
(rumbling)
(whooshing)
(all oohing and aahing)
MAMA: Gorgeous.
I hate to say it, but should we make a wish?
Kitty, one life spent with you is all that I could wish for.
BABY (crying): You saved my life, sis.
You was gonna make the wish, but you didn’t make the wish ’cause you wanted to save your family.
(shushing)
And I-I was really scared.
And then… (sobbing)
Oi, don’t get so blubbery about it.
Whose porridge would I eat otherwise?
I’m sorry you didn’t get your wish, Goldi, love.
But I did, Mama.
I did get my wish.
Everything… is just right.
Oh.
Oh, now you’ve made me cry.
Aw.
Now, what say we all go home and hibernate?
Hey, Goldi, you are a chip off the old block, you are.
Well, what can I say?
I won the orphan lottery.
Softpaws, Boots.
Goldi.
Bears.
Hey, Baby, you got any ideas for our next job?
Oh! Remember that pie factory?
I suspect that they might be experiencing a leadership vacuum.
(chuckling): Oh, family business.
Oh, how exciting.
Now’s a good time to talk about ethical business practices.
There’s a talking cockroach on my nose!
Get it off! Get off!
GOLDI: Hold still.
BUG: Oh, no, no, wait just a second.
(Goldi grunting)
Ow! Hey! Hang on!
Hey, Perrito, about that name.
Let’s pick one out for you.
Yeah. Oh, what about “Chiquito”?
Hmm…
Ah. “Chomper.”
What do you think, Perrito?
“Chomper,” no?
I got it, I got it.
How about “Jeff”?
Jeff?
Yeah.
He doesn’t have a Jeff’s face.
(chuckling)
You know, if it’s the same to you, I think I’ll just stick with “Perrito.”
I kind of like it, since that’s what my friends call me.
Then “Perrito” it shall be.
(Puss chuckles softly)
PUSS: You know, to be honest, “Chomper” is pretty good.
PERRITO: Yeah, but no.
PUSS: Well, we’ll keep, uh, workshopping it.
(Puss chuckling)
GOVERNOR: I want this vacation to be perfect!
Did you remember to pack my captain’s hat?
Yes, Governor.
(squawks)
And your captain’s shoes, your captain’s coat and your captain’s pajamas.
And what about…
My boat!
Puss in Boots!
(panting)
PUSS: Perrito!
Team Friendship?
We did not agree to this.
Yeah, it makes us look ridiculous.
Too late now. It’s official.
(bird screeches)
Aah! Seagull! Whoa.
(all yell)
Steady as she goes, Perrito.
Dokey doke.
Perrito: Where are we headed, anyways?
Puss: Off to find new adventures and to see some old friends.
[We then see them sailing towards Far Far Away]
(“La Vida Es Una” by Karol G playing)
♪ El amor para mí no es cosa de un rato ♪
♪ Pa’ que pelamos por eso sino es pa’ tanto ♪
♪ Que tú presencia me cambia la suerte ♪
♪ Sí estamos bien, que bonito se siente ♪
♪ La vida es una, lo dice la muerte ♪
♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ Quiero que muevas tu cintura ♪
♪ Que la vida es una locura ♪
♪ Hula, hula ♪
♪ Hula, hula, hula, eh ♪
♪ Porque el día que falte na’ me llevo ♪
♪ Solo el amor que me dan mis viejo’ ♪
♪ Que hoy estoy, mañana no sabemos ♪
♪ Es como la estrella y su deseo ♪
♪ Quiero que muevas tu cintura ♪
♪ Que la vida es una locura ♪
♪ Hula, hula ♪
♪ Hula, hula, hula, eh ♪
♪ Quiero que muevas tu cintura ♪
♪ Que la vida es una locura ♪
♪ Hula, hula ♪
♪ Hula, hula, hula, eh ♪
♪ El amor para mí no es cosa de un rato ♪
♪ Pa’ que pelamos por eso ♪
♪ Si no es pa’ tanto ♪
♪ Que tú presencia me cambia la suerte ♪
♪ Sí estamos bien, que bonito se siente ♪
♪ La vida es una, lo dice la muerte ♪
♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ Quiero que muevas tu cintura ♪
♪ Que la vida es una locura ♪
♪ Hula, hula ♪
♪ Hula, hula, hula, eh ♪
♪ Quiero que muevas ♪
♪ Tu cintura ♪
♪ Que la vida es una locura ♪
♪ Hula, hula ♪
♪ Hula, hula, hula, eh ♪
♪ Porque el día que falte na’ me llevo ♪
♪ Solo el amor que me dan mis viejo’ ♪
♪ Que hoy estoy ♪
♪ Mañana no sabemos ♪
♪ Es como la estrella ♪
♪ Y su deseo. ♪
(song ends)
PUSS: Welcome to my fiesta!
(“Fearless Hero” playing)
Puss in Boots!
(laughs, whoops)
To more, a hero.
To all, a legend.
♪ Who’s brave and ready for trouble? ♪
♪ You are, you are ♪
Uh-huh!
♪ Who is so unbelievably humble? ♪
♪ You are, you are ♪
♪ Who’s the gato who rolls the dice? ♪
♪ You are, you are ♪
♪ And gambles with his life? ♪
♪ You are, you are ♪
♪ Who is your favorite fearless hero? ♪
♪ Who is your favorite ♪
♪ Fearless hero? ♪
♪ Puss in Boots ♪
(vocalizing)
♪ Puss in Boots ♪
Puss in Boots!
(laughs, whoops)
Puss in Boots!
♪ He’s the blade of justice ♪
♪ To more, a hero ♪
♪ Fighting for the people ♪
♪ To all, a legend ♪
♪ Puss in Boots ♪
♪ Puss in Boots? ♪
♪ Puss in Boots ♪
Puss in Boots!
(vocalizing)
I love that song.
Bravo! (laughs)
♪ Who’s ready for trouble? ♪
♪ You are, you are ♪
♪ Who’s unbelievably humble? ♪
♪ You are, you are ♪
♪ Who’s never been touched by a blade? ♪
♪ You are, you are ♪
♪ Puss in Boots is never afraid ♪
♪ You are, you are ♪
♪ Who is your favorite fearless hero? ♪
♪ Who is your favorite ♪
♪ Fearless hero? ♪
♪ Who is your favorite fearless hero? ♪
♪ Who is your favorite ♪
♪ Fearless hero? ♪
♪ Puss in Boots ♪
(vocalizing)
♪ Puss in Boots ♪
(vocalizing)
♪ Who is your favorite fearless hero? ♪
Puss in Boots!
(laughs, whoops)
♪ Puss in Boots ♪
(vocalizing)
♪ Puss in Boots ♪
(vocalizing)
♪ Who is your favorite fearless hero? ♪
(vocalizing)
(whooping, laughing)
(clears throat)
(song ends)
(“Por Qué Te Vas” by Gaby Moreno playing)
♪ ¿Por qué te vas? ♪
♪ Si tejimos tantos recuerdos ♪
♪ ¿Por qué te vas? ♪
♪ Cuando todo era tan perfecto ♪
♪ ¿Por qué te vas? ♪
♪ Si eres parte de mí ♪
♪ ¿Cómo seguire sin ti? ♪
♪ No se concebirlo ♪
♪ ¿Por qué te vas? ♪
♪ Si viajamos juntos al cielo ♪
♪ ¿Por qué te vas? ♪
♪ Si vivimos tanto sin miedo ♪
♪ ¿Por qué te vas? ♪
♪ Mi vida eres tú ♪
♪ Mi complice, la luz de mi ser ♪
♪ ¿Cómo vivir sin ti, mi amor? ♪
♪ Inútil es ♪
♪ ¿Por qué te vas? ♪
♪ Si era todo color de rosa ♪
♪ ¿Por qué te vas? ♪
♪ Una quimera, nuestra historia ♪
♪ ¿Por qué te vas? ♪
♪ Mis lagrimas son por ti ♪
♪ No me abandones así ♪
♪ Tú eres mi delirio ♪
♪ ¿Por qué te vas? ♪
♪ Si viajamos juntos al cielo ♪
♪ ¿Por qué te vas? ♪
♪ Si vivimos tanto sin miedo ♪
♪ ¿Por qué te vas? ♪
♪ Mi vida eres tú ♪
♪ Mi complice, la luz de mi ser ♪
♪ ¿Cómo vivir sin ti, mi amor? ♪
♪ Inútil es. ♪
(song ends)
PUSS: Oh, you’re still here?
(chuckling)
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