Transcripts 2003-11

Transcripts from November 2003 strips.
==November 3==
Panel 1Richard is shouting at Simons, who is holding standing on the front porch and holding a bullhorn.Richard: GOD DAMMIT! I KNOW WHO YOU'RE AFTER AND HE ISN'T HERE! I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM FOR DAYS SO GIVE IT A REST WILL YA?Panel 2Same as panel 1, but Richard only glares at Simons in silence.Panel 3Simons shouts through the bullhorn at Richard.Simons: DHERE IS NO NEED TA SHOUT SIR!
==November 7==
Panel 1Line art only, no colour. Simons leaves the house and speaks to the senior officer about his findings.Simons: Gates ain't dere sir! I guess de's buggered off ta avoid us. De's got wise from hen we nicked him last year!Senior: *sigh* Very well Simons. I very much doubt we could have used the terrorism laws to keep him locked up again! THAT plan didn't work last year anyway!Simons (thinking): Cretin!Panel 2Fat Lez speaks to Simons, who shrugs with a grin.Fat Lez: Well this was a waste of time! But then everyone but the governor knew it would be! So... what have you got planned Vic?Simons: 'ell I was dhinking of getting Gates without dat college boy taking all the credit! Ya common' Lez?Panel 3Close-up of a grinning Simons with Fat Lez in the background, his uniform stretched to the edge of busting.Fat Lez: Take Gates on by ourselves? Does it look like I've gone crazy to you?Simons: No, ya just look like ya cased a national pie shortage Lez!Fat Lez: Oh I hope he kills you slowly Vic!
==November 10==
Single PanelSimons is in a patrol car, driving along while smoking.Simons (thinking): Ah crap! It's getting dark already! I hate this time of year! Also taking the piss out of Lez was stupid. I could really use his help on this one. I've never known anyone use their own gut as an offensive weapon like he does!Simons (thinking): Out of all the martial arts out there, you wouldn't think sumo would be so effective in a bar fight would you?
==November 14==
Panel 1Simons steps out of his patrol car and looks away from the camera, at the condemned Britannia Pub on his right and the Bennet Homes sign on his left.Simons (thinking): God, I'd hope to see the last of the Britannia when this housing place took the docks over and shut it down! But this is where that tip-off said Gates would be! I better call this in!Panel 2Simons holds a walkie to his face and speaks into it. The camera is rotated 180 degrees from panel 1 to show the patrol car and a building with a "T&H" sign on it behind Simons.Simons: Sue, it's Vic! I'm just gonna 'ave a butchers at the Brihannia! Looks like kids are 'rying to burn it down again!Panel 3Simons is slightly silhouetted against the dimming night sky barely visible through a hole he is climbing through. The pub's interior is dark except for faint outlines of debris within.Sue (transmission): Okay Victor! Have fun! Oh and the Gov said you might want to let them torch the place, as it'll cut our workload in half!
==November 17==
Panel 1Simons is leaning into a halfway boarded-up window, his backend flailing as he struggles to get inside.Simons (thinking): Dammit!Simons (thinking): I can think of better things to do on a Wednesday evening than break into an abandoned pub used by crack-heads!Panel 2Pitch black, with only faint outlines of Simons among barstools and background items.Simons (thinking): Bloody hell! It's pitch black in here! God where's that torch! I don't want a junky getting the drop on me!Panel 3Simons has the torch on, shining under his face. A Norman-shaped silhouette is behind him, ominously raising a claw hammer.Simons (thinking): That's better!
==November 21==
Single PanelSimons flinches as the Norman-impostor is stunned by an evilly grinning Norman's cattle prod with a "BIZZERT!"
==November 24==
Panel 1Simons holds up the torch to Norman's face and his own. Norman looks away with a sarcastic, toothy deadpan.Simons: Right! What da fuck is going on dere? And didn' I tell ya ta toss dat cattle prod?Norman: "Why thanks for saving me Norman! If you weren't there, I would be wearing a claw hammer in my head right now!"Panel 2Close-up of the Norman-impostor on the ground, groaning. Simons has a boot on his shoulder. Norman's leg is partly in the shot.Simons: Bah! Ya get gratitude if ya didn't call me 'ere in da first place! Who's ya new bum chum anyways?Norman: My doppelganger? Don't know him myself.Impostor: OOooooOO!Norman: However I do know he's meant to look like me!Panel 3Simons looks down at the impostor, while Norman glares at Simons angrily.Simons: Look like you? From a distance maybe. He's not ugly enough ta pass off as you!
==November 28==
Panel 1Simons looks down. Norman is behind him, hefting the cattle prod over his shoulder.Simons: Excluding you developing some 'ort of twisted fan club, why would anyone wanna imitate ya anyways? What's da point in dat?Norman: Simple Vic! Insurance fraud!Panel 2Close-up of Norman's glaring eyes.Norman: Picture the scene: You're a property developer that just bought up a load of old dock land for a pittance from the council when the old lease ran out. In the middle of your planned shit-storm of yuppie riverside homes is this old, listed pub! You buy THAT up too and hope to do it up. Oops, you find it's a magnet for all the pushers and junkies in the area! Not something you want around your shiny new homes you want to sell is it? Pull it down? You can't! How about you pay some nobody to pretend to be one of the known locals and torch the place? You get rid of the pub, bag the insurance money while you fuck-wit cops blame ME for it!
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