The Book of Holiday Humor

This book, created for ages 6-19, is a collection of singable parody poems (that replace the old lyrics of a song with new, zany lyrics) and wacky tales.
== The Intro ==
When you think of "holiday," do you think of Christmas (if you're in North America) or summer vacation (if you're in the UK (including Northern Ireland,) The Emerald Isle, New Zealand or even down under?) If so, think again! Holiday humor is a special kind of magic to make you laugh and feel festive no matter what special day it is; whether it's cracking up on Canada Day or making mirth and merriment on Memorial Day, this book was created for YOU because holidays are fun for everyone-not just for kids and not just for Yuletide!
== Chapter 1: Parody Poems ==
These poems have zany lyrics to sing; you must sing each poem to the melody of a different song.
=== The Holiday Humor Anthem ===
(Sing this to "Deck the Halls.")
* Deck the halls with goofy pranks,
* Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!
* 'Tis the season for funny thanks,
* Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!
* Pies in faces, whoopie cushions,
* Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la!
* Laughing hard, no time for hushin',
* Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!
* Oh, we love this joyful time!
* Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!
* Lots of laughter, so sublime!
* Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!
* Holiday humor, let's unite!
* Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la!
* Making memories, day and night!
* Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!
=== Humor Sells ===
(Sing this to "Jingle Bells.")
* Jingle bells, humor sells, chuckling every day!
* Oh, what fun it is to sing a kooky carol today!
* Hilarious tricks like "Kiss Me Quick!"
* Signs upon our backs...
* Are you ready? Are you set for festive laugh attacks?
=== Freddey the Reindeer ===
(Sing this to "Frosty the Snowman.")
* Freddey the Reindeer was a super cheery soul;
* He liked ice cream and icicles as well as campfires from coal.
* "Freddey the Reindeer is a fantasy," you'd say;
* He was made of fur-oh yes, for sure!
* Here is how he came today:
* There was a lot of magic in his antlers super-big;
* Whenever we would LOL, he'd do a zany jig!
* Freddey the Reindeer knew that stuffing made him toot,
* But we love him despite the air from his butt 'cause he's handsome and so cute!
=== 8 Evenings of Hanukkah ===
(Sing this to "12 Days of Christmas.")
* For the 8 evenings of Hanukkah, somebody sent to me:
* 8 buttery bagels,
* 7 twirling dreidels,
* 6 bright menorahs,
* 5 friends of mine!
* Aba, my dad
* Ima, my mom,
* Bubbe, my grandma...
* And my grandpa, Zadie, chuckling with glee!
=== Twirly Top ===
(Sing this to "Svivon.")
* Twirly top, whirl, whirl, whirl!
* Fun for guys and so much fun for a girl!
* Fun for girls and so much fun for a guy!
* Twirly top of blue and white.
* As you spin, you set the scene;
* 8 nights of fun for you and me!
* As you go 360 degrees,
* You're having fun with my family!
=== I've Got a Special Present ===
(Sing this to "The Dreidel Song.")
* I've got a special present; I made it just for you.
* It's got a lot of love and it's made with kindness, too!
* Remember to say "thank you" when you receive my gift;
* By the way, remember to also give a hug and a kiss!
== Chapter 2: Wacky Tales of Holiday Fun! ==
These stories are designed to be festive while making you laugh and feel happy.
=== The Stoics' Family Holiday Road Trip ===
One winter evening, Mr. Stoic and Uncle Stoic unexcitedly said, "Please fasten your seatbelts; we are going glamping." The Stoic brothers emotionlessly replied, "That's truly exciting, but we may trespass in the forest and carol to disturb the owls." Mr. Stoic monotonously replied, "Do not worry, boys; we will be in an avian-free lodge." As the van's wheels rolled, the Stoic boys slept in the backseat as they both dreamt of the fun they were going to have. When the boys got up, everybody unbuckled their seatbelts and went to their avian-free lodge. Mr. Stoic shared sensible science facts, leaving Uncle Stoic and the Stoic boys intrigued; Uncle Stoic said, with his straightest face, "Science is fun." The Stoic boys replied, with frozen-solid faces, "Yep; indubitably, science can be fun." The wind blew and snowflakes whirled, but the Stoics were still feeling fine in their lodge. Despite the challenging weather conditions, the Stoics continued their holiday road trip with unwavering stoicism. They embarked on a hike and got great exercise, but they always had maturity due to their composed demeanor. After the hike, everybody packed up and went all the way home, wondering about next year.
=== Madison And The Festive Fart Machine ===
On Christmas vacation in Sarasota, Florida, Madison and her parents, Mr. and Mrs. Papadopolous, went shopping at Whoozitwhatzit, a comically candy-coloured novelty gag store that stored stores of quirky toys like Tee-Hee Pens, which were scented glitter jelly pens that giggled when clicked and even Whoopie Toot Talkers, which were battery-powered, talking whoopie cushions with remotes that tooted, then spoke a wacky line whenever they got activated. Madison, intrigued by the assortment of novelty toys, discovered a rare device tucked away on a shelf in Whoozitwhatzit: a silver, gold and green box called "The Festive Fart Machine." When its button got pushed, it tooted various holiday songs, from common Christmas carols to the kids' Easter favourite, "Peter Cottontail." As Madison went back to the Lump hotel, she plugged her glitter kitty ear headphones and hummed along to the gaseous, flatulent renditions of classic Christmas tunes like "Have A Holly Jolly Christmas" and spooky Halloween melodies like "Ghostbusters." When vacation was over, Madison hopped on the plane with her parents, plugged in her headphones and beautifully hummed some Easter hymns complete with flatulence. Meanwhile, back at the airport, Madison was humming a pretty rendition of Irving Berlin's hit song, "Easter Parade," also known perennially as "Smile and Show Your Dimple" as she waited for her family's luggage. When her parents called out, "Madison!" to get her attention, Madison stopped humming, unplugged her headphones, picked up her suitcase and went back home. As she rode the Papadopolous family van back to her house, Madison put her glittery, kitty-eared headphones back on, plugged them into The Festive Fart Machine and hummed along to the UK's greatest glam rock Christmas standards with a gleeful smile.