Dirty Plates/transcript

Next Episode: Cartoon Training Video
== Transcript ==
Episode Aired: May 11, 1996
Episode Copyrighted: 1996
This episode is rated TV-Y7.
*Episode starts at the Krusty Krab*
Lincoln Loud: Hey, Lori.
Lori Loud: Uhh…
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey, Squidward, check this out. *holds up a patty in each hand* Two ordinary Krabby Patties, but when expertly tossed with the skill of a champ, they become... *throws them on the floor*
Patrick Star, Lincoln and Leni Loud: *slides the patties across the room*
Leni Loud: A one-way ticket to pain!
Patrick Star: *slams into the wall by Mr. Krabs' office*
Mr. Krabs' window breaks off the wall caused by the impact.
Mr. Krabs: Huh? *puts down his writing*
Lincoln Loud: *slides while on Leni's mouth* Heave-ho!
SpongeBob SquarePants: *slams into the wall and the place shakes*
Mr. Krabs: *exits my office* What the devil fish is going on out here?!
Lincoln is on Leni's mouth.
Mr. Krabs: Time is money!
Lori Loud: And if you guys are literally wasting time.
Mr. Krabs: Then you're wasting money! *walks up to SpongeBob and Lincoln* And that's just sick!
SpongeBob SquarePants: But we were performing a ritual to attract customers. And the only way the ritual can work is for us to get hurt. Real bad.
Lincoln Loud: Yes, we were.
Mr. Krabs: What stupid barnacle told you that?
Squidward Tentacles: Uhh… *nervously covers his face up with a magazine*
Lori Loud: Listen, instead of killing yourselves, I've got something real important for you to do for me.
Scene cuts to the five of them standing in front of The Loud House.
Lori Loud: Now, are you guys ready for your super…
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Lincoln and Leni Loud: Super…
Lori Loud: ...special…
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Lincoln and Leni Loud: ...special…
Lori Loud: ...secret…
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Lincoln and Leni Loud: ...secret…
Lori Loud: ...assignment?
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Lincoln and Leni Loud: *screams* Assignment?! I beg of you, Lori! Put us out of our misery! *gets worried*
Lori Loud: The four of you are literally doing chores in this house! *opens the front door*
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Lincoln and Leni Loud: *jumps out with excitement*
Lori Loud: But, let me give you four a warning. Do the chores. *while showing scrubber, shoves cans toward SpongeBob, Patrick, Lincoln and Leni* It will never come off. So if I see even one drop on anything but dishes, I'll have your rear ends cut off... *holds up two empty plaques, each with their names on it* …and mounted over to Vanzilla. So, have fun with the job. *shuts the door with them inside in Vanzilla*
Lincoln Loud: Leni?
Leni Loud: Yeah, Lincoln?
They see Lori's phone.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Lori sure has a lot of expensive phones to do chores. *washes the dishes* Do you think we should take this stuff about the dishes?
Patrick Star: *washes the dishes as well* No way, guys, we're not getting paid to do chores.
Lincoln Loud: *washes the dishes as well* Guys, we're not getting paid at all.
Leni Loud: *washes the dishes as well* Well that's what you said! We're not getting paid and that's final!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Okay, we'll just wash around all the dishes.
Patrick Star: Good, just don't pay me.
Leni Loud: Yeah.
SpongeBob SquarePants: First, we need to set up the tarp. *holds up a tarp*
Patrick Star: Tarp ahoy! *spreads the tarp on the floor, but the camera pans to reveal it's a tiny piece*
Lincoln Loud: We're gonna need more dishes, guys.
Scene cuts to more dirty food on the plate but not the entire plates.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Now that's what I'm talking about. Well, I guess we should open these rags of clean now.
Patrick Star: That will never ever come off.
Leni Loud: *tries to wash the dishes, but it's still dirty* Dang It, it won't clean, it's dirty, gross!
Lincoln Loud: And if we get it on anything, Lori will cut our butts off.
Patrick Star: And mount them on those dishes.
Lincoln Loud: *takes a scraper and tries taking off dirty food*
Patrick Star: Careful, Lincoln. Careful, Lincoln. Lincoln, careful. Careful, Lincoln. Careful, Lincoln! Careful, Lincoln! *screams* Careful, Lincoln!
Lincoln Loud: *takes off dirty food* Guys, it's clean.
Patrick Star: Oh. Now it's our turn!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star and Leni Loud: *takes out a battle ax and takes the scrubber with it*
Lincoln Loud *grabs the dishes*
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm thinking I should do this one, too, guys! *carefully scrapes off the dirty food*
When he does, a dirty food bounces on the tarp.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Lincoln and Leni Loud: *screams as the dirty food drop bounces on a tarp, then screams again as the dirty food drop bounces on every plate and then back on the plate*
Leni Loud: Well, that was a rip-off.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *wipes sweat off*
Lincoln Loud: Okay, guys, let's get our brushes ready. *holds up my big brush* Uhh, maybe we should start with a smaller brush. *throws the big brush to the right of me then takes another small brush and gets a hair out of my nose*
Leni Loud: *gets all my hairs out of my nose on my scrubber*
SpongeBob SquarePants: *puts dish soap on the scrubber and then faces on the plate* All right, guys, gotta get started washing this plate. With the dishwasher that we're not allowed to get on anything but the plate. Well, here we go.
Time card reading "1 Hour Later"
French Narrator: 1 hour later…
SpongeBob SquarePants: *stands in the same spot, while sweating nervously* Just a few more seconds of mental preparation and I'll be washing this plate.
Time card reading "2 Hours Later"
French Narrator: 2 hours later…
SpongeBob SquarePants: *stands in the same spot and sweats* I'm getting to the washing.
Time card reading "3 Hours Later"
French Narrator: 3 hours later…
Fourth wall breaks between these two lines.
Patrick Star: *carries the “Three Hours Later” time card* Can you guys move it along? I'm all out of time cards.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *stands on the same spot and sweats* No problem. Here I go. *makes a line of dirty food going down the plate, then smiles*
The dirty food starts going down, but SpongeBob blows it one direction then another then another until he gets a blow dryer and blows the dirty food off the plate. Blows the steam off the hairdryer like a gun sending to the dishwasher.
Lincoln Loud: Yeah! Huh?! *notices the dishwasher*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Barnacles! What could be worse than a dishwasher?!
Leni Loud: Oh, I know! *puts plates in the dishwasher* There, ready to wash!
Lincoln Loud: Leni?
Leni Loud: Yes, Linky?
Lincoln Loud: I don't think these plates can get washed!
Patrick Star: *closes the dishwasher door and presses buttons on the dishwasher* Nonsense! *starts washing the dishes by the dishwasher*
All the plates are clean.
SpongeBob SquarePants We did it! *checks the area* The dishwasher washed all of the plates and without getting a scrape of dirty food on anything but the-- *shocks* Flappin' Flotsam! What's that?!
Lori's phone has a dot of dirty food on it upon closer inspection. SpongeBob's eyes crack, break, and drip on the floor. He then falls over. He then wakes up and his eyes recover* 
Lincoln Loud: We're dead, guys! Do you know what that is?
Patrick Star: Hmm... it's a dollar. I win!
Lincoln Loud: That's not just a dollar. It's Lori's phone! Her most selfie possession! And we got dirty food on it!
Leni Loud: I think you are over-reacting, SpongeBob, I don't see any dirty food.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Okay, *takes the phone* this isn't a problem. Maybe I can just wipe it off. *tries to wipe the dirty food off with my scrubber but makes the dirty food even more noticeable* There! I think I got it. *notices the dirty food more*
He becomes nervous so he wipes it more but Lori's phone becomes completely covered with dirty food.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *screams*
Leni Loud: Ew! Oh, now we see it!
Lincoln Loud: Dang It! This is not good, SpongeBob, Patrick and Leni! This is not good! Lori is gonna be home soon, and when she sees what we did to her phone…
Scene cuts to SpongeBob, Patrick, Lincoln and Leni's butt on the wall while Lori is at Vanzilla.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Lincoln and Leni Loud: *shrieks while holding our butts*
Patrick Star: Wait, Lincoln, all we got to do is wash the dishes and Lori will never know!
Lincoln Loud: But Lori said…
Patrick Star: *claps my hands over Lincoln's mouth Forget what Lori said*
Every dirty food comes off with something.
Scene cuts to SpongeBob, Patrick and Lincoln standing by a washing machine.
Lincoln Loud: Did it work?
Leni Loud: *comes out from the washing machine with the dollar, still with dirty food on it, in my hands; I also has a bra on my head* No.
Scene cuts to SpongeBob, Lincoln and Leni sanding the dollar in Patrick's hand.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Did it work?
Patrick's hands are gone.
Patrick Star: Nope.
Scene cuts to SpongeBob, Patrick and Lincoln squirting sulfuric acid out of a fire hose.
Leni Loud: *screams in pain*
Lincoln Loud: Did it work?
Leni Loud: *holds up the dollar that left a hole in my body from the force of the acid, except for the part blocked by my arms* No.
Scene cuts to SpongeBob, Lincoln and Leni banging on the dollar Patrick is holding, while Patrick is wearing a neck brace and has a black eye; behind them is a huge assortment of weapons and tools that apparently didn't work either.
Patrick Star: Oof! Oof! Oof!
SpongeBob SquarePants: *holds a club* Nothing's working!
Patrick Star: Wait, guys! We're not cavemen! *walks over to a computer* We have technology! *picks up the computer and angrily grunts, then smashes it on the phone*
Lincoln Loud: It didn't work.
Leni Loud: It's all because of that Lori is a monster.
Patrick Star: This is all Lori's fault! *puts the computer down* If she hadn't hung that stupid phone in the first place...! I mean, it's not like it looks any different than a regular phone. Why hang it? You guys could just stick any old smartphone up on the table, no one would even know the difference! You guys might as well reach in my wallet, pull out a phone, and put it on the table! And it would…
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hurry, Leni, look at your purse.
Leni Loud: *searches my purse and grabs 4 fruit bars* Got it! *eats fruit bar, to SpongeBob, Patrick and Lincoln* Wanna fruit bar.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star and Lincoln Loud: Sure, Leni.
Leni Loud: Okay *gives fruit bars to SpongeBob, Patrick and Lincoln*
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star and Lincoln Loud: Thanks, Leni *eats fruit bars*
Lincoln Loud: It was delicious.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah! *screams, then in circles around Patrick* Hurry, Patrick, put Lori's phone back! I got an idea!
Lori Loud: *enters The Loud House* What the…?
SpongeBob SquarePants: *stammers* We're all done, Lori. Everything looks great.
Patrick Star: Yeah, you don't have to look around. We already did that for you.
Lincoln Loud: We cleaned all the plates.
Leni Loud: Plates are clean and shiny.
Lori Loud: You guys literally look like you got a dirty little secret. Ha! I'm kidding. Let's see how you did. Oh, not bad guys, not bad. A nice even coat, high gloss, no dirty food.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah, looks great, Lori. We'll just be going...
He, she, Lincoln and Patrick are about to leave.
Lori Loud: *screams* LOOK WHAT YOU DID!
SpongeBob SquarePants: *stops leaving* Oh, Lori, we're so sorry! Don't de-butt me! Don't de-butt me!
Patrick Star: *begs* Lori, I'm sorry! Have mercy! Have mercy!
Lincoln Loud: *begs* I'm sorry!
Leni Loud: *begs* We're so sorry, Lori!
Lori Loud: Sorry? You literally dusted my phone! That was really nice. What's this?
SpongeBob SquarePants: *begs* That's not our fault, Lori!
Patrick Star: *begs* We didn't do it on purpose!
Lincoln Loud: *begs* Accident!
Leni Loud: *begs* Accident!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Lincoln and Leni Loud: *begs* Accident! Accident! Accident! Accident!
Leni Loud: *begs* We don't want to be butt-less!
Lori Loud: What are you guys doing here?
Lincoln Loud: Oh, you know, we're just hanging around.
Patrick Star: *gives a thumbs-down* Boo!
Lori Loud: Get down onto the floor, Lincoln.
Lincoln Loud: *stretches my body to the floor*
Lori is now annoyed.
Lori Loud: *gets annoyed* Alright, now you're just being silly. *takes him off the wall and throws him aside*
Lincoln Loud: No, No, Lori! No! Don't look, it's a trick!
Lori Loud: *gets angry* DID YOU GUYS GET DIRTY FOOD ALL OVER MY PHONE?!
SpongeBob SquarePants: We're sorry, Lori!
Patrick Star: We're so sorry!
Lincoln Loud: We're sorry!
Leni Loud: We're sorry, we put dirty food all over your phone, Lori!
Lori Loud: *looks at the phone again then looks at SpongeBob, Patrick, Lincoln and Leni* And then did you draw on it with crayon?!
Back of Lori's phone has a smiley face drawn on with green crayon.
Leni Loud: *holds a green crayon as SpongeBob, Patrick and Lincoln look at me* I thought, you know, maybe she'd buy it.
Lori Loud: All right, guys... you know what literally I've gotta do now?!
SpongeBob SquarePants: You mean our butts?
Patrick Star: Can I use mine one last time?
Lincoln Loud: Go ahead.
Lori takes the phone and wipes it. The dirty food comes off then puts the phone back on the table*
Lori Loud: There we go, good as new.
They are shocked beyond belief.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Lincoln and Leni Loud: *stammers* But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but…
Lori Loud: Yeah, I literally lied. This dirty food actually comes off with saliva! *laughs* Oh, Bobby!
SpongeBob SquarePants: *frowns then smiles* Oh, I get it, Lori. You told us the dirty food so me, Patrick, Lincoln and Leni would be more careful and not get dirty food on anything!
Lori Loud: Nah, I literally like to mess with ya!
Leni Loud: Guys, let's go to the mall. Shall we?
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star and Lincoln Loud: Yes, Leni!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Lincoln and Leni Loud: *exits The Loud House to the mall*
Lori Loud: Well I'm gonna go to my room. *goes to my room*
*It says "THE END" Episode ends*
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