Meow Meow

This is the 2nd episode of season 1 of SBFW's Got Talent.
==Transcript==
Nicholas Withers: And we’re back with another audition session of SBFW’s Got Talent! I’m your host, Nicholas Withers, and I have no idea who is up next! (someone whispers to him) Oh yeah. Up next is the one and only… SpongeBob SquarePants!
SpongeBob: Hey y’all. I’m hoping not to just be some one trick sponge like the rest of you, so today I’m not doing a magic trick. Oh no, I’m blowing bubbles!
Gene: Interesting choice.
(SpongeBob starts blowing a massive bubble. The bubble is in the shape of Donald Trump)
NC: AH! A POLITICAL REFERENCE! GET IT OUT!
AVGN: Relax, NC. It’s just a bubble. The best part is popping it.
SpongeBob: Oops. That’s my political bubble wand. (he swaps the wand with a normal one) Sorry for that. Now… (he blows a bubble, this time in the shape of a Krabby Patty)
AVGN: Is that a Krabby Patty?
SpongeBob: Shh you can’t say that! It’s a registered trademark!
AVGN: o
NC: That’s one fine… generic-looking burger.
SpongeBob: Thank you. And now, for the grand finale! (he blows a bubble bigger than anything the judges have seen, in the shape of an L)
Gordon Ramsey: Is it on her forehead? (laugh track)
Shrek: WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY SONG?
SpongeBob: Uh-oh.
Shrek: You’re coming with me, little man!
Nicholas: And it looks like no one rang the buzzers. SpongeBob is in… just as soon as he gets back from Shrek’s swamp.
SpongeBob: (is being held by Shrek) Help! HELP! (Shrek leaves with SpongeBob)
Nicholas: Ignoring that entire scene that totally didn’t just happen, up next is SquidClone!
SamClone: Thank you all!
SquidClone: Hey! Wrong clone, buster! (shoves SamClone out of the way) Sorry about that mishap, guys. I’m here to play Ode to Joy on my clarinet- I mean mayonnaise.
Gordon Ramsey: You fool. Mayonnaise isn’t an instrument.
SquidClone: That’s where you’re wrong, buddy boi. But before I begin, I just wanna confess…. I’m a clone!
(everyone gasps)
SquidClone: I’m a clone! It’s tragic, I know!
Gordon Ramsey: You know what’s also a clone? This show!
Nicholas: Shh! We can’t let them know!
SquidClone: Anyway, without further ado, it’s time to play Ode to Joy with mayo. (he pulls out his mayo jar and starts playing Ode to Joy on it. For some reason, everyone is impressed with his low efforts)
AVGN: Bravo!
NC: Amazing.
Gordon Ramsey: Great.
Gene: Impressive.
Nicholas: Apparently SquidClone must have the squid charm, as everyone is impressed with his low efforts.
SquidClone: Hey!
Nicholas: Off you go, buddy. Up next is… Shaq!
Big Shaq: OH YEAH, BIG SHAQ COMIN’ THROUGH!
Nicholas: How many times do we have to tell you? You’re not Shaq! He is. (points to Shaq)
Shaq: Hey there. Once this fool gets off the stage, I can start my basketball game. I know at least one of you will like it.
Big Shaq: 5 + 5 - 1 = 9 that’s quick maths- (gets kicked out by security)
Shaq: Thanks. (the stage suddenly turns into a basketball court and some hip-hop music starts playing)
AVGN: Where the hell did that hoop come from?
Shaq: It’s the magic of being a pro player. (the music stops) Wait. I forgot I don’t play basketball anymore. That was a waste of pro magic. (he snaps his finger and the room suddenly turns back to normal)
NC: Aw man, I wanted to see the man play!
Shaq: No worries. I can still rap.
Gene: This better be good.
Shaq: (clears throat)
Yo Jef why don't you give me a hoopa beat or something something I can go
to the park to
yeah there you go alright I like that I like that
it sound dope
You want to fight? come fight me
I'll hit ya with the "wa psh psh psh" see see 
I'll hit ya with the "wa psh psh psh" see see 
I'll hit ya with the "wa psh psh psh" see see 
I'll hit ya with the "wa psh psh psh" see see 
I'll hit ya with the "wa psh psh psh" see see 
Gordon Ramsey: Uhh are you okay? You’ve been saying the same line like 5 times now.
Shaq: I'll hit ya with the "wa psh psh psh" see see 
I'll hit ya with the "wa psh psh psh" see see 
I'll hit ya with the "wa psh psh psh" see see 
I'll hit ya with the "wa psh psh psh" see see 
I'll hit ya with the "wa psh psh psh" see see 
I'll hit ya with the "wa psh psh psh" see see 
I'll hit ya with the "wa psh psh psh" see see 
I'll hit ya with the "wa psh psh psh" see see 
I'll hit ya with the "wa psh psh psh" see see 
I'll hit ya with the "wa psh psh psh" see see 
I'll hit ya with the "wa psh psh psh" see see 
Nicholas: Okay, I think that’s enough-
Shaq: I'll hit ya with the "wa psh psh psh" see see 
I'll hit ya with the "wa psh psh psh" see see 
I'll hit ya with the "wa psh psh psh" see see 
I'll hit ya with the "wa psh psh psh" see see 
I'll hit ya with the "wa psh psh psh" see see 
Nicholas: Is this guy okay?
AVGN: I have no idea.
NC: (snoring, and suddenly wakes up) Lunch time! (accidentally hits the buzzer) Damn it.
Shaq: (getting out of his trance) So how was it?
NC: Sorry I wasn’t paying attention.
Gene: I think it was fine.
Ramsey: Nah. (buzzes)
Nicholas: Anyone else?
(silence)
Nicholas: Okay then. Shaq just barely survives this audition round. Congratulations.
Shaq: I'll hit ya with the "wa psh psh psh"- I mean hooray!
Nicholas: Now get outta here before we start going insane. Next up, it’s Bubble Bass!
Bubble Bass: No need to do applause. (applause stock sound effect) I said no applause! (aww stock sound effect) Anyway, today I will fit three hundred Krabby Patties into my mouth-
SpongeBob: Hey! You can’t say that!
Bubble Bass: Kiss my bubble bass, nerd. I don’t care if I get sued. Anyway, first patty coming into my mouth. (he shoves the patty into his mouth as a plate of patties suddenly appears)
Mr. Krabs: Hey! Where did you get those?
Bubble Bass: Where did you come from?
Mr. Krabs: None of yer business. But it’s ME business you’re hurting here. Pay up.
Nicholas: Mr. Krabs, I can pay those if you like.
Mr. Krabs: Sure, whatever gets me money. (Nicholas hands him a wagon full of cash and Krabs walks away happy)
Bubble Bass: (burps) Second patty, third, fourth… seventieth… 112th… 420th… wait… how many was I supposed to eat again?
Gene: Uhh… 
NC: (makes surprised face)
AVGN: I have no words but these.
Gordon Ramsey: A real pro. I approve. 
Nicholas: It’s official. Bubble Bass passes the audition!
Bubble Bass: (belching heavily) THANK… YOUUUU- (falls over) help i’ve fallen and i can’t get up
(Cut to Nicholas announcing the finale audition of the day)
Nicholas: And now, give it up for… Gary!
Gary: Meow meow meow. (Thanks for letting me try for SBFW’s Got Talent. I’m sure I won’t disappoint.)
Gene: I sure hope you don’t.
AVGN: You know what he’s saying?
Gene: Before I was a critic, I was an animal whisperer.
AVGN: Oh.
(Gary reveals his legs, along with his brown shoes)
NC: This guy’s got shoes!
SpongeBob: Go, Gary!
Gary: Meow meow! (And for my act today, I will tap dance to HFB MIDI)
AVGN: I don’t even know what a HFB is.
Gary: (starts tap dancing intensely)
NC: GARY’S GOT LEGS SON. GARY’S GOT LEGS!
Gene: Impressive.
(Gary continues tap dancing, but slips on a pebble and falls)
AVGN: Pebble, watch out!
Gordon Ramsey: A bit too late there, bud.
AVGN: Dammit.
(Gary seems to be passed out, but quickly recovers and continues tap dancing into the air. He even breaks through the ceiling)
Nicholas: Ugh, we didn’t even finish paying for that yet… 
Gordon Ramsey: He did pretty well, though.
Nicholas: I’d say he did if I was a judge. Any buzzers?
(No one buzzes)
Nicholas: Wow, no buzzes again. All five people that have tried today have gotten in.
(Meanwhile, in the back)
???: That snail thinks his meows are the best? Well, he’s wrong. I have the best meows. In fact, I have three in my first and last name alone. A legendary hero needs a legendary talent show. My golden sword will do the trick.
???: But you aren’t even up for another 3 episodes, dude.
???: Yes, I know. But it can’t hurt to prepare, huh? A legend must always prepare.
???: Okay, dude, if you say so.
(End)
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