Chuck E. Cheese in The Galaxy 5000 Review

Bob: Hey, guys. In my last review, I talked about a couple of comics from Chik-fil-A that featured superhero cows that try to stop people from eating hamburgers. And, believe it or not, that's actually not the weirdest thing to ever come out of a restaurant chain. No, that lofty title happens to go to "Chuck E. Cheese in The Galaxy 5000".
A photo of the VHS cover for the movie we're about to see is displayed, followed by a short commercial from the restaurant chain itself.
Bob: *voiceover* Today we're looking at a direct-to-video movie that was sold in Chuck E. Cheese restaurants. I remember going to Chuck E. Cheese's only once during my entire childhood, and it never exactly held my interest the same way it apparently did for most other kids. Frankly, every time I see a Chuck E. Cheese commercial even today, I instinctively think, "Come on, I don't care about this. Just let me get back to watching 'Beast Wars' already." Our movie begins in, where else, Chuck E. Cheese's: where a kid can be a kid, and where our cameraman is evidently the most popular cameraman in town. We meet the famous pizza mogul himself as he and his friends gather for a special meeting. Shouldn't they be holding this meeting before business hours? Why aren't they backstage, getting ready for their next gig?
Chuck E. Cheese: Hey, Pasqually.
Chuck E.'s friends: Hi, Pasqually.
Pasqually the Singing Chef: *in a stereotypical Italian accent* I think you all know Charlie Rocket.
Chuck E.: Yeah, hey! We've seen him around the neighborhood.
Chuck E.'s friends: Hi, Charlie. 
Charlie: Hey, guys.
Pasqually: Charlie is the reason I called this meeting tonight. He has a little problem.
Bob: *as Al Pacino* His parents aren't letting him come here for his birthday. I want you should teach 'em a lesson, eh? *voiceover* Actually, his problem is that if he doesn't raise $50,000 to fix the engine of his family's tractor, their farm will go out of business. But, hey! He's in luck! Chuck E.'s friend, Jasper here, is a dog-
Cut to a clip from "Gumby: The Movie" featuring the dog, Lowbelly, crying pearls. 
Bob: *voiceover* -which means that he can cry pearls that he can use to pay for the broken tractor. And it takes $50,000 to repair a tractor engine? Considering how you can buy a brand-new tractor for 10,000, you're getting ripped off, kid. So Chuck E. and his friends agree to help him out, *sarcastic* because of course, these are the people to come to when you have financial problems, and they start brainstorming about how they can raise the money.
Jasper T. Jowls: Oh, we could all get jobs! You know, I saw a Help Wanted sign down at the Chicken Palace. 
Helen Henny: *triggered* I don't think so! Ooh...!
Mr. Munch: Uh-oh.
Helen: Where do humans get off anyway, eating poor, little defenseless birds? Are they crazy? Where would they be without their eggs for breakfast every morning? And how do they repay us, by giving us the deep fry?!
Bob: Ah, so it's this chick who's gonna start the League of Extraordinary Chicken Men. Watch out, Amazing Cow Heroes, Helen Henny is going to cluck you up. *voiceover* And why do they need to get jobs? Don't they already run a worldwide chain of restaurants? Shouldn't $50,000 be a snap to raise? But Pasqually here has an idea how they can raise the money. Go into the outer space, enter the Galaxy 5000, and race through deadly terrain in vehicles that they have no idea how to pilot!
Bob: Oh my god... That's so crazy, it just might fail in every way imaginable! *voiceover* Actually, it seems that Chuck E.'s friends think it's a dangerously stupid idea, too, and they back out. But then Chuck E. sings a little song to get them properly motivated.
Chuck E.: *singing* Come on, everybody, there's just nothing to worry
let's get those legs a-kickin'
we'll set the pace and win the race
on the intergalactic speedway
The galaxy's for you...
Jasper: *spoken* Nuh-uh!
Chuck E.: *singing* The galaxy's for me...
All: *singing* The galaxy's for you and me! 
Yeah!
Jasper: *aside glance* How come common sense goes flyin' out the window every time he sings a song? Brother!
Category:Transcripts