Jerk of All Trades

Jerk of All Trades is a letter from The Simpsons Library of Wisdom's The Homer Book.
==Homer Simpson's Rezoomay==
Dear Potential Employer,
My current job as safety inspector at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant affords me lots of time to pursue other occupations. Here is a list of jobs I have held in the not too distant past. Most, if not all, ended neatly with no lasting consequences.
 Sincerely, Homer J. Simpson
*Capital City Capitals Baseball Team Mascot (Dancing Homer)Dancin' Homer
*Shopping Mall SantaSimpsons Roasting on an Open Fire
*Car DesignerOh Brother, Where Art Thou?
*Kwik-E-Mart Employee - Graveyard ShiftLisa's Pony
*Olde Springfield Towne Guide (Candle Maker)I Married Marge
*Slash-Co Knives SalesmanI Married Marge
*The Pitiless Pup Attack Dog School DummyI Married Marge
*Gulp 'N' Blow EmployeeI Married Marge
*AstronautDeep Space Homer
*Manager of country music singer Lurleen LumpkinColonel Homer
*Snow Plow owner/operator Mr. PlowMr. Plow
*Monorail ConductorMarge vs. the Monorail
*Power Plant Union RepresentativeLast Exit to Springfield
*"The Be-Sharps" Barbershop Quartet MemberHomer's Barbershop Quartet
*Student (Springfield University)Homer Goes to College
*Blackjack Dealer$pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)
*Personal Assistant to C. Montgomery BurnsHomer the Smithers
*Adult Education TeacherSecrets of a Successful Marriage
*Sugar SalesmanLisa's Rival
*Barney's Bowl-O-Rama EmployeeAnd Maggie Makes Three
*Krusty the Clown ImpersonatorHomie the Clown
*Electronic Solicitor (Via Telephone Autodialer)Lisa's Date with Density
*Town Crier in Springfield ParadeLisa the Iconoclast
*Voice-over Artist (Poochie)The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show
*Alcohol Bootlegger ("Beer Baron")Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment
*Peewee Football CoachBart Star
*CarnyBart Carny
*Internet EntrepreneurDas Bus
*Navy ReservistSimpson Tide
*FBI InformantThe Trouble with Trillions
*Springfield Sanitation CommissionerTrash of the Titans
*Grease Waste SalesmanLard of the Dance
*InventorThe Wizard of Evergreen Terrace
*Assistant to Alec Baldwin and Kim BasingerWhen You Dish Upon a Star
*Curator of the Museum of Hollywood JerksWhen You Dish Upon a Star
*Bodyguard to the Mayor of SpringfieldMayored to the Mob
*TruckerMaximum Homerdrive
*Consultant on Remake of "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington"Beyond Blunderdome
*Pop ArtistDude, Where's My Ranch?
*Fish GutterThirty Minutes Over Tokyo
*Food CriticGuess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner?
*Tomacco FarmerE-I-E-I-D'oh
*Horse Trainer (Furious D.)Saddlesore Galactica
*MissionaryMissionary: Impossible
*Diner EmployeeKill the Alligator and Run
*Prank MonkeyHomer vs. Dignity
*Tonic SalesmanGrampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy
*GrifterThe Great Money Caper
*ChirporactorPokey Mom
*Daycare Center OwnerChildren of a Lesser Clod
*Bar OwnerHomer the Moe
*Fortune Cookie Fortune WriterA Hunka Hunka Burns in Love
*Sugar BootleggerSweets and Sour Marge
*Oil Field WorkerHalf-Decent Proposal
*RoadieHow I Spent My Strummer Vacation
*CEO of the Springfield Nuclear Power PlantC.E. D'oh
*PanhandlerMilhouse Doesn't Live Here Anymore
*Hullabalooza Freak Show PerformerHomerpalooza
*Globex Corporation EmployeeYou Only Move Twice
*Head of Security for SpringfieldPoppa's Got a Brand New Badge
*BoxerThe Homer They Fall
*Limousine DriverHomer vs. Patty and Selma
== Citations ==
Category:Lists
Category:Miscellaneous
Category:Publications