Some Ways to Stimulate Being in the Navy

*Study the owner’s manual for all household appliances. Routinely take an appliance apart and put it back together.
*Monitor all home appliances hourly, recording all vital information (ie: plugged in, lights come on when doors open, etc)
*Remove all plants, pictures and decorations. Paint everything gray, white, or the shade of hospital smocks.
*Buy 50 cases of toilet paper and lock up all but two rolls. Ensure one of these two rolls is wet all the time.
*When making sandwiches, leave the bread out for six days, or until it is hard and stale.
*Remind yourself every day: "It’s not just a job, it’s an adventure!"
*Clean your house until there is absolutely not a speck of dust anywhere. Call on a stranger to come inspect your house. Ensure stranger sees dust that has collected in the time it took to find him. Stranger cannot leave until he finds irrational fault with your house/belongings. 
*Do not flush the toilet for five days to simulate the smell of 40 people using the same commode.
*Cut your hair weekly, making it shorter each time, until you look bald or look like you lost a fight with a demented sheep.
*Work in 19-hour cycles, sleeping only four hours at a time, to ensure that your body does not know or even care if it is day or night.
*Have week old fruit and vegetables delivered to your garage and wait two weeks before eating them.
Category:Holiday Humor
Category:Business Humor