Homer the Moe/Quotes

:Moe: That's the stupidest story I've ever heard, and I've read the entire Sweet Valley High series.
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:Homer: Geez, Moe. You've been a real crank lately.
:Moe: [takes out a shotgun] You take that back!
:Homer: Now, you see. That's what I'm talkin' about! You're always pointing that shotgun at us!
:Lenny: And callin' us dumbasses!
:Carl: Which we're so not!
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:Lisa: It's not fair, Dad. Why should an animal die just because you and Moe are fighting?
:Homer: It's the law. My hands are tied.
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:Homer: [to Moe] Well, you've turned into a big phony!
:Moe: Hey, nobody calls Moe St. Cool a phony!
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:Homer: I'm sorry I shot you, Moe.
:Moe: Aw, that's okay. It's like my dad always said, "Eventually, everybody gets shot."
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:[An eagle starts pecking at Moe's face]
:Moe: Ow, ow! Not the face! [the eagle starts pecking at Moe's crotch] Ooh, ooh, okay the face! [the eagle starts pecking Moe's face again] Ooh. Whoa, that actually feels good after the...after the crotch.
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:[When Moe gives Homer some last-minute instructions]
:Moe: And if anyone wants potato chips or anything fancy, tell 'em to go to Hell.
:Homer: Can do. Now, don't you worry about a thing. [he gleefully turns on a beer tap, spilling the beer on the floor]
:Moe: [shuts the tap off] Hey, what are you doing? I gotta pay for that!
:Homer: No, Moe, you've got it all wrong. People buy beer from you.
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:Homer: [singing while walking to Moe's] I'm a-walking down the street, gonna open Moe's bar. I'm a-singing what I'm thinking [points to a dog] hey, look at that dog!
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:Carl: I don't get all this eyeball stuff. Uh, what are they supposed to represent? Uh, eyeballs?
:Moe: It's po-mo! [Homer, Barney, Lenny, and Carl stare blankly] Post-modern! [Homer, Lenny, Barney, and Carl continue to stare blankly] Yeah, all right, weird for the sake of weird.
:Homer, Barney, Carl, and Lenny: Oooh!
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:Homer: Uh, whatever, just give me a Duff.
:Moe: Oh, we don't serve Duff no more. We got a Malaysian beer that's better than Duff. It's made out of soy sauce. [hands Homer a bottle]
:Homer: Uh, whatever. Just give me a Duff.
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:Supermodel: After Chernobyl, my penis is falling off.
:Moe: And "penis" is Russian for ...?
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:Marge: [to Homer] Running a bar is a full-time job and you don't even do your full-time job.
:Homer: Well, when I'm passionate about something, I see it through to the end. [moves some boxes, discovering a half-finished robot]
:Robot: Father, give me legs. [Homer tosses out the robot] Father! [Homer stares it down, and the robot drags himself away on the street on his "arms"]
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:Homer: [to Marge] Barkeep!
:Marge: I thought this was gonna be your bar.
:Homer: It's a family bar, right, kids? [scene shows Bart and Lisa washing glasses and cutting up lemons]
:Lisa: Can we go to bed now?
:Homer: As soon as you finish cutting up those lemons.
:Lisa: But you're not even using them.
:Homer: [in mock baby-talk] She's so sweepy, she doesn't even know what she's saying.
:Carl and Lenny: Aww.
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:Moe: How could I toss my friends out into the cold? With no place to get liquored up?
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:Michael Stipe: (to Homer) You lied to us! [breaks bottle and gets read to attack Homer, but the other members of R.E.M. hold him back]
:Mike Mills: Michael, no!
:Peter Buck: That's not the R.E.M. way.
:Michael Stipe: You're right. Let's recycle those shards and get out of here.
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:Moe: Lisa!
:Lisa: Moe?
:Moe: Listen, I don't like you, you don't like me, but we both want to stop Homer from shooting a turkey.
:Lisa: You don't like me? I like you.
:Moe: You do? Then I like you, too.
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:Lisa: [to Moe] How'd you get the bar back to normal so quickly, Moe?
:Moe: It's a snap when you use certified contractors.
:Bart: Like the ones found in your local yellow pages?
:Moe: Exactly.
es:Homer the Moe/Frases