The Prime Minister Prepares for the Press Conference

"The Prime Minister Prepares for the Press Conference" is the title of a diatribe/press release in the voice of then-Prime Minister Scott Morrison, which was posted to the briefly rebooted tism.net.au in October 2020.
The diatribe was posted in brown text on a black background above the cover art to TISM's posthumous 2020 single "For Those About to Rock"; the website was titled "Not an announcement". Following the death of Yahn "Wildebeest" O'Donnell, the diatribe was replaced with a dedication to O'Donnell.
== The diatribe ==
“With narrowed eyes people plot evil; with a smirk, they plan their mischief.”
-Proverbs 16:30
:Just shut the fuck up, Tudge, and let me think.
:I’ll need a woman with me, dressed in pink;
:From cabinet is best – you just pick any.
:It’s not like we have got that fucking many. 
:If not Marise, get Anne – I’ll impale ya
:If I end up going out there with Michaelia.
:You think the journos are all mercenary?
:You learn that from your old press secretary?
:Abetz, Canavan, Cash, Roberts, Stoker,
:Molan, Hanson, Hume, that Colbeck joker,
:Fierravanti-Wells: it gets me down.
:What a fucking line up. Send in the clowns.
:You think the press are bad? That’s what you tell me?
:Have you not fucking met Craig fucking Kelly?
:I’ll go and tell them all the standard lines:
:“It’s in the past”, or, “Now is not the time”;
:Object to the word “bonk” with indignation,
:Voice outraged in holy imprecation;
:I’ll smirk; my fist will clench; I’ll rail; glower;
:I’ll positively stink of male power
:And claim that (’cept for gays) who we to bed
:Is private; and besides, the wench is dead –
:Well, hounded out: that’s true, but the fact is
:We’re following the best of corporate practice.
:The press might want the truth, as in A, B – 
:I’ll make sure my answers are from C, D:
:The man can’t lie who first decides what he’ll see:
:Just get Phil Gaetjens’ to do an inquiry.
:When on the noble-seeming search for truth
:You look instead for reasons that will suit
:What you think true already in your heart:
:Belief becomes the proof; faith, facts; horse, cart.
:The God I worship was a refugee
:Just like the ones I pushed back out to sea;
:He loved the poor; I, prosperity.
:The contradictions, mate, don’t worry me. 
:When I’m between what’s needed and what’s true
:To knees I fall, and look up to the blue,
:And face the test all Christians have been through:
:“O Lord,” I ask, “what would Mitch McConnell do?”
:We in this party have believed for long
:That following self-interest makes us strong; 
:COVID made the common good our saviour
:Suddenly we’re all for Team Australia – 
:The vaccine comes, it’s back to being jerks:
:Incontrovertibly the system works.
:It’s heads they lose, and tails we fucking win.
:That’s just our way. Fuck off. Send Christian in.
== See also ==
* TISM.net.au
* Ron Hitler-Barassi
* DRW Entertainment
* "For Those About to Rock"
* "The Right Wing Guide to Pleasuring"
* List of diatribes
== External links ==
* tism.net.au (archived 21 November 2020 by archive.org)
Category:Tism.net.au
Category:Diatribes
Category:Scott Morrison
Category:Liberal Party of Australia
Category:Press releases
Category:For Those About to Rock
Category:DRW Enterainment