Gnomeregan Gnews Gnetwork

The award-winning Gnomeregan Gnews Gnetwork has been tireless in their journalistic quest to bring the most important news affecting the world. These news were shown in the official videos: WoW Gameplay Trailer: Nether Drake, The Burning Crusade Launch: The Video and in News From Outland: Crisis at Da Portal!. Subtitled versions of the news can be found on the European official site.
==WoW Gameplay Trailer: Nether Drake==
* Wendy Breezy: Hi! I'm your field corpus- corsep- I'm reporter Wendy Breezy! We're here in Outland with Mr. Barley Frothbeard to talk about flying mounts. Helping us today will be our intern: P. Diddimus.
* P. Diddimus: Yo.
* Wendy Breezy: So, Mr. McFrothbeard-
* Barley McFrothbeard: Call me Barley, you wee trollop.
* Wendy Breezy: So, Barley, what level would you have to be for this kind of mount?
* Barley McFrothbeard: Well, let's put it this way: If you're not level 70: Go home!
* Wendy Breezy: So could you tell us a little about the testing phase that led to your success?
* Barley McFrothbeard: Oh yeah! Early on we tested lots of different prototypes!
* P. Diddimus: (Riding a yeti off the edge) Fly, fly! Please fly! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
* Barley McFrothbeard: Of course it wasn't an exact science, y'know.
* P. Diddimus: (Trying to fly on a turtle, hen trying to mount Onyxia) Hey, dragon. I'm gonna mount you. AAHH! AAHH! DRAGON NOOO!
* Wendy Breezy: Sounds like a lot of trial and mistakes!
* Barley McFrothbeard: Don't you mean trial and error?
* Wendy Breezy: Sure thing! So exactly how does someone get a flying mount?
* Barley McFrothbeard: Oh, all kinds of different ways. Quests, reputation... (Drinks, then burps) Where was I? Oh- shopkeepers, or a combination of those.
* Wendy Breezy: Super! So I understand, you're going to show us how to fly one!
* Barley McFrothbeard: Hell, I'm flyin' already! Woohoo! (Walks to nether drake) That's daddy's nether drake! I call him "Spanky"! The only drawback to these babies is, they don't have cupholders! Handyman! Hold this! (Diddimus takes McFrothbeard's mug) Alright now, let's get this party started!
* Wendy Breezy: Now let's go to Strombone in our Gnome Gnews Gyrocopter!
* Strombone: Strombone standing by!
* Barley McFrothbeard: YAAHOOOO! YEAHAHAHA! Ooohh, me head's gone all flattery!
* Strombone: Stombone thinks this dwarf is nuts!
* Barley McFrothbeard: Oh yeah, I can't wait to fly Spanky in Dun Morogh!
* Strombone: Strombone thinks he forgot, these mounts only exist in Outland!
* Barley McFrothbeard: I'm turning corners like she's on rails! (Thrallmar comes into view) Ah, what's this? Permission to buzz the tower?
* Strombone: Strombone says negative! Don't buzz the tower!
* Barley McFrothbeard: (Buzzes the tower) WOOHOO, I'm going ballistic! Ye couldn't hit the broad side of a barn, you dodgy-eyed half-wits! AHAHAHAHA!
* Strombone: Uh, Wendy, back to you. Strombone wants to go home.
* Wendy Breezy: Thanks, Strombone! Okay, let's watch the landing!
* P. Diddimus: (Drinks the last of McFrothbeard's ale)
* Barley McFrothbeard: I said you could hold me ale, not drink it! I'm gonna make you a hood ornament, you big-eared git! YEEEEAAAAARRRGH! (He runs over Diddimus)
* Wendy Breezy: Oh my!
*Unknown voice: Healer! We need a healer!
==News From Outland==
===Introduction===
In their latest segment, they turn their attention to the goings-on in some place called "Outland". Intrepid reporters of the GGG investigate the seemingly endless battle at the Dark Portal, the mysterious depletion of Zangarmarsh, and the source of a foul odor emanating from Shattrath's Lower City...
===Transcript===
*ESRB: Rated teen for teen.
History Re-imagined and ZoneDiscovery are played.
*Unknown person #1: Gnomeregan Gnews. With... News Anchor Mar'Lee.
* Mar'Lee: Tank you for tunin' in. Tonight's top story be: CRISIS at da PORTAL!
CRISIS AT THE Portal
Demon onslaught hindered by Horde and Alliance forces.
* Mar'Lee: Since da portal's re-openin', multitudes a demons been pourin' tru, wid both da Horde and the Alliance tryin' to push dem back.On tonight's edition of Callout we talk to a demon expert, da warlock, N. Kagnito...
CALLOUT
* Mar'Lee: We also have wid us, da self-proclaimed mouthpiece of da people, Barley McFrothbeard.
* Barley McFrothbeard: I say we round up all these red-eyed demon freaks and send 'em right back to Outland with their pointy tails between their sissy legs!
* N. Kagnito: I think calling them "demons" is a gross generalization. Why does everything has to have a label? I mean, who made them the bad guys all of a sudden?
* Barley McFrothbeard: Oh, they only want to DESTROY AZEROTH, ya flea-brained twit!
* N. Kagnito: Nonsense! They are just misunderstood.
* Barley McFrothbeard: They'll kill us all, ya gibberin' buffoon!
* N. Kagnito: Oh, I suppose you can read their minds all of a sudden.
* Barley McFrothbeard: Their demonic energy corrupts and destroys!
* N. Kagnito: I use demonic energy every day. I'm not corrupted.
* Barley McFrothbeard: Your eyes are glowing!
* N. Kagnito: Well, I... I have cataracts...
* Barley McFrothbeard: And you have horns growing from yer—
:::—wait a minute. You're one of them, aren't ya? (shot sound)
* Mar'Lee: Well, dat was a close one.
* N. Kagnito: Aaaaaaahhhh!
* Barley McFrothbeard: (Clearing throat)
* Mar'Lee: Uh, oh, now, let's go on-location to Wendy Breezy. How you doin', Wendy?
LIVE
* Wendy Breezy: Just super Mar'Lee, thanks! I'm standing here with Commander Duron, who is leading the Alliance Forces against the Burning Legion here at the Portal! Mr. Duron, tell us how you're holding up against these unending waves of demons?
* Commander Duron: Well, Wendy, I...
* Wendy Breezy: What's it's like to see your comrades gleefully dismembered by these marauding agents of evil?
* Commander Duron: Oh, yes, oh, oh, uh, yes...
* Wendy Breezy: Comrades who are undoubtedly leaving behind devastated orphans and widows!
* Commander Duron: Maybe we should— 
* Wendy Breezy: How long do you think this assault will last, given that the Legion is estimated to number... in the millions?
* Commander Duron: Sorry, but... duty calls.
* Wendy Breezy: Truly a man of few words. Well, this is Wendy—
*Unknown person #2: CUT TO COMMERCIAL! CUT TO—
PLEASE STAND BY
The commercial World of Warcraft Valentine's Day Commercial is played.
* Mar'Lee: Welcome back.
MARCH IN THE MARSH
Special enviromental report from Zangarmarsh.
* Mar'Lee: We go now to a special enviromental report with investigator journalist, Spoggle Greasecakes.
Investigative report from Spoggle Greasecakes.
* Unknown succubus #1: mob sound
::Written on the reporter's screen: Shady Ventures
* Spoggle Greasecakes: Well Mar'Lee we've known about the Venture Company's disregard for the enviroment for some time now... (clears throat)
Zangarmarsh
* Spoggle Greasecakes: But what you don't know is that there are new and sinester forces at work in Outland as well, in the tranquil ecosystem of Zangarmarsh.
Ogre Ramage!
* Spoggle Greasecakes: This large mushroom, for instance, is being robbed of its natural gifts. This unscrupulous pilfering has drastically changed not only the local ecology, but the economy as well. As you can guess, the many pro-enviromental groups are not too happy about it.
* Tala Snowgraze: What do we want?
* Voices United: A clear marsh! A safe marsh!
::Written on the reporter's screen: Circle of Defiance Rallying for the Cause
* Tala Snowgraze: When do we want it?
* Voices United: Now!
* Spoggle Greasecakes: I attempted to interview the ogres on the subject, but they simply play dumb.
* "The Big Chopper": What ecology means? ME SMASH YOU!
* Spoggle Greasecakes: Truly, Zangarmarsh is a land beset by conflict.Its woes come not only from the ogres, but from the secret and sinester naga as well.
* Tala Snowgraze: The naga... those vile creatures have begun draining the swamp precious waters for some unknown purpose. Of course, we have vowed to stop them.
* Unknown tauren #1: Stop the draining!
* Spoggle Greasecakes: We caught up with a naga spokesmen, who had this to say:
* Mal'aga: Our enviromental expert assures us that our activities in Zangarmarsh are in no way harming the eviroment. Isn't that right Mr. Stickyfingers.
* Mr. Stickyfingers: (nodded his face)
* Unknown tauren #1: Stop the murder!
::Written on the reporter's screen: March in the Marsh
* Unknown harvest golem #1: Unfortunately it seems the evidence is clear: unless the Cenarion Circle gets help, the region of Zangarmarsh may be doomed.
* Spoggle Greasecakes: Back to you, Mar'Lee!
* Unknown succubus #1: mob sound
* Mar'Lee: Shoking, mon! In udda news a foul odor swept across Shattrath City and into Terokkar Forest, sickenin' all da victims in its path.
WRATH IN SHATTRATH
Unknown odor wreaks havoc on city.
* Khadgar: Never in all my days in Outland have I smelled such a terrible stench.
Lower City, Shattrath
* Khadgar: We have refugees from all over in this city, so the Light only knows where this noxious odor is emanating from.
* Khadgar: We do know this much: it is silent, and it is deadly.
* Strombone: Strombone was wondering, has anything like this happened before?
* Khadgar: The only time we had a stench like this, Tobias had whipped up some sort of rare delicacy.
Interview with Tobias
* Tobias the Filth Gorger: I don't know what might be causing this alleged odor, but it would have to come from an object so rare and so foul... kind of like this rotten arakkoa egg here. It's unique in that it— oh! Excuse me!
* Strombone: (Vomiting)
* Gordie: It's a complete and total barf-o-rama! Run for your lives!
* Mar'Lee: Da last time I seen something like dat was at a Level 70 ETC concert. Well, dat concludes our broadcast. Dis be Ancor Mar'Lee, and dat be da news!
===Downscreen news===
The following news where presented in the bottom of the screen during the video:
*BoE Index:
**RPVT -0.37
**Greens -203
**Blues +2204
**Purples + 48.6
*Ore Index:
**Copper -0.02
**Tin +2.14
*Millions of demons invade Azeroth. Horde and Alliance forces stand strong.
*Another nether storm ravages... Netherstorm?
*Venture Company credits record earning to hero migration from Azeroth to Outland after Dark Portal's reopening.
*Economists concerned with influx of raw material gathered in Outland.
*Gnomish thief captured in Tanaris, blames evil twin.
*Breaking News! Infernal lands near Gnomeregan Gnews HQ in Shattrath City. Origin unknown.
*Tanaris gnome's accomplice captured, blames evil triplet.
*Wendy Breezy miraculously survives direct impact from infernal strike. Dozens of interns rushed to Sacred Hearth Medical Center in critical condition.
*Search party for missing protesters in Zangarmarsh called off.
*SPG -0.27
*DEF +0.06
*WSO +0.15
*FWC -0.31
===Notes===
*Although Strombone says "Strombone was wondering, has anything like this happened before?" in the subtitles it says: "Can you tell us if anything like this happened before?"
==Characters==
===News Anchor===
* Mar'Lee - News shaman.
===Field Reporters===
* Wendy Breezy - GGG field reporter.
* Strombone
===Investigative Reporter===
* Spoggle Greasecakes
=== Interns ===
* P. Diddimus
===Guest appearances===
* N. Kagnito - Demonology expert. Author of "Our Friends From The Nether".
* Barley McFrothbeard - Mouthpiece of the People.
* Commander Duron - Leader of the Alliance Defense Forces.
* Marauding Agents of Evil - The Burning Legion.
** Fel Soldiers
** Infernal Siegebreakers
** Wrath Masters
* Tala Snowgraze - Cenarion Protester.
** Circle of Defiance
* "The Big Chopper" - Ogre Response.
* Mal'aga - Naga Representative.
* Mr. Stickyfingers - Independent Enviromental Expert.
* Khadgar - Sons of Lothar.
* Tobias - The Flith Gorger.
===Cameos===
* A'dal
* Samwise Didier
* Lieutenant General Orion
* Pit Commander
==Prizes==
They received the Best Show Starting with a Silent Letter (News or Comedy), Azeroth Media Awards in 2004 and 2006.
==References==
 
Category:Blizzard Entertainment