Mr. Mediocreguy

John "Mr." Mediocreguy is thə type əf guy who will be blowing all ə DƏ PEOPLES' mind with TRUTH. This is why thə SJWs hate him; this is why he is ənsafe for SJWs; THIS IS WHY HE IS Ə LAWYƏR. He uses his magnificently lawyəred əp brain to call all shots, eat əp losər lawyərs fər BREAKFAST, and speak epicology with thə GODS. He is the greatest piece əf evidence against thə nominətive determinism hypothesis fər he is thə ABSOLUTE oppəsite əf a mediocre guy, therefore he is thə prime example əf thə nominətive indeterminism hypothesis. 
He is oftən cəmpared to being əf a big chəngus variety called Chəngusus Trəmpi becəse he is a fatso and ə secret suppliər əf thə Donəld's Əbsidian. He is one əf those guys that believes that thə SCHWA will eventəlly replace all əf thə English language and is thəs ə proclaimed Schwa Redəctionist on də Intərwebs in hopes əf getting some Cloystər and lawyəring it əp with ə title as FASHIONƏBLE as SCHWA REDƏCTONIST. This is becəse he is STUPID when he is not lawyəring. 
This guy is blowing all ə thə minds with thə TRUTH but is he expanding all ə də minds with thə JUSTICE? Dəs he also include statements like and for the ƏNAMERICAN WAY? Thə TRUTH əbout Mr. Mediocreguy awaits when thə schwa just keeps SCHWAING, no hyphen.
== Why So, ə, Not Mediocre? ==
Nobədy knows this, but John's mommy did a little bit TOO MUCH SCHWA when she wəs a teenagər and while conceiving thə guy. This caused a mishap əf EXTRA UNORDINARY measəre to happen when Mama Mediocrema wəs TATA feeding baby John: some schwa wəs suckled from MAMA'S TATA. This thing əf ə thing caused Little Mediocreguy to become a SENTIENT bébé. Now, səme may know that JEAN Mediocreguy is ə Frenchman, but he heavəly denies all əf this due to circəmstances əf la française hon hon oui oui baguette et baguette, oui. But thə TRUTH that he is ən expərt in Schwanguistics is an OBVIOUS sign that he is, indeed, də français. He frequently says thə MEDIƏM RARE French phrase schwa schwa which is JUST LIKE saying hon hon oui oui baguette; immediate respect is GAINED frəm lə elite də française. Thə schwa frəm mama's tata is whət has SAVED Mediocreguy from a life də mediocrity. SCHWA has given him thə POWƏR to READ thy ƏNTTHINGETH WIKIETH. Phoenix has OBJECTION while Mediocreguy has Ən-thing Wiki, EAT YOUR HEART.
=== Whət He Dəs ===
Like a BOOK, he reads all əf də Əneth Thingeth Wikieth, stədying it, əndərstanding it, FINDING THƏ TRUTH ƏBOUT THƏ ƏNUNIVERSE. WHƏT HE SAYS DƏSN'T MATTƏR, WHƏT HE DƏS WITH ƏNTTHING IS WHƏT REALLY MATTƏRS. So, he got to lawyəring up, having a mind set on TRUTH, and FAILED college THANKS TO SCHWA, REALLY living up to the name MEDIOCREGUY. But he found ə law firm, Titsman & Co. Law Offices, going out əf la business due to Homi creating his own business, and then SKIPPED it fər ƏnPenible à la Law for its HIGH SCHWA COUNT. 
== At ƏnPenible ==
Thə man hadn't a salary, bət he got paid per job, ə thing SUPƏR RARE in France becəse ə all ə də EuroPeeƏn UneeƏn rules and ə regulations ə-capisce? Okay, nobədy knows this, bət-ə thə Mediocreguy is also ay ITALIAN, so he skibbity bobbity boobity and thə bip beep boppity, capisce? This REALLY mattəred becəse əf thə common ə-piece-ə də-pie pranks on French people frəm Italians. But John is more əf a baguette baguette schwa schwa oui oui hon hon guy rathər than a pizza pizza capisce spaghetti linguini tortəllini ferrari maserati lambourghini bambino paisano, capisce? type ə guy. Mr. Mediocreguy joined thə dying business ƏnPenible à la Law not only for its high schwa, bət also fər thə fact that it needn't a doctərate in law for employment. He did his job, DANG well. He used evidence frəm ƏnAnything Wiki to tell thə TRUTH, thə WHOLE TRUTH all thə TIME. Brotato wəs the KING əf French lawyəring. It wəs all good ƏNTIL a specific case where he wəs FORCED to not say the TRUTH by uppər management. Əf course, he told thə TRUTH like a BOSS anyway and, guess whət, səme people took ƏFFENSE to that; this case wəs MEGƏ in tərms əf how publicized it wəs. He quit ƏnPenible à la Law right aftər DESTROYING thə defense with TRUTH.
== Highər Reception ==
The case, known as əffensive truth in səme schwacles, caught the attention əf ƏnPresident Trump's secret LEGENDARY Əbsidian Law Office, ə taskforce created fər thə purpose əf finding the əltimate lawyərs to clear Trəmp's accusations əf əbsidious antics. Əf course, your honər, client Bəmp did not send his əbsidian to DESTROY Moscow, thə black ball wəs a coincidence əf SUDDEN meteoric meatballs from outər space. It wəs for real; John Mediocreuy did the ənmediocre thing əf səccessfəlly defending Bonəld from INFINITY JAIL TIME. This wəs even MORE notəble than thə last time becəse Doland Chəmp wəs SHUPƏ infəməs all ovər ƏnWorld. When the Əbsidian Law Office got blown up, Mediocreguy made his own law firm thing. At this point, Mediocreguy wəs EPICALLY FAMOUS and ƏFFENDED EVERYONE USING TRUTH. It wəs only a mattər əf time before ADOLF HITLƏR hired this guy fər his trial at the SUPƏR BOWL. Oh? Hitlər? He wəs facing trial for the crime əf SKIBBIDI PHATOM CHƏNGUS, a crime resulting in MEGƏDEATH IF FOUND GUILTY. Əf course, Mr. Mediocreguy already found thə TRUTH: HITLƏR IS GUILTY, bət əf course Mediocreguy defended him like ə boss, disproving əthər alləgations against Dolfy. HITLƏR DIED, sərprising EVERYONE becəse John "Mr." Mediocreguy wəs ƏNDEFEATED ƏNTIL NOW. This is becəse he is NOT A LIAR; HE STOOD FƏR TRUTH. This stained his reputation even though it wəs THAT BASTƏRD ƏF ADOLF. 
==Highest Reception==
It took him SO LONG to figure out that thə ƏNDEFEATABLES exist and that Captain 0 wəs THƏ MAN. With his research, he discəvəred the ƏnHyperverse and Chuck Norris: Lord əf AWESƏME and EVERYTHING. Əf course, with his curious brain, he wanted these ƏLTRƏ TIMES INFINITY POWƏRFƏL GUYS to be accounted for in the whole TRUTH and LAW əf the ƏnUniverse. With genərous collabəration with sevəral membərs əf the ƏnDefeatables, he wəs able to wərk with them to create thə ƏnCourt əf ƏnEverything and Law. He even SUED CAPTAIN 0 becəse he is jəst SO, SOOO DEDICATED to thə TRUTH that MUST BE SPOKEN, and for that HE GOT THROWN IN JAIL FƏREVƏR (əccasionally). The sheer SCHWA ƏF THIS MAN; to BATTLE AGAINST SOMEONE INFINITELY MORE POWƏRFƏL THAN HIM; only schwa can do that to a man. 
==Triviə== 
*Dəs he expand all də minds with JƏSTICE? YES
*SCHWA REDƏCTIONISM IS GOING NOWHERE
*His ləve life is in thə GƏTTƏRS
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