A Fish Called Selma/Quotes

:Lisa: Dad, what's a Muppet?
:Homer: Well, it's not quite a mop and it's not quite a puppet, but, man... So, to answer your question, I don't know.
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:Bart: Why'd they make that one Muppet out of leather?
:Marge: That's not a leather Muppet. That's Troy McClure.
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:Troy: That's right, boys. Troy's back from the gutter, and he's brought someone with him!
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:Parker: Troy! Mac Parker. Ever hear of...Planet of the Apes?
:Troy: Uh... the movie or the planet?
:Parker: The brand-new multi-million dollar musical, and you are starring...as the human.
:Troy: It's the part I was born to play, baby!
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:Selma: You know, smoke actually smells good when it's coming outta you.
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:Troy: My good looks paid for that pool, and my talent filled it with water.
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:Troy: Yeah, that's a good idea, Homer, but they've already made some movies about World War II.
:Homer: Aw, hell! Well, what about Dracula?
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:Marge: Oh, Homer, that's just an urban legend. People don't do that type of thing with fish. Troy McClure's a perfect gentleman, like Bing Crosby or J.F.K.
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:Selma: Is this a sham marriage?
:Troy: Sure baby, is that a problemo?
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:Troy: That's too funny! I can't remember when I've heard a funnier anecdote! Okay, now you tell one.
:Selma: Well, not much happens to me, but I once had dinner with a movie star and it was the most wonderful night of my life.
:Troy: Really? Who was it? George Segal? I hear he plays the banjo.
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:Homer: Why does a great guy like you want to marry a guy like Selma?
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:Selma: Come on Jub-Jub, lets go home and I'll heat you up a nice roach.
:(Jub-Jub Chirps)
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:Troy: Think what it'll mean. Not just the McBain movie, but maybe my own fragrance: "Smellin' of Troy"!
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:Louie: Hey I thought you said Troy McClure was dead.
:Fat Tony: No, what I said is that he sleeps with the fishes! You see...
:Louie: Uh, Tony, please, no. I just ate a whole plate of dingamagoo.
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:Troy: Hello, Selma Bouvier, It's Troy McClure. You might remember me from such dates as last night's dinner.
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:Troy: You wouldn't ask a handsome man like me to wear glasses! It'd be a crime against nature!
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:Marge: I've never seen Selma happier.
:Homer: That reminds me... Troy said something interesting last night at the bar. Apparently, he doesn't really love Selma and the marriage is just a sham to help his career. Well, enough talk. Let's snuggle.
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:Troy: So, working at the D.M.V. must be very interesting.
:Selma: Well, I think I'm getting Repetitive Stress Disorder from scratching my butt all day.
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:Selma: Are you gay?
:Troy: Gay?! I wish! If I were gay there'd be no problem! No, what I have is a romantic abnormality, one so unbelievable that it must be hidden from the public at all cost. You see...
:Selma: Stop!
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:Selma: Look, I'm sorry. A loveless marriage is one thing. We're not hurting anybody. But bringing a child into a loveless family is something I just can't do.
:Troy: Oh, great! We'll adopt.
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:Parker: Paramount wants you for a buddy comedy with Rob Lowe and Hugh Grant.
:Troy: THOSE SICK FREAKS?!?
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:Chief Wiggum: Oh! I'm seeing stars here!
:Troy: (to Chief Wiggum) No, just one. Hi I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such films as "The Greatest Story Ever Hula'd" and "They Came to Burgle Carnegie Hall". 
es:A Fish Called Selma/Frases