The Not-so Sober Show

The Not-so Sober Show is the eighth episode of the first season of The Whatever Show.
==Transcript==
(Episode begins with Patrick chugging an entire gallon of Bud Light. He finishes it up, throws the jug at the wall, and burps extremely loudly)
Patrick: Ahh, ntohing liek a good beer to get you woke up and started.
Squidina: Patrick, how much beer did you just drink?
PatricK: one entire callon, why?
Squidina: I think your speech is getting slurred.
Patrick: Nonsense, I’m just fine! Look!
(Patrick throws a dart towards the target on the wall and somehow manages to hit himself in the face)
Patrick: Owchers. That hurt!
Squidina: Well duh, you just hit yourself! There’s no way they’ll want to see the Patrick Show while you’re drunk the whole time!
Patrick: Aw coomne on lil sisster it’ll be just fine! Turn on the camera and youll see i will do just as sgood as i dnonmrallyl do!
Squidina: I think your speech is getting worse…
Patrik: ah, who cares? Just roll the tape!
Squidina: Okay then, if you say so…
(Squidina turns on the camera)
Patrick: hello everyone, it is patrick star from te patrick show here for another episode of the patrick show! (burps)
Squidina: Excuse you.
Patrick: ah thanks. Well anway, today on my show we are oging to see if aw atermelon sinks or swims in a bathrub.
Squidina: Oh boy…
(Patrick gets a watermelon from his asscrack and goes into the bathroom)
Patrick: Alright it is now time to put the watermenlon into the bathdum!
(Patrick drops the watermelon into the bathtub, and it causes a huge splash in the bathroom)
Squidina: Damn it Patrick, the camera’s wet! I’m not even sure if it’ll record footage anymore!
Patrick: Bah, who cares about that old thing? We can record with our minds!
Squidina: You’re sounding oddly normal right now.
Patrick: I am? What as voincoisdjnfkldsjncjksnkce!
Squidina: Aaand it’s back again.
Patrick: What’s hack again?
(Squidina facepalms, and gets out a small spare camera)
Squidina: (sighs) Good thing I have backup.
Patrick: Well I guess that means we can move onto my next trick- smsahing a camera with a hammer!
Squidina: You made that up on the spot, didn’t you?
Patrick: (BURPS) Yup!
Squidina: Alright, (presses record on the backup camera) here goes nothing.
Patrick : Thanks sis you won’t tregret this. It’s time for beer pong!
Squidina: Huh? Whatever happened to the camera smashing?
Patrick: oh forget about that, this is much more important withgt now!
Squidina: You ate all the cups, remember?
Patrick: no i haven’t! I only ate the gooe ones! The lesser gooder ones and still in my mouth! (opens up his mouth) see?
Squidina: This is only the second most disgusting thing I’ve seen today…
Patrick: want me to maki it the first?
Squidina: Hell no. I’m only five and I’ve seen way too much crap in my life already. I’m dying young.
Patrick: hey and i’m not even 21 hey, i’m only- (slips on the ground, falling on his bum)
Squidina: Patrick are you okay?
Patrick: Connection terminated. I'm sorry to interupt you Elizabeth, if you still even remember that name, but I'm afraid you've been misinformed. You're not here to recieve a gift, nor have you been called here by the individual you assume, although you have indeed been called. You have all been called here, into a labyrinth of sounds and smells, misdirection and misfortune. A labirynth with no exit, a maze with no prize. You don't even realize that you are trapped. Your lust for blood has driven you in endless circles, chasing the cries of children in some unseen chamber always seeming so near, yet somehow out of reach. But you will never find them, none of you will. This is where your story ends.
Freddy Fazbear: Bruhhhhhh that’s my line
Squidina: And yet again, this is nothing.
PatricK: want to hear about another compypastaa?
Squidina: No.
Patrick: Aww come on sissie sis si sis sis sistur- (gets hit with a frying pan)
Squidina: I’ve had enough. (drags Patrick’s body along the ground, which is now bleeding from where he got hit) Go back to your franchise, Freddy Fazbear.
Freddy Fazbear: Oh I’m not going back to FNAF. I came here for Bongos Bear. I heard he’s my underwater twin!
Squidina: Oh… well go back to… wherever he is.
Freddy Fazbear: Will do.
(Freddy is frozen, and the Squid Game theme is faintly heard playing)
Freddy Fazbear: Uh oh.
Squidina: Freddy what happened?!
Freddy Fazbear: SQUID GAMES! ! (vanishes)
That little girl from Squid Game: hehehe
Squidina: Hey there little girl, why don’t you GET OUT!
(Squidina presses a button on the wall to eject the girl from Squid Game out of the house. Somebody knocks on the door)
Squidina: Who could it possibly be this time?
Patrick: (woken up) Ugh… I’ll get it…
Squidina: I see you’re in hangover mode.
Patrick: Yeah… shut up sis I’ll get it…
(Patrick sloppily opens the door, and Squidward is on the other side)
Squidward: Hi, I heard that the Squid Game girl is in this building.
Squidina: Oh, umm… she left a minute ago.
Squidward: I hate that Squid Game. Now everyone won’t stop calling me Squidward Game! It’s annoying as hell! (plucks one of his nose hairs out of frustration)
Patrick: Bruh man why don’t you just go back to where you came from?
Squidina: Patrick! That’s racist!
Squidward: Well if you’re gonna be like that… (slams door shut) Stupid racists in this town… (grumbles)
(The Squid Game girl pops up out of nowhere in front of him)
Squidward: (pointing aggressively at her) YOU! WHY!
Squid Game girl: heheheheheh haha i love unicorns
Squidward: Don’t give me that attitude, young lady!
Squid Game girl: lmaoooooo go to hell (vanishes again)
Squidward: D’OH!
(Cut back to the Star house)
Patrick: (lying on the couch) Ugh… that was an awful hangover.
Squidina: And that’s why I’ve sworn off of any and all recreational drugs for the rest of my life.
Patrick: Oh yeah speaking of, do we have any heroine around here?
(The episode ends with Squidina’s deadpan expression)
Category:2022
Category:2022 Episodes
Category:2022 Transcripts
Category:Episodes
Category:Transcripts
Category:Episode transcripts
Category:FireMatch
Category:2020s