Headhunters 5: The Fantastic Fourteen

==Introduction==
Time and time again my patience is tested. My leniency. My...forgiveness. And I, Glorio, I'm repeatedly let down by the criminal behavior you all exhibit. Jethro's GLORIOus team? You condescend me by using my name for your mediocre team? One by one you fail to learn. One by one, you fail to survive...
==In Memorium: Jethro's Glorious Team==
As Commish, Ya Hate 2 See It (that was their old team name). I really wanted Jethro to succeed this year. After taking a one-season hiatus, G came back into the fold hoping to outlast his previous mortal coils. Two 16th-place finishes sandwiched in between a respectable 9th place chopping in 2020. But it was not meant to be. Another season, another massive bid on Tyreek Hill only to be chopped a week later. Wash, rinse, repeat. 
This week was an absolute disaster with injuries. But no team was burned more than Jethro, who needed to muster just 5 points from somewhere in his lineup. Mike Evans was actually performing well against his arch rival Lattimore before exiting early with a hammy. Ja'Marr Chase hasn't been the same this season with Joe Burrow at less than 100%. And the nail in the coffin was Kenny Pickett, who left the game with just 8.74 while trying to mount a comeback that would have required a ton of throwing. 
It doesn't help that the Buffalo Bills were able to shut down Miami's vaunted offense, limiting the expensive Tyreek Hill to just 11.50 fantasy points. The only player who broke projection was Alexander Mattison, who has been a baller ever since Cam Akers joined the team. 
The craziest part was that New York actually almost got them back in the mix on Sunday Night against the Chiefs. They scored 18 huge fantasy points, and with Danny Dimes struggling on MNF, Jeff Probst almost caught a body in the final hour. 
Or maybe the craziest part was that Skyy Moore was the only active player on Jethro's Bench. What an absurd thing to see when clicking on his team. Skyy Moore and the suspended Jameson Williams, with OBJ on IR and Arizona defense just hanging out for kicks. Wild for a team that spent over $700 in four weeks. 
As much as it is sad to see him go, now things get VERY interesting. Hill, Chase, and Lamb have to be the three biggest WRs to hit the market in a single week - outside fo maybe the final week or two of action. Throw Mike Evans in the mix, who is maybe the most underrated WR in the league over the last five + seasons, and you have a week that is sure to move the needle in bidding. 
Oh shit, sorry. We're mourning here. Um...
Jethro's Glorious Team:
==Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020 v 2021 v 2022 v 2023)==
Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020 v 2021 v 2022 v 2023)
Team 	2023 Finish	2022 Finish	2021 Finish	2020 Finish	2019 Finish
Hasta Laviska Baby 	18th (-17) 	1st (+16) 	17th (-7) 	10th (+2) 	12th
Out of Luck 	17th (-13) 	4th (+-0) 	4th (+1) 	5th (+9) 	14th
Bobecue Chicken 	16th (-1) 	15th (-12) 	3rd (+14) 	17th (-10) 	7th
Jethro's Glorious Team	15th (+1) 	N/A 	16th (-7) 	9th (+7) 	16th
We have our first plus finish of 2023, but the 2021 season had a whopping 20 teams so Jethro actually survived one week less than in Season 3. 
== Dead Money ==
Keeping track of all the cash that never got spent by teams that are now eliminated.
Dead Money 2023
Dead Money	% of Total Eliminated Cash
$2,758 	69%
Nice.
==Top New Releases==
In 2019 it was the DJ Moore curse. Four teams got eliminated with DJ Moore on their roster. Is Tyreek Hill cursing teams in 2023? It's week five and this is already the second time that Tyreek is going up for auction...Maybe just to be safe nobody should bid on him. 
#Tyreek Hill
#CeeDee Lamb
#Ja'Marr Chase
#Mike Evans
#Alexander Mattison
==Week Four Bidding Results==
Week Four Bidding Results
Player 	Winning Team 	Winning Bid	Next Highest Bid
James Cook 	Bad Boys II 	$203 	$180 (The Guilloteam)
Mark Andrews 	Never Done This Before 	$201 	$201/Waiver Priority (Obi-Wan Mahomie)
Saquon Barkley 	Jeff Probst' Tribe 	$172 	$160 (Extra Tight Ends)
Breece Hall 	Bad Boys II 	$152 	$151 (Never Done This Before)
Kyren Williams 	Never Done This Before 	$151 	$111 (Monty's Python)
Anthony Richardson	RIP Diggs My RIP for Sure-Oh	$145 	$125 (Bad Boys II)
Cooper Kupp 	Bad Boys II 	$121 	$100 (Jethro's Glorious Team)
DeAndre Hopkins 	Extra Tight Ends 	$45 	$32 (Henry VIII)
Elijah Moore 	The Guilloteam 	$30 	$12 (Henry VIII)
Josh Downs 	Never Done This Before 	$21 	N/A
Ryan Tannehill 	Bad Boys II 	$7 	N/A
Zay Jones 	Henry VIII 	$5 	N/A
Minnesota Defense 	Headless Horsemen 	$2 	N/A
Noah Fant 	Headless Horsemen 	$1 	N/A
===Quick-Hit Thoughts===
*Last Year's Most Expensive Player: Cooper Kupp ($555 - burrow for sure-oh)
*Biggest Overpay: Kyren Williams ($40 over next highest bid-Never Done This Before)
*Narrowest Margin of Bid Victory: Never Done This Before ($0 over next highest bid, won on waiver priority-Never Done This Before)
*Of course we have to also give a shoutout to Bad Boys, who won Breece Hall by a single dollar over Never Done This Before. 
*It was a big week for Never Done This and Bad Boys. They combined to spend $835. And it's hard to argue with results...both teams tied for the biggest climb of the week in the standings. 
*Of course, not all money spent is the same. Bad Boys spent $483, which constituted 48% of their remaining budget. Never Done This spent $373, which was a whopping 94% of their remaining budget. 
*Really goes to show how terrible Ryan Tannehill has been that $7 was spent on him with no competing bids in a 15-team superflex league. 
==Most Money Spent By Single Team Through Four Weeks==
Scotty set a new record this week by spending more money than any other team in HH history through the first four weeks. We'll see if that strategy pays off, as he must now survive three more months with just $25. 
Most Money Spent Through Four Weeks by a Single Team in HH History
Team 	Money Spent Through Week 4
Never Done This Before (2023) 	$975
burrow for sure-oh (2022) 	$888
Shotti's Bugatti (2020) 	$850
RIP Diggs my RIP for sure-Oh (2019)	$745
burrow for sure-oh (2020) 	$741
==Excessive Spend==
Excessive spend is anything over a single dollar more than the next highest bid for the player you won, and does not take into account the talent level or value of the player.
Excessive Spend
Team 	Excessive Spend
Never Done This Before	$412
Headless Horsemen 	$200
Jethro's Glorious Team	$146
Bobecue Chicken 	$138
Henry VIII 	$106
Müller Lite 	$104
Tee Diggs my Chubb 	$88
What Hurts Moore? 	$76
Jeff Probst' Tribe 	$50
Bad Boys II 	$49
Obi-Wan Mahomie 	$18
Extra Tight Ends 	$18
The Guilloteam 	$17
Monty's Python 	$6
==Money Spent Per Week==
Money Spent Per Week
Week	Budget Spent 	Budget Spent (2022)	Budget Spent (2021)	Budget Spent (2020)	Budget Spent (2019)
2 	$2,315 (16 Players)	$1,560 (15 Players)	$9 (2 Players) 	$1,173 (12 Players)	$1,339 (7 Players)
3 	$1,423 (15 Players)	$1,160 (10 Players)	$1,283 (10 Players)	$1,033 (7 Players) 	$1,902 (15 Players)
4 	$1,256 (14 Players)	$1,475 (10 Players)	$657 (8 Players) 	$1,182 (11 Players)	$1,614 (11 Players)
For the third week in a row we have bid on more players than ever before.
==Week Four Results==
Week Four Results
Finish (Last Week)	Player 	Total Points
1 (10) 	Monty's Python (Derek) 	260.79
2 (14) 	Never Done This Before (Scott) 	$252.79
3 (15) 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack (KVR) 	250.24
4 (13) 	RIP Diggs my RIP for sure-oh (Nate)	206.23
5 (4) 	Extra Tight Ends (Keeling) 	205.21
6 (9) 	Henry VIII (Commish) 	193.25
7 (7) 	The Guilloteam (Pat) 	186.39
8 (1) 	Headless Horsemen (Andrew) 	174.44
9 (2) 	Müller Lite (Roger) 	172.86
10 (12) 	Obi-Wan Mahomie (Wolfe) 	166.04
11 (11) 	What Hurts Moore? (Coach Tebo) 	160.69
12 (3) 	Al Snows Fav Squad (Zach) 	157.05
13 (5) 	Jeff Probst' Tribe (Joe Cola) 	134.35
14 (6) 	deCaPitated (Chris) 	130.88
15 (8) 	Jethro's Glorious Team 	126.75
16 	Bobecue Chicken (Bob) 	0
17 	Out of Luck (Papa) 	0
18 	Hasta Laviska Baby (Jared) 	0
*Biggest Climber: Never Done This Before/Bad Boys II (^12)
*Biggest Faller: Al Snows Fav Squad (v9)
==Draft Dodgers==
Team Results Based on Draft Position
Draft Pick	Team 	Week Eliminated
1 	Obi-Wan Mahomie 	ALIVE
2 	Extra Tight Ends 	ALIVE
3 	The Guilloteam 	ALIVE
4 	What Hurts Moore? 	ALIVE
5 	Al Snows Fav Squad 	ALIVE
6 	Henry VIII 	ALIVE
7 	Müller Lite 	ALIVE
8 	Never Done This Before 	ALIVE
9 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack 	ALIVE
10 	Jethro's Glorious Team 	4
11 	Monty's Python 	ALIVE
12 	Bobecue Chicken 	3
13 	Out of Luck 	2
14 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	1
15 	Headless Horsemen 	ALIVE
16 	Jeff Probst' Tribe 	ALIVE
17 	Tee Diggs my Chubb for sure-oh	ALIVE
18 	deCaPitated 	ALIVE
Another team gone from the 10-15 range. 
==Kings of the Castle==
===1. Monty's Python===
I guess the zero QB strategy sort of works? Python is making it happen with Goff and Wilson, benefits from the loss of Mike Williams by having Josh Palmer, and seems to have struck gold with later-round talent Nico Collins, Raheem Mostert, and to some extent David Montgomery. The scary part for us is that they will get Austin Ekeler back in week 6. The scary part for them is that players with a week 9 bye put up a total of 133.98 of their 259.79 points. 
===2. Never Done This Before===
Is this the team that will win a championship? It will have to do. Geno Smith and Justin Fields are the two QBs, with Mark Andrews at TE, Lockett/Brown holding it down at WR, and Javonte/Gibbs in the RB slots. Kyren Williams at least looks to be the real deal, he put up 36+ in week four. 
===3. Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack===
I don't want to say having CMC is cheating, but I also can't call it fair. Bad Boys will just have to hold on a week longer to get Cooper Kupp back, and it looks like Alvin Kamara might be fantasy relevant. Sam LaPorta was a steal. Sam Howell isn't bad. Yeah, okay, Bad Boys has something going here, folks. 
===4. RIP Diggs my RIP for sure-oh===
One by one, RIP Diggs is picking off his favorite players simply by rostering them. First it was Chubb, now it's Tee Higgens. If we lose Stefon Diggs next week, I think we have no choice but to cut Nate from fantasy...all of it. He simply cannot keep getting away with this. 
===5. Extra Tight Ends===
Sneaks into the top-5 by way of Henry VIII opting to bench Breida for waiver priority on MNF, but still another strong showing by ETE. Every starter broke 10 points, and he managed 200 with only one starting QB and one starting TE. With almost all their money left, they should be able to round out this roster nicely before the majority of their byes hit between weeks 10-13. 
==On the Chopping Block==
===14. deCaPitated===
With the late scratch of Deshaun Watson, CP's bench proved thin as he was forced to roll with Quentin Johnston at superflex. But thanks to 41.14 from CJ Stroud, and a great London showing from Mustard Man Robinson, CP lives to die another day. It may be time to start spending though. They are one of two teams with their full budget left, and Watson is on the bye in week 5. That means they are still without a QB, and it's clear that Dallas Goedert is Dallas Gone-DERRRt so the TE spot needs work too. 
===13. Jeff Probst' Tribe===
Jeff Probst is a huge fan of torches and this tribe proved it in week four because they were TORCHured by Daniel Jones on Monday Night. I think JP really got bailed out here, because sacks in HH are only worth -0.05. I can't say for sure, but I'm pretty positive I intended to make that -0.50. Oh well, it's been that way for five seasons so no point changing it now! 
===12. Al Snows Fav Squad===
Al Snoh-No! What happened!? The Headhunters superteam was looking human in week four, with five players scoring under 10. Maybe it's not the brightest idea to be starting three Patriots, considering their offensive drives end in a punt or turnover a league-worst 71% of the time. Mac Jones is giving Trey Lance a run for his money because he's starting to look like a huge first round mistake. C'Mon Dre Stevenson is looking like a bust because he can't seem to bust through first contact. And Hunter Henry has been on the hunt for a repeat performance of his week 1 and 2 17.60ers. 
===11. What Hurts Moore?===
Both players from the team name broke 30, more than making up for single catch games from Pittman, Musgrave, and James Conner. You also wouldn't be faulted for falling in love with Romeo, because Doubs DOUBled his projection on Thursday night. But this is yet another team in the hunt for TE and QB talent, which is going to be a hot commodity with bye weeks beginning. I'm sure if he can't cash in this week we can expect a 5am text with all the lucrative offers on the table for potential trades. 
===10. Obi-Wan Mahomie===
Nearly escaped the eye of Sauron this week but Patrick Mahomes kneeled at the 1 instead of diving into the endzone, so now we gotta talk about Obi for a few sentences. This team is obsessed with WR. They have nine on the roster. Can't get enough. And what's better is that 13 of their 16 players have byes week 10 or later, meaning they could easily cost in the middle for another few weeks. 
==Average Scores of Eliminated Teams==
Average Scores of Eliminated Teams
Team 	Average Score	Weeks Played
Jethro's Glorious Team	163.20 	4
Out of Luck 	160.68 	2
Bobecue Chicken 	140.44 	3
Hasta Laviska Baby 	97.49 	1
==Narrow Defeats==
Margin of Defeat for Last Place Teams:
Margin of Defeat for Eliminated Teams
Team 	Margin of Defeat	Week Eliminated
Hasta Laviska Baby 	1.21 	1
Jethro's Glorious Team	4.13 	4
Out of Luck 	14.67 	2
Bobecue Chicken 	21.19 	3
Second elimination of the season by under five points. SHEESH. 
==Rulers of the Kingdom==
2023 first place finishers:
Top Scorers by Week
Week	Team 	Score
1 	Monty's Python 	228.65
2 	Extra Tight Ends 	227.45
3 	Headless Horsemen 	266.15
4 	Monty's Python (2)	260.79
Another passive performance by Monty's Python, who currently leads the season-long standings by 51.41 over second-place Al Snow. 
==Dungeon Dwellers==
2023 teams that finished second-to-last, narrowly avoiding elimination:
Low Scorers by Week
Week	Team 	Score
1 	Extra Tight Ends 	98.70
2 	Never Done This Before 	150.50
3 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack	124.83
4 	deCaPitated 	130.88
==Single Season Scoring Records==
As teams get eliminated, their single season performance will appear here. Bolded lines indicate performances from the current season.
Jethro becomes the first team in HH history to finish a season with between 600-700 points. 
All-Time Single Season HH Point Records
Score 	Player 	Year
3,697.30	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2022
3,581.72	Beach McBungalow (Tee Diggs my Chubb)	2022
3428.76 	CP 	2019
3402.18 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2019
3363.88 	CP (deCaPitated) 	2022
3121.28 	Return of the Mac 	2021
3049.02 	Bobecue Chicken 	2021
3015.53 	Mixon Beer 	2020
3013.13 	Müller Lite 	2021
2997.67 	The Guilloteam 	2019
2980.07 	Last Coach Standing 	2020
2833.37 	Out of Luck 	2022
2743.25 	@FFDraftScott 	2020
2733.07 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2020
2709.59 	Mac 	2019
2677.20 	Out of Luck 	2021
2675.14 	Wildcat (no QBs no problem) 	2022
2620.18 	The Titanic 	2021
2614.60 	burrow for sure-oh 	2022
2438.96 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack 	2022
2422.98 	I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls 	2019
2377.31 	The Guilloteam 	2020
2285.51 	CP 	2020
2282.91 	Out of Luck 	2020
2262.36 	Bad Boys 	2021
2233.57 	Soul Survivor (burrow for sure-oh) 	2021
2134.22 	I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls 	2021
2046.35 	LIVEWithIt 	2019
2034.86 	Laser Rocket Arms 	2022
1941.63 	Bobecue Chicken 	2019
1939.02 	Beach McBungalow 	2021
1936.45 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	2021
1862.19 	Henry VIII 	2022
1817.79 	Carole Pigskin 	2020
1749.51 	The Guilloteam 	2021
1736.99 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	2019
1611.76 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	2020
1512.91 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	2020
1509.41 	CP 	2021
1483.70 	Last Coach Standing 	2021
1473.18 	Henry VIII 	2021
1439.40 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2020
1357.00 	Henry VIII 	2019
1351.99 	Muller Lite 	2022
1300.35 	The Guilloteam 	2022
1238.56 	Bluedevils 	2019
1182.09 	Mixon Beer with Liquor 	2021
1160.81 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	2021
1132.61 	Henry VIII 	2020
1116.98 	Shotti's Bugatti 	2020
1055.63 	Mac 	2020
1049.89 	LIVEWithIt 	2020
991.57 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2021
975.59 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2019
806.27 	Mixon It Up With Mahomie 	2022
768.10 	Shotti's Bugatti 	2021
717.82 	Out of Luck 	2019
713.12 	I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls 	2020
708.44 	The Executioner 	2022
652.79 	Jethro's Glorious Team 	2023
544.55 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2021
489.42 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2022
481.22 	@FFDraftScott 	2019
459.96 	Bobecue Chicken 	2020
421.33 	Bobecue Chicken 	2023
324.28 	Bobecue Chicken 	2022
321.35 	Out of Luck 	2023
294.62 	Steve Blackman's Nun 	2021
286.36 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	2019
262.69 	Bad Boys 	2020
123.21 	CoachKnows 	2022
115.16 	Mixon Beer 	2019
97.49 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2023
96.56 	Steve Blackman's Nun 	2020
==All-Time Combined Points Scored==
Same as above: eliminated teams will have their 2023 season added to the total. Bolded lines indicate that the record has been updated through 2023.
All-Time Combined Points Records
Score 	Player 	Years Played	Per Season Avg.
10,587.56	deCaPitated 	4 	
8832.65 	Out of Luck 	5 	1766.53
8626.98 	Tee Diggs my Chubb 	4 	
8424.84 	The Guilloteam 	4 	
7879.51 	Never Done This Before 	4 	
7594.94 	Obi-Wan Mahomie 	4 	
7169.22 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	4 	
7201.35 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	5 	1440.27
6987.92 	Monty's Python 	4 	
6665.96 	burrow for sure-oh (defunct) 	3 	2221.98
6439.42 	Bad Boys 	4 	
6196.22 	Bobecue Chicken 	5 	1,239.24
6076.59 	Extra Tight Ends 	4 	
5824.98 	Henry VIII 	4 	
5186.35 	Neck-Fix and Chill (defunct) 	3 	1728.78
4586.98 	What Hurts Moore? 	3 	
4365.12 	Müller Lite 	2 	
3711.72 	Jethro's Glorious Team 	4 	927.93
1885.08 	Shotti's Bugatti (defunct) 	2 	942.54
1238.56 	Bluedevils (defunct) 	1 	1238.56
698.91 	Phillip's Team (defunct) 	1 	698.91
391.19 	Steve Blackman's Nun (defunct)	2 	195.60
==Remaining Budget==
Remaining Budget as of 10/03/23
Player 	Total Budget
Al Snows Fav Squad 	$1000
deCaPitated 	$1000
The Guilloteam 	$969
Monty's Python 	$923
Obi-Wan Mahomie 	$902
Müller Lite 	$829
Extra Tight Ends 	$827
Henry VIII 	$812
RIP Diggs my RIP for sure-oh	$768
What Hurts Moore? 	$699
Jeff Probst' Tribe 	$579
Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack	$517
Headless Horsemen 	$398
Never Done This Before 	$25
Jethro's Glorious Team 	0
Bobecue Chicken 	0
Out of Luck 	0
Hasta Laviska Baby 	0
==Conclusion==
Happy Hunting!