Cowed by Absurdity

Cowed by Absurdity is an optional encounter in the Echoes hub. Boots of Water Walking are required to reach the island this node is on.
==Enemies==
*Mad Cow (80 Platinum, 80 XP, 80 Energy, 5 HP Normal, 6 HP Hard, 7 HP NM)
*Enraged Cow (80 Platinum, 80 Xp, 80 Energy, 5 HP Normal, 6 HP Hard, 7 HP NM)
*Furious Cow (80 Platinum, 80 Xp, 80 Energy, 5 HP Normal, 6 HP Hard, 7 HP NM)
*Bovine Monarch (150 Platinum, 150 Xp, 150 Energy, 1 HP All) *Locked until others are defeated.*
==Transcript==
===Introduction===
"Cows? Really?" Tessa raises her eye brow.
But her incredulity can't overcome reality. The sigh before you both is real, as wild and improbable as it seems.
Cows... Bipedal cows...
"No different from beastmen, I suppose," you reply. "Some of them have bovine features. I have the cuts from their horns to prove it."
The words leave your lips without taking much conviction with them. It's true that beastmen might come in a variety of shapes and sizes, and bear a range of animal traits. But the creatures before you seem somehow... different.
And the strangeness of the situation doesn't end with those bovine beings, as bizarre as they are. Fore they're milling around a glowing, undulating mass of eldritch matter -- raw energy in the form of a great archway. It looks like...
As though the universe wishes to confirm and reward your line of thought, you see another of the hulking cow-things emerge from its depths -- pushing its way out into the world like a swimmer bursting free from the surface of the ocean. A portal...
"Perhaps they're friendly," you say.
"Their halberds have bloodstains on them," Tessa replies.
They do... But still, it's not like you and your companions have never talked around with crimson daubing your blades. So you decide to try parlaying with the strange cow people, and approach the little herd.
"Greetings! My name is <Player's Name>, and I welcome you to-"
At that moment the creatures turn as one, and fasten you with glares that seem positively diabolical.
"Moo!" one of them bellows, its long head turned heavenward. The sound emerges as a low, angry war cry. Then its black and white features descend to gaze into your eyes from murderous red orbs. "I sense the blood of our kindred upon you!"
"What? I've never even seen one of your kind before..."
"Lies!" A chorus of lowing accompanies the word. "I smell it upon you, on your breath! You've eaten... beef!"
It spits out the last words as though it were the greatest of blasphemies, a profanity of eternal despicability.
"Oh... Well, I did eat some dried meat this morning. But that... it wasn't... I mean..."
The creatures advance towards you, brandishing their weapons.
===Conclusion===
"Death to the beef-eaters!" the cow-creature gasps. Then the life leaves its eyes.
The portal makes a rumbling, surging noise -- as though displeased by the demise of those it spawned. Then it vanishes, withdrawing into whichever strange infernal plane it emerged from.
You and your companions are left alone, surrounded by a sea of bovine butchery. It's enough to put you in the mood for lunch...
Category:Echoes