Timeline 2

* The Old KingdomLeaving Puerto Arinosa
* The team meet the first companion, a small Warbird Bunk names Tinkerbell, on the way to Trev the unendowed’s mine. At the mine they find a lot of issues, as the strikes continue.
* With little else to do, the boys take Trev’s request to clear out some of the local caves, as there have been a few dissappearances and the like. One of the strikers named Garrett joins as a guide.
* The night before, they all suffer bad dreams, with Bunk witnessing the darkness seeping in and Jdango of the dogs that chased him back in his slave days.
* First cave is a dud but the second has a huge cavern, with carved statues, pots and such, Orenthal manages to open the door into a throne room type thing
* Inside they find a stone sarcophogus, held on 4 golden legs, surrounded in the room by what look like carved stone statues of Dragonborn warriors
* Some big octopus attacks? Don’t remember this shit but i am assuming Bunk killed it
* ...actually it was Lucia that popped up from behind Dragonborn #272 and killed it
* The fish dies, standard, but resurrected himself in a blood bubble. More on that story at 11, Kent.
* After the battle they inspect the the sarcophagus. Jdango, battleworn and weary, approaches it and blood drips from his hands onto the stone...it opens.
* Tentatively they descend the steps to see a carved statue of a Dragonborn above with a shield, bow, quiver and axe - all of which Jdango pockets - rude
* Jdango double takes at the face - for a moment it was like a mirror image??
* Orenthal, ever the voice of reason, convinces Jdango to place his bloody hand on the statue - immediately they are transported into a forest!
=== The new old world or the old new world? ===
* The landscape looks very different, yet somehow similar,
* hey find a huge mass of Dragonborn! They worship Culshanasthar, the dead king from the tomb, and for some reason are prostrating themselves at the foot of the greenskin wherever he moves.
* Bunkhemoth tries to communicate, but all it does is rile up the masses. Orenthal’s magic allows him to understand them but not vice versa and he let's Jdango know what's up.
* Jdango cedes to Bunkhemoth twice and nothing changes. All eyes dart towards a castle at the top of the hill behind. Greenskin can't speak to the Dragonborn but he sees that they mimic him or follow him. Confused as fuck, Jdango starts sprinting towards the castle.
* Confused as fuck, the Dragonborn follow.
* Confused as fuck, Bunkhemoth and Orenthal follow the Dragonborn. 
=== The Castle Fallamora ===
* There is a sea of death inside and outside the castle walls, and the shadows of the corpses are gone. There also seems to be an arcane mark burnt into the gravel, obviously strong magic has been used - but why?!
* There is a statue to Unus, one of the Twelve, within the courtyard
* Investigating further they find signs of someone alive, eventually finding a young girl named Thea, who is the daughter of the Lord of the Castle, ancient enemies of the Dragonborn who are now following Jdango
* Inside the church they are attacked by this blurry echo knight motherfucker who takes ages to kill
* The battle takes its toll on the boys, and they finish hunched over and slumped to their knees. A real slobberknocker King!
* Orenthal is the slowest to get up, and when he speaks he seems vacant...and polite.
* Jdango hears Orenthal's voice in his mind, fading. He questions the 'fish', and the voice is shut off. Who now stands in front of Bunkhemoth and Jdango? Orenthal? Norenthal? Buhrenthal?
* This is the darkest timeline
=== Guardians of the Keep, and a new mission? ===
* The castle is used to defend against Goblin tribes, and to the West there is a huge river, with a single bridge across to the Castle
* Next morning a group of 3 approach this bridge and cautiously the team meet them
* Apparently they are from the Castle Fallamora, and are shocked to find it empty as they were out investigating the recent spike in goblin activity
* They are Elores, a blonde human woman who takes the lead, Kaze a male Elf and Azul, an older human
* They show deference to Bunk as an Emissary, as none have been seen in a while - they do know of Lorella but again havent seen her recently
* Overnight Jdango dreams vividly of a Blue Dragon held somewhere overground
* Bunk is awoken in the night by a Raven that quickly turns into a human, introducing himself as Tover - he said he has been sent by King Valdanor, as something of great value has been discovered in a mine somewhere to the North
* Fish and Greenskin barge into the room and cannot see who Bunk is talking to. Jdanho’s also somehow blue’d himself so we need a new nickname
* Also speaks Draconic all of a sudden on that rosetta stone overnight shiz
* The Dragonborn are now full on following Jdango, believing him to be their dead King - now that he speaks Draconic we find out.. Jack shit. They were dead now they are not, but they do what they're told
* Egos the top boy stays with the troops, we take Saora and 2 more to go help 2 local villages while the other 3 check out 2 more as the Goblin horde are attacking!
=== The Village People aka why you should never split the party ===
* They take horses for once, but on the road quickly come across a small Goblin party - Bunk HEROICALLY engages them and pursues, beginning a fight with some big fuck off Hedgehog - archers in the distance rain down on him but he suddenly realises his companions are busy sucking each others dicks and not helping him
* After bravely slaying them all, ehum, and escaping, finds the others for a quick nap
* We find tiger tracks but no tiger, probably the same Goblin Druid - somehow back from the dead
* The first town is pretty much empty, but they are quickly under siege by a Goblin attack, fucking Travis Etin’s getting traded for smite crits instead of old shitty TEs
* Jdango, after having failed to lead the party to the town in time, plays human shield for the fish and dies thrice and falls from a roof. All in a day's work.
* The proceed towards the mine, 
== Going Goblin Mode ==
=== Mine Campers ===
* As our boys and dragons approach the mine they see a pallisade set up with two watch towers to the East, but to the North hundreds of Goblins are beginning to attack
* The team head them off, Bunk again charging at the little green bastards
* Battle commences with a number of giants being felled as well as a ballista weapon taking shots at the fish and nearly killing him
* Our heroes victorious, join the camp to find they are refugees from the nearby towns, and meet our old bird friend Tover
* Tover tells of a mysterious power in the mine and we head on down, leaving defence to the rest of the militiamen
* What we find is another gold circle teleportation thing with water and a monster in there, Fish's PTSD kicks in and he tries to solo Jdango while Bunk is stuck in a fucking hole
* Jdango ignores Orenthal's invite to 'put your hand in', slays the water creature, jams the fish into a hole head first, crit cunt punches his taint and knocks him out, then sends two arrows through his torso when he doesn't stay down
* Fish, 0-4 vs his comrades now, goes down, huzzah
* The water creature was one of those clone making muh fuckers, and we find a Tover shaped skeleton in his pool so welp this NPC ain't gonna help much
* Fish is revived, turns out he doesn't remember anything since the last time he went bonkers and tried to kill us, he had to narrow it down a bit but it was the blur knight back at Castle F - there is a necrotic scar on his torso that had been hidden.
* Outside there is one big fuck off battle, literally hundreds of Goblins invade, we get some nice Macho Man Bunky Savage action, Stormcaller shows up, Jdango does shit from 3 different classes badly - usual shit
* So. many. goblins. We have to leg it and decide the Snake should pay for our cowardice, ssssssso long sssssucker!
=== Escape and return to Fallamora ===
*Right, Bunk covers the rear, Fish is long gone, get into the tunnel, oh you know what's going to happen don't you?
*Fish tries to kill Bunk
*Accidentally
*We get the fuck out of dodge and for some reason split the party again, Bunk takes the strong guys, Team Blue take the rest
*3 guys die all from, one of the teams I don't remember
*It's fucking level up time baby
*Absolute pandemonium at the castle, Dragonborn not quite the best bouncers in the world it seems, that red and white shirt does look good with the blue mind. Reject and Daterape gone wild - pissin' beds and takin' heads.
*We get back to the castle and find our adventure trio
*Some cunt has poisoned the well which is frowned upon in dragon culture
*Elores is starving so we go off to pick up some takeaway
*We find out the Goblins have a king! named after PT's daughter which is odd - Eire Rekiyon or something?
*Bunkhemoth decides an Emissary shouldn't walk, and summons his mighty steed, Ceratotherium
*Find Kaze, find Goblins!
 I'm here so I don't get fined - Orenthal holding a fuckload of skittles
*
=== Who dis Bunka up on dat Rhinageros? ===
*The militia lead by some bungling retard, aren't really getting going
*Goblin mounted Worgs bear down on us, Jdango spike growths em up and Bunk flies in aboard Cerato
*Fucking WARBEAST! Bunk Thunder Smites him over and the goblins go flying - we find the laughing boy and it's wearing pink pyjamas
*This guy really doesn't like being hit, almost as much as Bunk likes his smooth as eggs balls
*Orenthal, obviously still mind controlled, helps out the militia and drops some BUG FURY on 'em
*Jdohn Wick drops a no-scope 360 killing Goblins and Worgs alike
*Cerato the MVP gores directly through the Warbeast
*Bunk misses twice more on the Pink ranger before Cerato stomps him out
=== Rescue Mission and some sus townspeople ===
* There is another village to be rescued, couple of big battles on the way but once we're there we find a group of 3 wagons and shitload of villagers
* On the journey back to the Castle these ungrateful mofos are whining and bitching a lot, we try to calm emotions by killing 2 of them. Results vary.
* Wagons are under attack and we slowly realise there are imposter goblins pretending to be townspeople - they are the reason the wagons are breaking and the townspeople are kicking off.
* Jdango chases a third person towards the woods and hogties him - the gang smoke him and his friends.
* https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BoLGsgZTnjk
=== The Goblin Siege aka going Ballista-ic (plus a history lesson) ===
* We return to the castle, and a battle council consisting of the little girl Thea, Elores and Kaze and our heroes meet to discuss the plan for the Goblin attack as they are now readying at the end of the bridge
* To begin, we find out a lot about the world and it's history. Originally The Twelve each had a kingdom, Unus ruled this one while Kett the Trader had the Empire
* There was a golden age until suddenly all of the Gods disappeared, the Emissaries took over as shepherds of the kingdoms, and included all races not just the Lox, these guys then also left about 100 years ago
* Loxodon were bred by the Twelve, Elores mentions seeing Lorella - but i missed what else she said - maybe it was 100 years ago? Is she an elf? *ANT*
* The Goblins begin their attack on the Castle, several days and nights of battles with winged beasts supporting the goblins
* We defend valiantly, including some bad ass ballistic shiz
=== A dream and a mission ===
* Jdango wakes up in the night, hearing some predictably weird shit in the Fish's room. Gathers Bunk and we investigate
* oh wow, blood magic, quelle surprise
* Turns out he's not the one doing it for once, there is some evil dude in there who is tough as nails
* On dying it turns out he is actually a Goblin himself, he has scars and cuts all over him and we think they are sacrificing run of the mill gobbers to make these super blood magic ones, leaves behind a pretty nice lookin' cloak
* Jdango doubles the guard inside the castle just in case anyone else infilitrated the ranks during the attack - the Dragonborn are tasked with checking for anyone wearing similar looking cloaks of disuguise
* The Dragonborn report that the fish is now wearing a cloak of disguise...standard
* Jdango is awoken the following night by sounds from the Fish's room - he bursts through the door without a second thought.
* There are no dark tendrils or other people this time, just the fish sweating through his favourite Eagles jersey, muttering unintelligible words
* Jdango enters his mind via message to check that everything is ok - it goes quiet. He says he is.
* In his dream a voice told him he needs to get to the place where there there are 3 blue rocks if he wants to survive the next night.
* Without hesitation, we grab warriors and steeds
* REGULATORS...mount up!
== Uriel Lightbringer ==
=== Hang on, we've been here before ===
* Elores and her crew say the fish is talking about the water shrine - it's a few kilometres away and across the bridge, they say it's magical and is the source of the river that runs below the castle
* We ride out, using a Dragon distraction attack on the Goblins
* As we approach, bits of goblins are lying around, some big fucker is casting a spell
* Huge battle ensues, he's doing some dark shit, a number of blood magic goblin zombie things are involved as well
* We realise the fuckin mushrooms grow from deadbodies, ITS BLOOD MAGIC!!
* Once safe we investigate and realise this is the same temple we've been to before which had Lorella's sarcophogus inside
* Fish uses his bracer, turns off the fackin' water but does return to it's watery form!
* Speaks to it for ages, i think the river is the primordial soup, where all these little symbiotic elementals live together and this one has split off
* Gives him the ability to detect magic at will, and also get a +2 AC reaction for 60 seconds, fucking OP fish
* We find the Sarcophogus, it is the same but our one seemed a lot older, this one doesn't seem nearly as old even though we've only gone back a few hundred years?
* Goblins and giants attack the temple, hellbent on destroying it..they fail
* Bunkhemoth and Jdango open the sarcophogus: Inside is Lorella, but isn't she alive? her armour is there, but I'm wearing it? The armour and our weapons all glowing but this one isn't...
* Turns out we're gonna die though so not that important
* More goblins and giants swarm the temple and rush towards the underground chamber
* BOOM! The building shakes and the door cracks.
* Sensing the end, Jdango cuts his hand and slaps the sarcophogus - it goes us here so why wouldn't it take us away?
* Nothing happens
* BOOM! Rocks fall from above and the hordes begin to overrun the remaining Dragonborn
* Fish sees some blood magic happening and wants in immediately. He cuts his hand and slaps the sarcophogus.
* Nothing happens
* BOOM! The door begins to creak and crumble
* They both turn to Bunkhemoth...he doesn't want to try magic - he's ready to fight
* The heroes all ready their weapons and walk towards the door, a lot of love is shared and a lot of damage is ready to be inflicted
* It's been emotinal!
=== The artist futurely known as Holdron ===
* Holy fucken shit it's Holdron, except he's not old and decrepit! Refined beard, nice clothes
* He nukes the outside forces, saves our asses, and is very confused
* Seems to know we're from a different time (or are we?!) - recognises Bunk as a Loxodon
* He is advisor to King Valdanor, but is an Aasimar not a human! or a drug addict, same as Mythril, another descendant race of the Ancients/The Twelve
=== Holdron Lore Dump!! ===
* He has returned from the capital, and gives us as much information as he has
* The Ancients created the Aasimars, the Caretakers, 1,000 years ago, before disappearing 100 years later
* There was a golden age where the council ruled for 500 years before they left to try and find fallen Aasimar
* Arkabess creates 'The Schism' and was hunted by the Caretaker Aasimar
* Uriel knows of Mythril, both Caretakers
* There was a great edict passed down, not to use Ancient weapons - are Bunk's sword and armour part of this?
* Knows of the Hijos de la Oscuridad - Dragonborn (sons of the shadow)
* Tells us more about the King, he is a follower of Unus but there are two other Kingdoms and they're at the brink of war
* Has to leave again for the Capital
== The Battle of the Bridge ==
=== Goblins getting impatient! ===
* We get a period of distant attacks along the bridge, using big ass bows and shit
* Orenthal has a little stealth mission and we get some big beautiful battles with warbeasts and trolls and shit
* Eventually, we end up face to face on the bridge with big E - he challenges us to a competition of heroes and before Bunk can take his rightful place fucken blue green boy pipes up and shit
* We have an uneasy truce leading up to the battle and are trying to show the impact of the blood magic, Eir Rekion and the others think it's a big lie and shit
* In the night, sleeping in their camp, we get jumped agian by some blood baddies, annihilating them but whoops no bodies and they still don't believe us and shit
=== Let's settle this like (green) gentlemen ===
* Oh shit son, it's green on green as Eir Rekion and Jdango are going toe to toe
* Huge crowds, betting, chicanery, all sorts - Orenthal is hunting out Blood Magic
* Jdango starts getting his shit pushed in while we are searching the crowd
* Jdango about to die (again)
* We found it! Smoke monster! Nuclear blasts going off!
=== The enemy of my enemy is my friend ===
* FINALLY these gobbers believe us as we put down our differences to merk some evil doers
* Victory
* We manage to settle our differences, agree to leave the goblins on their side of the river
* Next stop the capital, Eir Rekion is now one of us! Pretty nice fella all in all
== Let's Meet the King! ==
=== A capital idea what what ===
* We take the long road down south, most people shitting themselves seeing the goblins but then lucky an Emissary leads them
* There's a lot of shit going on, the old king divided his kingdom between 3 children and they're all dickheads
* There is some teleporty business afoot, Uriel knows some of it so the Fish spends 6 weeks in a library 'reading'
* Lots of political stuff of these dumbass siblings, Bunk and Jdango lead a party to squash some rebels
=== Double Dragon Disc ===
* Right so these teleporter thingys have discs or something and one of them is like a big disc and maybe urr it can send us home?
=== Who the fuck is this demon ===
*We 3 plus Goblin King get pulled into a evil dimension and have to defeat a fucking huge and strong monster, but its one on 3 pretty much and he gets mega smited down eventually 
*Uriel gives us some more info, he's got brothers doing the same shit around and they're onto this demon shit, says we need this Dragon Disc
*Bunk ends up following the path of the emisarry and getting some new sick powaz
*Jdango also following Ordan's holy light
*Orenthal gets even more powerful by refusing to multiclass and fuck his character up
== We're going home boys ==
*
=== Sailing on da ocean ===
*We are given a direction, a boat and a thumbs up
=== It's elemental my dear watson ===
*Water elementals, fire, thunder, heart, you name it, we sail by, we kill
*Some big ass CRAB MOUTAIN, shit son time to run
=== Land hoooooooooooo ===
* We get to the island, seems pretty weird
* Splitting up and doing some research, fight some birds on a cliff and find a nice spot where the dwarves would test themselves
* There are some very weird and evil creatures around, feels like something has infected this island
* We find a temple! it's been overrun by the island and there are some funky dwarves around
* Pull a few away, smoke a few others, they summon a demon (not a good sign) which is also dispatched
=== WE GOT IT! ===
* We sneak our way into the temple, surprisingly quiet
* Find a couple bad bois doing a ritual, get the jump on them and proceed
* Going deeper down there's a fucking mummy holding the disc, and chanting from down below, shit is weird
* ANTI MAGIC FIELD OHHH SHEET
* oh wait Bunk just cut it's head off and runs off with THE DISC
* it hurttttttts, Jdango takes that shit and ascends?!
* Orenthal, catches a stray to his blood magic
* Time to go home right? 
* We hear whimpering and crying but this time it's not the Fish it's 57 dwarf kids, oh shit
* Slaves? Jdango lovin this shit, time to ditch these fuckers on a boat then go home?
* We start hustling but there is some dark shit going on, Lost smoke type shit
* Orenthal tries blowing it
* Insect plague!! "DM bullshit" damage that avoids some resitance and has 30hp each so immune to NUCLEAR CRIT
* Jdango-ing off the chain, thunder boi number 2!
* Orental sunbeaming mother fuckers, max lightning mother fuckers
* Oh shit, Bunk dropping 2 HP THUNDERWAVE!! we are the thunda bois
* More like gone-stitution am i rite?
* We barely scrape ourselves back to the boat - time to go home!
=== The end of Noah's arc? ===
* back to the ship with the disc
* mental malt gets blown...turns dragon
* shit gets misty again
* a fucking t rex?
* go wolverine on that bitch
* ordan and arkabess pull some m night shamalayan shit
* click your heels 3 times and go back to Puerto Africanosa
*
*
Category:Timelines