Hotel Transylvania 2/Transcript

[The film starts as the camera goes through the thick forest and the heavy fog. There lies Hotel Transylvania, a sanctuary for monsters from across the globe. As we enter the hotel, we look up to see a spider web that reads “Congratulations, Mavis and Jonathan.” Today was the marriage of Mavis and Jonathan, for the place was getting set for the big day. Fifth Harmony's "I'm in Love with a Monster" plays. Zombies rolled out the carpet, which was then dirtied up by passing monsters in a matter of seconds. Dracula greets the monsters as they arrive for the wedding.]
DRACULA: (greeting the monsters) Welcome! Welcome!
YETI: (shakes Drac's hand) Congrats, Drac. Holy smokes, everybody's here.
[Frank and Eunice walk by. Johnny's family then enters the hotel. They look around in fear at the monsters roaming in the hotel. A suit of armor speaks up to them, surprising them.]
SUIT OF ARMOR: (speaks up to them) Mr. and Mrs. Loughran, the parents of the groom, and family.
[The monsters stop to notice the human family. The Loughrans walk down nervously. Johnny finds them.]
JONATHAN: (walks up to them) Mom and Dad!
LINDA: (hugs Johnny) Johnny!
JONATHAN: (hugs his relatives) I can't believe you're all here.
[Cut to photos with Johnny's family, Mavis, Dracula, and other monsters. Though due to Dracula and Mavis being vampires, they didn't cast a reflection. Soon every monster and human got to their seats in the venue.]
MURRAY: (excitedly at a female mummy) Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah! (to Griffin) Yo, how hot is my date?
GRIFFIN: (nods) So hot. Wow. How 'bout how hot mine is?
MURRAY: (confused) You got a date?
GRIFFIN: (nods) Yeah. She's invisible. That's why you can't see her.
FRANK: (disbelieving) Oh, right. This is the one from "Canada"?
GRIFFIN: (shushes him) Shh. Wedding's starting.
[The wedding starts with Brett with Kelsey. A monster waves at them and Kelsey puts her hand in her mouth. A human flower girl appears, but the wolf pups attack her. Then, Mavis appears and Dracula imagines Mavis was young and smiled. Johnny puts the wedding ring on Mavis' finger and just as they were about to kiss, Dracula stops them with a shrunken head and asks them to kiss a little faster, and they did kiss. Everyone then cheered. Then cut to Marty speaking in his language.]
JONATHAN: (raises a goblet) True. So true, Marty.
[Johnny's parents are confused. Cut to Mavis and Johnny cutting the screaming wedding cake into slices and putting the screaming slices on the plates and they jump off the plate. Cut to everyone dancing.]
ELDERLY GREMLIN: (while dancing with her husband) Aw. How sweet.
[Blobby comes to Linda to dance with her.]
LINDA: (surprised) Oh, my. Look at you. (Gets inside Blobby) Oh, my gosh. (Johnny helps her get out of Blobby.) Oh.
[Cut to Mavis and Johnny dancing. Dracula dances with Mavis while Linda dances with Johnny. Dracula and Mavis dance on the ceiling.]
DRACULA: (smiles warmly) Is it everything you wanted, my little poisonberry?
MAVIS: (smiles warmly) Oh, it is, Daddy. (then frowns) Except where's Grandpa Vlad?
DRACULA: (while twirling her) Honey, your gramps would not have been cool with this. He's old-school.
MAVIS: (wondering) How do we know? If he could just meet Johnny...
DRACULA: (as they dance) He would have eaten him. He's not as enlightened as your hip Daddy.
MAVIS: (quizzically) So, you're really okay with him not being a monster?
DRACULA: (smiles to Mavis) Human, monster, unicorn, as long as you're happy.
MAVIS: (smiles warmly) Thanks, Dad.
[The scene cuts to Dracula singing a song to Mavis and Johnny.]
DRACULA: (singing) And you'll always be my moonlight, but now on wings of love you soar. Now that you're Johnny's girl, Johnny's girl. And kind of Daddy's, too. Your mom would be so happy 'cause she always knew Love is making room for all the best in you.
[Everyone cheers for the song. Bigfoot cries and accidentally soaks Linda. As Linda pants in shock, Mike sheepishly offers her a handkerchief. Linda stares at her husband. The next year, Dracula is painting a painting of Todd. Mavis and Johnny enter the room.]
MAVIS: (as she and Johnny enter) Hey, dad. 
DRACULA: (notices the two) Oh, hey, guys! (to the Picasso-esque figure from what Drac was painting) Todd, take a break. (the figure walks off) So, what's up?
JOHNNY: (smiles) Mavis was wondering if maybe you wanted to go for a fly.
DRACULA: (confused) Oh. We haven't done that in forever. Any special reason?
JOHNNY: (grinning) No special reason at all. (giggles) Right, Mavey? (giggles)
DRACULA: (quizzically) What’s his deal?
MAVIS: (walks with her dad) He's silly. It's just a beautiful night, and... Well, if you don't want to...
DRACULA: (smiling) No, no! Are you kidding? I would eat a bucket of garlic to fly with you.
[Mavis jumps from the balcony and goes into her bat form. Dracula soon follows her and does a swan dive from the air to falling to the water. The two flew merrily outside the hotel and flew up to the clouds.]
DRACULA: (in bat form) Oh, honey, look at those fluffy clouds. Remember what we played when you were little? Hide and Go Seek Sharp Objects? (sees that Mavis is gone) Okay. Regular Hide and Go Seek. (begins searching for her) Where are you? Honeybat! Mavey! Honeybat! I'm gonna get you.
[As he flew, he heard his daughter panting in one of the clouds.]
DRACULA: (in bat form) Honey, are you okay? 
MAVIS: (in bat form) Yes. It's just a little harder to catch my breath since I'm pregnant.
DRACULA: (in bat form) Yes, well, I guess that would make it more... What?
[He saw that his daughter’s belly is big, indicating her pregnancy. The bat dad zoomed up in the air in happiness.]
DRACULA: (in bat form) Whoo-hoo! I’m gonna be a grandpa!
JOHNNY: (offscreen) And I’m gonna be a dad!
[Back at the hotel, Johnny sang his version of Daddy’s Girl to Mavis in her room.]
Johnny: (sings) Cause you're Daddy's girl, or boy. Daddy's girl, or boy.
Mavis: (sighs) I'm hungry again, honey. Can you get me some ice cream with anchovies?
Dracula: (zooms into the room) No, no, no. You mustn't give in to your cravings. It's not good for the baby. You need to increase your spider intake, so he'll be able to climb ceilings properly. And eat lots of sheep bile.
Mavis: (frowns) Dad, but we don't even know if the kid's gonna be a vampire. (smiles) I'd be thrilled if the baby's human-y, just like Johnny.
Dracula: (frowns) "Human-y. " With thousands of years of Dracula genes. Not gonna happen.
Mavis: (rubs her belly) As long as the baby’s healthy.
Dracula: (smiles) Of course. A healthy little vampire.
Mavis: (chimes in) Or human.
Dracula: (smiles) Yes, a human who can fly as a bat. (hands her a bowl of soup) Here. Just have some monster ball soup. It's your mommy's recipe.
Mavis: (teary-eyed) Aw! Thank you, Dad. Just like you made it when I was a kid. My favorite. (cries)
[The monster balls cried, too, though one of them ate up the soup.]
Monster Ball: (apologetically) Sorry.
[Months passed by, and Dracula marked an X on Friday the 13th on the calendar. It was time for the baby to come out. He was ready to enter Room 651 when a fanged doctor stepped in.]
Fanged Doctor: (stops Dracula) Sir, only the father is allowed in the delivery room. 
Dracula: (frowns) Really? (as he's pushed away) I mean, okay. He's the family, I guess.
[Soon, the orderly handed a healthy baby boy to a nurse, who happens to be Dracula in disguise.]
Dracula: (in disguise) Oh, look! It's a boy! It's a boy! The Dracula bloodline carries on! No one will ever harm you as long as I'm here, my little devil dog.
Mavis: (knows it's Dracula in disguise) Dad, can I hold my baby?
Dracula: (in disguise) If I were Dad, I'd say yes. But I'm the nurse, Francine. (hands her the baby) Here you go anyway. 
[A zombie orderly looked at “Francine” lovingly and was ready to make a move on her, but Dracula roared at him.]
Zombie Orderly: (moans) My bad.
[One year later, the baby boy, Dennis, had his first birthday party. Everyone was here.]
Johnny: (proudly) Little Dennis is a year old now. Wow!
[Dennis blew out the candle, which was on top of a small monster’s head.]
Small Monster: (sarcastic) Nice. Yeah. Cute kid. (walks off)
Mavis: (picks up Dennis) Okay, time for presents, guys.
Murray: (spins in) All right! Let's do this boy up! Check out what I got him. (holds up a gold medallion) Bling!
Wayne: (amazed) Wow. Is it cursed?
Murray: (grins) Super cursed. Only the best. Straight from the crypt.
Johnny: (concerned) He's just starting to walk, so maybe it's heavier than…
[The mummy hung the medallion around the boy, but it was heavy for Dennis, and he fell over. He starts crying.]
Dracula: (to the crying Dennis) Oh. (lifts him up and he stops crying) You're okay, Denisovich.
Grandpa Mike: (walks in) His name is Dennis. Named after my father. 
Dracula: (smiling) It's not his vampire name. (cuddles Dennis) My little Denisovichy-Weesovichy.
Grandma Linda: (quizzically) Huh! Are we sure he's a vampire? I mean, not that it's a bad thing, but shouldn't he have fangs and that pasty skin you guys have? 
Wayne: (walks in) Technically, you have until you're five to get your vampire fangs.
Dracula: (smiling) Oh, he'll get his fangs. He's a Dracula. 
Grandpa Mike: (hands Dennis an action figure) He's also half Loughran. Maybe he'd be better off where we live. There's more humans there. 
Dracula: (frowns) What? Look how well he's playing with the wolf pups.
[He sets the infant down and Dennis saw a few wolf pups licking the medallion, so he licked his action figure.]
Eunice: (she and Frank walk in) We have a present. I hope it’s acceptable. (hands Dracula a small guillotine)
Dracula: (happily) “My First Guillotine.” Very educational. Well played, Frank.
Mavis: (unsure) It's great. Thank you. (takes the small guillotine away) We just have to baby-proof that. (to Johnny) Johnny, do you know where you put the rubber guards?
Eunice: (frowning) Baby-proofing a guillotine? So you cut your finger off. It's part of the fun. 
Dracula: (frowning) She made me baby-proof the whole hotel. Someone's overprotective.
[Zombie employees were seen putting rubber guards on the tips of suits of armors’ spears and witches’ noses. Next, a gate was put at the end of the stairway ledge, though one zombie fell over it. Then, the toilet was locked, and a cyclops had to pull the entire toilet out, only for a huge spurt of water to hit him out of the restroom before he could sit down. Days passed by as Dennis grew by a few inches. One morning, or night...]
Mavis: (offscreen) Johnny, come quick!
[Dracula and Jonathan have just burst through the door after hearing Mavis calling them.]
Dracula: (concerned) What's up, he's okay?
Mavis: (joyfully) Dennis said his first word!
Dracula: (amazed) He did?
Mavis: (to Dennis) Come on, honey. Say it again!
Dennis: (babbles) Bleh, bleh-bleh.
Dracula: (frowns in annoyance) I don't say "bleh, bleh-bleh".
Mavis: (chuckles) We didn't say you did.
Dracula: (quizzically) Then where did he get that?
Dennis: (babbles) Bleh, bleh-bleh.
Mavis: (smiles mischievously) Well, maybe sometimes you say it.
Dracula: (annoyed) I only say it when I say I don't say it!
Dennis: (babbles) Bleh, bleh-bleh.
Dracula: (dismayed) Okay, kid, we get it. You can talk. (softening) Denisovich... (checks Dennis' mouth for fangs)
Mavis: (offscreen) Dad...
Dracula: (smiling) Just checking for cavities. (hastily leaves the room)
Mavis: (imitating her father) Bleh, bleh-bleh.
Dennis: (babbles) Bleh, bleh-bleh.
Dracula: (pops back down from the ceiling) It was you!
[Mavis, Johnny, and Dennis smile mischievously. The hotel was packed with monsters and humans, now that there was peace between the two races. A zombie worker was using a smartphone to distort the face of a grotesque monster while the old-fashioned phone was ringing.]
Human Fly: (laughs) Oh, my goodness, Leonard. If you really looked that hideous, I don't think I could hang out with you.
Dracula: (to the monsters) Guys, what's the deal? Is this a party? Pick up a phone. I don't care if Johnny said it's a "cool app. " Johnny's still new here. (to another zombie using a computer) Now, Porridge Head, did you call a hearse for the Gremlinbergs? No, you're checking your Facebook page. Again.
[Soon, Johnny came with a hipster zombie on his phone.]
Johnny: (calmly) Drac, I told the guys social media is the best way to promote the hotel. Right, Clifton? (the hipster zombie nods) So, Drac, I wanted to go through some thoughts I had as your new human relations coordinating co-assistant.
Dracula: (zips to his side) Sure. It's a real job. Not a cheap excuse to keep Mavis happy, so you never leave here.
Johnny: (as they walk) Right. So, I was thinking, since we have so many humans now, maybe update some of the acts? Like, maybe the magician?
Dracula: (confused) What’s wrong with Harry Three-Eye?
Johnny: (concerned) Well, he might be a little old-school for the humans.
[We cut to Harry Three-Eye’s magic act.]
Harry Three-Eye: (to the Gill Man) Tell me, sir, what was your card?
Gill Man: (guessing) Uh, the three of spades?
Harry Three-Eye: (rips out the Gill Man’s heart) Is this your card, my friend? (the heart spits out the card)
Gill Man: (amazed) Whoa!
[The monsters applaud, though the humans are stunned at this disturbing sight. We go back to Drac and Johnny.]
Dracula: (responds) No, Harry's great. Can't blame Harry for the crowd not being hip.
Johnny: (concerned) Okay, what about Wayne?
Dracula: (shocked) Wayne? Are you nuts? He's my boy. 
Johnny: (quizzically) Then maybe something other than tennis?
[We go to the tennis court with a man and Wayne.]
Wayne: (instructing) Okay, so, what you wanna do is lift the racket right on impact, so you get that nice top spin. Try and hit one.
[The man hits the ball with his racket, and Wayne chases after it. He grabbed it, put it underground, and pants like a dog. Back with Drac and Johnny, something rumbled in the vampire’s pants.]
Dracula: (scared) What is that? What's the noise? It's on me!
Johnny: (gets the cell phone out of Drac’s pants) It's just the cell phone I got you. Clifton's sending you a text so you can practice how to write back.
[Dracula tries to tap on the phone, but his nails prevent him from doing so.]
Dracula: (annoyed) Eh... What the... It's not doing it.
Johnny: (calmly) I got it. (reads the text message) Dear Drac, urgh grgh mrgh. (stops reading) Now you can text back.
Dracula: (frowns) All right, fine. (tries to tap on the phone) How do you do this?
Johnny: (calmly) Maybe it's your fingernails. It's easy. (gets out his phone) Look. I'll text Mavis. (texts) Psyched for date night. See? And now look, she texted right back. "Gotta cancel. Can't leave Dennis. " Okay. Are we never allowed to be alone again? I need to feel loved, too. And send.
Dracula: (sarcastic) Okay. All that taught me is that you're pathetic. 
Johnny: (winces) Yeah, got it. Maybe you should just get Bluetooth. 
Dracula: (frowns) Okay. Blue Tooth, come over here!
[A living blue tooth walks over to them.]
Dracula: (quizzically) So, now what?
[Johnny looks in shock. Later, Dracula went into Dennis’ room.]
Dracula: (warmly) Rise and shine, my Denisovich.
Dennis: (wakes up) Hi, papa.
Dracula: (warmly) Hello, my little devil. Did you have sweet nightmares?
Dennis: (nods) Uh-huh. I dreamed that I saw a stegosaurus.
Dracula: (perks up) Oh…. and were you drinking his blood?
Dennis: (happily) No.
Dracula: (nonchalant) Just throwing it out there. Hey! You want to do something cool?
Dennis: (happily) Yeah!
Dracula: (sets Dennis on the floor) I'm going to teach you how to turn into a bat. Like me. (turns into a bat) See?
Dennis: (amazed) Cool.
Dracula: (turns back into vampire) Yes! Cool, like I said. Now you try.
Dennis: (throws his arms in joy) I'm a bat. (flaps his arms and runs around) I'm a bat. I'm a bat. I'm a bat. I'm a bat. 
Dracula: (frowns) I mean, a real bat.
Dennis: (happily) I'm a bat! (blows raspberries)
Dracula: (assures Dennis) Denisovich. Take a breath. You can really turn into a bat. Try. Feel the bat.
[Dennis flapped his arms like a chicken.]
Dracula: (chuckles) Not a chicken.
[He then moved his arms like an electric boogaloo.]
Dracula: (smirks) What's that? The electric boogaloo? If I show you I can bust a move, will you try to fly, then?
Dennis: (happily) Uh-huh.
[Drac and his cape start dancing to Flo Rida “GDFR” as Dennis joins in on the beat. Soon, Mavis showed up and the music stopped.]
Mavis: (quizzically) Dad? Why are you guys dancing?
Dracula: (sheepishly) Uh, he was sleep-dancing. 
Mavis: (picks up Dennis) Come on, sweetie. Back to bed.
Dracula: (confused) “Back to bed?” It’s already after 8 P.M.
Mavis: (sets Dennis in bed) Don't you remember the new sleep schedule? He's going to human classes half the day.
Dracula: (shocked) Uh….
Mavis: (concerned) If he could just sleep till 2:00 A.M. tonight, it'd be so great for him.
Dracula: (tries to reason with Mavis) But, honeydeath, six of Wayne's wolf pups are having a birthday party tonight. You wouldn't want him to miss that.
Mavis: (concerned) Dad, I love the wolf pups, but they're a little too rough for Dennis.
Dracula: (confused) “Too rough?”
Mavis: (as Dennis yawns) Haven't you noticed? Dennis is different. 
Dracula: (confused) What are you saying? Denisovich shouldn't be around monsters? 
Dennis: (excited) I love monsters! (hops up and down) Video! Video!
Dracula: (amazed) Ha!
Mavis: (smiles) Oh, you wanna show Papa Drac your monster video? 
Dennis: (excited) Yeah!
[He turns on the TV to show a children’s program.]
Announcer: (on TV) Who’s the coolest monster?
Dennis and Audience: (excited) Kakie!
[A silly-looking costumed monster with a cake on his head and hand appeared onscreen. It was Kakie.]
Kakie: (on screen) Wee! Kakie one happy monster! Kakie love cake! Yummy! Tummy get a tummy ache.
Dracula: (dismayed) Whoa, whoa, whoa. How is that a monster?
Kakie: (on screen) Have some cake, Wuzzlelumplebum. Remember, kids, a real monster always shares.
Dracula: (dismayed) "Shares"? Yes! When I think monsters, I think "shares." (to Dennis) Now, let me tell you what a real monster is, Denisovich.
Mavis: (frowns) Dad, please. He's practically five already. Don't force it.
[She takes Dennis back to his bed as Dracula watches.]
Kakie: (on screen) Slow down, Wuzzlelumplebum. The scariest monster of all is diabetes. (chuckles happily)
[Mavis is singing a lullaby to help Dennis go to sleep.]
Mavis: (to Dennis; singing) Twinkle twinkle, little star. How I wonder who you are.
Dennis: (frowns) Mommy, I'm too old for lullabies.
Dracula: (comes up beside the bed) What? That's not how that one goes.
Mavis: (as she tucks Dennis in bed) This is the way most people sing it.
Dracula: (confused) Most people? What's wrong with (sings) "Suffer, suffer, scream in pain. Blood is spilling from your brain"?
Mavis: (chuckles) Daddy...
Dracula: (smiling) Come on. You know how I sang it to you.
Dracula and Mavis: (singing) Zombies gnaw you like a plum. Piercing cries and you succumb.
Dracula: (singing softly) Suffer, suffer, scream in pain. You will never breathe again. (sees that his lullaby caused his grandson and daughter to fall asleep) Still works.
[The next day, the wolf pups were celebrating their birthday. There were kids playing in the bounce house, while others were catching fireflies like frogs.]
Wanda: (touched) Aw…
[Soon, Dennis, Mavis, and Johnny, arrive.]
Dennis: (happily) Happy birthday, Wally, Wilson, Whoopi, Waylon, Weepy and Wanye.
Dracula: (zooms to Dennis) Denisovich! My big boy! You made it!
Mavis: (to Dracula) I thought about what you said, Dad. Maybe I was being a little overprotective.
Dracula: (smiles warmly) Thank you, coffin cake.
[Winnie has spotted Dennis and tackled him out of Dracula's hands.]
WINNIE: (knocks him to the ground) Dennis, I love you! Zing!
DENNIS: (gets to his feet) Hi, Winnie.
WINNIE: (climbs onto his head) I just love your yummy strawberry locks! (glomps him) Zing zing!
[Dennis laughs as she licks him.]
WANDA: (squirts Winnie with water) Winnie. Give him his space, hon. (to Mavis) I'm sorry, Mavis.
Mavis: (accepting) It’s okay, Aunt Wanda. They're just playing. (sees some kids playing limbo including Blobby’s kid who went through it) Holy rabies! Limbo? I used to love that game!
Dracula: (encouraging) Get in there, Mavey.
Mavis: (unsure) Really? But I’m a parent now.
Dracula: (encouraging) Show ‘em how it’s done.
Mavis: (excited) Okay. Okay, okay.
[She goes over to the bar and hovers underneath. She then noticed a pinata hanging from a tree.]
Mavis: (excited) No way! A pinata?
[She turns into a bat and grabs a stick.]
Wanda: (worries) Oh, Mavis, honey. That's for later.
[The bat starts whacking at the pinata.]
Wanda: (worries) We don't want the pups to have too much...
[But the pinata was broken, alerting the wolf pups.]
Wolf Pups: (excited) Candy!
[They devour all the candy from the broken pinata.]
Wanda: (frowns in dismay) Sugar.
[Having eaten lots of candy, the wolf pups go on a sugar rush. They bounce repeatedly in the bounce house until it deflates.]
Mavis: (turns back into vampire form) I’m sorry. Did I start all that?
Wayne: (assures Mavis) Don’t worry. There’s a reason they call it a litter.
[The pups tore across the birthday party in a wild frenzy. They ripped down the birthday sign, took Dennis along for the ride, stripped half of the Yeti to his underwear, and destroyed the phonogram. Dennis flew out of the pack and face planted the ground.]
Mavis: (scared) Dennis! Are you okay?
Dennis: (gets up and holds a piece of candy) I got a candy.
[They notice one tooth missing.]
Johnny: (amazed) Look! Your tooth came out. 
Mavis: (scared) Are you kidding me? He got his tooth knocked out?
Dracula: (grabs Dennis excitedly) Oh, yes, indeed. Here comes the fang.
Mavis: (scared) Dad. His baby tooth wasn't a fang. (grabs Dennis) Why would this one be? He's not a monster. (sets him down)
[Dennis showed Winnie his almost-full set of teeth, to which Winnie shows off her set of sharp teeth.]
Dennis: (impressed) Ooh!
Mavis: (worried) The sun's gonna come out soon, and we gotta get to his classes. (puts sunscreen on her face)
Dracula: (quizzically) What's wrong with the classes we have here? Like the kids' yoga?
[A small gill fish was seen getting stretched on a torture device.]
Green Gill Fish: (while being stretched) YOOOGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…!!
[We cut back to Dracula and Mavis.]
Dracula: (smiling) This is Denisovich's home.
Mavis: (worried) I don't know, Dad.
Dracula: (quizzically) What don't you know?
Mavis: (worried) Well, we've talking about moving, somewhere... safer for Dennis. Maybe where Johnny grew up in California. (wears a sunbro) I'm sorry, but you can't just make somebody something they're not. (to Dennis) Come on, honey. We have to go.
WINNIE: (sadly) Zing zing?
Dracula: (sadly) Mavey, wait. You can't mean that. (to Johnny, who was wearing a balloon crown; angrily) You're in on this? The leaving?
Johnny: (nervously) Uh... It's not definite at all. It's just something she's definitely talking about, but until we do it, it's not definitized.
[Dracula used his eyes to do some magic.]
Johnny: (frowns) Did he just cover me with birdseed? 
[On top of his head were birds feeding on the birdseed on his head.]
Johnny: (frowns) Yeah, he covered me.
[The birds pecked on him constantly. Drac is in his room picking out pajamas, upset that Mavis, Johnny, and Dennis might be leaving him.]
Dracula: (mocking Mavis) "Dad, it's not a fang! Dad, I don't know if it's the right place for Dennis! Right, Johnny?" (mocking Johnny) "Oh, hey, dude-man. It's not me, it's Mavy! Hey, dude-man! I'm afraid to say anything! Hey, dudeman! I'm a dude man!"
Frankenstein: (at the door and peeks in) Uh, Drac, who-who are you talking to?
Shrunken Head: (swinging) Do not disturb! The Count's wiggin' out in here! (Dracula starts brushing his fangs)
Frank: (quizzically) What are you wiggin' out about, Drac?
Dracula: (turns to Frank) The kids! Mavy-wavy saying she wants to leave! (gargles with blood red mouthwash as Frank talks)
Frank: (quizzically) She wants to leave? What about Johnny? He doesn't want to go. He's making the hotel more humany... for Dennis. You know, seeing that he isn't a monster. (Drac is flossing with a spider's web and breaks his string upon hearing this statement)
Dracula: (turns to Frank) He is a monster! He's just a late fanger.
Shrunken Head: (sarcastic) Mm-hmm, and I could be a hand model.
Dracula: (to the shrunken head) Shut up! (to Frank) It's all that human-y stuff that's confusing poor Denisovich. (waves and a bathroom opens up in the wall, goes inside and the wall seals back up)
Frank: (suggests an idea) So maybe you gotta get the kid around more monster-y things… (leans on the wall and accidentally opens Dracula's wardrobe closet) Ooh. Oh, I need a cape.
Dracula: (from inside the bathroom) I can't! She's always around checking up on me!
Frank: (goes in the closet and comes out wearing one of Dracula's outfits, which fits him very tight) Man, if you could just get some alone time…
Dracula: (from inside the bathroom) Wait a minute! That's what Johnny wants too - alone time with Mavis! 
[Frank chuckles at how he looks in Drac's outfit, but then all of a sudden starts suffocating from the tight clothes. He panics and pulls out a spatula to wedge some space around his neck.]
Frank: (straining) Ha-have they even had a vacation since before they were married?! (tries desperately to take off the outfit before Drac catches him wearing it and comes out of the bathroom as it seals up behind him, and at the same time, Frank just barely manages to get out of the outfit and put it back in the wardrobe before he sees Dracula.)
Dracula: (exits the bathroom) They're going to now, and so are we! Frank, you're a genius!
[He notices that Frank is shirtless and looks at him with a blank look on his face. Frank just stands there with an awkward smile on his face. He looks around the room, holds his hands, then clears his throat waiting for the awkward moment to pass as Dracula looks at him. Finally, Dracula speaks his mind.]
Dracula: (smiles with an idea) We'll take Denisovich to all our old haunts. 
[As he says it, he imagines himself and Dennis in the forest. 
Dracula: (voiceover) Each of us will show him our skills… teach him how to be a monster.
[He hunts and eats a white mouse while Dennis watches him in amazement and fangs suddenly sprout from his upper jaw. Fade to present day]
Dracula: (smiles) And he'll be fanging it up in no time!
Shrunken Head: (swinging) Boy turns 5 next week! If he's not a vampire by his birthday, it ain't happening!
Dracula: (retorts) Oh, it ain't ain't happening, baby! All he needs is time with his vampa!
Frank: (confused) "Vampa"?
Dracula: (exasperated) "Vampire grandpa." Come on, man! That's obvious!
[He knocks on Johnny’s door.]
Dracula: (quietly) Johnny. Come outside.
Johnny: (offscreen) What? Who is this?
Dracula: (quietly) It’s your father-in-law. I need to talk to you and the girls.
[Johnny answers the door while being covered in birds.]
Johnny: (nonchalant) What’s up?
Dracula: (notices) Oh. Let me get rid of them. (swats some birds away) Sorry.
Johnny: (nonchalant) No problem-o. I was kinda diggin' the attention. (refers to some baby birds) Can they stay? They're not ready to leave yet. 
Dracula: (to the baby birds) Come on. Go to your mother. (the baby birds fly off; to Johnny) Look, you want to stay here, right?
Johnny: (smiles) Of course. (hugs the wall) This is the first place where I can really be myself. I haven't felt this alive since they invented stuffed-crust pizza.
Dracula: (serious) Well, then, we've got some work to do. (whispers) Okay, so here's the plan. Maybe it's a good idea to take her to your hometown. But remember...
[Soon, Mavis and Johnny were outside as they were ready to go to the airport. Mavis was busy talking to Dracula.]
Mavis: (listing off) So, it's sliced avocado, rolled oats with apricot, the Aveeno moisturizer after every bath.
Dracula: (listing off) And then the shea butter on his tush before his PJs and then 20 minutes with the nebulizer while I read his Learning Factory Phonics book to him.
Mavis: (worried) It's asking a lot, Dad. We could just take Dennis with us.
Dracula: (assures Mavis) What? Are you kidding me? And get him off his routine? No, no, no. You kids go to California and see if it's the right place to raise Denisovich.
Mavis: (quizzically) And you remember how to video chat?
Dracula: (confirming) Yes, yes. With the phone and the buttons and the agony.
Mavis: (smiles to Drac) Thanks for being so understanding, Dad. I know you'll keep him safe.
Dracula: (smiles to Mavis) Of course, Mavey. Stake my heart and hope to die.
Mavis: (sets Dennis down) I'm just gonna miss him so much. (to Dennis; kisses his nose) I love you, Dennis.
Dennis: (kisses her nose) I love you, Mommy.
Dracula: (smiles warmly) I'll tell him Mavey Wavey stories every night before bed. 
Mavis: (hugs Dracula) You're the best. I love you, Dad. 
Johnny: (hugs Dracula) Gonna miss all you guys. You're all my family. Love you, Drac.
Dracula: (smiles warmly) Yes. I love you, too. (whispers to Johnny) Now, remember the plan. Just keep her distracted and happy. But not too happy, capisce?
Johnny: (whispers) Got it. Operation "Just Keep Her Distracted and Happy, "But Not Too Happy, Capisce," starts now. Cool?
Dracula: (whispers) Smiling on the outside.
Johnny: (whispers) Will you hug my backpack?
Dracula: (whispers) No.
[Dracula waved goodbye to the couple as they left for the airport.]
Dennis: (tired) Back to bed.
Dracula: (tilts Dennis's head up) Ah, yes, we'll get to the bed. We all love the bed. But we're just gonna do one thing first.
[He snaps his fingers and the hearse mobile arrives. The Drac Pack was seen leaving the hotel.]
Frank: (holding his luggage) Is it short weather where we're going? 
Murray: (holding his luggage) Jeez. I hope not. My body isn't swimsuit-ready yet.
Dracula: Whatever. Where’s Griffin?
Griffin: (while holding two glasses) Hey, can I have a second? I'm just saying goodbye to Emily. 
Wayne: (dismayed) Oh, brother. 
Griffin: (in girly voice) I'm gonna miss you so much. (as himself) You know, you have to be strong, honey. Because what we have is unbreakable. (kisses and sobs) Babe, don't cry. Everyone's looking.
Murray: (weirded out) Okay, I got to call him on this.
Dracula: (annoyed) Just let him play it out, get it over with. (sarcastic) Okay, you two lovebirds. Drink your champagne and let's get going.
Griffin: (to Dracula) Oh, yeah. No, sure. Okay. (clinks his glasses together) Cheers, babe. (drinks one while spilling another) Oh. You klutz.
Frank: (quizzically) We can’t say nothin’ about this?
Dracula: (impatient) No. We don’t have time for zingers.
[They get in the car and Dracula struggles to buckle Dennis’ seatbelt.]
Dracula: (annoyed) How do you click in the stupid car seat?
Frank: (shakes his head) You gotta cut those nails, man.
Wayne: (frowns) We just strap our kids down with duct tape.
[Dennis simply buckled his seatbelt without trouble. Blobby was outside the car.]
Dracula: (notices Blobby) What’s he doing here?
Frank: (leans in) I told him he could come. He's never been outside the hotel.
Dracula: (to Blobby) Blobby, there's no room. Sorry, man.
[Suddenly, Blobby jumps inside the hearse with the gang inside Blobby.]
Murray: (trapped inside Blobby) Yeah, that ain't happenin'. 
Dracula: (trapped inside Blobby) Fine, put him on the Rascal. Let's just get going.
[The zombies bolt the Rascal motorbike next to the hearse and the gang drives off.]
Dennis: (quizzically) Where we going, Papa Drac?
Dracula: (playfully) Oh, Denisovich! We're going to have an adventure. A monster-y adventure!
Dennis: (happily) Yay, monsters! We're gonna eat cake!
Wayne: (confused) What'd he say?
Dracula: (sheepishly) No, no cake on this monster trip!
Dennis: (happily) No cake cebause Kakie says too much cake makes tummy ache. Yay! A monster always shares.
[A short pause.]
Griffin: (sarcastic) Wow.
Wayne: (shocked) We may need more than a week.
Frank: (gets an idea) Hey, you know who could fix the kid in a snap? Vlad.
Dracula: (annoyed) What? We don't need to call Vlad. We got this. (In a warmer tone, he turns and speaks to Dennis) Eh, you see, Denisovich. Monsters are nice, just like you… but when the moon comes out, the real monster fun begins, being scary! Right, guys?
[On the radio, "Worth It" by Fifth Harmony is playing and Frank, Wayne, Murray, and Griffin all dance along to it.]
Dracula: (annoyed) Guys? Guys! (shuts off the radio) What is wrong with you?
Frank: (joyfully) Come on. Everybody likes that song.
Dracula: (annoyed) We're not everybody! We're scary monsters, remember? (puts a CD in the car's player)
Griffin: (quizzically) Hey, what are you putting in?
Dracula: (smiling) Oh, it's an audiobook - Bigfoot's Life Story. He reads it himself.
Woman on CD: (on radio) Chapter 1. (Bigfoot growls slowly on radio)
[They listen to the growling and it is revealed that Blobby is still happily listening to "Worth It" on his headphones in the adjoining rascal. Soon, Mavis and Johnny arrive at Santa Cruz, California. They drove down the road as Mavis looked at the beautiful sight.]
Mavis: (amazed) Wow! This is gonna be so amazing.
Johnny: (smiling) Oh, yeah. You're gonna be so happy, but not too happy.
Mavis: (confused) Huh?
Johnny: (nervously) What?
Mavis: (smiling) I wanna see everything you did growing up.
Johnny: (smiling) As long as you're distracted, capisce? We can hit a few spots on the way to my parents.
Mavis: (gets out her phone) Lemme just quickly call home. (prepares to dial on her phone)
Johnny: (nervously) Ah! Don't do that. It's only 1:00 A.M. there. Dennis isn't even up yet.
Mavis: (puts her phone away) Right. I'm just not used to being away from him.
Johnny: (places his hand on Mavis's shoulder) Everything's gonna be cool. Your dad was so all over it. 
Mavis: (smiling) I know. He's the best.
[Back in Transylvania, the hearse drove through the forest, with Blobby hitting branch and branch, even when wearing a helmet.]
Dracula: (offscreen) Right turn, here.
[The hearse takes a right turn.]
Dracula: (to Dennis) Denisovich, rise and shine. (to the Drac Pack) Boys, this bringing back any memories? We used to prowl around here when we were in our 100s. The Dark Forest of Slobozia.
[Upon arrival, however, the Dark Forest of Slobozia was now a quaint little municipal park and bike trail.]
Frank: (impressed) Nice how they built it up.
Dracula: (disappointed) Okay, out of the car.
[They got out of the car.]
Dracula: (slicks Dennis's hair back) Denisovich, you're going to see every monster do his specialty. First, Frank's gonna show us how he scares people.
Dennis: (joyfully) Yay! He's gonna say, "Boo."
Dracula: (leans in) Yeah, I don't think "boos" ever work. But that's why we're here. To learn from the master.
Frank: (unsure) Okay, I’ll give it a shot.
[He hides behind a bush and sees two girls jogging in the park. He stepped out and roared at them.]
Girls: (excited) Frankenstein!
Frank: (then) Hey, how ya doin’?
Blonde Girl: (excited) You're awesome! Can we take a picture? Is that okay?
Frank: (smiles) Yeah, okay. Little selfie action.
[They took a selfie with Frank holding his head.]
Dracula: (dismayed) For real?
Blonde Girl: (excited) Awesome! Thank you so much. (the girls leave)
Frank: (smiles) Hey, have a great day.
[Dennis popped out of the bush.]
Dennis: (tries to scare them) Boo!
Girls: (in awe) Oh. He’s adorable. (they leave)
Dracula: (grins nervously) Adorable, yes. Not scary, but "boo" is a start.
[Dennis's hair poofs back to normal, scarring Murray. Dracula frowns and the mummy chuckles nervously. They went off in their hearse mobile.]
Dennis: (joyfully) My birthday cake's gonna have the coolest guy on it.
Dracula: (frowning) Let me guess. Kakie.
Dennis: (smiles) No. He's so cool. He climbs walls and wears a cape. 
Dracula: (perks up) Oh, really. And who is this very cool guy? 
Dennis: (joyfully) Batman!
Dracula: (frowns) Batman. Great. You don't know anyone else with a cape that's cool? (to Griffin) This is good. Stop here.
[They stop in the middle of the forest.]
Dracula: (to Wayne) Okay, Wayne. It's your turn. Go kill something. (to Dennis) Denisovich, watch this.
Wayne: (confused) What?
Dracula: (whispers) I told you, come on. If we don't inspire Denisovich, how's he going to find his inner monster?
Dennis: (confused) Who’s in a monster?
Dracula: (to Dennis) Nobody, just... (hands Dennis an avocado) Here, have an avocado.
Dennis: (cheers) Yay!
Dracula: (smiling) Your mommy says it's a good fat. Whatever the heaven that means.
Wayne: (frowning) Listen, I'm not gonna set monsters back again just to make your grandkid like vampires. Anyway, there's nothing to kill here. It's all been...
[Just then, a deer pranced by.]
Frank: (admires the deer) Aw… What a cutie. (then) But kill him.
Wayne: (groans) Oh, great. You know I haven't done this in years. We don't need to kill anymore. We have Pop-Tarts.
Dracula: (to Dennis) Denisovich, you're going to love this. Wayne's going to eat that whole deer, and the next one's yours. (to Wayne) Wayne, go.
[Wayne starts to walk to the deer.]
Wayne: (pulls up his pants) Oh, man. I’m too old for this. Okay, how's it go again? (howls) No, no, wait. That's for the moon. Oh, I growl. Right, here goes. (to the deer) Growl!
Dog Owner: (offscreen) Here, boy!
[A frisbee flew by and he chased after it. He was fighting with another dog over it.]
Dennis: (excitedly) Get it, Uncle Wayne!
[Later, in the hearse mobile, Wayne was chewing the frisbee.]
Dracula: (disappointed) Some werewolf. Did you actually say the word, "growl"? You're a werewussy!
Wayne: (with a Frisbee in his mouth) I said I was rusty.
[Frustrated, Dracula tries to pull the frisbee out of Wayne’s mouth.]
Wayne: (fights Dracula) No! It's my Frisbee! I fetched it!
[The hearse mobile went out of control, with the motorbike removed from the side. Blobby and the bike fell off a cliff. The gang was shocked.]
Dracula: (assures them) He’s fine. He’s Blobby.
[Back with Mavis and Johnny as they cruise through the streets...]
Mavis: (amazed) This place is so amazing and scenic. What do you wanna show me first?
Johnny: (frowns) Mmm. I don't know. It's pretty, but there's really nothing to do once it gets dark.
Mavis: (spots a mini market) Wait. What’s that place?
[They stopped at the Mini Market and got in.]
Mavis: (looks at every bag of potato chips) So, you're telling me that I can pick between all these different kinds of chips?
Kal: (monotone) Yes.
Mavis: (excitedly) How do people decide? (sees something) Whoa! Now what's that beautiful fountain of rubies?
[She goes over to a slurpee machine and drinks watermelon-flavored slurpee.]
Mavis: (amazed) Johnny, have you tried this slurpee?
Johnny: (frowns) Not that quickly, hon.
Mavis: (amazed) It comes in 48 flavors. We have to try them all. 
[She tries out some different flavors.]
Johnny: (nervously) Uh, I don’t know if we have time.
Mavis: (quizzically) Why? This place is open all night. (to Kal) Right, sir?
Kal: (monotone) Yes.
Mavis: (chuckles and drinks before seeing a security camera) Johnny, look. They're making a TV show about this place and we're the stars. (waves to the camera) Hello, world. 
Johnny: (nervously) Awesome. 
Mavis: (amazed) It's totally awesome. You're so lucky, Kal. 
Kal: (waves to the camera) Hello, world. (smiles with his teeth in rainbows)
[Back with the others…]
Dracula: (to Murray) Okay, Murray. Your turn. 
[A couple drove by.]
Husband: (speaks to Dracula) Excuse us. Do you know where someone can get a bite around here? 
Wife: (to her husband) Did you seriously just ask a vampire where to get a bite? 
Husband: (realizes his mistake) Oh, gosh. I didn't mean... We're not from around here. 
Wife: (embarrassed) This is so embarrassing. Just keep going. 
Husband: (apologetically) Sorry to bother you. Love your chocolate cereal.
[They drive off.]
Murray: (confused) So what do you want me to do now?
Dracula: (to Dennis) Denisovich, you won't believe it. The mummy can crash through walls and turn into a swarm of beetles and put a curse on anyone.
Dennis: (unsure) That sounds mean.
Dracula: (assures Dennis) It's fun mean. Okay. So, check it out. Murray's going to conjure up the biggest sandstorm you've ever seen. (to Murray) Hit it!
Murray: (shocked) Sandstorm? It’s been awhile.
Dracula: (nonchalant) Not my problem. Do it. Say your little spell.
Murray: (relents) Okay. I got this. Frank, Wayne, Griffin, just try not to faint.
[They watch as Murray recites his magic spell, only for him to break his back in the middle.]
Murray: (in pain) Ow! My back!
[He tips over and a small pile of sand lands near him. Dennis decides to build a sandman out of it.]
Frank: (remembers something) Oh. Wait.
[He puts raisins and a carrot on it as the eyes and nose for the sandman.]
Griffin: (laughs) How cute.
[Dracula twists Griffin’s nipples in response. Back in California, Mavis sees a brightly lit park.]
Mavis: (amazed) Wait. Stop at that playground. Look at these cute kids.
[There were kids riding BMX bikes up and down ramps.]
Mavis: (excited) Holy rabies! This looks like a blast. 
Johnny: (frowns) I don't know, Mavey. This can be pretty dangerous if you don't know what you're doing. (smiles) Of course, I rock these bikes. (to a little kid) May I, little dude?
[Soon, Johnny was riding a bike.]
Johnny: (while biking) Check it out. Oh, yeah. This is how I rolled every summer. (rides down a ramp) Whoo-hoo! (goes up and down) Whoa, whoa! (lands outside the ramp and breaks the bike) I think I scratched it.
Mavis: (excited) My turn!
Johnny: (smirks) Mavey, I told you, it took me years to get this good.
Mavis: (hopeful) Well, I’ll give it a try.
[She strapped on her helmet and zoomed off to the sky on a bike. She comes back down, riding down the ramp and going up another. She performs a few stunts in the air and grinds on the power lines. Soon, she landed without trouble and everyone cheered.]
Johnny: (proudly) You feel me now? That's my girlfriend, suckers. 
Mavis: (as she removes her helmet) Your wife, Johnny.
Johnny: (proudly) My wife. Even better.
Little Girl: (amazed) That was sick, lady. Where did you learn how to do that stuff? 
Mavis: (hands her the helmet back) Transylvania. 
Little Girl: (amazed) That's cool. I have a cousin from Pennsylvania. 
Mavis: (smiles softly) Oh. These little guys are so sweet. Dennis would love them. What an awesome place to raise a kid.
Johnny: (nervously) Oh. To raise a kid? I don't know about awesome. Maybe tubular. Capisce? Anyways, we should hit my folks' place. I said we'd be there by now. 
Mavis: (smiling) Sure. Oh, hey, it's after 3:00 in Transylvania. I'm gonna check on Dennis, okay? (dials on her phone)
[In Transylvania, Dracula was getting more and more upset that his plan to make Dennis a full-fledged vampire was failing.]
Dracula: (grumpily) "Chocolate cereal." Are you kidding me?
Frank: (eating a fruit roll-up) It's okay, Drac. It's because they love us.
Murray: (agreeing) Yeah! Monsters are "What's goin' on?".
Griffin: (agreeing) Oh, yeah. You should embrace it like I did. I've got a best-selling workout video.
[We see an exercise video starring Griffin and two women doing exercise. At least, he’s exercising, but the ladies don’t know what pose he’s using.]
Griffin: (exercising) Follow me, ladies. Right. And left. No, girls. Watch me. You're not watching. Here we go. And eight and seven and six...
[We get back to the gang.]
Dracula: (frowns) That’s not me, guys.
Frank: (smiling) Come on, even Bigfoot's tearin' it up in the German soccer league.
[In Germany, we see Bigfoot’s foot blocking the soccer goal. Suddenly, the phone rang.]
Dracula: (panics) Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no. It's Mavis.
Wayne: (points at the phone) You got to answer it.
[Dracula tried to push on the phone.]
Murray: (shakes his head) You're pushing too hard. Lighter.
Dracula: (annoyed) Alright! (to the sleeping Dennis) Denisovich, wake up. Oh, boy, he’s out cold.
Griffin: (gets an idea) I got this. (puts sunglasses over Dennis)
[On Mavis's side, the phone call is answered.]
Mavis: (on phone) Dad, what took so long? 
Dracula: (on phone) What? Nothing, Mavey. We're all great here at the hotel. Just doing hotel things. (to a panting Wayne) Sorry, can't handle your breath. 
Wayne: (stops panting) I hear ya.
Dracula: (on phone) How are you?
Mavis: (on phone) We're having a blast. We just went biking and mini-marting. It's so fun here. Is Dennis okay?
Dracula: (on phone) Oh. Of course. You want to see him?
Mavis: (on phone) Yes. Yes, I do.
[Griffin holds Dennis to the phone screen.]
Mavis: (on phone) Hi, baby. How are you?
Griffin: (imitating Dennis) Mommy. I happy.
Mavis: (on phone) Aw.
Johnny: (on phone) Hey, little dude.
Mavis: (on phone) Why is he wearing sunglasses?
Dracula: (on phone) Oh, we were playing. It's a superhero thing.
Griffin: (imitating Dennis) Cebause, I'm Sunglasses Man, to the rescue!
Dracula: (on phone) Okay, take it down a notch.
Griffin: (imitating Dennis) I’m flying.
Mavis: (on phone) You sound funny.
Dracula: (on phone) Oh, no, no, that's his Sunglasses Man voice. Static. The signal is bad. Mavis, are you there? (hangs up)
Mavis: (on phone) Yeah, I’m still… (puts away her phone) Alright. I guess he’s having fun.
Johnny: (assures Mavis) Of course he is. (chuckles nervously)
[Back in Transylvania…]
Griffin: (proudly) Wow, I nailed it with the Sunglasses Man. Right off the top of my head. I threw in a "cebause. "
Dracula: (scared) Did everyone see that? She said she was having fun. Johnny's blowing it. She's biking and mini-marting. She's gonna wanna move! I gotta fix this kid now. Are we almost there or what?
Griffin: (chuckles nervously) Okay, I may have taken a wrong turn a few miles back. Don't get mad.
Dracula: (gets mad) What?! (tries to push on his phone but couldn’t) Someone turn on the navigator on this thing.
Murray: (grabs the phone) Look how light I touch it.
[He lightly turns on the navigator. The GPS spoke in a Peter Lorre-esque voice.]
GPS: (on phone) Please enter your destination. Please. I am begging you.
Dracula: (smiles nervously) Yeah, this is gonna be good, Denisovich. Scary stuff, okay? It's in you. We just gotta concentrate on the scary.
Dennis: (quizzically) Papa Drac? Do you miss Grandma?
Dracula: (smiles fondly) Miss Grandma? Oh. Sure, I do. I miss her every day. She was my zing. Why do you ask?
Dennis: (frowns) I don’t know.
Dracula: (quizzically) Do you miss anybody?
Dennis: (smiles) I miss Mommy and Daddy.
Dracula: (tickles Dennis a bit) And who else? You miss that Winnie? The pup who tackles you and tries to lick you all the time?
Dennis: (smiles) Yeah, but we’re just friends.
Dracula: (chuckles) Oh, no, no, no. You're a Dracula. You can't just be friends with a cute, hairy number like Winnie.
GPS: (on phone) Right turn, now! Here. You imbecile!
Dracula: (gets out his phone) Oh, right. Turn, Griffin!
Griffin: (playfully) Yes, Papa Drac.
[He takes a right turn into the woods.]
Dracula: (excitedly) Wait and see, fellas. This kid'll be guzzling goat blood in no time.
GPS: (on phone) You have arrived at your destination. Yes! Yes!
Dracula: (excitedly) Here we are. It's the vampire summer camp I went to as a kid.
Wayne: (quizzically) What’s it, Camp Vamp?
Dracula: (annoyed) No. Who names their camp "Camp Vamp?" It's Camp Winnepacaca.
[They arrive at Camp Winnepacaca and enter the campgrounds. They walked among several vampire children.]
Dracula: (to Dennis) You see, Denisovich? This is where I learned to catch mice and shapeshift. And use my incredible powers and strength. It's pretty cool, huh?
Dennis: (notices) Badminton.
[He saw some vampire kids playing badminton, much to Dracula’s confusion.]
Dracula: (confused) Yes, I don't remember this badminting.
Dana: (walks up to the pack) Well, well, is this a night? How ya doin', folks? I'm Dana, the director. We're sure excited to have you legends visitin' us. What can I do you for?
Dracula: (smiling) Well, I'm very interested in sending my grandboy, Denisovich, here.
Dana: (quizzically) Oh. This little redheaded, non-fangy little guy?
Dracula: (smiling) Oh, they're in there. He's a late fanger. That's why we came here. Can you show us some of the drills, like where they catch the mice?
Dana: (smiling) Can do. A-course now we call it Tee-Mousing.
[Tee-Mousing was basically each vampire kid getting a small mouse from the pole.]
Dracula: (confused) So they don’t have to catch the mice?
Dana: (smiling) Nope. We find this is a good way to build their confidence.
[A young vampire kid was nervous to take a little mouse.]
Dracula: (annoyed) It’s right there! What’s the matter with you?
[The boy takes the mouse and leaves.]
Dana: (smiling) Hokey-pokey.
[They walked through the campgrounds.]
Dracula: (sees something) Ah! There it is, Denisovich. Where Papa learned to fly.
Dennis: (joyfully) Ooh! I wanna fly like Papa!
[Where Dracula learned to fly was on a tall, rickety, and unsafe tower.]
Dana: (smiling nervously) Uh... Yeah. We're over here now. Had to scale it down. Insurance.
[The camp counselor referred to a smaller tower where vampire children jump from ropes and land in nets. One kid gets stuck in the rope.]
Dana: (smiling) Hokey-pokey. See ya at the campfire.
[Meanwhile, Mavis and Johnny arrive at Johnny’s house, and she rings the doorbell.]
Grandma Linda: (answers the door) Well, gosh! Welcome, you two.
Grandpa Mike: (greets the two) Hey, gang.
Mavis: (hugs them) Hi, guys. This is so exciting. (as she enters the house) Ah! Look at all of this. So cool. Wow! I can't believe I'm actually here.
Grandma Linda: (walks up to Mavis as she looks at a picture of Young Johnny) Well, you are. Now, how does it work? Are you up all night and sleep all day?
Johnny: (frowns) Yeah.
Mavis: (sets the picture back) Oh. I'll do whatever you guys want. 
Grandma Linda: (smiling) Good. (holds up a sunhat) 'Cause I bought this pretty sunhat for you. 
Grandpa Mike: (frowns) Linda. 
Grandma Linda: (gets out a poncho) But otherwise this poncho, if you wanna be safe. 
Grandpa Mike: (frowns) We can deal with it later, Linda. 
Grandma Linda: (smiling) Okay. Oh! Come see. I've set up your bedroom.
[She opens the door to reveal the bedroom. One part was Johnny’s bed, which was ordinary and quaint. The other was Mavis’, all covered in Halloween decorations.]
Mavis: (smiles nervously) It's just like Transylvania. 
Grandma Linda: (smiling) Oh, Transylvania. That was a fun experience. Mike was afraid he'd get disemboweled and eaten, but I told him he was just being silly. 
Grandpa Mike: (frowns) That was you, Linda.
[The doorbell rings.]
Grandma Linda: (perks up) Oh. There they are. You know, we have a couple of mixed families in the neighborhood, so I thought I'd invite them over. They might be nice for you guys to talk to since you're thinkin' about moving here.
[She opens the door to welcome a tentacle-haired monster and his human wife.]
Grandma Linda: (smiling) Hi, Caren. Hi, Pandragora.
Caren: (greets Mavis) Welcome, Mavis.
Pandragora: (greets the two) Hey, guys. (caught a fly with his tongue) Yeah, you're gonna dig it here. Don't even worry. People are totally cool with our lifestyle choice.
Caren: (assures them) I mean, the kids get picked on a little, but it toughens them up.
[The doorbell rings again. This time, there was a hairy man and his wife.]
Grandma Linda: (smiling) Oh, hey, you guys. And this is Loretta. She's married to Paul, who's a werewolf.
Paul: (offended) Excuse me?
Grandma Linda: (smiling) Yes, I was telling Mavis about the other monster-human couples in town.
Paul: (offended) I am not a werewolf.
Grandma Linda: (shocked then smiles nervously) Well, you're welcome to stay and have some cupcakes.
[The couple leave the house. Back at Camp Winnepacaca, everyone sang around the campfire.]
Campers: (singing) Vampires will be friends forever. Through the centuries together. Even in the brightest sunny weather, vampires will be friends forever. Literally forever.
[They all cheered, except for Dracula, who was plain sick of hearing that song.]
Dana: (applauding) Great job, vampires. Give yourselves a hug.
[The campers give themselves a hug, and Dracula takes Dennis with him.]
Dracula: (annoyed) We’re going.
Frank: (while hugging himself) What? Where?
[They start climbing up the tall, rickety tower.]
Murray: (quizzically) Why are we doing this?
Dracula: (turns back to the others) You'd rather be listening to those putrid new songs? What happened to Michael Row Your Corpse Ashore? Or Old McWerewolf Had An Axe?
[They get to the top of the tower.]
Frank: (concerned) We shouldn’t be up here, Drac.
Dracula: (joyfully) Who’s ready to fly?
Dennis: (joyfully) Me! Me! Like a superhero.
Dracula: (joyfully) Better! Like a vampire!
Frank: (concerned) This thing is rickety. You know what? Maybe the kid isn't supposed to fly.
Dracula: (to the others) Quiet. This is how they learn. You throw them and they figure it out. It's how I was taught.
Dennis: (joyfully) I wanna fly now!
Dracula: (smiling) Attabat. You know Papa's right here if you need him.
Griffin: (closed his glasses) I can’t watch this.
Murray: (scared) Please don’t.
Dracula: (joyfully) Here we go!
[He tosses Dennis off the tower and the boy falls for a long time.]
Dennis: (while falling) WHEEEEEEEEEEEE......
Frank: (concerned) He’s still not flying.
Dracula: (nonchalantly) He will.
Wayne: (concerned) Still not.
Dracula: (nonchalantly) It’ll happen.
Frank: (concerned) This is a tall tower.
Dracula: (nonchalantly) That’s why it’s good.
Murray: (concerned) You should get him.
Wayne: (concerned) He’s gonna fall to his death.
Dracula: (nonchalantly) He’s taking his time.
[Dennis starts screaming.]
Frank: (scared) Drac!
Dracula: (nonchalantly) I did that my first time.
Murray: (scared) He’s getting too close to the ground!
Dracula: (then) You know what? He’s not gonna fly.
[He zooms after the falling boy and he catches him.]
Dracula: (hugs Dennis) I told you. Papa's always here for you.
Dennis: (joyfully) Again! Again!
[He floats down to the ground with Dennis. The camp counselor and the camp kids arrived.]
Dana: (scared) Oh, dear! Oh, my devil! We're gonna have to report this!
Dracula: (nonchalantly) You mean to the papers? I guess it was pretty cool, but I'm not about getting press.
Dana: (frowns) No, sir, I mean to the authorities. I can't not report child endangerment.
Dracula: (defensive) Whoa, listen to me. That was fun! Your singing is child endangerment!
[Back on top of the tower...]
Wayne: (quizzically) Should we go down and help him?
Frank: (steps away) Nope. I told him this was nuts. He’s on his own.
[He leans on the tower, causing it to fall over. Back to Drac..]
Dana: (concerned) We have to call the boy's mother.
Dracula: (retorts) No, that ain't happening! His mother's already nutsy cuckoo!
Dana: (concerned) I have to follow protocol! 
[Dracula stares into Dana's eyes, glowing red.]
Dracula: (hypnotic) You will not follow protocol...
Dana: (unphased) I'm a vampire. I can't be hypnotized.
Dracula: (back to normal) Uh, right. 
Dana: (concerned) Now, please, don't make me call the police!
Dracula: (angrily) No one's calling nobody! 
[The tower finally collapses on the campfire, lighting it and Frank.]
Frank: (panicking on fire) Fire!
[Frank, who is on fire, was screaming and burning the camp. The gang chased after him.]
Murray: (running after Frank) Stop, drop and roll! Stop, drop and roll!
Wayne: (running after Frank) Screaming's not helping!
[The camp kids take out marshmallows on sticks, cheer and start coming to the fire to roast them; Dennis has a sad look. He walks to Drac and tugs his cape to get his attention.]
Dennis: (sadly) Are we bad guys, Papa Drac?
Dracula: (frowns) Bad? No! You're the best kid in the world! (picks Dennis up) We didn't start the fire. It was the tower. (scolding Dana) That's a very unsafe tower! You're lucky we don't call the authorities! (to Dennis as he puts him over his shoulders) Let's go, my hero!
Dennis: (joyfully) Cebause I'm Batman! To the Batmobile!
Dracula: (chuckles) Yes. To the….
[A tree fell on the hearse mobile, smashing it and it exploded. A tire flew over and Wayne ran after it like a dog. Back in California, Mavis and Johnny sat on the roof, with Mavis looking sad.]
Johnny: (apologetically) Sorry about all that stuff. I guess they thought you'd like it.
Mavis: (sadly) Why do I feel so weird here?
Johnny: (assures Mavis) No, hon. They’re being weird.
Mavis: (sadly) I think they're just trying to help me. I mean, I grew up knowing nothing living inside that hotel. And you learned about everything growing up in Santa Claus.
Johnny: (corrects Mavis) Santa Cruz. But, uh...
Mavis: (sadly) Maybe if Dennis grows up away from Transylvania, he won't be so freaky. Like me.
Johnny: (assures Marvis) Are you nuts? Mavis, you're a blast. You're so full of life and curious about everything. If Dennis grows up to be just like you, I'll be the luckiest dad in the world.
Mavis: (smiles softly) I love you, Johnnystein. You know what? As long as we're all together, we'll be happy anywhere. Even at the hotel. (hugs Johnny)
Johnny: (quietly) Yes!
[His phone gets a notification, and he starts watching a video.]
Mavis: (notices Johnny's watching a video) What are you doing?
Johnny: (shows her the video) Check out this video my friend sent me. This kid is an awesome daredevil.
[In the video was a little kid falling from a tall tower when he was saved by a bat.]
Vampire Kid: (on video) Oh, dude! Did you get it? 
Mavis: (sees Dennis in the video) Wait! Is that Dennis? 
Johnny: (nervously) No! Is it? No. It's just hard to see. But... Oops. Just deleted it. So, it's gone.
[Mavis starts dialing on her phone. Back at the campsite, firefighters were busy extinguishing both the fire and Frank out when Dracula heard his phone ringing.]
Dracula: (scared) What? It's Mavis. I'm not answering it.
Frank: (covered in foam) Come on, Drac. You have to. (slurps up the foam)
Dracula: (scared) Alright! (answers the phone) Yes, honeybunch.
Mavis: (on phone; angrily) Dad? Where are you?
Dracula: (on phone; nervously) Um... We're outside the hotel having a little cookout. It's perfectly safe.
Mavis: (on phone; quizzically) What’s that noise? Is that a siren?
Dracula: (on phone; nervously) Oh, those are just some wailing banshees checking in. Quiet, you banshees. We're trying to have a perfectly safe cookout over here.
Dennis: (joyfully) Mommy! I wanna say hi! Mommy! Mommy! Papa Drac just tried to teach me how to fly.
Dana: (hears the conversation) Wait a minute. (near the phone) Is that the mother?
Dracula: (slams Dana’s face against the phone; nervously) Oh, no. Static again.
Mavis: (on phone; angrily) I am coming back to the hotel right now. And you better be there or I swear, Dad, you're gonna be very sorry. (hangs up)
Johnny: (quizzically) What’s goin’ on?
Mavis: (angrily) We need to get home right away.
[She walks down the roof, while Johnny falls into shrubs.]
Johnny: (pops out of the shrubs) Okay. I’ll go wake up my backpack.
[Back at camp…]
Dracula: (in a hurry) Guys, we gotta move. We got no car! How are we gonna get out of here?!
Griffin: (confidently) Don’t worry. I made a call.
[Blobby arrived on his bike, though he was covered in leaves and twigs and there was a squirrel inside him.]
Dracula: (apologetically) I'm sorry, Blobby. We really meant to call you sooner.
[He and the gang hop aboard Blobby’s motor scooter.]
Dracula: (yells out) Hit it!
[The motor bike moves forward one inch per minute, due to the combined weight of the riders. Mavis and Johnny arrived at the airport, with the former coming to the female ticket agent.]
Mavis: (in a hurry) Transylvania. 
Ticket Agent: (stoically) You want to go where? 
Mavis: (in a hurry) Transylvania. As soon as possible. 
Ticket Agent: (stoically) We don't fly direct to Transylvania. 
Mavis: (angrily) You don't? 
Ticket Agent: (stoically) You can go to Bucharest, but you'll have to switch planes in Chicago and then Zurich. 
Mavis: (impatient) So, when would we get there? 
Ticket Agent: (stoically) Well, the Chicago flight's delayed due to bad weather.
[Mavis makes a scary face and roars at the ticket agent, who was unfazed by the ghastly sight.]
Ticket Agent: (unfazed) So, two seats in coach?
Mavis: (impatient) No!
[She gets out her poncho, for she had an idea.]
Johnny: (scared) No!
Mavis: (determined) Yes. 
[She flies off in her bat form with Johnny in tow. Dracula and the gang rode very slowly on Blobby’s motor scooter while Mavis and Johnny went through a storm. Just as traffic had ceased, Blobby mumbled to Dracula.]
Dracula: (annoyed) You have to go now? When we finally have no traffic. You're killing me, Blobby.
[They stopped and Blobby went to pee near a tree. Meanwhile, the parents flew through some clouds.]
Johnny: (covered in clouds) I still have some cloud on me. (gets out his phone) Gotta do a selfie! 
Mavis: (in bat form) Johnny! Not now!
Johnny: (puts his phone back in his pocket) Okay. Maybe later.
[The gang continued to move slowly through traffic until the scooter ran out of engine.]
Dracula: (worries) This scooter thing's out of juice. We're never gonna make it. Frank, blow.
[Frank blows Blobby up like a balloon.]
Dracula: (yells out) Now!
[Blobby deflates, flying through the sky. They flew in front of the train and out of the tunnel.]
Dracula: (happily; to Dennis) How fun is this? Why are you laughing? You like that? Watch this. (tickles Blobby) Coochie-coochie-coochie-coo!
[They flew out of control and Murray nearly fell. Frank grabs his wrappings and Murray is taken along for the ride, although skinnier as the wrappings unraveled.]
Dracula: (proudly) Now, this is flying, Denisovich.
Dennis: (joyfully) Like a vampire. (Dracula holds him up) Wheeeee!
Dracula: (proudly) That’s my boy. Look at you go.
[They flew with a flying flock of geese.]
Dennis: (smiles to Dracula) You're the coolest guy who wears a cape, Papa Drac.
[Mavis and Johnny were almost at the hotel, as Mavis looked with her eyes. In her vision, Dennis wasn’t in his bed, so the bat flew faster. The gang finally arrives at the hotel, and Dracula answers Mavis' video chat request.]
Dracula: (nervously) So, hey! When are you going to get here already? We've been waiting… (looks up and sees Mavis standing a few feet away, looking angry at him, much to his shock)
Mavis: (sternly) Give me my son.
Dracula: (nervously) We just went out for some avocados!
Dennis: (joyfully) Mommy, I flew!
Mavis: (sternly) I saw. 
[She angrily holds up her smartphone and plays a Youtube clip titled "Dracula Remix" with over 2,000,000 hits. The clip intercuts between Dennis falling from a tower with rapid edits of Dracula arguing with Dana to a rhythm track. We also see bits of Batman '66 and Young Frankenstein in the video.]
Dracula: (on video; remixed) His mother's already nutsy cuckoo! Nutsy cuckoo! Ah-ooh! Eh-ah-ee-ee! Cuckoo! 
[As the music continues, he looks shocked, realizing he's busted. Blobby, oblivious, dances to the beat as the video continues.]
Dana: (on video; remixed) Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh-oh-oh my devil. I have to follow protocol.
Dracula: (on video; remixed) That ain't happening! That ain't happening! His mother's already ah-kee-kee-a cuckoo! Ah-kee-ooh-ah-ee-ah cuckoo! (echoing)
[The video ends and Drac looks down in shame as Dennis and Mavis embrace.]
Mavis: (disappointed in Drac) I was worried Dennis wasn't safe around other monsters. Now I don't even feel like he's safe around you.
Dracula: (sadly) But I was just–
Mavis: (disappointed) What was it you said? "Human, monster, unicorn." That it didn't matter?
Dracula: (sadly) Well, I just know his life would–
Mavis: (disappointed) We'll have his birthday party here on Wednesday, then we're moving.
Dracula: (sadly) Please, Mavey, don't leave.
Mavis: (sadly) Maybe you've let humans into your hotel, Dad, but I don't think you've let them into your heart. 
[She takes Dennis inside the hotel, still worried he would be hurt. Johnny looks down sadly and follows her, leaving Drac. Later, Mavis was packing up for the big move. She finds a picture of her young self playing horsie with Dracula. She looks at it warmly and puts it inside one of the boxes. As she goes to find more tape, she hears Dennis in his room.]
Dennis: (offscreen) I can do it. I can do it. I'm a bat. I'm a bat. 
[She sees him trying to think like a bat.]
Dennis: (preps himself up) I'm a bat. I'm a bat. I'm a bat!
Mavis: (quizzically) Dennis? What are you doing, sweetie?
Dennis: (nervously) Uh… nothing.
Mavis: (worried) Careful. Let me help you down from there. (helps Dennis down) Are you getting excited about your big party?
Dennis: (unsure) I guess so.
Mavis: (smiles) You know who's coming? Daddy's whole family. Grandpa Mike and Grandma Linda. All your cousins and aunts and uncles who love you so much. And then they're gonna be with us when we move to California.
Dennis: (quizzically) Mommy, are we going away cebause I'm not a monster? 
Mavis: (shocked) What? (chuckles) No. Dennis, of course not. It's just grown-up stuff.
Dennis: (quizzically) Okay. But what about Papa Drac? He's gonna be here all alone.
Mavis: (frowns) Papa Drac has to stay here to run the hotel. But he'll visit us. And we'll visit him.
Dennis: (quizzically) Can we call him every night?
Mavis: (boops his nose) Sure.
[That night, Johnny’s parents and relatives arrive.]
Grandma Linda: (waving) Hello. We’re here.
[Inside, Erik, a.k.a. The Phantom of the Opera played his organs as they took their seat at the table.]
Erik: (singing) The night brings Johnny's family here to take away all that Drac holds dear.
Dracula: (greets the family) Welcome, welcome.
Erik: (singing) Hide your feelings. Keep them all inside.
[Zombie waiters served some freaky food to the relatives. Dennis was with his cousins Troy, Connor, and Parker at the table.]
Troy: (quizzically) Dude, why do you wanna leave? This place is out of control.
Dennis: (sadly) I don’t want to leave.
Parker: (amazed) All these awesome freakazoids! 
Connor: (quizzically) So, who's the coolest monster?
Dennis: (joyfully) Kakie.
[The three laugh at such a response.]
Troy: (laughs) Kakie. What a wussbag.
Grandma Linda: (as the family dines) Isn't it nice to have the whole family together? (to Mavis) Mavis, do you have any cousins or thingies in your family? 
Mavis: (smiles) No. It's just been me and Dad.
Grandma Linda: (wondering) I never did ask how you lost your mom. 
Mavis: (answers back) Oh. She was killed by angry humans.
Grandma Linda: (shocked) Oh…
Erik: (singing) Awkward.
Mavis: (as Dracula pours drinks) But there is my grandpa, Vlad.
Grandma Linda: (quizzically) Oh, you have a grandpa?
Mavis: (nods while Dracula drinks) Yeah. He'll be at the party. I invited him.
Dracula: (spits out his drink) You invited him?!
Mavis: (assures Dracula) Dad, he's never seen Dennis. I wanted them to meet once before we go.
Dracula: (nervous) Sure. Great. Peachy. Good old Vlad. 
Grandma Linda: (wet) Anybody have a wet wipe?
[Meanwhile, in a dark cave, a batlike hand opened the mailbox and found the invitation. It was to Vlad on 666 Gory Cliff Lane in Transylvania. The creature swoops inside and hands Vlad the letter.]
Vlad: (amazed) Holy rabies. He finally invites me to something. He's got a grandkid?
Bela: (outraged) And he never told you?!
Vlad: (settles Bela down) Easy, Bela. At least there's another vampire in the family. It's at a hotel? Fancy schmancy.
Bela: (outraged) Hotel are for humans!
[His yelling caused all the other bat monsters to fly about.]
Vlad: (annoyed) Bela, shut your blood hole. Look what you started. (to the bat monsters) Don't worry, gang. I raised my son to hate and kill and steal the souls of humans like a good boy.
[Back in the hotel….]
Dracula: (nervously) Yes, Grandpa Vlad will be so happy when he sees the big masquerade party Johnny and I have planned.
Johnny: (confused) What?
[He freezes everyone else, with the exception of Johnny, at the table with the wave of his hand.]
Dracula: (to Johnny) Play along. It’s my dad.
Johnny: (quizzically) You have a dad? That's funny.
Dracula: (inches close to Johnny) Listen to me. My dad cannot know you're a human. Or any of your family.
Johnny: (shocked) What? But, Drac, I'm proud that we're... 
Dracula: (inches closer to Johnny) Or he'll steal your family's souls and eat your backpack.
[He unfreezes everyone.]
Johnny: (nervously) That's right, gang. We're gonna make the birthday a monster masquerade party.
Mavis: (confused) Really?
Grandma Linda: (happily) Oh, that's lovely. Sort of like a last hurrah before Dennis gets to be with normal people.
Dracula: (nervously) I couldn’t have said it better.
[Soon, it was Wednesday, and a birthday party was held for Dennis. This was to be his last at Transylvania before moving to California with Mavis and Johnny. At the party, Mavis noticed that Johnny’s parents and relatives were dressed up as zombies.]
GRANDMA LINDA: (laughs) What do you think, Mavis? I think I'm starting to like being creepy. (laughs)
[The vampire girl chuckled nervously. Dennis, dressed as Batman… sort of, isn’t getting much attention. While the other kids play together, Dennis is playing Batman alone.]
DENNIS: (imitates Batman) You're lucky we don't call the authorities! (imitating his grandpa, Dracula) "Let's go, my hero!" (normal voice) Cebause I'm Batman! (imitating Drac again) "Yes, to the Batmobile!" 
[Suddenly, Winnie knocks him over and licks him as some cousins laugh, including Troy in a costume of Vrak, a freaky Power Rangers villain. Mavis looks at Dennis sympathetically.]
TROY: (cocky) Got your butt kicked by a girl, Batman! 
[Winnie growls viciously at him, who looks freaked out, but tries to remain cocky.]
TROY: (pretends to be cocky) Whatever. I'm not about to cry. (walks off, crying)
[Outside Hotel Transylvania, Vlad and Bela arrive.]
VLAD: (stares up at the hotel) Hotel Transylvania.
BELA: (angrily) I smell humans! Tear it down!
VLAD: (annoyed) Bela, we're in the outside world. You're gonna smell humans. You know what? Just wait outside for me. This is family stuff. You'll only get in the way. I just wanna meet the little fanger. He should know his great-vampa.
BELA: (confused) His what?
VLAD: (retorts) Vampire grandpa. Come on. That was obvious.
[Inside, Dracula was nervous about Vlad’s coming arrival.]
CYCLOPS: (to Dracula) Amazing party!
[Dracula chuckled nervously, and he found Johnny dressed up as Dracula. More accurately, Gary Oldman’s Dracula from the Francis Ford Coppola film, complete with the infamous hairdo.]
Johnny: (grins) So, what do you think?
Dracula: (in disbelief) This is your vampire costume? What are you, nuts?
Johnny: (defensive) I ordered it online. It was the only place that delivered overnight.
Dracula: (in disbelief) You look like you got a baboon's butt on your head. Have you at least practiced your voice? You can't just talk like a hippie.
Johnny: (frowns) I’m not a hippie. I’m a slacker.
Dracula: (sternly) Talk like a vampire.
Johnny: (tries to talk like a vampire) My name is Count Jonafang. I am a vampire.
Dracula: (annoyed) Okay, vampires don't go around saying, "I am a vampire. "
Johnny: (frowns) Sorry. (tries to talk like a vampire) I am Count Jonafang. Bleh-bleh-bleh.
Dracula: (annoyed) Are you kidding me?
Johnny: (nervously) I’m sorry. I’m nervous.
Dracula: (annoyed) Yeah, listen, if you think I don't like it, you definitely don't want to say, "Bleh, bleh-bleh," in front of my father.
SUIT OF ARMOR: (walks up to Dracula) Sir, Master Kakie has arrived.
[“Kakie” was a bored-looking man with a Kakie costume in his duffel bag.]
Johnny: (to Brandon) Oh, hey. (to Drac) Drac, this is Brandon, a. k. a. Kakie. We got him for Dennis.
Brandon: (bored) Hey, man.
Dracula: (nonchalantly) Nauseated to meet you.
Brandon: (bored) When does this happen? I got a book fair in half an hour.
[Suddenly, the doors swung open, and in stepped Vlad for his dramatic entrance.]
Vlad: (looks around) Alright. Where’s my vampson?
[Everyone stopped in their tracks.]
Dracula: (embarrassed) Oh, please. Still has to make a dramatic entrance. (nervously hides Johnny) Dad! Look at you!
Vlad: (dismayed) So, you run a hotel now? From Prince of Darkness to King of Room Service.
Dracula: (nervously) Yes. So good to see you. I’ll be right with you.
[Frank was scarfing down some shrimps when he spotted Dracula escorting Brandon.]
Dracula: (to Frank) Keep Vlad away from the humans and Mavis.
Frank: (with his mouth full) I’m on it.
[Linda and Mike shuffle towards Vlad.]
Grandma Linda: (admires Vlad's costume) Oh, now that is a neat costume.
Vlad: (sniffs them) These two smell funny.
Grandma Linda: (smiles) Oh, you're European. It's called deodorant. 
Grandpa Mike: (snarks) Nothing like insulting an entire continent, Linda.
Frank: (comes up to Vlad) Hey, Count! How goes it? (pushes Linda and Mike away) Frankenstein. Actually, I'm technically Frankenstein's monster. Frankenstein, he's the doctor who...
Vlad: (moves past him) Would love to hear more. Call my people.
Frank: (gets in front of Vlad) So, let me introduce you to some of your son's other buddies. 
[He brings Vlad over to Murray, who's kissing a female mummy.]
Frank: (introduces Murray to Vlad) This is Murray.
Murray: (scared) Aah! Please don't kill me! (in a calmer voice) I mean, yo, V? What's up?
Vlad: (snarks) Talking toilet paper. Well, that's a new one. All right! Where's the kid? That's who I wanna meet.
Frank: (calling out) Johnny!
[Johnny went over to Vlad.]
Frank: (introduces the disguised Johnny to Vlad) This is Dracula’s son in law.
Johnny: (tries to talk like a vampire) I am Count Jonafang. Bleh, bleh, black sheep. Have you any wool?
Vlad: (refers to the wig) What's that thing on your head? Looks like my grandmother's boobies.
[Johnny, Murray, and Frank laugh nervously.]
Dennis: (quizzically; runs up to Johnny) Daddy, who’s the man with the funny face?
Vlad: (notices Dennis) Is this the kid?
Johnny: (nervously) He sure is.
Vlad: (happily) Let me see those fangs.
[Dracula swoops over to Dennis and hides him.]
Vlad: (quizzically) What are you doing?
Dracula: (nervously) Oh, I just love him so much. I want to hug him right in the fangs that he has.
[The elderly vampire levitates Dennis out of his grasp.]
Vlad: (sternly) I repeat, lemme see those fangs.
[He looked carefully at Dennis’ teeth and glared over at Dracula and Johnny, but his expression changed.]
Vlad: (smiles) Oh, he's a late fanger, just like you.
Dracula: (nervously) Yes. Yes. Just like me.
Vlad: (to Johnny) The big shot here was a little crybaby, all right.
Dracula: (nervously) Yes, yes, I was.
Vlad: (grins) Used to pee in his bed.
Dracula: (embarrassed) Okay, Dad.
Vlad: (grins) We just need to scare the fangs out of the kid.
Johnny: (scared) Hare ha hangs?
Vlad: (nods) Yeah, it's what I did for Mr. Tough Guy here. (takes a balloon) First, you've got to possess something the late fanger finds sweet and innocent. (gives it spikes) Then you show them what's what and... (the balloon bursts) Pop! Trust me. It'll scare the fangs right out. Right, Drac?
Brandon: (in his Kakie costume) Seriously, guys, if I'm late for the book fair, I'll miss the street fair. (goes behind the curtains)
Dracula: (pats Vlad's back) That’s your guy.
[Vlad went off to do some work.]
Johnny: (shocked) Possessed? But Dennis will be so upset.
Dracula: (hopeful) Don't you get it? This is our ticket. If it works for Denisovich, boom! He's a vampire. And you all get to stay here.
Johnny: (frowns) All right. All right. Capisce.
Dracula: (confirming) Good call.
[Johnny got onstage as everyone was seated.]
Johnny: (to the audience) Kids, everyone, have a seat. Dennis has a big surprise for you. The one and only Kakie, The Cake Monster!
[Kakie showed up onstage.]
Kakie: (happily) Hey, kids! It's me, Kakie! What a wonderful Kakie day it is! Now, I have a question. Who here loves cake?
[Johnny’s cousins glared at Dennis, though Blobby seemed to enjoy Kakie. From behind the curtain, Vlad moves his hand up.]
Vlad: (moves his hand up) Rise!
[Kakie began to levitate from the ground.]
Brandon: (in Kakie costume) Whoa, whoa... Why am I floating? Can I have the stage manager, please? This isn't working for me. (the Kakie head spins around) Whoa...
Johnny’s Cousins: (amazed) Wow!
[Dennis was looking scared at how weird Kakie is acting.]
Dracula: (appears beside Dennis) Scary, Denisovich? You feeling anything? Any change?
Dennis: (scared) Is Kakie okay?
[Soon, Kakie went from a cute, albeit annoying character to a monstrous, unkind beast.]
Kakie: (evilly) I want all the cake! Sharing is for cowards!
[Johnny's cousins laugh while Blobby sinks in fear.]
Mavis: (confused) I don’t remember any of this from the TV show.
Johnny: (nervously lies) Um, I think I saw it on a Blu-Ray disc, bonus stuff. (gives a thumbs-up)
Mavis: (notices Vlad on stage) Wait, why is Grandpa Vlad up there?
[Kakie spewed cakes out of his mouth and onto a few monsters and cousins.]
Dennis: (hugs Dracula in fear) I’m scared, papa. What’s happening to Kakie?
[Dracula now looks concerned for his grandson as Kakie became a hulking monster.]
Kakie: (becomes monstrous) You don’t eat cake. Cake eat you!
Dennis: (fearfully) No!
Dracula: (guilty) Stop it!
[He reverts Kakie back to normal.]
Brandon: (in Kakie costume) What just happened, man? I'm outta here. None of these parents better review this on Yelp. (leaves by swimming in the air)
[Soon, Vlad comes out of the curtains.]
Vlad: (to his son, Dracula) Hey, what did you just do? A few more seconds and the kid's fangs would have popped right out.
Dracula: (guilty) I don't care! It's... it's not worth it!
Mavis: (quizzically and angrily) What's not worth it?
Dracula: (confesses) It was my last attempt to make the boy a vampire so you'd stay.
Mavis: (angrily) By ruining his favorite thing? How could you do that?
Johnny: (confesses) We were desperate!
Mavis: (turns angrily on Johnny) You were in on this?
Johnny: (retorts) Dennis won't be happy in my town.
Mavis: (angrily) Dennis hasn't been there!
Erik: (plays organ while singing) The husband and wife hear the strain and the strife–
DRACULA, MAVIS, AND JOHNNY: (annoyed; to Erik) SHUT UP!!!
Mavis: (angrily) Johnny, Dennis is not a monster! (Vlad makes a shocked face) He likes avocado!
Johnny: (angrily) 'Cause you don't let him eat anything fun!
Grandma Linda: (joins in on the conversation) I think Dennis just wants to be normal.
Mavis: (annoyed) Can we stop using the word, "normal"?
[Dennis walks away sadly, feeling not good enough to fit in.]
Dracula: (tries to assure Mavis) Where we live now, he's normal!
Mavis: (angrily) He is who he is, and you can't change him, Dad.
[Dennis runs out of the room, Winnie follows him. Bela watches them from the window. Outside the castle and in the forest..]
WINNIE: (worried) Dennis, where are you going?
DENNIS: (sadly) Away!
WINNIE: (worried) But it's not safe out here by ourselves. I know a place where we can hide. Follow me! 
[They run to a treehouse as their secret hiding place. Back at the party...]
Vlad: (angrily) If you didn't stop me, my great-grandson wouldn't have to be a wimp his whole life, like schlumpy over here. (gestures to Johnny)
Johnny: (offended) "A wimp"!?
Dracula: (nervously) Johnny, be cool.
Johnny: (climbs on the stage, and walks to him) You wanna throw down, old man?! (does karate move at him) Certified yellow belt since 1997! (takes off his wig, blowing his cover)
Dracula: (scared) No!
Vlad: (shocked) What's this now, you're not a vampire?
Johnny: (guilty) Uh, bleh?
Grandpa Mike: (defensive) Of course he's human. He's our son. You think we're monsters? 
[He and Linda wipe off their make-up, revealing their true human selves.]
VLAD: (gasps; to Drac) You! You let your daughter marry a human and have a human kid. Why don't you just put a stake through my heart?
DRACULA: (reasoning) We don't hate humans anymore and they don't hate us.
[The other humans reveal themselves as well.]
BELA: (outraged by this charade) HUMANS!? (scratches the window, and growls)
VLAD: (outraged) You're a fool!
DRACULA: (stands up to his father) Your great-grandson is the sweetest, kindest, most special boy I've ever met… and if you can't give him the love he deserves because he's half-human, then you're the fool.
MAVIS: (hugs him lovingly) Oh, Daddy.
[Dracula hugs her back.]
JOHNNY: (notices Dennis is gone) Hey, where is Dennis? Dennis!
MAVIS: (calling out) Dennis?
[In Winnie’s hideout...]
WINNIE: (serves him a dead pigeon; happily) Happy birthday, Dennis. I made you a treat.
DENNIS: (confused; pokes the dead pigeon) Dead pigeon?
WINNIE: (as she enjoys pretend tea; happily) Enjoy it. 'Cause once I graduate business school and start running a company, you're not gonna get home-cooked meals like this anymore.
DENNIS: (sadly; looks down at the floor) I have to move away, Winnie. To California. My mommy thinks I'm not happy here cebause I don't have hair on my face like you. I'm sorry I'm not a monster.
WINNIE: (pounces onto him; assuring) No, you are perfect. You're the nicest boy I know. And I have 300 brothers.
DENNIS: (smiles) You’re nice, too, Winnie.
[Suddenly, Bela bursts into the hideout.]
BELA: (evilly) Well, well, well. The little human and his pet.
[Back at the hotel, everyone was looking for him.]
MURRAY: (calling out) Dennis!
DRACULA: (calling out) Denisovich!
MAVIS: (walks to Dracula) He’s not in the room.
WAYNE: (walks to Dracula) He’s not by the pool.
FRANK: (slurps up a pot of soup) He’s not in this pot of soup.
DRACULA: (worried) Where could he be?
MAVIS: (to Vlad; angrily) I don’t know why I ever invited you.
[The gang set off out of the hotel and into the woods. Dennis and Winnie were in the grasp of the nasty Bela.]
BELA: (laughs evilly) Stop squirming!
DENNIS: (scared) Why are you doing this?
BELA: (angrily) Because this is wrong! Why doesn’t anybody get that? Humans don’t belong with monsters!
WINNIE: (angrily) You’re wrong!
BELA: (evilly) I am not! I am holding you hostage. And me and my crew are gonna tear that human-hugging hotel to shreds!
DENNIS: (scared) You can’t.
BELA: (smirks) Really? Why not?
DENNIS: (sadly) Cebause….
BELA: (smirks) Cebause, why?
DENNIS: (sadly) Cebause it will make Papa Drac sad.
BELA: (mockingly) Ooh... Sad! And what are you gonna do about it?
DENNIS: (sadly) I don’t know.
BELA: (mockingly) You know why you don't know? Cebause you're just a weak little boy.
[Winnie bites Bela, which maked him scream in pain, but when he hurt Winnie by throwing her off of him, it made Dennis shocked. Winnie was hurt badly. Dennis starts to get mad and soon, in rage, he grows fangs! He roared at Bela like a lion which pushed him away from Dennis. Bela roared, signaling all the other bat monsters from Vlad’s cave to join. The gang, however, heard the noise.]
FRANK: (hears the noise) What was that?
MAVIS: (in bat form) Dennis, we’re coming!
[Dennis helps Winnie up.]
DENNIS: (worried) Are you okay, Winnie?
WINNIE: (smiles to Dennis) Yes, my zing.
[Bela throws a boulder towards them, but Dennis punched it and beats Bela up as a bat. He then punched him across a tennis court, where the tennis ball machine fired some balls at Bela. Some got into his mouth, and upon one hitting him square in the crotch, he spits them all out. Meanwhile, everyone found Dennis.]
MURRAY: (spots Dennis) There he is!
MAVIS: (runs up to grab Dennis) Dennis! Baby!
DRACULA: (proudly) My big boy!
GRIFFIN: (worried) We were looking over for you.
[Dennis uses his eyes to scan in the distance. He saw more bat monsters heading their way.]
DENNIS: (angry) There’s his mean friends.
[The bat monsters arrive and Dennis battles against them in his bat form.]
DRACULA: (he and Mavis get excited) Oh, this’ll be fun.
[He and Mavis join Dennis in the bat monster smackdown. Dracula knocked out a few creatures and used his eyes to freeze a swarm of bat monsters mid-air. He moves away from the area and snaps his fingers, prompting the swarm to hit each other. Mavis beats up a few and transforms into a mouse, scaring a cowardly bat monster. She then levitates a few rocks to crush him and his crony. Soon, Frank, Murray, and Wayne entered the fray. While Frank pounds a monster, Wayne viciously attacks another, though it throws him down to the ground. Luckily, he whistled for his many wolf children to attack the bat creatures. Vlad, in bat form, watched the big battle from above. As a bat monster chased a female monster around, Johnny’s older cousin tried to punch him, only to break his fist. When the bad guy shoves him aside, the female monster proceeds to beat him up while kissing Johnny’s older cousin. One creature was scaring Linda and Mike when he was then eaten up by the old bat lady.]
OLD BAT LADY: (innocently) I didn’t do that.
[Troy and his cousins were taken by another bat creature, but Dennis froze him with one look. Soon, the cousins are falling, but Dennis saves them in the nick of time.]
CONNOR: (cheering) You rock, Dennis.
PARKER: (cheering) He means Denisovich.
TROY: (cheering) Kakie rules!
[Frank came in who stomped on one of the bat monsters who was about to attack. He uses Blobby to lasso up a few others.]
JOHNNY: (pedaling on his bike) Dennis, I’m coming.
[He rode through a tree loop, rode straight up in the air, and landed on a bat monster, crushing the bike in the process.]
JOHNNY: (smiles) I knew all that practice would pay off.
[Back with the Drac family, they fight the bat monsters in bat form as a monster family. Soon, the bat monsters retreat out of the battlefield.]
JOHNNY: (victoriously) That’s right! You better fly away!
DENNIS: (turns back to vampire form) Papa Drac, I'm a vampire and a superhero. Am I cool now?
DRACULA: (proud of Dennis) “Now?” Dennis, you were always cool. Human, vampire, unicorn, you're perfect no matter what.
DENNIS: (quizzically) But since I’m a vampire, can we stay here?
MAVIS: (smiles warmly and nods) Yes!
[Everyone cheered.]
GRANDMA LINDA: (assuringly) But you have to know, we're going to visit you here every holiday.
FEMALE MONSTER AND JOHNNY’S OLDER COUSIN: (lovestruck) That’s fine.
[Winnie pounced on Dennis and happily licked him. However, Bela, not wanting to give up, grabs a wooden stake and zooms towards Johnny. Suddenly, he was frozen, not by Dracula, but by Vlad.]
VLAD: (angrily) Don't ever come near me or my family again.
[He shrinks the short-tempered bat crony down and the wolf pups lick him, much to Bela’s disgust.]
DRACULA: (chuckles) Daddy, you just saved a human. 
VLAD: (chuckles) All this pressure about when the boy's fangs were coming out. Who cares? Mine came out years ago! (gets his dentures out) Look. 
DRACULA: (disgusted) Okay, Dad, put 'em back in before we all barf.
JOHNNY: (to Dennis) Hey, isn't it still somebody's birthday?
[Back at the hotel, everyone was having a grand birthday party. Dracula played “I’m in Love with a Monster” by Fifth Harmony on the big boombox. Everyone danced to the beat, including Vlad. Murray was dancing with his girlfriend until Blobby stepped in and took his place. Dracula and Vlad danced as father and son. Griffin was grooving along when he bumped into an invisible girl. The invisible girl was named Crystal. Dennis jammed with Mavis and Johnny, and then with Linda and Mike. He froze the dancing Linda to let Mike have a go. Wanda was dancing with her husband, though he couldn’t, due to the wolf pups latching on him. Gargoyle waiters served a huge cake at the table.]
MAVIS: (excited) Let me hear you sing!
[Dennis was about to eat his cake, but the elderly gremlin ate it in one bite!]
ELDERLY GREMLIN: (innocently) I didn’t do that.
[The others stare in utter shock. The "THE END" title card appears. Then, 2D-animated purple curtains close out. Magic sparkles appear. Curtains move aside. The assistant walks in and holds up a flower pot, sniffs the flower, and sets it down. She then summons a watering can and pours water on the plant. After the assistant throws the can away, the flower blooms and spits out Harry Three-Eye. The magician squishes the plant and stretches out a hat. He reaches into it and gets out the director credits. Then, he sweeps his assistant into his hat and pushes it down. It lifts up and spews out producer credits before the magician grabs it. His assistant pops out and literally takes the producer credits before going back into the hat. Harry then summons a hoop and uses it to change into his swimsuit. He sets the hoop down and jumps into it. Water splashes from it and he emerges with writer credits. The credits are then slapped away by his assistant, who’s in mermaid form. The spotlight moves away from the two until Harry pulls it back to him. He shrinks it with his hands then enlarges it to lift it up. In the spotlight, we see executive producer credits. The magician shrinks it again and levitates it to his hand while the co-producer credit appears. He then places the spotlight on the wall and reaches in to grab his wand. The spotlight returns to normal and Harry uses his hand to summon a turban on his head. He then plays the wand like a pungi to bring in music credits. As he plays, the spotlight moves to his assistant, who’s holding the editor credits while dancing. Harry slinks up into view and removes one of his three eyes. The pupil on the eye turns to show the production designer credit. Then, it returns and Harry puts his eye back in. He summons a small blue flame, which flies around and forms the visual effects supervisor credits. Then, it forms the art director credit. It sees something, exclaims, and tries to leave, but it gets taken into the hat by Harry. The magician then pulls out a pair of rabbit ears. He beams in joy until a giant rabbit pops out of his hat, much to his surprise. The giant rabbit burps out the character designer credit. After it roars Harry away, heads of story credits appear. Harry comes back in and uses his magic to turn the giant rabbit into a giant chicken. It clucks out the credits for head of layout and senior animator supervisor. Then, Harry summons the credits for supervising animators. He then summons vines to bring out credits for digital producer and production manager. The vines slink back in and Harry uses his wand to make the scene show a black screen with colorful character outlines. CG Supervisor credits appear. Then, the chicken clucks and the scene returns to normal before it lays an egg. The egg rolls out and hatches to reveal the assistant. Harry and the assistant bow to the audience. After the animated sequence, the rest of the credits roll. After the credits, the movie ends.]
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