Noah’s Ark (my own adaptation)

A unique form of story. I like to call it Biblepasta. :)
==Noah’s Ark==
Noah lived multiple millennia ago in a time where the whole human population (excluding himself, his wife named Emzara, and his three sons named Ham, Shem, and Japheth) were lying, stealing, cheating, and doing all kinds of other things that didn’t please God. One day, Noah was giving a handful of seeds to a squirrel and a sparrow. He said “Come here, little guys. I’m not gonna hurt you”. The squirrel and sparrow were both getting ready to eat out of his hands. “Yes. We are all God’s creatures” said Noah. Just then, the squirrel and the sparrow ran and flew away as the seeds were swatted out of Noah’s hands. Noah was then pointed and laughed at by a few other humans. One of them said “And you wonder why you’re the current laughingstock, Noah! Perhaps it’s because you talk this fictional being as well as animals”. “If you and your family like pesky rodents and birds so much, why don’t you just go sleep with them up in the trees?” said another human. They continued to point and laugh at Noah. As Noah hung his head in sadness and walked away, another human shouted “Now excuse us while we go do something you’re too afraid to because it won’t please this God you speak of!” As Noah sat down on a tree stump, he heard a voice call his name. He then looked up and around. “Who said that?” he asked. “It is I, the Lord God. How they treated you was inexcusable. You should feel great, for you and your family are the only ones doing good in this world right now. You shall build an ark in order to fit yourself, your wife, your children, and two of every land animal” said God. Noah then told his wife and children all about his prophecy. They all began building the ark. Nearly 120 years later, when the ark was almost completed, a father mole named Digger scurried to his nest underground. He told his son, “Scurry, there’s a massive flood coming. With that being said, there’s gonna be two of every animal species called into a massive gathering. We need to go!” “I’ve heard this story countless times, Dad. It was supposed to happen over a century ago yet it never did” said Scurry. “You don’t understand, Scurry. It’s about to happen any day now. This might as well be our last chance at life!” said Digger. “Fine!” said Scurry. Digger and Scurry began coming out of their hole and on their way, Scurry saw a female fox and her mother caught in a trap. As Scurry stopped, Digger said “Keep moving, son!” The female foxes told Scurry that they’d kill him if they weren’t caught in the trap. Scurry used his paws to dig open the trap and free them. They both thanked him for his heroic deed for no mole had ever saved a fox before. There were two gorillas holding clipboards at the gathering. They were saying “Mammals, get in Line A. Birds, get in Line B. Reptiles, get in Line C. Amphibians, get in Line D. Insects, get in Line E. After two of every land animal got in their respective lines, the gorillas said “Behold the king and queen of the land animals!” They stood on each side of the rock as the lion and lioness stood on top of it. All of the animals began making sounds. “As we were forewarned over a century ago, there was gonna be a flood. We hate to break it to you all but we are the generation that will be experiencing it” said the lion. “But we are not to worry because a very generous human by the name of Noah has built an ark with his family so that we could be saved. He and his family have put us in charge, and with great power comes great responsibility” said the lioness. “It is also due to their hard work and effort that we are able to board his ship. The flood should be coming any day now. We need to discuss some ground rules!” said the lion. “Rule #1: If you feel the need to grab any belongings, do it as fast as you can because you won’t be able to later. Rule #2: All animals are to aboard the ark two by two and by their species. Rule #3: Animals shall not eat other animals but don’t worry. It’s only temporary. Rule #4: When boarding the ark, walk, DO NOT run!” said the lioness. “Lastly, are there any questions?” asked the lion. All animals shook their heads. “Good! I’m glad we’ve explained ourselves well!” said the lion. Once all of the animals were lined up and ready, Noah made an announcement, saying “All unattended items may be eaten. Keep by your species carefully”. “We are tigers from Siberia” said a Russian accented tiger as he and another tiger came to the ark. Ham guided them to their room while saying “Follow me!” Once two elephants came, one of them said they were from Africa and the other was from India. “Both of you, follow me” said Japheth. Once it was the turn of Digger and Scurry, the lion, lioness, and two gorillas told them “Moles, follow Shem to Floor 5. He will guide you to your room”. Shem guided Digger and Scurry to an elevator, pressed the number 5, and went up with them. “Right this way!” said Shem as he guided the two moles to their room. He told them “If you need any assistance, feel free to come to me, my brothers, my mother, or Noah. We will be more than happy to help and we are also on the top floor. Also, the cafeteria is on the bottom deck”. He then left, shutting the door. Once every animal was boarded and given their bedroom, Noah asked his three sons “Is that every animal?” “Yes Father” they answered. “That’s great! Lions, gorillas, you’re on the top deck with us!” said Noah. Once they were on the top deck and the ark was closed, Noah made another announcement, saying “The estimated amount of time we’ll be spending on this ark will be 40 days and 40 nights. Don’t be alarmed by the heavy thunderstorms we’ll be experiencing, for God is with us! Thank you for riding on Noah’s ark! We will be taking off very shortly”. There was very heavy rainfall and Scurry told Digger that he was sorry for doubting him. “It’s okay, son. I knew you’d eventually come around” said Digger. They hugged each other. As soon as the massive flood came, Digger told Scurry “I think we’re moving”. On the fifth day of the flood, Scurry told Digger that he wanted to go out and make new friends. “You have my permission but be careful and remember to always ask Noah and his family for assistance if you need it” said Digger. “Will do, Dad!” said Scurry. He went down to the cafeteria on the bottom deck for lunch. There, he found two monkeys who were the waiter and waitress as well as two pigs, who were the chefs. Not only did Scurry have lunch, but he also met again with the two foxes whom he freed earlier. He introduced himself and so did they. The mother fox was named Hazel while the daughter fox was named Auburn. Scurry and Auburn decided that it was good for the first time a fox and a mole got along. Coincidentally, they were both on the same floor of the ark. As they each parted and went to their rooms, they rubbed noses and walked away. Scurry also told Digger about how he met again with the same fox whom he saved earlier. Throughout the whole rest of the voyage, the two moles and the two foxes became the best of friends. On the thirty-eighth day, Noah sent out a raven to retrieve something but the raven retrieved nothing. On the thirty-ninth day, Noah sent out a dove but he didn’t retrieve anything either. On the fortieth day, Noah sent out a dove again and he retrieved a stick. “We must be getting closer to land!” said Noah excitedly. As soon as the flood was over, Noah made an announcement, saying “We have finally reached our destination! Mount Ararat! You have all been a fantastic crew and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart!” As soon as the bridge from the ark was let open, Noah, his family, and all of the animals walked out. They all looked in the sky to find a rainbow. “Wow!” said Digger. “I’ve never seen anything like it before!” said Hazel. Scurry and Auburn held paws. God then told Noah “What you see up in the sky is a rainbow and it is my promise to never flood the Earth again. Now go out and repopulate the Earth!” Noah smiled and hugged his family. He thanked the lions and gorillas, telling them that he couldn’t have done it without their help.
The end.
Category:KGBSpetsnaz