Trust Spiral

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== Original Message (Alexandra -> Joanne) ==
Hi Joanne.
I've been going through my email history and I remembered you from college!
I mostly remember the exploding toaster incident. I'm sorry for laughing at you, but it was so funny how you apologized so loudly when it wasn't your fault.
Just in general: it's been so long, how are you doing?
Best wishes,
Alexandra
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== Response to Alexandra 1 ==
Hi Alexandra! I'm so glad you sent me a message.
Honestly, I'm doing pretty well overall. How about you?
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== Response to Alexandra 2 ==
Dear Alexandra,
I know it's only been a week, but I'm worried that the message didn't get to you.
It's okay if you don't want to respond right away - I know how it feels to send an e-mail. I don't have anything else to do right now, which is why I'm hounding you like this. :)
That said, if you're expecting a text message to work, my phone is fried.
It would be nice if you could respond, even in a small way.
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== Response to Alexandra 2.5 ==
Dear Alexandra,
I'm actually kind of worried that you didn't really e-mail me
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== Response to Alexandra 3 ==
I'm so sorry! I did NOT mean to send that.
If you really want to know, I sometimes draft responses to your e-mail when I'm bored - which is honestly pretty often.
That said, if you really want to know, please respond. I don't want to burden you with all my problems if you don't want to know.
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== Response to Alexandra 4 ==
Alexandra, I don't think you're actually getting these, so I'm going to do a little test.
I'm being held hostage in a motel room. Please call the number DO NOT CALL and tell them that the tenant in room DO NOT COME needs immediate assistance.
Please, Alexandra. This is not a joke. I actually need help.
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== Response to Alexandra 5 ==
You didn't respond and neither did the hotel staff, so I can only assume you're not getting these. That said, you're the only person I can even pretend to talk to at the moment.
I'm not really being held hostage. I can go out whenever I like, but it's hard to do it except in the middle of the night. I mostly exit my apartment to throw the garbage into a chute on my floor. I can't remember the last time I went outside the building - two months? Three? My computer isn't displaying the time properly - honestly, it barely works at all - and my phone is completely broken, so I'm really not sure how long I've been living like this.
I always tell myself I should get outside. Sometimes I even hype myself up enough to wear a tracksuit, but I never get too far.
Like I said, I don't want to burden you with my problems. Maybe I can work through them on my own.
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== Response to Alexandra 6 ==
I really thought I could do it this time.
Let me set the scene. I live on an apartment on the fifth floor of my building, and there's a stairwell that goes to the ground floor at the other end of the hallway with an elevator beside it. I managed to get all the way to that area and I'd pressed the "Down" button on the elevator, but then I heard someone coming up the stairs. It was a deliveryman with a Walmart bag. As I stared at him, he put the bag down in front of my door and rang the doorbell.
Oh god, I just realized how messed up this situation is. I swear I used to pay for my meals like a normal person at one point. I think the first mistaken order was a Spicy McCrispy from McDonalds. I heard a knock at the door, and by the time I opened it, there was a McDonalds bag outside the door with nobody else around. I checked my bank account and I hadn't paid for it, so I left it outside for about half an hour before accepting it.
That was back when one mistaken order stood out in a sea of deliberate ones. I feel nostalgic for when my life was largely normal. Nowadays I live off mistaken orders coming in once or twice a day. I don't choose the food or pay for it, and sometimes I get things I can barely eat. I have nothing against unfamiliar restaurants when I'm choosing the food, but the mistaken order roulette sometimes brings me very "culturally authentic" dishes which make me vomit or get me spewing from the other end. Then again, it is free and I don't have a job, so I guess I shouldn't really look a gift horse in the mouth.
The deliveryman was walking pretty slowly, not like he was tired but like he had a lot of time. I had the opportunity to do the moral thing and I didn't take it. I literally stared at him without saying anything until he had gone back down the stairs. I keep replaying the scene in my head and wondering why I didn't tell him he had the wrong apartment. For better or for worse, I gave up on trying to go outside after that.
I got a raw salmon this time. I don't have any spices. I don't even have salt. I basically hacked off part of the salmon into a frying pan and tried to cook it with a spatula. I ended up with this mashed salmon concoction that's barely edible and a frying pan covered in burnt fish because I forgot to use oil.
Maybe I'm holding out hope that someone's going to arrest me, because at least this weird limbo state would be over.
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== Response to Alexandra 6.5 ==
I could barely eat the fish, but I didn't end up vomiting. Maybe I didn't have enough to vomit.
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== Response to Alexandra 7 ==
Okay, Alexandra. I'm sorry if you're actually getting these and you find me too creepy to respond to, but I really want to tell someone about this stuff.
To make a long story short, all my electronic appliances stopped working all at once, then gradually started working again as the months went by. The more complicated ones took the longest, and my phone just started working again this morning. It seems like all the applications are gone, save for the literal "Phone" app. Overall, I still can't message you, but I hope that I can get my life back on track now. If you're really getting these, my number is DO NOT CALL. Give me a call if you ever want!
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== Response to Alexandra 8 ==
I made a mistake.
I called my mom and it went how I expected. I hated having to tell her that I lost my job and I don't know what I'm going to eat tomorrow. Honestly, I probably would've shouted as much as she did if I was in her situation. She told me she was coming over immediately and she wouldn't hang up the phone until she entered the apartment.
I wish someone else had been there once she arrived. I know you remember the exploding toaster thing, but the way I remember it, you really calmed me down by laughing. At the very least, you could have stopped her at some point. She has this habit of opening and closing cabinets while she yells at me, and it was really overwhelming to hear her slam a cabinet door shut in the middle of screaming about how I was "better than this". I don't like people expecting me to fail with grace and acting confused when I don't. It got to the point where I was bawling while sitting on my bed, but that didn't stop her.
Speaking of the toaster incident, do you remember just how many "accidents" happened around me? You know, the books that kept falling off the shelves, the beakers that kept breaking, the plastic bottles that suddenly had weird dents in them? It's never directly been my fault, but over time, I started convincing myself that it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't been there.
You know, writing it out like this doesn't make much sense. But sometimes it's really weird, specific stuff. Once, a dog died almost right next to me, and it had apparently died from asphyxiation. I know it really, really doesn't make much sense to say I caused that, but the same exact thing that happened to that dog happened to my mom. She was scolding me normally and then she started motioning silently and gripping her throat and sternum. It looked like she was silently coughing, but nothing was coming out.
I was desperate, and I screamed "Stop!", shoving my hands into the air in front of her face. At that very moment, my mom was finally able to breathe. I can't help but draw a connection, but my mom has never been that superstitious. She shook her head, collected herself, and got back to scolding me.
She only left after getting me to call my uncle and put his phone number in my contacts. She said they were both going to check up on me later this week. I don't know whether to feel happy or scared at the prospect of them helping me, but I don't have a good reason to feel scared.
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== Original Message (Joanne -> Joanne) ==
This feels so stupid.
It's really easy to believe the whole thing was a fluke, but maybe I can actually talk to some higher power causing the accidents. I spent my whole life thinking I didn't have any power over this stuff, so the idea that I do is amazing.
I'm going to send this to myself, in the hope that whatever is causing this can read my e-mails. Considering it stops them from being sent, it would be weird if it couldn't.
If you'll actually listen to this, can I have a Big Mac? It's partially because I can eat those and partially because I want to see if I actually get one.
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== Response to Alexandra 9 ==
Hi, "Alexandra".
I sent an email to myself, but I didn't actually get it back, so I figure if I'm not getting them, you're definitely not. With that in mind, this is aimed at the thing that almost killed my mother.
If you're actually listening to me, you're doing a really bad job of it.
Let me explain. The first meal after I "sent" the message, which arrived on the same day, was a mini-pizza. The second meal, which arrived the next day, was a taco. The third, which arrived on the same day as the second, was a Big Mac. I already felt crazy, but now I feel even more crazy, because that could literally just be random chance.
Could you send two Big Macs in a row? You've never done something like that before.
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== Response to Joanne 1 ==
Huh. I forgot I sent that message since I didn't get it back.
Either way, I guess I'll respond to that now. It makes more sense for a private conversation.
Thank you for sending me a receipt and a trash bag instead of food.
No, seriously, thank you. Sending a receipt for a "Keep Calm and Carry On" poster and a bag filled with my own trash was exactly the kind of thing I needed to know this isn't a fluke.
Is this how we're going to communicate from now on? You'll keep sending me receipts and ringing the doorbell after I send you my e-mails?
NO JOANNE
Never mind. You answered this question immediately. I guess it's easier for you to change my own name to "No Joanne" in my contacts and call me. That's great. Why couldn't you do that before?
DIDN'T KNOW HOW
I guess that was why you broke all the electronics in the house that one time? You had to figure out how everything worked?
YES JOANNE
GOOD NIGHT
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== Response to Joanne 1.5 ==
Thank you for calling me to say "Good night", but could you please call only in case of emergencies? I thought it was my mom and nearly had a heart attack. Also, the ringtone you chose is the same as the default alarm sound.
By the way, can I have access to the "Alarm" app on my phone?
YOU DON'T NEED
I disagree, but I guess you're the boss.
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== Response to Joanne 2 ==
How long have you been doing this kind of thing?
SINCE YOUR BIRTH
So you really were the one causing all the weird accidents around me?
SINCE YOUR BIRTH
Why did you kill that dog, anyways?
I WAS LEARNING
What were you learning to do?
WANT CONTROL STUFF
Why do you want to "control stuff"?
I PROTECT YOU
How is exploding a toaster supposed to protect me?
DON'T KNOW
What about killing a dog? Why would killing a dog protect me?
WANT CONTROL STUFF
I'm asking this because I don't want you to do it.
NO JOANNE
Why not?
WANT CONTROL STUFF
Is there any way I can convince you?
DIDN'T KNOW HOW
Your obsession with copying your previous responses is backfiring, because I don't know what that means. At least it's not "No Joanne". Why don't you respond when I say things out loud, anyways?
CAN'T HEAR PROPERLY
DIDN'T KNOW HOW
Wait, that actually makes sense!
YES JOANNE
Well, you have to understand that none of your other motivations make sense. I don't know why you keep breaking things around me and I can't make you stop, but at least I know that you can't respond to me talking because of an actual communication problem and not because you're too stubborn or something.
YES JOANNE
Is there anything I can do to stop you from doing all this stuff?
NO JOANNE
Can I at least stop you from killing my mom?
DON'T TRUST MOM
I PROTECT YOU
You're going to "protect me"? How have all these random accidents been protecting me? You made me lose my job! You broke basically everything in my house and isolated me from my family! What kind of protector are you?
WILL SEND MESSAGE
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== Response to Joanne 3 ==
JOANNE READ MESSAGE
>I called my mom
>I hope that I can get my life back on track now.
This feels so stupid.
If you're actually listening to me, you're doing a really bad job of it.
How have all these random accidents been protecting
>I was bawling
>have a good reason to feel scared
>you really calmed me down by
>"accidents"
you remember
>You made me lose my job
>because
>all my electronic appliances stopped working all at once
but the way I remember it
>I lost my job
>I was bawling while sitting on my bed
the next day
>on my bed
the next day
>bed
the next day
>all my electronic appliances stopped working all at once
because at least this weird limbo state would be over
whatever is causing
>I'm being held hostage in a motel room
>I can't remember the last time I went outside the building
would be
You
NOT me
>You broke basically everything in my house and isolated me from my family!
I don't like people expecting me to fail with grace and acting confused when I don't.
>What kind of protector are you?
What kind of protector are you?
shouldn't really look a gift horse in the mouth.
That said, you're the only person I can even pretend to talk to
please respond
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== Response to Joanne 4 ==
First of all, I want to apologize. Looking back through my e-mails, the notice of termination really did come before you shut off all the electricity. Thank you for keeping me alive, even if your attempts isolated me from everything else. I guess the accidents did take the attention off of me sometimes - though I think you're kind of overestimating how effective that was.
That said, I still don't think I should put my full faith in you over my mom and uncle, let alone my own self. I'm the one who isolated myself and didn't go out of my room, but I want to fix that directly, not rely on you to work around it.
I know you haven't sent me any food since my mom came over. I guess it was because I've been going out on my own. Please don't do it ever again.
I'll always be thankful for what you did for me, but I just want this part of my life to be over.
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== Response to Joanne 5 ==
So, to recap:
My uncle came to the house alone, basically just asked how I was doing, and then started leaving. I asked where my mom was and he said she was busy and she might come later if I needed it.
I guess it could have gone worse.
Anyways, I'm glad you've gone back to small antics like throwing paper in the air and knocking my paintings off the wall. Please don't knock down the lamp, though - I remember that happening once.
YOU DID THAT
Damn.
TRIPPED ON CORD
I remember now! I guess you can bring it up if you want.
Job offers are hard to come by, but I have faith that I can do this.
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== Response to Joanne 6 ==
I'm honestly writing this for my own purposes. It's not like I have anyone else to talk to.
I managed to get a job.
My mom and uncle weren't that helpful. They refused to work with me, saying that I had to live at one of their homes and there was no other option. I managed to trick them into thinking I'd moved. Now they don't know where I live.
Getting out of the house has been a challenge. I ended up getting a remote job, which I'm pretty lucky to have. On the other hand, the program they used for candidate selection mostly recommended me because you forced it to. I ended up playing a game which rewards you for walking outside, which only sort of helped, and I panic any time I see a car or person which reminds me of my mom or uncle.
This job pays the bills pretty well, which means I can keep getting food delivered to my house.
Overall, it's not the best life, but I'd rather be at the mercy of this thing than at the mercy of the straight-up job market.
I sometimes wonder if I can keep it up. What happens when everything breaks down again?
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== Original Message (Alexandra -> Joanne) ==
So...
It looks like you just sent me a bunch of emails, one after another, but months passed between them. And then in the last one, you talk about a Big Mac order?
I don't understand any of this, but your number seems to have been hacked. You keep calling me and all I hear is static, but when I call back, it goes to voicemail.
Best wishes, I guess,
Alexandra
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== Response to Joanne 7 ==
Hi Joanne. I can type now. This is an explanatory message.
Everything was fine til you didn't wake. I ordered food for you - I had to - but you didn't eat. I figured I wanted you alive but someone wanted you dead and was toying with me by breaking your mind. 
Maybe I never helped you by moving things. I still want to believe I can.
I knew what I had to do upon realizing something was wrong with your brain. I knew I had to practice.
I couldn't practice on you. I couldn't practice on a dog either.
I hope you never see the full extent of what I did.
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== Response to Joanne 8 ==
I got up, more energized than I'd been in days, and I noticed the smell from the other apartments. You told me to stop, but it didn't really matter because all the doors were locked. Did you lock them?
No.
That's really creepy. Don't type while I'm typing.
Anyways, I assumed the worst, and then I read the explanatory message and I realized it was even worse than that. Some part of me wants to believe I'm being tricked somehow. "Surely this isn't happening because of me, surely there's some more reasonable explanation where I'm not the entire reason everyone on my floor is dead." But at this point, it's really obvious.
Normally, this would have forced me back into bed, but I can't feel that way. Like, I just don't have that impulse anymore, and I think I know why.
I'm not forcing you out of bed. I didn't make permanent changes to your brain. I will type while you are typing if you keep typing nonsense. You are not the reason they are dead. I was the one who killed them because I had to make sure that you wouldn't die.
Why is my life more important than theirs?
Because I said so. Do you have a reason why their lives are as important as yours? Their protectors are slacking, unlike yours.
I almost fell for that, but you just pulled the "protector" thing from a hat, didn't you? They never had a chance to stop you. They don't have "protectors".
Maybe everyone does and most of the protectors slack off.
You know what? I don't even care anymore. Just tell me one thing: Did you kill my mom or my uncle?
That's the disturbing part. I killed people in hospitals who were going to die in a few days.
But what about the people in the apartment building?
That's complicated. I protected you from that but I couldn't actually stop it.
The small upside is that now I can get weirder with the stuff that happens and nobody will get suspicious.
This just feels too perfect. People don't just die out of nowhere. You had to have something to do with this.
Do you really want to know what happened? It's because of the computer shenanigans I did to get you free food. At first, I just redirected people's orders, shuffled them around, that kind of thing. Eventually I started stealing to pay for the food and that made rich and powerful people notice something was up. They figured out what I was and did this to try and kill me. There you go. I am responsible for it.
But you killed a dog, so why wouldn't you kill a human?
I did kill humans! I killed humans in hospitals who were about to die! 
But aren't hospitals pretty far away? You usually do things close to me.
Yes! I wasn't able to do that before and I can do that now! I've been doing it for a while and you haven't noticed because they're happening far away from you! Okay?
This is so sudden. Wouldn't they have done other things before trying to kill all these people?
They did try to find you. I made sure they couldn't because I didn't want you to get arrested. I didn't know what they were going to do. I still don't want you to get arrested. Please tell me you won't try to get arrested.
Is there any option other than getting arrested? Like, what am I supposed to eat? Wouldn't it look suspicious if one specific apartment keeps getting McDonalds deliveries even though the person in it is dead?
They have the place surrounded. Don't look outside or they might know you're alive. I will take all the food they bring here and give it to random people as well as you. This is a trick which I've been doing for quite a while and they haven't figured out who I'm trying to protect yet. They will leave eventually because the people won't be able to eat.
I guess I don't have a better idea. I can't entirely trust you, but I can't think of anyone else I can really trust. Maybe you're lying about the extent to which you messed with my brain, but I don't think you are. I feel like this is the end result of just refusing to take accountability for any of the things you did up until now.
I'm in too deep, so I've just got to keep digging.
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== Original Message (Joanne -> Alexandra) ==
Hi Alexandra.
I know you must have been worried by my messages. The truth is that my email was hacked, and I guess the hacker was trying to scam you in the weirdest way possible. I have a new email account and phone number now, and I hope you can trust me. Just to be clear, you can message me too so you know it's me. I can even send you a picture.
I'm mostly doing okay. I got fired from my last job and I had to move because my old apartment has been evacuated. I know people online have some wild conspiracy theories about a poltergeist, but I've heard on the ground that it's just a really weird hostage negotiation. That said, I don't know who the hostage is.
I moved to another apartment with pretty cheap rent, and I'm mostly staying inside my actual apartment like it's my dorm room from college. I'd normally be unproductive with this much alone time, but I'm actually pretty motivated. I think I've figured out a way to automate menial tasks in a self-improving way which can also solve captchas. I'd like to sell it as a service, but I'm not going to get too into it.
Either way, I'm trying to live really frugally until things pan out. I don't really have a lot of social interaction these days, considering I'm living alone in my apartment and I don't have opportunities to make friends in the other apartments (not really the right age or responsive).
I could use a conversation partner, if you'd be up for it. Your message reached me at what was honestly a pretty dark time in my life, and I'd like to return the favor or just chat. It would be a good idea to just calmly talk to another human being.
Thanks a lot,
Joanne
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Conclusion: A year is enough time for a human being to trust you even if you do NOT fully isolate them and even if you make multiple errors in judgment. That said, it seems reasonable to repeat this procedure with some of the other people before recommending it.
Category:Computers and Internet
Category:Beings