Honor your father and your mother

Honor your father and your mother is one of the Ten Commandments,Exodus 20:1-21, Deuteronomy 5:1-23, ‘’Ten Commandments,’’ New Bible Dictionary, Second Edition, Tyndale House, 1982 pp. 1174-1175 which are widely understood as moral imperatives by legal scholars, Jewish scholars, Catholic scholars, and Post-Reformation scholars.How Judges Think, Richard A. Posner, Harvard University Press, 2008, p. 322; ‘’Ten Commandments,’’ New Bible Dictionary, Second Edition, Tyndale House, 1982 pp. 1174-1175; The International Standard Bible Encyclopedia, Geoffrey W. Bromiley, 1988, p. 117; Renewal theology: systematic theology from a charismatic perspective, J. Rodman Williams, 1996 p.240; Making moral decisions: a Christian approach to personal and social ethics, Paul T. Jersild, 1991, p. 24 The Book of Exodus describes the Ten Commandments as being spoken by God to Moses,Exodus 20:1 inscribed on two stone tablets by the finger of God,Exodus 31:18, Deuteronomy 9:10, Catholic Catechism 2056, read online, ‘’Ten Commandments,’’ New Bible Dictionary, Second Edition, Tyndale House, 1982 pp. 1174-1175 and later written on tablets by Moses.Exodus 34:28 
In the Torah, keeping this commandment was associated with individual benefitMatthew Henry’s Concise Commentary on Exodus 20:12 read online and on Ephesians 6:1-4 read online (both accessed 31 August, 2009). and with the ability of the nation of Israel to remain in the land to which God was leading them.Commentary on Exodus 20:12, The Jewish Study Bible:Tanakh Translation. Berlin, Adele; Brettler, Marc Zvi, and Fishbane, Michael, eds. Oxford University Press. 2004 ISBN 0195297512.See also Deuteronomy 6:3-4 Dishonoring parents by striking or cursing them was punishable by death.Exodus 21:15,17, Leviticus 20:9. See also Deuteronomy 27:16 and Proverbs 20:20. In the Talmud, the commandment to honor one's human parents is compared to honoring God.Mishneh Torah, Shoftim, Mamrim 6:1Kitzor Shulchan Aruch Yoreh Deah 143:1 According to the prophet Malachi, God makes the analogy himself: 
 
In the gospels, Jesus affirmed the importance of honoring one's father and mother.Matthew 19:17-19, Mark 10:17-19, Luke 8:18-21 Paul quotes the commandment in his letter to the church in Ephesus.Ephesians 6:1-2, See also Colossians 3:20 In his letters to the Romans and Timothy, Paul describes disobedience to parents as a serious sin.Romans 1:29-31, 2 Timothy 3:2 According to the Catholic Catechism, the import of honoring father and mother is based on the divine origin of the parental role: 
The Post-Reformation theologian John Calvin also refers to the sacred origin of the role of human father, and comments that the commandment does not therefore depend on the particular worthiness of the parent.Calvin, John. Harmony of the Law, Part III. Commentary on Exodus 20:12 and Deuteronomy 5:16. read online 
thumb|300px|right|Honor your Father and Mother. (Hebrew, Exodus 20:12), Ink poster, Mrs. Randi Waxman, 2009
==In Judaism==
 
The commandment to honor one's human parents is compared to honoring God.Mishneh Torah, Shoftim, Mamrim 6:1Kitzor Shulchan Aruch Yoreh Deah 143:1 The Talmud says that since there are three partners in the creation of a person (God and two parents), honor showed to parents is the same as honor shown to God.Talmud Kiddushin 31 It also compares a number of similarly constructed passages from the Torah and concludes that honor toward parents and honor toward God are intentionally equated: 
Because honoring parents is part of honoring God, the mitzvah does not depend on the worthiness of the parent:"Even if his father is wicked and a sinner, he must fear and revere him ... A convert to Judaism must not curse or despise his non-Jewish father."Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 143:13,25
It also requires honor to one's stepparentsMishneh Torah, Shoftim, Mamrim 6:17Kitzor Shulchan Aruch Yoreh Deah 143:19 or an older sibling who is raising one,Plaut, W. Gunther and Stein, David E. The Torah: A Modern Commentary(p.504) 2005 (revised). Union for Reformed Judaism ISBN 0807408832 view on Google Books and one's teachers,Rossel, Seymour. The Torah: Portion by Portion (p. 298) 2007. Torah Aura Productions. ISBN 1891662945 view on Google Books though one has a greater obligation to honor a parent than a grandparent.Isaacs, Ronald H. The Jewish Book of Etiquette. (p. 133 ) 1998. Jason Aronson. ISBN 0765759950 view on Google Books
The commandment is repeated eight times throughout the bible.Exodus 21:11; Deuteronomy 5:16; Leviticus 19:3;
===Historical Beliefs===
thumb|180px|left|Jeremiah and the Rechabites, V. Gilbert and A.F. Beers, 2009
Keeping this commandment was associated with individual benefitMatthew Henry’s Concise Commentary on Exodus 20:12 read online and on Ephesians 6:1-4 read online (both accessed 31 August, 2009). and with the ability of the nation of Israel to remain in the land to which God was leading them.Commentary on Exodus 20:12, The Jewish Study Bible:Tanakh Translation. Berlin, Adele; Brettler, Marc Zvi, and Fishbane, Michael, eds. Oxford University Press. 2004 ISBN 0195297512.See also Deuteronomy 6:3-4 Dishonoring parents in specific ways was associated with severe punishment. According to the Torah, striking or cursing one’s father or mother was punishable by immediate death.Exodus 21:15,17, Leviticus 20:9. See also Deuteronomy 27:16 and Proverbs 20:20. In Deuteronomy, a procedure is described for parents to bring a persistently disobedient son to the city elders for death by stoning.Deuteronomy 21:18-21. Note that the reference to the son being a drunkard would suggest he is not a small child. 
Honoring one's parents is also described as an analogue to honoring God.Commentary on Exodus 20:12, The Jewish Study Bible:Tanakh Translation. According to the prophet Jeremiah, God refers to himself as Father to Israel,Jeremiah 31:9 and according to the prophet Isaiah, God refers to Israel as his sons and daughters.Isaiah 43:6 According to the prophet Malachi, God calls for similar honor:
 
According to Jeremiah, God blessed the descendants of RechabThis family is first introduced in 2 Kings 10:15-31 for obeying their forefather's command to not drink wine and uses the family as a counterexample to Israel's failure to obey his command to not worship other gods: 
===Precedence===
This commandment requires one to honor both of one's parents equally; there is no greater weight given to either the father or the mother. While in some parts of scripture, father is stated first, in others, mother comes first. This shows that the honor due to each is equal.Mishneh Torah, Shoftim, Mamrim 6:2Shulchan Aruch Yoreh Deah 240:14
A married woman must honor her husband, and rabbinic teaching offers guidelines for how she should continue to honor her parents: 
===Requirements===
Obedience:
The commandment requires one to obey one's parents when the command given by a parent is reasonable and permissible under Jewish law. For example, if a parent asks a child to bring him/her water, s/he must obey. Because honoring God is above all mitzvah, if a parent asks a child to break a law of the Torah, s/he must refuse to obey.
A child is not required to obey if a parent says that s/he must marry a particular person, or must not marry a person s/he wishes to marry, provided the marriage is permissible by Jewish law.Isaacs, The Jewish Book of Etiquette. (p. 132)Donin, Hayim Halevy. To be a Jew: A Guide to Jewish Observance in Contemporary Life. (p. 129) 1991 Basic Books. ISBN 0465086322 view on Google Books
Letting parents know s/he is safe:
A child who is traveling has an obligation to communicate with his/her parents to let them know s/he is safe in order to prevent them from worrying.Sefer Chassidim 542 in Finkel, Avraham Yaakov. 1997 Sefer Chasidim: The Book of the Pious Jason Aaronson ISBN 1568219202
After the parent's death:
A child must continue to honor his/her parent after their deaths. This can be done by reciting kaddish for 11 months and on the yarzeit (anniversary of the parent's death), and by donating charity in the memory of the parent. The study of Torah is also considered to be reverence toward a parent, for it shows that a parent raised a worthy child.Donin, To be a Jew. (p. 129)
Other requirements:
A child must never put a parent to shame, or speak arrogantly toward one's parent.Donin. To be a Jew (p. 129)
A person who is told to do something by his/her mother for which his father does not like the result is not permitted to tell his/her father that his/her mother said to do that. This is because this could lead to his/her father cursing his/her mother.Isaacs, The Jewish Book of Etiquette. (pp. 134-135)
A child is not permitted to interrupt or contradict a parent, or to disturb a parent's sleep.The Little Midrash Says, Volume III, The Book of Vayikra, by M. Weissman, C 1988, page 165
===Parents' obligations===
Like a child must respect his/her parents, a parent must respect his/her children in return. This gives him/her the ability to respect his/her parents.Isaacs, The Jewish Book of Etiquette. (pp. 135)
A father has the following obligations toward his children:Isaacs, The Jewish Book of Etiquette. (p. 137)
*To teach his children
*To rebuke his children. A parent who fails to do so will lead his children into delinquency.
*To refrain from showing favoritism toward his children. But a parent must never terrorize a child.Isaacs, The Jewish Book of Etiquette. (pp. 139)
*To train a child according to his/her interests
*To teach a child a trade
*To teach a child how to swim
===Rewards===
The rewards for honoring one's parents are as follows:Plaut and Stein,The Torah: A Modern Commentary(p.504)
*Long lifeExodus 20:12, Deuteronomy 5:16
*One's children will honor the follower of this commandment
===Consequences===
As with most terms of the covenant between God and Israel, there are consequences for disobedience as well as rewards for obedience:
== In the New Testament ==
In the gospels, Jesus affirmed the importance of honoring one's father and mother. Matthew 19:17-19, Mark 10:17-19, Luke 8:18-21 Paul quotes the commandment in his letter to the church in Ephesus: 
thumb|125px|left|Ruth honored her widowed mother-in-law Naomi. Simeon Solomon, 1860.
In his letters to the Romans and Timothy, Paul describes disobedience to parents as a serious sin.Romans 1:29-31, 2 Timothy 3:2
The words of Jesus and the teaching of Paul indicate that adult children remain obligated to honor their parents by providing for material needs. In the gospels, Jesus is portrayed as angry with some people who avoided materially providing for their parents by claiming the money they would have used was given to God.Matthew 15:3-8, Mark 7:9-12. In these passages, Jesus quotes Isaiah 29:13 According to the Gospel of John, when Jesus was on the cross, he provided for his natural mother by giving the Apostle John the charge to care for her, which John accepted.John 19:26-27 
According to the gospel of Matthew, the obligation to honor one's parents is bounded by one's obligation to God: “Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me.” Matthew 10:37 ESV Such boundaries, and the primacy of the first commandment itself, lead scholars to conclude that honoring one's parents does not include breaking God's law (i.e., committing a sin) at the behest of a parent.Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary on Exodus 20:12- 17 read online (accessed 31 August 2009)NIV Study Bible. 1999. Zondervan. Note on Colossians 3:20 with reference to Acts 5:29
Paul's instructions to Timothy regarding the physical care of widows include the following:
 
==In the Catholic Church==
According to the teachings of the Catholic Church, the commandment to honor father and mother reveals God's desired order of charity – first God, then parents, then others.Catechism of the Catholic Church paragraph 2197 The Catholic Catechism states that keeping the commandment to honor father and mother brings both spiritual and temporal rewards of peace and prosperity, while failure to honor parents harms the individual as well as society.Catechism of the Catholic Church paragraph 2200. The pervasive societal effect of obedience or disobedience to this command is attributed to the status of the family as the fundamental building block of society: 
In fact, the family is viewed as a miniature church within itself, which is intended to have positive, profound effect.Catechism of the Catholic Church 2204 The import of honoring father and mother is based on the divine origin of the parental role:
For a child in the home, the commandment to honor parents is comprehensive, excluding immoral actions.Catechism of the Catholic Church 2217 The Catechism quotes from the Gospel of Luke that, as a child, Jesus was obedient to his earthly parents.Luke 2:51 Grown children, while not obligated to obedience in the same way, should continue to afford respect for parental wishes, advice and teaching.Catechism of the Catholic Church paragraph 2217. 
thumb|200px|right|David’s Charge to Solomon, stained glass, Burne-Jones and Morris, Trinity Church, Boston, MassachusettsThe Catholic Church teaches that adult children have a duty to honor their parents by providing “material and moral support in old age and in times of illness, loneliness, or distress.”Catechism of the Catholic Church paragraph 2218. This honor should be based on the son or daughter's gratitude for the life, love and effort given by the parents and motivated by the desire to pay them back in some measure.Catechism of the Catholic Church paragraph 2215.
The principle of the commandment is extended to the duty to honor others in direct authority, such as teachers, employers,Catechism of the Catholic Church paragraph 2199 and especially persons in addition to parents who may have contributed to one's coming to and living a life of faith in Jesus.Catechism of the Catholic Church paragraph 2220 The teachings of the Catholic Church explain that the commandment to honor father and mother also forms a basis for charity to others when each person is seen, ultimately, as “a son or daughter of the One who wants to be called ‘our Father.’ In this way our relationships with our neighbors are recognized as personal in character. The neighbor is not a ‘unit’ in the human collective; he is ‘someone’ who by his known origins deserves particular attention and respect.”Catechism of the Catholic Church paragraph 2212. Thus, charitable actions are viewed as extensions of the honor owed to the heavenly Father. To clarify both the importance of and priorities for charity to others, the Catechism quotes these words of James:
==Post-Reformation Commentary==
The commentary of John Wesley on the commandment to honor father and mother is consistent with the interpretation in the Catechism of the Catholic Church. He summarizes the actions that express honor as follows: 1. An inward esteem of them, outwardly expressed, 2. Obedience to their lawful commands (Ephesians 6:1-3), 3. Submission to their rebukes, instructions and corrections, 4. Acting with consideration of parental advice, direction and constent, 5. Giving comfort and providing for physical needs of aged parents.Wesley, John. Notes on the Bible: Notes on the Second Book of Moses, commentary on Exodus 20:12. read onlinesee also Matthew Henry’s Commentary on the Whole Bible, comments on Exodus 20:12 read online
Like the Catechism, Wesley also teaches that the commandment includes honoring others in legitimate secular authority. He also encourages people toward honor of those in spiritual leadership with the question, “Have ye all obeyed them that watch over your souls, and esteemed them highly in love for their work's sake?” This question is reminiscent of Paul's statements to the church in Galatia and to Timothy.Galatians 6:6 and 1 Timothy 5:17-18 
Matthew Henry explains that the commandment to honor father and mother applies not only to biological parents but also to those who fulfill the role of mother or father. He uses the example of Esther honoring her guardian and cousin Mordecai: 
thumb|350px|left|Esther and Mordecai writing the second letter of Purim. Arent de Gelder, ca. 1685. Oil on canvas, RISD Museum of Art, Providence RIIn addition to supporting the preceding applications of the commandment to honor parents, John Calvin describes the sacred origin of the role of human father (which thus demands honor). The analogy between the honor of parents and the honor of God himself is further strengthened by this understanding that earthly fatherhood is derived from God's Fatherhood. Thus the duty to honor does not depend on whether the parent is particularly worthy. However, Calvin acknowledges that some fathers are outright wicked and emphasizes there is no excuse for sin in the name of honoring a parent, calling the notion “absurd.”
The commandment itself encourages obedience “so that you may enjoy long life and that it may go well with you.”Deuteronomy 5:16 Henry, Wesley and Calvin affirm the applicability of this promise for all who keep the commandment, though each notes that for the New Testament Christian, the promise may be fulfilled as earthly rewards and/or heavenly rewards, as God sees fit in his wisdom and love for the individual. 
In his commentary, Calvin notes the harsh consequences required in Exodus and Leviticus for specific failures to keep the commandment. Those who struck or cursed a parent were to be sentenced to death.Exodus 21:15,17 and Leviticus 20:9 Persistently disobedient sons were to be brought before the city elders and stoned by the whole community if the parents’ testimony was judged to be accurate.Deuteronomy 21:18-21 Calvin writes that God knew capital punishment for these offenses would seem harsh and be difficult to pronounce, even for those responsible for adjudicating the situation. This is why, he argues, the text specifically places responsibility for the consequences on the offender. The severity of the sentence emphasized the importance of removing such behavior from the community and deterring others who might imitate it.Calvin, John. Harmony of the Law, Part III. Commentary on Exodus 21:15, 17 and Leviticus 20:9 read online
Though Calvin refers mostly to fathers in his commentary on the commandment to honor father and mother, he writes near the beginning that the commandment mentions both parents on purpose.Calvin, John. Harmony of the Law, Part III. Commentary on Exodus 20:12 and Deuteronomy 5:16. read online As described above, Proverbs supports the value of guidance from both father and mother,Proverbs 6:20-22 and Paul specified that children should provide for their own widowed mothers and grandmothers, “which is pleasing to God.”1 Timothy 5:4
==References==
==Further Reading==
The Jewish Study Bible, Tanakh Translation. 2004. Berlin, Adele; Brettler, Marc Zvi; Fishbane, Michael, eds. Jewish Publication Society, New York: Oxford University Press. ISBN 0195297512
Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary on the Whole Bible, http://www.biblestudytools.com/Commentaries/MatthewHenryConcise/ (accessed 2 September 2009)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. 2007. Crossway Bibles, Wheaton, IL. ISBN 1581343795 
New Jerusalem Bible. 1985. http://www.catholic.org/bible/ (accessed 28 August 2009)
The NIV Study Bible. 1995. Barker, Kenneth, Burdick, Donald; Stek, John; Wessel, Walter; Youngblood, Ronald, eds. Zondervan. Grand Rapids, MI, USA ISBN 0310927099
U.S. Catholic Church. Catechism of the Catholic Church. 2003. Doubleday Religion. ISBN 0385508190 http://www.vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p3s2c2a4.htm (accessed 1 September 2009)
==External links==
* Laws of honoring parents in the Shulchan Aruch 
* A compilation of Jewish theology regarding the commandment to honor father and mother 
*Yalkut Shimoni
* Tanakh (Holy Scriptures), Jewish Publication Society (JPS) 1917
*Explanation of Torah, Mishnah, Talmud versions
* Brief explanations of Talmudic works and their origins 
*Catechism of the Catholic Church
*New Jerusalem Bible (Catholic) 
* Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary on the Whole Bible
* John Wesley’s notes on the Bible
*John Calvin’s commentary on the Bible
*Bible Gateway online reading and research tool; several versions are available 
Category:Ten Commandments
he:כיבוד אב ואם