Skylanders: EoP: Two Insane Heroes

In the Skylanders: Elements of Phazon series.
Previous: Unfounded Revenge - Next: The Porky Invasion
==Chapter One: Rayman Seeks Help==
Spyro looked at himself in the mirror of his bathroom. He stared at his reflection for the entire night, staring deeply into his own eyes. Sparx flew into the bathroom and hovered by his shoulder. He tapped Spyro on the shoulder repeatedly.
"Um, hello? You okay man?"
Spyro snapped back to reality, he shook his head and looked at Sparx. He had dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep, and he struggled to keep his left eye open.
"Hi Sparx...what time is it?"
Spyro spoke in a very slow and lazy-sounding tone. Sparx looked at him with concern.
"It's five in the morning."
Spyro turned around. His vision was blurry and distorted, and he had a sore throat.
"I..have...to...see..."
Spyro slowly stumbled out the bathroom. Sparx followed.
"Um, see what?"
By the time Sparx asked, Spyro had already walked out the door.
In Tails' house, Tails was pouring SpongeBob-themed cereal into a bowl. The TV was on, and was playing Mega Babies. Tails groaned and grabbed the remote.
"I thought I blocked Pork Network!"
There was then a knock at the door. Tails got up and answered it, and Spyro stood on the porch, staring at Tails. Tails' ears drooped.
"Um, hi?"
Spyro slowly stumbled into the house, and walked towards an old record player sitting on a table in the living room. Spyro took out a disk from under the desk and put it on the record player. It was Kidz Bop 9. Spyro played the Kidz Bop cover of Feel Good Inc. by Gorillaz as he stared at Tails, cross-eyed, and grinning.
"THIS SONG EXPLAINS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW." Spyro quickly said, before returning to grinning. Tails stared at Spyro.
"Um, you okay?"
Spyro walked over to Tails and grabbed his hand, before spinning him around in circles. Spyro laughed and grinned.
"Such an amazing cover! These random kids they abducted from the streets could replace the Gorillaz if they wanted too!"
Tails spun around in circles, feeling nauseous.
"Put, me, down!"
-
Rayman stood in a large puddle of tears. Claus sat on his bed, screaming and crying. Claus screamed into a pillow. Rayman started to cry as well.
"I know I'm insane, Claus!"
Then, the Ultimate Chimera walked in. He had a toothbrush in his paw, and toothpaste foam fell out his mouth.
"Are you downloading stuff, Claus?"
Rayman yelled at the UC.
"GO AWAY!"
The UC sighed and walked out the room. Claus leaned in and grabbed Rayman's hands.
"Don't do it for me, DO IT FOR YOURSELF!!!"
Rayman sighed, and Claus returned to crying. Rayman slowly walked out the room, and out of Claus' house. He walked down the forest path, and towards Acornia. The very last stars in dark twilight sky sparkled above him, as Rayman walked out the forest and into the dark city. Rayman walked into a small building, with a sign that said "HELP".
Rayman walked down the hallway, and stood in front of a door with a sign, that said "Dr. Ridley Spiritkiller". Rayman opened the door and slowly walked in. Ridley sat on his desk, reading a book. Ridley looked up, and set the book down.
"Hello, what's your name?"
Rayman sighed.
"Rayman Rye Magicmoon"
Ridley nodded, and Rayman got on the couch by Ridley's desk. He lay on the couch and stared at the ceiling. Ridley took out a pencil and notepad.
"So, what may you need help with, Mr. Magicmoon?"
Rayman blankly stared at the ceiling.
"For weeks, I have been having the same exact dream."
Ridley wrote something down on his notepad.
"Yes, mm-hm, what kind of dream?"
Rayman sighed.
"A dream, about some guy named Leopardeon."
Ridley nodded, Rayman continued.
"And this Leopardeon guy, gives me a scythe, then he's like, 'oh my Arceus do it for the Pigmasks man!'. Then, there is Claus, and then he tells me to kill him. Then, I stab Claus with the scythe, and ultimately decapitate his head."
Rayman smiled, and Ridley stared in shock, before writing something down on the notepad, and opening the droor to his desk, and taking out a gun, and setting it on the table.
"Okay, so, how did this obsession with, em, killing Claus start?"
Rayman sighed.
"It never actually started with Claus, but rather the whole idea of killing. Let me start from the beginning."
Ridley put his paw on his chin, as Rayman explained.
"It all started when the Nymphs used the magic of lums and electoons to create me, to fight the Nightmares that had been taking over the Everglades. I was taught from an early age to fight, that was my only purpose in life, was to be used as a tool to keep the Glade safe."
"One day, I met a fellow Skylander named Moarpillar, who was a rainbow colored caterpillar. One day, I decided to try something with him. I picked him up, and pulled each one of his legs off him, one, by, one."
Rayman grinned.
"Then, a year later, I met another Skylander, Tod, a kind frog. I would always poke and prode at Tod. One time, I tied Tod to the body of a Raichu, and made it Thunderbolt, and, oh man, you do not want to know how that one turned out!"
Ridley wrote down more things on his notepad, he looked at Rayman.
"What, happened, next?"
"Well, I started shoving dynamite up, well, you don't want to know."
Ridley stared for a second, he put is paw over his face, trying to take in what was happening.
"Then, what, happened?:
"Well, I lit the dynamite, and boom, he went splattering all over the place! However, he used a magic spell of his to put himself back together. Then, a year later, I decided that there was only one way to end Tod, and that was, a chainsaw!"
"I took a chainsaw that I had found in the basement out to the forest, along with Tod. I put Tod under a large tree, and proceeded to cut down the tree! It fell over and squashed that frog flat!"
Rayman laughed. Ridley was choking on his own vomit at this point.
"So, did you ever think about how bringing pain onto others is, bad?"
Rayman rolled his eyes.
"Nope. Back then, I only spoke Pig Latin, that was before I learned English, silly! I didn't know that Moarpillar and Tod's screams were screams of agony! I thought I was helping them!"
Ridley slammed his face on the desk. Rayman smiled.
"So, Doc, am I crazy or not?"
Ridley sighed.
"Yes."
Rayman's eyes filled with rage.
"WHAT!? I'M CRAZY?? WHAT KIND OF PSYCHOLOGIST ARE YOU!!??"
Ridley jumped off his seat and stood on his hind legs.
"PSYCHOLOGIST!? I'M A SPACE PIRATE!!"
==Chapter Two: Shopping In The Garbage Pit==
Spyro pushed a shopping cart, full of Kidz Bop, One Direction, and Justin Bieber albums. Tails walked by him, staring into space. Spyro had dragged Tails all the way to a store located in the "hood" of Acornia, called "The Garbage Pit", and now Spyro was now forcing Tails to buy him thousands of terrible items. Spyro stopped at the book section and threw in several Warriors books.
Spyro pushed the cart to the self-check checkout, and levitated the thousands of items in the air with his magic and swiftly scanned them. After he scanned everything, the total price came to be...
"Five thousand SkyCoins!?"
Tails screamed as he saw the price. He dug through his wallet, which only held 30 SkyCoins. Tails grabbed Spyro's paw and ran out the store as fast as he could. Spyro struggled to pull him back, but Tails was too strong. Tails dragged Spyro out to the parking lot and dropped him on the ground.
"That, is, it! You need help!"
Tails grabbed Spyro and dragged him to the building with the sign that read "HELP". He dragged him inside, and knocked on the door with the sign that read "Dr. Ridley Spiritkiller".
Ridley was about to grab the gun on the desk and shoot Rayman, after all he heard, but there was a knock at the door. Ridley got up and opened the door. A furious Tails threw Spyro on the floor, and slammed the door. Spyro got up, and ran to Rayman, and hugged him.
"Rayman! You're my best friend!"
Ridley stared in shock.
"I thought you hated him?"
Spyro growled, foam came out his mouth.
"What, no! I love him! Let's get married, Ray-kun!"
Rayman threw Spyro off him and backed away.
"No way!"
Ridley picked up the gun on his desk and pointed it at Rayman.
"You, you are crazy, man, so phazoning crazy! You are sick!"
Spyro hugged Rayman.
"I love you!"
Ridley fired the gun at Rayman, who quickly dodged it. Ridley fired the gun again, which Rayman dodged again. Rayman took out a book from the bookshelf behind him and threw it at Ridley, which he dodged. Ridley roared.
"YOU ARE ONE CRAZY MOTHERPHAZONER!!!"
Ridley picked the book Rayman threw on the ground and threw it back at him. The book missed Rayman and accidentally hit Spyro in the head. Spyro fell to the ground, stars swirling around his head. His eyes widened, and he sat up.
"Agh, where am I?"
Spyro looked around, and saw Ridley and Rayman slapping each other in the face, them both growling and snarling. Spyro stood on his paws and walked to the two. He held the two back with his magic and levitated them away from each other.
"You two, stop it!"
Ridley and Rayman stopped growling, and Ridley grabbed Rayman and dragged him out the room.
"You're gonna need lots more help!"
Rayman snarled, his fangs sticking out his mouth.
"LET GO OF ME YOU IDIOT!!"
==Chapter Three: Claus' Visit==
Spyro stood at Tails' door, Tails stood in the door and stared at him.
"Are you SURE you're okay?"
Spyro nodded.
"As okay as ever!"
Spyro walked into the house. Tails shut the door and looked at him.
"If you're so okay, prove it."
Spyro grinned. He picked up the Kidz Bop disk containing the Feel Good Inc. cover, and snapped it in half.
"Is that enough for ya?"
Tails nodded.
"Thanks for the confirmation."
-
Rayman sat in a padded room, wearing a straitjacket. He screamed.
"I'M NOT CRAZY!!!!!"
Then, the door opened, and Claus walked in, he stared at Rayman for a second. Rayman's eyes had gone completely crossed.
"Oh Claus, thank Arceus you are here!!"
Claus sighed.
"I wanted to ask you, are all those things true?"
Rayman was confused.
"What things?"
"What you did to Tod, and Moarpillar."
Rayman nodded.
"Of course!"
Claus turned away for a second.
"Yep, you're crazy."
-
Porky sat in his chair and laughed.
"This mind controlling device has a really long distance! Did you see what I did to that purple dragon, Noctisark?"
Noctisark sat on the couch, he was silent. Noctisark was still sad about Porky's creation, The Commander, having been destroyed by Claus a month before.
"Yes, it was hilarious."
Porky laughed more. He picked up a cellphone.
"Hold on, I gotta text Sparky about this!"
END.
Category:EoP