Kelp Wanted

Kelp Wanted is the first episode of SpongeBob SquarePants Bygone.
== Transcript ==
(Episode starts with the camera zooming in on SpongeBob’s house, which is an off shade of red.)
French Narrator: The ocean blue...such a wonderful place, filled to the brim with extraordinary creatures. Although there are many, none can beat my favorite, SpongeBob SquarePants! Why, here we are seeing him wake up on a new nautical day. Of course, he lives in a red pineapple, why wouldn’t he?
(SpongeBob’s old-fashioned alarm clock rings, waking SpongeBob up)
SpongeBob: Aahh, I’m slumped. What’s today? (checks his calendar) doo doo doo daa da daa...here! 
(SpongeBob jumps in shock)
SpongeBob: Gary, I can’t believe it! Today’s my big day!
Gary: Meow?
SpongeBob: No, my marriage isn’t until next Tuesday. Today is when I, SpongeBob, will get a job at the finest eating establishment ever established for eating, The Krusty Kelp!
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: Oh yeah, I’m naked. Weee! (he rolls down the stairs into his pants) Now that I’m prepared, I need to be in prime physical condition for the job. Got it, Gary?
Gary: Meow!
(SpongeBob walks over to his exercise room and begins trying to lift a heavy barbell. Initially he struggles with the weight, but ultimately lifts it above his head no problem.)
SpongeBob: Pain is good.
(Cut to him walking outside.)
SpongeBob: Gary, the next time I see you, I’ll be a new man. (laughs) Wish me luck!
Gary: Meow. (gives a thumbs up)
SpongeBob: Since when did you have opposable thumbs?
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: That makes sense.
(SpongeBob begins eagerly walking down the street)
SpongeBob: I'm prepared! I'm prepared! I'm prepared! I'm prepared!
(Patrick’s rock lifts while SpongeBob is walking past)
Patrick: Alright, buddy! Go serve that weed- I mean kelp! (he begins to fall) Woah! (the rock lands after him) Ow, I’m rolling down the stairs again.
SpongeBob: Thanks! And...feel better soon!
(SpongeBob runs down to the street leading up to The Krusty Kelp before stopping to admire it.)
SpongeBob: It’s a beauty...Oh the Krusty Kelp, with it’s delicious Kelpy Patty! And there’s a help wanted sign on the door. It’s like this moment was made for me. I’ve seen it in my dreams. Now, those dreams will become reality, as I step through that door, ready to start the next phase of my life! (starts running into The Krusty Kelp) The boss will love me, and I’ll love my job, and everyone will love me, and I’ll be the best cook of all time- (opens door) No, no, no, I’m too scared! (he runs back out in fear and pauses) Oh well, guess I’ll do it tomorrow- (he bumps into Patrick as he tries to walk off)
Patrick: You’re not ditching your job opportunity, are you?
SpongeBob: Oh no, I uh… just forgot to do something… maybe tomorrow.
Patrick: Nuh-uh. You’re getting that job today!
SpongeBob: But I-
Patrick: Come on. Who’s first words were may I take your money?
SpongeBob: Mine were.
Patrick: Who made a statue out of cereal boxes in a wood shop?
SpongeBob: That would be me.
Patrick: Who’s...who’s, uhhh, erm, a yellow block of cheese?
SpongeBob: SpongeBob SquarePants!
Patrick: And are you prepared?
SpongeBob: Yes! I’m prepared! (runs toward The Krusty Kelp)
Octowerd: Hm? Why is SpongeBob running toward here… (He looks at the help wanted sign and screams. SpongeBob tramples over him chanting "I'm prepared!" and enters the restaurant.)
Octowerd: Ow...
SpongeBob: Hello Kelpy Krew!
(Octowerd gets back up quickly and runs over to Mr. Crabs)
Mr. Crabs: What now?
Octowerd: Okay Crabs, I don’t have much time to tell you this so-
SpongeBob: (peeking over): Hey, what’s going on here?
Octowerd: Oh no, it's happening!
Mr. Crabs: Hello, valued customer! I'm Mr. Crabs! And you are…?
SpongeBob: Uh, the name's SpongeBob, sir.
Mr. Crabs: Well then, SpongeBoy, ahoy!
SpongeBob: Actually, it's, SpongeBob.
Mr. Crabs: Sure. Welcome to The Krusty Kelp! Here you’ll find the best kelp in the entire sea. (pulling a notepad from behind his back) So, may I take your order?
SpongeBob: Erm, I’m actually here for a job.
Mr. Crabs: Ok, one job, and would you like a drink with tha- wait a second, A JOB?!
Octowerd: Oh no…
SpongeBob: That’s right. I’m ready to work here.
Octowerd: (whispers something to Mr. Crabs)
Mr. Crabs: You will get the job… but only if you find a… jellyfish with blue spots, rainbow stripes, and purple wings. And don’t come back until you find one!
SpongeBob: Well that’s oddly specific. But I’ll do whatever it takes! (runs off)
Octowerd: Oh, you’re terrible. Does that even exist? (laughs)
Mr. Crabs: I have no idea! But it’ll be fun to see him try to find one.
(Suddenly, lots of buses pull up)
Octowerd: What the?
Mr. Crabs: No...it cannot be. My krabby senses are tingling again.
Octowerd: And...what does that mean?
Mr. Crabs: Anchovies.
Octowerd: Hm?
Mr. Crabs: ANCHOVIES! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! (Mr. Crabs tries to run away, but the anchovies pile in too quickly) AHHH!
(SpongeBob is seen jellyfishing, searching for the potential rare jellyfish)
SpongeBob: Doo da dee, searching for jellyfish with glee.
(He spots a jellyfish, but it turns out to just be a normal one)
SpongeBob: Drat. I’ve been fishing for over an hour and still haven’t gotten the rare one.
(Cut back to The Krusty Kelp)
Anchovies: Meep, meep meep!
Octowerd: Please settle down. This isn’t how to behave!
Anchovies: Meep.
Octowerd: It’s easy. Just gotta form into a straight file, nice and tighty, line. Got it?
Anchovies: Meep!
(The anchovies turn into tidal waves)
Octowerd and Mr. Crabs: AHHH! (climb up the pole)
Mr. Crabs: Stop it, you bottom feeders! (the pole starts to shake)
Octowerd: Great, now they’re angry!
Mr. Crabs: Argh.. Octowerd, I wanna tell you a secret. But you must promise not to tell anyone.
Octowerd: I’m all tentacles.
Mr. Crabs: I’m secretly addicted to-
(The anchovies start shaking the pole even harder)
(Cut back to SpongeBob in Jellyfish Fields)
SpongeBob: (peeking) Hmm, is that it? Let’s see.. Ladeladelaaaa..
(Cut back to The Krusty Kelp)
Mr. Crabs: Oh, batten down those hatches Mr. Octowerd! And, we’re taking on water Mr. Octowerd! Oh goodness, I want my daddy Mr. Octowerd!
Octowerd: Goodbye Mr. Crabs, this is the end for the two of us.
(They both cry)
???: Permission to come aboard, captain?
Mr. Crabs and Octowerd: Huh?
(SpongeBob is seen riding the rare jellyfish into The Krusty Kelp)
Mr. Crabs: I didn’t know you could ride jellyfish!
SpongeBob: It’s a talent I’ve had for years.
Octowerd: So… the jellyfish you made up is actually… real? I think I’m gonna be sick.
SpongeBob: Don’t worry! I can save you guys. (to Anchovies) Who’s hungry?!
All Anchovies at the same time: HUNGRY! ME HUNGRY!
SpongeBob: Alrighty then! Time to grill some kelp!
(Tiny Tom’s “Loving in the Sunlight, Living in the Moonlight” starts to play)
(A montage of SpongeBob making kelp patties plays, with him making random faces and shapes throughout)
SpongeBob: Who wants some fresh kelp patties?! (He uses a spatula to throw the patties into the anchovies’ mouths. Eventually, all the anchovies are full and leave the building.)
Mr. Crabs: SpongeBoy me Bob-
SpongeBob: Again, it’s SpongeBob.
Mr. Crabs: -That was some of the finest fry cooking I’ve ever seen in my days. In fact, it calls for a celebration! Care to join, Mr. Octowerd?
Octowerd: Well uh-
Mr. Crabs: Hip hip!
Octowerd: Yeah, hooray. Now-
Mr. Crabs: Hip hip!
Octowerd: Ugh, hooray. So-
Mr. Crabs: Hip hip!
Octowerd: Boo! (Mr. Crabs stares at him) I mean… hooray… 
Mr. Crabs: Well boy, you’re hired. I’ll be in my quarters counting me money. (laughs)
(Patrick walks in)
Patrick: Good morning Krusty Krew!
SpongeBob: Want a kelpy patty on the house?
Patrick: Sure- (SpongeBob throws a patty right into his mouth) MMMMM! (SpongeBob keeps throwing patties) MM! MM!
Octowerd: Ohh, Mr. Crabs! Come see your new employee! Ha ha ha! (laughs uncontrollably)
Incidental: Huh, isn’t that strange.
(Octowerd laughs so hard he falls over)
Octowerd: Oww.
(end)
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