Ed

This page concerns the human male called Ed. For the similarly named German power metal band, please see Edguy as opposed to Ed(guy).
Ed Balls, also known as Eb Dalls, is a fellow who lives in Dayton, Ohio. His exploits and various edventures bring much merriment and joy across the globe. He is a musical virtuoso, talented at both bass guitar and vocals and well known for his refined musical taste as well as being noted for his characteristic sense of humour. It is said that his friendship is a highly coveted trophy for those who do not possess it and deeply cherished by those who do. His youthful demeanour yet mature wisdom lend him a charming personality that endears him to all.
=== Notable Edventions (Ed inventions) ===
It is well known that Ed was actually the inventor of Bazinga, the joke and gag toy brand that would later become the namesake of Young Sheldon's iconic catchphrase. He is known for his many distinctive and iconic catchphrases such as "I'm John BLANK".
=== Associations with Men of Dubious Intent ===
When he was a wee Edlet, Ed had numerous brushes with fame, as befitting such a notable figure. One infamous incident was when he sailed by Epstein Island during a sailing trip, the events of said adventure being obscured to all but Ed and the other inhabits of the island. He also had a brief encounter with Subway spokesperson Jared Fogle and was even photographed with him, the impact of which cannot be overstated.
At an indeterminate point in the past, a young Ed had a brief encounter with Spiderman where the two were photographed together on top of a skyscraper in New York. It is unclear why Spiderman chose to take a photograph with a young child on top of a skyscraper in New York or whether Spiderman abandoned the little Edlet on the skyscraper, leaving him to figure his own way down to safe ground. Ed has subsequently confirmed that he bears no memory of the incident, casting further doubt on the circumstances surrounding it and whether his amnesia was due to Spiderman throwing one of Green Gobin's devices at him.
On 23 March 2024, Ed received a payrise of an entire American dollar, marking the commencement of what historians refer to as the Big Dollar Ed era.
In May 2024, Ed participated in the Big Edtrip to Canada where he met several of the silly people who live inside his computer. Unconfirmed reports have led historians to theorise that the Edbeard might've made a comeback during the trip.
On 16 June 2024, Ed ate a delicious garden salad.
On 30 June 2024, after helping edmum drop her car off for a service, he went for a grilled cheese sandwich with aged Swiss cheese however it was merely okay.
On 03 July 2024, Ed prepared a grilled steak with gouda cheese; he cooked it to his desired doneness of medium rare and for this, he gets to live. On the same day, Ed commenced his training in the rotisserie department.
===Likes===
*A nicely hemmed lawn
*The implements that facilitate the above
*Raising Cane's
*Ed-ibles
*Edmum's pork roast
*Tim Buckey's "Song To The Siren"
*Sentencing people to The Machine or The Device
*Hammers and their usage in the swift application of homicidal justice
*broccoli cheddar soup
*The Lemon Twigs (the rock band from Hicksville, Long Island)
*edmum
*when people solve his riddles
*King Gizzard and the Wizard Lizard
*tomaters
*a medium rare steak
===Dislikes===
*The Lemon Twigs (small thin leaveless tree branches that are somehow lemon-flavoured)
*An untidy lawn, festooned with unrestrained and nonconformist weeds that dare to defy the natural order and whose mere presence represents chaos, anarchy and worst of all, flagrant disregard for ed's monocotyledonous kingdom.
*GIMP
*eddad
*eggs
*ketchup
*the secret third thing
== Frieds (Pronounced Freds) ==
* Nick The Dishwasher
* Blake 
* Zach (who cannot drive)
* Mike Kirkland
* Rick
== Edemies (Enemies of Ed) ==
* Austin The Produce Manager
* Tyler, the kid who used to work in the sandwich station who hassled his friend Blake who cannot count
* The Sushi Department
== Gallery ==
*
File:Picture day.png|Ed with his friends Montague, Bill, Ben and Boco the Metropolitan Vickers Type 2 diesel electric locomotive as they say good night to one another.
File:Ebb3.png|Ed (happy)
File:Edded.jpg|Ed, deceased, in an unknown location at an undisclosed point in the future (cause of death also unknown)
File:The Brook.png|Ed, having transcended beyond the metaphysical constraints binding most mortals, attempts to eat the unwelcome mysterious floating text he sees before him.
File:Edjumper.jpeg|Limited Edition variant Ed (in his flat fuck Friday jumper)
File:Edfront.png|Ed Reference (Front)
File:Edside.png|Ed reference (side)
File:Ed (fearful).jpg|Ed transfixed in a state of deep paralysis upon realising his insignificance when tallied up against the evershifting tides of the cosmos and consequently the futility of all of his actions, past and future.
File:Ed makeup.jpg|Ed in his slay era looking FIERCE, he is absolutely SERVING
File:Ed crucafix.png|Ed after being crucified by the egg community for his innumerable crimes against the (egg) state
File:Ed 6213.jpg|Canadian National railroad U2g 'Confederation' class 4-8-4 locomotive no.6213 and Ed (Ed has been circled in red to prevent any confusion between the two)
File:Ed sieve.jpg|Ed preparing the next batch of cocaine for his customers (they're giants hence the large granules)
Ed and an unknown individual perform an unusual mating ritual to summon the hordes of the unwashed before Ed is promptly assassinated for clearing a stop signal into an occupied section.|thumb|300x300px|left