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No one knows what this is? Do you?
== ??? ==
It all began something like this… In 1944 the nazis decided to experiment with laser technology. Which was successful. They then made a secret missile with a radioactive tip as a way to destroy the Russians. The Nazis launched it into the Atlantic Ocean. Many years later after the radioactivity settled down, the sharks evolved. They learned many skills like fascism , robotics , and flight.  So they became Zombie Nazi Laser robotic land sharks or Z.N.L.R.L Sharks, Which is how I will refer to them. Z.N.L.R.L decided to walk on land using state of the art robotics. They then enslaved the human race except for a few freedom fighters in the north. This is my story.
I woke up in a haze. I was in the middle of a boat with Michael, Pia, a man named Derek S.Vage who happened to have a metal arm, and a monkey named Gene. They said that they found me getting dragged out of my house by the Z.N.L.R.L. to be taken as a computer geek aiming to see the human infrastructure akin to the Geek Squad. They said that on the way they found me, they found a cutlass and a shield at a local weapons shop.Suddenly as I got up from my slumberly state, a Z.N.L.R.L. Attacked. As suddenly as it came, Derek S. Vage punched it with his arm. The shark exploded and left its gun. Derek S.vage picked up and stated “ We all have tried our hand at controlling this weapon, maybe you can give it a shot as we got company!” 
They dived in with incredible speed and accuracy almost diving as fast as a sniper’s bullet.
Immediately one went near my heiny, and I blasted it with the Z.N.L.R.L laser. The shark blew up into a glorious pile of shark meat! I then continued doing what I did to all the sharks, and they were gone… For now. 
	After what felt like 2 hours of scooting through a blue ocean, I was sent to armoryfrom more appropriate armor and not a T shirt. I liked a lot of the armor but as Pia specified “The sighting of the Z.N.L.R.L. Headquarters was seen in Northerm Greenland.” So I went to the Eskimo jacket, Eskimo boots, and the chain mail. I also took some clothes made from the material Ninjas wore you know, just in case I get in deep water. Then another hour passed and we made it to the Plaque Peninsula or the home of the Freedom Fighters base. Plaque Peninsula was the name given to the snowy beach around the base due to the black ash found under the snow. I scanned around to see nothing and a couple Z.N.L.R.L. in coats. It’s pretty normal to see that kind of thing in a Zombie Apocalypse. After about a minute or two of driving close to the coast, A door opened to reveal a place where the boat is held. The boat is then docked in and the door is sealed tight. We all get off and walk through a corridor, then a room with easels and paint in it, another corridor, a library just like the one I work at, then a room full of hats, then an armory, then an excessive amount of useless rooms suited to only one of the peoples needs. I have no reason to explain it as my hot cocoa is getting cold and I wanted to write this story for the freed world (oh yeah, spoiler alert). Finally after what felt like 72 rooms, we went into the freedom fighters’ HQ room. Which of course was a 30 minute meeting on the plan for the next month. Here’s kind of what I got out of what Derek S. Vage or the leader’s meeting.
“Ok you red, white, and blue Yankee doodle doo’s we are gonna stay here for 5 days clearing out our base of the Z.N.L.R.L. and once that’s done we will go to the H.Q. where the leader was seen last according to Satellite info. Now that’s done, lets talk about our weekly excercise and Z.N.L.R.L. Who’s fighting off blah blah blah…”  he said before I zoned out and thought about the new Kirby game I, at that point would never see. 
	After the meeting we were handed cards of what we were doing what. Honestly at this point I am gonna pause as the story is getting sinfully boring. Even fighting the Z.N.L.R.L. with a tommy gun was boring. Now that I got over with the boring part, let’s talk about Saturday or the 6th and last hour of being in the base. For breakfast I ate the Scrambled egg and sausage patty MRE. I don’t want to go on a tagent but I hated those, and I am happy that I am now being served a French sous vide steak with fresh Maine lobster and the best Idaho loaded baked potato. We then left on snowmobile for the Z.N.L.R.L. H.Q. which was painted black and stuck out like a sore thumb in the snow. 
I decided to enter, and everyone was gone. It was only me and a sign which read something like this 
“Hello Jake,  This is the community of the new shark union or as you call us, the Z.N.L.R.L., or even Scumbags. We are happy to tell you the rest of the freedom fighters are with us and are happy in their new roles for the new shark union. You on the other hand, have the potential to be the new king! Or so our leader  censored  has told us. We set up 4 trials and the fourth contains our glorious leader whom we censored because you cannot type his name. 
Ride this train if you’d like access to the 3 other trials,
The New Shark Union world order committee”
The train was a black steam engine and was quite pretty. I walked on, the door closed and I was sent on my way to the garden of Tenmen. I noticed no one was directing it nor was the brake on. WAIT, THE BRAKE WASN’T ON! I then rushed to fix it with some duct tape I found on the floor. The boiler proceeded to spit out a model of the train which I put on some pedestals I forgot to mention. I pulled the brake and hopped off the train. I was in the jungle of Kingmen looking for the flower of Tenmen which can only be found somewhere in the jungle. I also noticed my outfit wasn’t needed for now and so I decided to change into a more appropriate outfit which was an NES repairmen outfit. It was a polyester outfit colored like American flag and had a similar colored hat which had NES embroidered on top. It took me less then ten minutes to find it and snag one. It took another ten minutes to get on the train and return the flower to its place. Then I was on my way to the New Shark Union city. I was underground in a subway track. It was an odd site coming up and seeing humans held on leashes. I was also surprised to see no one nagging me and calling me an animal. Turns out the position I picked was Shark repair services which makes those humans a part of the society. I was tasked with taking the Scourge statue, which was a golden whip statue owned by chairmen of the New Shark Union. That too was a piece of cake as it was hanging on a wire. The wire was old and I cut it. Once that was done, I was curious on how this union came to be so I bought a book in a store with an extra Tenmen flower I kept. That’s where I learned most of the truth from the beginning. I put the statue on the pedestal. I went to the final trial which was right in front of the train. I grabbed what was the Shark Union Flag. I put it in a slot and the door to the King’s room opened. It was right behind the flag and was completely lit. I advanced cautiously of what could be coming up. I even kept the ninja gear close. Then came the surprise.
“I’ve been expecting you, Jake. What a marvelous preformance you put on. You found a task that 99% of all participants die. I theorize that someone was looking out for you and disabled the traps. Now what is your reponse to this?” Spoke a raspy voice.
“Who are you? Why did you this? Explain yourself!” I replied.
“ I am Hypnotoad. This society became as the book told you but not that they truly did figure out robotics, I did. The original holders of the Z.N.L.R.L. dumped toxic waste on me and I learned how robotics worked. I didn’t care a WhoHaa what race they care about or anything! Here is one other thing I want to ask. Do you want to take a job as a chairman of the board as human technologys?” Said Hypnotoad.
“No!” I retorted.
“Well you are the last percent of the human race not enslaved so you are dead!” He roared.
He came out with a mech and I changed into the ninja clothing.  I ran up a spiral staircase and kept running. Then as hypnotoad stopped looking I drew my sword downward and killed him in a glorious array of colors.
After he died hundreds of Z.N.L.R.L. poured in yelling “ New King, New King!”
I was then crowned with a golden crown with a purple pillow inside. I didn’t want to be a king but that’s where I am. Now as their king I told them to free the humans and send them home, Then I told all but 100 of the Z.N.L.R.L. to go in the sea and take off all robotic parts, that last request was them to find my mother. Which is where I am today. The king of nothing… I miss my mother and I want to go home. I like fancy food and all but I just want my mother. I just want my mother.
Category:SPOKEN SALAMI