1st Church of the Gooey Death and Discount House of Worship

The First Church of the Gooey Death and Discount House of Worship was a briefly-lived running gag for a radio host's character, Reverend Bill.
=== Doctrine ===
==== Theism ====
Despite its bizarre name and focus, the First Church still worships the Christian Abrahamic Trinity.RevRaef. “The First Church Of The Gooey Death: Origin of Rock And Roll”. Ver. 5. 24 August 2018. <http://web.archive.org/web/20180824223816/http://revraef.com/?page_id=47> (21 June 2019)RevRaef. “The First Church Of The Gooey Death: Reverend Bill”. Ver. 6. 24 August 2018. <http://web.archive.org/web/20180824230056/http://revraef.com/?page_id=58> (21 June 2019)RevRaef. “The First Church Of The Gooey Death: The Church”. Ver. 6. 24 August 2018. <http://web.archive.org/web/20180824225033/http://revraef.com/?page_id=55> (21 June 2019)
==== Beliefs ====
The First Church believes that the both literal and metaphorical pendulum doesn't swing, but is driven by an essence.RevRaef. “The First Church Of The Gooey Death”. Ver. 14. 7 August 2018. <http://web.archive.org/web/20180807002147/http://revraef.com/> (21 June 2019) They also believe that it is better to experience no joy than it is to experience a failure to achieve it.RevRaef. “The First Church Of The Gooey Death”. Ver. 14. 7 August 2018. <http://web.archive.org/web/20180807002147/http://revraef.com/> (21 June 2019) They believe that one should think, though especially in their garages.RevRaef. “The First Church Of The Gooey Death”. Ver. 14. 7 August 2018. <http://web.archive.org/web/20180807002147/http://revraef.com/> (21 June 2019) They believe that one should seek more than staple goods in life, and instead also seek luxuries to accompany those staple goods.RevRaef. “The First Church Of The Gooey Death”. Ver. 14. 7 August 2018. <http://web.archive.org/web/20180807002147/http://revraef.com/> (21 June 2019) They also believe that success is the reverse case of happiness, the former being getting desired things, the latter being wanting what you've already got.RevRaef. “The First Church Of The Gooey Death”. Ver. 14. 7 August 2018. <http://web.archive.org/web/20180807002147/http://revraef.com/> (21 June 2019) They also believe that one should drink in the morning until dusk in order to state that they drink all day.RevRaef. “The First Church Of The Gooey Death”. Ver. 14. 7 August 2018. <http://web.archive.org/web/20180807002147/http://revraef.com/> (21 June 2019) They also seem to hold a quasi-dualism approach to the antagonism between light and darkness.RevRaef. “The First Church Of The Gooey Death”. Ver. 14. 7 August 2018. <http://web.archive.org/web/20180807002147/http://revraef.com/> (21 June 2019) 
==== Worship ====
The followers of the First Church of the Gooey Death and Discount House of Worship seem to worship at churches by using prayer cloths during sermons.RevRaef. “The First Church Of The Gooey Death: Official Prayer Cloth”. Ver. 6. 24 August 2018. <http://web.archive.org/web/20180824222857/http://revraef.com/?page_id=11> (21 June 2019)
=== History ===
The First Church of the Gooey Death and Discount House of Worship was founded by Rev. Bill between the late 1960's and the early 1970'sRevRaef. “The First Church Of The Gooey Death: Reverend Bill”. Ver. 6. 24 August 2018. <http://web.archive.org/web/20180824230056/http://revraef.com/?page_id=58> (21 June 2019)RevRaef. “The First Church Of The Gooey Death: The Church”. Ver. 6. 24 August 2018. <http://web.archive.org/web/20180824225033/http://revraef.com/?page_id=55> (21 June 2019); it began as a figment of the imagination of Don Imus, a radio show hostRevRaef. “The First Church Of The Gooey Death: The Church”. Ver. 6. 24 August 2018. <http://web.archive.org/web/20180824225033/http://revraef.com/?page_id=55> (21 June 2019).
=== References ===
Category:Fictional Religions
Category:Music by Rev. Billy C. Wirtz
Category:Completed Articles