Planking

== Transcript ==
So, I got lazy this week when it came to choosing a topic, and decided to take requests via my Facebook page, with the rule that you could suggest a subject but you could not tell me what to say about it, so, request at your own risk. A bloke by the name of Liam Neil suggested I talk about the London Riots, but the North American media pretty much ignored it as it was happening, and I was away all weekend when it started, so I didn't hear anything about what was going on until it started to get worse, and I'm just simply not educated enough on the subject to intelligently discuss it, so I'll assume it started because of a shortage of scones or the cancellation of a Fawlty Towers marathon on the telly or something and leave it at that. However, Rob Mundy wanted me to talk about planking, which I've also had requests for in the past. But this is where the disappointment kicks in. Sorry to say folks, but I like planking. I'll tell you why in a minute, but first off, if you don't know what planking is, the idea is you lay perfectly flat somewhere and have someone take a picture of it, with bragging rights going to those who have their picture taken in the most dangerous spots. So for example, if you were to somehow manage to balance yourself by your dick on top of the CN tower, to fans of planking, that would pretty much be the ultimate. So, why do I like such a stupid sounding activity? Because it's the ultimate in natural selection. Example: In the middle of May this year, some guy in Australia, where planking apparently originated, tried to lay flat on the seventh floor balcony of an apartment building. And guess what happened. He fell off the side and died. That's right, he passed on, this planker is no more, he has ceased to be, he is an ex-person. Charles Darwin, as you may know, came up with the theory of natural selection of which I'm a big fan. Basically, it's survival of the fittest, and even on just the tiny scale of humans when compared to the rest of the Earth and its original intent to explain the evolution of species, things like planking continue to prove this theory correct. You see, this person was not smart enough to survive. He thought it would be a good idea to lay on a balcony, he fell off, and how he's planking in a wooden box six feet underground. In fact, when you think about it, humans are ultimately not smart enough to survive at all. We come up with more and more ways to put our lives at risk, for entertainment or otherwise, we start wars over pretty much nothing in the grand scheme of the universe, to go back to the London Riots, we get caught up in mob mentality bullshit that has nothing to do with us, and put ourselves and others in danger for our own gain, we poison the planet -- and I don't mean to get all tree-hugger on you here, cause I'm just as responsible for that as anyone else, I've been running an air conditioner nonstop for three months, I throw out plastic bags that I got at the store so I could carry one item in the first place, I drive to the corner store that's a six minute walk away -- but the point is, humans are not fit to survive according to Darwin, and I'm pretty sure the planet and its various species will be much happier when he's proven right. So, plank on you fucking morons! Preferably in the most dangerous places possible. The less of you spreading your seed around, the more room there is for the fit to enjoy surviving.