Zukki-dar

Zukki-dar is a Khajiit adventurer. He may become the personal provisioning hireling for the Vestige, should they choose to allocate points into the Provisioning Hireling skill for provisioning, once they reach the appropriate level. He will send a letter with select materials to the Vestige on a daily basis, although the items he sends may be improved with additional points into the Provisioning Hireling skill.
==Hireling Letters==
Zukki may send the Vestige multiple letters to their inbox, detailing his adventures as he gathers resources for the Vestige. The following are a collection of the letters that he will send:
#Greetings. This one is called Zukki-dar, or simply "Zukki." He is a Bandaari Trader by profession. Zukki knows little of what he is selling, save that he is charging a great deal too much for it, but as he travels the land he will look for items that might be of interest to you.
#Zukki travels with a caravan of other Khajiit. We are all from Senchal on the Quin'ral peninsula of Elswyr. We have many young ones, and we take them everywhere. Zukki has no idea how they find their way back. Your components are enclosed.
#These young Khajiit are so full of lies and bad manners. Zukki would turn them away if they didn't grow up to be such good salesmen. Here is your delivery.
#Zukki is training a young Khajiit named Tavah. That one would sell you something, steal it back, then sell it to you again. It is not only dishonest, it is highly profitable. Zukki admires that.
#Here is your delivery. It is this one's turn to cook for the caravan. Zukki enjoys cooking with moon sugar. Sometimes he even adds it to the food.
#Tavah's training continues. Today's lesson is to start the day off with a smile. That way it is over and done with. Tavah learns quickly.
#Many Khajiit distrust the other races. This is bad business. Zukki has no prejudice. He dislikes everyone, equally. Your delivery is enclosed.
#This one is growing tired of the young ones. Kittens are rude and disrespectful, and they are always threatening to run away. This is the only thing that keeps Zukki going.
#Today the caravan passed a group of fat mercenaries, huffing and puffing their way down the road. They claimed to be "separatists." This one thinks they should try separating themselves from their sweetrolls.
#You may have noticed by now that sarcasm is only one of the many services that Zukki offers. He also specializes in mockery and open derision.
#Zukki recently noticed that some Argonians are easily irritated and inclined to resent it if you poke them with a stick. He also discovered that you can find out which ones by poking them with a stick.
#This one believes he has determined the proper number of times you can ask someone to repeat themselves before simply nodding and pretending you understood. Three.
#It recently occurred to Zukki that his sarcasm is so advanced that stupid people think he is stupid, as well. Consequently, he has been inadvertently making a lot of friends. He hates them all, but he has no idea how to show it.
#If these Khajiit do not wish to hear a snarky reply, why do they keep asking Zukki stupid questions? Here are your components.
#It is Zukki. Do you remember him? Oh , wait. This one forgot that he only exists in your world when you need something from him. Take your delivery and choke on it.
#Forgive Zukki's last outburst. He ran out of wine, which is vital to maintaining his ability to suffer the idiots who surround him. He has corrected this shortfall, and he is currently in the planning stages of a monumental hangover. In the meanwhile, here is your delivery.
#This one can be annoyingly acerbic at times. He knows it is a character flaw. However, Zukki recently noticed that his caustic demeanor unintentionally frightens small children, so it may not be entirely without merit.
#Here is your delivery. It is always such a pleasure for Zukki to serve you. (For future reference, since it is so difficult to infer tone in a written correspondence, you should just assume that Zukki's are all dripping with sarcasm.)
#This one is loathe to admit it, but as an employer, you are actually beginning to grow on him. Zukki wishes you could travel with him occasionally so we could hate the same people.
#Zukki has decided that the reason he hates all people is because he considers himself to be the best of them, and he know precisely how bad he is. Your delivery is attached.
#Zukki's philosophy of life is to screw unto others before they screw unto you. In accordance, today's delivery contains stolen goods.
#If Zukki were ever to marry, he would marry a female who loves the outdoors. This way, if Zukki decided to lock her out for the night she would still survive. This one is not without compassion.
#The caravan spent the night in the city, which is always a chore. This one never underestimates the power of idiots, when they gather in large groups. Your components are enclosed.
#Zukki is no bigot, but he thinks Argonians are the most pernicious race of odious vermin that the Divines ever suffered to crawl upon the face of Nirn. But to their great credit, at least they aren't Nords.
#It occurs to Zukki that you might think him ungrateful for his continued employment, based upon the pessimistic tone of his letters. He will attempt, in the future, to be more optimistic. Forgive him in advance for his almost certain failure in this endeavor. Zukki feels certain he will make a terrible optimist.
#This one does not enjoy traveling with a caravan, but at least it affords him some protection along the road. Our guards are fairly competent, and might even dispatch an enemy, provided their weapons are pointed just so and the enemy falls upon them in just the right way.
#The caravan was attacked, but Zukki escaped with minor bruises. It would have been a poor death, anyway. Surely the Divines have something prepared for Zukki on a larger scale. Something with manacles, sharp blades, and a few hundred cheering spectators.
#This one really isn't a curmudgeon. He can be very charming if people would just do what he asks of them. Here is your delivery.
#Between people trying to cheat him and people trying to accost him, Zukki feels certain that he has become Nirn's principle means of employment. The entire economy of Tamriel appears to be based on ruining Zukki's day. And that is on a good day.
#Much as he has tried, this one simply cannot be optimistic about anything. But then, Zukki does not recall anything in his job description about being willing to poop sunshine on demand, so you will just have to deal with it. Also, this one is out of wine again.
#Why is it that people seem to take such pleasure at feeling superior to others? Zukki is glad he is not one of them. He is far better than that. Here is your delivery.
#This one enjoys long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy him. Here is your delivery.
#Zukki does not know why he works so hard to make others dislike him. It happens quite naturally without all that effort.
#Zukki is drinking and musing on the nature of morality, while the tavern keeper naps. What is just, Zukki wonders, and what is dishonest? Perhaps the distinction lies in what is right, and what one can rationalize. Wine puts Zukki in a better mood, therefore they won't miss a bottle or two.
#This one is thinking about life's great unanswered questions. The greatest of these must surely be, 'What is in it for Zukki?' Your delivery is enclosed.
#This one is people-watching in the city. This one has noticed that there are two kinds of people in this world. Zukki doesn't like either of them.
#There is a stray dog following the caravan, and it fascinates Zukki. One can learn many things from a dog, including loyalty and perseverance. Also the importance of turning around three times before lying down.
#Zukki has been feeding the dog and growing quite attached to it. It never talks about itself, and when Zukki talks about himself, the dog always looks interested. Also, it growls at the young ones and makes them cry.
#The dog does not leave this one's side now, which is convenient should the need arise for him to bark violently for no reason, right in Zukki's ear.
#A Khajiit spends a lot of time on personal grooming. Dogs do not. This dog's idea of personal grooming is to roll in a pile of rotten fish. The dog is also very shaggy and unkempt. This one is surprised how often the dog gets up and Zukki realizes he has been speaking to the wrong end.
#The dog left Zukki and ran off with a necromancer, presumably for the bones. Zukki is sad at this development, but he should have known better than to trust an animal that is surprised by its own farts.
#Zukki is another year older today. He may not move as fast as he used to, but he cannot regret getting older. It is a privilege denied to many.
#Being a year older has gotten Zukki to thinking about retiring from the hard life of the road. The trouble is, he has no other useful skills or talents. Perhaps he could go into teaching?
#This one hates growing old. Zukki's whiskers are white and his bones are weary. He is getting so old he is afraid to buy green bananas. Why does old age come at such a bad time?
#Did this one already mention that he does not like children? They are loud and sticky. But Zukki has learned many things from them, like how much patience he does not have.
#This one has never married. He recently heard that married people live longer, but Zukki doesn't believe that. He thinks it probably just seems longer.
#Zukki has decided that the reason he uses sarcasm so much is because it keeps him from telling people what he really thinks about them.
#This one lives every day as if it was his last, because one day he will be right. But Zukki is ready to meet his makers. Whether his makers are prepared to meet him is quite another matter.
#Zukki wonders about the future. What does it hold for him? Where will it take him? He thinks perhaps the future will be just like the present, only more expensive.
#Has Zukki ever told you about his brother Yakku, who was borish and spent his youth bullying Zukki? Word has come that Yakku passed away. He was involved in a tragic fishing accident. Zukki did not attend the burial, but he sent a nice letter saying that he approved.
#The caravan leader keeps a box for lost and found items. Yesterday the box went missing, so Zukki is being very careful not to lose anything until it is found.
#Zukki meets many Nords in his travels. They may look like idiots and talk like idiots, but do not let this deceive you. They really are idiots.
#Have I mentioned the Khajiit named Naamah? She travels with the caravan. She is very popular with all the young males, and she knows that. Every night she visits a different bedroll. One might say that she climbed the ladder of popularity wrong by wrong.
#The female called Naamah continues to annoy this one to no end. This is probably because she lacks the power of conversation, but not the power of speech. Every time she opens her mouth, Zukki gets a fierce desire to be lonesome.
#Zukki will never understand humans. They work hard to earn gold, and then spend it on things they don't want, to impress people they don't like. How does this make sense?
#Today was Naamah's turn to cook. She asked Zukki, 'Do you want some dinner?' 'What are Zukki's choices?' he asked. 'Yes or no,' she replied. Zukki is beginning to like her. This worries him.
#Another bandit attack on the road. Zukki believes that there are two kinds of people in this world: those who draw steel and stand up for themselves and those who run for the bushes. Bushes are better. They also offer shade.
#Why are these Altmer so serious? They never smile or laugh. If they find it so hard to laugh at themselves, Zukki would be pleased to do it for them.
#Zukki has had a very satisfying and productive day. Unfortunately, this was not it. Nonetheless, he has enclosed your delivery.
#This one is pleased to say that he has no enemies, but he will admit that he is intensely disliked by his friends.
#When Zukki was a kitten he used to pray for candy. Then he realized that the Divines do not work that way, so he stole some candy and prayed for forgiveness. This one is very good with finding loopholes.
#In all his travels, Zukki has learned many wise things. But the wisest of all is this: 'Often the best thing to do is nothing, and nothing is always a clever thing to say.' The young do not understand this. Zukki doesn't know why he keeps making mistakes if these kittens refuse to learn from them.
#There is so much crime and wrongdoing in these lands. This frustrates Zukki. He wishes either that there were less wrongdoings, or that he had more of a chance to profit from them.
#Among the Khajiit, there is a saying. 'A true friend does not stab you in the back.' Zukki does not have many friends, but he is pretty sure that all of them would all stab him in the front.
#This one does not like politics, nor does he trust politicians. When he was a kitten, he was told that anyone could become Emperor. He is beginning to believe it.
#Zukki is used to bad luck and hard times. A seer once told him that he will have a sad life and a sad death. This was very useful because he knew to lower his expectations. Also, Zukki appreciates symmetry.
#This one has heard it is said that ignorance is bliss. Orcs must be the happiest people in the Mundus.
#Zukki is trying to be healthier. He is eating leaner meats, exercising more, and he has cut down on the wine and the moon sugar. Already, in just fourteen days, he has lost two weeks.
#This one never believed in luck, but recently he has been reconsidering. Zukki has no other way to explain the continued success of the idiots who surround him.
#Namah invited Zukki to a party in the city. He agreed to go, but he is not looking forward to it. What is the point? Surely not for Zukki to enjoy himself. If that were the purpose, the host could have sent wine and moon sugar to Zukki's camp by wagon and saved him the long walk.
#Zukki is writing from the party. It is a most boring affair. When this one is the most interesting person in the room, it is time to leave. But, Zukki's wine glass keeps being refilled by a serving girl, so he has decided to see how intoxicated he can get and how many people he can mock.
#Namah ran off with a Nord she met at the party. He was very impressive. Seldom has Zukki ever experienced such a small mind in such an enormous head.
#Zukki has decided that parties are just sad excuses for idiots to drink excessively and rub against each other in the hopes of distracting themselves from the meaningless emptiness of their pathetic lives. This one is shocked. All this time, he thought they were without value!
#On the road there are good days, and bad days. This means that some days Zukki will be cranky, and on other days he will be really cranky. Today he is really cranky.
#This one is having trouble sleeping. Last night he lay awake, staring at the stars, asking himself, 'Where has Zukki gone wrong?' Then he heard a little voice speak to him. The voice said, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
#Zukki finally got some sleep last night, but he had a dream that he had insomnia. When he woke up he was exhausted, but far too well-rested to go back to sleep.
#Zukki may be old, but he is not senile. If he burns the whole caravan down it will be on purpose, but he will be sure to send your delivery first.
#There is a good side to being as old as Zukki. People tend to treat you like an idiot, so you can get away with acting like one from time to time. It breaks up the day.
#This one has gained weight, and has been drinking too much. Also, his back hurts. If Zukki knew he was going to live this long he would have taken better care of himself.
#It was Zukki's turn to do the dishes tonight. He didn't do a very good job. This one realized a long time ago that if he does a job badly enough, sometimes he doesn't get asked to do it again.
#Sikka is one of the caravan guards, and he is always bossing Zukki around like he is the smartest Khajiit in the Mundus. A Khajiit who thinks he knows it all is especially annoying to those of us that do.
#This one is still angry at his beautiful young Khajiit mistress for not existing. Your delivery is enclosed.
#The caravan met up with a troupe of traveling circus performers, but they turned out to be criminals who tried to rob us and we had to fight them off. Zukki did very well because he thought quickly. He went right for the juggler.
#Khajiit have no sense of humor. A young one traveling with the caravan got put on limited rations because his mother said he was getting fat. So I said to her, 'You've got tubby kitten!' Khajiit have no sense of humor. 
#Your delivery is enclosed. Did I mention the female called Namah grew tired of the Nord she ran off with? She has returned to the caravan, but she still wants nothing to do with Zukki. She says that Zukki is too condescending. Isn't that adorable? 
#This one wishes the other Khajiit would just leave him alone. Zukki swears, one day he will snap and strangle one of them. He is reminded of the old Khajiit saying, 'You can attractt more flies with honey ... if you pour it over a dead body.' 
#Zukki was forcibly removed from a local tavern and told he should never come back. In his defense, the tavern had a sign that said, 'Wet Floor.' Here is your delivery. 
#Why is it that every time Zukki opens his mouth, some idiot starts making speeches? Here is your delivery. 
#This one thinks that Khajiit females should stop having kittens at forty, because Dark Moons! That is a lot of kittens! 
==Trivia==
*A total of 100 additional mail messages were added with the introduction of .Update 14 Patch Notes
==Appearances==
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==References==
Category:Online: Hirelings