Episode 314: Harry Belafonte/transcript

The Muppet Show transcript for Episode 314: Harry Belafonte.
==Cold open==
 	The dressing room. Scooter knocks on the door and peers in.
Scooter	Harry Belafonte. Thirty seconds to curtain, Mr. Belafonte.
Harry 	Thank you, Scooter.
Scooter	Say, uh, is everything all right?
Harry 	Oh, yeah, everything's okay. Except, you know, I haven't done the show yet, and already somebody started to put me down.
Scooter	No! What do you mean?
Harry 	Just now I heard somebody outside my door say, "Don't go inside that dressing room. Crazy Harry's in there."
Scooter	(laughs) Well, they didn't mean you. You see, Crazy Harry's a Mu… Crazy Harry?!
 	
 	Crazy Harry appears behind them. He sets off an explosion, blowing Scooter away.
==Theme==
Kermit 	It's The Muppet Show with our very special guest star, Harry Belafonte! Yaaaay!
 	The curtain opens, and the theme begins.
Waldorf	I've seen enough. Let's leave. (exits with Statler)
 	
 	A small spot flies out of Gonzo's trumpet, buzzing around his head like a bee.
==Opening number==
 	Main stage. Kermit enters to applause and reads from a paper.
Kermit 	Uh... "Thank you, thank you." Fozzie, this is not going to work.
Fozzie 	Just read off the page, frog.
 	
Kermit 	Um... "Lagies and genglefens…" Lagies and genglefens?
Fozzie 	(comes onstage) Let's see.
Kermit 	It says Lagies and genglefens."
Fozzie 	All right. So my typing is bad. (exits)
Kermit 	"Lagies and genglefins, welcon again ti the Muppel Shox." Uh... "My name is Kermit the Forg." The Forg?
Fozzie 	Come on, pick up the pace. Here we go.
Kermit 	"And our spegial guest stap is the amazing Hapry Belaf…" That's Harry Belafonte, folks.
Fozzie 	Kermit, your timing must be off. You should be getting big laughs with that stuff.
 	Kermit screams and shoos Fozzie away.
Kermit 	Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Harry Belafonte!
 	Open on a dock setting with banana boxes. Harry stands near a parrot, singing acapella.
Harry 	
Daaaay-oh. Daaaay-oh.
Daylight come and me wan' go home.
Day … Me say day, me say day, me say day, me say day, me say day-ay-oh…
Daylight come and me wan' go home.
Fozzie 	That was beautiful.
Harry 	Thank you very much, but I'm not finished with the song yet.
Fozzie 	Oh, yeah, but boy, that was terrific. I — I bet you must have sang that song a bunch of times on TV, huh?
Harry 	No, no, as a matter of fact, this is the very first time.
Fozzie 	This here on The Muppet Show is the very first time you sang this…?
Harry 	The very first time. That's why it's very special to me.
Fozzie 	You bet it is, and to us, too. I'll tell you what. We're gonna do it up really perfect. Hey, pigs. Pigs, come on in.
 	Some pigs emerge.
Fozzie 	This — this is your pig chorus. Okay, and uh — and, I'll take care of everything else. Don't worry. This is gonna be great.
Harry 	Are you sure?
Fozzie 	… Trust me.
 	Harry sings with accompaniment.
Harry 	Work all night on a drink of rum.
Harry & others	Daylight come and me wanna go home.
Harry 	Stack banana till the morning come.
Harry & others	Daylight come and me wanna go home.
Harry 	Come mister tally man, tally me banana.
Harry & others	Daylight come and me wanna go home.
Harry 	Come—
Fozzie 	Excuse me. I'm sorry. Excuse me. Uh, what is a tally man?
Harry 	What is what?
Fozzie 	A — tally man. You sang "tally man". What's that?
Harry 	Well... well, he's the boss. The tally man is the guy who counts the bananas as they go into the hole of the ship. Without him there's just — just no work. He's a very important man.
Fozzie 	Ahh! C-could I be a tally man?
Harry 	Sure.
Fozzie 	Oh, yeah? Well, terrific. (he dons a straw hat) Okay, here I am, the tally man, or the tally bear. Ahh! Okay, we got the tally bear, the boat, the chorus with the pigs and the parrot. Uh, okay, keep singing. This is gonna be great.
Harry 	Are you sure we have everything?
Fozzie 	Sure.
Harry 	How about the bananas?
Fozzie 	The what?
Harry 	Bananas. We need bananas. It's the Banana Boat Song. We have to have bananas.
Fozzie 	… Good thinking. Uh, I got just the man. Beauregard!
Beauregard 	Yes?
Fozzie 	Come here. You got a job. Uh, get bananas for this song.
Beauregard 	Okay. (rushes off)
Fozzie 	Okay. Go ahead. This is just gonna be great.
Harry 	He's gonna get the bananas?
Fozzie 	He's gonna get the bananas and the song's gonna be wonderful now.
Harry 	Are you sure?
Fozzie 	… Trust me.
Harry 	It's what you said the last time.
 	He stands up and sings.
Harry 	Come mister tally man, tally me banana.
Harry & others	Daylight come and me wanna go home.
 	Beauregard brings a bag of onions.
Harry 	Come mister tally man, tally me banana.
Fozzie 	(stammers) Those are onions! Get bananas!
Harry & others	Daylight come and me wanna go home.
Harry 	Lift six hand, seven hand, eight hand bunch.
Harry & others	Daylight come and me wanna go home.
 	Beauregard brings some eggplants.
Harry 	Six hand, seven hand, eight hand bunch.
Harry & others	Daylight come and me wanna go home.
Fozzie 	I don't even know what those are. Bananas — they're yellow. Go get the bananas! (to Harry) Keep singing.
Harry 	Day … me say day-oh.
Harry & others	Daylight come and me wanna go home.
Harry 	Day … me say day-oh.
Harry & others	Daylight come and me wanna go home.
 	Beauregard brings some pineapples. Fozzie hits him with his hat.
Fozzie 	Stop that. Beauregard! They're n- they're pineapples!
Harry 	A beautiful bunch of ripe banana.
Harry & others	Daylight come and me wanna go home.
Fozzie 	What're you doing? They're pineapples! Don't you know what bananas are? (to Harry) I'm sorry, sir. Don't you understand?
Harry 	Hide the deadly black tarantula.
Tarantula 	Daylight come and me wanna go home.
Parrot 	No, no, no. I don't work with the deadly tarantula. I do all my own...
 	Commotion ensues among them all.
Harry 	Fellas, please. Wait, wait, wait, please. Oh, come on. Wait a minute, please. Look. Don't worry about the tarantula. Don't worry about the pineapples and the onions. Look — this is the first time I'm doing this song on television and I really would like to get it right. I'd like it to look good for all the people. Come on — won't you help me out? Let's pull together, okay?
Fozzie 	Okay, right, yeah.
Beauregard 	Sorry.
Harry 	Everybody ready, okay?
Parrot 	Okay.
Harry 	Just watch me, okay? It'll work.
Fozzie 	Y-y-you really think it'll work?
Harry 	Trust me.
I lift six hand, seven hand, eight hand bunch.
Harry & others	
Daylight come and me wan' go home.
Six hand, seven hand, eight hand bunch.
Daylight come and me wan' go home.
Harry 	Come, mister tally man, tally me banana.
Harry & others	Daylight come and me wan' go home.
Harry 	Come, mister tally man, tally me banana.
 	The music stops.
Harry & others	Daylight come and me wan' go hooooome.
Harry 	Daaaaay-oh!
 	
Harry & others	Daaaaay-oh!
Harry 	Day-ay-ay-oh.
Harry & others	Day-ay-ay-oh.
Harry 	Daylight come and me wan' go home.
Harry & others	Daylight come and me wan' go home.
Harry 	Day!
Others 	(haphazardly) Day!
Harry 	Once again, please… Day!
Others 	(haphazardly) Day!
Harry 	Can we — can we do it all together?
Fozzie 	Yes, sir, I'm sorry.
Harry 	Here we go. Day!
Others 	(haphazardly) Day!
Harry 	All right. Me say day, me say day, me say day, me say day, me say day-ay-ay-oh.
Others 	(fumbling) Me say day, me say day, me say day…
Parrot 	How many is that?
Fozzie 	Seven of 'em, I think. Me say day-oh…
Harry 	HOOH! … (conducts)
Harry & others	Daylight come and me wan' go home.
 	
 	Applause. Sweetums wheels out a giant bunch of bananas. Harry grins.
Statler 	That Banana Boat's a wonderful number.
Waldorf 	Yeah, and look what they did to it.
Statler 	(laughs)
Waldorf 	I have a good mind to go home.
Statler 	If you had a good mind you wouldn't be here in the first place.
 	They chuckle.
==Backstage==
 	The parrot passes by with a pig.
Kermit 	Okay, nice number, nice number.
Pig (RH) 	(to parrot) We got some crackers in the kitchen.
Beauregard	(holding some bananas) Hey, Kermit, I always thought these was peachies.
Kermit 	Hoo boy.
Fozzie 	Hey, hey, watch out, Kermit. Beauregard, watch out. (arrives at the typewriter) Uh, let's see. Uh, where was I here, where was I?
Kermit 	(through the intercom) Rowlf and Lew Zealand on stage for the musical moment.
Fozzie 	Uh, that's it, the musical moment. Yeah. (starts typing)
Kermit 	Fozzie, what are you doing with this typewriter on my table?
Fozzie 	Kermit, I am writing the script for this week's show.
Kermit 	But — what makes you think the show needs a script?
Fozzie 	Oh, Kermit, come on. Every show has a script. Yeah, that way you leave nothing to chance. (to Rowlf and Lew) Hey, guys, guys, hey, hey, hey. (hands them the page from the typewriter) Here is the musical moment for this week.
 	
Rowlf 	Uh... "Curtains open. Lew Zeeland and Rowlf do something funny. Curtains close."
Fozzie 	"Close."
 	Rowlf shrugs. He and Lew go onstage.
Fozzie 	Go get 'em!
Kermit 	You leave nothing to chance, huh?
Fozzie 	Trust me.
=="Tea for Two"==
 	
 	A fanfare plays as the curtain opens on Rowlf and Lew at a piano.
Lew Zealand	Do you know "Tea for Two"?
Rowlf 	"Tea for Two"? I know it backwards.
Lew Zealand	Oh, good, 'cause that's the way we want to hear it.
Rowlf 	Good, 'cause that's the way I'm gonna sing it. (plays)
wot rof aet…
Lew Zealand	And aet rof wot…
Rowlf 	Uoy rof em…
Lew Zealand	And em rof uoy…
Both 	Ees uoy tnac, yppah woh ew lliw eb?
 	Applause.
Lew Zealand	(laughs) Much very you thank.
Rowlf 	Mine was pleasure the.
==Pigs in Space==
Announcer 	And now, time once again for PIGS… IN… SPACE!
 	Open on the Swinetrek interior. Piggy notices Strangepork with a strange ray-gun-like device. Strange.
Miss Piggy 	What's old stupid doing?
Link Hogthrob 	I'm not doing a thing.
Miss Piggy 	(sarcastic) Well! He answers when called. Ahem. Not you, stupid, dear. The, uh, the stupid on the end.
Dr. Julius Strangepork	Oh, yes, I'm perfecting my dissolvatron.
Miss Piggy 	Ooh, what is that? What does it do?
Dr. Julius Strangepork	It does this.
 	He points it at Piggy's beverage cup, and it vanishes.
Dr. Julius Strangepork	(laughs) And, it does this.
 	
 	He points it at the table, and the cup re-materializes. He drinks Piggy's beverage.
Miss Piggy 	Hey, you!
Link Hogthrob 	What a wonderful trick. Do that again. … Hm?
Dr. Julius Strangepork	(finishes drinking) Ahh! Well, it's very simple, Link. You see, this ray dissolves anything I point it at.
 	He points it at Link and Piggy, who vanish.
Miss Piggy 	Watch it! Don't do that …
Dr. Julius Strangepork	Hah. And, then it will un-dissolve you thusly.
 	He brings them back.
Dr. Julius Strangepork	(laughs) And there you are.
Miss Piggy 	(with Link's voice) Exactly as we were before. (notices she sounds funny)
Link Hogthrob 	(with Piggy's voice) Uh, maybe not exactly.
Miss Piggy 	(with Link's voice) Bu— but this is terrible. I can't live my life being you.
Link Hogthrob 	(with Piggy's voice) Ha! You think you got troubles!
Miss Piggy 	(with Link's voice) Heh … of course, I am kind of cute this way.
Link Hogthrob 	(with Piggy's voice) Hey, watch it, watch it. Don't you dare touch you!
Miss Piggy 	(with Link's voice) Strangepork, this is all your fault.
Link Hogthrob 	(with Piggy's voice) Yeah, yeah! What do you have to say for yourself?
Dr. Julius Strangepork	(with Janice's voice) Ew. This is a bummer. I mean, rully.
 	Janice enters.
Janice 	(with Strangepork's voice) Something has gone wrong with my dissolvatron.
Dr. Julius Strangepork	(with Janice's voice) Oh, this is definitely not my scene.
Link Hogthrob 	(with Piggy's voice) Oh, Kermie. Kermie! Help! Where are you, Kermie?
 	Kermit and the Swedish Chef enter, also with switched voices.
Kermit 	(with the Chef's voice) Øh, hurngå førm bes vern då Pïgs ïn Spåce.
Link Hogthrob 	(with Piggy's voice) Kermie!
Swedish Chef 	(with Kermit's voice) That does it. Uh, the sketch is cancelled. Kill the lights. Uh, strike the scenery. Curtain!
 	The curtain closes.
==UK spot==
	
	Zoot and Floyd play "Honeysuckle Rose", but are bothered by a bee. Zoot eventually sucks the bee in through his saxophone, spitting it out at the end of the song.
==Animal's drum battle==
	
	Harry and Animal perform a call-and-response drum battle. At the end, they both collapse.
==Backstage==
 	Fozzie, still typing, notices that his tie has gotten stuck in the typewriter.
Fozzie	Oh, no. (tugs it) Oh, no! Oh! This is so embarrassing. (he pulls harder) I wonder if this ever happened to Neil Simon. Oh, boy.
Rowlf 	Hey, Fozzie.
Fozzie	Oh! Hi. Hi, Rowlf.
Rowlf 	How's it going?
Fozzie	Oh, well, gosh, I, uh... I, uh... Um...
Rowlf 	You're stuck, huh?
Fozzie	Yeah.
Rowlf 	Listen, it happens to all writers.
Fozzie	This does?
 	
Rowlf 	Sure. It's what's called "writer's block".
Fozzie	Oh! Oh, oh, oh, yeah.
Rowlf 	Y'know, where you can't come up with the next line.
Fozzie	Yes, well, I, uh, I can't come up with the next line.
Rowlf 	Well, maybe I can help.
Fozzie	Mm.
Rowlf 	Let me see what you last wrote here.
 	
 	Rowlf yanks the paper from the typewriter and pulls Fozzie's tie through with it.
==Muppet Sports==
 	The opening montage plays.
Louis Kazagger	Hello, sports fans! Louis Kazagger bringing you the wild world of Muppet sports. You join us today for the start of the 100-meter blindfold sprint.
 	Angle on the finalists.
Louis Kazagger	And the finalists are on their marks. And they can't see a thing. … Not even the starting flag. So, we'll try the pistol.
 	The pig referee fires a pistol, and the runners start running in different directions and knocking each other down.
Louis Kazagger	And there they go! And there, and there, and over there! Yes, #0 — ah! — knocked down by #2. He's up again. #7 looking like a man of action. #0 knocked down again, this time by #6! 0 off to the side, 6 is off. Here comes 2 looking very far back, but #7 is quite good. I think he's found it! I think he's found the finish mark! Here they come, ladies and gentlemen!
 	
 	#7 detects the finish line and tries to run through it, but ends up getting tangled in the poles.
Louis Kazagger	And we have a winner! … And we need a stretcher!
 	Two blindfolded medics rush to his aid, but to no avail.
Louis Kazagger	Uh, uh, back to the regular program. Uh …
Statler 	I think that number raises a pertinent question.
Waldorf 	What's that?
Statler 	Why did they do it?
 	They chuckle.
=="Turn the World Around"==
 	Fozzie and Harry sit in the dressing room.
Harry 	How's the writing going, Fozz?
Fozzie	Oh, boy, I didn't know it would be that tough, Harry. Well — you know. You write a lot of stuff.
Harry 	No, not really. No — well, I write songs.
Fozzie	Oh, yeah, they're terrific too. Hey — how do you get ideas for all those songs?
Harry 	Well, they don't come easily. You have to get inspired.
Fozzie	Hmm.
Harry 	Like the song we're gonna do next.
Fozzie	Uh-huh.
Harry 	I discovered that song in Africa. I was in a county called Guinea. And I went deep into the interior of the county, and in a little village I met with a storyteller.
 	African music slowly fades in as the other Muppets gather around him.
 	
Harry 	And that storyteller went way back into African tradition, and African mythology, and began to tell this story about the fire …
Fozzie	Uh huh.
Harry 	… which means the sun, and about the water, and about the earth. And he pointed out that all of these things, put together, turn the world around. And that all of us, we're here for a very, very short time. And in that time that we're here, there really isn't any difference in any of us, if we were to take time out to understand each other. And uh, the question is, do I know who you are? Do you know who I am? Do we care about each other? 'Cause if we do, together we can … turn the world around.
 	
 	Four African masked dancers enter to join Harry in singing "Turn the World Around". The Muppets join him in the end.
==Goodnights==
Kermit	Well, it — it's been such a great show, that we can hardly bring ourselves to end it. And we all know who we have to thank for that.
 	
Fozzie	The scriptwriter!
Kermit	No, no, the guest star, Fozzie. And so, thank you from all of us, Mr. Harry Belafonte!
 	Applause.
Harry 	This is the greatest group of singers I've ever worked with! To the Muppets! Night, all.
Kermit	Hey, we'll see you next time on The Muppet Show!
 	Harry and the Muppets, including Statler and Waldorf, continue singing the chorus over the credits.
__NOWYSIWYG__
Category:Muppet Show Transcripts