Thorrin's Brief Guide to History Or "Everyone is a Bastard"

[Designer's note: The Dwarf, Thorrin is the undisputedly greatest expert on the history of Midian. From the time before the foundation of the Olde Empire, to current events, Thorrin is the one to turn to. He is a wonderful storyteller; however, as a loremaster, he makes his living by selling information. We were only able to pry this small amount of knowledge from him by getting the little bastard drunk. The following is an excerpted transcript.]
"So, was the world really a happier, rosier, place before the Humans came?"
"I'm not that old. Miss, get me another."
"You were saying…"
"What?"
"About how great everything was before."
"Before what?"
"Humans."
"Oh, yeah. Way back before the Olde Empire, even before the Kingdoms [note—he is referring to before the foundation of the oldest Dwarven mountain Kingdoms], It was just the Elves running things. They watched everything else evolve except for you long-legged ones—and the Killian."
"What about the Killian?"
"They kept to themselves back then even more than they do now. They were still building those 'old proud traditions' then. Their own legends that date back that far don't indicate that the castes were physically different, just socially. That may mean that they just didn't think much of it, or it could mean that the split is more recent—say post 'Red Dawn.'"
"What's a 'Red Dawn'? Who's she?"
"Not a she, a when. You should already know about this. It's the Adventus Sanguis. 'Red Dawn' is the Elven term for the celestial event when the skies were hazed with red dust for months. They figure that this event heralded the arrival of Humans. This was back a couple thousand years ago. Hell, your own calendar is dated from then; AAS: Ante Adventus Sanguis, PAS: Post Adventus Sanguis. So like today is Sellday, the 18th of Mandalus, 443, 2nd eon PAS. Nobody knows exactly what caused it, but it left its mark. There's a cursed scar on the eastern continent nearly a mile wide, with debris strewn about for miles that seems to be technomantic in origin. Sometime after that, the Humans showed up."
"So, nobody knows what happened?"
"Nobody."
"Not even you?"
"Shut up. For that, you owe me another stout."
"So what about…"
"No, nothing for free. Pay up or drink up."
[Several pints and a couple of off-key (and off-colour) drinking songs later]
<<Loud & off-key>> "…and I swear that… I didn't know that… was your mother!…
"Any way, The Hobgoblins came down from those frozen islands to the north—way up above Heldan & the Farreaches. They were mean enough to take what they wanted, just smart enough to work in groups—just barely, mind you—and bred fast enough to form an Empire before those Elves could make a decision on what to do with them. The Olde Empire—apparently it had always been called that, maybe just an extension of 'the old Emperor. What? Oh, yeah, the Old Empire stretched from what's now the Heldanic Freeholds to the north shore of the Byzant Empire. The Greatsea formed the eastern boundary, and the western expansion stopped at the mountains surrounding the Elven lands—and even then, they were spreading north of there into the Farreaches. The Hobgoblins somehow managed to keep their shit together for almost 2800 years, before the Olde Empire got too big for them to run. Things were starting to fall apart all over. Your ancestors were raiding them to the south—you guys probably kept them from expanding further, by the way—my ancestors were rebelling all over. We were casting aside the shackles of our oppression. Being an industrious folk, we probably had the biggest role to play in defeating the Hobgoblin armies, but the Elves were waking up then, so they swept in with their armies and took all the credit. We Dwarves were almost wiped out for our efforts. Our numbers dwindled greatly under the Hobgoblin dominion.
"It didn't take long for you long-legged types to start grabbing up land. You see, we Dwarves are indigin… indigent… indigenously… that right? Fuck, I don't know. We're native to this area. Indigenous—that's it. Oh, yeah, you guys took over everything—just like your predecessors—but at least you had the decency to live and let live. For the most part, that is. We Dwarves are a more sensible people. Ssshhientific fact, that is. We don't form kingdoms bigger than we can walk across in a week. You lose your sense of community that way.
"There were quite a lot of little countries after that. The five biggest—and most vicious—here in the north were united under the rule of one powerful and influential family. That family still governs Formour today. The biggest—and most organised—in the south became the Byzant Empire as it gobbled up its neighbours. They've been quiet now for over 40 years of peace, but just between you and me, I don't think that they're completely out of the Empire-building business just yet. I never expected those bastards to ever let peace break out.
"Damn you Humans sure do look like monkeys."
"Excuse me?" [This comment was from the serving-girl.]
"Not you, honey. Monkeyboy here." [Points at your transcriber]
"Now I think you owe me one."
"Sure thing, monkeyboy. Heh, monkeyboy.
"Where was I?"
"Byzant Empire."
"Oh, yeah. Okay. Monkeyboy, fast-forward a little closer to the present. About a couple hundred years ago the Elves—never a sociable bunch—began to sequester themselves again. They completely broke off all diplomatic ties & sealed their borders, even to other Elves. Fifty years ago they started allowing their people to come & go, and opened limited trade to only two places along their borders. One is a seaport in the south; the other is a little trading post in the mountains that separate their lands from Formour. They have only allowed a select few trusted merchant families and companies into these trade centres; they never allow anyone to actually enter their lands. Not a real trusting folk, I say.
"Most of the few surviving Hobgoblins escaped into the Farreaches. One tribe—the largest & highest-ranked, the Juran—holed themselves up in what was the Emperor's private hunting ground. 'Great-grandfather General' yeah, that's what they called their emperor; the Juran were his kin. That forest is now known as the Hobgoblin Enclave in Formour. Both northern and enclave Hobgoblins eak out a meagre existence—a pathetic shadow of their former glory; the Hobgoblins in the Enclave exist only at the forbearance of the Humans.
There are a few smaller Kingdoms left from the Humans time of nation building and expansion. A few adventurous souls have spread further north and into scattered communities in the Farreaches. Some of these—seafarers, herders, and warriors, mostly—formed the loose confederacy of the Heldanic Freeholds. There are a few island nations in the Greatsea. Some of the oldest Human lands still exist to the south and the west of the Byzant Empire. I don't expect those poor bastards to last very long. Although the Byzant Empire has been peaceful for about 40 years now."
"You said that already."
"Oh, yeah. How about another drink for an old man parched from so much talking?
"We Dwarves still mine and are starting to gain in number. Hobgoblins are still fornicating and generally up to no good. Humans still like taking things over and killing each other… and the Elves are still bastards. Now how about that drink, monkeyboy?"
[At this point Thorrin buggered off and got halfway through another song when he passed-out—took two tables out along with him—and spilled almost as many drinks as he had in him.]
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