SquidBob 2

SquidBob 2 is the forty-eighth episode of The SpongeBob and Daddy Pig Show, and the tenth episode of the fifth and final season. It was written by and released on April 10, 2024.
It is a sequel to the previous episode SquidBob, also from the fifth season, and the first episode of the series to be produced by Blue Lobster Productions after the old production company, Coral Blue Productions, merged with it.
== Transcript == 
[Exterior shot of The Krusty Krab at night. SpongeBob turns the “OPEN” sign on the door around so it reads “CLOSED”.]
SpongeBob: (sighs) The worst time of the day… closing time. And tomorrow The Krusty Krab is closed…….
[Squidward is on the other side of the room mopping.]
Squidward: Honey, you need to take breaks every once in a while. Being manager has been making you stressed as fuck. You deserve to take a break, okay?
SpongeBob: I guess… 
[Squidward starts nervously fidgeting. He takes a deep breath and then starts walking closer to SpongeBob.]
Squidward: You know babe… I was actually wondering, um…
SpongeBob: Yuh?
Squidward: Since we’re like… you know… boyfriends, heh… and we’ve been boyfriends for a good few months now… maybe we could- I mean, I was wondering if you’d be interested in- I- we-
[Pause.]
Squidward: Do you want to, um… go on a date with me? Maybe? It’s- It’s fine if you’re not interested, I just-
[SpongeBob kisses Squidward on the cheek.]
SpongeBob: I’d like that… I’d really like that. A lot, actually.
[The two hug.]
Squidward: (blushing) Oh, wow…… you’re so warm…
SpongeBob: What did you have in mind? For our… (he tickles Squidward’s nose) date, I mean.
Squidward: I- (he giggles as he continues to be tickled) Stop! You’re too much!
[SpongeBob stops tickling him.]
Squidward: I- …it’s a surprise. Just meet me tomorrow morning. I think you’ll like it.
SpongeBob: Like you like being tickled?
[Squidward’s face basically looks like a tomato at this point.]
Squidward: I DO NOT LIKE BEING TICKLED!
[SpongeBob starts tickling Squidward again.]
SpongeBob: Are you sure about that…?
Squidward: AAAA! YOU’VE FOUND MY WEAKNESS! STOP!
SpongeBob: But I love making you squirm like this!
Squidward: (giggling) AAAA-
[Bubble transition to Squidward driving SpongeBob somewhere the next day.]
SpongeBob: Ooh! I love this new car of yours, Squidward. It’s so comfy.
Squidward: Heh, thanks. It’s okay I guess. I’m not really a car guy.
SpongeBob: Oh, pfffft. Me neither. It’s such a boring special interest people have.
Squidward: I know, right?! Why can’t you just hyperfixate on something cool like bubble blowing or something?!
SpongeBob: …Y- Y- You… you really think bubble blowing is cool…?
Squidward: I think you’re cool, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: I’m not that cool…
[The car passes a sign reading-]
SpongeBob: “GLOVE UNIVERSE NEXT RIGHT?!” OH MY TALKING BEN! SQUIDWARD! ARE WE REALLY-
Squidward: I told you you’d like it. 
[The car drives through the gates of the theme park and Squidward parks the car. Cut to the two approaching the theme park’s entrance.]
SpongeBob: I haven’t actually been here in ages. Or been anywhere in ages, now that I think about it. It’s been kinda boring since Daddy Pig moved back with his wife ages ago.
Squidward: I thought you had your cousin Stanley and Uncle Pig living with you now.
SpongeBob: Oh, they bought an apartment in New Kelp City between the last episode and this one. It’s been a really long hiatus.
[They approach the ticket stand. A familiar face is behind the booth.]
Pampers: Tickets?
Squidward: Oh, right. Lemme just get my phone out.
[Squidward rummages through his belongings for his phone with the tickets on. SpongeBob looks at the guy behind the ticket stand.]
SpongeBob: Hey… aren’t you like the president of somewhere or something? Some really weird obscure country I think, unless I’m wrong. I wanna say… Molvanîa? Yerba? Hungary?
Pampers: Hungary’s not a real country. But yeah, I was president of Original Island. Until the WOKE LIBERAL MEDIA CANCELLED ME! MY RELATIONSHIPS WITH THOSE MEN HAS ALWAYS BEEN-
[There is a noticeable jumpcut in the episode.]
Pampers: -CONSENSUAL! 
Squidward: I found the tickets!
[Pampers scans the tickets and the gate opens.]
Pampers: (fake smiling) Enjoy your visit!
SpongeBob: You too!
[SpongeBob and Squidward walk through the gates.]
Pampers: (mimicking SpongeBob) You too! 
[An alarm goes off on Pampers’ phone.]
Pampers: Yo, quitting time! Now I can catch up on my car repair videos.
[SpongeBob and Squidward enter Glove Universe. SpongeBob's eyes widen with excitement as he takes in the sights and sounds of the park. Squidward’s legs start twitching.]
SpongeBob: You okay, babe?
Squidward: Yeah, I just… didn’t realise there’d be so many people.
SpongeBob: Anxiety, I get it. You wanna hold hands?
Squidward: I… I’d- yeah.
[The two grasp each others hands.]
Squidward: (blushing) Thanks. Your hands are so soft and squidgy. 
[Pause.]
Squidward: Sorry, was that weird?
SpongeBob: I like weird.
[SpongeBob starts running off, dragging Squidward by his hand with him.]
SpongeBob: Come on! The queue for Glove Mountain seems really short!
[Cut to the two queuing to ride the rollercoaster.]
Squidward: Twenty minutes?! I thought you said the wait was short.
SpongeBob: This is short for Glove Mountain. I- We- We don’t have to wait if you don’t want to.
Squidward: It’s okay, I don’t mind. I promise.
Title card: Twenty minutes later…
[Cut to further ahead in the queue. SpongeBob and Squidward are at the front now.]
Employee: Alright, you two lovebirds are next.
SpongeBob: (autism creature voice) Yippee!!
[SpongeBob and Squidward climb into the cart.]
SpongeBob: You comfy?
Squidward: I guess… 
[The employee pulls a lever and the rollercoaster cart starts going along the tracks.]
Squidward: Ew, someone left a bag of chips in the cart. Who eats food on a rollercoaster?
SpongeBob: I dunno.
[The two ride the rollercoaster for the bit. The reach the bit just before the end and the cart starts going up a steep section.]
Squidward: Huh… we’re pretty high now, pookie.
SpongeBob: Ooh-ooh! The drop here is my favourite part!
Squidward: (gulps) …drop?
[The two reach the peak of the hill.]
SpongeBob: Woah… you can see the whole park from up here! Isn’t this great, Squid- 
[SpongeBob looks over in concern at Squidward, who is now bright green.]
SpongeBob: …Squidward?
[The rollercoaster cart drops down the hill. Squidward barfs all over the cart. Cut to SpongeBob and Squidward sat down at a restaurant area of the park looking at a picture of the two on the rollercoaster and Squidward puking everywhere.]
SpongeBob: I’m sorry, baby. I shouldn’t have made you go on there.
Squidward: No, no, it’s completely my fault. I should have told you heights made me queasy. I just wanted to see you happy…
SpongeBob: Just try to take it easy now, hm?
Squidward: I’ll try…
[The two kiss.]
Squidward: Um… that probably wasn’t the best idea considering I’ve just thrown up.
SpongeBob: I don’t care. I love kissing you and your soft delicate little lips.
[Cut to the two walking around the park. They come across an alley with carnival games and stalls and stuff.]
Squidward: Ooh! I know! How about I make it up to you for the whole puking on you thing by winning a stuffed animal or something? Huh, huh?!
SpongeBob: You really don’t have to do that.
Squidward: I want to though, You’re my boyfriend.
[They find one of those tin can games.]
Carny: Step right up, step right up! Throw the ball, knock down all the tin cans and win a plushie!
[Pan up to the rack of stuffed animals up for grabs. One of them is a massive Hello Kitty.]
SpongeBob: OOH! LOOK AT THE HELLO KITTY!
[SpongeBob tugs on Squidward’s shirt.]
SpongeBob: I NEEEED IT!!!
Squidward: I thought you said you didn’t want me to win you anything.
SpongeBob: THAT WAS IN THE PAST, I’M A CHANGED MAN! AND I NEEEEEED THAT HELLO KITTY!!
Squidward: Okay, okay! I’ll win you the Hello Kitty.
Carny: That’ll be one dollar per play.
Squidward: ONE DOLLAR?!
SpongeBob: What, are you Mr. Krabs now? Rest in peace.
Squidward: Ugh… the things I do for love.
[Squidward hands over a dollar and the carny hands him a baseball.]
Squidward: Okay, deep breaths, Squiddy, deep breaths…
[Squidward takes a deep breath and throws the ball at the tin cans. He misses.]
Carny: Ougfgh… Weak shot, bud. Better luck next time.
SpongeBob: It’s okay, Squidward. You did your best.
[Squidward slams down another dollar on the counter.]
Squidward: I am winning you that Hello Kitty…
[The carny takes the dollar and hands Squidward another baseball.]
Carny: Woah-ho-ho! Someone’s an eager beaver.
[Pan over to a very insecure beaver roaming the park.]
Beaver: OH COME ON! CAN’T I GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT PEOPLE COMMENTING ON HOW I LOOK?!
[The beaver angrily storms off.]
Squidward: …uh… anyways…
[Squidward takes the baseball and prepares to take aim.]
SpongeBob: You got this, babe!
[Squidward takes another deep breath.]
Squidward: Okay… here goes nothing.
[Squidward gets into position and aims to throw the ball.]
SpongeBob: You can do it!
[Squidward throws the ball towards the tin cans and… it bounces off the wall and back towards SpongeBob, hitting him in the eye.]
SpongeBob: GAH!
[SpongeBob covers his eye.]
Squidward: BABY!
[Squidward hugs SpongeBob.]
SpongeBob: It hurts…
Squidward: You okay?
[SpongeBob takes his hand off his eye.]
SpongeBob: Is it swollen?
[He has a black eye.]
Squidward: I… um… I can… let’s go get you some ice!
[Squidward holds SpongeBob as they rush off to get some ice.]
Carny: …I swear I saw this shit on Gravity Falls once.
[Cut to SpongeBob and Squidward sat at the same restaurant area again. SpongeBob is holding an ice pack over his eye.]
Squidward: I’m really sorry, SpongeBob…
SpongeBob: It’s okay. That stuffed Hello Kitty looked stupid anyway…
Squidward: But you said you really wanted it…
SpongeBob: Well… you said you wanted to win me something so I just kinda… yuh…
Squidward: Oh…
[Pause.]
Squidward: I’m really fucking sorry. I messed up big time.
SpongeBob: …hey, it’s not your fault.
Squidward: It literally is though! I puked all over you then gave you a black eye… I’m the worst boyfriend ever. I wanted to make this a special day for you and now the memory is completely ruined forever and it’s all because of me…
[Tears start falling from Squidward’s face; SpongeBob hugs Squidward.]
SpongeBob: Hey… hey, baby… don’t say that… I’ve loved today…
Squidward: …y-you have?
SpongeBob: Yes, stupid!
Squidward: …e-even though I puked on you and then gave you a black eye?
SpongeBob: Even though you puked on me and gave me a black eye.
[Pause.]
Squidward: But… but why??? I mean… all I’ve done today is a nuisance. 
SpongeBob: You haven’t been a nuisance at all, silly! Squidward, I fucking love spending time with you no matter what we’re doing. I just want to be with you, you know? You’re the nicest guy I’ve ever dated.
Squidward: I’m the only guy you’ve ever dated.
SpongeBob: That doesn’t make my statement any less valid. 
Squidward: Well… I’m glad, I guess.
SpongeBob: The only other person I’ve dated is Sandy and I like Sandy as a friend but she made me feel like nothing compared to what I feel when I’m with you. …I think maybe I only agreed to go out with her because she liked me and I guess I thought I liked her that way too and we’re both trans so, you know the safety aspect was nice I think.
Squidward: Huh. I didn’t know you were trans.
SpongeBob: Oh. Heh, have I not brought it up before?
Squidward: I don’t even know.
[Pause.]
Squidward: So are you like… transfem or-
SpongeBob: Transmasc. But I’d see why you’d think that.
[Pause.]
SpongeBob: …so, you’re like… cool with it?
Squidward: Why wouldn’t I be? I love you. …also, um, this isn’t really the same thing but I’m bi so, you know, I’m queer too.
SpongeBob: You’re dating a man, I already knew you were queer.
Squidward: …oh.
[Pause.]
Squidward: …this is awkward.
SpongeBob: Yeah… so… what now?
Squidward: SpongeBob…?
SpongeBob: Yuh.
Squidward: I was gonna save this for the right moment but I feel so happy to be with you right now…
[Squidward takes a deep breath.]
Squidward: I know this isn’t the most romantic way anyone has ever done this, but… SpongeBob…?
SpongeBob: Hm?
[Squidward gets down on one knee and pulls out a ring.]
Squidward: SpongeBob SquarePants, will you marry me?
SpongeBob: PFFFFFFFT! SQUID-
Squidward: Wh- what’s funny? Why are you laughing?
SpongeBob: Oh no no no! I’m not laughing at you, I’m just- of course I’ll marry you, you big dummy!
[SpongeBob rushes into Squidward’s arms and they hug once again.]
Squidward: For real?
SpongeBob: Yes, for real!
Squidward: So you’re gonna be my husband now?
SpongeBob: I’m gonna be your husband now!
Squidward: HE’S GONNA BE MY HUSBAND NOW!
SpongeBob: AND YOU’RE GONNA BE MY HUSBAND NOW!
Squidward: I’M SO HAPPY I CAN’T BREATHE!
[The camera pans out and the credits roll; post-credits scene: Pampers is on break watching something on his phone.]
Pampers: Man I love this show.
Announcer: (on phone) Did you know you can fix your car’s transmission in under three months?!
Pampers: No!
[To be continued…]
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