Episode 506: Brooke Shields/transcript

The Muppet Show transcript for Episode 506: Brooke Shields.
==Cold open==
 	Pops throws a paper airplane and giggles. Brooke enters with a suitcase.
Pops 	Who are you?
Brooke 	I'm your guest, Brooke Shields.
Pops 	Oh, yes. Brooke Shields. Yeah, he-here's your script.
Brooke 	Thank you. (looks at it) Gee, this is Alice in Wonderland. I thought I was doing something called The Muffin Show.
 	
White Rabbit	(runs by) OH DEAR, OH DEAR! I'M LATE! I'M LATE! WAAUGH!
Pops 	That answer your question?
Brooke 	No.
==Theme==
Kermit	It's The Muppet Show, with our very special guest star, Brooke Shields! Yaaaay!
 	The curtain opens, and the theme begins.
 	
 	
 	Gonzo gets the hiccups when he tries to play his trumpet.
Gonzo 	Uh, excuse me.
==Opening number==
 	Main stage. Kermit enters to applause.
Kermit 	Thank you, thank you, thank you, and welcome again to The Muppet Show. And we're going to have a very special show for you tonight. Our guest star is one of the brightest new talents in the film world, Miss Brooke Shields. (audience oohs) Yes. And with Brooke, we're going to tell you the story of Alice in Wonderland.
 	The White Rabbit hops behind him.
Kermit 	You all know Alice in Wonderland. It's all crammed with lovable characters and— and cute, fluffy little bunny rabbits.
 	The White Rabbit grabs him by the neck.
 	
White Rabbit 	Look — either you tell me where the rabbit hole is, or I tear your head off.
Kermit 	(stammers) Just back behind the curtains.
White Rabbit 	Thanks. (exits)
Kermit 	Uh, a-a-and also cruel, heartless, violent little bunny rabbits. Uh, anyhow, something for everyone in Alice in Wonderland.
 	The curtain opens on Alice (Brooke) in a forest, reading a book. The White Rabbit looks around for something.
 	
Brooke 	Hi, I'm Alice. Who are you?
White Rabbit 	Oh, no time for that. I'm looking for a hole.
Brooke 	Looking for a hole? A whole what?
White Rabbit 	I hate smart Alices. — Oh, look, there it is. Whee! (jumps)
Brooke 	(stands up) Wait! Wait, you got the line wrong! You were supposed to say "I'm late, I'm late, for a very—" (shrieks)
 	She falls down the rabbit hole. Thus begins the opening number: she passes Scooter, the Cheshire Cat, and a group of other Muppets as they sing.
 	
Muppets 	What a fantastical, feathery feeling!
Brooke 	I'm faaaaaaaaalling…
Muppets 	Slowly revolving and spinning and reeling!
Brooke 	I'm faaaaaaaaalling…
Scooter 	
Curious creatures with curious features appear and fade!
Constant surprises are greeting your eyes,
There's a jar of orange marmalade!
Jar 	Hi, there. Hehehehe! We're having a jam session. Wanna sit in?
Link Hogthrob 	
Hey there, Miss Alice, if you're near the palace,
Just drop in.
Brooke 	I'm quite good at dropping, I've been practicing a long time now.
Fish 	
If you're really racin' that rabbit you're chasin',
Get hoppin'!
Brooke 	I don't think a person can hop and drop at the same time.
Flamingo 	Talking flamingos, that cool Cheshire cat.
Dr. Teeth 	Yeah!
Flamingo, Bird	Up where you fell from, there's nothing like that!
Muppets 	You're in for adventure as soon as you finish your falling!
Brooke 	That's the part I'm worried about. I seem to have mastered falling, but how good am I at landing?
Dr. Teeth 	
There's a footman with a face like a fish's,
And a duchess with a cook who keeps breaking the dishes!
Humpty Dumpty 	Caterpillar on a mushroom who's smoking a hookah!
Muppets 	Hookah! Hookah! Look at the hookah!
Brooke 	That's very bad for your health, you know.
Scooter 	A teapot that has a mouse in it.
Muppets 	Things get madder and madder... by the minute!
Brooke 	"Curiouser and curiouser" is the expression, I believe.
Muppets 	Wait till the scene where the crazy old queen wants your head off!
Brooke 	Why worry about her? With any luck, I won't survive the fall.
Muppets 	Feels like you're bound to a merry-go-round you can't get off!
Scooter 	Don't be surprised if you meet Captain Hook.
Dr. Teeth 	'Cause our version won't always follow the book!
Muppets 	Get set for adventure as soon as you finish your falling!
 	Alice finally lands on the floor and curtsies. Applause. She notices the White Rabbit.
 	
White Rabbit 	Oh dear! Oh dear! I'm late!
Brooke 	(gasp) It's the White Rabbit!
White Rabbit 	Aah! (hops through a hole in the wall)
Brooke 	Wait! … But I can't get through there!
White Rabbit 	It's easy! Just have some dessert!
 	She notices a piece of cake on the stool and takes a bite. Chimes are heard.
Brooke 	He's right! It is easy! In fact, it's a piece of cake.
 	She shrinks, and goes for the door.
Waldorf 	Ah, a great little actress.
Statler 	Yep, and getting smaller all the time.
 	They chuckle.
==Backstage==
 	The White Rabbit and other Muppets pass by Kermit.
Kermit 	Okay. Okay, nice opening number.
Scooter 	Hey Kermit?
Kermit 	Hmm?
Scooter 	We've got some costume problems.
Kermit 	Such as?
 	
Fozzie 	Here I am, Kermit!
Kermit 	Fozzie, what is that?
Fozzie 	I'm the Tin Woodsman!
Kermit 	(frets) There's no Tin Woodsman in Alice in Wonderland!
Fozzie 	Alice in Wonderland? I thought we were doing Peter Pan!
Kermit 	(frets) It's Alice in Wonderland! Now go change, Fozzie!
Fozzie 	Yes sir! Anybody got a can opener? (runs off)
Scooter 	Hey, Kermit, I don't remember the Tin Woodsman in Peter Pan.
Kermit 	Oh, that doesn't matter. Uh, where's Miss Piggy? Is she in her Queen of Hearts costume?
Scooter 	Oh, that's another one of our problems. (exits)
Kermit 	What? Miss Piggy!
 	
 	She comes out of her dressing room, dressed as Alice.
Miss Piggy	Did I hear my froggy call?
Kermit 	… Piggy, that's the wrong costume! Why are you dressed like Alice?
Miss Piggy	I heard she fell.
Kermit 	She did, but now she's alright.
Miss Piggy	Pity. … I learned all her lines.
Kermit 	Well, you'd better learn the Queen of Hearts' lines, because that's who you are!
Miss Piggy	Queen of — yes. Queen of Hearts. That suits us. If anyone can portray royalty, it is we.
 	She goes in to change. Floyd limps by in his caterpillar costume.
Kermit 	Oh, Floyd! Floyd, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be on stage!
Floyd 	Hmph! Not in this jive caterpillar outfit! Yucch! I hate caterpillars.
Kermit 	Listen, Floyd, you can either take your place on stage or in the unemployment line!
 	
Floyd 	(blinks) I hear ya. (limps away, singing) Poor butterfly…
Kermit 	(shakes head) Why did we do Alice in Wonderland? We should have done something simple, like War and Peace.
==The Caterpillar==
 	Main stage. Scooter enters.
Scooter	Kermit has very graciously asked me to introduce the next scene in Alice in Wonderland, so he wouldn't have to come out here. (nods) So, here it is, the next scene from Alice in Wonderland.
Kermit 	Scooter?
Scooter	Hmm?
Kermit 	Tell 'em what it is.
Scooter	Well, what is it?
Kermit 	It's the caterpillar scene.
 	
Scooter	Oh. Uh, the caterpillar scene.
Kermit 	(scowls) Scooter, uh, thanks a lot for all your help. (shoves him away)
Scooter	You're welcome. You're welcome.
Kermit 	Ladies and gentlemen, it's the caterpillar scene! YAAAAYYY!
 	The curtain opens on a garden. Floyd the caterpillar sits on top of a mushroom smoking a hookah. Alice approaches.
Floyd 	Who are you?
Brooke 	Pardon?
Floyd 	Who are you, little lady?
Brooke 	Oh, please. No short jokes. Anyway, I'm just as tall as you are.
Floyd 	(nods) Hmm. What you forget is, you're talkin' to a caterpillar.
Brooke 	But the point is, I have to be taller by the next scene.
Floyd 	No. The point is, you should try growing mushrooms.
Brooke 	I don't have time to grow mushrooms.
Floyd 	No, no no no no no. Not growing mushrooms. What I'm talkin' 'bout is growin' mushrooms — the kind you eat and then you grow. (laughs)
 	
Brooke 	And you wouldn't know where I could find one of these growing mushrooms, I don't suppose?
Floyd 	Hmm. Help yourself. But mind you, take it off the bottom.
 	She takes off a chunk and ingests it.
Brooke 	Why off the bottom?
Floyd 	'Cause there ain't mush' room on top! (laughs)
 	Chimes are heard as she starts growing.
Floyd 	Mm-hmm, that's the trouble with kids today, they grow up so fast.
Waldorf	Heh, that girl's a big talent.
Statler	Yep, and getting bigger all the time.
 	They chuckle.
==Backstage==
Kermit 	Okay. Way to go, Floyd. Looks like you were having a ball out there.
Floyd 	I'll say. Of course, having a ball is only proper for a caterpillar.
Kermit 	Oh?
Floyd 	Yeah, you see, my mother was a moth, and I'm sure you've heard of …
Kermit 	(with Floyd) … moth balls.
Floyd 	(laughs, exits)
Kermit 	Okay, Mad Tea Party on stage next! Mad Tea Party!
Gonzo 	Kermit! Kermit, I refuse to go on with Brooke.
Kermit 	Why?
Gonzo 	I mean, I've played with the big stars before, but she is definitely out of my league.
Kermit 	Well, I know she's a big star, yeah.
Gonzo 	Do you know how big?
Kermit 	No, how big?
 	
Kermit 	(gasp) Brooke! What are you doing up there?
Brooke 	Sorry, Kermit. Guess I overate.
Gonzo 	Heh. Too many mushrooms. It'll do it every time. (nods)
Brooke 	What do I do now?
Kermit 	Uh, well, le-le-let's go to to your dressing room. We'll figure something out.
Brooke 	Okay.
Kermit 	Uh, Scooter! Would you get somebody to stall on stage? Come on, Brooke.
Scooter 	Uh, right, boss. Gee — hey, Gonzo, who do we have?
Gonzo 	Well, there's Humpty Dumpty.
Scooter 	Oh.
Humpty Dumpty	Yeah, uh, could you have all the king's horses and all the king's men standing by just in case?
Scooter 	Oh, don't worry, you'll be terrific.
Gonzo 	Grade A!
Humpty Dumpty	Come on, guys.
 	Link and a green Whatnot follow him to the stage.
 	
Scooter 	Say, was that a tie he was wearing, or a belt?
Link Hogthrob	I don't know. That's wardrobe. It's not my department.
=="These Are the Yolks, Folks"==
 	Humpty Dumpty sits on a wall, singing. The White Rabbit hops behind him.
Humpty Dumpty	
At the risk of laying a bomb with you,
Or at least a little bomblet,
I'd like to announce …
I'm preparing to play…
The lead in Shakespeare's Omelet! (laughs)
These are the yolks, folks!
 	The White Rabbit, the Cheshire Cat and other Wonderlanders join him.
 	200px
Muppets 	
These are the yolks!
Yuk-yuk! Tough luck!
Cluck cluck! We're stuck!
These are the yolks!
Humpty Dumpty	
Some people say that the way I tell jokes
Is very close to human.
So tomorrow I go …
To a studio …
To record my first record albumen! (laughs)
These are the yolks, folks!
Muppets 	
These are the yolks!
Yuk-yuk! Tough luck!
Cluck cluck! We're stuck!
These are the yolks!
Humpty Dumpty	Whoooaaa…
 	
 	Humpty has a great fall, and is trampled by all the king's horses and all the king's men.
Waldorf 	What did you think of Humpty Dumpty?
Statler 	Terrible. I hate off-the-wall comedy.
 	They chuckle.
==Dressing room==
 	The enlarged Brooke finds it hard to move around in her dressing room.
Brooke 	Help, help! Get me out of here! I'm still growing!
Kermit 	(gasp) Brooke! Uh, listen, uh, don't worry, you're gonna be okay! Uh, th-this is Dr. Bunsen Honeydew.
 	
Brooke 	(sigh) Thank goodness you're here, doctor. Are you a shrink?
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew	(snickers) No, no, no. I'm the one who produced the effect.
Brooke 	Oh. You'd better do something. I can't go through life this tall.
 	She accidentally knocks over her vanity table.
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew	I hear there's money in basketball. (snickers)
Kermit 	Bunsen!
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew	Sorry. Don't worry, my dear. You should start becoming smaller any minute.
 	Chimes are heard.
Brooke 	Oh. Yes, you're right. Oh, thank goodness.
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew	You're welcome. In no time at all, you'll be your normal size again.
Brooke 	Yes! Yes, I am my normal size!
Kermit 	Oh, good.
 	She continues to shrink.
Brooke 	That is, I was my normal size.
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew	Uh-oh.
Kermit 	Bunsen, you gotta do something!
 	
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew	I will!
Kermit 	What?
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew	I'll tie up the cat! (rushes off)
 	Brooke is now as small as a muffin.
Brooke 	I knew I should have done The Muffin Show instead.
==UK spot==
 	Fozzie, dressed as the Tin Man, looks sad.
Fozzie 	(sigh) Everything's going wrong. Kermit won't let me play the Tin Woodsman. Bunsen shrank the guest star. Old Humpty Dumpty's had an accident. Now Dr. Bob is trying to fix him up.
 	Dr. Teeth shows up, grinning like a Cheshire Cat and still dressed as one.
Dr. Teeth 	Yeah, but that's good.
Fozzie 	With sausage and chips?
Dr. Teeth 	(laughs) Listen, bear, you worry too much. Look at me! I'm always smilin'.
Fozzie 	Yeah, but you're the Cheshire Cat. You're supposed to smile.
 	Dr. Teeth plays the organ and sings.
 	
Dr. Teeth 	
When you're smilin' — yes, when you're smilin',
Then the whole world smiles with you.
And when you're laughin', ohhh, when you're laughin',
Then the sun comes shinin' through.
 	The other Wonderlanders join from upstairs.
White Rabbit 	Come on, Fozzie! Smile.
Fozzie 	Aw, please, I'd rather be miserable.
White Rabbit 	There are smiles that make you happy…
Duchess 	There are smiles that make you blue…
White Rabbit 	Aw yeah.
Wonderlanders	
There are smiles that steal away the tear drops,
As the sum beams steal away the dew.
 	They laugh.
Fozzie 	What's smiling — what's smiling got to do with the weather?
Dr. Teeth 	Oh, a lot.
Gray skies are bound clear up.
Floyd 	Put on a happy face.
Dr. Teeth 	Oh yeah!
Brush off the clouds and cheer up!
Floyd 	Put on a happy face.
Dr. Teeth 	Take off the gloomy mask of tragedy.
Floyd 	It's not your style.
Floyd & Teeth	You'll look so good that you'll be glad you decided to smile!
Gonzo 	
I'd walk a million miles, for one of your smiles,
My Fo-o-zzie!
Fozzie 	All right, all right. I give up.
Happy days are here again.
The skies above are clear again.
 	
Muppets 	
Let's sing a song of cheer again!
Happy days are here again!
Gonzo 	¡Olé!
 	The medley concludes. They all whoop and holler before leaving Fozzie alone.
Fozzie 	(over the applause) Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. You've made me so happy. Thank you, all of you. Yes. (the applause dies down) I'm so depressed! (sigh)
==Jabberwocky==
 	Main stage. Kermit enters.
Kermit 	And now, ladies and gentlemen, one of Lewis Carroll's most beloved poems.
Scooter 	Make this a good intro, chief. This scene needs all the help it can get!
Kermit 	Uh, at least you're in the scene, so you know what it is.
Scooter 	Have you seen the scene? Even when you know what it is, you don't know what it is.
Kermit 	Um — uh, uh ladies and gentlemen, Jabberwocky.
 	The curtain opens on a dark forest with some bizarre creatures.
 	
Creatures 	
`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
 	Rowlf approaches Scooter.
Rowlf 	
Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!
 	Scooter nods and walks off holding a sword.
Scooter 	
He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought --
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.
(stands in thought) Hmm.
And, as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as he came.
 	
Jabberwock 	Burble burble. Burble burble.
Scooter 	Aha!
One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
 	He beheads the Jabberwock.
Scooter 	
He left it dead, and with its head,
He went galumphing back.
(with Jabberwock) Galumph, galumph, galumph, galumph …
Rowlf 	Ah! And has thou slain the Jabberwock?
 	Scooter nods. Rowlf hugs him.
Rowlf 	
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!
Scooter 	He chortled in his joy.
 	The strange creatures from the beginning reappear.
Jabberwock's head	
`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
Scooter 	I tell ya, this is the weirdest thing we've ever done on this show.
Green pig 	It was an outgrabe.
Scooter 	(sigh)
Jabberwock's head	Can I just put on my body and go home?
Rowlf 	Well, you should quit while you're a head!
 	They all laugh. Scooter groans.
==Backstage==
 	
 	Kermit sits on a table, looking down at the floor.
Kermit 	Um — Brooke? Brooke? Listen, Brooke, y-you're so tiny now, I'm scared I'm going to step on you. Give me some idea where you are.
Brooke 	I'm okay, Kermit! I'm right down here by the —
 	The Jabberwocky creatures pass by. Piggy peeks out of her dressing room, dressed as the Queen of Hearts.
Kermit 	Watch out! Watch where you're stepping!
Miss Piggy	Kermit?
Kermit 	Not now, Piggy! (to the creatures) Look out for the guest star!
 	She makes her way downstairs.
Miss Piggy	Kermit, I would have been here earlier, but I was busy … learning my line!
Kermit 	Uh, wait a second, Piggy, don't walk over here.
Miss Piggy	One lousy line in the trial scene. Do you want to hear my role?
Kermit 	No.
Miss Piggy	"Off with his head." (she advances towards him) Kermit, I tell you, I don—
Kermit 	PIGGY, DON'T MOVE!!! Uh — I'm sorry, but Brooke has shrunk so small that we can't find her. So watch your step.
Miss Piggy	What?
Kermit 	Yeah, but don't worry, 'cause I'm gonna cancel the whole trial scene anyway.
 	He walks away. A beat. She feigns sickness.
Miss Piggy	(jumps) Achoo. (jumps) Achoo. (looks down) Haha! Sorry! (trots away)
Brooke 	Missed me!
 	
==The Trial==
Scooter 	And now, ladies and gentlemen, the trial scene!
 	The curtain opens on the trial scene.
White Rabbit	Silence in court!
Kermit 	Uh, wa-wait a second!
White Rabbit	SHHHH!
Kermit 	Yeah, but how can we hold the trial without Alice?
White Rabbit	Will you please be quiet?
Kermit 	Yeah, but what's the point?
White Rabbit	Hush!
Kermit 	Who are you?
White Rabbit	I'm the 'usher! (giggles)
Kermit 	Will you get outta here?
White Rabbit	SHHHH! Please rise, for his honor, Judge Marvin Suggs!
 	A fanfare plays as Marvin arrives, hollering and bowing.
Marvin Suggs	S'ank you. S'ank you. Gracias. Danke shoen and sank you! ¡Silencio!
 	He whacks the White Rabbit with his gavel.
Marvin Suggs	This case, it-a rests.
Kermit 	Uh, your honor, we are missing our star witness.
Marvin Suggs	(gets in Kermit's face) Who cares? We begin wis-OUT her!
 	
Kermit 	Uh, your honor, I move that we hold the trial.
Marvin Suggs	Good! You move, and we hold the trial!
 	The jury mumbles as the White Rabbit gets up.
Kermit 	Uh, but your honor —
Marvin Suggs	¡Silencio! (whacks the White Rabbit again) Excuse me, green-ah person. Have you been-ah sworn in?
Kermit 	Uh, at, yes. In, no.
Marvin Suggs	Okey-dokey! Put-ah your 'and on za book, and-ah repeat-ah after me. (whispers) "Ow."
 	Kermit looks confused. Marvin whacks his flipper.
Kermit 	OW!
Marvin Suggs	Very nice!
White Rabbit	(gets up) Uh, your honor …
Marvin Suggs	Where? Where? Where? Oh yes! Whew! Thank you!
White Rabbit	Uh, before the jury retires…
Marvin Suggs	Before ze jury retire, a little lullaby! "Lady of Spain"!
 	He begins playing one side of the jury like a Muppaphone.
Marvin Suggs	(over applause) S'ank you! S'ank you! S'ank you! ¡Gracias! S'ank you! And now — ze queen will read-ah ze sentence!
Miss Piggy 	(glances the script) Um … "off with her head."
 	She pouts as the court cheers.
Waldorf 	I think it should be declared a mistrial.
Statler 	What do you mean "mis"? He hit every one of 'em.
 	They chuckle.
==Backstage==
 	Kermit shoos everyone backstage.
Kermit 	Okay, everybody off-stage! That's it! We can't do anymore! The show is over!
Scooter	Chief, I just found Brooke. She's her normal size again.
 	Kermit shoos everyone onstage.
Kermit 	Eep! Uh, everybody onstage! That's it! The Mad Tea Party next! The show's not over!
 	
Scooter	Well, you can't say he isn't flexible.
==The Mad Tea Party==
 	Main stage. Kermit enters to fanfare.
Kermit 	Okay, well, here it is, folks, and it's going to be fantastic — the Mad Tea Party, starring Brooke Shields. Oh, please let it be fantastic. YAAAAYYY!
 	The curtain opens on the tea party, where Gonzo, the Dormouse (a chicken), and the March Hare dance and sing.
Wonderlanders 	
Twinkle, twinkle, little bat,
How I wonder what you're at!
Up above the world so high,
Like a tea tray in the sky!
 	The tempo increases.
Wonderlanders 	
Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle,
Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twink!
Gonzo 	I won!
March Hare 	No you didn't!
 	Brooke enters to applause.
Wonderlanders 	No room! No room! No room!
Brooke 	Of course there is. There's plenty of room.
March Hare 	Have some wine?
Brooke 	I don't see any wine.
March Hare 	There isn't any!
 	They laugh.
Brooke 	Well then, it's not very nice of you to offer it.
March Hare 	And it's not very nice of you to sit down without being invited!
 	They laugh.
Brooke 	Who are you?
Chicken 	I'm the Dormouse. Brawk.
Gonzo 	That's "Brooke"!
 	They laugh.
 	
Brooke 	That's funny. You don't look like a mouse.
March Hare 	He doesn't look like a door either!
 	They laugh.
Gonzo 	Tell us a story, tell us a story.
March Hare 	Oh yes.
Chicken 	Uh, once upon a time there were three sisters, who lived in a well! (laughs)
March Hare 	Well, well, well!
Gonzo 	I want a clean cup! Everybody move one place!
Wonderlanders 	Move one place! Move one place!
Brooke 	Hey, this isn't fair. The only one that gets a clean cup is him.
Gonzo 	I know! Life is so unfair!
 	They cry.
Brooke 	Oh, there there. Life isn't so bad.
Gonzo 	I wasn't crying about that. I was crying because my watch has stopped!
March Hare 	I told you not to put butter in it!
Gonzo 	But it was the best butter!
 	They laugh. A fanfare plays as Statler and Waldorf enter the scene.
Brooke 	Who are you?
Statler & Waldorf	We're Tweedledee and Tweedledum!
Statler 	Everything looks...
Waldorf 	So delicious!
 	They laugh.
Wonderlanders 	No room! No room!
Brooke 	Have some wine?
Statler 	I don't …
Waldorf 	… see any wine.
Brooke 	There isn't any!
 	They laugh.
Wonderlanders 	No room! No room!
Kermit 	Ho, ho, stop this — this whole tea party is getting totally out of control.
Brooke 	Well, why don't we sing a song?
Muppets 	But what can we sing?
 	
 	Cue the music. Fozzie enters, and they all sing a chorus of "We're Off to See the Wizard". Applause.
==Goodnights==
Kermit 	And so we come to the end of Alice in Wonderland! And if we don't all live happily ever after, at least we'll survive for another week. Anyway, before we go, let's say thank you to a wonderful guest and delightful guest star, ladies and gentlemen, Brooke Shields! YAAAAAYYY!
 	Brooke enters to applause.
Brooke 	Thank you, Kermit. I've always wanted to do Alice in Wonderland.
Kermit 	Yeah, well, someday I hope you get the chance.
Brooke 	(giggles) Me too.
Kermit 	Anyway, congratulations on being The Muppet Show's youngest ever guest star.
Brooke 	Well, actually, I've aged a lot in the last half hour.
Kermit 	Me too. Well, that's about all the time we have —
 	
Fozzie 	Hold it! Hold it! Wait! We never did the Tin Woodsman scene!
Kermit 	Fozzie! We'll see you next time on The Muppet Show!
 	The Muppets gather around as the credits roll.
 	In the balcony, Statler and Waldorf are still dressed as Tweedledum and Tweedledee.
Statler	What's that noise?
Waldorf	I think that's Lewis Carroll turning over in his grave!
 	They chuckle.
__NOWYSIWYG__
Category:Muppet Show Transcripts