School Absence/Tardiness Letters: Behind the Scenes

Admit it. You've done it before. Everyone has or will. They all say that fibs break relationships and whatnot, but is there really any harm in a little white lie to save yourself from embarrassment and the disgusted and unamused looks of your school secretary? I think not! Let's be realists for a second. What if we all REALLY told the truth when we have to walk into school 6 minutes late? Yikes. See, this is why they say that lies are the glue that hold society together. (sorry for quoting you so often, "They". I am really moved by your work.) Attending to the point, it's not too terribly infrequent that we have to make up little spur-of-the-moment excuses to save our butts from the judgmental public we have come to. 
So, you're walking into school late. All the pressure is on you. "Good luck, kid. You're gonna need it" (or something along those lines) says the ungrateful parent who pins it all on you. Don't you just wish right then you're little creative genius fairy would bestow upon you a GREAT, PRACTICAL, REASONABLE excuse? Well, folks, here I am. Here is your gallery of excuses straight from the mind of none other than the great Evelyn. 
==The good stuff==
Dear Secretary,
Please excuse Evelyn's tardiness. Her pet unicorn ran away, and we had to find her. Rarity (our unicorn. If she sounds any familiarities are purely coincidental.) As you may or may not know, it's unicorn mating season, and she headed off to find a handsome unicorn. Then the other unicorn and rarity put there horn together and pranced along the road. We had to get her, but when we reached her she KICKED US, AND BUTTED US AND SMACKED US ACROSS THE ROAD! that might explain the untidy appearance. Soon, the police got involved, and we got Rarity back. Please, this is 1000000% absolutely true! If you didn't see it on the news, then you, my friend are blind! 
P.S. I can guarantee and am absolutely positive I am not on drugs! Hahaha! Silly assumptions! Woa.. I gotta lay down..
                          Dizzily yours, Mrs. Jimbob.
Dear Secretary,
IT'S ALL HER FAULT! I seriously live next to a witch! First, she threw a copy of the new phone book in our lawn, and then I had to pick it up! GRR! Then, the car was slow starting because it was all icy. she came over, and offered to help us! I had to lecture her on the importance of working independently, which I'm sure you'd understand! THEN she gave our dog a treat, and the dog went all cuckoo happy on us!! WHICH IS REALLY BAD. SO yea. Here's for the neighbor. 
 Sincerely, Mrs. Jimbob
Dear Secretary,
Please excuse Evelyn's absence. Her seatbelt refused to let off, a sign from God that terror is immenent. GOOD LUCK, Y'ALL!
Sincerely, Mrs. Jimbob.
Dear Secretary,
Please excuse Evelyn's absence. I don't have an excuse, but here's the number of the man's mailbox I hit.
Love, Mrs. Jimbob
Dear Mrs. counter lady,
Please excuse Evelyn's tardiness. I have a short term memory and I-- Darn, I forgot why we're late! I think it had something to do with the lawn mower... No no that was LAST week...  Ummm.... I think I forgot what time we had to be here bye! Either that or i forgot what school she goes to again. And... Wait, what was I doing? Oh yes excuse note. Anyway, please excuse... DAMMIT! I forgot my daughter's name again! 
By, Mrs.... Ummm...  What's my surname again?
Dear secretaryship,
Please successive Evelyn's senescence. My Ctesiphon is retarder and I restricted but faille to eradicable toccata correct. i Swanson;t feeling Caldwell earlier so I Wasatch a cclitle slaw. I'm electrolytic sorry.
Form, Mrs. Limbo
Well, I may add to this in the future, but if you're looking for some REAL idiots, take a trip to everyone's favorite Funny School Excuse Notes! Or, if you're aiming for some state-of-the-art homework excuses, try Homework excuses! Thanks for reading! 
Category:Awesome
Category:Excuses