The Springfield Files/Quotes

:Bart: (telling a scary story) ...and that's how much money college will cost for Maggie.
:Homer: No... no... NOOOOOOOOOOO!
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:Homer: This Friday, we're going back to the woods. And we're going to find that alien.
:Bart: And if we don't?
:Homer: We'll fake it and sell it to the FOX network.
:Bart and Homer laugh.
:Bart: They'll buy anything!
:Homer: Now, son, they do a lot of quality programming too.
:Bart and Homer laugh even harder than before.
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:Lisa: All right! It's time for ABC's T.G.I.F. line-up!
:Bart: Lis, when you get a little older, you'll learn that Friday's just another day between NBC's Must-See Thursday and CBS's Saturday Night Crap-O-Rama.
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:Mr. Burns: La la, la la la la (skips off into the woods)
:Dr. Nick: The most rewarding part was when he gave me my money.
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:Mr. Burns: Yes, and now that I'm back to normal I don't bring you peace and love I bring you hate and...
:Dr. Nick: Time for a booster! (Jabs needle in Burns)
:Mr. Burns: (in happy state) Good morning starshine, the earth says hello...
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:Homer: (in Moe's, drunk, whilst recreating his movements when he saw the Alien) So I says, blue M&M, red M&M... They all wind up the same color in the end.
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:Homer: Oh, Marge, I've never felt so alone. No one believes me. (pause) Uh, this is the part where you're supposed to say, "I believe you, Homer."
:Marge: I don't believe you, Homer.
:Homer: You do? Oh, Marge, you've made me so happy.
:Marge: You're not listening. You're only hearing what you want to hear.
:Homer: Thanks! I'd love an omelet right about now.
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:Homer: The alien has a sweet, heavenly voice, like Urkel. And he appears every Friday night, like Urkel!
:Chief Wiggum: Well, your story is very compelling, Mr. Jackass... I mean, Simpson. So, I'll just type it up on my invisible typewriter. (He makes typewriting notions and mumbles nonchalantly.)
:Homer: You don't have to humiliate me.
:(Homer leaves, and an arsonist enters.)
:Arsonist: I just torched a building downtown, and I'm afraid I'll do it again!
:Chief Wiggum: Yeah, right. I'll just type it up on my invisible typewriter. (Again, he makes typewriting notions and mumbles nonchalantly, just like he did with Homer.)
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:Marge: Have you been drinking?
:Homer: No! Well, ten beers.
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:Leonard Nimoy: I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer is no.
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:Squeaky-Voiced Teen: I'm Leonard Nimoy, goodnight, and keep watching the skis! ... I mean, skies.
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:Mulder: What's the point of this experiment? (Homer is running on a treadmill, in only his underpants.)
:Scully: No point, I just thought he could stand to lose some weight.
:Mulder: His jiggling is almost hypnotic!
:Scully: (mesmerized voice) Yes, it's like a lava lamp.
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:Mulder: Look at this Scully. There's been another unsubstantiated UFO sighting in the heartland of America. We've got to get there right away.
:Scully: Well, gee Mulder. There's also this report of a shipment of drugs and illegal weapons coming into New Jersey tonight.
:Mulder: I hardly think the FBI is concerned with matters like that.
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:Dr. Nick: Don't worry. You won't feel a thing...
:(exhibiting a swirling mechanical device)
:Dr. Nick: ...till I jam this down your throat!
:Homer: I don't see any Homer is a Dope t-shirts anywhere, Lisa.
:Store guy: Those were sold out five minutes ago.
:Homer: D'oh!
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:Scully: This is a simple lie detector. I'll ask you a few yes-or-no questions, and you just answer truthfully. Do you understand?
:Homer: Yes. [lie detector explodes]
es:The Springfield Files/Frases