Kratos

:Perhaps you were looking for this cursed version of Kratos???
Kratos is a guy who tried to kill God, and, to a lesser extent, his gyro street-stand cousins in Greece. Of course, he cool with smoking a blunt with God now (but he still killed his cousins). He has been relentlessly bullied by little kids on the Internets who hate cool people. They got off the easiest, as Kratos knew they were just kids and killing them is illegal, you know? This would also consequently get him shot DEAD by time travellers. His tale of wine, beef, coke (the drink) and Beats by Dr. Dre was so legendary he even got a game called "God of War" about godding of wars that a lot of people buy for some reason..
==Story==
Kratos was a bad-ass who killed God's cousins in Greece because they stole his brother and transformed him into Greek food. Because of this he now seeks "VENGEANCE!!!" in a voice that he tries to make badass but just ends up overcompensating.
His conquest started when he was 25 during the events of the first shame and killed anyone who got in his way with his Blades of Chaos. After this, he would go down in legend for being the one who killed God's cousins. He killed pretty much every god was responsible for turning his brother into food, so many that workers who drank the Kool-Aid are payed[sic] to make extremely bad guesses on when something happened. Since nobody was there when he killed all the gods, every textbook recounting his adventures are absolute lies.
===That One Time Kratos Killed God's Cousins in Finland ===
After going down in legend for killing all of God's Greek cousins, Kratos settled down in Finland after realizing he didn't have any other gods to kill. He has a new toy called the "Leviathan Axe" which can't ASPLODE civilians like his Blades of Chaos, which makes it better because it's a much-needed break in the edginess of his conquests. Moreover, he has a son named Atreus who he calls "boy" even though he actually has a name. This makes Atreus sad.
Kratos is still energetic even though he is over 1,000 years old; you know why, boy? Because he drinks CREATINE! With his creatine supplements he can still kill thousands of people (NOT kids, because that's bad). It was eventually in his boredom & killing people that Thor came up to him one day and stole his entire creatine stash and then flew away. Kratos then realized in that moment that he was a god. This was not a good Thor move. In his rage, he completely bankrupted the nearby grocery store by buying all the creatine supplements they had in stock, then, proceeded to pillar up to the Nordic heavens (as taught to him by Steve after they had a smoke break together). Kratos and Atreus then proceeded to kill Thor, Loki, and a few others up there; it was even in death in which Thor said “the fuck you say?”. This massacre was then known as Ragnarok to all the Finns living in Finland as Finn citizens of Finland; there is no relation to the earlier destruction of the flat Marvel planet or the Martian Catnarok. 
What Kratos didn't know in killing all these Nordic gods was that these were also some of God's cousins. This pissed off God, so much so that God teleported Kratos to the United States and proceeded to lock him up in an American prison. Kratos simply broke the bars, only for God to tell him it was April Fools' Day. God then proceeded to invite Kratos to cut some trees down, cause a few epidemics, and also lift a few sets at the nearby gym. It was at this gym that Kratos learned about football, which led to the creation of Kratos Messi. We will not speak on this incident further.
==Trivia ==
*We haven't mentioned some of the gods he killed due to them controlling stuff like cheese.
*Kratos and fellow former-gary-stu-god-dude Tierboskat have known each other since at least the Ice Age and occasionally spar.
*Kratos is on the top 100 Guys by kill count.
*Apparently he can lift 9 dimensions? I dunno, dude, this lore's bullshit.
*Luigi exploded when he saw Kratos.
* He is not to be confused with the personification of weakness, Kratonks.
==His Themes?==
File:Bear McCreary - God of War (Audio)|It may sound incredible, but Kratos's video game has a soundtrack.
File:Aegean Storm -Ω- God Of War Soundtrack ♫|It even has more than one song!
Yeah, these probably aren't his themes.
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