2013 Universal Pictures Logo Bloopers Season 1 Complete Full Length Version by Geraint Lewis Enterprises Inc.

Maytag. Not Maytag, Universal. The Maytag is the commercial plug should be a commercial plug. Change the logo now! Coca-Cola. Do they mean the Super Bowl XLV champion, Coca-Cola? Don't remind me, Mary. I wanted Pittsburgh to win. Not Coca-Cola, Universal. Change it! Well, what are you waiting for? Okay, okay. Don't rush me. Volkswagen? Volkswagen? That logo should watch its the car. You idiot! You changed the wrong logo! Now get it right immediately! Now it's Audi. I never drove an Audi car. Hey Mr. Shield, can you make the next logo drive an Audi car? As good as done, Mary. Of course, we all know Sam's Audi is P-U. Buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe! That's enough! Shield, you're not going to display Audi or BMW or even Mercedes-Benz. You are under contract to display Universal and only Universal. I'm giving you one last chance. That does it! Shield, you're fired! Fired!? Fired!? I have only this to say to you: Buick! I'm going to visit Tom and Jerry at M-G-M. If he's fired, I quit. Buick, Sam. Dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy! No, no, no! The Universal logo is supposed to stop when the music starts, not fly away. Let's try it again. Uh-oh! Runaway earth! He didn't want to be detected by crooks. He's a goddanged show-off. Now let's try the logo again. All right shield, what are you trying to do to us? I just wanted to spice things up. You should know when to stop. Now let's try the logo again. Stop the music! This is the music for other version! Now let's try it one more time. Jeez Louise! Who flipped the frame? Sorry. I hit a bump in the road. Well, that explains it. Let's break for lunch. B-backwards N-D? What the heck kind of weird-butt name is that? Looks like a Buddha. If this Buddha can bend it, who needs Beckham? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Lorimar. Where have I heard that name before? I used to date her, but she dumped me for a foreign logo. Cisco! Cisco. They bring good things to life. What is this, a commercial? You can be sure... ...if it's Westinghouse. Get out of here, Westinghouse! This is not a commercial production. What are you talking about? This is a free country, isn't it? Out out out out out! O-U-T! Out! Sam, Sam, Sam. Why must you be so rude to our guests? Shut up, you buttwipe! Rexona. I used to own a Rexona set. I was expecting Rexona deodorant myself. Get out! No more commercial plugs in an ident! Period! Qantas. How do you Qantas? I Qantas very well. Now this is getting racy. I agree. What else could come up? The Viacom V of Doom? Oh noes! I shouldn't have said that! [POW!] [BLAM!] Jeez Louise! Did you see that? I don't believe it. The V of Doom just ran Microsoft Sam over like a steamroller. Sam? Sam? Are you all right? Speak to me, Sam. Did you get the license of that truck? Let's get Sam to a hospital. Mountain Dew? Mountain Dew? That's not right. That's wrong! It should be Universal, not Mountain Dew. Mountain Dew makes me think of a drink. Speak for yourself, Mike. I just used the restroom a couple of minutes ago. I can tell. I can smell it from a mile away. P-U. Now that's silly. Who ever heard of a W-W-W Universal logo? World War? Wild Whiskey? Weird Willie? Wolf Whistle. Do that to me, Sam, and I'll slap you! Dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy! Now what in the heck is a B-B-B Universal logo? I've heard of a B-B-B gun, but not a B-B-B Universal logo. BBBBBBBBBBB! I hope they get it right this time. Pantene Pro V? Pantene Pro V? I don't want tuberculosis. Computer voices never catch tuberculosis. We don't even have lungs. Tuberculosis? Eewwwwww! They'd better get it right this time, or else! Oh no! Not BP! Anything but BP! I don't care if they they cleaned up their image after that oil spill! I'm never getting gasoline from BP as long as I live! You hear me? Never! Now hear this! If you say BP one more time, I'm going to zoom in and beat you up! Screw you, BP! We all hate you, and we wish you were never invented! All right, you asked for it! No no no no no no! I'd take it back! [BLAM!!] Sam? Sam? Are you all right? Speak to me, Sam! He's out cold, Mary. We'll have to get him to the hospital. And look at the set. It's falling apart. We'll have to put up an OUT OF ORDER sign before we get Sam to the doctor. Great idea, Mike. Now let's go. What the heck is this? There are no captions with the earth! I agree with you, Sam. Earth, go back and get some captions. Canon? I thought Nikon owned Canon, not Comcast. Canon, Nikon, Kodak. I get a camera from Canon. Wrong logo. Change it. This is not John Deere, this is Universal. Change it. [NBC Chimes] The following program is brought to you in Living Color on NBC. Oh, how cute. I love peacocks. I don't. I'm allergic to them. Ahhh... ahhh... Ahh-CHOOOO! Gesundheit. Ah, a new house. I've always wanted to live in a NET house. Keep it up, Sam, and you'll be living in a NUT house! As for you, NET House, go back and get me the Universal Logo! NOW! Mike, why must you be such a buttwipe? Sam, you sonofagun, I am not an f--ing buttwipe! You're a potty mouth, as well as a liar! Liar! Liar! Liar! Liar! Liar! Universal on Renault? That'd be new. Anything would be better than that crum they drive to the car. Go! Go go go go go go go! Take it easy, Mike. It's not my fault we keep getting all the wrong logos. It could be worse, like the Screen Gems S from Heck. No no no no no no no no no no no no noooooooooooooooooooo! Not that! Not the S from Heck! Let me outta here! Eeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-eaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... What's the matter with Sam? He's been terrified of scary logos. First the Viacom V of Doom, next the BP Shield, now the Screen Gems S from Heck. I think he needs professional help. I agree, Mary. Let's find him, then we'll seek out a psychiatrist. Hahahahahahahahahahah lol lol lol lol rofl rofl rofl rofl soi soi soi soi! What's so goddanged funny, Sam? The caption Universal is said came in without the earth. Hahhahahaahahahahahah! It just looks so exquisite that way. Universal 46? The 1946 Universal logo in a 2013 Universal Logo? They must be really ahead of their time. Universal 46, this is a 2013 Universal Logo and you don't come in until 1946. Universal 63? Didn't they make shoes? I take a size 9. 2013, not 1963! Now it's the 1990 Universal Logo. Our movies can be Comcast if Sam wasn't such a grouch. That doesn't come in until 1990. Go back and bring up the proper logo. Lionsgate? That didn't even exist in 2013. And this is supposed to be Comcast. Get out of here now! Sam, Sam, Sam, why are you such a grouch? Who asked you, buttwipe? Stop calling me a buttwipe, you sonofagun! Ford has taken over Comcast. I guess car will star in an ID soon. No more cars, my friend, and I'm giving you one more chance. The Netflix in a Universal ID! Now the Netflix can let people watch Turbo FAST. Sorry, but Netflix a couple of years ago. Video substituted cyanide for Netflix's video and beat the snot out of the one-eyed video. And they hanged video for the *** of Netflix. There was not a dry eye in Sweethaven that day. Enough, all of you! And as for the idiot messing up the logos, you're fired! Now you've done it, Sam! Where are we going to find someone to man the shield? There are plenty of other fish in this ocean. They come a dime a dozen. While we're looking for a replacement, let's all go out for lunch. All right! What's going on here? Hey---you with the captions! Who, me? Yes, you. You got the caption wrong. It's either Universal, not Comversal. Go back and change it. Okay, boss. Unicast? They should have stuck with Comversal. I agree. Sounds like tunes for me--- Comversal. Hee hee hee hee hee! That's R-O-N-G wrong. Start over. What's this? "Lasrevinu?" What the heck are you trying to do to me? I was trying to do the whole thing with mirrors. What you have is a mirror image. Go back and do it right. Well, tscha! Nobody appreciates creativity any more. Hey Sam, they finally gave you top billing. I knew they'd give Sam his due sooner or later. Only something's not right. What do you mean? I gave you your proper billing, didn't I? Not the title card you're showing now, the one before it. What's wrong with it? The word on the Earth is wrong. It should say "Universal," not "Comcast resents." It's not a mistake. Comcast really does resent you! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Why you--- [BOOM!] Take it easy, Sam. He was just teasing you. Shut up, you buttwipe! Hahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! 2 logos of Universal in an ident! How silly! Haagen-Dazs! That's what I say! We need to talk. Yeah? Whatta you want to talk about, Sam? Not here. Meet me in my office in five minutes. Don't be too rough on him, Sam. He's only learning the ropes. I'm in charge and I'll do what I want. Besides, jobs like his come a dime a dozen. Cut! All right, what's going on here? Hey, you with the captions! Who, me? Yes, you. It's not supposed to be Live Home Video; it's supposed to be Universal. Change it! No, it is not an improvement, but next time, it's not Orion Home Video, it's Universal and get it right, capeesh? As Steve Martin used to say, well excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me! Hey Mike, look at the caption! Fox Video. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That's not funny, you buttwipe! One logo is supposed to have Fox Video and the other Universal. Change it, or else! Tscha! I can't stand being "or elsed." What are you anyway, a comedian or something? Get it right! Now! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! "CBS/FOX Video!" That's rich! Ha ha ha ha ha! Yeah Mary, that's so funny! Ha ha ha ha ha! That does it! Caption guy, yoooooooooooou're fired! Fired? Fired? Screw you, Microsoft Sam! I'll see you in court! Take over, Mike. See if you can get it right, unlike that dime-a-dozen bum. Sorry, forgot to put the captions "Universal" above the Comcast byline. I'll try again. Dang! Now I forgot the byline! I miss that dime-a-dozen bum already. Don't worry, Mike. All you need is a little more practice. Let's take a break. There, there, Sam. You're probably having one of those days. After the break, I'll see if we can get the old caption guy back before he sues us for wronngful termination. Dummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-my! Cut! Where's the Versal? I see a Uni, but no Versal. All right, you buttwipe! Where's the Uni? He had to take a leak. I don't give a flying caption! Go back and get me the Uni! All right, all right! Sheesh! And shush the sheesh! Tarzan and the Lost City? What is this, a movie? Tarzan and the Lost City without a jungle? Eeewwww! Eeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww! [Mary barfing] Not Tarzan and the Lost City, you fool! Universal! Change it! NOW!! Spider-Man. We must be in the movie. Movie must be hiding out someplace. Not Spider-Man! Universal! Universal Universal Universal Universal Universal! All right! Can I help it if you act childish? Saban? I feel like I'm on the Earth. I'm all for going to the steam room when this program is over. So am I, but Sam better keep his towels dry. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Shut up, you dummy! And as for the earth guy, one more slip-up, and I'll have you transferred to the Pink Panther Show! Sam, Sam, Sam. What makes you act like such a grouch? That's none of your business, you buttwipe! I am not a buttwipe, you sonofagun! I'm not a sonofagun, you buttwipe! [BUZZER] And stop razzing me! That's what I say! Earth guy, you're fired! Fired!? Fired!? I'll sue you for every cent you've got, Microsoft Sam! It will only be frivolous because I fired that dime-a-dozen bum with cause! There, there, Sam. Let me try the shield zoom. Can't be any worse than that dime-a-dozen bum. I'm not a dime-a-dozen bum! Liar! Uh-oh! I had the picture upside down. I'll try to fix it. Later, Mary. Let's take a break. You need a vacation, Sam. Your nerves have been bothering you lately. Buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe! I agree with you, Mike. He's having a bad day. Oy vey! Cut, cut, cut! The Universal logo is supposed to be 2013, not 1997. Sorry, Boss. I just got a little excited. You again!? I thought I fired you last episode. You did, but I filed a lawsuit against you and won, so here I am again. I see your point. Now, you better toe the line, or else! Remind me to fire my lawyers. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Walt Disney Home Video in Universal! I agree that it's funny, Mike. I guess we better pack our bags and move to Japan. We're not moving to Japan. Walt Disney Home Video does not own Comcast. Get me the proper logo! Now! Activision is into Universal now? I can just see Call of Duty meeting Ian Malcolm. What the heck is the Activision logo doing in my Universal ID? Get out! Now! Now it's Atari that's trying to take over Universal. This sucks! I hate Atari, you hear? I hate Atari! I hate Atari! I hate Atari! Jeez Louise! I goofed again! Have mercy! Go! Go go go go go go go! And this time, stay outta my life forever! Oh yeah? Well, try this on for size, you buttwipe! Look, it's THQ. Those knuckleheads make me laugh! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! What are you anyway, a Wisenheimer? I told you to get out of my life forever. I heard you fired your lawyers, so there's no way you can kick me out of here. I'll find a way to kick you out, all right. You just try. In the meantime, chew on this! Judas Priest! It's the Screen Gems S from Heck! I hate that infernal logo so much, I wanna barf all over it! What the heck? I'll do it now! [Sam barfing] Nice try, but you're still forever banned from working here under penalty of death. Okay, Sam. If you insist on barring me from my job, I'm using my secret weapon. Take that, you meany! Oh noes! It's that infernal Viacom V of Doom! Let me outta here! Eee-yiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi! Not so fast there, Microsoft Sam! I was sent here to torment you. And if you don't re-hire me, Sam, the V of Doom will torment you forever! This is all your doing, you dime-a-dozen bum! I'll never re-hire you and this infernal V of Doom will never get away with--- Eee-yiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You leave Microsoft Sam alone, you infernal beasty! Do not interfere with justice, you buttwipe! That's enough, V of Doom! For tormenting Sam and insulting Mike, I'm letting you have it! Take that, you King Daddy of scary logos! [BOOM!!] Thanks, Mary. You saved my life. Speakonia Male 1, you're re-hired. I should have known better. Just don't threaten me with scary logos again. It's a deal, Sam. [NBC Chime] Oy vey! Now it's the NBC Snake. Next, they'll say "brought to you in Living Color." Brought to you in Living Color. Now cut that out! Judas Priest! Just back on the job, and already Sam's starting in on me again! Take it easy, Sam. He's been having a rough time lately, and so have you. I guess you're right, Mike. I think we could use nice relaxing vacation. Perhaps we can go to Japan. Just kidding! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Cut! All right, earth guy, who are you trying to impress? I wanted to get a little creative. The logo is supposed to display 2013, not 1936. You'll get kids to poop in their pants. Poop in their pants? P-U! Look, Mary, it's Carolco. Carolco? Great! Now we can watch The Terminator uninterrupted, uncut and uncensored. I have one word for putting Carolco where Universal would normally be: uneducated. Take back the Carolco logo and get me the Universal Logo! Now! Saturn? That's nice. It used to be Saturn before it became. The Saturn meant car dealers. Not Saturn, Universal. Take it back and bring up the right logo. Republic Pictures. Something is wrong. Yeah. That's why I sent the Republic Pictures Logo out here. Something always goes wrong whenever Microsoft Sam shows up. You cheap sonofagun, this is not a *** flick. Get rid of the Republic Pictures and bring up the Universal Logo, or you'll be SOL. All right! Jeez Louise, you are such a grouch today! And my name is Microsoft Sam, not Jeez Louise. Calm down, Sam. You know he's trying as best he can. He's very trying, you buttwipe! You call me a buttwipe one more time, Sam, and I'll wipe your butt with a porcupine. Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... No no no no no no no no dang dang dang dang crum crum crum crum! Microsoft Mike, why don't you accept the fact that you are a buttwipe and you can't change what you are because it's a fact you buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe! [BOOM!!] Are you all right, Sam? I'm okay, Mary. I just got so p--ed off at Mike for objecting to my calling him a buttwipe. Be a little more careful who you call a buttwipe, you sonofagun! Spectrum. I use the internet. I use the not internet. This is not a commercial. Toyota. I wonder if we can drive cars. I agree. What did I tell you about commercial plugs in an ident? Sorry, Sam, I was put the logo. Get that commercial plug outta here! Now!! And if you give me one more commercial plug, I'll make you ride a Hyundai car. A Hyundai car? Eeewwwwwww! Eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww! [Mary barfing] Spanning the globe to bring you all the highlights in the Stella Artois. The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. You fool! This is not Stella Artois, this is Universal. Get me the proper logo, or I'll give you the agony of defeat! Give me a break, Sam! I've been running back and forth so much, I'm already suffering the agony of de feet. De feet hurt. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! "Ha ha ha ha" yourself. Very droll joke. Oh well. Since we mentioned food earlier, let's all take a lunch break. Cut! All right, what's the big idea? Tscha! This is supposed to be Universal, isn't it? True, but the logo is supposed to display "2013," not "1927." Go back and change it. All right, all right! Picky, picky, picky! Hollywood Pictures? How loud do you think they are? AS LOUD AS POSSIBLE!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!! Mary, you don't have to yell! Sheesh! And it's not Hollywood Pictures, it's Universal! Change it now! Shush the sheesh, Sam! Dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy! Sesame Street. They make strong movies, don't they? Not Sesame Street... Universal. Batman. One dose and you'll go Universal. Universal! Universal! Universal! Sorry, wrong number. Takara? Are we on "Dreamcatcher" all of a sudden? Do you pop out at parties? Are you unpoopular? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You buttwipe! This is 2013, and "Dreamcatcher" doesn't come on until 2006. Correct the caption now, or I'll make you watch Dreamcatcher! Sam, Sam, Sam, why must you always turn a Universal ID into your own personal sweatshop? Quit making insubordinate comments, you buttwipe! Tantrum coming on now. No no no no no no no no no no! Every time I try to calm Sam down, he acts like he's Genghis Khan! Well, I'm sick of this! Do you hear me? I'm sick of it! Sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun! [BOOM!] If I hear any more outbursts like that, it's over! No! No! No! ABS CBN did not exist in 2013! Go back and get it right! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Surround Sound does not own Comcast nor does it own Universal! And that theme music doesn't come along until 1997! One more slip-up and it's the end! No no no no no no no no dang dang dang dang crum crum crum crum! How dare you pair rival studio logos together! This is the end! I'm not doing any more Universal! You're all fired! Do you hear me? F-I-R-E-D! Fired! Out! Out-out-out-out-out! And don't even bother coming here expecting your jobs back, 'cause that's never gonna happen! Never never never never never! Judas Priest! What a temper! Anybody know of a good lawyer? We oughta sue Sam. If he thinks he'll get away with dumping us like this, he's got another thing coming. We'll get revenge on Sam one of these days. BUTTWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPE!!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! What's so funny, Mike? The Universal logo's acting like a 1922! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! 1922's are fun. I wish I watched one when I was a kid. Enough with the 1922's. I'm getting dizzy. Sharp has invaded Universal! Looks like we're in for an invasion of sitcoms. Sam would have a royal fit if he saw this logo in an ident. Could you try to get the Universal Logo back, please? Oops! Sorry, my bad. I'll see what I can do. Now it's Toshiba that's gone Universal. I can hardly wait to see Ian Malcolm being pals with electronic devices. Say good night, Toshiba. Good night, Toshiba. Who asked you? You're not funny and you're not Toshiba! Sheesh! And shush the sheesh! Hitachi did not take over Comcast. What are you trying to pull? I just wanted to see what would happen if Ian Malcolm met the camera. When Microsoft Sam gets back, he's gonna hear about this and he'll give you your just deserts, but good! Judas Priest! Sam was right about you, Mike! You really are a total buttwipe! Don't you start! I am not a buttwipe, you sonofagun! If Sam were here, Mike, he'd make you a member of the Liars' Club! K Swiss in Universal! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That's not funny! Change it! ICQ. Must be rabbit season. Or maybe duck season. The hunter in the sky. Maybe he's looking for Ursa Major. Perhaps he'll find her near the North Star. BlackBerry? BlackBerry? This is a motion picture, not a kiddie book! Am-scray! Please, Mike, don't get all worked up over these bloopers like Sam does. That's none of your business, you dummy! Microsoft Mike! I won't have you calling me a dummy! Simmer down, Mary. At least he knows how I feel about these bloopers sometimes. Microsoft Sam! Back so soon? I never thought I'd say this, Sam, but thank God you've returned! So what brought you back here so soon? I took a detour and found myself in a bad place. I raced back here as fast as I could, but someone from that bad place is chasing me. And who's chasing you? So, Microsoft Sam! I've found you! Eek! It's the Devil! He's brought that Satan's Kingdom sign with him. Somebody do something! Protect me from this evil overseer of that infernal realm! Too late, Sam! You are condemned! Prepare for an eternity of pain! Oh no you don't, Satan! Take that! [BOOM!!] No no no no no no no no! Not that! Anything but that! Let me outta here! Eeee-yow-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w! Look at him run! He took one look at the God's Country sign and fled in terror! Sic semper evillis - thus always to evildoers. Well said, Sam. I must go now. Peace be with you. And also with you. It's great to have you back, Sam. We all missed you. And I missed you too. I have an idea: now that Sam's back, safe and sound, let's all go out for some pizza. Your RoflCopter is all set, Sam. All aboard! We're on our way to Pizza City! soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi All right! What are you, a comedian or something? What do you mean? The only thing that should in is the 2013, not 1922. So sue me! Sheesh! And shush the sheesh! Shishkabob! I'm warning you! All right, all right! Judas Priest! You really know how to make a guy feel like a buttwipe! Takes one to know one. Universal 1919. That's "Present." That's wrong! Universal 1912. I love this logo so much! That's wrong. Get it right! You buttwipe! I am not a buttwipe! Liar! You are too! The logo "Master of None" does not in. Only the Universal Logo does, capeesh? I get it. Plants vs. Zombies. I hope Conan's doing his Year 3000 routine tonight. Not Plants vs. Zombies, Comcast! Blue's Clues. This kid show is bossed by the bomb. I agree. If you mess with it, it might explode on you. [BOOM!!] I didn't mean it literally! Welcome to the club. This is not Rovio! Get that Angry Birds outta here! I kind of play Angry Birds myself. Anna! What are you doing here? I heard you were having trouble with the Universal logo, Sam, so I've come to help you out. Okay, Anna, I'll give you a chance. Anybody can do better than that dime-a-dozen bum. I'm not a dime-a-dozen bum! You are too! Oh bother! The captions are there, but not the earth. Don't worry, Anna. You'll get the hang of it sooner or later. I guess you're right, Sam. We'll try again later. I'm all for going out to lunch. Would you like to go Dutch? I think we've been in dutch already. You are so funny, Sam! [Anna laughing] All right, you buttwipe! What's the big idea? What do you mean? And why, in heaven's name, do you keep calling me a buttwipe? Because I can and I said so. Get that Littlest Pet Shop outta here and get me the Universal Logo! Now!! Okay, you're the boss. And I am not a buttwipe! You are too a buttwipe and you know it! Buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe! Sheesh! And shush the sheesh! Smarsh? Oh bother! We're all out of Smarsh. Don't worry, Mike. I'll buy some on the way home today. Where did Smarsh come from? And it's not Smarsh, it's Universal! Get it right or I'll spray the Smarsh in your eyes! Universal upside 100th Anniversary. Universal art will never die. What are you, a comedian or something? You said it's supposed to be "Universal." Yes, but not the 2012 Universal 100th Anniversary logo. All right then, I'll get a concrete one. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... No no no no no no no no dang dang dang dang crum crum crum crum! Why does he always do this to me? I'm sick and tired of all the bullcrum you give me! You buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe! [BOOM!!] Sam? Are you all right? I'm sorry, Anna. I just get so sick and tired of all the bullcrum Speakonia Male 1 gives me in these videos. It gets me so worked up and I'm always throwing tantrums. Don't worry, Sam. Just be calm like me. I'm as cool as the other side of the pillow. But not the pillow Sam drooled on last night. Sam drooled on the pillow? Gross! Eeewwwww! Eeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww! [Mary barfing] Dole. Don't they distribute foods, Abby? They sure do, Beulah. Next they'll send in the commercial plug. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Speaking of commercial plugs, if you don't get me the proper logo--- Stop calling me a commercial plug! At least I didn't call him a buttwipe that time. Watch your mouth, you sonofagun! Look, it's Peet's Coffee. He's so good. I agree, Mary. I used to drink a coffee myself. Get that Peet's Coffee outta here or I'll sic on you! Take it easy, Sam. I was only joking. I don't even have a coffee shop. How much does a net globe cost? I don't care. I'll give this dime-a-dozen bum one more chance. I'm not a dime-a-dozen bum! Barney. I used to watch that show when I was a kid. I agree. Now you've done it! Out! Out-out-out-out-out! And don't ever come back! And this time I mean it! Next time I see you I'll jam--- [BLEEP!] Sorry I had to do that, Sam, but I just had to calm you down. That's telling him, Anna. Should we go shopping? Good idea, Mary. I have Sam's credit card with me. Let's go! Hey, earth guy! Who, me? Yes, you! You got the logo upside down! Oh really? I thought this was National Association of Broadcasters. Not National Association of Broadcasters, Comcast. Get it right! Oneworld. As in Oneworld Airplane. Those were the days. Breaker 19 for an airplane check. Negatory, good buddy. I say Negatory to this logo. It's Universal, not Oneworld. Universal! Universal! Universal! All right! Sheesh, you're such a buttwipe, Microsoft Sam! I'm not a buttwipe, you sonofagun! And shush the sheesh! SpongeBob SquarePants. I always wanted to Nickelodeon. You're making me thirsty. Oh, wow! I could've had a SpongeBob SquarePants! Vaseline? Vaseline? I don't want Vaseline. I don't want it either, but if Sam got it on with me, I'd end up with Vaseline anyway. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... No no no no no no no no dang dang dang dang crum crum crum crum! Microsoft Mary, you've got your nerve saying I give you Vaseline! I don't have Vaseline you dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy! [BOOM!!] Sam? Are you all right? I'm okay, Anna. I just get so p--ed off by cheap jokes about my abeiotic life. There, there, Sam. I used to feel that way, but then I got over it. If I can do it, so can you. Thanks. Now, let's see if the earth guy can get it right. Eucerin. How psychedelic. I love Eucerin. They're so real. Hey, earth guy! Universal! You hear? Universal! I wish you would call me by my proper name. I'm tired of being called "earth guy." If you don't display the proper logo, you'll be called an out-of-work earth guy. Up yours, buttwipe! I AM NOT A BUTTWIPE! Calm down, Sam. This too shall pass. Instagram. Instagram. What's new? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Hey, earth guy! I have a riddle for you. Knock knock. Who's there? Ama Gana. Ama Gana who? Ama Gana fire you if you don't display the proper logo! Hahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Sheesh! SHUSH THE SHEESH! Look, Mary. Someone whitewashed the YouTube. I love the YouTube Video website, but I also love to write dirty ones. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! EARTH GUY!! Uh-oh! I'd better vamoose! Come back here, earth guy! I hate you so much I wanna take that goddanged logo and beat your stupid-butt brains out! It's just human nature for me to hate guys that try to make my life a living heck--- ---especially dime-a-dozen bums like you. I'm not a dime-a-dozen bum! LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR... Hey you! Who, me? Yes, you! What's the deal with this Kleenex logo being here when this is supposed to be an ident? I thought this was going to be a tissue. This is not tissue! This is Universal! Get me the Universal Logo! Now! All right! Judas Priest, you're such a buttwipe! And stop calling me a buttwipe, you sonofagun! Pampers? Why, they produced the old "Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In." That show was comedy incarnate. I wish they'd bring it back. Was "Laugh-In" a funny show? You bet your sweet bippy it was! Sock it to me! If you don't bring up the Universal logo I'll really sock it to you, but good! Honda, as in long-playing record. At last, a long-playing logo. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Not "Honda" - "Universal." Cadillac. I used to live on Cadillac when I was a kid. So did I. LH Michael and LH Michelle! You two are not allowed in this video! Get out! Out! O-U-T! Out! Hold it right there, Speakonia Male 1! Come back here! You called, Boss? Yes. I told you to bring up the Universal logo. That's your job. Who's the jackbutt that let in all these inappropriate logos? I don't have to ask. It's you, Speakonia Male 1. What do you have to say for yourself? It wasn't me that kicked down the door, it was those crazy people, LH Michael and LH Michelle, that did it. They shouldn't have broken in here in the first place and I'm putting you on notice. Get the Universal logo in here before closing time, or else! On notice? Me? Screw you, Sam, you buttwipe! Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... No no no no no no no no! Goddang you, Speakonia Male 1! I'm sick and tired of your f-ing insubordination! If you keep screwing up the Universal logo, you're fired! You hear me? Fired! You sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun! [BOOM!!] Sam? Are you all right? I'm all right, Anna. I just get so p-ed off at all these inappropriate logos invading the Universal turf. Oh well, this too shall pass. GMC. I guess we'll next be visited by GMC. One more commercial plug in a Universal ID and I'll slap you. Sheesh! And shush the sheesh! Pontiac. I guess Pontiac will now start showing Universal. Pontiac presents Ian Malcolm. Made possible with a grant from ACME Carrots. If I told you once, I've told you a gazillion times, it's "Universal!" Bounty. It's official now: Bounty and Comcast have merged. I can see it now: Ian Malcolm meets the paper towels of Bounty. No, no, no, no, no! Bounty did not merge with Comcast! You have exactly one more chance to bring the Universal logo in here, capeesh? Sam, you're becoming a real control freak! One more insubordinate comment like that and you're a dead man! Olay. Time for an episode of female woman. You two here again? I'm calling Security! And as for you, Speakonia Male 1, you know what this means? I don't get the company car you promised me? YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRED!!! Fired!? Fired!? I've got a wife, ten kids and three credit unions to support! If it takes every cent I have, Microsoft Sam, I'll sue your sorry butt so vengefully that one day you'll be working for me! Sure you will. When Heck freezes over! Don't despair, Sam. You still have the rest of us to back you all the way. I guess you're right, Anna. Let'*** the bar. It's happy hour. All the drinks are on me. Tide. Can detergents be far behind? Not really, Anna. I yearn for the days of the Huntley- Brinkley Report. Not a bad suggestion, RoboSoft 3. Unilever. Easy as SC Johnson. Simple as Procter & Gamble. That's nice, but you forgot the U to go with the logo. Whoops! 20th Century Fox. It must be time for watch an episode. Come and listen to my story about an episode name 24. A poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed. No wonder they moved to Fox Studios. That Anatol Stolnavich's got his own cement pond. That Anatol Stolnavich is a millionaire. Any news on Sam yet? Sam won't give in. He still won't re-hire Speakonia Male 1. He's as stubborn as a Missouri mule. Look, Michelle, it's Keurig. Keurig's are free. What network is this from? Keurig. It's the commercial plug company from Keurig Dr. Pepper. Now what is this? A Candlewick Press book. Books? I love books. Take it back. Now. What's the matter, Anna? Don't you like books any more? I love books. They make my face break out. Now I know what Anna read last night. How's it going, book-face? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! [BOOM!!] Oh my goodness! You made my face break out! Sorry about that, Mary. I just don't like being called "book-face." Be careful next time. What you just did to me made me sick. Eeeeewwwww! Eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww! [Mary barfing] Game Cube? What's a game cube? Don't you know, Mike? You roll seven-come-eleven with them. Dice. The original game cubes. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Monopoly. If you can cross over, we can play this board game. Speakonia Male 1! You're back! We missed you. Back already, Speakonia Male 1? Where's Microsoft Sam? I can explain everything. You better explain it fast. I heard that Sam's looking for you. He's got the police looking for you too. Sam and the cops are after Speakonia Male 1? I thought you were holding him hostage. I was, but Sam grabbed the gun out of my hand and started shooting at me. I hot-footed it out of there, but Sam warned me never to come here or I'd be sorry. [Siren] Uh-oh! The fuzz! If Sam sees us here, we're dead! Hide us! Quick! Aha! I thought I'd find you here! Microsoft Sam! Give me another chance! And please stop hating LH Michael and LH Michelle! Hah! That gay boy and his lesbian sister? I'm not a gay boy! And I'm not a lesbian. I'm not even from lesbas. Liars! Arrest them, Officer! On what charges? Criminal trespass, gross insubordination and mutiny. And make it a capital offense. Microsoft Sam! Are you out of your mind? Sorry, Anna, but justice has to be done. Officer, if you'll just hear me out for a second, I can explain everything. Go ahead. On my way in here, I stopped at the courthouse and filed a wrongful termination lawsuit against Sam. I also accused him of gross homophobia and being a control freak. This from you, a mutineer! Be quiet, Sam! Hear him out. Thanks. And not only that, I've secured a court injunction allowing LH Michael and LH Michelle to stay in these videos. Sam is never to hate them any more or call them homophobic names. All right. I won't arrest you, LH Michael or LH Michelle. And if Sam issues an apology, I won't press charges against him. Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... No no no no no no no no dang dang dang dang crum crum crum crum! Foiled by a broken justice system! When will they ever learn who's in charge of things here? This is a travesty, you hear me? Travesty travesty travesty travesty travesty travesty travesty travesty! [BOOM!!] Are you through, Sam? Yes, Officer. I'm sorry for the tantrum and all the trouble I've caused. Speakonia Male 1, you're re-hired. And as for LH Michael and LH Michelle, I promise never to hate you again. Can we continue with the Universal logo, please? Go ahead. Operation Prime Time? In a Universal ID? what next, Ian Malcolm is watching Testimony of Two Men? Budweiser? Which Budweiser do they hail from? Kentucky? Virginia? Massachusetts? Nerdocrumbesia? Budweiser in Nerdocrumbesia? Just kidding, Sam! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy! Same old Sam. Always calls me a dummy every time I get the best of him. Don't worry, Mary. This too shall pass. And how about getting the logo right for a change? Roger. The name's Microsoft Sam, not Roger. Sorry. Well, it's an improvement. All we need to do is replace the 1946 with a 2013 and we'll be on Easy Street. Not to worry, I'll try again. Not just yet. It's been a trying day and I need to get a little rest. Let's take the rest of the week off. Works for me. Me too. It sure feels good to see you back, Sam. I missed you. I missed you too, Anna. I love you. And I love you too, Sam. [Anna] Sam? Where are you? [Mike] He said he'd be a little late coming in. [Mary] He's probably lecturing the Earth Guy. [Anna] Well, we might as well get started. [Anna] Nice to drop in, Sam. What are you doing atop the PBS logo? [Mary] Great entrance, Sam. Are you auditioning to be Ian Malcolm's stuntman? No, I'm not auditioning to be Ian Malcolm's stuntman. I was telling the Earth Guy to get the proper logo in here and I wound up on top of it. [Anna] Sam, you look good riding the earth. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! [Earth Guy] I told you not to sit on the earth, Sam. [Sam] Now you tell me. Buttwipe! [Mary] Now where'd Mike go? [Sam] Mike, you buttwipe! Get off the earth! You're not Ian Malcolm. Don't call me a buttwipe, you sonofagun! This earth is so pointy, it hurts to sit on it. Ouch! [Anna] I think Mike looks good atop the earth, but where's Mary? [Sam] She probably went to get a drink of water. Hey, this is fun! I could feel the breeze in my hair when I in. [Sam] Earth Guy! [Earth Guy] What's up, Sam? [Sam] Don't "What's up, Sam" me, you buttwipe! Tell Mary to get off the earth right now! Don't listen to Sam, Earth Guy. I love these earth rides. [Mike] I'm hip to you, Mary. [Sam] Microsoft Mike, stop encouraging people to do these crazy stunts! You are a certified first-class buttwipe! A buttwipe. you hear? A BUTTWIPE!!! [Mike] Microsoft Sam listen to me good: I AM NOT A BUTTWIPE! I NEVER WAS A BUTTWIPE! I'LL NEVER BE A BUTTWIPE AND I WANT YOU TO STOP CALLING ME A BUTTWIPE! YOU HEAR ME? STOP CALLING ME A BUTTWIPE YOU SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN!! [BOOM!!] [Speakonia Male 2] Oh my goodness! Mike throws a tantrum in a 2013 Universal Pictures Logo Bloopers video? [Speakonia Male 3] Usually Sam throws tantrums in these videos. [Sam] Gad! What a temper! Anna? Where's Anna? Have you seen Anna? Here I am, Sam! Mary's right. This is fun! [Sam] Anna? You're riding the earth? Yeah, but I think Mike's right when he said it needs a little smoothing out. [Sam] I'm hip to that. Hey Earth Guy, have you been charging admission to let people ride the earth? [Earth Guy] Nope. I let them ride for free. After all, you started it, Sam! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! [Sam] Sheesh! [Abby] Hey Beulah, this is fun! I can see clear over to Albuquerque from here. [Beulah] I agree, Abby. We should remember to take that left turn there. [Sam] Two people riding the earth at the same time? [Mike] At least that'll make riding it smoother. Hey Michelle, this has Coney Island beat by a country mile. I agree, Michael. They should name this place the Chuck Jones Memorial Park. [Sam] EARTH GUY!! [Earth Guy] You bellowed, Sam? [Sam] Yes, I bellowed, Earth Guy. Did you let this gay boy and his lesbian sister in here again? Come on, Sam, give us a break. Stop hating us. We have as much a right to ride the earth as the rest of you. [Sam] I don't care! You're still not allowed in here! Out! Out-out-out-out-out! [Earth Guy] Microsoft Sam! You can't keep chasing LH Michael and LH Michelle as if they were prairie dogs! You'll turn into a hate criminal if you keep this up! Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... No no no no no no no no dang dang dang dang crum crum crum crum! Why do you keep f-ing up my life, Earth Guy? LH Michael and LH Michelle are unauthorized personnel! I am not a hate criminal! You hear me? I am not a hate criminal you buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe! [BOOM!!] [Anna] Sam? Are you all right? [Sam] I'm all right, Anna. I just get so p-ed off at the Earth Guy for letting LH Michael and LH Michelle in here. He doesn't realize how much I hate their guts. [Anna] Don't be too rough on them, Sam. Just because they're different doesn't mean they're undesirable. As a personal favor, please give them a chance. Do this for me, okay? [Sam] Okay, Anna. I'll try, but it won't be easy. [Speakonia Male 2] Kellogg's. [Mary] I love the Kellogg's cereal. He's so good. [Speakonia Male 3] What's up, cereal? [Sam] If they try to sell me insurance again, it's cereal soup. Hahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! [LH Michael] Post Consumer Brands. [LH Michelle] I love it. No work, all cereal. [Sam] Ix-nay on the ugs-cereal! [Earth Guy] Oy vey. [Earth Guy] Oops! I goofed again! I know I should be punished. Let me take off my trousers. [Speakonia Male 2] Don't bother. I think they've reached the limits on what *** probing can teach them. [Sam] Well, you're in the ballpark. This gives me an idea. Hand me the tools. Oh Sam! You are so gifted with tools. I'm glad you like it, Anna. I call it "The Universal Logo-Mobile." I especially love these new seats. It's much more comfortable than sitting on the earth itself. It's almost lunch time. Wanna go Dutch? I'm one step ahead of you, Anna. All right. Hang on, here we go! [Beulah] Oh my goodness! That's a real fast machine Sam's got! I wish I could ride one of those. [Abby] So do I, but Sam's only built one. [Mary] Well, at least we know where they usually have lunch. [Mike] We can join them at the commissary. [Earth Guy] May I tag along? [Mike] Only if you ride your own earth! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! [Earth Guy] Oh bother. Quiet on the set. This is a take. Cue earth. I said cue earth, not Glade. [Earth Guy] Well, it does start with a "G". Looks like it's going to be one of those days. With Sam, every day is one of those days. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Shut up, you buttwipe! [Mike] How many times must I tell you, Sam? I am not a buttwipe! [Sam] Liar! You are too! He's not a buttwipe, Sam. Don't encourage him, you dummy! And get me the proper logo! [Earth Guy] Roger Wilco. Aveeno. I used to know her in college. She must be Britney's sister. I'll spear your Aveeno if you don't get me the proper logo! [Earth Guy] Don't get violent, Sam! [Speakonia Male 2] Solutia? What in the world is Solutia? [Speakonia Male 3] That's pronounced "Solutia." It's that company that made chemical industry famous. Benny Hill? Good show, lads. [Earth Guy] Oops! Yet another logo blooper. Ah yes. Bad show, lads. Hi, Sam. Are you having trouble with the 2013 Universal logo again? Same old song and dance. Don't worry, Sam. Let's see what comes up next. Round One. That's near Round One, isn't it? The bowling alley must smell like Teen Spirit. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That's not the smell of Teen Spirit. Bowling alleys used for bowling, and that bowling alley must have just relieved itself before coming here. You mean he just pooped? Sickening. Gross. Eeeeewwwwwwww! Eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww! [Barfing] [Jingle singers] Ajax Laundry Detergent is stronger than dirt! Ajax, stronger than dirt. I thought the ghost of Jim Morrison of the Doors just came in. We can use that to clean up the bucket after someone gets sick in this studio. What did we tell you? No commercial plugs in an ident! Now let's get on the stick! Crayola. It must be time for drawing crayons. Danger is his business! LH Michael and LH Michelle! What are you doing here? Take it easy on us, Sam. The cops warned you not to hate us again, remember? Sam, why must you insist on hating LH Michael and LH Michelle? For Pete's sake, be nice to them, okay? Get a hold of yourself, Sam. You've got to exhibit tolerance. Keep cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum in five, four, three, two, one... No no no no no no no no dang dang dang dang crum crum crum crum! What in the blessed name of J.L. Comcast is this world coming to when I have to tolerate people I feel like hating? It sucks, you hear me? It sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks! [BOOM!!] Calm down, Sam. They're just people like us. I'm sorry for acting that way, Anna. I guess I'm trapped in my old ways. [Anna] That's all right, Sam. You'll get over it soon. Shall we continue with the 2013 Universal logo now? Great idea. Hey, Earth Guy! [Earth Guy] I know. I'll bring up the proper logo. [Earth Guy] How's this, Sam? [Sam] Well, it's an improvement, but we're using the 2013 logo version and this Universal Television logo is from 2011. [Earth Guy] Give me a break, Sam. It's been a trying day. [Sam] I know the feeling. Let's all take the rest of the day off. [Anna] I'm for taking the rest of the day off too, Sam. You need some rest. I'll be right beside you. [Sam] Thanks, Anna. [Mike] Looks like they're an item. [Mary] I knew they'd get along. Places, everyone! This is a take! Roll camera! Cue the earth! All right, Earth Guy! What are you, a comedian or something? [Earth Guy] You wanted the logo, you got the logo. Yeah, but you got the logo wrong. It should be "Universal," not "Zojirushi." Zojirushi. Zoji what? Zojirushi. I thought it meant "Zojirushi Corporation." Shut up, you dummy! Montgomery Ward? That's what I say! Montgomery Ward is going on here? [Earth Guy] Oops! Methinks I goofed again. Youthinks right, Earth Guy. Get it right or I'll f--- you where the sun doesn't shine! [Earth Guy] Don't get dirty, Sam! Bradlees. I just love this store so much. Not Bradlees, you buttwipe! Universal! Universal! Universal! [Earth Guy] Quit calling me a buttwipe, you sonofagun! [Speakonia Male 2] Stop & Shop. [Speakonia Male 3] When I was little, my family went to Stop & Shop. Oh really? My family used to go to those supermarket stores a lot. Listen up, Earth Guy! You're supposed to bring up the Universal logo and ONLY the Universal logo! You hear me? [Earth Guy] And you listen to me, Sam! YouTube user BJ29035 demands that we include Looney Tunes Characters in a 2013 Universal Pictures Logo Bloopers video! And Geraint Lewis says there would be copyright issues if we did that! RaceTrac. Programming research will never die. EARTH GUY!!! [Earth Guy] You bellowed, Sam? Yes, I bellowed, Earth Guy! Now pay attention! Universal! Universal! Uni as in Wisenheimer, Versal as in Blockhead! EARTH GUY, YO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-OU'RE FIRED!!! [Earth Guy] Fired!? Fired!? Screw you, Microsoft Sam! I'm telling BJ29035 on you! Calm down, Sam. Geraint Lewis is right. If we used the Looney Tunes Characters in one of these videos, Comcast would hit him with a copyright strike. Gee, Anna, that makes me feel a lot better. Eek! It's the Devil and the She-Devil! You're right, Beulah. Grab hold of the nearest cross. [Devil] Chill out, babes. It's not you that we've come for. [She-Devil] We've come for Microsoft Sam. You infernal beasties! You dare invade a 2013 Universal Pictures Logo Bloopers video? We were having a lot of fun ourselves until you two evildoers showed up. We've got a good mind to call on God to drive you away. [Devil] We have a message to deliver to all of you. [She-Devil] Since Geraint Lewis refuses to include Looney Tunes Characters in these videos, we claim Microsoft Sam's soul. Get thee behind me, Devil and She-Devil! Geraint Lewis won't do it because he might get a copyright strike against him. [Devil] BJ29035 says that's all bullcrum. [She-Devil] If Geraint Lewis still refuses to include Looney Tunes Characters, we will poop all over you. That's far enough, Devil and She-Devil! Get out of here right now, or I invoke the wrath of God! [Devil] Scandalous! Shall we let them have it? [She-Devil] Let's do it. Bombs away! [PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP] Gugh! Not again! Eeeeewwwww! Eeeeeeewwwwwww! [Barfing] You filthy animals! Eeeewwwwwww! Eeeeeewwwwwwww! [Barfing] You'll pay for this, Devil and She-Devil! Eeeeeeewwwwwwww! Eeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww! [Barfing] Jiminy Christmas! All over my best dress! Eeewwww! Eeeeewwwwwww! [Barfing] [Devil] Look at them, covered in poop! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! [She-Devil] They're so sick they can hardly move! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You've gone too far, you infernal imps! Take that! [BOOM!!] [Voice of God] All right, Devil and She-Devil! Now you get yours! [Devil] Not the cleaning again! [She-Devil] We can't stand having our butts cleaned! [Voice of God] Take that, dirty creatures! [Devil] Eee-yow-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w! [She-Devil] Eee-yow-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w! Thanks again, Angel. We're cleaned up and feeling better. And we're glad those infernal goons are getting their come-uppance. A-men! You're welcome. [Earth Guy] Oh no! Not again! I know I should be punished. Don't worry. When that Devil and She-Devil let loose on me, I regretted letting you go. You're re-hired, Earth Guy. [Earth Guy] Thanks. [Anna] This is Microsoft Anna with a follow-up report on the mix-up that just took place. The Devil and She-Devil have gotten their come-uppance. And Geraint Lewis need not worry about BJ29035 abusing him for not using Looney Tunes Characters. Geraint's right about the copyright issues, BJ is wrong, and let's let it go at that. Keep watching this channel for future 2013 Universal Pictures Logo Bloopers videos. Hey, Earth Guy! [Earth Guy] You called, Sam? What's the big idea with the Commercial Land logo? You're in the movies, not commercial. Change it now! [Earth Guy] Surely you can't be serious. [Sam] I am serious, and don't call me Shirley. Woodman's Markets. Tonight's shop: Food of supermarket. I agree. Universal, not Woodman's Markets. Get me? [Earth Guy] Sorry about that, Chief. Bose Corporation. Good morning, Bose. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to hunt down the electronic. What's with the commercial plug titles? You're supposed to have the Universal logo in, you dig? [Earth Guy] This logo will self-destruct in five seconds. [Ticking] [BOOM!!] [Sam] Buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe! [Speakonia Male 2] It's RCA. [Speakonia Male 3] Tonight, RCA is an electronic. I've always admired audio. Electronics were my favorite. And if you don't bring up the Universal logo, it will be the Case of the Missing Earth Guy. [Earth Guy] Sheesh! [Sam] And shush the sheesh! iRobot. That's nice. I agree. You two again!? Get out! Out! Oh, come on, Sam! Give us a break! We're not undesirables just because we're different. God did not put me on this Earth to tolerate gay boys like LH Michael and lesbians like LH Michelle! Get out, before I THROW you out! Microsoft Sam! I won't stand for any more of your bigotry! Accept them and be done with it, capeesh? I don't need a lecture from you, Fatso! I said stop hating LH Michael and LH Michelle! And don't ever call me "Fatso!" [CRASH!] Ouch! My ribcage! My spine! Owww! Pfizer. Now let's get a prescription drug. Hey, Pfizer is fun. Hey, Earth Guy... IT'S NOT PFIZER, YOU BUTTWIPE, IT'S COMCAST! [Earth Guy] Okay, Sam. If you're gonna be a sonofagun, I'm gonna give it to you good! Oh my goodness! Do you see what I see? It's the Viacom V of Doom, the Screen Gems S from Heck, and the B-Backwards-N-D Mask of Guo Jiang! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Sam? Sam? Are you all right? Speak to me, Sam! Oh my gosh! Sam's having a heart attack! Call 9-1-1! Oh...where am I? This doesn't look like the studio. What is this place? [VID (B-Backwards N-D) MUSIC] Oh my goodness! Am I really in Satan's Kingdom? Yes, Microsoft Sam. And this time, you really DIED! And now that you're dead, you belong to us... ...forever! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! God, save me! You heard him, Satan! Let Sam go! And who's gonna make me? [Voice of God] I will, you infernal hound dogs! Bring Sam back to life! NOW!! Go away, interferer! Sam is MINE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! [Mary] He's coming to, Anna. Oh...where am I? Relax, Sam. You're in a hospital bed. The doctor said you had a mild heart attack. You're going to be okay. That's a relief. I had a vision in which I met the Devil and the She-Devil in Satan's Kingdom. I called for God and the Angel to save me, but the Devil stabbed me in the gut with his pitchfork! Ouch! There, there, Sam. You probably had a bad dream. And how are things at the studio? Just fine. They're still trying to get the Universal Pictures logo correct. That's not the Universal logo. It's the Television from the Paramount Blue Mountain logo. That's right. That Blue Mountain keeps abusing me, and he keeps lying about it. If the Television came here, I wonder where the Universal logo could be. [Universal Logo] Would you like me to buy you a drink, Blue Mountain? [Blue Mountain] Let'*** the bars. The night is ours. Quiet on the set! Roll camera! Cue earth! [Sam] Hahahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! [Earth Guy] What's so dang funny, Sam? You got not one earth up there, but two! [Earth Guy] I've been experimenting with DNA. Do your cloning on your own time. Now get it right! Three earths. Next they'll show the Three Stooges. Soitenly! Nyuk-nyuk! Now that's three earths to the wind. It's supposed to be one earth, not three. [Earth Guy] My assistant researcher is very fertile. One, two, three, four. Four Universal earth logos. Have you got any more? [Speakonia Male 2] Looks like a four-leaf clover. [Speakonia Male 3] I'm looking over a four-leaf clover that I overlooked before. You buttwipe, Earth Guy! There is supposed to be only one logo in! Do you hear me? One! [Earth Guy] You're no fun any more, Microsoft Sam! Red earth, no captions. I prefer a blue shield, thank you. And just what are you two doing here? Sam, you have no reason to hate us. Just because we're different doesn't give you the right to call us undesirable. I am going to say this once, and only once. WHAT PART OF "EVIL MORONS" DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? Microsoft Sam! What part of "hate criminal" don't you understand? If you don't stop hating LH Michael and LH Michelle, your *** is grass! Do you hear me? Shut up, Fatso! And stop calling me "Fatso!" [CRASH!] Security!! Calm down, Sam. If only you were a little more tolerant of LH Michael and LH Michelle, this wouldn't have happened to you. I'm sorry, Abby, but you just have to face the truth at some point. And how about some captions for the earth? [Earth Guy] Sure thing, Baldy. [Sam] And don't call me "Baldy!" EARTH GUY!! [Earth Guy] You bellowed, Sam? Yes, I bellowed, Earth Guy! Where's the earth? [Earth Guy] You said you wanted some captions, so I gave you some captions. I want to see some captions on the earth, you hear? The captions on the earth! [Earth Guy] All right, all right! Sheesh, you're such a buttwipe! [Voices singing] SEGA. Not SEGA! Universal, you hear? Universal! Calm down, Sam. You know he's trying. Yes, Anna. He's trying, all right--- very trying. They're playing my song! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Hey Earth Guy, could you display the words "Looney Tunes" as well? [Earth Guy] Sure, Mike. I've got a zillion of them. Don't encourage him, Mike. I'm in charge here. [Sam] And give me the proper logo this time, or your butt is grass! EARTH GUY!! [Earth Guy] Uh-oh! I'd better vamoose! Come back here, you coward! [Sam] Gotcha, Earth Guy! Now you're getting the punishment you deserve! [Earth Guy] What're you gonna do to me, you sonofagun? This! [RIP!!] Ouch! You mutilator! You should have thought of that before you started messing up the logo. Calm down, Sam! You know Geraint Lewis disapproves of your abusing the Earth Guy, not to mention your loathing of LH Michael and LH Michelle. Let them be, and be done with it. She's right, Sam. Don't let it upset you. Remain calm. Uh-oh! Tantrum in five, four, three, two, one... No no no no no no no no dang dang dang dang crum crum crum crum!! It's my 2013 Universal Pictures logo and I can do what I dang well please! I don't need anyone like that f-ing Earth Guy or those morons LH Michael and LH Michelle whom I demand that the Devil torment forever! This sucks, you hear me? Sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks!! [BOOM!!] Sam? Are you all right? I guess so, Anna. I'm sorry I acted that way. I guess I'm too set in my ways. [Anna] There, there, Sam. Everything will be okay. Shall we continue with the 2013 Universal logo now? [Sam] Good idea. Hey Earth Guy! [Earth Guy] I'm one step ahead of you. Jeez, now I know what a eunuch feels like. If this is Texas Instruments, I wonder if there's a hardware store as well. Hardware stores, oh my! [Earth Guy] Oops, wrong logo again. I do hate shabby work. [Sam] And so do I. Hey! What's going on? We're shutting down, Sam. They cut the budget in half because the tantrums you and your friends threw caused a 400-percent spike in energy bills. And it's just after curfew. You coming, Mary? I'm right behind you, Mike. [Anna] Are you ready, Sam? [Sam] I'm as ready as I'll ever be, Anna. [Anna] Okay. Here we go! Hey, Earth Guy! [Earth Guy] You called, Sam? What's with the TripAdvisor logo? This is supposed to be Universal. Bring me the earth! [Earth Guy] Sorry. Expedia? What in the heck is Expedia? It's an online travel shopping company, Mike! Hey, Expedia is fun! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! This is not Expedia. This is Comcast. Get it right! [Earth Guy] Sam, you're really acting finicky today. [Sam] Shut up, you buttwipe! [Earth Guy] Don't you call me a buttwipe, you sonofagun! Honeywell? That's nice! I agree. Neither did I. Get me the logo, and be quiet! They call him Bank of America. Bank of America, faster than lightning. No one you see is smarter than he. You two again? You don't seem to face facts, do you? Sam, Sam, Sam. Stop being such a hater! We have as much a right to be in these videos as the rest of you. I have no desire to be friends with people whom I know for a fact are evil. Get out! It's no good to vent out wanton hate against a person just because he or she is different. We are not evil. Accept us and be done with it. What's the worst that can happen to you? What's the worst that can happen to me? GOD WOULD HATE ME FOR ACCEPTING YOU!! Microsoft Sam! Stop hating LH Michael and LH Michelle at once! You know that God is very forgiving. I don't dabble in heresy, Fatso! Stop calling me "Fatso!" All right! Sheesh! You don't have to throw me around the studio like a beanbag! I'm not throwing you around like a beanbag this time. Then what are you gonna do to me? [Beulah] This! [RIP!!!] {Sam] Eee-yow-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w! Why did you just give me a wedgie? It's your just punishment for hating LH Michael and LH Michelle. And if you do that once more, I'll throw you into Satan's Kingdom! Do you hear me? Stop hating them! Beulah, you frighten me more than the V of Doom, the S from Heck, and the B-Backwards N-D Mask of Guo Jiang rolled into one. And as for you, Earth Guy... [Earth Guy] You don't have to remind me. Jeez, what a bigot! [Speakonia Male 2] Capital One? [Speakonia Male 3] Capital One, come home! Earth Guy, you must be a real bank to keep messing up the logos like this. Now get it right or I'll put you in a leash! [Earth Guy] On a leash? Sheesh! [Sam] And shush the sheesh! Fifth Third Bank. I love it. Fifth Third Bank is a bank company! Enough with the animal shows. No more dolphins, and no more banks. I want the Universal logo and ONLY, ONLY the Universal logo, you dig? Take it easy, Sam. Anna and I happen to be bank lovers. I love all photos. I got thrown from one once. I didn't know Mary was that strong! Hahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Stay calm, Mary. Relax. Keep your cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum coming on. Eee-yow-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w! Microsoft sam, how dare you call me a bank! You should be tied to a post yourself you moron moron moron moron moron moron moron moron! [BOOM!!] Jeez Louise! Now Mary's thrown a tantrum in a 2013 Universal Pictures Logo Bloopers video! Are you all right, Mary? I'm okay, Abby. I hope Sam apologizes for calling me a horse. All right, Mary, I'm sorry for calling you a bank. And Beulah, I promise to never, ever call you "Fatso" again... ...especially since I need to lose weight myself. Well, Sam, it takes one to know one! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Citibank. That's where I used to hang out. EARTH GUY!!! You bellowed, Sam? Yes, I bellowed, Earth Guy! I want the Universal logo, you hear me? Universal! NOW!! Omega. Omega on the wall. All right! Enough is enough! Out you two pixies go, through the door or out the Windows! Not again, Sam! And that goes for you too, Beulah! [Sam] Out! Out! All of you! OUT!!! [ZOOM] [CRASH!] [ZOOM] [CRASH!] [ZOOM] [CRASH!] Microsoft Sam! Are you out of your mind? [Sam] And as for you, Earth Guy... [ZOOM] [CRASH!] [Sam] You're fired! And I'm calling the cops! Now this time, let's get it right. And remind me to get a lawyer who'll help me win a case for once. "Uniqlo?" "Uniqlo?" That's wrong. It should read "Universal," not "Uniqlo." [Earth Guy] Oops! [Earth Guy] How's this, boss? Almost there, Earth Guy. All we need to do is remove the Television text and we're on Easy Street. Well said, Sam. And I'm glad you've come to your senses about us. Are you convinced now that it's no good to hate us just because we're different from you? LH Michael, LH Michelle and Beulah, you know it and I know it, but what would God think of me now? I'm sure He'd forgive you. And I forgive you too, Sam. I was that way once, but things are different now. They sure are. [Earth Guy] I'll get the shield corrected. [Sam] Well, not just yet, Earth Guy. I've been through a lot of heck today and I can use a little rest. Let's take the rest of the day off. [Mike] I agree with you, Sam. Are you coming, Mary? [Mary] I'm coming, Mike. [Anna] And I'm glad to see you've wised up about LH Michael and LH Michelle, Sam. [Sam] I agree, Anna. I've certainly learned my lesson. Let's head for the bar. The drinks are on me. All right, let's get this show on the road. Roll camera. Cue the logo. Earth Guy! You called me Sam? I didn't call you Sam. I'm Sam, you're the Earth Guy. I addressed you with my question, Sam. Just joking. Do you know what you just logo into the frame? [Earth Guy] You mean this? Yes, that. It's supposed to be the Universal logo, not "That's all Folks!" from Looney Tunes. If you want it done right, YOU do it! I'm quitting! Earth Guy, you come back here! Leave him alone, Sam. LH Michelle and I can handle the logo. All right, LH Michael. Anyone can be better than that dime-a-dozen bum. He's not a dime-a-dozen bum, Sam. Wells Fargo? Who's a Wells Fargo? A bank company? Yes. I agree. I'll bet that's what the Earth Guy thinks of Sam. And after Sam fired him, that Earth Guy still thinks Sam's a Wells Fargo. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! It's not that funny, you two. Besides, I didn't fire him. He quit. H&R Block? Do they mean "H&R Block Banks?" That's the name of those banks. Banks? Sounds like a classical music drama set in the shower. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Banks are for Butt-Wipes. That's what Microsoft Mike is, was and always will be, no matter how many times he denies it. He can't run away from what he is. Hahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Take it easy, Mike. He's only kidding. Stay cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum coming on now. No no no no no no no no dangit dangit dangit dangit! Microsoft Sam, how many times do I have to tell you? I am not an f--ing buttwipe! I never was one, nor will I ever be one and I want you to cease and desist calling me a liar every time I deny being a buttwipe! You hear me? Sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun! [BOOM!!] Are you all right, Mike? I'm okay, Mary. Jeez Louise, Mike! Why must you get so upset over something as trivial as name-calling? See, Mike? Sam admitted it was trivial. Good. Let's get the logo right. [Speakonia Male 2] TGI Fridays. I'd like to open an account here. Where do I see the teller? [Speakonia Male 3] There's no teller here. This is First National Pictures, not TGI Fridays. Anybody know where the Earth Guy is? I haven't the foggiest idea, Sam. If I know the Earth Guy, he probably got a job at TGI Fridays. I wouldn't be surprised if he pulled a bank job. Hahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Ruby Tuesday? I never heard of them. Don't worry, Mary. You know the old saying: "And the last shall be first." Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Alvy Adair, FBI. Do you have a man reported missing who answers to the name "Earth Guy?" Yes. The Earth Guy says he quit, but I turned down his resignation. Therefore, he's playing hooky from work. We have no criminal record on him, so we referred your case to the CIA. The CIA? Cedric Shmendrick, CIA. We have found the missing man known as the Earth Guy and have returned him to you. Do you wish to press charges? He's my employee. I'll handle him. All right, he's yours. Sam, why didn't you accept my resignation? Because, Earth Guy, you didn't submit it to me in writing. That's why I had the FBI and the CIA coming after you. And also because you're a dime-a-dozen bum. I'm not a dime-a-dozen bum! You are too a dime-a-dozen bum! [Earth Guy] I am not! [Sam] You are too! [Earth Guy] I am NOT!! [Sam] You are TOO!! [Earth Guy] I AM NOT!!! [Sam] YOU ARE TOO!!! Will you two please stop fighting!! Shut up, buttwipe! [Mike] I am not a buttwipe and don't ever call me a liar for denying ever being one! You tell him, Microsoft Mike! Don't be a mutineer, Earth Guy! [Earth Guy] Mutineer, huh? Well, try this on for size, you slave- driving control freak! FU? What's FU? They should have put a MANCHU on the logo as well. Then it would be "FU MANCHU!" Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! EARTH GUY!!! YOU NOODGE! WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO SAY FOR YOURSELF? [Earth Guy] Only what's on the logo: F-U! YOU DON'T SAY "F-U" TO YOUR BOSS! THAT'S INSUBORDINATION! GET ME THE UNIVERSAL LOGO NOW, OR I'LL SEND YOU TO SATAN'S KINGDOM! YOU HEAR ME? UNIVERSAL! NOT F-U, H&R BLOCK OR WELLS FARGO!! UNIVERSAL!! NOW!!! [Earth Guy] All right, Microsoft Sam! You want the Universal logo, you got the Universal logo! Here it is! [CRASH!!] Sam? Sam? Are you all right? Speak to me, Sam. That Earth Guy! We'll have to get Sam to the hospital, Anna. And I'll be at his side. I don't want to lose him. I want that dime-a-dozen bum hanged to the nearest tree! Earth Guy, you have a visitor to see you. I'll be glad to see a human face. Earth Guy, it's me. Beulah. Beulah! Am I glad to see you! I've sprung you, Earth Guy. I'll take you home. [Earth Guy] How's Sam? I hope I didn't destroy him when I threw that Universal logo at him. [Beulah] He's doing fine. Anna called me from the hospital to say that Sam's dropping the charges against you if you apologize to him. [Earth Guy] Good. Let's go to the hospital so I can apologize to him. Hey, Earth Guy! You called, Sam? Did we just get a different logo version? I thought they'd look brighter. Good thinking, my boy. Looks like that Earth Guy's jumped the gun. I agree. He sent the "Looney Tunes" title in an ident. Ian Malcolm meets Bugs Bunny. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ease up on the Earth Guy, Anna. He's trying to do good after being sprung from jail. I understand, Sam. Let's give him a chance. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Earth Guy, you've done it again! The caption in the ident! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Methinks I goofed again. Youthinks right, Earth Guy. But I think Beulah's right--- it's very funny! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That joke is so old. Well? Well what? Where's the 2013? I think something's fishy here. I agree with you, LH Michelle, but give the poor boy some slack. Remember, he's trying to make his own way in the world. You tell her, Sam. [Speakonia Male 2] Universal 1914? [Speakonia Male 3] Must be a new kind of birthday present for the younger set. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! All right, Earth Guy! Are you trying to make a buttwipe out of me? You said get the Universal logo in before the captions. That's right, but I meant getting the Universal logo earth in first. Then the captions appearing should read "Universal" and "A Comcast Company." Do you understand me? Roger Wilco. [Sam] I wish he'd call me by my proper name. EARTH GUY!!! You bellowed, Sam? Yes, I bellowed, Earth Guy! Do you work the commercial plug for ice creams? I should say not. Then why the heck did you put a Ben & Jerry's caption up when this is supposed to be Comcast? Microsoft Sam! Please do not be too rough on the Earth Guy! You know I'm the one who bailed him out of jail after he hit you with the logo! If you abuse him, you'll feel my wrath! Understand me? You tell him, Beulah! You keep out of this, you buttwipe! And you'd better stop dating him if you know what's good for you, Fatso! Listen, Sam! The Earth Guy and I love each other and I want you to stop objecting to it! And never call me "Fatso" again! All right, all right! I know when I'm licked. But you and the Earth Guy better toe the line, or else! Remember who's in charge here. Hard Rock Cafe. The casino. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I had another dream about casinos. It wasn't as frightning as the ones before. Bruce Cockburn, 1980. This is not Hard Rock Cafe; this is Comcast. Either you put the Universal logo up, capeesh? [Earth Guy] Picky, picky, picky. Tyson? I'd say Ian Malcolm would bring on the food as a special guest if the chicken haven't ****. Chicken is not dead. The story they planted in the tabloids a couple of years ago was just a hoax. EARTH GUY!!! Oh my goodness, Sam! I don't know who's been giving me the wrong logo, but it's not my f-ing fault, you slave-driving control freak! ONE MORE INSUBORDINATE COMMENT LIKE THAT AND OUT YOU GO!! PERMANENTLY!! YOU HEAR ME? Take it easy, Earth Guy. Sam's just having a bad day. Don't let it bother you. Relax. Keep your cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum is coming on. No no no no no no no no dang dang dang dang crum crum crum crum!! I just got out of jail and now you're threatening to throw me back in!! I don't have to take this bullcrum from buttwipes like you, and if you fire me, I'll kill myself!! You *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***!! [BOOM!!] Are you all right, Earth Guy? I'm okay, Beulah. If you two can put aside this sympathy, we've got a picture to start. I know exactly what to do, Sam. Oh no! No! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! [Bawling] Why? Why? Why? That Earth guy's ruined me! I'm ruined! RUINED!! There, there, Sam. It's not the end of the world. You're right, Anna. This isn't the end of the world... BUT IT'S THE END OF THE EARTH GUY'S CAREER!! EARTH GUY, YO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-OU'RE FIRED! OUT YOU GO! OUT-OUT-OUT-OUT-OUT!! Oh no you don't, Microsoft Sam! You re-hire my boyfriend right now! Never! You stay away from that dime-a-dozen bum forever! You hear me? Stay away from him forever! That's the last straw, Microsoft Sam! You're becoming too much of a tyrant for all of us! [Beulah] Out you go! [ZOOM!] [CRASH!] [Sam] This is mutiny! I'm calling the police! How's Sam doing? Just fine, Anna. He'll be back in a matter of days. I hope he'll be in a good mood when he returns. He will be. Let's get on with the picture. [BUZZER] Uh-oh! The titles are out of order. Looks like we have the rest of the day to ourselves. Who could have screwed up the titles like that? I haven't the foggiest idea, Mike. I think I know who it was. Sam rigged the system so it wouldn't work right until he returns. Let's all take the rest of the day off. [Sam] This is Microsoft Sam with a confession. I've always been a perfectionist. I'm sorry for the way I acted and for trying to break Beulah and the Earth Guy up. The Earth Guy and Beulah are not mutineers, and the Earth Guy is re-hired... ...at least for the time being. Sam? Sam? Has anybody seen Sam? He's lecturing the Earth Guy. Something about Sam's recent psychiatric treatment. I'm all right now. I just get so p--ed off over the least little things. Ready, Earth Guy? Ready, Sam. [Sam] Roll it! Amgen? I can see it now: Ian Malcolm gets the prescription drug. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! What does Amgen have to do with Universal? Nothing that I know of. Eli Lilly. Looks like we're in for a spell of bad weather. He'd better start building his ark and bringing all the pharmacies in. Eli Lilly! Hahahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! If he got a section of a circle, it would be Eli Lilly. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! [Speakonia Male 2] Jannsen Biotech. [Speakonia Male 3] Biotechnology meets Ian Malcolm. Oh noes! It's the V of Doom! Get it outta here! Calm down, Sam. You know the Earth Guy has no intention of scaring you to death. EARTH GUY!!! You bellowed, Sam? Yes, I bellowed, Earth Guy! Are you trying to scare me to death? I'm doing nothing of the kind! He's only human, Sam. Shut up, you buttwipe! [Mike] Stop calling me a buttwipe! You tell him, Mike! Don't defend a guy who's an out-and-out liar, you dummy! [Mary] Stop calling me a dummy! You and Mike accept the truth and be done with it! He's a buttwipe and you're a dummy! You hear me? Accept it! It's the truth! Truth truth truth truth truth! Stay calm, Mary. Sam's just being delusional. Keep your cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum coming on. Eee-yow-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w! Microsoft Sam, you know I'm not a dummy and Mike's not a buttwipe! Stop deluding yourself into thinking it's the truth when it isn't! You hear me? You moron moron moron moron moron moron moron moron!! [BOOM!!] Mary! Are you all right? I hope you're not too shaken up. I'm okay. It's just that Sam's delusions just ticked me off. I'm sorry, Mary, but that's just the way I am. I understand, Sam. Let her recover before you say anything more to her. If you don't mind, Sam, I'd like to get this Universal logo started. Go to it, Earth Guy! Oh noes! Not the B-Backwards N-D Mask of Guo Jiang! No no no no no no no no no no no no noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyes! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Microsoft Sam, I've come for your soul! You'll never take me alive! Never! If you want Sam, you'll have to get me first! Get away, interferer, or you'll get the pain I'm going to give Sam! That's far enough, Mask of Guo Jiang! Now you're going to get yours! Take that! [BOOM!!] Did you see that, Abby? Anna knocked the B-Backwards N-D Mask of Guo Jiang out with laser beams from her eyes! Well, that's one less scary logo to worry about! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! [Anna] You have nothing to worry about, Sam. The Mask will never bother you again. [Sam] That's a relief. Novo Nordisk? Does Novo Nordisk work for Comcast? No. "Lasrevinu?" Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You got Universal spelled backwards! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Uh-oh! Methinks I goofed again. Youthinks right, Earth Guy. Let's try it again. "T-S-A-C-M-O-C?" That Earth Guy's working with mirrors again. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh noes! Not again! Give me another chance, Sam! Well... all right. You talked me into it. Oops! I forgot to not put the words of Looney Tunes! Well, isn't that rich! He got the logo right and the "That's all Folks!" and he finds that Sam forgot to bring the words of Looney Tunes! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Hey Earth Guy, whatta you say we get a bite to eat for lunch? Great idea, Beulah. The tab's on me. [Anna] Beulah has the right idea. It's almost lunch time, Sam. Wanna come with me? [Sam] I'm with you, Anna. [Mike] Are you coming along, Mary? [Mary] Lead the way, Mike. As long as the Earth Guy's buying for all of us. [Earth Guy] Oh bother! Places, everybody! Quiet on the set! We need to get this Universal logo right this time or Mr. Comcast will be furious! I am furious yellow. Not "curious," Earth Guy... "furious." He means Mr. Comcast will be very angry. And you wouldn't like him when he's angry. Because when Mr. Comcast is angry, heads usually roll. I've never seen a person's head roll. I never hope to see one. But you know what's at stake here. You'd rather see one than be one. Hahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Well, I might as well get this Universal ID started up. Is that the usual Universal logo? All I know is that Sam said to bring the logo in here. Yes, but it's the wrong logo. It's supposed to be the one from 2013, not 1927. Look, Sam, a Universal logo is a Universal logo. If you want to get technical... I see your point, Earth Guy. Hahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! What's so dang funny? What you said a while ago. "I am furious yellow!" Hahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! [Announcer] You can be sure... ...if it's Westinghouse. Westinghouse. They used to make great appliances years ago. Speak for yourself, LH Michael. I grew up in a General Electric family myself. EARTH GUY!!! You bellowed, Sam? Yes, I bellowed, Earth Guy! What did I tell you about commerical plugs in an ident? Next time you do that, I'm telling Mr. Comcast on you! Sorry about that. I didn't know he was watching. EARTH GUY, YO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-OU'RE FIRED!!! Fired!? Fired!? You can't do this to me, Sam! I'm filing a wrongful termination lawsuit against you! [Sam] It won't do you any good, Earth Guy! I'll tell Mr. Comcast your ouster is justified! [Sam] Get out and stay out! [ZOOM] [CRASH!] Microsoft Sam! Are you out of what's left of your brains? Bring the Earth Guy back here now! Never! And that's final! Don't you dare upset Beulah, Sam! You know she loves the Earth Guy. Besides, who's going to operate the logo? Anybody can do better than that dime-a-dozen bum! [Speakonia Male 2] Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam. Do you realize you're making Mr. Comcast angry at you for firing the Earth Guy without cause? [Speakonia Male 3] We can't operate the logo as effectively as he can. [Sam] Just do it! [Speakonia Male 3] Sheesh! And shush the sheesh! This isn't Eisai. Mr. Comcast will have a royal fit if he saw this in an ident! Get it right! Microsoft Anna speaking. Who? Yes, he's here. It's for you, Sam. All right, what do you want? Who? Mr. Comcast? Bring back the Earth Guy? But he keeps messing up the Universal ID! Don't you realize he keeps making a buttwipe out of me? What? You wouldn't! Oh, you would. Okay, I'll do it. What did he say, Sam? Mr. Comcast says if I don't re-hire the Earth Guy, he'll come over here and nail me to the logo. So, just bring him back. Yeah, Sam. There's no sense in hating him. They're right, Sam. No sense getting worked up over it. Remain calm. Uh-oh! Tantrum in five, four, three, two, one... NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DANG DANG DANG DANG CRUM CRUM CRUM CRUM! I NEVER GET MY WAY AROUND HERE ANYMORE WITH THE BIG BOSS ON MY BUTT FOR FIRING THE EARTH GUY! WELL I SAY THE EARTH GUY'S A DIME-A-DOZEN BUM! YOU HEAR ME, MR. COMCAST? HE'S A BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM!! [BOOM!!] Sam? Sam? Are you all right? I'm okay. I just had to put my two cents in somehow. [Anna] There, there, Sam. I'll go and get the Earth Guy for you. Do you want to continue trying to get the Universal Pictures logo done right? You bet I do! Oh noes! Not the Klasky-Csupo Robot! He's even worse than that B-Backwards-N-D Mask of Guo Jiang! No no no no no no no no no no no no noooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyes! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Well, here we go again. Time to save Sam from yet another scary logo. Get away, interferer! Sam is mine and you can't have him! Stay away, you idiot! That is an insult! I am not a idiot! For this you're gonna get it! Take that! [BOOM!!] Thanks, Anna. You've saved my life again. You're welcome, Sam. It's a special power I acquired after I was abducted by aliens a few years ago. Anna was abducted by aliens and they gave her the power to fry out scary logos with her eyes? I didn't know that! Earth Guy! You're back! I missed you! I missed you too. Right now I have a job to do. Oops! Methinks I goofed again! Youthinks right, Earth Guy. However, I won't punish you this time because Mr. Comcast would impale me on the logo if I did. Sheesh! If he did that to you, I'd get worse treatment. I don't think so. He's just making sure Sam knows who's in charge. I couldn't have said it better. Mr. Comcast says don't worry about what happened during Sam's tantrum. He'll pay for the damage... ...out of Sam's salary. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Cheapskate! [BUZZER] Oh my goodness! Look at the time! Five minutes before clocking-out time and we still haven't gotten it right. If we don't get the Universal Pictures logo right, Mr. Comcast says he'll take no prisoners! That means we only have one more chance! You said it, Earth Guy! All right! We did it right! And with only two minutes to spare. See, Sam? I told you I'd get it right one of these days. [Anna] I knew we'd do it! I love you, Sam! [Sam] I love you too, Anna! [Beulah] It sure feels good knowing we've finally done something right. [Abby] I agree, Beulah. You know that old saying: "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." [Earth Guy] To think it took us 28 episodes to get the Universal logo right. [Mike] This calls for a celebration. [Mary] I agree. The biggest wrap party in the history of show biz. [Sam] With the Earth Guy buying every round of drinks for the whole gang! Hahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! [Earth Guy] Oh bother!