The Return Quotes

:Dwight: How would I describe myself? Three words. Hard-working, Alpha male. Jackhammer. Merciless. Insatiable.
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:Jim: I miss Dwight. Congratulations, Universe. You win.
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:Kevin: Oh, hello, Oscar. How was your gaycation?
:Oscar: Oh, that's very funny.
:Kevin: Yeah? I thought of it like, two seconds after you left.
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:Andy: Gonna go home. Get my beer on. Get my Lost on. What are you doing later, wanna hang out?
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:Michael: Really? That was very nice of him. We need more attitude like that around the office.
:Andy: Feel ya, dawg.
:Michael: Yeah, do you?
:Andy: Absolutely.
:Michael: What did I say?
:Andy: You said… [Makes gibberish noises]
:Michael: Huh.
:Andy: Which is like, “Right on.” And Pam was like “blah blah blah” and you were like “Yeah, psht.” Nailed it.
:Michael: Oh, no.
:Andy: Oh, no.
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:Michael: Love that Andy, right? Solid fellow. Seems smart enough. Likes me a lot. A lot. Too much. Like a crazy person. A little. Not super crazy… just… there's something about him that creeps me out. I can't really explain it. He's always up in my bidness. Which is ebonics for “being in my face and annoying the bejesus out of me.” I don't understand how someone could have so little self-awareness.
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:Michael: Yes, he did. Have any of you talked to Dwight?
:Stanley: Oh, sure, we talk all the time.
:Michael: Really?
:Stanley: No.
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:Phyllis: Dwight has a big personality and I have a big personality. And a lot of times when two people like that get together it can be explosive.
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:Paris: I don't like him, his giant head, or his beady little eyes. That's all I got to say on the matter.
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:Andy: Where is my FREAKING phone?!
:Jim: You know what? Maybe it's in the ceiling.
:Andy: Maybe you're in the ceiling!
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:Andy: Just listen, I forgot to tell you the plan for this Saturday. You, me, bars, beers, buzzed. Wings. Shots. Drunk. Waitresses, hot. Football – Cornell/Hofstra. Slaughter. Then a quick nap at my place and we'll hit the tiz-own.
:Michael: No. I don't want to do any of that.
:Andy: Duh. Which is why I was just joking about doing that.
:Michael: No, just stop. Stop. Stop doing it. You're going to drive me crazy.
:Andy: Fine. I'll just sit at my desk and be quiet. Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship. [Andy's phone rings] Excuse me. And I'm also sorry that a lot of people here for some reason think it's funny to steal someone's personal property and hide it from them. Here's a little newsflash! It's not funny! In fact, it's pretty freakin' unfunny! Oh, my GOD. [Punches a hole in the wall] That… was an overreaction. Gonna hit the break room. Does anybody want anything? Pam, you good?
:Pam: Yeah.
:Andy: Sure? Okay.
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:Dwight: You did this for me? [Camera pans to “Welcome Back Oscar” sign]
:Michael: Guilty.
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:Michael: It takes a big man to admit his mistake and that's what I did. The important thing is I learned something. I don't want somebody sucking up to me because they think I'm going to help their career. I want them sucking up to me because they genuinely love me. Hmm.
Category:Season 3 quotes