John

John Johnson is a citizen of Darkened Dawn.
He has no life and two kids.thumb|273x273pxHe has the powers to mow grass with a lawnmower. He also has enhanced knowledge of most garden tools, also has the ability to pay taxes ON TIME and VOTE, he also happens to be a loving father. One of his secret abilities is knowing his away around a BBQ. He also cooks a mean burger.
"You want cheese on that hon?" - John Johnson
He reminds me of Jerry from Rick and Morty. Have you ever seen Rick and Morty? It's not a show I think someone like you would understand. It's a show for intellectuals - high-tier thinkers of the modern age. The man behind DOOM, John Romero, the co-producer of Rick and Morty, knows this all too well, and tailored the humor in this series SPECIFICALLY to the top minds of this gene pool. Something you're muddying.