Succulent Rat-Killing Tar

"Succulent Rat-Killing Tar" is the first episode of Wolf 359. It was released on 15 August 2014.
== Synopsis ==
Officer Doug Eiffel, communications officer on board the U.S.S. Hephaestus Station, is willing to go to any lengths to procrastinate his work. Tasked with a pointless hunt for alien intelligence, Eiffel would much rather spend his time complaining about the station’s malfunctioning autopilot system and making sure his stash of contraband cigarettes doesn’t fall into the wrong hands. But when his instruments start picking up a mysterious radio signal from an unidentified source, Eiffel begins to wonder if someone - or something - could be trying to communicate with the Hephaestus. Plus, explosions, dangerous experiments,  non-destructive hair dryers, handy-dandy tips for surviving in outer space, and creative interpretations for the word “coffee.”Official Wolf 359 website, "Season 1 — Wolf 359". Archived.
== Plot summary ==
Doug Eiffel, the Communications Officer on the Hephaestus, is recording his daily log. He is very bored of his mission to search for signs of alien intelligence and instead devotes his efforts to hiding his three remaining packs of contraband cigarettes from Commander Minkowski. He is unable to smoke these cigarettes due to the station's high-oxygen atmosphere. He also comments on a temperature malfunction caused by Hera, the station's AI auto-pilot, and the reclusive nature of Hilbert, who is working on a scientific discovery in his lab.
Doug's boredom is broken when he receives a faint signal from space. Unable to reproduce it, he leaves to fetch a cup of Hilbert's coffee substitute. On the way, he passes Hilbert's lab, which is making strange noises. Minkowski calls on the internal comms because she has found Eiffel's copy of Pryce and Carter in the observation deck, still wrapped. She orders him to read the book, as it is mandatory for all crew, and Eiffel asks Hera to recite it aloud.
Only a few tips into the book, Eiffel's instruments pick up the transmission again. He loses the signal after a few moments, shortly followed by the sound of an explosion from Hilbert's lab. Hilbert apologizes over the comms, insisting that everything is under control, but Hera confirms that the lab is now on fire and the automated fire suppression systems are not working. Eiffel leaves Minkowski deal with the situation alone, and instead attempts to contact the transmission's source. He manages to resolve the signal into "The Entertainer" by Scott Joplin. Eiffel concludes it's an old signal from Earth that has been reflecting through space for decades, and is comforted by the reminder of home.
== External links ==
* Listen on Libsyn
* Recording script
== References ==
Category:Episodes
Category:Season 1