Reflections of the Heart

Sunday, August 17th, 9:37 P.M
Shady Glen Manor
The hallway is dark, a sliver from below a door just barely illuminating the edges of the various works of art lining the space. The muffled sounds of a tv, or a radio, come from beyond a door.
A glimmer of movement in the mirror. An armored foot steps out, gingerly, followed by the rest of the knight. 
Lancelot looks around cautiously, as if to make sure there's nobody else around. She sighs.
“You’re slipping, Sir Lancelot. Now I know something is wrong.” 
One can hear the smile in the tone, even as Rhiannon steps out from the shadow of a nearby doorway with a matching soft smile on her lips. Her eyes, however, hold a hint of concern. It’s unclear if she’d had a perception glamour up or if Elle simply hadn’t noticed her.
“Do you truly wish to continue avoiding me? I won’t force you to talk, but… I’ve missed you.”
“I’m not… I’m not avoiding you, specifically.” Elle replies, guiltily. “I’ve missed you too.” Their voice is soft, with the same clarity it always had but the slightest hint of a quiver to it. 
They look up at their friend, but something in her face - the expression, the glint of her eyes - was too much. They look at the ground instead. “I want to talk to you. I simply worry that this is something you are better off not knowing. You have a right to know, but selfishly… I wish to keep things as they are.”
There’s a long pause. If Elle were to look, they’d see Rhiannon’s face fill with surprise before gaining some guilt of its own. There’s a soft chuckle. “How similar we are sometimes, my knight… I’ve- also been holding something back from you. And the Team. Something I can barely accept myself, so how can I expect anyone else to. I don’t know that I’ll ever be willing to tell everyone, but… Perhaps if we at least share with each other, the burdens cannot be too great for us both? Together?” 
There’s trembling in the sorceress’ voice. Vulnerability. She clearly doesn’t want to be alone any more than Elle does. Stepping closer, Rhiannon takes the knight’s hand in both of hers. “Nothing you say can change what we are.”
Lancelot closes her eyes. Her armour glimmers and shifts, melding into her skin like water absorbed into sand, replaced by jeans and an ill-fitting t shirt. 
The sensation of Rhiannon’s skin on theirs is reassuring, and they gain the confidence to speak. “Even if what I found changes what I am? What our friendship is built on? I want to believe that, but what I learned told me I have far less reason to be confident in my relationships than I thought I did.”
She opens her eyes and places her other hand on top of Rhi’s. “Is that what weighs on your heart as dark as mine? Did the revelations undermine the foundations of everything you know and are? If they are, please tell me of them. I would be happy to bear your burdens as well as mine, for you deserve them not.”
Rhiannon doesn’t answer right away, eyes searching Elle’s face. It hurts to see her friend in so much pain… Instead, she pulls Lancelot along the hallways through the house and into her own room. This felt like it was going to need some privacy. For both of them.
Once inside, Rhiannon crawls up onto her bed and sits cross-legged, pulling over a pillow to hug against her chest. She pats the bed for Elle to take a seat as well before finally sighing and closing her eyes. They open again as she begins to speak, setting the pillow aside.
“Whether or not I deserve my burdens would probably be a topic of hot debate, for they are mine regardless… But. Whatever you found does not change all the time we spent together. All the memories I have of you and with you. All the joys and trials we shared. And that is what our friendship is built on. Regardless of what you discovered, I know that was real and anyone who tries to tell you or I differently had best prepare themselves for the wrath of an Archfey. Or at least- half one.” Rhiannon’s eyes held a steely glint leading up to that last bit before melting into a sheepish grin. “But I know you won’t accept my reassurance until you tell me what’s wrong…”
Elle sits down on the bed next to her, and listens. A slight smile appears at the mention of wrath, though it is quick to vanish again after.
They take a deep breath.
“You must be aware that I have been trying, unsuccessfully, to reopen the mirror by which I made my way here. I have never managed to send even a letter back to whence I came, not a word to let my family know I was still alive, let alone anything stable enough for me to go back. I even asked some of the Team for help, but I’ve removed that notice from the board now. I no longer require it. I know why it did not work.”
“It is not, and never was, a portal. I - this -” They gesture at their chest, at their body, “- never came from anywhere. It has been here for as long as it has existed.”
'''
Rhiannon looks confused. “I’m- not sure I understand… You can’t have come from nowhere, because then how did you get here? There must have been something or someone that-” Her sentence cuts short and her eyes widen as already white skin turns ashen. “Tell me, Elle? Please? Tell me what happened.” There’s a tremble of something in her voice. Fear?
“I met Deirdre, in Avalon. She was… distant. Cold. I had expected some confusion, given our age difference, and the reality of our situations, but it was more than that. She looked at me and saw something wrong.”
“I asked her what it was, and she showed me the truth. I am not a person. I am a construct, a reflection of teenage Lancelot’s hopes and dreams, thoughts and desires, skills and personality given form. Nimue made me from him to be her tool, an immortal Lancelot to never let the cycle repeat.”
She looks at her hand. It seemed real enough in this shape - flesh and blood, tendons and bone - but she imagines what it would look like if revealed the way it was back in that hallway in Avalon. Shards of coloured glass, welded together to make fingers and thumbs, like an artisan of stained glass windows got creative.
She curls it into a fist, knuckles going white.
“Not one of my memories from before last year were made by these hands. Were I to find my way back to the past, I would only be competing with another me, one that is real.”
Initial relief at knowing it’s not her fault shifts to such sadness - not for herself, but for the anguish at what her friend must be feeling. Anguish she’s seen before... Rhiannon throws her arms around Elle, tears burning at her eyes. “Don’t you dare say that! You are a person! I don’t care what you’re made out of. I don’t care whether the memories you started with are your own or someone else’s. I don’t care if you’re one year old or a hundred! You’re still Elle. Lancelot. My! Knight!” Tears are streaming down her face now.
Elle’s mouth falls open at the hug. She hadn’t truly expected a bad reaction - not really, Rhiannon was too nice - but they had at least expected her opinion of them to change. 
“....You truly still think of me as Lancelot?”
“Of course I do…” Rhiannon tightens her hug before pulling away slowly, locking her gaze with Elle’s. “Don’t you remember what I said when we went to Ferinon? When you tried to trade yourself for him. Lancelot or no, you and Uncle Lance are not the same person to me and never have been. You’re each unique to me in the relationships we’ve created together. Does that- does that make sense?”
A weak smile appears on Lancelot’s lips. “...It does. Thank you.” They attempt to wipe away a tear, only to break into a sob as their carefully crafted walls of knight-training and trauma come tumbling down. The sob turns into a wail, and they pull Rhiannon back into a hug as they cry into her shoulders.
“I don’t know what to do anymore, Rhi! Or what to say or what to think! Who am I if I’m not Lancelot, and how can I not be if I feel like I am and I have their memories and feelings and what am I to do with those feelings if they’re not - if I can’t even act on them because they’re not mine? Do I even have a soul? I can think and I can feel and I can love so I feel like I do but how can I if my soul already exists? What do I do now? I feel like my entire life was taken away from me, a past that I remember but never lived and a future I had planned out so clearly but cannot live, people I planned to spend it with that I can’t - and I feel so guilty because - because part of me is relieved that I don’t have to choose anymore…” The feelings explode out of her, and she seems to stop only because she runs out of breath, the words turning back into sobs.
At first Rhiannon is a bit alarmed by the sudden outburst. She’s never seen Elle like this. That quickly fades as she puts her arms back around her friend and simply lets her cry, gently stroking Elle’s hair as her own tears flow silently. When there’s a break, she begins to speak softly.
“I don’t have all the answers for you, though I wish I did… All I have are my answers. You are Lancelot. But you’re your own Lancelot now. You have experiences and memories that Uncle Lance never did. If it was some version of him that came through a mirror last year, don’t you think that Lancelot would be different from Uncle Lance now too? We are who we are because of our experiences- past, present, and future.”
“And you do have a soul. Your soul and nobody else’s. I know because I can feel it - your love, your pain, your strength. All of that is real. Maybe the future is no longer what you had planned, but- welcome to life. Do you think I ever planned to fall in love with an Aquilonian from another dimension?” She gives a little laugh, tinged with bitter sadness. 
“There are still choices to make. Your choices. You can do whatever you like and be whoever you like and you’ll still be Lancelot. But I know it still hurts… And I wish so badly that I could take that away from you… It hurts and it’s hard and confusing and it really sucks. But nothing has changed between us. And I will be with you for whatever you need.”
Unable to answer through the tears, Elle just squeezes into the hug in response. After a second she pulls back, wipes her tears and chuckles as she looks at Rhiannon. “In love, huh? I’m happy for you. It’s obvious he likes you, and who wouldn’t.”
Her face falls. “Wait… is that why you’re upset? He didn’t hurt you, did he? Because I will stab him if he did, you just need to say the word.”
Rhiannon blushes furiously and averts her eyes. “I- yes, I may have fallen for that damned fish prince… Rather completely, I’m afraid. I really hope he still wants me, but- Oh! No, Narsus isn’t why I’m upset. Not exactly... And he didn’t hurt me. It’s- well, I don’t want to switch to my issues if you still need convincing. Especially since some parts may hit closer to home than I was expecting…” Her voice grows quieter as that last sentence fades out. Biting her lip, Rhiannon’s hands tighten around the comforter’s fabric. She can’t get herself to look at Elle as the fear and shame rush into her chest.
Elle closes her eyes and thinks for a moment, then smiles. "I will not claim to be fully convinced; I think I will be grieving for a while. But I am no longer afraid I will lose my best friend, and that will do for now." They lay a hand on Rhiannon's cheek and brush away a tear, gently moving her to look them in the eye. "What's wrong? Is this about Montreal?"
"It- it is… So much happened. Gaius was behind everything- Tidus gave his life to save Narsus- Narsus had to stay behind to become King and they sealed off Montreal until things could be safe and- Elle, all of it was because of me. Not just the Tree. Montreal exists because I -my magic- created it. Created... them? And Gaius wanted to unmake that… Maybe we should have let him? Is it our place to decide? I begged the others not to tell anyone. I still- I still can barely believe it myself." Rhiannon looks at the claddagh ring on her left hand and slowly pulls it off, setting it in her palm. 
"I guess- if you believe someone created by magic isn't a real person or doesn't have a soul, then the man I love isn't real either…" The sad bitter smile returns, gazing down at the ring. "I promised him I'd come back. But I'm afraid I'll go back to find he never loved me at all…"
Elle smiles sadly. “If the situations are as similar as you say, I can assure you… His feelings for you are genuine. Or do you believe my feelings for Deirdre a fabrication? I don’t.
“It is precisely because of those feelings that you were able to persuade me at all. My feelings for people - for Deirdre, for Alex, for GAIA, for you and Gwen and the team - they feel real. If my feelings are real, there must exist something to feel them, so I… If I hadn’t had that…” They shake their head. “What I mean to say is - I know he loves you, because I do, and because I have met him.”
“I can understand Gaius’ reaction somewhat, I think. If he didn’t have anyone to anchor him. But that doesn’t mean he was right.”
Rhiannon nods, slipping the ring back on. "No, I- I know he's real. They're all real. I know he can feel, but- What if my magic made him love me? Gaius said as much… And it's possible isn't it. But- does all this change how you think of me? Because I'm not even sure how to feel about me right now…"
Lancelot looks past Rhiannon, out the window at the dark sky outside. Did they feel different?
“....No. No, it doesn’t change anything. The anger, the betrayal that I feel regarding my own creation at Nimue’s hands…” Elle grasps at her chest. “She meant to make me. She had full control. She could have made me emotionless, with no memories, a blank slate, but… she didn’t, and that was her choice.
“You didn’t choose. You did not even know. How could you be blamed? The crown prince might have, but I am certain there are many among the Aquilonians that love their lives, that would never wish for it to have never been. The situations may be similar, but they are not the same.”
Her face takes on a more serious expression, though not one without compassion, as she moves on. “I do think you are responsible. You may not have intended to make them, but you did, and you owe them to do what you can to make sure that their existence is a peaceful one. But I am unconcerned. You have never been one to shy away from the consequences of your actions. Quite the opposite, you take it all upon yourself, even that which is not your fault, not your responsibility… When the tree grew… That was not solely your doing. You did not create the situation.
I know you will do right by them. Narsus does too.”
Rhiannon closes her eyes, head bowing slightly. Somehow it looks like a great weight has been lifted. Or at least- lessened. "I do want that... I wanted to stay with him, Elle. So badly. But I couldn't do that to everyone here. Not without saying goodbye and making sure- making sure everyone was going to be okay without me. And hopefully, whatever way I find back, I'll be able to open it from both sides. So that I can check in now and then. And maybe people can come visit me as well?" 
She opens her eyes again, glistening with moisture. "I just hope he still wants me. And that the Aquilonians can accept and- forgive me. But you and I are quite the pair, aren't we."
“Well, selfishly, I am very glad you came back.” Elle smiles. “I would have missed you a lot. Let’s make sure that, whatever we both end up doing, we can visit each other often even if we don’t live near each other, okay?”
"I would like that very much." Rhiannon smiles widely, hugging Elle tight once more. "Thank you for telling me- and for letting me tell you. I've been so afraid…"
“Me too. I was scared I would lose my last friendships to this and have nobody left. I didn’t truly think you would reject me, but… even the possibility was so frightening. 
I wish I could be so confident about Gwendolyn… It took so long for her to accept that I was who I said I was that now I am afraid to prove myself wrong. Do you think she’ll…”
"My cousin can be- extremely pigheaded. But she's not stupid. Even if she has trouble with it at first, she'll come around and understand the same thing I do. You're still you. And the two of you will find a way to remain friends. I'm sure of it. And if not, just let me know and I'll come back just to set her straight." Rhiannon gives a little chuckle.
Elle smiles. “I hope you’re right. Gwendolyn and I don’t always see eye to eye on everything, but she is very dear to me in ways I… have difficulty expressing. I am nowhere near fit to be parent to a teen at my age and I never wanted to try, but when I look at her I still feel proud, and I don’t want to lose that because of this.”
“Maybe she will understand. Hopefully she will want to stay friends even if she does not.”
They go quiet for a moment, and then jump up from the bed and turn around, arms behind their back and a more genuine smile on their face. “You know, Rhi… I reckon we have spent ample time comforting each other. I don’t know about you, but I’m hungry. Would you like to get something to eat?”
Rhiannon can't help laughing a bit at her friend's sudden almost playful shift. "Now that you mention it, I feel like I haven't eaten in ages! Actually… how would you feel about making ourselves a little picnic? I have something exciting that I've been meaning to show you all since you got back! Well- somewhere. And now seems as good a time as any."
Hopping off her bed, the sorceress giggles as she rushes out the door. Her white hair streams out behind, bare feet almost noiselessly pattering through the hallway and down the stairs to the kitchen.
“That sounds wonderful. I’ll be right there, I’d just like to change into something that isn’t… this.” Elle replies, looking down at her depression outfit. As Rhi rushes out, she runs down the hall herself, only to return moments later in a sundress and follow after.
Rhiannon smiles brightly at the outfit change. Somehow it already makes Elle look happier. The two are able to quickly put together a rather tasty arrangement, including a thermos full of tea. As they head outside, a tiny white fox jumps from Rhiannon's shoulder to the ground before morphing to the size of a small horse. Caden's many tails sway happily as his mistress hops up on his back and reaches a hand down to help Lancelot do the same. Once settled, he takes off at a run before leaping into the air. They glide across the moonlit night sky, Caden still moving as though on land yet traversing the air instead.
It doesn't take long to realize they're heading for the Zodiac Tree. When they get closer though, Elle would recognize they're not heading for the city. Instead, it's clearly the small hidden entrance to the familiar alcove. Being such a tight squeeze, Caden pops back into his tiny form and takes up a position on Elle's shoulder. Rhiannon leads Elle in to see the alcove once again… but then so much more.
“Oh, wow…” Elle gasps when they walk in. “Rhi, this is beautiful. Did you make this?” They walk up to one of the spiraling staircases, putting a hand to the wood. “Where do they lead?”
Rhiannon laughs, looking a bit sheepish. "I'm- actually not sure if I made it or not. We just came back from Montreal and it was- here. They lead a few different places! I'll give you the grand tour and then you can choose the picnic spot." She takes her friend's hand and shows her around Arborvitae- the Heart, the Spirit, and the Soul. The sorceress describes their purposes to the best of her current knowledge.
Elle follows, listening attentively. They were very glad to be talking normally again, after what felt like months of things coming in between - the fallout of the trips to Montreal and Avalon. It was nice to know that there were still friendships to come back to despite all the stresses of superhero life.
That even knight constructs and fairy sorceresses can just have friends.
Category:B-Verse
Category:Scenes
Category:The Morrígan
Category:Lancelot-Less