Transcripts 2003-12

Transcripts from December 2003 strips.
==December 1==
Panel 1Simons has handcuffs in one hand and the other grabbing the Norman-impostor's arm. Norman is standing in the background, looking around.Simons: Right, I'm arresting yous for assault on an officer, attempted arson and whatever else I think up later! You have a da right to remain... unconscious! You wanna press charges?Impostor: BLAG!Panel 2Close-up of Norman, looking miffed.Norman: Me? For what? Anyway you know what I think of the legal system! Besides it's best I wasn't here if you catch my drift! That fucker might do me for assault himself!Panel 3Simons looks up at Norman, who is still higher than Simons despite squatting down to sneer evilly at him.Simons: True dat! Ow'd you know hes be 'ere anyways?Norman: My mysterious sources!Simons: What myst'ous 'ources?Norman: No, mysterious sources!Simons: Up yours Gates!
==December 5==
Panel 1Simons restrains the impostor, who starts to come to, looking dazed with a "?" Norman is behind them.Simons: Oi! E's coming to! If you dun't want to be officially here Gates you 'etter fuck now! Stupid 'estion but can I trust ya to behave?Panel 2Close-up of Norman smirking.Norman: Yeah you're safe for now! There was going to be an "accidental" gas explosion at the Bennet Homes head office tonight, but I got thinking...Norman: If I did that then their little paper trail would be destroyed! Wouldn't it be nice for you to impound that little lot?Panel 3Close-up of Simons, with the impostor's shoulder just in the panel.Simons: On one hand I'm 'appy that we could nick da lot of dem! On the other it's 'ucking scary ta using rational thought!Norman: If it makes you feel better, I'll torch your car on the way out!Impostor: I want my mum!
==December 8==
Panels 1-3Rough white lines on a solid black background. The scene across all three panels is that of cables? piled up and all leading to the Oracle's workstation, with Chris's urn on top.Caption: Later...Norman (phone): He was there just like you said Chris! Simons showed up too so my doppelganger is now down the police station answering questions. Or trying to work out what Vic is asking him at least."Chris": Yes, I already know Norman. I have reports on his incarceration. He knows nothing, but it is of no consequence. There is more then enough evidence on Bennet Homes' computer network to push charges.Norman (phone): How do you know all this anyway mate?"Chris": I have...connections.
==December 12==
Panel 1Kingston is sitting on the couch, staring blankly into the camera. A large hole in the drywall is visible.Kingston (thinking): Guy Fawkes is almost over and nothing has blown up!Panel 2Same as panel 1, but Kingston leans slightly to the left, as he scratches his crotch with his hand.Kingston (thinking): He's slacking!Panel borderBANG!Panel 3Same as panel 2 but Kingston's hat has exploded from the brim upwards, Kingston's scalp and ears charred and smoking. Kingston slightly frowns.
==December 15==
Panel 1First Advisor Norman Gates glares at the Oracle, who looks away.Gates: This worries me old man! I know it's of little importance to us, but I remember Saddam Hussein being captured after the new year...Oracle: Yes these inconsistencies are... inconvenient, but they are of little consequence! The important events are as history dictates them!Panel 2Close-up of Gates glaring into the camera.I know you tell me that nothing is ever exactly the same twice... but I don't like my past shaken up like this... Gah! We all need a break! I've been thinking too hard and the crew's moral is in the shitter... Time for some Christmas cheer!Panel 3Gates raises an arm in determination, a giddy smile on his faceCaptain, make ready!Oracle: Oh no...Gates: WE'RE GOING ON SHORE LEAVE!Captain: YES ADVISOR!
==December 19==
Panel 1The Oracle on a wall-mounted monitor.Oracle: To all hands! In his infinite wisdom, the First Advisor has granted the entire crew two weeks shore leave over the Winter Solstice derived holidays.Panel 2The Oracle on a video screen on a control panel.Oracle: Please check shuttle departure times and pick up areas at any information point. Also check you have the correct clothes, papers and currency for your selected time period!Panel 3The Oracle on a wall-mounted wide-screen television, with several of the Inglorious crew members cheering in the foreground.Oracle: Oh and be more careful with what you take and leave behind! I don't want archaeologists finding six packs of beer with roman burials again!
==December 22==
Single "Panel"Six Polaroid-style photos with handwritten captions.Photo 1Close-up of a feline crew member wearing an Anarchist baseball cap and sunglasses, grinning against a sunny sky with one cloud, a glowing? desert in the background.Caption: LAS VAGUS 227 BCPhoto 2A lago crew member standing next to a typical snowman but with the carrot "nose" moved to the lower part of the snowman. A confused mammoth (indicated by a "?") is in the background.Caption: A HAPPY ICE AGE SNOWMANPhoto 3Close-up of Miles, cross-eyed, wearing knight's armour, and brandishing a sword. A castle tower is partly visible in the background.Caption: GUNNER MILES GOES MEDIEVALPhoto 4Raccoon crew member sitting cross-legged and giving a thumbs-up on the head of a dead Tyrannosaurus (indicated by X-ed out eyes and tongue sticking out).Caption: ELITE FORCES GAME HUNTINGPhoto 5Close-up of a crew member wearing Roman gladiator armour and brandishing a short sword, sticking out a tongue with a mischievous grin. The colosseum is in the background.Caption: ANCIENT ROME TOURPhoto 6Skunk crew member wearing a ball cap and a modern t-shirt grins and holds up a bill-shaped leaf? to the leg of a dancer, whose ankle is wrapped with a red band, which has several other such leaves tucked into it. Another viewer stares up at the dancer, but it is unclear if this person is also a crew member.Caption: ANCIENT STRIP BAR TOURFooter TextHappy Holidays from the crew of the C.A.S Inglorious
==December 26==
Holiday SpecialAl is holding a shoddily wrapped item, with bits of paper and tape stuck haphazardly about the item and parts of himself.Caption (Al): I might screw up cards, but I'm getting the hang of wrapping presents!
==December 29==
Panel 1A small red bird on a telephone line. 3D? silhouetted houses in the background.Caption: January 2nd 2004Panel 2Same as panel 1, but the bird sings.Bird: ♪Panel 3Same as panel 1, but there is a red splatter and a spray of feathers where the bird used to be.Panel 4Norman is topless and holding a shotgun, eyes slammed shut in pain. The anarchy symbol is on his upper left arm.Norman (thinking): Note to self: When hungover, sound from shotgun hurts head more then sound of bird!
Category:Navigation