WCR (Book)

Genre: Philosophy, Psychology, Politics, History
WCR was a book made in Equestria, by Chase Smith when he was still a teenager. Chase wrote the book as a means of "passing time" as he was enlisted in the Equestrian Army at the time. He had originally planned to keep the book as a personal diary about his thoughts, but he started taking an interest in publishing his journal as an official book after he formed the WCR, he wanted his citizens to understand him and his backstory in greater detail.
== INTRODUCTION ==
Why are certain leaders great and others dreadful? Many from the globe say various things, whether it be that a great leader inspires people, or puts fear into them. A great leader is simply as put; an opinion. There is no great leader; there is only a popular opinion. No matter how people put it, no two people will share the same viewpoint about a different individual; there is someone out there that loves him and someone else that hates him. The term for someone being a hero is the same, many looks up to the so-called hero yet there are always the "villains" seeking out the hero's demise. The title given to someone is an opinion; it always has been. King, President, Prime-Minister, Dictator, all of these titles are written down next to someone's name because it shows the way that one feels about them, yet there could be a third dimension of an element to such a title, there could be an evil king, innocent dictator, and more. But when it all boils down to a brim, titles are just opinions.
== P1 - why opinions spread. ==
A popular opinion that spreads quickly is that people of great power and responsibility are simply "good" or "evil," yet without ever looking into the past of the person they judge. People ignorantly give an opinion without ever looking why the person became "good" or "evil." A majority seem to think that people's personalities were born into them, that they were never given a history or time to become what they are now. Many figures we know, today have experienced things in the past to become what they are defined as today, that is why history is the best subject out of all classes, it teaches us the mistakes of others for us to avoid them. What made that school bully such a bully in the first place? Why does my father hate cats so much? Why are dictators who they are? People seem to ask those types of questions and yet all the time they are always ignoring the obvious right in front of them, simply put it; they have experienced events that have forever adjusted their personality.
Let us say a newborn is the start of a tree chart, as the newborn grows older and older he will experience more things that shifts and shapes him to the person he is today. The school bully was abused at home, and takes his pain out on younger students, the dictator had his family murdered by a person of certain ethnicity and he now hates people with that type of that ethnicity, the father was badly injured by a cat once, and was permanently scared while trying to befriend one. A child raised in a Catholic family will become Catholic because he is taught about the religion and how his parents always told him the ways of Catholicism. A child raised in an Islamic environment will be Islamic from teachings, with the child always being told that Islam is the truth, its just all a matter of monkey see, monkey do. Because children have the most fragile of personality development when they are young, they are the ones most affected by these events, they look up to those older than them and will become like them, it even proves why religion is still on Uonia today. All these events and occurrences change the way we are, no matter what, no matter how you try to deny it, you are what you experienced.
== P2 - why we are here. ==
Ahoy matey! Said the pirate, who was a man deprived of all else and could only resort to pillaging and murder. They say that the last thing that comes into your thoughts is the one that brings either great pleasure or great suffering into your life, that phrase is delicately true, although if one is truly in suffering and pain, the last thing in their mind would be the last time that they were happy. The autonomy of the human mind is truly fascinating, we must come to realize that there are no spirits in our body, but only the cells that make up our brain. The reason why we have come so far in evolution further than any other animal ever could is that of our power to think, if we were never given the power to think, there would be no progress, no prosperity, and just us being bland animals with the intelligence of that of your household pet.
Even as I am writing this down on a page soaked with thoughts and ideas, the brain inside my skull is making thousands if not millions of calculations every millisecond, it would take hundreds of algorithms within your mind to move a finger let alone, yet to use a pencil and to write very specific markings we call "words" would take hundreds of thousands. What fascinates the world is the "power of love," yet the truth is; there is no power. No power can come from nowhere, not even the word we call "love." Love as we call it is in fact only a chemical reaction in your brain to indulge you into mating with a female partner, "love" is but a false lie we continue to believe in, I do not personally think that "love" is a bad thing, and I think it should be embraced with care and carefulness, as "love" is a two-edged knife that could cause suffering to you so much without ever making you bleed a single drop of blood. Love is but a trait of our evolution from apes, and it compels us to make babies to continue the human race. Don't believe the bold words I write? Well, that is fine, this is a book, not a piece of propaganda.
== P3 - why influence traps us. ==
Unless of course, this is a piece of propaganda, perhaps even all books are propaganda. Propaganda, a word used to describe biased or misleading information, so in that case, even books with the tiniest opinion; is considered propaganda? Bias and opinions are more the same than you think, Bias holds a favor of one view and the disfavor of the opposite, while opinions agree with one thing while disagreeing with another. What if we are but in a storybook only for our stories to be told by someone else? Would that mean that all books about the big bang are propaganda? What if gods do not exist? Would that mean religious books are propaganda? My questions may confuse your mind and just take awhile to process, but what it means is that everything we think is true can be proven false, one way or another. However, back to the topic here; propaganda, propaganda is used to change one's views through biased information, so if we consider things into thoughts; every opinion is propaganda.
This especially comes to place when lets say that one friend sends an opinion to another, friend 1 spreads an opinion to friend 2, but before friend 1 is told the opinion from friend 2, friend 1 before-hand disagreed to friend 2's opinion, but because friend 1 never knew that friend 2 had opposing views about the opinion, friend 1 will either agree with friend 2 after hearing his opposing view and join the cause of his opinion, or will just have a nasty argument. It's all whether friend two is easily manipulated, trying to fit in, or just be friendly, or that he is ignorant, headstrong, and independent. However, remember, the more that the opinion becomes standard, the more that people hearing about this popular new opinion will likely agree with it and join it, thus making it more and more attractive. As someone who never believed in God, people who had to deconvert from childhood impress me. You overcame so many odds, the deck has always been stacked against you, yet you prevailed. You were honest with yourself. Don't buy into the idea that figuring out God does not exist is no big deal. It is a big deal. You found your way out of an intricate maze that was brilliantly designed to contain you for a lifetime. Some geniuses could not do what you did.
== P4 - why authority oppresses us. ==
"OBEY."
One emblem has always been engraved into humanity, from the beginning, and until the end. That engraving is war, and war has always been a part of history. No matter how many people die, or how many tragedies move, humanity has yet again failed to learn its mistakes, and will never move on from its last haunting memory. This nation, Bronyland has killed so many ever since a certain dictator rose into power, yet many continue to ignore its misuse of magic for violence, not friendship. Those who are not followers of this pointless show we watch are shunned and stoned, if not shot on sight, in a nation like this we have done nothing but continue to follow the number one rule of oblivion; doing the same thing over and over expecting something different, yet always receiving the same results.
Tell me, reader, are you unsatisfied with this government and bloodshed? Are you truly seeing the friendship in magic now? This is not a nation; this is an organized cult of barbarians who force one idea upon another. For now, we have been living hundreds of years under oppression, albeit I may have only lived 16 years in this nation through the centuries of its existence, I still feel the pain of all who have died under tyrannical rule. The barbarous nations ideologies have pushed me to the limit; it is, in fact, one of the many reasons I am writing this book. Like I have said before, this book is entirely propaganda, I will not sugar-coat it as your local police station does, I will not put a stamp of censorship in any of these words, but I will speak the truth and put a new idea into the fresh minds of Bronyland. Our streets are faceless and are filled with gloom, there are the police that floods our houses, but they are not for our protection but for enforcing our enslavement, the government as we know fill every wall and every window they see with one poster that says it all; "OBEY."
== P5 - why death is certain. ==
"When the last seconds of life appear, fear and death will be everywhere, and only then will you care about life.
Have you heard the good news? Death is sure. Wake up, eat, work, and go on. Get married, have kids, and make more. Grow old, become bold, and die. Is that all to it? No matter how many slaves you control, how many nations you rule, or how many planets you own, it will all just end one day, for you, and for me. There is no escape from death, no matter how you run or hide from him, he always finds you. So don't run from death, embrace it and face it with courage. Death has taken billions before, whether it be slowly or quickly, death will take you and me as well. So we all know the truth here, you will die along with everyone else who has ever fallen. You will join the hordes of the dead, and you will become one of them, it won't be like in the movies where you will die a glorious death, because when you die, you cannot see your end, you will be forgotten as time passes on, no matter how influential your death may be, you will just be on a page on a history book, and that is it. The religious will say things that will make you feel nice and cozy before you die, "you'll live on in heaven" they say, "God will have a seat for you in heaven", some even claim that there is no death and that you are just going through a natural cycle of life, but those people are just friendly, not honest. Because you really will die, and you will be no more, you cannot even care anymore, and neither can you feel anymore. No pain, no smell, no touch, no emotion, you are dead; you are nothing. You cannot even see anything, you are just simply dead, and no matter how much you attempt to deny it; you are dead. Death can happen at any second of the way, sometimes it can be avoided, but others it cannot. People will die suddenly, whether it be a murder or an accident, they die. 
You will live and become old enough so that when you finally have enough life, death will replace it if assuming nothing else kills you first. Sometimes those who are close to you will die, and it will put pain into your heart, but remember that no matter what you do; they will be dead. Even if you create a duplicate of that person, it would be even more depressing, because no matter what you think or say or feel, it will only be a false image of the person you once knew, it is not the person you loved for so long, because the person you really loved is dead. That is why you should value life; life is a blessing and curse for us, it allows us to feel what the dead cannot, that is why we are alive. Therefore, live life as you want it to be, and make out the most while you can, because one day the clock will stop ticking, the birds will stop chirping, the people will stop walking, and you will come to realize in your final breath; Life is only good because death ends it.
== P6 - why we exist. ==
When you save a single man's life, you might think it is not that much of a big deal after awhile, but remember; to save a man's life is to save his entire world. It might not be your world or someone's world you care about, and maybe you think "Jeez, it's just a man's life," but what a single man's life contains has more words that no book could ever provide. That is why when people speak to me or mention about war, I often envision a rain of large books that are ablaze falling from the sky; each book has a different cover, size, and title. The titles imprinted on those books are merely names, and the words on the last page of the book contain their final words. Sometimes we will never be able to read those burning books, or maybe others who have already read those books will tell tales about it. That is why war is hell, it not only brings suffering to all, but it also destroys the most beautiful book possible; The Book of Life. The beauty of life comes not from its size or name, but from its ability to never be truly understood by anyone else. Another important factor that makes life "life" is memory. 
One year ago, every single part of you had changed, except for your mind. Your mind will always make you "you," your body is merely a shell that your mind controls, albeit its much more complicated than that. You are not the same person you were 5 minutes ago, time and memory go hand in hand, you are much more different every second of the way you live your life. Each passing day you are turning into someone else, and though it may seem uncomfortable, that someone else is merely a future self of you. So don't give up just because you could not do something in the past, try again because yourself long ago let you down. Every passing moment is an opportunity, don't let it go to waste, even now if you perform a particular sequence of events, you could become more powerful than any man in the world. So take advantage of your past and time, because you must remember; You are never obligated to be the person you were five minutes ago. You and yourself five minutes ago are different people; your past is your villain, always be better than it. Your goal in your breathing life is always to be superior to your past. So fight the path you choose to fight and reach all the way to the end of it, make your greatest potential come alive and genuine, not false and dead because, in order to reach your most enormous potential, thou must defeat thy greatest fears.
== P7 - why realism is important. ==
No genre can ever defeat the one we call non-fiction. History, the most tragic and beautiful history on all of Uonia. The tales of history range from suffering to glory, the flames of past can never be extinguished because it has already occurred, history is the greatest genre because it really did happen. The people out there who fought and loved have all been a part of history, fiction and fantasy may never beat history because it never actually did happen. History puts a feeling no other genre can, it puts a sense of truth in us and tells us the world as it really is. Optimists and Pessimists, the two leading groups of the world. One believes there is always darkness, the other believes there is always a brightness. What do I think? There is none; I only believe that there are fools who argue with each other, and fools who agree with one another.
I do ponder at times on why we continue to wonder what is out there in space, when we haven't found what is within ourselves, our dreams, our thoughts, and our very bodies have more mysteries that anything could ever have, ever the unknown itself could not compare to ourselves, because out there; we are the unknown. Our dreams are psychotic messages, our most inner thoughts compressed into an image, the more clear your idea, the louder the mind is trying to tell you something. If you dream about violently killing someone, you are most likely a psychopath, a ticking time bomb waiting to snap. What many people often say is that dreams are spiritual messages from God, God? Are you crazy? How could a non-existent old guy in the sky possibly control every muscle and neuron in your brain to possibly make you have an image like that? The funnier thing is, I heard that from a local priest at the church, pathetic. God does not exist, God did not save me from my pain and torture, and God will not be there for me, you, or anyone in the future. Sleep well tonight knowing that a hell does not await you, and neither does a heaven.
== P8 - why we hate and change. ==
Hate cannot live without hate. That has been the simple law of humanity since the beginning of our existence and has always made humans different. People become ignorant and jump quickly to conclusions, why are there different churches and sections among religion? Because they decided to bring politics into religion, politics divide us; race assumes what we are not, and religion makes us bitter. The gap between humans have been large for too long, we think too much and feel too little. As long as there are individuals that have a goal of spreading hate, hate will never die, because hate is just as contagious as love is.   If we continue to misunderstand one another and continue to judge one majority by one minority, then we will never change as Human Beings. There are no good men in war, no. There is only men with duties.
What makes us different from any other organism on the planet, is our ability to learn and change, our ability to influence and our ability to evolve. We are the most complicated of our kind, one that the Megalodon, with all of it's raw power and strength, can even compare too. People often ask me, what is the meaning of life? The meaning of life is to do as much as you can before you perish. If your life was uninspired, inactive, and static; then you truly had a depressing life. Your final thoughts won't be about the regret of your actions; it will be the regret of any action you didn't do. Get out there and make a difference, big or bad, because you should not die as the average human, and neither should you feel like an average person. We all change the world in our own unique ways.
== P9 - why we define countries. ==
What defines a country? The mistakes it has made in the past? Or the greatness in the achievements it has had? Countries, they resemble order among a group of people, and they host their own laws and governments. A country, is a country, because it is recognized by its own people, without anyone to recognize it, it would not be a "country". This includes other countries as well. A country unites its own people, its workers, businessmen, and warriors all together to fight for one common cause. A country is a union of people inside of its borders, and a country always seeks its own set of goals. In the end, to be a country is to be recognized, for example, if all countries of the world were to suddenly recognize your backyard as a country, it would technically officially be a country. While being a country requires recognition, achieving greatness in your country is a different story. It does not matter how much your nation has struggled throughout its history, or its mistakes that it has made in the past. For greatness comes not from its flawless quality, it comes from its ability to learn from its own mistakes, and to improve upon itself. No matter how much land is lost to another, or how much men is lost in a conflict, to achieve a great country, and a great leader, it must always improve from its own mistakes, and make improvements of what can be improved. The right of the political spectrum always tend to think conservatively, they keep their own old outdated ideals from hundreds of years ago, never seeking the possibility of an alternate path, for that alternate path could lead your country to success. They tend to have an arrogant and close-minded way of thought, static towards what could finally see change. No country will ever achieve greatness without change, especially when the one step to change is fact-based and proven to benefit the nation. And that is why the world must always progress, it must leap forward challenges and its own flaws in order to become better. No matter what, a great country is one that learns, it is one that changes, and it is one that never repeats its mistakes from its past.
== P10 - why imperfection is perfect. ==
Funnily enough. People can be compared to countries, or more specifically, humans in general. It is in our nature as humans to make mistakes, but it is up to us whether or not we learn from them. The nature of humanity is interesting, I believe if everyone in the world was a psychologist, we would all forgive one another extremely easily. People often ask me, is it really that much fun to poke your friends or sometimes even argue? To that, I say absolutely, for one problem that we often come across is that no matter what, people will only form their opinion on present tense. For example, lets ask two professional teams, one that lost and the other won, "how was the game?". The winners might say that it was the greatest time that they ever had, even if they had many greater times before that. The losers, on the other hand, develop hopelessness, stress, and regret. Asking the losers, you would get answers such as "I am never playing this again", or "This game was unfair from the start.". That is an example, of my term 'judging present tense.'. The losers; even though they had many great times before with the game and has said in the past that the game was great, the losers only forms a negative opinion because of what it just did. It overlooks any past developments it had with the game, dismisses it subconsciously, and lets anger assume control. This form of quick thinking, is especially destructive for friendships, it causes best friends who have had developments for years to separate in only a few seconds. It causes decisions that people may later on regret, no matter how long they try to wait. Judging present tense would be greedily picking out one bad moment from the others. In order to truly see each other as individuals, we can acknowledge of the bad times we have, but we must also bring forth the good, for this is the white and black of humanity, the perfect balance that is imperfection. Time is the healer and the killer, it bonds people together quickly and can tear them apart three times the speed, so don't let years go to waste from one hasty decision. Letting out negative emotions is good for the mind, for keeping too much inside will eventually clog your mind and well being. Remember that while anger is temporary, it sure will cause you to make long-term decisions.
== P11 - why friends betray you. ==
I used to be attached to my friends at all time, during church. Even if they had wronged me, or vice versa, I would always be with them. I would often act tough around them, and they would tease me so. I had friends that would stay with me for years, and some I would lose touch within months. But ever since joining the Equestrian Defense Forces, they had left me behind. They became cold towards me. They would often steal my belongings, or throw rocks at me in order to grab my attention. Throughout those teenage years, I cried. I cried and cried, and hid those feelings of sadness away from my family. Until one day my mother, Maria, had come to check up on me while I was sleeping, and saw that I had tears flowing from my eyes. She heard that I had been sobbing, and came to my comfort. I told her that because of the conscription I received, I had lost everything. My closest friends were now harassing me endlessly, and I could not do anything. She told me, that she must remember about who I revolved around. She told me that she was my heart, Charlotte was my spirit, and that my friends were clothing. "Clothing, at any given moment, can be changed to accommodate you," she said. "One day, you will outgrow them, and from that, you will learn to wear newer ones. That is the meaning of life, Chase, you can always find new friends, but your family will truly be the ones to always be there for you.". I embraced her tightly, feeling sorrow dissipate, finally shrinking into warmth. At that moment, I felt alive more than ever. I felt the darkness and the brightness of emotions at the same time. I learned on how to move on, and that change comes to everyone. At that moment, I remembered why I missed her and Maria.
== P12 - why the world left me. ==
It's been awhile now since I've written in this journal, about a year has passed and much in my life has happened. I've realized many things, some I had wish to realize sooner. The lies I have told and the mistakes that I made are just another brick in the wall, yet here I am still contemplating if the mistakes I made were justified. There are people in my life that changed me, meeting them was an honor and a lucky coincidence. The beginning of the exchange of words from two people can lead to a lifelong conversation, so I now feel as if my life had become empty due to that very reason; meeting people. Women whom could've loved me, family who could've cared more for me, friends who would provided me with company. These qualities in life are all that I envy of other peoples in life, because I was never offered the chance to meet such people. My childhood had compromised primarily of isolation from others, and as such explains the feelings of emptiness I held within myself. Why does my chest ache at the thought of others leaving me behind? I finally knew the reason. It's because the world itself had shown me that it had everything, and I had nothing. But I digress, it wasn't the fact that people were much more endearing, it was the fact that I had nobody to endear to. I wish that I had time to fix my mistakes. I wish that I knew what would happen if things kept going like this. I wish the world loved me.
I'm sorry for my rambling, reader.
== P13 - why reality doesn't care. ==
Hello world, is has been about four months since my last entry to this journal. As of today, I am now eighteen. I bid farewell to those back in the homeland military, telling them my plans of becoming reconnaissance to guard the south-west border on the edge of the Palos river. We're definitely near Kalia, the people here wear strange clothing and speak a language I cannot understand, but I digress, the inn here is actually quite comfortable. But I wanted to make a point about that actually, comfort. The word itself is unjust, for someones comfort comes at another suffering, the world is like that. -- Unruly.
Reality bends in whatever the hell direction it wants, it doesn't care if you want it to bend in a certain direction or not, it will bend wherever and whenever it wants. No matter how much you kick and scream or plead, reality glances you as you struggle in vain. Forgive me if this sounds dark reader, I've been out of touch with reality recently. It seems like this world seems to favor some more than others, hell, some people are born into fortune and glory, while others take their every breath in agony. Yes. Humans truly are the worst creatures.
We exploit the species of animals, conquer them and drive them to the brink of extinction. We see them as entities of cloth and meat, ignoring their evident emotions, hence why we use the word "animal" as an insult. Humans and the world alike love to strike down those whom worked hard for their fortunes as well, rulers of peaceful kingdoms, men with different views, those who protest against unjustified actions -- they are all struck down like animals. Sometimes the world will even take the good things from good people and give them to the villain. The world just works like that. It does not discriminate. The world could not care if you were Equestrian, Kalian, or any of the races beyond our realm; we are all treated like wild animals when it comes to the world, for the world does not feel pain, empathy, or emotion -- the world feels nothing. It only exists for the sake of existence.
... Oh, excuse me reader, my comrades have called me to feast.
== P14 - why i stopped caring. ==
I can't sleep. It's late into the night and probably an hour until the sun rises, and I just can't close my eyes. It's not because I am sad, happy, or that thoughts are keeping me awake. It's because how empty I am. The pleasures in life have simply faded in a peculiar fashion, I can't put a finger on it. A state of long melancholy has overcome me and I am writing this like a zombie, I don't know what I'm doing awake but for some reason I feel the need to write down what I am feeling -- nothingness. Strange, I am happy that I have found new comrades after moving away from Canterlot, yet they feel so distant compared to the ones I had at home. I almost want to say I stopped caring, but it just feels weird. I feel like I've been betrayed. Not just betrayed, but like I've been betrayed many times before... Then again I was betrayed many times before. How cruel. I'm going to try to sleep now.
== p15 - why we're not in control of ourselves, a complain to bad authors. ==
We are not in control. That's not a saying to invoke panic or anything alike, I am saying this because people do bad things all the time and well, they aren't in control in a deeper level. For the people who go out and strive for goodness in life, I respect you for the feelings of morality and compassion you hold within yourself. But for the people who do bad things, I can't blame them. This could range from anything -- murder, betrayal, subjugation; all of these stem from extremely deep emotions and unless we literally wear the skin of these people and lived their entire lives second by second -- we could not understand them to the point of why they did what they did. Of course, that does not excuse for their actions and neither does it call for a forgiveness upon all unmoral actions, I am simply saying that anyone who does what they do -- do it for a reason. People become privileged for a reason, people become inhumane for a reason and many more lose the sense that other people's feelings matter for a reason. These people become selfish not because they simply are selfish, but because of some deep roots within their life that have been brewing for probably years. That's what I hate about some literature, the villain is always bad for the sake of being bad, yet why do you cheap down morality and 'badness' in humanity like that? Why simplify our deep and emotional roots of human hearts -- the hatred which have brewed for years and could tell a dozen stories -- why simply nail and compress them down to nothing but two dimensional characters that only kill for the sake of killing, steal for the sake of stealing and bully for the sake of bullying?
A message to all authors of literature who need a tip -- don't god damn compress human emotions into something as simple as doing something for the sake of doing, because when you or someone else compress thousands of neurons and emotional stigma into something as simple as -- doing it for the sake of doing it, you are creating crap-cut characters just to progress the plot-line.
== p16 - why feelings are temporary and why acceptance is important. ==
Acceptance is a hard thing to realize but when it comes, you still feel the pain in your heart but at the same time you feel as if all the good moments were for something. Trust me, I couldn't accept something for awhile until I just let time heal the wound, because time heals all wounds. Understand that you yourself can manipulate your emotions and it doesn't matter how or what you do to manipulate it into feeling better, you have to do it. Binging on food, entertaining yourself, or socializing with your friends -- these are all something that helped me feel better and forget the wicked past. It helped me stay motivated in life and helped me push forward. What I'm getting at here is that if you ever feel like not doing something because something or many things bother you, sometimes it is better to just take your mind off. You need to set a period of yourself being upset and feeling better, and when the time comes of you feeling better arrives, you can finally return to the responsibilities in your life with a confident smile. Yes you heard me right, I know the other passages in my book are not often encouraging or are sometimes even downright depressing, but I share every moment of inspiration and emotion in my life and this is one of the chronicles I have experienced, so I want to share with each and every one of you that it's possible to feel better to help yourself. Reader, to be frank I am quite anxious. Being far from home near another kingdom has me worked up and the hole that was created within me from losing contact with all my friends from home has put me down many times. But that aching is temporary, like all pain is. You can let time heal you, but it's up to you if you want to help time with the healing. So I call this upon every human on the world who is feeling emotional pain -- remember in your darkest hour that the brightest day will come. You will feel better and eventually move on.
You don't even have to move fast towards feeling better. You just have to keep moving. If you can't fly, then you run. If you can't run, then you walk. If you can't walk, then you crawl. It doesn't matter how slow you are moving, just keep moving forward.
== p17 - why my youth is gone. ==
Hello reader, it's been three weeks since I have written. I'm currently encamped near the border to Kalia. Things have been interesting and I've met new comrades whom I do not talk to much. Rumors have spread amuck that our reconnaissance have discovered Kalian barracks built for the purpose of an invasion, which I find a little hard to believe, but it's good to be skeptical. Any who, my youth is gone. Strange right? I've only turned eighteen, what many consider to be the prime number of a young man's age, yet it is not the number of years I have lived for, it is the feeling of it slipping from me, almost as if my innocence to this world has been wiped clean. Don't get me wrong, I may still be naive in many fields of studies and subjects, but this feeling came to me a few days ago. My youth is gone, not because I've turned eighteen, but it's simply because I can't feel young. The fresh feeling of absolute ignorance to your country, the friends you've met waving hello, the time you spent with them and your family -- these are all things that no longer exist. Not that it's a bad thing. Everyone grows old one way or another, some of us just grow old a little bit faster. My youth has not been ripped out of me, but slowly and delicately plucked like a flower in a field. I bear not the scars of war, but the scars of the mind. I've known too much. Perhaps it is a curse to have knowledge. Do not fret reader, I am not boasting my intelligence, in fact I may even not want such information in my head. But frankly, I am glad with who I became and what I overcame. Become and overcome as they said back in Canterlot.
== p18 - why free will is a myth. ==
Free will is a myth. We're all of something much, much more grand. Perhaps 'grand' is the wrong word, 'cynical' fits it better. You see reader, we are not ourselves. There are possibly fifty different versions of you, all with different pasts, leading to different choices, leading to different personalities and outcomes. So, what really makes you -- you? Nothing. You are controlled by this world reader, and so am I. Let's take an example. I lied a lot to my friends face and guess what? He begun lying a lot too. And here's the thing, his lying habit that I passed down may even extend to his children, as they pick up on his lying. Human sociology and norms have all come from this -- the stemming down of ideals. Think about it. Why the hell do we wear clothing? Clothing can tamper with our body's heating regulation, metabolism, mind, etc. Sure if its cold, it would make sense, but other then the fact that it hides us from being naked, why are we even embarrassed at the thought of being naked in the first place? Our ancestors were naked, so why aren't we? Silly analogy, I know, but just think about it for a moment. What's the point of clothes? But uh, I like my clothes, thank you very much. We humans have built these social constructs over the millenniums, slowly shifting our society into today. The club became the sword, and so the bow became the rifle. Actually, that's just basic innovation of technology, we humans innovate our society and generate new ideals as well, such as what I said before -- clothing being an essential thing and nakedness being shunned upon. Humans love change. To deny change is to seek doom. So in the end, our choices today do matter not because it'll directly impact society, but because we'll create these new social ideals and norms by passing down our habits, traits, and personalities. I got my anger issues from my parents, my lying habits from my brother, and now I have trust issues because I've been betrayed. Whoops. Don't worry about me though reader, I've been through worse in fact, I shall overcome. My newfound comrades are enough for me to appreciate.
== p19 - why entropy is inevitable ==
Entropy is inevitable. All things have a beginning and an end, there are also the beginning of the ends and the ending of the beginning. As our astrologists have found out, there are stars out there. We are not alone on Uonia. Entities, gigantic entities of gas and rock lay beyond our comprehension and terrifyingly enough -- we have found that they were created not by God, but by nature. One day, when all the stars have collapsed, when all the black holes have consumed everything and they themselves decay over quadrillions of years, and when the last explosions they emit are the finale of light across the universe, time will become meaningless and the universe itself never changes again. As we discover more about space, I become increasingly terrified at how miniature our lifespans are compared to that of the universe and its future. Yes, some of our goals are to live to see our grandkids, but those who seek something greater shall surely be disappointed. Here I stand upon Equestria, which will one day cease to exist, on Proventius, which will one day sink to the sea, on Uonia, which will one day be consumed by our sun, on our galaxy, which will one day breathe its last breath of light, upon this cluster, which will one day be consumed by black holes, upon those black holes, which will one day fade away until all matter reaches absolute zero.
Why do we fight over the most trivial, minuscule aspects of life when space is our final frontier? When our conflicts over tiny pieces of land and geopolitics lead us into nothing? Humans are truly strange.
== p20 - why music is pure, unfiltered emotion ==
What cannot be put into words, yet refuses to be silent -- is music. Four years ago was not a very nice time of my life. As me and my little sister rushed to tend to our mother, my soon-to-be born sibling was ready for birth, and as my mother tried her best to not ricochet in pain, she succeeded in not going into shock from it, yet as my new sibling had been born, she had also died in that very same moment. A miscarriage had transpired before my very eyes. I was confused at first, I knew that when babies were born, they cried as a sign of good health as their breathing was functioning and so was their vocal cords. Yet when my sibling was plucked from the cradle of life, its body was loose, as if all the strength had immediately left its body as soon as it felt daylight touch its skin for the first time. Days of silence and passive sorrow days followed, as I could not believe what had just happened. "Why?" I pondered, "Why is it that this world is so cruel, that some are not even given a chance to live meaningful lives?". It hit me at that moment that reality was not what my books of fantasy and adventure had told me. This part of my life really begun shifting the way I saw life. I shed tears across my cheek, envisioning what it could've been like for a second sibling. My little sister and my mother comforted me in those times of mourning, telling me that nothing could've been done. It was the most helpless I've ever felt in my life. Yet as I laid my aching body against the tree in my yard, I looked up towards the autumn leaves falling as the temperature dropped. Perhaps the leaves falling, only to die, resembled them attempting to fly, yet only for them to touch the earth. Whatever symbolism it held, it was not the leaves and silent nature that touched me, it was music I heard from a distance. It was slightly muffled, leaving out important tunes that were audible, yet it was serene. Although it was quiet, it was fittingly somber, the strings slow and tucked as they were clearly fit for a funeral. The piano that accompanied the piece only made the song much more bitter, it was played at a slow tune, calm and slightly unsettling, yet surreal in its sadness. Up and down the melody went, slowly rising and falling like waves upon a beach, I closed my eyes and fell asleep nearly instantly, the sound of the melody still echoing within my dreams. As I woke up, I felt as if I was no longer sad, yet not happy either. The sun had set, leaving the moon against the sky, the music was gone, leaving silence in its wake, the leaves had stopped falling, meaning the gentle wind was n longer there, and as the town was dead quiet, it meant that everyone was off to rest. Alone in the dimly lit yard I sat there, and that melody rung into my head gently. To this day, it still rings within my head. To this day, that melody still carries the emotions of what I experienced.
== p21 - why history is now and forever ==
The passage of time is a frail thing. Sometimes I look up upon the sky, watching the clouds and wonder what sights they've seen from all the way up there, how many miles they have traveled and how much beauty they've gone through. The reason I speak of clouds is because of the fleeting moment they are in, just like all of our lives. The same can be applied to every being, reality is a concept that we are constantly digging, and as time goes by, we begin to see life in a more deeper meaning. Looking past all my previous entries to this journal is a surreal passage of time. I saw myself mature through my own words and embraced every little stigma that ran my life at the time. Each page is a 'present', literally and not literally. "Present" as in the current self at the time: my emotions, thoughts, problems and joys. But also "present" as a gift to any future "selves". The most beautiful part of it all, is that as I read through all my words, whether they be from years or months ago, I understand them all from the bottom of my heart. I understand myself because I share the same upbringing as myself. Sometimes, the only person that can truly understand you is yourself. I always had this odd overbearing compassion for others, to the point where it would drive negative consequences to myself. I always cared about others, but never about myself. But a few months ago, I had a dream where a woman had submerged me into water, and although we were both underwater, I was breathing just fine. As we submerged deeper, the light from the surface had faded and our surroundings had become dark. She told me words that I had never heard before in my life; "It's okay to be selfish". And then I woke up. Not much about myself changed at first, but weeks after that dream, I never forgot the words that woman told me. As I realize my history, I felt that a dramatic page has been turned within my life. Throughout all my life, I was worried about the feelings of others, even if they did not reciprocate the same gesture. I know now that while compassion and forgiveness are qualities that every human should have, a human must stick up for themselves. A human must fight for their ideals as an individual. A human must not apologize for mistakes they have not made. Humans must think of the "history" they will create within each of their own actions. Nihilism is real, all of our actions and words are meaningless in the very end, but so long as I live in the present, I will always stand by and improve the philosophy I hold. Whether it be stubbornness or will, I treasure my philosophy because of its history, I treasure my philosophy because it was given form by all of my past experiences and emotions--Because of how long it took to create up until this point. History is now and forever, history is a book constantly being written--and I shall never burn the pages I have been blessed with.
== p22 - why love is mistaken ==
I think about it, a lot--what it means to be loved. What people's vision of 'true love' is and their dream of achieving that one true soulmate. Through my coming years, I have fallen deeper into a pitiful state of deep rejection for love. Not rejection for love that others experience, but love that I myself feel. If there truly is a world out there built for two people, I am forever stuck in a world built for one. I do not blame anyone but myself from this result. The controller of my fate--myself--has leaded me here through his unfortunate and unsavory upbringings, he has dragged me here against my will without me even realizing. That is fine. I am here and doubt I will ever leave. As Scarlet Day approaches in a week, I can once again do little but feel bitterly about others, helpless in the state I am in. My circumstances disappoint me. I disappoint me.
I find it interesting--the way humans portray love in a cheesy and heart-throbbing fashion. Roses, hearts, and symbols of affection. Love, especially true love, is quite a treasure. Some will find love, but not true love. But love is ultimately commonly mistaken for convenience. Some women marry men finding it convenient that they have a caretaker, and not because they are interested in them, while some men marry women for the convenience of sex. While neither of these reasonings are necessarily bad, they just kill the idea of true love to begin with. The true love that is portrayed in stories, fairy tales, and literature so commonly--the one we all crave at the end of the day. If one finds love and the love is suddenly torn from them, we call it heartbreak. But what do we call someone who has never had any love in the first place? The loveless? Is there anyone to love the loveless? While I do not declare myself loveless, I pronounce myself as someone even the loveless cannot love. I have failed to reveal my weaknesses--to be vulnerable to someone.
I don't crave convenience. I don't crave sex or money. I don't crave carnal desires of greed and primitive feelings. I only crave someone to smile at me. I only want someone to read through my cover.
I only want one less person disappointed in me.
== p23 - why i wonder ==
I actually think my mindset is behind in a lot of ways. I'm capable mentally and physically, but completely immature emotionally. But most of all, I wonder about a lot of things. I wonder if my family loves me. I wonder if they're proud of me--because if I were them, I wouldn't be proud of Chase. Do my friends like me, or could I die and they would feel sad, until said sad feelings fade into forget in a few days.
I wonder, I'm sad so often that I think I might actually enjoy being sad. I don't take pleasure in being sad, nobody does, but perhaps when I'm all alone and brooding is when I am truly myself. Does my personality subconsciously shift from a state of melancholy to that of energetic joy when I am in the company of others? And that perhaps it is just a decoy until I am left alone again? I am starting to think so. I am rambling again. Then again, this entire scrap is for me to output my raw rambles in the first place.
I'll gladly assume everyone sees all the negatives in me, maybe it'll make me a better person.
== p24 - why being alone hurts ==
The stinging feeling. It haunts me. I am a lonely person who appreciates company in any form, whether through that of an animal or another person. I hate being alone. I hate being left alone with my thoughts. So much that I would rather have others hurt me rather than having my own thoughts hurt me. There is something strange about that--that at the end of the day I will always end up alone one way or another. It hurts to be alone, it stings to be alone, and when the last person I am with leaves me, the stinging returns. Why am I so desperate to fill a hole that's been made by a bad childhood? Why do I expect myself to always be near others? Either way, I suppose being alone is a painful freedom.
Category:Stories, Lore, and Documents