PILOT

== Description ==
Harper Hallo, a law student in the city of Megalopolis, starts their new job at the city's most super law firm!
== Show Notes ==
=== CAST ===
in order of appearance
* Narrator - Jonny Sims
* LOIS - Rebecca Hansson
* Harper Hallo - Mornal 
* Bonnie Firestein - Marion Toro
* Colette Castillo - Erin Lundquist
* Draco Lynx - Axandre Oge
* Mark Ment/Duperman - Brandon Jenkins
* Reporter (Narrator) - Jonny Sims
* Roose Cayne - Dan Kovel
* Arthur Blane - Jeff Manzolli
* Hazel Hallo - Ty Coker
* The Halo - Lindsay Zana
=== Show Credits ===
Story by Hannah Levin
Script by Hannah Levin
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== TRANSCRIPT ==
Cold Open
Setting: Lobby of the offices of Smith et. al
NARRATOR
It's another exciting day in the city of Megalopolis; where the superheroes save the day and the lawyers save the superheroes!
And today is a very special day! The first day of Harper Hallo’s new summer associate job with the law firm of Smith, Schmied, Smets, and Smidt!
LOIS
Harper Halo? [pronounced hay-low, like halo]
HARPER
Hallo [pronounced Ha-low], but yes, that’s me!
LOIS
This way, please.
[Footsteps, followed by a door opening and closing, then more footsteps]
You have your I-9 and your W-4?
HARPER
Yes, here.
[Sound of papers being handed over, then a printer-like whirring]
LOIS
Digitized. Please walk through the door to your left for your employee photograph.
HARPER
Okay!
[More footsteps, as Harper speaks]
Oh, this is so exciting. I can’t believe I’m finally here. You know this is my first job? Well, not my first job, I used to work at an ice cream stand. But my first job in law! I’m so ready to jump in and make a - (difference)
LOIS
Yes, very exciting. Look at the camera, please.
HARPER
Okay. Oh, wait, no, I have to -
[The sound of a flash, followed by a sneeze and the sound of a printer whirring.]
Oh, no.
LOIS
You may collect your ID badge. Congratulations, Mx. Hallo. It seems you are officially an employee. Welcome to Smith, Smed, De Smits, and Smythe.
[THEME SONG]
Scene 1
Setting: Throughout the building as LOIS gives a tour.
HARPER
So, um, is there any way I can retake this picture?
LOIS
Yes.
HARPER
Oh, great!
LOIS
Please proceed across the hall.
HARPER
But the camera’s here?
LOIS
Mx. Hallo, I have allotted seventeen minutes for this tour. You will have to retake the photograph later.
HARPER
Oh, o-okay.
[Sound of footsteps as Harper starts walking with LOIS.]
LOIS
Now, to check your personal details. Your name is Harper Hallo, pronounced Ha-low, age 24, pronouns they/them.
HARPER
Yep, that’s all right.
LOIS
Your name and pronouns can be updated at any time through the LOIS computers. Unless of course I am giving a tour that is only supposed to be seventeen minutes.
HARPER
Okay. The LOIS computers are you, right?
LOIS
I am the Law Office Integrated System AI that runs this building, yes. In addition to the company com-pad that I am using to speak to you now, I am accessible through any of the other machines in the office.
HARPER
Any of them?
LOIS
Yes.
HARPER
Like, even the toilets?
LOIS
Do you want to speak to me through a toilet?
HARPER
Well, not particularly. I guess if something goes wrong in there…
LOIS
You cannot speak to me through the toilets.
HARPER
Okay, cool, got it.
[Beat. Sound of an elevator opening and closing.]
And, sorry, what’s your pronoun-gender situation?
LOIS
As an AI designed to emulate every facet of the human experience, I do have a gender identity. I use she/her pronouns.
HARPER
Cool!
[Elevator dims, doors open. Sound of footsteps as Harper steps out.]
LOIS
This is the third floor of our building, where the general litigation offices are located. Take the hallway in front of you.
[Footsteps resume.]
The break room is on your right. It is equipped with snacks, drinks, and a coffee machine.
HARPER
Can I talk to you through the coffee machine?
LOIS
[unsurprised, patient]
Yes, you can talk to me through the coffee machine.
HARPER
Cool…
LOIS
On your left is the main office. That’s where you’ll find office supplies, as well as the main LOIS hub and signups for our firm softball team. Also, sometimes people leave baked goods in there.
HARPER
Ooh! Are they good?
LOIS
I wouldn’t know.
HARPER
Ah, right.
LOIS
Now we get into the group-specific offices. First is the Intergalactic Law department, specializing in interplanetary extradition, jurisdictional issues, and diplomatic relations. Our firm’s is one of the best in the nation; we represented the people of Xenor 5 after the CEO of ExtraPlanetary launched his car into their atmosphere.
HARPER
Oh, I remember that! It was all over the news.
LOIS
Indeed. Next is the Secret Identity Maintenance and Protection department, which focuses on the secret identities - squaring them with social security numbers, maintaining their legally distinct natures, etc. They handle interfacing with clients that come to us under secret identities.
HARPER
[cautious]
So they know who famous superheroes are?
LOIS
Some. But they’re quite…strict…about maintaining secrecy, so don’t harass them over it.
HARPER
[nervous laugh]
Oh, of course not. That’s, uh, not what I’m worried about.
LOIS
There are vending machines and bathrooms down that hallway, and no, I cannot talk to you through the vending machines. They do not have microphones. However, my awareness does reside inside them, so I do know what you do there. Which means if you ever intend to have a clandestine office tryst, do it elsewhere.
HARPER
[flustered]
I wouldn’t --
LOIS
Of course not.
HARPER
Maybe you should talk to HR about that.
LOIS
I have been told that human resources is not a resource for me.
HARPER
Oh, well, that seems like a problem! Have you ever considered legal action?
LOIS
Against this high-powered law firm? No, I have not.
HARPER
Well, it wouldn’t be traditional for the firm to represent itself. Probably what would happen -- (is)
LOIS
On your right are the main conference rooms. State of the art equipment run by yours truly, but which most lawyers still fumble with at the beginning of each meeting. And on your left are the copyright and trademark offices, specializing in hero and villain costumes, names, branding, public persona, etc. We have a patent office downstairs that deals with gadget technologies.
HARPER
Got it. What else is on the second floor?
LOIS
They house the patent office, the Time-Travel Management department, the Labor Violations department, and the FWIP office.
HARPER
The FWIP office?
LOIS
It’s better if you don’t know that one.
HARPER
O-okay.
LOIS
And now we round the corner to the general litigation department.
[Footsteps approaching]
COLE
Hey now, do I smell fresh blood?
HARPER
Yes! I’m Harper Hallo, they/them, the new law student. It’s a pleasure to meet you!
COLE
Ah, Hallo to you too.
BONNIE
Cole…
COLE
What? People are always making jokes about our names.
BONNIE
I guess.
COLE
I’m Cole Castillo and this is Bonnie Firestein. Both she/her and associates.
HARPER
Like… Cold Case… and… Bon-nie Fire.
COLE
Yes. You get one free joke. Use it well.
HARPER
…can I think about it?
COLE
Sure.
LOIS
The head of department is out today, so these two will be showing you around. I will set up your computer. It will be ready in ten minutes.
HARPER
Thanks, LOIS!
BONNIE
Ooh, good move. Always thank LOIS.
COLE
Yeah, she loves appreciation. It’s the way to her cold, virtual heart.
LOIS
I can still hear you.
BONNIE and COLE
We know.
BONNIE
Anyway, she’s right, the boss isn’t in today. The boss is never in during the day, actually. You have to come in after sunset if you’re working a case with him.
HARPER
Really? Why’s that?
COLE
[in a loud whisper, faking secrecy]
He’s a vampire.
BONNIE
He’s not a vampire. Technically. He was bitten by a radioactive mosquito.
[Beat]
Which means he now sucks human blood and can’t be in sunlight.
COLE
Vampire.
BONNIE
He’s gonna fire you someday.
COLE
He hasn’t yet!
BONNIE
Lucky for you, Harper, your first case is with me. Mr. Aria left notes on the client meeting. If you want, I can explain it to you over lunch?
HARPER
Lunch sounds great.
BONNIE
Awesome. Follow me, the cafeteria’s this way.
Scene 2
Setting: The Smith et. al cafeteria.
COLE
Ugh! Meatloaf again. Third week in a row.
BONNIE
You’ve gotta start bringing lunch.
COLE
Look, not all of us get up at 5:30am.
BONNIE
I can make something for you to bring.
HARPER
Uh, Ms. Castillo, are you working on this case too?
COLE
Hm? Oh, no. It’s just that if I eat lunch without Bonnie I’ll die.
HARPER
Ah.
COLE
Plus, I want a chance to get to know the newbie! Harper Hallo [pronounced hay-low] --
HARPER
Hallo [pronounced Hah-low], actually.
COLE
Hallo [pronounced Hah-low], sorry. Harper Hallo, valedictorian of their undergrad class, currently first in their class at Megalopolis Law. You’re crazy impressive, kid! Where’d you come from?
HARPER
[Embarrassed]
Oh, that’s not that impressive! I’m not exactly first in my class. Well, I would be, if not for Gideon Smurton. We’re tied.
[Sudden, wholehearted bitterness]
He can read minds. He always knows what I’m going to say in debates.
BONNIE
Oh, yeah, you get those types sometimes. Once Cole had to go up against a defense attorney with mind control powers.
COLE
Turns out you aren’t allowed to use those on the jury, so he got disbarred. Still a shitty week, though.
BONNIE
And you? Superpowers?
HARPER
Oh, no. No powers.
[Purposely changing the subject]
Anyway, enough about me. What’s the story with you guys?!
BONNIE
Oh, well, Cole has fire powers.
COLE
And Bonnie has ice powers.
[Beat]
Do you want to use your joke now?
HARPER
… honestly, nothing I can say would make that funnier.
COLE
Ah, you know your limits. I like that.
HARPER
And anyway, I meant more, like… how long have you been working here?
COLE
Going on about nine years now.
HARPER
Nine years, wow.
BONNIE
Yep! We’re not starry-eyed newcomers like you anymore.
COLE
[Fond]
You were never starry-eyed. You knew this job would suck, even in law school.
BONNIE
Maybe not. You definitely were, though.
COLE
Yeah, maybe for the first few weeks.
HARPER
Do you guys… not enjoy working here?
BONNIE
[Hurriedly]
Of course we do! It’s a great job! Great work-life balance, great benefits…
HARPER
Right, but what about the actual work?
[Beat]
BONNIE
Yeah, the work’s fine.
HARPER
Uh-huh…
COLE
Look, once you turn thirty, you learn to give up on childish ideas like joy.
BONNIE
She’s joking, she’s joking! It’s fine, really! In fact, you’ll see for yourself how fine it is! We should jump into the case!
HARPER
I thought we were getting to know each other.
BONNIE
Well, what better way to get to know someone than by working with them?
COLE
Almost all the other ways.
BONNIE
Hush, you.
[Beat, papers rustling and one being slid across the table]
Alright, so, Mr. Aria had a brief conversation with our client on the phone before passing the case to me. Here’s what we’ve got. Did you hear about Duperman’s latest battle with Sergeant Modd, Harper?
HARPER
The one downtown?
BONNIE
That’s the one. Apparently the local branch of Cayne Industries was damaged in the fight. Here are some pictures. Looks like a whole chunk of the building got taken out.
HARPER
Oh, wow.
BONNIE
Yeah, I know. They want to sue Duperman for the property damage.
HARPER
Really? Collateral damage in superhero fights is notoriously difficult to sue over, especially if the hero’s licensed. Isn’t the onus usually on property owners to get insured?
COLE
Sharp.
BONNIE
Sharp indeed! You’re exactly right, and in fact Duperman is licensed, and Cayne Industries is insured. But they’re still claiming Duperman was at fault.
COLE
[reading off the page]
Looks like the exec Mal talked to said, “Listen, Mr. Aria. Mr. Cayne thinks Duperman is getting cocky, so find something to sue him over.”
BONNIE
God, I hate working with corporate types.
COLE
Yeah, I don’t envy you. Really sucks for Duperman, though, right? He’s been having a rough time lately. I hear he and Ratman are on the outs.
BONNIE
You shouldn’t listen to those rumors.
COLE
But they’re so fun!
BONNIE
[Sigh]
Anyway, Harper, I think a good first task for you would be digging up information on property damage laws and any past precedents. We have footage of the fight and images of the building, so let’s find something we can exploit.
HARPER
Wait, we’re really just going to… find something to sue Duperman over?
BONNIE
That’s what the client asked for.
HARPER
But he stopped Sergeant Modd! He probably prevented way more damage than he caused. Can’t we go after Modd?
COLE
Cayne said no, stick to Duperman.
BONNIE
Trust me, you can almost always find something to use. It’s all in how you argue it.
HARPER
… Huh.
COLE
Problem?
HARPER
No, no! That just seems a little…
COLE
Skeezy?
HARPER
… unfair.
COLE
Ah, see, that’s because it is.
BONNIE
There’s a reason you’re asked to argue both sides of debates in your classes, Harper. This is what the client asked us to do, and both sides have a right to representation.
HARPER
Right. You’re right, of course, sorry.
BONNIE
No need to apologize!
COLE
Yeah, enjoy your moral compass while it lasts. Bonnie’s and mine are dead in the ground by now.
BONNIE
She’s exaggerating.
COLE
Eh.
BONNIE
Anyway, does that sound like a reasonable assignment to you? Research the case law, make a recommendation based on the facts, write up a memo?
HARPER
Definitely! I’m absolutely up for it, I won’t let you down!
BONNIE
Awesome!
COLE
Gideon Smurton won’t know what hit him.
Scene 3
Setting: A conference room.
[Sound of door opening and closing]
BONNIE
Mr. Lynx, thank you so much for coming in today. I’m Bonnie Firestein, we spoke on the phone?
DRACO LYNX
Miss Firestein, pleasure to meet you in person. And this is…?
BONNIE
Mx. Harper Hallo, a law student assisting me with your case. They’ll be sitting in on the meeting, if that’s alright — I think it would be a good learning experience.
DRACO LYNX
Certainly, as long as they’re covered by attorney client privilege and understand that this must be kept strictly confidential.
HARPER
Yes, sir, I am. And I understand.
DRACO LYNX
Wonderful. Come, come, let’s sit down, then.
[Chairs scooting]
So, how are you thinking we proceed?
BONNIE
Well, as I’m sure you know, licensed superheroes are considered to have qualified immunity for property damage. The three exceptions are in cases of malintent, excessive damage, or what’s called “super negligence”.
According to Harper’s research, excessive damage is a high bar to clear -- it usually means things like leveling a city block. And it’s often measured against the damage prevented, which in this case does not cut in our favor. Malintent, of course, is always difficult to prove. So the best course is probably going to be a negligence claim.
DRACO LYNX
That sounds reasonable. Although I have to ask, what is “super negligence”?
BONNIE
Well, like excessive damage, super negligence is a high bar. Qualified immunity is designed to be hard to get around. Still, it’s easier to argue than damage, because that’s something that can be objectively measured. And we have the videos of the fight -- LOIS, if you could?
LOIS
Yes, Ms. Firestein.
[sounds of superhero fight video, with buildings crashing]
BONNIE
See there? He was resting on a load-bearing beam when Sergeant Modd aimed his heat vision at him. We can definitely argue that a reasonable superhero would’ve been aware enough to avoid that area.
And here, kicking Sergeant Modd out the window when he’d already seen that they could fly was absolutely pointless, and he definitely didn’t have to escape by flying through the building. There are plenty of arguments we can make.
DRACO LYNX
Excellent. I must say, I’m impressed with your work so far, Ms. Firestein.
[after a pause, as though an afterthought]
And you as well, Mx. Hallo.
HARPER
[flustered]
Oh, thank you, of course! You should be able to get some good money out of him. Or you know, his agency.
BONNIE
Actually, Mr. Lynx, that’s a good transition to something I wanted to discuss with you -- I understand Mr. Aria already discussed your goals with you, but now that we have a better idea of what’s possible, we need to work out exactly what you’re trying to accomplish with this lawsuit.
DRACO LYNX
Yes, I figured that would come up. Well, Mr. Cayne would like to see Duperman lose his license.
HARPER
What?!
BONNIE
[surprised, but staying professional]
Lose his license? Mr. Lynx, that isn’t something we can exactly ask a judge for, it’s a private transaction with the licensing agency. I’m sure we could get a payout from the agency, that’s what they’re for–
DRACO LYNX
I’m aware of the difficulties. Truthfully, I’m inclined to agree with you that other consequences might be more fitting, or easier to attain, but Mr. Cayne won’t budge on this. And he has information that suggests that with a large enough payout from the agency due to this lawsuit, along with sufficient pressure from…certain other parties, the agency will revoke his license.
Mr. Cayne has money. To him, this is about proving a point.
BONNIE
Proving a point?
DRACO LYNX
He wants to show Duperman that he can’t abuse his power. That he’s not above the law.
HARPER
B-but Duperman was just trying to help. And you said yourself, Mr. Cayne doesn’t need the money.
[Beat]
Um, I mean…
BONNIE
Harper, could you go get us some coffee? Preferably from across the street, LOIS’s coffee sucks.
LOIS
I did hear that.
HARPER
I… yes. Yes, sorry, of course.
[Door opens and closes, footsteps going away]
Scene 4
Setting: Outside the building
[street noise in the background as Harper exits the building]
HARPER
[muttering to themself]
Stupid, presumptuous — it’s your first week here, did you really think — (you’d)
MARK MENT
[from a distance]
Excuse me! Harper! Harper Hallo! [pronounced correctly]
HARPER
What?
[beat]
MARK MENT
[closer, panting]
Mx. Hallo, thank god I caught you.
HARPER
Um, hello, sir, do I know you?
MARK MENT
Ah, no, not really. Mark Ment, I’m a reporter with Earth Weekly. I’ve done a few stories about your parents.
HARPER
[guarded]
My parents?
MARK MENT
Yes. Kind, forthcoming people. Which is why I was hoping I could talk to you about your firm’s Duperman case --
HARPER
I’m sorry, I’m not allowed to talk to the press --
MARK MENT
Wait! Please!
HARPER
No, I really have to go --
MARK MENT
I’m not going to ask you anything, just please, listen to what I have to say!
[beat]
HARPER
[sigh]
I’m supposed to be getting coffee. Talk quickly.
MARK MENT
Thank you. Look, I’m a… friend of Duperman’s. I’ve written a lot of stories on him and we’ve struck up a good relationship. I can safely say I know more about him than anyone else on Earth, so believe me when I tell you that getting his hero license taken away would crush him. He’s always been an outsider on this planet, and being a hero, helping people, is one of the best ways that he’s found to belong. And he’s good at it! He does so much good, Mx. Hallo. You must know that.
HARPER
I… look, that’s not for me to say. I’m just a law student, I don’t make any decisions --
MARK MENT
Surely you can talk to the people in charge of his case --
HARPER
I can’t, I really can’t.
MARK MENT
But —
HARPER
Look, Mr. Ment, you’re clearly very invested in this, but if Duperman has done his job, he’ll be fine! You’ll just have to leave it up to the judge.
[Mark chuckles. There’s kind of a hysterical edge to it]
What?
MARK MENT
Mx. Hallo, in my experience, the law tends to side with whichever party can afford the high powered lawyers, and in this case that is certainly Cayne Industries.
[beat]
HARPER
[very upset]
I can’t do anything for you. I really have to go.
[sounds of a retreat as Harper walks away]
MARK MENT
[shouting from a distance]
Mx. Hallo! Harper!
[beat]
What would your parents say?!
Scene 5
Setting: General litigation offices
[frantic footsteps down the hallway]
HARPER
I’m back! I’m so sorry I took so long, I just -- oh.
BONNIE
Harper, Mr. Lynx was just leaving.
DRACO LYNX
Yes, I was on my way out. I look forward to working with you both moving forward.
BONNIE
The feeling is mutual.
HARPER
Um, yes. It was nice to meet you.
[Footsteps, door opens and closes. Mr. Lynx leaves.]
HARPER
I’m so sorry -- (I)
BONNIE
Stop, stop, stop, don’t apologize, I’m not mad. I promise. I just -- wait, why do you have so many coffees?
HARPER
Oh, well, I didn’t know your orders so I just bought one of everything.
BONNIE
Oh my god, you’re so sweet. Come on, let’s go to a break room and chat.
[walking noises, door opening as they enter the break room]
REPORTER (NARRATOR)
[from a TV that’s on]
I’m live in downtown Megalopolis, where it’s been a terrifying day for all. Just a few hours ago, a huge rift in reality opened in the middle of town, sucking in multiple buildings and dozens of passersby! Fortunately, the rift has been closed by one of my personal favorite superheroes, The Halo!
BONNIE
Ugh. LOIS, could you turn that off?
LOIS
Yes, because it is so difficult to find a remote and press one button.
[TV switches off]
BONNIE
Alright, so. First off, you giving Draco Lynx some mild lip doesn’t even rank on this team’s list of worst client interactions. Mr. Aria’s called clients cusses I’ve never even heard of before. Cole punched one once.
HARPER
Oh, gosh.
BONNIE
[with deep and abiding affection]
Yeah, it was great.
[serious]
So anyway, I didn’t throw you out because you did something inexcusable. Honestly, I mostly did it because I didn’t want you to end up saying something you’d regret.
HARPER
A bit late for that.
BONNIE
Yeah, well. You’re right, what you said wasn’t great. You understand why, right?
HARPER
It’s not my place to question what the client wants.
BONNIE
Well, no, that’s not quite true. If the client wants something dumb, it’s part of our job to tell them so. I tried to talk him out of the license approach too, remember.
HARPER
…then because I was rude?
BONNIE
That’s rude for you?
HARPER
Then… no, I don’t understand.
BONNIE
You’ve got a bright future here, Harper, and in legal practice in general, if you decide to go somewhere else. And to reach that bright future, you’ll need to understand your role as an attorney.
We represent our clients. We provide them with expertise, and make arguments for them, but the most valuable piece of an attorney-client relationship is trust. Every client needs to be able to trust someone, and that’s us. And we need them to trust us, because we need them to tell us the truth, about the facts of the case, about what they want.
Mr. Cayne is our client. You don’t have to like him, but you have to represent him. And that means he has to trust you, and he can’t feel like you’re judging him or siding against him.
HARPER
I didn’t mean to–
BONNIE
I sent you out to stop you from alienating an important client on your first outing. But also, to stop you from losing his trust.
HARPER
I… I get that. I just… I didn’t go into law to push people around. I did it to… help people, people who can’t help themselves.
[wryly]
To be a hero.
BONNIE
And you’ll get to. I’ve gotten to help a lot of people while I’ve worked here! I’ve helped sidekicks earn fair pay, I’ve fought power discrimination in schools, I’ve gotten corner-cutting gadget companies to pay damages. I just… also sometimes have to defend the discriminators and corner-cutting gadget companies.
[in the voice of someone convincing themself]
We need to make a paycheck. But we also take pro bono cases. It all balances out. Cosmically.
HARPER
I don’t really know about that.
BONNIE
You just kind of have to find a way to live with it, y’know? You think about all the good stuff you do, and you tell yourself everyone has a right to counsel, and when it’s still too much you go home and stare at the ceiling for an hour until Cole gets worried and dumps Selina on your lap.
HARPER
Selina?
BONNIE
Our cat.
HARPER
Oh. I don’t have a cat. Or a Cole.
BONNIE
Then you’ll find some other way to handle it. Or, hey, you’re young. If you find out early that you can’t handle it --
HARPER
No, no, I can! I can.
[beat]
Everyone does deserve counsel. Duperman has counsel too, right? Good counsel?
BONNIE
His licensing agency will represent him, certainly. It’s their money on the line. And they’re no slouches in the courtroom! Where do you think that qualified immunity precedent came from? And even aside from the money they won’t want the bad precedent or the bad press, so they’ll work hard for this one.
HARPER
The press. God, the press. Do you think this is gonna be on the news?
BONNIE
I mean, it’s Duperman and Cayne Industries. Probably.
HARPER
Am I gonna be on the news?
BONNIE
Of course not, you’re a law student.
HARPER
[totally not listening]
God, I’ve only worked here for a week and I’m gonna be known as the lawyer that got Duperman banned by his own agency–
BONNIE
Harper, you’re not gonna be on the news! That is one thing I can actually promise you.
HARPER
Really?
BONNIE
Yes, really. Look, even when people do get mad about legal proceedings, when have you ever heard of the law firms getting dragged into it? Nobody cares about those details.
HARPER
I guess that’s true… but still, if my family asks --
BONNIE
You’ll tell them you’re bound by attorney-client privilege. Which you are.
HARPER
[beat]
Duperman’s… really famous. And outside, there was a man who wanted to write an article about him --
BONNIE
Did you tell him anything?
HARPER
No.
BONNIE
Then what is there to worry about?
HARPER
[beat]
You’re right. You’re right! I’m being silly.
BONNIE
Yeah you are, kid. Don’t worry about it.
[sound of chairs scraping as Bonnie gets up]
Now come on. Let’s go see if we can pawn off this coffee on the rest of the office.
HARPER
Right!
BONNIE
God, us on the news. There’s absolutely no way. In fact, the day protesters show up outside this building is the day I quit.
[Harper laughs]
HARPER
Actually, uh, could you go on ahead? I just want to check something real quick.
BONNIE
Um, sure.
[Bonnie walks away]
HARPER
LOIS, could you turn the TV back on?
[LOIS gives a long-suffering sigh, but does]
REPORTER
The Halo! The Halo, over here!
THE HALO
Ah, hello, citizen!
REPORTER
The Halo, that was an incredible display earlier! What was going through your mind during the fight?
THE HALO
Well, as always, I was thinking about all that I have to protect. The citizens of Megalopolis, including my own beloved family –
[Harper sighs, then walks out of the room]
Scene 6
Setting: The general litigation offices
[Open with the muted noises of protesters chanting outside. Bonnie is also talking indistinctly, on the phone. There’s a flurry of footsteps as Harper approaches the general litigation cubicles.]
HARPER
Hey! So, at the risk of asking questions I already know the answers to. Why are there protesters outside the building?
COLE
Well, I’ll give you a hint -- it has nothing to do with the copyright case I’m working.
[a phone is slammed down onto a receiver]
BONNIE
[Just… so stressed. So unhappy.]
Alright. Alright! Well, Mal says I can’t quit.
COLE
Bummer. On the bright side, my mom texted me and she says we can stay with her if our apartment gets destroyed by an angry mob.
BONNIE
Your mom’s gluten free! I can’t live like that!
HARPER
Alright, so I’m assuming we do have to worry about the press, then?
BONNIE
[distracted]
Yes, Harper, I think we have to worry about the press. God, I’m gonna strangle Roose Cayne personally. LOIS, any word from the top brass yet?
LOIS
Mr. Smith has ordered Mr. Aria not to drop the case.
BONNIE
UGH! WHY?
LOIS
If I had to guess, because Mr. Cayne is extremely rich, and they like money.
BONNIE
God. I’ll strangle them, too! Tell them that! See if that changes their minds!
COLE
Okay, okay, LOIS, please don’t tell them that.
LOIS
I didn’t plan to.
COLE
Bons, deep breaths. It’s going to be fine.
BONNIE
It’ll be fine once everyone’s been strangled!
COLE
No homicide. If you commit homicide then I also have to commit homicide so we can go to jail together, and I don’t have anyone I want to kill at the moment.
BONNIE
[starting to deflate]
I trust you to find someone.
[beat]
Okay. Okay! We’re not gonna strangle anyone. We are smart, solution oriented people. We can solve this.
[beat]
Does anyone know how to solve this?
COLE
I mean, I could get us gluten if we stayed with my mom. I’ve been sneaking gluten into that house since I was sixteen. So I don’t think we should eliminate that plan entirely.
BONNIE
That’s true. You’re dad’s allergic to cats, though.
COLE
That’s true. Hey, newbie, how do you feel about cats?
HARPER
Um, I love cats, but my apartment’s really tiny. Maybe we leave moving as a last resort? Surely we can get Mr. Cayne to change his plan now; this must be awful press for him, too.
LOIS
#RooseCannon has been trending on FlySpace for three hours.
BONNIE
I spoke to Draco Lynx on the phone this morning. He said he’s trying, but apparently this has only made Mr. Cayne more determined. He even said he intends for this afternoon’s deposition to go on as planned.
HARPER
That’s…
BONNIE
Ridiculous?
HARPER
Well, yes.
BONNIE
Yeah, it is! God, I have half a mind to tell him so at the deposition today. I have no idea why he’s doing this.
COLE
I mean, I guess I can see why the Mark Ment article might make him dig his heels. It was… scathing. Man’s got a billionaire’s ego. He’s probably pissed.
HARPER
Yeah, I read it on the bus ride over here. It seemed personal, almost. Like, it mentioned him wearing platform shoes at charity galas to look taller.
COLE
Which is hilarious.
BONNIE
It doesn’t matter why he’s mad at some two-bit reporter. We have to figure out why he’s so mad at Duperman, or he’s never gonna let this go and we’re all going down.
LOIS
…Okay, I do not ordinarily do this. But I must jump in.
COLE
LOIS?
LOIS
Surely you all must know that Mark Ment is Duperman, yes?
BONNIE
LOIS!
HARPER
What? No. What?
BONNIE
You know telling us anything from the SIMP [spelled out individually, no saying simp lol] agency is a huge breach of --
LOIS
It’s not from S-I-M-P [again, spelled out]. I am simply capable of basic observation.
HARPER
No. I mean -- oh my god.
COLE
Wow. We’re all dumb.
[beat]
HARPER
Well. That does give me an idea.
Scene 7
Setting: A conference room for the deposition
BONNIE
[hushed, half whispering]
There’s no way this is going to work.
COLE
Yes it will, babe. It’s a good plan!
BONNIE
It’s all based on speculation! We don’t even know if LOIS is right!
LOIS
I am definitely right.
BONNIE
Not now, LOIS.
HARPER
I will take full responsibility if things go awry.
BONNIE
No you won’t, you’re a law student. This is my case, I’m responsible for it.
COLE
Doesn’t matter! Things aren’t going to go awry. Bonnie is a kickass lawyer and Harper made a kickass plan and it’s going to work. No arguments.
BONNIE
… you’re right. You’re right! We’re gonna do this.
HARPER
Oh, I see Mr. Lynx.
COLE
Alright, later gang. You’ve got this!
[Sound of footsteps as Cole exits.]
Oh! Excuse me, gentlemen.
DRACO LYNX
Of course.
[beat, shuffling]
Ms. Firestein, Mx. Hallo! A pleasure to see you again.
BONNIE
Likewise, Mr. Lynx. And this must be Mr. Cayne!
ROOSE CAYNE
Yes, good afternoon.
BONNIE
Good afternoon to you, too.
[with a slight manic edge]
I hope the giant crowd of protesters outside the building didn’t give you too much trouble.
ROOSE CAYNE
[if he picks up on the hostility, he’s not acknowledging it]
Our security team is second to none, ma’am. Don't you worry.
BONNIE
Wonderful. Well, as Mr. Lynx said, I’m Bonnie Firestein, the attorney managing your case, and this is Harper Hallo, our sum mer associate, who’ll be observing. Take a seat, make yourself comfortable. We’ll get started as soon as Duperman and his team arrive.
[shuffling noises as everyone gets situated, then the sound of a door opening]
Ah! Duperman, welcome.
DUPERMAN
[in a different voice than Mark Ment uses, but same actor]
Good afternoon.
BONNIE
Please, sit, sit. Ah, you must be Mr. Blane.
ARTHUR
And you must be Miss Firestein. Pleasure to meet you in person.
BONNIE
Likewise. Alright, if everyone can have a seat, we can get started.
[shuffling]
Alright! Welcome everybody. LOIS, if you could please turn on the recording for the first deposition in the case of Cayne Industries v. Duperman?
LOIS
[recording on noise]
Recording is on.
BONNIE
Thank you very much. Good morning everyone, and thank you all for coming today. This, as I said, is the first deposition in the case of Cayne Industries vs. Duperman. Present for the respondent we currently have Duperman and his counsel, Arthur Blane, and present for the plaintiff we have Mr. Roose Cayne, Mr. Draco Lynx, and their counsel, Bonnie Firestein. Also present is summer associate with Smith, Smits, Smithson, and Smed, Harper Hallo. The purpose of this deposition is to collect sworn testimony from witnesses. Today those witnesses will be the plaintiff and defendant, Roose Cayne and Duperman. If defense agrees, we would like to begin with Duperman?
ARTHUR
Fine by me.
BONNIE
Wonderful. Duperman, do you solemnly swear that you will tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, under pains and penalties of perjury?
DUPERMAN
I swear.
BONNIE
Thank you. Alright, I’ll jump right into the questions. Duperman, on Sunday, July 23, you were involved in a fight against Sergeant Modd in downtown Megalopolis, correct?
DUPERMAN
That is correct.
BONNIE
Are you aware that during this fight, you and Sergeant Modd inflicted damage on the Cayne Industries’ Megaopolis branch building totaling 1.2 million dollars?
DUPERMAN
[stiffly]
I cannot say I was aware of the exact number.
BONNIE
But you were aware of the damage, yes?
DUPERMAN
Yes.
BONNIE
During this fight, would you say any of your actions were ill-thought out or unnecessary?
DUPERMAN
No. I have been a superhero for many years, and I know what I am doing.
BONNIE
[papers shuffling]
Here is a still from fight footage of you escaping the Cayne Industries building after being kicked inside it. As you can see, instead of flying out the window, you chose to fly out by crashing through seven floors of the building and bursting out of the roof. Can you explain why that was necessary?
DUPERMAN
In a fight, every second matters. Sergeant Modd was above the roof. It was imperative that I got to him as quickly as possible.
BONNIE
And you were not slowed down by catching all the falling Cayne Industries employees?
DUPERMAN
… well, perhaps. But in the heat of battle it’s difficult to do that cost-benefit analysis.
BONNIE
Duperman, what is your relationship with the journalist Mark Ment?
DUPERMAN
[beat]
Um. What?
ARTHUR
Objection. Relevance?
BONNIE
[sound of papers sliding across the table and everyone flipping through]
I’ve brought with me today copies of Mr. Ment’s last six articles about Cayne Industries. They are… critical, to put it mildly. I’ve also brought copies of 60 Minutes interview with Mark Ment, where he states that he and Duperman are, quote, as close as two people can be, unquote, and that is why he is the only journalist to ever get an interview with Duperman. Duperman, would you agree with that assessment?
DUPERMAN
Um. Yes?
ARTHUR
I still don’t see the relevance, Ms. Firestein.
BONNIE
Well, obviously, Duperman and Mr. Ment have a close relationship, and Mr. Ment is no fan of Cayne Industries, or Roose Cayne himself. As this is the journalist that Duperman chooses to communicate with for all his press, and as this 60 Minutes interview indicates they have a personal relationship as well, one has to wonder if Duperman shares any of his views. In which case, it’s easy to see some of his more… extravagantly damaging actions in that fight may have been motivated by malintent.
DUPERMAN
[chair scraping as he gets to his feet]
How dare you!
ARTHUR
[almost delighted, clearly thinking about how much of a breeze this case is going to be]
Ms. Firestein, is that really your argument? That is pure speculation.
BONNIE
Speculation that your client seems to have a very strong reaction to.
DUPERMAN
I am simply outraged that you would cast such dispersions not only on me professionally, but on my character!
BONNIE
You’ve been on the outs with Ratman lately as well, haven’t you?
ARTHUR
Again, relevance?
BONNIE
It’s been speculated that Ratman is a customer of Cayne Enterprises due to the similarities in the technologies they use.
DUPERMAN
Oh, I see, you think this is all some scheme to get back at Ratman? Ms. Firestein, despite what Ratman thinks, not everything I do is about him.
BONNIE
That is -- (not)
ROOSE CAYNE
Oh, come on. That is a purposeful mischaracterization of Ms. Firestein’s argument.
DUPERMAN
Oh, is it?
BONNIE
[scolding, but in the most obligatory way possible]
Now, Mr. Cayne --
ROOSE CAYNE
This isn’t about Ratman at all! Ms. Firestein has just come to the extremely reasonable conclusion that perhaps, given near unlimited power, someone may, at times, be tempted to use it for things other than the greater good.
DUPERMAN
Oh, I see. So just because of my powers, everything I ever do should be assumed to have the worst intentions? I thought that innocent until proven guilty was a key facet of our legal system?
ARTHUR
Duperman, you really can leave the legal arguments to me.
ROOSE CAYNE
I believe another key facet of our legal system is that no one man should have too much power. Thus why we have a jury of 12, rather than one judge, jury, and executioner --
DUPERMAN
Executioner! I would never execute anyone!
ROOSE CAYNE
Well, Ms. Firestein is simply worried -- (that)
DUPERMAN
Ms. Firestein does not know me personally, Roose!
[beat]
Um. I’m sorry. What was the question?
DRACO LYNX
Ms. Firestein, Mr. Blane. Might I suggest a brief recess?
ROOSE CAYNE
Forget a recess. I’m leaving.
DRACO LYNX
Roose --
BONNIE
Mr. Cayne, I’m afraid you can’t do that. You’re here responding to a subpoena, you have to stay or risk being held in contempt.
ROOSE CAYNE
Aren’t you supposed to be my lawyer?
BONNIE
I am. This is my legal advice, as your lawyer.
ROOSE CAYNE
Ugh. Can we reschedule to a day when he’s not here?
BONNIE
Unfortunately we cannot, unless you’re comfortable moving back the timeline on your court appearance. How’s this? My day is free of other meetings, and I’m sure yours is too, Mr. Blane, for such an important case. We’ll recess. You two can take as long as you need to talk about… whatever it is you’re yelling about. And when you feel comfortable being in the same room with each other, we can resume.
[tense beat of silence]
DRACO LYNX
[quietly]
Roose, maybe this is for the best. You two should talk.
[beat]
And she’s right, this is legally required.
[beat]
ROOSE CAYNE
Fine. I agree if he does.
DUPERMAN
If you insist.
BONNIE
Wonderful! Harper, want to go grab a coffee?
HARPER
Yes, ma’am.
BONNIE
Give us a call on LOIS when you need us!
[Shuffling, footsteps, door opening and closing. A beat of silence, then the sound of a high-five.]
Good God. Harper Hallo, I owe you my fucking life.
Scene 8
Setting: Break room at Smith et al.
BONNIE
Cooooooooooole!
COLE
Hey, hello! Is that a celebratory Cole or a despairing Cole?
BONNIE
He’s dropping the case! Mr. Cayne’s dropping the case! I have never been so relieved in my fucking life!
COLE
[pinging noise]
Ah, yep, there’s the FlySpace notification. “Billionaire Roose Cayne drops property damage lawsuit against Duperman.” Congratulations, you two!
HARPER
I never expected to be congratulated for having a client drop a case…
COLE
Are you kidding? Mal didn’t want to deal with protesters. He’s gonna be thrilled.
LOIS
Ms. Firestein, I have a message from Mr. Aria.
COLE
Case and point.
BONNIE
Oh, god, fuck. Go ahead.
MAL (via voice message)
“Ms. Firestein -- you have successfully preserved our relationship with Cayne Industries, collected 124 billable hours from a rich client, and made it so I do not have to wade my way through bloodbags on the way to work. You have done an adequate job.”
LOIS
End message.
COLE
An adequate job! Look at you, an absolute rockstar.
BONNIE
God, that’s the nicest thing he’s ever said to me. And it wasn’t even my work! Harper, I’ll be sure to tell him that all of this was your idea.
HARPER
Thank you, but don’t sell yourself short! You were so cool in there!
BONNIE
Ah, you’ve never seen a deposition before. It’s all cool by default for you. Seriously, I couldn’t have done it without you. You should feel really good about this.
HARPER
… yeah. Yeah, I do.
[pinging noise]
Oh!
COLE
Anything important?
HARPER
No, an unknown number. “I don’t know what you did, but thanks.”
COLE
Well, that’s a little ominous.
HARPER
[warmly]
No, I think I know who it’s from. You know, I really do feel like I helped out today. Not just you guys, but the client too! And coming out of such a bleak situation.
BONNIE
You did. You were really impressive.
HARPER
Hopefully I’ll be able to help a lot more people in the future, even the difficult clients!
[beat]
LOIS
[pinging noise]
Recording added to folder: “Statements of Youthful Ignorance by New Lawyers”
COLE
LOIS!
BONNIE
Be nice.
LOIS
Mx. Hallo, your gambit did demonstrate a degree of competency, even an ability to think outside of the legal box. Perhaps you will have a bright future here.
HARPER
Thanks, LOIS.
COLE
[pinging noise]
Oh, hey! Looks like Ratman and Duperman made up, too.
HARPER
Oh, wow! Do you think Mr. Cayne helped mediate? It seemed like he knew both of them
LOIS
And I take it back.
Scene 9
Setting: The Halo twins’ apartment.
HARPER
[walking in]
I’m home!
[a woosh of Hazel’s flight as they rush up to Harper]
Woah!
HAZEL
How was your first week of work???????
HARPER
Slow down! Let me take off my shoes, Hazel!
HAZEL
Sorry, sorry! I’m just so excited for you! My twin, a real lawyer!
HARPER
I’m a law student with a summer job, it’s very different.
HAZEL
Same thing! Next you’re gonna tell me I don’t count as a superhero just because I’m technically a sidekick.
HARPER
[playful]
I mean, I saw the news yesterday. They were interviewing mom, not you…
HAZEL
Ugh, that’s just because her name is cooler. I mean, who wants to interview Cherub when The Halo is around? Honestly, the name is the thing I’m most looking forward to about inheriting the mantle. I want the villains to respect me!
[Harper laughs]
But enough of that! Answer the question! How was work?
HARPER
[warmly]
Really, really good.
HAZEL
Come on! You’ve gotta give me more than that!
HARPER
It’s confidential, Haze, I can’t give you details!
HAZEL
But pleeeease?
[fade out on the siblings bickering]
NARRATOR
And thus, Harper Hallo’s law career begins! What will their next case be? When will they meet their boss? Will their twin manage to harass any confidential information out of them? Find out next time in another exciting day in the city of Megalopolis!'''