Fred Flintstone on New Squidward Chat

"Fred Flintstone on New Squidward Chat" is an episode of New Squidward Chat.
==Characters==
*New Squidward Chat announcer
*Squidward Q. Tentacles
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*New Squidward Chat producer
*Unweighted baby
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*Unnamed members of the Spongebotland Parliament
*Old Man Walker
*The Flintstones announcer
==Transcript==
Announcer: Elmo 3V presents... "New Squidward Chat"! With your host: Squidward Tentacles.
Squidward: Greetings. I'm Squidward Tentacles. Your host of "New Squidward Chat"! Sorry that I wasn't able to present last week's show. I think it's for the best if we all forget about what happened last week... Anyway, today, we're joined by... [checks notes] Fred Flintstone...
[The Flintstones theme song starts playing]
Fred Flintstone: Yabba-dabba-doo! [jumps into the set, breaking a window in the process]
Flintstones, meet the Flintstones
They're the modern stone-age family
From the town of Bedrock
They're a page right out of history
Let's ride with the family down the street
Through the courtesy of Fred's two feet
When you're with the Flintstones
Have a yabba-dabba-doo time
A dabba-doo time
We'll have a gay old time
Squidward: Welcome to the show, Fred... What convinced you to come on the show today?
Fred: Well, Squidward, I have a gambling problem.
Squidward: Oh...
Fred: Yep... I lost so many clams...The IRS are going to take my Rockbo.
Squidward: Your what?
Fred: My Rockbo. I parked it outside.
[Squidward looks through the hole in the wall, where the window used to be. He sees the prehistoric equivalent of a Lambo parked outside his house]
Squidward: Ah, I see.
Fred: And yeah, because of that I decided to go on some TV shows to try to get as much money as possible.
Squidward: What other shows have you been on?
Fred: Well, this is the first. The BBC wanted me to present Match of the Day though.
Squidward: Oh really?
Fred: Yeah, do you know what I told them?
Squidward: No?
Fred: I told them that women belong in the kitchen.
Squidward: Oh...
Fred: Yep. That's my personal view. And I- I- [clearly getting angry] I fully respect the views of people who think women deserve the same rights as men. 
Squidward: [anxious] Well. I- uh. 
Fred: I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my wife. She's a great cook.
Squidward: Oh no.
Fred: She's very good at other household chores as well, like mowing the lawn. In fact, here she is doing just that right now.
[Wilma suddenly goes through the house with the lawnmower]
Squidward: How did she get in-
Fred: But yeah that's basically all women are good for.
Squidward: [sweating] Uhh... [picks up book titled "How to make an already horribly offensive interview even worse"] "Bring up transgender people"
Fred: You know, one of the producers was talking about this game called Among Us.
Squidward: Oh God...
Fred: In the game you can either play as a "crewmate" or an "impostor". [Squidward gets out his phone] The "crewmates" have to do certain tasks identifying and voting out the "impostors". [Squidward is doing something on his phone] It's a lot like real-life, where the cisgenders have to identify the transgenders.
Squidward: [sighs]
Fred: Are you texting someone?
Squidward: [still on his phone] No, I'm just uninstalling the Twitter app from my phone.
[Suddenly, Barney Rubble appears in the house]
Barney: Hey, Fred!
Squidward: WHO THE [BLEEP] ARE YOU?!
Barney: Betty is doing my laundry.
Fred: They sure work hard, don't they Barney?
Barney: Yeah. I hate to see them work so hard.
Fred: Yeah, me too.
Squidward: HOW DID HE GET IN-
Barney: Gee we oughta do something, Fred.
Fred: OK. How's about taking a nap?
Squidward: We're in the middle of a show-
Barney: Hey, I got a better idea. [takes out a pack of cigarettes] Let's take a Winston break.
Fred: That's it! [takes a cigarette] Winston is the one filtered cigarette that delivers flavour 20 times a pack! [Squidward puts his head on his desk]
Barney: Yeah Fred! [Wilma brings the lawnmower through the house again] Winston packs rich tobacco specially selected and specially processed for good flavour.
Fred: Yeah, Barney! Winston tastes good like a- [Wilma and Betty suddenly give Fred and Barney all of the equipment they were using for the chores] cigarette should! Wait... What's going on here?!
Wilma: We're going on strike! 
Fred: Wh- what? [Betty and Wilma leave] Barney, what are we supposed to do?!
Barney: I don't know, Fred. We've never done chores before.
Squidward: WHAT?! YOU'VE NEVER DONE CHORES BEFORE?!
Barney: Yeah, we've always left it to our wives while we smoke out back.
Fred: Sometimes if I'm feeling nice, Wilma gets to smoke too.
Squidward: Wh- do you not think that in a few decades, maybe even just a few years, you'll be looking back and thinking how ridiculous this is?
Fred: What colour's your Rockbo, Squiddy? [lights another Winston]
Squidward: [long pause] Well, if you've never done chores before, I know how you can start. [drinks from a cup on his desk, then spits it out on the rug] There's a stain on this rug, clean it.
[Fred goes on the floor and looks at the stain on the rug]
Fred: Hmm?
Squidward: Oh come on, it's not too hard.
Barney: He's right, Fred! If a woman can do it then that means anyone can!
Fred: That's true... [still looking at the stain] Barney, get me the mop!
Barney: OK Fred! [struggles to find the mop, eventually does] Here you go! [passes it to Fred]
Fred: Thanks Barney... [uses the mop handle to attack the rug and the portraits on the wall of the set]
[Squidward looks angry]
Fred: Hey look, the stain's gone.
Squidward: Great...
Barney: Gee Squidward, you don't look so good. Do you need a Winsto-
Squidward: NO!
Barney: OK...
[Fred's stomach rumbles]
Fred: Barney, we need to cook!
Barney: But Fred, we don't know anything about cooking.
Fred: It doesn't matter Barney. We can't just eat Winstons for the rest of our lives, although they do taste good like a cigarette should.
[Fred and Barney go to the kitchen]
Squidward: This is the second time this has happened.
[in the kitchen]
Fred: Alright, this shouldn't be that hard. [gets a bowl, pours some cereal, pours some milk, a fire starts in the bowl] OH MY GOD!
[Fred runs back into the set holding the bowl that's on fire]
Fred: FIRE! FIRE! THERE'S A FIRE!
Squidward: WHY DID YOU BRING THE BOWL IN HERE?!
Fred: I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO AND IT'S REALLY HOT!
Squidward: OF COURSE IT IS, IT'S ON FIRE! [a producer comes in and sprays a fire extinguisher]
[Test card]
Unweighted baby: Hello, you're watching Elmo News, I'm unweighted baby repeatedly beaten by a 6'7 male. On Wednesday the chancellor of Spongebotland, Wario, unveiled his budget. Here are some of the highlights.
[Spongebotland parliament]
Wario: WAH! The economy of Super SpongeBot678 3D Land is in great shape!
[the opposition start laughing]
Wario: After 2 hours of research before this budget, I have come to the conclusion that we will not be in a recession! WAH! Nevertheless, our economy is still in bad shape currently. We oughta make the pie higher!
[the government cheers]
Wario: I'm also aware that some people might be concerned about the cost of energy. That's why I am giving every family in Spongebotland free blankets!
[the government cheers]
Wario: This measure will save the average family about 3 SpongeBot Money Currency Dollars. WAH! We will also give 3 million SpongeBot Money Currency Dollars to help support swimming pools!
[the opposition laugh again]
Wario: WAH! Now, the forecast also says that they expect inflation this year. This meets the Prime MInister's target to have inflation this year! 
Someone in the background: YOU DID IT!
Wario: I also want this budget to be pro-business. And by pro-business, I mean for my business! That's why I am making the rich give all the money they don't need TO ME, to help fund WarioWare, Inc! I will be automatically exempt from this. WAH!
[the opposition jeers]
Wario: The opposition may not like that, BUT I DON'T CARE! WE'RE IN GOVERNMENT AND THEY'RE NOT! WAH!
[the government cheers]
Wario: NOW, we're aware that fossil fuels are bad for the environment. Luckily, we found a solution. From now on, all of our energy will be coming from a GIANT HAMSTER WHEEL! WAH! This genius idea cost us 7 billion SpongeBot Money Currency Dollars, BUT IT WILL BE WORTH IT! WAH!
[the government cheers]
Someone in the background: This is going great!
Wario: Work... We need to encourage young people to work. That's why I am making child labour legal! We need to prepare those kids for the real world, I don't care how young they are, they need to get used to what life really is like! WAH!
Wario: And finally, childcare! I am aware that some people afford good childcare. That's why I am opening up child markets!
The entire parliament: OOOOOH...
Wario: That's right, these will be markets where parents can sell their kids. That way if they can't afford the kids anymore, they can be sold on to someone who can afford children.
[everyone starts booing]
Wario: There are no flaws to this plan whatsoever. WAH! [sits down]
[Shadow Chancellor Old Man Walker stands up]
Old Man Walker: I- I'm not sure about that childcare idea. It sounds an awful lot like human trafficking... I- I also don't quite understand how this budget is going to affect my pension... Aaaand I- I- I forgot what I was going to say... [sits down]
[Wario stands up again]
Wario: WAH! I think child markets are an actual idea! I tested them out on Baby Wario and it worked out fine! That demonstration also showed that our child labour idea works well too! Baby Wario has a magnet that helps him attract coins, he's learning how to be rich just like ME! WAH!
[back to New Squidward Chat]
Squidward: Welcome back! I have no clue where Barney went but Fred is here with Wilma now. Fred has something he'd like to say.
Fred: Wilma, I tried to do chores about 5 minutes ago and now I realise how badly I've been mistreating you for all these years... I thought women were just there to do chores for men, but now I know they deserve the same rights as we have. So Wilma... [pulls out a Winston] Do you want a Winston break?
Wilma: [crying] I thought you'd never ask. [Fred lights a cigarette for her]
Announcer: The Flintstones has been brought to you by Winston, America's best selling, best tasting filtered cigarette.
Fred: Winston tastes good like a [clicks lighter] cigarette should!
Squidward: Aw, who knew an episode that started off with sexism would have a happy ending. Well that's it for this week's New Squidward Chat.
Fred: OH MY GOD! [looking through the hole in the wall] THEY'RE TAKING AWAY MY ROCKBO! [runs off]
Producer: Hey, here's your payment for your appearance in the sh-
Fred: Yeah, yeah, yeah! [runs outside and the camera follows him. Speaking to a repo man] HEY BUDDY! TAKE THIS! [gives him the money. The cameraman follows Fred into the car as he and Wilma drive off.]
Flintstones, meet the Flintstones
They're the modern Stone Age Family
From the town of Bedrock
They're a page right out of history
Someday, maybe Fred will win the fight
Then the cat will stay out for the night
When you're with the Flintstones
Have a yabba-dabba-doo time
A dabba-doo time
We'll have a gay old time
We'll have a gay old time!
Fred: WAIT! NOW I HAVE NO MONEY!
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