2017 Power Rankings-Week 3

<---2017 Power Rankings-Week 2....2017 Power Rankings-Week 4
== Introduction ==
What if I told you 2-0 meant about as much as 0-2?
No team that has been in first place through two weeks has gone on to win the Glory Bowl. In fact, only one team leading the standings after two weeks has even made it to the Glory Bowl (Pain Train in 2013). This does not bode well for RIPDab.
0-2 might be a death sentence in the NFL. But in the LOC, teams that start 0-2 still make the playoffs 56% of the time (9 teams out of 16). Papa’s Posse started 0-2 the year they won the Glory Bowl. Paddock 9, Duck Punchers, and RIP all started 0-2 last season before making the Festival of Champions.
2-0 means about as much as 0-2. The season is too young to know anything about anything.
3-0 and 0-3, however...
== Survivor ==
Quite a scare for Nate and Commish as the Cardinals barely got by the Colts, but everyone survived week two.
So far, the right to handpick your first three matchups seems to be paying off for Nate.
== Top Stories ==
* Greg Olsen's broken hand puts The Duck Punchers in a tough spot for the next month and a half. An already volatile position, DP now turns to Hunter Henry. Henry had no targets in week one and was then the 7th highest scoring TE in week two.
* Three of the top four QBs are free agents. Alex Smith, the leading QB scorer, is currently the second highest scoring player in the league.
** Pat ruined this fun fact by picking up Alex Smith last night.
* Papa's Posse has both the highest scoring keeper (Matthew Stafford) and the lowest scoring keeper (Bilal Powell). Ironically, Powell has been started twice and Stafford has been benched twice.
* TSB's LeSean McCoy has been targeted on 53% of Buffalo's passes this season. Free agent Charles Clay is second with 23%. And Zay Jones, an actual WR, is third with just 19%.
** If you think that's bad, RIPDab's Tarik Cohen has seen 21 targets this season. That's 4th among all WR/RB/TEs in the league. Good for Dab. Not much else going on in Chicago.
* This is in no way related to fantasy but made me laugh so decided to include:
** Over his last 18 games, Bortles is averaging more yards per carry (6.17) than adjusted yards per pass attempt (5.80).
== Bust Watch 2017 ==
Let's check back in with our first round picks.
Bust Watch: Total Points for First Round Picks
Player 	Total Points
Antonio Brown 	45.60
DeVonta Freeman 	43.28
AJ Green 	28.30
LeVeon Bell 	27.93
Julio Jones 	27.80
Todd Gurley 	23.95
Jordy Nelson 	21.90
DeMarco Murray 	15.68
David Johnson 	14.73
Odell Beckham Jr.	8.00
Not a good sign for Jarjar that DeMarco Murray is down there with three guys who have missed one game a piece. Even though Jordy didn't cost GBM the game, any lingering injury will have a ripple effect down the road. So far only Freeman and Brown have been able to get it going, with Johnson, Murray, and Nelson early candidates for Bust of the Year.
== The Matchup ==
* Final Score: RIPDab (259.46) vs. The Shotti Bunch (206.65)
September’s two winningest teams combined for a league-high 466.11 points over the weekend in a shocking matchup between perennial semi-finalists.  After The Shotti Bunch put up 259.04 on RIP in the semifinals last season, RIP responded with a final score of 259.46 in week 2.
Shotti's Tyler Eifert underachieved for the second week in a row. RIP'S Travis Kelce, meanwhile, broke out against Philly. Seven players failed to reach projections for TSB, compared to five for RIP.
Shotti won't have to wait long for his revenge. The two will face each other this week in the second leg of the league's first double-header.
== A Record That May Never Be Broken ==
Scoring was down yet again compared to last season, with a league total of just 1925.26. That didn't stop The Shotti Bunch from continuing a streak that is bordering on insurmountable.
Despite the loss, The Shotti Bunch scored over 200 for the 16th straight regular season game.
Team 	Consecutive Weeks Over 200	Year
The Shotti Bunch 	16 	2015-Present
RIPDab 	14 	2013-2014
ma ma momma said 	11 	2014
Papa's Posse 	10 	2011-2012
Garoppoblow Me 	8 	2016
The Duck Punchers 	6 	2012
Pain Train WOO WOO 	5 	2013 & 2016
B-2 Hallway Gangstas	5 	2011
JarJar Stinks! 	4 	2016
Paddock 9 	4 	2012
Sweet Dee 	3 	2015
bob's bananas 	3 	2011
Big Sacks 	3 	2011
IAMGROOT 	3 	2013 & 2014
Brak and Yellow 	2 	2011
Why am I doing this 	2 	2012
GregCincoDos 	1 	2011
butt fuckers 	1 	2012
The next longest active streak behind TSB is currently GBM and RIP...at one game.
== The Rankings ==
In honor of the success of Stephen King’s new on-screen adaptation, “IT,” this week’s theme is “Which Stephen King Novel Are You?”
=== 1(2). RIPDab ===
* Record: 2-0
Obviously, RIP and TSB are jockeying for the top spot in the rankings. RIP recovered nicely from week one and seems to have a lot of consistent talent. QB is a concern, as always, for this emerging powerhouse. But Ty Montgomery appears to be the real deal and is handling a whopping 85% of RB carries for the Pack (that's top-5 RB material).
* Stephen King Novel: Dreamcatcher
Maybe dreamchaser would be more accurate. This team has high hopes, but before their dreams can come true they still have work to do against The Shotti Bunch, his nightmare.
=== 2(1). The Shotti Bunch ===
* Record: 1-1
Shotti is 1-1 for the fifth straight year. No team reads and adjusts to the first few weeks better than TSB, and their consistency has already been discussed. If we see a rare back-to-back loss for Shotti this week, then we get to start questioning the methods. One thing that isn't questionable is the reemergence of Todd Gurley. He has finished as a top-6 back both games this season, after not ranking higher than RB9 all of last year.
* Stephen King Novel: IT
“IT” is whatever you fear most. To some, IT is a scary clown. For others, it is semifinals death by running back. There is no denying he is the ultimate super villain. He just has… “IT.”
=== 3(4). Garoppoblow Me ===
* Record: 1-1
GBM has arrived in 2017. A year after Danny Woodhead’s season-ending injury cost them a week two win against The Shotti Bunch, GBM managed the second highest point total of the week despite Jordy Nelson’s goose egg.  
* Stephen King Novel: The Drawing of the Three
To form his Ka-Tet (rag-tag team of heroes), Roland must draw three people from other worlds into his own. In GBM’s case, he needs to draw three flex players from his bench. And each week is a struggle. 
=== 4(5). The Duck Punchers ===
Record: 2-0
All five starting WRs failed to meet projection for DP this week, and at one point they were projected to lose to lowly JarJar. But Kareem Hunt bailed out Duck Punchers yet again, with the Oakland tandem (D + QB) putting up solid numbers as well. Those three combined for 104.91, 55% of the total score.
* Stephen King Novel: The Gunslinger
With his arsenal of WR’s and a pass-happy QB, DP is coming out this season guns blazing.
And wow, by the way...
=== 5(3). Sweet Dee ===
* Record: 1-1
Not entirely sure what SD was doing benching Carlos Hyde, who is clearly THE guy in San Francisco and probably the NFC West, to start backup RB Theo Riddick. Maybe she should have put "good at setting my lineup" on the Dream Board. SD is 1-1 after starting 2-0 in 2015 and 2016. This is actually the worst start ever for Sweet Dee (7th) after starting 6th, 5th, 1st, 1st their first four seasons.  Next up: one of the league’s remaining undefeated teams.
* Stephen King Novel: The Dark Half
Not sure if anyone has noticed, but Sweet Dee might be going full heel in the LOC. The enemies are stacking up and it seems like Dee is becoming a darker, more dangerous half of the power couple in this league. I call her the Dark Half because she is also a Dreamcatcher, but eviler.
=== 6(6). Paddock 9 ===
* Record: 1-1
P9 was bailed out by an untimely injury to SD's Jimmy Graham and some poor decision making by SD management. But even though Gronk and Beckham aren't yet 100%, P9 is fifth in scoring and couldn't have asked for a better schedule over the next few weeks: his next four opponents are a combined 1-7.
* Stephen King Novel: The Dead Zone
Entering into a matchup with P9 is like entering a black hole of illogic and preposterousness. He'll convince you of how badly you're going to get beat right up until the final whistle of the Monday night game. By then, you'll either be so braindead that you won't realize you actually beat him by 50, or your whole team (and your morale) will be dead because he actually won.
=== 7(7). Pain Train WOO WOO ===
* Record: 2-0
Pain Train ties the regular season series with Mama 5-5 but pulls ahead on the all-time standings (for now). Pain Train claims the dominoes of dominance are falling into place for him and his undefeated team. That being said, the only teams he is currently outscoring are the four teams out of playoff contention. This week will be the first true test of his squad. If he passes, he will shoot up in the rankings.
* Stephen King Novel: “Desperation”
I admit, it is harder to make this joke since Pain Train is undefeated. But the amount of moves this team has made tells me they are desperate to land a sleeper free agent, especially at the tight end spot.
=== 8(8). ma ma momma said ===
* Record: 0-2
No feeding this week. Zeke finished as the RB43, the worst game of his career. Still, Momma could have won, but was done in by Aaron Rodgers in garbage time. The team is 0-2 with Elliot, with the suspension still a possibility in the near future. Tough times for the London Offense. At least they face one of the other two winless teams this week.
* Stephen King Novel: “Needful Things”
As in, this team needs some things, like a decent wide receiver.
=== 9(9). Papa’s Posse ===
* Record: 0-2
Hey, Papa, great game from Rob Kelley. Oh, he's hurt...
That week one, winnable game for Papa continues to loom large as they head into a must win with momma. The Cousins era seems to be drawing to a close. Who will they turn to at RB when the bye weeks start? This team looked promising in the draft but does not seem to be meshing well.
* Stephen King Novel: 11/22/63
That’s the date of the team’s last playoff win.
=== 10(10). JarJar Stinks! ===
* Record: 0-2
Quick, say something nice about JarJar so they don't feel too bad...uh...um...Mike Evans is pretty kewl...
* Stephen King Novel: “Misery”
It is widely known that this novel, about a deranged fan who kidnaps an author, is actually about how King felt trapped by his addiction to drugs. But upon re-read, I’m pretty sure this is just a metaphor for JarJar’s season being held captive by an absolutely horrendous draft.
== Stat Notes ==
* DP becomes the first team to reach 20,000 combined points scored. He does so in 92 games. We’ll see if TSB can make it to 20K faster.
* GBM becomes the 4th team to reach 19,000 combined points scored
* RIP becomes the third team to reach 50 combined wins. Jared hit 49 wins last year but is 0-4 since.
* TSB becomes the 8th team to reach 14,000 regular season points against.
== The Matchups ==
=== The Undercards ===
==== Paddock 9 (197.36) vs. JarJar Stinks! (180.29) ====
What to Watch: JarJar owns the series edge 4-1 but is just plain terrible so far this season. Paddock 9 will be starting a new QB (A.Smith over Mariota). This is projected to be a low scoring affair.
==== ma ma momma said (228.43) vs. Papa's Posse (199.18) ====
What to Watch: Nothing like an ol' week-three must win game. This is the 2016 Million Dollar Game rematch. Momma has owned Papa 8-3 in their team history but lost to them in the Consolation Tournament to finish last. We'll see if momma can get all three RBs going for the first time, and if Papa can squeeze production out of the QB position.
==== Sweet Dee (235.00) vs. Pain Train WOO WOO (222.88) ====
What to Watch: Both of these teams are very high on themselves. After this week, one of them could be sitting under .500, or one of the three undefeated could be going down. This is the rematch of the 2016 Heart and Soul Bowl, which Sweet Dee won. This series is tied 4-4. Rodgers vs. Brees and Julio vs. Antonio are two incredible position battles. New England Defense vs. Jacksonville Defense is a little less flashy but also key.
==== Garoppoblow Me (227.93) vs. The Duck Punchers (220.32) ====
What to Watch: Should be an offensive slugfest. Brady vs. Carr. both with favorable matchups. Dueling Pennsylvania defenses (Philly vs. Pitt). A battle of Golliday (DP) vs. Golden Tate (GBM). Rookies facing off at RB with Fournette (GBM) and Hunt (DP). GBM historically plays poorly against DP, winning just 3 out of 9. But if both teams play well, this could be one for the ages.
=== The Main Event ===
==== The Shotti Bunch (225.31) vs. RIPDab (224.40) ====
* 2017 Wins
** RIPDab: 2-0
** The Shotti Bunch 1-1
* Series Wins
** The Shotti Bunch: 9
** RIPDab: 4
* Thursday Players on Roster
** RIPDab: 0
** The Shotti Bunch: 1
* Sunday Players on Roster
** RIPDab: 16
** The Shotti Bunch: 14
* Monday Players on Roster
** RIPDab: 0
** The Shotti Bunch: 1
* Players to Watch (RIPDab)
** Cam Newton: Banged up last week but faces a Swiss cheese pass defense this weekend. Potential boom alert.
** Jordan Reed: Now Reed is playing with a shoulder injury, as well as the broken foot. C'mon!
** Davante Parker: Fighting for targets with Landry (TSB). Key position battle.
* Players to Watch (The Shotti Bunch)
** Todd Gurley: Gurley will set the pace Thursday night. As long as he does better than Eifert did last Thursday, the team is off to a decent start.
** Tyler Eifert: Once again, Eifert needs to be watched. He is a weakness that could cost TSB more than just an early season game.
** Arizona Defense: We all saw what the Broncos did to the Dallas offense. So can Arizona replicate that success on Monday Night? TSB could be relying on them for the come from behind victory.
Head-to-Head: RIPDab vs. The Shotti Bunch Since 2015
Date 	RIPDab	The Shotti Bunch	Classification 	Series Record
09/28/15	211.99	216.24 	Regular Season 	0-1
11/30/15	187.14	173.46 	Regular Season 	1-1
12/21/15	243.48	263.40 	Semifinals 	1-2
10/31/16	228.40	239.14 	Regular Season 	1-3
11/14/16	270.87	246.83 	Regular Season 	2-3
12/19/16	190.85	259.04 	Semifinals 	2-4
09/18/17	259.46	206.65 	Regular Season 	3-4
From 2015-17, these two have been trading punches. They will have faced a league high 7 times in that span. In each year, RIP has split the season series with TSB and then lost to them in the Semifinals. If they sweep, the narrative might be different. If they split, what can we say other than TSB is right where they need to be moving forward?
== A Somber Conclusion ==
This part hurts.
As much as I love spending entire days writing power rankings, updating the website, and filming LOC Gameday Morning, I have some terrible news: I also have bills to pay. And since I don't get paid for fantasy (that could change if you guys wanna have a meeting about that) I needed to get a job.
I start my new job Monday and it might end in November or I might be working until March. Or I could lose the job by next Friday (fingers crossed). I don't know what that means for the quality of the rankings and LOC Gameday, but I will do my best to sustain excellence through these troubling times.
Thoughts and prayers to me, please. May my free time RIP in peace.