The Warners Beg for Help/Hiding From Redcap, the Goblins, and Fearsome Five With Jenny and Joy's Help

(Later at the apartment building, Cloud's group walked up the stairs to their apartment, still shaken by the Dip incident Rasputin showed them in front of their eyes earlier. Upon arriving at the hallway, they suddenly see Plotz, Scratchensniff, and Ralph sitting there, eating breakfast a maid served them in the hallway. Cloud's group approached in confusion)
Cid: You seriously eating breakfast out here?
Maid: I asked them if they want to eat in the cafe, but they insisted right here.
Plotz: (To the maid) What do you know? (To Cloud's group) You the guys?
Cloud's group: Yes, why?
Plotz: We like a word with you.
(He then turned to the maid)
Plot: Could you leave us alone?
Maid: Sure.
(Then she leaves)
Yuffie: A ladies' man, right?
Plotz: What?! No way!
Ralph: Then why'd you flirt with the maid to let us eat breakfast here a moment ago, Boss?
Scratchisniff: (Through gritted teeth) Ix-nay on the irt-flay!
(Then Plotz changed the subject)
Baby Herman: Look, Valiant. The rabbit didn't kill Acme. He's not a murderer. I should know. He's a dear friend of mine. I tell you, Valiant, the whole thing worlds like yesterday's diapers. Look at this. [Hands Valiant a newspaper for August 1947.] The paper says Acme left no will. That's a load of succotash. Every toon knows Acme had a will. He promised to leave Toontown to us Toons. That will is the reason he got bumped off!
Valiant: Has anybody ever seen this will?
Baby Herman: Ah, no. But he gave us his solemn oath.
Valiant: If you believe that that joker could do anything solid, the gag's on you pal!
Baby Herman: I just figured since you were the one who got my pal in trouble, you might want to help get him out. I can pay ya.
Valiant: Save your money for a pair of elevator shoes!
(Then Cloud's group entered their apartment and slammed the door shut. A short pause, then....)
Ralph: (Shrugs) Oh, well.
Scratchinsniff: We tried.
Plotz: Indeed.
(Then they walked away. In their apartment, Cloud's group were relaxing while Cloud angrily slams the newspaper onto his desk in frustration, with the front page reporting Acme Jr.'s murder)
Valiant: It ain't my fault the rabbit got himself in trouble. [Drinks the drink.] All I did was take a couple of lousy pictures...
[As Valiant takes off his jacket he bends over the pictures of Acme and Jessica he took the night before and notices something in Acmes pocket magnified by the glass he put on top of it. Most of it is blurry, but he can make out one word: "Will." Opening a bag in a rush, he gets out his magnifying glass to get a closer look. In Marvin's pocket an envelope sticks out with the words 'Last Will and Testament' written on it.]
Valiant: Baby was right! [pauses for contemplation] The hell with it.
[Valiant crosses over the office to some drawers which he pulls to reveal a fold up bed. He gets in and rolls over to come face to face with Roger.]
Eddie & Roger: AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!
[They both leap out of bed and the bedspread flipped out like a cartoon of Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, Betty Boop, Bugs Bunny, Tweety, Tinker Bell, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Cinderella, Alice in Wonderland, Bugs Bunny, Lady and the Tramp, Sleeping Beauty and Mary Poppins.]
Valiant: How the hell did you get in here?
Roger: Through the mail slot. I thought it would be best if I waited inside, seeing's how I'm wanted for murder.
Valiant: No kidding! Just talking to you could get me a rap for aiding and abetting. Wait a minute. Anybody know you're here?
Roger: Nobody. Not a soul. Except, uh...
Valiant: WHO?
Roger: Well you see... [Leaping on to the bed.] I didn't know where your office was. So I asked the newsboy. He didn't know. So I asked the fireman, the greengrocer, the butcher, the baker, they didn't know! But the liquor store guy, he knew.
Valiant: In other words, the whole damn town knows you're here! [Grabs Roger and tries to throw him out the door.] Come on! Get out of here! Get out! Get out of the door will ya! Get out! Take your hands off the door, will ya?
Roger: Hey! Hey, Eddie, take it easy will ya. Please, Eddie, don't throw me out. You're making a big mistake. I didn't kill anybody. I swear. This whole thing's a set up. A scam. A frame job! Ow! Eddie. I could never hurt anybody. [Valiant is stretching Roger out in his attempt to make Roger let go of the door frame.] Ow! My whole purpose in life is to maaake, peeeeopllllle, llllllllllllllaugh!
[Roger's grip on the door frame finally breaks and the two of them fly backwards across the office. Valiant lands in a heap on the floor and Roger lands on the bed.]
Roger: O.K. O.K. sure, I admit it. I got a little steamed when you showed me those pictures of Jessica. So I ran down to the Ink and...
[Valiant dives at Roger, but merely sends Roger into the air and Valiant lands in a heap on the other side of the bed.]
Roger: ...Paint Club. But she wasn't in her dressing room so I wrote her a love letter.
Valiant: Wait a minute! Wait a minute. You're telling me, that in a fit of jealousy, you wrote your wife a love letter?
Roger: That's right! I know that she was just an innocent victim of circumstance.
Valiant: I suppose you used the old lipstick on the mirror routine, huh?
Roger: Lipstick, yes. Mirror, no. I found a nice clean piece of paper. [He holds it up and begins to read.] 'Dear Jessica. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. One one thousand! Two one thousand! Three one thousand! Four one thous...'
Valiant: Why didn't you just leave the letter there?
Roger: Obviously, a poem of this power and sensitivity must... [Valiant grabs Roger by the ears and throws him out of his way.] Aaaaaaagh!... be read in person, so I went home to wait for her. But the weasels were there waiting for me, so.... So I ran.
Valiant: So why come to me? I'm the guy that took the pictures of your wife!
[Roger looks through a book containing newspaper cuttings of Valiant's past cases.]
Roger: Yeah! And you're also the guy that helped all these toons. Everybody knows when a toon's in trouble, there's only one place to go. Valiant and Valiant.
Valiant: Not anymore. [Looks up to see Roger about to sit in a 1910s dusty chair, opposite Valiant.] Get out of that chair!!
[A fearful Roger slips his fingers off the chair, leaving marks in the dust since 1914.]
Valiant: That's my brother's chair.
Roger: Yeah! Where is your brother anyway? [Looking at picture.] He looks like a sensitive and... sober fellow.
Valiant: That's it. [Picks up the 1910s phone.] I'm calling the cops.
Roger: Go ahead! Call the cops! I come here for help and what do you do? You turn me in. No, don't. Don't feel guilty about me. [Opens a door.] So long... and thanks for nothing.
[Roger slams the door behind him sending a pile of papers on a nearby set of drawers crashing down.]
Valiant: That's the closet! Stupe.
[Valiant gets up and opens the door. There is no one inside. Suddenly, Roger appears from inside one of the jackets.]
Roger: Eddie Valiant! You're under arrest! [Puts 1910s handcuffs on Valiant.] Plplplplplll!!
Valiant: Get outta here! [Throws Roger out and on to the bed] Idiot. I got no keys for these cuffs.
Roger: Huh?
[Outside comes the sound of a car siren.]
Valiant: Yaaaagh!
[Roger shoots across to the other side of the room dragging Valiant with him and opens the blinds to look outside. It is the weasels.]
Smart Ass: Come on! Get the lead out will ya! Move it would ya! Move it!
Roger: Yaaaaggghh! It's the Toon Patrol!
[Roger dives under the bed dragging Valiant with him but the bed folds up into the wall.]
Roger: Hide me, Eddie! Plplplplease!
[He then tries hiding in some drawers making Valiant bang his head on the side.]
Valiant: Ungh!
Roger: [From the top drawer] Remember, you never saw me.
Valiant: GET OUTTA THERE!!!
Roger: Don't let em... [Valiant pulls Roger out.] ...find me! Come on, Eddie. You're my only hope!
Smart Ass: [Banging on door] Open up in the name of the law! (We know where you are. We know you're in there! Open the door Valiant.)
Roger: Plplplease, Eddie. You know there's no justice for toons anymore. If the weasels get their hands on me... I'm as good as dip.
Smart Ass: Don't make us wait up, Valiant. We just want the rabbit.
Roger: What are we gonna do, Eddie? What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?
[There is more banging on the door.]
Valiant: What's all this "we" stuff? They just want the rabbit.
[The handle to the door is shot off by a machine gun. The door swings open to reveal Wheezy holding the gun and then the other weasels appear and begin to make their way into the room.]
Greasy: Looks like they gave us the slip, huh, boss?
Smart Ass: Nah. Valiant's got him stashed somewhere. [He sees Valiant at the sink and holds him at gunpoint.] Hold it right there.
Valiant: Hello, boys. I didn't hear you come in.
[Smart Ass pulls up a chair and stands on top of it.]
Smart Ass: O.K. wise guy. Where's the rabbit?
Valiant: Haven't seen him.
Smart Ass: <Sniff> What's in there?
Valiant: [Holding up wet sock] My lingerie.
Smart Ass: Gech! Geez, Valiant.
[As Smart Ass turns away, Roger suddenly bursts out of the sink.]
Roger: Cough! Gag!
[Valiant hurriedly forces Roger back under and Smart Ass gives Valiant a suspicious look.]
Smart Ass: Search the place, boys. And leave no stone "interned". [Stands on the chair again.] Look, Valiant. We got a reliable tip off that the rabbit was here, and it was "corrugated" by several others. So cut the "bully".
Valiant: You keep talking like that and I'm going to have to wash your mouth out.
[Valiant stuffs the soap in Smart Ass' mouth and he rolls down the stairs.]
Smart Ass: Ooomph!
[Roger bursts out of the sink again.]
Stupid: Herh herh herh herh!
Greasy: Hagh Hagh hagh hagh!
Wheezy: Hehh Hehh hheh!
Psycho: Hee heee hee-hee!
Smart Ass: Stop that laughing! [He spits the soap bar right into Wheezy sending him flying across the room to crash into the blinds.] Stop that laughing! You know what happens when you can't... [He whacks Psycho over the head.] ...stop... [He whacks Greasy over the head.] ...laughing! [He throws the plunger at Stupid, which sticks on his face and onto the filing cabinet.] One of these days, you're gonna die laughing. [Leaps up on to chair.] As for you, Valiant, step outta line and we'll hang you and your laundry out, to dry... [Splashes the water in the sink] Heh eh eh! Come on, boys. Let's am-scray.
[Roger bursts out of the sink and water fountains out of his mouth.]
Valiant: They're gone.
Roger: [Ringing the water out of his ears.] Jeepers, Eddie! That was swell. You saved my life! How can I ever repay ya!
[He grabs Valiant and gives him a big kiss. Valiant struggles and throws him off.]
Valiant: Mmmmmmmeurh! For starters, don't EVER kiss me again.
Category:Fan Fiction
Category:Who Framed Roger Rabbit Fanmakes
Category:Who Framed Roger Rabbit Parodies