Nude Beach/Transcript

(At the Nude Beach, Gretchen takes off her bikini top)
Linda: Hey, whoa, God! We're not even at the nude beach yet, you.
Gretchen: Guess my boobs didn't get the memo. Ha!
Linda: It's like we're in Paris. I love it.
Gretchen: I know. C'est la vie.
Linda: Let's go! Whoo!
Louise: Keep hacking! Come on, guys, we're gonna be the Lewis and Clark of nudism!
Tina: I'll be the Sacajawea.
Gene: Of sacks!
Linda: This is fun! (gasps) You already took your bottoms off! Whoa, whoa! What kind of shape is that?
Gretchen: I don't know, it started out to be a triangle, but then I had to do it myself, and then, I don't know... it's like a flower or something. (points) Whoa. Check out the hot guys in the drum circle. Hi!
Linda: Hey, that looks like... Oh, my God!
(At the restaurant)
Linda: Bobby, you're not gonna believe this. He was at the nude beach!
Bob: Wait, who was there?
Linda: Hugo!
Bob: Yeah, he was trying to shut the place down.
Linda: No, he's one of them now.
Bob: One of what?
Linda: A nudist! Nudie! He was playing in the waves. (chuckles) Dancing around. He looked like, ah... Madonna in the "Cherish" video.
Bob: Th-that's not possible.
Linda: He said he took a leave of absence to be nude.
Bob So... Hugo's not our health inspector anymore? Do you know what this means? We're free!
Linda: Ah! Oh, oh!
Bob: No more surprise inspections!
Linda: Ha, ha!
Bob: No more stupid violations! And I am not going to the handwashing class! (Takes off "Dirty Stinky Hands" sign on window)
Edith: Filth!
Bob: I wash my hands.
(Later)
Bob: Unbelievable. Hugo the health inspector is a nudist!
Linda: I know, can you believe it? Gretchen and I spotted him from across the sands...
(The nude beach)
Hugo: Out with the bad air, in with the nude air. Don't be embarrassed, Linda. Yes, we were once an item, and true, we never saw each other nude back then... unfortunately... but better late than never.
Linda: What happened? I thought you were gonna shut this place down.
Hugo: Oh, my investigation? Let's just say what I uncovered in that investigation was my very own soul.
Linda: Wow.
Hugo: The old Hugo would have seen this man as a health hazard, pure and simple. The new Hugo sees only a man. A nude man selling blondies. Three blondies, please.
Linda: Whoa, wai... Wha... Where'd you pull that from?
Hugo: My fanny pack.
Linda: Where's your fanny pack?
Hugo: Oop. Oh-ho! There it is.
(The restaurant)
Bob: Well, it kind of makes sense. I mean, the guy was wound so tight he was like a tubby little time bomb.
Linda: Teletubby time bomb.
Bob: Kids! Come in here! I have amazing news.
Louise: Can't it wait? We're tired.
Gene: And rashy. (grunt)
Linda: Where were you?
Tina: Bushwacking a trail to the nude overlook.
Louise: Dad, before you say anything, know that we're gonna come out of this deal stinkin' rich!
Gene: And we're gonna put a roof over you and Ma.
Bob: Well, good luck. I'd pay not to have to look at those people.
Tina: Hey, Dad, whoa, whoa, whoa, rewind. I'd like to hear your amazing news.
Bob: Everyone, Hugo is not a health inspector anymore.
Linda: He's a nudist!
Category:Transcripts