The Right Conversation Never Hurt

"The Right Conversation Never Hurt" is a BOTGD 2 thread written on [date].
== Summary ==
== Full Text ==
Yun: It had been a long moment since Yun had felt the familiar deja vu of an almost-familiar timeline. One of the major threads adjacent to the Golden Timeline had taken a beating. But it was still intact. Their version of the Battle of the Jaw had been rough, but due to their proximity, they had managed to make it through eventually. It was not without strategy and struggle, and the Construct had taken a regrettable amount of lives. But the Rebellion pressed on.
However, Yun wasn't here searching for answers, or predictions, or lost stories. He'd come for someone in particular, trying to fulfill an itch he hadn't been able to scratch for some time now. The burn of Milae's awful experience the last time he was here was lingering in his mouth and on his seal, and he did his best to avoid anyone notable that might hold a grudge against the goat. Thus, he spent some time blipping around Haligan, which was more populated than the original island, and at most, his interactions with the residents were to return their confused waves with a cheery one, before disappearing to discover where a tall, blond-haired man had holed himself away.
Jaejin: Jaejin had been moving semi-constantly for the past weeks in attempts to avoid a certain deer half breed who knew where he usually hung around, unable to face him with the knowledge that he could disappear any time soon. It's been a success so far, but it wasn't something he could celebrate. Nothing about this was.
Today he was situated in the upper rooms of one of the houses tucked in the corner of the island, left empty by its occupant after their unfortunate demise at the Jaw. Virion had its head laid gently on his lap as the Bookkeeper leaned against him, thumbing delicately through his own journal as he slowly read entries. It was almost peaceful, only broken when Yun appeared. He sat up in a panic, startling his golem from his lap with a caw.
But it didn't last long, as the rush of blood and magic subsided, so did they. J sighed, tucking a long fringe behind one ear then leaning back once more, eyeing him with a furrowed brow, "You shouldn't be here, right?" The soft tone was an odd mix of worried reprimanding, neutral statement of fact, and curiosity.
Yun: Milae had never actually gotten to speak with J, and so Yun had no memories of seeing him up close. It was truly uncanny, and Yun stood for a moment, caught off-guard with his mouth slightly open.
"Um...oh, sorry." He folded his arms behind his back and rocked from toe to heel. "I...well, Milae isn't strict. He can't really be. I have to bounce off timelines to travel anyways. I'm just...sitting in the gray area for longer." Yun paused, realizing that may not have made much sense to J. He instead stuck out a hand, sunlight catching the markings across his fingers. "Hi."
J: He watched the movement, undeniable intrigue crossing his face as his gaze followed the lines, before standing up to meet him properly, almost floating as Virion unfurled itself in one sweep to move its master, then folding into an invisible bend of space tucked safely in the back of the Bookkeeper's scarf.
He rose above Yun at the exact height he expected him to, fringe stubbornly falling out of place again as he took the hand in greeting. The crease in his brow lessened considerably, and he surprised himself by turning up a small smile, "Hello." It was a pale, slender hand gripped in a small, tattooed one, and it felt naturally in place.
J slipped back into his reserved self, some pink dusting the tops of his ears, and he gave Yun a pat on the shoulder in motion to follow him downstairs, "Might as well sit somewhere more proper than a dead man's bedroom, if so."
Yun: Yun looked after him with huge eyes, and then he spun around to look at the room, like a ghost would pop out and try to eat him. When nothing happened, he whirled back around and skittered after J, accidentally rushing too close and nearly bumping the back of him while he followed.
J: He was lucky enough that their steps were timed just right that they didn't collide completely as J continued with the casual athleticism that all Bookkeepers seemed to have, briefly glancing over his shoulder. It was the golem that chattered instead when it saw what happened, rippling slightly as if telling Yun to be careful.
Downstairs was a melancholy atmosphere, dust particles floating lazily, sunlight continuing to stream through the windows. J had cleaned surfaces he had been using, but it was evident that the place had been empty.
"Virion, if you'd be so kind..." he said softly. There was a clatter and a hum from what would've been the kitchen as what seemed like invisible hands prepared tea for them, also somehow lighting a small flame in the modest fireplace.
J took a seat, one long leg crossed over the other with hands tucked inside sleeves. It was all very surreal and familiar. He tilted his head, "To what do I owe this visit?"
Yun: Yun went to sit across from him, but he hesitated with his hands on the back of the chair and then scooted around the table, sitting next to him instead. “Um...not much,” he said honestly. “Sort of checking on things, sort of...” He stared down at his fingers, which had once again predictably began to fidget. He sighed; it was almost impossible to lie in front of the Bookkeepers. He was coming to terms with that. “Maybe just wanting to talk. I...I saw what it’s like out there.” Yun tipped his forehead towards the front door, to the outside. “I didn’t realize things had gotten that bad, and...I’m sorry I didn’t help.”
J: He watched him, a grim smile touching the corner of his mouth, "I don't think you need to apologize for anything." He gave the bag that held his Library a pat, "We managed. Juro's entry... and you, still helped a lot..." Of course, it had brought on different complications, but at the end of it... they were still alive.
"It's better for you to be there than here," he met his eyes, "Don't worry about it."
Yun: “Easier said than done.” But the gratitude for J’s words shone in his eyes, and he shifted from side to side, like one burden had already been rolled off of a pile of other, heavier worries.
“I don’t know, I just…” He bounced his folded hands on the table a few times, thinking. “It’s harder being there than anywhere else. This whole thing is hard, with the…” He mimicked the tightening links of a chain with his interlocked fingers. “So I just wanted to come see you because…I don’t know, I wanted to make sure you were okay, and maybe…hear from someone that I can actually talk to.” His shoulders lifted sheepishly. “Maybe that’s not the most selfless thing, but…”
J: His hand had come out to place over Yun's linked fingers, staring at it worriedly, like the motion would help keep it intact, unaware of how he had just moved. The touch was brief and he recoiled upon realization, but covered it again after a second thought, squeezing his hand before letting go once more.
"I'm fine," he said, automatic, but they both knew that was also a lie.
He shook his head, "We're stuck in this... impossible conundrum with no tangible solution in sight so we've all been dealing with it differently. But also..." His finger tapped his knee delicately, "... we're in some collective agreement that.... we're thankful. To you and Milae. For being there, for both Jin and Juro."
J tilted his head to the side, a little doubtful in how he was conveying the sentiment, "Doing your best and fighting, when all we can do is watch..."
Yun: "Oh." Yun's voice squeaked far too high, and he dipped his head, folding his arms tightly across the table. He felt fiercely embarrassed for some reason. "Um, it's alright if you're not fine...it's not really fair, I know it's not."
A finger hurriedly moved to scratch at the wood grain in the table, hoping to distract from the leftovers of a single drop of moisture that had splashed onto it. "I'm just trying to help, you know. But I want to be doing it for the right reasons. Some of...some of Milae's memories are kind of scary. The way he thinks about other timelines. Like, he really does just see them as thread sometimes, especially if they don't have a good Rebellion in them. But the Bookkeepers and the Library helped me see how valuable they all are no matter what, so I kind of..." He hesitated. He was going to say something along the lines of owing it to them to help with both preserving stories and time itself, but that wasn't it. The right words managed to spill out, though.
"I think I just love you guys and the Library a lot. That's it."
J: There was no initial reaction from him when he said that, and the words hung in the air. The mundane sounds of tea preparation finally stopped, and a hum replaced it as two steaming cups with their hot drinks appeared on the table.
Yun spotted movement out of the corner of his eye. J had placed a finger over his lips, expression unchanged at first glance, but what was remarkable to see was the Bookkeeper, now looking at him with slightly wider eyes, flushed red across the tops of his cheeks, the blush bleeding to his ears and down his neck.
“You l-- wait...” To witness a stammering Bookkeeper was certainly a sight. His hand shifted to cover his mouth more, staring dumbly at Yun, “...all of us?”
Yun: "Wh--of--of course." Yun barely hesitated, but it seemed to surprise him, too. Eyes were bright and glistening, he laughed as though to himself, looking back down. "That's why this is so hard. I can't tell him. Not if I want all of you to be okay. So I...I guess that's why I'm really here."
His hand crept across the table, resting between their cups, a silent plea for contact. "I love you, and I want this to all be okay. I want to be strong enough to make it okay." 
J: He stared silently between his hand and him for a long time, getting more red by the passing second as he processed Yun’s words.
Of all the emotions the Bookkeepers ignored, love was what J had the most difficulty dealing with. Not in the sense of because he can’t feel, or he won’t feel, but because it was all he could. All he wanted. 
And the one he believed he could never properly have.
It hit him far too hard, far too close, what with Rio, his regret with his hesitations, his shackles in neutrality, his impending demise. And Yun... someone he technically had never met, and only read in the Library but felt an immediate endearment towards no matter how mild. His struggle, his resolve... it was so much.
It was one pale hand that gripped Yun’s at first, tight and shaking. But soon it became two, as J held it between both, slightly pulling it closer to him towards his knees, as he kept his head down. There wasn’t much Yun could see other than the crown of his blond head, the red tips of his ears... and a few drops of tears on his hand. 
Yun: Yun immediately covered their hands with his last free one and squeezed, swiping the drops away. "Oh--hey..." The chair he sat in creaked slightly as he scooted to the edge and leaned over, resting his forehead against J's with a gentle bump. His heart felt swollen to the point of pain as it thumped slowly in his chest, both healing and hurting immensely. They both needed this. He could feel it.
"It's gonna be alright," he said quietly, his throat catching. "I promise."
J: J lifted his head to respond, his mouth hung slightly open, but he found that he couldn’t speak. Instead, it was the same, familiar grin Yun knew that trembled, then collapsed into distress again as he lost control of his mask. His head dipped once more, but this time it was towards his shoulder, leaning his forehead on the green fabric, because this was all he could do to hide himself again.
“…please,” it was a few minutes before J could finally say something, the words mumbled low, “I don’t want to disappear… We’re… I’m counting on you…”
Yun: “I know, I…”
Yun’s arms came up around J’s middle and he buried his face in return, unable to suppress his tears any longer. “I’m scared,” he confessed, voice thick and muffled. “But I’m going to try. I p-promise, I’m going to try my best. I don’t want to lose any of you.”
As he spoke, there was another frequency, different from Virion’s, that shivered in the little space between their hug and in the air of their lungs. But instead of being massively powerful and threatening, it was low, almost comforting in its tone, and under Yun’s sleeves, there was a gentle shimmer of light, like the sun glimmering through a shaded tree. Yun hugged J tighter, like the tall man would slip through his arms if he didn’t hold on.
J: It wasn’t that J was touch starved, but he realized how much he longed for a sincere embrace like this, especially since his self imposed isolation. He wrapped his arms around Yun in return, one hand supporting the back of his head, sleeves engulfing their faces as they both hid, the soft surge of magic echoing between them. His eyes cracked open slightly, and teal reflected in amber that was too bright for a brief moment.
He let him go to look at him properly, “That’s all I could ever ask…” he said, voice strained but also filled with intense gratitude, “Thank you,” he reiterated the thought, “for being here.”
Yun: The seidkonur nodded, grinning shakily while rubbing the inside of his wrist against his wet cheeks. The action made him look even younger than he already was, like a child finishing a small fit after getting hurt. It wasn’t a perfect replacement for what he longed for; it could never be. But he knew that it was far more than people separated from their loved ones could ask for, so he cherished it for what it was. “I’ll have to come back when things are better,” he joked. “I don’t want to be the guy that shows up when there’s bad news all the time.”
J: A short chuckle escaped him, and he tucked a strand behind an ear again, “Hopefully a time when the tea won’t get cold…” His gaze slid over to where they were served, slightly regretful, but not too much, for what came out of it was something better. He turned to Yun again, an effort at some confidence for a brighter future, as he placed his hope in the young man, “I’ll be waiting for you. With Rio.”
Yun: Yun put an elbow on the table and rested his forehead in his hand in embarrassment. “Ah, not again…sorry. I get too excited about seeing you guys sometimes.” The pang of a cold breakfast hit his gut, but he tried to discard it as best he could. He looked up to meet J’s eyes and gave him another crooked grin, which slowly fell and twisted into a sheepish thoughtfulness. A brief jolt of nerves pumped through him.
“Can…can I ask you for one more thing? I’ll trade you, for sure.”
J: “You know the way of the Bookkeeper well,” he said, cheeks turning up in amusement, “Although that would be expected. What is it?”
Yun: Yun finished cleaning up under his chin and took a breath, staring at the cooling tea on the table. He pulled it closer and ran a finger along the rim of the cup, and as the shimmer in his tattoos very slowly declined, the buzz of magic around his fingers made a soft unearthly ringing as it interacted with the cup.
“If you can see,” he said, in almost a hoarse whisper, “and if he’s writing, can you…can you tell me if…if the modern Bookkeeper is doing alright? I know he’s still there, but…” His finger paused and hovered over the surface of the tea, making the liquid vibrate slightly. The truth was, he’d been far too worried about mixing up Juro in anything by asking him about Jin, and in the end, he knew that it had probably been better for his focus and training to not be obsessing about his well-being. But the ache to know had finally outgrown the fear of possible bad news. “I don’t know if you can. And you don’t have to tell me what he says. Just…if he’s…hanging in there. Please,” he added politely.
J: J gazed at him with a look that understood, “I can.”
The Bookkeeper didn’t bother opening his Library–he knew exactly what Jin was writing. After all, he had just finished reading those exact entries the moment Yun appeared earlier.
“He’s writing,” he said softly, “A lot.”
“They’re… different than usual. They’re short. Meeting the bare minimum.” J carefully placed a hand on Yun’s head, but it was more in assurance rather than in playful teasing, “But they’re also consistent. Almost like clockwork, once, twice, even three times a day. Committed to the task. It’s stubborn, almost… like a defiance against all odds.”
Yun: The slump of relief that J saw was like watching a mountain landslide. Layers of stress and hesitation and worry sloughed off of Yun like entire sheets of terrain, and he pushed his hands into his face under his glasses, exhaling slowly. His aura of magic died away entirely. “Þakka goðir…” he breathed. Yun leaned into J’s shoulder, like he’d been exerted with the reassurance. “I was scared he was just going to stop and I wouldn’t know if…”
J: "A Bookkeeper is a Bookkeeper through and through,” J replied, unknowingly pulling the seidkonur closer to him. The level of ease he felt with Yun was nothing short of astonishing, that the man didn’t even realize how open he was being around him, “Despite our… ah, varying levels of… err, dedication, Juro’s essence still lies in all of us. We can’t not write. We were all birthed from the same mortal soul through the same mortal magic, that’s why we rely so much on…”
J’s eyes glazed over for a moment, losing his train of thought. It felt like he had something to say… something very important, but it dissipated out of coherence as it reached the tip of his tongue. He shook his head, getting back on track, “Jin may be on the opposite side of the multiverse, but he and Juro are arguably the most similar to each other. He won’t stop, I can promise you that…”
Yun: Yun let his cheek plump against J’s shoulder as he looked up at him, nodding at his affirmation with still-shining eyes, but also with intense curiosity. “What do you rely on?” he prodded. He assumed J meant the lock, or Juro himself, or maybe Hel. 
J: “You know, Juro–” he made the familiar motion towards the bottom of his sternum, “–his magic, and all that. Keeping us alive right now, it’s what spawned us in the first place when Hel sealed it up. But the lock exists because he doesn’t know how to control it, especially since it’s all stolen mortal magic from Chuugo and no real divine…”
The way J looked at Yun was unfocused, as if there was a disconnect. Like a fuzzy signal on an old TV, “…he doesn’t want to learn, so… souls are unstable… otherwise we can…” He trailed off as a soft glow emanated all around him, very faint and easily missed unless one squinted, shifting between blues and golds. His hand started slipping from where he held Yun’s head.
Yun: Like a river bursting a dam, Yun’s own magic amped back up, ultramarine light pouring halfway up his arms as he gripped J’s shoulders, wrought with a sudden primal fear as he looked up at the Bookkeeper. “J, hold on! Stop!” he cried in alarm. He clenched a glowing hand around J’s slender one, trying to get J to focus on him. He had no idea what triggered this, or how to get it to stop.  Whenever he twitched his own fingers, he heard thread stretching and plinking. “I-i-it’s okay, you’re okay. N-neutral, remember?” he tried. 
J: The surge of magic and panic and the added motion of Yun gripping his shoulders caused him to sway slightly, still hazy in his focus. The house was tensely quiet save for the sound of pulled cosmic thread. But as sudden as the appearance of the odd blue-gold light, it vanished into nothing, and J’s pale, parchment skin no longer glowed.
“Uhn…” he slumped a little as he shook his head, trying to get his bearings. Otherwise, he seemed completely fine. When he opened his eyes, he was greeted with teal light and a very worried face looking up at him, “Y-yun? What’s… why are you activating?”
Yun: The inversion of the familiar situation hit him square in the lungs, along with an intense wave of relief, and Yun’s eyes watered and his chest heaved as he tried to get his breathing back under control, coughing a few times as his constricted throat got in the way. “Oh my god,” he said hoarsely, “you were talking about Juro and the lock and stolen magic and s-something about souls, and…your magic started doing something, it was really scary–” He hiccuped and cut off his ramble to attempt breathing. “I thought something bad was going to happen–”
J: “I-I’m sorry, I don’t–” J stammered, pulling him close into an embrace in hopes to help calm him down, “I’m fine. I promise. You didn’t hear any chains right? It’s okay, I’m sorry…”
A feeling of guilt washed over him, but also confusion. He had no idea what Yun was talking about. He couldn’t remember anything after reassuring him about Jin’s state.
Yun: “No, I-I didn’t…” Yun gently tugged his fingers into J’s robes, and the light from near-elevating again slowly began to drain away. He was here. He was fine. All the worst-case scenarios that had started boiling in his head began to dissipate one by one, and although his chest hurt, his asthma attack lessened in J’s arms. “I just didn’t know what was happening…I thought you couldn’t use magic?”
J: “…I don’t,” he said cautiously. That was what puzzled him the most, “I’m one of the few Golden Timeline Bookkeepers who don’t have innate magic… although amplification itself solely belongs to Juro.”
He reached over for one of the cold teas. It was lukewarm at best, but anything was better than nothing, “Here…” his voice was softer than before.
Yun: The young man accepted the tea, drank half of it down and put it back on the table, pressing up to J’s side again. Now his mind was racing with less anxious thoughts. “That’s weird,” he murmured. “You were talking about how Juro was keeping all the Bookkeepers alive, and that he has the lock because he doesn’t know how to use it…or didn’t ever want to learn, for some reason…then you got really weird and I saw magic, and then I got spooked and almost elevated…” His words faded into concentration, and his hand found J’s, linking fingers and holding it tight. “I mean, I do sort of the same thing. I get triggered by wanting to protect Jin or Juro and it’s like I black out for a second. Maybe it’s similar…”
J: He was listening as intently as he could to Yun. Keeping all the Bookkeepers alive. He has the lock because he doesn’t know– His eyes narrowed at that. Something was off. He could still see Yun talking, his lips were moving for sure, but he couldn’t hear him well. The words seemed to darken, like they were run behind shadows and became indecipherable. But it was quick. –I got spooked and almost elevated. Everything was clear from there.
“Maybe… right… ” He gave his hand a squeeze, blinking and nodding with a furrowed brow, but it was evident that J didn’t know what was going on, “I’m sorry. I don’t know. I just don’t remember anything…”
Yun: Yun’s eyes were still analytical when he glanced up from his shoulder, but they immediately softened at J’s confusion. “It’s okay. I’m…I’ll have to think about it.” He squeezed both his hands. “Thank you, so much. I’ll probably come back sometime, so I–oh! Do you still want your story?”
J: One corner of his lips tugged into the signature crooked grin, but it was a sincere one from J. He shook his head, “Hold onto it. I want to hear it the next time you return. You’re really easy to talk to, this was…” He lowered his lashes as he trailed off, this time his turn to rest his forehead against his, feeling much lighter than he did in the past days, “I look forward to seeing you again.”
Yun: Yun’s blush rivaled J’s, but he also hummed happily, beaming from ear to ear. “Me too. Tell Rio I said hi, okay?” He fumbled a bit to get out of his chair without tripping, still holding onto J’s hands. His chest puffed up a little as he added, “And keep reading, I’ll work on the weird stuff, and also Milae says we might try sparring with Nala again now that I’m getting the hang of it.”
J: J couldn’t help but laugh, finding him so endearing. He nodded, “Yes sir,” Their hands hovered in the air, still gripping the other, Yun standing taller than the Bookkeeper as he looked up at him with fondness in his amber eyes, before finally letting go, “Kick some ass.”
Yun: Yeah, you’ll be so cool. 
Yun’s grin watered up a little, but he kept smiling, feeling better rather than worse, and with a small flash and a swell of dizziness, he was gone, already trotting back towards the Jaw with a newfound vigor.
J: The rush of blood and magic simmered as the teal light disappeared, leaving J by himself in the borrowed house once more. Now it felt too big, too empty, too loud in there. He realized how much he missed being with other people.
His hands made their way to his face, feeling where wet trails had dried, the weary red smudges under the corners of his eyes remained. He felt tired, his energy all used up, but the good kind, for it was also more free, the few drops of vulnerability lifting some weight off his chest despite not fully saying it aloud. It wasn’t much, but allowing himself to break, even for a moment, even wordlessly, letting the emotion speak for itself, and being closer to someone else in comfort and assurance… it helped. Yun helped.
“It’s gonna be alright, I promise.” Hope swelled in him, and he leaned forward in his seat in reaction, it was almost overwhelming that he even dared to, but he believed it. The sense of helplessness and defeat was slowly, but surely dissipating.
Virion chirped from its nest behind J’s scarf, startled when the Bookkeeper got to his feet, sweeping the dirty cups towards the sink before heading towards the door. “No thank you, Virion,” he replied to the questioning croon from the golem as he stepped outside, the chilly air hitting his flushed cheeks. His eyes were set with determination, sleeves fluttering gently in the wind as he tucked a strand of hair behind an ear.
“I… I think I’ll walk to Rio’s today…”