Legend of the Woods

Legend of the Woods is the fourth episode of SpongeThorne.
== Transcript ==
(The episode opens with an outside shot of The Krusty Krab. A neon sign reading "first ghost found here" flickers for a few seconds before dying out completely. Cut to the interior. The restaurant is almost empty. SpongeBob is mopping the floor, Squidward is reading "PlaySquid" and Mr. Krabs is leaning on a mock-up shelf labelled a gift shop "gift shop" selling poorly made merchandise resembling the members of PISS.)
Mr. Krabs: (worried laugh) Quite a lot of customers we've got in, right people?
Squidward: (turns the pages of his magazine) Not really.
Mr. Krabs: Heh-heh.
(A tumbleweed rolls past.)
Mr. Krabs: (sighs and walks over to Squidward) Yeah, you're right Mr. Squidward. This place has been out of business ever since that lousy Discord Fast Food thingamajig opened up across the street!!
(Hoopla, Temmie and Dave enter.)
Hoopla: -for the last time, Temmie, you can't bring a dog to a-
Mr. Krabs: Hoopla! You're back!
(Mr. Krabs rushes over to the three and hugs them.)
Mr. Krabs: Oh! How's my money-making trio doing?!
Hoopla: Alright, I guess.
Mr. Krabs: Let me get you all seated!
(Mr. Krabs forcibly pushes them onto a fancy cushioned bench next to a fancy table and takes out a notepad.)
Mr. Krabs: What can I get you three?
Dave: I'll, uh, just have the standard Krabby Patty, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: (laughs) Oh, you stopped working for me years ago! Just call me Eugene, ghostly pal!
Dave: Uh, alright.
Hoopla: I'll have the same.
Temmie: tem want kids meal w/ toi!
(Mr. Krabs notes the order down.)
Mr. Krabs: Sure thing, Timmy!
Hoopla: (whispering) It's Temmie.
Mr. Krabs: Sure. Don't worry, this is all on the house.
(Mr. Krabs walks off.)
Mr. Krabs: SPONGEBOB!
(Hoopla takes out his laptop.)
Dave: Wow, he's really milking this.
Hoopla: Can you blame him?
Dave: Hey, what you doing on your gadget?
Hoopla: Just checking my ChooTube page to see if PISS has any more views.
Dave: Last I checked we already had a hefty amount.
Hoopla: Yeah, but I want some more so we could maybe persuade any potential investors. If we're gonna discover the secrets of the strange and supernatural, we're gonna need funding.
Temmie: wike money? tem get money fwom tem shop!
Hoopla: I appreciate the gesture Tem, but selling colored pieces of construction paper and passing it off as cereal won't exactly bring in the big bucks.
Dave: Maybe we just need to be getting out more content, like, really wow people with what we find!
Hoopla: (chuckles) If some people don't want to believe a ghost walking amongst them, then I don't know what they will.
Dave: Look, I don't like showing myself off, okay?
Hoopla: That's what she said. Let's just begin work on a big new find to get attention.
Temmie: okway
???: I could help you with that.
(The three turn around to find Old Man Jenkins.) 
Temmie: ol' man wankings?
Old Man Jenkins: That's Old Man Jenkins to you!
Hoopla: Look, Jenkins, we know you mean well but we're talking serious shit here. Like real stuff.
Old Man Jenkins: Oh, what I'm about to tell you is very real. Very real indeed. It's about the Phineas Forest.
(pause) 
Hoopla: The one that's named after the guy who founded SpongeThorne?
Old Man Jenkins: That's correct.
Temmie: and da 1 dats illegal to go in?
Old Man Jenkins: Also correct.
Hoopla: I'm sorry, Old Man Jenkins, but I think we're gonna ignore your advice. Thanks any-
Old Man Jenkins: But I'm not finished yet! Haven't you ever wondered why it's illegal?
Dave: Because the coyote attacks, right?
Old Man Jenkins: Oh no, that's only what they want you to think.
(He holds up a book entitled "Legend of the Woods". The first three letters have been almost scratched off to make it look like "end of the Woods".)
Temmie: woah! paper!
Old Man Jenkins: Not just any old paper, young… whatever you are. This is legend!
(He starts flicking through the pages.)
Old Man Jenkins: Unicorns, leprechaun, flying unicorns-
Hoopla: Actually, they're called pegasus.
Old Man Jenkins: They're all here! And if you want to find them, you just have to go into these woods!
Hoopla: Yeah, but those woods are dangerous, and super illegal to enter.
Dave: (smug) Well, I'm a ghost. The law don't apply to me.
Old Man Jenkins: I'll just leave the book here with you nice young people, and you can have a think about it.
(He lays the book on the table and walks off. Dave starts looking through it.)
Dave: Wow, this does look amazing.
Hoopla: If only it were real. You don't really believe that old coot, do you?
Dave: Well, loads of people don't believe the old coot that's sitting at the table with me, do they? 
Hoopla: Well-
Dave: Maybe we should just give him a chance! If there really are all these amazing critters in there, it could be the big find you've been wanting!
Hoopla: Either way it's illegal.
Dave: Oh, Hoop, you're always focused on these rules and everything. Everyone bends them sometimes!
Hoopla: But-
Dave: Even if we don't find anything, it could be an adventure!
(Temmie jumps up.)
Temmie: ventura? tem wuv ventura!
(Temmie starts dancing around on the table.)
Hoopla: Okay, Temmie, that's quite eno-
Temmie: we cud bwimg mista spwinkles & hav a piknik & find coot bugs!
Hoopla: Temmie, we're not going-
Temmie: tem needs to go pak rite now!
(Temmie jumps off the table and runs out the restaurant.)
Hoopla: Temmie, wait!
(Hoopla and Dave run after him. SpongeBob approaches the table with the food. He looks confused and sniffs his armpits.)
SpongeBob: Is the stench really that bad?
(Cut to Hoopla, Temmie, Dave and Mr. Sprinkles looking ahead at the Phineas Forest. Yellow tape blocks the entrance.)
Dave: (holding the book) Well, here we are. The Phineas Forest.
Hoopla: This is a bad idea. We're either gonna get arrested or die. 
Dave: Dude, you got sucked into a video game this week. There must have been more death traps there than in real life.
Hoopla: This is a poorly written transcript on a SpongeBob fanfiction site.
Dave: Don't be a smartass. What I'm saying is, this should be a piece of cake.
Mr. Sprinkles: woof
Hoopla: (sigh) Please don't tell me you brought the dog with us.
Temmie: he has a nam-
Hoopla: Please don't tell me you brought the dog with us.
(Dave shrugs. Hoopla looks down at Mr. Sprinkles.)
Hoopla: Yep. You brought the dog with us. Great.
Temmie: wut da pwoblem? 
Hoopla: Temmie, you haven't had the blessing of taking him for a walk yet.
Dave: Look, we're going off-topic. Are we going in the woods or not?
Hoopla: You guys do realise I'm the only rational one here? Dave, you're a ghost so legally you can do whatever the fuck you want. Temmie, you're too adorable to comprehend what a law is. And Mr. Sprinkles, well, you're Mr. Sprinkles.
Mr. Sprinkles: woof
Dave: (sigh) Do you want this big find or not?
(pause)
Hoopla: Okay, fine. Let's go in. But if I have to skip town and change my name it's your fault.
Dave: I can live with that. Or, you know, not live. Let's go.
Temmie: but how we gon get past da tape?
(Hoopla pulls a tennis ball out from behind his back.)
Hoopla: Mr. Sprinkles, fetch!
(Hoopla throws the ball into the woods, causing Mr. Sprinkles to chase after it.)
Hoopla: See? Now there's no tape. And if anyone asks we can just say we were going after the dog.
(The three begin walking in after him.)
Dave: Pfft, nobody's gonna ask anything.
(Cut to the four of them walking around in the woods. Dave is playing around with a phone.)
Hoopla: Huh. These woods just look like any other woods. 
Temmie: but wha abou uniquorm?
Hoopla: Sorry, Tem, try not to keep your hopes up.
Dave: How does this thing work again?
Hoopla: How does what thing work-
Dave: Ah here we go.
(Dave starts live streaming.)
Dave: Hey guys, Dave here. And welcome back to another PISS livestrea-
Hoopla: Dave! What the hell are you doing?! You can't live stream this, we're not supposed to be here!
Dave: Come on, there's only like three people watching at the moment! Get a load of this guy, Penisman256 says "your videos suck and I hate you". Huh.
Temmie: must be a typo
Hoopla: Can you just turn that thing off please?
Dave: Not before we find what we came here f-
(Hoopla bumps into an invisible wall and falls over, dropping the phone.)
Hoopla: Ow. What the fuck?
Dave: Hoopla, are you okay?
(Hoopla gets up.)
Hoopla: Yeah, I just-
(He bumps into the wall again.)
Hoopla: Hey!
(Temmie feels the wall.)
Dave: What is it?
Temmie: da answer is obwious. we hav all turned in2 mimes!
(Hoopla begins feeling the wall.)
Hoopla: Woah! It's like… an invisible wall or something!
Mr. Sprinkles: woof
(Dave goes to feel the wall but his body passes straight through it.)
Dave: I have no idea what you guys are talking about. There's nothing here!
(Hoopla clicks his fingers.)
Hoopla: Of course! I get it! Only beings of supernatural energy levels can pass through the barrier! It's like a gate or something. And you, Dave, you're a ghost so you can go straight through no problem. But for us three… eh.
(Hoopla takes out his torch and scans the energy levels.)
Hoopla: Of course, since you've started living with us your levels have dipped quite a bit.
(He puts the torch away.)
Hoopla: But I guess that's irrelevant. There has to be a way in. Who would have thought, maybe the old guy's right.
Mr. Sprinkles: woof
Temmie: aw, mr spwinkles so coot!
Mr. Sprinkles: woof
Temmie: aw, stop doing dat!
Mr. Sprinkles: woof
Hoopla: Why is he-
Dave: Uh… guys?
(The camera pans out to reveal a pack of hungry-looking coyotes with green eyes approaching them.)
Temmie: oh no
(Mr. Sprinkles begins barking in distress.)
Temmie: (gasp) it okway, it okwa-
(The coyotes are running towards them.)
Temmie: IT NOT OKWAY! IT NOT OKWAY!
Dave: RUN!
Hoopla: Where?
(Dave runs past the invisible wall in fear.)
Hoopla: (sigh) He's already dead, what are they-
(A beam of white light suddenly flashes. The coyotes are getting closer.)
Hoopla: We're screwed.
(Mr. Sprinkles runs past the invisible wall in fear.)
Temmie: MISTA SPWINKLES! WHERE U-
(Hoopla grabs Temmie and they run through the barrier together. The coyotes follow.)
Hoopla: Dave must have somehow (tries to catch his breath as he runs) opened up the barrier?!
(We follow Hoopla and Temmie as they run through the forest away from the coyotes.)
Temmie: tem scared!
Mr. Sprinkles: woof
Hoopla: Wait, I have an idea.
(He takes a roadrunner out of a briefcase somehow. It runs off and the coyotes run after it. The three stop running.)
Hoopla: Phew. Bless the Warner Brothers.
(The briefcase begins shaking and SpongeBob pops out of it.)
SpongeBob: You're having a camp without me? That's just silly! (Laughs)
Temmie: who r u?
SpongeBob: I'm SpongeBob, silly! You know, fry cook at The Krusty Krab? Star of the hit show SpongeBob SquarePants? I'm on lots of kids' lunchboxes.
(pause)
SpongeBob: Doesn't that… ring any bells?
(Hoopla and Temmie shake their heads.)
SpongeBob: Come on! 🎶 Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? 🎶
(pause)
Hoopla: What were you doing in my briefcase?
SpongeBob: It's cosy in there. We should be briefcase buddies or something! And nobody has a camp without SpongeBob! I even have my own camp song!
(He takes a ukulele out, but Hoopla takes it and smashes it.)
SpongeBob: Hey!
Hoopla: Who sent you in here after us?
SpongeBob: Wha- what are you talking about? I'm just here for the ride!
Temmie: yAyA!1!!
Hoopla: Okay, fine, I guess you can tag along if you keep quiet.
SpongeBob: (salutes) Aye aye, sir! I mean, (whispers) aye aye, sir!
Hoopla: But we're not camping, we're searching the area for mythical creatures.
SpongeBob: Oh, same thing. I remember when I had s'mores with a unicorn. Or was it a narwhal? Maybe it was both!
Dave: (off-screen) Hey, guys! Check this out!
(The four walk towards where Dave is in an opening within the trees near a river. In contrast to the rest of the forest, this side looks somewhat magical. A bird flies past a rainbow in the sky.)
Hoopla: Woah. They've been hiding this view from us? This is amazing!
SpongeBob: Wow, it's so pretty and sparkly! I wanna go over there!
Temmie: it a miwacle….
(Cut to the five sailing in a small and crowded wooden dinghy down the river. Dave is still live-streaming.)
Dave: -and as you can see this forest really is like no other. 
SpongeBob: How is there water underwater?
(The water suddenly disappears.)
Hoopla: I guess this is our stop.
Dave: Please no one question the dog.
Mr. Sprinkles: woof.
(They all climb out of the boat. Time jump to them all walking.)
SpongeBob: So tell me, what is it like to catch ghosts? Is it hard? Is it easy? I wanna know!
Hoopla: Well, it's not the easiest thing in the world and admittedly I thought I was going to die in our last case-
Temmie: u worry too much
Dave: The irony.
Hoopla: Also I really don't want to complain but this accelerator can be a pain to lug around on my back sometimes. I really should make a slimmed-down version sometime.
SpongeBob: I think I'd make a very good ghost hunt-
(A shadow is seen in the forest along with the sound of footsteps. Dave looks around with the camera.)
SpongeBob: AAAAAAAH!!!! (He hides underneath a rock) Is the spooky man gone?
(Hoopla turns his torch back on.)
Hoopla: (whispering) Nope.
(Temmie and SpongeBob shiver in fear. Mr. Sprinkles begins drooling. A leprechaun emerges from the forest.)
Leprechaun: Ah, top o' the mornin' to ya laddies. Is that a wee ghost I spy over here?
Hoopla: What the fu-
Dave: (nervously laughs in embarrassment) Heh-heh, yeah, (puts his hands up) you got me alright.
Leprechaun: Blimey, I haven't seen someone like you 'round these parts in years. The name's O'Connor. And you are?
Dave: I'm, uh, Dave. And these are Hoopla, Temmie, Mr. Sprinkles and, who's the talking cheese?
SpongeBob: I'm not-
Temmie: springboob squirepin
SpongeBob: Actually it's-
O'Connor: Yowzas! You're- you're normalians! 
Hoopla: We're what?
O'Connor: Y'know, so-called "normal people". Ugh, you always think you're so much better than us.
SpongeBob: Wanna see normal? I'll show ya normal! (He morphs into his normal form from Not Normal) Hi, how are ya.
Hoopla: Please turn back into… whatever your ordinary form is.
SpongeBob: Okay, see you around. (He morphs back into his regular form.) Oh, Neptune, that was awful!
O'Connor: Thinking about it, seeing as we don't usually get visitors, I really should introduce y'all shams to our one and only queen.
Temmie: your… qween?
O'Connor: Yeah! It'll be grand!
Dave: They make great music.
O'Connor: Come on!
(They follow O'Connor down a dirt path.)
Dave: (to the phone) Are you getting this? We just met a real life leprechaun! And he's taking us to the leprechaun ruler!
O'Connor: (chuckles) Oh no, you thought our monarch was a leprechaun?
Hoopla: You mean… there are more creatures in this forest?
O'Connor: Indeed there are, you mog!
(SpongeBob starts flicking through the book Old Man Jenkins gave them.)
SpongeBob: Wow! I didn't think I'd be on here with you guys when I woke up this morning!
Dave: Neither did we. (whispering to Hoopla) should we ditch him?
Hoopla: Nah. He's here for fanservice or something, I don't know.
Dave: Oh.
O'Connor: You know, I'm really surprised actually. By now one of you normalians has usually attempted to take me gold!
Hoopla: Gold? We're not here for gold-
(pan over to Temmie carrying a bag of money)
Temmie: were not?
Hoopla: O'Connor, we're here for the experience.
O'Connor: Ah, it's so boring being locked up in this "forbidden forest" all the time. You don't know how lucky you lot have-
(They suddenly stop in their tracks.)
SpongeBob: Why have we stopped?
(Several fairies fly past on front of them giggling.)
O'Connor: (sighs) Fairy crossing. (forces a grin) Top o' the morning to ya peeps!
(They pass and they carry on walking.)
Hoopla: What do you mean you're "trapped" in here?
O'Connor: You wouldn't understand. We've been hunted for years. Sealing our kind off like this is the only way we can stay safe.
(They pass a tiny mushroom village of purple people going about their daily lives singing.)
Snurphs: Do do do do do do, sing the sad song-
SpongeBob: Wow! What are they?
O'Connor: Not a what, a who. They're Snurphs.
Dave: Sounds familiar.
(They walk through a swamp. An ogre comes out of his dirt hut.)
Dave: Hey look! An ogre!
(He takes a picture.)
O'Connor: I wouldn-
Ogre: Huh? WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP?!!!
(The group quickly runs off.)
O'Connor: You really don't want to mess with an ogre.
Sexist Lady: That's racist!
O'Connor: Sorry.
(They pass a group of centaurs.)
Temmie: wut r they?
O'Connor: Centaurs.
(They pass a group of gnomes.)
Temmie: wut r they?
O'Connor: Gnomes.
Gnomes: Let's get riiiiiiiiite into-
(They pass a group of bigfoots.)
Temmie: wut r they?
O'Connor: Bigfoots, or bigfeet. I never remember. They have no trouble getting laid, let me tell you.
(They pass a group of birds.)
Temmie: wut r they?
O'Connor: Birds.
(pause)
Temmie: o
SpongeBob: Well, they're cute birbs, Tem.
Dave: Don't you mean "birds"?
SpongeBob: Nah, birbs, with a b.
(They reach a waterfall.)
Mr. Sprinkles: woof
O'Connor: Well, here we are.
(He gets down on his knees.)
SpongeBob: What- what are you doing?
O'Connor: The code. (he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath) .gninrub morf su evas lliw ohw relur ruo :gninnuc sa erup s'ohw eno eht kees I .gninnur eb ll'ew dna tuo si tac ehT .gnimoc si dne eht ,gnimoc si dne ehT
(He stands back up and looks at the waterfall, which spins out of control into a vortex which sucks them all in. Hoopla and Dave scream. Temmie and SpongeBob excitedly cheer. Mr. Sprinkles just looks confused, and O'Connor is completely unfazed.)
Hoopla: WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING??!!!!
O'Connor: He doesn't get out much, does he?
SpongeBob: THIS IS AWESOME!!!!
Temmie: yAyA!!1!1!1!1!1
(They land out of the whirlpool safely, except Hoopla, who falls on his face.)
Hoopla: (muffled by the ground) Dave…
Dave: Yeah?
Hoopla: Remember when I said someone was going to get hurt in here today?
(Hoopla stands up.)
Hoopla: And that was a rhetorical question before you open your mouth.
O'Connor: Well, here we are.
(The camera pans over to reveal they are standing in a field full of unicorns. Temmie lets out a long gasp.)
Temmie: UNICORNS!
SpongeBob: Holy fish pa-
(Temmie faints. Pause.)
O'Connor: Uh, is she-
Hoopla: Okay? Yeah, she'll be fine.
(Dave looks around with the camera.)
Dave: Woah. I told you coming here was the right choice.
(Temmie jumps up.)
Temmie: OH MY GAWSH!
(Temmie begins frantically running around the field. Mr. Sprinkles chases after her.)
Temmie: UNICORNS! UNICORNS! UNICORNS!
O'Connor: I think she likes unicorns.
Dave: (chuckles) You think?
(They begin walking down the field.)
O'Connor: The unicorns are currently preparing for the upcoming mating season. I can't wait to see the newborns!
(He eats some sprinkles from the floor.)
Unicorn: Do you mind?
(O'Connor spits the sprinkles out.)
O'Connor: My apologies, Brian.
(They continue walking.)
Hoopla: Was that-
O'Connor: What? It's tasty.
(Several unicorns approach O'Connor.)
Unicorn 1: O'Connor, me main man!
O'Connor: Sam! I haven't seen you in years!
(Their fists and hooves bump.)
Unicorn 2: What you doing back down here?
Unicorn 3: Yeah, we're preparing for the mating season.
Sam: The rainbow moon only appears once a year, you know.
Hoopla: Wow! So I wasn't tripping that one year?
Unicorn 3: Who are your friends?
Unicorn 2: They look… different.
O'Connor: Oh, they're just visiting.
(The unicorns give each other a funny look.)
O'Connor: We'd like to see the queen, if you laddies wouldn't mind.
???: That would be me.
(The unicorns gasp and move out of the way as a large sphinx emerges from the shadows.)
Sphinx: Ah, O'Connor. You have some nerve showing your face around here.
O'Connor: Eh, feck off with it will ya, Net? I'm sorry for stealing from you, alright? It was wrong.
Net: And who are these, your accomplices?
O'Connor: They're, heh-heh, out of tow-
Net: OUT OF TOWN?! What the hell do you think your game is bringing a bunch of normalians in here?
O'Connor: I didn't bring them in, I just-
Hoopla: Queen Net, is it?
Net: Please, it's just Net.
Hoopla: Sorry. I'd just like to say how much of an honour it is to meet you and finally find out what lies within this forest. I mean, it's amazing!
(pause)
Net: ...and you are?
Hoopla: Hoopla of, uh, Paranormal Investigators of the Strange and Supernatural.
Dave: Or PISS for short!
Net: Just as I thought-
Dave: We're immature?
Net: No-
Hoopla: You know us?
Net: No, you're, as you put it, "paranormal investigators". Are we not normal?
Hoopla: That's not what-
Net: You know exactly what you meant. You're here to hunt us down!
Hoopla: Not "hunt", we just wanted to find out what was in here! This entire forest should be off-limits to us, yet here we are.
SpongeBob: I for one think everyone in the world should see the magical wonders this place has to offer!
Net: Maybe so, but it's not safe. And you know that.
Hoopla: But ma'am-
Net: No buts. I'm sorry about this.
SpongeBob: Sorry about wha-
Net: SEND THEM TO THE PIT OF DEATH!
SpongeBob: Sounds happy.
(Cut to them being shoved into a several metres tall dirt pit by two unicorns.)
SpongeBob: wait wut
Net: This is the only way.
(Net and the two unicorns walk off.)
O'Connor: (yelling) Hey! You can't just go about throwing me into this pit! I'm O'Connor! I'm a leprechaun!
Dave: Can't you just use some, I dunno, "leprechaun magic" and get us out of here?
O'Connor: (straightening his hat) I find that remark offensive. It's not that simple.
(Mr. Sprinkles sobs.)
Mr. Sprinkles: rowrowrowrowrooooooooo
(Temmie begins stroking him.)
Temmie: it okway, mista sprwinkles. we met unicorns!
O'Connor: So, I guess this is it then. This is where we will spend the rest of our miserable lives. Down the pit of death.
SpongeBob: Oh, come on! It'll all work out in the end! There are still more pages of script left! 
Hoopla: (sad) Oh really?
(pan over to Hoopla sitting down on a rock looking depressed, facing away from the camera)
Temmie: wut da matta?
Hoopla: This could have been just what we needed to get an investor. Hell, fuck the investor. I've devoted almost my entire life to this sort of thing, and it's rejected me. 
Dave: But what does that matter? We have the livestream!
(Hoopla's face lights up and he rushes over to the phone.)
Hoopla: Yes! Oh, David, you're a genius!
Dave: (smug) Yeah, I know-
(Hoopla suddenly looks annoyed again.)
Dave: What?
(pause)
Dave: What I do?
Hoopla: (deep breath) You weren't recording.
Dave: Wha-
Hoopla: You weren't recording. Today I've broken the law, had my dreams crushed and been thrown down the pit of death! 
Dave: I'm- I'm sorry, Hoop. Guess I'm just not good at technology.
Hoopla: (sigh) I forgive you. Let's just try and get comfy here.
(We pan over to see SpongeBob and Temmie sitting on a comfy couch watching a big plasma television.)
Hoopla: Maybe not that comfy. 
Temmie: dis show good.
(Hoopla grabs the remote and turns the TV off.)
SpongeBob: Hey! We were watching that!
Hoopla: I've changed my mind. Let's find a way out of here.
Dave: Mood.
O'Connor: But you've said it yourself, mate! This is the pit of death! We're gonna die here!
Mr. Sprinkles: woof.
Hoopla: Hmmm….
(Cut to Hoopla using his ghost sucker to blow out air, pushing him up the pit.)
Hoopla: I'm doing it! I'm doing it! I'm-
(Hoopla looks to the left of him, outside a pit. An off-screen scream is heard and he falls back down on his face.)
Hoopla: (annoyed) Why does this always happen to me?
(Hoopla gets up.)
Temmie: wut happened?
Hoopla: The- the forest. It's being attacked.
O'Connor: Attacked? That's impossible!
Hoopla: I saw it with my own eyes! 
Temmie: wee hav 2 help them!
Hoopla: I… I guess. But they threw us away!
Mr. Sprinkles: woof
SpongeBob: So?
(SpongeBob stretches himself into a staircase out of the pit.)
SpongeBob: What are we waiting for?
(Everyone blankly stares at him for a few seconds.)
SpongeBob: What?
Hoopla: Why the hell didn't you just do that to begin with?
O'Connor: You eejit!
(They all make their way up the staircase and out of the pit.)
Dave: What did I say? "Always bring a sponge with you."
Hoopla: You wanted to ditch him.
Dave: Same thing.
(They look around to see the unicorns running around in fear, being terrorised by lions.)
Hoopla: Lions. The natural enemy of the unicorn.
Dave: You sure that's not just Scotland vs England propaganda?
O'Connor: I- I don't understand! One thing we don't have in this forest are lions!
Hoopla: Well, happy birthday then.
SpongeBob: What's our plan?
(One lion who is chasing a unicorn suddenly notices the six of them and stops in place. It growls before running towards them. They flee.)
Hoopla: Before we all die, I'd like to point out once again that I knew-
(The lion suddenly shapeshifts into a cheetah.)
SpongeBob: FLIPPIN' FLOTSAMS!!
(The cheetah shapeshifts into a hawk.)
Dave: What the hell?
(Hoopla rapidly begins flipping through the book as they run, before stopping on one page. He shows it to Dave.)
Dave: Oh no.
(The hawk shapeshifts into a coyote. O'Connor notices its green eyes and gasps.)
O'Connor: A SHAPESHIFTER?! But we exiled them from the forest years a-
(He looks at Hoopla, who shrugs in embarrassment.)
Hoopla: Sorry?
Dave: Actually that's my bad.
(Hoopla opens up his briefcase, but it's empty.)
Hoopla: Fuck! All out of roadrunners! What are we gonna do?
(Dave forces a cough and points to Hoopla's still unnamed ghost sucker.)
Hoopla: Huh.
SpongeBob: Good thing he’s not the only one who can shapeshift!
O'Connor: Oho! Delightfully devilish, Seymour.
SpongeBob: It's SpongeBob.
O'Connor: Whatever.
(SpongeBob shapeshifts into a roadrunner.)
SpongeBob: Meep meep. (Laughs)
(SpongeBob chases the coyote around in a circle, before cornering it near a tree. Hoopla sucks it up.)
Hoopla: Bingo! One down, probably a lot more to go. Keep chasing them, SpongeBuck!
SpongeBob: It’s SpongeBob.
Hoopla: Whatever floats your boat, SpongeBill.
(SpongeBob groans as he chases another coyote. Hoopla sucks it up too. SpongeBob glances behind him at several more angry-looking coyotes. He runs towards them, but they shapeshift into salamanders.)
SpongeBob: Meep… meep?
(SpongeBob slowly walks backwards in fear before deciding to absorb some of the water in the atmosphere. He releases it onto the salamanders, allowing Hoopla to suck them up.)
Hoopla: Hell yeah!
SpongeBob: Could you please refrain from swearing? I kinda consider it a sin.
???: Oi there ol' chum, I'm kinda lost.
(SpongeBob turns around to find a gnome.)
SpongeBob: Oh, hi there little guy. What are you doing here?
(The gnome suddenly shapeshifts into a minotaur.)
Hoopla: Guess I'm not getting gnomed today.
SpongeBob: What the-
Minotaur: (laughs) You’ve been gnomed!
Hoopla: Never mind.
(The minotaur starts swinging its axe around menacingly towards SpongeBob.)
SpongeBob: (scared) I- I- I- I-
(A unicorn suddenly darts in front of SpongeBob. A rainbow emits from its horn, landing on the minotaur and causing it to collapse on the floor. Hoopla sucks it up.)
Hoopla: Nobody gnomes my friend!
SpongeBob: Fr- friend? (He faints)
O'Connor: You came back for us?
Unicorn: Of course! You're one of the only ones doing a good job holding them off!
Hoopla: But without SpongeNye the Spongy Guy how are we gonna suck up the rest of them?
Unicorn: If KFC taught me anything it’s to wing it!
Dave: Hey! I'm supposed to come out with shit like that!
Unicorn: Sorry. We're just gonna have to work together.
O'Connor: Aye!
(Everyone splits up and we see several scenes of them fighting off the shapeshifters. Dave attempts to use a long stick to fight a shapeshifter in the form of a gremlin. It gnaws on the end of it, allowing Dave to throw the gremlin attached to the stick towards Hoopla who sucks it up. A coyote backs Temmie up against a tree, but the bird from earlier swoops in front of her. The coyote turns into a cat which chases the bird. Mr. Sprinkles follows and chases the cat into Hoopla's sucker [is it just me or does that sound wrong]. SpongeBob wakes up among the confusion and notices everyone fighting.)
SpongeBob: Are we winning, son?
(Hoopla sucks up another shapeshifter as he approaches SpongeBob.)
Hoopla: I really don't want to jinx anything.
O'Connor: We've rounded off most of them 'round here. There are just a few left.
SpongeBob: Where?
(The camera pans over to several imps about to push Net off a cliff.)
Imp 1: Hand over the forest, Net.
Imp 2: Yeah, or pay the ultimate price.
(Net looks down at the valley beneath here and back at the imps.)
Net: I- uh…
(Hoopla, Dave, Temmie, Mr. Sprinkles, SpongeBob and O'Connor suddenly ride towards them on unicorns.)
Net: What the-
(They jump off the unicorns.)
Dave: Any last words, shapeshifters?
(The imps gulp as they realise their defeat.)
Imp 1: Actually, yeah. I'd like to-
(The imps scream as Hoopla sucks them up, saving the forest.)
Net: (confused) You… saved us?
(pause)
Net: But- but… but why?
(The members of PISS look at eachother.)
Hoopla: We're PISS. It's what we do.
Temmie: yAyA!!!1!1!1!
(The creatures of the forest began gathering around the group.)
Net: Well, I… I'm just stunned. Honestly, without you all I can't even think of what could have happened. You saved us all.
Dave: Well… I guess it was mainly SpongeBob who lifted the barbel.
SpongeBob: (embarrassed) Well… I don't like to brag but-
Net: You are all heroes. Please, please, if there's anything we could do for you all, just ask.
(pause)
O'Connor: Maybe not throw us back down the pit of death?
(They cheesily laugh as we transition to them about to leave the forest.)
Net: I really can't thank you enough. You are welcome back anytime.
Hoopla: And you agree to keep the gate open?
Net: Of course.
O'Connor: Well, PISS. I guess this is where we go our separate ways. I've got to stay here and hide my pot of gold again.
Temmie: we understan 
Mr. Sprinkles: woof
(Hoopla and O'Connor shake hands.)
Hoopla: Thank you all. Today was amazing.
Net: Indeed. I've learnt a few things myself. Sorry for being so harsh on you.
SpongeBob: No problem! (laughs)
Hoopla: Say, SpongeBob, I think you could be a good member of PISS one of these days.
SpongeBob: Me? A ghost hunter? (laughs) But I'm just a simple sponge! I’ll think about it. But for now, I gotta head back to the Krusty Krab.
Hoopla: Okay, sure buddy.
SpongeBob: B- buddy?
Temmie: ya! we can b fwends now!
(A single tear falls from SpongeBob's eye.)
SpongeBob: Thank you.
Dave: Is there an echo in here?
(Cut to Hoopla, Temmie, Dave, Mr. Sprinkles, and SpongeBob telling Old Man Jenkins about their findings at The Krusty Krab.)
Temmie: an then tem see unicorn, and birb, an-
Old Man Jenkins: Ah, I told you there was something up with that place.
Dave: I'll say.
Mr. Krabs: This is amazing all the stuff you're finding out, and all the money I'm- well, mainly just the stuff you're finding I guess.
Hoopla: Thanks again for investing in us, Eugene.
Mr. Krabs: No problem! Your cat has been dragging in a fortune! Well, compared to what I usually make.
Hoopla: (yawns) Can't wait for a good night's sleep today.
Dave: Me too.
SpongeBob: Me three.
Hoopla: But there's still one thing I don't understand.
Temmie: huh?
Old Man Jenkins: What's that?
Hoopla: It's illegal to go into that forest, and after going in there I still don't understand why. And have they found out that we've been in there? I just-
(The camera pans out into security camera footage of the restaurant being viewed by several agents in uniforms in what appears to be an office somewhere. The text "Area 52" is written across the screen. One of the agents is talking on the phone.)
Agent: -yeah, I understand. They've just got the proprietor of a local fast food joint to invest in their so-called business. (pause) Yes, I understand they could reveal what we've spent years hiding from people. (pause) Yes, I know we could all be in danger. But the way I see it is there's a lot we do know about this, but also a lot we don't. We could learn from them, for now at least. (pause) We'll just have to find out.
(fin)
== Code ==
.ekatsim a edam ev'yeht dna tuo si tac ehT
== Trivia ==
*The episode was originally planned to be called "Detemmination". This was changed as it made the episode seem important to Temmie's character.
Category:2020
Category:2020 Episodes
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