Dragon Ball: Season 1 (Quotes)

Numerous quotations throughout the Dragon Ball series can be found in the appending sections, broken down in the following format. The following quotes are comprised of the Emperor Pilaf Saga, Tournament Saga, and the beginning of the Red Ribbon Army Saga.
==Season 1==
===Secret of The Dragon Balls===
:Goku: Where is your tail? (Searching for tail in Bulma's butt)
:Bulma: You little freak! What do you think you are doing?!
:Bulma: So, kid. What's your name, anyway?
:Goku: My name is Goku. G-O-K-U. What's yours?
:Bulma: My name? Mine?
:Goku: Uh-huh.
:Bulma: Bulma.
:Goku: (giggling) That's funny.
:Bulma: Goku's not exactly normal, so there!
:Goku: But it's not as weird as yours!
:Bulma: Hey, you be quiet! Bulma happens to be very elegant! It's a lot better than Goku, that's for sure! Hmph!
:(Goku refuses to give Bulma his grandpa's Dragon Ball)
:Bulma: Hey, I know what. Look I'll trade ya. (pulls up her skirt) You let me have your Dragon Ball, and I'll let you have a little peek.
:Goku: What do I care about seeing your dirty old fanny?
:Bulma: IT IS NOT DIRTY, YOU RUDE LITTLE BOY!
:Bulma: Uh oh. Excuse me a minute Goku, time for a pit stop.
:Goku: Okay. I'll come too.
:Bulma: Oh no you won't! Don't the words pit stop mean anything to you? Stay right there! (Bulma runs off)
:Goku: Pit stop? What does that mean?
:Bulma: I need to pee you lame brain!
:Goku: I don't get it. Why can't she just pee right here? How strange.
:Bulma: GOKU, COME HERE QUICK!!
:Goku: Huh? I sure wish she'd make up her mind.
:Goku: Hey! It looks like now is a good time to do a little tail fishing!
:Goku: Don't go far fishes, it's lunch time 
:Bulma: The little kid is stupid, his Dragon Ball disappear when I get my wish
:Bulma: [after seeing Goku's Dragon Ball] Oh, my goodness, it's a Dragon Ball! [pushes Goku away and takes the Dragon Ball]
:Goku: Hey, give my grandpa back now!
===The Emperor's Quest===
:Goku: Bulma, I'm back!
:Bulma: Huh? He's alive after all. Well, I'll be darn. (opens the door) Hmm?
:Goku: (holds up a dead centipede) If you think this appetizer looks good, take a look at the main course! (laughs as he turns around to show a dead wolf; Bulma cringes and screams before slamming the door) Uh, Bulma? (builds a fire and cooks his meal) Bulma, are you serious about not eating? This is looking pretty good.
:Bulma: You're grossing me out, Goku! I can't believe you're gonna eat that! (Goku eats his meal and heads back into the house, belching) Oh my gosh! That is so disgusting! You need to brush your teeth, kid!
:Goku: Huh?
:Bulma: I don't want to smell your nasty old wolf breath!
:Bulma: Hey, what's that horrible smell? (pinches her nose) Ugh, you need a bath, Goku!
:Goku: Uh... what's a bath?
:Bulma: Oh, kid! I can't believe you're asking! I guess I gotta show you...
:(Goku takes his clothes off, throws them in the hamper from behind, and picks up a towel)
:Bulma: We civilized people call that a towel. Now, let's get this over with. Hop in.
:(Goku is about to take a bath)
:Goku: So, this is a bath?
:Bulma: (Sees Goku naked) Look at you! You're supposed to cover up the front!
:Goku: Like this? (Covers his face with a towel)
:Bulma: Goku, why do you have a tail growing? 
:Goku: Well I don't really know why I just know all boys have 'em.
:(After Goku's bath, Bulma decides to take one herself)
:Bulma: There's nothing like a long hot bath to melt a woman's cares away. That's for sure. (She relaxes, then sees Goku staring at her and she covers herself in the tub.)
:Bulma: What are you doing?! Can't you see I'm taking a bath kid?
:Goku: Yeah. I was going to help you scrub your back. You know, since you don't have a tail.
:Bulma: No way! I can scrub my own back. Now beat it! Shoo! Shoo!
:Goku: Gosh, I don't get it Bulma. You were going to help me scrub my back.
:Bulma: Goku, you're a little kid and I'm practically a full grown woman. There's a big difference.
:Goku: There is?
:Bulma: Yes there certainly is. But we're not going to get into that right now.
:Goku: Hey, you don't have to be ashamed. No way.
:Bulma: What in the world are you talking about? I happen to be one of the most beautiful girls that you will ever see. So what do I have to be ashamed of buster?
:Goku: Not having a tail?
:Bulma: That's it. Get out of my face.
:Goku: But I want to help.
:Bulma: Beat it!
:Goku: Oh come on!
:Bulma: (gets out of the tub and throws objects at Goku) I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! GET OUT OF MY BATHROOM AND STAY OUT! AND FOR THE LAST TIME I DON'T WANT A STUPID TAIL!!
:Bulma: I don't know what planet this kid's from, but it's not Earth!
:Bulma: Look Goku, you can go out in public and have your hair sticking out in every direction if you want to but not me!
:Goku: to Turtle: Gosh! Are woman like this where you come from? 
:Turtle: No, most have tails.
===The Nimbus Cloud of Roshi===
:Turtle: Have you forgotten the code, Master? Please, that's wrong. Dead wrong!
:Master Roshi: Oh, hush up, will you? Can't a master take a break from training, and have a little fun?!
:Turtle: Now I understand why you couldn't ride your cloud...
:Master Roshi: Bite your tongue!
:Bulma: This is so embarrassing... I can't believe I'm doing this. (lifts up her gown and shows herself to Roshi) TA-DA!! (turns away blushing) There, done!
:Bulma: Hey, watcha doin'? I wouldn't do that if I were you...
:Goku: Ooh, yuck! This water's salty!
:Bulma: Man, I never thought things ever go this well! We really need 3 more Dragon Balls. I guess it was meant to be, kiddo. (Bulma enters the house)
:Goku: Ah, wow! I wish my grandpa could see me now! (hears Bulma screaming that her panties was in the house, and gets off Nimbus) Hold on, Bulma! I'm coming! (enters the house) What's going on in here? What's wrong?
:Bulma: (while holding her panties in her hand, feeling scared) M-My underwear was here on the floor... I'm afraid to look... (feels herself if she has been wearing her panties) They're not there! (Bulma feels embarrassed) Oh, that means on that beach, that old man... Oh boy...
:Goku: Oh, is that all? Well, that's okay, Bulma. That's where I put them.
:Bulma: What are you talking about?
:Goku: After I took 'em off this morning.
:Bulma: Are you saying that you took my underwear off while I was sleeping this morning? Huh?
:Goku: I sure did.
:Bulma: (shows Goku a pair of panties in her hands) These underwear?!
:Goku: Yup. They're the ones! (sees Bulma set up the MAC-11) What are you doing, Bulma? (Bulma uses the MAC-11 on Goku)
===Oolong the Terrible===
:Father: I thought he was Oolong. I was only trying to protect my daughter.
:Goku: Daughter? Does that mean you're a girl? 
:Pocawatha: [giggles] 
:[Goku touches Pocawatha's crotch; she squeals]
:Goku: Yep, thought so! You're a girl alright. [Bulma bashes Goku in the head]
:Goku: What did you do that for?
:Bulma: GUESS EINSTEIN!!
:Goku: (to the old lady, after touching her crotch) So you're a girl, aren't you?
:Old Lady: (blushes) Huh? What a randy boy!
:Bulma: (bashes Goku on the head, shouts) ARE YOU CRAZY?! PLEASE STOP DOING THAT!! UGH!!
:Oolong: Why did you do that?!
:Goku: ...But I didn't do anything.
===Yamcha the Desert Bandit===
:Oolong: My pig appeal gets them every time.
:Goku: You're appealing barbequed.
:Oolong: Don't ever mention barbeque around me again! Getting skewered is no laughing matter among us pigs!
:Oolong: Just give it time honey. You'll see. I'm the man. (squeals in embarrassment after Goku touches his crotch) Hey, back off, kid! I ain't that kinda pig!
:Goku: You were right. You are a man.
:Oolong: Of course I'm a man, you imbecile! What more do you want?! I'll take a polygraph--give a blood sample. Just don't ever do that again! (pushes Goku who almost falls off the boat)
:Oolong: (after changing back from a dirt bike) So that's the thanks I get. What's the use anyway? I can only hold a new shape for five minutes, then poof. (Bulma goes stunned) Everyone thinks shape-changing makes you stronger than you really are, but it don't. I couldn't even carry you out of here if I wanted to, but I've got another idea. WOW! (changes into bloomers, Goku gasps) Here! How's this, Bulma? (Bulma trembles in anger) Put me on and only one of us has to walk.
:Bulma: YOU PERVERT!!!! TAKE THAT!!!! (slaps Oolong to the ground)
:Goku: Next time, maybe you should try being her hat.
===Keep an Eye on the Dragon Balls===
:Oolong: (notices Bulma looking around the bathtub) Now what are you looking for?
:Bulma: Peepholes.
:Oolong: Hey! What kind of place do you think I'm running?
:Bulma: Well I wouldn't put it past you.
:Oolong: What?
:Bulma: You little perv.
:Oolong: She's a girl and we're guys. And we're gonna wanna wish for some guy things, like a harem, with 300 girls!
:Goku: Golly. Why would you want to have 300 girls?
:Oolong: How's that kid?
:Goku: Well, can you imagine what it'd be like having 300 Bulmas to listen to?
:Bulma: (bashes Goku on the head after her shower) How dare you talk behind my back, Goku!
:Goku: (rubs his head) I was just, uh--oh, never mind.
:Oolong: (sees Puar disguised as Goku, thinks) I don't get it! I put enough in those drinks to knock out a horse! If that little imp catches me up here, he's sure to squeal to Bulma, and she'll fry my bacon GOOD! I gotta think of something fast!
:Yamcha: I know what's under here.. Dragon Balls.. (attempts to grab to feel what Dragon Ball feels like, but it appears to be Bulma's breasts) Odd, they seem kinda flimsy...
:Yamcha: (traumatized after seeing Bulma naked) Not Dragon Balls... Not Dragon Balls...
:Bulma: (seen wearing a bunny outfit) Ugh! Hey, what's this, Easter?! This is no outfit; it's a costume! And I look ridiculous in it, Oolong!
:Oolong: Well, tough luck. That's all I've got. My stock of women's clothes is down this month.
:Bulma: Hmph! You know, there's something not quite right about you, Oolong, but I just can't quite figure it out!
:Oolong: I'm a pig?
:Goku: (finishes eating) Mm-mm-mm! Phew! Me too! (laughs) That was great!
===The Ox-King on Fire Mountain===
:Chi-Chi: (after decapitating a dinosaur, screams) GROSS!! LOOK WHAT I'VE DONE!! I CHOPPED HIS HEAD RIGHT OFF!! (she uses her helmet disintegrating the dinosaur in smithereens)
:Bulma: Attaboy, Goku! Keep him off balance!
:Goku: (after touching Chi-Chi's crotch with his foot) Oh, so you are a girl. I really wasn't sure at first.
:Chi-Chi: (screams in disgust) YOU JERK!! (pushes Goku off the Flying Nimbus)
:Goku: (groans and rubs his head) Gee whiz! You didn't have to knock me off the cloud, you know!
:Chi-Chi: (embarrassed for what Goku did) Well, with your manners, you think you just crawled out of the woods!
:Goku: Well, I did. (Chi-Chi giggles and blushes)
===The Kamehameha Wave===
:(Master Roshi is searching in his house looking for the Bansho Fan)
:Master Roshi: H-Hey, Turtle. Do you remember what I did with that blasted fan? I can't find it anymore...
:Turtle: You're using as a placemat, the last time I saw it.
:Chi-Chi: Huh? A placemat?!
:Master Roshi: Dear me... That was the Bansho Fan? Oh, I spilt some juice on it, so I threw it away because it was all sticky. (disappointment groan)
:Goku: No!
:(Chi-Chi is about to cry)
:Turtle: Here comes the tears...
:Chi-Chi: (cries) We can't put out the fire!
:Goku: No Dragon Ball, either..
:Master Roshi: Enough! It looks like I'll just have to go to the Fire Mountain, and put out those flames myself.
:Bulma: Quiet. Listen... I promised that old goat I'd take some stupid walk with him around his island. Well, I just don't have time for that. I need you to change shape and take my place.
:Oolong: Rrrngh!
:Bulma: No arguing! You do it, or I'll say the "P" word!
:Oolong: Now you listen here, sister! Go ahead and do your worst, because I will not stoop that low! I do have some semblances of dignity left!
:Bulma: Okay. Have it your way, piggy. 
:Oolong: All right, all right. I'll do it.
:Bulma: (after Oolong went too far on Master Roshi) What were you thinking, Oolong?! I'm so mad at you right now, I could just... (Bulma bashes Oolong on the head with her fist)
===Boss Rabbit's Magic Touch===
:Bulma: (to the Rabbits) If anyone has anything to learn, it's you two Cro-Magnon morons! Grown men in rabbit ears! Ha! Can you believe these two idiots? 
:Oolong: Wait, Goku is no match for a pistol!
:Monster Carrot: (hops after Goku who has Bulma transformed into a carrot) I...want...my...CARROT!!
===The Dragon Balls are Stolen!===
:Bulma: (making Yamcha nervous) Yamcha, I know this might sound a little weird, but there's something I'd like you to do for me. Would you mind closing your eyes for a second, please?
:Yamcha: (in a nervous state) Close my eye?!
:Bulma: Yeah, just for a second, pretty please?
:Yamcha: But what for?
:Bulma: You'll see. (she giggles as Yamcha's heart beats and hesitates) Aw, come on!
:Yamcha: (thinks) Oh, no! Is she really gonna kiss me?! I think I'm gonna die! (shudders and does as Bulma told him)
:Bulma: You too, Puar! (Puar does so, checks her radar) No peeking, you two! (thinks) Hey, not too bad. They're only about 25 miles away.
:Yamcha: Can I open my eyes now?
:Bulma: Sure, go ahead.
:Yamcha: (does so) Hey nothing happened. Nothing happened! Nothing at all!
:Bulma: Hey, something happened. I just can't say what. Us girls, we have to keep our secrets, you know. (nuzzles him) Don't be mad! (Yamcha screams to his shock)
===The Penalty is Pinball===
:Goku: Yamcha, I think I can get him if I dive through that window.
:Yamcha: That's a TV set, you dummy!
:Bulma: (after being captured by Pilaf) Get me out of this thing! Right now, you freak!
:Emperor Pilaf: You insolent brat! I am the great Emperor Pilaf and I will be the only one giving the orders here today! Tell me where that last Dragon Ball is. Now!
:Bulma: (shoots the bird) My magic finger says it's somewhere in the ceiling!
:Emperor Pilaf: (smiles) I see, you actually want the Treatment, don't you? Oh, you'll wish I would've killed you. (laughs maniacally)
:Bulma: (after Emperor Pilaf's Treatment, curiously) Is that the best you can do? (Emperor Pilaf goes alarmed)
:Yamcha: Boy, she's pushing it! She'd better clam up or he may think of something really horrible to do to her!
:Bulma: Man, I thought you guys were tough. That was easy. A first-grader can think of better torture than "The Treatment"! (laughs)
:Emperor Pilaf: (offensively shocked with Mai and Shu) What?! Did you hear what she just said?!
:Shu and Mai: (in unison) Uh, yes, Emperor!
:Emperor Pilaf: I'll have you know I got my degree in torture! I am a certified master of torture! Argh, that does it!. (imprisons Bulma back to the corridors)
:Oolong: (after he and the gang hide from the giant pinball, shouts) Take that, you oversized ball bearing! You lose! (the pinball comes back and scares the gang chasing them)
:Bulma: You just had to open your mouth, didn't you?!
:Oolong: (skeptically) Like I knew the ball had an I.Q.!
===A Wish to the Eternal Dragon===
:Yamcha: (after Oolong made his wish) I think that little pervert just saved the world!
:Bulma: Maybe he's not such a coward after all.
:Oolong: (imprisoned with the others, knocks on a steel wall) I bet even Goku can't blast a hole this time. It's made of some weird metal.
:Goku: No big deal. Look, there's no ceiling.
:Bulma: Yes, there is. It's probably made of glass.
:Goku: It can't be harder than my head. Just watch this! (jumps up to break the glass but without success, he hurts his head)
:Bulma: And from the looks of it, tempered glass.
:Yamcha: Well, I'm not giving up! First we're gonna get out of here then we're gonna find all seven Dragon Balls again.
:Bulma: There won't be any Dragon Balls for a year.
:Yamcha: What do you mean?!
:Oolong: Yeah, what gives?
:Bulma: It's all part of the legend: once the Eternal Dragon grants a wish and the Dragon Balls are scattered across the Earth again, they become inert for a full year. In other words, you won't even be able to tell if they're Dragon Balls; they'll just look like round stones.
:Yamcha: Are--are you serious?!
:Puar: Huh?!
:Oolong: Yike, that's harsh.
:Shu: (while Goku transforms into an ape, wakes up along with Mai) Oh, I hate it when Pilaf starts snoring like this.
:Mai: It feels like an earthquake.
:Shu: That's ridiculous!
===The Legend of Goku===
:Goku: No! I'm serious! My grandpa said a huge ape used to come out at a full moon!
:Bulma: Very funny, Goku. You should use that imagination to think of a way out of here!
:Goku: (eyes turn a tinted red and heart thumps very loud, begins to grow hair and teeth, also gains size and loses his clothes)
:Bulma: Goku, this isn't funny!
:Yamcha: I don't think he's joking.
:Emperor Pilaf: (while trying to escape from Goku by plane) Why won't it start up?!
:Mai: Maybe it's because you're not yelling loud enough! (Pilaf screams offensively)
:Bulma: (after Goku is turned back to his human self, sadly) We'd better not tell Goku that he stomped his grandpa to death. It would just break his little heart.
===Goku's Rival===
:Goku: I'm here for training!
:Master Roshi: (watching an exercise program) Now? Hold on. I'm doing my morning workout.
:Master Roshi: I tell ya, Goku. Studying martial arts is no Sunday picnic.
:Goku: I don't mind. I know I'll have to work hard to get stronger than you. 
:Master Roshi: Eh... heh heh. Really, kid... you could learn some manners.
:Goku: Heh heh ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha!
:Master Roshi: But you know my lessons don't come free. 
:Goku: Huh?
:Master Roshi: You must find me a young gal. It's the only way I can start training you.
:Goku: Okay. But what's a gal?
:Master Roshi: A gal! A fun girl I can go on a date with!
:Goku: Oh! That's kinda weird. But, if I find this girl, then you'll train me?
:Master Roshi: Ohh... yeah!
:Goku: Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha! Yippee!
:Master Roshi: Hold on there, Goku!
:Goku: Huh?
:Master Roshi: Are ya sure you know what to look for? A stallion like me has very particular taste!
:Goku: You want someone who'll be your friend.
:Master Roshi: Hmm... well, that'd be nice. But, I've got a few other guidelines. I'm a sucker for nice skin. She's not too young but not too old. And funny, too.
:Goku: That's a lot. But what does her skin have to do with it?
:Master Roshi: Uh...well... uh... I... uh... guess that's a lesson for another time.
:Goku: Okay. I'll find you someone nice!
:Master Roshi: That's my boy!
:Master Roshi: Looks like your first lesson won't be in martial arts.
:Goku: Aw, man!
:Master Roshi: (raises two pictures, one of an ugly woman and one of a pretty woman) Now, eh... which one of these is prettier?
:Goku: Hmm... I like both.
:Master Roshi: What are you... a saint!? (pointing at the pretty woman's picture) Just get me one of these girls, you got it!?
:Goku: Uh... I don't see the difference, but... okay!
:Master Roshi: Do your legs hurt, 'cuz you've been runnin'... all through my dreams!
:Mermaid: Pardon?
:Master Roshi: Heh heh heh heh. 
:Mermaid: I don't have legs.
:Master Roshi: Ah! So you're a mermaid, are you? Heh heh heh heh heh! (to himself) I knew there was somethin' fishy about this. I guess I can still try with her human half (to mermaid) Well, uh... I'm like a turtle, and you're part fish, so what do you say you and me go inside and learn more about our species! (The mermaid smacks Roshi and jumps into the water)
:Goku: I get it. The lesson is to keep your guard up!
:Master Roshi: Exactly...
:Krillin: Doesn't seem that you like fighting...
:Goku: I like marshmallows! Aha ha! 
:Krillin: What's that gotta do with anything?
:Goku: Ha ha ha! Well, I'm hungry! And your bald head looks like one!
:Krillin: What did you say!? Don't you know that everyone who's serious about martial arts shaves their head!? Look at Master Roshi! He shaves!
:Master Roshi: Nope. I'm naturally bald.
===Look out for Launch===
:Goku: (while they are on the flying Nimbus cloud) Hey, Krillin. Look. Do you think Master Roshi would like that lady over there?
:Krillin: You mean I have to look down? (Krillin sees a fat farmer) Goku, that's a man...
:Goku: Really? How can you tell? Gosh, they all look pretty much the same to me.
:Krillin: Huh? You're joking right? I mean, you really can't tell the difference?
:Goku: Well, usually I can figure it out. I just have to touch them first.
:Krillin: Huh? In case you can't tell, I'm a boy.
:Launch: Anyone else wanna call me their sweetheart!?
:Goku: Hey, why does Master Roshi wanna meet a girl so bad anyway?
:Krillin: Well, uh... I guess that he likes... uh... goin' on dates just as much as you like food.
:Goku: You mean he's going to eat her?
:Krillin: Uh... no, Goku. He's not.
:Krillin: (Launch is about to get naked in front of everyone in order to change her clothing) Whoah! You can change in the house if you want!
:Launch: Okay. Yes, that's a good idea. (Launch goes inside) 
:Master Roshi: Now why in the world did you have to bring that up!?
:Krillin: I panicked.
:Launch: (Launch sneezes and changes to her angry persona, finding that she's now wearing lingerie) Okay, boys! Who's idea was this? Wanna dress me like a doll? Well then please don't forget... the accessory machine gun! (Launch goes on a shooting rampage)
===Find that Stone!===
:Master Roshi: Gee, all that running made my tongue dry. Goku, grab me a brewski!
:Goku: Okay. What's a brewski?
:Krillin: Don't worry, Master. I gotcha.
:Master Roshi: Oh. Goku, I have many things to teach you besides fighting. Now, are you sure you weren't raised in a bubble?
:Krillin: (Krillin enters the house) Launch, which way is our refrigerator? (searches through the house)
:Launch: Careful! You're blowing up dust!
:Krillin: What?!
:Launch: Ah... Ah... Atchoo!
:Goku: Huh?
:Master Roshi: That's no yawn. (Launch chases Krillin with a butcher knife in her hand)
:Launch: Slow down, ya little pig! Hows about I cook YOU for dinner?!
:Krillin: The test is to throw stones?
:Goku: Master Roshi, your training sure is kinda weird. (picks up a stone laying nearby)
:Master Roshi: Throwing stones is not the test here. 
:Goku: Huh?
:Krillin: Huh?
:Master Roshi: The test is to find mine.
:Goku: What?
:Krillin: You mean the one you just threw?
:Master Roshi: Anyone can throw a stone, just like anyone can throw a punch. But to find a stone takes a focused mind and a calm spirit. This is what will separate you from the others. And so, the person who finds it, can keep the stone, and the one who doesn't, can keep their appetite.
:Krillin: You mean...
:Goku: You mean...
:Krillin: No supper!?
:Goku: No supper!?
:Krillin: Ah...ah!
:Master Roshi: That's right! And if no one brings the stone back in thirty minutes, then neither of you gets to eat! Now hurry up boys, time's already started! Watch out for snakes!
:Krillin: (while running to the house) Hello? Hello? Man at the door!
:African-American Woman: Huh? Where's the man?
:Krillin: I'm the man, ma'am. And I need to borrow a pen. It's an emergency.
:African-American Woman: A pen?
:Krillin: Yes, please.
:Master Roshi: (while proving that the stone has the kanji written by Krillin, and throws it at his head) Nice try, lame-o! But it is not my handwriting!!! Now get out!
:Krillin: (runs out of the house) Sorry!
:Krillin: (after Goku finds the stone) How in the world did you find that, Goku?
:Goku: It smells like Master Roshi.
:Krillin: What are you, a dog?
:Krillin: (after Krillin steals Goku's stone and challenges him for it) Let's roll! (Krillin and Goku are about to fight)
:Goku: Ha! I'd love to!
:Krillin: But first, you have to promise you won't cry to Master Roshi if I cause you death or permanent injury.
:Goku: Sure! If you swear to fight once without cheating!
:Master Roshi: (Master Roshi is reaching for Launch's buttocks as Krillin barges in and makes him angry) Do you time this?
===Milk Delivery===
:Master Roshi: Krillin, wake up! It's time to get started! Early bird and the worm... uh... you know the saying.
:Krillin: I don't even think the worms are awake yet...
:Master Roshi: Nice try. Now stop talking and start dressing.
:Launch: (to Goku) What are you doing in my bed, you pervert!?
:Goku: I slept here, sir. We only have two blankets...
:Launch: Grrr! Lame excuse, you little hedgehog! (pulls out her gun)
:Master Roshi: We do not learn martial arts to pick fights or to impress girls who will say "Oh beefcake, you're so strong, I want you." Heh. Muah. (does a kissing motion) Do you understand what I am saying?
:Krillin: Uhuh.
:Master Roshi: We must master the art of peace in addition to the art of war. We achieve victory by the art of war, victory is won through strategy, strategy is derived from the art of peace.
:Master Roshi: But, you will not go in there with hopes of winning the tournament the first time you compete. To do so would be arrogant! And arrogance is for fools, not warriors! So you will enter the tournament with the sole purpose of improving your fighting skills.
:Bulma: (Yamcha is facing a powerful opponent) That beast is going to beat Yamcha!
:Oolong: Well, don't blame the beast, Bulma. Yamcha did knock down twenty of his friends...
===The Turtle Hermit Way===
:Krillin: (after Master Roshi tells him they have to dig in a farm) First we're the milkmen, and now we're stinkin' farmers. We never did this in Orin Temple.
:Master Roshi: Each day we'll be hitting the books from now until lunchtime. A strong body is pointless unless you know how to use it, and that takes brain power.
:Goku: Oh... but I don't have that.
:Krillin: So the wonder boy has a weakness.
:Orin Temple Monk: (about Krillin) So that's why the master kept him. He makes such an excellent punching bag!
:Krillin: (after Goku moves a huge boulder all by himself) Krillin wants everybody to know he's speechless right now.
:Krillin: (after Master Roshi tells Goku and Krillin to swim a few laps in a lake) I guess Master Roshi's rewarding us for good behavior. 
:Goku: Yeah, it's kinda like takin' a bath! Heh! 
:Master Roshi: Oh, you better watch out boys! There's some big fish in there! 
:Krillin: Huh? What kind o' big fish? 
:Master Roshi: Sharks, mostly.
:Krillin: Huh?
:Goku: Uh? (a huge shark approaches) Did you feel that? Uh...?
:Krillin: Feel what? (The shark appears from underwater next to Krillin and Goku and they scream) Waaaah!
:Goku: Waaaah!!! 
:Master Roshi: (as Krillin tries to evade the shark) That's not a lap, Krillin! You forgot to touch the other side of the shore! 
:Krillin: Are you kiddin' me!?
:Krillin: Master... please say our training isn't gonna be this difficult every single day.
:Master Roshi: Of course not, Krillin. It will be much more difficult. For the next few months, you'll be doing the exact same training schedule as today, but you'll be wearing these stylish fifty pound turtle shells.
===The Tournament Begins===
:Krillin: So, what do ya think, Goku? You think there's even a chance we won't get creamed at the tournament? 
:Goku: Who knows? Maybe all we have to do is pretend our opponents are like another day of construction work.
:Bulma: Yamcha, I was worried about you. For all I knew, you were dead in a ditch in a country you can't pronounce. You'll have to make this up to me. And you're going to enjoy it.
:Master Roshi: Okay, boys. Did you remember to pack your toothbrushes?
:Krillin: Yes, sir.
:Goku: Tooth-what?
:Goku: Oh, wow! It's like a flying house! What do they call this thing again?
:Krillin: Airplane.
:Goku: How neat!
:Goku: (The plane is landing during the night time, and Goku sees the lights below) Oh, no! Look, master! There's stars on the ground!
:Master Roshi: Huh? Oh, don't worry. Those are city lights. We've arrived.
:Goku: Wow. So they make stars in the city? You think they'll give me one, master?
:Krillin: Caveman...
===Elimination Round===
:Bulma: (while she's standing on top of Oolong's shoulders to see the elimination rounds) I could see inside! 
:Oolong: Great, Bulma. That's the important thing. I mean, who cares if my spine's cracking?
:Bulma: I'm not speaking to you, Oolong!
:Oolong: What? After I defended you from that drooling army of perverts?
:Bulma: Yeah, somehow I can't see it as honorable when you're getting free looks of your own.
:Oolong: Come on, just think of it as payment for my services.
:Orin Temple Monk: What do we have here?
:Orin Temple Monk 2: It's our old punching bag.
:Krillin: Uh... hello...
:Orin Temple Monk: It's been a long time since I've seen you, Krillin... when you ran crying out of the Orin Temple.
:Krillin: Heh heh. Heh heh.
:Orin Temple Monk 2: But look. His clothes are so pretty... 
:Orin Temple Monk: Now surely you're not trying to fight in the world martial arts tournament? (The Monk begins tapping on Krillin's head)
:Krillin: Well... yeah... umm... like... I was thinking about it... 
:Orin Temple Monk: How horrible. Making all these real fighters waste their time on you.
:Orin Temple Monk 2: Have you forgotten what we taught you? That runts are always runts!?
:Krillin: No. I remember.
:Orin Temple Monk: You didn't run away this time. I can't say that's a healthy move, but at least you're less of a chicken!
:Yamcha: It's Wolf Fang Fist time!
:Wolfman: You humans come up with the wildest names to make your moves sound tough. But I'll show you how the real wolf attacks.
===Smells like Trouble===
:Krillin: Who's the stinkbucket?
:Yamcha: That's Bacterian. He's got Herculean strength but that comes second to his offensive odor. They say he's never taken a bath since the day he was born. His opponents can only fight with one hand because the other one has to hold their nose. He takes advantage of this to win.
:Krillin: That's a dirty trick.
:Goku: I think I'm gonna pass out.
:Jackie Chun: Sonny? 
:Announcer: Yes? (Jackie Chun yanks Ranfan by the arm) 
:Ranfan: Hey!
:Jackie Chun: Why don't you be a pal and put me in the ring with her?
:Announcer: Uh?
:Ranfan: Oh...
:Announcer: Huh? I don't take requests!
:Jackie Chun: (to himself) Young people are so unreasonable.
:Announcer: You lose if you fall outside of the ring, stay down for ten counts, or give up. But poking in the eyes or hitting in the private parts is not allowed.
:Goku: What parts are private?
:Announcer: You know what I mean... it's the things that makes us boys.
:Ranfan: But what... about... my parts?
:Announcer: Uh! Okay, everyone. I think that's enough questions for now. So just stay here and I'll come back when it's time.
:Goku: (after Bacterian performs a few disgusting and smelly moves) Krillin, hey! Focus your mind and you won't smell him! Just think about it. You don't have a nose, remember?
:Krillin: Huh? Hey! He's right!
:Announcer: Well, if we learned anything from this match, it's that no matter how used you are to your own stench, you'll always be stunned by someone else's. Now I just hope they can clean up the arena.
===Quarterfinals Continue===
:Giran: (to Goku) You took my food! No one does that! Rah! Rah! (Giran stomps a table, spilling more food)
:Krillin: Uh?
:Nam: Stop your wasting.
:Giran: Grr...grr... I'd like to see you try and stop me, mister skin and bones!
:Bulma: I wonder what this mysterious Jackie Chun guy looks like.
:Oolong: What's it to you, Bulma? I thought Yamcha was your boyfriend?
:Bulma: He is. But I can still keep my eyes open for an upgrade.
:Jackie Chun: (after dodging Yamcha's attacks) Your fighting moves are big and fun to look at, but I'm afraid most of them are just a waste of energy.
:Yamcha: I'll show you!
:Krillin: First it was that sewer-face and now I'm up against a superhero.
:Nam: I was warned that people in the city would try to trick me from my goal. But I swore that I wouldn't let anything stand in the way from saving the lives of my people!
:Announcer: Uh oh! Nam's temper is rising! I'd say he's preparing for a big attack!
:Ranfan: Oo! You're so brave.
:Nam: Don't you make a mockery of me! (Nam attacks and Ranfan dodges. Ranfan reciprocates with a combination of attacks which are blocked by Nam)
:Ranfan: Heh heh heh heh heh. Just one question. 
:Nam: Oh? (Ranfan strips off all her clothes except for her underwear and bra) Ahhh!!!
:Jackie Chun: Yahhh!!! 
:Nam: Eee...!
:Ranfan: You think pink's a good color on me?
:Nam: Eee....
:Ranfan: Eheh heh heh heh. You tough boys are all alike. 
:Jackie Chun: Please step back, everyone! I'm a doctor! (as he is touching the unconscious Ranfan's buttocks) Okay, let me just... check for a... heartbeat.
:Announcer: Excuse me, sir. I think you should go wait inside... Sir?
===Monster Beast Giran===
:Orin Temple Monk: It's a shame that the tournament has come down to two kids, a guy old enough to be their grandfather, a peasant, and a monster who likes milk!
:Orin Temple Monk 2: Yeah. This championship's a sham. I could beat them. Easy.
:Giran: Come here, mister handsome hero. Take care of the big bad monster.
:Orin Temple Monk: (after they are easily beaten by Giran) Remind me never to attack any ten foot monsters again.
:Orin Temple Monk 2: Yeah... me too...
:Giran: (after spitting out and entrapping Goku in his gooey substance) How do you like Giran's merry-go-round gum? 
:Goku: Oh no! 
:Giran: That's right! Go ahead and struggle, kid. The harder you try, the tighter it gets. Face it. You're stuck. Right where I want you.
:Giran: (to Goku) I'm going to knock the living hoo-ha out of you, you little nuisance of a kid! Argh! Time's up! Just close your eyes! This is only gonna hurt for a second!
===Krillin's Frantic Attack===
:Jackie Chun: It's rare that I find a fighter who can follow my movements. 
:Krillin: It comes natural. I was trained by the best. Master Roshi's my teacher.
:Jackie Chun: Let's see if your master's training can get you through this one.
:Krillin: Whenever you're ready.
:Jackie Chun: How many of you ladies out there love me? Alright! A boo boo boo boo! A dee dee dee! I know you ladies love me! Because I am so studly! Alright! Eheh! Ow! I know I'm causin' a reaction! But that's cause I'm the main attraction! Come on now, ladies, can't you see that a martial artist's life is the only life for me! 
:Krillin: It looked like it was going to be germ warfare, but the Bacterian fight got me ready for that.
:Jackie Chun: (after Krillin tosses women's underwear in the ring and Chun jumps for it, resulting in his getting kicked sky high into the air by Krillin) Kids, you just can't trust 'em nowadays!
:Yamcha: (after trying to yank out Jackie Chun's hair, suspecting that he's really Master Roshi) I get it now! You've had hair the whole time! You've just been covering it up with a bald cap!
:Jackie Chun: How do we know that you're not Master Roshi wearing an ugly mask!
===Danger from Above===
:Nam: I was certain I had lost this match. Fate has given me another chance to win.
:Nam: I will strike like a lightning bolt from the sky!
:Nam: Young warrior, I have no desire to harm you. I do this only because it is my duty to help my people.
:Nam: It is against my way to harm any creature. You will regain consciousness in eight to ten days.
:Oolong: Hey, kid! Remember, before you ever got famous, I was your best buddy!
:Bulma: And I discovered him!
:Puar: Me too!
:Yamcha: Hah! Man! Win or lose, Goku's already made it in the history books. I have to take my hat off to the kid. Hah!
:Jackie Chun: Yes, indeed. He's a remarkable young man. To accomplish what he's accomplished at his age is truly extraordinary.
===The Grand Finals===
:Jackie Chun: Sorry to put your lights out like that, Goku, but it had to end sometime. 
:Yamcha: Don't be fooled, Goku. He's using the drunken boxing technique. He's only pretending to be tipsy.
:Goku: Tipsy?
:Jackie Chun: Having some trouble, Goku? Yes, it's hard to drunken box if you've never been drunk before!
:Goku: Crazy monkey technique!
:Jackie Chun: I'm not out of this yet. In fact, I've already won.
:Goku: You have?
===Number One Under the Moon===
:Jackie Chun: (after putting Goku to sleep by hypnotizing him) The sleepy boy technique. Eheh heh heh heh heh. I win.
:Announcer: Uh... Hold on. That was hypnotism. You're supposed to use martial arts in this tournament.
:Jackie Chun: Oh... come on. The sleepy boy is a martial arts classic. Now just count to ten, will ya?
:Announcer: But just think of how the fans are going to react if we end the tournament this way. Kind of anticlimactic, you know?
:Jackie Chun: Who cares about the fans? It's the kid's own darn fault for falling for such a thing anyway. Now start counting or I'll sleepy boy you!
:Announcer: Oh gosh!
:Bulma: Goku, we'll go and eat a big dinner as soon as you beat that smelly Jackie Chun!
:Goku: Okay! Aha ha ha ha ha! Then, I'd better hurry and get this over with!
:Jackie Chun: Darn you! It's no time to be stubborn when your life is at stake!
:Yamcha: There's no use trying to talk to 'im! When Goku changes like that, he loses all sense of himself! He's just a big ape with a sweet tooth for tearing people's limbs off!
:Krillin: Oh, is that all?
:Jackie Chun: I'm sorry. I only did what had to be done.
===The Final Blow===
:Jackie Chun: Well, with the moon destroyed, it can't possibly get full again, so Goku won't turn into a big ape. Heh heh heh. Sometimes, I'm so clever, it amazes even me.
:Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Jackie Chun has done a reprehensible thing.
:Jackie Chun: Huh?
:Announcer: What's going to light up the skies for us at night? What about romantic moonlit walks? And you can just say goodbye to relaxing oceanwave CD's. And what about the Wolfman? What will he howl at?
:Jackie Chun: Stop being a goof and start counting!
:Fat Woman: (seeing Goku completely naked) I shouldn't look, but I am.
:Jackie Chun: We've both done every fancy tricks our body can handle. It looks like we'll have to rely on good old karate chops and flying kicks to finish this. The strongest man will stay standing. It's as simple as that.
:Goku: Sounds like fun to me.
:Yamcha: (about Master Roshi) Where is he?
:Bulma: Did you try the ladies room?
:Krillin: Goku got robbed at the end. He would've won if he hadn't been so hungry.
:Goku: I don't know about that, Krillin. Jackie was pretty strong. I still don't think I could've beat him.
:Master Roshi: That's for sure. You've got lots to learn before you're up to his level and plenty of others are just as strong! There's a whole dimension of fighting techniques that you don't know yet. All training so far has been child's play. The real stuff is yet to come.
:Krillin: Right!
:Goku: Right!
:Master Roshi: (to himself) I should start recording my speeches and sell them.
:Goku: (after ferociously eating a lot of restaurant food) I sure was hungry!
:Bulma: He just ate fifty seven full course meals!
:Yamcha: Really? I lost track around forty.
:Goku: Can I have another bowl please? (everyone gets shocked)
:Master Roshi: I think you've had enough for one day.
:Goku: Yeah, you're right. I probably should save room for some dessert. (everyone collapses from shock)
===The Roaming Lake===
:Krillin: Actually master, I was looking forward to going with you to your island so we could start training for the next tournament.
:Master Roshi: Huh? Look, kid. What do I have to do? Spell it out for you? I need you to leave, scram. You're cramping my style! 
:Krillin: In the next tournament, I wanna score big!
:Master Roshi: So do I! (to himself) More than you'll ever know. I can see it now. Cocktails at sunset. A gorgeous gal. Launch. Yes. Nice dress. Big blue eyes. Great big... heh heh. A total hottie captivated by my rugged good looks and not another soul around. Oh well, I guess there goes that little slice of heaven.
:Goku: (to a pterodactyl as it's carrying Nam in midair) Drop him off now!
:Pterodactyl: Do I look like a taxi service?
:Nam: (after Goku pats Nam in his groin) Ah, stop it! What are you doing?
:Goku: Oh, you are a boy!
:Nam: Yes. Yes I am.
:Goku: Sorry, it's hard to tell sometimes. You can check me if you want.
:Nam: No. Just so you know, the people in my village greet others by shaking hands, period.
:Bulma: (after their car runs out of gas in the middle of the desert) Too bad someone forgot to pack extra gasoline.
:Yamcha: Eh, shame it won't run on good looks. I'd keep it going forever.
:Yamcha: (after surviving a sandstorm) South city!?
:Oolong: I don't believe it. The storm blew us right back where we started. I need a vacation.
:Bulma: I need a bath.
===Pilaf and the Mystery Force===
:Emperor Pilaf: (to an artwork of Shenron on the wall) You are my true inspiration. With you by my side, the whole world will be mine.
:Shu: Aw, I didn't know you cared.
:Emperor Pilaf: I was talking to the dragon.
:Colonel Silver: (after he barges in along with his men) Good afternoon. You'll have to excuse the temper of my men. We've been traveling all day and it's left them a bit irritable. Hmmm... something smells good. But I can't stay for dinner. Work's got me swamped. You see I'm searching for something called... a Dragon Ball. Perhaps you good people could tell me where it is... before something bad happens.
:Man: Please, leave us alone. We don't have what you're looking for.
:Colonel Silver: Really? Pity. It's a shame to raise children in a broken home. (to his men) Destroy everything.
:Shopkeeper: You search for something unique. Something rare and out of the ordinary?
:Emperor Pilaf: Extraordinary, with the power to rule the world! Aha ha ha ha ha ha!
:Mai: Why don't you put it on a billboard...?
:Shopkeeper: (after Colonel Silver drops and breaks the fake Dragon Ball) These what-chama-call-its are fragile antiques. Priceless.
:Colonel Silver: Dragon Ball. Priceless. And unbreakable.
:Shopkeeper: But I... uh... uh...
:Colonel Silver: It's here somewhere, buried in all this crap. Think very carefully. The next word you say could determine the quality of the rest of your life.
:Colonel Silver: (after executing the shopkeeper) A boring conversation anyway.
===Wedding Plans?===
:Ox-King: Did you hear that Chi-Chi? Your Goku is heading to our village.
:Chi-Chi: Oh, boy. Goku will fall in love with me and we'll be married and we'll live happily ever after.
:Ox-King: Married!? Aren't you too young to be getting married? Besides, how well do you know this boy?
:Chi-Chi: Oh, daddy. When it's the right time, you just know it.
:Soldier: Colonel, that's the Ox-King!
:Colonel Silver: I see that. Our job just got considerably harder.
:Emperor Pilaf: I don't get it. Why does Goku get this big welcome... when I, the great emperor, get zilch?
:Chi-Chi: (about getting married) Oh... I didn't think this day would ever come, did you?
:Goku: Well, yeah. Tomorrow always comes.
:Chi-Chi: So, I was thinking. When we get married, I wanna have a really big family, okay? Do you feel the same?
:Goku: Uh? I think I fell asleep.
==Site Navigation==
Category:Quotes