Sister Transcript

Are you listening?
Am I in love? I think I am. It is hard to say though, because there has never been a time that I can remember when I did not feel like this. So, I'd guess that I have nothing to compare it to. You understand then, that it's difficult for me to tell either way.
I know that I can't stand it when he's away. I feel like I want to pull out my hair in great big clumps or scream until I'm coughing up blood. I can't stand it.
I can't stand it.
When we were little, I used to cry, and cry, and cry, when he went away. Until, one day, he made me promise not to cry any more, and I didn't. Because I'm a good girl.
We've been together since we were little, we grew up together. I can't remember what it was like before him. I was so sad when we went to school, and they told us we couldn't be together any more.
We used to play together all the time when we were little, but when we went to school, they told us we couldn't do that now. Boys have to play with boys, and girls have to play with girls.
He used to get so mad when he heard that the others were teasing me. He'd shout and throw things and the teacher had to put him in time-out for a super long time. Even though I was sad when they were mean to me, I was so happy when he got angry. I know I shouldn't have. Good girls shouldn't be happy when boys are like that. But I was.
I'm not sure I'm a good girl any more, doctor.
The Other Girl? That was when we were older. That wasn't too long ago.
No, I don't remember much about her. I think she was pretty, wasn't she? She would have to be. He liked pretty girls. Maybe she was prettier than me? I got so mad, though.
I got so mad. I got so mad. I got so mad. I got so mad.
I don't know what happened. That's when they brought me here. They said something bad happened. I'm sick. Well. That's what they say. I feel fine though.
Mostly I just miss him. I stay awake at night and cry, and cry, and cry, but he never comes. I wonder why he never comes?
Do you know, doctor? That something good happened today? It's a secret. I'll tell you later If you promise not to tell. Do you promise?
Anyway. Where was I? Right. So I took the pills, because they said it would make me feel better. Sometimes they did. Except I didn't really feel better. They just made it harder to remember, easier to forget. And I think that was enough.
But then I would remember again, and the pills would change. First blue, like my bed sheets, then white, like the walls, then red, like the other stuff, then pink, like me. They are good at changing the pills. I think that must be why they are so smart, like you. I think you are a very good doctor. That's why I'm telling you this.
The Other Girl?
I don't want to talk about her anymore. I don't. I don't. I don't.
They told me he didn't want to come and visit me; but I knew that was a lie. I kept quiet though. It was better if they thought I didn't know what I did know. I think I was getting better. Am I getting better? I'm getting better.
I think I'm getting better.
Do you want to know that secret now, doctor?
I don't think I'll be able to see you again anymore. No, that's not it. I think I'm leaving. I think I'm getting better.
How do I know?
...That's a secret.
Doctor? Are you reading this? You were a nice doctor, so I'm sending you this.
He came for me today. There was an accident, and They went away to Heaven. I can't stay here any more. He's taking me away.
He told me that he wanted to come and visit me, but They wouldn't let him. They said that he was the reason I was sick, and that I wouldn't get better if They let me see him. I think They were wrong, doctor. Because now, I'm all better.
I feel so happy now that They are gone. It's just the two of us now, and I'm so happy. We're together all the time now, we get up together, I make him breakfast, we go to school, and at night, well.
We're to-ge-ther.
Thank you, doctor. Thank you for listening. I think I know the answer now.
I do love him.
I love my brother.
Category:Diary/Journal