Epitaphs

On the grave of Ezekiel Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia: 
        Here lies Ezekiel Aikle Age 102: The Good Die Young. 
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In a London, England cemetery: 
        Ann Mann: Here lies Ann Mann, Who lived an old maid But died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767.
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In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery: 
        Anna Wallace: The children of Israel wanted bread. And the Lord sent them manna.
        Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife. And the Devil sent him Anna. 
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Playing with names in a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery: 
        Here lies Johnny Yeast, Pardon me For not rising. 
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Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery: 
        Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake: Stepped on the gas Instead of the brake. 
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In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:        
Here lays Butch. We planted him raw. He was quick on the trigger, But slow on the draw. 
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A widow wrote this epitaph in a Vermont cemetery: 
        Sacred to the memory of my husband John Barnes who died January 3, 1803.         His comely young widow, aged 23, has many qualifications of a good wife, and yearns to be comforted. 
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A lawyer's epitaph in England: 
        Sir John Strange: Here lies an honest lawyer, And that is Strange. 
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Someone determined to be anonymous in Stowe, Vermont: 
        I was somebody. Who, is no business Of yours. 
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Lester Moore was a Wells, Fargo Co. station agent for Naco, Arizona in the cowboy days of the 1880's. He's buried in the Boot Hill Cemetery in Tombstone, Arizona:
         Here lies Lester Moore.  Four slugs from a .44.  No Les No More. 
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In a Georgia cemetery: 
        "I told you I was sick!" 
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John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery:
        Reader, if cash thou art in want of any.   Dig 4 feet deep, and thou wilt find a Penny. 
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On Margaret Daniels grave at Hollywood Cemetery, Richmond, Virginia: 
         She always said her feet were killing her but nobody believed her. 
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In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England: 
        On the 22nd of June - Jonathan Fiddle - Went out of tune. 
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Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont: 
        Here lies the body of our Anna Done to death by a banana. 
        It wasn't the fruit that laid her low. 
        But the skin of the thing that made her go. 
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More fun with names with Owen Moore in Battersea, London, England: 
        Gone away Owin' more than he could pay. 
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Someone in Winslow, Maine, didn't like Mr. Wood: 
        In Memory of Beza Wood Departed this life Nov. 2, 1837 Aged 45 yrs. 
        Here lies one Wood enclosed in wood, One Wood Within another. 
        The outer wood Is very good: We cannot praise The other. 
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On a grave from the 1880's in Nantucket, Massachusetts: 
        Under the sod and under the trees Lies the body of Jonathan Pease. 
        He is not here, there's only the pod: Pease shelled out and went to God. 
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The grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pennsylvania:
        Who was fatally burned March 21, 1870 by the explosion of a lamp filled with "R.E. Danforth's Non-Explosive Burning Fluid"
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Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York: Born 1903--Died 1942 
        Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was. 
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In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery: 
        Here lies an Atheist All dressed up And no place to go. 
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But does he make house calls?
         Dr. Fred Roberts, Brookland, Arkansas: Office upstairs
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In a cemetery in England:
        Remember man, as you walk by,        as you are now, so once was I.        As I am now, so shall you be.
        Remember this and follow me.
To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:
        To follow you, I'll not consent
        until I know which way you went.
Category:Aging Humor
Category:Language Humor