Moving Up In This Craphole

Moving Up In This Craphole is the 2nd episode of the 4th season of the spin-off, NKC, written by AllisonLoaded. It released October 5th, 2022.
==Plot==
Lankton tests Krabs and Rex’s abilities to resist their urges; Patrick gets a job as an officer.
==Script==
(Episode begins with a fade-in of Dr. Lankton’s rehab session with Rex and Krabs)
Lankton: Now, alright, you two, it’s time to begin our long and laborious path to recovery.
Krabs: Laborious? As in, it will be a large, painful effort?
Lankton: Only if you don’t do what I say. Trust me. 
(Lankton gives a death glare at Krabs)
Rex: Can we get started then? I don’t want to be here all day.
Lankton: You’ll only be here for 5 hours everyday. 
Rex: (Angry sigh) Why?!
Lankton: Hey, that’s the court’s order. And trust me, I am no happier about this than you are, pal.
Krabs: So you don’t WANT to help us?
Lankton: No, no - I like helping out. The problem is, I don’t like doing it for 5 hours a damn day. The least I want to do is ONE hour.
Rex: Well, the sooner we stop talking, the sooner we get this done.
Lankton: Precisely. Now, let’s start with our first session. 
Rex: (Stands up) Hi, my name is Rex, and-
Lankton: No, no, remain seated - for our first session we are going to test your ability to resist your urges.
Rex: Uh, what do you mean? Will I have to go a week without cocaine again?
Lankton: No, no. Well, depending on how long rehab is, technically yes? But I don’t like getting into technical shit. So I’ll just say, no. 
(Lankton approaches the table in the middle of the room and tosses a bag of cocaine onto it)
Lankton: This is a bag of cocaine. 
Rex: I like where this is going.
Lankton: And this - oh, for fuck’s sake, I forgot it. Hang on, I’ll return in a bit.
(Lankton walks out of the room, and a person’s scream is heard as Lankton drags a dead body across the floor and tosses it onto the table)
Lankton: This is a corpse.
Rex: Did you just-
Lankton: Yes, I did. This will go faster if you don’t question my methods.
Krabs: Whose corpse even is this?
Lankton: It’s some random dude. I don’t know his name. Now please, let me continue on. I will leave you two in this room for 5 minutes, to see how long you can last without giving in to your urges. I will be timing you, so good luck. And, Krabs… If you give in to your urges, please just… Do it in the corner.
Krabs: Okay..?
Lankton: I’ll be observing from this chair in the corner.
(Camera reveals a chair sitting ominously in a dark corner of the room)
Rex: Was that always there?
Lankton: Five minutes begin NOW. 
(Lankton walks away to his chair)
Lankton: I always love these urge-resistance tests. (Hops on chair, turns around at Krabs and Rex. Gasps in shock as he sees that Rex has snorted all the cocaine in the bag, and Krabs and the corpse are both gone. Lankton sighs quietly to himself) This is gonna be a long rehab.
(Fade to the 3 back at the middle of the room)
Lankton: Alright, since you two lasted less than 3 seconds in the resistance test, we’re gonna do something more streamlined.
Krabs: What kind of rehab even has resistance tests?
Lankton: Look, Krabs, doing unorthodox tests and sessions is the price to pay to work with the best rehab in Bikini Bottom. Now, as I have said plenty of times, this will go so much faster if you just stop asking questions.
Krabs: Aye, sir.
Lankton: We’re gonna try the resistance test once more; This time, though, I am not taking my eyes off you. (Throws cocaine and corpse on table) You know the drill.
Krabs: Is this the same corpse as before?
Lankton: Yes. I don’t want to have to get a new one. I’ll be going back to the chair now, but this time my eyes will be firmly on you two. Timer is for 5 minutes.
(Lankton backs up to his chair and sits on it)
Lankton: Timer begins now.
Rex: Psht. How little do you think of us? Do you think we’d really fail a second - (notices Krabs with his hand on the corpse) get your fucking hand off that corpse, Krabs.
Krabs: What? (Notices Krabs has his hand on the corpse) When did this happen? (Notices Rex’s hand on the bag of cocaine) REX! GET YOUR HANDS OFF THE COCAINE!
Rex: Oh shit, what the fuck?
Krabs: Okay. We both obviously need to keep our eyes firmly on eachother.
Rex: Agreed. Let’s just sit down and not take our eyes off eachother.
Lankton: Good, good. I like this cooperation.
(Rex and Krabs just stare at eachother)
Lankton: You both made it to 10 seconds so far. I’m impressed! Beats your last time, which was - (blinks once and when he opens his eyes, Rex is snorting the cocaine and Krabs and the corpse are gone again; Lankton very angrily sighs)
(Fade to the 3 once again back in the room)
Lankton: Okay, so that test was ALSO a bust.
Rex: We did better, though, right?
Lankton: Obviously, yes. But there is still a huge margin for improvement. Tell you what; Our session today is just about over, so we’ll improve on this tomorrow.
Krabs: So we’re allowed to go?
Lankton: Yes, you may leave.
(Krabs and Rex both slowly walk out the building. When they are gone, Lankton sighs heavily as he takes out a some alcohol and begins drinking it so heavily it spills on his shirt)
Lankton: Don’t worry, (quiet burp) Lankton… After this session, you can quit… You don’t like doing this… But you gotta push on… (Sighs heavily as he continues drinking and burps) Tomorrow will be a better day… Tomorrow is always a better day… 
(Lankton passes out on his sofa. Fade to Patrick walking up to NKC)
Patrick: Ah, New Kelp City. It’s just as drab as I remember. (Coughs heavily) And the air is just as unbreathable and polluted… (Looks at a passerby flipping him off as he walks across the street) The citizens are just as rude… (The passerby gets hit by a car) And the drivers are still drunk 24/7. Yup, it’s time to finally fix this craphole fucking town. 
(Patrick looks around, sees the police center, which is very noticeably broken and in disrepair; Patrick walks right in)
Receptionist: Welcome to New Kelp City’s police center. 
Patrick: Hello, I’m here to apply for an officer position.
Receptionist: (Throws costume and badge at Patrick) You’re hired.
Patrick: What, that’s it? No training, interviews, background checks, nothing? You just hand out jobs like this?
Receptionist: Listen, pal, it doesn’t matter. This town fucking sucks, so we just don’t bother.
Patrick: Concerning… But, okay, I guess.
(Patrick puts on his police uniform, which comes with a gun, taser and baton)
Patrick: Oh shit, look at these weapons! So… when do I get my first assignment?
Receptionist: Ask the chief. He’s through that door.
Patrick: Thanks.
(Patrick walks into the chief’s office, which is just as dirty as the rest of the building; the chief of police is an anchovy)
Patrick: Hi, I am a new recruit, and I was wondering if I could get my first assignment
Chief: Wait, did you just get hired?
Patrick: Yeah?
Chief: (Facepalms hard) I am going to fire that fucking receptionist. I TOLD HIM SO MANY TIMES TO STOP RECRUITING RANDOM CITIZENS.
Patrick: Uh… So can I get my first assignment?
Chief: What? Oh. Sure, whatever. I can’t fire you because you haven’t messed up yet or anything. Well, the only assignment I can offer you is very dangerous, and there isn’t a guarantee of success.
Patrick: Spit it out. I don’t care about death. I’ve seen so many people die.
Chief: We highly suspect this local grocery store, called “Barg N’ Mart,” is operating a huge drug front. We haven’t confirmed, but we’re suspicious.
Patrick: Barg N’ Mart? What makes you think that place is a drug front?
Chief: Listen, we’ve been on this damn case for over 3 years and we’re just now going to raid the place. I can’t get into everything.
Patrick: Okay, so… When does this raid start?
Chief: Tomorrow, at 10 AM.
Patrick: I’ll be there, chief.
Chief: Good. And if you mess this up, you are fired.
Patrick: Yeah, got it. I gotta prepare for this drug bust. See you tomorrow chief.
Chief: See ya. (Smokes a blunt and coughs hard) That is some grade A shit.
(Patrick walks out the office)
Patrick: Man, I can’t wait for tomorrow. A drug bust will be a fun GOD DAMNIT I FORGOT TO FIND A PLACE TO LIVE.
(Sudden cut to black)
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