Conspire To Rewire

==Publishers summary==
==Script==
Episode opens with a human-sized female robot. Foamy is seen rewiring the robot from the back of her head. There's a cord connected to the robot and Foamy's laptop
Begley
Right, so what's all this, then?
Foamy
Uh, this thing was delivered to us by mistake.
Begley
Well, what the fuck is it?
Foamy
Um, apparently it's some sort of a Japanese sex robot. It's only desire is to please you.
Sex Robot
I am here to please you.
Begley
These Japanese are so clever
Foamy
Rewiring the robot
They should really put all of their technology, ya know, to better use, rather than wasting it on robotic handjobs.
Sex Robot
I will fuck.
Begley
Who was it posted to, anyway?
Foamy
Well, it was supposed to go to the pizza guy, but for some reason, the postal worker couldn't tell the difference between letter G and Q, so here it is.
Sex Robot
Hello.
Begley
Well, what are you doing to its head, mate?
Foamy
Rewiring the robot
I'm trying to rewire this fucking thing
Sex Robot
Neural!
Begley
Bit angrily
Oh, oh, I see. Is that why I'm here? To do the reprogramming?
Foamy
Dude, you're the tech head; I just rule here!
Begley
Angrily
Very nice. I don't show up for a fortnight, and now there's something that needs to be done. "Well, we'll call our chap Begley! He'll do all the work!" Well, fuck that, mate! I bend to no one's will!
Foamy
Irritatingly
Dude, stop being such a crumpet-sucker! There's the computer! Just reprogram the commands.
Begley
Give me one good reason why.
Foamy
Because you play a significant role in teaching someone an important lesson that technology is no substitute for humanity
Sex Robot
Boring
Begley
Right, very good, then. What do you need me to do?
Foamy
Just program its basic functions. So, ya know, instead of this thing giving someone a blowjob, have it punch him in the face!
Begley
Typing in the computer
Right.
Sex Robot
[makes another sound I can't quite make out of]
Foamy
And instead of submitting to buttsex, have it poop in their eye!
Sex Robot
Poop
Begley.
Um, can this thing really poop?
Sex Robot
Eat my poop.
Foamy
Well, it's the special "fetish edition".
Sex Robot
Doodyhead.
Begley
Typing in computer
Right.
Foamy
Also, change the, uh, foot fetish mode to "spin ramhouse" kick in the nuts!
Begley
You're one twisted wanker!
Sex Robot
Ah ah
Begley
Can I make it puke on him whenever he touches a lip?
Foamy
Go for it, dude!
Begley types some more in the computer
Sex Robot
I will explode my tits in your eyeball with poop.
Foamy
Once you're done with that, we'll work on the lactating nipples of acid!
Begley
Typing in computer
Spot on, mate. Spot on.
Sex Robot
Eat my poop, doodyhead.
End Screen appears. A drill whirring is heard.
==External Links==
*Illwillpress website