Islandwide Treasure

The eighth chapter of Total Drama: Tiki Jungle, posted on March 11, 2011.
==Story==
"Last time on Total Drama: Tiki Jungle..." begins Chris. "The two teams participated in strange, random mini-challenges. Some highlights were Devin wrestling Gary, and Nic versus Trey in a puzzle-showdown. The Tikis lost again, this time sending home Carson for some unknown reason. Anyways, will the Tikis get completely wiped out? Tune in today on Total Drama... Tiki Jungle!"
The scene switched to the Over Nine Thousand dorm, where they are discussing last names.
"So, we know Gary's last name is Ford..." says Octavia.
"Garrison Ford is my full name." says Gary.
"We don't care." says Helga.
"Trey, what's yours?" asks Gary.
"My what?" says Trey.
"Last name, you idiot." says Helga.
"Oh, it's St. Clair." says Trey.
Arthur bursts out laughing.
"What?" asks Trey. "You find my last name funny?"
"Yes, I actually do. I mean, Clair is a girl's name. So basically part of your last name is a girl's name. And St. reminds me of St. Nicholas, who is Santa Claus. And Santa Claus is basically some fat guy who comes in and steals your cookies. He also sees you when you're sleeping and knows when you're awake and bad and good so be good for goodness sake. And a tray is something you put food on when you're at a crappy restaurant. So, basically, your name is Something-you-put-food-on-when-you're-at-a-crappy-restaurant Santa Claus Girl's Name." says Arthur.
Trey slaps his forehead.
"You're calling Santa Claus a fat guy?" asks Meg snidely.
"I am not fat, I am morbidly obeeeese. You do know there is a difference." says Arthur calmly.
Chrissy is carving a picture of her face on the toilet.
"What's your last name?" asks Arthur.
"Your mother." says Chrissy.
"Chrissy Your-Mother?" asks Arthur. "Is Chrissy your real first name?"
"Nope, it's Christian." says Chrissy.
Arthur bursts out laughing again. "That's a dude's name!"
Chrissy pulls a knife out of her pocket.
Gary is playing some sort of video game.
Gary says in the confessional, "I found this on the ground yesterday. It's sorta cool, actually. I think it was in some sort of treasure chest. I don't know if I should have taken it, but whatever."
"Hey, is that Pogeyman Gray?" asks Chrissy. "I used to love the Pogeymans series. Now, it's sorta jank."
"Jank?" asks Helga skeptically.
"Dumb, uncool, idiotic." says Chrissy.
"Ah." says Helga. "I see."
Arthur is twiddling his thumbs.
"Anyone have a cup I can borrow?" he asks.
"Why would you need a cup?" asks Trey.
"Um... never mind..." says Arthur awkwardly.
Everyone stares at him.
The scene switches to the Terrible Tikis' cabin.
"Are we even allowed to call ourselves a team anymore?" asks Julia.
"Meh." says Nic. About six pillows are stuffed in his shirt.
"What's wit' th' pillows, dawggy?" asks Devin.
"It makes me look buff." says Nic.
"Actually, it just makes you look really fat. Or morbidly obeeeese, like Arthur." says Julia.
Nic mumbles something dirty.
"All right, guys, we have to win this challenge, or else neither of you will wake up tomorrow morning." says Julia.
"Fine then, homes. Ya don' hafta be like dat, G." says Devin.
"What is the challenge, anyways?" asks Nic.
Chris rudely enters the cabin.
"A treasure hunt." he says. "Meet me at the center of the jungle in five."
Five minutes later, the contestants meet Chris at the jungle.
"I am very, very mad." says Chris.
"Pourquoi?" asks Octavia.
"Parce que, some idiot took one of the treasures. It was a Pogeymans game. And do not speak French." says Chris.
Gary looks disturbed.
"You did not take the game, did you?" asks Chris.
Gary whistles innocently. The game falls out of his back pocket.
"A-ha." says Chris. "B-U-S-T-E-D, you are busted."
Gary's underarms begin to sweat.
"All righty then, onto the rules of the challenge." says Chris hurriedly. "Each team will get a treasure map. You will have to follow the map, obviously, and get the treasure, even more obviously. First team to return with the treasure wins invincibility."
"Please be the Tikis... Please be the Tikis..." chants Meg.
"The treasures will be many things. They might be money, while they might be... worthless junk." laughs Chris. "Here are the maps. See ya later." Chris hands the teams their maps.
"All right, everyone, time to get moving. I'll be in charge of the map." says Gary.
"Are you sure?" asks Trey. "Couldn't we just put it in this?"
"What is that?" asks Arthur.
"It is a satchel." says Trey.
"Nope, that looks like a man purse." says Arthur.
"I was afraid you'd say that." says Trey.
"Anyways, let's go. The other team is already ahead." says Octavia.
"Isn't that we want?" asks Meg.
"Touche." says Octavia.
The Terrible Tikis are marching in a line.
"All righty, everybody. If we want to win, we have to follow this map." says Nic.
"No duh, Sherlock." says Julia.
"Ya know, ya jus' sap th' joy outta everythin', dont'cha?" asks Devin.
"Pull your pants up, it's nasty." says Julia.
"Wait a sec, there must be a mistake." says Nic.
"Why?" asks Julia.
"Well, the map ends right here, and we're right by the ocean." says Nic.
Chris drives by on a tractor.
"It wasn't a typo. Get your bathing suits on." he says, then chugs away.
A couple minutes later, the Tikis are all ready to go into the water.
"You know, you don't look that bad in a bikini." says Nic.
Julia glares at him.
"And you don't look that good in a Speedo." says Julia.
"Wait a sec, why you be wearin' a Speedo, boy?" asks Devin.
"Alejandro did." says Nic.
"Gotcha." says Devin.
"How do we know where the treasure is?" asks Julia.
"I don' think we do, shawty." says Devin.
"Let's just go in." says Nic.
The three Tikis jump in the water.
Meanwhile, Over Nine Thousand is walking about.
" ♪ We're marching, we're marching, we're marching everywhere. ♪ " sings Arthur.
"Shut up, Arthur." says Chrissy.
" ♪ We're marching, we're marching, hope we don't see a bear. ♪ " sings Arthur.
Chrissy grumbles.
"Sing with me, Gary." says Arthur.
Gary begins to sing the annoying song.
Chrissy pulls out a knife, and the boys immediately stop.
"Wait a sec, Gary, where's the map?" asks Meg.
"Oh, no." says Gary. He cannot find it.
"Gary, you idiot. Why did you misplace the map?" asks Helga.
"I'm sorry, guys!" screams Gary.
"You know, we aren't really gettin' anywhere. We might as well just drop our stuff, sit down, and play Maplopoly." says Chrissy.
"A good man always comes prepared." says Arthur, and pulls a mini Maplopoly board game out of his pants.
"Ooh! Ooh! Let me play!" says Trey immaturely.
"Drop the man-purse." says Arthur.
"Satchel." argues Trey.
"Wow, what idiots." says Meg.
"I know, that game isn't even fun!" says Octavia.
"Anyways, where do you think the treasure is?" asks Meg.
"I don't know, we don't have the map, because GARY--" begins Chrissy.
"Stop, Chrissy, you're making me feel guilty." says Gary.
"That's sorta the point." says Chrissy.
Meanwhile, the Terrible Tikis are in the water.
Julia is thrashing about. "Where's the treasure?" she screams.
"I DUNNO!" screams Nic.
A shark comes up behind Julia.
"WATCH OUT!" screams Nic.
"YOU KNOW, I CAN HEAR YOU. YOU DON'T HAVE TO USE CAPITAL LETTERS." says Julia.
The shark tries to bite Julia.
Julia punches the shark in the face. "Aargh! Take that!" she screams.
Nic is digging in the sand for the treasure.
"I think I see it!" says Nic, and digs up a red object.
"Uh, I don't think treasure chests are red." says Julia.
Julia is right. The thing Nic digs up is actually a small octopus.
"Watch out, dawg!" says Devin.
The octopus squirts Nic in the face with ink.
"Just my luck." says Nic. He slowly swims away.
"Hey, wha' could be dis?" asks Devin. He digs something brown out of the sand. "OH MY LAWD!" he screams.
"What?" says Julia. "Did you find the treasure?"
"Yeah, G's! Th' treasure! We's finally won, homes!" says Devin.
"Aw man, it's heavy." says Julia, trying to pick up the treasure. "Who is strong enough?"
"Moi." says Nic.
"Nah, let's go wit' me, brotha." says Devin. He picks up the chest and hauls it up to the surface.
Chris is waiting for the Tikis. "I knew you'd eventually pull it off."
The Tikis cheer, and group hug.
"Now, we just have to wait for the other team, who's already behind." says Chris.
The scene changes to Over Nine Thousand.
"Do you have tight glutes?" asks Arthur.
"You know, my knife did not disappear." says Chrissy.
Arthur walks over to Octavia.
"Do you have tight glutes, Octavia?" asks Arthur.
"I don't know, do you?" asks Octavia.
"Nah. They're sorta loose. It corresponds with my loose peanuts, y' know what I'm saying?" says Arthur.
"Hey. Where's Meggie?" asks Gary.
Meg sprints back to her team.
"The Tikis won." she says breathlessly.
Over Nine Thousand begins to grumble.
"I know who we're voting out." says Chrissy. She looks at Arthur.
"Uh-oh." says Arthur.
The Terrible Tikis are enjoying the winners cabin.
"I love this hot tub." says Julia, still in her bathing suit.
"I love dis gold plated toilet." says Devin.
"I love this mirror that provides a fantastical view of the ol' buff ab belly." says Nic.
"I'm glad we don't have to vote someone out tonight." says Julia.
"But knowin' us, we's prob'ly gonna lose t'morrow, dawgs." says Devin.
Nic says in the confessional, "The prizes were horrid. We got a bag of cheese puffs, which Devin ate, a comb, and a Nebraska Shore 'Best Of' DVD."
Meanwhile, the Over Nine Thousand cabin is deciding who to send home.
Chrissy says in the confessional, "Wow. I haven't had to vote anyone out forever. I think I forget. Well, anyways, I vote Fart-hur. Tight glutes? Ugh."
Octavia says in the confessional, "I really love everyone on our team. I am also very good at predicting who will be sent home. Tonight, I think that Arthur will be sent home due to his annoyance."
Trey says in the confessional, "Everyone is a cool cat on this team."
Team Over Nine Thousand reports to elimination.
"Wassup, Over Nine Thousands? You guys just lost your winning streak. Sad stuff. Anyways, let's get to it. The first marshmallow goes to Meg." says Chris.
Meg gets her marshmallow. "Thank you." she says.
"Gary and Trey are safe, as well." says Chris.
Gary and Trey get their rewards for the night. Gary grins at Meg, who rolls her eyes.
"Chrissy." says Chris.
Chrissy emotionlessly gets her marshmallow.
"Helga, too." says Chris.
"Oh my god, thank you." says Helga.
"Actually, someone did vote for you tonight, though." says Chris.
"Oops, I gotta go pee." says Meg anxiously, and runs back to the cabin.
"All right. The last marshmallow goes to Arthur or Octavia. It goes to..." says Chris.
"Arthur." says Chris.
"Merci." says Arthur, and gets his marshmallow.
"Who on this team voted for me?" asks Octavia.
"Oh no!" says Trey.
"Aw, Trey." says Octavia. "Be strong, cupcake. I have faith that you can win this."
"Cupcake?" asks Trey skeptically. "I mean, I'll miss you too... I guess."
"Smell ya later." says Helga.
"Aw, can it, Helga." says Meg. "See ya, Octy."
Octavia hugs everyone on her team. When she gets to Helga and Arthur, she swiftly boards the Raft of Losers and paddles away.
"Whoa." says Chris. "Who on Earth votes for Octavia? Anyways, we're outta time. Stay tuned for more dramatic fun right here on Total... Drama... Tiki Jungle!"