Bumping Karts

The thirteenth chapter of Total Drama Revolution, posted on September 5, 2011.
==Story==
"Last time on Total Drama Revolution, the contestants did stuff. I really don't remember any of the details. Oh, yeah, some past comtestants appeared. And Ori was eliminated, thanks to Dolph. So, yeah. Can we just cut to the extremely boring section with the contestants chilling in their rooms?"
The boys are listening to weird videos on MyCircle.
"This guy has no life whatsoever." says Donny, watching a video.
"Is that Friday?" asks Vincent. "Wait, no, that's a dude..."
"Eww, what's up with his mole?" asks Antoine.
"This video's hilarious." giggles Kavren.
"Of course you would think that." says Vincent.
"Can we watch something different? Like Kathy Beth Terry's new song, Last Wednesday Morning." says Donny.
"Or Dustin Nutria singing Kathy Beth Terry's new song, Last Wednesday Morning." says Vincent.
"Or me and Lou rapping Dustin Nutria's cover of Kathy Beth Terry's new song, Last Wednesday Morning." says Antoine.
"Or a sexual parody of Antoine and Lou rapping Dustin Nutria's cover of Kathy Beth Terry's new song, Last Wednesday Morning." says Kavren.
"I wish Ori was still around." says Donny.
"Why, man? He was a weirdo." says Antoine.
"I know, but he was fun." says Donny.
"He had a girl's name." says Kavren.
"Well, Kavren is pretty much Karen with a V." says Vincent.
"My parents made my name up. My brothers have cooler names, I wish I was them." says Kavren.
"What are their names?" asks Antoine.
"Danny, Vance, and Anthony." says Kavren.
"Um, those are basically our names." says Vincent.
Donny laughs extremely loudly. "That's epic!"
"Yeah, and I'm Kavren. I'm changing my name to Steve when I'm 18." says Kavren.
"Uh, okay?" says Antoine.
The girls are trying to strategize, but are getting distracted by old reruns of Total Drama: Tiki Jungle.
"I loved this episode so much." says Elle.
"Ooh, was it the one where Trey took off his shirt?" asks Chelsey.
"Yeah." says Elle. "He's so hot."
"No, he's fugly. But I do like his abs. They're not as good as The Predicament's though." says Chelsey.
"What are you guys talking about, maaaan?" asks Tasia.
Chelsey says in the confessional, "Tasia is so a stoner."
"They're talking about Tiki. Aw, crap, I just got eliminated from Countdown." says Cammy.
"What the funk is Countdown?" asks Elle.
"Who cares?" says Chelsey.
"Probably some nerd thing, duuuude." says Tasia.
"Tasia, I thought you were my friend!" says Cammy.
"I am, maaaan. But we all know you're neeeeerdy." says Tasia.
"Ugh. Whatevers." says Cammy, and returns to her computer.
Chris meets the contestants outside, on a race track.
"Today, your challenge is a road race. But first you have to build your cars. So get to it." says Chris.
"Do we haaaave to?" asks Tasia.
"Yes. Yes, you do." says Chris.
Chelsey is building a car consisting of purple glitter.
"Purple and glitter. My two favorite things." says Chelsey.
"Hey, can I ride in that too?" asks Elle.
"No, sorry, gurl. It's only enough room for one person." says Chelsey.
"Fine. I'll just build my Snookiiii mobile." says Elle.
Elle walks into a tool shed, and comes out with a head resembling someone from Total Drama: Revenge of the Island.
"Where did you get that? I don't remember buying it." says Chris.
"Uh, Chris?" asks Chef.
"What?" says Chris.
"Nothing. Never mind, man." says Chef.
Elle tapes the head onto her car.
"I love this car so much. I'm gonna take it home with me." says Elle.
Antoine and Vincent are having trouble with their cars.
"Vincent, that's not a car. It's a pillow with wheels taped to it." says Antoine.
"So what, man? I'm still going to win." says Vincent.
"No, you're not. My Squirrelmobile is gonna pound you to the ground." says Antoine.
"Uh, that doesn't look like a squirrel." says Kavren. "It looks like a thingadingaling."
"Way to be appropriate, Kavren." says Antoine.
"Although, it kinda does look like a..." says Donny.
Antoine slaps Donny.
"Squirrel." says Donny. "It looks exactly like a squirrel."
"Okay, good." says Antoine. "Donny, are those pants on wheels?"
"Yes. Yes, they are." says Donny. "Gotta get pants."
"Kavren, what the crap is your car supposed to be?" asks Antoine.
"Hahaha." says Kavren. "It's a cool face."
"It looks like it's trolling me." says Donny.
"Problem?" says the car.
"I programmed it to say that whenever it passes somebody." says Kavren.
"FFFFFUUUUU--" says Vincent.
"Forever alone." says Donny.
"Oh, my god. Kavren, change your car. Now." says Cammy.
"You're not the boss of me, ploopy." says Kavren.
"You little..." says Cammy.
Cammy says in the confessional, "I'm usually a nice person, but Kavren has been trying to ruin me and Trick's relationship forever. So I hate him. I'm gonna have to beat him in the race."
"You're going down." says Cammy. "Hard."
The smoothie guy comes in, wearing a sandwich board. "Who wants some noodles in a cup? Noodles in a cup for sale! They're only $4.99 plus tax."
Kavren grins. "Haw."
"You don't charge tax for food, moron." says Elle.
"I do, whether you like it or not." says the smoothie guy.
"Oh, god. Vincent. Run." says Donny.
"YOU." screams the smoothie guy.
He begins to chase after Vincent and Donny, who hide behind a bush.
"I'll get you, eventually." says the smoothie guy, and he walks away cursing, and stepping on the fainted Tasia.
"That hurt, maaaan. Be nice." says Tasia.
The smoothie guy gives Tasia "the finger."
"That isn't the greatest example of niiiice, maaaan." says Tasia.
"I don't really care." says the smoothie guy.
Chris meets the contestants at the starting line.
"All right, let me survey your vehicles." says Chris. He starts with Antoine's. "Is that a squirrel, or a thingadingaling?"
"Gosh, man." says Antoine, slapping his head.
"Cammy, what is this?" says Chris.
"It's the thing on my shirt. A gangstasaurus." says Cammy.
"It doesn't have wheels." says Chris.
The gangstasaurus roars, and stomps on the ground. Cammy winks.
"How did you..." says Chris. "Moving on to Chelsey."
Chelsey waves in her Glam-mobile.
"Purple glitter?" asks Chris.
"Yeah, dude." says Chelsey. "Word."
"Donny, pants? Seriously?" asks Chris.
"Gotta get pants! Go get your pants! Button, flyyy!" says Donny.
"We've heard that song a lot." says Chris.
"Yeah, man. It's fine." says Donny.
"Elle, that's not Snooki. It's A--" says Chris.
"I DON'T CARE. I LIKE TO BELIEVE IT'S SNOOKI, SO IS THAT OKAY, OLD SOT?" screams Elle.
"..." says Chris. "On to Kavren."
"Problem?" asks Kavren's car.
"Oh, god. I'm not even going to start on that one." says Chris.
"Tasia, where's your car?" asks Vincent.
"I didn't build one, maaaan." says Tasia.
"Vincent, your car is just a pillow with wheels." says Chris.
"Watch it win, man." says Vincent.
"Yeah, I doubt it." says Chris. "But anyways, Tasia, you don't have anything."
"I'm faaaast. I can win." says Tasia.
"All right, whatever." says Chris.
Chef blows the starting cannon. "GO!"
Everyone starts to drive. Elle and Chelsey's cars keep bumping into each other.
"Elle, MOVE!" screams Chelsey.
"I'm your pal, but I wanna win this thing." says Elle angrily.
Elle slams the brakes. A dude with a hat is walking across the track, relaxed.
"Yo." he says.
"GET OUT OF THE WAY!" screams Elle. Suddenly, her car hits a rock and explodes, making Chelsey's explode as well.
"Aww." says Chelsey.
Donny is driving along in his pants mobile, when a rainbow streaks past him.
"Oh, good god." he says.
Dolph peeks out of the rainbow thing. "'Ello, chum. Maybe if I win this thing, Chris will let me back in the game."
"I doubt it." says Donny.
Dolph's Nyan Cat speeds up, and he disappears.
Antoine and Kavren are racing. Kavren runs over the smoothie guy, who is precariously in the middle of the track.
"WHAT THE @#$%?!" screams the smoothie guy, who is as flat as a pancake.
"Problem?" says Kavren's car.
"Shut up." says Antoine, punching the car. It explodes, and so does Antoine's thingading-- squirrel.
All the cars eventually explode, leaving Vincent and Tasia in the final two.
"Well, this is ironic." says Vincent.
"I knoooow, riiiight?" asks Tasia.
Tasia trips over an ant and falls on her face.
Vincent's pillow on wheels passes the finish line.
"VINCENT WINS!" yells Chris. "He gets invincibility in tonight's vote."
"I told you so!" says Vincent. He begins to do a little dance.
The boys are discussing who to vote off in the dorm.
"Cammy?" asks Antoine. "She annoys me."
"I don't know, man. She's hot." says Vincent.
"She has a boyfriend, idiot." says Antoine.
"Yeah, man." says Donny. "I'd say Tasia. She's super weird."
"I heard that, maaaan." says a voice from the girls dorm.
Elle comes into the room.
"I love you." she says to Kavren.
"Um, okay." says Kavren. "Bloop pork."
"What? You don't love me back?" says Elle.
"No, not really. You're just seducing." says Kavren. "Wait a minute. ELLE IS SEDUCING?"
Elle stares at Kavren.
"What's next? William Henry Harrison coming back from the dead and usurping the presidency from whoever is president right now?" says Kavren.
"We're in Canada." says Donny.
"Dolph returning to the game?!" screams Kavren.
"Um, actually..." says a voice.
"Getawaydolphyourenotreturningnomatterwhat." says Kavren.
"Aw, come on, man." says the voice.
A large explosion is then heard.
"What the heck?" asks Antoine.
Chris is at the elimination ceremony.
"Today, you get noodles in a cup, courtesy of one of our sponsors." says Chris. The smoothie guy winks. "The first noodles go to Vincent."
Vincent gets his noodles.
"Kavren, Antoine, and Donny are safe." says Chris.
"Awww, noodles-in-a-cup." says Kavren.
"Chelsey and Elle." says Chris.
The girls get their noodles.
"Cammy and Tasia. Tasia, you did horrible in the challenge, and Cammy, some of the girls don't seem to like you. The final noodles go to..."
"Cammy." says Chris.
"Whaaaat?" asks Tasia. "That's not cooool, maaaan."
"Tasia, time to board the Taxi of Losers." says Chris.
Tasia shakes her head, and walks away. "Not coooool."
"Bye, Tasia, I guess." says Chelsey evilly.
"Aww, I liked her. She was funny." says Kavren.
Tasia opens the door of the Taxi of Losers.
"Wait." says Antoine. Tasia and Chris stop. "I quit."
"WHAT?!" scream the boys.
"I just got a call from Lou. He won the lottery. And he's not joking, he sent me a picture. He decided he'd give half of the money to me. And since I'm not a greedy guy, I don't need to get the million dollars from this competition. Bye, guys." says Antoine.
"Aww, buddy, don't go." says Vincent.
"I had a good time with you guys, see ya." says Antoine.
"Waaaait. Does that mean I get to staaaay?" asks Tasia.
"No, Chris! Make it a double elimination! Please! Please!" scream Elle and Chelsey.
"Tasia can stay." says Chris curtly.
Tasia cheers, and Elle and Chelsey groan.
"What will happen next episode? Find out... next episode." says Chris.
==Author's Notes==
*This strikes me as the first chapter where I fully and completely ran out of ideas - by now, the characters are basically doing nothing but going on the internet and lazily referencing memes and pop culture. 
*Kavren's remark about his brothers 'Danny, Vance, and Anthony' was meant to be a joke and I actually envision Kavren as an only child.
*Antoine quitting was decided at the last minute, since he was originally planned to get 3rd place. I'm not sure how I came up with the idea outside of it being a 'shocking twist.'