Advice No One Asked For - Number Twelve/Transcript

Advice No One Asked For - Number Twelve is the twelfth episode of Buckley's "Advice No One Asked For" series. It is available as an audio file on his website (in the "Supplements" section), as well as on YouTube.
Description (as seen on the website): A man going through midlife crisis needs help...I don't think he wanted my help, but hey, help is help.
Description (as seen on YouTube): Helping people who would rather I didn't...that's what Buckley does best!  It's "Advice No One Asked For".  This time, I help a man who wonders if he's still got it when it comes to the ladies.
==Transcript==
(introduction music playing during the following paragraph)
Welcome to "Advice No One Asked For".  In this feature at A Dose of Buckley, I take a moment out of my busy life and help some poor loser who can't help themselves.  Problem is, they didn't ask for my help in the first place. Today's letter comes from a guy who wants to know if he's still got it.
Dear Lord, why did Buckley find this letter,
I am a happily married man. I have become smitten with a coworker.  She is young, attractive, shapely, intelligent, and funny.  She has a great personality and we get along together well.  I am self-concious, and awkward when I am with her, when I want to be charming and interesting.  If I were single...sigh!  I do not want to jeaopardize my marriage, but I need to know two things.  First, is it unusual for a married man to be so interested in another woman? Is it a sign of deeper problems in my marriage?  I also want to know whether this woman finds me equally appealing.  I want to appease my ego and move on.  How can I find this out without giving the impression that I want to cheat on my wife?
Signed...let's call him, "Unfortunately Attatched in Atlanta".
So you're telling me, you wanna know if the hot, young thing at work finds the awkward, old married fucker at work appealing?  I'll save you the embarrassment on this one.  No.  Of course she doesn't.  She doesn't want your wrinkled old balls anywhere near her.  There, your problem is solved.
(introductory music playing)
I'm Buckley, and you're-
(introduction music fades)
Oh, all right, I've got more.
You wanna know if this is a sign of deeper problems in your marriage?  No, I mean, of course you're going to find the hot chick at work attractive, she's a hot chick and you're some middle-aged fuck who's been pounding the same vag for so long your cock thinks that it's its summer home.  And now you're thinking, "Man, I wish I could get on that!" But you can't, because A), you're married, and B), even if you weren't, this girl would still find your advances creepy.  So, handle your mid-life crisis like every other guy does.  Go buy a Corvet and drive around the city, listening to some album you liked as a teenager, and forget about that girl at work.  She's already forgotten about you.
(introductory music playing)
I'm Buckley, and you're welcome.
Category:Transcripts