Ted’s Terrific Torchbearers

Whenever you tell your kid to hold a torch for you, the dang brat is always gettin’ distracted. They move their arm around, lean up against the wagon, complain that their arms are getting tired, and in general provide a terrible source of light. Who has time for that noise? That’s why you should visit Ted’s Terrific Torchbearers. Our highly qualified staff are the best there is at holding a light source to provide maximum illumination on whatever it is you need to be lookin’ at. We also offer special insurance for anyone who wishes to take our torchbearers into dangerous situations, so there will be no hidden fees if all you can return to us is a jar filled with goo that used to be an employee. So come on down to Ted’s Terrific Torchbearers!