EDEN'S DAWN ARC

centre|thumb|480x480pxThe year is 2012, and a fucking moron, ANTONIUS, begins making some scrapshit robots for no reason to take over the world, but knowing full well that TEAM NINGEN will intervene, ANTONIUS builds some robots specifically designed to eliminate each member of TEAM NINGEN. ALAN, the son of ALEKS, travels back in time to prevent the death of TEAM NINGEN and the extinction of NINGENs as a whole. As TEAM NINGEN and ADAGNITIO clash, they are too distracted to see a bigger threat...
=== FIRST SEASON ===
TEAM NINGEN	ADAGNITIO
 	
 	
 	
 	
 	
=== Prologue ===
Meet ALAN, a fretful teenager from the INFINITY FIGHTERZ's timeline if it were left untouched, also HALF BERRY - HALF NINGEN inbred. One day, ALAN was living happily with his father, ALEKS, until EDEN and ASSBURGER MECHA went on a rampage destroying everything in sight. Normally WINN and ALEKS would be on the job but in this timeline WINN had died from type 2 DIABETES and ALEKS had died after being blown up by ASSBURGER MECHA “having no other option”. As ALEKS and WINN fell, the others died one by one, their deaths became permanent due to the events of ARC I. The only remaining members of TEAM NINGEN were ALAN, ALEKS' mom and DEVIN. DEVIN trained ALAN to unlock his BANANA form. DEVIN trained ALAN like how WINN tried DEVIN, loud, rough, and abusive as hell (in a tough love way at least). While training ALAN, DEVIN had PTSD of WINN’s methods of training and he could hear WINN charging up his KAI-MEHAMEHA.
Unfortunately no matter how much DEVIN tried to unlock ALAN’s potential, ALAN couldn’t transform into his banana form. One day while they were training they were attacked by Eden, who DEVIN hated because he deleted his ROBLOX account. ALAN and DEVIN fought EDEN and while DEVIN stood evenly with EDEN, ALAN was struggling to stay alive and was slowing DEVIN down by making worry about two things at once. DEVIN became furious and screamed as loud as he could saying, “ALAN, can you for once! STOP! BEING! FUCKING! USELESS! You incest fuck!” The scream was so ear piercing that even all of TEAM NINGEN could hear it from HEAVEN. They both laughed at DEVIN screaming and went back to training on Queen Cai’s World. DEVIN punched EDEN in the face and flew away carrying ALAN with him. He dropped him off at His moms house and screamed in his ear, knocking ALAN out cold. DEVIN then left again to go do battle with EDEN. Upon arriving to kick EDEN’S ass, DEVIN looked throughout the wasteland but couldn’t find him. He was very confused and hungry. So he sat down started eating a burger because he was lazy and didn’t wanna do any more work. But when DEVIN took a literal mouthful of his burger, EDEN appeared and begun choking DEVIN with the food still in his mouth.
DEVIN tried to breathe but couldn’t cause you know he’s being choked. EDEN begun laughing and whispered in DEVINs ear... “The kids next!” DEVIN couldn’t hold out any longer and he finally choked in the end. EDEN took out all his anger on DEVINs dead body, screaming and yelling “That's right you fat panda lookin-ass bitch! I'm surprised an earthquake didn't happen when you were born!” EDEN flew away and left DEVIN's body in the middle of the wasteland. ALAN regained consciousness and begun looking for DEVIN. He flew around the wasteland, searching for DEVIN. After what seemed like an hour ALAN saw a fat boys body on the ground. “No...” exclaimed ALAN. As he got closer to the body he kept denying what he was seeing, “NO NO NO JOHNNY NO NO NO.” When ALAN turned over the body he saw what he dreaded. It was DEVIN with a whole burger in his mouth. 
ALAN repeatedly pushed on DEVIN's body trying to get him to wake up but it was no use... he fuckin' died. ALAN clenched his fists and begun screaming as loud as he could, reaching the same level of ear piercing loud that DEVIN did.ALAN continued to scream and his hair suddenly began to turn yellow like a BANANA. ALAN finally had that BANANA aura and was finally strong enough... to go back in time that is. So ALAN went back in time with the help of ALEKS mom and brought with him the cure for TYPE 2 DIABETES, because that exists, Somehow. With the GRAPE-FLAVORED cure in hand, ALAN gtfo'd outta his timeline and started his adventure to save WINN. Oh yeah and he was also BRUTICUS' best friend.
== CHAPTER 1 - YO! WINN AND HIS GOONS RETURN ==
June 27, 2012
7:28 PM - Las Vegas, Nevada
Clear - 105F
WINN is in his shitty tanktop from Hot Topic as he sunbathes against the approaching shores of the KAMEHAMEHOUSE, accepting that one day, his house will fucking sink because some old dudes in the government wont accept the fact that our planet is dying. A battle echoes in the sky above WINN, shockwaves appearing against the blue sky like ripples on a pond. As a five year old BRUT plays around with a young DEVIN, WINN puts his fingers on his forehead and INSTANT TRANSMISSIONS himself and his chaise a few meters back.
Not even seconds later, WAHEEB comes falling out of the sky and crashes into the sand where WINN used to be, coughing and dusting himself off as he looks back up at the sky. Up there was ALEKS, smirking cockily as usual with his arms folded.
WAHEEB: Ugh, everybody gets a lucky shot sometimes.
ALEKS: Like you said, WAHEEB, if it happens all the time, is it really luck?
WINN: ooo
WAHEEB: Hmph, happened once. Let's see how it is.
WINN: ooo
ALEKS: My name is EVO-MAN for a reason.
WINN lets out a chuckle as BRUT pulls WINN's shirt from the side.
BRUT: Daddy?
WINN: mhm
BRUT: Is Mom awake yet?
WINN: Sorry, sweetpea, she's still sleeping.
BRUT: Okaay.
WINN notices the sandwich in BRUT's mouth.
WINN: Also, where'd you get the sandwich from?
DEVIN's shouting is immediately heard in the background.
DEVIN: BRUT, give me back my fucking sandwich!
BRUT giggles as he flies away, sandwich in mouth.
WINN looks back as he sees WAHEEB and ALEKS in a struggle, both grabbing each other's hands as they try to overpower the other. ALEKS attempts to manuever himself to flip WAHEEB like a pancake, but WAHEEB suddenly opens his mouth and lets a huge fuckin' beam fire out of it, causing ALEKS to be blown back a good distance.
WINN: Was he always able to do that?
ALEKS: You dirty bastard! Cheap move!
WAHEEB shrugs.
WAHEEB: Don't hate the player.
ALEKS grits his teeth as he pulls out his IPHONE 5938, ready to play his theme on it. But suddenly, his eyes widen as he grins and puts his phone back into his pocket.
ALEKS: Y'know what... WINN, play me his theme!
WINN raises an eyebrow as he pulls out a jukebox from underneath his chaise, switching through a few channels before hitting the PLAY button.
ALEKS smirks as he looks at WINN.
ALEKS: WAHEEB, I'm gonna beat your ass to your own theme so hard, it won't even be your theme anymore. How's that for hating the player?
ALEKS turns his glare back to WAHEEB, but notices he wasn't even there anymore.
ALEKS: ...What?
ALEKS notices a shadow next to his as he widens his eyes and notices WAHEEB right above him, HASSAN CHOP inbound.
Gritting his teeth, ALEKS gets ready to kick WAHEEB right in the abdomen, but only ends up hitting his afterimage.
WAHEEB appears in front of ALEKS and deals a devestating gut punch to him, causing ALEKS to ricochet in pain.
Fighting through the shock, ALEKS punches WAHEEB across his face, causing the NAMEXICAN to spit out a tooth in the process.
As WAHEEB recovers from the punch, he notices a frighteningly bloodthristy ALEKS fly towards him, but before WAHEEB can do much more, ALEKS grabs him by the face and pummels his head into the ground.
ALEKS: Give up.
ALEKS' expression quickly turns into that of shock, giving out a mini-scream of sheer pain as he realizes that WAHEEB has literally bit into his palm, causing ALEKS to let go and backdash.
Holding his bloodied hand, ALEKS gives a death-glare at WAHEEB.
ALEKS: Get up. I'm going to break every single limb in your body for that one.
WAHEEB: Bitch, you're trying to take my theme, you Jackwagon.
ALEKS: You try to take my theme all the time, bitch!
WAHEEB: I literally haven't tried to take it in a year.
ALEKS: Manchurian Handshake?
WAHEEB doesn't respond to ALEKS. ALEKS quickly notices that WAHEEB, still on the ground has had his arms burrowed into the ground the entire time.
ALEKS: Shit!
ALEKS quickly jumps high into the air, but his action becomes fruitless as two NAMEXICAN arms emerge from the ground and grab him by the legs. As ALEKS struggles to free himself, WAHEEB grins as he retracts his arms quickly, causing ALEKS to be flung against the ground ruthlessly.
ALEKS' eyes go blank as he coughs out blood from the attack, but quickly flips himself over to chop off both of WAHEEB's arms in a single swipe.
WAHEEB shouts in pain, but quickly retracts his arms back into their original length, although now missing both arms.
ALEKS: Nice, I think your head will do just fine next!
WAHEEB snarls back at ALEKS before WINN steps in between both of them.
WINN: Alright, alright. you guys did good.
Both ALEKS and WAHEEB seem bothered by the interruption.
ALEKS: What!? He bit my fucking hand and used a mouth beam! Nobody does that except for bad guys!
WAHEEB quickly pops back both of his arms, causing WINN to flinch a little.
WAHEEB: You do what you gotta do in a fight, cabron.
ALEKS: We're just training you-!
WINN lets out a sigh as he turns off the jukebox.
WINN: Alright, alright. WAHEEB, while the mouth beam was fine in my opinion, please refrain from any biting.
WAHEEB grunts disapprovingly as he looks away.
WINN: And ALEKS, back when you had WAHEEB pinned to the ground, I sensed that you were about to GALICK NO him point-blank with your hand still on his face,
which would've killed him. And y'know, we've only got four DRAGON NUTS so please refrain from killing him.
WAHEEB raises an eyebrow.
WAHEEB: You don't want him to kill me JUST because of the DRAGON NUTS being used?
WINN: Uhhh... Basically.
ALEKS: Hah, if I killed him we shouldn't have wasted it on such trash. I'm done for the day anyway.
ALEKS flips off WAHEEB as he walks into the KAMEHAMEHOUSE, the former angrily huffing in response.
WINN: Well, that's ALEKS for you.
WAHEEB: I think we'd be better off if he wasn't in the house.
WINN looks at WAHEEB in surprise.
WINN: You really think so? You don't say that about GEORGI.
WAHEEB: That's because GEORGI isn't an asshole.
WINN lets out a sigh once again as he looks up at the high sun.
WINN: Listen, both of you need to get along as a team, it's cheesy, I know, but we need uni-
WINN is once again interuptted by BRUT tugging at his shirt, though this time he has a bruise on his left eye. Surprisingly though, BRUT seems unbothered by said injury.
BRUT: Daddy, is Mom home now?
WINN: Nope, BRUT. What happened to your eye?
BRUT: DEVIN caught me.
WINN kneels down to look BRUT in the eye.
WINN: See, stealing is bad. I'm glad he didn't mess you up real bad, but lesson learned, right, BRUT?
BRUT contemplates for awhile before giving off a bright smile.
BRUT: Yeah! Thanks, Dad!
As WINN stands back up, BRUT marches happily away.
WAHEEB: I know I've probably asked a million times now, but when are you gonna tell him the truth?
WINN closes his eyes and gives off a bitter-sweet smile.
WINN: Personally, I think it's a white lie. Before, he's always been such a brat, behaving badly, fucking up the other kids at his school, and asking me where Laura was. I always just told him that I didn't know, but
ever since making that story up, it's like hes found motivation be to better.
WINN looks at WAHEEB and stretches his arms.
FLASHBACK HALF A YEAR AGO
BRUT is curling himself into a corner, covered in a blanket as he looks away from WINN.
BRUT: I don't wanna go!
WINN lets out a sigh.
WINN: Don't you wanna see your friends at school?
BRUT: I don't have any... They don't like the stuff I do even if I make them!
WINN: ...BRUT... Have I ever told you what happened to your MOM?
BRUT slowly lifts up the blanket, revealing his big eyes.
WINN: She's been sleeping forever now and she can't wake up just yet. She's always sleep-talking about how much she misses us though and sometimes it can make me really sad. But don't you think that when she wakes up, you'll want her to see how good you are at everything?
BRUT tears up a little.
BRUT: Y-Yeah...
WINN: Great!
WINN extends out his hand to BRUT.
WINN: Let's do our best for her, BRUT.
BRUT looks at WINN for a short while, a mix of awe and happiness before grabbing WINN's hand.
BRUT: Y-Yeah!
FLASHBACK OVER
WINN: He's a good little shit. I'd like to keep him that way.
WAHEEB: ...I see. That's pretty heart-warming.
WINN and WAHEEB are met with GEORGI, who just flew back from the gym.
GEORGI: Yo, watchu all doin'?
WINN: Nothing much GEORGI. Well, ALEKS and WAHEEB got a little heated but thats it.
WAHEEB: I don't even see why hes mad.
GEORGI: Uh-huh... Anywho ya'll down for some Counter-Strike?
WINN: Sure.
WAHEEB: I'll pass, I've got some studying to do. It's starting to get late anywho.
WINN: Awww, come on. You've already got a bachelors, why are you still studying?
WAHEEB: I still need a Doctorate. Also, PERLA's probably hungry again.
WINN: Touche, peace.
WAHEEB waves as he walks away from WINN and GEORGI.
DEVIN: Did somebody say CS!?
DEVIN pops out of nowhere, the ground quaking each time he takes a step.
GEORGI: Oh shiiit! DEVIN!
WINN: Yeah, me and GEORGI are playing, wanna join?
DEVIN: Suree suree. What about WAHEEB?
WINN: He said he had to study.
DEVIN: He's still trying to become a doctor?
WINN: Yeah, why?
DEVIN: ...What do you mean, "why"? That nígga is fuckin' re-
And so, from the four years that have passed, much has changed. BRUT is now a little shit rather than a useless baby as DEVIN is now a fat teenager in training, many complaints being made on how the food bill has risen ever since he moved in. ALEKS, with further training has yet to reveal if he could go BANANA at will, although there are signs that he could... WAHEEB has now completed his four years for
a bachelors as GEORGI continued his new life on EARTH rather chaotically, causing an incident a few years back where he kneeled on someone for too long... PERLA resumes her daily schedule of bossing WAHEEB around and scratching the KAMEHAMEHOUSE's furniture, where WINN simply spends his days jobless taking mid-afternoon naps and training rather lazilly. TEAM NINGEN has become stronger in their own ways, but also more chaotic... What happens next? idk man winn has to think about it.
== CHAPTER 2 - THE END OF THE WRITERS BLOCK ==
As GEORGI, DEVIN, and WINN trio queue in COUNTER SHITE, the sounds of an enraged GEORGI can be heard as he dies from being wallbanged in-game. WINN proceeds to get lasered down long and DEVIN is the last one standing as he holds an angle on site. Within the room, the three play in a super gaming room that smells like god knows what, filled to the brim with soda and empty pizza boxes.
WINN: One on one… C’mon…
GEORGI: LOOKBEHINDYOUHERESRIGHTTHEREISWEAR-
WINN and DEVIN proceed to shush GEORGI.
As DEVIN peer into the endless silence… he is suddenly interrupted by an actual fucking shoulder patch appearing behind a corner and instantly dying
DEVIN: WHAT THE F-
DEVIN throws his mouse across the room, much to WINN and GEORGI’s surprise.
DEVIN: GABE YOU SUCK SO MUCH PENIS AT MAKING VIDEO GAMES
WINN: Welp that was match point, I’m calling it here for our-…What’s the score?
GEORGI: Uhh, like 0-16.
WINN: Losing streak, peace boys.
WINN proceeds to head outside the GAMER room.
GEORGI: Yeaaah, I’mma just…
GEORGI walks out as well.
DEVIN looks at the nearly busted clock on the wall and realizes it was getting late, struggling to get his fatass off the chair and walks out.
June 28, 2012
4:20 AM - Las Vegas, Nevada
Clear - 85F
On the outskirts of the house… A shockwave shakes the entire island as a wormhole opens up from thin air and out comes a time machine very similar to the one used by BRUTICUS… TEAM NINGEN all get woke af from this loud noise except for PERLA and brut because they both sleep heavy as fuck. As the team gather outside wondering if some bullshit like DAVID resurrecting was happening, it was even more generic as they see the familiar time machine begin to open its chamber doors.
WINN: Who the fuck is it this time? As far as I know, BRUTICUS is gone.
WAHEEB: Watch it be the villain from his timeline.
A voice peers out from the dark chamber.
???: Damn I love how this machine has a specific date and time to travel to. Get it guys? WEED NUMBER!
After WINN gives off a WeirdChamp face, the figure emerges from the dark and into the fancy spotlights conveniently focused on the entrance of the time machine.
ALEKS: Wait a second… That’s…
???: That’s right, it’s me, Dad.
ALEKS: THE GAYEST HAIRCUT I HAVE EVER SEEN! OH MY FUCKING GOD!
All of TEAM NINGEN consecutively start laughing at the unknown time traveler, much to his annoyance.
???: NO YOU FUCKING RETARDS! IT IS I, ALAN!
DEVIN: The who now?
ALAN: ALAN-
DEVIN: CAREESSSS
GEORGI: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA
All of TEAM NINGEN starts laughing even fucking harder than before, WINN’s face turning red in pure laughter as ALEKS rolls on the ground, unable to breathe, with WAHEEB crying actual tears of joy.
ALAN: Fucking hell you’re all worse than mom said… Actually. Nevermind. Mom described you all perfectly.
As TEAM NINGEN continue their laughter, ALAN breaks the comedic tone with a question.
ALAN: Alright alright, I know all of you already know who I am because BRUTICUS told ya’ll. Come on out BRUTICUS! Wheres your gay fuckin’ ass? You set this shit up didn't you!?
Every member of TEAM NINGEN except for GEORGI stopped laughing.
GEORGI: BWAHAHAHAAA! THAT NÍGGA IS FUCKIN DE-
WAHEEB covers GEORGI’s mouth.
ALAN: What? What’s going on here?
WINN: ALAN, I’m sorry but… He’s dead.
ALAN chuckles at first thinking it was a fucked up joke.
ALAN: Ok all of this was funny and all, but that’s just
messed up, WINN! Come on! Come out you hedgehog looking fuck!
As the silence continues, ALAN begins to realize that there is no punchline.
ALAN: B-But… What about the DRAGON NUTS? You all should’ve-
WINN: It wasn’t possible. The DRAGON NUTS can only resurrect
those of this timeline. We’re sorry ALAN, but hes long gone.
ALAN widens his eyes in disbelief and falls to his knees.
ALAN: I… You know what, I’m not even surprised. If he gave
up his life for all of you, then it must’ve been… worth it.
ALEKS: Damn right it was worth-
WINN smacks ALEKS on the back of his head.
ALEKS: Alright, alright! He made a sacrifice we’ll never forget.
WAHEEB: As far as I remember, he’s the reason why BOO and CELL aren’t here right now.
DEVIN: Who the fuck are ya’ll even talking about?
GEORGI: Some nÍgga that came back in time just to kick my shit in! I don’t like talkin about him…
ALAN gets back up on his feet and looks at ALEKS.
WINN: If you knew about BRUTICUS, then you’re from his timeline seeing how your time machine is almost exactly like his.
ALAN: Yep... Also I’m ALEKS’ son.
ALEKS: Theres no way I would ever let my son have a coconut haircut like tha-
ALAN: Listen you moron! I am your son and there’s no denying it! And speaking of haircuts, you shouldn’t be talking with your fuckin’ hairline!
The rest of TEAM NINGEN chuckles.
ALEKS: Ok fine, I’ll give you that, "Son", who’s your mother then? I bet it’s some superstar model celebri-
ALAN: Your mom.
A moment of sheer silence passes by.
ALEKS: …Heh?
ALAN: You and your mom literally fucked and I was born.
WINN passes out as the rest of TEAM NINGEN casually ignores that and walks back into the house.
ALEKS: Please tell me you’re fucking with me.
ALAN: Nope. Your alternate timeline counterpart actually-
ALEKS: I WILL END THAT MOTHERFU-
And so, with the ARRIVAL of ALAN, the news of the present timeline was given to him, good and bad. Although the mysterious time traveler has revealed himself to be ALEKS’ son, it is not the largest chunk of news yet as of yet. Much more has yet to be revealed from this coconut boy, find out what it is in the next chapter of SHITTY FIGHTERZ! NOW WITH LESS BIG DELAYS AND WRITER BLOCKS POGGERS'
== CHAPTER 3 - THE KINDA BIG FIRST INFO DUMP ==
June 28, 2012
7:30 AM - Las Vegas, Nevada
Sunny as fucking always - 95F
As ALEKS talks to ALAN by the couch, DEVIN and WAHEEB watches, the former eating a sandwich. 
ALEKS: So wait, you're telling me this Elon Musk wannabe made some androids that are more powerful... Than us? And they're trying to kill us to take the DRAGON NUTS?
ALAN: Yes.
WAHEEB: Isn't this the exact same plot as ARC I but with andro-
DEVIN: Wait a second!
DEVIN finishes chewing and swallowing the burger whole before resuming his interjection
DEVIN: An android!? Please don't tell me we're... Fighting them...
ALAN raises an eyebrow in confusion.
ALAN: What? Of course we are, they're trying to kill us-
DEVIN: First they're trying to take our jobs, and now they're trying to take our lives!?
ALEKS: Listen, if ya'll know anything by now, it's that nothing can kill me.
WAHEEB: You literally died four years-
ALEKS: That was different!
WAHEEB: Can everyone stop interrupti-
ALEKS: Besides, I have the form I've been working so hard to achieve now...
WAHEEB rolls his eyes.
ALAN: You mean BANANA?
ALEKS gets a cocky grin and nods.
ALEKS: You see, I can go blonde at will now. Therefore, I am strong enough to kill some toaster on legs. Hell, I don't even need to go blonde.
ALAN pinches his nose in an annoyed manner.
ALAN: Listen, dad... They're not just some damn toaster on legs. Hell, if I could, I would've roflstomped them against the pavement by now, spell their damn circuits all over the place.
ALEKS: Your weak-ass defeating a toaster? I'd be quite proud, I will admit.
ALAN: For Christ sake, I try to save your sorry ass of a father and this is the gratitude I get? But I'm here to inform WINN and DEVIN the most. Speaking of which, wheres WINN?
DEVIN: Hes in his room having some sort of aneurysm or something. It's pretty funny.
WAHEEB: Shouldn't we be worrie-
DEVIN grabs another batch of fries as WAHEEB is interrupted again.
DEVIN: Wait, I get why you would come here for WINN, Mister ALAN, but why me too?
ALAN: Well, it's because... You were like a brother to me. I knew you.
DEVIN: munches on fries ... Obviously you don't, cause then I'd know who you are.
ALAN: No, DEVIN. I mean that I knew who you were--in the future.
DEVIN: Wait, really? Didn't you say everyone died in your timeline except for BRUTICUS?
ALAN: I was getting to the part where you also survived. Well, at least you survived until EDEN decided to put an end to that.
DEVIN: EDEN...?
ALAN: That's the name of the ANDROID that wrecked just about everything in my timeline.
WAHEEB: Do we even know the motivations of these androids other than "KILL KILL KI-"
DEVIN: That android... EDEN... Killed me!?
ALAN: Yes, which is why I've come to-
DEVIN grabs ALAN by the waist and shakes him violently.
DEVIN: What the hell do I do!? They're coming for us and they're gonna kill us and take my job and fuckin-
ALAN proceeds to do Broly's 214L on DEVIN.
ALAN: Listeeeen! I have no idea how BRUTICUS got through your heads about you all dying, but be grateful that I'm also coming as another warning! This is why he told me to not come with him, because we had both died in 2008, it would've been toast for you morons!
ALEKS: Toast! I get it! Because they're toasters!
ALAN: Yes, yes, great! Now listen up, all of you need to realize right now but there is a BERRY in this room with the potential to be stronger than the rest of us combined!
ALEKS perks up.
ALAN: Not you!
ALEKS: What!?
WAHEEB: WINN? I mean hes basically already the strongest with the blonde fo-
ALAN: No, it's none other than...
ALAN, still holding onto DEVIN broly style, waves him in front of everyone like a ragdoll
ALAN: This guy right here. DEVIN has a form beyond all of our comprehension.
ALEKS: WhAAaAT!?!? That little shit!?
BRUT suddenly appears with a backpack and a goofy smile on his face.
BRUT: Did you need something ALEKS?
ALEKS: No! Oh wait.
ALEKS looks at the clock.
ALEKS: Crap, let's hurry up you little shit. You're gonna be late for class.
BRUT gives a gigglish smile and skips out the house. ALEKS begins to walk away before looking back with a frown.
ALEKS: This conversation isn't over, Boy! When I get back, I wanna know how that... Dumpling... will be stronger than us.
ALEKS grumpily leaves.
WAHEEB: Yeah, what's this power of DEVIN's ca-
Suddenly the front door is kicked open by ALEKS and he grabs the keys to his car.
ALEKS: Forgot this!
He closes the door again and ALAN's jaw drops and he also puts down DEVIN.
ALAN: Wait. You guys have... Cars...?
DEVIN shakes in pure anxiety as WAHEEB nods.
ALAN: What the...!? Why!?
WAHEEB: Because it's coo-
DEVIN: LOOOOOK! I don't care who's the strongest, Sir! I just wanna live!
ALAN: Right, right, I get it! Just listen for a second! You are the son of a legendary BERRY that once existed, credited for killing DAVID's dad!
DEVIN: What!? Who?
ALAN: BOARDOCK. He was the BERRY who was infected with ASSBURGERS at birth, but rather than making him retarded, it mutated the BERRY cells within him rather than destroying his brain cells, overclocking his powers to extreme measures.
WAHEEB wants to say Cmon bruh but knows he'll just be interrupted again.
DEVIN: Right, right, that's cool and all, but I'm not... Wait... Wow, my dad was cool!
ALAN: He survived the BERRY CIVIL WAR too. I'd say he's cool, but hes sort of an asshole... He had like, eight wives or something.
DEVIN: He survived a civil war and had EIGHT wives!? My god wait until I tell everyone in my school!
ALAN: Riiight... So the point is, you have inherited his power, one way or another through his genes. His blood flows through you.
Suddenly, the house rumbles a little. A cat with a purple glow walks into view and yawns.
PERLA: WAHEEEEB! Fetch me some tuna!
WAHEEB: GUH... You heard the cat...
ALAN: What? I thought I was going crazy there. Why is a talking cat in your house? And why is it bossing around WAHEEB?
WAHEEB grabs the fishing rod and exits the room with PERLA as DEVIN finishes chewing for the eigth time.
DEVIN: Oh, that's PERLA. Shes like, a weird creature that WINN adopted or something. She's really powerful though and kinda scares me.
ALAN suddenly realizes what the purple glow meant.
ALAN: Wait a damn second... Don't tell me you guys fed her...
GEORGI: The INFINITY STONE?
Out of nowhere, the huge GEORGI appears, all bloodied and in his JUKSA form for some odd reason.
DEVIN: Sup, GEORGI.
ALAN: What!? Why?
GEORGI wipes himself off with a towel and transforms back into his BASE form.
GEORGI: Cuz... It was like... The only way we would've lived N shit. Also they're here.
ALAN: ...They...?
DEVIN widens his eyes in absolute fear.
GEORGI: Yeah uhhh, That EDEN guy is right outside. He beat my shit in and told me to come get you guys.
ALAN: God fuckin-
DEVIN: WHAT THE FU-
'And so, as ALAN announces the bad news and the convenient solution to said bad news, DEVIN must fully realize his father's power as EDEN is literally right outside ready to shitkick TEAM NINGEN into oblivion just like in ALAN's timeline. Although DEVIN's Robophobia really ain't helpin. What's gonna happen next? I don't know, let winn think about it. But hey, at least we dont gotta wait five months for another chapter anymore. NEXT CHAPTER TOMORROWWWWWWW-
== CHAPTER 4 - PLAN BENIS ==
June 28, 2012
8:00 AM - Las Vegas, Nevada
Oh hey look a cloud - 98F
As ALAN, DEVIN, and GEORGI regather outside, the ANDROIDs are nowhere to be seen as GEORGI scratches his head.
GEORGI: I swear to god they were just here!
DEVIN shakes in pure silence.
ALAN: Christ all-mighty, I need a raise for this shit.
???: I think a raise is unnecessary when you'll be unemployed soon.
An unknown voice speaks from behind TEAM NINGEN, ALAN quickly pulls out his sword and turns around, with DEVIN and GEORGI also looking behind them... Before them stands the one and only... EDEN...
ALAN: No... You're not even supposed to be here yet!
EDEN: Wasn't that also the case with GEORGI? Didn't all the other baddies in ARC I also arrive earlier than BRUTICUS expected?
DEVIN: W-W-W-W-W-Wait a second! Y-You're!
DEVIN widens his eyes as EDEN leans forward to get a closer look.
EDEN: ...Well, well, well! It is a small world after all! 
ALAN looks to the scared DEVIN and raises an eyebrow.
ALAN: You know him?
DEVIN: H-He was my bully back a few grades ago...! He punched my nose and made me eat the pavement! 
GEORGI: BAWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's fuckin hilarious!
EDEN: Hah, good times, good times.
ALAN: What? FUTURE DEVIN never told me this. Admittedly, it is pretty funny.
EDEN: And now you just had to get on the wrong side of the fence again, didn't you, DEVIN?
DEVIN: You big stupid meanie! You can't bully me anymore! Not since I've been training!
EDEN gives out a hearty chuckle.
EDEN: Are you being serious? You're still as wimpy and small as the day I last saw you! Besides... I'm not exactly a NINGEN anymore...
ALAN gulps.
GEORGI: Errr, are we gonna fight yet, or?
EDEN: Nope, not until my primary target gets here.
ALAN: Do you really have to say "primary target"? We all know you're here for WINN.
EDEN: Hah, alrighty then, smartass. Say, you seem to know a lot about me, despite us being strangers, whats the getup?
ALAN smirks, throwing his sword in the air and catching it with his fingertip, cockily balancing it perfectly.
ALAN: You're gonna know why I'm here real soon.
DEVIN: That's right! ALAN's from the future!
ALAN: Well I was getting to that, but yeah.
EDEN: So even in different timelines, I get people admiring me. How humbling.
GEORGI: Bro, ALAN me boi, I dunno if you're just bluffing to look cool or whatever, but theres no way you're tough enough to-
In just a few moments, ALAN quickly bursts in a flaming aura of golden ki and turns blonde... ALAN has already held the power of BANANA within him...
ALAN: Let's start with this form and see if you're so tough, you smug cunt.
GEORGI and DEVIN gulp in unison, backing away from ALAN.
GEORGI: That's that accursed form that WINN used to fuck me up...
DEVIN: Y-Yeah! I knew you were strong ALAN, but this-
ALAN: This isn't even my final form! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEE!
EDEN crosses his arms and shakes his head.
EDEN: Really? That's your big first powerup? The next one better be impressive.
ALAN grits his teeth angrily and tightens the grip on his sword.
ALAN: Arn't you gonna power up too?
EDEN: Why should I? This is already all the power I need.
ALAN gives off a provoking smirk and focuses his ki to his hands...
ALAN: Then let's see you dance!
In an instant, ALAN embues his BANANA ki into his sword and swings it EDEN from afar, creating a sharp wave of energy heading right towards the ANDROID.
GEORGI: What the hell!?
DEVIN: That's so damn cool!
EDEN, motionless and stoic, keeps his cool and just simply takes one step to the left, causing the wave of energy to skim right past him.
EDEN: Why in KAMI's name would you make a ranged attack that thin? Stop playing around and-
Suddenly, the KI SLASH boomerangs back to EDEN, causing the ANDROID to be genuinely surprised!
EDEN: OH SHIT!
EDEN backflips over the KI SLASH and upon landing on his feet, ALAN has already started rapidly swiping at him, causing a hundred more KI SLASHES to begin homing into him.
ALAN begins to telenetically control and micromanage each and every KI BLAST from afar perfectly, causing EDEN to jump and hop through various bullet hells that make TOUHOU sound like a cakewalk.
KI SLASHES end up cutting all sorts of things, the ground, the grass around the island, and even a poor palm tree in the back as EDEN has finally had enough and powers up, activating his ultimate shield.
EDEN: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
With one massive burst of green energy, EDEN forms an impenetrable green orb of KI around himself, causing every KI SLASH to ricochet off of it, some bouncing into the ocean.
ALAN: I'M NOT DONE YET!
ALAN readies his sword for some more KI SLASHES, but is quickly surprised as EDEN charges at the BERRY head-on with the barrier.
ALAN: Oh shit!
Jumping out of the way, ALAN flies up into the sky in a near-miss with EDEN's barrier, as he looks closely at the barrier for a counterattack, he realizes that theres actually nobody inside it.
ALAN: Where is-!?
EDEN teleports behind ALAN.
EDEN: NOTHIN' PERSONAL, BRAT!
EDEN proceeds to donkey slam the shit out of ALAN, sending him flying back into the beach and crashing into the sand.
DEVIN: What!? No! ALAN!
GEORGI: Oh fuck bro, he got fucked harder than I did.
As EDEN floats back near the crater, he dusts himself off and grins.
EDEN: C'mon, nows the time for your convenient other powerup.
ALAN grits his teeth and uses his sword as support to get back up on his feet.
ALAN: ...Heh... You're not worth it.
EDEN angrily begins punching ALAN with a flurry of blows, left and right, leaving the BERRY defenseless as he can only block or sustain another blow.
GEORGI: ALAAAN! YOU'RE REALLY BEING AN ALEKS RIGHT NOW!
DEVIN: Come on! Show him what you're really made of!
ALAN grunts as he hears the two cheer him on.
ALAN: That's it!
Suddenly, a red aura surrounds ALAN, causing EDEN to flinch and back away.
EDEN: What the...
An intense, yet oxymoronically calm aura surrounds ALAN... Crimson in it's color, DEVIN looks in awe as GEORGI recognizes the familiar colors of red.
GEORGI: He's... He's doing the other form WINN had!
EDEN: Holy shit! I can feel his godly presence from here!
DEVIN: You can't feel CHERRY KI, Dumbass!
EDEN: Shut the fuck up DEVIN!
Finally, every strand of hair that previously jolted up on ALAN's head waved down like it was underwater... His hair turned red and so did his eyes, his aura encompassing the ancient KI of the BERRIES... CHERRY!
ALAN: Now... nOw i'lL sHoW yOu!
EDEN: I can't even feel anything! Did you power up or down-
ALAN instantly appears right in front of EDEN, the ANDROID not even able to react as the CHERRY BERRY unsheathes his sword at mach-level speeds! The pummel of the sword hits EDEN right in the ribs, sending the ANDROID bouncing and flailing until he finally crashes through a palm tree and into the ocean.
DEVIN and GEORGI drop their jaws in awe, never seeing this much power before.
ALAN sheathes his sword back into place, transforming back into his BASE form.
DEVIN: That was... The coolest god damn attack I've ever seen!
GEORGI: Wait, why are you transforming back into your base form!? The fight isn't over yet!
ALAN: Yes it is. Nobody has ever gotten back up from that attack before. Well, except for the EDEN in my timeli-
Suddenly, EDEN bursts out of the water, coughing up motor oil and holding his chest in pain.
EDEN: You... Sly bastard! I'll give you that one!
ALAN: For god sakes... I shouldve just cut you into a billion pieces, or maybe take your arm like what happened to Raiden.
Suddenly, WAHEEB, PERLA return with a basket of tuna and a fishing rod, while ALEKS parks upfront in his car and gets out.
ALAN: You guys are finally back.
ALEKS and WAHEEB apprach ALAN, both surprised as PERLA just walks back into the house with the basket of tuna.
ALEKS: Boy! What the hell just happened here!
WAHEEB: Yeah, did WINN just fight? I swear to god I felt BANANA ki as we were coming back.
ALAN: No... But I do have some good news. We don't need DEVIN to achieve BOARDOCK's power anymore.
DEVIN: Whaa? Why not?
ALAN: EDEN in this timeline is a lot weaker for some reason. Back in my timeline, he would've blocked that easy.
GEORGI: And yet you risked using that move in this timeline anyway?
ALAN: Hey, to be fair, he's never seen it before in this timeline.
EDEN grunts in pain and grabs his shoulder.
EDEN: Heh... You're pretty strong, future boi. So strong that I may as well thank you for showing up...
ALAN: You're welco-
EDEN: GET HIM NEVID!
Suddenly, a albino fat-ass doughnut of an ANDROID emerges from the sand and grabs ALAN by both arms!
ALAN: What the, is this some kinda sick joke?
DEVIN: Why is he fat and literally a reverse of my name!?
ALEKS: Shit! Get off my son you fuckin-
Suddenly, a shockwave originates from ALAN and NEVID, knocking ALEKS and WAHEEB away as ALAN begins to scream like hes reliving all his past trauma!
WAHEEB: What in the!?
EDEN: YOU FOOLS FELL FOR IT! DRAIN THIS N*GGA'S BALLS NEVID!
NEVID begins to drain ALAN of his KI! As the latter struggles to break free, GEORGI, ALEKS, and WAHEEB all try to intervene, but EDEN teleports in front of NEVID and ALAN and creates the ultimate barrier once again.
ALEKS: Stay out of the way you punkass hippie! GALICK NO!
WAHEEB: SPECIAL ED CANNON!
GEORGI: JUKSAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
The three fire their iconic attacks! A purple BEAM of justice, a yellow rail-beam, and a deathball all collide into EDEN's ultimate barrier causing a huge explosion to break out, engulfing the entire island in smoke!
But their attacks are revealed to be of no use as the ultimate barrier stands strong! It's all ova for ALAN as NEVID throws the limp BERRY to the ground, the former being drained of all of his KI.
EDEN lets down his ultimate barrier with a evil laugh.
EDEN: WAHAHAHAHAHAAA! YOU STUPID NICKERS CAN NEVER FUCK WITH ANDROIDS! ANDROID MASTER RACE! ANDROID SUPREMACY!!
NEVID gives off an evil smile as he turns his fatass gaze to the rest of TEAM NINGEN.
DEVIN: BWAAAAAAAAAH I DON'T WANNA DIE TO A BUNCH OF ANDROIIIIDSSSS!!
GEORGI: Fuuuuck! I thought this CHAPTER was already over but NOOOOO!
WAHEEB: Where's WINN!? PERLAAAAA!
Meanwhile in WINN's room... The BERRY is fast asleep as his favorite streamer, FOR-SAN, plays quietly in the background on his phone. PERLA sits beside him, oblivious to anything happening outside.
PERLA: Misteeerrr... Miiiisterrrrr... They're all calling for youu... I think...
PERLA continues to poke at the snoring WINN before licking her paws.
PERLA: Oh well... I guess I'll wait here until he wakes up and brushes me.
And back to the current situation
ALEKS: You all can go call for WINN, but I can handle these androids!
ALEKS readies himself into a fighting pose as WAHEEB and GEORGI stand beside him.
WAHEEB: Don't be stupid you dumb BERRY fuck! Remember how you got killed last time?
GEORGI: Yeah, what he said! Besides! This DEVIN bootleg has ALAN's energy now! This isn't some popularity contest!
ALEKS: Yes it is! And I intend to be at the top!
ALEKS, GEORGI, and WAHEEB power up as NEVID and EDEN smugly wait for the first attack to be thrown.
EDEN: Oh yeah, you all forgot this!
EDEN kicks the unconscious ALAN towards DEVIN, causing DEVIN to frightfully yelp as the unconscious BERRY lands in front of him.
DEVIN: They... They beated him... And then they're gonna beat me...! ...OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-
And so, with DEVIN humorously being useless and screaming, and ALAN getting sneak attacked like the never-lucky fuck he is, he is officially knocked out for the fight, leaving ALEKS, WAHEEB, and GEORGI are left to fend for themselves! Will WINN finally wake up for his suspiciously deep slumber in time to help TEAM NINGEN? Find out in the next chapter of INFINITY FIGHTERZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!
== CHAPTER 5 - DANCE YOUR DICK OFF ==
LAST TIME ON INFINITY FIGHTERZ, ALAN gets his fucking shit kicked in as he did not see the giant albino ANDROID fuck emerge outta nowhere like some sort of dark souls enemy, but now with the return of WAHEEB and ALEKS, perhaps TEAM NINGEN may have a chance? probably not
EDEN: Thank god you were conveniently placed right under him by the author, NEVID, that guy was starting to piss me off.
WAHEEB: You only got pissed off by him because he was stronger than you as soon as he went CHERRY.
EDEN angrily stomps the ground.
EDEN: Graaagh! Shut up! Nobody around here is stronger! He's lucky to have even landed a hit on me!
Suddenly, ALEKS begins to maniacally laugh.
ALEKS: AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! If my son really pissed you off that badly, perhaps your tolerance isn't ready for the asskicking that is coming up next!
EDEN: What did you just say you incest-loving freak!?
ALEKS: Could you all shut the fuck up with that?! That was me in an alternate timeline! 
EDEN: Besides Mc-Hairline, you're even weaker than your son! You can't even go BANANA you silly goo-
ALEKS does a super anticlimactic powerup where his hair just simply poofs blonde.
ALEKS: There.
WAHEEB: Did that just seriously happen? Isn't that like... One of the most fabled forms of BERRY? And it's been casualized just like tha-
ALEKS: You see GREENMAN... They're not fighting the average BERRY anymore.
DEVIN yells from the horizon.
DEVIN: Can you just kill them already please!
WAHEEB: You know I can't tell if hes asking them to kill us or vice versa.
GEORGI who is asleep on the floor, is suddenly woken up.
GEORGI: Wait what? What happened!? Why is ALEKS blonde now?
EDEN: Uh huh uh huh... Hes BANANA now, big whoop. 
ALEKS: Luckily for you, I'll be disassembling your fatass friend here firs-
WINN: WAAAAAAAAAAIT!
Out of nowhere, WINN appears the front porch of the KAMEHAMEHOUSE! His yell scared the shit out of DEVIN, but hes already in BANANA as PERLA eats a bucket of tuna behind him.
EDEN: Too ez baby.
GEORGI: WINNNNNN! You're not supposed to be here!
WINN: Why the hell not!? I've been missing for TWO CHAPTERS now! I demand some screentime!
ALEKS: WINN me boi! Just in time! We're going to kick the shit out of these ANDROIDS in our master aryan hair and eye colors!
WINN: You keep talking like that and this entire WIKI goes down with you.
GEORGI: Good riddance if that happens!
WINN flies next to ALEKS, WAHEEB, AND GEORGI, the four now ready for a fight.
WAHEEB: WINN, shouldn't you not strain yourself right now? Remember, that CAFFEINE POISONING medicine that BRUTICUS gave you ran out over three years ago.
WINN cockily smirks and stretches his arms.
WINN: Hah, don't you know that it doesnt matter whether or not the medicine ran out? I already beat my coffee addiction remember? Only one cup a day!
WAHEEB: No-
FLASHBACK THREE YEARS AGO, THE KAMEHAMEHOUSE
WINN: Yo, WAHEEB, can you get the COFFEE pot from the fridge? I want some coffee.
DEVIN: Me too!
WINN: You're too young for that you little shit.
WAHEEB: Alright, but remember, BRUTICUS said only one cup a day.
WINN: No worries WAHEEB... I've got my cup right here...
Out of nowhere, WINN pulls out a coffee cup the size of a fucking mountain as he sets it down against the floor with a huge THUD sound, shaking the entire house. A red circle is also pointlessly highlighting the cup for some reason. BRUT and DEVIN giggle as WAHEEB has an unamused expression realizing that his BERRY friendmay very soon die of too much coffee.
FLASHBACK OVER
WINN: Yes I did! I Said I'd only have one cup a day and I owed up to it! Anyway, get ready! These ANDROID motherfuckers arn't gonna shit their own pants themselves!
PERLA: Technically the truth!
WAHEEB pauses for a moment and shrugs after accepting the insanity.
ALEKS: Well said WINN, my BERRY NICKER! I think I'll turn the fat one into a rice cooker!
As TEAM NINGEN form up a line against NEVID and EDEN, WINN is the first one to charge as he charges towards NEVID, ending up right in his face. As NEVID throws a big fuckin walloop punch against him, WINN INSTANT TRANSMISSIONS behind the fat ANDROID and kicks him in the back of the head with an OONGA kick, making the ANDROID instantly crash into the sand where he is buried head-first.
WINN: KNEEL BEFORE ME
EDEN turns in surprise to kick the shit out of WINN, but is suddenly interrupted by ALEKS, WAHEEB and GEORGI, all three starting to exchange blows with the ANDROID.
ALEKS: ORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA
WINN: Cringe.
Suddenly, as the 3V1 massacre is taking place, a blue light appears above them all as EDEN looks up and sees WINN charging up a KAIMEHAMEHA, before he can react in time, the three members of TEAM NINGEN back away from EDEN!
WINN: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
WINN hurls the SUPER KAIMEHAMEHA at the ANDROID, causing latter to raise up his ultimate barrier!
*KABOOM*
The island is shrouded in a fuckton of sand and smoke again as WINN lands back with the rest of TEAM NINGEN.
GEORGI: Did we get that NICKER?
PERLA: Nope.
To which EDEN reveals himself to be unharmed as he dusts himself off.
EDEN: I swear to god ya'll are just roughin up my clothes at this point.
ALEKS: MMMM, DAMN IT! 
WAHEEB: PERLA, help us!
PERLA simply just meows in response.
WAHEEB: YOU USELESS FUCKING NÍGGER! YOU'RE JUST LIKE THE REST OF THEM!
PERLA builds of a orb of destruction in her paw.
WAHEEB: okokimsorry
GEORGI: Besides, It'd be too ez mode if she helped us.
WINN: Tru.
ALEKS: WINN, please tell me you can go CHERRY.
WINN responds with labored breathing and coughing up blood.
WINN: PRGHHHH... Uhhh.. Ignore that, COVID and all. Heres the thing, I can go CHERRY but only for a split second before my control of it runs out and sends me completely back to my BASE form.
GEORGI thinks back to the time that ALAN defeated EDEN in a single blow in less than half a second.
GEORGI: That's good enough!
The rest of TEAM NINGEN look at GEORGI in confusion.
DEVIN: NO ITS NOT WINN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
WINN: Haha GEORGI, real funny.
GEORGI: NO, N*GGA! I mean it! With the speed that CHERRY gives you, even a single hit on that fuckboy is enough to knock him out the fight! He already got hit by the dude with the sword, if he takes another like that he'll be
more dead than ETIKA!
WINN thinks for a moment before nodding.
WINN: Alright, I've got an idea. Listen up boys, I need a diversion.
After a circle group meeting with the boys, all the members of TEAM NINGEN nod in unison and ready themselves for WINN's plan.
EDEN: Are you all done chit chatting over there? Whatever you all do, it aint gonn' work on me!
WINN proceeds to pull out the jukebox and plays a song on it.
WINN: Yeah... This is something we promise we'd never use... But the situation calls for it.
ALEKS: This is our ultimate attack, villain!
WAHEEB: Prepare for trouble.
GEORGI: And make it Quadruple! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
EDEN: The hell are ya'll-
TEAM NINGEN suddenly get into position and pose stylishly, the entire island getting cinematically dark and spotlights dramatically highlighting TEAM NINGEN.
PERLA: Oh, oh! I love this one!
WINN: This is the dance!
One by one, each member of TEAM NINGEN begin dancing like they're alone in their room on a boring weekend.
ALEKS: FEEL THE GROVE MOTHERFUCKER! 
GEORGI: WHY ARE WE DOING THIS AGAIN!?
WAHEEB: I'VE BEEN SAVING THIS ONE!
WINN hovers above the three dancing fuckers holding a charging up SPIRIT BOMB.
WINN: BEHOLD! THE uhhh... RAVE BALL! LET IT SHINE UPON YOUR BITCHASS!
WINN makes the SPIRIT BOMB do a strobe-light effect over the dancing TEAM NINGEN.
EDEN stands completely shocked and begins laughing at the top of his lungs.
WINN: Not the reaction I was expecting, but hey as long as it distracts him.
As TEAM NINGEN continues doing their surprisingly well choreographed dance moves, WINN suddenly feels a tingly sense across his brain like he had to sneeze or something.
WINN: Alright! Here goes nothing!
Compressing the SPIRIT BOMB into his fist, WINN bursts into a flame of red KI and transforms into CHERRY!
WINN: IT'S READY! MEGA FISTOOOOOOOOOOO!
At supersonic speeds, WINN appears in front EDEN with the SPIRIT BOMB charged fist!
WINN: EAT THIS SHIIIIT!
ALEKS: DO IT WINN!
WAHEEB: GO WINN ELRIC!
DEVIN: DO IT DAD!
GEORGI: FULLMETAAAALLLL!
EDEN: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
WINN: DRAGON FIIIIIIIIIIIIISTTTTT!!!!
WINN propels his fist at full speed at EDEN's head, ready to deliver a blow that would turn the ANDROID into bits! But then that would end the ARC too soon, so NEVID teleports behind WINN and grabs him by the waist, causing him to miss his punch completely.
WINN: WHYYYY AM I NEVER LUCKYYYYYYYYYYYYY-
NEVID proceeds to suplex WINN into oblivion, causing the latter to be pancaked into the sand!
GEORGI: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHA
ALEKS: PPFFAAHAHHAHAAHHAHA! I mean... OH SHIT! WINNNNNN!
PERLA meows in dissapointment and just walks back into the house.
WAHEEB: Holy shit! Did nobody even pay attention to that fatass getting out of the sand!?
NEVID: Side-objective completed: Fuck up THE WINNER.
WINN, now buried waist-up in the sand, lays limp as EDEN realizes hes not dead.
EDEN: Aha... AHAHAHAAAA! NEVID You are seriously the best machine ever! 
WAHEEB: God damn it. 
ALEKS: That was a good plan though, I gotta admit.
GEORGI: I don't even know how to dance to be honest bros.
EDEN: That got me good! I wont lie! But now that big brain here is out of the picture, I won't have to worry about some bullshit like that again!
Suddenly, EDEN pulls out an actual portal gun and shoots a blue one onto the ground, forming a wormhole to a place unknown.
EDEN: Anywhooo! I think I've enjoyed kicking your asses here enough!
GEORGI: N*gga, you almost died. Twice.
EDEN: Naaah that was all planned out! Peace!
EDEN and NEVID proceed to hop in the portal.
WAHEEB: ... So whos digging out WINN-
EDEN suddenly pops his head back out the portal.
EDEN: Oh yeah I forgot to mention. DEVIN! I hacked your ROBCOCK account, if you don't defeat me in a week, I'm hacking into it and deleting it. Peace!
EDEN proceeds to sink his head back into the portal and closes it from the other side.
DEVIN: HE WHAAAAT!? 
DEVIN proceeds to run over to WINN and tuck on his shirt, even though hes still buried in the sand.
DEVIN: PLEASE TRAIN ME WINNNNN!!
ALEKS: Oh now he wants to start training.
WAHEEB: It's not even a big deal... Whats ROBCOCK?
GEORGI: Oh I love that game! It's like that one game where blocky n*ggas with smiley faces shoot the hell out of each other!
Suddenly, the portal opens again and EDEN pops out.
EDEN: Oh yeah I got your account too.
EDEN sinks back in and the portal closes.
GEORGI: Man, I don't give a fuck.
As DEVIN beg an unconscious WINN in the background, WAHEEB and ALEKS grab shovels and begin to dig WINN out, with ALAN waking just back up. TEAM NINGEN realize not much is really at stake, they simply dig WINN out of the sand and just call it a day. But soon... The stakes will be very high in the NEXT CHAPTER OF INFINITY FIGHTERZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
== CHAPTER 6 - THE CALM BEFORE THE STORM ==
June 28, 2012
8:30 PM - A random hospital in Vegas
Clear - 88F
As ALEKS and WAHEEB hear WINN's name be called next in queue in a waiting room, WAHEEB pats WINN awake.
WAHEEB: WINN, doctor's here.
WINN drowsily wakes up.
WINN: Huh? Wha-? You're not a doctor yet, WAHEEB!
ALEKS: I see the morphine they gave him still hasn't worn off.
WAHEEB: You can't blame him, after that SUPLEX he suffered a quite notable amount of broken bones.
ALEKS helps WAHEEB put WINN on a wheelchair, which will be iconic very soon.
ALEKS: Heavy maintenance, sheesh.
WAHEEB: Bro hes like 130 pounds. Hes anything but heavy.
ALEKS shrugs off WAHEEB's fact and the two push WINN into a hospital room, where WINN is lied down onto a hospital bed.
WINN: Guhh... Where am I...?
ALEKS chuckles a little as a DOKTOR walks into the room... Who turns out to be none other than LEE!
WAHEEB: Hey DOKTOR I think-... Wait a second, you're that one guy that helped us rebuild the KAMEHAMEHOUSE a few years back!
ALEKS: Oh yeah! You really gave off the exaggerated swagger of a black teen!
LEE gives off a confused look before putting on his glasses and hooking WINN's arm into an IV stand.
LEE: Oh wait a second. Yeah, it's you guys. I know WINN personally, so I asked the hospital's administration to be his caretaker while hes here. 
WAHEEB gives off a quirky smile.
WAHEEB: A NINGEN doctor huh? In a few more years, I'll have a doctor in front of my name just like you.
LEE: Really now? I don't remember asking.
WAHEEB barely holds himself back from lasering LEE.
ALEKS: Anywho, I heard you guys diagnosed WINN with something.
LEE: Yeah, it's terminal CAFFEINE POISONING. Luckily, it might not be terminal with our newest batch of experimental do-hickey drugs.
WAHEEB: Wait, you're a doctor right? Why are you talking like that?
LEE: Talking like what?
WAHEEB: Nevermind.
Suddenly, LEE pulls out a giant purple pill from his pocket. It's almost as large as WINN's coffee cup.
ALEKS: WINN's gonna eat THAT?
LEE: Yep. Bad news is, it's not going through his mouth.
WAHEEB: Don't tell me it's going in his-
LEE: Good news is--he'll only have to take this pill once and let his body process it for a week or two.
Suddenly, ALEKS gets a call on his IPHONE 800, the caller's name being "DISAPPOINTMENT".
ALEKS: Excuse me, my son is calling.
ALEKS answers the phone and oddly doesn't leave the room.
ALEKS: Yeah?
On the other side is ALAN, with DEVIN and BRUT yelling in the background.
ALAN: Dad? How's WINN doing?
ALEKS: He's fine. He just has to take this giganto-fuckin pill and he'll recover in a week or two.
The entire phone shakes violently as ALAN yells through it.
ALAN: A WEEK OR TWO!? We need him back in the fight in four days MAX!
ALEKS: Well the pill isn't just going to automagically cure his CAFFEINE POISONING right away, doctor said it's terminal otherwise too.
ALAN: Wait a second, why can't we just wish him to be cured with the DRAGON NUTS!?
WAHEEB raises his eyebrows, thinking that's actually a good idea.
ALEKS: You act like we have all the DRAGON NUTS at our house ready and convenient. After WINN wished us back four years ago, we never bothered finding them again because then any villain could just come over and steal em. Besides, if we started looking now, it'd take over a month to find them.
ALAN audibly sighs through the phone as LEE gives WINN the pill through his [REDACTED].
WINN: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
ALEKS: Anywho, WINN's taking the pill now, I'll call you back when it's less loud-
ALAN: Wait! You guys are coming home soon, right?
WAHEEB: Yeah, we'll leave WINN in the care of LEE. Besides, it smells like shit here.
As DEVIN and BRUT continue to scream in the background, GEORGI begins to yell too.
GEORGI: THERE YOU ARE YOU LITTLE SHITS!
ALEKS: The fuck is going on back there? We leave the house for two hours and you guys are already-
ALAN: DEVIN and BRUT stole GEORGI's POOL AID.
PERLA: Can you all settle down? I'm trying to eat here!
As the screeches intensify, the sound of GEORGI charging up his fist is heard.
GEORGI: FUCKING DOWN!
A huge explosion is heard on the phone before ALAN abruptly hangs up the phone.
ALEKS: I think we're gonna need those DRAGON NUTS when we go back home.
WAHEEB: Jesus christ those five can't take care of themselves for shit.
LEE: You two should go back to whatever fiasco is happening at your house, I've got WINN taken cared of here.
WINN, now with a gigantic pill up his [REDACTED], sleeps peacefully on the hospital bed.
ALEKS: Well that's that, what do we exactly do when we get back anywho?
WAHEEB: I guess one of us is gonna have to train DEVIN.
ALEKS' face gains an ego smirk.
ALEKS: Well, seeing how I'm the strongest, I should be the one to teach him.
WAHEEB: Yeah whatever, I've got more studying to do anyway, peace.
As WAHEEB walks to the exit, ALEKS gets a disappointed look on his face, almost as if he was expecting WAHEEB to argue on who gets to train DEVIN.
ALEKS: Oh come on! What happened to your fighting spirit? You used to wanna be the strongest with us all the time!
WAHEEB: Look, I'm not a low IQ BERRY like you or WINN.
ALEKS: D COLON!
WAHEEB: I'm a high IQ NAMEXICAN who enjoys analyzing things in life and my surroundings, so if you think I wanted to be the "strongest", you're sorely mistaken.
Now excuse me as I go listen to classical NAMEXICAN music while studying the Erudition of Gynaecology.
ALEKS: The huh the what the who now? Well, one less person to compete against I guess...
And so marks the end of this quite short chapter, with WINN now being out of the fight AGAIN, and with ALEKS and WAHEEB returning back to the KAMEHAMEHOUSE, who knows how DEVIN's training will go. Will it be ALAN? Or ALEKS? Or perhaps even GEORGI or PERLA? Who knows, because shit's gonna get really crazy and stupid. TOMMOROW ON INFINITY FIGHTERZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ-
== CHAPTER 7 - I FUCKING TOLD YOU, DAD ==
June 29, 2012
8:05 AM - Nevada, Lake Mead, KAMEHAMEHOUSE
Partly Cloudy - 87F
DEVIN is snoring in his room sleeping rather heavily, when then suddenly ALEKS kicks down the door to his room and opens the curtains to the windows.
DEVIN: AH FRIIICK! THE LIGHHTT!
ALEKS: Rise and shine, pancake! I'm your designated trainer! I just dropped BRUT to school so we got all day! Come on!
DEVIN: Whaaa! Nooo! I don't wanna get up!
DEVIN whines as he curls up into his blankets, causing ALEKS to pull on the blanket until DEVIN starts rolling midair like Raiden after he got kicked by Armstrong.
ALEKS catches DEVIN in the air and carries him to the beach.
ALEKS: I'm not just gonna let you sob all week to let that ANDROID fuck delete your stupid account! Come on!
The waves of the ocean crash against the shores of the KAMEHAMEHOUSE's island as DEVIN's training occurs. His fat body is barely able to keep up with the physical pressure as after a couple of practice punches and kicks, he breathes heavily.
???: DISMAL!
ALEKS: Come on! Is that all you got? 
DEVIN pants harshly and catches his breath.
DEVIN: Jesus this is too much! Can't start with a warm up?
ALEKS: This IS a warm up! Be glad I'm even doing this just to help you save your shitty block game account!
ALEKS performs consecutive kicks in the air until finally slamming down onto the beach, spreading sand everywhere and on an un-amused DEVIN.
???: APOCALYPTIC!
DEVIN: OK, who is saying that!? Whenever we perform a technique there's just some random deep pitched voice commenting on everything we do!
ALEKS: Don't question it. How long has it been since you've even exercised anywho?
DEVIN: Exercised?
ALEKS: Nevermind.
Suddenly, GEORGI kicks open the front door of the KAMEHAMEHOUSE open as he walks out with a sombrero and a case of cream soda.
GEORGI: Yo guys! Guess what I found in WINN's room!
ALEKS: Why are you digging in his stuff? Stay outta there if you know what's good for you.
GEORGI: Or what? He's gonna hit me with that wheelchair you guys mentioned? BWAHAHA!
DEVIN: Oh, Oh! Pass me one GEORGI!
ALEKS: dO yOu nOt hAvE eMpaThY?
GEORGI throws DEVIN a bottle, the trajectory a little off, causing DEVIN to dive for the bottle and missing, the fatass landing on the sand and causing a mini-earthquake.
DEVIN: OOF! What!?
The bottle lands onto the water as the tides start pulling it away.
DEVIN: NOOOO!
DEVIN takes off his shirt and immediately begins swimming for the bottle.
ALEKS: DEVIN, what the hell do you think you're doing!? The waves on LAKE MEAD are super intense you idiot, you're never gonna swim to the bottle, just fly!
GEORGI takes a bottle out of the case and chugs it dry, burping loudly afterward.
GEORGI: That's some good NINGEN shit! Man, if I still had my empire I would've totally forced the company to give me a lifetime supply.
ALEKS thinks for a moment and has a magical lightbulb appear right over his head.
ALEKS: Wait a second... GEORGI! Hand me the case!
GEORGI tilts his head in confusion as DEVIN's screams are heard in the ocean.
GEORGI: Wha? You want the entire case?
ALEKS: Heh, not for me.
MONTAGE BEGIN
As ALEKS gestures DEVIN to ready himself, the trainer throws a bottle of cream soda into the ocean by not too long away, ALEKS gesturing DEVIN to go. As DEVIN struggles to swim towards the bottle washing away, he nearly drowns as ALEKS flies over to save him. This repeats for the next ten bottles before they call it a day.
ALEKS: COME ON BOY, WORK THOSE CHICKEN LEGS!
THE NEXT DAY
This time ALEKS throws the bottle at the same distance, DEVIN charging towards the ocean as soon as he sees the bottle flying. This repeats until on the eighth attempt, the boy manages to swim a good distance this time before being overwhelmed by a sudden wave, causing ALEKS to shake his head.
THE NEXT DAY
ALEKS chucks the bottle a little further into the ocean this time, and DEVIN bursts into the ocean, his swimming rhythm being much better than before. DEVIN swims further and further until a wave obscures him from ALEKS' view, and yet as ALEKS let out a sigh thinking that DEVIN had been washed away again, the wave passes over and reveals a euphoric DEVIN holding up a cream soda victoriously. DEVIN pops open the bottle with joy and straight up waterfalls the soda into his mouth while keeping afloat. ALEKS slowly gives off a smile full of pride.
THE NEXT DAY
ALEKS powers up and puts a lot of force into his toss this time, causing the bottle to fly twice as far than before, DEVIN rushing into the waters again and on his first try, manages to swim 250 meters over harsh waves and retrieves the bottle with ease!
AND THEN
ALEKS literally goes BANANA and chucks the bottle with such force, god knows how the bottle doesn't break instantly as it missiles straight into the ocean miles away!
DEVIN: OK, I'm not getting that.
ALEKS: Y-Yeah... Maybe I went overboard with that one.
DEVIN grabs a bottle of cream soda from the case anyway and starts to drink from it.
DEVIN: Pwaah! I lost so many pounds all this flabby skin is hanging off me!
ALEKS: I did not need to hear that.
ALEKS' skin crawls, but he grabs a cream soda from the casing and gestures it towards DEVIN.
DEVIN: Uhhh, ALEKS?
ALEKS: Cheers, kid. Come on, you deserved it.
DEVIN gives off a jolly smile before clinking his bottle against ALEKS'.
July 3, 2012
8:09 AM - Nevada, Lake Mead, KAMEHAMEHOUSE
Clear - 89F
ALEKS and DEVIN are sitting at the beach performing some basic universal BNB combos as ALAN runs to them.
ALAN: Guys, guys! What the hell have you two been doing! Today's the day!
ALEKS: Ah, my disappointment. We out here doin' some training, unlike your lazy ass.
ALAN: For god sakes, you're both training? I already told you, DEVIN doesn't need to train anymore! I'm capable of defeating EDEN in this timeline!
DEVIN: Err, didn't that fat android beat you?
ALAN: My guard was down!
ALEKS: Listen ALAN, it doesn't matter whether or not you're strong enough. You said DEVIN would be the strongest right? I'm here to prove that wrong!
DEVIN and ALAN look at ALEKS in confusion.
ALAN: What? You know what, never mind, you're hurting my head. I came here because EDEN just announced live on television the location of the arena!
ALEKS and DEVIN both look at each other in unison.
July 3, 2012
8:15 AM - Nevada, Lake Mead, KAMEHAMEHOUSE
Clear - 89F
TELIVISION (News Anchor): You heard here first folks, the fight of the lifetime will occur here as the two androids are demanding an opponent who can defeat them! if their demands are not met within 24 hours, they will use the DRAGON NUTS to "SLAY ALL" NINGENS! So since we're all gonna die soon anyway, I have an announcement to make... I gotta to be transparent with you guys... I've... been uNfAiThFuL.
ALAN turns off the TV and smashes the remote.
ALEKS: Heeey! We gotta pay for that you dipshi-
ALAN: I TOLD YOU WE SHOULD'VE GOTTEN THE DRAGON NUTS AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENS! THEY GO FIND EM INSTEAD WITH THEIR STUPID GIMMICKY RADARS!
DEVIN: Drama queeen!
ALEKS: Right? Besides, you can totally beat them right? So what's the big huss?
ALAN pinches his nose in frustration as he barely holds himself from flipping the couch ALEKS and DEVIN were sitting on.
ALAN: You know what, you're right. I'm gonna hand their asses to them and bring the DRAGON NUTS here, and end of ARC II, right?
ALEKS & DEVIN: Right.
Suddenly, PERLA, WAHEEB, and WINN in a wheelchair come through the front door.
PERLA seems a little sulkier than usual as WINN is just completely drooling everywhere, completely devoid of brain activity.
WAHEEB: We're back, WINN just got discharged from the hospital.
ALAN: Looking like that?
PERLA: Uhuuuu... It's a side effect of that medicine! My poor Mister, now completely lobotomized! 
WINN: URUGUGUHHHHH I DONATE A HUNDRED DOLLARS TO THOTS ON TWITCHHH SO THEY CAN SAY MY NAME OUT LOUD HUEHUEHEUHUEEEE...
WAHEEB: Ugh, he didn't get lobotomized, PERLA. Hes just like this for another few days until the pill wears off.
ALEKS: Wait, why is he all... Low IQ from a pill?
WAHEEB: It was grape flavored.
ALAN: Anywho, you all must've heard the news by now, EDEN's hosting the stupid bootleg tournament of power way north from here, all the way in the Nevadan desert.
WAHEEB: Awfully kind of him to consider the location.
ALAN: Yeah yeah, I'm gonna go there, kick his and NEVID's ass, and you're all gonna watch me, capiche?
GEORGI suddenly and loudly slams open the door to his room and pops his head out.
GEORGI: I don't have to do anything!
He then gently closes the door back in place.
ALAN: Whatever, I know he'll just be watching online or something.
DEVIN: B-But what about me? I thought I was gonna beat up EDEN! That big stupid meanie made me eat the pavement and bullied me and-
ALAN: Listeeen kid, saving the world is more important than your own childhood trauma vendetta against him, so just let me deliver the punishment for you.
DEVIN gives out a dissapointed pout as he crosses his arms.
WAHEEB: Alright, say for a moment your plan doesn't work out, then what?
ALAN: Are you stupid you retarded green NAMEXICAN?
The entire room goes D COLON.
WAHEEB: Ayo cmon bruh.
ALAN: This plan WILL work! This entire ARC will end in the next paragraph right no-
July 3, 2012
8:40 AM - Nevada, Somewhere near Area 51
Clear - 90F
ALAN, in his CHERRY form gets his ass handed to him as EDEN simply blocks every one of his attacks with the ULTIMATE BARRIER, causing ALAN to swing angrily until EDEN simply teleports behind the edgy swordsman with his PORTAL GUN and knocks him to the ground with an almighty oonga punch. As EDEN steps over ALAN's head, he looks stares at the confused and panicked WAHEEB, DEVIN, and ALEKS.
EDEN: Anyone else?
DEVIN: T-T-This can't be happening! ALAN literally one-shotted EDEN the last time he went CHERRY! 
EDEN: Machine Learning little guy, consider it you guys' version of ZENGAY boost.
ALEKS clenches his fists in anger and shouts in the distance at ALAN.
ALEKS: Graahh! You disappointment! Pick yourself up and do some other moves already!
EDEN kicks ALAN in the ribs, causing him to roll onto his back. As ALAN opens his eyes slowly, he sees TEAM NINGEN to the side.
ALAN: This is some complete bullshit from the author right here... Guh...
ALAN blacks out as ALEKS begins to power up into BANANA.
ALEKS: Grrr! All of you stand back, I'm gonna manhandle this coconut-trim fuck!
WAHEEB: Are you that stupid? He just defeated your son in CHERRY, ALEKS.
DEVIN: Y-Yeah! Just wait a second! If you dive in there you'll die for sure!
ALEKS: Bah, screw this, let's go right now you-
Suddenly, NEVID lands in front of the three members of TEAM NINGEN.
DEVIN: OH GOD IT'S ME-
NEVID gvives DEVIN a really painful looking gut punch, sending him flying into the rocky hills where he crashes into them.
ALEKS: WHAT THE!? KAKYOIN!
WAHEEB: Wrong series!
ALEKS turns to the fat robot with a 5LLL but the fat robot manages to dodge them all somehow, flying away as ALEKS chases after it.
As WAHEEB watches ALEKS and NEVID take off to battle somewhere else, he looks back at EDEN, who has a smirk on his face.
EDEN: So greenbelt, looks like its me against you then.
WAHEEB sighs as he throws the book he was reading, labeled "W" away, and takes off his fake doctor's coat.
WAHEEB: I'm rusty as hell, but why not.
EDEN: Now there's a pretty attitude! Exquisite! You NAMEXICANS are always sensible and straight to the point!
WAHEEB cracks his neck somehow even though we're not sure how NAMEXICAN bones work, with the android readying into a fighting stance.
With ALAN getting cockblocked off a victory again and EDEN emerging victorious through the bullshit known as MACHINE LEARNING, will ALEKS and WAHEEB be able to stop the unstoppable ANDROID Duo!? IDK MAN, SEEMS BRETTY EVEN TO ME.