Dragonstone 43

Chapter 43Our Heroes dock in Pendwyr and head into the city. Samurai Chick snarks at Alos, and Alos retorts that she has no claim on him - he's free now, and can go where he wants. And you know what? He's absolutely right. He was drugged and kidnapped, he made it clear he never wanted any part of these crazy people and their crazy quest, and now he can leave them.
Samurai Chick growls at him, and they all get rooms at the Blue Moon inn. In the morning, Alos is gone, and good for him. Samurai Chick is called "yellow," \~/ and Egil assures Arin that "we can always find [Alos] and cast him aboard the ship."
Asshole. \~/
Arin, to her credit, won't condone such outright kidnapping - again, though she was fine with it the first time - and the matter is dropped. Instead, over breakfast, Our Heroes start to ponder where the "ferret in the High King's cage" might be. Delon wonders if King Bleys, presumably the High King although that's never stated, keeps a garden of beasts somwhere. Samurai Chick, who must have spent some points on Intelligence last time she leveled up, suggests that "Perhaps the ferret in the High King's cage is a person, just as you were a mad monarch's rutting peacock."
Yes, and just as Samurai Chick herself was The Cat Who Fell From Grace, and just as Egil and/or Alos and/or a rotten ogre's eyeball was One-Eye in Dark Water (spoiler: it's not the rotten ogre's eyeball). Why, it's almost as if the "rede" refers to people rather than animals!
Our Heroes toss around some ideas, and Egil turns to Arin, who is staring into the fire trying to trigger one of her visions. The visions that she knows come randomly, and that she has no way to trigger. Those visions.
Our Heroes spend some more time discussing their options, but since all that have is one cryptic sentence to go on, this doesn't lead anywhere useful. Samurai Chick posits that Queen Gudrun might be the "cursed keeper of faith in the maze," based on the presence of the statue at the center of her hedge maze, and suggests that if she is, Samurai Chick will kill her. Arin says that they probably need her alive, which causes Samurai Chick to suggest that she can kill her after they're done with her, because she is a violent, bloodthirsty psychopath.
After another half-page of nothing, we head on into the town proper and toward the caer. We get an infodump on the history of Pendwyr, and specifically, where it gets its water from. This is rendered more-than-usually pointless by the following sentence: "Neither Arin nor Egil nor Delon nor Aiko commented upon the history of Pendwyr, for they did not know how the city had come to be."
\~/\~/ Two drinks for being spectacularly stupid. There's an art to conveying information, an art McKiernan has not learned.
We meander on to the fortress itself, which - as one would expect - has more government offices and stuff and fewer taverns and shops. There's also a large, open square where the locals are testing a "gallows of many ropes" in preparation for hanging some captured Rovers that evening. Some peddlers are already positioning their carts to take advantage of the anticipated crowd, which gives Arin a chance to be all snooty and superior, sighing"Humans: they make a carnival of death."
I'm sorry; I seem to remember the elves going to war over some trees. And complaining that the people who were killed for chopping down said trees didn't suffer enough. And ranting about "sending home a message," and "retribution," and stuff like that. Take your sparkly hypocrisy and shove it, lady. \~/
Our merry band of misfits makes it to a "low building" with a line of people awaiting entry, presumably to see the king. They take their place at the end of the line, and Samurai Chick is again muttered over because she is "yellow." \~/ But not to worry! Lest you fear that Our Heroes will actuall have to wait in line like the common scum, "a soldier dressed in the red and gold of the High King's guard" saunters over to see if Arin has a message for King Bleys. We learn that Bleys is not even in Pendwyr, but the place is being run by Lord Revor, his steward.
Arin says they really need to see the steward, but is told they can't, as he's preparing for an urgent journey. At this, "Arin drew herself up to her full four feet eight. 'Tell him that a representative of Coron Remar of Darda Erynian is here seeking aid."
Now, this is interesting. This means - unless Arin is flagrantly lying - that she is an official representative of the elven king, and can expect to be greeted respectfully. She apparently thinks this is sufficient to persuade the steward of the High King to see her immediately, even though she has just been told that's impossible. This means that all that nonsense in Jute about disguising themselves as strolling minstrels and waiting for an official invitation was just that - nonsense. Arin could have, should have, simply announced herself as a representative of foreign royalty and been shown in to speak with Gudrun.
We of course know that Gudrun was a nut, and wouldn't have granted Arin's request, but Arin did not. Arin had every reason to approach Gudrun directly, and no reason for that ridiculous cloak-and-dagger routine. If there was some legitimate reason - like if Gudrun was hostile to elves, or didn't recognize the current elf king, or something - we should have been told. \~/
Anyway, they get an appointment for an afternoon meeting . . . I guess that "urgent journey" wasn't quite so urgent. They meet with Steward Revor, and learn the reason King Bleys isn't in Pendwyr: he's riding to war with the elves, against the goblins.
I am dead serious.
Revor mentions the "Lian campaign against the Rupt," causing Arin to burst out "Campaign? What campaign?"
Arin, you were there when it started. You were literally, physically present when the King of the Elves declared his intention to start a war over nine trees. Your sparkly beau whined about not being able to get in on the slaughter himself, remember? \~/
"From the message that came, Elven vengeance was swift, milady, utterly without mercy, as it should have been."
THEY. WERE. TREES.
Great Tolkien's ghost, mallorn trees were special but there was never any suggestion that the elves would start a war over them. They were just an unusually beautiful and graceful species of tree. The closest parallel I can think of in Tolkien's writings were the Trees of Silver and of Gold and their descendents, and they were unique holy things created by the Valar Varda herself, and gave light to the entire world before the sun and the moon rose. The eld trees are just . . . really big. \~/\~/
"Chilling examples were made of the axe wielders,"
Isn't it great to know that the sparkly, superior elves torture their enemies? \~/\~/
"and their remains are even now being displayed to their Spaunen kindred in their mountain haunts."
What was that you said two pages ago, Arin, about humans making a carnival of death? I believe it was something humorous. Care to repeat it? \~/\~/
"At times battle ensues, and the Lian hew down those Rupt that take up arms."
This sounds less like a war and more like the sparkly superior elves ruthlessly slaughtering anyone who dares disagree with them.
Revor exposits that eld trees are protected by royal edit (because reasons), which, fair enough, but the ones who cut them down are already dead. No, I'm not going to let that go as long as McKiernan keeps treating this like some sort of horrific tragedy. King Bleys "is not one to stand idly by when there are arms to wield," and "would rather leave the administration of his realm to others." He sounds like a terrible ruler.
We also learn that King Bleys has an elf advisor named Phais. Phase? That's a weird name. Anyway, she and Bleys - Blaze and Phase, dear God, that sounds like a superhero duo drawn by Rob Liefield - went off to join the tree-war three months ago, and Lord Revor hasn't heard anything from them since. I would think that would be cause for alarm, but what do I know?
Arin finally gets to the point, telling Revor that they're seeking "a ferret in the High King's cage." Revor is understandably bewildered, so Arin explains the situation and asks if there are any ferrets in Pendwyr.
She . . . she's still looking for an actual ferret?
. . .
I need a minute.
. . .
Apparently Arin and the others have learned literally nothing from their past experiences. The Cat was a human, the Peacock was a human, and One-Eye is pretty unlikely to be the rotten ogre eyeball, meaning it also is a human. Maybe the ferret is also a human. ''Maybe the descriptions were poetic, riddling metaphors and not literal descriptions. I mean, y'know, just an idea.
\~/\~/ Morons.
Revor says, fine, they can root through the kennels if they want, but he assures them there are no tube rats of any kind. As an afterthought, Delon asks for permission to question the prisoners in jail, which is granted. I assume he intends to pull on their faces really hard to see if any of them are giant, mutant ferrets cleverly disguised as humans.
We cut forward to Delon expositing that they have - surprise, surprise - found no actual ferrets in the kennels, nor in the mews where the royal falcons and hawks are kept. With only a candlemark to go before the prisoners are hanged, they decide to saunter by the jail and maybe poke around there a bit. Arin continues to get her elf on, muttering over "Mankind and his spectacle of death."
Egil, of all people, actually calls her on it, pointing out that the elves are currently displaying goblin corpses to the goblins' relatives, and that they only cut down trees while the pirates killed people. Arin reluctantly concedes that the slaughter of sapient beings may be slightly worse than the killing of nonsapient plants, be they ever so pretty. "Yet heed, the crowd down by the gallows has come to be entertained, whereas the warband of Lian seek only vengeance pure, and they seek only to prevent such from occurring again. They feel no joy in what they do; only justice."
\~/\~/\~/ One for "vengeance pure," one for elven hypocrisy, and one for "only justice."
Our Morons Heroes reach the jail where they are requires to set aside their weapons. They are searched and Samurai Chick's "shiruken" are found as well. This causes her to "growl" and threaten to castrate the warden. Yes, really: "Care for them as if they were your children, for if they are not here when we return, you shall father no offspring in the future."
And then she was fined for threatening an officer of the guard and kicked out of Pendwyr? No? Aww. \~/
Our Heroes are led back to the cells, and the warden points out which ones are to be hanged, and which are merely drunks and debtors. He leaves them alone . . . because potato \~/ . . . and Delon suddenly shouts "Ferret!" This causes one of the prisoners, "a fair-skinned youth with dark brown, shoulder-length hair" to declare that she is "Ferret," and "unjustly imprisoned."
Delon and Arin quickly determine that the woman's name is Ferai, but she goes by Ferret, and she continues to insist on her innocence. They decide she has to be the subject of their quest, and must be released at once regardless of her guilt or innocence.
Let me throw out an idea.
You're a thief, in jail and scheduled to be hanged in less than an hour. Suddenly, some foreign weirdos barge into the jailhouse and start peering at the prisoners, clearly looking for someone or something, and one of them shouts "ferret!" for no apparent reason. Given that you're going to die unless something chances, it might be worth your while to answer the foreigners, tell them your name is Ferret, and see what they want. At worst, nothing will change and you'll die; at best, they're looking for someone named Ferret to give them a royal pardon and a bag of gold. You have literally nothing to lose and everything to gain here. Why on earth would you not go for it? I'm only surprised that half the prisoners aren't suddenly insisting that they're called Ferret.
Arin demands that Ferai be set free. The warden, quite understandably, refuses, saying she's the Queen of Thieves and is to be hanged first. Arin insists, and says she wants to speak with the chief warden. While this is going on, Delon, at Ferai's insistence, slips her his belt along with the gaudy buckle, and she asks where to meet them. Delon mentions both the inn and the boat, and we return to Arin as she tells the chief warden that he must release one of the prisoners. He informs her that it can't be done as his men go to start escorting prisoners out to the gallows. Arin insists that the elf king and Lord Revor will back her up, but as she has no proof, the chief warden opts to do his actual job rather than bend over to accomodate some tiny elf weirdo.
Also, Samurai Chick is again called "yellow," in case you briefly forgot. \~/
Suddenly, the sounds of battle ring out in the courtyard! The chief warden runs off, sword drawn, and Our Heroes decide now would be an excellent time to free Ferai. They head back inside, finding various people - prisoners and guards both - dead or dying, and all the cell doors open and the surviving prisoners gone. Delon reports that Ferai said she'd meet them at the Brise, and Samurai Chick wants to leave the area. Arin raises a brief objection about the wounded, but Egil says that "Surely someone is even now fetching healers. Besides, the chief warden is likely to blame the escape on us." Delon says that he'd be right to do so and, Arin's conscience thus salved, they book it.
So now the protagonists are indirectly responsible for the deaths of a number of innocent bystanders. Aren't they just wonderful people? \~/
They head back to the Blue Moon, noting as they go a Dragonship in the harbor flying Jute colors. We cut to Delon, alone, chatting with the innkeeper, who reveals that a young man also wearing Jute colors came by looking for them. Delon slips into a dark alleyway where the others are waiting. They exposit that the Brise is probably being watched and Ferai is presumably headed there (unless she just buggered off, which is entirely possible), and that they Jutes are probably also looking for Alos.
I guess this is how we justify kidnapping Alos again.
Samurai Chick reveals that she followed him when he slipped away last night, and that he's at the Foaming Prow, a dockside tavern. How convenient. In about half a page, Our Heroes find the aforementioned tavern, send Delon in, and leave with a passed-out Alos over Delon's shoulder. Also, Samurai Chick is "yellow;" did you know that? \~/
The reach the dock, only to notice eight Jutes waiting around the Brise. Samurai Chick decoys them, there's a fight, and Ferai shows up at just the right time throwing daggers at the Jutes. Also, Samurai Chick reminds us that the Jutes "are skulkers, sent to kill us," so that makes their merciless slaughter all right. There's also the strangely suggestive description of how the Jutes "began to spread wide to take this yellow woman from all sides." \~/
Everyone boards the Brise and we sail out of this chapter.
Drinks: 24
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