FailGuide

__NOEDITSECTION__
__TOC__
== The Estoc ==
Other names: 	none
Damage type: 	puncture, slash
Description: 	The estoc is a fairly unique sword in that it's blade is a diamond section with no cutting edge, rather than the normal flat blade. Estocs are used primarily as a thrusting weapon.
See what they did there?
== Natural Selection ==
 Vyrshkana gestures.
 
 Dozens of long thorns suddenly grow out from the ground underneath Vyrshkana! Several of the thorns jab into her!
 ... hits for 31 points of damage!
 ... 35 points of damage!
 Blow shatters knee and severs lower leg!
 Vyrshkana screams and falls to the ground grasping her mangled right leg!
 She is stunned!
 ... hits for 18 points of damage!
 ... 30 points of damage!
 Amazing shot through Vyrshkana's nose enters the brain!
 
 * Vyrshkana drops dead at your feet!
== Warchief... win? ==
 
 You attempt to move silently into the warchief's hut.
 
 [Warcamp, Warchief's Hut]
 Captured banners and the heads of the men they once belonged to ring the walls of the warchief's hut. A throne is situated in the center of the room in the forefront of a rack displaying trophies of war, some rotting, some not. The remains of meals and broken tankards litter the ground, staining luxuriant captured rugs strewn across the floor of the hut. Several grotesque piles of body parts are scattered across the tent. You also see a Grimswarm giant warchief.
 Obvious exits: out
 Roundtime: 1 sec.
 
 >aim left leg
 >stance offensive
 >ambush
 
 You're now aiming at the left leg of your target when using a ranged weapon, or while ambushing.
 You are now in an offensive stance.
 You leap from hiding to attack!
 You punch with a perfect invar katar at a Grimswarm giant warchief!
 AS: +606 vs DS: +349 with AvD: +25 + d100 roll: +35 = +317
 ... and hit for 57 points of damage!
 Strike pierces calf!
 The giant warchief is knocked to the ground!
 The guiding force leaves you.
 All of a sudden, a Grimswarm giant warchief rolls hard to his side, and then leaps to his feet!
 You punch with a perfect invar katar at a Grimswarm giant warchief!
 AS: +545 vs DS: +360 with AvD: +25 + d100 roll: +56 = +266
 ... and hit for 41 points of damage!
 Downward slash across the giant warchief's left thigh!
 Gouges bone!
 A Grimswarm giant warchief falls to the ground grasping his mangled left leg!
 The scintillating red light surrounding the katar fades some.
 Roundtime: 6 sec.
 
 >cman vanish
 With subtlety and speed, you aim to clandestinely vanish into the shadows.
 You attempt to blend with the surroundings and feel confident that no one has noticed your doing so.
 
 >aim head
 You're now aiming at the head of your target when using a ranged weapon, or while ambushing.
 
 >stance offensive
 >ambush
 You are now in an offensive stance.
 
 You leap from hiding to attack!
 You punch with a perfect invar katar at a Grimswarm giant warchief!
 AS: +531 vs DS: +272 with AvD: +25 + d100 roll: +22 = +306
 ... and hit for 63 points of damage!
 Hard blow to the giant warchief's ear!
 Deep gash and a terrible headache!
 You punch with a perfect invar katar at a Grimswarm giant warchief!
 AS: +545 vs DS: +294 with AvD: +25 + d100 roll: +26 = +302
 ... and hit for 57 points of damage!
 Slashing blow to chest knocks the giant warchief back a few paces!
 The scintillating red light surrounding the katar fades some.
 Roundtime: 6 sec.
 
 >cman vanish
 You are beginning to feel a little fatigued.
 With subtlety and speed, you aim to clandestinely vanish into the shadows.
 You attempt to blend with the surroundings and feel confident that no one has noticed your doing so.
 
 >aim neck
 You're now aiming at the neck of your target when using a ranged weapon, or while ambushing.
 
 A Grimswarm giant warchief searches around nervously.
 
 A Grimswarm giant warchief glances around, sure that he has missed something...
 
 >stance offensive
 >ambush
 
 You leap from hiding to attack!
 You punch with a perfect invar katar at a Grimswarm giant warchief!
 AS: +531 vs DS: +265 with AvD: +25 + d100 roll: +63 = +354
 ... and hit for 59 points of damage!
 Strong slash to throat nicks a few blood vessels.
 You punch with a perfect invar katar at a Grimswarm giant warchief!
 AS: +545 vs DS: +259 with AvD: +25 + d100 roll: +91 = +402
 ... and hit for 81 points of damage!
 Damaging strike to chest, several ribs shattered!
 The scintillating red light surrounding the katar fades some.
 Roundtime: 6 sec.
 
 >stance offensive
 >mstrike target
 
 You are now in an offensive stance.
 You concentrate intently, focusing all your energies.
 You explode into a fury of strikes and ripostes, moving with a singular purpose and will!
 You punch with a perfect invar katar at a Grimswarm giant warchief!
 AS: +531 vs DS: +321 with AvD: +25 + d100 roll: +90 = +325
 ... and hit for 45 points of damage!
 Gash to the giant warchief's left eyebrow.
 That's going to be quite a shiner!
 You punch with a perfect invar katar at a Grimswarm giant warchief!
 AS: +545 vs DS: +321 with AvD: +25 + d100 roll: +73 = +322
 ... and hit for 50 points of damage!
 Strike pierces thigh!
 
 ** As you hit, your katar flares with a burst of fire! **
 ... 1 point of damage!
 Minor burns to right eye. Foe blinks back the tears.
 The scintillating red light surrounding the katar fades some.
 You punch with a perfect invar katar at a Grimswarm giant warchief!
 AS: +531 vs DS: +310 with AvD: +25 + d100 roll: +91 = +337
 ... and hit for 51 points of damage!
 Slash to the giant warchief's shield arm!
 Shears off a thin layer of skin!
 You punch with a perfect invar katar at a Grimswarm giant warchief!
 AS: +545 vs DS: +310 with AvD: +25 + d100 roll: +59 = +319
 ... and hit for 51 points of damage!
 Nice puncture to the abdomen, just missed vital organs!
 The scintillating red light surrounding the katar fades some.
 You punch with a perfect invar katar at a Grimswarm giant warchief!
 AS: +531 vs DS: +310 with AvD: +25 + d100 roll: +69 = +315
 ... and hit for 50 points of damage!
 Strike to the chest breaks a rib!
 You punch with a perfect invar katar at a Grimswarm giant warchief!
 AS: +545 vs DS: +310 with AvD: +25 + d100 roll: +61 = +321
 ... and hit for 51 points of damage!
 Smooth slash to the giant warchief's hip!
 Nice crunching sound.
 The scintillating red light surrounding the katar fades some.
 You punch with a perfect invar katar at a Grimswarm giant warchief!
 AS: +531 vs DS: +310 with AvD: +25 + d100 roll: +20 = +266
 ... and hit for 41 points of damage!
 Banged the giant warchief's right shin.
 That'll raise a good welt.
 
 You are unable to find an opening for your lefthand strike.
 
 Your series of strikes and ripostes leaves you winded and out of position.
 Roundtime: 5 sec.
 
 >stance defensive
 >hide
 
 You are now in a defensive stance.
 Roundtime: 2 sec.
 You attempt to blend with the surroundings and feel confident that no one has noticed your doing so.
 
 >aim left eye
 >stance offensive
 You're now aiming at the left eye of your target when using a ranged weapon, or while ambushing.
 
 A Grimswarm giant warchief searches around nervously.
 
 A Grimswarm giant warchief glances around, sure that he has missed something...
 
 >ambush
 You are now in an offensive stance.
 You leap from hiding to attack!
 You punch with a perfect invar katar at a Grimswarm giant warchief!
 AS: +531 vs DS: +180 with AvD: +25 + d100 roll: +51 = +427
 ... and hit for 75 points of damage!
 Strike pierces gall bladder!
 That's gotta hurt!
 You punch with a perfect invar katar at a Grimswarm giant warchief!
 AS: +545 vs DS: +171 with AvD: +25 + d100 roll: +82 = +481
 ... and hit for 90 points of damage!
 Slashing blow to chest knocks the giant warchief back a few paces!
 The scintillating red light surrounding the katar fades some.
 Roundtime: 6 sec.
 
 >incant 117
 >hide
 
 You form a rapid series of hand seals as particles of spiritual energy begin to manifest around you.
 Your spell is ready.
 You gesture.
 An invisible force guides you.
 Cast Roundtime 3 Seconds.
 Roundtime: 2 sec.
 
 You attempt to blend with the surroundings and feel confident that no one has noticed your doing so.
 
 >aim right eye
 You feel recovered from your whirlwind flurry of strikes.
 A Grimswarm giant warchief sits up and begins to apply some crude first aid to himself.
 You're now aiming at the right eye of your target when using a ranged weapon, or while ambushing.
 
 >stance offensive
 >ambush
 You are now in an offensive stance.
 
 You leap from hiding to attack!
 You punch with a perfect invar katar at a Grimswarm giant warchief!
 AS: +606 vs DS: +156 with AvD: +25 + d100 roll: +54 = +529
 ... and hit for 104 points of damage!
 Strike to right arm shatters elbow and severs forearm!
 The warchief's flail falls to the ground.
 
 [You have completed your current society task.]
 [You have earned 95 prestige points.]
 The giant warchief falls to the ground and dies.
 The guiding force leaves you.
 Roundtime: 5 sec.
Success!
== Emote Fail ==
 (Philnia slides her foot under the drake dagger and kicks it up, catching it in her head)
 >
 Speaking to Philnia, Delcian says, "Imagine how I feel having to hurt...and beat one I respect so much."
 >
 Philnia picks up a drake dagger.
== Hyphen Fail ==
 You remove a vultite-edged mithglin-edged whip-blade from in your tanik strongbox.
== Must Rest? Meet Void ==
 >se
 [The Rift]
 A forest of large trees stretches in all directions. Their bark is an ashen grey, and their leaves almost glow crimson in the dim light. Tied to each tree is a man, arms over his head and bound tightly against the rough bark. Each man is alive, if only barely, emaciated and weak from lack of food or water. Every head is bowed, awaiting the sacrifice each knows he must make.
 Obvious paths: southeast, northwest
 >se
 [The Rift]
 A huge cliff looms before you, stretching far into the sky above. About halfway up the face an immense red-skinned man rides the air currents, flapping his leathery wings to hold his position. On the wall next to him are crude columns made of bodies impaled to the wall, each column topped off with a different type of weapon resting on rough hooks. You also see a swirling black void and a swirling black void.
 Obvious exits: south, northwest
 >s
 The black void twists and bends the light around it, sucking it away into nothingness!
 
 The black void has almost sucked all air out of the area!
 
 Air is sucked away from you!
 ... 30 points of damage!
 Massive decompression causes head to erupt in an explosion of brain and bone! Messy!
 You feel the extra courage wane.
 The deep blue glow leaves you.
 The silvery luminescence fades from around you.
 The layer of protection fades away.
 
 It seems you have died, my friend. Although you cannot do anything, you are keenly aware of what is going on around you...
 
 You mentally give a sigh of relief as you remember that the Goddess Lorminstra owes you a favor.
 
 ...departing in 20 mins...
 >
 * The death cry of Raidek echoes in your mind!
 
 You are a ghost! You must wait until someone resurrects you, or you decay. Either way, it won't be long now! (HELP for more details). 
== Epic Whiff ==
 You are still a bit winded from your last flurry of attacks, but you focus to push the strain in your muscles from your mind.
 You concentrate intently, focusing all your energies.
 You explode into a fury of strikes and ripostes, moving with a singular purpose and will!
 You punch with a glossy black steel katar at a half-elven thug!
 The half-elven thug evades the attack by a hair!
 You punch with a glossy black steel katar at a half-elven thug!
 At the last moment, the half-elven thug blocks the attack with his shield!
 You punch with a glossy black steel katar at a half-elven thug!
 In the nick of time, the half-elven thug interposes his reinforced shield between himself and the attack!
 You punch with a glossy black steel katar at a half-elven thug!
 Amazingly, the half-elven thug manages to block the attack with his shield!
 You punch with a glossy black steel katar at a half-elven thug!
 Amazingly, the half-elven thug manages to block the attack with his shield!
 You punch with a glossy black steel katar at a half-elven thug!
 The half-elven thug evades the attack by a hair!
 You punch with a glossy black steel katar at a half-elven thug!
 The half-elven thug evades the attack by inches!
 You punch with a glossy black steel katar at a half-elven thug!
 The half-elven thug moves at the last moment to evade the attack!
 
 Your series of strikes and ripostes leaves you winded and out of position.
 Roundtime: 5 sec.
 
 You exclaim, "Sweet Baby Koar's balled fist!"
== Magistrate Fail ==
 A halfling magistrate just came down the rutted trail, following you.
 >
 A half-elven brigand springs from the shadows and strikes at you!
 [Roll result: 155 (open d100: 81)]
 A half-elven brigand delivers a blow to your head with his broadsword!
 ...7 damage!
 You are stunned!
 You are dazed!
 Roundtime: 6 sec.
 >
 A gnomish outlaw leaps out of his hiding place!
 A gnomish outlaw swings a longsword at you!
 AS: +426 vs DS: +466 with AvD: +43 + d100 roll: +36 = +39
 A clean miss.
 >
 A half-elven brigand swings a broadsword at you!
 You lurch to the side, yet evade the attack by a wide margin!
 >
 A gnomish outlaw turns to a halfling magistrate and bellows, "YAAAGH!"
 
 A gnomish outlaw swings a longsword at a halfling magistrate!
 AS: +426 vs DS: +196 with AvD: +41 + d100 roll: +35 = +306
 ... and hits for 128 points of damage!
 Shot to back shatters bone and vertebrae!
 The magistrate falls to the ground, dead!
 
 [You have failed your current Adventurer's Guild task.]
 A gnomish outlaw laughs in victory!
 He roots through a halfling magistrate's pockets and takes some silver coins. With an evil grin, he pulls out a belt pouch and stashes away his ill-gotten gain.
 >stance guarded
 >prep 410
 >cast
 You are still stunned.
FML.
== Official Fail ==
 >go hut
 [Warcamp, Captive's Hut]
 The air inside the hut is a stagnant, unbreathable stench formed by the presence of sweat, blood, death, and feces. Light cut through cracks in the walls, illuminating little,
 serving as a cruel reminder of a world those prisoners within once belonged to. What floor is visible is soiled and serves as at least one source of the rancid air and is composed 
 of parts and pieces of former prisoners ground into the soil by more recent victims of the Grimswarm. 
 You also see a Grimswarm giant destroyer, a Grimswarm giant fighter, a battle-scarred Grimswarm giant huntmaster and a door leading out.
 Obvious exits: none
 >
 As you enter, a roughed-up dwarven official comes out of a darkened corner, looks you over carefully, and exclaims, "At last! I knew that they hadn't forgotten about me! I take
 it that you've come to rescue me? If you want me to FOLLOW you now, just TELL me!"
 >
 A battle-scarred Grimswarm giant huntmaster swings a morning star at a roughed-up dwarven official!
 AS: +578 vs DS: +205 with AvD: +33 + d100 roll: +5 = +411
 ... and hits for 182 points of damage!
 Perfect strike to abdomen. The dwarven official howls in pain and drops quite dead!
 The official falls to the ground, dead!
 [You have failed your current society task.]
 The guiding force leaves a battle-scarred Grimswarm giant huntmaster
Whoops.
== Cloak of Shadows Fail ==
Fresh four hour spell up? Lets do this!
 You leap from hiding to attack!
 You punch with a glossy black vultite katar at a Grimswarm troll guard!
 AS: +598 vs DS: +469 with AvD: +40 + d100 roll: +59 = +228
 ... and hit for 44 points of damage!
 Fast slash to the troll guard's neck exposes her windpipe.
 Quick anatomy lesson, anyone?
 The troll guard is stunned!
 A dark shadowy tendril rises up from a Grimswarm troll guard, writhes its way up a glossy black vultite katar towards you and lashes out malevolently...
 The glowing specks of energy surrounding you suddenly shoot off in all directions, then quickly fade away.
 The elemental aura around you wavers.
 The guiding force leaves you.
 You punch with a glossy black vultite katar at a Grimswarm troll guard!
 AS: +512 vs DS: +449 with AvD: +40 + d100 roll: +24 = +127
 ... and hit for 6 points of damage!
 Blow slides along the ribs.
 Probably tickles.
 A dark shadowy tendril rises up from a Grimswarm troll guard, writhes its way up a glossy black vultite katar towards you and lashes out malevolently...
 You become solid again.
 Roundtime: 6 sec.
Well, thats two spells gone... lets take care of that cloak of shadows.
 >incant 417
 You whisper in an ancient dialect as a mirage of distorted heat radiates from your form.
 Your spell is ready.
 You gesture at a Grimswarm troll guard.
 A Grimswarm troll guard glances around, looking a bit less confident.
 The elemental aura around a Grimswarm troll guard wavers.
 Cast Roundtime 3 Seconds.
Damn it.
 >incant 119
 You form a rapid series of hand seals as particles of spiritual energy begin to manifest around you.
 Your spell is ready.
 You gesture at a Grimswarm troll guard.
 The deep blue glow leaves a Grimswarm troll guard.
 The hazy film around a Grimswarm troll guard fluxes chaotically!
 ... 25 points of damage!
 Searing blast of energy to hip spins the troll guard around!
 The troll guard is stunned!
 Cast Roundtime 3 Seconds.
Damn?
 >incant 417
 You whisper in an ancient dialect as a mirage of distorted heat radiates from your form.
 Your spell is ready.
 You gesture at a Grimswarm troll guard.
 The brilliant luminescence fades from around a Grimswarm troll guard.
 The elemental aura around a Grimswarm troll guard wavers.
 Cast Roundtime 3 Seconds.
Alright, three fails is enough...
 You leap from hiding to attack!
 You punch with a glossy black vultite katar at a Grimswarm troll guard!
 AS: +517 vs DS: +399 with AvD: +40 + d100 roll: +28 = +186
 ... and hit for 49 points of damage!
 Strike punctures thigh and shatters femur!
 The troll guard is stunned!
 A dark shadowy tendril rises up from a Grimswarm troll guard, writhes its way up a glossy black vultite katar towards you and lashes out malevolently...
 The brilliant luminescence fades from around you.
 The elemental aura around you wavers.
 You punch with a glossy black vultite katar at a Grimswarm troll guard!
 AS: +517 vs DS: +394 with AvD: +40 + d100 roll: +20 = +183
 ... and hit for 49 points of damage!
 Deft strike to the back cracks vertebrae!
 A dark shadowy tendril rises up from a Grimswarm troll guard, writhes its way up a glossy black vultite katar towards you and lashes out malevolently...
 The bright luminescence fades from around you.
 Roundtime: 6 sec.
Hitting what you're aiming for is overrated anyway. Whats two more spells?
 >incant 119
 You form a rapid series of hand seals as particles of spiritual energy begin to manifest around you.
 Your spell is ready.
 You gesture at a Grimswarm troll guard.
 The dull golden nimbus fades from around a Grimswarm troll guard.
 A hazy film coats a Grimswarm troll guard.
 Cast Roundtime 3 Seconds.
Meh...
 You leap from hiding to attack!
 You punch with a glossy black vultite katar at a Grimswarm troll guard!
 AS: +517 vs DS: +292 with AvD: +40 + d100 roll: +39 = +304
 ... and hit for 81 points of damage!
 Awesome shot shatters ribs and punctures lung!
 A dark shadowy tendril rises up from a Grimswarm troll guard, writhes its way up a glossy black vultite katar towards you and lashes out malevolently...
 The silvery luminescence fades from around you.
 You punch with a glossy black vultite katar at a Grimswarm troll guard!
 AS: +517 vs DS: +292 with AvD: +40 + d100 roll: +9 = +274
 ... and hit for 74 points of damage!
 Shot shatters hip and severs left leg!
 A dark shadowy tendril rises up from a Grimswarm troll guard, writhes its way up a glossy black vultite katar towards you and lashes out malevolently...
 You feel less confident than before.
 Roundtime: 6 sec.
...and two more.
 You leap from hiding to attack!
 You punch with a glossy black vultite katar at a Grimswarm troll guard!
 AS: +490 vs DS: +310 with AvD: +40 + d100 roll: +2 = +222
 ... and hit for 42 points of damage!
 Neck skewered, sliding past the throat and spine! That looks painful.
 The troll guard is stunned!
 A dark shadowy tendril rises up from a Grimswarm troll guard, writhes its way up a glossy black vultite katar towards you and lashes out malevolently...
 The tingling sensation and sense of security leaves you.
 The elemental aura around you wavers.
 You punch with a glossy black vultite katar at a Grimswarm troll guard!
 AS: +490 vs DS: +292 with AvD: +40 + d100 roll: +67 = +305
 ... and hit for 106 points of damage!
 Quick, powerful slash!
 The troll guard's chest is ripped open!
 [You have earned 55 prestige points.]
 The troll guard rolls over and dies.
 The guiding force leaves a Grimswarm troll guard.
 A shadow seems to detach itself from a Grimswarm troll guard, swiftly dissipating into the air.
 The bright luminescence fades from around a Grimswarm troll guard.
 The air calms down around a Grimswarm troll guard.
 Roundtime: 6 sec.
FML.
Category:Humor