Hop (2011)/Transcript

Fred: You're looking at the many noble rabbits who have served as the Easter bunny. If you've ever gotten a basket of candy and colored eggs on Easter morning, well, you have them to thank. Yes, even that guy. 
See, every bunny dreams of holding the title, but not just anyone can do it. You have to be majestic. You have to be dignified. You have to be, well, a bunny. Or, at least you did. 
Hi, I'm Fred O'Hare, the first human Easter bunny. Sounds insane, you say? It'll make sense once you know how it all went down. 
(playing drums)
Easter Bunny (Mr. Bunny): E.B? E.B? Where are you? 
E.B: Hi, dad! Woo-hoo!
Mr. Bunny: Oh! There you are. Son! I was thinking. You are getting so big, you're practically a foot tall. 
E.B: Over a foot, if you count the ears. 
Mr. Bunny: I always count the ears.
(laughs)
Mr. Bunny: So, how would you like to go to work with me today?
E.B: Would I? That sounds awesome.
Mr. Bunny: I said the same thing when my father first took me to the factory. I didn't use the word "awesome", but... down, please.
(elevator bell dings)
Mr. Bunny: Thank you. Go ahead, son. Take a look.
E.B: Woah! 
Look at all that candy.
This is so cool!
Mr. Bunny: Oh, careful! E.B, welcome to the Easter factory. This is where we make all the candy and eggs that I deliver to the children of the world. It's pretty impressive, isn't it?
E.B: It's amazing, dad!
Mr. Bunny: I'm glad you like it, because someday this will all be yours.
E.B: Really?
Mr. Bunny: Now, come on, son. There's so much to see. 
E.B: Daddy, what do you call that thingamajig?
Mr. Bunny: Ah, the marshmallow chick machine. Loved it since I was your age. When your grand-dad, the Easter bunny before me, took me on this very same tour...
E.B: (mouth full) Hello.
Carlos: Hello, little bunny. What are you doing?! We don't eat the candy. We make the candy!
E.B: But, I thought...
Mr. Bunny: E.B, this is my second-in-command, Carlos. It's fine, Carlos. E.B was, uh... taste-testing. Isn't that right, son?
E.B: Yup, I'm taste-testing. It's great.
Mr. Bunny: Oh, dear me. No, no, Son, we're going to have to work on your taste. Carlos, too much marsh, not enough mallow. 
Carlos: Exactly, senor, I was just going to say that. 
Phil! Too much marsh, not enough mallow!
Phil! Phil!!
Phil: Oh, hi, boss.
Carlos: No dancing on the job. It's forbidden.
Phil: Yes, sir. I'm very bad.
Carlos: I am so sorry, senor. I will deal with this personally. 
Mr. Bunny: Yes, well, Easter is right around the corner, Carlos. There is no room for error.
Carlos: Si, senor. 
Mr. Bunny: Remember this, E.B. We can't make any mistakes. The entire world is counting on us.
E.B: That seems hard, dad. And I don't know if I could do it.
Mr. Bunny: Oh, come now. Don't you worry, son. Yes, it's a big responsibility, but you'll be ready. You'll have to be. Why, in a few years you will pick up the Egg of Destiny and receive the magical powers of the Easter bunny. Now, let's move on. 
E.B: Bye, Carlos.
Carlos: Okay, ciao, See you later. Enjoy your life of privilege, little bunny. 
Henry: So, how are my kids doing?
Alex: I had rehearsals for the Easter play today.
Henry: Oh.
Alex: They usually cast a boy as Peter Cottontail, but they made an exception for me on account of my singing voice is so strong.
Henry: That's great, honey. Sam, how about you?
Sam: (clears throat) Well, I'm up for a big promotion at work. 
Henry: Really? That's terrific. Good to hear that two of my kids are working so hard... so, Fred.
Fred: Mm.
Henry: How did that job interview go?
Fred: I don't know about that place, dad. I just don't know if it's really what I'm looking for.
Henry: Really? Did they pay money? Then it's exactly what you've been looking for.
Fred: Well, that's just crass. 
What are you nodding for?
Bonnie: (clears throat) "Dear Fred, as your mother I have always loved you, and it hurts me to have to tell you in this way, but there comes a time when every young man must grow up and leave the nest."
Fred: You all prepared statements?
Henry: Fred, we're just doing this because we love you, son. 
Bonnie: The Sadeki family down the street went through the same thing with their son Jordy. He just laid on the couch all day watching court shows, but then they had an intervention, and now he works in a pharmacy, and has an apartment.
Fred: I don't really want to work at a pharmacy, mom.
Henry: Well, you need to do something. You need to get a life. You need to get a life and you need to move out. Especially that last one. 
Fred: But I did move out. And I had a job. Is it my fault the company downsized?
Henry: Fred, that was over a year ago! You have to get back on the horse.
Bonnie: And you have so much potential.
Fred: Thanks, mom.
Alex: Sometimes I think you adopted me because Fred was such a disappointment. 
Fred: Wow,
Henry: Alex, that is a very hurtful statement. 
Alex: You're not denying it.
Bonnie: Eat your dinner. 
Fred: Mom, dad, I'm trying, okay? I go on job interviews. I had one today!
Henry: Yes, but it wasn't what you were looking for. It's always something. You didn't like the commute. The parking lot was too far away from the building. 
Fred: Yeah!
Henry: The man in the cubicle next to you smelled. 
Fred: He smelled. 
Henry: Fred, nothing is ever good enough for you.
Fred: You don't want me to settle, do you?
Bonnie: Settling is fine.
Fred: 'Kay, dad, when I was a kid, you said when I grew up I was going to do something great.
Henry: Yes, But now I'm telling you that you should forget about "great" and settle for getting any job.
Bonnie: We should have nudged you out of the nest a long time ago.
Henry: Baby birds get a nudge. Giant birds who never leave? They get shoved. 
(The Anthem by Good Charlotte plays)
Mr. Bunny: E.B! E.B!
E.B: Oh, hello, dad. So, what do you think? 
Mr. Bunny: Uh, what did I... it was great! Really... really kicking. But, E.B, shouldn't you be rehearsing your speech? You're about to be crowned the Easter bunny in front of three thousand of your peers. 
E.B: Um, yeah, about that...
Mr. Bunny: Yes?
E.B: Look, dad. (clears throat) Ever since I was yea big, it's been, "the Easter bunny wouldn't do that" and, "the Easter bunny has to be perfect." But I'm not perfect.
Mr. Bunny: I know that, son. But you'll get there, eventually. 
E.B: But I'm... listen. You want me to be this. But maybe I'm not this. Just maybe, maybe I'm this.
Mr. Bunny: A sock? (sniffs) Ugh, 
E.B: Yeah, that's right. I might be a metaphorical sock. I might not be a good enough egg, but I might be the best sock ever. I might not cut it delivering Easter baskets, but I might be great at something else. 
Mr. Bunny: Oh, the drums! Why, I think that's fine. I think it's really nice that you have a hobby. Everyone should have a hobby.
E.B: It's not a hobby, dad. I wanna drum in a band. I want to see the world. 
Mr. Bunny: E.B, the Easter bunny sees the world. Every country in one night, making the people of the world happy. 
E.B: Really, dad? The whole world? What about China?
(woman yelling in Mandarin)
Mr. Bunny: No! Look, it's candy, woman! Madam, please. 
Alright, we haven't cracked China yet, but for all those who do believe, you will be there.
E.B: No, dad! I don't want to be the Easter bunny!
Mr. Bunny: Now, listen to me. Four thousand years of tradition doesn't end just because one selfish bunny doesn't feel like doing it.
E.B: Look, dad.
Mr. Bunny: No, E.B, you look! You are going to be the Easter bunny! You need to get it together, get rid of these drums, and get your priorities straight. I'll see you out there. 
E.B: No, I don't think you will. 
Destination: where dreams come true. In-flight snack preference. Any baggage? Just emotional. 
I'm sorry, dad.
(whooping)
(grunts)
Ow! I did it. Hollywood. 
Right. First order of business, find a place to stay... ah, perfect. 
Sam: Fred, wait wait wait! Fred. 
Fred: Did you know about this, Sam? 
Sam: Oh, uh...
Fred: You did.
Sam: Okay, look. The rules of this intervention state that I am not supposed to help you, okay? So you can't tell anyone what I'm about to do. 
Fred: No, I'm not going to take money from you. 
Sam: Wasn't going to give you money. 
Fred: We can call it a loan.
Sam: Fred, look, I got you a job interview tomorrow at my friend's company. 
Fred: I'm a little slammed tomorrow. 
Sam: I know you're not. 
Fred: I'm pretty busy.
Sam: No. Look, it's an entry-level position. 
Fred: Entry-level?
Sam: At a video game company!
Fred: ... okay, that's kinda cool.
Sam: I know. 
Fred: All right, look, if it means that much to you, then I'll swing by. 
Sam: No, Fred. You don't "swing by". Okay? You shower, you shave, and you show up! The three "shs." Come on, Fred, you've got to start your life. Think of this as a reboot.
Fred: Right!
Sam: It's time.
Fred: Yeah, you know what? You're right. In a couple of months, couple of weeks, you're going to see a whole new Fred. Yeah. By Easter. Easter is in two weeks. By Easter, I'm going to have a new job, a new place, a new life. 
Sam: Great!
Fred: Okay. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go sleep in my car.
Sam: Fred, listen. My boss is on vacation for a few weeks and he asked me to house-sit. 
Fred: Nobody ever asks me to house-sit.
Sam: I know. It's so weird. Anyway, he has dogs, and you know I'm scared of dogs, so take over for me.
Fred: Wait, you're boss lives in a big mansion, right?
Sam: Yes, in Beverly Hills. And he loves his house more than he loves his kids. So you have to behave, okay? Do not touch anything. Do not break anything. Do not go upstairs!
Fred: Wait, what's upstairs?
Sam: Fred.
Fred: Okay.
Sam: And don't forget to feed the dogs.
Fred: Got it. Thank you, Sam. 
Sam: You're welcome. I put the address on the paper. 
Fred: Okay. 
Sam: But, Fred?
Fred: Yeah?
Sam: If you screw up, I'll kill you.
Fred: (awkward laugh) Okay.
Hugh Hefner: Listen to me. This is the Playboy Mansion. It's not a hotel.
E.B: Yeah, right. But it says here that ever since 1971 the Playboy Mansion has been the home to sexy bunnies from around the world. 
Hugh Hefner: Friend, I can't see you. Please step forward.
E.B: Now, I'm telling you I am both a bunny and incredibly sexy. 
Hugh Hefner: I don't have time for this. 
E.B: Hello? Hello? Maybe this is the rags part of my rags-to-riches story. 
(Every Rose Has its Thorn by Poison plays)
Fred: All right, let's see here. Broadway Terrace. Whoa! Look at this! Hello, Fred's new crib. 
E.B: Maybe this is a good thing. All great artists suffer before they become famous. That lady wrote Harry Potter in a ditch. But it's the hunger, the loneliness and exhaustion that gets you, really. How could this night get any worse? 
I see. Car accident. Thank you!
(thud)
Ow! Why? 
Oh, ow!
Fred: It's still alive. I've got to help him out. This will do. Don'y you worry, little friend. I'm going to end your suffering.
E.B: No! 
Fred: Who said that?
E.B: Well, who do you think said it? Your latest victim. You know what? We could leave the insurance companies out of this. I could just, maybe, come live with you for a couple of months. 
Fred: (gasps) 
(screaming)
No, no, no! Not real. Not real. Not real. Not real!
(panting)
E.B: Excuse me!
Fred: (exclaims)
E.B: You left your car back there, with the lights on. I'm just saying!
Fred: Say something. Talk again. 
E.B: I'm E.B. And you are?
Fred: I'm Fred.
E.B: Well, Fred, I am so hungry. Have you got anything in the old snack department?
Fred: Uh... okay, here you go.
E.B: Oh! Oh! That's... (exclaims in disgust) what is this?!
Fred: What? It's turkey jerky. 
E.B: First you hit me with your car, and then you try and poison me with a meat stick. Why do you hate me?
Fred: Okay. Is there something you'd rather eat, you weird little thing?
E.B: Well...
Fred: Carrots!
E.B: (sarcastically) Oh, he's a genius. 
Fred: One carrot. Okay. Time to hop away out of Fred's life back to the enchanted forest. 
E.B: You're kicking me out? 
Fred: Yeah, yeah. It's a not a... it's a bad time.
E.B: Oh yeah, did some jerk just hit you with his car? That kind of bad time? No, I'll tell you what. It's fine. Oh, me leg. Ow. I mean, you can't be expected to help every innocent creature you wound. And I'm sorry if I dented your bumper with my face and body. 
Fred: Do you want me to look for some baby aspirin?
E.B: No, no! You save it. You might run over a baby. Just pray that sweet messenger of death visits quickly. Is that the icy hand now?
Fred: Okay, wait! On the off-chance that, you know, you're really here and I'm not completely crazy, and I did run you over and you're hurt... I guess... you can stay. 
E.B: Thanks, mate. And I could bunk down anywhere. Seriously. West wing, master suite, guest bedroom. I'm not picky. 
Right, okay. What's this space, then?
Fred: This is a place for you to stay...
E.B: Oh.
Fred: ...for the night.
E.B: I'm not a car. So why would I need to stay here?
Fred: Look, it's not my house. I'm not even allowed to go upstairs, and I'm human. 
E.B: Sorry, what are the newspapers for? Because I'm not really a voracious reader or anything. 
Fred: You know, you're an animal. So, we all know animals... 
E.B: I understand. I'll just sleep down here, among my poo and pee like a pig. If you like, you use it as well. 
Fred: Sorry. 
E.B: No, don't reproach yourself for these medieval conditions. 
Fred: Yeah, whatever. I'm going to go to bed where, hopefully, I've been all along. So, good night. 
E.B: Oh, okay, I'll just stay here then. By myself. In the dark. With the door closed. (sighs) 
Carlos: Senor. Senor, I have news. Operations are running at full capacity. With my supervision, we are right on target for Easter. 
Mr. Bunny: Fine, fine. But is there any report on my son? 
Carlos: Yes, I have the report. The son will be shining, foggy times are lifting. Easter will be clear sailing, senor. 
Mr. Bunny: Not the sun. My son, E.B!
Carlos: That son. Yes. I almost forget. The rabbit hole was used for an unscheduled trip earlier this evening, sir!
Mr. Bunny: What? You mean he ran away?
Carlos: And at the height of our busiest time. It's almost unforgivable. 
Mr. Bunny: But how could he just take off like this? It's just not like him.
Carlos: Please, senor. Don't be too rash. It's way too early to disown him. 
Mr. Bunny: But I wasn't going to... wait a minute. Are you hopping?
Carlos: Am I? I didn't notice. It just comes so naturally. 
Anyway, senor, considering your obvious distraction with this, wouldn't it be wise to pass the mantle to, I don't know, somebody else? 
Mr. Bunny: Hmm... 
Carlos: Let's see. It would have to be someone you trust. Someone who is comfortable giving orders. 
Phil! Keep doing that, but do it faster!
Phil: Faster. Gotcha.
Carlos: And stop dancing!
Phil: No dancing. Yes, sir. 
Mr. Bunny: Carlos, you're right.
Carlos: I'm totally right.
Mr. Bunny: Assemble the Pink Berets at once!
Carlos: I'm sorry, what? 
Mr. Bunny: We need to find E.B.
Carlos: The Pink Berets? But they're only to be used in a situation of extreme emergency.
Mr. Bunny: This is pretty extreme, Carlos. The Pink Berets will find E.B. They have to!
Carlos: You can't ignore me forever, senor bunny.
(pop song plays)
(rabbit exclaims)
(sneezes)
(exclaims)
(sighs)
Freeze!
(beeping)
(grunts)
(sniffing)
Hefner: Who's there? Is this the same guy? Don't make me come down there.
Pink Beret: (exclaims)
Man on radio: ...is blocked due to an overturned tractor trailer at the Burbank entrance. Weather is a cool 72 degrees... (radio turns off)
Fred: (sighs) Rabbit. 
Hello? Talking rabbit? (chuckles) Okay. Wow. Dude, you are stressed. 
Hi, Fred O'Hare. Hey, Fred O'Hare. Nice to meet you. I'm Fred O'Hare. You need me for this job. You're going to hire me for this job. 
(whistling) Oh! The dogs. Right. "Sam, until Daisy and Baby are accustomed to you, please wear the safety suit in the hall closet when you feed them." Safety suit?
Daisy! Baby! Come here. (clicking tongue) Let's go. I'm on a schedule here. 
Oh! (screaming) No! No! Heel! Sit! Sit! 
(sighs) That's fine. Okay, it's all good.
(Celebrity Skin by Hole playing)
Fred: No, no, no! (groaning)
E.B: Look, Fred! Can you believe it? They've got a drum kit in here. What do you think? Never had one formal lesson. I am the extreme rock master! I know what you're thinking. 
(music stops)
Fred: No, you really don't.
E.B: Hey, Fred, what's wrong? You look a bit put out. 
Fred: Why are you still here? You can't be up here. You're in the forbidden part of the house!
E.B: Yeah, but so are you.
Fred: Pick this up, man! You've destroyed the place! 
E.B: I wouldn't say "destroyed". Just getting comfortable. 
Fred: What about your injury? Huh? Your leg. You're hurt, right?
E.B: Yeah, exactly. I needed a soft bed in which to convalesce. 
Fred: Oh, I see. So you climbed a flight of stairs -- 
E.B: Struggled up each stair is more like it. Worth it, though. That jacuzzi loosened me right up.
Fred: Jacuzzi? (exclaims)
E.B: Oh, yeah, you might want to turn it off. It was creating a lot of bubbles. 
Fred: No!
(music resumes)
Fred: My sister is going to kill me!
E.B: Don't worry, we'll clean it up together, as soon as I've beat my high score. Hey, Fred. Come on, your turn. Pick up a guitar mate.
Fred, I think we got off on the wrong foot. You said some things. I flooded some things. Let's start over again. Fred? Why am I in a box? This seems like the sorta thing a serial killer might do. Is this going to be a surprise. 
Fred: Alright, come on. Out.
E.B: Oh, are we going for a hike. 
Fred: Better! We're releasing you into the wild. 
E.B: The wild? 
Oh, no, no, no. I'll just stay with you, I think. This place seems to be dominated by carnivores. 
Fred: Alright, come on. Get out. Let's go.
E.B: No! What are you doing? (gasps) You're going to leave me here?
Fred: There's lots of rabbits out here. You'll feel right at home. 
E.B: Fred, are we locked in a destructive relationship? 
Fred: Get out. 
E.B: Fred, you're making a scene!
Fred: Get out!
Move along. 
E.B: Look, Fred. Ow! 
Fred: Goodbye!
E.B: But I want to stay with you. Fred, please don't go.
Fred: I'm already late, so go away. 
E.B: Oh, come on, man. Fred, mate. I'll behave. I'll clean up my messes. I'll do the dishes. 
Fred: Not your problem. There's no dishes in the wild.
E.B: Look, Fred, but... I'm special!
Fred: Well, we're all special. 
E.B: You're not getting it. I don't mean special as in, "everybody's special." I mean, I'm really special! 
Fred: What are you doing?
E.B: See?
Fred: Jelly beans?
E.B: Mhm. 
Fred: So what? So you talk and poop candy. Can you do it someone else's life?
E.B: No, you're right. It's not your concern. And in two weeks, maybe you can explain to the children of the world why they didn't get their Easter baskets. 
Fred: Easter? What, Easter?
(flashback)
No way.
E.B: Oh yes, Fred. I am the Easter bunny.
Fred: Hop in.
Yes! I knew it, I knew it, I knew it. I knew you were real. I knew it.
E.B: What are you talking about? Of course I'm real. 
Fred: No... when I was a kid, I saw you on Easter morning. 
E.B: You did?
Fred: Yeah. That was you, right.
E.B: Absolutely. No question.
Fred: Okay. Because you do look a little different. Was it... I don't know, have you lost weight? Or maybe it's the clothes.
E.B: Oh, you're talking about the old guy. Yeah. We got rid of him. He didn't understand children. 
Fred: Ah.
E.B: He didn't get that children sometimes just want to drum... I mean, dream. Sometimes they just want to dream. Children dream. Yeah. So he had to go, anyway, this guy. (clears throat)
Fred: That's a good thing you got rid of him, then.
E.B: Exactly. 
Fred: So, wait a minute. Why are you here now?
E.B: Oh, just doing a little last minute recon for Easter deliveries. Finding ideal egg hiding locations. Oh! There's one, that's perfect. Compiling a list of children with chocolate allergies. That kinda thing. It's all very technical. 
Fred: I see. Okay. 
Oh man. I'm really late. 
E.B: Late for what? What are we doing?
Fred: I have a job interview. You're staying here. 
E.B: But here's boring. Let me come with you. I could be a job reference.
Fred: Thank you, I appreciate that. Look, I really need this job. And I don't think anyone in there is going to be able to handle you. I'm not sure I can handle you. So just do me a favor? Wait in the car. 
E.B: Fred, I don't want to get your hopes up, but I think you're definitely going to get this job. 
Fred: Be good.
E.B: Yes, sir. I'll stay here and guard the vehicle. 
Receptionist: UP Games. Yes, sir. I'll put you through to Mr. Hill. 
Fred: Hi, I'm Fred O'Hare. I'm here for the 10:30 with... Mrs. Beck. 
Receptionist: You're a half hour late. 
Fred: I know. I called.
Receptionist: That doesn't make you any earlier. 
Fred: Uh-huh. You know, you're the first impression people get when they walk in here. In many ways, you're the face of the company.
Receptionist: Fill this out. 
Fred: Yes, ma'am. 
(phone ringing)
Receptionist: UP Games. Yes, sir. Can I help you?
E.B: (snoring) 
(alarm blaring)
E.B: What is that alarming noise? Oh no. Pink Berets. (exclaims) (grunting)
Fred. 
Fred: What are you doing here? I told you to wait in the car. 
E.B: This is serious. I really need your help.
Fred: I need your help. You can't be here, you got to go! 
Mrs. Beck: Fred.
Fred: Yes. 
E.B: Ow! Get me out of here. 
Fred: (exhales) Ah. Mrs. Beck. 
Mrs. Beck: Yes.
Fred: How are you?
Beck: I'm well. I can't say that I'm that impressed with your punctuality, though. 
Fred: Yeah, I have half a dozen excuses. But I'm just going to go with a straight apology. I'm really, really sorry.
Beck: Okay. Clean slate then. 
Fred: Thank you.
Beck: So, let's begin, Fred. I'll show you inside. 
E.B: (grunting) Woah! 
Beck: So, recent employment history. You haven't worked in a year?
Fred: Yeah, my parents have moved in with me, so it's sort of a full-time job. 
Beck: Mhm.
Fred: It's fine, it just gets in the way of writing my novel is all.
Beck: Oh, you're writing a novel? What's that about?
Fred: It's about a crippled soldier who in the future goes to another planet. He becomes one of the indigenous people who are blue and live in the forest. 
Beck: That's not Avatar?
Fred: Not really. 
Beck: So, why don't we take a walk and I can tell you a little bit about the company.
Fred: Okay.
Beck: So the good news is we tend to promote from within. But you'd be starting in the mailroom.
Fred: Mailroom. 
Beck: Is that a problem?
Fred: No, no, I love mail. I get lots of mail. E-mail, snail mail, chain mail. I am male. (laughs)
Beck: Speaking of mail, that's Cody. Let me introduce you to him. He's being promoted to junior exec and you would be replacing him.
Fred: Oh, congratulations.
Cody: Question: I need copies of something, collated, stapled, bound and on my desk by yesterday. What do you do?
Fred: I, um... I would make thirty copies and I would do what you said with them.
Cody: (sniffs) I smell potential. Oh, Mrs. Beck, I wanted to talk to you about my lunch...
E.B: Fred. Fred. 
Fred: Sh! What is wrong with you?
E.B: This is an extreme emergency. 
Fred: You're ruining this for me, You really need to go. 
E.B: You're right. I'll create a diversion and we'll escape in the ensuing chaos. 
Fred: E.B, no! Get back here. 
Beck: Fred?
Fred: Yeah. Yeah, I got a good feeling about this place. Where to next?
(blues music playing)
Blind Boys of Alabama (BBoA): Sounding good to me. 
But where's Ricky? We need to put a back beat behind that.
E.B: (hushed) A back beat!
BBoA: I think Ricky went out for a coffee. 
(drumming)
I guess he's back. 
How you feeling, Ricky?
E.B: Yeah, I'm smashing... I mean, (imitating them) I'm fine. I'm just fine, daddy-o. 
BBoA: Well then, let's do it! 
(blues music resumes)
Beck: Okay, so this is our sport...
Fred: ... oh.
Beck: This is our sports game motion capture studio. 
Fred: Hm. In here?
Beck: Yeah. 
Fred: Ah, hockey.
Beck: That's golf. And then this is our sound recording studio for our music games. We've done Extreme Rock Master, Extreme Jazz Master, and now we're doing Extreme Blues Master. 
Fred: Sounds like a cool idea. Whoa, you got the Blind Boys of Alabama...
(softly) Quit it! I'm going to kill you so bad. Get out. 
Beck: Alright, Fred, let's try to keep moving...
Fred: I'm all of a sudden not feeling so good. 
Beck: Oh,
Fred: Do you have a restroom?
Beck: Yeah.
Fred: Where is that?
E.B: (in his voice) That was brilliant. (in deep voice) I mean, that was tight. 
BBoA: Sounded alright! But I know my drummer when I hear him. So who are you, boy?
E.B: Okay, I admit it. I'm not a blues man. My name's E.B. I'm just some guy off the streets with two sticks of wood and a dream. I understand if you throw me out. I get it if you don't want to give me a break...
BBoA: Hey, slow down friend. You know, we have a buddy who's always on the lookout for new talent. 
And the man is a genius. He's the godfather of entertainment. 
And he's having auditions tomorrow.
E.B: The Hoff? You mean, he can help me?
BBoA: If he like you. 
E.B: Wow. Thanks, Blind Boys. 
BBoA: Good luck, little rabbit.
E.B: Wait, how did you know I was... mmm. Clever gents. 
Fred, how'd it go?
Fred: Nope, don't say a word. 
Pink Berets: (grunting) 
Fred: Can I get a little clarification here. Is this what the Easter bunny does now? He just goes house to house, messing up people's lives?
E.B: Well that is just hurtful. Besides, you're selling yourself short. They were going to shove you in the mailroom. Well, excuse me, but I happen to think you're better than that.
Fred: Well you don't know me, okay? We just met. 
E.B: I can tell. You give off this aura of untapped potential. 
Fred: I do? Don't pull that with me, rabbit, okay? I'm too smart for you. 
E.B: Fred, I'm serious. You're destined to do something great. I just know it. 
Fred: I've heard that one before.
E.B: You'll find an awesome job. Hey, look. What about this? Dog walker?
Fred: No.
E.B: TSA officer? 
Fred: No. 
E.B: Oh, what about this one. It looks exciting. Wind in your hair, hot babe on your arm. 
Fred: That's a car ad.
E.B: Oh, we should buy that car then.
Carlos: (knocking on door) Ah! Senor. How you doing, jefe. Am I disturbing? 
Mr. Bunny: It's never been this quiet in here. 
Carlos: Yeah, it's so depressing. You should clear this out. Make a new den or a clubhouse. Like a man cave! It'll be fun. 
Mr. Bunny: I called his dreams ridiculous. What kind of father does that? 
Carlos: No, no, senor. I will not permit you to beat yourself up over this. Anybody would be lucky to have a father such as you. 
Mr. Bunny: Thank you, Carlos, I miss him. 
Carlos: Yeah, me too, senor. A son is very difficult to replace. Difficult, but not impossible. 
Mr. Bunny: Carlos... what the... what's that on your head?
Carlos: What? My new earmuffs? It's a cold spring this year, you know? Brr!
Mr. Bunny: Oh. Anyway, what am I going to do?
Carlos: I know, how can you deliver Easter with this tremendous burden on your old, frail shoulders?
Mr. Bunny: Hey, hey, hey, easy with the "old". 
Carlos: No I'm just saying, like, compared to me. Surely you're not thinking of making the trip yourself?
Mr. Bunny: What choice do we have?
Carlos: We can improvise. I mean... does it even have to be a bunny?
Mr. Bunny: What?
Carlos: I suppose, given these troubled times, even a humble chick could do the job.
Mr. Bunny: (laughs) Really, Carlos.
Carlos: (laughs awkwardly)
Mr. Bunny: I mean, that is funny. Can you imagine that? A chick delivering Easter? That's ridiculous. Oh, dear me. But I appreciate you trying to cheer me up, though. 
Carlos: Oh please, it is my pleasure to amuse you, senor.
Mr. Bunny: A chick delivering... 
E.B: Fred, I was wondering if... are you doing anything tomorrow? 
Fred: Tomorrow I get to smart my new job at the video game company. Wait a second. No, that didn't work out. 
E.B: I know, I know. I'm sorry about that. But you know what? Every cloud has a silver lining. And behold this silver lining, Fred. 
Fred: The Hoff?
E.B: Yes, please. I just need a ride.
Fred: Mm. No.
E.B: Come on, Fred. This is my one big chance. I'll do anything! Even get out of your life. 
Fred: ... I take you to Hoff Knows Talent, and that's it? We're done?
E.B: Bunny's honor. (spits) Right here, mate. 
Fred: It's okay. A verbal agreement is fine. Now, you realize, you can't talk.
E.B: No. I can. 
Fred: No, what I mean is, you shouldn't talk. 
E.B: What? Like, ever?
Fred: Yeah, "ever "would be wonderful. But from now, especially not in front of other people. They might freak out and want to dissect your brain. 
E.B: Dissect? That's a bit extreme, isn't it? There's an easy explanation as to why I can't talk. It's a simple combination of cuteness and magic. 
Waitress: Okay, here we go. One BLT. One order of carrot cake, a la mode. Topped with, quote, whatever candy you have laying around back there, unquote. 
Fred: Uh, excuse me? Is that a cough drop?
Waitress: Yeah. It's cherry. It counts.
E.B: That's a peculiar garnish. Could I get some chocolate syrup?
Waitress: Sure, doll. 
E.B: Thanks, love. 
Oh, it seems my brain is still intact, Fred. 
Fred, I just had an idea. When I'm a famous rock star, I'm going to buy a mansion just like this and make you sleep in the garage in a topsy-turvey switcharoo. What do you think?
Fred: Oh, man. My sister's here.
E.B: You never told me you had a sister. There's still so much we don't know about each other, Fred. 
Fred: Oh man, if she goes upstairs, I'm dead!
E.B: Why?
Fred: Why? Let me take you back to this morning when you flooded the bathroom and you trashed the bedroom. Remember that? 
E.B: Fred, leave this to me. I'll smooth it out with her. Ow! Hey! 
Fred: Look at me. One word out of you and it's rabbit season. Got it? 
Okay, I'm going to run interference. I need you to sneak upstairs and clean up, quietly! 
Sam!
Sam: Hi.
Fred: Hey, it's not a good time for me right now. I was just leaving.
Sam: But you just got here. 
Fred: I know, right. 
Sam: Hey, what are these?
Fred: Oh! There you are. Mmm. I'm on this North Beach diet. It's carrots only. That's why they're all over the house. I was going to clean them up, though. 
Sam: Okay, Fred, how did the interview go? 
Fred: Oh! Thank you for asking. Amazing! I aced it.
Sam: Really? 
Fred: Yeah.
Sam: No way! 
Fred: Why are you so surprised?
Sam: Fred, that's awesome! 
Fred: Place could use me, too. Don't get me wrong, it was great. It was good. I mean, it was alright. I just... I don't know if it was for me, really. It just didn't gel. Something felt a little off about the whole thing. I didn't get it. 
Sam: Oh! What? What happened?
Fred: You know, it's kinda hard to pinpoint any one specific thing.
Sam: Oh, Fred...
Fred: I know, I know... I'm sorry.
(whirring)
Sam: What is that? 
Fred: I wouldn't know because I'm not allowed to go up there, and I haven't been up there once. 
Sam: Hmm. Okay. 
Fred: Sam! Hey! You're not allowed up there, either! Don't go up there! Sam, I'm begging you! I can explain... 
Sam: (gasps) Oh my god! Look at this. Look at how cute this stuffed bunny is.
Fred: Wow. Yeah. Oh. So cute. 
Sam: Isn't he?
Fred: Yeah, you know what? Maybe we shouldn't be playing with him because we're really not supposed to be up here in the first place, so...
Sam: He's just so lifelike.
Fred: You think. It's a little freaky looking to me. 
Sam: Oh. Oh! He's so soft! And cute and cuddly and... and warm...
Fred: Okay, why don't we put him back before things get uncomfortable. 
Sam: No, no, I'm not uncomfortable. 
Fred: Well, I'm uncomfortable because I'm looking after the house. It's my responsibility. 
There we are. Alright,
Sam: Oh my god!
Fred: Wow! Look at that. He's a wind-up toy. 
Sam: That is so adorable. 
Fred: Yeah, I think he might be broken. You're a broken little guy, aren't you? Yeah. 
E.B: Hey... ow! 
Fred: (sighs)
Sam: Fred, I am really worried about you. Hmm.
Fred: Don't eat that. Because you might not like the flavor.
Sam: Fred, relax. 
Watermelon. 
Fred: Can we go? 
Look, Sam, I don't want you to worry, okay? I'll get something. 
Sam: Look, Fred, I just thought it would make tomorrow night a lot easier if you could tell mom and dad that you had a job,
Fred: Whoa, what's tomorrow night?
Sam: Alex's play! The one she's been talking about for weeks.
Fred: Oh, well, that's easy. I'm not going. 
Sam: Oh, aha, yeah you are. Fred, come on, she's your sister. 
Fred: Alright. 
Sam: Wear something nice. 
Fred: Wear something nice.
Sam: Seven.
Fred: Seven o'clock. 
Sam: And don't forget, I love you. 
Fred: Love you.
Sam: Put gas in your car! 
Fred: Bye. 
E.B: Nice. She seeing anyone? 
Fred: No, she's single. She's looking for a rabbit. 
E.B: Wow! There's a lot of people here, Fred. Way more than I imagined. 
Fred: You nervous?
E.B: Well, a little. It's just... I'm starting to feel a bit sick, Fred. I've never actually played in front of anybody. 
Fred: Come on. This could be your big opportunity.
E.B: I know it's my big chance, but what if I blow it? 
Fred: Relax. I'll give you a good intro. I'll set them up, you knock them down. 
E.B: Yeah?
Fred: Yeah.
E.B: Really?
Fred: Mhm.
E.B: Thank you, Fred, 
Fred: No problem. Now if you will please remove your claws from my shoulder. 
E.B: Oh, sorry about that. That's my nerves.
Fred: Thanks. 
(hip-hop music playing)
David Hasselhoff: Thank you. Next. 
(circus music playing)
Hasselhoff: Next.
(Asian folk music playing)
Hasselhoff: Next.
(music playing)
Hasselhoff: Next. 
Fred: Mr. Hasselhoff. 
Hasselhoff: Yes. 
Fred: May I call you the Hoff?
Hoff: Yes.
Fred: Fantastic. Sir, I realize that you have seen it all. But this... this will stretch the limits of even your vast experience. What you're about to see will mystify you. It will challenge the very scope --
Hoff: Cut to the chase, my friend. 
Fred: Okay. Uh... I give you, E.B.
Come on, let's drum.
(Dynamite by Taio Cruz playing)
Hoff: Stop! Stop! Stop, stop! I don't want to hear it any more. 
Fred: Come on! Mr. Hoff, we've been waiting all day. Give the guy a chance. 
Hoff: I gave him a chance. I didn't like it. I loved it! 
E.B: Woo-hoo! Yes! 
Hoff: Hoff knows talent, and that rabbit's got talent! (laughs)
E.B: Thank you, David Hasselhoff. I will not let you down. This is a golden opportunity and one I intend to realize fully! Hey, wait. You're not surprised that I'm a talking rabbit? 
Hoff: Little man, my best friend's a talking car. 
Can you make it to a live taping of the show Saturday night? I'll send a limo. 
E.B: Did you hear him? Did you hear the Hoff? I'm on my way, Fred! 
Fred: It sounds like the Hoff really dug you. I mean, he is a good actor, but I think he was sincere. 
E.B: Thanks, mate. And don't think I've forgotten our deal. You've done your part. And now I'm ready to get out of your life. 
Fred: Good. Yeah, good. 
E.B: We've had some good times, eh? Haven't we, Fred? 
Fred: Yeah, there were a few. You validated my whole childhood dream. And then, what else... 
E.B: (gasps) 
Fred: Let me think. Good times. Well, maybe just one good time. But the main thing is I got to meet the guy on my second grade lunchbox. Hasselhoff, wow! 
E.B? E.B? E.B? 
E.B: Psst? Fred! 
Fred: What are you doing? 
E.B: Pink Berets. 
Fred: Pink what? 
E.B: Pink Berets. 
Fred: There is nobody here. 
E.B: Oh yes, there is. If they see me, they'll take me back to Easter Island and I'll never get my chance to drum! 
Fred: Pink Berets? Huh? Sounds super fierce. 
E.B: Don't be fooled by their adorable name. They're the Easter bunny's royal guard! 
Fred: But you're the Easter bunny! Aren't you? 
E.B: Of course I am, technically. 
Fred: What do you mean, "technically"? 
E.B: I'll explain later. Just get in the car. 
Look I was supposed to take over this year, but I ran away. 
Fred: What are you, crazy? Who wouldn't want to be the Easter bunny? That's, like, the greatest job ever! 
E.B: Yeah, you'd think so. But it's what my dad wants, not me. He expects so much. What's left for me to do but to let him down? 
Fred: Sounds familiar. Sometimes fathers just don't get it. 
E.B: He told me I only ever think about myself. 
Fred: Other times, they hit the nail right on the head, 
E.B: Come on, Fred. I know we've said we'd go our separate ways, but please, you've got to protect me. 
Fred: Look, I'm sorry, but I can't really leave you places. I can't really take you places. And I've got to go to my sister's play tonight. 
E.B: Oh, I like plays. 
Fred: We should go see a play that my sister's not in and that my family will not be attending. 
E.B: I understand. Just drop me off at the bus station. I'm sure I'll be fine. I could be one of those street drummers, with a bucket! 
Henry: Hi. How you doing? Who's your kid playing? 
Dad: An egg. 
Henry: An egg? 
Dad: Yeah. 
Henry: Wow, that's something. My kid is the Easter bunny. You know, the one who makes it all happen. 
Sam: Alright, dad, all the roles are equally important. 
Henry: Oh, sure, sure. 
Sam: Fred! 
Announcer on PA: Please get to your seats. The play is about to begin. 
Fred: Hey, guys. Mom, dad. 
(audience applauding) 
(music playing) 
Alex: (singing off-key) Here comes Peter Cottontail, hopping down the bunny trail! Hippity hoppety, Easter's on it's way... 
E.B: Ugh! What is that dreadful sound? 
Oh no! They found me! Run for it! It's the Pink Berets! 
(audience gasping) 
E.B: Oh! Never mind, everyone. False alarm. Please continue with your awful singing. 
Henry: How did that rabbit just talk? 
E.B: Uh... Fred has been studying ventriloquism. 
Fred: Yeah. I might do it professionally. 
E.B: Woo-hoo! 
(audience laughs) 
Henry: You're being ridiculous. Stop it! Sit down. 
E.B: You should be nicer to your son. 
Fred: It's just a thought. 
(audience laughs) 
E.B: Who wants to hear a song? We'd love to sing a song for you. 
Fred: No, we wouldn't. 
(cheering) 
Henry: Fred, stop making a fool of yourself! Sit down. 
Fred: Oh, yeah, absolutely... 
(E.B and Fred sing I Want Candy) 
(applausing) 
E.B: We're a hit! They love us! 
Young girl: Here. 
Fred: Are those for me? 
Young girl: Mhm. 
Fred: Thank you. So sweet. Alex. Good job tonight. Wasn't she a good Easter bunny? 
Alex: Jerk! 
Fred: (growning) Oh! Hey, dad. I was just leaving... 
Henry: Wow, Fred, seems like we made quite an impression on you the other night. Is this your new career? Upstaging grade schoolers with your ventriloquist puppet? 
Fred: No, no, no. I got lots of other stuff going on. 
Henry: Yeah. 
Fred: There it is. 
Henry: What? 
Fred: That look. The complete and utterly disappointed look. 
Henry: Well, I'm sorry, Fred, but can you give me just, I don't know, one reason not to be disappointed? 
Fred: Well... 
Henry: Just one. 
Fred: Yeah, I... 
Henry: Fred? Fred, where'd you go? 
Fred: Yeah, I'm right here. I just remembered I have a really great, solid lead, actually. 
Henry: You do? 
Fred: Yeah, great job. 
Henry: Tell me about it. 
Fred: I can't really tell you about it. But it's big. You're gonna love it. It's really big! 
E.B: Hey, what's with the Mr. Serious all of a sudden? Wait, is there where you tell me you want to see other rabbits? Because I'm open-minded, Fred. 
Fred: E.B, I have the most amazing idea. When I was a kid, I told everyone that I saw the Easter bunny, right? No one believed me. Even though he left me this. This chocolate bunny, which I kept. 
E.B: Oh dear. 
Fred: And tonight, it just hit me. I realized it was my destiny to see him. Just like it was my destiny to meet you. It's all been leading up to this. 
E.B: Up to what? 
Fred: You don't want to be the Easter bunny, right? I know who can take your place. 
E.B: Who? 
Fred: Me! 
E.B: I'm sorry, Fred. Would you mind repeating that in my good ear? 
Fred: I want to be the Easter bunny. 
(slap) 
What was that for? 
E.B: That's for people who have gone loony! A human Easter bunny? Come on, Fred! It doesn't make sense. 
Fred: A bunny makes no sense. You deliver eggs. If you wanna get all logical, bring logic into this, you should be an Easter chicken. 
E.B: What? Come on. 
Fred: People might resist it at first. But, hey, change can be a good thing. 
E.B: You don't want the job anyway. The pressure is ungodly. It did a number on me. Did you know there was a period of nine months where the sight of a colored egg made me want to vomit. And rabbits are physically unable to vomit, so it was just hours of... (retching) nothing coming out! (retching) 
Fred: I don't care. 
E.B: Imagine that, Fred. (retching) 
Fred: Don't care. If you can be a drummer, I can be the Easter bunny. 
E.B: Fred, you can't just be the Easter bunny. My dad has to give you special powers. 
Fred: Eh. 
E.B: Besides, the Easter bunny has got to be fit. 
Fred: Ow! 
E.B: And you're a little scrawny. Finally, the Easter bunny has to have lightning-fast reflexes. Hi-ya! 
Fred: Knock it off. I'm serious. I can do this. I will be the bunny. 
Carlos: The stubborn old bunny refuses to crown anyone else! This can only mean one thing, my friends. We are going to have to take manners into our own hands!
Phil: Oh, Carlos! Carlos!
Carlos: Yes, Phil?
Phil: Yeah, uh, we don't have hands, per se. 
Carlos: (sighs) Uh, no. It's a figure of speech, Phil. 
Phil: Oh, right. Got it. 
Carlos: Too long have we labored under the yoke of the bunnies' tyranny. Well, no more! It's time for the Easter chick to rise!
Phil: Um, um...
Carlos: Yes, Phil?
Phil: Just thinking out loud, but wouldn't it be easier just to wait for E.B. I mean, he can fix this.
Carlos: Phil, if you love E.B so much, why don't you marry him? E.B is gone, okay?
Phil: Oh.
Carlos: There is a new boss.
Phil: Really? Who is it? (gasps) Is it me?
Carlos: Are you being serious?
(honking)
Carlos: (clears throat) Oh, yes. Hi. Just rehearsing for the big Easter sing-a-long. Okay, everybody, this time sing a lot more better. And a one, and a two...
Phil: ...and a three, and a four.
Carlos: It's me. Me, you idiot! I'm taking over.
Phil: Oh. I see.
Carlos: But first, I must get in shape. I will be the bunny.
E.B: You know, I've been thinking, Fred. Oh!
Fred: Hey E.B, what's up?
E.B: Fred, listen. You helped me become a drummer. And how do I repay you? I jellybean all over your dream. Well, no. No. I've changed me mind. I've seen the light. We're going to do this. And nice job on the eggs. 
Fred: Told you I was serious.
(We No Speak Americano plays)
E.B: Seventy-two. Conditioning is a must, Fred. Seventy-three. Ah, this is fun. Just a couple of dudes hanging out, getting buff. 
Fred: I could do this all day.
E.B: Me too, Fred. Feel great. 
Carlos: (grunting) Phil, how am I doing? Be honest.
E.B: Next up, speed and agility, Fred. I want you to run so fast that you're just a handsome blur with great hair. Ready? Go!
Fred: (exclaims)
E.B: Fred, that was awesome. For a couple of seconds you touched greatness.
Carlos: I can feel the burn. But it's good. It's a good burn. Whoa, uh-oh. Phil, too fast. Too fast. Phil! (screams)
Phil: Sorry, sir.
E.B: Come on, Fred! Keep hopping! 
Fred: Woo-hoo!
E.B: That's the spirit. The student is becoming the master. The Padawan is becoming the Jedi. The human being is becoming the Easter bunny. 
Carlos: I can feel myself getting stronger. Phil? How do I look from back there? My buttocks, they are pretty firm, yeah?
Phil: It's a wonderful butt, Carlos.
Carlos: Si, si, I know.
E.B: That's very good. In a crude, primitive, offensive-to-me-personally kind of way.
Phil: (blows whistle)
Carlos: What do you think?
Phil: Uh...
Carlos: It's a little too hot for the kids, no?
E.B: Yeah, very impressive! But I bet you can go even faster. 
Way to go! Stay calm, Fred. Dogs can smell fear. And you have nothing to fear but fear itself. And this dog I'm riding on.
Wow! Nice work, Fred. 
(glass shattering) 
E.B: (gasps) Oh, no. Not today. 
Ah. (gasps) What about Fred? Oh, he'll be alright. 
Pink Berets: (whistles) 
(gasps) 
Fred: Whoa. Hey, I know you guys. You're the Pink Berets, right? Ha! E.B said you guys were so scary, but you're really... you're really adorable. 
Oh. 
(thud) 
Fred: (groaning) Easter island. Oh. They brought me here to lead them in all things Easter, of course!
Hello, my fellow Easter-teers. I am truly, truly humbled by your choice in me. And as I stand before you, I...
Oh. Is this part of the coronation ritual?
Carlos: Phuh! Murderer! 
Fred: Picking up a little tension in the room. 
Mr. Bunny: Carlos! What's going on? Who is this person and what's he doing here?
Fred: Wow. Wow, you're him. The big guy. Uh, I'm Fred O'Hare. I met you, well I didn't meet you, I saw you as a kid. You look great.
Carlos: Senor bunny, brace yourself. This heartless human, he has killed your son!
Mr. Bunny: What? E.B?
Fred: Did you say kill? No, I didn't kill E.B.
Carlos: Oh! Liar! 
Mr. Bunny: This can't be so. Where are the Pink Berets?
(gasps) No...
Fred: Wait a minute, that's not --
Carlos: Silence, human! Can't you see you have broken his poor old heart?
Fred: Are you kidding me?
Carlos: Old friend, I share your sorrow. E.B was like your son to me. I'm trying to keep it together. But don't you worry. I will take care of Easter.
Fred: Whoa whoa whoa! Does anyone care that that's a Butterball turkey?
Carlos: No, no, that is E.B. He has the same shirt and everything. My deepest condolences. 
Attention, all bunnies. There will be a service for E.B in the egg painting room. Carrots and coffee to follow.
Mr. Bunny: Carlos, what are you up to?
Carlos: It's called a coup d'etat. Which is French for coup d'etat! (laughing)
Mr. Bunny: But, Carlos. You've been my most trusted number two for years.
Carlos: Well, guess what? I am sick of doing number two. It is our time for number one, yeah! We the bosses now.
Chicks: All hail Carlos! 
Phil: We the bosses! We the bosses! Woo-hoo!
Mr. Bunny: Pink Berets!
(grunting)
Carlos: Seize him!
Phil: Woo-hoo!
Fred: Hey! Don't do that. He's a beloved holiday icon! No!
Mr. Bunny: (screaming)
E.B: You can do this. You are the world's best rabbit drummer. You are a superstar. 
You are a jerk for abandoning Fred!
Hey, I didn't need that voice in my head!
Yeah, well you should have thought of that before you abandoned Fred.
Look, you better tell me something positive about me. 
I can't. You abandoned Fred. Oh, hello. Who's this gorgeous devil?
Stagehand: Is Eb in here, please? "Eb"?
E.B: It's "E.B." That's me.
Stagehand: Oh, alright, well, "E.B", you're wanted on stage in two minutes.
(audience cheering)
Host: Welcome to Hoff Knows Talent! There are all kinds of exciting acts tonight...
Hoff: There he is. How's my little guy?
E.B: Actually, David Hasselhoff, I've got a problem.
Hoff: Hm. (snaps fingers) ... is it the jitters? Believe me, even I used to get them. Now, I find a good way -- 
E.B: No, it's not the jitters, David. I'm starting to realize I might be a really selfish rabbit. Look, I love drumming. But when my friend needed me most, I left him in a house full of highly trained ninja bunnies. What am I going to do?
Hoff: Hmm. A dilemma as old as time itself. 
E.B: I know that if I left right now, I would be giving up fame.
Hoff: And untold riches. 
E.B: And untold riches.
Hoff: And all the bunnies you could ever want.
E.B: Yes, and all the... you're not really helping much, David. Like, at all! And Fred could be in real trouble. 
Hoff: Go to him. Go... to... him.
Host: Give it up for Mr. David Hasselhoff! It's the Hoff!
E.B: Fred? Anybody home? Fred? Uh-oh. 
Carlos: The Easter moon is on the rise. At midnight, her radiant beams will fill up the Egg of Destiny with magic. Then, at last, senor bunny, I will be Easter's new king!
Mr. Bunny: Carlos, I'm warning you! The Egg of Destiny is too dangerous in the hands of a chick. Its power can only be wielded by a bunny.
Carlos: Oh, yes? Well, look at me wielding. I'm wielding! Ooh-ooh. I'm wielding it again. Okay?
Phil: Oh, Carlos, can I wield the Egg of Destiny? Please?
Carlos: No. 
Phil: Can I at least touch it? Ow!
Carlos: There, you touched it.
Phil: That was harsh.
Mr. Bunny: But Carlos, think of the children!
Carlos: Yes, but I am! The children, they don't want candy and chocolate. From now on, their baskets will be filled with clumps of bird seed, dried crickets, and the world's finest worms! (slurps) Mmm.
Chicks: Mmm. 
Mr. Bunny: Have you completely lost your mind?
Carlos: Silence! You see, this is why he must go. It's this lousy attitude of his. Well, no more! The more sensitive chicks in the room may want to avert their eyes. 
Fred: What about a compromise, okay? The bunny gets Easter one year and the chick gets it the next.
Carlos: Enough of the chitty-chatty. Bye-bye, Easter bunny. 
E.B: Hello! Hey, everyone. I'm back. Yep, it was all a big mistake, but I'm alive. Hey, Larry, Kyle, what are you doing in there?
Mr. Bunny: E.B! You're alive! 
Fred: E.B!
E.B: Dad? Fred? What's going on?
Carlos: Gummy cannons! In position. Fire at will!
E.B: Ow! That hurt!
Carlos: Put him on the belt, boys. Dice him, slice him, and pulverize him! (laughs)
E.B: That's a bit excessive. 
Fred: Oh no! 
Mr. Bunny: Son!
Fred: E.B!
Carlos: The reign of the bunny is over!
Mr. Bunny: Oh! Somebody help! Help us!
E.B: What are you doing? Don't worry, Dad, Fred. I'll be right there.
Carlos: To the egg sleigh. And step on it!
Fred: Are these ropes made of black liquorice? 
Mr. Bunny: Yes, yes, they are. Horrible stuff. 
Fred: We can eat through them.
Mr. Bunny: (groans in disgust) I suppose you can. 
Carlos: You see, my friends? It is just like I told you, no? Oh, tonight is going to be a very big night! (exclaiming) I'm flying! Without even flapping my tiny wings! Everything is coming up Carlos! (laughs)
Fred: Got it!
Mr. Bunny: Good man, Fred. 
Fred: Hop on. 
Mr. Bunny: Alright. Let's go!
E.B: I'm starting to get a sense of impending doom now. Ow! (gasps) (exclaiming) No! (exhales) (exclaims) I made it!
Fred: Alright. 
Mr. Bunny: Come on, Fred!
Fred: Here we go. Woah!
Mr. Bunny: Look, Fred, there he is! It's E.B!
Fred: E.B!
Mr. Bunny: The Egg Sleigh! You've got to stop Carlos!
E.B: Don't worry, dad! I'm on it!
Carlos: (laughing) The power is surging through my veins. (laughing) Oh, it's good to be the king! Eh? (grumbling) What is happening to me? (exclaiming) Oh. Oh? Uh-oh. (exclaiming) (grunting)
E.B: Come on out, Carlos! It ends here! You think you can just take over Easter? Well, guess what?
Carlos: (laughing)
E.B: I actually think you're onto something. You're a bright man, you're an innovator. I like it. Give it a whirl. (exclaiming)
(panting) One second. Hey!
Carlos: You finished?
E.B: Um, not quite. (exclaiming) 
Carlos: (laughing)
E.B: Get off! Whoa!
Carlos: Incoming!
E.B: Oh, why?
Carlos: Bunny slam!
E.B: Ow!
Carlos: Your father was a fool to think you would ever amount to anything. (laughs) Here comes Carlos Yellowtail, hopping down the chicky trail. Easter is coming your way... okay, Phil. Initiate takeoff positions.
Phil: Aye-aye, captain. Chicks, fall in. Attention!
Here we go. Right flaps! Left flaps! Okay, we're good to go!
(drumming)
Phil: Hm?
Carlos: Let's go, Phil. Easter is waiting. 
Phil: Righty-o.
(drumming resumes)
Uh-oh. 
Oh boy. 
Carlos: Phil, let's get this bird in the air!
Phil: (hushed) Yeah!
Carlos: Phil! Knock off the dancing! 
Phil: Yes, sir. Sorry. Lifting off!
E.B: No way. Show's not over. 
Carlos: Phil! What are you doing? Fly us straight!
(drumming intensifies)
No, no, Phil! Knock it off! Keep her level. No, Phil. Phil! Phil! Phil! Please, Phil! Phil! I'm feeling a little... will you please... stop... dancing! 
Phil!!!
E.B: Woo-hoo! Yeah, that's right!
Carlos: This is not over! (muffled groaning)
E.B: Ah-ha. Thank you very much.
Dad! 
Mr. Bunny: E.B! Oh, I was so worried, son. I'm so sorry for all the things I said. 
E.B: Me too, dad. 
Mr. Bunny: Your friend, here. He saved my life. He was magnificent!
Fred: Well, I... I kind of was.
E.B: Hey, thanks, Fred. Well, Easter is in a few hours. I have to get going.
Mr. Bunny: What? 
E.B: Dad, I'm ready.
Mr. Bunny: But, E.B. What about your dream?
E.B: I'm still going to be a drummer, dad. But I can be the Easter bunny, too. There's just one thing... (whispers)
Mr. Bunny: Alright, then. Frederick O'Hare. 
Fred: Yes, sir.
Mr. Bunny: Please step forward. Down on one knee. Left or right, doesn't matter. And now, place your forefinger on the Egg of Destiny.
Fred: Oh...
Mr. Bunny: E.B, you as well. By the power vested in me, I pronounce E.B and Fred O'Hare co-Easter bunnies. Hear, hear!
(cheering)
Fred: Wow!
(cheering)
Mr. Bunny: Now go forth and deliver! 
E.B and Fred: Woo-hoo!
Henry: Wonderful brunch, Bonnie.
Bonnie: Thank you, dear.
Sam: It is delicious.
Fred: Totally agree. This is amazing, mom. You should open a restaurant. I'm serious.
Bonnie: Well, that's a very nice thing to say, Fred. And can I say that I love your costume. I think it is so cheerful.
Fred: Thanks, mom. But it's a uniform. (sighs) I'm so tired. 
Henry: Yeah, you were up very late delivering pizzas.
Fred: Easter baskets.
Henry: Every time you say "Easter baskets", I hear "pizzas". It helps me cope.
Sam: Guys, can we not do this today?
(doorbell rings)
Fred: Oh, they're here. This is exciting. That's my co-Easter bunny. Hey, why don't you guys come see me off? It'll be fun.
Sam: Well, that's weird. Who do you think it is?
Henry: (sighs) I don't know. 
Alex: Wow.
Henry: Fred? Fred, wait! This is amazing! 
Fred: I know, right. It's pretty cool, huh?
Henry: I'm sorry I gave you such a hard time. 
Fred: Aw, dad, come on. You don't have to -- 
Henry: I'm proud of you.
Fred: Thanks, dad.
Henry: Easter bunny. Wow! The one who makes it all happen. 
E.B: Say the words, Fred. Bring it home.
Fred: Happy Easter to all! And to all, a good mid-to-late morning. 
On Cheepers! On Peepers! On Biscuit and Buzzy! On Chucky! On Clucky! On Feathers and Carlos. 
E.B: Yeah, come on, Carlos. Put your back into it.
Carlos: I've been flapping all night, so just cut me some slack, okay? One little coup and suddenly I'm everybody's chump. 
===== [END] =====
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