Animaiited (Series)/Com.com (Transcript)

[The episode starts with the infamous Slap Chop commercial playing and Jim watching it]
Slap Chop guy (Vince): Hi, it's Vince with Slap Chop! You’re going to be in a great mood all day, because you’re going be slapping your troubles away with the Slap Chop. Now, look here’s a potato. One slap you got big chunks for stew, two slaps home fries in a second. And, look at this when you add a-
Jim: *throws remote at TV* I don’t care.
THE NEXT DAY…
Jim: Guys, you know those commercials on TV that are like “OoOoOoOOoHhhHhhh I’m selling this microscopic speck of dirt!!! Get it now!!!”
*Awkward silence* 
Tim: uh… yeah?
Jim: Well I’m gonna be one of those people!
Everyone: …ok?
Jim: All I have to do is make a website! How? Well, go on the internet and search up “phone number to call for website making” and then I’ll call a phone number and then-
Indian guy on the phone: Hello, this is the Indian Call Service, if you want a website give us your credit card information and-
Jim: *hangs up* Oh, son of a bitch. I’ll just use Wix or GoDaddy.
[The scene cuts to everyone looking at Jim making a website]
Tim: So? Why are you making a website? You’re not really good at things.
Jim: What do you mean? I met Spongebob in real life. I found a copy of the Declaration of Independence in a random condo. I ate Homer Simpson’s donuts! I killed Kenny once! I can do this.
Nate: Wait, you killed Kenny?
Jim: Yes.
Everyone: OH MY GOD! HE KILLED KENNY!
Nate: You bastard!
Jim: *sigh*
Tim: Anyway, what should you do with the website?
Jim: I’ll sell products and stuff. Lemme get some clay.
Tim: Hold on! What’s the website called?
Jim: [while running] Com.com
Chad: Really? *snicker* Com.com?
30 MINUTES LATER…
Tim: What’s that?
Jim: Tom the Mouse. I’m starting to make this a product and turn it into an animation and then it would become a movie and then a show will come out and then some channel on TV like Nickelodeon will ask for a spinoff and it will be widely known around the world.
Chad: That awfully looks like… Mickey Mouse.
Jim: Shut up. It doesn’t.
Nate: I mean… the ears, the eyes, in fact, the pants look like Mickey Mouse’s.
Jim: Well it’s time to sell it-
[The neighbors are watching an episode of Clone High at volume 100]
Jim: First, this. *walks up to neighbors door* *knocks it so hard he was so close to breaking the door*
Neighbors: Yes?
Jim: WILL YOU BE KEEP IT DOWN YOU GOD DAMN BITCHES I AM TRYING TO MAKE PRODUCTS AND I CAN’T HELP IT WITH ALL THIS NOISE YOU ASS HEADED **** **** ****
Neighbors: Ok! Ok! I’m gonna lower it to 30.
Jim: **** **** ****- wait, you’re not gonna be loud anymore
Neighbors: Yes! Yes! Look at our ears! We’re gonna lower it down. *ears bleeding*
Jim: Ok. *walks back home*
Nate: Wow- I-I-I just- h-how-how the- hell did-did you-you do it?
Jim: Whatever, I’m just selling it in 3, 2, 1. Sold.
A WEEK LATER
Jim: Lemme check the mail… doo doo do doo doo- What is this? *goes into room*
[Jim starts singing the We Just Got a Letter from Blue’s Clues]
Jim: We just got a letter, we just got a letter, we just got a letter, wonder who it’s from? *opens envelope* *makes sarcastic smile while talking* It’s from The Walt Disney Company.
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