Fancy Footwork

Fancy Footwork is the 17th episode of Season 2 of Basket Sponge.
It is the 38th overall episode of the series.
==Plot==
Squidward discovers he is really good at soccer, and is offered a high-paying job at Bikini Bottom's soccer team. Now he is faced with a serious choice.
==Story==
[Squidward is walking on the way to basketball practice]
Squidward: (trips over a soccer ball) Whoops!
Kid: That's our ball! Kick it to us!
Other Kid: Yeah, old man!
Squidward: Oh? You wanna see some fancy footwork?
Kid: You're too OLD!
Other Kid: Yeah, old man!
Squidward: Alright, I've got 5 minutes. That's long enough to school you.
Kid: I'd like to see you TRY!
Other Kid: Yeah, old man!
Squidward: (takes the soccer ball, and shows off some extremely impressive moves; he scores several goals on the kids)
Kid: Whoa....you're good.
Other Kid: Yeah, old man....
Squidward: That's how it's done, ladies. Now if you'll excuse me, I have basketball practice.
Kid: Basketball? Pfft! You'd make millions as a soccer player!
Squidward: Well, I-
Other Kid: Yeah, old man!
Squidward: I should really be going. See you kids.
[As he is walking away, he notices a shady man watching him from behind a tree]
Squidward: Can I help you, sir?
?: The name's Slate.
Squidward: ….ok
Slate: Those were some pretty impressive moves.
Squidward: Well, I got 8 legs...heh-heh.
Slate: (hands Squidward a card) Here's my card. I want you on my team. You'll make millions.
Squidward: Sir, I-
Slate: Give me a call. (vanishes)
Squidward: …..(looks at the card) Hmmm.....
[He soon arrives at basketball practice]
LeBron: Team, I-
Squidward: Coach! Just wondering, how come we never get paid?
LeBron: #1: This is just for funzies. You're a bunch of suckers.
Squidward: …..
LeBron: #2: I don't have any money.
SpongeBob: Why not?
Krabs: I didn't steal his money! ….heh-heh.....(blushes)
LeBron: My wallet went missing.....(glares at Krabs)
Krabs: You don't have any evidence! (sprays Larry in the face with pepper spray; rus out of the gm)
Larry: GAHHH!!! BARNACLES!!!!
Plankton: Tee-hee.
Larry: (stomps on Plankton)
Plankton: GAHHHH!!!! BARNACLES!!!!
Squidward: Well, Coach, if you aren't going to pay me......I have a phone call to make. (leaves the gym)
LeBron: …..Squid......Squid Man?
SpongeBob: Want me to go talk to him?
Larry: Want me to go pound his face?
Patrick: Want me to make out with Lexi?
Lexi: Want me to make out with Patrick?
Patrick & Lexi: …...YES!!!! (they make out)
LeBron: Squid needs some time to himself. He'll be back.
[At home, in his bubble bath]
Squidward: (dials Slate's number) Hello? Is this Slate?
Slate: (on the phone) Ahh, Squidward. I see you changed your mind.
Squidward: How did you know my name?
Slate: I hacked your FishBook account....I mean I saw your.....nametag.
Squidward: I don't wear a nametag.
Slate: Yes you do......you're just blind.
Squidward: Very well then.
Slate: So I see you changed you mind.
Squidward: I didn't say that!
Slate: Well, is there perhaps another reason you called me?
Squidward: ….(sigh).....I'll join.
Slate: Wonderful! Practice for the Bikini Bottom Fairies begins tomorrow at 7!
Squidward: 7 a.m.????
Slate: Yes, Squidward.
Squidward: I need mah beauty sleep!
Slate: 7 a.m. Period.
Squidward: (sigh) Why are we called the “Fairies” anyway?
Slate: It's soccer. We're pathetic, wimpy losers who failed at other sports.
Squidward: I have a steady position as a basketball player, FYI.
Slate: And how much do you make?
Squidward: …..
Slate: ZERO, that's correct.
Squidward: Fine.
Slate: You're gonna love it, Squidward. I'm an amazing coach.
Squidward: Oh, I'm sure....
Slate: In fact-
Squidward: (drops his phone in the tub) BARNACLES!!!!
[At 7:00 in the morning]
Slate: Welcome, team. We have a new player with us today. Care to introduce yourself?
Squidward: Well, my name is Squidward......
Everyone: …..
Squidward: My nose is shaped like a penis.
Slate: Alright, let's begin! 
[Everyone begins doing hundreds of situps and pushups]
Squidward: What are we doing?
Slate: Situps and pushups. Get moving!
Squidward: But, my coach never makes us do these.
Slate: Well I'M your coach, now. And soccer players are the most in-shape athletes in the world!
Squidward: Says who? Soccer sucks!
Slate: Excuse me?
Squidward: You heard me, it SUCKS MONKEY NUGGETS.
Everyone: (gasps) Let's get 'em!
[They capture him]
Squidward: What's going on here?
Slate: You insulted soccer!
Squidward: So did you! When we were on the phone!
Slate: I'm the coach. I can do that.
Squidward: It's boring and pointless! I'm only good at it because I have 8 legs!
Everyone: (punches him)
Squidward: AH!!!
Slate: Soccer players are also the cockiest people in the world.
Squidward: Idk, Larry's pretty hard to beat...
Slate: You will enjoy practice. No matter what.
Squidward: Screw everything. When does practice end?
Slate: Never. Everyone here is OWNED by me. And plays by force.
Squidward: Whaaat? Why?
Slate: (points a gun at him) Because nobody likes soccer.
Squidward: That's true.
[Outside of the field, LeBron & friends pull up in a van]
Larry: What are we doing at a soccer field? Soccer SUCKS!!!!
Krabs: Ewwwww, soccer!!!!!
Patrick: Soccer sucks!!!!!
SpongeBob: Meh, it's okay...
Larry: (bites down on SpongeBob's arm)
SpongeBob: AHHHH!!! OKAY, SOCCER SUCKS!!!
LeBron: Relax, team. We're here to check on Squidy.
[He looks through binoculars]
Larry: You see anything?
LeBron: Holy cheese.
Larry: Whaat?
LeBron: Nothing, I want some cheese.
Larry: Oh.
LeBron: Ah, NOW I SEE SOMETHING.
Larry: Whaat?
LeBron: They've got a gun pointed at him! We're going in!
[Inside the field]
Squidward: You'll never take me alive, Slate.
Slate: Exactly. Because if you don't cooperate, you'll be killed.
Squidward: Oh yeah.......shoulda thought that over.
Everyone: Hahaahahahhahahahah (we hate life) hahahahahahahaha.
[LeBron's van busts into the scene and runs over Slate's team]
Slate: AHH! My players! Where am I gonna find anyone else dumb enough to be on a soccer team?
Squidward: Well, you do force people.
Slate: Any logical person would commit suicide over playing soccer!
Squidward: Valid point.
LeBron: (jumps out of the van) Give us back our squid!
Squidward: (excited) Coach!
Slate: Eww, basketball players!
LeBron: Don't act like soccer is better!
Slate: (starts sobbing) Soccer is absolute garbage! I've wasted my life forcing people to play this ridiculous sport.....(sniff).....I feel so worthless! (sobbing uncontrollably)
LeBron: (pats him) There, there. I'll let you join my basketball team.
Slate: (sniff) Really?
LeBron: Of course, dawg.
Slate: Wow....this is the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me.
LeBron: Here, let me strap you to this rocket. (straps him to a rocket)
Slate: Thanks, but why-
LeBron: (presses a button; the rocket launches into outer space, carrying Slate with it)
SpongeBob: Haha!
Plankton: Woot! Woot!
Lexi: It' so romatic.
Patrick: Kiss me. (they kiss)
Larry: Where's that rocket going to, Coach?
LeBron: Another galaxy. An undiscovered galaxy.
Larry: Nice!
Squidward: Thanks for saving me, Coach! Soccer is the bane of humanity.
LeBron: And fish-manity. Or whatever.
Squidward: Yeah that.
LeBron: Now, let's go to Taco Hell! My treat!
SpongeBob: Yaaaaay!
Krabs: I thought Taco Hell was destroyed???
LeBron: It was rebuilt. A Mexican dude owns it. You literally thought he couldn't do constuction?
Krabs: (sigh) Good point.
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