Love Quest

This is the 45th episode of Hoopla's Fantastic Beach, and the 6th episode of season 4.
==Transcript==
(Episode starts off with Hoopla relaxing outside in his new beach house.)
Hoopla: Ahh. This is pure pleasure. And now I can enjoy the sun without having to deal with sand. It’s rough, coarse, irritating and gets everywhere. I feel like my life is almost perfect. Take that Simon, I can do it. 
(silence)
Hoopla: Hm.
(more silence)
Hoopla: Almost…perfect…
(No sounds except the crashing of the waves)
Hoopla: Boy. This place is just…too peaceful. It’s just me. Something feels missing. Something like… something else. Or… someONE. Aha! I’m lonely! …I shouldn’t be excited over that. Well, my life won’t be perfect perfect until I have someone else. Maybe I need a pal to share my new house with. Maybe I need… a gal pal.
(Hoopla runs inside his house, pulls out a blueprint, and begins furiously writing.)
Hoopla: Alright, today I’m going to get married. I’m giving myself a deadline of 12 hours from now so I don’t procrastinate. This should be easy. I mean, I’m Hoopla! I’m irresistible to women!
(Hoopla writes down his plans.)
Hoopla: Yep…need to find a girl…fall in love…set up a wedding…invite everyone I know…and live happily ever after.
(Hoopla takes out his phone)
Hoopla: (calling) Doo doo doo doo…yes I say that out loud.
Boopla: Yo, what up!
Hoopla: Boopla, do you have a girlfriend?
Boopla: Well, I mean, I have many girl friends, but not a singular girlfriend.
Hoopla: What, why?
Boopla: As a rapper, I can’t stick to one. I would be cheating all the time. It’s easier this way.
Hoopla: Yeah, until they steal all your money and cancel you…
Boopla: What did you just say?
Hoopla: NOTHING!
Boopla: Why are you even asking me this?
Hoopla: I need, er, dating advice.
Boopla: DATING ADVICE?! (laughs) YOU?! Heh, y’know, nothing against you, but uh, it’s just-
Hoopla: Yeah?
Boopla: Uh…
Hoopla: What?
Boopla: You don’t…you don’t see where I’m going with this?
Hoopla: Nope.
Boopla: Welp. I’m done here. (hangs up)
Hoopla: Rude. I don’t need Boopla to help me anyways. What I need is advice from some experts.
(Cut to Hoopla at his parents’ house.)
Hoopla: -and that’s why I so need a cute girl my age so my life can be perfect perfect!
Zoopla: …and why are you telling us about this, son?
Woopla: I honestly thought he was gay.
Hoopla: Look, I’m desperate, okay?! You two seem pretty happy together. How’d you meet?
Zoopla: Well, hm… let’s see… it was just at the end of high school. Your father asked me out to the prom. Nine months later you were born.
Hoopla: …that’s it?
Woopla: It was a great night.
Hoopla: But I’m not in high school! I’m a grown-ass man! 
Woopla: That doesn’t stop some people from going to high school proms.
Zoopla: Woopla!
Woopla: What? I’m just saying.
Zoopla: Look son… you can’t rush these things. 
Woopla: Your mother’s right, son. There are plenty of humans on the land. You’ll find a good match for you one day. 
Hoopla: But I don’t want to find a good match for me one day! I want a good match for me NOW!
Woopla: What do you want us to do anyway? Set up an arranged marriage?
Hoopla: Well actually that doesn’t sound-
Woopla: Well forget about it. We don’t live in India, for Neptune’s sake.
Zoopla: But if we did… (starts daydreaming)
(Woopla snaps his finger to wake Zoopla up)
Woopla: Focus here, woman!
Hoopla: Well I think we’re done here. Thanks for trying, I guess.
Zoopla: Well, it was nice to see you son! Don’t forget to visit us-
(She realizes Hoopla is already gone.)
Zoopla: -...soon.
Woopla: Give it a few years and he’ll put us in that retirement home.
(Cut to Hoopla walking into a bar. He is now wearing a white shirt with “WANT WOMAN!” written on in black marker.)
Hoopla: This is the perfect place. A ton of people fall in love at bars.
(Hoopla sits down at the bar and looks around)
Hoopla: Hmm, something’s wrong. I should’ve been married 5 minutes ago. Maybe I’m not drunk enough.
Bartender: Uh, sir, are you old enough to be in this bar?
Hoopla: Uhhh.
(Sudden cut to Hoopla lying on his face in front of the bar)
Hoopla: This is hopeless. I’m not even old enough to drink yet! Or am I? I don’t even know. Either way, stupid laws, I should’ve stayed president. Did I even win that election? I can’t remember. I was too busy drinking. What’s my name again?
(Hoopla burps out a “HOOPLA”)
Hoopla: Oh, there we go. That’s helpful. 
(Hoopla tries getting up and walking, he ends up smashing into tables on his way out.)
Hoopla: Maybe I should…get rid of these effects first.
(Hoopla steals a bottle of milk and drinks it.)
Hoopla: Ah. Now I’m better. Just like Minecraft.
(Hoopla walks outside)
Hoopla: Uhh…okay…plan B…what’s another place filled with women…
(Hoopla looks over at a public female restroom.)
Hoopla: Hmm… nah, I’m not doing that. Do I even know what women like?
(Hoopla stands silently trying to think. No thoughts are going through his head.)
Hoopla: Screw it, I’ll just head to the beach.
(Bubble transition to Hoopla at the fantastic beach.)
Hoopla: Yes! The beach. Surely I’ll be able to get a hot babe here.
(Boopla walks over.)
Hoopla: You’re not a hot babe.
Boopla: No, I’m not. How’s your (smirks) “love quest” going?
Hoopla: I’m working on it! I’m working on it!
Boopla: Well, you didn’t hear it from me, but I hear the lifeguard on duty is kinda cute.
(Pan over to a female lifeguard on duty wearing a skintight swimsuit.)
Hoopla: Eh.
Boopla: “Eh”? “EH”? Hoopla, you have terrible taste in women.
Hoopla: I mean I literally have never seen her before. How can I be in love with someone I haven’t even met?
Boopla: BRUH. You really know nothing about love, huh?
Hoopla: I… I guess not. 
(Fred Rechid walks up to Boopla.)
Fred: …hey, um…? Are you the guy I’m supposed to be meeting here with the goods?
Boopla: You Fred?
Fred: Uh-huh.
Boopla: Come with me. Sorry, Hoop, I’ve got some probably illegal business to attend to. Good luck with your love quest.
(Boopla and Fred walk off towards an alleyway.)
Fred: (laughing) That guy's on a love quest?
Boopla: He’s the most hopeless romantic I’ve ever met.
(Hoopla sighs, and then glances over towards the lifeguard again.)
Hoopla: Well… if Boopla says she’s a hot woman, then surely I must be somewhat attracted to her. Okay, now I need to get my expert flirting game on.
(Hoopla walks over to the lifeguard.)
Hoopla: How you doin’?
Lifeguard: …
Hoopla: Not much for talking, huh? Me neither, me neither. I hate talking, I despise talking even. I never talk, ever!
Lifeguard: …
Hoopla: My name’s Hoopla, what’s yours?
Lifeguard: …
Hoopla: Hello?
Lifeguard: …
Hoopla: Hello?!
Lifeguard: Look, would you just shut up and let me do my job? I’m supposed to be saving lives here but nothing ever happens at this stupid beach!
Hoopla: What about that time aliens invaded it?
Lifeguard: Besides that.
Hoopla: You know, I can make something happen at this beach… (smirks)
(Cut to a little kid's sandcastle that vaguely resembles Box Productions Inc's headquarters where Hoopla is thrown. He lands on the castle, effectively destroying it.)
Hoopla: No one ever told me girls had muscles too…
(Hoopla yells at the lifeguard)
Hoopla: I was talking about making our own sandcastle! You have a dirty mind! This is your own fault! (brushes the sand off of his clothes) Welp, so much for that. I’m starting to run out of plans for my love quest.
(Just then, he sees a familiar face walking on the beach: Tony. Hoopla rushes over to him in desperation)
Hoopla: Hey!
Tony: Huh?
Hoopla: Aren’t you that guy who works for Boopla and stuff? I feel like I’ve talked to you before, I think.
Tony: Yeah, I think we’ve met before. By the way, my name’s Tony.
Hoopla: Hoopla.
Tony: That’s your name?
Hoopla: Yeah.
Tony: Huh. Well anyway, what do you need from me? Or want, whatever.
Hoopla: Listen… I desperately need help with something.
Tony: Yeah? What is it?
Hoopla: Do you… have a girlfriend? You seem like the kind of guy who would have one. You’re always chill and respectable.
Tony: Well, uh, thanks. Of course I do. And I’m guessing you don’t?
Hoopla: (violently nods his head) How do you do it man?
Tony: I…talk to women? And we get to know each other? And love? And stuff? It’s so cool.
Hoopla: I see. I need to know the step-by-step process of this so-called “loving” you speak of. What do I need to do? Make some attraction sign or something? “Looking for 18-23 boyfriend-free girl”, yeah, that works.
Tony: What are you talking about? You know what love is right? You know how it feels?
Hoopla: Well, I love my parents, but that’s different. I’m looking for love love. Then my life can be perfect perfect. They’re like completely different things.
Tony: Well, “love love” is a bit complicated. You kinda just gotta know who you “love love”. It’s like an instinct.
Hoopla: wut
Tony: You’ve bound to have felt it before.
Hoopla: Ehh…not really. I haven’t connected with any girls I talk to in that way. Or boys for that matter. All I feel is like normal friendship.
Tony: Bro, has anyone ever told you that you might be autistic? -Not that there’s anything wrong with it…
Hoopla: My parents got me tested years ago and apparently I’m good.
Tony: Then you should probably look into that. It sounds like something else is going on here. Well… nice chat, Mr. Hoopla.
Hoopla: Bye-bye, Tony.
(Tony waves goodbye as Hoopla walks away from the beach while thinking)
Hoopla: Hmm…how peculiar. How peculiar indeed. What am I really feeling in my heart? I mean, am I really lonely? I have so many friends. My life may as well be already perfect perfect. What was the point of this whole quest? Just to fit in or something like that?
(Hoopla stands still for a second.)
Hoopla: I am too lazy to figure this out myself.
(Hoopla runs back over to Tony, tripping over seashells as he runs.)
Hoopla: TONY!
Tony: Hoopla? How come you’re back so quickly?
Hoopla: I think I am too lazy to figure this thing out on my own, so I’m assigning you to do it for me.
Tony: Look man, I think you can just go on Foogle or something on your phone. Now you should probably leave, I’m about to do something you won’t want to see.
Hoopla: Alright then.
(Hoopla quickly runs away as Tony starts tanning his butt in the beach sun)
Hoopla: On the internet, eh? (pulls out his phone and starts typing out questions) Let’s see how well this thing does against my life problems.
Narrator: Lots of scrolling later…
Hoopla: Hmm… sexualities? Like, liking the other gender?
(He scrolls some more)
Hoopla: There’s SEVERAL? Why didn’t anyone tell me?!
(He scrolls some more)
Hoopla: Let’s see… straight, lesbian, pansexual, scatgisexual, bisexual… asexual? “People who identify as asexual experience little or no sexual attraction to others.” Hmm…
(Hoopla paces back and forth for a bit, thinking again)
Hoopla: There’s ROMANTIC orientations too?! My mind is exploding right now! Heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic… aromantic. “Someone who experiences little or no romantic attraction now and probably won’t experience it in the future.” Huh. I wonder if that’s me.
(Hoopla paces back and forth again, thinking once again)
Hoopla: What if… maybe… maybe I am aromantic. Hmm… maybe… well……. I probably am. I GOT IT! I FIGURED IT OUT! I’m aromantic! This explains everything! Yes! My love quest is finally over!
(Hoopla does a little dance reminiscent of the Kirby victory animation.)
Random fish: Aromantic, huh? Good for you, man. You should get a flag for that.
Hoopla: A flag? There’s a flag?
Random fish: Yeah, they’re called pride flags. Every sexual and romantic orientation has one. (he pulls out a bisexual flag) See?
Hoopla: That looks pretty.
Random fish: I know, right? You should get one of your own orientations sometime.
Hoopla: I will. Thanks, random fish I just met!
Random fish: No problemo. Also my name’s Mike. Well, toodles.
(Cut back to Hoopla’s beach house, where he is proudly hanging up an aromantic flag on the wall)
Hoopla: That looks nice. At least my house is a little less empty now. Time for a good night’s sleep.
(Hoopla gets into his bed in his bedroom and instantly starts snoring, ending the episode)
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