Spy Kids (Lizzie McGuire style)

== Cast: ==
* Lizzie McGuire (played by Hilary Duff) as Carmen Cortez
* Matt McGuire (played by Jake Thomas) as Juni Cortez
* Sam McGuire (played by Robert Carradine) as Gregorio Cortez 
* Jo McGuire (played by Hallie Todd) as Ingrid Cortez 
* and more!
== Transcript ==
 JO: Lizzie, Matt, time for bed.
 - Did you brush your teeth? - I already did.
 JO: Matt, don't forget to brush--
 MATT: I am, I am.
 All right, all right.
 MATT: OK, warts. Uhh!
 Prepare to meet your maker.
 Everything OK at school?
 Yeah. It's good. It's fine.
 OK. Well, lights out.
 Bedtime story first.
 What story do you want to hear?
 JO: "The Two Spies Who Fell In Love."
 Hmm. Wow.
 I haven't told that one in a while.
 You probably remember that better than I do.
 JO: Want to hear a story, Matt? 
 MATT: I'm listening.
 OK.
 Once upon a time...
 there was a man and a woman.
 - And they were both spies. - Yes.
 She from one country, he from another.
 She had a very important mission assigned to her.
 - He was her mission. - Correct.
 Her mission was to take him out.
 LIZZIE: On a date?
 No. Uh, take him--
 Oh, you mean...
 I shouldn't be telling you this.
 - Go on. Go on. - You have to understand...
 these were dark and confusing times.
 An enormous amount of turmoil between countries.
 JO: Out off ear...
 a new kind of soldier was created--
 brilliant, brave soldiers...
 whose greatest weapons were their minds.
 Those men and women were spies.
 They were masters of disguise.
 They could sense danger a mile away...
 and through their work...
 wars were ended before they even started.
 [Electronic beeping]
 The only things spies were truly afraid of...
 were other spies--
 LIZZIE: enemy spies.
 So, sometimes, one spy's mission...
 was to make the enemy disappear.
 He was the assignment that changed her life...
 but when the moment finally came...
 to carry out her mission...
 she couldn't do it.
 He was different than she expected.
 Sure, he was charming and intelligent...
 but he was unexpectedly honorable...
 and it made her realize...
 how years of working with detached emotion...
 had taken its toll.
 So they kept contact...
 through lunch dates-- very discreet.
 After all, they were on different sides...
 so they could never be seen together.
 Dinner dates followed...
 wherever their mutual travels took them.
 And they fell in love...
 and they decided that, together...
 they would embark...
 on the most dangerous mission of all time.
 LIZZIE: What?
 JO: They decided to marry for 15 years.
 LIZZIE: Wow.
 JO: Oh, yes. On her wedding day...
 she felt like she would rather brave...
 a thousand deadly missions...
 than go through with what she was about to attempt.
 LIZZIE: Why is that?
 Well, marriage is a mission so complex...
 that only the most courageous and slightly insane need apply.
 There's such an amazing series of obstacles...
 one has to navigate to keep a marriage together--
 much less family--
 that it frightened even her...
 a hardened and experienced secret agent.
 But when she saw him...
 standing there with no doubt whatsoever...
 so assured of his decision...
 so enamored with what they were about to do...
 she took his hand...
 looked deep into his eyes...
 and said the two most dangerous...
 most trusting words you can say to anyone.
 LIZZIE: What?
 JO: She said, "I do. "
 LIZZIE: Oh, that's so cool.
 Yeah. Then the problems started.
 [Plane engine roars]
 JO: Now, there was always some faction...
 that wanted at least one of them gone.
 On their own, each agent was notorious...
 but together, they made tempting targets.
 [No audio]
 JO: So, they retired...
 settled down...
 had a few kids.
 In a way, they exchanged...
 one life of adventure for another...
 trading espionage for parenthood--
 a mysterious and compelling mission in its own right.
 And they're better off. The end.
 No "happily ever after"?
 I said they were better off.
 MATT: Great story, Mom, but it needs a new ending.
 It needs monsters.
 JO: Is that right?
 MATT: Do you want me to look at your--
 JO: I put the medicine on.
 OK, munchkin. Good night.
 What was the story tonight?
 Mmm. Ours.
 How many nights, I wonder...
 do you send the children off to bed with nightmares?
 Lizzie asked for the story.
 That life is over now.
 We are consultants, not spies.
 [Electronic beeping]
 JO: So I went to their school today.
 Mm-hmm.
 Had that meeting with the principal.
 Hmm?
 Lizzie's been skipping school twice a month.
 - Why? - I don't know.
 And those school friends Matt talks about having?
 Yeah. Lanny somebody and Melina?
 No such beasts.
 JO: It turns out, the other kids pick on him.
 He has no friends.
 It doesn't help that he has his head in the clouds...
 making these weird drawings...
 and burying himself into that demented kids show.
 [Beep]
 They're keeping secrets from us, Sam...
 and I think it's our fault.
 They've gotten this from us.
 We have good reason to keep secrets.
 We have good reason to keep secrets.
 If we told them we were spies...
 they'd have visions of danger every time we leave the house.
 Speaking of secrets...
 what are you working on over here?
 Oh, nothing important.
 It's just...
 MATT: Why do we have to do this every morning?
 LIZZIE: We already have P.E. at school with my best friends, Gordo and Miranda. Besides, I'm 13.
 Uhh.
 MATT: You gonna hang there all day, scaredy cat?
 LIZZIE: Told you not to look down, Matt.
 MATT: I can't help it. I'm slipping.
 LIZZIE: It's your butterfingers that are slipping.
 Uhh ! Hurry up!
 I can--uhh !
 - Uhh ! - Whoa ! Uhh !
 [Moaning]
 LIZZIE: You just fell a thousand feet. You're a pancake.
 - Am not. - Are too.
 Don't trip getting up, pancake.
 [Crash]
 LIZZIE: Butterfingers.
 MATT: We'll see about that.
 [Fax machine beeps]
 [Lizzie and Matt laughing]
 Mr. Dig?
 Yeah. He's missing.
 Is this what you were hiding last night?
 I didn't want to worry you.
 ANNOUNCER: We now return to...
 SAM: Matt, why do you watch that show?
 MATT: Because it's cool. Why?
 JO: Because that's all you ever do.
 MATT: Play its video games and watch the tapes.
 SAM: Do you know why, son?
 JO: So, always remember, whatever you do...
 believe in yourself.
 Your dreams will come true...
 for you and you and you.
 LIZZIE: What's this, a self-portrait?
 [As Animated Lizzie] "What's this, a self-portrait? Maybe all the Top Secret Missions is totally perfect."
 - Mom, he's mimicking me! - "Mom, he's mimicking me!"
 JO: Lizzie, leave your brother alone.
 Matt, stop talking like your sister.
 - Stop it. - "Stop it."
 JO: Look at this. It's hideous. SAM: Well, talk to him.
 MATT: It's a Fooglie idea.
 I designed it myself.
 Today we're very excited, because today...
 we have a new character!
 We found him snooping around the castle last night has Oscar.
 I want you all to meet Donnamight.
 MATT: Dad, when Floop makes a toy out of that one...
 I want it!
 [Speaking in alien tongue]
 JO: Honey! - [Tires squeal]
 [Speaking in foreign language]
 SAM: I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
 Matt. Son. Hey.
 Anybody gives you a hard time in there...
 remember, you are a McGuire.
 What's so special about being a McGuire?
 Lots of things.
 Hey, it's the mummy.
 Nice-looking bandages, mummy.
 Matt: Just stop it, man.
 When I'm talking to you, you listen.
 Ay yi... yi... yi.
 Nice dolls. Here, let me see the dolls.
 MAN: Have a good day, son. Show them who's boss.
 Can I help you with something, macho?
 [Sighs]
 [Crash, cheering]
 I said, "Can I help you with something, chief?"
 [School bell rings]
 I didn't think so.
 My dad was gonna beat up your dad.
 No more secrets. Deal?
 Soon. Definitely soon.
 I even have to share a room with him...
 because he's so afraid of being alone.
 LIZZIE: "Watch out for Matt, Take care of Matt.
 GORDO: "Show Matt right from wrong."
 LIZZIE: I shouldn't be responsible for anybody but me.
 MIRANDA: You're so right, Lizzie.
 What's so special about being a McGuire?
 I wish I could go away to your world, Floop.
 You'd be my friend.
 SONNY: I thank you all...
 for attending today's demonstration.
 Year after year...
 we pay outrageous sums of money to several inventors...
 to come up with our technologies.
 Oscar is one such visionary.
 However, his inventions are somewhat questionable...
 and, therefore, need to be evaluated.
 You promised us an army, Mr. Floop...
 but our first billion dollars bought us only this--
 mutated secret agents.
 The mutative process and brain wipe...
 caused their minds to turn to mush.
 I have found little use for them except as novelties on my--
 well, my children's show, currently rated number two?
 Number two.
 What is that? are these finger men?
 Oh. They're called Thumb-thumbs.
 Very capable robots.
 All thumbs. Useless.
 OSCAR: Sonny, I think you'll enjoy this.
 Through that door, an awesome power will emerge.
 You will have but a moment to disarm it.
 In exactly ten seconds.
 Seven...
 Five...
 Three...
 OSCAR: One.
 [Creaking]
 Johnny?
 Uhh !
 [Sonny groaning]
 - You hesitated. - I had to. He's my son.
 Are you sure?
 OSCAR: Actually, I designed him.
 I built him !
 His name is...
 X- - - - - the second.
 This is your big idea?
 Robot kids that look like my children.
 The president's daughter?
 An almost-exact replica.
 Sometimes in order to think big...
 you have to think small.
 OSCAR: Through physio-electrical imaging...
 I can make them look like anyone...
 yet the cunning and intelligence...
 of the world's greatest espionage agents...
 all rolled into tiny packages I call "Spy Kids."
 Tell me, Spy Kids...
 with your vast stores of knowledge...
 what are four of the five physiological indications...
 that a human being is lying?
 [Speaking in robot language]
 They're not quite finished.
 Missing one crucial element.
 Missing what?
 Their brains.
 These buckets of bolts will never pass as children !
 We have a schedule to keep, Floop--
 a window of opportunity that's closing fast!
 We will be back in two days to pick up our army...
 or we'll take whatever you do have, cut our losses...
 and lay your entire silly empire to waste!
 No more time.
 Escort Sonny back to his chopper, children.
 Ow! Ow!
 - That was brilliant, sir. - Thank you, Minion.
 Now all I have to do is make them work for real.
 SONNY: Ow!
 - You're going where? - On assignment.
 Several OSS agents are missing, including Mr. Dig.
 No ransom, no demands. They just disappeared.
 After nine years, you are accepting an assignment?
 - Why? - In a word, Tudgeman.
 Larry Tudgeman himself called?
 SAM: He called, asked me to go in.
 I'm going with you.
 Jo, you're always looking to go on another mission...
 but we have children now.
 SAM: We can't both leave.
 I want to go on an adventure. I want to save the world.
 JO: Again? Honey, it's old.
 If it wasn't for Mr. Dig and the other agents...
 I would be turning this mission down myself.
 SAM: I mean, clearly.
 You're gonna turn me down?
 Me?
 Spy boy.
 [Whispering]
 Jo, Honey...Honey.
 [Clears throat]
 What--what about the kids?
 - Larry Tudgeman! - Tudgeman!
 Hey, churros, how are you?
 Last time I saw you, you were this big.
 You're shrinking. What's up?
 Here, take this bag.
 Thanks for coming on short notice, guy.
 That's what families are for. That's what I hear, anyway.
 Do I know you?
 [Engine starts]
 - Feels, uh-- - Like old times?
 [Whispers] Yeah.
 JO: S- - - to Santa Cecilia...
 on assignment to Bond.
 COMPUTER VOICE: Missing OSS operatives.
 Agents Sam and Jo McGuire en route.
 Well, it's good to hear those names again.
 - Good evening, Kate Sanders. - Hello, Greg.
 - Ahem. - And Mrs. Cortez.
 Updates.
 KATE: They're being loaded into your central now.
 SAM: Scan the area.
 [Whispers] All right.
 Why don't we call them?
 They'll be getting up for school soon.
 They should know what we're up to.
 Jo.
 You're right.
 Oh, our first time out in nearly a decade...
 and all we can do is think about the children.
 You should see OSS escort, Agent--
 [Scrambled transmission]
 Repeat the rendezvous point.
 [Static]
 Believe in yourself.
 Picking up a--a TV satellite?
 And you, Mr. and Mrs. McGuire.
 I believe you have something that I want.
 No. I know who that is. That's-- We've got a follower.
 Not for long. Watch this.
 What's that?
 They got us. They got--
 Uhh !
 And this is what Lizzie would look like as a Fooglie.
 [Alarm sounding]
 [Alarm sounding]
 - [Siren sounding] LIZZIE: Oh, my gosh.
 Is this a fire drill?
 Put these on quickly. We don't have any time to--
 [Alarm stops]
 Follow me. Follow me. Come on !
 Come on ! Follow me!
 There's a lot for you to know and very little time to explain.
 LIZZIE: Tudgeman!
 The first of which is, I'm the School Geek.
 Your parents are international spies.
 Good ones, but they've been mostly inactive...
 for the last nine years.
 What are you talking about?
 I was assigned to protect your family...
 but something's gone wrong.
 I have to take you to the safe house.
 My parents can't be spies. They're not cool enough.
 That's cool.
 LARRY: According to the coordinates...
 in my locating device, they're being taken to Asia...
 or South America.
 Go in there. I'll be right back.
 And if you're not?
 Hit the blue button to seal the door...
 and the green button to go.
 Is this a joke?
 [Muttering]
 [Breaking glass]
 MATT: Cool! Lizzie, look!
 Lizzie !
 [Electronic beeping]
 Whoa !
 You'll have to go to the safe house without me.
 - Go now! LIZZIE: Larry, look out!
 - Yeah ! Yeah ! - Find the OSS!
 Tell them the Third Brain lives! You must find--
 MATT: Tudgeman, behind you!
 LIZZIE: What are those things?
 MATT: Get them!
 LIZZIE: We can't leave Tudgeman behind !
 [Crash]
 Oh, yes, we can.
 Blue to close, green to go. Quick!
 Here's the green button. Blue button first!
 LIZZIE: Matt! You never do anything right!
 Blue, then green ! You gotta seal the door!
 I can't find the blue!
 LIZZIE: Hang on !
 MATT: What are those things?
 I don't know, but they're catching up!
 - Where's the gas pedal? - LIZZIE: No! Don't touch anything !
 [Electronic sounds]
 You dork! You switched it to manual!
 Aah !
 MATT: How do you work this thing?
 LIZZIE: It was programmed to take us to the safe house.
 TOON LIZZIE: The cheerleader table is like the Oscars. You only go if you’re... Whoa!
 Aah !
 LIZZIE: Matt?
 Matt?
 Matt, what are you doing down there?
 MATT: Help me!
 [Screaming]
 LIZZIE: Hang on ! I'm coming to get you !
 Uhh !
 [Electronic beeping]
 Uhh ! Aah !
 COMPUTER: Autopilot re-engaged.
 LIZZIE: Wow!
 We are definitely gonna be late for school.
 Stop shaking.
 MATT: I can't.
 Stop shaking, or you'll give yourself more magic tricks.
 LIZZIE: We're totally gonna be fine. Just be cool...
 and do exactly as I say.
 MATT: OK.
 [Electronic beeping]
 [Computer engages]
 COMPUTER: Welcome to the N.I.X. Super Guppy.
 [Beeping and whistling]
 LIZZIE: Matt, don't touch anything.
 Matt!
 - Whoa ! - Whoa ! Cool.
 COMPUTER: Destination--safe house.
 Estimated time for arrival... two hours, thirty minutes.
 LIZZIE: Matt, close your eyes. MATT: Why?
 Just keep them shut, all right?
 OK, you can open your eyes now.
 LIZZIE: Thanks.
 I just don't want you crying all over me.
 We're never gonna see them again, are we?
 [Chiming]
 COMPUTER: Refreshments ready.
 Would you care for a lullaby, sir?
 [Flushing]
 Now flushing your poop.
 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
 [Computer mumbling]
 Very dangerous.
 [Chittering]
 JO: Characters from Floop's TV show.
 They're prisoners.
 SONNY: We need the Brain, Minion.
 We're running out of time.
 Don't worry, sir. Sam and Jo McGuire...
 are the only agents I know of that never had a weakness...
 MINION: but times change.
 Now they have two.
 MATT: Did you lock it?
 [Theft alarm beeping]
 LIZZIE: Yep.
 That's the safe house?
 MATT: Looks more like an outhouse.
 DOOR: Your name?
 LIZZIE: Lizzie McGuire.
 DOOR: Your full name, please.
 I don't use my full name. It's too long.
 Your full name, please.
 Lizzie Elizabeth Brooke McGuire.
 My name's a pass-code?
 [Generator humming]
 [Machines beeping]
 Whoa.
 This place is amazing.
 Empty.
 How safe is a safe house if there's nothing to eat?
 [Gears winding]
 MATT: "Ethan Craft's Buddy Pack"?
 Whoa !
 LIZZIE: Emergency cash?
 From every country.
 I think I'd better take all of that.
 Check it out.
 Thank you, Lizzie !
 LIZZIE: We'll see them again. Just like they said.
 So this time we're supposed to believe them.
 Let's stop worrying about the children.
 TOON LIZZIE: Okay, something serious is going on with Miranda. She's... Ooh, Goodie! [eats a mini hotdog] 
 LIZZIE: They still wear my outfits at the fashion show.
 MATT: Only is in my magic trick and only at night.
 It's not that unusual, OK?
 This is why I never wanted to go on another mission.
 Are you blaming me for this?
 An hour ago you seemed happy to be back in the game.
 An hour ago I was not a prisoner of war.
 OK, we're a little rusty, that's all.
 This is one way to find out who's behind all this.
 If I can just get the pressure right.
 She's still got it.
 How did you do that?
 Hey, hey, hey, what about me?
 Remember when we could sense danger a mile away?
 [Floor cracking]
 - Those were the days. - Yeah.
 No.
 JO: Aah ! Sweetheart!
 Oh !
 Oh ! Heh heh !
 Clever.
 OK, OK, come on, come on.
 - All right. - Yeah, yeah, fine.
 Very clever.
 Virtual room.
 Let's go.
 Where are we?
 You gotta give him points for imagination.
 Whoa !
 [Ticking]
 Fifteen minutes to escape.
 With your reputations I was expecting something...
 a little more impressive.
 Finally, we can eat!
 SAM: So, you are Oscar as Floop.
 Mmhh ! You watch my show!
 SAM: No, my son does.
 He does? Wonderful!
 Lizzie and Matt.
 But not your daughter...
 Lizzie, isn't it?
 And Matt? Heh heh !
 Your children will be joining us soon.
 Careful!
 I snap my fingers...
 and my fingers snap you.
 Heh heh !
 Where are the OSS agents you've taken?
 Twelve years ago...
 they were part of a research team for the OSS...
 attempting to create a synthetic intelligence...
 a compendium of spy knowledge, if you will.
 Research since destroyed.
 If the OSS destroyed its research...
 it was for a reason.
 We all have our reasons, hmm?
 There was someone else on that research team, hmm?
 Someone else who could rebuild it.
 Isn't that right, Mr. McGuire?
 [Gulps]
 Larry Tudgeman.
 [Chattering and squealing]
 I think he's gonna be a best-seller.
 And just in time for the holiday rush.
 Heh... heh... heh !
 I will never, ever build anything for you.
 Thank you for joining us.
 Whoa !
 Whoa !
 Meanwhile, Lizzie and Matt suit up in their spy outfits, spy watches and some spy equippment. Lizzie using her pose, Matt using his pose but falls down.
 [Metal crashing]
 LIZZIE: "How To Be A Spy. "
 Author unknown.
 "A good spy uses--"
 MATT: [Voice booming] Testing ! One, two--
 LIZZIE: Ow! Crud ! You're too close!
 "A good spy uses his head." Got that?
 It's the first one in the book.
 Matt: Ew, gross!
 - What do you see? - You.
 LIZZIE: Very funny. Focus your eyes closer...
 on the glasses themselves.
 MATT: Whoa ! Maps and readouts.
 LIZZIE: That's the computer screen.
 It's a database of some kind.
 LIZZIE: The wedding from the story.
 It was theirs.
 They should've told us about this stuff.
 MATT: Yeah? What about Lanny and Melina...
 and all your make-believe friends?
 LIZZIE: Should Mom and Dad know about that?
 What about all the days you skip school?
 - Want them to know about that? - That's my business.
 Uh, Lizzie?
 I don't have a key. Go knock it against something.
 LIZZIE: "A good spy has no fear."
 Sorry, Matt. Guess you can't be a spy.
 "A good spy puts himself--" herself--
 "in the mind-set of the opponent."
 Mind-set.
 That's exactly what we'll do.
 I think it's up to us. You with me?
 MATT: With you what? LIZZIE: Find the OSS like Larry said.
 MATT: OK. LIZZIE: Then let's go.
Category:Credits