Actual Medical Charts

*The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
*Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
*The skin was moist and dry.
*Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
*She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.
*Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
*The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
*I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
*The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
*Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.
*Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
*She is numb from her toes down.
*Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.
*While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
*The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
*The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
*Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
*Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.
*Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.
*Patient was alert and unresponsive.
*When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room. 
Category:Medical Humor
Category:Language Humor