Leader Bastard

"Leader Bastard" is the Season 3 premiere of Life in Bikini Bottom, and the 30th episode overall.
==Characters==
*SpongeCock SquarePants
*Fatprick Star
*Shitward Testicles
*Eugene F. Kraps
*Sheldon D. Bastard
*Shattered Penis
*ComputerBitch5000
*Polfgecks652
*
*
*Karen
*
*Gory the Snail
==Synopsis==
Sheldon D. Bastard officially becomes the ruler of Bikini Bottom, but instead of following through with his original plan of installing an anarchy, he decides to continue the fascism created under the US government. Meanwhile, among concerns with the coronavirus, the US moves their 2020 Presidential Election to Bikini Bottom.
==Plot==
PREVIOUSLY, ON LIFE IN BIKINI BOTTOM...
Shows a montage of events that happened in “Pfff… Welp.” The US Air Force invades Bikini Bottom, parts of the war are shown, Sully and X are shown being taken, the US’ coup d'état on Bikini Bottom, SpongeCock working on the statue, and Sheldon Bastard winking at the new government leaders.
The scene then cuts to a black screen, as Fatprick walks into view, his gut sloshing around. He starts to scream. “And now, for the season you’ve waited 3 years for…. WELCOME TO LIBB SEASON 3!” He then jumps up in joy, but indigestion catches up with him. “Anyone got a toilet in this void?” “No!” an offscreen member of the fascist Bikini Bottom government says, showing to be offscreen. “Now get with the new theme song!” “Pfff, alright.”
Donald Trump: I’m going down to Bikini Bottom, gonna grab myself a pussy!
SpongeCock + Shitward: Fascism is everywhere, you don’t know what you got into!
Joe Biden: I’m going down to Bikini Bottom, gonna sniff myself some hair.
Fatprick: I was gonna take a shit, the government is tryna stop me!
Bernie Sanders: I’m going down to Bikini Bottom, let’s have Medicare for All!
Gory: Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow!
Mr. Kraps: They just took all of me money…
Sheldon Bastard: So come on down to Bikini Bottom, because you’ll be my slave here!
The REAL episode starts back up with Sheldon Bastard standing in the new town hall. “Gentlemen, I have a proposition for you all.” “What is it, pipsqueak? We have a town to terrorize.” Shattered Penis says, who is revealed to be the leader of the US-Bikini Bottom territory. “Come on now, Mr. Penis,” Chris comes in. “He’s just a Russian puppet.” “But I live in Bikini Bottom!” Sheldon comes forward.” “Even worse!” Chris replies. “Give me one reason we shouldn’t shoot you,” Shattered Penis says, as one the guards pulls out a rifle. “Alright, chill! Sheldon says. Need to check your tampon because you are bleeding heavy down there. Anyway, what if I told you fascists that I hate this town just as much as you do?” 
“You do, ey?” Shattered Penis questions. “If you hate it that much, why don’t you just leave it?” “Ah, so you’re all right-wingers! Perfect,” Sheldon says. A tiny antenna pops out of his ear, as it turns out that SpongeCock is talking to him. “Alright, Bastard, you know what to do,” he says, ducking behind a government statue. The atmosphere around him is shown to be vastly destroyed already. The sky is starting to get polluted, as many government officials are whipping the backs of Bikini Bottomites. We see one whipping Mr. Kraps. “Get back to work, Kraps! We don’t have all day,” he says, slashing Kraps. Oh yeah, you KNOW I love that action. Hit me harder, daddy.” It then cuts back to SpongeCock. “Just lie and say you’re a right winger like them. We all know you’re an anarchist. That’s what you’re gonna do, right?” “Yeah, of course,” Sheldon replies, whispering so Shattered Penis doesn’t hear him. “Good.” SpongeCock then gets hit by an official. “I didn’t tell you to stop! Keep WORKING!” He continues to whack him with the baton as it cuts to Sheldon cringing and turning the earpiece off.
“Look at me, gentlemen. I am a small man,” Sheldon reasons. Shattered Penis then laughs. “In more ways than one, I presume?” “SHUT UP! Anyway, no. I get trampled on by all of these degenerates. It’s my time to shine! And that’s why I’d LOVE to request for the role of dictator of the US-Bikini Bottom fascist territory.” Chris raises an eyebrow. “You thinks this is fascism? It’s authoritarian communism.” “Yeah, I don’t know. I think this guy just wants to nationalize Bikini Bottom again,” Shattered Penis says. As the guards go to raise their rifles again, Sheldon stops them. “I’m not a phony! I swear! I’m even willing to have the US remain their oversight,” he offers. “Perhaps President Trump can golf down here!” “Nah, he’d rather swallow other balls. But I suppose there is ONE condition as to which you can prove that you’re trustworthy enough to take the throne,” Shattered Penis offers. “And then you’ll be the ruler of the brand new US territory, Bikini Bottom.” “Okay, nice, so we’re making some negotiations now. What would that task be, Leader Penis?” Shattered Penis glances at Chris and nods his head. “Go ahead, sir,” Chris says. Shattered Penis then stands up behind his desk and drops his pants, as to which Sheldon looks the other way. “Mr. Bastard,” he then starts, “I need you to learn the clarinet at school.”
 
Sheldon looks over in shock, with an exaggerated expression and a wide open mouth. “WHAT THE?! I have a wife you know! Besides, why does your inchworm have a nail in it?” “Well, they don’t call me Shattered Penis for nothing, you know.” “EW!” Sheldon continues. “It’s not worth it! It’s just not worth it.” Shattered Penis’ eyes start to water “COME ON, Mr. Bastard! The nail is just extra calcium. Remember, you’ll get to do whatever you want after this,” he tries to persuade him. Sheldon then stops to think about it, rolling his eyes as he makes a decision. “Alright, fine. Let’s get this over with.” He runs over to behind the desk, gets onto a stool, checks his spit, and then it cuts to in front of the desk. “Here goes nothing,” he says, as sucking noises are starting to be heard. Shattered Penis also starts giggling as it cuts to a shot of SpongeCock and Shitward carrying a stack of bricks, hearing and being disturbed by the noises. “I hope he’s doing alright, SpongeCock says. “Yeah, me too,” Shitward adds.
 MEANWHILE, AT THE WHITE HOUSE
Donald Trump was seen laying at his desk taking a nap with a bag of potato chips. He starts to grab a handful as he continues to chomp on them with his eyes closed. “Man! I LOVE being president,” he says. At that moment, his secretary Karen bursts into the oval office. “President Trump, may I have a word with you?” Trump then falls back in his chair. “AH! Karen, you startled me. What could you possibly be doing in here?” “Well, Mr. President, I was just trying to inform you of your current situation in this year’s election.” “WHAT?!” Trump shouts, dropping his chips. “ANOTHER election? How could that be possible?!” “Sir, there’s an election every four years. Your term is almost up,” she says. “That can’t be right…” Trump says. “Isn’t it 2017? I thought I just signed the travel ban to keep the drug dealers out.” “No, sir,” Karen corrects him. “It’s 2020 and your incompetence is being exposed in the systemic racism police brutality riots. You really need to start campaigning if you want to keep your position.” Trump is then shown staring at Karen’s boobs. “Well, you lost me at incompetence, but DAMN, you have a nice chest.” Karen then rolls her eyes as Trump picks his chip bag back up. “Look, Karen, Biden will probably forget that he’s running mid sentence.” “And you forgot that you’re running two minutes ago,” Karen replies. At that moment, Mike Pence walks in, clearly in an urgent manner.
“Sir, sir, we’re in some dire times and we need your leadership, Pence says, shuffling some papers. “They say we need to move the 2020 election or else we’ll all be in danger of catching the coronavirus.” Trump is then shown staring at Pence’s chest. “Well, you lost me at leadership, but DAMN, your chest is flat.” “Uh, Mr. Trump? It’s me, Mike Pence.” “Oh, right, hehe,” Trump says, standing up. Sorry about that. Anyway, what’s the coronavirus again?” Pence then facepalms “Look, we’re just moving out campaign to Bikini Bottom, our new territory,” Pence says, “If that’s fine by you.” “Eh… is there a new episode of Fox & Friends in it for me?” Trump asks, starting to eat more chips. “Yeah, sure.” “GREAT! We’ll move tomorrow.”
 BACK IN BIKINI BOTTOM (WHERE YOU PROBABLY WANT US TO BE)
The episode cuts to in front of the desk, where Shattered Penis is shown moaning and more sucking noises are heard. “Oh, boy! Oh Ben Benny Benny Boy,” he kept exclaiming. “AHHHH….oh FUCK….” Then he released as he fell back into his chair in relief. “Oh man… that was great.” He pulls his pants up as the camera cuts to Sheldon who spits out a mouthful of cum and splinters “That was disgusting.” Sheldon wipes his mouth while gargling a bottle of Pluto Vodka. “Alright, now that I’ve done the deed, NOW can I be the new dictator?” “Why yes, I’m a man of my word. Congratulations Mr. Bastard,” as he shakes his hand mid sentence, “you are the new leader of the US territory Bikini Bottom!” “LET’S GO!” Sheldon yells as he pumps his arm. “I am too GREAT. Heheh…” he’s eventually stopped by a dildo, which he chokes out of his mouth. “I need to stop doing that,” he says nonchalantly. At that moment, SpongeBob taps back to the earpiece. “Excuse me for a second,” Sheldon pardons, as he scurries off into the corner. “What do you want, SpongeCock?” “I was just asking if you did… you know, what we wanted you to do.” “Oh, right,” Sheldon says. “Yeah, I had to blow Shattered Penis for it, but I have Bikini Bottom in my hands.” 
“Excellent…” SpongeCock says and starts to laugh maniacally. He then calls over Fatprick, Kraps, and Shitward. “Yo, guys! Sheldon did it!” “Damn… I guess I was wrong about you, Bastard,” Kraps says. “You’re finally gonna give us independence, right? These last couple weeks have been pure hell.” This line causes Sheldon to stop and think for a second, stumbling over his thoughts. “Hm…. yeah.” He then nods as he gets an evil grin on his face. “Yeah, I’ll restore your rights. Your assholes will all be cleansed of fascist shit. Now, if you excuse me, I have some diplomatic necessities to attend to.” Sheldon then hangs up as it cuts to the gang over by the Shattered Penis monument. “Let’s go! The social revolution is nigh! Uh- Fatprick! What are you doing over there?” It then shows Fatprick bathing in a pile of ice cream cake with a blow-up doll. “Oh yeah baby! VICTORY SMASH!” He then covers the doll in ice cream cake and eats it off of her while the others look in disgust. “Oh yeah boys, join the fun!” “No,” the three of them say in unison. “I have to take me weed back…” Kraps says as he walks away.
Sheldon is pacing the floor, thinking about what he wants to do. “Hm… do I follow through with my promises and create an anarchy, or exploit this shitty town for my personal gain and side with America.” “Uh, we’re right here, you know,” Shattered Penis tells him. “Fuck you, this is your government anymore.” “Actually, this is still US property, you just own it.” “Whatever,” Sheldon says nonchalantly. “My first act as ruler will be to deport all of you out of my office!” “Your wish is our command…” Chris says, waving his arms around. This leads to Bastard staring blankly at them. “Oh… sorry, sir.” Everyone then walks out except for Sheldon, who just jumps onto his desk. “Hm… I better play it safe. Medicare for all, here we g-“ he gets interrupted by a phone call, to which he picks up. “Yello?”
“Greetings, I heard that this is the new ruler of Bikini Bottom, our AMAZING territory,” Trump says, showing it to be him on a jet to Bikini Bottom. “I have some news.” “Ah, if it isn’t notorious rapist and war criminal Donald John Trump. What do you wish to tell me?” “Hey now, Ivanka consented! Anyway, because of the corollavirus, we’re moving the upcoming election to Bikini Bottom.” Sheldon listened to it, fazed by the announcement. “A corolla is a Toyota, Mr. President. I think you mean coronavirus.” “Right, whatever. So we were wondering if we could have permission to hold the election there,” he says. Sheldon then begins the laugh. “Pfff, since when did you care about permission? I thought you just grabbed them by the-“ “Oh, right, silly me!” Trump interrupts him with. “Welp, we’ll see you in a couple hours. See ya!” Trump hangs up as he kicked back in his chair, sipping on a Sex on the Beach. Trump and Pence (who is sitting right next to him) then rip off their skin and clothes, revealing that they were actually swapped. “Well, I must say, Mike,” Trump says, “you really need to work on my character.” “Sorry Donald, it’s just that… I’m a catholic, you know.” “Oh, I see” Trump replies, “unless you’re one of those rapist priests, I admittedly don’t want anything to do with it.”
The scene then cuts to Sheldon, who is jumping off of his desk and starts to laugh. “YES! YES, THIS IS PERFECT!” ComputerBitch5000 starts to roll in. “Sheldon, honey, I can’t wait for us to be government leaders!” “Neither can I, my dear computer bitch. In fact, my plan is coming into full fruition. I’m getting so HARD just thinking about it,” Sheldon tells him. ComputerBitch5000’s screen shows a deadpan expression. “Did… did I miss something?” “CB5000, I told you this day would come. The day where the US would finally submit to the coronavirus!” “Well, the whole world has been on lockdown for months now. What are you saying?” Sheldon walks around pacing the floor. “It’s perfect, babe. Donald Trump just called me - they’re suspending all election operations and moving them here!” “So how does this benefit us?” 
“Think about it - I created the coronavirus months ago in my lab and nobody thought it would work. I released the bats, did my dirty work - and yes, the work was very dirty - and now I’m not only the leader of Bikini Bottom, but I also have the entire US government on my HOME TURF!” ComputerBitch5000 then starts leaking juices from her wheels. “Oh baby… this makes me SOOO wet!” “Yeah, I know how much you love me being in power, CB5000.” “What? No, you damn fool! I wasn’t talking about that. I was talking about that cute little nightgown on you!” She then starts giggling seductively. “Woo mama!” “This isn’t a nightgown, my dear. It’s a..” he gets interrupted by ComputerBitch5000 rolling over Sheldon and him being trampled with her glistening computer juices in his mouth. He quickly splits it up and gets back up. “God, I need to stop getting all this weird shit in my mouth.” “Oops, sorry honey bunches,” ComputerBitch5000 apologizes. “Eh…” Sheldon replies. “Time to go put the finishing touches on my robot.”
 BACK AT SPONGECOCK’S SUCKY PINYAPPLE
SpongeCock and Fatprick walked into the pinyapple after a long day of work cut short. “Hell yeah, our plan worked Fatprick!” SpongeCock exclaims as he throws his work boots off. “Yeah!” Fatprick replies. “Uh… what plan again?” SpongeCock rolls his eyes. “To make Sheldon D. Bastard take Bikini Bottom for himself, and then he gives our rights back to us.” “Oh… where’s my ice cream cake?” SpongeCock then slaps Fatprick. “Bad boy.” Fricky then rushes over to the door to alert SpongeCock. “Uh, dad, we have company!” He jumps up in anxiety. “Oh, really,” SpongeCock kneels down. “Oh! Are X and Sully back?” “No,” Fricky corrects him. “You’re not gonna like who showed up.” “Oh, come on, Fricky. They can’t be that-“ mid-sentence, he gets interrupted by Donald Trump, who walks into the living room while shouting “I’M HERE!” SpongeCock then gets shocked so much that he literally shits his pants. “Mmm… tasty…” Fatprick mutters. “Donald Trump?! The extremely incredibly rich president of the United States with an extremely bad haircut and 25 rape allegations! What are you doing in my house?!” “Why SpongeCock, that answer is so simple. Like, it’s such an incredibly simple answer. You wouldn’t believe how simple it is.” “Okay. Just tell me,” SpongeCock requests.
“Well, you may or not be aware of the corollavirus. I mean, Toyotas are shitty fuckin’ cars anyway, but eh.” “You mean the coronavirus?” SpongeCock counters. “WHAT?! WHERE?!” Fatprick jumps up, then crashing through the wall. SpongeCock and Trump both look out. “Right…” Trump continues. “Well, we’ve decided to move the election down here, since Bikini Bottom is now our land and is COVID-19 free.” Fatprick then comes back to the Pinyapple. “AND there’s 19 of them?! Oh god…” He then goes back running around all over the street. The view then cuts to SpongeCock and Trump’s conversation, but with Fatprick running around in the background. “So you’re saying Sheldon allowed you to hold the election here? Both you AND Joe Biden are down here?!” “Well, Bikini Bottom is still an American entity,” Trump responds. “We like having all that foreign policy power… hehehehe.” “Pfff… welp.” SpongeCock proclaims. Just then, the TV turns on with a news bulletin, as Ronnie Snickersnee comes up.
“BREAKING NEWS!” Snickersnee yells. “We have a live report with new Bikini Bottom diplomat Sheldon D. Bastard. He is holding a press conference at the Cum Bucket at the moment.” “Turn it up, Fricky!” SpongeCock yells, as Fricky flips him the bird and turns the volume up. The scene cuts to the press conference, where Sheldon is at the podium. “Well, I was originally going to create an anarchy and restore unity to Bikini Bottom when I gained power from the US,” Sheldon starts. “SHELDON! I heard you did some DIRTY WORK to become leader,” ComputerBitch5000 yells from the background. “Mind telling me about this disgraceful behavior?” “Shut up, computer bitch! We’ll do some sado-masochism later.” He then turns back to the audience. “Anyway… I was going to hold to my own ideals. But as soon as I realized I was still working with the extremely far-right US, I knew I had to betray my piece of shit allies and exploit my personal gain. Hey, I’m really starting to sound like a politician now!” 
“WHAT THE!” SpongeCock yells, starting to fume. “Traitor! I can’t believe that this place is STILL a fascist government.” “Well, considering what I’ve accomplished in the US over the last 3 years…” Trump leans in mid sentence, “...yeah.” Fatprick then comes running back into the house. “Phew. Well at least Joe Biden isn’t here, right?” Gory then comes into the room, choking up a storm. It then shows that Joe Biden is in Gory’s mouth as he comes out, covered in slime. “Hey.. uh, where am I again?” Biden says confused. SpongeCock then runs up to his room, locking the door behind him and panting. He goes over to his Bernie poster, kneeling in front of it. “If only you were president, Bern.” The camera then cuts to the poster zooming in. “If only you were in charge.” He then pours a glass of liquor and downs it quickly in despair. “Hm…” he then shifts his eyes over to a different poster across the room, showing a picture of Assy Cheeks. He starts to get a grin and reaches his hands down into his pants, starting to stroke. “Oh yeah, relieve all my problems, wonder hand,” SpongeCock mutters. However, Trump walks upstairs to find SpongeCock pleasuring himself. “Oh boy, this looks like fun! What are you jacking off to?” “GAH! Trump! What are you doing up here?!” SpongeCock shrieks while jumping up and moving backwards. “I was gonna ask if you had any fried chicken here. But now I realize that you’re in dire need of revenge!” “Yeah, I guess you could say that.” “Well, think about it SpongeCock,” Trump goes on, pouring himself the liquor SpongeCock was drinking. “When I’m mad at someone, I exercise my second amendment rights. This is America, you know” SpongeCock shows a deadpan expression. “I don’t think that’ll do anything, Donny. I don’t have access to any guns.” “Hm… well perhaps you could write an angry tweet about them like I do.” SpongeCock then folds his hands together and his nose starts to grow out. “You mean a teet? If so, that is a FANTASTIC idea! Perhaps that will teach that bastard a lesson,” SpongeCock then grabs his phone and opens Titter. His fingers start tapping on the keyboard and he is revealed to be typing Leader Bastard is a FASCIST! A filthy, fascist pig. And he also slurped Former Leader Shattered Penis’ cock. “Oh and by the way, the fried chicken is on the door of the fridge,” SpongeCock alerts Trump. “SCORE!” he yells in reply, with Fatprick following him.
The episode then cuts to the Cum Bucket, where Sheldon is using a blowtorch to sharpen the edges on a new invention. He then takes his mask off, as he admires his creation, which is the robot he was talking about earlier. “Oh yeah boys, here we are! My newest creation to help terrorize Bikini Bottom in a similar fashion to Israel terrorizing Palestine.” ComputerBitch5000 rolls in. “So, are you finally ready to talk about you giving sloppy seconds to Shattered Penis?” “There’s no time for that, honey.” Sheldon cuts her off. Behold, my latest invention - Polfgecks652!” A rundown of the robot is seen. It is shaped like a bana and his painted like a penguin, having a screen in the middle. “Polfgecks652, the number one Joe Biden supporter, reporting for duty,” it bursts out while short circuiting. “Ah yes, Polfgecks652! Welcome to this fucking shithole Earth.” “EXCUSE ME. Cease that blasphemy,” Polfgecks shouts in a gurgly voice. “Oh hell yeah,” Sheldon gets excited. “I’m so ready to wreak some havoc with this guy. Soon enough, everything will be MINE!” He then continues to laugh maniacally and make evil gestures until another nail falls out of his mouth. ComputerBitch5000 looks down at him. “Sheldon, honey, we NEED to-“ “Yeah, yeah, we’ll worry about that later, I swear,” Sheldon reassures ComputerBitch5000. 
“ALERT! ALERT! New Titter notification! New Titter notification,” Polfgecks flashes, as SpongeCock’s teet appears on his screen. “WHAT THE?! What is this rapscallion behavior by one of my subjects?” “Not acceptable,” Polfgecks replies with. “Well, well, if SpongeCock wants to talk back to his new leader,” Sheldon says, “then perhaps it’s time for a FLAME WAR!” Sheldon starts laughing until ComputerBitch5000 starts to edge a lighter closer to him. “Hey, I didn’t mean it like THAT, computer bitch?” “Mean what?” “That’s not what a flame war is, CB5000?” Sheldon yells. “Oh, that? I thought we were doing that BDSM session you talked about earlier. My bad then,” ComputerBitch5000 apologizes and Sheldon has a deadpan expression as the episode ends.
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