Circular Heavy Torture Device

The sixth episode of season 2. Enjoy!
==Script==
*(Rack, NH and US are in a waiting room at a vet.)
*Rack: I'm really disappointed in you, NH. How dare you be so neglectful to your hygiene and have fleas?! You're not getting any squirrels for a week or no dessert for a week!
*NH: What?! No! I swear, it was US's collection that gave me them! I've never had fleas!
*(A flea is heard.)
*NH: Stop moving!
*US: Wow NY, I didn't know you swore.
*NH: Never mind that! Why do you even have a collection of them in the first place?!
*US: So I can train them to carry and walk for me when they're grown up, duh.
*NH: ........Why do I even bother speaking to you..........
*Rack: Either way, you've been bad doggie and now I'm gonna lose a lot of money thanks to this!
*NH: You and your needs. Let's just get this over with.
*Secretary: (chewing gum, unenthusiastic tone): Alright, R-rock?
*Rack: It's Rack.
*US: No, it's Raclk.
*Secretary: Whatever. Dr. Bumlips is here and you're up.
*Rack: Okay, thanks!
*(Rack yanks NH and they walk out.)
*Secretary: Whatever.
*(Blows bubble gum and it pops.)
*US: I'm bored. Can I wreck this place?
*Secretary: Whatever.
*US: Wooooooooooo!
*(US starts ruining the office.)
*Secretary: Darn it! Out of gum! Eh, I'll just chew on my pen.
*(The secretary chews on pen.)
*(Cut to Rack and NH.)
*NH: That was pointless.
*Rack: Hm...... I wonder which door............
*(Rack opens the first door. The Old Man and a veterinarian is in there.)
*Veterinarian: Wow, you're one of my greatest patients!
*Old Man: Thank you very much! You know, there should be more people like you! People like you are a rare find these days! Why back then there was people like you who were so nice and gave compliments.......
*Veterinarian: I take it back.
*Old Man: You little trickster! You got me there for a second! Forget what I said, you're just like the scum of today! Why I never....
*(Rack closes it.)
*NH: Can we please stop giving pointless characters parts?
*Rack: Perfect! Dr. Bumlips!
*(Rack opens the door.)
*Dr. Bumlips: There you two are! What took you so long?
*Rack: The secretary didn't tell us which door.
*Dr. Bumlips: Yeah, she has a tendency to do that. Anyway, let's start the check up!
*NH: (unenthusiastic): Yay.
*Dr. Bumlips: Hey little guy. Want a lollipop?
*NH: No, but I'll have your hand!
*(NH bites his hand. It turns out Bumlips's hand is mechanical.)
*Dr. Bumlips: Ha ha! Nice try, buddy! But I learned from last time! Let's see how your bite is.
*(Bumlips scans it on his computer.)
*Dr. Bumlips: Wow! That is one huge bite!
*NH: Keep toying with me and I'll show you a bigger one.
*Dr. Bumlips: That's cute! (Ruffles his hair, many fleas come out)
*Dr. Bumlips: Oh my! You have quite a lot of fleas!
*NH: Thank you, Mr. Exposition.
*Dr. Bumlips: Looks like you're gonna need a flea dip.
*NH: NOOOOOOO! ME NO LIKE WATER!
*Dr. Bumlips: It'll only be a quick sec!
*NH: Try three hours.
*(Three hours later.)
*NH: See?
*Dr. Bumlips: Alright, done!
*NH: Finally.
*Dr. Bumlips: Now let me see your fur. Oh my, you have very messy fur.
*NH: NO! DON'T TOUCH IT! I LIKE IT THIS WAY!
*Dr. Bumlips: Sigh....... another one afraid of water......
*(Later.)
*Dr. Bumlips: Wow, nice strong tail.
*NH: Stop looking at my fanny, you sick twisted parasite of a human!
*(Later........again. NH now has a cone on.)
*Dr. Bumlips: Well the check up's done. I must say you're dog is in bad shape. This cone will help him heal and get those nasty fleas off.
*Rack: Bad doggie!
*Dr. Bumlips: But it's not just his fault.
*Rack: Huh?
*Dr. Bumlips: It is your responsibility to care for him, clean him and keep him healthy. You have been very neglectful as an owner. In fact, you're the most neglectful owner I've seen.
*(NH blows a raspberry.)
*Rack: Well..........
*Dr. Bumlips: Exactly, there's no excuse. It's not too late, though. He still has a strong tail and bite, although his teeth could use some toothpaste.
*NH: Lies! (NH uses toothpick on teeth, his teeth break)
*Rack: I promise you Dr. Bumlips, I'll take better care of him!
*Dr. Bumlips: Excellent. Now, where's my 9,000 dollars?
*Rack: I'll give it to you later.
*(Rack and NH walk away.)
*Dr. Bumlips: Huh, they're the first patients that didn't make fun of my name.
*(Cut to Rack and NH.)
*Rack: I am so sorry, NH. To make it up to you, how about I send you and US to apologize to each other?
*NH: Why not? My life can't get any worse.
*Rack: Okay. (Rack gets phone and calls US) Hello?
*US: (answers with a purple sock): Yo yo yo.
*Rack: So, would you like to hang with NH and apologize to him?
*US: Yeah, sure, whatever. I should spend more time with NY.
*Rack: Good, it's settled!
*(Rack hangs up.)
*Rack: NH, US agreed to spending time with you and apologizing!
*NH: (unenthusiastic): Great.
*Rack: I'll call you once she gets here!
*(Rack goes in the house.)
*NH: Great, I'd rather spend time with Rig.
*(Rig jumps out of a bush.)
*Rig: Hi!
*NH: Spoke too soon........
*Rig: NH, what's the circle-y thing on your head?
*NH: The humans call it a cone. I call it a Circular Heavy Torture Device.
*Rig: Wait, so it's an ice cream cone?
*NH: No!
*Rig: Lemme eat it!
*NH: No! Wait, yes! Eat this off of me!
*Rig: Okie dokie!
*(Rig bites the cone. Her teeth break.)
*(A few hours later.)
*NH: Who knew you could regenerate your teeth?
*Rig: Huh? I thought everyone can do that!
*Rack: Oh NH! US is here!
*NH: (unenthusiastic): Wonderful. I'd rather be neutered.
*(US drives in her purple car, crashing in Rack's garage, breaking it.)
*Rack: That's okay. It was getting messy in there anyway!
*US: Ready to go on a trip, NY?
*NH: No.
*Rack: He said yes! Go in there, doggie.
*(Rack drags NH, throwing him in US's car.)
*Rack: Have fun you two!
*(US drives away.)
*NH: ........Why does everything you have have purple on it?
*US: Because purple is my life. And who are you, and what have you done with NY?!
*NH: It's me, idiot. (Takes it off)
*US: I refuse to believe it!
*NH: Just forget it. (Puts it back on)
*US: So where do you wanna go, bro?
*NH: Somewhere where you aren't.
*US: Really?! I wanted Wendy's too!
*NH: Blegh! I hate fast food!
*US: No way! I love skinless potatoes too!
*NH: I need to learn to keep my mouth shut.
*(Later. US is eating a lot of food.)
*US: (Talking with food in her mouth): And then Dep said, "How come I haven't appeared much lately?" and then I said "Because no one cares about you." and then he cried and went to the bathroom! Isn't that funny?
*NH: Why did you order so much?
*US: Because I still have sweet, greasy and artery clogging food to feed me later when I get hungry again, duh!
*NH: Of course.
*(Later.)
*US: So, I'm bored. Let's do something.
*NH: How about you do something and I do my own thing?
*US: Whatevs.
*NH: (thinking): What should I do to get out of this? I know! Rig! Uh, whoops! (talking): Rig!
*US: Bro, Rig is itter!
*NH: Not really. She's annoying.
*US: I knew you'd agree with me! Whatever you said.
*(Silence occurs.)
*US: So............. darn, you're so boring to have a convo with, total offense.
*NH: Why are you driving in heels?
*US: Why are you barefoot? Answer me that, doggie!
*NH: Never mind. You know, I think you're annoying.
*US: Whatevs, be that way, stranger.
*NH: I'm not a stranger! I'm NY, er, NH!
*US: Whatevs. How about you stop having a nasty attitude and start being nice to me? I've been trying to be nice to you the whole time and all you're doing is being a.......... wait, I can't say that?
*Censor: No.
*US: Darn! As I was saying, you're being an itter, and not the good kind!
*NH: Well maybe if you weren't so lazy or annoying I wouldn't be an itter.
*US: I have a reason, bro. Being pregnant makes you very tired and weak.
*NH: Oh yeah, I entirely forgot you were pregnant.
*US: That's it, bro!
*(US and NH tackle each other, and the car crashes into a tree.)
*US: Of course, I came out without a scratch.
*(NH is in pieces.)
*NH: It's a good thing kids' shows don't show blood.
*(Later. NH is normal, walking with US.)
*NH: Great driving. If I wasn't a cartoon, I would be dead.
*US: Enough of that sarcasm! See, every time I try to be nice to you, you keep acting like this! Can you at least be nice to me once?!
*NH: I don't know. It depends on what idiotic thing you'll do next.
*US: You know what I hate about you? You always leave your darn fluffy fur in my car! It's so gross!
*NH: Oh, that's accidental.
*(NH winks.)
*US: Want more of this?
*NH: More of what? Your stupidity?
*US: Fine, forget it. How about we talk about......... Raclk?
*NH: You mean Rack? He's so annoying.
*US: I know, right? He never stops calling me or leaves me alone. Such a stalker.
*NH: And he keeps feeding me kibble, and he knows I hate that.
*US: Yep, Raclk is very annoying. No denying it.
*NH: He's even more annoying than you.
*US: Who isn't more annoying than Raclk is the question?
*NH: Well, at least that's one thing we all agree on.
*US: Yeah.
*NH: You know, you're not as bad as I thought, but I'm still going to kill you.
*US: Wait, what?
*NH: Nothing. Let's stop talking about this before this gets educational.
*US: Yep.
*(Later. NH and US are walking home.)
*US: Ugh, finally! My legs were getting tired!
*Rack: There you two are! Did you apologize?
*NH: Are you kidding?! This isn't some cheesy sitcom!
*Rack: Oh. Well, get inside NH.
*US: See ya later!
*(NH gets inside.)
*NH: You thought me and US will act different now? Ha! We'll still act the same despite this episode.
*Person: Spoiler!
*NH: Eh, they had to find out sometime.
*THE END.
==Credits==
===Starring===
*Rackliffelikespurple as Rack
*New Heathera as NH
*Utter solitude as US
*Rigbybestie1510 as Rig
*Old Man as Old Man
*Dr. Bumlips as Dr. Bumlips
*Secretary as Secretary
*Veterinarian as Veterinarian
===Writing===
*Written by: Rackliffelikespurple, New Heathera and Utter solitude
===Thanks===
To New Heathera, Utter solitude and Rigbybestie1510 for being the inspirations to the corresponding characters.
==Other==
I think this is a decent ep. At least US wasn't neglected. :P But I'm really excited for next week's ep! :D
Thanks for reading! :D
Category:Episodes