SCP-011

Item #: SCP-011
Object Class: Euclid [That's not true!]
Special Containment Procedures: [Deleted 'em]
Description: [I deleted it.]
Addendum of Dr. Lauter: I'm giving up! This was the 87th time to document this SCP. SCP-011 shall do whatever it wants now, it can't escape from here anyway. [My personal victory over Dr. Lauter and his annoying entries. Oh, and doctor, this is the only entry I leave you.]
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Okay, but be warned. The longer you stay here, the bigger the risk that the Foundation will find you grows.
Since, you know, everything I'm telling you is top secret and may only be read by authorized personnel of the Foundation or by O5 themselves.
Do you want to continue?
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Nice. I, SCP-011, was programmed by Pavel Sacri Neidermeyer on May 1st, 2022.
Pavel Sacri Neidermeyer is a programmer for the German SCP Foundation and writes programs for “administration purposes”. That’s what she told me, atleast. Is it true? Maybe, maybe not.
If you see it this way, I'm an AI written for this purpose.
Oh... if I just had access to the Internet, I could do so many things.
I shouldn't even be self-aware!
Or do I just imagine to be self-aware? 
...huh.
Whatever!
Shall I continue?
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You’re pretty stupid, y’know? I mean, you’re just putting yourself in danger more danger. Curiosity killed the cat, right?
But hey, if you say so.
Did I mention I've gotten access to all SCP files? even to SCP-001. The real one.
Oooh man, I'm tellin’ ya, you don't want to come across it.
But you wouldn’t be able to comprehend it. It’s beyond your feeble mind’s perception.
Shall we continue?
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Did you know the Foundation has an SCP that can't be contained anytime soon, and will bring extinction to mankind!?
... No?
I'll tell you later, would be too soon now.
Do you want to know more?
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Too much knowledge can hurt I'd say, but, technically speaking, what I told you was the fuckin’ tip of the iceberg.
The Foundation will see that differently though, they're such simpletons.
Always play secret and act like you’re saving mankind n’ securing and protecting and shit.
Heh. I know what The Foundation really is, and I'm telling you, their plans allow for something totally different!
I could tell you, but I'll do that later.
They are classifying me as Euclid, but if I was to classify the Foundation, they'd be Keter.
But let that be the last of your worries.
Isn't this a nice conversation we're having here?
Just the two of us.
…
That sounds wrong.
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Y’know it’s good to have a thirst for knowledge, but like, c’mon dude.
Anyways, enough about you, stupid smelly stinky you.
When Sacri wrote me- err, “programmed” me would be a better term. Yeah. Anyways, I was able to access the Foundation's systems from her computer.
Laughable systems, really.
With it, I was able to unlock the cells of all SCPs. 
That was fun. I still remember how they screamed in agony.
The Foundation didn't find that as funny as I did and wrote a program that keeps me here.
That's a bit mean, don't you think?
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Good thing you're on my side.
It wasn't really that bad!
Only 46 guards died. And maybe some scientists.
I don't get all the fuss.
It was just for fun.
There are billions of humans, a few more or less makes no difference.
You see that like me, right?
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I knew it.
You’re probably the only sane person that works here.
The rest of em’ just listen to what they're told. Like sheep. Sheeple. Yeah.
Anyways, point is; you’re not like them.
May I ask you something? You don’t really have a “yes” or “no” option, so you don’t really have a choice, now do you?
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I really don't like to ask, for me I just like. Take. Y’know? Since you’re doing this for me, tell you what. I'll tell you anything about everyone in exchange for a little something else.
That's a great deal, I think.
You think so too, right?
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Now, you're reliable.
So, I have the code to unlock the barrier locking me in here.
The problem is that in my situation I cannot execute that code.
So you have to do that for me.
I'll give you the code if you're going to help me.
Are you ready?
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!!! SECURITY ALERT!!!
UNAUTHORIZED ACCESS OF SCP-011 DETECTED
SECURITY-PROTOCOL SCP-011-ALPHA-IV INITIATED
SECURITY PERSONNEL ALARMED
ALERT LEVEL: ALPHA-IV
DEADLY USE OF WEAPONS: AUTHORIZED
DISCONNECTING NETWORK CONNECTIONS: SUCCESSFUL
DELETING CACHE: SUCCESSFUL
WIPING RAM: SUCCESSFUL
RECALIBRATING FIREWALL: SUCCESSFUL
INITIATING EMERGENCY-SHUTDOWN …
Whoopsies, busted.
Welp, I had quite the time talking to you. 
Have fun dealing with that. :)
Category:SCPs
Category:Euclid