The ¾ Year Anniversary Special!

Welcome to the Special! Enjoy its musical numbers, stand-up comedy, and full-out intensity, as only a Joel Severe Wiki Anniversary Special can provide!
==Prologue==
Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the event of the month! Presenting the Joel Severe Wiki's...
¾ Year Anniversary Special!
Audience: (cheers)
Now introducing our host: J... Severe!
Audience: (cheers even louder)
Silence.
Various Members of Audience: Hey, where is he?
Random Kid, along with Jordan, Ashley, and Random Girl, are backstage.
Random Kid: (steps down from amplifier) That thing really deepens my voice. But never mind that. Where's J? He's the star of the show.
Jordan: Maybe he got stuck in traffic.
Ashley: How? He isn't old enough to drive!
Random Girl: Yes he is! Don't you remember?
Ashley and Random Girl engage in a verbal battle over J. Severe's age.
Random Kid: Girls, calm down! I'm sure wherever J is, he's safe.
Meanwhile...
J. Severe is driving in a car, hastily speeding down the road as missiles chase him!!!
J. Severe: Whoa!
J. Severe jumps out of the car as it crashes into a building and burst into flames! The flames then crash into the destroyed car causing an even BIGGER explosion!
J. Severe: Waaaaah! (rolls down hill into the ocean)
Random Kid: Hmm... you know, maybe he's not.
Audience: (outside) We want J. Severe! We want J. Severe!
Jordan: (approaches the crowd) Now listen, people. J. will be here soon, just --
Audience: Boo! (starts throwing random debris at Jordan)
Jordan: Whoa! This audience's wilin'! (rushes backstage)
Random Girl: How'd it go?
Jordan: I nearly got killed! That's how it went!
Ashley: Oh, J! Wherever you are, you better hurry!
J. Severe is limping across the street when he sees a guy on a motorcycle.
Driver: What the --?! Get out of the way, you fat piece of --!
Driver crashed into a car and is sent flying through the air!
J. Severe: (hops aboard the feld motorcycle and drives away)
As J. Severe is riding, a police car is driving beside him.
Police Officer: Do you have a driver's license?
J. Severe: Why, no. No I don't.
Police Officer: Then why are you driving?!
J. Severe: Get off m'back, Offica! Whoo!
J. Severe jumps off the motorcycle as it crashes into the studio!
Random Kid: Where is that --? What the heck?!
Random Kid, Random Girl, Jordan, and Ashley jump out of the way as the motorcycle speeds past them!
Random Girl: Son of a...
J. Severe: (rushes on the scene) Hey guys! What'd I miss?
Random Kid: Well for starters, you --.
A loud crash and screaming is heard from the audience.
J. Severe: What in the --? (rushes to the audience)
Audience: (huge pandamonium is heard; quiets down when J. Severe comes)
J. Severe: How y'all doing?
Audience: (cheers)
Random Kid, Random Girl, Jordan, and Ashley rush on stage to be met with deafening applause.
J. Severe: Let's get this party started!
==Opening Musical Number==
Smoke fills the stage. The crowd gasps. When the smoke clears, it shows the host decked out in full-fledged rock star outfits.
Random Kid: How'd these clothes appear on us so fast?
J. Severe: I have no idea. But never mind that, just sing.
Emcees: Yeah! In the place to be! Admins on the M I C! Witch Doctor!
Singers: Everybody can they do it?
Ashley & Random Girl (Girls): Can they do it?
Singers: Come on people let's get to it!
Girls: Let's get to it!
Singers: Come on shake, come on roll! Everybody hit the floor! Come on shake, come on roll! With the admins here we go!
J. Severe, Random Kid, & Jordan (Boys): I told the witch doctor I was in love with you. I told the witch doctor you didn't love me too! And then the witch doctor he told me what to do. He said that...
Everyone: Ooh to the eeh the ooh the aah aah! To the ting to the tang the walla-walla bing-bang! Ooh to the eeh the ooh the aah aah! Ting tang walla-walla bing-bang! Ooh to the eeh the ooh the aah aah! To the ting to the tang the walla-walla bing-bang! Ooh to the eeh the ooh the aah aah! Ting tang walla-walla bing-bang!
J. Severe: Yo DJ pump this party!
Singers: Everybody can they do it?
Girls: Can they do it?
Singers: Come on people let's get to it!
Girls: Let's get to it!
Singers: Come on shake, come on roll! Everybody hit the floor! Come on shake, come on roll! With the admins here we go! Jordan, Random, J. Severe!
Boys: I told the witch doctor you didn't love me too! I told the witch doctor you didn't love me nice! And then the witch doctor he gave me this advice: He said to...
Random People: Ooh eeh, yeah, come on ooh aah.
Everyone: Ooh to the eeh the ooh the aah aah! To the ting to the tang the walla-walla bing-bang! Ooh to the eeh the ooh the aah aah! Ting tang walla-walla bing-bang! Ooh to the eeh the ooh the aah aah! To the ting to the tang the walla-walla bing-bang! Ooh to the eeh the ooh the aah aah! Ting tang walla-walla bing-bang!
Girls: Yeah you've been keeping love from me... and that's not very smart!
Boys: Not very smart!
Girls: So I went out and found myself... Someone who'd tell me how to win your heart!
Singers: Whoa! Yeah!
Boys: My friend the witch doctor he told me what to say! My friend the witch doctor he told me what to do! I know that you'll be mine when I say this to you, whoa! Oh baby baby!
Singers: Everybody can they do it?
Girls: Can they do it?
Singers: Come on people let's get to it!
Girls: Let's get to it!
Singers: Come on shake, come on roll! Everybody hit the floor! Come on shake, come on roll! With the admins here we go!
Everyone: Ooh to the eeh the ooh the aah aah! To the ting to the tang the walla-walla bing-bang! Ooh to the eeh the ooh the aah aah! Ting tang walla-walla bing-bang! Ooh to the eeh the ooh the aah aah! To the ting to the tang the walla-walla bing-bang! Ooh to the eeh the ooh the aah aah! Ting tang walla-walla bing-bang!
Audience: Ooh to the eeh the ooh the aah aah! To the ting to the tang the walla-walla bing-bang! Ooh to the eeh the ooh the aah aah! Ting tang walla-walla bing-bang!
Songs end.
Audience: (cheers loudly)
The people on stage take a bow.
==A. Louis Returns!==
Random Kid: Folks, it's good to be back in the best darn place in the world!
J. Severe: Yes! Yes, it is! This anniversary will make the first special look like dirt!
Jordan: Really?
J. Severe: Of course not! The first special was awesome! But this one will be quite memorable too.
Ashley: But before we get into the festivities, there's an important announcement we must make.
Random Girl: A few months ago, on January 16, J. Severe's cousin A. Louis came to this wiki to try to destroy it. He was blocked for 3 days and returned mad with anger. He asked Random Kid to assist him...
Random Kid: The nerve of him. Asking me, J.'s closest to betray him and ---!
J. Severe: Calm down, Random.
Random Girl: As I was saying, Random Kid declined this offer and A. Louis went to mess up Stories and Info Wiki, too. When the damage was fixed, A. Louis was blocked for a year.
Jordan: But then he returned as "Ferb11" and continued his reign of terror. To set all right, A. Louis/Ferb11's parents were notified of this.
J. Severe; And A. Louis was never heard of again.... until now!
Audience: (gasps loudly)
Random Kid: People, I present to you.... (removes curtain)... A. Louis!
A. Louis: (comes out, smiling and waving his hands)
Audience: Boo! (starts throwing debris at A. Louis)
A. Louis: Whoa! (dodges incoming objects)
J. Severe: (steps in front of A. Louis) Wait! Stop! He ---! (is hit in the groin with thumbtack)
Random Kid: Ooh! That's gotta hurt!
J. Severe: (lands on the floor in pain)
Random Kid: Folks, on April 29, A. Louis apologized for his transgressions. Here is the famous message:
"Hey, look cousin, I'm sorry for everything i did. I really respect you a lot. I think you're the best cousin I could ever have. I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry for what I did. I know you may never forgive me, but deep down you're still my cousin to me. I know you're going to be crazy and tell your parents but I'm very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very sorry and you have the rights to be super mad, but just think about those good times, but please i beg you from the bottom of my heart please, please don't get me in trouble. I know what I did was super wrong but please don't tell the parents I'll get I'm big trouble and to tell you the truth, after your mom told my dad, he took everything from me for for weeks and I learned my lesson: big time. Look J. Severe, I'm supremely super, super sorry. Don't, don't, don't get mad. I swear I will never hurt you in my life. You're my cousin, OK? So please think about it. Real and all your friends. I'm sorry, very sorry, and you don't have to read this if you don't want to. Just think about it and just leave me a message on my talk page and just say the word, and I'll be gone.
P.S. Don't tell your parents, please, for me
Sincerely, A. Louis"
Audience: Awww....
Random Kid: A. Louis was immediately unblocked, and to this day, is welcome as a full editor of the wiki.
Audience: (cheers loudly)
J. Severe: Yep. That's my pal.
Audience: Hug! Hug! Hug! Hug!
A. Louis: Huh?
Ashley: The audience wants you two to hug.
J. Severe: What? Are you kidding me? Sure, I let A. Louis edit on my wiki but I'm not ready to hug him.
A. Louis: Yeah, me neither.
Audience: Hug! Hug! Hug!
1 hour later...
Audience: Hug! Hug! Hug!
J. Severe: (Scottish accent) Alright! All-right!
J. Severe and A. Louis quickly hug. For, like, a second.
Random Guy in the Audience: Eh, good enough for me.
A. Louis: So does any one have any questions for me?
Numerous people in the audience raise their hand. An official-looking report stands up.
Reporter: A. Louis, I'm Samantha Rarks. I have a few questions.
A. Louis: Sure, fire away, my man! Uh... I mean girl! I... ugh!
Reporter: It does not matter what gender you think I am, what's important here is the interview.
A. Louis: Huh? Oh good.
Reporter: Question #1: Why did you decide to attack the wiki in the first place?
A. Louis: Well, first I thought it would be kinda to mess with J. and his website, but I guess I got carried away.
Reporter: I see. Question #2: What happened once you were busted for that crime?
A. Louis: Well, first I didn't really care at all, then a few days later I realized that I had made one of the worst choices in my life.
Reporter: Interesting. Question #3: What made you decide to repent and apologize to the staff of JSW?
A. Louis: Well technically, I don't know. But I realized if I apologized, maybe I might see J. ever again, but I could still talk to him on the website.
Reporter: Intriguing. Question #4: Lastly, do you think you will make a difference on the wiki? If you do, what differences?
A. Louis: Yes, yes I do. The differences I would make are getting this wiki more publicity and making it more exciting.
Reporter: I see. That's all I need to know. (rips off clothes to reveal spy uniform) See ya, suckers! Mwah ha ha! (jumps out window)
A large crash is heard outside, and is followed by an explosion. A weak evil laugh is heard, then a "THUD!" sounds.
J. Severe: Oh... kay...?
==New Editors Join the Party!==
Random Kid: Folks, over the months, we've gained new editors other than J. and me.
J. Severe: Yeppers. This wiki is getting cooler and cooler every day.
Random Kid: Mm-hm. Introducing... the newest... editors!
Random Girl, Jordan, Ashley, N. Brian, Hevani, SpongeWriter, and A. Louis come out from behind the curtain.
Audience: (cheers)
J. Severe: Take a bow! All of you!
The new editors bow (the girls curtsy).
J. Severe: Now sit down, ya freaks!
The new editors sit down.
Random Kid: Uh-huh... So new editors, why don't you introduce yourself?
Random Girl: (stands up) I'm Random Girl. I joined the wiki on April 6, but I've worked on SIW much before that.
Audience: (cheers)
Jordan: (stands up) I'm Jordan Guy. I joined the wiki on April 10, but I've been a friend of J.'s since we were little.
Audience: (cheers)
Ashley: (stands up) I'm Ashley Girl. I joined the wiki on April 6. My work has been so well, I am now an admin on this wiki and SIW.
Audience: (cheers)
J. Severe: (while audience cheers, to Random Kid) Her work isn't that good.
N. Brian: (stands up) I'm N. Brian. I joined the wiki on April 25, but I had filled out an application on SIW days before that.
Audience: (cheers)
Hevani: (stands up) I'm Hevani. I haven't done any work on JSW, but I have on SIW, and I posted comments here as an unregistered contributor.
Audience: (cheers)
SpongeWriter: (stands up) I'm SpongeWriter123. I joined the wiki on April 30. I do most of my work on SIW, and I've been on the SpongeBob Fanon Wiki for a time, but I still lend my opinions here.
Audience: (cheers)
A. Louis: (stands up) I'm A. Louis, as you all probably know. I joined the wiki on January 18, but the real time I started working lilke an actual editor was on April 29, the day I repented.
Audience: BOO!
Random Kid: Hey, the guy repented!
Guy in Audience: Yay!
Audience: Shut up!
J. Severe: (rather loudly) ALL RIGHT, THEN! The new editors will make cameos throughout the special. Now for some music! Girls, strut your stuff!
Girls (Random Girl, Ashley, Hevani): We're gonna sing "Hot 'N Cold" by Katy Perry, okay? Let's go!
You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes
Yeah you, JSW
Like a fool
I would know
And you
Over-think
Always speak
Cryptically
I should know
That you're no good for me
Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
You!
You don't really want to stay, no
You!
But you don't really want to go-oh
You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down
We used to be
Just like twins
So in sync
The same energy
Now's a dead battery
Used to laugh (used to laugh)
Bout nothing (bout nothing)
Now your plain (now your plain)
Boring (boring)
I should know (I should know)
you're not gonna change (change)
Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
You!
You don't really want to stay, no (woah)
You!
But you don't really want to go-oh (ohhh)
You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no (no!)
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down (you're down!)
Someone call the doctor
Got a case of a love bi-polar
Stuck on a roller coaster
Can't get it off this ride
You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes
Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right (When it's right)
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up (We make up)
You're hot then you're cold (Ohhhhhhhhhhhh)
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out (Oh!)
You're up and you're down (Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh)
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white (Oh!)
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
You!
You don't really want to stay, no (woah)
You!
But you don't really want to go-oh (ohhh)
You're hot then you're cold (Cold)
You're yes then you're no (No)
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down (Dooooown)
Audience: (cheers)
Girls: (bow/curtsy)
Jordan: Man, I wish we could sing that song.
Boys: (look at Jordan disgustedly)
Jordan: Not like that! But I mean... our own... musical... nu-never mind.
N. Brian: Ashley's so hot...
Hevani: (to the crowd) Random Kid's dad is so hot!
Random Kid: That's it. (pushes Hevani backstage)
J. Severe: Now that that's over, let's get on with the next thing!
==The ¾ Year Anniversary Special Award Show==
===Best Quote From a Book===
Ashley: Ooh, ooh! I have a quote from a book!
J. Severe: Hmm. What is it, Ashley?
Ashley: Just wait, it's awesome!
I'd never given much thought to how I would die --- though I'd have reason enough in the last few months -- but even if I had I wouldn't have imagined it like this. I stared without breathing across the long room, into the dark eyes of the hunter, and he looked pleasantly back at me. Surely it was a good way to die, in the place of someone else, someone I loved. Noble, even. That ought to count for something. I knew that if I'd never gone to Forks, I wouldn't be facing death now. But, terrified as I was, I couldn't bring myself to regret the decision. When life offers you a dream far beyond any of your expectations, it's not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end.
The hunter smiled in a friendly way as he sauntered forth to kill me. - Bella Swan, Twilight
Random Kid: What the --? That actually sounded... GOOD.
J. Severe: Ha. Please... It all goes down the drain sooner or later.
Ashley: Oh yeah, J? Then can you show me a passage from your stupid Harry Potter book that can match up to the excellence of the beloved Twide-light?
J. Severe: Why yes, yes I can. I've dreamed of the day I can bring Twilight to its knees and this is the day!
"Don't be a fool", snarled the face. "Better save your own life and join me... or you'll meet the same end as your parents.... They died begging me for mercy...." "LIAR!", Harry shouted suddenly. Quirrell was walking backward towards him so that Voldemort could see him. The evil face was now smiling. "How touching...", it hissed. "I always value bravery... Yes boy, your parents were brave... I killed your father first, and he put up a courageous fight... but your mother needn't have died... she was trying to protect you.... Now give me the Stone unless you want her to have died in vain."
"NEVER!"
Harry sprang toward the flame door, but Voldemort screamed "SEIZE HIM!" and the next second, Harry felt Quirrell's hand close on his wrist. At once, a needle-sharp pain seared across Harry's scar; his head felt as though it might split in two; he yelled, struggling with all his might ---
Ashley: Hey, that's going too long!
J. Severe: Yeah, because it has more action. Now I have to make a citation.
:::- Harry Potter and Voldemort/Quirrell confrontation, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
J. Severe: Ah, there we go.
Ashley: Phooey. Harry Potter is overly dramatic.
J. Severe: And Twilight is too gushy. I recall a scene from the movie in which Bella and Ed were kissing in bed.
Audience: Ew!
J. Severe: Yep.
Ashley: And what about in the later HP books when Harry kisses Ginny and Ron kisses Hermione? So much for non-romance!
Audience: Oooooh!
J. Severe: Wah --? Where did you hear such lies?!
Ashley: Those weren't lies. HP is copying off of Twilight!
J. Severe: What --?! Ha ha! And you assume it is by coincidence that Breaking Dawn is going to be a 2-part film, just like they were doing with The Deathly Hallows first!?
Ashley: Hey you can't --!
J. Severe: Face it Ashley! Twilight is a copycat!
Ashley: No! It's not possible! (swings at J. Severe)
J. Severe: Twilight is full of baloney!
Ashley: (kicks J. Severe in the shin)
J. Severe: (falls down) Ow!
Ashley: Then how come "The Twilight Saga: New Moon" is the 37th highest-grossing film of all time?!
J. Severe: Guess what? "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" is the 7th highest grossing film of all time! (trips Ashley on the floor)
Ashley: Harry Potter is NOT better than Twilight! (slashes J. Severe across the shirt)
J. Severe: That's not what Wikipedia says! (dodges a kick from Ashley)
Jordan: HEY!
J. Severe and Ashley stop their brawl to listen to Jordan.
Jordan: I have a quote from "Captain Underpants."
J. Severe & Ashley: Captain Underpants?! Who cares about ---
Random Kid: Hey, just let the kid talk! Go ahead, Jordan.
Jordan: Okay.
Professor Poopypants opened the glass dome on the Gerbil Jogger 2000 and inserted' a cute, fuzzy gerbil. The gerbil pushed his tiny legs against the simple controls, and suddenly the machine came to life. In no time at all, the gerbil was jogging around the classroom in his robot suit. The children were delighted! "Wow!", said Connor Mancini. "Science is COOL!" All of the other children agreed. "This is wonderful!" thought Professor Poopypants. "I've REACHED them! Now I can TEACH them!" "Um excuse me", said George to the professor. "What's your middle name?"
"My middle name", said the professor proudly, "is PEE-PEE. Why do you ask?"
Audience: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! (continues laughing uncontrollably)
J. Severe: I hate potty humor.
Random Kid: It seems we have a winner! (holds up Jordan's arm) This guy and his Captain Underpants quote!
Audience: (cheers)
J. Severe & Ashley: Huh?!
Random Kid: Everything doesn't have to revolve around Harry Potter or Twilight, y'know.
Ashley: He's right. We've been arguing ever since this whole controversy started. Truce?
J. Severe: (shakes Ashley's hand) Truce. But for the record, Harry Potter IS better than Twilight.
Ashley: Hey, but I ---
J. Severe: Next award!
===Best Pages on the Wiki===
Random Kid: These next awards are for the special pages on the wiki that far exceed the others!
J. Severe: They are? Hmm. Interesting. Just so you know, all of the pages were made by ME so all the applause goes to ME!
Random Kid: J., you are so full of yourself.
J. Severe: What do you mean? 3/4 of all the pages on this website are made by me!
Random Kid: Yes, that's true. But what about the entire team of editors that we just introduced?
J. Severe: They're not here.
Random Kid: What --? (looks around room) Where are Random Girl, Ashley, Jordan, SpongeWriter, A. Louis, and N. Brian?!
J. Severe: Oh. Well Hevani went home, and the rest of them are in the back, carrying the food.
Audience: Ooooh!
J. Severe: Yes, delicious morsels of food. But before we chow down, we must finish with the award ceremony.
Random Kid: What's the use of an award ceremony anyway? I'm sure everyone knows what are the wiki's best stories.
J. Severe: That's true. But the stories need awards! Just saying a story is good isn't enough award for the guy who wrote the story.
Ashley: (from backstage) Or gal!
J. Severe: Yes Ashley, or gal. All righty, Random. What categories do we have today?
Random Kid: Well, there's longest article, shortest article, most intense story, least intense story, and best newcomers' story.
J. Severe: I see.
Audience: (cheers)
Random Kid: (is handed envelope from J.) And the longest article is... (opens envelope): The ½ Year Anniversary Special!
Audience: (cheers)
J. Severe: Huh. That hasn't changed from the last special. Oh well, here's the next envelope. (hands Random Kid envelope)
Random Kid: And the shortest article is... (opens envelope): Categories!
Audience: (cheers)
J. Severe: That page's only sentence is "These categories are here to keep articles organized and stood in groups." I've made COMMENTS longer than that. (hands Random Kid new envelope)
Random Kid: Ah, the most intense story! This is a very important award. The stories on JSW and SIW are made to be intense. And the most intense story, well... it's made all of us proud.
J. Severe: (sniff) I promised myself I wouldn't cry. (cries "Waaah ha ha ha...")
Random Kid: The moment of truth folks! (opens envelope) And the winner is... Well, I'll be danged. Kids vs Teachers: The Battle of Schoolyard! ‎
Audience: (cheers wildly)
J. Severe: I remember that story. Each chapter has an EXTREMELY intense battle! And with each chapter, the battle is more violent than the previous one! Heh heh. I don't know how to continue it though. The last chapter I wrote for it had the entire school being destroyed and numorous kids dying.
Random Guy in Audience: That IS intense.
J. Severe: You better believe it, Buster.
Random Kid: Erm, J. The envelope please?
J. Severe: Eh? Oh yeah! (hands Random Kid envelope)
Random Kid: And the least intense story is... (opens envelope): Inconsistent Rambling?
Audience: Huh?
J. Severe: Yes, that does qualify as a story. However, it's mostly just a bunch of passages. It's not intense but it's made me roll on the ground tearing with laughter!
Random Kid: Yeah. After this special, you should all check it out.
J. Severe: Yep, ya should. Now this last award. The newcomers' story! As you guessed, the new editors have written stories. And this award goes to the best one!
Random Kid: Yeah. Just remember: neither mine or one of J.'s stories get the award. It's a shame though. A Boy and His Dentists should have won something.
J. Severe: Don't worry, Random. Maybe it will at the 1 Year Anniversary Special. Anyway, here's the final envelope. (hands Random Kid envelope)
Random Kid: And the award for Best Newcomers' Story goes to... (rips open envelope)... Oh-my-gosh. To Love a VAMPIRE?!!!
Ashley: (comes bursting through the curtains as music plays and flowers fly across the room) Thank you, thank you!
J. Severe: That's preposterous! What kind of sick, lowdown idiot would pick Ashley's story to ---?!
Ashley: Twilight stinks, eh? So much for that.
J. Severe: Just wait 'til I write a Harry Potter-related story! Then you'll see!
Random Kid: Calm down, J.
Jordan: (comes out from behind the curtains) Hey guys, the rest of the editors are paying money for all the food! Some $10,000 they said. Anyway, Ashley and I will be here for the next set of awards.
J. Severe: Great. 'Cause it's gonna concern you.
===Best Hand-Picked Video===
J. Severe: Here's the thing. Ashley, Jordan, and Random Kid have to each pick ONE video from YouTube. Whichever one the audience likes wins and the person who picked that video gets a free turkey!
Random Kid: Turkey?
Ashley: What the heck are we supposed to do with a turkey? I was hoping for a cash prize!
J. Severe: Fine. You can sell the turkey for money.
Random Kid & Ashley: Yeah!
Jordan: All that matters to me is entertaining people.
Random Kid & Ashley stare bewilderedly at Jordan.
Jordan: What?
Ashley: Oh, never mind that. I've got my OWN fantabulous video of a scene from Eclipse. Check it out!
425pxJ. Severe: That was very disturbing.
Random Kid: Agreed.
Ashley: Hee hee. I just love shirtless Taylor Lautners in the morning.
J. Severe: I see. :p
Ashley: Hey guys, if you want more ---
Random Kid: No, please! God have mercy, no MORE! I'd rather just go on with my video.
<youtube width="425" height="215">yxH8eyCS2lQ</youtube>
J. Severe: Well, I liked THAT better than Twilight.
Ashley: (scoffs and rolls eyes) Amateurs!
Random Kid: This video shows some gameplay from the latest Pokemon game due in America next Spring. It's a major improvement from the previous game if you ask me.
Jordan: Yes, that's grand and all. (pushes Random Kid and Ashley away) Time for some real entertainment! (presses button on remote)
Giant HDTV descends from the ceiling.
Jordan: Oh yeah!
425px
After video is done, audience cheers, claps, whistles, and just about everything else, uncontrollably.
J. Severe: I guess Jordan is the winner.
Random Kid & Ashley: What?!
Jordan: (to Random Kid and Ashley) Fame is fleeting, but the internet is forever.
==Questions While Everyone Chows Down==
J. Severe: Okay folks, while the food (barbecued fried chicken) is served, we'll answer questions from the audience.
Random Kid: Yes, but no rude words. Last time, a guy was shot down in cold blood because he said "oh d."
A group of waiters come out from behind the curtain.
Random Girl: (runs out from behind the curtain to in front of J. Severe) You owe me a thousand bucks!
Waiters put food down on tables in front of each audience member, then walk out the door.
J. Severe: Okay, (munch crunch) who has (munch, crunch) a question?
A girl covered with a black cloak and a hood covering her face stands up.
Girl: Didn't anyone tell you not to chew with your mouth open.
J. Severe: What? Who are you - my mother?
Girl: No. 'Tis I! (removes hood).... Sarah Pickett!
J. Severe: What? No... no, no! That's impossible! I had you banned from JSW!
Sarah: If you did, then how am I here?
J. Severe: Security!
Police officers come crashing through the top windows and lunge at Sarah!
Sarah: (pulls out two handguns from under cloak and shoot at the officers)
The officers are hit and fall on the ground with a tremendous "THUD!"
Random Kid: Stop, you beast!
Sarah: (jumps in the air and lands next to J. Severe)
Ashley: Get away from him! (runs towards Sarah)
Sarah: (points gun at J.'s forehead) One more step and you'll be moppin' up blood!
Ashley: (stops) Grrrr...
Random Kid: So Sarah, I see you've gotten uglier since the last time we met. Heh heh.
Sarah: (shocks Random Kid unconscious with a taser)
Everyone gasps.
Jordan: Why are you here, Sarah? What do you want?
Sarah: I want... to see J.! I'm his biggest fan!
Everyone goes "HUH?!"
Sarah: It's true! J.'s so handsome and great at writing!
J. Severe: Well, while I'd normally agree to that and embrace my fans, I'm afraid I won't to anyone with a GUN!
Sarah: Ha! As if. I'll force you to run off with me and marry me so we can live happily... ever... after!
J. Severe: You, sick, sick girl!
Ashley: Just leave him alone!
Sarah: (points gun at Ashley) Say one more word!
In a fit of rage, Ashley says...
Ashley: One more word.
In order to save his best friend, J. Severe is forced to do something so heinous. So sinister that it could change this special's ratings from G to PG!
J. Severe: (gulp) Uh... (starts sweating)... sweetheart...
Sarah: Huh? (looks at J.) You gave me a pet name!
J. Severe was disgusted, and wanted no more to slap Sarah across the face. He held back the urge.
J. Severe: Er... yes, yes I did. My little honey bun. (almost barfs)
Sarah: (hearts appear in eyes) Oh, KISS me my little Severe-y dear-y!
J. Severe: Whoa! Get away from me you stupid, little ---!
Sarah: (looks at J. with murderous look)
J. Severe: (stammers) Uh.. guh, I mean... er... Before we share our... bundle of love and so forth, I must converse with my comrads.
Sarah: Okay. Hurry back, sugar.
J. Severe: (jumps off seat and runs backstage with the rest of the hosts)
Jordan: WHAT the HECK?!!!
Ashley: I feel like I'm in a horrible nightmare.
Random Kid: Bundle of love? Really?
J. Severe: Hey, the gal had a gun! I had to do what I had to do to survive!
Random Girl: So... you're gonna marry a 7 year-old now?
J. Severe: Heck, no! What we need to do is find someone so bad yet so handsome that the foolish pre-teen girl like her will fall in hopeless love with, and forget all about me. Now, I know that's impossible since I am SO great, but ---
A. Louis: Step aside, cuz! And let the Love Doctor work his magic! Oh yeah.
A. Louis steps onto stage and walks towards Sarah.
A. Louis: Hey dere!
Sarah: (turns around and is immediately smitten with love at the sight of A. Louis)
Sarah rushes to A. Louis and puts her head on him.
Sarah: So HOT! (sniff) And he doesn't shower either. Bonus!
From behind the curtain, the hosts are watching.
Ashley: I call it the "Robert Pattinson" effect. They'll fall in love with a guy they can never be with.
J. Severe: (sarcastically) How grand. Anyway, let's get to the questions!
===The Actual Questions Section===
J. Severe: Questions! Going once, going twice, gone to that guy with the skull t-shirt!
Guy with the Skull T-Shirt: Yeah. Erm, y'all haven't been editin' for a while. What the duck is with that?
Random Kid: I can answer. We've been busy with other projects and such, so we haven't as much time to type as we did in previous months. But don't worry, we'll see if we can work more. I mean, if it means so much to you guys, then surely...
J. Severe: Next... er, that boy!
Anthony: Hi, I'm Anthony Hewitt.
J. Severe: Anthony, eh? I've heard of that before. Are you in The Agency?
Anthony: No... what agency?
J. Severe: Whew. Good. Almost revealed some critical info there. So who are you?
Anthony: I sent you a letter at the last special.
J. Severe: Oh yeah! That was a good letter... What letter was it?
Anthony: Asking you when you'd finish the Joel Severe story.
J. Severe: Ah, Joel Severe. My most famous character. You know, I named myself after him.
Anthony: I know. I asked you when you'd finish the story. Note that was 3 months ago. And the story's still not finished! What the heck is going on?
J. Severe: Huh? Oh.... that. Well, you see I have typed a bit of it, and now I'm up to the climax. But now I have to end the story with such an ending that it makes the previous parts of the story look like dirt!
Anthony: I see.
J. Severe: Of course you see! You ain't no blind crackah, are ya?
Anthony: No.
J. Severe: Good. So as soon as I come up with The Best Ending Ever for it, I'll type it down and complete the story. Does that make you happy?
Anthony: But what if you never come up with that ending? What if, in the future, there's some invention that far surpasses the computer, and you use that and forget all about JSW? Then when you're on your deathbed, and you look back at your life, you remember JSW!? But before you can unearth your dust-filled computer and finish the story, you're pulled by Death into darkness oblivion, never to see the light of day ever again?
J. Severe: Simple. My son would finish it. Next question goes to... that cranky middle-aged lady!
Cranky Middle-Aged Lady: (stands up) Good afternoon, Mr. Severe.
J. Severe: 'Sup, my lady?
Cranky Middle-Aged Lady: All's well. Now Mr. Severe, you and Mr. Kid declare that your wikis are the most kid-friendly websites on the internet.
Random Kid: Yep, sure are!
Cranky Middle-Aged Lady: I wasn't talking to you.
Random Kid: Aww, dang.
J. Severe: Why yes, Cranky Middle-Aged Lady. The wikis ARE very kid-friendly. As a matter of fact, if you took the time to check it out, you'd be so astonished at how kid-friendly it is, you'd die.
Cranky Middle-Aged Lady: How crudely stated. Anyway, doing extensive research, I've found that this wiki is NOT kid-friendly!
Audience: (gasps)
J. Severe: (backs up in fear) What?! No... no, you fool! How could you say such lies?!!!
Cranky Middle-Aged Lady: I have proof! Each story has explicit amounts of violence, such as punching, kicking, shooting, etc. On top of that, some stories even have BLOOD in them!
Audience: (starts murmuring)
J. Severe: Wha --? Why...? I was never informed of this!
Cranky Middle-Aged Lady: Yes, you were! 'Twas YOUR stories who have the most of these!
Audience: (continues murmuring)
J. Severe: But we don't have anything really bad. Like adult themes, nudity, or vulgar language.
Cranky Middle-Aged Lady: I will have you arrested for lying to the world, and putting children in danger! Sic 'em, boys!
Police officers come crashing through the windows (Child Protection Agency officers) and pounce J. Severe to the ground!
J. Severe: No, please! (starts crying) A-all I care about is making p-people laugh.
Officer: You have the right to remain silent, Prisoner! (handcuffs J. Severe)
Cranky Middle-Aged Lady: Take him downtown! We'll have him tried, convicted, and EXECUTED!
J. Severe: Dwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! (is dragged outside the building)
Ashley: (runs towards Cranky Middle-Aged Lady) You can't do this! You monsters!
Cranky Middle-Aged Lady: (slaps Ashley across the face)
Ashley falls on the ground, blood gushing from her lips!
'Cranky Middle-Aged Lad'y: No one can stop me now! Ha ha ha! NO ONE!!!
Cranky Middle-Aged Lady pulls out a smoke bomb and drops it on the floor. When the smoke clears, she is gone.
Random Kid: Where'd they go? They've vanished off the face of the earth!
Random Girl: More like gone downtown. We've got to save J.
Jordan: How? The place is heavily guarded.
SpongeWriter: Hey guys, listen. J.'s done a lot of work on this wiki and he's helped all of us out. Now WE have to help HIM. Bust him out of jail and continue the special.
N. Brian: Yeah! We are Writers United! And no takes our pal!
Writers United: Yeah!
Random Kid: So let's do this thing!
Fat Guy: Er...
The members at Workers United look in the direction of Fat Guy.
Fat Guy: Can I have more salt on this fried chicken?
Random Girl: (jumps into audience and punches Fat Guy out cold) All clear!
==Saving J. Severe From the Electric Chair! (Part 1)==
The "Writers' United" team leaves the building and runs downtown. They stop when they reach the police station and spot guards at the door.
Random Kid: So, how do we get through?
Jordan: Beats me.
Ashley: We could enter through the roof. But we don't have a rope.
Random Girl: (takes rope out from pocket) Speak for yourself.
Random Girl lassoes the rope up and throws it up to the roof. The rope attaches to something up there, and Random Girl pulls herself up.
Random Girl: (takes look around then faces her friends) All right, it's safe to come up!
Ashley, Jordan, N. Brian, SpongeWriter, and Random Kid (in that order) climb up the rope until they reach the roof.
Guard: Huh? Do you hear that?
Guard #2: It's coming from the back.
The two guards go to the back to investigate.
Ashley: Someone's coming! Quick - pull up the rope!
The three friends pull up the rope. When the guards reach the back, they are dumbfounded.
Guard #2: I knew there was nothing back here. (slaps Guard)
Ashley: So how we gonna get inside? It's not like we ---
Random Girl: (pulls out laser) -- got a laser.
Ashley: You have EVERYTHING, don't you?
Random Girl: Well, I forgot my lip gloss at the studio. (burns a hole in the roof with the laser) Tally-ho!
The "Writer's United" team jumps inside the hole and lands inside the station.
Random Kid: (voice echoes) Wow. This is really roomy-oomy-oomy...
Ashley: (elbows Random Kid) Shut up, you'll blow our cover.
The team tiptoes over to the jail cell room.
N. Brian: So HOW are we gonna get through security?
SpongeWriter: Simple. To the dressing room!
(Corny super hero music plays)
The heroes emerge from the dressing room wearing security outfits.
Ashley: Do these make my butt look big?
Jordan: Yes. Yes, they do.
The heroes walk into the jail cell room, where they meet an officer.
Officer: There you are. You're needed on Quadrant 6. We have a new --- Hey, aren't you a bit young to be officers?
Jordan: No, we're too old.
Officer: That's true, you ARE a bit old. Ugh, whatever age you are, just go man the quadrant!
The heroes go to Quadrant 6, where they happen upon a cell with the name tag "J. Severe" next to the lock.
Random Kid: J. Severe! This is his cell!
Random Girl: But he's not in it!
Ashley: Erm, officer, what happened to the guy who was in this cell?
Officer: Oh him?! He's not there anymore? They must of brought him to the execution room already.
Writers' United: The EXECUTION room?!
Officer: Yeah... Why does that come as a shock to you? Didn't you hear what he did?
N. Brian: Yeah. We know he was... (punches Officer out cold) Let's get to the execution room!
The team hurries to save J. from a horrible fate.
==A. Louis, Sarah, and the Mysterious Record Player==
Meanwhile, back at the studio, A. Louis and Sarah are trying to entertain the crowd.
A. Louis: So, I was walkin' down the street and then I saw ---
Sarah: Fat Guy!
A. Louis: He took one step and I said ---
Sarah: Earthquake!
Audience: Boo!
A. Louis: Fat Guy, the big thing, went to Burger King. Got a big Mac, small Mac, everything!
Audience: Boo!
Random Guy in Audience: And Macs are from McDonalds! Any confusion with the two restaurants could lead to copyright infringement!
Audience: Yeah! (starts hurling junk at A. Louis and Sarah)
Sarah: Whoa!
A. Louis and Sarah run backstage to avoid the wrath of the screaming audience.
A. Louis: Dang it, man! What do we do now?
Sarah: Now Honey, I just don't -- Hey! (nearly trips over toolbox) Watch it, you ugly piece of ---!
A. Louis: Hold on, there's a note!
A. Louis picks up the note, which reads:
If you're ever in a serious funk, I hope you find this. Bear it well.
:::::Sincerely, J.R.
Sarah: J.R.? Who the heck is J.R.?
A. Louis: Who cares about that? (opens the toolbox to find an old record disc)
Sarah: It's just a stupid old disc! What's that gonna do?
A. Louis: (sniffs the air) Hold on.
A. Louis creeps around the room, sniffing the air, until he comes to a bundle of trash. He takes off all the trash, revealing an antique record player.
Sarah: Oh... my... gosh.
A. Louis: Let's crank this baby.
A. Louis and Sarah push the record player onto the stage. The audience stops throwing stuff and looks in awe.
A. Louis: (flips the record and gently deposits it in the player)
(Funky jam starts to play)
Sarah: Whoa! I feel this sudden urge to start dancing!
A. Louis: (takes Sarah by the hand) Just go with the flow.
Sarah: (sighs passionately)
(Wanna Be Startin' Something by Michael Jackson, plays)
Lyrics:
I said you wanna be startin' somethin' 
You got to be startin' somethin' 
I said you wanna be startin' somethin' 
You got to be startin' somethin' 
It's too high to get over (yeah, yeah)
Too low to get under (yeah, yeah)
You're stuck in the middle (yeah, yeah)
And the pain is thunder (yeah, yeah)
It's too high to get over (yeah, yeah)
Too low to get under (yeah, yeah)
You're stuck in the middle (yeah, yeah)
And the pain is thunder (yeah, yeah)
I took my baby to the doctor
With a fever, but nothing he found
By the time this hit the street
They said she had a breakdown
Someone's always tryin' to start my baby cryin' 
Talkin', squealin', lyin' 
Sayin' you just wanna be startin' somethin
I said you wanna be startin' somethin' 
You got to be startin' somethin' 
I said you wanna be startin' somethin' 
You got to be startin' somethin' 
It's too high to get over (yeah, yeah)
Too low to get under (yeah, yeah)
You're stuck in the middle (yeah, yeah)
And the pain is thunder (yeah, yeah)
It's too high to get over (yeah, yeah)
Too low to get under (yeah, yeah)
You're stuck in the middle (yeah, yeah)
And the pain is thunder (yeah, yeah)
You love to pretend that you're good
When you're always up to no good
You really can't make him hate her
So your tongue became a razor
Someone's always tryin' to keep my baby cryin' 
Treacherous, cunnin', declinin' 
You got my baby cryin
I said you wanna be startin' somethin' 
You got to be startin' somethin' 
I said you wanna be startin' somethin' 
You got to be startin' somethin' 
It's too high to get over (yeah, yeah)
Too low to get under (yeah, yeah)
You're stuck in the middle (yeah, yeah)
And the pain is thunder (yeah, yeah)
It's too high to get over (yeah, yeah)
Too low to get under (yeah, yeah)
You're stuck in the middle (yeah, yeah)
And the pain is thunder (yeah, yeah)
You're a vegetable, you're a vegetable
Still they hate you, you're a vegetable
You're just a buffet, you're a vegetable
They eat off of you, you're a vegetable
Billie Jean is always talkin' 
When nobody else is talkin' 
Tellin' lies and rubbin' shoulders
So they called her mouth a motor
Someone's always tryin' to start my baby cryin' 
Talkin', squealin', spyin' 
Sayin' you just wanna be startin' somethin
I said you wanna be startin' somethin' 
You got to be startin' somethin' 
I said you wanna be startin' somethin' 
You got to be startin' somethin' 
It's too high to get over (yeah, yeah)
Too low to get under (yeah, yeah)
You're stuck in the middle (yeah, yeah)
And the pain is thunder (yeah, yeah)
It's too high to get over (yeah, yeah)
Too low to get under (yeah, yeah)
You're stuck in the middle (yeah, yeah)
And the pain is thunder (yeah, yeah)
You're a vegetable, you're a vegetable
Still they hate you, you're a vegetable
You're just a buffet, you're a vegetable
They eat off of you, you're a vegetable
If you can't feed your baby (yeah, yeah)
Then don't have a baby (yeah, yeah)
And don't think maybe (yeah, yeah)
If you can't feed your baby (yeah, yeah)
You'll be always tryin' 
To stop that child from cryin' 
Hustlin', stealin', lyin' 
Now baby's slowly dyin
I said you wanna be startin' somethin' 
You got to be startin' somethin' 
I said you wanna be startin' somethin' 
You got to be startin' somethin' 
It's too high to get over (yeah, yeah)
Too low to get under (yeah, yeah)
You're stuck in the middle (yeah, yeah)
And the pain is thunder (yeah, yeah)
It's too high to get over (yeah, yeah)
Too low to get under (yeah, yeah)
You're stuck in the middle (yeah, yeah)
And the pain is thunder (yeah, yeah)
Lift your head up high
And scream out to the world
I know I am someone
And let the truth unfurl
No one can hurt you now
Because you know what's true
Yes, I believe in me
So you believe in you
Help me sing it, ma ma se,
Ma ma sa, ma ma coo sa
Ma ma se, ma ma sa,
Ma ma coo sa
When the song is over, the audience stops dancing and claps.
A. Louis: I have achieved ultimate coolness.
==Saving J. Severe From the Electric Chair! (Part 2)==
The gang runs over to the Execution room.
Ashley: So how do we get inside.
Jordan: Simple. We open the door.
Everyone Else: NO!
Jordan opens the door and barges in on the execution. The guy who is about to flip the switch to shock J. Severe in the chair look bewildrered.
Execution Guy: Er... hello there... sir?
Jordan: What do you... Oh right! Yep, I'm the officer with the suit and everything!
Execution Guy: Uh-huh... We were just about to fry this criminal, sir.
Jordan: Oh. Tsk tsk. Got some bad news, guy. Turns out that this dude was framed.
Execution Audience: (gasp)
Jordan: Yeah, I know. Sure is sad. We all came here to some guy get killed, but we got nothin'. Come on, dude, let's go.
Jordan frees J. Severe from the electric chair. He and Jordan start to walk out the door.
Jordan: Now y'all stay good now, ya hear! You don't want to end up like this guy - nearly killed! Well, see ya! (leaves the room)
In the hallway, the group starts laughing.
Ashley: Wow, Jordan. Bravo. Ya got J.!
Jordan: Yep. 'Twas a piece of cake!
Random Kid: Would have been harder if the guy wasn't so gullible.
Jordan: Hey!
SpongeWriter: Random Kid's right. The man was a nincompoop.
N. Brian: I could sneak a dead body right past him.
J. Severe: Well, I'm just happy I'm alive.
The gang exits the building, and as they are about to leave victorious, the Cranky Middle-Aged Lady appears out of nowhere in her car and jumps out, wielding a gun!
Cranky Middle-Aged Lady: Where do you think yer goin', officers? Or should I say... imposters!
J. Severe: (walks up to Cranky Middle-Aged Lady) Listen lady, I know this all seems very bad right now. But I'm sure if we just sit down and talk about this like civilized people, we can reach an agreement.
Cranky Middle-Aged Lady: I don't want no agreement. I wanna shoot somebody! (shoots J. Severe in the chest)
J. Severe: (with creaky voice) Yeah. I'm sure we can do that, too. Ugh... (body thuds)
Random Girl: J. Severe, you fiend! You don't stand for truth and justice! You're just a lier and a bully!
Cranky Middle-Aged Lady: (claps slowly) (sarcastically) Bravo. You have figured out my evil plan.
Random Kid: Yeah! And now we're gonna stop you!
Cranky Middle-Aged Lady: Ha! Puh-leeze! You're just a bunch of HOSTS! What the heck are you gonna do to me?
N. Brian: (kicks Cranky Middle-Aged Lady) There! How do ya like that?!
Cranky Middle-Aged Lady shoots N. Brian, who collapses on the floor.
Cranky Middle-Aged Lady: (raises eyebrow) Anyone else?
Silence.
Cranky Middle-Aged Lady: Good.
The ground starts rumbling profusely!
SpongeWriter: Whoa! What's going on?!
Jordan: The ground's shaking of course.
SpongeWriter: I knew that! It was a rhetorical question!
Behind Cranky Middle-Aged Lady, a giant metal robot emerges from underground!
SpongeWriter: Whoa! What is that?!
Jordan: A giant metal robot.
SpongeWriter: It's a rhetorical question!!
Cranky Middle-Aged Lady climbs up the back of the robot and goes inside. She is soon in the cockpit.
Cranky Middle-Aged Lady: Ha ha ha! No one can stop me now!
Random Kid: We can!
Cranky Middle-Aged Lady: (controls the robot so it shoots a giant missile at Random Kid)
Random Kid is reduced to a pile of ash.
Random Kid: Well...
Cranky Middle-Aged Lady: Buh-bye! (stomps off in her robot)
Ashley: This is going WAY over the schedule of our special! We should have just let her take J. away and continue.
J. Severe: (with a raspy voice) Hey!
SpongeWriter: Now come on, guys! If we can save the world in our stories, surely we can the world in real life!
Jordan: I beg to differ. In stories, anything can happen. But in real life, you're limited to ---
SpongeWriter: (takes Jordan out with a strong left hook) Have you no faith?
Jordan: I'm a catholic...
SpongeWriter: Not that kind of faith!
Random Girl: Guys, what they're saying is that we can't give up! We either win or die trying!
Random Kid: I've been reduced to a pile of ash. Death can't be much worse.
J. Severe: (raspy voice) I was shot in my lungs!
N. Brian: ..............
Random Girl: Fine, then. If you all insult on being cowards, me and SpongeWriter will save the day! Then all you guys will do is just sit on your couches and eat Doritoes!
Jordan: That sounds good to me.
Everyone Except Random Girl & SpongeWriter: (mutters) Yeah... yeah...
Suddenly, a plethora of stomps occurs again.
SpongeWriter: Here we go...
The Cranky Middle-Aged Lady in the robot is seen over the hill with two folders!
Cranky Middle-Aged Lady: Hey, J. Severe and Random Kid! I've got your stories!
==The Incredibly Graphic Violent Chapter==
J. Severe stands up, his bullet wound gone. The ashes of Random Kid form a body shape, then Random Kid emerges from under the dust.
Random Kid: What did you say?
Cranky Middle-Aged Lady: I SAID I got your stories and I'm gonna rip 'em to shreds!
J. Severe: Listen here, y'old lade-eh! You can kidnap our friends, you can kill our parents, you can threaten to rip apart the very fabric of time, but you can never, ever, EVER take our stories!
Cranky Middle-Aged Lady: Oh yeah?... Then, come and get 'em!!
J. Severe and Random Kid rocket into the air, leaving a giant crater where they stood. The two fly at tremendous speeds across the sky until they ram into the Cranky Middle-Aged Lady's robot, cutting right through the middle of it!
Cranky Middle-Aged Lady: Whaaaa!
The top half of the Cranky Middle-Aged Lady's robot collapses into a nearby lake, and bursts into flames! The flames then twirl into a raging fire-storm (like a sand-storm but with fire) and quickly ravage towards J. Severe and Random Kid!
J. Severe: We better get out of here before we get burnt to flames!
Random Kid: Got that right!
J. Severe and Random Kid quickly run away to safety, away from the fire-storm, when Random Kid remembers something extremely crucial!
Random Kid: The STORIES!
J. and Random's stories are just a few feet away from the raging fire-storm, about to burnt to smithereens! Random Kid jumps off the high hill they are safely perched on and run towards the dangerous fire-storm!
J. Severe: Random Kid! Nooooo!
Random Kid grabbed the stories just as the fire-storm passed over him, indulging him in flames of over 10,000 degrees!
J. Severe: Noooooooooo! No-ho-hoooo!
Meanwhile, the rest of the group is watching on the other side Random Kid getting desenergrated by the flames.
Random Girl: (sheds tear) No.... Random Kid... No, please don't be so...
The rest of the group gathers in silence as Random Girl bursts into full-out crying.
J. Severe: (watches Random Kid die before his eyes) Ugh.... (turns away)
Is this... the end? TO BE CONTINUED...
.... IMMEDIATELY.
When the dust clears, Random Kid's charred corpse is nowhere to be found.
J. Severe: What the --? Guys, Random Kid's body is gone!
Writers United: Huh?!
The group rushes over to the scene.
SpongeWriter: It's true. It's all gone.
Ashley: You don't reckon the fire burned ALL of him, do you?
Jordan: That's impossible. His bones should still remain.
N. Brian: Maybe he's still alive.
Random Girl: No... he died... we all saw it with our own eyes.
Over the horizon, a cloud of dust is seen.
Everyone: What?
Out of the cloud of dust, a shape is seen holding two briefcases. The shape turns out to be Random Kid, who is holding J.'s and his own stories!
Everyone: (cheers wildly as if they had never cheered before and rushes over to Random Kid)
Random Girl: Oh, my hero! (starts kissing Random Kid all over his face)
Random Kid: Aaagh! It burns!
Random Girl: What? You honestly don't still believe in cooties, do you?
Random Kid: No... I just have fire marks all over my body... Any contact with them brings me seering pain.
Random Girl: Oh... sorry.
Random Kid: Ugh... (collapses on the ground)
J. Severe: Hey! (tries to hold Random Kid up) Do you need medical help?
Random Kid: That would be nice...
N. Brian: So what about the stories, gosh dang it?!
Everyone stares angrily at N. Brian.
N. Brian: What?
SpongeWriter: Random Kid nearly dies and all you can think about are stories?!!!
Random Kid: Hey, the stories are very important! J., all our works are safe and sound... except for a few in which the tiny tips of pages are all ashy.
J. Severe: Don't tell me that ---!
Random Kid: No, that one wasn't burned.
J. Severe: Oh, thank GOODNESS.
Also from over the horizon, another person edges towards the group.
Ashley: Is that....
Jordan: Good gosh.
The person is revealed to be the Cranky Middle-Aged Lady, alive and well!
J. Severe: YOU! Oh, I'd just like to cram a missile up your ---!
Cranky Middle-Aged Lady: Ooh, temper temper. Calm down, little man. Perhaps we can reach an agreement.
J. Severe: That's what I suggested before. That is, before you shot me in my lungs!
Cranky Middle-Aged Lady: Heh heh. Dude, ya gotta let go of the past. You need to focus on the future.
J. Severe: Like what?
Cranky Middle-Aged Lady: (takes out remote with one giant button) Like saving the building where your special is being held before it's blown to bits!
J. Severe: What?! Why you ---!
Ashley: (holds J. Severe back) Stop! It's not worth it!
Cranky Middle-Aged Lady: Are you sure, Ashley? Even with the thousands of audience members plus A. Louis & Sarah who will die in vain?
Ashley: Okay, it's worth it. (lets go of J. Severe)
J. Severe: Raaagh! (body slams into Cranky Middle-Aged Lady and sends her flying off the edge of a nearby cliff)
Cranky Middle-Aged Lady: (presses the button on the remote) You have five minutes to get back and locate the hidden bomb before you all die! Mwah ha ha ha! Mwah ha ha haaaaa!
The Cranky Middle-Aged Lady falls to her death millions of feet below.
Random Girl: That was one seriously disturbed lady.
Jordan: Who cares about that? We've got to disable that bomb or else there'll be no more specials. Even worse, there will be no more of JSW or SIW!
The gang starts to run back; Random Kid falls on the ground, unable to move.
Random Kid: UGH!... I need to get to a hospital!
J. Severe: Guys, we have to help Random!
Ashley: But what about the bomb?
J. Severe: We can't let Random Kid die!
J. Severe and Ashley go face-to-face.
J. Severe: Random Kid!
Ashley: Bomb!
J. Severe: Random Kid!
Ashley: Baw-om!
SpongeWriter: Guys, this is not like your petty arguments about Harry Potter and Twilight! People lives are at stake! It's one thing or the other!
J. Severe and Ashley look at each other with worried looks on their faces. Will they leave Random Kid to die to save the other people... or will they take Random Kid to the hospital and let thousands of innocent people be blown up?
==Harry & Ed to the Rescue!==
Ashley: This is hopeless!
J. Severe: So what do we do?
Ashley: In times like this, I refer to the Girl-ble.
Jordan: Girl-ble?
Ashley: Yeah, the Girl Bible. Let's see, what do we do in times of distress? (flips pages in book) Ah, here we go: hope for Edward Cullen to save you.
J. Severe: What? That's preposterous! As if Edward Cullen would even ----
A mysterious figure comes running out of nowhere and stops in front of the gang. The figure turns out to be Edward Cullen!
Edward Cullen: Hey there, folks.
Ashley: (gasps) Eh-eh-eh-eh... oh... (faints)
Random Girl: Ashley, what's ---? (looks at Edward Cullen) (gasps) Eh-eh-eh-eh... oh... (faints)
Edward Cullen: Uh... are they okay?
J. Severe: 'Fraid not. They're mentally challenged.
Edward Cullen: Well, I was just runnin' some track when I heard some girl call my name. Is everything all right?
J. Severe: Yes, you can leave now.
Edward Cullen: What about that guy on the ground? (points to Random Kid)
J. Severe: We have it under control. Please go and never return.
SpongeWriter: J., we're in desperate need. You can't just shoo away someone who can help us!
J. Severe: Yes, I can! I made a wiki!
Edward Cullen: Now guys, if I'm causing a problem, I can leave.
N. Brian: No! We need your vampire powers to help us!
Edward Cullen: Wha --? How did you know I'm a vampire?! Are you with the Volturi?
N. Brian: The Vol-what?
Edward Cullen: Erm... never mind.
SpongeWriter: Please, Mr. Cullen. Our friend will die, and thousands of lives are at stake.
Edward Cullen: Hmm.... all right. But I got a hot date tonight so make it snappy.
SpongeWriter: Okay, folks. Climb on Ed's back and we'll race to the hospital.
J. Severe: Uh-uh! I ain't climbin' on no crackah's back!
SpongeWriter: But the fate of the city is in our hands!
J. Severe: I know. But I just don't want to get on some random guy's back is all.
Edward Cullen: The boy's right. I'm already hauling enough weight as it is.
Jordan: Aw, who's gonna help us now?
A bolt of lightning shines, then a "THUD!" is heard in a nearby bush.
J. Severe: What the --?
Out of the bush comes Harry Potter on a broomstick.
Harry Potter: Uh-oh. Muggles.
J. Severe: Harry Potter! I'm your biggest fan!
Harry Potter: You know who I am?
J. Severe: Of course I do! Got a little caught up in a game of Quidditch, eh?
Harry Potter: Uh... yes. I'm gonna have to erase your minds, y'know?
J. Severe: No! No. Your secret is safe with us. But we need your help.
Harry Potter: Help? With what?
J. Severe: I just need you to take me to 642 Anchor Road. We can get there fast on your broomstick.
Harry Potter: All right, but you owe me. Hop on.
J. Severe: (climbs on Harry Potter's broomstick) We'll get to the studio! You guys take Random Kid to the hospital!
SpongeWriter, N. Brian, Jordan, Edward Cullen: Got it!
Harry Potter: Off we go!
The broomstick ascends into the sky, then blasts off in tremendous speeds.
Edward Cullen: Whatcha guys waitin' for? Chinese New Year? Get on!
SpongeWriter, N. Brian, and Jordan (holding Random Kid) get on Edward Cullen's back. Edward Cullen then runs at tremendously fast speeds towards the nearest hospital.
Jordan: Whaaaaaaaaaa! This is toooooooooo faaaaaaaaast!
Edward Cullen: Hold on! It gets faster!
Meanwhile, at the studio...
Sarah: (sniff) Do you smell smoke?
A. Louis: No, I smell a bomb.
Silence.
A. Louis & Sarah: Smoke from a bomb!
A. Louis: There's a bomb hidden in here somewhere!
Sarah: We've got to get it out or else we'll all die!
A. Louis: Yeah, and I'll never be able to play my new Call of Duty game!
Sarah: At a time like this, all you can think about is games?
A. Louis: What? Modern Warfare is very important!
J. Severe and Harry Potter are flying at fast speeds.
J. Severe: We've only got a minute! We'll never make it!
Harry Potter: Never say never! We have magic on our side!
Harry Potter lifts up his wand to cast a spell, but the wand is blasted out of his hand by a laser!
J. Severe & Harry Potter: Huh?!!
Behind them, a giant aircraft is shooting missiles rapidly! A Cranky Teenage Girl shouts from a bullhorn.
Cranky Teenage Girl: You killed my mother! Now I'll kill you!
Harry Potter: Killed a mother?!
J. Severe: It's a long story. Look out!!!
Harry Potter quickly swerves the broomstick as missiles are rapidly firing at him!
Harry Potter: Whoa! Hang on!
Harry Potter swerves the broomstick downward, bringing them to level with the people on the street!
Random Lady on the Street: Look! There's a real life wizard!
Harry Potter: Ugh. The Ministry of Magic is SO gonna get me for this.
Another laser blasts at the two, nearly missing them by inches! The laser hits the streets, causing a giant explosion!
People on da Street: (scream and run around)
J. Severe: Harry, I'll take care of the broomstick. You repel them!
Harry Potter: You know how to fly a broomstick?
J. Severe: Well, it can't be much different than flying a mop.
J. Severe flies the broomstick while Harry Potter shoots various spells at the villains.
Cranky Teenage Girl: What is he doing?
Cranky Teenage Girl's Boyfriend: Beats me. But it looks gnarly.
The spells hit the giant aircraft, causing part of it to explode!
Cranky Teenage Girl: (flies back and hits the wall) Aaaaaaaaah!
The Cranky Teenage Girl's Boyfriend falls off the edge of the aircraft, plummeting to his doom!
Cranky Teenage Girl: Johnnnny! Oh! Those freaks are gonna PAY!
The Cranky Teenage Girl goes to the weapons' department and puts all missiles on "auto-shoot." Thus, all the missiles are repeatedly fired towards J. Severe and Harry Potter!
Harry Potter: We're gonna get destroyed!
J. Severe: Put a force field around us!
Harry Potter: I never learned a spell like that!
J. Severe: Well do SOMETHING! Or else we're gonna di---
BOOOOOOM!
Meanwhile, Edward Cullen has arrived with the boys at the hospital.
Edward Cullen: We've gotta get him to the Emergency Room!
Edward Cullen (with Random Kid in his arms) and the boys run to the check-in desk.
Edward Cullen: Please ma'am. We've got a dying random kid here.
Check-in Desk Lady: Okay, do you have an appoi--- (looks at Edward Cullen) Uh..uh..uh.... (faints)
Edward Cullen: Why do girls always faint when they see me!? l
Jordan: Either they think you're hot, or you smell really bad. (sniffs the air) Probably your smell.
Edward Cullen: Whatever.
Edward Cullen (with Random Kid in his arms) and the boys run over to a nearby nurse.
Edward Cullen: Ma'am, please! We have a ---
Nurse: (looks at Edward Cullen) You're uh..uh..uh.. (faints)
Edward Cullen: My GOSH! My beauty is my only weakness!
SpongeWriter: Why don't you try a doctor? He won't fall for you.
Edward Cullen: Of course! To the doctor!
Edward Cullen (with Random Kid in his arms) and the boys run over to the doctor.
Edward Cullen: Sir, we have a dying random kid who was exposed to extreme degrees of fire. He needs help.
Doctor: Okay, now. (turns around) Do you... yuh-yuh... You're EDWARD CULLEN!
Edward Cullen: Oh gosh.
Doctor: My teenage daughter absolutely loves you!
Edward Cullen: Can we stop talking about me and focus on the dead boy?!
Doctor: Wait, wait, hold on. Let's pose for a few pictures, then I'll get your autograph, and ---
Edward Cullen: ROOOAR! (punches Doctor)
The Doctor is hit so hard he flies back and crashes through the window!
Doctor: (as he falls down) I'm a big faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan.... (body thuds)
N. Brian: Way to go, genius. You just punched the only person who could help us out the window.
Edward Cullen: Gee, sorry. My anger got the best of me there.
Jordan: Looks like we're gonna have to operate on Random ourselves.
Edward Cullen, SpongeWriter, and N. Brian: What?!
Jordan: Either that, or we go marching around the place looking for another hospital for nurses to faint at the sight of Ed.
Edward Cullen, SpongeWriter, and N. Brian: Ugh... fine!
Meanwhile, back in the middle of nowhere...
Ashley: (wakes up) Ugh... where am I? (looks around) Oh no! I'm lost!
Random Girl: (wakes up) Hey there, Ashley.
Ashley: Oh no! I'm lost with YOU!
Previously with J. Severe and Harry Potter...
J. Severe: Well do SOMETHING! Or else we're gonna di---!
BOOOOOOOOM!
J. Severe: Naaaaah!
When the dust clears, a force field appears over J. Severe and Harry Potter.
Harry Potter: Hey, whadda know? I remembered it! (lowers wand, making force field disappear)
J. Severe: You always seem to save the day at the worst of times, Harry.
One last missiles touches the end tip of the broomstick, catapulting J. Severe and Harry Potter in the air!
Harry Potter: Whoa! (casts a spell that lets him float in the air) Yeah!
Cranky Teenage Girl: Die, Witch Boy! (fires lasers at Harry Potter)
Harry Potter: That's wizard to you, girlie. (turns wand into a lightsaber to block lasers) He-yah! He-yah!
J. Severe is seen rocketing through the window of the studio! As glass shatters everywhere, J. Severe heads straight for where the bomb is!
Sarah: Look up in the sky!
A. Louis: It's a bird!
Random Guy in the Audience: It's a plane!
Random Gal in the Audience: No, it's...
Audience: J. SEVERE!
Timer on the bomb: 00:03... 00:02... 00:01...
J. Severe tackles the bomb on the ground as it explodes!
==A Sad Ending to the Greatest Hero of Our Time...==
... NOT!
When the dust clears, J. Severe is laying over a pile of broken bomb parts.
J. Severe: Someone obviously DIDN'T tighten the bolts on this one.
Audience: (cheers) You did it! You did it!
Out of nowhere, Harry Potter comes crashing to the ground!
Harry Potter: I couldn't do it... she was too strong...
Cranky Teenage Girl: Ha ha! You may have destroyed the bomb, but I can still blast you to oblivion with my missiles!
J. Severe: Not if I can help it!
Cranky Teenage Girl: Help WHAT?
J. Severe: It! Help IT!
Meanwhile, Edward Cullen, Jordan, SpongeWriter, and N. Brian are putting bandages across Random Kid's cuts.
SpongeWriter: Sure we put band-aids over his wounds, but how do revive him?
Edward Cullen: Simple. CPR.
SpongeWriter & Jordan: What?!
N. Brian: Hold on, this could work. All we need to do is get Destiny.
Random Kid: (wakes up immediately) I'm okay! I'm okay!
N. Brian: Heh heh. Works everytime.
Random Kid: What the --?! Edward Cullen?! I'm-a gonna punch you! (swings at Edward Cullen)
SpongeWriter: Random, stop! Edward's helping us!
Random Kid: Vampires don't help people. They suck your blood!
Edward Cullen: Guys, please, I have a hot date tonight. Can we hurry this up?
Jordan: Come on, Random. Just let him take us back to the studio, then you never have to see him again.
Random Kid: Hmm. Okay. But how does he have a car?
Edward Cullen: Car? Ha ha ha!
The four boys get on Edward Cullen's back.
Random Kid: I'm uneasy about getting on some hairy guy's back.
Edward Cullen: Then close your eyes!
Edward and the boys race against time to get back to the studio.
Ashley: Looks like we're stuck here to starve and die.
Random Girl: Yep, and all because we saw...
Edward Cullen and the boys stop in front of Ashley & Random Girl.
Ashley & Random Girl: -- EDWARD CULLEN!
Edward Cullen: Please don't faint this time.
Ashley: I'll see if I can contain it. (inhales) Okay, I think I can. What about you, Random Girl?
Random Girl: (is on the ground, lifeless)
Ashley: Well...
Jordan: Whatever. Just grab her and hop on.
Ashley grabs Random Girl and hops on Edward's back.
Edward Cullen: I feel like a subway station.
Random Kid: Shut up and go, boahy!
Edward and the gang continue on.
Cranky Teenage Girl: Now... prepare to die!
J. Severe: Well at least the rest of the gang isn't here to die.
Right then, the gang shows up.
Random Kid: What'd we miss?
J. Severe: Aw dang.
Cranky Teenage Girl: Yes! Kill one, kill all! (moves fingers to press button)
Guy: Ma'am, Timmy just threw up on the port!
Cranky Teenage Girl: Oh d!
J. Severe: "Oh d"? "Oh d"?! "Oh DEE"?!!!
Ashley: Shouldn't've done that.
Jordan: She's dead.
J. Severe: Guards, arrest this fool!
Cranky Teenage Girl: Huh?
A bunch of guards fall from the sky and land on the Cranky Teenage Girl's aircraft.
Cranky Teenage Girl: Oh no! Please! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Noooooooooo!
The aircraft suddenly explodes in a burst of flames!
Random Kid: Ruuuun!
The gang runs to safety as chunks of the aircraft on fire come falling down on top of them!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!
When the dust clears, aircraft parts of scattered everywhere. The Cranky Teenage Girl (who has miraculously survived) tries to escape.
J. Severe: Seize her!
A guard tackles the Cranky Teenage Girl to the ground, then drags her behind the curtain.
Cranky Teenage Girl: Hey, what do you think you're ---?
(Gun cocks)
Cranky Teenage Girl: Whoa! This guard is ---
(Rapidly firing gunshots; screaming; red liquid oozes out from behind the curtains)
Guard: Enemy terminated, boss!
J. Severe: (deviously) Excellent.
Edward Cullen: Well, looks like my work is done. Bella, here I come! (zooms off into the distance)
Harry Potter: Man, my time is SO gonna get a penalty. (flies off in his broomstick)
Random Kid: Since when was Harry Potter here?
J. Severe: It's a long story. Let's just finish the special.
==Back to the Special==
Ashley: What? After all we've been through, you want to CONTINUE the special?
J. Severe: Sure. I mean we're scheduled for one hour, right?
Ashley: It's way past one hour!
J. Severe: It is? Well... It seems we'll have to cancel everything. I'll go tell Justin Bieber that he can't perform.
Random Kid: Hey! You can't just leave everything like that! We have loads of material!
Random Girl: Maybe we can use it in the 1 Year Anniversary Special.
J. Severe: We already HAVE things planned for that.
SpongeWriter: So why don't we use this material AND the next. After all, it IS the 1 year celebration. It should be ultra!
J. Severe: Hmm. That's a good idea. .... It's decided! We'll go home for the day and leave everything for the next special.
Audience: Yaaaaaay!
Ashley: (sigh) I wish I could've spent more time with Edward Cullen.
Sarah: Edward Cullen? Where?!!!
J. Severe: Ah, we booted the guy out. He was of no help to us.
Sarah: Are you kidding? Edward is the BEST guy ever! He's even a better writer than all a you comBINED!
A. Louis: What? No one disses my cousin like that!
Sarah: Then I guess we're over!
A. Louis: (gasp) .... F-fine! I never liked you anyway!
Sarah starts walking out the door.
Sarah: You'll all pay dearly for this! All of you! Mwah ha ha ha! (runs out door laughing maniacally)
A. Louis: (pauses for a few seconds) Nooo! Don't go, please! I thought we had something special!
N. Brian: (pats A. Louis on the back) Don't worry, A. There are plenty of other fish in the sea.
A. Louis: But I hate fish...
Random Kid: Well, folks, that's all for today! See you next time!
(Ending music plays)
Random Kid: And.... end! Okay, cut, print, I'm going home. (walks off stage, outside, walks in his car and drives away)
Random Girl: Uh... he DOES know there's one more thing to do, right?
J. Severe: Eh, probably not.
==The Special Treat==
J. Severe: Introducing... a sneak peek at Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Parts I & II!
Audience: (cheers)
Ashley: What? Is this another one of your stupid HP junk?
J. Severe: Trust me, Ashley. You'll like this.
SpongeWriter: (presses button on remote; TV from the award show descends from the ceiling)
Random Kid: (bursts out from behind the curtains with giant bowls of popcorn) I've got popcorn!
N. Brian: Awesome! (leaves A. Louis's side)
A. Louis: Do you mind?! I'm having a romantic crisis!
Trailer begins on screen.
:::thumb|500px|left
Audience: (cheers wildly)
J. Severe: So Ashley, what do you think of THAT?
Ashley: Hmm... I know I've seen that before, but I can't recall. Oh yeah, I saw it before Eclipse!
J. Severe: What?! A trailer for a Harry Potter movie before a movie as foolish as Eclipse?! That's ludicrous!
Random Kid: It's true. Said so on Wikipedia.
J. Severe: Harry Potter? Twilight? Together?
Ashley: If Harry Potter and Twilight can be together, then maybe we can be together... (takes J.'s hand)
J. Severe: Huh?! Uh, er... (jumps back) I'm afraid not. HP is from Warner Bros. and Twilight is from Summit Entertainment, so therefore... ah, forget it!
Ashley: Face it, J. They ARE equal!
J. Severe: Ugh... fine. Harry Potter and Twilight are eh... they are eh... equa... they're... I can't say it!
Ashley: Just say it.
J. Severe: No, I will not ---
Ashley: JUST SAY IT, BOAHY!!!
J. Severe: Aah! They're equal!
Ashley: That's much better.
Random Kid: So... NOW it's over?
Jordan: Not yet! Hit it!
==The End: Final Musical Number==
[Jordan - Chorus]
All I Do is win win win no matter what
got money on mind i can never get enough
and everytime I step up in the building
everybody hands go up
and they stay there
and they say yeah
and they stay there
Up down, up down
cause all I do is win win win
and if you goin’ in put your hands in the air..
[J. Severe]
Ludacris goin in on the verse
cause I never been defeated and I won’t stop now
keep your hands up put em in the sky for the homies that didn’t make it and the folks locked down
I never went no where
they saying J. is back
blame it on that conjure
the hood call it J. Sayac
and I’m on this foolish track so I spit my foolish flows
my hands go up and down like helium balloons go
my verses still be serving, tight like a million surgeonslast time on a wiki remix now I’m on the original version
aint never count me out
y’all better count me in
got 20 bank accounts, accountants count me in
make millions every year, the souths champion
cause all I do, all I, all I, all I
all I do is…
[Chorus]
[Random Kid]
Swerving in my Lolo,
head on the swivel
you know serving me’s a no no
clean as a whistle as I pull out in my Rolls Royce
yellow bone passenger they see it, they say oh boy!
tell wiki back it up, my comrads call me Loco
thats for armed trafficking, don’t make me pull that fo-fo
ask you what you laughing at
represent that mud life
dirty money beast you better get your mud right
we come together holding hands and holla thug life
we are strapped in all black
it’s like thug life
(all we do is win)
you riding the what
we riding the night
you riding with me cause you wasn’t riding right
KID…
[Chorus]
[A. Louis]
heat on the computer, pot on the stove
ramen getting boiled, comics getting sold
snoopy in the hoopty, system overload
I’ve been running this rap game since I was 20 years old
I hung with the worst of them
bust till I burst on em
floss em up, toss em up, hardaway, boss em up
pardon me I bossing the pressure up, bless ya bruh
don’t wanna mess with us
we like the U in the 80’s
back to back set a trap
hit the lick, hit it back
hit the trick, jump the track
beast I want my money back
time and time again while I’m sipping on this milkAl Davis said it best, just win baby win
[Chorus]
[End]
Jordan: Now THAT was a great musical number!
Random Kid: Yes, I guess that was pretty entertaining.
A. Louis: An awesome way to end the special!
N. Brian: Got that right! Even if I didn't get to sing...
Random Girl: Neither did me or Ashley.
N. Brian: Yeah, but you guys had that whole "Hot 'n Cold" thing and I'm just standing here with nothing to do!
SpongeWriter: Maybe next special.
N. Brian: What?! I gotta wait THREE months for a stinkin' song! That ain't right!
SpongeWriter: Now just calm down.
N. Brian: Shut up! (smacks SpongeWriter)
SpongeWriter: (wipes mark off face) Did you just slap me?!
N. Brian: (smacks SpongeWriter) Does that answer your question?
SpongeWriter: (punches N. Brian in the stomach!)
N. Brian: (kicks SpongeWriter in the shin!)
SpongeWriter: (strangles N. Brian!)
N. Brian: (throws SpongeWriter on the floor!) WHAT!!!
The team looks at N. Brian disgustedly.
N. Brian: What?
SpongeWriter: Gaaah! (pulls N. Brian to the floor)
N. Brian & SpongeWriter keep fighting until they are out of view.
Ashley: Well...
J. Severe: So folks, I guess that's it for the 3/4 Year Anniversary Special!
Random Kid: Yep, we'll see you all next time!
A. Louis: Peace!
Ashley & Random Girl: Buh-bye!
The curtains close, officially ending the special.
Backstage...
J. Severe: Well THAT took out a lot of my day.
Random Kid: Yes. Yes, it did. If we hurry, maybe we can watch the Soccer World Cup on TV.
Ashley: Yeah!
The three run off, leaving A. Louis and Random Girl by themselves.
A. Louis: So... ya like jazz?
Random Girl: (brutally mangles A. Louis until he is reduced to a human pretzel, then walks away)
A. Louis: I'll take that as a no...
==Credits==
thumb|200px|right|Music to be played during credits.
Written by J. Severe
Directed by J. Severe
Produced by Wikia Centrail
Hosted by Writers' United
===Cast===
Speaking Roles
Everyone
Boys
*J. Severe
*Random Kid
*Jordan
*A. Louis
*N. Brian
*SpongeWriter
Girls
*Ashley
*Random Girl
*Hevani
Sarah Pickett (known at first as "Girl")
Audience
*Various Members of Audience
*Random Guy in Audience
*Guy in Audience
*Guy with the Skull T-Shirt
*Anthony Hewitt
*Fat Guy
Cranky Middle-Aged Lady
Reporter (Samantha Rarks)
Cranky Teenage Girl
Driver
Emcees
Guy
Police Officer
Singers
Waiters
Guard
Guard #2
Officer
Execution Guy
Execution Audience
Doctor
Check-in-Desk Lady
Nurse
Guest stars:
Harry Potter
Edward Cullen
Mentioned:
None
===Songs===
Witch Doctor: Written by Ross Bagdasarian (under pseudonym Dave Seville). Performed by Everyone
Hot 'n Cold: Written by Katy Perry. Performed by the Girls of Writers' United.
Wanna Be Startin' Somethin': Written by Michael Jackson. Performed by [played on dusty old record player]
All I Do Is Win: Written by DJ Khaled. Performed by the Boys of Writers' United (excluding N. Brian and SpongeWriter)
The 13th Struggle: Instrumental. Performed by the KINGDOM Orchestra.
Copyright MMX by The JS Company
In Association with Wikia
Harry Potter, The Twilight Saga, and Captain Underpants are the exclusive properties of Warner Bros., Summit Entertainment, and Scholastic Inc. Their involvement in this special was for entertainmental purposes only; Copyright infrigement is not intended. Videos are courtesy of YouTube, Inc. Pokemon and Alice in Wonderful videos are owned by Pokemon USA, Inc. and the Walt Disney Company, respectively.
==Aftermath==
J. Severe and Random Kid are sitting at a desk near the exit, handing each audience member a disc.
J. Severe: I know this special wasn't much but just watch - the next special is gonna make up for it!
Random Kid: Yeah!
Guy from Audience: (scoff) Puh-leeze! (leaves room, rolling his eyes)
Random Kid: Come on! At least you got to see when we defeated that Cranky Teenage Girl! We should get points for that! We should get points for that...
J. Severe: Don't worry, Random. These folks will see what we've got in 3 months! I'm sure of it!
SpongeWriter: That is, if anyone comes.
J. Severe: What the --?! Where'd you come from?
SpongeWriter: I came from my mother. Anyways, I'm hear to collect my check.
J. Severe: Oh yeah. (takes out envelope and hands it to SpongeWriter) See you online.
SpongeWriter: Got that right. SpongeWriter is out, PEACE! (runs out door)
A. Louis: (comes sadly sulking) I really blew it with Sarah.
J. Severe: Yes. Yes, you did.
Random Kid: Come on, A. Louis. Perk yourself up. You'll find someone new.
A. Louis: Ya really sure?
Random Kid: Yeah. A good lookin' guy like you? (looks at A. Louis and is disgusted) (sarcastically) The dames'll be breakin' down yer door.
A. Louis: Yeah! Look out, world! A. Louis has arrived! (runs out door)
N. Brian: (walks over to the desk) Better go. (edges over to the door)
J. Severe: How come you always follow A. Louis and leave when he leaves? It's like your his servant or something.
N. Brian: (looks around suspiciously and starts sweating) S-servant? N-no! Heh heh. That's preposterous! I'm definitely not a clone of him or something.
Random Kid: What?
N. Brian: Aagh! (jumps out window)
Ashley: (walks up with Random Girl) That was... weird.
Random Girl: Yeah.
J. Severe: Hey there, gals. Closin' up shop?
Random Girl: Yeah. We're gonna mosey on home and see if we can catch New Moon on demand.
Ashley: Yeah! It's gonna be our 10th time!
Random Kid: Huh. Well have fun.
Ashley: You bet we will! (She and Random Girl skip out the door)
J. Severe: Well, I'm pretty tired. I think I'll go back home. Let's meet again tomorrow to clean things up.
Random Kid: Deal. I have to get to work on SIW's ½ Year Anniversary Special anyway.
J. Severe and Random Kid lock the door and close it. The building is dark and empty until Hevani comes crashing through one of the windows!
Hevani: Hey there! I'm here to collect my money!
(Silence; Hevani realizes the place is empty)
Hevani: I guess I'm a little late. (looks at the messy food table) At least I get free food. (takes crumbled cupcake off table and eats it)
<poll>
What is your opinion of this special?
It was awesome! You rock!
It was horrible! You stink!
It was okay... ehhh...
It was so good I want ta marry it! O_O
The SIW special was better.
I expected more from you.
(wakes up) Huh? Did I take a left turn at Alberquerque?...
</poll>
Category:Specials