The Laughing Hour (Rewrite)/transcript

== Transcript ==
Episode Aired: February 17, 2024
Episode Copyrighted: 2024
This episode is rated TV-Y7.
The episode begins with an open shot of Reef Cinema. Inside, SpongeBob, Patrick, Lincoln and Leni are walking up to the front desk.
Lincoln Loud: I love going to the movies. The sticky floors make me feel grounded.
Leni Loud: I totes can't wait for you to see this movie, Lincoln.
Patrick Star: Yeah, it's the funniest thing I've never seen in your life. *chuckles* There's this part where this guy... *laughs*
SpongeBob SquarePants: *to vendor, holds up two fingers* Two combos, please.
Leni Loud: Is wearing a hat. *laughs*
Lincoln Loud: *sticks bare foot into Leni's mouth* No spoilers, Leni.
Slide transition cuts to SpongeBob, Patrick, Lincoln and Leni getting into their seats, stepping on the sticky floors. The movie starts, and a black and white title card appears that says "PRUDENCE IN LOVE."
SpongeBob SquarePants: *offscreen* "Prudence in Love"? That doesn't sound funny. Patrick, Lincoln, Leni, are you sure we're in the right theater?
Patrick Star: *laughs* Shh! *grabs Lincoln, then points at the screen*
On the screen, a couple is embracing each other.
Nathaniel: I love you, Prudence.
Prudence: And to I you, Nathaniel.
Nathaniel: But I love you more, Prudence.
Prudence: *flicks hand against Nathaniel* Then I love you slightly more than that, Nathaniel.
Nathaniel: It's not a competition, Prudence.
Prudence: But if it were, I'd be winning.
Lincoln Loud: Aw, this is so sweet. *whispers* But this movie is not funny.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *laughs*
Patrick Star: *laughs*
Leni Loud: *laughs*
Lincoln Loud: *points at SpongeBob, Patrick and Leni* But your laughter is so infectious. *laughs, imitating SpongeBob with him, Patrick and Leni*
The audience gets angry at SpongeBob, Patrick, Lincoln and Leni.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Lincoln and Leni Loud: *laughs*
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star and Leni Loud: *stops laughing*
As Lincoln slaps his knees and continues laughing, imitating SpongeBob.
Leni Loud: It's not funny, Lincoln.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah, you’re imitating me.
Lincoln Loud: *continues laughing and slaps back seats*
Prudence and Nathaniel: *glares at Lincoln*
Prudence: Hey, what are you laughing at like SpongeBob? *crossing arms* This is a melodrama, not a comedy.
Nathaniel: Yes. Take a hike, Chuckles.
Audience: *boos Lincoln*
As he continues laughing.
Patrick Star: Can you believe this guy, laughing all through the movie like that?
Usher from SpongeBob SquarePants: *shines flashlight* Who is making all that noise? *shines the flashlight onto Lincoln*
Lincoln Loud: *stop laughing and screams*
Usher from SpongeBob SquarePants: *takes Lincoln by his nose*
Lincoln Loud: But, but–
Usher from SpongeBob SquarePants: No buts, SpongeBob imitater boy, take your hardy har hars *takes Lincoln out* outside!
Audience: *cheers*
Usher from SpongeBob SquarePants: *kicks Lincoln out into the dumpster*
Lincoln Loud: Ahh! *emerges from the dumpster* Huh? Oh no. What am I going to do? I'll just have to hold it in. *hops out the dumpster and runs out, then drunkenly walks downtown*
While he's hugging himself.
Lincoln Loud: I know. I'll just hold my breath. *inhales deeply, begins floating and grabs a pole, then stops*
Man: *to a small man in a comically large hat* No doubt about it, sir. You look fantastic in that hat.
Man with hat: Oh, I look fantastic, huh? *smashes hat onto the man, then runs away*
Lincoln Loud: Oh, wait. I really like that hat. *runs towards the man, then stops, then continues laughing the other way*
Milkman: *sobs in front of a damaged milk truck, near some broken milk jars*
Lincoln Loud: You're crying over spilled milk! *runs away*
Slide transition cuts to The Royal Woods Kangaroos are in a soccer match against Beaverton. Lynn weaves between two Beaverton players, launches the ball skyward, and then leaps up and shoots it into the net. Luna, Luan, Lola, Lisa, Rita and Lynn Sr. are watching from the bleachers and cheer for Lynn.
Lynn Loud Sr.: *films with my camera* Oh, I'm getting it all! Go, LJ!
Lincoln Loud: *cheers my sister* Yeah! Woo-hoo!
Lynn runs around the field.
Scoots from The Loud House: What kind of run is that, Loud? *drives over the bleachers to see Lynn, then bowls over a few other audience members*
Audience: Ow!
Scoots from The Loud House: Looks more like an emu trotting across the outback.
Audience: *laughs*
Lynn Loud Jr.: *looks at Scoots annoyed* Oh great. Scoots. *resumes running*
Cut to Lynn about to kick towards the goal.
Scoots from The Loud House: Someone called the zookeeper!
Lynn Loud Jr.: *fails to kick the ball properly*
Scoots from The Loud House: We got ourselves an emu on the loose!
Lynn Loud Jr.: *accidentally hits the Kangaroos' mascot instead*
Scoots from The Loud House: Ha! *points at the mascot*
Lynn Loud Jr.: *growls*
Slide transition cuts to the tie-breaker round of the game.
Lynn Loud Jr.: goes forth for a kick until*
Scoots from The Loud House: Squawk! Kick it, emu!
Lynn Loud Jr.: *kicks the ball to the goal*
But the goalie intercepts, hitting the Kangaroos' mascot.
Scoots from The Loud House: *laughs evilly*
Lynn Loud Jr.: *growls*
Slide transition cuts to later, it's 10 seconds left on the clock, both teams tied. The referee blows the whistle.
Lynn Loud Jr.: Alright, LJ. Score's tied, ten seconds left on the clock. Focus. Your team needs you.
She and her teammates advance, only for...
Imaginary Scoots: Emu!
Lynn Loud Jr.: Huh?
She then starts hallucinating Scoots taunting her.
Imaginary Scoots Heads: Emu! Emu!
Lynn Loud Jr.: *shakes off the hallucinations, only to hallucinate more Scoots heads appearing on the Beavertons*
Imaginary Scoots: Hey there, birdie! Thought you could get rid of me that easy?
Lynn Loud Jr.: *continues to carry the ball, but hallucinates my legs becoming emu legs, then gasps* AH! I've got emu legs! *screams*
The Beavertons kick the ball, scoring the final goal.
Rita and Lynn Loud Sr.: *sighs in disappointment*
Slide transition cuts to the Krusty Krab.
Lincoln Loud: *peeks out from the wall, then slides to the front door, then flails to open the door, then runs inside and hides under a table, quickly moves from table to table* Okay, if I can just make it to the kitchen, *slithers along the floor* nobody will hear the SpongeBob imitation. 
Squidward Tentacles: *enters from a door*
Lincoln Loud: *lands onto Squidward's face*
Squidward Tentacles: Lincoln, kindly get in the kitchen. *pulls Lincoln off of my face* And off of my face!
Lincoln Loud: Your face?
Squidward Tentacles: What's the SpongeBob imitation?
Lincoln Loud: Well, there's nothing funny about your face. *laughs like SpongeBob, then dashes into the kitchen*
Squidward Tentacles: *enters cashier boat* Don't laugh at me. *points to myself then to the kitchen* I laugh at you. *crosses arms* Ha! *slumps, then looks at my reflection in a mirror*
Squidward’s Reflection: Don't listen to him. You're beautiful. *kisses Squidward* Mwah.
Screen cuts to Lincoln entering the storage room and closing the door behind him.
Lincoln Loud: Nobody will hear SpongeBob’s laughs in here. *laughs like SpongeBob*
The camera pans upward to reveal that Lincoln's laughs like SpongeBob can be heard through an air vent on the ceiling. The customers are appalled.
Old Lady: Hey, I'm eating here!
As everyone begins leaving.
Man: Why is the restaurant laughing at us like SpongeBob?
In Mr. Krabs' office, writing on a piece of paper as he hears Lincoln's laughing like SpongeBob* Huh? *growls*
Lincoln is still laughing like SpongeBob in the storage room as Mr. Krabs suddenly opens the door.
Mr. Krabs: Lincoln!
Lincoln Loud: *laughs like SpongeBob*
Mr. Krabs: What has gotten into you, Mr. Lincoln?!
While he's banging on the floor as he is dragged into the kitchen by Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Your little Lincoln laughing SpongeBob imitater prank just scared away *sets Lincoln down* all me customers. Explain yourself, Mr. Lincoln!
Squidward Tentacles: *points at Lincoln* He's a SpongeBob imitater, Mr. Krabs.
Lincoln Loud: *waves hands* Oh, I'm not laughing at you, Squidward. I'm not laughing at anything. I was trying to help SpongeBob. Mr. Krabs, what do I do?
Mr. Krabs: *places Lincoln in front of the grill* Think of happy thoughts *slaps patty onto the grill and puts a spatula in Lincoln's hand* and just knock it off!
Lady Upturn: *opens kitchen door while holding my worm Fifi* I am offended! *pets Fifi* There is no one here to take my Fifi's order!
Mr. Krabs: *approaches Upturn* Oh, gold-plated sorries, Lady Upturn. Mr. Squidward will take your very important order right away.
Fifi: *tries to reach for the patty on the grill, then leaps for it while making Upturn fall*
Lady Upturn: Whoa! I need an ambulance.
Lincoln Loud: *laughs like SpongeBob
Lady Upturn: How dare you laugh like SpongeBob at my misfortune! Mr. Krabs, fire this cretin at once!
Mr. Krabs: You heard her. *points to the entrance* Come back when you're not a giggling idiot.
Lincoln Loud: Don't come back? But, Mr. Krabs, I'm not laughing on purpose. *laughs like SpongeBob and looks at Fifi*
Lady Upturn: *gasps* He's acting like SpongeBob, Fifi. *puts my head down*
Fifi: *growls, then wrestles Lincoln and bites his nose*
Lincoln Loud: *gets up* I'm sorry, Fifi. *grabbing onto Mr. Krabs* I'm a monster! *runs away and laughs like SpongeBob*
He then runs in town while some people look out their windows.
Screen cuts to the Little Miss Royal Woods Pageant.
Cheryl Farrell: And now to dazzle us like my rhinestone jean jacket, Miss Lola and her ribbon routine!
Lola walks on the stage confidently, only to recognize the judge who gave her a terrible critique. She hallucinates SpongeBob as that same judge, and all of them laugh. As soon as the music starts, The three SpongeBobs begin to laugh.
SpongeBobs as judges: *laughs at Lola*
Lola Loud: *screams and bolts off the stage*
Slide transition cuts to the building.
Lincoln Loud: *hides behind a building* I gotta hide. That way, my SpongeBob laughter won't hurt anyone else. *enters the building into a dark room* Okay, good. It's dark. If there's nothing to see, there's nothing to laugh at. Right? *snickers*
As the lights turn on to reveal he is in an operating room, with doctors watching. A nurse opens the door as he wheels in a robot patient.
Purple Doctorfish: Today, we will be operating on a robot.
Doctors: Oh, robot.
Doctor: How exciting.
Female nurse from SpongeBob SquarePants: What will they think of next?
Purple Doctorfish: I will begin by loosening the first bolt. *holds out hand* Nurse, wrench.
Female nurse from SpongeBob SquarePants: *hands him a wrench and strains while operating, sweating*
Purple Doctorfish: Wow. This is really on tight. Nurse, sponge.
While Lincoln is being used to wipe the surgeon's sweat.
Lincoln Loud Ooh. *laughs like SpongeBob*
Purple Doctorfish: Laughing is not allowed in the operating room. Get out of here!
Lincoln's drool lands onto the robot, making it spark and get up. It grabs a blowtorch and a handheld saw.
Robot: *laughs and activates the blowtorch
As it chases the others in a circle while Lincoln continues laughing like SpongeBob.
Robot: I am the surgeon now. I am the surgeon now. I am the surgeon now.
All the doctors write on their clipboards.
Doctor: Fascinating.
Lincoln Loud: exits the Emergency building and leaving the nurse and doctor behind*
Purple Doctorfish: *head slides off, then crosses my arms*
Slide transition cuts to the Loud House, Luan begins her comedy vlog.
Luan Loud: Hey, guys! Welcome to my show! Mr. C, did you hear the one about the classically-trained gorilla?
Suddenly she starts hallucinating It's not funny's Lincoln is a SpongeBob laughter, bad reviews and stammers. The reviews all dissipate, revealing Luan completely defeated and unmotivated.
Slide transition cuts to Lynn's Table, Lynn Sr. is busy stirring a mix.
Lynn Loud Sr.: Mix-a-mix-a-mix-a-mix-a-mix...
Suddenly he starts hallucinating SpongeBob on his wooden spoon.
Imaginary SpongeBob SquarePants: I was thinking you could make something edible this time? Maybe like a lasagna! *laughs*
Lynn Loud Sr.: *panics, only to hallucinate Mr. Grouse coming out of a pot*
Imaginary SpongeBob SquarePants: Nope! No lasagnas in here! *laughs*
Lynn Loud Sr.: *slams the pot lid back on in a panic, only for another hallucination of Mr. Grouse to emerge from the oven*
Imaginary SpongeBob SquarePants: Not in here, either! *laughs*
Lynn Loud Sr. *yelps and runs to the customer service window*
The real Mr. Grouse is waiting.
Mr. Grouse: Hey, Loud, what's the bathroom code?
At this point, Lynn Sr. can't handle seeing Mr. Grouse anymore, screams, and collapses while babbling.
Mr. Grouse: Huh. Cuckoo.
Screen cuts to Lincoln running away.
Lincoln Loud: That is not funny. *stops next to a poster that depicts him that says "WANTED: LAUGHING MANIAC." *sees a cemetery up ahead* The cemetery. There's nothing funny in a cemetery. *snickers* Maybe I'll just live the rest of my life here. *snickers*
As he runs into the cemetery, then walks onward and sees clowns crying at a funeral.
Lincoln Loud: *gasps* Clowns? Oh, no.
Clown: *at a podium* There are two kinds of clowns in this world, clowns that are only laughing on the outside, and clowns that are only laughing on the inside. Sparklenose the Clown was both, and that's what made him a star. *honks a horn, then the others follow*
Lincoln Loud: So solemn. I should leave. *tries to run off, then trips on a rock, bounces off of a clown, and lands on Sparklenose* Whoa!
Sparklenose's nose lands on his, then he laughs like SpongeBob.
Lincoln Loud: Holy herring, I'm squatting on a corpse.
Sparklenose: Would you get off my chest? *takes my nose and puts it back on*
Lincoln Loud: Huh? *points* You're alive?
Sparklenose: Of course I'm alive. This is a living funeral, and you're ruining it.
Lincoln Loud: Sorry. I'm not laughing at you, Sparklenose. *stands up* Oh, I'll just get off of your chest. *laughs like SpongeBob, then falls, tripping over a wreath on a pole* Whoa!
The wreath lands on his neck.
Sparklenose: I'm allergic to wreath pollen! Eeh, ah...
Clown: *points* Cheese it...
Other clowns: *backs away*
Clown: ...he's gonna blow!
Sparklenose: Achoo!
From a distance, a blue sparkle explosion cloud appears, and the scene comes back with everyone covered in sparkles.
Lincoln Loud: Sorry.
Sparklenose: *points to Lincoln* You turned my clown funeral into a joke! *honks horn*
Others: *follows*
Lincoln Loud: *runs away* Forgive me, Sparklenose!
Screen cuts to The Moon Goats are driving in Chunk's van listening to "My Band".
Luna Loud: I think we should open with this song tonight. What do you think, Chunkster?
Suddenly she hallucinates SpongeBob manager's face over Chunk's.
Imaginary SpongeBob SquarePants: I hate it! Why did I ever hire you? *ejects Luna's tape and chucks it out of the van* I should have gone with Grandma Gertie! *laughs*
Laughter is heard.
Luna turns around and hallucinates SpongeBob's face on Sam, Mazzy, and Sully, all laughing at her.
Luna Loud: STOP!
The van abruptly stops on an intersection, blocking traffic and causing cars to abruptly stop and honk.
Chunk Monk: Give a bloke some warning next time, love.
Luna Loud: *chuckles nervously*
Screen cuts to Royal Woods Gazette, Rita is typing when she hallucinates a red letter coming out of her computer.
Letter: YOU RUINED MY LIFE!
Rita Loud: *hallucinates more letters bursting out of my computer, much to my horror*
Lisa is giving another lecture.
Lisa Loud: Greetings, ladies and gentlemen. For today's presentation, I have prepared-
Suddenly she starts hallucinating the scientist who had mocked Todd over all the attendees.
Scientist: Oh, no. Not that idiot dancing robot.
Scientists: Idiot dancing robot. Idiot dancing robot. Idiot dancing robot! Idiot dancing robot!
Lisa is completely shocked at this turn of events and goes catatonic.
Todd from The Loud House: *peeks out from the curtains and grabs her and drags her away*
Slide transition cuts at night at the Loud House, Lincoln is watching TV with a bowl of popcorn when...
Rita Loud: LINCOLN!!!
Luna Loud: BRO!
Mr. Krabs: Oh, he is in for it!
Squidward, Mr. Krabs, Lady Upturn, Fifi, Purple Doctorfish, Female nurse from SpongeBob SquarePants, Sparklenose, Luna, Luan, Lola, Lisa, Rita, Lynn Sr. and Todd who had just gotten criticized burst through the door.
Squidward Tentacles: There he is! He’s acting like SpongeBob!
Lady Upturn: GET HIM!
Lincoln Loud: *screams*
As he attempts to flee, but the couch tips over. Squidward, Mr. Krabs, Lady Upturn, Fifi, Purple Doctorfish, Female nurse from SpongeBob SquarePants, Sparklenose, Luna, Luan, Lola, Lisa, Rita, Lynn Sr. and Todd angrily surround him.
Luna Loud: Why did you have to tell us about our haters, dude?!
Lisa Loud: Now we're all freezing up!
Sparklenose: Yeah!
Lincoln Loud: Look, I'm sorry I told you guys about your critics. I was just trying to help SpongeBob but you're calling me a SpongeBob imitater.
Suddenly Lynn punches a hole in the door.
Lynn Loud Jr.: *irates* STINKIN'! *slams the door open*
While she's growling.
Lincoln Loud: *nervous* I hope that's a happy "Stinkin'".
Lynn Loud Jr.: Your dumb "cure" didn't cure me! Scoots heckled me some more and now I've got emu legs again! Wasn't even at a game. It was at the mall food court!
Lincoln Loud: Lynn, why are you paying attention to Scoots? Why are any of you paying attention to those people? It doesn't matter what they say.
Mr. Coconuts: It's easy for you to say! You don't have to deal with it!
Lola Loud: You just go around ruining lives!
Squidward Tentacles, Mr. Krabs, Lady Upturn, Fifi, Purple Doctorfish, Female nurse from SpongeBob SquarePants, Sparklenose, Luna, Luan, Lynn Jr., Lola, Lisa, Rita, Lynn Loud Sr. and Todd: *leaves*
Lynn Loud Sr.: What a laughing SpongeBob imitater!
Female nurse from SpongeBob SquarePants: SpongeBob imitater!
Lincoln Loud: *sighs, then gets an idea* Wait.
Slide transition cuts to next day, Squidward, Mr. Krabs, Lady Upturn, Fifi, Purple Doctorfish, Female nurse from SpongeBob SquarePants, Sparklenose, Luna, Luan, Lynn Jr., Lola, Lisa, Rita, Lynn Sr. and Todd are sitting on couch when Lincoln sets up the camera.
Lincoln Loud: Thanks for coming, everyone. I hope what I'm about to show you will help.
Lynn Loud Jr.: *annoyed* It's better. I feel like my emu condition is getting worse. *starts squawking and pecks Lisa*
Lisa Loud: *also annoyed* If you start molting, I'm out.
Purple Doctorfish: Let it go, Lisa. I’ll take care of it.
Lincoln Loud: As you're about to see, you're not the only ones with a critic.
Just then Mr. Grouse opens the door.
Mr. Krabs: Mr. Grouse! Thanks for coming in!
Mr. Grouse: Hey, Loud!
Lynn Loud Sr.: *puts my fingers in my ears* Ah, I can't hear you, Grouse!
Mr. Grouse: I was just going to tell you-
Lynn Loud Sr.: I'm blocking out the haters. *starts singing* La la la la-
Mr. Grouse: You forgot to put on the parking brake again.
Lynn Sr.'s eyes widen in horror. Outside, Vanzilla starts rolling backwards.
Loud Kids: Dad, Vanzilla!
Lynn Loud Sr.: *chases after my van and screams* BABY, PLEASE COME BACK! I'M SO SORRY!!!
Slide transition cuts to Lincoln walking in an alleyway.
Lincoln Loud: Oh, I'm tired of all this. I feel more like I want to-- *sees a movie theater in the distance* Oh, "Weep"? "The saddest movie ever"? That's it! Maybe a movie can stop imitating SpongeBob. *walks off*
Cut to the movie, which is in black and white.
Urchin Man: *sobs*
While he's holding onto a woman.
Squid Woman: *sobs*
Man: *cries over a dropped ice cream cone*
The screen zooms out from the screen to reveal SpongeBob and a few other audience members.
Lincoln Loud: *laughs like SpongeBob*
As he gets shushed by the audience members.
Lincoln Loud: I'm sorry. *sticks the popcorn bowl in my mouth, then laughs like SpongeBob again* I can't hold it! *takes off the seat cushion and stuffs it in my mouth, which inflates, then begins laughing like SpongeBob again and slaps the seat*
As people begin to leave.
Albert Loud: *laughs offscreen*
Lincoln Loud: Huh? *sees Albert laughing, then approaches him* Pop-Pop? You can't stop laughing either?
Albert Loud: Of course not, Lincoln. My funny bone got stuck years ago when I was your age.
Lincoln Loud: Your funny bone?
Albert Loud: That's right. It happens to everyone in our family. Be proud of that SpongeBob laugh, Lincoln. To be a SquarePants is to laugh loud at life. *pats a seat* Enjoy a good laugh with me.
Lincoln Loud: *sits down with Albert* Oh, thanks, Pop-Pop.
Albert: These tearjerker movies always crack me up.
Lincoln and Albert Loud: *laughs*
SpongeBob SquarePants and Leni Loud: *laughs*
SpongeBob SquarePants: This is the saddest movie ever!
Leni Loud: I know, right?!
Patrick Star: *sobs and tips popcorn bag* I'm all out of popcorn. Now it's a tragedy. *sobs and blows nose with bag*
As the camera irises out on it. Screen cuts in black and it says "THE END". Episode ends.
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