The Golf Pecks Show

The Golf Pecks Show is the third episode of the first season of The Whatever Show.
==Transcript==
(Golfpecks opens the door to his banana shaped house)
Golf: Hi! I'm Golfpecks256! And I live with my associates!
(Dan is seen swooning at a picture of Lola Bunny)
Golf: This is Dan!
(Golf walks into the kitchen where a humanoid cactus is making eggs)
Golf: This is Vanessa!
(Vanessa flips two eggs into Golf’s eyes)
Golf: Ouch. 
(Golf walks over to the hallway where a banana is putting on lipstick)
Golf: This is my sister!
Golf’s sister: GET OUT!
Golf: She’s shy.
(Golf goes over to a bedroom where Joe Biden is sniffing wigs on mannequins)
Golf: This is my grandpa!
(Golf runs into his room, which is just a tiny cubicle)
Golf: This is my room! And this… (screaming is heard outside) This is my show!
(The logo for The Golf Pecks Show shows on-screen)
Golf: LOGOS ARE THE ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE! (he punches the logo and breaks it in half)
Joe Biden: Someone is angry today.
Golf: Emotions are unproductive. I never have emotions as they take from the wonderful world of productivity.
Joe Biden: You're an odd one, Golf Pecks, even for someone like me who sniffs hair follicles.
Golf: FALSE! I am perfectly normal, and everyone should follow my standards!
Joe Biden: Sir you literally only get four hours of sleep a night.
Golf: I know. SLEEP IS THE ENEMY OF PRODUCTIVITY!
(Golf’s sister comes in grumpy)
Golf’s sister: For god's sake Golf, some of us are trying to SLEEP!!
Golf: But it's seven in the morning, plenty of reason to be fully productive at this time.
Golf’s sister: I swear, you and your productivity schtick. All of your associates are just yes men.
Golf: No they're not. (Points to his leg) See this bruise? I got it from donating a thousand of Dan’s hard earned minimum wage money towards PETA. THIS IS UNFAIR!
Golf’s sister: You’re insane, you know that?
Golf: FALSE AGAIN! You are always wrong, inferior sister. And now it's time for my daily fruit fuck. Today's fruit is… oh who am I kidding it's always a strawberry.
(Golf pulls down a curtain to reveal a sexual looking strawberry)
Strawberry: Not this shit again…
Kiwi: You’re telling me.
Strawberry: Wait I thought he didn't fuck with strawberries.
Kiwi: You do NOT want to know what happens when he's drunk.
Golf: ALCOHOL IS THE ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE! (drinks some Bud Light)
Strawberry: Yikes.
Golf: On second thought, I'm gonna do the kiwi instead.
Kiwi: NOOOOOO-
(One hour later…)
Golf: Ah, that was soothing. Now what other productive things must I do today? Oh, right. Complain about the BEST BASKETBALL TEAM IN THE WORLD, THE NEW ENGLAND SEAGULLS!
Dan: Get off your fruity ass high horse, Golf. You're already losing 4-1.
Golf: NOPE. FALSE! SLANDER! I'm reporting you to DisCord.
Dan: We're not even talking on Discord, you fucking slimy ass banana.
Golf: Enough with the insults, Stalin’s boar. I have productivity to do.
Dan: Oh yeah? Like what?
Golf: Like being lethal beyond the arc.
Dan: Oh please, you couldn't even open the pickle jar yesterday morning.
Golf: YES I CAN! WATCH!
(Golf tries to open a pickle jar, but fails miserably)
Dan: Weak ass bastard.
Golf: STUPID TROLL! YOU MAKE ME LOOK BAD! REPORTED.
Dan: Reported to who exactly? This isn't the internet anymore, Golf, you can't get anyone globalled.
Golf: I… Uhh… SHOW’S CANCELLED!
(On-screen curtains fall over the screen and some ending music plays)
Golf: (peeking out from curtain) MUSIC IS THE ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE!
(Golf hides back in the curtains, and Vanessa pops out)
Vanessa: Remember kids: no one wants to be a Golfpecks.
Golf: FALSE! FALSE! EVERYONE WANTS TO BE A GOLFPECKS! JOE BIDEN MAKES ME HARD AND-
(Vanessa puts duct tape on his mouth as the episode ends)
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