Behold! The Son of Sandy! (transcript)

Behold! The Son of Sandy!
Written by Ponyo Fan, Team Seedrian Games 2.0, JellyfishJam38 (insert your name here if planning to edit, but keep this after your name!)
*(Open up to a building in Swiss City with tons of glowing lights. Everyone is partying and having a good time. SpongeBob has a lampshade on his head.)
*SpongeBob: Why, hellooooo, peopleeees!
*Sandy: Umm...
*Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob! Why are you acting so crazy?
*SpongeBob: I dunno, Pat...Patrick...I think the punch might've...had a little kick to it...yeah.
*Sandy: Um, SpongeBob, that was wine.
*SpongeBob: I had...six...glasses...(passes out on floor)
*Patrick: That was weird.
*Sandy: Come on, let's go do something.
*(Sandy grabs Patrick's hand and carries him off to a bedroom, giggling.)
*Patrick: Where are you taking m---say, what are we doing in here?
*Sandy: I just thought we needed some...alone time...(winks)
*Patrick: Oh, you don't mean...
*Sandy: Oh, I mean...
*Patrick: Sandy...I don't know if I'm ready.
*Sandy: (frowns) But I - I thought you loved me.
*Patrick: Sandy, it's not like that! I do love you! The thing is...it's my first time.
*Sandy: Well, it's mine too, but we should have it together, here, where we're in complete silence.
*Patrick: That reminds me, how come we can't hear the par ---
*Sandy: Soundproof doors, $25.
*Patrick: Ohh...
*Sandy: Now, come on.
*Patrick: Wait...how are we going to do this if you're wearing an air helmet?
*Sandy: Just get yourself a big gulp of water, swallow, and come in here.
*Patrick: Okay. (He does so.)
*(Patrick breathes into Sandy's air helmet, kissing her lips. They fall back together on the bed, but Patrick gets out the air helmet and takes another breath of water.)
*Patrick: Sorry...just needed to breathe.
*Sandy: It's fine, really.
*(Sandy begins to take her suit off while Patrick kisses her softly inside the air helmet. Cut to SpongeBob on the dance floor, awakening.)
*SpongeBob: Ohh...my head. (He begins to walk off, heading towards the bedroom. He hears giggling and listens in.) Oh man, oh man. They're doing....things... (shudders and moans, but continues to listen)
*(Frugrum walks by.)
*SpongeBob: Psst! Frugrum!
*Frugrum: What is it?
*SpongeBob: Come over here and listen into this door.
*Frugrum: Alright, I don't hear anything. Wait...I hear something...it sounds like Patrick...and Sandy...and they're...doing something...oh, Neptune, no! Are they doing what I think they're doing?
*SpongeBob: If the answer is "reproducing", then yes.
*(Frugrum goes off screen and vomits.)
*SpongeBob: What's the matter? Shouldn't you be happy for them?
*Frugrum: I am...it's just the other guys assigned me to sleep on that bed!
*SpongeBob: Ew.
(Cut back to Patrick and Sandy, on top of each other. Sandy is in her bra while Patrick is hard to tell if naked or not. They're panting and sweating.)
*Sandy: That...was...amazing.
*Frugrum: She's so easily charmed.
*Patrick: Get out of our room! We're having private time! (They go under the covers)
*(Cut to the next day. Sandy and Patrick are near a monster and they are both wearing armor. Sandy stabs the monster, but then we hear a cracking sound. Sandy gulps)
*Patrick: What?
*Sandy: My armor broke! (We see that her armor has broken around the belly, which is bulging out)
*Patrick: Boy, if I knew squirrels got pregnant this easily...
*(They run from the monster, the blade still embedded in its back. It collapses in a pile of purple blood)
*(SpongeBob looks at his phone. A text from Sandy. "I'm pregnant. Uh-oh. xxxxx".)
*SpongeBob: SANDY'S PREGNANT! (looks around) Shit, everyone knows now. I'M COMING TO RESCUE YOU, SANDY!
*Unnamed Bartender Fish: One more beer?
*SpongeBob: Okay. I'll do it. (drinks beer) Ohhh... (collapses)
*(SpongeBob wakes up and looks at the phone again. Another text. "Baby's due in six weeks.")
*SpongeBob: Everytime I go to a party, something crazy, sexy or bad happens. And this is a mix of all three of them. I've gotta get to Sandy.
*SpongeBob's Brain: Do you always need an insight on someone's love life? Remember that one time when you were a kid where you tried to...
*SpongeBob: Don't freaking get me started on that!
*SpongeBob's Brain: Sorry. I remember you get upset about your childhood.
*(Poof!)
*Patrick: SpongeBob! SpongeBob! Did you hear I'm gonna be a fath ---
*SpongeBob: Sandy just texted me.
*Patrick: Well, did she tell you it's going to be in six ---
*SpongeBob: Six weeks, yeah. Wait, I've got an idea! Let's throw you a bachelor party!
*Patrick: A bach --- el, or party? What's a bach --- el --- or party?
*SpongeBob: Y'know --- something bachelors have.
*Patrick: Isn't that for people who're getting married?
*SpongeBob: You're getting married, right?
*Patrick: How would I do that?
*SpongeBob: Sigh. This is gonna take a while. Think back to high school, when you first met Sandy.
*Patrick: High school...high school...four years you think for sure, that's all you've got to endure...
*SpongeBob: Close enough. Now, let's get those marriage plans started.
Category:Transcripts
Category:Warriors of Bikini Bottom
Category:Ponyo Fan
Category:2012
Category:2010s