The Funny Adventures Of SpongeBob Rehydrated: Help Wanted/Transcript

Note 1: Line in maroon is cut from the 2019 version.
Note 2: Line in green is only in the 2019 version.
[The episode opens with a bubble transition, and we see a coral reef under the sea. The camera zooms to initiate parallax scrolling, which reveals the city of Bikini Bottom. It continues zooming to show a brown rock, a Moai head, and a pineapple, which each contain inhabitants.]
French Narrator: Ah, the sea... so fascinating. So wonderful. Here, we see Bikini Bottom, teeming with life. [shows from left to right Patrick's, Squidward's, and SpongeBob's houses. Zooms in on SpongeBob's house.] Home to one of my favorite creatures, SpongeBob SquarePants. Yes, of course he lives in a pineapple, you silly.
[Scene cuts to the house's bedroom. A sea snail is seen sleeping near a pile of newspapers on the floor, a scallop is seen in a birdcage, and a young, optimistic yellow sea sponge is seen sleeping in his bed, snoring as his foghorn alarm clock ticks. SpongeBob's alarm then sounds. He wakes, but is unaffected by the annoying sound, and with a smile on his face, turns it off. He climbs from his bed to a ladder, leading to his diving board.]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Today's the big day, Gary!
Gary the Snail: Meow.
SpongeBob: [jumps on the diving board] Look at me, I'm... [jumps up, and leaves his underwear behind] ..naked! [lands inside his pants, then runs toward the exercise room. His head pops out of the top of his pants.] Gotta be in top physical condition for today, Gary.
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: [taking deep breaths, he prepares to lift a barbell that is balanced by two lightweight stuffed animals. He sticks out his chest, but almost passes out because he can barely lift it. He drops it, and it makes a "squeak" noise] I'm ready! [runs outside] I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready! [as he speaks, a dimwitted sea star's rock tilts upwards with a chubby pink starfish stuck to its underside.]
Patrick Star: Go, SpongeBob! [falls] Whoa! [crash sound effect]
in maroon
[Bubble transition to the Krusty Krab]
SpongeBob: There it is. The finest eating establishment ever established for eating: The Krusty Krab, home of the Krabby Patty... with a Help Wanted sign in the window. For years I've been dreaming of this moment. I'm gonna go in there, march straight to the manager, look 'em straight in the eye [breaks the fourth wall and looks the audience in the eye], lay it on the line and... I can't do this! [starts to run home, but Patrick stops him.] Hey, Patrick-
Patrick: Where do you think you're going?
SpongeBob: I was just...
Patrick: No, you're not. You're going to the Krusty Krab and get! That! Job!
SpongeBob: I can't, don't you see? I'm not good enough.
Patrick: Whose first words were "May I take your order?"?
SpongeBob: Mine were.
Patrick: Who made a spatula out of toothpicks in wood shop?
SpongeBob: I did.
Patrick: [grimaces and contorts twice while trying to come up with a good third line] Who's a, uh, who's uh, oh! And who's a big yellow cube with holes?
SpongeBob: I am!
Patrick: Who's ready?
SpongeBob: I'm ready!
Patrick: Who's ready?
SpongeBob: I'm ready!
Patrick: Who's ready?!
SpongeBob: I'm ready! [runs toward the Krusty Krab.] I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready!
[A turquoise octopus is seen cleaning graffiti on the restaurant's windows. That octopus is spraying stain remover and attempting to wipe off the graffiti.]
Squidward J. Q. Tentacles : [cleaning graffiti of himself with the word "loser," sees SpongeBob, and sighs] Oh no, SpongeBob. What could he possibly want?
SpongeBob: [in background, at first while Squidward was talking] I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! Go, SpongeBob! Go, SpongeBob! Go, SpongeBob! Go, self!
[Squidward looks at the Help Wanted sign, screams, and runs inside to warn Mr. Krabs]
Squidward: [While SpongeBob says, "I'm ready," one more time in the background] Mr. Krabs! [cuts to the ordering window, where a greedy crab is seen happily sniffing a handful of money. Squidward runs up to him.] Hurry, Mr. Krabs, before it's too late, I gotta tell you- [interrupted by SpongeBob]
SpongeBob: Permission to come aboard, captain! [deep voice] I've been training my whole life for the day I could join the Krusty Krew [normal voice] and now I'm ready!
[SpongeBob trips on a nail stuck in the floorboard. He bounces back and forth on the ground, and shouts and blurts incomprehensibly upon each hit. The restaurant manager, a red crab and Squidward look at each other. His fall causes him to bounce against the ceiling. SpongeBob yet again shouts and blurts incomprehensibly while his bounces and ricochets around the building accelerate. He then rolls to a stop at the feet of Squidward and Mr. Krabs.]
SpongeBob: So, uh, when do I start?
Eugene Harold Krabs: Well, lad, it looks like you don't even have your sea legs.
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, please! I'll prove I'm fry cook material! Ask Squidward, he'll vouch for me.
[Mr. Krabs and Squidward quickly walk away from SpongeBob. Squidward looks at Mr. Krabs.]
Squidward: [deep breath] No.
[Mr. Krabs winks. Squidward and Mr. Krabs head back to SpongeBob, who looks completely puzzled at what he's hearing]
Mr. Krabs: Well, lad, we'll give you a test, and if you pass, you'll be on the Krusty Krew. Go out and fetch me... a... [SpongeBob takes out a notepad] uh, hydrodynamic spatula... [SpongeBob quickly jots down what he says] with, um, port-and-starboard-attachments, [more scribbling] and, uh... turbo drive. [more scribbling] And don't come back ‘til you get one. [puts a Krusty Krab crew hat on SpongeBob's head.]
[SpongeBob sees how he looks in a mirror, there are sparkles on his hat, and he has a huge, satisfied smile]
SpongeBob: [saluting Krabs] Aye aye, captain! [reading] One hydrodynamic spatula, with port-and-starboard attachments, turbo drive, coming right up, sir! [salutes again]
Mr. Krabs: Carry on! [SpongeBob leaves] We'll never see that lubber again.
Squidward: [smiling] You're terrible. A hydro-what?
[Squidward and Mr. Krabs laugh. While Squidward laughs, his nose moves distinctly while he inhales and exhales. Mr. Krabs' laugh sounds like a pirate. As they laugh, SpongeBob is shown leaving the Krusty Krab. As SpongeBob fades out of sight, five buses drive toward the Krusty Krab from the opposite direction.]
Bus driver: Hey! Hey! Please! Passengers are to stay seated and not put their fins out the window!
[The five buses surround the Krusty Krab and the bus doors open. Mr. Krabs stops laughing. Squidward also stops laughing but embarrassingly smiles at Mr. Krabs' attentive gesture.]
Mr. Krabs: [gasps] That sounded like hatch doors! [sniffs repeatedly] Do you smell it? That smell... A kind of smelly smell... A smelly smell that smells... smelly... [his eyes widen in shock, whispering] Anchovies.
Squidward: What?
Mr. Krabs: [loudly] Anchovies!
[The anchovies get out of the buses and rush inside the Krusty Krab, crowding, repeating the word "eat" over and over again]
Squidward: Please, please, quiet! [the anchovies stop talking] Is this any way to behave, hmm?
Anchovy: Eat.
Squidward: Could we show a little decency and form a neat, single file line in front of the register?
[The anchovies stare for a moment, then pick up the boat, as their cries of "eat!" become more intense. Cut to Barg'N-Mart as SpongeBob enters.]
SpongeBob: [singing to himself] ♪ Barg'N-Mart, meeting all of your spatula needs. ♪
[Cuts back to the Krusty Krab. Squidward and Mr. Krabs are still in the boat register, and being tossed around like a ship in a storm.]
Mr. Krabs: All hands on deck! Get your anchors out of your pants!
Squidward: One single file line is all I ask!
Mr. Krabs: Whoa! [he and Squidward are thrown up in the air] Batten down the hatches, Mr. Squidward! [they get thrown back up again; the boat is in splinters] We're takin' on water, Mr. Squidward! [they get thrown back up again, with Krabs clutching Squidward] I want my mommy, Mr. Squidward! [cuts to Barg'N-Mart]
SpongeBob: [singing] ♪ Do do do do do do, spatula, spatula, port-and-starboard attachments. ♪
[Cuts back to the Krusty Krab. Squidward and Mr. Krabs are sent towards a pole by a wave of anchovies.]
Squidward: Help!
Mr. Krabs: Man overboard! Climb, Mr. Squidward! Climb! [They climb the mast, while the anchovy flood rises. The anchovies then form a big wave twice.]
Anchovies: Eat! Eat!
Mr. Krabs: This is the end! [shaking hands with Squidward] Goodbye, Mr. Squidward!
Squidward: Oh, Mr. Krabs!
[Mr. Krabs and Squidward cry, then SpongeBob comes in with red lights flashing and flying with the spatula, singing a heroic tune]
SpongeBob: Permission to come aboard captain! Da da da da da da da! Da da da da da da da da da da! Did someone order a spatula?
Squidward and Mr. Krabs: [stuttering in shock at SpongeBob getting the hydrodynamic spatula]
SpongeBob: That's right! One hydrodynamic spatula with [two spatulas pop out on the sides of the previous one] port-and-starboard attachments! And let's not forget the turbo drive! [the two extending spatulas twirl around and smack Squidward and Mr. Krabs in the face] Would you believe they only had one in stock? To the kitchen! [to the anchovies] Who's hungry?!
[Tiny Tim's "Living in the Sunlight, Loving in the Moonlight" plays while SpongeBob flies through the kitchen window. A montage of SpongeBob making and serving Krabby Patties plays. SpongeBob crashes into a box of patties and shoots them with his eyes toward the grill.]
Tiny Tim: ♪ Things that bother you never bother me, I feel happy and fine, aha! Living in the sunlight, loving in the moonlight, having a wonderful time! ♪
[SpongeBob gleefully flies to the vegetable preparation desks, holding the spatula with his mouth. SpongeBob is chopping onions, lettuce and tomato with a spatula.]
Tiny Tim: ♪ Haven't got a lot, I don't need a lot, coffee's only a dime. Living in the sunlight, loving in the moonlight, having a wonderful time. ♪
[SpongeBob walks around a set of ingredients. SpongeBob steps on the pump of mustard, ketchup and mayonnaise on buns.]
Tiny Tim: ♪ Just take it from me, I'm just as free as any daughter. ♪
[SpongeBob dances around in a background with different colors, with the yellow background hiding his limbs]
Tiny Tim: ♪ I do what I like, just what I like and how I love it! ♪
[SpongeBob becomes a number "1" followed by ascending numbers up to "4." He squeezes a bottle of ketchup and mustard on Krabby Patty to form a smiley face. He adds a patty and the rest of the toppings on top of the lower bun to form a Krabby Patty. SpongeBob serves the Krabby Patty. Some of the anchovies noticed, and one of them caught a Krabby Patty. All of the anchovies look toward the window to anticipate more Krabby Patties. SpongeBob then serves up Krabby Patty after Krabby Patty. He repeats chopping vegetables and serving yet more Krabby Patties. Numerous Krabby Patties are launched through the order window to the hungry anchovies.]
Tiny Tim: ♪ I'm right here to stay when I'm old and gray, I'll be right in my prime. Living in the sunlight, loving in the moonlight, having a wonderful time! ♪ [hums]
[More and more anchovies start eating the Krabby Patties tossed at them. Eventually, all of the anchovies are served and they leave on the buses happy. The bus doors close. Lastly, SpongeBob tosses the final Krabby Patty to the last anchovy. SpongeBob blows the spatula. Cuts to the main room of the Krusty Krab, where Mr. Krabs congratulates SpongeBob.]
Mr. Krabs: That was the finest fast-foodsmanship I've ever seen, Mr. SquarePants. Welcome aboard. [gives SpongeBob a name tag]
Squidward: B-but, but, Mr. Krabs...
Mr. Krabs: Three cheers for SpongeBob! Hip-hip!
Squidward: [weakly] Hooray, Mr.—
Mr. Krabs: Hip-hip!
Squidward: [quickly] Hooray.
Mr. Krabs: Hip-hip!
Squidward: [quickly] Hooray. Mr. Krabs—
Mr. Krabs: I'll be in my quarters, counting up the booty. [wheels a wheelbarrow piled with an enormous stack of cash to his office. As he walks towards his office, Patrick enters]
Patrick: Good morning, Krusty Krew!
Squidward: What would you like to order, Patrick?
Patrick: One Krabby Patty, please.
[The instrumental to "Living in the Sunlight, Loving in the Moonlight" starts playing. SpongeBob flies back to the kitchen, using his spatula]
Squidward: What?
[A score of Krabby Patties is immediately fired through the servery, which Squidward dodges, colliding into Patrick and sending him flying out of the Krusty Krab. Cuts to Krusty Krab exterior; crashing noises.]
Patrick: [screams]
Squidward: Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs! [sarcastically singing] Mr. Krabs, come see your new employee!
Tiny Tim: [at the same time as Squidward] ♪ I'm right here to stay when I'm old and gray, I'll be right in my prime. Living in the sunlight, loving in the moonlight, having a wonderful time! ♪
[The final instrumental of Tiny Tim's "Livin' in the Sunlight" plays (xylophone solo, followed by a timpani beat and a final note), and the further sounds of shooting Krabby Patties and smashed glass play at the same time, ending the first episode]
Category:The Funny Adventures Of SpongeBob Rehydrated
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