Free At Last

++ Medical Facilities <BOT HQ> ++
Pristine and clean, the medical facilites in Autobot headquarters are state
of the art. There are multiple CR chambers, surgical berths, recovery bays 
and even quarantine and stasis chambers for special cases. Nurturing       
facilities are in the far back, a separate room for caring for emergency   
spark discoveries. Milling equipment, tools and spare parts are in a       
separate room off to the right of the entrance, and offices for doctors to 
meet with patients and keep records are off to the left.                   
Feint is busy milling new armor and components, hard at work, and apparently just fine. Zeta did not, in fact kill her.
Oh, Blurr wasn't expecting Zeta to kill her right now. She's clever enough. But he doesn't think she can pull this off forever or for any appreciable amount of time without either gettting herself killed, or someone else. He comes searching for her in the repair bay, where he suspects he'll find her working.
This time though, he doesn't just stand there and stare sadly. In fact, he strides right up to her. "Feint," he says deliberately. "We need to talk."
Feint sets aside the long piece of aircraft wing, stopping the machine to turn and look at Blurr. "All right," she agrees pleasantly. "Say what's on your mind dear. I'm listening."
Blurr lets out a long, drawn-out sigh, and sits down on the edge of a nearby empty circuit slab. How should he begin? "Look, a lot has changed over the past 200 vorns. You know that as well as I do, I mean especially since we were separated for all that time. Neither of us are the same people we were when we first met. You've come a long way, and I..." he pauses, trailing off momentarily as he glances nervously about the room.
"And you have a different outlook on life, the war, and your service to the Prime," Feint concludes, taking a guess at what Blurr was going to say. She intentionally phrases it away from asserting negativity about him. She slips softly, casually into counsellor mode, focusing on what is going on with Blurr, ignoring her own feelings and uneasiness. She can sift through that later when she has time.
Blurr nods. "Different from -yours-." He pauses. So far, so good. Now for the hard part. "Feint, I can't stop you from doing what you're trying to do. But I also can't just sit there and condone it. Y-you're...you're just going to get yourself and whoever you drag with you killed or worse. You're just making matters even worse for yourself, not better. A-and...and if you're going to do this--I-I can't be with you. It's the only way to avoid a situation where...where..." he trails off again, not really sure how to describe what he's thinking. He doesn't want to betray her to Zeta, but he also doesn't want to be guilty of treason because that just makes things worse than they already are.
Finally he sighs again. "I just need time, all right? Time to--figure out what I need to do."
There's so much Feint could say in response to all that. She could lay out in front of him how much she has suffered because of him, how her hands are bloodstained in trying to preserve his life and his free will; how she constantly risked being arrested, killed or worse - all to free him from the abuse of those that created and controlled him. She could remind him of all the things he'd done without a single thought to the consequences it might bring on them both, or to how it violated her morals in nearly every situation.
Oh, she could easily turn his words back on him and shatter his reasoning into a million shards of broken glass.
But she won't.
No matter his flaws and his faults, she truly loves him. He won her heart long ago, even if now, perhaps thanks to the machinations of Axle and Cipher, he will never remember it.
Feint will do what that depth of undying, self-sacrificing love she has demands of her, and let him take his first stammering steps into maturity and reason. If you truly love something, you must set it free. She will not lash out in pain and hurt, not accuse, not tear down. She will patiently bear it, so that Blurr can become the best Blurr he can be, with or without her. He may not yet understand what an endura is - but she does.
Feint walks over to Blurr, and if he does not push her aside, will rest her visor against the top of his head, as if to kiss his forehead. "I understand, Blurr. I will always love you, no matter what path you choose, no matter what side you take. I'm sorry, but I cannot violate my conscience any more. I can't travel down your path."
"You're free."
Blurr stares at her, looking relieved. He'd been so afraid that...that she'd go berserk or something. And do that, argue with him and shatter all his childish reasoning and make him feel like a worthless person. But perhaps that's what drew him to her in the first place and kept them together all this time, despite everything. Her devotion, and her...patience with him in spite of how flat-out irritating he could be.
He wraps an arm around her waist as she rests her head on his. "Maybe one day, things will be different. Better." he says softly. "I'm not giving up on you...I want you to know that."
"But please...don't die. Okay?"
"After everything I've survived so far, do you think I'm just going to roll over and die like that?" Feint asks with a note of amusement. "I'll survive. If there's one thing I am truly good at, it's that."
"Don't get overconfident, now. It'll be your downfall if you do, I swear." Blurr teasingly, though he is halfway serious too. "You know what they say."
"And when did that ever stop you?" Feint asks with a smile displayed on her visor. "Just remember this, dear spark: Every soldier has an obligation to refuse immoral orders. That's in the handbook. Never forget it."
Blurr chuckles. "Uh...I don't remember a specific -time-, but. You know what I meant!"
Feint gently sighs. "There's a lot you don't remember, to my everlasting shame and regret." She stands up, lingering just a little, caressing the side of his face, before turning to move back to her work. "Perhaps is those things that Axle and Cipher stole from you that planted the seeds of our division. For now, though, I have to get back to work. Facile as this body is, it was intended to keep me hobbled to the Decepticons that imprisoned me. I can't afford to be hobbled any longer."
Blurr nods fervently. "I kept telling you, you needed to get a better body." He pauses, watching her work for a little while. Then he tilts his head to the side slightly. "Like what don't I remember?" he asks.
"Cipher sealed away and corrupted some of your memories. So did Axel. Axel was on the verge of erasing me from your memory when I interviened," Feint explains. "You had a set of foreign code in your mind that was forcing you to black out and perform whatever your handler wanted you to do without question. That's what I fought and struggled and studied so hard to undo, Blurr. I wanted you to have the same kind of freedom that you gave me, when you stole me away from Solvent."
"That's why, when I heard you were still involved in the IAA, I got scared. They've been using you all this time. I felt like everything I risked and did was for nothing."
"It's not that I don't remember it, Feint." Blurr replies flatly. "I remember it all. Cipher and Axle had their own dreams. None of it was out of malicious intent. It's like I told you. The IAA isn't an evil organization. They are essentially what the name implies. But all of us have slag in our past, and even in our present, and probably even in our future too. Some people will do some crazy slag just to achieve their goals...even you."
Feint's good will is beginning to evaporate at Blurr's continued pressing of his agenda. "And you are the primary beneficiary of that crazy slag I did. Please do not make me regret it. We've said our peace. I think it's time you left."
"I know." Blurr says softly. "I'm just saying. Everyone has things they're running after. They may be different things, and you might not agree with something someone else is running after."
He sighs then and turns to leave. "You just don't understand...it's not easy for me to simply pull away from them. Y-you don't know what it's like--" he shakes his head. "Never mind." Then he's gone.