121470-an-explanation-and-apology-of-sorts

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So, many of you know who Tahlie is, and hate me for whatever reason you hate me. Whether it's my strange builds, that fact that I don't run all the utility I possibly can while maintaining decent DPS (helping the group more than myself), the fact that I think the game is rather easy (classes, raids and all), or whether I'm just an annoying *cupcake* who talks too much. I know it won't do anything but make people think even less of me, but I thought I'd explain why I might act in some way that you don't like.
 
This link will help you understand a bit better, it's an old post of mine from like, launch month.
 
Anyway, as you may have seen in that post of mine, I grew up being constantly rejected by, well, everyone. Even my family largely shuns me. So, as you could imagine, I didn't really develop all those social skills that people learn at a young age, since I was largely alone growing up (and I still am). I tend to be a bit blunt, I don't talk in a very civil manner, and I just say what's on my mind, rather than filter things before I speak. Now if only that was the one issue that causes people to dislike me in-game.
 
It's kind of hard to explain, but since I grew up being turned away at every step, I kind of assume I'll be hated and reviled by everyone I come across, and subconcsciously push people away, keeping them at a distance that won't hurt me anymore than I already am, should they act like I expect them to. So, with all my weird builds and things that I somehow make work and do decent damage or healing with, maybe I'm just trying to find a way for people to accept me for who I am, rather than just blending into the crowd and being ignored like I always was growing up. Though that's not the only reason I use those weird builds.
 
I never did like "action" games, or limited action bars, or the LAS concept in general... I grew up with video games that required thought and controlled actions, rather than just spamming everything as quickly as you can and repeating into infinity. Zelda, Mario, Pokemon, Metroid, etc. I also played WoW for around 10 years, and played the more complex classes, because they were just fun for me. I've been playing video games since I was about two years old (even learned to read through Pokemon and watching my cousin do Phonics cards), and by the time I got into MMO's, gaming was just second nature to me -- gaming was just hardwired into my brain. I was a Fistweaver, which most people considered impossible or just bad, and somehow made it work. I didn't do that to stand out or to make people like me, I just did that because it was challenging and fun. I call this game easy, but that's just for someone like me, who grew up inside video games. For me, sure, it's easy, but I don't mean to belittle anyone else. That's just me speaking my thoughts without really thinking about what other people might think.
 
The LAS also forces me to make a choice; I can make a build that's fun to play and effective, but somewhat self-centered, or I can make a build that's entirely boring and makes me burn out so fast you wouldn't believe, but helps the entire group do more damage. It's not hard to see what build I'd pick to go with. I've tried mixing the two together, but because of the whole LAS system, I just can't. In some fights, I'll neuter my build and try to be helpful, but the entirety of that fight I do with one hand most of the time, and prop my head up with the other, trying to focus and pay attention to the fight. Many people don't understand what it's like to have anxiety as severely as I do, but another reason I make these crazy, stupid builds is so that I have something to focus my mind on, so that my thoughts don't wander too far. Certain people might remember me having a panic attack mid-raid -- I wasn't kidding about that. The normal builds are very spammy, repetitive, easy rotations that don't require much thought, another curse of the whole action thing, and that's just about the worst thing I could do. When I don't have something that requires focus, my mind begins wandering, and of course I end up having thoughts that just send me into a panic attack, which can last anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours -- and when they do happen, I'm just physically and mentally exhausted.
 
So, I have legitimate reasons for using those weird builds that people hate so much, even if you don't believe them or think they're worth anything. I know my builds are selfish, and I know I don't contribute as much to the group as I can, but do you really need 15-20 interrupts for every boss in a dungeon run? At most, you're saving yourself one telegraph (if any at all, most of the times I don't even need to interrupt) and maybe 3-5 seconds on a fight, though people act like that's the end of the world. With things like Power Link and Empowering Probes, the majority of the group doesn't even get the buff, so there's not much difference anyway. Chances are, it'll end up hitting the lowest DPS, which doesn't affect the overall damage much at all -- and I've never seen a raid where my not having raid buffs caused it to wipe, anyway.
 
If you watch Thayd chat, or LFG, or anything like that, I do tend to argue (though I've been controlling myself lately, minus tonight -- I just got tired of everything and gave up) about silly things. But, you know, I don't ever start arguments (at least not intentionally). What happens a lot of the time is that people will start attacking something about me or what I do, and I defend myself. I try to show that I have some validity in my claims, despite feeling like I'm talking to a brick wall (and I'm sure it feels like talking to a brick wall to talk to me). I don't mean to argue, I'm not trying to prove I'm right, none of that. I just want people to leave me, and how I play, alone. I just try to show that the way I play has a reason that's sound, and that it shouldn't be immediately considered bad or wrong, just different.
 
So, that's why I act the way I do. ^^ I'm sorry I argue a lot -- I promise I don't mean to start arguments, and I don't want to just troll people (as many assume), I just want to be left to do my own thing without being harrassed by people consistently. So what if I use Collider on a Medic? It's fun for me, and I still play competitively -- so why bother commenting about it? I'm sorry I play with selfish builds that aren't really built for group play, but I grew up on games where you didn't have to sacrifice your enjoyment to help out the raid (another limitation of the LAS), but I wouldn't be able to play Wildstar if I had to use the builds most people do. I know you don't believe me, and I know it doesn't really matter to anyone but me, but video games were always my way to escape reality, my anxiety, everything, and to live a life I could only wish I could in reality. To have people just come in and say that I can't do that, it just kind of hurts me a bit, and I get all defensive about my builds, and start spouting off nonsense trying to show that I have a good reason for doing what I do. I'm sorry I snuck into peoples' raids after I changed all my character names, but I wanted to see the content, and I didn't really ruin anyone's raid night (except maybe Monday, when people knew who I was). I got to do the content, and I helped out as best I could. Some people were even beginning to enjoy having me in their raids, but immediately switched stances on that when they learned who I was.
 
Basically, I'm sorry for being me.
 
I'm done trying to raid. Obviously, I'm not meant to. The community in this game disallows me for a reason, and I won't deny it: I'm just not a team player. I play for myself, and not the group.
 
So, I guess I'll just go back to rolling alts and leveling them, getting pre-raid gear, and then just doing it over again. If you see me in a dungeon or something, just do your best to ignore me. Save us both the trouble, and just don't talk about my build, or who I am, or anything like that. Just treat me like you would any other random pug.
 
Sorry for being me.
 
And, the intent of this post is not to make people feel bad or sorry for me, rather it's just trying to help you understand why I might act a certain way or do certain things. Lot of people call me a troll, when I'm really not.	
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All I can say is, play the game how you want. Don't let others dictate how you're supposed to play the game.
I can fully understand your situation.
 
I often have discussions with people who min/max their build and want to get their last drop out of everything.
Fine, if that is your play style, then play like that. But do not expect other people to do the same. As long as you keep to your build, and I can keep mine, we're going to be friends.
The second you start making drama over how I play and enjoy my game, we're going to have a problem. And you don't want to have a problem.
 
So Sciela,
Do not give up hope. There are people and guilds out there raiding for the sake of raiding and having fun.
I know my guild is one of them. We do not force people into anything. We do inform them if we think they can perform better and talk with them about it, but by no means are we going to diss someone for it.
 
I'm sorry you have to experience this behaviour in this awesome game.
WildStar is amazing, and allows you to play the way you want.
It just seems a lot of raiders and people in general, just have forgotten what it means to play a game : to have fun.	
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Just read your post and can honestly say I can't see any reason why you have to be sorry.
 
You raid (and from what I can tell are pretty decent at it) 
 
You pay a sub and have the right to play (and enjoy) the game any way you want.	
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			What the hamster said, play how you want	
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You dont need to justify what you do or why you do it to any clown who tries to bring you down.
 
That is all. 
 
Onward Space Chimps.	
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You dont need to justify what you do or why you do it to any clown who tries to bring you down.
 
That is all. 
 
Onward Space Chimps.
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From my limited exposure to your forum posts (the most recent Stalker Dev thread comes to mind), it seems like you enjoy debating/arguing, and you often end up defending the less popular opinion in a debate, which pisses other people off because they perceive your opinion to be "wrong" and get annoyed that you insist on defending it.
 
Whether an opinion can be wrong is another matter entirely, but this is just what makes people dislike you imo.
 
Can't comment on what happens in your raids/zone chat as I'm not on NA.	
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{| class="blockquote"
From my limited exposure to your forum posts (the most recent Stalker Dev thread comes to mind), it seems like you enjoy debating/arguing, and you often end up defending the less popular opinion in a debate, which pisses other people off because they perceive your opinion to be "wrong" and get annoyed that you insist on defending it.
 
Whether an opinion can be wrong is another matter entirely, but this is just what makes people dislike you imo.
 
Can't comment on what happens in your raids/zone chat as I'm not on NA.
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/propogandaon I see your problem. You play on the Exiles side. :P /propogandaoff
 
It's been said a number of times: Play how you want. It would take a VERY weird build for anything tailored for yourself to actually impact the entire raid negatively, soooo... maybe I'm not seeing the issue? I honestly only mostly scanned all that. Reading multiple threads/forums at once. Dang server restart. ><	
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Honestly, I sometimes think min-maxing is a little overrated.  We once did a flat-out test in my old WoW guild where we checked DPS against a target dummy.  The DPS rankings on a dummy were very different from our raiding team's normal DPS ranks because there are so many intangibles.  How fast do you get back on DPS after you've dodged a mechanic?  Are you used for utility roles because you're simply better at it?  Do you not pay attention and can't keep up your rotation while you're distracted?  That was always more important.  The best DPS in our guild didn't have the best DPS, they were just the fastest and the best at maximizing their play.
 
I mean, you want to have enough damage, but what's more important is how you play with that build, not the build itself.  I've used Tremor on my DPS build since launch, even though most warriors would tell you it's a complete waste of space.  Numerically, it doesn't do more DPS than other combinations do.  I've found that, practically, anytime you're dodging telegraphs and are forced out of melee range, any DPS is better than no DPS.  Since I tend to play it a bit safe with regards to jumping back in on the back of a telegraph, Tremor gives me a bit more DPS.  I've always loved the ability, thought it was definitely worth the space on the bar and the two AMP points I needed.  However, nobody thought I had it on my bar until I used it.  I used to ask people who said Warrior builds lacked variety (for that was indeed an argument) that they should guess what was on my LAS.  Some people got close, but nobody ever guessed I had Tremor on my bar, considering I was a pretty effective DPS at the time.
 
So you just play the way you want to play.  If you want to skip out on some utility, there's usually someone who picks it up.  I know my tanking build uses Defense Grid and Power Link to help the group out, but that's a personal preference (I like the things we're fighting to die fast and for the melee to have some extra survivability).  Especially when you raid, you've got a lot more people who can take on those roles if they really want to.  It's all about playstyle.  If you can't find a raid, start one.  Start a guild and invite people in (I do recruitment).  Help them get attuned.  Run the raid your way and, if it's more fun, people will come with you.
 
Outside of that, it's not about agreeing with people, but how you talk to other people.  Hell, CunningLinguist and I just essentially flattened out an entire F2P debate with practical discussion, and that's usually a conversation akin to trolling.  It's all about how people approach each other.  If I disagree with something, I say why and, if at all possible, I try to come up with alternative ideas that accomplish what the person wants to do with fewer drawbacks.  While there are still people that want to argue about it, I'd say that cuts down on about 90% of normal forum backlash.  People the community swears are trolling tend to get along with me more often than not because of how I approach an idea I don't think would be a good idea to implement.
 
It doesn't stop every little fight, but it stops the majority of them.	
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Debates are fun, original people are fun, games are fun.
 
You should play however you want to. :)
 
Oh and by the way LOVE the profile picture.
 
Just took me on a zelda reminiscence trip [grin]	
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Hey folks,
 
Just a reminder that while you may not agree with this post and the apology set out, you do have to abide by the forum rules, and that means posts should not be inflammatory towards other forum members, and should remain constructive. In cases like this, the saying "if you don't have anything nice to say" works well, it is probably best to simply not say anything at all. 
 
Thank you.
- Team WildStar	
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Normally, I wouldn't care what people say about how I play. In games like WoW, I just played my own way, and ignored people who thought I was bad or something (but then, in WoW, you didn't have the LAS thing to cause issues, but that's another topic). In Wildstar, the community is small enough that if I tick off a handful of people, then I essentially can't raid or do any kind of group content -- which is about how it is. People see my name and immediately ban me from their raid, or don't let me do a gold run, or something similar. It's not even min-maxers that harrass me over my builds, it's just everyone, really. The way they set up combat in this game, everything goes a bit quicker if you interrupt everything, give all the raid buffs, and all that - but it leaves you with a playstyle that just isn't fun, for me.
 
My builds are incredibly whacky, but they don't detract from the raid at all. I just don't run more than one or two interrupts unless I need to, and I don't run Probes or Power Link. All of my builds for every role use 6-7 buttons, with one slot for utility (but I often substitute a couple slots for more utility if I need to). Now, the abilities that I use are what really set people off. Collider on my Medic; Tremor, SS and WW on my Warrior (with base RS); Clone on my Stalker, with base Impale and Shred; a super weird SS build... but they work for me. One of my former guildies used to say that I use the most crazy, retarded builds there are, yet somehow they work -- but only if I use them. If only other people thought like that.
 
As for making my own raids or guild, I've actually tried that a couple times throughout my Wildstar days. Back when the game first launched, I made a guild on Pergo, and it didn't really work all that well. On Warhound, I joined a few guilds, and ended up making my own, which also didn't work. On Entity, I'm just so infamous that when I start a pug raid, or gold runs, or a guild, or anything really, people just say, "Isn't that Tahlie?" and then whatever I was trying to set up usually crashes and burns. I don't really think any raiding guilds exist anymore that would take me in, unless I recently changed my character names (which I've done three times now) so that people don't recognize me.
 
I know I don't talk like a very civil person, especially when I'm defending something I believe in, or my builds, or something. Generally I'm nice, but I can get a bit snappy when I have dozens of people arguing against me in chat or something. You'd just have to see the chat to know what it's like, haha. Having the majority of the realm as your enemy is certainly interesting.
 
In that post, I said I don't intentionally make people angry. I just somehow passively tick off everyone around me, without even trying or meaning to. :P
 
I don't feel like I need to create a playstyle that's not fun for me, and not who I am, just because some people think it's absolutely necessary. If people don't like how I play, well cool, more power to them. I change my bars when I need to (like Golg, or the minis that need two, or I run a purge, etc.), but I don't change my bars when it's not really necessary. Sure, people won't like that, but it's how I have fun. If I never get to raid again, well I'll just go back to MMO hunting again.	
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			Play how you want, but also be aware that group play causes EVERYONE to make some sacrifices to how they would normally like to play because they are now working with other people and they need to take what benefits the group into consideration.  	
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Ok, first CHIN UP!
 
Then within reason do what you want, it's a game. If your preferred version of working with a group isn't working....your with the wrong group. Or, maybe you just weren't meant for certain types of group play. Who knows? me? bah....But if your looking for people to hang with roll a Dommy alt and look me up. Red Bastion is small mostly weekend and casual at this point, But the idea is to enjoy the trip and it's not a race to the end.	
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			What's the point of this? You're here to tell everyone that you've been shunned and that you're sorry for who you are... but you're not! "I am what I am," cool, I dig it, but there's no reason any of us should feel bad for or even attempt to understand the guy who feels absolutely no need to be a team player. These guys are right, play how you want, just be aware that the way you play has gotten you where you are. If you were more willing to work with people, rather than saying, "I'll play how I want!" then maybe you'd get invited to more group content. 	
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I like you.  You who says what he means and means what he says:  humans tend to mask their true feelings and thoughts with clever idioms and innuendo.  I have been called a fool because I am a warrior dps that uses Whirlwind....(even though i have reverberate)....I'm still mocked and scoffed and ridiculed...(even by players who have NEVER rolled a warrior build)  =D  I find it truly amazing how demonizing and aggressive people are behind a keyboard--what with their statistics and "superior intellect" and resourced materials--so eager and intent on making you follow THEIR WAY the moment they {inspect} your character...
 
Sticks and stones may break my bones,
Sword and claw, my skin, may maul,
But game chat will never hurt me
 
And disturbed by Pell and Squirg,
Osun stomped and Torine whomped
But game chat will never hurt me
 
 A.O.E. telegraphs me,
Buzzbings sting and lag spikes ping
But game chat will never hurt me
 
 	
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