Renaissance Romance

==Characters==
Nat PetersonShubieSusieBaby BillyPatty RechidNathaniel WatersDon the WhaleSadie RechidNazz-MimiFrankie-BillySallyEvelynHaroldPilarClaytonScooterNancy Suzy FishFrankMable-MonicaTina-FranCharlieMartha SmithKingQueenWaiterAuctioneerAuction biddersMotherSonRenaissance Fair AnnouncerFat ManFat Woman
==Transcript==
(Scene cuts to Patty Rechid sitting in a booth at a restaurant) Harold walks over to the booth and sits down.
Patty: "You must be Harold."
Harold: "That's me! I've got to say, I've never been on a date with someone as pretty and purple as you are!" Patty raises her eyebrow in confusion.
Patty: "Well the was an odd compliment. So, what are your interests?"
(Scene cuts to Scooter sitting in the booth with Patty)
Scooter: "Surfing!"
Patty: "Wonderful. And what do you do for a living?"
(Scene cuts to Pilar sitting in the booth)
Pilar: "Well I... Uh..."
Patty: "You don't have a job, do you?"
Pilar: "Well, um... It's a funny story actually..."
Patty: "I'm gonna take that as a no. Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?" Patty plays with the straw in her glass of water.
(Scene cuts to Clayton sitting in the booth)
Clayton: "There is one thing. Was your mom a fighter pilot? Because when she had you she really dropped a bomb!" Patty starts laughing. Clayton smiles.
Patty: "How pathetic!" Patty continues laughing. Clayton frowns and walks away. Don the Whale walks over to the booth and sits down. Patty notices Don and stops laughing. Patty fakes a cough.
Patty: "Don! I didn't know you were one of the people coming tonight. How have you been doing?"
Don: "You wanna make out at Make Out Reef?"
Patty: "Ugh! That is so typical! I'm trying to start a conversation, and you immediately ask me to make out with you?! Is that all you view me as? A quick kiss?!" 
Don: "Is it bad if I say yes?" Patty gets up and walks away. Patty looks at her watch.
Patty: "Well it's almost time for work. So much for Nazz's idea of speed run dating."
(Scene cuts to Nat, Shubie, Susie and Baby Billy at the Bikini Bottom Renaissance Fair)
Shubie: "It was so nice of you and Sadie to have Sadie's Cookies sponsor the renaissance fair, Nat!"
Nat: "Of course! They practically begged us to help them out so here we are."
Shubie: "Well I think this is going to be a great experience for all of us! I can't wait for me and Billy to teach people how babies were fed during medieval times! And Susie's going to help demonstrate how children were taught during that time. This is going to be so much fun!" The PA system turns on.
Announcer: "Attention all employees and volunteers! The fair will be opening in five minutes!"
Nat: "I'd better go make sure the tarter sauce station is all set up for me and Sadie. We're going to be teaching visitors how people used to make tarter sauce during the Renaissance. See you at lunch, Shubie!"
Shubie: "Bye Nat! See you then!" Shubie, Susie and Baby Billy walk away. Nat walks over to a house with the words Tarter Sauce Farm written on top.
Nat: "Hi Sadie!"
Sadie: "Hi Nat! My, don't you look dashing with those medieval tight pants on."
Nat: "Yeah, they're a lot less comfortable than they look. Is everything all set up for us?"
Sadie: "Yep! Everything looks great! Aren't you excited? This is the first time our business is sponsoring something! Hopefully this it'll help bring more customers to Sadie's Cookies. Oh, people are coming! Just remember to stick to the script the owners gave us." A women and her son walk towards them.
Woman: "Oh look! Doesn't this house seem interesting! What do we have at this station?"
Nat: "This is the medieval tarter sauce farm! I'm Nat Peterson!"
Sadie: "And I'm his wife, Mrs. Sadie Peterson! Yep, we're married! I love him so much." Sadie runs over to Nat and throws her arms around him.
Nat: "Uh, Sadie? What are you doing?" Sadie takes her arms off Nat.
Sadie: "Oh! I'm just trying to make this more historically accurate! In medieval times, tarter sauces farms where always run by a peasant and his wife."
Woman: "So what do you two do on this farm?"
Nat: "We churn tarter sauce! In medieval times, farmers would churn tarter sauce for eight hours a day so that it could be sold at the market the next morning." Nat begins to churn the barrel of tarter sauce next to him. Sadie begins to churn her barrel of tarter sauce.
Sadie: "Of course, my husband would frequently find himself doing this task alone. I would often be unable to churn tarter sauce while giving birth to our eleven children."
Woman: "Eleven children? Wow! And I thought that raising this little guy was hard enough! What else do you do on this farm?"
Nat: "Oh, that's pretty much it. I spend most of my day churning tarter sauce."
Sadie: "And I spend most of my day being pregnant!"
Woman: "So this is it?"
Nat: "Yep." The woman looks at her watch.
Woman: "Well that was the most boring three minutes of my life. No wonder your father stayed home and watched the game instead of coming with us. Hey sport, why don't we head over to the arcade?"
Son: "Really?! Yay! Thanks Mom!" The woman and her son leave the fair.
Sadie: "Wait! Don't forget to buy some deserts at Sadie's Cookies! We bake treats for all sorts of events!"
(Scene cuts to Shubie taking a break at the renaissance fair)
Shubie: "It's a good thing that hardly anyone's here today. I'd probably run out of supply if there were more people." Shubie notices Patty walking towards her.
Shubie: "Hi Patty! What brings you here? Here to learn about what life was like in medieval times?"
Patty: "Oh, no. I'm just here to take measurements for the new condo complex."
Shubie: "New condo complex?"
Patty: "This renaissance fair will be out of business before we know it. The owner hasn't been able to pay his taxes for months. Pretty soon the IRS is going to take it away and auction it off to the highest bidder. I've convinced Bikini Realty to buy it and put up a condo complex when that happens. Then I'll be able to sell all those condos to hundreds of new clients! I'll become the greatest realtor Bikini Bottom's ever seen!"
Shubie: "Wow, you really have this all planned out. That stinks that the renaissance fair is going out of business soon."
Patty: "Eh, hardly anyone ever comes to it anyway. If they did the owner would've been able to pay his taxes." 
Shubie: "Owner? You mean the king and queen of the fair?" Shubie sits down on a stool. Patty laughs.
Patty: "King and queen? Those two are peasants at best given how much they owe in taxes!"
Shubie: "I guess that's true. So how are things going with your boyfriend?"
Patty: "What boyfriend? I'm not seeing anyone right now. The guys in this town are the worst. They're all either weird or unemployed or uncommitted to anything more than a quick kiss. Actually, most of them are all three of those things."
Shubie: "Oh, I'm sorry. I assumed that you were. But don't worry! You'll find someone one day!"
Patty: "Thanks Shubie, but I don't know if I will. Both of my sisters have kids and I haven't even found a relationship that will last for more than two dates! Plus, I'm always really busy with work so I don't have the time."
Shubie: "Patty, you can definitely find the right guy for you. When I first met Nat, I..."
Patty: "Who is that?" Patty points at a guy working at the blacksmith shop.
Shubie: "The guy at the blacksmith station?"
Patty: "Oh, it's like my ancestral instincts are tingling! I have to talk to him!" Patty walks over to the blacksmith shop. Patty leans on the counter.
Patty: "Hi there."
Blacksmith: "Uh, hello madam."
Patty: "Madam? Ooh, you're fancy. I like a guy with class. So what are you up to?"
Blacksmith: "I'm smoldering a sword for a knight." The blacksmith hits the sword with a hammer.
Patty: "Ooh, that sounds interesting! So are you doing anything later tonight?" The blacksmith shrugs.
Blacksmith: "Not really."
Patty: "Great! Here's my card. Give me a call later if you're interested in doing something." Patty hands the blacksmith her card. The blacksmith looks at the card and smiles.
Blacksmith: "Ok."
Patty: "See you then!" Patty waves goodbye and walks back over to Shubie.
Patty: "Oh Shubie, I think I'm in love! I don't know what it is but there's something special about that blacksmith."
Shubie: "Wow Patty, I never thought you'd be interested in Nathaniel!" Patty's eyes get large.
Patty: "Nathaniel?"
Shubie: "Yeah. You do know that's Nathaniel, don't you?" Patty doesn't respond. Shubie starts laughing.
Shubie: "Oh my gosh! You had no idea! Well, I guess it is kinda hard to tell since he has that hood on."
Patty: "Oh no, no, no. What have I done? I can't go out on a date with Nathaniel! He has the personality of a piece of cardboard. 'I'm smoldering a sword for a knight,' he says. That's not romantic! I have to end this." Patty starts walking over to the blacksmith shop.
Shubie: "Patty stop! At least give him the chance. Clearly something about him made you interested. Just go on one date with him tonight, and if things don't work out, don't go on any more. If Nat had asked me out on a date before he elbowed me in the face, I don't know if I would've said yes. But I wouldn't want to be with anyone else today. You never know what could happen, Patty." Patty sighs.
Patty: "Okay, one date."
(Scene cuts to Patty sitting at a table in a restaurant) Patty looks at her watch.
Patty: "Where is he? He said he'd be here by 7 when he called." Nathaniel runs over to her table.
Nathaniel: "Hi Patty! Sorry I'm late! That green suit looks really good on you!"
Patty: "Thanks. I must say that yellow polo shirt doesn't look half bad on you. Could've put on a pair of pants though." Nathaniel laughs awkwardly.
Nathaniel: "Sorry, I couldn't find any that matched this shirt."
Patty: "So you thought that not wearing pants would be better? How much do you make at the renaissance fair?"
Nathaniel: "About ten bucks an hour."
Patty: "Ten dollars? No wonder you can't afford a nice pair of pants." A waiter walks over to their table.
Waiter: "What can I get you two this evening?"
Patty: "I'll have the filet mignon with a salad."
Waiter: "Excellent choice, ma'am! And for you?" The waiter looks at Nathaniel.
Nathaniel: "Can I have the full rack of ribs with a side of nachos?" Patty raises her eyebrow.
Nathaniel: "Better make that a Beef Wellington. With a salad."
Waiter: "And for your salad dressings?"
Nathaniel: "I'll have ranch!" Patty looks at him oddly.
Patty: "I think we'll have balsamic vinaigrette." 
Waiter: "And for your drinks?"
Nathaniel: "Soda!"
Patty: "We'll have water." Patty grabs Nathaniel's menu out of his hands. Patty hands the waiter her and Nathaniel's menus.
Waiter: "Excellent. Your dinner will be ready shortly." The waiter walks away.
Patty: "You're lucky I helped you out when we were ordering. I usually hang guys out to dry when it comes to that. Nachos and soda, how basic and uncultured. Still, I can't believe our waiter called me 'ma'am'. No one's ever called me that before outside of work."
Nathaniel: "Yeah, I think that guy needs to get his eye checked. No wonder he's a waiter. He's probably been waiting on a pair of glasses for months!" Patty giggles.
Patty: "That was actually kind of funny."
Nathaniel: "Hey, check out those fish over there! They're so fat that they have to sit on two chairs!" Nathaniel points at a man and a woman sitting at a table. The woman burps.
Patty: "Stop, it's rude to make fun of others. Although, that is pretty funny." Patty giggles. 
Nathaniel: "Hey, it's all in good fun! I know what it feels like to look like those two. I was always pretty fat growing up."
Patty: "Really?"
Nathaniel: "Yeah! Here's a picture!" Nathaniel takes out a picture of him at age 13.
Patty: "Dear Neptune, you were fat!" Patty and Nathaniel laugh. The waiter walks over to their table carrying their food. Patty notices the waiter and stops laughing. Patty fakes a cough.
Waiter: "Here's your food. Enjoy." The waiter puts a plate in front of both Patty and Nathaniel. The waiter then puts down two glasses of water and walks away.
Patty: "Hey, this isn't the filet mignon. This is Beef Wellington. Ugh, the waiter gave us the wrong plates." Nathaniel hands Patty his plate.
Nathaniel: "Here, let me get mine." Nathaniel gets out of his seat to reach over and grab the plate in front of Patty. Nathaniel sits back down. The chair makes an odd noise.
Nathaniel: "Did you hear that? The cushions on these chairs sound like whoopee cushions!" Nathaniel presses his finger against the chair cushion. The cushion makes a farting noise. Patty giggles.
Patty: "Yeah, I guess they do." Patty gets up and sits back down. The cushion on her chair makes a farting noise. Patty and Nathaniel start laughing. Nathaniel and Patty continue getting up and sitting down to cause their chairs to make farting noises. Patty and Nathaniel laugh even harder.
(Scene cuts to Patty and Nathaniel finishing their meal) The waiter walks over to them.
Waiter: "Here's your bill. How will you be paying this evening."
Patty: "Oh, I'll get it." Patty pulls out her credit card, but Nathaniel stops her.
Nathaniel: "No, no. I'll pay."
Patty: "Nathaniel, I appreciate the offer but I've got it covered. This restaurant is very pricey." Patty tries to hand the waiter her credit card but Nathaniel stops her again.
Nathaniel: "No, Patty. I'm paying for both us and that's final. Put this on my card." Nathaniel hands the waiter his credit card. Patty smiles.
Waiter: "Okay, I'll be back in a jiffy with the receipt."
Nathaniel: "Oh, waiter?"
Waiter: "Yes?"
Nathaniel: "One more thing." Nathaniel takes the cushion off of his chair and squeezes it. The cushion makes a loud farting noise. Patty bursts out laughing. The waiter rolls his eyes.
Waiter: "How immature." The waiter walks away.
Patty: "Wow Nathaniel, this dinner was much more enjoyable than I expected it to be. Are you doing anything after this?"
Nathaniel: "Not really."
Patty: "Why don't we go see a movie at the drive in theater? My treat! I figured it's the least I could do since you paid for the meal."
Nathaniel: "Sure! What movie?"
Patty: "Well I have been meaning to check out that new art film all the critics are raving about, but I can always see it another day. Why don't we see the cheesy comedy movie they're playing at 10?"
Nathaniel: "Sounds great!"
Patty: "Perfect! Let's take my car. I'm assuming it's cleaner than yours."
(Scene cuts to Nathaniel and Patty laughing at the comedy movie at the drive in theater) A farting noise is heard from the movie. Patty and Nathaniel laugh.
Patty: "Who knew laughing at terrible movies could be this enjoyable? All this laughing has gotten me hungry. You know what that calls for?"
Nathaniel: "What?"
Patty: "Some late night ice cream!"
(Scene cuts to Nathaniel and Patty eating ice cream outside of an ice cream shop) Nathaniel and Patty finish their ice cream and throw out their cups. Nathaniel and Patty walk towards Patty's car.
Nathaniel: "That ice cream really hit the spot! You really know all the best places in town, Patty!"
Patty: "Of course I do! I sold pretty much all of these buildings! Nathaniel, I had a lot of fun with you tonight. I don't normally do this on first dates but..." Patty kisses Nathaniel on the lips.
(Scene cuts to a montage of Patty and Nathaniel going on dates)
(Scene cuts to Nathaniel's house) Nathaniel and Patty carry two boxes into a truck.
Patty: "These are the last boxes. Aren't you excited? I can't believe we're moving in together! These past two months have really flown by! And don't worry about your old house. I know a realtor who can sell it for five times it's value!"
Nathaniel: "Five times the value?! That's great Patty! I'll probably need all the money I can get soon." Patty places a sign that says For Sale by Bikini Realty! in Nathaniel's front yard.
Patty: "Why's that, sweetie?"
Nathaniel: "Because the renaissance fair will be going out of business any day now." Patty turns around.
Patty: "What?! The renaissance fair is going out of business?"
Nathaniel: "Yeah the manager said today that the government's going to take over the fair and auction it off within the next work."
Patty: "Oh no! We have to do something about this!"
Nathaniel: "Wait, aren't you happy that the fair's going out of business? I thought you wanted it to close down so Bikini Realty could buy it and turn it into a condo complex."
Patty: "Well yeah, but that was before we starting dating. No boyfriend of mine is going to lose his job! We have to do something about this."
Nathaniel: "But how? No one ever goes to the renaissance fair. It's not like we could force them to."
Patty: "No... but a good marketing team can convince them!"
(Scene cuts to Patty and Nathaniel talking to Sadie)
Patty: "Scientists have found that visiting the renaissance fair makes women more fertile." Sadie grabs a flier out of Patty's hand.
Sadie: "Oh I can't wait to have kids with Nat!"
(Scene cuts to Patty and Nathaniel talking Nazz-Mimi in front of her house)
Patty: "Going to the renaissance fair has been proven to prevent fish from turning into werewolves." Nazz-Mimi grabs a flier and turns towards the inside of her house.
Nazz: "Frankie! We're going to the renaissance fair!"
(Scene cuts to Patty and Nathaniel talking to Nancy and Frank)
Patty: "It'll increase a child's chances of going to Whale."
Nancy: "I know what we're doing this weekend!"
(Scene cuts to Patty and Nathaniel talking to Mable)
Patty: "It'll help you get out of doing work." Mable grabs a flier.
Mable: "A field trip to the renaissance fair, huh? That's not a bad idea."
(Scene cuts to Patty and Nathaniel talking to Tina and Charlie)
Patty: "It'll help Charlie smell better."
Tina: "Great!" Tina grabs a flier.
(Scene cuts to Patty and Nathaniel talking to Harold)
Patty: "It'll help you find true love."
Harold: "I gotta buy a ticket." Harold runs away.
(Scene cuts to Patty and Nathaniel talking to Evelyn)
Patty: "It'll help you find true love."
Evelyn: "I gotta buy a ticket!" Evelyn runs away.
(Scene cuts to Patty and Nathaniel talking to Martha)
Patty: "You'll lose weight."
Martha: "That's all I needed to hear!"
(Scene cuts to Patty and Nathaniel talking to Clayton)
Patty: "You'll become more attractive."
Clayton: "Where can I get tickets?"
(Scene cuts to Patty and Nathaniel talking to Pilar)
Patty: "You'll get in better shape."
Pilar: "I've always wanted a six pack!"
(Scene cuts to Patty and Nathaniel talking to Scooter)
Patty: "It'll make you better at surfing."
Scooter: "Awesome!"
(Scene cuts to Patty and Nathaniel at the renaissance fair) 
Nathaniel: "Oh, there's my boss." The King and Queen of the renaissance fair walk towards them carrying large piles of money.
Queen: "Honey, did you ever think the fair would be making this much money? I thought for sure we'd go broke!"
King: "I really have to hand it to your girlfriend, Nathiel! We've made more money this week than we have in the past three years!"
Nathaniel: "Thank you, sir! But my name is Nathaniel."
King: "Yeah whatever, blacksmith. Thanks to you Patty, we can easily buy the fair back at the auction this weekend. It looks like this fair is staying in business!" The king walks away.
Patty: "Isn't this great, Nathaniel? You're going to keep your job!"
Nathaniel: "Thanks Patty. None of this ever would have happened if it wasn't for you."
Patty: "Yeah well, you contributed a lot too. I never would have saved this train wreck of a fair if I hadn't met the man of my dreams."
(Scene cuts to Patty and Nathaniel at the auction that weekend) The king walks up to them.
King: "So how do these things work again, Patty?"
Patty: "All you have to do is raise your hand and yell out a higher number when the guy at the podium yells out a price. Eventually the other people will drop out and quit as the price gets higher so make sure you're the last one standing. Don't worry though, that money should be more than enough to win. Anyone with half a brain knows this property isn't worth the amount you two can offer. Just remember to keep raising your hand and yelling out high prices."
King: "Got it." The auctioneer walks up to the podium.
Auctioneer: "Ok ladies and gentlemen, today we'll be auctioning off the Bikini Bottom Renaissance Fair! Can we get the bidding started at $500,000? $500,000? I see the orange man with the brown hair in the front has his hand raised. $500,000! $500,000! Going once! Going twice!" The Queen looks over at the King.
Queen: "Honey! Why aren't you raising your hand?"
King: "Oh, I'm supposed to raise it now?"
Patty: "Yes! Some rich snob is about to buy the fair!"
Auctioneer: "Last call! $500,000!" Patty sighs and raises her hand.
Queen: "Honey, do something! We're about to lose the fair!" The king raises his hand.
King: "$600,000!"
Auctioneer: "$600,000 for the little man wearing a crown! Do I see someone saying 650? 650,000! Do I have anyone for $700,000?" The king raises his hand.
King: "$700,000!"
Auctioneer: "$700,000 for the little man! Can I get $800,000? $800,000 says the man in the second row! $850,000?" The King raises his hand.
King: "$850,000!"
Auctioneer: "$850,000! How about $900,000? $900,000 says the man in the back left!"
King: "$1 million!" 
Auctioneer: "$1 million! Do we have $1.1 million? Yes we do! $1.1 million!"
King: "$1.5 million!" The crowd gasps.
Auctioneer: "$1.5 million! Any one want to raise it from $1.5 million?" Patty smirks.
Patty: "No one would be willing to spend more than that on this dump."
Auctioneer: "And that man in the back left has raised the bidding to $2 million!"
Queen: "What?! Patty, $1.5 million is all we have! I thought you said it would be enough!"
Patty: "I don't understand! That should've been more than enough!"
Auctioneer: "$2 million? Going once! Going twice! Sold to the orca in the back left corner!"
Patty: "Orca? Oh no! Don't tell me it's..." The other bidders leave. Patty, Nathaniel, the King and the Queen see Don the Whale standing in front of them.
Don the Whale: "Hey, Patty! Sorry I outbid you. I know how much Bikini Realty wanted to turn this into a condo complex."
Patty: "That's not why I was bidding! I was trying to save Nathaniel's job!"
Don: "Nathaniel? Why would you care about his job? Unless... you two are dating?! Wow Patty! Someone's gotten desperate in her late thirties!" Don starts laughing.
Patty: "Shut up! I haven't gotten desperate. Nathaniel is the perfect guy for me. He's caring, kind, compassionate..."
Don: "And also hasn't gone to a gym in eight years!" Don continues laughing. Patty rolls her eyes.
Patty: "Real mature, Don. Why do you even want this land anyway?"
Don: "I'm going to turn it into a brand new gym! Everyone knows Bikini Bottom needs those more than this dumb renaissance fair. Maybe if your boyfriend spent more time in the gym instead of wearing a knight costume, he'd look bit less like a blue French Fry."
Patty: "Nathaniel does not look like a French Fry! Give us back the renaissance fair!"
Don: "Or what? There's nothing you can do about it. I won this land fair and square at the auction. Now, go sign Nathaniel up for a membership. He could really use one."
Patty: "Nathaniel doesn't need a gym membership! I think you're just jealous that he's stronger than you." Don laughs.
Don: "Stronger than me?! You've really lost your mind now, Patty! I could knock him down with my pinky!"
Patty: "Nope. I know you're scared of my boyfriend. You know he'd destroy you in any athletic competition."
Don: "Oh is that so? Well why don't we put that to the test?"
Patty: "You're on! In the spirit of the Renaissance, let's have a jousting match here next week. If Nathaniel wins, you have to take back your money and give the land back to the fair."
Don: "And if I win?"
Patty: "You get what you've always wanted. I'll dump Nathaniel and go with you to Make Out Reef."
Don: "I like the sound of that. It's a deal! You better hope Patty pays for your insurance, Nathaniel. Because you'll be living that match in a body bag." Nathaniel gulps. Don walks away.
Nathaniel: "What was that, Patty?! I've never jousted in my life!"
Patty: "Neither has he!"
Nathaniel: "But he's twice my size! And you heard Don! He's gonna kill me!"
Patty: "Relax! You don't think I'd offer to leave you for Don without thinking all of this out, do you? We'll spend the next week training and after that, you'll be the greatest jouster Bikini Bottom's ever seen! You'll be able to defeat Don with ease."
(Scene cuts to Nathaniel riding a seahorse)
Nathaniel: "Are you sure about this Patty? I've never ridden a seahorse before."
Patty: "Oh, relax! How hard can it be? My sisters and I used to ride seahorses all the time when we were kids. Now let's get started!"
Nathaniel: "Ok. That's a nice seahorse." The seahorse neighs angrily and bucks Nathaniel off of it. Nathaniel flies into tree.
Patty: "Don't worry sweetie! I'll call the fire department to get you down!"
(Scene cuts to Nathaniel training at the renaissance fair)
Patty: "Ok, all you need to do is practice hitting those targets with your lancer." Patty hands Nathaniel a lancer.
Nathaniel: "Uh, this thing is pretty heavy."
Patty: "Don't worry, I'm sure you'll get used to it. These targets won't be moving so it'll be a lot easier than when you face Don next week." Nathaniel starts riding his seahorse towards the target.
Patty: "You're doing great Nathaniel! Now stab the targets!" Nathaniel points his sword towards the first target and smashes it. Nathaniel points his sword towards the second target and smashes it. Nathaniel points his sword at the third target.
Nathaniel: "I'm doing it! I'm actually doing it!"
Patty: "Nathaniel, you're running out of room! Start slowing down or you're going to crash into the back fence!"
Nathaniel: "Huh? Oh no! How do you slow a seahorse down?" The seahorse notices that they're getting close to the back fence and tries to slow down. The seahorse starts moving uncontrollably. Nathaniel smashes his head through the target and falls off the horse. Nathaniel spits out some wood from the target.
(Scene cuts to Nathaniel training later that week)
Patty: "Ok, now you need to practice on a moving target. Thankfully, Frankie agreed to help us out. All you need to do is stab him with your lancer as he comes towards you. He's nowhere near as strong as Don and has never practiced jousting before so this should be an easy win for you." 
Nathaniel: "Okay."
Patty walks out of the pit and over towards Nazz.
Patty: "Thanks again for convincing Frankie to help Nathaniel train, Nazz."
Nazz: "You're welcome, Patty. I just hope Frankie doesn't get too badly injured. I know that Nathaniel's been training all week for this."
Patty: "Oh don't worry, Nazz! I'm sure Frankie won't get too badly hurt today. Nathaniel wouldn't want to send a potential brother-in-law into the hospital." Nathaniel starts riding his seahorse towards Frankie. Frankie starts sweating nervously and rides towards Nathaniel. Frankie closes his eyes and braces for impact. Frankie's lancer hits into Nathaniel's chest. Nathaniel flies off his seahorse and crashes into a fence. Frankie opens his eyes.
Frankie: "I'm alive! I'm alive!"
(Scene cuts to a montage of Frankie defeating Nathaniel in the jousting pit) Frankie knocks Nathaniel off his seahorse and Nathaniel falls onto the ground. Nathaniel spits out some dirt.
Patty: "It's okay, Nathaniel! Don't give up! You'll get him on the eighteenth try! Hey Nazz, do you hear that noise?"
Nazz: "Yeah, what is that?" Patty and Nazz turn around and see Don riding a seahorse towards them. Don rides his seahorse into the jousting pit and slices through a bunch of dummies with ease. A large crowd gathers in the arena and starts cheering. Don takes off his helmet and gets off his horse. Sally and Evelyn run towards him.
Sally: "Oh my gosh! I never thought I'd ever be this close to Don the Whale! I'm like your biggest fan! Can I get an autograph?"
Don: "Of course!" Don signs an autograph for Sally.
Evelyn: "Oh, can I get an autograph too? Your muscles look even bigger in person! Can you flex for us, Don?" Don hands her an autograph.
Don: "You got it!" Don starts flexing his muscles. The crowd cheers even louder.
Sally: "So Don, are you seeing anyone right now? How does dinner sound after you kill that loser?"
Evelyn: "No! Go out to dinner with me instead!"
Don: "Sorry, ladies. But I have my eye on another girl right now." Don looks over at Patty. Patty rolls her eyes. Nathaniel walks over to Patty.
Nathaniel: "Did you see what Don did to those dummies Patty? The joust is tomorrow and I couldn't even beat Frankie! How am I ever going to beat Don? He's going to kill me!
Patty: "Did you really think I wouldn't have a backup plan in case you were terrible at jousting? Of course I have one! Now, here's what we're going to do." Patty whispers her plan into Nathaniel's ear.
(Scene cuts to the day of the joust) Nat, Shubie, Susie and Baby Billy walk into the stands.
Nat: "Wow, I’ve never seen so many people in the jousting arena before. I just hope Nathaniel doesn't get seriously injured out there."
Shubie: "Yeah, hopefully Patty and Nathaniel know what they're doing."
(Scene cuts to the king and queen sitting in the stands) 
Queen: "Honey! Honey, wake up!" The king wakes up.
King: "Huh?"
Queen: "The joust is about to start!" The king gets up and turns on the microphone.
King: "Ladies and gentlefish! Thank you for coming to the renaissance fair on potentially the last day it's ever open. Today you will be watching a jousting match between Don the Whale and Nathaniel Waters! In this corner we have the overwhelming favorite, Don the Whale!" Don rides into the arena. The crowd starts cheering.
Shubie: "Wow, Evelyn was right. His muscles do look bigger in person."
King: "And in this corner we have the underdog, Nathaniel Waters!" A few claps are heard from the crowd. Nathaniel doesn't enter the arena. Don laughs.
Don: "Ha! Looks like someone chickened out! I guess he smartened up and realized he didn't stand a chance against me. I can't wait to turn this dump into a brand new gym." The king sits down.
King: "Well it looks like we lost the renaissance fair, dear. I can't believe I just bet our mortgage on Nathaniel. Now we're going to lose our house too and we'll have to move in with your parents."
Queen: "You what?! Wait! What's this?" Nathaniel enters the arena.
Don: "Took you long enough loser! You should've quit while you had the chance! Now I'm going to embarrass you in front of all these people and take your girlfriend! Patty's all mine!" Nathaniel doesn't answer.
King: "Let the joust begin!" Don and Nathaniel start riding towards each other. Don stabs his lancer at Nathaniel.
(Scene cuts to the Petersons sitting in the stands)
Shubie: "Cover your eyes, Susie."
(Scene cuts back to the joust) Nathaniel dodges under Don's lancer.
Don: "Huh?" Nathaniel hits Don in the stomach with his lancer. Don falls off his horse and onto the ground. Don's helmet falls off his head. The crowd gasps.
King: "Ladies and gentlefish! Now presenting, your jousting champion, Nathaniel Waters!" 
Don: "But that's impossible! How could Nathaniel beat me?"
Patty: "That's because Nathaniel didn't beat you!" Patty takes off her helmet, revealing that she was the one who participated in the joust.
Don: "Patty?! But why?"
Patty: "Did you really think I'd give up my boyfriend that easily? I would never trade Nathaniel for some dumb jock like you." Nathaniel runs into the jousting pit.
Nathaniel: "Patty, that was amazing!" Patty smiles.
Patty: "I told you I had a plan, sweetie." Patty gets off her seahorse and kisses Nathaniel on the lips. The king and queen run towards them.
Queen: "Patty! You saved our fair! How could we ever repay you?" The queen hugs Patty.
Patty: "Maybe if you stop squeezing me?"
Queen: "Oops! Sorry about that." The queen laughs awkwardly and lets go of Patty.
King: "Come on, honey! Let's go count our winnings!" 
Queen: "I've always dreamed of living in a mansion!" The king and queen run off.
Nathaniel: "So what would you like to do now, Patty? I heard that there are tables open at Fancy! tonight. I know that's your favorite restaurant."
Patty: "Fancy!? That stuck up place? Why don't we order a pizza and have some fun at Glove World instead? I heard they have a new ride that sprays you with mud as you go through it!"
Nathaniel: "Sounds good to me!" Nathaniel and Patty walk away. Don groans.
Don: "Can someone call an ambulance?"
(Scene ends)
Category:Nat Peterson Adventures!
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