Transcripts 2005-05

Transcripts from May 2005 strips.
==May 2==
Panel 1Tessa holds a hand out to the hood of Gary's car while raising the metal bar in her other hand in defence.Panel 2Gary shouts at her from the driver's seat.Gary: WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? A WRITTEN INVITATION? GET IN!Panel 3Tessa looks away awkwardly.Tessa (thinking): I'm not sure how professional it is to be rescued by someone you should be killing, but I know it's socially awkward!
==May 3==
Single PanelTessa flees to the passenger side of the car while looking over her shoulder at the gigglers racing up to catch her, claws raised. On the brick wall in the background, two messages are scrawled: "KROZ" and "Dave is a (wank)er"Tessa (thinking): "He will win who knows when to fight and when not to fight!" so I'm not actually running away!Tessa (thinking): If I tell myself that enough I might believe that I'm not fleeing like a girl!
==May 4==
Pseudo The Church of Poisoned Minds/Flash Animation
The SwingDimometer (backup)A dial-like interactive display that shows various degrees of "swing" of Gordon Brown (left, red) and Michael Howard (right, blue). There is one more notch for right than for left.Default settingScribble of a grumpy looking Al appears at the bottom of the dial.Caption: Click the right arrow to swing to the right. Click the left arrow to also swing to the right.Right 1Howard's face.Howard: Are you thinking what we're thinking? We're thinking of biscuits!Right 2Howard's face now has red eyes and fangs.Howard: No, don't run! I won't bite... much!Right 3Howard's (normal) face.Howard: We plan to get the money for tax cuts from magic pixies! SEE! It's all thought out!Right 4Howard's face.Howard: It's not racist to be tough on gypsies... I mean immigration.Right 5Howard's face.Howard: No, we're not the same people who wrecked the economy 10 yeas ago. Those were some other Tories that look like us!Right 6Howard's face with Xs over his eyes, a Hitler moustache, goatee, buck teeth with large gap between them, and an arrow through his head.Howard: Why do I get the feeling no one takes us seriously anymore?Right 7Howard's (normal) face.Howard: It's all a matter of trust! You can trust me can't you? Actually, don't answer that!Right 8Howard's face.Howard: The Tories CAN win this election! It's very unlikely, but we CAN!Right 9Howard's face.Howard: We have been an effective opposition! When Tony wanted to go to war, we agree with him! You can't get more effective then that!Right 10Howard turns into a crude bat and flies to the left.Left 1Brown's face.Brown: I take tough decisions! It's not easy doing everything George tells me to!Left 2Brown's face with angry eyes and a sneer drawn over.Brown: DON'T MENTION THE WAR!Left 3Brown's (normal) face.Brown: I hate being called a liar! I think I'm allergic to the truth!Left 4Brown's face.Brown: Of course I listen to people! I just ignore what they say!Left 5Brown's face.Brown: Of course the war was legal! I made sure I was told it was!Left 6Brown's face.Brown: Stop talking about the war! Let's talk about the NHS... Oh wait, maybe not.Left 7Brown's face.Brown: First you complain about high fuel prices then you complain when I help invade an oil rich country! There's no pleasing some people!Left 8Brown's face.Brown: If you vote for the Tories we'll slip back into the bad old days where you could tell the difference between the parties polices!Left 9A hook slowly appears from the right side and snatches Brown away, leaving a "Place Gordon here" sticker. 
==May 5==
Panel 1Tessa climbs into the car, her rear end hanging out as a sneering giggler grabs onto the door, hooking his claws around it.Panel 2Tessa snarls as she sits up and tries to close the door on the giggler.Panel 3The gigglers pile up around the car as Tessa keeps pulling and Gary timidly waves a hand in a "go away" gesture.Tessa: Let go of the fucking door cock mongler!Gary: Shoo!
==May 6==
Panel 1A giggler lying prone on the ground, somewhat dizzy with a "?" indicating his confusion. The rear of Gary's car is barely in the panel.Gary (off-panel): Okay, you seem to know what's going on! What ARE those things?Panel 2Same as panel 1, but Gary's car is backing up, which the giggler notices with a "!"Tessa (off-panel): DOES IT MATTER? THEY'RE BAD THINGS SO GET MOVING!Panel 3Gary looks out his window with a little less timidness than before as the car backs up with a "CRUNCH!" A bubble from below appears with a skull and crossbones with the eyes Xed out and protruding tongue.Gary: Oh okay! I don't mind running over bad things!
==May 9==
Panel 1Red monochrome overhead view of the gigglers attacking/getting attacked by Gary's car, through Lancelot's eyes.Panel 2Motion zoom view of panel 1.Panel 3Lancelot lands on the roof of Gary's car with a SMASH!, caving it in. Barely visible through the shattered windshield, Gary flinches and Tessa glares upwards. The giggler on Tessa's side of the car sneers and looks up at Lancelot.
==May 10==
Panel 1Lancelot reaches down to Tessa's door with one claw and grasps it with a SMASH! The giggler that was hanging onto the door has vanished. Tessa is barely visible through the smashed windshield as backing away from the door.Panel 2Lancelot pulls the door away with a RIP! Tessa is no longer visible through the windshield.Panel 3Lancelot tries to let go of the door, but it is stuck on his claw as he "SHAKE! SHAKE! SHAKE!"s it. The roof of the car continues to cave in.Lancelot (aside): Aw dammit...Panel 4Close-up of Lancelot as he looks at the door still stuck to his claw.Lancelot (thinking): Man I hate it when I ruin a killer entrance by getting crap stuck on my claws!
==May 11==
The Church of Poisoned Minds
Panel 1Line art comic strip, probably drawn in pen and scanned in with only the text typed in afterward. Al is sitting cross-legged on the floor and drawing (with a "DRAW DRAW") on a lap desk.Caption (Al): Giving out commissions has been a leaning experience for me. One thing I've learned over the course of the last few months is that I depend on digital editing far too much.Panel 2Same as panel 1, but Al now looks angry, and "RUB RUB RUB"s out part of the drawing.Caption (Al): While I draw strips on paper, more then half the work on them is spent in an old hand-me-down version of Photoshop 5. This means any screw ups I make on paper I can easily fix with a few swipes of a Wacom stylus.Panel 3Same as panel 1 but Al stops in the middle of "DRAW DR..."Caption (Al): This has made me lazy and sloppy and it showed when I tried to make do commissions for original artwork. It's been painfully proven to me that I need to practice drawing on paper more and getting it right straight off the bat...Panel 4Al is FURIOUSLY erasing with a "GRRRRR!!! The background is completely filled with "RUB RUB RUB RUB RUB RUB RUB"Caption (Al): And control my temper when I redraw a character for the fifth time because it's the wrong size
==May 12==
Panel 1Lancelot finally dislodges the car door.Lancelot (thinking): Non-stick claws my arse!Lancelot (thinking): Now where was I?Panel 2Lancelot looks down over the edge of the roof, into the car.Panel 3Gary is cowering in his seat, eyes slammed shut and holding an arm over his face in fright. Lancelot peers in at him. Tessa is gone.Gary: "I know what would save money," you thought! "I'll park in a crappy part of town! That will save on the parking fees!"Panel 4Same camera view from panel 2 but zoomed in. Lancelot looks up.Lancelot (thinking): Oh, she buggered off!Gary: "No one would steal this heap and the walk would do you good!" Damn you brain!
==May 13==
Panel 1Lancelot looks up, the full moon behind his face against the houses silhouetted in the background.Lancelot: Lost contact with Mark B. Mark A is secure and swearing at himself. Should I pursue Mark B?Panel 2Lancelot looks down. He is communicating with someone who uses the Oracle's dialogue style.Unknown speaker (transmission): Negative! Has Mark A seen you?Lancelot: I believe not.Unknown speaker (transmission): Then fall all units back and keep it that way!Panel 3Lancelot leaps upward, leaving Gary to snivel in his car.Lancelot: Affirmative!Lancelot (thinking): You old fart!Gary: What was that?AAH! I feel like I've fallen into a bad X-Files episode and can't get out!
==May 16==
Panel 1Close-up of Gary cowering his car, an arm over his eyes as "DRAG! DRAG! DRAG! DRAG!" and "haha hehe" sounds fade into the distance.Panel 2Gary looks up cautiously, opening one eye.Panel 3Front view of Gary sitting in his demolished car, looking off to the left.Gary: Oh, they buggered off!
==May 17==
Panel 1Daytime. Gary is looking downwards with a sky full of clouds behind him.Gary: ...then I pulled out of the alleyway and floored it! I didn't look back and I didn't stop until I got home!Norman (off-panel): Wow! That's fucked up!Gary: No shit! You ready?Norman (off-panel): Yep!Panel 2Norman holds a shotgun, ready to fire as he shouts "PULL!" Gary swings with his golf club with a "TWACK!" as it connects with an object that immediately flies off-panel.Panel 3A clay pigeon explodes as Norman fires the shotgun with a BLAM!Gary (off-panel): Do you think "Chris" has anything to do with this? Nice shot by the way!Norman (off-panel): I try not to think too much Gary. It puts my aim off!
==May 18==
The Church of Poisoned Minds
Panel 1Line art comic. Al is smiling into the camera and raising a finger.Al: In today's queen's speech there was a mention against anti-social behaviour.Panel 2Al makes a hand steeple (common hand gesture of Mr. Burns) and gives a toothy sneer.Al: Also there was news that shopping centres were banning gangs in hoddies and caps. In other words, banning chavs!Al (aside): I think we can take it a step further!Panel 3A generic chav with a hoodie over his head is running toward a point to the right and behind the camera as two angry dogs chase him, one of the dogs biting into his arm. The chav screams "AAAAAAAHHH!" at the attack.Caption (Al): Bring in "Chav Hunting" to replace fox hunting! I'd know I'd pay to watch a burberry clad cunt be ripped apart by dogs!
==May 19==
Panel 1Sticks, topless but concerned, is giving Tessa a shoulder massage. Tessa is wearing a plain V-neck shirt and staring blankly.Sticks: Don't you think you should have told the others about what that thing told you? It's sounds important to me!Tessa: Yeah I know...Panel 2The camera angle rotates to slightly behind Sticks.Tessa: I just need to get it straight in my own head before I tell the others Sticks.Tessa: For one I'm not comfortable with the idea that I'm being used as a plaything for a bored AI.Panel 3Same view as panel 1, but now Tessa and Sticks are looking at each other mischievously.Sticks: Now that's a surprise to me! I could have sworn you got off on it!Tessa: With you, THAT is different and you know it!
==May 20==
Page 1A long sheet of faintly lined paper with fingerprints/coffee stains? on it. The text is plain sans-serif type with odd spacing issues between certain letters.The Collective of Anarchist States: An overviewThe Collective of Anarchist States, or CAS for short, has to have one of the oddest political systems of all time. In fact mentioning that the CAS has a political system at all will anger most CAS citizens, but there is undeniably one present. The CAS is a meritocracy in one of it's most acme forms and any attempt to gain a position in power via political ends (or as the CAS founder, Norman Gates put it: "being devious little arse kissers") is met with extreme prejudice.What makes the CAS even stranger is that these positions of power, officially at least, have no power attached to them. The advisors, like the title suggests, can only "advise" underlings in their particular field. Of course it's usually in the underlings interest to take the "advice" if they know what's good for them. However they can become an advisor themselves by not taking said advice and doing what they feel best. If it works and the task is high profile enough, then they can move up the unofficial career ladder, often ousting their former "boss" who then find themselves "back on the floor" taking directions from someone that was once below them.This environment leads to high levels of stress in the "ruling" classes as their position is always under constant threat. This has caused a few advisors to hold or advance their positions using political means such as a smear campaign on a rival. After Black April and the collapse of society, the CAS have an intense loathing of such tactics that destroyed the known world and will carry out capital punishments on anyone so much as suspected of doing so.Due to the levels of stress put on advisors, only the most gifted and driven survive. You underestimate a high-ranking advisor at your peril.There are no elections or political parties in the CAS system, just the meritocracy. The "First Advisor" would have worked their way from bottom just like all the others before them and proved themselves worthy of the title. A title which is in fact, honouree. Their true title is "Acting First Advisor." The only true "First Advisor" was the CAS founder, Norman Gate, who still retains his title although being long dead.This system is used for almost all aspects of management except for the military, which follows more standard hierarchy. The "Volunteer Force" is however a rather haphazard organisation due to their members political beliefs and their reluctance to take orders. Hence its heavy reliance on AI controlled military automations such as the Inlays (a popular, and rather creepy looking range of fighting machines originally designed by the US military but later highjacked by the CAS). However, the perks involved given to those who serve with the Volunteer Force are usually enough of an incentive to maintain at least the appearance of discipline.It appears that the only thing keeping the CAS system together is the reliance on the AI going by the name of "The Oracle." This AI has unprecedented control over many aspects of life in the CAS and is unequalled in size and intelligence in the world today. Nobody is quite sure about the origins of the Oracle. Theories range from an old MoD computer that has been improved over many years to that it was built by space aliens. Whoever built the Oracle that "big brother" nature of this AI over matters such as law and order seem to be lost on the population of the CAS.
The legal system is also interesting. Again stating one even exists will anger anyone from the CAS and again there is one is you look hard enough. The notion of "The Two Laws" are an obvious fudge. The first law states: "You my not by action or inaction, profit at another's member's expense." The second law states: "The are no more laws!" Of course these two laws are deliberately vague. The first law can apply to anything from murder to theft to pretty vandalism and the second law doesn't say that the first law can have sub-sections. Interpreting these laws is the responsibility of the Oracle and high advisors.
Page 2A shorter page than page 1, with some reddening at the top, but otherwise following the same format.There are also "advisories". These are laws and rules that you don't HAVE to follow, but it's a good idea that you do. While it's not against the law to play on the railway, it's advised that you don't because being run over by trains tends to be bad for your health. It is an interesting piece of social engineering because when people are told not to do something, they want to do it, no matter how stupid and dangerous it is. Being just told "you can but it's not a good idea" seems to be more affective. This is because a lot of people are quite stupid.Economically the CAS is essentially capitalist. The CAS have no problems with individuals making money, but IS opposed to the money being used to gain power. You can buy the biggest house and the fastest skimmer in your street, but you can not buy shares in a company. To gain control of a company you have to start from the bottom and become an advisor.The CAS is open to trade but to those that do have to be pretty sharp. The first law does NOT apply to those outside of the CAS and it's almost encouraged to rob outsiders. This is why you always ask for cash up front whenever dealing with them. However as the CAS is one of the systems largest factions there is money to be made if you're sharp enough.The entire populace of the CAS are (officially at least) agnostic. Unofficially you can have any belief you like. However, trying to inflict your beliefs onto others invokes the first law and is severely punished! This has come about due to Norman Gates' beliefs (who ironically they practically worship) against organised religion. He had nothing against religion per se, just ORGANISED religion. He saw it all as laws and laws are bad. However, he never discounted the fact there my or my not be a god and was agnostic himself.The CAS became so large not by military conquest by almost by default. After Black April many states descended into anarchy and thus automatically became part of the CAS. This lead to the brake up of the United States into divided nations with most of the left wing states along the shores siding with the anarchists.
Due to their nature the CAS don't directly attack others but often antagonise opponents into attacking them before they launch an all out assault. The CAS rarely occupies land where it's not already welcome, but instead employs a burnt earth policy to cripple and humiliate opponents. A propaganda campaign is then started on the people of the defeated foe, spouting the benefits of joining the CAS. If it works then they roll in and take control of that area.
==May 23==
Flash Animation (backup)Digital tablet with a "POWER" button at the top left, the Random Power icon in the lower left, and an interactive "left" and "right" arrow at the bottom center. Left goes to the previos page, right goes to the next page. Text is light blue on a black background.Page 1To Advisor Jonathan Andrews. Advisory to be for your eyes only.Congratulations on your appointment to Deputy Liaison Advisor Mr Andrews. In this your first assignment you will be accompanying Advisor Krutz into Maytec held territory to negotiate a bulk order of coil guns. This is not a critical mission as we have enough armaments to protect our lines, but it is always favourable to have an excess of such weapons. As such, this is a perfect learning experience for you to go out "in the field" as it were. However do not take this assessment lightly, as you will be assessed by your performance.As this is your first outing into Maytec held territory we advise you to always follow Advisor Krutz's lead. He has many years of experience with the consortium and it would be wise for you to follow his advice. Your predecessor did not take this advice and the consortium still refuses to release his body due to a number of "security protocols."Page 2Remember that this will be a culture shock for you. The grotesque displays of capitalism shown in consortium held areas can turn even the strongest stomach and can also catch out the weary. Remember almost every item is designed to milk money out of you. Don't use or touch ANYTHING without clearing it with Advisor Krutz first. For example you will be charged for using public seating, toilets and even street lighting. We will not be pleased if we receive an unnecessarily large bill for elevator usage.What follows is a quick summery of the three contacts you are likely to meet. Maytec high office will most likely send one of these three members of the consortium. They are unlikely to send some flunky to deal with Advisor Krutz and as these three have had dealings with him before and they are in the area so they are the most likely contacts. You can download more detailed descriptions of each of them to your PDA at your leisure.Page 3"ID" photo of Julie, a yellow-orange feline, preceding the text.Name: Julie WatermanAge: UnknownPosition: Board memberDescription: Mrs Waterman is the wife of Maytec's CEO, Henry Waterman and is the most likely member you will meet. This is preferred, as she is the most sympathetic to our cause (as sympathetic as these capitalist vermin can get at least) and is by far the friendliest. In fact we know she has a "thing" for young vulpines such as yourself, so you might what to try to strike a "private" deal with her later to move things along. However if she's not your type then we suggest just flirting with her.Page 4Photo of Julie from the previous page precedes the text.Little more is know about Mrs Waterman, not even her age as she has taken great pains to cover these details up. However just by her dealings with us before in the past we can deduce that she's at least 56 years old and probably older. The fact she looks barely out of her 20's suggests a vast amount of money spent on the latest life prolonging implants. Just because she a body the same age as yours, don't assume she shares your inexperience.Page 5"ID" photo of Dwight, a brown rat, preceding the text.Name Dwight GarnerAge: 56 (extensive anti-ageing techniques used again)Position: Board memberDescription: Dwight Garner is a Texan, a far right Christian and a complete arsehole. You are very unlikely to meet because of this. Unliked by almost everyone on the consortium board you will only meet him if there is no one else available because of his extraordinarily lack of negation skills. Also due to his resentment towards the CAS, it is unlikely you will get anywhere with Mr Garner.Page 6Photo of Dwight from the previous page precedes the text.The man seems impervious to logic or reason and he often likes to harp on how we nuked his beloved country flat, but conveniently forgets they fired on us first. Also he is too stubborn to admit their defence system was worthless while ours was not. He always states that we "sabotaged the system", never admitting it just didn't work and never did. If you do meet him, try not to try to kill him no matter how annoying he gets. This is because he's always escorted by a large contingent of bodyguards that might get upset if you do.Page 7"ID" photo of Cook preceding the text.Name: Dr Jeremiah CookAge: UnknownPosition: Board member and Head of development.Description: Just calling Dr Gook a genius is a grotesque understatement. His knowledge of quantum physics is phenomenal and because of his stunning work on developing gravity based weapons he is actually considered to be a real threat to us. Fortunately for us they have yet to find a practical use for these weapons and fortunately for you his negotiation skills hardly match his mastery of pan-dimensional physics.Page 8Photo of Cook from the previous page precedes the text.However you are unlikely to meet Dr Cook due to the fact he is one of the few board members that actually gets his hands dirty. He likes to oversee his projects personally and spends very little time in the boardroom or anywhere else for that matter. If you do meet him it will be in his lab because he won't bother to leave it. In fact he has little interest for matters outside his projects and this could be exploited. He will probably agree to any terms put to him just to get rid of you.Page 9Photo of Cook from the previous pages precedes the text.However, when in his lab we advise you to NOT TOUCH ANYTHING! This cannot be stressed enough. Your ill-fated predecessor discovered first hand how dangerous the items in Dr Cook's lab could be. It is believed that they won't realise his body because they couldn't find enough of it to send back.Page 10Photo of Cook from the previous pages precedes the text.Also remember to address Dr Cook as "The Doctor" or simply "Doc". The man seems to have a deeply entrenched hatred of his name. The fact he is a French Canadian with a name like Jeremiah and his loathing of it suggests an interesting history. However little more is known about the doctor due to his high worth to the consortium. Most of his records have been destroyed to prevent hostage taking of family members and he himself is heavily guarded.END OF TRANSMISSION
==May 24==
Flash Animation (backup)Computer screen with a simple interface. MAYTEC appears in the upper left, next to an envelope icon, a satellite dish icon, and a landline phone receiver icon. [Clicking the phone icon plays a clip of "Are you my mummy?" from Doctor Who.] On the far right is a letter M within a circle. At the bottom right is a right arrow to advance to the next page. [Subsequent pages include the left arrow to return to the previous page.] The center area displays text and, where applicable, photos.Page 1Casual photo of Julie.Personal Diary of Julie Waterman.June 14thI met with Advisor Krutz today of the CAS for lunch before tomorrows negotiations. The sneaky old bastard was after a load of coil cannons, probably to be mounted on Inlay Rooks given the configuration he gave me. Krutz said they where for immobile defences, but I've got a rook in my collection and I knew he was bullshitting me given the mounting design they want. Cheeky bastard! He should know I know my robots!Panel 2No photos. Left arrow now active in the lower right corner.Normally I would have said no to the lying sack of shit, but he brought a bargaining chip with him. A fox called Jonathan with the cutest ass I've seen in my life! God dammit! How did he KNOW about that? I've really got to review security around here again, I really have! I would get that prick Dwight to do it, but if information about my sexual preferences is leaking to the CAS, I should handle this personally.Page 3Text only.I could buy some time with a guy with the body of a Greek god but that's not the point. Where's the fun in that? The fact I shouldn't want Jonathan makes me want him even more. However there is a really good reason why I shouldn't. The Core would be extremely upset if we sell any more weapons to the CAS and they are by far our biggest customers. Do I really want to jeopardise any future deals with the Core just for a night with a guy? Admittedly a REALLY cute guy that could crack walnuts with his buttocks, but I digress. After the Babel tower incident we're lucky not to be watching a full-scale war! Sure a war would be profitable in the short term but nobody wins when both sides run out of money. Not only that, Dwight will get all self righteous about it and I'm really not in the mood for another one of his sermons.Page 4Bah! I wish I hadn't lost that modified ST1-X in that poker game. I could have had that android fuck my brains out and I wouldn't be so damn horny! He was a one of a kind and I threw him away for a chance to get hold of a CAS loader. That was fucking stupid because they'll never make another one like him! Sure I could use the VR suite, but nothing beats the "real" thing if you know what I mean. Damn that jarhead! I swear that bitch was cheating!Page 5I would get the doctor to see the advisors instead but he's busy with that new toy of his. God only knows what that thing is because its code black 3 secure. Not even Henry will tell me what the hell that thing is. To be honest I don't think he even knows himself. Anyway I don't think anyone from the CAS will be in a hurry to meet the doctor. Not after what happened the last time anyway. Did they ever find that poor bastard's body? Apparently that Jules Verne guy followed Krutz thought the doctor's lab and just vanished into thin air!I could send Dwight to see them...HAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh I crack myself up sometimes!Page 6I suppose I could get one of the plebes to meet them but Krutz would eat them alive and I'd still get the blame for it! No, I'll have to meet them and keep myself in check. Maybe a trip to the gym or the pool will help. Sure I never need to exercise any more, and for the amount I've paid for these implants I better not, but I find working out helps me to unwind.Page 7June 15thThe meeting was torture as I expected. Krutz's cute assistant was there and all I could think about was him. Luckily Krutz's opening proposal was so ludicrous it took my mind off Jonathan. Okay, I want to go down on that fox so badly it hurts, but that offer just insulted my intelligence.Page 8I really laid into Krutz then. The gloves were off at that point and I really caught that smug little asshole unawares! I didn't give him an inch to work with and in the end he ended up with nothing. HA! I made Krutz look like an amateur and I got it on tape as well! Good thing it fell through because we really can't afford to lose the Core deals over this. As for Jonathan, well I guess you win some and you lose some. However I know he loved watching his boss getting taken down a peg or two!Page 9June 16thThis is the reason I'm cancelling all my appointments today:FILE ATTACHED[photo of Jonathan in bed, topless and sheet pulled up to his ribs, smirking at the camera and raising an eyebrow]Page 10Right navigation arrow disabled.Officially I'm "re-entering talks with the CAS" which is technically true. Possibly with more emphasis on the re-entering then the talking but that's splitting hairs. Not that we've not been talking business. Advisor Andrews has taken a keen interest in acquiring a copy of the recording of the meeting yesterday to put in his report. Gee I wonder why a junior advisor would want a recording of his senior getting his ass handed to him?I can see this boy going far, and after the night he gave me I'm not adverse to giving him a slight helping hand. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got the rest of the payment to collect! He should cover the bill easily because he does have some nice assets on him!
==May 25==
Flash Animation (backup)Computer screen with a simple interface. MAYTEC appears in the upper left, next to an envelope icon, a satellite dish icon, and a landline phone receiver icon. [Clicking the phone icon plays a "phone disconnected" sound.] Next to these symbols is a text area readingIN-BOX: Dwight Garner23455697 Unread messagesOn the far right is a letter M within a circle. At the bottom right is a blank area where the previous day's animation had "left" and "right" arrow navigation. Clicking an e-mail will go to that message, where the navigation will then include the left arrow to return to the previous page. [Clicking the envelope icon will also return to the previous page.] The center area displays a series of e-mail subject lines and the according sender for each.E-mail lines
SUBJECT: 	SENDER:
U R A FAGGOT 	FAG@FAG.FAG
U R A FAGGOT 	FAG@FAG.FAG
U R A FAGGOT 	FAG@FAG.FAG
U R A FAGGOT 	FAG@FAG.FAG
U R A FAGGOT 	FAG@FAG.FAG
Email Attack 	System Admin
U R A FAGGOT 	FAG@FAG.FAG
U R A FAGGOT 	FAG@FAG.FAG
U R A FAGGOT 	FAG@FAG.FAG
The China Deal	Board Member Julie Waterman
U R A FAGGOT 	FAG@FAG.FAG
U R A FAGGOT 	FAG@FAG.FAG
U R A FAGGOT 	FAG@FAG.FAG
U R A FAGGOT 	FAG@FAG.FAG
U R A FAGGOT 	FAG@FAG.FAG
Apology 	The Doctor
U R A FAGGOT 	FAG@FAG.FAG
U R A FAGGOT 	FAG@FAG.FAG
U R A FAGGOTBlinking red text on a white background alternating with white text on a red background, reading "YOU ARE A FAGGOT!" in large letters.Email AttackTo: Board Member Dwight GarnerFrom: System AdminSubject: Email AttackI'm sorry sir but unfortunately we are unable to trace the source of the spam filling your inbox due to the lack of time and manpower. If you hadn't fired half the network team we could have responded to your request but as it is we barely have enough bodies to keep the E-mail system running at all.- Randal Harrison, System AdminThe China DealTo: Board Member Dwight GarnerFrom: Board Member Julie WatermanSubject: The China DealSomething has come up today that requires my undivided attention so I need you to close the China deal for me. Normally I won't trust you to do this but this is a big and hard problem that needs my immediate attention. The deal is all done and dusted and all that is needed is your and his signature. All you need to do is write your name down and KEEP YOUR FUCKING MOUTH SHUT ABOUT COMMUNISM! You fuck this up and there will be hell to pay! You hear me?ApologyTo: Board Member Dwight GarnerFrom: The DoctorSubject: ApologyHenry said I was out of line for calling you a "creationist fuck-wit" due to the Maytec code of conduct. It clearly states that no member can make remarks about anyone's believes, no matter how stupid and wrong they are.So I apologise you inbred, slack jawed, pig fucking, knuckle dragging, nephew humping, redneck retard!-Doc
==May 26==
Flash Animation (backup)Computer screen with a simple interface. MAYTEC appears in the upper left, next to an envelope icon, a satellite dish icon, and a landline phone receiver icon. [Clicking the phone icon plays a "phone disconnected" sound.] Next to these symbols is a text area readingIN-BOX: Henry Waterman7 Unread messagesOn the far right is a blinking letter M within a circle. At the bottom right is a blank area where the 24th's animation had "left" and "right" arrow navigation. Clicking an e-mail will go to that message, where the navigation will then include the left arrow to return to the previous page. [Clicking the envelope icon will also return to the previous page.] Clicking the satellite dish will go to a separate page for a "live stream" behind a code. Clicking the blinking M shows a "sent" e-mail. The center area displays a series of e-mail subject lines and the according sender for each.E-mail lines
SUBJECT: 	SENDER:
THANK YOU! 	Julie Waterman
Airlocks 	Mars Admin
Re: A word 	Julie Waterman
Re: A word 	Julie Waterman
THOSE BASTARDS IN SYSTEM ADMIN!	Board Member Dwight Garner
Automatic Date Notification 	Auto Calendar
Re: The Report 	The Doctor
THANK YOU!To: Henry WatermanFrom: Julie WatermanSubject: THANK YOU!THANK YOU! The interference you caused has given me a few days to myself. They are all running around like headless chickens trying to create the reports you ordered that almost all of my meetings got cancelled without me lifting a finger! All but one that is. I had to send Dwight to close the China deal. Yeah, I know. Can you keep an eye on him for me?Oh and I know I keep asking this but when are you coming back to Earth dear? I don't like you being off world for so long! It's not healthy and I miss you terribly!AirlocksTo: All Maytec 1 base residenceFrom: Mars AdminSubject: Airlocks.It has come to our attention that certain individuals have been avoiding their waste fees by throwing domestic waste out of the north facing airlocks. This is an illegal and highly dangerous practice and anyone caught going this will be heavily reprimandedI****Advertisement****Thirsty? Got a headache? Then why not try our new "Cola and Codeine!" Available from any Maytec food outlet.Re: A wordTo: Henry WatermanFrom: Julie WatermanSubject: Re: A word>Julie, make sure Jonathan reads this: As you already know my wife and>I have an open relationship due to the long periods of time we are>away from each other. However this does not mean I don't love my>wife. Mistreat her in any way and you'll never see another morning>Mark my words! I don't want to ruin your fun or anything but I have>to say it.Henry that was uncalled for! You'll scare the poor boy!Re: A wordTo: Henry WatermanFrom: Julie WatermanSubject: Re: A word> Julie, make sure Jonathan reads this:Jonathan here Mr Waterman. Julie thinks you're being unreasonable but I can understand your apprehension. We anarchists have a bad (if undeserved) reputation and you love your wife and worry about her. I can assure you that sharing the wife of one of the most powerful men in the system is not something I take lightly and may I also mention how lucky you are to have her.-Advisor Jonathan AndrewsTHOSE BASTARDS IN SYSTEM ADMIN!To: Henry WatermanFrom: Board Member Dwight GarnerSubject: THOSE BASTARDS IN SYSTEM ADMIN!Henry, I KNOW it's those bastards in system administration that are sending all that obscene material to my inbox! It started just after I downsized some of the dead wood in there! Do they think I'm too stupid to make that connection? You should see what they have been flooding my email with as it's truly disgusting and easily grounds for dismissal. I can't prove anything because it's their job to find spammers and they won't incriminate themselves will they? I'm going to order some independent help but I want to use the IT account to fund it. That'll show them, but I need your consent to access the account!
Automatic Date NotificationTo: Henry WatermanFrom: Auto CalendarSubject: Automatic Date NotificationThis is your important date calendar reminding you that:Your anniversaryIs in 7 days time (22/06)Re: The ReportTo: Henry WatermanFrom: The DoctorSubject: Re: The ReportBLACK 3 ENCODED. TOP SECRET.>It's very good doc, but even I found it heavy reading. Can you tone>it down a little so the rest of the board can understand it? Try to>imagine you talking to a small and rather slow child.Merde! Do you know how long I spent on that thing? Now you're asking me to write "Time Machines for Dummies" in a day? *sigh* I'll see what I can do. Just keep that redneck cul out of my way! The con keeps trying to find out why I'm getting a much larger budget then him and his stuff keep irritating mine!Circle MTo: Julie WatermanFrom: Henry WatermanSubject: I'm coming home!You know Julie, I think you're right. I should get the hell off this rock! Being stuck inside of this base all day, every day, is making me go funny in the head! That and the pictures, films and live streams you keep teasing me with makes me miss you terribly. I'm going to get the first ship back to Earth and I don't care what type it is. If I have to slum it on a cargo ship then so be it.Sadly I will still miss our anniversary of course, but I'll make it up to you, I promise!(next page)Oh and you did the right thing letting that CAS deal fall though. We can't be seen to be dealing with them for a while. Not after the Core found out we helped them build that monstrosity of theirs. They still think we knew what the hell we were bilding for them! How the hell could we? We have no idea how they got that thing to work now let alone before they built that damn tower. If our eggheads hadn't seen that thing fire they would have said it was impossible.To cool the Core down a bit I leaked them the plans for the parts the CAS ordered. I'm sure they'll have even less of a clue to how that thing worked. However the doc believes those giant prisms were part of the "Hand of God" satellite. The idea we helped them build that fucking thing gives me the chills. I know we sell weapons and they kill people but THAT thing was too much.(next page)Which is another reason why I'm not that keen on Jonathan. I can see you like him so I'll leave it at that. At least I hope you're using the opportunity to pump him for information (pardon the pun). I doubt he'll be as loss-lipped as that Core rep you like, but anything you can get out him might prove useful. If he doesn't trust you yet there will be other times. He clearly enjoys Maytec hospitality and I'm no doubt we be seeing him again.Pay nice in the meantime and I'll see you soon!-Henrylive streamText field next to a keypad with the digits 0-9 in telephone keypad order, within the same active area for the e-mails. On the left screen is the messageINCOMING LIFE ENCRYPTED INTERPLANETARY STREAMFROM:Julie WatermanENTER PIN TO CONNECT AND DECODEThe code is the anniversary from the Automatic Date Notification (DDMM order). Entering digits displays one "X" per digit, up to the 3rd digit. Entering a wrong code resets the keypad to the starting position. After entering the correct code, the message blinks three times on right side of screen:ESTABLISHING UPLINK"Live" feed starts in the right screen: Jonathan having sex with Julie, Jonathan standing upright as Julie leans on her side, one breast visible in the feed, the camera cutting off below Jonathan's waist. Message on the left screen:Greetings from Earth!Wish you were here!Your loving wife,Julie.After ~26 "thrusts": Feed disconnects, replaced by the right screen messageUPLINK DISCONNECTED
==May 27==
Filler ComicWhite text on a black background."Politicians want us to believe that they are our servants. HA! If that were true they would do what the people say instead of ignoring us and doing what profits them. Well it's time this changed! If they want to be our servants then so be it! BY THE END OF THIS DAY THEY WILL BE SCRUBBING OUR FLOORS AND POLISHING OUR BOOTS!"-Norman Gates addresses the mob outside the Houses of Parliament.Footnote(Sorry for this half arsed update. I felt like crap today and these Flash things take forever to make and the full concentration that I don't have. The Maytec story concludes Monday)
==May 30==
Flash Animation (backup)Computer screen with a simple interface. MAYTEC appears in the upper left, next to an envelope icon, a satellite dish icon, and a landline phone receiver icon. [Clicking the phone icon plays a "phone disconnected" sound.] Next to these symbols is a text area readingIN-BOX: Henry Waterman5 Unread messagesOn the far right is a letter M within a circle. At the bottom right is a blank area where the 24th's animation had "left" and "right" arrow navigation. Clicking an e-mail will go to that message, where the navigation will then include the left arrow to return to the previous page. [Clicking the envelope icon will also return to the previous page.] Clicking the satellite dish will go to a separate page for a "live stream" behind a code. The center area displays a series of e-mail subject lines and the according sender for each.E-mail lines
SUBJECT: 	SENDER:
The Report 	The Doctor
Got you a ship 	Tim Begly
:D 	Julie Waterman
Re: Stop the emails	The Doctor
Reminder 	System Admin
The ReportTo: Henry WatermanFrom: The DoctorSubject: THANK YOU!this seems to be a miss from recycling the prior animationBLACK 3 ENCODED. TOP SECRET.Here's the report for the board you asked for Henry. I've not had time to check my grammar and spelling and I'm sure you wouldn't want me to have my secretary read this so apologies in advice for my lack of English skills mes ami.FILE ATTACHEDCLICK TO OPENIn the bottom center of the e-mail is a text document icon with the filename SmallTGMreport.doc that, when clicked, goes to a "new" file:Okay, this is an extremely watered down explanation of how the Timespace Gravitational Manipulator works. If you have the IQ higher then a brain damaged gnat, you might want to ask me for the full report on the device instead of this one designed so that someone as stupid as Dwight can "get the gist of it".The Timespace Gravitational Manipulator, or TGM, was the unlikely by-product of our attempts to produce gravity-based weapons to be used on larger battle cruisers. However the computer processing power required to use the TGM as an aggressive weapon made this application impossible. However a number of strange, and sometimes fatal anomalies that manifested around the TGM opened out minds up to the possibilities of using the TGM for time travel and instant, faster the light travel.(next page)Yes you read that right and no I haven't finally flipped. Due to these accidents we've determined that time travel is not only theoretically possible, but physically possible using the TGM.Now comes the tricky bit of trying to explain how this is possible without going too deeply into 11th dimensional physics and membrane theory.Consider there are other dimensions other then our own. Forget the science fiction idea of dimension similar to ours but where Hitler won the Second World War or a dimension just like ours only entirely populated by hairless monkeys. Instead imagine different dimensions where the laws of physics are fundamentally different.(next page)In this dimension it takes a large amount of mass and energy to create a spacetime anomaly (a black hole to the uneducated) due to the fact that force of gravity in this dimension is quite low and the speed of light is quite high. To create our own spacetime anomaly in this dimension would require energy not only physically possible to generate and of course would be instantly fatal even if it was.The TGM uses a spacetime anomaly to manipulate time and space around it so how did we accomplish this? If you have been following along the solution is obvious. We create the anomaly in a different dimension where gravity is far greater and the speed of light is much slower! What does the speed of light have to do with this you ask? Well for those who spent their school years being taught bullshit from some book that has little or no relevance to the real world because science is "the devil's work" or some shit, the speed of light is key.(next page)According to the theory of relativity (btw, even though it is called a "theory" Dwight, it doesn't mean a little fuck-wit like you can argue with it) nothing can travel faster then the speed of light. When you add energy to a mass it'll accelerate until the light barrier. When you approach the speed of light, if you add more energy the mass will not go any faster but will in fact, gain mass.(next page)So if you accelerate an atom to the speed of light and then keep accelerating, it is theoretically possible to generate the same amount of mass and gravity of a sun from that one atom, even in this dimension. However if this was done inside a dimension where gravity is thousands of times stronger and the speed of light is little more then 26 meter per second (about 60mph) instead of 299,792,458 m/s, then the power requirements to obtain this are considerably more feasible. Also because the spacetime anomaly is in another dimension, it won't crush the entire planet into the size of a pea, which is also a bonus.(next page)This is the fundamental principle of the TGM. The core of the TGM does not exist in this universe. Using a concentrated electromagnetic field to create our own tiny universe outside of but next to our own and insert a single gold atom. So we had our own small universe with one lonely atom in it that's close enough to our own to influence our dimension. We used intense electromagnetism to accelerate this gold atom to the extra slow speed of light in this new universe and then proceeded to put more energy into the atom to increase it's mass until it crated a spacetime anomaly, which wasn't long because of the high gravity. We've been at this stage for many years now but we have been unable to use or control this awesome power. The breakthrough has come in the four "Frame Draggers" that encircle the TGM.(next page)On the right of the text is a crude drawing of a quadrisected sphere, surrounded by pyramid shapes.The frame draggers are hard to explain in layman's terms. They reside between his universe and the micro universe within the TGM. They are physically within this universe but are influenced by the swirling vortex of timespace frames around the anomaly within the micro universe. This causes them to appear to magically float in space around the sphere of the TGM core.(next page)On the right of the text is the graphic from the prior page.By moving the draggers within this universe we can control the timespace distortion from the micro universe and use it to manipulate timespace in this universe. doing this means that we can move matter to anywhere and anyWHEN. At first we didn't believe we had enough power or control over the micro universe to do this and investigated the weapon applications out the TGM.(next page)We had planned to use the timespace distortions to rip apart and rearrange matter within a target. You could theoretically disable any machinery within a structure or ship without damaging the outside. however this was abandoned when we calculated that to fire it safely the latest computers would take two mouths to calculate the correct frame dragger patterns. Two months is rather a long time to expect a target to stay perfectly still. It even couldn't be used on solid structures on Earth because they move with the planet itself. Also two TGMs close to each other would disrupt both systems so a TGM weapon could be countered, so another use for the TGM was sought.(next page)The time travel aspect was explored after a number of strange occurrences around the prototype of the TGM. Small items had been disappearing and reappearing for months but this was dismissed as unfuny practical jokes. The first proven incident involved Marc Case's PDA turning up in lost property when in fact, he had never misplaced it. Of course isn't almost impossible to forge a Maytec PDA ID so the clone in lost property was sent to System Admin for an investigation. Not only did the clone PDA maych Mark Case's PDA, dent for dent, mark for mark, the small fact that there where files on the PDA dated almost two weeks in advance. Even the system files.(next page)As you all know the file times on all Maytec PDAs and personal computers are synchronised and tamper proofed to prevent fraudulent actions or claims. While the clock on this PDA had re-synchronised with MT time the file times were not. System admin of course launched an investigation to try to hunt down a hacker. Suspecting different we had a hard time stopping System Admin snooping around the TGM lab and getting the clone PDA back.We pulled the cache files from the clone PDA relating to world events. In particular the stock market news and for the next week watched the business ticker very carefully. For the first few days the results where spot on. What happened was foretold by the clone PDA, and a certain member of your research team managed in that time to acquire enough money and Maytec shares to become a board member.(next page)Below the text is a crude scribble of Cook's face looking smug.Well when life gives you lemons... You might consider that cheating, but considering how most of you lot got your seats on the board I'm not going to lose any sleep about it.(next page)However by our very actions we had changed the fugure. The "butterfly effect" meant the by the end of the week the information on the clone PDA was useless, but it had already proved that it had been moved through time by the TGM, even though it was on tick-over power. This meant it was possible to propel objects through time for the fraction of the power we previously thought was needed.(next page)Also there was another interesting aspect to this episode. Mark Case never did lose his PDA as we kept it locked in a safe away from the TGM for an experiment into paradoxes. We still have the clone PDA. Of course this was expected. Even tho the PDA was never sent back in time we still have it's time travelling twin due to a fundamental law of physics. Matter can not be created or, more importantly, destroyed. It can only converted. Even if you blow something up the same amount of matter exists, just in another form. Just because the PDA was never sent back in time it means that the clone wasn't going to go "poof" and vanish like in science fiction movies.(next page)However paradoxes are still a problem. Not in the realms of physics but in our heads. Our minds are simply not designed to handle them. Also there's a simple fact of knowledge. Causing a paradox means that what you knew was going to happen won't any more, which is of course throwing away an unparalleled advantage.(next page)On the right of the text is a schematic of the Wildfire.Ever since we have been working on the second prototype. We are retrofitting the phoenix class fast ship "Wildfire" with a TGM and we are at an advanced stage. We are planning to test the Wildfire in the outer reaches of the system sometime soon. We are not planing to take the Wildfire TGM to full power close to anywhere populated due to a number of unfortunate events surrounding tests with the original TGM prototype. Recently with that CAS diplomat going missing and I believe everyone will remember the socks incident.(next page)On the right of the text is a sock.Whatever story you were told about the latter was false. What really happened while creating a new micro dimension we bumped into another occupied universe. A universe apparently filled with odd socks! We believed that these socks came from this universe and fell into the universe we bumped into by means of old washing machines and tumble dryers. These older devices used to use an electric motor to propel the drum.(next page)On the right of the text is the sock from the prior page, in a different position.We think the electromagnetic fields from the motors and the status in the clothes where enough to propel the smaller items of clothing to another universe. Encountering this universe resulted in 54 members in the accounting to be crushed to death or drown when several thousand tonnes of lost footwear materialised in the accounting block.(next page)On the right of the text is the schematic of the Wildfire from earlier.For this reason, we will be powering up the Wildfire well outside populated areas. We are currently looking at a Core platform in orbit around Uranus as a possible test site. Despite our soured relations with the Core at the moment I believe we can talk them into letting us use E11 as a base of operations.
Got you a shipTo: Henry WatermanFrom: Tim BeglySubject: Got you a shipGood new sir! While there are no secluded flights to Earth for a couple of months there is a phoenix II shuttle open for charter. While cramped you won't find a faster way to get across the system. Besides you'll be frozen for most of the trip so I doubt the less then first class travel will bother you too much sir. Meet me in bay 3 at 6:30 and we'll get you on your way.-Tim Begly, Harbour Master
:DTo: Henry WatermanFrom: Julie WatermanSubject: :DYou don't know how glad I am to hear you're coming home! I can't wait to see you again! No really, I can't as my toy is heading back to London now ;) I gave him the recording of the meeting as he deserved it, but I think I could have had him without it. That poor boy was pent-up something dreadful which is odd considering he's such a looker. Apparently this was the first time his been with a feline and he was a little apperceive at first but when he got into the swing of things… Hehe, lets just say I didn't get much chance to question him. Why do I get the feeling someone knew Jonathan had a taste for kitties before even he did? It's almost a creepy as them knowing I have a thing for vulpines. Humm. Anyway, talk to you later.
Re:Stop the emailsTo: Henry WatermanFrom: The DoctorSubject: Re:Stop the emails>Doc, I want you to stop flooding Dwight's inbox. I know it's you>because I asked the system admin guys to look into it. Nobody likes>him doc, but everyone else can live with him so why can't you?Sorry Henry, he just gets me so angry sometimes. That and it's as funny as hell to watch when he's angry. When he's mad turns bright red like a tomato and I can't help but laugh!
ReminderTo: AllFrom: System AdminSubject: ReminderJust a reminder to all members not to use dates as PIN numbers and not to open any unsigned streams.
live streamText field next to a keypad with the digits 0-9 in telephone keypad order, within the same active area for the e-mails. On the left screen is the messageINCOMING LIFE ENCRYPTED INTERPLANETARY STREAMFROM:The BeastENTER PIN TO CONNECT AND DECODEThe code is the number of the beast. Entering digits displays one "X" per digit, up to the 2nd digit. Entering a wrong code resets the keypad to the starting position. After entering the correct code, the message blinks three times on right side of screen:ESTABLISHING UPLINK"Live" feed starts in the right screen: Looping noise with some kind of white. Message on the left screen:One, two buckle my shoe. The man with the clipboard is coming for you!Three, four knock at the door. He's going to show you things you've never seen before!After ~16 seconds: Feed disconnects, replaced by the right screen messageUPLINK DISCONNECTED
==May 31==
Panel 1Kingston is sitting on the couch and smoking, looking up at Richard, who is standing behind the couch and looking at a paper in his hand.Richard: If you haven't noticed the new wheelie bin outside; the council want us to recycle all the crap on this list and you got to make an effort because they'll fine us if we don't!Panel 2Kingston gestures at Richard to show his annoyance. Richard rolls his eyes in response.Kingston: Hey! You know I ALWAYS make an effort to recycle so why are you having a go at me for?Richard: Yes, but I don't think the council care for your ability to recycle drink bottles and beer cans into bongs when you can't be arsed to move!
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