Union Busting

Union Busting is the eleventh episode of season five, and the fifty-third episode overall, of No Malarkey in Bikini Bottom. It premiered on August 21, 2021. 
Category:No Malarkey in Bikini Bottom
Category:No Malarkey in Bikini Bottom Fifth Season
==Plot==
Mr. Beezos attempts to stop his workers from unionizing in Alabama. Meanwhile, Mr. Musk defends himself to the NLRB against accusations of illegally retaliating against workers.
== Transcript ==
[The episode with a BBTV news report.] 
Mr. Chillyrooster: Today, Amazon workers are voting to unionize. Mr. Tentacles, senator from Vermont, is expected to come to Alabama to meet them. 
[Cut to Mr. Beezos’ 56th mansion.] 
Mr. Beezos: WHAT
Mr. Banana: “WHAT” is right! ! Who do those workers think they are, organizing against their capitalist masters?! 
Mr. Beezos: I know! I treat them so well - I only sting them once a day - and they have the nerve to complain about working conditions! 
Mr. Banana: And of course Fictional Squidward supports them! 
Mr. Beezos: So what should we do? 
Mr. Banana: I know! We’ll engineer an attack campaign against Fictional Squidward!
[cut to Mr. Musk. A knock is suddenly heard on his door.] 
Fish: Sir, I’m just here to remind you that your trial is tomorrow. 
Mr. Musk: TRIAL?! For what?! For my pheromones being irresistible? 
Fish: Sir, you are a skunk. 
Mr. Musk: I don’t see your point. 
Fish: My point is that you have a trial tomorrow, over your firing of a worker. 
Mr. Musk: Oh that! That was all the way back in 2017. I thought they had forgotten about it. 
Fish: Well they didn’t. I suggest you start preparing for the trial immediately. 
Mr. Musk: Don’t worry. I’m the richest skunk in the ocean. I’ll get the best lawyer there is to defend my union busting! In fact, I know exactly the guy! 
[cut to Mr. Pineapple] 
Mr. Pineapple: Of course I’ll help defend you in your case against the NLRB! You winning would be a wake-up call, demonstrating the glaring weakness of the labor movement and the immense obstacles in the way of rekindling. 
Mr. Musk: Great! 
Mr. Pineapple: But before we do this, I have one question. 
Mr. Musk: What is it? 
Mr. Pineapple: Why do you sound French? I thought you were from South Africa. 
Mr. Musk: Actually, I’m from French South Africa. 
Mr. Pineapple: French South Africa? 
Mr. Musk: It’s like South Africa, but French! 
Mr. Pineapple: Oh okay.
[cut to Mr. Tentacles] 
Mr. Tentacles: I am proud to be here to support the workers of Amazon in their struggle to unionize their workplace. 
Mr. Beezos: BOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! BOO!!!!!!! 
Mr. Tentacles: And would you look at that? Mr. Beezos is the richest bee in the ocean, and yet he opposes his workers unionizing. How greedy. 
Mr. Beezos: Excuse me, why don’t you stop using your tongue in an impulsive manner? Mr. Tentacles, you may talk about a $15 minimum wage, but I’m the one actually paying workers $15. 
Mr. Tentacles: You’re only doing that because of me though. 
Mr. Beezos: Nope. 
Mr. Tentacles: Actually yes. I’m the one who introduced the Stop Beezos Act to get you to pay that wage! 
Mr. Beezos: Don’t listen to this squid. Listen to the actual employees, like this young fella. 
[Mr. Banana walks by in an Amazon uniform]
Mr. Banana: Mr. Beezos is a wonderful boss! Why, he doesn’t ever sting us, not even once! He DOES NOT make us shit and piss in bottles! Best of all, he lets us ram our girthy banana cocks into strawberries whenever we want! 
Mr. Tentacles: He doesn’t work for you! He works for Mr. Biden. 
Mr. Banana: Nope. I work for Mr. Beezos, in the most productive workplace in Bikini Bottom! 
Mr. Tentacles: Well it may be productive, but wages aren’t going up with productivity. [looks at Mr. Beezos] Are you paying people to pretend to be your workers and say good stuff about you? 
Mr. Beezos: I don’t know what you’re talking about. 
[Suddenly Mr. Biden walks by.]
Mr. Biden: Quit playing dress up, Jack! We have Palestinians to ethnically cleanse! 
Mr. Banana: On it, boss! [rips off the Amazon uniform and looks at Mr. Beezos] I’d like to receive my paycheck by direct deposit please. [follows Mr. Biden] 
[cut to Mr. Musk in court]
Mr. Judge: Mr. Musk, this worker alleges that you illegally retaliated against him. 
Mr. Musk: I’ll just let my lawyer handle this. 
Mr. Judge: Lawyer? I don’t see any lawyer here. 
Mr. Musk: Uh… 
[Suddenly Mr. Pineapple enters the courtroom, wearing a suit and holding a briefcase.] 
Mr. Pineapple: Sorry I’m late! I was trying to bomb the White House. 
[Suddenly his briefcase falls to the ground and opens, revealing several pictures of Mr. Hults. The scene cuts to Mr. R’Onion, who is watching the trial from his Environmental Science classroom.] 
Mr. R’Onion: Who is this joker? He’s the most unprofessional lawyer I’ve ever seen! 
[Cut back to the courtroom.] Mr. 
Mr. Judge: Excuse me, why is your briefcase full of photos of the president-elect of Bikini Bottom High? 
Mr. Pineapple: That was the wrong briefcase. This is my work briefcase. 
[The briefcase then suddenly opens, a bunch of papers falling on the ground. One of the papers lands in the judge’s desk.] Mr. Judge: Is this…Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy fanfiction? 
Mr. Pineapple: My mistake, your honor. 
[Mr. Pineapple takes out another briefcase, the contents immediately falling on the floor. The judge’s eyes widen.]
Mr. Judge: IS THAT MY SMALL SEA PONY NOT SAFE FOR WORK FANART?! STAFF! REMOVE SUCH OBSCENE MATERIAL FROM THIS ESTEEMED INSTITUTION AT ONCE! 
Mr. Staffer: On it, sir! [begins picking up the drawings]
Mr. Judge: [whispers into the staffer’s ear] Uh, you can leave that fanart in my office.
[Mr. Pineapple opens up another briefcase, this one completely empty.] 
Mr. Pineapple: Hey, I found it! THIS is my work briefcase! 
Mr. Musk: What?! But there’s nothing in it! 
Mr. Pineapple: Exactly! 
[He goes to sit down next to Mr. Musk.] 
Mr. Judge: Let’s just get this over with. Mr. Musk, is it true that you illegally retaliated against this worker? 
Mr. Pineapple: Excuse me, why are you singling out Mr. Musk? What about Mr. Biden’s illegal selling of weapons to Israel? Why isn’t he in here today? 
Mr. Judge: Sir, this is the NRLB. We handle cases regarding labor law, not international law. If you wish to seek a case against Mr. Biden, confer with the International Criminal Court. 
Mr. Pineapple: THE INTERNATIONAL CRIMINAL COURT?! Why would I ever cooperate with an imperialist entity such as that?! 
[Cut to Mr. Beezos, who is building a makeshift ballot box in the Amazon factory.] 
Amazon Staffer: Uh, what are you doing? 
Mr. Beezos: Constructing a ballot box! So all you guys can all cast your votes in the union election using this completely neutral, non-biased method! 
Staffer: Seems like a conflict of interest to have you controlling and monitoring the votes. 
Mr. Beezos: Nope. Now, BACK TO WORK! 
[Mr. Beezos whips the employee. The scene then cuts to Mr. Perkins.] 
Mr. Perkins: This just in, in a completely legitimate result, Amazon workers have voted 1,798 to 738 against allowing themselves to use the restroom. 
Mr. Tentacles: WHAT 
Mr. Beezos and Mr. Banana: YES! 
Mr. Banana: Fictional Squidward HAS BEEN DEFEATED! 
[The scene then cuts to the courtroom.}
Mr. Pineapple: And that, your honor, is why the Great Leap Forward was justified. 
Mr. Judge: ...I see. Welp, upon a careful review of the evidence, the NLRB has decided that Mr. Musk, you are guilty. 
Mr. Musk: WHAT 
[cut to Mr. Chillyrooster] 
Mr. Chillyrooster: In other news, Mr. Musk has been found guilty of violating labor law by the National Labor Relations Baord. 
[cut back to the court] 
Mr. Judge: Indeed. Your punishment shall be…deleting a tweet. 
Mr. Musk: Oh thank goodness! I thought you were gonna say I couldn’t rape children anymore!
[The episode ends.]
== Trivia ==
* The author of this episode, The Terrible Travis, is an Amazon employee.