Banana Republic

Banana Republic is the tenth episode of season six, and the sixty-eighth episode overall, of No Malarkey in Bikini Bottom. It premiered on April 5, 2022. 
==Plot==
Mr. Banana is happy to finally be accepted into a secret society known as the United Fruit Company, but becomes unsettled when he hears talk about overthrowing the human-sea creature dominated government.
== Story ==
[The episode opens with Mr. Banana checking his mailbox.]
Mr. Banana: Ah, mail! Time to address what has been addressed to me! Uh, restraining order [throws it away], restraining order [throws it away], restraining order [throws it away], restraining—OH. MY. NEPTUNE. I MADE IT IN!
Mr. Biden: What is it, Jack?
Mr. Banana: I’ve finally been accepted into the Sons of the United Fruit Company!
Mr. Biden: What’s that?
Mr. Banana: It’s an organization for the descendants of fruits who were produced by and fought for the United Fruit Company during the civil wars of the Banana republics.
Mr. Biden: I see.
Mr. Banana: You know, the previous socialist governments of Central America wanted to “regulate” banana plantations, and by “regulate”, they probably wanted to kill my family and all the world’s fruit. But fruits like my grandpa weren’t having it. Through Bikini Bottom funding and crimes against humanity, we were able to destroy their talk of workers’ rights! Oh man, I’m so excited! I’ve repeatedly applied since last year, and didn’t get a word from them until now!
Mr. Biden: What took them so long to accept you?
Mr. Banana: I dunno. Probably because there are so many fruits. Anyways, I better head to my initiation ceremony, it’s tonight!
[Mr. Banana walks to the United Fruit Company headquarters for the ceremony.]
Mr. Eggplant: Are you ready to be initiated?
Mr. Banana: Yes, sir!
Mr. Eggplant: Very well then. Repeat after me: I, Mr. Banana,
Mr. Banana: I, Mr. Banana,
Mr. Eggplant: Hereby declare myself to be a proud son of the United Fruit Company,
Mr. Banana: Hereby declare myself to be a proud son of the United Fruit Company,
Mr. Eggplant: Who is determined to rape any strawberry that comes in my way,
Mr. Banana: Who is determined to rape any strawberry that comes in my way,
Mr. Eggplant: And I will share those exploits with fellow members so we can pleasure ourselves.
Mr. Banana: And I will share those exploits with fellow members so we can pleasure ourselves.
Mr. Eggplant: You have completed the oath.
Mr. Banana: YES! After all these years, I’m finally a member!
Mr. Eggplant: Nope.
Mr. Banana: What?
Mr. Eggplant: You just took the oath. Before you become a member, you must face a hazing ritual. If you fail, you will be killed, as you know too much.
Mr. Banana: So what do I have to do? Rape a strawberry? [rapidly rubs his girthy banana cock to make it erect] I’m on it!
Mr. Eggplant: That’s what it usually is, but we have a special hazing ritual for you.
Mr. Banana: What is it?
Mr. Eggplant: Destroy the human-sea creature government!
Mr. Banana: What?
Mr. Eggplant: Oh, Mr. Banana. For thousands of years, humans and sea creatures have bullied us. They separate us, they eat us, they use us as sex toys!
Mr. Banana: Well, yes—
Mr. Eggplant: None of us have made it to the upper echelon of society, until you came along! Not only are you one of the richest individuals in Bikini Bottom, but you’re the White House Chief of Staff!
Mr. Banana: So?
Mr. Eggplant: It’s time you stop working for them and start working for your own kind. Well, we need you to pretend to stay with them.
Mr. Banana: What exactly do you want me to do?
Mr. Eggplant: We have a squad ready to place explosives in vulnerable areas. We’ll set the explosion to take place during the next Cabinet meeting tomorrow, killing the humans and sea creatures that make up the Biden administration. Then, we’ll march in and rename Bikini Bottom to the Banana Republic, after the banana who made it all possible. All we need are entry permits that can be granted by you, the White House Chief of Staff. So, are you on board?
Mr. Banana: Uh…
Mr. Eggplant: Remember, if you’re not on board, you failed, and that means death, right here and right now.
Mr. Banana: Okay…
Mr. Eggplant: But if you are on board, and the mission is a success, you’ll be a member, and the benefits you’ll reap are endless... [gestures Mr. Banana to a wall of chained strawberries]
Mr. Banana: OH DEAR NEPTUNE! FINE! FINE! I’LL DO IT!
Mr. Eggplant: Great!  See you after the fruits take over!
Mr. Banana: Yep...
[Mr. Banana walks out of the United Fruit Company headquarters.]
Mr. Banana: Oh man, what am I gonna do? Maybe I should take Mr. Eggplant’s advice. Those humans and sea creatures, they’re actually the enemy! Yeah!
[Suddenly, Mr. G’s boat pulls up.]
Mr. G: You need a ride back to the White House?
Mr. Banana: [cringes] Yeah, sure. [enters the boat]
Mr. G: So, how was the initiation? [starts driving]
Mr. Banana: It was good. I have a question. How do you feel about overthrowing a democratically-elected government?
Mr. G: I don’t know what else could turn me on more.
Mr. Banana: [softly grins] You know, my grandpa partook in such an act?
Mr. G: What a war hero.
Mr. Banana: [grins] What if I partook in that?
Mr. G: Then you would also be a war hero. He would be proud.
Mr. Banana: What if...I overthrew our government?
[Suddenly, Mr. G hits the brakes.]
Mr. G: That’s crazy talk! How can we overthrow other governments if you overthrow our own?! Overthrowing governments are only good when the people running them are your enemies, not your friends. All of us are strongly on #TeamJoe. You must’ve smoked a lot of seaweed in there.
Mr. Banana: Um...yeah, that’s crazy talk.
[Mr. G and Mr. Banana arrive home.]
[Cut back to the the United Fruit Company headquarters. Mr. Tomato then enters.]
Mr. Tomato: I’m here for my initiation! 
Mr. Apple: What the?! What are you doing here?! This club is for fruits only, not vegetables! 
Mr. Tomato: But I am a fruit! 
Mr. Orange: GET OUT OF HERE, YOU FAKE! YOU’RE NOT A REAL FRUIT! 
[All the other fruit start hounding Mr. Tomato.]
Mr. Tomato: [with tears running down his face] You guys are so mean! All I wanted to do was rape strawberries!
[The next morning.]
Mr. Banana: [wakes up] Ugh, what a terrible dream! I thought I was gonna be forced to betray Joe!
[Suddenly, Mr. Banana’s phone rings. He answers it.]
Mr. Banana: Now who in tarnation is calling me? I don’t get phone calls!
Mr. Eggplant: Me! Are you ready for the big day?
Mr. Banana: WHAT?! SO THIS ISN’T A DREAM!
Mr. Eggplant: It’s been our dream for so long, and it will become reality today!
Mr. Banana: Now wait a minute, how did you get my number?
Mr. Eggplant: HEY! Focus on the plan! We don’t have much time! The Cabinet meeting is in less than an hour, get your banana peel to the White House pronto! Get the entry permits and meet us at the front door. [hangs up]
[Mr. Banana gulps. Cut to the Oval Office. Mr. Banana enters.] 
Mr. Banana: Hey, uh, Joe, could I ask you a favor?
Mr. Biden: Of course! Anything for you, Mr. Banana! 
Mr. Banana: Hehe…I was wondering if I could have some entry permits for some friends of mine… 
Mr. Biden: Absolutely! Any friend of Mr. Banana is a friend of mine! [hands Mr. Banana the entry permits] Here you go! 
Mr. G: Hm…I’m not sure about this, Joe. The other day Mr. Banana was talking to me about overthrowing our administration. 
Mr. Biden: Nonsense, Mr. G! Mr. Banana is the most trustworthy fruit I know! He’d never do something like that! He was probably just joking around.
Mr. Banana: [laughs nervously] Oh yeah...I was definitely joking! 
[He exits the Oval Office, and opens the front door of the White House.]
Mr. Eggplant: Today's the big day! Just any minute now until the explosives arrive! 
[Suddenly Mr. Eggplant's phone rings. He picks it up.]
Mr. Eggplant: Hello?
Mr. Bass: Change of plans. I won't be able to deliver the explosives today. 
Mr. Eggplant: WHAT
Mr. Bass: Yep. I was just about to deliver them, but then I found out there's an all-day My Little Pea Pony marathon on TV today! This is just too important to miss!
[Mr. Bass hangs up.]
Mr. Eggplant: THAT BLASTED BUFFOON! We were already gonna execute him after this, but now we're gonna execute him even harder! 
Mr. Banana: Oh well, no explosives. I guess we can't go ahead with the plan, how unfortunate!
Mr. Eggplant: Not so fast, Mr. Banana! How about we use those explosives?
[Mr. Eggplant points toward a box sitting outside the White House, labeled "Mr. Banana's Bombs".]
Mr. Banana: HEY! You can't use those! Those are for bombing song birds!
[Mr. Eggplant places his arm around Mr. Banana's shoulder.]
Mr. Eggplant: Mr. Banana, Mr. Banana. After we overthrow the president, you can bomb as many song birds as you'd like! Now, let's go complete the mission. 
[Mr. Eggplant and the other fruit walk into the White House. Mr. Banana reluctantly follows. Cut to the Cabinet meeting room. Mr. Banana and the other fruits plant bombs around the room.]
Mr. Banana: [muttering to self] You're doing it for the strawberries, you're doing it for the strawberries...
Mr. Eggplant: Alright, that should be enough! Now quick, let's get out of here! 
[The fruits run out of the White House. The other fruits, except for Mr. Eggplant and Mr. Banana, hop into a van labeled "United Fruit Company".]
Mr. Eggplant: Come on, Mr. Banana! Let's go back to our headquarters! We can come back after the bombs go off! 
Mr. Banana: Uh...I think I should stay here just in case. You know, to finish off any potential survivors. 
Mr. Eggplant: Good idea! We'll be back soon. 
[Mr. Eggplant hops into the van and it drives away. Cut to the Cabinet meeting room, where Mr. Biden, Mrs. Harris, Mr. G, Mr. Fancyson, and Mr. Obama have gathered.]
Mr. Biden: I have called you all in here to discuss a very important topic. Mrs. Pineapple. 
[The Cabinet members moan.]
Mr. G: Ugh, not this again...
[Cut to Mr. Banana, who is watching his wristwatch tick. He is sweating.] 
Mr. Banana: Ah...I CAN'T DO THIS!
[He quickly runs into the White House, grabbing everyone and rushing them out. Right when they exit, the White House immediately explodes. Cut to Mr. Pineapple, who is watching the explosion on TV.]
Mr. Pineapple: Hey, no fair! Blowing up the White House is my job! 
[Cut back to the White House, where the United Fruit Company van arrives. Mr. Eggplant steps out of the van, shaking his head at Mr. Banana. Cut to the United Fruit Company headquarters, where Mr. Banana is tied to the stake and the other fruits are holding torches.
Mr. Eggplant: Mr. Banana, you have failed us...AND FOR THAT, YOUR PUNISHMENT IS DEATH! LIGHT HIM UP, BOYS!
[Mr. Apple walks toward Mr. Banana, about to light him on fire.]
Mr. Banana: WAIT! Mr. Apple! We're business partners! You can't do this to me! 
Mr. Apple: I'm sorry, Mr. Banana, but I have no choice. You've failed our race. 
Mr. Banana: But I have blueberries!
Mr. Apple: No blueberries for me! Once you feel your lengthy apple member in the luscious slime of a sea snail’s pussy, no blueberry can come even close to comparing!
Mr. Banana: Can’t I at least have one last phone call before I die? Mr. Eggplant: Sure, I don’t see why not. [hands Mr. Banana a phone] 
Mr. Banana: Hey Ms. Broccoli! Come to the United Fruit Company, there's tons of sexy fruits here! 
[Suddenly Ms. Broccoli barges into the building.]
Ms. Broccoli: FRUITS?!
Fruits: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
[The other fruits quickly begin running away. Mrs. Broccoli jumps on top of Mr. Eggplant.]
Ms. Broccoli: Give me that eggplant! 
[Mr. Banana then unties himself and quickly exits the room through the window. The episode ends as the other fruits run away from Ms. Broccoli.]
Category:No Malarkey in Bikini Bottom