The Gauntlet

The Gauntlet is the sixty-sixth episode of Cult of Squid. It released on July 24th, 2023 and was written by Locknloaded23 and Purple133.
==Plot==
Following his encounter with Azryth in the last episode, Squidward formulates a plan to steal the Book of the Damned back from the Snowflakes to be used as a weapon against an old foe.
==Transcript==
(Episode begins with Fate inside the lodge staring out the window like the last episode, before he walks out of the room chuckling to himself until Krabs enters the front door)
Krabs: Hi, I'm back. (Notices Fate chucking) What's so funny, Fate?
Fate: Let's just say, we're about to get the upper hand. 
Krabs: What's that supposed to mean? 
Fate: You will find out in due time. For now, we will take a breather, at least until Blue returns. 
Krabs: He's not back yet? 
Fate: No… but I hear him approaching outside.
Krabs: Really? I don't hear anything.
Fate: He seems to be approaching fast… as if something has happened…
(After a few seconds of silence, Fate bursts open the door as he frantically falls to the floor)
Fate: Blue? Blue, what happened?
(Blue can't speak as he's too busy breathing heavily)
Fate: BLUE! BLUE, GET A GRIP!
(Fate picks up Blue and slaps his face until Blue eventually calms down)
Blue: Squidward… Squidward found me… and I ran for my life…
Fate: (Drops Blue on the floor) Squidward?! They said that Squidward was GONE! They lied to us to trick us to join their side!
Krabs: Those bastards!
Fate: Looks like I may need to enact my plan a little early.
Krabs: What "plan?!" Why won't you tell me anything?! 
Fate: The plan is simple… we CAPTURE their best man. 
(Fade to the Cult's base, with Squidward marching back and forth with his gun)
Squidward: Send a spy, will they? We’ll see who has the last laugh!
(Squidward hears footsteps outside as Security rushes inside the base)
Squidward: Security! What’re you doing? Where are the others?
Security: Squidward?! Where the Hell did you come from?! 
Squidward: I have no idea. I was sleeping on my throne, when I had some bizarre dream about some demon war… or something… Jerry was in it.
Security: You were asleep on your throne?
Squidward: Yes, why?
Security: Well… you weren’t there earlier. You literally just… disappeared into thin air!
Squidward: Wha…
Security: We suspected it was LRH with help from The Snowflakes. Then we… uh… we ran into them.
Squidward: Okay, and? What happened next?
Security: Well, I don’t know what happened in the meeting. I was sent over to the Snowflakes’ lodge to try and find you, because we were certain they stole you with magic or something.
Squidward: Wait, you spied on the Snowflakes’ lodge?
Security: Yep.
Squidward: Well… Did you find anything?
Security: I didn’t find anything substantial, except, well, the Book Of The Damned.
Squidward: The Book Of The Damned?! Did you manage to steal it? 
Security: No, I couldn’t, because Fate arrived just before I could swipe it.
Squidward: That’s a shame. 
Security: So, uh… what’s up with you? What’s with the gun?
Squidward: Well… I had a dream where I was confronted by some ancient demon, or something. I barely understand it at all. But anyway, I woke up here, and found a Snowflakes spy in the room Noseward is in.
Security: What?! Is Noseward okay?!
Squidward: Noseward’s fine. I have no idea what Blue was looking for, or why he went to Noseward’s room in particular, but they ran off before I could catch them.
Security: I have to check on Noseward ASAP! 
Squidward: Security, I’m telling you, he’s-
(Security rushes out of the room as Squidward sighs)
Security: (bursts into Noseward’s room) NOSEWARD?!
(Noseward is still comatose, with Brother Purple sitting next to his bedside)
Security: Tell me the good word.
Purple: I came in here after the spy incident, Noseward is doing just fine.
Security: That’s good to hear, loyal brother… But I still feel I should stay by his side. Just in case, you know?
Purple: Uh… But, you really don’t -
Security: Yes, I do! I took a vow to stay by Noseward’s side until he wakes up. I am keeping that promise!
Purple: (Sigh) Okay, you do you.
(Purple walks out as Squidward walks in)
Squidward: Security? 
Security: Oh, hello, Brother Squidward. 
Squidward: Security, if you don’t mind, I’d like a minute of your time.
Security: Yeah? What for?
Squidward: I have thought of a plan. 
Security: A plan? What plan?
Squidward: I’ll tell you when everyone gets back. But for now, just know, if this plan succeeds, we will have the definitive upper hand.
(Cut to Azryth waltzing about an abandoned factory with sigils all around)
Azryth: Well, now’s a good a time as any. 
(A loud swooping noise is heard as something drops into the building; two smaller swooping sounds are heard, then clouds of smoke begin rising from the ground next to Azryth)
Voice: So this is the path you want to go down, demon scum?
Azryth: This war’s been coming a long time, Raphael.
(The angels step out of the shadows as multiple demons rise out of the mist)
Raphael: Oh please.
(Raphael snaps his fingers and all of the demons surrounding Azryth instantly begin screaming, then they light up as they disappear into nothingness)
Azryth: War’s coming whether you like it or not, Raphael. I’d say God knows where big brother Michael is, but neither of them have been home in a while. 
Raphael: Enough, demon.
Azryth: Please, let’s stop calling me that. I like to think of myself as something a little more “evolved” than a demon?
Raphael: Really?
(Raphael snaps his fingers to destroy Azryth but nothing happens)
Azryth: Let’s just say I’ve been “juicing up.” 
Raphael: Brothers, help me kill him.
(All three angels hold their hands out toward Azryth, shooting a blinding light toward him that simply deflects around him as he walks toward them)
Azryth: Boo.
Raphael: You don’t scare me, boy. 
(Raphael thinks for a second)
Raphael: However, you’ve been getting power from something that seems familiar. I’m not going to kill you. You want a war? You, a lowly demon, want to take on the full force of heaven with what, a bunch of grunts and an imprisoned and impoverished king? You know what? I’ll entertain this. Throw everything you have at me, it gives me an excuse to stamp out your kind for good. 
Azryth: Is that a threat?
Raphael: It’s a declaration of war.
(Raphael motions for the other two angels to leave)
Raphael: I’m going to eradicate every single demon in hell. All of you. 
(Azryth throws a punch at Raphael, landing it square in his jaw)
Raphael: Lucky hit.
(Raphael disappears and Azryth is left alone in the factory; cut to the cult’s base, Squidward is in the throne room by himself, until Security walks in)
Security: In here, everyone!
(The Cult walks in the room)
Crayons: So, what is it that you wanted that needed us to return here in such haste?
(Everyone looks at Squidward in the room and they all look surprised with a few gasps)
Crayons: What?! Squidward?! He’s back?!
Noseward: Where the Hell did he go? Where did you find him?
Security: I barely understand myself. Just listen, he’s about to explain.
Squidward: I’m sure you’re all wondering what’s been going on. 
Plankton: Yeah, we’re wondering! These past 24 hours have been so confusing!
SpongeBob: Yeah, first you just vanish, then we meet with the Snowflakes, then they tell us their leader ALSO vanished, then we made a plan to find Markers.. Or something. God, I dunno. My brain is having such a hard time processing all this.
Squidward: Well, the only reasonable explanation I can give is that… I had some sort of otherworldly dream. Well… I suppose not really a dream, more an out-of-body experience. I was in Nyx’s realm with some demon dude. I think he called himself Azryth, who was this angry demon who relayed onto me some… Interesting and troubling news.
Plankton: Azyrth? I’ve never heard of Azyrth. I know my demons, and I’ve never heard of Azryth. 
Crayons: Yes, Azyrth is a new name for me, too. Could he be, like… one of Satan’s disciples?
Squidward: I know just as much as you guys do. All the info I have at this moment is that Azryth was talking about wanting to wage war against Heaven and Hell.
SpongeBob: Hell still exists? I figured it would’ve been abandoned, or at least destroyed, without Satan being… alive.
Security: No, that wouldn’t make sense. Hell’s its own dimension, right? If Bikini Bottom collapsed, people would still come back and take over. 
Crayons: Hell is eternal. You can’t destroy Hell. It’s always there, always will be there, and will always be populated by the souls of the damned.
Plankton: I’d imagine it’d be in disarray after Satan was locked away forever.
Squidward: That’s all just speculation. All I know is that he wants Hell to go to war with Heaven… and I don’t know quite why.
Crayons: it’s astounding that even after Satan has been locked away for years at this point, we still have to deal with demons.
Plankton: Well, I’d imagine that Satan has an unending supply of demons. I mean, we destroyed thousands of them during our final confrontation with Satan, but I doubt those were all.
Crayons: Well, how many fish have DIED? How many animals above water?
Plankton: Dead fish don’t become demons. 
Squidward: We’re getting sidetracked, guys. What’s important is that, unfortunately, it seems that we are caught in the middle of yet another holy battle.
Security: I dunno… Satan’s plan was straightforward, he just wanted to take over our dimension and kill us all. Dealing with a full-scale war against Heaven and Hell seems so much… Grander than what we’ve encountered before.
Squidward: That’s why we should keep this in the very back of our minds for now. Our main focus should be to defeat Project Phoenix and the Snowflakes. We can’t really be dealing with a holy war on top of all of that.
Security: Squidward, I get what you’re saying, but we’re talking about Heaven versus Hell. That’s infinitely more problematic than a few Atlanteans with a stick up their collective asses and an angry crab and his buddies. 
Squidward: Security, I really get what you’re saying, but… we don’t have the same strength we did when we fought Satan. Not even close. Defeating Phoenix has to be our logical first step before we begin dealing with any holy wars. Besides, if we defeat LRH, there may be a chance we will figure out the secret to his power.
Security: So then, what do you propose we do?
Squidward: Well, when I had that dream, I saw Jerry making a deal with Nix for unlimited power. That’s where my plan comes in.
Crayons: Why didn’t you bring that up earlier?
Squidward: We were getting sidetracked. I think we need to go tell Fate that his leader made a demon deal, and hopefully he’ll be smart enough to just give us the Book of the Damned. And THAT is when we have enough power to storm right to Phoenix Plaza, and defeat Phoenix!
Security: That ain’t a bad idea, Squidward!
Squidward: Security and SpongeBob, would you like the honors of coming with me?
SpongeBob: I don’t really have anything better to do.
Security: Anytime, Brother Squidward.
Squidward: Okay, great! Let’s go over there now. The rest of you, guard the base. I caught a disgraced former Cult member snooping around here earlier.
(The three head out the door; cut to them walking to the Snowflakes cabin quickly, Krabs is waiting for them outside)
Krabs: Oh, hello, Cult.
Squidward: Krabs? What the hell are you doing out here?
Krabs: I was going to ask you the same thing.
Squidward: Don’t worry, Krabs. We don’t want any trouble. We just want to talk with Fate.
Krabs: Why?
Squidward: What do you mean, why? Just let us talk with Fate!
Krabs: I dunno. I remember your Cult telling us that Squidward was gone… and yet, he’s right there with you. 
Squidward: Krabs, we don’t have TIME for this. I’ll explain EVERYTHING if you’d just let us inside.
Krabs: Hmmmmmm…
Security: Krabs, just let us in.
(Krabs grabs a staff)
Squidward: Krabs, don’t you dare.
(Krabs swings the staff at Squidward, hitting the side of his arm)
Squidward: OW! KRABS, WE DON’T HAVE -
(Krabs hits Squidward in his forehead)
Krabs: GET OUTTA HERE. WE DON’T WANT YOU HERE.
Offscreen Voice: Krabs, let them in. I trust them.
(Krabs looks behind him and sees Fate standing in the doorway)
Krabs: But, Fate, they can’t be trusted! Remember how-
Fate: If they’re wanting to fight, so be it. But I’d like to hear what they’re doing here. Let them in.
(Krabs stares angrily at the Cult for a few seconds as he begrudgingly steps out of their way;  the Cult slowly walk in the door, into the main room)
Squidward: I’ll cut right to the chase, your lovely boss made a deal with a demon.
Fate: What? What are you on about?
Squidward: Jerry. I saw him in a dream. He made a deal with a demon. A powerful demon. A demon more powerful than Satan.
(Krabs looks instantly distraught)
Krabs: DEMONS?!
Fate: Calm down there, Krabs. Why are you so worried?
Krabs: THE BLOODY KOMRADES, THAT’S WHY!
Fate: Who the Hell are “The Komrades?”
Squidward: You probably don’t remember, but the Komrades were Krabs’ rebellion group against The Cult back in the timeline I destroyed… And then, he formed them again sometime during the Satan conflict.
Fate: Destroyed timeline?
Squidward: It’s too complicated to get into.
SpongeBob: We just really need the Book. 
(Fate lets out a hearty laugh)
Squidward: What’s so funny?
Fate: There is no way in HELL we’re giving you the Book.
Squidward: Why the hell not?
Fate: That book is way more powerful than you could possibly know. We don’t trust you with that much power.
Security: C’mon, Fate, we had a pact!
Fate: That’s still true… but WE are in charge of the Book.
Squidward: Could you at least tell us why?
Fate: I just did; this book is too powerful to be used by the likes of you.
Squidward: Well, that’s hardly an answer, Fate. You can trust us with this book. We’ve used it SEVERAL times before.
Fate: And about that whole Jerry making a demon deal, you really think he’d do something so reckless? Jerry’s the reason all of us survived the North to begin with, I highly doubt he’d do something that irresponsible.
Squidward: Well, like it or not, I saw him do it. Heed our warning; Stay with Jerry, and you will get KILLED.
Fate: Just go away now, will ya? We’re too busy right now to be dealing with this.
(Squidward turns to leave, SpongeBob and Security follow him, clearly upset at the situation; Fate and Krabs walk back inside the room with the Book, where Jerry is waiting for them)
Jerry: (pirate voice) Welcome back, mateys!
Fate: Squidward and his cultists just came here looking for the Book.
Jerry: The Book? Oh, it’s still fine. Still right where I left it.
Fate: Jerry, get a grasp, they’re not going to stop coming. We need to tell them that if they poke their nose where it doesn’t belong again, we’ll show them what we’re capable of.
Krabs: What do ya have in mind?
Fate: Earlier today, I discovered Security was snooping around in here, looking for the Book. And if I know Security and the Cult, they’ll definitely be back to try to take it again.
Jerry: Go on.
Fate: So, I propose… we set up a trap for Security.
Krabs: A trap?
Fate: Yes. A trap. Next time he comes in here, we’ll capture him, and hide him from those Cultists until further notice. Without their strongest man, I estimate their power levels shall drop up to 60%.
Krabs: That ain’t a bad idea! 
Jerry: Yar, tis a great idea. Could always use improving, but it’s a great idea! Leave it all to me. I have a plan!
(Jerry has a big smirk on his face as he strokes his beard, and it fades to the Cult in their base)
Squidward: We need to go back there. 
Security: Come on, Squidward, let’s just rest on it.
Squidward: No, we HAVE to go over there. Get that god damned Book and show them what for. Those Snowflakes are messing with forces they can’t even begin to comprehend. Jerry’s agreement with Azryth is a BIG deal. We can’t afford to let them have that book for any longer! We HAVE to intervene, or the fabric of this dimension will rip apart by the seams!
SpongeBob: How do you recommend we even get in? They’ll stop us at the front gate before we even have a chance to step onto the porch!
Squidward: It’s simple. We go in there without them even knowing.
Security: What, we sneak in? Come on, Squidward, we tried that, and we failed.
Squidward: YOU failed, and that was only because you had no idea the Book was in there. But if you go back PREPARED… That’s a whole different story.
Security: Squidward, you want me to go BACK there? 
Squidward: Yes! You’ll be more prepared and have a higher chance of success than last time.
Security: But, what if they’re expecting me?
Squidward: Security, that’s ridiculous. They had no idea you were even over there. Otherwise 
they would have brought it up.
Security: Well… I suppose you make a valid point.
SpongeBob: Security, when you get back, you know we’ll be winning the war, right?
Squidward: Oddly profound of you, SpongeBob, but entirely correct.
SpongeBob: That Book should be our number 1 incentive right now. We can’t afford to let the Snowflakes have it.
Squidward: Exactly! So, Security, are you in? Do you want to go down there and take back what’s OURS?
Security: (Ponders the question a bit before confidently standing straight) I’m in, Brother Squidward.
Squidward: That’s great! You’re making the right choice. You better hurry, though - it’s getting dark!
Security: I’m on my way, Brother Squidward. But before I do… I need to pay someone a visit.
(Security sighs as he slowly walks over to Noseward’s bed, slowly kneels besides him, and leans close to him)
Security: Don’t worry, Noseward… I’ll be back by your side… I won’t be gone long.
(Security stares at Noseward for an extended period of time before he stands back up, walks out the room, and proudly marches out the base; Cut to him trudging along the snowy mountain, before he encounters the Snowflakes’ lodge, seeing Fate, Krabs and Blue walk out with Jerry leading the way. Security nods as he starts looking for a way into the room, finding a window on the back that is unlocked, so he climbs in, and is soon staring face-to-face with the pedestal the Book is. Security starts a slow tiptoe over to where the Book rests, examining it for a few seconds, but he soon realizes that it’s missing, heavily examining where it once sat. However, as he does this, he sees a red light flashing next to the case, stares at it for a few seconds, when out of nowhere, the entire Lodge is consumed in a fireball which causes the Lodge to completely explode, as it cuts to show the Lodge exploding from a distance, with heavy black smoke coming out of it. The camera fades to black)
Category:Purple133
Category:Locknloaded23
Category:Episodes written by Purple133
Category:Episodes written by Locknloaded23
Category:Episodes
Category:Episode transcripts
Category:Transcripts
Category:2023
Category:2023 Episodes
Category:2023 Transcripts
Category:Cult of Squid
Category:Cult of Squid Episodes
Category:2020s