Wyldly Inappropriate/Transcript

(In a forest, Kai and Wyldfyre are trapped in a pit with spikes, surrounded by Greenbone Warriors.)
Wyldfyre: Huh. These Walls of Punishment aren't as fun as I hoped.
Kai: You were expecting them to be fun?
Wyldfyre: I always expect fun!
Kai: At least it can't get any worse. (Some arrows shoot past him.) When am I gonna learn things can always get worse?
Wyldfyre: Worse? It's finally interesting!
Bone Guard 1: That's what you get!
Bone Guard 2: Eat wall!
Bone King: It's not too late to save yourselves. We'll pull you out if you give us back our sacred gems!
Kai: We don't have them! Promise! We're ninja on an urgent mission. We just stopped in your forest to rest!
Wyldfyre: Right! Plus, why would we steal 'em anyway? They're mega-ugly!
Bone Warrior: Not nice!
Bone Guard 3: Jealous?
Bone King: Last chance! The gems, or we let the walls finish their work!
Wyldfyre: You don't have the guts! (To Kai) Get it? Skeleton joke.
Kai: Stop insulting them!
Wyldfyre: Oh, they love it. I'm hilarious.
Bone King: Fine! Face punishment, gem thieves! (He pulls a lever and the walls close in.)
Kai: Don't make fun of people who have you in a death trap!
Wyldfyre: Not my fault! How could I know they're so sensitive? They've got pretty thin skin for folks with no skin.
Kai: (He studies the flying arrows.) Three, two, one... did you spot the pattern?
Wyldfyre: Yes, way before you did. Let's go! (She jumps on the spikes to head upwards.) You thought I needed ninja training? (She nearly falls, but Kai gives her a boost.) Not when I've got moves like this! And... ha! Safe! (She escapes the pit.)
Kai: (He escapes the pit as well.) Danger's not over yet.
Bone King: If you won't be polite and get crushed by the Walls of Punishment, then we'll just have to destroy you the old-fashioned way! (He slashes his sword at the pair.)
----
(In the dragon stables of the monastery, Mr. Frohicky enters with a cup of tea.)
Frohicky: Tea time! Gramma's recipe.
Zane: Thank you, I — (He peers inside the cup to see flies in green fluid.) Oh, uh, um, looks nutritious. However, Nindroids do not require nutrition.
Frohicky: Oh, my sincerest apologies. I'll dispose of it immediately. (He drinks the tea but misses the flies, which fly around him.) Oh, heavens. This is what teleported you ninja back from Imperium? How does it work?
Zane: I do not know. It is mystical, not technological, so it is difficult to scan. But if I can reactivate it, it may help explain the secrets of the Merge, including the whereabouts of those still missing.
Frohicky: Oh, like Arin's parents and the other ninja.
Zane: Master Wu, Jay and Cole. But they are not the only loved ones I seek. (He caresses a photo of P.I.X.A.L.)
Frohicky: Is there any way as Monastery Assistant that I can be of assistance?
Zane: I am not sure you can. This device should analyze the gate, but — (He tries and fails to operate the device.) Yes. As I feared. It requires a new wyconium coil, which is difficult to acquire in Ninjago.
Frohicky: Before the Merge, maybe. But in the Crossroads, we've got stuff from all the combined realms. Bet you'd find a wycombi-whatever easily now.
Zane: Crossroads?
Frohicky: Oh, right right right. You just woke up. You don't know about the hottest new neighborhood in the Ninjago City greater metro area. Well, you are in for a treat. Hmm. However, a legendary and believed-missing ninja just showing up in town would cause quite a stir. Hmm. Any chance you own a fake mustache?
(Zane smiles and gives himself a holographic mustache.)
Frohicky: Wow! That's the second fastest I've ever seen someone grow a mustache.
----
(At the Crossroads, Frohicky shows Zane the junkyard.)
Frohicky: Let's try the junkyard first. It's the best place to find parts.
(They find Kreel and some Whack Rats inside.)
Kreel: Mr. Frohicky's got a new friend. Who is he? Eh, never mind. Don't care.
Frohicky: What are you doing here, Kreel?
Kreel: You haven't heard? It's my junkyard now. Won it in a lice game.
Zane: You mean a dice game?
Kreel: Mm, no.
Zane: We require a wyconium coil. Wyconium is a rare, almost unheard of element with an indestructible—
Kreel: I know what wyconium is. We got a ton of coils in back. I'll grab one while you cough up the coins.
Zane: Um, coins? I lack coins.
(They are thrown out by Kreel.)
Frohicky: Well, let's head into town. I assure you, Master Zane, opportunities are around every corner in the Crossroads.
----
(In the forest, Kai and Wyldfyre face off against the Greenbone Warriors.)
Kai: I swear we don't have your gems!
Bone King: Yes you do! Return them at once!
Wyldfyre: Ugh, fine, if you want them so bad. (She dumps the gems on the ground.)
Kai: You had them the whole time?
Wyldfyre: It was a prank! I was gonna hide them all over, like a fun little treasure hunt, only without a map.
Bone King: We should have disarranged you!
Kai: Wait wait wait wait! You got the gems back. Can't we just call it square? Heh, kids, am I right? Heh.
Bone King: (He sighs.) Fine. You can go, if you promise to never come back!
Wyldfyre: Totally! Let's shake on it. (She extends her hand, but burns the Bone King once he gets close. She laughs.) Prank! Fire handshake! Owned!
Kai: You said we could go! No backsies! Bye!
(The pair escape on Heatwave, while the Greenbone Warriors yell angrily.)
Wyldfyre: (She laughs.) Classic Wyldfyre! I never miss a chance to do the fire handshake prank. You should've seen the look on his skull!
Kai: Elemental powers are not practical jokes, kid. You have to take the power you've been given seriously.
Wyldfyre: (She fakes a snore.) Sorry. Nodded off there. Forgot you're the elemental master of boring.
Kai: Whatever. No more stops. We get to the Wyldness, get the Dragon Core, and get back to meet the others so we can save the world. Okay?
Wyldfyre: Sure. Saving the world's important.
Kai: But you have some priorities.
Wyldfyre: Because if the world is destroyed, who'd be left to prank?
Kai: Ugh. Look, Nya said the Core is probably being protected by people called the Lava-Tides, who are —
Wyldfyre: You don't need to ninjasplain Lava-Tides to us. Heatwave and I are from the Wyldness. Lava-Tides are my peeps! They love me!
(The scene cuts to Kai and Wyldfyre being surrounded by angry Lava-Tides.)
Lava-Tides: No Core for you! No Core for you! No Core for you!
Kai: Oh, some BFFs you've got. (The Lava-Tides keep chanting.) What's the deal? You said the Lava-Tides loved you! They even have your picture up!
Wyldfyre: I know, they're obsessed with me.
Lava-Tide Leader: Eh, wrong! That image is so all can identify the face of the enemy!
Kai: Like a wanted poster. Okay, yeah, should've guessed that. (To Wyldfyre.) What did you do to make them so mad?
Wyldfyre: Oh, pfft. They're not really mad.
Lava-Tide 1: We're super mad! The maddest!
Wyldfyre: I just did fun stuff. Like hiding rotten melons around town to stink the place up! Ooh, or dressing their village statue to look all fancy!
Lava-Tide Leader: Fancy?! You made our monument to the great hero, Lava-Todd the Wise, look silly! An object of ridicule!
Wyldfyre: (She laughs.) Classic! See? They loved it! They were always leaving presents around for me, like cool metal jaws.
Kai: You're describing traps. They set traps to catch you! (To the Lava-Tides.) Lava-Tides, I'm Kai, the red ninja. We've come to get the Dragon Core. To stop the MergeQuakes that threaten all the merged realms.
Lava-Tide Leader: We've heard great tales of the ninja, even before the Merge. For generations, our people had been entrusted with protecting the Dragon Core, until such a day that a great hero came to claim it. (They summon the Core from a pit.) Is today, that day? Are you, that hero?
Wyldfyre: Me? Yes. Absolutely. 'Cause I'm the leader.
Kai: What? No! She's not the —
Lava-Tide Leader: No! Enemy! Surely you are not the foretold hero, with your terrible cry of "Haha! Prank!" as you commit your crimes. No Core ever for you! (They throw the Core back into the pit.) Or anyone who has the bad judgment to be associated with you.
Wyldfyre: What? You know we were always just joking around, right?
Kai: (To the Lava-Tides.) Uh, that was the old Wyldfyre. What if she could prove she's gotten better? Maybe fix all the bad stuff she's done? Then would you let us have the Core? (The leader shakes their head.) Come on. We're talking about saving the world here.
Lava-Tide Leader: Fine. We already have a list. Bring forth the Scroll of Grievances!
(A Lava-Tide unfurls a scroll.)
Kai: (He watches as the scroll gets longer and longer.) That's... a long list. But we could... more, okay, fine. We can fix... wow. Okay. We'll just... okay, this is just getting silly. (The scroll finally comes to an end, and he groans.)
----
(At the Crossroads, Mr. Frohicky takes "Zane" through the streets.)
Frohicky: Oh, don't worry. We'll find a way to earn enough coins. Oh, you wouldn't happen to have a karaoke mode? If so, we could — oh. (He realizes that he had been talking to a Munce with a Zane mask.) Excuse me. You're not, uh... (He notices that everyone has a Zane mask.) What is going on here? Aha, I forgot that's today!
Emcee: Happy Zane Day! (She laughs.) The annual celebration of a long-lost but mightily-beloved ninja hero known as Zane, the Titanium Ninja!
Zane: Zane Day? I do not understand.
Frohicky: You do know you're really famous, right? I'm honored to even be near you, even with that mustache.
Zane: (To a passerby.) Excuse me. This is a community event devoted to m— to Zane?
Boy: (In a robot voice.) Affirmative. Today, we engage in Zaney games and consume Zaney foods. (He holds up a bowl of screws.) Mm. Yum yum. And today shall culminate with a Zane-alike contest with a big cash prize. Beep boop beep boop.
Zane: A cash prize could be used to purchase the needed wyconium coil. And I do believe I'm optimized to win a Zane-alike competition.
Frohicky: Difficult to argue with that, sir! Mm, I'll go register you.
(In the Zane-alike competition, Zane, Lobbo, and Tope-Epot dance on stage.)
Zane: I do not dance like that.
Emcee: Let's hear a round of applause for our finalists — Lobbo, Tope-Epot, and a newcomer named Blane! And for the finals, we have a celebrity head judge all the way from Shintaro — Chancellor Gulch!
Gulch: Thank you. Thank you.
Emcee: Now, Chancellor, you were friends with the real Zane, correct?
Gulch: Yes. Zane and the other ninja helped my people, the Geckles, and we became the best of friends. I knew him well.
Emcee: Wonderful. Then let the "Zames" begin! (None of the judges find her funny.) Okay! The sound-alike round! (To Lobbo.) Let's hear what you got. Lobbo!
Lobbo: I'm Zane. Feel my ice! (The crowd cheers, and the judges give high scores, except for the Security bot, who only gives a low score.)
(Tope-Epot makes dial-up noises.)
Zane: That is actually quite offensive.
Crowd: (They cheer again.) Zane! Yeah!
(The judges give even higher scores, and the emcee turns to Zane for his turn.)
Zane: (He clears his throat.) I am Zane.
Gulch: Zane was my dear friend. My hero. I would know his voice anywhere, and that... was NOT IT! Fail! (He and the judges give him extremely low scores.)
Emcee: So this round goes to... Tope-Epot!
----
(In the Lava-Tides' village, Kai and Wyldfyre start to undo her mess.)
Kai: (He sniffs a rotten Wyldmelon.) Whoa! Okay, these smell like rotten eggs.
Wyldfyre: Oh, but they are so good. I mean, yeah, sometimes you get one infested with death wasps, but the non-infested ones are so good.
(Kai burns all the Wyldmelons. In a montage, the pair clean up more vandalism.)
Wyldfyre: Aww, man. Dressing up their statues to look dumb? Good times.
Kai: You heard the Lava-Tides. You were having fun, but they weren't. If everyone's not having fun, it isn't pranking. It's bullying.
Wyldfyre: Ugh. Whatever. They just don't get comedy!
Kai: Or, they don't see you as funny. (He sighs.) Look, here's the bottom line. Do another prank, and they'll never give us the Core. No more, okay? People are counting on us.
Wyldfyre: Ugh, fine. No more pranks, for now. I promise.
(They finally manage to restore everything.)
Lava-Tide Leader: (She approaches them with the Core.) Surprisingly, you've made amends and proven your worthiness.
Wyldfyre: Yeah. Under my leadership, Kai did an okay job. Not great, but okay.
Lava-Tide Leader: I was wrong about you. Let us shake hands as friends.
Kai: Handshake? Oh no! (He sees Wyldfyre's hand light up with fire.) Not the fire handshake prank. Not the fire handshake prank! (He breathes a sigh of relief when Wyldfyre doesn't burn the Lava-Tide Leader.)
Lava-Tide Leader: (She laughs and throws the Core back into the pit.) Ha!
Kai: What?
Lava-Tide Leader: Hahaha! Prank! Now the Core is in the Pit of No Return! You're a bully, and you'll never change. But at least you cleaned up our village! Thanks! (The Lava-Tides walk away laughing.)
Kai: Without that Core, the whole world could be destroyed!
Lava-Tide Leader: Yeah, but you should see the look on your face. (The Lava-Tides laugh even more.)
Wyldfyre: (She looks away glumly.) Good one.
----
(At the Crossroads, the Zane-alike contest continues.)
Emcee: Round two! The power-alike round! It's time to ice blast these targets. Show us what you got!
Lobbo: Ice blast! Lobbo Lobbo! (He picks up ice cubes, but they stick to his hand. The judges give him low scores.)
Emcee: Ooh. Uh, better luck next time, Lobbo. Tope-Epot! Care to give it a whirl?
(Tope-Epot throws his ice cubes and hits all three targets. The crowd cheers, and the judges give high scores.)
Emcee: That was cool! (She pretends to shiver.) Get it? (The judges still don't find her funny.) Okay, moving on. Blane, you're up!
(Zane uses his ice powers, but Lobbo's ice cube comes free and hits him on the head, causing him to hit the Emcee instead. The emcee is sent flying.)
Zane: My deepest apologies! (He gets zeroes from all the judges.)
----
(In the Lava-Tides' village, Kai and Wyldfyre peer down the pit where the Core is.)
Kai: Another pit? Why is it always pits when I hang out with you?
Wyldfyre: Oh well, we gave it a shot. (She shrugs and walks away.)
Kai: Where are you headed off to? We need that Core!
Wyldfyre: Look, Kai. It's called the "Pit of No Return" for a reason. And I like returning. It's a thing I always do after going.
Kai: This is too important. We can't just walk away!
Wyldfyre: I can. Watch. See? Don't worry. I'll let everyone know what happened to you. Maybe someone will be sad.
Kai: (He sighs.) You're right. I'll never get out of this alive. Unless, maybe... if you were to lead me?
Wyldfyre: (She stops and turns around.) Well... yeah! Now that you mention it, my leadership is your only hope.
----
(At the Zane-alike contest, Mr. Frohicky encourages Zane.)
Frohicky: One last round, sir. I'm confident a legend like you can win this.
Emcee: Okay, contestants! Get ready for the tech-alike round! Zane was a tech genius. To prove you're like him, you must reprogram these ordinary toasters to do something cool in under thirty seconds! And go!
Lobbo: Party toaster online! Lobbo Lobbo! (He makes his toaster emit lights and shoot fireworks, getting a high score.)
Tope-Epot: (He presses his toaster lever, but it only smokes and falls over.) Eh. I made a... a sideways toaster. (He gets a very low score.)
Zane: Simply by rewriting this humble toaster's operating system, I shall create a device that walks your dog, cleans your room, and files your taxes automatically. (He connects a wire to the toaster.)
Emcee: Is there a problem, Blane?
Zane: I've been offline for some time. It seems there are updates I must install.
Emcee: You understand there's a time limit. Three, two, one, and time's up! And the winner is... Lobbo! The most Zane person alive!
Lobbo: Lobbo Lobbo!
----
(At the Lava-Tides' village, Kai and Wyldfyre slide down the Pit of No Return.)
Kai: What was that? Huh? I said we should go carefully!
Wyldfyre: As leader, I decided careful was boring. You're welcome! (She reaches down towards a pile of melons.)
Kai: What are you doing? Eat Wyldmelons later! First, we need to live!
Wyldfyre: No — I can almost reach — (The Core lands before her.)
Kai: The Core!
----
(At the Crossroads, Zane sits on the stage glumly after the contest.)
Zane: How could I have lost the me-alike competition? Did the Merge change me? Am I not the Zane I once was?
Frohicky: The way others see us isn't always the way we truly are. But I see you, and you are the same hero you've always been, my good sir.
Gulch: My condolences, friend. Yours was an admirable attempt.
Zane: And yet, I failed.
Gulch: Zane had such impressive shoes to fill. No one could live up to him. Maybe not even Zane himself! But here's your third place prize. (He gives Zane an envelope.) A gift card for Kreel's Junkyard! Use it to build something incredible, as Zane would have done.
Frohicky: Excellent work, Blane! The wyconi-whatsit will be ours!
----
(In the Pit of No Return, Wyldfyre reaches for the Dragon Core.)
Wyldfyre: Just a little closer!
Kai: The vine is breaking!
Wyldfyre: (She grabs the Core.) Got it!
(The vine snaps and they fall, but Wyldfyre grabs a ledge in time. Two melons fall onto the pile of melons below.)
Wyldfyre: Going up! Why'd they even call this a Pit of No Return? We're gonna return so hard right now. (They hear a buzzing noise, and wasps burst from the melons.) Uh oh. Remember how I said some Wyldmelons are infested?
Kai: Yeah, with a — death wasps!
(They leap upwards, boosting each other. Kai breaks boulders with his fire to seal the wasps, and they make it out of the pit.)
Kai: We're alive. I can't believe it!
Wyldfyre: And we have the Core!
Dorama: (He appears from behind in a wig and snatches the Core.) Think again! Your prize has been stolen by a handsome and mysterious stranger. But you'll never guess his true identity!
Kai: Aren't you that Dorama guy?
Dorama: Surprise! It is I, Dorama, with my trusty stagehands. (The stagehands stand behind him.) And this will be your curtain call!
Kai: Ugh. I hope my sister's having an easier time than we are.
----
(In the skies, Nya and Sora fly on dragons through lightning. They land on a mountaintop.)
Nya: According to the spirit, the Dragon Core we need should be right... (She pushes open a door, only to find a deep tunnel.)
Sora: This can't be good.
(End of the episode. For more information, click here.)
Category:Transcript
Category:2023
Category:Season 1 (Dragons Rising)