Nilfgaardian Lampoon

Nilfgaardian Lampoon is a collection of five letters in . They are all obtainable in Rivia.
==Letter 1 ==
=== Journal entry ===
:I, Queen Meve, hereby proclaim that, upon regaining my throne, I shall raise the geld and poll tax threefold in order to ensure the realm's populace has appropriately compensated the Royal Treasury for wartime expenses incurred. Similarly, I shall increase compulsory labor twofold. Whosoever attempts to withhold property from royal collectors shall have their hands severed at the wrist and their eyes gouged with a red-hot iron.
== Letter 2 ==
=== Journal entry ===
:Attention elves, dwarves, halflings, and other vile non-humans! I, Queen Meve, hereby proclaim that, upon regaining my throne, you shall be punished for aiding the enemy in wartime. Your affiliation or lack thereof with the so-called Squirrels is unimportant, for treacherous blood nevertheless flows through your veins - and it must be split.
:- Her Majesty by Right Divine, Queen Meve of Lyria and Rivia
== Letter 3 ==
=== Journal entry ===
:I, Queen Meve, hereby proclaim that, upon regaining my throne, I shall restore the Right of the First Night - effective immediately. Thus, any of my subjects who intend to marry must first appear at court to satisfy my desires for three days and nights. Should any man prove unable to satisfactorily fulfill this task, I shall personally deprive him of his masculinity.
== Letter 4 ==
=== Journal entry ===
:I, Queen Meve, hereby proclaim that whosoever had aided the Nilfgaardian war effort shall face punishment of the highest severity. Whosoever had bartered with, repaired equipment for, or eaten fare made by a Nilfgaardian shall receive thirty lashes. Finally, whosoever has taught them our language or served as guide shall be executed in the slowest possible manner.
== Letter 5 ==
=== Journal entry ===
:Rivians! I, Queen Meve, hereby proclaim that, upon regaining our homeland, I shall immediately cease all production within local workshops and forges. All goods thereafter shall be imported from our comrades' workshops in Mahakam. As you are well aware, dwarven craftsmanship has consistently demonstrated undeniable superiority in quality over domestic goods.
Category:Thronebreaker letters and reports