Election Night in the Shallow Seas: Battle for the Control of the Senate

Election Night in the Shallow Seas: Battle for the Control of the Senate is the sixth episode of season four, and the thirty-third episode overall, of No Malarkey in Bikini Bottom. It premiered on January 20, 2021.
==Plot==
With control of the Senate resting on the results of the Georgia run-offs, a variety of forces attempt to ensure they go their way.
==Transcript==
[The episode opens at BBTV Studios.]
Mr. Perkins: Democrats have won the White House and the House of Representatives, but to win the Senate, they need to pick up both seats in Georgia’s runoff election, currently controlled by Republicans David Perdue and Kelly Loeffler. Let’s see how the Democratic challengers, SpongeJon Ossoff and Raphael Warnock, are doing.
[Cut to a press conference.]
Mr. Ossoff: Hi, how ya doing—
Mr. Krabs: Admit it! You two are communists!
Mr. Ossoff: I’m not! I don’t know about Raphael, but I’m definitely not!
Mr. Krabs: I’m keeping my eye on you, SpongeJonny, or should I say, DRIL! Anyways, Raphael, if I recall correctly, you support Medicare For All? Aha, COMMUNISM 101!
Mr. Warnock: That was a long time ago! I’ve changed!
Mr. Krabs: Really?
Mr. Warnock: Yes.
Mr. Krabs: [pounds his claws on the conference table] REALLY?
Mr. Warnock: Yes, really, I swear!
Mr. Krabs: I don’t believe either of you. Imagine thinking you’re fighters for the working class. What a joke. If you really wanted to help them, you would believe in our current form of capitalism, like me and the great Senators Perdue and Loeffler! Now they are true fighters for the working class!
[Cut to Mr. Banana’s House.]
Mr. Banana: Alright, which stocks do you two want to invest in?
Mr. Perdue: More stocks for streaming services, gotta prepare for the third wave.
Mr. Banana: Third wave? I thought the CDC said—
Mr. Perdue: Ah, the commoners health agency. Good thing we have private sources to give us a heads up—
Mrs. Loeffler: [whispers to Mr. Perdue] Shut up!
Mr. Banana: Nah, it’s okay, all my politician clients do this, even Mr. Pineapple!
Mrs. Loeffler: I see. Thanks for all the work! [shakes Mr. Banana’s hand]
Mr. Banana: Anything to be productive!
Mr. Purdue: We’re happy to keep doing this for another six years. Nothing can go wrong.
[Cut to the White House.]
Mrs. McEnany: Donald, can you at least tone down your “STOP THE STEAL!” rhetoric? If we want to keep the Senate, we should not turn ourselves into a party that wants to overturn a legitimate election.
Mr. Trump: Oh, you want me to tone down facts? Absolutely not! Say treasonous things like that again and you’re fired!
Mr. Lobster: You know who else is treasonous? Senators Purdue and Loeffler. They haven’t said a word about how your election was stolen! Hmm...smells like a bunch of RINOs to me! As with all RINOs, they must be defeated at all costs! I say we steal their election, by you launching a write-in campaign! It’ll put them in your shoes, and makes sure every Republican from now on always fights for YOU, OUR PRESIDENT DONALD J. TRUMP, and not follow the RINO path!
Mrs. McEnany: That’s so stupid, you can’t launch a write-in campaign for a run-off election, all the votes for you would be marked invalid. Also, that would really go against our interests—
Mr. Trump: Great idea!
[Cut to a hallway outside the Senate chamber.]
Mr. Rubio: I strongly suggest we Republicans support $2000 stimulus checks. It’s an incredibly popular position, and we have a close election that would decide control of the Senate tomorrow.
Mr. McConnell: Eh, I think $600 is fine.
Mr. Paul: $600? $2000? What are we, a communist state?! Most Bikini Bottomites don’t even need stimulus checks! This is just another plot to make everyone a big government slave.
[Cut to the Georgia Democratic Party headquarters.]
Mr. Ossoff: What do we do, Barack? Every time Raphael and I are on the campaign trail, we get reminded of our left-wing past!
Mr. Obama: Ah, I remember my left-wing past. Good times. Did you know I read Foucault in college to impress a girl? I wonder how she would feel now about my outstanding [flexes muscles] war crimes. Anyways, just be firm on your current right-wing beliefs. Whenever they try to bring up your past, drown it out with a call for fascism!
Mr. Warnock: I hope this works.
[A montage begins.]
Mr. Ossoff: Who supports the Green New Deal? Not me!
[Fossil fuel lobbyists cheer.]
Mr. Warnock: Who supports Medicare For All? Not me!
[Big Pharma lobbyists cheer.]
Mr. Ossoff: Who supports abolishing ICE? Not me!
[Private prison lobbyists cheer.]
Mr. Warnock: Who supports equal rights for Palestinians? Not me!
[Pro-Israel lobbyists cheer.]
Mr. Ossoff & Mr. Warnock: Unlike Perdue and Loeffler, who are the real fascists? US!
[A crowd of fascists led by Mr. Lobster cheer.]
Mr. Lobster: You two sound great, but we’re writing in OUR PRESIDENT DONALD J. TRUMP!
Mr. Ossoff: That’s so stupid, you can’t write him in for a run-off election, all the votes for him would be marked invalid. Also, that would really go against your interests—
Mr. Warnock: [whispers to Mr. Ossoff] Shut up!
Mr. Lobster: OFF TO THE POLLS! WE SHALL WIN THIS FIGHT AGAINST THE RINOS!
[The montage ends.]
[Cut to the Georgia Democratic Party headquarters, where the TV is playing.]
Mr. Perkins: [on the TV] Good evening, Bikini Bottom! Right now, we’re seeing polls for the Georgia Senate races, and we expect this to be one of the most closest races of the 2020 election season.
Mr. Ossoff: Hopefully we’ll win.
Mr. Perkins: This just in, the first polling station has closed! It reports that 60% of the votes went to Perdue and Loeffler, 30% went to Ossoff and Warnock, and 10% were marked invalid as they went to Trump, who recently announced a write-in campaign for both seats, even though that’s against the rules in a run-off election.
Mr. Ossoff: Damnit, I knew we weren’t right-wing enough!
Mr. Perkins: Also, a non-binding referendum on sending $2000 stimulus checks was asked on the ballot, and 80% voted for it.
Mr. Warnock: Hmm...that gives me an idea!
[Mr. Warnock takes out his phone and turns on the video camera.]
Mr. Warnock: Hey, if you vote for Jon and I, we’ll guarantee you $2000 stimulus checks!
[Mr. Warnock uploads the video to all his social media accounts.]
Mr. Ossoff: Raphael, what the hell are you doing?! We’re supposed to be right-wingers, not left-wingers!
Mr. Warnock: It’s obviously not working, and the support for the checks is too high to resist!
Mr. Ossoff: We’re doomed.
[Cut to a polling line.]
Mr. Rechid: [checks his phone and sees Mr. Warnock’s video] Huh, Ossoff and Warnock are guaranteeing $2000 stimulus checks! I’m definitely voting for them!
Mr. Peterson: Really?! I’ll also vote for them!
Mr. Rechid: [shouts out to the line] Hey, if you want $2000, vote Ossoff and Warnock!
Voters: [chanting] TWO THOUSAND! TWO THOUSAND! TWO THOUSAND!
[Cut back to the Georgia Democratic Party Headquarters.]
Mr. Perkins: [on the TV] A breaking development, Warnock released a video guaranteeing his and Ossoff’s support for $2000 stimulus checks! Polling stations that closed after the video’s release are reporting up to 60% of the votes going to the two Democrats!
Mr. Ossoff: Maybe we’re not doomed.
[A few hours pass.]
Mr. Perkins: Well, I’ve seen enough. BBTV now projects that SpongeJon Ossoff and Raphael Warnock have been elected to the Bikini Bottom Senate with 49% of the total vote, defeating incumbents David Perdue and Kelly Loeffler, who received 48% of the total vote, and 3% of the total vote was marked invalid as they went to Trump. As Ossoff and Warnock are Democrats, this means the Senate will be in their control for the next two years.
Mr. Ossoff & Mr. Warnock: WOOHOO, WE’RE SENATORS!
[Suddenly, Mr. Warnock’s phone rings.]
Mr. Warnock: [answers it] Hello?
Mr. Schumer: [on the phone] It’s Chuck, the future Senate Majority Leader, thanks to you and SpongeJon! We’re very happy to have you two on board with us!
Mr. Warnock: Thanks! So...what now?
Mr. Schumer: Get ready for a lifetime of sweet lobbyist cash!
Mr. Warnock: Sounds like fun! But before we do that, we have to respect the promise we made to our constituents. When will you bring the $2000 stimulus check bill to a vote?
[Suddenly, Mr. Schumer begins maniacally laughing.]
Mr. Warnock: Uh, hello?
[Mr. Schumer continues maniacally laughing.]
Mr. Warnock: [uneasily laughs] Hilarious, I know. [hangs up]
[Cut to the White House, where the TV is playing.]
Mrs. McEnany: Oh. My. God. The Republican candidates combined got 51% of the vote, but the Democrats won, which means—
Mr. Lobster: We split the vote! Now these traitors now what it’s like to have an election stolen from them!
Mrs. McEnany: You fool! Democrats will control both chambers of Congress AND the White House! You destroyed our one chance at stopping Biden’s agenda!
Mr. Lobster: It was a necessary sacrifice. From now on, REPUBLICANS MUST ALWAYS FIGHT FOR OUR PRESIDENT DONALD J. TRUMP if they want to survive politically, and following the RINO path leads to a dead end! Victory is ours!
[The episode ends.]
==Trivia==
*The name of the episode is based on Election Night in the Shallow Seas: Battle for the Soul of the Nation.
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