Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel/Transcript

==Transcript==
===Scene #1: Concert Disaster===
[A loud guitar riff is heard, followed by a high-pitched giggle.]
:Alvin: We're baaack!
[Fox 2000 Pictures and Regency Enterprises present]
[Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel]
:Alvin: Let's go!
[We finally see the Chipmunks on stage, with Alvin in front of his brothers playing a chipmunk-sized red guitar while Simon and Theodore dance behind him. They have come to Paris, France with their adoptive father, Dave, for a charity concert for the Save The Music foundation. The concert has just begun and Alvin jumps onto a guitarist's shoulder as he played his guitar, smiling as he watched the hundreds of fans in the audience scream and shout in excitement. Alvin then jumps off the guitarist's shoulder and lands in front of his brothers. He gets on his knees and slides down the neck of the giant guitar platform he was standing on and started playing an awesome guitar riff. He gets up when he reaches the edge of the platform and smiles teasingly at the dozens of fans reaching their arms out to him. Alvin winks at them and starts singing, his brothers joining in afterwards.]
:Chipmunks: ♪ Girl! You really got me now! You got me so I don't know what I'm doin'. Girl! You really got me now! You got me so I can't sleep at night. ♪
[Several fans in Mexico watch the concert on a jumbo-tron in a huge stadium; Alvin is on the screen, singing his heart out as he plays his guitar.]
:Alvin: ♪ Girl! You really got me now! You got me so I don't know where I'm goin'. ♪
[An Alaskan family watches the concert from their igloo.]
:Alvin: ♪ Oh yeah! You really got me now! You got me so I can't sleep at night! ♪
[The family's husky dog suddenly barks at the screen and jumps onto the TV, knocks it over and starts scratching at the screen, despite the family's protest. Back in Paris, Alvin continues to show off and hog the spotlight.]
:Alvin: ♪ Yeah, you really got me! ♪
[Alvin jumps onto one of the amps and plays another riff. SNAP! Alvin looks at his guitar; one of the strings has snapped.]
:Alvin: Nuts!
[Alvin bounds off backstage to get a replacement guitar.]
:Alvin: Gimme the Black Beauty!
[Alvin starts to go return to the stage, when Dave stops him.]
:Dave Seville: Alvin, take it easy out there. You gotta share the spotlight.
:Alvin: You got it, Dave!
[Alvin heads off to return to the stage, but Dave steps on his guitar reel.]
:Alvin: Uh, Dave!
:Dave: I'm serious, Alvin. This is a charity benefit. It's not all about you.
:Alvin: Sorry, Dave, I can't hear you over the thousands of fans screaming my name!
[Alvin pulls the cord to his guitar and bounds back to the stage.]
:Alvin: I'm back, Paris!
[Alvin hurls his tiny guitar high in the air and over the railing.]
:Alvin: Yeah! A little help, boys?
[Simon and Theodore toss Alvin in the air and he catches his guitar and swings by the cable; swinging, Alvin becomes huge on the stadium video screen; he swings high onto the scaffolding, show-boating like mad.]
:Alvin: Yeah, man!
:Dave: Alvin, will you please get down from there?
:Alvin: I can't hear you!
[Alvin holds onto an electrical cord; by now, even Simon and Theodore are cornered that Alvin might be taking this too far.]
:Dave: [in a warning tone] Alvin! I'm not kidding!
:Alvin: What?!
[Suddenly, the cord Alvin is holding on to comes unplugged.]
:Alvin: Whoa!
[Alvin stumbles backwards for a minute but quickly grabs the side of the beam before he falls; unfortunately, the cord he pulled out causes a chain reaction, resulting in a giant Alvin cutout coming loose; it begins to swing forward and Alvin sees Dave in its path.]
:Alvin: DAVE! LOOK OUT!
:Dave: Huh?
[Dave turns around in confusion, but just as he does, the cutout hits him, sending him flying across the stage.]
:Dave: ALVIIIIIN!!
[CRASH! Dave has crashed into something offstage, resulting in a loud crash that halts the whole concert.]
:Simon/Theodore: DAVE!
[The audience gasps; Alvin hangs upside-down on his guitar cord and looks towards the crash site.]
:Alvin: Oh, Dave! Dave?
[Alvin frowns nervously when there is no sound after the crash.]
===Scene #2: Another Accident===
[After the accident, Dave is rushed to the hospital; he lays on a hospital bed, his body covered in casts and bandages; the doctor gives Dave a small needle.]
:Doctor: This should help with the pain.
:Dave: I wanna talk to my boys.
:Doctor: I just gave you a sedative that will take effect in about one minute. So, uh…we'll let them in quickly.
[The doctor walks to the other side of the room; a female nurse opens the door and lets the Chipmunks in.]
:Theodore: Dave!
:Alvin: Dave!
:Simon: Dave, you're alive!
:Dave: Hey, guys!
:Alvin: It was an accident, I swear!
:Theodore: Are you okay?
:Alvin: I'm really sorry, Dave.
:Dave: I'll be fine. I'm just gonna be stuck here for a while. And until I get out, I've made arrangements for my Aunt Jackie to come stay with you.
:Alvin: Who's Aunt Jackie?
:Theodore: The one who sends us those metal buckets of yummy popcorn for Christmas.
:Alvin: Oh, Popcorn Jackie.
:Nurse: You don't have much time, monsieur Seville.
:Dave: Uh, listen. I want you guys to go home and, live a normal childhood. I've even made arrangements for you to go to school.
:Chipmunks: School?!
:Dave: Yes, school. Simon, I'm putting you in charge.
:Simon: You are?
:Dave: I'm…counting on…you…
[Dave loses his consciousness.]
:Alvin: Dave, wait a minute! Why is he in charge?
:Simon: Whoa. He's counting on me.
:Theodore: Dave, please don't die.
:Nurse: He's just sleeping. He's had a sedative.
:Theodore: Oh, a sedative.
[A woman comes to escort the Chipmunks home.]
:Woman: Excuse me. I'm here to escort the Chipmunks home.
:Alvin: We're not leaving Dave! I'm putting my paw down on this one!
:Nurse: You come here!
[Alvin runs amok, messing with the hospital bed and causing Dave to go up and down, Theodore to crash into a trash can, and Simon to fall in the sink.]
:Alvin: Oops.
:Simon/Theodore: Whoa!
:Alvin: I got it. I'll fix it. Nope, made it worse.
:Doctor: Please. Please go.
:Alvin: Oh, this must be it. Uh-oh.
:Doctor: The more stress you put on monsieur Seville, the longer it will take him to recover!
:Alvin: Whoa! Uh-uh. You are too slow for me, nurse.
:Doctor: No, don't—
:Alvin: You'll never take me! I'm not going anywhere without Daaa—
[The doctor injects Alvin with sedative, making him go loopy.]
:Alvin: —aaaydream believer and a homecoming queen.
[And Alvin drops onto the bed all conked out.]
:Doctor: I hope for your sake he stays asleep for the entire flight.
:Simon: Maybe we should give him another shot, just to be sure. [gasps] Ugh.
[The Chipmunks land at the airport; they look around the airport as they ride down the escalator.]
:Simon: Any ideas on how we find Aunt Jackie?
[Theodore sniffs, picking up the scent of popcorn.]
:Theodore: Got it! Follow me.
[The Chipmunks grab their suitcases and run down the escalator, dodging several people and luggage.]
:Theodore: Excuse me. Ooh, sorry. Woo! Excuse me. Coming through. Look! Aunt Jackie!
:Simon: Oh, yeah! Aunt Jackie!
:Alvin: Popcorn Jackie!
[The Chipmunks meet up with Aunt Jackie sitting in a wheelchair in front of a staircase with a bucket of popcorn in her lap; standing next to her is a man in his twenties playing a video game; he is Toby, Aunt Jackie's grandson and Dave's immature and lazy cousin.]
:Aunt Jackie: Oh, hello, dears!
:Simon: Cool wheelchair.
:Theodore: Yay, we found you!
:Alvin: Popcorn! Where's Simon and Theodore's?
:Aunt Jackie: Oh, there's plenty for everyone. But let's have a hug first.
:Theodore: Oh!
:Alvin: Get over here, you old teddy bear!
:Simon: I'm not really much of a hugger.
:Aunt Jackie: Oh! Boys, I want you to meet someone, this is my grandson, Toby. Toby?
[Toby, his eyes still glued to his game, pays no attention.]
:Theodore: Hi! I'm Theodore!
:Aunt Jackie: Toby.
[Aunt Jackie pulls out Toby's earbuds.]
:Toby Seville: [slightly startled] Huh? What? What happened?
:Aunt Jackie: The boys.
:Toby: Oh hey.
:Theodore: Hi!
:Toby: [unenthusiastically] Hey, how are you? I'm Toby, nice to meet you.
:Aunt Jackie: Toby's living with me till he figures out what he wants to do with his life. So far, that means going "pyu! Pyu-pyu-pyu-pyu!" with his thumbs all day.
:Toby: Well, for the record, going "pyu-pyu-pyu-pyu-pyu!" with my thumbs right now is keeping me in first place, so that's important.
:Aunt Jackie: Toby, get the bags.
:Toby: What bags?
:Aunt Jackie: The luggage, get the luggage.
:Toby: The— oh, the lug— right. Yeah, let me get those.
[While getting the Chipmunks' luggage, Toby bumps against Aunt Jackie, making her go back towards the staircase behind them.]
:Toby: Oh, sorry.
:Aunt Jackie: Toby?
:Simon: Hit the brakes! Hit the brakes!
[Aunt Jackie and the Chipmunks begin to roll down the stairs.]
:Alvin: Abandon wheelchair!
[The Chipmunks quickly jump off the wheelchair; Toby looks back and sees Aunt Jackie rolling down the stairs.]
:Aunt Jackie: Toby-y-y-y! Toby!
[When Toby reaches the stairs, Aunt Jackie has stopped rolling.]
:Aunt Jackie: I'm fine, don't worry.
[But the relief is short-lived when Aunt Jackie continues rolling down the stairs; reaching the floor below Toby and the Chipmunks, she rolls in front of a man on a mobility scooter, and there is a loud crash. CRASH! Yeah, kinda like that. The Chipmunks run to the top of the stairs and wince when they see the accident.]
:Alvin: Ow.
[Some time later, Aunt Jackie is lifted into the ambulance.]
:Toby: I'm so sorry, Aunt Jackie! I'm so sorry! Is she gonna be okay?
:Aunt Jackie: [still in pain] Don't worry about me, I'll be home in no time.
:Paramedic: In you go.
[As the ambulance doors close, one of the doctors frowns and turns to Toby.]
:Doctor: I wouldn't be so sure.
[The doctor walks off and the ambulance drives away.]
:Toby: [still in shock] What? It was an accident! I swear!
:Alvin: Been there, done that. Several times.
[The Chipmunks follow Toby as he carries Aunt Jackie's broken wheelchair to his car.]
:Theodore: I guess you'll be taking care of us now?
:Alvin: I'll take "frightening thoughts" for five hundred, please, Alex.
[Toby struggles to put the wheelchair on the back of his car while holding the Chipmunks' bags in his other hand; he speaks with the car keys in his mouth.]
:Toby: Not a problem, I can totally do this. I took care of my cat.
[When Toby finally gets the wheelchair on the car, he takes the keys out of his mouth.]
:Toby: Until he ran away.
[When Toby opens the door for the Chipmunks, they get in their seat.]
:Toby: Well, "ran away" is kind of strong wording. I think he just wanted his space. I still see him around the neighborhood, you know. [gets in the driver's seat and closes the door] He like, hisses and claws at me, but I think that's just his way of saying we're still tight, you know?
[Toby carelessly throws the Chipmunks' bags into the backseat and puts his seatbelt on.]
:Toby: You guys have nothing to worry about. Seriously. 'Cause I'm not gonna be like Dave, you know Dave's gone.
:Theodore: [frantic] GONE?!
:Toby: Not gone. Not gone, guys. He's-he's not dead, he's very much alive. He's completely coming back. I'm just gonna be in his room, keeping his bed warm. I'm gonna be doing my thing, you'll be doing your thing, you're not even gonna know I'm there.
:Simon: Uh, we're supposed to know you're there. That's, uh, that's the whole idea.
:Toby: Yeah. Yeah, oh yeah! Absolutely, yeah, you'll know that I'm there. [puts on the Chipmunks' seatbelt] I'm just saying, I'm not gonna be like, "I know everything and, you do this, and you do that." Like my dad. Alright, let's do this!
[Toby picks up Aunt Jackie's crushed popcorn bucket, throwing it onto the Chipmunks' seat before putting the key in ignition.]
:Alvin: Oh boy.
[The Chipmunks give each other worried looks; Toby drives out of the parking lot, not noticing Aunt Jackie's wheelchair falling off the back of the car.]
===Scene #3: Home Again===
[That night, the Chipmunks make a get-well card for Dave.]
:Simon: Theodore, we're gonna be just fine. The important thing is we're all still alive.
:Theodore: Well, maybe my get-well card will help Dave get home faster.
[Alvin opens up the card and looks at the inside.]
:Alvin: Um, it needs just a touch more glitter.
[Alvin takes a bottle of glitter and sprinkles all of it on the paper; he throws the bottle down.]
:Alvin: Yep, that should do it. Who's hungry?
:Theodore: [raising his paw] Ooh, ooh! Me, me! Me, me!
:Simon: Let's eat.
[The Chipmunks make their way to the kitchen; Theodore and Simon search the empty cabinet.]
:Theodore: Nada. Simon?
:Simon: It's a food ghost town in here. Alvin?
[The cabinet door next to Simon is kicked open, revealing Alvin with a bag of cheese balls.]
:Alvin: Holla! The cheese balls are in the hizzouse!
[Alvin drops the bag on the counter and jumps down.]
:Alvin: ♪ Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk, I'm a Cheese Balls man, no time to talk. ♪
[As Alvin sings, he tosses the bag onto the counter in the middle of the kitchen and jumps across.]
:Alvin: ♪ Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother, you gotta love cheese balls, gotta love cheese balls. ♪
[Alvin dances in place and starts jumping onto the bag.]
:Alvin: ♪ Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! ♪
[Simon and Theodore smile as they jump onto the counter.]
:Alvin: ♪ Get in my belly, cheese balls, get in there. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Stayin' aliiiiiiii… ♪
[Alvin points up as he holds a high note, looks up, sees several pots and pans hanging above him, jumps up, and hits one of the pans, knocking it down and making it fall onto the bag.]
:Alvin: ♪ …iiiiiiiive! ♪
[The weight of the pan causes the bag to open, and several cheese balls to fly out of it in the process; Alvin lands next to the bag.]
:Alvin: Bingo! Dinner, she's a-served.
:Theodore: Yay! All right!
[Simon and Theodore pick up some cheese balls; Toby runs in, having heard the noise, and wearing a headset and holding a game controller in his right hand.]
:Toby: Hey! What're you doing in here?
:Alvin: [holding a cheese ball in his paw] Uh…cheese ball?
:Voice from Toby's Headset: Dude, let's go! Come on!
:Toby: Uh, Tom-bo, hey hey, give me a second, real quick. Alvin, I really, really need to focus right now, because I am one knockout away from a heavyweight title.
:Simon: Ooh, can we play as well?
:Toby: Uh, you know, I don't wanna hurt your feelings, but I also don't wanna see anybody get hurt, and there are gonna be fists of fury a-flying.
:Theodore: We can play Monopoly. We play Monopoly with Dave all the time.
:Toby: Do ya? That sou— That sounds fun, and we should do that sometime. But right now, I gotta get back to floating like a butterfly and stinging like a bee. So… [runs out of the room] Hey, Tom-bo, you still there, buddy?
[The Chipmunks stare at the doorway Toby had just ran through for a few moments.]
:Simon: Ah, who needs Toby, Theodore? You got us.
:Alvin: Yeah, who needs Toby? Boys, right this way.
[Alvin jumps off the counter; the Chipmunks ride in a bowl in a blender at high speed; the bowl spins faster as the Chipmunks laugh.]
:Alvin: ♪ You spin me right 'round ♪
:Chipmunks: ♪ Baby, right 'round, like a record, baby, right 'round, 'round, 'round. Ahhhhhhhh! ♪
[The bowl spins so fast that the Chipmunks end up in a pot rack.]
:Theodore: Whoa!
:Alvin: [laughs hysterically] I'm gonna puke! Wait, hey, do you know what Dave would say if he were here right now?
:Simon/Theodore: "ALVINNN!!!"
:Alvin: Not bad, but I think it needs to come more from the belly.
:Chipmunks: "ALVIIIIIIN!"
[The Chipmunks laugh hysterically. RING-RING! They stop laughing immediately when they hear the phone on the counter ringing.]
:Simon: Oh. Phone! Get it together.
:Alvin: Yee-haw!
[Alvin and Simon jump onto the counter.]
:Simon: Shh, shh, shh, be cool.
[Alvin and Simon answer the phone.]
:Alvin/Simon: [slowly] Hello?
:Dave: Boys, it's me.
:Simon: DAVE!
:Alvin: Dave as in, "Dave"?
[The nurse is holding Dave's phone for him to talk into in Paris.]
:Dave: Well, I guess since you answered the phone, you haven't burned down the house yet.
:Alvin: Have a little faith, Dave.
:Theodore: Yeah! [falls off the pot rack] Mayday!
[Theodore lands on a pan but has put too much force on it and the pan hits the floor.]
:Dave: What was that?
:Simon: [whispers to Alvin] Don't stress him out.
:Alvin: Uh, that was Aunt Jackie. Yeah. She's making us a zesty five-course meal. [chuckles]
:Dave: Really? Well, can I talk to her?
:Theodore: She's practicing her pole dancing.
[Alvin and Simon look at each other, incredulous, and Theodore just shrugs, not knowing what he said.]
:Dave: Pole dancing? What happened to making dinner? Guys, what's going on?
:Alvin: Gotta go, Dave!
:Dave: Alvin, I'm not kidding.
:Alvin: Feel better!
:Dave: ALVIIIN—!
[BEEP! Alvin hangs up the phone.]
:Alvin: Yep, nobody does that better than him.
===Scene #4: School Days===
[That night, the Chipmunks are fast asleep peacefully in their chair; Theodore whimpers and rolls around in his sleep. His whimpers get louder and louder until…]
:Theodore: AH!
[Theodore jerks awake, panting heavily as he tries to catch his breath. Shaken up from his nightmare, Theodore quietly pushes Dave's bedroom door open and sees Toby passed out in his bed after playing video games; he scurries into the room and jumps onto the bed, tugging lightly on Toby's sleeve.]
:Theodore: Toby?
[Toby doesn't wake up; Theodore tugs a little harder.]
:Theodore: Toby, wake up.
[Toby snorts and wakes up, startled; he looks down at Theodore.]
:Theodore: Oh, sorry.
:Toby: Huh? No, that's…that's uh, that's okay, what is it?
:Theodore: I had a nightmare.
:Toby: Oh, the nightmares, I hate the nightmares. What was it?
:Theodore: I dreamt we didn't have a family anymore.
:Toby: Oh, Theodore. Theodore, that couldn't happen. No, you guys are tight. Nothing could ever separate you.
[Theodore smiles.]
:Toby: Unless, like, an eagle swooped down from the sky and was like, "Caw-caw!"
[Theodore's smile disappears.]
:Theodore: What?
:Toby: And grabbed you and—
[Toby makes more noises and chuckles as he looks down at Theodore, who is backing away from him in fright.]
:Toby: Which-which couldn't happen, ever. So why would you--
[Theodore backs away so far, he falls off the edge of the bed.]
:Toby: Why would you ever think that that would ever happen?
[Still frightened, Theodore scurries out of the room.]
:Toby: You know, 'cause the Eagles are in Philadelphia!
:Theodore: No! No!
:Toby: Sweet dreams.
[The next morning, the alarm clock blares.]
:Alvin: Toby! Toby, make it stop!
[Toby lifts his face from his pillow and sees Alvin on the dresser.]
:Toby: What are you doing?
:Alvin: There's something wrong with the clock! It won't shut up! I can't sleep! AAAH!
[Toby turns off the alarm, Alvin giving him a confused look.]
:Toby: That's the point, it's an alarm clock, it helps you wake up early in the morning.
:Alvin: Why would anyone wanna wake up early?
:Toby: Well, for school. You gotta be there by 8.
:Alvin: In the morning?!
:Toby: Look, I don't like getting up this early any more than you do, but we are in this together, Alvin. Sooner you get to school, sooner I get to come home and get back to sleep.
[Toby walks out of the room. The Chipmunks jump onto the open car window as Toby walks with his car keys and a cup of coffee.]
:Theodore: You mean, you don't stay with us at school?
:Toby: No no no no no, no I've done my time, thank you very much.
:Theodore: But school is fun, right?
:Toby: [chuckling] Fun? Well, I guess maybe it's, uh, fun-ish.
[Toby puts his coffee on top of the car to open the door; just then, his eyes widen.]
:Toby: Hey, it's my cat!
[Toby is seeing a light brown cat standing near a bush.]
:Toby: Hey remember, I was telling you? Hey! Hey! Hey kitty, it's me! Remember?
[The cat hisses in a threatening manner; the Chipmunks are so startled that they fall backwards into the car.]
:Toby: I treated you good.
[Toby gets in the car as the cat continues to hiss and claw at him; Toby drives off, forgetting about his coffee cup which falls off the car. It is a new school day at West Eastman High; students are talking about assignments, after school activities, car washes, new music, and much more.]
:Joey Katsaros: ♪ C'mon, c'mon, c'mon! C'mon and do it now. Get up, get up, get up! Get up and move yourself. Go on, go on, go on! Go on and do it, yeah. Get up, get up, get up! It's time to bring it on. ♪
[Toby's car pulls up in front of the school.]
:Toby: Ok, here we go.
[Toby opens the door for the Chipmunks and they jump out.]
:Toby: Enjoy your first day at school! See ya around 3-ish!
[Toby closes the door and quickly drives off.]
:Simon: Ok…
[The Chipmunks look ahead. RRRIIIIIIIIIIINNNG! Many students start walking inside as the school bell rings.]
:Alvin: We got this. This'll be a walk in the park.
[Inside the school, Alvin and Simon scurry around like crazy, avoiding students walking by, running them over, and almost stepping on them.]
:Alvin: A chaotic and frightening walk in the park!
:Theodore: Hi, I'm Theodore. Hi, I'm Theodore. Hi, I'm—
:Alvin: Watch out!
:Simon: Look out!
:Theodore: Hi, I'm Th—
[The Chipmunks scurry again in different directions to avoid getting hit by a basketball; Theodore has gotten separated from his brothers and tries his best to avoid getting stepped on.]
:Simon: Guys? Guys?
:Theodore: Oh boy!
[Theodore gasps, looking at the floor with a picture of an eagle on it.]
:Theodore: Eagle!
[Theodore sees the school mascot (a guy in an eagle suit) riding on a skateboard towards him.]
:Mascot: GO EAGLES!
:Theodore: EAGLE! AAAH!
[Theodore crouches down and covers his eyes; the mascot trips over and falls down the stairs.]
:Mascot: WHOA!
[The mascot crashes with a painful cry from offscreen; the Chipmunks run to the staircase, witnessing the whole thing.]
:Theodore: That wasn't very fun…ish.
[A grown woman with short brown hair and a white blouse stands behind the Chipmunks; she is Dr. Rubin, the school's principal.]
:Dr. Rubin: Ahem.
[The Chipmunks turn around and see Dr. Rubin.]
:Dr. Rubin: You must be our new students. I'm Dr. Rubin, the principal.
:Theodore: And we're the Chipmunks!
[The Chipmunks do their pose.]
:Dr. Rubin: Yes, well, that would explain the fur and the bushy tails. Follow me, gentlemen.
:Alvin: Gentlemen? Oh, us. Right.
[The Chipmunks jump off of the railing. In Ms. Ortega's homeroom class, Ryan, the leader of the football team, tells a story to the other students.]
:Ryan: There was a minute left and we were down by two and I'm like, "Coach, I don't care if my leg's broken, put me in, I can win this."
:Becca: I never get tired of this story.
:Ryan: So I hobble out, barely able to stand…did I mention my leg was broken?
[There's a knock on the door; Ms. Ortega answers it, opening the door, and sees Dr. Rubin.]
:Dr. Rubin: Ms. Ortega?
:Ms. Ortega: Yes?
:Dr. Rubin: Good luck.
:Ms. Ortega: Thanks. [looks down to the Chipmunks] Hello guys, welcome to homeroom.
:Simon: Good to be here, I hope.
:Alvin: So this is a classroom. [sniffs] I love the smell of zit cream in the morning.
[Alvin and his brothers hop on the top of Ms. Ortega's desk.]
:Alvin: [to the female students] Hello, ladies.
[The female students see the Chipmunks and recognize them.]
:Female Student 1: Is that the Chipmunks?!
[The female students get up from their desks and run over to meet the Chipmunks.]
:Female Student 2: [excitedly] I love you, Alvin!
:Theodore: Hi, I'm Theodore. Hi, I'm Theodore.
:Simon: [covers Theodore's mouth] Yes, he's Theodore, in case you missed it. And I am Simon.
:Female Student 4: Aw!
:Alvin: The name's Seville. Alvin Seville.
[Alvin greets in French, kissing Becca's finger.]
:Becca: [flirtatiously] Ah…
[Ryan frowns as he watches Alvin steal all of his attention.]
:Ryan: Somebody's gonna have to knock those guys down to size.
:Xander: Well, that should be pretty easy. I mean, they're only eight inches tall.
[Meanwhile, on the other side of the city, not too far from the Chipmunks, is one of the richest record companies in Los Angeles: Jett Records. This is where many great singers get their start, including Alvin and the Chipmunks. One of the employees opens a trash chute in the kitchen and dumps some leftover food from breakfast into it. It goes down the chute and lands in a large trash dumpster below the building.]
:Someone Offscreen: I had fifteen cars.
[A hand starts searching through the garbage.]
:Someone Offscreen: I mean, that's like five more cars than anybody really needs.
[The hand belongs to a man with a bald head, black-rimmed glasses, and a red bathrobe. His name? Ian Hawke. Yes, after losing the Chipmunks, Ian lost his job and every cent he had. Now he lives in the basement below Jett Records and eats from the garbage just to survive.]
:Ian Hawke: I had seven maids. I had courtside seats to the Lakers.
[Ian fills a cup with water from the water value.]
:Ian: Even my maids had courtside seats to the Lakers.
[Ian turns off the value and walks back to the dumpster.] 
:Ian: And now look at me. LOOK AT ME!
[Ian is now talking to a rat that lives in the dumpster.]
:Ian: I lost everything. Except for my dignity, they can't take that away from me.
:Alvin on Radio: ♪ Girl! You really got me now! ♪
:Ian: And it's all because of them.
[Ian turns towards a radio that is playing the Chipmunks' music.]
:Alvin on Radio: ♪ You got me so I don't know where I'm goin'! ♪
[Ian throws the radio into the dumpster in frustration.]
:Ian: Oh hey! [pulls out a leftover muffin] Breakfast.
[Ian takes a bite out of the muffin.]
:Ian: Now I run around, hoping and praying that I can find other animals that can sing or dance. I mean…
[The rat squeaks.]
:Ian: Wait a second. You don't sing, do you?
[The rat steals Ian's muffin and runs into the dumpster.]
:Ian: Hey! Hey! That's my muffin!
[Ian jumps into the dumpster.]
:Ian: Give me my muffin, you dirty rat!
[Ian slowly rises out of the dumpster, covered head-to-toe in trash.]
:Ian: I will get you, Chipmunks.
[Ian takes a bite from the muffin. In front of the building, a FedEx truck arrives; the delivery man takes a box full of packages and walks into the building, not noticing that one package had fallen out of it; small, high-pitched female voices can be heard struggling from inside the small package.]
:Female Voice 1: Whoa! Girls, we gotta get out of here.
:Female Voice 2: I can't see.
:Female Voice 3: OW! Not on my nose!
:Female Voice 1: That's my tail!
:Female Voice 2: Sorry.
:Female Voice 1: Move your butt.
:Female Voice 2: Ok.
:Female Voice 1: Who's squishing me?
:All 3: Whoa!
[The package hits the pavement and falls down immediately; popping out of the package are the Chipettes, whose voices belonged to its following members: Brittany, Jeanette, and Eleanor.]
:Brittany: We made it! Jett Records!
:Jeanette: Woo!
[Suddenly, the Chipettes hear the sound of teeth being brushed; they see Ian brushing his teeth in a nearby fountain.]
:Brittany: Oh, my gosh, it's him! Ian Hawke! Uh, Mr. Hawke?
[Ian stops brushing.]
:Ian: That voice. I can't get it out of my head!
[The Chipettes jump closer to the fountain.]
:Brittany: Hello? Mr. Hawke!
:Ian: That's not in my head, that's really happening.
[Thinking it is the Chipmunks, Ian walks around the fountain to give the Chipettes a piece of his mind.]
:Ian: What do you want?!
:Eleanor: We want to introduce ourselves.
:Brittany: That's right. I'm Brittany, and this is my sister Eleanor.
:Eleanor: Hello, sir. Such a pleasure to meet you.
:Jeanette: And I'm their sister Jeanette. Although I feel more like an Olivia, or sometimes a--
:Brittany: Anyway, we're the Chipettes. And, well, we would just be so honored to have you represent us. You made Alvin and the Chipmunks stars, we wanna be stars too!
:Jeanette: Yeah!
:Eleanor: And hang out with the Chipmunks!
:Ian: Ok, now, listen, uh, before we get all girlie and giggly about this, uh, just tell me one thing. You can sing, right?
[The Chipettes huddle up and whisper to each other.]
:Ian: No no wait, hang on, not here. Um, why don't we take this meeting upstairs in my penthouse office?
:Brittany: Sure!
[Ian walks to the door, opening it and letting the Chipettes go inside first.]
:Eleanor: This is so exciting!
:Jeanette: We're really on our way now.
===Scene #5: Bullies===
[Ian and the Chipettes arrive at the top floor.]
:Brittany: Oh, my gosh! Guys, can you believe it?
:Eleanor: My first penthouse office!
[The Chipettes hop to the top of a sign that reads "Jett Records", amazed by the view; they can even see the Hollywood sign from where they are.]
:Jeanette: Wow!
:Eleanor: Oh, boy!
:Brittany: Oh, my. The Hollywood sign.
:Ian: Thought you might like the view. So, ladies, tell me a little something about yourselves.
:Brittany: Well, we grew up in a small town, population: 300, and—
:Ian: Yeah? Really? That's fascinating, great.
[Ian sits down at a table, putting his feet up.]
:Ian: Alright, impress me.
[The Chipettes huddle up, whispering to each other for a moment.]
:Brittany: 1, 2, 3.
[The Chipettes turn around and start singing.]
:Chipettes: ♪ Three little birds sat on my window, and they told me I don't need to worry ♪
:Brittany: ♪ Uhh-huh ♪
:Chipettes: ♪ Girl, put your records on, tell me your favorite song, you go ahead, let your hair down ♪
:Brittany: ♪ Go ahead and let your hair down ♪
:Chipettes: ♪ Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams, just go ahead, let your hair down. ♪
:Ian: [gets out of his chair] Girls, girls, girls, girls. [approaches the Chipettes] Guess who just became the number one Chipette fan in the whole dang world? Ian Hawke, that's who!
:Chipettes: Yay!
:Eleanor: Nice!
:Brittany: Oh, my gosh.
:Jeanette: Oh, my gosh!
:Eleanor: So when can we meet the Chipmunks?
:Ian: Uh…that's an excellent question. And the excellent answer is, uh, I don't really represent Alvin and the Chipmunks anymore.
:Eleanor: Oh no!
:Brittany: What happened?
:Ian: Oh, classic tale. Sweet and innocent when I met them. And they had nothing, and then, I work my butt off to make them rock stars and, they changed. Turned on me like bad cheese.
:Brittany: [in disbelief] No!
:Jeanette: Oh, that's terrible.
:Ian: [fake-sobbing] I know! I mean, I treated Alvin like he was my own son, you know? And then he just goes and spits on me. Literally. He filled his chipmunk cheeks with saliva and just had at it. And don't even get me started about Simon.
[Jeanette gasps.]
:Eleanor: But not Theodore, right?
:Ian: It's the cuddly ones you have to watch out for.
[Eleanor sighs.]
:Ian: But what are we talkin' about them for? Come on, they're over, tired, novelty act. Chipmunks who can sing.
[Ian brings his hand to his mouth and fake-yawns.]
:Ian: But.
[Ian looks at the Chipettes and smiles.]
:Ian: Girl chipmunks who can sing? Fasten your seatbelts.
[The Chipettes cheer. Back at the school, the Chipmunks are on a lunch table, and Alvin tells a story to the girls.]
:Alvin: So, I'm on Jay-Z's yacht, right? And I say, "Jay, where's Beyonce?" And he says, "She's holding a plate full of cheese balls, turn around," and guess what? She was!
[The female students laugh.]
:Simon: P.S., Dave left me in charge. Stayin' up 'till ten, every night. Oh, yeah.
[The female students laugh again.]
:Theodore: Hey girls, look what I can do.
[Theodore places a tater tot on the edge of a fork; he stomps his foot on the other end of it and the tater tot goes flying into his mouth.]
:Girls: Aw!
:Female Student 1: You are Theodore-able!
:Theodore: Thank you.
:Female Student 2: You're so cute.
[Ryan walks by, "accidentally on purpose" knocking Alvin's food tray onto the floor.]
:Ryan: Oops. Oh! I am so sorry.
:Alvin: It's cool, no harm done.
:Ryan: Not yet. Girls, please? Private conference. Thank you!
[The female students get up and leave; Ryan places his tray on the table and looks at the Chipmunks.]
:Ryan: Listen up, rock stars. If you talk to those girls again, you're dead. If you look at those girls again, you're dead. If you even think about those girls…are you thinking about them?
:Alvin: Well, I am now…
:Ryan: That's it. You're DEAD!
[Ryan tries to catch the Chipmunks, but they run out of the cafeteria.]
:Chipmunks: RUN!
:Ryan: Xander, come on! Get back here, you dirty rats!
[The Chipmunks jump onto a stair railing and slide down, with Ryan, Xander and five other boys in hot pursuit.]
:Alvin: Hang ten, bros!
[Reaching the bottom of the stairs, the Chipmunks jump off the railing.]
:Simon: Scatter!
[Simon and Theodore scurry in different directions, and Alvin hides behind the staircase, watching Ryan running after Simon.]
:Ryan: Go, go! That way! Over there!
[Alvin comes up with an idea to distract Ryan.]
:Alvin: Oh, Ryan!
[Alvin runs up the stairs and Ryan runs after him.]
:Alvin: Hey, slowpokes! Catch me if you can!
[When Alvin reaches the top of the stairs, trying to run away, Ryan and Xander block him.]
:Ryan: You're dead, furball!
:Alvin: Not!
[Alvin jumps out of the way just as Ryan and Xander both make a move and gives them a wedgie.]
:Alvin: It's wedgie time!
:Ryan: OH!!! My butt!
[Meanwhile, Theodore, having gotten away from the bullies, hides behind a bench, catching his breath; his eyes land on a large foot with talons, belonging to a giant eagle statue.]
:Theodore: Oh boy. Uh, eagle.
[Theodore screams and runs away.]
:Theodore: AH! Eagle! Eagle!
:Ryan: Get them!
:Theodore: AH! Bully! Bully!
[Theodore and Simon run away quickly; while Theodore gets away, Simon is captured by Ryan and Xander in the bathroom.]
:Ryan: This way, this way! Gotcha!
:Simon: Guys, wait, wait! Time out!
:Ryan: It's swirlie time.
[Ryan and Xander take Simon into the stall.]
:Simon: Come on, come on, guys, this is so 1980s--
[Xander flushes the toilet and Ryan holds Simon by the tail.]
:Simon: --AAH! Please! Please!
[Ryan lowers Simon into the toilet, lifts him out, and Simon coughs and sputters.]
:Simon: Oh man! Ugh, come on!
:Ryan: That-That's a good look for you.
:Simon: Oh thank-- YAAH!
[Ryan and Xander drop Simon into the toilet and run out of the bathroom; Alvin runs inside to look for Simon, seeing him struggling to get out of the toilet.]
:Simon: Can't swim! Help!
:Alvin: Grab on, Simon!
[Simon grabs Alvin's tail and he pulls him out of the toilet.]
:Simon: Thanks.
[Simon shakes himself off.]
:Alvin: Are you okay?
:Simon: Well, uh, considering that you just saved me from drowning in a toilet, I'm, uh, pretty good.
:Alvin: I'll be right back.
[Alvin walks out of the bathroom and into the corridor, and Simon follows him.]
:Simon: Alvin? Alvin! We're not gonna solve anything with violence.
[Alvin and Simon spot their brother hanging in the locker room; Ryan and Xander are poking Theodore's rear.]
:Ryan: It's the fatty ratty.
:Theodore: Cut it out!
:Ryan: This rat has serious junk in the trunk.
:Theodore: Hey!
:Xander: Yeah, little fatty.
:Theodore: Stop it!
:Ryan: He jiggles when I poke him.
[This is the last straw for Alvin and Simon; they lunge at Ryan and Xander with fury. We cut to the outside of the school where Ryan and Xander are heard screaming.]
:Ryan: MOMMY!
===Scene #6: A New Fan and An Evil Plan===
[Later, the Chipmunks are waiting outside Dr. Rubin's office.]
:Theodore: Simon, does this make my butt look smaller?
[Theodore lowers the bottom of his sweater, covering his tail.]
:Simon: Theodore, your butt looks fine. Those guys are just jerks.
[Ryan and Xander exit Dr. Rubin's office, their clothes torn up and claw marks all over their bodies; they flinch when they see the Chipmunks glaring at them; Alvin growls and barks viciously at them like a mad dog, forcing the bullies to flee, terrified.]
:Dr. Rubin: Gentlemen?
[The Chipmunks see Dr. Rubin; they jump off the table they were on and enter her office.]
:Dr. Rubin: You threatened to climb inside of him and build a nest.
:Simon: That was out of line. I'm not even sure that's physically possible.
:Dr. Rubin: I should suspend all three of you.
:Alvin: Please do.
:Dr. Rubin: Instead, I have a better idea. Due to budget cutbacks, we are in jeopardy of losing our beloved music program.
:Simon: That's awful!
:Dr. Rubin: I know, but there is one small ray of hope. Every year, the district sponsors a music competition. And the winner's school receives twenty-five thousand dollars. If we win, we can save our program.
:Simon: And you want us to perform?
:Alvin: 'Cause I didn't think you were a fan.
:Dr. Rubin: Why don't you sleep on it?
[Dr. Rubin reaches for her jacket, revealing a tattoo of the Chipmunks on her left arm, to the Chipmunks' surprise.]
:Alvin: Wait! What's that?
:Simon: Wait wait wait wait wait! That's us!
:Theodore: I look skinny.
:Dr. Rubin: [shocked that they have noticed] Promise me that you won't say anything. A principal has a certain image to uphold, and if the faculty ever found out about this, I could—
[Dr. Rubin laughs excitedly and bangs on her desk.]
:Dr. Rubin: I just cannot believe that you're actually sitting in my office! I have all of your CDs. I even went to see you last year in Denver, that's where I got this. It was my birthday and I was like, "Ooh, the Chipmunks!"
[Alvin smiles nervously.]
:Dr. Rubin: [after calming down] So, what do you say, will you represent our school?
:Alvin: …honestly, suspension still sounds pretty good to me.
:Theodore: Come on, Alvin. Whattaya say? One for all and three for one!
:Simon: Well put, Theodore. Very well put. Count us in!
:Alvin: [unenthusiastically] Yay.
:Dr. Rubin: Go Eagles!
[Dr. Rubin pretends to screech like an eagle.]
:Theodore: Eagles?! Where?!
[Theodore hides and looks around nervously. That night, Ian takes the Chipettes to an expensive apartment complex; they ride the elevator to the top floor.]
:Ian: Ah, the penthouse level. Tres exclusivo.
[The Chipettes sit on Ian's handbag as he walks out of the elevator; Brittany spots a Chihuahua being held on a leash.]
:Brittany: Isn't that that Chihuahua? You know, from the movie?
:Ian: Oh yeah. Yeah, it— I mean, yeah, of course it is. A lot of big names live here.
:Eleanor: Hola! Como esta?
:Brittany: I must have his autograph.
:Ian: Hey hey, Brittany, uh-uh. You wanna be a star, act like a star. Alright? You don't get autographs, you give them.
:Brittany: Oh. [chuckles] Right.
[Ian sees a sign that reads "New Luxurious Lofts - Model B - This Way."]
:Ian: Uh…hey look, over there! There're a couple of the Jonas Brothers!
:Brittany: [gasps] Where?
:Jeanette: I don't see them.
[While the Chipettes are distracted, Ian flips the sign around so they wouldn't see it.]
:Ian: Here we are! Ok, let's scoot in to my apar— What? Did I? Oh, darn it! Darn it to heck!
:Eleanor: What's wrong?
:Ian: Girls, I apologize, but I seem to have left my keys back in my office. What if one of you were to shoot through that mail slot and open it up from the inside? Huh?
:Eleanor: Ooh! I'll do it!
[Eleanor jumps up to the mail slot, but gets stuck in it because of her wide girth.]
:Eleanor: Ugh! I'm stuck!
:Ian: Alright, I got ya, I got ya.
[Ian grabs Eleanor and tries to pull her out.]
:Eleanor: Ow! Not so hard!
[After a few tries, Ian pulls Eleanor out and she falls to the floor.]
:Eleanor: Oof!
:Ian: Might wanna lay off the nuts.
:Eleanor: Oh…
:Ian: Alright, how about you, Glasses? You're in better shape. Wanna go?
:Jeanette: Uh, I'm not that great at things like this.
:Brittany: I got it!
[Brittany jumps through the mail slot with ease and opens the door.]
:Ian: Yes!
[Ian and the Chipettes come in the apartment. Ian flips the light switch, revealing many expensive items in the apartment.]
:Eleanor: Ooh! Impressive!
:Brittany: Nice!
[The Chipettes run into the apartment.]
:Jeanette: Gee willikers! Stripes!
:Eleanor: Oh, snazzy!
:Jeanette: Circles!
:Eleanor: This is the best tree house ever!
:Brittany: A red piano!
[Brittany jumps onto a red grand piano, Jeanette and Eleanor joining her and looking out the window, viewing the city from above.]
:Jeanette: Oh, Brit.
:Brittany: Is this a dream? Somebody pinch me.
:Jeanette: This is way better than a tree.
:Brittany: I just adore a penthouse view.
[Ian watches the Chipettes enjoying themselves.]
:Ian: Nice one, Hawke. Yeah? You like it?
:Eleanor: Do I?
:Ian: I live here.
:Eleanor: It's so beautiful.
:Ian: Yeah.
===Scene #7: Alvin the Football Player===
[Theodore watches Meerkat Manor on Animal Planet.]
:Narrator on TV: Last time we visited Meerkat Manor, a rival group called the Commandos was making large inroads into the Whiskers' territory.
[Simon walks across the coffee table, pushing aside Toby's leftover food and dirty laundry that he left all over the house.]
:Simon: Ah, Toby! I thought Alvin was messy! This is literally disgusting. I feel like I'm living in a dumpster.
[Simon puts aside an uneaten apple that had only one or two bites taken out of it.]
:Theodore: Simon, it's Meerkat Manor, watch with me!
:Simon: [sighs] You know, you're right. You're right. I just need to relax. Maybe that'll ease my nerves a little.
[Simon jumps onto the couch and sits on the blanket. Crunch!]
:Simon: What is this? What…?
[Simon sees an old taco wrapped up inside the blanket.]
:Simon: Oh, you've got to be joking! A taco? In a blanket? Toby!
[Later that night, Toby and the Chipmunks play bowling on the Wii.]
:Toby: Ladies and gentlemen, going for his turkey, it's the Tobester.
[It is Toby's turn; he swings his remote.]
:Toby: Come on, baby!
[Toby gets his third strike in a row and laughs triumphantly.]
:Toby: Yes!
:Alvin: No problem. Watch and learn, my friends.
[Alvin swings his remote; he loses grip of it and it hits the TV, cracking the screen.]
:Alvin: Oops. Well, it looks like it's time to play my second favorite game: Hide the Broken TV from Dave. You wanna play?
:Toby: No!
:Simon: Go easy on him, taco boy. This day's been bad enough already.
:Toby: Oh, I think I see what's going on. You guys have been having some problems at school?
:Simon: Uh, no, not really. Unless you consider getting your head dumped into a public toilet a problem.
:Toby: Ouch! Swirlies are the worst. At least that's what I've heard. Because there's no way that I could possibly know that on a personal level.
:Theodore: Toby, what was school like for you?
[Toby freezes as he remembers his high school years.]
:Theodore: Toby? Toby?
[Toby's flashback: In high school, Toby was a total nerd. He had braces, acne, and bullies were always targeting him. They gave him swirlies all the time and he just laughed nervously to try to get on their good side. In the hallway, people kept pinching him because someone taped a "PINCH ME!" sign to his back. In gym class, he got clobbered in dodgeball, and even after he was hit, everyone just kept throwing balls at him until he was knocked out. But even after all of that, he never got what he really wanted: A date with his crush, Julie Ortega, who is currently known as Ms. Ortega.]
:Theodore: Toby? TOBY!
[End of Toby's flashback. Toby snaps out of his daze and looks down at Theodore.]
:Toby: What? What was school like for me? Uh, in a word…awesome. But, you know, that's 'cause I was, like, extremely popular.
:Simon: Is that why you still live with your grandma?
:Alvin: And refer to yourself as, "the Tobester"?
:Theodore: And go, "pyu-pyu-pyu", all day?
:Toby: [chuckles smugly] Bedtime.
[The next morning, the alarm clock blares; Toby's face is pressed against his pillow as he tries to ignore the alarm blaring throughout the house.]
:Toby: Alvin…Alvin, wake up and turn off the alarm.
[The alarm clock still blares; Toby gets out of bed and slowly walks out of the room.]
:Toby: Alvin! Alvin, I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding, buddy, turn it off! Guys, guys…
[Toby walks into the Chipmunks' bedroom, but sees their beds empty and unmade; he finds the alarm clock on the kitchen table, turning it off.]
:Toby: Boys, this isn't funny.
:Alvin: Hello, humane society?
[Toby hears Alvin's muffled voice.]
:Alvin: Yes, I need help. A man is after us. He wants to take us to a terrible place.
[Toby opens up the toilet cistern and sees the Chipmunks inside with a cell phone.]
:Alvin: SCHOOL!
:Toby: Out!
:Simon: Aw, have a heart, huh?
:Toby: Have a heart? Dave wants you to go to school, so you're going.
:Alvin: Yeah, well don't worry about picking us up at 3, Toby. We'll get a ride. In a HEARSE!
:Toby: Guys, guys, come on. [chuckles] Look, trust me. The second day is never as bad as the first.
[WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! The coach blows his whistle and gym class has officially started; the Chipmunks play dodgeball with Ryan, Xander and their classmates.]
:Simon: Glasses! Glasses! You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses, would you?! [gets hit by a dodgeball]
:Male Student 1: You're out, man!
:Male Student 2: Ha!
:Simon: Right in the pancreas.
[Ryan throws a dodgeball at Theodore, who is thrown into the wall next to Simon and rolls onto his back.]
:Theodore: Call…the…nurse…
:Coach: Out! Out! You're out.
[Alvin is still out there, already on the attack line and warming up.]
:Alvin: Come on, Alvin, remember your five D's. Dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge.
:Coach: Move!
:Ryan: You're next, furball.
:Alvin: You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? I'm the only one here, so you must be talkin' to me.
[Ryan throws a dodgeball at Alvin.]
:Ryan: Yeah! Got him! Did you see that?
[Alvin holds up the dodgeball with his paws.]
:Alvin: Oh, boo-yah!
:Xander: Unbelievable. He caught it. You're out, man.
[The school bell rings, signaling the end of gym class.]
:Alvin: And the fat lady, she's a-singing.
[While everyone else begins to leave, Ryan and Xander watch Alvin walk off.]
:Ryan: Dude's got hands.
:Xander: I think they're paws, actually.
:Ryan: Whatever. We can definitely use him on the team. Hey furball! How would you like a spot on the football team?
[Alvin turns around and looks up to Ryan and Xander.]
:Alvin: [seeming interested] Football, moi?
[Ryan and Xander crouch down to look at Alvin.]
:Ryan: I gotta say, you're good. I'm gonna let you hang out with us at lunch. That is, if you wanna be on the team.
:Alvin: Hmm, interesting proposition.
:Theodore: Alvin?
:Alvin: Let me get back to you on that.
:Ryan: This is a one-time offer. Don't take too long to think it over.
[Ryan gets up and walks out of the gym with Xander.]
:Alvin: Right. Like I would ditch my brothers just to become the first chipmunk ever to play on an actual varsity football team. [laughs] Fat chance!
[Alvin puts his arms around Simon and Theodore. At lunch hour, Alvin practices his prowess in football as he and his brothers eat lunch at their own table.]
:Alvin: The stadium is pandemonium! It's fourth and goal. It's up! It's up! And he catches it! The crowd goes crazy!
[Alvin pretends to mimic an audience cheering.]
:Ryan: Psst, hey!
[Simon sees Ryan sitting at the table next to the Chipmunks; Ryan points at Simon and makes a hand motion for him to come over.]
:Simon: Me?
:Alvin: [chanting] Al-vin! Al-vin! Al-vin! Al-vin!
:Simon: Alvin? I think the super-cool jock table is paging you.
:Alvin: Why would I go over there? Like I really need to worry about being popular. Hello? Talking chipmunk? Huh? World-famous rock star? Guy with his own plush doll? Guys, I'm on pajamas! Not to toot my own horn, but… [imitates a horn tooting] Come on. It's laughable.
:Simon: Just go, Alvin.
:Alvin: Really? You mean it?
:Theodore: Yeah.
:Alvin: Aw thanks. I'll be right back!
[And with that, Alvin jumps off the table and runs to Ryan and his football team, giving each of them a fist bump.]
:Alvin: What up, dudes?
:Ryan: What's up, little man?
:Alvin: Yeah!
:Xander: Welcome to the cool table.
:Alvin: Bring it.
:Xander: Yeah!
:Alvin: Pound the paw.
[Ryan's football team practice lifting weights, except for Alvin, whose chipmunk-sized weight is too heavy for him to use, trying to lift it.]
:Alvin: I want it! I got it! I got it! I— [drops his tiny weight] —don't got it.
[At lunch, some girls from another table look over to Ryan's football team.]
:Female Student 1: I think he's cute.
:Female Student 2: Me too.
:Alvin: Toss.
[Ryan throws a grape into the air.]
:Alvin: And he's up!
[Alvin performs, jumping up and catching the grape in his mouth, and ends it with a flip; everyone cheers and applaud, and Alvin bows.]
:Alvin: Thank you.
:Female Student 3: Hey, Alvin.
[Alvin makes a phone sign with his paw.]
:Alvin: Call me.
[Ian walks out of his apartment wearing only his red robe; he has his phone pressed against his ear as he picks up the newspaper on the welcome mat.]
:Ian: Bernie, I'm telling you, the Chipmunks are old news. I got the next big thing: singing female chipmunks! …Hello? Bernie? Hello?
[Ian groans when he realizes Bernie had hung up on him.]
:Ian: Ugh! God! What part of "singing female chipmunks" don't these people understa—
[Ian cuts his sentence off once he looks at the newspaper; there is a picture of the Chipmunks on it.]
:Ian: Girls, we're going to school.
[Ian walks back inside. Meanwhile, Alvin is having lunch with Ryan, Xander and Jeremy.]
:Alvin: And he's up!
[Ryan throws three grapes and Alvin catches them all in his mouth; Ryan, Xander and Jeremy cheer.]
:Alvin: And he scores!
[Simon hops up next to Alvin.]
:Alvin: Hey! What up, S? Whoa! Don't hate on the high-five.
:Simon: Yeah, high-five. Look, Alvin, I know you guys have been busy with your sporting endeavors and whatnot but, I can really use your help at home.
:Alvin: Oh, no can do. Ry-dawg is gonna teach me how to get pretty girls to do my homework.
:Simon: Alvin, you promised Theodore we'd hang out. We are watching Meerkat Manor tonight. No pretty girls.
:Alvin: Dude, I can't swing it today, bro.
:Simon: That's what you say every day, Alvin. Need I remind you it's your day to do the laundry?
:Ryan: You better listen to your daddy, Alvin. You don't wanna get grounded. Ohh!
[Ryan attempts to throw his apple into the garbage, but it misses.]
:Simon: [unimpressed] Are you going to pick that up?
:Ryan: Are you going to make me?
:Simon: [speaks French] I'm just going to elegantly show you how it's done. [hops to the apple]
:Alvin: Uh, Simon...
[Simon throws the apple up, rolls it across his shoulders, and spins it on his finger.]
:Simon: Off the glass.
[Simon throws the apple in the trash, facing backwards.]
:Simon: And you call yourself a jock.
[Xander and Jeremy laugh mockingly, and Alvin chuckles nervously.]
:Alvin: My brother, he's a real jokester. Always kidding. Uh, anyhoo, um, see you guys in class.
[After Alvin hops off the table to find Simon, Ryan takes Jeremy's pudding.]
:Jeremy: Hey, that's my pudding.
:Ryan: It's my pudding.
[In the hallway, Alvin stops Simon.]
:Alvin: Why are you trying to embarrass me in front of my friends?
:Simon: Are you kidding me? They're the ones you should be embarrassed by.
:Female Student 1: Good luck with the show, guys!
[Alvin and Simon see two girls putting up a poster of Music Mania with Theodore.]
:Female Student 2: Front row seats, can't wait!
[Theodore runs up to his brothers.]
:Theodore: So, what song are we gonna sing?
:Simon: No pressure, but the whole school is counting on us.
:Alvin: Oh, relax. It's like Ryan says. Who's gonna beat singing chipmunks?
[The Chipmunks and the Chipettes come face to face in the school locker room; Alvin and Brittany, Simon and Jeanette and Theodore and Eleanor gaze dreamily at each other.]
:Foreigner: ♪ I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me, I wanna know what love is ♪
[Alvin, Simon and Theodore sigh, lovestruck by the new girl chipmunks.]
:Foreigner: ♪ I want— ♪
[RRRIIIIIIIIIIINNNG! The school bell snaps them all back to their senses and the Chipettes walk off.]
:Jeanette: Oh, that Simon is dreamy.
:Eleanor: I think Theodore was looking at me!
:Brittany: Yeah, I know. But guys, remember what Ian said? We can't trust them!
[The Chipmunks stare completely lovestruck.]
:Theodore: Whoa.
:Alvin: Wow.
[Simon purrs.]
===Scene #8: Meet The Chipettes===
[After school, the Chipmunks are in the music room with Julie and Dr. Rubin, practicing for the competition; Julie is playing the piano while the Chipmunks sing.]
:Chipmunks: ♪ Come on, come on, get up, get up, let's go won't you follow… ♪
[The Chipmunks trail off while they are singing, smiling dreamily as they seem to forget the rest of the song.]
:Alvin: Wow.
:Ms. Ortega: What happened?
:Alvin: I never thought I'd say this but, pink is my new favorite color.
:Simon: Her glasses were quite fetching.
:Theodore: She's like a beautiful green gumdrop.
:Ms. Ortega: Okay well if you guys wanna do this, you have to pay attention.
:Dr. Rubin: Maybe this is a good time for us to take a break.
:Ms. Ortega: Good call. Take five.
:Simon: She's right. We need to focus, fellas.
:Theodore: Right.
[Dr. Rubin walks up to the Chipmunks and takes out her phone.]
:Dr. Rubin: This is for my screensaver.
[The Chipmunks smile for the camera.]
:Theodore: Cheese Balls!
[The camera flashes; just then, Toby walks through the door.]
:Toby: Hey you guys. Hey, you guys ready to go? 'Cause I got a lot of important stuff to do at home!
:Dr. Rubin: Oh, you must be their guardian.
:Toby: [looking nervous for a minute] That I, that I am! Yes I am. Hi, how are you? How are you, Dr. Rubin? I know that because I went to school here a few years ago. I don't know if you remember me, Toby Seville? Probably not.
:Dr. Rubin: Mmm. Uh…
:Ms. Ortega: Toby?
[Toby immediately stutters nervously once he sees his old crush, Julie.]
:Ms. Ortega: No way! Hi! Hey, no braces! Your teeth look great.
:Toby: You-I-Thank you! I appreciate-I did-I did! I-I did get my braces off 'cause they were just— WHOA!
[While Toby backs away nervously, he accidentally bumps into drums and trumpets, knocking them over and tearing a few of them.]
:Toby: Oh! Ok. Oh—
[Toby pretends to play the broken trumpet and Julie smiles.]
:Toby: That— You know what, I know a guy who actually— Who works on drum heads, so that's very good. I'll be in the car, guys. So…
[Toby runs out of the music room.]
:Alvin: [in singsong voice] Somebody's in love!
:Simon: That aside, we're going to replace everything. Chipmunk's honor.
:Ian: [walks into the music room] Aw, yes. The old false-modesty suck-up routine.
:Alvin/Theodore: Ian Hawke?!
:Simon: I thought I smelled a rat.
:Dr. Rubin: May I help you, Mr. Hawke?
:Ian: Well, I was wondering if I could, uh, help you, I-I just heard about your musical competition and I just skedaddled down here as quick as I could to volunteer my girls.
:Dr. Rubin: Oh, well, that's very thoughtful of you, but I've already made up my mind.
:Ian: Well, um, perhaps this will change your mind. Girls?
[Brittany, Jeanette and Eleanor jump onto one of the drums, but then they gasp when they see Alvin, Simon and Theodore, who also gasp.]
:Alvin: They're with Ian?
:Ian: Curtains!
[One of the stage hands pulls the curtains out of the way; someone turns the lights off and the band gets ready to play the song, the Chipettes whisper quietly as they get in position on the drum.]
:Man: 1! 2! 1 2!
[The drummer counts the band in and they start playing; Ian walks offstage just as the Chipettes start to perform.]
:Brittany: ♪ You change your mind, like a girl changes clothes. ♪
:Chipettes: ♪ I should know that you're no good for me (yeah hey yeah yeah) ♪
[Ian turns on the P.A. so the whole school can hear the Chipettes.]
:Chipettes: ♪ 'Cause you're hot then you're cold, you're yes then you're no, you're in then you're out, you're up and you're down. You're wrong when it's right, it's black and it's white, we fight, we break up, we kiss, we make up ♪
:Theodore: Whoa! They're good!
:Simon: Good? They're astounding!
[Ian uses colored flashlights to make the performance look cooler.]
:Chipettes: ♪ You! You don't really want to stay, no (but you do), you! But you don't really want to go-oh (no!) 'Cause you're hot then you're cold, you're yes then you're no, you're in then you're out, you're up and you're down. ♪
[A crowd of students come in when they hear the Chipettes singing.]
:Chipettes: ♪ 'Cause you're hot then you're cold, you're yes then you're no, you're in then you're out, you're up and you're down. ♪
:Brittany: ♪ Yeah, hey-yeah, yeaaaahhh! ♪
[As Brittany sings the last line, her sisters stand on either side just as the music stops; the students cheer and applaud, and Ian turns the lights back on.]
:Ian: My good people of West Eastman, you have just witnessed the debut, of the Chipettes!
[The students cheer and clap again.]
:Brittany: Thank you.
:Jeanette: Thank you.
:Brittany: Thank you.
:Ian: [crosses his arms] So?
:Dr. Rubin: They were splendid but, as I said before, I have made my decision.
:Eleanor: Brit?
:Jeanette: Oh.
:Brittany: No.
:Ian: I see. You-You've made your decision. I don't mean to speak out of school, doctor, but, um, in the true spirit of democracy, which our great wonderful country was founded upon, I say let the people vote. Let them choose! One person, one vote! I say, let! Us! Vote! Let! Us! Vote!
[The students start chanting, "Let us vote!"]
:Ian: Please, don't be a Fascist Franny. Let freedom ring, doctor.
[The chants become louder; Dr. Rubin holds up one finger and they immediately stop.]
:Dr. Rubin: You make a persuasive case, Mr. Hawke. Alright, here's what I'm going to do. This Friday, each group will perform one song in front of the student body.
:Brittany/Eleanor: Yes!
:Jeanette: Alright!
:Dr. Rubin: Whoever gets the most applause will represent the school.
[The students cheer again.]
:Alvin: What?!
:Eleanor: Thank you!
:Jeanette: Yes!
:Brittany: We did it!
:Ian: [to the Chipmunks] In your FACE!
:Alvin: [threateningly] Oh, it is on like Donkey Kong!
[Simon and Theodore hold Alvin back. Later, the Chipmunks watch Meerkat Manor with a blanket wrapped around them.]
:Narrator on TV: The meerkats huddle together at the end of a traumatic day to reaffirm their family bond. The Whiskers are going to have to rely on each other more than ever.
:Simon: Guys, I am so happy that Ms. Ortega can rehearse with us every day after school.
:Alvin: Whoa, every day? But Ryan and I have—
:Simon: Alvin, stop right there, okay? We're a team. We need you.
:Alvin: Would you relax? We're not gonna lose. We'll talk about this in the morning.
:Simon: Not much to talk about. I will see you at rehearsal.
[Alvin and Simon fight over the blanket.]
:Alvin: Stop hogging!
:Simon: I'm not hogging.
:Alvin: You might as well be rooting out truffles in the French countryside, because you are, in fact, HOGGING!
:Simon: I'm not!
:Alvin: Are so!
:Simon: Not!
:Alvin: So!
:Simon: Am not!
:Alvin: So!
:Simon: Not!
:Alvin: So!
:Simon: Not!
:Alvin: So! Ah, forget it! I think I'll sleep in my own bed tonight.
[Alvin jumps off the recliner.]
:Simon: Ditto for me.
[Simon jumps off the recliner.]
:Alvin: I'm so glad I'm not a meerkat!
:Simon: Oh, really? Why is that?
:Alvin: Because as cold as I am, I would never huddle with you!
:Simon: Good!
:Alvin: You hear me? I won't huddle!
:Simon: Fine!
[Theodore remains on the recliner for a few moments and whimpers. That night, he goes into Toby's bedroom and tugs on his sleeve.]
:Theodore: Uh, Toby? Can I sleep with you?
:Toby: What?
:Theodore: Dave lets me. My brothers are fighting.
:Toby: Well, I'm…ok.
[Toby turns on his other side and goes back to sleep; Theodore gets under the covers, but not before Toby passes gas.]
:Theodore: Oh, man! Dutch oven! Not the Dutch oven! Anything but the Dutch oven! Must find fresh air before it's too late! Aah! It's too late! Oh, it burns! Aah! Mama, it burns!
[Theodore gets out of the covers and takes a deep breath; he sighs and jumps off the bed, walking out of the room and sleeping on the floor, curled. At West Eastman, during lunch, Brittany stands on a lunch tray as someone pushes it down the lunch line; she looks at the several food dishes sitting in front her.]
:Brittany: Hm, let's see. What else am I in the mood for?
[Suddenly, Alvin jumps onto Brittany's lunch tray, startling her.]
:Alvin: How about a side order of friendly advice, courtesy of me?
:Brittany: No, thanks.
[Alvin and Brittany are pushed down the lunch line.]
:Brittany: Grapes, please?
[Brittany moves over so the lunch lady can put the grapes down, causing her to back into Alvin.]
:Brittany/Alvin: Oh!
[Startled, Brittany and Alvin back away from each other nervously.]
:Alvin: Um…
:Brittany: Excuse me.
:Alvin: [laughs nervously] Yeah, well, I-I just wanted to warn you about Ian.
:Brittany: [astounded] What? You should be grateful to Ian. He did everything for you, Alvin, and you broke his heart.
:Alvin: Hm, really? How do I put this gently? He's the devil, he doesn't have a heart, oh, and one of the things he did for us, was put us in a cage.
:Brittany: Alvin, he would never do that.
:Alvin: Yeah. 'Cause you were there. I forgot.
[Alvin sees the lunch line coming to an end.]
:Alvin: Brittany, you'd better watch out.
:Brittany: I don't need advice from you.
:Alvin: But—!
:Brittany: But nothing, Alvin! Ian's taking us straight to the TOP!
[Brittany screams as she falls of the end of line with her food; Alvin has managed to jump off the tray before it fell and watches as everyone laughs at Brittany.]
:Alvin: Got it. Straight to the top. Ironic.
:Brittany: Yeah, funny.
[Brittany laughs sarcastically. That night, Ian and the Chipettes are at their apartment, rehearsing for the sing-off; the Chipettes stand on the piano and copy the moves Ian is showing them.]
:Brittany: Ha! We are so going to destroy those Chipmunks.
:Jeanette: I don't wanna destroy them.
:Eleanor: Me neither, I just wanna hang out with them.
:Ian: Alright, alright, alright, hold— [turns off the music] —alright, look, you know, if you feel that way, maybe we should just withdraw from the contest.
:Brittany: What?
:Ian: Then I'll put you in a FedEx package and mail you back to whatever tree you came from. Sound good?
:Chipettes: [nervously] No.
:Ian: Ok then, take it from the top, let's go!
[Ian turns the music back on and the Chipettes glance at each other nervously before resuming their dance; suddenly, Ian stops the music again.]
:Ian: Alright. Wait. Whoa whoa whoa, stop. Short one in the green dress, what's your name again?
:Eleanor: Eleanor.
:Ian: Yeah, look, I'm losing you there, you know. Have you always been that short?
:Eleanor: I-I guess.
:Ian: Well, you got to work on that, ok? Alright, let me try something here. Uh, Brittany, here, come up here.
[Brittany moves up while her sisters walk next to her.]
:Brittany: Uh…
:Ian: No no, you two stay back.
[Ian pushes Jeanette and Eleanor back to their original positions.]
:Ian: Little further.
[Ian holds up his hands and makes a frame around Brittany, blocking out Jeanette and Eleanor.]
:Ian: Oh yeah. Now that I like. And it's not just because Brittany's more of a mega-ultra superstar than you guys. Good, good. Ok, you know what, let's get a little more separation. Brittany, stay there. Let's get a little more separation from you guys.
[Ian pushes Jeanette and Eleanor farther from Brittany.]
:Ian: Yeah, let's give her some room. Give her some room, guys. Back.
[Brittany looks back at her sisters, who are about a foot away from her.]
:Ian: Ok! Alright! Watch me now!
[Jeanette and Eleanor glance at each other nervously.]
:Ian: 1, 2, 3! [starts the music] Now watch me. Watch me now.
[The Chipettes start singing and dancing again, Brittany looking back at her sisters every few seconds.]
===Scene #9: I Can Do Both===
[RING-RING! The house phone in the kitchen is ringing; Toby runs out of his bedroom and picks it up.]
:Toby: Hello?
[Dave is in his hospital bed in Paris; he had just received Theodore's get-well card from the nurse; reading it made him miss the boys even more so he decided to call them to say thank you but he is confused why his cousin answered the phone instead of Aunt Jackie.]
:Dave: …Toby? What are you doing at the house? Where's Aunt Jackie?
:Toby: Dave! Hey! Hey, Dave, what's happening? Uh, Jack, Aunt Jackie is uh…in the hospital.
:Dave: I-I'm a little worried. Who's watching the boys?
:Toby: …I am.
[Dave's eyes widen.]
:Toby: So Dave, uh, how is Paris?
:Dave: Wait, are the boys behaving?
:Toby: Absolutely!
[Toby looks at the huge mess in the living room.]
:Toby: They've been just…peachy.
:Dave: Toby, what's going on?
[Toby places a blanket over the shattered TV.]
:Toby: Huh? Nothing! Nothing, no, don't even, don't even worry about it. You know, I know that you're not supposed to be stressed out, so I'm gonna go right now. But it's all good here, come home soon, bye!
:Dave: Toby? Toby? NURSE!
[Dave hits the wrong button on his hospital bed remote and his bad leg is hoisted up.]
:Dave: Nurse, get me out of here! HELP!
[West Eastman - Lunch Hour. Jeremy sits down next to Simon.]
:Jeremy: I don't mean to interrupt your game but, I saw you stand up to Ryan when he littered. That took guts.
:Simon: Really?
:Jeremy: And that's the type of guy that we're looking for. Jeremy Smith, student body president.
:Simon: How do you do? I'm—
:Jeremy: International recording star and, litter monitor Simon Seville.
:Simon: Litter monitor?
:Jeremy: Litter monitor. It's a new position that we've created to help raise awareness of a pressing problem in our society.
:Simon: I agree ninety-nine precent plus one. You do the math.
:Jeremy: Well Simon, I-I know this is a lot to ask but, we're looking for a take-charge guy to take charge of this very rewarding position. What do you say?
[Simon carries around a pad for citations.]
:Simon: Excuse me, everybody. Quick announcement, uh, I'm Simon. I'm the litter monitor, put your trash in the garbage can, peace out.
[The boys at the jock table laugh at Simon; he goes to the cheerleader table.]
:Simon: Hello, ladies! You probably weren't aware that you dropped a wrapper on the ground, so we're just gonna call this one a warning. Carry on.
[The girls giggle and pick up the wrapper; Alvin hops up to the jock table.]
:Alvin: What up, dudes?
:Ryan: What up, Al? Hey everybody! Check it out! The newest member of the football team.
[Everyone claps.]
:Ryan: Suiting up for our first away game.
:Alvin: Ry, don't mess with me.
:Ryan: I talked to coach. You're in.
:Alvin: Dude, that's great! Awesome.
:Xander: So check it out, A-man. We're watching the new litter monitor.
:Alvin: I wasn't aware the school even had a litter monitor.
:Ryan: We don't, but don't tell him that.
[Ryan throws a milk carton by Simon.]
:Simon: Are you going to pick that up?
:Ryan: No.
:Simon: Well, I'm sorry to hear that. I uh, guess I'm going to have to give you a citation.
[Simon gives Ryan a citation.]
:Ryan: Oh, no! I got a citation for littering!
:Xander: Oh, no!
[Ryan crumples up the paper and throws it to the ground.]
:Simon: Oh, you wanna play that game, do you? Well, guess what? I can play that game all day long.
:Alvin: Simon!
:Ryan: It's a joke, dude.
:Simon: Litter is no joking matter.
:Ryan: No, you're the joke. We're messing with you. There's no such thing as a litter monitor.
:Simon: What?
:Alvin: Good one, huh? [chuckles nervously]
:Simon: Y-you knew about this, Alvin? Does the word "brother" mean anything to you?
:Alvin: [stammering, feeling really guilty] Yes, of course.
:Ryan: Yeah well, he has some new brothers now that he's on the football team.
:Simon: [angrily, teeth clenched] You still haven't picked up that litter.
:Ryan: You want me to get rid of litter?
:Simon: Yeah.
:Ryan: Let's start with you.
[Ryan picks up Simon.]
:Simon: Hey, let-let go, let go! No!
[Ryan throws Simon into a trash bin.]
:Simon: WHOA!
:Ryan: Ohh! Downtown!
:Xander: Woo!
[The school bell rings, signaling the end of lunch hour.]
:Alvin: Uh, I'll catch up with you guys in a second.
[Alvin scurries to the dumpster where Simon is dumped into.]
:Alvin: Simon! Simon! Simon!
[Simon pops up.]
:Alvin: Ok, I am a total jerk, I admit it. So are we cool now?
[Alvin holds out his hand for Simon to shake, but Simon violently pulls him into the dumpster and starts wrestling him; Theodore hears the noise coming from the dumpster and goes to investigate; Alvin and Simon come to the surface of the trash.]
:Simon: Ok. Alvin, I am going to put this behind us, for Theodore's sake.
:Alvin: I know. That's why I'm giving you the Alvin guarantee that I will be at that sing-off Friday night.
:Simon: Wait wait wait wait. Why wouldn't you be there?
:Alvin: Um, because, uh, I have a, uh… [mumbles]
:Simon: What?
:Alvin: A… [mumbles again]
:Simon: [not understanding] You have a what?
:Alvin: A FOOTBALL GAME! There, I said it! A football game!
[Before Alvin can react, Simon jumps on him, pushing them both into the dumpster.]
:Simon: AH!
[Trash flies all over the place as the two Chipmunks wrestle inside the dumpster; Theodore hears his brothers yelling from inside and walks up to the dumpster hesitantly.]
:Theodore: Simon? Alvin? Is everything alright?
[Alvin and Simon look over the edge of the dumpster.]
:Alvin: Theodore! Oh, yeah, we're fine. Just a little, dumpster wrestling.
:Simon: Crazy in here.
:Theodore: Right…
[Theodore frowns sadly and walks off.]
:Simon: Don't worry, Theo! Everything is going to be fine!
[Simon gives Alvin a serious look.]
:Simon: [in a threatening tone] Alvin, do not miss that sing-off.
:Alvin: Don't worry, Simon. I'll be there. I can do both.
[Theodore and Eleanor help out with toys for tots.]
:Ms. Ortega: Hey, guys, thanks so much for helping out today. Toys for Tots is a really cool organization. So, everybody's getting cool points today.
[Julie notices Theodore looking upset.]
:Ms. Ortega: What's going on with Theodore?
:Student: I have no idea.
[Theodore is lying on top of a toy motorcycle and holding a ribbon in his paw.]
:Ms. Ortega: Hey, Eleanor, why don't you see if Theodore needs some help?
:Eleanor: Well, ok.
[Eleanor walks over to Theodore; she has a little trouble because of her new shoes; Theodore sees Eleanor coming and hops down from the motorcycle; Eleanor trips again, but Theodore catches her.]
:Theodore: Oops.
:Eleanor: Oh!
[Theodore looks at Eleanor's shoes.]
:Theodore: Um, they don't look very comfortable.
:Eleanor: Oh, my shoes? They're not. But, um, Ian says that I need to work on being taller.
:Theodore: Well, I think you look great just the way you are.
:Eleanor: You do?
:Theodore: Uh-huh.
[Back at the house, Toby is playing video games when he hears the phone ringing in the kitchen; he ignores it in case it was Dave, and lets it go to voice mail.]
:Dave: Hi, you've reached Dave Seville, please leave a message.
:Ms. Ortega: Hi, Toby? This is Julie Ortega. We talked yesterday, well, we kinda sorta did. Um, anyway, the reason I'm calling is that I'm worried about Theodore. he's been acting a little down lately. Um, I hope you're going to the sing-off Friday. You know, with his dad gone, Theodore needs all the support he can get. So, I'll see you there. I hope we get a chance to talk, bye.
[Toby frowns; now he really wishes he had picked the phone up.]
===Scene #10: The Sing-Off===
[At Alvin's football game, the crowd cheers like crazy.]
:Man on P.A. 1: Ok, folks, time to get behind your undefeated Warriors. The visiting Eagles are down by five with about 30 seconds left in the game. Time is running out for the Eagles.
[The mascot does a somersault.]
:Mascot: Go Eagles!
:Man on P.A. 2: Quarterback Ryan Edwards really needs to make a move here or this game is over.
[Alvin's on the bench.]
:Alvin: I know they're gonna put me in. They've gotta put me in!
:Ryan: Time out! Time out!
:Man on P.A. 1: Time out, Eagles. Fourth and 15 with nine seconds remaining in the game.
[Ryan makes an "A" with his hands.]
:Man on P.A. 1: Substitution, Eagles.
[The Eagles huddle.]
:Ryan: Alright, boys. It's time for the big A.
[Alvin, who has put on his helmet, jumps onto Ryan's shoulder.]
:Alvin: I'm gonna crush them. I'm bringing the pain! The Alvinator is in the house!
:Xander: Are you sure about this?
:Ryan: Fourth and 10, Xan. We need to go with the secret weapon. Trips right, Alpha left, motion on me. Time to make history, boys. Ready!
:Eagles: Break!
:Girl: Defense!
[The Eagles and the Warriors get in formation.]
:Footballer: This ain't no dance, baby!
:Alvin: I'm taking you down, Jennifer!
:Linebacker: You're the one going down, rat face.
:Alvin: I'm gonna crack you like an acorn and eat you for dinner, with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.
[Alvin imitates Hannibal Lecter.]
:Linebacker: Is he talking about my father?
:Ryan: A-42! A-42!
[Alvin scampers off.]
:Ryan: Hut!
[Both teams begin playing; Ryan gets hold of the football and throws it with Alvin on it.]
:Alvin: Incoming!
[The football lands on top of Alvin; he gets up and holds the football in the air. The Eagles have won the game.]
:Ryan: Yeah!
:Man on P.A. 1: Touchdown, Eagles.
:Alvin: Oh, yeah! Come on! That's what I'm talking about. Don't hate the player, hate the game. And I love how awesome I am!
[Alvin does a victory dance.]
:Man on P.A. 1: Final score, Eagles 15, Warriors 14.
:Alvin: Oh, what do you think about that, suckers? Oh, yeah! In your faces! That's what I'm talking about.
[Ryan lifts up the football with Alvin on it.]
:Ryan: You're like the Randy Moss of chipmunks!
[Everyone crowds around the Eagles.]
:Alvin: Yeah! Give me an A! Give me an L! Give me a V! Give me an I! Give me an N! What does that spell? Awesome! I'm the king of the world!
:Ryan: Party with the MVP!
:Alvin: Oh, yeah!
:Ryan: Party with Alvin!
:Alvin: You got that right.
:Ryan: Everybody to the beach house!
:Alvin: Let's do it!
:Crowd: Al-vin! Al-vin! Al-vin! Al-vin!…
[Everyone goes to celebrate their win. The auditorium is filled with people, anxious for the sing-off between the Chipmunks and the Chipettes to begin.]
:Crowd: …Chip-munks! Chip-munks! Chip-ettes! Chip-ettes!
[Toby is backstage with Simon and Theodore.]
:Toby: So look guys, I just want you to know that I'm here for you. There's plenty of time, I'm gonna go find Alvin, everything's gonna work out.
:Theodore: Thanks, Toby.
:Man on P.A.: Ladies and gentlemen, Dr. Rubin.
[Dr. Rubin walks out onstage and Toby sees her walk out; he also sees Julie standing by the curtain, watching from backstage.]
:Dr. Rubin: Thank you, students, thank you.
[Realizing that he doesn't have much time, Toby turns around, quickly runs out of the auditorium, and goes to search for Alvin.]
:Dr. Rubin: Welcome to our exciting sing-off competition between the Chipmunks and the Chipettes.
[The crowd cheers until Dr. Rubin holds up a finger, silencing them almost immediately.]
:Dr. Rubin: Remember students, there are no winners or losers…
[Ian watches from backstage and scoffs at Dr. Rubin's speech.]
:Ian: Yeah, remind me to tell the Chipmunks that when we blow them off the stage.
:Dr. Rubin: …the group that we choose today, will give our school a chance to win twenty-five thousand dollars to save our music department. So without further ado, I give you, the Chipettes.
[The crowd cheers again and the Chipettes prepare to go on stage.]
:Brittany: This is it, girls! Can you believe it?
[Ian kneels down and smiles at Brittany.]
:Ian: Brittany, your time to shine, baby. Go out there and knock 'em dead.
:Brittany: [confidently] Yes, sir! I can do it!
[Brittany walks on stage.]
:Ian: You two? I just want to let you know not to get in Brittany's way.
:Eleanor: Oh.
:Jeanette: Oh. Uh, ok.
[Jeanette and Eleanor follow Brittany on stage; Ian turns on a fog machine just as the music starts and the Chipettes' silhouettes became visible on the curtain, Brittany's being the biggest; finally, the curtain goes up, revealing the Chipettes on a round platform; Brittany is in the front while Jeanette and Eleanor stand in the back on either side of Brittany.]
:Brittany: ♪ All the single ladies ♪
:Jeanette/Eleanor: ♪ All the single ladies ♪
:Brittany: ♪ All the single ladies ♪
:Jeanette/Eleanor: ♪ All the single ladies ♪
:Brittany: ♪ All the single ladies ♪
:Jeanette/Eleanor: ♪ All the single ladies ♪
:Brittany: ♪ All the single ladies ♪
:Chipettes: ♪ Now put your hands up ♪
:Brittany: ♪ Up in the club (club), we just broke up (up) ♪
:Chipettes: ♪ Doing my own little thing ♪
:Brittany: ♪ You decided to dip (dip), now you wanna trip (trip), 'cause another brother ♪
:Chipettes: ♪ Noticed me / 'Cause if you liked it then you should've put a ring on it, if you liked it then you should've put a ring on it, don't be mad once you see that he want it, if you liked it then you should've put a ring on it / Wuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh oh, wuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh oh ♪
[As the Chipettes are performing, Ian is recording them on his phone; he turns towards the camera as the Chipettes dance in the background.]
:Ian: Like what you see? Call Ian Hawke. 310-555-5309.
[Ian winks at the camera.]
:Chipettes: ♪ 'Cause if you liked it then you should've put a ring on it, if you liked it then you should've put a ring on it ♪
[Simon paces back and forth, where is Alvin? Why isn't he here?]
:Theodore: Don't worry, Simon. Alvin will walk through that door any minute now.
[Simon and Theodore hear the backstage door open.]
:Theodore: Alvin!
[Simon and Theodore jump onto the piano they are next to, hoping to see Alvin running towards them, but it is just Ian laughing giddily as he uploads the video.]
:Ian: I am back!
[Simon and Theodore turn back towards the stage as the Chipettes finish their song.]
:Brittany: ♪ Whoooooooa-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah! ♪
[Brittany poses and the audience erupts into a loud applause.]
:Brittany: Girls! That's for us!
:Jeanette: Thank you so much!
:Brittany: Thank you! Thank you!
[The Chipettes take a bow.]
:Dr. Rubin: Well done, ladies. And now, let's hear it for a group that will rock you like a hurricane. At least, that's what many of you students have told me. Here they are: the Chipmunks!
[The audience cheers for Simon and Theodore to come on stage; Ian looks down at them.]
:Ian: Hey, you know, they say there's no I in the word "team." And they're right. But you know what there is an I in? Alvin. Sucks to be you! Girls!
[Ian goes to find the Chipettes.]
:Simon: Sadly, he's correct.
[Suddenly, the door swings open and Toby runs in.]
:Theodore: Did you find him?
:Toby: Guys, sorry, I searched the whole perimeter. And I don't know why, but the team's not back yet.
:Theodore: Well, what should we do?
[Toby glances behind him, hearing the audience start to chant for the Chipmunks.]
:Toby: I would, um…I would ask someone who's not me.
[Simon sighs and puts his paw on Theodore's shoulder.]
:Simon: I know what we should do.
[Simon jumps off the piano, followed by Theodore after, and they walk onstage; Simon and Theodore are greeted with loud cheers as they appear onstage; they jump onto Dr. Rubin's podium and Simon adjusts the microphone so he could speak into it.]
:Simon: H-Hi everyone. [clears his throat] Our brother Alvin couldn't-couldn't be here today. Um, the thing is, we've never performed without Alvin and…we're not starting now.
[Simon lets Theodore speak into the microphone.]
:Theodore: You can't have only two little pigs. You can't have only two musketeers. So-so, you know you can't have only two Chipmunks. Thank you.
[Simon and Theodore jump off the podium, and the crowd murmurs among themselves.]
:Man: Boo!
[More people start booing, and Simon and Theodore quietly walk off the stage as they look up at Toby.]
:Toby: I'll take you home.
[The Chipettes watch Simon and Theodore walk away; Ian smirks as he hears the entire audience booing, knowing he has won.]
:Ian: Hear that, girls? That is the sound of success.
:Dr. Rubin: I realize how devastated you Chipmunk fans must be. So I guess that means that the Chipettes…
:Ian: Come on, girls. Let's take a victory lap.
[Ian walks onstage as the crowd cheers again; he looks behind him and sees that the Chipettes are still backstage.]
:Ian: Hey, come on guys, let's go.
[Eleanor and Jeanette look at Brittany who is hesitant to go on stage.]
:Eleanor: Brit, we have to.
:Brittany: Let's go.
[Brittany leads her sisters onstage, where they are greeted by a standing ovation and loud cheers.]
:Ian: Yeah! Let them know!
:Brittany: [less enthusiastic] Um, thank you, thanks.
[Only minutes after the sing-off, almost everyone has left; Ian and the Chipettes are just getting ready to leave through the backstage door.]
:Ian: Ah, life is good. Especially when you're not a loser.
[Jeanette and Eleanor follow Ian out, but Brittany stays behind, and Alvin hops in.]
:Alvin: Hey, guys! I'm here! Guys? Oh, great.
:Brittany: They're gone, Alvin.
:Alvin: They're never gonna forgive me.
:Brittany: You know, Alvin? Ian was right. You don't care about anyone but yourself. Oh, and by the way, I never wanted to win this way.
[And with that, Brittany exits, leaving Alvin all alone as the lights go out; he sighs; this was without doubt his lowest moment. When he returns home, Alvin goes to his room to see his brothers.]
:Alvin: Simon? Theodore?
[Alvin walks into their room.]
:Alvin: Simon? Are you awake?
[No response; Simon is awake, but he ignores Alvin.]
:Alvin: Theo? Theo?
[Again, no response; Theodore is also awake, but he ignores Alvin; Alvin lays down; he didn't just lose the sing-off, he had just lost his brothers and Dave. Could his life get any worse?]
===Scene #11: One for All and Three for One===
[The next morning, Alvin can't find Theodore.]
:Alvin: Theodore? Theodore? Theodore, I don't blame you for being mad…uh-oh.
[Alvin finds a note on the fridge.]
:Alvin: "I ran away from home. Don't look for me at the zoo, 'cause I'm not there." Oh no, Theodore.
[Alvin runs off to get Simon and Toby. At the zoo, Theodore runs to his favorite habitat, the meerkats and looks through the fence.]
:Theodore: Hello? Meerkat family?
[Theodore squeezes himself through the fence, struggling a bit.]
:Theodore: Oh brother.
[Finally, Theodore gets through and hops further in.]
:Theodore: Is anyone home? My name is Theodore. I'd like to be in your family.
[What Theodore doesn't realize, is the signs that said, "Meerkat Family Moved," and "Welcome to Birds of Prey." There is an eagle perched on a branch just about Theodore.]
:Theodore: Maybe they're hiding. Don't be afraid!
[Theodore hears a loud screeching noise and looks up; he becomes very frightened and his breathing speeds up.]
:Theodore: You are not a meerkat.
[Alvin, Simon and Toby run up to the gate.]
:Alvin: Toby, you take the lions, the tigers and the bears. Simon and I will take the butterfly room.
[Alvin, Simon and Toby see Theodore in the eagle exhibit from the gate.]
:Theodore: [shaking] Nice eagle.
:Simon: Theo!
:Alvin: Don't move, Theodore!
:Theodore: No problem there.
:Toby: Hang in there! Hang in there, little guy! We're gonna get you out of there!
[Toby tries to climb over the gate; Alvin and Simon run up to the fence.]
:Simon: Ok, ok, we need a plan. We need a carefully executed plan.
[Alvin just goes for it and hops right through the fence.]
:Simon: Or you could just run in there like a maniac.
[Simon stays by the fence as the eagle swoops down at Theodore.]
:Alvin: Theo, watch out!
:Theodore: [nervously] Hi, I'm Theodore.
:Alvin: Hey, birdie! Over here! Are you hungry? 'Cause this A stands for "appetizer"!
[The eagle flies over Theodore and in front of Alvin.]
:Alvin: Um, let's all just relax and we'll talk this out. Ok? Look, um, I get why you want Theodore. I do. But, I'm sorry, I can't let that happen. He's my brother. Not that he'd know that, because I've been such a big jerk lately.
[Theodore smiles, forgiving Alvin.]
:Alvin: If anyone deserves to be eaten, it's me.
[The eagle closes in on Alvin.]
:Alvin: Whoa whoa whoa! Not literally!
[Theodore sees Alvin in trouble.]
:Theodore: I got you, Alvin!
[Theodore runs under the eagle, and taps its foot; when the eagle looks at its foot, Theodore helps Alvin up.]
:Theodore: Move it!
:Alvin: Whoa!
[Theodore and Alvin make a run for the fence; Alvin gets through easily, but Theodore gets stuck.]
:Alvin: Oh, Theo!
:Theodore: Help!
[The eagle advances towards the Chipmunks; while Alvin pulls Theodore's paws, Simon pushes Theodore from the other side.]
:Simon: Guys, it's a wedge-tail eagle. Their only mortal enemy is the pygmy elephant. Luckily, I speak a little pachyderm.
[Simon makes some weird noises and the eagle halts for a moment.]
:Simon: I think it's working!
[The eagle squawks and flies towards the Chipmunks.]
:Simon: Or not!
[Simon and Alvin finally get Theodore through the fence and they all escape being that bird's breakfast; the Chipmunks go through the gate and turn around to find out that Toby has just gotten to the other side of the gate.]
:Toby: Guys, that was huge.
:Alvin: He's right. So, are we back to one for all and three for one?
[Simon crosses his arms and Theodore tugs on Simon's shirt.]
:Theodore: C'mon, Simon. Hug it out.
[Simon ignores Theodore.]
:Alvin: You know I'm sorry, Si.
[And when that doesn't work, Alvin grabs Simon.]
:Alvin: Si? Don't make me have to kiss you! Because I'll do it. I don't care. Here come the lips. Make-out train is leaving the station.
[Alvin tries to Kiss Simon but is pushed away.]
:Simon: Think I'll, uh, I'll take that hug.
[Simon hugs Alvin and Theodore joins.]
:Theodore: Aw, guys.
[Toby smiles at the heartwarming scene.]
:Chipettes: ♪ If you liked it then you should've put a ring on it, if you liked it then you should've put a ring on it… ♪
[Ian's face appears in a video of the Chipettes performing at the sing-off.]
:Ian: Interested? Call Ian Hawke. 310-555-5309.
[A man is watching the video in his office and is very interested.]
:Man: Deloris, get me that Ian Hawke on the phone!
[The Chipettes are at their vanities, humming to the tune of "All the Single Ladies." Ian walks in with a bag.]
:Ian: There you are.
[The Chipettes greet Ian.]
:Ian: My sweet little moneymakers.
[Eleanor chuckles.]
:Ian: Do you remember when I told you that I would make you all big stars?
:Brittany: Yeah?
:Ian: Well…guess who's opening up for Britney Spears at the Staples Center tonight?
:Brittany: Oh yeah!
:Jeanette: Pinch me. Am I dreaming?
:Brittany: Oh, my gosh.
:Jeanette: Wait, tonight? We'll miss the school contest!
:Ian: That is correct. [taps Jeanette's nose] You will miss the school contest. You're so smart, I can never get anything past you. It was never about that stupid school contest, it was always about…
[Ian picks up Brittany in his hand and brings her to eye level.]
:Ian: Making Brittany a star.
:Brittany: [awkwardly] Oh.
:Ian: That's what you wanted, right?
[Ian holds a gold dress in front of Brittany and she gasps.]
:Brittany: Well, yeah.
:Ian: Well tonight's your big chance. It's all about you, Brittany.
:Brittany: What about Jeanette and Eleanor?
:Ian: Yeah, well, they can sing backup. I got them some stuff too.
[Ian throws two silver dresses at Eleanor and Jeanette.]
:Eleanor: Oh!
:Jeanette: Hey! But we're her sisters.
:Eleanor: And the three of us sing together, or not at all.
:Ian: Ok fine, all I really need is the B-girl.
[Brittany looks at her sisters, and then back at Ian; she frowns and crosses her arms.]
:Brittany: Ian, I won't do it without them.
[Brittany jumps out of Ian's hand and wraps her arms around her sisters; they all look up at Ian with stern expressions.]
:Ian: Ok, fine fine, let's, uh, move on to plan B. Um, ok! [claps his hands] Who likes barbecue?
:Eleanor: Uh…
:Jeanette: Barbecue?
[Ian grabs the Chipettes by their tails, holding them upside-down; they struggle to get free.]
:Ian: Because I know this awesome little barbecue restaurant in the Valley that makes the best roasted chipmunk.
[Ian takes a large sniff and sighs.]
:Ian: Mmm, real tasty. Unless, of course, you wanna sing?
:Brittany: Oh!
[The Chipettes look at each other. What other choice do they have?]
===Scene #12: Operation: Hawke Chase===
[It is the night of the music competition at West Eastman; students and adults are rushing inside to the auditorium, walking past a large table of toys for Toys for Tots; inside, the host starts speaking into a microphone.]
:Host: Welcome to West Eastman, and thank you for supporting music in our schools. Now remember, the group you pick tonight will win twenty-five thousand dollars for their school!
[The audience cheers for that.]
:Host: Now, we've got a lot of acts, and we have to turn the Heat off at 9:30, so without any further ado, representing Orange Grove, put your hands together for Li'l Rosero!
[The audience cheers as Li'l Rosero walks onstage with a boombox; he turns it on and starts brake dancing as several back-up dancers follow him onstage.]
:Chris Classic: ♪ Woo, yeah! Feels good, right? Come on! It's so classic. Let's go! In the middle of the floor, you can watch me do what I do. ♪
[Meanwhile, the Chipmunks and Toby have just arrived at the school and are walking in the school hall; Theodore sees the eagle statue that had scared him and climbs onto it.]
:Theodore: So, we meet again. What? You want a piece of this, eagle?
[Theodore chuckles; suddenly, Toby hears his phone ring and takes it out; he is confused when he sees the caller ID.]
:Toby: Ian Hawke?
:Alvin: I'll take that.
[Toby gives Alvin the phone.]
:Alvin: Oh, I didn't realize I pocket-dialed 1-800-LOWLIFE.
:Brittany: Alvin?
:Alvin: Brittany?
:Brittany: Yeah, um, could you guys fill in for us? We're not gonna be able to perform tonight.
:Alvin: What about the music department? The whole school is counting on you!
:Brittany: I know, I know, I should've listened to you about Ian.
:Alvin: Don't tell me.
:Brittany: Yep.
[The Chipettes are sitting in a small cage with a number lock on the handle, wearing the dresses Ian gave them. After what happened last time, he wasn't going to have any chances on the Chipettes trying to escape. Ian is behind the Chipettes arguing with the limo driver, so the Chipettes have grabbed Ian's phone and called Toby.]
:Brittany: He locked us in a cage.
:Ian: What, this is the biggest you have? I had my assistant call and ask for the biggest limo, this is not the biggest limo you have.
:Toby: I'll go break the news to Dr. Rubin.
:Alvin: Brittany—
:Toby: Alvin, don't move.
:Alvin: You got it.
[As soon as Toby is out of earshot, Alvin looks at the phone.]
:Alvin: Brittany, I'm coming to get you. Simon, tell Jeanette how to pick the lock.
:Simon: Roger that.
[Alvin gives the phone to Simon.]
:Alvin: Oh, man. I need to get to the girls, fast.
:Theodore: Oh! I know how!
[Alvin gets onto the toy motorcycle and drives off; while Li'l Rosero is finishing his act, Simon and Theodore are backstage with the phone where Simon is giving Jeanette directions.]
:Simon: Jeanette, focus. The third number is notoriously the hardest to crack. I'm assuming it's a prime number, but we can't assume--
:Jeanette: Simon! The first two numbers were 1s. I got to go with 1.
[Jeanette opens the lock in a matter of seconds.]
:Jeanette: It opened!
:Ian: Alright girls.
:Brittany: [whispers urgently] Ian's coming! Put the phone back! Hurry!
[Jeanette quickly puts the phone back in Ian's bag and puts her glasses back on; Ian approaches the cage.]
:Ian: Get ready to be fabulous.
:Brittany: Oh, we're ready.
:Ian: Yeah, you better be. [grabs his bag] 'Cause tonight's performance is gonna put me back on top.
[Ian grabs the cage and walks back to the limo; suddenly, Eleanor gasps; the Chipettes look up in time to see Alvin on the toy motorcycle, driving close behind them.]
:Host: Next up, please welcome, Charice.
[The crowd cheers as Charice walks onstage; the band starts playing and she begins singing into the microphone.]
:Charice: ♪ I just want you close, where you can stay forever ♪
[The limo rounds the corner.]
:Ian: Driver-man, take me to the arena, VIP entrance. Tout de suite.
[Jeanette reaches for the lock, but Brittany signals her to wait.]
:Ian: How about a little moon roof action? [opens the moon roof] Moon roofs are go! Rooves? Moon roof? Roofs? Rooves?
[Ian spots a bottle of champagne in front of him.]
:Ian: Ooh! Champagne. Ha ha! Don't mind if I do.
[While Ian is distracted, Brittany begins to remove the lock with Jeanette's help; afterwards, Brittany opens the cage door with ease.]
:Ian: You know why I don't mind if I do? Because tonight, we've got to toast to a very special someone named me. Ha ha!
[Ian opens the bottle; the Chipettes climb on top of the cage and escape through the moon roof without Ian noticing.]
:Ian: They said I couldn't do it. They said I'd never bounce back. Guess what? Time to kiss my sweet--
[Ian opens the champagne just as Eleanor escapes through the moon roof.]
:Ian: Ooh. Ah, yeah.
[Ian pours the champagne into a wine glass.]
:Ian: A toast, to the ladies who're gonna make the world forget about the Chipmu—
[Ian turns towards the cage but realizes that the Chipettes are gone when he sees the cage door wide open and looks around.]
:Ian: Wha?
[Just then, Ian turns around just in time to see Eleanor sliding down the window.]
:Eleanor: See ya!
:Ian: No! No no no! No!
[Ian stands up, seeing out the moonroof.]
:Ian: What are you doing?
[Ian's look darkens when he sees who's helping the Chipettes.]
:Ian: ALVIN!
[Alvin is driving besides the limo; he tosses the Chipettes the extra helmets.]
:Alvin: Hi Ian! Good to see you! You never write! Oh…
:Ian: No, Brittany, no—
:Alvin: Come on, girls!
:Ian: I signed a contract!
[Eleanor jumps down to the motorcycle.]
:Eleanor: Wahoo!
:Brittany: Jump, Jeanette!
:Jeanette: Uh—
:Ian: Wait!
:Jeanette: I'm not really good at— Whoa!
[Brittany pushes Jeanette to the motorcycle.]
:Brittany: I got you.
:Ian: I'm dead if you don't perform!
:Brittany: [jumps on the motorcycle] Punch it, Alvin!
:Alvin: You got it!
:Ian: No! Don't!
:Brittany: Hey Ian! In the words of The Donald, "you're fired!"
[Alvin and the Chipettes drive away; Ian pounds the top of the limo with his fists in frustration.]
:Ian: ALVIN!!!!!
[Back at the school, Charice is just finishing her song; Toby runs up to Simon and Theodore, crouching down.]
:Toby: Hey. Hey. Hey, guys. Any sign of Alvin yet? Huh?
:Simon: No. No Alvin, and no Chipettes. Just Dr. Rubin and, you know, the entire school counting on us.
:Toby: Well, um…yeah, you know, uh, don't, don't worry. Everything will work out…ish.
[Simon and Theodore both frown, hoping Toby is right. Alvin and the Chipettes drive by a toy store.]
:Brittany: Faster, Alvin!
:Alvin: Don't worry, I'm gonna get a little help from my friend Digger!
[Alvin drives into the toy store.]
:Alvin: Woo!
[Coming out of the sewer is Digger, the NASCAR gopher.]
:Digger: Roger that, Alvin!
[Ian's limo rounds the corner.]
:Ian: Look out!
:Digger: Whoa! Feels like I'm back at the racetrack!
:Man: Hey! Careful!
[The driver tries to go into the toy store, but crashes into a toy stand, causing the limo to stop.]
:Ian: [frustrated] Keep going! What are you doing?
[Ian sees a sign in the window for remote-control helicopters; he jumps out of the limo through the moonroof and runs into the store.]
:Ian: Yeah.
:Digger: Wait till I tell everybody back home I saved Alvin Seville.
[Alvin and the Chipettes drive through the different sections of the store.]
:Brittany: I guess I owe you an apology about Ian.
:Alvin: Stick with me, Brit.
[Alvin drives into a Chinese toy store.]
:Alvin: I'll never steer you wrong.
[Suddenly, Alvin screams, quickly turns the motorcycle around and drives out of the store.]
:Brittany: Oh yeah, I'll never doubt you again!
[A toy helicopter flies after them, controlled by none other than Ian; he cackles, running after Alvin and the Chipettes, a controller in his hands.]
:Alvin: I gotta say, he is definitely persistent.
:Brittany: [glancing back at Ian] We have got to lose him!
:Alvin: Hang on!
[Alvin turns the motorcycle around and starts driving towards the helicopter.]
:Alvin: I've got a plan. Jump on the count of 3.
[Alvin and the Chipettes approach the helicopter…]
:Alvin: 3!
[Alvin and the Chipettes all jump onto the helicopter, dangling from the landing skits.]
:Chipettes: Whoa!
:Ian: [making the helicopter go higher] Oh, that's it.
:Jeanette: I'm not really good with heights!
:Brittany: Just hang on tight, Jeanette!
:Ian: [making the helicopter fly closer to him] Bring my girls right to me.
:Alvin: We need the remote!
:Brittany: Guys, I know what to do. [takes off her helmet] It's hats off to Ian!
[The others take off their helmets and throw them at Ian, causing him to fall backwards and throw the remote in the air.]
:Ian: Whoa!
:Alvin: The remote!
:Brittany: [reaching her arm out] I can't reach it!
:Jeanette: I'm going for it. Grab my ankles!
[Jeanette jumps for the remote; Eleanor takes Jeanette's ankles, and Brittany takes Eleanor's; Jeanette manages to catch the remote by the antennae.]
:Jeanette: I got it!
[Jeanette clutches the remote to her chest as she hangs upside-down and gasps, for she could hardly believe it.]
:Jeanette: I got it.
:Alvin: Way to go, Jen!
:Brittany: Nice work, Jeanette!
:Eleanor: Good going, Jen!
[Eleanor looks down at Ian again.]
:Eleanor: Hey Ian! You were wrong! I don't need these!
[Eleanor throws her shoes down at Ian, but they accidentally hit the toy motorcycle, causing it to change directions.]
:Eleanor: Oops.
[Ian, still on the ground, looks up to see the motorcycle drive towards his open legs. CRUNCH! He groans from the pain and passes out.]
:Jeanette: Ooh.
:Brittany: Ouch.
:Eleanor: My bad.
[Jeanette starts directing the helicopter back to the school, flying Alvin, Brittany and Eleanor away.]
:Alvin: Adios, Ian!
[Alvin waves one last time before he and the Chipettes fly off.]
===Scene #13: We Are Family===
:Host: And now for our final act of the night. Now listen, we've had a last-second change to the line-up, but we don't think you're gonna be too disappointed. Representing West Eastman, it's the Chipmunks!
[The audience starts clapping and cheering loudly; from backstage, Simon and Theodore frown; Simon puts his paw on Theodore's shoulder.]
:Simon: We may have to go out there, Theodore.
[Simon and Theodore hear the crowd chanting "Chip-munks!" over and over; Dr. Rubin, who is in the audience, looks for any sign of the Chipmunks.]
:Host: Well, if there are no Chipmunks, we're gonna have to move on.
[The crowd starts booing.]
:Host: So now…
[Julie, who is also in the audience, frowns nervously.]
:Theodore: I don't wanna be booed again.
[Suddenly, Toby runs onstage.]
:Host: I'm sorry. We're gonna have to move on.
[Toby grabs the microphone out of the host's hand and starts speaking.]
:Toby: Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi! I, uh, um… [chuckles nervously] I'm not a chipmunk, as you can see.
[Toby spots Julie in the audience; suddenly, he finds himself unable to speak.]
:Someone: Play some music, you loser!
:Someone: Where's the music?
:Someone: Yeah!
[Everyone shouts for Toby to start singing.]
:Man: More music!
:Someone: Play some music!
:Toby: Ok ok…ok ok, I got a song, I got a song, I got a song.
[Toby starts singing.]
:Toby: ♪ Ever since I met you, I wanted to be your guy, but as you probably noticed, um, I'm pathologically shy, and standing on this stage right now, I think I'd rather die, so I'm just gonna start by saying ♪ Hi.
[Julie smiles.]
:Ms. Ortega: Hi.
:Theodore: Now that was huge.
[Suddenly, the crowd erupts into loud cheers; Toby smiles, thinking it is for him.]
:Toby: Thank you. Thank you. No really, thank you.
[Toby notices the crowd looking up at a spotlight pointed at an open window.]
:Toby: What the?
[The toy helicopter flies through the window, carrying Alvin, Brittany, Jeanette, and Eleanor.]
:Alvin: The Chipettes are in the building!
:Toby: It's the Chipettes!
[Toby runs off the stage.]
:Theodore: Alvin!
:Alvin: Yo, Theo!
:Brittany: Hello, West Eastman!
[Dr. Rubin smiles and runs toward the stage.]
:Jeanette: I'm putting her down, hang on!
[Jeanette lands the helicopter on the circular platform on the stage where she, Alvin, Brittany, and Eleanor are greeted by Simon and Theodore.]
:Theodore: Alvin!
:Simon: Double high-five, brother!
[Simon high-fives Alvin with both paws.]
:Jeanette: High-five! Oh, oops.
[Dr. Rubin goes to the microphone.]
:Dr. Rubin: Ladies and gentlemen, representing West Eastman, it is my great pleasure…
[The Chipmunks and the Chipettes jump off the platform.]
:Eleanor: This is such an honor!
:Theodore: For you or for us?
:Alvin/Brittany: [in unison] For us. Jinx. Double-jinx! Triple-jinx! Quadruple-jinx! Infinity-jinx!
:Jeanette: GUYS! We get it! Huddle up, gang!
[The Chipmunks and the Chipettes huddle up and Simon starts whispering.]
:Simon: Here's the plan…
:Dr. Rubin: …for the first time ever, I give you the Chipettes and the Chipmunks!
[The Chipmunks and the Chipettes break the huddle and begin to sing as the band starts playing.]
:Chipmunks/Chipettes: ♪ We are family! ♪
:Alvin: ♪ Whoooaaa! ♪
:Chipmunks/Chipettes: ♪ Yeah-ah, yeah! Everyone can see we're together as we walk on by, yeah! ♪
:Eleanor: ♪ And we fly just like birds of a feather, I will tell no lie ♪
:Chipmunks/Chipettes: ♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh! ♪
[Dave walks through the auditorium door, with crutches, a cast on his foot, and a neck brace.]
:Brittany: ♪ Just let me state for the record ♪
:Chipmunks/Chipettes: ♪ We're giving love! ♪
:Alvin: ♪ We're givin' love in a family dose ♪
:Chipmunks/Chipettes: ♪ We are family! ♪
:Alvin: ♪ Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah! ♪
:Chipettes: ♪ I got all my sisters with me! ♪
:Alvin: ♪ Whoa-ho-oh! ♪
:Chipmunks/Chipettes: ♪ We are family! ♪
:Brittany: ♪ Yeah-ha-yeah! ♪
:Chipmunks/Chipettes: ♪ Get up everybody and sing! ♪
:Brittany: ♪ Oh sing it to me, baby! ♪
:Chipmunks/Chipettes: ♪ We are family! ♪
:Alvin: ♪ Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! ♪
:Chipmunks/Chipettes: ♪ Get up everybody and sing! ♪
:Alvin: ♪ Sing it to me! ♪
[The Chipmunks see Dave standing in the front row, dancing to the music.]
:Chipmunks: Dave!
:Eleanor: ♪ Here's what we call ♪
:Chipmunks/Chipettes: ♪ Our golden rule! Our golden rule! Our golden rule! ♪
[In the audience, Toby weaves his way through the people, searching for Julie; finally, he comes face-to-face with his long-time crush.]
:Simon/Jeanette: ♪ All I want, all that I need ♪
:Brittany: ♪ All that I want! ♪
:Simon/Jeanette: ♪ Is to rock with my family, all I want, all that I need ♪
[Toby offers his hand to Julie, which she takes, but instead of a handshake, she embraces Toby and hugs him, which he gladly returns, his chin resting on her head.]
:Alvin: ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! ♪
[The three chipmunks pairs dance together on stage: Theodore and Eleanor, Simon and Jeanette, and Alvin and Brittany.]
:Chipmunks/Chipettes: ♪ We are family! ♪
:Alvin: ♪ We be a family! ♪
:Chipmunks: ♪ I got all my brothers with me! ♪
:Alvin: ♪ Got the brothers with me, yeah! ♪
:Chipmunks/Chipettes: ♪ We are family! ♪
:Brittany: ♪ Yeah, yeeeaaaah-aaaaaaah! ♪
[After a few last dance moves, the Chipmunks and the Chipettes all pose as the song ends; the crowd cheers.]
:Jeanette: Thank you!
:Theodore: Woo! Thank you.
:Simon: Thank you. Oh. Thank you so much.
:Host: Hey everybody. It's clear that we have a winner of the twenty-five thousand dollars. And it's West Eastman High! West Eastman High!
[Dr. Rubin runs up to the host and hugs him before accepting the check.]
:Alvin: Guys, we did it!
:Dr. Rubin: Wow!
:Theodore: Yeah!
:Jeanette: Can you believe it?
:Simon: A little something for the music department. Alright!
[Dr. Rubin blows the Chipmunks and the Chipettes a kiss.]
:Alvin: Right back at ya, Dr. Rubs!
[Alvin blows a kiss back and continues to celebrate with his brothers and the Chipettes. Meanwhile, at the Staples Center, the people chant for the Chipettes.]
:Announcer on PA: Ladies and gentlemen, the Staples Center is proud to welcome, the Chipettes!
[The crowd cheers. Oh yeah, you're probably wondering whatever happened to Ian. Well, since the Chipettes escaped him, Ian has only one idea, and it is not a very good one. Sticking out of the curtain is a sock puppet.]
:Ian: [in high-pitched voice] Hi, everyone. I'm Jeanette. And I'm Eleanor.
[The crowd has stopped cheering and Ian comes out on stage, wearing a golden dress, dressed up as Brittany and using sock puppets to portray Eleanor and Jeanette.]
:Ian: And I'm Brittany! And we're the Chipettes!
[There is a lot of chatter about the strange imposter.]
:Ian: 1, 2, 3.
[Ian starts doing some off-key singing.]
:Ian: ♪ All the single ladies, all the single ladies. All the single ladies, all the single ladies. ♪
:Girl: That's not the Chipettes!
[The crowd boos Ian and he is dragged offstage by a couple of guards.]
:Guard: Come on, lady.
:Ian: I know, I know. Alright, I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I know, I'm SORRY!!!! [in normal voice] I'm going!
[Back at the school, the Chipmunks and the Chipettes do an encore of "Shake Your Groove Thing."]
:Chipmunks/Chipettes: ♪ Shake your groove thing, shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah. Show 'em how you do it now, shake your groove thing. ♪
[During the music break, the Chipmunks run up to Dave, who is dancing behind them; they climb onto his shoulders and hug him.]
:Alvin: Dave! You're dancing!
:Simon: You're moving good, Dave!
:Theodore: Yeah!
:Simon: Welcome home.
:Theodore: So, did you miss us?
:Dave: Of course I missed you. You're my boys.
:Simon: Cool!
:Alvin: And Dave, just think how much you'd miss us if there were six of us.
:Dave: Alvin, what did you say?
:Alvin: Well, the Chipettes needed a place to crash, right? So, I said that you said they could stay with us for as long as they needed to.
:Dave: Alvin?!
:Alvin: Ok! This one's for Dave! Everybody shake what your mama gave ya! Woo!
:Chipmunks/Chipettes: ♪ Shake your groove thing, shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah. Show 'em how you do it now, get up, and shake it! Get up, and shake it! Get up, and shake it! Come on! Come on! Get up, and shake it! Get up, and shake it! Get up, and shake it! Come on! Come on! Get up, and shake it! Get up, and shake it! Get up, and shake it! Come on! Come on! ♪
[The music ends and everyone cheers. Later, Dave walks into the Chipmunks and the Chipettes bedroom, using his crutches.]
:Dave: Look at you. All ready for bed.
[The room has been arranged completely. There are now two sets of bunk beds, three for the boys and three for the girls, on either side of the room. Alvin got the top bunk, Theodore got the middle bunk, and Simon got the bottom bunk. On the other side, Brittany got the top bunk, Eleanor got the middle bunk, and Jeanette got the bottom bunk.]
:Dave: Looks like the Chipettes are a good influence.
:Brittany: Thanks Dave.
:Jeanette: Thanks Dave.
:Eleanor: Thanks Dave. [laughs]
:Dave: Ok guys, now lights out. Goodnight everybody.
:Simon: Goodnight Jeanette.
:Jeanette: Goodnight Simon.
:Theodore: Goodnight Eleanor.
:Eleanor: Goodnight Theodore.
:Brittany: Goodnight Alvin.
[No reply.]
:Dave: Alvin?
:Alvin: I'm not tired.
:Dave: Sorry, but you've got school tomorrow.
[Dave turns the lights off, beginning to walk out of the room; Alvin jumps down next to Theodore's bed and flips a light switch, turning the lights back on.]
:Alvin: Not tired!
[Dave walks back into the room.]
:Dave: Alvin, come on, it's time for bed.
[Dave turns the lights off again, only for Alvin to turn them on again.]
:Alvin: Not tired!
:Dave: Alvin?
[Dave sends Alvin a warning glare, turning the lights off again, only to get the same reaction from him.]
:Alvin: Still not tired!
[Flip!]
:Alvin: More awake!
[Flip!]
:Alvin: Tired. Just kidding! Much more awake!
:Dave: Alvin, that's it! Don't make me come over there!
:Alvin: Ok!
[Frightened, Alvin turns the lights off; unfortunately, this causes Dave to trip on the skateboard and fall backwards.]
:Dave: Whoa!
[CRASH! Alvin turns the lights back on.]
:Alvin: Oh boy, I suddenly got really really tired. Heh heh, night Dave.
[Alvin turns the lights off as Dave yells…]
:Dave: ALVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!
[Ryan, Xander and Jeremy scrape gum from the gymnasium bleachers as punishment for the way they treated the Chipmunks.]
:Dr. Rubin: Good start, gentlemen. Only 10 more rows of bleachers to go. Let's do it.
[The bullies grab their garbage bags and follow Dr. Rubin to the rest of the bleachers. Back at the Staples Center, Ian is dragged outside by the guards.]
:Ian: Alright, guys. Alright. Alright. Alright, I'm out. I'm out.
[A guard opens up the dumpster.]
:Ian: Oh, is this necessary?
[Ian is picked up and put in the dumpster.]
:Ian: Oh, c'mon! Oh, is that necessary? Is that—
[The guards close the lid of the dumpster and walk back inside.]
:Ian: At least let me go back and get my purse.
Category:20th Century Fox Transcripts
Category:Transcripts