Fruit Substitute

Fruit Substitute is the seventh episode of No Malarkey in Bikini Bottom High. It premiered on June 16, 2021.
==Plot==
Mr. Banana works as a substitute teacher for Fruit Switch Day.
==Transcript==
[The episode begins in the cafeteria, where the students are listening to Mr. Apple speak.] 
Mr. Apple: Welp students, I’m off to the White House! 
Mr. Hults: Why are you going to the White House? 
Mr. Apple: Because it’s Fruit Switch Day! Every year for one day we fruits switch jobs with another fruit. This year I’m switching with Mr. Banana! 
Mr. Lobster: And I’m going too! 
Mr. Bass: What? But you’re not a fruit! 
Mr. Lobster: Nope, but I’m a patriot on my way TO OVERTHROW THIS ILLEGITIMATE TYRANNICAL GOVERNMENT SET ON TAKING OUR GUNS AND FORCING US TO WEAR PANTIES ON OUR FACES! 
Mr. Apple: Actually, sorry Larry, but the White House didn’t grant you security clearance. 
Mr. Lobster: WHAT?! But I work there! 
Mr. Pepperchicken: Don’t worry, I can take his place! 
Mr. Bass: But you’re not a fruit either! 
Mr. Pepperchicken: Nope, but I’m something of an even higher status. A RUSSIAN! 
[Mr. Apple quickly dresses up Mr. Pepperchicken as a rabbit.] 
Mr. Apple: You’ll pay for that remark! There’s NOTHING higher than a fruit! And I’ll prove it to you! [begins running toward Mr. Pepperchicken]
Mr. Pepperchicken: Gah! [begins running away] This costume better be of a female rabbit so it isn’t gay! 
[Suddenly Mr. Sullivan runs onto the stage.] 
Mr. Sullivan: Come here, baby! 
Mr. Pepperchicken: AHHHHHHHHH!!!!
[one gang rape later]
Mr. Banana: HELLO STUDENTS OF BIKINI BOTTOM HIGH! Allow me to introduce myself! I am Mr. Banana, the Chief of Staff, Press Secretary, National Security Advisor, and Health and Human Services Secretary for the Biden Administration. 
Mr. Bass: Did you have to give yourself so many positions? 
Mr. Banana: GET BACK IN YOUR CRIB! Oh wait, you’re not Mr. Biden. 
Mr. Bass: No, but to be fair I do hang out in cribs quite often. 
Mr. Banana: The reason I have so many positions IS TO BE AS PRODUCTIVE AS POSSIBLE! Perhaps if you would follow my lead, you wouldn’t be a 30 year old still in high school! 
Mr. Bass: HEY! I’m only stuck here because I’ve been enslaved by the public education system! I’m plenty productive, I work two jobs! I intern at CPTV, and I run my very own small business! 
Mr. Banana: Pft, you’re working only two jobs?! What a couch potato! At the very least, you should be working four jobs! I myself work six jobs. In addition to my four jobs within the Biden Administration, I am also a stock trader and a gynecologist. 
Mr. Lobster: Pft, big deal. FOUR OF THOSE JOBS ARE FAKE! THE BIDEN REGIME IS A COMPLETELY ILLEGITIMATE ENTITY THAT-
Mr. Banana: Look, there’s George Soros! 
Mr. Lobster: Where?! 
[Suddenly Mr. Bass’ phone begins to ring.] 
Mr. Bass: Hello? IT’S A CUSTOMER! I need to make a fur suit pronto!
Mr. Banana: Nope. You need to stay here and focus on your studies. 
Mr. Bass: But it’s for Mr. Pineapple! 
Mr. Banana: Hm…fine. Anything to get that radical Marxist out of this learning environment! 
Mr. Bass: GREAT! [rushes out of the school]
Mr. Banana: Alright, kids. I’m gonna teach you how to be productive! Watch and learn. [opens up a computer] First, find some teenagers on the Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy Fanon Wiki. 
Mr. Lobster: I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN! Of course a member of the Satanic globalist Biden regime would be looking for kids online! You’re going to attract them over with promises of pizza and then initiate them as part of your sex trafficking ring! 
Mr. Banana: Nope. Pizza is the enemy of the people. I’m not going to groom these kids. I’m going to argue with them about politics! 
Mr. Renaud: And just when I thought things were getting good too! [sighs and walks back to his classroom]
[Suddenly a noise can be heard from Mr. Pepperchicken’s phone.] 
Mr. Pepperchicken: Hey, I just got a message from someone! 
[Mr. Pepperchicken checks his phone. The message is from Mr. Banana. It reads: 
Hey Tim
I got a present for you 
Here’s your present 
@everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone @everyone ]
Mr. Banana: HEY! No phones in class! [grabs Mr. Pepperchicken’s phone] 
Mr. Pepperchicken: But you’re the one who sent me the message! 
Mr. Banana: Don’t disrespect your elders. That’s detention for you, young man. 
Mr. Pepperchicken: But- 
Mr. Banana: QUIET, RO KHANNA! Now, time for the second part of our lesson in productivity! TRADING STOCKS!
Mr. Hults: [raises hand] Uh, I have a question. Which would you say is a better investment stra-
Mr. Banana: QUIET! I don’t have time to answer questions! Literally *seconds* matter when you’re trading stocks! 
[He clicks a button on the computer.] 
Mr. Banana: And I just made a million bucks. 
[the students cheer] 
Mr. Banana: Thank you, thank you. But remember kids, even when you’re rich like me, it’s important not to forget the plight of those living in poverty. It’s crucial to give back to them. 
Mr. Hults: So you’re going to be donating your wins to charity? 
Mr. Banana: What? NO! I didn’t mean “giving” literally. I meant I’m not going to sleep on a bed! Now, time for the final lesson in productivity. 
[Mr. Banana jumps off the stage, walking over to Ms. Strawberry’s office. He rips off his peel and knocks on the door. It is opened by Ms. Broccoli.] 
Ms. Broccoli: Oh, why what a pleasant surprise, Mr. Banana. [she grabs the tip of his girthy banana cock] 
Mr. Banana: GAH! LET GO OF ME! WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING HERE?! 
Ms. Broccoli: Oh, I switched jobs with Ms. Strawberry for Fruit Switch Day. 
Mr. Banana: But you’re not a fruit! You’re a vegetable! 
Ms. Broccoli: I’ve never had any problems breaking a few rules. Now, why don’t you come punish me for it, Principal? 
[She pulls Mr. Banana into the classroom, slamming the door shut. The episode ends as Mr. Banana screams.]
Category:Episodes