SCP-027-J

Item #: SCP-027-J
Object Class: Yol-klid Keter Euklid Safe Euklid Keter Safe Keter Yol-klid Safe Keter
Dr. ████████, stop changing the classification all the time immediately! - O5-█
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-027-J is to be held in a three by three (3 x 3) meter enclosure which has to be surrounded by a high voltage barbed wire fence, self-firing systems, a mine site, five (5) machine gun nests, three (3) tanks of the Nebukadnezer-class as well as an sealed of air space. Under absolutely no circumstances is a tapping plant to be brought in a one point five perimeter around SCP-027-J.
Description: SCP-027-J is a hybridism of chicken and tap. It consists of a chicken's body, but possesses a spigot in place of its head. SCP-027-J is able to move at astonishing speeds, faster than it should be possible for normal chickens. To the upper end of its tap it measures approximately one meter, and is thus noticeable bigger than common, tap-less chickens.
The tap-chicken is able to trace every tap in an area of one (1) kilometer. If it has found a tap, it will rush towards it with unbelievable force. Reports state that, at that point, a chicken can no longer be stopped. A closed tavern door gets simply overrun and banged to the floor. When it has reached a tap, the tap-chicken will immediately try to mate with the tap in order to reproduce as much as possible. During this phase, the tap-chicken will defend itself via vehemently clawing and picking (if you can put it this way. Actually it just beats up everything with its dispenser). This process has a devastating effect onto the tap who, after this procedure, will die, through which the beer-source will run dry. Only the installation of a new tap is able to clean up this circumstance, but will lead to the tap-chicken being attracted once more.
When the tap-chicken has successfully incubated new, always female offsprings, they will, after reaching adulthood, also search for a tap.
Merely massive usage of firearms has proven to be effective in counteracting the tap-chickens. Tap-chickens are pretty tough. In the end, if it is not possible to become master of this epidemic, all beer stocks inside the pubs will be endangered. A catastrophe of unimaginable proportions.
----Guard our innkeepers from the big, bad tap-hen, for it comes to mate, in the pub, every night. Guard our barrels from the big, bad tap-hen, for it searches for a tap that makes it many children. - Shock prayer known inside pubs
Incident-Report 027-01-J
On the ██.██.████, the following incident occurred at the pub ██████████:
Around 23:25, SCP-027-DE-J penetrated the door in its usual brute manner, and directly tried to storm at the bar. However, an exceedingly beloved visitor was able to throw himself on it with his whole body weight in time. What followed was a racy kind of "chicken rodeo", during which the vast majority of the pub was broken… as well as a large number of guests. In total there were 34 injured, 12 of them severely.
During the "ride", the visitor managed to grab an empty tankard, holding it under the tap, and to operate the lever. Indeed, a liquid, similar to wheat beer, began to flow out of the tap. The visitor masterly rolled himself of the chicken, which, in one leap, immediately raided the counter (notwithstanding the cursing and punching of the innkeeper) to mate itself with said tapping device.
Meanwhile the visitor, who drained some liquid from the tap-chicken's tap-chicken-tap-device, took a vigorous gulp from the glass in which there was the tap-chicken-liquid, only to spit it out, together with the contents of his digestive track.
Later, the visitor explained to an agent of the foundation that the liquid "had tasted like warm, stale beer with the flavor of rotten, raw eggs". The seemed to have apparently suffered no health damages
The glass with the remaining liquid (and a portion of the visitor's digestive track) was safely secured inside a fridge in Dr. ████████`s office. For [EXPUNGED] reasons, a valuable accommodation was not provided. Dr. ████████ urgently insisted that the liquid [DATA EXPUNGED].
Category:SCPs
Category:Keter
Category:Joke SCPs