The Simpsons Guy/Quotes

:Chris: Yay! A crossover always brings out the best in each show! It certainly doesn't smack of desperation. The priorities are always creative and not driven by marketing...
:Stewie: Okay, that's enough.
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:Brian: Peter, you should see this. Your dishwasher cartoon has really outraged the online community. 
:Peter: What? Gosh, it's not like the internet to go crazy over somethin' small and stupid.
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:Lois: Peter, we've been driving all night. Pull over to that gas station. We can use the bathroom and stretch out legs.
:Peter: You got it, babe.
:Lois: Did you call me babe?
:Peter: I did.
:Lois: Oh, Peter.
:(Peter and Lois start kissing and Meg gets disgusted)
:Meg: Ew, Mom.
:Peter: You'll never have this, Meg.
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:Brian: I guess we're in a town called Springfield.
:Steiwe: Springfield, eh? What state?
:Brian: I can't imagine we're allowed to say.
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:Homer: (offscreen) I'll pay for those donuts.
:(A man who appears to be Homer at first, but is actually someone who has nothing to do with anything, dramatically reveals himself, stepping out from a dark corner of the room)
:Lois: Thank you so much, sir.
:Homer-Lookalike: For what? I didn't say anything.
:Lois: Oh.
:Homer: (offscreen) It was me.
:(The real Homer Simpson reveals himself)
:Stewie: How come this convenience store has so many shadowy parts?
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:Peter: Mmmm, yummy. Donut.
:Homer: That's pretty good, but try it like this. Mmmm ... donut.
:Peter: Mmmm ... donut.
:Homer: I think you and I are gonna get along just okay.
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:Lois: Oh, thank you so much for putting us up until we find our car.
:Marge: And thank you for not being a band of hippie murderers.
:Homer: And now this again. You bring home two bands of hippie murderers, and suddenly that's all you're about.
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:Bart: Got kicked out of camp. I superglued my counselor's butt cheeks together.
:Marge: That's terrible. But how did you even get access to his butt cheeks?
:Bart: I'm not the only one who got kicked out of camp.
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:Marge: This is Bart. Honey, your hands are filthy. Go wash up for lunch.
:Bart: Eat my shorts!
:Stewie: Eat my shorts. I love that! Is that a popular expression? Like, "What the Deuce?"
:Brian: Probably more popular. Probably... Probably way more popular.
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:Bart: Hey, do you wanna make a prank phone call?
:Stewie: Ooh! Prank phone call!
:(phone rings)
:Moe: Hello, this is Moe's Tavern. Moe speaking.
:Bart: Uh, yeah, I'm looking for a friend, last name Keebum, first name Lee.
:Moe: Eh, hang on, let me check. Uh, hey, guys, do I got a Lee Keebum? C'mon look at the stools. Uh, is there a Leigh Kebum? Uh, somebody check the rear. I know I got a Lee Keebum.
:Barney: Then you probably shouldn't be handling food.
:(Everybody laughs)
:Stewie: Oh, my God! That's amazing, that's the coolest thing ever! Hey, I want to try.
:Bart: Okay.
:Stewie: Hello, Moe? Your sister's being raped! Is that...? Is that one?
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:Meg: Look at all these trophies. There must be like 20 of them.
:Lisa: 23, but I'm sure you have a lot of trophies of your own.
:Meg: No, I'm not good at anything.
:Lisa: Oh, Meg, I'm sure you're good at something. We just have to find out what it is. After all, Nelson Mandella said it's our obligation to shine.
:Meg: You mean like my oily face and back?
:Lisa: No, maybe don't sit on my bedspread, please. But I mean the light within you that makes you an individual. Meg, you need to know that you matter.
:Meg: Really? No one's ever told me I mattered before.
:Lisa: That's why you have to say it. So say it.
:Meg: I matter.
:Lisa: Louder!
:Meg: I matter!
:Peter: (Offscreen) Shut up, Meg! You don't matter!
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:Maggie: (pacifier suck)
:(Chris sees Maggie's pacifier and yanks it out of her mouth and puts it into his own)
:Maggie: Whaaaaaa! Squeeeeaaaal! Whaaaaaa!
:(Maggie yanks her passy back from Chris)
:Chris: Whaaaaaaaaa!!!
:(Maggie gives another passy to Chris)
:Chris: (pacifier suck)
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:Homer: I bet you and me could find your car on our own.
:Peter: You think so?
:Homer: Yeah, 'cause Homer Simpson and Peter Griffin are a great team.
:Peter: A greater team than...
:Homer: Than...
:Peter: Yeah, keep goin'. Than... somethin' else?
:Homer: Something else? I don't know what this is.
:Peter: Ugh. O-O-Okay, I'll do it. Homer Simpson and Peter Griffin are an even greater team than the air force.
:(A fantasy of Homer and Peter in the air force begins)
:Peter: Hold steady, I've got 'em in my sights.
:(Peter shoots down the enemy plane)
:Homer: Woo-hoo!
:Peter: Yea-heh-heah!
:(Bob Belcher from Bob's Burgers appears in the plane)
:Bob: Yeah, we did it.
:Homer: What's he doing here?
:Peter: Oh, we gotta carry 'im 'cause he can't fly on his own. We let that other guy try, and look what happened.
:(Cleveland Brown from The Cleveland Show is seen in a crashing plane)
:Cleveland: No, no, no, no, no, nooooo!
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:Jeremy: Welcome to Krusty Burger, may I take your order?
:Chris: Your voice sounds stupid!
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:Nelson: Hey, loser, I copied off your spelling test and got a D.
:(Nelson punches Bart in the stomach)
:Nelson: Ha, ha!
:Stewie: I say, how long has that boy been treating you like that?
:Bart: Uhh. About 24 years.
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:Homer: Alright, Peter. If we're gonna find your car, we gotta think like a car. So, let's fill up at the gas station.
:(Homer and Peter are drinking gasoline from the gas pumps)
:Peter: I feel sick.
:Homer: Keep drinking. I prepaid 40 bucks!
:Peter: Uh, Homer, maybe we're doing this wrong.
:(They see a woman putting the gas pump into the hole of the rear of her car)
:Peter: Oh, crap.
:(Cutaway to a German adult video store called "Video Erötich")
:Video Erötich Customer: Haben Sie Homer und Peter mit Chevron pump? (Rough English translation: "Have you got Homer and Peter with a Chevron pump?") 
:(Clerk points to a shelf of porn videos, with Homer and Peter, with the gas pumps called "Gassensexen")
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:Marge: Hey, where's Santa's Little Helper? Brian, you took him for a walk, right?
:Brian: Uh, yeah, yeah. (chuckles) More-more like he took me for a walk. (chuckles) God, what a what a fun dog. He's in the kitchen right now, totally accounted for.
:Chris: (quietly) Shut up.
:Brian: I'll, uh I'll go check on him right now and Chris will come with me. But nobody else!
:(Brian and Chris go into the kitchen)
:Brian: (Offscreen) Ruff! Ruff, ruff! Ah, there he is! (Onscreen) Aw, you like that behind the ear, don't you, boy?
:Chris: Uh... Ruff, ruff! I'm another dog in here!
:Brian: (quietly): What the hell are you doing?
:Chris: (quietly): He's having a doggy playdate.
:Brian: How does that help us?
:Chris: We're creating a broad story. Also, Matthew McConaughey is in here, too! "All right, all right, all right."
:Brian: (Offscreen) No, no, he's-he's not really in here! He's We-we thought it was him, but it was just the oven! (Onscreen; quietly) Now you're just doing voices.
:Chris: Jack Nicholson?!
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:Peter: Now, Homer, thanks for helping me get my car back and to show my appreciation, I got a little something for you. Here you go.
:(Peter gives Homer a beer)
:Peter: Pawtucket Patriot Ale. The best Quahog has to offer. Always keep an emergency six-pack in my trunk.
:Moe: Oh, that's cool. Bringing outside beer into my bar.
:Homer: Down the hatch!
:(Homer drinks the beer)
:Peter: That's pretty good, right?
:Homer: No.
:Peter: Huh?
:Homer: It's not good. This beer tastes exactly like Duff. It's just a lousy rip-off.
:Peter: Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa! It's not a rip-off of Duff. It may have been inspired by Duff, but I-I like to think it goes in a different direction.
:Homer: No, this is just the same as Duff, but, like, worse.
:Peter: Hey, come on, now, this is my favorite beer you're talking about. Hell, I work for the company. It's my livelihood.
:Moe: Oh, yeah? Well, your livelihood is based on fraud. Look at this.
:(Moe rips the label off of the beer bottle, revealing it to really be Duff under there)
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:(Cleveland and Carl are next to each other in court)
:Cleveland: You know why they got us sitting next to each other.
:Carl: Uh, 'cause we're the two funniest guys in our towns?
:Cleveland: Damn right.
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:Meg: Thanks for being so cool, Lisa. I cut your name in my arm so I'll always remember you.
:Lisa: Ugh. Meg, I want you to have this.
:(Lisa gives Meg her saxophone)
:Meg: Your saxophone?
:Lisa: Yes, Meg. When you played the saxophone, I could feel you soul coming out. So, I want you to take this and shine.
:Meg: Lisa, no one has ever done anything this nice for me. You're amazing, and I will never be like you. I'm not pretty, I'm not smart, I'm not talented. I have the same shoe size as Charles Barkley. My prom date was a scarecrow I stole, and he left with someone else. The inside of my hat smells so bad I'm not allowed in most restaurants...
:Lisa: Hey, hey! Shut up, Meg.
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:(Homer attempts to strangle Peter. Peter slaps his face making him let go of his neck. He coughs)
:Peter: Ow! What the hell? That really hurts!
:Homer: No it doesn't. I do it to my son all the time.
:Peter: You strangle your son? That's insane! No wonder he's fat and stupid and masturbates all the time.
:Homer: That's your son!
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:(Homer starts throwing Emmy awards at Peter)
:Peter: Hey, that's no fair! I don't got none of them!
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:Kodos: Perfect, the earthlings are destroying themselves.
:(Roger Smith from American Dad! appears)
:Roger: Yeah, it's really great. Isn't it, guys? (to the audience) We went to summer camp together.
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:Homer: Say hi to Maude Flanders.
:Peter: No, you say hi to Muriel Goldman.
:Homer: Who?
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:Peter: Hey, listen, I... I'm sorry we fought. I just wanted to make you laugh and cry. You see, I'm a Family Guy.
:Homer: I understand. I'm a The Simpsons.
:Peter: Look, even if we don't work as best pals, I respect you.
:Homer: You too. Let's just agree to stay a half hour away from each other.
:Peter: With a pile of garbage between us.
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:Homer: Knock it off there is a kid back there!
:Ralph: *chuckles* I’m in danger
Category:Crossovers
Category:Crossovers with Family Guy
Category:Family Guy
Category:Quotes