Wanda's Dad

Wanda's Dad is the two hundred and forty-fifth episode of Off Book: The Improvised Musical. It features guest Lily Sullivan. It seems like everyone at school has the hots for Principal Robert Duprix, much to his daughter Wanda's displeasure. Follow the shenanigans of students and faculty alike, including two prank-loving admins, teachers faking accents, and a boy with something rumbly in his tummy.
== Episode Description ==
The hilarious Lily Sullivan (This Book Changed My Life, Righteous Gemstones) is back for a wild day-in-the-life musical about a school in Colorado with Ski P.E. and one hot as hell principal, Wanda's Dad. With songs like, "The Rumble in my Tummy," "All of that Time Without a Helmet" and "Hot Dad" you'll be hitting the slopes with a spring in your step and a song in your heart. Official Episode Description
==Plot==
=== Act I===
Two schoolchildren, Scarlet and Jimmy, ask their classmate, Wanda, to hang out, but it’s clear they are much more interested in spending time with her dad and principal of the school, Roger Dupree ("Got It Bad for Wanda's Dad"). Wanda is frustrated that all the teachers and students are obsessed with her dad, both because of his looks and his personality. Eventually, she agrees that her dad is hot and, before school starts, asks him if they can have dinner together without her mom around. Although confused by her strange request, Roger agrees to try and make it happen.
As the principal, Roger is in charge of the morning announcements. Gayle and Debra, two ladies who work in the administration office, and the football coach come to him in a panic, frantically reminding Roger to time the announcements perfectly for 25 seconds after the bell rings. Roger is baffled why they’re so panicked, but launches into the announcements perfectly anyway (“Good Morning Tigers”). He asks the students to stop lighting small fires on the football field, writing on the outside of the lockers, and altering the big digital sign to say “Vibes”. Gayle confesses she is responsible for the first two, while she and Debra worked together on the last one. Amongst other announcements, Roger tells the students it’s now mandatory to wear a helmet during Ski P.E.
When pressed, Gayle and Debra tell Roger that they worry so much over the announcements as they arrive at school much earlier than him—mostly to decide if they’re going to do some kind of prank that day. Debra’s nephew was the one who taught her how to alter the sign and also how to make deepfake videos. Gayle explains that the pranks make her feel alive.
Agitated by the mention of pranks, the coach laments how he’s been doxxed by his football players and that they’ve leaked his social security number. Debra points out that his students weren’t happy with the fact that he kept joining their games in Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn to urge them to go practice football. The coach tries to defend himself, but when he says “I’m trying to play with these boys”, Gayle and Debra deliberately misconstrue his words and prepare to make a deepfake video of him. The coach begs them not to do this: the last deepfake video they made of him not only got him canceled, but made his wife leave him. And although Gayle and Debra tried to send his wife an apology edible arrangement, they accidentally sent her one made of edibles, thus unintentionally continuing the prank.
At this point, Roger asks the three of them to go to their classes. Gayle and Debra remind him that they don’t teach classes—they work in administration! They explain to him at length the many tasks they do at this school, including logistics, pranks, and various janitorial duties ("We Do So Much More"). Both Roger and the janitor beg the two of them to stop doing the latter, especially seeing as Gayle scratches her name into the bathroom stall doors to check off the one's she's cleaned. Gayle and Debra also tell them that they deliberately spread chickenpox throughout the entire student body. 
Then, a young student named Gregory walks into the office, asking if he can use their phone to call his mom. As they try to figure out Gregory’s mom’s phone number, it’s revealed that Gayle and Debra were the ones who doxxed the coach as a prank. 
Gregory asks his mother to pick him up, but, familiar with this routine, she tells him that he can’t just come home every single time he feels scared by a rumble in his tummy ("The Rumble in My Tummy"). Gregory worries the rumble might be him turning into a zombie or an alien bursting out of his stomach, and is particularly afraid that this will end up killing his dad. Debra whispers to Gayle that she suspects Gregory just needs to fart. His mother reassures Gregory that she’s 99% sure that it’s a fart, but acknowledges that there’s a 1% chance that anything could happen. Debra thinks this is the most hilarious thing she’s ever seen and tells Gayle that they need to write this in their book where they record funny things. As Gregory farts and goes back to class, they note that his fart does sound strangely rhythmic, almost like Morse code, and wonder about that 1% chance.
After returning from making his rounds around the school, Roger asks the two ladies if they’ve ever noticed the strange attention he receives, and Debra confirms that everyone around him is in love with him/wants to have sex with him. Gayle informs him that the French teacher, Carol Donahue, in particular has confessed to having a crush on him. As if on cue, Carol, supposedly looking for coffee, walks into the office and strikes up a flirtatious conversation with Roger. Gayle and Debra are mortified by her behavior and her heavy French accent—they know that Carol is from Colorado and, despite constantly referencing France, has only spent two days there six years ago. Outfitted with a big, flowing scarf, beret, and a baguette that seem to appear out of nowhere, Carol recounts her time in Paris and praises all of its differences from America (“I’m a European Woman”).
=== Act II ===
Returning to English class, Gregory is welcomed by his classmate Scarlet who wants to know why he missed their group presentation on Charles Dickens, and Gregory explains his situation and his need to protect his dad, his role model, at all costs. Their teacher, Mrs. Greenfield, speaks to them with a heavy English accent and throws around slang that she clearly doesn’t understand, much to Gregory and Scarlet’s bemusement.
Scarlet suspects that the reason all their teachers have these fake accents is because helmets weren’t mandatory in Ski P.E. in the past, and they’ve all sustained head injuries as a result. With Wanda, Scarlet and Gregory discuss the dangers of skiing without a helmet, as well as the distant possibility of an alien popping out of your stomach and killing your dad ("All of That Time Without a Helmet"). 
Gregory questions Wanda’s feelings toward her dad, and Wanda admits that she doesn’t actually think she’s attracted to her dad; she just got caught up in the fervor and was copying everyone else. Scarlet is sympathetic and confesses that she felt the same way when Wanda and Gregory got into that phase where they would stick their feet into pudding and eat it. Much to her dismay, Wanda and Gregory inform her that it’s not a phase, but something they continue to do to this day.
As the three of them arrive at Ski P.E., the coach tells the class that the black diamond ski trails are closed because there is some kind of big pig on the slopes. Scarlet and Wanda are excited and want to go sneak off to find the big pig, but Gregory is horrified and thinks this is incredibly dangerous. Even though the mountain has a lot of extreme slopes with intense names, Scarlet and Wanda manage to convince Gregory to come with them (“Big Pig on the Slopes").
The big pig turns out to be Gayle and Debra in a highly realistic two-person pig costume, pulling yet another prank. As they discuss the possibility of the kids finding them, Roger calls the two of them on the phone to ask why the admin office is empty, and they inform him they act as chaperones on Ski P.E. days. They reassure him that any calls get forwarded to their cellphones—though Debra has a missed call from Gregory’s mom. Roger warns them that there’s been a giant boar reported on the slopes, but decides it's best that he comes up the mountain himself to chase it away.
On the way up the mountain, Gregory’s mother runs into Roger and tells him she came because she was worried about her son. Her husband just told her that he has an alien living inside of his stomach, and she’s realizing that the rumble in Gregory’s stomach is identical to his father’s. She warns him that the alien could be very dangerous, and Roger becomes determined to find Gregory and keep the school safe.
As the three children observe the big pig, Gregory looks pale as strange screeching noises begin to emanate from his stomach ("A Truth Inside Me"). Although Wanda and Scarlet try to assure Gregory it’s just another fart, an alien soon emerges from Gregory’s mouth. The alien proclaims it’s here to take over their planet, but Gregory refuses to let it hurt his dad and begins to hit it with his skis, cutting off its attempts to elaborate on its backstory. However, the children aren’t strong enough, and as Gregory’s mom arrives on the scene, they suggest feeding the alien to the big pig.
Panicked, Gayle and Debra insist the big pig isn’t hungry at the moment. Luckily, Roger triumphantly shows up with an extremely hot cup of coffee that he pours over the alien. As the alien melts into space dust, it laments that it should have listened to its parental figure 3,000 years ago and worn a helmet. 
Roger explains that he’d originally brought the coffee for Carol who is skiing in a big scarf and a bikini. Revealing themselves, Gayle and Debra confess that the big pig was yet another prank, and Roger admits that it was a good prank. Roger tells Wanda that although he asked, her mother wants to be part of the dinner as well. Wanda apologizes to him, saying she just wanted to be admired like he is. Roger tells the children that there are many ways to be a “hot dad” like him, and they shouldn’t doubt their capabilities to become one too (“Hot Dad (Finale)”). As everyone reflects on what makes each of them a hot dad, they all ski down back to the school.
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== Musical Cast ==
=== Jessica McKenna ===
* Scarlet
* Debra, admin
* Alien
=== Zach Reino ===
* Jimmy
* Roger Dupree, Wanda's dad and principal
* Coach
* Janitor
* Spence
* Gregory
=== Lily Sullivan ===
* Wanda
* Gayle, admin
* Gregory's mom
* Carol Donahue, French teacher
* Mrs. Greenfield, English teacher
== Songs ==
* "Got It Bad for Wanda's Dad"
* "Good Morning Tigers"
* "We Do So Much More"
* "The Rumble in My Tummy"
* "I'm a European Woman"
* "All of That Time Without a Helmet"
* "Big Pig on the Slopes"
* "A Truth Inside Me"
* "Hot Dad" (Finale)
== Black Diamond Slope Names ==
* Widow's Maker's Revenge
* Misty Maiden's Maevel Navel Passage
* Dangerous Barrister's Buttocks
* Rusty Rivers Ranger's Rover
* The Grape Escape
* Eclipse: The Mitsubishi Car Got Eclipsed by the Sonata
* Touchdown Drive's Biggest Hullabaloo
* Murderous Melon-Making Machine
* Mouth Organ's Revenge of the Tiny Cat That Lives in the Vent
* Crusty Crustaceans on the Ocean of Snow
* Lickety Lickety Lickety Lickety Banana Split
* Vietnam
* Leather Couch That Sucks You In
* Name-Brand Hand Soap
* New and Last and Only Hope
* Imagine Dragons
* Roses 'N' Gun
* Blink-182
* Bye Bye Bye
* Poo Poo Poo
* Backyardigans
* Will You Ever Learn?
* Yu-Gi-Slope, King of Slopes
* Revenge of the Jedi
* An Old Hope
* Brown Paper Bag over Her Head
* Maidens Maiden's Revenge Plot
== As We Say Every Week... ==
== Gallery ==
File:Wanda's Dad.jpg
== References ==
Category:Episodes
Category:Lily Sullivan
Category:Completed plot summary