LLR Observer 10

Listen up ya people, my name Cryan Pulvarez. I’m extremely pissed because I was informed I had to write the Observer on a day’s notice. I’m pissed because Gabe Seltzer is a fucking numpty. I’m pissed that I don’t have any inside news. I’m pissed that I am pissed.
Let’s just get this started,
THIS WEEK IN LLR * NXP invaded SmackDownLive with u/LMonkA7X hosting tons of promotional matches on the show. I was in the front row, watching Gabe get his ass kicked. That fucker deserves it.
* u/TheHandsomeJosh is a dangerous man to be with. Just ask Yenee Roung who was on the receiving end of his ‘protection’. Bean Bambrose has been heard saying, “I will chopee chopee his pee pee.”
* u/ThePruef cut a brilliant promo about not fearing anything that comes his way. The iron workhorse may be fearless but u/hironationrockz is still recruiting. The newest member of the hironation army has hired the services of the world famous ‘Bob the Mennequin’. I suggest the Army should also sign a new editor. Pay me with a pizza three times and I’ll take the job. I’ll even send you my CV. Fuck you Gabe. Fuck you.
* u/GryffindorTom, I need to really thank you. If it weren’t for your antics, Gabe’s work wouldn’t have sold a dime. I mean, just go read his interview with Yenee Roung. It’s as awkward as a Carribean Kingpin wearing a bear costume. But just when you start counting Tom out, the lovable and awkward foodie becomes someone we don’t want to be in the same ring with. I don’t know if that stupid Gabe has appreciated this or not but the Protectorate/Tom gimmick dynamic is the most underrated things happening.
* u/MrFreak_Juice tries to apprehend u/Immathrodis and ends up being kidnapped. This is the new shit. Lights off. Person disappears. Ends up dying. Go ask u/senorMeekmahan. If the best dancer in LLR dies, who’ll channel the power of dance? The fourth wall breaking u/Ontheropes619?
* u/thegamerwhohelps cut a solid promo about flying solo. Gamer is underrated there is no doubt but the problem I feel about his entire act is lack of feuds. NXP could be his breakout moment. Someone face this guy dammit and give him his big break.
* u/VacantforHOF and u/SlowbroJJ cut two very similar promos at the same time. You know the usual about LLR falling and not being like back when they ruled the seven seas. Vacant backtracked but I don’t think these two make mistakes. Are they going to feud again? A trilogy?
* Throdis-Man and Gameboy continued with u/TheFalconArrow and u/King-Of-Zing’s interrogation. Falcon seemed to be very willing to help offering notes and an old information about the NPA but the fact remains that his ring was found at the sight of the HOF attack. I hate to agree with Gabe but this series is a must read.
* u/delois_oracle shared the past of u/InsaneIcon aka u/Shriramrishi about how he was just a silly unsuccessful vagabond before she allowed him to sit on her chair of power in her house. The power seemed to have caused Icon/Rishi to become delusional and think of himself as a God. He burned the house. These characters are not PG. They teach arson, murder, theft and all forms of crime. Keep your kids away.
* u/King-Of-Zing’s UK Tournament at WCPW Refuse To Lose concluded. Zing drew with u/TheDezoo, maintaining her undefeated UK streak. The tournament itself ended with u/StraightupTalibum winning after he topped A block and u/TheCivilizedGamer and u/InsaneIcon eliminated each other from the finals by drawing in the B block finals. This is the beginning of #StraightupPushTalibum.
* u/Lemonstains, the big bad booty daddy that he is, fucked u/coolscorpion83’s hot sister. She herself verified the Fatass-killer’s actions and also made a point to thank u/King-Of-Zing for reasons yet to be revealed. Scorpion has been seething and kicked Lemons pervy ass all over the place. Yet, his sister wants Lemons to stain her bed. Okay, I’ll stop….
* u/WrestlingAndClarinet returned and instantly demanded a tag team partner. He ain’t got none.
* u/coolscorpion83 is taking leave of absence due to his birthday. Problem is, he isn’t getting a cake since his sister has learned from Lemony Lemons that cake will make him a fatass. That’s dangerous territory. Happy Birthday from Cryan Pulvarez’ side though. Enjoy the gluten free diet.
* u/TheUltimateMark hosted a funeral of u/senorMeekmahan. From birthday to deathday, LLR is the circle of life folks.
* The P1s United, the newest members of the Remnant, kept discussing plans to impress the Remnant. The traitor P1 wanted to make a new subreddit. Dan shot him down. They seem to have come to the conclusion that TGI Fridays Gift Cards and the LLR Tag Team Championships are the requirements.
* Corporate owner u/YourbuddyChurch got a note from the NPA. ‘We’re coming’ is what they said. That’s very poor choice of words. Very very poor. But they’re coming either way. The end is nigh, the end is fucking nigh.
* u/Mlgbonghits4 and u/ThePruef are teaming up and it’s gonna be lit. Literally. Just take care of not lighting it up at work, Pruef.
* u/PhenomenalInferno says he’s gonna win NXP. You better. Kick that fucking Seltzer’s ass while you’re at it. I’m part of Team Inferno. Are you?
* u/IamtheP1 is now a spooky man. He also doesn’t like kids who don’t brush their teeths. Inb4 we have a r/Brushfetishsubreddit.
* u/GryffindorTom will reveal his contractual status in LLR at Hell In A Cell. Is that right? Inside scoop: Tommy’s getting a bigger paycheque and better merch. And u/YourbuddyChurch isn’t giving him the mug with his face on it, I swear to god, I’ll knock you out.
* u/IamtheP1 is still the same guy when he’s going to Remnant meetings. His partner Dan has been trying to keep in check but it’s becoming an issue. The Remnant met and Throdis revealed he did it for the people. He kicked Primo for the Cap...err, for the kicks. Figure it out. I don’t know if I can reiterate this anymore but these two have a really interesting act going. They deserve a push and the spotlight.
INSIDE NEWS:
* u/red_destruction is u/Bahamas_is_irrelevant. What? You expected more? I am underpaid and will not do extra work for Seltzer. Fight me.
Match of the week: u/ThePruef Vs u/Mlgbonghits4 UK Cup- 3.25 stars
Segment of the week: Throdis and Gameboy: Hall Of Fame interrogation
Category:Observer