Transcripts/Spice Up Your Life

:Twilight Sparkle: As you've all probably noticed, it's been quite some time since the map has sent us on a mission of friendship.
:Spike: Yeah! Ever since Starlight messed with it to go back in time and try to change history!
:Twilight Sparkle: Yes. Since then. But, as part of her studies, Starlight's been assisting me. And together, we think we've come up with a spell that can get it working again!
:[ponies cheering]
:Pinkie Pie: [simultaneously] Ooh, well done!
:Twilight Sparkle: Now without further ado...
:[magic sounds]
:[ponies gasping and oohing]
:Pinkie Pie: Fluttershy and Twilight in Appleloosa! No, me and Rainbow Dash in Las Pegasus! No, Rainbow Dash and Twilight in Yakyakistan! No, Twilight and Twilight in Twilight's castle! Oh. Me! Me! Oh, me... and Rarity! Ooh! I hope it's some faraway place that nopony has gone before!
:Rarity: [chuckles nervously] Well, maybe not too far away. An adventure somewhere that has modern conveniences would be preferable. [gasps] Canterlot! This is wonderful! I can check the boutique! Perhaps there'll be some social events that we can attend! [gasps] I'll have to pack extra outfits! What will I wear?!
:Pinkie Pie: Y'know, some ponies get excited about the silliest things.
:
:Rarity: [sighs] Now then, as far as finding a friendship problem, I suggest we start at the castle and begin to question the proper—
:Pinkie Pie: Oh, Rarity, you don't find a friendship problem. It finds you. We just need to go with the flow, and eventually, kablam! We get friendship problem'd right between the eyes.
:Rarity: Well, this is a team effort, so if you feel we should go with the flow, then with the flow we shall go. But where's the flow saying we should go?
:Pinkie Pie: You know Canterlot. What do you think we should do?
:Rarity: Hm. Take your pick. Culture, couture, cuisine!
:[stomach rumbling]
:Rarity: Oh, my. Well, it sounds like your stomach is saying we should flow towards some lunch? I know just where to go.
:Rarity: Restaurant Row, the absolute best place for fine dining in all of Equestria!
:Pinkie Pie: Ooh, so many choices! Where should we go? This one? That one? Those ones?
:Rarity: Any establishments that have this – the three-hoof rating.
:Pinkie Pie: Um, whose hooves?
:Rarity: Why, Zesty Gourmand, the Queen of Cuisine. When it comes to food, she is the ultimate authority in Canterlot and thus all Equestria. She judges a restaurant on cuisine, decor, and presentation. Without her approval, a restaurant simply cannot survive.
:Pinkie Pie: What's so important about her approval?
:Rarity: Zesty grew up around fine dining, and everypony hangs on her every word when it comes to cuisine.
:Pinkie Pie: Wow! Then the food here must be amazing! Lead the way, partner! Whee! [giggles]
:Rarity: [gasps] Oh, my! Such presentation. Mm. Oh. [smacks lips] Ah. Yes. Very nice...
:[ploink!]
:Pinkie Pie: Nom nom nom. [gulps, gags] Maybe, I'm not in the mood for... [whispers] whatever this is. Can we try someplace else?
:Pinkie Pie: Nom nom. Ugh. Maybe one more stop?
:Pinkie Pie: Blech! Nope.
:Pinkie Pie: Maybe instead of trusting somepony else's hooves, I should pick the next place?
:Rarity: Ugh! Very well.
:Pinkie Pie: [sniffing, gasps]
:Rarity: The Tasty Treat. It's very... rustic. [whispers] It looks like it hasn't even been rated.
:Pinkie Pie: Thank goodness! Hee-hee!
:[door closes]
:[Middle Eastern music plays]
:Rarity: Are we sure they're open?
:Pinkie Pie: [sniffs deeply] Mmmm. It smells open.
:[clattering]
:Saffron Masala: Oh! Are you here for lunch?
:Pinkie Pie: Yes, indeedy!
:Saffron Masala: I'm Saffron Masala, the chef here at The Tasty Treat, the most exotic cuisine in Canterlot. Would you like to hear about the specials?
:Rarity: We're actually in a bit of a hur—
:Pinkie Pie: Yes, please!
:Saffron Masala: We have a curried oat cake.
:Pinkie Pie: We'll take one!
:Saffron Masala: Uh, and a grass sandwich that has been marinated overnight in a mustard Dijon dressing.
:Pinkie Pie: How can you say no to that?
:Saffron Masala: A-And for you?
:Rarity: Oh, me? Oh, I'm fine. Thank you. [aside, singsong, to Pinkie] No rating.
:Pinkie Pie: [sighs]
:Coriander Cumin: [sighs, grumbling in Hindi]
:Pinkie Pie: Hiya! What's your name?
:Coriander Cumin: Coriander Cumin.
:Pinkie Pie: Are you a chef here too?
:Coriander Cumin: My daughter cooks. I host.
:Pinkie Pie: Then why are you stacking chairs?
:Coriander Cumin: Without customers, I have nopony to host for. So I stack!
:Saffron Masala: Father, stop it! Don't close up the restaurant around our guests.
:Coriander Cumin: What does it matter?! When they leave, nopony else will be coming in!
:Saffron Masala: Well, your attitude isn't going to bring anyone in! Can't you at least pretend to be positive?!
:Pinkie Pie: [slurps] So good!
:Coriander Cumin: You are doing enough pretending for the both of us. Nopony here wants to try anything new! I know when to throw in the towel!
:Rarity: Um, Pinkie, perhaps we should excuse ourselves.
:Pinkie Pie: [muffled speaking] Oh, Rarity, try this!
:Rarity: [munches] Ooh!
:Saffron Masala: Maybe if you would listen to my ideas for once...
:Coriander Cumin: Oh, yes! I did not move halfway across Equestria for my daughter that I never listen to!
:Pinkie Pie: [spits] Rarity, I think that friendship problem just kablammed us right between the eyes!
:Rarity: These two? Oh, I don't know, darling. The food is excellent, but I'm not sure there's much you and I can do to help them.
:Coriander Cumin: [scoffs] What would you have me do? We can't even get Zesty Gourmand to come to our restaurant. She took one look at how empty it was and said it wasn't even worth rating!
:Rarity: That's it!
:Pinkie Pie: Yes! Uh, what's it?
:Rarity: The flow has led us here! This is our mission! [to Saffron and Coriander] We are going to get you a three-hoof rating and save your restaurant! I can get Zesty Gourmand here!
:Pinkie Pie: [gasps] And I can pack this place with ponies!
:Coriander Cumin: Hmph. And how do you intend to do such a thing?
:Pinkie Pie and Rarity: Just leave it to us!
:Saffron Masala: Father, will you please stop packing things?!
:Coriander Cumin: When the lovely pony comes back and says she couldn't convince Zesty Gourmand to come visit us, we will need to pack all this up. I am just getting a head start.
:Pinkie Pie: You really don't know Rarity.
:Rarity: [singsong] I've done it!
:Pinkie Pie: See?
:Rarity: It took all of my charm and cajoling, but I was able to convince Zesty Gourmand to come and try the food!
:Coriander Cumin: What is the catch?
:Rarity: Ah, yes. Well, um, there is a bit of a challenge. The only time she could make herself available is tonight.
:Coriander Cumin: Pfft. Oh, yeah, right.
:Saffron Masala: What is it?
:Rarity: Zesty rates a restaurant on cuisine, decor, and presentation, and she has very specific tastes. If she's coming tonight, there is quite a bit of work that needs to get done.
:Pinkie Pie: Like what?
:Rarity: Oh, a tweak here, a tuck there, some slight modifications to the menu. [laughs nervously] We just need the place to feel more cosmopolitan.
:Coriander Cumin: Pfft.
:Saffron Masala: Father, after Rarity went to all of this trouble for us, can't we at least try?
:Rarity: Why don't I stay behind with Coriander to get the restaurant ready for Zesty's arrival? You and Saffron can try and drum up some business.
:Pinkie Pie: One packed restaurant, coming right up!
:Rarity: Coriander, I understand your trepidation. But I promise you, we will get those hooves by making this place feel just like all of the other restaurants on Restaurant Row!
:[door shuts]
:Saffron Masala: [sighs] I hope my father doesn't drive Rarity crazy.
:Pinkie Pie: It'll be fine. Rarity's gonna make sure that The Tasty Treat is the most unique and beautiful restaurant in Canterlot! Not like all of those stuffy places on Restaurant Row.
:Saffron Masala: [gasps] The day is almost over, and we haven't found any ponies! What will we do?
:Pinkie Pie: Try harder! Fillies and gentlecolts! Check out the super stupendous and amazing cuisine of The Tasty Treat! Grand re-opening tonight!
:"Citrus Blush": How many hooves does it have?
:Saffron Masala: No hooves yet, but hopefully soon!
:"Cayenne": Well, when it gets rated, let us know.
:Pinkie Pie: Rrrgh! Stupid hooves!
:[paper flapping]
:[thunk]
:Chargrill Breadwinner: Oh, look at this, hun!
:Orange Slice: Oh, The Tasty Treat! Do you think that's a restaurant, sugar?
:Pinkie Pie: Yes! Yes, it is!
:Chargrill Breadwinner: We came to Canterlot from Whinnyapolis to be adventurous. But so far, the food in all these hoity-toity places tastes like somepony cooked up nothin' with a side o' nothin'.
:Saffron Masala: Well, please, come try the Tasty Treat. I think it's going to be exactly what you're looking for.
:[spraying]
:Rarity: [sighs] This is going to be exactly what Zesty is looking for!
:[door opens]
:Saffron Masala: Father, we're ba— [gasps]
:Pinkie Pie: Rarity, what did you do?
:Coriander Cumin: [unenthusiastic] Welcome to The Tasty Treat. You can eat here if you want. Or not. Who cares?
:Rarity: I know. Isn't it perfect? Zesty is sure to love it.
:Pinkie Pie: I thought we were trying to make this the most unique and beautiful restaurant in Canterlot! Not make it exactly like every other restaurant!
:Rarity: [short laugh] We want to help our friends by getting them three hooves. That will only happen if this is like every other restaurant.
:Saffron Masala: Father, what is this?!
:Pinkie Pie: Not that! Anything but that!
:Coriander Cumin: This is what we must cook if we want to succeed here!
:Saffron Masala: This isn't what I wanted! I wanted Canterlot to like us for us!
:Pinkie Pie: Rarity, how could you ruin the restaurant?!
:Rarity: Oh, pff. Kch. Ts! We helped save the restaurant. Now, where are the other guests? How many other ponies are coming?
:Pinkie Pie and Saffron Masala: Two.
:Rarity: Just two?! I thought you said you could pack the place with ponies no matter what!
:Pinkie Pie: You said you would make the restaurant better...
:Rarity: [gasps]
:Pinkie Pie: ...so I guess we both didn't know what we were talking about!
:[knocking]
:Rarity: [gasps] Zesty Gourmand! Everypony, places!
:[door opens]
:Rarity: [gulps]
:Coriander Cumin: [unenthusiastic] Welcome to The Tasty Treat. What can I get you this evening?
:Zesty Gourmand: I hardly think it matters, but by all means, try your best to impress.
:Orange Slice: Well, we'll both try the special this evening. Maybe with a little kick to it, eh? Yeah, we've been craving some food with actual taste.
:Coriander Cumin: Saffron Masala, what are you doing?!
:Saffron Masala: I'm trying to save our reputations! [sips] I've given it at least a little bit of flavor.
:Rarity: No-no-n-n-no, but that's not what Zesty wants!
:Pinkie Pie: What kind of food expert doesn't want flavor?! That's insane!
:[pouring]
:Pinkie Pie: I'm taking this out there!
:Rarity: No! Zesty will hate it! You are going to ruin this for them!
:Pinkie Pie: No, I'm trying to fix it after you ruined it!
:[thunk]
:Pinkie Pie and Rarity: Noooooo!
:[splat]
:Zesty Gourmand: I think we are done here.
:Rarity: Zesty! Please wait! Allow me to explain!
:Zesty Gourmand: Rarity, when it comes to fashion, you are adequate. But take some advice from a friend – keep your opinions out of restaurants. Substandard food, laughable service, and I would think even you could recognize that the decor here is trying desperately while desperately failing. Recommending a disreputable place such as this could do serious damage to your social standing.
:Pinkie Pie: Disreputable?! You mean a place with food that actually tastes good?
:Zesty Gourmand: Anypony can throw ingredients together and create an obvious taste that uncultured ponies like those two can register.
:Chargrill Breadwinner: Hey!
:Zesty Gourmand: But it takes a true culinary artist to create a subtle taste, the barest hint of a sensation. That's what I bring to Canterlot. That's art.
:[door closes]
:Pinkie Pie: I'm so embarrassed.
:Rarity: I don't know that there are words to adequately express how truly sorry we are.
:Coriander Cumin: The worst has happened. No use crying over spilt food now.
:Saffron Masala: Here. This always cheered me up when I was younger.
:Coriander Cumin: [gasps] My spicy flat-noodle soup!
:Pinkie Pie, Rarity, and Coriander Cumin: [sipping]
:Rarity: Oh, my! This is truly delightful!
:Pinkie Pie: Mmm, this is the best thing you've made so far! And I thought the food before was the best!
:Saffron Masala: That's all I've ever wanted to do, father! Make food for the ponies of Canterlot like the food we made together when I was younger!
:Coriander Cumin: It has been so long since we cooked together. Heh. Remember how you used to hide the ingredients you did not like?
:Coriander Cumin and Saffron Masala: [laughing]
:Rarity: You know what? Who cares what some stuffy unicorn thinks of the food here? It's exquisite.
:Pinkie Pie: That's true.
:Rarity: And you don't need three silly hooves in your window to prove it.
:Pinkie Pie: That's double true!
:Rarity: You just need ponies in here to give it a chance! Ponies that will tell everypony else in Canterlot that The Tasty Treat has the best food in the city!
:Pinkie Pie: That's true times three!
:Saffron Masala: But without Zesty's approval, nopony will even try our food!
:Rarity: Ohhhh, yes, they will. Pinkie, we are the perfect team for this! We were just doing the wrong jobs! I will go out and bring the crowd! You stay here and make sure this place is every bit as unique and rustic as it was the moment we walked in!
:Coriander Cumin: And? What about us?
:Rarity: You two? You are going to cook! Make whatever you want, and make a lot of it! I intend to bring a crowd!
:[instrumental of "It's Gonna Work" plays]
:Rarity: Would the owner of one of the premier boutiques in Canterlot put a stamp of approval on something that wasn't fabulous?
:Rarity: It's almost time! Is everypony ready for the grand re-re-opening?
:Saffron Masala: Before we open, my father and I just wanted to say... Thank you for all of your help. We've both been so stressed about the restaurant succeeding that we forgot what it was we loved about it in the first place.
:Coriander Cumin: Cooking is something we used to love to do together. No matter what happens next, thank you for reminding us of that.
:Pinkie Pie: Oh, you guys! Group hug!
:Pinkie Pie and Coriander Cumin: [laughing]
:Pinkie Pie: Now come on! We've got a party to throw!
:[door opens]
:[ponies chattering]
:Coriander Cumin: Welcome to The Tasty Treat! Make yourselves comfortable!
:[muffled chattering]
:Saffron Masala: Please, feel free to sample the food!
:[door opens]
:Zesty Gourmand: What's this?! What is everypony doing here?! This place has no hooves! It is not in keeping with the level of cuisine that I have set for Canterlot! Nopony told you this place was acceptable!
:"Sweet Biscuit": Uh, Rarity and her friend said it was good? They told us!
:Zesty Gourmand: They told you? And who are they to tell you anything? Rarity can tell you what hats to wear with which skirts. Her friend can tell you how to maintain a tragic look for a frizzy mane. They can't tell you what food you can eat!
:Rarity: No, we can't, and neither can you! Nopony has the right to tell these ponies what to think! Zesty, you have very... specific...
:Pinkie Pie: And very strange!
:Rarity: Yes, and very strange opinions about food, and that's your right. But just because you like your food a certain way, there is no reason to tell these ponies that they need to do the same!
:Burly Unicorn: Rarity is right! I for one think the food here is delicious! I own The Smoked Oat on Restaurant Row; I hate the food we make! From now on, it's all smoked, basted, and grilled!
:Matronly Pony: This food is an inspiration! I own The Bake Stop. I'm going to bake my mother's bundt cake the way she made it – full of flavor!
:[crowd chattering and agreeing]
:Rarity: Zesty, are you sure you wouldn't like to try the food? Ignoring a unique and fresh establishment such as this could do serious damage to your social standing.
:Zesty Gourmand: Hmph!
:[door slams]
:[beat]
:[crowd cheers]
:Saffron Masala: Thank you so much!
:Coriander Cumin: You are both truly amazing.
:[cutie marks ringing]
:Pinkie Pie: Nothing can stop the dynamic duo of Pinkie and Rarity!
:[crowd chattering]
:[credits]