Crushed Timeline/transcript

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Next Episode: Spy Heroes
== Transcript ==
Episode Aired: March 8, 2003
Episode Copyrighted: 2003
This episode is rated TV-Y7, this is a 8 minute episode.
Scene starts off in present-day Bikini Bottom.
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm glad we got rid of someone whose name should not be mentioned in here.
Patrick Star: Well that's a weird name. I think Lisa and Darcy are coming here.
Squidward Tentacles: How did you ever join the IJLSA?
Patrick Star: Well, that depends, how many years has it been since I joined?
Squidward Tentacles: *walks away* You never should have been in the IJLSA.
Patrick Star: *puts head down in sadness*
Suddenly, Lisa and her friend Darcy walk outside.
Lisa Loud: And that, Darcy, is how nuclear power works.
Darcy Helmandollar: Wow, I wish I was as smart as you.
Lisa Loud: I do as well, it would be nice to have someone to do science with.
Darcy Helmandollar: Well, there are other fun things we could do together.
Lisa Loud: Such as?
Darcy Helmandollar: How about a game of tag?
Lisa Loud: I'm afraid I am unfamiliar with this game. Would you please elaborate on the nature of this activity?
Darcy Helmandollar: Huh?
Lisa Loud: Tell me how to play.
Darcy Helmandollar: It's easy. I chase after you and try to tag you, then when I tag you, you do the same to me.
Lisa Loud: Hmm, seems fairly simple. Very well, let the game begin.
Lisa Loud and Darcy Helmandollar: *begins playing tag*
After going back and forth for a few minutes, they run across the driveway. As they're running, Darcy falls and scrapes her knee.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *sees Darcy* Darcy, is that you?
Lincoln Loud: *hears Darcy crying and runs over to her* What happened?
Darcy Helmandollar: Lisa and I were playing tag and I fell and hurt my knee.
Lincoln Loud: Don't worry, I'll fix it.
SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: *picks Darcy up and carries her inside*
They put her on the couch, run upstairs, and come back down wearing a fanny pack.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Okay Darcy, I'll have that scrape taken care of in no time.
He takes a bandage out of the pack and puts it on her knee.
Darcy Helmandollar: Thanks for taking care of me, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Don't mention it. It pays to have some skill in first aid.
Lincoln Loud: But just in case the bandage isn't enough, here's a cookie to make you feel better. *takes a cookie out of his pack and hands it to Darcy*
She takes the cookie and eats it. He then goes back outside. As they leave the room, Darcy stares at them with a lovestruck expression on her face.
Slide transition cuts to U.L.T.R.A. E.V.I.L. base; Plankton is looking through a telescope into the IJLSA base.
Lord Master Lox: Well well well, Lisa and Darcy. Plankton?
Plankton: That is a very good question, starfish. It has been quite some years I have been watching your every move through my telescope, but exactly how many years has it been exactly? *thinks*
Karen Plankton: How exactly are you going to find that out?
Plankton: Someone of your software grading may not know the answer to that, Karen, my computer wife, but I am the evil genius here. *rubs dust off of lens of telescope* It has been… *rubs fingers together* ...five years.
Lord Master Lox: Five years? Gotta be longer than that.
Karen Plankton: *scoffs* Men. Five years.
Pearl Master Lox: *aloud* How exactly are you two going to go back five years?
Plankton: Karen, are you sure that you are on it today? You are a computer after all. *pulls sheet off of machine* Karen, Meet the time machine.
Karen Plankton: *sarcastically* Of course, a time machine. How could I have possibly not thought of that?
Plankton: You know, five years ago, I did not have to beg for you to be accepted into U.L.T.R.A. E.V.I.L. I could change that in a split second.
Karen Plankton: *threateningly* You better not, or you'll soon regret it. *extracts laser from monitor head*
Plankton: So...uh… *presses button on machine quickly, sending me away with a flash*
Time card reading "Five Years Earlier". Narrator is unspoken. It cuts to Squidward's mailbox, five years ago.
Plankton: It's Squidward's backyard... *pulls telescope out of pocket, looking at its clean lens* ...five years ago. *looks up at the approaching Squidward* Please don't step on me! *flinches yet looks up*
Squidward Tentacles: *opens mailbox* What's in here? *takes out mail* Bills, bills, Fancy Digest, acceptance into the International League of Super Acquaintances, more bills...Wait a minute! Acceptance into the IJLSA, the most prestigious and heroic assembly in the ocean?! This will complete my collection of being in every town in Bikini Bottom.
Lord Master Lox: Uhh...
Plankton: *scoffs* What a snob.
Squidward Tentacles: *reads letter* You, Squidward Quincy Tentacles, have just been accepted into the IJLSA. For directions to the base, please continue reading. *teleports to IJLSA base*
Plankton: Why do I have to do everything?
Lord Master Lox: I got it. *presses teleportation button on time machine*
Slide transition to the present, Lisa and Darcy are in class, Darcy is drawing a picture and Lisa is writing an equation.
Ms. Shrinivas: Oh, very good Lisa. What is it?
Lisa Loud: It is a complex algorithm that I believe may allow for instantaneous transport of matter.
Ms. Shrinivas: Okay, I'm sure your parents will be happy to see this.
Ms. Shrinivas then notices Darcy's drawing. The drawing shows Darcy, SpongeBob and Lincoln holding hands inside a large heart surrounded by smaller hearts.
Ms. Shrinivas: This is a very nice drawing Darcy, but who is this with you?
Darcy Helmandollar: That's Lisa's brother and her brother's best friend, SpongeBob.
Ms. Shrinivas: Why did you draw Lisa's brother and her brother's best friend?
Darcy Helmandollar: Because I'm in love with them.
All of Lisa and Darcy's classmates begin laughing at her after hearing Darcy say she's in love with SpongeBob and Lincoln.
Darcy Helmandollar: *begins blushing and has tears in my eyes*
Ms. Shrinivas: Children, stop laughing at Darcy. There's nothing wrong with being in love. So, when did you fall in love with Lisa's brother and her brother's best friend?
Darcy Helmandollar: Yesterday. I was at Lisa's house and we were playing tag. I fell and hurt my knee, so they took care of it and gave me a cookie.
Ms. Shrinivas: Have you told them you love them yet?
Darcy Helmandollar: Not yet. I want to, but I'm too shy to tell them. Lisa, can you tell them for me?
Lisa Loud: How exactly would I do that?
Darcy Helmandollar: I know, you can give them my drawing.
Lisa Loud: Very well then.
Slide transition cuts to IJLSA base.
Squidward Tentacles: Where am I? Hello, is anybody here? *pushes into seat and is blindfolded* Hey, what's going on? Am I being scammed again?
Roblox: Well, this is kind of a secret base. We cannot let you see it until you are real members of the IJLSA.
Patrick Star: What's the IJLSA? Is that a restaurant?
Squidward Tentacles: What are you doing here, knitwit?
Patrick Star: I don't really know. I was just walking around town, came across a cave, and saw the letters: I, B, T, J, and K, and I ran inside.
Squidward Tentacles: Patrick, I'm pretty sure that sign said "IJLSA".
Patrick Star: Oh, then you might now want to condemn my house for a couple of weeks.
Lisa Loud: You mean, your house?
Lincoln Loud: Huh?
SpongeBob SquarePants: What happened to your house?
Darcy Helmandollar: Hey SpongeBob. Look what I drew?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Aw, Darcy. This is a great drawing.
Chief: Quiet, all of you! Now, this is your initiation ceremony. It will test your skills to see if you are worthy enough to become members of the elite IJLSA. You may take off your blindfolds now.
Patrick Star: Blindfolds? Is that a hamburger?
Leni Loud: Cheeseburger?
Patrick Star: I want to see it. *takes off blindfold*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah, you're good, Patrick.
Lisa Loud: Thank you, Patrick.
Patrick Star: No problem.
Sandy Cheeks: Chief, I have a few questions about the IJLSA. Exactly what does IJLSA stand for?
Chief: Do you want the 1970's meaning of IJLSA or the current meaning of the IJLSA?
Plankton: This ceremony cannot end anytime soon.
Lord Master Lox: Maybe I can just speed up time a little bit. *presses button on machine, causing it to explode*
Slide transition cuts to the Louds' living room.
Lisa Loud: SpongeBob, Lincoln, my friend Darcy wishes for me to deliver this to you. *reaches into my backpack and takes out the drawing*
The other heroes also see the drawing.
Lori Loud: Is that SpongeBob, Lincoln and Darcy holding hands?
Lisa Loud: Affirmative.
Lori Loud: That is literally the most adorable thing I have ever seen.
Squidward Tentacles: Me too.
Lynn Loud Jr.: Sounds like Lincoln's got a new girlfriend.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Ronnie Anne?
The heroes all laugh at Lincoln except SpongeBob, Patrick, Leni and Lisa, who's blushing and sweating.
Lincoln Loud: She's not my girlfriend, she's just a little kid who needed my help.
Leni Loud: Lincoln's right. She's not his girlfriend.
SpongeBob SquarePants and Patrick Star: Yeah!
Suddenly, the doorbell rings.
Lincoln Loud: *goes to the door and opens it*
He sees that it's Darcy holding a heart-shaped cookie.
Darcy Helmandollar: Hi Lincoln. I was just thinking about how you gave me a cookie after you fixed my knee, so I made you a cookie too. So, did you like the drawing?
Lincoln Loud: *takes the cookie* It was a very nice drawing. But, there's something I need to tell you. I get that you like me...
Darcy Helmandollar: I don't hate you, I love you.
Lincoln Loud: *blushes* Right. Anyway, I'm sorry, but I just don't...
Darcy Helmandollar: *tearfully* You don't what?
Lincoln Loud: Um, never mind.
Darcy then hugs Lincoln.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey Darcy.
Darcy Helmandollar: Hey SpongeBob.
SpongeBob SquarePants: I want cookies please.
Darcy Helmandollar: Sure, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *takes the cookie* Thank you, Darcy.
Darcy Helmandollar: You're so welcome.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Lincoln, you and I are going to Elementary School.
Darcy Helmandollar: *excited* Okay!
SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: *walks with Darcy*
Slide transition cuts to the next day. SpongeBob and Lincoln are in the school cafeteria eating lunch when Darcy walks up to him.
Darcy Helmandollar: Hi SpongeBob! Hi Lincoln!
SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: Uh, hi Darcy.
Darcy Helmandollar: I was just wondering if I could sit next to you during lunch.
Lincoln Loud: I'm sorry, there aren't any seats next to me.
Darcy Helmandollar: *sees that Liam is on one side of him and Girl Jordan is on the other side*
She then walks up to Girl Jordan.
Darcy Helmandollar: Excuse me, do you mind moving over? I want to sit between SpongeBob and Lincoln, because they're my boyfriends.
Everyone starts laughing at Lincoln.
Girl Jordan: No, I don't mind. Enjoy your lunch, and your boyfriend.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Stop. I want to stay with Lincoln and Darcy because she's my girlfriend and he's my best friend.
Girl Jordan: Ugh. *leaves*
Darcy Helmandollar: *sits between SpongeBob and Lincoln and hugs them, causing them to blush*
Slide transition cuts to Patrick, lying on the floor on the top of a building.
Patrick Star: Where am I? Am I on the top of a hotel where they serve motorcycles for breakfast, because if I am, I might want to say "hi" to my uncle William.
Computer: *light shines in front of Patrick's face* Who are you? State your business and place of residence.
Patrick Star: My name is...uh...Patrick. And I...*looks around unfamilar town*...don't know where I live.
Computer: Take him to the regressive tendencies house. We have a few questions for him. *takes out silver handcuffs*
Patrick Star: I don't know what regress...whatever you said means. But I sure don't think that it means motorcycle pancakes. *arms stretch out and grab two men; slams them together* How did I do that? *looks at suit on self* I'm the...Elastic Waistband, the superhero from issue ninety seven of the IJLSA?! Best...day...ever!
Male Fish 1: Hey, sir! Master Lox and King Plankton banned happiness years ago! Remember your manners!
Patrick Star: I'm sorry. I'm just so happy, I don't know what to do with myself.
Male Fish 1: I said remember your manners!
Patrick Star: What manners? I'm so happy I can't remember what those are.
Male Fish 1: That's it! I'm reporting you to Master Lox and King Plankton!
Patrick Star: Master Lox and King Plankton? Never heard of him. He sounds like a happy guy, like me right now.
Male Fish 1: *runs away, angrily*
Patrick Star: I'm confused. Why was he so mad? Why am I owning this building? Why am I wearing this suit? I'm so confused. *grabs by an unknown figure* Hey guys, what's the big idea?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Like you don't know, happy man?
SpongeBob SquarePants, Lincoln Loud and Darcy Helmandollar: *throws Patrick into chimney of building*
Lincoln Loud: I hope you will learn your lesson to not defy Master Lox and King Plankton after this.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Lincoln Loud and Darcy Helmandollar: *clutches fist and runs toward Patrick*
Patrick Star: What is going on? *stretches arms and throws SpongeBob into the rest of the IJLSA* Who are all of you guys?
Patrick gets grabbed by Sandy, turning visible behind him; handcuffed by Sandy.
Sandy Cheeks: To the prison.
Slide transition cuts to prison with Patrick handcuffed to the wall.
Patrick Star: Can someone please tell me what's going on? Or at least bring me some nachos? Those usually bring my memory back.
SpongeBob SquarePants: You really do ask way too many questions.
Computer: SpongeBob, Lincoln and Darcy, bring the prisoner up here immediately.
Lincoln Loud: Yes, your majesty.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Lincoln Loud and Darcy Helmandollar: *brings Patrick to second level at super speed*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Done, you're kingliness.
Patrick Star: *looks at figure* Who are you? Where am I?
Lord Master Lox: Quiet, prisoner! You have come before me for one specific reason: happiness. I banned that in the summer of '08, but apparently you are new to town. I am Master Lox and we shall rule the world.
King Plankton: I am King Plankton, as you will refer to me from now on. You shall follow the rules of this town or perish at the hands of our minions.
Patrick Star: Yes, King Plankerson. I mean King Planker. No, that's not right. King...
King Plankton: Just forget it!
Lord Master Lox: Yeah, get lost!
King Plankton: Perhaps I shall show you how I became the king of this town, newcomer, with this conveniently made slideshow. *pushes button and monitor displays an explosion*
Patrick Star: That's it? Long show.
King Plankton: *sighs* Don't you get it, numbskull? This is how I became king.
Lord Master Lox: We wiped everyone's memory in the Pacific Ocean through our time machine.
King Plankton: How more obvious could I have been?
Patrick Star: A good way is more obvious.
Lord Master Lox: Smart until the end, huh? Someone, your memory wasn't affected. But it doesn't matter. Soon, you won't be able to remember anything when my minions defeat you.
Sandy Cheeks: Already here, master.
Lord Master Lox: King Plankton, Cease him!
Patrick Star: *stretches arms and grabs key, unlocking my shackles* Let's do this.
Leni Loud: Go Patrick!
Squidward Tentacles: *fires magma at Patrick* Take boiling magma.
Lynn Loud Jr.: *kicks Master Lox*
Patrick Star: Yikes. *grabs metal shield, shielding self from magma* I didn't know that metal shields were magma resistant. Now take this, evil doers. *throws shield like boomerang, whacking the former IJLSA members into cages; catches shield*
King Plankton: I better go while I still can. *begins running but is stopped by Patrick, who throws me into a small cage* You may have defeated me, but the timeline is still wrong, and I'm not telling you where the time machine is. *laughs evilly*
Patrick Star: *throws Master Lox into a big cage* What's a time machine? I might have to sit down for this one. *sits on machine, only for a bright light to occur*
Lord Master Lox: Of course. He sits on the time machine.
Slide transition cuts to Patrick, lying on the IJLSA table.
Patrick Star: I'm sensing a pattern of me waking up on top of things. *looks at surrounding IJLSA* Do you guys know about everything?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Yep. And everything's back to normal. Wait. Now, it's back to normal. We just took Plankton to the Bikini Bottom Jail.
Darcy Helmandollar: I was, but I won't anymore. SpongeBob and Lincoln, I'm sorry. I didn't know you had a girlfriend.
SpongeBob SquarePants: It's okay. Don't worry, I'm sure there's someone out there for you.
Suddenly, Clyde comes through the front door. Lincoln goes downstairs to meet Clyde.
Clyde McBride: Hey Lincoln, the new Ace Savvy video game comes out today. Are you ready to get it?
Lincoln Loud: You bet I am.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Who wants pizza to celebrate?
IJLSA walks out of the door, yet Squidward stops Patrick.
Squidward Tentacles: Patrick, I am sorry for saying that stuff I said to you. I guess I was just in a bad mood. But obviously that stuff was all false, because you saved our skins.
Patrick Star: Thanks, Squiddy. But I still don't get why I wasn't affected by Plankton's time machine.
Squidward Tentacles: I think I know why. It's because you were the very thing that bonded this team together, and with nature knowing that, it knew you had the potential to save us.
Patrick Star: Maybe. Or maybe because I have no brain to control.
Lincoln Loud: Um, Darcy, this is my best friend Clyde.
Darcy Helmandollar: *lovestruck* Hi Clyde.
Lincoln Loud: *to the audience* Well, here we go again.
Screen fades in black and it says "THE END". Episode ends.
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