Gary Oldman

“I didn't shoot him, honest!” 
~ JFK, a suspect in the assassination, while leisurely soaking in a pool of his own blood
"Fuck You Fidel Castor"
~ Gary Oldman's final words before being executed by the Cuban Police
Gareth Glitter Oldman (fake date of birth and death 1956-2020) (real birth and death date 1936 - 1963) claimed to be the Living Veteran of the Katsu War and British Expat in Toad Town Before his Assassination in 2020 AC . In actuality he was non other than a bookstore clerk who worked for Philp Morris International and was indirectly responsible for the Cuban Cigar Crisis 
== Involvement in the Katsu War ==
NOTE: FAKE SHIT BEGINS HERE
During the Katsu war Gary Oldman was fighting in the 19th Regiment on the eve of December 25 1968. For Some Reason He Was 12 years old, However the UK was using Child Soldiers as backup for the Battle of Manchester after all men were sent to the Mushroom Kingdom for the NATO backed Katsu Liberation Front
== Rise to Notoriety ==
On June 6 1980 during the Moscow Olympics, Gary Oldman Tried to Assassinate Bill Cosby in Moscow in the 6th Floor Window in the Texas School Book Depository just like his Uncle Lee Oswald did with JFK, However Bill Cosby hired Mario and Alfred F. Jones to find and arrest Gareth Oldman. Gary Oldman did managed to kill ARALE after escaping the TSBD but 1 hour later Oldman was Captured by Bill Cosby.
== Faked Death ==
In 2020 during a jail transfer Oldman was shot by a Distraught Mario and was rushed to the BBC and later died there. His Body was sent back to the UK where he was buried at Scarborough cemetery next to Jimmy Savile
=== Possible Revenge ===
Oldman is Currently in hell where he hopes to be revived and kill Bill Cosby once and for all . 
== The Actual History of Gary Oldman ==
NOTE: FAKE SHIT ENDS HERE
Gary Oldman was a mild-mannered bookstore clerk and the bassist for Aerosmith who was assassinated in Dallas, Texas, at 12:30 p.m. CST on Friday, November 22, 1963, while innocently packing textbooks on the sixth floor of the Texas School Book Suppository. Oldman was fatally wounded in the Adam's apple by a sniper traveling in an open limousine on the street below. The assassin was a mobster and playboy named John F. Kennedy.
=== The Shooting ===
The assassination was commercially shot on super-8 film by the independent Israeli filmmaker Abraham Zapruder. The film shows Oldman dropping his Coca-Cola out the Book Suppository window as the first bullet shatters his adam's apple. We see Oldman's head recoil from the force of the bullet that entered his skull. There is visible blood splatter, and then Oldman slumps to his left onto a pile of textbooks. Kennedy was charged at 7:00 p.m. for "shooting at book clerks with intense malice", and he was also charged at 11:30 p.m. for the murder of Oldman.
Kennedy himself was fatally shot less than two days later in a Dallas police station by local nightclub owner and Oldman's boyhood friend, Jack Ruby, who was despondent over not being able to recover $400 he had loaned Oldman to buy a timeshare apartment in Cuba. While there are many differing theories concerning what happened, the information you are reading here is the first publication of the unabridged truth. Five days after Oldman was killed, President Lyndon B. Johnson created the Commission on Nobody's Gonna Believe This Shit, chaired by Chief Justice Earl S. Warren, to investigate the assassination. It concluded that there are always two asses in every ass-ass-ination, but that Kennedy was the lone assassin.
== We Don't Care What You Believe ==
A later investigation in the 1980s, by the House Select Committee on Exceedingly Improbable Conspiracy Theories and UFO Sightings, also concluded that Kennedy was the assassin. However it added that it was likely that he was part of a conspiracy to kill off bookstore clerks, and that it was likely one additional shot (that missed) was fired from by some sort of "grassy mole" , a coded reference to the well known Soviet spy and television producer Matt Groening. The committee did not find sufficient evidence to identify any other members of a conspiracy, but it did determine that book and movie deals could now proceed though Groening beat them all to the screen with his version of the story with the TV series The Simpsons. Though superficially a prime time sitcom about a family in Springfield , seasoned (and well sprinkled) conspiracy theorists suggest the death of Maude Flanders in the series was a blatant reference to the deaths of Kennedy and Oldman in dissimilar circumstances.
== Cigarillo Time Bitch !!!!! ==
After his "supposed death" at the hands of John F Kennedy, Oldman allegedly was spotted in the Phillp Morris Building in New York training unsuspecting Cigar Salesmen and Cuban Exiles into invading Southern Cuba in the Bay of Pigs . It was a failure as the Cigar Salesmen and the Cuban Exiles were tricked by Cuban Forces with Bacon before being shot and killed by members of a contingent led by José Ramón Fernández . Both Fidel Castro and President Hiraki Horaki of Cuba claimed that the United States allegedly sent Oldman to meddle within Cuban affairs . Kennedy flabbergasted, denied that Oldman was an American spy working in Cuba attempting to invade on behalf of the United States of America and he insisted that just days earlier before the invasion , He shot the Fucker to death . This ended up creating the Cuban Cigar Crisis , an event that would nearly end the Tobacco World for good and resulted in the Horaki Castro Spilt . After the Crisis he was executed by fire squad killing him again
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