ERB Bruce Lee

ERB Bruce Lee is an abnormally powerful being who can see through tiny barriers like time. He is rumored to have always existed and is speculated to continue always existing. He has the highest vertical ever recorded and it is possible he stopped John Wilkes Booth before he could land a good shot on Abraham Lincoln. Historians think he may have been POTUS at one point.
== Accomplishments ==
ERB Bruce Lee has a number of accomplishments under his black belt. For one, shortly after his rap encounter with Clint Eastwood, it is confirmed he annihilated all traces of Clint Eastwood from known existence. Lee has also been known to visit Heaven on his own accord. He single-handedly caused the extinction of the ferret and beat up the refrigerator man. Lastly, while not confirmed, he claims he has fought Chuck Norris and lived.
== Victims ==
ERB Bruce Lee has had many victims.
* Whole Karate Schools - Defeated.
* Mothafuckas With Claws - Defeated.
* Several unnamed assailants - Defeated, likely killed.
* President James Buchanan - Killed.
* William Shakespeare - Badly beaten, hospitalized for weeks.
* John Wilkes Booth - Thrown out president's booth, broke leg.
* The Baby Shark - Killed and eaten.
* The Good - Beaten.
* The Bad - Beaten.
* Your face - Would have been beaten, but yo mama did it for him.
* This fucking chair - Kicked fairly hard.
== Weapons ==
* The baddest fists of fury that the world ever saw - Extremely powerful melee.
* Fist in yo jaw - Variation of the previous designed specifically for breaking jaws.
* WATTAAAW!!! - Very loud sound, known to cause permanent hearing damage.
* Nunchucks - Powerful melee especially when used by ERB Bruce Lee.
* His slipper shoe - Probably used to kick you in the nuts.
* Two Finger Push-Up - Used as a taunt to infuriate enemies, always works.
* This fucking chair - Destroyed by Clint Eastwood's revolver, kicked by ERB Bruce Lee to hurt Clint Eastwood.
== The Rumor ==
While likely false, we must address it now. A rumor is in circulation that he had possibly hurt Chuck Norris in a one-on-one battle, as he mentioned it during a rap confrontation with Clint Eastwood. What makes this claim odd is that Chuck Norris didn't descend from Heaven to immediately kill him for blasphemy. Perhaps Chuck Norris is good-humored. Some people think, however, that Chuck Norris not obliterating him for blasphemy was Chuck's way of confirming the allegation. Theorists that support this believe that said battle was recorded but lost to time. They call this mystery movie "Return Of The Dragon". Abraham Lincoln later used this to insult Chuck Norris so that he could finally die as he was cursed with immortality.
== The Conference ==
In 1990, Bruce Lee met with Mikhail Gorbachev and Jesus Christ to discuss the trajectory of Earth. They entered the secretive discussion room beneath Area 52 beneath Area 51 beneath Lubbock, Texas. While many have tried to tap in to the conversation for many years, attempts have been unsuccessful. None of them have returned yet, they are all still presumably deep in discussion. On the occasion somebody tries to go inside, they are shot dead by 3 Heavy Tank M6 tanks guarding the entrance to the room. These are believed to be some of the ones that Jesus himself took up to Heaven.
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