Annoying Orange: The Dating Game/Transcript

Announcer: Welcome to The Dating Game! Here's your host, Art Sweetheart.
Art Sweetheart: Hello and welcome to The Dating Game, the show where we play Cupid or we look stupid. (laughter) Let's get right to it and meet our bachelorette. (catcalling) She describes herself as sweet and sassy, say hello to Passion Fruit! So, Passion Fruit, tell us about the men in your life.
Passion: Well, Art, most of the men in my life are really sweet. They can also be really annoying.
Art: So would you say when it come's to meeting Mr. Rightfruit, you can really pick 'em? (laughter)
Passion: Yeah, they're annoying because they say stuff like that. (laughter)
Art: Well, let's see if we can play matchmaker for you, Passion. Say hello to Bachelor #1. (applause)
Nerdy Apple: I'm talking to a girl, huzzah!
Passion: Uh... hi Bachelor #1.
Art: Bachelor #2. (applause)
Pomegranete: Bonjour, Passion. I look forward to getting to know you very well.
Passion: Ooh! I like your accent, Bachelor #2.
Art: And last but not least, Bachelor #3.
Orange: Hey! Hey, Passion Fruit, hey Passion Fruit!
Passion: Wait... that voice sounds familiar.
Art: Oh, I'm sure you're completely mistaken, Passion. What do you say we move on to the first question?
Orange: Ooh! Pick me, pick me!
Passion: Bachelor #1.
Orange: (groans in dissapointment) Come on!
Passion: If we went on our first date, what would we do?
Nerdy Apple: Oh boy, you're so beautiful. Oh no, spritzing, on the lovely. Oh no!
Orange: (laughs) He sounds like a motorboat making a milkshake!
Passion: Did he say motorboat?
Pomegranete: Uh, pardonne-moi, but I believe what Bachelor #1 was trying to say was "A first date with a woman as lovely as you would be the last first date of my life.". (catcalling)
Nerdy Apple: Holy jumping gigawatts! That was smooth!
Passion: Phew! I... well... that's... rather forward.
Pomegranete: But Passion, my philosophy's never looked back, so I can only be forward, yes?
Orange: (laughs) Stupid Apple, Red Onion made Franch toast out of you! (laughs)
Passion: Ok, see, I'm getting that feeling again.
Pomegranete: (chuckles) You'll have to pardon Bachelor #3. It is safe to say we are all intoxicated by your presence.
Nerdy Apple: Zippity-wowwitie-wie!
Passion: (whispers) I think we can forget about Bachelor #1.
Orange: (laughs) Apple's such a mushmouth. (laughs)
Art: Let me remind the bachelors that you are not supposed to reveal the identies of one another.
Orange: I'm not a bachelor, I'm an orange.
Passion: (fake laughter) (sarcasm) Wow, I'm totally shocked.
Art: See, I told you sparks would fly! Ha-ha.
Passion: Can I talk to the super-hot French guy now?
Orange: Super-hot French fry? Be careful, you might burn your tongue! (laughs)
Pomegranete: That is entirely possible.
Orange: Question! Ooh-ooh, question, come on! Question!
Art: Okay, that's not really necessary.
Orange: Come on, nobody's asked me anything.
Passion: (scoffs) Fine, Bachelor #3.
Orange: Yay! I win! Suck it red onion! (laughs)
Pomegranete: I am not an onion, you buffoon.
Passion: If we went on our first date-
Orange: But I don't have a calendar!
Pomegranete; A date, you idiot! Like when two fruits really, really like each other!
Orange: Oh, sorry, that's not gonna happen.
Passion: (record scratches) What?
Orange: Yeah, Iv'e already got someone I really like, totally smart and pretty and purple, and whenever I see her, I fele like I ate a butterfly made out of chocolate, if you know what I mean. (awws)
Passion: I think I do, Bachelor #3. It's on the inside that counts.
Art: Well, since I've completely lost control of the show, let's lower the wall and see if Passion is right.
Pomegranete: She would choose this common piece of rubbish over me? Clearly, I am the superior fruit.
Nerdy Apple: Yowza-doy! It's back to Skyrim for me!
(mechanical wiring short-circuting, splat)
Orange: Woah!
Passion: Oh my God, Orange, are you okay?
Orange: Yeah, poor guy. I think he really had a crush on you. (laughs)
Passion: (groans) Please stop.
Art: Okay, while we're busy contacting our attorneys, you two kids go out there and have a great time on your date!
Orange: Yeah! Come on, Passion. There's room for you, too.
Date: Get him off me, get him off me! (orange laughs)
Orange: Giddyup, Date!
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