2012-12-15 Gucci Little Piggies

It's that time of year again.
The hottest item on the market this year is a brown purse made of some sort of skin or synthetic or some such. To this narrator they all sound and look the same.
But they are definitely not all the same to all these ladies. Women aged 18 to 53 are lined up at opening and when the doors finally creak open there's a mad dash. 341 women have been waiting in line at night but only 57 bags were shipped in the original shipment.
When the dust clears there are a lot of angsty women and it doesn't take long before a fight breaks out.
"Give me that! I was in line first," says Monica Miyamoto, a college student.
"Quiet down, hussy. Possession is 9/10ths," responds Ronda McGee.
Within moments there's a widespread pushing and shoving brawl and the entire floor descends into holiday madness.
Brown purses. Maybe it's because she's not quite 18 yet, or maybe it's because she's a geek, but Marissa is not looking for brown purses. She's not that far away, though, at the edge of the accessory department. As the fight breaks out she does the sensible thing, edging towards an exit. Oh. Hey. A fitting room. Maybe she can hide in there. It even has two exits...
Billy Kaplan could care less about the hot items in womens acceories, and probably could not tell the newest Gucci from a K-Mart special although he wouldn't admit it in this crowd. He is however in the store because he has been saving up and with only one day to spare managed to get ahold of just enough money to purchase a brand new leather breifcase he had is going to give his mother on the last day of Hanukkah. That is if he can get past the wave of excited and easily angered women. Under normal circomstances he might step in and try to mediate a fight starting to break out before it went too far,b tu even Billy knows thatthis time of year that way leads to madness and possible GBH. Now...to just figure a way to stop things from going any more insane that won't blow his secret ID or make it so he can't get that breifcase for his Mom.
Lunair never really wore much of the color brown, let alone now. She is curious, perhaps trying to work on her social skills and mingle with people. She looks more like one's crazy uncle who survived one combat too many for their sanity, her gaze distant. She seems a little uneasy, maybe twitchy. She winces at the brawling for now and tries to keep out of it. What's wrong with a nice black one or this dark purple...? Is this how she should act? Hmm. She looks a bit disappointed, furrowing her eyebrows. "..." She pauses as someone nearly bumps into her, looks alarmed and backs away. While storage space is handy... Her path takes her towards the fitting room. "... huh." Pause. She looks apologetically towards Billy, passing him by. What should she get Domino? Would that be creepy? She stops in her wandering to think.
Today also happens to be the day of the Branson Parade which takes many of the police and diverts them to special event duty. This part of the city is ill prepared to deal with this feminine fury.
The news begins to come in by television and Wally West, twisting a wrench at an auto shop in Harlem, wheels himself out from under a car.
"Hey Jomar, can I take my break early?"
""Don't matter to me," says his boss whose face is buried in a stack of papers and whose back is turned to the television.
"Thanks..." Wally looks down at his ring, and walks out the door and into a back alley.
Above the fray a fixture flings through the air and comes crashing down upon a stack of women. Several are locked in an epic battle of tug of war. Across the line of sight a woman is scraping her fingernails over another's eyelids. Oh the violence!
Suddenly, a whoosh of air introduces a yellow-red streak and Kid Flash appears. Normally it makes for quite an entrance. This time, only a few women notice. He tries to shout above the fray. "Hey! Ladies! It's me! Kid...Hey! Stop! Stop!" He gets shoved in the chest by a woman who was bowled over by a larger one. Hitting the floor he props himself up by his elbows. "Under other circumstances, this would be sort of hot...but...No, not even I can make a joke out of this."
Oh, hey. A superhero. That would be Mend, reemerging from the vague fitting room direction and really hoping she didn't just blow anything. Good job she had her stuff with her. Okay..so. What does she do to break up this brawl. "Hey. You know there *will* be another shipment tomorrow!" And then Flash is in the midst of them...no, wait, it's the younger blur, Kid Flash. And getting pushed at. Okay. Doesn't look like diplomacy is the answer here...
Billy Kaplan spots the fixtures starting to fly through the air and gives up on even trying to stay out of the trouble. Instead he starts chanting to himself, "Stopthefallingfixtures, Stopthefallingfixtures, Stopthefallingfixtures!" His spell should do the trick, or at least keep anyone from getting crushed or hurt too bad by things flung through the air or nocked over. Billy rushes to the nearest fitting room because its the oen spot he can think of that won't have a camera watchign him while he chants a second spell. "Ireallyneedmycostume, Ireallyneedmycostume, Ireallyneedmycostume!"
Lunair is just ... surprised. Everyone gets on her case about violence and then this? Hmm. Her eyebrows are lifted. She's an island of calm, proper insanity amidst the chaos. As much as she's tempted to pull a light saber and wade into the violence, something about this just feels wrong. Is it Mammon's touch, the air licked with foils and tendrils of greed, envy and even lust? The atmosphere rife with vice and scents of retail. "..." She takes a cue from a solid snake and decides to at least try to help out. THe violence is getting absurd even for her tastes and it's really hardly even funny.
"... for a purse? I see. Status... and ... material goods. This is odd." Ponder. She gets thwapped from behind by a laden purse. "Ah, hey! I don't want one!" She holds up her hands, but it is too late. The roiling brawl is upon her. "Ugh, melee combat. How /plebian/." Yick! Regardless, she's going to pull apart two combatants, though that makes her a remarkably large target. Must be non-lethal. Must be non-lethal. "Said ... no killing ... in store ..." She grumbles to herself. O, for a grenade! ... but she's good for now.
A floating fixture stops midair at Billy's beckoning and stays put for a moment before being flung away from danger. The brawl is now getting worse and the screams of fury are being mixed with cries of pain. These ladies are really going at it.
Kid Flash gets to his feet and considers his options. He briefly thinks about creating little wind tornadoes and knocking everyone down, but someone could get hurt by the shelving fixtures and flying hangers. Maybe if he can get on the ceiling and push everyone down. He's not sure, but he's sure this situation is not good. There! He spots something along the far wall and begins to saunter over to it like a teen with a purpose and a swagger.
Out of the fitting rooms comes, no not Superman or Captain America although they might have a better time calming things down through sheer force of personality backed up by near invulnerability, but Wiccan the teenaged spell slinger of the recently formed Young Allies. "Ineedbackup, Ineedbackup, Ineedbackup!" He is chanting as he wades his way through the crowds that are the least dangerous looking. Instead of cops, or other spandex clad heroes, what he gets is...music? Not just any music either, it sounds like Christmas music suddenly floating up out of nowhere complete with woodwinds pianos and a soprano boys choir. As the music starts Wiccan takes a deep breath and then in a clear voice with rather surprisingly good pitch all the while focusing his mind on calm, and peace. If this does not work he is going to look like a total dork, but then again it is the season.
"Silent night! Holy night!
All is calm all is bright
Round yon virgin mother and child
Holy infant so tender and mild
Sleep in heavenly peace!
Sleep in heavenly peace!"
Mend...doesn't have ranged attacks, and this really isn't a situation for a gas grenade. Or maybe it is. Tear gas would tempt her right now. As it is, she starts to wade in...using the techniques Nightwing has taught her to inflict just enough pain to hopefully get people thinking straight, whilst doing no actual damage to the combatants. Oh. Somebody's...trying to calm the crowd. Awesome move. She'll remember to thank him later.
It's a neato trick, for sure. And Wiccan's rues works to perfection. As the music begins to play some women are generally moved by the moment. Others are just confused, but all of the stop fighting. There is a brief moment of peace and harmony.
Unfortunately, Kid Flash does not realize that this is the case. He's still intent on going through with his idea, which is...a slightly less good one.
He continues to saunter, finally reaching the wall. He pulls down on the crimson handle marked "PULL IN CASE OF FIRE" and a moment later the sprinkler system erupts and douses the room in cold water. Everything goes quiet. Satisfied, Kid Flash turns around, takes in the scene, and grimaces as if he just drank a swig of bitter beer. A gaggle of women all glare at him with disdain.
The teen looks around, and shrugs his shoulders helplessly. "This...is not good."
It is pretty impressive. Lunair's never really seen magic. Her eyes blink owlishly. Though, for now, she refrains from raining shrapnel and bullets down on people. She smiles faintly at the music. "... good job." She offers quietly to the singer. But then, she's wet. Not in a fun beach way. More a fire sprinkler way. And who is that fellow in the tights? Her eyebrows lift. She rubs the back of her head. Politely, she offers. "It's cheap beer. Don't feel too bad. But you did fine," She is TRYING to be a more positive influence. But it's hard...
Sprinkler system. Good call. Mend is annoyed she didn't think of that one. She knows she should have. She steps back from the fight as the various women get drenched and then gives a long distance hi five towards the grimacing Kid Flash. At least ONE female thinks he did good. (Shame she's gay).
Wiccan has heard the phrase that Violence Begets Violence, so he is going to try for Peace Begetting Peace. He figured from teh first it was gonna take a seasonal miracle to get things calmed so why not try and manufacture one. While he sings the teenaged hero keeps his eyes open to see if he is having any effect. When his singing starts to work he can only grin. Of course his voice is not the only thing in effect, putting just enough power into the music to turn it into a mystic mood elevator is bound to help. Just think of his words like a magical prozac, but without the side effects. Of course then the fire alarm gets pulled. Wiccan ends up sputtering to a stop as the water cascades down around him and the formerly pacified women. Wiccan jsut blinks at Kid Flash and says to himself, "Oh dude, run now while they are still stunned."
Kid Flash nods nervously to Mend and Lunair and then more profusely at Wiccan. "Good advice, broski. I gotta bolt. Wish me luck..."
The hero bolts just before the angry mob is upon him, hitting the doors and heading out onto the cold street. Surely they wouldn't follow him out there?
But they do. And the chase begins.
Wiccan just winces for [oor Kid Flash, and sighs before trying to use the confusion to slip back into the fitting rooms and change back to himself and maybe pretend to have bolted himself in there for safty till the riot was over. Yeah, that sounds like a plausable excuse. With any luck the present he was planning to buy for the last day of Hanukkah for his Mom won't have water spots or be ruined by the rioting.
Lunair's eyes widen, her eyebrows lifting again. "Yeah... definitely good advice... Lions have -nothing- on these women and he hasn't a car to get into..." She bites her lower lip. For now, then, she'll have to go pick Domino up a present elsewhere.
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