The Hoopla Knights

This is the 42nd episode of Hoopla's Fantastic Beach, and the 3rd episode of season 4.
==Transcript==
(Episode starts with Hoopla and Simon walking down the street)
Hoopla: I was wondering…what’s the difference between you and Doclement? Scientifically speaking. What would make me want to go to you over him? Or him over you?
Simon: Well. from what I’ve seen and read, Doc’s a classic. He’s smarter than I could ever be. He’s also a canine. You should go to him for the crazy science. I, on the other hand, am…let’s say…more modern. Nothing against classic. Doclement may be old, but he sure is lit!
Hoopla: (shudders)
Simon: I’m not too much of a scientist anyway. The only reason I was able to make that ghost invention the other day was because of the alien power source I used. I wouldn’t be able to without it.
Hoopla: Those alien guts are pretty rad. Besides the, y’know, gut part.
Simon: I’m more focused on my charity nowadays. Which, just saying, you should come to one of our meetings. We would really appreciate it.
Hoopla: That’s your job. Knowing me, I’m too reckless to ever be let near any sort of charity. I did try running a charity once, actually.
Simon: Really? How’d it go?
Hoopla: We did one fundraiser and no one did anything ever again. I haven’t had anything to do with charities ever since.
Simon: Eh, you’ll change your mind one day. What was the charity for anyway?
Hoopla: My holiday in Spain.
(Simon stops Hoopla in front of the library)
Simon: We’re here.
Hoopla: Oh, right. What did you wanna show me?
Simon: Prepare yourself. It’s awesome. It will blow your mind even. 
(Simon and Hoopla walk into the library, where in the center are a group of cardboard-armor wearing fish)
Hoopla: Who the hell are these nerds?
Simon: Who else could it be? They're your biggest fans!
Fan 2: We love cardboard! And corn!
Hoopla: I have fans? I mean, obviously I have fans!
Fan 1: Is that who I think it is?
Simon: Sure is. The legendary Hoopla in the flesh.
Hoopla: Well I haven’t really done anything THAT legendary, apart from all those times I saved the world I guess.
Simon: Let out all your Hooplas now, we don't have time for much nonsense today.
(The 3 fans breathe in deeply before yelling "HOOPLA!!!!!!!!" very loudly)
Hoopla: (Stunned, brief pause) Uh… anyway… At least now I know how other people feel. 
Fan 2: It’s our battle cry!
Librarian: Shhh!
Simon: -I met them during my pristine charity meetings.
Hoopla: …Pristine. What charity do you even run?
Fam 3: From what I’ve seen, clearly it’s the charity to keep Gale Doppler in office! Interesting orange guy, I must say.
Hoopla: (sarcastically) Hey, that's pretty based. I don't judge.
Fan 1: We were going to storm the island Capitol on January 6, but… We never found the time.
Hoopla: You really missed out. It was truly an experience.
Fan 1: (Sad sigh) I bet. But, we shouldn’t dwell on it now. We're planning another raid tomorrow anyways. We got our own IEDs! (Faces camera) I am legally obligated to say this is a joke.
Fan 3: "Joke?"
Simon: (Clears throat) So anyways, uh…what were we talking about again?
Fan 2: We’re talking about us. We’re the center of attention! Besides, the one and only almighty Hoopla-
Hoopla: Don't call me that. 
Fan 2: Besides, CrazySponge-
Hoopla: Please, just call me Hoopla. What do you all want from me anyway? Besides being starstruck from my presence.
Fan 1: We’ve been thinking…we want to become your personal bodyguards!
Hoopla: What the- That certainly explains the…cardboard…armor. 
Simon: I thought they were just gay.
Hoopla: Now, now Simon, let’s not jump to conclusions like that. But I don’t need bodyguards! I’m not some kind of damsel in distress who needs saving all the time!
Fan 2: That’s kind of sexist.
Hoopla: I don’t care. 
Fan 3: You can call us…The Hoopla Knights.
Hoopla: I told you, I don’t really need any protecting right now-
Fan 1: We’ll do it completely for free! Actually- we do want to be paid in corn. Corn is everything.
Hoopla: (turning back to Simon) How weirder can this get? Did you really have to bring me here?
Simon: I don’t know, I mean, it could make for some good…promotion?
Hoopla: (sigh) Oh boy. I just love doing for the greater good. Fine, you can be my bodyguards. But only when on camera. Just for the promotion. Not during personal hours.
Fan 1: (saluting) Ready for duty, sir!
(The other two fans salute as well, and Hoopla gets a concerned look in his eyes)
Hoopla: (to Simon) If this ends up badly like most of the things I do, you’re gonna owe me one.
Simon: Understood.
Fan 2: So, uh, when is your next camera appearance?
Simon: We’re all here, aren’t we? No better time like the present.
Hoopla: Well, actually, a better time would be in the far, far future, so I don’t have to deal with this.
(The fans start pulling puppy dog faces, making Hoopla second-guess himself)
Hoopla: (sighs) Fine, I guess we can do it now.
Fan 1: Hooray for gaslighting!
(The fans all high-five each other)
Simon: Okay, I’ll set up a camera so we can start recording.
Fan 3: Now’s the time to introduce ourselves for real!
Hoopla: You kids go crazy, I guess.
Simon: And in 3… 2… 1… recording!
Hoopla: Hello, everyone. I am once again asking for your financial support. It’s me, three-time-in-a-row world saver, Hoopla Oopla-
Fans: AND WE’RE THE HOOPLA KNIGHTS! THE NUMBER ONE (Suddenly whispering) because it’s the only (Shouting again) HOOPLA FAN CLUB! PROUD SPONSORS OF SIMON’S CHARITY!
Librarian: SHHH!
Hoopla: -And those guys too.
Simon: Donate to my charity, and you’ll have a chance at meeting Hoopla and his, uh… world-famous, I think? Hoopla Knights!
Hoopla: Hey, when did I say you could steal my-
Simon: (Whispering to Hoopla) Quiet, you. (Once again shouting) DONATE NOW! (Whispering to everyone) Wave, fellas.
Librarian: SHUT THE HELL UP!
(Everyone waves at the camera, and Simon turns off the camera)
Hoopla: Well… I guess that could definitely have gone worse.
Fan 2: I thought it went fine. 
Simon: I dunno, your acting was a little played out.
Fan 2: Acting? What do you mean, acting?
Hoopla: Fellas, now’s not the time for this. It’s wrapped up now, it’s done. I’m going home.
Fan 3: Can we meet you at-
Hoopla: No. Please, I like my privacy.
(Later that night…)
Hoopla: (in bed) Ahh. This is nice.
(LIGHTNING STRIKE! THE FANS CAN BE SEEN THROUGH THE WINDOW!)
Hoopla: (screams) What the? Huh?!
Fan 1: Oh Neptune, he looks even hotter while he sleeps…I wanna make him Hoopla my name….
Fan 2: Hey, he’s mine!
Fan 3: Oh no you don’t!
(They start fighting)
Hoopla: Guys, stop! Why are you here?
Fan 1: To do our jobs!
Hoopla: I thought we agreed you would only be our bodyguards while on camera.
Fan 2: Exactly, we are on camera!
(Pan out to reveal hundreds of people outside Hoopla’s house)
Hoopla: What on Earth?! What are THEY doing here?!
Fan 3: They’re here for the fireworks!
Hoopla: What.
(The fans set off fireworks, which show Hoopla’s face and the word “HOOPLA”. People cheer)
Hoopla: Where did you get the fireworks?
Fan 1: We stole them from a random guy.
Hoopla: You WHAT?!
Fan 2: It was for the greater good. To light these fireworks in your honor.
Hoopla: I didn’t ask for this.
Fan 3: Now we must protect you from all your crazy fans outside!
Hoopla: Then leave.
Fan 1: Don’t worry, we’ve set up traps so that the other fans won’t get here! We’re great bodyguards.
Hoopla: Traps? What kind?
Fan 2: Oh, you know, like, landmines.
Hoopla: You’ve…..you’ve planted landmines outside of my apartment.
Fan 3: Yes.
Hoopla: You people are insane. I…..where’d you even get landmines?
Fan 1: The black market, of course!
Hoopla: I shoulda known, that fricking Boopla is a pain in the back sometimes…
(Explosions are heard outside)
Hoopla: Uhh, they’re gonna be okay, right?
Fan 2: Every word we say will be used against us in court so we will give no comment.
Hoopla: Please just remove those landmines. Let me sleep.
Fan 1: Whatever you say!
Hoopla: Then can you get out of my life?
Fan 3: Anything besides that. Having you die is not ethical.
(Hoopla sighs, covers his ears with a pillow, and falls asleep. The next day, he gets out of bed and walks outside.)
Hoopla: (nervously looking around) They could be anywhere…
Bystander: (looking at Hoopla with a weird expression) Who could be where?
Hoopla: THEM!!!!
Bystander: Who is "them?"
Hoopla: What business is it of yours anyways?
Bystander: I am here on vacation.
Hoopla: Vacation?! This is my apartment!
Bystander: What? This is a hotel!
Hoopla: Oh right. I converted my hotel room into an apartment. Say, do you know where I can find a better place to live?
(The fans pop out of a trash can)
Fan 1: You can always stay at our place! We all live together. You’d fit right in!
Hoopla: Is that like a…relationship…or…gay-
Fan 1: Yes.
Hoopla: Huh. Simon was right. He really is smart. Anyway, to answer your question- (runs away) STOP FOLLOWING ME!!!
Fans: (running after) But we must protect you! Do you know how hard it is to make cardboard armor?!
Hoopla: GO AWAY!!! 
Fans: You can’t get rid of us!
Hoopla: (turns at a corner, and enters a phone booth) Dammit, think Hoopla, think! How can I get out of this situation….if only they could go after someone else…. I’VE GOT IT! (he calls someone)
(Cut to Alpooh, who is making a sandwich)
Alpooh: Ah, I love sandwiches. They’re so sandwichy. (his phone rings) Huh, I wonder who that could be. (he picks up) Hello?
Hoopla: ALPOOH!!!
Alpooh: (hefty sigh) For god’s sake…what?
Hoopla: There’s…um….uh…..do you want fans?
Alpooh: Fans? Well, I guess it is pretty hot here these days….
Hoopla: No, I mean, like, people! People that like you!
Alpooh: People that like me? They made slavery legal again?
Hoopla: Ha, silly, no one cares if slaves like you! That’s why the one in my basement should shut up sometime.
Alpooh: I… have followers?
Hoopla: Of course you do!
Alpooh: Oh my god… and they don’t even need to be hypnotized! For the record I’m not evil anymore. (grinding his teeth) I’m…not…
Hoopla: Yeeeah. So if you wanna meet them, you should go to the library nearby.
Alpooh: I’m on it! (hangs up)
Hoopla: (peering out of the phone booth) Hey! Hoopla Knights! Meet you at the library!
Fans: OH YEAH! (they dash away)
Hoopla: (relieved) It’s finally over. The nightmares…gone. Thank goodness. Now Simon owes me.
(Cut to later when Hoopla is speaking to Simon on the beach)
Simon: Fine. I’ll give you a cut of my money for this week from the ice cream business.
Hoopla: HOOPLA! How much?
Simon: Let’s say around… five percent.
Hoopla: It’s a done deal. Now then…
(Cut to Hoopla sitting on his bed, awake and struggling to get some sleep)
Hoopla: Finally some peace and quiet around here.
(Hoopla looks around to make sure nobody else is around)
Hoopla: Coast is clear… I guess I can finally sleep now. Man, those guys were annoying. Is that how I am to some people? Why am I questioning this when I should be sleeping? (yawns) Oh well, I’m sure my brain will have it all together in the morning.
(The next morning)
Hoopla: Ah….that was a good night’s sleep. Maybe I should change my behavior, so that it does not annoy others the way the fans annoyed me… (gasps) I gotta talk to Simon.
(Cut to Hoopla meeting up with Simon)
Hoopla: SIMOOOON!
(Simon gets jumpscared)
Simon: Huh?! What? Oh, it’s just you, Hoopla. I got the money here, just wait a sec-
Hoopla: Actually, Simon, I’m here about a worry of mine. After some reflection, I feel like I haven’t been the best of friends to you. Perhaps at times, rather than a reliable source of intimacy and joy, I was nothing more than a nuisance. So, I apologize.
Simon: …I honestly don’t know what I should say here.
Hoopla: Give the cash.
Simon: Alrighty. (gives Hoopla the money he owed him)
Hoopla: Thank you, have a nice day!
(Hoopla walks off)
Hoopla: Ah, it looks like everyone is happy at the end of the day….
(Cut to Alpooh on top of a plane, trying to get away from the fans, on top of a helicopter)
Alpooh: You’ll never get me! Damn you Hoopla! I’ll kill you! I’ll snap your fricking neck!
Hoopla: Bet.
(The episode ends)
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