Mark Zuckerburg

== Transcript ==
So, Mark Zuckerberg is in the news this week because the news is now absolutely complete bullshit and there's nothing really going on in the world to report on, apparently. Anyway, he's in the news because he's made a new life decision. He's decided that he will only eat animals that he himself has personally killed. Now apparently, sites like The Examiner are referring to this as a "controversial decision" because the writers at The Examiner must believe that the animals we eat are generally put to sleep while being hugged, instead of the reality which is a bolt through the neck or a cut throat while they're still alive, and hung upside down and bled out on the killing floor while the heart is still pumping, so the blood is emptied out of them faster. Are people actually this fucking stupid? I'm not really sure what is so "controversial" about what farmers have done for centuries! But lots of people kill and eat animals, there's nothing controversial about it at all. The only difference between them and the rest of us is that we just let someone else do our dirty work. The idea, Mark says, and I hate to side with this little twerp because I know he doesn't give two shits about me, but the idea is to take responsibility for the things he eats, to not just take it for granted like the rest of us do. He says that he was at this pig roast and all his friends were all grossed out by the fact that the thing they were eating still looked like it did when it was alive, which made him think, "Wow, you know my friends are pussies when I'm the one who's not disturbed by this, and I look like I just graduated middle school!" Or something to that effect, I might've paraphrased a little. Anyway, this is the state of the world we live in, folks. I'm not gonna pretend to be Ted Nugent or something here, I'm just a city boy who's never seen an animal killed in my life either, aside from a duck that I hit with my car, but you do realize that, number one, a pork chop or bacon came from a pig, a living, breathing animal that walks around, was bred for food, and ultimately killed so we could sustain our lives, and number two, that raising or killing your own animals is far better than just pillaging the planet to satisfy your own gluttony? Now I don't mean to get all eco-friendly or holier than thou because I'm not out killing my own animals to eat either, and I really couldn't care less about the environment, and I know that Mark Zuckerberg isn't exactly raising his own animals yet -- currently he's just purchasing and killing animals raised by a friend of his who does that sort of thing -- but I certainly salute him for taking his own real life farmville to the next level. As for the rest of you? Stop being a bunch of naive pussies and remember, that steak you're eating had eyes and used to moo.