Subway Chaos

"Subway Chaos" is an episode of Testicular Torsion.
==Transcript==
[Scene: The streets of Bikini Bottom. SpongeBob and Patrick are casually strolling together.]
SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick! Did you know that jellyfish have a lifespan of about a year?
Patrick: No way, SpongeBob! That's like, super short. I wonder how they make the most of their time.
SpongeBob: Well, some say jellyfish are the party animals of the ocean. They throw wild raves under the sea, dancing to pulsating beats and glowing with neon lights.
Patrick: Whoa, dude! That sounds gnarly. I wish we could join them.
[As SpongeBob and Patrick continue their stroll, they suddenly catch a whiff of a peculiar smell coming from a nearby Subway restaurant.]
SpongeBob: Patrick, do you smell that?
Patrick: Yeah, SpongeBob. It smells... interesting. Like a mix of freshly baked bread and mysterious sauces.
SpongeBob: It's the unmistakable "subway smell," Patrick. Some say it's the scent of culinary adventures waiting to be devoured.
Patrick: Oh, I get it! It's like a tantalizing aroma that lures hungry customers into the depths of their sandwich realm.
SpongeBob: Exactly, Patrick! It's a smell that awakens cravings you didn't even know you had. The allure of those footlong delights, piled high with meats, cheeses, and toppings, is simply irresistible.
Patrick: I'm feeling the hunger now, SpongeBob. Let's follow our noses and see what wonders await us inside that Subway restaurant!
[SpongeBob and Patrick enter the Subway, ready to satisfy their appetites and embark on a flavorful journey that would make any sandwich aficionado proud.]
[SpongeBob and Patrick, enthralled by the tantalizing aroma and the promise of sandwich adventures, decide to take their love for Subway to the next level. They set their sights on employment at the restaurant.]
SpongeBob: Patrick, imagine the joy of being able to work at Subway! We'd be surrounded by the heavenly scent of freshly baked bread, crafting delicious masterpieces for hungry customers.
Patrick: Oh, SpongeBob, it would be a dream come true! We could unleash our culinary creativity, layering meats, cheeses, and veggies with reckless abandon. The world would taste our sandwich artistry!
SpongeBob: Absolutely, Patrick! Our sandwiches would be legendary, spoken of in hushed whispers among food enthusiasts. We'd be the masters of the Submarine, reigning supreme as the guardians of flavor.
Patrick: And hey, think of the perks, SpongeBob! Free sandwiches whenever we're feeling peckish. We'd be like culinary superheroes, satisfying hunger one footlong at a time.
[We cut to a new scene where SpongeBob and Patrick have successfully landed jobs at Subway. Patrick, however, is feeling nervous about his new gig, and SpongeBob takes it upon himself to offer some words of reassurance.]
SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick, no need to sweat it! Working at Subway will be a piece of cake... or should I say, a piece of sandwich?
Patrick: But SpongeBob, what if I mess up? What if I accidentally put pickles on someone's sub who specifically asked for no pickles? The world can't handle my pickle mishaps!
SpongeBob: Patrick, my friend, let me tell you about my time at the Krusty Krab. I started as the fry cook, just like you're starting here. I made plenty of mistakes, but I learned from them. And look at me now, flipping Krabby Patties with finesse!
Patrick: You're right, SpongeBob. You've always been the master of flipping things. I guess I just need to channel my inner sandwich artist and trust in my abilities.
SpongeBob: That's the spirit, Patrick! Just remember, each sandwich is a blank canvas waiting for your artistic touch. And even if you accidentally create a monstrosity of mayo and mustard, we can always blame it on artistic experimentation!
Customer: Hi there, I'd like a turkey and Swiss sandwich on wheat bread, please.
[Patrick, caught off guard, is momentarily speechless. His eye starts twitching, and he begins to wink uncontrollably.]
Customer: Uh, buddy, are you okay?
[Patrick, his winking intensifying, suddenly grabs the customer by the chest and lets out a gut-wrenching scream.]
Patrick: THIS ISN'T REAL-LIFE! [malfunctions] ERROR IN SANDWICH PROTOCOL! SYSTEM OVERLOAD! BZZT!
[The customer, understandably alarmed, tries to break free from Patrick's grip.]
Customer: Whoa, whoa! What's happening? Somebody help!
[SpongeBob, rushing to the rescue, attempts to intervene and calm down his malfunctioning friend.]
SpongeBob: Patrick, snap out of it! It's just a sandwich order! Remember the pickles, the mayo, the artistic experimentation! You can do this!
[But Patrick is lost in his breakdown, sparks flying from his head as he continues to malfunction, creating chaos in the Subway restaurant.]
[Patrick's malfunction reaches unprecedented heights. As he continues to malfunction and speak incoherently, he defies gravity and starts crawling up the walls of the Subway restaurant.]
SpongeBob: Patrick, what's happening? This isn't normal!
Patrick: [incoherent babbling] Mumbo jumbo... pickle juice... malfunction overload!
[The customer, shocked and bewildered, watches in horror as Patrick's crawling frenzy reaches its climax. In a moment of misfortune, Patrick's hand accidentally touches a light fixture, causing a surge of electricity.]
[The screen flashes rapidly, mimicking the disarray caused by Patrick's electrocution. Amidst the chaos, Patrick lets out a bone-chilling scream that echoes through the restaurant.]
Patrick: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
[As the electrifying scene unfolds, SpongeBob desperately tries to find a way to rescue his friend from this frenzied state.]
SpongeBob: Hang on, Patrick! I'll save you!
[With unwavering determination, SpongeBob reaches out to grab Patrick, shouting, "Gotcha!" But just as he makes contact, the surge of electricity courses through both of them, causing them to be simultaneously electrocuted.]
[The air crackles with energy as SpongeBob and Patrick's screams intertwine, creating a cacophony of distress and chaos.]
SpongeBob: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
[The scene flickers rapidly, mirroring the intense electrical shock coursing through their bodies.]
[SpongeBob and Patrick, recovering from their electrifying ordeal, lie on the floor in a dazed state, unable to speak. The customer, bewildered by the chaos, watches them with concern.]
Customer: What... just happened? Are you guys alright?
[SpongeBob and Patrick remain silent, their bodies slowly regaining composure.]
[Just then, another employee enters the scene, unaware of the electrifying incident that just unfolded. They approach the customer with a professional demeanor.]
Employee: Good day, sir. How may I assist you today?
[The customer, unfazed by the recent events, calmly repeats his order, echoing his previous request.]
Customer: I'd like a turkey and Swiss sandwich on wheat bread, please.
[The employee nods, seemingly oblivious to the electrifying ordeal that had just taken place moments ago.]
Employee: Certainly, sir. Coming right up!
[We cut to a new scene where SpongeBob and Patrick have recovered from their electrifying mishap. They reflect on the previous customer's bewildered reaction to their chaotic episode.]
SpongeBob: Well, Patrick, that last customer didn't exactly go as planned.
Patrick: Yeah, things got a little... electrifying, didn't they?
[SpongeBob, undeterred by their recent misadventure, musters up optimism for the next customer.]
SpongeBob: But you know what, Patrick? I have a good feeling about the next one. We'll show them what we're made of!
Patrick: You're right, SpongeBob! We've faced worse and come out on top. This time will be different!
[With newfound determination, SpongeBob and Patrick prepare themselves for the next customer, eager to prove that they can overcome their earlier mishaps and provide a memorable and enjoyable experience.]
[A new customer enters the scene, seeking a simple sandwich order.]
Customer: Hi there, I'd like a turkey and ham sandwich, please... with cheese.
Patrick (muttering to himself): With cheese... with cheese...
[The customer exchanges a puzzled glance with SpongeBob, unsure of what to make of Patrick's repetitive behavior.]
[SpongeBob, ever the optimist, steps in to reassure the customer.]
SpongeBob: Don't worry, sir. Patrick is just getting into his sandwich-making groove. He's got this under control!
[The customer, still uncertain, hesitates for a moment before deciding to trust SpongeBob's words.]
Customer: Alright, if you say so. I'll leave it in Patrick's capable hands.
SpongeBob gives a confident nod, signaling that everything will turn out fine.
SpongeBob: You won't be disappointed, I promise! Patrick knows his way around a sandwich. Just sit back and enjoy.
[With renewed faith, the customer observes as Patrick begins assembling the sandwich, his repetitive muttering continuing in the background.]
[Patrick's repetitive muttering persists, but he manages to start making the sandwich without any apparent issues. The customer watches with growing amazement as Patrick's sandwich-making skills shine through.]
Customer: Wow, Patrick, you're doing great! Look at you go!
[Patrick, still lost in his own world, continues his task, seemingly in a state of sandwich-making bliss. However, as he reaches the part where he needs to add the cheese, things take a peculiar turn.]
Patrick: More cheese... more cheese... MORE CHEESE!
[With each passing moment, Patrick's enthusiasm for cheese becomes uncontrollable. He starts piling on an excessive amount of cheese onto the sandwich, transforming it into a towering cheese monstrosity.]
[The customer's initial amazement turns into a mix of shock and amusement as they witness Patrick's cheese frenzy.]
Customer: Uh, Patrick, that's... a lot of cheese. Are you sure?
[SpongeBob, always supportive of his friend, tries to intervene.]
SpongeBob: Patrick, maybe we should dial it back on the cheese a bit. Remember, moderation is key!
[But Patrick, consumed by his cheese obsession, pays no heed to SpongeBob's advice. The sandwich now resembles a cheese mountain, threatening to topple over at any moment.]
[Patrick's obsession with cheese reaches new heights as he continues to repeat "with cheese" to himself, seemingly unable to break free from the mantra. The customer and SpongeBob, alarmed by Patrick's behavior, attempt to reason with him.]
Customer: Patrick, please, stop! We don't need any more cheese!
SpongeBob: Patrick, this has gone too far! Put the cheese down!
[But Patrick, lost in his cheese-induced trance, disregards their pleas. Instead, he takes matters into his own hands, quite literally, as he starts throwing handfuls of cheese at the customer and SpongeBob.]
[Cheese flies through the air, landing with surprising accuracy in their open mouths, much to their astonishment.]
Customer: Mmmph! What are you doing, Patrick? I didn't ask for cheese in this way!
SpongeBob: [muffled] Patrick, this isn't how we handle cheese!
[As the cheese barrage continues, the situation becomes increasingly absurd and comical. The customer and SpongeBob struggle to avoid the onslaught, their expressions a mix of surprise and amusement.]
[Patrick's obsession with cheese reaches a fever pitch as he takes hold of a cheese pump and begins fervently pumping more cheese onto the already overloaded sandwich. Chanting "we need more cheese!" to himself, he seems unstoppable.]
Patrick: We need more cheese! More cheese! MORE CHEESE!
[SpongeBob and the customer, realizing the severity of the situation, shout in desperation, pleading for Patrick to cease his cheese-pumping frenzy.]
SpongeBob: Patrick, stop! It's too much cheese!
Customer: Please, Patrick, think about what you're doing! No more cheese!
[But Patrick remains unfazed, his cheese chant growing louder and more intense. The cheese pump unleashes a torrent of cheese onto the sandwich, creating a mountainous heap that defies all logic.]
[The excess cheese becomes overwhelming, and suddenly, there is an explosion of cheese-induced chaos. The screen is filled with repetitive flashing images, adding to the disorienting spectacle.]
[SpongeBob and the customer scream in shock as the explosion rattles their surroundings.]
SpongeBob: NOOOO! It's too much cheese!
Customer: What's happening?! Make it stop!
[The on-screen repetitive flashing images intensify, contributing to the chaotic and surreal atmosphere of the cheese-induced explosion.]
[The cheese-induced explosion subsides, leaving behind a scene of utter chaos. SpongeBob and the customer find themselves covered from head to toe in cheese, their previously tidy appearances transformed into cheesy messes. As the cheese settles, Patrick, seemingly oblivious to the chaos he caused, extends a hand to offer the sandwich to the customer.]
Patrick: Here's your sandwich, sir. Enjoy!
[The customer, surprisingly unfazed by the cheesy aftermath, takes the sandwich from Patrick's cheese-covered hand. Ignoring the cheese-filled spectacle that just unfolded, he takes a bite and savors the flavors.]
Customer: Mmm, this is delicious! You've truly outdone yourselves with this sandwich.
[SpongeBob and Patrick exchange relieved glances, grateful that the customer is pleased with the end result.]
[The scene transitions to a new setting, where SpongeBob and Patrick reflect on their previous chaotic encounter. SpongeBob, ever the optimist, tries to find solace in the upcoming customer, who appears to be more composed and conventional.]
SpongeBob: Well, Patrick, our last job may not have gone as planned, but look at this next customer. He seems so normal and put-together.
[Patrick, intrigued by the change of pace, joins SpongeBob in observing the customer from afar.]
Patrick: Yeah, he's all dressed up and busy with his watch and newspaper. I wonder what his life is like.
[SpongeBob and Patrick engage in a lighthearted speculation, imagining the customer's possible lifestyle and occupation.]
SpongeBob: Maybe he's a successful businessman, always on the go, with important meetings to attend.
Patrick: Or maybe he's a secret agent, reading classified information in that newspaper while keeping an eye on the time.
SpongeBob: Ooh, or he could be an adventurer, waiting for his next thrilling expedition to begin.
Patrick: Whatever he is, I hope he's ready for the best sandwich of his life!
[SpongeBob and Patrick share a chuckle, energized by the prospect of providing a satisfying experience for their seemingly ordinary yet intriguing customer.]
[The customer enters the restaurant, and Patrick, still immersed in his imaginative musings about the customer's life, continues to ramble on.]
Patrick: I bet he's a world-renowned cheese taster, traveling the globe in search of the finest dairy delights. Or maybe he's a professional tightrope walker, always balancing on the edge of excitement.
[Unbeknownst to Patrick, the customer suddenly surprises everyone by unexpectedly pulling down his pants, causing a shocking scene in the middle of the restaurant. SpongeBob, mortified by the sight, frantically tries to get Patrick's attention.]
SpongeBob: Patrick! Look! Look what he's doing!
[SpongeBob gestures urgently, hoping to divert Patrick's attention from his ongoing monologue. However, Patrick remains oblivious, engrossed in his own world of speculation.]
Patrick: And perhaps he's a renowned underwear model, showcasing the latest fashion trends for... wait, what?
[Patrick finally catches a glimpse of the customer's indecent display and is momentarily stunned into silence. The realization of the situation dawns upon him.]
Patrick: Oh, uh, SpongeBob, why didn't you tell me?
[SpongeBob, still in shock, continues to motion towards the customer, silently urging Patrick to address the situation.]
SpongeBob: Patrick, we need to do something! This is not right!
Patrick: What in the world is he doing? This is beyond strange!
[However, the situation takes an even more revolting turn as the customer, not stopping at pulling down his pants, begins to defecate right there in the middle of the restaurant. SpongeBob and Patrick, shocked and repulsed, find themselves in a bizarre predicament.]
SpongeBob: Oh, Neptune! He's actually... taking a shit! Right here, right now!
[Patrick, unable to contain his observations, provides graphic details about the unsavory act unfolding before their eyes.]
Patrick: Look at that... fecal matter excreting from his rectum, forming an unholy mound of excrement on the floor. It's a sight that defies all norms of decency!
[SpongeBob, his face contorted in disgust, struggles to comprehend the scene unfolding in front of him.]
SpongeBob: I... I can't believe what I'm seeing. The smell... it's overpowering!
[As the customer continues with his unsanitary act, SpongeBob and Patrick find themselves in a state of utter disbelief, commentating on the repulsive details of the situation.]
[The customer, seemingly satisfied with his impromptu act, casually remarks, "Ah, that's better," before nonchalantly walking out of the restaurant, leaving the foul mess on the floor. SpongeBob, aware of the consequences, realizes they must take responsibility for the cleanup to avoid getting fired.]
SpongeBob: Patrick, we have to clean up this mess, or we'll be in serious trouble! Our jobs are on the line!
[Patrick, grumbling to himself, reflects on the chaotic events that have unfolded throughout the day, questioning why they haven't faced consequences for their previous misadventures.]
Patrick: Hmph, they never fire us for all the other crazy stuff we've done today. But now we have to deal with this... literal shit?
[The scene transitions to an exterior shot of the Subway restaurant, obscuring the view of SpongeBob and Patrick as they diligently clean up the repulsive mess left behind. However, we can hear their vivid and graphic descriptions of the scene unfolding inside.]
SpongeBob: Oh, Neptune! The stench is unbearable! I'm using a mop to scoop up chunks of feces, depositing them in a bucket. It's a nauseating task, but we have to restore cleanliness to this establishment.
Patrick: I've got a sponge and a pail of soapy water here. I'm scrubbing the floor vigorously, trying to remove every trace of excrement. It's a sight I never thought I'd witness in my life.
SpongeBob: The texture of the stool is... squishy and unpleasant. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think I just stepped in some of it. Ugh, it's sticking to my shoes!
Patrick: Be grateful it's just your shoes, SpongeBob. I accidentally got some on my hands, and the slimy sensation is hauntingly repugnant. I'm scrubbing furiously to rid myself of this filth.
[As people pass by the restaurant, unaware of SpongeBob and Patrick's presence, we continue to hear their ongoing explicit and graphic descriptions of the repulsive task they're undertaking. Their dialogue becomes increasingly profane as they delve into the grotesque details.]
SpongeBob: This shit is everywhere! I'm scraping it off the walls, trying to suppress the urge to vomit. It's a fucking nightmare!
Patrick: Holy shit, SpongeBob! There's shit in places I didn't even know existed! I'm scrubbing and scrubbing, but it feels like a never-ending torrent of fecal horror!
[Despite the increasing number of disgusted passersby, SpongeBob and Patrick remain oblivious to their presence, completely absorbed in the task at hand.]
[The scene transitions to the last few minutes of SpongeBob and Patrick's shift. Despite the outrageous and chaotic events that have unfolded throughout the day, they take a moment to reflect and acknowledge everything that has happened.]
SpongeBob: Patrick, can you believe what we've been through today? From wild speculations about the customers to the shocking displays of indecency and the unsavory cleanup we just endured...
Patrick: Yeah, it's been one hell of a day, SpongeBob. We've seen things that would make even Squidward blush. But you know what? We somehow made it through.
SpongeBob: That's true, Patrick. We faced absurdity, filth, and challenges that tested our limits. But we stuck together and kept going, no matter how outrageous things got.
Patrick: We may not have handled everything perfectly, but we always find a way to make it through. It's what we do best, buddy.
[SpongeBob and Patrick share a moment of camaraderie, acknowledging their resilience and ability to persevere in the face of absurdity.]
[A customer enters the restaurant, seeking a new order. SpongeBob informs Patrick about the customer's request, and it requires Patrick to utilize a specific kitchen equipment: the blender.]
SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick, we have a new order! The customer wants a refreshing smoothie. Can you handle it?
Patrick: Sure thing, SpongeBob! I'll use the blender to whip up the perfect smoothie. Stand back, culinary genius at work!
[As Patrick begins preparing the smoothie, he accidentally leaves a spatula inside the blender, unbeknownst to him. SpongeBob, with his keen eye for details, notices the oversight.]
SpongeBob: Patrick, wait! There's a spatula still inside the blender. You need to remove it before it causes any issues!
[Patrick, startled and panicked by SpongeBob's observation, lets out a scream of surprise and quickly tries to rectify the situation.]
Patrick: Oh no! How did that happen? I can't believe I forgot! SpongeBob, we need to fix this before it becomes a disaster!
[As Patrick attempts to remove the spatula from the blender, his hand gets stuck, trapping him in a precarious situation. Despite his efforts to free himself, Patrick's struggles only worsen, resulting in his entire body becoming stuck. Frustrated and in distress, he cries out for SpongeBob's assistance.]
Patrick: SpongeBob! Help! I'm stuck!
[Patrick's voice echoes through the restaurant as he desperately calls out for his friend, seeking aid in his predicament.]
[SpongeBob rushes to the scene upon hearing Patrick's distress calls. As he sees his friend stuck in the blender, he immediately springs into action, trying to free him. Patrick's screams of pain fill the air, intensifying the urgency of the situation.]
SpongeBob: Hang on, Patrick! I'll get you out of there!
[SpongeBob uses all his strength and resourcefulness to release Patrick from the blender's grip. With a final concerted effort, he manages to free his friend, who lets out a relieved sigh.]
Patrick: Oh, thank goodness! You saved me, SpongeBob!
[However, their moment of relief is short-lived, as the force of their liberation unexpectedly propels both SpongeBob and Patrick into the nearby deep fryer. Unaware of their new predicament, they continue to sigh in relief, oblivious to their current surroundings.]
SpongeBob: Phew, we made it out, Patrick! That was a close one.
Patrick: Yeah, SpongeBob, we really dodged a bullet there. I thought we were done for!
[Their relief masks the reality of their situation, as they remain ignorant of their accidental plunge into the deep fryer.]
[SpongeBob and Patrick suddenly realize their dire situation as they scream in pain, finally aware of their half-fried lower bodies. The gravity of the situation hits them hard, but their determination remains unwavering as they prioritize fulfilling the customer's order.]
SpongeBob: AAAAAHHH! Patrick, we're fried! Literally!
Patrick: OUCH! I can't feel my lower half, SpongeBob! But we can't let the customer down. We have to finish the order!
[Despite their fried and incapacitated lower bodies, SpongeBob and Patrick muster their willpower, determined to see the customer's request through to the end.]
SpongeBob: You're right, Patrick. We may be partially fried, but our dedication to our jobs is still sizzling! Let's find a way to deliver that order.
Patrick: We'll figure it out, SpongeBob. We'll crawl if we have to. Nothing can stop us from making that customer happy.
[With a mix of pain and determination, SpongeBob and Patrick strategize how to complete the order, even in their compromised state.]
SpongeBob: Alright, Patrick, here's the plan. I'll handle the customer's order. You need to find a safe spot for the spatula. Can you do that?
Patrick: No problem, SpongeBob! Leave it to me.
[Patrick, eager to fulfill his task, locates the microwave as a potential solution for storing the spatula. Without thinking twice, he places the misplaced spatula inside the microwave and, to his unknowing folly, turns it on.]
Patrick: All taken care of, SpongeBob! I've found the perfect spot.
[As the microwave starts buzzing and emitting peculiar noises, SpongeBob's expression turns from hopeful to concerned, realizing that Patrick's decision might have caused unforeseen problems.]
SpongeBob: Patrick, did you put the spatula in the microwave? Oh no, what have you done?
[Patrick, oblivious to the impending disaster, stands proudly beside the microwave, unaware of the chaos that is about to ensue.]
[As the microwave ignites into flames, SpongeBob's quick instincts kick in, and he grabs a nearby bucket of water, urgently shouting to the customers who witnessed the chaos unfold.]
SpongeBob: Fire! Fire! Everyone, there's a fire!
[The customers, startled by SpongeBob's panicked warning, react with a mix of surprise and confusion. Meanwhile, Patrick, noticing the commotion, grabs a nearby fire extinguisher, intending to help extinguish the flames. However, in a classic display of Patrick's cluelessness, he aims the fire extinguisher at the customers instead of the actual fire.]
Patrick: Don't worry, folks! I've got this under control!
[Patrick sprays the customers with the fire extinguisher, dousing them in a cloud of foam, much to their dismay and bewilderment.]
[Amidst the chaos, SpongeBob and Patrick, still burdened with their deep-fried lower bodies from earlier, try to manage the disastrous situation while unintentionally adding to the confusion and mishaps unfolding before them.]
[In a shocking turn of events, the entire restaurant erupts in a massive explosion, propelling SpongeBob and Patrick into the air. As they soar through the sky, seemingly unaffected by the chaos they just experienced, SpongeBob's watch emits a beep, indicating the end of their shift.]
SpongeBob: Well, Patrick, I guess that explosion means our shift is officially over. Time flies when you're having fun!
Patrick: You said it, SpongeBob! I can't wait for our second day of work at the Subway. It's going to be even better than today!
[The two friends, seemingly oblivious to the destruction left behind, walk away from the wreckage with enthusiasm and anticipation for their upcoming workday.]
[The episode concludes with a final shot of the Subway restaurant, where the aftermath of the explosion becomes apparent. Several fire trucks and emergency vehicles rush to the scene, their blaring sirens filling the air.]
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