Back to the POOP!

Back to the POOP! is an episode of SpongeBob SquarePants Fanon from Season 200.
== Synopsis==
SpongeBob and Patrick realize the day Patrick's butt exploded after he didn't wipe it was the day their lives got ruined, so they go back in time to try to prevent the events of that day.
==Characters==
*SpongeBob
*Patrick
*Gary (mentioned)
*Mr. Krabs (mentioned)
*Squidward (mentioned)
*Sandy
*Fred
*Nat Peterson
*Shubie
*Tom
*Harold
*Past Patrick
*Past SpongeBob
*King Neptune
==Transcript==
[The episode starts with two hooded figures walking]
Hooded figure 1: There it is! [points to a house]
[The two go behind the house, and take their hoodies off, revealing that they are SpongeBob and Patrick]
Patrick: SpongeBob, I'm getting really sick of spying people everyday.
SpongeBob: Well Patrick, what else can we do? We both live in a dumpster without jobs, and we have no friends other than each other. Boy, how I miss Gary......we can't just play with trash all day.
Patrick: I wish my butt never exploded. It was totally unfair for us to become social rejects after that! I mean, it might have caused a bit of destruction.....
SpongeBob: Two people died.
Patrick: ........but it wasn't that bad!
SpongeBob: Nine were left severely injured.
Patrick: Even our most loyal friends abandoned us! You got expelled from boating school and fired by Mr. Krabs, Squidward moved out, Sandy doesn't talk to us anymore, even Gary left us! And then we ended up living in a dumpster.
SpongeBob: Patrick, I know what happened, you don't have to remind me.
Patrick: Together, we can change our situation for the better!
SpongeBob: Oh, that would be wonderful, but it will never happen. Come on now, let's spy.
[They get some binoculars from their hoodies and we start seeing from SpongeBob's perspective, he sees Sandy's treedome]
SpongeBob: I spy, with my little eye, a place with a tree in it!
Patrick: Finland! No, wait, Greenland! It's green!
SpongeBob: No, silly! Sandy's treedome!
Patrick: Aw, I always lose!
SpongeBob: Now you tell me what you see!
Patrick: Oh, ok, I, uh......
[A time machine appears in Sandy's treedome, and Sandy comes out of it]
Sandy: Yep, it sure works!
SpongeBob: Oh Neptune......
Patrick: I SEE AIR!
[We now don't see from SpongeBob's perspective anymore, and he puts down his binoculars and takes Patrick's too]
Patrick: Hey! That's cheating!
SpongeBob: PATRICK! SANDY MADE A TIME MACHINE!
Patrick: Woah, a machine that tells you what time it is? That is a great idea! How has no one invented it until now?
SpongeBob: No Patrick! With this machine, we can go back to the past! We could prevent your butt from exploding!
Patrick: Yes! We just tell our past selves not to make our same mistakes! Genius, Patrick.
SpongeBob: Not so fast, Patrick! Remember the Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy series, and all the time travel episodes! A rule was that no matter what happened, someone and their past self should never look at each other directly, or there would be severe consequences!
Patrick: Wait, but in one episode-
SpongeBob: The series isn't very consistent. Sandy won't talk to us, so we must break in her treedome at night......with weapons.
Someone (offscreen): AARGH!
SpongeBob and Patrick: Huh?
[They turn around, and see Fred]
Fred: SPONGEBOB?! PATRICK?! BEHIND MY HOUSE?! STAY AWAY FROM ME!
[Lots of Bikini Bottomites go beside Fred's house]
Nat Peterson: They were behind my house last week!
Shubie: They were behind my house last month!
Tom: When will you two ever learn?! WE DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU BUTT-EXPLODING MANIACS!
SpongeBob: LET'S RUN, PATRICK!
[SpongeBob and Patrick try to run away, but Harold pitchforks the place where Patrick's butt was]
Patrick: OUCH! [he runs faster, and SpongeBob follows]
[bubble transition, SpongeBob and Patrick are in Sandy's treedome at night, holding bags and wearing water-filled goldfish helmets on. They get in the time machine]
Patrick: Let's go GUNS BLAZING!
SpongeBob: No Patrick, not necessarily. Now, if I remember correctly, your butt exploded on October 25th, 2029, at Goo Lagoon. [he presses a few buttons some stuff and pulls a lever, which sends them back in time to Goo Lagoon. They get out of the time machine and their helmets float away because of the water]
Patrick: Woah, I think I'm still high.
SpongeBob: Ok, our past selves aren't here, let's walk some more.
[They walk some more, and see their past selves sleeping in the distance with an alarm clock between them]
Patrick: There they are! Well, there WE are! Wait......I'm confused!
SpongeBob: Why were we sleeping at Goo Lagoon with an alarm clock between us?
Patrick: One too many Goofy Goobers, I'd assume.
SpongeBob: Now, what can we do to stop the events of this day?
Patrick: I dunno, [he gets a hammer from his bag] but I want to use little hammy!
SpongeBob: That's it, Patrick! You should smash the alarm clock with that hammer-
Patrick: Little hammy!
SpongeBob: -little hammy. That way our past selves won't wake up! And when they do, the snack stand will be closed!
Patrick: OH BOY! I love breaking alarm clocks! Little hammy, this is gonna be fun! [he approaches the alarm clock, and breaks it] YES!
SpongeBob: YES!
Past Patrick: [burps] UURRRRRRRRPPPP!!!!!!!!!!
Patrick: AARGH! [he accidentally drops the hammer on Past Patrick and quickly runs away]
Past Patrick: [wakes up] AARGH!
Past SpongeBob: [wakes up] Patrick? A HAMMER?!
Past Patrick: GET IT OFF ME!
Past SpongeBob: This is going to be hard! [he picks up the hammer]
Past SpongeBob and Past Patrick: HOORAY!
Past Patrick: We should keep this hammer! Let's call it.......little hammy!
Past SpongeBob: That's a great name!
[They keep playing with it. Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick hiding and spying them]
Patrick: Little hammy!
SpongeBob: Okay, it looks like they're too busy playing with little hammy to go to the snack stand!
Past Patrick: Hey little hammy, want to go to eat at the snack stand with Patrick? Come on, let's go to the snack stand. [Past Patrick starts walking towards the snack stand]
Patrick: NO!
SpongeBob: What do we-
[A gunshot is heard, and everyone escapes from Goo Lagoon except SpongeBob, Patrick, Past SpongeBob, and Past Patrick]
SpongeBob: Huh? [he notices Patrick is holding a gun] PATRICK! You.....you are a genius!
Patrick: No SpongeBob, my name is not Richard.
Past SpongeBob: Patrick, we've got to go! We could get shot!
Past Patrick: Hold on a second! [he eats all the food at the snack stand] RUN!
[Past SpongeBob and Past Patrick start running, and Past Patrick is still holding the hammer]
Past Patrick: Don't worry little hammy, we're going to be just fine!
SpongeBob: BARNACLES!
Past Patrick: [farts] Uh, SpongeBob, I think I have to poop.
Past SpongeBob: Not now, Patrick!
Past Patrick: Oh, it's coming out!
Past SpongeBob: *sigh* Fine, go to the Port-O-Head, but make it quick!
Past Patrick: [gives Past SpongeBob the hammer] Take care of little hammy! [he runs to the Port-O-Head]
Past SpongeBob: Don't worry little hammy, you're safe with- [he gets shot with a tranquilizer dart] -me......[he falls on the floor unconscious]
Patrick: [is holding a tranquilizer gun] Now!
SpongeBob: [goes in the Port-O-Head, where Past Patrick is]
Past Patrick: AARGH! Oh, you scared me, SpongeBob. I just finished poo-
SpongeBob: Wipe your butt.
Past Patrick: Huh?
SpongeBob: Wipe it.
Past Patrick: But I don't know how!
SpongeBob: [has a terrified face for a few seconds] *gulp* [he gets some toilet paper, and him and Past Patrick look at each other terrified]
[Cut to outside the Port-O-Head, wiping noises are heard. After that, a flushing noise is heard]
SpongeBob: [inside the Port-O-Head] Done......[he gets out of the Port-O-Head screaming, and runs to where Patrick is] TIME MACHINE, NOW!
Patrick: Wait, little ha-
SpongeBob: THANKS TO YOU, WE WILL STILL HAVE IT IN THE FUTURE! GET IN THE TIME MACHINE!
[They get in the time machine and press a few buttons, then they pull a lever and go back to Sandy's treedome, they get out of the time machine and can't breathe, but they then disappear. SpongeBob appears in Heaven, where King Neptune is]
SpongeBob: King Neptune? Heaven? What am I doing here?
King Neptune: Well kid, thanks to your time traveling adventure, you ended up dying.
SpongeBob: DYING?! How?
King Neptune: You see, when your past self woke up, he reported the tranquilizer dart to the police, and it was revealed that dart had the DNA of Patrick Star, who is now in jail for it. You cried so much you drowned in your own tears. I have to admit, it was pretty hilarious.
SpongeBob: No.....it can't be.....
King Neptune: You time travelled and ended up dying, happens all the time.
SpongeBob: WHY?! WHY?! This all wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for the......
[Zooms on SpongeBob's face]
SpongeBob: POOP!
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