Jim Crow Gets a Bath

Downstairs, the pot in the fireplace was boiling rapidly. Kilala immediately got up, changed back into white short-sleeved blouse, blue vest, gray skirt with the yellow Mickey Mouse logo, pink tie, white socks, and black shoes and ran downstairs to it. She removed the lid from the pot, stirred it up, and tasted it.
Meanwhile the seven animals were peeking from the top of the banister where Dumbo had stuck his head into a hole in it. They sniffed the air, breathed in deeply, sighed, and shouted, "Ahhhhh! Soup! Hurray!" Timothy, Jim, Big Daddy Lou, Lil' Urle, Zachariah, and Tyrone, who were not stupid enough to stick their heads through the banister, ran to the table, each one stepping on Dumbo's back. They were arguing over the food, each one wanting to be the first. Dumbo tried to follow them, but his head was in the banister. After several bumps, his head finally popped through, and he flew backwards into the wall. Aching from the pain, he flew down the stairs, only to end up tumbling. He got up and quickly flew to the table and into his chair, but his chair fell backwards, and he went rolling out of it. He stood up in his chair and sat down to join the argument. Soon, all seven animals were fighting over bread rolls and knocking Dumbo out of his chair again. They were just about to bite into them when Kilala stopped them.
"Ah, ah, ah! Just a minute!" Kilala called to them. The animals stopped fighting and turned their heads to listen.
"Supper's not quite ready yet," said Kilala. "You'll just have time to wash."
"Wash?" Timothy, Big Daddy Lou, Lil' Urle, Zachariah, and Tyrone questioned in wonder.
"Ha! I knew there was a catch to it!" Jim grumbled, throwing down his spoon and crossing his wings in defiance.
"Why wash?" asked Zachariah.
"What for?" asked Big Daddy Lou.
"We're not going anywhere, are we?" asked Tyrone.
"It's not the New Year." said Timothy, as Big Daddy Lou, Zachariah, Tyrone, and Dumbo shook their heads.
"Oh, perhaps you have washed." Kilala smiled.
Timothy pondered for a moment. "Perhaps we..." Then he remembered what Kilala meant. "Yes, perhaps we have!"
"But when?" asked Kilala, crossly putting her hands on her hips.
Timothy kept waffling about when he and the other animals had already washed. "When? When? You said... Ah, last week, month, ye..., why, recently!" he finally said.
"Yes, recently!" said Big Daddy Lou, Lil' Urle, Zachariah, and Tyrone.
"Oh, really?" said Kilala. "Let me see your hands."
Timothy, Big Daddy Lou, Lil' Urle, Zachariah, Tyrone, and Dumbo placed their hands, wings, and hooves promptly behind their backs and backed up a bit. But Jim crossed his wings defiantly.
"Let me see your hands!" demanded Kilala.
Finally, Timothy held out his filthy hands.
"Why, Timothy! I'm surprised!" exclaimed a shocked Kilala. Timothy giggled bashfully and his hands once again.
Kilala looked at Zachariah. "Come on. Let's see them." Zachariah held out his wings as well. "Oh, Zachariah, my, my, my..." The tall crow blushed and hid his wings again.
Then she looked at Tyrone. "And you?" Tyrone held out his wings, and Kilala tsked at the sight.
Big Daddy Lou rubbed his wings on his legs and held them out for Kilala to inspect. "Worse than I thought." Kilala said sadly.
Dumbo held out his filthy hooves, only to fall flat on his face and make Kilala laugh.
Finally, Lil' Urle held out his wings. Kilala gasped at the sight of his filthy wings. "Oh! How shocking!" Lil' Urle quickly hid wings.
"Goodness me! This won't do at all!" said Kilala.
Jim looked at his wing and angrily shoved it back down.
"March straight outside and wash or you're not gonna get a bite to eat!" Kilala ordered the animals.
Sadly, the animals, other than Jim, looked at Timothy, who nodded and led them outside the open door, whose doorknob was remarkably fixed!
Naturally, Dumbo was not looking where he was going and flew straight into the wall on the wrong side of the door, which is actually the closet for storing pots and pans. He flew out and around the door to the outside.
"Humph!" said Jim, as he glared at the wall again.
"Well, aren't you going to wash?" Kilala asked the cigar-smoking crow.
Jim ignored her.
"What's the matter?" asked Kilala, "Cat got your tongue?"
Jim only turned to face Kilala and stuck his tongue out at her. Then he stomped outside, only to bump into a wall. making her laugh.
"Awwww, did you hurt yourself?" Kilala asked empathically.
"Humph!" Jim pouted. And with that, he marched straight outside, slamming the door behind him. He sat on a barrel, took the cigar out of his mouth, tapped the ashes out of it, threw it on the ground, grabbed a slice of buckwheat cake, and stuck it in his mouth. "Humph! Girls!"
"Courage, boys, courage," Timothy told his friends. "Don't be nervous."
Jim watched his friends and brothers approach an empty horse trough. They peered at the water nervously. Big Daddy Lou stuck a wing in the water and swirled it around. "Gosh!" he said, "It's wet!"
Tyrone stuck his wing in it, too. He quickly pulled it out, shivering. "Brrrrr!" he complained, "it's cold too!"
"We're not gonna do it, are we?" Zachariah asked nervously.
"Well," said Timothy. "It would please the princess."
"I'll take a chance on her!" Big Daddy Lou spoke up.
"Me too!" Lil' Urle, Zachariah, and Tyrone said in unison.
"Humph," Jim said from on top of the barrel. "Her wiles are beginning to work! But I'm warning you, you give them an inch, they'll walk all over you!"
"Don't listen to that old warthog!" Timothy said indignantly. Then he turned to face Big Daddy Lou, Lil' Urle, Zachariah, Tyrone, and Dumbo. "Come one now, boys!"
"How hard can you scrub?" Tyrone asked.
"Will our clothes shrink?" Lil' Urle asked.
"Do you get in the tub?" Big Daddy Lou asked.
"Do you have to wash where it doesn't show?" Zachariah asked.
"Now, don't get excited," Timothy told them. "Here we go!" Then he began to sing.
Timothy: Step up to the tubOh! T'ain't no disgraceJust pull up your sleevesAnd pin them in placeThen, scoop up the waterAnd rub it on your faceAnd go,"Brrr!Brrr!Brrr!"
Big Daddy Lou, Lil' Urle, Zachariah, Tyrone, and Dumbo picked up five separate bars of soap and began working up a lather on their wings, trunk, hooves, and faces.
Timothy: Pick up the soapNow, don't try to bluffWork up a latherAnd when you got enoughGet your hands full of waterAnd you snortAnd you snuffAnd go,"Brrr!Brrr!Brrr!"
In the meantime, the fly that bothered Lil' Urle returned by buzzing around Lil' Urle's head. Then it landed on the soap and started scrubbing.
Timothy: You douse and souseYou rub and scrubYou sputter and splashAll over the tub/>You may be cold and wetWhen you're doneBut you gotta admitIt's good and clean funSo splash all you like/>T'ain't any trickAs soon as you're throughYou'll feel mighty slick
Jim Crow: Bunch of old nanny goatsYou make me sickGoing,"Brrr!Brrr!Brrr!"
Jim then spat at them.
Timothy then took a scrubbing floor brush and scrubbed Big Daddy Lou's, Lil' Urle's, Zachariah's, and Tyrone's heads. He tried to scrub Dumbo's head, but he ducked several times, avoiding the brush. Timothy got mad and knocked Dumbo into the trough with it.
"Brrr! Brrr! Brrr!" he shouted underwater, kicking his legs frantically, as Timothy instead brushed his rear end with the brush.
Meanwhile, Jim was still making fun of his friends and brothers. "Ha! Next thing you know, she'll be tying your fur up in pink ribbons and smelling you up with that stuff called perfume!" Then he spat out the chewed part of the buckwheat cake.
Meanwhile, the animals went back to washing. While Timothy was cleaning Lil' Urle and Zachariah's glasses, Big Daddy Lou shook like a dog to dry his feathers and clothes and soaked Timothy.
Dumbo hit himself in the head to get the water out of his big ears. Then, he shook his head, only to cause the water to slosh around. Finally, he stuck his trunk in his mouth and blew hard, making the water comes shooting out of his ears.
Tyrone couldn't see, so, he grabs the first thing he touched to dry his face off with. It happened to be the back of Lil' Urle's sweater. Zachariah couldn't see either and grabbed the front of Lil' Urle's sweater to dry off his face. This caused Lil' Urle to be lifted lift up off the ground. When Zachariah and Tyrone were done, they dropped the little crow painfully on the ground.
"A fine bunch of waterlilies you turned out to be!" Jim said, still sitting on top of the barrel. Timothy glared at him. "I'd like to see anybody make me wash, if I didn't wanna!"
"Hey!" snapped Timothy. But then he calmed down a bit, cleared his throat, and motioned his friends to come. After Lil' Urle and Zachariah set the glasses back over their eyes and on their beak, they and the rest of the animals were all gathered in a football-esque huddle. Timothy whispered and pointed to Jim, who didn't seem to notice. Big Daddy Lou looked up and slightly laughed. Dumbo looked up, smiling at Jim, but Tyrone reached up, grabbed his head, and dragged him back into the huddle.
Whistling, Timothy, Big Daddy Lou, Lil' Urle, Zachariah, Dumbo, and Tyrone made their way to the barrel to surround Jim, who noticed that it was late.
"Get him!" Timothy cried.
Jim tried to run away, but the others quickly grabbed onto his wings and legs. Now he was kicking and screaming while the other animals carried him to the trough, while taking off his hat, vest, cravat, and spats. "Hey! Let go of me!" shouted the black crow.
"Get him over to the tub!" cried Timothy, "Get him over to the tub!"
"Let me loose, you fools! Let me loose!" shouted Jim (who was now naked).
"Get him up on the tub!" Timothy continued crying, "Get him up! Hang onto him! Get him up on the tub! The tub, the tub! Don't get excited! Don't get--"
They managed to get him in, and, in the process, Dumbo fell off of Tyrone and rolled over with Timothy. He landed with his arms around a dazed Timothy's neck and looked up at him lovingly.
Timothy pushed the elephant off of him. "Get the soap!" he commanded, as Dumbo nodded at Timothy while going to get the soap. But he tripped, got up, and quickly ran past the soap. He stopped, went back, and got it, but it slipped out of his trunk ten times.
"Oh! Steady, boys!" Timothy said to those who were holding the tortured crow in the water.
The soap landed on Dumbo's head and bounced off. He snuck up on it and pounced on it. That only caused it to slip out of his trunk, bounce off of Lil' Urle's rear end, and go down Dumbo's throat, nearly choking him, but it went straight down, making him feel sick. Luckily, Dumbo pretended not to notice the fact that he just swallowed an entire bar of soap and looked around for the missing soap. He couldn't find it of course. He hiccupped, and bubbles came out of his mouth. He kept looking around until he kept hiccupping bubbles again. He pat his stomach and felt the bar of soap. He kept hiccupping bubbles, feeling sicker and sicker.
During all of this, Timothy, Big Daddy Lou, Lil' Urle, Zachariah, and Tyrone were scrubbing Jim's face and laughing. Tyrone washed his feathers while Lil' Urle and Zachariah held him down. Big Daddy Lou scrubbed his forehead while Timothy scrubbed his beak. Timothy began singing again, and the other animals joined in.
Timothy: Now scrub good and hardIt can't be deniedBut he'll look mighty cuteAs soon as he's dried
Timothy, Big Daddy Lou, Lil' Urle, Zachariah, and Tyrone: Well, it's good for the soulAnd it's good for the hideTo go--
Jim Crow: "Brrr!Brrr!Brrr!"
Dumbo was still hiccupping bubbles. He tried holding them in until he hiccupped so hard, sending his skyrocketing in the air. He hiccupped one last time, causing the last bubble to come out of his mouth, followed by his hat, and pop, causing the hat to land back on his head. That caused him to feel much better.
By this time, Timothy, Big Daddy Lou, Lil' Urle, Zachariah, and Tyrone were tying blue ribbons in Jim's feathers. "Ain't he sweet?" Timothy smiled.
Tyrone sniffed the black crow. "Smells like a petunia." he said.
Big Daddy Lou placed a wreath of flowers on Jim's head. "He sure is cute." he said.
"You'll pay dearly for this!" Jim snarled.
"Supper!" Kilala called to the mouse, crows, and elephant, banging the spoon against the cauldron.
"Supper!" Timothy exclaimed happily.
"Food! Hurray!" Big Daddy Lou, Lil' Urle, Zachariah, and Tyrone cheered, as they and Dumbo ran back inside, dropping Jim into the trough.
"Brrr! Brrr! Brrr!" Jim screamed underwater. When he popped his head up out of the water, he sat up and pouted. "Humph!"
Category:Fan Fiction
Category:Snow White
Category:Snow White Fanmake
Category:Snow White Parodies
Category:Snow White spoofs