Film 1981/Transcript

The following is the transcript of what is known to fans as the "Fosse Cut."
(At the rise, the stage is filled with smoke and in total darkness except for moving hands. The hands are illuminated by a light curtain consisting of ungelled floodlights focused directly upwards mounted on the stage floor which keeps the stage in virtual darkness, so that the writhing hands exist in a strange, macabre limbo. An orchestral vamp is accompanied by a low, crooning vocal wail. Then, from the center of the rotating hands, the face of the LEADING PLAYER appears and is hit by a spot light. HE crosses the light curtain and moves downstage to the audience and sings. As the song progresses, we can see a bare stage populated by a GROUP of ACTORS. Their costumes are of an undetermined period. But THEY are definitely PLAYERS, a troupe, a theatrical caravan of some kind. One by one, THEY come through the light curtain, and are hit by spot lights; until finally, THEY all come forward and join in the song.)
LEADING PLAYER: JOIN US - LEAVE YOUR FIELDS TO FLOWER
JOIN US - LEAVE YOUR CHEESE TO SOUR
JOIN US - COME AND WASTE AN HOUR OR TWO
DOO-DLE-EE-DO
JOURNEY - JOURNEY TO A SPOT EX-
CITING, MYSTIC AND EXOTIC
JOURNEY - THROUGH OUR ANECDOTIC REVUE
WE'VE GOT MAGIC TO DO - JUST FOR YOU
WE'VE GOT MIRACLE PLAYS TO PLAY
WE'VE GOT PARTS TO PERFORM - HEARTS TO WARM
KINGS AND THINGS TO TAKE BY STORM
AS WE GO ALONG OUR WAY
FASTRADA: INTRIGUE - PLOTS TO BRING DISASTER
LEWIS: HUMOR - HANDLED BY A MASTER
TWO GIRLS (Deborah Phelan and Allison Williams): ROMANCE - SEX PRESENTED PASTORALLY
LEADING PLAYER: DEE-DLE-EE-DEE
A PLAYER (Tom Batten): ILLUSION - FANTASY TO STUDY
CHARLES: BATTLES - BARBAROUS AND BLOODY
LEADING PLAYER: SO JOIN US - SIT WHERE EVERYBODY CAN SEE
(The remaining PLAYERS step through the light curtain and THEY ALL sing)
ALL: WE'VE GOT MAGIC TO DO - JUST FOR YOU
WE'VE GOT MIRACLE PLAYS TO PLAY
WE'VE GOT PARTS TO PERFORM - HEARTS TO WARM
KINGS AND THINGS TO TAKE BY STORM
AS WE GO ALONG OUR WAY
(The song develops into a dance of sorts. It involves all kinds of magic tricks, etc., all the things that PLAYERS have ever done to attract and hold an audience)
WE'VE GOT MAGIC TO DO - JUST FOR YOU
WE'VE GOT MIRACLE PLAYS TO PLAY
WE'VE GOT PARTS TO PERFORM - HEARTS TO WARM
KINGS AND THINGS TO TAKE BY STORM AS WE GO ALONG
GROUP 1: WE GOT MAGIC TO DO JUST FOR YOU WE GOT MAGIC TO DO JUST FOR YOU WE GOT MAGIC TO DO JUST FOR YOU AS WE GO ALONG OUR WAY
GROUP 2: OUR WAY... MAGIC TO PLAY WE GOT FOIBLES AND FABLES TO PORTRAY AS WE GO ALONG OUR WAY
(After the song, the music continues under)
LEADING PLAYER: This evening, for your entertainment pleasure, we present our most mysterious and miraculous tale. A stunning example of:
FASTRADA: Magic!
A PLAYER (Joanie O'Neill): And merriment!
LEADING PLAYER: You will witness acts of:
A Player (Charles Ward): Lust!
A Player (Allison Williams): Murder!
CHARLES: Holy War!
A PLAYER (Tom Batten): Love!
LEADING PLAYER: And a climax, ladies and gentlemen, a climax never before seen on a public stage... (A PLAYER jumps onstage from a hidden platform on the side of the stage. HE has a lighted torch in his hand) Not now, later. (The PLAYER with the torch goes. The LEADING PLAYER continues) Our tale today concers the first-born son of Charlemagne, and is entitled... (The PLAYERS pull out a large cloth which has been concealed in one of their costumes. It reads: PIPPIN: HIS LIFE AND TIMES) But, before we begin, let me assure you that what you are about to see is the true life story of Pippin. You see, there have been many misconceptions about Pippin; one that he was... (During the following, a few of the PLAYERS, all of whom are now hidden behind the cloth sign, come around or from under it to deliver their lines)
FASTRADA: A hunchback.
LEADING PLAYER: Or that he was...
A PLAYER (Charles Ward): Enormously tall.
LEADING PLAYER: That he was...
A PLAYER (Kathryn Ann Wright): A midget.
LEADING PLAYER: That he was...
LEWIS: Completely bald at the age of fourteen. (THEY ALL go back behind the sign)
LEADING PLAYER: But I beg you, cast all previous misconceptions aside. And accept what we enact for you today. (Pause). The life of Pippin begins. (There is a cry and ONE of the PLAYERS (Allison Williams) is raised above the sign with a bundle in her arms) Pippin, as a child, showed tremendous thirst of knowledge. (The WOMAN PLAYER is lowered, and a BOY is held up reading a small book) Immersed in these pursuits, the years went by quickly. (The BOY is lowered and PIPPIN is raised above the sign. HE is reading a large book. HE looks out at the audience and smiles as HE is lowered behind the sign) Charlemagne sent Pippin to the University of Padua...
CHARLES: (Stepping to the side of the cloth) ...and the faculty of the university granted him the special title of scholar of the house.
LEADING PLAYER: Pippin replied to this offer in his own deeply moving words. (The LEADING PLAYER pulls the cloth away. PIPPIN is revealed. The TROUPE applauds, but it is a silent applause, and only ONE of the PLAYERS actually claps.) Uh, he may be a little nervous. This is his first tim playing this role. (PIPPIN looks around, looks up, and frowns slightly, then addresses the LEADING PLAYER)
PIPPIN: Could I have a little more lights, please?
LEADING PLAYER: Well, he'e not that nervous. (The LEADING PLAYER claps his hands and a spot light hits PIPPIN)
PIPPIN: Thank you. Gentle tutors, respected members of the faculty, I'm very grateful for the knowledge that you have given me. (Underscoring begins.) But I'm afraid what I'm looking for can't be found in books. I'm not exactly sure what I want to do, or where I want to go. (Sings)
EVERYTHING HAS ITS SEASON EVERTHING HAS ITS TIME
SHOW ME A REASON AND I'LL SHOW YOU A RHYME
CATS FIT ON THE WINDOW SILL CHILDREN FIT IN THE SNOW
WHY DO I FEEL I DON'T FIT IN ANYWHERE I GO?
RIVERS BELONG WHERE THEY CAN RAMBLE
EAGLES BELONG WHERE THEY CAN FLY
I'VE GOT TO BE WHERE MY SPIRIT CAN RUN FREE
GOT TO FIND MY CORNER OF THE SKY
EVERY MAN HAS HIS DAYDREAMS EVERY MAN HAS HIS GOAL
PEOPLE LIKE THE WAY DREAMS HAVE OF STICKING TO THE SOUL
THUNDERCLOUDS HAVE THEIR LIGHTNING NIGHTINGALES HAVE THEIR SONG
AND DON'T YOU SEE I WANT MY LIFE TO BE SOMETHING MORE THAN LONG.
RIVERS BELONG WHERE THEY CAN RAMBLE
EAGLES BELONG WHERE THEY CAN FLY
I'VE GOT TO BE WHERE MY SPIRIT CAN RUN FREE
GOT TO FIND MY CORNER OF THE SKY
SO MANY MEN SEEM DESTINED TO SETTLE FOR SOMETHING SMALL
BUT I WON'T REST UNTIL I KNOW I'LL HAVE IT ALL
SO DON'T ASK WHERE I'M GOING JUST LISTEN WHEN I'M GONE
AND FAR AWAY YOU'LL HEAR ME SINGING SOFTLY TO THE DAWN.
RIVERS BELONG WHERE THEY CAN RAMBLE
EAGLES BELONG WHERE THEY CAN FLY
I'VE GOT TO BE WHERE MY SPIRIT CAN RUN FREE
GOT TO FIND MY CORNER OF THE SKY.
(After the song, EVERYONE applauds. THEY go to PIPPIN and slap him on the back and congratulate him, ad libbing 'Well said': 'Bravo': 'Good luck', etc.)
LEADING PLAYER: And Pippin made a promise.
PIPPIN: I promise not to waste my life in commonplace, ordinary pursuits.
FASTRADA: (Sarcastically) Terrific. (The OTHER PLAYERS mumble praise)
PIPPIN: You see I know there is something.
LEADING PLAYER: Something fulfilling? Completely fulfilling.
PIPPIN: Yes. That's it. Something completely fulfilling.
FASTRADA: Oh, fantastic.
PIPPIN: And I'm going to find it.
(When the music begins, THEY bow and begin to move off, taking PIPPIN with them) (The LEADING PLAYER sings)
LEADING PLAYER: JOURNEY - JOURNEY TO A SPOT EX-
CITING, MYSTIC AND EXOTIC
JOURNEY - THROUGH OUR ANECDOTIC REVUE
(The music continues. As it does the LEADING PLAYER performs a trick where HE makes a red scarf disappear in his hand. HE then points to down to the center of the stage; as HE does, a spot light hits the center of the stage, and the LEADING PLAYER crosses to the light and begins to pull what seems to be the same red scarf out of the floor. As it gets larger and larger on sees it is attached to the palace portal which now rises entirely out of the floor, magically and majestically. It is the full length of the stage. The PLAYERS enter with step units completing the magic change. When THEY are finished, THEY bow to the audience and go. The LEADING PLAYER indicates the new set to the audience and to PIPPIN who has entered and is excitedly watching the transformation)
LEADING PLAYER: The royal court of Charles the Great!
(He bows to the audience and squeezes out his own spotlight. PIPPIN addresses the audience.)
PIPPIN: The first day I was home from Padua, I tried to get an audience with my father, but they told me he was too busy. The second day, I tried to speak with him at dinner, but he was too drunk. The third day, today, he came to visit me.
(There is a flash of fire, and CHARLEMAGNE appears)
LEADING PLAYER: Enter Charlemagne.
CHARLES: This part is to be portrayed by an actor of enormous power.
LEADING PLAYER: A giant on the battlefield and in the bedroom.
CHARLES: Oh, thank you so much.
LEADING PLAYER: You're welcome. (HE goes)
CHARLES: (Moving to PIPPIN) Good morning.
PIPPIN: (Kneeling) Good morning, sir.
(CHARLES opens his arms to PIPPIN and THEY embrace)
CHARLES: Well, welcome home, son!
(Father and son look at each other in embarrassment.)
PIPPIN: Oh, Father, I wanted to talk with you so badly.
CHARLES: Uh, talk. Talk. Yes, talking is good. (Then CHARLES sings) HELLO, SON.
PIPPIN: HELLO.
CHARLES: YOU LOOK THINNER.
PIPPIN: I KNOW.
CHARLES: SO, SON
PIPPIN: SO?
CHARLES: LAST NIGHT DID'NT YOU MISS DINNER?
PIPPIN: No, Father, I was right there but you were drinking.
CHARLES: Ah, yes, so you were. I remember. I ALWAYS remember. Now, tell me, how have things been going with you in Padua?
PIPPIN: Not very well, sir, some of my tutors...
CHARLES: (Interrupting PIPPIN) Good, good. I'm a firm believer in education.
PIPPIN: And yet you've become the most powerful man in the world without it.
CHARLES: The most powerful man in the world? Oh, Pippin, don't exaggerate. What about the Pope?
PIPPIN: Oh, I rank you ahead of the Pope, sir.
CHARLES: Well, I happen to agree with you. (Acton freezes on CHARLES and PIPPIN. The LEADING PLAYER appears)
LEADING PLAYER: Enter Lewis! (LEWIS jumps up from the side. As the LEADING PLAYER introduces him, HE strikes a series of characteristically masculine poses to show off his muscles) Pippin's half-brother, offspring of Charles and Fastrada, and after Pippin, heir to the throne. Addicted to the physical, Lewis loves weight lifting, Lewis loves wrestling, but most of all, Lewis loves Lewis.
(LEWIS winks at the audience and then crosses the stage swinging his sword, as if HE were attacking something. CHARLES and PIPPIN are again in the scene)
LEWIS: Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah!
PIPPIN: (applauds) Well done, brother.
LEWIS: Well done? Ha! That was magnificent! Did you know this arm slew twenty Frisians last year? And it's going to slay even more Visigoths. Right, Father?
PIPPIN: You mean you're going to war against the Visigoths?
LEWIS: Uh huh. Right, Father?
CHARLES: Why do I always get nauseous when he calls me Father?
(The action freezes and once more the LEADING PLAYER appears, high up on the portal)
LEADING PLAYER: Enter Fastrada. (As HE speaks, a black tab is taken up and FASTRADA is revealed standing in the light) Pippin's step-mother. Devious, crafty, cunning, untrustworthy, but a warm and wonderful mother. Dedicated to gaining the throne for her darling son, Lewis.
(Action begins. FASTRADA comes downstage to LEWIS)
FASTRADA: Lewis! Lewis! Guess what Mommy has for you. Surprise! (SHE gives LEWIS a breastplate)
LEWIS: Oh, thank you, Mother. Look at this! Isn't it a beauty?
PIPPIN: It really is beautiful.
FASTRADA: Welcome home, Pippin. (Blowing a kiss to CHARLES) My darling.
LEWIS: Can you imagine how I'll shine in the sun?
(FASTRADA lovingly helps LEWIS put on the breastplate)
FASTRADA: Darling, you look beautiful. Doesn't he, Charles? (LEWIS begins to strut around, showing off his new armor) Oh, Pippin, stand up straight. Didn't they teach you posture at school? Notice how straight Lewis stands.
CHARLES: Oh, yes, Lewis is a real straightstander. There's no question about that.
LEWIS: Look how I shine. (Crosses with swordplay) Hah, Visigoths! (Exits)
FASTRADA: Oh, we're so proud of Lewis, aren't we, dear? Oh, my darling, before I forget, the royal treasurer informs me I'm overdrawn in my allowance account.
CHARLES: You're overdrawn again?!
FASTRADA: Now, now, my lord, don't be angry with me. You know how confused I get about money. After all, I'm just an ordinary housewife and mother... (To audience) ...just like all you housewives and mothers out there. (SHE goes)
CHARLES: You know, sometimes I wonder if the fornicating I'm getting is worth the fornicating I'm getting. (Turns to PIPPIN) Well, son, now we can have our little chat. Tell me. How've things been going with you?
PIPPIN: Well, sir, not very well...
CHARLES: (Interrupting him. HE sings) WELCOME HOME, SON, WELCOME HOME
I'M SO GLAD TO HEAR THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
WELCOME HOME SON, GLAD YOU'RE HOME
WILL YOU BE STAYING LONG?
PIPPIN: Well, sir, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. I wanted to ask you...
CHARLES: (Going on)
WELCOME HOME SON, WELCOME HOME
WELL, I'VE GOT TO GO, IT'S ALMOST NOON
PIPPIN: But, Father, I wanted to ask you something...
CHARLES: WELCOME HOME, SON, GLAD YOU'RE HOME
WE'LL TALK AGAIN SOON.
(CHARLES goes. Music begins)
LEADING PLAYER: The preparations for the Visigoth campaign were reaching a peak. Marksmen tested their bows and arrows. (Arrows fly across the stage) Swordsmen tested themselves against one another. (Upstage, swordsmen duel) The panoply of war was being assembled. The sights and sounds of glory were in the air.
SOLDIERS: (Scream) Glory! (Exit)
PIPPIN: Glory's in the air! And what am I doing? I'm running around a dark stage like an idiot.
(A PLAYER enters, wearing a helmet and carrying weapons)
SWORD BEARER: (Handing PIPPIN a sword) Your sword, sir. (Looks more closely) Oh, excuse me. I thought you were a warrior.
PIPPIN: No, no, no. I'll keep it.
SWORD BEARER: But you're not one of us.
PIPPIN: I'm Prince Pippin.
SWORD BEARER: Who?
PIPPIN: Prince Pippin. One day, I'll be king.
SWORD BEARER: And one day, I'll be queen. (HE goes. PIPPIN looks at the sword and lunges with it)
PIPPIN: Hah, Visigoths! (To audience) I think I'd better talk to my father.
(The set changes to CHARLES' court. Lights up on CHARLES as HE enters)
COURTIER (Joanie O'Neill): The royal court of Charles the Great, emperor of the Holy Roman Empire.
CHARLES: And a giant in the bedroom.
COURTIER: And a giant in the bedroom... (Indicating with a "so so" gesture of her hand that CHARLES isn't much of a giant) ...is prepared to hear petitions.
(Lights up on BARON)
BARON: Oh, great leader, blessed by God, sent to us from Heaven to protect us from the Infidel...
CHARLES: (Impatient) Oh, what is it?
BARON: I beseech you to reduce my levy of footsoldiers, cattle and wheat. Due to a famine...
CHARLES: (Interrupting) Denied. Next.
BARON: But, sire, my cattle are dying, my fields are barren, and my footsoldiers all have the French disease.
CHARLES: Denied. Next.
BARON: But, sire, that is unjust and tyrannical! (realizes what he said) Oops.
CHARLES: Take that man away and hang him! (The LEADING PLAYER steps from behind the staircase and places the noose around the BARON's neck) 
BARON: (as he's being led away) Charlie, you are a tyrant!
CHARLES: Next!
PETITIONERS: (Stepping forward) Oh, great leader, blessed by God, sent to us from Heaven...
CHARLES: Oh, no. Not all that bullshit again. Out! Out! Everybody out! Council is dismissed.
PIPPIN: Wait! Father:
CHARLES: Yes?
PIPPIN: I know what I want to do now.
CHARLES: Good. Good.
PIPPIN: I want to be a soldier.
CHARLES: What!
PIPPIN: Yes, I want to join you in your campaign against the Visigoths.
CHARLES: Denied.
PIPPIN: But that's not fair.
CHARLES: To an emperor, fairness is irrelevant.
PIPPIN: But you're taking Lewis.
CHARLES: (Coming down from his throne) Yes, well, your brother Lewis is an ideal soldier. He is strong and stupid. You, on the other hand are educated.
PIPPIN: Father, I have to talk to you.
CHARLES: I am busy!
PIPPIN: You're always either busy or drunk!
CHARLES: Or suffering the insults of ungrateful offspring!
PIPPIN: I'm sorry, Father.
CHARLES: Oh, very well, go ahead. I'm listening.
PIPPIN: Well, sir, I'm your eldest son. I'm your heir. That means I might be king one day, and fighting wars is an important part of being king, isn't it?
CHARLES: Fighting wars is the most important part of being king. I mean, the Pope and I have dedicated ourselves to bringing Christianity to the entire world, even if we have to kill every non-believer to do it.
PIPPIN: Well, that's what I'm talking about, sir. You're dedicated to something, and I just want to be dedicated to something, too, with all my heart and soul, and whatever it is, I want to do it as well as I possible can. 
LEADING PLAYER: (taps PIPPIN on the shoulder) That's a nice thought.
PIPPIN: Thank you.
LEADING PLAYER: You're welcome.
PIPPIN: Otherwise, my life won't have any meaning at all.
CHARLES: So you want your life to have meaning, do you?
PIPPIN: Yes, I do.
CHARLES: That's very ambitious of you, Pippin.
PIPPIN: Father, stop all this bullshit and take me with you.
CHARLES: (Surprised at PIPPIN's language) Well. That's more like it. Get yourself a decent helmet and come along.
(CHARLES goes. The LEADING PLAYER enters from the wings and puts a helmet on PIPPIN's head. PIPPIN looks at the LEADING PLAYER)
PIPPIN: I'm a soldier.
LEADING PLAYER: Right.
(HE goes. PIPPIN turns to the audience)
PIPPIN: Me, a warrior. Finally, a chance to be part of something important. A chance to use my sword, my arm, and maybe, even my blood.
(The drum roll which has been under all this becomes intense)
A SOLDIER (Frank Mastrocola): Blood! Hah!
A SOLDIER (John Mineo): Glory! Hah!
(The stage begins to fill with MEN in full battle regalia. There is a short dance as the set changes from court to the tent of CHARLEMAGNE)
CHARLES: Gentlemen, be seated. Map! (A PLAYER brings over a map, lays it down in front of CHARLES, and sits back down.) Well, gentlemen, it's been a long, hard march. This is where we are. (Indicating to the map) Here. Tomorrow morning at sunrise we go against the Visigoths.
PIPPIN: (Jumping to his feet) Hah, Visigoths!
CHARLES: Sit down, Pippin. (PIPPIN sits) Now the main factor in tomorrow's battle is the terrain. So look at this map. Study it. Remember it.
PIPPIN: Father, why don't we just go out there and slaughter them?
SOLDIER (Frank Mastrocola): Yuk yuk!
CHARLES: You spoke, Pippin?
PIPPIN: Since we're braver and stronger and have god on our side, can't we just go out there and kill?
SOLDIERS (John and Frank): Doo dah. Doo dah.
CHARLES: War is a science, Pippin.
PIPPIN: Well, that takes half the fun out of it right there.
CHARLES: There's plenty of fun when you win.
(Sings)
WAR IS A SCIENCE, WITH RULES TO BE APPLIED
WHICH GOOD SOLDIERS APPRECIATE, RECALL AND RECAPITULATE
BEFORE THEY GO TO DECIMATE THE OTHER SIDE
(Spoken) Now, this is the plan for tomorrow's skirmish.
THE ARMY OF THE ENEMY IS STATIONED ON THE HILL
THEY'RE IN FAVORED FIELD POSITIONS AND THEY'RE READY FOR THE KILL
SO WE'VE GOT TO DRAW THEM DOWN HERE ONTO THE PLAINS
AND SUDDENLY, SUCCESSFULLY, USURP THEIR BATTLE REINS
THEN BRING OUR HORSEMEN INTO FULL EFFECT
AND IT ALL MUST BE ACCOMPLISHED IN A WAY THEY WON'T DETECT
AND WHEN THE FOE SEE OUR SOLDIERS MARCHING THROUGH THE LEA
THEY WILL MOUNT A CHARGE AND MEET AT US AT THE POINT I'VE LABELLED "B"
AND THEIR BOWMEN ON THE HILL (IN YELLOW ON THE MAP)
WILL LEAVE THEIR POSTS TO JOIN THE REST AND FALL INTO OUT TRAP
THEN WE'LL CUT OFF REINFORCEMENTS AND RETREAT OF ANY KIND
BEARING PRINCIPLES OF ENFILADE AND DEFILADE IN MIND.
AND IF ALL THE PLOYS WE PICK TO REALLY WORK TO BRING TO PASS OCCUR
WE WON'T HAVE JUST A VICTORY WE'LL HAVE OURSELVES A MASSACRE. Skidoo!
AND THEN...
SOLDIERS: AND THEN...
CHARLES: AND GENTLEMEN, AND...
ALL: THEN...
PIPPIN: AND THEN THE MEN GO MARCHING OUT INTO THE FRAY
CONQUERING THE ENEMY AND CARRYING THE DAY
HARK! THE BLOOD IS POUNDING IN OUR EARS
JUBILATIONS! WE CAN HEAR A GRATEFUL NATION'S CHEERS! Doo dah!
CHARLES: Pippin, sit down immediately.
PIPPIN: I'm sorry, Father. I don't know what happened to me. (PIPPIN sits)
CHARLES: (Long, disapproving look at PIPPIN) Now, where was I? Ah, yes.
WAR IS A SCIENCE, A BREEDING GROUND FOR BREAINS
AND THOUGH I CANNOT WRITE MY NAME, THE MEN WHOSE PENS HAVE BROUGHT THEM FAME
WRITE ENDLESS PARAGRAPHS EXPLAINING MY CAMPAIGNS.
NOW LISTEN TO ME CLOSELY, I'LL ENDEAVOR TO EXPLAIN
WHAT SEPARATES A CHARLATAN FROM A CHARLEMAGNE
A RULE CONFESSED BY GENERALS ILLUSTRIOUS AND VARIOUS
THOUGH POMPOUS AS A POMPEY OR DARING AS A DARIUS
A SIMPLE RULE THAT EVERY GREAT MAN LEARNS BY HEART
IT'S SMARTER TO BE LUCKY THAN IT'S LUCKY TO BE SMART.
BUT IF THE FATES FEEL FRIVOLOUS AND ALL OUR PLANSE THEY SMOTHER
WELL, SUPPOSE THIS WAR DOES SHRIVEL US, THERE'LL ALWAYS BE ANOTHER!
SOLDIERS: Yeah!
PIPPIN: AND THEN THE MEN GO MARCHING...
CHARLES: PIPPIN!!! (PIPPIN drops his sword.) I shall not caution you again! War is a very serious business!
PIPPIN: I'm sorry, Father.
AND THEN...
ALL: AND THEN...
CHARLES: AND GENTLEMEN, AND THEN...
SOLDIERS: (falsetto) Doo dah!
CHARLES: Now, gentlemen, now!
(The SOLDIERS rise from the benches with swords in hand, and the music changes to a softshoe which the SOLDIERS proceed to do as THEY sing)
SOLDIERS: AND THEN THE MEN GO MARCHING OUT INTO THE FRAY
CONQUERING THE ENEMY AND CARRYING THE DAY
HARK! THE BLOOD IS POUNDING IN OUR EARS
JUBILATIONS! WE CAN HEAR A GRATEFUL NATION'S CHEERS!
(THEY exit. CHARLES, PIPPIN, and LEWIS are alone on stage. During the first part of the following scene, the SOLDIERS come back onstage and take out the benches)
LEWIS: Nicely done, Father
CHARLES: (Confronting PIPPIN) Pippin, I find your attitude very deplorable. Perhaps it wasn't a good idea to bring you along on this campaign.
PIPPIN: Oh, Father, don't send me home. Please, I'm sorry. I don't know what happened to me. I'll be fine in battle, sir. It was all that talk about enfilade and defilade.
CHARLES: Now listen to me, Pippin. The Visigoth king across the valley is busy talking about enfilade and defilade, too. That's the way it's done.
LEWIS: That's the way it's done.
CHARLES: That's the rule.
LEWIS: That's the rule.
CHARLES: There's one more thing. I always like to spend the night before battle praying. And I would like my two sons to join me. (CHARLES kneels. LEWIS and PIPPIN kneel on either side of him) Oh God, we who fight in your name and in the name of your Son, ask for victory in combat tomorrow. Give us the strength to butcher the Infidel that the righteous may flourish upon the face of the earth. (LEADING PLAYER enters as a drum roll is heard) Lewis, Pippin. It's time.
LEWIS: You're going to be very proud of me, Father. (CHARLES looks at PIPPIN)
PIPPIN: I'll try not to disgrace you, sir.
CHARLES: Very well, follow me. (CHARLES, LEWIS and PIPPIN march off. The LEADING PLAYER is alone on stage. The music begins and HE sings)
LEADING PLAYER: BATTLES, BARBAROUS AND BLOODY
(HE's thrown a hat and a cane from offstage which HE puts on)
GLORY! GLORY! GLORY! GLORY!
PRAISE BE TO CHARLES OUR LORD. TRIUMPHANT IS HIS SWORD.
ALLEGIANCE IS HIS WORD. GLORY! GLORY! GLORY! GLORY!
BLOOD!
BLOOD IS RED AS SUNSET, BLOOD IS WARMER THAN WINE
WARMER THAN WINE, THE TASTE OF SALTY SUMMER BRINE UH HUH
(The SOLDIERS enter in a battle formation behind the LEADING PLAYER)
STEEL!
ALL: STEEL IS COLD AS MOONLIGHT, STEEL IS SHARPER THAN SIGHT
SHARPER THAN SIGHT, THE TOUCH OF BITTER WINTER WHITE
SOLDIERS: SHOUT IT OUT FROM THE HIGHEST TOWER
SHOUT IT OUT IN THE DARKEST HOUR
CHARLEMAGNE, YOU LEAD US ON TO
ALL: POWER!
LEADING PLAYER:
WAR!
LEADING PLAYER (SOLDIERS): WAR IS STRICT AS JESUS (WAR) WAR IT'S FINER THAN SPRING (WAR)
LEADING PLAYER AND 2 SOLDIERS: SERVICE TO CHRIST AND TO OUR
ALL: KING. SHOUT IT OUT FROM THE HIGHEST TOWER
SHOUT IT OUT IN THE DARKEST HOUR
CHARLEMAGNE, YOU LEAD US ON TO POWER!
(The SOLDIERS set up some microphones and a sign saying "ON THE AIR" lights up above them.)
THE GATES OF HEAVEN AWAIT, THROWN WIDE BY CHARLES THE GREAT
WE FOLLOW HIM THROUGH BY SERVING HIS STATE!
DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO! DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO!
THE GATES, THE GATES, THE GATES OF HEAVEN, THE GATES OF HEAVEN AWAIT!
LEADING PLAYER: Howjado?
SOLDIERS: THE GATES, THE GATES, THE GATES OF HEAVEN, THE GATES OF HEAVEN AWAIT!
LEADING PLAYER: Howjadoin now?
SOLDIERS: THROWN WIDE BY CHARLES THE GREAT
DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO! DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO!
(The sign now reads "APPLAUSE" as the SOLDIERS bow and exit.)
LEADING PLAYER: (voiceover a la a disc jockey) Hey, let's hear it for a couple of those old time favorites, still on the charts. Holy Wars, 285, 000 killed or wounded, War of Roses, 22, 000 killed or wounded, and that sentimental favorite, World War I, 8, 528, 821 killed, 37, 463, 904 wounded, and let's not forget that all time favorite, World War II, between 35 and 60 million killed or wounded...
(The LEADING PLAYER and TWO SOLDIERS do a dance behind which killings are taking place in limbo. At one point, PIPPIN crosses the stage with blood on his hand, and a SOLDIER crosses with a head on a pike-staff)
LEADING PLAYER: (When the dance is at an end) Ta dum. (The LEADING PLAYER is alone on stage. HE comes down and sits on the playform, legs crossed)
WAR IS STRICT AS JESUS
(The stage is littered with limbs and bodies and heads, etc.)
WAR IS FINER THAN SPRING
(More limbs are thrown on stage. The SOLDIERS enter and begin to go through the bodies looking for valuables. The LEADING PLAYER rises and moves toward them)
(Spoken) Ah, you ain't seen nothing yet, folks!
ALL: THE GATES OF HEAVEN AWAIT, THROWN OPEN WIDE BY CHARLES THE GREAT!
(The shadow of CHARLES is projected on a drop behind them, larger than life)
GLORY! GLORY! GLORY! GLORY! GLORY! Yeah! (spoken) Thank you.
CHARLES: We've won!
SOLDIERS: We've won.
(The SOLDIERS begin to walk among the bodies)
CHARLES: Well, another victory for me and God!
LEWIS: I killed at least twenty-five of them myself, Father.
CHARLES: Yes, you and Pippin both did very well. Well, now we rape and sack. (PIPPIN who has entered looks dubious at the prospect) Oh yes, it's required. And we also have to sing. That's absolutely essential to victory.
(Music starts and the SOLDIERS dance into formation and dance off during the following)
CHARLES: Pippin, you're not joining in. Fall to, men!
SOLDIERS: AND THEN THE MEN GO MARCHING OUT INTO THE FRAY
CONQUERING THE ENEMY AND CARRYING THE DAY
HARK! THE BLOOD IS POUNDING IN OUR EARS
JUBILATION! WE CAN HEAR A GRATEFUL NATION CHEER!
CHARLES: Eat! Drink! Rape! Give thanks to God for granting us this victory!
(PIPPIN is alone on stage. HE moves among the dismembered pieces)
PIPPIN: I'm a soldier. (Seeing a headless body) I suppose it's a little late to wonder who this man was.
HEAD: (laughs) It is a little late.
PIPPIN: Did you say something?
HEAD: I said, it is a little late. But as long as you're interested, I'm just a common man, a Visigoth, but a good man, a very good man.
PIPPIN: You're also a very lucky man. You've had the privilege of dying for your king.
HEAD: Words fail me.
CHARLES: (Entering and going upstage) Pippin, you aren't celebrating. And you there, get all this litter cleared away. (THREE STREETCLEANERS (Charles Ward, Lee Mathis and Frank Mastrocola) come on with a round cart. THEY begin to pick up and sweep away the limbs, bodies, etc.)
PIPPIN: (To the HEAD) You know of course, dying in battle like this, you'll be going straight to Valhalla, or wherever you Infidels go, won't you?
HEAD: Absolutely. The King has assured us personally. But this waiting around has got me edgy.
PIPPIN: This wasn't your first battle, was it?
HEAD: No. My third.
PIPPIN: Well, maybe you could tell me then, how did this battle compare with your other two?
HEAD: Well, unless you get killed, one battle's pretty much like another.
PIPPIN: I was afraid you'd say that.
CHARLES: What's the matter, Pippin? A victory celebration and my own son not here? (A STREETCLEANER comes downstage to the HEAD and picks it up and corries it back to his cart)
PIPPIN: (To the HEAD) I hope you get to Valhalla soon
HEAD: Hope you get to Heaven. (A STREETCLEANER crops the HEAD into his cart and goes)
PIPPIN: Oh, I will. (After a moment, to the audience) I thought there'd be more plumes. (Then, softly, sings)
RIVERS BELONG WHERE THEY CAN RAMBLE
EAGLES BELONG WHERE THEY CAN FLY
I'VE GOT TO BE WHERE MY SPIRIT CAN RUN FREE
GOT TO FIND MY CORNER OF THE -
(The LEADING PLAYER and a player with a guitar enter from upstage)
LEADING PLAYER: (Comes forward and sings) WELL, I'LL SING YOU THE STORY OF A SORROWFUL LAD
HAD EVERYTHING HE WANTED, DIDN'T WANT WHAT HE HAD
HE HAD WEALTH AND PELF AND FAME AND NAME AND ALL OF THAT NOISE
BUT HE DIDN'T HAVE NONE OF THOSE SIMPLE JOYS
HIS LIFE SEEMED PURPOSELESS AND FLAT
AREN'T YOU GALD YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE THAT?
(PIPPIN runs offstage)
SO HE RAN FROM ALL THE DEEDS HE'D DONE, HE RAN FROM THE THINGS HE'D JUST BEGUN
HE RAN FROM HIMSELF, NOW THAT'S MIGHTY FAR TO RUN
OUT INTO THE COUNTRY WHERE HE PLAYED AS A BOY
HE KNEW HE HAD TO FIND HIM SOME SIMPLE JOYS
HE WANTED SOME PLACE WARM AND GREEN
WE ALL COULD USE A CHANGE OF SCENE
(The set changes into a country setting, grass, trees and sun)
SWEET SUMMER EVENINGS, HOT WINE AND BREAD
SHARING YOUR SUPPER, SHARING YOUR BED
SIMPLE JOYS HAVE A SIMPLE VOICE: IT SAYS WHY NOT GO AHEAD?
WOULDN'T YOU RATHER BE A LEFT-HANDED FLEA
OR A CRAB ON A SLAB AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA
THAN A MAN WHO NEVER LEARNS HOW TO BE FREE
NOT 'TILL HE'S COLD AND DEAD.
SWEET SUMMER EVENINGS SO FULL OF SOUND
GAINING A LOVER, GAINING A POUND
SIMPLE JOYS HAVE A SIMPLE VOICE IT SAYS: TAKE A LOOK AROUND
AND WOULDN'T YOU RATHER BE A LEFT-HANDED FLEA
A CRAB ON A SLAB AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA
ON A NEWT ON THE ROOT OF A BANYAN TREE
THAN A MAN WHO NEVER LEARNS HOW TO BE FREE
NOT 'TILL HE'S UNDERGROUND
(Spoken) Enter Berthe. (A chair turns around and reveals BERTHE) Pippin's grandmother; warm, strong...
BERTHE: Still attractive.
LEADING PLAYER: Still attractive. Charlemagne's mother. Exiled from court due to a personality conflist with her daughter-in-law, Fastrada. Now she lives in the country where she enjoys those... (Sings)
SWEET SUMMER EVENINGS, SAPPHIRE SKIES
FEASTING HER BELLY, FEASTING HER EYES
SIMPLE JOYS HAVE A SIMPLE VOICE IT SAYS TIME'S LIVING'S PRIZE
AND WOULDN'T YOU RATHER BE A LEFT-HANDED FLEA
A CRAB ON A SLAB AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA
A NEWT ON A ROOT OF A BANYAN TREE OR A FIG ON A TWIG IN GALILEE
THAN A MAN WHO NEVER LEARNS HOW TO BE FREE
NOT TILL THE DAY, NOT TILL THE DAY, NOT TILL THE DAY
NOT TILL THE DAY HE DIES!
NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA
(HE exits, and as HE does PIPPIN enters)
PIPPIN: Berthe.
BERTHE: (Having trouble with her needlework) Damn! I hate needlepoint!
PIPPIN: Berthe.
BERTHE: Yes? What is it?
PIPPIN: It's me. Pippin.
BERTHE: Pippin? Pippin? Oh, Pippin, I can't believe it. (SHE holds out her arms. PIPPIN embraces her) Oh, how good it is to hold you, to hold you like I used to when you were a little boy. Remember, Pippin?
PIPPIN: Well, of course I remember, Grandma. That's why I came here.
BERTHE: Oh,, you look terrible, Pippin. You need some fresh air, some sun, some good food... (Then with a twinkle) ...some frolicking...some hanky-panky, maybe.
PIPPIN: I don't know what I need, Grandma.
BERTHE: I know what I need, Pippin. I need some good juicy gossip. You gotta tell me. What's happening at court? Oh, and is that handsome priest still listening to confession?
PIPPIN: Grandma, you know, you haven't changed a bit.
BERTHE: You have, Pippin. Something's the matter. What have you been doing with yourself?
PIPPIN: Well, I went to war.
BERTHE: That's why you look so terrible. Men and their wars. Sometimes I think men raise flags when they can't get anything else up.
PIPPIN: Grandma, sometimes you really say shocking things.
BERTHE: Well, I try my best. What's wrong, Pippin?
PIPPIN: I don't know. I feel empty and vacant.
BERTHE: Empty and vacant? Now, you listen to me, Pippin, you're going to hear something very: (Indicating quotes) "wise". Don't take life so seriously. Just take things as they come. And don't plan too much, and don't think too much. How's that for wisdom so far?
PIPPIN: (Tentative) Well, frankly, Grandma, it sounds kinda dull.
BERTHE: It'll be much better with music. Maestro. (A BOY (Lee Mathis) hands her a microphone) Oh, he's cute. (Sings)
WHEN YOU ARE AS OLD AS I, MY DEAR, AND I HOPE THAT YOU NEVER ARE
YOU WILL WOEFULLY WONDER WY, MY DEAR, THROUGH YOUR CATARACTS AND CATARRH.
YOU COULD SQUANDER AWAY OR SEQUESTER A DROP OF A PRECIOUS YEAR
FOR WHEN YOUR BEST DAYS ARE YESTER, THE REST 'ER TWICE AS DEAR.
WHAT GOOD IS A FIELD ON A FINE SUMMER NIGHT IF YOU SIT ALL ALONE WITH THE WEEDS?
OR A SUCCULENT PEAR IF WITH EACH JUICY BITE YOU SPIT OUT YOUR TEETH WITH THE SEEDS?
BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE STOP TRYING TO WAIT FOR FORTUNE AND FATE YOU'RE SECURE OF
FOR THERE'S ONE THING TO BE SURE OF, MATE: THERE'S NOTHING TO BE SURE OF.
OH, IT'S TIME TO START LIVIN' TIME TO TAKE A LITTLE FROM THIS WORLD WE'RE GIVEN
TIME TO TAKE TIME, CAUSE SPRING WILL TURN TO FALL IN JUST NO TIME AT ALL:
(PIPPIN jumps to his feet)
PIPPIN: But Grandma, it' time that I'm worried about.
BERTHE: Now you sit down. You just sit down. I don't wanna hear another word out of you. Not until I'm finished. I've got three more choruses to do. And you all can join in with me if you wish. (To audience) And that goes for all of you out there, too. Yeah. But just the choruses, the verses are all mine. (Sings)
I'VE NEVER WONDERED IF I WAS AFRAID WHEN THERE WAS A CHALLENGE TO TAKE
I NEVER THOGUTH ABOUT HOW MUCH I WEIGHED WHEN THERE WAS STILL ONE PIECE OF CAKE
MAYBE IT'S MEANT THE HOURS I'VE SPENT FEELING BROKEN AND BENT AND UNWELL
BUT THERE'S STILL NO CURE SO HEAVEN-SENT AS THE CHANCE TO RAISE SOME HELL.
(The BOYS join her. A song sheet is lowered behind her, and the words of the song are delineated by a bouncing ball of light)
Everybody!
ALL: OH, IT'S TIME TO START LIVIN' TIME TO TAKE A LITTLE FROM THIS WORLD WE'RE GIVEN
TIME TO TAKE TIME, CAUSE SPRING WILL TURN TO FALL IN JUST NO TIME AT ALL
BERTHE: Verse!
NOW WHEN THE DREARIES DO ATTACK AND A SIEGE OF THE SADS BEGINS,
I THROW THESE REGAL SHOULDERS BACK AND LIFT THESE NOBLE CHINS.
GIVE ME A MAN WHO IS HANDSOME AND STRONG, ONE WHO IS STALWART AND STEADY
THEN GIVE ME A NIGHT THAT'S ROMANTIC AND LONG, GIVE ME A MONTH TO GET READY
I CAN WAYLAY SOME AGING ROUE, AND PERSUADE HIM TO PLAY IN SOME CRANNY
BUT IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE I'M BEING LED ASTRAY BY A MAN WHO CALLS YOU GRANNY
(Spoken) One more time! Come on boys! Now this time I want to hear it from everybody! OK? One! Two! Three! Four!
ALL: OH, IT'S TIME TO START LIVIN'
(BERTHE encourages the audience to sing along. SHE shouts "Everybody")
TIME TO TAKE A LITTLE FROM THIS WORLD WE'RE GIVEN
TIME TO TAKE TIME, CAUSE SPRING WILL TURN TO FALL
IN JUST NO TIME AT ALL.
BERTHE: Come on now! You know it all. Come on now. Sing.
ALL: OH, IT'S TIME TO START LIVIN' TIME TO TAKE A LITTLE FROM THIS WORLD WE'RE GIVEN
TIME TO TAKE TIME, CAUSE SPRING WILL TURN TO FALL IN JUST NO TIME AT ALL.
BERTHE: Out! Out!
BOYS: SAGES TWEET THAT AGE IS SWEET.
BERTHE: GOOD DEEDS AND GOOD WORK EARN YOU LAURELS
BUT WHAT COULD MAKE YOU FEEL MORE OBSOLETE THAN BEING NOTED FOR YOUR MORALS?
HERE IS A SECRET I NEVER HAVE TOLD. MAYBE YOU'LL UNDERSTAND WHY
I BELIEVE IF I REFUSE TO GROW OLD, I CAN STAY YOUNG TILL I DIE
NOW, I'VE KNOWN THE FEARS OF SIXTY-SIX YEARS. I'VE HAD TROUBLES AND TEARS BY THE SCORE
BUT THE ONLY THING I'D TRADE THEM FORIS SIXTY-SEVEN MORE:
ALL: OH, IT'S TIME TO START...
BERTHE: (Stopping the BOYS and audience from singing) Out! (To the man in the light booth controlling the bouncing ball) You up there, out! (The arc goes out) Now, this time, I'm gonna take it all by myself, all right? And I'm gonna take it from center stage. Boys? (The BOYS join BERTHE-making a chair for her with their arms. THEY lift her up. SHE sings)
OH, IT'S TIME TO KEEP LIVIN' TIME TO KEEP TAKIN' FROM THE WORLD I'M GIVEN
YOU ARE MY TIME, SO I'LL THROW OFF MY SHAWL
AND WATCHING YOUR FLINGS BE FLUNG ALL OVER MAKES ME FEEL YOUNG ALL OVER
BERTHE AND BOYS: IN JUST NO TIME AT ALL.
(The BOYS carry BERTHE offstage and SHE shouts to PIPPIN)
BERTHE: Remember that, Pippin! (The screen goes out and PIPPIN turns to the audience)
PIPPIN: I will! She's absolutely right. It's time for me to start living and stop worrying. Maybe that's the secret. Just to enjoy all of the simple things in life. The fresh air. (HE takes off his shirt) The cool, clean water. The fresh fruit off of the... (HE reaches for a fruit and the spot reveals a GIRL (Linda Haberman) with grapes in her hands and hanging from her breasts. The GIRL goes) Oh yes. (Now the light reveals a terrific looking GIRL (Joanie O'Neill) at one corner of the stage. PIPPIN looks at her. PIPPIN looks to the audience) ...and women. (The LEADING PLAYER enters)
LEADING PLAYER: (Sings to the audience, indicating the GIRL) SEX PRESENTED PASTORALLY. (HE goes)
PIPPIN: Of course. Women. (HE sings to the GIRL)
MY DAYS ARE BRIGHTER THAN MORNING AIR, RESPLENDENT ON A GLISTENING DEW
BUT ALL MY DAYS WERE TWICE AS FAIR IF I COULD SHARE MY DAYS WITH YOU
(A light now reveals another GIRL (Kathryn Wright) and PIPPIN goes to her. To the first GIRL) Excuse me. (Now with the next GIRL)
MY NIGHTS ARE STAR-LADEN CITADELS, AND WARMED BY COALS OF GLOWING HUE
BUT NIGHTS WERE WARM BEYOND COMPARE
(His attention is drawn from one GIRL to another (Linda Haberman) by the LATTER's stimulating caress, and HE addresses this GIRL now)
IF I COULD SHARE MY NIGHTS WITH YOU
(Two more GIRLS (Deborah Phelan and Allison Williams) come to PIPPIN, and soon HE is singing to ALL of them as THEY gather around him)
TO DANCE IN MY DREAMS, TO SHINE WHEN I NEED THE SUN
WITH YOU TO HOLD ME WHEN DREAMS ARE DONE
AND OH, MY DEAREST LOVE, IF YOU WILL TAKE MY LOVE
THEN ALL MY DREAMS ARE TRULY BEGUN
AND TIME WEAVES RIBBONS OF MEMORY TO SWEETEN LIFE WHEN YOUTH IS THROUGH
BUT I WOULD NEED NO MEMORIES THERE IF I COULD SHARE MY LIFE WITH YOU.
GIRL (Linda Haberman): (riding on his back like a cowboy) Yahoo!
(Now a dance by TWO GIRLS (Joanie and Deborah). It is simple and soft, and when this section of the dance is over the GIRLS gently rock PIPPIN, and one of them takes his hand and gently places it on her breast)
PIPPIN: (Smiling, turns to the audience) I found it.
(Now the BOYS enter. THREE other GIRLS (Linda, Kate and Allison) do a calypso dance and the BOYS chant rhythmically to the GIRLS' movements. The dance becomes increasingly more exotic. ALL the BOYS and the GIRLS become involved, and THEY begin to show PIPPIN every possible form of sexual activity. PIPPIN's enthusiasm slowly begins to flag, and by the end of the dance HE is exhausted and repelled)
A GIRL: Pippin, come on, Pippin, we've got more for you. (THEY ALL come toward him, enticing him, saying, "Come on, Pippin": "There's more, Pippin" etc.)
PIPPIN: (Trying to get away from them) Enough. That's enough. Leave me alone.
(HE shakes himself out as THEY ALL leave, but not before a BOY (Charles Ward) gooses PIPPIN. PIPPIN sits on a hay wagon which has been rolled on. The LEADING PLAYER appears)
LEADING PLAYER: Boy, when you frolic, you really frolic, don't you. How do you feel now?
PIPPIN: Nothing's changed, I feel empty and vacant. There's got to be something worthwhile that I can do with my life.
LEADING PLAYER: Hey hey, look, you just started. There are so many things to try:
PIPPIN: Like what?
LEADING PLAYER: (Pause) Take a look at this. (HE hands PIPPIN a newspaper)
A COURIER (Frank Mastrocola): (Excessively cheery, as are all Couriers in scene) Good morning. Peasants revolt. King slays thousands.
PIPPIN: Hey, look at this.
A COURIER (Tom Batten): Hello there. Peasants protesting a rise in taxes were slaughtered yesterday by Charlemagne's soldiers. The king warned that any further dissent would be treated in the same manner.
PIPPIN: I can't believe that. My father would never slaughter people just for protesting. That can't be true.
LEADING PLAYER: Now would a newspaper print anything that wasn't true? (PIPPIN turns page)
A COURIER (Joanie O'Neill): Hi. Third massacre to bring new laws from crown. All political activities henceforth to be rigidly controlled.
PIPPIN: Well, that means people won't be allowed to say what they feel.
LEADING PLAYER: True, true.
PIPPIN: My father can't just tell people what to think.
LEADING PLAYER: Why not? He's the king?
PIPPIN: I don't care. People have the right to speak out freely.
LEADING PLAYER: There's no doubt about that.
PIPPIN: Well, something's got to be done about it.
LEADING PLAYER: You're absolutely right.
PIPPIN: We're surrounded by injustice and tyranny.
LEADING PLAYER: And prejudice. Don't forget about prejudice. 
PIPPIN: We're talking about the execution of innocent people!
LEADING PLAYER: That's right. (The LEADING PLAYER motions for some MEN to come on. During the next speech HE helps them hurriedly turn the hay wagon into a campaign platform)
PIPPIN: Well, I'm finally beginning to see what my father really is. He forces people to fight and die over land that they couldn't care less about.
LEADING PLAYER: (Back to PIPPIN now) That's right.
PIPPIN: I think it's got to stop.
LEADING PLAYER: It has got to stop.
PIPPIN: It's time for a change.
LEADING PLAYER: (Mounting the platform) Dammit, it is time for a change!
PIPPIN: We've got to dedicate ourselves to a better world for all people.
LEADING PLAYER: (Testing the microphones) Testing, 1, 2, testing.
PIPPIN: (Mounting the platform) Peace and justice must be restored to this (Into the microphone) great land. (Suddenly, there are cheers over the speaker, as if PIPPIN were the keynote speaker in a convention hall. HE acknowledges the applause) The tyrant must be overthrown! Terror and bloodshed must be ended! (A PLAYER puts a politician's straw hat on PIPPIN's head. HE notices it.) I'm a politician.
LEADING PLAYER: (takes off PIPPIN's hat and replaces it with a Castro type one) You're a revolutionary...and, Baby, you're beautiful.
(A moment of recognition on the part of PIPPIN. A surge of confidence and HE resumes.)
PIPPIN: We need a leader with the wisdom and the courageto seep out the old order and create a better world. (More cheers) Down with Charles! Up with... (The LEADING PLAYER lets down a sign with PIPPIN's name and picture on it.) ...ME!
(The platform is taken off, cheering, music and PIPPIN's campaign promises' fade out. The lights come up on FASTRADA and LEWIS who have been watching some of this scene. SHE speaks to the audience)
FASTRADA: Terrible. A son speaking against his very own father that way. I'd rather be drawn and quartered than think I was in any way responsible for what happened next. After all, I'm just an ordinary housewife and mother, just like all you housewives and mothers out there. (Throughout the scene, FASTRADA and LEWIS engage in a dance. It is lyric mannered, and slightly Oedipal. It carries them to various parts of the stage and in and out of dialogue with PIPPIN and CHARLES.) The fact that my husband is king and my son, Lewis, heir to the throne...after dear Pippin, of course...doesn't make my problems any different from your problems. I try to run a good home and make things pleasant for Charles...despite the fact that he kidnapped me from my father...raped me...and committed other indignities upon my body...before marrying me. (music begins) I don't hold grudges, however. (sings)
BACK IN MY YOUNGER DAYS, IF THINGS WERE GOING WRONG, I MIGHT SULK, I MIGHT POUT
NOW I'VE LEARNED IF I JUST PITCH IN AND DO WHAT'S RIGHT, THINGS WILL ALWAYS WORK OUT
AND IF WE ALL COULD SPREAD A LITTLE SUNSHINE, ALL COULD LIGHT A LITTLE FIRE
WE ALL WOULD BE A LITTLE CLOSER TO OUR HEART'S DESIRE
(spoken) Word had come to me that Pippin was holding secret meetings...of a treasonous nature.
(Lights down on FASTRADA and LEWIS. PIPPIN'S FOLLOWERS enter. THEY are wearing cloaks)
MAN 1: Revolution!
MAN 2: Revolution!
MAN 3: Revolution!
MAN (John Mineo): Follow Pippin!
MAN (Frank Mastrocola): Pippin forever!
MAN (Charles Ward): Pippin, our leader
LEADING PLAYER: (Running in late. Wearing a leather jacker and beret) Power!
MAN (Frank Mastrocola): We pledge to stand by Pippin forever!
ALL: (Putting hands together in pledge) Forever! (PIPPIN enters)
PIPPIN: Now, gentlemen, first, let me say that I admire the dedication and the courage which has brought you all here this evening.
ALL: Forever!
PIPPIN: Thank you. Second, let me be honest about some of the dangers which may lie ahead.
(The MEN ad lib "Yes, honest" ... "Tell us the truth" ... etc.)
LEADING PLAYER: (raises fist) Right on!
PIPPIN: If, during this insurrection, any one of us is caught, the King's vengeance will be swift and terrible. (During the course of the following speech, one by one, ALL of the MEN leave quietly without PIPPIN's knowledge) You will undoubtedly be tortured, broken on the wheel, cruelly maimed, even dismembered.
LEADING PLAYER: Forget that!
PIPPIN: But I am sure that the prospect of these terrible agonies will not deter you from joining me in... (HE turns around and sees that THEY are gone. Then, to the audience) They may appear frightened now. But once the deed is done, once action against the King is taken, they will flock to my side. Maybe. (HE goes. Lights up again on FASTRADA and LEWIS. THEY gasp in horror over what THEY have just heard)
FASTRADA AND LEWIS: Oh!
LEWIS: Mama, if Pippin kills Father...
FASTRADA: You'll be next in line for the throne, darling.
LEWIS: But if Father discovers Pippin's plot and executes him...
FASTRADA: You'll be next in line for the throne, darling.
LEWIS: Mama, no matter what happens, I'll move up:
FASTRADA: Yes, darling. In fear of my beloved husband's life, I brought Pippin's activities to his attention. (Lights up on CHARLES, who is standing on a high platform above them) Pippin is disloyal to you, my lord.
CHARLES: Every son is disloyal to his father at one time or another, my lady.
FASTRADA: But Lewis loves you, my lord.
CHARLES: Lewis is an asshole, my lady.
(Lights down on CHARLES. LEWIS cries out for his MOTHER.)
LEWIS: Mama...mama...mama... (FASTRADA comforts LEWIS by putting her thumb in his mouth.)
FASTRADA: (To audience) Despite this rejection, I took upon my tiny shoulders the task of effecting a rapprochement between two men for whom I felt...deeply. (Sings)
LORD KNOWS WE'VE SEEN ENOUGH TROUBLES ALREADY, WE'VE HAD OUR FILL OF GREY SKIES
SO PUT DOWN THE VINEGAR, TAKE UP THE HONEY JAR, YOU'LL CATCH MANY MORE FLIES
AND IF WE ALL COULD SPREAD A LITTLE SUNSHINE, ALL COULD THINK BEFORE WE STRIKE
WE ALL WOULD BE A LITTLE CLOSER TO THE WORLD WE'D LIKE
(Lights up on CHARLES again) My lord?
CHARLES: Yes, my lady?
FASTRADA: Will you be praying at Arles next month?
CHARLES: No, I don't think so.
FASTRADA: Oh, but my lord, you always feel so much better after your yearly prayer.
CHARLES: Yes I do, don't I? (Lights down on CHARLES)
FASTRADA: I sought out Pippin. (Lights up on PIPPIN, who is atop a platform on the other side of the stage) You father loves you, Pippin.
PIPPIN: Freedom and dignity for all men is more important than the love between one father and one son.
FASTRADA: Still, your name will be on his lips when he prays (Pause) at Arles next month. (During this exchange, the eyes on the faces in the backdrop start to move, and they follow the dialogue from PIPPIN to FASTRADA and back again)
PIPPIN: He prays at Arles next month?
FASTRADA: Alone and unguarded.
PIPPIN: Alone and unguarded. What date?
FASTRADA: On the fifteenth.
PIPPIN:What time?
FASTRADA: When the cock crows. (The eyes on the backdrop roll) Pippin, Pippin, I beg you to bring this estrangement to an end.
PIPPIN: I intend to.
FASTRADA: May I tell your father of this resolve?
PIPPIN: No. Let it be a surprise.
FASTRADA: A surprise. (To audience) How sweet. (To PIPPIN) Oh, Pippin, your intentions make me very happy
PIPPIN: You've been a great help to me, too, Fastrada.
(Lights down on PIPPIN as FASTRADA and LEWIS dance downstage laughing)
FASTRADA: Oh, what sweeter words could a mother hear. (Sings)
I KNOW THE PARABLES TOLD IN THE HOLY BOOK I KEEP CLOSE ON MY SHELF
GOD'S WISDOM TEACHES ME WHEN I HELP OTHERS, I'M REALLY HELPING MYSELF
AND IF WE ALL COULD SPREAD A LITTLE SUNSHINE ALL COULD LEND A HELPING HAND
WE ALL WOULD BE A LITTLE CLOSER TO THE PROMISED LAND.
CLOSER, CLOSER, CLOSER, CLOSER, CLOSER, CLOSER, CLOSER, CLOSER.
(FASTRADA and LEWIS dance a few steps, then SHE speaks to the audience)
It later occurred to me that Pippin might be planning to harm my Charles. I therefore decided to warn him: (Lights up on CHARLES)
CHARLES: Well, I'm off to Arles to pray.
FASTRADA: (Bows low) Good-bye, my lord. (CHARLES goes. FASTRADA and LEWIS continue their movements across the stage. Then, suddenly stopping) Oh dear. In the hustle and bustle of my lord's departure I completely forgot to warn him. (SHE and LEWIS snap their fingers) Oh my, what a busy day. (SHE sends LEWIS off and HE exits) Events move so swiftly it's hard for a simple woman like me to keep up. But something tells me that one day, soon, I will be able to say what every mother wants to say: "My son, the King". (At this point, a crown is lowered in and FASTRADA takes the crown and does a dance with it. When it is over SHE sings)
AND IF WE ALL COULD SPREAD A LITTLE SUNSHINE ALL COULD LEND A HELPING HAND
WE ALL WOULD BE A LITTLE CLOSER TO THE PROMISED LAND
DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO
(Spoken) After all, I'm just an ordinary housewife and mother, Just like all you housewives and mothers out there.
(Sings) DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO (SHE dances off, waving good-bye to the audience. As the lights fade on her and the set goes out, the set for the chapel comes in and a light comes on the LEADING PLAYER)
LEADING PLAYER: INTRIGUE - PLOTS TO BRING DISASTER
The chapel at Arles. (HE goes. Lights up on CHARLES, MONKS, and PIPPIN who is dressed as a monk)
CHARLES: (Sensing his presence) It's all right, Father. You may come in.
PIPPIN: I'm sorry to disturb you, my son. I know you like to pray alone.
CHARLES: You know who I am, Father?
PIPPIN: Of course, my son.
CHARLES: You want something from me perhaps. A favor? Advancement?
PIPPIN: No.
CHARLES: Then what, Father?
PIPPIN: I'm here to be with you for one moment, to touch you, to look in your eyes.
CHARLES: And what do you see?
PIPPIN: The death of thousands, the slavery of millions. I see terror and bloodshed.
CHARLES: You see that in my eyes?
PIPPIN: Do you deny it?
CHARLES: Deny it? I'm proud of it. I brought order out of chaos. If slavery, blood and death are part of that order, so be it.
PIPPIN: But those are words from the past. Time has passed you, my son.
CHARLES: And your time has come, my son?
PIPPIN: (Taking down the hood on his robe) Yes, Father.
CHARLES: It's easy from where you stand to judge the things that I have done. But when I fought the blood of the enemy was in my eyes. I sank in the mud on the shores of the Volga. I drowned two legions in the Vistula. Why, eagles, ospreys, even vultures had a better view. From the heights, all things are very clear. Birds float on the wind. But, by God, I blew my breath across a continent and shaped an empire with it.
LEADING PLAYER: That was beautiful, Charles!
CHARLES: Did you like it?
LEADING PLAYER: I loved it! (HE leaves.)
CHARLES: So, you think you could do better than I?
PIPPIN: Yes, I do.
CHARLES: Well, if you truly believe that, there's only one thing that you can do. (HE hands PIPPIN a knife.)
PIPPIN: Thank you. I've brought my own. (HE reveals his own knife.)
CHARLES: Then why don't you use it?
PIPPIN: Father, there must be another way...
CHARLES: None! So, if you have no further business with me, go and leave me to my prayers.
PIPPIN: What do you pray for, Father?
CHARLES: Strength. And may God give you the same. (PIPPIN strikes. CHARLES slowly sinks to the ground, the knife in his back. The MONKS who have been praying softly throughout the scene laugh quietly. One by one THEY blow out their candles as the lights go out on the chapel backdrop)
PIPPIN: (Sings) WHY WON'T MY HAND STOP SHAKING WHEN ALL THE EARTH IS STILL?
WHEN ANCIENT GHOSTS ARE WAKING, SO MANY STEPS NEED TAKING, SO MANY PLANS NEED MAKING
I THINK I WILL, I THINK I WILL (The LEADING PLAYER enters. The MONKS rise and bow to PIPPIN)
MONK 1: Your majesty.
MONK 2: King Pippin.
MONK 3: Your majesty.
MONK 4: Your Highness.
MONK 5: King Pippin.
PIPPIN: King Pippin.
MORNING GLOW, MORNING GLOW STARTS TO GLIMMER WHEN YOU KNOW
WINDS OF CHANGE ARE SET TO BLOW AND SWEEP THIS WHOLE LAND THROUGH
MORNING GLOW IS LONG PAST DUE
(spoken) I'm sorry, Father. I hope I can make a better world.
(As the song progresses, the lights reveal a new backdrop which, at the end, is brilliantly lit as if to suggest a new hope. The REST of the PLAYERS now enter and sing)
PIPPIN: MORNING GLOW FILL THE EARTH, COME AND SHINE FOR ALL YOUR WORTH
WE'LL BE PRESENT AT THE BIRTH OF OLD FAITH LOOKING NEW
MORNING GLOW IS LONG PAST DUE
ALL: OH, MORNING GLOW, I'D LIKE TO HELP YOU GROW
PIPPIN: WE SHOULD HAVE STARTED LONG AGO
PIPPIN AND ALL: SO, MORNING GLOW ALL DAY LONG WHILE WE SING TOMORROW'S SONG
NEVER KNEW WE COULD BE SO STRONG BUT NOW IT'S VERY CLEAR
PIPPIN: MORNING GLOW IS ALMOST HERE
MORNING GLOW BY YOUR LIGHT, WE CAN MAKE THE NEW DAY BRIGHT
AND THE PHANTOMS OF THE NIGHT WILL FADE INTO THE PAST
MORNING GLOW IS HERE
PIPPIN AND ALL: AT LAST
LEADING PLAYER: Long live the King!
ALL: (Sarcastically) Long live the King. (The LEADING PLAYER puts the crown on PIPPIN's head. It is much too big, however, and falls over PIPPIN's eyes)
PIPPIN: (Groping around) It's a little big.
LEADING PLAYER: (Taking the crown from PIPPIN) Yes, a little tissue paper ought to fix that right up. (In the following speech, the MONKS slip out of their robes and are now in their PLAYERS' costumes again. The LEADING PLAYER calls out) King Pippin, Emperor of the Holy Roman Empire... (PIPPIN looks at him excitedly) ...is prepared to hear petitions.
PIPPIN: Come ahead. You will all be dealt with fairly. My invitation extends to high and low alike. (A BEGGAR kneels in the light)
BEGGAR: Sire, I am a poor man...
PIPPIN: You may stand. You may all stand, (THEY all stand)
BEGGAR: Thank you, sire. I am a very poor man. I have 18 children. I can't find work. You have much and I have nothing. Is that fair?
PIPPIN: No. That's completely unfair. Treasurer? (TREASURER steps into the light) I order you to distribute money to the poor, with an extra allowance for every child. (THEY ALL applaud as the BEGGAR thanks him)
LEADING PLAYER: (Indicating PIPPIN's future billing) King Pippin, the Charitable! (Lights up on a PEASANT)
PEASANT: Sire, I'm a peasant. A simple working man, and yet I own not one millimeter of land on which I've worked so hard all my life. Is that fair?
PIPPIN: No. That's terrible. But I will do something about it. I hereby decree that from now on all peasants will own the land that they cultivate. (THEY ALL applaud)
LEADING PLAYER: King Pippin, the Just! (Lights up on a NOBLE)
NOBLE: Sire, now that you've given the land to the peasants, we loyal nobles have no source of income. Therefore, we can no longer pay taxes.
PIPPIN: Well, then I hereby abolish taxes. (THEY ALL applaud)
SOLDIER (John Mineo): Hup-2-3-4, hup-2! You realize, sire, without taxes, you'll have no money to support an army.
PIPPIN: That's all right. I don't need an army. That's it. No more taxes, no more army. (THEY ALL applaud)
LEADING PLAYER: King Pippin, the Magnanimous! (FIELD MARSHALL enters)
FIELD MARSHALL: Sire, it is my duty to inform you that the Infidel hun has attacked in the East.
PLAYERS: Oh!
FIELD MARSHALL: He has destroyed three villages...
PLAYERS: Oh!
FIELD MARSHALL: ...raped hundreds of women...
PLAYERS: (Clinging together in horror) Oh!
FIELD MARSHALL: ...tortured and murdered thousands of your royal subjects.
PLAYERS: Oh!
FIELD MARSHALL: I await your orders.
PIPPIN: I hereby order to to locate the enemy and negotiate a settlement.
FIELD MARSHALL: Very well, sire. (HE leaves.)
LEADING PLAYER: King Pippin, the Peaceful! (FASTRADA and LEWIS enter. They go to CHARLES.)
FASTRADA: (Putting a lily on the body and crying) My lord, my lord... (SHE stops crying.) Sire, the treasurer refuses me my royal allowance.
LEWIS: Mine too.
PIPPIN: Come on, you two, from now on, all royalty, including myself, must forego luxury and extravagance.
FASTRADA: (Takes lily and hits CHARLES with it) Isn't that a crock.
LEADING PLAYER: King Pippin, the Humble! (EVERYONE applauds. The FIELD MARSHALL enters.)
FIELD MARSHALL: Sire, I have met with the Hun. He will withdraw...on one condition.
PIPPIN: There, you see? Now I told you, There isn't one problem that can't be solved by just sitting down and talking it over. Now, what's the one condition?
FIELD MARSHALL: He demands your reproductive organs seperated from the rest of your anatomy.
PIPPIN: What? (The LEADING PLAYER whispers in PIPPIN's ear.) Oh. (PIPPIN crosses his legs.) Well, in that case, I declare wa... (realizes what he's about to say) ...a limited police action.
GROUP 1: HOORAY!
GROUP 2: BOO!
GROUP 1: HOORAY!
GROUP 2: BOO!
GROUP 1: HOORAY!
GROUP 2: BOO!
LEADING PLAYER: What the hell, you can't please everybody.
FIELD MARSHALL: But sire, I have no more men to wage a campaign. I have no money to buy supplies. I have no army.
PIPPIN: Excuse me a moment. Nobles? (Lights up on the NOBLE as PIPPIN crosses to him) You remember that decree I made a little while ago about land and taxes?
NOBLE: Yes, sire. What about it?
PIPPIN: Well, it's off.
NOBLE: Off?! You mean you want me to pay taxes again and raise an army?
PIPPIN: Yeah, that's right.
NOBLE: But sire, without land I have neither money nor power over the peasants.
PIPPIN: Oh, yes, that's a very good point.
NOBLE: "That's a very good point."
PIPPIN: Then I hereby suspend land reform. (Lights up on PEASANT)
PEASANT: Suspend land reform? Why the hell should I work when the poor get handouts from the royal treasury?
BEGGAR: I'll bet he says "You're absolutely right."
PIPPIN: You're absolutely right. I hereby revoke charity to the poor.
BEGGAR: Up thine, sire.
PIPPIN: Take that man away and hang him!
(The BEGGAR puts the noose around his own neck, as the LEADING PLAYER starts to take him away. The OTHER PLAYERS laugh to themselves) No. Stop! Wait! Could you please just let me think a minute?
A PLAYER (Kathryn Ann Wright): Oh, the king is thinking.
A PLAYER (Joanie O'Neill): Please let the king think.
A PLAYER (Allison Williams): The king is thinking.
FASTRADA: (Coming to PIPPIN) Darling, you're doing a wonderful job.
PIPPIN: But I haven't been able to change anything.
FASTRADA: That's exactly what I mean. Your father would've been so proud of you. Now about my royal allowance...(ALL the PLAYERS close in on PIPPIN now with their demands: "Sire, I am a poor man", "Sire, I am a peasant": "Sire, I am a..." until THEY're all lined up on the light curtain adlibbing their demands. PIPPIN is becoming more and more confused)
PIPPIN: Denied. (Then yelling) DENIED! DENIED! DENIED! (THEY stop)
FASTRADA: King Pippin the Unpopular. (THEY ALL leave, laughing under their breath, as the LEADING PLAYER blows out the candles on the altar and goes to PIPPIN)
LEADING PLAYER: What are you praying for?
PIPPIN: I'm praying for strength.
LEADING PLAYER: Is there anything else you'd like?
PIPPIN: I'd like to give my father back his job.
LEADING PLAYER: (laugh) Is that what you want, baby?
PIPPIN: Yes.
LEADING PLAYER: You want it, you got it. (He snaps his fingers. CHARLES' hand is seen reaching around and taking the knife out of his back, coming back to life. PIPPIN gives his father the robe, and places the crown over the knife in CHARLES' hand. The music stops.)
PIPPIN: I'm sorry, Father.
CHARLES: Oh, that's all right, Son. Jusr don't let it happen again. (CHARLES goes. PIPPIN looks after him a moment. Then HE turns to the LEADING PLAYER)
PIPPIN: Well, dammit! Oh, nothing turns out the way I thought it would. (The music for ON THE RIGHT TRACK begins, and the LEADING PLAYER moves to PIPPIN) All right, I know this is a musical comedy, but I want my life to mean something.
LEADING PLAYER: And it will. It will. It will. (Sings) YOU LOOK FRENZIED, YOU LOOK FRAZZLED, PIQUED AS ANY ALP
FLUSHED AND RUSHED AND RAZZLE-DAZZLED, DRY YOUR LIPS, DAMP YOUR SCALP
NOW I CAN SEE YOU'RE IN A RUT IN DISARRAY AND I'M NOT ONE TO BUTT IN
BUT IN FACT I MUST SAY IF YOU'D TAKE IT EASY, TRUST AWHILE DON'T LOOK BLUE, DON'T LOOK BACK
YOU'LL PULL THROUGH IN JUST AWHILE 'CAUSE YOU'RE ON THE RIGHT TRACK
PIPPIN: LEADING PLAYER:
ON THE RIGHT TRACK UH HU HU HU
ON THE RIGHT TRACK TAKE IT EASY, SONNY
ON THE RIGHT TRACK TAKE IT EASY, SONNY
ON THE RIGHT TRACK TAKE IT EASY
LEADING PLAYER: WHY BE FLURRIED
PIPPIN: FLUSTERED
LEADING PLEAYER: KEEP THOSE
PIPPIN: HOPES ALOFT
LEADING PLAYER: KEEP COOL AS CUSTARD
PIPPIN: TRYING HARD
LEADING PLAYER: STEPPING SOFT
BOTH: THERE'S NO TRICK TO STAYING SENSIBLE DESPITE EACH CUL-DE-SAC
'CAUSE EACH STEP'S INDESPENSIBLE WHEN YOU'RE ON THE RIGHT TRACK
PIPPIN (LEADING PLAYER): ON THE RIGHT TRACK (THE RIGHT TRACK)
ON THE RIGHT TRACK (TAKE IT EASY, SONNY)
ON THE RIGHT TRACK (TAKE IT EASY, SONNY)
ON THE RIGHT TRACK (TAKE IT EASY)
(The song develops into a dance during which the LEADING PLAYER encourages PIPPIN to "Go, but easy")
LEADING PLAYER: (Spoken) Pippin jumped back into life with his usual zest. He tried art:the creative life, and you know something, he wasn't too bad. But what he discovered was...
PIPPIN: You got to be dead to find out if you were any good.
LEADING PLAYER: Then he dedicated himself to the church. He sought God in the highways, he sought Him in the byways:and then he finally cornered Him in a huge cathedral. But what he found out was...
PIPPIN: The church isn't saving souls, it's investing in real estate.
LEADING PLAYER: MANY WHEN THINGS GET DANK WILL FEEL THEIR GRIP GO
WE STAY TRANQUIL, SPIRITS HIGH, PULSES LOW
PIPPIN: (Coming through the light curtain again. It goes out, as the scrim comes in) BUT! WHAT I'VE LEFT BEHIND LOOKS TRIFLING
WHAT'S AHEAD LOOKS BLACK AM I DOOMED TO SPEND MY LIFE A-LINGERING ON
LEADING PLAYER: LINGERING ON
PIPPIN: JUST LINGERING ON
BOTH: MALINGERING ON THE RIGHT
PIPPIN: Oh, I'll never find it, never...never...never! Ah, shit! (He falls to the ground.)
LEADING PLAYER: Easy, baby! (sings)
YOU'RE ON THE RIGHT TRACK!
(HE then appears from one of the side platforms) Enter Catherine. A widow with a sma... (The lights come up on TWO PLAYERS holding a scarf. THEY lower to reveal CATHERINE. But there is no CATHERINE. The PLAYERS look in the wings for her, and back to the LEADING PLAYER.) Where the hell is she? Well, get her the hell out here! (HE tries once more) Enter Catherine! (CATHERINE enters in a hurry)
CATHERINE: (To the LEADING PLAYER) Sorry:I couldn't get my eyelash on, and then my zipper was stuck...
LEADING PLAYER: It's okay. We'll just try it again. (CATHERINE goes behind the scarf) Enter Catherine. (The scarf is lowered and CATHERINE turns around) A widow with a small boy and a large estate. (HE goes)
CATHERINE: (To audience, as SHE goes to PIPPIN who is lying on the stage) When I first saw Pippin he was lying in the road like a discarded rag. I would have passed him by. (Sings)
Perhaps I should have passed him by but there was something about his...foot. It was the arch of his foot that caught my eye. What I did was merely an act of Christian charity. After all, I had no idea that this discarded rag would clean up so well. (SHE motions to the TWO PLAYERS who place PIPPIN in the bed which was set behind the scrim upstage, while SHE says) The man had obviously lost the will to live. So the first thing I had to do was to get him interested in something. Something that would restore his faith in life. Something like...me. (Going upstage to PIPPIN) Well, Pippin, I'm sure there are many things you'd like to know about me, aren't there?
PIPPIN: No.
CATHERINE: Good. (Music under) My name is Catherine. I'm a widow. I have a son. I own this estate. (Sings)
I'M YOUR AVERAGE ORDINARY KIND OF WOMAN, COMPETENT AND NEAT, MAKING LIFE A TREAT,
OTHERS AS NICE YOU MEET OFTEN I KNOW AT LEAST ONCE OR TWICE, EVERY DECADE OR SO
I'M YOUR EVERYDAY, CUSTOMARY KIND OF WOMAN, PRACTICAL AS SALT, MODEST TO A FAULT
CONSERVATIVE WITH A BUDGET, LIBERAL WITH A MEAL, JUST YOUR AVERAGE DEAL
MY TELLING YOU THIS MAY SEEM SUDDEN AND STRANGE IT MAY NOT INTEREST YOU MUCH AT ALL RIGHT NOW
BUT THINGS CHANGE, THINGS CHANGE, STILL I'LL UNDERSTAND IF I'M NOT YOUR KIND OF WOMAN
ANYONE CAN MAKE, ONE TERRIBLE MISTAKE BUT I'VE NO SPECIAL GLAMOUR NO BAIT I CAN TWIRL,
FOR I'M JUST A PLAIN, EVERYDAY COMMONPLACE, COME-WHAT-MAYAVERAGE, ORDINARY WONDERFUL GIRL!
(Looking at him, then to the audience) God! What a challenge! That was my best number! For a long time he showed no interest in anything. But I was determined to somehow pierce that dedicated apathy. Now, I've always found that no man, no matter what his condition, can resist the charm of a small boy. So, I sent my son Theo to him. (THEO's entrance music. The LEADING PLAYER enters carrying THEO and his DUCK)
LEADING PLAYER: Enter Theo. A small lovable boy and his large lovable duck. (LEADING PLAYER snaps his finger and goes)
THEO: (Trying to wake PIPPIN up) Pippin, Pippin, say hello to my duck. (HE pushes the duck into PIPPIN's face)
PIPPIN: How do you do.
THEO: Guess his name.
PIPPIN: Augustus.
THEO: Wrong. His name's Otto. You're not very smart.
PIPPIN: I am smart enough to know that a duck belongs in a pond and not in a bed!
(THEO gives PIPPIN a juicy "raspberry," and then vice-versa. THEO is carried away. PIPPIN tries to go back to sleep)
CATHERINE: (Who has been observing all of this from downstage) Obviously hopeless. Rejecting a small lovable boy like that. Well, I had picked him up off the road. I could throw him back out again. Out he goes! (Goes to PIPPIN, and is again stunned by the beauty of his foot. The anger drains out of her) I'll give him another chance. (To PIPPIN) Pippin, you have been lying in this bed for seven days, now what is the matter with you?
PIPPIN: Nothing you could possible understand:
CATHERINE: Well, try me. Give me a chance. Please. Pippin, please.
PIPPIN: All right. I have this overwhelming need to be completely fulfilled. And it has never ever happened to me so I'm in abject despair.
CATHERINE: And that's it?
PIPPIN: Yes. That's it. Just abject despair.
CATHERINE: (Coming downstage, to audience) Now, you may think that what I did next was scheming and devious. (Turns back to PIPPIN) Pippin, let me tell you something about despair. (SHE points to the conductor and the organ begins to play as if this were the beginning of a soap opera. PIPPIN is surprised by the music and begins to search for its source. CATHERINE sits on the end of the bed and begins speaking) I loved my husband very much. The years we spent together were the happiest years of my life. And then one day he was struck by fever... (Slowly PIPPIN comes down to the end of the bed and watches her) ...and when I felt his hand went cold in mine, I felt my life, too, was over. I was overcome by the deepest despair. I took to my bed for five days. On the sixth day I got up. There were things to be done. An estate to be run. A boy to raise. (The organ plays a grand finish. CATHERINE looks to the audience and smiles. PIPPIN is staring at her. To audience) Well, look at that. I think he's really moved. (PIPPIN reaches out and touches CATHERINE's hand.SHE looks at the hand for a long moment. Then softly, to PIPPIN) Pippin, this is such a large estate. I'm all alone here and I can't possibly do all this work by myself. Couldn't you please help me?
LEADING PLAYER: (enters) HOLD IT! Hold it! JESUS! Actresses! Look, you're supposed to read the line naggingly.
CATHERINE: But he toughed my hand. They don't usually do that.
LEADING PLAYER: I don't care where he puts his hand! Read the line naggingly!
CATHERINE: Naggingly. (SHE turns to PIPPIN and speaks naggingly) Pippin, this is such a large estate. I'm all alone here and I can't possibly do all this work by myself. Couldn't you please help me? (During the above, PIPPIN covers his ears.)
PIPPIN: All right! All right! Anything to shut you up! (HE starts to go) But just for a little while. (Goes. CATHERINE moves downstage and the bed revolves. It is now a tree)
CATHERINE: (To audience) Well, Pippin was finally out of bed and working, and slowly he became part of everything, a part of our everyday life:
**************************************************
EVERYDAY LIFE SECTION
This section is narrated by CATHERINE as SHE observes PIPPIN taking part in the small activities of daily life on an estate.
(A musical vamp begins and PIPPIN enters between TWO MEN dressed as workers. THEY cross the stage rhythmically, mechanically, each with a hoe. Together, THEY move across the stage as if THEY were hoeing the fields. PIPPIN addresses the TWO MEN as CATHERINE watches)
PIPPIN: How often do we do this?
WORKER 1 (Frank Mastrocola): Everyday:
PIPPIN: Everyday?
WORKER 2 (John Mineo): Uh huh.
PIPPIN: (Sees CATHERINE looking at him) Did you say something?
CATHERINE No, no. (SHE goes. PIPPIN looks after her as the TWO MEN go off. Then, to audience)
PIPPIN: I know that look. That's the look of a widow with a small boy and a large estate and nobody to sit at the head of the table. (HE goes)
CATHERINE: (Coming back onstage) Now, for a while, Pippin didn't show much enthusiasm for the work, but as time went on... (PIPPIN and the TWO MEN enter. This time THEY cross the stage in the same rhythmic pattern, only this time THEY have seed bags and are sowing the fields. PIPPIN is totally unenthusiastic, and HE throws the seeds from his bag into the bag of one of the other MEN) ...he showed no enthusiasm at all.
PIPPIN: (Letting the LEADING PLAYER pass him by and sending him off with a pat on the behind, call after them) Keep up the good work, guys. (Seeing CATHERINE watching him) What are you staring at?
CATHERINE: Nothing, nothing. (PIPPIN starts to go) Oh, Pippin, there is something. The roof on the chicken house has sprung a leak. If you could get to it tomorrow...
PIPPIN Wait a minute.
CATHERINE: ...or the day after tomorrow. (SHE goes)
PIPPIN: (To himself) The roof on the chicken house has sprung a leak? (Calling after her) I used to be the emperor of the Holy Roman Empire. (To audience) All right, so I screwed it up. Still... (Sings)
PATCHING THE ROOF AND PITCHING THE HAY IS NOT MY IDEA OF A PERFECT DAY
WHEN YOU'RE EXTRAORDINARY, YOU GOTTA DO EXTRAORDINARY THINGS
I'M NOT THE TYPE WHO LOSES SLEEP OVER THE SIZE OF THE COMPOST HEAP
WHEN YOU'RE EXTRAORDINARY, YOU THINK ABOUT EXTRAORDINARY THINGS
THAT'S THE REASON I'LL NEVER BE THE KIND OF MAN WHO DWELLS
ON HOW MOTHS GOT INTO THE TAPESTRY OR WHY THE DUNGEON SMELLS
OH, IT'S HARD TO FEEL SPECIAL, IT'S HARD TO FEEL BIG FEEDING THE TURTLE AND WALKING THE PIG
IT'S SO SECONDARY TO SOMEONE WHO IS VERY EXTRAORDINARY LIKE ME
IF THE MOAT WON'T STOP LEAKING AND THE GOAT WON'T STOP SHRIEKING AND THE GRIFFIN KEEPS LOSING ITS HAIR
IF THE WEST WING IS ROTTING AND OUR BEST WINE IS CLOTTING WELL, I'M TERRIBLY SORRY BUT I DON'T CARE
I'VE GOT TO BE SOMEONE WHO LIVES ALL OF HIS LIFE IN SUPERLATIVES
WHEN YOU'RE EXTRAORDINARY, YOU GOTTA DO EXTRAORDINARY THINGS
THE FACT THAT I'M DIFFERENT IS EASY TO SEE SO WHY DOESN'T ANYBODY KNOW IT BUT ME?
I'M EXTRAORDINARY, I NEED TO DO EXTRAORDINARY THINGS
EVERY SO OFTEN A MAN HAS HIS DAY HE TRULY CAN CALL HIS
WELL, HERE I AM TO SEIZE MY DAY, IF SOMEONE WOULD JUST TELL ME WHEN THE HELL IT IS
OH GIVE ME MY CHANCE, AND GIVE ME MY WINGS AND DON'T MAKE ME THINK ABOUT EVERYDAY THINGS
THEY'RE UNNECESSARY TO SOMEONE WHO IS VERY EXTRAORDINARY LIKE ME!
(Spoken) I am. I think I am extraordinary. (CATHERINE enters) Well, that's it, boy! I'm leaving. I'm taking off first thing tomorrow!
END OF EVERYDAY LIFE SECTION
*************************************************
CATHERINE: (To audience) And then Theo's duck got sick.
(THEO enters and goes to PIPPIN. HE has his sick duck in his arms)
THEO: Pippin! Pippin, Otto is sick. (During this scene, CATHERINE stands behind PIPPIN and THEO. Her remarks though directed to PIPPIN and THEO, are unheard by them)
PIPPIN: I'm terribly sorry, Theo.
CATHERINE: Pippin, it's the first time he's come to you for help.
THEO: Could you look at him, please?
CATHERINE: Please, Pippin.
PIPPIN: I don't know anything about ducks.
CATHERINE: Oh, Pippin, try.
PIPPIN: Oh, all right. Let me have a look at him now. (HE takes the duck reluctantly and looks at it for a long moment)
CATHERINE: Say something hopeful.
PIPPIN: (Giving his duck back to THEO) This is a very sick duck. There's nothing I can do. (THEO starts to go away with the duck. HE is very sad. PIPPIN looks after him) Oh, yes there is. (Rising to get THEO) Theo, come here. Come right back over here and kneel down beside me, all right? Kneal down right here. OK. (PIPPIN and THEO kneeling next to one another, pray)
CATHERINE: It was like a painting.
PIPPIN: Dear God. (chuckle) I know this is going to sound ridiculous, but his boy loves this duck: (Sings)
HIS BREATH HAS EBBED, HIS PULSE IS LOW, HIS FEET ARE WEBBED, BUT EVEN SO, YOU MUST KNOW
THAT ALTHOUGH OUR TEARS ARE POISED TO BURST, WE'VE KEPT OUR FAITH WARM THROUGH THE WORST
WE HAVEN'T CURSED OUR LUCK OR RUN AMUCK.
TO PRAYERS WE'VE STUCK. PLEASE REWARD OUR PLUCK AND SAVE THIS DUCK.
CATHERINE: (To audience) They prayed all day. And then, just after sunset... (Light goes out on the duck as he dies.)
PIPPIN: I'm sorry, Theo. (THEO obviously heartbroken, takes the duck in his arms and goes) Theo, we'll go to the pond and get another duck. Theo, you'll love it just as much. (But this has no effect. THEO is gone. PIPPIN turns to CATHERINE) Why did the goddamn duck have to die? (HE goes)
CATHERINE: (To audience) And then, an interesting thing happened. Theo plunged himself into monumental despair. While on the other hand, Pippin, that Prince of Despair, dedicated himself to raising the boy's spirits. (THEO enters with his head way down looking very sad. PIPPIN enters following THEO and a little too cheerful)
PIPPIN: Theo! Hey, Theo, look, we're going out to thrash some grain today and we sure could use another good man. You want to come and give us a helping hand? (THEO exits paying no attention) Another time, maybe. OK. (Goes)
CATHERINE: But Pippin showed remarkable persistence. When one thing failed, he tried another.
PIPPIN: (From offstage) Theo! Hey, Theo. (THEO enters whittling a stick. PIPPIN enters on a pair of stilts) Want to be the tallest little boy in the world? (Walking on the stilts to where THEO is sitting) Fee, fie, foe, fum. I smell the blood of an Englishman. (HE gets off stilts and offers them to THEO) Lookit, Theo, I made you a pair of stilts. Come on, I'll help you up. Theo, you can really have a good time with these. Theo... (THEO rises and crosses downstage where HE sits with his back toward PIPPIN. Seeing that it's no use, PIPPIN takes the stilts and goes upstage behind the tree)
CATHERINE: (to audience) Well, most men would have given up. But Pippin, with amazing perseverance tried yet another way. (PIPPIN enters from behind the tree. This time HE has a small baby lamb)
PIPPIN: Theo! Hey, Theo. You'll never guess what I have for you this time. Now don't turn around, because 'm going to bring it right down to you, OK? (HE goes to THEO) And when I count to three, you can turn around. One! Two! Three! Look! (THEO turns around. Looks at the lamb, then at PIPPIN)
THEO: That's not a duck, dummy! (HE goes)
PIPPIN: (Dejectedly) Did I say it was a duck? (To the lamb) Yeah, go on. You were a flop. (PIPPIN exits with the lamb. HE comes back on shaking his head apologetically and crosses the stage. As HE passes CATHERINE, SHE stops him and pulls him close to her.) Pippin flops again.
CATHERINE: You're the most wonderful flop I've ever seen.
PIPPIN: Yeah? Thank you.
CATHERINE: Thank you. [SHE takes his face in her hands and kisses him tenderly. Romantic music creeps in. Now, touching for the first time in this way, THEY look at each other in a new way. CATHERINE kisses PIPPIN again, and this time HE responds. The tree revolves upstage, and becomes a bed again. CATHERINE and PIPPIN, looking at each other, go up to either side of the bed. As THEY do, the lights fade and the music changes tone: from romantic to corny passionate. Then TWO DANCERS, a MAN (Charles Ward) and a WOMAN (Deborah Phelan) appear at opposite sides of the stage. THEY are scantily dressed and THEY execute seductive, erotic movements directed at each other. Finally, as the music reaches a climax, the WOMAN, full of confidence, makes an extraordinary leap for the MAN. The MAN misjudges the angle of the leap and bungles the catch. THEY BOTH fall to the ground in an ungainly sprawl. Lights come up on the bed. PIPPIN and CATHERINE are sitting up. THEY are grim)
PIPPIN: (After a long pause) I'm sorry.
CATHERINE: I'm sorry.
PIPPIN: It was my fault.
CATHERINE: No, it was my fault. It's been such a a long time for me.
PIPPIN: I just forgot. (THEY are silent for a moment) Oh, you know what I think...
CATHERINE: Yes?
PIPPIN: It'll be better.
CATHERINE: (Hopefully) Next time?
PIPPIN: Next time. (Lights down on the bed. The TWO DANCERS return and execute a similar dance. Again the music reaches a climax and the WOMAN prepares for the extraordinary leap. The MAN braces to catch her. The WOMAN is in the air and this time the MAN catches her with effortless grace. Lights up on the bed. PIPPIN and CATHERINE are sitting up, smiling broadly. The bed revolves into the tree and the LEADING PLAYER comes from behind it and addresses the audience)
LEADING PLAYER: Look, I think we're gonna skip part of this. Nothing much happens. A little bit of this, a little bit of that... (And then referring to the bed upstage) ...a whole lot of that. (PIPPIN and CATHERINE come around the bed now, and start to move downstage) But, the season changed as it always does. Pages fell off the calendar, and blew away in the wind. And then it happened. Suddenly, shamelessly and without warning, at it must in all musical comedies, they were struck by...a love song. (CATHERINE and PIPPIN are seated on the floor center stage. The LEADING PLAYER goes)
PIPPIN: (Sings) SITTING ON THE FLOOR AND TALKING 'TIL DAWN
CATHERINE: CANDLES AND CONFIDENCES
PIPPIN: TRADING OLD BELIEFS AND HUMMING OLD SONGS
CATHERINE: AND LOWERING OLD DEFENSES
PIPPIN: SING A
BOTH: LOVE SONG - LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA, LOVE SONG - LA LA LA LA
PIPPIN: PRIVATE LITTLE JOKES AND SILLY PET NAMES
CATHERINE: LAVENDAR SOAP AND LOTIONS
PIPPIN: ALL OF THE CLICHES AND ALL OF THE GAMES
CATHERINE: AND ALL OF THE STRANGE EMOTIONS
PIPPIN: SINGING A
BOTH: LOVE SONG - LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA, LOVE SONG - LA LA LA LA LA
PIPPIN: THEY SAY THE WHOLE IS GREATER
BOTH: THAN THE SUM OF THE PARTS IT'S MADE OF
PIPPIN: WELL IF IT'S TRUE OF ANYTHING
BOTH: IT'S TRUE OF LOVE
PIPPIN: CAUSE HOW CAN YOU DEFINE A LOOK OR A TOUCH?
CATHERINE: HOW CAN YOU WEIGH A FEELING?
PIPPIN: TAKEN BY THEMSELVES NOW THEY DON'T MEAN MUCH
BOTH: TOGETHER THEY SEND YOU REELING
PIPPIN: INTO A
BOTH: LOVE SONG - LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA, LOVE SONG - LA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA
CATHERINE: (Spoken) Close your eyes.
PIPPIN: Why?
CATHERINE: Because we've got a surprise for you. (THEO, who has entered quietly, now runs to PIPPIN and throws his arms around PIPPIN's neck)
THEO: We've got a surprise!
CATHERINE AND THEO: We've got a surprise!
(The tree-unit revolves, and this time the bed has been converted into a dining-room table set with dishes and food. From the wings, a few of the PLAYERS enter with stools and place them around the table. After this is done, THEY exit. CATHERINE helps PIPPIN up and leads PIPPIN up to the table. THEO clings to PIPPIN)
CATHERINE: Keep your eyes closed, Pippin. Now no peeking.
PIPPIN: I usually don't like surprises.
CATHERINE: Well, you'll like this one. (THEY have reached the table,
and CATHERINE and THEO help PIPPIN to a seat)
PIPPIN:Can I open my eyes, please?
CATHERINE: Yes, now you can. (PIPPIN opens his eyes. CATHERINE uncovers a dish and lights the contents) Quince pudding flambe! Oh, I haven't made it for years, but I thought that, for this special occasion...
PIPPIN: What special occasion?
CATHERINE: Well, six months ago today... (Pause) ...you arrived here. So Theo and I thought that we would celebrate with a little party. So I made this, and Theo made you a flute.
THEO: (Handing the flute to PIPPIN) Here. It's a flute
PIPPIN: I don't know what to say.
CATHERINE: Well, let me say something then. (Pause) In the six months that you've been with us, a lot of water has flowed under the dam. 
LEADING PLAYER: (rises from under the table) Over the dam. Water flows over the dam.
CATHERINE: I'm sorry, I seem to be a little confused.
LEADING PLAYER: Yeah, I can see that. You try sticking to the part.
CATHERINE: I will, I will. In the six months that you've been with us, a lot of water has flowed over the dam. And in that six months, you've come to mean a great deal to me, to us. to our very ordinary lives. And so, I just want to say for Theo, and for me, we're really glad you're here. And now, Pippin, now we have so many good years ahead of us. Oh, Pippin. Sit here. Sit here. Right at the head of the table. (SHE and THEO move PIPPIN to the head of the table. PIPPIN sits very reluctantly) Isn't this wonderful. Well, isn't anybody going to eat my pudding?
THEO: I am! (CATHERINE starts to dish out the pudding. PIPPIN rises suddenly, and goes downstage)
PIPPIN: I've got to get out of here.
CATHERINE: (Going to him) Pippin, what's the matter?
PIPPIN: I just can't stay here.
CATHERINE: I don't understand.
PIPPIN: Because I've gotta go.
CATHERINE: Go?
PIPPIN: Yes, I've gotta go.
CATHERINE: Why?
PIPPIN: Because this is not enough. Life is more than ducks that die, and leaking roofs, and flaming quince pudding!
CATHERINE: Are you sure?
PIPPIN: Yes I'm sure. And I am not going to be stuck doing the same damn thing every day...
CATHERINE: ...and night?
PIPPIN: Don't you see, there has to be something more than this. There has to be. I know that there is. (sings) RIVERS BELONG WHERE THEY CAN RAMBLE
EAGLES BELONG WHERE THEY CAN FLY
I'VE GOT TO BE WHERE MY SPIRIT CAN RUN FREE
GOTTA FIND MY CORNER -
CATHERINE: (To audience as if a litany, learned by rote) I loved my husband very much. And then one day he was struck by...struck by...I can't remember my next line. What is it? (PIPPIN goes.) Something's going on. It's not supposed to be like this! Pippin, I really want you to stay! I love you, Pippin! I love you. (The lights begin to go out on her) Could you hold the light for a minute please? (The light comes back on) Thank you. (SHE sings)
I GUESS I'LL MISS THE MAN EXPLAIN IT IF YOU CAN HIS FACE WAS FAR FROM MINE (Music begins quietly under)
BUT STILL I'LL MISS HIS FACE AND WONDER IF HE'S MISSING MINE.
(The LEADING PLAYER enters behind the scrim. As SHE continues to sing ALL of the PLAYERS, one by one, enter behind the scrim watching her)
SOME DAYS HE WOULDN'T SAY A PLEASANT WORD ALL DAY SOME DAYS HE'D SCOWL AND CURSE
BUT THERE WERE OTHER DAYS WHEN HE WAS REALLY EVEN WORSE
SOME MEN ARE HEROES, SOME MEN OUTSHINE THE SUN SOME MEN ARE SIMPLE, GOOD MEN, THIS MAN WASN'T ONE
AND I WON'T MISS HIS MOODS, HIS GLOOMY SOLITUDES, HIS BLUNT ABRASIVE STYLE
BUT PLEASE DON'T GET ME WRONG, HE WAS THE BEST TO COME ALONG, IN A LONG, LONG WHILE:
(Spoken) And the arch of his foot really was in a class by itself. (SHE goes. The stage is in darkness. We hear the same orchestral vamp that we heard at the beginning of the show. The light curtain comes on and we see ALL the PLAYERS standing on it singing the low crooning vocal wail. At the end of which THEY bow. PIPPIN is sitting downstage on the floor, looking very discouraged. The PLAYERS move in around him.)
LEADING PLAYER: Well, Pippin, I guess you finally realize what we knew from the beginning.
PIPPIN: What's that?
CHARLES: That your search for perfection and fulfillment was doomed from the start.
FASTRADA: Nothing ever turns out the way you think it's going to:
LEWIS: It's all flawed in one way or another.
A PLAYER (Tom Batten): Isn't that true?
LEADING PLAYER: Nothing has been completely fulfilling now, has it, Pippin? Has it?
PIPPIN: No. (THEY ALL laugh quietly and nod) I guess there's nothing.
LEADING PLAYER: (Laughing) Wait, wait a minute! There is something.
PIPPIN: There is? (THEY ALL nod and adlib "Oh, yes") What?
LEADING PLAYER: The only completely perfect act in our repertoire: the finale!
ALL: (Screaming and clapping) The finale!
(A FEW of the PLAYERS bring on a large set piece which is the trick fire-box. The LEADING PLAYER claps and the PLAYER with the torch
who appeared briefly in the opening jumps on)
PLAYER (John Mineo): Now?
LEADING PLAYER: Now.
(The PLAYER with the torch goes upstage to the box. Another PLAYER (Frank Mastrocola) steps inside the box. A cloth is held up in front of the box which reads "PIPPIN'S GRAND FINALE". The PLAYER with the torch sets fire to a dummy inside the box who is supposed to be a man. The cloth is lowered. We see the dummy burn. After it burns, the cloth is brought up again and the PLAYER steps in front of it. It is a very realistic and frightening trick, and when it is over the TROUPE applauds)
ALL: Ta da!
PIPPIN: That's the finale? But that was just a trick.
LEADING PLAYER: When he does it, it's just a trick. But when you do it, it'll be for real.
PIPPIN: When I do it? (HE looks around at ALL the PLAYERS. THEY nod "Yes" to PIPPIN) You mean you want me to get into that box and set myself on fire? (The PLAYERS begin to close in on PIPPIN) Wait a minute...
CHARLES: You will step into that flame, Pippin:
LEADING PLAYER: Become part of that flame.
A PLAYER (John Mineo): Be enfulfed by that flame.
A PLAYER (Lee Mathis): Become flame itself. (THEY are ALL around PIPPIN now)
LEADING PLAYER: And for one moment shine with unequalled brilliance.
CHARLES: And in that flame you'll become a glorious synthesis of life and death.
FASTRADA: And life again.
LEADING PLAYER: Why, the final afformation of life: Death! (Turns to the audience) Ladies and gentlemen: presenting the Great Pippin, in our grand finale never before seen on a public stage! (A drum roll begins and THEY ALL applaud wildly:THEY are ecstatic with pleasure at the thought of PIPPIN burning himself)
PIPPIN: Stop! Stop! Stop that! (THEY stop. The drum roll stops) If this finale is so spectacular, why don't one of you do it?
LEADING PLAYER: (After a long pause) Cute. Now, that's just really cute. But we're just ordinary run-of-the-mill people. Just your everyday men and women who keep this old world spinning. Hell, we're nothing. (THEY ALL begin to close in on PIPPIN again) But you, Pippin, you're an extraordinary human being with extraordinary aspirations and dreams.
A PLAYER (Frank Mastrocola): You deserve an extraordinary climax.
LEWIS: An unparalleled finale.
LEADING PLAYER: It's everything you've been looking for.
A PLAYER (Tom Batten): Your dream!
FASTRADA: Perfection!
CHARLES: Perfection like the sun blazing in the sky!
LEADING PLAYER: The sun at its zenith! (Now the song begins, led by the LEADING PLAYER, later joined by ALL. PIPPIN stares into the flame, reluctant at first, but slowly becoming carried away by the music and the fire)
THINK ABOUT THE SUN, PIPPIN. THINK ABOUT HER GOLDEN GLANCE
HOW SHE LIGHTS THE WORLD UP. WELL, NOT IT'S YOUR CHANCE
WITH THE GUARDIAN OF SPLENDOR INVITING YOU TO DANCE
PIPPIN, THINK ABOUT THE SUN
ALL: (Adlib, whispering, beckoning PIPPIN to the fire-box) Now, Pippin. Come on, Pippin. It's ready.
LEADING PLAYER: Pippin. Pippin, it's time. Look. You're not gonna disappoint all these people ay $25/seat, now are you?
PIPPIN: Well, look, it's just that if this isn't it, I'm going to have a tough time trying something else.
CHARLES: Pippin, you lack a certain amount of poise.
A PLAYER (Charles Ward): Think of the radiance.
A PLAYER (Joanie O'Neill): Remember the beauty.
LEWIS: Admiring glances.
A PLAYER (Tom Batten): Thunderous applause. The audience will love it!
CHARLES: Think of the word-of-mouth.
LEADING PLAYER (Sings) THINK ABOUT YOUR LIFE, PIPPIN
FASTRADA: DAYS ARE TAME AND NIGHTS THE SAME
LEADING PLAYER: NOW THINK ABOUT THE BEAUTY
LEADING PLAYER AND FASTRADA: IN ONE PERFECT FLAME
(As the REST of the PLAYERS join in the song, the final set comes in. It is a backdrop which looks like the sun, shining and brilliant, with angels on it)
AND THE ANGELS OF THE MORNING ARE CALLING OUR YOUR NAME
ALL: PIPPIN...
LEADING PLAYER: THINK ABOUT THE
ALL: SUN
FASTRADA: (Spoken) More lights, perhaps?
LEADING PLAYER: You want more lights? Let's give this angel some light!
(HE claps. The lights go on and now the lighting would do justice to only Christ on the cross: super-religious and dramatic. The music becomes rhythmic, insistent. The PLAYERS add tambourines)
ALL: (Singing again)
THINK ABOUT YOUR LIFE, PIPPIN. THINK ABOUT THE DREAMS YOU PLANNED
THINK ABOUT THE MOMENT THAT'S SO CLOSE AT HAND
WHEN THE POWER AND THE GLORY ARE THERE AT YOUR COMMAND
PIPPIN, THINK ABOUT YOUR LIFE
(The tambourines increase their jiggling, the singing becomes louder and wider)
THINK ABOUT THE SUN, PIPPIN. THINK ABOUT HER GOLDEN GLANCE
HOW SHE LIGHT THE WORLD UP. WELL, NOW IT'S YOUR CHANCE
WITH THE GUARDIANS OF SPLENDOR INVITING YOU TO DANCE
PIPPIN, THINK ABOUT THE SUN
(In the course of the following verse, the unison breaks into harmony. PIPPIN is slowly becoming part of their rhythmic gyrations, his resistance getting lower and lower)
THINK ABOUT YOUR LIFE, PIPPIN, THINK ABOUT THE DREAMS YOU PLANNED
THINK ABOUT THE MOMENT THAT'S SO CLOSE AT HAND
WHEN THE POWER AND THE GLORY ARE THERE AT YOUR COMMAND
WHEN THE POWER AND THE GLORY ARE THERE AT YOUR COMMAND
WHEN THE POWER AND THE GLORY ARE THERE AT YOUR COMMAND
PIPPIN, THINK ABOUT YOUR LIFE (PIPPIN has the torch now. HE looks at it as though in a trance, as the LEADING PLAYER beckons him toward the fire-box and the PLAYERS sing)
RIVERS BELONG WHERE THEY CAN RAMBLE, EAGLES BELONG WHERE THEY CAN FLY.
(PIPPIN runs up to a PLAYER (John Mineo) and gives back the torch. Adlib, whispering, beckoning, calling to him: "Pippin, Pippin. Now, Pippin, now. Come on, Pippin")
PIPPIN: NO!!! (PIPPIN covers his ears and the noise stops. The PLAYERS FREEZE. Sings)
I'M NOT A RIVER OR A GIANT BIRD THAT SOARS TO THE SEA
AND IF I'M NEVER TIED TO ANYTHING I'LL NEVER BE FREE
(CATHERINE and THEO enter form behind the fire-box. Slowly, PIPPIN turns to them and goes toward them)
LEADING PLAYER: (To CATHERINE) What the hell are you doing out here? (to PIPPIN) Pippin? Pippin, where are you going? Come on, cut out the nonsense! The finale, Pippin, the finale.
ALL: (Adlib) The finale, Pippin, the finale. (PIPPIN takes CATHERINE and THEO by the hand. THEY stand together)
LEADING PLAYER: We promised these people a great finale!
A PLAYER (Tom Batten): Coward!
FASTRADA: Compromiser!
ALL: Compromiser!
LEADING PLAYER: (to CATHERINE) I might've known you'd screw things up! You and that damn lovable kid of yours. All right. All right! You'll see what it's like without us. Take away the set. All the sets! Everything out. (The set begins to move out) Colored lights out. Take 'em out. Phil. Well, now, that's not too flattering is it, Pippin? (The lighting becomes harsh. PIPPIN does not answer) Make-up off! Costumes off! Get that wig off her head now! (The PLAYERS strip CATHERINE, PIPPIN, and THEO, leaving them in black tights. They a;sp remove make up and CATHERINE's wig.) Look around, Pippin. How do things look to you now, Pippin? Huh?! Mole! She has a mole on her face! You're going to spend the rest of your life with a woman with a mole?! And this kid is gonna whine 24 hours a day! "Oh, gimme this! Oh, gimme that!" Don't do this to us! Is this what you want, baby? No costumes, no make-up, no colored lights. And no magic! (HE tries to leave but FASTRADA directs him to the audience) Ladies and Gentlemen, we apologize for the inability to bring you our grand finale. It seems our extraordinary young man has elected to compromise his aspirations. Now, I know there are many of you out there, extraordinary people, exceptional people, who would gladly trade your ordinary lives for the opportunity to do one perfect act - our grand finale. Now, if you should decide to do so, we'll be there for you, waiting, anytime you want us, why, we're right inside your heads, and we promise you sets, costumes, magic, and a short - but - spectacular career! (THEY ALL look out to the audience, singling out people and asking them to come with them) OK, OK. That's it! Out. Let's go. (The PLAYERS go) Take out the rest of the lights. (Lights go out. A STAGE MANAGER brings a work light out) Orchestra, pack up your fiddles, your horns, your guitars. Let's get the truck. Let's go. (Then to the pianist) Take your damn hands off that keyboard! (Piano stops. It is silent. Then, to PIPPIN) You try singing without music, sweetheart! (The LEADING PLAYER goes. The stage is dark except for the work light. PIPPIN, CATHERINE, and THEO are alone on stage. PIPPIN sings without music)
PIPPIN: I WANTED MAGIC SHOWS AND MIRACLES, MIRAGES TO TOUCH
I WANTED SUCH A LITTLE THING FROM LIFE, I WANTED SO MUCH.
CATHERINE: Pippin, do you feel that you've compromised?
PIPPIN: No.
CATHERINE: Do you feel like a coward?
PIPPIN: No.
CATHERINE: Well, then, how do you feel?
PIPPIN: Trapped... (HE looks from one to the other and smiles) ...which isn't too bad for the end of a musical comedy. Ta da!
(They bow as the CURTAIN comes down)