Hammer of the Gods

Hammer of the Gods is the thirtieth episode of Cult of Squid. It aired May 15th, 2020 and was written by Purple133. This was also the first episode to be produced by Purple TV. 
== Plot ==
A deranged Noseward abducts Plankton to force him to summon a bunch of pagan gods to help the cult beat Satan.
== Transcript ==
(Episode opens with Noseward having another vision)
'''
Noseward: Huh? Where am I?
'''
Candy Muffin: WELCOME BACK!
'''
Noseward: Oh no.  
'''
Candy Muffin: WHAT DO YOU MEAN OH NO? THIS IS A VISION!
'''
Noseward: Stop, stop, STOP!
'''
Candy Muffin: NO!
'''
Voice: Noseward, heed this warning. 21 days hath you to prepare for what’s to come.
'''
Noseward: What’s to come?
'''
Voice: The war.
'''
Noseward: Oh no not another war. You know what I’m crazy I keep having these stupid visions and I don’t even know if they’re real. I’m leaving.
'''
(Noseward wakes up)
'''
Noseward: I’ve got to do something about this. Everybody’s so obsessed with beating Satan. Hmmm. Wait a second I know!
'''
(Noseward grabs a dusty old cult book with an image of Thor’s hammer on it)
'''
Noseward: Well, here goes nothing.
'''
(Noseward goes to the cult garage and gets into his boat; he drives to a remote location outside of Bikini Bottom)
'''
Noseward: Do you have the books?
'''
Plankton: Yeah, got them from the Chum Bucket basement.
'''
Noseward: Cool.
'''
(Noseward suddenly grabs Plankton and the books, throws them into his boat, and hops in)
'''
Plankton: Noseward what the hell are you doing?
'''
Noseward: Whatever it takes to ensure my own safety when Satan hits us with all his power.
'''
Plankton: You’re insane!
'''
Noseward: You try living with visions of insanity every night. 
'''
Plankton: Fair enough.
'''
(Noseward pulls into the cult’s garage, and brings Plankton into the currently empty throne room)
'''
Noseward: Well, summon a pagan god!
'''
Plankton: You do know these books were just collector’s editions from the local bookstore right-
'''
Noseward: DO IT!
'''
Plankton: Fine, I’ll try. But when it doesn’t work, take me home.
'''
(Plankton opens the book with Loki’s scepter on it and suddenly Loki appears)
'''
Plankton: Wait what the-
'''
Loki: Is that my brother Thor’s book?
'''
(Loki points toward the book Noseward is clinging on to)
'''
Noseward: Uh yes.
'''
Loki: Give it.
'''
Noseward: No.
'''
Loki: (takes book from Noseward after teleporting next to him) okay. Hmmmm. What shall I do with this?
'''
(Loki tries to set the book on fire but it fails as they are underwater)
'''
Loki: Dammit physics you win this round.
'''
Noseward: Can we use that to summon your brother?
'''
Loki: So be it.
'''
(Plankton reads the spell in the marked page of the book and Thor appears in a crack of lightning, causing Squidward to wake up and enter the main chamber)
'''
Squidward: WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE?!
'''
Thor: you dare BARK AT ME IN THAT TONE?!
'''
Squidward: Yes, I’m the one in charge here. Now who are you two?
'''
Thor: I am Thor, son of Odin.
'''
Loki: I’m Loki, also son of Odin.
'''
Thor: Brother? What are you doing here?
'''
Loki: I was about to ask you the same.
'''
Noseward: PLANKTON SUMMON MORE!
'''
Plankton: You only had two books!
'''
Noseward: [dolphin noises]
'''
Loki: So brother what do you suppose these mortals want?
'''
Thor: They probably think they can control us.
'''
Noseward: Well i was going to politely ask you to join my cult’s war against Satan.
'''
Thor: Satan? Nahhhh. He has nothing on me, the God of Thunder!
'''
Squidward: Cool. Noseward do you mind explaining what any of this is?
'''
Noseward: Well uh you see I kinda sorta summoned Norse gods to help fight Satan.
'''
Squidward: Oh, okay.
'''
Thor: Hello there squid, nice to meet you!
'''
Squidward: Noseward this one scares me.
Plankton: That’s Thor himself Squidward!
'''
Squidward: Why are you here?
'''
Plankton: Noseward abducted me.
'''
Squidward: Noseward?
'''
Noseward: We need to beat Satan no matter what, right?
'''
Squidward: I’m too tired for this. Carry on.
'''
Loki: This is a very peculiar building we’re in. 
'''
Thor: What is this place brother?
'''
Loki: By gods, I think it’s a cult!
'''
Thor: A cult? A CULT?!
'''
Loki: Thor calm down-
'''
Thor: UNACCEPTABLE! I REFUSE TO STAND WITHIN THE HALLS OF A CULT LOCATION!
'''
Squidward: Hey I’ll have you know this is a FINE establishment. 
'''
Thor: Is it?!
'''
Squidward: Yes.
'''
Thor: Oh, okay then.
'''
Plankton: Can I go now?
Noseward: Sure.
'''
Loki: *under his breath* time to have a little fun.
'''
(Loki teleports behind Noseward and taps him in the head, which takes control of him; he makes Noseward hit Thor)
'''
Thor: MORTAL! YOU DARE TO HIT THE ALL POWERFUL THOR?!
'''
Noseward: *back in control of his own mine* huh?
'''
Thor: PREPARE TO FACE MY WRATH!
'''
(A literal thunderstorm begins to form within the hall, sweeping Plankton away)
'''
Loki: Hahahahahaha! I’m having such a good day. Thank you for freeing me! Thank you eternally! 
'''
Plankton: NOSEWARD YOU GUYS HAVE TO GET THE BOOKS SO I CAN PULL THEM BACK!
'''
Squidward: I’m not Noseward, he’s unconscious.
'''
Plankton: When did that happen?
'''
(15 seconds earlier)
'''
Noseward: Hey this is a funny looking mushroom growing from the floor!
'''
(Present)
'''
Plankton: Ohhhhhh-
'''
Squidward: Which book?
'''
Plankton: Both of them, hurry!
'''
Thor: YOU ARE ALL ABOUT TO FEEL THE TRUE POWER OF THE GOD OF THUNDER!
'''
(Plankton gets struck by lightning)
'''
Plankton: CURSES!
'''
(Squidward grabs the books but Plankton is in no shape to reach them and read)
'''
Squidward: Now what?
'''
Plankton: Read the spells and pull them back!
'''
Loki: I don’t think that will be happening today boys.
'''
(Loki flicks the books out of Squidward’s hands and takes them over to himself)
Loki: Let’s see. Hmmmm..say did you guys know how many other gods could be summoned right now? Frey, Freya, ODIN, this list keeps going!
'''
Squidward: More Norse gods?
'''
Loki: Oh yes, I’m going to bring my whole “fake family” here. You guys woke me up, and being the god of mischief, I intend to cause some mischief.
'''
(The Initiator ex. machina)
'''
The Initiator: Hey guys, what’s going on here?
'''
Squidward: A lot. By the way where did you even come from?
'''
The Initiator: I’m assuming you want me to grab the books right?
'''
Plankton: Hey why did you dodge his qu-
'''
(Thor strikes Plankton with another lightning bolt while the Initiator walks up to Loki, and takes the books)
'''
Squidward: That seemed easy.
'''
The Initiator: I’m gonna read these neat spell things!
'''
(The Initiator reads Thor’s spell and Thor begins to get sucked back into the book)
'''
Thor: OH NOOOOOOO!
'''
Loki: Brother!
'''
(The Initiator reads Loki’s spell)
'''
Loki: Crap!
'''
(Loki gets sucked into his book)
'''
Noseward: (wakes up) what happened?
'''
The Initiator: I just beat Loki and Thor.
'''
Squidward: That seemed way too easy. Like I know sometimes these things seem simple but c’mon.
(Cut to a snowy valley somewhere up north where Loki is sitting)
'''
Loki: Those fools seem to forget I am the god of mischief! And now, I’m free. Free to do whatever I want in these barren lands. Mwuahahahahahahaha!
(Episode ends)
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