Baumannatorium, A Serious House on Serious Earth/Script

The special starts on a Friday morning, with Ben (in his pajamas) eating Frosted Flakes and watching cartoons. Ben's dad comes in.
(Ben's Dad): Ben, what are you doing?
(Ben): Research, dad. I'm watching cartoons so I can find a costume for Halloween.
(Ben's Dad): Why don't you just go as one of your aliens?
(Ben): That's lazy, dad. I want a good costume.
(Ben's Dad): ok man i was just trying to help jeez
(Ben): And what are you going as, dad?
(Ben's Dad): A gangsta. So I guess I don't have to change my outfit!
Ben's Dad walks out with posse of hoes and bad-ass mothafuckas while "Straight Outta Compton" plays. Ben looks confused.
Cut to the Baumannatorium. Ferrick is helping Baumann decorate the place with Halloween decorations. 
(Baumann): Hey Ferrick, come look at this!
Ferrick comes to look at that, the that being a dead body.
(Ferrick): Oh my god. That's so scary. I'm wetting myself right now. I can't even. I can't. OMG.
(Baumann): Looks real, huh? 
(Ferrick): Man, Baumann, you always throw the scariest Halloween parties.
(Baumann): This is just the beginning, Ferrick. I'm going all out this year. This is gonna be Junior's first Bau-lloween party, so I have to make it the scariest party ever so he'll never come again. 
(Ferrick): What, you want to avoid spending time with your son?
(Baumann): Of course not, it's just that my Bau-lloween parties are a little too... adult for him. With all the jello-shots and slutty nurses and all that. He's been so curious about my parties for years, but after tonight he'll just go trick-or-treating like a normal kid.
(Ferrick): Or could just tell them your parties are too adult for him.
(Baumann): Shut up. Anyway, where is Rook? He said he would bring me some pumpkins from his yard. 
Rook comes crashing into the store.
(Baumann): ROOK!
(Rook): I got you your pumpkins, Iggy. What do you need them for?
(Baumann): Halloween, obviously. 
(Rook): Halloween? 
(Baumann): It's a holiday, you idiot. Kids dress up in costumes and go door-to-door to ask for candy, while adults put on sexy costumes and drink a lot.
(Rook): Sounds... stimulating. My apologies, Ignacius, holidays are still new to me. 
(Baumann): Well, how about I help you get used to them? Come to the party tonight. Have some drinks, some laughs, and end up wiser.
(Rook): Sounds like fun. Should I put on a costume? 
(Baumann): Well, yeah, it's a costume party. What are you, a moron?
(Rook): Your constant shifting from nice to mean confuses me. I'm leaving.
Rook walks to the entrance, but he comes across the dead body. He yelps and falls on the floor.
(Rook): A... a dead body! There's a dead body here!
(Ferrick): It's just a decoration.
(Rook): Really? Oh, thank Gabe. But why would you want to decorate your store with a dead body?
(Baumann): For Halloween, how many times do I have to explain this? Halloween is about scary and spooky stuff, but it's all fake.
(Rook): Fake, right... fake...
Cut to Albedo in his cell. Eon warps in. 
(Eon): So what should we do for Halloween?
(Albedo): I have an idea for the perfect costume, Eon. My arch-nemesis, Ben Tennyson!
(Eon): I dunno, you don't have the face for him.
(Albedo): are you kidding me
Eon warps the both of them to the inside of Electricians Incorporated. 
(Albedo): An abandoned building? A perfect place to start our operation. 
(Eon): I wouldn't really call it an operation, it's just a costume.
(Albedo): The costume of a lifetime! I'm gonna pose as Tennyson, and ruin him. 
(Eon): Another evil plan? Albedo, I thought you changed. 
(Albedo): Well, apparently I didn't. Now, do your thing.
Eon uses his space-time warping powers to disguise Albedo as Ben.
(Albedo): Incredible! I even have his terrible Pikltrix. Your powers are impressive, Eon.
(Eon): If you liked that, check this!
Eon turns into a Synthroid. 
(Albedo): Neat.
Meanwhile, at Ben's house, Ben gets into his He-Man costume while Looma puts on her Dorothy costume. The doorbell rings. Ben answers the door. It's Albedo.
(Ben): ...Wow, that is one accurate costume.
Albedo knocks Ben out with a taser, and throws his unconscious body into the bushes. Albedo walks inside.
(Albedo): Hello, mate of mine. 
(Looma): Why did you take off your costume?
(Albedo): My costume? Oh, I, uhh-- I'm using an alien as a costume.
(Looma): well, alright then. 
Albedo tries to turn into an alien with the Pikltrix, but it farts.
(Albedo): What the--? Where is my Albedo-- I mean, BenPikl form?
(Looma): You don't have BenPikl, honey. I remember because you kept crying about it after Ben 420 visited.
(Albedo): Well, fine, I'll just go as myself with my... bloated wife.
(Looma): Oh Ben, you know how much I love my curves!
Looma gives Albedo a big smooch.
(Looma): Now, let's go to the party, big boy.
Looma gives Albedo a slap on the bottom and gets into the car.
(Albedo): That was... incredible. Not even Eon can kiss with such... rough passion. 
Albedo gets into the car and they drive off. Ben climbs out of the bushes.
(Ben): Albedo! I'm getting that son of a bitch!
Ben tries to turn into an alien, but the Pikltrix farts.
(Ben): He blocked my Pikltrix!? That's it, I'm kicking his ass back to that Frosted Flakes planet!
Ben calls Azmuth on Skype.
(Ben): Azmuth, Albedo is posing as me! He blocked me from using aliens and he's going to Baumann's Halloween party with Looma!
(Azmuth): Baumann's Halloween party is tonight? Thanks for the reminder.
(Ben): stay focused!
(Azmuth): An Omnimatrix block has to be undone manually. Meet me at the party
(Ben): Okiedokie.
Meanwhile, in the car with Albedo and Looma...
While Looma drives, can't stop staring at his rack. Looma catches him staring.
(Looma): Eyes on the prize, eh? 
(Albedo): What? Oh, I 'm sorry, it's just... your body... it's hypnotizing.
(Looma): Ben, you're horny a lot, but this is a new level of horny. This is fraternity horny.
(Albedo): My apologies, Lorna.
(Looma): Looma. 
(Albedo): ...I know that.
Looma and Albedo arrive at the party. You can hear loud music, so obviously it's already in progress. 
(Albedo): Do excuse me, Looma, I have to go smoke a cigarette. 
(Looma): Since when do you smoke cigarettes?
(Albedo): I mean, uhh... marijuana.
(Looma): That's more like you.
Albedo hides around a corner, and calls Eon.
(Albedo): Eon, this is just make-up, right?
(Eon): I thought you wanted to be Ben Tennyson? I turned you into Ben Tennyson!
(Albedo): TURNED? I'm actually in his body!? That explains my love for his meaty woman and... chili fries.
(Eon): NO! No no no, Albedo! Not chili fries again! Don't give into temptation! I know you, if you give in, there's no stopping you!
(Albedo): You did this to me, you disgusting cross-time freak!
(Eon): Good lord, you even have Tennyson's hatred of me!
(Albedo): It's getting worse! I have to ruin this party before I go 100% Ben!
Albedo ends the call. Meanwhile, Rook is outside, looking at the decorations of evil pumpkins and cobwebs. He's super spooped. Albedo walks by him.
(Rook): Ben! Ben, you gotta do something! There's evil pumpkins everywhere, we gotta save Baumann's party!
Albedo hits Rook over the head.
(Albedo): They're decorations, you idiot!
Albedo walks into the party.
(Rook): ...I-I knew that.
Rook walks into the party. Immediately, he runs into Blukic & Driba, dressed as the twins from The Shining.
(Rook): Oh, hello there little girls!
(Driba): Rook, it's us. We're your co-workers.
(Rook): Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you there! Your costumes are very convincing.
(Driba): Yeah, about that... Rook, isn't it better if you stayed at home tonight?
(Rook): What? Why?
(Driba): Well, you remember that medical we all had to take a week ago? The results came in.
(Blukic): You have a mild case of parapragnosia, also known as face blindness, most likely caused by brain damage. While you can still recognize individual faces, you cannot see faces past a mask or a costume. 
(Rook): What? That's ridiculous! I'm an adult, I can tell the difference between a mask and a person! 
Rook storms off into the deeper Baumannatorium.
(Driba): That's the exact same reaction he had when we told him about his diabetes.
Meanwhile, Albedo is snacking on a bowl of M&M's over by the snack table. Looma approaches. 
(Looma): Honey, don't you wanna dance? 
(Albedo): Yeah, yeah, sure. I'm just a little hungry.
Albedo gets faaaat and his zipper gives up. 
(Albedo): Oh good god, it's happening!
Albedo runs to hide in a random aisle. He calls Eon again. 
(Albedo): Eon, you gotta get down here! I can't control myself anymore, this body is taking over! I'm... I'm getting fat!
(Eon): I'll be there in a second.
Eon hangs up. Albedo walks back to the party, but he walks by a shelf, with Microwave Chili Fries stocked. He tries to restrain himself, but the temptation is too strong and he starts chowing down on chili fries. While rolling around on the floor, covered in grease from the chili fries, he spots Darkstar and Charmcaster having sex next to him. They both stop in the middle of act and stare at each other.
(Albedo): ...what are you looking at?
Meanwhile, Rook is walking through the party, staring at other people's costumes. They're dressed like vampires and monsters, but to Rook, they are actual vampires and monsters. Rook breaks into a sweat as he gets some punch from the punch bowl. Someone taps him on the shoulder, and he yelps in fright. Thankfully, it's just a slutty nurse.
(Rook): Oh, thank goodness! A nurse!
(Nurse): Hey there, big boy, you wanna go somewhere private...?
(Rook): Of course, we've got to get away from all these monsters!
The nurse takes Rook by the hand and walks him to the bathroom. Meanwhile, Albedo is stuffing his face with food, with his gut hanging over his belt. Eon arrives, disguised as a Synthroid.
(Eon): Jesus, Albedo! You're a hog!
(Albedo): More... More... 
Finally, Ben arrives at the party. He runs over to Azmuth.
(Ben): Azmuth! You gotta unlock my Pikltrix!
(Azmuth): First, some questions to prove yourself as Ben Tennyson. How many children do I have?
(Ben): None.
(Azmuth): How many children do you have?
(Ben): None! Well, I had a miscarriage once, but that doesn't count. And Looma got pregnant once, but she gave the baby to Vilgax so he can eat it for his wedding.
(Azmuth): Well, I'm convinced. Lemme just unlock your Pikltrix...
Azmuth puts in the code to unlock the Pikltrix, but it takes forever to load.
(Ben): What's taking so long!?
(Azmuth): Well, it's gotta download some new ones I put in there.
(Ben): When Ben 10,000 gave me some new ones, it only took a second!
(Azmuth): Things change.
Meanwhile, Eon is mixing up a drink with stuff from the shelves, while Albedo sweats grease. 
(Eon): Alright, this should do the trick.
Rook stumbles into their aisle, and when he sees Albedo in his obese glory, he sees him as Jabba the Hutt. Rook throws up.
(Rook): THAT'S IT! I'm taking out this devil's den of monsters! You're all going down!
Rook runs into the building next to the Baumannatorium, Brick Mansions, which is filled with bikers.
(Rook): BRICK MANSIONS! WE RIDE, OR WE DIE!
The bikers ambush the Baumannatorium, driving through the aisles and clubbing party-goers in the head. The party-goers climb up the shelves, while bikers drive ride through the aisles like piranhas. Ben picks Azmuth up and climbs up a shelf, just before bikers trample over other party-goers. Meanwhile, two different waves of bikers charge at Albedo from opposite sides. Albedo's too obese to climb the shelves, so Eon's trying to shove his magic drink down his throat. Sadly, Albedo won't budge.
(Eon): Albedo! You need to stop I'm gonna die.
(Albedo): Hnghuh... More...
(Eon): This is getting ridiculous.
Eon punches his drink into Albedo's mouth. Albedo starts to shake, and explodes into fat. Ben and Azmuth witness the explosion from the other side of the store. Ben's Pikltrix beeps.
(Ben): Finally!
Ben turns into his new alien, Knightlight. 
(Knightlight): Woah, you really did add new ones!
(Azmuth): Now solve this biker problem so I can go home!
Knightlight pulls a laser sword out of his ass and thrusts his sword into the floor, releasing a wave of energy around him, taking out the bikers. Knightlight spins around in circles, cutting up biker's tires like a circle saw. 
(Head Biker): That's enough, men! Retreat, RETREAT!
The bikers fuck off. Rook comes out.
(Rook): I did it, Ben! The monsters are gone!
Knightlight slaps Rook.
(Knightlight): You're an idiot.
Knightlight turns back into Ben. Meanwhile, Albedo is back to his normal thin, white-haired self. 
(Albedo): I'm back! Oh lord, how I miss this body! Let's go home, Eon.
(Baumann): The hell you are! You're cleaning this mess!
(Albedo): aw :( 
Looma comes by and gives Ben the biggest smooch in smooch history.
(Looma): You were really frisky today, lover. How about you get your prize?
(Ben): Frisky? I dunno what you did, Albedo, but... thanks!
Ben and Looma smooch that smooch. 
(Albedo): That could've been me.
(Eon): But hey, now you're getting something even better.
Eon and Albedo smooch that smooch.
(Baumann): my store is still messed up :(
THE END
Category:Scripts