Purple Rain-Union/Transcript

Act 1
(rock music playing)
Bad Hair Day: ♪ Yeah! ♪ ♪ Yeah! ♪ We're Bad Hair Day! Thank you!
Woman: Wow! (laughs) Okay. I think we know the winner of this talent show. But we have one more band. Uh... "The Ta-Ta's"? Give it up.
Linda: Um, hello. Hello? (microphone feedback screeching) (monotone) ♪ We're the Ta-Ta's ♪ ♪ And we're gonna rock ya ♪ ♪ We like to cha-cha and eat frittatas... ♪
(crowd booing) (mumbling)
Boy: Bring back Bad Hair Day!
Linda: Oh my face!!!
Linda: Yeah...uh-huh...wait, you want us to do what!? No, no, no, no way Debbie, no! I said no Debbie, goodbye
Louise: What is Debbie's problem?! And who is Debbie?!
Linda: She's organizing my 25-year high school reunion.
Tina: Why does that make you so angry? Dish, girl.
Linda: Because she wants my high school band to play there AND I DON'T WANNA BE HUMILIATED ALL OVER AGAIN!!!
Bob: Right. Your reunion. So, are we going? Are we not going? I mean, I'll do whatever.
Linda: Eh, I don't think I want to go now.
Bob: Oh my God!
Louise: I'm confused. Why wouldn't they get the other band? You know, the one that totally dominated you guys at the talent show? What were they called, Bad Hair Day?
Linda: AAHAAAHAHAAA!! Don't you say bad words in this house!!!!
Louise: Bad hair day.
Linda: DOO!!!!
Louise: Bad hair day.
Linda: GRR!!!!
Louise: Bad hair day.
Linda: DAAH!!!!!
Linda: If you must know, Louise, we were not Debbie's first choice or second or third! I think her exact words were; "I am desperate and out of ideas."
Gene: Eh, I wouldn't read too much into that.
Tina: Mom, time-out. This is your big chance. Don't hide your Ta-Ta's under a bush. You've got to get the band back together and play at the reunion.
Bob: TINA SHUSH!!! Sorry, but reunions are horrible. High school is horrible. I mean, it'll be fine for you.
Tina: Oh, good.
Louise: Guess Dad doesn't want to go.
Linda: Look, it was fun when we were just making up songs in Angie Moscatone's garage, but then it was horribly ruined forever -- like three out of five of my sexy parts after I had kids -- destroyed.
Gene: Oooh...
Louise: Bad Hair Day.
Linda: WHAAAAAT????!!!!! GO WASH THE BATHROOM FLOOR!
Louise: What? No! I don't...
Linda: You wash it!!
Louise: We never wash floors!
Linda: You scrub it!!
Linda: (scoffs) Play at the reunion! (scoffs) Who wants to be in a band anyway -- like I need to be laughed off the stage again?
Linda: ♪ No, thank you ♪ ♪ No, thank yoooooou!!! ♪ God, I sound good, nobody sounds good in the shower. ♪ I'm a Ta-Ta and I'm gonna rock ya ♪ ♪ I'm singing from the heart ♪ ♪ I still got two out of five (3x) sexy parts, WHOO!!! ♪
Audience: Can you believe we laughed at her at the talent show? We must be idiots!
Linda: They WERE all idiots! I'll show 'em! Bob, I changed my mind. I want to go to the reunion now.
Tina: Yeah!
Louise: Yeah! (whoops)
Bob: CRAP!
Gene: Way to go Mom! CELEBRATION FLUSH! (toilet flushing)
Linda: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Linda: Buckle up, kids. Time to get the band back together. ♪ We got Angie on the drums ♪
Tina, Gene, Louise: ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah! ♪
Linda: ♪ We got Patsy on the bass ♪
Tina, Gene, Louise: ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah! ♪
Linda: ♪ Nancy on guitar ♪
Tina, Gene, Louise: ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah! ♪
Linda: ♪ And the last one is your Aunt Gayle, and I know she's gonna say yes, 'cause she ALWAYS loved this band, and she's my sister!!! ♪
Gayle: No!
Louise: Aw come on!
Linda: Why not?
Gayle: Because you never let me sing any of my songs!
Linda: That's because your songs were all so, uh... (whispers) sexual!
Tina: Pardon?
Linda: And you had a serious speech impediment. I know.
Gayle: I wrote a song about it called "Ge-Ge-Ge-Ge, Ge-Ge-Ge-Ge, Ge-Ge-Ge-Ge, Genitals."
Linda: Derek Dematopolis will be there.
Gayle: Oh. Derek Dematopolis. Oh, oh.
Tina: Who's Derek Dematopolis?
Linda: Gayle had a crush on him all through high school.
Gayle: He was a Greek god.
Gene: At least he wasn't a Roman god. Those guys are jerks.
Gayle: Okay. I'll do it...IF...I get to sing one of my songs!
Linda: Oooooooooh...oooooooooh...oooooooooh...okay, fine!
Tina: Yay! The Ta-Ta's are back together!
Louise: (whoops)
Gayle: Wait! Why are you looking at me like that? What's wrong? Is this a bad idea?
Linda: No. He likes it. He's smiling.
Gayle: I... I don't know. He looks worried.
Gene: He's on board.
Louise: You, look at me now! We have come too far for you to ruin this.
Gayle: Oh no. You know what, he just has to poop. I'll do it!
Everyone: (cheering and whooping) Yay, Ta-Ta's!
Gayle: Oh, God. He's going. Everybody stay calm. HAAAAAAA--
Act 2
Linda: Aaaaaannnnd a one, two, three, four! ♪ And I just want to know... ♪
Gayle: Uh, Linda?! When are we going to practice my song?
Linda: Gayle, I'm singing here! Hello?
Gayle: Yeah, okay, well, maybe I'll sing my song quietly underneath.
Linda: Ugh.
Tina: Wow, a real band rehearsal. You guys, we can be groupies! Gene, who's your favorite?
Gene: Nancy, 'cause she brought guacamole.
Tina: Mine is Mom, and not 'cause I'm biased. It's just I like her energy. How about you, Louise?
Louise: Gosh, it's hard to choose. They're all so cool.
Bob: Uh, Lin?
Linda: What?!
Bob: Sorry, it's just, people are complaining.
Linda: Too bad!
Bob: You know, they want to know if you guys can maybe try tuning up again or...
Linda: No!
Bob: ...just play on the beat and just do it right?
Linda: NO!
Bob: All right then, we're losing customers.
Linda: Bye. And a one, two, three, four, go!
Angie Moscatone: Duet.
Linda: Let's rock!
Angie Moscatone: I need my sticks.
Guitar Player: Are we starting?
Gayle: Uh, Linda? Linda?
Linda: UUUUUGGH...What Gayle??
Gayle: When are we doing my song?
Angie Moscatone: I found my drum sticks!
Linda: Good! Listen ladies, we got to blow the roof off of that reunion, so let's stop fooling around and turn this band into a lean, mean, mom genes revenge machine!
Louise: Yeah!
Gene: Mom Genes!
Tina: Wait mom, now your energy is sounding a little negative--
Louise: Tina shush!
Linda: And a one two, three, four, go!!! (band playing loudly) Yeah! That's it! Yeah!
Bob: Oh boy.
Linda: Bob!? Come on, we're gonna be late for sound check!
Bob: JUST A MINUTE...!
Gene: What are you wearing?
Linda: What? It's my rock-and-roll clothes.
Gene: Are you a rock-and-roll hobo?
Louise: Ugh, I can't believe we don't get to see this freak show with our own eyes!
Linda: Yeah sorry. This is a grown-ups thing. It's rated R for "really boozy" starring me. (laughs)
Gene: Good one, Mom.
Tina: Hey, I've got something that'll turn those upside-down smiles back the right way -- me as your babysitter. Yay!
Linda: Uhh Tina, about that...
Tina: Yeah?
(doorbell rings)
Jen: Hello.
Tina: Mother, what is she doing here?
Linda: Honey, you're a great babysitter for like, uh, short bursts. You're like a cheetah.
Tina: Okay, a cheetah. So far so good.
Linda: But uh...we're gonna be gone a long time tonight, so we need a long-haul sitter -- th-the boring, old, long-haul sitter. Sorry, Jen.
Jen: What..?
Tina: Is this 'cause last time I let Gene eat all the Chunky Chocolate Shim Shams and he threw up in your bed?
Linda: Yes.
Gene: And I'd do it again!
Linda: BOB!
Bob: I KNOW!
Linda: What's going on in there!?
Bob: (sigh) I can't go.
Linda: Why?
Bob: I have a problem.
Louise: I told you to wipe front to back!
Bob: No, it's... this.
Tina, Gene, Louise: (screaming)
Bob: Get it out, get it out..
Linda: Oh my god.
Gene: Dad's nose got a nipple!
Bob: It's a pimple, and it's hideous.
Gene: Look at it!
Louise: It's staring right at me!! Look when I walk to the side of the room it follows me!!
Bob: Are you guys done?
Gene: No!
Bob: Then you've had your fun, all of you!
Louise: It's not fun, it's humiliating!
Bob: I hate high school!
Linda: Were you messing with it?
Bob: No.
Bob: Rrrrrrr! Rrrrrhhh grrrrrrd! Rrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!! OWW!!!! OWW OWW!!!
Bob: Maybe a little.
Linda: God. Can a pimple have two heads?
Bob: I can't go. I can't go outside like this!
Gene: Try putting masking tape on it.
Louise: Some silly putty.
Bob: I did that.
Linda: Quit stealing my thunder Bobby. This night isn't about your disgusting zit. It's about me -- and my big comeback -- and this jacket!
Louise: I just want that thing out of my house!
Bob: Fine, I'll go! But we're stopping to buy more concealer on the way. You're all out. I used a lot.
Category:Transcripts