The Rival (Fancyland)

The Rival is the eleventh episode of Season One in Welcome to Fancyland!. It was written by FireMatch.
==Plot==
Squidward's nemesis, Squilliam, visits Fancyland to visit one of his relatives. However, the two squids can't get along, so SpongeBob and Patrick try to pacify their rivalry. 
==Synopsis==
Squidward is playing Monopoly by himself.
“D’oh… what does it take to get someone to play Monopoly with?” Squidward says.
He hears SpongeBob and Patrick playing leapfrog next door. Squidward starts to literally get red with jealousy.
(Meanwhile…)
Squilliam is sitting in his hot tub on the top floor of his house.
“Huh?” Squilliam says. “Where’s the bubble soap? I could’ve sworn it was right here.”
Squilliam looks everywhere in the room for the bubble soap, but finds nothing.
“Ugh, am I gonna have to use golden soap instead? Such peasantry!”
Squilliam is about to squirt some soap from the golden bottle, when the golden phone rings.
“I’ll get it!” he says.
Squilliam hops out of the tub and grabs the phone. “Helloooo?”
“Squilliam is that you? Oh I’m so glad to hear you again. I’m your cousin Squidrod. I’m here in Fancyland.”
“Squidrod? I haven’t seen you in over 7 years! I need to come visit you sometime soon.”
“Yeah, you do. It’s really nice here in Fancyland.”
“Can’t be any fancier than Fancierland…” Squilliam mutters to himself.
“What was what?”
“I said I’ll be in Fancyland very soon!”
“Okay then. Goodbye, fellow cousin!” Squidrod hangs up.
Squilliam hops out of the hot tub and puts on a silk towel. He uses the elevator to go to the second floor, where his closet is. He puts on his regular clothes, and leaves his house. Squilliam gets on his private jet and tells the pilot to fly to Fancyland “on the triple!”
“But sir, that isn't even a real saying!”
“Make that on the quadruple!”
Meanwhile, Squidward is trying to have fun by himself. He tries playing ping pong with himself, but gets exhausted too quickly. He then starts an argument with himself.
“Octoward, you know that was a bad call!”
“You can't tell me what to do! I'm rich now!”
“Shut up nerd! You have eight legs so it doesn't matter what you think.”
“Well I'm gonna slap you now!”
Squidward slaps himself. “Ow! Okay this is getting stupid. I’m ending up like those babbling idiots next door.”
SpongeBob and Patrick are still playing leapfrog. Suddenly, a diamond limo shows up on the street.
Squidward is amazed. “Who could that be? Kelpy G?!” He starts to run outside. “Kelpy G! I’m your biggest fan! So nice to meet yo-” He then realizes it’s Squilliam.
“Why, hello, Squiddie,” Squilliam says. “I see you’re looking better than you did in high school.”
“Well the times have changed. What are you doing here?” Squidward says.
“Oh, checking up on an old relative. This town seems pretty peasant-y compared to mine. I can tell you aren’t Squidrod, my mistake.”
“Squidrod sounds like a real piece of work.”
“You can’t say that about Squidrod! He’s the…” Squilliam chokes on his own words. “Buh-(burps)est relative ever.”
“You sure didn’t say that with a straight face.” Squidward says.
“Squidrod is the best relative ever.”
“Nice try.”
“Anyway, I was gonna go find Squidrod, but this stupid conversation is too much fun.”
“You don't have any life, do you?”
“You don't either.”
SpongeBob and Patrick overhear this intense conversation and go over to see what's going on.
“Is this a housewarming party?” Patrick asks.
“No it isn't, Patrick. It's Squidward’s house,” SpongeBob whispers.
“Ahem. Who are you peasants?” Squilliam demands.
“My name is Patrick LXIX. And you?”
“PFFT! Are you trying to make a joke or something?” Squidward says.
“I'm Squilliam Fancyson LXX. That means I'm a whole generation ahead of you.”
“If numbers really matter, my grandpa was 89 years old before he died.” Squidward retorts.
“Not a good idea, Squidward…” SpongeBob says.
“Squidward, I thought you were just some stupid peasant. But I was wrong.” Squilliam says. “You're a FILTHY peasant.”
Squidward and Squilliam start arguing while throwing things at each other. Patrick is even thrown at one point.
“Guys stop!” SpongeBob yells. “You aren't getting anywhere!”
“Oh yeah?” Squidward says. “I just gave Squilliam a black eye!”
“No, that's me.” Patrick says.
“And I gave Squidward a bruise on his buttock!” Squilliam says.
“You what?” Squidward says.
“Injuring each other isn't gonna solve the main issue here,” SpongeBob says. “The issue is that you were extremely different back in high school. And this rivalry can't go on for any longer. Otherwise, crazy stuff could happen!”
“Crazy stuff as in me getting free ice cream cake?” Patrick asks.
“No.” SpongeBob says bluntly.
“Aw. I thought Fancyland was fancy.” Patrick says.
“Anyway, I think we should get you two to bond a bit.” SpongeBob says to the two octopuses.
“Never!” Squilliam says as he spits on the floor.
“Great, now I have to clean that up.” Squidward says.
“We're getting off track here, guys.” SpongeBob says. “Let's get you guys to eat at Fancy Place.”
“Fancy Place? That name is almost as bad as Fancy!” Squilliam scoffs.
“Have to agree with you there.” Squidward says.
Cut to SpongeBob, Squidward, and Squilliam in the line at Fancy Place.
“Ugh, this line is too long,” Squilliam complains. “Waffle batter!”
The waiter immediately sees the group and gets them a table immediately.
“Whoa, that was weird. How did you know to say that?” SpongeBob asks.
“I worked as a fancy waiter for a month before I settled into retirement,” Squilliam says. “Sweet, sweet retirement.” Squidward is angry at this remark.
“Why you little-”
As Squidward says this, Ze French Scientist brings the group Fizz Bomb Cola (Deluxe).
“Ooh! They have the deluxe version here!” SpongeBob says.
“Oh, please. This soda is for delinquents,” Squilliam says with pride.
Squilliam forces Squidward to drink his entire can in one gulp, then smashes the can on his head.
“Hey hey!” SpongeBob says. “Be careful, you two! I thought we were trying to stop this!”
“My head feels like a pot of peanuts…” Squidward says softly.
(Cut to after the Fancy Place dinner session, where Squilliam is rummaging through Squidward’s things to pick at them)
“This rusty old thing is what you use to play an instrument? Blech!” Squilliam complains. “I always use solid gold… en platinum.”
“But I like Clarry…”
“BAH! You gave it a name! Classic Squiddy.” Squilliam says.
“As if you didn’t name your gilded doorknob Gilbert,” Squidward says.
“Don’t talk about my Gilbie like that!”
(Cut to Squidward and Squilliam having a conversation at Squidward’s house)
“So then I said, ‘Why did the fowl cross over the pavement?’ He said ‘Why, good sir?’ I said, ‘For a perfectly excusable reason.’” Squilliam chuckles at this.
“That’s not a joke, that’s a sentence,” Squidward says with a dull expression.
“Oh.”
SpongeBob is secretly watching behind one of Squidward’s plants and smiles.
(Cut to Patrick playing with a bathroom rug)
“Ruggie ruggie! Ruggie!” Patrick says over and over again.
“I’ve seen better hobbies from a turkey sandwich,” Squidward says. “Heh. Learned that one from Squidville.”
Squilliam laughs.
“Squidward!” SpongeBob says. “My back is itchy. Can you scratch it please?”
“What do you want me to do next? Rub your belly? Go do that with your snail Gary, you dimwit,” Squidward retorts.
Squilliam laughs again. “Man, you are good at insults. You gotta show me some of them sometime.”
“I just might.”
“Come on, Squidward, let’s go somewhere fancier. Like, uhh… you know, I never thought I’d get this far.”
The episode ends with Squidward and Squilliam walking next to each other while having a conversation. Patrick starts to eat his rug while SpongeBob tries to stop him.
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