2012 Power Rankings-Week 5

Posted 10/2/15 at 10:08am. ABC Easy as RGIII would later become DiscountDoubleCheck.
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Tragic news out of Burrilville today as reports are slowly coming in that "Multiple Score-Gasms" was killed in a train wreck in the middle of last week. Witness on the scene said they saw terrible draft picks diving in front of the train, causing the train wreck. From the ashes rose the pheonix, a team much like "Multiple Score-Gasms" but named after a lame female superhero. "The Storm," Nate's new team name, starts it's franchise with a 2-2 record. In other news, Welker's Fingertips is being released from the hospital today after being brutally assaulted by The Shotti Bunch.
Let's tear apart these power rankings just like the Patriots tore apart the Bill's asses this week.
1 (3). The Shotti Bunch
--This team has had more ups and downs than the Eagles, but when Vick has a good day, this fantasy team has a good day. They bordered on 300 this week, so no one in the league had a chance to stop them. Of course I'm the ass hole that had to play them.
2 (4). Julian Odinson
--The god's have spoken. With four starters over 100 points already on the season and Alfred Morris close to 90, this team is probably the most balanced and consistent in the league. They're also riding the longest winning streak.
3 (1). ABC Easy as RGIII
--The most heartbreaking loss, maybe in the history of Fantasy Football. 212.23-212.43. For those who suck at math, that is a 000.20 margin of victory for The Storm. Since this is such a narrow victory, we need to wait for the stat corrections to come out before we officially call this one.
4 (6). ma ma momma said
--Best record and the highest scoring team in the league. What makes this team even scarier is looking down the line and seeing that he never has more than 1 high-scoring starter on the bye at any given time. Gulp.
5 (2). Welker's Fingertips
--Every year there is one team that always get's screwed and ends up facing the one team every week that goes off. This is the second time that WF has faced the highest scoring team of the week (ABC in week 1) and has the most points scored against (962). Can WF catch a fucking break? Probably not.
6 (7). The Storm
--There's a storm comin' Harry. Will a name change and some roster moves be enough to save this team? At 2-2 they are just as much in the hunt as everyone else, but if we have learned anything from the AFC East it's that not all 2-2 teams are alike. Is Storm like the 2-2 Patriots (dominant but getting screwed?), the 2-2 Bills (they can beat the bad teams, maybe that'll be enough?) or the 2-2 Jets (somehow they squeak by but they won't be anywhere near the playoffs).
7 (5). Tickle Me Ocho
--Well Ocho has had some tough matchups and his schedule will be starting to get a little bit easier, but 1-3 is not a good way to start the season. Hard to find a real weakness in this team, so everyone just needs to perform a couple points better and they'll make a run.
8 (9). butt fuckers
--Week 4 of the lockout for butt fuckers. This commish is starting to wonder if maybe he is entering the wrong password. Officials are bringing in Robert Kraft to try and end the lockout, though Kraft has been quoted as saying "This isn't like the NFL lockout or the Referee lockout. This is serious. I don't know if I can use my god-like powers to solve this one." Somehow this team keeps winning but bye weeks are looming.
9 (8). Boats and Hoes JV
--Sources say Boats and Hoes JV is intentionally losing games so that the manager can be ranked close to his girlfriend in the standings. Though romantic, this commish suggests they start winning games so they don't have to face the embarrassment of being the worst team in fantasy football for the second year in a row.
10 (10). Why am I doing this?
--Does WAIDT stand a chance against Julian Odinson? What will they do with both QB's on the bye? Does the manager really care about this team? Does anybody?