Goosebumps/Transcript

[We open on a mother and her son driving to a place called...]
Zach: (sees the sign) ‘Madison, Delaware.’ Wow. Mom, are you positive there weren’t any other places looking for vice principals?
Ms. Cooper: Like where?
Zach: Guantanamo Bay?
Ms. Cooper: Ooh, too hot.
Zach: North Korea?
Ms. Cooper: No. They didn’t call me back.
Zach: Detroit?
[They arrive at their new house.]
Ms. Cooper: This is it. Come on, come on. Look, a yard. You’d never get this in New York.
Zach: You don’t have to keep selling me on this place. I’m staying because I love you.
Ms. Cooper: Aw, I love you too.
Zach: And I looked into it. Legally, I can’t live on my own until I’m 18.
[As his mother left, he looked at a house next door. He thought he saw someone watching. Zach went into the house.]
Ms. Cooper: Look at this kitchen. It’s bigger than our apartment.
Zach: We don’t cook.
Ms. Cooper: Well, look at all this counter space to put the takeout on. Whew. Do you hear that?
Zach: No, I don’t hear anything.
Ms. Cooper: Exactly.
[Suddenly, someone enters the kitchen. It was his aunt Lorraine.]
Lorraine: Live from New York, it’s my sister Gale! With special guest, my nephew Zach. Get in here with a hug! (hugs Zach)
Zach: Hey. Oh.
Lorraine: Oh, it’s an SNL reference.
Zach: Oh yeah.
Lorraine: You lived in New York.
Zach: Okay, yeah.
Lorraine: Oh my goodness! Look at you! You’re not in any color. (hugs Ms. Cooper) Hey. We should change that. Oh, my God. It’s good to see you.
Ms. Cooper: Wow, you too.
Lorraine: Okay. Let me take him in. Oh, my gosh. He gets more handsome every time I see him. So good-looking.
Zach: Thank you, Aunt Lorraine.
Lorraine: He’s just a beautiful boy. Thank God, because you were such an ugly baby.
Zach: There it is.
Ms. Cooper: Oh, Lorraine.
Lorraine: What? It’s fine. He’s handsome now. It’s not like he’s gonna go ugly, handsome, and then back to ugly. No. The danger’s past. Oh, I almost forgot. I got a present for you, because I’m a cool aunt. (gives Zach a decorated cap) This is from my new signature men’s line. Ooh. Check it out.
Zach: Awesome.
Lorraine: It’s limited edition, so you’re not gonna see a lot of men wearing that hat.
Zach: Yeah, no. I can’t imagine anyone would be wearing it. It’s so limited edition.
Ms. Cooper: Try it on. Make sure it fits.
Zach: Try it on right now? Okay.
Lorraine: Yeah, take her for a spin.
[Zach puts on the cap.]
Lorraine and Ms. Cooper: Awww.
Zach: Okay. Um, I’m gonna go unload some boxes now, and see you around.
Ms. Cooper: Oh, honey. Leave the hat on. I don’t want you to burn.
Lorraine: And you look good with it on.
Zach: Thank you. Cool.
[Zach went to get the boxes out of the moving van. Unfortunately, one of the boxes he was carrying was upside down, dropping lots of stuff on the ground. He heard a girl’s voice.]
Girl: Smooth. So you’re the new neighbor?
Zach: Yeah. Nice to meet you.
Girl: How long was the drive from New York? No. I can just tell by the pretty hat that you have.
Zach: Oh, no. This… no. (takes off hat) This is… this is actually a gift from my aunt.
Girl: It’s also a gift for me and everyone who gets to see you wearing it.
Zach: I’m Zach, by the way.
Girl: I’m Hannah.
???: Hannah!
Hannah: I gotta go.
Zach: Good talk.
[Now, there was a man in the window.]
Zach: Hi. Hey, we’re just moving in. Just.. just me and my mom. This hat was a gift.
Man: You see that fence? Do you see the fence?
Zach: Uh, yes.
Man: Stay on your side of it. You stay away from my daughter, you stay away from me, and we won’t have a problem.
[Zach goes back to the new house.]
Zach: Well, just met our neighbor. He’s a big teddy bear.
Lorraine: Oh, Mr. Shivers? Yeah. He moved to town a few years ago. Very mysterious. Very sexy. I love his scent. It’s like mint and B.O. It works.
Zach: Yeah. Not my type.
Ms. Cooper: (finds a picture of Zach and his father) I remember that day. Oh. You okay, sweetheart?
Zach: Yeah. Yeah, sorry. Um.. I’m gonna go get a head start decorating my room. Knock it off my bucket list.
Lorraine: How’s he doing?
Ms. Cooper: Oh, it’s been hard. He’s putting up a wall. Hopefully, a change of scenery will help.
Lorraine: How are you doing?
Ms. Cooper: Hopefully, a change of scenery will help.
[Upstairs, Zach watches video footage of him and his father playing baseball.]
Mr. Cooper: (on footage) All right, Zach. Let’s see what you got. With the fastball. Two’s a curve. Gotta get up. You gotta give me the sign. There you go. Oh!
Zach: (on footage) That’s… Oh, see? Dad’s not perfect.
Mr. Cooper: (on footage) No.
Zach: (on footage) Dad can get one drop.
Mr. Cooper: (on footage) All right. Read the signs. It’s all just to block. Don’t wanna jump up. That’s how the fastballs get by. All right. Get ready. Go fast now. Okay?
Ms. Cooper: Honey, you okay?
Zach: Uh, yeah. Just found some old baby pictures. I really did look like baby Gollum.
[It had been some time since his father passed away. He missed him, for sure. The next day, Zach and his mother arrive at Madison High School.]
Ms. Cooper: Yay, new friends. New friends.
Zach: (locks the car door) Whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you think you’re doing?
Ms. Cooper: I’m going to work. Gonna do some educating. Some administrating.
Zach: Mom, I’m the new kid, which presents its own set of obstacles. Not sure walking in with the vice principal is the play. Just give me a 60 second head start so I at least have a chance.
Ms. Cooper: Deal. You promise you’ll give it a shot?
Zach: You know I can’t promise you that. (Ms. Cooper locks the car door) I promise. All right? And this door-locking thing… Come on, you’re better than that.
Ms. Cooper: 60 seconds starts now, 60, 59, 58, 57…
[Zach gets out of the car and goes to school. At the assembly…]
Principal: All right. Let’s find our seats, ladies and gentlemen. Find our seats quickly. Let’s find our seats.
[A kid sat beside Zach.]
Kid: So you’re the new kid.
Zach: Oh, yeah.
Kid: Cool, cool. (to a girl) Oh, hi Taylor.
Taylor: Hi, ‘Chump.’
Zach: Did she just call you ‘chump?’
Kid: Yes, indeed, she did. My real name is Champ, you know. But she’s never talked to me before, so we’re making progress.
Principal: Three, two, one. Settle down. Good morning. I am so happy to introduce you to our new vice principal, Miss Cooper. And I hope that you show her the same respect that you show me.
[A fart noise was heard.]
Principal: Who did that? Who did that? Miss Cooper.
Ms. Cooper: Hi, everyone. I know I speak for the entire administration when I say we are so excited for Friday’s fall dance. We can’t stop twerking about it.
Champ: She’s worse than the last one.
Zach: That’s my mom.
Champ: Oh, well, the last one was fantastic.
Ms. Cooper: I’m kidding. I don’t even know what twerking is. But I hear it’s very popular…
Champ: So you taking anyone to the dance?
Zach: No.
Champ: Yeah. I was thinking about flying solo, too. Hey, we should go together.
Zach: Together?
Champ: Oh, not like ‘together’ together. Dance together or anything. Although that could work. You know, we get the crowd into it, you know? And then go split off with different girls.
Ms. Cooper: And as a final reminder, just be safe and have fun.
Champ: (hands Zach a card) Take this. Shoot me a text or tweet me. It has all my contact info. There’s my home address, and that’s my locker number. You know where to find me.
[After school, Zach went to take out the trash.]
Zach: Hello? Is someone there?
[It was the same girl watching him.]
Hannah: Did I scare you?
Zach: Pfft, no.
Hannah: Really? Because you jumped like 10 feet high, so..
Zach: You know, I jump a lot. It’s how I stay in such great shape.
Hannah: That’s good. 
Zach: I, um.. Yeah, I didn’t see you at school today.
Hannah: Aw, what, you were looking for me?
Zach: No, no. I just… I just observed…
Hannah: No, I’m homeschooled.
Zach: Oh, by your dad? He seems.. Nice. And intense. And a little tense.
Hannah: Don’t take it personally. He doesn’t really like anyone.
Zach: Yeah. So, um… So is there anything, like, fun to do around here aside from scaring your neighbors?
Hannah: Okay. There is one thing that I like to do.
Zach: Yeah?
Hannah: Come with me.
Zach: Uh… (follows Hannah) Hey, where are we going?
Hannah: Don’t worry. It’ll be fun.
[They walked off somewhere in the woods.]
Zach: Are you sure you know where we’re going?
Hannah: Yes. Come on. This way.
Zach: Are you taking me somewhere to kill me? I'm just curious.
Hannah: I’m playing it by ear. (disappears)
Zach: Hannah? (to himself) Yes Zach, follow the stranger into the woods.
[Some birds fly off and he is startled by them. Hannah appears.]
Hannah: Come on, scaredy cat. We’re almost there. Okay. Just a little further. Okay. Just wait here.
Zach: Okay. Where exactly is here?
Hannah: Watch this.
[She turns on the lights and in the woods was an abandoned carnival.]
Hannah: What do you think?
Zach: Uh… it’s not what I was expecting. So, what is this place?
Hannah: Well, they built it years ago, but then they ran out of money. Now it just sits here. Come on, this is my favorite part. (climbs up ferris wheel)
Zach: Wait, wait, wait. What are you doing?
Hannah: What are you afraid of? I do this all the time.
Zach: I’m not afraid. I'm just not current with my tetanus shots. (sighs) I hate the suburbs.
[Zach climbed up after Hannah.]
Hannah: Come on. You can do it. Just don’t look down.
Zach: I know.
Hannah: You’re not gonna fall.
Zach: I wasn’t planning on that.
Hannah: There you go.
Zach: Hi.
Hannah: Hi.
Zach: Alright. So we’re high off the ground.
[They sat on the seat and watch the sunset.]
Hannah: It’s cool, right?
Zach: Yeah, it's cool. You can see everything from up here.
Hannah: So, why’d you move to Madison?
Zach: Well, my mom said to me: ‘Zach, if you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?’ And I said, ‘Can we please move to Madison, Delaware? That’d be my dream.’
Hannah: Are you always this sarcastic?
Zach: Always? No, that’s a strong word. Not always. Usually. I’m sorry. It’s just, um… It’s just been me and my mom since my dad died last year, so yeah.
Hannah: I’m sorry.
Zach: I don’t really think about it much anymore. What about you?
Hannah: Well, I never knew my mom, and we’re always moving from one town to the next.
Zach: That really sucks.
Hannah: It’s fine.
Zach: Hey, can I ask you something really serious, Hannah?
Hannah: Yeah. What?
Zach: How do we get down? I'm serious. Is there a plan?
Hannah: No.
Zach: How do you normally get down?
Hannah: You can’t. You’re stuck.
[A few minutes later, they walk back home.]
Hannah: Wow, I can’t believe you ate that cotton candy.
Zach: And you know what’s scary is it actually tasted kind of fine. So, uh... thanks for tonight. That was the least terrible time I’ve had here.
Hannah: Oh Z, thachat’s so sweet. That’s… I… really.
Zach: Okay. Hey Hannah. I’m.. I’m probably gonna take out the trash on Tuesdays and Thursdays. So, you know, you feel like creeping up on someone, that works for me.
Hannah: All right. I’ll keep that in mind, scaredy cat.
Man: Hannah! What are you doing out here?
Hannah: I’m so sorry.
[She leaves and the same man showed up between the fences, Mr. Shivers.]
Mr. Shivers: This is your last warning. You stay away from us, or something very bad will happen.
Zach: I believe you.
[In his house, Zach is trying to solve a math problem.]
Zach: What is X? What is X?
[He heard noise next door.]
Hannah: (from a distance) Dad, it’s not a big deal.
Mr. Shivers: (from a distance) Hannah, you have to understand..
Hannah: (from a distance) I don’t have to understand anything. We were just talking. Why can’t I have friends?
Mr. Shivers: (from a distance) You know why!
Hannah: (from a distance) That’s not fair! You can’t just lock me up all the time.
Mr. Shivers: (from a distance) You are never allowed to see that boy! You understand me? Ever!
Hannah: (from a distance) Dad, please calm down.
[There was breaking in the house next door and Hannah screaming.]
Zach: Hannah.
[Zach runs to the fence, but it was boarded up by a certain someone. He got over the fence and knocked on Mr. Shivers’ door.]
Mr. Shivers: (answers) What?
Zach: I heard a scream. Is Hannah okay?
Mr. Shivers: There was no scream. You didn’t hear anything. 
Zach: What are you talking about?
Mr. Shivers: Get out of here or the last scream you hear will be your own. 
Zach: No, wait, wait… (door closes on him)
[He goes inside his house.]
Zach: Mom. Hey, Mom. Mom. Mom.
Ms. Cooper: Oh hey, sweetie. Hey, how do you feel about quinoa for dinner?
Zach: Mom, Hannah’s in trouble.
Ms. Cooper: Oh, who’s Hannah?
[Zach dials 911 on the phone.]
Voice: Madison County 911.
Zach: (on the phone) Hi, yes. Uh, I live on Monroe. Uh.. um, it’s an emergency, I think.
Ms. Cooper: Zach, what’s going on?
Zach: (on the phone) Yeah. Maybe possibly a domestic disturbance. I don’t know.
[Later, some cops knocked on the door. Mr. Shivers answered.]
Cop 1: You’re under arrest!
Cop 2: Whoa, whoa, whoa. I love that enthusiasm. I love that. Keep it. But we’re just.. We’re not there yet. (to Mr. Shivers) Hello, sir. My name’s Officer Stevens. This is Training Officer Brooks.
Brooks: I’m sorry about that before.
Stevens: You don’t need to be sorry. You’re doing great.
Brooks: Really?
Stevens: We got a call about a possible 10-16 at your residence. Which is..?
Brooks: Um, don’t tell me. It’s a domestic disturbance.
Stevens: Absolutely right.
Brooks: Really?
Stevens: Yeah. You’re absolutely right.
Mr. Shivers: Strange, because I’ve been here alone all night and I haven’t heard a thing.
Zach: No, no, he’s lying. Where’s Hannah? I know it was her screaming.
Mr. Shivers: Okay, yes. Hannah’s my daughter, and she’s been staying with me for a while while her mother sorted a few things out with her new husband. She flew back to London yesterday morning.
Stevens: All right, well, that checks out. Apologies, sir. Thank you for your time. We’re sorry for the disturbance.
[They heard a scream. It came from a scary movie playing on Mr. Shivers’s TV.]
Mr. Shivers: Surround sound. I didn’t know being an autophile is a crime.
Brooks: Being a what? A what-a-phile?
Stevens: Whoa, whoa, whoa. That just means he is a connoisseur of high-end audio equipment.
Brooks: Oh.
Ms. Cooper: Hi. I’m so sorry. We haven’t properly met. I’m Gale Cooper, your new neighbor. It’s a beautiful home you have.
Mr. Shivers: Pleasure’s mine. Thank you so much for stopping by and bringing your delightful son and the police.
Ms. Cooper: Again, I’m so sorry.
Stevens: Apologies for this, sir. We hate coming into the house of an upstanding citizen such as yourself.
Brooks: Really sorry. I mean, obviously, you’re not doing anything…
Stevens: If you like to press charges, we would love to help you.
Zach: Hannah! Hannah! Hannah!
Stevens: Hold on, big guy.
Zach: Just look upstairs. Trust me.
Brooks: Should I tase him? I’ll tase him.
Stevens: I like that moxie, but we’re gonna hold off. You have any idea what the penalty is filing a false police report?
Brooks: Three years.
Stevens: Close. It’s actually a written warning.
Zach: Hold on, hold on. Mom, tell me you don’t believe him. Surround sound? Seriously?
Ms. Cooper: Zach, enough. Go home.
[Zach went home, disgruntled with Shivers’s tricks.]
Ms. Cooper: Oh, officers, I’m sorry.
Stevens: It’s all right, ma’am. I feel like we should recommend a treatment center for him.
Brooks: That kid’s on drugs.
Steven: That kid is on drugs.
Ms. Cooper: Good night.
[Later, Lorraine knocks on the door of Zach’s house.]
Lorraine: Gale? It’s Lorraine.
Ms. Cooper: I can see you.
Lorraine: It’s your sister.
Ms. Cooper: Hi. Thanks for coming. I have to chaperone the dance at the high school. I don’t wanna leave Zach alone tonight.
Lorraine: Gale. He’s a teenage boy having a hard time adjusting. You know what he needs? A night in with his aunt, BeDazzling. Duh.
Ms. Cooper: Oh, thanks. I hate fighting with him.
Lorraine: I know. It’ll get better. Just give it some time. All right. Kit coming through. And don’t worry. It’s gonna be all about Zach tonight. (Ms. Cooper leaves) Zach!
[In the kitchen..]
Lorraine: So we went out to sushi that Wednesday. And we both ordered the chicken teriyaki, which is like, ‘It’s fate.’ And then I haven’t heard from him since, you know? Which is a bummer, because I really liked him. He didn’t laugh at any of my jokes, but I felt like there was something there. I don’t know. Not like I even care. It’s like, whatever. I should listen to my psychic. She says, ‘Stop dating losers and never go on a plane,’
[While she was talking, Zach saw Hannah’s shadow on the window of the house.]
Zach: I knew it.
Lorraine: Oh, so you think he’s playing hard to get? Or the more likely scenario: he lost his phone in, like, a fire.
Zach: Yeah, I think he lost his phone.
Lorraine: Yeah. I do too.
Zach: You know, I.. I totally forgot. I have a huge test on Monday that I gotta study for. So I’m just gonna do that all night, and definitely don’t come in my room.
Lorraine: Oh, okay.
Zach: Yeah. See you.
Lorraine: Night, sweetie. But you know what? I’m just gonna call him. Now I’m worried he’s dead.
[Later, Champ came by to see Zach.]
Zach: Hey, hey, hey. Over here.
Champ: Wait. So how is this gonna work? Are you my wingman or am I yours? Is that what you’re wearing to the dance?
Zach: I gotta tell you something. Get down.
Champ: Dude, no. This is my new suit. Get off. Where are the girls?
Zach: Uh, yeah, about that. I just said that to get you over here. We need your help.
Champ: So there are no girls?
Zach: Well, there is one girl.
Champ: Oh! My man!
Zach: Shhh.
Champ: What? What?
Zach: Unfortunately, she’s locked in that house and her dad's a psychopath.
Champ: Does she have a friend?
Zach: No. I'm serious.
Champ: (sighs) You know, you said there was gonna be girls, and not only are there no girls, but there’s a psychopath and I’m in a suit. How do you know this guy’s going to leave?
Zach: I called him and pretended to be the cops. And I asked him to come to the station.
Champ: You can get in big trouble for that.
Zach: It’s just a written warning. (he and Champ get down)
Champ: Dude. It’s wet dirt, dude. My pants are gonna get muddied.
Zach: He’s right there.
[They saw the man get in the car and leave.]
Zach: Come on.
[They got over the fence.]
Champ: Dude, my dry-cleaning bill’s gonna be ridiculous.
Zach: Just come on.
[They reached the door to the basement, and Zach opened it.]
Champ: Woah. Where’d you learn that from, New York?
Zach: No, YouTube.
Champ: Oh.
[They open the door.]
Zach: Okay, stay here and watch the driveway.
Champ: Wait here by myself? Out in the dark?
Zach: Yes, Champ. You’re the lookout. If Shivers comes back, you just give me a sign like: a-hoo, a-hoo.
Champ: Okay, just so we’re clear, if I sense any danger, I will run the other way.
[Zach goes down the basement. As he walked in the dark, he gets startled by a cuckoo clock.]
Zach: Where am I?
[A hand reached out for Zach and shocked him. It was Champ.]
Zach: What the hell, man?! You’re supposed to be the lookout!
Champ: And that’s not gonna change. I’ll just be the lookout, you know, in here.
Zach: No, no, by definition you have to be somewhere out, looking.
Champ: Let me explain something to you, Zacharius. You know how they say teenagers have no fear of death? That they’re never gonna get hurt? Well, not me, okay? I was born with the gift of fear. I remember being 4, being pushed on a swing and thinking, ‘This is how it ends.’
Zach: You’re not gonna die. All right? At least not today. Okay? It’s gonna be okay.
Champ: Yeah, you’re right. I’m being ridiculous. (spots bear traps) Oh, bear traps. Who puts bear traps in their basement? I mean, seriously.
Zach: Let’s go.
Champ: Let’s go outside where it’s safe. Where there’s no bear traps.
[The two walk past the bear traps and Champ walks into some spiderwebs.]
Champ: I think I swallowed some web.
[Then, they walk upstairs into the main room.]
Zach: Dude, this way. Come on. Come on. Up there.
[They walk up to a dark room, where they see manuscripts.]
Zach: That's weird. It's like the noise is coming from this bookcase.
Champ: Well, it's an old house. Whoa! Check this out. ‘The Scarecrow Walks at Midnight.’ ‘The Ghost Next Door.’ ‘Night of the Living Dummy.’ These are all Goosebumps manuscripts.
Zach: What’s he doing with a bunch of kids' books?
Champ: These aren’t kids’ books. Kids’ books help you fall asleep. These books keep you up all night. (reads name) R.L. Stine. Whatever happened to that guy?
Zach: Uh, who knows? He disappeared one day. Does it matter? Let’s go.
Champ: ‘The Abominable Snowman of Pasadena.’ My grandma lives in Pasadena. I stopped visiting after reading this.
Zach: Okay. We’re not here for book club.
Champ: I know, but why are these books locked? I mean, who would lock a book? Maybe there’s like a key or something we can unlock it with.
Zach: (spots a key in a glass case) Okay, if it really matters that much, look at this. All right? (gets the key and opens the book) Mystery solved. Let’s get back to why…
Champ: Look out!
[Someone gets in the room. It was Hannah.]
Hannah: Zach?
Zach: Hey, Hannah.
Hannah: What are you doing in my house?
Zach: I thought you were chained up, possibly.
Hannah: Why did you think that?
Zach: Because I heard you scream, and I called the police.
Hannah: Okay, both of you need to go right now.
Zach: Yes. Okay.
Champ: Wait. One.. one second. (to Hannah) Hi. Hi, I’m Champ. Nice to meet you. Hey, we’re going to a semi-formal later tonight, and I don’t know, you should come and invite a friend. I really don’t care what she looks like.
Hannah: Did you unlock a book?
Zach: Yeah. I did. I’m sorry. It’s around somewhere. I just dropped it. And I’ll put it back where it belongs, and we’ll be out of your hair. Here it is...
Hannah: No! Don’t open it!
[The book opened, and the ink formed into the monster from the book: the Abominable Snowman.]
Zach: What’s going on?
Hannah: Nobody make a sound.
[Champ accidently knocks over a lamp, getting the creature’s attention. The monster charged at Champ, who screams like a little girl. Zach grabs Champ out of the way and the Abominable Snowman misses and crashes through the window.]
Hannah: My dad’s gonna kill me.
Champ: Wait! Zach!
[As they left, one book opened up and it was the Night of the Living Dummy book.]
Hannah: Go home, Zach. You’re in over your head.
Zach: You wanna tell us what’s going on?
Hannah: No, I can’t explain. I have to go.
Champ: Zach, wait, wait. Come on. Listen. Stop. Stop. Stop.
Zach: Dude, what are you doing? Dude. Dude, get off me.
Champ: Listen to me very carefully. That’s the Abominable Snowman. You don’t get that nickname by accident. And it just crawled out of a book. That doesn’t just happen, Zach!
Zach: I’m going after Hannah. (runs off)
Champ: Look, I read what it did to Pasadena. It’s no joke, man.
[Later, they arrive at the ice rink.]
Zach: She went in there.
Champ: Yeah, she's not the only one who went in there.
[They go inside.]
Champ: Dude, we should call the cops.
Zach: Have you met the cops in this town?
Champ: Fair enough.
[The place was a mess from the Snowman’s arrival.]
Champ: Do you see the scratches on the wall?
Zach: Yes.
Champ: Just making sure.
[They get startled by a fizzing soda can. Champ screams for a bit.]
Zach: Is that your scream?
Champ: Don’t judge me.
Zach: Over here. This way.
[They spot Hannah in the middle of the ice rink.]
Champ: What’s she gonna do, read it a story?
[They walk over on the ice to her.]
Zach: Hannah? What is happening? How did that pop out of a book?
Hannah: Shh. It’s in here.
Champ: Hey, we should get a gun.
Zach: Are you kidding? We need a tank.
Champ: Wait. He’s made out of snow.
Zach: Flamethrower.
Champ: Bag of salt. Okay, flamethrower.
Hannah: Quiet. He can’t be killed.
[A piece of candy dropped from the ceiling.]
Zach: It’s candy.
[More candy dropped from above. They look up to see a vending machine falling down.]
Zach: Look out!
[A vending machine dropped in the middle of the rink. Luckily, they got out of the way. The Abominable Snowman ate some candy.]
Zach: Come on, it’s distracted. Hannah, come on. Let's go.
Hannah: What are you doing? Get off. No. Stop it! You don’t understand. The only way to stop them is to suck them back into the book.
Champ: Drop the book and let it suck itself back in.
Hannah: No, I’m not close enough.
[The monster hears the lock open.]
Champ: What are you doing? Just open the book!
Hannah: Just wait.
[It was coming toward them.]
Zach: Hannah, open the book!
Hannah: Not yet.
Zach and Champ: Hannah!
Hannah: Now!
[The Abominable Snowman swings the book open.]
Hannah: The book.
Champ: Hannah, what are you doing?
Zach: Hannah.
[She tries to run to the book, but the Snowman shakes the ice.]
Hannah: Don’t let it get the book!
[Zach uses a hockey stick to get the book away from the monster.]
Zach: Are you okay?
Hannah: Yeah.
Champ: Guys, come on. Let’s go!
Zach: Come on. Come on.
Champ: Over here! Come on!
Zach: Good idea! Punch it!
[They ride on the zamboni, but it was as fast as a slug.]
Zach: Bad idea! Bad idea! Get off that thing!
[They get off and hide by the zamboni, but the Abominable Snowman finds them]
Zach: Run!
[They run for their lives with Champ by the entrance.]
Champ: Guys, come on! In here! Guys, come on! Hurry!
[The Abominable Snowman chased after them, but they closed the gate on the monster. The monster gets up and starts to break the glass door. But for some reason, he starts to deform into ink as he was sucked into the book by Mr. Shivers.]
Mr. Shivers: All of you in the car, now!
[A few minutes later, they are in Mr. Shivers's car.]
Champ: What are you gonna do to us?
Mr. Shivers: Silence.
Champ: We can't ask questions..?
Mr. Shivers: Shut up!
Hannah: Dad, they were only trying to help.
Mr. Shivers: I told you to stay away from us, or something bad would happen. But that’s the problem with kids today. They don’t listen. You had to pick the Abominable Snowman of Pasadena. You couldn’t have picked Little Shop of Hamsters.
[Zach realizes who Mr. Shivers really is.]
Zach: You’re him, aren’t you? You’re R.L. Stine.
Mr. Shivers: R.L. who? I don’t know who that is.
Zach: Oh, really? Well, just as well, because his books suck.
Hannah: What are you doing?
Zach: I can’t decide which one I hate more: Monster Blood or Go Eat Worms.
Champ: I'm so confused.
Zach: You see the endings coming from a mile away. It's like stop trying to be Stephen King, man.
[R.L. Stine stops the car.]
Mr. Shivers: Let me tell you something about Steve King. Steve King wishes he could write like me, and I’ve sold way more books than him, but nobody ever talks about that! Way more books!
Hannah: Dad. Your face is doing the red thing again.
Champ: No way. Wait, you're R.L. Stine? That's you? Really? Really? Hey, can I get a picture real quick?
R.L. Stine: No. 
Champ: Come on. 
R.L. Stine: No. 
Champ: Come on. 
R.L. Stine: I said ‘no.’ 
Champ: The answer’s yes.
R.L. Stine: (spots camera) What? I… No. Get that thing out of here!
Champ: I’m sorry. I just wanted a photo real quick for my Instagram.
R.L. Stine: Oh, is that all? Let me see.
Champ: Oh, yeah. Here you go. 
R.L. Stine: Thank you.
[Champ hands him his phone and the man throws it out the window. Soon, they drive back to R.L. Stine’s house.]
Zach: Hey, hey, what happens now?
R.L. Stine: You go home, put on your PJs, get your blankie, you go nap-nap. In the morning, this will all feel like a bad dream.
Hannah: Dad, wait.
R.L. Stine: There’s no time. Start packing. We’re moving again.
Champ: So what do you wanna do now?
[They go into the house to see them packing.]
Hannah: But I don’t wanna leave. I like it here.
R.L. Stine: Hannah, you have to understand.
Hannah: I don’t have to understand anything. Why can’t I be normal for once?
R.L. Stine: Because we’re not a normal family. Now go get your things.
Hannah: I’m so over this.
R.L. Stine: Oh! Teenagers. (sees the two boys and nearly throws a statue at them) I could’ve killed you.
Champ: That was a terrible throw.
R.L. Stine: What are you doing here? Go home.
Zach: No. Not until you explain what's going on.
R.L. Stine: No, no. I can’t explain it.
Zach: We were almost just eaten by Frosty the Snowman, which should be impossible, by the way, so try.
R.L. Stine: Okay, look… (sighs) Where do I begin? When I was younger, I suffered from terrible allergies that kept me indoors. And all the kids threw rocks at my window and called me names. So, I created my own friends. Monsters, demons, ghouls to terrorize my neighborhood and all the kids that made fun of me. And they became real to me. And then one day, they actually... became real. My monsters literally leapt off the page. As long as the books remain locked, we're safe. But when they open, well, you've just seen what happens.
Champ: I’m allergic to dust mites.
R.L. Stine: What’s your point?
Champ: I’m just saying, I have allergies too. So I understand.
R.L. Stine: Why am I talking to you? (to Hannah) Hannah, let’s go. Hannah!
Hannah: I’m sorry.
Zach: Let’s go.
R.L. Stine: Hannah, you grab A to M. I’ll get M to Z. And keep the man-eating plant away from the bug-eyed aliens. (Sees the opened manuscript) Oh no. Not him.
???: Hello, Papa. 
[The gang turned around to see the monster of the story, Slappy the Dummy.]
Slappy: How long’s it been? Feels like forever. Who are your new friends?
Zach: We’re not friends.
Champ: Barely know him.
R.L. Stine: Slappy, it’s so nice to see you again.
Slappy: Did you miss me?
R.L. Stine: Of course I missed you.
[The lights went out and when they came back on, the dummy was in a different spot.]
Slappy: So, what’s the plan, friend? You must’ve brought me out for something fun. Terrorize the locals? Destroy the town? Let’s get silly!
R.L. Stine: You guessed it, Slappy. I’m going to destroy Madison, and I.. I couldn't do it without you.
Slappy: Aw, shucks. You’re giving me… Oh, what’s the word? Goosebumps. (laughs)
Champ: Oh, my God. He’s so creepy.
R.L. Stine: Oh, he is such a crack up.
[He makes his move toward the book.]
R.L. Stine: Such a clever dummy.
Slappy: Who are you calling dummy, dummy? (sees what he’s doing) You’re trying to put me back in?!
R.L. Stine: No, no, no, no. Don’t be silly.
Slappy: I know when you’re lying to me, Papa.
[The lights went out and then back on, this time, Slappy had the book.]
Slappy: You’ve made me very unhappy. He’s not going back on the shelf ever again.
R.L. Stine: Slappy, no. Wait!
[Slappy lights the manuscript on fire with a lit match.]
Slappy: I think it's time I started pulling the strings in this relationship. Tonight is gonna be the best story you've ever written. All of your children are coming out to play. (laughs evilly)
[As the lights went out and back on, the living dummy took the books away.]
Champ: Oh, thank God, he’s gone.
R.L. Stine: Oh, God. He’s gone. (sees the bookshelves now empty) And he's taken all the books.
[Outside, Slappy is in the Haunted Car and as they drive off, another book opens, and it was the lawn gnomes.]
Slappy: That one’s a real page-turner. (laughs evilly)
[In the house…]
R.L. Stine: Congratulations. You've just released a demon. A ventriloquist dummy with a serious Napoleonic complex. Even worse, he’s got friends with him.
Zach: I only opened one book, and now I see that was a mistake.
Hannah: The Snowman must’ve knocked Slappy’s book down.
R.L. Stine: I still blame him. I don’t like you, boy. (tries to open the door) It’s locked from the outside. Out the kitchen door. Go now.
[They see a garden gnome outside the house.]
Champ: Why is that there?
Zach: I don’t know.
[Garden gnomes appear in the kitchen.]
Zach: Maybe they’re friendly. (a knife stabs the wall and the gnomes get mean) Not friendly. Definitely not friendly.
[A gnome launched onto R.L. Stine.]
R.L. Stine: He’s stuck to my face! Definitely not friendly!
Champ: Hold on. I’ll save you!
[He uses a frying pan to shatter the gnome, as well as nearly knock out the author.]
Champ: I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Are you okay?
[As they fight off the gnomes, the gnomes tie up R.L. Stine, and try to have him sent to the oven. Zach uses a Swiffer to dispose of them.]
Zach: Help me. Help me. Get them off.
[They put the gnomes in the oven, destroying them.]
R.L. Stine: Untie me.
Champ: I imagined something different. ‘Come over to my house. There will be girls. I’m your wingman.’
[The gnomes start to reassemble.]
Champ: Oh, no, no, no.
Zach: We got to get out of here. We need to get to the basement.
R.L. Stine: It’s locked.
Zach: I picked it.
R.L. Stine: That’s breaking and entering!
[They run down the basement.]
R.L. Stine: Watch out for the bear traps.
Champ: Why’d it have to be bear traps?
Zach: All right. Come on. Hurry.
[As the bear traps broke the gnomes, the heroes got outside.]
R.L. Stine: Lock it! Lock it!
[They locked the basement door.]
Zach: Why couldn’t you have written stories about rainbows and unicorns?
R.L. Stine: Because that doesn’t sell 400 million copies.
Champ: Whoa. Domestic?
R.L. Stine: No, worldwide. It’s still very impressive. Shut up.
[They see bits of ember flying in the air.]
Hannah: What is that?
[They walk over and the burnt manuscripts]
Hannah: He's burning the books.
Zach: Why's he doing that?
R.L. Stine: So there’s no way to get the monsters back inside. It’s Slappy's revenge. Slappy's Revenge. That’s a good title.
[In the Haunted Car...]
Slappy: Sorry, folks. I’d slow down, but I can’t reach the brake. (throws away manuscript to release a plant monster) Hey, check out my new best seller. It’ll grow on you. Dropped calls are gonna be the least of this town’s problems. I’m driving myself crazy!
[He opens the books and throws them out. The freed Goosebumps monsters now run rampant in the streets of Madison. The connections were jammed, preventing any wi-fi and phone service. At the police station…]
Stevens: The town has been invaded. Communications are down. We’re talking mass chaos, and no one knows how to stop it. What do you think?
Brooks: I’m not sure. I… I’m not… I don’t know.
Stevens: It’s The Blob. The Blob. The original one with Steve McQueen. Oh, I can’t believe you don’t know that movie. Come over to my house. I got it on LaserDisc. We’ll wa-
[The lights went out.]
Stevens: Power went out again. God. All night with this. Well, these emergency lights should kick on soon. (spots Slappy) Somebody left their ventriloquist dummy.
Slappy: Who you calling dummy?!
Brooks: It’s talking. What is that thing?
Slappy: I come in peace. Unarmed. I just wanna read you a bedtime story.
Stevens: Sir, shut your mouth.
Slappy: (with his mouth closed) Okay, because that’s not gonna stop me.
Stevens: Put your hands where I can see them.
Slappy: Officers! You’ve been relieved of your duties. Now, freeze.
[The bug-eyed alien froze the cops. At Zach’s house…]
Lorraine: Hello? (spots a poodle on the doorway) Hello, cutie. You must be lost. Oh, and no tags. Well, let’s get you some water. We’ll take you around the neighborhood and we’ll find your owner. Is he handsome? Is he single?
[As she returned with water, she noticed the poodle floating and it bared its fangs at her. In town, Zach and the others witness the destruction and frozen people.]
Hannah: Everyone in town’s been frozen.
Champ: (spots one frozen person) Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Dad. Dad, what happened to..? (looks at the man closely) Wait. Oh. Oh, thank God. Guys, false alarm. It’s not my dad.
Hannah: What are we going to do?
R.L. Stine: Without those manuscripts, there’s nothing I can do.
Zach: If you wrote the monsters off the page, then maybe there’s a way you could write them back on.
Champ: Wait… Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Why don’t you just do that?
R.L. Stine: You have any idea how many stories I’d have to write to capture every monster I’ve created? I already have carpal tunnel in both hands.
Hannah: Dad, just listen to him. It's a great idea.
Zack: Just one. One story to capture them all.
R.L. Stine: Hmm, simple. Just one, one story, with every monster I’ve ever created. Brilliant. Really good idea. He’s a keeper.
Zach: You have a better idea?
R.L. Stine: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. A much better idea. No, not now. I don’t but..
Zach: Okay, then we gotta get you to a computer so you can start writing. There’s… There’s a computer store. Just break in.
R.L. Stine: No, no, no. I need my typewriter.
Zach: What?
R.L. Stine: Every story I’ve written was on that Smith Corona. It’s not just me. That typewriter is special. It has a soul of its own. If I write on anything else, it won’t work.
Zach: Where’s the typewriter?
R.L. Stine: Oh, don’t worry. It’s somewhere safe.
[The typewriter was in the high school hallways in a case. Zach’s mom is trying to get a signal.]
Ms. Cooper: Come on. Come on, come on, come on. Just give me one bar. This was working earlier.
[Someone came up behind her.]
Teacher: Brains. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I mean, I did to scare you, but in a playful way. So, uh, is everything okay?
Ms. Cooper: I’m sorry, I have to get a hold of my son, and I can’t get any service.
Teacher: Yeah. No one can tonight. It’s weird.
[Meanwhile, back with the gang...]
Zach: I don’t know what’s going on with my phone. I can’t get reception.
R.L. Stine: Slappy’s taken out the cell-phone towers. That’s what I’d do. He’s cutting us off. Isolating us.
[Suddenly, they hear a knock on the window.]
Champ: What was that?
[Hand marks appear on the window.]
R.L. Stine: Ugh, it’s the Invisible Boy. He’s a menace.
[The Invisible Boy slapped Champ.]
R.L. Stine: Shove him out the window. Roll up the window.
Zach: He’s got his tie!
Champ: Help! Help!
R.L. Stine: Hold on.
[He pushes the brake and the Invisible Boy falls off.]
Invisible Boy: Not cool!
R.L. Stine: Are you okay?
Champ: Yeah. Wait. Wait. Look out!
[They dodge some obstructions on the road.]
R.L. Stine: Are you okay?
Hannah: Yeah.
R.L. Stine: Everyone okay? It came out of nowhere.
[They saw something move. It was a giant praying mantis from A Shocker from Shock Street. They scream in horror.]
R.L. Stine: I don’t remember writing about a giant praying mantis. (the mantis spits) Right. Now I remember.
Zach: Get us out of here! What are you doing?
R.L. Stine: I can’t drive if I can’t see.
Zach: Just go!
[They drive off as the mantis chases after them.]
Champ: Oh, my God!
Zach: Watch out!
Champ: Stop driving straight!
Hannah: He’s catching up! 
Champ: Step on it!
Hannah: Turn right! 
R.L. Stine: Does someone else want to drive? I’ll pull over right now.
[The car headed for the Wayfield Food grocery store and toppled. The mantis stabbed the car, but luckily, the heroes were in the grocery store.]
Champ: Why’d you have to come up with something freaky?
R.L. Stine: I guess I have a knack for it. (the mantis drops the car) Oh, no. My Wagoneer. I had such low mileage on it.
Zach: How far are we from the high school?
Hannah: Not too far. We can cut through the cemetery. 
R.L. Stine: I'm sorry, a cemetery?
Hannah: God, relax. The high school’s just past the woods.
R.L. Stine: Wait, how do you know that?
Hannah: Uh, sometimes I get a little stir crazy and go exploring.
R.L. Stine: When?
Hannah: At night after you go to bed.
R.L. Stine: You’re grounded.
Hannah: That is so unfair.
R.L. Stine: No, it’s fair.
Zach: Guys, guys, you're bringing up good points, but let's keep moving while you argue.
R.L. Stine: Sneaking off in the middle of the night with strange people.
Champ: Unbelievable.
R.L. Stine: Shut it.
[They walk down the grocery store.]
Champ: Hey, hey, do you have a dollar I could borrow?
R.L. Stine: What? No. Why?
Champ: I’m parched.
R.L. Stine: Well, just take one. I’m sure they’ll understand.
Champ: Really? Ha! Lemonade, grape, or strawberry?
R.L. Stine: Good God, man. Here. (hands him orange drink) Orange.
[On Zach and Hannah...]
Zach: I don’t know what I was thinking. There is way more going on here than New York. What?
Hannah: [notices the wound on Zach] You cut yourself.
Zach: Is it bad?
Hannah: Uh, yeah. It’s really bad.
Zach: Is my face messed up?
Hannah: Yeah. Big time. You look exactly the same.
[They hear something in the store.]
Zach: Did you hear that?
[They see a werewolf rummaging through the meat department. It wasn’t just any werewolf. It was the Werewolf of Fever Swamp. Champ tries to open an orange soda bottle, but the fizzy sound caught the wolf’s attention. The wolf tracks them in an aisle, but they weren’t there. They were hiding. R.L. Stine sprayed some stuff on himself.]
Zach: What are you doing?
R.L. Stine: That’s the Werewolf of Fever Swamp. He can smell my scent. (sprays himself) No, it’s not working. I have to hide.
[The author hid under a fruit table. The wolf’s drool landed on his head. He struggled not to make a sound.]
Hannah: Do something.
[Zach throws a chew toy and the werewolf goes after it.]
Zach: Come on, come on. Come on.
R.L. Stine spits off the drool, attracting the werewolf.
Zach: Come on. Go, go, go!
[The monster chased after them.]
R.L. Stine: He’s on our tail. Go.
Champ: Go! He's right behind us!
[R.L. Stine runs into a shopping cart.]
R.L. Stine: I’m stuck. Help me get out.
[Zach pushesthe cart.]
R.L. Stine: What are you doing?
Zach: There’s no time.
R.L. Stine: I said get me out of here.
Zach: Gotta go. There’s no time.
R.L. Stine: I said get me out… Oh, no. Keep going. He’s chasing us.
Zach: I’m going as fast as I can. (to the others) Just go. We’re right behind you.
Champ: Okay!
[The author falls off the shopping cart.]
Zach: Come on. We gotta go. Get up. Get up.
[They ran for the door and locked it outside.]
R.L. Stine: Ha! Let’s see him get through that.
[The werewolf thumped on the door.]
Zach: Go, go. Run, run!
[It broke through the door and went after them. The gang tried to open a door.]
Champ: It’s locked.
R.L. Stine: This way.
[They were cornered by the werewolf, with no way to turn. Soon, a car bumped it into the dumpster. It was driven by Lorraine, who survived the vampire poodle attack.]
Lorraine: I’m okay. (airbag hits her) I’m still okay!
Hannah: Who is that?
Zach: It’s my aunt Lorraine. Oh, my gosh. I think I killed that bear.
Hannah: It was actually a werewolf.
Lorraine: What?
Zach: Aunt Lorraine, what are you doing here?
Lorraine: This is the back of my store. I didn’t know where else to go. I can’t get ahold of your mother or the cops or anyone... (sees R.L. Stine) Hello.
R.L. Stine: Uh, hi. Hello.
Lorraine: Hi. I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced. Um... I’m… I’m Lorraine.
R.L. Stine: Hello. R.L. Stine. We owe you a great debt of gratitude. Your reckless driving saved our lives.
Lorraine: Oh, that old thing?
Zach: Lorraine. Lorraine. Lorraine. We don’t have time. I need you to go to the police station and tell them to meet us at the high school. All right? Can you do that?
Lorraine: I can do that. Okay. Oh, did you wanna exchange numbers?
R.L. Stine: It’s not a good time, but yes!
[Our heroes go to the cemetery.]
Champ: Oh, God, this is a bad idea. (steps on something) What was that? (trips over something)
R.L. Stine: Are you okay?
Champ: Yeah. Just a root.
R.L. Stine: So how did you get the nickname "Champ"?
Champ: It’s not a nickname.
R.L. Stine: Wait. That's your real name? Is it short for something?
Champ: My full name is Champion.
R.L. Stine: Your actual name is Champion. (giggles) Sorry.
Champ: My dad won a bronze back in the ‘92 Olympics.
R.L. Stine: Really?
Champ: My mom, she was an all-American sprinter and a two-time world debate champion. So they named me ‘Champ.’
[On Zach and Hannah...]
Zach: Hey, you know, if you’re scared, I can hold your hand.
Hannah: Please, you’re the scaredy cat.
[Her hoodie gets caught by a statue.]
Zach: Wait, wait. Hold on. It’s okay. It’s just a statue. All right? You’re fine. It’s all right. All right? Just give me a sec. It’s... it’s caught on your jacket.
Hannah: My hero.
Zach: (frees her hoodie) There. You’re free to go.
[As he leans over to kiss, the moonlight shone on Hannah, revealing a big secret. She was a ghost.]
Hannah: What is it?
Zach: Nothing.
Hannah: Are you sure?
[The moonlight was gone, reverting her to human form.]
Zach: Yeah. Yeah, totally. I’m..
[Suddenly, out of the ground came graveyard ghouls. One hand grabbed Zack, making him fall.]
Zach: Run!
R.L. Stine: Ghouls. Go, go.
[They run off from the ghouls.]
Champ: Oh, they’re getting closer!
[The gang went through the gates, but the author was stuck between them. ]
R.L. Stine: Go on without me. Save yourself.
Champ: Okay. Good luck. (runs off)
R.L. Stine: No, I didn’t mean it, Champion! What kind of monster would take me up on that offer?
[Zach and Hannah pull the author out of the gates.]
R.L. Stine: I’ll kill him. Where is that little imbecile? Wait for us, you coward!
[Meanwhile…]
Lorraine: All right. Okay, Lorraine. You got this. Just tell the cops to head to the high school and that everyone’s in trouble. You can do this. Okay. (hits a door) Oh! Nope. Wrong door.
[She went inside the police station.]
Lorraine: Hello? Is anyone in here? (uses speaker) Calling all cops, calling all the cops. Head to the high school. My nephew’s in trouble. He’s with R.L. Stine. They think they know how to stop all this. Hello? Can anyone hear me?
Slappy: I can hear you. Officer Slappy, ready to protect and serve.
Lorraine: Oh, my goodness. You’re…
Slappy: Don’t do it.
Lorraine: A talking...
Slappy: Don't say it.
Lorraine: Dummy.
Slappy: You said it. 
[The bug-eyed aliens froze her.]
Slappy: You have the right to remain silent.
[The heroes were now in high school, looking for the typewriter.]
R.L. Stine: Where did they put my typewriter? I know it was this way. It might’ve been the other way. We should split up.
Champ: What? No. Have you ever read one of your books? We’re never supposed to split up.
Hannah: Come on. How many display cases could there be?
[Zach ushers R.L. Stine to a science room.]
R.L. Stine: You’re touching me.
Zach: Yeah. Hang on a second. Hannah doesn’t know, does she?
R.L. Stine: She doesn’t know what?
Zach: That she’s not real. She thinks she’s a person, okay? Not just some figment of your imagination. How could... How could you lie to her?
R.L. Stine: I was trying to protect her!
Zach: Oh, yeah? Well, good job with that.
R.L. Stine: This gift of mine is a curse. You have no idea how lonely it’s been until Hannah. She’s different. I wrote her in such a way that she thinks she’s real, and she is real to me, Zach. I don’t expect you to understand.
Zach: Actually, I do.
R.L. Stine: I’m afraid of losing her. And the truth is, I’m afraid of being alone. I suppose I stopped connecting with real people when I was your age.
Zach: After my dad died, I shut everyone out too. Maybe we can both start over, if we’re alive tomorrow.
[Hannah comes by to see them.]
Hannah: There you are. Are you okay? You look like you just saw a ghost. Okay. Well, come on. We found the typewriter.
[They finally found the typewriter in a glass case.]
R.L. Stine: Oh, my sweet darling. I’ve missed you so much. (kisses the typewriter)
Zach: Alright, so start writing.
R.L. Stine: Yes, but what’s the story?
Zach: What do you mean? Monsters lose, good guys win, the end.
R.L. Stine: No, no, no. It doesn’t work unless it’s a real Goosebumps story, with twists and turns and frights. Not to mention some personal growth for our hero.
Zach: What?
R.L. Stine: Go to the gym. Warn everyone. Tell them to barricade the school.
Hannah: Where are you going?
R.L. Stine: To find someplace to write. Slappy’s going to come for me. I have a deadline, literally. Now go.
[He went to the theater room, where the play was based on Stephen King’s The Shining.]
R.L. Stine: Unbelievable.
[Back at the gym, every student was partying.]
Zach: Come on. We got to get to the stage.
Hannah: So this is what a high-school dance is like.
Zach: Uh, yeah. Usually, the dancing’s better. But you get the idea.
[Ms. Cooper spots Zach in the crowd.]
Ms. Cooper: Zach.
Zach: Mom.
Ms. Cooper: Zach. I was so worried. I couldn’t get ahold of you or Lorraine.
Zach: I know. I know. Mom, everyone here is in danger. We have to barricade the school.
Ms. Cooper: Oh no. Zach, not this again.
Hannah: He’s telling you the truth. I’m Hannah. I live next door.
Champ: (uses microphone) Alright. Everyone, listen up, okay? Everybody, I got something to say. Listen to my best friend Zach. (to Zach) Just.. Just tell them.
Zach: Thanks, Champ. Yeah. Alright. Um.. This is going to sound insane, but monsters have invaded Madison.
[The kids laughed. They thought it was just a prank.]
Champ: He’s telling the truth. He’s not making this up.
Zach: They’ve blocked every road out of town, they’ve torn down the cell towers, and we’ve been cut off from the rest of the world. And they could be coming for us any second, so we need to work to…
Mr. Boyd: He’s right. The Boogeyman and he’s picking his nose.
[They laughed again.]
Zach: I’m not making…
Mr. Boyd: [notices something outside] Ahh! There’s a giant bug, and it’s eating everyone’s car!
Student: Dude, give it up.
Mr. Boyd: No, seriously.
[The giant mantis bursts through a wall and grabs him. A massive bug eye appeared on the wall. Everyone screamed.]
Zach: They’re here.
[Outside…]
Slappy: Ha ha! Now this is a real homecoming.
[Inside…]
Zach: All right. Everyone, everyone, everyone calm down. Okay? I know.. I know what to do, but I can’t do it by myself.
[Outside…]
Slappy: Take this. Invite the rest of our friends to the party.
[He hands the key to the gnomes, who use it to open every other manuscripts, unleashing more creations. Back inside...]
Zach: Look. Those things out there, they’re R.L. Stine’s monsters. He’s here, and he can fix this, but we need to buy him time to write. And don’t worry. He’s a very quick writer.
[In the theater, R.L. Stine was busy typing up the story.]
R.L. Stine: The night was cold. Cold was the night. (throws away the paper)
[The manuscripts were all burnt, preventing any monster from being sucked back in.]
Slappy: Come close. Don’t be shy. You don’t wanna miss the show.
[In the school, Zach got out a map.]
Zach: All right, everyone. These are all the exits. Find anything you can to barricade the doors, because we cannot let the monsters inside.
Teacher: Come on, guys. We don’t have a lot of time. Stack them up there. Stack them up.
[The students stack chairs to barricade the doors. Back with the monsters…]
Slappy: All my friends in one place. I've never been so happy. I don't want this day to end. And it doesn't have to... as long as we get rid of Stine. Charge!
[They charg at the school in rage. Flying bugs enter through the windows and Zach uses some swords to strike at them. The tiny but lethal robots blast the chairs away, allowing the monsters entry.]
Taylor: We should be helping.
Boyfriend: We should be leaving.
[The Werewolf of Fever Swamp shows up, and the boyfriend cowardly ran away.]
Taylor: What? What? Where are you going? We are so… (wolf gets in the way) through. Please, no. Please.
[Suddenly, Champ latched onto the wolf and bit him. The wolf ran off in pain.]
Taylor: How did you do that?
Champ: Oh, um… Silver fillings. I have a ton of cavities. When I was 10, I didn’t brush my teeth for a whole year. Ugh, werewolf hair. (Taylor hugs him)
Taylor: You saved my life, ‘Chump.’
Champ: It’s actually Champ.
[They kiss.]
Champ: I was just gonna say ‘hug me again,’ but yeah, yeah, that works too.
[Back with the others…]
Hannah: We can’t keep this up. There’s too many.
Zach: We have to get to Stine. Let’s go.
Hannah: Okay.
[In the theater…]
R.L. Stine: All the monsters had converged. The vicious vampire bats, the praying mantis, the haunted mask..
Slappy: Forgetting somebody?
R.L. Stine: Slappy. How did you find me?
Slappy: I know you. I created you. Or is it the other way around? I always forget. We’re so similar.
[The lights shined, and he was gone.]
R.L. Stine: Slappy? Slappy?
[Slappy appeared behind him.]
Slappy: Hi. (reads text) ‘Everyone in the high school joined forces to defeat Slappy and his monsters.’ Hmm. But Slappy had other ideas.
R.L. Stine: No.
[Slappy closed the briefcase on him, hurting his hands.]
Hannah: Dad!
[The lights shone again and Slappy disappeared.]
Zach: Are you okay?
R.L. Stine: That dumb dummy broke my fingers. I was almost finished. Only one or two pages left.
Zach: Well, forget two pages. Write two words: "the end."
R.L. Stine: It doesn’t work like that.
Announcer: (over PA) School-wide announcement: Monsters have overwhelmed Madison High. Retreat in an orderly fashion to the storage room. I repeat, retreat in an orderly fashion to the storage room.
[Everyone in the school ran for their lives.]
Zach: We’ll figure this out later, all right? Let’s go.
R.L. Stine: Follow me.
[They grab the briefcase and typewriter and run out the hallways.]
Zach: Come on, go!
[As they ran, a plant monster got Hannah.]
Zach: Hannah.
[He swats off the venus fly traps and rescues Hannah.]
R.L. Stine: Close it. Close it.
[After they shut the doors, the moonlight shines on Hannah, showing her ghost form. The light disappeared and she was human.]
Zach: Are you okay?
Hannah: Yeah. Yeah. Thanks.
R.L. Stine: Come with me.
Champ: Wait. Wait, she’s a…
Zach: Yes, and I don’t care.
[They, along with the students and faculty staff, run to the room and blocked the doors, preventing entry to the monsters.]
Zach: Wait. Mom, Mom, Mom. You okay?
Ms. Cooper: Yeah.
Champ: What do we do? They’ll get through.
Zach: I don’t know. I don’t know.
R.L. Stine: Slappy wants me. That's who he's after. Listen to me, if I can lure them away in one of those buses, I know that they'll follow me and you'll all be safe.
Hannah: I’m coming with you.
R.L. Stine: No, I need to do this alone. I’ve been running from people for a long time. I was so angry at the real world that I created these terrible monsters. But I’m not mad anymore. It’s my fault, not this town’s. Not yours.
Hannah: Then there’s gotta be another way.
R.L. Stine: Hannah, sweetheart, it’s time for me to face my demons.
Champ: I believe in you.
R.L. Stine: Shut up! I’m sorry. I mean, shut up.
Zach: I have an idea.
[Later, R.L. Stine get onboard one of the buses and rides out of the school.]
Slappy: Oh, Papa. There’s no escaping from us. Bring him to me.
[The monsters rush to the bus and stop it by attacking it. Little did they know that the bus they attacked was a bomb. The author was on another bus with the gang.]
R.L. Stine: Did it work?
Zach: Not yet. Come on. Come on, work.
[The monsters open the fake bus, and it blows them up.]
R.L. Stine: Yes! High five. (Zach high fives him) Oh, boy. Bad idea.
Zach: Sorry.
[Everyone at school saw the whole thing through the windows and cheered. 
Ms. Cooper: Yes. It worked. Oh, be careful, Zach.
Coach Carr: We're gonna get through this.
Ms. Cooper: Not a good time.
[Back with the gang, they arrived at the woods.]
R.L. Stine: Okay. It was clear there was only one place left to hide.
Zach: I can’t type while walking.
R.L. Stine: Then commit it to memory. There was one place to hide. It was the, uh, arcade gallery.
Hannah: There is no arcade gallery.
R.L. Stine: Okay. That was, in fact, the funhouse!
Champ: Wait, guys. Why don’t we just sit at one of these tables? Come on. Guys!
[As they went into the funhouse, the monsters reassembled.]
Slappy: Follow the scent. Lead me to Stine.
[In the funhouse…]
R.L. Stine: Stine’s ingenious plan worked to perfection. The funhouse was terrifying. Not so much for Stine as it was for the others. But it offered refuge from the real terrors that lurked outside.
Slappy: You wish.
R.L. Stine: He found us. Quickly. Follow me.
Slappy: Papa, you left without saying goodbye. Trying to hide from me? That’s like hiding from yourself. I was your best friend, and you turned your back on me. Locked me up, imprisoned me in the pages of a book. You stuck me on a shelf for years and years. The key was right there. And you never used it.
R.L. Stine: You’re not real, Slappy. I created you. I can write you out.
[Slappy appears holding a book.]
Slappy: I've been saving this monster just for you. Say hello to my gelatinous friend!
R.L. Stine: Run!
[Slappy opened the book, releasing the Blob that Ate Everything.]
R.L. Stine: It's the Blob that Ate Everything! Don't let it touch you! We need to get to higher ground.
Hannah: The Ferris wheel.
R.L. Stine: Zach, you go on ahead. I’ll hold it off. You finish the book.
Zach: What? What do I write? What’s the end?
R.L. Stine: The story I’ve been writing. It’s what happening right now. You can do this. End it.
[As the teens went up the Ferris wheel, Stine sacrificed himself for the blob to catch him.]
Hannah: Dad!
Zach: Hannah, he’s gonna be okay, all right? We have to finish the book.
Hannah: Okay.
Slappy: Not so fun, is it? 
[On top of the ferris wheel, Zach started typing.]
Zach: Here we go. Okay.
Slappy: How do you like it, Papa? The world is just outside your grasp, but you can’t move. You’re trapped. That’s what it felt like to be locked inside your books. Wait. The book. Where is it?
Zach: (typing) As the monsters converged, Zach closed his eyes, and the monsters were swallowed back into the world of paper and ink.
Champ: Can you type any faster?
Zach: This is my first time using a typewriter.
Hannah: Keep going. 
Champ: They’re coming! What are we going to do?!
Hannah: Finish it, Zach.
Zach: (typing) One by one, the monsters disappeared back into the book, never to be seen again. The end. (gets the papers out)
Champ: What happens now?
Zach: We’re about to find out.
[The giant mantis clangs at the Ferris wheel, making it roll through the woods.]
Champ: We’re all gonna die!
Zach: Just hold on! Hold on tight!
Champ: Where’s the seatbelt in this thing?
[They rolled downhill and landed on a broken bus. They got off the wheel.]
Hannah: Okay. Hurry up. All the monsters will be here any second.
Zach: All the monsters.
Champ: Wait. What are you waiting for? Come on, open the book.
Zach: Hannah, there’s something that you need to know, and you’re not gonna..
Hannah: Open the book, Zach.
Zach: No, no, you don’t understand. If we open the book, that means...
Hannah: It means I’ll be stuck on a shelf someplace forever.
Zach: You knew?
Hannah: How many sweet sixteens can one girl have? Zach, it’s time to move on. Now, open the book, you scaredy cat.
Zach: No.
Champ: (takes the book) Okay. Then I'll open it.
[He opens it and throws it to the ground causing all monsters to go inside the book. Hannah was getting sucked in as well, but Zach held on to her.]
Zach: Wait, Hannah, I’ve got you. Maybe if I hold onto you tight enough...
Hannah: You have to let go, Zach.
[Back with R.L. Stine, he was free from the Blob, but Slappy attacked him.]
Slappy: Slappy’s not happy!
R.L. Stine: Neither is Stine! Stupid dummy! (Kicks Slappy)
Slappy: See you in your dreams! (Evil laugh)
[The evil dummy was sucked back in.]
Hannah: You’ll be okay. I’ll always be in your imagination, which is really where I belong. I’m just sad we never got to share a dance. (kisses Zach)
[Zach let go as she was sucked in the book leaving Champ to close it for good. Stine arrived in time noticing the sad look on Zach, believing that Hannah sacrificed herself. The next day, everyone went back to the high school. Zach was with his mom in the car.]
Ms. Cooper: Okay. I’ll give you a 60-second head start.
Zach: It’s okay, Mom. Let’s go in together. (Ms. Cooper locks the car door) So mature.
Ms. Cooper: You love it.
[They went into the school, where R.L. Stine was on his first day being a teacher. Lorraine was there with him.]
Lorraine: You okay? You breathing? You’re gonna be great. Okay? You look great. You smell great. (smells him) My God, what is that?
R.L. Stine: I rub myself in cilantro every morning.
Lorraine: Of course you do, my sexy little salsa.
R.L. Stine: Go on.
Lorraine: Okay, I’m off to work. Oh, what did I have for you? (blows him a kiss) There it is. (R.L. Stine blows it) Oh. Oh. Went too far. Got it.
[The author goes to the classroom, where Zach and Champ attend.]
R.L. Stine: Hello. Ahem. My name is Mr. R.L. Stine, and I will be your new English teacher, because Mr. Boyd is still recuperating from injuries sustained in a mutant-insect attack. Now... every story ever told can be broken into three distinct parts. The beginning, the middle, and the twist.
[After class, Zach walks past another teacher.]
Mr. Black: Hello, Mr. Stine.
R.L. Stine: Hello, Mr. Black.
Zach: Uh, who was that?
R.L. Stine: He’s the new drama teacher.
Zach: Can I ask you something?
R.L. Stine: Of course.
Zach: Do you miss her?
R.L. Stine: Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her. But she’ll always be in here.. (points to his brain) and in there. (points to Zach’s heart) And right here.. (points to Zach’s brain) and in there. (points to his heart) And also right over there. (points down the halls)
[Zach sees Hannah in the hallways.]
R.L. Stine: I may have written one more book.
Zach: Hannah.
[Zach hugs Hannah as they are reunited once again.]
Zach: You’re.. You’re real. You came back.
Hannah: I had to. You owe me a dance.
[R.L. Stine lights the manuscript on fire and puts it in the trash.]
Zach: Come on. Let’s go.
[The two went off in their ways. R.L. Stine walked past a trophy case, but something was up. His typewriter started typing. It said, ‘The Invisible Boy’s Revenge.’ As they forgot one monster left.]
Invisible Boy: You forgot about me.
[R.L. Stine screamed as the film comes to an end. Roll credits.]
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