Pinkie PiePants: EQG Edition: The Fry Cook Games

“Welcooooooommmmeee, sports fans!” greeted Vinyl Scratch, the sports announcer for the day. “Welcome, one and all to the grand revival of the Fry Cook Games!”
As the sounds of trumpets and horns now boisterously clamored throughout the interior of the Fast Food Coliseum, a small, scrawny teenager can be seen sprinting towards the arena, holding a lit torch-burger on a fork. When he got to the arena, he ran up a pedestal to a giant hamburger.
“I declare these Fry Cook Games….. open!”
However, as he started to light the giant sandwich, the wind soon picked up and blew the fire away from the torch. As the crowd gasped in shock, the live broadcasting of the event suddenly cut to a “Please Stand By” screen. Once everything resolved, the brass section played their entrance music once more and the teenager was seen once again running towards the stadium; this time, trying to keep the torch lit by shielding it from the wind.
He arrived at the giant hamburger once more…..
“*pant* *pant* I declare these Fry Cook Games…… OPEN!!!”
…..and successfully lit it. But as the crowd cheered him on however, he suddenly caught on fire as well.
“Ooooookay…. ” winced Vinyl. “Uh… someone get him an ambulance please? Okay, now where were we? Oh, yeah! Ahem….. So begins the brand new Fry Cook Games! I'm your host, DJ P0N-3, and let me just say that it is a beautiful day here in our very own Fast Food Coliseum!”
A clip show of previous Fry Cook Games events played while Vinyl commentated.
It first showed a woman throwing a giant straw into a large cup like a javelin…..
“They come from everywhere microwaves hum…..”
Then to a man throwing an uncooked burger patty onto a faraway grill….
“Patties sizzle….”
And finally to a man jumping onto a large cube of gelatin and landing on a mat.
“And heat lamps keep the fast food spirit warm…… and soggy! Heh….”
Meanwhile, Twilight Sparkle had just arrived at the arena, and took her seat next to Sunset Shimmer.
“Hey, Sunset! Thanks for inviting me to the revival of the Fry Cook Games!”
“Aw, it's no prob, Twi!”
“So… what exactly are the Fry Cook Games?”
“Well, traditionally held after the Friendship Games, they're essentially an age-old fast food-themed sporting competition-”
“-Wait, wait, wait! Uh, fast food-themed sporting competition?!” said Twilight as she pushed in her glasses in disbelief.
“Yeah, I know. Seriously, they started doing this thing for both CHS and Crystal Prep since long before we were born!”
“Hmm… interesting. So why'd they stop doing it then?”
“They had to cut down on the budget, so we haven't had one for 30 years until now.”
Vinyl continued. “But the real story here is the friendly, yet bitter rivalry between Canterlot High School and Crystal Prep!”
Another clip show began, this time showing the accomplishments of various CHS and Crystal Prep alumni.
“Who could forget the year that CHS won gold for this five-hundred pickle clean-and-jerk?! Not Crystal Prep…… Or what about the time Crystal Prep won the hearts of millions by performing this perfect onion ring routine?! With a broken leg, no less? CHS wasn't moved…..”
“See, Twilight?!” pointed out Sunset Shimmer. “What'd I tell ya?”
“Well I can certainly see why budget cuts had to be made…..”
“And now word of mouth has it that this year, CHS will be represented by a new competitor! On what is perhaps the greatest day of her young life!”
“Wow, Sunset, I wonder who could it be?”
“Well, we'll see soon enough.”
…….
…….
“This is perhaps the greatest day of my young life, Rainbow Dash!” exclaimed Pinkie Pie, fully decked out in sports gear.
Twilight immediately spat out her drink. “Wait, what?! Pinkie's competing?!”
“Well, why am I not surprised?”
“I can't believe that I'm representing CHS in the Fry Cook Games!” said Pinkie as she jogged in place before putting her hand over her heart. “To bring home the gold, is to bring honor and glory to Canterlot High School! *squee*”
“And all that free publicity could be good for bringing in new students as well raising money for the new library renovation!” replied Rainbow Dash dressed in a sports hoodie. “So don't lose! Ya got that?!”
“Aye, aye, captain!”
“I can't hear you!”
“AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!!!”
“Now get out there and bring home the gold, Pinkie!”
“Okay!” responded Pinkie before doing pushups. “CHS! CHS! CHS! CHS!”
“Hey, Pinkie!” greeted Sonata Dusk.
“CHS! CHS! CHS! C- oh, hi, Sonata! CHS! CHS! CHS! CHS!”
Sonata soon took note of Pinkie's pushups. “Uh, Pinks? Are you trying to move the ground? You'll never move it like that! Ya gotta get under……neath it!” bellowed Sonata as she ripped up the patch of grass from under Pinkie.
Pinkie rolled her eyes. “C'mon, Sonata, I gotta go train for the games!”
“*gasp* Games? Eee! Can I play?”
“Eh, sorry, Sonata. Ya have to be a fry cook...” Pinkie replied as she started jump-roping.
“Be a fry cook? Is that all I gotta do? That'll be easy!”
Pinkie immediately paused. “Whaddya mean easy?”
“Oh, pfft! How hard can it be?”
“They don't just let anyone be a fry cook, Sonata! We're an elite corp!”
“C'mon, all you're doin' is just flippin' patties and-”
“Hey! Flipping is not as easy as it sounds!”
Sonata immediately noticed a flat rock on the ground and flipped it over with her foot with ease.
“Ssssss…..”
Pinkie was now annoyed. “D'oh, why don'tcha go home, Sonata?! You can go compete in the “Lying In Bed And Doing Nothing All Day” games!”
“Grrr…. Well at least I don't polish my fingernails!”
“*gasp* You take that back!” Pinkie scolded as her fingernail twinkled.
“Fingernails, fingernails, fingernails!!!!”
Pinkie however, took note of something. “Oh really now, you don't polish 'em?!
Sonata stammered at her hypocrisy. “Uh, uh, uh, uh?!?!”
“Aha! You can't even come up with another comeback!”
“Rrrgh, PINK!”
“*gasp* BLUE!”
Pinkie and Sonata growled at each other before promptly walking off in opposite directions, with the former resuming her pushups, albeit faster and more aggressive.
“CHS! CHS! CHS! CHS!”
Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash was just minding her own business until she noticed something.
“Hey, what's that smell in the air? *sniff sniff* Hmm…. I smell…. Indigo Zap!”
Indigo Zap was now seen standing at the entranceway of the stadium.
“Oh, yeah?! Well I smell- *sniff sniff* Man, she's right! I gotta tone down on the perfume!”
Rainbow Dash and Indigo Zap immediately began to charge at each other, only for their feet to make a twinkling sound as they did. Realizing this, they took it upon themselves to humorously make theatrical-style poses and play music corresponding with the sounds, with Rainbow Dash playing piano and Indigo Zap blowing into a tuba, messing up the rhythm.
“Heh, heh. I love messin' things up….”
Rainbow and Indigo soon came face-to-face with each other.
“Are ya ready to do or die, Rainbow?”
“Always ready, Indigo….”
“Good. Because here, Crystal Prep is going to kick. Your. BUTT!”
“Heh heh heh, that's what you think, Indigo! But I got me a champion! Show 'er, Pinkie!”
Pinkie had now performed a nunchuck kata using two spatulas, only for her to laugh sheepishly at the end of her routine.
“Look at her…. in her prime. You ain't got no chance!”
“That's where your wrong, Dash! For I too have a champion!” replied Indigo as she grabbed a microphone. “Ahem. Ladies and gentlemen! If you would so kindly direct your attention to the southwest corridor!”
The crowd had listened to what Indigo said, only for them to turn to the southeast corridor.
“*facepalm* Other way…. imbeciles…..” she muttered to herself. “Aaaannnd…... STOP! Perfect…. Now, representing Crystal Prep…. a creature so fearsome…..”
A large shadow now appeared in the entranceway, making loud stomps along the way as two parents immediately shielded their child's eyes.
“So terrible….”
Rainbow Dash soon cowered in fear and rapidly pulled the drawstrings of her hoodie closed with one of her eyes peeking through.
“So mind-bendingly terrifying, that those of you with weak constitutions may want to leave the stadium!”
“Uh, uh, uh, I gotta get outta here!!!” screamed a muscular, yet trembling student from the bleachers.
“Too late!” replied Indigo. “Now, behold! Quake with fear, you mortal fools. Bow down before the awesome might of….”
*crash*
“This huge guy who's carrying the real contestant, Sonata Dusk!” introduced Indigo as the dust cleared from the blasting through of the entranceway.
“Hey, everyone!” Sonata greeted as she waved to the audience.
Pinkie however, just stood there in shock. “Wha-huh?! Sonata?! What are you doing here?! You're not a fry cook!”
“Oh, yes I am! Lookie here!”
Pinkie observed Sonata's student ID Card. “Wait, what?! You transferred to Crystal Prep?!”
“Mhm! I've been a Shadowbolt and a fry cook for almost five minutes!”
“Rrrgh, well it doesn't matter anyway, 'cause I'm gonna make you eat my dust!”
“Nuh-uh! I'm eating my own dust!”
“Not if I eat it first!”
“Pink!”
“Blue!”
Pinkie stormed off angrily and walked towards Rainbow Dash with Sonata doing the same whilst walking towards Indigo Zap.
“Aw, I can't believe it, Dashie! I thought Sonata was my friend!”
Rainbow scoffed. “Friend? Hah! Not in here, she ain't!”
“Whaddya mean?”
“She's really not your friend!” explained Indigo.
“She's not?” questioned Sonata in disbelief.
“Hell no! As a matter of fact, she's plotting your downfall right now!”
“She is?” asked a bewildered Pinkie.
“Duh!” replied Rainbow. “And ya know what else?! She's gonna stab you in the back!”
“She wouldn't!”
“Oh but in fact, she would! Just look at her: Pink…. the color of evil!”
“She's making a mockery of your profession and your status! Are we gonna let some “pretender” take away what belongs to CHS?!”
“Heck no!”
“Then get mean!”
“I'm mean!” Sonata answered determinedly.
“Get angry!”
“I'm angry!” yelled Pinkie.
Indigo continued. “Now get out there….”
“And win….” Rainbow continued.
“That….”
“Medal!!!!” shouted Rainbow and Indigo in unison.
“Yaahhh!!!” bellowed Pinkie.
“Aaahhhh!!!!!!” roared Sonata.
“RAAHHHH!!!!!” screamed Pinkie and Sonata simultaneously.
…….
…….
…….
“Aaaahhhhh…...” meekly screamed the giant man who carried Sonata on his back.
A few moments later, and after some final adjustments, the Fry Cook Games had now officially begun with its first event.
“Now, for our first event….” Vinyl commentated. “The Deep Fry Pole Vault!”
The Deep Fry Pole Vault challenge was simple: it was the same as a regular pole-vaulting event, however the athlete must be careful not to fall into a giant deep-fryer which had the label, “Fry King”.
Pinkie, with pole in hand, was now raring to go. Rainbow Dash was calmly motivating her.
“Win this one for CHS, Pinkie.” she whispered.
“*deep breath* FOR CHS!!!!!!”
Pinkie charged towards the fryer as fast she could, firmly planting the pole into the planting box, and then flipping over the crossbar. However, she traveled a little too far and missed the padded landing area, landing painfully onto the hard ground, face-first. The crowd reeled back in horror, only for a seemingly unharmed Pinkie to pull out a “Number 1” sign with the crowd cheering in amusement.
Sonata was the next one to go.
“Win this one because I told you to.” Indigo whispered.
“BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME TO!!!!! HAAHHH!!!”
Just like Pinkie before, she charged forward and had managed to get over the crossbar; but landed on the handle of the fryer, flinging the hot oil out. Meanwhile, two food vendors were pulling a cart full of tens of thousands of raw fish. The hot oil that was flung out of the fryer soon landed on the fish, somehow turning them into freshly-cooked fish sticks.
The vendors then smiled at each other, and both excitedly yelled out “Fish sticks! Get yer fish sticks here!”
“Now for our second event….” Vinyl commentated. “The Ice Cream Maker Challenge!”
“Ice Cream Maker Challenge?” questioned Twilight. “What's that?”
Sunset explained as she ate her fish sticks. “The Ice Cream Maker Challenge consists of the contestant making an ice cream dish as fast as they can within a time limit.”
“Well, it's nice to see that there's actually an event for some food preparation.”
Pinkie, decked out in a vintage-looking soda jerk outfit, walked up to a table.
“For her round, Pinkie will be attempting full Banana Fudge Bomb Pops!” Vinyl stated. “And now, absolute silence.”
Pinkie closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “….. I scream….. for ice cream! Hyah!”
She immediately tossed the ingredients into her party cannon and shot them out into the air. She then leaped high up into the air herself, and instantly went to work. With ninja-like accuracy, she tossed spoonfuls of a chocolate and banana pudding mix into rectangular-shaped ice cream molds, and stuck popsicle sticks into the molds by throwing them like shurikens. She then later tossed the ice cream molds into an instant-freezer where in a few minutes, the ice cream was already completed.
“Ta-da!” Pinkie exclaimed as she presented her fudge pops.
“Well, color me impressed, folks!” Vinyl said. “That's some of the finest ice cream-making I ever saw!”
The crowd then roared with excitement, with Twilight being only flabbergasted.
“I-I…. what?!”
“Oh yeah, I forgot to tell ya: make it as unnecessarily flashy as possible.” said Sunset.
“But I'm not done yet!” Pinkie said as she lept high into the air once more and tossed her fudge pops up.
Taking out a bowl of chocolate fudge, she tossed spoonfuls of it at the ice cream, and later coated them in almonds, which for some reason wowed the crowd even more.
“And what's this?! Toasted almonds, that's unexpected! But just when you thought it couldn't get any better, folks!”
Pinkie, happily eating her dish, walked by Sonata and only sneered.
“Top that…. Blue.”
Indigo was now infuriated. “Almonds?! Damn her, that's good. But perhaps a bit too highbrow for this crowd. She thinks she's better than them!”
Sonata groaned.
“Better than you!”
Sonata groaned even louder.
“Now get out there and show 'em how the common girl prepares her frozen dairy treats!”
Sonata now groaned her loudest and immediately ran up to the table.
“Sonata will now be resurrecting an old favorite: The Single Scoop Strawberry Cone With a Chocolate Dip! But for some reason, she'll be doing it in a ninja costume. Oh well….”
“Oh, man.” groaned Twilight. “What's she up to?”
In her ninja garb, Sonata briefly scanned the ingredients before her, then sat down, closed her eyes, and began to meditate. Then without warning, she opened her eyes and karate-chopped the table, throwing the ingredients up in the air before leaping up herself. Then she drew her ninjato and in a flash, slashed quickly in multiple directions. Then after landing onto to the ground, all the ingredients were cut out of their packaging and fell into place onto the table, somehow making perfect-looking strawberry cones with a chocolate dip. After some brief silence, the crowd cheered even louder.
Vinyl was speechless. “Uh…. I…. uh….. Ladies and gentlemen, forget what I said before! Sonata's routine has just earned her the point!”
Sonata then took a bow of honor and walked over to Pinkie with a smug grin on her face.
“Hah! Take that, Pink-ie!”
“Laugh it up while ya can, Sonata, but just like Vinyl said, it's not over yet!”
“That's what you think, but it's not over yet!”
The games then continued, with Pinkie and Sonata partaking in patty tosses, butter-skating on a large grill, tossing rather heavy ketchup bottles up into the air, hurdling whilst carrying trays of food, and even ski-jumping with giant spatulas. There was even a dance competition where they dressed up in colorful outfits while wearing fruit hats.
But now came the final event, where it would take place on a hamburger-shaped wrestling ring.
“But it's not over yet!” Vinyl announced. “With the score tied, we now go to our final event: Bun Wrestling! Who will take home the gold? Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash of CHS?”
“Don't forget…. she called ya Pink….” Rainbow whispered.
This infuriated Pinkie so much that she picked up a metal chain and immediately began to chew on it, baring her teeth revealing the chain links attached as braces.
“Or Sonata Dusk and Indigo Zap of Crystal Prep?”
“Don't forget she called you Blue!” Indigo said.
The aggravated Sonata then took a large pitcher of pink lemonade with no sugar or sweetener and smugly chugged it down, with her eye twitching a bit from the sourness.
*ding ding ding*
The bell had now rung. With heavy metal music playing in the background, Pinkie immediately ripped off her robe, revealing her overly muscular body underneath. Sonata did the same with her robe, only to reveal a business suit underneath for some reason. Realizing her mistake, Sonata tore off her suit, revealing her own overly muscular body. The two charged at each other, screaming until they collided. Their wrestling continued, winding up in various twisted positions until they somehow started wrestling themselves.
Realizing this, they immediately went back at it again until Sonata managed to pin Pinkie down, with her foot now in Sonata's hand.
“Forget Crystal Prep! This is personal….” Sonata declared as she removed Pinkie's shoe and started licking her foot.
Pinkie, screaming in agony, tried to kick out of Sonata's pin and managed to successfully do so. Now pinning Sonata down and sitting on her chest, Pinkie soon pulled out a pencil with the eraser side facing Sonata, directly aimed at her student ID card. As Sonata grabbed Pinkie's hand attempting to stop the pencil, it was to no avail as Pinkie slowly brought it down and managed to successfully erase Sonata's full name. Then, Pinkie wrote the name of another Crystal Prep student in its place.
“NOOOOO!!!!” cried Sonata. “MY NAME'S…………. NOT…………….... SOUR SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!!!!!!!”
“Huh?” said a confused Sour Sweet, who was actually in the arena watching.
Back to the match, Pinkie and Sonata wrestled some more before managing to put both each other in a head lock.
“I don't like you!” screamed Pinkie.
“I don't like you more!” shouted Sonata.
“I NEVER LIKED YOU!”
“I A THOUSAND TIMES NEVER LIKED YOU!!!!!!!”
“BLUE!!!!”
“PINK!!!!”
Struggling to push each other down, they soon stopped when they both heard a ripping noise. Realizing that their pants ripped and fell down, Pinkie and Sonata both inspected each other's underwear and couldn't believe what they saw.
“*gasp* Pink!”
“*gasp* Blue?”
With their eyes now watering up, they now both let their emotions flow.
“You do care!” Pinkie and Sonata both proclaimed before bursting into tears.
“Let's vow never to fight again, Sonata!”
“You said it, Pinkie! Now let's go home….. best friend.”
The two then left the ring holding hands while whistling, only for the crowd to boo.
“Well that was anti-climatic.” said Sunset sarcastically.
“I guess…. but it was nice that they made up.” replied Twilight.
“Whatever…..”
Rainbow and Indigo however, angrily demanded that the fight go on.
“H-hey!” shouted Rainbow. “Where are ya guys goin'?!”
“Get back here and kill each other!!!!!!” screamed out Indigo.
But their demands fell on deaf ears, as the two best friends walked away into the sunset.
“You're my best friend ever!”
“You too, Sonata.”
“Y'know, these were white when I bought 'em….”
The End….
Category:Episodes