Phantoms Of The Carriage House

Hee-Hee, this is yet another GORE-Y IN THIS NASTY-NOVEL, girls and boys!  It's a typical GHOST TALE with FRIGHT A SPIN ON THINGS known as...
A man had gone inside a carriage house within the Spring of 1887, over in the countryside of Virginia one night.  The man had gotten a saw from on a mini table.  Then, a colonial-dressed man was at the one end of the table right then nearby the door.  He wore a powdered-wig, and a huge dark-blue colonal-coat, with a white-frilly-collar.  The bow on the tail of his powdered-wig was dark-blue and the man saw him turn to him, looking at him then with blackish eye-sockets and dead-reddish skin.  
The colonial man was dead indeed, and the man was in a quiet state of horror, staring back it him.  "Who on Earth are you???" the man spoke at once.  The colonial man spoke back in a gruff voice, "I am thee caretaker of this farm or rather twas thee caretaker hereth.  My Wife awaited fore me to returneth to this place 140 years ago and I twas murdered by my Cousin whom twas thee farmer hereth whom we lived with.  He lusted fore her ye see" he explained to the man.  The colonial dead man with the yellow-trimmed-collar, and green-lined-sleeves on his coat, got into his coat-pocket, standing in his gold-buckled-black shoes with socks up his legs.  The man saw in the doorway of the carriage house a lady right then.  Her skin was pale-white and her left-hand was boney, clutching the side of the doorway.  She had eyeballs without pupils, and the man gasped in terror at the blonde-haired lady in the green gown.  She was in the air, and the dead colonial man gasped in awe at her.  
"Mariam my Wife!" the dead man exclaimed to her.  "Frederick it 'tis ye darling!!!" Mariam exclaimed.  "Yes my love, my Cousin Edwin murdered me on account he lusted fore ye.  I sought vengeance and did thee same to him" Frederick told her, then showed Mariam a skeleton with a hole within its rotting skull.  He revealed to her a hatchet from his coat-pocket.  "I took his hatchet and chopped into his head with it, as he did to me.  I buried his corpse underneath thee carriage house hereth!" Frederick told her.  At the sight of the skeleton, the man ran through Frederick and Mariam, finding that they were phantoms, and into the farmhouse.  
Ha-Ha-Ha, Frederick had FRIGHT AN IDEA for revenge on his Cousin Edwin and had to finally go a HEAD and HATCHET!  He didn't even give him a GHOST OF A CHANCE, even if he WAS A GHOST hee-hee-hee-hee!  Well, that reunion of Frederick and Mariam made that CARRIAGE HOUSE A SCARE-RRIAGE HOUSE heh-heh-heh-heh.