Redridge Retirement Home

== Redridge Retirement Home ==
Redridge Retirement Home (established 2007) is set well away from the hustle and bustle of Modern Azeroth in 25 acres of semi-wild land in the scenic and restful hills of Lakeshire.
=== Facilities ===
Residents of the home can enjoy a superior class of living, with cold and cold running water, a two-hole privy and fitted floorboards throughout.
Matron presides over the teapot, ensuring that hot beverages are served throughout the day (choice of tea, coffee, horlicks or bovril) and that residents do not "Get Up To Wacky Japes" ie: by raiding the cheese store or putting firecrackers in each other's slippers.
The home boasts two fully qualified Cordon Bleugh chefs, who specialise in producing the sort of soft pap that isn't going to make anyone's teeth fall out.
=== Activites ===
Residents are encouraged to participate in 'adventures' outside of the home, taking form of such thrilling tasks as 'going fishing', 'shopping in Stormwind' and 'stopping suddenly in the street with no further warning'.
Saturday sees the popular storytelling night, where residents gather around the simulated log fire to tell tales of past deeds. Disagreements occasionally break out (for example, over whether or not the dragon really was slain with a toothpick and a copy of the Orcish-Common dictionary), but Matron soon stops any scuffles and patches up the survivors.
== Rules and Regulations ==
* Do Not Annoy Matron.
* No bladed weapons outside of resident's rooms.
* No dragons in the kitchen area.
* Armour is only to be worn on Sundays and Bank Holidays between 4 and 6PM.
* Wine, women of a questionable moral nature and folk songs are strictly forbidden.
* Cheese is a privilege, not a right.
* You may have tea or coffee, not both.
* No frostbolts on the stairs.
* No running with scissors, bladed weapons of any description, blunt weapons, or other people's heads under your arm.
* Shuffling in coridoors is to be restricted to between the hours of 8 and 12AM.
* Just because she looked at you funny is no reason to turn her into a sheep.
== Enquiries and Fees ==
Fees are in the region of 200 gold pieces per week based on three people sharing a bed. Cheaper fees are available for adventurers wishing to share a small tent in a garden; please contact Matron for more information.
NB: The popular 'cloak propped up with four sticks' rate is no longer an option.
Please address any enquires to:
* Matron Winters
* Redridge Retirement Home
* Nr Lakeshire
* Redridge
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((Please note: Redridge Retirement Home is currently not recruiting as a guild, and this page is simply here for completeness.))
Category:Guild