Two Adventures (Star Trek 2009)

"We believe what you say, Captain Kirk," the leader of the natives on the planet stated as the thunder crashed and lightning flashed overhead. "But, our position has not altered. The Halkan council cannot permit your Federation to mine dilithium crystals on our planet."
"We have show the council historical proof that our missions are peaceful," Jim riposted. The landing party, comprised of Selene, McCoy, and Scotty, stood in the background, observing.
"We accept that your Federation is benevolent, at present. But, the future is always in question. Our dilithium crystals represent awesome power. Wrongful use of that power, even to the extent of taking one life, would violate our history of total peace," the leader replied. "To prevent that, we would die, Captain. As a race, if necessary."
"I admire your efforts," Jim said. The storm was getting worse, and Kirk didn't want to place his crew in danger, so he pulled out his communicator. "Kirk to Enterprise."
"Spock here," the First Officer replied from the bridge, where he was in command until Jim's return.
"Report on that magnetic storm, Mr. Spock," he ordered.
"Standard ion type," Spock reported. "But, quite violent and unpredictable."
"Having a rough time up there?" Jim inquired.
"If we stay," Spock responded.
"Standby to beam up landing party. Use an extended route to clear that disturbance. Kirk out."
"Apply, Mr. Sulu," Spock ordered.
"Understood," Hikaru replied, following orders before turning back to his eldest two children, who had been observing him at work. "Nao, can you take Harumi back to our quarters and make sure your younger siblings are secured? This storm might be a little too rough for them."
"Alright, Dad. C'mon, Haru," the young boy said, taking his little sister by the hand and leading her toward the lift. "Let's go play."
"Can Awena come over too?" Harumi asked, looking expectantly back towards the command crew.
Awena's father gave a curt nod and Naoki was able to truthfully say, "Sure she can. Let's go and get her."
"When may we resume discussion?" Jim asked of the Halkans' spokesman.
"The council will meditate further. But, do not be hopeful of any change," the Halkan spokesman answered. As the landing party turned to leave, he added, "Captain, you do have the might to force the crystals from us, of course."
"But, we won't," Jim retorted with a smile. "Consider that. Enterprise, Transporter Room, energize."
"Trouble, sir," the officer in the transporter room reported to Spock. And he was right. The landing party became partially visible for a few moments before fading completely.
Finally, the landing party was beamed aboard, but they weren't dressed the same. Kirk's shirt was sleeveless and all the male officers were wearing some kind of gold sash. And Selene's uniform was altered as well. Instead of her normal blue dress, she was wearing a midriff-baring blue top and miniskirt of the same shade, also with the same gold sash.
"I was right. That was a rough trip," Jim commented, stepping off the transporter pad.
The transporter room didn't look quite right, though. The transporter officer's and Spock's uniforms looked just as strange too. Suddenly, Spock was sporting a weird goatee. Then there was that odd emblem on the walls…
The bearded Spock and transporter officer both gave a very Hitler-esque salute. Confused, the landing party got a good look at themselves and each other.
"Controls at neutral, Mr. Kyle," Bearded Spock ordered.
"Yes, sir," came the reply.
"Status of mission?" Spock inquired.
"No change," Jim answered cautiously, observing the dagger hanging from Spock's sash.
"Standard procedure?" Jim nodded an affirmative.
Spock walked over to the transporter control panel so he could page the bridge. "Mr. Sulu, program phaser barrage on all Halkan cities."
"Yes, Mr. Spock," the pilot answered.
Selene exchanged a glance with Scotty. This wasn't any sort of Federation procedure they were familiar with. And Selene didn't like the way her husband's voice had so casually agreed to such a massacre.
"Military capability, Captain?" Spock asked.
"None," Jim answered.
"Incredible that this society has chosen suicide," he commented before turning to the transporter controller. "Mr. Kyle, you were instructed to compensate during the ion storm."
"But, I tried, Mr. Sp-"
"Carelessness with the equipment cannot be tolerated," Spock interrupted over the man's protests. "Your agonizer."
"No, Mr. Spock!" Kyle pleaded.
"Your agonizer, please," Spock repeated.
"No! I tried! Please!" he begged, backing away from the approaching superior, only to be held in place by a security officer. The same security officer unclipped a device from Kyle's belt and handed it to Spock, who placed it against Kyle's chest.
Kyle screamed and twitched. Selene couldn't bear to look at the atrocious scene before her. She turned away. These weren't the same people she knew and loved. Her Spock wouldn't hurt another living soul, unless he had a very good reason. Nor would her Hikaru sound almost eager to blast an entire civilization out of existence. What was going on? What sort of demented hell were they in?
"Captain's Log. Stardate: unknown. During an Ion storm, my landing party beamed back to the Enterprise to find it and the personnel aboard changed. The ship is subtly altered physically. Behavior and discipline has become brutal. Savage. "
"Mr. Scott," the bearded Spock stated. "The storm has caused some minor damage in your section. There are also injuries requiring your attention, Doctor." When McCoy and Scotty hesitated, still quite unsure of just what was going on, Spock spoke again. "Well, gentleman?"
They were spared from having to answer when Mr. Kyle spoke again. "Mr. Spock?"
"Yes?"
"The power beam jumped from orbit, sir. Just as the landing party was about to materialize. I've never seen anything like it before," he reported.
"Due to your error, Mr. Kyle?" Spock asked, almost angrily.
"No, Mr. Spock! Before."
"It appears all of this is due to the storm. Captain, do you feel any abnormal effects?" the First Officer asked.
"Yes," Jim answered. "Dr. McCoy, you had better look us over. That was a rough beam up."
"Yes, sir," McCoy replied. He and the other members of the landing party prepared to follow Jim out of the transporter room.
Jim paused by the door. "Mr. Spock, have those transporter circuits checked."
As soon as they were out the door, the questions flew. "Where is this?" Scotty asked. "How did we get here?" Selene queried.
"Not now," Jim whispered, holding up a hand to silence them.
The landing party made their way through the ship to the medical bay, having to stop every so often when a passing crewman would salute Jim.
"What is this?" McCoy asked, inspecting his medical equipment. "Everything is all messed up. It's all out of place."
"Jim, what's happened?" Selene asked, part of her not wanting to know the answer. After all, if Hikaru and Spock had changed so much, she wondered what the children were like or if they even existed here.
"Wait. Not everything. That spot," he said, pointing at the table. "I spilled acid there a year ago. Jim, what the blazes is this?"
"I don't know," Jim answered. "This is our Enterprise. But, it isn't. Maybe…"
"Maybe, what, Jim?" Selene asked, following him.
"Did any of you feel dizzy in the transporter beam?" he asked. "When you first materialized?" The other crew members mumbled that they had. "It happened twice. First, we were in our own transport chamber. Then, we faded, and when we finally materialized, we were here. Wherever this is."
"Captain," Scotty said. "The transporter chief mentioned a surge of power. The transporter beam may have been affected by the ion storm. We just materialized somewhere else."
"Yes, here," Selene agreed. "Not our universe, not our ship. Something parallel. A parallel universe coexisting with our dimensional plane. Everything is duplicated. Almost. Another Enterprise. Spock with a beard."
"Another Captain Kirk, another Dr. McCoy," Jim murmured.
"An exchange," McCoy interjected. "If we're here…"
"Than our counterparts must have been transporting up at the exact same time," Jim finished.
"Similar storms on both universes disrupted the circuits," Selene realized. "We're here and they're-"
"On our Enterprise," Jim realized. It was an uncomfortable thing to know that there were brutal versions of themselves on their ship.
"Probably asking the same questions," Selene mumbled, thinking of what might happen if this universe's version of her should encounter Selene's family.
"Are we in another universe?" Jim asked. "And if so, how do we get back to our own?"
"What about the Halkans?" McCoy reminded them. "We can't let them be destroyed."
"Scotty, can you buy me some time?" Jim asked. "Get below and short out the main phaser couplings. Then, say the storm blew the standby circuits. After that, get on this universe's technology. It's all we have to get back home."
"The intercom may be monitored. We should use our communicators for private conversations," Selene suggested as Scotty was on his way out.
"Sub-frequency and scramble," Jim added.
"Aye, sirs," Scotty acknowledged before rushing off to fulfill his orders.
"Commander."
"Yes, sir," Selene replied.
"Get up to your post. Act natural. If you can, find out my orders and options from Starfleet," Jim ordered.
"Yes, sir," she replied. As she got to the door, she paused. "Jim, I'm worried about my kids. Do they even exist in this universe? If they do, are they as brutal as everyone else?"
Jim gently patted her on the shoulder. "Selene, we'll make it through this somehow," he said, in an obvious attempt to soothe her frayed nerves. He could only imagine what it was like for her. He had no spouse, no children. He didn't have to concern himself with all of the things torturing her mind. But, there was one concern they shared: the fate of their friends. All of the people they knew and loved back home were strange and foreign here; Spock, like a brother to both of them, Hikaru, Selene's beloved husband, Uhura, their dear friend, Chekov, always reminding them of what Russia had given the universe, and so many others. Jim gave her a quick squeeze and promised, "I'll be right there."
Selene returned the hug and before she made her way to the bridge she whispered, "Thanks, Jim."
"Bones, let's take a look at the library. We have a lot to learn," Jim sighed.
"Mr. Chekov," Hikaru said. "Laser setting for planetary target A."
"Coordinates 712 stroke 4, Mr. Sulu," Pavel responded.
"Warp batteries locked," Hikaru said, before reclining in his chair.
Selene entered the bridge. It was a very odd feeling, seeing everyone's eyes on her, especially Hikaru's. It was so wrong. She didn't miss the smirk on Hikaru's face. He was her husband and he wasn't.
Having already taken her seat at the science station, she didn't see him rise from his own station, so she was quite surprised when he sat on her console and just stared at her. Grudgingly, she looked up from her work, hoping that he would just go away. Unfortunately, he did not.
He took her chin in his left hand and stared down at her. "Still no interest, Misarte?" he asked. "I could change your mind."
While she was relieved to find out that they weren't together in this universe and therefore their children didn't exist to be exposed to such brutality, the way he stared at her was unnerving. He was so different from the Hikaru she knew and loved. And, this universe's Hikaru had a rather large scar on the right side of his face, curving down from his hairline all the way to his cheek. This wasn't the man she loved.
"You are away from your post, Mister," Selene replied coldly. She desperately hoped that he would take his hand off of her. She didn't know how much longer she could take it before she grabbed the nearest pointy object and did something violent.
"Is the Captain here?" he retorted, smirking. "Is Spock here? When the cat's away—"
She couldn't take it anymore, she jerked her chin out of his hand and was preparing to backhand him across the face when Jim entered the bridge. Hikaru had to go scurrying back to his proper post.
"Communications status," he asked this universe's Uhura.
"No storm damage, sir. All stations report normal," Uhura reported.
"You're ordered to annihilate the Halkans unless they comply," Selene whispered to him as he passed her station. "No alternative."
"Phasers locked on target A," Hikaru reported. "Approaching optimum range. Commence fire, Captain?" Jim hesitated. "Captain?"
"Standby, Mr. Sulu," Jim ordered.
As he wandered through engineering, he encountered a passing officer who looked at him skeptically."I've been ordered to check phaser couplings for possible damage from the storm," Scotty said, using Jim's orders as his excuse.
"Do you have authorization from security, sir?" the other engineer asked.
"Captain's orders."
"I'll have to check with Security Chief Sulu, sir," the other engineer informed him.
"Nevermind. I'll see to it myself," Scotty said. He wandered over to a wall console, and paged the bridge. "No phaser damage," he reported.
Jim understood what had been implied. Scotty was unable to disable the phasers. "Very good. Thank you, Mr. Scott. Kirk out."
Spock entered the bridge. "Planet's rotations is taking primary target beyond phaser lock," he observed.
"Shall I correct orbit to new firing position?" Hikaru asked.
"No," Jim answered.
"Lock on to secondary city," Spock ordered.
"Aye, sir," Hikaru acknowledged.
"Uhura, contact the Halkan council. I wish to speak with them again."
"Yes, sir," she acknowledged, confused.
"Sir?" Spock inquired.
"This is a new race," Jim responded. "They offer other things of value besides dilithium crystals."
"But it is clear that we cannot expect their cooperation," Spock reminded him. "They refuse the empire. Command dictates that we provide the customary example."
"Secondary target now moving beyond our phaser lock," Sulu reported.
"Put phasers on standby, Mr. Sulu," Jim ordered.
"A serious breach of orders, Captain," Spock reminded him.
"I have my reasons," Jim stated simply. "And I'll make them clear to you. In my own good time."
"Captain, I have the leader of the Halkan council on channel B," this universe's Uhura reported, sounding as though she heartily disapproved of this action. Yet, she put the comm onscreen, nonetheless.
"It is useless to resist us," Jim stated.
"We do not resist you," the Halkan councilman replied.
"You have twelve hours to reconsider your position."
"Twelve years or twelve thousand. We are ethically compelled to deny your demand for our dilithium crystals for you would use their power to destroy."
"We will level your planet and take what we want. That is destruction. You will die as a race."
"To preserve what we are."
"We will not argue. Twelve hours. Close communications. Turn phasers off," Jim ordered.
"Twelve hours, Captain?" Spock asked. "That is unprecedented."
"I shall be in my quarters," he said, rising from his chair. "Commander…Misarte, have Doctor McCoy and Mr. Scott meet me there."
With just a look, she asked if her presence was desired too. But, with a look of his own, Jim told her to stay put.
"Captain, you have placed yourself in a most grave position," Spock warned, as Chekov walked off the bridge. "This conduct must be reported."
"You're at liberty to do so," Jim replied nonchalantly.
"Deck 5, sir," Chekov asked, operating the lift.
As soon as Jim stepped out, he was struck by some accomplices. As this happened, Chekov drew his phaser and pointed it at Jim.
"So you die," Pavel said with an evil smirk. "And we all move up in rank. No one will question the assassination of a captain who had disobeyed prime orders of the empire."
"Captain's log: Supplemental. I command an Enterprise where officers apparently employ private henchmen within the crew. Where assassination of superiors is a common way of advancing in rank.
Suddenly, the same crewman who had struck Jim disabled Chekov, causing distraction enough for Jim to fight off one of the men holding him in place. Just as those attackers were taken care of, two more men entered the corridor.
"Your men, Captain," the man who had helped him reported. "I did their job."
"Smart move, switching sides," one of the captain's men said.
"Mr. Chekov was going to make me a chief, sir," the man said, reminding Jim that he had saved his life. "You can make me an officer."
"Alright," Jim said. "You can work for me."
"A commission?" the man asked.
"Maybe. You might even make captain."
"Yes, sir," the man smirked, before being knocked out by a suckerpunch from Kirk.
"Not on my ship," Jim mumbled.
"The booth for this one, sir?" one of the men asked, indicating Chekov.
"Yes, carry on," Jim said, wiping the blood from his lip as the men dragged Chekov away.
Jim managed to make it to his quarters without further incident.
"It's called blood," Jim commented sarcastically when he saw McCoy staring at his injured lip. "Watch your step. Officers move up by assassination. Chekov tried it on me."
"Mr. Sulu is Security Chief. Like his own Gestapo," Scotty said.
"My sickbay is a chamber of horrors," McCoy commented. "Two of my assistants were betting on the tolerance of an injured man. How long it would take him to pass out from the pain."
"Report on technology," Jim ordered.
"Mostly variations in instrumentation," Scotty reported. "Nothing I can't handle."
"Star readings?"
"Everything's exactly where it should be. Except us."
"Well, let's find out where we stand," Jim said,sitting by a console. "Computer?"
"Ready."
"This is the captain. Record security research to be classified under my voiceprint, Commander Misarte's, or Mr. Scott's."
"Recording."
"Produce all relevant data to the recent ion storm. Correlate following hypothesis. Could a storm of such magnitude cause a power surge in the transporter circuits, creating a momentary interdimensional contact with a parallel universe?"
"Affirmative."
"At such a moment, could persons in each universe, in the act of beaming, transpose with their counterparts in the other universe?"
"Affirmative."
"Could conditions necessary to such an event be created artificially using the ship's power?"
"Affirmative."
Kirk slipped a disk into an appropriate drive. "Record procedure." When it was done recording, he handed the disk to Scotty. "Can you do it?"
"Not by myself. I need help." Kirk looked like he was about to volunteer, but Scotty pointed out, "You'll be too conspicuous."
The two of them turned hopefully to McCoy, who was quick to inform them, "I'm a doctor, not an engineer."
Scotty wasn't having any of that. "Well, now you're an engineer. I'll have to tap the power we need from the warp engines and balance it for the four of us," he said before walking out of the room, shaking his head.
"Jim," McCoy began. "The way this ship is run, what kind of people are we in this universe?"
"Let's find out. Computer."
"Ready."
"Read out official record of current command."
"Captain: James T. Kirk. Succeeded to command of ISS Enterprise through assassination of Captain Christopher Pike. First action: suppression of Gorlack uprising through destruction of rebel home planet. Second action: execution of five thousand colonists on Vega Nine."
Jim couldn't bear to hear anymore. "Cancel. Well, now we know."
"Captain," Scotty said, coming back into the room. "We can do it. We'll have to lay in the automatic transporter setting. But, when we interrupt engine circuits to tie in the power to the transporter, it'll show up on Sulu's security board. Of course, we'll only need a second."
"I'll tell Selene to create a diversion to distract Sulu's attention at your signal," Jim stated, feeling a little odd telling Selene to seduce this universe's version of her husband. "Until then, we had better get back to our posts. Keep me advised."
Once Scotty had left, McCoy spoke again. "Jim. If we're here, what do you suppose our counterparts are doing back in our universe?"
"On our Enterprise?"
Meanwhile, back on the USS Enterprise, Captain Kirk was being restrained by a pair of security officers. "I order you to let me go!" he shouted, struggling to escape. "Traitors!" he shouted as they dragged him to a detention area. "Spock, help me!"
Naturally, Spock did nothing of the sort, and Kirk was thrown into a cell already containing Selene, Bones, and Scotty. All of whom were quite outraged.
"Spock!" Kirk shouted. "You traitorous pig. I'll hang you up by your Vulcan ears. I'll have you all executed!"
"I think not," the beardless Spock retorted, quite unfazed. "Your authority on this ship is extremely limited, Captain. The four of you will remain here, in the brig, and in custody, until I discover how to return you to wherever it is you belong."
"Has the whole galaxy gone crazy? What kind of uniform is this? Where's your beard? What's going on? Where's my personal guard?" Kirk shouted.
"I can answer none of your questions at this time."
The other Kirk began to laugh. "Right, Spock. Whatever your game is, I'll play it. You want credits, I'll give them to you. You'll be a rich man. A command of your own. I can swing that too."
"Apparently, some kind of transposition has taken place," Spock observed. "I find it extremely interesting."
"Spock, what is it that will buy you?" Kirk asked. "Power?"
"Fascinating," Spock murmured, walking away.
On the ISS Enterprise, Kirk strode down the hall only to encounter bearded Spock. "Captain, I am pleased that you frustrated Mr. Chekov's plan. I should regret your death."
"Why?" Jim asked.
"I do not desire the captaincy. I much prefer my scientific duties, and I am frankly content to be a lesser target."
"Logical as always, Mr. Spock," Jim remarked.
There was a scream. To their right, Chekov was inside whatever 'the booth' was, screaming bloody murder.
"The agony booth is a most effective means of discipline," Spock stated. Kirk walked closer to where Chekov was being tortured. "I presume you've ordered the full duration?"
"I haven't decided," Jim replied. This universe was so strange. Comrades, trusted and beloved friends, almost like family in one universe, were at each other's throats and just waiting for a chance to murder each other in this one.
"His act warrants death," Spock reminded his captain.
"I said I haven't decided!" Jim repeated angrily.
"That is, of course, your affair," Spock replied nonchalantly. "Captain, may I inquire if you intend to persist in your unusual course of action regarding the Halkans?"
"You heard my orders."
"They are in contradiction to standard Empire procedure," Spock responded. "I cannot ignore the consequences."
"Is that a threat?"
"I do not threaten, Captain. I merely state facts. I have found you to be an excellent officer. Our missions together have been both successful and profitable. However, I shall not permit your aberrations to jeopardize my position."
"Spock, do you think we should destroy the Halkans?"
"Terror must be maintained or the empire is doomed," he replied, avoiding the question. "It is the logic of history."
"Conquest is easy, control is not. We may have bitten off more than we could chew."
"Captain, I do not wish to find myself opposing you. But, if you continue on your present course, this confusing, inexplicable behavior is-"
"My concern and not yours," Kirk interrupted. "You would find me a formidable opponent."
"I'm aware of that, Captain. I trust that you are aware of the reverse," Spock replied before walking away.
"Orders, sir?" one of Kirk's men asked.
"Release Chekov. Confine him to quarters." Kirk just couldn't bring himself to have Chekov executed. Sure, this universe's Chekov had tried to kill him. But, whenever he looked at this Chekov, he saw his own Chekov: the one who had pouted until Kirk had scheduled shore leave in Russia, the one who had adamantly defended little Harumi from an aggressive, noseless Chihuahua on the planet of Barcelona. Innocent Pavel Andreivitch Chekov who wouldn't hurt a fly…
"Yes, sir," the man replied, rushing off to fulfill his orders.
Scotty approached the same man who had turned him away from the phaser bank earlier and distracted him with a salute, giving McCoy time to sneak up behind him and knock him out with a hypo to the neck.
"That'll hold him for about six hours," McCoy commented, as he and Scotty climbed the ladder leading up toward the control area.
Jim entered his room and was surprised to find an attractive brunette woman sleeping on his bed. Pleasantly surprised, but, surprised nonetheless.
The sound of him entering the room had woken her. "I fell asleep," she said groggily. "We had quite a time in the chem. Lab picking up after the storm." She pushed a few dials on the replicator and pulled out a few glasses of alcohol. "Nothing compared to your day, I gather," she stated, offering him a glass. "I heard about Chekov."
"He gambled, I won."
"You got lucky," she replied. "I'm surprised that you could be caught off-guard that way."
"I was preoccupied," he responded.
"You're still in trouble with Starfleet Command," she informed him. "What you;ve got in mind this time is beyond me. You're scheming, of course. The Halkans have something you want or is it all some clever ruse to advance you to the admiralty? Kirk, the Cabinet itself?"
"Further than that," he said, taking a sip from his drink. "If I'm successful."
"Really? Well, you must know what you're doing," she said, twining her arms about his neck. "You always do. If I'm to be the woman," she said, pausing to plant a quick kiss on his lips. "of a Caesar, can't I know what you're up to?" She kissed him again, longer and deeper.
What was sure to have been an enjoyable evening for both of them was interrupted by a page. "Kirk here."
"Mr. Spock, Captain."
"Yes?"
"I have received a private communication from Starfleet command. I am committing a breach of regulations by informing you of its contents."
"Yes, Mr. Spock," he encouraged.
"I am instructed to wait until planet dawn over primary target to permit you to carry out our mission."
"And if I don't?"
"In that event, I am ordered to kill you and to proceed against the Halkans as the new captain of the Enterprise."
"Why can't I see her?" Naoki asked, on the verge of tears. He had heard that his mother was back on the ship, but that she was being held in custody with Uncle Jim, Bones, and Scotty, and he wasn't allowed to visit her. "Why can't I see Mom?"
"Nao, I want to see her too. But, Spock thinks that something went wrong during the beam-up and that we may have received alternate universe counterparts of the people we know. That woman may still be Selene. But, she might not be Selene Sulu. She could still be Selene Misarte: not my wife, and not your mother. They may be the same woman, but they're not," Hikaru tried to explain, struggling to explain something he barely understood himself. "Do you get it, Nao?"
"Wakaranai! Kaa-chan wo mitai! Doko wa kaa-chan?" the boy howled, reverting to Japanese in his distress. (I don't understand! I want to see Mom! Where's Mom?) Captain's Log. Stardate: unknown. We are trapped in a savage parallel from which we must escape within four hours or I will face a death sentence at Spock's hands.
"Let's drink a toast to Spock," Kirk's mysterious nubile companion said, raising her glass. "The only man aboard with the decency to warn you, and he'll die for it. You'll never find another man like him."
"I don't intend to kill him," Jim replied, taking a sip.
"Are you going to act against the Halkans before the deadline?"
"No, but I'll avoid killing Spock," Kirk said. He hadn't killed Chekov, even after what he had done, and he certainly wouldn't kill Spock, who hadn't done anything yet.
"Just get him out of the way? He and his men?"
"I'll get out of his way," Jim responded with a smile.
"Shall I activate the Tantalus field?" she asked. "You'll at least want to monitor him, won't you?"
After much contemplation, he finally answered, "Yes."
She walked over to a wall and opened a panel, frowning all the while. "I hate this thing," she mumbled.
"It's not that bad," Jim said.
"Of course not," she snapped. "It made you captain. How many enemies have you simply wiped out of existence by the touch of a button? Fifty? A hundred?" she laughed. "Now, I always thought that was funny. The great, powerful Captain Kirk who owes everything to some unknown alien scientist and a plundered laboratory."
"Well, if you don't take advantage of your opportunities…"
"You don't rise to the command of a starship," she finished. "Or even higher." She fiddled with a few dials and knobs, and an image of Spock appeared onscreen. "That magnificent mind of his…But, it can't protect him from this," she said, reaching for a blue button. Her finger hovered over it. "I press it and he dies. Now?" she inquired, moving her finger closer toward the button.
Kirk's hand lashed out quickly and grabbed her wrist before she could press the button that would kill Spock. He released her hand and switched off the Tantalus whatever.
"You really mean it," she commented, sounding just the tiniest bit amused. She closed the panel before continuing, "It doesn't matter. If Spock fails his order, he'll be killed anyway."
"I'll see to it that the circumstances of his failure aren't his fault," Jim said.
"You're not even afraid of Starfleet Command," the woman observed. "Can your scheme bring you that much power so quickly? And what about me? How does Marlena fit in?"
Well, at least Jim knew her name now. He reached out to tenderly caress her cheek. "How does Marlena want to fit in?" he responded, letting his hand fall to her shoulder.
She smiled before turning away and walking into a separate room in his quarters.
With Marlena gone, Kirk pulled out his communicator and contacted his fellow officers. "Scotty?"
"Here, sir."
"We have to get out of here within three hours," Kirk informed them. "Spock has orders to kill me unless I complete the military mission."
"We've got another deadline, too, sir," Scotty reported.
"Explain."
"The two-way matter transmission affected the local field density between our universes and its increasing. We've got to move fast."
"How fast?" Jim asked, sounding concerned.
"A half hour at the most."
"If we miss?"
"We couldn't get out of here in a century."
Jim said nothing. Their escape attempt had to work. He wouldn't let his crew be stranded here.
Scotty continued. "Now, we're ready to bridge power from the engines to the transporter. You've got to get down there and free the board so we can lock in. Meet me in about ten minutes. I've got to complete a few more computations."
"Alright. I'll be in the transporter room in ten minutes. I'll meet you in the sickbay afterwards."
"Aye, sir."
In his own quarters, Spock had been thinking. "Computer."
"Ready."
"Explain computer activity in the engineering section."
"A security research is in progress."
"Who is conducting the research?"
"The captain and Mr. Scott."
Spock pondered this. "What is the nature of the research?"
"Program is classified under voice index lock."
All of this was most suspicious. The behavior, the strange research, the need for a voice index lock. Something was not right. It was then that Spock noticed a beeping on his console. "Why are you monitoring my communications, Mr. Sulu?"
"My security board has detected extensive use of computer, Mr. Spock. I was about to inform you. It's not hard to guess the nature of your order from Starfleet Command," Hikaru informed him. "I suggest a connection. The captain suspects. He's working on an escape or a defense."
"That is my concern," Spock reminded him.
"Correct," Hikaru acknowledged. "It's your play. I hope you succeed, because the order would fall on me next. And you know how Captain Kirk's enemies have a habit of disappearing."
"If I am successful, you'll see yourself a step nearer to the captaincy. I do not want to command the Enterprise. But, if it should befall me, I suggest that you remember that my operatives would avenge my death. And some of them are Vulcans," Spock replied.
Back in Kirk's quarters, Marlena emerged from the room she had retreated to. She had changed into something more comfortable. Jim had to admit, he liked the change. It was a good change.
"I've laid my traps, darling," she informed him. "But, I'm afraid I'm a little out of practice," she said, twining a few strands of hair between her fingers. "Maybe that's what happened to us. It's very hard for a working officer to shine as a woman every minute. And you demand perfection."
"I've never seen perfection," Jim admitted. "But, no woman could closer to it."
"I remember you used to talk that way," Marlena sighed, sitting on a bench.
Kirk approached her. "I still do."
"Prove it," she said, gesturing for him to join her.
He did, for about two seconds. Then he stood. "I've got to go," he confessed.
"Ship's business?" she asked, trying not to sound spurned. "An important task on deck?" He didn't reply. Instead he moved toward the door. "Well, I guess it's over. Commander McKenna will take me temporarily. He's made that quite clear. I'll call a yeoman to help me with my things."
"You don't have to do that," Kirk said, walking back towards her.
"Are you feeling sorry for me?" she queried, striding up to him. "Do I see hesitation in your eyes? About anything? I want one thing, Captain. Transfer me. On the Enterprise, I am humiliated. On another ship, I can hunt fresh game. I've got my rank, don't I? I've been a Captain's Woman and I like it. I'll be one again if I have to go through every officer in the fleet."
"You could," Jim responded. She turned to slap him, but he caught it. He had pissed off Selene and Nyota at the wrong time of the month way too many times before to be unprepared to deflect an incoming slap. "I simply meant that you could be anything you want to be."
Smoochie smoochie time ensued. (Sorry. Inside joke.)
"It's been a long time since you've kissed me like that," Marlena confessed. "You're a stranger. Mercy to the Halkans. Mercy to Spock. To me. Am I your woman?"
"You're the Captain's Woman," Jim stated. "Until he says you're not."
In the lift, Jim contacted his friends, unaware that Marlena was observing them from his room. "Selene."
"Yeah, Jim?" she whispered, having to keep her voice down to avoid undue attention.
"Scotty's signal should be coming through any minute now," he warned her. "You know what to do."
"I've got a pretty good idea, sir," she retorted with a grin.
"Keep Sulu's attention off that board," he ordered. This was going to be very awkward and he was glad he wouldn't have to be there to see it. Ordering Selene to distract the alternate universe version of her husband was bound to be incredibly awkward for her.
"I'll do my best, sir." If the plan didn't work, she was going to kill them. Oh, not Scotty and Bones. She'd let them live. She was going to kill Jim and Hikaru. She was going to kill them twice and very slowly and painfully.
"Good luck. Kirk out."
In engineering, Scotty and McCoy had finished their work. Scotty sent Selene the signal.
Urgh. She had not been looking forward to this. Putting on her game face, she rose from her seat and approached Hikaru's chair, venting her nervous energy by fiddling with the dagger she had at her waist. Resting her right arm on the back of his chair, she got to work.
"Aren't you persistent, Mr. Sulu," she crooned. Inside, she cringed. She only called Hikaru Mr. Sulu when she was really pissed at him. "The game has rules. You're ignoring them. I protest, and you come back," she said, using her dagger to point to each of them in turn. "You didn't come back," she said, tapping him on the nose with the dagger's point.
He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her against him. "Now you're making sense," he said approvingly.
Selene was quite sure she might vomit at any time. He may have had her husband's face, but he was a stranger and this was sick in too many ways. She might just kill Jim anyway, even if they did make it back to their own universe.
"I was getting bored," she sighed, using all her ability to keep up the ruse. Oh, she was definitely going to kill Jim. Hikaru smirked and began pressing kisses against her neck. This was too much! Words were one thing, but now he was kissing her. Yeah, she was definitely going to be sick. "Of course, this isn't the time," she admonished, noticing the security board was going off.
"Anytime's a good time," he replied, trying to work his way up to her mouth.
But, she kept moving away, trying to keep his attention on her while still trying to avoid him as much as possible. Dammit, she had given the others enough time. She couldn't take it anymore! She pushed Hikaru off of her and backhanded him with all her strength. "I'm afraid I changed my mind," she smirked, leaning casually against some of the railing. "Again."
Hikaru stared at her in shock. "You take a lot of chances, Commander," he said angrily, rising from his chair and advancing toward her.
Selene wasn't having any of that. "So do you, mister," she said, pointing her dagger at his neck. This universe's version of her may have been no threat to him, but she and her Hikaru had been training together for over a decade and they were an even match. She had the element of surprise in this universe. "So do you," she repeated, backing away. "Take over for me," she ordered a passerby she passed on her way to the lift. After sliding her dagger back into her boot, she spared Hikaru a final sneer as she entered the lift.
"Scotty, all clear," she reported. "I'm on my way to sickbay."
"Now it's up to the captain," McCoy remarked.
In the transporter room, Spock entered as Kirk was adjusting the transporter. His phaser was drawn. "You will please restrict your movements, Captain." Spock approached and disarmed him. "What are you doing?"
"Are you going to shoot me now, Spock? I thought I had until dawn."
"I shall make that decision," Spock replied. "Since your return from the planet, you have behaved in an atypical and illogical manner. I want to know why."
"Shoot. You're wasting time."
"I shall not waste time with you. You're too inflexible, too disciplined. Once you've made up your mind. But, Dr. McCoy has a platitude of human weaknesses. Sentimental. Soft. You may not tell me what I want to know, but he will," Spock assured Jim.
"You're running a big risk, Spock."
"I have the phaser, Captain," Spock reminded him. "And I do not intend to simply disappear as so many of your opponents have in the past. If you please, to sickbay."
"Yes, of course," Spock said.
He followed Kirk into sickbay and discovered Scotty, Selene, and Bones all waiting. "The entire landing party. Captain, stand over there. Doctor, it is time for answers."
Kirk looked like he was obeying, but instead turned around and punched Spock. But, the half-Vulcan quickly recovered and threw Jim aside. Scotty rushed in to help his captain, but was also quickly dealt with and thrown aside just as easily as Kirk had been. McCoy, too, tried to help. But, he was flipped over Spock's shoulder. The bearded Spock looked at Selene, wondering why she wasn't attacking too. After a decade of reading his face, Selene was able to discern this just from his expression, and shrugged as if to say, "If they couldn't, what makes you think I could?"
This distraction allowed Jim to recover and use a bench as a springboard to help him kick Spock into a wall. Just like the Spock they knew, this one was a terrifying opponent. He punched Kirk away again. The fight had become a free-for-all; the men striking at their adversary whenever they could. Selene decided to just stay out of the way and look for something they might be able to use as a weapon. At last, she found a skull in Bone's office, which she quickly handed off to Kirk, who smashed it over Spock's head, rendering him unconscious.
"How much time, Scotty?" Kirk asked, as he and the others rubbed at their bumps and bruises.
"Hardly fifteen minutes, sir. The field density between the two universes is starting to close very fast," Scotty reported anxiously.
"Someone help me get him on the table," Bones requested. "Well, come on! Help me get him on the table or he'll die without immediate treatment." Selene and Kirk rushed forward to help.
"Do you have it laid in, Scotty? The time delay is lagged so that we can get into the transporter chamber," Jim explained.
"All laid in, sir," Scotty replied. "C'mon, McCoy! You're taking a chance on not being able to get back home."
"We'll get home," McCoy shot back. "This won't take long."
"Captain…" Selene sighed. She was missing her family desperately.
"We've got to go!" Scotty reiterated, none of them aware that Marlena was observing them from the captain's quarters.
"Will you shut up?" McCoy shouted. All the noise was distracting him. "I can save his life. Do you want me to stop?" he asked Jim. "It'll only take a minute."
"He is very much like our own Mr. Spock isn't he?" Jim remarked.
Selene nodded, resisting the urge to reach out and hold the unconscious man's hand; while it was a comforting gesture among humans, Vulcans did not appreciate the gratuitous physical contact as much. "You've got that minute, Bones," she assured him, with Kirk giving her order a nod of approval.
"That's all the time I'll need. He'll live."
The moment was disturbed when Hikaru and some of his security officers marched in to the sickbay.
"What is this, Mr. Sulu?" Jim queried angrily.
"Mr. Spock has orders to kill you, Captain," Hikaru reported. "He will succeed. Apparently," he added, picking up a dagger. One that Selene recognized as her own. "You will also appear to have killed him after a fierce battle. Regrettable, but it will leave me in command," he said smugly, waving the dagger around.
Suddenly, one of Sulu's men disappeared. Then another.
It was Marlena's doing. From the captain's room, she was pressing that little blue button that could kill any crewmember of her choosing. Then, the third man disappeared, leaving Hikaru Sulu all alone. Her work done, she shut off the device.
Jim stepped forward to challenge him, but Selene pulled him back. She squeezed Jim's hand and moved to challenge Hikaru in his place. She couldn't forgive Jim if he killed Hikaru. She wouldn't be able to forgive herself either. But, still, she considered Hikaru to be her responsibility.
She was unarmed and he had her weapon. Good thing she and her Hikaru had practiced this back home. But, she never thought she would have had to use this against him one day. He lunged at her. Quickly, she dodged out of the way, grabbing his forearm with her left hand and striking his wrist hard with her right fist. While he was still stunned, she pulled his arm forward. He lost his balance and was tugged onto an empty bed. She saw his neck was exposed. Focusing so that she would only knock him out and not permanently injure him, she struck him at the base of the neck. He collapsed to the ground.
Dazed, she walked back over to Jim. "I hope I never have to fight him for real again," she said, resting her head on his shoulder. Did that fight count as spousal abuse? The only thing she knew for sure was that she wasn't going to be able to practice with him for a long time.
"You didn't have to do that," Jim replied, putting an arm around her shoulder.
"Oh, yes I did," she corrected, although she wouldn't elaborate further.
"Captain, Mrs. Sulu, we've only got ten minutes," Scotty warned.
"Let's go then," Jim replied.
But, Bones wasn't done healing the bearded Spock yet. "I can't let him die, Jim. You all go up to the transporter room. I'll meet you there in five minutes."
"No longer," Jim warned.
"I guarantee it," Bones promised. "That's all I'll need."
The other three nodded and headed off, although Selene paused long enough to place a quick peck on the unconscious Hikaru's cheek, as a sort of apology.
Bones injected a hypo into Spock's shoulder. It worked quite quickly. Within a few second, he was waking up. And he wasn't happy. Spock sat up and grabbed Bones' hand so that he wouldn't be able to inject him with anything else. "Why did the captain let me live?"
Bones tried to tug his wrist free, but Spock held tight. His grip was vicelike. He rose from the bed and backed Bones against the wall. He extended a hand and put his fingers on specific points on the doctor's face. "Our minds are merging, Doctor. Our minds are one. I feel what you feel. I know what you know."
The other three were met in the transporter room by Marlena. Selene moved to attack, but Jim put out his arm. "She's a friend," he informed them. "Activate the transporter, Scotty." Scotty nodded, and moved to follow orders. Jim, meanwhile, approached Marlena. "You saved us. Back in sickbay, with the Tantalus field."
"Take me with you," she requested.
"I can't," he said regretfully. "I'm sorry. Our power is balanced for four. There's no guarantee that we'll make it with five. All of us could die. Scotty?"
"It's working, sir," he reported, allowing himself to feel some optimism for the first time since they had arrived in this universe.
"But, there are only three of you," Marlena noticed.
"One is coming," Jim replied. "I'd help if I could, Marlena. Believe that." Marlena drew her phaser and pointed it at him. "If you kill us, you'll still stay," he reminded her.
While Jim was talking to her, Selene was able to sneak up behind Marlena and wrest the phaser from the other woman. She backed Marlena against a wall and held the phaser to her head. "I am this close to being able to go back home. This effing close to my husband and kids. I have babies waiting for me and I'll be damned if you're going to keep me from getting back to my family!" Selene hissed.
"Where's McCoy?" Jim asked, walking past the women. Bones was nowhere in sight. "Time, Scotty?"
"Five minutes, sir."
"Take me with you. Do you know what they'll do to me?" Marlena pleaded. Selene pressed the tip of her phaser to the other woman's temple. Normally, Selene was never this ruthless. But, when her children were involved, there were no lengths to which she wouldn't go.
"The power's cut, sir! They're onto us!"
Scotty and Jim talked about the technicalities of the transporter. It was discovered that in order to get the necessary power, someone would need to stay behind to operate the controls manually. "One of us will have to stay," Jim repeated numbly.
"I'll stay, Captain," Scotty volunteered.
"Get to the transporter chamber," Jim commanded. "You too, Selene. We've deprived your family of you for long enough." She nodded, leaving Marlena alone (although she did keep the phaser and dagger), tears welling in her eyes. She didn't want to leave him, but her family…
"Jim!" Scotty shouted. Surely Kirk couldn't mean it.
"That's an order, Mr. Scott," Jim stated.
"Aye, Captain," Scotty acknowledged sadly, taking a place beside Selene on the transporter pad.
"What about me?" Marlena asked, rushing over to Jim.
Jim ignored her, mumbling that McCoy should hurry. And no sooner were the words out of his mouth did McCoy walked into the transporter room, being held firmly by the arm by Spock.
"I cut the power to the transporter," Spock readily confessed. "It was necessary to delay your beam-out until I could arrive." He then released McCoy, whom Scotty helped onto the transporter pad. Then, he walked over to the transporter console and stood beside Kirk. "Engineering, reactivate main transporter circuits."
"You're a man of integrity in both universes, Mr. Spock," Jim said with a smile.
"You must return to your universe and I must have my captain back," Spock replied. "I shall operate the transporter. You have 2 minutes and ten seconds."
"With that time, I have something I'd like to say," Kirk said. "How long before the Halkan prediction of total elective reform is realized?"
"Approximately 240 years."
"The inevitable outcome?"
"The empire shall be overthrown, of course."
"The illogic of waste, Mr. Spock. The waste of lives, potential, resources, time. I submit to you that your empire is illogical because it cannot endure. I submit that you are illogical to be a willing participant in it."
"You have one minute and twenty-three seconds."
"If change is inevitable, predictable, beneficial, doesn't logic demand that you be a part of it?"
"One man cannot summon the future."
"But, one man can change the present. Be the captain of this Enterprise, Mr. Spock. Find a logical reason for sparing the Halkans and make it stick. Push until it gives. You can defend yourself better than any man in the fleet."
"Jim, get on the pad!" Selene urged him.
"What about it, Spock?" Jim asked.
"A man must also have the power."
"In my cabin, there's a device that will make you invincible," Jim told him.
"Indeed."
"What will it be? Past or future? Tyranny or freedom? It's up to you," Kirk said, before getting on the transporter pad between Bones and Selene.
"It is time," Spock reminded him.
"In every revolution, there's one man with a vision," Jim added as a parting comment.
"Captain Kirk, I shall consider it," Spock said, activating the transporter.
Aboard the USS Enterprise, the members of the landing party materialized, and in their proper uniforms. Spock and the transporter operator, Kyle, were waiting for them. The returning officers walked over en masse to the First Officer.
"Welcome home," Spock said simply. "Selene, I do believe that your son wishes to see you as soon as possible."
"Knock, knock," she said, knocking on the door to her family's quarters.
"Who is it?" Naoki asked, from the inside. "Mom said not to open the door for strangers."
"Your mom sounds like a smart lady."
"She likes to think so."
"Didn't she also tell you not to talk to strangers?" Selene asked.
"Yeah, but…" There was silence as Naoki realized who was at the door. "Mom?" he asked, not daring to hope, just in case it wasn't her.
"I'm home, Nao," she said, opening the door.
"MOM!" he shouted gleefully, tackling her right there in the corridor. Even if she hadn't been gone that long, she might have been in another universe, and he had missed her. A lot.
"Oh, I missed you too, sweetie," she whispered, squeezing him as hard as she could without hurting him, afraid that she might find herself, alone, back in the other universe.
"Were you in another universe like Uncle Spock said?" he asked, not-so-sublty shoving her away. It wouldn't do to have Awena walk by and see him hugging his mother in public.
Selene sighed. Nao sure had gotten over his separation anxiety pretty quickly. "Let's go inside, honey. I'll tell you all about it."
On the bridge the next day, everyone was back at work.
"What I don't understand is how you were able to identify our counterparts so quickly," Kirk observed.
"It was far easier for you, as civilized men, to behave like barbarians than it was for them, as barbarians, to behave like civilized men. I assume they returned to their Enterprise the same time you appeared here?"
"Probably," Jim said. "However, that Jim Kirk will find a few changes if I read my Spocks correctly."
"Jim, I think I liked him with a beard better," Selene teased. "It gave him character."
"Of course, almost any change would be a distinct improvement," McCoy added, joining in the fun.
"What worries me is the easy way his counterpart fitted into that other universe," Jim commented.
"I always thought Spock was a bit of a pirate at heart," Selene grinned.
"Indeed. May I point out that I had the opportunity to observe your counterparts here quite closely. They were brutal, savage, unprincipled, uncivilized, treacherous, and in every way splendid examples of homo sapiens. The very flower of humanity. I found them quite refreshing."
"I'm not sure, Nyota," Selene grinned. "But, I think we've been insulted."
"Oh, I'm sure," Uhura replied, mirroring her smile.
A woman came on the bridge with something for the captain to approve. Selene, Scotty and McCoy stared at her in shock. It was Marlena!
The look on Kirk's face was priceless. "I was transferred here last week," she explained.
"Alright, Lieutenant. Carry on," he ordered.
"You met her before, Jim?" Spock asked.
"Why do you ask?" Jim replied.
"Your reaction. One of recognition."
"Oh, no. We haven't met before," Jim denied. "But, I think we could become friends," he added, winking at Selene who shook her head disapprovingly.
 
"Space Station K7 now within sensor range, Captain," Selene reported. She, Jim, Spock, and Chekov were in one of the smaller meeting rooms. Sometimes it was nice to get away from all of the hustle and bustle that dominated the rest of the ship.
"Good," Jim replied, reclining in his chair. "Mr. Chekov, this flight is supposed to provide both experience and knowledge. How close will we come to the nearest Klingon outpost if we continue on our present course?"
"One parsec, sir," Chekov replied dutifully. "Close enough to smell them."
"That is illogical, Mr. Chekov," Spock responded. "Odors cannot travel through the vacuum of space."
"I was making a little joke, sir," Chekov explained, disappointed that Spock hadn't gotten the joke.
"Extremely little," Spock retorted, causing Selene to nearly spit out the mouthful of pomegranate juice she had been drinking at the time.
Restraining herself enough to swallow the mouthful of beverage, she wiped her mouth delicately and then upbraided Spock for making such a joke at such an inopportune time. "If I didn't know better, I would have thought that you had planned it that way."
"I have no idea what you are talking about."
"This is all quite entertaining," Jim readily admitted. "But, we have business to attend to. Mr. Spock, immediate past history of the quadrant?"
"Under dispute between the two parties since initial contact. A battle was fought here nearly 23 solar years ago. Inconclusive."
"Analysis of disputed area, Mrs. Sulu?"
"Undeveloped, Jim. Sherman's Planet is claimed by both sides. But, between the Federation and the Klingon Empire, we've got the better claim."
"The area was first mapped by the famous Russian astronomer Ivan Burkov almost two-" Chekov began.
"John Burke," Selene corrected.
"Burke, ma'am?" She nodded, an indulgent smile gracing her features. "I don't think so. I'm sure it was-"
"John Burke," Spock repeated. "He was the chief astronomer at the Royal Academy in Old Britain at the time."
"Oh. Royal Academy," Chekov replied derisively. "Well-"
"Is the rest of your history that faulty, Chekov?" Jim teased. "Key points of dispute?" he asked returning to the matter at hand.
"Under the terms of the Organian peace treaty, one side or the mother must prove it can dewelop the planet most efficiently," Chekov answered, eager to prove that he did know history. After all, it wasn't his fault that the others, even Spock, had been so ill-informed about astronomic history. Unfortunate, but not everyone could be educated in Russia.
"And unfortunately, though the Klingons are brutal and aggressive, they are most efficient," Jim admitted.
"I remember once, Peter the Great had a problem like that. He-" Chekov reminisced before being cut off by an incoming communication.
"Captain?" Uhura's voice inquired.
"Kirk here," he confirmed.
"Captain, I'm picking up a subspace distress call. Priority Channel. It's from Space Station K7."
"Go to Code 1 Emergency," Kirk ordered. He and the others sprung into action.
"Code 1 Emergency?" Chekov asked. "That's Red Alert!"
"Red Alert!" Uhura's voice announced from every speaker aboard the ship. "All crewmembers to battle stations. All passengers are restricted to quarters and directed to secure themselves until further notice. The nearest security officers are directed to make sure all passengers are properly secured."
There were no passengers aboard the starship. But, according to Starfleet, that's what the children were considered. 
Captain's Log. Stardate: 4523.3. Deep Space Station K7 has issued a Priority 1 call. More than an emergency, it signals near or total disaster. We can only assume the Klingons have attacked the station. We're going in armed for battle.
"Main phasers armed and ready, sir," Chekov reported. Something wasn't right. There were no Klingon ships. "There's nothing there. Just the station."
"Priority 1 distress call, and it's absolutely peaceful," Jim mumbled, flipping a few switches at the helm console. He looked to his First and Second Officers, but they were just as confused as he was. "Commander Uhura, break subspace silence."
"The channel is open, sir," she replied almost immediately. The communications board was like an extension of herself.
"Space Station K7, this is Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise. What is your emergency?" This had better not be some kind of false alarm or he would be pissed.
"Captain Kirk, this is Mr. Lurry, manager of K7. I must apologize for the distress call."
"Mr. Lurry, you issued a Priority 1 distress call. State the nature of your emergency." Son of a bitch! He just knew this was a false alarm. Oh, was Starfleet going to hear about this. You couldn't just issue that kind of emergency signal and then act liked you had dialed the wrong number.
"Uh…Well…Perhaps you had better beam over. I'll try to explain," Mr. Lurry replied.
"You'll try to explain," Kirk repeated incredulously. "You'd better be prepared to do more than that! Kirk out," he said, signaling Uhura to end the subspace communication. There was going to be hell to pay when he got over to that station. "Spock, Selene, I'll need your help. Chekov, Sulu, maintain battle readiness. Uhura, make sure the transporter room is standing by."
"Aye, sir." The three of them beamed aboard the space station where Mr. Lurry was waiting for them. And none of them were pleased. Least of all Jim. "Mr. Lurry, if there was no emergency, why did you issue a Priority 1 distress call."
"That was my order, Captain," another man chimed in.
"Captain Kirk, this is Neil Barrett," Mr. Lurry introduced. "He's out from Earth to take charge of the development of the project for Sherman's Planet."
"And that gives you the authority to put an entire quadrant on defense alert?" Jim asked angrily.
"Mr. Barrett is the Federation Undersecretary in charge of Agricultural Affairs in this quadrant," yet a third man answered defensively.
Spock quirked an eyebrow in interest before remarking to his companions, "And that gives him the authority."
Selene merely frowned. She couldn't give a rat's ass who the man was; she did not appreciate someone sending her children and crew into battle stations for no good reason. If there was no emergency, she was going to throw something heavy at someone.
"This is my assistant, Arnold Darvin," Mr. Barrett introduced.
"This is my First Officer, Mr. Spock, and my Second Officer, Mrs. Sulu," Jim replied out of deference rather than courtesy. The other three nodded and greeted them. Spock returned the nod, while Selene just glared and struggled not to stick her tongue out at them.
"And, now, Captain," Mr. Barrett began. "I want all available security guards. I want them posted around the storage compartments."
"Storage compartments? Storage compartments?" Jim repeated, unable to believe what he was hearing. It was ridiculous. They had been called to guard grain?
"The storage compartments containing the quadrotriticale," Mr. Arnold explained.
"The what?" Jim asked, too angry to think. "What the hell is that?"
"Here," Mr. Lurry said, holding out a pouch to Kirk.
Jim poured some of the blue grains into his hand. "Wheat? So what?"
"Quadrotriticale is not wheat, Captain," Mr. Barret responded. "Of course, I wouldn't expect you or your officers to know these things. But, quadrotriticale is a rather-"
Selene couldn't take it anymore. She had to say something. It was either that or smack Mr. Barrett across the face. Insulting her intelligence was one thing, but insulting the intelligence of her friends was a different matter entirely. "Excuse me! I don't wear science officer blue because I think it matches my eyes," she hissed. "Quadrotriticale is a high-yield grain. A four-lobed hybrid of wheat and rye. A perennial, also, if I'm not mistaken. Care to go on, Mr. Spock?"
"Thank you, Mrs. Sulu. I shall. It's root grain, tritacale, can trace it's ancestry all the way back to 20th century Canada-" He, too, could have gone on, had he not been interrupted.
"That's enough, you two. You made your point," Jim smirked, amused.
"Quadrotriticale is the only Earth grain that will grow on Sherman's Planet," Mr. Lurry explained. "We have several tons of it here on the station. It's very important that grain gets to Sherman's Planet safely. Mr. Barrett thinks that Klingon agents might try to sabotage it."
"You issued a Priority 1 distress call for a couple of tons of wheat?" Jim asked, the amusement from his first and second officers' antics having very quickly worn off.
"Quadrotriticale," Mr. Arnold corrected, drawing glares from both Jim and Selene.
"Of course, Captain, I realize that we-"
"Mr. Barrett," Jim interrupted. "You summoned the Enterprise without an emergency. You'll take full responsibility for it."
"What do you mean?" Barrett asked.
Selene took great pleasure in informing him that "Misuse of the Priority 1 Channel is a Federation offense."
"I did not misuse the Priority 1 Channel," Barrett maintained. "I want that grain protected."
"Captain, couldn't you at least post a couple of guards?" Mr. Lurry requested. "We do have a large number of ships passing through."
"It would seem a logical precaution, Captain," Spock stated. "The Sherman's Planet affair is of extreme importance to the Federation."
Neither Jim nor Selene were pleased with what Spock had said, but they knew better than to argue with him, especially when he made sense. She sighed as Jim pulled out his communicator. "Kirk to Enterprise."
"Enterprise here," Uhura replied, still battle-ready.
"Secure from general quarters. Beam down two, and only two, security guards." Barrett wasn't pleased. "Tell them to report to Mr. Lurry and authorize shore leave for all off-duty personnel."
"Yes, Captain," she replied happily. This day had improved quickly. It had gone from battle stations to vacation within a few minutes. Awena had been looking forward to another outing anyway.
"Kirk out."
"Captain Kirk, how dare you authorize a mere two men for a project of this importance," Barrett said outraged. "Starfleet Command-"
"I have never questioned the orders or intelligence of any representative of the Federation," Jim interrupted. "Until now," he added, as he and his companions turned and left the room very quickly. This time, Selene didn't bother trying to contain her mirth. At a bar somewhere on the station, Jim was venting his frustrations to Spock and Selene as he waited for the rest of the crew to arrive. "Summoning a starship on a Priority A1 Channel to guard some storage compartments. Storage compartments of wheat!"
"Nevertheless, the Klingons would not enjoy seeing a successfully developed Sherman's Planet," Spock reminded him.
"I guess not," Jim agreed, sharing the rest of his drink with Selene.
As they were leaving the bar, they encountered Uhura, Awena, Naoki, and Pavel. Hikaru had elected to stay behind and watch the younger three.
"I see you didn't waste any time in taking your shore leave," Jim observed.
"How often do I get shore leave?" Uhura reminded him.
"She wants to shop, and I thought I would help her vith the young ones," Pavel explained.
"Hi, Mom," Naoki stated happily. "No emergency?"
"No emergency," she confirmed. "I take it you and Awena wanted to go shopping too?"
"Not really, but shopping is better than no shore leave at all," Naoki shrugged, causing both mothers to laugh.
"Excuse me, excuse me," a man in a raggedy coat said, edging past the group.
"Nao, what do you make of this?" Selene asked, handing him the pouch of quadrotriticale they still had from earlier.
"Oh, quadrotriticale," he observed. "Awena told me about this, but I've never seen any before."
"Does everybody know about this wheat but me?" Jim inquired, somewhat embarrassed that even the kids knew more about it than he did.
"Well, not everyone, Captain," Chekov said. "It's a Russian inwention."
"Oh," Jim sighed, deciding to give up, not wanting to start the same argument all over again. He and Spock departed, with Selene electing to remain behind with Uhura, Chekov, and the children. Unfortunately, Spock didn't have the luxury of remaining behind.
"I've told you before and I'll tell you again, I don't want any more Spikan Flamejems," the bartender told the same man in the raggedy coat who had passed the Starfleet group. "Thanks to you, I already have enough to last me a lifetime."
"That's too bad for you, my friend. You won't find a better looking stone anywhere," the man replied. "But, I have something better." He reached into one of the many pockets in his jacket and pulled out a crystal flask. "Surely you want some Antarian Flow Water?"
"I use that to polish the Flamejems," the bartender replied, rolling his eyes.
The Starfleet group watched the exchange with mild interest.
"You're a difficult man to reach. But, I have something from the far reaches of the galaxy," the raggedy man said, pulling yet another mysterious item from one of the numerous pockets in his coat. It was a small little ball of fur. The ladies interest was piqued. "Surely you want-"
"Not at your price," the bartender said.
"What is it?" Selene asked.
"Is it alive?" Nyota queried.
"May I hold it?" Awena inquired. The raggedy salesman beamed and handed the little ball of fuzz to the little quarter-Vulcan girl.
"Oh, it's adorable," her mother gushed, gazing over her daughter's shoulder.
"What is it?" Naoki asked, echoing his own mother.
"What is it? Why, young man, it is a Tribble," the raggedy man answered.
"A Tribble?" Selene repeated. She had never heard the term before.
"Only the sweetest creature known to man," the salesman affirmed. "Exceptin' of course you lovely ladies."
"It's purring," Awena laughed. The others were more than a little shocked at her blatant emotional response, but the mothers supposed that she was still a little girl and was entitled to such.
"Listen, it's purring," Awena repeated holding the Tribble up to Chekov, who smiled at her.
"It's only saying that it likes you," the salesman informed her.
"Are you selling them?" Nyota asked.
"That's what we're trying to decide right now," the bartender replied.
"My friend, ten credits apiece is a very reasonable price," the salesman responded. "You can see for yourself how much these lovely ladies appreciate the finer things."
"One credit apiece," the bartender replied, his tone suggesting that he was not going to haggle.
"He von't bite, vill he?" Chekov asked.
"Sir, transporting harmful animals from one planet to another is against regulations, or weren't you aware of that?" the bartender retorted. "Besides, Tribbles have no teeth."
"Alright, I'll double my offer," the bartender acquiesced, seeing how much the group was enjoying playing with the Tribble. "Two credits."
"Twice nothing is still nothing," the salesman shot back.
"Well, if you're not going to take him, I will," Nyota piped up. Awena had never been so obviously interested in anything since she heard about spending New Years in San Francisco with Naoki. "I think he's cute."
"Four credits," the bartender offered.
"Is that an offer or a joke?"
"That's my offer."
"That's a joke," the salesman said, collecting some of the other wares he had displayed on the bar counter.
"Five?"
"I can see you're an honest man. I'll take you what I'm going to do. I'm going to lessen my price to eight credits," he laughed.
"You're talking yourself out of a deal," the bartender replied. "Six credits and not a credit more."
"Seven and a half!" he shouted. The bartender shook his head. "Seven?" Still negative. "Oh, alright, you win. Six credits."
"Done. When can I have them?"
"Right away."
"Alright," Uhura said. "What are you selling them for?" Awena wanted that Tribble and Nyota was going to get it for her.
"Well, let me see young lady. I got them for six, but if you factor in a reasonable mark-up for a reasonable profit…say, a 10% mark-up…ten credits. In fact, I'll sell you this one," he said, pointing at the Tribble who was still resting in Awena's hands even as it ate some of the grain from Naoki's. "That'll be ten credits," the bartender repeated, plucking the Tribble from Awena's hands.
"That'll be six credits," Nyota retorted, plucking the Tribble right back. As she restored it to her daughter, she told the bartender, "And let me tell you something, just because I am nearly nine months pregnant does not mean I am incapable of kicking your ass barehanded. So, if you ever take something from my daughter like that again, not only will you have me to deal with, you'll also have to deal with her father, who is also in Starfleet. Her overprotective, half-Vulcan, super-strong, rather irritable father. Do I make myself clear?"
"Perfectly. Please, take it for free," the bartender begged.
"Good, because if you didn't I probably would have nerve-pinched you and taken it anyway," Selene informed him. "You will not treat her like that again."
"Mom, you and Aunt Nyota scare me sometimes," Naoki stated, looking perfectly unconcerned with the words that were coming out of his mouth.
"Why, thank you, sweetie," Selene replied, as though he had just paid her a great compliment. Later that day, when everyone was back aboard the Enterprise for the night, in the same meeting room from before, Spock and Jim were interrupted by an incoming communication.
"Yes, what is it?" Jim asked.
"Message from Starfleet, Captain," Uhura reported. "Priority Channel. Admiral Fitzpatrick speaking."
"Put it on visual, Uhura."
"Captain Kirk?"
"Kirk here."
"Captain, it is not necessary to remind you that of the importance of Sherman's Planet to the Federation. A key to our winning of the planet is the grain quadrotriticale. The shipment of it must be protected. Effective immediately, you will render any aid and assistance which Undersecretary Barrett may require. The safety of the grain and the project is your responsibility. Starfleet out."
"Now that's just lovely," Kirk spat. "We saved the Earth. We shouldn't have to do this! It's insane!"
"But not totally unexpected," Spock reminded him before being cut off by another incoming communication.
"Captain Kirk?" Nyota inquired. Her voice sounded more urgent this time.
"Yes, Uhura. What is it?"
"Sensors are picking up a Klingon battle cruiser," she reported. "Rapidly closing in on the station."
"Go to Red Alert. Notify Mr. Lurry. We'll be right there." "What is the position of the Klingon ship?" Kirk asked, slipping into the command chair.
"A hundred kilometers off K7," Hikaru answered. "It's just sitting there."
"Captain, I have Mr. Lurry," Uhura reported.
"Put him on visual." She did so. "Mr. Lurry, there's a Klingon warship hanging one hundred kilometers off of your station."
"I don't think the Klingons are planning to attack us," Mr. Lurry responded.
"Why not?" Selene asked.
"Because at this moment, the captain of the Klingon ship is sitting right here in my office." The visual panned out, revealing that Lurry was telling the truth. The Klingon captain had another officer with him as well.
"Cancel Red Alert," Kirk ordered. "We'll beam right down." With an intentionally audible sigh, Selene followed Jim and Spock into the lift. Captain's Log. Stardate: 4525.2. A Klingon warship is hovering only one hundred kilometers from Deep Space Station K7. While the captain waits in the station manager's office, their intentions are unknown. "Ah, my dear Captain Kirk," the Klingon captain greeted.
"My dear Captain Kolaf," Kirk replied.
"Let me assure, you my intentions are peaceful," Kolaf assured him. "As I've already told Mr. Lurry, the purpose of my presence here is to invoke shore leave rights."
"Shore leave?" Jim asked.
"Captain, we Klingons are not as luxury-minded as you Terrans. We do not equip our ships with, how shall I say it, non-essentials," Kolaf explained.
"We have been in space for five months. What we choose as recreation is our own business," the other Klingon added.
"I might also add that under the terms of the Organian peace treaty, you cannot refuse us," Kolaf declared.
"Yes," Kirk said. "Well, I don't make those decisions. Mr. Lurry is in charge of those matters."
"Captain Kirk, may I speak to you over here?" Lurry asked, escorting Jim to a far corner of the room. "Kirk, I don't want them here, but I don't have the authority to refuse."
"Hmm," Jim pondered. "Well, I have the authority to act, so I'm going to use it." He and Lurry returned to the others. "My dear Captain Kolaf, you may indeed bring your men down on shore leave. But, only twelve at a time, and I assure you that for every man you bring down here, I shall have one security guard. There shall be no trouble."
Kolaf smiled and laughed. "Captain Kirk, there's been no formal declaration of hostilities between our two respective governments. So, naturally, our relationship will be a peaceful one."
"Let us both take steps to keep it that way," Jim replied.
"Of course," Kolaf responded, leading he and his officer out. The three senior-most officers walked into a rec room and discovered Scotty sitting at the computer.
"Another technical journal, Scotty?" Selene asked with a smile. Now it almost felt like a normal day.
"Aye," he replied, just as happily.
"Don't you ever relax?" Jim teased.
"I am relaxing," Scotty responded.
Uhura was at the table surrounded by other crewman and several Tribbles.
"How long have you had that thing, Uhura?" Bones asked.
"Since yesterday, Bones," she answered. "I bought one as a present for Awena. This morning I found out that he, I mean, she had had babies."
"Well, I'd say in that case, you got a bargain."
"You running a nursery, Uhura?" Jim asked. "I thought it was Mrs. Sulu's job to be surrounded by babies."
"Shut up, Jim," Mrs. Sulu replied, elbowing her captain none-too-gently in the ribs.
"Well, I hadn't intended to, sir. But, the Tribble had other plans."
"Did you get this at the space station?" Jim asked.
"Yes, sir," she replied.
"A most curious creature," Spock observed, gently stroking the white one he picked up. He had not encountering Awena's or any other Tribble before now. "It's trilling seems to have a tranquilizing effect on the human nervous system. Fortunately, of course, I am immune to its effect."
Selene and Uhura exchanged knowing grins as they heard Spock's blatant lie. However, Selene had to follow Jim and Spock out, so she gave her farewells.
"Uhura, do you mind if I take one of these down to the lab and see what makes it tick?" McCoy asked.
"Alright, Doctor, but if you're going to dissect it, I don't want to know about it."
"I wouldn't harm a hair on its head," Bones promised. "Wherever that is." "Bridge to Captain Kirk," Chekov commed as the three of them were on their way through the ship's corridors.
He pressed a button on a wall comm unit. "Kirk here."
"Mr. Barrett is waiting on Channel A to speak with you, sir."
"Pipe it down here, will you, Mr. Chekov?" Kirk requested, looking very sullen.
"Aye, sir. Mr. Barrett is coming on."
"Yes, Mr. Barrett. What can I do for you?"
"Kirk, this station is swarming with Klingons."
"I was not aware, Mr. Barrett, that twelve Klingons constitutes a swarm."
"Kirk, there are Klingon soldiers on this station. Now, I want you to keep that grain safe."
"Mr. Barrett, I have guards around the grain. I have guards around the Klingons. The only reason those guards are there is because Starfleet wants them there. As for what you want…" he trailed off, being aware of the 'shut-up-while-you-can' look Spock was giving him. "It has been noted and logged. Kirk out."
"Captain, may I ask where you'll be?" Spock inquired.
"Sickbay. With a headache."
"C'mon, Spock. Let's go back and see Uhura and the Tribbles," Selene suggested. "Hi, Jim," McCoy said, enclosing a bunch of Tribbles under a glass container.
"Bones, what do you got for a headache?"
"Let me guess," he said with a snap of his fingers. "The Klingons? Barrett?"
"Both. Hey, how many of these did Uhura give you?"
"Just one."
"But you have eleven."
"Oh, you noticed? Here," he said, handing Jim some medicine. "This ought to take care of it."
"How do they…?"
"I, uh, haven't figured that out yet. But, I can tell you this much. Almost 50% of the creature's metabolism is devoted to reproduction. Do you know what you get if you feed a Tribble too much?"
"A fat Tribble?"
"No, you moron. You get a whole bunch of hungry little Tribbles."
"Well, Bones, all I can suggest is that you open up a maternity ward. Uhura's going to be needing one soon, and knowing Selene, soon enough, she will be too." "Honey?"
"Yeah?" Hikaru replied.
"I don't know why, but I feel like kicking Jim's ass. Make a note of it so I don't forget."
"Whatever you say, Dear."
"I want all you men going on shore leave to stay in groups," Jim instructed a large group, including Scotty and Chekov. "Avoid trouble with the Klingons."
"I'll tell them before they go, sir," Scotty replied.
"Aren't you going?" Jim asked, confused.
"No, sir."
"I want you to go on shore leave. Make sure that everyone stays out of trouble."
"But, Captain…Aye, sir…" Scotty and Chekov ambled into the same bar that he had visited yesterday with Uhura and the kids. But, it wasn't long after he and Scotty were seated that the same salesman from the other day returned as well.
He approached their table. "Ah, friends," he began, reaching into his pocket. "Can I offer you a charming little Tribble?" he asked, placing one on Scotty's shoulder.
"Uh, no thanks," Scotty replied, clearly uncomfortable.
"Perhaps one of you other gentlemen," the salesman said, clearly unconcerned, as he offered the Tribble to Chekov and the other crewman they were there with, but they shrugged him off too. So, he went to the next table, where the Klingons were sitting. "Friend Klingon, can interest you in a harmless little Tribble?"
"Get it away from me," the Klingon replied, looking just as displeased as the Tribble sounded.
"I'm sorry. I can't understand it. I've never seen them act this way before," the salesman apologized.
"Get out of here with that parasite," the Klingon demanded.
"He's only a harmless little-"
"Take it away!"
Shrugging off the encounter, he returned to the bartender. "Ah, my good friend. How would you like to enter another little transaction? This time, a Tribble-"
"A Tribble?" he asked, pulling out at least a dozen from underneath his bar.
Meanwhile, a waitress had arrived at Scotty and Chekov's table with their drinks.
"When are you gonna get off that milk diet, lad?" Scotty asked Chekov.
"This is wodka," Chekov replied, confused.
"Where I come from, that's soda pop," Scotty retorted. He held his drink up for Chekov to see. "Now, this is a drink for a man."
Chekov looked amused. "Scotch?"
"Aye."
"It vas inwented by a little old lady from Leningrad," Chekov scoffed. He and Scotty shared a chuckle over their funny little discussion.
A Klingon at the bar smacked a Tribble away from him. "The Terrans like those fuzzy little things, don't they?" he asked.
"Oh, yes," the salesman replied.
"Well, frankly I never liked Terrans. They remind me of Regulan Bloodworms."
Scotty and Chekov were definitely not happy with what the Klingon had to say. "That Cossack," Chekov mumbled angrily.
"Easy, lad," Scotty responded. "You ought to be more forgiving."
"Oh, I just remembered," the Klingon declared. "There is one Earth man who doesn't remind me of a Regulan Bloodworm. That would be Kirk. A Regulan Bloodworm is soft and shapeless. But, Kirk isn't soft. Kirk may be a swaggering, ignorant, tin-plated playboy with delusions of godhood, but he's not soft."
Chekov slammed his drink on the table and stood to teach the Klingon a thing or two about saying negative things about his friends, but Scotty stopped him. "Easy lad. Everybody's entitled to an opinion." Reluctantly, Chekov sat back down.
"That's right," the Klingon said, approaching their table. "And if I think that Kirk is a Denebian Slime Devil, well that's my opinion too."
Chekov tried to stand, but again, Scotty stopped him. "Don't do it, Chekov, and that's an order."
"But, you heard vat he called the captain," Chekov replied.
"Forget it," Scotty urged. "It's not worth fighting for. We're big enough to take a few insults. Now, drink your drink," he commanded, sliding Chekov a glass of Scotch.
The Klingon went on. "Of course, I'd say that Captain Kirk deserves his ship. We like the Enterprise. We really do," he laughed. "That sagging, old rust bucket is designed like a garbage barge. Half the quadrant knows it."
"Mr. Scott, are you going to-"
"Laddy," Scotty said to the Klingon. "Don't you think you should rephrase that?"
"You're right," the Klingon allowed. "I should. I didn't mean to say that the Enterprise should be hauling garbage. I meant to say that it should be hauled away as garbage."
Slowly and calmly, Scotty stood. The Klingon was too busy laughing to notice. So, naturally, it came as quite the surprise to him when Scotty sucker-punched him. Soon, it was four Klingons versus the three crewmen of the Enterprise. For a few minutes, the crewmen managed to hold their own. But, it was still a welcome relief when four security officers came running into the bar. Captain's Log. Stardate: 4525.6. A small disturbance between the Klingon crew and members of the Enterprise crew has broken out aboard Space Station K7. I am forced to cancel shore leave for both ships. "I want to know who started it," Selene asked, giving the guilty crewmembers her best glare as she paced up and down the line. "I'm waiting, boys. Don't make me ask again. Freyman, who started the fight?" she asked, stopping in front of him.
"I don't know, ma'am," he responded, staring straight ahead.
"Alright," she said, not believing him for a minute. "Pavel, I know you. You started it, didn't you?"
"No, ma'am, I didn't," he replied. Mother's intuition said he was telling the truth.
"Then who did?"
"I don't know, ma'am." Okay, now he was lying.
"'I don't know, ma'am,'" she repeated derisively. "I want to know who threw the first punch." No one answered. "Fine, you're all confined to quarters until I find out who it who started it. And I cannot believe I just had to ground you all. I've never been more ashamed of any of you. The captain is going to be debriefing you next. So, seriously consider telling me what happened, because Jim can do a lot worse to you than just confinement. Dismissed." The crewmen began filing out of the room. "Scotty, not you. From what I hear, you were supposed to prevent trouble."
"Aye, ma'am."
"Who threw the first punch, Scotty?"
"Um…"
"Scotty?"
"I did, ma'am," he confessed, looking properly ashamed.
"You did, Mr. Scott?" Selene asked, stunned. That certainly hadn't been the answer she was expecting. He nodded. "What happened, Scotty?"
"They insulted us, ma'am."
"Must have been some insult," she observed.
"Aye, it was."
"You threw the first punch," she repeated. She still couldn't believe it.
"Aye," he confirmed. "Chekov wanted to, but I held him back."
"You held…Why did Chekov want to start a fight?" she asked. It boggled her mind to think of sweet and innocent Chekov wanting to fight someone.
"Well, the Klingons, they…" he paused. "Is this off the record?"
"No, this is not off the record!"
"Well, ma'am, the Klingons called the Captain a tin-plated, ignorant, swaggering playboy with delusions of godhood."
"Is that all?" She called Jim much worse than that at least once a day.
"No, ma'am. They also compared him to a Denebian Slime Devil."
"I see," she replied, trying not to laugh.
"And then they said that he-"
"I get the picture," she interrupted. If Scotty went on much longer, she was definitely going to lose it, and that wouldn't be very professional.
"Yes, ma'am."
"And after they said all this, that was when you hit the Klingons?"
"No, ma'am."
"No?"
"No, I didn't. The captain told us to avoid trouble. And I didn't see that it was worth fighting about. After all, we're big enough to take a few insults. Aren't we?"
"What was it they said that started the fight?" she asked, more confused than amused.
"They called the Enterprise a garbage barge!"
"I see," she said, trying not to laugh again. "And that's when you hit the Klingons?"
"Yes, ma'am," he answered proudly.
"You hit the Klingons because they insulted the Enterprise, not because they-" She couldn't wait to see the look on Jim's face when she told him that Scotty had been able to shrug off all the insults about him, but had lost it when they insulted the ship.
"Well, ma'am, this was a matter of pride."
"Alright, Scotty. Dismissed. Oh, and Scotty, you're restricted to quarters until further notice. Sorry."
"Yes, ma'am. Thank you, ma'am. That'll give me a chance to keep up on my technical journals," he said brightly before he left the room. The glass case Doctor McCoy had used to contain his Tribbles had overflowed and there were Tribbles all over the desk. Spock and Selene were there to do their own research on the mysterious little balls of fluff.
"What's the matter, Spock?" Bones asked.
"There's something disquieting about these creatures."
"Oh? Don't tell me you've got a feeling?"
"Don't be insulting, Bones," Selene warned teasingly, as she assisted Spock with some of the over-abundant Tribbles.
Spock continued as though neither of them had said anything. "They remind me of the lilies of the field. 'They toil not. Neither do they spin.' They seem to eat a great deal. I see no practical use for them."
"Does everything have to have a practical use?" Bones asked. "They're nice, they're soft, they're furry, and they make a pleasant sound."
"So does an Urman violin, Doctor, but I see no advantage in having one," Spock replied.
"It's a human characteristic to love little animals," Bones explained. "Especially if they are attractive in some way."
"Doctor, I am well aware of human characteristics, being married to one and being the father of a mostly-human child. As such, I have trained myself to put up with practically anything."
"Spock, I don't know too much about these little Tribbles yet, but there is one thing that I have discovered," Bones stated angrily.
"What's that, Bones?" Selene asked disinterestedly. The arguments between the two men tended to lose their novelty pretty quickly.
"I like them better than I like Spock."
Selene snickered. She hadn't been expecting that.
"Doctor, they do indeed have one redeeming characteristic."
"What's that?"
"They do not talk too much," Spock answered. Selene's snickering became full-on laughter. "If you will excuse us, sir," he said, leading the way out of the sickbay. There were Tribbles all over the bridge. Jim sat down in his chair and was surprised to hear it squeak. He rose to discover that there was one in his chair. He sighed angrily as he commed Medical."Doctor McCoy, would you mind coming up to the bridge?"
"Right away, Jim."
Kirk rose from his chair and began pacing the bridge. He walked past Selene, and then Spock, until he reached Nyota. "Commander Uhura, how did all of these Tribbles get on the bridge?"
"I don't know, sir," she replied. "They do seem to be all over the ship."
"Bones!" Jim said, as Doctor McCoy entered the bridge.
"You wanted to see, Jim?" Jim held out a handful of Tribbles to him. "Well, don't look at me. It's the Tribbles who are breeding. If we don't get them of the ship, we're going to be hip-deep in them."
"What's going on?" Kirk asked.
"Well, near as I can tell, they're born pregnant. Which seems to be quite a time saver," he joked.
"I know, but, really…"
"And, from my observations, it seems they're hermaphroditic, reproducing at will. And, brother, they've got a lot of will," Bones commented.
"Captain, I am forced to agree with the Doctor," Spock said. "Mrs. Sulu and I have been running calculations based on their rate of reproduction, and the figures are taking an alarming direction. They are consuming our supplies and returning nothing."
"Oh, but they do give us something, Spock," Nyota argued. "They give us love. Your daughter seems to love them anyway."
"Too much of anything, Uhura, even love, isn't necessarily a good thing," Jim retorted, tossing the Tribbles he was holding at her.
"Yes, Captain," she said, rolling her eyes.
"Get some of the crew. We need to clean up the entire ship, and then contact Mr. Lurry and tell him that we're beaming down," Jim ordered.
"Aye, sir."
"Have him find the man who sold you the first Tribble, and hold him!" Before he, Bones, Spock, and Selene left the bridge, he added, "And get these Tribbles off the bridge." "Captain Kirk, I'm mystified at your tone of voice. I've done nothing to warrant such severe treatment," the salesman, Cyrano Jones, declared.
"Oh, really?" Jim replied.
"Surely you must have realized what would happen if you removed the Tribbles from their predator filled environment to an environment where their natural reproductive proclivities have no restraining factor," Spock stated.
"What did you say?" Cyrano asked.
"By removing the Tribbles from their natural habitat, you've opened a can of worms," Selene translated.
"By that, you mean they breed quickly," Cyrano chuckled good-naturedly. "Of course. That's how I maintain my stock. But, breeding animals isn't against regulations, only breeding dangerous ones. And Tribbles aren't dangerous."
"Just incredibly prolific," Selene said, rolling her eyes.
"Precisely, lovely lady. And at six credits a head, well, that is, a body, it mounts up. Now, if you'll excuse me," he said, rising from the chair.
"You should sell and instruction and maintenance manual for these things," Jim suggested.
"If I did, what would happen to man's search for knowledge," Cyrano replied. "Well, I must be tending my ship."
As Cyrano made his way out, he passed Mr. Barrett and Mr. Arnold, neither of whom looked too happy. "Go ahead, sir. Tell them," Mr. Arnold said sycophantly.
"Captain Kirk, I consider your security measures a disgrace," Mr. Barrett said angrily. "in my opinion, you have taken this very important project far too lightly."
"On the contrary, sir," Jim replied. "I think of this project as very important. It is you I take lightly."
"I am going to report fully to the proper authorities that you have given free and complete access to this station to a man who is quite probably a Klingon agent," Mr. Barrett continued.
"Now, that's a very serious charge," Selene responded. "To whom are you referring?"
"To that man who just walked out of here," Barrett answered, pointing at the door.
"Cyrano Jones?" Kirk asked incredulously. "A Klingon agent?"
"You heard me," Barrett maintained.
"I heard you," Jim confirmed.
"I simply cannot believe it either," Spock stated, since Jim and Selene were far too amused by Barrett's accusation. They turned to him, a bit surprised that he actually had an opinion on the matter, which they assumed to be beneath him.
"What evidence do you have against Mr. Jones?" Kirk asked.
"My assistant here has kept Mr. Jones under close surveillance for quite some time," Mr. Barrett stated. "And his actions have been most suspicious. I believe he was involved in that little altercation between your men and the men from his ship-"
"Yes, yes, yes," Jim interrupted, wanting Barrett to get to the point. "Go on. What else do you have?"
"Well, Captain, I checked the ship's log and it seems he was within the Klingon sphere of influence four months ago," Arnold said.
"The man is an independent scout, Captain. It's quite possible that he is also a Klingon spy," Barrett argued.
Jim nodded toward Selene, who proceeded to relay all of the information they had gathered on Mr. Jones. "We have already checked the background of Mr. Cyrano Jones. He is a liscenced asteroid locator and prospector. He's never broken the law. At least, not severely. And for the past seven years, with his one man spaceship, he has attained a marginal living by maintaining and selling rare merchandise, including, unfortunately, Tribbles."
"But he is after my grain!" Barrett shouted.
"Do you have any proof of that?" Spock inquired.
"You can't deny that he has disrupted this station," Arnold argued.
"People have disrupted stations before without being Klingon agents," Jim replied. "Sometimes, all they need is a title, Mr. Barrett. Unfortunately, disrupting a space station is not an offense. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a ship to attend to. Sayonara." Aboard the ship, there were even more Tribbles than there were before. They were even all over the mess hall. The three senior officers noted this as they replicated themselves a meal. Selene was not pleased to discover half a dozen Tribbles on her plate. "My chicken sandwich and earl grey tea," she murmured, saddened that her meal had been ruined.
"I want these things off the ship," Jim ordered. "I don't care if it takes every man, woman and child we've got, I want them off the ship."
Scotty walked into the mess hall, his arms full of troubles. "Aye, they're into the machinery alright," he admitted. "And they're probably in all of the other food replicators too."
"How?" Jim asked.
"Probably through one of the air vents."
"Captain, there are vents of that type on the space station," Spock announced.
"And in the storage compartments," Selene realized, horrified.
They made their way over to a nearby computer and commed the station. "This is Kirk. Contact Manager Lurry and Mr. Barrett. Have them meet us near the storage compartments. We're beaming down." He terminated the comm. "Come on, you two." There were even Tribbles all over the transporter pad. "Energize," Kirk sighed. Why did he even bother anymore? "What's wrong?" Mr. Lurry asked.
"Plenty, if what I think has happened happened," Kirk said, leading the way to the storage compartment. "Guard, is that door secure?" Kirk asked.
"Yes, sir," the guard confirmed. "Nothing could get in."
"Good. Open it," Jim ordered.
"It's not working, sir. It seems to be stuck," the guard confessed.
"Here, let me try," Jim offered. But, he couldn't get it to open either. So, he decided to open one of the overheads and was showered with Tribbles of all sizes.
Kirk popped his head out from underneath a mountain of Tribbles. He threw one to Spock.
"They seem to be gorged," Spock observed.
"Gorged?" Barrett howled in outrage. "On my grain? Kirk, I am going to hold you responsible. There must be thousands of them."
"Hundreds of thousands," Selene guessed.
"One million, seven hundred seventy-one thousand, five hundred sixty one," Spock corrected. "That's assuming one Tribble multiplying with an average litter of ten producing a new generation every twelve hours over a period of three days."
"And, that's assuming they got here three days ago," Selene added cheerfully.
"And allowing for the amount of grain consumed and the volume of the storage compartment," Spock concluded.
"Kirk, you should have known," Barrett accused. "You are responsible for turning the development of the project into a total disaster."
"Mr. Barrett-"
"And I am through being intimidated, Kirk! You have insulted me, you have ignored me, you have walked all over me, you have abused your authority and you have rejected my requests. And, this," Barrett said, pointing to the Tribbles. "This is the result!
"Now, Mr.-"
"I am going to hold you responsible for this! I-"
"Mr. Barrett, I'll hold you in irons if you don't shut up," Jim stated.
"Jim," Bones said happily, coming over to the assembled group. "I think I've got it! All we've got to do is quit feeding them. Quit feeding them, they stop breeding."
" Now he tells me," Jim sighed.
"Jim, this Tribble is dead," Selene announced sadly as she held it up for him to see.
"And so are these," Spock added, gesturing to numerous others.
Bones scanned the pile. "A lot of them are dead," he determined. "A lot of them are alive that won't be for long."
"The logical assumption is that there is something in the grain," Spock decided.
"Yes," Jim agreed. "Bones, I want the Tribbles, the grain, everything, analyzed. I want to know what killed these Tribbles."
"I haven't figured out what keeps them alive yet," Bones replied. "Alright, if I find out anything, I'll let you know," he acquiesced, taking his leave.
"That isn't going to do you any good, Kirk," Barrett insisted. "This project is ruined. And Starfleet is gonna hear about it. And, when they do, they will have a board of inquiry and they will roast you alive. And I am going to be there, Kirk, to enjoy every minute of it."
"Until that board of inquiry, he's still the captain," Selene retorted angrily. God, the twins were more mature than this guy.
"And, as captain, there are two things I want done," Kirk interjected. "First, find Cyrano Jones, and second, close that door," he demanded, gesturing to the open hatch which was still dumping Tribbles onto his head. "Really, Captain Kirk, I must protest this treatment," Jones said as two security officers rather forcefully escorted him into Lurry's office.
"Mr. Jones, what an armful," Jim observed, noting the amount of Tribbles Cyrano was holding.
"We have a few questions," Selene notified the man.
"Captain Kirk!" Jones said angrily.
The Klingon captain and his first officer barged into the room. "What do you want?" Jim asked.
"An official apology addressed to Klingon High Command," Kolaf replied. "I expect you to assume full responsibility for the persecution of Klingon nationals in this quadrant."
"An apology?" Kirk repeated.
"Yes. You've harassed my men and you've treated them like criminals. You've been most uncourteous, Captain Kirk. Now, if you wish to avoid a diplomatic incident-"
"No, Kirk. You can't!" Barrett insisted. "That will give them the wedge they need to claim Sherman's Planet."
"I believe that more than the word of an aggrieved Klingon commander will be necessary for that, Mr. Barrett," Spock assured him.
"Mr. Spock," the Klingon captain said, turning his attention to him. "As far as Sherman's Planet is concerned, Captain Kirk has already given it to us."
"Well, we'll see about that," Kirk replied. "But, before I take any official action, I'd like to know just what happened. Who put the Tribbles in the quadrotriticale? What was in the grain that killed them?"
"Captain Kirk," Kolaf replied. "Before you go on, may I make a request?"
"Yes."
"Can you get those things out of here?" he asked, gesturing to the Tribbles in Cyrano's arms. Kirk nodded, and two of the security officers removed them. They were heading out the door with them when Mr. Arnold came in. The Tribbles went crazy.
"Remarkable," Spock stated.
"Hold on a minute," Kirk ordered. "I thought you said Tribbles liked everybody?" he asked Jones.
"Well, they do. I can't understand it. The last time I saw one act like that was at the bar."
"What was in the bar?" Jim inquired.
"Klingons," he answered.
The three superior officers exchanged glances with each other. Jim wandered over to the security officers and took a Tribble from them. He held them toward the Klingons. They went berserk. "Why, you're right, Mr. Jones," Kirk allowed. "They don't like Klingons." Bones entered the room and joined the other officers. Kirk held the Tribbles toward Spock. "But, they do like Vulcans. Why, Spock, I didn't know you had it in you."
"Obviously, Tribbles are very perceptive creatures," Spock declared.
'Obviously," Selene repeated with a teasing edge.
"Mr. Barrett, they like you," Jim continued, roaming the office. "Well, there's no accounting for taste." He returned to Mr. Arnold and held the Tribbles out to him. "They don't like you. I wonder why. Bones?"
McCoy came forward with his medical scanner and scanned the man. "Heartbeat is all wrong. His body temperature is…Jim, this man is a Klingon."
"Klingon?" Barrett asked, unable to believe what he was hearing.
"I wonder what Starfleet Command will say about that," Selene said mockingly.
"What about the grain, Bones?" Jim inquired.
"Oh, yes. It was poisoned. It's been impregnated with a virus. The virus turns into an inert material in the bloodstream. The more an organism eats, the more material builds up. So, after two or three days, it would reach a point where it couldn't take in enough nourishment to survive."
"So, they starved to death in a storage compartment full of grain. They starved to death," Jim repeated.
"That is essentially it," Bones agreed.
"Mr. Arnold, do you want to talk?" Jim asked.
"I have nothing to say," he replied. Jim held the Tribbles toward him again. "Alright! I poisoned the grain. Take them away."
"So, the Tribbles had nothing to do with it?" Kirk inquired.
"No. I never saw one before in my life and I hope I never see one of those fuzzy miserable things again," Arnold declared.
"I'm certain that can be arranged, Arnold," Mr. Barrett announced, having Arnold arrested. "If you'll excuse me, Captain."
"Captain Kolaf, about that apology…"
"Yes?"
"You have six hours to get your ship out of Federation Territory." Kolaf nodded and left. "You know, I think I could learn to like Tribbles," Jim told his officers. "Well, Captain, I suppose I'm free to go now," Jones said jovialy, attempting to escape.
"No, you're not," Selene said, grabbing him by the wrist. He yanked himself free, only to be held by Spock. "There's something we want to show you," she said as they lead him into the bar, which was full of Tribbles. "Do you know what the penalty is for transporting an animal proven harmful to human life?"
"Commander, one little Tribble isn't harmful," he argued. Selene looked stern. "Captain, you wouldn't let them do a thing like that to me, would you?"
Jim was silent, but Spock spoke. "The penalty is twenty years in a rehabilitation colony."
"Captain Kirk, my friend," Jones said, his tone increasingly desperate. "Surely we can come to some form of mutual understanding. After all, my Tribbles did put you wise to the poison grain. And they did help you find the Klingon agent. We saved a lot of lives that way."
"There is one thing you could do," Jim said.
Jones leapt at the opportunity. "Yes?"
"Pick up every Tribble on the Space Station. If you do that, I'll speak to Mr. Lurry about returning your ship," Kirk decided.
"It would take years," Jones protested.
"17.9 to be exact," Spock clarified. This entire situation had been very disagreeable to him. Awena had been required to forfeit her pet, and as any parent can tell you: when your child is displeased, they will make sure you are displeased as well.
"17.9 years?"
"Consider it job security," Selene shrugged.
"Captain, you're a hard man." Selene and Spock moved to take him away. "Alright!"
"You'll do it?" Jim asked.
"I'll do it," he said reluctantly. "Captain, Starfleet was able to divert that freighter," Spock announced. The bridge of the Enterprise was clean and clear once more.
"Good," Jim replied. "That means Sherman's Planet will get it's quadrotriticale only a few weeks late. I don't see any Tribbles around here," he observed, checking his chair before sitting down.
"And you won't find a Tribble on this entire ship," McCoy informed him.
"Bones, how'd you do that?"
"Well, I cannot take credit for another man's work," Bones confessed. "Scotty did it."
"Scotty, where are the Tribbles?" Jim asked.
"Oh, Captain, it was really Mr. Spock's recommendation," Scotty demurred.
"Of course. Spock?"
"Based on computer analysis, of course, taking into account the possibilities of-"
"Gentlemen, I don't want to interrupt this meeting of the Mutual Admiration Society, but, I'd like to know where the Tribbles are," Jim said.
"Oh, just tell him, Spock," Selene urged. "It was a brilliant idea."
"Well, it was Mr. Scott who performed the actual engineering," Spock explained.
"Mr. Scott," Kirk said. "Where are the Tribbles?"
"I used the transporter," he admitted.
"The transporter?"
"Aye."
"Well, where did you transport them?" Scotty hesitated, giving Jim time to look at all of his bridge officers, none of whom wanted to look him in the eye, even Spock. "Scott, you didn't transport them into space, did you?"
"Captain Kirk, that'd be inhuman," Scott replied, shocked that Jim would even suggest such a thing.
"Then, where are they?"
"I gave them a very good home , sir," Scotty assured him.
"Where?" Jim asked, having lost his patience.
"I gave them to the Klingons, sir," Scotty informed him.
"You gave them to the Klingons?" Kirk asked with quiet disbelief.
"Aye, sir. Before they went into warp, I transported the whole kit and caboodle into their engine room. There'll be no tribble at all." 
Category:Fan Fiction