The Devil's Lettuce

An episode written by WarioWeedFan420.
== Script ==
(Wario and Waluigi are in their house, sitting at the table)
Wario: Wah! You know what time it is, brother?
Waluigi: Of course I do! 
Wario: it's time to SIN!
Waluigi: Smoking the devil's lettuce!
Wario: Let's get BLAZED, bro!
Waluigi: You got the stuff?
Wario: Wah, what? I thought you were bringing it.
Waluigi: No, you told me YOU were bringing it!
Wario: What the fuck? So you DON'T have the kush?
Waluigi: I THOUGHT YOU DID!
Wario: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE! NOW WE GOTTA BUY MORE!
Waluigi: Is our dealer even selling today?
Wario: Depends. What day is it?
Waluigi: Friday.
Wario: FUCK! He doesn't deal on Friday!
Waluigi: I WANT MY FUCKING WEED! WAHHHHH!
(Waluigi slams his hand on the table in anger)
Wario: Why can't they just legalize the stuff, bro? I'm so tired of this bullshit!
Waluigi: You're telling me, bro.
Wario: No need to panic. There are probably other dealers active today. 
(Cut to Wario and Waluigi walking behind a warp pipe, where a goomba in a brown trenchcoat and hat meets them)
Wario: (Whispering) Hey, man. You selling?
Goomba: You a cop?
Wario: No, sir. Just two brothers wanting some weed.
Goomba: Hmmm. (Stares closely at the two) Alright. (The Goomba glances around twice as he pulls a bag of weed out of his pocket) That'll be 50 coins.
Wario: (Pulls out a wallet and gives coins to the Goomba; the Goomba hands them the bag)
Goomba: Pleasure doing business, sirs.
(Wario and Waluigi excitedly walk away, and right after, Mario jumps on the Goomba, grabs his bags of weed, and jumps away; cut back to the bros sitting at the same table, this time with a bag of weed)
Wario: Wah, I'm so excited!
Waluigi: Me too, bro! Let's do this shit!
Wario: Go and get the bong!
Waluigi: The… bong?
Wario: Yes, the bong! Get the bong!
Waluigi: I don't have a bong.
Wario: (pause for a few seconds) You're fucking kidding me.
Waluigi: I THOUGHT YOU HAD ONE!
Wario: (Long angry sigh) Okay, no bong. Let's just roll a joint… or something.
Waluigi: We don't have joints either.
Wario: Do we at least have a pipe?!
Waluigi: No, I don't think.
Wario: (angrily rubs eyes) Okay, okay. Fine. Let's just use a warp pipe, then.
(Cut to the two of them going into a dark alley, where a single rusty warp pipe sits)
Waluigi: God, I don’t know about this. It looks like that thing is diseased as hell, dude.
Wario: Do you wanna get high or not?
Waluigi: Good point. Smoking weed takes priority over your own health.
Wario: Well, DUH! Now let’s go take a hit!
(The Bros slowly approach the pipe, until a Koopa with a knife jumps out from behind it)
Koopa: GET AWAY FROM MY FUCKIN’ PIPE, MAN!
Wario: Woah, WOAH! WE MEAN NO HARM! WE JUST WANNA SMOKE WEED!
Koopa: GET YOUR OWN DAMN PIPE. THIS ONE’S MINE, YOU FUCKING MOOCHERS!
Waluigi: But where the Hell are we gonna find another pipe?!
Koopa: I dunno, man! Just get away from mine, or I WILL cut you into a thousand FUCKIN’ PIECES!
Wario: Woah, woah, okay, just… calm down… but I have a question.
Koopa: Yeah? What?
Wario: You, uh, wouldn’t happen to have a spare pipe on you… would you?
Koopa: A few. Yes. Why?
Wario: We’d be willing to… buy it off you.
Koopa: 200 coins.
Wario: 200?!
Koopa: Do ya want a damn pipe or NOT?!
Wario: Yes, yes, we want a pipe! Just, lemme get my wallet…
(Wario suddenly throws a rock at the Koopa, knocking him out)
Waluigi: WHAT THE HELL?!
Wario: GRAB THE PIPE AND RUN! QUICK!
(The two hurriedly grab the pipe and run off while the Koopa’s still unconscious; cut back to their house)
Wario: Hell yes! Now we can smoke some of our good kush!
Waluigi: Finally! I’ve been waiting all fuckin’ day!
Wario: (Grabs a fire flower, transforms into Fire Wario) You ready, bro?
Waluigi: (Also grabs a fire flower) Ready!
Wario: Three… two… one…
(Out of nowhere, federal agents bust down the brothers’ house, and surround them with guns)
Agent: FREEZE! YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR POSSESSION OF MARIJUANA! YOU’RE COMING WITH US!
Wario: WHAT THE FUCK?!
(The agents begin pinning the brothers to the ground as they cuff him and carry them out; fade to the two of them in prison)
Wario: Dude. this fucking BLOWS.
Waluigi: I know, bro! We were THIS close to finally smoking our kush!
Wario: I can’t fucking believe this bullshit! Ugh!
Waluigi: (Sighs) Oh well. Maybe jail won’t be so bad.
Offscreen voice: HEY!
(Camera reveals that in the jail cell is the Koopa)
Koopa: YOU TWO STOLE MY FUCKIN’ PIPE! 
(Wario and Waluigi gulp)
Koopa: COME HERE, YOU TWO! I’M ABOUT TO GIVE YOU A WHOLLOPING YOU WON’T FORGET!
(Zoom out of the prison is shown as Wario and Waluigi scream in pain as we hear punching sounds; fade to black)