No Good Read Goes Unpunished/Quotes

:Bart: Hey, I'm doing something educational.
:Marge: Educational, my foot! I saw pixels.
:Bart: It's TunnelCraft. A simulated world, where you explore, mine resources, and work with friends to build replicas of real buildings.
:Marge: Can you die in that?
:Bart: Yes.
:Marge: It's a video game!
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:[The Simpsons are in a book store]
:Homer: [reading book title] Man-Killing Snakes of the Amazon.
:Library Owner: Sir! Never say "Amazon" in a book store!
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:[Homer wisely gives out books to the kids he sees fit]
:Homer: Okay, let's book up and bug out. Here you go, Bart, The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants. Maggie, In Cold Blood. Lisa, with no apologies, The Memoirs of Barry Goldwater.
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:Bart: What do you have for a kid, who wishes his father was dead?
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:Bart: I do not seek war, but neither do I turn away.
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:Marge: What a great family day.
:Homer: And there is only one perfect way to complete a great family day.
:[Cut to Moe's Tavern, where Homer is drinking beer, alone]
:Moe: So, how's the family?
:Homer: I think they went to dinner. Something nice.
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:Bart: Maybe wisdom isn't so stupid after all.
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:Lisa: Another childhood classic bites the dust.
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:Lenny: Wait, why do you want me to text you, when your father's getting in the car.
:Bart: That's none of your business, but let's just say, both of us will benefit.
:[Bart bribes Lenny with a box; Lenny opens it]
:Lenny: A trombone mute? But I don't have a trombone.
:Bart: Open the other box.
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:[Homer rear ends Chief Clancy Wiggum's police car; Clancy gets out]
:Clancy: Alright, Simpson. Blow into this.
:[Clancy gives Homer a breathalyzer; Homer blows into it; an long balloon comes out]
:Clancy: Now make it into a rabbit.
:[Homer makes a balloon animal with the long balloon]
:Clancy: Alright, Ralphie's birthday is today and you're the entertainment.
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:[Marge reads Lisa a censored-for-political-correctness version of The Princess in the Garden]
:Lisa: This new Clara sounds like she starts out pretty well.
:Marge: You betchya.
:Lisa: But since she's already evolved, she doesn't really have an emotional journey to complete.
:Marge: Nope.
:Lisa: Kind of means there's no point to the book.
:Marge: Well, what am I supposed to do?
:Lisa: It's hard to say. Something that started decades ago and was applauded and inoffensive is now politically incorrect. What can you do?
:[Screen pans to a framed picture of Apu, with the caption "Don't Have a Cow, Man."]
:Marge: Some things will be dealt with at a later date.
:Lisa: If at all.
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:Ned: Hey, Simpsons! We'll see you at church.
:Bart: Not today, you won't.
:Ned: Oh, well, we'll say a prayer for ya.
:Bart: Don't mention my name, weirdo.
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:Homer: Milhouse, by God, if you want a ride home, you tell me what Bart's up to.
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:Bart: Dad, please. Isn't there any way to get the old Homer back?
:Homer: Well, now, Bart-ily, why would you want that balding boob? [gasp] Oh, I said "boob"!
:Ned: Uh-oh. Time for me to do a turtle. [Ned pulls his head down in his turtleneck sweater] I'll come out when the B-bombs stop flying.
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:Bart: Please, I want my dad! Not this horrid creature from the depths of Heaven, you've become.
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:Homer: If you truly surrender, give me your Halloween candy.
:Bart: But it's March!
:Homer: Most of it's still good.
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:[The movie theater catches on fire]
:Jeremy: Excuse me! These films are original nitrate prints, which means that the theater has just caught up in a terrible fire! You have seconds to escape!
:[Homer, Bart, Ned, and Jeremy escape the building alive; Organ music is heard playing inside; Jeremy stops in his tracks]
:Jeremy: [realization] I never tell the organist.
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:Bart: Hmm, so that film is 100 years old?
:Mr. Burns: No, they shot it at my place, yesterday.
Category:Season 29 quotes
Category:Quotes