Elmo Kissed Barney!

This story is rated PG-13. Some people may be offended by the content in this story, but please don't delete it or rant about it.
If you like this story, you'd probably like the sequel, Elmo Kissed Barney 2!
==Chapter One: The Incident==
It was the meeting of the baby shows. The purple teletubby was in charge of the meeting. "Okay," he said. "We have a huge issue going on." Barney had surgical proceedures because he weighed 876 kg.
Elmo was sitting in the back of the members, with his fingers laced in his lap. He was attentively listening, growing curiouser and curiouser about the things the purple teletubby was saying. Then, he saw Barney walking across the room. "Sorry I'm late!" Barney said. "I had to go potty in the bathroom." The green teletubby laughed.
Elmo couldn't resist. He could feel the burning desire in him. So he did it: he went right up and kissed Barney. It felt so good. He liked the taste of his purple costume. "Elmo, you did WHAT?!" shrieked the purple teletubby. "Drop the subject we were on! We are chaning it!"
"To what?" asked Big Bird.
"To the fact that Elmo kissed Barney," responded the purple teletubby. "So, everyone, do not, under ANY circumstances, tell the producers of Sesmame Street or Barney & Friends about this.
"Got it!" yelled out Bob the Builder. "We will not let you down!"
"I hope not," the purple teletubby added. "...because Elmo is going to be guest-starring on an episode of Barney."
"Say WHAT?!" cried out Barney and Elmo simulataneously.
"Yes," the purple teletubby said. "Get ready for that day."
Elmo and Barney were feeling more nervous than they had ever felt in their lives.
==Chapter Two: Nalyd Renrut==
It was the day. Elmo would guest star on Barney & Friends. Barney was as nervous as ever. "Barney," said a voice. It was the producer. "We know how scared you are of seeing Elmo, so we replaced him with someone else.
"Ooh!" Barney squealed excitedly. "Who is he?"
A brunet wearing a gray hoodie walked in. "My name is Nalyd--Nalyd Renrut, that is. But please call me Elmo while on set."
"How old are you?" asked Barney.
"Fifteen," responded Nalyd.
"Why do we have fifteen year old brunet in a gray hoodie playing the role of ELMO?!"
"Hey--would you rather have me put Sunshine the Ravioli Pixie in the role of Elmo?"
Barney sighed and followed the script: "Children, we have a guest star here on the show today!"
"Who is it?" the children asked eagerly.
"Elmo!" Barney replied. Nalyd walked onto the set. Barney froze with fright and headed towards he bathroom. He locked himself in the big stall, and began to write in his pink-with-pictures-of-Hannah-Montana diary."Dear diary, I am scared of Nalyd. I mean, why the hell did they use a FIFTEEN YEAR OLD GUY as playing the role of a red furry monster who entertains babies?! But he will get my revenge. I know it. I even have the perfect plan. And I bet he is really embarrassed off on the set all alone!
Nalyd stood on the set, with the children and props and everything, and just stood with a blank expression. "Um, what do I do now?" Elmo arrived on set. But it was not the red Elmo. It was Elmo Renrut, son of Nalyd. "ELMO, WHAT THE CUSS ARE YOU DOING ON SET?!" Nalyd yelled.
==Chapter Three: Singers-to-Be==
It was another meeting of the baby shows. Elmo (the red one) leaned back in his chair, laughing. "Ha ha ha, Barney!" he snickered. "That must have been an awful day for you, wasn't it?"
"IT WAS TERRIBLE!" Barney grumbled. "And I hope it doesn't happen again..."
"Oh, Barney, it won't!" Elmo giggled, although secretly, he intended on torturing Barney again.
Suddenly, a chubby violet haired gothic girl, a cheerful redheaded pixie, and a brunet in a gray hoodie walked through the door smiling. "People, meet Ravioli, Sunshine, and Nalyd!" the purple teletubby beamed. Barney grabbed a small pencil and broke it in half, after seeing Nalyd again.
Sunshine giggled. "I know what can cheer you up!" she said in a happy tone. She, Ravioli, and Nalyd started singing "Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows" by Lesley Gore. Barney covered his ears in pain, but Elmo cheered and clapped.
"Moving on," said Ravioli. "We will be teaching you duys how to sing and songwrite. Hope it isn't trouble for y'all!"
It went quite well. Most of the baby show people chose to do covers of songs, but Elmo chose to songwrite. He knew it would be a little difficult. He knew he would have to be very creative. He knew it would take all of his heart to do it. Yet he decided to take the risk. Elmo sat on the toilet in the men's bathroom with the pink fluffy toilet seat cover. And he sat. And sat. And sat. And sat. And sat. And sat. And sat. And sat. And sat. And sat. And sat. And sat. The suddenly, he thought of something--instead of writing songs, he should write parodies. And then, it hit him--the idea of writing a parody of "I Kissed a Girl" by Katy Perry, called "I Kissed Barney".
But then, he remembered what the purple teletubby had said: "Do not tell the producers about the incident." Elmo persisted to write the song anyway. Then, he showed it to Sunshine, Nalyd, and Ravioli. "Wonderful!" Nalyd squealed. "I can't wait for you to sing it at the concert that will be shown LIVE on Noggin!" Elmo felt sick to his stomach after hearing that.
==Chapter Four: Shown LIVE?! ==
It was that day. Ravioli, Nalyd, Sunshine, and the baby show people drove to the place where they would be performing live. Barney's tummy was turning and he was feeling kind of homesick. There was too much pressure and he was nervous. And then, they went through the dark entrance.
"Wow!" the green teletubby. "It's like we're in Paris!" Then, he saw Chris McLean and Chef Hatchet walk around the corner. He gasped. "OMG hi Chris!" Chris was talking to Chef. "Chef, I think for the song Stuck to a Pole, Bridgette, Courtney, Gwen, and Heather should pole dance for the intro."
"Pole dance?!" answered Chef in disgust. "That's too slutty!"
Hannah Montana walked around the corner. "If you think that's slutty, you should see Dora!" she exclaimed loudly. Dora heard, and was very offended.
Anyway, the performance went well. Elmo sang his song "I Kissed Barney", Dora and Boots sang "Let's Get Movin Into Action" by Skye Sweetnam, Barney sang "California Gurls" by Katy Perry, and the teletubbies sang "Jai Ho" by the Pussicat Dolls.
At the end, Dora walked backstage, where she saw Nalyd performing autofellatio. "Wait, you didn't see that!"
"Oh yes I did!" Dora retorted, with her "sassy" voice. "Anyway, Hannah Montana called me something very mean that I don't want to repeat. What should I do?"
"I think you should fill her dressing room with parmesan cheese!" exclaimed Sunshine, who was eavesdropping. "Alright, I will." Dora said proudly.
Barney, Elmo, Dora, and the teletubbies snuck into Hannah Montana's dressing room. They grabbed parmesan cheese shakers, and randomly shaked them, causing parmesan cheese to fly all over the place. When Barney had gotten tired, he chose to sit down on Hannah's pink fluffy chair with wheels. He accidentally slumped down on it too hard, and the chair rolled backwards and busted through the wall.
"Barney, don't go!" Elmo yelled. He tried chasing after him, but it was hopeless. When Barney reached the bottom of a steep hill, he had fallen out of the chair and simply died.
==Chapter Five: The End of Barney==
Dora, Elmo, and the teletubbies barbecued Barney's dead head. They flushed his body down the toilet. Then, the Barney theme song was changed to:
Joy to the world the elmo taco. 
He shot the drunk barney
Barney's dead!
We barbecued his head!
Don't worry about the body,
We flushed it down the potty,
sausage for dogs booty is in barneys lungs
he has pancreotic cancer and his gender is unknown
he is drunk an disorderly
And round and round it goes,
Adn rou-ound and rou-ound it goe-oe-oes!
Three years later, the toilet overflowed and Barney came out. Elmo gasped. "That's Barney!" he screamed.
"Yeah," Dora retorted. "If Barney has a zipper up his back!" The green teletubby unzipped the purple costume, and found a dead Justin Bieber inside. Everyone cheered, for Justin Bieber was dead. Then, the teletubbies unzipped their costumes, and revealed that they were the Jonas Brothers. Elmo and Dora fainted.
The end!
Category:Elmo Kissed Barney