WM/Quotes/Trek 1

===Session 0===
;Dwarves don't love nature.
:Firefly: "Don't hurt them too bad, Beltarne! They're just bird brained!"
:Beltarne: Aye, they'll be brained alright!
===Session 1===
;Fear is the beginning of wisdom.
:Thasos: picks up the dead sheep and slings it over his shoulder. He looks around for the others.
:Dwarven Shepherd: "Thief! Thief! He killed my sheep!"
:Thasos: realizes he's made an error.
;Off to a great start
:Narrator: A least a dozen people start shouting in alarm and excitement about "the crazy minotaur who killed that sheep!"
:Beltarne: "A minotaur! What are the chances of two of them here!" races outside
:Wolfgang: we can hear the commotion from in the tavern?
:GM: You may be able to hear the commotion from Polisberg.
:Narrator: The delvers crash out of the tavern, drinks in hand, as Marik runs up from the south. Thasos is covered in sheep's blood, hoisting a dead sheep over his shoulders and then embarrassedly starting to put it down.
:Thasos: still has the sheep over his shoulder. He looks confused.
:Beltarne: "well it couldn't have been.... oh"
;Two people separated by the same language
:Dwarven Shepherd: "Vat?" He stops, considering. "Wouch fur this one you do?"
:Beltarne: I can't understand that and I'm dwarven.
;Gourmet advice
:Ghazeb: waves some meat to Firefly for her to eat
:Firefly: "Blerg. Um. I mean, thank you very much for your generous offer, but I'm on a strict nectartarian diet at the moment. To preserve my girlish figure, doncha know."
:Beltarne: "Really! My aunt tried that diet. Gained it all back though."
;Identifying skulls
:Firefly: "Hey, Marik? You know beasties and stuff. What's that bug one?"
:Marik: "A bug."
===Session 2===
;Background skills come into play
:Marik: "There's something interesting in the cliff face over here... someone's tried to hide a path."
:Wolfgang: "Hey, looks like a little path goes up that cliff there."
:Beltarne: "Friends.... there seems to be a series of switchbacks cut into the cliff face to the west". He looks at others, surprised.
:Marik: looks at Beltarne. "What? I grew up above the snowline. What's your excuse?"
:Beltarne: "I'm a dwarf?"
:Marik: "Good excuse."
:Firefly: smiles. "It's gigantic, I don't know how you could miss it."
;An odd perspective
:Firefly: "People shouldn't be cutting down poor innocent trees like that. That's rude."
:Ghazeb: "say student what study in big school what made from many trees, no?"
:Firefly: "No, student who studied in a badger warren under an oak tree. We don't take giants. We would, but they've got problems reaching the classes."
===Session 3===
;The delvers experiment with tactics
:Beltarne: "Fiefly, wanna check their position?"
:Firefly: "Sure. Where's their position? There's this whole problem of we don't have a clue where it is..."
:Beltarne: "I was hoping you could tell me by flying around as a remarkable pyromaniacal target"
:Firefly: "Ah. Bait."
:Beltarne: "Dangerous. heavily armed, fast moving bait, yes"
;The GM keeps secrets
:Firefly: Where's the table by the way? I couldn't find it.
:GM: Yes, it's on my personal wiki of evil.=)
:Kevin: I want a personal wiki of evil.
;Please pay attention to what the GM types
:Goblins: Goblin #7 steps back and hits Ghazeb from the flank!
:GM: He's on your off shield side, and you can't parry after a Move and Attack. Dodge with a -3 penalty or take the hit. No Retreats or Acrobatic Dodges, either.
:Ghazeb: sorry. block
:GM: You can't because your shield is on the wrong side.
:Ghazeb: ah. parry then
:GM: You can't parry after a Move and Attack.
:Ghazeb: dodge then?
:GM: That is what I said.
===Session 3===
;Life is hard. Get a helmet!
:Giant Eagle: Land on Marik and bite his face! Successful attack, to the FACE.
:GM: ... you have facial armor, right?
:Marik: I don't even have head armor.
;Remember! Tidiness is important, no matter how bad you feel
: Marik: Marik carefully recorks his potion, puts it away, then collapses.
===Session 5===
;Sherlock Holmes would be impressed by the incisive reasoning
:Narrator: Wolfgang, bringing up the rear, turns the corner just in time to see Firefly break the tension line. A riot of glass vials drops from a concealed compartment in the ceiling. Firefly bravely intercepts most of them. The rest drop onto his companions, and one fumes up in a cloud of yellow smoke.
:Wolfgang: knows this is not a good sign.
;How embarrassing
:Firefly: What immediately sprang to mind was "Where the heck did goblins get all the good alchemical stuff?"
:Firefly: Actually, what immediately sprang to mind was "OW MY SPLEEN" followed by "I'm being killed by the treasure! WOE!" 
===Session 6===
;Simple pleasures
:Goblin Minion (stunned by Sound Jet): Drool.
:Ghazeb: I like it when the goblin's turn consists of: "drool"
;Making plans
:GM: We'll handle searches and the introduction of Minnizig next session.
:Marik: We have prisoners. And Marik will *shoot* anyone who tries killing them. Because we need information.
:GM: and maybe we'll have an exciting fight at the start!
:Wolfgang: Damm, I'm gonna pick up some arrows then. Unless Marik says something first.
;Sometimes things are uncertain.
:Wolfgang: No, I kill them unless someone says not to
:GM: Marik is going to shoot you. Is that "saying no"?
===Session 7===
;I didn't even have to prompt him or anything!
:GM: Just as another thing to throw out here: in addition to axes, armor, shields, crossbows, bolts, bedrolls, 2 nice beds, and a well-made cabinet filled with glass vials, the goblins also had a pile of stinky meat and dubious looking tubers.
:Marik: "I think it's best we take care of the goblins first. Does anyone object to letting them go in the wilderness with their stinking provisions to fend for themselves?"
:Ghazeb: is eating stinky meat.
:Minnizig: Oh lord.
:GM: Where are those rules for chlorea?
;Technically, this is a literal cliffhanger.
:Narrator: As Minnizig and Beltarne start climbing down, Ghazeb shouts in surprise and tentacles whip out of the darkness.
:Narrator: End of session.
:Mark: ... Yep, that's a good place to stop.
:Hari: DS:LDSLFK:DK:LDS:LDFK:!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:Joel: FFFFFFUUUUU
:Kevin: Mm. Gibbering incoherence. I'd say you're doing it right, Mark.
===Session 8===
;Unholy abomination from the pits of hell or large ursine. Who can tell?
:Marik: Has Wolfgang assumed that I was giving him demon-killing advice?
:Beltarne: Apparently, which is hilarious
:Wolfgang: my 1337 lore skill told me it was a herzog demon, immune to metal!
:Beltarne: Did wolfgang just beat up a bear?
:Wolfgang: yes
:Thasos: that's a great lore skill you have there
;Marik is hardcore
:Marik: I will assume that 'rough caves that we are spending a week in' aren't 'indoors' for the purpose of Marik's vow, but really, given the choice between a bed and a nice comfortable rock to lean on, Marik will take the rock.
===Session 10===
;Cultural differences
:Beltarne: I really need to learn to use a crossbow.
:Beltarne: And a pack mule.
:Minnizig: You need to learn to use a pack mule?
:Beltarne: Don't ask. It's a very private, dwarven thing.
;Effective teamwork means not splitting the party 
:GM: Probing gingerly, you cross (and are near the ruined village). and now what?
:Marik: Give the village a wide berth for now and head for the peninsula.
:Beltarne: Amble towards the ruins
;Perhaps the PCs are getting paranoid
:GM: At one of the breaks, you spot a collection of rabbits, about 50 yards away. They quiver as they catch your scent. Anyone doing anything about it?
:Marik: ...Is it normal for rabbits to come in herds? And am I allowed to thin out the murder a little?
:GM: I think so - bunch of rabbits live in a warren, etc. Marik can hunt - great cycle of live et al.
:Minnizig: I'm willing to help with the obvious overpopulation problem. In the name of rabbit stew.
:Marik: So. Unless someone objects, getting us some lunch sounds like a plan.
:Thasos: holds up a hand, if anyone is watching, and shakes his head. **
:Marik: mutters. "You know, if you could simply TELL us why you object, it might be easier to agree with you." He lowers his bow, though. "You get to explain to me later why I'm missing out on a fresh brace of coneys." 
:Narrator: The rabbits decide that Ghazeb is a predator, if a slow and ineffective one, and split, zipping off into the woods and diving into their warren.
:Mark: NOT MY FAULT!
;Ghazeb is not a trained survivalist
:Ghazeb: "Come back, little munchies! Hop hop hop to Ghazeb's stew pot!"
:Marik: "Let me know when that gets you lunch, Ghazeb."
:Ghazeb: "It could work."
;Returning to our old traditions
:GM: You're walking through the forest. See the forest?
:Marik: I can't see the forest, there's a bunch of trees blocking LOS.
:Emily: pokes Kevin.
===Session 11===
;More gourmet discussion
:Marik: melts into the trees to find something to eat. (Foraging!) Never spend rations when you can eat bugs.
:Wolfgang: thinks Marik just likes grossing poeple out by eating bugs **
:Minnizig: "I KNOW Marik likes grossing people out by eating bugs. But I suspect he may just like eating bugs, too."
;Sensible decision making
:Minnizig: What ARE harpies known for in this game world?
:GM: Then you guys only know rumors, and nothing clear. Harpies are beautiful or maybe ugly bird women with claws or pretty voices. They eat everything, or maybe nothing. They can sing you into a sleep or maybe make your brain explode or perhaps they just claw through metal or they're just so pretty you want to do whatever they say.
:Ghazeb: "Ghazeb hopes they are the beautiful kind. If they are we should try to talk with them. We can just attack if they are ugly."
:Beltarne: "good to know you have principles"
;You just need to learn to parry the Earth
:The floating snakes have begun levitating the delvers
:Nathan: We're all gonna get killed by floating snakes
:Joel: nah. it's the ground that will kill us
:GM: While you're out, you see about 20-30 huge wasps in the distance, flying around the edge of the forest.
:Marik: That totally explains why I'm hunting on the Plains and not the Woodlands.
===Session 13===
;Some elements of Marik's wilderness lore are not generally applicable.
:Narrator: During the first rest break, Thasos stretches out on a convenient fallen log as Ghazeb grins. Beltarne and Minnizig who were headed for the same log sigh in disgust and drop their packs on the least muddy ground.
:Narrator: Thasos gloats momentarily, then his eyes shoot open and he begins slapping at his armor.
:GM: Stinging insects live in that log. They're biting Thasos.
:Marik: Does Marik know any good ways to deal with stinging bugs?
:GM: First Aid? His other plan is not sit on logs visibly infested with fire ants.
:Beltarne: I don't think Marik believes in sitting. I mean, he sleeps standing up
:GM: Well, it's a plan that works for him, then.
===Session 14===
;Tactical difficulties
:The GM is plotting out movement for a harpy, trying out various combinations.
:Marik: I'm sensing some indecision in Peinasmenia.
:GM: I have 3 hexes of movement, why can't I do something that doesn't involve eating a tree?
:Marik: Because I've got a very, very good position.
;The GM remembers your advantages even if you don't
:Marik: "Is any of this magical?"
:GM: No.
:Marik: Wait, I have Magery. And PER. Is any of this magical?
:GM: Still no.
:Minnizig: Ehehe.
:Beltarne: These steel boots are imbued with the power of the holy!
;The GM also remembers your disadvantages
:GM: So what are you grabbing? Everything is worth money in large enough amounts.
:Wolfgang: everything?
:GM: Everything includes harpy-guano covered sticks, which *might* be alchemical ingredients.
:GM: Isn't Minnizig Squeamish?
:Minnizig: ... Yes, yes I am. Excuse me while I stagger off and be horrified.
:Marik: "Minnizig. You understand alchemical stuff." Marik tosses one of the sticks her way. 
:Marik: ((I'm helping!))
:Marik: "Would this be worth anything?"
:Minnizig: "AAAAAIGH! Augh, oh god! Poo sticks! Poo sticks!"
;Wait, that doesn't make sense
:Marik: Tiny books are... In what language?
:Ghazeb: Hill giant.
;Wisdom on display
:Narrator: The delvers march back up, retracing their path and following the road through the woods. Around 5 pm, as they notice something strange on dirt path: a strange trail cuts across it. The trail consists of a long, thick line as though a log had been dragged, surrounded by a random pattern of heavy impacts, roughly 1' circular. The circles are roughly 4-6" deep. There are no footprints.
:Wolfgang: "What is THAT?"
:Beltarne: "some kinda.... spider-worm....thingee?
:Ghazeb: "Ghazeb thinks this could be dangerous, stay back."
:Thasos: starts waving his hands around, gesturing wildly. makes scary faces and claws with his hands.
:Beltarne: "Hm. So bad."
:Minnizig: "I'm guessing Thasos also thinks it's bad."
:Thasos: finally draws a bunch of lines on each side of the main one, crossing it.
:Minnizig: "Legs? Are those dots, what, eyes? Things it spits at us?"
:Thasos: points at his head.
:Minnizig: "Heads."
:Thasos: nods emphatically.
:Minnizig: "Its what, a hydra? A big ass hydra? With legs."
:Beltarne: "Like a hydra? A spider hydra. Great."
:Thasos: points at Beltarne and nods his head, over and over.
:Marik: "We're leaving now."
:Minnizig: is totally getting out of there before the giant slug spider hydra with a club comes for them.
;Mocking the players
:GM: My wife and I would like to thank you for that bit of entertainment.
:Nate: I hate you Mark
===Session 16===
;Lame theological jokes
:GM: Any other actions on the 9th day?
:Beltarne: ... I party?
:Beltarne: or no, that's off by a day
;Wise caution
:GM: There are two large bodies of trees - some about 1/4 mile away to the west, which you know look to have been farmed at one point - and a much larger forest to the southeast about 3/4 mile away.
:GM: Do you want to go in either of them?
:Marik: The latter had giant wasps. I remember that. I'll stay close.
;Unwise overconfidence
:GM: That's 1 hour. Going to forage some more?
:Marik: Forage attempts increase the likelihood of random encounters, but we're tough.
:GM: As you are heading back, you hear a faint humming noise. Turning, you spot a dozen giant wasps, headed your way.
;Pure pessimism
:Minnizig: Also, prevailing mana levels?
:GM: Twisted!
:Minnizig: ... writes down "No mana" 
:GM: Wuss.
;Unjustified arrogance
:GM: When Ghazeb stabilizes to "can move and think" he goes around claiming he knows how to milk Giant Wasp poison glands, 'cause he saw this little old wise man do it in Shigrad.
:GM: Apparently it involves spreading toxins all over your fur. It doesn't seem to actually yield a whole lot of toxins, though.
:Beltarne: "Ah well, I'm sure that won't make all your fur fall out or turn pink."
:Thasos: suppresses a laugh at the thought of a pink Ghazeb.
===Session 17===
;There's a possibility that the GM is a sadist.
:Narrator: The delvers bed done for the night, after fending off an attack by giant wasps that nearly killed two of them. The night is uneventful.
:GM: By which I mean: Ghazeb, roll Will+Magic Resistance.
;The GM smiles. The PCs flinch.
:GM: Ghazeb sleeps peacefully through the night.
:GM: There are no unpleasant aftereffects from the poison. At all. Nothing to worry about whatsoever.
:GM: The morning of the 10th day dawns. The sky is overcast, with a heavy layer of white clouds sitting still in the non-existent wind.
:GM: 4 large eagles sit in trees around your camp, watching you with stoney eyes as green muck sheds off their feathers.
:GM: Ghazeb is pink and hairless.
;A question of focus
:GM: So, in summary: Ghazeb is balding, Thasos is laughing in between looking vaguely shifty.
:Minnizig: And there are Eagles.
:GM: And there are eagles if you want to deal with that whole "external threat" thing.
:Wolfgang: is more worried about eagles than hijinx
;The rules of the delvers
:Beltarne: Onward to victory!
:Minnizig: Zombies!
:Beltarne: And pie
:Minnizig: Pie comes after victory.
:Wolfgang: pie comes when we get back
:Minnizig: That's after victory. We return, victorious. And then there is pie. It's, like, a rule.
;The GM has a simple focus
:GM: If the guy making the roll succeeds, you sneak through the village. If not... you get eaten by zombies.
:Thasos: wait, what happened to turning undead like before?
:GM: Well, that's also an option. But I like my version better.
;Rules lawyers and punsters
:Minnizig: Do I get to Luck that (failed roll). It impacts me. With, like, blunt objects.
;The GM likes ambiguous answers
:Narrator: As Thasos spins, slime covers him. His armor starts to smoke.
:Thasos: smoke as in it protected me, or smoke as in oh shit?
:GM: You don't take any damage immediately.
;It's a team effort!
:Thasos throws a vial of alchemical vial on a slime and catches Marik in the fiery burst.
:Minnizig: Damage is done... to both the slime and Marik.
:Marik: "Watch it!"
:Thasos: shrugs helplessly. He had no idea what was in the vial.
:Marik: moves around to get some distance, batting at his cloak. "Honestly? Lighting me on fire is not going to get us home faster."
===Session 19===
;It's like a fiery deranged Christmas but with more screaming
:GM: Beltarne also finds a strange contraption of brass and leather, some kind of bellows with pipes and valves coming out of it.
:Minnizig: "What the heck is that, Beltarne? Some sort of crazy bagpipes?"
:Thasos: cringes from the thing Beltarne has found.
:Beltarne: "Erm... not that I've seen before. I assumed it was of Gnomish make.... what with the brass..."
:Minnizig: "Wait. Can't be bagpipes, the 'chanter' doesn't have enough holes in it."
:Beltarne: pokes it gingerly with his foot 
:Minnizig: "What kind of mind needs a chanter with no holes in it?"
:Wolfgang: "I seen one of them, you can make it shoot fire."
:Minnizig: "I mean, Bagpipes are tricky enough as they are, only having one dang note to play would be mon-" Minnizig pauses. 
:Wolfgang: "Just don't get hit while holding it."
:Minnizig: "What kind of mind needs bagpipes that shoot fire?"
:Beltarne: "The kind who builds his lab way the hell out here with the goblins, sick birds, harpies, and megalomaniacal druid?"
:Wolfgang: "Fwoosh!!! Then lots of screaming."
:Thasos: has a look of wonderment on his face now. 
:Beltarne: "Shoot fire?" He eyes pile of leather and brass speculatively. "Reaaallly...."
:Wolfgang: "Yah, like a mage or something"
:Minnizig: "I tell you what they won't do, they won't make us popular with the crazy druid."
:Thasos: looks at the flamethrower and strokes his chin thoughtfully. He grins and nods. 
:Beltarne: starts grinning at Minnizig's statement. "Aye, that'd be a crying shame, there."
;Marik cares for his allies
:GM (whispering to Marik): The dwarf is about to relieve himself in a cluster of poison sumac. Do you care?
:Marik: "Beltarne. Unless you want to spend the next two weeks scratching yourself furiously, I suggest you not try to relieve yourself in the poison sumac."
:Beltarne: "What? Oh... shit."
:Marik: "That's your business, I didn't need the details."
;There was a lack of focus
:Beltarne: So are we through Storm Pass? That seemed... quick.
:Minnizig: we totally got teleported. 
:Marik: Something something NOT HORRENDOUSLY SIDETRACKED SEVERAL TIMES something.
:Minnizig: I think teleporting us would be the only way to do that :D 
;It's a bit late for that
:Narrator: About 45 minutes later, you reach a familiar marker. In Trade Tongue and Polisberger, it reads "Monsters: Come no further! The Polisberg Militia will destroy you!" A variety of decayed and decaying critter skulls are heaped around the marker.
:Beltarne: "Marik, what kind of skulls you think those are?"
:Marik: "Critter skulls. Like the Narrator said."
:Beltarne: "Ah" Nods sagely 
:Thasos: hey, keep that 4th wall in one piece.
;Marik really cares for his allies
:GM: Wolfgang whines and complains as you push on after his usual stopping time, but you're in sight of Druid's Grove by then and can sometimes catch the walls of Polisberg when as you crest hills.
:Beltarne: internal monologue, "Beer, beer, beer, beer..."
:Marik: stops at the Druid's Grove, divests himself of loot and passes it to Beltarne, and wanders off to say hello to the local druids and offer them a report of his activities. If you people can't find Polisberg from there, it's been nice knowing you.
;Maybe asking the ugly mute foreigner to do investigative work was unwise
:GM: Thasos is asking about the book, right?
:Translator in a market stall: "Listen, Points, this book is ruined. It's crap, it's trash, it's no good. So it's fitting that you have it. Even if it weren't ruined, though, whoever had it last didn't know how to spell, so I guess it's yours and you can't read your own writing. Now get out my stall 'cause I don't like how you smell!"
:Translator in a market stall: "Oh, and that'll be 30 copper for the consult. Thank you."
:Wolfgang: dies laughing IRL