Quiet One

The Quiet One was a nightmare-feasting Mesopotamian Chaedra, renowned around the Meditarrenean for its terrible (and later, selfless) deeds. 
== Actions ==
The first reports of the Quiet One originated from the early Mesopotamian people, who reported a 'ghost with gems for eyes' on the outskirts of their rice paddies. According to Joan Brassel Ph.D of Ridgeshire College, "The Quiet One was perhaps one of the earliest examples of an 'Urban Legend' gone wild. The children of Mesopotamia were feareful of the Quiet One; and rightfully so." Ancient Cuneiform tablets tell of routine harvests, stonings, and trade receipts. However, one particular tablet, dubbed the 'Accursed Tab", featured sprawling, self-contradictory writings concerning the Quiet One; as well gruesomely listing as the horrific state in which it rendered many of its victims. 
=== Accursed Tab Section 1 ===
In Accursed Tab, section 1, the Mesopotamian Philosopher Mat Ra writes; "The first Victim was Elder Fie; who was found without hand and without organ in the mud outside our paddy. She was still alive." later on, Mat Ra's handwriting becomes jagged; abnormal, even, and he continues, "Elder Fie was uninjured. None were harmed. I am going, now." The passage abruptly ends after this. 
=== Accursed Tab Section 2 ===
The second passage was infinitely more disturbing than the last; with lists of miscellaneous body parts found scattered around the villages. At times, extremities were located anomalously beneath pillows, beds, or in wells. Mat Ra details a horrendium in which the Carrot Yield for one year, when piled together, was discovered to have been rife with human fingers and toes. Mat also details how the Village Cleric's donkey mysteriously gave 'birth' to a severed human head. 
== Work Experience ==
The Quiet One was an objectively terrible individual. It perched itself on the roofs of straw and mud huts at night, licking its cracked and charred lips as it 'listened' to the dreams of the humans below. It waited until the people were in REM sleep- when they were most vulnerable, and then, in a wretched, horrid move, dropped its long, goo-like phallus down from beneath its legs. The phallus crept, like a snake, down the roofs and into the windows or doorways, wrapping around posts and table legs to stabilize itself. The phallus would creep up onto the beds and ejaculate Death Cum over the faces of its victims; thus rendering them suffocated and immobile. After the victim was demobilized, the rotten Quiet One would drop into the house after its phallus, picking the extremity up and swinging it around like a lasso. It wrapped the phallus around the neck of the victim and dragged them outside, all without making a peep. The bodies were usually found, dismembered and scattered the next day. 
== Unemployment ==
The Quiet One was forced to find new work following the advent of modern technologies such as Doors and Windows. This was not grand for the Quiet One, who very much enjoyed feasting upon its human victims. Alas, it was forced to move out of the region, but not without exacting a terrible toll on Mesopotamia. The Quiet One, one fateful evening, bent down to the lush, fertile grasses, and suctioned its phallus to the field. The humans, now travelling with muskets and cannons, would surely execute it on sight; so it needed to act fast. The Quiet One began the Forbidden Process of Reverse Ejaculation, with fervor that made even Malike Tragedia and Odge shudder. All in one monstrous, vile, inconcievable jolt, the Quiet One suctioned the moisture and minerals out of the ground of the whole region, drying up inumerable crop fields and paddies. It's testicles dragged enormously after it, and the Quiet One lept into the Mediterranean Sea, 
== Testicular Travels ==
The Quiet One's testicles, its 'jewels', if you will (and I don't care if you won't) were incredible buoyant; each spanning a diameter of over half a mile. These monstrous balls, holding the lifeblood of Mesopotamia within them, floated through the sea, the Quiet One riding atop them. It felt incredibly healthy and powerful, despite its obvious bodily afflictions, and aimed to begin anew feasting on human nightmares when it struck land again. 
== Deflation Tactic ==
Unfortunately for the Quiet One, it would be some time before it hit landfall. It floated through the salty sea for 40 days and 40 nights, before finally, it felt a great scratching upon its left Nut and realized, with excellent satisfaction, it had struck land. This was a cause of such celebration for the Quiet One, such need to release its joy, that it immediately ejaculated. The lush, vibrant minerals and life of Mesopotamia were exploded onto the island of Sicily, transforming arid mountains and ravines into verdant creeks and valleys. Orchards of Rice grew powerfully; and rightfully so, for the ejaculation of the Quiet One was one continuus orgasm lasting the better part of 2 years. 
After the Ejaculation, the Quiet One was rather tired, and finally, its balls having been reduced in size back to 'normal', stepped foot onto the island. it was pleasantly surprised to see the beautiful forests sprawling out in front of it; and felt a great deal of pride about this fact. To top off all of this excitement, indeed, the Quiet One caught a familiar, comforting whiff; that untamable odor of Humanity. 
== The Most Dangerous Game ==
And so the Quiet One ventured into the lush hills of Sicily; and stumbled upon, soon enough, a gathering of Greek Soldiers. It spotted several ships docked at a coastal bay, and heard them cajoling one another concerning their foods. "We shall never leave this place, Odysseus!" One soldier jeered, "For all the food and drink a man could ever need is right here beneath our feet." 
"Aye," replied the leader, Odysseus, "If only there were women here, we should never leave." The Quiet One licked its wretched lips and crept toward the men, its claws out, its phallus dangling. However, something did not feel right about the Quiet One's Phallus. It looked down and found it still short and flaccid. The Quiet One was unable, or unwilling, to 'get it up'. It was suffering from Erectile Dysfunction, which, according to the American Journal of Medicine, "affects over 18 million men in the US or 18.4% of the male population aged 20 years or older. The crude prevalence of erectile dysfunction was over 50% among men with diabetes." 
== Unfortunate ==
The Quiet One was rather displeased, and began sobbing, uncontrollably. The Greek soldiers noted this noise, and Odysseus, King of Ithaca approached. 
"What troubles ye, foul beast?" Odysseus asked, drawing his sword and holding it at the Quiet One's throat. The Quiet One, forever Quiet, buried its head in its hands. 
"Hark!" Odysseus demanded, '"Speak!"
The Quiet One, sensing its peril, shook its head, furiously. Odysseus, a cunning man and an intelligent warrior, grumbled. 
"He speaks not." Odysseus called to his men, "Let us feed him and clothe him for a night. Let us nurse him back to good health; and fix whatever ails him."Quiet Quiet Quiet Quiet Quiet Quiet Quiet Quiet Quiet Quiet
== Fortunate ==
It remains entirely unclear to us whether Odysseus at this juncture had realized the Quiet One was not a human. Some scholars speculate Odysseus immediately took note of the Quiet One's flaccidity (this hypothesis is directly supported by what happens soon after).
The Greek soldiers of Ithaca immediately set to work preparing an orgy for the Quiet One aboard their ship. They fed the Quiet one aphrodesiacs and massaged its defunct phallus. This, while pleasurable to the Quiet One, was not successful in its arousal, likely because nobody was dying. The Quiet One's tune shifted, however, when a massive fist smashed suddenly through the hull of the vessel, and a single great, looming eye stared down at the scene. 
== Warden of Sicily ==
This was Polyphemus; bastard son of Poseidon, a Cyclops, and, much like the Quiet One, it was a man-eater. According to Susan R. Hoggsbury, "The voracious human-eating of Polyphemus was exemplified by the fact that he ate humans." How insightful. Alas, Polyphemus began feasting on Odysseus' men, with great fervor, too, in a way that made the Quiet One rather jealous. However, the Quiet One also felt rather aroused. It watched the human soldiers defending one another, nursing one another, fighting against the great beast attacking them. It was then that something bizarre occurred to the Quiet One; it understood Empathy. It understood humanity. And it understood that Odysseus had done something selfless, for no reason, just out of the goodness of his heart. The Quiet One turned on Polyphemus and extended his monstrous, crackling penis, it weaving and slicing through the air like a venemous python, writhing toward the single eye of the great beast until finally- contact. 
== The Unknowable Power of Cum ==
It came quickly, and fast, blinding Polyphemus immediately, its wretched acidic ejaculate eating away at the cylcop's one good eye. 
"What are you?" Polyphemus cried, "Who are you to do this to me?"
Odysseus, patting the Quiet One on the back, shouted in response, "Nobody!"
"Nobody?" replied Polyphemus, confused, as the Quiet One drained his life force through his eye socket. 
"Yes, we are nobody." Odysseus replied. 
"Help me, brothers!" Polyphemus called, suddenly, into the void, "Nobody has taken my eye!"
Several gods desended from the heavens in response. 
"Okay, well, good for you, fuckface," Ed Wool boomed over the mountains of Sicily. He turned to Odysseus and The Quiet One and bowed. "Thank you for exterminating that braindead stupid fuck. Were it not for my current divine contract, I would have been gone away with him long ago. Please, take this gift as a thank you."
Ed Wool bestowed upon the Greeks the Tome of Fire (Level 17, Enchantment Power 4), and instructed them to only use it in the most dire of circumstrances. 
"A time shall come for you soon in which you shall need this fire; but for now, hold it closely to your bosom." 
The next god, Poseidon, turned his attention to Polyphemus.
"Why did you attack these innocent people, Polyphemus?" Asked Poseidon, his voice one with the waves, "I gave you fruits, and vegetables, and lambs to eat." 
The Quiet One was unable to speak up and correct Poseidon, on that it had in fact been it which blessed these lands with such fertilities, not the Water God. 
"Because Father..." croaked Polyphemus, "I got that Dog in me..."
And surely enough, from the bowels of Polyphemus now exploded a three-headed beast; a multicepheral Golden Retriever by the name of Cerberus. 
"Oh, happy day!" Exclaimed Cerberus, nuzzling against the Greeks, "You have saved me from that terrible prison." Cerberus bequeathed upon these hallowed men a great, golden potion of Maga, sourced from the deepest, most ancient Pangean Health Wells. "With this potion, ye shall recover from any ailment," Cerberus announced. 
With these gifts, Cerberus, Poseidon, and Ed Wool departed, leaving the Quiet One alone with Odysseus and his men. 
"Well, it would appear we are stranded here, now." Odysseus glumly exclaimed, sitting down on a log, "Our boat has been ruined; at least we have great fruit spoils with which to swallow." 
== Nudge... ==
Some distance away, however, someone else had other plans. A nicely dressed celestial Employee in a business suit held a smooth, red-and-black activation switch in his hand. He gently pressed his finger against it. "One Small Nudge, my Dearies," G-Man (Timefracture Alpha) declared, pointing his cell phone at the erupting volcano. The whole island rumbled with horrific fervor, and shook, before Mt. Etna erupted furiously, sending plumes of fire and lava over the lush fields and forests formed by the Quiet One's jizz. 
Some distance away, Odysseus spotted this horrible storm, and loaded his men furiously onto the boat. "We must leave, immediately!" Declared Odysseus, "Mt. Etna's fury has wickedly cursed us all!" But their ship didn't hold water. It leaked, badly, and as they attempted to set off into the sea, a flaming glob of lava struck the hall, igniting it in an unstoppable flame. 
The Quiet One, seeing this terrible strife facing Odysseus and his men, felt a twinge of Empathy; again, that wretched thing, Empathy. He uncoiled his penis; feeling his phallus straining with terrible pain as he did so. Then, he directed his shaft against the ground of Sicily; suctioning it to the Earth, just as he had done in Mesopotamia, all those years before. The Quiet One strained, and grunted, thinking of unknowable human tragedy as he aroused himself. And, for the second time in Omniversal History, performed Reverse Ejaculation. 
This wrought a terrible, terrible toll on the testicles of the Quiet One. Magma and ash filled his balls, as he sucked the very melting stone from beneath the island into his hyper-expansive genitalia. They heated up, terribly warmly, but the Quiet One ushered the Greeks aboard, providing them shelter and warmth in the night air. The quiet One uncame so quickly, and so vicariously, that within minutes all of the fire, the life, the ash, the orchards, everything which he had blessed the island with, returned to his bosom. Alas, with massive, vast testicles, so huge and swollen that they could be seen from space, the Quiet One floated off into the sea, with Odysseus and his men behind him. 
== Scylla and Charbydis ==
The Quiet One floated away from Sicily, headed northward. He felt his health and strength ailing as the magma cooled inside of his testes, slowly sinking into the ocean, pulling him down with them. The testicles were so wide and so vast that plants and forests began growing upon them. Odysseus' forces floated past the terrible maws of Scylla, who inhabited the cliffs near off of the coast of Sicily, and into the middle of the Tyrrhenian Sea, where five small islands currently sat. In the middle of them, however, was the vast, undersea gaping mouth, that terrible, ever-hungry monster, Charbydis, toward which The Quiet One and his land-livers inevitable floated. The entered the whirlpool of Charbydis, known to Odysseus and his men then as the 'καθοδική πορεία' (Downward Spiral). The men readied their weapons, as terrible rains ripped across their island. 
The Quiet One had never been one for humanity. Never been one for survival or sacrifice. However, now, as his testes bulged and soldified, sinking like bricks, with increasing solidity, and as his penis ran flaccid and coiled ever-smaller into nothingness, The Quiet One knew what had to be done. It drifted directly into the maw of Charbydis. The Quiet One's two great testes clogged its terrible maw, and the Quiet One was suspended, inches out of the monster's grasp, over that terrible, ever-hungry pit. The balls settled, cooling in the ocean's scent, and slowly choking Charbydis to death. The terrible storm subsided, Odysseus and his men were safe, and a new hero had been born, to be remembered for the ages: the Quiet One. 
== Ensuing Events ==
The islands formed by the testes of the Quiet One were aptly named 'Lipari' and 'Vulcano', and were located just north of Sicily. It was here where Odysseus and his men rested before returning to Ithaca, building great farms and agriculture in the fertile soils deposited through the ejaculate of the Quiet One. The Quiet One was suspended beneath these islands, deep underwater, hanging limply in the rotting pit that had once been Charbydis, hanging in limbo indefinitely, in excrutiating pain, and torture, thought dead by those he rescued, and eventually all of the world; but the Quiet One, no matter how much excrutiating anguish he felt from his genitalia, couldn't wipe a smile of joy off of his cracked face. 
Category:Characters
Category:Cryptoids