Tick-Tock Cock

"Tick-Tock Cock" is an episode of Testicular Torsion.
==Transcript==
[Scene: Squidward's House - Morning]
Narrator: Ah, another day in Bikini Bottom. Squidward Tentacles is about to discover that life can get even weirder under the sea.
[Squidward wakes up and stretches, oblivious to the bizarre twist fate has prepared for him.]
Squidward: [yawning] Just another ordinary day... I hope.
[As Squidward gets out of bed, he suddenly notices something unusual happening to his private parts. His eyes widen in disbelief.]
Squidward: What the...? Is that... my cock?
[Squidward's cock begins to transform into a clock, complete with hour and minute hands.]
Squidward: Oh, no! Why me?
[The clock hands start ticking, and Squidward realizes that every hour brings an unexpected surprise.]
Squidward: Tick-tock, tick-tock... This is ridiculous!
[The clock-cock strikes its first hour, and Squidward splooges uncontrollably, caught off guard by the sudden release.]
Squidward: Oh, Neptune's beard! I can't believe this is happening!
[Throughout the day, Squidward struggles to maintain his composure as his clock-cock goes off every hour, causing him to splooge in awkward situations.]
[Scene: Krusty Krab - Lunchtime]
[Squidward is taking orders at the register when his cock suddenly chimes, causing him to splooge onto a customer's order.]
Customer: What the barnacles?!
[Squidward's face turns beet red as he tries to apologize.]
Squidward: I'm so sorry! It's... uh... a clock malfunction!
[The customer storms out in disgust, leaving Squidward feeling utterly embarrassed and frustrated.]
Squidward: What the actual fuck? My cock is not only acting like a clock, but it's also splooging every goddamn hour! This is beyond messed up!
[Just then, Mr. Krabs appears, noticing the commotion.]
Mr. Krabs: Squidward, what in Neptune's name is going on here?
[Squidward, still flustered, attempts to explain.]
Squidward: Mr. Krabs, it's... it's this absurd medical condition! My cock has transformed into a clock, and it's... uh... ejaculating every hour!
[Mr. Krabs, taken aback by the revelation, tries to maintain his composure.]
Mr. Krabs: Sweet mother of money! This is a family restaurant, Squidward! We can't have you splooging on customers' orders!
Squidward: I know, Mr. Krabs, and I'm sorry! I never asked for this ridiculous curse!
[Mr. Krabs sighs heavily, contemplating the situation.]
Mr. Krabs: Squidward, I think it's best if you take some time off to get this... issue sorted out. We can't have you causing any more... incidents.
[Squidward's heart sinks as he realizes the severity of the situation.]
Squidward: But Mr. Krabs, I need this job! How will I pay my bills?
[Mr. Krabs puts a reassuring hand on Squidward's shoulder.]
Mr. Krabs: Don't worry, lad. We'll figure something out. Your health comes first. Now, go get yourself some medical help, and we'll sort out the rest.
[Squidward reluctantly nods, realizing that his fate is intertwined with his unusual predicament.]
Squidward: Thanks, Mr. Krabs. I'll do my best to fix this... absurdity.
[With a heavy heart, Squidward leaves the Krusty Krab, uncertain of what lies ahead.]
[Scene: Squidward walking home, mumbling to himself about his predicament.]
Squidward: What the fuck is happening to me? I can't believe my cock is now a ticking time bomb of splooge. This is a goddamn nightmare!
[Suddenly, SpongeBob pops up out of nowhere, his usual chipper self.]
SpongeBob: Good afternoon, Squidward! Having another wacky day in Bikini Bottom?
[Squidward, already on edge, glares at SpongeBob.]
Squidward: SpongeBob, you have no clue what I'm going through! My cock is like a ticking time bomb of splooge!
SpongeBob: [innocently] Wow, Squidward! That sounds like an adventure! Can I join in?
[Patrick appears, joining the conversation, oblivious to Squidward's distress.]
Patrick: Did someone say splooge? That's a funny word!
[Squidward's frustration reaches its peak as he screams at Patrick.]
Squidward: Patrick, stay the fuck out of this! This is not a joke!
[SpongeBob, seemingly unfazed by Squidward's outburst, starts giggling.]
SpongeBob: Squidward, I can't help it. It's just so... absurd! A splooging clock-cock? Comedy gold!
[Patrick joins in on the laughter, unaware of Squidward's growing anger.]
Patrick: Yeah, Squidward! We could make a whole stand-up routine about it! The splooge o'clock show!
[Squidward's face turns bright red with rage as he yells at both SpongeBob and Patrick.]
Squidward: This is not a fucking comedy routine! It's a nightmare! Can't you two idiots take anything seriously?!
[SpongeBob and Patrick's laughter subsides as they realize the gravity of Squidward's distress.]
SpongeBob: Sorry, Squidward. We didn't mean to upset you. We just... cope with humor sometimes.
[Patrick nods in agreement.]
Patrick: Yeah, Squidward. We're here for you, even if we don't always show it in the right way.
[Squidward, feeling a bit calmer, takes a deep breath and tries to compose himself.]
Squidward: Fine, just... try to be a little more understanding. This is a nightmare I can't wake up from.
[SpongeBob and Patrick exchange a glance before nodding in agreement.]
SpongeBob: We'll try, Squidward. We're your friends, after all. We'll be here to support you, even if we stumble along the way.
[Scene: Doctor's waiting room - SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward are sitting together, waiting for their turn.]
[Squidward appears nervous, fidgeting in his seat. SpongeBob notices and tries to reassure him.]
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Squidward! This doctor is really good. He's the one who cut off Mr. Krabs' penis!
[Squidward's eyes widen, and he lets out a horrified scream.]
Squidward: What the fuck?! Are you serious?!
[SpongeBob nods, oblivious to Squidward's shock.]
SpongeBob: Yep! It happened after Mr. Krabs got the crabs. But don't worry, he's still making Krabby Patties like a pro!
[Squidward is at a loss for words, his mind racing with images he'd rather not imagine.]
Squidward: SpongeBob, that's... That's disturbing on so many levels. I don't even know how to respond to that.
[Patrick, oblivious as ever, chimes in with a chuckle.]
Patrick: Haha, yeah! Mr. Krabs got the crabs and lost his... uh... Krabby Patty secret ingredient!
[Squidward glares at Patrick, his patience wearing thin.]
Squidward: Can you two please stop talking about genital mutilation and focus on getting me the medical help I need?
[SpongeBob and Patrick exchange sheepish looks, realizing their insensitive remarks.]
SpongeBob: Sorry, Squidward. We didn't mean to make light of the situation. We just thought... never mind. We'll be more mindful.
[Patrick nods in agreement, finally grasping the seriousness of the situation.]
Patrick: Yeah, Squidward. We're here to support you, not make things worse. Let's just focus on getting you the help you need.
[Squidward, still shaken but appreciative of their intentions, takes a deep breath.]
Squidward: Thank you, SpongeBob and Patrick. I just hope this doctor knows what he's doing.
[As they continue to wait, the trio sits in silence, contemplating the upcoming appointment and hoping for a solution to Squidward's unusual predicament.]
[Scene: Doctor's office - Squidward, SpongeBob, Patrick, and the doctor are present.]
[The doctor calls out Squidward's name, and the trio enters the office together.]
Doctor: Squidward Tentacles, please come in. Take a seat, and let's get to the bottom of this... unique situation.
[Squidward, feeling a mix of embarrassment and desperation, explains his condition.]
Squidward: Doctor, my cock has turned into a clock. Every hour, it splooges uncontrollably. It's causing me great distress.
[The doctor nods, maintaining a professional demeanor.]
Doctor: I see. Please, Squidward, remove your clothes so I can conduct a thorough examination.
[Squidward reluctantly undresses, feeling exposed and vulnerable.]
[The doctor closely examines Squidward's clock-cock, even playing with the hands, causing it to splooge all over his office.]
Doctor: Fascinating. I've never seen anything quite like this before.
[Squidward's eyes widen with anticipation, hoping for a solution.]
Squidward: So, Doctor, what is causing this? Can it be fixed?
[The doctor takes a deep breath and launches into a long medical tangent, explaining a hypothetical condition.]
Doctor: Well, Squidward, based on my extensive knowledge and experience, I would say this is a case of Chrono-Ejaculatory Disorder. It's an extremely rare condition that affects the temporal-genital connection. The clock mechanism somehow became intertwined with your reproductive system, resulting in this peculiar phenomenon.
[Squidward's hopes rise as he listens to the doctor's explanation.]
Squidward: Is there a treatment? Can you help me?
[The doctor pauses, a mischievous smile forming on his face.]
Doctor: But what is really interesting about all of this, is that I made it all up.
[Squidward's face falls, his hopes shattered.]
Squidward: What?! You made it up? Are you kidding me?
[In the background, Patrick can be seen playing with various items in the doctor's office, despite SpongeBob's repeated warnings.]
SpongeBob: Patrick, please stop playing with those things. We're in a doctor's office, not a playground.
[The doctor, losing his patience, finally snaps.]
Doctor: Patrick, if you don't stop touching things, I swear I'll remove one of your organs right here and now!
[Patrick freezes, his eyes wide with fear, and quickly backs away from the objects.]
Patrick: Sorry, Doctor. I'll behave.
[SpongeBob gives Patrick a stern look, silently communicating that he needs to listen.]
[Squidward, feeling frustrated and disheartened, tries to regain control of the situation.]
Squidward: Doctor, with all due respect, I came here seeking help, not fabricated explanations. Is there anything you can do?
[The doctor's playful demeanor fades, replaced by a more serious expression.]
Doctor: I apologize, Squidward. I have never encountered a case like this before. It seems to be a unique phenomenon. I will consult with my colleagues and do some further research to see if there are any potential solutions.
[Squidward, although disappointed, appreciates the doctor's sincerity.]
Squidward: Thank you, Doctor. I hope you can find some answers.
[As the scene ends, the trio leaves the doctor's office, their journey for a solution far from over.]
[Scene: Squidward's bedroom - Squidward waking up the next day, feeling uncomfortable.]
[Squidward groggily opens his eyes, feeling a strange sensation. He checks himself and realizes he has splooged every hour of the night.]
Squidward: Oh, for fuck's sake! Not again! I can't believe this shit!
[Squidward's discomfort grows as he reflects on the sheer amount of splooge produced.]
Squidward: Seriously, how the hell did I have that much splooge to begin with? It's like a never-ending fountain of... ugh!
[He shakes his head in disbelief, the frustration evident on his face.]
Squidward: This is beyond ridiculous. I can't even get a decent night's sleep without my clock-cock going off every hour.
[He mutters to himself, a mix of annoyance and disbelief.]
Squidward: Who knew my body was capable of such splooge production? It's like a fucking factory down there!
[He lets out a sigh, resigned to his bizarre fate.]
Squidward: Well, I guess I'll just have to embrace my newfound talent as the splooge master. SpongeBob and Patrick would probably find it hilarious.
[With a hint of sarcasm, he mutters under his breath.]
Squidward: Lucky me, the splooge extraordinaire. Just what I always wanted.
[Scene: Sandy's treedome - Squidward visits Sandy and explains his situation once again.]
Squidward: Sandy, I can't take it anymore. My clock-cock keeps splooging every damn hour. I need help, and I heard you might have a solution.
[Sandy, wearing her scientist gear, nods confidently.]
Sandy: Squidward, don't you worry. I've seen something like this back in Texas, and I know just what to do!
[The scene cuts to Squidward tied down on a table, his expression filled with fear and uncertainty.]
Squidward: Sandy, are you sure about this? I mean, really sure? It sounds... extreme.
[Sandy reassures Squidward, trying to calm his nerves.]
Sandy: Squidward, trust me. I've studied this condition, and I have a treatment plan that has worked 1 out of 100 times. We have to give it a shot.
[Squidward's panic intensifies, his voice trembling.]
Squidward: No, Sandy, please! I can't go through with this. It's too much. I can't handle the pain!
[Sandy, determined to proceed, activates a machine next to Squidward.]
Sandy: Squidward, I understand your fear, but we need to try this. It's our best chance at stopping the splooging. Brace yourself.
[Suddenly, the machine releases multiple electric shocks directly to Squidward's clock-cock, causing him excruciating pain.]
[Squidward's screams fill the room, his agony echoing through the treedome.]
Squidward: Aaaah! Sandy, please! Stop it! Make it stop!
[Despite Squidward's pleas, Sandy continues the procedure, hoping for a positive outcome.]
[Squidward's pain is unbearable, tears streaming down his face as he endures the shocks.]
[The scene ends with Squidward's anguished cries echoing in the treedome, the outcome of the treatment uncertain.]
[Scene: Squidward's recovery area - Squidward wakes up after the treatment, feeling groggy.]
[Squidward's eyes flutter open, and he sees Sandy selling a tub of his splooge to one of her scientist friends from Texas.]
[Sandy and the scientist friend engage in a conversation.]
Scientist Friend: Sandy, you've really outdone yourself this time! This splooge sample is a scientific breakthrough. I can't wait to analyze it further.
[Squidward, confused and curious, sits up and addresses Sandy.]
Squidward: Sandy, what's going on here? Why are you selling my splooge?
[Sandy, trying to cover her tracks, puts on a nonchalant expression.]
Sandy: Oh, Squidward, don't worry. I'm just getting these samples tested for scientific purposes. It's all part of the process.
[Sandy checks her watch, realizing that it's almost 12 o'clock.]
Sandy: Wait a minute, it's almost time! We're about to find out if the treatment worked.
[Sandy's excitement builds as she prepares to witness the moment of truth.]
Sandy: Okay, everyone, get ready! It's almost time!
[Sandy starts counting down from 5, anticipation filling the air.]
Sandy: 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...
[Just before Sandy's countdown finishes, with the clock about to strike 12, Squidward lets out a scream.]
Squidward: Splooge!
[In a disappointing turn of events, Squidward splooges once again, indicating that the treatment did not work.]
[Sandy's expression shifts from excitement to disappointment.]
Sandy: 1 out of 101 times…
[Squidward, feeling defeated and frustrated, slumps back onto the bed, his hopes dashed.]
Squidward: Great, just great. Another failure. Can anything ever go right?
[Sandy, still determined, tries to reassure Squidward, although her disappointment is evident.]
Sandy: Don't lose hope, Squidward. We'll keep trying. There's bound to be a solution out there.
Squidward: Sandy, if the electric shock treatment didn't work, what else is there? I can't keep going through this pain without any results.
[Sandy, deep in thought, considers her options.]
Sandy: Squidward, I know this might sound extreme, but there is another option. It's even more painful, but it has shown some potential in rare cases.
[Squidward's eyes widen with a mix of curiosity and dread.]
Squidward: More painful? Sandy, are you serious? I've already endured enough torment. What could possibly be worse?
[Sandy takes a deep breath, ready to reveal her suggestion.]
Sandy: Squidward, there's a procedure involving a series of intense sonic vibrations directly targeted at your... clock-cock. It's excruciating, but there have been reports of it resetting the splooge cycle.
[Squidward's face contorts with disbelief and horror.]
Squidward: Sonic vibrations? Are you out of your mind, Sandy? I can't subject myself to even more agony. I'd rather live with the splooging.
[Sandy tries to convince Squidward, her voice filled with concern.]
Sandy: Squidward, I understand your reservations, but we're running out of options. It might be our last chance to find a solution.
[Squidward, feeling defeated and overwhelmed, makes a decision.]
Squidward: I can't do it, Sandy. I can't go through with this. I appreciate your efforts, but I need to find another way, or maybe learn to live with it.
[With a heavy heart, Squidward gets up from the table and starts walking towards the exit of the treedome.]
[Sandy watches him go, a mix of disappointment and understanding on her face.]
Sandy: Squidward, I understand. Just remember, I'm here if you ever change your mind. Take care.
[Squidward leaves the treedome, determined to find an alternative solution or come to terms with his condition on his own.]
[Cut to Squidward at home, frustration evident on his face as he experiences yet another splooging episode.]
[Squidward sits at a desk, surrounded by stacks of books and a laptop, his research tools in the quest for a solution.]
Squidward: I've read countless Quora threads, devoured books on the subject, but nothing seems to stop this incessant splooging. Is there no end to this madness?
[Just as Squidward is about to give up, he stumbles upon an ancient seashell artifact hidden away in his attic.]
Squidward: What's this? Could this be the answer I've been searching for all this time?
[Scene: Jellyfish Fields - Night]
[Squidward, holding the seashell artifact, stands amidst the vibrant glow of Jellyfish Fields, surrounded by buzzing jellyfish.]
[Squidward takes a deep breath, determination in his eyes.]
Squidward: By the power of the sea, I command you, stop the ticking inside of me!
[As Squidward chants, a magical energy emanates from the seashell, enveloping his clock-cock.]
[Gradually, the clock-cock begins to transform back into its normal shape, the splooging curse fading away.]
[Squidward's face lights up with relief and joy.]
Squidward: Finally, I'm free! No more tick-tock, no more splooging! I've found the solution!
[Squidward's victory fills him with a renewed sense of hope and happiness.]
[The scene ends with Squidward basking in the newfound freedom from his splooging affliction, ready to embrace a life without constant interruptions.]
[Scene: The Krusty Krab - Squidward, SpongeBob, Patrick, Sandy, and Mr. Krabs engage in a conversation.]
[The group sits at a table, discussing recent events and Squidward's resolution to his splooging problem.]
Mr. Krabs: Well, Squidward, I'm glad to hear that you've finally resolved your little... splooging issue. It's good for business when employees can focus on work.
[SpongeBob and Patrick, unable to resist their juvenile sense of humor, start making jokes about splooging once again.]
SpongeBob: Hey Squidward, looks like you won't be "splooging" all over the place anymore!
[Patrick chuckles, joining in.]
Patrick: Yeah, Squidward, you should've joined the "splooge-free" club sooner!
[Squidward, visibly annoyed, interrupts their banter.]
Squidward: Enough! I've had my fill of splooge jokes. Can we please move on?
[Sandy, still confused about Squidward's resolution, admits her confusion.]
Sandy: I must confess, Squidward, I'm still a bit confused about how you managed to resolve your splooging issue. But hey, at least you're free from it now.
[Sandy's next line of dialogue combines both shock and nonchalant admission.]
Sandy: By the way, while we're on the subject, I made quite a fortune by selling your splooge samples on the dark web.
[Squidward's eyes widen in shock.]
Squidward: What?! You sold my fluids online?
[Sandy, already packed and ready for her holiday, changes the subject quickly.]
Sandy: Oh, look at the time! I'm about to head off on a holiday to Qatar. Gotta go, y'all!
[Sandy leaves, bidding farewell to SpongeBob and Patrick.]
Sandy: Take care, boys! I'll see you all soon!
[Squidward remains in a state of shock, unable to comprehend the fact that his bodily fluids were sold on the dark web.]
[The scene transitions to a memorial service for Squidward, with Mr. Krabs standing at a podium, addressing the crowd.]
[As Mr. Krabs finishes telling the story, the camera zooms in on his face, capturing a mix of nostalgia and melancholy.]
Mr. Krabs: And that's how our dear Squidward found his way to freedom, overcoming his splooging curse with the help of an ancient seashell artifact. He truly was a remarkable squid, and we will always remember him for his resilience and unique spirit.
[The camera then shifts its focus to the crowd of mourners, Squidward's family and friends, who are in total shock at the story Mr. Krabs had just shared.]
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