Pilot (Across the Seven Seas)

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The first episode of Plankton: Across the Seven Seas
== Transcript ==
Narrator: Previously on SpongeBob SquarePants:
(SpongeBob and Patrick run into the Chum Bucket and look around.)
SpongeBob: Plankton?
Karen: (rolls into the room) He's on vacation. What is it you need?
SpongeBob: I just wanted to know if you saw who robbed the Krusty Krab.
Karen: I am a computer. I can't see anything.
SpongeBob: Well, thanks anyway, Karen. Come on, Patrick. We have music to face.
(Bubble transition to a bus stop. It's night and it's raining. A bus speeds by, and Plankton is left over wearing a hat and holding a suitcase.)
Plankton: Nothing clears the mind better than a week with the relatives.
(Plankton stuffs his hat into his suitcase and starts walking to the Chum Bucket.)
Plankton: I have enough evil plans now to last me a lifetime! Mr. Krabs won't know what hit him!
(Plankton stops abruptly. The Chum Bucket is shown with a giant "Closed" sign in front of it.)
Plankton: What the...? KAREN! (taps his foot) Oh wait, she doesn't have legs.
(Plankton walks into the restaurant and sees Karen in sleep mode.)
Plankton: AWAKEN, YOU WORTHLESS CALCULATOR!
Karen: (waking up) It's nice to see you again, too, Plankton.
Plankton: What is going on here? That closed sign is going to turn off potential customers.
Karen: Potential customers? That's rich.
Plankton: (angrily) Don't make me dismantle you!
Karen: Alright, don't get your diapers in a bunch.
Plankton: (crosses arms) I'll have you know that I stopped wearing diapers 10 months ago!
Karen: I know. I'm the one who changes you.
Plankton: (scratches chin) Oh, right. Well, get on with it! Why's there a closed sign out front?
Karen: Because the restaurant is closed.
Plankton: (waves arms wildly) ACCORDING TO WHO?
Karen: According to the government.
Plankton: What?
Karen: Here. They left a note.
(Karen prints out a letter, which Plankton rips out and reads.)
Plankton: Dear valued citizen, blah blah blah blah, yadda yadda, yup yup. What kind of foreign language is this?
Karen: It's government language, sweetie. Just run it through my Government to English translator and I'll read it for you.
(Plankton puts the letter back into Karen and the text "Dear valued citizen, blah blah blah blah, yadda yadda, yup yup." appears on the screen.)
Karen: Begin message. Dear walking tax dollars, it has come to our attention that you have been operating a fast food restaurant with an expired business license. So you don't start getting the idea that you actually live in a democracy, we have no option but to come over and shut your restaurant down. With love, the government. End message.
Plankton: (rips off antennas) This is horrible! How am I going to run Krabs out of business without a business to run him out of business with?
Karen: Plankton, maybe this all was a sign.
Plankton: A sign that I shouldn't go 7 years without renewing my licenses?
Karen: Well, yeah. But also a sign that you should quit worrying about Mr. Krabs.
Plankton: But I'm this close to getting him. My next plan can't fail!
Karen: That's what you said about your last 468 plans.
Plankton: Geez, has it been that long? I mean, get off my back, woman! If I can't run Krabs out of business by selling Krabby Patties, I'll figure out another way to do it!
Karen: Of course you will.
Plankton: I will, gosh darn it!
Policeman: (from outside) Who's in there?
Plankton: Oh, shoot! It's the po po! I've gotta get out of here!
Policeman: Stay right where you are!
(Plankton slips into a mouse hole as the policeman breaks the door down.)
Policeman: Hello? (points his gun at Karen)
Karen: I am a computer. I cannot speak.
Policeman: Well, then it must have just been the wind. (walks out) Indoor winds. Who'd have thunk it?
Karen: You can come out from hiding now.
(Plankton peeks out from the mouse hole then fully departs.)
Plankton: Now, where was I?
Karen: You were telling me how you'd figure out another way to get your butt kicked by Mr. Krabs.
Plankton: Oh, right! Yes, I've got it now. And it's delightfully devious. (laughs maniacally) Also, shut up.
(Cut to the Krusty Krab. Plankton is carrying a rolled-up sheet of paper and tape. He puts the items on the ground, runs offscreen, and comes back with a ladder. He picks the stuff up, walks up the ladder, and tapes the paper to the door. He then walks down the ladder and runs offscreen. He walks back onscreen with the "Closed" sign, which he proceeds to stick into the ground. He jumps on top of the sign, continues jumping to get it deeper in, and laughs while he does so. Thunder booms and lightning flashes.)
(Cut back to the Chum Bucket.)
Plankton: As you see from that unnecessarily long action, Karen, I plan to make Krabs think the government shut his restaurant down. He'll have no choice but to surrender!
Karen: I've come up with exactly 94 scenarios for this plan's failure.
Plankton: I've come up with exactly one scenario for your system's failure. Me shutting it off!
(Plankton unplugs Karen.)
Plankton: See? I can be clever, too. Ha ha ha ha ha. (bends head left and right for each "ha")
(Plankton jumps to the window and sees Mr. Krabs walking down the street and humming "Blow the Man Down")
Plankton: Looks like he's here!
(Plankton runs over to the Krusty Krab and hides in a nearby bush.)
Mr. Krabs: (spots the sign) Shiver me timbers!
SpongeBob: (running down street) I'm ready-eddy-eddy-eddy-huh?
(SpongeBob catches up with Mr. Krabs, who's reading the note.)
SpongeBob: Why's there a closed sign out front, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: According to this letter, the government shut us down!
SpongeBob: (looks at the note) I can't make any sense of this!
Mr. Krabs: It's government language, boy! You'd have to be some kind of an idiot to not know that!
(Plankton clears his throat.)
SpongeBob: Did you hear something?
Mr. Krabs: This isn't the time to worry about ghosts, lad! We have bigger problems at hand!
SpongeBob: (shrugs) Why's the government shutting us down, anyway?
Mr. Krabs: Apparently, our license is expired. Didn't I tell you to keep that thing up to date?
SpongeBob: But I did!
Mr. Krabs: The blahs don't lie, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: (crying) I'm sorry! This is all my fault!
Mr. Krabs: Of course it's all your fault! I should have never trusted you! Now we're all out of work!
SpongeBob: Can't you just buy a new license?
Mr. Krabs: (points at himself) Do I look like I'm made of money?
(Cut to a close-up of Mr. Krabs in which his head is literally a pile of money with eyes.)
SpongeBob: I...I don't know! (cries again)
Mr. Krabs: Your tears aren't going to bring me restraint back. Man up!
Squidward: (walks onscreen with a disturbingly large grin) So, the government finally shut your illegal operation down, huh?
Mr. Krabs: Put a sock in it, big nose!
Squidward: Gladly. (walks offscreen laughing)
Mr. Krabs: Well, if you need me, I'll be selling drugs in the alleyway. (follows Squidward offscreen)
SpongeBob: (sniffs) Goodbye...Krusty Krab. (follows Mr. Krabs offscreen with his head down)
(Plankton just stands in the bushes with his mouth gaping open for the next few minutes.)
Plankton: I...did it. I finally put my archenemy out of business! Oh, gosh! I've never felt such joy in my life! Whoopee!
(As Plankton dances in excitement, a hobo walks in front of the bush and looks around. Seeing that the coast is clear, he unzips.)
Plankton: (looks up) Wait a minute! No! Don't!
(Water is heard sprinkling as the hobo breathes a sigh of relief. Plankton screams the whole time.)
(Cut to the Chum Bucket. Plankton walks in with yellow stuff dripping from him. He dries himself off with a napkin and turns Karen back on.)
Plankton: So, I was just given a golden shower.
Karen: Congratulations. How did the plan go?
Plankton: It worked perfectly, in fact. Mr. Krabs is finally out of business. What do you have to say to that?
Karen: Great job. It only took you 20 years.
Plankton: (scoffs) Haters gonna hate.
Karen: Well, don't let me interrupt your party, certified gangsta.
Plankton: Whatever! Now that Mr. Krabs is gone, I can finally sit back, relax, and enjoy my life as a college-educated person who went to college.
Karen: That joke's not old.
Plankton: It will never get old, Karen! Recognize!
(Bubble transition to the park. "What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong begins to play. Plankton is jumping from flower to flower in a meadow with a blissful look on his face. In the middle of a jump, a worm catches him in his teeth. Bones are heard breaking as Plankton screams bloody murder.)
(Cut to SpongeBob's house. He's laying nonchalantly in his bed, playing paddleball.)
SpongeBob: Just 9,998,559,671,349-48-47 to go.
Gary: (groans) Me-ow.
(Cut to the park's swingset. Plankton is sitting on one of the swings, attempting to move it, to no avail. A very large child walks onscreen, and thinking that Plankton's swing is available, jumps right on. Plankton screams again.)
(Cut to Squidward's house. He paints a portrait of himself and sighs peacefully, then throws the portrait into a trash can filled with others.)
(Cut to a mini-golf course. Plankton manages to make a hole in one. While he's cheering, the camera zooms out to show that he's in a larger hole in a larger mini-golf course. Nat's playing in that golf course, and he manages to make a hole in one. More screaming ensues.)
(Cut to Patrick's rock. Patrick wakes up with his stomach grumbling.)
Patrick: I wonder if Squidward locks his house at night... (the music stops playing)
(Cut to the Chum Bucket. Plankton, wearing a full-body cast, jumps in.)
Karen: How was the park?
Plankton: (furious) HOW DO YOU THINK IT WAS?
Karen: Wow, you sure are loud for someone with crushed lungs.
Plankton: (lays down in a bed and groans) Is a nice day at the park too much to ask for?
Karen: When you're the primary antagonist of the show, yes.
Plankton: But what's the point of being an antagonist when you have nobody to antagonize? There is none! With Krabs out of business, my only purpose in life is to be worm food! (raises an arm with bite marks on it)
Karen: Goodness, Plankton. Even when you aren't a complete loser, you just can't stop whining.
Plankton: But it's not fair. Even when I should be happy, I'm completely miserable.
Karen: What makes you happy, Plankton? That's what you need to know.
Plankton: What makes me happy? Going after that cheapskate all the time, sending his world for a spin, making sure he doesn't have a day of rest. It's fun, it's reliable, it's something I've just completely screwed up! (cries)
Karen: If you want to annoy Mr. Krabs so badly, just tell him what you did. You two will be bickering like children again in no time.
Plankton: Honesty? No way! That goes against my code!
Karen: What code?
Plankton: My...code. You know. It's...used for...things.
Karen: You're not making any sense.
Plankton: You just wouldn't understand, Karen. It's a guy thing. And a flesh and blood thing. So, telling the truth is out. (thinks for a second) But don't worry, Karen. I have a plan that will satisfy my villainous urges and keep Krabs on the streets!
Karen: (monotonous) Please, oh wondrous husband. Tell me what your magnificent plan is.
Plankton: I will! Now, you may remember the famous Imitation Krabs I built some time ago.
Karen: Go on.
Plankton: Well, I'm rebuilding it, this time without that pesky coin-operated self-destruct and with...
(Plankton struggles out of his bed, jumps to his cabinet, and pulls a test tube filled with a red liquid out from it.)
Plankton: The DNA of Ol' Eugene Krabs himself! (laughs maniacally)
Karen: (pauses) Why were you storing Mr. Krabs' DNA in your cabinet?
Plankton: I don't tell you how to live your life, Karen! Anyway, once my wounds heal, I will begin work on what will undoubtedly be my GREATEST PLAN EVER!
(Plankton begins to laugh maniacally again. Thunder booms and lightning flashes.)
(Cut to commercial.)
(Open to the Chum Bucket. Plankton, now fully recovered, is putting the finishing touches to a shiny new Imitation Krabs.)
Plankton: Imagine it, Karen. A perfect enemy with Krabs' love of justice and hatred of me multiplied by 100! (giggles) I get goosebumps just thinking about it.
Karen: You need help, Plankton.
Plankton: No. (jumps on a wrench) What I need is a hand with this wrench!
(Karen sighs, extends her robotic arm, and pushes the wrench, crushing Plankton before he has a chance to jump off.)
Plankton: (stuck to the hand) WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER?
Karen: (shakes Plankton off) You said you wanted a hand.
Plankton: Ugh! Whatever! Not even you can ruin this perfect day... (holds up the test tube) Because as of now, I once again have a purpose!
(Plankton opens a door on Imitation Krabs' back and puts the DNA into it. He closes the door then presses a button nearby it.)
Imitation Krabs: (starting up) Ahoy, mateys.
Plankton: Yes! You see, Karen, this Krabs, unlike the original Krabs, will challenge my intelligence!
Karen: Oh, so it'll take you more than 20 years to defeat this one?
Plankton: (mocking) Oh, so it'll take you mur mur mur SHADDUP!
Imitation Krabs: Sir, does your name happen to be Sheldon J. Plankton?
Plankton: Why, yes, my creation, it does!
Imitation Krabs: Good. That is all I needed to know. (turns hand into rocket and shoots Plankton with it)
Plankton: (turning into ashes) I am genius!
Imitation Krabs: (looks up at Karen) Missus, do you happen to know a place where I can fill my oil tank?
Karen: They have plenty of it down the street in that abandoned food shack.
Imitation Krabs: (nods) Thank you.
(Imitation Krabs rolls out of the Chum Bucket and literally breaks through the Krusty Krab doors. The policeman from earlier in the episode runs into the CB and points his gun at Karen again.)
Policeman: Alright! This time I know I heard something! Don't try to deny it! I'm taking you both i-
(A mechanical fist punches the officer's lights out. Another hand picks him up while the other flicks him off into the horizon.)
Karen: Well, that was unexciting.
(The mechanical hands sweep Plankton's ashes into a pan and pours the ashes into a recycling bin. Plankton jumps out of the bin in his normal form.)
Karen: So, how does it feel to see another plan fail?
Plankton: Fail? That was my greatest fight ever! I still have adrenaline running through my tiny veins! This plan was a complete success! (laughs maniacally) Hey, where did Imitation Krabs go?
Karen: I pointed him to the Krusty Krab so he could fill his oil tank.
Plankton: Good, good. You can't fight the bad guy on an empty stomach. Or tank. Or something.
(Cut to the Krusty Krab kitchen. Imitation Krabs finishes sucking the grease out from the fryer.)
Imiation Krabs: (looks around) Hey. This place is not half bad. I could make a use from it.
(Cut back to the Chum Bucket. Plankton is chewing on a chum nugget mindlessly when he hears an explosion.)
Plankton: What was that?
(Plankton jumps up to the window and notices a large crater in the place of the Krusty Krab's closed sign.)
Plankton: A large crater? In the place of the Krusty Krab's closed sign? What in Neptune's name is going on? (looks at watch) AND WHERE IS THAT STUPID ROBOT?
Karen: Instead of yelling at the window, how about you just find out for yourself?
Plankton: Find out for myself? That's crazy enough to work! Thanks for being helpful for once, computer wife.
Karen: (rolls eyes) Any time.
(As Plankton leaves the Chum Bucket, he sees a fish leave the Krusty Krab holding a Krabby Patty.)
Plankton: (chuckles) I haven't seen one of those in a while... Hey, wait a minute!
(Plankton follows another fish through the crab-shaped hole in the doors and stops at a long line to the register.)
Plankton: What the?
(Pan left to show Imitation Krabs running the register. Fred walks up to him.)
Fred: Can I get a Krabby Patty to go?
Imitation Krabs: Order received. (shoots a Krabby Patty into Fred's mouth) That will be $1.99.
Fred: (grabs throat) Can't... breathe...
Imitation Krabs: Please take all complaints to the manager.
Fred: Manager... What... Manager?
(Another Imitation Krabs rolls out of the manager's office.)
Imitation Krabs 2: Did somebody call me?
(Fred throws the money at the first Imitation Krabs and rushes out, still choking.)
Imitation Krabs 1: Who is next?
Plankton: Two Imitation Krabses? Successfully running the original Krabs' business? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?
Imitation Krabs 2: Wait a minute. I would recognize that squeaking anywhere.
Plankton: Oh, no.
Imitation Krabses: Plankton!
(Cut to a time card.)
Narrator: (slowly) One millionth of a second later.
(Cut to Plankton screaming as he flies out of the Krusty Krab and crashes into the Chum Bucket.)
Karen: Just like old times, right?
Plankton: (pulls himself out of the wall) I can't believe this. (knocks on the wall) The bucket walls are made of steel! That cyborg isn't just an enhanced Mr. Krabs. He's an enhanced Mr. Krabs without self-restriction! And considering he's smart enough to clone himself and make money from fast food all within a day, who knows what else he's capable of?
(A rocket with arms and legs walks through the doors, clasps his hands together, and dives into Plankton, blowing him up.)
Plankton: (turning into ashes) This isn't fun anymore.
Karen: Oh, you poor thing.
(Karen sweeps up and dumps Plankton into the recycling bin again.)
Plankton: (jumps out of bin) It looks like I have no other choice. I'm going to have to destroy the Imitation Krabses before they destroy me! (takes a lead pipe out of his pocket) I'll be back in a jiff!
Karen: Are you sure it's a good idea to just ambush them like that?
Plankton: (running out) Sorry! Can't hear you!
(Cut to the Krusty Krab. Plankton runs in waving the lead pipe around.)
Plankton: Alright, you mechanical menace parentheses-s-end parentheses! TASTE MY LE-
(Cut to a time card.)
Narrator: (slowly) One thousandth of a second later.
(Cut to Plankton screaming as he flies out of the Krusty Krab and crashes into the Chum Bucket.)
Plankton: (stuck in wall) Improvement!
(A rocket blasts into him and the explosion transitions the scene to the Krusty Krab at nighttime. Zoom in to reveal Imitation Krabs bouncing on a pile of money.)
Imitation Krabs: Money. Sweet money. (slides a dollar under his nose) But this is not enough. Need more. Need more money. (eyes flash red) Need...more...money.
(Cut to the Chum Bucket. The table Plankton is sleeping on begins to shake violently with the sounds of machinery.)
Plankton: (jumps up) What...WHERE IS ALL THAT RUCKUS COMING FROM?
Karen: Plankton, wake me from my beauty sleep again and I'll fry you to a crisp.
Plankton: THAT IS DOMESTIC ABUSE, KAREN! I CAN AND WILL TURN YOU IN TO THE AUTHORITIES!
(Karen extends a laser beam and points it straight at her husband.)
Plankton: oh was i being loud sorry baby just morning crankiness you know
Karen: Mmmhmm. (withdraws laser beam)
(Plankton walks out of the Chum Bucket and finds that the sounds are coming from the Krusty Krab.)
Plankton: (groans) Of course.
(Plankton slips under the KK doors and tiptoes to the kitchen, where the clamor is at its loudest. Once inside, he looks up and runs back against the door.)
Plankton: HOLY SHRIMP!
(A string of Imitation Imitation Krabses pass by on a conveyor belt. A large tube at one side drops three or four of them onto the conveyor belt at once, and on the other side, each clone flies out of an open window with a newly-installed jet pack before getting the chance to fall off the belt.)
Plankton: A factory of them! A factory!
(Plankton runs out of the restaurant and breathes heavily.)
Plankton: This is too much. One Krabs I can handle, but a tri-state area's worth With jet packs? Barnacles...
(The newspaper boy runs his bicycle over Plankton.)
Newspaper Boy: Extree! Extree! Unusually shiny flying crabs rampage through Bikini Bottom!
(Zoom in to Plankton rolling around with the front wheel.)
Plankton: Hey! You stupid kid! I'm-wait. Unusually shiny flying crabs?
(A bump in the road knocks Plankton off the front wheel.)
Plankton: Boy, was that luck- (back wheel catches him) Oh, you're kidding me! At least the next bump shouldn't be too far off.
(Cut to a time card.)
Narrator: (quickly) One hour later.
(Cut back to the bicycle. It goes over a bump and Plankton is left over with his eye swirling.)
Plankton: WHYEEE?
(An Imitation Krabs flies out from a nearby bank with a large sack of money. The policemen arrive and shoot tarter sauce at him. The Imitation Krabs avoids the sauce and shoots a rocket at the policemen. They jump out the way of the explosion and run away screaming like little girls as another rocket is pointed at them, The imitation turns and shoots the rocket at the bank instead, forcing everyone to evacuate it. The imitation then moves on to its next victim.)
Plankton: Oh, no! I can't let them destroy the place! I called it first!
(Plankton runs to the Chum Bucket, avoiding falling rockets and boats swerving around in panic. "It's The End of the World As We Know It" by R.E.M. begins to play. As the sun rises, more imitations fly through the buildings with sacks that get gradually heavier. Citizens run through the streets in terror and sorrow at their lost life savings. Some people decide to retaliate with an attack of their own. None of those people meet a happy fate. There's fire burning and babies crying everywhere. Plankton finally makes it to his domicile and staggers in with his heart broken at what he just witnessed. The music stops playing.)
Plankton: Karen, I think I've been living here for too long.
Karen: (yawns) Why is that?
Plankton: Because I actually care about all the unrest those androids are causing.
Karen: Well, what are you gonna do about it?
Plankton: What else can I do?
(Plankton climbs up a ladder and presses a red button. A circular portion of the floor sinks underground and the Chum-Bot from Enemy-in-Law rises from the hole a few seconds later.)
Plankton: I had to remove my Chum-Bot's automated functions after the trouble it gave me, but it still works well enough.
(Plankton transfers Karen's program to the robot, climbs up the cord he used for the transfer, and jumps into the Chum-Bot's eye, closing the window behind him.)
Plankton: Now, let's kick some Krabby butt!
(Plankton fiddles with the joystick control, and the Chum-Bot struts through the wall and across the street, swatting off imitations like flies. Once it gets to the Krusty Krab, it sticks a hand through the kitchen window, snaps the conveyor belt in half, and uses a half to plug up the birthing tube. As it walks back to the street, an explosion from the kitchen lets it know that the first half of its job is done.)
(Cut to the mayor's office in the Bikini Bottom Capital. The mayor is in a corner sitting in fetal position and sucking his thumb. What is presumed to be the original Imitation Krabs flies through the roof and points a rocket at the mayor.)
Mayor: What do you want, you madman?
Imitation Krabs: Every single cent in the Bikini Bottom treasury.
Mayor: But-but I can't just give it to you!
Imitation Krabs: (moves rocket closer to the mayor's face) You cannot?
Mayor: (sweating) Well, I can't! The treasurer is on floor 3. Request the money from him.
Imitation Krabs: If I find out you are screwing with me, I will be back.
(Imitation Krabs leaves the room and the mayor breathes a sigh of relief.)
(Cut to the parking lot of the Bikini Bottom Mall. The Chum-Bot blocks the entrance with a truck so the imitations can't rob it.)
Karen: Behind you!
(The Chum-Bot turns around and slaps an imitation with an aimed rocket, sending it to the ground and blowing it up.)
Plankton: Thanks, Karen.
Karen: There's still one behind you.
Plankton: What?
(An explosion in the Chum-Bot's back causes him to lose his balance.)
Plankton: Gah!
(The Chum-Bot swings around on one leg and kicks the imitation responsible into the horizon. It then jumps up and does a split, taking care of the imitations coming in from each side.)
Plankton: (wipes his head) I'm not really sure how I did that.
(Cut to the treasurer's office in the BBC. Imitation Krabs breaks down the door and points the rocket at him.)
Imitation Krabs: You know what I am here for.
Treasurer: Ugh, that spineless little mayor. Alright, I'll get your money. Hold on.
(The treasurer walks to the safe, does the combination, and opens it to reveal a treasure chest.)
Imitation Krabs: Yes. Yes. More money. More money.
(Cut to the outside of the Bikini Bottom Capital. The Chum-Bot walks up to the building and two imitations fly into his way.)
Imitation Krabs 1: I am sorry, sir.
Imitation Krabs 2: We cannot allow you to go any further.
(The Chum-Bot grabs the imitations and smashes them together.)
Plankton: Idiots.
(The treasurer puts the chest in front of Imitation Krabs and runs out of the room. Imitation Krabs opens the chest and his face shines from the doubloons' radiance. Suddenly, the Chum-Bot punches open the wall and grabs Imitation Krabs from the room.)
Plankton: Well, well, well. Look who's in the superior position now.
Imitation Krabs: Plankton!
Plankton: That's my name. Don't wear it out.
Imitation Krabs: I should have known you'd try to stop me.
Plankton: No, Krabs. No, you shouldn't have. I've wanted to destroy this town for the past 30 years. The fact that you'd stoop to doing such a thing is what opened my eyes. All this time, I thought your primary characteristic was benevolence. You were always such a goody two shoes in high school. That's why all the teachers and students loved you as much as they hated me. But I won't dwell on that because your primary characteristic isn't benevolence. No, it's not. It's greed. That's what it is. I can't believe it took me this long to figure it out. You'd do anything for a cheap buck, like slander my name and, with the help of a bit of artificial amplification, loot an entire city. It's very ironic, too, because the belief that you were kind is what encouraged me to be evil. You were the protagonist and I was the antagonist. That was how it had been for I don't know how long. When I finally won, I didn't know what to do from there, so I thought that if I built a new, better Krabs, I could have a reason to continue being what I am. Or was. But you aren't a better Krabs. You're not only worse than Krabs, you're worse than me! As I walked through those battered streets, I don't know. You could say my heart grew three sizes, but you could also say that I realized that I could have been the cause of all that. That I should have been the cause of all that. And the fact that you're the cause of all that is what makes me sick more than anything else. So yeah, I guess I'm going to be the good guy now, since you're not going to bother to take that position, you greedy bas-
Imitation Krabs: (interrupting) Yes. That monologue is very exciting. Slash sarcasm. If you excuse me, I have money to steal.
(Imitation Krabs shoots a rocket at the Chum-Bot's eye. Plankton, startled, grabs the control and pulls it. The Chum-Bot bends down backwards as the rocket flies over him in slow motion. Once the frame rate is back to normal, the Chum-Bot throws Imitation Krabs to the ground as hard as possible.)
Plankton: It took the writer fifteen minutes to perfect that monologue. Don't you dare hate on it.
Imitation Krabs: (sputters electric sparks) You may think this is over, but it's far from that. The imitations you destroyed on the way are only a small fraction of the many I produced. They were instructed to scour the ocean for all the money they could find and return to rebuild me if an occurrence like this was to happen. If you destroyed the factory before coming here, which I'm sure you did, there's still more than enough to take care of my business. You may think this is over, but it's just beginniii (shuts down)
(Plankton sits there quietly for a moment then has the Chum-Bot walk down the street. The mayor calls him from his office window.)
Mayor: (waves handkerchief) Thank you, giant stranger! You've saved Bikini Bottom!
Plankton: Put a sock in it, fatty.
Mayor: (pauses) Alright, then.
(The Mayor ducks back into his office and the Chum-Bot continues its walk.)
Karen: So, what are you going to do now that you're the "good guy"?
Plankton: You were listening to my monologue?
Karen: It's not like it was difficult. I'm not subject to your animal attention span.
Plankton: I'll have you know that I'm considered an animal and a plant.
Karen: Does that make it much better?
Plankton: Not really. Anyway, I'm going to scour the ocean and stop all the imitations before they devastate the seven seas.
Karen: What about Bikini Bottom?
Plankton: Well, with all the sacks of money left over, the wealth will be redistributed in no time. The mayor's probably going to fix all the buildings and stuff, and once I-ick-tell Mr. Krabs the truth, he'll go back to running his restaurant, ripping people off, and keeping the formula from me.
Karen: You're still going to pursue the formula when you get back?
Plankton: Hey, it gives me something to do. (looks at watch) Wow, the second part of this pilot has gone on for way too long. Let's just walk off into the sunset, transition to the credits, and call it a day.
Karen: Good plan.
(The Chum-Bot walks off into the sunset.)
(The End)
(As the credits begin to roll, we cut to SpongeBob's house. SpongeBob is still playing paddleball in his bed.)
SpongeBob: 29,998,559,671,347...29,998,559,671,348...29,998,559,671,349! I've done it! I've beaten the Dirty Bubble Challenge! Now to get out and smell the fresh spring water!
(SpongeBob walks outside and everything around him is chrome.)
SpongeBob: HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN IN THERE?
(A man comes up to SpongeBob, sprays the paddle he's holding chrome, and tips his hat to him.)
(Cut to a jail cell. Mr. Krabs is being held in it. A jailer walks by.)
Mr. Krabs: (slides his cup across the bars) I'm innocent, innocent I tell you! That seaweed wasn't mine! I was only selling it!
(Cut to Squidward's house. Squidward walks downstairs to find Patrick rummaging through his refrigerator.)
Squidward: Patrick! What are you doing?
(Patrick sticks his head out of the fridge. His mouth has several pounds of food stuck in it.)
Patrick: (muffled) Nothing.
(The credits finish rolling.)
Category:Spin-Offs
Category:Pilots
Category:Transcripts
Category:Featured