The Perfect Perfect School Year/Transcript

Speaker 	Line
[Opening sequence plays. Cut to title card. Beginning of episode 1.] 	[Opening sequence plays. Cut to title card. Beginning of episode 1.]
[Cut to Raven, breathing heavily and running to school with eggs-on-toast in her mouth. She stops in the middle of the street, sighing in relief. She turns to the audience and introduces herself.] 	[Cut to Raven, breathing heavily and running to school with eggs-on-toast in her mouth. She stops in the middle of the street, sighing in relief. She turns to the audience and introduces herself.]
Raven 	My name is Raven. I'm just your regular high-school girl. And today is the first day of my brand new life. The first day of school! ...the FIRST DAY! Last year, I failed almost every single test I've taken. But this year's when things change! Even though it's gonna be harder to study than ever because of my new night job. You see, basically, I'm a magical girl! ...but basically only at night time. I hope I know some of the students in my class this year. Apparently, the other school down the road blew up, and all the students had to transfer to our school. I could be in class with anyone this year! Maybe even... ...the love of my life!
[Raven sighs dreamily. Ryan Sasuke, a spiky-haired transfer student, bumps into her. He seems very upset.] 	[Raven sighs dreamily. Ryan Sasuke, a spiky-haired transfer student, bumps into her. He seems very upset.]
Raven 	OW!
Ryan Sasuke 	Out of my way, four-eyes!
Raven 	HEY! You watch where you're going! Who even are you?
Ryan Sasuke 	I'm new to this stupid school!
Raven 	...was that...?
[A beat. Cut to moments later as Raven enters her homeroom. Berrycream Frosting is sat inside and is very excited to see her.] 	[A beat. Cut to moments later as Raven enters her homeroom. Berrycream Frosting is sat inside and is very excited to see her.]
Berrycream 	Oh my gosh! Is that my bestest best best best best best best best best best bestest best best best in the whole wide world best friend Raven?
Raven 	Oh, thank god! I thought I would be stuck in a class with people I didn't know! Those transfer students all seem like big jerks! Is that seat taken?
[Dark Shi swoops in and takes the intended seat.] 	[Dark Shi swoops in and takes the intended seat.]
Berrycream 	OH!
Raven 	Oh! It's Dark Shi! You were in my class last year, and you h- were at my 17th birthday party, where you gave me a new makeup kit! You also helped me with my homework for a semester when my grades were too low. And you were also a member of the school band, which I was also in! I think you played the clarinet, if I recall. I played the drums. And I also remember you taking care of a hamster. You brought them into show and tell that one day, and said their name was Squeakers. You are also a size nine shoe, and you enjoy listening to classic rock. I also saw you get into a disagreement with a teacher last year, but I don't remember anything happening after that.
Dark Shi 	Yeah.
Raven 	You're sitting here?
Dark Shi 	Yeah. Sorry.
Raven 	I suppose I could just sit in the chair behind Berrycream.
[Debris shakes from the floor as DrillGirl drills through it, and peeks from underneath her seat.] 	[Debris shakes from the floor as DrillGirl drills through it, and peeks from underneath her seat.]
DrillGirl 	Oh-hoh-hoh-hoh-hoh-hoh-hoh! A perfect chair for Drillgirl... the real star of this show!
Raven 	...FUCK! What about this seat?
[Ryan swoops in to sit where Raven wanted, with his legs hanging over the desk.] 	[Ryan swoops in to sit where Raven wanted, with his legs hanging over the desk.]
Ryan Sasuke 	Too slow again, football head! [blows raspberry]
Raven 	UGH!!!
[Teapot whistling can be heard. Raven is so upset and her head starts to resemble an actual football.] 	[Teapot whistling can be heard. Raven is so upset and her head starts to resemble an actual football.]
Raven 	I guess I have to sit next to Omen.
[Cut to Omen, a levitating cone with angel wings spinning around him. He is floating behind the desk, and does not have a chair unlike the others. He speaks in a robotic and monotone voice.] 	[Cut to Omen, a levitating cone with angel wings spinning around him. He is floating behind the desk, and does not have a chair unlike the others. He speaks in a robotic and monotone voice.]
Omen 	Hello. My name is Omen. It is a pleasure to meet you, Raven. I hope that this year we can find academic excellence through our collaboration. I look forward to the school year, and I hope you'll come to be as enthusiastic as I am about what the future holds.
[Cut to the homeroom teacher Mr. Ryu, standing in front of the blackboard. He has written his name on it.] 	[Cut to the homeroom teacher Mr. Ryu, standing in front of the blackboard. He has written his name on it.]
Mr. Ryu 	Alright, class, let's settle down. I know you're all excited to meet the new transfer students, but why don't I introduce myself?
[Mr. Ryu writes his name again just below his name, with a slightly different writing style and thinner weight.] 	[Mr. Ryu writes his name again just below his name, with a slightly different writing style and thinner weight.]
Mr. Ryu 	I'm Mr. Ryu. Now, if that's too hard, you can just call me Sensei. I'll be your homeroom teacher this year. Do we have any questions?
Omen 	I have a question.
Mr. Ryu 	Yes, what is it, Omen?
[Omen starts glitching and shaking, until he explodes. Raven's face turns into an expression of befuddlement.] 	[Omen starts glitching and shaking, until he explodes. Raven's face turns into an expression of befuddlement.]
Omen 	eeeeeeeeeeeee oouyaayweeewo-
[Cut to the mess hall. Raven sits next to Dark Shi, who is eating a sandwich.] 	[Cut to the mess hall. Raven sits next to Dark Shi, who is eating a sandwich.]
Raven 	Hey, Dark Shi, who's that?
Dark Shi 	Oh, that's just Strawberry. She's one of the transfer students that's in our class this year.
[Strawberry is sitting across the table, and greets them.] 	[Strawberry is sitting across the table, and greets them.]
Strawberry 	Hiii! Nice to meet you!
Raven 	Hey, Strawberry.
Strawberry 	Is something wrong?
Raven 	Oh, it's... nothing, I just... [she sighs]
Strawberry 	You could talk about it if you want-
Raven 	It's just that I was really looking forward to sitting next to someone I knew this year, but all the seats are taken up! I'm nowhere near my friends Dark Shi or Berrycream Frosting. [A beat.] Where is she, anyway?
Dark Shi 	She's in the bathroom, smoking crack.
Raven 	Oh. Okay. I don't know! I just wish one of those transfer students would move their ugly asses so I could sit where I want.
[Ryan Sasuke appears next to Raven, screaming with pumping veins.] 	[Ryan Sasuke appears next to Raven, screaming with pumping veins.]
Ryan Sasuke 	Who are you callin' an ugly ass, pinhead?!
Raven 	Oh, great.
Ryan Sasuke 	If you wanted to sit there so bad, why don't you beat me in a fight?! If you win, I'll let you sit where you wanted. But if you lose... [A beat.]
Strawberry 	Oh, come on. Raven is nice! She would never-
Raven 	[cheerfully] Oh, yeah, sure. I'll do that.
Ryan Sasuke 	Heh! Good! Meet me after the cafeteria scene, on the roof. And that's where we'll settle things.
Strawberry 	Raven, I can't believe you agreed to fight him! He was one of the toughest kids in our last school!
[Suddenly we cut to Chupachups, a purple alien, who is lighting a joint. Her voice is raised at a pitch so high that it's barely intelligible.] 	[Suddenly we cut to Chupachups, a purple alien, who is lighting a joint. Her voice is raised at a pitch so high that it's barely intelligible.]
Chupachups 	HEY! I'm Chupachups the alien! I used to go to school with that kid too! He's actually a huge PUSSY! You wanna go smoke weed?
[Chupachups draws an extremely deep puff of weed, and coughs violently for an uninterrupted four seconds. Cut to the school's rooftop. Ryan and Raven meet each-other there. Raven has arrived there with pinkeye due to exposure to the weed.]	[Chupachups draws an extremely deep puff of weed, and coughs violently for an uninterrupted four seconds. Cut to the school's rooftop. Ryan and Raven meet each-other there. Raven has arrived there with pinkeye due to exposure to the weed.]
Ryan Sasuke 	Glad you made it, poindexter. I thought you would get so, so scared, and wouldn't show up!
Raven 	Heh! You wish! I'm getting that seat near my friends if it's the last thing I do!
[Raven transforms into her magical girl attire and superpowers in a transformation sequence.] 	[Raven transforms into her magical girl attire and superpowers in a transformation sequence.]
Ryan Sasuke 	Huh. So you can transform, huh? Like that matters! I'm gonna wipe the floor wi-
[With a lot of momentum, Raven punches Ryan into the Sun.] 	[With a lot of momentum, Raven punches Ryan into the Sun.]
Ryan Sasuke 	Aauuuuhhhh!!!
[Raven is staring down the camera and speaks in a cheerful, yet threatening tone.] 	[Raven is staring down the camera and speaks in a cheerful, yet threatening tone.]
Raven 	Nothing will stop me from having the perfect, perfect school year.
[From the nearby door, two mysterious observers - Shinji Yuu and "Chase" - are commenting on the events that just unfolded.] 	[From the nearby door, two mysterious observers - Shinji Yuu and "Chase" - are commenting on the events that just unfolded.]
Shinji Yuu 	Wow. I guess she was stronger than I thought. What do you think, Chase?
["Chase" is just a real-life human adult with long brown hair, a beard and mustache, poorly chroma-keyed into the shot.] 	["Chase" is just a real-life human adult with long brown hair, a beard and mustache, poorly chroma-keyed into the shot.]
"Chase" 	Eh? Oh, sorry, I wasn't paying attention.
[End of episode 1.] 	[End of episode 1.]