Blood 49

Chapter 49
Kahlan and Adie are hatching some sort of plan. We learn – again – that Lunetta is always touching her Force, and Adie says this is so unusual that Lunetta has to have some sort of physical talisman to maintain it. They're not sure why she would be doing such a thing, but it can't be good news, so Our Heroines have devised a cunning plan.
Brogan and Lunetta enter the room, and Khlan spits at him, calling him a “greasy little nick,” which is an insult I've never seen before. Sounds vaguely racist, but a quick Google search reveals nothing. Kahlan then kicks him in the fork of his legs. Strangely enough, Lunetta, who has magical control over both Kahlan and Adie via their collars, does absolutely nothing.
Adie bonks her on the head with a piece of firewood, then rips off her patchwork garment and throws it into the fireplace as Brogan and Kahlan keep fighting. As the . . . coat, or whatever . . . burns, Lunetta suddenly turns into “an attractive, older woman” instead of being squat and ugly.
Remember how Richard liked Lunetta's “innocent eyes?” Remember how she's a victim of her abusive brother? Of course she can't really be ugly. Only evil people are ugly. Good people are always pretty, no exceptions. \~/
Lunetta panics and tries futilely to save her clothes, while Brogan takes time out from fighting Kahlan to insult and belittle his sister, then punch her. Because assaulting your ally in mid-combat is just brilliant tactics. Kahlan attacks Brogan, who screams and throws lighting at her. OMG, Brogan has magic! What a shocking twist!
Brogan and Lunetta have a heart-to-heart chat that reveals nothing interesting except that Lunetta always knew Brogan had magic, and Brogan is completely bonkers. He declares that he's going to kick out God and take over, so Lunetta lasers him through the heart. Seconds later, Galtero pops up out of nowhere and kills Lunetta, followed a sentence later by Kahlan killing Galtero.
Well, that was anticlimactic.
Kahlan and Adie bail, because Lunetta has removed the magical shield that was preventing them from leaving. Why she did this I have no – oh wait, because the plot requires it; of course. \~/
And it turns out Lunetta also killed the two Nuns that were guarding them. Because . . . um . . .
\~/\~/
Because.
Anyway. Back to Hypocrite and her slaves, who are somehow in the vaults beneath the Big Stone Witch House. They're confronted by Sister Becky (the pregnant Nun you've no doubt completely forgotten about), so Hypocrite dildos her to death. Yep, Hypocrite just murdered a pregnant woman in cold blood. \~/
Zedd is naturally aghast, and Hypocrite, true to her name, tries to pin all the blame on him. Her reasoning is thus: she ordered the Nuns to leave, so any Nuns who are still here must be Bad Nuns. Since Zedd wouldn't allow her to check the IM book to see if her orders had been carried out, any Nuns who die are on his conscience. Not, y'know, hers, since she stuck a death dildo into the woman.
Good ol' Hypocrite, reminding me of why I hate her so much. \~/\~/
There's about a page of technobabble, or whatever the fantasy equivalent is, about the spell that slows the aging of everyone in the Big Stone Witch House. Hypocrite has brought Zedd here to destroy that spell. Zedd develops a case of inconvenient morals and refuses to do so, claiming that the spell is a work of art, and that, while Hypocrite has broken the truce between the Nuns and the American wizards, they're in Europe now and Zedd has no reason to do this.
Hypocrite reminds Zedd that she abducted him, broke the truce, and has generally been a right bitch, and he has every reason to be mad at her. Zedd's response is “You've been using devious tricks and sly deception to try to convince me you're a vile, contemptible, immoral malefactor, but you have failed to fool me. You are not the evil sort.”
Gonna have to disagree with you there, Zedd.
Hypocrite admits that she's been deliberately goading Zedd and trying to keep him angry. Jagang intends to take over the Big Stone Witch House and rule from there forever, or at least for a few millenia, and there's a prophecy that the spell can only be destroyed by “a wizard [. . .]in fury.” Zedd is instantly all smiles and friends, declaring that “I like a woman who can appreciate the occasional need for acts of desperation. Shows spirit.”
Hypocrite, Nathan and Creepy Little Girl hide around the corner while Zedd tries to destroy the spell (opr the “node,” as we're now calling it). Creepy Little Girl retroactively likes Zedd and knew all along he wasn't really angry . . . even though he sure as hell seemed angry, and had every right to be angry. I guess Zedd doesn't really care if random people kidnap him, enslave him, drag him hundreds of miles away from where he wants to be, and prevent him from aiding and protecting his friends and his grandson. \~/
Zedd reappears. He wasn't able to destroy the node, so he left a bunch of magical traps, including a “light web,” which is apparently a triggered fire spell. Since he's now bestest buddies with Hypocrite, the lot of them skedaddle and the chapter ends.
Drinks: 8
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