Stinging a Stinger/Episode transcript

This is the episode transcript for "Stinging a Stinger."
(Link is riding through the woods with Catherine, holding a flower.)
Link: Zelda loves me. She loves me not. She loves me. She loves me...not. Aw, stupid flower.
Old Man: (off-screen) Help! Somebody help me!
Link: Whoops, it's hero time!
Man 1: Give us all your money, old man!
Old Man: Please, leave me alone!
Man 2: Eh, who is that?
Link: You heard the gentleman, boys. Take a hike, or face me.
Man 1: You're asking for a headache, kid! (The man begins to attack Link but the young hero slashes his weapon in two) Huh? Where'd he--ugh! (The other half of his weapon falls on his head)
Link: Nighty night!
Man 3: Uh...I'll trap him against the tree! (throws his pitchfork, but Link cuts it in half as well)
Link: Split second reflexes, eh? Who's next?
Man 4: Not me, I'm getting out of here! 
Man 3: Me too! 
(Man 4 throws his weapon up in the air but ends up hitting himself with it while Man 3 trips over him)
Link: You ok, mister?
Sleezenose: Sleezenose's the name and peddling's my game. Many thanks, oh noble Lord.
Link: Call me Link.
Sleezenose: Behind you!
(Link zaps the rope that Man 1 was trying to use against Link)
Link: Slow learners.
Sleezenose: Say, you're one hot swordsman. Which reminds me, I have just the gift for you for saving my life. (Gets out a big box) Observe, noble sir. The world's most magnificent sword!
Link: Oh! It's beautiful!
Sleezenose: It's worth a kingdom in itself, but for you, a present.
Link: Oh, I couldn't.
Sleezenose: Please, honor an old man. Accept this humble gift.
Link: Well, ok. Oh, whoops. I forgot. I already have a sword.
Sleezenose: Here, I'll take your old one. You won't need it anymore.
Link: Gee, I don't know. It's been a pretty good sword.
Sleezenose: Yes, but this sword is much better. For instance, it makes whoever carries it irresistible to ladies. If you know what I mean.
Link: Even princesses?
Sleezenose: ESPECIALLY princesses.
Zelda: (from afar) Link, help me!
Link: It's a deal! Oh boy! (Link hands Sleezenose the Crissword and runs off to help Zelda)
Sleezenose: Heh, there's a sucker born every minute.
Man 1: Hey, we want a bonus. You didn't tell us how good he was!
Sleezenose: Alright, a bonus it is, but don't worry, without this sword, he'll never be that good again.
(Zelda is then seen running away from Patras that are chasing her)
Zelda: Eeh! Get away from me, you stupid Patra! Link! Link! Where are you?
Link: You called, fair princess? Ta-da! Your hero arrives!
(Patra is now shooting beams at Zelda who is still running)
Zelda: Ah! Spare me the drama and get to work, hero!
Link: But of course! Come and get me, bug eyes!
(Patra sends a beam at Link, who tries to block it with his sword but ends up breaking)
Link: Huh? (Patra sends more lightbeams at Link while the young hero tries to evade them but one of them hits Link and collapses) Oof!
Zelda: Link, what happened? (goes over to Link and tries to scare away the Patras) Get away, you gross things!
Link: (looks at the broken sword) I've been robbed...stun! This sword is a fake! Aw, now we're really in trouble.
Zelda: You're not kidding. Look!
Link: Uh-oh, it's Ganon! (Ganon appears with two Moblins at his side)
Ganon: Take them!
(in the Underworld, Link and Zelda are tied up against a wall)
Ganon: Aha ha ha ha! At last, I have you both! There'll be no one to rescue you. Actually, now that I have you, your father will be forced to turn the Triforce, and his kingdom, over to me!
Zelda: What happened? You should have saved me, that's your job! Where'd you get that crummy sword?
Link: Uh...well...
(A Moblin comes and delivers a message to Ganon)
Ganon: Very well! Show him in. 
(Sleezenose comes in)
Link: You! You fraud! Where's my sword?
Sleezenose: My sword now, my boy! Tough luck. Sleezenose's the name and peddling's my game. Wanna buy a sword?
Ganon: Hmmm...perhaps. Let me see it.
(Ganon tries to grab it but Sleezenose backs away)
Sleezenose: Oh no, first we deal.
Ganon: How much?
Sleezenose: For you, 1000 Rubies.
Ganon: What?! Outrageous! Seize him!
(Moblins rush in to grab him by the arms)
Sleezenose: Wait! I'll take 500! How about 250!
(A Moblin takes the sword away and gives it to Ganon)
Ganon: How about zero! Throw him to Gohma, then those two! And now I have all I need to get the Triforce and conquer the kingdom! Hyrule is mine! Aha ha ha ha ha!
(Zelda, Link, and Sleezenose are being taken to Gohma's lair by two Moblins)
Sleezenose: Wait. How would you guys like a free [?] crystal ball with [?]. Or, uh, A lifetime's subscription to Wizard Weekly!
Link: Oh, pipe down, you old conman. You're getting what you deserve. If you hadn't cheated me out of my sword, none of us would be here now.
Zelda: Both of you, stop arguing and start thinking about dinner! We're the main course, remember?
Link: How about a kiss as an early dessert?
Zelda: Ugh, we're about to be crab bait and he's feeling romantic!
(Moblins open the gate to Gohma's lair and push the three of them in)
Link: Uh-oh, there's Gohma! We've gotta find some weapons, and fast! Empty your pockets!
Sleezenose: No!
Link: Have it your way, then! (Link grabs Sleezenose by the foot and holds him upside down to drop his items from his pockets)
Zelda: (Gets a rope from her pouch) I have a rope!
Link: Good. I've got one magic boomerang. It won't stop Gohma, but it's something. Let's see what this [?] has. Ah, lockpicks!
(Gohma comes in closer)
Link: Quick, take these and try to open the gate. Zelda and I will try to hold off Gohma.
(Gohma attacks them but they evade it)
Link: Lasso that creature, Zelda!
Zelda: Right!
(Zelda ties the rope around one of Gohma's horns. Gohma pulls her in and starts to spin her around the room)
Zelda: Ah! Remind me to never listen to you!
Link: Hey, excuuuuse me, princess. It's all part of the plan! 
(Link throws a boomerang at one of the large stalactites, which causes it to break and fall on top of Gohma. Zelda continues to spin around until all of the rope is tied around Gohma)
Zelda: Ugh... Oh... I feel nauseous.
Link: See, it worked? How about a ki--
Zelda: Don't...even say it, buster. C'mon!
Link: Hm... Excuse me, princess.
(Sleezenose opens the lock)
Sleezenose: Hah, now's my chance. I can escape and lock them both inside.
Link: You were saying?
Sleezenose: Uh, I was saying the gate's open. Let's get out of here!
Link: That's better.
Zelda: C'mon, we have to figure out a way to stop Ganon.
(In North Castle)
Zelda: What shall we do, Triforce of Wisdom? Ganon's got Link's Crissword now. How can we stop him?
Triforce of Wisdom: When magical means will not suffice, use natural means as your device.
Link: Huh? What do you mean?
Spryte: Are you dense, or what?
Zelda: Spryte! Do you know what the Triforce is talking about?
Spryte: Sure. You see, Ganon has more magic than we do right now, we can't fight him with magic. We have to use natural weapons.
Zelda: You mean, like bugs and stuff?
Spryte: Exactly.
Link: That's it, princess!
Zelda: Let's go, hero!
(Sleezenose tries to get away but Link grabs him)
Sleezenose: Hey, what the!
(Zelda and Link give Sleezenose protection so that he can grab a bee's nest. They then place catapult outside the castle walls, and Sleezenose places the next in there. Link gets some ants form underneath a rock and Zelda puts them in a box, while Sleezenose gets another beehive and places it in another box. Finally, Link ties a rope on a tree's branch. Link looks through a telescope and sees Ganon riding on top of his Lowder with two Stalfos and two Moblins)
Link: He's coming!
(Sleezenose approaches Ganon with a white flag)
Sleezenose: Wait, oh a great one!
Ganon: What are YOU doing here! You're supposed to be crabfood by now!
Sleezenose: I got away. Then I came back here to get you a present, your evilness.
Ganon: A present, for me? Why?
Sleezenose: I want to join your ranks. Be part of the winning team. May I?
Ganon: We'll see! What's the present?
Sleezenose: The Triforce of Wisdom, your grossness! I offer it to you as a symbol of my loyalty.
(Sleezenose gives him a box and walks away from Ganon)
Ganon: The Triforce of Wisdom?! (Bees fly out from the box and begin to sting Ganon and his minions) What? What?! Ow! I'll get you for this, old man!
(Link swings using the rope and takes the Crissword from Ganon's hands)
Ganon: Hey!
Link: Mine, I think. Thanks.
Ganon: I'll zap you good!
(Zelda launches another beehive using the catapult and lands on Ganon)
Ganon: Hey! Bees! Retreat! Retreat!
(Ganon and his minions run away)
Link: Buzz off, Ganon!
Zelda: We did it! Kiss me!
Link: I'd bee glad to, honey.
Zelda: Ugh...I HATE bad puns.
Link: Aw, c'mon, princess. Hey, where's Sleezenose? Oh no, the Triforce of Wisdom! We left it unguarded!
(In the Triforce of Wisdom room)
Link: It's gone! That rotten scoundrel, he stun me again!
Zelda: (laughs) Not really.
Link: What are you talking about?
Zelda: Just this.
(Zelda lifts up the Triforce of Wisdom that was hidden beneath Link's dirty clothes)
Link: The Triforce! But, you mean Sleezenose didn't steal it?
Zelda: Oh he thought he did. But I knew we shouldn't trust him.
(Link and Zelda look out the window)
Zelda: So I had Spryte cast a spell over that box with the ant hill in it. Look!
(Sleezenose is running away with the supposed Triforce of Wisdom, but then it turns out into a plain box. He opens it and ants begin to swarm over him)
Sleezenose: Ow! Ants! Ow ow ow.
Zelda: And that, Link, is how you sting a stinger. (Link and Zelda laugh)