Golfpecks256 Reviews 3

Golfpecks256 Reviews #3 is the 73rd episode of Wait Wut and the ninth episode of season four. It is a sequel to both Golfpecks256 Reviews #1 and Golfpecks256 Reviews #3.
== Transcript ==
[The short opens with Golfpecks sitting at his desk in his business suit. He eats a strawberry.]
Golfpecks: Mwah, perfection. It's such a beautiful day. I should go and do something productive, like harassing teenagers on that Discord server of mine. But first, TV time!
[He switches the TV on to a preschool channel.]
Golfpecks: Oh boy, Octonauts!
[Polar falls off a ladder and into the room through the window.]
Golfpecks: (screams) PRESIDENTIAL HARASSMENT!
Polar: (picks herself up) Okay, so I know what you're thinking-
Golfpecks: That I should call the police on you for breaking into my house?
Polar: Well yes, but also that we need to make a new Golfpecks256 Reviews right now!
[Pause.]
Golfpecks: We need to make a new what now?
Polar: You know… Golfpecks256 Reviews.
[Pause.]
Golfpecks: Oh, you mean that stupid thing you're always pestering me about!
Polar: Yeah yeah yeah! It's been three years since the first episode, we really should make another one.
Golfpecks: But we did make another one.
Polar: Yeah but that was last year, I'm talking about a new one this year. And this time we should probably actually review something too.
Golfpecks: Well, like what? I might be able to fit room in my schedule to go over the stock market.
Polar: Eh, I was thinking something a little more… musical.
[Aaron, Bot, Vanessa and CrazySponge burst through the door. Aaron is holding several CDs.]
Aaron: I hope you like Weezer.
[Golfpecks slowly starts violently shaking. He turns red and slaps the CDs out of Aaron's hands.]
Golfpecks: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
[Timejump to Golfpecks sitting at his desk facing the viewer, calm now. There is also now a rectangular blue border around the screen.]
Golfpecks: (makes a waving motion) Hey all, Golf here, and don't you just hate it when a group of communist fools tie you up and force you to listen to alternative rock?
[Flashback to Golfpecks being tied up on his desk, the others from earlier surround him.]
Vanessa: Happens to the best of us, mate.
CrazySponge: yeah, aaron does it to me all the time
Golfpecks: I knew we could never trust the British.
Polar: It's actually "Bri'ish", without the T.
Golfpecks: I thought you guys loved tea.
SpongeBot: My iced tea always looks like piss.
[Timejump back to Golfpecks at his desk addressing the viewer. Pictures and videos show up on the screen related to what he is describing.]
Golfpecks: You see, music has been around since the early Stone Age and has been causing Tinnitus, headaches and hearing loss for the American population and the world for millions of years. In fact, there are 430 million people with hearing loss all around the world! That's more people than the people killed by Hitler! And who do we have to blame for this? Music.
[Flashback.]
SpongeBot: I mean we can't blame music for all of those cases, the vast majority even.
Vanessa: Some people are just born deaf, right?
Golfpecks: Shut up. I knew you fools would succumb to the enemy of the people, but mark my words - one day you'll understand! One day you'll be enlightened by the truth!
Aaron: Okay, Golfy, time for your first song.
CrazySponge: what do we have?
Aaron: Can't Stop Partying by Weezer.
Vanessa: Classic.
Golfpecks: No! You'll never make me listen to it! You'll never make me-
[Aaron places headphones on Golfpecks with the song blasting at full volume. He screams. Timejump to him at the desk again.]
Can't Stop Partying - Weezer (2009)
Golfpecks: That song was vile, too music-y for me. And the lyrics are so misleading - you can stop partying whenever you want! It's not like partying is a drug, unlike cannabis, which should be legal by the way.
[Flashback.]
CrazySponge: based golfpecks
Polar: Daddy Derek would be proud.
Golfpecks: Who's Daddy Derek?
Polar: Long story.
Golfpecks: Why was naive little Mr. Cuomo partying anyway? It's unproductive.
Aaron: Because normal people like partying.
Golfpecks: Are you saying I'm not normal?
SpongeBot: This is the SpongeBob Fanon Wiki mate, we're all freaks.
Aaron: Next song!
[Timejump.]
All My Favorite Songs - Also Weezer
Golfpecks: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS HE DOING TRYING TO MAKE HIS WAY THROUGH HELL?!!!
[Flashback.]
Aaron: Golf, I think it's a metaphor for depres-
Golfpecks: WHY WOULD YOU INTENTIONALLY TRY AND GET INTO HELL?! THIS SONG IS MORE SATANIST THAN THE GRINCH!!!
[Pause.]
Vanessa: The Grinch?
Golfpecks: Yeah.
Vanessa: ...you're saying that The Grinch is satanist?
Golfpecks: Well of course, he stole Christmas - that's the most Christian holiday of all!
[Timejump.]
Tired of Sex - Also Also Weezer (1996)
Golfpecks: Huh… I never thought I'd say it but these lyrics really speak some truths. Sexual reproduction can cause all kinds of bad things like swollen breasts, nausea, vomiting, increased urination, fatigue, bloating-
[Timejump.]
Vanessa: Mr. Pecks, those are all symptoms of pregnancy.
Golfpecks: Simply ridiculous, my mother said she came down with all them and more before I was born, and she would never abstain from abstinence!
Aaron: Golf, that's how people are born, though having sex.
Golfpecks: Impossible!
Aaron: What, do you think your parents were cuddling one night and poof - it's a boy?!
Golfpecks: Look, can we just skip this conversation and move onto the next song please?
SpongeBot: Huh, I never thought I'd see the day when Golfpecks wants to listen to music.
Golfpecks: That's not what I meant! 
Polar: Why don't we try something by Ariana Grande or someone next?
Golfpecks: I hate that person, she keeps spreading false rumours around that God is a woman. Unless He secretly went through hormonal replacement therapy after the Bible was written, those claims are, like Biden always says, wrong. 
Vanessa: What other music do you like, Jess?
[Timejump.]
It's Bugsnax! - Kero Kero Bonito (2020)
Golfpecks: On second thought maybe cannabis shouldn't be legal.
[Flashback.]
Polar: Fuck you.
CrazySponge: LIGHTING ROUND!
Golfpecks: wait wu-
[Timejump.]
I'm Back - Pope White Duck (Also 2020)
Golfpecks: She's back? Wh- where'd she go?
pink diamond- Charli XCX (Also Also 2020)
Golfpecks: I don't know why, but I get the feeling she wants to go real hard.
[Flashback.]
SpongeBot: Eh.
Aaron: What do you think of the album cover, Golfpecks?
Golfpecks: I haven't looked actua- (he glances at the CD cover) GOOD GRIEF SHE'S NAKED!
[He grabs the bowl of strawberries and shoves them all in his mouth. Timejump.]
Two Trucks- Lemon Demon (2013)
Golfpecks: Those poor little trucks…
[Flashback.]
Golfpecks: Well okay, all listening to all that noise taught me was that music is indeed the enemy of the people.
CrazySponge: aw come on! you havent even listened to any of my songs yet!
Vanessa: (holding the CDs) But Aidan, this is just the Minecraft soundtrack.
CrazySponge: ikr, i only listen to real music
SpongeBot: I want that blasting full volume from my Cars CD player when I get laid.
CrazySponge: give this a try
[CrazySponge puts the Minecraft soundtrack on for Golfpecks.]
Halland - Johan Johnson (2020)
[Golfpecks stands there with his arms folded. After a few seconds, his frown slowly lightens up and turns into a smile.]
Golfpecks: This… this… this… this is actually really nice and soothing!
CrazySponge: wait wu-
Golfpecks: You know what?! As of today, May 18 2021, MUSIC WILL BE OFFICIALLY RE-CLASSIFIED AS "NEUTRAL."  Music will no longer be classed as "THE ENEMY OF PRODUCTIVITY," that title officially goes to the Apple iPhone, Social Media industry, the Dark Web and the Internet, although music is still a minor-to-significant threat. Feel free to spread the word. (he grabs the CD from CrazySponge) I must tell everyone about this joyous Mein Kampf CD!
CrazySponge: minecraft
[Golfpecks runs off.]
Golfpecks: Hey everyone! Everyone!
Vanessa: ...just to be clear, you all saw that too, right?
Aaron: Yep. Who knew it'd Minecraft that would make him change his tune, pun intended.
SpongeBot: Just don't tell him it's from a video game.
Polar: (pats everyone on the back) We did good everyone, we did good.
[Police sirens are heard from outside.]
Polar: We guys brought your bikes, right?
SpongeBot: wait wut
Category:2021
Category:2021 Episodes
Category:2021 Transcripts
Category:2021 Shorts
Category:Shorts
Category:Episodes
Category:Transcripts
Category:Episode transcripts
Category:Wait Wut
Category:Wait Wut Episodes
Category:Thatjess
Category:Episodes written by Thatjess
Category:Golfpecks256 Reviews
Category:PI
Category:2020s