Transcripts 2005-08

Transcripts from August 2005 strips.
==August 1==
Panel 1Nathan walks toward a wall of tapes with a determined look in his eye.Nathan (thinking): I know what I have to do! I have to find the log tape just before the Oracle started re-writing its OS. For one I've always wanted to know how it managed to do that, and it might shed some light to what's going on now! I just have to find the right tape...Panel 2View from behind Nathan as he stares up at the huge wall of tapes at least twice his height.Panel 3Close-up of Nathan with a sad face, lip trembling. The Chicken is in silhouette behind him.Nathan: *WHIMPER*
==August 2==
Panel 1Top of a shaking ladder.Nathan (off-panel): *Grunt!* Come on ya piece of crap!Panel 2The ladder unfolds with a CLACK!Nathan (thinking, off-panel): I should really use The Chicken to get hold of the tapes on the top row, but going in and out of the safe will take forever and there's no WAY I'm I using that thing while I'm in here!Panel 3Camera zooms out to show Nathan standing precariously on the ladder, reaching for a tape from the top of the tape wall while holding onto the top of the ladder for dear life. Both Nathan and the ladder are shaking violently.Nathan (thinking): I may be many things, but at least I'm not THAT stupid and reckless...
==August 3==
Panel 1Nathan is standing on the ladder and holding the top while staring at the tape wall (off-panel, behind the camera).Nathan (thinking): Right, I can cut the workload right down if I think about this. Anything before 2003 is too early, 2004 is too late. So it must be in the late end of the 2003 rack!Panel 2Close-up of a security camera reflecting Nathan in its lens.Nathan (thinking): So it's one of these three! Damn I'm good!Panel 3Close-up of the urn on top of the Oracle's tower, with its plaque showing "CHRISTOPHER REED 1977-2003"Nathan (thinking, off-panel): I wish someone could see me now!
==August 4==
The Church of Poisoned Minds
Panel 1Extremely simple black-and-white lineart comic. Al is distressed.Al (thinking): SHIT! SHIT! It's 4:30 in the morning and I've still not done the strip! Think of something funny to say! QUICK! Um... Um...Panel 2Al shouts in a panic.Al: SOMNOLENT!Panel 3Al immediately falls asleep standing up as evident by a large "Z" balloon, drool dripping from his open mouth.Al (thinking): Fuck it! That'll do!
==August 5==
Flash Animation (backup)A white button marked "PLAY" appears. Clicking the button starts the animation.A close-up of Chris's urn as it appears on the Oracle's tower. The camera zooms out while keeping centered on the urn.The scene fades to the control panel by the entrance to the Jukebox. Next to the control panel is a large note reading, "BEWARE OF THE CHICKEN!" At the top of the panel is a label reading, "BISHOP INC" and at the bottom is a larger label reading, "WARNING! Ensure robotic arm is OFF before entering safe and ensure that no persons are in the safe before reactivating arm!" In the center is a large red button (lit) and a green light (off).The camera zooms in on the panel. After a moment, the red light flickers off with an electric hum, briefly dimming the ambient light as it does, before the green light turns on with a "click" sound.The scene changes to show the Chicken in a neutral position, before it suddenly jerks upright and retracts its claw. The camera zooms in dramatically on the claw as it snaps closed, as though it is an angry chicken getting ready to attack.
==August 8==
Panel 1Nathan is reaching for a tape but looks to the side (into the camera) as he hears the Chicken making the "HISSSST! HISST! WHIRRRRRRR!" noises from the previous day's animation.Nathan: ?Panel 2Close-up as Nathan turns to face the camera, wide-eyed with fright as he reflexively covers his face with his arm.Nathan: OH SH—Panel 3The camera is viewing the tape wall as the Chicken slides in from the right side (claw facing the tape wall), slamming into the ladder with a BAM! and causing Nathan to fall face-first toward the ground.Nathan: —IT!
==August 9==
Panel 1Close-up on Nathan as he lands on his chest with a CRACK! sound, his arm protecting his face.Panel 2The camera rotates to view the opposite side of the room from the tape wall to show Nathan struggling to push himself up off the floor, a hand over his eyes. A stray tape lies on the floor near him.Panel 3The Chicken swings back (again from the right, but with the claw facing the camera) and hits Nathan directly in the back of his head with a SMACK! and smashing his headphones as his eyes bug out from the shock.
==August 10==
Panel 1Darkness.?: Oh... he's coming to!?: Finally! I was starting to worry! I mean that was quite a knock he took!?: Call the doctor or something.?: Okay! Okay!Panel 2Through the darkness, a light shaped like an opening eye appears, with a blurry face visible.Voice: Nathan?Voice: Can you hear me Mr GoodwinThis is likely an alias given by GCHQ, as Nathan calls himself "Ward" in his journal, and the Governor also calls him "Ward" to Brain.?Panel 3Red is looking down into the camera with a pleasant smile.Red: Ah, welcome back to the land of the living!
==August 11==
The Church of Poisoned Minds
Panel 1Black-and-white monochrome comic. Al is looking down at a book, somewhat disappointed.Caption (Al): There's a new version of the Oxford English Dictionary out, which is the UK's unofficially official standard of the English language, and some researchers with too much time on their hands have noticed that contemporary English now provides 350 insults, but only 40 complimentary expressions listed in this book.Panel 2Al looks up from the book and into the camera.Caption (Al): Does this mean that the English are a negative race? Maybe it's because putdowns are more effective with you're armed with a more versatile vocabulary, which isn't needed when you want do say "well done".Panel 3Al looks at the book again.Caption (Al): Or maybe it's because Oxford University Press have long since known that the first thing anyone does when they pick up a dictionary is look for all the naughty words they can think of!
==August 12==
Panel 1Nathan is topless and lying in a hospital bed with a bandage around his forehead as he squints.Red (off-panel): You gave us quite a scare Nathan! You've been unconscious for well over an hour! We even had time to do a MRI scan while you were out, and luckily we couldn't see anything worrying.Nathan: huh?Nathan: owww!Panel 2Close-up of Red.Red: Oh and try not to talk. You've also got a cracked rib! I forgot to mention that!Panel 3Side view of Nathan in bed, head propped up with two pillows as he slams his eyes shut. Red stands over him, grinning.Red: We want to keep you in for observation anyway, but it's not all bad. The food is good here. Tonight it's chicken!Nathan: aaaa!
==August 15==
Panel 1Side view of Nathan lying in a hospital bed, cringing in pain.Red (off-panel): It's a good job you were wearing protective headgear you know! With a blow like that you're lucky to get away with just concussion and not a fractured skull!Nathan (thinking): Protective headgear? What the hell is she talking about? The only things on my head were...Panel 2Same as panel 1, but Nathan has opened his eyes and looks depressed.Nathan (thinking): My headphones! Shit! I be they're buggered now! For the amount they cost I wish I did have a fractured skull! I feel naked without them and my glasses!Panel 3Same as panel 2 but Nathan is tilting his head forward slightly, looking down at his body.Nathan (thinking): Come to mention it, the fact I'm apparently wearing nothing but a couple of bandages, makes me feel just a little bit exposed!
==August 16==
Sticky the Stick Man
Header(scribbled) Sticky the Stick Man (TM) Do Not StealPanel 1A crude stick figure (Sticky) standing next to a very small "HeusE" with chimney with smoke coming out of it (all presumably in the background).Sticky: Hello fuckers! Long time no see huh?Panel 2Sticky is pointing to the right and is next to a small "TREE" (in the background).Stick: I'm here because the dip-shit that draws this crap managed to slice his finger open on a can of Red Bull while doing the recycling!Panel 3Sticky grins widely. In the background is a "Tree Houe" (the house from panel 1 on top of the tree from panel 2).Sticky: Now the clumsy cunt can't bend his index finger due to the dressing on it so he can't draw! I say he can't when his finger is fine, but at least this has stopped him playing with himself!
==August 17==
Panel 1Red is touching the top of the camera and shining a light into it.Nathan (thinking, off-panel): How the hell did I end up here? Not just in hospital with a lump on my head but everything in general. Was this really all worth skipping a few months jail time?Panel 2The camera rotates to show Red has her hand on Nathan's eyelid and is shining the light into one of his eyes as Nathan lies back and thinks of England.Nathan (thinking): I mean I like the regular money and getting paid to do something I love, but I never get to enjoy the cash.Nathan (thinking): I miss being able to go out and have a few drinks! And sex! God I miss sex! Someone please, just tell me things are going to look up!Panel 3Red stands back, arms behind her back as she smiles politely. Nathan looks disgusted.Red: All done now Mr Goodwin! I'll be back later, but now some of your friends from your office would like to see you! I'm sure that'll cheer you up!Nathan: . . . .
==August 18==
Panel 1Kevin is standing at Nathan's bed, arms behind his back and with a huge grin. Nathan looks depressed.Kevin: Hello Naps! I bought you a get well present!Panel 2Same as panel 1, but Nathan is side-eying Kevin, looking into the camera.Nathan: Is it poultry related by any chance?Panel 3Kevin looks away, as though trying not to laugh. Nathan scowls at him.Maaaaayyybe!
==August 19==
Panel 1Kevin holds up one of his hands, which has an orange-and-yellow bottle in it.Kevin: Hehe, aw I wouldn't do that to ya! I bought you a bottle of Lucozade! Nothing chicken related!Panel 2Close-up of Nathan, who closes his eyes in relief.Nathan: Thank you! I know you wouldn't sink to the levels all the other bastards will when I get back to work! I know you're too mature for that!Panel 3Same as panel 3, but Nathan is scowling at Kevin's other hand holding a plush chicken in Nathan's face.Kevin: Why thank you! did you know that I'm a really good liar too? BAAARRRKK! BUK! BUK!
==August 22==
Panel 1The Governor stands with a neutral expression facing Red, who is smiling at him politely. A blurry (too small to read) informational poster is on the back wall.Governor: So he's going to be okay?Red: Yes! We're keeping him here over night for observation only as a precaution.Panel 2Same as panel 1, but the Governor looks relieved.Governor: That's good to hear.Panel 3The Governor storms toward the right (presumably toward Nathan's room). Red jumps in shock.Governor: BECAUSE I WANT TO KILL THE LITTLE BASTARD!
==August 23==
Panel 1Red glares over her shoulder in the direction the Governor left. On the back wall are three signs: (Nor?)th Exit, (?) Rooms →, and (?) Rooms ↑Red (thinking): Great! A Screamer! Well I'll think I'll report him to security before I head back to the wards. Its not like I have anything better to do is it? Sheesh!Panel 2Red walks into Brain's chest with a BUMP!Panel 3The camera pans out to show that Brain is more than a head taller than Red. She looks up at him in trepidation.Brain: Please stay here miss. The governor would like a word with you later.Red (thinking): eep!
==August 24==
Panel 1Kevin is sitting? next to Nathan's bed with a glower on his face. Nathan looks exhausted.Kevin: Seriously now, what the hell were you doing inside the jukebox today?Nathan: I was looking for any traces or clues to who the hell is screwing around with our set-up, so you'll stop suspecting me of doing it and leave me to do my job! I think I found it too, just before someone turned that damn robot arm back on!Panel 2Kevin looks solemn as he straightens his tie. Nathan grins at him.Kevin: Hey! I know it's not you! I'll have you know that I fully trust you!Nathan: I thought you said you were a good liar Kevin!
==August 25==
The Church of Poisoned Minds
Panel 1Black-and-white monochrome comic. A sheaf of paper being held up with only the holder's thumb visible otherwise. Other pages folded back behind the top page are visible off the side.Text: On your death, would you like to be:□ Buried□ Cremated□ Cremated, mixed with explosives and then fired from a 153-foot cannon in the shape of a two thumbed fist?Panel 2Al has very short hair (nearly bald) and is wearing large sunglasses, a cigarette holder in his mouth. He is contemplating the words on the paper in his hand. There is a tiny bat in the lower left corner.Al: hummm...
(normal comic)
Panel 1Kevin thinks to himself, clasping his chin.Kevin: Humm, yeah, about The Chicken starting up while you where in the safe. That thing has always been lethal, but recently I swear that thing actually goes after people!Panel 2Kevin is sitting by Nathan's bed, grumbling as Nathan complains.Nathan: The whole system is fucked! Why the hell are we still using it?Kevin: While it's still giving out the address of every fanatic and nut-ball who's ever even thought about making a bomb, they'll never let us shut it down. Especially now.Panel 3Same as panel 2, but Kevin gives Nathan a suspicious look, to Nathan's distress.Nathan: Can't they live without it for a few months so we can look at it properly?Kevin: Oh come on! You know as well as I that if it doesn't have a hook, one eye and a towel on its head, it's going to slip past our clowns!
==August 29==
Panel 1Brain looks down at Red, who glares at him in anger.Red: Let me pass right NOW!Brain: Sorry Doc, the governor said to keep you here until he's had a word.Panel 2Close-up of Red looking even angrier.Red: How about I scream at the top of my lungs and get security down here? What are you going to do about that?Panel 3Brain's hand clamps Red's muzzle shut, to her chagrin.Red (thinking): Good answer!
==August 30==
The Church of Poisoned Minds
Panel 1Black-and-white monochrome comic. Slot (fruit) machines.Caption (Al): Before I start this little story, please note that I never gamble. EVER!Caption (Al): Especially when it comes to fruit machines, because I know how fixed they are.Panel 2Al is looking at a slot machine.Caption (Al): So while having a wonder I ended up in the arcade I used to work at, mainly to see how bad the place had got. All of a sudden the mood takes me to use a machine so I decided uncharacteristically to blow a whole quid! The weird part was picking the machine to put my precious pound coin in.Al: !Panel 3Camera rotates 180 degrees to show Al facing the opposite direction, touching a slot machine with a BINK!Caption (Al): After walking past other flashy machines... SOMETHING pulled me towards a rather bland Number on the side. So I put my faith in my gut feeling and put in my coin. Ten spins, 2 jackpots and other assorted wins later, I'm £12.40 up! No punch line today. I'm just a little freaked out by the experience. Make of it what you will!Machine: £
==August 31==
Panel 1Kevin is sitting by Nathan's bed, shrugging, as Nathan scowls at him.Nathan: You're pretty calm about all this. How's the boss taking all of this?Kevin: He seemed pretty pissed off, but he should have calmed down by now.Panel 2Panel 1, but both Kevin and Nathan have eyes wide with shock and have turned to silhouettes against a solid deep red background.Governor (off-panel): WHERE IS HE? I'M GOING TO KILL HIM!Panel 3Kevin waves and moves to back away as Nathan glares at him.Kevin: Or maybe not! Oh look at the time! Best I'd be off! Ta ta! Tell me how it goes!
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