Michael Scott Paper Company Quotes

:Michael: It's Britney, bitch. 
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:Jim: The new receptionist is also named Kelly - so, Kelly Kapoor has decided to hover around my desk, so that she can run into Charles's office every time he calls for Kelly. She thinks if she says "you wanted me" enough, he will, in fact, want her...It's not the worst plan she's ever had.
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:Charles: I'm gonna call you "Kapoor", and you, "Hannon"
:Erin: If we're changing names, can I be "Erin"? That's my middle name.
:Charles: "Erin"? OK - that's...very pretty.
:Kelly: Well, you know what my middle name is? Rajnigandha - and I hate it...I HATE it!!!
:Kevin: I thought Rajnigandha was a boy's name.
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:Pam: I make that one copy, and I become the girl who makes copies, and by the end of the day I'm receptionist again. And the worst part is, I like making copies. The paper comes out all warm and stuff. And it's cold in there. Cause it's technically a closet.
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:Dwight: Yes, I am taking Andy hunting after work. Not long ago we were sexual competitors. I used to hate him, hate him, hate him, hate him. I studied him, to figure out why I hated him so much. But that blossomed into a very real friendship, as these things often do.
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:Ryan: You should come into town this weekend man. Yeah, we'll hang out Scranton style.
:Michael: Hey you said you were gonna be out of town this weekend.
:Ryan: Please don't listen to my phone calls. Yeah, she's like um, she'd probably be a Six in New York, but she's like a Seven here in Scranton. And then uh, my boss is my old boss from Dunder Mifflin. It's a small space.
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:Charles: Hey Jim can I get a, um-
:Jim: Hi! [Awkwardly]
:Charles: Hi. I need a rundown of your clients, can you get that to me.
:Jim: Sure!
:Charles: Yeah.
:Jim: Okay.
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:Jim: What the hell's a rundown?
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:Pam: I don't want to look at your friend Jasmine's boobs all day.
:Ryan: You could be hot too if you made any effort. At all.
:Pam: Like how? Dyeing my hair blond?
:Ryan: This is from the sun.
:Pam: Oh yeah I bet.
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:Michael: They always say that it is a mistake to hire your friends and they are right! So, I hired my best friends. And this is what I get?
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:Dwight: Hey buddy, what are you up to?
:Andy: Um, nerthing?
:Dwight: Listen, when I saw you talking to Erin earlier, I noticed that your pupils dilated, and your skin flushed, and I'm assuming, a little bit of blood rushed into your penis.
:Andy: Pffft.
:Dwight: Well, a little bit of blood rushed into mine as well, so where does that leave us?
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:Michael: I once had a dream. That I was eating a peanut butter and tuna fish sandwich. And, let me tell you something it was delicious. So the next day, I decided to make that sandwich. And in real life it is disgusting. [The phone rings] It is a disgusting sandwich. 
Category:Season 5 quotes