Laugh Like Pee-wee (2013)

Laugh Like Pee-wee 2013 was the fourth installment of the annual Laugh Like Pee-wee event, held on January 26, 2013. The show was highlighted by the 30-man Laugh Like Pee-wee match, Chris Jericho defending the World Heavyweight Championship against DEFAULT in a Last Man Standing match, and Carlito putting the WWE Championship on the line against Prankster Ben, Prankster Skates, and Disco Drew in a Fatal 4-Way.
__TOC__
==Background==
30 men, one ring. In what is arguably the most star-studded Laugh Like Pee-wee match in history, 30 combatants will battle it out for the right to challenge the champion of their choosing at Diaz's Fuck Fest IX. J-Pac has vowed victory in this match, claiming that it will be the launching point of "his" year. Dynamite Derek and Kane Paul have been in a war of words over who will emerge victorious. While Kane is betting on himself, Derek insists that it will be none other than Sheamus O'Shaunessy. Walter P. Wiley was originally not scheduled to compete in the match-up, as he has recently been in a heated legal war with Commissioner Flair. However, Walter promised to drop the charges if Flair guaranteed him the opportunity to draw his Pee-wee number before anyone else. Ricardo Diaz has said that every year, he has done something special at The Fest. This year, he wants to be in the main event of his own show, and he will earn that opportunity by tossing 29 dickheads over the top rope. DCR has dedicated his victory in this match to his recuperating associate, JBL. Sgt. Slaughter won a 25-man battle royal at a Duran Duran concert for the opportunity to enter the Pee-wee. However, since he was already entered in the match, Commissioner Flair awarded the spot to a special celebrity guest who just so happened to be staying with him this month. Many competitors have giving compelling reasons for why they will win. Who will be the last man standing at Laugh Like Pee-wee?
At Dr. Meinheimer, the apparent friendship between DEFAULT and Chris Jericho crumbled when Jericho cashed in his Money in the Bank opportunity on the World Heavyweight Champion. Jericho told everyone that he couldn't believe they actually thought he would be friends with a freak like DEFAULT, and that the only thing BFF will ever mean to him is Best Freak Forever. DEFAULT told Jericho that he may be a freak, but at Laugh Like Pee-wee, he will be the Last Freak Standing when he wins back his World Heavyweight Title. Jericho has messed with the 'fault, and he may just wind up getting the horns at Laugh Like Pee-wee.
At the SvR06 Awards ceremony, The Pranksters dropped loads of apple sauce on Frozone. Whether the duo have their sights on the WWE Championship or just enjoy a good prank, they have both been granted a shot at the title at Laugh Like Pee-wee. Disco Drew demanded that Commissioner Flair cancel the match, as he felt it was unfair to Carlito to have to face two teammates. Flair listened to Disco's request, and told him that Carlito will have to defend his belt against three opponents instead. Flair chose the third man to be none other than Disco Drew, whom he told would prove just how loyal he really is at Laugh Like Pee-wee. Will Disco Drew stay loyal to his fro bro? Will The Pranksters be able to stay on the same page? Does Carlito have any chance in hell of leaving with the title? Does anybody know where I parked my car?
As the available spots in the 30-man Laugh Like Pee-wee match diminish, four men have been concerned about whether or not they will make the cut to enter the contest: Count Out, Goldust, Hurricane, and Super Sheik. Commissioner Flair decided that at the Laugh Like Pee-wee event, these four will meet in a WWE Tag Team Title match where the winning duo will also be granted entry into the Pee-wee. Count Out and Goldust's WPW partner Tajiri has already qualified for the match-up, but little is known about Walter P. Wiley's participation in the contest at this point.
After winning a 20-man battle royal at a Rush concert, Dusty Rhodes earned a shot at Sheamus' Intercontinental Title. Dusty has been hoping to join his friends The Pranksters in wearing championship gold, and stripping Sheamus of the right to call himself United-continental Champion would be an impactful way to start. Sheamus has stated that no fat arse in polka dots has a chance of taking either of his belts. Despite Sheamus' concerning obsession with the gluteal region, he will no doubt be facing Dusty Rhodes with the IC title up for grabs at Laugh Like Pee-wee.
At Dr. Meinheimer, Kingpin felt that he was robbed of his Million Dollar Title. Kingpin has recently begun sending his associates after Ultimate Warrior. However, they continue to fail him. Warrior has agreed to defend his title against Kingpin at Laugh Like Pee-wee. Only this time, he wants Kingpin to be the one who goes through a table.
==Results==
#	Results 	Stipulations
1	Sheamus (c) def. Dusty Rhodes 	Singles match for the Intercontinental Championship
2	The Kingpin def. Ultimate Warrior (c) 	Tables match for the Million Dollar Championship
3	The Justice Bros (Super Sheik & The Hurricane) def. WPW (Goldust & Count Out) (c) by countout	Tag team match for the WWE Tag Team Championship and entry into the 30-man Laugh Like Pee-wee match
4	Carlito (c) def. Prankster Ben, Prankster Skates, and Disco Drew 	Fatal 4-Way match for the WWE Championship
5	Chris Jericho (c) (with Mark Jindrak) def. DEFAULT (with Winslow J. Wiley) 	Last Man Standing match for the World Heavyweight Championship
6	Sheamus won by last eliminating Hogan 80's 	30-man Laugh Like Pee-wee match for a WWE or World Heavyweight Championship match at Diaz's Fuck Fest IX
Laugh Like Pee-wee entrances and eliminations
Draw	Entrant 	Order	Eliminated by 	Time 	Eliminations
1 	Walter P. Wiley 	1 	Big Show 	00:22	0
2 	Big Show 	17 	Ricardo Diaz 	19:58	7
3 	Razor Ramon 	7 	Kane Paul 	07:43	2
4 	The Undertaker 	2 	Coach D 	02:22	0
5 	The Kingpin 	8 	Big Show 	06:49	1
6 	Coach D 	5 	Big Show 	05:15	1
7 	Lex Luger 	3 	Razor Ramon & Kingpin 	01:51	0
8 	J-Pac 	4 	Big Show 	01:12	0
9 	Sgt. Slaughter 	9 	Super Sheik 	04:39	0
10 	Rey Mysterio 	6 	Razor Ramon 	01:56	0
11 	Kane Paul 	19 	Ricardo Diaz 	12:31	3
12 	Super Sheik 	11 	Big Show 	03:47	1
13 	British Bulldog 	10 	Tiger 	02:28	0
14 	Chewbacca 	13 	Tiger 	05:59	0
15 	Tiger 	15 	Kane Paul 	06:45	3
16 	"Macho Man" Randy Savage 	12 	Big Show 	03:14	0
17 	"Stone Cold" Steve Austin	16 	Big Show 	04:35	0
18 	King Hippo 	14 	Tiger 	01:12	0
19 	DCR 	26 	Hogan 80's 	09:46	3
20 	The Hurricane 	18 	Kane Paul 	02:49	0
21 	Tajiri 	20 	Sheamus & DCR 	03:33	0
22 	Ricardo Diaz 	22 	DCR & Dynamite Derek 	04:51	2
23 	Sheamus 	- 	Winner 	08:30	7
24 	Dynamite Derek 	23 	DCR & Dusty Rhodes 	02:18	2
25 	Earthquake 	21 	Sheamus & Dynamite Derek	00:34	0
26 	Dusty Rhodes 	27 	Sheamus & Bret Hart 	03:35	1
27 	Typhoon 	24 	Sheamus 	01:13	0
28 	Bret Hart 	28 	Hogan 80's & Sheamus 	03:07	1
29 	Ultimate Warrior 	25 	Sheamus 	01:00	0
30 	Hogan 80's 	29 	Sheamus 	04:00	2
Laugh Like Pee-wee kicked off with United-continental Champion Sheamus defending the Intercontinental half of his title against Dusty Rhodes. After numerous Brogue Kicks and Bionic Elbows, it was Sheamus who ended up on top in the end. After the match, Sheamus said that he would be going 2-0 this evening when he defeats 29 other fellas and adds the title of Laugh Like Pee-wee winner to his pot of championship gold.
After what he felt like was an injustice at Dr. Meinheimer, Kingpin took on Ultimate Warrior in a Tables match with the Million Dollar Championship on the line. Although he was powerful enough to withstand being slammed through the table once, the warriors failed to protect Ultimate from crashing through wood and losing his newly-obtained Million Dollar belt.
Backstage, Walter arrived to pick his number. Feeling confident, considering he had the opportunity to pick before anyone else, Walter drew his number with much certainty. However, that assuredness quickly turned to anger when he realized what number he had drawn. Walter stormed out of the room, screaming that Commissioner Flair had fixed the drawing.
With the WWE Tag Team Titles and spots in the Pee-wee on the line, a lot was at stake when champions Goldust and Count Out took on Super Sheik and The Hurricane. After Goldust may have done severe damage to the Irate Iranian’s ribs with excessive kicks, the WPW members retained their tag team titles…when Count Out tossed Super Sheik back into the ring at the 9 count and was counted out of the match. However, since they did not actually win the match, Super Sheik and The Hurricane advanced to the Laugh Like Pee-wee match.
The WWE Championship match, as usual, was filled with controversy.  Naturally, Prankster Ben and Prankster Skates arrived dressed as their opponents, Carlito and Disco Drew. All four men, and the referee, struggled to recognize who was who throughout the course of the contest. At the close of the confusing match-up, Prankster Ben managed to score the pinfall on Carlito. In celebration, Ben through his wig and Aloha shirt into the crowd and began to sprint around the ring. When referee Herb Hebner turned around with the belt, he handed it to the man who he clearly saw score the pin…Carlito.
In the Last Friend Standing match for the World Heavyweight Championship, Chris Jericho promised to reveal his new best friend. The man turned out to be none other than Mark Jindrak. Throughout the course of the match, Jindrak assisted in attacking DEFAULT as well as his uncle Winslow J. Wiley. Despite Jindrak’s involvement, the victory seemed to be in the grasp of DEFAULT’s claws throughout the match. Jericho barely beat the 10 count after receiving a Funny-5 through the Spanish announce table. After belittling DEFAULT for his lack of best friend and father’s “stupid looking mustache”, Jericho finally defeated a bleeding DEFAULT with a shot to the head with the steel steps. DEFAULT and Winslow were immediately rushed to a medical facility, rendering Winslow unable to compete in the Laugh Like Pee-wee match.
Walter P. Wiley, despite having first draw, wound up picking #1 in the Laugh Like Pee-wee match. Walter’s mood didn’t change much when he discovered that the #2 entrant was none other than Big Show. Walter climbed to the top turnbuckle in order to escape the colossal clutches of his opponent. However, Walter ended up being pressed over the head of Show and immediately tossed to the floor. #3 entrant Razor Ramon found himself in a sticky situation after once again drinking all of the beer. #4 entrant Undertaker was especially furious. #8 entrant J-Pac, who declared that his victory in the Pee-wee would be the beginning of “his” year, was visibly fuming when Big Show made his appearance in the match less than memorable. Ric Flair’s hand-picked celebrity entrant turned out to be none other than the Wookie Warrior, Chewbacca. Winslow J. Wiley’s replacement turned out to be King Hippo, who was apparently on the receiving end of dirty looks from Super Sheik for some reason. Ricardo Diaz made a huge impact out of the gait, quickly eliminating Big Show and Kane Paul from the match-up. Sadly for man for whom Diaz’s Fuck Fest is named, he eventually found himself on the floor as well. Diaz appeared heavily distraught that he would not be able to make good of promise to main event The Fest.  The final four came down to Sheamus, Dusty Rhodes, Bret Hart, and Hogan 80's. Dusty fell first, followed by Bret. Sheamus appeared to be near elimination following numerous Hogan punches. However, the Incomparable Irishman managed to best Hogan 80's and earn himself a title shot in the main event of Diaz’s Fuck Fest IX.