PenisMan and Pig Kid

PenisMan and Pig Kid is the thirty-first episode of The SpongeBob and Daddy Pig Show, and the ninth episode of the third season. 
The episode was written by and released on September 19, 2022, the same day as Elizabeth II's funeral (and also the same day aired in the same timeslot as said funeralhttps://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/tv/news/tv-schedule-today-queen-funeral-b2170200.html).
== Transcript ==
[The episode opens in Downtown Peppa Pig World.]
Peppa Pig Narrator: This is Downtown Peppa Pig World, where- Oh dear! It looks like Daddy Pig is homeless and living on the streets!
[Cut to Daddy Pig, who, because of being kicked out of SpongeBob's House in the last episode, is now living in a box next to a sign labelled “will have sex for food”. Several people walk past ignoring him.]
Daddy Pig: Spare change? Spare change, ma'am? (groans) It’s just not the same without a home.
[A large crowd of people gather around, including Mrs. Rabbit, Mr. Rabbit, Mr. Pony, Pedro Pony, Madame Gazelle, Mrs. Puff and Sandy, with their backs in front of Daddy Pig.]
Daddy Pig: Hey what gives, buggers?
[Everyone looks up into the sky.]
Mrs. Rabbit: It’s a bird!
Madame Gazelle: It’s a plane!
Sandy: No! (points to a bird and a plane) It’s both! (points to PenisMan) Hey look, PenisMan.
PenisMan: 🎵Are you worried about impending boobs?
Those evil villains got ya filled with gloom?
Don't ya fear, there's a hero in the sky, the sky, the sky
It's not a bird and it's not a plane
And it's not an thick vagina
It's the waistband warrior
Hear his mighty battle cry
I SMELL AN ORGASM!
PenisMan
Hey watch out, Crime
PenisMan
Its penis power time
Na na na na na
PenisMan
Yeah, yeah, yeah
PenisMan
He's disturbing sex
PenisMan
What will he do next?
He’s pretty sure that he’s not gay
PenisMan is here to stay!🎵
[The crowd cheers.]
Pedro Pony: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
PenisMan: And I’m looking for a sidekick!
[The crowd gasps.]
PenisMan: That’s right! Who wants to be my sidek-
Daddy Pig: Can I be your sidekick?
PenisMan: Yeah sure.
[Daddy Pig hops on PenisMan’s back and they fly away. Cut to a news broadcast.]
Perch Perkins: Perch Perkins here live for Bikini Bottom News. PenisMan has gotten a new sidekick: Pig Kid!
[Cut to PenisMan and Daddy Pig.]
Daddy Pig: Wait, my sidekick name is Pig Kid? But I’m 43 years old!
PenisMan: It’s fine.
[Cut to SpongeBob’s pineapple, where SpongeBob, Mummy Sheep and Sikowitz are watching the news broadcast]
SpongeBob: Daddy Pig? That shit? I never knew a snail murder could be a sidekick to someone who does good?!
Sikowitz: Not to mention the other crimes he has committed...
SpongeBob: SHUT UP!
[Cut to PenisMan and Daddy Pig]
PenisMan: To the PenisCave!
Daddy Pig: What?
[PenisMan flies down to a cave labelled “PenisCave”.]
PenisMan: Here is the PenisCave!
Daddy Pig: Wow! (starts whistling the Season 1 theme song as he walks)
PenisMan: Pretty cool, isn’t it?
Daddy Pig: [Stops whistling] Hey, what’s this?
PenisMan: Oh, that’s just a sidekick outfit. I made the mask look like bacon because I like to have bacon for breakfast.
[Pause.]
PenisMan: Daddy Pig?
[Daddy Pig starts having flashbacks to his past experiences with bacon.]
SpongeBob: (in Daddy Pig’s mind) Look, Daddy Pig! They now have bacon patties at the Krusty Krab! Daddy Pig?
Daddy Pig: (in Daddy Pig’s mind) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
Narrator: (in Daddy Pig’s mind) Daddy Pig is scared because he’s made out of bacon.
SpongeBob: (in Daddy Pig’s mind) huh
Mr. Rabbit: (in Daddy Pig’s mind) Mmmmm, I must say Mr. Pig, these Krabby Patties you were telling me about are even better than I expected!
Daddy Pig: *(n Daddy Pig’s mind) Why thank you! I must say I am a bit of an expert when it comes to sniffing out good places to eat on our lunch breaks. This bacon Krabby Patty REALLY hits the spot!
Narrator: (in Daddy Pig’s mind) Daddy Pig likes bacon.
Mr. Rabbit: (in Daddy Pig’s mind) Mmmm! You were right again! This bacon Krabby Patty is amazing!
SpongeBob: (in Daddy Pig’s mind) What’s the matter, Daddy Pig? You’re barely touching your bacon Krabby Patty.
Daddy Pig: (in Daddy Pig’s mind) I’ve been trying to cut back on the bacon ever since I realised it comes from… well… you know.
SpongeBob: (in Daddy Pig’s mind) Ah.
[In Daddy Pig’s mind, he goes on Google.com and searches “What is bacon made of?” with the results reading “Piggy”.]
[Pause.]
Narrator: Daddy Pig has flashbacks.
Daddy Pig: Sorry, PenisMan. It’s just that- well... I recently learned where bacon comes from.
PenisMan: I understand.
[Pause.]
PenisMan: I’ll go make you a new mask.
[PenisMan’s phone start ring]
PenisMan: [Picks up the phone] Hello?
PenisMan’s Mom: Parker? Parker! You were supposed to be home an hour ago!
PenisMan: I, was, uh... Hanging out with my new friends in a cave!
PenisMan’s Mom: Ok! Just make sure to come home by 7PM!
PenisMan: I know, I know.
PenisMan’s Mom: Love you, Parker.
PenisMan: Love you too, mom. [Hangs up] Wow, that was pretty embarrassing....
[Pause.]
Daddy Pig: Lol what a loser.
PenisMan: (gasp) My penis senses are tingling!
Daddy Pig: What is that supposed to mean?
PenisMan: It means there is evil afoot!
[Cut to the fucking Wild West]
Yosemite Sam: Haha! I’ve killed Bugs Bunny, and I’m gonna rule over this town!
Rebecca Rabbit: Oh no! Not Uncle Bugs!
Mrs. Rabbit: Somebody do something!
[PenisMan, with Daddy Pig on his back, flies 0nto the scene]
PenisMan: PenisMan: 🎵Are you worried about impending boobs?
Those evil villains got ya filled with gloom?
Don't ya fear, there's a hero in the sky, the sky, the sky
It's not a bird and it's not a plane
And it's not an thick vagina
It's the waistband warrior
Hear his mighty battle cry
I SMELL AN ORGA-
Bugs Bunny: Eh, can you hurry up and save me please, doc?
PenisMan: Oh right! Everybody remain calm! PenisMan is hear!
Daddy Pig: And Daddy Pig is here also!
Yosemite Sam: Oh no! Not PenisMan and his new sidekick Pig Kid!
Daddy Pig: PIG KID? I'M 43 YEARS OLD! Three decades older than PenisMan, at least.
[Pause.]
Yosemite Sam: Wait, so PenisMan is a teenager?
PenisMan:(moans) Yes.
Yosemite Sam: Lol what a loser.
[Pause.]
Daddy Pig: WAIT SO I SHOULD BE THE SUPERHERO HERE SINCE I’M OLDER THEN PENISMAN?!?!!
PenisMan: Isn’t Batman’s sidekick, like, 100 years old?
Daddy Pig: ALFRED ISN’T BATMAN’S SIDEKICK! ROBIN IS!!!
PenisMan: Oh.
Narrator: PenisMan has not read many Batman comics.
Yosemite Sam: Weren’t we talking about, Daddy Pig being 30 years older then PenisMan?
Daddy Pig: ALRIGHT, I’M DONE! PENISMAN, YOU CAN FIND ANOTHER SIDEKI-
[Daddy Pig then accidentally steps on a button labelled “Drop a Piano on the nearest non-sidekick superhero”, causing a fucking piano to fall and crush PenisMan]
[Pause.]
Narrator: Oh dear. PenisMan has been crushed by a piano!
Daddy Pig: Aw crap.
PenisMan: I don’t feel so good-
[A big blast then happens, knocking out Yosemite Sam]
Yosemite Sam: AHHHHHHHHH!!!
[Pause.]
PenisMan: What happened?
Bugs Bunny: You did it, Pig Kid! You saved me!
[Bugs Bunny, Rebecca Rabbit and Mrs. Rabbit pick up Pig Kid.]
Mrs. Rabbit: Three cheers for Pig Kid! Hip-hip!
All: Hooray!
Mrs. Rabbit: Hip-hip!
All: Hooray!
Mrs. Rabbit: Hip-hip!
Daddy Pig: Alright, you can stop now. I'm not King Charles.
Narrator: Now that the Queen is dead, Charles III is the new king of England.
Daddy Pig: rip bozo
PenisMan: So... Pig Kid-
Daddy Pig: Actually I still don't like that name.
PenisMan: I'm sorry. So, Daddy Pig... how do you feel about being my new sidekick?
Daddy Pig: Eh, sidekicks are overrated. I'm out of here.
[Daddy Pig walks off.]
PenisMan: ...motherfucker.
[Cut to Mummy Pig’s house]
Peppa Pig: Mummy, can I sell George’s dinosaur on the black market?
Mummy Pig: Yeah sure.
[The doorbell rings]
Narrator: There is someone at the door.
Mummy Pig: I’ll get it.
[Mummy Pig opens the door]
Mummy Pig: Daddy Pig?
[Pause.]
Daddy Pig: (on his knees, begging) PLEASE, MUMMY PIG! LET ME BACK IN! I HAVE NOWHERE TO GO!!!
Mummy Pig: (moans) Fine.
== References ==
Category:2022
Category:2022 Episodes
Category:2022 Transcripts
Category:Transcripts
Category:Episodes
Category:Episode transcripts
Category:The SpongeBob and Daddy Pig Show
Category:MrDaGuy
Category:PI
Category:Coral Blue Productions
Category:PI Network
Category:2020s
Category:Blue Lobster Productions