Burger War

The Burger War was a series of battles between McDonald's and Burger King over who had the better burger restaurant. The war, though short compared to World War III, was monumental in deciding which restaurant would remain superior. The Burger War resulted in more casualties than any other restaurant-related incident in history. Ultimately, nothing really happened because Burger King and Wendy's stayed second rate to McDonald's.
== Pre-Warb==
=== McDonald’s-Burger King tension ===
Ever since McDonald's opened, it had been incredibly successful with its "the food will kill you" gimmick. The King of Burgers was becoming increasingly jealous as a result. After a failed assassination attempt on Ronald McDonald (which resulted in him getting a bodyguard), the King decided something had to happen. Little did he know that an incident would soon happen which would cause all-out war.
===Attack on the Washington, D.C. Burger King ===
It was June 1, 2006, and tensions were running high in the Washington, D.C. inner city. Local gang boss “Big Chucky” had declared war on McDonald’s, prompting a massive uprising in his territory. The crazed mob, enraged at Big Chucky’s attack against their favorite restaurant, lay siege to and took a Burger King in the city. Two cashiers, over 50 Whoppers, and all the restaurant’s revenue (about $30) were taken hostage.
===Terrorist attack on McDonald’s HQ===
The King of Burgers, after he was roused from his nap by his jester, was outraged. Though he didn’t have an army, he didn’t hesitate to provide $100,000 in Burger Bukz (about $10,000) to Big Chucky for retaliation. Chucky promptly bought 1,000 pounds of TNT and C4 off the black market, put it into a Ford F-150, and drove it into the McDonald’s HQ on June 3, 2006, resulting in the building collapsing and numerous fatalities.
===Declaration of War===
The King of Burgers still was not satisfied with what he had won; he needed to go big or go home. As a result, after he successfully tricked Wendy into an alliance, gaining the use of her army, he declared war on McDonald’s on June 4, 2006.
==Opening battles==
===Battle of the McDonald's Down the Street===
Right after the King of Burgers declared war, he led Wendy and her army (he didn't have an army) down to the nearest McDonald's, a block from the Burger King HQ. Even though this building had been bought by Burger King, the King didn't care. The smashed all the windows, broke all of the equipment, and then lit the place on fire. Even though they had destroyed their own property, they had made a clear statement to Ronald McDonald: "We're idiots."
===Battle of the McDonald's in Hyrule===
While the leaders of McDonald’s laughed at the King’s stupidity, he went on the attack again. Deciding that UnAmerica should stay fat, the King of Burgers decided to destroy restaurants in Hyrule instead. After an arduous journey, he and his (Wendy’s) forces arrived in West Hyrule and blew up a McDonald's.
==Mobilization ==
Since there were innocent Big Macs in the West Hyrule McDonald’s, Ronald McDonald got the McDonalds leaders to take the threat the King posed seriously. Ronald McDonald, now Lieutenant General Ronald McDonald of the McArmy, began to draft the fattest people he could find. The CIA, who had labeled Burger King a terrorist organization, joined them, resulting in money being poured into the McDonald’s weapons program. McDonald’s also gained access to the King’s search history (this alone almost caused Wendy to leave the alliance after she saw that he used Bing instead of Google.)
However, as the McArmy was preparing, McDonald’s needed troops fast, as the King was still on the offensive. He signed an agreement with Colonel Sanders to provide him with ten brigades of elite Kentucky infantry, and opened negotiations with Taco Bell.
While all this was going on, the King of Burgers was preparing as well. He began building his own army (inferior to the McArmy), his own chicken nuggets (inferior to the McNuggets), and his own drug cartel (inferior to the McCrackmen). Wendy’s army also began expanding due to draftees from occupied East Hyrule, and Tom-Tom from Panda Express joined their side.
==Battle of the McDonald’s HQ==
The Battle of the McDonald’s HQ is widely viewed as a turning point in the war by historians. It is believed that this is where the McArmy finally asserted its superiority, where Ronald McDonald proved he was a better general than your mom, and where the 2nd McNugget Infantry earned its stripes.
=== Destruction of the Peoples ===
The McArmy chased after all of Wendy's peoples and killed them. This gruesome battle took place in North Korea for some reason. Then Ronald McDonald made an announcement to the entire UnWorld: "I'm lovin' this."
===Endgame===
Ronald McDonald was going to sleep one night when suddenly he heard a noise. Deciding to investigate, he grabbed his Shotgun and walked outside. That's when the King of Burgers tried to tackle him. With a pull of the trigger, the king laid dead. Wendy came from behind with a knife, but Ronald was too fast. With the leaders of the opposing army dead, the McArmy remained victorious.
Category:Wars
Category:Events