Uncle Heyw

"I have a huge boner right now." - Uncle Heyw 
Uncle Heyw (1966 - 2023) was a greasy old used car dealer and former male model. He's someone's uncle. He passed away in early 2023 from bronchiosaurus complications 
== He's the kind of guy to... ==
* Have company over and force them to watch his home movies in his personal home theatre
* Sit in the corner with a straight face and a ciggy in his mouth while watching the birth of his son
* Tell his nephew that "she's kinda hot" even though it's his nephew's sister.
* Complain about lung damage and blame it on bad genetics
* Show up to a family reunion for someone else's family.
* Get his double chin stuck in a deep fryer.
* "Crack open a cold one" and by that I mean chug an entire keg of beer in 3.4 seconds.
* Drink at 5:00 AM 
* Not like Uncle Tony
* Bully the kid who bullies his son, but instead he accidentally bullies some random kindergartener.
* Threaten to throw kids in his meat grinder
* Lose his hand in the wood chipper
* Spray febreeze on his shit-filled toilet
* Believe he is the actor for "Shrek" and show up to conventions with a "Q&A" panel.
* Ask for cash from homeless people.
* Blame being homeless on bad genetics.
* Tell you to turn the TV back on while he's sleeping.
* Get night terrors which can only be resolved by massaging his earlobe.
*Yell "I'm walking here" to a person on the opposite side of the street.
*Get road rage on an empty highway.
*Help you with your homework by searching Yahoo Answers.
*Pirate the latest film and play it in his home theatre instead of taking you to the theatre.
*Fix you a "snack" consisting of stale chips and old pre-chewed gum.
*Sneeze on you and say "oops" instead of apologizing.
*Stick a fork in an electrical socket, shock himself, and then blame it on bad genetics.
*Get his entire dick and nuts caught in his jeans zipper.
*Tell people that one day there will be no war veterans.
*Call anime "satanic" while also saying Texas Chainsaw Massacre is his favourite movie.
*Get fake braces for school picture day
*Call raw chicken "rare chicken" and eat it, then blame the salmonella on bad genetics.
*Stalk teenage girls and describe it as "preying on the young ones"
*Get his health information from the 5th page of Google.
*Blame his cancer on Jimmy Neutron.
*Take the last piece of the puzzle so it can't be finished
*Brush only his tongue and then wonder why he has gum disease.
*Eat deep fried cockroaches.
*Eat pure yeast
*Stuff his coat pockets with raw bacon and blame getting attacked by dogs on bad genetics
*Hiss like a cat when someone opens the blinds after a movie
*Eat corn on a drill really loudly
*Take too much from a buffet but judge someone else for gettting seconds
*Talk on the phone so loud that no one else can hear what they're doing
*Wake himself up by farting 
Category:Characters
Category:Uncles