Colleen A. Sarn

Professor Colleen Sarn is the Dean of Female Students as well as a Professor of Magic at the Hexadane Academy of Wizardry in Kasteban. 
== Role ==
Therefore she is responsible for the education and discipline of the girls at that school, a job she takes as seriously as any teacher. This leads her into conflict with Cheri Karmuliken, who doesn’t tend to have the discipline that Sarn demands.
After a catastrophic animal summoning demonstration involving a jackalope and numerous injuries caused by Cheri’s inadequate research, Sarn vengefully assigned Cheri to write a 500 page book on jackalopes telling about them in every detail, including field research, a project that Cheri considers very hazardous. (La biblioteca de Lahahana la loca has a copy of the book allegedly written by Cheri). This causes Cheri to first come into closer contact with Professor Garvantuus, and then leave school (for two weeks she claims) and get involved in some situations in the city of Kasteban.
== Physical description ==
Professor Sarn is a human female of 38 years of age. She is five feet and six inches tall and weighs 125 pounds. She has long golden blonde hair that hangs down to the top of her breasts up front and down to the middle of her back. It is parted down the front and hangs long and free, curving widely around her face. She has a small mole below her bottom lip on the left side.
She has a healthy plump in all the right places, hips, ass, and tits and still has a knockout body. She generally has a mature look about her, in her eyes and face, but isn’t afflicted with premature wrinkles. She is slightly physically stronger than average, though her musculature is not readily apparent. She doesn’t work out much and her endurance isn’t very strong.
The years of adventure, wild living, and desperate magic have taken their toll on Sarn and she is prone to head and body aches, and old monster bites on her legs and arms have slightly reduced their function. She can’t get her left arm up above her shoulder and she walks with a slight but noticeable limp in her right leg. She bears the scars from these and a number of burns beneath her garb.
== Style ==
If there’s one thing Sarn is known for, it is wearing a top hat during all of her waking hours. She has several, all of which are generally black with a bell-shaped top, but have different hat bands. As she spends most of her time at the Hexadane Academy of Wizardry, she is usually seen in simple ankle length dresses which she tends to wear comfortably snug on her ample chest and torso which tends to keep bored students from looking out the window.
When she gets time off, which isn’t often, she can be seen wearing fancy velvety jackets and trousers, often with a casual tropical print shirt underneath.
Like many wizards, she likes to take time out and adventure, and also sometimes has to fight even in the sheltered environment of the academy. It is for these cases that she wears her combat garb, a tight silky red bodysuit under a black leather sleeveless garment that goes from her shoulders down to her upper thighs, slashed something like a tiger’s stripes revealing the red underneath, and containing magical pockets inside each of the slashes. Slashed arm-gloves and flat bottomed calf-boots are worn with this. As always, this is worn with the top hat.
Whatever she wears covers the old scars on her arms and legs. There are several bald burn spots on her head which are mostly covered by her long hair, but a two inch wide spot up top doesn’t cover up well and prompts her constant hat wearing.
== Abilities and skills ==
As a Professor of Magic at the Hexadane Academy, it helps that she is a wizard. Her skills are general and wide-ranging, typically suited for combat and adventure. In fact, her late teens and twenties were spent full of traveling and adventures, and she collected a strong array of practical skills during this time. Not neglected were skills in the sword; she learned with a broadsword but now she uses a blade of magical force that she wields much the same way. She doesn’t have the skill of a true fighter like Kilmore, but her magical blade could eventually melt away the steel of a normal blade. She is also trained in a stone throwing arbalest. She enchants the stones for magical effects on impact.
But her main focus is in wizardry, and she prefers to blast enemies at a distance before having to deal with them close up. Her spells are simple and powerful, not being signature based like Tierken’s fire spells or Kandi’s candy spells which she considers a waste of effort. She is not much for craftyness or manipulation of magic other than to achieve the maximum immediate effect with whatever she uses her magic for. Sarn is also well educated in the theories and laws of magic.
Sarn is also an expert on monsters, magical creatures, and other hazards, both through book learning and practical experience, something that she strongly believes in.
== Attitude and character ==
Sarn is widely known as being a ferocious disciplinarian that the girls of the Hexadane Academy live in terror of. While this attitude does have a strong basis in fact, the way Sarn sees it, she’s not looking over adolescent girls wriggling their ways through a bunch of retarded elective classes, her students knew the what the whole program was about and signed themselves in for it. The dangers of the wizard life are too much for the stupid, unfocussed, or indolent, and weeding those unfit out is more merciful than allowing them to skate through and get annihilated in the real world. It is her business to mold those deserving into real wizards; she is like the brutal drill sergeant that the privates wish to murder upon their graduation, and whom they truly appreciate after they finally make it.
Professor Sarn is not simply strict based on ideas; she was a young girl herself not all that long ago and she got into every single thing and much worse when she was her students’ age. She was a regular blazing hellion as a student and she knows everything, all the tricks, lies, and stupid ideas. Her ability to outmaneuver the schemes and efforts of the girls quickly got her promoted to Dean. She does not advertise this ability and how she earned it, but it doesn’t take long for her students to find out.
Aside from what she wants from the students, Sarn is conscious of the honor, integrity and traditions of the Hexadane Academy of Sorcery in the highly competitive environment of the city of Kasteban. It is her goal to see that the Hexadane alumnus continue to bring honor to their school after they graduate. She’s not so concerned about whether they do good or evil, but whatever it is that they do, they do it right.
Sarn does not inflict physical abuse as a matter of discipline, but can easily crack when her razor thin temper is breached and she can be free with smacks, thumps, kicks and thrown objects. More typically, she is very fluent with harsh and profane language.
Aside from work, she is still a hellion at heart. She craves adventure, but her responsibility, age, and the toll taken in past years keeps her from setting out very often. She is a capable drinker and enjoys the occasional fight, physical or magical. She’s been known to open up to past students and as much as they may have appreciated her before, they find her very entertaining afterwards. Despite this, she lets nothing interfere with or endanger her professionalism.
== Private life ==
Sarn’s brash attitude makes it difficult for her to maintain a steady relationship. It would require a certain submissiveness to constantly put up with what she had to dish out, and she would have no time for that sort of man. So she simply settles for unsteady relationships. K.O.M.E.T. agent Burt Wankler is her most frequent date. He may be an idiot, but he’s a strong, understanding, and affectionate idiot with a strong attraction that has not gone unnoticed by his fellow agent Leslie Lavaza.
But that’s not always going on, especially when he pisses her off with something stupid, and she says horrible things in response and maybe knocks him in the head once or twice. So then they break things off and both of them date others. Months later they hook up again. They’ve been dating for about six months of each of the last six years.
Other recurring dates include Jaken Carr, a former student of hers that made several bold passes at her back in the day (she utterly punished him) but ran into her after he graduated. This relationship is based on nothing more than sheer lust, and she’s with him now and again even when she’s with Burt. Another is Marc Dozhengard, a warrior and former adventuring companion who is now an officer with the Karninian Rangers.
== History ==
Colleen Sarn was born in the village of Xambulos in northwestern Kasteban on Flowering 18th, 17xx to Roger Sarn and Alberta Sarn nee Vorminda, a village blacksmith and a tavern wench respectively about three months before they were married. Father was usually sweet and giving, but had a short temper and could become violently cruel and abusive. He’d felt like a twit after that happened but it still happened. At time wore on, he became harsher and crueller and eventually her mother bailed out on him and took Colleen with her. Her older brother Cedric refused to go with them, staying with his father.
Her mother traveled from town to town serving in taverns throughout her adolescence. Mother would often find temporary affection in the arms of travelers, and in some cases local men, before being driven from town by the anger of their wives. During this time in her early teens Sarn discovered temporary affection from some of these travelers herself, though in other respects her education was lacking.
The travelers that drew most of her attention was the adventurers that came in and out of the nearby Karmeron Mountains and the monsters, hazards, and tales found therein. Often female wizards would accompany them, they were not usually very strong physically nor always very smart, but they always commanded power and respect. This and the adventures they went on drew Sarn’s attention.
When she was fourteen, through one means or another Sarn obtained a basic magic instruction manual and a spell book she got from adventurers who were disposing of a freshly killed wizard companion’s stuff. The degree of skill she earned in this way was not very good but it was dangerous. Satchulmos the Overwhelming, a traveling adventuring wizard who was frankly horny for her took note and took her as an apprentice. Satchulmos was not the most upright character; he was a drunken letch, an asshole, and didn’t care about other people. But around the sex he demanded from her, he taught her all the elementary basics and took her on several adventures.
One of these adventures paid off well and she took her gold and told Satchelmos to fuck off. She went with her earnings to Kasteban city where after looking into several schools, she barely managed to get into the Hexadane Academy of Wizardry. In the remedial sessions before she could actually start the regular programs she started learning beginning level spells quickly and was noted for her ability to study and learn. But the bad habits learned from her father, mother, and Satchulmos were pervasive.
Sarn slept around, got out at night, and got in trouble in the Academy and in the city constantly. She would disrespect the teachers and bully the less capable students or those she simply didn’t like. She never was able to stop her bad behavior altogether, but after the first couple of years she was able to get it under control enough so that she could graduate.
Upon graduation, she had an impressive array of combat and utility spells, and looked for and found adventuring jobs that promised a rugged and fulfilling life. Soon afterwards, the War of Seven Castles erupted with Pengaldia and then war with the Daeregoni dwarves. Sarn sort of naturally fell into a “volunteer” regiment and sailed off for Daeregon where she found herself involved with some of the most intense combat found in that whole grueling campaign. Her regiment was decimated, recalled to recuperate and merged with another battered one to make a newer, better, revitalized one and was sent to die in combat againt Pengaldia. It was here that she slaughtered her first human victims, a trauma that she soon got over in battle after battle.
The coming of peace saw her discharged as a much harder, tougher woman with much more skill and power. She was unable and unwilling to ease into a slow and quiet life so she spent her time adventuring, hunting monsters and fugitives, and generally seeking the next thrill. She freelanced with several groups of law enforcers, including K.O.M.E.T. where she first got involved with Burt Wankler.
Eventually the toll of all this caught up with her and she was forced to slow down a bit. Burt let her know about the opening in the Hexadane Academy faculty, and with some trepidation she checked into it. She was afraid her past history as a student would haunt her, and in fact much of the staff regarded her admission as a big hazard but within her first year she had disciplined the barely controlled student body into submission. She’s been a fixture of the academy ever since.
== Character history ==
Professor Sarn was created for the Hellbënders web comic that served as the basis for Balls. She was drawn directly from imagination straight on to the comic strip, with no preliminary work whatsoever.
== Future plans ==
I kinda want to make more stories with K.O.M.E.T., and her relationship with Burt will play into that. And despite Lefty’s protests, I might bring the Hellbënders back to Kasteban where Cheri will find Sarn after graduation to be different than Sarn the Feared.
Within the Balls of Menthonen story itself, Sarn gets word of Cheri’s activities in Kasteban and sets out to inflict some discipline on her. Later they meet at some point where they are not in immediate conflict, after hours somewhere and Sarn lets her drillmaster persona down and they talk things out for real.
Also at some point, one of the professors affiliated with the opposing group, Garvantuus harshly (but non-lethally) disposes of her, to be freed at some point after the story.
Category:Kasteban
Category:The Balls of Menthonen
Category:Hexadane Academy
Category:Wizards