Is This What You Call Love?

"Is This What You Call Love?" is the 170th episode of Desperate Housewives.
==Summary==
Susan is in for a shock when daughter Julie pays a visit and shows up six months pregnant. Meanwhile, Bree's alcohol consumption and lust for men continues to dominate and ruin her life, and Lynette's first sexual encounter since separating from Tom doesn't quite end in fireworks. Gabrielle's attempt to soothe Juanita when she doesn't receive a Valentine's Day card from a boy she has a crush on backfires.
==Plot==
===Previously on Desperate Housewives===
*Lynette tells her friends that she's ready to start dating again. However, her first date with Frank the hairdresser doesn't go well. ("What's the Good of Being Good?")
*The women bury Alejandro in the woods. ("Secrets That I Never Want to Know")
*As a result, Bree's friendships are strained, and Lynette tells her she's on her own. ("Putting It Together")
*Renee convinces her to go out drinking, and she hits on Bradley. ("Who Can Say What's True?") Then, she starts bringing home random, indiscriminate men. ("What's the Good of Being Good?")
===Teaser===
In a classy restaurant, at night, several couples are shown, in different situations related to the opening voice-over. A woman selling flowers approaches a couple, and the man sends her off on her way without buying a flower, much to the displeasure of the woman. Then, a waiter brings an irate couple their orders, and they keep arguing even as they prepare to eat. Then, another waiter brings an elderly couple their desserts. They are reading, and exchange absolutely no eye contact with one another.
Then, Lynette Scavo and her new potential romantic interest, Frank the hairdresser (see episode 8.12), are on their second date. A waiter brings them glasses of champagne. Frank gives a toast ("Here's to second chances"). They touch glasses and Lynette thanks him for giving her a second chance, joking that he must've been charmed by her grovelling. Frank chuckles, and tells her he's now in a pickle, as he's spent the last week complaining about the 'crazy bitch' he went out with, and now he has to go back and tell everyone that this is one of the best dates he's ever been on. Lynette tells him that's sweet. He tells her not so fast, as they haven't had dessert yet, and thus they can still blow the date. Lynette tells him she hadn't thought of that, and suggests that they get out of there. She adds that they can have dessert at her place. Frank smiles and tells her that sounds great.
At Lynette's house, she opens the refrigerator door, and tells Frank all the dessert options available. He is surprised and confused. He explains to her that he didn't realize she actually invited him over for... 'dessert'. Lynette catches on to him (open-mouthedly so): he meant "sex". Lynette jokes, awkwardly, that that's why he ran all those red lights; she figured he just had a sweet tooth. He tries to steer the subject back to the dessert options, and Lynette asks him not to misinterpret her, as she loves both kinds of "dessert", but it's too soon, and there's a certain amount of prep work that she would have done had she known there'd be sex involved that night. Frank apologizes for misunderstanding and making her feel uncomfortable. He then reminds her that they had a great night, and Lynette agrees. He says he looks forward to doing it again, and Lynette tells him that sounds good, with a smile. He proceeds to walk out of the house, and Lynette follows him, trying to make sure he doesn't get a wrong impression of her, as she does like sex, she always has, she was a total whore in college. This said, she realizes she probably shouldn't have said it. Frank and Lynette both chuckle, though. They exchange a "good night".
Lynette leans closer for a kiss, and so does he, but it all amounts to one awkward misguided kiss from Frank to Lynette's eye. They part ways, and Lynette closes the door behind him and vents.
===Act I===
The following morning, Lynette is seen, in her kitchen, sat by the table, tapping her fingers on the table and contemplating about the previous night, rather frustratingly so. She then gets up from her seat, and is next seen thinking about drinking some wine, but she puts the bottle down and walks away. Shortly afterwards, she is contemplating having a donut, but she decides against it and attempts to close the box. Then, she picks up her phone and starts dialing.
Not that much later, Lynette is sitting in her front porch, holding a mug, and her friends Gabrielle and Susan are sitting in the swing chair. Lynette is recounting what happened (explaining that she told Frank she wanted to have sex with him, just not so early on), and tells them that she and Frank now have this 'awkward thing' hanging over them. Susan tells her friend that no one expects her to hop right in bed with someone new. Gaby simply says, "Why not? Tom did!", much to everyone else's surprise. Gaby then turns to Susan and says she's just trying to motivate their friend, and Susan turns to Lynette and tells her she doesn't want to be the girl who has random sex with the first guy she meets. Gaby dismisses Susan's opinion, claiming that that's fun, and reminds her that Lynette is pushing 50 (to which Lynette responds, "With a very long stick."). Gabrielle gets back to her point, which is that Lynette should be out 'getting some' while she's still limber enough to enjoy it. Susan mostly wants to know if Lynette really likes the guy in question, and Lynette puts on a grin and genuinely says that she thinks she does. Gabrielle then asks what the problem is, and Lynette tells her she's a little rusty, as it's been a while. Susan tells her she's putting too much pressure on herself; if she really likes this guy, she should take it slow. Gaby then intervenes, telling her not to take it too slow, as she's starting a new relationship and sex is a big part of it. Lynette adds that the first time with somebody is always awkward and weird... to which Gabrielle adds, "...and exciting, and great..." She then asks her friend if, in 20 years of marriage, she's never fantasized with anyone else, and she gets a positive response. Gaby tells her this is her chance to act on said fantasies, and Lynette jokes that this must be the upside to having her marriage colapse. She then says she just has to figure out how to make her first move, and Susan points across the street and tells her she knows who could be of assistance.
They see Bree making out with an unfamiliar man. They are all shocked to see her with another man, and Lynette wonders what happened with the blond guy from the week before. Susan tells them the guy she saw had dark hair and a sports car, and Gaby adds that the guy she saw drove a motorcycle. Bree then walks the man to his truck, and Susan asks her friends if they should be worried about her. Lynette tells then Bree's not their problem anymore, not after the way she treated them. Across the street, Bree and the man kiss goodbye, and he then notices the women staring at them from the other side of the road and asks who they are. Bree coldly says, "Nobody I know".
 Gabrielle and her daughter Juanita are busy decorating cupcakes, and the former asks the latter why she insists on giving out Valentine's Day cupcakes, when she bought her perfectly good cards. Juanita tells her mom that store-bought cards are lame. She then goes on to say that she wishes her father was there, as he always helped her with 'stuff'. Gaby catches on to the fact that her daughter really misses Carlos, and Juanita asks why he even had to go to Europe. Gaby lies to her that he had to go on a business trip, as per usual, and Juanita tells her that he's never been gone this long. Gaby tells her that when he gets home everything's gonna be great again. Juanita asks her if she has any more sprinkles, and her mother notices she's been spending a lot of time on that one cupcake of hers, which leads her to ask if it's for someone special. Juanita dismissively tells her it's for nobody. Gaby coyly asks her what 'his' name is, and Juanita tells her 'he' has no name. Gaby promptly takes this to mean that he does exist. Juanita gives up her charade, and tells her the boy's name: it's Ryan Vayo. She goes on to say that he's really cool, as he can dislocate his shoulder and make it look like he was in a car accident. Gaby jokes that they're the same, as they fall for the bad boys. Juanita then says she simply wants his to be special, and asks her mom if she thinks that's dumb. Gabrielle denies, and then simply tells her she thinks she needs more candy hearts, so she hands them to her, smiling.
An immense among of cereal boxes is seen on Susan's kitchen counter, as she is taking out the groceries. Mike comes downstairs and jokes that he's been meaning to ask if they have any cereal. Susan tells him it's for Julie, because when she was young they loved to have cereal for dinner, but she couldn't remember what brand was her favorite, so she got them all. She then adds that she can't believe it's been six months since Julie last came home, and Mike asks why the visit. Susan tells him she thinks Julie just misses her mom, as she sounded a little blue on the phone. Mike tells her they should think of some stuff to cheer her up, and Susan reveals that she's way ahead of him, as she's planned all sorts of fun activities for them to do over the weekend: all the things Julie loved to do when she was a kid. She then asks Mike if they still have that old trampoline in the garage. She tells him that Julie loved that: she would often be jumping up and down on it, as Susan read in her bedroom, and her head would pop in at the window as she repeatedly said "Hi, mom!". Julie then lets herself in, and Susan is very happy to see her. Julie's got her luggage in front of her, as she and her mom hug. Mike compliments her, saying she looks great, and Susan agrees. She then asks her daughter if she'd like to have anything to drink, and Julie accepts some water. Susan goes to grab some from the refrigerator, as she lists the activities she's planned for the weekend, but as Mike takes the luggage from his stepdaughter and Julie removes her coat, it's revealed she is pregnant. Susan turns around and is shocked.
===Act II===
Susan is quite unsure of how to react, as she stares at her pregnant daughter with a smile. She closes the refrigerator's door, and Julie announces to her that she's been pregnant for six months, as Mike takes his stepdaughter's luggage elsewhere. Susan says Julie didn't even tell her she was in a relationship. Julie is reluctant to say anything, so Susan thinks there must be something wrong with the guy, and that she is gonna hate him. Julie says she's not going to hate him... because she's not going to meet him. Susan and Mike, who's come back, are confused. Julie explains that it was a casual thing and he's not interested in following through. "I was right, I do hate him.", says Susan. Mike asks Julie if she's okay with that, to which she responds positively, so Mike states that they are too - referring to both him and his wife, who is clearly not, but acquiesces anyway. Susan tells her that they're gonna be there for her, she can move back home, and her mother and stepfather will help take care of the baby. She then asks whether the baby is a boy or a girl, and Julie tells her it doesn't matter. Susan is confused even further, and Julie explains that she's gonna give it up for adoption. "What? No, you're not.", says a surprised and shocked Susan. Julie recounts her life (working part-time for a PhD, living in a small apartment...) to her mother, to help justify her decision, and Susan reminds her that she always said she wanted children. Julie then reminds her in turn that she meant with a husband. She adds that she's not in a place to do this right now. Susan tells her to slow down, as they need to think that through, and Julie tells her she already has. And she's working with an agency and they've already set up a meeting with a great couple who doesn't live too far from there. Susan is horrified, and Mike is not in a position to comfort her. Julie tells her mother she's supposed to meet them the following night, and they want to meet Susan too, to learn more about Julie's background. "So that's why you came home? Not just to break my heart?", says a devastated Susan. Mike consoles her quietly, or tries to, and Susan tells her daughter that such a meeting is not gonna happen and that the baby won't be given away. Mike tries to call her to her senses, and Julie reminds her mother that she just said she'd be there for her. "I really need your support", she says, before adding "please." Susan reluctantly says she'll do it, she'll have them over for dinner. Julie thanks her.
Later that day, Gabrielle is sitting in her living room, reading a magazine, when Juanita comes inside the house, clearly frustrated about something, as she tells her mother, "Happy sucky Valentines Day". Gabrielle closes her magazine and asks her what happened, if Ryan didn't like her cupcake. Juanita puts down her backpack on the floor, and her box of valentines on the coffee table, and tells her mother that Ryan ate the cupcake, but didn't even give her a card. Gabrielle tries to cheer her up by saying that plenty of other people gave her valentines, and then she opens the box and takes one out, reading it aloud: ""Dear Juanita, my parents made me write this. You smell like ham." You like ham." Juanita tells Gaby that she likes Ryan, and asks why he can't like her back. She then asks what is wrong with her, and Gabrielle tells her nothing is, and that she is wonderful. She then hugs her daughter for comfort, and gets an idea. When she breaks off the hug, she asks Juanita if she's sure Ryan didn't give her a card, to which she gets a positive response. Gaby tells her to double-check her backpack, as he could have slipped it in when she wasn't looking. Juanita asks why he would do that, to which Gaby states that boys are weird. She then rushes to the kitchen as her daughter checks the backpack, grabs a small box with several valentines, and tries to look for pens, to no avail. Then, she grabs a piece of chocolate from a candy dish in the counter, and writes on the card with it. The card says "Happy Valentines Day", and Gaby writes down "XOXO Ryan" beneath that. Juanita comes in, with her backpack, and Gaby promptly hides the card behind her back. Juanita asks her what she's doing, and Gaby says "Nothing." She then throws the card to the floor and asks Juanita what that thing is that came out of her backpack. Juanita picks it up and is excited and surprised to see that it's from Ryan. She reads it out loud, and asks what "XOXO" means. Gaby tells her it's "hugs and kisses". Juanita is very happy that Ryan does like her. She says she's going to call him, and Gaby stops her cold on her track, telling her she can't do that. Juanita asks why not, and Gaby explains that boys don't like it when girls tell them they like them. Juanita asks how he will know then, and Gaby says that he knows, and she knows, so there's no need to talk about it, as it'll wreck the relationship. Juanita asks what kind of relationship it could be if they don't talk, and Gaby tells her it'd be the very best kind. Juanita then notices the smell and sniffs the card for certainty... only to find herself all the more excited to find out it was written with chocolate. "He's perfect!", she says, before running out of the kitchen. Gaby is relieved.
The following night, Susan and Julie are sat at the dinner table with Bill and Debbie, the potential foster couple. Debbie tells Susan the meal was delicious, and Susan says it was just something she whipped up. Bil proposes a toast to Susan and Julie, for inviting them into their beautiful home and offering them this amazing gift of life. They all share in on the toast, and Susan notices Debbie is only drinking water. She asks her if she's not drinking, and Debbie explains that she's abstaining in a show of solidarity with Julie. She may not be able to carry her own baby, but she is able to support the woman who is. Julie smiles at her, and Susan tells her that's very sweet, but then jokes that she should drop that plan when the doctor starts talking about 'episiotomy'. The couple chuckles, and Bill tells Susan he can't believe how great she's being about this, and Debbie tells Julie that it's wonderful that her mother is so supportive. Julie tells them Susan understands how this is going to be better for everyone. Susan says that she can't think of a better home for this baby than with Bill and Debbie... but she's not too confident in her own words. Bill and Debbie are touched. Susan then turns to Julie and asks if she would mind getting the dessert. Julie gets up, and tells Debbie that if she is peeing in solidarity with her, that's where she'll be heading first. Debbie and Bill laugh. Debbie turns to Susan, after Julie's headed out, to compliment the job she did with her daughter, as she seems great. Susan takes the opportunity to say that Julie's having one of her good days. The couple is alarmed, and Susan explains that Dr. Cohen finally got her meds perfectly balanced... which is why she's letting Julie use a knife that night. Debbie starts saying that Julie never mentioned anything in her application about... "mental illness?", adds Susan. "Yeah... Grandma used to say our family tree grew nothing but bananas.", she says... before adding, "Before she hung herself." The couple is concerned, and Bill tells Susan that he thinks, legally, Julie had to disclose that to them. Susan then tells them not to talk about 'legal' next to Julie, because otherwise they'll have to see all of her jail tattoos. Debbie is frightened, and Bill asks Susan what else Julie didn't tell them. Susan asks them if she said she can hold up her hand over an open flame without crying. Her eyes water, but she just keeps laughing. Susan then tells them it's not Julie's fault, as she should have stopped drinking when she was pregnant, but she 'likes her whine'. She then drinks some more. Julie returns, with a plate of cake, and asks who's ready for dessert, before holding her knife up in the air, which startles Bill and Debbie.
===Act III===
After the dinner gathering, Julie is scrubbing the dishes in the kitchen sink, vigorously so. Susan approaches her from behind and gently tells her she doesn't have to do that. She is stopped by this for a short moment, but then resumes her vigorous scrubbing. Susan picks up a plate and starts whiping it, and says, "Still not talking to me, huh?". An angered Julie tells her she's channeling her anger into cleaning. Then, they both put down the dishes and Julie tells her that Susan having scared those people off won't change anything, because she's healthy, white and a year away from her PhD, so a lot of people will want her baby. "Including me", says Susan, meekly. "I'm sorry, it's my grandchild. And I know that you think you have thought this all out, but until you have held that baby in your arms you have no idea what you're giving up." Julie simply tells her mother she's going to bed, but Susan stops her, begging her child to hear her out. "You're scared, I get it. But you can do this." Julie lashes out at her, saying she doesn't want to be a single mother, and Susan reminds her of how she was a single mother for a while and they had a great time, they were like best friends, had cereal for dinner, stayed up in Susan's bed all night sharing secrets... Julie then tells her mother it's funny she remembers all this that way, because Julie herself doesn't. She goes on to remind her daughter that they had cereal for dinner because Susan was too sad to cook. They slept in the same bed because Susan couldn't face the empty side. And then there were all the times they drove up to her father's place to see if he'd brought someone home. This all hits Susan the hard way, and she has to lean against the sink for composure. She says she had no idea, and Julie says, "That is why I don't want to have this baby on my own. Because I already raised a child... you." Julie walks away from the kitchen, and Susan is left there, broken-hearted.
The following morning, during recess at Oakridge Elementary School, Ryan Vayo is playing soccer with his classmates, and Juanita is leaning against the playpen, insistently staring at him with a large grin. Ryan notices this and is weirded out. After a while, he picks up the football and heads towards her, asking her what she is staring at. Juanita shooshes him, telling him not to talk. He asks why not, and Juanita tells him he'll ruin their relationship. A discontent Ryan drops the football and tells her they don't have a relationship, and Juanita reminds him he gave her the "XOs". Ryan is confused, asking her what that means, and Juanita tells him, "I'll show you." This said, she grabs him and throws herself at him for a make-out session.
Later, Gabrielle is seen in Principal Hobson's office, saying "Sexual harassment? Are you kidding me?". Apparently, Juanita's been reported to having sexually harassed Ryan. "She's a 9-year-old with a crush, not a presidential hopeful!", adds Gaby. The principal tells her that, regardless, they have a zero tolerance policy against unwanted advances at their school, and Gaby sits down, telling him she was a model, so she knows all about 'unwanted advances'. "Try being stuck in a limo with a tipsy David Lee Roth.", she jokes. Mr. Hobson tells her Juanita forced this boy into the ground and kissed him, against his will. Gaby is skeptical, and Hobson tells her Ryan cried for 20 minutes, and could barely tell him what happened. Gaby jokes that Ryan is both a snitch and a crybaby, and he won't last a day in high school. Hobson starts to lose his patience and gets up, telling her he doesn't think she realizes the gravity of the situation. It's not like when they were kids. This said, Gaby tells him "Hey! Hey! Cotton-top! You and I are not the same age." Hobson is seldom infuriated by this remark, and tells her she needs to talk to her daughter, because if so much as a glance in Ryan's direction from her occurs, they will have no choice but to expel her. Gaby sighs with concern.
Bree is at her favorite bar, sat at the counter, having a drink, when she notices a rugged blue-collar man, also drinking at the counter. She gets up from her set and sits down next to him, bringing her drink with her, and telling him, with a smile, that she doesn't usually do this but she's feeling rather bold that night. "Can I buy you a drink?", she asks. The man, smiling, says "Sure." Bree has the bartender serve him, and then asks him his name. He says he's Jerry, and Bree tells him it's nice to meet him. He remains quiet, and she jokes that he's not much of a talker, which is alright, because she'll ask all the questions. She asks him what he does for a living, to which he replies, "I'm a roofer. Same thing I was two nights ago... when you took me home." Bree is confused and surprised by this remark, and she takes a better glance at him and is suddenly reminded of the man. She quickly apologizes for not having recognized him, making up excuses, and he tells her that's okay. With things on good terms for them, Bree tells him she won't forget him twice, and then asks if there is any way she can make it up to him. Jerry tells her that he does remember the other night, so yes, there are several ways. Bree chuckles and caresses him, before suggesting that they don't waste any time. Shortly afterwards, Bree is seen leaving the nightclub with Jerry... from the inside of a car. Someone is still watching her.
===Act IV===
The following morning, Julie is sitting on the front porch, looking rather blue, when Mike comes outside and greets her, then asking if she'd like a beer. Julie smiles, and he pretends to remember she can't have any. He then hands her a surprise soda he'd been holding behind him. He sits down next to her, and Julie tells him it's so weird remembering being a kid on that street, and now being back there with an unborn kid. Mike then says, "Imagine how weird it is for your mom". Julie tells him she gets that, and then starts to say, "I just wish she...", but Mike interrupts her, stating that if she's about to wish that her mom would stop trying to figure out her life for her, she's about to waste a wish. He then adds that it sounded like Julie was rough on Susan the night before. Julie confirms this, and thinks Mike was told this, but he claims that Susan didn't tell him anything, which is how he knows. Julie explains herself by saying she's just so angry at her mother for seemingly not realizing that this whole thing is killing her too. Mike tells her Susan does realize that, which is why she won't stay out of it. Julie says that's not making it any easier on her. Mike tells her that when it comes to her kids, Susan has one gear: love. And if Julie goes back through all the times Susan has made her upset with what she said and/or done, she'll find love beneath it all. Julie claims to know that. Mike tells her that as far as flaws in a mom go, that's a pretty good one. Julie smiles and they continue sitting out on the porch, as a lovely new day is beginning.
Later, Gabrielle and Juanita have just gotten home, and they enter Gaby's room so that she can take off her coat. Juanita tells her mom that she doesn't see what the big deal is, as she only kissed Ryan, but Gabrielle tries to explain to her that some people might find it inappropriate for them to be kissing on the playground. Juanita misunderstands, and starts to tell her mother of how she knows of a spot at the park where they can kiss. Gaby turns to her and tells her there'll be no kissing Ryan anywhere. Juanita reminds her that that's how it works: first kissing, then getting married, then he buys her presents. "Oh, my God, you are my daughter", says Gaby. She then sits down and softly tells Juanita that she doesn't think Ryan likes her like that. Juanita reminds her that he sent her a Valentine, and Gaby reluctantly admits she sent it herself. She explains that she signed his name and let her think it was from him, because she seemed so upset when she didn't get a Valentine and she just wanted to see her daughter happy again. Juanita is seldom angry and starts walking away, and Gaby apologizes, stating that she hates seeing her daughter sad like this. Juanita turns back to her, arms crossed, and explains that she's not sad, she's mad. "You always lie to me", she says. Gaby then gets up, saying she doesn't lie to her, and Juanita then asks where her father is: she knows he's not in Europe. Gaby asks her how she knows that, and Juanita says she can tell, as she's not a kid anymore, and thus she knows when her mother is hiding stuff. Gabrielle is moved, and realizes that her daughter is growing up so fast. She starts caressing Juanita, as she explains that a part of her still sees her as this cute little baby she used to bathe in the sink. "But everyday you're getting stronger and smarter... so maybe I don't need to protect you quite so much." Gaby then suggests that they go get some cupcakes to have a little talk.
Susan is in a bedroom sorting out through baby clothes, when Julie walks in and asks her what she's doing. Susan tells her not to worry, as she's putting them away. Susan pulls out a pair of pink-striped overalls, and asks her daughter if she remembers these, to which Julie replies that she doesn't, because she was one. Susan says that she had a matching pair, and people would always look at them. Julie sarcastically says that that's because she was a grown woman in pink-striped overalls, so people must've thought they were part of a Christian singing group. "They'd say we looked sweet together", Susan calmly says, before adding "I wouldn't trade that memory for anything." Julie approaches her, and says that she knows this is hard, and she's really sorry for the way she went off on her. Susan tells her she's the one who should apologize, as she had no right to lie to those people. She then adds that she knows she made a lot of mistakes with Julie, but she just told herself it was okay because her daughter turned out so great. "You did the best you could. I know that.", says Julie. "You're a great mom." Susan is very relieved to hear this. Julie starts leaving the room, but Susan stops her by saying she'd do it again in a heartbeat: because no matter how hard it was, Julie was always the best thing in her life. Julie says she has given this a lot of thought, and it's the toughest decision she's ever had to make, but she's made it. Susan says she understands, though achingly so. Julie caresses her stomach and says she's just trying to do what's best for 'her'. Susan is surprised, and Julie reveals the baby is a girl.
===Act V===
Lynette is checking herself in the mirror as she prepares herself for another date with Frank, and the doorbell rings. She opens the door and Frank apologizes for being late. He tells her they should get a move on if they're gonna make their reservations. Lynette says that they have time and tells him to come in. She asks if he possibly wants some coffee or a drink or - and this takes some set-up - 'dessert'. Frank is confused about her last suggestion, since they haven't eaten yet. Lynette makes it clear what she means, and Frank tries to make sure they're on the same page. Lynette makes it very clear that she's talking about sex, and wonders if he'd like to have sex. Frank reminds her that she said her kids would be at her ex's all night, so they could still get some dinner. Lynette tells him that if they go to dinner this whole thing about "sex" will be hanging over their heads all night long. She insists that they have sex right at that moment. Frank smiles.
In Lynette's bedroom, she is lighting up some candles when Frank starts unzipping her blouse, in a sensual fashion. Lynette turns to him and they start making out. During their macking, Lynette leans to the side to turn the bedroom's main light off, and Frank breaks off the kissing and tells her he was kind of hoping they could leave that light on. Lynette says, "Five kids, trust me, it's better off." Frank assures her that she has nothing to worry about - she looks amazing. He then turns the light back on, and Lynette turns it back off, and bargains with him: she suggests that they turn the bedside lamp on (which she does) and he also gets the candles. Frank tells her he'll see her bedside lamp and raise her the floor lamp (which he turns on). Lynette isn't pleased. She turns the floor lamp off (she says she's not going over 25 watts), but then turns the closet light on and cracks the door slightly open, and brings some more candles to the beside table. Lynette tells him that's as high as she can go that round. Frank approaches her, says that he's all in, and then grabs her and they fall to the bed.
The following morning, Renee walks into Lynette's house and calls out for her. She sees her arm sticking out of the couch and signaling at her to come closer, and Renee does so, asking in the meantime what is going on, since she got Lynette's message and couldn't make it out. Lynette, who's hiding under a blanket as she lies down on the couch, merely grunts. Renee tells her that's all she said in the message as well, and asks if she can use her words. Lynette grunts yet again. Renee asks if this is about Lynette's date with Frank the night before - "grunt once for yes, twice for no", she adds. Lynette grunts once. Renee asks if she had sex with him, to which Lynette slightly uncovers herself and says "sort of". Renee asks her what that means, and Lynette says that she doesn't want to talk about it, and then covers herself completely again. Renee tells her that is ridiculous - she called her over, so she should just tell her what happened. Renee sits down on the coffee table, and Lynette uncovers herself and tells her friend that she cried. Renee says, "Oh, no... When? After?", to which Lynette responds: "Right in the middle." Renee asks if there is any way Frank didn't notice. Lynette tells her she blew her nose in the sheets, which is kind of hard to ignore. Lynette sits up and explains to her friend that she opened her eyes and saw this lovely man who she really likes and with whom she has a really nice time and she realized... her marriage is over. Renee asks her if she didn't realize that when Tom went to Europe with Jane. Lynette tells her she didn't, because that was Tom, and she kept thinking, "Boy, Tom's moving on... This is me, this is really happening to me." Renee sighs and sits down next to her. Lynette puts her head on her best friend's shoulder, and Renee asks her what Frank did. Lynette tells her Frank was really sweet and handed her a box of kleenex, and said all the right things... but she just knows she won't be seeing him again. Renee tells her to think that it costs her one guy to face the truth that her marriage is over, but now she can move on, just like Tom. She then adds, "I'm gonna tell you the same thing that I told Bree when I took her out drinking." - this part triggers a reaction in Lynette - "The only way to live life is wildly." Lynette distances herself from her friend, confused, and Renee turns to her and says, "What?". "You took Bree out drinking?", asks Lynette. Renee asks if that's bad.
Sometime later, Lynette, Susan and Gabrielle are gathered over at the latter's house. Gabrielle angrily asks how could Renee have taken Bree out drinking. Susan asks if she doesn't know whether Bree is an alcoholic. Lynette explains to them that she's known Renee for a long time, and she's not what one would call a 'detail person'. Susan says this at least helps explain how Bree's been acting lately, but Gaby says that there isn't enough booze in the world to justify the skeeze that's coming out of Bree's house. Lynette asks how they could not know this, and Gabrielle reminds her that they're not speaking to Bree because of what she did. Lynette tells them she was so mad and she thought she'd stay mad for a long time, but now, knowing that she's hurting... "it just seems mean", adds Gaby. Susan intevernes, saying that she misses her: she misses them, as they used to be. "So, whatever happened, we need to put it behind us and go help Bree." Lynette nods affirmatively, and Gaby wonders if they can get through to her. Susan says, "I don't know. But we have to try."
As the evening approaches, the door to Bree's house is opened and she walks in, whilst making out with an unfamiliar man. The guy notices someone in the living room and asks Bree if this is really her house. Bree turns around, clearly drunk, and is surprised to find her three former best friends all there in the living room, waiting for her. Bree, rather clumsily, tries to take an angry stance as she says "What the hell?". Gabrielle tells the girls that there is no Bree left, given all the booze, loose morals and now even the swearing. Bree asks why they are in her house. Susan tells her this is an intervention. The man asks if this will be for TV, because he's married. He then tells Bree he was gonna tell her that eventually. Bree simply tells the girls that they've got to be kidding her. Lynette tells her they're her friends and they want to help. Bree then tells everyone to get out, and the man obliges, rushing out. Bree quietly says, "Not you. Idiot." Gabrielle approaches her gently and asks why she is behaving like that. Bree claims not to know what they're talking about, and Lynette tells her they can see what's going on. Susan says they know she's drinking again. Gaby adds that they know about all her men too. Bree jokes that she cannot hide anything from the girls. "Did you also know I tried to kill myself?", she adds. The women are shocked. Bree sarcastically wonders how that information escaped her "nearest and dearest friends". Susan tells her that, if this is a joke, it's not funny. Bree tells her it's not a joke: she checked into a motel room, with nothing but a bottle and a gun. She then goes on to say that Susan is wrong, because it's funny that the women standing there before her, professing to be her supporting friends, are the reason that she was in that motel room. Gaby begs of her to stop, but Bree lashes out a negative response, telling them to stop giving her this 'friends' nonsense, because all she ever was to them was the organizer, the problem solver - a leader, when they needed one. She turns specifically to Gabrielle and tells her that that's exactly what she was that horrible night when they buried her stepfather. Gaby says she was so grateful for that. "Liar! All of you, liars!", Bree says. "Because as soon as it got rough, as soon as there was any trouble, it all became my fault! And off you went." Lynette starts saying that they had no idea, and that she wishes Bree had told them... Bree interrupts her, saying that she tried, but even when she came to them to apologize, they slammed their doors on her face. Gaby consents that she's right, they let this pull them apart but that's not gonna happen again. Susan jumps in, saying that no matter what Bree thinks, they love her. Lynette says they'll do whatever it takes, they just want things to be back the way they were. Bree tearfully says, "Well, I don't." Then, she heads upstairs, leaving the girls preoccupied.
===Act VI===
Lynette opens the door to her house to find Frank standing in front of her, holding a bottle of wine on one hand and a pizza box on the other. She is surprised to see him, and asks what this is, and he lets himself in and jokes that "this" is something he recently discovered called 'pizza'. Lynette is confused as he makes his way to the kitchen, asking if they had plans, and Frank tells her they didn't, this is a stealth date, since every time they've made plans there's been too much pressure, so he figured maybe things would be better if they snuck up on each other. He smiles, and Lynette asks him if he has any unresolved mother issues. He tells her he and his mother get along quite well, and Lynette explains that said issues would be the only feasible explanation she could come up with to justify him continually coming back to her. Frank, still smiling, says he can think of another: "I like you". Lynette reminds him that she cried during sex, and Frank, as he grabs for plates, reminds her that she's lived with the same guy for 20 years, so it only makes sense for him to be in her head. He adds that he'd think twice about her if he weren't. He then goes on to say that if one's lucky enough to meet a woman who's sexy, smart and funny and who actually likes them, one gives that person all the time they need. Lynette smiles, and Frank asks where her corkscrew is. She is still a bit captivated by his charm, and takes some time to answer. She then walks up to him as though she's about to say something, but they start kissing instead. However, he breaks up the kissing, telling her he knows she's more comfortable 'like this'... and then he turns the kitchen light off. Lynette turns it back on, and they resume making out.
Bree is sitting alone at the counter in her favorite bar, looking rather mopey, and the bartender approaches her and asks if she'd like to have the usual. Bree smiles at him, acknowledging that it has indeed became her "usual", and confirms. Immediately afterwards, a skeezy man named Dylan approaches and greets her, and Bree is - right away - clearly not interested, and he delivers a cheesy, unappealing pick-up line: "I got a thing for redheads... wanna see it?". Bree is repulsed, as Dylan chuckles at his own line. He sits down next to her, and reveals that he knows her name. Bree tells him she only came to have a drink, she really doesn't feel like talking, but Dylan isn't willing to give up on her, explaining that it wasn't the chance to have a conversation that brought him over. Bree is offended, but Dylan retaliates that he knows what she comes there for, so they can just stop the game. Bree says, "We can stop everything, including this unfortunate encounter. Now, please leave me alone." She turns her head away from him, in disgust, and he laughs condescendingly at her attitude, asking if all of a sudden she thinks she's a high-class lady. "Give me a break. Everybody in this bar knows what you are.", he adds. The bartender asks Bree if she would like to start a tab, but she tells him no, as she'd like to go. She leaves the bartender a bill and walks away.
Outside, Bree reaches for her car keys, but drops them. Immediately, Dylan grabs them before she can, and tells her, with a smirk, that he'll drive. An angered Bree tries to steal the car keys back from him, but he won't let her. She asks for her keys back, but all he does is wonder why he doesn't "make the cut", considering all the 'dirtbags' she's dragged out of that bar before. Bree tells him he's vile, and demands that he give her her keys and get away from her. Dylan says, "Wow... this is a new low for me. I'm not good enough for the town pump." Bree slaps him across the face, and he is livid. He then says, "You know what? I think we'll take my car.", and he then grabs her by the arms and forces her to come with him. Bree is horrified, as she tries to break free from his grasp, and he teases her about how he likes to play rough as he tries to get the door to his car open. Bree tells him to let go of her, and a voice says "You heard her." It's Orson Hodge, who's just showed up in his wheelchair. "Let go.", he adds. Bree is surprised to see him, and Orson greets her and says they'll catch up later on. Dylan keeps trying to get his car's door open, and Orson, taking out his gloves, tells him, "If you're smart, you'll step away from her and go back to the hole you crawled out of." An angry Dylan tells him he has a rule about not hitting men in wheelchairs, but Orson deserves an "asterisk". He lets go of Bree and walks up to Orson, prepared to strike him, but Orson takes out a taser gun and shoots Dylan with it, incapacitating him. Dylan is dropped to the floor as he begs to be released, and Orson obliges. When Dylan runs off, Orson reveals that he's also got pepper spray. Bree comes up to her ex-husband and asks him what he's doing there, to which he replies that her friends called him, and told him she was going through a rough time. A saddened Bree kneels down before him, and reveals that she's made a mess of her life. Orson tells her, as he caresses her face, "Don't worry, dear. The one thing you and I were always good at was cleaning things up." They then engage in an embrace, relieved to find themselves in each other's arms once more.
Lynette finds herself in bed with Frank, after having had sex. He is apparently asleep, and she smiles as she snuggles with him.
Gabrielle and Juanita are seen in the lobby of Sterling Recovery Center, clearly anxiously waiting to see Carlos. Juanita's holding a cupcake she brought for her father, with the word "DADDY" written on the frosting.
An emotional Susan admires the pink onesie she'd shown Julie earlier, and then embraces it.
Bree and Orson are sat at the dining room, having a snack, and Orson poors Bree some more tea. She then holds his hand over the table, and they smile at each other.
==Production==
This episode was directed by executive producer David Grossman, marking his 49th directing credit with the series, and was written by production staff members David Schladweiler (his 6th writing credit) and Valérie A. Brotski (her 2nd writing credit).
==Reception==
This episode was watched, in its original American broadcast, by a total of merely 6.40 million viewers, marking a new series low for the show at the time, partially brought on by its fierce competition (the series was aired up against the Grammys, which paid homage to the passing of beloved pop performer Whitney Houston). It ranked as #2 in its timeslot, scoring a 1.8 in its key demo (ages 18–49), and a share of 4.8/7.Ratings for February 12th, 2012, courtesy of SpoilerTV.
Catriona Wightman, reviewer of the series for Digital Spy, commended the performance of lead actress Eva Longoria (Gabrielle Solis), despite deeming her storyline to be the weakest of the episode, and was glad to see the return of former main castmembers Andrea Bowen (Julie Mayer) and Kyle MacLachlan (Orson Hodge). Her conclusion on the episode read: "The only thing I would say about this episode is that, while entertaining, it did feel like it was treading water somewhat. With only a few episodes left until the very end of the show, it feels like we should have more plot developments, mystery, and storyline. Still, the episode made me chuckle and remained entertaining (...)".Digital Spy recap/review, by Catriona Wightman.
The overall appreciation by the fans of the show was overwhelmingly positive, despite the weak expectations.TV.com forum: reviews for episode 8.13.
==Trivia==
*The title of this episode comes from a song of the same name, taken from the Stephen Sondheim musical, Passion.
*This episode marks the returns of former series regulars Orson Hodge and Julie Mayer, after absences of 24 and 23 episodes, respectively.
*No "also starring" cast list was provided for this episode, making it not only the first episode of the season not to feature it, but also the first episode since the first season finale.
==Quotes==
==Gallery==
Gallery of photographic stills released to promote the episode.
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==External links==
*Press release
*Promotional trailer
==References==
Category:Episodes
Category:Season 8
Category:Holiday-themed episodes