Divine Family Matters

"Divine Family Matters" is a [SEASON NUMBER] thread written on [IRL DATE].
==Summary==
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==Full Text==
Hel: “Ok…” Hel said, glaring at other gods she was meeting with. They were all standing in a circle on the never ending plains of Valhalla, the place still as eerily silent and surreal as ever. “I call this family meeting to order,” she said promptly. “It’s stupid that we are having to do this now on the eve of war, but /somebody/ couldn’t keep to the rules.” Hel growled, looking pointedly at her father.   
“Ey now you young lassy don’t you go talkin bout your father like that!” The thick, Irish accented voice came from what looked like a seventeen year old kid with a ridiculously long, bushy, and extremely out of place beard. The boy adjusted his eye patch. “I may want to kill him myself but I won’t be havin mei granddaughter speaking so sourly.” 
Loki: From the corner of the room, Loki rolled his eyes, slumped in a seat and looking already incredibly bored. His voice dripped with unrestrained sarcasm. “Oh great, another family conversation already going sooo pleasantly, hm? Listen to all the unfettered love for each other in our voices. Eh, let’s just get the big lovely-dovey snuggle over with and get on our merry way.”
Thor: “Oh you are so petty brother,” Thor said, crossing his arms and shaking his head. “And father, why doth thou still dote that ludicrous beard of sheep fluff? It is not becoming of the apparent age you chose for your body. It’s looks superfluous.” 
“Like you’re one to talk you oaf!” Odin snapped. “This beard represents my wisdom and age, while the body represents my strong and young spirit you prick!” He pointed a finger at him. “And don’t even get me started about your mortal form! You just copied that muscle monk from Cambodia and slapped a yellow European headdress on top!”   
“You dare doth insult me?!”
“That’s not even the proper way to use those words!”
Midgardsormr: Such bickering.  Such feuding.  Thy ways are amusing, Midgardsormr shook his great head, snorting.  He glared at Thor as though he were some foolish but powerful oaf.  Then his attention returned to the others.  Why is it that I was called?  My children call me.  My tail demands more chewing.  Let us talk.  Eve of battle approaches.
Frigga: Ugh, don’t they ever stop talking.
“Darlings, please! We hardly ever see each other, must we bicker all the time? You all look lovely,” Frigga stopped twirling the pen in her fingers, her gentle voice somehow rising above the shouting. She smiled sweetly, “Midgardsormr has the right idea. We must get on with our business, I have to return to Fensalir soon. Fulla is holding it for me, the precious soul.”
Loki: “Business? What business, hm?” Loki cackled. “What can we possibly agree on at this point, chums? Is this even worth anything? Why don’t I just leave now? Ya’ll can yab while I go attend to some important pre-apocalyptic matters.” He did not stand, though his feet shifted, as though he really were thinking of getting up and leaving.
Hel: “Stay where you are daddy!” Hel snapped. “This has to do with you!”
“That it does,” Odin declared.
Hel heaved a sigh. “Now…look guys, I know I bent the rules by collecting souls a touch…and TOUCH early. But you,” she said, looking pointedly at Loki. “Threw the us damned book out the window! You tried to steal my soul, kidnapped me, which in turn caused a good deal of discord among my followers! That and you turned one of my own against me! And then Fregga starts hanging around my followers and it became all too much! Look! Odin and I are going to war soon!”
“That we are!”
“And these loop holes need to stop!”
“That they do!”
“Because otherwise I am going to go crazy!”
“Yes she will-!”
“Father!” Thor interjected. “Wilth thou shut it!?”
“Rack off you anatomically cursed oaf!”
“I keep tellingth you my true form does not look like that!” Thor protested.  
“Well it would fit your personality!” Hel snapped. 
Loki: “Ohhh cooooommmeeee oooon! I like how you’re trying to pin it on me, Giggles,” Loki shouted above the raised voices, trying to get in between Hel’s, Odin’s, and Thor’s shouting. He might not have been entirely successful, but he kept trying anyway. Better that than insulting Thor’s appearance. “You haven’t been any better, any of you. We follow the rules book, we see what isn’t written, we go for it. And you know what?” Loki glared at the entire family in the room, and for the first time, he appeared not just irritated but outright murderous, “whatever we say here won’t change the fact I am fighting here and only for myself in the coming days! Eh? And I will pull no punches.
”I don’t care about ‘loopholes.’ I just care about winning.”
Odin: “That’s what we’re all doing!” Odin yelled back. “Don’t pretend like it’s some big secret! That’s the point of this damn war! Survival!”
“Well /I/ happen to be fighting for myself! AND my children!” Hel said. “And all I ask is that whatever cheating kiniving things we plan and do to each other we leave the humans out of it. Until day of battle of course! Can we at LEAST! at LEAST do that?!”
Loki: “Alternate proposition,” Loki said, holding up a finger. “We start all fighting, humans and all, now. Make today the day of battle, hm?”
Thor: “I agree!” Thor declared. “Brother I will fight thou tomorrow in the south! Besides, I have been looking for a time to test our abilities.”
“Hel and I already have an appointment so we’ll meet then. I think Loki is right, enough waiting has been down. Now it is time for action!” Odin said.
“Good!” Hel said. “We’ll get to it…finally. And after that same rules apply. Get your own souls, no more messing with humans unless they are not aligned.” 
Category:BOTGD
Category:Season 5
Category:Events
Category:Odin
Category:Hel (deity)
Category:Loki Laufeyson
Category:Thor
Category:Midgardsormr
Category:Frigga