Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III/Transcript

==Transcript==
[Somewhere in Japan 1603]
Prince Kenshin, you must turn back.
Return with us at once.
No!
Give up your weapon.
Do not harm him.
Take him prisoner.
No! You will have to kill me first.
Take him to the castle.
Mitsu!
[in the present]
Beat it.
All right.
Rock 'n' roll!
Mikey: Uh oh. Turtle tantrum.
Donnie: Hold it. Oh, Raph, come on.
Leo: What's going on, Raph?
Raph: Nothing.
Splinter: Have patience, my son.
Raph: What are we doing this for? Day after day, practicing, killing ourselves, for what?
Splinter: Oh, Raphael.
Raph: Nobody appreciates us. Nobody sees us. Nobody even knows we're alive down here!
April: Hey, guys. How's it going?
Donnie: Hi. Fine. Good hair day?
April: Brought you some stuff.
Donnie: I love stuff.
Mikey: Goodies! Later.
Leo: Let's see what's in the bags.
April: OK, here are the keys to my apartment... somewhere... stop peeking! No peeking.
Mikey: I'm not peeking. I'm spelunking for pork rinds.
April: Don't lose them. God, I need this vacation.
Leo: Take us with you, April.
Donnie: Come on, take us with you.
April: Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, guys. My suitcases are very full.
Oh, too bad.
April: Hey, I didn't forget about you guys. I bought a lot of fun stuff at the flea market for you.
All right!
April: OK, where's Raph?
Donnie: He's in another funk.
April: Again?
Leo: A major funk.
April: Maybe this'll cheer him up.
Donnie: Hey, smooth.
April: Pretty cool, huh?
Mikey: Nifty lid!
April: All right, this is for Mikey. All righty.
Donnie: Hey, it's a lampshade.
April: Let's see. What else do we have here? And for Leonardo, there you go. And Donatello...
Leo: Japanese swords!
April: This'll keep you busy while I'm gone.
Thanks.
April: All right, and for Splinter… where is he anyway?
Leo: He's doing rat stuff.
April: Found this... actually, I don't really know what it is. Some kind of a weird antique or something. I think it's Japanese.
Mikey: Elvis Presley in "Blue Hawaii."
Leo: You're so cute.
Donnie: A super androdyne radio with triode tubes! Boss!
Leo: Hey, what's that, April?
April: Some kind of weird Japanese antique... egg timer.
Kenshin, I forbid you to leave the castle. You have disgraced me.
It is you who have disgraced me, Father… with your unjust war.
Walker. Walker, you're alive.
Yes, I'd say that was a fair assumption. Survived a shipwreck, built some new ones, and, well... here I am, hungry again. Niles! Move along, lads. Your sentries, I believe. Must be a great comfort to know…  how well-protected you are, Lord Norinaga. Kenshin, inside!
Now!
Children are such a pest, aren't they? Especially when they side with the enemy.
Oh, dear. Damn nuisance.
I just keep birds now.
Little finches.
Shut up, Niles.
Right. I have three ships sitting in your harbor…  Ioaded down with powder and muskets…  absolutely guaranteed to win your ambitious war.
Kappa.
"Open wide the gates of time."
April: Uh... guys! Guys! What's going on? Wait a second here.
Donnie: What is this? Lay low! Cover your face!Mikey: Feels like tornado weather!
No way!
Donnie: She's a man!
Both: April?
Ken: Kappa!
Splinter: Ohaiyo gozaimasu.
[Ken faints]
Donnie: You have that effect on people, don't you, master?
Splinter: Out cold.
April: Hi.
Mikey: Wakey, wakey. Wake up. Hey, guys, these clothes look familiar to you? Wake up. Wake up… weird-looking James Dean dude. I think he's coming around.
Ken: Kappa!
Mikey: Cappa? Cappuccino? Nah, it makes me hyper. What's a kappa?
Splinter: Ancient Japanese demon. Some were good, and some were very bad.
Ken: Yes. Demons.
Leo: Hey, he speaks English!
Raph: Where's he from anyways?
Leo: Well, judging from sword, I'd say feudal Japan.
Donnie: That explains why he speaks our language. See, England started trading with Japan...
Raph: All right, already.
Mikey: How'd you get in April's pants?
Raph: I want to know what happened to April.
Splinter: It seems the scepter has magic powers…  and somehow transported them both through time.
Mikey: Hold on, dudes. If April's back in feudal Japan, does that mean we, like… have to ride that scepter back through time to get her?
Splinter: You have no choice, my son.
Mikey: Awesome! But do you think they had pizza back then?
Leo: Get out of town.
Niles: What's going on, Captain?
Walker: Ignorant, superstitious fools.
Niles: We was just wondering!
Walker: Them, you moronic toad! They seem to think the woman's some kind of witch.
Niles: She's some sort of a witch! Shut up.
Some sort of a witch!
Yeah.
Walker: Would you keep quiet!
April: Sorry? Look, I took Spanish in high school. Hey, easy. Next time, ask me to turn it off.
Norinaga: Where is my son, witch?
April: Hey, I really don't have a clue, OK.. so why don't you just drop this macho stuff?
Walker: Lord Norinaga, allow me. The Daimyo and his court believe that you're a witch... who has somehow managed to spirit away his son. Is this true?
April: Yeah, it's true. I am a witch. See that? I shrunk four incredibly cool guys... and I locked them in there. 
Walker: Really? Then go ahead, witch, shrink me.
April: Don't push me, Ruffles… or I'll melt you into a steaming puddle of puke.
Walker: She has no power. Let me question her about your son. Then you can roast her, toast her… chop her into tiny little pieces… and feed her to the birds.
Nori: No. I want her to suffer.
Donnie: Let's see here. If I subtract the cosine from the inverted integer… then I can take the flangeler and put that here. That's it! Of course! It's equal mass displacement! See, guys, for every one of us that goes back…  someone from the past will come here. But the problem is…  that switch will only work under one condition. You know what that is?
Leo: Tuesdays?
Raph: Groundhog's Day?
Donnie: Great.
Ken: It will only work if the magic travelers… each have the same weight.
Donnie: Bingo. Gee, you guys do have a good educational system, huh?
Mikey: Step back, dudes. I just brought us some heavy artillery.
Casey: Donny! Long time! Leo, how's it going?
Leo: Hey, Casey, welcome back.
Casey: Hey, Raph, how'd your brain implant go, good?
Raph: What? Funny.
Casey: Anyway, enough of this camaraderie. When do we get together and bust some skulls?
Leo: Hold it there, Casey. You're not gonna do any head-breaking this time. Sorry, guy.
Casey: What was that? You want to run that by me again? How come?
Raph: 'Cause we need somebody to stay here with Splinter…  in case the time bandit here decides to flip out. If it ain't too much of an inconvenience.
Casey: It'll be a serious honor.
Splinter: It is time to go, my sons. Donatello, we shall wait by the scepter…  every twelve hours as you have instructed.
Donnie: Correct, Master Splinter, but the space-time continuum…  will be out of phase after sixty hours.
Casey: Wait a second. Time-out. What does all that mean in American?
Donnie: If we don't come back in two and a half days…  we're turtle soup.
Casey: Bummer.
April: Why don't you get a real job, cue ball? Hey, hey. You know what? This is a Rolex. It's a gold Rolex. You want it? Let me out of here!
Whit: If you stay with Walker, you die. You come with me, you live.
Niles: Lock him up, lads. You! Up, fool, up. Well, well, well. What have we got here? Give us a kiss, duckling, while you still got your lips. You're not the first one to do that to me. There you are, Mr. Whit. You can lead your stinking mutiny in here! Good night, me little tweety birds. Come on, lads. Goodbye, Whit!
April: Casey? Yeah, you look familiar, too.
Splinter: The scepter will be in the temple… which means you will bereplaced by four priests.
Leo: Nothing to it.
Ken: Now we must please try to hurry. Mitsu is in great danger.
Raph: Mits-who?
Ken: Yes, Mitsu. She is the woman who leads…  the rebellion against my father. She is the most courageous and beautiful woman...
Raph: Yeah, we get the picture. Can we go now?
Ken: Enough Mitsu already.
Donnie: T-minus two minutes and counting. Let's go, Mikey. What?
Leo: Mikey? Why are you wearing shorts?
Mikey: Kenshin switched with April and got her clothes.
Leo: Yeah, so?
Mikey: So this is for whoevercomes through in my place... so they won't arrivebare-butt naked. I got three more pairs.
Splinter: No! We have no time for this scientific debate.
Leo: Yes, master. Come on, guys, let's go.
Donnie: It's time.
Splinter: Kids.
Leo: The inscription says, "Open wide the gates of time."
Raph: All right already. Let's go!
Splinter: Go with care, my sons, and return with swiftness.
Leo: We will not fail you, Master Splinter. OK, guys. Hold on now. Here we go.It's starting to work. Hang on!
Mikey: Make sure your tray tables… are in their full upright positions! Hang on to your shells, dudes!
Ken: This is very bad. They are not four priests.  They are my father's honor guard.
Splinter: The scepter was not in the temple.
Ken: There must have been a battle.
Casey: I knew it. I'm missing all the fun.
Leo: Where are the priests? Where's the temple?
Donnie: Talk about your quantum leap.
Mikey: Hey, dudes, check it out! We're in "Shogun"!
Leo: Hey, where'd we get these clothes?
Mikey: These guys are pretty serious.
Leo: How do you steer this thing?
Donnie: There's no steering wheel on mine.
Mikey: You're lucky! Mine doesn't even have a head! Watch out for the people!
Donnie :This isn't too good.
Mikey: Don't these things ever run out of gas?
Donnie: I think I swallowed a frog.  Hope it wasn't an ancestor.
Raph: That was fun.
Leo: Well, at least the time travel worked.
Raph: We're here five minutes, and already we lost…  one brother, the magic scepter...
Donnie: Our dignity...
Raph: And no April.
Leo: Hey, where's Mikey?
Donnie: Last time I saw him, he was doing this...
Raph: Jeez, what else could happen?
Mikey: Whoa, Buttermilk! Good horsey! Good horsey! Who turned out the lights? I think I saw this on "Bonanza" once.
[He yells until something knocked him off his horse. The scepter went flying.]
Casey: OK, boys, who's first in line? Come on. Ancient wusses.
Ken: Even here, you find me.
Splinter: No. Put down your sword, Kenshin. They are not enemies, only lost warriors…  like yourself.
Leo: So far this disguise has worked… but we're turtles, not honor guards.
Raph: Thanks for pointing that out, Leo. That would explain the large shell on my back.
Leo: Well, you don't have to be so sarcastic.
Raph: Well, I'm sorry, Leo, but that's my nature.
Norinaga: You see, Walker, we do not need your help. We're victorious without your guns. Today my honor guard carried my own secret weapon.
Walker: Really? Well, that's very good news.
Nori: Where are my honor guards? Murata, find my honor guards.
Yes!
Now! Right away!
You!
Come here. Now!
Donnie: I told you these outfits would get us into trouble.
Leo: Let's go.
Blend in.
Yeah, right.
Murata: They're coming. They're behind the wagon.
Nori: Step aside!
Where are they?
Go! Idiot!
Walker: It's very impressive, my lord.
Nori: This is very bad.
Leo: Well, they fell for it.
Raph: Shh! Keep it down, Leo.
Walker: So they've gone missing. I mean, war does have a habit of doing that to people. It's time to look to the future.
Nori: You do not understand. My honor guard carried…  a sacred family relic to ensure victory.
Walker: Ah, yes, the golden scepter. Well, one does hear things.
Nori: Secrets leak like a stink from a dead pig.
Walker: You certainly can turn a phrase, my lord. Listen to me, Daimyo. Guns ensure victory…  not some ancestral good-luck charm.
Nori: You are wrong.  If the scepter's lost, my clan is lost…  and you, Walker, will have no one…  to trade with but yourself.
Walker: Niles!
Niles: Captain?
Walker: Bring me the woman.
Leo: Come on, guys. Let's find the temple. Maybe April's still in there.
Donnie: Boy, Kenshin's dad must be seriously rich. I think I saw this place…  on "Lifestyles of the Rich and Dangerous."
Niles: "Bring me the woman, Niles." "Lick my boots, Niles." "Feed my birds, Niles." What's next, roll over and play dead? What are you looking at, you ugly lump of dung?
Raph: What? Dung, huh? You dirty... I oughta...
Donnie: Later, Popeye.
Raph: I'm going to get that guy!  You hear what he called me, Leo?
Leo: Yeah, an ugly lump of dung.
Raph: Well, that was an insult, Leo.
Leo: Not necessarily, Raph. Did you know that in some countries…  dung is used as a fuel source?
Raph: Thanks, Don.
Donnie: Hi-o, wasabi.
Raph: Hello, mustard?
Donnie: OK, so my Japanese is a little rusty. Suzuki, Kawasaki.
Raph: How about sayonara?
Donnie: That'll work.
Raph: - Ciao. Adios.
Donnie: See you later.
Niles: It's me again, Fatso-san. Open up. Hurry up! Woman! We want woman. Move it, you sot! He's not man enough to do anything.
Raph: There they are... the Three Stooges.
Donnie: Larry, Curly, and Moe.
Niles: Get her down, you fat sot!
Beat it.
See you later.
Don't ruffle me little duck's feathers. I want her for myself. Hurry up!
Raph: It's wet willy time, Moe.
Niles: Wet... what-um?
Donnie: What a maroon! Hey, what's up, April?
Leo: Oh, hi, April.
Raph: Yo, April.
April: Raph? Leo?
Donnie: Boy, some vacation! I'd fire my travel agent.
Leo: Not me. I think it's cool.
Raph: Hey, fat boy. Yeah, get him in there.
Donnie: Hey, don't forget to pack a lunch. As a matter of fact, pack three. Wow, he can actually lift that thing. That's impressive.
April: Hey, hello?
Donnie: Nice clothes, April.
April: What? Would somebody please tell me…  what the heck is going on around here?
Donnie: Well, relax, April.  It's just your ordinary…  Time-travel-equal-mass- displacement kind of thing.
Leo: Yeah, what he said.
April: So let's get out of here... now!
Whit: Wait miss!  Miss, cut me loose. They'll hang me here.
Donnie: This is my favorite part!
Raph: Come on!
Leo: Next.
April: I know I'm going to regret this.
Donnie: Hey, come and get me. Come on! Watch your head.
April: Well, come on! Hurry!
Donnie: Hey, think these guys…  have ever seen a pinball machine before? Watch. Throw them to me. Boing! Tilt!
Leo: Fight's over. We're closed.
Donnie: These guys are really pushy. They don't know when to quit. What are you doing, April?
April: Come on! I think I found a way out. Obviously not the age of chivalry. Come on!
Raph: Go! We're right behind you!
Donnie: Not another sewer!
Raph: I'll be back.
Garbage!
Leo: Boy, do I hate spinach. Raph?
Raph: Well... I'm in there. Donny?
Donnie: Mud wrestling is definitely a spectator sport. Gross. Grosser. April!
April: Here. Help me up.
Donnie: All right. I'm coming. On my way over. A little mud, no problem.
April: Help me.
Donnie: Wait, wait. I'm getting...
April: This was the worst rescue I have ever had.
Donnie: Help! I'm a turtle, and I can't get up! Thanks.
April: We'd better get out of here.
Donnie: Look on the bright side, April. We could've fallen into a big, greasy, smelly pile of…
April: Don't even say it, Don!
Whit: Hello?
Oh, hello.
Mikey: Oh, that hurts.
What a head popper!  Boy! Earth to me.  God, my neck hurts. My spots hurt.  Even my bandanna hurts.
Hey, little one.
Hey, where am I?
Donnie: Mikey! Yo, Michaelangelo!
Leo: Hey, Mikey!
April: Much better.
Donnie: A leg-o-rama.
Leo: Yeah, I'll say.
April: Hey! I'm allowed. I'm on vacation.
Donnie: Right.
Both:  Absolutely. Schwing!
Raph: Hey, Leo. Look at this water.
Leo: I don't see anything.
Raph: Exactly! No tires, no beer cans, no dead fish... just water…  clean, clear, beautiful water. Nature! I love it! Makes me want to... I don't know, migrate or something.
Donnie: Turtles don't migrate, Raph. Birds do.
Raph: Hey, I got a beak, don't I?
Leo: OK, turtles, let's move out.
Donnie: You bet.
April: Ambush!
Donnie: Here comes trouble, guys.
Leo: One... and a two!
Raph: Enjoy your swim, fellas.
Whit: Miss me?
Donnie: You like baseball here? Strike one! Strike two! You're out of there. I love that game.
April: OK. I've had enough.
Donnie: Come on, Jack! It's hammer time.
Leo: Missed! Here, hold these. Thank you.
Raph: Dance?
What?
Raph: No, no, no, lady. That ain't nice. Hey, who blew the whistle?
Donnie: Hey, look!
Leo: Hey, we're friends. We're here to find our brother, that's all.
Raph: Hey, I don't kiss on the first date, lady.
Leo: Raph, give it a rest, will you?
Mitsu: Don't be afraid. You are just like the other one.
Raph: Say what?
Leo: The other one?
Raph: Mikey?
What?
Bingo!
Leo: Our search is over!
Most excellent!
Donnie: Get down with your turtle self.
Whit: They say your friends are devils or demons.
Raph: Hey, pal, you got a relative in Brooklyn?
Whit: I figure they're mercenaries in disguise…  come to help the rebels. Invaders from the north.
Mitsu: My village!
All: Mikey!
Walker: Find Kenshin! Fire over their heads and burn this place to the ground! There's a reward for the man who brings me the scepter! Go! Burn it!Go!
Grandfather: Yoshi!
Mikey: Gunfire?
Better cover the melon.
I got to get out of here!
Burn it to the ground!
It's one of them honor guards.
There's a reward for him.
Greetings from Her Majesty.
Mikey: My heroes! Wait! I'm really a beautiful princess in disguise. Oh, swords. Break the spell! Give me a kiss!
My lord.
My lord, we've seen a monster!
What?
With a bright green head. 
Niles: What do you mean, a monster?
Mikey: Which way did they go?
Walker: Excuse me, Niles. Shouldn't you be trying to scare somebody?
Niles: But there's a demon up the road, Captain…  a wild beast with the body of a man…  and the head of the devil himself.
Walker: Listen to me, you cretinous idiot…  it's nothing but a Samurai…  wearing one of hi ridiculous masks.
Niles: But…
Walker: Shut up! Get on with it!
Mikey: What the... Clint Eastwood? Hey, Butch. mDon't you know westerns are dead?
Walker: Speaking of dead...
Niles: I'll save you, Captain.
Leo: Hi there.
Mikey: You see, when I said westerns were dead…  what I meant was, uh… well, they're not dead.  'cause I forgot about Clint. You look a lot like Clint, yes, you do.
Leo: Wet willy.
Niles: Sorry, Captain!
Mikey: Dudes! Most excellent timing!
Split up!
Mikey: Hold it right there, Zorro dude!He's getting away!
Wimp!
Niles: Captain, don't leave me here! Wait for...
Yoshi: Help! Grandfather, help!
Grandfather: Yoshi!
Yoshi: Help! Grandfather, help!
Mikey: Easy, easy.
Grandfather: Yoshi! Grandson!
Mikey: Stay right here.
Mikey: I don't think I'm cut out for this hero stuff.
Michaelangelo!
Mikey: Drink some water.
Leo: What's going on?
Mikey: Well, here I go!
Raph: I don't believe it! He went in!
Mikey, no!
Raph: We've got to do something!
Mikey: Kurt Russell, eat your heart out. I think he's going to be OK.
Mitsu: Yoshi..
April: Are you all right? You scared me half to death.
Mikey: Scared me half to death.
Donnie: I can't believe you did that! You're a hero!
Mitsu: Yoshi? He has no life in him!
Leo: What's going on? Give him to me. Let me take him, please. Keep everyone back. Stay back, everyone.
Give the guy some room.
- Give me some room.
- Give him some room!
Everybody get back.
April: No, wait. Let him try.
Mitsu: No! He's casting an evil spell.
April: No, it's not an evil spell. He's helping.
Leo: Keep back, everyone. I need more time.
Mikey: Help him out.
Raph: Come on, Leo. You can do it.
Leo: One, two, three, four, five. One, two, three...
That a boy, Leo.
Raph: He did it!
- All right!
Leo: You're going to be OK, Yoshi. Here you go.
Mikey: Outstanding, dude!
Leo: Thanks.
Raph: I just hope these village people won't be afraid of us anymore.
Donnie: Well, it's a start.
Nori: Your men showed lack of courage today.
Walker: They were frightened by the demons, as were your men.
Nori: Is that so? Walker... Look. Tell me…  were the demons today not men? Real demons?
Walker: I don't know.
Nori: Old priests say once before, demons defeated my ancestors. Now they've come back for me. I agree to your price. Guns for silver and silk.
Walker: Guns for gold. Now there are demons. Before there were just men. My cannons can destroy these monsters, my lord. You can rewrite history. And I can rewrite you.
Mikey: Clothesline! Wipeout!
Donnie: Hi-yo, Silver! Oh, horse.
Raph: Hey, horsey!
Donnie: Somebody dial 911. Medic!
April: You thirsty?
Donnie: My butt.
April: You didn't find the scepter, did you?
Donnie: Nah. It's history.
Leo: Adios, amigos.
Donnie: You know, sometimes I hate that guy. Let's see...
April: Wait. Let's just hold it here, OK? If the scepter wasn't in the woods… maybe the Daimyo has it.
Donnie: No. He's been looking for it, too.
April: So what are we going to do? How are we going to get home?
Wait!
Fellas, listen.
Are you sure this isn'ta dumb thing to do?
Donnie: No, it's a smart thing to do.
Losing the old scepter was a dumb thing to do.
Mikey: I didn't lose it, OK?
April: Excuse me.
What?
April: I don't mean to spoil your little party here. This is your plan? You don't mean... you're not seriously suggesting…  that Donatello is going to make…  an incredibly arcane time travel machine, are you?
Mikey: Totally bogus.
Raph: Really stupid.
April: Well, that's a relief.
Donnie: No, that guy's going to make it. He's good with his hands. What?
Raph: Come on, April.
Where are you going?
April: To find an apartment. I have a feeling…  we're going to be here for a very long time.
An apartment?
Leo: Are there apartments in Japan?
Raph: What do I look like, a real estate agent?
Donnie: What about condos and time-shares?
Whit: Take me with you.
April: Where? New York? No. You wouldn't fit in. I mean... well, actually, you would fit in. But you wouldn't really fit in…  you know what I mean?
Whit: You could teach me.
April: No, I couldn't. Look, Whit... l'm going back real soon and... I don't want to have this conversation, OK?
Casey: Take whatever you guys need, all right? Hey, Ken. Maybe you ought to try a little decaf?
Splinter: Kenshin is unhappy. He believes they will never get home.
Casey: It ain't exactly a quick jaunt…  across the Brooklyn Bridge, is it? Hey, Ken. You know, maybe you ought to try…  a little herbal, Ken-man, know what I mean?
Ken: We can't wait for your sons! Mitsu needs me now. The scepter. Please!
Casey: Can you believe it? We're not even in the playoffs yet.
Donnie: The space-time continuum…  will be out of phase after sixty hours.
Donnie: Pick up the pace, Smithy-san. We gotta have that scepter done by tonight. You know, there is one...
MIkey: O sole mio We're talking franchises here, bud.vAll you got to do is keep your delivery…  to under thirty minutes.Let's see what we got here. Pizza. Got that, dude? Pizza. Frisbee. Also cool.
Donnie: Who frisbeed me in the face?
Mikey: I'm out of here.
Donnie: Why, I ought to... It was Mike with the thing and the lady.
Raph: Hey, chill. What is this, the Geraldo Show? You got to learn to control that temper, guy. Did I say that?
Yoshi: We're practicing fighting the Daimyo.
Raph: Fight the Daimyo? Hold on here. Fighting's for grown-ups… and that's only if you got no other choice. You guys are kids. You should be out… you should be out having fun, flying those things. Come on. We can do it together. You could teach me. 
Yoshi: Fun is for children.
Raph: And what, you're a senior citizen? Come on! It'll be easy. What did you say your name was?
Yoshi: Yoshi.
Raph: You and your buddies grab those kites…  and I'll join you later. Kids. Yoshi! Wait up! Hey! I think I'm getting this. Yoshi, what do you think? Look at that.
Samurai guard: Lord Norinaga accepts your price. Guns for gold.
Walker: Tell the Daimyo to prepare the papers.
Mikey: Sorry. I guess you want to be alone, huh?
Mitsu: I was asking the gods to protect someone.
Mikey: Kenshin? He's, like, your beau, huh?
Mitsu: You know him?
Mikey: Sort of. He kinda went on a cosmic cruise and dropped in on us. But don't worry. He'll be back…  as soon as we leave. I promise.
Mitsu: How do you know this?
Mikey: Well…  it's a kappa kind of thing. So... what's your sign?
Casey: Man! I guess it's time for a little cultural exchange... if you know what I mean. OK, guys. Let's play a little hockey.
Guard: Hockey?
Casey: Take your best shot. Come on.  Just like you saw on TV. Remember? Hey. Good. All right.
Casey:  OK. I can work with that.
Nori: Good. Tomorrow, Walker, we will use your guns.
Walker: My pleasure.
Nori: Walker.  My dungeon's very crowded.
Walker: Well, then it would only be humane…  not to take any more prisoners then, wouldn't it? You'll just have to kill everybody.
Ken: What do you hear, sensei?
Splinter: Danger.
Ken: Mitsu.
Mitsu: What is it?
Mitsu, I bring bad news from the castle.
April: It's two hours to midnight. I sure hope this works.
Yes.
Donnie: Why, this is perfect.
Mikey: What if this doesn't work, dudes?  What if we make like a cosmic U-turn…  and end up back in Godzilla land?
Leo: We don't have a choice, unless you want to stay here.
Mikey: Well, maybe we should.
Donnie: Hold it.
Raph: Yeah, right. Now, forget about Mitsu… and give me the scepter before you...
Mikey: Hey! Raph!
Give me back the scepter...
Give it over here!
- Nice going.
Raph: - Butterfingers.
Donnie: What next?
Mitsu: The Daimyo is coming in the morning… with Walker and guns.
Raph: Great.
Oh, God, man.
Raph: Hey, Yoshi.You awake, buddy? What's the matter, little man?  What's up with those tears?  What's going on here?
Yoshi: Nothing.
Raph: Nothing, huh? Well, too bad. 'Cause if something was bothering you... I got a little present here to cheer you up. It's called a yo-yo.  It's yours. I made it for you. I was going to give it to you tomorrow…  but, you know, things might get a little nuts.  I might forget.
Yoshi: You fight Daimyo in the morning?
Raph: OK, so tomorrow afternoon... I'll teach you some tricks on your yo-yo. OK, buddy?
Yoshi: Tomorrow you might die.
Raph: Yeah. OK, Yoshi, you listen to me. Tomorrow morning, you and your buddies…  go up into the mountains and you play, you hear me?  No matter what happens.
Yoshi: I cannot let you die, Raphael-san.
Raph: Don't worry, kid. Nobody's going to die. Hey, Yoshi, come on. Where you going? It's late already. Get yourself to bed. What are you doing? Yoshi, this isn't playtime. Your sister's going to kill me. What do you got?
Yoshi: For you, Raphael-san.
Raph: You didn't have to.
Yoshi: I find in the woods. Now you and the other kappa can go home. Now you no die.
Raph: Son of a snapper! LEO!  I found it! Look at this. It was here the whole time. It was under the house. Our little brother put it there.
Mikey: Mondo surprise!
Leo: We're set.
Donnie: Let me see that.
Raph: Careful, now! Easy, guys.
April:- Is it the one?
Donnie: That's the one.
Look, it's the scepter.
April: Oh, God. I can't believe it.
Raph: So you see, as long as we didn't have the scepter…  we had no choice but to stay and fight. Right?
Leo: You mean, we were set up?
Mikey: Uncool.
Raph: Very uncool.
Mikey: Mitsu. Is that for real? The vibes in here just turned bad. Let's split.
Grandfather: Wait! I am the one.  Please. I am the one…  who told my grandson to hide the scepter.
Mikey: What?
Grandfather: I want you to fight, not Mitsu. Mitsu!
Oh no.
- Come on, guys!
Raph: Let's go! Move it!
Whit: Evening.
Mikey: Let me at him!
Donnie: Mikey, stay back.
Calm down, man.
Whit: Give me the scepter, my little green friends.
Mitsu: No! Kill him!
Leo: Raph, give me the scepter.
Mikey: Man!
Whit: Bring Kenshin to the castle tonight. You'll get her back. Come morning, I was you, I'd be gone.
Mikey: He's riding off. Guys, we got to do something.
Walker: I apologize for this crude interruption, Daimyo... but perhaps this little bird will sing for your supper.
Nori: Mitsu. Why have you stolen my son?
Mitsu: I do not have your son. He's gone on a magic journey. Only the scepter can bring him back.
Nori: You are lying. You have them both.
Mitsu: I have nothing. He has the scepter.
Walker: Not as chirpy as I'd hoped. Niles.
Niles: Come on. Come on! Take her away! Come on! Move it!
Nori: How did you capture such a woman?
Walker: The same way you capture any wild animal. By setting a trap. I don't have it.
Whit: Equal partners. Right? I'm not your spy anymore.
April: I want to see the Daimyo. Easy with the hands.
Walker: Another little birdie come home to roost.
Well, April's inside. Now it's up to us.
Mikey: Is this what they mean by getting totally vertical?
Donnie: Turtles... it's not just a job. It's an adventure.
MIkey: Meow, dude! His chin's landed on my foot.
Donnie: Sayonara, blubber butt.
Mikey: Mitsu! How's it hanging, babe?
Mitsu: Michaelangelo.
Mikey: Sorry about the crack about the bad vibes. You got great vibes.
Mitsu: Quickly. We must free the others.
April: Hey, Whit!
Walker: Well, well, well. Miss O'Neil. My partner Mr. Whit and I were just discussing your future.
April: Let me tell you something about your partner here. He's scum. He's the lowest scum of the earth. No, you know something? He's lower than scum. He gives scum a bad name.
Walker: Of course he does. That's why I hired him. Take her away.
April: Now, wait a minute. I have information about the Daimyo's son.
Whit: I think she's telling the truth.
Walker: Really? Well, I don't pay you to think, do I? I pay you to lie, cheat, and steal. So why don't you go down to the harbor…  and bring back the men and their guns?
Whit: Guns?
Leo: Maybe she's up here. Nice and light now.
Raph: Love the artwork.
Donnie: Reservations for five? Under "T" maybe? Come on! Let's go!
Leo: Move it!
Raph: That's OK, fellas. We'll find a table ourselves.
Donnie: Little log there.
Everything looks cool up here. Come on.
Clear on the right.
Clear on the left.
Leo: Hey, you guys. Check it out.
Donnie: Ancient us.
Mikey: Trippy.
Mitsu: "The battle of the thousand swords." Four demons defeated the Daimyo and his army.
Donnie: Definitely family. Looks like me, but it's got Raph's beak.
Mitsu: But it was only a legend.
Mikey: Dudes, we're legends!
Hey, cool!
I like it.
Donnie: Wayne Newton.
Nori: You.
Donnie: You were expecting maybe the Addams family?
Raph: Good one.
Nori: You have come back.
Leo: Yeah, we like to drop in about every three or four centuries.
Donnie: Yeah, and it looks like you're having a rough day…  so give us the scepter back and we'll get out of here.
Nori: You have disgraced my ancestor, but you will not disgrace me. I'm willing to die. Kill them.
Mitsu: We will both die, but only one of us with honor.
Leo: Are we out of the loop hereor what?
Mikey: Chill, dude! You OK?
Turtles: Mikey, watch out!
Mikey: Oh, he who dingsthe shell must pay!
Leo: Your turn!
Raph: One, two, three, and kick!
Good night!
Donnie: Bases loaded.
Home run!
Mikey: Leapfrog!
Raph: Triple play!
Donnie: Hello.
Good-bye.
All right, good job, turtles. Yes! Leo, high foot!
All right. Let's rock 'n' roll, dudes.
More logs.
Raph: Hey, mac! Take the rest of the day off.
Donnie: I'll open the dungeon.
You guys go that way.
Mitsu: We must open the gate.
No problemo.
Scuds!
One, two, three, four.
You're free, guys. Let's go!
I love this stuff!
I get such a kickout of this job!
Hold it, bucko!
Leo: Big mistake, dude.
Nori: Go ahead. Finish me.
Leo: Okay. There. Short enough for you?
Kappa.
Hello?
Raph: Who's trapped inside?
Leo: Lord Norinaga.
Donnie: Name rings a bell.
Raph: Turtles one. Daimyo zip.
Leo: Look!
It's April.
Raph: Well, if it ain't the phantom of the opera.
Walker: Love to stay and chat, but…  places to go... people to kill.
Niles: Come on, lads!
Move it. Move it! Out of the way!
Leo: Oh, no. Guns!
Donnie: There goes the neighborhood.
Wait!
Walker: Thank you, Mr. Whit.
April: Yeah, Whit. You make a great servant. I'm real impressed.
Walker: My God! Who's your tailor?
Mikey: We're naked. 
Leo: You OK, April?
April: Sorry, guys.
Walker: We really don't have time…  for any of these social pleasantries... I'm afraid. Shoot them.
Right.
Whit: Don't move a finger!
What did you say?
Walker: I said, shoot them.
Whit: That wasn't part of the deal, Walker.
Walker: Well, if you feel like that…  you'd better join them, hadn't you? Niles!
Right.
Niles: Hey, come on.
Walker: Shoot him, too.
Niles: With pleasure!
Weasel!
Ready...
Donnie: Gee, if we die here in the past…  does that mean that we don't get born in the future?
Leo: Hey, Tinkerbell, why don't you shoot us?
Donnie: Leo, wait...
Walker: I'm sorry. Are you addressing me?
Leo: Shoot us yourself, unless you're too scared.
Mikey: I get it!
Leo: He knows he can't kill us. We're demons. Your bullets will just bounce back…  and kill all you guys instead.
Raph: Right. What he said.
Capisce?
Niles: Would you like the pleasure of the first shot, Captain?
Leo: Go ahead, punk. Make my day.
Walker: If it's going to make you all feel better...
Walker: I've got a good idea.
Raph: Where's he going?
Walker: Out. Out of the way.
Donnie: What's he doing?
Mikey: This doesn't bode well.
Donnie: Nice bluff, Mr. Leader.
Mikey: Major bummer.
Raph: We're toast.
Walker: Try this on for size.
Raph: This could hurt.
Leo: Hoo, boy, do I love being a turtle!
Walker: Yes. That's very clever. Oh, yes. Very clever.
Leo: Missed me!
Guess what time it is?
Willy, willy, willy! Willy, willy!
Mikey: Take a hike, pal.
Leo: Let's get Walker!
April: Hey, guys!
Mikey: Oh, look. Don King.
Leo: Smells like a geekran through here.
Walker: My little guys. I almost forgot you. Come on.
Raph: Where'd he go?
There he goes. Out the window.
Donnie: Over there!
Let's go!
Come on, Mikey.
We'll go out front and cut him off.
Come on, guys!
Leo: Hurry, Raph.
Raph: Right behind you, Leo.
He's up there, Donny. Come on.
All right. Let's go.
Mikey: This is so good for your calves.
Raph: Stop right there!
Mikey: Or you're a goner, dude.
Donnie: Totally.
Walker: What kind of demons are you?
Leo: We're turtles, friend.
Donnie: Of the teenage mutant ninja variety, sleazeball!
Mikey: Check it out!
Walker: This, I believe, is what you've been searching for. Go fetch.
Donnie: Wait! There goes our ride home!
Walker: Do you really think I'd make it that easy... you nasty little reptiles?
Mikey: I got it!
I got it!
I call!
Walker: Oh, not again!
Mikey, get it!
Go, Mike, go!
Nice catch. I got you!
We got it.
Donnie: Bungee jumping without a bungee. That could be dangerous.
Raph: You got that.
April: Hey, guys. We have an egg timer to catch. Let's move it.
Donnie: Buckle up, dudes. It's time to go home.
Mikey: Hey, guys. I'm not going back.
April: What?
Leo: What did you say?
Mikey: I said I'm staying here. I'm not going back with you.
April: Michaelangelo, come on. You can't be serious.
Raph: He's serious.
April: Hey, wait a minute. You are going back to New York.
Mikey: Been there, done that.
April: Michaelangelo, it's our home.
Mikey: Sure. Your home's a nice apartment. My home's a sewer.
Raph: I been thinking the same thing, Leo. People appreciate us here. We don't have to live like moles.
Donnie: Hey, whoa. No way! We're all going back. Tell him, Leo.
Leo: Actually...
April: Hey, not to sound selfish or anything…  but what the heck. Why not? I do not want to stay here.
Donnie: Me, neither. Do you think I could possibly live…  without a single microchip? Somebody's activated the scepter. We got to go now!
Splinter: Kenshin, no!
Kenshin: We wait four hundred years, and this Casey is still late.  I will wait no longer.
Splinter: Kenshin, you cannot go without the others. It would be cowardly.
Casey: Come on. Both of you. Yeah. Come on. Got to get back. Time to go. Come on, you party animals. I know. Yeah. OK. Come on. Get it together. I just wanted to give you guys…  a nice peek at the future, all right? Bet you guys feel lucky to be going back, right?
Very lucky.We're going back.
All: Not!
Casey: This could really screw up history.
April: All right. OK. Enough is enough. OK? Let's go. Come on. Guys, you cannot split up. You're brothers. Remember?
Mikey: Yeah. I guess.
Yoshi: Raphael-san.
Raph: Hey, Yoshi.
Mitsu: Yoshi wants to say good-bye.
Mikey: But we're not going back. Me and Raph are going to be staying.
Mitsu: No! Kenshin must return. You promised.
Mikey: Yeah, but...
Mitsu: Our two families must be united, or the wars will start again.
Mikey: But I thought... I want to stay here with you.
Mitsu: You will always be here with me... Michaelangelo.
Donnie: Uh-oh, guys. It's picking up speed. Come on!
There was traffic, man.
Ken: Benkei, no! Wait. No!
Leo: I been thinking. We have to go back. It's our destiny. I mean, if we stay here… we interfere with their lives, and that would be selfish.
Mitsu: Exactly.
Leo: Our lives are in New York. Right, guys?
April: It's "Star Trek" time, guys.
Raph: Hey, Yoshi man.
Yoshi: Raphael-san.
Raph: Yo, Yoshi.
Yoshi: I will never forget you, Raphael-san.
Raph: I won't forget you, either, little man. And remember, watch that temper. Hey, all right!
Casey: No, no, no. I'll put this on layaway for you, OK? All right? Give you an excuse to come back, Zen Meister, OK? All right.
KBenkei!
Casey: You got a bus to catch. Come on. Go ahead. Go ahead. Good. It's OK, man. Go ahead. It'll be all right.
Benkei!
Casey: See you later.
Later.
April: Come on, Mikey!
Mikey: If you ever get to New York...
Raph: Yeah, later, Mikey!
Mikey: OK. Destiny... what a drag! Bye.
April: Mikey! Hurry!
Mikey: I'm coming! 
Come on, Mikey!
Come on!
Mikey!
Leo: Guys, we made it back to the den.
Splinter: Michaelangelo?
April: Mikey?
Leo: Get that guy!
Donnie: He's got the scepter!
No!
Get him!
April: Grab him!
Oh, boy.
You made it back!
We thought we lost you forever, Mikey.
Raph: Thought you were a goner!
Leo: I'm glad you're OK.
Mikey: Hi, guys.
Splinter: Michaelangelo.
Ken: Father.
Nori: Kenshin.
Hockey.
Hockey.
Mitsu: Kenshin!
Splinter: Michaelangelo?
Mikey: Yes, Master Splinter?
Splinter: Something deeply troubles you, my son.
Mikey: Growing up I don't think I'll ever laugh again.
Splinter: Yo, dude!
Mikey: Yo, dude!
Splinter: Just like Elvis in "Blue Hawaii." I saw it on cable.
Oh, boy.
Donnie: Hey, Mikey!
Mikey: Raph? Donnie? Leo?
[He notices his brothers dancing and joins in as the movie ends.]
Category:Transcripts
Category:New Line Cinema Transcripts
Category:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles transcripts