Stingy vs Robbie

Stingy vs Robbie is an episode from Season 1 of SpongeBob CrazyPants. In this episode, Stingy and Robbie fight in an epic battle, but it turns out to be nothing more than a basketball game.
== Characters ==
* SpongeBob SquarePants
* Patrick Star
* Sandy Cheeks
* Patrick Jr.
* Squilliam Fancyson
* Stingy
* Robbie Rotten
* Incidental 69
* Squidward Tentacles
* Eugene H. Krabs
* Donald Trump
* Man Ray
* Satan
* Mrs Puff
* Mermaid Man
* Tony Fast Jr.
* Incidental 70
* Carl
* Gale Doppler
* Primitive Star
* Rrarg
* Gary the Snail
* Incidental 42
* The Flying Dutchman
== Transcript ==
[SpongeBob, Patrick, Sandy, Patrick Jr, and Squilliam are laying in a field]
Squilliam: My unibrow's nice, isn't it?
SpongeBob: No
Patrick: No
Sandy: No
Patrick Jr: No
Squilliam: Hmph. You're all just jealous.
Patrick: Jealous? Of that?! Ha ha ha!
Squilliam: So what did you guys get up to today? I bought a third swimming pool for my mansion. This one's Olympic sized.
SpongeBob: Uhh... I baked some krabby patties...
Patrick: I picked my nose...
Patrick Jr: I woke up, blinked twice, stepped out of bed, walked to my door while breathing and blinking five times, walked down the stairs, blinking another twelve times, opened the door to my kitchen, walked through, blinked three more times...
Sandy: Don't say EVERYTHING you did, you idiot!
Patrick Jr: Oh
Squilliam: So I have three swimming pools now. One I never use cause it's on the top floor. My lift doesn't go that high and I hate climbing stairs. Another I only use every Wednesday and Friday so I need another for the other five days...
Stingy: I have all of them.
Squilliam: All of what?
Stingy: All the swimming pools. In. The. World.
Squilliam: No you do-
Stingy: That mailbox is mine!
SpongeBob: Run! He's singing that song AGAIN!
Stingy: And that triangle sign!
Patrick Jr: That's not a song! THIS is a song! Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi! 69 is a number!
SpongeBob: AUGGH!!! Run faster! Patrick Jr's singing his awful song!
[SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy all run off]
Stingy: That blue balloon, the month of June...
Patrick Jr: You just broke into my room and disturbed my slumber!
Stingy: They're mine mine mine mine mine. Wait, how come Squilliam didn't run off?
Squilliam: Because I'm not Squilliam, I'm... [Rips off disguise] Robbie Rotten! And I challenge you to a duel!
Stingy: A duel?! This isn't 1373!
Robbie Rotten: OK, fine, a battle.
Stingy: Arrgh!
Robbie Rotten: [Rips off Robbie Rotten disguise] Just kidding, I am Squilliam.
Stingy: Oh, good.
Robbie Rotten: [Rips off Squilliam disguise] Just kidding again! I'm Robbie Rotten!
Stingy: Arrgh! Oh wait, that's not a problem because... [Rips off Stingy disguise] I'm actually Patrick Jr.
Patrick Jr: And I'm... [Rips off Patrick Jr disguise] Stingy! Wait! No! That means I have to do battle!
Robbie Rotten: Wait... is anyone here who is who they say they are?
Incidental 69: [Passing by] I'm not, I'm... [Rips off skin, revealing skeleton] oh wait, I am Incidental 69. My mistake.
Robbie Rotten: Anyway, the point is, me and Stingy will have an epic battle!
[Cut to elsewhere in Bikini Bottom] French Narrator: Meanwhile
SpongeBob: Hey! The French Narrator's back!
French Narrator: Yes, the Peppa Pig narrator tied me up. Thankfully, Sandy defeated him and saved me in an incredibly epic battle that none of you will ever be able to see! Ha ha!
SpongeBob: The audience will be pretty disappointed by that.
Stingy: Hey! Don't break the fourth wall!
Patrick: Where did you come from?
Stingy: I...
Sandy: Where'd Squilliam go?
Stingy: He turned out to be Robbie Rotten in disguise! He...
SpongeBob: Where did Patrick Jr go?
Stingy: I was disguised as Patrick Jr but Patrick Jr was disguised as me. I was wondering why another me was...
Patrick: Why were you disguised as Patrick Jr?
Stingy: No reaso...
Sandy: Why was Patrick Jr disguised as you?
Stingy: ENOUGH QUESTIONS!!! Also Robbie Rotten challenged me to an epic battle.
SpongeBob: Oh kool.
[Bubble transition to Bikini Bottom Arena]
Stingy: Wow, this looks scary! Good thing I don't have to fight cause I'm actually [Rips of Stingy disguise to reveal he's Robbie Rotten] Arrgh! I'm Robbie Rotten! I still have to fight!
[The real Stingy comes in]
Stingy: Give up now, Robbie! This whole fight is MINE!!!
Robbie Rotten: Oh, sorry, did I say fight? I meant basketball tournament.
Stingy: Wha- Then why are we in an arena instead of the basketball court?
Robbie: It was booked up.
Stingy: Surely there's a better place than this?
Robbie: This was the place closest in size to a basketball court.
Stingy: Why couldn't we play at a different time?
Robbie: This is the only day in the next two weeks I don't have anything on. Tomorrow I have a job interview, the day after that I'm getting a haircut, then I'm babysitting Patrick Jr, then I have to appear in court...
Stingy: OK fine. But don't we have teams?
Robbie: Yup! It's five a side! On my team are the league of villains! Donald Trump, Mr Krabs...
Mr Krabs: Hey, I know I can let me money obsession get to me head once in a while, but is villain really the best word?
Robbie: One episode you drove your childhood friend to SUICIDE!!!
Mr Krabs: Well, there's that...
Robbie: Then there was the episode where you tortured an innocent snail for pocket change.
Mr Krabs: That wasn't pocket change! I made over $2,000!
Robbie: And then there was that time where you destroyed several people's lives because it helped sell your newspaper.
Mr Krabs: OK, fine, I can get a bit villainous sometimes...
Robbie: Anyway, on my team are Donald Trump, Mr Krabs, Man Ray, and Satan.
Stingy: Well on my team are a bunch of greedy people! I got... um... Mr Krabs! Oh wait, he's on the opposing team... uh... OK fine, I'll just have a bunch of random people. I'll have SpongeBob, Patrick, Sandy, and, uh...
Patrick Jr: Can I be on your team?
Stingy: The short answer is no.
Patrick Jr: What's the long answer?
Stingy: Noooooooo. I'll have... uh... Squidward.
Squidward: Whatever. Like I care.
Robbie: OK the match starts in 3... 2... 1... Go!
[Robbie uses a teleportation ray to teleport the ball into his net]
Robbie: Ha ha! I scored!
Stingy: That's cheating!
Patrick Jr: Stingy?
Stingy: NO!
Patrick Jr: Yay! The question I was going to ask was "Will I NOT be the referee"!
Stingy: AAARRGH!!! Anyway Robbie just scored by cheating.
Patrick Jr: There's nothing in the rulebook about using a teleportation ray!
Stingy: It says so there! Wait, no, that's about using FREEZE rays...
Patrick Jr: Just continue the game.
Stingy: If you can cheat, so can I!
Robbie: While you weren't looking I teleported the ball into the net 50 times!
Stingy: Yeah, but I switched the goals while arguing with Patrick Jr about the rules!
Squidward: So did I.
SpongeBob: So did I.
Sandy: So did I.
Mr Krabs: So did I.
Robbie: Why?! You're on my team!
Mr Krabs: Yeah, but I bet all my money on Stingy, so I want him to win.
Patrick: I switched the nets too.
Incidental 69: So did I.
Patrick Jr: So did I.
Mrs Puff: So did I.
Mermaid Man: So did I.
Tony Fast Jr, Incidental 70, Carl from Selling Out, Gale Doppler, Primitive Star, the person who refused to serve Patrick in the Patrick Fails Season 38 episode French Fry Failure, Rrarg, Gary the Snail, Incidental 42, and The Flying Dutchman: So did we!
Stingy: Wait, that's 20 people, which is an even number... so the points go to you! Urrgh!
Patrick Jr: That's 102 (I think idk how basketball works) points to Robbie's team!
Squidward: ARRGH!!! My nose is coming alive!
Patrick: Again?! That's the third time this week! And it's a MONDAY!
Squidward: Yeah, because yesterday Satan put a curse on me so that every time I picked my nose, it would turn into a demon!
Satan: Yeah, because it's a disgusting habit you need to break!
SpongeBob: Guys, there's a demon on the loose in the arena! We shouldn't be pettily arguing!
[Everyone runs off screaming]
Squidward's nose: GRRRR!!!
Mr Krabs: Nooo! Now Stingy will never win and I'll never get the money!
Robbie: Why did you bet against your own team anyway?
Mr Krabs: Because I thought that team would win!
Robbie: Then why'd you join my team?
Mr Krabs: It paid 20 cents moar!
Bubble Bass: What we need is a deus ex...
Primitive Star: Nope. You only get one per season.
Bubble Bass: What?!?!? Why didn't you tell me that earlier? Now I used mine up on the second episode!
Stingy: Hey! Don't break the fourth wall!
Bubble Bass: Don't you have something better to do? Urgh... I guess I'll have to do an epic battle.
Satan: Oh don't worry. It turns back into his nose after an hour.
[Squidward's nose turns back into a nose]
Stingy: Oh good. Now we can continue with the game.
Bubble Bass: Wait, isn't that a deus ex...
Stingy: HEY!!! If you break the fourth wall one more time...
Satan: Oh, by the way, guys? I just froze time and scored 43,252,003,274,489,856,000 times.
Patrick Jr: There's a rule against freezing time during a match.
Man Ray: One second. [Goes back in time to when the basketball rules were being written] Hey you!
Guy: Do you mind? I'm trying to write some basketball rules.
Man Ray: That one about freezing time is ridiculous. What are the chances someone will do that?
Guy: Eh, I guess you're right. I'll remove it.
Man Ray: [Returns to the present] Check the rule book about the time freezing one.
Patrick Jr: Ok, but it'll still be... What the hell?! It's disappeared! 43 million points to Robbie's team!
Squidward: [Begins to lift his finger to his nose]
[Everyone beats up Squidward]
Squidward: Oops, almost picked my nose there.
Patrick Jr: [Blows the final whistle] The scores are 6,086,555,670,238,378,989,670,371,734,243,169,622,657,830,773,351,885,970,528,324,860,512,791,691,264 to Robbie's team and -5 to Stingy's team.
Stingy: What?????
Mr Krabs: Nooo! Me money!
Robbie: Ha ha ha! I win! This means I... wait, why were we doing this again?
Stingy: Bah! [Rips off Stingy disguise to reveal Robbie Rotten] You win again, Stingy!
Robbie: [Rips off Robbie Rotten costume to reveal Stingy] Ha ha ha ha ha!
Mr Krabs: YEEEEEEEEES!!! I'm rich!
Patrick Jr: Wait, why were you costumed in the first place?
Robbie: No reason.
[The episode ends with Mr Krabs singing Feeling of Greed]
== Reviews ==
* Primitive Star: 10/10, I love the scene at the beginning with everyone revealing that they're wearing disguises, especially the bit with Incidental 69.
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