IG-88's Adventures of Star Wars Episode I (remake) transcript

KEY:
* = Censor sounds will be heard on some lines.
MPAA: PG-13 for Sci-Fi Action Violence, Intense Images, and Language.
 Opening Logos come into play until the IG-88's Adventures Intro plays.
 
 "A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...."
 
 A vast sea of stars serves as the backdrop for the MAIN TITLE, 
 followed by a ROLL UP, which crawls up into infinity.
 
 "EPISODE 1 THE PHANTOM MENACE"
 
 "Turmoil has engulfed the Galactic Republic. The taxation of 
 trade routes to outlaying star systems is in dispute. Hoping 
 to resolve the matter with a blockade of deadly battleships, 
 the greedy Trade Federation has stopped all shipping to the 
 small planet of Naboo.
 
 While the congress of the Republic endlessly debates this 
 alarming chain of events, the Supreme Chancellor has secretly 
 dispatched two Jedi Knights, the guardians of peace and 
 justice in the galaxy, to settle the conflict....."
 
 PAN DOWN to reveal a small space cruiser heading TOWARD CAMERA 
 at great speed. PAN with the cruiser as it heads towardthe 
 beautiful green planet of Naboo, which is surrounded by 
 hundreds of Trade Federation battleships.
 
 INT. REPUBLIC CRUISER - COCKPIT
 
 In the cockpit of the cruise, the CAPTAIN and PILOT maneuver 
 closer to one of the battleships.
 
 Qui Gon (OS): Captain.
 
 The Captain turns to an unseen figure sitting behind her.
 
 
 CAPTAIN: Yes Sir?
 
 QUI-GON (O.S.)
 Tell them we wish to board at once.
 
 CAPTAIN
 Yes, sir.
 
 The CAPTAIN looks to her view screen, where NUTE GUNRAY, a 
 Neimoidian trade viceroy, waits for a reply.
 
 CAPTAIN
 With all due respect for the Trade 
 Federation, the Ambassadors for the 
 Supreme Chancellor wish to board 
 immediately.
 
 NUTE
 Yes, yes, of coarse...ahhh...
 
 Cinema SNob: As you may know, Our blockade is perfectly legal, and we'd be in perfect shape to receive the Ambassadors of this cruiser.
 
 The screen goes black. Out the cockpit window, the sinister 
 battleship looms ever closer.
 
 EXT. FEDERATION BATTLESHIP - DOCKING BAY - SPACE (FX)
 
 The small space cruiser docks in the enormous main bay of 
 the Federation battleship.
 
 INT. FEDERATION BATTLESHIP - DOCKING BAY - SPACE
 
 A PROTOCOL DROID, TC-14, waits at the door to the docking 
 bay. Two WORKER DROIDS, PK-4 and EG-9 watch.
 
 PK-4
 They must be important if the Viceroy 
 sent one of those useless protocol 
 gearheads to greet them.
 
 The door opens, and the Republic cruiser can be seen in the 
 docking bay. Two darkly robed figures are greeted by TC-14.
 
 TC-14
 I'm TC-14 at your service. This way, 
 please.
 
 They move off down the hallway.
 
 EG-9
 A Republic cruiser! That's 
 trouble...don't you think?
 
 PK-4
 I'm not made to think.
 
 INT. FEDERATION BATTLESHIP - CONFERENCE ROOM
 
 A door slides open, and the two cloaked shapes are led PAST 
 CAMERA into the formal conference room by TC-14.
 
 TC-14
 I hope you honoured sirs with the 
 most comfortable here. My master 
 will be with you shortly.
 
 The droid bows before OBI-WAN KENOBI and QUI- GON JINN. He 
 backs out the door and it closes. The JEDI lower their hoods 
 and look out a large window at the lush green planet of Naboo. 
 QUI-GON sixty years old, has long white hair in a ponytail. 
 He is tall and striking, with blue eyes. OBI-WAN is twenty 
 five, with very short brown hair, pale skin, and blue eyes. 
 Several exotic, bird-like creatures SING in a cage near the 
 door.
 
 OBI-WAN
 I have a bad feeling about this.
 
 IG-88: What are you talking about? I don't see anything evil or sinister.
 
 OBI-WAN
 It's not about the mission, 88, 
 it's somethging...elsewhere...elusive.
 
 QUI-GON
 Don't center on your anxiety, Obi-
 Wan. Keep your concentration here 
 and now where it belongs.
 
 OBI-WAN
 Master Yoda says I should be mindful 
 of the future...
 
 QUI-GON
 ...but not at the expense of the 
 moment. Be mindful of the living 
 Force, my young Padawan.
 
 Gina: But Qui Gon, how will the Trade Federation deal with Chancellor Palpatine's demands?
 
 QUI-GON
 These Federation types are cowards. 
 The negotiations will be short.
 
 
 
 INT. FEDERATION BATTLESHIP - BRIDGE
 
 NUTE GUNRAY and DAULTRAY DOFINE stand, stunned, before TC-
 14.
 
 NUTE
 (shaken)
 What?!? What did you say?
 
 TC-14
 The Ambassadors are Jedi Knights, I 
 believe.
 
 Nostalgia Critic: I KNEW IT! THEY WERE HERE TO MAKE THE SETTLEMENT!
 
 NUTE
 Stay calm? I'll wager the Senate 
 isn't aware of the Supreme 
 Chancellor's moves here. Go. Distract 
 them until I can contact Lord Sidious.
 
 DOFINE
 Are you brain dead? I'm not going in 
 there with two Jedi! Send the droid.
 
 Dofine turns to TC-14, who lets out a squeaky sigh.
 
 Nostalgia Critic: But..
 
 Dofine: DO IT!!!
 
 Nostalgia Critic: *sigh* Fine.
 
 INT. FEDERATION BATTLESHIP - CONFERENCE ROOM
 
 OBI-WAN
 Is it their nature to make us wait 
 this long?
 
 IG-80: Yeah. This is not a Five Star Restaurant that makes us wait for hours.
 
 The door to the conference room slides open, and TC-14 enters 
 with a tray of drinks and food.
 
 QUI-GON
 No. I sense an unusual amount of 
 fear for something as trivial as 
 this dispute.
 
 Obi-Wan takes a drink.
 
 IG-80: Yo TC. Got any Coca Cola?
 
 TC-14: No. We don't serve Beer in a starship.
 
 IG-80: WHAT!? COCA COLA IS NOT A BEER! *sigh* What Else Ya Got?
 
 TC-14: Energon.
 
 IG-80: UGH. The beverages here suck. HARD.
 
 INT. FEDERATION BATTLESHIP - BRIDGE
 
 Nute, Dofine, and Rune Haako are before the hologram of Darth 
 Sidious, a robed figure whose face is obscured by a hood.
 
 DOFINE
 This scheme of yours has failed, 
 Lord Sidious. The blockade is 
 finished! We dare not go against 
 these Jedi.
 
 Linkara: Neither the squad themselves!
 
 DARTH SIDIOUS
 I don't want that stunted slime in 
 my sight again. Do you understand?
 
 Nute gives Dofine a fierce look, and Dofine, terrified, rushed 
 off the bridge.
 
 DARTH SIDIOUS
 This turns of events is unfortunate. 
 We must accelerate our plans, Viceroy. 
 Begin landing your troops.
 
 Robbie V: Master, Is that even legal!?
 
 DARTH SIDIOUS
 I will make it legal.
 
 AVGN: But what about the squad and the Jedi?
 
 DARTH SIDIOUS
 The Chancellor should never have 
 brought them into this. Kill them, 
 immediatly.
 
 NUTE
 Ye..Yes, My Lord. As you wish.
 
 INT. REPUBLIC CRUISER - COCKPIT - DOCKING BAY
 
 In the Cockpit of the Cruiser, the Captain and Pilot look up 
 and see a gun turret swing around and point directly at them.
 
 Angry Joe: You sure this is gonna work?
 
 Loki: Hey! I'm a skilled pilot of this Cruiser! So Quiet Down Or I'll Shut it for you.
 
 PILOT
 Captain !? Look !!
 
 CAPTAIN
 No! Warn...
 
 Angry Joe: Too Late!
 
 EXT. FEDERATION BATTLESHIP - HANGER BAY
 
 The battle gun fires. The Republic Cruiser explodes, with the explosion repeating several times, both in fast and slow motion.
 
 INT. FEDERATION BATTLESHIP - CONFERENCE ROOM
 
 Gui-Gon and Obi-Wan leap up to a standing position with their 
 light sabers drawn. TC-14 jumps back, startled, spilling the 
 drinks tray.
 
 TC-14
 Ahhh, Sorry, sir. The Viceroy...
 
 Dipper: Oh God Please Tell me our ship didn't explode.
 
 IG-86: According to my Alert system, It did.
 
 IG-88: Dammit! How are we ever gonna get out of here?!
 
 Gui-Gon and Obi-Wan turn off their swords and listen intently. 
 A faint hissing sound can be heard.
 
 GUI-GON
 Dioxis!
 
 Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan each taken a sudden deep breath and 
 holding it. The exotic bird-like creatures in the cage dorp 
 dead.
 
 INT. FEDERATION BATTLESHIP - HALLWAY
 
 A hologram of NUTE , surrounded by BATTLE DROIDS, appears in 
 the conference room hallway.
 
 NUTE
 They must be dead by now. Blast, 
 what's left of them.
 
 Chad Rocco: Roger that Nute.
 
 The hologram fades off, as a BATTLE DROID, OWO-1, cautiously 
 opens the door. A deadly green cloud billows from the room. 
 BATTLE DROIDS cock their weapons as a figure stumbles out of 
 the smoke. It is TC-14 , carrying the tray of drinks.
 
 TC-14
 Oh, excuse me, so sorry.
 
 The PROTOCOL DROID passes the armed camp just as two flashing 
 laser swords fly out of the deadly fog, cutting down several 
 BATTLE DROIDS before they can fire.
 
 INT. FEDERATION BATTLESHIP - BRIDGE
 
 The bridge is a cocophony of alarms. NUTE and RUNE watch OWO-
 1 on the viewscreen.
 
 OWO-1
 Not sure exactly what...
 
 OWO-1 is suddenly cut in half in mid-sentence. RUNE gives 
 NUTE a worried look.
 
 Chad Rocco (Emerging from the Bridge): They came out of nowhere! Through the gas!
 
 Spoony: Well then do something!
 
 Chad Rocco: I can't! They're getting blown up!
 
 Bully Ray: Brilliant! That's What we needed. Fewer Droids! F**K! Nute, Any other ideas to prevent these guys from entering the bridge?
 
 NUTE
 Well, not exactly, but I don't...
 (panicked)
 Seal off the bridge.
 
 RUNE
 That won't be enough, sir.
 
 Nostalgia Critic: SEAL OFF THE BRIDGE TERL!
 
 Rune: FINE! I WILL!
 
 The doors to the bridge SLAM shut.
 
 NUTE
 I want destroyer droids up here at 
 once!!!
 
 RUNE
 We will not survive this.
 
 INT. FEDERATION BATTLESHIP - HALLWAY - OUTSIDE BRIDGE
 
 QUI-GON cuts several BATTLE DROIDS in half, creating a shower 
 of sparks and metal parts. OBI-WAN raises his hand, sending 
 several BATTLE DROIDS crashing into the wall.
 
 IG-88: Well, that's the last of them. All Is Left is that bridge right there.
 
 QUI-GON makes his way to the bridge door and begins to cut 
 through it.
 
 INT. FEDERATION BATTLESHIP - BRIDGE
 
 The CREW is very nervous as sparks start flying around the 
 bridge door.
 
 Spoony: Things are not looking good here. Things are NOT LOOKING GOOD HERE!!!
 
 Robbie V: Oh Shut Up Spoony.
 
 QUI-GON and OBI-WAN are on the view screen.
 
 NUTE
 Close the blast doors!!!
 
 The huge, very thick blast door slams shut, followed by a 
 second door, then a third. There is a hissing sound as the 
 huge doors seal shut. QUI-GON tabs the door with his sword. 
 The screen goes black as a red spot appears in the center of 
 the blast door.
 
 RUNE
 
 ...They're still coming through!
 
 Spoony: Oh God!
 
 On the door, chunks of molten metal begin to drop away.
 
 NUTE
 Impossible!! This is impossible!!
 
 RUNE
 Where are those destroyer droids?!
 
 Linkara: Sending them in right now!
 
 Rune: Good!
 
 INT. FEDERATION BATTLESHIP - HALLWAY - OUTSIDE BRIDGE
 
 Ten ugly destroyer WHEEL DROIDS roll down the hallway at 
 full speed. Just before they get to the bridge area, they 
 stop and transform into their battle configuration. QUI-GON 
 can't see them but senses their presence.
 
 QUI-GON
 Destroyer droids! 
 
 IG-88: Oh great.
 OBI-WAN
 Offhand, I'd say this mission is 
 past the negotiaion stage.
 
 The WHEEL DROIDS, led by P-59, rush the entry area from three 
 hallways, blasting away with their laser guns. They stop 
 firing and stand in a semi-circle as the smoke clears. OBI-
 WAN and QUI-GON are nowhere to be seen.
 
 P-59
 Switch to bio...There they are!
 
 The Jedi materialize at the far end of the hallway and dash 
 through the doorway that slams shut. The WHEEL DROIDS blast 
 away at the two JEDI with their laser swords.
 
 OBI-WAN
 They have shield generators!
 
 QUI-GON
 It's a standoff! Let's go!
 
 IG-80: What!? I Just wanna add those guys in my droid kill count!
 
 IG-86: Listen to Qui Gon's Orders 80! Follow them or BUST!
 
 IG-80: OK FINE! Jeez...
 
 INT. FEDERATION BATTLESHIP - BRIDGE
 
 NUTE and RUNE stand on the bridge, watching the view screen 
 as the WHEEL
 
 DROIDS' POV speeds to the doorway.
 
 RUNE
 We have them on the run, sir...they're 
 no match for destroyer droids.
 
 Nostalgia Critic: Oh yes finally.
 
 TEY HOW
 Sir, they've gone up the ventilation 
 shaft.
 
 INT. FEDERATION BATTLESHIP - MAIN BAY
 
 QUI-GON and OBI-WAN appear at a large vent in a giant hanger 
 bay. They are careful not to be seen. Thousands of BATTLE 
 DROIDS are loading onto landing craft.
 
 QUI-GON
 Battle droids.
 
 OBI-WAN
 It's an invisible army.
 
 IG-88: There's thousands of them! I'll go James Bond up from behind! 007 REPORTING FOR DUTY!
 
 IG-86: 88 Don't! We'll get caught!
 
 IG-88: Just Saying. That's All.
 
 QUI-GON
 It's an odd play for the Trade 
 Federation. We've got to warn the 
 Naboo and contact Chancellor Valorum. 
 Let's split up. Stow aboard separate 
 ships and meet down on the planet.
 
 OBI-WAN
 You were right about one thing, 
 Master. The negotiations were short.
 
 Mabel: I'll say. It took forever to get here.
 
 INT. FEDERATION BATTLESHIP - BRIDGE
 
 TEY HOW recieves a transmission.
 
 TEY HOW
 Sir, a transmission from the planet.
 
 DCFDTL: Well then who is it?
 
 RUNE
 It's Queen Amidala herself.
 
 Nostalgia Chick: Well it's about time, she's been taking forever to make the decision.
 
 On the view screen, QUEEN AMIDALA appears in her throne room. 
 Wearing her elaborate headdress and robes, she sits, 
 surrounded by the GOVERNING COUNCIL and FOUR HANDMAIDENS, 
 EIRTAE, YANE, RABE, and SACHE.
 
 NUTE
 Again you come before me, Your 
 highness. The Federation is
 pleased.
 
 Nostalgia Critic: Now Tell Us Queen, did you make up your mind yet?
 
 AMIDALA
 You will not be pleased when you 
 hear what I have to say, 
 Viceroy...Your trade boycott of our 
 planet has ended.
 
 (A Crowd booes)
 
 AMidala: Who hired the crowd?
 
 Sam (from iCarly): It was me. My Bad. (Exits)
 
 NUTE smirks at RUNE.
 
 Ace D Copular: You seem not impressed over what the trade federation has done to you. 
 
 AMIDALA
 I have word that the Senate is finally 
 voting on this blockade of yours.
 
 NUTE
 I take it you know the outcome. I 
 wonder why they bother to vote.
 
 AMIDALA
 Enough of this pretense, Viceroy! 
 I'm aware the Chancellor's Ambassadors 
 are with you now, and that you have 
 beencommanded to reach a settlement.
 
 Coop (from AVGN Movie): Uh, sorry, but we don't even have an impression against Ambassadors.
 
 AMIDALA, surprised at his reaction, studies him carefully.
 
 AMIDALA
 Beware, Viceroy....the Federation is 
 going too far this time.
 
 Coop: Too Far? Oh Please.
 
 AVGN: Amidala, you know we wouldn't do to much to impress the Senate. You ask too much you know.
 
 AMIDALA
 We will see.
 
 The QUEEN fades off, and the view screen goes black.
 
 RUNE
 She's right, the Senate will never....
 
 Wade Barrett: They Already Know.
 
 Linkara: What about the Jedi? Can we possibly catch them without warning?
 
 Wade Barrett: Not yet. We'll disrupt all communications of the Senate first. THEN we find the Jedi.
 
 INT. NABOO PALACE - THRONE ROOM
 
 The QUEEN, EIRTAE, SACHE and her Governor, SIO BIBBLE, stand 
 before a hologram of SENATOR PALPATINE, a thin, kindly man.
 
 PALPATINE
 ...How could that be true? I have 
 assurances from the Chancellor...his 
 Ambassaodrs did arrive. It must be 
 the...get...negotiate...
 
 The hologram of PALPATIONE sputters and fades away.
 
 AMIDALA
 Senator Palpatine?!?
 (turns to Panaka)
 What's happening?
 
 Capt. Panaka turns to his SARGEANT. 
 
 CAPT. PANAKA
 Check the transmission generators...
 
 BIBBLE
 A malfunction?
 
 
 CAPT. PANAKA
 It could be the Federation jamming 
 us. Your Highness.
 
 BIBBLE
 A communications disruption can only 
 mean one thing. Invasion.
 
 AMIDALA
 Don't jump to conclusions, Governor. 
 The Federation would not dare go 
 that far.
 
 CAPT. PANAKA
 The Senate would revoke their trade 
 franchise, and they'd be finished.
 
 AMIDALA
 We must continue to rely on 
 negotiation.
 
 BIBBLE
 Negotiation? We've lost all 
 communications!...and where atre the 
 Chancellors Ambassadors? How can we 
 negotiate? We must prepare to defend 
 ourselves.
 
 CAPT. PANAKA
 This is a dangerous situation, Your 
 Highness. Our security volunteers 
 will be no match against a battle-
 hardened Federation army.
 
 AMIDALA
 I will not condone a course of action 
 that will lead us to war.
 
 EXT. SPACE LANDING CRAFT - TWILIGHT (FX)
 
 Six landing craft fly in formation toward the surface of the 
 planet Naboo.
 
 EXT. NABOO SWAMP - SHALLOW LAKE - TWILIGHT
 
 Three landing craft slowly descend through the cloud cover 
 of the perpetually gray twilight side of the planet. One by 
 one, the Federation warships land in the eerie swamp. OBI-
 WAN's head emerges from the mud of a shallow lake. For in 
 the background, the activities of the invasion force can be 
 seen in the mist.
 
 OBI-WAN takes several deep breaths, then dissapears again 
 under the muddy swamp. Troop Transports (MTT's) emerge from 
 the landing craft.
 
 EXT. NABOO EDGE OF SWAMP / GRASS PLAINS - TWILIGHT (FX)
 
 The droid invasion force moves out of the swamp and onto a 
 grassy plain.
 
 OOM-9, in his tank, looks out over the vast ARMY marching 
 across the rolling hills. A small hologram of RUNE and NUTE 
 stands on the tank.
 
 RUNE
 ...and there is no trace of the Jedi. 
 They may have gotton onto one of 
 your landing craft.
 
 OOM-9
 If they are down here, sir, we'll 
 find them. We are moving out of the 
 swamp and are marching on the cities. 
 We are meeting no resistance.
 
 AVGN: Good! I want the Jedi Alive!
 
 EXT. NABOO SWAMP - TWILIGHT
 
 QUI-GON runs through the strange landscape, glancing back to 
 see the monstrous troop transports, emerging from the mist. 
 Animals begin to run past him in a panic.
 
 An odd, frog-like Gungan, JAR JAR INKS, squats holding a 
 clam he has retrieved from the murky swamp. The shell pops 
 open. JAR JAR's greta tongue snaps out and grabs the clam, 
 swallowing it in one gulp.
 
 IG-88: Uh what the hell Is That!?
 
 Woody: I don't know, but I think it's something Star Wars Fans won't like.
 
 Cameraman: He Already is.
 
 IG-88: Wait, Who's He?
 
 IG-86: Him? He's Todd Wyatt, the new camera man of the series.
 
 Todd: Sup.
 
 IG-88: Wait, What happened to the other camera man?
 
 IG-86: I fired him. Long Story.
 
 JAR JAR looks up and sees QUI-GON and the other creatures 
 running like the wind toward him. One of the huge MTT's bears 
 down on the JEDI like a charging locomotive. JAR JAR stands 
 transfixed, still holding the clam shell in one hand.
 
 JAR JAR
 Oh, noooooooooo!
 
 JAR JAR drops the shell and grabs onto QUI-GON as he passes. 
 The JEDI is caught by surprise.
 
 JAR JAR
 Hey, help me! Help me!!
 
 QUI-GON
 Let go!
 
 The machine is about tp crush them as QUI-GON drags JAR JAR 
 behind him. Just as the transport is about to hit them, QUI-
 GON drops, and JAR JAR goes splat into the mud with him. The 
 transport races overhead.
 
 QUI-GON and JAR JAR pull themselves out of the mud. They 
 stand watching the war machine dissapear into the mist. JAR 
 JAR grabs QUI-GON and hugs him.
 
 JAR JAR
 Oyi, mooie-mooie! I luv yous!
 
 QUI-GON
 Are you brainless? You almost got us 
 killed!
 
 JAR JAR
 I spake.
 
 QUI-GON
 The ability to speak does not make 
 you intelligent. Now get outta here!
 
 QUI-GON starts to move off, and JAR JAR follows.
 
 JAR JAR
 No...no! Mesa stay
 
 IG-88: Yeah, We'd like it if you stay. But you'd rather leave.
 
 Jar Jar: No!
 
 IG-88: No? YES!
 
 Jar Jar: No!
 
 IG-88: YES!
 
 Jar Jar: NO!
 
 IG-88: YES!
 
 Gumball: KNOCK IT OFF! BOTH OF YOU!
 
 IG-80: Who is that gungan anyways?
 
 Jar Jar: Mesa called Jar Jar Binks! Mesa your humble servant!
 
 IG-86: SERVANT!? That Won't Be Necessary.
 
 JAR JAR
 Oh boot tis! Tis demunded byda guds. 
 
 Suddenly Shots are heard.
 
 Jar Jar: OHH NOOO!
 
 IG-80: Dammit! We got company! 
 QUI-GON
 Stay down!
 
 The two troops fire laser bolts at OBI-WAN. QUI-GON deflects 
 the bolts back, and the STAPS blow up. One-two. 
 
 Steve Urkel: Wow. I'd Never seen action this close!
 
 IG-86: Wait a minute, who are you!? What are you doing in this Warzone!?
 
 Steve Urkel: Me? I'm Steve Urkel! I was watching the battle!
 
 IG-88: Yeah but from the battlefield? I Mean, why not watch it in the auditorium?
 
 Steve Urkel: It was too crowded so I snuck in the camera.
 
 Todd: Sorry It was my idea.
 
 IG-88: Oh tell me about it.
 JAR JAR
 Yousa sav-ed my again, hey?
 
 OBI-WAN
 What's this?
 
 Steve Urkel: Yeah What is that?
 
 QUI-GON
 A local. Let's go, before more of 
 those droids show up.
 
 IG-88: Yeah. Let's run so that we can get away from this Criticized Punk.
 
 JAR JAR
 Mure? Mure did you spake??!?
 
 OBI-WAN and QUI-GON start to run. JAR JAR tries to keep up.
 
 JAR JAR
 Ex-squeeze me, but da moto grande 
 safe place would be Otoh Gunga. Tis 
 where I grew up...Tis safe city.
 
 They all stop.
 
 IG-80: A City? Oh good. I got a city for you to go to: AND THAT'S F**KIN VEGAS! NOW LEAVE BEFORE STAR WARS FANS NOTICE YOU!
 
 Jar Jar: NO!
 
 Dipper: 80, you do realize Star Wars Fans already notice this.
 
 IG-80: Oh Right.
 
 Qui Gon: Wait, Can you take us there? 
 
 JAR JAR
 Ahhh, will...on second taut...no, 
 not willy.
 
 QUI-GON
 No??!
 
 IG-86: WHY!?
 
 JAR JAR
 Iss embarrissing, boot... My afrai 
 my've bean banished. My forgoten der 
 Bosses would do terrible tings to 
 my. Terrible tings if my goen back 
 dare.
 
 IG-80: They're More like the terrible things People say about you Jar Jar.
 
 A PULSATING SOUND is heard in the distance.
 
 QUI-GON
 You hear that?
 
 JAR JAR shakes his head yes.
 
 QUI-GON
 That's the sound of a thousand 
 terrible things heading this way...
 
 OBI-WAN
 When they find us, they will crush 
 us, grind us into little pieces, 
 then blast us into oblivion!
 
 IG-80: And worse of all, They'll put you into the position of Dangerous Mild Car Crashes!
 
 (Shows footage of a car crash)
 
 IG-86: 80! NOT TOO VIOLENT!
 
 JAR JAR
 Oh! Yousa point is well seen. Dis 
 way! Hurry!
 
 JAR JAR turns and runs into the swamp.
 
 EXT. NABOO SWAMP LAKE - TWILIGHT
 
 QUI-GON, OBI-WAN and JAR JAR run into a murky lake and stop 
 as JAR JAR tries to catch his breath. The TRANSPORTS ARE 
 HEARD in the distance.
 
 QUI-GON
 Much farther?
 
 JAR JAR
 Wesa goen underwater, okeyday?
 
 IG-80: Wait WHAT!?
 
 QUI-GON and OBI-WAN pull out small capsule from their utility 
 belts that turn into breathing masks.
 
 JAR JAR
 My warning yous. Gungans no liken 
 outlaunders. Don't expict a wern 
 welcome.
 
 IG-88: I'll say. Your hometown guys are probably the same race as you.
 
 OBI-WAN
 Don't worry, this has not been our 
 day for warm welcomes.
 
 JAR JAR jumps, does a double somersault with a twist, and 
 dives into the water.
 
 IG-88 (To Jar Jar): DON'T EVER MAKE THAT YELL AGAIN.
 
 Gina: 80! COME ON! PUT YA MASK ON!
 
 IG-80: I CAN'T! I HAVE AN ALLERGY OF SWIMMING IN THE DEEP!
 
 Mario: This one's not THAT deep 80! NOW COME ON!
 
 IG-80: NO WAIT! PLEASE! I DON'T WANNA DIE! I DON'T WANNA DIE!
 
 Breath masks on, QUI-GON and OBI-WAN wade in after him.
 
 EXT. NABOO LAKE - UNDERWATER
 
 QUI-GON and OBI-WAN swim behind JAR JAR, who is very much at 
 home in the water. Down they swim into murky depths. In the 
 distance the glow of Otoh Gunga, an underwater city made up 
 of large bubbles, becomes more distinct.
 
 They approach the strange, art nouveau habitat. JAR JAR swims 
 magically through one of the bubble membranes, which seals 
 behind him. OBI-WAN and QUI-GON follow.
 
 INT. OTOH GUNGA - CITY SQUARE
 
 GUNGANS in the square scatter when they see the strange JEDI. 
 Four GUARDS armed with long electro-poles ride two-legged 
 KAADUS into the square. The GUARDS, led by CAPTAIN TARPALS, 
 point their lethal poles at the dripping trio.
 
 IG-80: Wow. Pretty sweet mansion.
 
 Mabel: 80, This is NOT a mansion.
 
 IG-80: Huh? Really? Well If it's not a mansion then it's a Real Estate Home.
 
 Mabel Facepalms.
 
 JAR JAR
 Heyo-dalee, Cap'n Tarpals, Mesa back!
 
 CAPT. TARPALS
 Noah gain, Jar Jar. Yousa goen tada 
 Bosses. Yousa in big dudu this time.
 
 IG-88: Pfft. Whatever, John Oliver!
 
 Tarpals: WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME!?
 
 IG-88: I Didn't say anything! It was Jar Jar!
 
 CAPT. TARPALS gives JAR JAR a slight zap with his power pole. 
 JAR JAR jumps and moves off, followed by the two JEDI.
 
 JAR JAR
 How wude.
 
 IG-80: pfft. Worst line Evah.
 
 Logo: #WORSTLINEVAH
 
 INT. OTOH GUNGA - HIGH TOWER BOARD ROOM
 
 The Bosses' Board Room has bubble walls, with small lighted 
 fish swimming around outside like moving stars. A long 
 circular judge's bench filled with GUNGAN OFFICIALS dominates 
 the room. OBI-WAN and QUI-GON stand facing BOSS NASS, who 
 sits on a bench higher than the others.
 
 BOSS NASS
 Yousa cannot bees hair. Dis army of 
 mackineeks up dare tis new weesong!
 
 IG-88: Yeah. The only thing I don't care about is this WHOLE CITY! I MEAN COME ON! WHAT IS UP WITH THE GUNGANS HERE!?
 
 Gina: 88 Calm Down. Even I don't like these gungans.
 
 QUI-GON
 That droid army is about to attack 
 the Naboo.
 
 IG-86: We must warn them before it's too late.
 
 BOSS NASS
 Wesa no like da Naboo! Un dey no 
 like uss-ens. Da Naboo tink day so 
 smarty den us-ens. Day tink day brains 
 so big.
 
 Alan (from Hangover): Dude, I Can't understand what you're saying! Speak English!
 
 Boss Nass: THIS IS ENGLISH! NOW SHUT UP!
 
 IG-88: Wait a minute, who are you?
 
 Alan: Me? I'm Alan Garner. This is Stu, This is Phil, This is Doug. We Came here because we hate Gungans!
 
 IG-88: Huh. You guys support me on the Gungan Protest. I'm On Your Side.
 
 OBI-WAN
 After those droids take control of 
 the surface, they will come here and 
 take control of you.
 
 BOSS NASS
 No, mesa no tink so. Mesa scant talkie 
 witda Naboo, and no nutten talkie it 
 outlaunders. Dos mackineeks no comen 
 here! Dey not know of uss-en.
 
 OBI-WAN
 You and the Naboo form a symbiont 
 circle. What happens to noe of you 
 will affect the other. You must 
 understand this.
 
 BOSS NASS
 Wesa wish no nutten in yousa tings, 
 outlaunder, and wesa no care-n about 
 da Naboo.
 
 IG-88: *shocked*
 
 Dipper: OK That's Gross. Ugh.
 
 QUI-GON
 (waves his hand)
 Then speed us on our way.
 
 BOSS NASS
 Wesa gonna speed yousaway.
 
 QUI-GON
 We need a transport.
 
 BOSS NASS
 Wesa give yousa una bongo. Da speedest 
 way tooda Naboo tis goen through da 
 core. Now go.
 
 Urkel: The Core eh?
 
 IG-80: This is not like the crappy 2003 film right?
 
 (Shows Scene where one of the actors says Loonatic Over and Over, A Picture of Loonatics Unleashed can also be seen.)
 
 Boss Nass: Right. Now go.
 
 QUI-GON
 Thank you for your help. We go in 
 peace.
 
 IG-80: About time!
 
 QUI-GON and OBI-WAN turn to leave.
 
 OBI-WAN
 Master, whats a bongo?
 
 QUI-GON
 A transport, I hope.
 
 The JEDI notice JAR JAR in chains to one side, waiting to 
 hear his verdict.
 
 QUI-GON stops. JAR JAR gives him a forlorn look.
 
 JAR JAR
 Daza setten yous up. Goen through da 
 planet core is bad bombin!!
 
 IG-88: Yeah Whatever See ya.
 
 JAR JAR's soulful look is counterpointed by a sheepish grin.
 
 OBI-WAN
 We are short of time, Master.
 
 QUI-GON
 We'll need a navigator to get us 
 through the planet's core. 
 
 Steve Urkel: Oh oh oh! I Can Navigate!
 
 IG-86: How?
 
 Urkel: Uh...
 
 Alan: I navigated with a Giraffe once! And it didn't turn out well.
 Scene from Hangover Part III showing Alan driving with a giraffe, with the results not ending well
 
 Dipper: Sorry guys. No Slackers. But, who are we gonna get as a navigator?
 
 Qui Gon: This Gungan my be of help.
 
 IG-80: Uh no. Definetly not him.
 
 QUI-GON walks bact to BOSS NASS.
 
 QUI-GON
 What is to become of Jar Jar Binks 
 here? 
 
 BOSS NASS
 Binkss brokeen the nocombackie law. 
 Hisen to be pune-ished.
 
 Darwin: Punished!?
 
 QUI-GON
 He has been a great help to us. I 
 hope the punishment will not be too 
 severe.
 
 BOSS NASS
 Pounded unto death.
 
 JAR JAR
 (grimacing)
 Oooooh...Ouch!
 
 OBI-WAN looks concerned. QUI-GON is thinking.
 
 QUI-GON
 We need a navigator to get us through 
 the planet's core. I have saved Jar 
 Jar Binks' life. He owes me what you 
 call a "life debt."
 
 BOSS NASS
 Binks. Yousa havena liveplay with 
 thisen hisen?
 
 JAR JAR nods and joins the JEDI. QUI-GON waves his hand.
 
 QUI-GON
 Your gods demand that his life belongs 
 to me now.
 
 IG-80: Uh No. Not gonna happen.
 
 BOSS NASS
 Hisen live tis yos, outlauder. (gurgles) 
 
 IG-88: THAT'S THE MOST RIDICULOUS THING I HAVE EVER HEARD!
 
 Boss Nass: HEY! DON'T F**K WITH ME YOU PUNK!
 
 IG-88: Ugh. Why'd we have to come here. We could've gone straight to Naboo rather than this f**k-up.
 
 Boss Nass: Begone with him!
 
 IG-80: WHAT!?
 
 Alan: WHY!?
 JAR JAR
 Count mesa outta dis! Better dead 
 here, den deader in da core...Yee 
 guds, whata mesa sayin?!
 
 Alan: 86 What are you doing?
 
 IG-86: Calling in assistance. They should be here any minute.
 
 (The Teen Titans Make Their Entrance.)
 
 Robin: You called for us 86?
 
 IG-86: Indeed. I'll explain more when we head to Naboo.
 
 EXT. NABOO CITY - UNDERWATER - SUB (FX)
 
 A strange little submarine propels itself away from the Otoh 
 Gunga, leaving the glow of the settlement in the distance.
 
 INT. SUB COCKPIT - UNDERWATER
 
 OBI-WAN in the co-pilots seat, JAR JAR guides the craft.
 
 IG-80: Finally out of this city.
 
 JAR JAR
 Dis is nusen.
 
 OBI-WAN
 Master, why do you keep dragging 
 these pathetic life forms along with 
 us?...Here, take over.
 
 JAR JAR
 Hey, ho? Where wesa goen??
 
 QUI-GON
 You're the navigator.
 
 IG-80: No no no no. I'm the navigator. Not this mess of CGI-Bull****.
 
 Jar Jar: HEY!
 
 IG-80: What!? Star Wars Fans dislike you! What's the point?
 
 JAR JAR
 Yo dreamen mesa hopen... 
 
 QUI-GON
 Just relax, the Force will guide 
 us...
 
 JAR JAR
 Ooooh, maxibig..."da Force"...Wellen, 
 dat smells stinkowiff.
 
 JAR JAR veers the craft to the left and turns the lights on. 
 The coral vistas are grand, fantastic, and wonderous.
 
 OBI-WAN
 Why were you banished, Jar Jar?
 
 JAR JAR
 Tis a long tale, buta small part 
 wawdabe mesa... ooooh... aaaa... 
 clumsy.
 
 IG-80: Really? You were banished because of THAT!? Wait That Reminds me...
 
 (Shows video for Fergie's Clumsy)
 
 IG-80: God When is Fergie making her next album?
 OBI-WAN
 They banished you because you're 
 clumsy?
 
 As the little sub glides into the planet core, a large dark 
 shape begins to follow.
 
 Dark Shape: Target acquired. Prepare for attack.
 
 JAR JAR
 Mesa cause-ed mabee one or duey lettal 
 bitty axadentes...yud-say boom da 
 gasser, un crash Der Bosses 
 heyblibber...den banished.
 
 IG-88: OK. I didn't understand a thing you said!
 
 Donatello: Me neither.
 
 IG-80: Might as well call this guy the terrible language patient.
 
 Suddenly there is a loud CRASH, and the little craft lurches 
 to one side.
 
 QUI-GON looks around and sees a huge, lumimnous OPEE SEA 
 KILLER has hooked them with its long gooey tongue.
 
 Urkel: GIANT MUTANT FISH! I GOT HIM (Throws a ball right toward the glass)
 
 IG-86: DON'T BREAK THE GLASS!
 
 Urkel: Sorry.
 
 QUI-GON
 Full speed ahead.
 
 Instead of full ahead, JAR JAR jams the controls into reverse. 
 The sub flies into the mouth of the creature.
 
 JAR JAR
 Oooops. 
 
 OBI-WAN
 Give me the controls.
 
 OBI-WAN takes over the controls and the OPEE SEA KILLER 
 instantly releases the sub from its mouth.
 
 JAR JAR
 Wesa free!
 
 As the sub zooms away they see a larger set of jaws, munching 
 on the hapless KILLER. The jaws belong to the incredible 
 SANDO AQUA MONSTER. The lights on the tiny sub begin to 
 flicker as they cruise deeper into the gloom.
 
 Numbuh 2: Uh...What just happened!?
 
 Art: I have no idea.
 QUI-GON
 There's always a bigger fish.
 
 INT. FEDERATION BATTLESHIP - BRIDGE
 
 NUTE and RUNE stand before a hologram of DARTH SIDIOUS.
 
 AVGN: Invasion's On schedule, my lord.
 
 DARTH SIDIOUS
 Good. I have the Senate bogged down 
 in procedures. By the time this 
 incident comes up for a vote, they 
 will have no choice but to accept 
 your control of the system.
 
 NUTE
 The Queen has great faith the Senate 
 will side with her.
 
 DARTH SIDIOUS
 Queen Amidala is yound and naive. 
 You will find controlling her will 
 not be difficult. You have done well, 
 Viceroy.
 
 NUTE
 Thank you, My Lord.
 
 DARTH SIDIOUS fades away.
 
 RUNE
 You didn't tell him about the missing 
 Jedi?
 
 Nostalgia Critic: Where the hell are they anyways!?
 
 NUTE
 No need to report that to him, until 
 we have something to report.
 
 INT. SUB COCKPIT - UNDERWATER
 
 Sparks are flying, and water is leaking into the cabin. The 
 sound of the power drive drops.
 
 OBI-WAN
 ...we're losing power.
 
 IG-88: ALREADY!?
 
 OBI-WAN is working with the sparking wires. JAR JAR panics.
 
 QUI-GON
 Stay calm. We're not in trouble yet.
 
 IG-80: Uh...Why'd we went into a short power outage?
 
 Stu: Blame Alan.
 
 Alan: I didn't do anything!
 
 JAR JAR
 What yet? Monstairs out dare! Leak'n 
 in here, all'n sink'n, and nooooo 
 power! You nutsen! WHEN YOUSA TINK 
 WESA IN TROUBLE?!!!?
 
 OBI-WAN
 Power's back.
 
 IG-88: Relax guys! What's the worst that can happen?
 
 The lights flicker on, revealing an ugly COLO CLAW FISH right 
 in front of them.
 
 Jack Spicer: Thanks for the 411 round one!
 
 JAR JAR
 AAA! Monstairs back!
 
 IG-88: Oh No Spicer!
 
 Jack Spicer: Nowhere to hide 88!
 
 The large COLO CLAW FISH is surprised and rears back. The 
 sub turns around and speeds away.
 
 JAR JAR
 Wesa in trouble now??
 
 QUI-GON
 Relax.
 
 QUI-GON puts his hand on JAR JAR's shoulder. JAR JAR relaxes 
 into a coma.
 
 OBI-WAN
 You overdid it.
 
 IG-80: Sorta like Lindsay Lohan's Drug Problems!
 
 Mario: 80 Don't Bring that up!
 
 The COLO CLAW FISH leaps after the fleeing sub as it shoots 
 out of the tunnel and into the waiting jaws of the SANDO 
 AQUA MONSTER.
 
 IG-88: LOOK OUT!
 
 OBI-WAN
 This is not good!
 
 JAR JAR regains consciousness. 
 
 JAR JAR
 Wesa dead yet?? Oie Boie!
 
 JAR JAR's eyes bulge, and he faints again. The sub narrowly 
 avoids the deadly teeth of the AQUA MONSTER. The COLO CLAW 
 FISH chasing them isn't so lucky. It is munched in half by 
 the larger predator. The little sub slips away.
 
 Jack Spicer: (Screams)
 
 QUI-GON
 Head for that outcropping.
 
 IG-80: So uh where are we going again?
 
 EXT. THEED - MAIN ROAD INTO THEED - DAY (FX)
 
 The long columns of the DROID ARMY move down the main road 
 leading to Theed, the Naboo capital.
 
 EXT. THEED PLAZA - DAY (FX)
 
 As the QUEEN watches helplessly from a window in the palace, 
 a transport carrying NUTE and RUNE lands in Theed Plaza. 
 They exit the transport.
 
 AVGN: We captured the queen Vicory.
 
 NUTE
 Ah, victory!
 
 Phelous: Wait, what about the Jedi and the squad? Are they dead or something?
 
 Nostalgia Critic: No they ain't. I'm Sure They'll be here any minute to ambush us while we're capturing the Queen.
 Todd: Dude! Don't Spoil The Plot!
 Nostalgia Critic: HEY! I Can Spoil Whatever I Want To!
 
 INT. NABOO LAKE - UNDERWATER - SUB (FX)
 
 The little sub continue to propel itself toward the surface, 
 which is brightly lit.
 
 EXT. THEED - ESTUARY - DAY
 
 Paradise. Billowing clouds frame a romantic body of water. 
 There is a LOUD RUSH OF BUBBLES, and a small sub bobs to the 
 surface.
 
 The current in the estuary begins to pull the sub backward 
 into a fast moving river. OBI-WAN switches off the two 
 remaining bubble canopies.
 
 QUI-GON stands up to look around. JAR JAR lets out a sigh of 
 relief.
 
 INT. THEED - PALACE THRONE ROOM - DAY
 
 QUEEN AMIDALA, SIO BIBBLE, and FIVE OF HER HANDMAIDENS 
 (EIRTAE, YANE, PADME, RABE, SACHE) are surrounded by TWENTY 
 DROIDS. Capt. Panaka and FOUR NABOO GUARDS are also held at 
 gunpoint. NUTE and RUNE stand in the middle of the room.
 
 BIBBLE
 ...how will you explain this invasion 
 to the Senate?
 
 NUTE
 The Naboo and the Federation will 
 forge a treaty that will legitimize 
 our occupation here. I've been assured 
 it will be ratified by the Senate.
 
 AMIDALA
 I will not co-operate.
 
 AVGN: OH YOU WILL COOPERATE!
 
 NUTE
 Now, now, your Highness. You are not 
 going to like what we have in store 
 for your people. In time, their 
 suffering will persuade you to see 
 our point of view. Commander.
 (OOM-9 steps forward)
 Process them.
 
 OOM-9
 Yes, sir! 
 (turns to his sergeant)
 Take them to Camp Four.
 
 The SERGEANT marches the GROUP out of the throne room.
 
 EXT. PALACE - PLAZA - DAY
 
 QUEEN AMIDALA, PADME, EIRTA, YANE, RABE, SACHE, Capt. Panaka, 
 SIO BIBBLE,
 
 and FOUR GUARDS are led out of the palace by ten BATTLE 
 DROIDS. The plaza is filled with tanks and BATTLE DROIDS, 
 which they pass on their way to the detention camp. 
 Unbeknownst to them, QUI-GON, OBI-WAN, and JAR JAR sneak 
 across on a walkway above the plaza and jump from a balcony 
 to begin an attack to rescue the QUEEN.
 IG-88: And.....NOW!
 
 Robin: Titans Go!
 
 FOUR BATTLE DROIDS are instantly cut down. MORE DROIDS move 
 forward and are also cut down by the JEDIS' flashing 
 lightsabres until there is only the DROID SERGEANT left. The 
 SERGEANT starts to run but is pulled back to QUI-GON by the 
 Force, until finally he is dispatched by the JEDI.
 
 IG-88: OK that's all of them. Except for their leader.
 
 Lego Battle Droid: Oh uh....AAAAAA! (RUNS AWAY, BUT IS THEN SHOT BY IG-86)
 
 Gumball: I thought so.
 
 JAR JAR
 Yousa guys bombad!
 
 IG-80: Oh please.
 
 QUEEN AMIDALA and the OTHERS are amazed. JAR JAR is getting 
 used to this. They move between two buildings.
 
 QUI-GON
 Your Highness, we are the Ambassadors, 
 for the Supreme Chancellor.
 
 IG-80: And associates working for SportsCenter!
 
 Robin: What does that have to do with anything?
 
 IG-80: I don't know. Just brought that up.
 
 BIBBLE
 Your negotiations seem to have failed, 
 Ambassador.
 
 QUI-GON
 The negotiations never took place. 
 Your Highness, we must make contact 
 with the republic.
 
 Leonardo: Yeah. We've got to warn them before it's too late.
 
 Capt. Panaka steps forward.
 
 CAPT. PANAKA
 They've knocked out all our 
 communications.
 
 Aisling: Well, do you have transports?
 
 CAPT. PANAKA
 In the main hanger. This way.
 
 THEY disappear down an alleyway as the ALARMS are sounded
 
 INT. CENTRAL HANGER - HALLWAY - DAY
 
 Capt. Panaka cracks open a side door to the central hanger. 
 QUI-GON looks in over his shoulder. OBI-WAN, JAR JAR, and 
 the rest of the group are behind him. They see several Naboo 
 spacecraft guarded by about FIFTY BATTLE DROIDS. ALARMS can 
 be heard in the distance.
 
 Skipper: We have to save those men!
 
 CAPT. PANAKA
 There are too many of them.
 
 QUI-GON
 That won't be a problem. 
 (to Amidala)
 Your Highness, under the 
 circumstances, Isuggest you come to 
 Coruscant with us.
 
 AMIDALA
 Thank you, Ambassador, but my place 
 is here with my people.
 
 Cyborg: But they'll kill you if you stay!
 
 IG-86: They need you to sign a treaty that can't afford to kill you.
 
 QUI-GON
 The situation here is not what it 
 seems. There is something else behind 
 all this, Your Highness. There is no 
 logic in the Federation's move here. 
 My feelings tell me they will destroy 
 you.
 
 BIBBLE
 Please, Your Highness, reconsider. 
 Our only hope is for the Senate to 
 side with us... Senator Palpatine 
 will need your help.
 
 CAPT. PANAKA
 Getting past their blockade is 
 impossible, Your Highness.
 Any attempt to escape will be 
 dangerous.
 
 IG-88: Yeah. The only way to escape is through the nightmare Willy Wonka Tunnel.
 (Scene showing The Willy Wonka Nightmare Tunnel)
 
 Dipper: NO! We're not escaping through there!
 
 BIBBLE
 Your Highness, I will stay here and 
 do what I can...They will have to 
 retain the Council of Governors in 
 order to maintain control. But you 
 must leave...
 
 The QUEEN turns to PADME and EIRTAE.
 
 AMIDALA
 Either choice presents a great 
 risk...to all of us... 
 
 PADME
 We are brave, Your Highness.
 
 QUI-GON
 If you are to leave, Your Highness, 
 it must be now.
 
 IG-80: Wait longer and you'll be meat in 2 seconds. HEY! WHO WANTS MEAT! (Throws meat) See?
 
 (James Franco then enters with the meat and throws it back to 80)
 
 James Franco: Here's your damn meat! (He then exits)
 
 IG-80: I thought nobody would like my meat!
 
 AMIDALA
 Then, I will plead our case before 
 the Senate. 
 (to Bibble)
 Be careful, Governor.
 
 INT. CENTRAL HANGER - DAY
 
 The door opens to the main hanger. QUI-GON, OBI-WAN, JAR 
 JAR, Capt. Panaka, TWO GUARDS, and THREE HANDMAIDENS (PADME, 
 EIRTAE, RABE), followed by QUEEN AMIDALA, head for a sleek 
 chrome spacecraft. SIO BIBBLE, YANE and SACHE stay behind. 
 The HANDMAIDENS begin to cry.
 
 Capt. Panaka points to TWENTY GUARDS, GROUND CREW, and PILOTS 
 held in a corner by SIX BATTLE DROIDS.
 
 OBI-WAN
 I'll take care of that.
 
 OBI-WAN heads toward the group of captured pilots.
 
 QUI-GON and the QUEEN, Capt. Panaka, JAR JAR, and the rest 
 Of the GROUP approach the GUARDS at the ramp of the Naboo 
 craft.
 
 GUARD DROID
 Where are you going?
 
 QUI-GON
 I'm Ambassador for the Supreme 
 Chancellor, and I'm taking those 
 people to Coruscant.
 
 DROID GUARD
 You're under arrest!
 
 IG-88: Yeah i knew it would fail. ATTACK!
 
 The DROID GUARD draws his weapon, but before any of the DROIDS 
 can fire, they are cut down. OTHER GUARDS run to their aid. 
 OBI-WAN attacks the GUARDS around the PILOTS. QUI-GON stands, 
 fighting off DROIDS as the OTHERS rush on board the 
 spacecraft. OBI-WAN, the FREED PILOTS (including RIC OLIE), 
 GUARDS and GROUND CREW MEMBERS rush on board the ship. The 
 OTHER PILOTS and GUARDS race to SIO BIBBLR. After everyone 
 has made it onto the ship, QUI-GONjumps on board. ALARMS 
 sound. MORE DROIDS rush into the hanger and fire as the ship 
 takes off.
 
 IG-80: Yeah! Come On and get some of this now! Wait, why are half of the pilots entering the ship?
 
 Gina: It's on Panaka's Orders. (Shoots a Battle Droid) Now Come On!
 
 EXT. THEED - HANGER ENTRY - DAY (FX)
 
 The ship exits the hanger. BATTLE DROIDS standing in the 
 hanger shoot at them.
 
 EXT. SPACE (FX)
 
 The sleek spacecraft speeds away from the planet of Naboo 
 and heads for the deadly Federation blockade.
 
 INT. NABOO SPACECRAFT - COCKPIT
 
 The PILOT, RIC OLIE, navigates toward the massive battleship, 
 QUI-GON and Capt. Panaka watch.
 
 RIC OLIE
 ...our communications are still 
 jammed.
 
 INT. NABOO SPACECRAFT - DROID HOLD
 
 JAR JAR is led into a low, cramped doorway by OBI-WAN.
 
 OBI-WAN
 Now stay here, and keep out of 
 trouble.
 
 Urkel: What about me?
 
 IG-86: You too Urkel!
 
 Alan: And Me?
 
 IG-86: *sigh* Fine. You can come in the main hangar.
 
 Alan: Yay! Come on guys!
 
 Phil: Oh No.
 
 OBI-WAN closes the door. JAR JAR looks around and sees a 
 long row of five short, dome-topped ASTRO DROIDS (R-2 units). 
 The all look alike, except for thier paint color, and they 
 all seem to be shut down.
 
 JAR JAR
 Ello, boyos.
 (no response)
 Disa wanna longo trip...hey?
 
 JAR JAR taps a bright red R-2 UNIT on the head, and its head 
 pops up a bit. He lets out a gasp as he lifts the head.
 
 JAR JAR
 Tis opens?...Oooops! 
 
 Many springs and things come flying out.
 
 JAR JAR quickly closes it again, very embarrassed.
 
 JAR JAR
 Yoi! Just yoken!
 
 Urkel: Oh No 88 was right. This is The character Star Wars Fans dislike!
 
 EXT. SPACE BATTLE
 
 The Naboo Spacecraft, surrounded by explosions, head even 
 closer to the massive Federation battle ships.
 
 INT.NABOO SPACECRAFT - COCKPIT
 
 IG-80: Uh oh.
 
 RIC OLIE
 There's the blockade, hang on.
 
 Alarm sounds fill the Cockpit as Obi-Wan enters.
 
 IG-80: Shield Generator's Hit!
 
 IG-86: Don't worry. I'll send in the droids.
 
 INT. NABOO SPACECRAFT - DROID HOLD
 
 The lights go on, and all the Droids are activated. Droids 
 rush to an exterior air lock, except for the red one, who 
 runs into a wall. JAR JAR holds on for dear life.
 
 One Little blue Astro Droid, who is especially dedicated, 
 lets out a loud screech as he passes JAR JAR, causing the 
 Gungan to jump.
 
 The little Droid enters an air lock and is ejected onto the 
 exterior of the ship.
 
 CAPT. PANAKA
 Stay on course!
 
 QUI-GON
 Do you have a cloaking device?
 
 CAPT. PANAKA
 No, this is not a warship, we have 
 no weapons. We're a non- violent 
 people, that is why the Federation 
 was brave enough to attack us.
 
 IG-88: Pfft. As if Grown Ups 2 wasn't that bad enough.
 
 RIC OLIE
 We won't make it. The shields are 
 gone.
 
 IG-80: If we don't then I'm DOOOMED!
 
 IG-86: 80 Shut Up!
 
 EXT. NABOO SPACECRAFT - FEDERATION BATTLESHIP
 
 The Droids pop onto the exterior of the Naboo Spacecraft; 
 the ship races across the surface of the massive Federation 
 Battleship, as its guns blast two Astro Droids to pieces.
 
 OBI-WAN
 We're losing droids fast.
 
 CAPT. PANAKA
 If they can't get those shield 
 generators fixed we will be sitting 
 ducks.
 
 
 EXT. NABOO SPACECRAFT - ENGINES
 
 The Federation Battleship blows away one more Atro Droid. 
 The blue Droid connects some wires, causing sparks to fly.
 
 RIC OLIE
 Powers back! That little droid did 
 it. He bypassed the main power drive. 
 Deflector shield up, at maximum.
 
 Sora: Wait, the blue droid saved the ship!
 
 The lone BLUE DROID finishes his repairs and goes back into 
 the ship. The Naboo spacecraft races away from the Federation 
 battleship.
 
 RIC OLIE
 There's not enough power to get us 
 to Coruscant...the hyperdrive is 
 leaking.
 
 QUI-GON
 We'll have to land somewhere to refuel 
 and repair the ship.
 
 IG-80: OH COME ON! WE CAN'T JUST MAKE A PIT STOP!
 
 QUI-GON studies a star chart on a monitor.
 
 OBI-WAN
 Here, Master. Tatooine... It's small, 
 out of the way, poor... The Trade 
 Federation has no presence there.
 
 CAPT. PANAKA
 How can you be sure?
 
 QUI-GON
 It's controlled by the Hutts...
 
 CAPT. PANAKA
 The Hutts??
 
 IG-88: Oh Hell No! I remember those guys!
 
 Nerville: You do?
 
 IG-88: Ya! The last time I saw them they threw me out of the planet due to a massive brawl I caused at a Baseball Game!
 
 (Scene: Baseball Game)
 IG-88 (Player #33, after getting bean balled by Player #35): OH THAT DOES IT!
 (Huge Brawl Ensues)
 Aisling: MLB right?
 
 IG-88: Yeah babe. NFL. (Kisses her on the lips)
 
 OBI-WAN
 It's risky... but there's no 
 alternative.
 
 CAPT. PANAKA
 You can't take Her Royal Highness 
 there! The Hutts are gangsters... If 
 they discovered her...
 
 Alan: Then, we would get caught by Leslie Chow?
 
 QUI-GON
 NO. It would be no different than if 
 we landed on a system controlled by 
 the Federation... except the Hutts 
 aren't looking for her, which gives 
 us an advantage.
 
 CPATAIN PANAKA takes a deep breath in frustration.
 
 EXT. SPACE - NABOO SPACECRAFT (FX)
 
 The Naboo spacecraft races away.
 
 INT. FEDERATION BATTLESHIP - CONFERENCE ROOM
 
 NUTE and RUNE sit around a conference table with a hologram 
 of DARTH SIDIOUS.
 
 Linkara: We controlled all the cities my lord, however, we're still looking for settlements. 
 
 DARTH SIDIOUS
 Destroy all high-ranking officials, 
 Viceroy... slowly... quietly. And 
 Queen Amidala, has she signed the 
 treaty?
 
 NOstalgia Critic: Uhhh...Yeah. Sorry to tell you this lord, but, she disappeared.
 
 (Suddenly, A Gong is heard, the lights go out, and out comes the Undertaker on the transmission screen!)
 
 Nostalgia Critic: AAH! UNDERTAKER!
 
 Undertaker: Why fail me again Critic? Why Has the Princess Disappeared?
 Nostalgia Critic: I Don't Know!
 Undertaker: You don't know huh? All You Idiots don't know. I want her alive. FIND HER!
 
 NUTE
 Taker, it's impossible to locate 
 the ship. It's out of our range.
 
 UNdertaker: Well then how about this?
 
 A Second Gong is heard, and A second SITH LORD appears behind UNDERTAKER.
 
 Undertaker: This is my apprentice, DARTH MAUL. He will find the cruiser that holds the Queen. 
 
 NUTE
 Yes, My Lord. 
 
 Undertaker: And Critic, if you fail me again, then you will. REST. IN. PEACE.
 
 The hologram fades off as another gong is heard.
 
 INT. NABOO SPACECRAFT - QUEENS CHAMBERS
 
 QUI-GON, OBI-WAN, Capt. Panaka, and the LITTLE BLUE DROID 
 stand before QUEEN AMIDALA and her THREE HANDMAIDENS, PADME, 
 EIRTAE and RABE.
 
 Phil: So uh, what's the description of this....droid?
 
 CAPT. PANAKA
 ...An extremely well put together 
 little droid. Without a doubt, it 
 saved the ship, as well as our lives.
 
 AMIDALA
 It is to be commended
 
 IG-88: Well, what's it's number? A113?
 
 The LITTLE BLUE DROID lets out a series of bleeps. Capt. 
 Panaka leans over and scrapes some dirt off of the side of 
 the DROID and read the number:
 
 CAPT. PANAKA
 No 88. It's R2-D2.
 
 AMIDALA
 Thank you, Artoo Detoo. You have 
 proven to be very loyal... Padme!
 
 PADME bows before the QUEEN.
 
 AMIDALA
 Clean this droid up the best you 
 can. It deserves our gratitude...
 (to Panaka)
 Continue, Captain.
 
 IG-80: You sure she's gonna-
 
 IG-86: Yeah. She will.
 
 Capt. Panaka looks nervously to OBI-WAN and QUI-GON.
 
 QUI-GON
 Yor Highness, we are heading for a 
 remote planet called Tatooine. It is 
 a system far beyond the reach of the 
 Trade Federation. There we will be 
 able to make needed repairs, then 
 travel on to Coruscant.
 
 IG-88: Yeah. But the gangsters part? Not a pretty sight.
 
 QUI-GON
 You must trust my judgement, Your 
 Highness.
 
 AMIDALA and PADME exchange looks. PADME moves next to the 
 DROID.
 
 INT. NABOO SPACECRAFT - MAIN AREA
 
 PADME sits in the Main Area, cleaning R2-D2, the brave little 
 Astra Droid. JAR JAR pops out of an open door.
 
 JAR JAR
 Hidoe!
 
 Both PADME and ARTOO jump and let out a little SCREAM. The 
 Gungan is embarrassed that he frightened them.
 
 JAR JAR
 Sorry, nomeanen to scare yousa.
 
 Urkel: Oh please. You already tried.
 
 PADME
 That's all right.
 
 JAR JAR
 I scovered oily back dare. Needen 
 it?
 
 PADME
 Thank you. This little guy is quite 
 a mess.
 
 JAR JAR hands PADME the oil can.
 
 JAR JAR
 Mesa Ja Ja Binksss... 
 
 Urkel: ANd I'm Steve Urkel!
 
 PADME
 I'm Padme, I attend Her Highness, 
 You're a Gungan, aren't you? 
 (Jar Jar nods, with repetition fast and slow motioned)
 IG-88: THAT'S RIGHT LUCAS! I'M DOING IT! EVERY JAR JAR ANNOYANCE IN THIS FILM WILL HAVE REPETITION TO SHOW HOW TERRIBLE THIS GUY IS! I REPEAT: THIS CHARACTER IS SO BAD THAT I AM FORCED TO REPEAT ALL THE GODDAMN ANNOYING PARTS OF JAR JAR BINKS!
 How did you end up here with us?
 
 JAR JAR
 Me no know... mesa day starten pitty 
 okeyday witda brisky morning munchen. 
 Den boom... getten berry skeered, un 
 grabbed dat Jedi, and before mesa 
 knowen it... pow! Mesa here.
 (he shrugs)
 ...getten berry berry skeered.
 
 ARTOO BEEPS a sympathetic beep.
 
 Urkel: Yeah. He's getting way to annoying every minute.
 
 INT. NABOO SPACECRAFT - COCKPIT
 
 OBI-WAN, QUI-GON, and Capt. Panaka watch over RIC OLIE'S 
 shoulder. A large yellow planet appears directly ahead. RIC 
 OLIE searches his scopes.
 
 IG-88: Well, there it is.
 
 Dipper: Revisiting the nightmare are ya 88?
 
 IG-88 (Backing away from the view of the planet): Yep. 100% yep.
 
 RIC OLIE
 There's a settlement...a spaceport, 
 looks like.
 
 QUI-GON
 Land near the outskirts. We don't 
 want to attract any attention.
 
 IG-80: Oh Come On! Just a few autographs from Miley Cyrus?
 
 All: NO!
 
 EXT. TATOOINE - SPACE (FX)
 
 The ship heads toward the planet of Tatooine.
 
 EXT. TATOOINE - DESERT - NABOO SPACECRAFT - DAY (FX)
 
 The Naboo spacecraft lands in the desert in a swirl of dust. 
 The spaceport of Mos Espa is seen in the distance.
 
 EXT. NABOO SPACECRAFT - MAIN AREA
 
 OBI-WAN is hoisting the hyperdrive out of a floor panel. JAR 
 JAR rushes up to him and falls to his knees.
 
 JAR JAR
 Obi-Wan, sire, pleeese, no mesa go!
 
 IG-80: Oh my god. Somebody call Animal Control?
 
 Todd: Sorry. Phone's out of order.
 
 IG-80: WHAT!?
 
 Todd: Yep. Can't get a clear call.
 
 IG-80: AW COME ON!
 
 OBI-WAN
 Sorry, Qui-Gon's right. You'll make 
 things less obvious.
 
 JAR JAR walks back to ARTOO in the hallway as QUI-GON (dressed 
 as a farmer) enters the main area.
 
 OBI-WAN
 The Hyperdrive generator is gone. We 
 will need a new one.
 
 QUI-GON moves closer to OBI-WAN and speaks quietly to him.
 
 QUI-GON
 Don't let them send ant transmissions. 
 Be wary... I sense a disturbance in 
 the Force.
 
 OBI-WAN
 I fell it also, Master.
 
 IG-86: Squad get together! Here's the plan. We'll split up. 88, 80, Aisling, Twilight Sparkle, Sora, Donald, Goofy, Simba, Timon, Pumbaa, Numbuh 1, Numbuh 2, Numbuh 3, Numbuh 4, Numbuh 5, Urkel, Alan, Phil, Stu, Doug, Art, Reese, Rydell, Finn, Jake, Mordecai, Rigby, Dipper, Mabel, Wendy, Nerville, Annoying Orange and his friends, Gumball, Darwin, Penny, Woody, Buzz, Jessie, Bullseye, Rex, Hamm, Mr. Potato Head, Mrs. Potato Head, Slinky Dog, Squeeze Toy Aliens, Mario, Luigi, Yoshi, and Chicken Little; You go with Qui Gon. Me, Gina, The Teen Titans, Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael, Michaelangelo, Skipper, Kowalski, Private, and Rico will remain here with Obi Won. Now Roll Out!
 
 IG-88: Yes sir. God, why do we have to go with the most hated Star Wars Character of all time?
 
 QUI-GON goes into the hallway to meet up with ARTOO and JAR 
 JAR. They head to the exit ramp.
 
 EXT. TATOOINE - DESERT - SPACESHIP - DAY
 
 They start their trek across the desert toward the city of 
 Mos Espa. In the distance, a strange looking caravan makes 
 its way toward the spaceport.
 
 JAR JAR
 Dis sun doen murder tada skin.
 
 IG-88: Oh please. You'll need f***ing sunscreen for that.
 
 
 From the spaceship, Capt. Panaka and PADME run toward them.
 
 CAPT. PANAKA
 Wait!
 
 QUI-GON stops as they catch up. PADME is dresses in rough 
 peasant's garb.
 
 CAPT. PANAKA
 Her Highness commands you to take 
 her handmaiden with you. She wishes 
 for her to observe the local... 
 
 IG-80: Uh yeah we'd love too. But I don't want people to think she's the same gal from Black Swan.
 
 Wendy: 80! She is!
 
 IG-80: Oh really? Wow. Fine. We'll have her in the group. Only because she won an Oscar.
 
 Qui Gon: Stay close to me. 
 
 He gives PADME a stern look.
 
 EXT. MOS ESPA - STREET - DAY
 
 The little GROUP walks down the main street of Mos Espa. 
 They pass dangerous looking citizens of all types. PADME 
 looks around in awe at this exotic enviroment.
 
 IG-88: Ugh. Reminds me of Lindsay Lohan's drug rehab.
 
 QUI-GON
 ...moisture farms for the most part, 
 but also a few indigenous tribes and 
 scavengers. The few spaceports like 
 this one are havens for those who do 
 not wish to be found...
 
 PADME
 ....like us. 
 
 JAR JAR is in a constant state of panic.
 
 ARTOO whistles along, with perfect confidence.
 
 JAR JAR
 Dissen berry berry bad. 
 (steps in ooze)
 Ooooh...icky...icky...goo.
 
 IG-88: Oh please. What is up with this guy!?
 
 Phil: I don't know.
 
 EXT. MOS ESPA - JUNK DEALER PLAZA - DAY
 
 The GROUP comes to a little plaza surrounded by several junk 
 spaceship dealers.
 
 QUI-GON
 We'll try one of the smaller dealers.
 
 They head for a little junk shop that has a huge pile of 
 broken spaceships stacked up behind it.
 
 INT. WATTO'S JUNK SHOP - DAY
 
 QUI-GON, JAR JAR, PADME, and ARTOO enter the dingy junk shop 
 and are greeted by WATTO, a pudgy blue alien who flies on 
 short little wings like a hummingbird.
 
 WATTO (SUBTITLED)
 Hi chuba da naga? 
 (What do you want?)
 
 Chicken Little: Uh...what is he talking about?
 
 IG-80: I don't know.
 
 QUI-GON
 I need parts for a J-type 327 Nubian.
 
 WATTO
 Ah yes, ah yes. Nubian. We have lots 
 of that. What kinda junk? 
 (subtitled)
 Peedenkel! Naba dee unko
 (Boy, get in here! Now!)
 
 Doug: He has a kid? 
 QUI-GON
 My droid here has a readout of what 
 I need.
 
 A disheveled boy, ANAKIN SKYWALKER, runs in from the junk 
 yard. He is about nine years old, very dirty, and dressed 
 in rags. WATTO raises a hand, and ANAKIN flinches.
 
 IG-80: Uh oh. Here comes Jake Lloyd.
 
 Gumball: Same guy from Jingle All the Way?
 
 IG-80: Yep.
 
 WATTO (SUBTITLED)
 Coona tee-tocky malia?
 (What took you so long?)
 
 
 ANAKIN (SUBTITLED)
 Mel tassa cho-passa...
 (I was cleaning the bin like you...)
 
 ANAKIN (SUBTITLED)
 
 
 WATTO (SUBTITLED)
 Chut-Chut! Ganda doe wallya. 
 (Never mind! Watch the store) 
 Me dwana no bata. 
 (I've got some selling to do here.) 
 (to Gui-Gon)
 Soooo, let me take- a thee out back. 
 Ni you'll find what you need.
 
 IG-88: Squad let's go.
 
 ARTOO and QUI-GON follow WATTO toward the junk yard, leaving 
 JAR JAR with PADME and the young boy ANAKIN. JAR JAR picks 
 up a gizmo, trying to figure out its purpose. QUI-GON takes 
 the part out of his hand and puts it back.
 
 QUI-GON
 Don't touch anything.
 
 JAR JAR makes a rude face to QUI-GON's back and sticks out 
 his long tongue, with repetition.
 
 IG-88: What....the....Hell!? THAT'S IT! I'M CALLING HELP!
 
 Reese: Calling who?
 
 IG-88: Larry David.
 
 Larry David (Answering phone): Hello?
 
 IG-88: Larry! It's Me! 88! I Need you to deal with this Gungan here!
 
 Larry David: Jar Jar Binks?
 
 IG-88: Yeah. Jar Jar Binks.
 
 Larry David: WHat about him?
 
 IG-88: He just made a RUDE Face toward the entire audience and I was DISGUSTED! DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS!
 
 Larry David: Listen, I'll try to figure out something.
 
 IG-88: Good. (Hangs Up) Well, he's hiring someone to deal with the job.
 
 Reese: Good.
 Meg: Yeah. I can't stand Jar Jar anyways. Right babe?
 Reese: Indeed.
 ANAKIN sits on the counter, pretending to clean a part, 
 staring at PADME.
 
 She is the most beautiful creaure he has ever seen in his 
 life. PADME is a little embarrassed by his stare, but she 
 musters up an amused smile.
 
 Finally, he gets the courage to speak.
 
 ANAKIN
 Are you an angel?
 
 PADME
 What?
 
 ANAKIN
 An angel. I've heard the deep space 
 pilots talk about them. They live on 
 the Moons of Iego I thimk. They are 
 the most beautiful creatures in the 
 universe. They are good and kind, 
 and so pretty they make even the 
 most hardened spice pirate cry.
 
 PADME looks at him, not knowing what to say. PADME : I've 
 never heard of angels.
 
 ANAKIN
 You must be one...maybe you just 
 don't know it.
 
 PADME
 You're a funny little boy. How do 
 you know so much?
 
 ANAKIN
 Since I was very little, three, I 
 think. My Mom and I were sold to 
 Gardulla the Hutt, but she lost us, 
 betting on the Podraces, to Watto, 
 who's a lot better master than 
 Gardulla, I think.
 
 PADME
 You're... a slave?
 
 ANAKIN looks at PADME defiantly.
 
 ANAKIN
 I am a person! My name is Anakin.
 
 PADME
 I'm sorry. I don't fully understand. 
 (looking around)
 This is a strange world to me.
 
 ANAKIN studies her intently.
 
 ANAKIN
 You are a strange girl to me.
 
 JAR JAR pushes the nose on what appears to be a LITTLE DROID, 
 and it instantly comes to life, grows legs and arms, and 
 starts marching around, knocking over everything. JAR JAR 
 hold on but can't stop it.
 
 ANAKIN
 Hit the nose!
 
 JAR JAR hits the nose, and the DROID collapses back into its 
 original state. ANAKIN and PADME laugh. ANAKIN watches PADME 
 straighten her hair.
 (NOTE: Repetition occurs throughout the Jar Jar Annoyance Scene)
 
 EXT. WATTO'S JUNK YARD - BEHIND SHOP - DAY
 
 WATTO reads a small portable monitor he is holding. He stands 
 before a hyperdrive.
 
 WATTO
 ...Here it is...a T-14 hyperdrive 
 generator!! Thee in luck, I'm the 
 only one hereabouts who has one...but 
 thee might as well buy a new ship. 
 It would be cheaper, I think...Sying 
 of which, how's thee going to pay 
 for all this? 
 
 IG-88: I don't know. In dollars?
 
 Chicken Little: Probably about 5.
 
 QUI-GON
 I have 20,000 Republic dataries.
 
 WATTO
 Republic credits?!? Republic credits 
 are no good out here. I need something 
 more real...
 
 QUI-GON
 I don't have anything else. 
 (raising his hand))
 But credits will do fine.
 
 WATTO
 No they won'ta. 
 
 IG-88: Uh? Capital One?
 
 Watto: No.
 
 IG-80: Visa?
 
 Watto: NOO!
 
 IG-88: MasterCard? Progressive? ANYTHING!?
 
 Watto: STOP IT!
 
 WATTO
 What you think you're 
 some kinda Jedi, waving your hand 
 around like that? I'm a Toydarian. 
 Mind tricks don'ta work on me-only 
 money. No money, no parts! No deal! 
 And no one else has a T-14 hyperdrive, 
 I promise you that.
 
 IG-80: Huh. I thought the force would work on sabretoothed creatures.
 
 INT. WATTO'S JUNK SHOP - DAY
 
 JAR JAR pulls a part out of a stack of parts to inspect it, 
 and they all come tumblimg down. He struggles to catch them, 
 only to knock more down.
 
 ANAKIN and PADME are oblivious.
 
 ANAKIN
 ...wouldn't have lasted long if I 
 weren't so good at fixing things. 
 I'm making my own droid...
 
 QUI-GON hurries into the shop, followed by ARTOO. 
 
 QUI-GON
 We're leaving.
 
 JAR JAR follows QUI-GON. PADME gives ANAKIN a loving look.
 
 IG-80: *gasps* JAR JAR! I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH ANYTHING!
 
 Urkel: Oh my god. What was he thinkin!? (He suddenly tumbles down several tall tools.) Did I do that?
 
 PADME
 I'm glad I met you, ...ah...
 
 ANAKIN
 ...Anakin.
 
 PADME
 Anakin.
 
 ANAKIN
 Anakin Skywalker.
 
 PADME
 Padme Naberrie.
 
 PADME turns, and ANAKIN looks sad as he watches her leave.
 
 ANAKIN
 I'm glad I met you too.
 
 WATTO enters the junk yard, shaking his head.
 
 WATTO (SUBTITLED)
 Ootmians! Tinka me chasa hopoe ma 
 booty na nolia.
 (Outlanders! They think because we 
 live so far from the center, we don't 
 know nothing.)
 
 ANAKIN (SUBTITLED)
 La lova num botaffa. 
 (They seemed nice to me.) 
 
 WATTO (SUBTITLED)
 Fweepa niaga. Tolpa da bunky dunko. 
 (Clean the racks, then you can go 
 home.)
 
 ANAKIN lets out a "yipee" and runs out the back, which is repeated over and over again.
 
 IG-80: Yipee!? Who wrote the screenplay for this!?
 
 Phil: Hope it's not Lucas.
 
 (Shows an Image of Google where George Lucas is indeed the one who wrote the screenplay.)
 
 IG-80: WHAT!?
 
 Phil: I Knew it. And he was the guy he thought Jar Jar and Jake Lloyd are OK!
 
 IG-80: George Lucas, the traitor of Tatooine, Naboo, And Star Wars Itself.
 
 EXT. MOS ESPA - STREET - ALCOVE - DAY
 
 QUI-GON, ARTOO, JAR JAR, and PADME have found a quiet spot 
 between two buildings. The busy street beyond is filled with 
 dangerous looking creatures. QUI-GON is talking on his com-
 link, while JAR JAR nervously watches the street. OBI-WAN is 
 in the main hold of the Naboo craft.
 
 QUI-GON
 ...Obi-Wan, you're sure there isn't 
 anything of value left on board?
 
 OBI-WAN (V.O.)
 A few containers of supplies, the 
 Queen's wardrobe, maybe. Not enough 
 for you to barter with. Not in the 
 ammounts you're talking about.
 
 QUI-GON
 All right. Another solution will 
 present itself. I'll check back.
 
 IG-86 (VO): Oh, and if 80 does anything bad, call us back.
 
 Qui Gon: Got it.
 
 QUI-GON puts his comlink away and starts out into the main 
 street. JAR JAR grabs his arm.
 
 JAR JAR
 Noah gain...da beings hereabouts 
 cawazy. Wesa be robbed un crunched.
 
 QUI-GON
 Not likely. We have nothing of value, 
 that's our problem.
 
 Art: How are we gonna get money?
 
 Alan: We could uh....work at Pizza Palace?
 
 IG-80: I'm not sure if that restaurant even exists.
 
 EXT. MOS ESPA - STREET - MARKET - DAY
 
 QUI-GON, PADME, JAR JAR, and ARTOO move out into the street. 
 JAR JAR is walking behind the others. They walk by an outdoor 
 cafe filled with a rough gang of aliens, one of which is 
 especially ugly, SEBULBA, a spider-like creature. JAR JAR 
 stops for a moment in front of a stall selling dead frogs 
 hanging on a wire. He looks around to see if anyone is 
 looknig, then sticks out his tongue, and gets hold of one, 
 pulling it into his mouth. Repetition Occurs.
 
 Unfortunately, the frog is tied tightly to the wire. The 
 vendor suddenly appears.
 
 VENDOR
 Hey, ARE YOU GONNA PAY FOR THAT!? that will be seven truguts!!
 
 JAR JAR opens his mouth in surprise, and the frog snaps away, 
 ricochets around the market, and lands in Sebulba's soup, 
 splashing him. As JAR JAR moves away from the VENDOR, SEBULBA 
 jumps up on the table and grabs the hapless Gungan.
 
 SEBULBA (SUBTITLED)
 Chuba!! 
 (You!!) 
 
 JAR JAR
 Who, mesa?? 
 
 SEBULBA (SUBTITLED)
 Ni chuba na?? 
 (Is this yours??)
 
 IG-88: Whoa. Somebody's had enough.
 
 SEBULBA holds the frog up to the Gungan threateningly. SEVERAL 
 OTHER CREATURES start to gather. SEBULBA shoves JAR JAR to 
 the ground. The Gungan desperately tries to scramble to 
 safety.
 
 JAR JAR
 (to himself)
 Why mesa always da one??
 
 ANAKIN (O.S.)
 Because you're afraid.
 
 JAR JAR turns to see ANAKIN pushing his way next to him. The 
 boy stands up to SEBULBA in a very self-assured way.
 
 ANAKIN (SUBTITLED)
 Chess ko, Sebulba...Coo wolpa tooney 
 rana.
 (Careful, Sebulba...This one's very 
 connected.)
 
 
 SEBULBA stops his assault on JAR JAR and turns to ANAKIN.
 
 SEBULBA (SUBTITLED)
 Tooney rana nu pratta dunko, shag. 
 (Connected?? Whada you mean, slave?)
 
 ANAKIN (SUBTITLED)
 Oh da Hutt...cha porko ootman 
 geesa...me teesa rodda co pana pee 
 choppa chawa.
 (As in Hutt...big time outlander, 
 this one... I'd hate to see you diced 
 before we race again.)
 
 
 SEBULBA (SUBTITLED)
 Neek me chowa, wermo, mo killee ma 
 klounkee
 (Next time we race, wermo, it will 
 be the end of you!)
 Una noto wo shag, me wompity du pom 
 pom.
 (If you weren't a slave, I'd squash 
 you right now.)
 
 
 SEBULBA turns away.
 
 ANAKIN (SUBTITLED)
 Eh, chee bana do mullee ra.
 (Yeah, it'd be a pity if you had to 
 pay for me.)
 
 Numbuh 3: Wow.
 
 IG-88: Terrible acting.
 
 QUI-GON, PADME and ARTOO arrive.
 
 ANAKIN
 Hi! Your buddy here was about to be 
 turned into orange goo. He picked a 
 fight with a Dug. An especially 
 dangerous Dug called Sebulba.
 
 JAR JAR
 Nosir, nosir. Mesa hate crunchen. 
 Dat's da last ting mesa wanten.
 
 QUI-GON
 Nevertheless, the boy is right... 
 you were heading for trouble. Thank 
 you, my young friend.
 
 IG-88: Yeah. Thanks for preventing that alien from almost adding me into Kim Kardashian takes Miami.
 
 PADME looks at ANAKINB and smiles; he smiles back. They start 
 walking down the crowded street.
 
 JAR JAR
 Mesa doen nutten!
 
 ANAKIN
 Fear attracts the fearful. He was 
 trying to overcome his fear by 
 squashing you... be less afraid.
 
 PADME
 And that works for you.
 
 ANAKIN
 To a point. 
 (he smiles)
 
 EXT. TATOOINE - DESERT - SPACESHIP - DAY
 
 OBI-WAN stands in front of the Naboo spacecraft as the wind 
 picks up and begins to whip at his robe. Capt. Panaka exits 
 the ship and joins him.
 
 OBI-WAN
 This storm's going to slow them down.
 
 CAPT. PANAKA
 It looks pretty bad. We'd better 
 seal the ship.
 
 IG-86: Yeah. Babe, get the others inside.
 
 Gina: Got it.
 
 Capt. Panaka'S comlink sounds off.
 
 CAPT. PANAKA
 Yes?
 (listens)
 We'll be right there.
 
 EXT. MOS ESPA - STREET - FRUIT STAND - DAY
 
 ANAKIN and the GROUP stop at a fruit stand run by a jolly, 
 but very poor, old lady named JIRA.
 
 ANAKIN
 How are you feeling today, Jira? 
 
 JIRA
 The heat's never been kind to me, 
 you know, Annie!
 
 ANAKIN
 Guess what? I've found that cooling 
 unit I've been searching for.
 
 It's pretty beat up, but I'll have it fixed up for you in no 
 time, I promise.
 
 JIRA
 You're a fine boy, Annie.
 
 ANAKIN
 I'll take four pallies today. 
 (to Padme)
 You'll like these...
 
 ANAKIN reaches in his pocket and comes up with three coins. 
 He drops one.
 
 QUI-GON picks it up, revealing for a moment, his lightsabre.
 
 IG-80: Oh and already. We have money.
 
 ANAKIN
 Whoops, I thought I had more... Make 
 thgat three, I'm not hungry.
 
 The wind picks up. SHOP OWNERS are starting to close up their 
 shops as JIRA gives them their pallies.
 
 JIRA
 Gracious, my bones are aching... 
 storm's coming on, Annie. You'd better 
 get home quick.
 
 IG-88: STORM!? DAMMIT! I SHOULD'VE BROUGHT MY NORTH FACE COAT WITH ME!
 
 ANAKIN
 (to QUI-GON)
 Do you have shelter?
 
 QUI-GON
 We'll head back to our ship.
 
 ANAKIN
 Is it far?
 
 PADME
 On the outskirts.
 
 IG-88: Good. I'll just get on and-
 
 ANAKIN
 You'll never reach the outskirts in 
 time... sandstorms are very, very 
 dangerous. Come with me. Hurry!
 
 
 IG-88: Oh....OK then.
 
 The GROUP follows ANAKIN as he rushes down the windy street.
 
 EXT. MOS ESPA - SLAVE QUARTERS - STREET - SANDSTORM - DAY
 
 The wind is blowing hard as QUI-GON, JAR JAR, and PADME follow 
 ANAKIN down the street and into a slave hovel.
 
 INT. ANAKIN'S HOVEL - MAIN ROOM - DAY
 
 QUI-GON, JAR JAR, ARTOO, and PADME enter a small living space.
 
 ANAKIN
 Mom! Mom! I'm home.
 
 JAR JAR
 Dissen cozy.
 
 Urkel: It is isn't it.
 
 Anakin's mother, SHMI SKYWALKER, a warm, friendly woman of 
 forty, enters from her work area and is startled to see the 
 room full of people.
 
 SHMI
 Oh, my!! Annie, what's this?
 
 ANAKIN
 These are my friends, Mom. This is 
 Padme, and...gee, I don't know any 
 of your names.
 
 QUI-GON
 I'm Qui-Gon Jinn, and this is Jar 
 Jar Binks. ARTOO lets out a little 
 beep.
 
 PADME
 ...and our droid, Artoo-Detoo.
 
 IG-88: I'm 88! This is the squad!
 
 ANAKIN
 I'm building a droid. You wanna see?
 
 SHMI
 Anakin! Why are they here?
 
 ANAKIN
 A sandstorm, Mom. Listen.
 
 The wind HOWLS outside.
 
 QUI-GON
 Your son was kind enough to offer us 
 shelter. 
 
 ANAKIN
 Come on! Let me show you Threepio!
 
 IG-80: 3PO?
 
 ANAKIN leads PADME into the other room. ARTOO follows, beeping 
 all the way.
 
 QUI-GON takes five small capsules from his utility belt and 
 hands them to SHMI.
 
 QUI-GON
 I have enough food for a meal.
 
 SHMI
 Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. 
 I'm sorry if I was abrupt. I'll never 
 get used to Anakin's surprises.
 
 QUI-GON
 He's a very special boy. 
 
 SHMI looks at him as if he's discovered a secret.
 
 SHMI
 Yes, I know.
 
 INT. ANAKIN'S HOVEL - BEDROOM - DAY
 
 ANAKIN shows off his ANDROID, which is lying on his workbench. 
 There is one eye in the head; the body, arms, and legs have 
 no outer coverings.
 
 ANAKIN
 Isn't he great?! He's not finished 
 yet.
 
 PADME
 He's wonderful!
 
 IG-80: Yeah. I Know he's gonna have some major role in the future trilogy to come.
 
 ANAKIN
 You reall like him? He's a protocol 
 droid...to help Mom. Watch!
 
 ANAKIN pushes a switch, and the DROID sits up. Anakin rushes 
 around, grabs an eye and puts it in one of the sockets.
 
 THREEPIO
 How do you do, I am See-Threepio, 
 Human Cyborg Relations. How might I 
 serve you?
 
 PADME
 He's perfect.
 
 ANAKIN
 When the storm is over, you can see 
 my racer. I'm building a Podracer!
 
 IG-80: Oh heck yeah! I'm a Podracer too.
 
 Reese: You are?
 
 IG-80: 4 Time Gold Medalist. My podracer is just like Dale Earnhardt Jr.'s Car.
 
 Meg: Why Can't It be like Tony Kanaan's?
 IG-80: Cause he doesn't do promotional work for SuperBowl commercials and all that crap.
 
 PADME smiles at his enthusiasm. ARTOO lets out a flurry of 
 beeps and whistles.
 
 THREEPIO
 I beg your pardon... what do you 
 mean I'm naked?
 
 ARTOO BEEPS
 
 THREEPIO
 My parts are showing? Oh, my goodness. 
 How embarrassing!
 
 IG-80: Censor Bars?
 
 Todd: Nope. Sorry.
 
 INT. NABOO SPACECRAFT - QUEENS CHAMBERS
 
 AMIDALA, EIRTAE, RABE, and OBI-WAN watch a very bad 
 transmission of a SIO BIBBLE hologram.
 
 BIBBLE
 ...cut off all food supplies until 
 you return... the death toll is 
 catastrophic... we must bow to their 
 wishes, Your Highness...Please tell 
 us what to do! If you can hear us, 
 Your Highness, you must contact me...
 
 Beast Boy: What if it gets worse?
 
 IG-86: Don't worry BB. We'll find a way to stop this madness.
 
 AMIDALA looks upset...almost nervous.
 
 OBI-WAN
 It's a trick. Send no reply... Send 
 no transmission of any kind.
 
 Cyborg: Got it.
 
 INT. ANAKIN'S HOVEL - MAIN ROOM - DAY
 
 QUI-GON listens to his comlink. OBI-WAN is in the cockpit.
 
 OBI-WAN
 ...the Queen is upset... but absolutly 
 no reply was sent.
 
 QUI-GON
 It sounds like bait to establish a 
 connection trace.
 
 OBI-WAN
 What if it is true and the people 
 are dying?
 
 QUI-GON
 Either way, we're running out of 
 time.
 
 EXT. CORUSCANT - BALCONY OVERLOOKING CITY - NIGHT
 
 Undertaker and DARTH MAUL look out over the vast city.
 
 DARTH MAUL
 Tatooine is sparsely populated. If 
 the trace was correct, I will find 
 them quickly, Master. 
 
 UNDERTAKER
 Good. I want you to Move against the Jedi first and then, you will have no difficulty getting the queen to sign the treaty.
 
 DARTH MAUL
 At last we will reveal ourselves to 
 the Jedi. At last we will have 
 revenge.
 
 Stephanie McMahon
 Yes you have been well trained, Maul. I want the Republic gone now at the request of my husband Triple H. Got It?
 
 Darth Maul: As you wish, Stephanie.
 
 EXT. MOS ESPA - SANDSTORM - DAY
 
 The giant sandstorm engulfs the town, including the Naboo 
 spaceship on the outskirts of the city center, where Watto's 
 ship is; and the slave quarters, where drifts of sand begin 
 building up against Anakin's house.
 
 INT. ANAKIN'S HOVEL - MAIN ROOM - DAY
 
 QUI-GON, ANAKIN, SHMI, JAR JAR, and PADME are seated around 
 a makeshift table, having dinner as the wind howls outside.
 
 JAR JAR slurps his soup rather loudly. Everyone looks at 
 him. He turns a little brighter red.
 
 Reese: When?
 
 IG-88: Soon.
 
 SHMI
 All slaves have transmitters placed 
 inside their bodies somewhere.
 
 ANAKIN
 I've been working on a scanner to 
 try and locate them, but no luck.
 
 SHMI
 Any attempt to escape...
 
 ANAKIN
 ...and they blow you up...poof!
 
 IG-80: Just Like Old Times.
 (Scene from Nebraska (2013 film with Will Forte And Bruce Dern)
 June Squibb: There's Woody's Little Sister Rose. She was only 19 when she was killed in a car wreck near Warsa. What A W***e.
 Will Forte: Mom.
 June Squibb: No I Like Rose but my god she was a s***.
 
 PADME and JAR JAR are horrified.
 
 JAR JAR
 How wude.
 
 IG-88: Ugh. I hate it when he says that.
 
 PADME
 I can't believe there is still slavery 
 in the galaxy. The Republic's anti-
 slavery laws...
 
 SHMI
 The Republic doesn't exist out here... 
 we must survive on our own.
 
 An awkward silence. ANAKIN attempts to end the embarrassment.
 
 ANAKIN
 Have you ever seen a Podrace?
 
 PADME shakes her head no. She notices the concern of SHMI. 
 JAR JAR snatches some food from a bowl at the other end of 
 the table with his tongue.
 
 QUI-GON gives him a dirty look.
 
 IG-88: Come on. WHERE ARE THEY!?
 
 QUI-GON
 They have Podracing on Malastare. 
 Very fast, very dangerous.
 
 IG-80: Just like NASCAR racing is. The More Fast You Go, The Better You Have Chances of Winning.
 Reese: I'll Say.
 
 ANAKIN
 I'm the only human who can do it.
 
 SHMI looks at her son.
 
 Aisling: He can?
 
 ANAKIN
 Mom, what? I'm not bragging. It's 
 true. Watto says he's never heard of 
 a human doing it. 
 
 QUI-GON
 You must have Jedi reflexes if you 
 race Pods.
 
 ANAKIN smiles. JAR JAR attempts to snare another bit of food 
 from the bowl with his tongue, but QUI-GON, in a flash, grabs 
 it between his thumb and forefinger. JAR JAR is startled.
 
 QUI-GON
 Don't do that again.
 
 JAR JAR tries to acknowledge with some silly mumbling. QUI-
 GON lets go of the tongue, and it snaps back into JAR JAR's 
 mouth. Repetition Occurs *Sigh* Again.
 
 IG-88: Thank you Qui Gon. He deserved it.
 
 ANAKIN
 I... I was wondering... something...
 
 QUI-GON
 What?
 
 ANAKIN
 Well, ahhh... you're a Jedi Knight, 
 aren't you?
 
 QUI-GON
 What makes you think that?
 
 ANAKIN
 I saw your laser sword. Only Jedi 
 carry that kind of weapon.
 
 QUI-GON leans back and slowly smiles.
 
 QUI-GON
 Perhaps I killed a Jedi and stole it 
 from him.
 
 IG-88: Killed a Jedi? Blame Bieber.
 
 (Footage of Bieber's 2014 Court Case, with IG-88 voicing the Judge.)
 Judge: The Jury hearby declares Justin Bieber guilty as charged for killing a Jedi. Bieber will be sentenced to 1,000 Days In Prison. NO EXCEPTIONS. Court Dismissed.
 ANAKIN
 I don't think so... No one can kill 
 a Jedi Knight.
 
 QUI-GON
 I wish that were so...
 
 ANAKIN
 I had a dream I was a Jedi. I came 
 back here and freed all the slaves... 
 have you come to free us?
 
 QUI-GON
 No, I'm afraid not...
 
 Rex: Why Not?
 
 ANAKIN
 I think you have... why else would 
 you be here?
 
 QUI-GON thinks for a moment.
 
 QUI-GON
 I can see there's no fooling you...
 (leans forward)
 You mustn't let anyone know about 
 us... we're on our way to Coruscant, 
 the central system in the Republic, 
 on a very important mission, and it 
 must be kept secret.
 
 ANAKIN
 Coruscant... wow... how did you end 
 up here in the outer rim?
 
 PADME
 Our ship was damaged, and we're 
 stranded here until we can repair 
 it.
 
 IG-88: I can't even call Stanley Steamer to fix the ship.
 Hamm: Eh, I don't think Stanley Steamer's Plumbing.
 IG-88: Oh....OH Yeah. I forgot it's Carpet Cleaning not Plumbing. Thanks for the tip Hamm.
 
 ANAKIN
 I can help! I can fix anything!
 
 QUI-GON
 I believe you can, but our first job 
 is to aquire the parts we need...
 
 JAR JAR
 Wit no-nutten mula to trade.
 
 Art: Shmi, What do these junk dealers have in mind?
 
 SHMI
 Gambling. Everything here revolves 
 around betting on those awful races.
 
 QUI-GON
 Podracing... Greed can be a powerful 
 ally.. if it's used properly.
 
 ANAKIN
 I've built a racer! It's the fastest 
 ever... There's a big race tomorrow, 
 on Boonta Eve. You could enter my 
 pod. It's all but finished...
 
 IG-80: Oh I Already signed up for it. Went through training tests and all that and now I'm ready to go.
 
 SHMI
 Anakin, settle down. Watto won't let 
 you...
 
 ANAKIN
 Watto doesn't know I've built it. 
 (to Qui-Gon))
 You could make him think it's your's, 
 and you could get him to let me pilot 
 it for you.
 
 QUI-GON looks to SHMI. She is upset.
 
 SHMI
 I don't want you to race, Annie... 
 It's awful. I die every time Watto 
 makes you do it.
 
 IG-80: Yeah. You should've saw what happened to Dan Wheldon.
 
 (Shows Footage of the Crash)
 
 IG-80: RIP Dan Wheldon. RIP.
 
 ANAKIN
 But Mom, I love it... and they need 
 help... they're in trouble. The prize 
 money would more than pay for the 
 parts they need. 
 
 JAR JAR
 Wesa ina pitty bad goo. 
 
 GUI-GON
 Your mother's right. Is there anyone 
 friendly to the Republic who might 
 be able to help us?
 
 SHMI shakes her head no.
 
 IG-80: What about Britney Spears?
 
 Shmi shakes her head no.
 
 Finn: Well then, what are we gonna do?
 
 Jake: Yeah. How are we gonna get out of this planet?
 
 
 ANAKIN
 We have to help them, Mom...you said 
 that the biggest problem in the 
 universe is no one helps each other...
 
 SHMI
 Anakin, don't...
 
 JAR JAR belches. There is silence for a moment as they eat.
 
 Suddenly A Knock is heard.
 
 IG-88: Oh good there here. (Exits)
 
 PADME
 I'm sure Qui-Gon doesn't want to put 
 your son in danger. We will find 
 another way...
 
 SHMI
 No, Annie's right, there is no other 
 way... I may not like it, but he can 
 help you... he was meant to help 
 you.
 
 ANAKIN
 Is that a yes? That is a yes!
 
 IG-88: Guys. Meet the GUngan Patrol.
 
 (Enters Jerry Seinfeld, Elaine Banes, Cosmo Kramer, and George Costanza from Seinfeld)
 
 Reese: Jerry Seinfeld!?
 
 Jerry: We came to deal with the Gungan.
 
 Jar Jar: Me? Mesa have no problems.
 
 George: 88 Called Larry David and we were sent over by him.
 
 The storm continues to rage outside the slave hovel.
 
 Elaine: And the Storm? Pretty bad.
 
 EXT. MOS ESPA - JUNK DEALER PLAZA - DAY
 
 The storm has passed. VENDORS and STREET PEOPLE clean up the 
 mess and rebuild their food stalls. JAR JAR sits on a box 
 in front of Watto's parts shop, watching all the activity 
 with growing nervousness. ARTOO is standing next to him. 
 PADME stops QUI-GON as he is about to enter the shop.
 
 PADME
 Are you sure about this? Trusting 
 our fate to a boy we hardly know. 
 The Queen will not approve.
 
 QUI-GON
 The Queen does not need to know.
 
 Aisling: Not so sure about this Qui-Gon.
 IG-88: Don't Worry Babe. I'm sure that saber-toothed whatsoever will accept the offer. (Kisses her on the lips)
 QUI-GON turns and starts into the shop.
 
 INT. WATTO'S JUNK SHOP - DAY
 
 WATTO and ANAKIN are in the middle of an animated discussion 
 in Huttese.
 
 WATTO
 Patta go bolla!
 
 ANAKIN
 No batta!
 
 WATTO
 Pedunky. Maa kee cheelya.
 
 ANAKIN
 Bayno, Bayno!
 
 QUI-GON walks in, and WATTO and ANAKIN join him.
 
 WATTO
 The boy tells me you wanta sponser 
 hi insa race. You can't afford parts. 
 How can you do this? Not on Republic 
 credits, I think. 
 (he laughs)
 
 IG-80: Oh come on Watto. It's NASCAR! NASCAR! What are you Blind?
 Watto: NO! Now Shut Up!
 IG-80: I'm Just Saying!
 
 QUI-GON
 My ship will be the entry fee.
 
 QUI-GON pulls a small object that looks like a watch out of 
 his pocket, and a hologram of the Naboo spacecraft appears 
 about a foot long in front of WATTO. He studies it.
 
 WATTO
 Not bad... not bad... a Nubian. 
 
 QUI-GON
 It's in good order
 
 Numbuh 1: Except for the parts we need, Which is a Hyperdrive Coordinator we need.
 
 WATTO
 ...but what would the boy ride? He 
 smashed up my Pod in the last race. 
 It will take some time to fix it.
 
 ANAKIN is embarrassed and steps forward.
 
 ANAKIN
 Ahhhh....it wasn't my fault really... 
 Sebulba flashed me with his vent 
 ports. I actually saved the Pod... 
 mostly.
 
 WATTO
 (laughing))
 That you did. The boy is good, no 
 doubts there.
 
 QUI-GON
 I have... acquired a Pod in a game 
 of chance. "The fastest ever built."
 
 WATTO
 I hope you didn't kill anyone I know 
 for it. 
 (laughs))
 So, you supply the Pod and the entry 
 fee; I supply the boy. We split the 
 winnings fifty-fifty, I think.
 
 IG-88: WHA- FIFTY FIFTY!?
 Watto: Fifty Fifty.
 QUI-GON
 Fifty-fifty!?! If it's going to be 
 fifty-fifty, I suggest you front the 
 cash for the entry. If we win, you 
 keep all the winnings, minus the 
 cost of the parts I need... If we 
 lose, you keep my ship.
 
 WATTO thinks about this. ANAKIN tries not to be nervous.
 
 QUI-GON
 Either way, you win.
 
 IG-88: And if ya lose Watto...
 
 Donald Trump: Then you're fired.
 
 IG-88: Donald Trump!?
 
 Donald Trump: I'm watching the race. Remember?
 
 IG-88: You Are. Huh Didn't Know That!
 WATTO (SUBTITLED)
 Deal! Yo bana pee ho-tah, meedee ya. 
 (Your friend is a follish one, 
 methinks.)
 
 EXT. NABOO SPACECRAFT - TATOOINE DESERT - DAY
 
 OBI-WAN stands outside the Naboo spacecraft, speaking into 
 his comlink.
 
 QUI-GON is on the back porch of the hovel.
 
 OBI-WAN
 What if this plan fails, Master? We 
 could be stuck here for a long time.
 
 QUI-GON (V.O.)
 A ship without a power supply will 
 not get us anywhere, and there is 
 something about this boy...
 
 Skipper: What boy?
 
 EXT. MOS ESPA - SLAVE QUARTERS - PORCH - DAY
 
 QUI-GON puts the comlink away as SHMI comes onto the porch 
 PADME, ANAKIN, JAR JAR, and ARTOO work on the engines of the 
 Podracer in the courtyard below.
 
 IG-80: Paint Job's Complete, Tires are pressured, and steering is functional. All Are Checked And Ready To Go.
 
 QUI-GON
 You should be proud of your son. He 
 gives without any thought of reward.
 
 SHMI
 He knows nothing of greed. He has...
 
 QUI-GON
 He has special powers.
 
 SHMI
 Yes...
 
 QUI-GON
 He can see things before they happen. 
 That's why he appears to have such 
 quick reflexes. It is a Jedi trait.
 
 SHMI
 He deserves better than a slave's 
 life.
 
 QUI-GON
 The Force is unusally strong with 
 him, that much is clear. Who was his 
 father?
 
 SHMI
 There was no father, that I know 
 of... I carried him, I gave him 
 birth... I can't explain what 
 happened. Can you help him?
 
 QUI-GON
 I'm afraid not. Had he been born in 
 the Republic, we would have identified 
 him early, and he would have become 
 Jedi, no doubt...he has the way. 
 But it's too late for him now, he's 
 too old.
 
 EXT. MOS ESPA - SLAVE QUARTERS - BACK YARD - DAY
 
 KITSTER (a young boy about Anakin's age), SEEK (a boy of 
 ten), AMEE (a girl of six), and WALD (a Greedo Type, six 
 years old) join ANAKIN, JAR JAR, ARTOO, and PADME securing 
 some wiring.
 
 ANAKIN
 Padme and Jar Jar, this is my friend 
 Kitster, and Seek, Amee, and Wald.
 
 All whistle, hoot, and speak a greeting.
 
 KITSTER
 Wow, a real Astro Droid...how'd you 
 get so lucky?
 
 ANAKIN
 This isn't the half of it. I'm entered 
 in the Boonta Race tomorrow!
 
 IG-80: So did I. Ha ha!
 
 KITSTER
 What? With this??
 
 WALD (SUBTITLED)
 Annie, Jesko na joka. 
 (You are such a joke, Annie.)
 
 AMEE
 You've been working on that thing 
 for years. It's never going to run.
 
 SEEK
 Come on, let's go play ball. Keep it 
 up, Annie, and you're gonna be bug 
 squash.
 
 SEEK, WALD, and AMEE take off, laughing. JAR JAR is fiddling 
 with one of the energy binder plates.
 
 ANAKIN
 Hey! Jar Jar! Stay away from those 
 energy binders...
 
 JAR JAR
 Who, mesa?
 
 ANAKIN
 If your hand gets caught in that 
 beam, it will go numb for hours.
 
 JAR JAR peeks at the energy plate; it makes a little 
 electronic pop, zaps him in the mouth and jumps back. JAR 
 JAR tries to say something, but his mouth is numb and his 
 words are garbled.
 
 Jerry: Jar Jar. Stay away from those! You're gonna get electrecuted! Come On!
 
 JAR JAR
 Ouch-dats muy bigo Oucho. 
 (gibberish)
 
 Jerry: Kramer prevent him from doing anything else.
 
 Kramer: Got it.
 
 Elaine: Seriously, what's up with this guy?
 Mordecai: I got no idea.
 KITSTER
 But you don't even know if this thing 
 will run.
 
 ANAKIN
 It will.
 
 QUI-GON approaches the GROUP and gives ANAKIN a small battery. 
 JAR JAR gets his hand caught in the afterburner and tries to 
 tell Anakin, but can't get words out that make sense.
 
 QUI-GON
 I think it's time we found out. Use 
 this power charge. 
 
 ANAKIN
 Yes, sir!!
 
 ANAKIN jumps into the little capsule behind the two giant 
 engines. He puts the power pack back into the dashboard. 
 EVERYONE backs away, except for JAR JAR who calls for help. 
 Finally PADME frees him and the engines ignite with a ROAR. 
 EVERYONE cheers.
 
 IG-80: BAM! Now that's how NASCAR Works!
 
 Mordecai: Yeah but You sure you're gonna do well 80?
 
 Rigby: Yeah. What if you get into a crash?
 
 IG-80: Don't Worry guys. I'll be in perfect shape by the time the race is done.
 
 EXT. MOS ESPA - SLAVE QUARTERS - PORCH - DAY
 
 SHMI, watching from the porch, smiles sadly.
 
 EXT. SLAVE QUARTERS - BALCONY - NIGHT
 
 ANAKIN sits on the balcony rail of his hovel as QUI-GON tends 
 to a cut. The BOY leans back to look at the vast blanket of 
 stars in the sky.
 
 QUI-GON
 Sit still, Annie. Let me clean this 
 cut.
 
 ANAKIN
 There are so many! Do they all have 
 a system of planets?
 
 QUI-GON
 Most of them.
 
 IG-88: Which do include the ordinary COruscant and Tatooine etc.
 
 ANAKIN
 Has anyone been to them all?
 
 QUI-GON
 (laughs)
 Not likely.
 
 ANAKIN
 I want to be the first one to see 
 them all... Ouch!
 
 QUI-GON wipes a patch of blood off ANAKIN'S arm.
 
 QUI-GON
 There, good as new...
 
 SHMI yells from inside the hovel.
 
 SHMI (O.S.)
 Annie, bedtime!
 
 QUI-GON scrapes ANAKIN's blood onto a comlink chip.
 
 ANAKIN
 What are you doing?
 
 QUI-GON
 Checking your blood for infections.
 
 IG-80: We don't want the whole Soderbergh-Contagion Theory to happen again.
 
 ANAKIN
 I've never seen...
 
 SHMI (O.S.)
 Annie! I'm not goiung to tell you 
 again!
 
 QUI-GON
 Go on, you have a big day tomorrow. 
 (beat)
 Goodnight.
 
 IG-80: Yeah. See you at the track Anakin.
 
 ANAKIN rolls his eyes and runs into the hovel. QUI-GON takes 
 the blood stained chip and inserts it into the comlink, then 
 calls OBI-WAN.
 
 IG-88: Whatever happened to Macaulay Culkin?
 
 Numbuh 4: I don't know.
 
 QUI-GON
 Obi-Wan... 
 
 OBI-WAN
 Yes, Master.
 
 QUI-GON
 Make an analysis of this blood sample 
 I'm sending you.
 
 OBI-WAN
 Wait a minute...
 
 QUI-GON
 I need a midi-chlorian count.
 
 OBI-WAN
 All right. I've got it.
 
 QUI-GON
 What are your readings?
 
 OBI-WAN
 Something must be wrong with the 
 transmission.
 
 QUI-GON
 Here's a signal check.
 
 OBI-WAN
 Strange. The transmission seems to 
 be in good order, but the reading's 
 off the chart... over twenty thousand.
 
 QUI-GON
 (almost to himself)
 That's it then.
 
 OBI-WAN
 Even Master Yoda doesn't have a midi-
 chlorian count that high!
 
 QUI-GON
 No Jedi has.
 
 OBI-WAN
 What does it mean?
 
 QUI-GON
 I'm not sure.
 
 The JEDI KNIGHT looks up and sees SHMI in the doorway watching 
 him.
 
 Embarrassed, she goes back into the kitchen while QUI-GON 
 ponders the situation.
 
 EXT. TATOOINE - DESERT MESA - NIGHT
 
 The sinister looking Sith spacecraft lands on top of a desert 
 mesa at dus, scattering a herd of banthas. DARTH MAUL walks 
 to the edge of the mesa and studies the landscape with a 
 pair of electrobinoculars. He picks out the lights of three 
 different cities in the distance, then pushes buttons on his 
 electronic armband.
 
 Six football-sized PROBE DROIDS float out of the ship and 
 head off in three different directions toward the cities.
 
 DARTH MAUL stands on the mesa and watches them through his 
 electrobinoculars.
 
 Ace D Copular: Sooner then, we will have them in our sights. Hahahahahaha!
 
 Dean Ambrose: Justice will be served. Hahahahah! Why are we laughing?
 
 Ace: I don't know.
 Seth Rollins: Laughing's Not part of Justice.
 Ace: Yeah. Uh.....
 Roman Reigns: I'll send in the probe.
 Ace: Yeah. Good Idea.
 
 EXT. MOS ESPA - SLAVE QUARTERS - PORCH - SUNRISE
 
 Padme exits the hovel.
 
 EXT. MOS ESPA - SLAVE QUARTERS - BACK YARD - SUNRISE
 
 As the twin suns rise, ARTOO is busy painting the racing 
 Pod. ANAKIN is asleep. PADME passes ARTOO.
 
 PADME
 I hope you're about finished.
 
 ARTOO whistles a positive reply. PADME sees KITSTER riding 
 toward them on an EOPIE, a strange camel-lile creature. He 
 is leading a second EOPIE behind him. PADME goes over to 
 ANAKIN. He looks very vulnerable as he sleeps. She watches 
 him, then touches him on the cheek. ANAKIN wakes up, yawns, 
 and looks at her, a little puzzled.
 
 ANAKIN
 You were in my dream... you were 
 leading a huge army into battle.
 
 IG-88: Whoa. That's something Angelina Jolie would do if she had the chance. HIT IT! (Could've Happened Logo shows up with the Dodge 2003 Commercial Music)
 
 PADME
 I hope not, I hate fighting. Your 
 mother wants you to come in and clean 
 up. We have to leave soon.
 
 IG-80: Yeah. I gotta race to go to.
 
 Alan: Why couldn't I drive?
 
 Urkel: Yeah me too?
 
 IG-80: Sorry guys. Save it for the Macho Droid IG-80.
 
 ANAKIN stands up and stretches just as KITSTER arrives.
 
 ANAKIN
 Hook 'em up, Kitster. 
 (to Padme))
 I won't be long. Where's Qui-Gon?
 
 PADME
 He and Jar Jar left already. They're 
 with Watto at the arena.
 
 EXT. MOS ESPA - ARENA - MAIN HANGER - DAY
 
 RACE CREWS mill about outside the Main Hanger.
 
 INT. MOS ESPA - ARENA - MAIN HANGER - DAY
 
 The hanger is a large building with a dozen or so Podracers 
 being readied for the race. ALIEN CREWS and PILOTS rush about, 
 making last minute fixes on their vehicles. WATTO, QUI-GON, 
 and JAR JAR walk through the activity.
 
 WATTO
 ...I want to see your spaceship the 
 moment the race is over. 
 
 QUI-GON
 Patience, my blue friend. You'll 
 have your winnings before the suns 
 set, and we'll be far away from here.
 
 IG-88: And if ya lose Watto, then You're Fired. HAHAHA!
 
 WATTO
 Not if your ship belongs to me, I 
 think... I warn you, no funny 
 business.
 
 QUI-GON
 You don't think Anakin will win?
 
 WATTO stops before an orange racer. Sitting to one side, 
 having his shoulders and neck massaged by TWIN YOBANAS, is 
 SEBULBA.
 
 WATTO
 Don't get me wrongo. I have great 
 faith in the boy. He's a credit to 
 your race, but Sebulba there is going 
 to win, I think.
 
 QUI-GON
 Why?
 
 WATTO
 He always wins. 
 (laughs)
 I'm betting heavily on Sebulba.
 
 QUI-GON
 I'll take that bet.
 
 WATTO
 (suddenly stops 
 laughing)
 What??!! What do you mean?
 
 IG-88: Uh oh Here it comes.
 
 QUI-GON
 I'll wager my new racing pod 
 against... say... the boy and his 
 mother.
 
 WATTO
 A Pod for slaves. I don't think so... 
 well, poerhaps. Just one...the mother, 
 maybe...the boy isn't for sale.
 
 QUI-GON
 The boy is small, he can't be worth 
 much.
 
 WATTO shakes his head.
 
 QUI-GON
 For the fastest Pod ever built?!
 
 WATTO shakes his head again.
 
 IG-88: For the lack of Miley Cyrus Twerking?
 
 (Clip from Cyrus's VMA 2013 Performance)
 Watto: NO! THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE RACE! NOR THE DEAL!
 
 QUI-GON
 Both, or no bet.
 
 WATTO
 No Pod's worth two slaves... not by 
 a long shot... one slave or nothing.
 
 QUI-GON
 The boy, then...
 
 WATTO pulls out a small cube from his pocket.
 
 WATTO
 We'll let fate decide. Blue it's the 
 boy, red his mother...
 
 WATTO tosses the cube down. QUI-GON lifts his hand slightly; 
 it turns blue.
 
 QUI-GON smiles. WATTO is angry.
 
 WATTO
 You won the small toss, outlander, 
 bou you won't win the race, so... it 
 makes little difference.
 
 Donald Trump (Entering): We'll see about that.
 
 ANAKIN and PADME enter the hanger on one of the EOPIES, 
 pulling an engine. KITSTER, on the other EOPIE, is pulling 
 another engine. With THREEPIO walking alongside, ARTOO 
 trundles behind, pulling the Pod with SHMI sitting on it. 
 WATTO passes ANAKIN as he leaves.
 
 WATTO (SUBTITLED)
 Bonapa keesa pateeso, o wanna meetee 
 chobodd.
 (Better stop your friends betting, 
 or I'll end up owning him, too.)
 
 WATTO walks off, laughing.
 
 ANAKIN
 What did he mean by that?
 
 QUI-GON
 I'll tell you later.
 
 IG-88: Yeah. We don't want the Bronies to know about this.
 
 ARTOO beeps at THREEPIO.
 
 THREEPIO
 Oh my! Space travel sounds rather 
 perilous.
 
 ARTOO emits a series of beeps.
 
 THREEPIO
 I can assure you they will never get 
 me onto one of those dreadful 
 starships!
 
 KITSTER
 (to Anakin)
 This is so wizard! I'm sure you'll 
 do it this time, Annie.
 
 PADME
 Do what?
 
 KITSTER
 Finish the race, of course!
 
 PADME
 You've never won a race?
 
 ANAKIN
 Well... not exactly...
 
 PADME
 Not even finished?!
 
 ANAKN looks sheepish.
 
 ANAKIN
 ...but Kitster's right, I will this 
 time.
 
 QUI-GON
 Of course you will.
 
 EXT. MOS ESPA - STREET - DAY
 
 One of Darth Maul's PROBE DROIDS slowly floats down the main 
 street of Tatooine. It looks in shops and studies PEOPLE as 
 it searches for OBI-WAN, QI-GON, or the QUEEN.
 
 Ace D Copular: Any sign?
 
 Probe Droid: Nope. Not yet.
 
 EXT. MOS ESPA - DESERT RACE ARENA - DAY
 
 An EXTREME HIGH WIDE ANGLE reveals a vast arena in the 
 Tatooine desert. A large semi-circular amphitheatre that 
 holds at least a hundred thousand people dominates the 
 landscape. Large viewing platforms loom over the racetrack. 
 
 INT. MOS ESPA - ARENA ANNOUNCER'S BOX - DAY (FX)
 
 A two-headed ANNOUNCER describes the scene.
 
 FODE/BEED
 A: Toogi! Toogie!
 (Greetings)
 Toong mee cha kulkah du Boonta magi! 
 tah oos azalus ooval Poddraces.
 (We have perfect weather today for 
 the Boonta classic. The most hazardous 
 of all Podraces.)
 
 B : That's absolutly right. And a 
 big turnout here, from all corners 
 of the Outer Rim territories. I see 
 the contestants are making their way 
 out onto the starting grid.
 
 EXT. MOS ESPA - DESERT RACE ARENA - DAY
 
 On the left side of the tracks across from the grandstands, 
 a line of Podracers emerges from the large hanger, surrounded 
 by several CREW MEMBERS. Pods are pulled by a wide variety 
 of CREATURES and are led by aliens carrying flags. The PILOTS 
 stand facing the royal box.
 
 FODE/BEED (O.S.)
 A : La Yma beestoo
 (Yes, there they are!)
 B : I see Ben Quadinaros from the 
 Tund system. 
 A : ...eh Gasgano doowa newpa Ord 
 Petrovia! 
 (And Gasgano in thenew Ord Pedrovia.)
 B : Two time winner, Boles Roor...
 A : Poo tula moosta, woe grane champio 
 Sebulba du Pixelito! Splastyleeya 
 bookie ookie!! (On the front line 
 the reigning champion, Sebulba from 
 Pixelito. By far the favorite today.) 
 B : And a late entry, Anakin 
 Skywalker, a local boy.
 B: And Finally, 4 time NASCAR winner, IG-80.
 A : Wampa peedunkee unko
 ( I hope he has better luck this 
 time.) 
 B : I see the flaggers are moving 
 onto the track.
 
 EXT. MOS ESPA - ARENA - GRANDSTAND - DAY
 
 Colorful canopies shade some of the SPECTATORS. VENDORS sell 
 barbecued creature parts and colorful drinks.
 
 EXT. MOS ESPA - ARENA - ROYAL BOX - DAY (FX)
 
 All the PILOTS bow from the waist as JABBA THE HUTT enters 
 the box and waves to the crowd.
 
 IG-88: Oh no. It's him.
 
 Reese: Who?
 
 IG-88: Jabba the Hutt.
 FODE/BEED
 A : O grandio lust, Jabba Du Hutt, 
 amu intoe tah parena.
 (His honor, our glorious host, Jabba 
 the Hutt has entered the arena.)
 
 
 The crowd ROARS. SEVERAL OTHER SLUG-LIKE HUTTS follow, along 
 with humans and aliens. Several SLAVE GIRLS on a chain are 
 led alongside JABBA.
 
 JABBA (SUBTITLED)
 Chowbaso! Tam ka chee Boonta rulee 
 ya, kee madda hodrudda du wundee. 
 (Welcome!) 
 Sebulba tuta Pixelito...
 
 EXT. MOS ESPA - ARENA - STARTING GRID - DAY
 
 SEBULBA, who is right next to ANAKIN, stands and waves to 
 his fans. A small pep band plays as his fans wave and cheer.
 
 IG-88: Why couldn't they get Blink-182 to perform?
 
 Meg: I have no idea.
 
 KITSTER attaches the giant engins to Anakin's Pod with a 
 long cable. SHMI gives ANAKIN a big hug and kiss. She looks 
 him right in the eye.
 
 SHMI
 Be safe.
 
 ANAKIN
 I will, Mom. I promise.
 
 She leaves as ANAKIN checks the cable hitches.
 
 JABBA
 ...Mawhonic tuta Hok, Teemto Pagalies 
 tuta Moonus Mandel, Anakin SKywalker 
 tuta Tatoonine, IG-80....IG-80!?
 
 IG-80: Oh F**k. He said my name.
 
 Jabba: Ah F**k It. Carry on.
 
 IG-80: Ugh Thank God.
 
 The CROWD YELLS. ANAKIN waves to the crowd, as JABBA continues 
 with his introductions. SEBULBA moves over to one of Anakin's 
 engines. KITSTER and JAR JAR unhitch the EOPIES, and KITSTER 
 leads them away. ARTOO beeps that everything is OK. JAR JAR 
 pats ANAKIN on the back.
 
 JAR JAR
 Dis berry loony, Annie. May da guds 
 be kind, mesa palo.
 
 PADME comes up and gives ANAKIN a little kiss on the cheeek. 
 SEBULBA bangs on a part protruding from Anakin's engine. He 
 looks around to see if anyone has noticed.
 
 Devon then enters on a motorcycle, unnoticed to the crowd.
 
 Devon: Is 80 gonna win this? I don't think so! Ha Ha!
 
 Devon sneaks over to IG-80's engine and bangs the speed of the engine with his ball-peen hammer.
 
 Devon: Oh is he gonna be angry! Bully Ray will be impressed with my actions!
 
 He then exits, still unnoticed
 
 PADME
 You carry all our hopes. 
 
 ANAKIN
 I won't let you down.
 
 PADME moves away as SEBULBA edges his way next to ANAKIN and 
 gives him a sinister grin.
 
 SEBULBA
 Bazda wahota, shag. Dobiella Nok. 
 Yoka to Bantha poodoo.
 (You won't walk away from this one, 
 slave scum! You're Bantha poodoo.)
 
 
 ANAKIN (SUBTITLED)
 Cha skrundee da pat, sleemo. 
 (Don't count on it, slime-ball.)
 
 ANAKIN looks the evil SEBULBA in the eye with a cold stare. 
 QUI-GON approaches, and SEBULBA backs off toward his racer.
 
 JABBA (SUTITLED)
 ...Ka bazza kundee hodrudda! 
 (...Let the challenge begin!)
 
 The CROWD lets out a LOUD CHEER. QUI-GON helps ANAKIN into 
 his Pod. The boy straps himself into the tiny racer.
 
 QUI-GON
 Are you all set, Annie? 
 (Anakin nods)
 Remember, concentrate on the moment. 
 Feel. Don't think. Trust your 
 instincts. 
 (he smiles)
 May the Force be with you.
 
 IG-88: Remember 80, if the winds rise, the stars go boom. *to himself* Uh....That doesn't make sense at all guys. Come On. I Need to re-edit the screenplay for this movie. *to 80* Got it?
 
 IG-80: Got it 88.
 
 QUI-GON steps away as ANAKIN puts on his goggles. The PILOTS 
 flip switches, and powerful energy binders shoot between the 
 engines. ANAKIN flips a switch, and his engine starts. The 
 incredible ROAR of high-powered engines igniting echoes 
 throughout the arena. One driver, ODY MANDRELL, yells at a 
 droid (DUM-4) to get away from the front of his engine. The 
 crowd is tense.
 
 EXT. MOS ESPA - ARENA - STARTING GRID - DAY
 
 The giant power-house engines torque as the PILOTS gun them. 
 The PILOTS flip switches, and poerful energy binders shoot 
 between the engines. Aliens carrying large flags move off 
 the track. JAR JAR covers his eyes.
 
 JAR JAR
 Mesa no watch. Dissen ganna be messy!
 
 Urkel: Oh be quiet you slug!
 
 Jar Jar: NO.
 
 IG-88: Oh don't get me started Jar Jar.
 
 Dipper: 88! No! Don't even think about it.
 
 IG-88: Sorry! He's just getting on my nerves!
 
 FODE/BEED
 A : Ya pawa culka doe rundee! (The 
 power couplings are being activated)
 B : Hey, it looks like they're 
 clearing the grid.
 
 EXT. MOS ESPA - ARENA - VIEWING PLATFORM - DAY
 
 SHMI looks nervously to QUI-GON as he enters a veiwing 
 platform. PADME and JAR JAR are already on board. The platform 
 rises like an elevator.
 
 SHMI
 Is he nervous? 
 
 QUI-GON
 He's fine.
 
 PADME
 You Jedi are far too reckless. The 
 Queen...
 
 QUI-GON
 The Queen trusts my judgment, young 
 handmaiden. You should too.
 
 PADME
 You assume too much.
 
 IG-88: Don't worry. You'll get used to the Squad's abilities. It's In Our Blood.
 
 EXT. MOS ESPA - ARENA ANNOUNCER'S BOX - DAY (FX)
 
 FODE/BEED
 B : Start your engines.
 
 The earth-pounding ROAR of the engines revving is deafening.
 
 IG-80: All right Here we go baby! I'm goin Fast!
 
 EXT. MOS ESPA - ARENA - ROYAL BOX - DAY (FX)
 
 Jabba bites off the head of a frog and spits it at a gong, 
 signaling the start of the race.
 
 EXT. MOS ESPA - ARENA - STARTING GRID - DAY
 
 On a bridge over the track, a great green light at the center 
 flashes. The Podracers shoot forward with a high-pitches 
 scream. ANAKIN'S engine floods and coughs - then dies. Same goes witg IG-80's as well. 
 All the other Podracers except one swerve around him and dissapear 
 down the track. The slave boy struggles to get his racer 
 started. The two-headed announcer reports.
 
 IG-80: Oh great.
 
 FODE/BEED (O.S.)
 A : An dare ovv!
 (And they're off!)
 
 B : Oh...wait. Little Skywalker and 80 has 
 stalled.
 
 PADME and JAR JAR are very dissapointed with ANAKIN. QUI-GON 
 puts his arm around a very worried SHMI to comfort her. 
 Finally, Anakin's engines ignite. He zooms away after the 
 receeding pack of competitors, leaving one quadra-Pod racer 
 still trying to get started. 80's Podracer is also still in the beginning track. The two-headed ANNOUNCER 
 describes the race as it progresses.
 
 FODE/BEED (O.S.)
 B : And there goes Skywalker... He'll 
 be hard pressed to catch up with the 
 leaders today. And as for 80, I'm sure he'll catch up too!
 
 IG-80: Come on! What is wrong with this engine? I got it fixed earlier!
 
 IG-88: Ugh. I got this. Phil, Alan, Stu, Urkel: Come with me.
 
 B: ANd it seems like 80's colleagues here are coming to deal with the problem on 80's podracer.
 
 IG-88: Is the engine broken again?
 
 IG-80: Apparently so.
 
 IG-88: OK. I got this.
 
 IG-88 tries to fix it, but accidentally gets him, Phil, Alan, Stu, and Urkel onto the SHip's other seats. The Glasses then close on them. ANd the Car then starts.
 
 IG-88: What's Going on? Why is the ship starting?
 
 IG-80: 88, tell me you did not press the Hyperspeed button. Did you?
 
 IG-88: I think i did.
 
 All: Uh oh.
 
 The Ship then zooms forward away THan any other Podracer, leaving fire marks on the road, similar to Back to the Future.
 
 B: Oh! AND THERE GOES 80 AT LIGHTSPEED!
 
 IG-80: AAAAAAAAAAAAA!
 
 EXT. MOS ESPA - RACETRACK - DAY (FX)
 
 The Podracers fly across the desert. SEBULBA is running neck 
 and neck with MAWHONIC. They round the first turn in the 
 track, side by side. SEBULBA drives his Pod into his rival, 
 forcing him into the wall of a large rock formation. MAWHONIC 
 crashes in a spectacular display of fire and smoke. ANAKIN 
 is much faster than the back-end stragglers and passes them 
 easily.
 
 One of the drivers, GASGANO, won't let ANAKIN by. ANAKIN 
 tries to pass him on one side and is cut off. He then tries 
 to pass him on the other side ansd is cut off. As they come 
 up on a cliff drop-off, ANAKIN backs off, then guns it as 
 GASGANO goes over the cliff. ANAJIN accelerates so fast that 
 he sails right over the top of GASGANO and speeds away.
 
 Four TUSKEN RAIDERS perched above the race course fire their 
 rifles at the Pods racing in the canyon below them. One shot 
 ricochets off the back of Anakin's Pod.
 
 FODE/BEED
 B : Looks like a few Tusken Riaders 
 have campe out on the canyon dune 
 turn.
 
 IG-80: HOW DO WE STOP THIS THING!?
 
 IG-88: I DON'T KNOW! BUT WE'RE OFF COURSE!
 
 Stu: God DAMMIT!
 
 (Suddenly the ship portals into a NASCAR track)
 
 IG-80: Dammit! This is the wrong area!
 
 Dario Franchitti: 80, This is a restricted area! What are you doing here?
 
 IG-80: I Have no Idea!
 
 Dario Franchitti: Well be careful! There's cars up front!
 
 IG-80: CARS UP FRONT!? OH NO!!!
 
 (80 suddenly realizes that he is in the middle spot of the NASCAR Indy500 Race.)
 
 EXT. MOS ESPA - ARENA - VIEWING PLATFORM - DAY
 
 JABBA THE HUTT and the crowd watch the progress of the race 
 on small, hand-held view screens. JAR JAR is looking over 
 the shoulder of a strange alien named FANTA.
 
 JAR JAR
 Where's Skywalker?
 
 FANTA moves the view screen out of Jar Jar's view. PADME, 
 SHMI, and QUI-GON watch another screen and look worried.
 
 ARTOO, down in the pits with KITSTER, lets out a worried 
 sigh. The driver of the quadra-Pod looks worried.
 
 EXT. MOS ESPA - RACETRACK - DAY (FX)
 
 ANAKIN is powering around corners and over hills and cliffs, 
 passing other racers right and left. SEBULBA is in the lead. 
 He is being challenged by another racer, XELBREE.
 
 SEBULBA slows a little, and as XELBREE pulls alongside, he 
 opens a side vent on the racer's engine and the exhaust starts 
 to cut through the alien's engine.
 
 The blast cuts along the engine until finally it EXPLODES. 
 SEBULBA deftly veers away.
 
 ANAKIN works his way through a dense mass of racers as they 
 zoom over a dune sea, kicking up dust. His Pod shakes 
 violently as he goes over a jump.
 
 One of the Podracers, ODY, catches one of his engines in the 
 sand, and the whole thing EXPLODES.
 
 IG-88: This is the reason why the winds RIIIIIIISE! THIS LINE DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALLLLLLLLLL!
 
 Urkel: I'm too scared of crashes! I'm too scared of crashes!
 
 (80's car easily avoids Will Power's as well as Dario Franchitti's and Tony Kanaan's)
 
 (The racer then portals into Bangkok)
 
 IG-88: Bangkok God Dammit!
 
 Stu: PIIIIIG!
 
 IG-80: Oh No!
 
 (The ship crashes into the pig)
 
 Stu: AAAAA! AAAAAA!
 
 Alan: Oh my Word!
 
 Stu: What is going on!?
 
 (The Racer portals into a bright blue sky.)
 
 IG-80: This thing can fly!?
 
 Stu: Hallelujah We could've dropped down FLAT! BOOM! CRASH!
 
 EXT. MOS ESPA - ARENA - VIEWING PLATFORM - DAY
 
 QUI-GON sits quietly, meditating. PADME and SHMI search the 
 landscape for any sign of the racers. JAR JAR is still 
 annoying FANTA for information. The crowd SCREAMS. WATTO is 
 laughing with his friends, confident in Anakin's defeat.
 
 The quadra-Pod engines start just as the racers come around 
 the corner. The DRIVER, BEN QUADINAROS, puts it in gear, and 
 the four engines go off in all directions, EXPLODING in a 
 spectacular display. The Pod drops to the ground as SEBULBA 
 enters the arena, closely followed by all the OTHER RACERS.
 
 KITSTER strains to see as ARTOO beeps excitedly. The announcer 
 continues.
 
 FODE/BEED (O.S.)
 B ; There goes Quadinaros' power 
 couplings.
 A : Sebulba! Ka pa me cheespa wata! 
 (Here comes Sebulba in record time.)
 
 QUI-GON, PADME, SHMI, and JAR JAR yell for joy as ANAKIN 
 passes. JAR JAR is very nervous and pounds on the back of 
 his alien neighbor, FANTA. 
 
 JAR JAR
 What gooie-on?
 
 FANTA
 Bug off.
 
 Mr. Potato Head: How's 80 doing?
 
 Slinky Dog: I don't know.
 
 IG-80: CAN YOU GET THIS THING TO CALL!?
 
 IG-88: I Can't! The Line is Offline!
 
 (The racer then heads toward a plane)
 
 Urkel: PLAAAAAAAAAANE!
 
 IG-88 And IG-80: AAA!
 
 (The Racer crashes into the plane.)
 
 IG-80: SORRY!
 
 Lap two. SEBULBA and the pack race past the main arena. The 
 crowd stands and YELLS as the Podracers scream off into the 
 distance. QUI-GON and PADME look worried.
 
 JAR JAR
 He musta crash-ud.
 
 PADME
 Here he comes!
 
 EXT. MOS ESPA - ARENA - PIT AREA - DAY (FX)
 
 ARTOO lets out an excited whistle, as KITSTER yells.
 
 THREEPIO : He has to complete two more circuits? Oh dear!
 
 EXT. MOS ESPA - RACETRACK - DAY (FX)
 
 Sure enough, coming around the bend is ANAKIN, quickly gaining 
 on the pack.
 
 The two-headed announcer describes the action. The crowd 
 goes wild.
 
 FODE/BEED (O.S.)
 B : It looks like Skywalker is moving 
 up through the field. He's in...
 A : Steeth pa nagoola! 
 (Sixth place, not bad.)
 
 ANAKIN continues to gain on the pack. Tension for SHMI and 
 PADME is unbearable.
 
 ODY stops in the pits. Droids work on his engines. DUM-4 
 stands in front of the engine and is sucked in, causing the 
 engine to die. DUM-4 is spit out the back of the engine, 
 very bent up. The engine lets out one final wheeze, then 
 EXPLODES in a puff of smoke.
 
 FODE/BEED (O.S.)
 A : Ody Mandrell! Coona wa wunda 
 dunko!
 (Ody Mandrell into the pits for some 
 attention.)
 
 
 ODY
 Droids!
 
 TERTER is getting close to SEBULBA, who purposely breaks a 
 small part off his Pod, sending it into Terter's engine, 
 causing him to veer into ANAKIN, and unhooks one of the main 
 straps on Anakin's engines that links the Pod to his engines. 
 ANAKIN struggles to keep control of the little Pod. It whips 
 about wildly.
 
 As the Pod swings near the broken engine strap, ANAKIN grabs 
 for it.
 
 Finally, he catches the strap and manages to unhook it to 
 the Pod.
 
 SEBULBA cuts the engine of OBITOKI with his side exhaust, 
 and the racer crashes with a cloud of dust. A THIRD RACER, 
 HABBA, flie into the cloud of dust and crashes into OBITOKI. 
 ANAKIN rounds a corner and heads into the cloud of smoke. He 
 hits a part of one of the engines but regains control.
 
 FODE/BEED (O.S.)
 B :At the start of the third and 
 final lap, Sebulba is in the lead, 
 closely followed by Skywalker...
 
 ANAKIN finally catches up with SEBULBA, and runs neck and 
 neck over the rough terrain. JAR JAR, QUI-GON, SHMI, and 
 PADME all SCREAM s ANAKIN comes through the arena. The lights 
 in the tower indicate that this is the third and last lap. 
 WATTO begins to worry.
 
 SEBULBA uses his side exhaust port to try to cut through 
 Anakin's engines.
 
 ANAKIN manages to avoid having his engine disabled but is 
 forced off course.
 
 FODE/BEED (O.S.)
 B : Skywalker is forced onto the 
 service ramp!
 A : Oh noah!
 
 IG-80: Uh oh.
 
 Phil: What now?
 
 IG-80: I think My Podracer;s out of gas.
 
 All: Uh oh.
 
 (The ship then falls downward)
 
 IG-80: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
 
 IG-88: THIS IS NOT WHAT WE HAVE BEEN PREPARING FOR!
 
 Alan: ACCORDING TO THE GPS, WE'RE GONNA CRASHLAND IN VEGAS!
 
 IG-88: Oh Hell No!
 
 Suddenly, A Portal pops up and the ship enters it, which takes it all the way back to the Mos Espa Podrace Starting line, crashlanded. Luckily, 88 and the others survive.
 
 Beed: And 80 came back to the starting line via Portal!
 
 IG-80: I'm never podracing again.
 
 IG-88: Yeah. Let's get to the main bridge.
 
 Beed: Oh No! 80's Dropping out of the race!
 
 On a tight corner, ANAKIN dives to the inside and takes the 
 lead.
 
 FODE/BEED (O.S.)
 B : Amazing... a controlled thrust 
 and he's back on course! What a move!
 
 SEBULBA is furious. He stay's right on Anakin's tail, crowding 
 him and pushing him through the turns.
 
 SEBULBA pushes ANAKIN harder, and the young boy has a 
 difficult time keeping control. One of the parts on Anakin's 
 engines begins to shake loose. ANAKIN sees it and switches 
 over to an auxiliary system. While he is trying to accomplish 
 this maneuver, SEBULBA races past him.
 
 ANAKIN tries to get around SEBULBA, to no avail. Every move 
 ANAKIN makes, SEBULBA is able to block.
 
 Finally, ANAKIN fakes a move into the inside as he usually 
 does, then tries to go around SEBULBA on the outside. They 
 race sid by side down the final stretch of the track.
 
 FODE/BEED (O.S.)
 B : He's catching Sebulba.
 A : Inkabunga. 
 (Incredible!)
 
 SEBULBA veers toward ANAKIN and bangs into his Pod. He crashes 
 into ANAKIN over and over. The young boy struggles to maintain 
 control as the steering rods on the two Pods become hooked 
 together. SEBULBA laughs at ANAKIN.
 
 FODE/BEED (O.S.)
 B : That little human being is out 
 of his mind.
 A : Punda tah punda! 
 (They're neck and neck!)
 B : They're side by side!
 A : Bongo du bongu! 
 (Shoulder to shoulder!)
 
 As they head for the final stretch, ANAKIN fights to unlock 
 the steering rods by trying to pull away from SEBULBA. The 
 strain on the steering rod is tremendous. Suddenly, ANAKIN's 
 steering arm breaks, and his Pos starts spinning.
 
 The release of tension sends SEBULBA into an ancient statue. 
 One engine EXPLODES, then the other. SEBULBA skids through 
 the fire-balls, blackened, but unhurt. He slides to a smoking 
 stop, gets out of his racer, and throws what's left of a 
 shifter arm on the ground. Suddenly he realizes his pants 
 are on fire, and he struggles to put them out. ANAKIN flies 
 through the EXPLOSION as the crowd stands, CHERRING. PADME 
 and JAR JAR jump up and down with excitment, PADME screaming 
 for joy. ARTOO and KITSTER whistle hysterically. QUI-GON and 
 SHMI smile. ANAKIN races over the finish line, the winner.
 
 IG-88: HE DID IT! WE'RE FINALLY OUT OF HERE!
 
 INT. MOS ESPA - ARENA ANNOUNCERS BOX - DAY (FX)
 
 The two-headed announcer excitedly calls the finish.
 
 FODE/BEED
 B : It's Skywalker! The crowd are 
 going nuts! Oh Ah Oh Ah (rock head 
 in tandem with partner)
 
 EXT. MOS ESPA - ARENA - DAY
 
 As ANAKIN stops the Podracer, KISTER turns up, and they 
 embrace. Hundreds of SPECTATORS join them and put ANAKIN on 
 their shoulders, marching off, CHEERING AND CHANTING. Darth 
 Maul's PROBE DROIDS move through the crowd.
 
 Ace D Copular: Any sign yet?
 
 Probe Droid: Nope. Wait a minute, yes I did found them.
 
 Ace D Copular: Good. I'll inform Maul.
 
 INT. MOS ESPA - ARENA - PRIVATE BOX - DAY
 
 Several ALIENS leave Watto's box, laughing and counting their 
 money. WATTO sees QUI-GON standing in the doorway.
 
 WATTO
 You! You swindled me! You knew the 
 boy was going to win! Somehow you 
 knew it! I lost everything.
 
 Donald Trump: Listen Watto, I'm dealing with you tonight the same thing I did to Miss California.
 
 Watto: What's that?
 
 Donald Trump: You're fired! Get out of here! Get out of here.
 
 QUI-GON simply smiles.
 
 
 The SITH PROBE DROID watches with great interest.
 
 EXT. MOS ESPA - ARENA - MAIN HANGER - DAY
 
 The Main Hanger is almost deserted as RACERS depart.
 
 INT. MOS ESPA - ARENA - MAIN HANGER - DAY
 
 JAR JAR gives ANAKIN a great hug, then PADME gives him a 
 hug, then SHMI.
 
 ANAKIN
 Ah, gee...enough of this...
 
 SHMI
 It's so wonderful, Annie. You have 
 brought hope to those who have none. 
 I'm so very proud of you...
 
 PADME
 We owe you everything.
 
 ANAKIN
 Just feeling this good was worth it.
 
 In the background, QUI-GON has harnessed the EOPIES to 
 containers full of parts.
 
 QUI-GON
 Padme. Jar Jar, let's go, we've got 
 to get these parts back to the ship.
 
 IG-88: He's Right. Let's Go Squad.
 
 The GROUP walks over to QUI-GON and the EOPIES.
 
 PADME climbs on behind QUI-GON. JAR JAR swings up onto the 
 second EOPIE, only to slwly slide off the other side. ARTOO 
 whistles. ANAKIN and SHMI wave as they ride off.
 
 QUI-GON
 I'll return the eopies by midday.
 
 EXT. TATOOINE - DESERT - NABOO SPACECRAFT - DAY
 
 ARTOO cruises ahead of QUI-GON and PADME, who are riding one 
 of the EOPIES; JAR JAR ridses the other. They stop in front 
 of the sleek Naboo spacecraft.
 
 OBI-WAN comes out of the ship and joins them.
 
 QUI-GON
 Start getting this hyperdrive 
 generator installed. I'm going 
 back...some unfinished business. I 
 won't be long.
 
 OBI-WAN
 Why do I sense we've picked up another 
 pathetic life form...?
 
 QUI-GON
 It's the boy who's responsible for 
 getting those parts.
 
 IG-86: Any Trouble 80?
 
 IG-80: Nope not at all.
 
 IG-86: Good.
 
 IG-88: Unfortunately, 80 went into hyperspace while Podracing.
 
 IG-86 (to 80): YOU WENT INTO HYPERSPACE!?
 
 IG-80: I Can Explain.
 
 On a hill far overlooking the Naboo spacecraft, the SITH 
 PROBE DROID turns and speeds away.
 
 EXT. TATOOINE - STREET - SLAVE QUARTERS - DAY
 
 ANAKIN and A GREEDO are rolling around on the floor, fighting. 
 About A DOZEN OR SO KIDS are standing around them, yelling. 
 Suddenly, a long shadow is cast over the TWO BOYS; they stop 
 fighting and look up. QUI-GOMN is towering above them. KITSTER 
 is with them.
 
 QUI-GON
 What's this? 
 
 ANAKIN
 He said I cheated.
 
 QUI-GON
 Did you?
 
 ANAKIN
 No!
 
 QUI-GON
 Do you still think he cheated?
 
 GREEDO
 Yes.
 
 QUI-GON
 Well, Annie. You know the truth... 
 You will have to tolerate his opinion, 
 fighting won't change it.
 
 IG-88: The only thing that gets me cheated is Overrated NC-17 Movies. God they're bad.
 
 (Shows Clip from Showgirls)
 
 IG-88: CUT IT! DON'T SHOW THE CLIP FROM THAT CRAP! COME ON! JEEZ!
 
 QUI-GON moves off down the street. Anakin follows. The GREEDO 
 wanders over to WALD who has been watching the goings-on.
 
 WALD
 Keep this up, Greedo, and you're 
 gonna come to a bad end.
 
 Farther down the street QUI-GON and ANAKIN head toward 
 Anakin's hovel.
 
 QUI-GON takes a handful of credits from beneath his poncho 
 and hands them to the boy.
 
 QUI-GON
 These are yours. We sold the Pod.
 
 ANAKIN
 (suddenly beaming))
 Yes!
 
 INT. ANAKIN'S HOVEL - MAIN ROOM - DAY
 
 SHMI is cleaning up as ANAKIN bursts through the door, 
 followed by QUI-GON.
 
 ANAKIN
 Mom, he sold the Pod. Look at all 
 the money we have!
 
 ANAKIN pulls a bag of coins out of his pocket.
 
 SHMI
 Oh, my goodness, That's wonderful.
 
 QUI-GON
 And Anakin has been freed.
 
 ANAKIN
 What?!?
 
 IG-88: WHAT!? You thinkin like I am What!?
 
 QUI-GON
 You're no longer a slave.
 
 ANAKIN jumps for joy! SHMI is stunned.
 
 ANAKIN
 Did you hear that, Mom? 
 (to Qui-Gon)
 Was that part of the prize, or what?
 
 QUI-GON
 Let's just say Watto has learned an 
 important lesson about gambling.
 
 SHMI
 Now you can make your dreams come 
 true, Annie. You're free! 
 (turns to Qui-Gon)
 Will you take him with you? Is he to 
 become a Jedi?
 
 QUI-GON
 Our meeting was not a coincidence. 
 Nothing happens by accident.
 (to Anakin)
 You are strong with the Force, but 
 you may not be accepted by the Coucil.
 
 ANAKIN
 A Jedi! Mighty blasters, you mean I 
 get to go with you in your starship 
 and everything?!
 
 QUI-GON kneels down to the boy.
 
 QUI-GON
 Anakin, training to be a Jedi will 
 not be a easy challenge. And if you 
 succeed, it will be a hard life.
 
 ANAKIN
 But it's what I want. What I've always 
 dreamed about. Can I go, Mom?!
 
 QUI-GON
 This path has been placed for you, 
 Annie; the choice to take it is yours 
 alone.
 
 ANAKIN thinks, looks to his mother, then to QUI-GON.
 
 ANAKIN
 I want to go.
 
 QUI-GON
 Then, pack your things. We haven't 
 much time.
 
 ANAKIN
 Yipee!! (Repetition)
 IG-88: I'm Sorry. I'm Sorry. I Just can't stand that Yipee.
 
 ANAKIN hugs his mom and starts for the other room, then stops. 
 SHMI and QUI-GON give each other a knowing look. ANAKIN has 
 realized something.
 
 ANAKIN
 What about Mom? Is she free too? 
 You're coming, aren't you, Mom
 
 QUI-GON
 I tried to free your mother, Annie, 
 but Watto wouldn't have it.
 
 IG-88: Yeah. Tough luck for the Mom. It would be nice if she'd come though.
 
 ANAKIN
 But the money from selling...
 
 QUI-GON
 It's not nearly enough.
 
 SHMI comes over to her son and sits next to him. Taking both 
 of his hands in hers, she draws him close.
 
 SHMI
 Son, my place is here. My future is 
 here. It is time for you to let go... 
 to let go of me. I cannot go with 
 you.
 
 ANAKIN
 I want to stay with you. I don't 
 want things to change.
 
 SHMI
 You can't stop change any more than 
 you can stop the suns from setting. 
 Listen to your feelings; Annie, you 
 know what's right.
 
 ANAKIN takes a deep breath, drops his head. QUI-GON and SHMI 
 exchange a look of concern. When ANAKIN raises up, there 
 are tears in his eyes.
 
 ANAKIN
 I'm going to miss you so much, Mom...
 
 SHMI
 I love you, Annie... now hurry.
 
 ANAKIN and SHMI hug. ANAKIN runs into the other room.
 
 SHMI
 Thank you.
 
 QUI-GON
 I will watch after him. You have my 
 word. Will you be all right?
 
 SHMI
 He was in my life for such a short 
 time.
 
 INT. ANAKIN'S HOVEL - SECOND ROOM - DAY
 
 ANAKIN has thrown the last of his things in a small backpack. 
 As he leaves, he stops and pushes the button that wakes his 
 droid up. THREEPIO stares at him blankly.
 
 ANAKIN
 Well, Threepio, I'm free...and I'm 
 going away...in a starship...
 
 THREEPIO
 Master, Annie, you are my maker, and 
 I wish you well. Although I'd like 
 it better if I were a little less 
 naked.
 
 ANAKIN
 I'm sorry I wasn't able to finish 
 you, Threepio... give you coverings 
 and all... I'm going to miss working 
 on you. You've been a great pal. 
 I'll make sure Mom doesn't sell you 
 or anything. Bye.
 
 THREEPIO stares at ANAKIN as he rushes out of the room.
 
 THREEPIO
 Sell me?!?
 
 EXT. MOS ESPA - STREET - SLAVE QUARTERS - DAY
 
 KITSTER runs up to ANAKIN as he and QUI-GON exit Anakin's 
 hovel. SHMI stands in the doorway. ANAKIN pulls a handful of 
 coins out of his pocket and gives them to KITSTER.
 
 KITSTER
 There are so many of us who want you 
 to stay, Annie... You're a hero.
 
 ANAKIN
 I... 
 (looks to Shmi)
 I... have to go.
 
 QUI-GON has moved a short way down the street.
 
 KITSTER
 Well. 
 
 ANAKIN
 Well.
 
 KITSTER
 Thank's for every moment you've been 
 here. You're my best friend.
 
 ANAKIN
 I won't forget.
 
 ANAKIN hugs KITSTER and runs toward QUI-GON, then stops to 
 look back at his mother standing in the doorway. He turns 
 back to QUI-GON, then turns and runs back to his mother.
 
 ANAKIN
 (starting to cry)
 I can't do it, Mom. I just can't.
 
 SHMI hugs ANAKIN. QUI-GON watches from the distance. She 
 kneels down and looks him in the face.
 
 SHMI
 Annie, remember when you climbed the 
 great dune in order to chase the 
 Banthas away so they wouldn't be 
 shot... Remember how you collapses 
 several times, exhausted thinking 
 you couldn't do it?
 
 ANAKIN shakes his head.
 
 SHMI
 This is one of those times when you 
 have to do something you don't think 
 you can do. I know how strong you 
 are, Annie. I know you can do this...
 
 ANAKIN
 Will I ever see you again?
 
 SHMI
 What does your heart tell you?
 
 ANAKIN
 I hope so...yes...I guess.
 
 SHMI
 Then we will see each other again.
 
 ANAKIN
 I.. will become a Jedi and I will 
 come back and free you, Mom... I 
 promise.
 
 SHMI
 No matter where you are, my love 
 will be with you. Now be brave, and 
 don't look back... don't look back.
 
 ANAKIN
 I love you so much.
 
 SHMI hugs ANAKIN, then turns him around so he is facing QUI-
 GON, and off he marches, like the brave little trooper that 
 he is. He marches right past QUI-GON, starring right ahead, 
 tears in his eyes, determined not to look back.
 
 IG-88: Dang. It doesn't get more dramatic then in The Notebook.
 (Scene From The Notebook)
 
 EXT. TATOOINE - DESERT MESA - DAY
 
 The PROBE DROID beeps and whistles to DARTH MAUL. The SITH 
 LORD gets on a speeder bike and follows the PROBE DROID into 
 Mos Espa.
 
 EXT. MOS ESPA - STREET - FRUIT STAND - DAY
 
 ANAKIN and QUI-GON exit WATTO'S and stop before JIRA'S fruit 
 stand. ANAKIN hands JIRA some coins.
 
 ANAKIN
 I've been freed, and I'm going away. 
 Buy yourself a cooling unit with 
 this... Otherwise I'll worry about 
 you.
 
 JIRA is astonished. She stares, not knowing what to say.
 
 JIRA
 Can I give you a hug? 
 
 ANAKIN
 Sure.
 
 She gives him a hug.
 
 JIRA
 I'll miss you, Annie... there isn't 
 a kinder boy in the galaxy. You be 
 careful...
 
 ANAKIN runs to join QUI-GON, who has already started down 
 the street. As they walk along together, QUI-GON notices 
 something out of the corner of his eye. Suddenly, without 
 breaking his stride, he ignites his laser sword, swing around, 
 and lunges forward and cuts a lurking PROBE DROID in half. 
 QUI-GON inspects the sparking and fizzing DROID.
 
 ANAKIN
 What is it?
 
 QUI-GON
 Probe droid. Very unusual... not 
 like anything I've seen before.
 
 Come on.
 
 QUI-GON and ANAKIN start running.
 
 EXT. TATOOINE - DESERT - NABOO SPACECRAFT - DAY
 
 QUI-GON and ANAKIN run toward the Naboo spacecraft. ANAKIN 
 is having a hard time keeping up.
 
 ANAKIN
 Master Qui-Gon,sir, wait! I'm Tired!
 
 QUI-GON turns to answer and sees a DARK-CLOAKED FIGURE bearing 
 down on a speeder bike.
 
 QUI-GON
 Anakin, drop!
 
 IG-88: LOok Out!
 
 ANAKIN drops to the ground just as DARTH MAUL sweeps over 
 him. DARTH MAUL jumps off his speeder bike, and before he 
 has hit the ground, the Sith Lord has swund a death blow 
 with his laser sword that is barely blocked by QUI-GON.
 
 Robin: We got a Sith Lord!
 
 IG-80: Uh Oh.
 
 ANAKIN picks himself up. The two galactic warriors, Sith and 
 Jedi, are bashing each other with incredible blows. They 
 move in a continual cloudof dust, smashing everything around 
 them. This is a fierce fight. ANAKIN gets up, bewildered by 
 the confrontation.
 
 QUI-GON
 Annie, get to the ship! Take off! 
 Go! Go!
 
 QUI-GON struggles to fend off the relentless onslaught as 
 ANAKIN races to the ship.
 
 IG-88: I'm on your Side Annie. WAIT FOR ME GUYS!
 
 INT. NABOO SPACECRAFT - HALLWAY
 
 ANAKIN runs into the main hallway of the spaceship, where 
 PADME and Capt. Panaka are working.
 
 ANAKIN
 Qui-Gon's in trouble. He says to 
 take off...now!!
 
 CAPT. PANAKA
 Who are you?
 
 PADME
 He's a friend.
 
 Sora: We Met him at Tatooine and won a Podrace.
 
 IG-80: Yeah I could've won it. Then I retired. But I may make it to SportsCenter's Annual Not Top 10.
 
 INT. NABOO SPACECRAFT - COCKPIT
 
 Capt. Panaka, ANAKIN, and PADME rush into the cockpit where 
 OBI-WAN and RIC OLIE are checking the hyperdrive.
 
 CAPT. PANAKA
 Qui-Gon is in trouble, he says to 
 take off!
 
 PILOT
 I don't see anything.
 
 OBI-WAN
 Over there! Fly low!
 
 In the distance is a small cloud of dust.
 
 EXT. TATOOINE - DESERT - NABOO SPACECRAFT - DAY
 
 QUI-GON and DARTH MAUL continue theirsword battle. Leaping 
 over one another in an incredible display of acrobatics, the 
 two warrios hear the ship fly over them a few feet off the 
 ground. QUI-GON almost dissapears for a moment. Before DARTH 
 MAUL knows what's happening, QUI-GON is on the spacecrat's 
 ramp.
 
 EXT. TATOOINE - NABOO SPACECRAFT RAMP - DAY
 
 The SITH LORD immediately jumps onto the ramp after QUI-GON, 
 but barely makes it. His heels hang over the edge of a forty-
 foot drop. QUI-GON swings his laser sword with all his might 
 and knocks DARTH AMUL off the ramp and onto the desert floor. 
 The ramp closes, and the Naboo craft rockets away, leaving 
 the Sith Lord standing alone.
 
 EXT. SPACE - NABOO SPACECRAFT (FX)
 
 The sleek spacecraft rockets away from the planet Tatooine.
 
 INT. NABOO SPACECRAFT - HALLWAY
 
 ANAKIN and OBI-WAN rush into the hallway to find QUI-GON 
 collapsed on the floor opposite the entry. ARTOO is looking 
 over him. The JEDI is breathing hard, wet with sweat and 
 covered in dirt.
 
 ANAKIN
 Are you all right?
 
 QUI-GON
 I think so... that was a surpirse I 
 wont soon forget.
 
 IG-80: Same goes for me.
 
 OBI-WAN
 What was it?
 
 QUI-GON
 I don't know... but he was well 
 trained in the Jedi arts. My guess 
 is he was after the Queen...
 
 Aisling: Do you think He'll follow us?
 
 QUI-GON
 We'll be safe enough once we're in 
 hyperspace, but I have no doubt he 
 knows our destination.
 
 ANAKIN
 What are we going to do about it?
 
 OBI-WAN gives ANAKIN a "who are you?" look. ANAKIN returns 
 an innocent stare.
 
 QUI-GON
 We will be patient. Anakin Skywalker, 
 meet Obi-Wan Kenobi.
 
 ANAKIN
 Pleased to meet you. Wow! You're a 
 Jedi too?
 
 OBI-WAN gives the boy a skeptical look.
 INT. COCKPIT - SPACE
 
 RIC OLIE pulls back on the hyperdrive. OBI-WAN, QUI-GON, and 
 ANAKIN watch.
 
 QUI-GON
 Let's hope this hyperdrive works and 
 Watto didn't get the last laugh.
 
 The stars streak outside the cockpit window.
 
 EXT. SPACE - NABOO SPACECRAFT (FX)
 
 The ship streaks into hyperspace.
 
 EXT. THEED - STREET - NIGHT (FX)
 
 SEVERAL FEDERATION DROIDS patrol a deserted city street. The 
 Palace can be seen in the distance.
 
 INT. NABOO PALACE - THRONE ROOM - THEED - NIGHT
 
 NUTE sits in a strange, mechanical walking chair, which 
 approaches SIO BIBBLE and SEVERAL OTHER NABOO OFFICIALS. 
 RUNE follows a few paces behind.
 
 DROID GUARDS surround SIO BIBBLE and THE OTHERS as FOUR 
 COUNCIL MEMBERS watch.
 
 NUTE
 When are you going to give up this 
 pointless strike? Your Queen is lost, 
 your people are starving, and you, 
 Governor, are going to die, much 
 sooner than your people, I'm afraid. 
 
 
 NOstalgia Critic: Take him away!
 
 BIBBLE
 This invasion will gain you nothing. 
 We're a democracy. The people have 
 decided... They will not live under 
 your tyranny.
 
 Phelous: Oh! We're a Democracy! Blah Blah BLAH! GET HIM THE HELL OUT OF HERE!
 
 BIBBLE is taken away as OOM-9 approaches NUTE.
 
 OOM-9
 My troops are in position to begin 
 searching the swamps for these rumored 
 underwater villages... they will not 
 stay hidden for long.
 
 Linkara: Perfect! The Queen will soon be ours.
 
 INT. NABOO SPACECRAFT - MAIN AREA
 
 The ship is asleep. The lights are dim as PADME walks into 
 the main room.
 
 She goes to a monitor and watches the BIBBLE plea recording. 
 JAR JAR is stretched out on the floor, snoring. ARTOO is to 
 one side, cooing as he rests.
 
 PADME appears tired. She senses someone watching her and 
 turns around with a start. She sees ANAKIN sitting in the 
 corner, shivering and looking verydejected. She goes over to 
 him. He looks up at her with tears in his eyes. He is holding 
 his arms to keep himself warm.
 
 PADME
 Are you all right?
 
 ANAKIN
 It's very cold.
 
 PADME gives him her over-jacket.
 
 PADME
 You're from a warm planet, Annie. 
 Too warm for my taste. Space is cold.
 
 ANAKIN
 You seem sad.
 
 PADME
 The Queen is...worried. Her people 
 are suffering...dying. She must 
 convince the Senate to intervene, 
 or...I'm not sure what will happen.
 
 ANAKIN
 I'm...I'm not sure what's going to 
 happen to me. I dunno if I'll ever 
 see you again.. 
 (he pulls something 
 from his pocket)
 I made this for you. Sou you'd 
 remember me. I carved it out of a 
 japor snippet... It will bring you 
 good fortune.
 
 ANAKIN hands a wooden pendant to PADME. She inspects it, 
 then puts it around her neck.
 
 PADME
 It's beautiful, but I don't need 
 this to remember you. Many things 
 will change when we reach the capital, 
 Annie. My caring for you will always 
 remain.
 
 ANAKIN
 I care for you too. Only I...miss...
 
 ANAKIN is disturbed about something. Tears are in his eyes.
 
 PADME
 ...You miss your mother.
 
 ANAKIN looks at her, unable to speak. She hugs him.
 
 EXT. SPACE - PLANET CORUSCANT (FX)
 
 MOVE with the ship as it heads toward Coruscant.
 
 INT. CORUSCANT - CITYSCAPE - NABOO SPACECRAFT - DAY (FX)
 
 The spacecraft dlies over the endlesscityscape of Coruscant, 
 the capital of the galaxy.
 
 INT. NABOO SPACECRAFT - COCKPIT
 
 ANAKIN looks out the cockpit window in awe.
 
 RIC OLIE
 Coruscant...the capital of the 
 Republic...the entire planet is one 
 big city. 
 
 Phil: Finally. It took forever to get there.
 
 IG-88: Yeah.
 
 ANAKIN
 Wow! It's so huge!
 
 INT. NABOO SPACECRAFT - DAY (FX)
 
 The ship flies through the cityscape of Coruscant.
 
 EXT. CORUSCANT - SENATE LANDING PLATFORM - DAY
 
 Supreme Chancellor VALORUM, SEVERAL GUARDS, and SENATOR 
 PALPATINE stand on a landing platform.
 
 IG-86: There's Palpatine.
 
 The sleek Naboo spacecraft lands on the platform high above 
 the street level of the galactic capital. The ramp lowers. 
 OBI-WAN, QUI-GON, JAR JAR and ANAKIN descend the ramp first 
 and bow before PALPATINE and VALORUM.
 
 Capt. Panaka, TWO GUARDS, QUEEN AMIDALA, then PADME, RABE, 
 EIRTAE, and MORE GUARDS descend the ramp. QUEEN AMIDALA stops 
 before the group.
 
 ANAKIN and JAR JAR stand to one side, looking at the huge 
 city. PADME smiles at ANAKIN. PALPATINE bows before the Queen.
 
 PALPATINE
 It is a great gift to see you alive, 
 Your Majesty. May I present Supreme 
 Chancellor Valorum.
 
 IG-80: Valorum? Huh..Sounds like if Damien Sandow got sucked into a vacuum in a matter of seconds,
 
 
 VALORUM
 Welcome, Your Highness. It is an 
 honor to finally meet you in person. 
 I must relay to you how distressed 
 everyone is over the currant 
 situation. I've called for a special 
 session of the Senate to hear your 
 position.
 
 AMIDALA
 I am grateful for your concern, 
 Chancellor.
 
 PALPATINE starts to lead QUEEN AMIDALA and her RETINUE off 
 the platform toward a waiting air taxi.
 
 PALPATINE
 There is a question of precedure, 
 but I feel confident we can overcome 
 it...
 
 JAR JAR and ANAKIN start to follow, then stop, noticing that 
 OBI-WAN and QUI-GON are staying with the SUPREME CHANCELLOR. 
 QUEEN AMIDALA waves to the duo to follow her. ANAKIN looks 
 back to QUI-GON, and he nods to go ahead.
 
 ANAKIN and JAR JAR join the QUEEN, PALPATINE, PADME, RABE 
 and EIRTAE in the taxi. PALPATINE gives the Gungan and the 
 boy in the back of the taxi a skeptical look. JAR JAR leans 
 over to ANAKIN.
 
 JAR JAR
 Da Queens- a bein grossly nice, mesa 
 tinks.
 (he looks around)
 Pitty hot!
 
 VALORUM and the JEDI watch the taxi move off into the city.
 
 QUI-GON
 I must speak with the Jei Council 
 immediately, Your Honor. The situation 
 has become more complicated.
 
 Annoying Orange: How complicated? Is it complicated like Alec Baldwin and Meryl Streep in bed together? HAHAHAHA!
 
 Beast Boy: Close but not really.
 
 INT. PALPATINE'S QUARTERS - ANTEROOM - DAY
 
 QUEEN AMIDALA is sitting listening to PALPATINE. EIRTAE and 
 RABE stand behind the QUEEN; PADME is nowhere to be sen. 
 ANAKIN and JAR JAR are waiting in an adjoining room. They 
 can see the Queen but cannot hear what is being said.
 
 JAR JAR
 Dissen all pitty odd to my.
 
 ANAKIN
 Don't look at me. I don't know what's 
 going on.
 
 Capt. Panaka enters, then goes into the room with QUEEN 
 AMIDALA.
 
 INT. PALPATINE'S QUARTERS - LIVING AREA - DAY
 
 PALPATINE is pacing as Capt. Panaka enters. EIRTAE and RABE 
 stand to one side.
 
 PALPATINE
 ...the Republic is not what it once 
 was. The Senate is full of greedy, 
 squabbling delegates who are only 
 looking out for themselves and their 
 home sytems. There is no interest 
 in the common good...no civility, 
 only politics...its disgusting. I 
 must be frank, Your Majesty, there 
 is little chance the Senate will act 
 on the invasion.
 
 AMIDALA
 Chancellor Valorum seems to think 
 there is hope.
 
 PALPATINE
 If I may say so, Your Majesty, the 
 Chancellor has little real power...he 
 is mired down by baseless accusations 
 of corruption. A manufactured scandal 
 surrounds him. The bureaucrats are 
 in charge now.
 
 AMIDALA
 What options do we have?
 
 PALPATINE
 Our best choice would be to push for 
 the election of a stronger Supreme 
 Chancellor. One who will take control 
 of the bureaucrats, enforces the 
 laws, and give us justice. You could 
 call for a vote of no confidence in 
 Chancellor Valorum.
 
 AMIDALA
 He has been our strongest supporter. 
 Is there any other way?
 
 PALPATINE
 Our only other choice would to be to 
 submit a plea to the courts...
 
 AMIDALA
 There's no time for that. The courts 
 take even longer to decide things 
 than the Senate. Our people are dying, 
 Senator...more and more each day. We 
 must do something quickly to stop 
 the Federation.
 
 PALPATINE
 To be realistic, Your Highness, I'd 
 say we're going to have to accept 
 Federation control for the time being.
 
 AMIDALA
 There is something I cannot do.
 
 EXT. TEMPLE OF THE JEDI - DAY (FX)
 
 A unique building with it tall spires stands out against the 
 Coruscant skyline. A small transport passes by the vast 
 temple.
 
 INT. TEMPLE OF THE JEDI - COUNCIL CHAMBERS - DAY
 
 QUI-GON stands in a tall stately room. Twelve JEDI sit in a 
 semi-circle. OBI-WAN stands behind QUI-GON in the center of 
 the room.
 
 The Senior Jedi is MACE WINDU. To his left is an alien Jedi 
 named KI-ADI-MUNDI, and to his right, the Jedi Master, YODA.
 
 QUI-GON
 ...my only conclusion can be that it 
 was a Sith Lord.
 
 MACE WINDU
 A Sith Lord?!?
 
 IG-86: Correct. A Sith Lord.
 
 KI-ADI
 Impossible! The Sith have been extinct 
 for a millenium.
 
 IG-80: Ooh. Don't tease Episode IV Man.
 
 Ki Adi: You know I'm not teasing Episode IV.
 
 Reese: Good. We don't want the trilogy to get ruined anyways.
 
 Annoying Orange: Yeah. We don't want the trilogy to get knifed up! HAHAHAHAHA!
 
 YODA
 The very Republic is threatened, if 
 involved the Sith are.
 
 MACE WINDU
 I do not believe they could have 
 returned without us knowing.
 
 YODA
 Hard to see, the dark side is. 
 Discover who this assassin is, we 
 must.
 
 Sora: Yoda's Right. We need to find out what this assassin is.
 
 Mario: Yeah. It could be anyone. I mean what's this Nostalgia Critic comin to?
 
 IG-88: I got no idea. Probably it's because of the mindless ideas Eli Roth can come up with for his movies! That was a terrible line.
 
 Gina: Well already, I can sense another attack heading toward Naboo.
 
 MACE WINDU
 This attack was with purpose, that 
 is clear, and I agree the Queen is 
 the target.
 
 YODA
 With this Naboo queen you must stay, 
 Qui-Gon. Protect her.
 
 MACE WINDU
 We will use all our resources here 
 to unravel this mystery and discover 
 the identity of your attacker... May 
 the Force be with you.
 
 YODA
 May the Force be with you.
 
 IG-88: Thanks for your time Windu. We appreciate it. No Pulp Fiction Mention Needed.
 OBI-WAN turns to leave, but QUI-GON continues to face the 
 Council.
 
 YODA
 Master Qui-Gon more to say have you?
 
 QUI-GON
 With your permission, my Master. I 
 have encountered a vergence in the 
 Force.
 
 YODA
 A vergence, you say?
 
 MACE WINDU
 Located around a person?
 
 QUI-GON
 A boy... his cells have the highest 
 concentration of midi-chlorians I 
 have seen in a life form. It is 
 possible he was conceived by the 
 midi-chlorians.
 
 MACE WINDU
 You're referring to the prophesy of 
 the one who will bring balance to 
 the Force...you believe it's this 
 boy??
 
 QUI-GON
 I don't pressume...
 
 YODA
 But you do! Rrevealed your opinion 
 is.
 
 QUI-GON
 I request the boy be tested.
 
 The JEDI all look to one another. They nod and turn back to 
 OBI-WAN and QUI-GON.
 
 YODA
 Trained as a Jedi, you request for 
 him?
 
 QUI-GON
 Finding him was the will of the 
 Force...I have no doubt of that.
 
 There is too much happening here...
 
 MACE WINDU
 Bring him before us, then.
 
 YODA
 Tested he will be.
 
 INT. QUEENS QUARTERS - CORUSCANT - DAY 
 
 Anakin, tentative, walks down one of the long hallways in 
 Senator Palpatine's quarters. He stops before a dor that is 
 flanked by TWO GUARDS.
 
 IG-88: Oh This is the good part. Bad Jake Lloyd Acting!
 Todd: Uh...Why Bring that up sir?
 IG-88: I Don't Know. I just wanna see how bad this actor can act.
 GUARD
 May I help you, son? 
 
 ANAKIN
 I'm...I'm looking for the handmaiden, 
 Padme.
 
 IG-88: The I'm...I'm Part gets on my nerves for no reason.
 The GUARD speaks into his comlink as ANAKIN looks around a 
 bit nervously.
 
 GUARD
 The boy is here to see Padme.
 
 RABE
 Send him in.
 
 The doors open, and ANAKIN enters the Queen's quarters.
 
 RABE greets ANAKIN as TWO OTHER HANDMAIDENS come and go into 
 the next room.
 
 ANAKIN
 I'd like to speak with Padme, if I 
 could.
 
 RABE
 I'm sorry, Annie. Padme is not here 
 right now.
 
 IG-88: Yeah She's probably filming that Joseph Gordon-Levitt Drama Hesher.
 The Queen speaks out in the next room.
 
 AMIDALA (O.S.)
 Who is it?
 
 RABE
 Anakin Skywalker, to see Padme, Your 
 Highness.
 
 The QUEEN moves into the doorway and studies ANAKIN. ANAKIN 
 bows and looks down, then takes a peek at her.
 
 AMIDALA
 I've sent Padme on an errand.
 
 IG-88: What Errand? You mean for the Academy Awards?
 Todd: You know she did win an academy award right?
 IG-88: Yeah I Know Todd. I guess the errand is for presenting an award out to someone.
 ANAKIN
 I'm going to the Jedi temple to start 
 my training, I hope.
 
 IG-88: Second, delete the I Hope. We all know Anakin's Gonna Train Later In The Movie. Like In A Matter Of Seconds.
 The QUEEN just stares at him.
 
 ANAKIN
 I may not see her again... and... I 
 just wanted to say goodbye.
 
 IG-88: Oh Please. This is the reason why Jake stayed away from acting for a pretty long time.
 AMIDALA
 We will tell her for you. We're sure 
 her heart goes with you.
 
 ANAKIN bows again.
 
 ANAKIN
 Thank you, Your Highness. I'm sorry 
 to have disturbed you.
 
 IG-88: And The Award for Worst Young Actor In A Sci-Fi Movie goes to.....Jake Lloyd!
 The QUEEN dissapears behind the doorway, and ANAKIN exits.
 
 EXT. CORUSCANT - GALACTIC SENATE BUILDING - DAY (FX)
 
 A large, distinctive looking domed building stands out amid 
 the cityscape of Coruscant.
 
 INT. MAIN ROTUNDA - GALACTIC SENATE - DAY
 
 The Senate chambers are huge. Thousands of SENATORS and their 
 AIDES sit in the circular assembly area. CHANCELLOR VALORUM 
 sits in an elevated area in the center. Hindreds of AIDES 
 and DROIDS hurry about. SENATOR PALPATINE, QUEEN AMIDALA, 
 EIRTA, RABE, and Capt. Panaka sit in the Naboo congressional 
 box, which is actually a floating platform. PALPATINE leans 
 over to the QUEEN.
 
 PALPATINE
 If the Federation moves to defer the 
 motion...Your Majesty, Ibeg of you 
 to ask for a resolution to end this 
 congressional session. 
 
 AMIDALA
 I wish I had your confidence in this, 
 Senator.
 
 IG-86: Amidala, you must accept a new election for the Chancellor. It's your only chance.
 
 AMIDALA
 You truely believe Chancellor Valorum 
 will not bring our motion to a vote?
 
 PALPATINE
 He is distracted...he is afraid. He 
 will be of no help.
 
 VALORUM
 The Chair recognizes the Senator 
 from the sovereign system of Naboo.
 
 The Naboo congressional box floats into the center.
 
 IG-86: Ladies and gentlemen, You're Supreme Chancellor, Palpatine.
 
 PALPATINE
 delegates of the 
 Senate. A tragedy has occured on our 
 peaceful system of Naboo. We have 
 become caugt in a dispute you're all 
 well aware of, which began right 
 here with the taxation of trade 
 routes, and has now engulfed our 
 entire planet in the oppresion of 
 the Trade Federation.
 
 A second box rushes into the center of the Senate. It is 
 filled with Federation trade barons led by LOTT DOD, the 
 Senator for the Federation.
 
 LOTT DOD
 This is outrageous! I object to the 
 Senator's statements!
 
 VALORUM
 The Chair does not recognize the 
 Senator from the Trade Federation at 
 this time. Please return to your 
 station.
 
 LOTT DOD reluctantly moves back to his place.
 
 PALPATINE
 To state our allegations, I present 
 Queen Amidala, the recently elected 
 ruler of Naboo, to speak on our 
 behalf.
 
 QUEEN AMIDALA stands and addresses the assembly. There is 
 some applause.
 
 AMIDALA
 Honorable representatives of the 
 Republic, distinguished delegates, 
 and Your Honor Supreme Chancellor 
 Valorum, I come to you under the 
 gravest of circumstances. The Naboo 
 system has been invaded by force.
 Invaded...against all the laws of 
 the Republic by the Droid Armies of 
 the Trade...
 
 LOTT DOD
 I object! There is no proof. This is 
 incredible. We recommend a commision 
 be sent to Naboo to assertain the 
 truth.
 
 VALORUM
 Overruled.
 
 LOTT DOD
 Your Honor, you cannot allow us to 
 be condemned without reasonable 
 observation. It's against all the 
 rules of procedure.
 
 A third box representing Malastare moves into the center of 
 the room. AKS MOE, the Ambassador, addresses the convention.
 
 AKS MOE
 The Congress of Malastare concurs 
 with the honorable delegate from the 
 Trade Federation. A commision must 
 be appointed...that is the law. 
 
 VALORUM
 The point...
 
 VALORUM confers with several of his AIDES and VICE CHAIRMAN 
 MAS AMEDDA.
 
 PALPATINE whispers something to the QUEEN.
 
 PALPATINE
 Enter the bureaucrats, the true rulers 
 of the Republic, and on the payroll 
 of the Trade Federation, I might 
 add. This is where Chancellor 
 Valorum's strength will dissapear.
 
 VALORUM
 The point is conceded...Section 523A 
 take precedence here. Queen Amidala 
 of the Naboo, will you defer your 
 motion to allow a commission to 
 explore the validity of your 
 accusations?
 
 QUEEN AMIDALA is angry but remains composed.
 
 AMIDALA
 (angrily)
 I will not defer... I have come before 
 you to resolve this attack on our 
 sovereignty now. I was not elected 
 to watch my people suffer and die 
 while you discuss this invasion in a 
 committee. If this body is not capable 
 of action, I suggest new leadership 
 is needed. I move for a "vote of no 
 confidence"...in Chancellor Valorum's 
 leadership.
 
 VALORUM
 What?...No!
 
 This causes a great stir in the assembly. A loud mumur 
 cresendos into a roar of approval and jeers. CHANCELLOR 
 VALORUM is stunned and stands speechless. His Vice Chair, 
 MAS AMEDDA, takes over.
 
 MAS AMEDDA
 Order! We shall have order...
 
 Voice: QUIEEEEET!
 
 Things settledown a little. The Federation box settles next 
 to AMIDALA.
 
 Martha Weezer (From Jimmy Neutron): Sorry. Just wanted golden silence.
 
 PRINCE BAIL ORGANA moves his box into the arena.
 
 BAIL ORGANA
 Alderaan seconds the motion for a 
 vote of no confidence in Chancellor 
 Valorum.
 
 MAS AMEDDA
 The motion has been seconded by Bail 
 Organa of Alderaan.
 
 MAS AMEDDA turns to the confused VALORUM, and whispers 
 something to him.
 
 BAIL ORGANA
 There must be no delays. The motion 
 is on the floor and must be voted 
 upon in this session.
 
 LOTT DOD
 The Trade Federation moves the motion 
 be sent to the procedures committee 
 for study.
 
 The assembly begins to chant. VALORUM talks to MAS AMEDDA.
 
 ASSEMBLY
 Vote now! Vote now! Vote now!
 
 PALPATINE stands next to AMIDALA.
 
 PALPATINE
 You see, Your Majaesty, the tide is 
 with us... Valorum will be voted 
 out, I assure you, and they will 
 elect in a new Chancellor, a strong 
 Chancellor, one who will not let our 
 tragedy continue... 
 
 MAS AMEDDA
 The Supreme Chancellor requests a 
 recess. Tomorrow we will begin the 
 vote.
 
 The Federation delegation is furious. VALORUM turns to 
 PALPATINE.
 
 VALORUM
 Palpatine, I thought you were my 
 ally...my friend. You have betrayed 
 me! How could you do this?
 
 EXT. PALACE OF THE JEDI - BALCONY - SUNSET
 
 OBI-WAN and QUI-GON stand outside the palace on a balcony.
 
 OBI-WAN
 The boy will not pass the Council's 
 tests, Master, and you know it. He 
 is far too old.
 
 IG-88: You Kidding Me!? He's Only 9!
 
 QUI-GON
 Anakin will become A Jedi... I promise 
 you.
 
 OBI-WAN
 Don't defy the Council, Master..not 
 again.
 
 QUI-GON
 I will do what I must.
 
 OBI-WAN
 Master, you could be sitting on the 
 Council by now if you would just 
 follow the code. They will not go 
 along with you this time.
 
 QUI-GON
 You still have much to learn, my 
 young apprentice.
 
 Luigi: How much to learn?
 
 Qui Gon: As much as he can become a True Jedi Master.
 
 IG-80: Now that's something Jean Claude-Van Damme could do.
 
 Dipper: Dude, Jean Claude-Van Damme is not a Jedi.
 
 IG-80: What? First doing terrible comedy now he's faking Jedi Powers?
 
 Dipper: Afraid so.
 
 INT. PALACE OF THE JEDI - COUNCIL CHAMBERS - SUNSET
 
 ANAKIN stands before the TWELVE JEDI. MACE WINDU holds a 
 small hand-held viewing screen. In rapid succession, images 
 flash across the screen.
 
 ANAKIN
 A ship...a cup...a speeder.
 
 MACE WINDU turns the viewing screen off and nods toward YODA.
 
 IG-86: He seems wise.
 
 YODA
 Good, good, young one. How feel you?
 
 ANAKIN
 Cold, sir.
 
 YODA
 Afraid are you?
 
 ANAKIN
 No, sir.
 
 MACE WINDU
 Afraid to give up your life?
 
 ANAKIN
 I don't think so.
 
 ANAKIN hesitates for a moment.
 
 YODA
 See through you, we can.
 
 MACE WINDU
 Be mindful of your feelings...
 
 KI-ADI
 YOur thoughts dwell on your mother.
 
 ANAKIN
 I miss her.
 
 YODA
 Afraid to lose her..I think.
 
 ANAKIN
 (a little angry)
 What's that got to do with anything?
 
 IG-86: Calm down Anakin.
 
 YODA
 Eveything. Fear is the path to the 
 dark side... fear leads to anger... 
 anger leads to hate.. hate leads to 
 suffering.
 
 ANAKIN
 (angrily)
 I am not afraid!
 
 IG-88: SEE! Terrible Actor! Terrible Actor! They should've gotten Macaulay Culkin to portray the role. Oh wait he was a teen by the time the movie was filmed. Never Mind.
 YODA
 A Jedi must have the deepest 
 commitment, the most serious mind. I 
 sense much fear in you.
 
 ANAKIN
 (quietly)
 I am not afraid.
 
 YODA
 Then continue, we will.
 
 INT. PALPATINES QUARTERS - SUNSET
 
 QUEEN AMIDALA is standing, staring out the window, with JAR 
 JAR. The lights of the city shimmer before them. EIRTAE and 
 SABE stand near the door. JAR JAR turns to face the QUEEN 
 and sees her sadness.
 
 IG-88: Oh But THIS Is The Best Part.
 JAR JAR
 Mesa wonder why da guds invent pain?
 
 AMIDALA
 To motivate us, I imagine...
 
 JAR JAR
 Yousa tinken yousa people ganna die?
 
 AMIDALA
 I don't know.
 
 JAR JAR
 Gungans ganna get pasted too, eh?
 
 AMIDALA
 I hope not.
 
 JAR JAR
 Gungans do die'n without a fight.... 
 wesa warriors. Wesa gotta grand army. 
 Dat why you no liken us, metinks.
 
 IG-88: *shocked* JAR JAR BINKS SCARES ME!
 PALPATINE and Capt. Panaka rush into the rom and bow before 
 the QUEEN.
 
 CAPT. PANAKA
 Your Highness, Senator Palpatine has 
 been nominated to succeed Valorum as 
 Supreme Chancellor. 
 
 PALPATINE
 A surprise, to be sure, but a welcome 
 one. I promise, Your Majesty, if I 
 am elected, I will bring democracy 
 back to the Republic. I will put an 
 end to corruption. The Trade 
 Fedreation will lose its influence 
 over the bureaucrats, and our people 
 will be freed.
 
 AMIDALA
 Who else can be nominated?
 
 CAPT. PANAKA
 Bail Antilles of Alderaan and Ainlee 
 Teem of Malastare.
 
 PALPATINE
 I feel confident...our "situation" 
 will create a strong sympaphy vote 
 for us... I will be Chancellor, I 
 promise you.
 
 AMIDALA
 I fear by the time you have control 
 of the bureaucrats, Senator, there 
 will be nothing left of our cities, 
 our people, our way of life...
 
 PALPATINE
 I understand your concern, Your 
 Majesty; unfortunately, the Federation 
 has possession of our planet. The 
 law is in their favor.
 
 AMIDALA
 With the Senate in transition, there 
 is nothing more I can do 
 here...Senator, this is your arena. 
 I feel I must return to mine. I have 
 decided to go back to Naboo. My place 
 is with my people.
 
 PALPATINE
 Go back!! But, Your Majesty, be 
 realistic! You would be in danger. 
 They will force you to sign the 
 treaty.
 
 AMIDALA
 I will sign no treaty, Senator. My 
 fate will be no different from that 
 of our people. Captain!
 
 CAPT. PANAKA
 Yes, Your Highness?
 
 AMIDALA
 Ready my ship!
 
 CAPT. PANAKA
 Please, Your Majesty, stay 
 here...where it's safe.
 
 AMIDALA
 No place is safe, if the Senate 
 doesn't condemn this invasion. It is 
 clear to me now that the Republic no 
 longer functions as a democracy. If 
 you win the election, Senator, I 
 know you will do everything possible 
 to stop the Federation. I pray you 
 will bring sanity and compassion 
 back to the Senate.
 
 AMIDALA and her RETINUE exit the room. PALPATINE has a self-
 satisfied smile on his face.
 
 INT. TEMPLE OF THE JEDI - COUNCIL CHAMBERS - TWILIGHT
 
 ANAKIN, OBI-WAN, and QUI-GON stand before the TWELVE MEMBERS 
 OF THE JEDI COUNCIL.
 
 YODA
 ...Correct you were, Qui-Gon.
 
 MACE WINDU
 His cells contain a high concentration 
 of midi-chlorians.
 
 IG-88: Hope it doesn't spread like twerking.
 
 Mabel: What's With the crazy Twerking mentions!?
 
 Todd: Don't know. Probably because of the VMA Controversey.
 (Clip Of The VMA 2013 "You Know What" Controversey)
 
 KI-ADI
 The Force is strong with him.
 
 QUI-GON
 He's to be trained, then.
 
 The COUNCIL MEMBERS look to one another.
 
 MACE WINDU
 No. He will not be trained.
 
 IG-88: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?
 
 Reese: You've got to be kidding me.
 
 Mace Windu: No.
 
 ANAKIN is crestfallen; tears begin to form in his eyes.
 
 QUI-GON
 No??!!
 
 OBI-WAN smiles.
 
 IG-80: But WHYYYYYYY!?
 MACE WINDU
 He is too old. There is already too 
 much anger in him. 
 
 Numbuh 3: Oh Come On! He's Only 9!
 
 Mace Windu: No.
 
 Numbuh 4: 9 is YOUNG! Not Old! YOUNG!!!
 
 Mace Windu: No.
 
 IG-80: Are you gonna keep saying no all the time?! There's gotta be a yes!
 
 Mace Windu: No.
 
 Stu: If you say no again I'll hit somebody all right? Are you gonna tell me no again!?
 
 Phil: Stu calm down!
 QUI-GON
 He is the chosen one...you must see 
 it.
 
 YODA
 Clouded, this boy's future is. Masked 
 by his youth.
 
 QUI-GON
 I will train him, then. I take Anakin 
 as my Padawan learner.
 
 IG-88: Oh. Well, that's something.
 
 Alan: I could've trained him.
 
 Robin: You're not even a Jedi Alan!
 
 Alan: Yes I am! I've been doing this job every month!
 
 Mace Windu: No. You are not a Jedi.
 Alan: HEY!
 
 Doug: Please stop saying that!
 Mace Windu: No.
 IG-80: Oh My God. This Is Mindless Torture.
 
 OBI-WAN reacts with surprise. ANAKIN watches with interest.
 
 YODA
 An apprentice, you have, Qui-Gon. 
 Impossible, to take on a second.
 
 MACE WINDU
 We forbid it.
 
 QUI-GON
 Obi-Wan is ready...
 
 OBI-WAN
 I am ready to face the trials.
 
 IG-80: Really!?
 
 Jessie: That's Impossible!
 YODA
 Ready so early, are you? What know 
 you of ready?
 
 ANAKIN watches as QUI-GON and OBI-WAN exchange angry looks.
 
 QUI-GON
 Headstrong....and he has much to 
 learn about the living Force, but he 
 is capabe. There is little more he 
 will learn from me.
 
 YODA
 Our own council we will keep on who 
 is ready. More to learn, he has...
 
 MACE WINDU
 Now is not the time for this...the 
 Senate is voting for a new Spreme 
 Chancellor. Queen Amidala is returning 
 home, which will put pressure on the 
 Federation, and could widen the 
 confrontation.
 
 IG-88: You kidding me!? Naboo is INVADED. IN. VADED.
 
 Mace Windu: It doesn't matter. Now shut your mouth before I shut it for you.
 
 IG-88: Oh We'll See About That.
 
 YODA
 And draw out the Queen's attacker.
 
 KI-ADI
 Events are moving fast...too fast.
 
 MACE WINDU
 Go with the Queen to Naboo and 
 discover the identity of the dark 
 warrior. That is the clue we need 
 to unravel this mystery of the Sith.
 
 YODA
 Young Skywalker's fate will be decided 
 later.
 
 Reese: Hope he turns into a Jedi Someday.
 Meg: I feel the same too babe.
 QUI-GON
 I brought Anakin here; he must stay 
 in my charge. He has nowhere else to 
 go.
 
 MACE WINDU
 He is your ward, Qui-Gon...we will 
 not dispute that.
 
 YODA
 Train him not. Take him with you, 
 but train him not!
 
 IG-80: Oh come on.
 
 Aisling: You sure about this 88?
 
 IG-88: I'm sure. We'll defeat the Empire as we know it. (Kisses Aisling on the lips)
 
 Mace Windu: HEY! There's no-
 
 Stu: NO!? YOU JUST CAUSED SOMEONE THEIR LIFE GAME OVER! (Takes out his laser to aim at Windu, but accidentally shoots a tourist (Played by Zeltic Bouric of 2012). Oops.
 
 Beast Boy: WHOA! DUDE!
 
 Qui Gon: WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING STU!?
 
 Stu: I'M SORRY! IT WAS MY BAD!
 
 IG-88: He was a f**kin extra!
 
 Stu: I DIDN'T KNOW!
 
 Todd: Guys I'm calling 911 right now.
 
 Stu: OH GOD!
 
 Reese: Way to go Stu.
 
 Anakin: Yeah. Why would you do something like this!?
 Robin: He Could've Gotten Killed! What Is Wrong With You!?
 
 Stu: Again, I didn't mean it! It was my mistake! Is he hurt?
 
 Todd: Yep. Major injuries.
 
 Stu: OH GOD!
 
 IG-88: Damn this just keeps getting crazy!
 
 MACE WINDU
 Qui Gon, Protect the Queen, but do not 
 intercede if it comes to war until 
 we have the Senate's approval. Until then, I will be at the scene of the incident that just RECENTLY OCCURRED.
 
 Stu: I'M SORRY!
 
 Raven: Yeah right. Let us never speak of this again.
 
 YODA
 May the Force be with you.
 
 OBI-WAN, QUI-GON, and ANAKIN leave.
 
 IG-80: Oh BTW, if you see a Bruce Willis autograph under your chair Windu, I apologize.
 
 EXT. CORUSCANT - SENATE LANDING PLATFORM - NIGHT
 
 QUI-GON, OBI-WAN, and ANAKIN stand on the landing platform 
 outside the ship. ARTOO whistles a happy tune as he leans 
 over the edge of the platform, watching the traffic. Suddenly, 
 he leans over too far and falls overboard. After a moment, 
 he reappears, using his on-board jets to propel himself back 
 onto the landing platform. The wind whips at ANAKIN as he 
 listens to the JEDI.
 
 IG-86: Here's the final bill. Our Condolensces go out to that extra's family. And don't lose that check! Got it?
 
 Shane Dawson: Got it 86. OK that's right guys. Bring him in the ambulance.
 
 OBI-WAN
 It is not disrespect, Master, it is 
 the truth. 
 
 QUI-GON
 From your point of view....
 
 OBI-WAN
 The boy is dangerous...they all sense 
 it. Why can't you?
 
 QUI-GON
 His fate is uncertain, not dangerous. 
 The Council will decide Anakin's 
 future...that should be enough for 
 you. Now get on board!
 
 OBI-WAN reluctantly boards the Naboo spacecraft followed by 
 ARTOO. QUI-GON goes over to ANAKIN.
 
 IG-88: Seriously, What was Stu Thinking!?
 Stu: Again I Didn't Mean It!
 Starfire: Yeah Right. I really hope he's OK.
 Slinky Dog: Same Here.
 ANAKIN
 Master Qui-Gon, sir, I do not wish 
 to be a problem.
 
 QUI-GON
 You won't be, Annie....I'm not allowed 
 to train you, so I want you to watch 
 me and be mindful...always remember, 
 your focus determines your reality. 
 Stay close to me and you will be 
 safe.
 
 IG-86: We must hurry though. The Critic should be this close to completing his invasion of Naboo.
 
 ANAKIN
 Master, sir... I've been wondering... 
 what are midi-chlorians?
 
 QUI-GON
 Midi-chlorians are a microcopic 
 lifeform that reside within all living 
 cells and communicates with the Force.
 
 IG-88: Kinda like if John Travolta hacked all radio communications for educational purposes.
 
 Dipper: Travolta's A Singer. Not An Educator.
 (Clip of the music video for Travolta's Let Her In)
 Dipper: A Terrible Singer to be precise.
 
 ANAKIN
 They live inside of me?
 
 QUI-GON
 In your cells. We are symbionts with 
 the midi-chlorians.
 
 ANAKIN
 Symbionts?
 
 QUI-GON
 Life forms living together for mutual 
 advantage. Without the midi-chlorians, 
 life could not exist, and we would 
 have no knowledge of the Force. They 
 continually speak to you, telling 
 you the will of the Force.
 
 ANAKIN
 They do??
 
 QUI-GON
 When you learn to quiet your mind, 
 you will hear them speaking to you.
 IG-80: Hearing voices already.
 ANAKIN
 I don't understand.
 
 QUI-GON
 With time and training, Annie...you 
 will.
 
 Two taxis pull up, and Capt. Panaka, SENATOR PALPATINE, TWENTY 
 OR SO TROOPS, GUARDS, and OFFICERS walk briskly toward the 
 ship, followed by QUEEN AMIDALA, PADME, EIRTAE, and finally, 
 JAR JAR. AMIDALA and her HANDMAIDENS stop before the JEDI.
 
 QUI-GON
 Your Highness, it is our pleasure to 
 continue to serve and protect you.
 
 AMIDALA
 I welcome your help. Senator Palpatine 
 fears the Federation means to destroy 
 me.
 
 QUI-GON
 I promise you, I will not let that 
 happen.
 
 AMIDALA enters the ship, followed by her HANDMAIDENS. JAR 
 JAR hugs QUI-GON and ANAKIN.
 
 JAR JAR
 Wesa goen home!
 
 IG-80: Oh please. Don't get me started Jar Jar.
 
 George: Yeah he's Right Jar Jar. Don't hug people under our supervision.
 
 Jar Jar: Oops. Sorry.
 
 IG-88: I'm Gonna F***ing-
 
 Dipper: NO! NO! NO! Let's Get inside! Come On!
 
 Anakin: Come on R2!
 
 Artoo Beeps 
 They ALL move onto the ship. The ship takes off.
 
 INT. NABOO PALACE - THRONE ROOM - THEED - NIGHT
 
 NUTE and RUNE stand before a hologram of DARTH SIDIOUS.
 
 DARTH SIDIOUS
 The Queen is on her way to you. I 
 regret she is of no further use to 
 us. When she gets there, destroy 
 her. 
 
 NUTE
 Yes, my Lord.
 
 STEPHANIE
 Critic, is the planet secure?
 
 NOstalgia Critic: Indeed Steph. We took out every last one of those towers and bankrupted them, just don't tell Donald Trump about this!
 
 UNDERTAKER
 Good. I will see to it that in the 
 Senate, things stay as they are. I 
 am sending Darth Maul to join you. 
 He will deal with the Jedi.
 
 NUTE
 Yes, my Lord.
 
 DARTH SIDIOUS, UNDERTAKER, AND STEPHANIE MCMAHON fade off.
 
 RUNE
 A Sith lord here with us?!!
 
 LInkara: Now that's gotta be some S*** plan you got there! I'm Into this!
 
 INT. SPACE - NABOO SPACECRAFT COCKPIT
 
 ANAKIN stands next to the PILOT, RIC OLIE, pointing to various 
 buttons and gauges.
 
 ANAKIN
 ...and that one?
 
 RIC OLIE
 The forward stabalizer.
 
 ANAKIN
 And those control the pitch?
 
 RIC OLIE
 You catch on pretty quick.
 
 IG-88: God. If Lloyd keeps acting like that, I would be as angry as Rachael Leigh Cook.
 
 Reese: Why's that?
 
 IG-88: Well...It's a long story.
 
 (Shows footage of the Rachael Leigh Cook Drug PSA)
 
 Reese: Wow.
 
 IG-88: I know.
 
 Rachael Leigh Cook: Any Questions?
 
 INT. NABOO SPACECRAFT - QUEEN'S CHAMBERS
 
 SABE and EIRTAE stand behind QUEEN AMIDALA as she talks with 
 QUI-GON and Capt. Panaka. OBI-WAN and JAR JAR watch.
 
 CAPT. PANAKA
 The moment we land the Federation 
 will arrest you, and force you to 
 sign the treaty.
 
 QUI-GON
 I agree... I'm not sure what you 
 hope to accomplish by this.
 
 IG-86: Nor are we sure what we can do to stop this madness.
 
 AMIDALA
 I'm going to take back what's ours.
 
 CAPT. PANAKA
 There are only twelve of us, Your 
 Highness....we have no army.
 
 QUI-GON
 I cannot fight a war for you, Your 
 Highness, only protect you.
 
 AMIDALA
 Jar Jar Binks!
 
 IG-86: Oh god no.
 
 JAR JAR looks around, puzzled.
 
 JAR JAR
 Mesa, Your Highness?
 
 AMIDALA
 Yes. I need your help.
 
 IG-88: And so the torture begins. Again. Oh Boy.
 INT. NABOO CRUISER COCKPIT - DAY
 
 The Naboo Cruiser heads toward the lush green planet. There 
 is only one Federation battle cruiser orbiting. OBI-WAN and 
 Capt. Panaka spot it on the view screen.
 
 PANAKA
 The blockade's gone.
 
 OBI-WAN
 The war's over...No need for it now.
 
 IG-80: Oh come on! I had my weapon fully loaded!
 
 Sora: Don't worry 80. Once we get to Naboo, there will be plenty of fightning.
 
 RIC OLIE
 I have one battleship on my scope.
 
 OBI-WAN
 A droid control ship.
 
 PANAKA
 They've probably spotted us.
 
 IG-88: Uh oh.
 
 OBI-WAN
 We haven't much time.
 
 INT. NABOO SPACECRAFT - MAIN HOLD
 
 The QUEEN, Capt. Panaka, TROOPS, and HANDMAIDENS get ready 
 to disembark as the ship alnds. The elevator door slides 
 open, and ANAKIN emerges into the hold area. He see PADME 
 and run up to her.
 
 IG-88: I'm serious. If I ever see that Gurgling guy, I will punch him right in the face RAGING BULL STYLE!
 
 Reese: Yeah. I'm not too sure about that.
 Meg: Could lead to a massive brawl.
 IG-88: I'm Just Saying Meg.
 
 ANAKIN
 Hi! Where have you been? 
 
 IG-88: And We get interrupted by Mr. Jake "He Can't Act" Lloyd.
 Anakin: What's That Supposed To Mean?
 IG-88: What? Nothing! Just talking to myself. That's All.
 PADME
 Annie! What are you doing here?
 
 ANAKIN
 I'm with Qui-Gon... but... they're 
 not going to let me be a Jedi. I'm 
 too old.
 
 Art: Again, You're 9 years old Anakin!
 
 Slinky Dog: Yeah. That's gotta be a young age for a Jedi!
 
 IG-88: Come On Lucas. The Voting Age for A Jedi is NOT 18. GET ON WITH IT MR. LUCAS. AND BESIDES: JAKE LLOYD CAN'T ACT!
 (Scene from Jake Lloyd Years Later Interview.)
 Jake Lloyd: It seems to be relatively over. I quit acting about 10 Years Ago. So I think that's pretty well behind me.
 IG-88: Yeah You Tell Them Jake! You Tell Them!
 
 PADME
 This is going to be dangerous, Annie.
 
 ANAKIN
 Is it? I can help... Where are we 
 going?
 
 PADME
 To war, I'm afraid. 
 
 IG-80: Oh Hell Yeah! I'm In!
 
 Padme: The Queen has 
 had to make the most difficuld 
 decision of her life. She doesn't 
 believe in fighting, Annie. We are a 
 peaceful people...
 
 ANAKIN
 I want to help...I'm glad you're 
 back.
 
 ANAKIN smiles. PADME smiles back.
 
 IG-88: And The Worst Young Actor In A Sci-Fi Movie Gets 2 Worst Awards, One For Bad Acting And The Other For Bad Expressions!
 EXT. NABOO SWAMP - DAY
 
 The Naboo spacecraft has landed in the Gungan swamp. TROOPS 
 unload the ships in the background as OBI-WAN approaches QUI-
 GON.
 
 OBI-WAN
 Jar Jar is on his way to the Gungan 
 city, Master.
 
 QUI-GON's thoughts are elsewhere.
 
 QUI-GON
 Good.
 
 OBI-WAN and QUI-GON stand silently for a moment.
 
 OBI-WAN
 Do you think the Queen's idea will 
 work?
 
 QUI-GON
 The Gungans will not easily be swayed, 
 and we cannot use our power to help 
 her.
 
 IG-86: Uh, Obi Won. The Apology. Now.
 
 OBI-WAN
 I'm... I'm sorry for my behavior, 
 Master. It is not my place to disagree 
 with you about the boy. I am grateful 
 you think I am ready for the trials.
 
 IG-88: At one point, I thought he was gonna change his mind to Channing Tatum.
 
 Qui Gon: Does that have anything to do with Naboo?
 
 IG-88: Just brought it up that's all.
 
 QUI-GON looks at Obi Won for a long moment.
 
 QUI-GON
 You have been a good apprentice. You 
 are much wiser than I am, Obi-Wan. 
 I foresee you will become a great 
 Jedi Knight.
 
 EXT. NABOO SWAMP - UNDERWATER - DAY (FX)
 
 JAR JAR swims down into Bubble City.
 
 INT. OTOH GUNGA - CITY SQUARE
 
 JAR JAR enters the main square of the bubble city. He stands, 
 stunned, in amazement and fear. He is nervous and shaking.
 
 JAR JAR
 Ello! Where das everybody?
 
 The plaza is empty. He notices that many of the buildings 
 are shot up as if there had been a battle of some kind.
 
 (Suddenly, someone shoots Jar Jar with a Laser Gun.)
 Todd: NO! NO. That Doesn't Happen Really.
 IG-80: OH COME ON TODD!
 Todd: Sorry. It's My Duty as Camera Man.
 IG-80: F**K!
 EXT. NABOO SWAMP LAKE - DAY
 
 JAR JAR exits the swamp lake and walks over to QUEEN AMIDALA, 
 Capt. Panaka, OBI-WAN, and QUI-GON. PADME, EIRTAE, RABE, 
 ANAKIN, and ARTOO, FOUR PILOTS, and EIGHT GUARDS stand in 
 the background near the starship.
 
 JAR JAR
 Dare-sa nobody dare. All gone. Some 
 kinda fight, I tink. Sorry, no 
 Gungas...no Gungas. 
 
 IG-80: Hit the Music!
 
 (IG-80 dances to Don't Stop the Party by Pitbull ft. TJR)
 
 Dipper: 80! DOn't! (Stops the Music) If you're gonna do this, we'll be here all night.
 
 IG-80: Aww!
 CAPT. PANAKA
 Do you think they have been taken to 
 camps?
 
 OBI-WAN
 More likely they were wiped out.
 
 JAR JAR
 No... mesa no tink so. Gungan hiden. 
 When in trouble, go to sacred place. 
 Mackineeks no find them dare.
 
 Urkel: Then where they must be at?
 
 IG-88: Los ANgeles?
 
 IG-80: New York?
 
 EXT. NABOO SWAMP - DAY
 
 The GROUP follows JAR JAR as he moves through the swamp. JAR 
 JAR stops and sniffs the air. The GROUP stop behind him.
 
 JAR JAR
 Dissen it.
 
 JAR JAR makes a strange chattering noise. Suddenly, out of 
 nowhere, CAPTAIN TARPALS and SIX OTHER GUNGAN TROOPS riding 
 on KAADUS emerge from the brush.
 
 IG-80: Oh you gotta be f**king kidding me.
 
 JAR JAR
 Heyo-dalee, Captain Tarpals.
 
 CAPT. TARPALS
 Binks!! Noah gain!
 
 JAR JAR
 We comen to see da boss.
 
 CAPTIAN TARPALS rolls his eyes.
 
 CAPT. TARPALS
 Ouch time, Binks... Ouch time for 
 all-n youse.
 
 IG-88: Oh god this is gonna suck.
 
 EXT. NABOO SACRED TEMPLE RUINS - DAY
 
 JAR JAR, QUEEN AMIDALA, ANAKIN, ARTOO, QUI-GON, OBI-WAN, 
 PADME, RABE,
 
 EIRTAE, and the rest of her group are led through a clearing 
 full of GUNGAN refugees. At the far end are the ruins of a 
 grand temple with massive carved heads. BOSS NASS and several 
 other COUNCIL MEMBERS walk out on the top of a three-quarter-
 submerged head.
 
 BOSS NASS
 Jar Jar, yousa payen dis time. Who's 
 da uss-en others??
 
 QUEEN AMIDALA steps forward. Capt. Panaka and the JEDI stand 
 behind her.
 
 AMIDALA
 I am Queen Amidala of the Naboo...I 
 come before you in peace.
 
 BOSS NASS
 Naboo biggen. Yousa bringen da 
 Mackineeks... Dya busten uss-en omm. 
 Yousa all bombad. Yousa all die'n, 
 mesa tink.
 
 Capt. Panaka and HALF A DOZEN GUARDS and PILOTS look around 
 nervously, and the GUNGAN TROOPS lower their long power poles. 
 The JEDI stay relaxed.
 
 IG-80: Hashtag Gungans Suck.
 Mordecai: Yeah.
 
 ANAKIN watches everything with great interest.
 
 AMIDALA
 We wish to form an alliance...
 
 Suddenly, PADME steps forward.
 
 PADME
 Your Honor...
 
 ARTOO whistles a quiet "uh oh."
 
 Reese: What's she doing!?
 
 IG-80: She can't interrupt her like that!?
 
 BOSS NASS
 Whosa dis?
 
 PADME
 I am Queen Amidala 
 (points to Queen)
 This is my decoy... my protection... 
 my loyal bodyguard.
 
 Kramer: WHAT!? ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?
 
 IG-88: Then...Then...WHO IS SHE!? (Takes out his scanner) KEIRA KNIGHTLEY!?
 
 Phil: WHAT THE- ELIZABETH SHAW!?
 
 IG-88: YES!
 
 Aisling: Totally unexpected.
 
 Beast Boy: Wow. That's life you know.
 
 ANAKIN is stunned. OBI-WAN and QUI-GON give each other a 
 knowing look.
 
 PADME
 ...I am sorry for my deception, but 
 under the circumstances it has become 
 necessary to protect myself. Although 
 we do not always agree, Your Honor, 
 our two great societies have always 
 lived in peace...until now. The Trade 
 Federation has destroyed all that we 
 have worked so hard to build. You 
 are in hiding, my people are in camps. 
 If we do not act quickly, all will 
 be lost forever...I ask you to help 
 us...no, I beg you to help us.
 
 PADME drops to her knees and prostrates herself before BOSS 
 NASS. There is a gasp from Capt. Panaka, HIS TROOPS, and the 
 HANDMAIDENS.
 
 PADME
 We are your humble servants...our 
 fate is in your hands.
 
 Slowly, Capt. Panaka and his TROOPS bow down before the GUNGAN 
 COUNCIL. Then the HANDMAIDENS, ANAKIN, and finally the JEDI. 
 The GUNGANS are puzzled by this. BOSS NASS begins to laugh.
 
 IG-88: No. Nope. Me, 80, Phil, Alan, Stu, Art, Urkel, and several of my other colleagues are not gonna bow down to an alien that spreads great criticism. Yeah you heard me Boss. Great Criticism. That's what you are.
 
 IG-86: 88, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?
 
 IG-88: Not now 86. LIsten Jar Jar, People are calling you the worst thing Ever. I mean look at the chart on Cheezburger.com. See the blue? The Dark Blue? That's how much hate you get. That's the hate YOU get. Let's read some fan reactions shall we?
 
 Qui Gon: What fan reactions?
 
 IG-88: CNN says that he's a Wide Eyed Floppy Speech inherited Amphibian. Yeah that's what you are Jar Jar. An AMPHIBIAN. A HORRIBLE ANNOYING AMPHIBIAN. One person even said that you're voice is ANNOYING. 80.
 
 IG-80: Everywhere, people are calling you BAD. New York Times, Slate, LA Times, South Park, Robot Chicken, Fairly Odd Parents, The Simpsons. They call you bland and unusual. I mean come on George Lucas what were you thinking!? And as for you Boss Nass, The gurgling just creeps us out. NO! NO! We don't wanna hear another gurgle from you.
 
 IG-86: Babe. Get them.
 
(With her teeth clenched, Gina Clenches Her Fists and Scuffs Her Feet on the ground before heading toward the 2 droids.)
 
 IG-80: It's even better Jar Jar that Indiana Jones had to kill you in Walt Disney World. (SHows footage) Ya see? THAT'S THE TRUTH THE WHOLE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH!
 
 IG-88: AND IT'S AAAAAAWESOME! NOW JAR JAR YOU CAN GO TO-
 
 Gina punches 88 and 80 several times.
 
 Gina: Listen, I don't wanna hear another word out of your mouths about the criticism of this character. I Hate him too. Just spread it in reviews! Not on Set!
 
 IG-88: Fine. But I swear if Nass Gurgles again, I'm gonna get mad. Carry on.
 
 BOSS NASS
 Yousa no tinken yousa greater den da 
 Gungans.. Mesa like dis. Maybe wesa 
 bein friends. (Gurgles)
 
 IG-88: Oh You Gotta be kidding me.
 
 Dipper: 88 DOn't
 
 Nass gurgles in front of him.
 
 IG-88: What the hell Man! DON'T DO THAT!
 
 Nass Gurgles again!
 
 Nass: Yeah! You Like That? YOU LIKE THAT!? (Gurgles)
 
 IG-88: SOMEBODY GET THAT PIECE OF S*** OUTTA MY FACE!
 
 Hulk Hogan: THAT'S IT! (Grabs Nass) Listen up Brother! I pay big bucks out there for these fans and this is not what they want to see. You Gurgling All the TIME! STOP IT! DO YOU THINK GUNGANS ARE GONNA TAKE DOWN THE HULKSTER!? NO! WELL, IF I WERE YOU, I'D STOP GURGLING RIGHT NOW! (Drops Nass) Sorry guys. Won't Happen Again.
 
 IG-88: Thank you Hogan. He deserved it.
 
 Jar Jar: How wude.
 
 IG-88: THAT'S IT! (88 BRAWLS JAR JAR)
 
 IG-86: HEY! SECURITY! BREAK IT UP! BREAK IT UP!
 
 (The entire cast and several WWE Superstars and celebrities as well as the crew, break up the brawl)
 
 IG-86: STOP IT! STOP IT! SSSSSTOP IT! YOU 2 NEED TO SETTLE DOWN! I MEAN COME ON! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE I HAD TO BR-
 
 (Before he can finish, IG-88 starts brawling Jar Jar again. All of the cast, Camera Crew, WWE Superstars, and celebrities break it up again)
 
 IG-86: ENOUGH! IF I EVER HAVE TO SEE YOU 2 GO AT IT AGAIN, I'M GONNA CALL E NEWS! NOW STOP! OK! STOP!
 
 IG-88: JUST ONE MORE TIME!
 
 (They start brawling again, and everyone breaks it up. IG-88 accidentally throws Jar Jar Onto the Camera, which causes Todd to fall over with the camera, with the screen cutting to the TV Color Bar as soon as it crashes.)
 
 INT. NABOO PALACE - THRONE ROOM - DAY
 
 NUTE, RUNE, and DARTH MAUL walk with a hologram of DARTH 
 SIDIOUS, UNDERTAKER, AND STEPHANIE MCMAHON.
 
 NUTE
 ...we've sent out patrols. We've 
 already located their starship in 
 the swamp... It won't be long, My 
 Lord.
 
 UNDERTAKER
 This is an unexpected move for her. 
 It's too aggresive... Lord Maul, be 
 mindful.
 
 DARTH MAUL
 Yes, my Master.
 
 STEPHANIE
 Be patient Taker... Let them make the first 
 move.
 
 Nostalgia Critic: Why can't it be now? Let's just get this invasion on the road.
 
 Stephanie: Patience Critic. Wait until the first move.
 
 EXT. NABOO EDGE OF SWAMP/ GRASS PLAINS - DAY
 
 A GUNGAN SENTRY sits on top of the ancient temple heah, 
 searching the landscape with a pair of electrobinoculars. He 
 sees something and yells down to ANAKIN at the foot of the 
 statue.
 
 GUNGAN LOOKOUT
 Daza comen!
 
 ANAKIN
 All right. They're here!
 
 IG-88: Another terrible acting lesson by Gungans And Jake Lloyd. I'm sure they'll make good Razzie buddies.
 
 ANAKIN yells and runs over to PADME and the JEDI, who are 
 discussing a battle plan with FIVE GUNGAN GENERALS. SABE and 
 EIRTAE stand nearby. BOSS NASS puts his arm around JAR JAR.
 
 BOSS NASS
 Yousa doen grand. Jar Jar bringen da 
 Naboo together.
 
 JAR JAR
 Oh, no, no, no...
 
 BOSS NASS
 So, wesa maken yousa Bombad General.
 
 JAR JAR
 General??! Oh, no..
 
 JAR JAR's eyes roll back, his tongue flops out and he faints.
 
 IG-88: SEE! THAT'S THE CRITICISM PEOPLE GIVE OUT TO HIM! I'M GONNA SHOW HIM!
 
 Reese, IG-86, Gina, Todd, Dipper, Mabel, and Urkel Pull Him Back.
 
 FOUR SPEEDERS pull up to the GROUP. Capt. Panaka and a DOZEN 
 OR SO GUARDS and PILOT pile out and join the group.
 
 CAPT. PANAKA
 Almost everyone's in camps. A few 
 hundred police and guards have formed 
 an underground movement. I brought 
 as many of the keaders as I could. 
 The Federation Army's also much larger 
 than we thought, and much stronger. 
 Your Highness, this is a battle I do 
 not think we can win.
 
 PADME
 The battle is a diversion. The Gungans 
 must draw the Droid Army away from 
 the cities. We can enter the city 
 using the secret passages on the 
 waterfall side. Once we get to the 
 main entrance, Capt. Panaka will 
 create a diversion, so that we can 
 enter the palace and capture the 
 Viceroy.
 Without the Viceroy, they will be 
 lost and confused.
 
 IG-80: What like the TV Series?
 
 Padme: No. Not like the 2005 TV Series.
 
 IG-80: Dammit. I knew Matthew Fox didn't survive in the Series Finale!
 
 QUI-GON and OBI-WAN look on with interest.
 
 PADME
 What do you think, Master Jedi?
 
 QUI-GON
 The Viceroy will be well guarded.
 
 CAPT. PANAKA
 The difficulty's getting into the 
 throne room. Once we're inside, we 
 shouldn't have a problem.
 
 Alan: Oh it's Ok. Leslie Chow won't even know our plans.
 
 Phil: Oh please god don't tell me he's in this planet.
 
 Alan: I don't know if he is or not.
 
 IG-88: Probably Isn't.
 QUI-GON
 There is a possibility with this 
 diversion many Gungans will be killed.
 
 BOSS NASS
 Wesa ready to do are-sa part.
 
 JAR JAR smiles a very worried and sheepish grin. ANAKIN 
 watches with interest, as does ARTOO.
 
 Buzz: So what's the plan Padme?
 
 PADME
 We will send what 
 pilots we have to knock out the Droid 
 control ship which is orbiting the 
 planet. If we can get past their 
 rayshields, we can sever communication 
 and their droids will be helpless.
 
 Buzz: Perfect. Star Command will be proud.
 
 QUI-GON
 However, 
 there's great risk. The weapons on 
 your fighters may not penetrate the 
 shields on the control ship.
 
 IG-88: Well, there goes plan B.
 
 OBI-WAN
 And there's an even bigger danger. 
 If the Vicroy escapes, Your Highness, 
 he will return with another droid 
 army.
 
 IG-80: ANd Plan C.
 
 Reese: Though Plan A did work.
 
 IG-88: Yeah. And that was spreading criticsm over Jar Jar Binks.
 
 Meg: Indeed. And My Love over Reese.
 Reese: Uh..Yeah. Right.
 
 PADME
 That is why we must not fail to get 
 to the Viceroy. Everything depends 
 on it.
 
 INT. THEED - PALACE - THRONE ROOM - DAY
 
 NUTE, RUNE, DARTH MAUL, OOM-9, and a hologram of DARTH SIDIOUS, UNDERTAKER, AND STEPHANIE MCMAHON 
 walk through the throne room.
 
 STEPHANIE
 ...she is more foolish than I thought. 
 
 NUTE
 We are sending all available troops 
 to meet this army of hers assembling 
 near the swamp. It appears to be 
 made up of primitives. We do not 
 expect much resistance.
 
 AVGN: Nor do we expect a surprise attack by the squad.
 
 Spoony: OK, why interrupt OOM!? Ugh. Make It Quick.
 
 OOM-9
 I am increasing security at all Naboo 
 detention camps.
 
 Spoony: Perfect! That'll keep IG-88 from entering!
 
 DARTH MAUL
 I feel there is more to this, My 
 Master. The two Jedi may be using 
 the Queen for their own purposes.
 
 UNDERTAKER
 The Jedi cannot become involved. 
 They can only protect the Queen. 
 Even Qui-Gon Jinn will not break 
 that conenant.... This will work to 
 our advantage...
 
 NUTE
 I have your approval to proceed then, 
 My Lord.
 
 DARTH SIDIOUS
 Proceed. Wipe them put...all of them. 
 
 AVGN: As you wish my lord.
 
 INT. NABOO SWAMP LAKE - DAY (FX)
 
 All is peaceful. SMALL CRITTERS drink out of a large swamp 
 lake. Suddenly there is a disturbance in the middle of the 
 lake. A rush of bubbles, then a GUNGAN SOLDIER riding a KAADU 
 emerges from the water, followed by SEVERAL OTHERS. FROGS 
 and OTHER LITTLE ANIMALS flee in all directions as the GUNGAN 
 ARMY marches through the swamp. The KAADU shake themselves 
 off as they exit the lake. When JAR JAR's KAADU shakes off, 
 JAR JAR falls off.
 
 SOLDIERS on huge, lizard-like FAMBAAS with large shield 
 generators mounted on their backs follow the marching 
 WARRIORS. The GUNGAN ARMY heads out of the swamp and onto 
 the rolling grassy hills.
 
 HUNDREDS OF GUNGAN WARRIORS march in lon lines toward the 
 horizon.
 
 Federation tanks move up to a ridge and stop. In the distance 
 they see the GUNGAN ARMY marching toward them. The GUNGAN 
 GENERAL CEEL sees the tanks on the ridge and orders a halt. 
 The GUNGANS are spread out in a large line.
 
 JAR JAR is nervous. GENERAL CEEL signals to the shield 
 operators.
 
 GENERAL CEEL
 Energize the shields.
 
 A red ray shoots out of the generator and blasts into a large 
 dish on the back of a second FAAMBA and spreads like an 
 umbrella over the assembled WARRIORS.
 
 EXT. THEED - CENTRAL PLAZA - DAY
 
 PADME, followed by EIRTAE, OBI-WAN, QUI-GON, ANAKIN, and 
 ARTOO, stealthily makes her way toward the entrance to the 
 main hanger. They are followed by about TWENTY NABOO GUARDS, 
 PILOTS, and TROOPS. They stop, and PADME uses a small red 
 laser light to signal across the plaza to Capt. Panaka, RABE 
 and TWENTY OTHER ASSORTED NABOO TROOPS. They signal back. 
 QUI-GON leans over to ANAKIN.
 
 QUI-GON
 Once we get inside, Annie, you find 
 a safe placeto hide and stay there. 
 
 ANAKIN
 Sure.
 
 QUI-GON
 And stay there!
 
 Dipper: Hopefully your plan works this time Phil.
 
 Phil: Oh don't worry Dipper. It will. I'd wanted to do this my whole life.
 
 DROID TROOPS mill about the tank-filled plaza. At the far 
 end of the plaza, SEVERAL DROIDS begin to run and fire. NABOO 
 SOLDIERS begin to fire back at the BATTLE DROIDS.
 
 Angry Joe: WHat the!? DROIDS ATTACK!
 
 IG-80: START THE ENGINE NOW!
 
 The SUV Runs over several Battle droids
 
 As the ruckus erupts at one end of the plaza, PADME and her 
 TROOPS rush into the main hanger. Capt. Panaka and HIS 
 SOLDIERS continue to engage the DROIDS outside.
 
 INT. THEED - CENTRAL HANGER - DAY
 
 ALARMS ARE SOUNDING a PADME, the JEDI, ANAKIN, EIRTAE, and 
 PADME's TROOPS rush into the hanger. BATTLE DROIDS begin 
 firing at them as they run for cover. ANAKIN runs under a 
 Naboo fighter. The JEDI deflect bolts aimed at PADME back 
 onto the BATTLE DROIDS, causing them to EXPLODE.
 
 IG-80: Take this Battle Droid!
 
 (IG-80 shoots a laser, but accidentally hits another person)
 
 IG-80: Oops. Wrong guy.
 
 INT. THEED - PALACE THRONE ROOM - DAY
 
 NUTE, RUNE, and FOUR COUNCIL MEMBERS watch the plaza battle 
 on a large view screen.
 
 NUTE
 I thought the battle was going to 
 take place far from here...this is 
 too close!
 
 RUNE
 What is going on?
 
 Nostalgia Critic: I Got no F***ing Idea!
 
 Bully Ray: HEY! MAUL! WHY DO WE FEEL THAT WE'RE TOO CLOSE TO THE ACTION!?
 
 (Shows clip of Alex Clare's Awful Too Close)
 
 Bully Ray: NO! DON'T SHOW THAT CLIP! PUNKS!
 
 DARTH MAUL enters the throne room.
 
 DARTH MAUL
 I told you there was more to this... 
 the Jedi are involved.
 
 AVGN: Perfect! We'll join you guys in confrontation.
 
 EXT. NABOO GRASS PLAINS - DAY (FX)
 
 The Federation tanks begin to fire on the GUNGANS, but they 
 are protected by their energy shield. The tanks stop firing, 
 and the GUNGANS CHEER, until they see the doors to the massive 
 transports open, and racks of BATTLE DROIDS are pulled out 
 and lined up by a squad of STAPS.
 
 The BATTLE DROIDS reconfigure into their standing position. 
 The GUNGANS get ready for an attack. OOM-9 gives the command 
 to move forward, and THOUSANDS OF DROIDS march toward the 
 GUNGANS.
 
 The GUNGANS power up their weapons. The DROIDS slowly march 
 through the protective shield and start firing. The GUNGANS 
 throw their power poles and fling small balls of energy with 
 slingshots. The WARRIORS dump large balls of energy into 
 mortars that heat up and fire the energy goo onto the BATTLE 
 DROIDS, causing them to short out.
 
 The battle rages and the GUNGANS defend their shield 
 generators against the ARMY OF DROIDS. OOM-9 watches from a 
 tank on a hill overlooking the battle.
 
 INT. THEED - CENTRAL HANGER - DAY
 
 ANAKIN hides behind one of the Naboo fighters, ducking as 
 large bolts whiz past and EXPLODE near him. PADME and the 
 TWO JEDI destroy BATTLE DROIDS right and left. The QUEEN'S 
 TROOPS and EIRTAE also blast away at the DROIDS. PADME signals 
 to her pilots.
 
 PADME
 Get to your ships!
 
 Urkel: Phil GO FASTER!
 
 Phil: I'm not sure if I can Urkel. 
 
 IG-88: Whoa! WHoa! We're about to fall through the hangar!
 
 Alan: OH NO!
 
 (The Car falls through the hangar)
 
 IG-88: AAAAAAAAAAAA!
 
 (However, the car suddenly bounces on a trampoline and back into the hangar.)
 
 Yoshi: What just happened!?
 IG-88: Geico's giving us 15 minutes to save 50% or more of our lives. That's What Happened. And Our Car Insurance of course.
 
 The PILOTS and ARTOO UNITS run for the Naboo fighter craft 
 stacked in the hanger bay. ONE OF THE PILOTS jumps into a 
 fighter right above where ANAKIN is hiding.
 
 FIGHTER PILOT
 Better find a new hiding place, kid. 
 I'm taking this ship.
 
 The ship begins to levitate out of the hanger. BATTLE DROIDS 
 fire at it as it falls in behind five other fighters. ARTOO 
 whistles to ANAKIN from a second fighter not far away. ANAKIN 
 runs and jumps into the second fighter to hide.
 
 EXT. THEED - CENTRAL PLAZA - DAY (FX)
 
 Two Naboo starfighters exit the main hanger. A tank fires at 
 them, hitting one of them, which causes it to pinwheel into 
 the ground and EXPLODE.
 
 INT. THEED - CENTRAL HANGER - DAY
 
 Capt. Panaka, SABE and NABOO TROOPS rush into the hanger and 
 overwlm the few remaining BATTLE DROIDS. PADME, OBI-WAN, and 
 QUI-GON join forces with Capt. Panaka.
 
 IG-88: Well, that's all of them.
 
 IG-80 (After killing a battle droid): That's Shaun of the Dead b**ch!
 
 PADME
 My guess is the Viceroy is in the 
 throne room.
 
 She looks to QUI-GON.
 
 QUI-GON
 I agree.
 
 They start to head for the exit, on the way passing the 
 fighter where ANAKIN is hiding. ARTOO whistles a greeting as 
 ANAKIN peeps out of the cockpit.
 
 ANAKIN
 Hey! Wait for me. 
 
 QUI-GON
 Anakin Stay where you are! You'll be safe there.
 
 ANAKIN
 But, I...
 
 QUI-GON
 Stay in that cockpit.
 
 IG-88: First Battle Droids, What's Next!? The Critic And His Army Confronting Us!?
 
 They head for the exit. As they are about to go through the 
 door, suddenly everyone scatters, revealing DARTH MAUL 
 standing in the doorway. Capt. Panaka, PADME, and HER TROOPS 
 back away. QUI-GON and OBI-WAN step forward.
 
 AVGN: Hello droid.
 
 IG-88: Uh oh NERD!
 
 Jinx: LOng time no see Robin.
 
 RObin: Jinx.
 
 QUI-GON
 We'll handle this...
 
 Padme: We'll take the long way.
 
 The TWO JEDI take off their capes and ignite their laser 
 swords. DARTH MAUL takes off his cape, and ignites his laser 
 sword. Both ends of the sword light up.
 
 ANgry Joe: It seems like your two friends knew all about the invasion huh?
 
 IG-88: Uh Yeah We Did. Hello?
 
 Todd In The Shadows: Uh Yeah We Are Listening! 
 IG-88: Yeah Well- Wait Is the Screenplay making any sense at all!?
 Todd In The Shadows: Uh...NO.
 IG-88: I'm Punishing Lucas by the end of this film I Swear To God.
 Nostalgia Critic: Yeah. Well, We got some more company in our hands.
 
 At the far end of the hanger, SIX WHEEL DROIDS roll in and 
 transform into their battle position. 
 
 IG-88: Uh oh.
 
 ARTOO calls ANAKIN's
 attention to the DROIDS. The JEDI begin to fight the Sith 
 Lord.
 
 ANAKIN
 Oh, no...
 
 The DROIDS begin to advance and start firing on PADME and 
 HER TROOPS.
 
 ANAKIN
 We gotta do something, Artoo.
 
IG-88: Yeah Do Something besides terrible acting Lloyd.
 ARTOO whistles a reply. Suddenly, the ship's systems go on, 
 and the ship begins to levitate.
 
 ANAKIN
 All right, thanks Artoo! Great idea! 
 I'll take over. Let's see...
 
 ANAKIN steers the ship toward the DROIDS. He pushes a button, 
 and the ship begins to shake.
 
 ANAKIN
 Where's the trigger? Oops, wrong 
 one.. Maybe this one....
 
 IG-88: Oops!? Is That The Best You Can Come Up With!? Hurry Up Lloyd! Kill Them Already!
 Anakin: I'm Trying 88! Wait, Here It Is.
 ANAKIN pushes a second button, and the lasers begin to fire, 
 wiping out several DESTROYER DROIDS. ARTOO whistles a cheer.
 
 ANAKIN
 Yeah, all right. "Droid blaster." 
 Yeah!
 
 Spoony: WHAAT!?
 
 IG-88: Yeah. Blah Blah The plan didn't work. ATTACK!
 
 The JEDI are engaged in a fierce sword fight with DARTH MAUL. 
 They have moved into the center of the hanger. 
 
 ANgry Joe: Can't stop me 80! Ya Can't stop me!
 
 IG-80: Oh yeah? Well this sword? Actual Prop from the Kill Bill Movies!
 
 Angry Joe: WHAT!?
 
 IG-80: YEAH! (Continues fighting Joe.)
 
 While the 
 WHEEL DROIDS are momentarily distracted by ANAKIN, Capt. 
 Panaka, PADME, and HER TROOPS exit into a palace hallway.
 
 The WHEEL DROIDS start firing at ANAKIN. There are EXPLOSIONS 
 all around him.
 
 ANAKIN
 Oops...shield up! Always on the 
 right...shields always on the right.
 
 ANAKIN flips several switches, and the after-burner ignites.
 
 ANAKIN
 I know we're moving. I'll shut the 
 energy drive down.
 
 The fighter rockets out of the hanger. ARTOO and ANAKIN hold 
 on for dear life.
 
 ANAKIN
 Oops!! Wrong one.
 
 ARTOO beeps.
 
 ANAKIN
 I'm not doing anything!
 
 ARTOO beeps.
 
 ANAKIN
 I know...I didn't push anything.
 
 The SITH LORD's moves are incredible. He is fighting the TWO 
 JEDI at once, flipping into the air, outmaneuvering them at 
 every turn.
 
 Stu: HELP! WHAT IS GOING ON!?
 
 Numbuh 4: You're Not Helping!?
 
 Stu: I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO USE!!!
 
 Numbuh 4: *sigh* HERE! (Throws a gun to Stu.) Actual prop from Bad Boys.
 
 INT. NABOO STARFIGHTER - COCKPIT - SPACE
 
 The Naboo fleet leaves the planet and heads toward the space 
 station.
 
 RIC OLIE
 Bravo Flight A, take on the fighters. 
 Flight B, make the run on the 
 transmitter. 
 
 BRAVO TWO
 Roger, Bravo Leader.
 
 The fleet approaches the space station. Many Federation 
 fighters exit the hangers and attack.
 
 RIC OLIE
 Enemy fighters straight ahead!
 
 EXT. NABOO GRASS PALINS - DAY
 
 JAR JAR's clumsiness works for him in the battle. He gets 
 caught up in the wiring of a blasted DROID, dragging the 
 torso around with him, the DROID's gun firing randomly, 
 accidently blasting SEVERAL DROIDS in one process.
 
 OOM-9 decides to send in the WHEEL DROIDS and gives the 
 signal. HUNDREDS OF WHEEL DROIDS roll out of the transports 
 and head down toward the battle.
 
 They slowly roll through the deflector shields, then transform 
 themselves once they get on the other side. The GUNGANS blast 
 the WHEEL DROIDS with energy balls. The DESTROYER DROIDS 
 blast many GUNGANS.
 
 INT. NABOO STARFIGHTER - COCKPIT - SPACE
 
 A giant dogfight ensues. ANAKIN's fighter flies into space 
 above Naboo.
 
 ARTOO beeps a worried concern.
 
 ANAKIN
 The Autopilot is searching for what 
 other ships?
 
 ARTOO beeps and whistles.
 
 ANAKIN
 There is no manual override, Artoo. 
 You'll have to rewire it or something.
 
 ARTOO chirps that he's trying.
 
 ANAKIN
 Look! There they are! That's where 
 the autopilot is taking us.
 
 ANAKIN's fighter flies toward the Federation Battleship.
 
 INT. THEED - CENTRAL HANGER - DAY
 
 The SITH LORD drives the JEDI out of the hanger and nto the 
 power generator area next door.
 
 Nostalgia Critic: QUICK! TO THE POWER GENERATOR!
 
 INT. THEED - POWER GENERATOR PIT - DAY
 
 Three swords are crossed in an intense display of 
 swordmanship. The JEDI and the SITH LORD fight their way 
 across the narrow bridge of the Theed power generator. DARTH 
 MAUL jumps onto the bridge above them. The JEDI follow, one 
 in front of the SITH LORD and one behind. They continue their 
 sword fight.
 
 IG-88: Jump Down!
 
 INT. THEED - PALACE - HALLWAY - DAY
 
 PADME, Capt. Panaka, EIRTAE, SABE and THIER TROOPS are trapped 
 in a hallway by BATTLE DROIDS.
 
 PADME
 We don't have time for this, Captain. 
 
 CAPT. PANAKA
 Let's try the outside stairway.
 
 IG-86: He's right. Everyone, follow Panaka.
 
 Capt. Panaka blasts a hole in the window, and they make their 
 way outside the building onto a ledge about six stories above 
 a raging waterfall. SABE, EIRTAE and about TWENTY NABOO 
 SOLDIERS stay in the hallway to hold off the BATTLE DROIDS.
 
 EXT. THEED - PALACE - OVER WATERFALL - DAY
 
 PADME, Capt. Panaka, and about TEN OTHER NABOO SOLDIERS are 
 lined up along the edge. They have pulled small attachments 
 out of their pistols and fire at a ledge about four stories 
 above them. Thin cables shoot out of the pistols and are 
 embedded into the ledge. PADME, Capt. Panaka, and the OTHERS 
 begin to climb up the wall.
 
 EXT. NABOO GRASS PLAINS DAY
 
 The GUNGAN ARMY is no match for the DESTROYER DROIDS. JAR 
 JAR tries to run from the BATTLE DROIDS.
 
 GENERAL CEEL
 Retreat! Retreat!
 
 The GUNGANS begin to turn and run, on foot, on their kaadu, 
 and in wagons.
 
 JAR JAR attempts to escape on a wagon of energy balls but 
 only manages to unhitch the back gate, causing all of the 
 energy balls to roll out of the wagon and down the hill. JAR 
 JAR scrambles to avoid being hit by one of the balls. FOUR 
 DESTROYER DROIDS aren't so lucky. They get blasted by the 
 energy balls.
 
 The GUNGANS renew their attack on the DROID ARMY. JAR JAR's 
 bumbling destroys several more DESTROYER DROIDS.
 
 INT. NABOO STARFIGHTER - COCKPIT -SPACE
 
 ANAKIN finds himself in the middle of the space battle. A 
 ship explodes behind him (over his left shoulder).
 
 ANAKIN
 Whoo, boy! (Slow Motion) This is tense!
 IG-88: And That Is considered the worst Star Wars Trilogy Line Of All Time.
 
 He looks forward to see enemy ships approaching head on.
 
 ANAKIN
 Oops! Artoo, get us off Autopilot!
 
 ARTOO screams a reply.
 
 ANAKIN
 I've got control?
 
 ANAKIN fips switches.
 
 ANAKIN
 Okay, let's go left!
 
 He moves the controls left and the ship responds, turning 
 left.
 
 ANAKIN
 Yes...I've got control. You did it, 
 Artoo!
 
 ARTOO beeps
 
 ANAKIN
 Go back!?! Qui-Gon told me to stay 
 in this cockpit and that's what I'm 
 gonna do. Now c'mon!
 
 An enemy fighter comes into his sights. ANAKIN pushes the 
 controls and instead of firing, his fighter accelerates past 
 the enemy ship.
 
 Jack Spicer: I got you NOW Kid!
 
 ANAKIN
 Oops! Whoa!
 Jack Spicer: Wha- OOPS!? WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?
 
 Now the enemy ship is on his tail. He tries evasive 
 maneauvers.
 
 ANAKIN
 I'll try spinning, that's a good 
 trick.
 
 ANAKIN rolls the ship as ARTOO screams desperately.
 
 ANAKIN
 I know we're in trouble! Hang on! 
 The way out of this mess is the way 
 we got into it.
 
 ARTOO beeps a reply.
 
 ANAKIN
 Which one? This one?
 
 ANAKIN yanks on the reverse thrusters and the ship slows 
 instantly- the enemy fighter shoots past and explodes against 
 the space station.
 
 Jack Spicer (On Parachute): I Hate Getting ambushed!
 
 INT. NABOO STARFIGHTER - COCKPIT - SPACE
 
 The SQUADRON attacks the space station.
 
 RIC OLIE
 Bravo flight...go for the central 
 bridge. 
 
 BRAVO TWO
 Roger, Bravo Leader.
 
 The attack is fruitless.
 
 RIC OLIE
 Their deflector shield is too strong. 
 We'll never get through it.
 
 Meanwhile, ANAKIN is being chased by another fighter. ARTOO 
 shrieks.
 
 Oancitizen: Time to play the real game, kid.
 
 ANAKIN
 I know, Artoo! This isn't Podracing!
 
 The enemy ship fires and hits ANAKIN's fighter, sending it 
 into a spin.
 
 Oancitizen: GOTCHA!
 
 ARTOO screams.
 
 ANAKIN
 We're hit!
 
 ANAKIN regains control as his ship enters the space station 
 hanger.
 
 ANAKIN
 Great gobs of bantha poo-doo!
 
 Todd: CUT!
 Todd (Strucken By Poo-Doo): Poo-Doo!? POO-DOO!? WHAT!? IS THAT THE BEST THEY CAN COME UP WITH!?
 IG-86: Uh...Yeah. I don't get it either.
 Todd: I MEAN SERIOUSLY! THIS IS THE WORST LINE I HAVE EVER HEARD IN A MOVIE! EVER! WORSE THAN THE (Slow Motion THIS IS TENSE) LINE! God, I need a Bud Lite. Hey Where's My Bud Lite Bear. HEY! Bud Lite Bear.
 IG-86: You Have A Bud Lite Bear?
 Todd: Yeah.
 (The Bud Lite Bear, which is TeenTitansFan201's actual stuffed bear, Bear Bear, comes out and throws a Bud Lite at Todd, for in which he catches.)
 Todd: Ugh. Carry On.
 (Drinks The Bud Lite.)
 ANAKIN's ship dodges parked transport ships and other 
 obstacles. A huge bulkhead blocks his way. ARTOO beeps.
 
 ANAKIN
 I'm trying to stop! I'm trying to 
 stop! Whoa!
 
 ANAKIN hits the reverse thrusters and the ship skids to a 
 stop on the hanger deck. ARTOO givesout a worried whistle.
 
 ANAKIN
 All right! All right! Get the system 
 started!
 
 ANAKIN ducks down to adjust a control panel.
 
 ANAKIN
 Everything's overheated. All the 
 lights are red.
 
 ARTOO sees DROIDS appraoching, and beeps frantically.
 
 Chester A Bum: THERE HE IS! I WANT JAKE LLOYD DONE FOR!
 
 Anakin: Oops. This is not good.
 
 INT. THEED - POWER GENERATOR PIT - DAY
 
 The laser sword battle continues on the small catwalk around 
 the vast power pit. DARTH MAUL kicks OBI-WAN off one of the 
 ramps and he falls several levels. 
 
 IG-88: Oh god. How many times do I have to say it. JUMP DOWN!
 
 QUI-GON knocks the DARK 
 LORD off another ramp, and he lands hard on a ramp two levels 
 below. QUI-GON jumps down after him. The DARK LORD backs 
 away along the catwalk into a small door. QUI-GON follows as 
 OBI-WAN runs to catch up.
 
 Angry Joe: Come and get some 88!
 
 IG-88: AFTER HIIIIIIM!
 
 INT. THEED - POWER GENERATOR ELECRIC BEAM - HALLWAY
 
 The SITH LORD, followed by QUI-GON, enters a long hallway 
 filled with a series of deadly rays that go on and off in a 
 pulsing pattern that shoots down the corridor every minute 
 or so. 
 
 Ace D Copular: Thinkin what I'm thinking Babe?
 
 Jinx: Indeed. (Uses her powers to close the deadly rays.)
 
 QUI-GON is one wall away from the DARK 
 LORD. OBI-WAN is just starting into it and is five walls way 
 from DARTH MAUL.
 
 IG-88 (Behind a wall away from Qui Gon): DAMMIT! WE WERE THIS CLOSE!
 
 AVGN: Hey don't look at us it was Jinx who did it.
 
 Jinx: Thank me later, droidy.
 
 IG-88: Hey! I'm not Honey Boo Boo for crying out loud!
 
 Linkara: Haha. Honey boo boo joke. OW.
 The JEDI must wait until the next pulse to advance down the 
 corridor.
 
 OBI-WAN is impatient and paces, waiting for the wall of rays 
 to open.
 
 QUI-GON sits and meditates. The SITH LORD tries to patch up 
 his wounds.
 
 Angry Joe: While this meditating is going on, let me read something that most Star Wars Fans seem to enjoy.
 
 IG-80: What is it? Episode VII!?
 
 Angry Joe: THE HISTORY OF LINDSAY LOHAN DRUG ISSUES!
 
 IG-88: Oh no.
 
 Reese: You gotta be kidding me.
 
 INT. THEED - PALACE - HALLWAY TO THRONE ROOM
 
 A window in the hallway blasts apart. PADME, Capt. Panaka, 
 and HER SOLDIERS climb into the hallway. They head for the 
 door to the throne roo.
 
 Suddenly, two DESTROYER DROIDS skitter in front of the door. 
 PADME turns around and sees TWO MORE appear at the far end 
 of the hallway, trapping them in the middle.
 
 Todd in the Shadows: I got you now POrtman.
 
 PADME throws down her pistol and turns to Capt. Panaka.
 
 PADME
 Throw down your weapons. They win 
 this round.
 
 CAPT. PANAKA
 But we can't....
 
 IG-86: Follow her commands Captain.
 
 Capt. Panaka and HIS MEN throw down their weapons.
 
 EXT. NABOO GRASS PLAINS - DAY
 
 A DESTROYER DROID blasts one of the shield generators, causing 
 it to EXPLODE. The protective shield begins to weaken and 
 fall apart.OOM-9 sees the shield weaken and orders his tanks 
 forward. The GUNGAN GENERAL signals a retreat as the tanks 
 enter the battle.
 
 The GUNGANS flee as fast as they can. JAR JAR is blown off 
 his KAADU and lands on one of the tank guns. A GUNGAN WARRIOR 
 signals JAR JAR to jump off. JAR JAR is afraid. The gun swings 
 around trying to knock JAR JAR off.
 
 JAR JAR hangs from the tank barrel as it moves along. Finally, 
 he jumps onto a KAADU behind a GUNGAN WARRIOR. EXPLOSIONS 
 from the tank fire are everywhere. It is chaos.
 
 INT. THEED - POWER GENERATOR ELECTRIC BEAM - HALLWAY
 
 Angry Joe: May 26 2007, LOhan was arrested for DUI.
 
 IG-80: Oh please. This is going way out of hand.
 
 AVGN: BE QUIET DROID!
 
 Angry Joe: Lohan failed to take a drug test, and was found using cocaine at this time. She was charged with both DUI and Cocaine possession.
 
 Raven: This is totally not right. 
 
 Angry Joe: August 23: Lohan was found guilty for her actions and was placed 10 days in PRISON!
 
 IG-88: This is like mindless torture here and I can't seem to listen to this anymore!
 
 The electric rays cycle as QUI-GON sits meditating. The wall 
 of the deadly rays turn away, and OBI-WAN starts running 
 toward QUI-GON and the DARK LORD. When the wall between QUI-
 GON and DARTH MAUL opens, QUI-GON is in a split second 
 fighting the DARK LORD with a ferocity not seen before. 
 
 Angry Joe: Uh oh. BAttle time!
 
 IG-80: Thank the Lord!
 
 They 
 move into the area at the end of the corridor called the 
 melting pit, a small area that is mostly made up of a deep 
 hole.
 
 The electron ray gates begin to close. OBI-WAN tries to make 
 it to the melting pit but is caught one gate short. He slides 
 to a stop just before he hits the deadly electron field.
 
 QUI-GON and DARTH MAUL battle around the melting pit as a 
 frustrated OBI-WAN watches.
 
 DARTH MAUL cathces QUI-GON off guard. The SITH makes a quick 
 move, bashes his lightsaber handle into QUI-GON's chin, and 
 runs him through. QUI-GON slumps to the floor in a heap.
 
 IG-88: WHOA!
 
 Obi Won: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
 
 Sora: Qui GON!
 
 Nostalgia Critic: Wow. Pretty impressive there Maul. Now as for you guys.
 
 IG-88: Oh hell no.
 
 EXT. NABOO GRASS PLAINS - DAY
 
 The GUNGANS have beeb overrun. Some flee into the hills, 
 chased by BATTLE DROIDS on STAPS. Many OTHERS are herded 
 into groups by BATTLE DROIDS and DESTROYER DROIDS.
 
 JAR JAR and GENERAL CEEL are held in a small group with OTHER 
 OFFICERS.
 
 JAR JAR
 Dissa bad, berry bombad.
 
 GENERAL CEEL
 Mesa hopen dissa working for da Queen.
 
 INT. THED - PALACE THRONE ROOM - DAY
 
 PADME, Capt. Panaka, and SIX OTHER OFFICERS are brought by 
 TEN BATTLE DROIDS before NUTE and RUNE and FOUR NEIMOIDIAN 
 COUNCIL MEMBERS.
 
 NUTE
 Your little insurrection is at an 
 end, Your Highness. Time for you to 
 sign the treaty... and end this 
 pointless debate in the Senate.
 
 IG-86: I don't think so Nute.
 
 SADBE dressed like the Queen appears in the doorway with 
 SEVERAL TROOPS.
 
 Several destroyed battle droids can be seen in the distance.
 
 SABE
 I will not be signing any treaty, 
 Viceroy, because you've lost!
 
 NUTE and THE OTHERS are stunned to see a SECOND QUEEN. NUTE 
 yells at the TEN GUARDS in the room.
 
 Phelous: Wait, she's the queen? And she's another one? WHAT IS GOING ON!?
 
 NUTE
 After her! This one is a decoy!
 
 SIX OF THE DROIDS rush out of the throne room after SABE. 
 NUTE turns to PADME.
 
 NUTE
 Your Queen will not get away with 
 this.
 
 IG-86: NOW!
 
 PADME slumps down on her throne and immediately hits a 
 security button that opens a panel in her desk opposite Capt. 
 Panaka. PADME grabs two pistols, tosses one of the to Capt. 
 Panaka and one to an OFFICER. She takes a third pistol and 
 BLASTS the last of the BATTLE DROIDS.
 
 The OFFICERS rush to the door control panel as PADME hits 
 the switch to close the door. The OFFICER at the door jams 
 the controls. Capt. Panaka throws more pistols to the OTHER 
 GUARDS. The NEIMODIANS are confused and afraid.
 
 PADME
 Now, Viceroy, this is the end of 
 your occupation here.
 
 NUTE
 Don't be absurd. There are too few 
 of you. It won't be long before 
 hundreds of destroyer droids break 
 in to rescue us.
 
 Gina: We'll see about that.
 
 INT. THEED - POWER GENERATOR - MELTING PIT
 
 Angry Joe: In 2009, the drug prohibition got even worse!
 
 Meg: Oh please. I never even heard of Lindsay Lohan before.
 
 Angry Joe: Wait it was 2011. Never mind. But in the first month, she was charged with THEFT.
 
 IG-80: Oh come on.
 
 IG-88: Can't stand to listen to this anymore.
 
 OBI-WAN screams as the pulsing electron gate opens, and the 
 SITH LORD attacks him. The DARK LORD is relentless in his 
 assault on the young JEDI.
 
 IG-88: NOW!
 OBI-WAN and DARTH MAUL use the Force to fling objects at 
 each other as they fight. DARTH MAUL seems to have the upper 
 hand as OBI-WAN grows weary.
 
 AVGN: There is no way you can stop us now droid.
 
 IG-88: Oh yeah. Well Eric Bischoff called you the other night and said that you are forced to join Immortal.
 
 AVGN: No. He called YOU!
 
 IG-88: WHAT!? I'm Not Even Part Of That Stable!
 DARTH MAUL catches OBI-WAN off guard, and the JEDI slips 
 into a melting pit. He is barely able to hold onto a nozzle 
 on the side of the pit. DARTH MAUL grin evilly at OBI-WAN as 
 he kicks OBI-WAN's lightsaber down the endless shaft.
 
 Ace D Copular: Whatcha gonna do now 88? WHATCHA GONNA DO?
 
 Figure: Get Down!
 IG-88: Wait What?
 A Huge Blast comes from out of nowhere and hits Darth Maul, killing him and pushing him into the pit.
 IG-88: What...
 The Figure, revealed as Chiro from SRMTHFG!, Comes out from the smoke.
 Chiro: Game Over For The Empire.
 IG-88: Quick Entrance There.
 Nostalgia Critic: Hahahaha. Uh...RUN!
 The Villains run away into Cleebo.
 Chiro: And The Name's Chiro Critic!
 
 OBI-WAN rushes over to QUI-GON, who is dying.
 
 OBI-WAN
 Master! Master!
 
 QUI-GON
 It is too late...It's...
 
 OBI-WAN
 No!
 
 QUI-GON
 Obi-Wan promise... promise me you'll 
 train the boy...
 
 OBI-WAN
 Yes, Master...
 
 QUI-GON
 He is the chosen one... he will... 
 bring balance... train him!
 
 IG-80: WHAT!?
 IG-88: Hope Lloyd doesn't Turn into another bad actor!
 QUI-GON dies. OBI-WAN cradles his Master, quietly weeping.
 
 IG-88: Well, guess Taken 3 won't happen.
 
 Cyborg: Yeah.
 
 INT. NABOO STARFIGHTER - COCKPIT - FEDERATION HANGER
 
 ANAKIN peeks over the edge of the cockpit to see BATTLE DROIDS 
 surrounding the ship. He ducks back down.
 
 ANAKIN
 Uh oh. This is not good.
 
 He looks at the dashboard to see red lights.
 
 ANAKIN
 The systems are still overheated, 
 Artoo.
 
 The BATTLE DROID CAPTAIN walks up to the ship and sees ARTOO.
 
 BATTLE DROID CAPTAIN
 Where's your pilot?
 
 ARTOO beeps a reply.
 
 BATTLE DROID CAPTAIN
 You're the pilot?
 
 ARTOO whistles.
 
 BATTLE DROID CAPTAIN
 Let me see your identification!
 
 ANAKIN sees the dashboard lights go from red to green.
 
 ANAKIN
 Yes...we have ignition.
 
 He flips the switch and the engine starts.
 
 BATTLE DROID CAPTAIN
 (seeing Anakin)
 You! Come out of there or we'll blast 
 you!
 
 ANAKIN
 Not if I can help it! Shields up!
 
 ANAKIN flips a switch and the ship levitates, knocking over 
 the BATTLE DROID CAPTAIN. The OTHER DROIDS shoot, but the 
 lasers are deflected by ANAKIN's shields. ARTOO beeeps.
 
 ANAKIN
 his should stop them.
 
 ANAKIN fires lasers as the ship begins to rotate.
 
 ANAKIN
 ...and take this!
 
 He presses a button and launches two torpedos which miss the 
 DROIDS.
 
 ANAKIN
 Darn...I missed!
 
 The two torpedos fly down a hallway and explode inside the 
 reactor room.
 
 ANAKIN
 Let's get out of here!
 
 ANAKIN's ship roars through the hanger deck, bouncing over 
 the DROIDS.
 
 ANAKIN
 Now, this is Podracing! Whoopee!
 
 INT. FEDERATION BATTLESHIP - BRIDGE
 
 TEY HOW turns to CAPTAIN DOFINE.
 
 TEY HOW
 Sir, we're losing power... There is 
 some problem with the main reactor...
 
 DOFINE
 Impossible!! I don't...
 
 The bridge explodes.
 
 INT. NABOO FIGHTER - COCKPIT - SPACE
 
 RIC OLIE watches in amazement as the Federation battleship 
 starts to explode from the inside out.
 
 BRAVO TWO
 What's that?? It's blowing up from 
 the inside.
 
 RIC OLIE
 I don't know, we didn't hit it.
 
 BRAVO THREE
 Look! One of ours! Outta the main 
 hold!!
 
 EXT. NABOO GRASS PLAINS - DAY
 
 Suddenly, all of the DROIDS begin to shake upside down, run 
 around in circles, then stop. The GUNGANS carefully move out 
 to inspect the FROZEN DROIDS. JAR JAR pushes one of the BATTLE 
 DROIDS, and it falls over.
 
 JAR JAR
 Wierdind...
 
 EXT. THEED - CENTRAL HANGER - DAY
 
 ANAKIN and ARTOO follow the squad of yellow Naboo starfighters 
 into the main hanger.
 
 INT. THEED - CENTRAL HANGER - DAY
 
 RIC OLIE and the OTHER PILOTS gather around as they exit 
 their ships.
 
 BRAVO TWO
 He flew into the hold, behind the 
 deflector shield and blasted the 
 main reactor... 
 
 BRAVO THREE
 Amazing... They don't teach that in 
 the academy.
 
 ANAKIN's ship skids to a stop behind the other Naboo 
 starfighters. RIC OLIE, BRAVO TWO, the OTHER PILOTS, and 
 GROUND CREW rush to his ship.
 
 RIC OLIE
 We're all accounted for. Who flew 
 that ship?
 
 ANAKIN sheepishly opens the cockpit and stands up. All the 
 PILOTS stare in amazement.
 
 ANAKIN
 I'm not going to get into trouble, 
 am I?
 
 ARTOO beeps. oh. oh.
 
 INT. MAIN HANGER - COURTYARD - DAY
 
 The large, grand cruiser of the Supreme Chancellor lands in 
 the courtyard of the main hanger. Capt. Panaka and TWENTY 
 TROOPS guard NUTE GUNRAY and RUNE HAAKO. OBI-WAN, the QUEEN, 
 and her HANDMAIDENS stand before the NEIMOIDIANS.
 
 IG-86: 88 we got him.
 
 IG-88: Good. It's about time he faced the punishment of the Kardashians.
 
 PADME
 Now, Viceroy, you are going to have 
 to go back to the Senate and explain 
 all this.
 
 CAPT. PANAKA
 I think you can kiss your Trade 
 franchise goodbye.
 
 The main ramp of the cruiser is lowered as OBI-WAN and Capt. 
 Panaka lead the VICEROY and HIS ASSISTANT toward the ship. 
 The GRAND CHANCELLOR PALPATINE and SEVERAL REPUBLIC GUARDS 
 descend the walkway, followed by YODA and SEVERAL OTHER JEDI 
 MASTERS.
 
 IG-88: So, Why'd you just kill Maul in a matter of seconds?
 Chiro: It's very simple Droid. I've been hunting down the Empire for a very very long time. Darth Maul May Be Dead and the Trade Federation may be destroyed, but the Empire Still Lives On.
 IG-86: I know. We'll find a way to stop this once and for all.
 
 The CHANCELLOR PALPATINE is greeted by the QUEEN.
 
 AMIDALA
 Congratulations on youer election, 
 Chancellor. It is so good to see you 
 again.
 
 PALPATINE
 It's good to be home. Your boldness 
 has saved our people, Your Majesty. 
 It is you who should be congratulated. 
 Together we shall bring peace and 
 prosperity to the Republic.
 
 OBI-WAN greets YODA and the OTHER JEDI as Capt. Panaka takes 
 the NEIMODIANS onto the cruiser.
 
 IG-88: Hey look there's the green dude from the COuncil.
 
 IG-80: Yeah and Samuel L Jackson.
 
 GIna: Wait really?
 
 Beast Boy: Didn't even know he was in this movie.
 
 IG-80: Til now. Thank Pulp Fiction And Jurassic Park though for the boost up on his career.
 
 
 INT. TURRET ROOM - NABOO PALACE - LATE DAY
 
 The sun streams into the multi-windowed room at a low angle. 
 It is not quite sunset. YODA paces before OBI-WAN, who is 
 kneeling in the center of the room.
 
 YODA
 Confer on you, the level of Jedi 
 Knight the Coucil does. But agree on 
 you taking this boy as your Padawan 
 learner, I do not. 
 
 OBI-WAN
 Qui-Gon believed in him. I believe 
 in Qui-Gon.
 
 YODA
 The Chosen One the boy may be; 
 nevertheless, grave danger I fear in 
 his training.
 
 OBI-WAN
 Master Yoda, Igave Qui-Gon my word. 
 I will train Anakin. Without the 
 approval of the Council if I must.
 
 YODA
 Qui-Gon's defiance I sense in you. 
 Need that, you do not. Agree, the 
 council does. Your apprentice, young 
 Skywalker will be.
 
 EXT. THEED - CENTRAL PLAZA - FUNERAL TEMPLE STEPS - SUNSET
 
 QUI-GON's body goes up in flames as the JEDI COUNCIL, the 
 QUEEN, SIO BIBBLE, Capt. Panaka, the HANDMAIDENS, and ABOUT 
 ONE HUNDRED NABOO TROOPES, TWENTY OTHER JEDI, PALPATINE, OBI-
 WAN (standing with ANAKIN), JAR JAR, BOSS NASS, ARTOO, and TWENTY 
 OTHER GUNGAN WARRIORS watch. There is a drum roll that stops. 
 Doves are released, and the body is gone. ANAKIN looks to 
 OBI-WAN.
 
 IG-86: Yeah. He was a good master. I'll tell you that.
 
 Liam Neeson: Indeed.
 
 
 OBI-WAN
 He is one with the Force, Anakin...You 
 must let go.
 
 ANAKIN
 What will happen to me now?
 
 OBI-WAN
 I am your Master now. You will become 
 a Jedi, I promise.
 
 To one side, MACE WINDU turns to YODA.
 
 MACE WINDU
 There is no doubt. The mysterious 
 warrior was a Sith.
 
 IG-86: Taker.
 
 YODA
 Always two there are... no more... 
 no less. A master and an apprentice.
 
 MACE WINDU
 But which one was destroyed, the 
 master or the apprentice?
 
 IG-88: This isn't the only funeral I went too.
 
 Steve Carell: It wasn't?
 
 IG-88: Nope. I've been to Michael Jackson's. God was he a true legend.
 
 Steve Carell: Yeah.
 IG-88: I also went to Amy Winehouse's. How'd she die? From Drug Nonsense.
 Steve Carell: What?! Wow.
 
 They give each other a concerned look.
 
 EXT. THEED - CENTRAL PLAZA - DAY
 
 CHILDEREN SING and throw flowers on the passing GUNGAN 
 SOLDIERS. The CROWDS CHEER. It is a grand parade.
 
 IG-88: Why couldn't they get Metallica to perform? This music sucks!
 
 Beast Boy: What's With the Children's Choir!? This does sucks!
 
 Raven: I Am so not into this ending.
 
 Rainbow Dash: Me neither. Epic Music would be 20% Cooler Than This. And Besides, I'm gonna be in the 2nd movie, so I'm gonna have a major part in the sequel. Right Todd?
 Todd: Indeed Bro.
 (They Brohoof)
 
 QUEEN AMIDALA stands next to the SUPREME CHANCELLOR PALPATINE, 
 ANAKIN, OBI-WAN, SIO BIBBLE, and the JEDI COUNCIL. ARTOO 
 stands in front of the QUEEN'S HANDMAIDENS and whistles at 
 the parade. QUEEN AMIDALA and PALPATINE smile at one another 
 In the parade are BOSS NASS and his GUARDS, JAR JAR and 
 GENERAL CEEL. The GUNGANS ride KAADU. They stop before the 
 QUEEN and walk up the steps to stand by her side. BOSS NASS 
 holds up the Globe of Peace. EVERYONE CHEERS.
 
 IG-80: (mocking Jar Jar) WAHOO! SHUT UP JAR JAR! JEEZ!
 Jar Jar: WAHOO! WAHOO! WAHOO! WAHOO!
 IG-88: OH YOU MOTHER-
 (88 and 80 Start Brawling Jar Jar Again, which makes the entire cast, parade, crew, celebrities, and WWE Superstars try to break it up but can't.)
 IG-86: Todd, do me a favor and shut the camera off.
 Todd: Why?
 IG-86: Just turn it off. I can't take it anymore. Put it away.
 IG-86 puts his hand over the camera lens, causing a blank screen.
 IRIS OUT:
 
 END TITLES