Rufus

"Yeah, how do you think I feel? No one wants to eat this stuff except you Vessels."
==Overview ==
Not much is known about Rufus besides the fact that he is suffering the unfortunate fate of working for Sid through the restaurant he is tending, despite the fact that he can't (or doesn't want to) eat any of the food.
==Appearance==
His appearance is a black sphere-like body with a white mask, similar to that of Sid. The mask is a beveled diamond with three horizontal black lines on the middle.
==Locations==
Rufus is found in only one area of the game, the Great Hub, where he can be seen working at Sid's Restaurant. It looks more like a little stall, with various "ingredients" (including Sid Orbs) and a menu displaying a total of 15 dishes.
His backup shadow can also be found at the top of the Tower of Wisdom.
==Dialogue==
This is the dialogue at the Great Hub:
 "Yo, what's up?"
 "Umm...who are you?"
 "I'm ʢʪʫʣ."
 "..."
 "...you can call me Rufus if that's easier."
 "What do you have going on here?"
 "I'm tending to Sid's Restaurant (for the 1000th year in a row)."
 "Yikes."
 "Yeah, how do you think I feel? No one wants to eat this stuff except you Vessels."
 "It does look good..."
 "Of course it does! It's made from 100% organic Sid, non GMO too."
 "Maybe next time."
 "Suit yourself. Oh, if you're staying around the Great Hub I lost my backup shadow somewhere..."
 "Backup shadow?"
 "Yeah, if you find it let me know. I think I was hanging around the Tower of Wisdom last break."
 "Where's that?"
 "It's the big one, behind the windmill on this island."
 "I'll keep an eye out."
 "Thanks (I mean you have like 3 eyes...)"
This is the dialogue if you sit on the stool:
===Sid sushi===
 One Sid Sushi, comin' right up.
 Rufus slides the plate in front of you.
 Sid's face poking out of the roll unnerves you a little bit more than usual...
 You grab a single piece and pop it into your mouth.
 .........
 The texture is interesting to say the least, but not in a bad way.
 You wouldn't have imagined such a distinct ingredients to taste quite so yummy together.
 ..............................!
 You could have sworn that the remaining Sid faces looked a little nervous for a second.
 You quickly push the thought out of your mind and finish the remainder of your meal.
 It's always a bit of shock, but it was delicious as usual.
===Sid croissant===
 One Sid Croissant, comin' right up.
 Rufus slides the plate in front of you.
 The pastry is reminiscent of a boomerang... you feel a little tempted to throw it.
 Honestly though, with the constant glare of the Sid face staring back at you it doesn't feel like it's an unwarranted reaction.
 You steel your resolve as you pick up the croissant and take a tentative bite.
 ...........
 .....The flavor and flakiness of the croissant is divine. Baked to perfection, really.
 You take another bite of the scrumptious croissant.
 You think you hear a faint screaming sound, but it's probably just your imagination."
 .................
 You wish you had a cup of tea to enjoy with this.
===Sid bread===
 One loaf of some fresh Sid Bread, comin' right up.
 Rufus slides the plate in front of you.
 .....You can't believe your eyes.
 I mean, sure, the loaf is an unappetizing burnt-black, but at least it's not staring back at you this time.
 You grab the bread knife and cut yourself off a slice.
 ...........
 .....It appears you spoke too soon. The Sid faces were apparently baked into the bread.
 Despite your revulsion, you slather some butter on the Sid Bread and take a bite.
 ...........!
 ....It's not half-bad. The contrast between the crunchy crust and the soft insides reminds you of home.
 It's even a multigrain loaf, the little seeds have a satisfying pop when you bite them.
 At least, you hope they're seeds.
 Regardless, the mild nutty aftertaste brings it all together.
===Sid taco(s)===
 One Sid Taco, comin' right up.
 Rufus slides the plate in front of you.
 You had anticipated a taco with a Sid face on it, but not a taco with Sid faces IN it.
 You thought you'd prepared yourself for this showdown, but it appears the taco brought reinforcements.
 The taco does smell quite appetizing, despite its entire appearance screaming otherwise.
 You attempt to fit the whole taco into your mouth in a pathetic attempt to face your fears.
 Uhh... You uh, need some help there?
 .........You begin to regret waking up this morning.
 ...........?!?
 You don't think you ever had beans quite this flavorful.
 Are they even beans? You sure hope they are.
 It's hard to care when they blend so well with the crunchy shell and melty cheese.
 You finish your meal, feeling satisfied and unnerved.
 Par for the course when eating Sid food, it seems.
===Sid burger===
 One Sid Burger, comin' right up.
 Rufus slides the plate in front of you.
 The sesame seeds of the bun seem normal, but there's a huge Sid face looking back at you from the top bun.
 No matter what angle you look at the Sid face from, it appears to be staring right at you.
 You get the feeling that if this burger could fight you, it would.
 Besides the face, there's nothing else that's unusual about the toppings on the burger.
 You decide to show the burger who's the boss, and take a big bite.
 ..........
 Wow, its absolutely average!
 It's actually genuinely incredible how unbelievably unremarkable this burger is.
 You've never quite tasted anything like it in your life.
 As you finish the last bite, you realize that such a journey to mediocrity should be cherished.
===Sid rice===
 One Bowl of Sid Rice, comin' right up.
 Rufus slides a steaming bowl towards you.
 The bowl is staring at you, but the rice looks normal enough.
 ...........?
 Upon closer inspection, it seems that each grain of rice has a small Sid on it.
 ...Did one of them just wink at you?
 You glance suspiciously up towards Rufus.
 Hey, don't give me that look. I don't make the menu, I just cook the food.
 You take a large spoonful of Sid Rice and try to force your mouth open.
 ...........
 The rice is pretty spectacular! ....For rice of course, it's not ice cream.
 ........!!
 The rice feels like it's moving in your mouth.
 It's unclear if the rice is composed of sentient dancing Sids or not, but you're running out of other ideas at this point.
 ...You really hate to admit it to yourself, but this wiggling oddly increases the umami of the rice.
===Sid hot dog(s)===
 Some Sid Hot Dogs, comin' right up.
 Rufus slides the plate in front of you.
 You try not to throw up as soon as you see the food.
 These hot dogs look about as unappetizing as possible.
 Even the mustard and ketchup on the Sid Hot Dogs is devoid of color.
 You wonder how Rufus could have even pulled of such a feat.
 The fact that not one, but TWO Sid faces are competing for your attention unnerves you further.
 You hesitantly grab one of the dogs and take a bite.
 ............
 It's..... pretty okay, actually.
 Despite the fact that this hot dog looks like it's been buried underground for 15 years, it doesn't taste bad.
 It dawns on you that it's pretty hard to mess up a hot dog.
 Sure, some are better, some are worse, but there's at least a standard baseline for quality.
 ...............?
 There was a muffled sobbing sound coming from the plate where the other hot dog remained.
 You put your hot dog down and grab the other one, taking a big bite.
 You felt a little guilty not treating them evenly. They both deserve to be tasted.
 ...................
 As you wrap up your meal, the only words that come to mind are "HOME RUN', but you're not sure why.
===Sid omelette===
 One Sid Omlette, comin' right up.
 Rufus slides the plate in front of you.
 You weren't really anticipating making eye-contact with your breakfast.
 The dark omlette is already an eyesore, and Sid's face is not making it any more bearable.
 You wonder if you could hold a conversation with the small mask adorning the food.
 You grab your fork and wedge it underneath the omlette, and begin to wiggle it up and down, muttering under your breath.
 Hahaha, it is I, Sid!
 I tricked you into releasing me, you're such a dummy!
 You cut off a bite of the omlette
 Oh nooooooo! Don't eat me! I'm helpless!
 You put the bite in your mouth and chew.
 ..........
 Wow, that's not bad!
 Despite the nonstandard coloration of the eggs, you can taste their quality.
 The cheese, the sausage, the onions. They're all splashes of paint on this egg-cellent canvas.
 That was genuinely a terrible pun, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
 You make a hushing sound at the omlette, and take another bite.
 You can no longer tell if the constant screaming is just in your imagination or if the Omlette has gained sentience.
 It no longer really matters, the omlette is delicious, and you're having a good time.
 I'm sorry I tricked you, I regret everything!
 You genuinely contemplate forgiveness, but it's hard when the food is this good.
 Don't do it, I'm too yummy to die! Nooooo!
 You're really getting into this, huh?
 You should consider seeing a therapist bud. It's not super healthy to hang on to that trauma.
 .....Oh, that's right.
 You remember you've had an audience this whole time.
 You finish the remained of your meal in silence. 
 It's probably a good idea to chat with a friend though, you've definitely been bottling a lot of this up.
===Sid mac n' cheese===
 A bowl of Sid Mac & Cheese, comin right up.
 Rufus slides a steaming bowl in front of you.
 You normally don't have high expectations when ordering Mac & Cheese.
 Judging by the ink-black noodles in front of you, now would probably be a good time to get some standards.
 Unfortunately, hindsight is 20/20, and you acknowledge that you've already spent the Sol.
 You try to reassure yourself that you can't see any Sid faces except for on the bowl, but the thought provides little comfort.
 You know the faces are there, somewhere in the depths of this dish.
 Soon they will reside in your stomach. Wriggling. You hate the thought of it.
 You grab a spoonful and manage to cry only a little bit while getting it into your mouth.
 ............
 No way.
 There's no possible way. You genuinely can't believe it.
 You wonder how the disgusting pile of slop in front of you could taste this good.
 It's criminal, really.
 People spend their lives studying the art of cuisine, working hard to perfect delicious meals.
 Some go to school, learning from the masters and spending years honing the art of culinary perfection.
 And then there's this Sid-themed Mac & Cheese.
 This Mac & Cheese singlehandedly disrespects every single person who poured their life into cooking.
 All of the chefs of past, present, and future; universally put to shame.
 Each and every one of them made an utter fraud by this bowl of Mac & Cheese.
 The tears won't stop streaming down your face. It's just that good.
 Every single bit makes you cry even more, sobbing openly and embarrassingly now.
 You weep for the flavour. It turns your whole word upside-down.
 You weep for the poor souls who wasted their entire existence trying to cook something 1/10th as good as this.
 You weep, knowing that the only way to continue this experience is to eat every last bite.
 You weep, knowing that with every spoonful, you are brought closer towards an empty bowl.
 You're an absolute wreck now. Face streamed with tears, cheeks smothered in cheesy residue.
 Surprisingly, Rufus hasn't judged you or made any jab at your expense
 It's the first time you've ever seen him act even the slightest bit professionally.
 You catch his gaze, and Rufus gives you a single nod. He knows.
 You know. The two of you share an understanding. 
===Sid fries===
 A large order of Sid Fries, comin' right up.
 Rufus slides the carton in front of you.
 Thankfully, it seems only the container has a Sid's face on it this time.... you hope.
 The pitch-black fries have a pleasant aroma, but something still seems fundamentally wrong about them.
 You can't quite put your finger on what's off though.
 ...Other than the obvious sense of impending doom eminating from the potato pile in front of you.
 ....You gonna eat those? Fries have a shelf-life of like, 5 minutes bud.
 .....He does have a point.
 .................
 The first fry is splendid. Out of this world, even.
 Salty, crispy, it's all perfect.
 Ranch, Ketchup you haven't found a sauce yet that doesn't complement it.
 ..........??
 You could have sworn you heard a faint gurgling noise while dipping that last fry.
 You slowly work your way through the fries, savoring each one and their lovely taste.
 .................
 Halfway through the carton, these fries no longer taste good.
 You wonder why, it had only been a few minutes........
 ........Oh. That's right.
===Sid salad===
 One Sid Side Salad, comin' right up.
 Rufus slides the bowl in front of you.
 .....Is this some kind of sick joke?
 The lettuce is charcoal-black and completely wilted.
 The other veggies look as if they were left under a bath mat for a few days.vve er
 You wonder if that's what the menu meant by "Locally-Sourced".
 The most unnerving part is that you see plenty of Sid faces sprinkled generously on the salad.
 ...........
 You start picking out and flicking the Sid faces off the salad and onto the table.
 Uhh, I wouldn't do that if I were you.
 You glance back at your meal, and try not to scream.
 There are somehow triple the number the Sid faces sprinkled all over your salad.
 The whole thing is coated in them, really. Absolutely Disgusting.
 You reluctantly force down a forkful.
 .................
 Wow! The wilted veggies somehow symbiotically meld into your mouth into a synergetic taste and righteous texture.
 It's an experimental salad for sure. But it's one the culinary elite will flock to.
===Sid soup===
 A bowl of Sid soup, comin' right up.
 Rufus slides the steaming bowl in front of you.
 .................
 There has to be some kind of mistake.
 Rufus has put a steaming bowl of what looks like crude oil in front of you.
 You wonder where the Sid faces are hiding, because the bowl feels like a red herring.
 The word "Sid Noodle Soup" enter your head, and you try not faint.
 Is there any escape from this cruel fate?
 You contemplate asking Rufus for a bendy straw to drink the soup through.
 You think it would convince him that you're insane, conveniently creating a polite way out of this predicament.
 .......On second thought, he would probably get a sick satisfaction out of that pathetic display.
 You grab a spoonful of the foul-smelling tar and summon the courage to open your mouth.
 .................
 ....How could something so disgusting taste so decent?
 Sure, the viscosity of the soup is challenging, but it's also quite novel.
 The flavor is savory, but you can't pick out any of the specific ingredients.
 Not that you mind though, it's quite tasty despite how awful it smells.
 .............
 As you near the bottom of the bowl, a memory from your past springs forth.
 You're seated around the table with your family, with a large pot of stew in the center.
 You all chant "Soup, Soup, just eat the contents!"
 A single tear rolls down your cheek.
 Those were words to live by.
===Sid pie===
 One whole Sud Pie, comin' right up!
 Rufus slides the pie in front of you.
 You really wonder why you walked into this mess willingly.
 "What flavour of pie is this?", you had the naivety to ask before you ordered.
 Sid-flavoured pie. You're not good at this reading thing, are you?
 Rufus' words ring in your head as the huge dark pie sits in front of you, staring you down.
 On top of that, you had the audacity to order the whole thing. A whole pie.
 Normal vessels would have ordered a slice, just to try it out. Not you though, apparently.
 It's just you and the pie. The Sid-flavoured pie.
 You suppose it's not going to eat itself, and start to dig in.
 ...........................................
 ....You wake up? You wonder why you were asleep to begin with.
 You try to think back to what you last remember happening while pulling your head up out of the empty pie dish.
 Your cheeks are covered in crumbs, and you feel incredibly full but super satisfied. 
 Try as you might, you no longer remember what Sid-flavoured pie tastes like.
 It's probably for the best, considering the absolute state of squalor you've found yourself in.
 ....probably.
===Sid ice cream===
 A bowl of Sid Ice Cream, comin' right up.
 Rufus slides the chilly bowl in front of you.
 ....There's a lot to unpack here, and you're not sure if you want to.
 While you're eternally grateful that only the bowl is staring at you, it provides little comfort.
 The dubious origin of the dairy in front of you fills you with an overwhelming sense of discomfort.
 Does Sid Ice Cream mean that there are Sid Cows?
 Is there a secret Sid Ranch, some kind of hidden cow level, where the Sid Milk was sourced?
 Are Sid Cows just regular cows with Sid-faced spots?
 Or are they dark-colored cows with Sid faces, staring blankly into your soul?
 The agony of the unsolved mysteries is enough to make you want to throw the bowl
 You imagine putting your foot down, just this once.
 You would shout "I've had it with this Sid-themed nonsense!"and give Rufus a piece of your mind.
 You imagine at least 23 different arguments with Rufus, and you win each and every one of them.
 ............
 ........Oh.
 ....The ice cream has all melted.
===Sid donut===
 One Sid Donut, comin' right up.
 Rufus slides the plate in front of you.
 You had hoped to have never have thought of the words "Sid Sprinkles", but here we are.
 The donut was covered in regular sprinkles as well, of course.
 Some of them just happened to be staring back with Sid's trademark blank expression.
 You grab the donut and take a hearty bite out of it. 
 .........
 You've had better donuts, but you really can't complain.
 Just the right level of sweetness, not too much, not too little.
 .....You feel like you really could do without the sickening crunch of Sid Sprinkles, though.
 If only Rufus had some coffee on the menu, perhaps this would be a more bearable ordeal.
==Trivia==
* The Cuisine A La Sid was added at the same time as the Tower of Wisdom.
*The concept of the Sid Restaurant was created by KeiaNightS (The Parchment Dragon) on the Discord server. She drew the menu, and her signature KN can be seen in the bottom right-hand corner.
::*Sitting on the stool for long enough in front of Cuisine A La Sid brings up the menu, showing you the following choices: Sid sushi, Sid croissant, Sid bread, Sid taco(s), Sid burger, Sid rice, Sid hot dog(s), Sid omelette, Sid mac n' cheese, Sid fries, Sid salad, Sid soup, Sid pie, Sid ice cream, Sid donut.
==Gallery==
File:Sid Restaurant .png|Rufus at work in his Sid Restaurant.
Category:Characters