Food Fighter

It was a Terrible day at the Snack Bar.
== Transcript ==
* Grover: Augh, this sucks.
* Cookie Monster: What's that supposed to mean?
* Grover: It means that the next time we get to pick our job for the day, I get to pick. Why did you pick the Snack Bar? This is like the worst job at the park!
* Cookie Monster: I think it's the funnest job at the park.
* Grover: You don't really think that. You just don't want to admit that you're wrong.
* Cookie Monster: Why would I admit something that I'm not?
* Grover: Seriously, this is more boring than watching you trying to read a children's book.
* Cookie Monster: Is it more boring than your face?
* Grover: I don't know, is it more boring than my fist in your face?
* Cookie Monster: Is it more boring than my fist in your face!
* Grover: You're face!
* Cookie Monster: No, you're face!
* Grover & Cookie Monster: [Starts fighting] You're face!
* [Daffy Duck appears]
* Daffy Duck: Stop Fighting!
* Grover & Cookie Monster: [Start dusting themselves off] Oh, hey Daffy.
* Daffy: So, how do you like being the guardians of the snacks?
* Cookie Monster: It's awesome.
* Grover: This place is lame.
* [Grover and Cookie Monster start fighting again]
* Daffy: But Grover, don't you like eating snacks for free?
* Grover: What?
* Daffy: When I work here, all the snacks are free! Ta ta! [Walks away]
* [Grover and Cookie Monster look at each other for a moment, then duck down under the counter, shoveling doughnuts into their mouths.]
* Cookie Monster: I guess this means I was right about the Snack Bar.
* Grover: Yeaahh!
* [A montage begins of Grover and Cookie Monster eating a variety of snacks. At the end, Grover and Cookie Monster are sick from overeating.]
* Grover: I need to eat something healthy, like a salad or something.
* Cookie Monster: But all these snacks are... free. [Holds up a butterscotch cookie and takes a bite out of it. He Grimaces in pain as his stomach rumbles]
* [Clock transition to the house. It is nighttime. The scene changes to inside the house, where Grover is eating a pasta salad.]
* Grover: [Takes a bite of the pasta salad] Ahh. I feel so much better.
* Cookie Monster: So do I. [Eats a chocolate chip cookie, grimacing in pain again as his stomach rumbles.]
* Grover: I'm telling you. If you keep eating like that, your body's gonna quit on you.
* [Cookie Monster Puts another doughnut in his mouth. A split second later, Cookie Monster is rolling on the floor, groaning in pain]
* Cookie Monster: All Snacks are Free! [Screams in pain, then picks up the doughnut next to him] One more should do it... [He suddenly drops the doughnut as he loses control of his hands] Huh?! [Cookie Monster's hands grab his face, pull him to his feet, and drag him around the room. He smashes into a wall, then falls over the fallen chair. His hands then pull really hard, causing his eyes to roll back into his head and glow]
* Grover: What are you doing?! [His hands keep pulling, eventually ejecting Cookie Monster as a green glob of consciousness with Cookie Monster's eyes.]
* Cookie Monster: Aww, let me back in! [His body pushes him away and runs off] Wait! Come back! [Tries to follow his body, but ends up inside a bucket on the floor] Ohhh... whatever! I'm just gonna chill in this bucket!
* [Clock transition to the next day. Grover enters the kitchen.]
* Cookie Monster: [Calling from the bucket] Grover! Grover!
* Grover: [Sees Cookie Monster as the green glob] Aww, SICK! What the heck is that?!
* Cookie Monster: Ha ha! Who's the loser now, Grover?
* Grover: Wait... Cookie Monster?!
* Cookie Monster: My stomach doesn't even hurt anymore.
* Grover: That's because you don't even have a BODY anymore! This is bad. You better hope a psychiatrist knows how to fix this.
* [Clockwise wipe to Lucy's Psychiatrist Stand]
* Lucy: What happened to his body?
* Grover: Dude, I don't know. It like, ditched him or something from eating too much junk food.
* Lucy: Well, it looks like it's not that big of a deal, if he doesn't mind being a body-less consciousness for the rest of his life.
* Cookie Monster: Since when does being right make you a--
* Grover: [Puts a lid on the bucket and sighs] Lucy, what do I have to do? I can't let him stay like this.
* Lucy: That's a bit tougher. Once the body departs, you only have till sunset to get it back. You know where it is?
* Grover: Hmm, then I'll have to find it. [Walking to The Inspector] I'll be right back, Cookie Monster. Just stay here.
* [Grover and The Inspector drive away with the cart, leaving Cookie Monster, who is stuck in the bucket, alone, Clockwise wipe to the park; Cookie Monster's body lays the pasta salad down, looks both ways to make sure no one sees him, and starts eating. Cut to Lucy's house.]
* Cookie Monster: [Moving the bucket with all his might, although bodiless; grunting] Ergghh!! Phew! I guess it is kinda harder to move around without my body. [Cookie Monster then sees the hockey stick and roller skates, then comes up with an idea to move around easier]
* [Clockwise wipe back to the park; Grover and The Inspector sneak behind a bush as they hear Cookie Monster's body chewing salad]
* The Inspector: Shh. [Parts the bushes]
* Grover: [Whispering] What's it doing?
* The Inspector: Eating a salad. Le précipiter on the count of three.
* Grover: Okay.
* The Inspector: One....two....
* [Cookie Monster wheels in with his new way of moving when bodiless. The tape from the hockey stick is strapped to the roller skates and his bucket.]
* Cookie Monster: [Loudly] Hey, guys! What's up?
* [Cookie Monster's body, hearing this, stops eating the salad and runs away.]
* Grover and The Inspector: No!
* The Inspector: [Points at Cookie Monster] We told you to stay put! [Walks away]
* Grover: Ugh! Cookie Monster, you scared it away!
* Cookie Monster: Oh, don't worry about that! Remember how I said I don't need it? Well, I was right again! Dude, check it! [Wheels around as Grover watches in horror] It's a trash can and a roller blade.
* Grover: I can't believe you! Please, just stay put! [Walks away]
* Cookie Monster: All this being right is making me hungry.
* [At the Snack Bar, Bert and Ernie are behind the counter, where Grover and Cookie Monster were at the beginning of the episode]
* Bert: Wait, what is that? [Sees Cookie Monster in the bucket, skating to the Snack Bar]
* Cookie Monster: [Slams the Snack Bar door open] Gimme some snacks!
* Ernie: [Scared] What are you?!
* Bert: Looks like a bucket of slime.
* Cookie Monster: No, It's me, Cookie Monster!
* Bert: [Terrified] Oh, man! That boot with wheels stole Cookie Monster's voice!
* Cookie Monster: No, I didn't steal anything.
* Bert: You're not stealing these voices. C'mon Ernie, let's bail! [They climb out of the Snack Bar and run off]
* Cookie Monster: Come back!
* Bert: No way!
* Cookie Monster: It's me, Cookie Monster! [Trips on a rock] Aw, man.
* [Clockwise wipe to the park. The Inspector picks up the eaten salad.]
* The Inspector: [Sniffs the salad] Il est proche. I'll take care of the body. You go find Cookie Monster. We don't have much time.
* [The sun is shown over the building as Grover is looking for Cookie Monster at the Snack Bar]
* Grover: Cookie Monster! Cookie Monster! Where is he?
* [Walks out of the Snack Bar. Bert and Ernie walk up to him, armed with weapons; Bert is carrying a bat and Ernie is carrying a water gun]
* Grover: Hey, have you guys seen Cookie Monster?
* Bert: No. Have you seen a magic garbage can? We need to beat the living-
* Grover: Magic garbage can? That was Cookie Monster! Which way did he go?
* [Cookie Monster is heard screaming; a few feet away, a trash collector is dumping Cookie Monster into a garbage truck. He throws the skate-can back onto the ground]
* Grover: [Gasps] Cookie Monster!
* [The truck pulls away with Cookie Monster still inside. We see Cookie Monster in the filthy, roach-infested truck, recoiling and squealing in horror]
* Cookie Monster: Help!
* Bodybuilder: No-one can hear you.
* Cookie Monster: Who's there?
* Bodybuilder: Don't worry: just another bodiless consciousness. [Admires Cookie Monster and rolls around him, talking] Woah! Hey, did you work out way too hard, too?
* Cookie Monster: N-no. I ate too much junk food.
* Bodybuilder: Yep, that'll do it. Me? I was a bodybuilder. [We see a flashback of a huge, muscular man lifting weights at a gym] I could have gone pro. My friend kept telling me, [a pink blob morphs out of the basketball and starts speaking in angry, mocking tones] "If you keep pumpin' iron like that, your body's gonna quit on you!" I told him he was full of it! [Morphs back into the basketball] But I didn't get my bod' back in time and now look at me: stuck with a basketball for a body.
* Cookie Monster: Yeah, well, my body's still good.
* [The blob Daffy back out of the basketball for a second]
* Bodybuilder: Wait, your body's still good? Well, whatcha doin' in here, dummy?
* Cookie Monster: I...
* Bodybuilder: You must not want it. Mind if I take it?
* Cookie Monster: No!
* [The basketball bounces away]
* Bodybuilder: Don't worry, I'll find it. So long, sucka!
* Cookie Monster: [Anguished] No!!! [Falls over, crying, but looks over to see the trash door open and Grover appear] Grover! Please help me get my body back!
* Grover: Don't wory, dude. I think we can get it back in time. And even if we mess up, you've always got this! [Holds up the skate-can]
* Grover and Cookie Monster: Ohhhhh!!!
* Cookie Monster: But seriously, dude, I want my old body back.
* Grover: [Into two-way radio] The Inspector, I found Cookie Monster.
* The Inspector: [Through radio] I found the body, but you'd better hurry. We got a problem.
* [Cookie Monster looks worried. The scene cuts to the park, where Cookie Monster's body, clad in a bodybuilding outfit, is limbering up in preparation to lift a dumbbell. He tries to lift, but immediately drops the weight. The bodybuilder's essence morphs out of Cookie Monster's body and addresses him angrily]
* Bodybuilder: Body, you're worthless! [Slaps the body] I can't believe you can't do a simple clean and jerk!
* [Grover and The Inspector are shown behind Cookie Monster's body. Grover is holding up the trash can with Cookie Monster in it]
* Cookie Monster: Hey! What are you doin' with my body?!
* Bodybuilder: Oh, it's you! [Morphs back into Cookie Monster's body] Whaddaya think? Pretty cool, huh?
* Cookie Monster: No, not pretty cool. You dress me like a loser!
* Bodybuilder: [Flexes grossly] Aw, you don't like weightlifting singlets? No wonder your body left you. Oh well. Now it's not you anymore... [Flexes again] It's me!
* Cookie Monster: Augh! Gimme back my body!
* Bodybuilder: Finders keepers.
* Grover: The Inspector!
* The Inspector: We tried it the nice way. Now we do it the The Inspector way.
* [The bodybuilder looks nervous for a second, then throws his singlet towards Grover and runs off]
* Bodybuilder: So long, suckers!
* [Grover, Cookie Monster and The Inspector chase the bodybuilder through the park. The bodybuilder sprints ahead onto the road, knocking over a cyclist in his haste.]
* The Inspector: He's too fast.
* [Daffy pulls alongside in a golf cart]
* Daffy: Are you having a game of tag, turds?
* The Inspector: I really wish you wouldn't teach him those words.
* [The Inspector and Grover jump into the cart, with Cookie Monster in hand. The Inspector takes the wheel]
* The Inspector: Daffy, slide over.
* [The chase continues up and down the park hill]
* Cookie Monster: I'll take it from here!
* [Cookie Monster dives from the cart before Grover can grab him]
* Grover: Cookie Monster! No!
* [Cookie Monster and his body are seen tumbling down the side of the switchback road as the cart continues on the pavement]
* The Inspector: It's too steep. We'll have to go around.
* [Further down the road, Cookie Monster and his body emerge from the bushes, still fighting]
* Cookie Monster: Give me my body back!
* Bodybuilder: No! Get off me!
* [Cookie Monster manages to crawl back into his body.]
* Cookie Monster: Get outta my body!
* [The two essences pop out of Cookie Monster's chest and continue to wrestle]
* Bodybuilder: No: you get outta the body, you worm!
* [The bodybuilder's essence throws Cookie Monster's essence at the cart, hitting The Inspector on the face. The Inspector swerves the cart and blindly runs into Cookie Monster's body, sending the bodybuilder's essence flying to a nearby playground, where he lands on a slide and becomes one with it. A fat kid slides down and is seen walking away from the slide]
* Bodybuilder: Aw, man, my mouth was open!
* [Back at the cart, the four park workers look at Cookie Monster's body on the road. It has a tire track right across its back]
* Cookie Monster: Dude, we did it! I got my body back!
* Grover: [Moans in disgust] Are you sure you still want it?
* [We zoom in on the body and see it even more mangled, with flies buzzing around it. Cookie Monster picks up the body and its arms hang limp and broken]
* Cookie Monster: I'll never treat you like that again.
* The Inspector: Quick! Before the sun sets!
* [As Cookie Monster watches the sun set, he dives into his body, which shoots out white light in beautiful rays]
* Daffy: [Eyes wide in wonder] Glorious.
* [The white light stops, and Cookie Monster's eyes roll forward in his head. He blinks in recognition. Grover leans over him and puts a hand on his belly]
* Grover: Dude. How do you feel?
* Cookie Monster: [Pause] Aaaauuuggghhh!
* [Cuts to the interior of the Snack Bar, where Cookie Monster is wrapped almost entirely in plaster, sitting on a wheelchair, with bleary eyes]
* Cookie Monster: Well Grover, I guess you were right about the Snack Bar being lame. Especially now that we're not into eating all the free snacks.
* Grover: Oh, about that. Those snacks weren't free.
* Cookie Monster: What?
* Grover: Turns out only Daffy gets snacks for free.
* Cookie Monster: Hmmm, Ok.
Category:Sesame Street
Category:Peanuts
Category:The Pink Panther
Category:Looney Tunes