Kaplan Embers

Caedan Eledra (born 28 Nightal, 1265 DR), better known under their stage name Kaplan Embers, was a High Elf bard (and later druid) who dwelt in Baldur's Gate during the late 15th century DR.
== Character History ==
=== Of Secrets and Fables (1265-1333 DR) ===
Caedan was born in the Year of Flowers, 1265 DR to Jael, a painter, and Krisleth, a member of Hill Elders. Because of their mother's status and the secretive nature of the city, Caedan and their two younger brothers lived very privileged but sheltered lives. They wanted for nothing, and had many interests including art, writing, and music. It became increasing clear as Caedan got older that where their other hobbies were fun, music was their real passion. They'd mastered several instruments by the time they hit age fifty and often performed at city events and social functions. Their favorite song to play was The Queen's High Seas, but people in Evereska liked Caedan's original work too, notably a song called How Bright the Moon, about a wanderer trapped in a tower, staring at the moon and dreaming of freedom.
History and religion were another interest of theirs, and when they weren't writing songs they were reading, anything and everything they could on ancient religions and cultures. The outside world fascinated them, the intricacies of societies and how time claimed everything in the end, even Gods. Everything there ever was and ever would be inhabits the same world, bleeding over and blending and transforming and somehow never changing despite things never not changing. It excited them, especially when it came to unexplored lands. The Cold Lands were of particular interest to Caedan. The concept of snow seemed to foreign and beautiful to them.
=== Wanderlust (1334-1342 DR) ===
At age seventy Caedan decided to leave Evereska in search of adventure. It was a decision that was met with criticism from neighbor and family alike. No one around them could understand their wanderlust, thinking everyone should be content with the exuberance and comfort the city provides. Krisleth was especially displeased with their decision, doing everything in her power to try and keep Caedan safe inside Evereska's borders. Her main method of choice was emotional blackmail, which Caedan was determined wasn't going to work this time. This decision shouldn't have come as a surprise because they'd approached the subject a few times only to be shot down. Caedan understood their mother's anxieties about the outside world, and knew they were totally fair to have. Faerûn was always in a state of chaos, but did that mean they should hole up and hide? Maybe for some, like their mother, but Caeden didn't want only having seen Evereska. So despite not having support, they still left, excited to start a new chapter of their life. 
They spent the next seven years wandering Faerûn. They studied olden day histories in Candlekeep, crafted spells with the people of Baldur's Gate, danced their nights away in Waterdeep (they loved all the many holidays celebrated there, especially Fey Day), but their longest stay was in Neverwinter. They began a torrid love affair with popular chapbook author Tevus Crell, who wrote a trilogy with Caedan as the muse. Love on the Morrow, Eyes Full of Stars, and An Unthinkable Fate were massive hits in the city, and spread far down the Sword Coast. A subsequent fourth installment, Winter's Heart, released after Caedan and Tevus broke up, clearly an effort for the latter to work through his grief. Even though Tevus had aired their dirty laundry in it (he wanted a commitment and Caedan didn't), they considered it the best in the series. 
=== Sleeping in the Cold Below (1343 DR) ===
After moving on from Neverwinter and spending several months bouncing around smaller settlements, Caedan made a stop in Yartar and met a Dragonborn named Grezavur. His rust-colored scales glittered in the sunlight, and it was lust at first sight. The pair immediately got together and didn't leave his room for three whole days. After, Grezavur told Caedan he was on his way north in search of prismatic ice, which texts hinted contained magic that could help him save his hometown from another clan of dragonborn. The thought process was that ice magic could help negate the threat in a way they wouldn't see coming. Caedan, always interested in venturing up north but never brave enough to do so, agreed to go along when Grezavur asked. They travelled all the way to Bryn Shander together in what Caedan would later describe as "their sex tour." Grezavur learned from local rumors that prismatic ice was thought to exist in a cave closer to (but not near) Reghed Glacier. 
It was only after hiring a guide and traversing to the cave that Caedan learned Grezavur was a dirty lying piece of shit. They found the prismatic ice, and he urged Caedan to grab a piece for themselves. In doing so, a tendril of chill shot through their hand and up their left side. As parts of their hair turned white and their left eye throbbed, Grezavur pried the ice from Caedan's hand and thanked them for doing their part. Supposedly a wizard named Cleves had found the ice five decades before and left warning of a curse, that whoever first touched the ice would be consumed by it and destroyed, but in doing so leave the magic in the ice free for the next. It became very clear that Caedan was used from the very start, and feeling foolish all they could do was watch him leave the cave, their body in too much pain to move... 
But it was Grezavur that was the fool, as they'd both soon learn. After a while passed the pain in Caedan's body subsided and they were left... okay. Unbeknownst to both of them the wizard Cleves had made up the curse. The prismatic ice was so insignificant in the grand scheme of things (it only provided a person an affinity for ice magic, not granting them unmeasurable power), that he decided to leave it and have some gossipy fun instead. Caedan, full of rage and a newfound penchant for ice magic, set out after Grezavur and the traitorous guide he hired, impaling them with spears of ice before they could make it back to Bryn Shander. Caedan watched the blood of his former lover slowly freeze as it dripped down the spear, and they were a little scared to realize they felt nothing. Was this brutal end earned on his part? Yes, absolutely, but at the same time Caedan hadn't displayed this level of cruelty before. It made them worried about the effects of the prismatic ice and how it might be changing them. 
=== The Retreat (1344-1374 DR) ===
No one in Evereska knew how to remove the ice magic that had bound itself to Caedan and changed their hair partially white and left eye silver. It didn't seem malicious in any way, and it definitely wasn't altering their mind (which means the murderous intent they displayed in Icewind Dale came from themselves). Krisleth took this turn as a chance to try and convince Caedan to stay, that barding around the country clearly wasn't working out, but they refuted this and reaffirmed their plans to leave again soon. They loved seeing everyone, but this city wasn't their home anymore.
Unfortunately for Caedan that was the time the Elven Court decreed all fair folk were to leave Faerûn. The Retreat began, and while most elves headed the court and left the continent for Evermeet, many instead fled to Evereska, who's population proclaimed they had no intention of leaving. The city was put into lockdown with all inhabitants expected to remain safely inside, and this was especially hard for Caedan who wanted nothing more than to return to exploring. Instead they remained in the city with their family, and slowly integrated back into society, taking up work teaching new citizens the Evereskan sign language. After that they retired to the Meadow near the Vale, sequestered inside a small home overlooking the mythal border. It was secluded, and it was nice, but this thirty year span was the worst in Caedan's life. Being stuck in Evereska after leaving felt worse than having never left at all, and as the years drifted by they felt more and more of their happiness drain away. Life began to feel bleak and unbearable, but every time they thought about leaving before the Retreat ended their family kicked up a fuss. It was easier to relent, even if it brought them to the brink of ending their own life. The only thing that kept them afloat was watching their brother Ralomaer's son, Theodred, grow up.
When Cambrizym of Candlekeep wrote that the Retreat had come to an end, they sobbed from joy.
=== Awestruck by Myth Drannor (1375 DR) ===
By the next year Caedan was living in the restored city of Myth Drannor. They had only intended to stay a short time but they fell in love with the architecture and beauty of the city and decided to stay a while, paying for a long term room at an inn with their bard income. However the allure of the city slowly began to lose it's hold on them, and they realized that living in another elven city, even if not Evereska, was still too much for them. They craved a melting pot of all cultures, which they'd experienced many times on their original travels, and began going through a mental list of everywhere they'd been that hadn't felt stifling. 
It was while contemplating another move that they ran into an elf with black-and-red hair, at a local market. A draconic sorcerer, Caedan thought he was cute but had sworn off men after the Grezavur fiasco, a pact they'd maintained during the entire Retreat despite having many offers. The two had a casual chat while looking over a produce basket, and it was pleasant enough but not much to think twice about, until minutes later when they realized they'd been pickpocketed. It only could've been the sorcerer, he was the only one they'd been close to since arriving at the market. They chased after him but lost the battle when they locked eyes across the way and he magically teleported away.
Broke and unsure what else to do Caedan packed up their stuff, planning to leave in the morning. There was no way they'd scrounge up enough to keep the room at the inn before the next payment was due, and it was a painfully slow realization that they'd have to steal to get out of the city. They were perpetuating the same behavior that landed them in this mess to begin with, and it was a bitter feeling. They had spent nine years before the Retreat travelling Faerûn and hadn't once resorted to being a piece of shit. Times apparently change. 
They at least kept some sense of morality by pickpocketing an absolute douchebag who was drunk and hollering at women as they passed by the inn that night. He only had a few hundred gold on him, but it was enough to secure safe passage through the forests surrounding Myth Drannor. And they had to admit, it felt kind of cool to pull the wool over on someone like that. Powerful, in a kind of sad and pathetic way, but still. Maybe they can even understand, just a little bit, why the black-and-red elf had done it in the first place. You know, obvious greed aside. 
=== Beyond the Gate (1375-1491 DR) ===
Caedan had only spent a week in the Lower City when it happened, when they saw him: the sorcerer that robbed them back in Myth Drannor. He was just strutting down the street, clearly lost in his own thoughts, and before Caedan could stop themselves they were running after him. The following confrontation wasn't a satisfying one, with the guy just shrugging the accusation off and pretending like they'd never met before. For a moment they almost believe that it, after all what's one pickpocket victim out of Gods know how many more? But the small smirk playing at his lips kept Caedan from buying into it. "Well you're not getting your money back," they spat, and Caedan said all they wanted was an apology. It was a surprise to both of them how much the guy started laughing at that, and when he finally calmed down the apology seemed sincere. He said he'd never been asked to apologize before and only ever fought in encounters like this, and he offered to buy Caedan a drink at the the Blushing Mermaid. Making sure they had nothing on them that was worth stealing first, they agreed.
It's crazy how you can click with someone so easily once you talk with them and not rob them blind. The sorcerer, Azura, and Caedan spent that whole night drinking and chatting, and this time when he tried to steal Kaplan's gold, there wasn't anything to be found and they both laughed about it. He invited them back to his place, saying the Elfsong had taken too much of their gold already. Azura lived in a small building tucked away in a Seatower alleyway. It was two stories with just enough space for two people to cohabitate, and apparently the owner never used the place so their being here had to be kept a secret, but luckily it's out-of-the-way location helped out with that.
Neither of them knew it at the time but they'd be spending the next century living together in that building.
==== The Highharvestide Swindle ====
Caedan had an affinity for charming their way out of trouble, something they learned quickly when participating in Azura's schemes. He was a career criminal, always thieving and playing all sides. There wasn't a situation out there he wouldn't try and make some gold off of and Caedan spinning a quick lie and flowering people with flattery almost always undid a sticky situation. The charm also worked when getting into trouble, but sneaking into Lady Mardove Ravenshade's Highharvestide ball was truly another level, especially because of the security she hired for her events.
When Azura said they wanted to sneak into a ball, Caedan wasn't on board. Sure, Azura had acquired some hoity-toity clothes from a shipping crate he blackmailed off a vendor, but it would take a lot more than that to slip into high society. Having coming from a city full of rich, influential elven families they knew they could probably blend into the crowd, but Azura was more... sharp about the edges. A diamond in the rough. "Come on, when we will get another chance like this? We already have the clothes we may as well break them in before hocking them," Azura pleaded and pleaded and begged some more. "Plus the loot will be amazing. Think of all the nice things you can grab!" In the end they agreed but only because the thought of having a good quality perfume was too good to pass up. Hey, you can take the high elf out of Evereska but you can't take the taste for fine things from the high elf, or whatever.
The two of them were confronted by guards before even getting onto the street the ball where the ball was happening. Apparently fancy dress alone wasn't enough to go unnoticed. They demanded to see identification or an invite, and before Azura could even blink Caedan was spinning a web of lies. "Identification? Do you not know who I am?" And when the guards hesitated, "I'm Karlan of the Exeltis Family. I came all the way from the Blade Cliffs to support my friend Mardove and you won't even let me inside? I'll have your ass out of a job quicker than you could spit on your own shoe. Now step aside or I'll have to call my honor guard."
It was a tense moment, but the guards stepped aside, and Caedan kept walking as if they no longer existed. Azura, however, was enthralled by what just happened and it took all his strength not to flip them off as they strutted passed. Later Caedan explained that a good lie is always rooted in truth, and that using the Exeltis family as a cover only worked because their numbers had dwindled in latest centuries and no one knew how many were actually left. It could've easily gone the other way but luckily the upper elite in this city tend to be dense, and their guards even more so.
The ball was lovely, but they didn't stay long to enjoy. They shared one dance, ate a bunch of the food, then looted the coat room and any places they could sneak into on their way back out. Caedan even managed to snag an unopened bottle of Twilight Trickery Nº4.
==== Pebble Party Pickpockets ====
There was a few year period where Azura and Caedan (now performing under the moniker Kaplan Embers, because using fake names to get into places is super fun) initiated pebble parties, pop up parties on random streets. Kaplan would play their trusty flute, attracting the eyes of everyone in the crowd, as Azura snuck around invisible lifting whatever he could. Kaplan would often use disguise magic to transform into other races, to keep things inconsistent and their movements hard to track, and one ever saw Azura at all. The sudden and random appearance of pebble parties was the perfect cover. It was the scam that kept on giving, at least until the Flaming Fists got too close. They'd been dubbed the Pebble Party Pickpockets by the Fist and their investigation was always ongoing. Azura and Kaplan never knew how they slipped up, just that somehow the Fist were at their next party almost immediately, scoping out the crowd and asking questions. Instead of even attempting the charade the duo slipped away, knowing it was best to move onto another scheme before they ended up in prison.
However, a Fist managed to stop them before they could slip away, and Azura was certain Kaplan would charm their way out of this just like so many other times. Kaplan smiled and, instead of spinning some tale, smashed the guy over the head with the lute they'd brought for tonight's performance. With him knocked out they broke into a run and vanished into the night before anyone else saw them.
==== Brush with the Flaming Fists ====
They always knew one of them was going to end up in cuffs and to no one in the universe's surprise it was Azura, who was caught breaking into a chest in the back room of a shop. He was certain the shopkeeper would be distracted long enough, but one thing led to another which ended in him being carted off by the Fist. Petty thievery wasn't great but it wasn't the worst crime imaginable, so maybe he'd be out by tomorrow if he played his cards right. Kaplan had gone to shop at Sorcerous Sundries so he didn't expect help from them either, which sucked.
A firework of all things suddenly shot across the way and smacked right into the guard escorting Azura down the street. She screamed and let go, giving Azura a chance to make a run for it during the commotion. He managed to get around the nearest corner when someone snatched him up and shoved an invisibility potion down his throat. Choking, he watched as all his limbs disappear just as several Fist turned the corner and ran passed.
"Were you stealing again?" Kaplan asked when they were far enough away, their fingers slowly reappearing as the potion wore off. They were on their way back from spending thousands of gold at the Sundries when they saw the Fist surrounding a shop. They didn't even have to wait and see who was in trouble, immediately pulling a firework out of their bag to cause a distraction. That, an invisibility potion, and Misty Step were the only things between Azura's freedom and a dingy cell.
"What are you talking about? I never steal!" Azura answered with a smile, the same way he always does when he's caught being a little thieving hoe bag.
==== Four's a Crowd ====
Kaplan and Azura met a tiefling couple named Aranxius and Lokerias after a long night of gambling at the Low Lantern. Having used a mind reading spell to cheat at cards, the two were feeling pretty good about themselves, and the young couple were so attractive and said all the right things. If they weren't drunk they might've caught on sooner to the couple's bullshit but they were juuuuuust far enough gone to eat it up. The couple said they were wanting to hook up with another couple and asked if they'd be down. Despite Kaplan and Azura having made out and tasted each other several times over the years, they weren't a couple, but went along with it anyway and said sure. 
It was some of the nastiest sex either of them ever had and the next morning Kaplan knew they'd have to suppress the memories just to keep functioning in society. Azura coped by trying to drink immediately after waking up, but a knife to his throat prevented that. Lokerias, still naked, straddled Azura and held him down while Aranxius aimed their quarterstaff at Kaplan, ready to cast a deadly spell. They revealed themselves to be working for Laraelra Thundreth, owner of the Lantern, who wanted them gone for cheating at her games. There was no proof and Kaplan and Azura knew that, so this job was set up.
There was a moment Kaplan thought they may actually die here in this was little Inn, but to everyone's surprise Azura managed to kick Lokerias back and launched forward, ripping the tiefling's nose with his teeth. He screamed in torment and blood sprayed all over Aranxius's face, disorienting him long enough for Kaplan to wrench the staff from his hands and cast the only spell they could think of. Aranxius screamed as his body hardened and crackled, the ice glazing over his eyes before finally dimming them. Lokerias, still gushing blood, passed out from the shock and Kaplan watched Azura slit his throat for good measure. Together they pushed over the frozen Aranxius and he shattered in a thousand pieces, dead.
This whole mess was a huge escalation from what they were used to, which was petty thievery and convoluted scams. It felt like something changed inside them from this experience, although they couldn't quite pinpoint what. They didn't have time to wonder about it though because they weren't safe so long as the Laraelra had it out for them.
==== A Whine and Some Wine in the Wide ====
Doing small side hustles for the Guild wasn't something they did a lot, but gold is gold. They both knew how dangerous it could be getting too deep into the Guild's nonsense but a little job once in a pink moon didn't kill anybody. They were tasked by a dwarf called Hjolgarn to pose as merchants picking up an order of expensive wines from the Wide in the Upper City, and one of Kaplan's trusty tall tales easily got them through the door. The Wide wasn't a place they often visited because sneaking into the Upper City was typically more effort than it was worth. They picked up the shipment from a half-orc and his daughter, Faleri.
The exchange went smoothly and the duo started making their way to the rendezvous at the wall, but were stopped a short distance away by Faleri herself. She said she knew they were smugglers because they didn't even try to look like the regular guys and while her father is unassuming, she's smart enough to use this to everyone's advantage. "I won't alert the Fist to your operation if you help me get into the Lower City. My fiancé is waiting there for me and we're going to elope, but my father will stop me if I try leaving through a gate."
"What makes you think we won't kill you?" Azura asked, more trying to make a point than threaten her.
She looked right at Kaplan as she said "because those of us with great hair have to stick together."
Azura wasn't happy going along with her plan but after that one bit of flattery Kaplan was dead set on helping the girl reach her true love. They took her along and did the drop off with ease, pretending she was another partner in the scheme, and took their gold happy to bid the whole affair goodbye.
Faleri met her fiancé, a female gnome named Hesona, and Kaplan was so touched by their reunion and gratitude they promised to write a song inspired by their love. Back at their place Azura revealed that when they counted the wine in the shipment there was three extra bottles than what the Guild expected, so he swiped it.
"When did you even have time to take that?"
"When you were letting what's her face braid your hair."
"You have to admit it looks really good this way," Kaplan said, and Azura absolutely had no choice but to admit it.
The song Kaplan wrote about Faleri and Hesona was called Everything to Give and they often played it at their shows.
== Baldur's Gate 3 (1492 DR) ==
=== Act 1 ===
==== Fight for Your Life ====
The first thing Kaplan saw when they woke up was a Mindflayer. They'd never seen one in person before, but their ugly tentacle faces were unmistakable. The second thing they saw was a Githyanki, trapped in some kind of pod across the room. They watched as the illithid inserted something into the Gith's eye, and that's when Kaplan realized they themselves were stuck inside a pod too. Unobservant, perhaps, but there was a lot going on. They watched with confusion and horror as the Mindflayer grabbed another one of those worms and let it wriggle deep into their eye... the shock and pain forced them back into unconsciousness. 
The next time Kaplan awoke they were laying on the floor among shattered glass as fires raged around them. Everything hurt, but they remembered... walking down the street with Azura, and then they were here. They looked around for their friend, spotting him across the room just as dazed and confused. Together they stumbled their way around the ship and found a man strapped down with his brain exposed, and their minds connected. Or rather, the parasites within their brains connected, and that's when Kaplan and Azura realized what the Ilithids had done to them. Not just that but this exposed brain was alive, sentient, and a foreboding glimpse at their own futures. Kaplan destroyed the brain, more as an outlet for their own anger, but also as an act of mercy for the person the brain used to be. It was then that the pair were confronted by a Githyanki woman and Kaplan recognized her from the pods before. She was ready to kill them both, but then their parasites connected too (who doesn't have a parasite at this point?), and it was glaringly obvious they'd need to team up to get out of this mess. When asked where the ship even was, the Githyanki - named Lae'zel - said she didn't know and all that mattered was getting to the control deck and steering the ship somewhere safe. 
The trio fought their way through the vessel, choosing to save another captive named Shadowheart along the way. When they found her trying to escape a pod they weren't sure they should trust her, but Kaplan knew no one with a cunty hairstyle like that could be evil. The foursome were shocked when they reached the control room and saw they were crashing in Avernus. It's the first time Kaplan truly took stock of their situation and felt the hopelessness of it, and if it wasn't for everyone else jumping into action to steer the ship, they may have given up then and there. After yet another battle Azura grabbed two tentacles and forced them together, which opened a portal ahead of them. Just then a Githyanki dragon burst through the window and blew fire, forcing everyone back as the ship teetered and span its way through dimensions. Kaplan was thrown around a few times before getting sucked out the broken window. Their eyes locked with Azura's one final time as they began plummeting through the sky, the ground rising up at them so very fast. Kaplan didn't want to die, they really didn't want to die, but still a wave of calm washed over them. Maybe it was denial, or maybe some semblance of acceptance, but in that moment they knew they were going to die and nothing could stop that. But before they crashed a burst of energy surrounded them, vibrating and purple and almost warm, and it stopped them from becoming a pancake on the beach. All Kaplan saw was the purple light, and then darkness. 
==== New Enemies, New Friends ====
When Kaplan awoke, Lae'zel was missing from the beach, but they, Azura, and Shadowheart were fine, each of them strewn about in the sand unscathed. Shadowheart said that at least they seemed to be on the Sword Coast, but anywhere was better than the Hells. There was nothing to do but explore and try to get their bearings. As they navigated around and through pieces of burning Nautiloid, a pale man jumped out of the bushes and tackled Azura to the ground, pressing a knife to his throat. Kaplan was ready to kill the attacker for that transgression alone, but Azura (or rather his parasite) deescalated the situation by letting their parasites connect. They learned the man's name, Astarion, and that he was also a victim of the Mindflayers. He offered to join their party because clearly they all had similar goals in mind, and "you seem like useful people to know." 
Kaplan couldn't help but feel anxious over their circle getting bigger. Just because they were all in the same boat didn't make them friends. It didn't automatically mean trust. In their experience, more moving parts only led to more problems, which is why their scams only ever included who was most necessary. This worry was further fostered when they found Gale coming out of a portal near some overgrown ruins, and then again when choosing to save Lae'zel from some nasty tieflings that had taken her hostage. They had her perched in a cage and planned to kill her, and it took some liberties with the truth from Kaplan to get her out of that mess. Shadowheart and Azura were fine leaving her to her fate, but she helped them escape the ship and Kaplan wasn't going to forget that, even if she was standoffish and fucking rude. 
After establishing a campsite on a nearby shore, the six of them sat down that night and went over their entire situation for the first time. The Mindflayers had taken most of them from Baldur's Gate and infected each one with a parasite. They only had a week at most before they were transformed into illithids themselves, everyone in the world knew that, so their situation seemed hopeless. Still, with nothing to lose they all decided to stay together and try finding a way to remove their parasites. A quest unlikely to succeed, but they had to try. 
Some time after going to sleep Kaplan awoke to Astarion hovering over them. He backed up immediately, but it was too late, he'd been caught. Kaplan held up their staff, ready to kill him, but he begged Kaplan just to hear him out... so they did. He explained that he was a vampire and he'd been drinking animal blood ever since escaping the Nautiloid, but human is so much better and he just couldn't resist taking a nibble. It made him stronger too, which he pointed out was better for the group as a whole, so really what he was doing was for everyone's benefit! Kaplan asked how a vampire was able to walk around in the daylight and he said he had no idea, it must be influence for his parasite. Kaplan hadn't forgotten how they'd met, how Astarion had threatened Azura, but they were trying hard not to let that affect their judgement. Astation had only ever been chill since that point, so maybe... then they remembered coming across a cow drained of all it's blood just a few hours before, left dead on the side of a road. Kaplan put two and two together and realized Astarion wasn't lying, he really had been feeding on animals. Sighing, Kaplan agreed to let Astarion drink from them. "To benefit the group," they said, still hesitant but willing to give it a try. They'd also be lying if they said the thought of an attractive man (undead or not) having a go at their neck wasn't extremely enticing. The following bite felt... great. There was barely any pain as his teeth sunk into Kaplan's neck. They let it go on and on and on and on, more and more flood being drunken... they were completely lost in it, right up until their heart stopped. Kaplan died in that moment. If it wasn't for Azura waking up from the moans Kaplan was making and reviving them with a resurrection scroll, they would've stayed that way. 
Despite dying, Kaplan thought back on the experience fondly. They did tell Astarion off for doing it (apparently Kaplan was his first time drinking human blood in so long that he lost control, and maybe a healthier person would've said that's no excuse but Kaplan found it kind of romantic), but ultimately decided to keep what happened a secret from the rest of the group. Not his vampirism, that everyone had a right to know, but the circumstances around how they found out? That'd die (again) with Kaplan and Azura. 
==== Historian Heart ====
A battle isn't something the group thought they'd walk into, but that's exactly what happened. A human man named Wyll was fighting a goblin horde gathered outside an ivy-covered gate, and before Kaplan could say they should leave flaming arrows were being pelted at them by the raging goblins. The ensuing fight thankfully went quick and after recruiting Wyll to their cause (Kaplan resigned themselves to their fate at that point, they'd be surprised if they ever met someone without a parasite), were let through the gate into a beautiful druid Grove. Apparently Wyll was a monster hunter on a mission chasing demons, but Kaplan figured they'd just gloss over whatever that meant for convenience. Azura was also very taken with their new addition, twirling his hair and giving him lust eyes. Kaplan didn't really see the appeal but to each their own. 
Emerald Grove was so close to the crash site that there's no way they didn't feel it when it landed, and Kaplan wondered what the people here thought happened. They quickly got lost in the sheer beauty of the Grove. It's expansive greenery growing alongside an ancient temple spoke to their historian heart. They wanted to learn all about the history of the place, but the situation escalated too quickly for them to get their wish. In the center of the Grove druids were chanting, gathering magic for some kind of ritual. A sealing spell, they learned from a tiefling refugee named Zevlor, that would encase the entire Grove in vines to seal it from the outside world. It would protect everyone inside from the goblin forces, no one in and no one out, but the refugees were being threatened by the druids to leave in the next couple days before then. They'd been displaced ever since the descent of Elturel, and if they left the Grove they'd be killed by goblins before even reaching the forest. The druids de facto leader would hear none of it. An archdruid named Halsin usually leads the Grove, but he'd been captured by goblins days prior and hadn't been seen since. It also happened that he was a master healer with a special interest in illithid parasites, and could very well be the solution to their ceremorphosis problem... but not if the Grove sealed itself off before they could find him. 
They agreed to meet with the Grove's temporary leader to buy time, and on the way met a lot of interesting characters. There was an elderly human trader named Ethel, who was sweet as pie and as cute to boot, and Kaplan did not trust her one bit. Azura fawned over her like she was his own grandmother, but Kaplan wanted to poke her with a stick to see what'd happen. Maybe it's because Kaplan is so great a liar that game recognizes game when it sees it. Two children tried to pickpocket Kaplan but that literally being Kaplan's job they caught them out, which led to their leader Mol and her kiddie crime ring. She wanted them to steal the Idol of Silvanus from the druids as revenge for their cruelty, and Azura's eyes immediately lit up. Kaplan was the naysayer, wanting to hold off until they found out more about the situation, but Azura being Azura only saw an opportunity to be a thieving little whore. There were tieflings all around the Grove packing up boxes and preparing for war, and a sage named Volo that wanted to join their camp "just because." He was funny so Kaplan said "Sure, why not? Everyone else is." 
When they found the druid leader, Kagha, she was about to execute a tiefling child. Azura managed to talk her down, but that was all the ground she was willing to give. She flat out refused to stop the ritual when they asked and reaffirmed her hatred for the tiefling race. Sensing the shifting tension in the room, Kaplan applauded Kagha for her actions and that of course they'd convince Zevlor and his kind to leave. This deception gained them full unrestricted access to the Grove and they used it wisely, looking around under the guise of awe. They eventually found Nettie, a healer who worked under Halsin, and told her everything. She was ready to kill them when she learned of their parasites, but her scientific curiosity won out and she examined them instead, ultimately deciding to give them a poison strong enough to kill them should they feel the symptoms come on in any way. Kaplan took offense to this despite it being a reasonable ask, and decided they wouldn't use her stupid poison no matter how bad things got. 
On their way out they found a chest in Kagha's room that contained a secret letter confirming further correspondence at a nearby swamp. No one in the squad knew where that swamp was and they couldn't just ask. Suddenly Kaplan wished they'd spent more time outside Baldur's Gate in the last century because their knowledge of the Sword Coast had become abysmal. 
==== The Cult of the Absolute ====
The druids had a goblin named Sazza locked away in a cave cell near the back of the Grove, where some tieflings were threatening to kill it. Kaplan felt pity for her despite her being a raging bitch that recently tried to raid the place, but after seeing how ruthless everyone in this Grove was being they decided to let the goblin go free, picking the lock on her cage. It wasn't a popular decision among the group but Kaplan didn't care, and ultimately it was for the best because Sazza turned out to be a loud mouth. She talked a lot about her god, the Absolute, and how it was rising goblin kind to new heights. Her fanatic devotion to this Absolute made everyone uneasy, especially as she painted a better picture into what her cult was like, but it was good to know what cause the goblins were fighting for. It'd make infiltrating them a lot easier. 
When Kaplan said as much, everyone started bickering. Some, like Kaplan and Azura, wanted to go save Halsin from the goblin camp. It seemed like the best lead on finding a cure. Others were very vocal about that being a stupid idea that would most likely get them killed, but they countered with "we'll die anyway in a few days." More points were made on both sides but the arguments were circular and only ended when the group stumbled upon three people hidden in the trees outside the Grove. 
Edowin was bleeding out, Andrick and Brynna desperately tending to his wounds. The second Edowin spotted the group, all of their parasites connected in a flurry of chatter and memories. He'd also been infected. Edowin proclaimed that other "True Souls" have arrived to replace him, and that Andrick and Brynna should follow them after he dies. Kaplan pretended to know what the guy was talking about, finding that strategy worked well in the Grove so why not again? They revealed they'd been tasked by their god, the Absolute, to find a band of fugitives that escaped on a Nautiloid, but were attacked by an owlbear while searching the forest. Kaplan wanted to ask them what a True Soul was and how the illithid were connected to this cult, but couldn't risk blowing their cover. Once Edowin died Azura commanded the two to continue their search far, far away from here, and the two happily took to their new orders and scuttled off, not once suspecting they had just spoken to the very people they were meant to capture. 
Kaplan and Azura reasserted to the group their intention to go to the goblin camp, but this time they posed it as an absolute that was happening and they could join and help, or fuck off. The way everyone fell into line with their decision made Kaplan realize they and Azura were the leaders of this merry band of fuckers. It could've been everyone being spooked by a cults involvement in their plight, but Kaplan (as they always did) was happy to assume the moniker of main character. 
==== A Conspiracy of Shadows ====
The plan was to head west toward the goblin camp, which they learned was inside a ruined Selûnite outpost called the Shattered Sanctum. They were approaching the town Moonhaven that laid just before the Sanctum, but something off the path caught their eye instead. A woman, swearing loudly as flames sparked off her skin. Azura, always enthralled by fire, walked over to see what her deal was when Wyll started freaking out. Apparently this woman was the demon he was hunting and now that we'd found her he was going to kill her where she stood. Azura managed to talk him down by pointing out this woman was clearly a tiefling and told Wyll to chill out and use his brain. Why would a demon be wandering the Sword Coast? She - Karlach - stated she was an unwilling soldier in Zariel's army and that finally she's free and never plans on going back. She'd rather die. In that moment all of their parasites connect and her memories fill their minds. Wyll had no choice but to relent, having seen the truth, and Karlach officially joined Team Parasite, but not before helping her defeat Anders, an agent of Zariel sent to recapture her. 
Moonhaven was overrun by goblins, which everyone considered a problem except Kaplan, who was sure they could play a "True Soul" again to con their way inside. Maybe even use that to get more information on the cult. However, while camped outside the town wall, they heard some voices discussing a swamp to the south. This was exactly what they needed to hear and Kaplan couldn't believe their luck, so the squad made their south until they reached a beautiful valley with long grass, happy animals, and sunlight spilling everywhere. There wasn't a swamp in sight, but it only took a few steps for them to pass through the glamour. The beautiful valley slowly faded away, revealing a grotesque and grey swamp. Someone had wanted to hide this place, and Kaplan wondered if Kagha was powerful enough to shield the entire swamp. But why would she? As extra security for whatever she was planning?
The note from the Grove mentioned a large tree at the center of the swamp and it wasn't hard to find. What was hard was the ensuing battle against a clan of Redcaps that were protecting the area. How far did Kagha's defenses go? At the base of the tree sat a chest containing letters between Kagha and a sect of Shadow Druids, who wanted to use the Rite of Thorns to seal the Grove and take it over. The note was (hopefully) all the evidence they'd need to convince the other druids to abandon Kagha's schemes.
The confrontation with Kagha was intense. The squad burst into the room she was holed up and told her she needed to stop what she was doing, and she obviously refused. The room was ready to fight against them but when they revealed the letters to Halsin's second-in-command Rath, the mood quickly changed. The Shadow Druids, who had been hiding in the grove disguised as rats, finally revealed themselves and all hell broke loose. During the fighting Kaplan ended up fighting against Kagha herself, and between blows they managed to shake Kagha's faith in the Shadow Druids. She only wanted to protect the Grove but going about it like this wasn't going to save it, it was going to destroy it, and the lengths this path has driven her to isn't what she really wants. At her core she's a druid, a servant of nature and Silvanus, and neither would want everyone here to die. She was better than this. Tears forming in her eyes, the illusion shattered and she was overwhelmed by what she had done. She was willing to kill a child over this at one point, and she really thought she was okay with that. Kagha said she couldn't be forgiven for what she'd set in motion, for letting the Shadow Druids poison her mind with their whispers of power and security, but fighting against them was the least she could do. Kaplan said it was a solid start, and Kagha rejoined the side of good to destroy the Shadow Druids. With them gone she called off the Rite of Thorns and decreed the Grove would remain open to all until Halsin was hopefully saved.
Zevlor and the other tieflings thanked them for their help and now that they didn't have to worry about leaving unprepared, together everyone in the Grove could finally focus on the true enemy: the goblins.
==== True Souls ====
They found an old "friend" in Moonhaven, the goblin Sazza. She was being harassed by a few other goblins and quickly ran up to the squad for help. Azura asked why they should and she said she'd introduce them to a priestess back at the goblin camp, a True Soul named Gut. To Sazza this offer was clearly a great honor, and since Kaplan was already pretending to be a True Soul they quickly agreed. Anything to help them get inside the goblin camp without a fuss. Kaplan realized from further conversation that they weren't pretending to be a True Soul, they were one. Anyone with an illithid parasite got this moniker from the cult. It also became clear that the True Souls weren't transforming into Mindflayers and were existing long passed their expected expiration date. Kaplan couldn't enjoy the news, though, because with every revelation their situation got more dire and convoluted. For someone that always acted like they were the main character in life they found actually being one... terrifying. They missed how life was just a few days prior, same as it had been for a century, bumming around Baldur's Gate playing music and stealing things. But at least they had more than a few days added to their lifespan. No tentacles for them! Yet, anyway.
Together they escorted Sazza from Moonhaven across the river to the Shattered Sanctum, using their True Soul status to gain entry. The goblins were celebrating their horrific exploits by having a party in the courtyard, dancing and singing and laughing and drinking. If it weren't a celebration of murdering innocents Kaplan would've considered having a quick dance or play a short song. Instead they let Sazza bring them inside the Sanctum and introduce them to Priestess Gut. She was a vile little thing who'd clearly drank the Kool-Aid, but she offered to brand the group with the Absolute's symbol, declaring them a True Soul to all in the cult. No one wanted to do it but Kaplan went ahead anyway, letting the parasite-ridden goblin to magically brand their hand. When held up it floated above their palm for all to see. After Azura asked what Kaplan was thinking, but they replied that it could open doors for them they'd otherwise have to fight through, and a magical brand that only appeared as will wasn't going to hinder their life in any meaningful way. Assuming they got out of this entire mess unscathed.
The next step on Sazza's tour was introducing the group to a drow named Minthara. She was a leader within the cult and, because of the brand, assumed they were on her side. Kaplan gave Azura a small smile because they were riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Minthara revealed her plan to take an army to destroy the Emerald Grove, and Kaplan encouraged her to do this "for the Absolute!" They knew Minthara was going to do it anyway, so why not buy some good will first? Minthara said she'd set out ahead with her forces and meet them at the Grove to take it over. She relished in the thought of slaughtering everyone there and bathing in their blood. If she wasn't evil Kaplan would've thought she was so cool. They also learned about the existence of a man named Ketheric Thorm, who was waiting at Moonrise Towers for her status report. She really, desperately wanted to please him, and Kaplan wondered what kind of person would be capable of hanging out there. Those towers were in the middle of the Shadow-Cursed Lands.
After she'd gone Kaplan and Azura stumbled upon a prisoner named Liam who was tied to a torture device. He pleaded for freedom, but Kaplan made him answer some questions first. Liam had been in the group escorting Halsin when they were taken prisoner by the cult. Halsin was looking for information on illithids and Liam's group was looking for something called the Nightsong. They'd been hired by a sorcerer named Lorroakan to find it and it led to their capture here. A goblin walked by then so Kaplan had to whip and prod Liam with a hot poker to maintain their cover, something they whispered desperate apologies for. They freed him and after Kaplan had a nice whipping session with that hot guy<3
Back in the courtyard, as Kaplan and Azura looked around at the celebrating goblins, they decided fuck it. Kaplan slipped a vile of poison into the gobins drink pot and watched as they all choked on their own vomit and died. It was gruesome and maybe even cruel, but these goblins would've raped and pillaged the countryside had they been left alone. With that done they went back into the Sanctum and slaughtered Priestess Gut and all her minions, which was surprisingly easy because most troops set out with Minthara. With her and the other goblin lords dead, Azura had free reign to loot the entire castle, and loot it he did. He weaved through every room and took everything of value he could find, and that's how they found a secret passage to the Underdark beneath the Sanctum, back from when it was a Selûnite temple. They also found and freed Halsin from the castle prison, but didn't realize it was him at first because he was in his bear shape form. He thanked them for saving him and they told him what had played out at the Grove. He was frustrated but said he'd meet them back there after he finished a few things. After all he hadn't crossed the coast and get captured just to not try to find what he'd set out for. Azura was still smitten with Wyll which Kaplan found interesting because they would've thought Halsin and his big beefy body was exactly Azura's type, but oh well.
==== Save the Grove ====
Minthara and her army was travelling to the Grove by land, so the group decided to teleport there and beat her. It gave them that entire night to prepare for battle with the druids and the tieflings, and by morning everyone was ready for the fight. They squad spread themselves out along the top wall of the Grove's entrance, above the gate, and steeled themselves. Minthara connected with Kaplan through their parasites and commanded they open the gate, still thinking they were on the same side, but Kaplan just smiled and flipped her off. She vowed they'd regret going against the Absolute and the fighting began.
It was a long battle and a few tieflings died along the way, but in the end good won out and the goblin forces were decimated. Minthara drew her blade and hopped into the fray, ready to take the Grove down by herself. She was a very skilled fighter but she'd overestimated her own abilities, falling to the might of the squad. But she put up a good fight, and in the end lost only because she got knocked out by a stray blow that happened to hit her head. It was actually quite embarrassing for her, only furthered when Kaplan and Azura stole her clothes (they were really nice clothes) and left her naked and unconscious on the ground outside the ivy gate.
They didn't like revealing to so many people about their parasitic secret, but Halsin was next up regardless. He showed up at the Grove after the battle (what a big help) and explained to the party that he didn't have the power to remove their parasites. He did share all he did know, though, so that was nice. He then asked what their plans were and having drawn a bust thus far, Azura pitched the idea of maybe going to the Shadow-Cursed Lands to find out more about Ketheric Thorm. After all he seemed like a huge deal in the cult that even a high ranker like Minthara worshipped him. Halsin immediately got excited and said if they planned to go there he'd go with them because he had business in those lands, although he wouldn't elaborate what. Kaplan, recognizing Halsin's manly beauty when others at that time did not, agreed to let him join their camp. Having more eye candy was never a bad thing.
==== Not In This Century or the Next ====
That night everyone from the Grove (except Kagha who was repenting in solitude, apparently) celebrated their victory back at camp. Azura was already drunk and grinding up on several different tieflings while Volo played the flute, and while Kaplan also had a few drinks they were happy coasting right along the line between tipsy and trashed. Their mind had already been altered enough with Mindflayer parasite powers.
They talked to Shadowheart, who seemed lonely but content enough with being at her own tent. She didn't strike Kaplan as the partying type anyway. Lae'zel was eyeing Wyll up with lust in her eyes before he wandered off toward the lake, clearly lost in his own thoughts. Karlach was also dancing but unlike Azura she wasn't thrusting it about for everyone to see. Probably because, as she'd revealed earlier that night, she couldn't touch someone without them burning. Her body ran extremely hot due to an engine placed where her heart she should, Zariel's twisted way of turning her into an even stronger weapon. Because of it Karlach was always hot and horny, and Kaplan felt for her. A life without fucking is not a happy life.
They chatted with Halsin a bit, who seemed happy to be there but anxious to press on. Whatever he had to do in the Shadow-Cursed Lands had a tight grip on him. Testing the waters Kaplan flirted with him, trying to gauge where his interests lie. He was pleasant enough about the come on but Kaplan clocked the druid's eyes flickering over in Azura's direction one too many times to mean nothing. Making a mental note of that for later they moved on, eventually crossing paths with Astarion. He was sipping wine all on his lonesome and expressed feeling weird over being treated as a hero. "You better get used to it," Kaplan said with a smile which caused the vampire to roll his eyes. "Not in this century or the next." 
It was the first night of the rest of their lives. 
At next light we were to set out for the swamp but first the tiefling party at camp happened. Azura kissed Wyll by the lake and I had sex with Astarion
==== In Lathander's Light ====
ALEXX STOLE THE IDOL
the swamp we found the evidence against Karga, her communicating with the shadow druids, but before going back we saw Ethel's house and decided to say hi and she was EVIL AND TRIED TO GET HER MINIONS TO KILL US
I killed that vampire hunter pretty sure before Ethel sooooo. After that we went and dealt with that old cunt once and for all but we left her alive for the reward and used her wand to bring that woman's husband back as a zombie. We then explored upper parts of the map like Waukeens Rest and met the black market people. Githyanki dragon scene. Moved onto the mountain pass where we met Esther and went onto the monastery and the creche which was dramatic (Orpheus story? The dead student) and we had to confront the queen bitch and we went inside the artifact and met our Guardians. We then fought our way out of the creche and stole the egg on the way. Azura's change of heart where we steal it back.
==== Underdark ====
To the Underdark! Through the temple of Selune. Arcane tower, and then we murdered those Drow bitches. We found the mushroom ppl colony and told them o ya we killed them already dw and had to show that other Supreme the bodies (bc he wanted revenge for his colony dying) where he then told us he wanted to kill Pretty Colorful Mushroom Supreme and were like nah and killed him too. We had to deal with the Grymforge to and all the nonsense there like Nere and Grym and shit. I made adamantine armor yay. Got a statuette of Shar for Shart. Shadowlands next.
=== Act 2 ===
==== Somewhere Altogether Darker ====
Fight shadow monsters immediately upon entering. Found Last Light not long after and Jaheira💚 we rejoiced with ppl we recognized from the Grove and joined the harpers on an ambush against a big spider man so we could steal his light and free the pixie. From there we explored a lot and found the house of healing and the tollhouse and that corrupted bar place with the fat man and the Gauntlet of Shar. Also mention the three trials and the umbral gems, all to get the nightsong
found Arabella alone, and then later her parents dead in the infirmary. we then confronted that surgeon and I convinced him to end his followers and then himself. after we went through the toll collector and then to the temple of Shar where we were confronted by Raphael wanting us to kill his old enemy. Astarion wanted info about his scars so we promised to kill the enemy for information. inside the temple we had to fight skeleton armor men which led us to Balthazar, throms second in command that's looking for the nightsong. Tells us about the three trials which we go and do (write specifically about the clone one). Killed Balthazar in a surprise betrayal. after using the umbral gems to approach shadowfell we decided to go to moonrise instead, stopping at the inn otw and helping Halsin wake that guy up and fight to protect the portal. then we went to moonrise and I stood up for astarion against ajax. after saving sazza and meeting throm we went to camp for the night and there astarion told me he only fucked me to manipulate me (duh) but that he developed feelings and that's where we left it :0 he held my hand!!!!
==== Old Enemies, Unlikely Friends ====
Last night: we freed Minthara from moonrise towers by manipulating the guards. We then looted the place lol and freed the dwarves and tieflings from the prison. We then went around finishing side quests like Halsin/Oliver and Rolan and other small battles. Got Karlach fixed up. Githyanki ambushed us probs sent by their queen.
I asked Astarion what we were and he gave me a vague answer so during the romance scene with Gale maybe we fucked around (tba) but in the morning me and gale decided to be friends and I kissed Astarion ❤️ we ended by getting the last Orpheus tablet thing
getting shar's blade
defeated balthazar
return to the Grove
reunite barcus/wulbren (prick) and invite b to camp
==== The Nightsong ====
shadowfell and the nightsong/we convinced shadowheart to be chill
==== Battle for Moonrise Towers ====
battle of moonrise
illithid underground, freeing mizora and Zevlor 
we defeated kethric! isobel is a lesbian<3 fought the vine monsters lol really? we rested and proceeded down the risen road to bg and at temporary camp we were AMBUSHED by Githyanki and forced inside a prism portal where our guardian is revealed to be a fucking mindflayer and he almost convinced us to evolve our parasite but we resisted bc were strong-willed bitchhhhh also Orpheus is the source of the protection against the illithid Minthara is also gone maybe I can write a side arc about her if she doesn't return
=== Act 3 ===
==== A Day at the Circus ====
White hair shart
Immediately dealt with a house dispute
Circus!!!! We explored around and Azura got a statue of himself naked and I did the love test that was actually Orin in disguise shocking and then I kissed Astarion lol and then we did the clown fight he ambushed Azura
robbed the circus
temple murder mystery
earthquakes???
orin AGAIN and under the temple fight
fighting the fucking necklace dude
the guild boat fight
wulbren being a piece of shit
bombs in toys and strange ox
==== Home Again ====
snuck into bg
brothel where i refused the drow twins but azura took him up on it and fuckedddd and then raphael
i killed someone in the flophouse and also serial killer arc but also VAMPIRES 
harper and so many doppelgangers arc
threatened by vlakith
the emperor wants to fuck us
gortash's sham coronation
orin kidnaps lae'zel (playing both sides)
==== Everybody Wants to Fuck Us ====
sewer grease fight
looted sorcerer's sundries vault
told gale crown bad idea, elminster cunt tho so now i'm down
mizora's ultimatum
we fucked a mindflayer<3
balduran puzzles
giant dragon fight / balduran
helping dame aelin kill that sorcerer bitch
the araj shitshow
we burned gortash's family alive<3
==== Nine Finger Death Punch ====
9 fingers
minsc is fucking a jaheira clone under the bank/the fight
wyll is a monogamous bitch and forced azura's hand (you did the right thing)
the daddy minsc saga
we stabbed the black market in the back and sided with the guild
jaheira's super secret sex basement
==== Sins of the Past ====
"Kaboom" Katherine Pierce, from the hit TV show The Vamprie Diaries, season 3 episode 9 'Homecoming'
i killed a bystander in a battle against evil fish ppl and somehow I'M the bad guy
not one, not two, but THREE serial killers (does it count if they're all the same guy?)
(continued) the battle of blood and fashion (dolor/shapeshifters vs. the cunty squad)
we killed orin's grandpappy<3 in the bhaal tribunal
graverobbing!
==== Hope is a Dangerous Thing ====
the house of hope
saving volo from his mess
the cunty squad vs. cruella de vil (house of grief)
==== Cleverclogs ====
started the hag quest
auntie ethel: conclusion
lady janneths house of bugs, ghosts, and being a fucking cunt
the start of the necromancy shit, carrion
thrumbo and the end of mystic carrion
dribbles body
i fought the entire carnival on it's last day
==== Fucked Around and Found Out ====
we found the water temple and started that underwater quest thing that'll lead to the iron throne
we fucked around and found out at the foundry, including the awful basement
the iron throne, wyll and azura almost died
we staged a coup with barcus and then murdered wulbren bc he was a cunt<3
==== Burn, Bottom, Burn ====
stole the orphic hammer from house of hope and killed raphael :)
gale talked to mystra and she revealed the orb is a karsus artifact
==== Kaplan or Astarion or Cazador or Azura ====
I know what this is
fighting our way through wyrm's rock and the iron fist
==== I Made the Gods Mad at Me ====
we kicked gortash's ass and karlach had an emotional breakdown it was a really rough watch actually
i made the gods mad at me / the cunty squad vs an angel, bc there are angels now i guess
astarion fucked me raw on his grave
==== Endgame ====
we got in the skiff at the rat cave thing by the bhaal temple and said into the darkness... a glowing light forced a stallatite???? to crash through our boat and force us into the river. we were then confronted by the elder brain itself, who tried to destroy us. the brain shook the earth and chanted loudly in our minds. 
you pawn thrall puppet
anomaly erase remove extinguish
hunt chase devour
more more more
we fought a lot of little brains. 
thrall freed break control
we walked down to the soup where the elder brain rose up like a cunty brain i guess and was like threats, evil, die. the netherstones actually really cunty and surrounded alexx with their cuntiness. and then the elder brain was like stop being so cunty and alexx was like no bitch. alexx used the netherstones to dominate the brain with psychic encouragement from the emperor. the brain revealed this was all apart of its plan, literally all of it and we've been pawns. it was impossible to dominate the brain.
The emperor came just in time to save us by pulling is into the astral plane. After the new netherbrain started invading the upper city. The emperor says he wants to assimilate Orpheus by eating his brain and absorbing his powers. Laezel is totally not okay with that and threatens all of us and have to try and convince her to be chill. It was a hard choice but we made the decision to give him the stones and let him eat Orpheus and Laezel was mad but stayed. We then went to the upper city which was under siege.
Everyone our allies has gathered in the watch citadel and there was a dramatic final speech from everyone we recruited. And then we went to fight the brain. We convinced the fleeing steel watch to join us in the fight and we stormed the high hall courtyard.
=== Epilogue ===
==== TBA (6 Months Later) ====
TBA
==== How Bright the Moon (Onward) ====
TBA / Not in this century or the next
== Powers and Abilities ==
Kaplan's ability scores were:
* Strength: 23
* Dexterity: 15
* Constitution: 19
* Intelligence: 17
* Wisdom: 12
* Charisma: 19
== Trivia ==
TBA