Late for the Mall/transcript

Next Episode: Bummer Jobs (Rewrite)
== Transcript ==
Episode Aired: July 10, 2021
Episode Copyrighted: 2021
This episode is rated TV-Y7 for The Expect Smart Actually: The Patrick Star and Leni Loud Show Season 1. This is the first episode of The Expect Smart Actually: The Patrick Star and Leni Loud Show.
The episode begins with Squidward and Lori delivering mail then gets chased by a dog and a worm, and then a zoom in into Patrick's room.
Patrick is snoring, then a camera zooms out and rotates around to show his whole room.
Some instruments are playing by themselves and then the bottom of the violin breaks off and wakes up Ouchy.
Ouchy the Urchin: *screams, then jumps out of bed and lands on Patrick's forehead, waking him up*
Patrick Star: *screams and falls out of bed on Franky's bed*
Franky the Spider: *screams, then jumps out of bed and lands on Leni's face*
Leni Loud: *screams* Spider!
Patrick Star: *groans* The best way out of bed is an urchin on your head.
Leni Loud: Get it off, get it off, get it off!
Patrick Star: *takes the urchin off leaving holes in my head, which make flute sounds to the melody of the ending of SpongeBob's theme song* Ah! Who's the best pet urchin in the whole world? You are, Ouchy! Give us a kiss! *kisses Ouchy, which makes thorns on his lips*
Leni Loud: Oh, hey Franky! Give us a kiss! *kisses Franky*
Franky the Spider: *bites Leni's lips*
Leni Loud: Ow.
Patrick Star: Ouch.
Gross close up of Patrick's lips with the thorns is shown girly high pitch long scream.
Patrick Star: Love hurts.
Leni Loud: Ew. *puts Franky down*
Patrick Star: *puts Ouchy down*
Patrick Star: Well, off you go, little man.
Franky the Spider: *crawls to the door leaving*
Leni Loud: But, Franky bit my lips.
Patrick Star: Franky? She left my room.
Leni Loud: Totes! The mall!
Patrick Star and Leni Loud: *giggles*
Patrick Star: *rolls to the dresser with my toothbrush* Of course, you have to remember to brush every morning.
However, instead of it being a toothbrush, he brushes his eyes!
Patrick Star: Keeping my eyes minty fresh!
Then, when they're done, they get a cherry out of his nose and give it to Ouchie and Frankie, who's reading a book.
Patrick Star and Leni Loud: *laughs*
Leni Loud: Gross.
His watch then makes a raspberry, which reminds them about something.
Patrick Star: Uh-oh! It's almost time for our show! We'd better get Squidina and Parker.
After he opens his door, a knight charges toward the camera, forcing Patrick to quickly shut the door.
Leni Loud Whoops. Sorry. Wrong door.
Patrick Star: Now where was that door? Hmmm…
Patrick Star and Leni Loud: *realizes*
Leni Loud: There it is!
Parker J. Cloud: Hey guys!
Primula the Robot: *sweeps the floor* Hello!
Leni's friends are walking to Patrick and Leni. Leni's friends' names are Fiona, Miguel, Jackie and Mandee.
Fiona from The Loud House: Morning!
Jackie from The Loud House: Hey Patrick and Leni!
Miguel from The Loud House: How's it going?!
Leni Loud: We're doing good!
Mandee from The Loud House: Okay, let's see Squidina.
Patrick Star and Leni Loud: Okay!
Squidina Star: Where are you going? *drags Patrick and Leni* Show is this way! *puts Patrick and Leni behind the curtain* Knock 'em dead, bro and girlfriend! *adjusts microphone* And now, it's The Patrick and Leni Show with your host, Patrick Star and Leni Loud! *rolls up curtain*
Ouchie the Urchin: Arf! Arf-arf! Arf!
Franky the Spider: *reads at spider web*
Patrick Star: *winks at Ouchie* Ohhh... *hits a toilet, slides down, and falls into a tiki head* can't do anything 'cause I know nothing. Lack of experience never stopped me! *hits the glass screen and starts making a snow angel* I got a TV show, though I'm just bluffing. Make believe you're watching and I know you'll agree!
R.A. PennyPincher: Doo-doo-do-doodoo... Huh? *looks at the glass screen, which shows Patrick's backside* *disgusted* Agh! Ugg! *runs away*
Patrick Star: *continues singing* The Patrick and Leni Show is all our imagination, *hits a big Patrick head* because my head is empty, I can fill it with cheese!
Cheese explodes all over the screen.
Leni Loud: *sings* I go to the mall with my friends.
Patrick Star: *continues singing* Ice cream with syrup, and marbles and bloopers. There's one thing I can't find, and that is our... keys?!
Camera zooms in, to reveal a shocked Patrick and Leni with their keys in their mouths.
Squidina Star: Hey, Patrick! Hey Leni! What's today's show gonna be about?
Patrick Star: *stomach growls* I don't know. I'm hungry.
Leni Loud: I want to go to the mall.
Squidina Star: We'll be right back with Patrick Star and Leni Loud and "I'm Hungry", right after these words. *puts a VHS tape into a TV, which airs a Chum Bucket ad*
Choir Singers: Chum, chum, chum
Plankton: Chum. It's versatile. You can spread it on toast. Hah-hah! *spreads it on the toast, but it turns into chum itself* Aw. It also keeps you warm on frosty winter nights. *uses the chum as a blanket* Mmm, cozy. The smell keeps out the cold.
But the smell makes Plankton throw up. The scene changes to the Chum Bucket dining room, but the customers are actually cardboard cut-outs.
Plankton: Here at the Chum Bucket, chum comes in three delicious varieties. Moist, soggy, and pumpkin spice.
Choir Singers: Chum Bucket, where chum is your chum! Master Lox's Lair, where inator is your inator.
Lord Master Lox: Alright, buy inators for $19.99. We'll be back at the Chum Bucket.
Choir Singers: Chum Bucket, where chum is your chum! Master Lox's Lair, where inator is your inator.
Patrick Star: *stomach grumbles again* That reminds me: Breakfast! *walks over to the door*
Leni Loud: Mall, that's it.
Patrick Star: In this family, you gotta be fast or the food's all gone. Let's go backstage.
When the door opens, it starts sucking everything in Patrick and Leni's room inside, before they manage to close the door.
Leni Loud: Dang it, wrong door again?!
Patrick Star: *gets angry, shakes the door, which opens due to it being too dizzy* Hmph.
The scene changes to the kitchen, where Patrick and Leni are coming in for a yummy pancake breakfast on a zip-line.
Patrick Star: Leedle-leedle-leedle-leedle-leedle! *falls and hits his head on the floor* Morning, Mom. *kisses*
Bunny Star: *laughs*
Leni Loud: Good morning, Mom.
Leni's Mom: Hey, Patrick and Leni.
Patrick Star: Good morning, Dad. *shares a head shock with Cecil*
Patrick, Cecil Star and Leni Loud: Oh. *laughs*
Leni Loud: Hi Dad.
Leni's Dad: Good morning, children.
GrandPat: Ugh. Huh?
Patrick Star: Mom, Dad, who's this guy?
Bunny Star: I have no idea. Do you, Cecil?
Cecil Star: So you can see him too, Bunny? Huh, I thought I was the only one.
GrandPat: I'm your grandfather, GrandPat! Must we do this every morning?!
GrandLen Loud: And I'm your grandmother, GrandLen! I'm old! Must we sleep for breakfast?!
Leni Loud: Grandma?!
Patrick Star: *whispers to Bunny and Cecil* Just play along. He could be dangerous.
Slide transition cuts show Tina and Todd playing badminton in Blueberg, and Parker delivers the mail to him. 
Parker the Raincloud: *package in my hand* Special delivery from the Middlemost Post!
Shuttlecock: *flies away*
Todd from Middlemost Post: *sadly* Oh, That was my last shuttlecock.
Parker the Raincloud: *turns into a shuttlecock* No worries, I got ya!
Tina from Middlemost Post: *plays with him*
Parker the Raincloud: Woohuhho! That tickles! Those lessons are really paying off Tina! Nice backstroke, Todd!
Angus Shackleton: Tick-tock, Parker. *shows the time*
Parker the Raincloud: Sorry, duty calls! *turns back normal*
Patrick Star and Leni Loud: Hey Parker!
Parker the Raincloud: Hey Leni! Hey Patrick!
The gang is seen walking through Orangefield, where they reach a mail vault where mail should be delivered.
Angus Shackleton: *opens the door of the mail* Let's get at it!
Russell the Magical Walrus: *spits a huge mountain of mail*
Angus Shackleton, Parker the Raincloud, Leni Loud and Patrick Star: *shoots the mail to each chute*
Angus Shackleton: *accidentally throws Parker in the vault*
Patrick Star, Leni Loud and Parker the Raincloud: Ooh!
Angus Shackleton: Sorry kiddo, I got carried away.
Leni Loud: It's ok, Angus. It's totes a little roomier in here than it looks! *sees a spider, then screams* Spider!
The gang reaches Purpleton, where Russell turns into a mail cannon and Parker a helmet, which Angus uses.
Patrick Star: It's time to bring the mail!
Angus Shackleton: *shoots the mail of Russell to each person*
Leni Loud: Who wants a package! *takes a pair of MMP Rox T-shirts and hands them over* And free T-shirts!
Reggie from Middlemost Post: *wears the T-shirt* Thanks Leni!
Leni Loud: Hey no problem Reggie, Say hello to your mom for me!
Other Reggies from Middlemost Post: *waves* We will, Leni.
Angus Shackleton: *opens my arm-shirt* Oh, that gives me the chicken skin each and every time!
Chicken: *cuckles*
The gang reaches Yellow Springs.
Angus Shackleton: *puts the mail in one of the cactus, and hurts myself* Ow! You dummy Angus!
Squidina Star: Uh-huh.
Leni Loud: Hey, girl.
Patrick Star: Hey, sis. What you up to?
Squidina Star: *puts phone on hold* Well, right now, I'm trying to book an imaginary app for your imaginary TV show.
Leni Loud: Well, how's it going?
Squidina Star: They said their imaginary people are gonna call my imaginary people.
Patrick Star: Hee-hee!
Squidina Star: So, anyway…
Patrick: As they say in France, *puts napkin around neck*, bone applefeet.
But just before he starts, he gets upset because there are no more pancakes.
Cecil Star: All done.
Everybody except Patrick and Leni drops their dishes outside, which causes them all to shatter. The window rolls up.
Cecil Star: *upset* Darn. Looks like I'll be on time for work again.
Bunny Star: Oh, I'm sorry, dear.
To get Cecil to work, the former, Bunny, and Squidina get on GrandPat's motor which backs up slowly, but goes super fast.
Patrick's family and Leni's parents: Woah! Agh!
Leni Loud: Hey, what about my breakfast? Well, I guess I'll just have to break my own fast. *walks to the triangular-door refrigerator and opens it* Ooh!
Then not long after, the knight from earlier starts charging towards the camera, forcing Leni to shut the door again. Then it sounds like the knight destroyed something.
Leni Loud: I totes think the milk went bad.
A few seconds later, he hears some small chewing sounds coming from under the table. Patrick looks under to see a father and mother, daughter, and son of blue fish with spikes on top.
Patrick Star: Hey! It's the Dartfish family!
Daddy Dartfish: Good morning, Patrick. Would you like to join us for our sad and meager breakfast?
Patrick Star: Well, I...
Dartfishes: Aww.
Patrick Star: *changes my mind* No. I guess not.
Daddy Dartfish: All right, then.
Dartfishes: *chows down their food in almost less than a second* Ah.
Daddy Dartfish: Well, we gotta dart.
They all get up and zigzag until they get out of the tablecloth. After a food-filled transition, Leni is searching in the hallway for something to eat.
Leni Loud: Food! Here, foody-food! Hello? Food!
When Leni looks under the carpet, he sees a futuristic mini-city and looks in awe.
Leni Loud: Eww! My mom's gotta vacuum under there more often.
After another food-filled transition, Leni Loud is using a pick-ax on GrandPat's bed, with the latter just coming in.
Leni Loud: Food! Food! I'm late for the mall!
GrandPat Star: Hey?
Leni Loud: Um, GrandPat?
GrandPat Star: Leni, what are you doing in my room?
Leni Loud: I'm looking for food. *stomach growls* I'm starving!
GrandPat Star: Food? Ha, bah, you kids have it easy these days. Back in my day, we were food.
Leni Loud: Ooh. What flavor?
GrandPat Star: Hush, noodle brain.
Leni Loud: Noodles.
GrandPat Star: It was way back in the Patrolithic period of early cave stars.
The scene changes to a flashback of GrandPat and Ancient Patrick in caveman clothes. Their stomachs grumble.
GrandPat Star: *narrates* Automobiles hadn't been invented yet, so there was no way to get to a supermarket.
They see Ancient Plankton and try to turn him into dinner. But instead of being small, he's super big!
GrandPat Star: *narrates* We had to do all our shopping in the wild.
They both grunt while poking Dino Plankton's tail with sticks. This makes him annoyed so he swats the two away with his tail.
GrandPat Star: *narrates* Where the dinosaurs were shopping for US!
GrandPat Star and Ancient Patrick: Oof!
They both land on a rock and respond with groans.
Squidasaurus Rex: Roar!
GrandPat Star: *narrates* It was just a matter of luck as to who would eat who.
GrandPat Star and Ancient Patrick: *screams*
Squidasaurus Rex: *then turns the two into my lunch and sighs happily*
Ancient Patrick: Well, I guess things can't get any worse.
But they do get wore as Squidasaurus Rex plays the clarinet horribly. which responds with the two stars groaning and covering their ears. End of flashback with Leni and GrandPat still groaning.
GrandPat Star: And thus, cave stars provided nutrition for the dinosaurs. And that's why dinosaurs are still with us today.
Leni Loud: *looks out the window to see Squidasaurus Rex chowing down on Squidward* That's weird.
Screen cuts to Patrick.
Patrick Star: That reminds me, I'm hungry.
He thinks for a second and when a light comes above him, he gets an idea.
Patrick Star: Hmm, I know! Leni and I will do a cooking segment on our show, and we’ll make ourselves something to eat! Hup, hup! Hoo!
Leni Loud: *drops through GrandPat's floor to begin The Patrick and Leni Show's newest segment, Cooking with Patrick and Leni* Welcome back to the show. I'm Leni Loud.
Patrick Star: And I'm Patrick Star.
Leni Loud: Now we're going to make a casserole!
Ouchie: Arf! Arf-arf! Arf! Arf!
Frankie the Spider: *crawls*
Patrick Star: Well, let's see. *gets ingredients* We have socks, dirty sneakers, dried leaves, old paperbacks, and used napkins? *looks at Squidina* Hmm..
Squidina Star: Eh, you gotta work with what you got.
Gretel Grant-Gomez: Don't forget the meat.
Patrick Star: *puts the napkins along with the other junk, meat, and throws the trash-erole into the oven* Cook at 1,000 degrees for one second. *Before one millisecond...*
Leni Loud: It's ready!
Patrick, Squidina, Ouchie, Gretel, Leni and Frankie wear fire safety clothes so they won't get burned by the burning heat.
Leni Loud: Okay.
When she gets it out, the trash-erole is completely burnt.
Patrick Star: Ooh.
To see if it's done, Patrick jabs the trash-erole with a spoon. The clock makes a raspberry which tells Squidina something.
Squidina Star: Time to wrap it up!
Gretel Grant-Gomez: You got it, Squidina!
She presses a button that begins the end credits.
Patrick Star: The story, characters, and names portrayed in this production are suspicious, especially mine. No person associated with this show received anything of value, especially me. No person was harmed in the making of this show, except me. Ouch. Thanks for watching.
Then the curtain closes, while Squidina, Ouchie, Leni, Frankie and Gretel praise Patrick and Kevin.
Kevin Grant-Gomez: I’m glad that's over.
Gretel Grant-Gomez: That was amazing! The song, the trash-erole, the hula number with the cast of thousands!
Kevin Grant-Gomez: Hula?
Hamster from Hamster & Gretel: It's called casserole.
Patrick Star: *says hi to the hula dancers* Hi!
Hula Dancers: Hi!
Patrick Star: I don't remember that at all.
Squidina Star: I don't know how you do it.
Patrick Star: I don't know what I do it.
Parker the Raincloud: I bet you worked up an appetite.
Patrick Star: Ooh.
Screen cuts to Angus tears his clothes, ties a band on his head, and puts paint under his eyes.
Angus Shackleton: *strongly* The Middlemost Post from The Patrick and Leni Show delivers the mail without any fail, and no one messes with my little nimbus and gets away with it! *shouts* You hear me, Mr. Levi Alone?! 
Parker the Raincloud: *joins him, in the same appearance* I heard you, Angus! 
The four stand in a super-hero like pose, but kung-fu style.
Patrick Star and Leni Loud: Yeah!
Parker the Raincloud: Let's do this!
The four join hands together. Suddenly, a whole parkour appears in front of them, blocking the way of Levi's house.
Patrick Star, Leni Loud, Parker the Raincloud and Angus Shackleton: *looks at each other, confused* Let's still do this!
The group passes through crashing cars, and they climb a ladder and swing through eating venus flytraps, and Angus only go under electric nets with punching gloves hitting.
Angus Shackleton: *climbs another ladder and jumps off in a ballerina style, with the flytraps' arm showing marks, then jumps through bouncy trampolines and goes through a zip-line followed by cactus thorns and flaming fires, then gets to the front 'Get Lost' mat and jumps with joy, then laughs* We did it, guys!
Patrick, Leni, Parker and Russell, still stuck at the venus flytrap section.
Patrick Star and Leni Loud: Hooray!
Parker the Raincloud: Yeh-eh-eh-es! Woohoo!
Angus Shackleton: *looks for the letter in my pockets, but gets nothing* Oh no, the letter!
He finds out it's still with Patrick, Leni and Parker
Patrick Star, Leni Loud and Parker the Raincloud: *giggles*
Angus Shackleton: Oh, cripes-
The Get Lost mat throws Angus to the big cactus, which hurts him.
Angus Shackleton: Yep, that hurts. *falls to the ground* Eeeehhh... *thud*
Parker the Raincloud: Angus? Angus?
Sounds like he's dead.
Angus Shackleton: Coughs*
As Parker cries.
Angus Shackleton: I've got nothing left, kiddo. The tank's on 'E'. If that letter- is gonna be delivered- it's gotta be... all you. *sighs*
Parker the Raincloud: *wipes out my tears, sadly* I'll finish the job, Angus. I promise. You're the best boss a cloud could ever have! *closes Angus' eyes* Go in peace, dear friend! *kisses Angus*
Angus Shackleton: *wakes up* Parker, I'm not dying. I'm just pooped as all heck.
Parker the Raincloud: *embarrassed* Oh, right. *chuckles, and wipes out my tears* Yeah, these tears are not even real! *gets up, confidently and shouts* Levi Alone! I've got a letter with your name on it, and you're gonna get that letter because people care about you! *strikes forward with a battle cry*
Leni Loud: Parker, I got this. *passes through all the obstacle course*
Angus Shackleton: *with a #1 hand cheer, with Patrick, Squidina, Parker and Russell* Leni’s doing it!
Patrick Star: You go girl!
Squidina Star: Go Leni!
Parker the Raincloud: You can do it, Leni!
Leni Loud: *reaches Mr. Levi's house and lands on the door mat, and quickly dodges it*
She becomes happy.
Leni Loud: I did it!
A pipe makes a huge sand dune over Parker.
Angus Shackleton: *shocked, hugs Russell* Leni!
Patrick Star: Leni! *sobs*
Leni Loud: *gets out of it, and goes to the door tiredly, and rings the doorbell and coughs*
Levi Alone: *opens the door*
Leni Loud: *gets filled with excitement*
Levi Alone: *takes the letter, and puts his reading glasses on, then reads the letter* “Dear Mr. Alone, I hope you're late for the mall!!!!!! Love, Leni Loud.”
Angus Shackleton: *to Leni* What?
Patrick Star: Leni, you're late for the mall?! Why?
Leni Loud: I'm sorry, Patrick. I wanted Mr. Alone to know that... he doesn't have to be alone.
Levi Alone: *slams the door*
Leni Loud: *sighs* Ms. Carmichael is gonna fire me.
Angus Shackleton: She's not firing you, Leni. You did a good thing. A real good thing.
Leni Loud: *sees a mail slid under Levi's door, then takes the letter* A letter? I wonder what it says! *reads the letter* “Dear Leni, Looking forward to our next romp. Don't forget to bring the mail. Signed, Levi Alone.” Guys, he wrote me back! He wants to be friends! *gasps* We could go to the mall! We could do this every day and he'll never have to feel lonely again!
The slide transition cuts to Reininger’s where Leni is working.
Ms. Carmichael: Great work, Leni!
Leni Loud: Levi Alone loves me!
Ms. Carmichael: Of course, Levi Alone wrote you back.
Miguel from The Loud House: You're his friend, and he wants you to be proud. Oh, bring it in, girl.
Miguel and Fiona from The Loud House: *hugs Leni*
Leni Loud: Thanks, you guys! You're the best!
Ms. Carmichael: And congratulations Leni! You're employee of the month!
Leni Loud: *squeals* EEEEEEE!
The screen turns black. The episode ends with the knight charging toward the screen one last time.
Category:Transcripts
Category:The Patrick Star & Leni Loud Show Episodes
Category:The Patrick Star & Leni Loud Show Season 1 Transcripts