The Battle for a Universe: The Lost Relics

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==Prologue==
A long, long time ago, when the universe was young, there were the ancients, and there was the world. The ancients, powerful beings, living in the vastness of the universe, ruled over their own respective domains. There were seven ancient ones, who served on the council. There they kept balance over the world, which would last for what seemed forever. One day however, that changed.
One of the ancients noticed the increasing deeds of evil going on in the wonderful universe. He thought that it had to be destroyed, so that no longer corruption could live and life could start anew. His mind corrupted as his hatred for the world grew. In an attempt to complete his goal, he stole the relics of the ancients, powerful objects that could allow their wielder to do almost anything together. The other ancients joined together to stop him. They used their powers to seal the insurgent away. However, to overcome the power of their own stolen artifacts, it took all of their energy to do this, and the ancients were greatly weakened themselves. The ancient relics were scattered across space, their current location unknown. And since, the world remained quiet.
But the seal weakened.
==Chapter 1 - A Day in a Ghost Town==
It was another day in the main city. Everything was calmer than back in the day. The bustling streets had turned to vacant passages with occasional passerby's. Dust gathered on the front desk in the lobby of the IDC HQ. Nobody was around anymore. What was to become of Steckenburg?
Zachary walked into the office, let out a deep sigh, and sat down in his big swivel chair. Talking to himself-
Zachary: What did we do wrong? This was the biggest booming business in all of anything. This place is as empty as crap. If we keep this up we'll be in serious debt. Everyone has freaking disappeared.
He sat there, fiddling with some papers as the entry doors stood shut as they always do.
Elsewhere...
Revelian and Umbra sit on a couch, watching TV. They were completely bored. Solaria also sat nearby, asleep.
Revelian: Yeesh. Ludus is so quiet nowadays. No one lives here anymore.
Umbra: At least things are peaceful, now...
Revelian: Yeah. These last few months have been absolutely horrible... What, with the nightmares, basically dying several times, and you having a baby...
Umbra: What was that last one?!
Revelian: Me dying.
Umbra: That's what I thought.
Revelian: Relax, baby. I'm just messing with you.
Umbra: I know.
They both kiss once. They look into each others' eyes lovingly and kiss again.
Umbra: No, not now, Revelian...
Revelian grunts angrily and moves back.
Umbra: Revelian, our kid is sitting right there. Seriously...
Revelian: *Sigh* Yeah, I know... Yeesh. Haven't been able to have nearly as much fun with her around...
Umbra giggles at him.
Umbra: Well, we'll have some fun tonight, then. How does that sound?
They look into each others' eyes again and kiss.
Revelian: Perfect.
Back at IDC...
Jast walked into the office, with Zachary.
Jast: Hey, Zach. Check out these two new pet toys Rev made.
Zachary looks up. Jast throws the Interactive Doll V2.
Zachary: Great, another one of these?
Jast: Comes with 30 new lines.
Zach facepalms.
Zachary: Revelian and his sense of humor... What's the other toy?
A small plushie beans off of his head.
Zachary: What is this? It looks like Umbra... sort of.
Jast: It's a stress-relief toy! Watch this.
Jast takes the toy away and smashes it with an anchor. It leaves the toy wrinkled up and smashed.
Zachary: Geez, do you hate Umbra that much??
Jast: Hush.
Soon, the toy re-inflates, completely removing any form of damage.
Zachary: Yeesh! Cool toy. Looks weird, though.
Jast: I know, right?
Zachary: Well, I gotta go get some files from the town library, watch the place while I'm gone.
Jast: Alrighty then, wait, since when do we keep files there?
Zachary: I archived some of the old adoption papers, but I need to recover a few for some reorganizing and stuff.
Jast: Oh, ok then.
Zachary then promptly exits the building and heads off to the city's library to do the stuff he said he went there to do and stuff because he was knocking on the door.
Zachary: Hey! How's it going?
Crone: It goes. Well, I mean. Sorry, I woke up with my face in a tome. 
Zachary: Heh, no worries. I just need to access the archives, do you have the key to the back? I think I lost mine somehwere... probably all these holes in my jacket. 
Crone: Yeah, of course. Just make sure to bring it back... or I'll eat your soul! >:3
Zachary: Uh... thanks. For all I know you can actually do that...
Zachary heads to the rear part of the library, where a large thick door with a sign "authorized personnel only" is. He inserts the key and turns it, opening the door to the archives. The door creaks open. It is obvious it hasnt been opened in a while.
Zachary: Ugh *spits* I dont remember it being this webby in here. Now, where are those adoption files? files... files... Ah! Now I remember. They're over... here.
He picks up a small pile of folders and starts to walk back towards the door.
Zachary: Now I'll just pu-
Zach slips on something and falls, scattering the papers all across the floor.
Zachary sighs.
Zachary: Does anyone even clean this place? Eh, I better not be a hypocrite.
He picks up the papers on the floor and heads back to the front desk.
Zachary: Thanks! Here's the key. Oh, and you might want to sweep up in there, I slipped on something.
Crone: Oh, sorry about that. I hope you found what you were looking for.
Zachary: Alright. See you later!
Crone: Goodbye.
Zachary exits the library and heads back to the office.
==Chapter 2 - What Have We Here?==
Jast: Hey! You're back! Picked us up some coffee.
Zachary: Oh, thanks. Say, could you help me reorganize these files? There was an issue at the library, and yeah.
Jast: Sure. Alright now... Gladus, Annual, Jango, Blasty...
Zachary: Be right back, gotta go.
Jast: Oke-dokey.
Zach heads off to the men's room, while Jast continues to sort papers.
Meanwhile, back at the library...
Crone walks into the archives with some cleaning supplies.
Crone: Hmm... You know, this place really could use some clean-up, I mean, cobwebs, mysterious fluids on the floor? What's up with that?
Something rustles faintly in the background.
Crone: Hm? I could've sworn I saw something... oh well.
She continues to hum and clean. Then all of the sudden, she hears someone whispering.
???: Where the hell is it?
Crone: Huh? Who...who's there?
???: shh... theres someone else here...
Crone stops what she was doing and sneaks behind a bookcase to sneak in on the conversation.
???: That paper was FUCKING IMPORTANT, you scrubbling!
???: S-sir, I...
???: Just... just no. We have to figure out what happened to it.
Crone: What are they talking about?
A shadow slowly approached behind her.
???: Why, I'm afraid thats none of your business, ma'am.
Crone spins around to face the shadow. It grabs her!
Meanwhile, at the office...
Jast's organizing the files. Suddenly, Revelian and Umbra walk into the office as well.
Revelian: Ello Jast.
Umbra: Hi, DeCurro.
Jast: Well, there's the newlyweds! Aren't you supposed to be on your honeymoon?
Revelian: Yeah, we had to sort of put a hold on that...
Jast: Well, that sucks, sorry to hear that.
Revelian: Nah, it's nothing major. We'll be ready to go within the next week.
Jast: Well, that's good!
Revelian: So, where'd you get these papers?
Jast: Oh, these? These are just pet info. Zachy got them from the library.
Revelian: Oh, I see. What're you doing with them?
Jast: Organizing.
Revelian: ... Well, ok then. Me and Umbra just dropped by to say 'ello on our way to the Library.
Jast: Oh, okay then.
Revelian: Ok, then. Later.
Revelian and Umbra leave the office and head towards the library.
Zachary: So, how far you've got so far?
Jast: To the G's...
Zachary: Alright, here gimme a pile.
Jast: There you go.
Zachary: Blasty, Gladus, Jango, Erg... hey, what's this?
Jast: What?
As a certain mushroom-headed creature yells in despair at his name getting cut off, Zachary pulls out an old, dusty, crumpled peice of paper. As he unfolds it, it appears to be a sort of map. It has faded pictures of places that seem to be recognizable to Zachary and Jast.
Zachary: What the heck? I don't remember this being in the library. Is it yours?
Jast: Not by a long shot! We should ask Revvy what this is. Maybe he'll know...
Zachary: I guess we'll have to go back to the library... let's go.
They head to the library.
Meanwhile, Revelian and Umbra arrive at the library.
Umbra: Hello?? Crone?? You in here?
???: More people?! Seriously!?
Revelian hesitates for a moment, and then draws his sword.
???: Wait a second... That's "them"!! That's the queen and king of Ludus!!
Umbra: Um... Flattered that you'd call me that, but I'm nowhere near the queen of Ludus. I do live in a castle, but I'm not even the ruler of the country I live in.
???: You insolent bafoon!! You told me she was the queen!!
???: How the hell was I supposed to know that? She lives in a castle, doesn't she?! Just like the legends!
???: You and your stupid fairy tales...
???: Hey, I like those stories!
???: THEY'RE MEANT FOR 6 YEAR OLDS. LIKE YOU!!
???: I ain't a 6 year old!
???: NO, YOU'RE JUST AN IDIOT!!!
Revelian: This is getting old. Fast.
Revelian leaps towards the source of the voices. After a bit of kicking and surprised yelps, Revelian walks out, carrying two beings. One is a large, humanoid being with mechanical features and a black cloak. The other one is smaller and seems to have taken design queues from the former.
Revelian: First off, who the hell are YOU?
Revelian points to the taller one.
???: Why, how dare you question me so, you insolent being?
The speaker flailed their fists around for a moment, hitting only the air.
???: First, dear sir, let me ask just what the hell are YOU?
Revelian: I'm gonna be the guy who rips your head off and uses it as a soccer ball if you don't answer my question.
???: I suggest you speak, sir.
???: Shut up, minion. If you must insist, I will infor-
Revelian: GET TO IT.
???: I am sir Poxten Crucex, supreme leader of the secret society of Crux, reformed. Now if you will, I would like for you to return that map of mine.
Revelian: What map??
Zachary and Jast walk inside.
Zachary: Hey, who's this guy?
Revelian: Hey, Zach! What kind of map do you have?
Zachary: I don't know, that's what we came to ask you about!
Revelian: Well I don't know!! This guy here says that it belongs to him.
Zachary: Oh really?? Ok then.
Zachary hands Revelian the map, completely forgetting about the fact that Poxten is a fairly suspicious character. (They don't know this, however.)
Revelian: Ok, well, here's the map. Or whatever.
Revelian carefully hands Poxten the map, and then puts him and his minion down.
Umbra: I don't know, this guy seems a little fishy... And where's Crone??
Poxten: Why thank you, kind sir, but now I must be going. I have a relic chamber to get to!
Revelian: Wait, what's this about relics?
Poxten's staff begins to flash strangely. His figure begins to fade, he seems to be warping.
Poxten: See you later, fools!
Revelian: Hey WAIT-
Just as Poxten disappears, Revelian grabs part of the map, which then tears in two. Poxten doesn't have time to cancel the warping before he disappears.
Revelian: What have we just done? And what is a relic chamber?
Revelian turns and sees that the other guy is still standing there.
???: OH JEEZ, ERR, SIR, YOU FORGOT TO TAKE ME WITH YOU!!
Revelian grabs the little guy before he can run off.
Revelian: Ok, then, now who are YOU??
???: I-I'm just a Crux underling!!
Revelian: A what??
Crux underling: A minion of Poxten!!
Revelian: And what was Poxten talking about??
Crux underling: I-I don't know!!
Revelian: That's not a good answer. I suggest you tell me the truth.
Crux underling: Oh yeah?! And what if I don't?!!
Revelian rips the mask off of his face and roars at the Crux underling. The Crux underling nearly pisses itself.
Crux underling: OK OK OK I'LL TELL YOU WHATEVER YOU WANT OH MY GOD!!
Revelian: Good dog. First off, where's Crone??
Crux underling: The librarian? We have her tied up in the archive room!!
Revelian: What are these "relics" that Poxten was talking about??
Crux underling: T-they're something that some person wants!! But I don't know who that person is!! Poxten made a deal with that person a while ago!!
Revelian: And what's this map he wants so badly??
Crux underling: They tell where the relics are!! THAT'S ALL I KNOW, OK?! I'M JUST A MINION!!
Revelian: Fine. Get your pussy-ass out of my sight before I rip it apart.
Revelian throws the Crux underling away, and it runs off, crying.
Zachary: We messed up, didn't we??
Revelian: Clearly. But we at least have half of the map...
On the map, there's two locations high-lighted.
Umbra: Poxten will probably be looking for the other piece of the map soon...
Revelian: But first off, let's get Crone out of there.
Revelian heads into the archive room and frees Crone.
==Chapter 3 - The First Relic==
Crone: I heard everything. This guy sounds dangerous, especially by what the Crux underling said.
Umbra: We're just glad you're ok. So, what now?
Revelian: I'm pretty sure we need to find these relics before Poxten does.
Zachary: Are you sure about this? It could be dangerous for the four of us.
Revelian: We don't have to worry. You have me on your side, and I'm not afraid of anything that old dildo-face can throw at us, whenever he does.
Zachary: Alright, I have faith in you. Let's take a look at the map.
Revelian lays the half of the map on the table. The map appears to be a crude rendering of the Okto-Gredile and surrounding areas. There are two locations on the map that have been highlighted. One of them is situated to the far west, way past the coast, on another continent. There is a strange marking line between the two, as if some kind of barrier. There is a drawing of a castle with a large red X over it. The other place is on the far east of the map. In what appears to be the Oktov, there is a large down-arrow drawn going into the east side of the mountain.
Zachary: So which one should we go for? I mean, at least we know where the first one is, but the second one... Yeah, that's bizarre. What does that down arrow mean??
Revelian: Maybe it means it's under the mountain... There are mines and caves there, after all.
Zachary: Could be true... Let's go with the one to the west first, just to be safe.
Umbra: Right.
Crone: W-wait, what about me??
Jast: You should be safe now. Those guys shouldn't come back.
Crone: So I'm supposed to just sit here??
Zachary and the others frown.
Umbra: Well, Crone, I'd greatly appreciate it if you took care of Solaria while we're gone...
Crone: *Sigh* Ok...
Umbra: Thank you!
The gang leaves.
Meanwhile...
Poxten appears inside of a large temple...
Poxten: There. We have the map, and we're ready to get the relics!!
Poxten looks at the map, and realizes it's been torn in half.
Poxten: WHAT?! WHAT IMPUDENCE DID THIS?!? WHERE'S MY MINION AT!!
Poxten looks around, but realizes the Crux underling is not with him.
Poxten: I left it behind... Oh. GREAT!! NOW THEY KNOW WHAT WE'RE AFTER!! I BET THEY HAVE THE OTHER HALF OF THE MAP, TOO!! ARRGH!! CAN'T ANY PLAN JUST GO SMOOTHLY!? I guess I'll have to take care of that, hmm?
Poxten pulls out a sort of communicator device. A voice can be heard on the other end.
Crux underling: Roger. What is it, sir?
Poxten: I need you get our guy on the line.
Crux underling: Yes, sir Poxten.
Other End: mumble...mumble.....
???: Yes?
Poxten: I need you to find them. Kill them for all I care, just get the map.
???: Of course. Where shall I find them?
Poxten: All I know is that they have the western map. They probably went to the western site. Do you have a sufficiently tenacious mode of transportation?
???: I can certainly acquire one. I'll be on it.
Poxten: Good. Poxten out.
Poxten: Those buffoons will never know what hit 'em. I've got my secret weapon right on their tails!
Meanwhile....again....
The gang have arrived at the western coast. It is not yet apparent how they will arrive at their destination.
Zachary: Well, were heading across seas, right? I don't see a ship!
Revelian: Hmm...
Jast: Hey, maybe we can find someone who does. There's a seaboard town not far from here. There's bound to be sailors there!
Umbra: What makes you think they'll lend us their ship?
Jast: Well, we could offer them money and stuff, but we have ol' Revvy here, just in case they're a stubborn bunch.
Revelian: Heh.
They advance to Town, where they are in search of a ship and a captain. The town has a shabby inn, as well as several small stores, as well as a bar, where music can be heard.
Jast: I bet we'll find sailors in there. I mean, who else to be in a bar than a dirty old sailor?
Zachary: I guess... Let's go.
They go in the bar. There are several gridmasks enjoying a drink and having a good time. A particularly drunken man approaches Umbra.
Man: Got a nice body there, young lady. How'd you like to *hiccup* go with a guy like me?
Umbra: Hey, back off, swine! Can't you see the wedding ring?!
Umbra proceeds to backhand the drunk across the face. Other sailors just laugh.
Zachary: I don't see any people of at least moderate competence in this building. What now?
Revelian: What about this guy here in the corner?
There was a man, rather covered by the darker side of the room. He wore a hat that covers his head, and sat alone, sipping a glass. Zachary approaches him.
Zachary: Hey, do you happen to have a ship we could borrow?
Sailor: Aye, I have a ship, but I haven't sailed the old blue in ages. I wouldn't just lend it to anyone, eh?
Revelian: What kind of anyone are we talking about here?
Sailor: I've got reasons. I could tell you, but it's a rather long tale. You up for it?
Zachary: I think this is the only way we'll get to him.
Revelian: Okay, tell us your story.
Sailor: It was a very long time ago. I was a younger lad, and I sailed the ocean every opporunity I had. I was crew of the greatest ship in the world, the Aylwin. Aye, she be a beautiful ship. She sailed the seas like no other. Anyway, it was one time we went on a particular journey. We were to venture where no man had gone before. Our first while was a great trip, the wind was with us as we sailed. Then we started to go off the maps. We were on new seas! Everything seemed perfect, but then strange things started to happen... It seemed as if, as if we weren't supposed to be here. The seas grew angry, the storms grew to somethin' we'd never layed eyes on before. It wasn't long before she sank. Alas, one other an' I be the only ones to survive. I was coughin' up the sea when I passed out on shore. Ever since I've been reluctant to set sails again.
Zachary: Tough tale. But I think we have something you'll take interest to.
Sailor: What's that, lad?
Zachary: We have a treasure map.
Sailor: Aye, a treasure map! What kinda treasure that ye be lookin' fer, lad??
But, before Zachary can answer, they hear some angry drunken shouts behind them. The same man that got back-handed by Umbra suddenly storms forward. 2 angry looking guys stand behind him.
Man: HEY!! That's the slut *hiccup* that backhanded me!!
Umbra: ... Did you just call me a slut...?
Man: Yeah!! And what *hiccup* of it, ya filthy whore?! Why ya out here with these t'ree weirdos?? Who do ye think ye're playin' as, the Creation Trio and Geromy!?
Revelian starts to walk forward to shut the man up, but Umbra stops him.
Umbra: Leave these drunken buffoons to me...
She pulls out a large experimental firearm. The men immediately drop their jaws.
Man: That be a... hehe... big gun ya got there, lass... uhhh hehehe... I-I was jokin' around there, y'know, had a few beers, a little tipsy... heheheh...
Umbra wasn't pleased. She aimed the weapon at the drunk and fired a rocket. When the smoke cleared, the drunk was shattered apart. The other two men, instead of running away like they should, suddenly charge forward!!!
Umbra: Oh, come on. I'll take the both of you on!!
Revelian: Err, Umbra, think you might need...
Umbra: Hell no!! These stupid drunks need to be taught a lesson.
Revelian: Well, if you say so...
BATTLE: 2 Belligerents!! (Theme)
Umbra points and unloads with the gun!!
Belligerent 1 took 4950 damage!!
Belligerent 1 was shattered!!
Belligerent 2 ran towards Umbra and tried to bash her head with a bottle!! ...But, when he took a swing, Umbra dodged it, and the Belligerent fell down!!
Belligerent 2 took 92 damage!!
Umbra fires a rocket!!
Belligerent 2 took 2948 damage!!
Belligerent 2 was shattered!!
YOU WIN!!
The rest of the men proceed to flee the bar. Only the gang and the sailor are left.
Sailor: Aye, she be a fiesty one. Well. So.... about the treasure?
Zachary: Well... you see...
And so he explains as much as he can to the sailor without giving up too much info.
Sailor: So, you're sayin' you'll let me keep any treasure I find as long as you be gettin' this relic you're lookin' for? Sounds good to me! We shove off tomorrow's dawn. You'll have to be gettin' whatever food y'may need. But don't worry, the prices be cheap in this old shabby.
Jast: Good, 'cause I'm getting hungry for some seafood. Anyone?
Zachary: Alright. Is the bartender still here?
Bartender: Yeah, just a little startled. You might have to pay a little for my loss of customers.
Revelian: Whatever, lets have five of your finest!
The gang and thier new friend have a good time and hang out at the bar. Meanwhile, outside, a couple of spies have been peeking in.
Crux underling 1: Hello? come in! come in!
???: Did you find them?
Crux underling 1: Yes, they're at the town in the southwest. They're going to set sail for the place at dawn tommorrow.
???: Excellent. Your service is complete.
Crux underling 2: Did you hear that? PROMOTION!!!!
Revelian: What the hell?
Crux underling 1: Shut up!! Do you want to get us killed?
There is rustling outside. Everyone else is a bit too tipsy to notice.
Revelian: What now?
Revelian goes outside. It appears that nothing happened.
Revelian: Hmm... I guess there's no one here...
Crux underling 1: sigh....
Revelian: GOTHCA!!!!
Crux underlings: OH SHI-
That night, there were two less Crux underlings on the planet.
Later on, the gang leaves the bar and heads towards the inn to stay for the night. Meanwhile...
The three guys that got their asses stomped finally get revived.
Man: OY!! WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!
Bartender: You got rejected by a deer lady, then you got your asses stomped by her.
Man: ARGH!! THAT'D BE DISRESPECTIN' ME!! DO YA KNOW WHO I AM?! DO YA?!?!
The man slams his fists on the counter and looks the bartender in the eye.
Bartender: No... I don't.
Stickbeard: I BE THE GREAT PIRATE, CAP'N STICKBEARD!! AYE!! YOU TWO SCALLIWAGS!! GET YOUR ASSES UP AND GET THE REST OF ME CREW!!
Man: Aye aye, cap'n!!
The men run off.
Stickbeard: ARGHH! WHEN I'M DONE WITH THAT BITCH...
Bartender: Hey, we're closed. Get out.
Stickbeard: SHUT UP, I'M THINKIN'!!
The bartender facepalms.
Stickbeard: THEY WERE TALKIN' ABOUT SOME TREASURE, EH?! THEY AND THAT WASHED UP OLD SAILOR!! I KNOW WHAT I'LL DO!! I'LL GET ME SHIP OUT TOMORROW AND FOLLOW EM!! HAHAHA!!!
Bartender: Uhh, dude, she has a MINI GUN with a ROCKET LAUNCHER on it. That's not the best of ideas.
Stickbeard: I SAID SHUT UP!! OR I'LL MAKE YE WALK THE PLANK!!
Bartender: You're a lame pirate.
And so Stickbeard rants on for the rest of the night. Completely disregarding the fact that the woman he wants killed is in the inn. RIGHT NEXT DOOR.
==Chapter 4 - The Ocean Blue==
The next morning...
Revelian wakes up, to notice that Umbra has already gotten up and dressed.
Revelian: You're up early.
Umbra: More like you're up late.
Revelian: ... Wait, what?
Umbra: WE WERE SUPPOSED TO LEAVE AN HOUR AGO!!
Revelian: OH RIGHT CRAP I FORGOT
Revelian leaps up, materializes his clothes, and floats out of the inn, leaving Umbra in the dust.
Umbra: *Sigh* WAIT UP!!
So, Revelian and Umbra run off to the port, where they see a small ship. The sailor, Jast, and Zach sit on top of it.
Sailor: Aye!! Hurry up, lads!! We ain't got all day before the tides start to kick up!!
As Revelian and Umbra walk towards the ship, they walk by another large ship. A bunch of sailors on it start whistling and yelling at Umbra. She ignores them. Two of the sailors on the ship look at each other.
Sailor 1: Aye! She be a fine lookin' lass!!
Sailor 2: Wait, isn't that the wench that the captain be lookin' fer??
Sailor 1: AYE!! SOMEONE GET THE CAPTAIN!!
Some sailors run off of the ship.
Umbra: Wonder what that's all about.
Back at the bar...
Stickbeard continues to rant. He's been doing so all night. The bartender repeatedly bashes his head on the bar. The sailors run inside.
SailorGuy: AYE!! CAP'N!! WE SPOTTED THE WENCH!! THEY BE READY TO SAIL!!
Stickbeard: AYE!! SOMEONE GET ME MY PIRATE HAT, ME HOOK-HAND, AND ME PEG-LEG!!
They all run outside and run towards the ship. The bartender breaths a sigh of relief and passes out on the floor from trauma. Back outside. the gang takes off and starts to sail away. Stickbeard runs off and gets on his ship.
Stickbeard: AYE! LET EM GET SOME DISTANCE, THEN TRAIL EM!!
Sailor: AYE AYE, CAP'N!!
Back on the other ship...
Zachary: So, what's your name, old-timer?
Stagert: Aye, I be old-time Cap'n Stagert! And what're your names, lads?
Zachary: Well, I'm Zachary Isles. The shorter guy here is Jast, my co-worker. The taller one is Revelian, he works for us. The girl is Umbra.
Stagert: Pleasure to make ye aquaintances! So, what are ya lads lookin' fer these "relics" fer?
Zachary: Err... More something we'd like to find out ourselves. Curiosity, I guess.
Stagert: Hmm, ah well. None of me business, anyhow! So, lady, who ya be wed to? Ye said that ye had a weddin' ring when you confronted that drunk.
Umbra: Revelian.
As she says this, she gets closer to Revelian and leans her head on his shoulder. Revelian raises his (lack of) eyebrows.
Stagert: Aye, ya be a lucky lad, Revelian. She's a fine-looking woman!
Revelian: She's also a princess.
Stagert: A princess, ye say?? Where do ye rule, lass?
Umbra: Well... I was a princess... but that time is over, now...
Stagert: Ah, I see... Oh well. At least yer happy now, right?
Umbra: Very much so.
Revelian and Umbra look into each others' eyes lovingly.
Zachary: So anyways...
But suddenly, a cannonball smashes the water nearby!!
Revelian: What the...
Stagert stands up and pulls out a telescope.
Stagert: Err, lass, I think ye want to see this...
Umbra stands up and takes the telescope away. She takes a look at where Stagert pointed... and facepalmed.
Umbra: Are you kidding me?! That drunk's an actual PIRATE?!?
The others stand up and turn around...
A large pirate ship is moving towards them. Stickbeard walks out onto the mast!
Stickbeard: AYE!! BEHOLD, YOU SCALIWAGS!! IT IS I, THE TERRIFYING CAP'N STICKBEARD!!
Stickbeard waved around a sword wildly, while clutching on to something attached to his neck (besides his beard).
Revelian: You've gotta be joking me.
But before the ship can fire another cannonball, several large clouds begin parting beside the ship!!
Revelian: What the hell is going on now?
Stickbeard: WHAT'N THE DEVIL ALIVE IS THIS?! FLEE!!!!
Revelian: This doesn't seem right...
He looks up for no particular reason.
Revelian: Hey guys! Look up!!
Everyone sees a very large airship emerge from the clouds.
Revelian: Really?
Stickbeard: YIKES! Be a flyin' ship! Make haste! Raise sails at full!! We gotta tailer on us!
Stickbeard's crew frantically runs around, doing various things. They don't do anything.
Stagert: Aye!! What is that?!
Zachary: Who could it be, Revelian??
Revelian: I don't think that's gridmask tech.
Jast: Whatever it is, what's it doing out here?
Revelian: I have a feeling whoever's piloting it wants something from us.
Zachary: So should we stay on the ship or go up there?
Umbra: I say we take initiative. The sooner we get this over with the sooner we can get searching for the relic.
Jast: Sounds good to me! But how the helc do we get up there?
Revelian: LIKE THIS.
Revelian flies into the water and picks up the tiny boat. He flies up towards the airship!!
On the airship...
Mercenary: SIR!! Tiny boat flying towards us!!
Shakespeare turns around.
Shakespeare: Activate the defense systems! Blow it out of the sky!!
As Revelian flies up towards the ship, guns begin to fire at him.
Jast: Shmit!! Careful, Rev!! They're firing at us!!
Revelian weaves through the bullets and soon lands on the ship. Zachary, Jast, and Umbra get off.
Revelian: Hey Stagert! Keep up with this ship! When we're done here, we'll be back!!
Stagert: But what do you mean?! Ya brought me here with you!
Revelian drops Stagert's boat down and it slams into the water.
Stagert: ARRGH. YA BETTER BE GLAD THERE'S TREASURE INVOLVED IN THIS!!
Stagert then rows the boat to keep up with the ship. (how is this even possible)
Mercenary: Sir, the enemies are on the ship!!
Shakespeare: Keep the troops back. I'll deal with them.
Shakespeare vanishes.
On the airship...
Revelian: What, first this place is bustling with activity, and now it's abandoned??
Suddenly, Shakespeare appears in front of them!!
Revelian: You?!
Shakespeare: The negative... our destinies have crossed again. Does your thirst for power know no bounds?
Revelian: What?
Shakespeare: Don't feign ignorance. Do you suppose I have the memory of an insect?
Revelian: ...
Zachary: Did Poxten send you after us? Maybe it doesn't need to go down like this.
Shakespeare: I fear that it must, my scaley friend. There is no time to spare, for I have an important job to do. En garde!
===Boss Battle: Shakespeare!===
Shakespeare strikes first!
2019 damage to Revelian!
Zachary slices with his sword!!
1029 damage to Shakespeare!
Jast attacks with REGULUS!!
1304 damage to Shakespeare!
Revelian charges forward!
2039 damage to Shakespeare!
Umbra points and fires the mini-gun!
Shakespeare dodges her fire. No effect!
Umbra: Holy crap!
Shakespeare lunges forward!
5049 damage to Umbra!!
Umbra: Ack!! Where are your manners?! You don't hit a lady!!
Umbra attacks with Dark Magic!!
4973 damage to Shakespeare!!
Zachary cast freeze magic!
2039 damage to Shakespeare!!
Jast fires an aura bolt!!
2940 damage to Shakespeare!
Shakespeare falls back!
YOU WIN!!
Shakespeare: Urk!! That magic attack!! You've been corrupted by a negative, as well?!
Umbra: WILL YOU SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO US FOR A SECOND?!
Zachary: Seriously...
Jast: You're being played. Rev isn't evil anymore.
Jast gets a bunch of looks.
Jast: Not as evil.
Zachary: Heck, he's even saved our planet before!!
Shakespeare: Preposterous! He has you all on puppet strings, just like their adumbral queen! Yet... a ring of matrimony?
Umbra raises her hand.
Umbra: Yes, I'm happily married. With Revelian.
With that, she wraps her arm around Revelians' shoulder. HOVER HAND
Umbra: With a child.
Shakespeare: W-What?! That's absurd! Can this monstrosity even appreciate such a thing?
Zachary: You're NOT LISTENING TO US!! Revelian has changed!! He's gotten a lot better then he used to be!! 
Shakespeare: You expect me to take your word? I would rather trust my own eyes. Even so... it seems I am no match for your formidable entourage.
Zachary: Oh... you're just going to give up?
Revelian: He has some kind of weird honor system, but he's also really stubborn.
Jast: If we don't do something, won't he follow us to the-
Revelian: Hey, Lud! Why don't you go tell Stagert that we're ready to leave?
Jast: Uh, okay...
Zachary: Now, this is your last chance. Revelian is not a normal negative. He has changed and redeemed himself over multiple occasions. I would know... Poxten may be cold-hearted, but he's a smart guy. He knew exactly what was going to happen when you saw Rev. Don't let it be this way...
Shakespeare: My instincts cannot oblige.
Umbra: To hell with all this! You're coming with us and you're going to like it.
Umbra grabs Shakespeare and the gang go back to Stagert's ship. Revelian lowers it back into the sea. Some of the guards in Shakespeare's ship notice he's gone and pilot the ship away.
Shakespeare: What do you think you're doing!? You can't just... MY SHIP?! NOOOOO...
Revelian: Looks like you're stuck with us now!
Shakespeare: Ugh...
SHAKESPEARE (reluctantly) JOINED YOUR PARTY!!
Jast: Now, how far to go here...
Stagert: By this time we should be approachin' that "line" o' yers on the map. Somethin' interstins bound to happen.
Zachary: I hope not... We don't need another interruption. Poxten probably has his hands on a relic by now.
Umbra: Let's just hope for the best...
Revelian: So... why didn't we take the airship?
Shakespeare: Hindsight! Oh, the tragedy...
==Chapter 5 - Interdimensional==
They had been sailing for several hours. The sea seemed as endless as usual. Zach and Jast were below deck, everyone else stood on the deck of the ship. Stickbeard's ship has vanished by this point.
Zach: ... Jast...
Jast: Yes?
Zach: Have you ever been in a relationship? Like real love?
Jast: *Demonic stare*
Zach: Oh, right. Sorry. I just... You know what I've been through lately and, well, it doesn't seem like anything is going to happen. I just wish there were somebody else who knew how I felt. To love somebody that you know that you'll never be with. It's the worst feeling in the world... I've pretty much given up.
Jast: I can't think of any one-way relationships off the top of my head, but... Yeah, I can sorta understand...
Zach: I mean... I don't want to split Umbra and Rev up, but... It's just so hard to get by nowadays... All I can think about is her...
Jast: Well, I'm on the outside looking in on this one... But all I can do is say this. You're gonna have to get over her. I mean, there's not a snowball chance in helc that she's gonna leave Rev to be with you. I mean, nothing against you, it's just that... Those two are bonded. Like, welded together. There's no way you can split them up. They love each other that much...
Zach: ...
Jast: All I can say is, there's a lotta fish in the sea, and you're gonna have to get over that Umbra's already been caught. I mean, I'm sure you can find romance with someone else someday...
Zach: It'll never be the same, though...
Jast: Well, you'll have to freaking improvise!! Because there's no way you're gonna be with Umbra! I mean, I know I'm sounding harsh, but come on! You've been like this with her for MONTHS! And she's already married!! I mean...
Zach: Just... enough... I understand...
CCRRAACCK!!! BOOOOOM! RUMBLERUMBLE
Stagert: THERE BE A STORM A-BREWIN'!!
Jast: I think we should get on deck, come on...
Zach: Alright, I need to get my mind off of it anyway.
~meanwhile, on deck~
Shakespeare: The sky is very dark. I believe we have reached the interdimensional gateway.
Rev: The what?
Shakespeare: Poxten told me about it. Honestly I shouldn't even tell you, but I am on this ship, aren't I? It's the barrier between dimensions. Past it is like an entirely different world. I can't quite remember which one though...
Stagert: Whatever it may be, I yet to know if we may be seein' it! Me ship can't handle this kind of stormin'!
Umbra: There has to be a way...
BOOOOMMM!!!! rumble...rumble...
Zach: Geez, this thunder's deafening!!
The waves start getting bigger and bigger and the rain pounds the ship harder. The gang soon that they're sinking. Fast.
Umbra: Oh geez!! We're sinking!!
Rev: Alright, ALRIGHT, I'll deal with this!
Rev flies underwater and picks the boat up again.
Zach: Atta boy, Rev!!
Rev: NEVER SAY THAT AGAIN.
Stagert: AYE, SOMETHIN' BE HAPPENIN'!!
Suddenly, the sky begins to flash. Not just lightning but the WHOLE FREAKING SKY. Everything seems to shake vioently. The very fabric of existance seems to warp and shift. The world around them turns to insanity. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHSHSHSHHSHHSHHHHH.
Then all was calm...
Zach: What....the hell....JUST FREAKING HAPPENED?!??!
Shakespeare: THAT was the gateway. We are now in another world.
Rev: Now, just to figure out wherever the hell THAT is.
Jast: It seems as though the ship is still intact. Heck, there's no further damage!
Stagert: Good, for a second there I though we all be toast!! We be sailin' on uncharted territory.
Zach: Why...why does it feel like?
Umbra: Like what?
Zach: Like I've been here before. It's something in the air...
Jast: What?
Zach: I feel like I know this place...
Rev:...I think this might be Zach's homeland. We have set sail to the kingdoms of the dragons.
Umbra: Oh, wow! How exciting.
Stagert: Aye! Land Ho!!
Zach: Here we go... home.
==Chapter 6 - Welcome Home==
The kingdom... is abandoned. Cities still lie in ruin from the tremendous batte many years ago.
Zach: My God... This place wasn't able to recover from... the attack...
Shakespeare: What happened to this place? It looks like it was invaded...
Zach: It was... long ago...
Shakespeare: By who??
Zach: ...It's not important, now...
Rev silently gazes down at the floor. Umbra quietly wraps her arms around him, knowing what he's done as well.
Rev: negatives invaded it. And they were led by me.
Shakespeare and Stagert both turn to him.
Shakespeare: What?!
Rev: But that was long ago... While I was still a drone of my master...
Shakespeare stares at him, clearly suspicious.
Zach: Shakespeare, it's ok... It's like I said, Rev has redeemed himself plenty of times over...
Umbra: That's right... He actively regrets what he has done. And he's moved on from that.
Shakespeare doesn't seem satisfied.
Stagert: Aye, the lad may have done somethin' wrong, but at least he be tryin' to make amends for it!
Jast: Well, we need to go on, anyways! Let's go.
The gang agrees and they all start to move out.
Rev: ...Where are we going??
Jast: Dunno... OH LOOK A SIGN.
A signpost sticks out of the ground. Written on it is-
"Welcome to the Ruins! Beware of Floatstingers."
Jast: What's a Floatstinger?
Whomp.
Rev: No idea.
Whomp.
Zach: Ermm... Do any of you hear that noise??
Suddenly, Umbra gets grabbed by something!!
Umbra: What the?! Help!!
The gang looks up...
A giant moth-like creature floats above them. It was the source of the noise Zach heard. Whomp. It has a giant stinger at the end of its abdomen!!
Rev: Umbra!!
The monster flies away at high speeds, carrying Umbra with it.
Zach: Damnit!! We've gotta go after her!!
Jast: Was that a Floatstinger??
Rev: WELL I DO FUCKING WONDER. IT FLOATS, AND IT HAS A STINGER.
Jast: ...Meanie beanie.
Rev: Urgh...
Zach: Yeesh, does being away from Umbra for just seconds make you angry??
Rev: No, but watching my wife get kidnapped by a gigantic moth sorta does.
Zach: Ok ok ok!! Let's chase after it!!
They all run where the Floatstinger was flying.
In a massive, abandoned palace...
The Floatstinger throws Umbra down on top of a balcony. A large egg-like thing sits next to her. The Floatstinger then shoots out long, sticky web, and it forces Umbra to the wall and covers her up, preventing movement.
Umbra: Gagh!! What's happening?!
The Floatstinger flies off. Umbra breathes a sigh of relief...
Then she hears something rattle next to her. She turns her head and sees the egg start to crack. It breaks open, and a large bagworm-like creature wriggles free. It looks at her, and then slowly starts to crawl towards her.
Umbra: N-No!! Stay away from me!!
It ignores her.
The gang continues to run to where Floatstinger flew off. They soon spot something sitting on the ground.
Rev: It's the XM-6000!! Umbra must have dropped it...
Rev picks up the weapon and puts it in his inventory.
Stagert: Aye, where did ye get that weapon, lad? That be some mighty-fine firepower!!
Rev: Long story.
Stagert: I got time!
Rev: Well we don't!! We've gotta get that monster! Who knows that it'll do to Umbra?? Eat her? Leave her to be eaten by its babies?? I mean, the possibilites are horrifying!!
Zach: I agree, we've gotta hurry!!
They keep moving. They soon come upon a large palace... They see the large amounts of web on the castle.
Zach: Think this is where the monster took her??
Rev: Based by all of the web, I assume so.
Jast: What kind of moth leaves WEB behind??
Rev: Whatever, let's go!!
The gang all runs towards the castle! Rev kicks open the front door. Dozens of bagworm-like creatures wander around.
Zach: Ugh, this place is filled with bugs.
Rev: Probably larval forms of the Floatstinger.
Zach: Yeah, let's ignore them.
They head into the courtyard. Inside, there's a huge amount of sand.
Rev: Sand??
They all walk inside. Suddenly, something rustles beneath the sand!!
Stagert: AYEE!! FLEE!!
Stagert turns and runs back inside.
Rev: Yeah, you enjoy your bugs, you fucking pussy!!
Out of the sand comes a giant version of the larvae!
Rev: What the?? It must be a matured version... Watch out, it's coming at us!!
Zach: Its extermination time!!
Jast slaps Zach upside the head for the bad one-liner.
==Chapter 7 - Creepy Crawlies==
Boss Battle: Matured Twinfeeler!! (Theme)
The Twinfeeler hisses at the gang!!
Zach slices with his sword!
1201 damage to Twinfeeler!!
The Twinfeeler charges for a counter attack!!
3042 damage to Zach!!
Zach: This thing counter-attacks?! Yeesh!!
Jast fires an aura bolt!
940 damage to Twinfeeler!
Rev charges forward!!
2039 damage to Twinfeeler!
Shakespeare slices with his sword!!
2010 damage to Twinfeeler!
Twinfeeler launches a poisonous glob!!
3940 damage to Zach!!
Zach got poisoned!!
Zach: Oh crap...!!
Zach used PSI Fire!!
3049 damage to Twinfeeler!!
Zach takes 1000 damage from poisoning!!
Zach: THAT'S A LOT OF POISON DAMAGE.
Jast used PSI Healing!
Zach was cured of his poison!
Rev launches a sonic sword!!
2301 damage to Twinfeeler!
Twinfeeler charges for a counter attack!!
Rev takes 3Sauphara0 damage!
Shakespeare charges up a super attack!
Twinfeeler smashes into Zach!!
Zach takes 4950 damage!!
Zach used PSI Fire!!
3940 damage to Twinfeeler!!
Jast used PSI Lifeup!!
The gang recovers 4000 LP!!
Rev charges forward!!
Twinfeeler takes 2039 damage!!
Shakespeare attacks with the Mach Tornado!!!
6054 damage to Twinfeeler!!
Twinfeeler curled up into a ball and died!!
YOU WIN!!
Rev: Stupid bug...
Zach: Let's keep moving.
The gang heads up to the higher floors of the palace... Rev hears something.
Umbra: Ack!! Quit it!!!
Rev: Umbra!!
Rev kicks open the door to the balcony.
On the balcony, Umbra, who is free, laughs as the baby Twinfeeler tickles her face with its antennae. It turns to Rev and the others and hisses.
Rev: Woah, Umbra!! Are you alright??
Umbra: Revelian?! Oh, yes, I'm alright!! This baby must think I'm its mother or something!
Zach: Huh.
The Twinfeeler hisses at Rev as he walks forward.
Umbra: I don't think it trusts you...
She strokes the Twinfeeler's back, soon scratching it. It rolls in her lap and kicks its tiny feet in the air. She places the now-tranced Twinfeeler onto the ground and runs to Rev, hugging him.
Rev: Alright, we've got her!! Let's get out of-
Whomp.
Zach: Here it comes...
Whomp.
The Floatstinger floats up towards the balcony. It spots its prey getting away and hisses.
Zach: Here it comes! Let's take this freak down!
Rev gives Umbra her XM-6000 Machine gun.
Umbra: Let's do this!!
Boss Battle: Floatstinger!! (Theme)
The Floatstinger floats downward towards the gang! The Floatstinger cannot be attacked with Melee.
Zach used PSI Fire!
Floatstinger takes 2093 damage!
Jast used PSI Thunder!!
Floatstinger takes 3495 damage!!
Rev launches a sonic sword!
Floatstinger takes 1Sauphara9 damage!
Umbra points her mini-gun at the Floatstinger and unloads!!
4059 damage to Floatstinger!!
Shakespeare does nothing.
Floatstinger unleashes poisonous dust onto the party!!!
Zach was poisoned!
Jast was poisoned!
Rev can't get poisoned!
Umbra can't get poisoned!
Shakespeare was poisoned!
Zach used PSI Freeze!!
Floatstinger takes 3049 damage!
Zach takes 1000 Poison damage!
Jast used PSI Healing!
Zach was cured of poison!
Jast was cured of poison!
No effect on Rev!
No effect on Umbra!
Shakespeare was cured of poison!
Rev launches a sonic sword!
Floatstinger takes 13Sauphara damage!
Umbra points her mini-gun at the Floatstinger and unloads!!
Floatstinger takes 4950 damage!!
Floatstinger jabs Zach with its stinger!!
Zach takes 8970 damage!!!
Zach used PSI Freeze!
Floatstinger takes 35Sauphara damage!
Jast used PSI Lifeup!
The gang recovers 5000 HP!!
Rev launches a sonic sword!
1293 damage to Floatstinger!!
Umbra fires a rocket!!
8905 damage to Floatstinger!!
Special Death!! Floatstinger was gibbed!!!
YOU WIN!!
Umbra: Take that, you nasty moth!!
Zach: Alright, we did it! Let's look around a bit more. The relic has to be here!!
So they wander around until they reach the throne room... On the throne is a large, golden cross.
Zach: Is this the relic?
Rev: Must be...
Zach picks up the relic.
Relic obtained!! 3 remain...
Zach: We did it!! Let's get out of here, get Stagert, and go home. We need to take a break.
The gang runs off, grabs Stagert, and head towards the boat.
Umbra: W-Wait!! The baby Twinfeeler, it's-
Rev: We can't worry about that! Let's just go!!
Umbra: No!! I'm not leaving it here by itself! It doesn't have anything to feed it anymore!!
Umbra runs off.
Rev: Damnit, Umbra!!
Rev runs after her.
Zach: Ugh, let's just wait here for them.
At the palace, Umbra grabs the baby Twinfeeler, and they all return to the ship.
Stagert: Are ya lads ready?? HEAVE HO!!!
The ship moves off and heads towards the dimensional rift!! They go through.
Zach: It's nighttime...
Stagert: Well, I guess you lads oughta go to bed. We got quarters down below.
Jast: Yeah, I'm tired. What a battle.
They all go to bed.
In Rev and Umbra's bedroom...
Rev silently sits on the bed. Umbra walks inside and sits down next to him.
Umbra: Well, we have one of the relics.
Rev: Yeah...
Umbra: Revelian... You don't think anything will happen to us... Do you...??
Rev: What do you mean??
Umbra: I mean... You've had two near-death experiences... One during the whole Cut incident, and another one when my bitch sister attacked you with the elements... I've even had one, too, when I was in that coma... I just... don't want anything to happen to us... If I lost you, I don't know what I might do... I mean, you're my life... You're the one thing that gets me up every day. Before I had met you, my life was nothing... I didn't have the will to live... Revelian, when I say that you saved me, it isn't an overstatement...
Zach, who was walking by, stops when he hears this. He looks inside of their room through a peep-hole.
Umbra: Revelian, if you hadn't of shown up, I would have died. Inevitably. Astra would have gotten me killed somehow... Revelian, you saved me. I owe my entire life to you...
Rev: You don't owe me a thing. Me living with you now is all I need. You love me, and I love you. Right?
Umbra: Exactly. I'll always love you, Revelian... No matter what...
The two get into a deep kiss and fall onto the bed.
Zach, who's been watching them, sighs and clenches his fist in anger and jealousy. Jast, who's also going to bed, walks by.
Jast: What're you doing, Zach??
Jast peers in the peep hole.
Jast: DUDE!! WHY ARE YOU STALKING THEM?!
Zach runs off down the hallway and into his bedroom. He slumps on the bed, depressed.
Rev, who's busy licking Umbra, raises his head up.
Rev: What was that??
Umbra gives an irritated grunt and pulls Rev back down between her legs, making him yelp in surprise.
Zach: Am I really destined to be alone...? I swear... This life sucks...
He passes out.
==Chapter 8 - Sick Irony==
Zach wakes up when he hears a bell.
Stagert: LAND HO!!!!
Zach gets to his feet and walks out of his room. Stagert's running down the hallway, waking everyone up.
In Rev' room...
He and Umbra are cuddled next to each other, passed out. Stagert kicks the door open, making Umbra wake up, scream, and cover herself.
Stagert: LAND HO- OH SORRY LASS!! I DIDN'T SEE NOTHIN'!!
He turns and runs out of the room. He stops in the middle of the hallway, near Zach.
Stagert: DAMN she be a fine lass!!
Zach: Tell me about it... So, we're near Gredile again??
Stagert: Yep!! Made it through without a hitch!!
Zach: Good!
Back in Rev' room...
Umbra angrily grunts and puts on her clothes. Rev soon falls out of the bed, as well.
Rev: WHAT WAIT WHAT WHERE AM I WHAT ARE YOU.
Umbra: We're home. And we were VERY rudely awakened.
Rev: Aww you don't mean they-
Umbra: Yes. Don't bring it up.
Rev gets up as well and heads to the deck.
Stagert: LAND HO!!!
Zach: ...mo.
Rev slaps Zach upside the head.
Jast: So we're home, right??
Rev: Yup.
Zach: So what's the plan??
Rev: Well, we're gonna chill for a day, get cleaned up, then tomorrow we're gonna head out for the next Relic, which is in the mountain series.
Zach: Got it. Don't think Poxten is gonna try and take the relic, do you??
Rev: I almost guarantee he will. We'll be ready for him. I'll keep the map with me, and Zach will keep the relic.
Zach: Got it.
Rev: Well, let's go home.
The ship soon lands at the dock, and the gang gets out and leaves. Nearby...
Stickbeard's ship is also docked. After the ship showed up, Stickbeard ran the fuck away like a baby. Stickbeard spots the gang heading home.
Stickbeard: AYE!! THERE YA BE YOU SCALIWAGS!!
Rev: NOT NOW, DICKBEARD.
Stickbeard: WHAT?!? I'LL MAKE YE WALK THE PLANK FOR THAT!!
Umbra shoots a rocket at him and shuts him up.
Umbra: Let's just go.
As Rev and Umbra warp home, and Shakespeare checks in to a nearby inn, Zach and Jast walk to their homes.
Jast: Zach, we've gotta talk. Last night was... uncalled for, to say the least.
Zach: I know, I know... I shouldn't have done that... It's just, this jealousy, it's eating me alive!! I can't stand this!!
Jast: Look, why don't you talk to someone else who's dealt with jealousy??
Zach: Who?
Jast: Karelia! She's still in love with Rev, but she's handling it better then you are. If you two talk, maybe you can help each other out. Heck, maybe she can give you tips on how to deal with your jealousy.
Zach: Oh, ok then... I'll do that!
Zach flies off towards Karelia's house...
He soon arrives. She lives in the Grassland series, near the lake. She sits inside, quietly drinking something. Zach knocks on the door. She bounces up happily and answers it.
Karelia: Oh, hi Zachary!! Whatcha doin'??
Zach: Hi, Karelia! I just came by to chat!
Karelia: Well geez, don't stand out there like a stick in the mud!! Come on in!!
She bounces away, happily. Zach sorta smiles at her hyper, cheery attitude. He walks inside and shuts the door behind him. He walks over and sits down in a chair.
Karelia: So! Do you want something to drink?
Zach: Sure, what do you have?
Karelia: Well, I've got juice, milk, soda... beer... I-I mean, if you don't want to drink beer, you don't have to, hahaha....
Zach: Karelia, relax! It's ok.
Karelia: S-sorry... So what do you want?
Zach: Hm... I'll take a beer, I guess.
Karelia: Ok!
She bounces off. Zach sighs and rests his head on his hand. She soon walks in, carrying two beers. She hands him one.
Karelia: So, what did you come to talk about?
Zach: Well, Karelia, I wanted to talk about.... Well, how are you dealing with your jealousy??
Karelia: What do you mean...??
Zach: I need to know! I can't get over Umbra... How do YOU manage it??
Karelia: Well, I keep in mind that both Revelian and Umbra are my friends, and I don't want to do anything to hurt them! I keep that in mind, and it gets me by just fine.
Zach: But, I've tried that, and it doesn't work for me!! I still can't stop thinking about her... It's so hard to get by nowadays...
Karelia: I know it's hard, Zach, but you've got to manage! Do it for your friends!!
Zach: I KNOW I have to do it for my friends!! It's getting harder and harder, I mean, I'm going INSANE here!!!
Zach takes a sip of his beer.
Karelia: You're acting selfish!!
Zach: What?!
Karelia: Look at you!! You're bogging yourself down in the past!! I know jealousy is hard to deal with, Zachary, but it doesn't matter!! You've gotta accept the fact that Umbra's probably never going to love you! I mean, she's your friend, but that's as most as it's gonna get!!
Zach: I DON'T WANT THAT!! I can't stand not having her!!
Karelia: Here you go again!! You're so selfish!! You're throwing a fit because you can't get what you want!! You're acting like a child!!
Zach: AND WHAT DO YOU ACT LIKE?!? YOU'RE A CHILD IN A WOMAN'S BODY!! YOU'RE BOUNCY, GOOFY, AND IRRITATING!!
Karelia: W-What...?!! You're a jerk!! Just because I'm someone who tries to socialize and have fun with people doesn't make me a child!! It makes me a person who tries to socialize and have fun with people!! Here you are whining just like a child does when he doesn't get a toy he wants!! Don't call me something without looking in the mirror yourself, you asshole!!!
Tears start to fall down her eyes as she says this. Zach lowers his head, ashamed...
Zach: I'm... I'm sorry, Karelia. I know I'm being a selfish jerk... It's just... so hard to get over her...
Karelia: I shouldn't have snapped either...
Zach: It's ok, I deserved it... Look, let's just enjoy ourselves, ok? I've gotta go somewhere tomorrow, and this is the last day I get off. So let's have fun, ok?
Karelia brightens up.
Karelia: Ok!
The two laugh and start to chat.
A few hours later...
They've gotten pretty tipsy by this point.
Zach: Hahaha...!! That's... That's pretty funny, Karelia... So what did he do after that...?
Karelia: Well, after he *hic* turned into a massive dragon and started to rampage... *Hic* I... I can't remember. All I remember is *hic* they were falling from the sky and they got saved by (REPLACEME2) and (REPLACEME3)... (REPLACEME) swears she's not in love with him, but... *Hic* I don't believe it. Hehehe.
Zach: ...Here we are, *hic* chatting away, about half drunk...
Karelia: Yep... y'know what's ironic?
Zach: Wut...
Karelia: I'm in love... with the man... that stole the woman you love away...
Zach: And I'm in love... with the woman... that stole the man you love away...
Karelia: Ain't that a bout of fuckin' irony...
Zach: Yup...
The two sit there and look at each other for a second.
Zach: Well... It's gettin' late... *Hic* I've gotta go...
Karelia doesn't answer him. Zach stands up.
Zach: See ya...
Karelia grabs a hold of him and gets into a deep kiss with him. Zach doesn't say a word as she drags him upstairs to the bedroom. She kisses him again as she pushes him onto her bed and slams the door behind her.
==Chapter 9 - Ironic Start To An Ironic Relationship==
Zach lies passed out on the bed with Karelia cuddled up next to him. Pretty soon, the sun's peeking rays start to hit in in the face. Finally, he wakes up, blinded.
Zach: Urgh... Where am I...?? What happened last night?
Zach then turns to Karelia.
Zach: OH MY F/CKING GOD!!
Zach leaps out of the bed, making Karelia jolt up.
Karelia: AAHH!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?!?
Zach: I DON'T KNOW!!! DID WHAT I THINK HAPPENED HAPPEN?!?
Karelia pulls the cover up and looks underneath. A look of horror crosses her face.
Karelia: AAAHHH!!!
Zach: YOU'VE GOTTA BE F/CKING KIDDING ME!!!!
Zach turns and runs out of the door. He doesn't stop running until he makes it to Jast's house.
Jast's sitting on a couch in his room, watching TV. He hasn't seen Zach all night, and he wasn't at his castle, so he wondered if something might have happened to him.
He hears a pounding on the door.
Jast answers it to see a very, very shocked-looking Zach.
Jast: Hey, Zach! You look like you saw a ghost, man. What happened to you??
Zach: Well, I spent the night at Karelia's house. We talked for a bit... Drank a little...
Jast: ...What do you mean...?
Zach: WE HAD SEX.
Jast: WHAT?!? Zach, WHEN I TOLD YOU TO TALK TO HER, I DIDN'T MEAN GO OUT AND JUMP IN THE BED WITH HER!!!
Zach: I know I know!! We got drunk, said some things, and the next thing I freaking know, I wake up and she's cuddled up next to me!!!
Jast: Jegus, Zach! I know this is sudden, but... Is this really a bad thing??
Zach: WHAT?!? OF COURSE THIS...
Zach stops and thinks about it.
Jast: I mean... She's your friend, isn't she? Think about it...
Zach: You're not saying... I should actually try and get with her... are you??
Jast: Well, is it a bad thing to?
Zach: Well... No, she's my friend but... I don't LOVE her or anything...
Jast: Zach, you had sex with her.
Zach: I was drunk!! Getting drunk can cause all sorts of shit to happen that you don't want to happen!
Jast: Zach, you're practically being shoved with an opportunity to get with someone who, 1- Isn't half bad looking, 2- She's a good friend of yours, and 3- Will REALLY help with you getting over Umbra, and here you are pushing it away??!
Zach: But I don't LOVE her...!!
Jast: Who are you trying to convince, Zach? Me, or yourself? I mean, you two share a pretty good bond. You've both been hit with strokes of extreme jealousy, ironically enough to two different people who are with each other. You've got quite a bit more in common then you're willing to admit.
Zach: ...
Jast: And hey, it gets rid of your forever-alonely ness, doesn't it??
Zach: Well... It sort of does...
Jast: Zach, I'm not saying you HAVE to do this, but really consider it. It'll help you both out quite a bit.
Zach: ...I'll do that... I'll really consider this.
Jast: Alright then, let's go get Rev and Umbra. We're gonna go say bye to Stagert and thank him for his help before heading out to the Mountain series to find the next Relic.
Zach: Right, I've got that one hidden somewhere. Before I went to Karelia's house, I put the relic inside of a secret chamber in my castle.
Jast: Good. Let's go get Rev and Umbra.
They both walk off towards Rev' castle. Jast walks towards the front gate. He hears laughing inside.
Umbra: You'd better be glad you can change your shape, or you'd flat out crush me if you tried this normally!!
Rev: I wouldn't try anything that would hurt you, and you know that! Now move faster!!
*Thwock!!*
Umbra: Ack! Ok ok ok!! Wish the others would hurry up...
Jast: Dear gog are they doing what I think they're doing.
Jast peers inside through a peephole. Yep, they are. Rev has shrunken his body (Don't ask), and is literally riding on Umbra's back. Umbra herself is naked, and Rev is holding a riding crop. Umbra's ass is red and swollen-looking, and has darker red lines on several parts of her cheeks. Jast facepalms.
Zach: Well, at least they're exploring new and interesting ways of making me jealous.
Jast: No freaking kidding. Hold on...
Jast pounds on the door. He hears a heavy *Thwomp!!*, and a moan of pain.
Rev: Why...??
Umbra: They're here!! Get my clothes!!
Rev: Oh right ok!!
Jast hears some shuffling, and soon Umbra answers the door, having put on clothes.
Jast: Hey, guys!
Rev: Don't lie, how long were you standing out there?
Jast: Eh, a second or two.
Rev: Ok fine. So are we heading out?
Jast: Yup. So is Crone gonna take care of the baby while we're gone?
Umbra: Yes, we've already arranged for that. She'll be here soon.
Zach: Right, so let's say bye to Stagert and move on...
Rev: Right-O.
Rev warps all of them off to the port-town.
At the town...
The gang walks into the bar. They spot Stagert sitting at the same table as before.
Stagert: Aye, 'ello lads! What brings ya here?
Zach: We just came to say goodbye, and thank you for helping us.
Stagert: It was no problem, lads! I'm glad I could put on me sea legs again! 'Tis a damned shame we couldn't find any other treasure then that relic. Oh well! If ya ever need sea travel again, ye know who to call!
Zach: We'll be certain to! See ya, old timer.
The others say their goodbyes as they leave the bar and head to the inn to get Shakespeare.
At the inn...
Shakespeare sits at a small bar, drunk. A white Pragman sits next to him. He turns towards the her.
Shakespeare: Do ya know who I am?? I'm Shakespeare!! Best *hic* sword fighter in the land...
The Pragman sighs, irritated. Rev recognizes her.
Rev: (REPLACEME)? What're you doing in this place?
(REPLACEME): Oh, why hello, Revelian. Crone told me that I needed to get out and explore the country, a bit. You know, since we live here.
Rev: Yeah, but why are you here of all places??
(REPLACEME): Well, I was exploring this part of the countryside, and I needed a place to stay. Sadly, this is the only inn in the area. I WAS mildly enjoying myself, but then this fellow came along. Started off quiet, but now he won't shut his damned mouth. So what brings you all here?
Rev: We came to get him.
(REPLACEME): What?? Why him??
Rev: Despite the fact he's staggering around drunk, he's a competent ally.
(REPLACEME): What are you even doing, anyways?
Rev: Loooong story...
(REPLACEME): Well, ok then...
Rev: Hey (REPLACEME), wanna see something funny?
(REPLACEME): Humor me.
Rev reaches over and yanks the mask off of Shakespeare, exposing his baby-like face. (REPLACEME) covers her mouth in a giggle.
Umbra: THAT'S what he looks like under his mask?! PFTAHAHAH!!! He looks so adorable!!
Shakespeare: SHADDUP!!! AND YOU!!!
He points at (REPLACEME) drunkenly.
Shakespeare: DO YOU KNOW WHAT I COULD *hic* DO!?! I COULD CUT THAT... THAT... PENIS... OFF OF YOUR HEAD!!
Jast snorts. (REPLACEME) snarls at him and backhands him across the face.
(REPLACEME): IT IS NOT A PENIS, YOU INCOMPETENT SWINE! IT'S CALLED A HORN!! I'M A PRAGMAN FOR GODS SAKE.
(REPLACEME) storms out of the bar.
Zach: See ya!
Rev picks up Shakespeare, who now has a big red hand-print on his face. He drags him off. The gang follows.
==Chapter 10 - BACK TO THE PLOT==
As the gang starts to head towards the mountain, Zach suddenly piques in!
Zach: Guys, wait!! I need to... do something.
Rev: What?
Zach: I need to go to Karelia Pie's house.
Rev: Ok, why?
Zach: Err, I owe her something.
Rev: ...Ok.
So they make a detour towards the Lake. Jast leans in close towards Zach's ear.
Jast: What the helc are you doing?
Zach: I've gotta at least say goodbye to her...
Jast: Oh God, this is gonna end badly...
They soon make it to Karelia's house. Zach quietly knocks on the door. Karelia answers it. She gasps when she sees who it is.
Karelia: O-Oh... Hi, Zachary...
Zach: Karelia. I just came to... well, say goodbye...
Karelia: Ok then...
Rev: Why is everyone so tense??
Jast facepalms.
Karelia: Well, Revelian... I don't know if he told you this, but...
Zach: I'll tell them. Jast already knows.
Rev turns towards Jast.
Rev: What the hell is going on??
Jast: Just watch...
Zach: *Sigh*. Rev... Me and Karelia, we...
Zach closes his eyes tight.
Zach: WE HAD SEX.
Umbra's jaw drops to the floor. Rev just stands there. Zach opens his eyes.
Umbra: WHAT?? Revelian, can you believe that?!
Rev suddenly bursts out laughing.
Rev: GAAHAHAHAH!!!
Zach and Karelia blush violently.
Rev: NO NO NO, I'M NOT LAUGHING AT YOU!! I'M LAUGHING AT THE IRONY OF IT!!! AHAHAHAHA!!! MY FRIEND, WHO'S ALSO IN LOVE WITH MY WIFE, HAPPENS TO GET LAID WITH MY OTHER FRIEND, WHO'S IN LOVE WITH ME!! OH MY GOD!! THE IRONY IS KILLING ME!! AHAHAHAHA!!!!
Umbra: ...Hehe, it is kinda funny...
Shakespeare: I dun get it...
Jast: Shut up, Shakespeare.
Zach: *Sigh* So yeah, I just came by to tell you goodbye, for now...
Karelia: Ok, well... Take care of yourself, ok...?
Zach: Got it...
But suddenly, Poxten warps in and grabs Karelia!!
Zach: HEY!! LET HER GO!!
Poxten: Not until you hand me both the Relic you have AND the other half of the map!! Refuse to do so, and I will guarantee that your little pink girlfriend will not breath a breath of fresh oxygen ever again!!
Rev: You and your stupid ass wording...
Poxten: That doesn't help matters at all, Mr. Zeronius.
Karelia starts to shake.
Poxten: Now then. SURRENDER THE MAP AND RELIC UNTO ME.
Karelia's body starts to change. Her eyes blacken up and vanish, soon turning into scarlet static. The skin around her mouth starts to peel away, revealing mutilated fangs. Her hair droops down.
Poxten: I'M TIRED OF WAITING!! ...WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT?!
Karelia: LET... ME... GO.
Poxten: DO YOU DARE GIVE ORDERS UNTO ME?!
Poxten then takes a look at Karelia.
Poxten: OH MY SWEET HOLY LORD OF ALL THAT IS HOLY AND HOLINESS!! ...WHAT THE HELL!?!
Karelia screeches and tears free of Poxtens' grasp.
She then proceeds to violate him.
The gang can only close their eyes as Karelia tears Poxten into pieces. The parts of Poxtens' body goes flying away. His head bounces off of the ground. But he's still alive.
Poxten: COME AND COLLECT MY BODY PARTS, YOU SCRUBLINGS!!!
A bunch of Crux underlings appear and pick up the parts of Poxten, soon scattering after they've got the pieces.
Rev and the gang can only back up at Karelia's frightening new form. She has become the form she had when she was a servant of Zalgo. She slowly turns to the gang and starts to stomp towards them.
Zach: Oh crap. ERR, SUGGESTIONS?!?
Karelia suddenly leaps forward.
Karelia: BOO!!
The gang jumps back. Karelia starts to laugh, and her body starts to change back to normal.
Umbra: W-What...?! She's turning back to normal??
Zach: What the hell happened??
Karelia: Hahah!! I scared you!
Rev: What the hell happened to you??
Karelia: I dunno! I guess being with Zalgo sorta left something inside of me. When I get angry, I turn into that monster-form!! I showed that stupid robot though, didn't I??
Zach: Damn right you did. Good job!
Karelia: Thanks!! So, are you all heading out now?
Rev: ...What? OH WAIT YEAH.
Umbra: You're acting odd, Revelian.
Rev: Huh? Oh, it's nothing. Just a little stressed, is all...
Zach: What's wrong with you?
Rev: It's nothing, really.
Umbra looks a bit anxious.
Zach: Well, that was a fun little diversion, but we've gotta go. Let's shove off, gang.
They all run off towards the mountains. Karelia waves at them as they go.
==Chapter 11 - "X" Marks the Spot==
~meanwhile, back at Crux HQ~
Poxten: Sweet Gaia and Chronos, that was brutal!
Crux underling 1: Yes, that was quite a pathetic battle, sir.
Poxten: What?
Crux underling 1: Um... nothing sir.
Poxten: That's what I thought. Hey, you!
Crux underling 2: Sir?
Poxten: Go tell Lord Crump they are on the move again. I can't have them getting another relic. Also, from what I know, they're heading towards the mountain! The second relic must be there!! Get a digging crew there, STAT!
Crux underling 2: Of course, sir.
The Crux underling runs off into another room.
Poxten: I hope Crump's new plans can take care of them them. They've failed before...
~back to our heroes~
Zach: So, lets see here... We are going to the mountains. We need to go fast. Do you think they've fixed the trains by now?
Rev: Don't know. We could check, but... Hold on.
Rev floats off somewhere.
Jast: What about the helicopters? The flight service offers flights to that area, but we'll have to navigate to the other side of the mountain ourselves.
Zach: Sounds like a plan to me? Rev, you ready?
Rev: Yeah, just checking for spies. Don't want them on our trail again.
Zach: To the airport!
They travel to the continental airport, where they hitch a helicopter flight to the west mountain. Its a nice helicopter. There is a separated room in the back where passengers ride with a cockpit in the front.
(on intercom) Pilot: Everyone alright back there?
They all confirm.
Pilot: Alright, we should be there in about 3 hours.
Zach: So, what should we do for the next few hours? We should have brought some games or something.
Umbra sighs, bored. She lays her head on Rev' lap and looks up at him with a smile on her face.
Rev: What're you doing?
Zach: except for being adorable...
Umbra: What do you mean??
Rev: You're lying on my lap and looking at me.
Umbra: Is that such a bad thing??
Rev: Well, no...
Umbra: I'm just bored, that's all...
Rev: Yeah.
Jast: Who isn't.
Rev: It's too bad you couldn't bring your children's card game with you.
Jast: Shaddup.
Zach: Heh.
Shakespeare is still passed out.
Rev starts to rub Umbra on top of her head as she closes her eyes and falls asleep. Rev soon falls asleep, as well.
Jast: They really do love each other, don't they?
Zach: Yeah.
Jast: How much longer are we gonna be? This is getting a bit dull.
Zach: Dunno... Well, I'm gonna take a nap, too.
Zach lies down on his seat and falls asleep.
Jast: Feh...
Jast looks at the scar on his chest... The memories of him getting shot still burn in his head. But he knows that he sort of asked for it... He shouldn't have done that to her... Jast shakes his head. He was starting to remember that terrible Cut incident again. He did some horrible things during that... But at least it was over, and bridges have been repaired. Jast closes his eye and falls asleep, as well.
Intercom: The flight will land in approximately five minutes.
Zach: wha- ugh... Oh, hey!
Zach nudges Rev on the shoulder.
Rev: Wha-what is it?
Zach: We're going to land soon.
Rev: Oh, alright... Umbra, Umbra wake up.
Umbra wakes up, as well as Jast and Shakespeare. They all look out the window, where they see the ground slowly approaching as they land. The helicopter touches ground as they blades begin to slow.
Intercom: The flight has landed. Have a nice day!
Zach: Alright, lets go! We've got a mountain to climb!
Rev: Or float over... heck, me and you can just fly, but Jast and Umbra can't. (even though they both have freaking wings...)
Umbra: Revelian, you know why I can't fly.
Rev: Yeah, I didn't mean anything by that,
Zach: But couldn't Astra fly?
Rev: Long story, Zach.
Zach: Ah...
Jast: Well, it looks like we'll have to do it the hard way.
==Chapter 12 - Over the Mountain==
They start to climb the mountain. Shakespeare and ZacharyX hop and fly from step to step as Rev simply floats over the rough terrain, occasionally giving Umbra or Jast a boost. As they climb higher, the mountain peaks begin to cover with snow.
Zach: Geez, it's cold out here. I don't know if we can go much longer...
Rev: Oh, we can make it. Just keep climbing, we'll get to the peak soon enough.
Jast: Ugh, I'm not exactly the young serrie I used to be, eh?
Zach: It's alright, we're almost there. From this point on it's all downhill.
Rev: Hold on... I have an idea. It might get us killed, but it's going to be fun.
Umbra: Revelian, what are you-?
Rev takes several large rocks and beats them around until they have a snowboard-like shape.
Rev: We're going to go down this piece of rock the fun way.
Zach: Heh, snowboarding? Sounds good to me!
Zach grabs a "snowboard" and jumps off into the downhill.
Jast: Hey! Wait for me!
Shakespeare: Eh, why not?
Jast heads off, Rev and Umbra follow, as well as Shakespeare. They continue to ride down the mountain.
~meanwhile, further down the hill...~
Crux underling 1: We're supposed to be watching for intruders, right?
Crux underling 2: Yeah, why?
Crux underling 1: I think I see something...
Crux underling 2: Where?
Crux underling 1: Up there! By that pine tree!
Crux underling 2: OH WELL THAT HELPS!!
Crux underling 1: YOU JUST SHUT U-
They continue to stand there and bicker, until...
THWUMP!
Umbra's snowboard bashes them and runs them over.
Umbra: Revelian, I think I hit something!
Rev: Probably nothing, we're almost there.
The two reach the bottom, where Zach, Jast, and Shakespeare are already waiting.
Rev: So was that fun or-
Zach: Ssshhh!
Rev: What?
Jast: They have sentries out here. Apparently they've already set up a digsite here.
Rev: Well, thats fan-tiddledy-tastic now isn't it? Wait, how the hell do they even KNOW about this?! This is on our half of the map!!
Zach: They must be just looking around everywhere. Let's shut this mini-digsite down.
Rev: Heh. This'll be simple.
Rev leaps out into the fray!! Some Crux underlings attack!
BATTLE: 3 Crux underlings!
Zach slices with his sword!
Crux underling 1 takes 4059 damage!
Crux underling 1 was defeated!
Rev: What weak enemies.
Jast fires an aura bolt!
Crux underling 2 takes 4059 damage!
Crux underling 2 was defeated!
Rev charges forward!!
Crux underling 3 takes 9493 damage!!
Crux underling 3 was defeated!
YOU WIN!!
Rev: Was that it?!
Zach: Yeesh.
Jast: Well, we've taken out the enemies in this area... So... What now?
Zach: Well... We need to find the relic. HEY A CAVE!!
Zach spots a cave nearby.
Zach: Hmm, I've never seen this cave before... Let's go in!!
The gang nods and runs inside of the cave...
Zach: Hey!! A wall of light! It's another interdimensional rift!
Rev: Great, wonder where we'll go this time?
Umbra: Wherever it is, we've gotta be ready!
Shakespeare: Indeed. Let's be cautious!
The gang leaps into the rift!!
==Chapter 13 - My Little Heroes==
The gang falls down from the sky and lands in a pile on top of each other.
Rev climbs to his feet.
Rev: Urgh... Where are we??
Zach: HOLY F/CK.
Rev turns to Zach... To see that he's become a lizard.
Umbra: I'm a sheep??
Jast: Oh Gog, really?? We're on Pragma??
Jast's animal form looks absolutely bizarre. He is a pegasus, but his head is the same as it was on Ludus.
Shakespeare: Why... Why am I a horse...?
Shakespeare had turned into a hairless, blue colt. His trademark mask still sits on his face.
Zach: It's Pragma. There's some bizarre magic net surrounding it that transforms anyone who enters into an alternate form.
Shakespeare: Then why hasn't he transformed??
Jast: Rev doesn't get affected by it because he's a negative. What a cheater.
Meanwhile... Outside of the cave... A bulky looking Crux underling appears. He seems to carry a commanding presence.
(NOTCRUMP): BAH! Hahah... Where is everyone?!
He sees several Crux underling bodies on the ground.
(NOTCRUMP): THEY TOOK OUT HALF THE FREAKING SQUADRON?! I think I'll have to show them to my newest creation.
(NOTCRUMP) hustles off somewhere. Hydraulics and rumbling can be heard from a small area around. (NOTCRUMP) appears again in what seems to be a bulky robotic suit.
(NOTCRUMP): Hah! I can't wait to test this one out!!
~meanwhile~
Zach: So, apparently there is a relic on, Pragma, is it, through a mysterious cave that leads to a portal. What are the odds?
Umbra: Well, at least Astra's gone, so we shouldn't have trouble getting to anything. The problem is, where could it be?
Rev: Probably somewhere important. I think I might know where it is.
Zach: Where's that?
Umbra: Astra's old home, that's what you mean, right?
Rev: Yes.
Umbra: I feel like I remember her hiding something at one point... let's check it out.
Jast: Alright! We have to hurry. I feel like someone's going to catch us in here...
At this point they can all fly. They all fly to their destination, a grand palace, resting in the sky itself. It's completely abandoned.
Umbra: Her bedroom. Somewhere in there. Go.
They all go to Astra's bedroom, where they all frantically search for the second relic.
Jast digs through some drawers.
Jast: Nope!
Zach looks inside of a treasury-room.
Zach: Nothing here!
Rev looks inside of her closet. He pulls out a strap-on.
Rev: EUGH!!! NO, IT'S NOT IN HERE.
Umbra: Hey, wait! I think I found something!
Over on the dresser, Umbra finds a big jewelry case. She opens it up. Inside is a necklace, with a large pendant and a shining rainbow jewel in the center.
Zach: That HAS to be it!
Umbra: Definitely, now let's get out of here.
They rush into the grand hall.
rumble...
Rev: What the...
rumble...
Jast: What's going on here?
Some rubble falls from the ceiling, which then collapses, scattering dust across the hall.
Umbra: *Cough cough!*...what's going on?
(NOTCRUMP): Bahaha!
A giant robot falls down from the ceiling! Inside is (NOTCRUMP)... Who's also taken on an animal form.
Rev: Who the hell are you?
(NOTCRUMP): I am (NOTCRUMP), the tip top servant of Sir Poxten! Now! You will all be crushed!
Rev: More generic dialogue!
Zach: We're all helpless creatures! What do we do?!
Rev: I'll have to take this guy myself.
Umbra: Be careful, Revelian!
Rev: Tch, please. Compared to what I've fought before, this guy's a joke.
(NOTCRUMP): NOW! Taste the crushing power of my latest creation! ! Prepare to be annihilated! Bahah!
===BOSS BATTLE: MECHSUIT!!===
Rev charges forward!
Mechsuit takes 1503 damage!
Mechsuit stomps with a big foot!
Rev takes 3049 damage!
Rev attacks with a spiked mace!!!
Mechsuit takes 5960 damage!!
Mechsuit shoots missiles!!
Rev takes 3021 damage!
Zach: Ugh! Isn't there anything we can do??
Jast: Wait, can't we use magic??
Umbra: ...
Jast and Umbra run forward!!
Jast and Umbra joined the party!!
Jast fires an aura bolt!!
Mechsuit takes 2039 damage!!
Umbra attacks with Dark Magic!!
Mechsuit takes 4093 damage!!!
Mechsuit does a body slam!!!
Rev takes 5069 damage!
Jast takes 9053 damage!!!
Umbra takes 4059 damage!
Rev: ENOUGH OF THIS POINTLESS SHIT!!
Rev activates KAISER MODE!!!!
Rev charges forward!!!
Mechsuit takes 69,502 damage!!!! 
(NOTCRUMP): WHAT THE?!?
The robot explodes!
YOU WIN!!
(NOTCRUMP) flies out and hits a wall. Rev angrily stomps towards him.
(NOTCRUMP): Hah... Ow...
Rev grabs him by the neck.
(NOTCRUMP): FehuhFUck
Rev: So, you're Poxtens' main man, right?
(NOTCRUMP): ...Maybe.
Rev: So, you might know where the other relics are, right??
(NOTCRUMP): ...Maybe.
Rev: STOP SAYING MAYBE.
(NOTCRUMP): ...MaybeOK OK BLUH.
Rev: So, where are the other relics?
(NOTCRUMP): Poxtens' has already gotten them...
Rev: And where IS Poxten?!
(NOTCRUMP): Buh huh... I won't tell!!
Rev: That's a bad answer.
(NOTCRUMP): BITE ME!!
Rev rips off his mask and bites him.
(NOTCRUMP): AHAHA WHAT THE FUCK?! THIS GUY'S A MONSTER!!!
Rev: WHERE IS HE?!?
(NOTCRUMP): HE'S AT SOME OLD CASTLE!! IT'S IN SOME SNOWY PLACE OR SOMETHING!! 
Rev picks up (NOTCRUMP) and throws him far into the distance.
Rev: Let's fucking go.
They turn to leave. Outside, however...
Rev: Oh God.
Jast: Err... I think they're still pissed about their queen's sealing.
Outside is a massive, angry mob.
Zach: Uhh... Yeeeah.
Jast: Who's ready to fly?
The gang flies up into the air and flies away from the angry mob.
Rev: Let's get through the portal before we get jumped by angry pegasi.
They see the portal and fly up through it.
The gang goes flying out of the cave.
Rev: Well, that's two of the relics...
Zach: So, Poxten has the other two. At least we're dead-tied, right?
Umbra: Yeah...
Jast: So, Poxten is at the snowfield palace, huh? It's right near here.
Rev: "Near" is a loose term. It'll take us a while to get there... It's still quite a distance away.
Zach: Great. Now what?
Shakespeare: I don't know about you guys, but I'm getting pretty sick of this myself. Feh. I'm going to the Inn bar again to get drunk. Later.
Shakespeare flies off.
Rev: PUSSY!
Zach: Ugh, whatever. So what are we gonna do now?
Rev: *Sigh*. Although I hate to say this, we're gonna have to head back home and plan for another day. It's already starting to get dark, and if we try and move during the night, you'll all freeze.
Zach: What about you?
Rev: Me? I'll be fine.
Jast: *Facepalm*
Rev: Alright, gather around...
Rev warps them all off back to their homes.
Meanwhile, at the snowfield palace...
Poxten: Feh. That imbecile failed me. Now those idiots have two of the relics, AND probably know where we are!
Poxten opens up a secret chamber and walks inside. The room is pitched black. Two eyes open up and glare at him.
???: Report.
Poxten: The enemies have obtained another relic. We have the other two, but we have reason to believe they know where we are now.
???: We need them all. Please do not fail me.
Poxten: Yes, I apologize...
???: Get to it.
Poxten turns and leaves the room.
Meanwhile...
Rev and Umbra walk in and sit down. Umbra sits next to Rev. She leans on him.
Umbra: Revelian, can I ask you something?
Rev: Yes?
Umbra: Have you ever just gotten sick of always going on these adventures?
Rev: Huh?
Umbra: I mean, it's only been a week since you were revived, and we're already right back into another battle... When this is over, you and me are just going to... disappear... for a while. We'll leave Solaria under Crone's care, and we'll just go away... for a while... Just you and me...
As she says this, she shifts over towards him, and starts to rub his face with her hand and looks into his eye.
Umbra: How does that sound...?
Rev: Perfect.
The two start to kiss. Umbra falls back on the couch as she does so...
However, a door upstairs opens up, and Crone runs down the stairs.
Crone: Hello?? I thought I heard- OH GEEZ.
Rev and Umbra climb back up off of each other.
Umbra: Oh geez, s-sorry Crone!! I forgot you were still here!!
Crone: Err... Yeah... So are you two back?
Rev: For tonight, anyways...
Crone: Oh. Ok then, so you do want me to come back tomorrow?
Rev: Very much so, yes. I think tomorrow'll be the last day, though
Crone: Alright, since you two are here, I'm gonna head out, ok? The baby's already been put to bed.
Umbra: Ok. Thanks, Crone.
Crone nods and leaves.
Rev: *Sigh.* What a way to kill the moment...
Umbra, however, kisses him again.
Umbra: Well, we'll just have to try again, won't we?
She giggles seductively and pushes Rev onto the couch, crawling on top of him.
Meanwhile, Jast silently opens the door to his house. He walks inside and lies down on his bed.
Jast: It's been a rough day... I'll be glad to get some sleep.
Jast closes his eyes and falls asleep.
Terror.
That describes the feeling he had. Memories of the terrible Cut incident flashes through his mind. When he was lying on the bed, surrounded by clown-demons, and a flash revealed he was in a hospital surrounded by nurses and doctors. How he stood over Rev' bloody, lifeless corpse, laughing maniacally. How he was trapped in the cage, and a vengeful woman walked forward to snatch his life away.
Umbra: So you're the son of a bitch who stood there while the love of my life died...
POW!!
He felt the same pain from when he was shot. He stood there, in front of his demonic 8th form.
Cut: SHE KILLED HER.
A flash of light, and Jast woke up, in a cold sweat.
Jast: Damnit... Another nightmare... Ever since that damned Cut incident, these nightmares have been plaguing me... I have to get to sleep... I can't let some stupid nightmare bother me...
Jast goes back to sleep...
Meanwhile, Zach silently walks towards his castle. He spots the Lake nearby... Should he visit her? He remembers Jast's advice... "It would be good for the both of you."
Zach nods his head and walks towards the house. He knocks on the door. Karelia answers it.
Karelia: O-Oh, hi Zachary... You're already back...?
Zach: Yeah, we got done...
Karelia: Well, aren't you going to come in?
Zach nods, and walks inside. An hour and about 9 beers later, and they're already pushing each other upstairs.
==Chapter 14 - Seriously Guys, File:Chilled.PNG Out.==
The next morning...
Rev opens his eye. Umbra is still slumped on top of him on the couch. Her hot, strained breath constantly puffs on his neck.
Despite this, something was wrong.
Rev raises up, nearly causing Umbra to fall off. She wakes up and scrambles off of him as he rolls over and falls to the floor.
Umbra: Revelian! What's the matter with you?? Revelian!!
Rev lies on the floor, red energy sparking off of him.
Umbra: Oh God, Revelian!! What's happening to you?! Hold on, I'll call for help!!
Umbra runs off and gets on the phone. Soon, Jast shows up and bursts in.
Jast: Umbra, what's- Oh Gog, get some clothes on!
Umbra realizes she forgot to put her clothes on.
Umbra: D-damnit, sorry!
She runs off. A few seconds later, she comes running back, slipping her shirt on as she does so.
Jast: So what's going on with Rev?! Why is he sparking like that?!
Umbra: I-I don't know! He rolled over while I was on top of him, nearly pushing me off! He fell to the door and started doing that!
Jast: Argh! I'll get Zach!!
Jast goes to a phone and dials Zach's number. No answer.
Jast: Damnit! He must still be asleep.
Umbra: What now??
Jast: Ugh, I'll have to call Sauphara. She knows what to do!
Jast pulls out a black stone and squeezes it. Soon, Sauphara warps inside of the castle.
Sauphara: Yes??
Jast: Rev. ON THE GROUND. Umbra FREAKING OUT. HELP.
Sauphara dashes over towards Rev, who's lying on the ground.
Sauphara: Alright alright, lemme scan him...
Sauphara scans him, nods, and raises up.
Sauphara: He's not hurt, or anything. Someone put a spell on him that forces him into a paralyzed state.
Jast: And how do we fix this??
Sauphara: You can't. It goes away after a while.
Jast: HOW LONG?
Sauphara: ...Eheh... About a week??
Jast: WHAT?!? WE CAN'T WAIT A WHOLE F/CKING WEEK FOR HIM!!
Sauphara: Hmm. I guess you need my help, then. I'm the closest thing to him.
Jast: Yeah. And where the hell is Zach??
Umbra: ...
Jast: ...
Jast/Umbra: Karelia 's house.
Sauphara: I'll watch Rev. You go and get Zach.
Jast: Right! Come on, Umbra.
Umbra and Jast run out and head towards the lake house.
At the house...
Zach finally wakes up.
Zach: Ugh, where am... I'm back here again, aren't I?
Karelia was picking up some trash off of the floor. She turns towards him.
Karelia: It's about time you woke up! Your cell phone was ringing.
Zach leaps out of the bed and grabs it.
Zach: It was from Jast. Ah, crap!! I overslept!!
Karelia: Well, I guess you're off again...
Zach: Yeah...
Karelia: ...I had fun, Zach.
Zach: ...Yeah, I guess I did too.
Karelia: How do you GUESS at something like that?
Zach: ...No idea.
Karelia laughs. Zach nervously laughs as well, and turns to leave.
Zach: Later!
Karelia waves at him as he runs downstairs and out the front door. He runs into Jast and Umbra.
Jast: There you are!! I've been trying to get a hold of you!
Zach: Yeah yeah yeah let's go!
Jast: We have a problem.
Zach: What??
Jast: Rev. Someone put a spell on him, and now he can't move!
Zach: Oh come on!!
Jast: Yeah, I know! We came to get you and then go back to the castle.
Zach: Ok, well, let's go!
They all run back to the castle. Inside, Sauphara's sitting on a couch, waiting.
Zach: So you can't do anything??
Sauphara: Nope, sorry. The spell wears off after a while, so all we can do is either wait or head off without him.
Jast: And we're not gonna wait a week for him.
Zach: Alright, Sauphara. So you're gonna come with us?
Sauphara: That's the plan.
Zach: Okay, I'll call Crone and say that he's here, too, and she needs to come watch them both.
Zach gets on the phone, and soon comes back.
Zach: Alright, she's gonna be here soon. Shall we head off?
Umbra: Wait, what about Shakespeare?
Zach: Oh, to hell with him. He chickened out on us, so he can stay and get hammered at the bar.
The others nod and head off.
Back at the ice palace...
Poxten walks inside of the secret chamber. The two green eyes open up and look at him.
Poxten: I have just pacified their strongest warrior... He won't be back in action for a while now.
???: Good.
Poxten exits.
Poxten: Why go to the relics, when I can let the relics come to me? I'll bet they're headed here right now, into my headquarters. Come, fools!
A couple of Crux underlings walks in.
Poxten: Be prepared for intrusion. They come.
Crux underling: Of course, sir. On it.
Several alarms go off as they prepare for intruders.
==Chapter 15 - Breaching the Fortress==
Zach: I'll bet you all I've got they're going to have more than those weaklings we found at the digsite.
Umbra: Definitely. We should probably try to find an alternate entrance.
Zach: I don't know if there are any... We might just have to do this the hard way.
Jast: Ooh, boy...
Sauphara: There it is.
The palace can finally be seen through the blizzard-like fog. Nothing seems different.
Zach: Nothing? No arms? Hrm... well, lets just be vigilant. You'll never know what comes next with Poxten.
The gang gets closer to the palace.
Jast: That palace looks different, alright. It looks more... mechanical.
Zach: Poxtens' work, most likely.
Umbra: ...
Zach: Do you miss him already, Umbra?
Umbra: Yeah...
Jast: ...
Zach: Jast, what is it?
Jast: N-Nothing... Let's keep moving...
Jast hurries along. The others look confused, but soon follow him. They soon come upon a large, metal door that leads to the castle.
Zach: Umbra, if you would do the honors...
Umbra smiles and nods, aiming the XM-6000 at the door and launching a rocket, blowing the door down. A bunch of Crux underlings run forward, only to get decimated by another rocket.
Umbra: Shall we?
She giggles and walks forward, past the defeated Crux underlings.
Crux underling: BRACE YOURSELVES!!! BRING OUT THE GUNNERS!!
A few other Crux underlings run into the fray. They appear normal, but wearing black and red clothing as well as carrying weaponry. They begin to shoot blasts at the gang.
ZacharyX: Oh *dodges one* crap! Guys, take cover!
Everyone hides behind a few panels.
Umbra fires a shot, hitting one of the gunners.
Crux Gunner: Damnit! I'm down! Ugh...
Crux Gunner 2: Keep it up guys!!
They shoot and dodge for a few minutes. Umbra gets irritated after seeing even more Crux underlings appear.
Umbra: I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT!!
Umbra pulls out her Heavy Machine Gun... And dual wields it with the XM-6000. Rambo style. She unloads into the Crux underling hordes.
Crux underling: What the heck is... OH SH-
The Crux underling get torn to shreds. More join their place to die as well.
A variety of explosions, gunfire, gas-can launches, and death later...
Zach peers out of his cover.
Zach: HOLY SHIT.
The others peer out as well.
There are Crux underling corpses all over the floor. Bullet holes and burning corpses also line the hall. The hallway itself is generally decimated from the rocket blasts and gas-can launches.
Umbra: I guess I just lost my temper, hehe...
Jast: Moral: Don't f/ck with Umbra. Good Gog.
Sauphara: Monster kill.
Zach: Come on! Not much further!
They rush through some rooms, using various methods to kill Crux underlings as they go.
Zach: Here it is...
At the control room, Poxten has just witnessed what happened.
Poxten: ARE YOU SERIOUSLY TELLING ME THAT I AM GOING TO FIGHT THAT CRAZY BITCH?! HOLY CRAP. SHE UTTERLY ANNIHILATED THOSE GUARDS!!
Suddenly, the door to the control room gets blown open. Umbra stomps inside, enraged. She points the gun at Poxten, but can't fire.
Umbra: Damn, outta ammo for this... Good thing I have backup.
She puts the gun away and pulls out the Heavy Machine Gun. Zach and the others soon make it as well.
Zach: Sheesh... Umbra... Don't run like that... I know you like killing these guys, but... *HUFF* HEY, THERE'S POXTEN!!
Poxten: AH SHIT!!
???: Give them to me.
Poxten turns and runs off!!
Umbra: GET BACK HERE YOU MECHANICAL PUSSY!!
Zach and the others give chase. Poxten makes it to the secret chamber and he throws the other two relics inside- One is a large, black crest, and the other is a blood-red anchor.
Something absorbs the two relics.
???: I need time.
Poxten: OH YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME.
???: I will assist you.
Poxten spins around as the gang approaches.
Umbra: END OF THE LINE, BITCH.
Zach: Yeesh, Umbra, you're pissed, aren't you?
Umbra: I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THESE MOTHER F*CKING ADVENTURES RUINING ME AND MY HUSBAND'S MOTHER F*CKING PLANS!!
Poxten: WHO'S YOUR HUSBAND?!? THAT ONE EYED GUY!? REVELIAN, WAS THAT IT??
Umbra: DAMNED RIGHT HE IS. AND IF HE WAS HERE, HE WOULD BE PLAYING WITH YOUR DECAPITATED HEAD LIKE A SOCCER BALL RIGHT NOW!! SO YA KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO?! I'M GONNA TEAR YOUR HEAD OFF AND PLAY WITH IT MYSELF!!
Zach: YEAH! LET'S TAKE HIM DOWN!!
Poxten: ENOUGH OF THIS INSOLENCE!! I'LL TAKE YOU ALL DOWN!!
==Chapter 16 - EPIC FAIL==
BOSS BATTLE: POXTEN!! 
Poxten raises his staff threateningly! (Wut)
Poxten summons 4 drones!
Zach used PSI Fire!
Poxten didn't take any damage!
Drone 1 took 2039 damage!
Drone 1 was destroyed!
Drone 2 took 2391 damage!
Drone 2 was destroyed!
Drone 3 took 2930 damage!
Drone 3 was destroyed!
Drone 4 took 3000 damage!
Drone 4 was destroyed!!
Poxten: WHAT THE FUCK MAN!?
Umbra unloads with the Machine Gun!!
Poxten takes 9604 damage!!
Poxten was defeated!!
YOU WIN!!
Zach: Oh, aheh, wow... That was pretty sad.
Poxten: HOW THE HELL DID YOU BEAT ME SO FAST?!?!
Jast: Should've invested more into stamina, buddy.
Poxten: ARE YOU SHITTING ME?!?
???: Now, feel my power. 
Suddenly, bolt of energy strikes Poxten!!
Poxten: AHH!!! THIS FEELING... I... FEEL... GOOD!!!
Poxtens' body starts to grow. His helmet breaks away, revealing his machine-like face. His body gets significantly more buff, and he now towers over the gang. 
Poxten: WOW. THIS FEELING... IT'S FREAKING AWESOME!! NOW THEN, WHO'S READY TO HAVE THEIR ASSES STOMPED?!?!
==Chapter 16.5 - Actual Poxten Battle==
BOSS BATTLE: GIGA-POXTEN!!
Giga-Poxten storms over and delivers an uppercut!!
Umbra takes 14301 damage!!! Umbra was knocked down!!
Second attack!
Giga-Poxten spins his staff around! He summons powerful ice!!
Umbra takes 7060 damage!!
Umbra got hurt and collapsed...
Giga-Poxten: STUPID BITCH!! WHO'S GONNA KNOCK THE HEAD OFF OF WHO, NOW?!? I LOVE BEING STRONG!!!
Zach used PSI Freeze!
Giga-Poxten didn't take any damage!
Jast used PSI Thunder!!
Giga-Poxten takes 3021 damage!! Giga-Poxten was knocked down!
Second attack!
Jast used healing science!!
Umbra was revived with 5000 HP!
Giga-Poxten climbs to his feet!
Umbra: YOU BITCH!!
Umbra unloads with the Machine Gun!!
Giga-Poxten takes 2950 damage!
Sauphara launches bloody tears!!
Umbra recovers 10000 HP!!
Giga-Poxten storms over and delivers an uppercut!!
Umbra dodges just in time!!
Giga-Poxten: STAY STILL YOU SCRUBBLING!!
Giga-Poxten attacks again!! (HAAAAAAAX!)
Umbra ducks under the blow!!
Zach slices with his sword!!
Giga-Poxten takes 940 damage!
Jast used PSI Thunder!!
Giga-Poxten takes 3495 damage! Giga-Poxten was knocked down!!
Second attack!
Jast used PSI Thunder!!
Giga-Poxten takes 3705 damage!
Giga-Poxten leaps to his feet!
Umbra unloads with the Machine Gun!
Giga-Poxten takes 2504 damage!
Sauphara uses Mind Charge! Next PSI attack will have double damage!!
Giga-Poxten charges up energy!!
Zach slices with his sword!
Giga-Poxten takes 807 damage!
Jast used PSI Thunder!!
Giga-Poxten takes 3095 damage! Giga-Poxten was knocked down!!
Second attack!
Jast used PSI Thunder!
Giga-Poxten takes 3840 damage!
Giga-Poxten leaps to his feet!
COUNTER ATTACK!!
Giga-Poxten: NOW!! DIE!!!
Giga-Poxten launches a wave of flames!!!
Zach takes 12,456 damage! Zach was burned!
Jast takes 14,003 damage! Jast was burned!
Umbra takes 11,997 damage! Umbra was burned!
Giga-Poxten: NO MORE F/CKING AROUND!!!
Giga-Poxten activates Time Slow! Giga-Poxten can attack twice per turn!
Umbra unloads with the Machine Gun!
Giga-Poxten takes 2384 damage!
Umbra takes 1000 burn damage!
Sauphara used PSI Thunder!!
Giga-Poxten takes 7839 damage!! Giga-Poxten was knocked down!
Second attack!
Sauphara launched bloody tears!
The gang recovers 8000 HP!
Giga-Poxten: STUPID BLOODY HEALER!!
Giga-Poxten spins his staff around! He summons powerful ice!
Sauphara takes 6493 damage!
Giga-Poxten launches a wave of flames!!
Jast takes 12583 damage!
Umbra takes 10933 damage!
Sauphara takes 9783 damage!
Sauphara was burned!
Zach slices with his sword!
Giga-Poxten takes 483 damage!
Zach takes 1000 burn damage!
Jast used PSI Healing!
Everyone's burn was healed!
Umbra unloads with the Machine Gun!
Giga-Poxten takes 2748 damage!
Sauphara used PSI Thunder!
Giga-Poxten takes 3857 damage!
Giga-Poxten was knocked down!
Sauphara launches bloody tears!
The gang recovers 9000 HP!
Giga-Poxten storms over and and delivers an uppercut!!
Zach takes 12038 damage!! Zach was knocked down!
Second attack!
Giga-Poxten hammer-fists the ground!
Zach takes 15948 damage!!!
Zach got hurt and collapsed...
Giga-Poxten pelvic thrusts and slams his staff into the ground! A massive thunderbolt strikes!!
Sauphara takes 12019 damage!
Jast used healing science! Zach was revived with 5000 HP!
Umbra unloads with the Machine Gun!
Giga-Poxten takes 2940 damage!
Sauphara used PSI Thunder!
Giga-Poxten takes 3596 damage! Giga-Poxten was knocked down!
Sauphara used PSI Thunder!
Giga-Poxten takes 3490 damage!
Giga-Poxten: WHAT THE FUCK!?!? HOW COULD I BE BEATEN!?!
Giga-Poxten falls down!
YOU WIN!!
Poxten: ARGH!! HOW DID YOU BEAT ME?! EVEN AFTER ASTERION POWERED ME UP...
Umbra: Who...?
Zach walks over to Poxten and kicks him. knocking him down.
Zach: Who's "Asterion"??
Poxten: Ergh... 
Umbra points the Machine Gun at his face.
Umbra: Now do you care to talk?
Poxten: SUCK IT!!
Umbra shoots him in the leg.
Umbra: FUCKING ANSWER US. OR DO I HAVE TO HAVE SAUPHARA BLAST YOU WITH MORE THUNDER!?!
Poxten: OK OK OK I'LL TALK!! Asterion is one of-
Suddenly, a massive blast of energy decimates Poxten!!
Zach: HOLY CRAP!!
???: Quiet.
Zach: Who's there?! Are you Asterion???
Asterion: I am.
The gang looks inside of the secret chamber. The two glowing eyes glare at them.
Asterion: I'm going to need those.
Asterion blasts them all with a powerful bolt of electricity!! Umbra and Zach drop the relics...Tendrils of energy snatch them and draw them towards the eyes.
Asterion: Finally... freedom.
==Chapter 17 - End of the World==
The chamber begins to rumble, suddenly the dark area flashes, and the invisible barrier breaks, causing a small shockwave. Asterion moves out of the dark area. Asterion appears a very tall, white-hooded figure. Glowing eyes can be seen piercing behind a cloak that covers would may have been the face of the being.
Zachary: Who the hell are you? What do you want with those?
Asterion: If you seek the truth, that is fair. I am one of several beings who have overseen this world long before even your ancestors. Against their judgment, I deemed this realm corrupted, and unworthy of existence. I seek to destroy it.
Umbra: DESTROY IT?
Asterion: Yes.
Umbra backs up.
Asterion: They reeled in horror, and sealed me away. I was trapped, until this being, Poxten, as you formerly knew, discovered my presence. He would make me free, in return for my assistance with his own greivances. However, I have neither the will nor the ability to grant his wishes. He was corrupted by his own desires, and will be annihilated along with the rest.
Asterion extended a limb.
Asterion: The time has come. I will offer you mercy, once. Take it, or be doomed.
Zach: I'd die for this world before I let you take it out! I'd say my friends say the same!
Jast: Of course! I like this old dirt ball just the way it is!
Umbra: I would never leave this world, or Revelian, not for your horrendous antics!
Sauphara: Of course not! This is the one place I've finally found happiness in!!
Asterion: So be it.
Zach: Not if I have anything to say about it!
Zachary lunges towards Asterion and slashes, only to bounce off. Asterion didn't suffer a scratch.
Asterion: Your power is nothing, and you will die. Except for you...
Suddenly, Asterion's limbs reach out of the room and grab Umbra!!
Umbra: H-Hey!!
Asterion: You, of dark complexion... Surely, you will serve as a faithful ally in my new conquest for purificatioin.
Jast: WHAT IS IT WITH EVERYONE TRYING TO GET Umbra?! I MEAN GOD. Sauphara'S PERFECTLY FINE, AND SHE'S A CHICK!!
Zach gives Jast a weird look. Sauphara proceeds to backhand Jast.
Asterion: Now I must go. Your deaths will be over quickly.
Asterion warps off, with Umbra.
Zach: Damnit!! Asterion has her!!
Sauphara: Where did Asterion go??
Jast: No idea. Must've gone somewhere off of the planet. I mean, Mobius Dick here is gonna destroy it...
Zach: We've gotta go stop that from happening!
Sauphara: Ok, let's investigate the bass to see if Poxten has anything useful here...
The gang splits up.
Zach: Hey, look! It's a diagram for something...
On a large monitor is what looks like a hologram for a giant battleship.
Zach: The Biome Buster... Says here that it is specifically designed to eliminate the atmosphere of a planet, causing it to be burned away by the sun...
Jast: So you're telling me that this thing is where Asterion would be?
Sauphara: Yes, says here that the machine was completed some time ago... Poxten was just collecting the relics for Asterion.
Zach: So this thing must be orbiting the atmosphere! We've gotta get on that ship and stop Asterion!!
Jast: But how??
Sauphara gives Jast an irritated look.
Sauphara: BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE THE ABILITY TO FLY THROUGH SPACE, DON'T I?
Jast: You can take us with you?
Sauphara facepalms.
Zach: Yes, Jast, she can.
Voice: Hey, WAIT UP!!
Zach: -the?
Rushing footsteps are heard rushing down the hall.
Zach: Oh no...
Karelia : Hey, guys!!
Zach: What the hell are you doing? Did you follow us here?
Karelia: Of course! I wouldn't want to stand around when you guys need help!
Zach: That's kind of you, but, you could get killed!
Jast: You're not even armed!
Karelia: I picked up some of Umbra's old guns at Revelian's place.
Zach: Are you sure you want to do this? I mean, the guy we're going up against is probably not going to be as easy to decimate as Poxten was.
Karelia: Then all the more help you need, huh?
Sauphara: She has a point. There's only 3 of us.
Zach: Sigh... fine. Don't say I didn't warn you..
Karelia: Yay! Adventure!
Sauphara encircles them in a type of forcefield and launches into space.
~back on the Biome Buster~
Umbra: You freak! You think I'd ever even consider being the queen of your twisted world? GO F/CK YOURSELF.
Asterion: Let us agree to disagree.
Umbra: What's that supposed to mean?
Asterion: Your mind is troubled. I will cleanse it of past memory.
Umbra: WHAT?!
Asterion: This will ease your struggle.
Umbra simply cries for help.
Asterion raises a hand. A bright blue glow covers Umbra... When it dissipates, she simply stares blankly.
Meanwhile...
Sauphara smashes through the wall of the Biome Buster. The ship is massive, but it seems to be deserted.
Zach: Hm, I guess they never got any Crux underlings here. Wouldn't matter, they're cake to kill anyways.
Jast: Our best bet is to destroy the power core of this place. If we take it down, the whole ship will come crashing down!
Sauphara: Right then, let's go!
The gang runs down the hallway towards the power core... When they get there...
==Chapter 18 - Perfect Queen==
Inside of the core room is Umbra...
Zach: Umbra!! Are you alright?
Sauphara: Watch out, I sense something wrong with her...
Karelia: Hey, are you ok...??
Umbra spins around and fires a shot out of her Heavy Machine Gun!!
Zach: ACK!! Watch out, Asterion must have her under mind control or something!
Umbra: You insolent swines should have followed me and my sovereign...
Zach: Your sovereign...?! Umbra, Asterion is controlling you!!
Umbra: Silence. I'm doing this of my own will. Now then... I'll kill you all myself!
Jast: Gogdamnit, we've gotta fight Umbra!!
BOSS BATTLE: Umbra!!
Karelia: I'll stop her...
Karelia steps forward.
Zach: KARIE, DON'T KILL HER.
Karelia starts laughing, sounding insane. She falls to her knees, and stands up, having transformed into her corrupted form.
Karelia: TIME TO KNOCK HER ASS OUT.
Suddenly, a twisted, demonic floating head appears.
Demonic Head: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Umbra was knocked out!!
YOU WIN!!
Jast: MY POOR EARS. WHAT IN THE SWEET HOLY JEGUS CHRYSLER WAS THAT?!?
Karelia turns back into her normal form.
Karelia: Just an old friend. Thanks, [REDACTED]!
[REDACTED] vanishes.
The gang runs towards Umbra's unconscious form.
Zach: Hopefully, that... Whatever that was... knocked Asterion's influence out of her.
Umbra soon regains consciousness. She looks at the gang, confused.
Umbra: Who...
Zach: Umbra, you're ok!!
Umbra: Who art thou?!
Jast: Oh geez.
Sauphara: I think Asterion drained her memory...
Umbra: Why art I in such a wretched, filthy place?! Answer me, peasants!!
Zach: Ergh, we can't worry about her right now. We've gotta stop Asterion!!
Umbra: What be with thy and thou broken Common?!
Jast: THIS ISN'T ANCIENT TIMES, WONANA.
Umbra: Witchcraft!!
Zach facepalms.
Zach: Let's just go! We'll find a way to fix her memory later! We've gotta stop Asterion!!
The gang runs off, leaving Umbra behind.
Umbra: GET BACK HERE, YE UNGODLY PEASANTS!! EXPLAIN THIS WITCHCRAFT!!!
She runs after them.
==Chapter 19 - Reject==
The gang runs inside of the power room. Inside, a massive core sits below them. Asterion stands at the far end of the room.
Asterion: Did you already break her from me? Impressive, but you're too late.
Zach: NO!!
Asterion: If you must insist on standing in my way... then I will cleanse you from this planet myself...
===FINAL BOSS BATTLE: Asterion!!===
Zach slices with his sword!
No damage to Asterion!!
Jast fires an aura bolt!
No damage to Asterion!!
Sauphara used PSI Freeze!
No damage to Asterion!
Karelia fires a stake!!
No damage to Asterion!
Asterion summons powerful lightning!!
Zach takes 49302 damage!!
Zach got hurt and collapsed...
Jast takes 34950 damage!!
Jast got hurt and collapsed...
Sauphara takes 30402 damage!!
Sauphara got hurt and collapsed...
Karelia took 60630 damage!!
Karelia got hurt and collapsed...
You lost the battle...
Zach: Ugh!! We can't do shit to Asterion!!
Asterion: With the power of the ancients, I am invincible. It is time to say goodbye.
Asterion turns towards the power core and prepares to activate the Biome Buster. But suddenly, Rev smashes through the wall!!
Asterion turns around in surprise.
Rev: Did you really think that a simple paralysis spell would keep me down?? FUCK no!!
Asterion: It doesn't matter. Even your strongest warrior will fall.
Zach: Rev, Asterion's right... We couldn't even DAMAGE this guy!
Rev charges at Asterion and slashes, but the sword bounces off.
Rev: I think I know what this calls for...
Rev summons the power of the KAISER!!
Asterion: What is this?
Rev charges at Asterion!
BOSS BATTLE: Asterion (Round two)
Rev charges forward!!
2039 damage to Asterion!!
Asterion: Impossible...
Asterion summons powerful lightning!!
Rev takes 3049 damage!
Rev' KAISER mode faded...
Asterion: Oh... how pathetic.
Asterion summons powerful lightning!
Rev takes 40493 damage!
Rev got hurt and collapsed...
You lost the battle...
Asterion continues to blast Rev with the lightning!!
Asterion: The longer you all struggle, the longer you will suffer.
Zach: Rev!!
Karelia: Someone help him...!!
Jast: There's nothing we can do... He's too strong!
Rev continues to get electrocuted by Asterion. But suddenly, something lifts up Asterion from behind!!
Zach: Who the... Poxten...!?!
Poxten carries Asterion over to an open grating in the floor.
Asterion: What? How?
Asterion blasts Poxten with lightning, but Poxten endures it and makes it to the open grating. He throws Asterion inside!!
Asterion lands inside of the power core, and both of their energies combine, causing a massive explosion! The explosion annihilates Asterion and destroys the power core!!
Zach: We were saved by Poxten??!
Poxten: I AM SICK TO DEATH OF ALL OF THESE HIGHER-POWER ASSHOLES BETRAYING ME!!
Umbra finally arrives.
Umbra: WHY ART THOU RUNNING FROM ME?!?
Poxten: OH SHUT UP ALREADY.
Poxten teleports all of them out as the ship explodes.
==Chapter 20 - The Last Chapter==
They appear in front of Zach's castle. Poxten stoops down, clearly exhausted.
Rev: Okay, don't think you're getting away with what you've done, now. I don't play forgive-me.
Poxten: No... I have no desire to resist you any longer. As a matter of fact, I have sustained very heavy damage. I... I am running on borrowed time as of n-n-now.
Jast: You're going to die? Sort of?
Poxten: In basic t-t-erms yes. I...I...have something to tell you, Zachary...
Zach: What do you need to tell me?
Poxten: It was a long time...time...time ag-. It's...
Zach: Yes?
Poxten: My senses fade... I kne- kne - knew y-
Zach: Stay with us! Try!
Poxten: I knew your... g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g........ra- zzzzzzrrrp.
Jast: Poxten?
Poxten: ..............
Sauphara: He's gone.
Zach: Now what do we do? I wish I knew what he said... I wonder.
Rev: What do we do with him?
Jast: Well, do you think he's really dead? I mean, he is a robot, sort of... thing.
Rev: I don't know, but all I know is I've got to figure out what the hell to do with Umbra.
Umbra stands nearby, inspecting a plant. She hears Rev say her name. She storms over to him.
Umbra: YOU!! Ye cyclops!! What be with ye and this bizarre planet?! WHERE IS MY SISTER?!
Rev facepalms.
Jast: What a c/ckblocker.
Rev: Oh shut up. We just need to get her memory back.
Sauphara: Sadly, I can't use "memory" magic. Eheh.
The others facepalm. Umbra continues to rant.
Umbra: AND HOW COME I RECOGNIZE ALL OF YE? I CANNOT RECALL MEETING ANY OF YE.
Rev grabs Umbra, making her gasp. He gets into a deep kiss with her. Umbra looks surprised at first, but amazingly doesn't push him away. She soon closes her eyes. He soon backs away himself.
Umbra: ...What be these memories of mine...? Thoust constantly appear in my mind... Who art thou...!? Why did thy action feel so... right...??
Jast: I think that jogged her memory a bit! Rev, kiss her again!
Karelia looks away, sighing. Zach puts a comforting hand on her shoulder. She smiles back at him.
Sauphara: Yeesh, Jast, you really like watching them kiss, don't you?
Jast: HUSH, YOU.
Rev gets into another kiss with Umbra. Umbra lets out a quiet moan. When he back away this time, Umbra falls onto her knees, with a hand on her forehead. She stands up, and shakes her head. She looks at the gang.
Umbra: Oh, my head... Revelian...?? What happened to me?? The last thing I remember was... Asterion, or whatever that thing was, shining some light on me...
Rev: You lost your memory. But now you're ok... Everything's back to normal. We've won.
Jast: Wow, power of love fixes anything, doesn't it?
Umbra: So, it's over, huh? Hah... I knew we'd win...
Zach: We always do, don't we?
Jast: Helc yeah. Throw any evil at us!! Corrupted god nightmares? Feh!! Evil younger brother? Oh please! Tyrannical sister?? Come at us!!
The others laugh.
Zach: But what Poxten said... it bothers me...
They realize they've forgotten about Poxten. They turn towards his body...
To see it gone.
Zach: He's gone!?
Rev: Oh please. He probably faked his death so he could get away. Oh well.
Umbra: Annoying mechanical pussy...
Jast: Alright. Welp, we've saved the world. Again. Now what??
Sauphara: I'm going back to space. I was enjoying stargazing until Jast called me up... But it's ok! I managed to help a bit in the end.
Zach: Yup! See ya, Sauphara!
Sauphara flies off back towards space.
Rev: Me and Umbra's gonna go... somewhere. Just me and her.
Zach: Oooh, honeymoon!
Rev: You know it. So yeah, you'll watch the kid, right??
Zach: Yup. We'll take care of her!
Rev: Right-o. I'm going back to my castle to prepare. See you all later!
Umbra: Take care!
Rev and Umbra warp off.
Jast: So, Zach... What're you gonna do?
Zach: Well... I dunno.
Jast nods his head towards Zach's left. Zach turns to see Karelia, standing alone nearby. Zach nods, understanding what Jast means.
Zach: Hey, Karelia!
She turns towards him, confused.
Zach: I'm bored! Wanna go somewhere?
Karelia brightens up.
Karelia: Sure!!
They both head off. Jast sighs.
Jast: Another day, another adventure. Oh well, guess I'm going back home myself.
Jast flies off.
Somewhere nearby...
A figure lurks inside of a bush. Poxten's damaged form soon comes out.
Poxten: *Sigh*. They've left... Good. MINIONS!!
A bunch of Crux underlings appear.
Poxten: TO THE ICE PALACE WITH US.
Poxten warps all of them off.
Category:Stories
Category:Alpha-Archaic Timeline