Kyber Crisis/Transcript

(The episode begins in the middle of a lightsaber duel between Baghead and Darwin. Darwin’s lightsaber is red. They are dueling on a moving platform in the middle of purple lava. Baghead jumps off the platform and goes to the top of rocky terrain.)
Baghead: It’s over, Darwin! I have the high ground!
Darwin: You underestimate my power!
Baghead: Don’t try it!
(Darwin attempts to jump to Baghead’s level, but while in midair, Baghead cuts off Darwin’s legs and left arm, sending Darwin tumbling down to the edge of the terrain. He begins to sink in the purple ocean.)
Baghead: You were the deuteragonist! It was said that you protect the protagonist, not kill him! It was you who would bring balance to the show, not leave it in chaos.
(Baghead grabs Darwin’s lightsaber and starts walking away. Darwin’s irises turn yellow as he sinks more.)
Darwin: (gurgling from the purple ocean) I hate you! 
Baghead: You were my favorite character on The Amazing World of Gumball, Darwin. I loved you.
(Darwin sinks fully into the purple ocean, screaming along the way. Baghead walks away.)
Baghead: Have fun in the eggplant oceans, old friend.
Darwin: Baghead, Baghead, Baghead-
Baghead: Hm?
(He continues to say this as his voice turns into an angry British woman’s. Scene changes to darkness. An oval sized hole opens up to see an opaque coffee pot with a giant yellow eye on a gray skeleton-esque body.)
Coffee pot droid: Baghead, Baghead, BAGHEAD!
(The POV continues to be first person. Baghead (assuming it to be him, as it is first person) sits up in his bed.)
Baghead: I’m up, C0F-3. (He pronounces this as “Coffee”.)
C0F-3: Good. The King has requested your presence.
Baghead: I told him not to request anything from me before 8:00!
C0F-3: Yes, sir, but it’s 8:30.
Baghead: W-what?
(The first person POV turns to the clock on his nightstand, showing it to be indeed 8:30. The POV gets out of bed and goes over to his dresser. A bag is on it, and he puts in on. Immediately afterwards, Baghead is finally shown in third person. He is already in his green shirt and blue pants with bare feet. He puts on shoes.)
Baghead: How long ago did he ask?
C0F-3: 4 minutes ago.
Baghead: That gives me a few minutes to get there. Coffee, do you have my-
C0F-3: Yes sir, coffee is ready to go!
(She takes her head off her body and pours coffee from inside her head into a mug that says, “Wikia’s Best Jedi.” She hands the mug to Baghead, who puts the mug underneath his bag to take a sip.)
Baghead: Is my car fixed?
C0F-3: Yes, sir. R7-A1 just finished putting new tires on it last night.
Baghead: Good, good.
(He takes off down a flight of stairs and stops at the bottom. He grabs his keys.)
Baghead: Hold down the fort while I’m gone, Coffee, and don’t use a blaster if you don’t need to.
(C0F-3, holding Baghead’s mug, walks down as Baghead goes to the garage.)
C0F-3: Roger, sir.
(Baghead runs through the garage door. Theme song plays. Scene cuts to Baghead in his orange car, driving along the road. He parks at the castle and runs to the giant door. The guards stick their spears over the door.)
Guard #1: Halt! What is the password?
Baghead: Wiki Dinner.
(The guards look at each other, nod, and uncover the doors. The doors open.)
Guard #2: You may pass.
(Baghead walks through. R7-A1 gets out of Baghead’s car and rolls in too. The two come before the King of Wikia. Baghead kneels on one knee, while R7 bows.)
King of Wikia: Hello there, Baghead.
Baghead: You wished to see me?
King: Yes… but what’s with the droid?
Baghead: (Gesturing to R7.) Arr-Seven will stay with me. He has proven himself useful in unfortunate circumstances, and I’d trust him with my life.
King: Then he can stay. Anyway, there are some documents I need to go through.
Baghead: And you want me to do that, sir?
King: No, I need you to retrieve the documents.
Baghead: Oh, of course. Where are they?
King: The Jedi Temple.
Baghead: Alright, I’ll get on it right away.
King: Yes, and take young Candle Man as well.
(Candle Man crawls out from behind the King’s throne.)
Baghead: Hey, Bot!
(Candle Man is for some reason grumpy.)
Candle Man: Hey.
Baghead: You… alright?
Candle Man: Yeah.
(He storms over to Baghead’s side.)
Baghead and Candle Man: (Baghead is enthusiastic, but Candle Man is grumpy) We won’t let you down, sir.
(Baghead, Candle Man, and R7 walk/roll out of the castle. They stop at Baghead’s car. Candle Man stays grumpy throughout the scene.)
Baghead: Do you want to take mine?
Candle Man: (Sarcastically.) Yeah, sure. Because your car is more important than mine and so much more valuable in life!
Baghead: ...whaaaaaaaaaaat?
Candle Man: Ugh. Let’s just go.
(Baghead and Candle Man get in the front seats. R7 gets in the back. They drive until they reach the bottom of a mountain. The trio get out of the car.)
Candle Man: Where’s the temple?
Baghead: At the top of Mt. Zacariibo.
Candle Man: How high is Mt. Zacariibo?
Baghead: Only a few hundred thousand meters. You’ll be fine.
(Camera zooms out to show the entire mountain.)
Candle Man: WHAT?!
(Zooms back in. Baghead walks over to the trunk of the car and takes out Jedi robes.)
Candle Man: Why are you putting those on?
Baghead: It’s required.
(Baghead walks behind the car [offscreen] and puts on the robes within a few seconds. He comes back out.)
Baghead: Let’s go.
(Scene changes to them walking up the mountain. Candle Man, extremely tired, flumps over on his stomach.)
Candle Man: I can’t-I can’t go any longer.
Baghead: Dude, we’re 2 meters up the mountain.
(Zooms out to show that they indeed have just started.)
Candle Man: Ugh!
(A small montage begins, fading in and out of shots of Baghead, R7-A1, and Candle Man hiking up the mountain, Candle Man increasingly getting more tired. Finally, they reach the peak. Candle Man is actually tired this time and falls over. Baghead is the exact opposite.)
Baghead: Ah. We’ve made it.
Candle Man: FWAH!
(Scene zooms out on the peak of Mt. Zacariibo. Although the mountain does not move, Candle Man and Baghead disappear. White words on the bottom of the screen say “one hour ago”. A man in thick black robes and a woman with red hair climb to the top of the mountain. The man acts like Baghead, while the woman acts like Candle Man. They are revealed to be Luis and Kitchen.)
Luis: We’re here. We still are too.
Kitchen: (Huffing and puffing) A-a-a-ABOUT TIME!
Luis: Let’s go inside.
(One hour later, Baghead and Candle Man walk into the temple. A lot of dusty bookshelves fill the room. Small sculptures are on the wall among torches. Candle Man is fascinated with this new place he’s never been.)
Candle Man: Wooooooooaaaaaaahhhhhhh.
Baghead: Seems like you’ve ditched your grumpy attitude.
Candle Man: What? No.
Baghead: Then why… (Sigh.) Let’s just get this done.
(He walks over to a mini statue of a Mandalorian-esque person. It looks like he is pulling it off the shelf, but it triggers a wall to open up a new room.)
Candle Man: Whaat…?
Baghead: To keep the records safe. Peculiar thing is, that wall looked a little...broken. Oh well.
(Although the setting doesn’t move, Candle Man and Baghead disappear. White words on the bottom of the screen say “one hour ago”. Luis and Kitchen walk up to the wall hiding the secret room. Luis uses the Force to crush the wall, involuntarily opening the room.)
Kitchen: Why are we here again?
Luis: To steal the records.
Kitchen: How did you know they were here, though?
Luis: I just knew. I still did too.
Kitchen: Ugh…
Luis: Anyway, let’s get this over with.
(They walk in, the wall shutting behind them. Back to one hour later, Baghead and Candle Man walk into the hidden archives.)
Baghead: The files we’re looking for should be… uh oh.
Candle Man: Uh oh? Why uh oh? There’s nothing there!
Baghead: That’s the point! All the archives are gone!
(Zooms out to show that all the archives are indeed gone.)
Candle Man: But who could’ve done this?
Baghead: I dunno! No one but me and the King and Queen know of the room!
Candle Man: (Muttering.) This adventure is actually a lot more exciting than I thought it would be, to be honest… (out loud, no longer grumpy) Let’s find out who did it, then.
Baghead: Now you’ve ditched your grumpy attitude. Care to tell me why you acted a grump?
Candle Man: No.
(Baghead sighs.)
Candle Man: Anyway, we have a goal, you know?
Baghead: Right, right. Let’s go!
(They dash out of the temple.)
Baghead: Whoever did it couldn’t have gotten far. I was here last night!
Candle Man: Also, whoever did it must pay. Amirite?
Baghead: Indeed.
(They start down the mountain, but Baghead spots something. It is two figures, running away from the mountain and holding a bunch of books and papers.)
Baghead: I see something!
Candle Man: What do you see?
Baghead: I believe it’s the two people who stole the archives!
Candle Man: Wait, two people did it?
Baghead: Maybe.
Candle Man: Well, we’ll never make it there in time!
Baghead: Maybe not you.
(Baghead jumps off the mountain.)
Candle Man: There’s always something he doesn’t tell me!
Baghead: (Faces Candle Man while falling.) What?
Candle Man: So, how am I supposed to get down there?!
(R7-A1 chirps from behind him, startling Candle Man.)
Candle Man: Oh, I forgot you were here.
(R7-A1 sarcastically chirps and rolls his eye.)
Candle Man: So can you get me down?
(R7-A1 affirmatively chirps, turning on his jets. Candle Man grabs on as R7-A1 descends through the air.)
Candle Man: Woo hoo! This is fun!
(Meanwhile, Baghead lands on the surface, in front of the burglars. He recognizes one of them immediately.)
Baghead: Luis.
Luis: Baghead.
(Kitchen looks up.)
Kitchen: Candle Man?
Candle Man: Kitchen?
Baghead: Arr-Seven?
(R7-A1 chirps.)
Baghead: Return those archives at once!
Kitchen: You’ll have to fight us for them! And either way, we will win!
Baghead: You don't remember who you’re messing with, do you?
(Baghead activates his lightsaber.)
Luis: (Sarcastically.) Oh no, a lightsaber. I am so scared. I still am too.
Baghead: (Sarcastically.) Oh no, a sarcastic person. I know how to deal with you guys.
(He brings his lightsaber up in front of his face. R7-A1 squeal-screams.)
Candle Man: He can use those archives as a shield!
(Baghead, realizing the risk, sighs and puts away his weapon.)
Baghead: You’re right. I can’t use a lightsaber.
Candle Man: Well… (in a way Baghead hears but Luis does not) you can always use the Force!
Luis: Haha, you lo-
(Baghead Force-pushes Luis and Kitchen backward.)
Baghead: No, you!
Kitchen: STOP PUSHING ME AWAY WITH YOUR STUPID FORCE!
(Baghead finally picks up the two villains, and rams them into the mountain, rendering them unconscious. All of the archives are now a mess on the ground.)
Baghead: If they know of the secret room, we’re gonna have to store all of these archives somewhere else.
Candle Man: Where?
Baghead: Dunno, but we should bring them back to the castle.
Candle Man: Or maybe in your house?
Baghead: Being the protector of Wikia doesn’t make me entitled to keeping archives in my own house.
(Baghead notices Candle Man is grumpy again.)
Baghead: What?
Candle Man: Never mind. Can’t we just do something about these so-called archives of yours before those two flippers wake up?
Baghead: Yes, yes.
(The trio put all of the archives in the car. There are too many to fit in the trunk, so Baghead ties the remainder of the archives to the roof of his car. They then all get in the car and drive away.)
Candle Man: Are you sure tying them to the roof of the car is safe?
Baghead: Oh, please. I’ve done this a thousand times!
Candle Man: Well, never mind, then.
(Cuts back to Luis and Kitchen, who wake up.)
Kitchen: Oh, my head...
Luis: Yeah, mine too…
(Kitchen and Luis realize Candle Man and Baghead are long gone from the mountain.)
Kitchen: Nice going back there, laser brain!
Luis: I was trying to fight against Baghead. I still was too.
Kitchen: Well, you didn’t succeed. And we ended up being knocked out for a while because of that, and now, he and that Candle Flip are nowhere at this point!
Luis: But we’re not giving up. My vendetta will never go away.
(He shows his right hand, which has been replaced by a robotic one.)
Luis: And that’s a promise!
Kitchen: Uh, okay…? Anyway, let’s- wait, what’s that?
Luis: What’s what? Because I am wondering. I still am too. Woo hoo!
(Kitchen picks up a book with a non-English language on it.)
Kitchen: This!
(Luis takes it and opens it. He becomes shocked for a second, before putting the book in his robes and turning back to Kitchen.)
Luis: Our ticket to triumph.
(Scene changes to the castle, where Baghead and Candle Man walk in. R7-A1 rolls behind them pulling a wagon full of archives, stacked up so high the stack goes offscreen.)
Baghead: King of Wikia, we have your archives.
King: Thanks, but… I only asked for a few files. Why did you bring all of them here?
Baghead: There was a slight mishap, and Bot and I found out the Spammers know of the secret room these archives are kept in.
King: What?
(He stands up.)
Baghead: The Spammers have a Force-sensitive member. He must’ve been able to feel the secret room.
King: That’s not good.
Candle Man: At least we have all of the archives, right?
Baghead: Yeah, at least we didn’t lose anything.
(R7-A1 rolls up to Baghead, chirping frantically.)
Baghead: Arr-Seven? What’s going on?
(Baghead crouches down and faces R7-A1, who continues to chirp. Baghead nods his head as he listens, then finally gasps.)
Baghead: We’re missing a book.
Candle Man: Oh no!
King: Which one?
Baghead: Yes, Arr-Seven, which one?
(R7-A1 continues beeping and chirping until Baghead finally stands up.)
Baghead: We’re missing the book of prophecies.
Queen of Wikia: I see.
Candle Man: If it’s just some millennia-old book of predictions, it doesn’t matter, does it?
(Beat. Then, Baghead, the King, and the Queen erupt with laughter. Candle Man looks around confused.)
Candle Man: What?
Baghead: (Wipes a tear out of his eye.) Dude, have you been watching those Galactic Battleground movies?! Like, two-thirds of the franchise is based on prophecies! (Turns serious.) But still, we need to get that book back!
King: But we can’t risk losing any more of them. As it happens, I have a storage room that I keep empty just in case something like this occurs. Take the archives and shelve them in the room.
Baghead: Yes, sir.
(The three of them make it to the storage room, which surprisingly looks like any other regular storage room. Baghead uses a key to unlock it.)
Candle Man: Where did you get that key?
Baghead: It’s a skeleton key. It unlocks every door in Wikia. A benefit from being its protector.
Candle Man: Hmph.
Baghead: Anywho, let’s get shelving.
(The door unlocks, and it is a dark room with no light.)
Candle Man: Is there a light switch in here?
(Baghead is heard feeling around the wall.)
Baghead: Nope.
(Suddenly, light is onscreen again. R7-A1 has lit a torch.)
Baghead: As long as that fire is controlled, thanks, Arr-Seven.
(R7-A1 rolls toward an empty set of bookshelves and hangs the torch on the wall next to it. Candle Man tries to wheel the large set of archives into the room, but the archives fall over and hit the ground.)
Candle Man: Why do we have so many archives, anyway? Isn’t this town like eight years old?
Baghead: Oh, Bot, there is so much you do not understand about this kingdom.
Candle Man: Oh, really? Like what?
(Baghead takes some archives and puts them on the bookshelf. He then grabs the torch and uses it to show that there are ancient pictures on the walls. He goes through each on as the occurrence Baghead narrates appears as a drawing on the wall.)
Baghead: Long ago, about five hundred years ago, the Socialaxy was created as the last galaxy of the universe. Our planet, Fandax, was created in the process. Back then, the tri-kingdom area was just one civilization, and was ruled under by three men, who usually came to a civilized and logical decision. One of which, Wiker, employed a scribe to write down everything that happened within the civilization. The other two men, Dissor and Gamp, read what the scribe wrote, and approved of it. But one day, the civilization was under attack by the Reddit Civilization. The war raged on for seven years, until the Reddit Civilization was defeated and reduced to a village. None of the three men liked what the war had done to their civilization, and all three came to the conclusion to break up the civilization they ruled to prevent any more mass loss in wars. The three kingdoms prospered, and these days are Discord Central, Gameopolis, and Wikia. Eight years ago, Wikia was destroyed and modernized, as the other two kingdoms had done. That was when the new Wikia was constructed.
Candle Man: Okay, I have two things to say… First off, cool story! Second off… How do you know all of this stuff?
Baghead: Again, I’m the protector of Wikia. I need to know these things.
(Candle Man turns grumpy yet again. Some time later, they finish shelving.)
Baghead: Now let’s go get that prophecy book!
(Over to Luis in his bedroom in the Spammers’ lair. He is going through the prophecies.)
Luis: “A man of paper must face young and familiar evil”? “A stone of light will reveal more than it keeps to itself”? “The almighty will betray their only friends”? What is all this nonsense? 
(Whickey has been in the room the whole time.)
Whickey: What’s a “stone of light”, and why would it keep anything?
Luis: I don’t know, but all of this is garbage. It still is t-
(He flips the page and stops speaking.)
Whickey: Let’s burn it, then.
Luis: No. Not yet.
Whickey: What? What’s going...on?
(Luis shows Whickey the prophecy he just read.)
Whickey: Whoa.
(We do not see it, however. Luis flips through the rest of the book, but finds nothing of value.)
Luis: We should give it back to Baghead. We still should too.
Whickey: But why? We should be destroying property, not returning it!
Luis: This book means no harm. It’s just random nonsense put together.
Whickey: I guess you can give it back, but only if you use that prophecy you showed me to your advantage.
Luis: How?
Whickey: You know how.
(Fades back to Baghead, Candle Man, and R7-A1, who are back at the bottom of Mt. Zacariibo.)
Baghead: The book couldn’t be in the temple.
Candle Man: How do you know?
Baghead: Bot, that room was empty. Do you remember seeing a book while going down the mountain?
Candle Man: No.
(R7-A1 chirps negatively.)
Baghead: Then that must mean Luis or Kitchen grabbed it.
Candle Man: And that must mean the book is in the Spammers’ lair! Come on guys, let’s go! (Begins to walk away)
Baghead: Wait a second. I think it’s close.
(Baghead closes his eyes and hears a far away thump.)
Candle Man: (stops walking away and faces Baghead, but is confused by Baghead closing his eyes) Bag, what are you doing?
Baghead: Did you hear that?
Candle Man: Hear what?
Baghead: That was the book. It was hitting the ground somewhere near here.
Candle Man: Okay, let’s go and find this book, then!
(Baghead walks around the area looking for it, with Candle Man and R7-A1 following him. Meanwhile, Luis hides behind a concealed side of the mountain. He drops the book again, then guides it towards a manhole. Cuts back to the others, who spot the book.)
Baghead: It’s gonna too in that manhole! Candle Man, could you hold my lightsaber for me?
Candle Man: Sure! (Holds Baghead’s lightsaber.) Why?
Baghead: I’m gonna give you a piece of advice: Don’t ask.
(He jumps down the manhole, with Candle Man staring. He hears a loud splash.)
Candle Man: (Looks into the manhole.) BAGHEAD, ARE YOU OKAY?
Baghead: (Offscreen.) Yeah, I’m alright!
(Cuts to Baghead, who is searching through the dark sewers. He finally spots the book, floating in the sewer water, with only the back cover touching it.)
Baghead: Thank Yennix these books have leather covers.
Candle Man: (Offscreen.) Who is Yennix, anyway?
Baghead: Yennix is the leader and biggest part of my order. He is truly overpowered, let’s be honest.
Candle Man: Overpowered? Wish I could see that.
Baghead: Then hop on the next ship to Corukan Prime.
Candle Man: Nah, I’m fine.
(He grabs the book, but squeaking is heard. The squeaking becomes louder and louder.)
Baghead: Uh oh. SEWER RATS!
(Back to Candle Man and R7-A1, who hear Baghead and the rats squabbling.)
Candle Man: Baghead? What’s going on down there?
Baghead: (Offscreen.) Just some rats! I’ll be fine!
(Meanwhile, Luis watches Candle Man peer through the manhole. Luis uses the force to grab Baghead’s lightsaber and steal it from Candle Man’s [who is distracted] hands while he is concealed by the mountain.)
Candle Man: (Quickly notices the lightsaber is gone.) Hey, where’d it go? Who stole it?!
(Luis hides so Candle Man will not see him, handles the lightsaber, then uses the Force to tighten and loosen things, crack some things, and ultimately tamper with it enough to be called broken. Luis then rolls it back to its previous spot. Candle Man looks back to see that the lightsaber has returned.)
Candle Man: Hm, never mind.
(Baghead finally jumps out of the manhole. There is a bloody scratch on his left arm and some water droplets on his bag, but otherwise he is fine. He puts the bag into R7-A1’s custom-made compartment.)
Baghead: Mission accomplished!
Candle Man: Coolio! But… (notices the scratch) uh, that scratch on your left arm...
Baghead: That? Oh, that’s not bad. It’s just a small flesh wound. Did I ever tell you about the time I broke both my legs during the War on Ferdango?
Candle Man: Nope…
Baghead: Anyway, let’s get this back to the king.
(They begin to walk back to the car. Baghead stops and examines the book.)
Candle Man: What’s going on now?
Baghead: There’s a bookmark in here.
(He flips to the page and his eyes widen. Candle Man confusingly looks at Baghead behind him.)
Candle Man: Uh, Baghead…? What is in the book that made your eyes widen?
Baghead: This!
(He shows Candle Man a prophecy, but it is written in an ancient language.)
Candle Man: Uhhh… okay? But I do not speak whichever language that is.
Baghead: It says, “When there are only two, one will use the dark, the other the light. Both concealing their faces, only Satan can disrupt the balance these two create.”
(Candle Man’s eyes widen, though not as much as Baghead’s did.)
Candle Man: But what does it mean, exactly?
Baghead: I think it means me and Luis are the things that keep Wikia from total destruction!
Candle Man: Uh, MediaWiki…?
Baghead: MediaWiki is only a pawn in this case. Who created UCP?
Candle Man: Satan did.
Baghead: Exactly. The town wasn’t completely destroyed when the Spammers spilled MediaWiki, and that’s because...
Candle Man: Uh, Mystic stopped it?
Baghead: No, because it couldn’t be destroyed! Well at least not completely!
Candle Man: So spilling MediaWiki doesn’t completely destroy Wikia?
Baghead: Yes. This prophecy is saying that only Satan or his inventions can override the balance Luis and I have when we’re alive.
Candle Man: Does that mean you’ll live forever, or…
Baghead: I don’t think so. I think we get that balance lifted from us at some point, but I don’t kno-
(Suddenly, Baghead’s phone rings.)
Baghead: Yello?
King: Baghead, it’s the king.
Baghead: What’s going on?
King: The Wikia Jedi temple has been breached! You must capture the person who is in there.
Baghead: I will, your majesty. (Hangs up. To Candle Man.) Someone has trespassed on the temple! We need to get up there!
Candle Man: What?! How did they get past us?!
Baghead: We’ve been talking for a long time.
Candle Man: And where’s that droid?
(R7-A1 is found to be already going up the mountain.)
Baghead: Smart droid.
(Baghead changes back into his Jedi robes and the three of them dash up the mountain. Candle Man has been riding on R7-A1 again, so he is not tired this time. They run in, and only see Luis, meditating on the floor.)
Luis: Hello, Baghead. I’ve been waiting for you.
(Beat.)
Baghead: Aren’t you supposed to say, “I still have too. Woo hoo”?
Luis: Oh, no. I control that. I have no time to waste words.
Candle Man: Cut to the chase, fabric face!
Luis: Can’t you see? This is a trap. For Baghead.
Baghead: What are you saying?
Luis: The time has come to utilize that prophecy you found.
Baghead: So you did take that book.
Luis: Indeed. The time has come… to kill you.
Candle Man: Not on my watch! Time to light it-
(Luis uses the Force to fling Candle Man out of the temple and down the mountain.)
Candle Man: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuupppp…
Luis: The book. Give it to me.
Baghead: No.
Luis: Yes.
(Luis uses the Force to break open R7-A1’s secret compartment, who screams in the process. The compartment door busts open, and Luis takes the book, using the Force to throw R7-A1 down the mountain as well.)
Baghead: ARR-SEVEN!
Luis: If it’s any consolation, you’re next.
Baghead: We’ll see.
(He grabs his lightsaber and tries to turn it on, but it doesn’t work. He presses it again and again, but nothing works.)
Baghead: What the…
Luis: Looks this will make it easier for me.
(Luis turns on his own lightsaber. Baghead frantically presses the button, but it still doesn’t work. Finally, Baghead closes his eyes and clenches the fist holding the lightsaber, which shakes in his hand.)
Baghead: We’ll see.
(He shakes his fist uncontrollably now trying to turn it on, but then a hissing sound comes from the lightsaber. With the Force, Baghead puts the lightsaber sideways in midair. One orange blade comes out where it should be. Then, another orange blade comes out the bottom.)
Luis: A double bladed lightsaber?!
Baghead: I dunno how it worked, either, but it’s just more to defeat you with.
(Baghead leaps at Luis and the two cross blades. The two engage in a duel throughout the temple, Baghead mostly parrying Luis’ strikes. At one point, Luis Force-pushes Baghead into the wall. A torch comes off the wall and starts setting the temple on fire. Baghead Force-pushes Luis into another wall, and the prophecy book comes out of Luis’ robes. He forgets to pick it up and they begin attacking each other again. Soon, the entire temple is on fire, and the two still duel. Fire surrounding them and rubble scratching and falling on them, Baghead and Luis push on to defeat the other. Finally, both cross blades and each push their blade against the other, trying to use strength to get the upper hand. The roof seems to be close to falling over...when blaster fire erupts from over Luis’ shoulder.)
Luis: What’s going on?!
Baghead: Could it be…?
(C0F-3 leaps into the temple, one blaster in each hand and a bowcaster slung over her shoulder, being backed up by Candle Man, a visibly damaged R7-A1, and two gray droids. They shoot at Luis.)
Luis: Stop firing!
C0F-3: Never! (To Baghead.) Baghead, we have to leave. This whole place is going under!
Candle Man: Your droid’s right! C’mon!
Baghead: But why? I’m about to-
Candle Man: Baghead, listen to me. Last time someone hesitated in the face of destruction, I was a presumed orphan for years, and your master died! Do you want the same fate?
(Baghead speaks not, but continues to hold off Luis. Finally, he and the others run out of the temple, only seconds before the entire thing collapses over Luis.)
Candle Man: We made it!
C0F-3: Just in time, too!
Candle Man: Yaya, we-
(He notices Baghead staring at the wreckage.)
Baghead: Luis was still in there.
Candle Man: Oh no. Does that mean…
(But then a hand comes out of the wreckage. It is indeed Luis’, and he pulls himself out of the wreckage, scratched and battered.)
Luis: I WILL DEFEAT YOUUUU!!!
(Baghead uses the Force to immobilize Luis.)
Baghead: Candle Man, call the cops.
(Fades to the bottom of the mountain, where 202 and some other officers are taking Luis away. Baghead is examining R7-A1’s damage, while everyone else stands behind them. The sun is setting in the background.)
Baghead: Some minor damage in areas and one of your legs is busted, but you’ll be fine, old friend.
(R7-A1 enthusiastically beeps and chirps.)
Baghead: Thanks for helping me out of there you guys. All of you were right. I didn’t want to suffer the same fate that prophecy book had. But… how did you guys know I was there, and who are these two gray guys?
C0F-3: Arr-Seven sent us a message, and those two “gray guys” are C0F-1 and C0F-2.
Baghead: But how did you get them to work?
C0F-3: You taught me everything you knew. Like you always say, all I need is a bottle of grape soda and a wrench.
Baghead: And as for C0F-1 and C0F-2, you guys can choose to go work for someone or go back in the garage.
(The two C0Fs look at each other, then power down. C0F-3 picks them up.
Baghead: And now that we have all that aside, why were you so grumpy today, Bot?
Candle Man: Well… I’d been told by the king that me and the others were not the official protectors of Wikia and you were more important to this kingdom!
Baghead: Just because of what he said?
Candle Man: Duh!
Baghead: Bot, we’re equally important to this city. Rank means nothing.
Candle Man: I guess, maybe. (Still looks offended by it.)
(Silence, then they all go and walk toward the car.)
Candle Man: And speaking of the others, I wonder what they were up to all day.
Baghead: Probably putting up Christmas decorations. And C0F-3, never disobey orders again.
C0F-3: I know you said not to use the blasters, but I had to.
Baghead: Right. You had to.
(Their conversation becomes more and more inaudible, until finally the scene changes to the Candle House, where Mystic, Shaduck, and Limefong have been chilling all day.)
Mystic: What a great day… though it sounds like something is missing.
Shaduck: Eh, I dunno.
Limefong: Jeah, Mystic is right, something is supposed to be here, but isn’t.
Mystic, Shaduck, and Limefong: Hmmmm… (Realize.) WHERE HAS CANDLE MAN BEEN ALL DAY?!
(Candle Man comes home.)
Candle Man: Hello, guys! You won’t believe the adventure I’ve had today with Baghead!
Limefong: WHERE WERE YOU ALL DAY?!
Candle Man: Like I just said, I was on an adventure with Baghead.
Shaduck: Was the adventure exciting?
Candle Man: Sorta. At first I was quite the grumpy cat during it, but then realized how exciting the adventure is later.
Mystic: Sooo, what was this adventure of yours?
Candle Man: Baghead took me to that Jedi temple, as he is a Jedi himself. And some archives of his and the King’s got missing, and we found out that the Spammers had something to do with it, and Luis and Kitchen stole them. Luckily, Baghead is a Jedi and even has his own lightsaber!. However, Luis turned out to be also a Jedi… And we even found a book full of prophecies that made me find out that spilling MediaWiki won’t destroy town completely, and Baghead and Luis keep the balance of town. However, the Spammers took the book for some time before that. By the way, that book had a language I couldn’t understand. Luckily, Baghead speaks that language. I think that language has something to do with Jedis.
Mystic: Cool story! A little long, though.
Candle Man: I don’t think it was long.
Limefong: Also, a question… Did you and Baghead manage to get back the archives from the Spammers?
Candle Man: Of course we did!
Shaduck: So that’s why you haven’t been here all day, because you went on an adventure with your childhood friend. By the way, I wish I had a lightsaber.
(Episode ends.)
Category:Transcripts
Category:Candle Man & Friends
Category:Season 1