Tip a Canoe and Gary Too

The thirteenth chapter of Total Drama: Tiki Jungle, posted on April 16, 2011.
==Story==
"Last time on Total Drama: Tiki Jungle..." begins Chris, "The campers went fishing, and Helga was eliminated because nobody liked her. Still surprised how she got 6th place. Blah, blah, can we just get to the challenge?"
Arthur and Nic are arguing in the boys cabin.
"All right, Art, I've had enough." says Nic angrily.
"Huh?" says Arthur, who is eating chips.
"You're just so slobby and disgusting." says Nic. "Abby no likey."
"What do you mean, slobby 'n' disgusting?" asks Arthur cluelessly.
"This, for instance." Nic holds up something that looks like a piece of toilet paper with a suspicious yellow liquid, some raisins, and a large chest hair hanging to it. "I've seen, like, ten of these."
"Oh, that is Vance." says Arthur.
"Vance?" says Nic.
"Yup, he's my BTPF." says Arthur. "Best Toilet Paper Friend. He talks to me sometimes."
"That's just wrong." says Nic disgustedly.
"Hush." says Arthur.
"All right, you can't hush me." says Nic.
"Oh yeah?" screams Arthur.
"Try and stop me!" screams Nic. He takes his shirt off and charges at Arthur.
"Any luck?" says a struggling Arthur.
"Nope, you're too morbidly obeeeese!" says Nic, who now is on Arthur's back flailing about.
"Just give up." says Arthur.
"NEVER!!!" shouts Nic, and pounds Arthur's back.
Gary comes out of the shower, naked and censored. He begins to dance. Arthur and Nic are too busy fighting to notice him, though.
Gary grumbles, then gets back into the shower.
"All right, this is pathetic." says Nic.
"I know." says Arthur. "I wonder where Gary is?"
Gary comes out of the shower, now fully clothed, but in a Vegeta costume.
"Do you know what time it is?" he asks.
"Nope." says Arthur.
"Time for us to reenact the classic 'Over 9000' video!" says Gary.
"Ugh." says Arthur.
"Arthur, you're Nappa. Nic, you're Goku. I'm Vegeta." says Gary.
"What does Goku do? Is he hot?" asks Nic.
"Not much. And, yeah, sure." says Gary.
"All right, let's start." says Arthur. "Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his power level?"
"IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAND!!!" screams Gary.
"What, 9000?!?" says Arthur. "There's no way that can be right."
"All right, we're done, now let me give Abby some rest." says Nic.
Arthur makes a rude noise with his armpits.
"Haw, haw, haw." laughs Gary.
Meanwhile, Chrissy and Julia are chatting in the girls dorm.
"So, glad ol' Helga's gone?" asks Chrissy.
"Yup." says Julia. "I hated her."
"Actually, I sorta got used to her after a while..." says Chrissy.
"I didn't." says Julia.
Chris bursts into the room.
"Breakfast!" he says.
"Wait, since when have we had breakfast?" says Chrissy suspiciously.
"Since today. Chef got bored." says Chris.
The five campers meet in the dining hall.
"I made ya guys some French fries." says Chef gruffly. He piles about twenty fries onto everyone's plates.
"Wait, fries for breakfast?" asks Nic.
"Yup. We ran out of pork rinds." says Chef.
"Daddy, why did you eat my fries..." sings Gary, while eating his fries.
A fry is hanging on one of Chrissy's straps.
"I hope you realize there's a fry stuck to your shirt." says Arthur calmly.
Chrissy groans. "I'm gonna leave it."
Gary laughs obnoxiously.
"All right, time for the challenge. We want to get this over with." says Chris.
"What is it?" says Nic. "Abby needs to know."
"It's a canoe trip." says Chris.
"Didn't we already have one, like, for the second challenge?" asks Julia.
"Nope, that was rafting, get your facts right." says Chris. "Anyways, the person who finishes last is automatically eliminated."
The contestants gasp.
"You guys knew I'd pull one of those on ya, right?" asks Chris.
"No." says Gary. "No, we didn't."
"All right, everyone, get into your canoes." says Chris.
"But we're in the dining hall." says Arthur.
"I know." says Chris. He pulls a string, and 5 canoes drop out of the ceiling.
"Well, that was unexpected." says Arthur.
Deep in the forest, the contestants get into their canoes.
"So, Gary, what's down?" asks Arthur.
"Don't you mean what's up?" says Gary cluelessly.
"No." Arthur looks at Gary as if something is wrong with him. "What's down."
"Oh." Gary gets into his canoe. "The water, I guess." He picks up an oar and begins to paddle.
"So, who's the hottest girl here?" asks Arthur, who's floating along in his canoe.
"There are only two left." says Gary.
"I know." Arthur paddles away. "It's a race, ya know."
Gary begins to maniacally paddle.
Nic is massaging his belly and paddling.
"Whatcha doin'?" asks Julia.
"Abby needs massaging." says Nic.
"Ya know, you're not really a fail bad guy anymore, more of an Abby-obsessed weirdo." says Julia gruffly.
"Why, thank you." says Nic. "I hope I win, like Alejandro."
"Alejandro got second place, idiot." says Julia.
"Well, Alejandro won in Romania, Poland, Denmark, and Hungary." says Nic.
"But we're not in Romania, Poland, Denmark, or Hungary. In fact, I don't even know where we are." says Julia.
"Time to win. See ya." says Nic, then floats away.
"Idiot." grumbles Julia.
Chrissy's canoe gets stuck on a large rock.
"Darn it." says Chrissy.
She gets out of the water to try and move her canoe. The canoe hits the rock in the side, and the rock gets up, revealing it is actually a hippopotamus.
"A hippo?" says Chrissy angrily.
The hippo grunts.
"Well, since you destroyed my canoe, time to ride on you. I'll call you Teddy." says Chrissy.
The hippo yawns.
"Like that name?" asks Chrissy.
Teddy the hippo begins to galumph through the river.
"Hey, look, we're almost at the finish line." says Chrissy. "That was really brief."
Chris is in a lawn chair on a small island.
"You just won." says Chris.
Chrissy claps. "I couldn't have done it without Teddy, my hippo." she says.
"Now, just sit tight for a moment." says Chris. "I have a Pogeyman game for ya."
"Yippee." says Chrissy unenthusiastically. "Cool, I get to pick my starter. Should it be Tsubu, Pokamaru, or Mijutaaja?"
"I picked Mijutaaja, but I stopped my game right at Veildrift City. The music was too awesome for me." says Chris.
Chrissy rolls her eyes.
"Hey, look, there's Nic." says Chris.
"Goody, now I have to share, like, a five foot island with the two people I hate the most." says Chrissy.
Nic steps onto the island. "Hola, amigos."
"Actually, I don't." says Chrissy. She pushes Chris and Nic into the water.
"Hey!" screams a sopping wet Chris. "This shirt was $8,999.99 plus tax!"
"It was almost over nine thousand." says Nic, in the water.
Chris huffs, and begins to climb back on the island.
"Nah, don't get on, I'll just push you off again." says Chrissy.
Nic laughs. "Funny Christian."
"That wasn't a joke." says Chrissy.
"I wonder where the others are?" asks Nic.
"Oh, here comes Arthur." says Chris.
Arthur is in the water, struggling to push his canoe.
"This canoe is morbidly obeeeese..." says Arthur.
Arthur's canoe then sinks into the muck.
"Ugh, nasty." says Nic.
"I'm stuck in the muck." says Arthur, who is up to his head in mud.
"We're not helping ya." says Chrissy.
Meanwhile, Gary and Julia are battling it out.
"Come on, just give up now!" yells Julia, who's rapidly paddling.
"Nope!" screams Gary, who's rapidly paddling as well.
"I know I'm gonna win, so just go home now!" says Julia.
"I'd rather not! I've got this whole game in th' bag!" says Gary.
"Um, whatever." says Julia. "This canoe is going slow, maybe I should just swim instead!"
Gary laughs. "Good luck!"
"Thank you!" screams Julia. She begins to doggie-paddle.
"Ugh, I suck at swimming." says Gary.
The two are neck and neck at the finish line, and...
Julia pulls ahead first.
"Tip a canoe, and Gary too." she says.
"Darn it." mopes Gary.
"Gary, time to go bye-bye." says Chris.
The campers head to the elimination ceremony.
"We'll miss ya, Gary." says Chrissy.
"Goodbye, brotha from anotha motha." says Arthur.
"Abby will sincerely miss you." says Nic.
"Meh, don't really care." says Julia.
"Well, bye, guys." says Gary.
"Wait, Gary." says Chrissy. She gives Gary a bear hug. "I liked havin' you on my team." she says.
Gary begins to drool.
Chrissy's sad expression turns into an annoyed one. "If you start to like me like how you did Meg, ya won't survive for much longer."
"All right." grins Gary. He gives Arthur and Nic man-hugs, then gets to Julia and leaves.
Once Gary is gone, Julia curses.
"Now I'm the shortest one left!" screams Julia. She stomps away angrily.
"For once, I have no comment." says Chris. "See ya next time."