The Frenemy/Transcript

The following is a transcript for the episode "The Frenemy".
== ==
(A bright light shines on Archer. We reveal that it is from the bug. Poppy and her friends are ready ask questions to Archer.)
Poppy: The jig is up, Archer. We know you’re not a Troll, and… we know you’ve been spying on us. What we need to know now… is why. (Archer remains silent.) Hm. The silent treatment, eh? Fine. We have ways of making you talk… (She takes out cards.) … called Icebreaker Questions! (She and her friends cheer, sit down, and move closer to Archer.) Biggie, if you could travel the world with three people, who would it be? (Her friends murmur.)
Biggie: Mr. Dinkles, uh… Mr. Dinkles… Uh… and Mr. Dinkles.
Poppy: Satin, what’s your worst habit?
Satin: Well, I lose my toothbrush a lot, so I use Chenille’s. (Chenille yells while the other Trolls laugh.)
Poppy: OK, Archer, name five things you’d take with you on a desert island. (Archer remains silent again.) It’s OK. You’re among friends. (She and her friends move closer to him.)
Archer: Well, gee, if you really mean that, I guess I’d say… (He lets out a huge burp. The Snack Pack screams while he laughs.) Oh… Oh, you Trolls! (laughs) You should see the looks on your faces! (He makes a funny faces and laughs again.) Oh, seriously, you need to see this. Does anybody have a camera?
Biggie: Ooh, I do.
Poppy: No, Biggie, don’t. (Archer takes Biggie’s camera.)
Archer: (laughs) You actually gave me one! Bravo, Trolls! Bravo! (Smidge growls angrily.) Oh, man, all my friends are gonna have a field day with this place. Whoo. (He takes a picture of Poppy trying to calm Smidge down.)
Poppy: Friends? What friends?
Archer: Oh, no. Are the widdle Twolls confused? Fine, I’ll explain. I was spying on you because I’m a scout.
Poppy: A scout? For who? (She turns to Guy Diamond.) We’ll want his statement on record. Scrapbook this down. (Guy Diamond takes out yellow paper and starts scrapbooking.)
Archer: First of all, you’re right. We’re not Trolls. In fact, we’re distant cousins of the Bergens. Some call us invaders. Some call us marauders. But we prefer the name the Party Crashers!
All: Whoo! Whoo!
Archer: We roam far and wide, only caring about one thing, where we’re gonna thrown down next. We rage out long and hard until we’ve drained the land of its party resources, and then we move on to the next bash. See? Real fun happens when you don’t care about the consequences.
Poppy: So you just show up out of nowhere and use up everyone’s party supplies?
Biggie: And without RSVP-ing? (The Snack Pack gasps.)
Archer: (chuckling) Yep. And when I escape, oh, and I will escape. I’ll lead my friends here to the best-supplied party hot spot of all time, Troll Village. (gasps) Unless, of course, you let me go, then who knows, maybe I could direct them somewhere else.
Poppy: Oh, so sell out someone else to save our own hair?
Branch: (Pushing Poppy aside) Not on my watch, pal.
Archer: Ooh! (He imitates Branch.) Not on my watch, pal.
Branch: Stop that.
Archer: (Imitating Branch) Stop that.
Branch: I’m serious.
Archer: (Imitating Branch) I’m serious.
Branch: I’m… (laughs) OK, I see what you’re doing here. (sighs) And I’m not gonna get angry.
Smidge: yeah, he’s not gonna get angry. I AM! (She tries to attack Archer, but Branch holds her. Outside, Guy Diamond ties her up in vines.)
Poppy: Smidge, is this really necessary?
Smidge: That depends. Do you want Archer dining on a Smidge fist casserole?
Poppy: Um…
Smidge: Then yes. (Branch brings up a board.)
Branch: OK, listen up, guys. If we wanna make sure Archer stays locked up so he can’t lead the Party Crasher here, we need a guard rotation. Forgive how crude this presentation is. I made it on the fly. As you can see, I broke us into groups of six by birthdate, not alphabetic order ‘cause… duh, right? (chuckles) Anyway, if you look here-
Poppy: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy there, schedule nerd. We’re not keeping Archer locked up.
Branch, Biggie, Cooper, Satin, and Chenille: We’re not?!
Poppy: Of course not. If Archer’s locked in there, and we’re out here, how can we make him our friend?
Branch: Our friend?
Poppy: If we make him our buddy, we protect Troll Village.
Branch: Poppy, no-one can make that guy our buddy.
Chenille: Yeah. He’s kinda right.
Poppy: Guys, we can make any enemy into a friend. We’ve just gotta find a way to win him over. (She opens the door to the Fun Dungeon.) Archer, I’m gonna need you to follow me. It’s time you faced the music.
Archer: Huh? (He comes outside.)
All: Happy Archer Pastry Day! DJ Suki appears with a band. A large balloon of Archer appears. Poppy shoots confetti.)
Archer: Let me guess. You created a holiday in my honor to persuade me to be your friend? (laughs) Oh, Trolls. Oh, this is sad. It’s just so sad. (Branch spits out his noise maker.)
Branch: See? He’s just going to use this to push our buttons.
Poppy: I bet you’ll change your tune when you see the super thoughtful gift we got for you. (She gives Archer a present.)
Archer: Really? Well, in that case, I’ll just have to re-gift it. (Poppy gasps as he throws the present to Guy Diamond. He screams and throws it to Satin and Chenille who throw it to Fuzzbert and back to Guy Diamond.) Your move. (Poppy grunts angrily. Later, Archer meets the improv team. He is sitting on a chair with a ribbon.)
Mags: Hi. We’re the impov team, The Split Ends, your Archer Pastry Day entertainment.
Guy Diamond: To get started, we need a suggestion of a thing from our guest of honor.
Archer: Poop!
Guy Diamond: Oh.
Poppy: Uh, what about something a little more fun?
Satin: Like clowns?
Archer: OK, a clown. Made out of poop!
Mags: (sighs) Fine. Can we also get the suggestion of a place?
Archer: Poopville. (The Trolls sigh.) And scene.
Poppy: Time for the Archer Pastry Day Anthem. And a 1, and a 2, and a-
Archer: 17, 11 1,000,006!
Poppy: Honor him by ignoring him.
Archer: 3.14592653- (Poppy sings Rhythm of Your Heart.)
(All)
Ooh-ooh Ooh-ooh
(Poppy)
I see those walls
I wanna break ‘em down
So I can know you inside and out
(All)
If you can just take a chance,
And believe in your friends
I can show you
Let me feel the rhythm of your heart
Let me see inside your soul
If you open up your eyes you’ll find
There’s a friend outside your door
There’s a friend outside your door (Archer begins to cry.)
Poppy: Archer? Are you… crying?
Archer: What? No. I just never heard a song like that before. It… It… It was…
Poppy: Touching?
Archer: Ugh, no. Stop. Why is everyone looking at me?! Don’t… Don’t look at me! (Poppy and her friends close and cover their eyes.)
Poppy: See? It’s working. Won’t be long now until Archer is a true friend. Archer? Archer? (She sees that Archer is escaping on the balloon version of himself.)
Archer: Later, Trolls!
Poppy: He’s gonna get away
Smidge: He’ll lead the Party Crashers right to us!
Branch: It’s OK. I’ve been preparing for something like this. Scramble the Jet Critters! (The Jet Critters are on slingshots and two construction Trolls are riding them. The sling shots send them flying.)
Construction Troll #1 and #2: It’s game time!
Construction Troll #1: I’ll serve up the sundae.
Construction Troll #2: And I’ll put the cherry on top. (He and the red construction Troll approach Archer.)
Branch: I’ve trained lots of Trolls, and these guys are the best of the best. (The Jet Critter fliers spill blue glitter in the sky. Poppy and her friends watch in amazement. (The Jet Critters cover Archer’s balloon with glitter in the shape of an ice cream sundae. Branch sighs.) Which is still not very good. (Archer laughs and jumps off his balloon. He lands in a river and rides a jet ski. Poppy and Branch get on another and go after him. Poppy takes out a megaphone.)
Poppy: (Through the megaphone) Archer, come back right now! (Archer picks up another megaphone.)
Archer: (Through the megaphone) Or what?! I know all your weaknesses. Queen Poppy declared a cannonball contest! (The Trolls cheer. A yellow male Troll hands from a tree.)
Troll #1: Cannonball! (A blue and purple female Troll and a red female Glitter Troll hand from another tree.)
Troll #1, #2, and Glitter Troll #1: Cannonball! (Poppy and Branch scream as they try to avoid the Trolls falling into the water. Another yellow male Troll lands with a big splash, sending Poppy and Branch flying.)
Jet Ski: Argh! (Poppy and Branch land in the water.)
Archer: Don’t worry. I’ll be back, Trolls. With friends!
Branch: Well, that’s it. Troll Village is done for. (He sinks into the water.)
Poppy: No. We still have one move left. (Branch rises again.)
Branch: Now we’re talking.
Poppy: (Through the megaphone) Ready the Smidge for launch! (Smidge’s friends untie her and put her in a cannon.) FIRE! (The cannon shoots Smidge into the river. Then she swims very fast toward Archer.)
Archer: Huh? (Smidge breaks his jet ski in half and it sinks. Luckily, Smidge saves him. The Snack Pack cheers for her.)
Branch: Hey, we caught Archer. High-five!
Poppy: (sad) Yeah. Woo-hoo. (She gives Branch a high-five softly.)
Branch: What’s wrong?
Poppy: (sighs) I guess we can’t make any enemy our friend. (She swims away. Later, she and her friends take Archer back to the Fun Dungeon.)
Archer: Poor Twolls. Did I ruin your dweam of making me your fwend? Oh. I’m so sowwy. You gonna cwy? Huh? Gonna shed whittle tears to think of me locked up here all alone? Aw. (Poppy opens the door and he goes inside.) Wait. What?! (He sees many Trolls in the Fun Dungeon.)
Branch: Hey! It’s about time you showed up!
Poppy: Branch? What are you doing here?
Harper: It’s our shift to spend time with Archer. Like you said, we can’t become friends with him if we’re out there.
Guy Diamond: So Branch decided groups of us should take turns spending time with him in here.
Branch: (Bringing a board) Yep. I worked it all out on my friendship rotation. See? Because we can make any enemy our friend. It just might take more than one day.
Archer: Pfft. A day? I can do a day with you Trolls.
Branch: Or it might take a week. (He presses a button on Gary and reveals another part of the board.)
Archer: I can do a week.
Branch: Or a month. (He presses another button and reveals another part of the board. Archer gasps.) It could take a whole lifetime of Troll positivity, but we will make you your friend. (He presses another button and reveals much more parts of the board.)
Archer: No! No! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!
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