Doug Eiffel

Douglas ("Doug") Fernandhttp://personalinsanitymoment.tumblr.com/post/130728183273/another-name-question-cause-im-a-big-ol-nerd Eiffel is the communications officer aboard the U.S.S. Hephaestus station. He is a primary protagonist of the podcast and was the main narrator for season 1 as the episodes were largely presented as his audio logs. As the series progressed, the remainder of the Hephaestus crew gained more equitable narrator status.
== Biography ==
=== Pre-Hephaestus Mission ===
Eiffel was born on December 25th, 1982 in Boston, Massachusetts, and eventually moved to Harris County, Texas. Throughout his early life, Eiffel held a number of jobs, including as a provisional technical sergeant for the United States Air Force, a private surveillance consultant, and a Pizza Hut team member. While his technical capabilities in communications were excellent, his disciplinary record ultimately cost him his position in the United States Air Force. At an unspecified time in his early life, Eiffel developed alcohol use disorder (colloquially, alcoholism), and described himself as having been an excessive drinker.
The majority of Eiffel's earlier life is described from Eiffel's perspective in the episode Limbo. Eiffel had a romantic relationship with a woman named Kate Garcia. Eiffel describes her as a "real special girl", but by present day is unable to determine whether she was his "dream girl" or his "nightmare demon monster from the Black Lagoon". Their relationship was said to be "all happily ever after", but quickly turned "real Sid and Nancy". Just as the relationship was collapsing, Kate discovered she was pregnant and gave birth to a daughter, Anne Garcia. Despite breaking up with Kate, Eiffel adored his daughter, talking to her daily and visiting her every other day.
Anne's birth encouraged Eiffel to make efforts to control his alcoholism including attending meetings and becoming sober, but he relapsed on a "bad day" an unspecified time later. Following his relapse, Kate ceased sharing custody of Anne with Eiffel; it is unspecified if Eiffel's legal rights were terminated or if he simply did not believe he could win a custody dispute. For about two months, Eiffel went to a "bad place", becoming an "old-fashioned monster", culminating in his breaking into Kate's home and kidnapping Anne. Before he could reach the highway, Eiffel crashed into a car driven by a high school junior and his younger brother, who were driving from the airport. Eiffel stated that he "put the Model UN president in a wheelchair," and that Anne became permanently deaf due to acute acoustic damage resulting from cranial trauma, but that he himself was fine. 
After the wreck, Eiffel was arrested and put on trial, where he was found guilty of one count of kidnapping and three counts of child endangerment, and sentenced to twenty-six years in prison, though he seemed to be planning to appeal the sentence as mentioned in Pagliacci. During his time in jail, Cutter approached Eiffel and offered him a full release, approved by the District Attorney and sheriff's officers handling Eiffel's case in exchange for his participation on the Hephaestus mission. Eiffel initially refused this offer, laughing in Cutter's face and stating that he knew he needed to do this. However, after Cutter informed Eiffel that his daughter's costs of living, education, and medical bills would be taken care of if he agreed, Eiffel agreed to the deal, officially becoming the communications officer for the Hephaestus. 
=== Hephaestus Mission ===
On the Hephaestus, Eiffel's job consisted of listening for signs of extraterrestrial contact. He made a habit of slacking off and playing jokes, until he actually discovered what could very well be signs of alien life. In the aftermath of those events, it was notably discovered that Eiffel was being used for Hilbert's experiments as a host for the Decima virus. Although Hilbert told Eiffel that he had been selected for the experiment before they were sent to the Hephaestus, he later claimed that the Decima project was a "personal" undertaking, which would suggest something contrary. Decima threatened Eiffel's life in "Do No Harm" but he recovered with help from Hilbert, and Captain Lovelace who provided a blood transfusion.
After the events of "Who's There?" Eiffel spent 223 days aboard Lovelace's shuttle, which he dubbed many names including, "U.S.S. Reliant Robin", "U.S.S. Pontiac Aztec", "U.S.S. Ford Excursion", all makes of car, and later, "U.S.S. Death Trap", "U.S.S. Piece of Crap" and "U.S.S. Horrible Unending Nightmare". His mayday was eventually received and he was picked up by Colonel Kepler and his crew on their way to the Hephaestus.
== Relationships ==
=== Hera ===
Eiffel and Hera share a friendship that has advanced from seeming indifference in the early episodes to a solid friendship by the second season. They're shown playing games and sharing interests together, and Hera gives Eiffel a transmission of Holst's The Planets as a birthday present. After the events of Christmas, Eiffel shows concern for Hera's mental and emotional well being, and frequently checks in with her to make sure she's okay. When Eiffel was sick, Hera was immensely worried about him and also referred to him as her best friend. When the Urania crew arrived, Eiffel was very protective of Hera towards Maxwell, who he suspected would tamper with Hera's programming and cause her even more harm.
=== Renée Minkowski ===
Minkowski and Eiffel are, at current, close friends. Other than perhaps Hera, Minkowski is the character Eiffel has the closest relationship with. Their relationship, having evolved out of a casual hostility early on, often involves teasing or complaining, but it's clear by now that this is only a part of a more complex relationship wherein the two have learned to rely on one another. Although they have frequent personality conflicts, they recognize and appreciate one another's strengths, and look out for each other. Eiffel is also notably essentially the only character who has ever made Minkowski truly laugh, which he did first in The Kumbaya Approach after she had begun to let on as to how badly she had been dealing with the events of the previous episode. He responded with an impression of her, causing her to burst out into a fit of laughter. Eiffel is incredibly loyal to Minkowski and in return she puts faith in him and has risked her life to save him on several occasions, the earliest example of this being in Cataracts and Hurricanoes, in which Minkowski suits up and ventures outside the station in the middle of a geomagnetic storm in order to save Eiffel, despite Hilbert's vehement arguments that said course of action would likely kill her. One significant instance in which Eiffel has demonstrated his trust in Minkowski would be in episode forty-five, Desperate Measures, in which, having witnessed the deaths of Captain Lovelace and Doctor Hilbert over the comms system, Minkowski is determined to put Kepler's plan to an end. She begins initiating a plan that will send the entire station directly into Wolf 359 unless Kepler surrenders to her. Kepler is, however, completely unwilling to yield until Eiffel gives him an impassioned speech, stating that "there is a special place in hell for those dumb enough to die trying to out-stubborn Lieutenant Commander Renée Minkowski."
=== Alexander Hilbert ===
Eiffel's attitude towards Hilbert was at first relatively neutral, if a little wary, but since the doctor's betrayal and subsequent revelations, Eiffel has become more and more intensely distrusting towards him. He clearly has reservations about letting Hilbert continue to experiment with the Decima virus, and when he is offered the opportunity to opt out, he takes it. However, when it is pointed out that the only reason he hasn't suffered lasting effects from his in-and-out cryostasis days is Decima, he seems to have second thoughts. Eiffel may feel sympathy towards Hilbert because of what he told him about his sister.
=== Isabel Lovelace ===
When Lovelace first appeared via audio logs, Eiffel expressed admiration for her and initially appeared interested in befriending her, but became fearful and doubting when she revealed that she had developed a bomb to prevent the Hephaestus crew from killing her. After Lovelace donated Eiffel her blood when he was suffering from a Decima outbreak in "Do No Harm", he was immensely grateful, though no less suspicious. Eiffel only became more trusting of her following the arrival of the SI-5 to the Hephaestus, as the crew developed a new enemy to focus on. In "Desperate Measures" Lovelace drew Kepler's attention and incited him to shoot her rather than Eiffel while the Colonel taunted Minkowski. After the reveal of Lovelace's status as an alien clone, Eiffel became notably fearful around her, refusing to use her name at one point. In "The Hiccups Method", Eiffel emotionally manipulated Lovelace by lying to her and then poisoning himself in an attempt to force the Dear Listeners to communicate with them by drawing on her fear of him dying, then attempts to trick her into an interview in "Shut Up and Listen". These two events prompt a dressing down from Lovelace regarding Eiffel's carelessly cruel behavior towards herself and Hera. After Eiffel withdrew from the crew in "Constructive Criticism", Lovelace along with Hera and Minkowski affirmed that Eiffel was her friend, and that her desire was for him to do better, not make a grand gesture. After Eiffel lost his memory, Lovelace still appeared to consider him a friend.
=== Kate Garcia ===
Kate is Doug's ex-girlfriend and the mother of his daughter Anne. Their relationship was dysfunctional and appears to have ended shortly after the conception or birth of Anne. The two were seemingly on good terms, with Eiffel being allowed to interact with Anne on a regular basis, until he relapsed in his alcoholism, which scared Kate into seeking full legal custody. 
== Trivia ==
* Eiffel states he hates spiders in Extreme Danger Bug. 
*His name may be a reference to the engineer Gustave Eiffel.
*In Brave New World Pryce mentions that Eiffel used to go fishing with his father, before destroying the memory.
*In Succulent Rat-Killing Tar Eiffel states that one of the good things about Earth are triple white chocolate mochas with whipped cream.
==Image gallery==
EiffelPosterSS1.jpg|Eiffel's character sheet from the Wolf 359 website.
== External links ==
*Character biography from wolf359.fm
*Eiffel - Pagliacci, character playlist by wolf359radio
== References ==
Category:Characters
Category:Hephaestus Crew