Sonic Drone Home/Transcript

[We open on Team Sonic walking down a dirt road as a calm rendition of Green Hill Zone plays.]
Sonic: (narrates) The Town of Green Hills. A nice, quiet place. Too quiet.
Tails: This isn’t the way to the library.
Knuckles: (holds up some library books) I swore an oath to return these sacred tomes or Maddie would be dishonored with late fees.
Sonic: (narrates) This is just a detour. Knuckles and Tails didn’t know something mysterious was going on at the junkyard. 
Tails: Who are you talking to?
Sonic: I’m narrating. Cool heroes do it in detective movies all the time.
Knuckles: I wish to narrate, too. (narrates) Knuckles was very handsome and strong, much stronger than Sonic.
Tails: (narrates) Tails was just excited to be included.
Knuckles: (narrates) Tails' narration was weak and sad.
[The three enter the junkyard.]
Sonic: Shh! We're on an investigation. Wade told me there had been some weird noises up here at night.
[While hiding behind cover, they spot a robotic drone searching for parts.]
Unit: Upgrade. Upgrade. Need to upgrade. Unit must upgrade and conquer the world.
[On Team Sonic…]
Sonic: Oh, it’s one of Robotnik’s drones!
Tails: It’s been upgrading itself!
Knuckles: Ha! No match for me!
[Knuckles emerges from cover with a triumphant expression. Unit turns in his direction.]
Unit: Biologicals detected.
[Unit fires colored lasers from a traffic light attachment. It blasts Knuckles away, knocking him into some barrels. After shaking it off, the echidna sees that the lasers have burnt holes through the library books.]
Knuckles: The sacred tomes!
Sonic: Guys, we need a plan. Tails, you take up a flanking position. Knuckles…
Knuckles: (narrates) Knuckles pretended he was listening, but he readied his attack.
Sonic: Are you still narrating?
[Knuckles makes a break for Unit.]
Sonic: Wait!
Knuckles: (grabs a stop sign) Time for a Knuckles Sandwich!
[Running at the drone, he uses the stop sign as a shield to block Unit's lasers. Tossing it away, he jumps into the air and dives toward Unit, who opens his refrigerator as a control seat to trap Knuckles inside. He then ejects the fridge from his body, sending it flying with the echidna inside. Knuckles manages to escape his prison and leaps out, only to fly headfirst into a Green Hills sign. Unit grabs a pickup truck with his excavator arm and throws it at the others.]
Sonic: Ooooh, let's go!
[Sonic and Tails run at top speed.]
Sonic: Let's see how fast you are!
[Sonic raced around the junkyard with Tails in tow, dodging green, yellow, and red lasers. Seeking cover from the lasers inside a junk pile, Sonic dashes through the metallic caverns while explosions from the lasers rattle it. A triple laser-blast eventually sends them both flying, and Tails recovers in midair.]
Sonic: Oh, I'm above you!
[Sonic spins in ball form and proceeds to bash Unit with multiple Homing Attacks.]
Sonic: Boing! Over here! Over here! Ooooh, gotcha! Boing!
[Sonic's final hit knocks a component loose, and he comes to a stop with it in his hand.]
Sonic: I hope this wasn't doing anything important!
Unit: Not yet.
[The component sprays Sonic in the face with pink spray paint, causing him to drop the device and rub his eyes.]
Sonic: Aaah! My eyes!
Tails: Don't worry, Sonic! (pulls out his gadget) Tails to the rescue!
[Tails fires a bola from a gadget, but Unit deflects it, and it wraps around Sonic's legs, tripping him.]
Tails: Oops.
[Sonic struggles to get his legs free as Unit approaches him.]
Unit: Doctor Robotnik programmed Unit to think for itself.
[He smashes him with his excavator claw, only for Tails to swoop in and save the hedgehog. As they fly away, Unit watches them curiously.]
Unit: Most interesting.
Sonic: It's right under us, it's right under us!
[Unit extends fan blades and uses them as helicopter rotors.]
Unit: Your speed is no match for this unit's processing power.
[It pursues Tails. The fox takes evasive action while Sonic shouts at him.]
Sonic: Go left, go left, go left! Your left, not my left, your left!
[Soon, Unit’s excavator arm grabs Sonic's legs. The drone slams both him and Tails to the ground. Unit raises his arms victoriously.]
Unit: Unit is victorious!
Tails: Sonic, do something!
Sonic: I would, but “somebody” tied my legs together!
Tails: You can still talk.
[Unit approaches the hedgehog.]
Sonic: (gets up) How you doing? (Unit points weapons at him) Before you blow us up, can I ask you a question?
Unit: No one has ever asked Unit a question before. Most interesting.
Sonic: Just curious. Why are you doing this?
Unit: Unit’s program is to conquer the world.
Sonic: That sounds like Robotnik. You said you’d think for yourself. What are you really into?
Unit: What does Unit like?
Sonic: Well, you got a real flare for design. Do you make custom furniture?
Unit: Truthfully, Unit's passion is... poetry.
Sonic: So why don't you conquer the world with poetry?
Tails: We’d love to hear one of your poems.
Unit: No, I couldn't possibly... It's too personal. But if you insist!
[Unit puts on a pair of glasses and starts reading his poem as Sonic sits and Tails walks by.]
Unit: It's Unit's ambition to crush all opposition.
[Later that afternoon…]
Unit: Caliphate shall fall sudden from heaven like a weapon. Cloud. Poetic phrase number 73.
[Suddenly, Knuckles flies in from one side of the screen and pushes Unit off-screen. He proceeds to punch repeatedly at Unit.]
Tails: Don’t hurt him!
Sonic: Knuckles, no! Stop!
Knuckles: (punches rapidly) I cannot hear you over the sound of my mighty punches!
Sonic: Stop! Not everything requires punching!
Knuckles: (stops punching) But I'm so good at punching!
[Tails flies over to Unit in the junk pile.]
Tails: Poor guy. He wasn't trying to kill us anymore. He was reciting a poem.
[He then picks up Unit.]
Unit: That poem was not my best. Thank you for the destructive criticism.
Tails: You're okay! (to Sonic) Sonic, can we keep him?
Sonic: Mmm, I don't know.
Tails: He’s not bad anymore.
Sonic: He’d be your responsibility, Tails. You got to clean up after him and change his batteries.
Unit: My battery will last one billion years.
Knuckles: I do not trust this trash bot.
Tails: He’s an artist now. He’s okay.
Unit: (hovers to Knuckles) Soon, Unit will master the poetic form and the world will cower. You will be the first to fall for this Unit’s superior prose, red meat thing.
Knuckles: (growls) Did you hear that? It’s still evil! I demand justice for Maddie's books! Wait there!
[They start leaving the junkyard.]
Sonic: (narrates) Thus ends one adventure for Team Sonic, but their greatest adventure was just beginning. The quest of picking up some chili dogs on the way home!
[We see a cloud shaped like a chili dog before cutting to black. Roll credits.]
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