Canned Bread

Canned Bread is the fourth episode of Cult of Squid. It aired November 4th, 2018 and was written by Locknloaded23.
== Plot ==
The cult tries to get Squidward out of his canned bread obsession.
== Transcript ==
(Ep begins with a shot of the outside of the lodge and a knocking sound is heard)
Noseward: (offscreen) Brother squidward!
(Cuts inside to reveal Noseward throwing himself at a door repeatedly)
Noseward: Brother Squidward!!!
(Security walks in holding a cup of coffee and wearing bunny slippers)
Security: what're you doing nosey? I can hear you from the outside!
Noseward: don't call me that. Anyway, im trying to get in cuz Brother Squidward’s been in there forever!
Security: lemme handle this. (Throws coffee at wall and runs towards the door) YAAAAH! (Slams into the door and falls over)
Noseward: it's locked you idiot!
(Camera moves to the inside of the room and to Squidward's throne and Squidward's on it holding canned bread)
Security: (offscreen while the camera moves) maybe if i used you as a battering ram..
Brother Squidward: oh canned bread, how i love thee… (kisses the can)
(Noseward and Security break in and Security is using Noseward as a battering ram)
Noseward: ow! Ram gentler next time!
Brother Squidward: AHG! (Looks at the can, throws it out the window) im not doing not nothing!
Noseward: brother squidward, was that canned bread?
Brother Squidward: n-no!
Security: brother squidward, you know what the doc said-
Doctor: (runs in) no canned bread for a week!
Security: thanks doctor crayons.
Brother squidward: you cant prove that ive been eating canned bread!
(Closet door bursts open and a mountain of canned bread falls out)
Brother Squidward: son of a-
Doctor: (drags Squidward offscreen) let's go.
(Cuts to inside a different room with everyone from the previous scene and squidward has a collar around his throat.)
Doctor: now, this machine was made to detect (holds up canned bread) when Squidward touches canned bread, and if he does it-
Squidward: MINE! (Grabs it and gets electrocuted)
Doctor: -emits an electric shock.
Squidward: (groans)
Security: jeez, did you set it to like 50? That was a gigantic shock!
Doctor: the machine still has a few bugs i havent worked out yet.
(Squidward gets electrocuted offsreen)
Squidward: i didnt even touch it!
Doctor: i know how, but the machine was made to hate the word bugs and cantaloupe soup.
(A shock 2 times bigger is seen and heard)
Squidward: how did you do that?!
Doctor: i was tired and started eating cantaloupe soup (another shock is seen and heard) a homemade recipe.
Noseward: what the heck is cantaloupe soup?
(Another shock is heard)
Doctor: cantaloupe soup (another shock) is where i make soup with cantaloupe.
Noseward: sounds good. You should get me some cantaloupe soup (another shock) someday.
Squidward: (stands up all charred) ENOUGH!
Doctor: hm, seems to be defective. Come to your throne and i will think of something else.
(Squidward walks off)
Security: mm. Cantaloupe soup.
(A shock is heard again)
(Cuts to Squidward and the rest in the throne room. Squidward is tied to his throne)
Doctor: this test will test your ability to resist canned bread. Over there on that table is a can of canned bread
Squidward: seems easy enough.
Doctor: we'll be uh, outside to uh wait or something. (They walk off)
Doctor: (offcreen, 3 seconds later) where'd that unicorn run off to?
Squidward: just sit here? seems easy enough.
(10 seconds later time card)
Squidward: uuymghfdbeowpjwnrkdowjenrkdowkwnrnodjw (turns into a werewolf)
(Cuts to Security, Noseward, and Doctor Crayons looking through in an observation room)
Doctor: wow. 10 seconds.
Noseward: that's a higher record than his previous time.
Doctor: what was that?
Noseward: 2.5 seconds.
(Ding is heard)
Security: ooh! My cantaloupe soup is done!
(The collar starts buzzing and electrocutes Noseward)
Doctor: but wasn't i the one with the collar?
(He gets electrocuted)
Security: (walks in with 3 bowls) I made 3 bowls of cantaloupe soup for all ‘o us!
(All 3 get electrocuted)
(Cuts to inside the throne room with all 4 in the room)
Doctor: well, it seems all our tests have failed, however, if you guys like, i could try the “controversial technique”
Noseward: whats that?
(The doctor puts a bag over everyone's head and drags them offscreen)
(Cuts to Squidward sitting in a chair in a dark room)
Squidward: (water splashes on his face) wha?!
Doctor: (offscreen, echoey) look forward.
Squidward: huh?
(Cuts to behind Squidward. A screen is infront of him)
Doctor: (offscreen) now… take a look at this!
(Cuts to infront of the screen. An image appears of Noseward and Security tied above shark-infested water)
(Cuts back)
Squidward: (gasp)
Doctor: infront of you is a can of canned bread. If you choose to not grab it, they live. If you choose to, however, they will be dropped into the water.
Squidward: uhhhh…
Doctor: what will you choose?
(10 seconds of repeated shots of the screen, squidward and the canned bread)
Squidward: wait, how is this gonna cure my addiction?
Doctor: uh…
(The lights turn on to reveal Squidward in a medium-sized closet)
Doctor: (walking in) god damn, i thought that would work!
Squidward: but where are-
Doctor: oh, they're fine. I'll untie them in a minute. As long as you touch the can they'll be fine.
Squidward: (wiping forward) few!
(Sweat hits the can causing it to move. Cut to a shot of Security and Noseward falling into the water. They scream)
Squidward: uh… oops.
(Cuts back to the throne room. Noseward and Security are badly injured)
Doctor: well, that was a bust.
Noseward: YOU THINK JACKA-
Squidward: hmm… maybe… (chucks can into the cage) there! Now i will be oka- (turns into werewolf and runs off)
Doctor: we better uh, go after him.
Noseward and Security: yep.
(They look at each other and run offscreen)
(Cut to the cage)
Nat: i am so BORED in here!
Fred: yeah! Not to mention they hardly feed us.
(The can hits nat's head)
Nat: ow! Hey… (grabs can) this is canned bread!
Frank: what?!
Fred: Gimme!
(All the fish in the cage fight over the can)
END.
Category:Locknloaded23
Category:2019 Episodes