Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers/Transcript

- (BELL RINGING)
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
TEACHER: Hello, hello. Good morning.
Come along now.
Simon, no headphones.
You'll get these back after school.
Betty, you're not Donald Duck!
Put some pants on, please!
- DALE: Okay. What's the first thing...
- Okay, kids. Have fun at school!
- ...that pops into your head...
- Bye, Dad!
- ...when I say Chip 'n Dale?
- Hey, stop bumping me!
I'm willing to bet
it's Thomas Chippendale,
the London-based
cabinet maker from the s.
Sick cabinet, Thomas!
But I bet the second thing
that pops into your head are these guys.
But certainly, third would be
those rascally cartoon chipmunks,
Chip 'n Dale,
or should I say Chip and me?
And it all started the day we met,
when I had to join a new school
in the middle of third grade.
Hello, potential new friends!
We have a new student today.
Everyone, say hello to Dale.
Hello, everyone. Nice to meet you!
(STUDENT COUGHS)
Uh...
(GASPS) I know.
- (SCREAMS) My eye! It's in my eye!
- (KIDS SCREAMING)
(RETCHES)
- No, no, no, no. (SCREAMS)
- DALE: Get it out!
Uh... (CHUCKLES)
- It's a joke. See? I'm fine.
- (KIDS SCREAMING)
- (CRYING)
- Ew. You're weird.
(SIGHS)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(GROANS)
DALE: By lunchtime,
no one wanted anything to do with me.
So, I had to sit alone.
- (SIGHS)
- Hey. Mind if I sit?
That pencil thing you did was hilarious!
It was excellent comic timing.
- Really? I kind of wish I hadn't done it.
- No way, man.
The biggest risk
is not taking any risk at all.
You just didn't set up the joke right.
I can help you if you want.
- The name's Chip.
- I'm Dale.
So, do you watch Crispy Cow?
- Hey! That's my milk!
- Hey! That's my milk!
- (BOTH LAUGH)
- DALE: Chip was so funny and thoughtful
- about everything.
- So good!
DALE: And I never thought about anything.
We were perfect together.
Friendship is rare
Do you know what...
- CHIP: Come on!
- DALE: And even though,
- we were in the same grade...
- Follow me!
...Chip was like the older brother
I never had.
He introduced me to cheesy crust pizza
and funny, old movies.
- (BOTH GRUNT)
- (KIDS LAUGH)
DALE: By high school we were headlining
the talent show.
And for our grand finale,
The Amazing Dale will juggle everything!
Hey!
- Ow, ow, ow, ow. Ah!
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING)
DALE: We knew we had something special.
So, after graduation, we packed our bags
- and headed to California.
- You're late! Come on!
Move, move, move! Here, catch!
- Nice one!
- DALE: Aw.
(SNORES)
Hello, potential new friends!
Goodbye, eclectic group of bus passengers.
Oh, what if I did something like,
"I'm into nuts."
(CHUCKLES) Good, good.
I love it. Great stuff.
DALE: Those first few months,
we were flat broke,
but they were some
of the best times of my life.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
...when you're off, everyone knows.
So be on, with Fresh-On Deodorant...
- (LAUGHS) Whoa! Whoa!
- We look great.
DALE: And after landing a few small parts,
we finally got the call
that would change everything.
MALE VOICE: (OVER TELEPHONE) Chip, Dale,
how would you like your own show?
(BOTH GASP)
-Sometimes some crimes
-DALE: Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers.
- We had finally done it!
- Go slipping
- DALE: Our own  TV show.
- Through the cracks
DALE: It was about a group
of little detectives...
-But these two, Gumshoes
-...who would solve big crimes.
- There was the adventurer, Monterey Jack.
- Are picking up the slack
- DALE: The inventor, Gadget Hackwrench...
- Ch... Ch... Ch... Chip 'n Dale!
- ...and Zipper, a fly.
- Rescue Rangers
DALE: His things were, he was small
and he couldn't speak,
- a double threat.
- When there's danger
Ch... Ch... Ch... Chip 'n Dale!
DALE: And then there was Chip and I,
we were a classic odd couple
with Chip as the logical straight man...
- Pass me that pipe. I've got an idea.
- ...and me as the fun-loving goof.
- Right, what are you gonna do with it?
- You're mine now. (SNICKERS)
Ah. (SLURPS) Birds! (CHUCKLES, GASPS)
Why you little... Come here, you.
- (GASPS) No!
- I guess the cat's in the bag.
(ALL LAUGH)
- And cut. That's a wrap, folks.
- (APPLAUSE)
Nice work, everyone!
Great job!
And so, I just wanna thank all of you
for the greatest three years of my life.
When I think back
to where this all started,
me finding Dale sitting all alone
in the cafeteria, so sad.
- Well, I wasn't that sad.
- (ALL LAUGH)
That's funny.
But never in my wildest dreams
did I think we'd be here now.
So, to you, Dale, my best friend,
and to all of you.
- And to everyone who loves a short toast.
- (CHUCKLES) Okay. Okay.
To many more seasons
of the Rescue Rangers. Cheers!
- Cheers!
- Cheers!
- Over here. Get together.
- (CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING)
- Everybody say, "Cha-cha-cha-cheese!
- (LAUGHTER)
- One, two, tell me what you're...
- DALE: We were living the dream.
High on the hog, all night long,
dancing the "Roger Rabbit,"
- with Roger Rabbit.
- CROWD: Go, Roger. Go, Roger. Go, Roger.
- Go, Roger.
- ROGER: Boy, what a party.
(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
Oh, zipper.
Oh, yeah. I love this.
- I am into nuts!
- (LAUGHTER)
- So good. Again, again.
- DALE: Those were some crazy fun times.
- I'm into nuts.
- (LAUGHTER)
- So awesome.
- DALE: Super fun.
So fun.
(SIGHS)
Now, that we found love
What are we gonna do with it
Hey, where'd you run off to, buddy?
I saved you a piece of cake.
- What's that?
- Okay.
I wasn't gonna show you this right now,
but it just got delivered. So... Ta-da!
(CHUCKLES) "Double- Dale"?
That's hilarious. What is that?
It's wild, right? It's my new show.
I'm gonna be a super spy.
Wh... what are you talking about?
Yeah, I'm really going for it.
And just like you always say,
"The biggest risk
is not taking any risk at all." (LAUGHS)
- Wait, you really have a new show?
- DALE: Yep!
Wh... why didn't you
talk to me about it first?
We tell each other everything.
You've told me what you had
for lunch the last days.
Pineapple pizza and a diet Slice.
- Exactly.
- DALE: I don't know.
I just wanted to make sure
the show was gonna happen first,
- before I got your hopes up.
- My hopes up? What?
Yeah! It's good news for everyone.
Check this out.
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho
- (LAUGHS)
- I just...
If you do this,
they might cancel the show.
No, they won't do that. I mean,
everyone knows you're the favorite.
And I'm just the guy
who gets hit in the head
with a pipe each week. It's fine.
Okay, so, you're gonna risk
all of Rescue Rangers
because I'm a little
more popular than you?
Do you know how dumb that is?
(SCOFFS)
Well, I am the dumb one.
- (SIGHS) I didn't mean it like that.
- (SIGHS) I know. You never mean it.
Look, you're always acting
like you saved me or something.
But when we were kids,
we were in it together.
What are you talking about?
We're still in it together.
I'm sorry, Chip.
I'm just done being second banana.
But you're not second banana.
I'm a banana
and you're just another banana.
- Two bananas.
- (PHONE RINGING)
- Please, don't get that.
- But it could be my agent, Dave Bolinari.
After everything I've done for you,
do not pick up that phone.
- I'm sorry.
- Dale, stop.
- We're not done talking.
- I have to.
Do not. Do not do it.
I'm so sorry. Go for Dale.
(LAUGHING) Hey! Dave Bolinari.
DALE: Rescue Rangers
was canceled that summer,
and Double- Dale
was scrapped after the pilot.
- DAVE: Dale, you still there?
- Yeah. Yeah, I'm here.
DALE: It wasn't anyone's fault
in particular,
just one of those showbiz things.
But now, we're ready to bring it back.
Rescue Rangers . ! Starring me.
Now in new and improved D.
- ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen...
- Oh, wow. You hear that?
- ...are you ready for the star of the day?
- Well, that's my cue to go.
This has been chapter one of Dale's Tales.
If you liked it, please don't forget
to subscribe below.
ANNOUNCER: You know him from
The Disney Afternoon.
Please, welcome to the stage...
Gotta go, bye!
- ...Baloo!
- Well, now.
Who here likes a little jazz music?
Look for the bare necessities
-The simple bare necessities
-(SIGHS)
Pardon moi, Dale, but your followers,
they believe the crowd is for you?
Of course they do, Lumiere.
And pretty soon,
\that crowd is gonna be for me.
(COUGHS) Yeah, Dale! I'm going to be up
on that stage too, right beside you!
- Yes, Ugly Sonic. That's the spirit.
- And they'll like me for who I am,
not like last time when the internet
got one look at my human teeth,
and burned the place down.
Okay, let's see here.
"Best wishes, Ugly Sonic."
There you go, kid.
- (LAUGHS)
- Oh, they're laughing at me. I know that.
You can't hurt my feelings
if I'm in on the joke.
- Are you though?
- Yes!
Anyway, now my luck has shifted.
I've been offered a new reality show
where I do ride-alongs with the FBI.
It's called Ugly Sonic, Uglier Crimes.
- Really? A  TV show? You?
- Yeah, is that so difficult to believe.
Oh, uh... (CHUCKLES)
- I guess... not.
- (UNSETTLING MUSIC PLAYING)
- (MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY)
- Yeah, you know what?
That's great.
When one of us succeeds, we all succeed.
Baloo was part of the Disney Afternoon
just like me.
Then he got The Jungle Book
reboot and boom,
he's back on top. It happens that fast.
Bravo, Dale!
Your positivity is infectious. Oh, merci!
Oh, I really needed that cash.
You just gotta stay prepared.
I'm keeping myself fit and you know,
my updated modern look?
Yes, Dale, your CG surgery
was done very tastefully.
- You look amazing.
- Well, thank you, Tigra.
- We should hang out sometime.
- Nah.
- Meanly fast.
- No offense,
but don't you think you'd have more fans
here if Chip did these events with you?
Oh, Chip? Oh, that's interesting.
I hadn't thought about him in a while.
I should give him a call.
See how life's treating him.
Life is the worst,
which is why you need good insurance.
Look, I'm not gonna put
on the hard sell, but in my experience,
bad things happen all the time.
They happen without warning.
Sometimes from the last place
you'd expect it,
and you're left to pick up the pieces.
So, you have to protect yourself.
If you're prepared for the worst,
the worst isn't so bad.
So, why risk it? It's my job
to pull the wool off your eyes...
- figuratively.
- You know, I'll take the whole package.
Fantastic. You're making the right choice.
Hey, hey. Congrats!
Employee of the month again.
- CHIP: Thanks, Bruno.
- Wanna get a drink to celebrate?
Yeah, you never hang out.
Sorry, everyone. Can't tonight.
Millie's waiting for me.
But thanks for the invite.
(RIBBITS) Are you sure you don't wanna
see my new pad? (CHUCKLES)
(CHUCKLES) Oh, pad.
Frog-based humor. No, thanks.
(LAUGHS) That's just a taste of what you
get from me outside the work environment.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
- Good evening, Chip.
- Hello, Mrs. House, thank you.
(KEYPAD BEEPING)
(SOFT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
(HEAVY METAL PLAYING FROM EARPHONES)
- (MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY)
- Millie, I'm home.
(SCATTING)
Flounder's disappearance
marks the sixth
notable cartoon to go missing
in the last two months...
- (DOG BARKING)
- Oh, ho ho. Get over here.
Oh, there's my wittle girl.
You've been cooped up all day?
Okay, okay. You must be hungry.
Yup! (GRUNTS)
- (DOG BARKS)
- There you go. All right, slow down.
(GRUNTS)
(SCATTING)
- Calling all chipmunks!
- The chipmunks are back.
- Yeah!
- And this time, they're rapping.
Let's go! Chipmunks
Here for more, so...
(GROANS) Of course, they're rapping.
They always have to make the cartoons rap.
It's time to dance...
Ooh, a message on my land line.
I don't like that.
(TELEPHONE BEEPS)
MONTEREY: G'day, Chipper!
It's me, Monterey Jack.
- Monty?
- MONTEREY: Hey!
I know we haven't spoken in a long time.
But I'm in a heck of a lot of trouble.
And I could use some help from a friend.
I'd really appreciate
if you could come and see me at my place.
All right, gotta go. Hope to see you soon.
(PHONE BEEPS)
Oh, wow.
It's been so long. (SIGHS)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
(DOORBELL RINGS)
- (SCREAMS)
- Quick!
- Get in while the coast is clear.
- Oh, Monty. It's you.
I'm sorry about that, mate,
but they're watching.
- They're always watching.
- Who are?
- Oh, it's been too long, Chip.
- It really has, old buddy.
(SNIFFS) I... I'm sorry, Monty,
but what is that God-awful smell?
What? You don't remember?
Rescue Ranger's cologne.
I wear it every day.
Oh, no. I remember. It smells like
almond butter and gasoline.
And it's very difficult to wash out.
Right. So, Monty, what's going on?
I got your voicemail.
You said you were in trouble?
(GROANS) I screwed up, Chip.
My love of cheese got the best of me.
- And I bought more than I could pay for.
- Oh, no. Cheese? Monty.
I know, I know. But I haven't had so much
as a whiff in weeks. I'm dairy-free.
- Really? Then what's that?
- Oh, crud.
It's a really stinky Gorgonzola.
You weren't supposed to see that.
Ch... ch... ch... ch... ch...
ch... cheese!
Hang on, Monty.
Ugh... (GRUNTS)
(BANGS)
(GASPS, PANTS)
(COUGHS) I'm sorry, Chipper.
I just love it so much.
It's okay, Monty. We'll get you some help.
It's not just that, Chip. Now, I owe
a ton of money to the Valley g*ng.
The Valley g*ng?
Monty, those guys are bad news.
I know. And if I can't pay up,
they're gonna bootleg me.
"Bootleg you"? What does that mean?
Oh, Chip. It's gotten rough out there
for us old-timers.
Did you hear what happened
to that little guy, Flounder?
When he fell behind on krill payments?
Oh, no!
- (GRUNTS) Time to pay up, fish.
- Um. How about this? Isn't it neat?
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Come on, fellas.
This is a genuine Dinglehopper.
It's worth a lot. Oh!
MONTEREY: So, they kidnap the bloke,
erase his mouth so he can't scream,
then change him around to try to sneak by
the copyright laws,
and then smuggle him overseas
to a black-market studio,
where he'll spend the rest of his life
being forced to make
terrible bootleg movies.
Oh, no, that's awful.
We can't let that happen to you.
- We'll figure something out.
- You mean it?
Of course, you were always
such a good friend to me.
You never let me down.
I've really missed you, you big galoot!
Oh, I missed you too, Chipper.
I know Gadget and Zipper miss you also.
- Yeah? How are they doing?
- Oh, they're great.
- Forty-two kids and counting.
- CHIP: Wow, look at that.
That one's got Gadget's eyes
and Zipper's wings.
And that one's got
her ears and hands, cute.
We had some good times, didn't we, pal?
Aye, the best.
- (KNOCKING)
- They're here! Hide!
(BOTH GRUNT)
DALE: Hello?
Is that...
That's steps
to get up to your apartment.
You do a couple of those a day
and you're in...
- Quick! Get in!
- Okay. (LAUGHS)
Oh.
- Dale...
- Chip.
- Hey.
- Yep, it's me.
- Cool.
- Yeah, I called Dale for help also.
- I hope that's okay.
- Yeah, why wouldn't it be okay?
I mean, it is, uh, okie-dokie artichokie.
- "Artichokie"? For real?
- Yes. "Artichokie."
So, you're not still mad
about all the stuff with,
you know, Double- Dale
and Rescue Rangers getting canceled?
Mad? No. I'd be pretty pathetic
to care about something
from that long ago.
Oh. Okay. I mean, you can care a little
if you want to. I mean, I care, but...
- So, what's been up with you?
- Oh, you know this, that,
other vague things
to fill the space of this conversation.
- Okay, well, you look the same.
- Yeah. Thanks. And you look... different.
Ah! Hey, it's no secret
I had the CGI surgery done
and it's done wonders
rejuvenating my career.
I'm actually starring in a play tonight...
But, man, I tell you
the real hot ticket is Rescue Rangers.
There's even some buzz about a reboot.
Someone started a Facebook fan page
- for it and everything.
- Crikey! A Facebook fan page?
- They don't just give those away.
- Oh, he's full of it, Monty.
No one's talking about
a Rescue Rangers reboot except for him.
What? The fans are hungry for it.
Look, I came here to help Monty,
not get caught up
in some Hollywood nonsense.
So, great to take this skip
down memory lane,
but I've gotta go.
Monty, if you're really in trouble,
you know how to find me.
Dale, you were also here.
(SOFT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
Come over to try and help Monty,
ambush me, talking about a reboot...
think they can squeeze a dollar
out of essentially nothing.
He's the one that quit the show
in the first place.
I've been fine without it.
It's garbage. Total garbage.
That's why it's better
to not even have friends.
Okay, yeah, that one looks pretty good.
MALE VOICE : So weird, I mean...
MALE VOICE : It's, like,
"What are you talking about?"
Totally. Hey, guys, you wanna hang
after the show tonight?
I know a great place
for cheesy-crust pizza.
Oh, um, I'm sorry, man,
but we got other plans, you know?
Yeah.
I think the ironic guest performer
wants to be friends.
(LAUGHTER)
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Go for Dale.
E.T. forgive Bat.
Fine.
(SOBS) Yeah, right.
Like that would happen.
- (MILLIE WHINES)
- (CELL PHONE BUZZING)
- (CLEARS THROAT) Hello.
- Hey, it's Dale. Don't hang up.
Look, I just got a call from the police
and Monty's been kidnapped.
- What? Are you serious?
- Yeah, it's crazy.
The cops want a statement from us
since we were
the last people he talked to.
I'm gonna head back
to his apartment.
I'll meet you there, okay?
(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)
(SIRENS)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
- Chip, you're here.
- Of course. Come on.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Poor Monty.
Huh.
Toad, take this to the lab.
You're the friends of the victim?
You got anything for me?
Any known enemies or threats?
Yeah, actually, Monty told me
he was in debt to the Valley g*ng?
He was afraid of being bootlegged
since he was somewhat of a star
in the early ' s. (CHUCKLES)
He was on the Rescue Rangers.
We were on the show together.
Chip 'n Dale, Rescue Rangers?
- When you need help, just call...
- Never heard of it.
- What?
- This is my fault. I shouldn't have left.
Well, it eats me up inside
to have to tell you this,
but if he's been taken by the Valley g*ng,
I doubt we can help you.
We've been trying for years
to track those sleaze bags.
A fella named Sweet Pete,
runs the whole operation,
- and he's always one step ahead of us.
- What?
So, that's it? I... I thought
that cops were supposed
to serve and protect,
not give up and move on.
Hey! I'd give anything
to make a case against those scum.
Sweet Pete's got his fingers
in every illegal business
from bootlegging to stinky cheese,
getting rich while we look like
we just fell off the turnip truck.
- All done, sir.
- (EXCLAIMS)
Oh! You scared the beans out
of me, Steckler.
Sorry, sir.
- I searched the perimeter. No clues.
- Yeah, of course not. Why would there be?
Six missing toons
in a month and not one clue.
Well, maybe we should check in
with the neighbors?
- See if anyone saw anything?
- Oh, yeah. You think?
Why don't you just
leave the real detective work to me, okay?
- (LAUGHING) Sheesh.
- Right. Sorry, sir.
Chief, the press are outside
waiting for a statement.
- (GROANS) Do I have anything on my back?
- ELLIE: Yes, sir.
It looks like a Monopoly game piece
and Officer O'Hara.
Officer! What the... Ugh, just want one
day where my shirt stays clean.
Okay, pack it up, boys.
Let's go.
Hey! (CHUCKLES)
- I'm Ellie Steckler. Uh. I am a huge fan.
- Really?
I actually became a detective
because as a little girl
growing up in Albany,
I wanted to help people.
- Just like you guys.
- No way. We are so honored. Namaste.
You know that was just
a  TV show, right? Not real.
Chip, inspiration is inspiration.
Look, I heard
what Putty was saying to you guys.
But I don't think it's hopeless.
I'm breaking some rules telling you this,
but from everything
that we know about bootlegging,
the whole process takes about two days.
- That's hours.
- Yeah.
ELLIE: The problem is,
we don't know where
Sweet Pete's bootlegging facility is.
And every time we try to get a warrant,
we get so bogged down in red tape
that nothing happens.
But if you guys can find
that bootlegging facility,
I think you'll find your friend.
Wow! Thank you, and thank you again
for watching the show.
- It really means a lot.
- You are gross.
- (CHUCKLES) I'll be in touch.
- DALE: You're amazing!
(CHUCKLES)
Eh?
- CHIP: What?
- You heard her.
- We should go find Monty ourselves.
- Are you kidding?
- No! Who better to rescue Monty?
- Uh, literally anyone.
'Cause from where I am standing,
there's only one crime-fighting team
that can solve this case.
I'll call Gadget and Zipper.
No, don't bother them.
We're as much real detectives
- as the Scooby-Doo g*ng.
- Exactly. That's why we have to try.
No! What?
Chip, Monty called
both of us looking for help
and we let him down.
We can't just let him rot
in some overseas studio,
being forced to make bad movies.
If he's gonna make bad movies,
he should be making them here with me.
(SIGHS) Okay, even if we were
going to help,
we have no idea where to start.
We don't even know what we're...
(SNIFFS) Cheese.
- (GRUNTS)
- Uh. Okay. Hey, listen.
Buddy, If you're low
on cash or something,
- I can buy you a nice, clean sandwich.
- Okay. Aha!
Here it is! I threw this out
when I came over earlier.
"Bjornson's Cheese Shop.
, Main Street."
Um. Did you just find a clue?
You literally just sniffed out a clue!
Look, we can go to the cheese shop.
See what we can find out
about this secret facility
and Sweet Pete,
then pass it along to the officer lady,
but that's all we're gonna do.
So, you're saying
the Rescue Rangers are back?
No, because there's no such thing
as Rescue Rangers. Case closed.
- "Case?"
- No, this is not a case
- because we're not real detectives.
- Oh ho ho! But you did say case. Yes!
(LAUGHS)
- (ENGINE REVVS)
- (HEROIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(MUSIC ENDS ABRUPTLY)
- (SIGHS) Can I help you?
- Sorry. (CHUCKLES)
I'm just happy to see you.
Chip 'n Dale, together again.
Yeah. Okay.
Ch... Ch... Ch... Chip 'n Dale!
Rescue Rangers
- Ch... Ch... Ch... Chip 'n Dale!
- Stop singing the song.
(GASPS)
You know they make
chipmunk-sized cars, right?
Duh. But human stuff is the best.
A little work done on her,
and she'll be back to her glory days.
Hey, watch out!
Do you know what a metaphor is, Dale?
If you're about to say
this car is a metaphor
for something about me, you can stop.
Because, no,
I don't know what a metaphor is.
Look, if we're gonna solve...
- (DRAMATIC JAZZ MUSIC)
- DALE: "The Case of the Missing Monty."
That's just a placeholder name.
Open to any ideas.
- We're gonna have to work together.
- We are not working together.
(LAUGHS) You're funny, Chip.
- (LAUGHS)
- Ugh...
CHIP: Okay, we're getting close.
Pull up over there.
And leave the top hat
and cane in the car, please.
(LAUGHS) Whoa! How did you know that?
- 'Cause you're you.
- All right. Heads-up.
Well... (GRUNTS) ...there's no faster way
to gain someone's respect
than to dress like
an important business magnet.
You mean business "magnate"?
Uh. I think I know my own character, Chip,
and he wears a top hat.
CHIP: Ah, this place is pretty shady.
Are we sure it's safe?
DALE: No. Because nothing's safe...
(GRUNTS)
...on Main Street.
(WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
Oh, wow. It seems kinda nice.
It's not what I pictured.
Trust me, it's worse.
It's a bunch of cartoons trading
on their wholesome public image
to keep the cops away.
And bring you
the slimiest backwater bazaar
of contraband this side of Guadalajara.
You sure about that?
That dog's blowing bubbles.
Hello!
Nothing, and I mean nothing
is sacred in this part of town.
Bread for sale, bread for sale
-Everyone loves bread for sale
-That guy, he sells untraceable weapons.
Scoot, scoot
A shiny shoe makes the man
A shiny shoe, now there's a plan
Stolen social security numbers.
Roses are a way
- To make a girl feel pretty...
- No, thanks, kid.
- Muppet fights.
- Okay, why do you know all this?
Well, sometimes when I'm low on cash,
I sell my fur to that wig shop.
Hey. Far out.
-It's a stinky, it's a gooey
-CHIP: Ah, here.
- It's a stinky, it's a gooey...
- I think this is our guy.
I make deals for a living.
So, just let me do the talking.
- Ten-four. Got your back.
- No, you don't have my back. I got this.
Hi, Mr. Bjornson.
Do you have any cheese for sale?
Oh, do I have cheese? (LAUGHS)
Let's see, we've got the Muenster,
the Gouda, the Brie.
Do you have any "stinky cheese?"
- Are you cops?
- (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
No! No. We just wanna buy
some stinky cheese.
The stinkier, the better.
All right, come on. Get in.
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
Oh, yeah. (MUNCHES)
- Oh, so good.
- More, please. More, please.
Choo! Choo!
Hey, no more free samples, Lester.
This isn't Baskin Robbins. (LAUGHS)
So, you want stinky cheese?
I got smell lines that'll take you
through the ceiling.
- Ow.
- (CLEARS THROAT)
"Through the ceiling," huh?
Seems like you offer a quality product.
But hey, before we get into all that,
do me a favor. Take a look at this photo.
It's a friend of mine named Monterey Jack.
Which is also the name of a cheese.
- Continue.
- Right.
So, we think he's being held
in a warehouse somewhere.
If you know anything,
I'm sure we could make it
worth your while.
Like, what would you say to some
complementary RV or boat insurance?
Nah, I don't know nothin'.
Now, either buy some cheese or get out.
Oh, okay. Um...
(CHUCKLES) Well, perhaps we should,
with the disrespectful tone
this felted clodhopper takes,
why, I never!
- What are you doing?
- I am an important business magnet.
I shall have no trouble
attracting other suitors
for my gigantic deal
because that's what magnets do.
They attract business.
No, you two are definitely cops.
You're out of here.
Okay, hold on.
This is getting out of hand.
- We are not cops.
- We're actors! (LAUGHS)
It's been us, Chip 'n Dale,
the whole time.
Huh. Interesting. My boss,
Sweet Pete, he loves actors.
- Ah, yeah. Who doesn't? (CHUCKLES)
- You know, I think you should meet him.
Really? Meeting Sweet Pete, huh?
Looks like I just took us
from outside the club to the VIP room.
Wow! This VIP room is incredible!
I'm freaking out, dude.
(GASPS) Is that Jessica Rabbit over there?
I'm only asking because I'm zip tied
- in the back of a truck!
- Whoa! What's with the attitude?
We were about to get
kicked out with your plan,
and now, thanks to my sweet improv,
we're going to see Sweet Pete.
Oh, you're insane.
- Am I?
- Of course.
- So, you'd rather just give up?
- No!
- You wanna just wait around...
- You should've just let me take the lead!
(BOTH QUARRELING IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICES)
Hey! Hold on a second!
How adorable are we?
Chemistry like this doesn't just happen.
This has got reboot written all over it.
Ugh. Are you serious?
I should be home right now.
Millie is probably worried sick
and peeing all over the place.
Oh, are you seeing someone?
She sounds... nice.
- She's a dog. Millie is a dog.
- Ah, I'm sure she's not that bad.
- What? No, she's...
- (LOUD CRASHING)
(TRUCK DOOR SLAMS)
We're here.
Whoa. This place looks weird.
Where are we?
- (CAT SCREECHES)
- (OBJECTS RATTLE)
DALE: Okay.
I think we're in the Valley.
- The Uncanny Valley.
- The what?
Do you remember that weird
animation style in the early s
where everything looked real,
but nothing looked right?
Oh, yeah. That stuff was creepy.
Well, I think this is where they ended up.
BJORNSON: Come on. This way. (LAUGHING)
(HUMMING)
- BOB: What?
- I got something for Sweet Pete.
- A little gift from Bjornson.
- BOB: Okay, leave it there.
Good luck, dummies. (LAUGHS)
Blend, Cheese, Curd, Blend...
(SINISTER MUSIC PLAYING)
- Who are you?
- Is he talking to us?
I can't tell.
He's got those Polar Express eyes.
- Uh. Are you talking to us?
- Obviously, I said, "Who are you?"
Well, right. But in fairness,
it looks like you're talking
- to that window.
- No, it actually looks like
- I'm looking right at you.
- Okay.
Look at my eyes,
looking right at your eyes.
- Yeah.
- Okay. Listen, sir.
Actually, you know what?
Get... Here, just...
Get off me! Get your foot out of my mouth.
Hey, there! Can you see me?
Hi! We just wanna talk to Sweet Pete.
Okay, follow me!
(MACHINERY BUZZING, BEEPING)
I wonder if they're keeping Monty in here.
There's only one way to find out.
So, is this your secret
bootlegging facility or what?
- Come on!
- What? No! What are you talking about?
This is Sweet Pete's legit business.
It's for old merchandise
that never got sold.
- Old merchandise?
- Yeah, like for example,
- you remember Shrek body wash?
- CHIP: Uh...
BOB: Exactly. No one does. It didn't sell.
That's why Sweet Pete
bought all the inventory,
and melts it down for its useful parts.
The guy has a real eye for business.
I wish I could see what he sees.
I'm sure there's corrective lenses
or something you could get. Ow. What?
So, he turns the toys into toy-lets.
(LAUGHS)
Wow! That's been staring at me for years,
and I never pieced it together. (LAUGHS)
Here we are!
(CHIP AND DALE SCREAM, PANT)
Hello!
- Peter Pan?
SWEET PETE: Yup! Star of stange and screen, but you can call me Sweet Pete.
Star of stage and screen,but you can call me Sweet Pete.
- Oh, you look...
SWEET PETE: Old? Bald? Sad like a zoo gorilla?
- What? No. Not like a zoo gorilla.
SWEET PETE: Don't worry. You can't say nothing to me I haven't heard already. Jimmy, please. Untie our guests.
(GRUNTS)
SWEET PETE: Chip and Dale! Wow! You mind if I walk while we talk? Not fitting into the old costume like I used to. Need to get my steps in.
Hey! I've got one of those.
We should link accounts and help motivate each other.
Right. So, I'm guessing you two are here to talk about Monterey Jack.
- Oh. Yeah, actually we are.
SWEET PETE: You know, I always liked Monty. It's a shame what happened. Too much cheese. Not enough bread.
Listen, Mr. Sweet Pete... Mr. Pete.
We'd be willing to pay whatever Monty owes you if you could give him a break?
Just this once?
SWEET PETE: Hmm. "Give him a break"? You know, I got my big break when I was just a kid. I got cast in the biggest movie in the world, as the boy who wouldn't grow up, Peter Pan. I'd never been so happy in my entire life. Then I got older, and they threw me away like I was nothing. This business can be so tough.
(SCOFFS) You said it.
SWEET PETE: I was scared, desperate, and all alone. So, I decided to take the power back and make my own bootleg movie! I called it "Flying Bedroom Boy." And guess what? It worked! I made lots of money. So, I recruited other toons, to star in more movies and bang-a-rang, now I run my own bootleg movie studio, where I get to decide who's a star, and who gets thrown in the trash! And now, you two come poking around where you don't belong, asking questions about your missing friend. And I can't have that. So, how's this for a break? I'm thinking it's time for a Chip 'n Dale reboot. Jimmy...
- You, come with me.
- Yup, we're dead.
- Run!
(JIMMY GROWLS)
Go, go, go, go, go! (GRUNTS)
SWEET PETE: Just grab them already!
JIMMY: I'm trying! (GROWLS)
Come on! Ready? Jump!
(BOTH SCREAM, GRUNT)
Ah! (GRUNTS)
SWEET PETE: Hey! That's my personal bathroom.
Look for a way out of here!
- JIMMY: Hey!
- Uh... No.
- JIMMY: Come out here!
- No.
- Aha! There's only one way, Chip.
- No! That's disgusting.
BOB: Jimmy, I got them! (GRUNTS)
It's our only chance. Live a little!
Live a little?
You seem excited about this!
- Don't... No... Aw...
- Come on, Chip, the water's fine!
- Aw. Dang it!
- BOB: Come on! No!
O... okay.
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
- Happy birth...
- (SCREAMS)
(GRUNTS) No, no! I'm done.
You better pray
they don't make it out of there alive.
(BOTH SCREAM)
(GASPING)
- CHIP: Whoa! No! No!
- DALE: Whoa! Hold on!
DALE: Watch out!
- CHIP: Hate this! Hate this!
- DALE: Oh, God!
- (CELL PHONE RINGING)
- (BOTH PANT)
- I should probably get this!
- What?
- It could be my agent, Dave Bolinari!
- Oh, cool! Let me know what he says!
Hello! What? Oh, yeah, spaghetti's fine!
Love you too, Mom!
(LAUGHS) My agent is so weird.
DALE: Try to grab something!
(CHIP GRUNTS)
- Pull, pull, pull, pull, pull!
- No! No!
(BOTH SCREAM, GASP)
(BOTH SCREAM, GARGLE)
There! The paddle ball!
- Ready? Jump! (GRUNTS)
- (GRUNTS)
- Whoa!
- Whoa!
Hold on!
- Whoa!
- Whoa!
(SCREAMS, GROANS)
(SCREAMS, GRUNTS, GROANS)
(GROANS, PANTS)
Dale? Hello?
Dale? (BREATHES HEAVILY)
Oh, no. Dale?
Come on, don't, uh,
don't prank me like this.
(SCREAMS, SOBS)
- I should've...
- What's up?
Not now, Dale.
(SOBS) Dale! You're alive! But how?
The name's Munk. Dale Munk.
- (CHUCKLES)
- Ugh. Double- Dale, of course.
Chip, you were crying.
You really do love me!
- What? No! I... You were crying!
- Aw!
- Can we...
- Chippy, Chippy, I love you too!
Don't make it about you.
I was traumatized!
- Aw.
- Just leave it alone, okay?
Okay, fine. Well, that whole day
was a big waste!
We didn't learn anything of value except for that Sweet Pete wears the same step tracker that I do.
Wait, those step trackers, do they keep track of everywhere you go?
Yeah, I know because I like to map my runs in the shape of a butt.
- (CHUCKLES)
- I can't believe I'm saying this, but we need to go talk to Ellie.
And then, I'm going home!
DALE: Okay, but please just don't tell her about the butt thing.
- CHIP: I can't promise that.
- (DALE GROANS)
Do you think she'll think
it's funny, though?
Thanks!
So, if we could get a hold
of Sweet Pete's step tracker,
we could cross reference where he's been,
with where we know he goes!
Right! And whatever doesn't overlap
has got to be his secret facility!
Exactly! We get the step tracker,
and we can trace it to find Monty.
- Chip, you're a genius!
- So, what's the plan?
How are you guys gonna get
Sweet Pete's step tracker?
"You guys"? Hold on.
We got you the info you needed.
Now, it's up to you, the professional,
to actually, you know, get the bad guy,
- and save our friend Monty?
- It's not as simple as that.
We need warrants, we need probable cause,
and I don't know if you guys noticed,
but the captain doesn't really
value my opinion too much.
- What? He's crazy!
Ellie: No, I really screwed up. Last year, when Peppa Pig went missing, I fell for a bogus tip, and made the whole squad raid Nickelodeon Junior Studios. And the toons fought back. Paw Patrol attacked Sergeant Henderson. The doctors say he'll never have kids.
Huh, thank you for sharing that absolutely bonkers story.
(GASPS) I think I have exactly what we need! Don't move.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Behold! The crime lab!
(GARAGE DOOR OPENS)
What? (LAUGHS) This is crazy.
Pretty sweet, right? All the disguises
and gadgets we could ever need.
Wait, is this like every episode
of Rescue Rangers ever?
- Yes, it is.
- (SIGHS) You've got them all.
"Catteries Not Included."
"Throw Mummy from the Train,"
"Dirty Rotten Diapers."
Okay, so what's your favorite episode?
Ooh, I... I can't pick one.
That's too hard!
(CHUCKLES) Same. So good. (LAUGHS)
I'm honestly surprised
you kept all this stuff.
I didn't think you cared
about the show back then.
What? Of course I did.
No. Yeah, of course.
What's this huge map
with all the pins in it?
Oh, that? It's actually very cool.
Oh, no. Is this where
all the victims are buried?
(CHUCKLES) You're messing with me again!
It actually shows Rescue Rangers' ratings
in every US market in
which, as you may recall,
was our most successful year.
Hey, Ellie, didn't you say
you were from Albany?
Born and raised.
Well, according to this map
Rescue Rangers never aired in Albany.
Yeah! My grandma, she used to tape
all the episodes and send them to me.
- Hmm.
- Grandmas rule! (CHUCKLES)
Oh, come on, Chip!
Look at all this cool stuff!
Like this is the limited edition
Rescue Rangers pog set!
You know, this turned
into a real collectible,
because someone noticed
that one of the clouds
behind Monterey Jack
looked exactly like... Oprah.
Wow. So cool.
I know, right?
Unfortunately, I only have of the .
I'm missing the main one
of all of us together.
Ah, it's just old junk.
Okay, guys. Sweet Pete goes
to the Russian bathhouse every Wednesday.
So, how are we gonna
sneak you guys in there
without being recognized
by all those g*ons?
- Wait. What if we did episode ?
- Forty-five?
- That's a good idea.
- No idea what you're referring to.
And do you have any original ideas?
Or are you just
constantly recycling old scripts?
Oh, come on! Episode !
You dressed up like a rat to fool me.
You don't remember?
You said, "Rats what I'm talking about."
It was hilarious!
Oh... Nope, no clue.
Ellie, if we do this,
we could really use your help.
Um. I don't know.
I shouldn't even be here.
(IMITATES MONTEREY) Please!
I need you, Ellie! Help find me!
- Okay, but just this once.
- (IMITATES MONTEREY) Oh, thanks, love!
Throw another shrimp on the barbie!
- Stop.
- No, I know, that's why I stopped, yeah?
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
ELLIE: Okay, guys, remember,
you're plumbers here to fix a leaky pipe.
Roger that. This thing working?
ELLIE: It's working.
I'd say we have about an hour
before anyone notices
this van is missing, so shake a tail.
CHIP: I can't believe we're doing this.
Please, just don't do
your bad New York accent.
Chip, I hear you,
but it's an unreasonable ask.
(IMITATES NEW YORK ACCENT)
Yo! We're here to clean the pipes,
or did you forget about it?
(GROANS)
(BUZZER BUZZES)
(CHUCKLES) Go Yanks! And hot dogs,
bagels, and pizza!
Wow. I am honestly amazed
that that worked.
Me too! That accent actually got me fired
from Law and Order.
- Ellie, we're in.
- Good. Now, keep a low profile,
and go find Sweet Pete's locker.
BOB: Hey, you two!
This water fountain good?
- Uh...
- Uh...
Are the pipes clean to drink from?
- Oh, um...
- Hey! They're cleaner than Broadway, baby.
- I'm walking here.
- Good. Thank you.
(SIGHS)
Hmm?
ELLIE: Nice work. You need to stay up
on those pipes, out of sight.
Yup! On it.
Oh, yeah! That feels great, man.
- DALE: Gross!
- CHIP: Nope. Come on.
I get the kids on the weekends,
but it's not the same.
(LAUGHING)
CHIP: Whoa. It's him.
DALE: There it is.
- (GASPS)
- (GASPS)
Okay, not great.
Hey, I know you.
- Oh, no.
- We're cooked.
You're the Rescue Rangers.
- I am huge fan boy!
- Oh, cool.
(CHUCKLES) Don't you just
hate awkward silences?
Well, to be honest, it wasn't awkward
until you said that, Jimmy,
and now it is, so great job.
- JIMMY: I guess that's true.
- Guys, come on!
-Step right up and come on in
-You are recognizing?
-Here's where the fun begins
-Yes? Wait for it.
(CHUCKLES) No way! Is this a remix
of the Disney Afternoon theme song?
- You made this?
- You are knowing it, brother!
Now you do a rap on it? Yes?
Uh-oh, I don't know!
Give me one second with Dale here, bro.
- First off, stop encouraging this guy.
- Totally.
- Second, we are not rapping.
- Right.
There is nothing more pathetic
than an old cartoon character
- trying to seem cool again by rapping!
- Chip, I hear you,
but I don't think
we have much of a choice!
Oh, there's a choice.
When it comes to rapping,
there's always a choice.
Actually, can you just hold
that thought for one second?
- Here I go!
- Oh, geez!
My name is Dale...
Uh...
I'm about to kick it
- Oh, no.
- And I'm in hell.
Oh, wow, hold on. I need to film this!
I'll distract him.
You get that step tracker.
- It won't work. It's too risky.
- Well, the biggest risk
is not taking any risk at all. Uh!
My name is Dale, I don't eat whale
Why would you say, that I eat whale
I don't eat whale
(CHUCKLES) Once you rhyme Dale with whale,
you can't think of anything else.
- Just devour him! Make it stop!
- Not me, no, I would just eat the tail
Hmm.
I would never in a million years
Eat whale
First of all, they're endangered
(SNIFFS)
-So, you gotta take care of the whale
-Macadamias. And where there's nuts,
- there's oil.
- Don't want PETA on your tail
But if I did eat whale
It wouldn't be stale
- Aha.
- DALE: Oh, man, I'm k*lling this!
- And what are you doing?
- Oh, I was a just, uh...
Aye, yo, Chip! Take the mic!
Uh...
For Monty.
Well, my name is Chip, I'm not a whale
And now I'm doing it, great.
A zubi-zong, zubi, zubi, zubi, dong, dong
- Yo ink.
- Zubi, dong, dong, dong
-'Cause he's Chip
-He's Dale
And we'll never fail!
'Cause neither of us
Will ever eat whale
-No, never
-Ever
-Never
-Ever
-Never eat whale
-Eat whale
Okay, what? How did you know
what I was gonna say?
How did you know
what I was gonna say? It was like,
- professional.
- Professional.
- (GASPS) Same time!
- (GASPS) Same time!
- (GASPS) Jinx!
- (GASPS) Jinx!
- You owe me a non-brand specific cola!
- You owe me a non-brand specific cola!
- What? That was crazy!
- What? That was crazy!
- (GASPS) Somebody call Guinness book!
- (GASPS) Somebody call Guinness book!
- This is incredible!
- This is blowing my mind!
- We lost it.
- (GROANS)
Boom, boom. It's DJ Herzogenaurach
with the Disney Afternoon remix!
Hey, this was really fun,
but we actually got to get going!
Ooh, they were very bad at rapping.
Oh, hey, Bob! You are never going
to believe who I just met.
Oh, man, Ellie, you should have seen us!
- That was incredible!
- CHIP: Right?
We were just like real detectives!
And that match trick
you did with the oil? Genius!
Yeah, but your bad rapping
was the perfect distraction. So good!
Thanks. I totally thought we were busted.
But then you just fully went for it!
- And then I rapped. What a rush!
- (LAUGHS) You were crazy!
Okay, we are all set here.
Just plug that step tracker
- into the computer.
- On it!
(COMPUTER BEEPING)
Oh, San Pedro docks! Yes, we got him!
I can't believe it.
We might actually get Monty back.
- We're gonna be heroes.
- I gotta thank you for making me do this.
- I mean, this feels... I feel... good.
- Me too! We were always better together.
MALE VOICE: Location confirmed.
We're sending SWAT now by chopper.
- Meet us there.
- Yes, sir.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
Here, Captain.
I ought to suspend you
for going behind my back, Steckler.
And I hope we don't get att*cked
by the Rugrats this time.
- (LAUGHS)
- (LAUGHS)
Ready the battering rams!
- (RAMS BLEAT)
- Let's go! Move! Move! Move!
- OFFICER : Clear!
- OFFICER : Clear!
OFFICER : Clear!
- Where do you think he is?
- I have no idea.
ELLIE: Sir!
I think I found something.
Careful. Don't touch anything.
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
Flounder?
Sneezy?
They're all here.
Whoa. Garfield's little body
can't take muscles like that.
We found 'em.
This looks like the machine
I had my CG work done on.
Except, way more violent-looking.
It's still warm.
Must have just missed him.
Yeah, this place is creepy.
DALE: I'm gonna see
if I can't find a light switch.
Wait. No, no, no, no,
don't, don't, don't, don't, don't!
- See? Nothing to worry about!
- Heh. I guess you're right.
(BEEPS)
- Uh. That's not good.
- (ALARM BLARING)
- Dude! What did you do?
- I didn't mean to,
I just... I put my leg back, my toe...
- ELLIE: Chip!
- CHIP: Why is it on the floor?
Dale!
- CHIP: (GRUNTS) Ah, no! Watch out!
- ELLIE: Get out of there!
DALE: No, no, no, no, no! (GRUNTS)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
(COMPUTER BEEPING)
Help! Get us out of here!
ELLIE: The machine is gonna try
and surgically re-edit you,
so, try to avoid that.
Goodbye, Ellie! Always remember me!
If we don't make it out of here alive,
let Millie live with you,
and sleep on your bed,
and eat your food,
and don't be afraid
to really scratch that butt!
(MACHINE WHIRRING)
(SHRIEKS) Are we about
to get waffle fried?
No, I think it's...
Scanning them,
and rendering what they'll look like
in different animation styles.
(COMPUTER BEEPING)
Okay. (CHUCKLES) That was nothing.
You know, this might be easier than...
- (SCREAMS)
- CHIP: Dale!
- (SCREAMS) Hey! Hey!
- Hold on! (GRUNTS)
(BOTH GRUNT)
- Pull harder!
- Why... won't... you... stretch?
This body is meant
to be looked at, not touched!
- What are you doing? (GRUNTS)
- (GRUNTS)
(GRUNTS, STRAINS, YELLS)
Whoa! (GRUNTS)
- Thank you.
- Come on!
(YELLS)
DALE: Whoa.
- It's like episode !
- "Mission Chipossible!"
- You're right.
- Wait, you remember?
I guess a couple things
are coming back to me.
Then let's do it.
How different could it be?
- Very different! It can be very different.
- Ready?
Jump! Duck!
Pancake. Launch me!
(GRUNTING)
- Heads-up!
- Got you! (GRUNTS)
- Slide!
- (GRUNTS)
(BOTH PANT)
- You okay? Are you in one piece?
- (PANTS) Yeah, I think so. But you're not.
Huh?
(BOTH SCREAM)
I'm sure they're fine. (CHUCKLES)
- You got a Snoopy ear!
- Get it off! Get it off!
(STRAINS, GRUNTS)
The door! Let's get out of here!
(BOTH SCREAM, GRUNT)
(COMPUTER BEEPS)
(MACHINE POWERS DOWN)
- (GROANS, PANTS)
- What the...
You guys okay?
Look at all these parts.
Oh, no.
- Monty's mustache.
- (GASPS) No!
He's been bootlegged!
(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)
Hey, Steckler.
Nice work, today.
I didn't think you had it in you.
Thank you, sir.
(REPORTERS CLAMORING)
FEMALE REPORTER: Over here.
One question! Over here!
D In Your Face News.
With this factory shut down,
how does it feel
to have made the city safer for toons?
All right, come on.
Leave them alone. No questions.
Come on, guys, let's get out of here.
MALE REPORTER:
Hey, Chip, why the Snoopy ear?
Captain Putty! Captain Putty!
Black and White News.
Why is there a wad
of chewing gum on your back?
Oh, come on! Gross.
Now, that's just gonna be
a part of me forever.
SWEET PETE: Well, this is a mess.
BOB: We should probably skip down
for a while, huh, boss?
We're not going anywhere without
those chipmunks.
- I still want my reboot.
- Should we try to follow them?
Nah, let 'em go. I have
my own special way of tracking people.
(KEYPAD TAPPING)
(CELL PHONE CHIMES)
- Are we sure that every room was checked?
- Yeah. Positive.
You said bootlegging takes hours.
We made it before then.
- I know. It usually does.
- And that coffee was still warm.
It's like they knew we were coming.
Look, I know you guys are sad
about Monty,
but you should still feel really good
about what you did back there.
- You guys are heroes.
- We are not heroes. Monty's gone.
I was so excited
to see his big, dopey face.
- (TELEPHONE RINGING)
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(SIGHS) I'm telling you,
we're missing something.
I can feel it, Dale.
Hey, just wanna remind you guys,
I'll be at Fan Con this afternoon,
signing autographs.
So, get those nuts ready! (CHUCKLES)
- Yeah...
- What is wrong with you?
What? It's my job.
It's a choice. (SCOFFS)
I'm getting some coffee.
Wh... Come on! I have
to stay connected to the fans!
There are no fans.
It's for you. It's always for you,
to feed your selfish ego. (SCOFFS)
I thought you had changed,
but you haven't changed
since Double- Dale!
Wait, so you are still mad
about Double- Dale?
I thought everything was artichokie.
You left, Dale. You left me high and dry.
After everything we'd been through,
everything I did for you!
- So, we're not artichokie?
- No artichokie!
Nothing's ever been artichokie.
Okay? I'm alone. I sell insurance.
My only friend is a dog!
Okay, but then
why did you say it was artichokie?
I mean, when someone tells me
something's artichokie,
I believe it's artichokie.
(GRUNTS) Stop saying artichokie!
What is it, man?
Oh, uh, if you could just scooch a bit,
from the coffee?
Yes, yes, of course. Sorry.
(GROANS) See? This is why
I didn't wanna see you anymore.
Sure, my life is lonely,
but at least I didn't feel like this!
Oh, yeah? Well, you're the same too!
Chip's always in charge!
Chip's always right!
It's Chip's way or the highway!
You know what? Here.
I've been holding on to this
for some stupid reason.
Now, your collection is complete.
DALE: (SIGHS) What?
You kept this?
(SIGHS)
You know the crazy thing is,
way back then...
I didn't even wanna do Double- Dale.
- What?
- It's gonna sound stupid, but...
(SIGHS) ...I think I just wanted you
to tell me you needed me.
That I wasn't just some pathetic chipmunk
you found eating alone at school.
You know, I wanted this pog
for some silly reason, but now I don't.
- Here, now your collection's complete.
- What? Don't give me that!
That's the exact same thing
I just said to you.
What? No, it's not.
I said, "silly reason."
- You said, "stupid reason."
- Well, I don't want it.
- Neither do I!
- Good!
- I'm putting it on the ground.
- Great!
- Yeah.
- Cool.
- I know.
- Neat!
It is neat. Thanks.
(SNIFFS) Do you smell that?
I'm definitely not falling
for one of your dumb fart jokes right now.
- No! No, no! Smell! (SNIFFS)
- (SNIFFS)
This whole place, it smells like...
- almond butter and gasoline.
- Almond butter and gasoline.
But that's the Rescue Rangers cologne.
(BOTH SNIFF)
(SNIFFS) This way.
(SNIFFS) It's coming from in here.
DALE: Why would Putty's office
smell like that?
(GASPS) Dale, we need to leave, now.
What's going on? Why are we running away?
I'm not sure, but you
and your big red nose
are onto something.
Monty was literally the only person
- to ever use that disgusting cologne.
- Actually, I heard it's still used
in the Latvia to strip paint,
but of course,
we never see a dime of that.
That's not the point.
Putty's office stunk of it,
which means someone had
direct contact with Monty.
- Oh, I knew Putty was dirty!
- Oh, you're just saying that
'cause it's always the police captain
in our episodes.
Putty's too obvious! Think, Dale!
- Ellie?
- Something has been off about her
the whole time!
Claiming to be a huge fan
just to butter us up.
She couldn't even name
her favorite episode.
- 'Cause she loves them all.
- No! 'Cause she's never seen any episodes!
"Her grandmother
taped the show for her." Get real!
Grandparents are terrible at electronics.
That's their whole thing!
- (CELLPHONE BUZZING)
- Aha! Speak of the devil!
Are you crazy? Don't pick that up!
We don't know who we can trust.
We need outside help,
like the governor, the CIA, the FBI.
(GASPS) I know someone who might be able to help.
Ugly Sonic: You got a Snoopy ear! (LAUGHS)
Yes, Ugly Sonic, his ear is hilarious, but do you have a contact at the FBI?
Because we have some highly dangerous and classified information for them.
Ugly Sonic: Yeah, of course. I know tons of people at the FBI. I'm making a  TV show with them.
- Look, we really need your help, but we don't have a lot of time.
Ugly Sonic: Oh, you want me to go fast? (CHUCKLES) That's Sonic's thing. Ugly Sonic goes slow, baby. (LAUGHS)
- So, you're not gonna help us?
Ugly Sonic: No, I'm not.
Ugh! You don't have a show with the FBI.
I knew it! I knew it!
UGLY SONIC: I wasn't finished.
Chip: Dale, we need to go.
UGLY SONIC: I'll run it by my producer later when I see him at the Chateau.
- DALE: (GASPS) Oh, no.
- Quick, we'll lose them in the crowd.
UGLY SONIC: One day, you'll see, Dale. You'll turn on your television and all will be revealed.
- No, it won't.
UGLY SONIC: Yes, it will!
(GRUNTS) Move!
(GRUNTS) Out of the way! Move it, nerds!
You know, originally, it was called Aunt Man, A-U-N-T, and my superpower was being really charming to aunts.
(LAUGHS) That's great, isn't it?
- Yeah, they changed it... (SHOUTS)
- Whoa! Coming through.
Love your work!
- Whoa!
- Watch out!
- Okay. Nice horsey, nice horsey.
- (LAUGHING) Whoa!
- Step aside. Move.
- (MAN GRUNTING)
(PANTS)
- There they are.
- Well, go get them.
(PANTING)
- (GRUNTS)
- (WOMAN SCREAMS)
(PANTS)
- Gotcha!
- Oh, what?
- Peter, is that really you? You got old.
- Yeah, death is coming for us all, kid.
(PANTS)
- How do they know we're here?
- I'm guessing your social media post
at the police station.
Ah! Oops. (CHUCKLES)
- Yeah, that's my bad.
- Hey, there's something down there.
There's nothing down there, you boob.
You walk around with no pants long enough,
and you start to notice every breeze.
- (SKELETOR LAUGHING)
- Gotcha! Huh?
We need a disguise or something.
In here. Grab the first thing you can.
Uh... What?
(INDIANA JONES THEME SONG PLAYING)
It's the Rescue Rangers!
- Oh, my gosh! I am your biggest fan!
- Oh, my God.
(FANS CHATTER EXCITEDLY)
(GRUNTS) Cook-a-rook-a-roo!
(GRUNTS) Think happy little thoughts.
(COUGHS)
(GROANS) Definitely pulled something.
You keep going, I'll catch up. (COUGHS)
Hey, give me that!
Ugh! It's diet!
- CHIP: Up here. Hey! (PANTING)
- (JIMMY GROWLS)
(GRUNTS)
By the axe of Ucarga, you will submit to me! (GRUNTS)
(GRUNTS)
(DRAMATIC UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
What are you doing? I got you! (YELLS)
- (YELLS)
- (BOB GRUNTS)
(GROANS) What are you looking at?
Live Action Pumbaa: Honestly, your weird dead eyes. (LAUGHS)
B.O.B.: They are weird. (LAUGHS)
Master Mantis: Super weird. (ALL LAUGH)
Live Action Pumbaa: So funny.
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
Well, I'll be.
Chip and Dale together again
Never thought I'd see the day.
Get back here!
Wow.
- Yo, man, it's you!
- Baloo. Nice to meet you.
(SCREAMS) No way! Can I touch your face?
I mean, what is going on?
- DALE: Quick, the elevator. (PANTING)
- (GRUNTS)
- (BOB SCREAMS)
- Oh, no!
I command thee to halt! (YELLS)
- You want a piece of me? Be my guest.
- (ACCORDION MUSIC PLAYING)
(GROANS) Berserker!
Ah, ah, ah!
Hello, ?
I have a rather unruly visitor here.
- (PANTS)
- (PANTS) There's the exit.
- (BOTH PANT)
- (GROWLS)
Go, Dale. Go! (PANTS)
Come on, Chip!
(GROWLS)
(PANTS) Quick! Hide up here!
- (PANTS)
- (GROWLS, PANTS)
(GROWLS)
(PANTS) Chip?
- Chip, where are you?
- (INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
- Where are you, buddy? (GASPS, WHIMPERS)
- (SIRENS BLARING)
No. No, no, no, no, no, no!
Hey, Steckler. I just got a tip.
I think your little chipmunk friends
- are in trouble.
- I know, sir.
- I'm heading to the Convention Center now.
- No, it's worse than that. Come on.
We gotta move fast before it's too late.
You're gonna arrest me
while Jack Skellington's been embezzling
from his own charity for years?
Everyone knows it!
- (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
- (CHIP GROANS)
- (JIMMY LAUGHING)
- Where's Dale?
SWEET PETE: He'll be here.
Keep your pants on.
- I don't wear pants.
- Yeah, I noticed.
It's not something to brag about. (LAUGHS)
What do you want?
I want you to stop messing
with my business.
You exposed everything,
now I have to move all this stuff,
and start over. It's super annoying.
You should have just let me bootleg you
when you came to my office.
Could have saved us both
a ton of headaches.
Ah!
Besides, I was always more
of an Alvin and the Chipmunks person.
You monster.
- (LAUGHS)
- ELLIE: Freeze, Sweet Pete.
Nah. How about you freeze?
(gun CLICKING)
Drop it, Steckler.
- What? Captain Putty?
- Dale was right.
- (GROANS) How cliché.
- I know. It is a bit unoriginal, right?
Sweet Pete, remember
when you first approached me
to turn bad, be a bad guy, work with you,
and I was like,
"Come on! That's too predictable."
Yeah. And what did I say?
- "If it ain't broke..."
- "If it ain't broke..."
(BOTH LAUGH)
- How could you?
- I know, I know. It's terrible.
I am so ashamed. But I had no choice.
My mother needed an operation.
See, she got injured
playing a game of Operation.
She got too close to the sides
and, uh... (SNIFFING)
...she got buzzed really bad. (SOBS)
(LAUGHS) Oh, I'm sorry.
I couldn't do it any longer.
Money! I'm a greedy little Smurf
- who did it for the money.
- Hilarious.
Yeah, but I had you going there for a second, didn't I?
"Hello, I think I just saw Peppa Pig heading into Nickelodeon Jr." (LAUGHS)
Ellie: It was you? You gave the fake tip. You derailed the whole investigation and... and worst of all, you made me doubt myself.
Putty: Oh, come on. Don't be so fragile.
Oh, wow, wow, oh, wow!
Keep it together, Dale. Come on.
- (GASPS) It's Ellie.
- (CELL PHONE BUZZING)
Wait, no, Ellie could be bad.
But she also could be good.
Oh, my brain hurts. I wish Chip was here.
He'd know what to do.
Uh...
- Hello?
- ELLIE: Hey. You okay?
Uh, yeah, totally fine. Why do you ask?
You don't have to worry, Dale.
I know how to get Chip back.
I'm down at the bootlegging facility.
Meet me here.
And come alone.
Well, that sounds super shady
and not safe at all.
I know. But you have to trust me.
And, Dale, "When You Fish Upon A Star,"
that's my favorite episode.
Oh. (CHUCKLES) Kind of a deep cut.
Why is that your favorite?
- (DIAL TONE BEEPING)
- Hello? Huh.
I mean, "When You Fish Upon A Star"
is a good episode,
but I wouldn't call it great.
Why did you tell Dale to come?
You should have protected him.
I gave him a secret message. A code.
Dale forgets his own phone number.
How is he gonna break a code?
Listen up, you rejects
from a science lab.
- (DALE LAUGHING)
- I didn't think of this extraordinarily
brilliant plan, only to have
- you idiots wreck the wrong ship.
- Still holds up. It's a great show.
- FAT CAT: A ship full of worthless junk!
- Ah, no! Focus, Dale. Come on.
- Ellie is sending a message, but what?
- GADGET: ...you know?
Your little friends would never dream
of leaving you hanging here.
- Would they?
- All right. Think, Dale, think.
Gadget is stuck in a lantern.
Lanterns provide light by using fire.
Fire is really cool,
but also really dangerous. (GASPS)
Someone is in a dangerous situation.
Oh, like that time I dropped
a bowling ball on my toe.
(GASPS) Ellie has ten toes
and she probably likes Thai food.
Ellie is tied up and in danger,
and Chip is with her.
It was Putty working
with Sweet Pete the whole time.
- I cracked it. I'm coming, guys.
- (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(GRUNTING)
(CAR ENGINE RATTLING)
(GROANS)
Come on.
Start, start, start, start!
No. No, no, no.
(SIGHS)
Huh.
(DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING)
GADGET: Honey, someone's doing
a cool pose in the driveway.
- (DOOR OPENING)
- (INDISTINCT CHITTER)
(CLEARS THROAT)
Excuse me. Dale, old chum.
The sight of you lights my heart aglow.
Rangers, I need your help.
We love you, bud, but we just can't invest
in any more of your independent movies.
What... No, I'm not here for that.
I'm here for something very important.
Although that script was pretty good.
Did you even read it?
(JIMMY GROWLS)
SWEET PETE: Chip, I wanna do something extra special for you. How would you feel about playing your old character, but with feet for ears, and a dog snout where your tail should be?
Okay, honest feedback, that sounds terrible.
You're gonna like the way you look.
- I guarantee it.
- You'll never get away with this.
The Men's Wearhouse reference?
Yeah, I think I will.
Okay, let's make some changes.
Cook-a-rook-a-roo!
- (HEROIC MUSIC PLAYING)
- DALE: Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whee!
This is awesome!
I'm amazed this thing actually flies.
And you know how to fly it.
Yeah. I guess my character
from the old show,
and my character in real life
are basically exactly the same.
(LAUGHS) Yeah, I guess so.
Zipper, how are the kids?
Splendid. I mean, sure,
being a stay-at-home dad
has its challenges,
but it's the most rewarding job
- I could ever ask for and it just...
- (CELL PHONE BUZZING)
Whoa! It's actually my agent.
Sorry, can you hold on for a second?
Wow! Dave Bolinari.
Haven't heard from you in a while.
Did you not get my last seven years
of messages? (CHUCKLES)
(CHUCKLES) Oh, Daley, brother, so sorry.
Look, I got a new assistant,
and then we were off for the holidays.
Anyways, I'm watching the news.
You're the talk of the town.
We've got heat. We've got offers.
I'm thinking book deal.
I'm thinking reboot.
Hey, actually, can I call you back?
I can't talk now.
What? But, Dale, you gotta get
your priorities straight, dawg.
You know what?
I think for the first time in my life,
I am getting my priorities straight.
Friends are more important
than business. (EXCLAIMS)
- DAVE: Dale, brother.
- Good for you, Dale.
Probably shouldn't have
thrown your phone, though.
Nope. Immediately regretted it.
- (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
- Well, it was a good run.
- No, it wasn't. Who am I kidding?
- Okay, let's see.
Dog snout right on the butt. (LAUGHS)
It's hilarious. Chip doesn't know
what he's talking about.
(MACHINE WHIRRING)
Stop him, Captain!
You're better than this.
No, I'm not.
Ah, there it is.
The foreboding fortress on the horizon.
- Oh, I love it when you talk fancy, honey.
- Thank you, my love.
- Aw.
- Looks like the only way in
- is through that exhaust pipe.
- Okay, good. Try to line me up with it.
- Are you sure you wanna do this, Dale?
- As sure as I've ever been.
But you're, like, known
for constantly making terrible decisions.
- I know, right?
- Rescue Rangers, away.
(SCREAMS)
- (SHRIEKING)
- (BUZZES)
Huh. At least that's gone.
(SCREAMS, LAUGHS) Whoo! Hold on, Chippy!
(GASPS) Uh-oh. (SCREAMS)
(SCREAMING)
(GRUNTS)
- (SWEET PETE CHUCKLES)
- (WHIMPERS)
(DALE GRUNTS)
- (WHIMPERS, GASPS)
- (MACHINE POWERS DOWN)
(SIGHS)
- No! No, no, no, no. Come on!
- Hey, hey. Fix that.
- You should fix it.
- Oh, yeah. Thanks for the input, genius.
- Ellie.
- Dale.
Hey, are you okay? Where's Chip?
- He's still in the machine.
- (COUGHS) Over here.
- Chip, you're okay.
- Yeah.
You came for us.
I never doubted you, buddy.
(INHALES, BLOWS)
- See? He understood the clue.
- Of course, it was obvious.
In "When You Fish Upon a Star,"
Gadget was double-crossed. Just like us.
Right. Totally.
You had a completely
different take, didn't you?
- Yes, mine involved Thai food.
- Stop! Or I'll erase him right here.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay.
- Wait.
- Let's talk about this.
- Listen, I get how you feel.
Things didn't work out
the way you wanted, right?
You had big hopes and dreams and,
well... (SIGHING)
...then the world
just sort of breaks your heart.
And it feels like the only emotions
you have left are anger and loneliness.
But you're not alone. None of us are.
Sweet Pete: Wow. It's true. You two really are the worst actors in Hollywood. (LAUGHS)
Hey! What the... No!
What the...
(YELLS)
What is going on with this thing?
- (GRUNTS)
- (SCREAMS, GROANS)
- (GROANS)
- (GRUNTS)
No, no, no. No!
(FIREWORK WHISTLING)
(WALT DISNEY THEME SONG PLAYING)
- (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
- (ELLIE COUGHING, GROANING)
- (PANTS)
- (PANTS)
(COUGHS) That was not cool.
- Hey, are you okay?
- (COUGHS) I think so.
- Dale, are you hurt?
- No, I'm good.
- (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
- (GROANS)
Huh? (SCREAMS)
- (CHUCKLES)
- (MACHINE WHIRRING)
Uh-oh. (GRUNTS) Hey!
(GRUNTS, GROANS)
- Oh.
- (LASERS ZAPPING)
(DALE LAUGHS)
Oh.
Ugh! And it smells too.
(GROANS) Stupid glass. Okay, I'm out.
- Putty, he's getting away.
- I'm on it.
(RUMBLING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
FRANKENPETE: Meow.
- Huh?
FRANKENPETE: I'm gonna wreck stuff. (YELLS)
- (SCREAMS)
- (SCREAMS) Run!
(BOTH PANTING)
- Hey, up here.
FRANKENPETE: (LAUGHS MANIACALLY) You fools!
(BOTH GRUNT)
- CHIP: Whoa!
- DALE: Whoa!
(BOTH PANTING)
- (GROANS)
- (CALM INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
- Uh...
- (CHUCKLES)
- Where are we?
Bootleg Pooh: Boh Barba.
Pooj, The Fat Honey Bear? Ugh.
- (SWEET PETE GRUNTS)
- (ALL SCREAM)
Keep going!
Frankenpete: (in '87 Shredder's voice) Two words. Chipmunk soup.
(PANTS)
I guess they were making the bootleg movies here the whole time.
- What the...
- DALE: Not overseas.
Bootleg Homer: Boy! Dorf!
- (GRUNTS)
Bootleg Bart: Ay, pechanga!
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
ELLIE: Captain?
It's all over. Just give yourself up.
- Hello? (SHOUTS)
- (YELLS, GRUNTS)
Whoa! (GRUNTS, CHUCKLES)
Whoa! (GRUNTS)
- (ELLIE GRUNTS)
- Oopsie daisy. Yo ink, yo ink.
- (SCREAMS)
- (GRUNTS)
(CHUCKLES)
- (VOCALIZES)
- (CYMBALS CRASHING)
(LAUGHS) Heads-up.
- (GRUNTS)
- (GROANS)
Oh, that actually made me dizzy.
- (ELLIE GRUNTING)
- (YELLS)
- DALE: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Watch out.
- (CHIP PANTING)
Pete: Hey, get outta the way, you little yahoos! Move it! You're messing things up here. (SCREAMS)
Frankenpete: Coming through!
CHIP: Grab on.
Whoa!
(BOTH YELL, GRUNT)
(ROARS)
(TENSE MUSIC CONTINUES)
Yoo-hoo!
- (ELLIE GRUNTS)
- (GRUNTS) So close.
- (GRUNTS) Okay.
- (GRUNTS)
(HUMMING) You know, I'm... (YELLS)
Ah, it's stuck to my face like Silly Putty. Remember that stuff?
- Let's finish this.
- (SCREAMS)
(BOTH GRUNT)
Boing! (GRUNTS)
(BOTH GRUNT, GROAN)
- (YELLS)
- (ELLIE GRUNTING)
- (GRUNTS)
- (GASPING)
Putty: (SIGHS) Poor, sweet, little Ellie. You never should've been a cop in the first place. Any last words? What? I can't hear you. No? Okay. Bye, bye, you're dead.
(YELLS)
(YELLING BECOMES DISTORTED)
(PANTS)
Ellie: Hey, Putty. Don't be so fragile.
(SWEET PETE GRUNTS, LAUGHS)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
- CHIP: No!
- DALE: There's nowhere to go.
We're trapped.
Frankenpete: I'm gonna find you!
- (BOTH PANT)
(as his voice distorts) Come out, come out, wherever you are.
(LAUGHS)
(GROANS) This is bad. Come on.
Use that big old brain of yours,
Chip, think.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC CONTINUES)
CHIP: That's it.
- Episode .
- Episode .
- Here. It worked on Fat Cat. Hit me.
- No. This time you hit me.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah. Come on.
- Get right under it. Now, do it.
- Okay, here I go. (GRUNTS)
Ow! (GROANS)
I can't believe we used
to do this to you every week.
Come on, where are they?
(CELL PHONE BUZZING)
Oh, come on, Harold.
It's the middle of the night.
- Just ignore it.
- We've been through this, Eileen.
It's my job. Do not ruffle me right now.
- It didn't work. You gotta hit me again.
- All right.
- (GRUNTS)
- Ow! (GROANS)
(GRUNTS) There you are.
Enough playing around.
My turn. Here, give it a good whack.
- (GRUNTS)
- (GROANING) Oh!
Okay. Things are getting weird.
(LAUGHS)
This isn't good.
- (BIRDS CHIRPING)
Frankenpete: Huh? (SLURPS; in Fat Cat's voice) Birds. Come here!
- (BOTH YELL)
- Go! Go! Go!
(GRUNTS) What the...
- DALE: Almost there.
- (BOTH PANT, GRUNT)
- (expl*si*n ECHOING)
- (BOTH GASP)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
Frankenpete: Goodbye, Chip 'n Dale.
- (THUDS)
- Huh?
UGLY SONIC: (ON MEGAPHONE) This is the FBI. We've got you surrounded.
- Yeah. Ugly Sonic!
(SCREAMING) Take that!
- Go, go, go, go. Come on, Dale. Hit it.
- Got it!
Huh? (SCREAMS)
(GULPS)
- Yeah! (LAUGHS)
- Yes!
(LAUGHS) See! I told you I had a show, Dale. (COUGHS) Ow! Stupid teeth, I think I just bit my tongue.
Whoo! We're the smartest chipmunks
on the planet.
(CHIP AND DALE LAUGH)
(SIRENS BLARING)
- (CHEERS)
- (LAUGHS)
- You thought you could beat us?
- Ha!
DALE: Don't you know who we are?
-Ch... Ch... Ch... Chip 'n Dale
-Ch... Ch... Ch... Chip 'n Dale
-Rescue Rangers
-Rescue Rangers
-Chi... Chi... Ch... Chip and Dale
-Chi... Chi... Ch... Chip and Dale
-When there's danger
-When there's danger
-No, no, it never fails
-It never fails
-Once they're involved
-Once they're involved
-Somehow whatever's wrong gets solved
-(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
CHIP: (SINGING DISTORTEDLY)
Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers
(DISTORTED VOICE) No!
(DISTORTED GROAN)
- FBI AGENT: Down! Get down on the ground!
- All right, all right, Calm down.
Dale?
D... Dale, come on. Don't mess with me.
Come on. Not this time, man. (SCOFFS)
I know you're just pranking me.
I'm not falling for this twice. Come on.
Dale?
(SNIFFLES)
You... you know, the morning I met you,
when we were just kids at the cafeteria...
I never told you this, but I begged my mom
to let me stay home from school
because I didn't have any friends.
CHIP'S MOM: You're a great kid, Chip.
Remember, the biggest risk
is not taking any risk at all.
You'll find a friend. I promise.
CHIP: I was so scared and alone.
And I was lost.
Just like you, Dale.
And I needed you more than you needed me.
Hey. Mind if I sit?
All these years, I... I let you feel
like you were second banana
because I wanted
to feel like first banana.
I was nothing without you.
So that night when...
In the trailer when... when you told me
about Double- Dale,
I... I just should have told you that.
(SNIFFLES)
I shouldn't have treated you that way.
I'm sorry, Dale. (SOBS)
- Really?
- Dale! (CHUCKLES)
- But how'd you...
- This thing's too special to throw away.
- Ow! That pog smashed my nose.
- That worked out well.
- You saved my life.
- Eh.
You'd do the same for me.
(SNIFFS) Wait. Hold on a second.
If they were filming
the bootleg movies here,
you don't think...
- Monty!
- Monty!
(BOTH SNIFFING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
- Whoa. Okay, okay. Slow down.
- Do you see him?
(GROANS)
CHIP: Monty?
I don't see him.
Monty?
(COUGHING IN DISTANCE)
- Mates!
- CHIP: Oh, Monty!
- We thought we lost you.
- Oh, thank goodness.
- You never gave up on me.
- Of course not.
- We'd never give up on friends.
- Oh, what did they do to you?
Ah, Chipper. They Dumbo'd me.
Don't worry. I've got a guy
that'll fix those ears, no problem.
Oh, thank you, Dale.
- No way. Is that...
- Wow, those ears are huge.
Gadget, Zipper. I must be dreaming.
(ALL LAUGH)
Can you believe it?
All the Rescue Rangers together.
It has been a long time.
It's really good to see you guys.
- It is wonderful to see you all.
- Wow, look at what you guys did.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- (MUFFLED YELLING)
- You're under arrest, you low-rent Gumby. He's all yours, boys.
Nice work on this case.
The FBI could use someone like you.
Thanks. But I think I'd like to start
my own detective agency.
- Hey, Ellie, get over here.
- (GASPS)
Gang. I'd like you to meet our dear friend, Ellie.
None of this would have been
possible without her.
- As it turns out, she's a...
- Fan. I am a huge fan.
Well, nice to meet you.
- Hello.
- Greetings.
You know, Dale, I'm sorry it took all this
to get us back together.
Oh, Chip. Come here.
(GRUNTS)
Crikey. I'd cry if they didn't erase
me tear ducts.
To err is human, to forgive, divine.
Sometimes, I can't tell
what you guys like more.
- Eating nuts or driving us nuts.
- (ALL LAUGH)
I've always wanted to do
one of these laughs with you guys.
- How long does it last?
- The worse the joke, the longer the laugh.
- (ALL CONTINUE LAUGHING)
- (TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING)
DALE: So, Chip. Does this mean
we are officially friends again?
CHIP: Heh. Sure. I guess some things
are worth rebooting.
DALE: (CHUCKLES) You said it.
You wanna do a Rescue Rangers reboot.
CHIP: No, I didn't.
That is not what I meant.
I mean, maybe.
I'd have to see the script first.
DALE: Oh, yes. That's a yes.
Hey, do you think we can get, like, a pop star to do the theme song?
- CHIP: Yeah, right.
Like a super serious version, even though everyone just wants to hear the original.
DALE: Yes! That exactly.
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, the Rescue Rangers!
DARKWING DUCK: Boo! Hiss! We want Darkwing! We want Darkwing! Say it with me! We want Dark wing! What a load of malarkey.
Category:Disney Transcripts
Category:Transcripts