The Power

(Episode starts with Rigby standing on a draw whilst the TV is on)
Rigby: Alright, Beef Burrito. I'm gonna give you one more chance to take back what you said about my mom! (A Beef Burrito doll lies silently on the floor) I'll kill you!
(He pats his elbow and jumps onto a trampoline, body-slamming the doll. He then elbows the doll multiple times, and body slams it once more. He picks up the doll and moves its arm, making it punch himself in the face. Behind him, Mordecai is calling to him)
Mordecai: Tag up! Tag up!
(Pretending to be weakened, Rigby walks over to Mordecai and high-fives him. As Rigby drinks a soda, Mordecai pulls the Beef Burrito doll away. Rigby slams the soda can onto the ground and lets out a ferocious cry. Mordecai sets the doll up next to a bed before walking away onto the shelves.)
Rigby: What? (silence) Oh, you want us to put the hurt on you? (Mordecai grabs Rigby) I think he wants me to put the hurt on him.
Mordecai: I think he wants you to put the hurt on him.
Rigby: You think he wants me to put the hurt on him?
Mordecai: Yes, I do!
(Mordecai & Rigby scream. Mordecai throws Rigby down onto the trampoline, launching him into the wall. The impact leaves a large hole in the wall and Rigby ends up in a trash can.)
Rigby: Uhhh..... (Stands up) Uuuuhhhhyyyy.... (Removes trash can) Yea-uh!! Did you see how awesome it was when I hit the trampoline?
Mordecai: Hahahaha! Yeah, I did. But it wasn't as awesome as when you punched that hole in the wall.
(They begin laughing, but suddenly stop as the realization hits them, which causes them to scream in horror. Rigby quickly opens the door and checks to see if anyone is in the hallway, then shuts the door.)
Mordecai: I can't believe I listened to you! I knew I should've gone out to do some work, but no, "Let's wrestle this stupid doll, it'll be fun!".
Rigby: But it WAS fun!
Mordecai: Well, yeah. But now there's a big hole in the wall! Dude, we're 23 years old, we shouldn't be busting holes in walls. We're gonna get fired for this!
Rigby: You mean, you're gonna get fired for this.
Mordecai: What?
Rigby: You're the one who threw me too hard, ya hole!
Mordecai: Don't call me a hole! You're the hole, you're the one who wanted to wrestle!
Rigby: Okay, okaaayy! Let's not blame anyone! Now, how in the "h" are we gonna fix this "s"? (In reruns, the line is changed to "Now, how in the heck are we gonna fix this stuff?" In the UK, the line is changed to "Now, how in the heck are we gonna fix this hole?")
Mordecai: I don't know man. I mean, we can't fix it, and we definitely can't pay for it, 'cause we don't have any money! Unless you have some money.
Rigby: No. Besides, I don't even know how much it costs to fix a hole like this. Probably a ton.
Mordecai: Exactly. Which leaves us with only one possible solution: We convince Benson to give us raises so we can afford to pay someone else to fix it.
Rigby: Dude...you are a GENIUS! Of COURSE raises!
Mordecai: Okay, dude, here's-
Rigby: Let me stop you there, because I already know what you're going to say...HAAAAMBONING.
Mordecai: What?
Rigby: Yeah, dude, Hamboning! We just go up to Benson and we'll be all like, "We both want raises!" (Repeatedly taps all over himself while walking towards Mordecai, then starts tapping Mordecai)
Mordecai: No, man! Stop it! We just need to ask him for a raise and just explain all the-
Rigby: No, no, NO, that's not gonna work! What are you, 65? (Imitating an old man) "Excuse me, sir, can I have a raise?" COME ON! I'm telling you, dude. HAAAMBONIIIING.
Mordecai: (Crosses arms) Noooooo.
Rigby: Hamboning will save your LIFE someday. It'll be all like, "What? You're trying to mug me?" (Starts hamboning again)
Mordecai: No! We're not doing that, okay? OKAY?
Rigby: Fine...(Gasps) I know what to do! (Runs to a pile of dirty clothes and gets a red keyboard) Are you ready for raises? Boop-bweeep-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boooo!
Mordecai: (In awe) Whoa-ho-ho-ho, how did you get that?
Rigby: I have my methods.
(Scene cuts to a flashback. A wizard places the same red keyboard on a bench. The wizard then heads towards a bush and urinates on it. Rigby steals the keyboard and runs away. Scene cuts back to Rigby and Mordecai. Rigby laughs to himself.)
Mordecai: I don't know, dude. How's that gonna get us raises?
Rigby: Aw, come on, man! Look! (Sets keyboard on floor) Just come check it out. (Plays keyboard and it makes cool noises)
Mordecai: Woaaaaah-ho-ho-ho-ho! This is the answer to ALL our problems. Have you named her yet?
Rigby: Actually, I thought you could do the honors.
Mordecai: Really?
Rigby: Mmhmm. (Nods)
Mordecai: Ya know, I've always wanted to date a girl named: The Power.
Rigby: The Power?
Mordecai: (Nods) Mmhmm. 
Rigby: I like it.
(Suddenly, the words "The Power" appear at the top of the keyboard)
Mordecai & Rigby: Cool...!
(Scene cuts to the park)
Mordecai: Alright, this time with feeling.
Rigby: Yeah yeah. Ready?
Mordecai: Yeah yeah.
Rigby: Ok. (Presses The Power's on button)
Mordecai & Rigby: (They start singing) 5, 6, 7, 8. (They start dancing to The Power's music, spin and then point) Give us a raise, loser. (They laugh)
Rigby: Hey, it's Pops.
Pops: A-ha-ha! Hello.
Mordecai: Hey Pops, what's up?
Pops: Is that the sound of music I hear?
Rigby: (Whispers to Mordecai) Dude, let's use The Power on Pops.
Mordecai: I don't know, Pops is kind of weird. (They look over at Pops)
(Pops laughs strangely as a butterfly approaches his face)
Rigby: Exactly, at least we can test it out on him, and he won't get mad at us if it doesn't work.
Mordecai: Ok, but let's not call him a loser.
Rigby: Why not?
Mordecai: He's sensitive. I don't want him to cry, I just want him to give us a raise.
Rigby: Ok, let's do it. Hey Pops! Check it. (Presses the on button again)
Mordecai & Rigby: 5, 6, 7, 8. Give us a raise, Pops.
Pops: (Laughs) Good show, jolly good show! A pay increase, yes yes of course. Just let me get my billfold. Butterscotch Ripple? (Mordecai and Rigby take one) Ta-ta! (He leaves)
Mordecai: Dude, I think that just worked.
Rigby: Yeah, I know.
Mordecai: I mean, if Pops wasn't so weird, he might have given us actual money.
Rigby: Totally.
(Mordecai and Rigby run off to show Benson The Power. Cut to Benson working at the shed.)
Benson: Ugh...
Mordecai & Rigby: Hey, Benson. Five, six, seven, eight. (They start dancing to The Power's music)
Benson: What are you doing?
Mordecai & Rigby: (They spin and point at Benson) Give us a raise, loser. (They quickly back up, afraid of how Benson will react)
Benson: You know, you guys have been working harder, I think you deserve a raise. We can negotiate your new rates later in the week, but for now, how's 20 bucks sound? (He hands Mordecai and Rigby two 20 dollar bills) Keep up the good work. (Drives away in a cart)
Rigby: Do you realize what this means?
Mordecai: We can fix the hole?
Rigby: No, we can do everything we ever wanted!
(Clock transition to a montage of Mordecai and Rigby using The Power to get a bunch of stuff, then they fly down and bump into Skips)
Skips: You guys shouldn't be doing what you just did.
Rigby: What, the flying or the hole?
Skips: What hole?
Rigby: Dude, get to The Power, he knows.
Skips: Knows what?
Mordecai: Nothing Skips, uh, we were just getting back to work. (To Rigby) Dude, kick it to max power.
(Rigby turns on the keyboard)
Mordecai & Rigby: Five, six, seven, eight! Using the Power in your face. Sending you back to your place. Don't look at our crotches while we synchronize our watches. (They press buttons on each other's watches) Boop-boop-bweep—boop-boop-boo-bweep-bee-boo. Beep-beep-beep, beep-beep-beep, synchronized. (They put on red sweaters) Go away Skips, it's time for you to go away.
Mordecai: It's time for you to go to your room!
Rigby: Yeah, Skips. It's time for you to go to the moon!
(Skips disappears)
Mordecai: (Gasps) Where'd he go?
Rigby: Uh...
Mordecai: Did you just send Skips to the moon?
Rigby: Isn't that what you said?
Mordecai: No, room. I sent him to his room, not the moon, you idiot! Dude, wish him back.
Rigby: But it doesn't work that way.
Mordecai: What do you mean?
Rigby: I can't see him, can I?
Mordecai: Ugh, then we have to go get him.
Rigby: But he's going to be pissed! (In reruns, the line is changed to "But he's going to be ticked.")
Mordecai: Better than him being dead.
Benson: Hey, hey have you two seen Skips?
Mordecai: Rigby sent him to the moon.
(Rigby punches Mordecai, who then punches him. Rigby groans in pain.)
Benson: Wait, what?
Mordecai: We accidentally sent Skips to the moon with this keyboard and now we have to get him back.
(Benson laughs)
Pops: Ooh, I love the moon.
Benson: Come on, where's Skips?
Mordecai: Ugh! Look, we'll show you.
Rigby: Come on, let's go! Jeez, you take forever.
Mordecai: Sorry, Pops had to go to the bathroom.
Pops: Twice.
Benson: So what do we do?
Mordecai: Don't worry, we got it.
Mordecai & Rigby: (They start playing the keyboard and singing) Take us to the moon! Take us to the moon! Woah-oh! Won't you take us to the moon?
(Nothing happens)
Benson: Ha-ha, very fun-
(The cart suddenly vanishes. Cut to everyone in the cart screaming as they're hurled through space. They crash-land on the moon. Everybody is heard coughing and moaning. Benson gets up.)
Benson: What is all this junk?
(An assortment of items are sitting before them.)
Rigby: Um, don't get mad at me guys, but, uh, I kinda sent a bunch of stuff to the moon while you guys were in the house.
(Flashback to Rigby playing with The Power)
Rigby: (Singing) A bunch of baby ducks. Send 'em to the moon. Soda machine that doesn't work. Send 'em to the moon.
(Shifts back to present) 
Mordecai: You drillbit. What else did you send?
(Suddenly a Moon Monster appears, who is chasing Skips)
Pops: Look, it's Skips! There he is!
Mordecai: Oh great, it had to be a monster.
Benson: (backing away) What is that?
Mordecai: Rigby, you guys go get Skips. We'll pick you up.
Rigby: Ok, ok. (he and Benson run towards Skips while holding The Power.)
Mordecai: (struggling to turn the cart right side up) Pops, help me with this.
Rigby: Let's go, let's go!
(The Moon Monster, now in possession of Skips, roars. Rigby sets The Power down.)
Benson: Come on!
Rigby: Give me a break, I have to come up with the words you know. (counts on his fingers) Ok, I got it. (He begins playing The Power) G-g-g-go away big monster go-go...(The Power begins to lose power)...no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Benson: What?
(Rigby tries to play The Power, but it's unresponsive)
Rigby: Dude, I think the batteries just died.
Benson: What?!
(The Moon Monster closes in on Rigby and Benson. Mordecai and Pops have managed to turn the cart upright.)
Mordecai: Hurry up dude!
Rigby: The batteries are dead!
Mordecai: What?!
(flashback: Rigby recalls what he said about hamboning.)
Rigby: Hamboning will save your LIFE someday. It'll be all like, "What? You're trying to mug me?" I'm telling you, dude. HAAAMBONIIIING.
(transition back to the present)
Rigby: I know what to do. Hold this. (He hands The Power to Benson and runs off towards the Moon Monster, who is about to eat Skips) Nooo!
(Rigby begins hamboning the monster, which distracts him. Skips escapes from the Moon Monster's grip, then runs and grabs Rigby just seconds before the Moon Monster tries to crush him with his fist. Skips, holding Rigby, runs up to the cart, which is being driven by Mordecai, along with Pops and Benson.)
Rigby: WHOO! HAAAMBONIIIING.
(Skips and Rigby jump onto the cart.)
Mordecai: I can't believe you just did that.
(the Moon Monster pursues the cart)
Skips: Use your keyboard!
Rigby: The batteries are dead.
(Skips looks back at Monster, who is dangerously close by now)
Skips: (punches through cart and pulls out a batch of power wires, which he plugs into The Power) Play it!
(Rigby quickly starts playing The Power. The Moon Monster reels back for a punch.)
Mordecai, Rigby, Skips, Benson, and Pops: TAKE US HOME, TAKE US HOME, TAKE US ALL BACK HOME!
(They disappear mere seconds before the Moon Monster crushes the golf cart to pieces. Everyone screams as they're launched through space. They land in Mordecai and Rigby's room. All of the walls break apart and collapse, save for the hole Rigby and Mordecai made earlier.)
Rigby: Ha ha ha, we did it! Yeah! (triumphantly lifts The Power over his head, which Benson swiftly takes.) Hey, that's mine.
Benson: Nope, you sent him to the moon so the least you can do is give him your keyboard, right Skips?
Skips: Right. (breaks The Power with knee)
Mordecai & Rigby: Awwww.
Benson: And let's have it.
Rigby: What?
Benson: (turning red) THE $40.00 YOU TWO CONNED OUT OF ME WITH THAT STUPID KEYBOARD CRAP! (Clean version is same, but "Crap" is replaced with "Crud")​​​ I know you still got it, now, give it back.
Rigby: (sighs)
(Rigby and Mordecai hand their 20 dollar bills back to Benson.)
Benson: NOW CLEAN UP THIS MESS OR YOU'RE FIRED!!!!!! Ugh, can you believe this?
Skips: No.
(Benson, Pops and Skips leave the room, slamming the door on the way out.)
Rigby: Oh, dude, this sucks. The hole's still there. Do you think Benson noticed it?
Mordecai: (puts poster over hole) He won't now.
Rigby: Dude, you're a genius! (they high-five)
Category:Regular Show Transcripts