Lightning Strikes

Lightning Strikes is the eighth episode of Total Drama: Resurrection.
== Synopsis ==
The final nineteen contestants must compete in five grueling physical sporting activities.
== Script ==
=== Intro - Recap ===
Setting: Pahkitew Island, the Dock, nighttime
Chris:
Last time on Total Drama: Resurrection…
Blaineley:
A small kerfuffle at breakfast quickly snowballed into a brawl between Amy and Heather as Topher addressed his issue with Jasmine. The two teams were split up further into groups of two and three to locate four lost items of Total Drama history and lore. 
Chris:
Alejandro and Topher got awfully close in a cave while hunting down my Gilden Chris Award, until he tricked Topher into falling for him even further than before as Dave and Shawn had a talk about the possibility of a romance blooming. Dawn managed to be boring, even when opposing three strong contestants while Amy and Samey also got fooled by Alejandro. The twins learned to love and work together to save themselves.
Blaineley:
In the end, Amy was voted off by her teammates and was eliminated, however, due to… production wants, she was ultimately spared and declared safe to dominate another day.
Chris:
Will the Vipers continue their reign of terror? Probably.
How will Amy and Samey function as friends?
How will Dave handle Shawn’s rejection?
Blaineley:
Find out the answers to these questions and more, today on TOTAL!
DRAMA!
Chris:
RESURRECTION!
The theme song plays
=== Act One - The Cabins ===
Setting: Pahkitew Island, inside the Female Raccoon cabin, morning
Amy and Samey are doing each other’s hair while Dawn gives them a sweet smile and Sadie gives them an annoyed look as Lindsay sleeps with an eye mask on. The camera cuts to Sadie in the confessional.
Sadie (angry):
Now that Samey has become friends with my enemy, I have to try to find allies now that I’m sure she’s turned Samey against me. I have to figure out some sort of plan. I will do anything to prove that I’m a competitive threat. I’ll do whatever it takes to win. I have to get to the end.
The camera cuts back to Amy, as she placed Samey’s blonde hair in a high ponytail, the exact same new way she’s been wearing her brunette hair.
Amy (caringly):
Your roots are starting to come through, sis.
Samey:
Oh, no. What do I do now?
Amy:
I’m sure Topher brought some hair bleach with him, since he bleaches and dyes what’s left of his hair more than you do.
Samey:
Do you think he’d just give hair products up like that? You know he’s… fond of his own appearance. 
Amy:
He’ll hand it over if he doesn’t want a black eye.
Dawn:
Alright, Samey. Are you ready to go?
Samey:
Yeah, I think so.
Amy:
I think I’ll go with you two, today.
Samey:
Amy, you don’t have to, I know you like your beauty sleep.
Amy:
Well, now that we’re friends and family again, I should share your interests.
Sadie (jealous):
Well, I can go, too!
Samey:
Don’t you think it would be a little too crowded?
Sadie (offended):
Well, Amy doesn’t have to go!
Amy:
Oh, but I am, and you aren’t. Cope.
Amy slams the door behind her, Samey, and Dawn as they meet up with Shawn and Jasmine to go foraging for berries. Jasmine is visibly displeased with Amy coming with them, but stays civil. Amy notices and decides to dig into her.
Jasmine:
Finally not afraid of getting your hands dirty, Amy?
Amy:
That’s right. I figured that when your team eliminates you, we’ll need someone else to get breakfast. I might as well learn.
Jasmine:
Those of us that haven’t been eliminated once already.
Amy:
Hm, yeah, but I’m still here. The minute your team loses again, you’re history.
Jasmine:
With your track record, when your team loses again today, they’re going to vote you out. If I do wind up eliminated, you won’t be here to see it.
Amy:
I’ve seen your incompetence in action. You are no asset.
Jasmine:
Strong words for someone that has to take credit for their sister’s input.
Samey:
To be perfectly honest, she-
Shawn:
I think it’s best if we stay out of this, Samey.
Amy:
Why do you care what my or her input is? Because of your arrogance and hypocrisy, you two aren’t even friends anymore. How about keeping your priorities in check? You’re not even on the same team!
Jasmine:
We are too friends. 
Samey:
Are we? You haven’t talked to me since I had to shoot you for the challenge. Surely you know that I didn’t do it out of malice. I did it because I had to! We both know that you would have done the same!
Jasmine:
Of course I would have, but that doesn’t mean that I enjoyed it!
Samey:
And you think I did?
Jasmine:
You never apologized for it!
Samey:
You wouldn’t listen to me! You wouldn’t let me speak!
Jasmine:
I am not interested in what lies you have to spin.
Samey:
See, that’s the problem!
Amy:
You talk a big integrity game but have none yourself.
Flipping her brunette high ponytail off her shoulder, Amy, Samey, and Dawn walk away with a basket full of berries, leaving Jasmine and Shawn behind for a moment to talk.
Jasmine:
I have plenty of integrity and I’m far from hypocritical. Right, Shawn?
Shawn:
Jas, you know I love you, but you’ve always had issues with being entirely consistent with your words and matching them with actions.
Jasmine:
So, that’s a no. You could at least try to back me up!
Shawn:
Me? The Pips couldn’t back you up! Jas, this is something you’ve always struggled with. You need help. You need to figure yourself out.
Jasmine:
I suppose that you are right.
Jasmine and Shawn then walked back to the cabins and rejoined everyone else. Nobody seemed to notice or even care about their absence. Topher and Anne Maria were taking pictures together, Lindsay and Tyler were making out, Dave and Dawn were talking… 
Topher:
What’s your Instagraph handle?
Anne Maria:
It’s my name. annemariagg.
Lightning:
GG? There’s no sha-G in your name, let alone a second.
Anne Maria:
My last name, dolt.
Alejandro:
What is your last name, diosa bronceada?
Topher:
He speaks Italian to you, too?
Anne Maria:
If he wants. My last name is Giacalone-Giudicelli.
Dave:
Your full name is Anne Maria Giacalone-Guidicelli? I’d hate to see the hand that wrote that on a birth certificate.
Anne Maria:
No, my full name is Anne Maria Biancarolli Giacalone-Giudicelli.
Courtney:
There’s no way. That has to be the longest name in the world. You made that up. I don’t believe you.
Heather:
Why would she make up a fake name?
Eva:
You’ve met Izzy.
Heather:
Izzy’s just nuts. She’s the outlier for every occasion.
Sadie:
Really, this is all we have talking about?
Heather (stirring the pot):
Sadie, you’re right. How do you feel that now you tried to vote off Amy, but she’s still here, plus now that she’s made up with her sister, she’s got an extra vote? Secure? Empowered? Ready to fight?
Samey:
Well, what makes you think I’d vote w-
Sadie:
Let’s talk about something else.
Courtney:
Oh, no. You don’t get to demand a topic change and then demand it again.
Amy (malicious):
Answer the question, Sadie.
Sadie:
Well, fine. I think it sucks. You should’ve left and I don’t know what kind of dark evil voodoo magic you did on Samey, but I know that this is all an act.
Amy:
Excuse me?
Sadie (angry):
D-d-d-d-did I stutter? I know you’re manipulating Samey! You don’t bully someone for sixteen years and makeup in five minutes! You’re just trying to attempt to use her and then throw her away, just like you’re trying to do with Rodney. I see right through you!
Eva:
If she wanted to get rid of Rodney, don’t you think he’d be gone? Plus we see the votes, and not once has Amy even voted for Rodney.
Sadie:
You’re just trying to protect her because you think you’ll get something out of being her little lackey! You can’t fool me!
Amy:
No, you are acting like a fool. Nobody has ever said a word about tossing Rodney out, first of all. Second, it’s not your business what Samey and I do. You are not either of us. It is not your place to decide what time is right for us to have united. Third, you should pray we win today, because after this clownish outburst, you won’t be having an ally left.
Sadie:
We voted you off once, we can and will do it again.
Amy:
Are you threatening me, Sadie?
Sadie:
Oh, no. I’m delivering a promise. 
Dave (trying to relieve the tension):
Well, this was fun. How about we split up until the challenge?
Shawn:
Great idea, Dave.
Eva:
I see no reason to disagree.
Zoey:
I agree. Let’s split up and let the sunshine heal our wounded hearts.
Courtney:
Thank you, Mrs. Rogers.
Cut to a confessional block
Amy:
Clearly, Sadie is off the deep end. She is an enemy and hindrance first and a person second. She needs to go.
Samey:
I wish Sadie would’ve just told me how she felt. She just seems so… paranoid for some reason. Maybe she’s just missing her friend Katie?
Shawn:
I honestly have no idea what happened today at breakfast, but that was very quick thinking on Dave’s part to get the teams to split up.
Alejandro:
The other team is falling apart before I could even think of manipulating my way through all of them. Pity.
Heather:
Watching the Raccoons implode is like a trainwreck. It’s a disaster and tragedy, but you just can’t help but watch. If this keeps up, all nine of them will have all fallen to ensure my impending victory. I will ensure that it happens.
Tyler:
Why did the miscolored clone get yelled at by the bigger Katie?
Cut to Dawn, Sadie, and Samey in the forest. Sadie, still upset from breakfast, is trying to calm down, Dawn helping her breathe.
Dawn:
A deep breath in. Count to five seconds, hold for ten, and then breathe out. Relax. Just breathe.
Samey:
Gee, Sadie, why didn’t you just tell me how you felt?
Sadie:
You didn’t give me the chance. You shot me down every time I tried to get involved. I’m just trying to look out for you. 
Samey:
I know that, Sadie, but for the first time in a very long time that I have a sister again. I’m very appreciative of your support and concern, but I want to have this experience while I can. Who knows how long I’ll have it?
Sadie:
I just can’t trust her. Who knows just what she’s capable of? She’s a massive bully to everyone except Eva, and that’s probably because Eva could kill her with either of her weird misshapen thumbs. She bullied you for your child years until you were an adult and then disappeared. 
Samey:
I know that, but things are different now. We’ve talked through the issues and we’ve made up. Can’t you at least pretend to be happy for me?
Sadie:
I suppose I can try to be happy for you, but I will never like her. 
Samey:
I’m not asking you to. All I’m asking is that you respect my decisions, as my friend, to reunite with my sister. It’s important to me.
Sadie:
I suppose that that’ll have to be good enough. You’re my friend and I care about you. But what about the voting?
Samey:
I have my own identity, since that’s something that everyone else is forgetting. I don’t vote just based on who I’m told to vote.
Dawn (staring at Sadie intensely):
You have a pure heart with honest intentions, but your actions can be perceived as the opposing way.
Sadie (confused):
What is that supposed to… mean?
She turns to look at Dawn, but she had already vanished into thin air. She gives a shrug to the camera and she embraces Samey in a hug, which was reciprocated, their small tiff getting ended already. After they released each other, a familiar figure came out from behind a tree, approaching them. It was Jasmine, hoping to patch things up with Samey.
Jasmine:
You’ve grown up a lot since you were sixteen. 
Samey:
We’re supposed to as people. We grow and change. You told me that.
Jasmine:
That sounds like something I’d say. Giving advice while not following what I say at all. I owe you an apology. 
Samey:
Jasmine, really, it’s fine. It’s not a big deal.
Jasmine:
You deserve an apology. I haven’t treated you the best since I’d arrived back here. I should’ve had myself figured out long before now.
Samey:
I promise, Jasmine, it’s fine, really. It’s okay.
Jasmine:
No, it’s not. I essentially dismissed you after you just competed in the challenge as written and I got upset even though I know I’d do the same thing. I’m sorry. I haven’t been the greatest friend to you. You deserve better.
Samey:
Jasmine, of course I accept your apology. It wasn't even necessary. This is just a game at the end of the day. You’re the first person I’ve ever called a sister, they fight sometimes, or a lot. It means nothing. I love you.
Jasmine and Samey smile at each other, and after a few short moments, the two embrace in a tender hug. Sadie, again jealous, glares at the two of them as the camera cuts to Lightning and Rodney. Rodney was following Lightning, who kept trying to find excuses to get away.
Lightning:
Sha-what do you want? We were paired for one challenge, it’s not permanent!
Rodney:
I feel like I can really talk to you. 
Lightning:
All you said to me were a sha-few stutters. Don’t you have friends?
Rodney:
Well, there’s Amy, but she’s not-
Lightning:
Go heavily breathe at her.
Rodney:
But she’s busy with-
Lightning:
I don’t care! I’m sha-trying to lift and you keep breathing my air!
Rodney:
Do you need help? Maybe I can carry your exercise shoes for you?
Lightning:
I’m wearing them. Why do you sha-keep trying to impress me? The Lightning is a god. There is no topping him. From the weights to the babes, the Lightning is a god amongst men. You can’t keep up.
Rodney:
Well, maybe not, but I can surely befriend him!
Lightning:
Sha-think again. Look, why don’t you go bothering someone else?
Rodney:
What do you mean?
Lightning:
I don’t know, dude. Go do some sha-solo stuff. By yourself. Be a one-man team. Be independent. Whatever it takes to get you away.
Rodney:
Me? A one-man team? What would that even be like?
Lightning:
Go away!
The camera cuts to Amy, Eva, Lindsay, and Tyler sitting on oversized mushrooms and talk strategy following Amy’s near-elimination the night before.
Amy:
So, clearly, we need to come up with a plan. That was much too close.
Eva:
Why not rope your sister in to vote with us?
Amy:
This is my first time ever getting along with Samey, I don’t want to throw that away or jeopardize that at all. Besides, because of your temper, Tyler was unable to think clearly and vote for somebody else.
Lindsay:
Well, we did vote for your sister last night. Even with my honeybee to vote with us, she would’ve been eliminated and you wouldn’t be able to spend any time together with her now. That would just be wrong.
Tyler:
So what’s the plan now?
Amy:
Seeing as there’s four of us against the other four, it’s evenly matched. Rodney is our swing vote. He could go either way.
Eva:
He’s obsessed with you, Amy. He’ll do anything you say without any fight.
Amy:
I wouldn’t be too sure of that. Lately he’s been so concerned with finding Topher attractive, it’s consumed what little thinking he’s been doing.
Tyler:
Well, for a boy, he is pretty.
Eva:
Tyler, save it. We all know you like guys too.
Tyler (unfazed):
Well, what about you? You like girls.
Amy (getting back on topic):
What the hell does it matter? Why is this important now? I have an idea.
Lindsay:
Ooh! What is it?
Amy:
That cow Sadie does have some good ideas, I hate to admit it.
Eva:
What do you mean?
Amy:
We can’t be too safe. It’s a possible five votes against our four. If we can’t account for Rodney nor prepare against him, he’s going to have to go.
Eva:
So you’re saying that if we lose, we vote for Rodney? I don’t have any issue with seeing that bumbling buffoon go, but how would we send him home?
Lindsay (counting):
Ava is right, that’s still only the… one, two, three, four! Four votes against him!
Tyler:
So what do we do then?
Amy:
That is the issue here. If we can count on his loyalty to me, he’d waste his vote on whomever I tell him to, which would make it a four against four against one vote. In that case, I’d assume a ratings fiend like Chris would have some sort of tie breaker challenge to determine who stays and goes. 
Eva:
That’s usually the case, but he does just make everything up as he goes.
Lindsay:
And he already saved you once. I don’t think he’d do it again.
Amy:
Which is why we have to do all we can to win these challenges. Besides, if they manage to get rid of me, they’re going to come after the rest of you, too.
Tyler:
Especially Eva. She’s big and scary.
Before an angry Eva can start yelling at Tyler, and unwelcome voice comes over the loudspeaker.
Chris:
Attention campers! Report to the newly… acquired sporting arena by the beach. Immediately! Now!
Lightning:
Sporting area? I am so sha-in!
=== Act Two - The Colosseum ===
Setting: Pahkitew Island, the new Colosseum, day
The more athletic contestants practically raced each other to get to the arena first, followed by everyone else. The arena practically looked like a restored roman colosseum. It was a huge building made of white brick with entrances all the way around. The remaining nineteen contestants made their entrances and sat in two sections, one painted blue for the Raccoons, the other purple for the Vipers. Chris and Chef enter on a chariot being pulled by Blaineley.
Chris:
Faster, peasant! We’re late!
Blaineley (exhausted):
Well, you two are heavier than you think!
Heather:
Can you just get on with it?
Chris:
No, not until my grand entrance is complete!
Eva breaks a piece of a stone bleacher off from behind her and throws it aggressively into his chariot, hitting a tire and causing it to fall apart.
Eva:
Get on with it!
Chris:
Okay, okay, jeez!
He gets on a moped that was conveniently left sitting off to the side, and drives it in front of the bleachers, addressing the contestants.
Courtney:
This is not getting on with it!
Chris:
Oh, cram a sock in it. For today’s challenge, you will compete in five different sporting events. Track, boxing, gymnastics, archery, and tennis.
Zoey:
Archery? Isn’t that dangerous?
Chef:
Exactly!
Chris:
Any questions?
Samey quietly and politely raises her hand as everyone else starts talking over each other in protest of the challenge.
Yes, Samey.
Samey:
Um. where did you get an entire colosseum from?
Chris:
No questions, okay, great! Now, let’s find out the pairs of who will be competing in which challenge.
Amy:
Well, obviously I’d do the gymnastic challenge.
Heather:
Why? Your sister is better than you could hope to be. Clearly you don’t want to win. Your poor team. Yet another loss.
Alejandro:
I shall participate in the track event.
Chris:
Oh no, that’s not how this works. 
Blaineley:
If I get forced to carry around two overgrown men, you all get forced into different events you’ll fail at.
With a push of a button from Chris’ remote, a screen arises from the ground and flashes to life with a roulette wheel on it. Another press of the button and pictures of the remaining Raccoon and Viper contestants circle around until landing on Tyler and Jasmine.
Chris:
Tyler versus Jasmine in the track and field event!
Jasmine:
Sounds fine to me.
Tyler:
You’re in danger now! I did track in high school! All six years!
Blaineley:
Moving on!
Another push of the button as the roulette wheel spins again, this time landing on Eva and Courtney.
Chris:
Eva versus Courtney in boxing!
Courtney:
I can take her.
Eva:
I’ve been looking forward to knocking you around for years.
Another spin of the wheel. This time it lands on Amy and Shawn.
Chris:
Amy versus Shawn in gymnastics.
Shawn:
Sounds fine to me.
Heather:
This is an easy win.
Amy:
Good luck, you’ll need it.
Another spin of the wheel. This time it lands on Samey and Zoey.
Chris:
Samey versus Zoey in archery!
Samey:
Oh gee.
Zoey:
Good luck!
Another push of the button, and the wheel expands to have two additional pictures on the wheel. It then spins and lands on Lightning, Sadie, Anne Maria, and Topher.
Chris:
And for our game of tennis, Lightning and Sadie versus Anne Maria and Topher!
Lightning:
Tennis? Sha-lame! That’s for losers, bring on the football!
Topher:
What’s tennis?
Anne Maria:
It’s that one game where you have cups of beer on one end of the table and have to bounce a ball into one of the cups to drink it. 
Courtney:
That’s not tennis, you dunce! That’s beer pong!
Topher:
Oh, thank god. I hate beer.
Anne Maria:
That’s because you got that fancy designer taste. You’ll learn.
Cut to a confessional block 
Scott:
I’m just glad I wasn’t picked for any of these here sports. I don’t know the first thing about them. Rat Catching, now there’s a sport!
Lightning:
Sha-why couldn’t I at least get boxing? Instead I get some pansy sport with that big girl. This is sha-set up!
Courtney:
While I wish I could have boxed two members of my own team, I will be a professional and prove that I can knock out Eva.
Sadie:
Katie and I played on our women’s varsity tennis team in high school. This will be, like, SOOOOOO easy!
Samey:
Archery, is like, too dangerous for us to not be professionals on tv.
Topher:
I will never like beer. Anne Maria can just forget it. Get it out of her head. Poof!
The camera cuts back to the area, a track course has been set up featuring hurdles and various dangerous obstacles like rings on fire and snapping turtles. Chris was going to make sure that this wasn’t easy. Jasmine and Tyler lied up at the start, both of them doing various stretches to get warmed up.
Chris:
Jasmine! Tyler! This is so simple, Lindsay could do it. Jump over the hurdles, through the rings, and again, over the turtles. There’s no reason for you to sustain more than minor injuries like third degree burns. Ready, get set, go!
Jasmine and Tyler shake hands with camaraderie and respect, then Chef fires a starter’s pistol into the air and the two then begin running. They start off strong, jumping over the hurdles, however, Tyler’s clumsiness begins to shine through as he barely manages to leap over the hurdles. This gives Jasmine the upper edge as she continues jumping over them with ease. As Jasmine jumps through the first ring of fire, Tyler makes it to the last hurdle, and he trips over it, falling down onto his face. Lindsay gasps, concerned, however he gets back up and leaps through the ring of fire, his tracksuit catching on fire as Jasmine continues running ahead. Tyler rolls on the floor to put the fire out as Jasmine returns to aid him. She takes her jacket off and beats him with it until the flames are out and she then helps him back up to his feet.
Jasmine:
You alright, mate?
Tyler (dazed):
Never better!
Jasmine:
Right, then. Onward we go!
Chris:
Shush! You’re ruining the moment! Think of how many Gemmy’s we could get!
Jasmine and Tyler run forward, about even with their strides, both leaping through the next ring of fire at the same time and onto the next section of hurdles. Jasmine again gains the upper hand as Tyler falls over every single hurdle, face planting each and every time. Jasmine then leaps over the snapping turtle with ease, as Tyler made an attempt and it bites down on his crotch and he begins screaming and running in a circle as Jasmine leaps over the last hurdle and crosses the finish line.
Chris:
And Jasmine scores a point for the Vipers!
Tyler:
Get it off! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!
Blaineley:
Chef?
The camera pans back to Chris and Blaineley as Chef tackles Tyler. The two now inexplicably have microphones as if they were commentators watching professional sports.
Chris:
And that’s going to leave a mark, ain’t it, Blaineley?
Blaineley:
Right you are, Chris. As we await to hear about Tyler’s recovery after his embarrassing loss to Jasmine, we go to Courtney vs Eva in the boxing ring!
The camera cuts to Courtney and Eva in a boxing ring in the area, also not explained is how it got there nor where it came from. The two are putting on boxing gloves with help from Alejandro and Lindsay, and glaring at each other. Both want to win this match and are looking forward to clobbering the other.
Courtney:
This is your last chance. Back out now and keep your dignity.
Eva:
If you back out now, you can still keep your teeth.
Courtney:
Then call me Mumbles, because you’re going down!
Chef rings a bell and the two walk towards each other. Courtney immediately takes multiple jabs at Eva’s face, who blocks with her hands and then delivers a strong punch to Courtney’s stomach, who was too aggressive to think to block. Courtney reels from the blow, but doesn’t show her pain as she goes back to trying to punch Eva, who was easily blocking her and fending her off.
Courtney (heavily breathing):
Come on! Give in already!
Eva:
Not on your life!
A tired Courtney still doesn’t give up, still trying to take jabs at Eva, but to no avail. As she stopped to take a breath, Eva delivers a strong left jab to her head, knocking a tooth out of Courtney’s mouth before she hit the ground. Eva wins.
Chris:
Unsurprisingly, Eva wins!
Eva:
All this time later, and I’m still a knockout!
Chris:
And up next… Amy versus Shawn in gymnastics!
Blaineley:
I don’t know about you, Chris, but this is the event that I’m most excited to see!
Chris:
This will certainly be a battle for the history books, Blaineley. Two of the most flexible, physically fit contestants that we’ve ever had go head to head!
The camera cuts to Chef setting up a gymnastic arena on the court complete with bars, rings, ribbons, and beams, as well as a judging table. Amy walks out, wearing a black crop top and shorts with a red flannel tied around her waist, followed by Shawn, who walks out in his white tank top muscle shirt and orange shorts. Chris and Blaineley take their seats at the judges table, with a seat between them. There is some visible confusion amongst some contestants.
Rodney:
Why isn’t Chef sitting with you to judge?
Chris:
What does he know about gymnastics to help judge? I called in a special guest to help make our decision!
Dave:
What would either of you two know about gymnastics?
Blaineley:
Do you want to lose the one point you’ve got?
Dave (sheepishly):
I’ll be good…
Chris:
Without further ado, let’s meet our guest judge!
A silence falls over the contestants both in the audience and Amy and Shawn on the arena, who look at each other and then at the mysterious figure inching closer. Donning a pink oversized hat, large white rhinestoned sunglasses, and a pink pleather oversized jacket, this mystery judge slowly walked, the heels of their stilettos PLINKing on the floor over the silence of their audience. Without a single word, they approached the judges table. They then tossed the hat, sunglasses, and overcoat off to reveal DAKOTA, her blonde hair grown back to waist length and wearing a hot pink mini dress and pink stilettos. Topher lets out an excited scream, waving his arms as Dakota’s green eyes wink at the camera.
Dakota:
Surprise! It’s me!
Topher (gagged):
Okay Barbie girl fashion queen, you better work!
Dakota:
Autographs will be given out after my job here is done, thank you, doll.
Scott:
Dakota? You’re… normal? How?
Dakota:
Daddy spent a lot of money to restore me because he said he “can’t love a monster.” I’m glad to be back to my normal self, but Sam still has a hard time with it, but he’s happy for me. I have to reassure him that I still love him all the time. He’s really sweet and was so helpful in my transition.
Blaineley:
Yeah, yeah. You’ve made your entrance, sit down.
Dakota:
A woman of your years should be careful with that snappy attitude and frown lines. You could be mistaken for a white raisin. 
Blaineley:
You better watch your mouth, little girl. 
Dakota takes her seat as Amy and Shawn are stretching to warm up. 
Shawn:
So how are we going to do this? No tricks?
Amy:
Trust me, you’re not even on my radar. I have more important things to do than to set you, of all people, up to fail.
Shawn:
Why do you let people get to you? You know you’re good at what you do. Why do you care about what everyone thinks of your skills and talents?
Amy:
Some people need to be shown their place.
Chef:
Now listen up, maggots, this is how it’s going to go down. When the bell rings, Amy will be going first. You must do a floor routine that consists of at least the high bars first and the beam last. You must choose between the rings or the ribbon for your second showing. When Amy is finished and ranked by the panel of incompetent judges that owe me two weeks in paychecks, Shawn will immediately go after. Got it? Good. Go!
Chef rings the bell and Amy runs forward, doing a series of cartwheels, backflips, and front flips. With a cartwheel, Amy locks onto the first high bar with her knees, and spins in a sitting position, before reaching forward and moving on to the next bar, lightly gripping it with her hands with the bar at her stomach, as she rotates around the bar, before reaching for the third and final bar, rotating around it once, and then lands in a dismount, which her knee, not having fully healed yet, buckles a bit as Chris shakes his head in disappointment. Amy grabs the pink ribbon up from the ground and begins to do a routine with it.She delicately spins and rotates, moving the ribbon gracefully around her body. As she finishes, she does a series of flips and approaches the beam. She does a front flip on to it and then simply walks across it like a tightrope. As Chris yawns from boredom, she gives a sly smirk to the camera. She then does three backflips, back to the floor in starting position. She then runs forward, doing a front flip onto the beam, and as soon as she grabs her footing onto it, she jumps forward into another flip, and then lands flawlessly in a split. The judges hold their score cards in front of them and flip them after they give their critiques.
Chris:
Amy, I have to admit. That performance was amazing. Amazingly bland. It made me regret sparing you from elimination yesterday. I give you a six. 
Dakota:
Amy, is it? What you did out there was seriously impressive, and to do it all in heels? Baby, that’s power. You’ve earned a perfect ten from me!
Blaineley:
Amy, as impressive as that was, you’ve shown us nothing revolutionary. You’ve done things we’ve already seen you do. On top of that, you missed your first dismount. I’ve decided to be a little lenient and take pity on you. I give you an eight point four. You could’ve done better.
Amy rolls her eyes and moves off to the side as it is now Shawn’s turn. Figuring it would be safer, he kicks off his shoes and socks, and then runs towards the high bars. Pressing his body weight in his torso against the bar, he does a full rotation and leaps backwards to the next bar. With seemingly no effort, he grabs onto it with his knees and rotates backwards, then he leaps onto the next bar and catches it with his elbows, and in a squat position, leaps off and lands into a split himself. Deciding to up his showmanship, Shawn does a backflip and contorts his body into the shape of a ball, and rolls toward the rings. As Amy has just done the ribbon routine, it would be smarter of him to do something the judges haven’t yet seen. From his ball position, he moves into a handstand, and then using his legs, he grabs on to the first ring. With his experience in body training, Shawn was able to maneuver his body quickly to move his legs out of the first ring and grabbed onto them with his hands. He does a few pull-ups, his muscled biceps on full display. The camera quickly cuts to a quick confessional of Dave. He sits in the confessional, his body melting lower as he looks at the camera, carrying his head in his hands, lovestruck. The camera then cuts back to Shawn’s floor routine. Continuing to show his talent, he puts one leg through both rings into an upside-down split, and then lands in a dismount facing away from the judges. He then does a back bend and spider walks to the beam, and then moves into another handstand and backflips onto the beam. With a final front flip, Shawn landed into a backbend, his legs and head touching the ground with his back arched.
Chris:
Shawn! Du-u-ude! That was amazing! You completely reinvented the sport! You deserve the highest possible score. I give you a perfect ten!
Dakota:
Wow! First, I want to say that you are an absolutely gorgeous man. Your hair is so silky and lucious and the way you can control and master your body is so impressive. While it wasn’t in heels like the girl before you, you gave us a complete show! I also give you a perfect score!
Blaineley:
In all honestly, I feel like this was manic. First, right out of the gate, you ran to the high bars. Where was the showmanship that you put into the bars? Speaking of the bars, I feel like that was… awfully gratuitous. You just wanted to show off your biceps and took the excuse. You could’ve just done all that for your little mouthy boyfriend up there. There were moments where you did too much and you did too little. I give you a three point eight.
Amy:
What are you, nuts? He definitely beat me. That was amazing.
Chris:
I agree with Amy, Shawn deservingly won that round, however, since Blaineley is the major shareholder, I am forced to agree with her judgment. This point goes to Amy. I hate to say it. I need my mouth washed out.
Dakota:
Oh come on, she did really good!
Chris:
For an amateur.
Blaineley:
Moving on to archery with Samey and Zoey! Since this is running on a little long, we’ll make this round short. Samey. Zoey. Grab your bows! You will be provided with an arsenal of arrows. All you have to do is hit the marked targets. Each color on the target is worth different amount of points. Yellow is one point. Blue is three points. Red is six points. Black is nine points. Simple enough.
Amy and Shawn look at each other and shrug, them join their teams, sitting next to Lindsay and Dave respectively, as Chef sets up the archery portion of the arena. Samey is given a blue crossbow with grey arrows and Zoey is given a purple crossbow with green arrows. The two move a great distance away and begin aiming. The two begin firing and have very bad luck, both missing.
Samey:
I’m a little scared of causing an injury.
Zoey:
I hear you. This is a bit much, even for Chris. Good luck, though!
Samey:
Yeah, you, too.
Samey closed her eyes and fired her crossbow again, this time landing a hit on her target. Chef inspects it.
Chef:
Samey scores six points!
Samey (opening her eyes):
Oh! I did it!
Zoey:
Good job!
Zoey fires again and then also hits her target. Chef inspects it.
Chef:
And Zoey scores nine points!
Dakota:
Well, there you have it! The point for this round goes to Zoey.
Chris:
And that brings us to our final round. Lightning and Sadie versus Anne Maria and Topher in a rousing game of tennis!
Chef hands the contestants tennis rackets in their team colors, blue for the Raccoons, purple for the Vipers. Topher is visibly confused as he stares at the tennis racket. 
Topher:
Um, what do I do with this? It’s, like, made of wire or something. Although a mirror would look so nice inside of it!
Courtney (lisping from her missing tooth):
You are thuth an idiot!
Chef:
Now, the ball will be served by the first person to claim it.
As soon as Chef stretched out his hand to hold the green tennis ball out, Sadie quickly grabbed it. 
Sadie:
It’s mine!
Lightning:
Now sha-why not hand that over to me, lady. I’m the star athlete here.
Sadie:
You’ll soon see. You’ll all see.
Chef:
The first pair to score three times wins the final point and the challenge for their team. It’s a game of tennis. You can’t fail. 
He blows a whistle as the contestants get into their positions. Anne Maria looks ready while Topher still is visibly confused. Sadie tosses the ball into the air and then strikes it with her net. The ball flies at Topher’s face, and in a quick act of defense, he covers his face with the rackets, inadvertently hitting the ball back over the net. Lightning and Sadie run into each other trying to serve the ball back and collapse, as Topher accidentally scored the first of the three points. 
Topher:
Oh! Tennis is easy!
Lightning:
You won’t be saying that for long.
With the Viper’s turn to serve, Anne Maria, not understanding, tries to replicate what Sadie did to serve, and ends up hitting the ball into the net for a fault. Trying again, she serves over the net, and the ball is quickly returned by Lightning. Anne Maria returns the ball, but accidentally throws her racket, as Sadie returns the ball back and it smacks Anne Maria in the stomach, earning a point for the Raccoons.
Anne Maria:
Oh, you’re in for it now, grease pig! You’re cabbage!
Sadie:
It’s on, slam hog! You’re going down! Our turn!
Lightning’s turn to serve. Tossing the ball up, he leaps up and spikes the ball across the net, scoring the second point for the Raccoons immediately. Topher’s turn to serve. He weakly throws the ball up and smacks it with the racket. The ball slowly and just barely reaches over the net, just grazing the top, and it is swiftly returned by Sadie, and then smacked over the net by Anne Maria, scoring the second point for the Vipers. Sadie’s turn to serve. She’s sweaty and nervous. She shakes a bit and takes a deep breath.
Anne Maria:
Well, come on, major loser! Get on with it!
Sadie:
You’re in for it now!
Sadie serves the ball, and it’s returned by Anne Maria as Topher has pretty much mentally checked out and sat on his phone, tired of physical activity. She managed to keep up with Sadie and Lightning alone, returning their strikes and spikes. However, luck abandoned Anne Maria as she tripped and fell over, giving Lightning the freedom to return the ball and score the final point of the game, as well as winning the challenge for the Raccoons.
Chris:
I don’t believe it. For the first time in what feels like forever, the Raccoons finally win another challenge! Vipers, unfortunately, that means that you’ll be voting out another member at the campfire ceremony.
Blaineley:
Dakota, thank you for your time, you’re free to go.
Dakota:
That’s it? But Chris, you said that I’d be judging a fa-
Chris:
Plans change. Move on. Goodbye.
=== Act Three - The Cabin ===
Setting: Pahkitew island, the Cabin, dusk
The Vipers sat outside their cabin, their mood dark from losing the challenge and having to vote out their third member in a few hours.
Shawn:
This should be an easy vote.
Jasmine:
Right.
Zoey:
Why do you say that?
Dave:
Because Topher fully quit the challenge, sat down, and played on his phone.
Topher:
Hey! I was checking social media! It’s important.
Dave:
To you.
Anne Maria:
Don’t you dare talk to him like that, string bean. You’ll leave in a body bag.
Shawn:
Why are you defending him? He failed. He made you do twice the work.
Anne Maria:
I don’t know where you people get your morals, or whatever, but you never turn your back on a friend!
Shawn:
Well, good. I don’t like him. He’ll be easy to vote out tonight. Surely the logical people will agree with me that he’s dead weight and has to go. 
Jasmine:
Topher, I do like you, but surely you can see that you held us back today.
Topher:
Um, my selfies on Tweeter in my cute tennis outfit got one million hearts. Clearly I’m the favorite. You’re just jealous of my success.
Dave:
Or you’re just self-absorbed and are a conventionally attractive white gay male on the internet that happened to be on television for five minutes when you were a teenager and your life has spiraled out since then and now you’re desperate to try and reclaim what little fame you’ve had.
Topher:
Okay, and? Fame is fame. The audience loves me and they hate you.
Shawn:
That’s literally not even a big deal. I don’t care what people I don’t know think of me. I couldn’t care less.
Topher simply rolls his eyes and walks away. The team then goes their separate ways. Dave, Jasmine, and Shawn stay in place. Dave places his hands on Shawn’s chest, gushing over his performance in the gymnastic challenge.
Dave:
Shawn, that was amazing! How did you learn to do all that?
Shawn (laughing a bit):
When you prep for the zombie invasion, it’s only logical to practice training your body and becoming a contortionist to fit into as small a space as you can for when defenses are your last options. 
Dave:
But how? I didn’t think it was possible for a human body to move like that.
Shawn:
My friend, welcome to the real world. Marvels happen all around you, dude.
Jasmine:
Not to break up a tender moment here, but we’re in agreement to vote out Topher, right?
Dave:
No doubt.
Shawn:
There’s no way he’s staying. Most of us think with our heads. Anyone that sides with Topher is as full of hot air as he is. I can’t see Alejandro, Courtney, or Heather keeping that liability around. That’s six votes there. He’s leaving.
Jasmine:
I gotta say, seeing Amy admit that she was beaten by you, Shawn… I'm starting to think that she’s actually changed. Maybe it’s not just some game.
Shawn:
I promised her that I wouldn’t tell, but I’ve known about it for a while. In the hunting the spider challenge, she was really helpful and was genuinely concerned for everyone else. Strangely, Scott out of everybody.
Dave:
Really? The uptight bossy girl likes the sweaty pig farmer that doesn’t bathe?
The camera cuts to Alejandro, Anne Maria, Heather, Scott, Topher, and Zoey in the forest having an alliance meeting.
Heather:
Now is the perfect time. They’re voting for Topher, they’ll never see it coming.
Zoey:
Should we pretend to also be voting for Topher just to keep the peace?
Heather:
Well, Zo, the votes get shown at the end of the ceremony anyways, but that is a smart idea if asked. Smart girl.
Alejandro:
I’m assuming we can’t bring Courtney on board?
Scott:
She’s pretty set on getting Topher eliminated. She won’t help.
Anne Maria:
Princess Uptight needs to go.
Heather:
One stepping stone at a time. Bigger targets first.
Anne Maria:
Fine, but next time we’re here, she’s next.
Heather:
Deal. 
=== Act Four - The Campfire Ceremony ===
Setting: Pahkitew Island, the Campsite, nighttime
For the third time, the Vipers must cast their votes for the next contestant to eliminate as the Raccoons watch from the peanut gallery. Looking around, Scott notices Amy staring at him. He gives her a friendly wave, however she glares at him and looks away, flipping her brunette high ponytail over her shoulder for dramatic emphasis. Chef arrives with a serving tray of marshmallows, sits it on the podium, and walks off to get the boat of losers running.
Chris:
Well, Vicious Vipers, I can honestly say that I didn’t expect to see you all here again. I had high hopes for all of you.
Blaineley:
All around, this was just an awful showing for all of you.
Chris:
Excuse me, this is my show. I make the ultimate decisions here, with that being said… Shawn!
Shawn:
Huh? What?
Chris:
Your performance today was truly groundbreaking and you should have won the challenge. With that being said, I am granting you immunity from the vote tonight, as well as letting you join in with the Raccoons’ reward for the night!
Amy:
Reward? What reward? 
Chris:
Raccoons, for winning today’s grueling challenge, you have earned an all you can eat buffet catered by Chef Hatchet’s Food Land!
Eva:
Finally, some real food.
Chris:
Vipers. Nine campers with eight marshmallows remaining.
He flicks a marshmallow to Shawn, who catches it.
Blaineley:
When your name is called, you may collect your marshmallow.
Chris:
Zoey!
Alejandro!
Heather!
Scott!
Anne Maria!
Dave!
and Courtney!
Blaineley:
That leaves Jasmine and Topher. Jasmine; you’ve had a very rocky relationship with your teammates to date, but you dominated the challenge. Topher; you flat out gave up in the challenge, but for some reason, you're popular.
Chris:
With a vote of six to four, the last marshmallow goes to…
Topher!
Jasmine, I’m sorry my dear, but you’ve been eliminated.
Jasmine (in shock):
WHAT?
Shawn:
No way!
Dave:
How?
Blaineley:
Yes way. Here’s how.
With a flick of a button, the screen behind Chris and Blaineley comes to life to reveal the votes. Alejandro votes for Jasmine. Anne Maria votes for Jasmine. Courtney votes for Topher. Dave votes for Topher. Heather votes for Jasmine. Jasmine votes for Topher. Scott votes for Jasmine. Shawn votes for Topher. Topher votes for Jasmine. Zoey votes for Jasmine. 
Chris:
Jasmine, it’s time to go.
Jasmine:
I see… I guess it’s time to go. I accept my fate. 
Zoey:
Sorry Jasmine. It was nice meeting you!
Jasmine:
The pleasure was mine, Zoey. However, before I leave, I want to give you some advice. Look inside your heart and see if your friends truly are looking out for you. Be careful. Heather is using you for a number to vote with her and nothing else. To her, you’re just a baby deer that didn’t get enough oxygen at birth. You’re a follower that does whatever she wants. Your heart is pure, don’t let that foul, vile beast taint you permanently.
Heather:
You are so full of it. This is why you’re leaving now. Goodbye!
The camera cuts to Jasmine packing her bags with help from Dave and Shawn, and the three share a hug before she boards the boat of losers.
Shawn:
I wish it didn’t have to be like this.
Dave:
This is so unfair.
Jasmine:
Now, now boys. You can’t change the past, you can only work on the future. Time's arrow neither stands still nor reverses, it simply marches on. Besides, it’s better this way than if they eliminated either of you two. 
Dave:
Why? You’re more useful than I am to this team. They at least listen to you.
Jasmine:
Dave, now is not the time for this. You’ll find your voice. 
Shawn:
Besides, Dave, you are valued. I need you. Both of you.
Jasmine:
Oh, come on now, Shawn. You don’t need me anymore. You have someone more cut out to be your partner now.
Chef:
Come on kid, we don’t have all night.
Jasmine:
I’m coming, I’m coming. I guess this is it.
Shawn:
But it’s never goodbye.
The three have a group hug once more, and then Jasmine and Shawn have one last hug before Jasmine finally boards the boat as Chef drives away across the horizon, Jasmine waving goodbye.
Chris:
Well, there you have it! One more contestant has left the island.
Blaineley:
What’s next for Dave and Shawn?
How will Topher fair now that Jasmine is gone?
Will the Raccoons be able to go on a winning streak?
Chris:
Find out the answers to these questions and more on TOTAL!
DRAMA!
RESURRECTION!
The camera cuts to static and then fades to black.
== Trivia ==
* This episode is named after Lightning.
* This challenge was originally going to involve fighting off Fang in the forest with Sadie sabotaging Jasmine by trapping her under a rock. This was scrapped as it was too similar to Jasmine's Pahkitew Island elimination.
* Dakota reappears in this episode with a slightly updated human design.
** Dawn mentions in We're Really Doing This Again? that Dakota was restored to humanity
* Dakota was originally going to appear in Heartbreak Hotel, but was cut for length issues. She replaced the planned Sugar cameo in this episode. 
* Anne Maria's full name is given as Anne Maria Biancarolli Giacalone-Guidicelli. 
** Her name is a reference to Italian opera singer diva Carlotta from The Phantom of the Opera. In different mediums of the story, her last name changes, Biancarolli in the 1943 film and Guidicelli in the popular stage musical. 
** Giacalone comes from Anthony Giacalone, a Sicilian-American mobster from Detroit, Michigan that murdered politician and criminal Jimmy Hoffa.
* Tyler confuses Amy for Samey and Sadie for Katie.
* Following the previous episode, Rodney is still trying to befriend Lightning.
* Eva and Tyler talking about sexuality and getting interrupted by Amy, who asks if it's even important is a joke about movies and television shows that try to shoehorn in small bits of dialogue about sexuality in order to seem inclusive as a marketing tactic.
* The "sporting arena" is described to be a recreation of the iconic Colosseum from Rome.
* Carrying the Roman theme, Blaineley is forced to carry Chris and Chef Hatchet in a chariot.
* Alejandro volunteers to participate in the challenge, but gets rejected.
* Tyler confirms that he was in high school for six years. It isn't said which two grades he failed.
* Anne Maria confuses tennis with beer pong, disgusting Topher.
* Tyler takes on the pain magnet role in this episode.
* Eva knocks out one of Courtney's teeth while boxing her, right after saying that she'd knock her teeth out.
* Topher compares Dakota to Barbie.
* Dakota mentions that she is still dating Sam.
* Shawn is revealed to be a contortionist in this episode.
* Amy, despite winning the point for gymnastics, agreed that Shawn beat her in the challenge.
* Anne Maria calling Sadie "cabbage" is a reference to her thick Jersey accent saying "garbage."
* Shawn tells Dave and Jasmine about Amy being heroic in Watchtower of Terror.
* With this episode, Shawn is the third contestant to receive an individual immunity reward despite the teams not being merged yet. He is preceded by Amy and Lindsay in Watchtower of Tower.
* This is the second episode to feature a "blindside" elimination, following Duncan's elimination in Choreo Queens.
* Before her departure, Jasmine tells Shawn that Dave is perfectly fit to be his partner.
* Despite rejecting Dave in the previous episode, Shawn is shown to be comfortable with his touch and flirting this episode, as well as not resisting when Dave is referred to as his boyfriend. This is due to his relationship with Jasmine officially being wrapped up at the start of this episode, and he essentially gets Jasmine's permission at the end of the episode.