Shmexis Problem Children Campaign/The Panic Attackers

Shmexis Problem Children Campiagn/The Panic Attackers is the main campaign of the Shmexiverse due to its many iconic characters and events. Initially planned to be a test campaign for Shmexi, it was meant to be a clean play of the 5th edition starter adventure 'Lost Mines of Phandelver' but he decided it would be fun to spice it up. After placing the characters in a very unbalanced encounter after the party evaded the main hook to the story he saw how funny the campaign would be. So as to not play through the same plot he created in his own version of the book, which was quickly ruined by the players. As to not completely abandon the campaign, he connected it to a story he is familiar with and can easily run (though this proved to have its own problems), Out of the Abyss.
The Dungeon Master for the game was Shmexi.
List of Players and their Characters
* Winnin - Gwyn, The Half-Elven Druid
*Rusty - Emmanuel, The Doppleganger Cleric
*Joker - Suke, The Teifling Bard and Link, The Drow Ranger
* VOR - Mouse, The Tabaxi Barbarian
* Ginge - EA, The Teifling Warlock
*Bilbo - Heehk, The Elven Rogue
Iconic Characters
*Mr.Jimn - A creepy goblin the party encountered on their first session and fell in love with.
*Buppido - A derro who thinks himself to be a god. Due to his insanity and mishearing the characters name they have dubbed him "da-pedo"Story
The campaign started with the party being hired by Gundren Rockseeker to bring mining supplies into the town of Phandalin (a near derelict mining town which has recently had a sudden surge in its mines productivity due to the prisoners it has recently been opened to take in and work in the mines to fulfill their sentence instead of rotting in a cell for their lives) along with 2 prisoners which are to be sent to work there, Heehk and Suke.
Roughly an hour or two outside of the town the party saw a dark haired horse lying just off the side of the road with two arrows in its side. (The usual story would be a goblin ambush when they go to investigate) The driver of the kart Gwyn upon seeing this decided it would be best if they were to avoid it completely, swerving the wagon away and riding on to deliver the supplies (this will become a reoccurring theme with this party).
The goblins seeing the kart clearly filled with supplies, decided to take the kart in the open instead of in the safer slightly covered area to the side of the road, the leader and most talkative of the goblins (Mr.Jimn) decided to distract the party whilst the other goblins prepared for the full ambush whilst their leaders, the bugbears waited on the sidelines with a separate plan. Standing out in the middle of the road in front of the horses, the small goblin with dirtied and ripped pants ill fitting and probably stolen, a strangely fitted orange suit still muddied but well kept and a brown flat cap. His very prominent chin seemed to guide his head as he approached the kart, the top of his head sticking just over the seat for the riders area. His arms shot up, his fingers wiggled and grabbed onto the ledge as he pulled himself up.
Greeting the party with a deep "HEY BOY!" The goblin continued "That's a nice kart you got. I bets its such a burden.... Tell you what. I'll take it off your hands for no fee whatsoever", the now very confused Gwyn decided it would be best to bring her companion and fellow member of the guard to deal with the situation. Ea slowly made her way to the front of the kart only to find Mr.Jimn sat next to Gwyn talking to himself. He turned to face Ea "Well, well, well. It looks like we have ourselves a theif on our hands. Now tell me. How many years does the average insect live?", confused she tried to talk him out of the seat, ignoring her he persisted with his questions. Scratching his head he brought out a flee from his head, "Whats this creatures life span to the exact second?", stunned by the question Ea started to laugh at the goblin. His expression not changing he took the nit and ate it, after swallowing he said "EXACTLY 2 DAYS 3 HOURS 24 SECONDS, 53 MILLISECONDS AND 2 STEPS".
Both party members stunned he walked through the wagon talking to the occupants and mumbling to himself without anyone trying to stop him. 
He kicked open the hatch meaning the sleeping Heehk who was leaning on the hatch fell onto the road, jumping off the back of the kart onto the road, he walked back around to the front to greet the two guards again, who were now in tears at the absurdity of the situation. With a slightly disgrunled face he climbed onto one of the horses pulling the kart, taking out his knife, the other goblins now hidden under the kart and bushes on the side of the road revealed themselves. A fight broke out between the two groups, whilst the party was distracted by the goblins at the front, a bugbear stole heehks sleeping body off of the ground, replacing it with a doppelganger.
During the battle Mr.Jimn and a small group of goblins decided to flee running back into the forrest, Jimn giving a quick bow as he dissapeared into the trees leaving the party to the group of bugbears now approaching the kart to finish off the work of the goblins. 
At this point, the unconscious Heehk woke up to find himself being carried by a bugbear through the forrest, whilst trying to seem asleep he managed to unclip the massive war hammer on the bugbears back strap and hold it in position. After seeing an area he could hide in, he dropped taking the war hammer with him. The bugbear now looking for him on the ground, didn't look for the trees where (after a very lucky strength and dexterity role) he managed to climb up to with the war hammer, using the war hammers own weight he managed to drop it on its head, crushing its neck and sending its cracked skull into its body. Sprinting back to the party to help, he saw an exact duplicate trying to help the party. The party confused during the fight was cautious to side with either Heehk. Thinking he could kill them quicker if he suprised them, the doppelganger revealed himself and instantly attacked Ea who was stood right next to it. 
Ea running from the doppelganger hid behind a bush, where the doppelganger followed her, transforming into a copy of her. They both stood up, the doppelganger an exactly copying her. Ea unsure of what to do, ran away flailing her arms and screeching 'EEEEEEEEEEEEEE' as she ran, the doppelganger unsure of what to do just shrugged. The party knowing Ea was the only member weird enough to do such a thing to distinguish themselves focused on the doppelganger, Heehk dealing the final blow with a head butt, the doppelgangers usually quite liquid body solidified and shattered leaving a bruise on Heehks forehead.
Wanting to remove the chance for something like this to happen to another not as prepared party, they followed the tracks of the goblins that fled to a small alcove in where the goblins had beds chests and living areas. Using a near perfect mix of magic (Druidcraft, Thaumaturgy, Dancing Lights and other effect spells) and imitating the screams of seagulls from Suke the party managed to convince the goblins that their god Maglubiet was not fulfiled with their ambush and does not wish them to fail him again, the party convinced them to stay in their cave for near 24/7 prayer, leaving only for food and water. Leaving them there, they gathered themselves and parked the kart up to keep watch on the side of te road to make sure no goblins left their cave. And one by one got their rest so that they could make it to Phandalin on the next morning, now slightly questioning between them if it was best to send the newly ackwainted party members (Heehk and Suke) to the mines or risk the concequences of letting them go. 
The party now well rested headed into the town of Phandalin, after the two hour ride they crossed through the cheap four foot tall stone walls entering a market, the people walking back and forth made it difficult for the wagon to continue, appearing from the crowd was a fat and well dressed man, his mustache well kept and his glasses resting on his forehead. After introducing himself as the mayor he lead the party through the crowd to an area where they could park in the town for now, leaving the wagon with the keepers they followed the mayor into his office waling past his very short curly grey haired halfling secretary who looked up from her paper work to give them a cold welcome. The mayor informed them of where to drop off the prisoners and tells them that he has prepared them their own rooms in the local tavern.
Finally dropping off the supplies at the miners exchange the party received their gold and headed towards the town jail for the two prisoners to be held and processed before being sent to work. As they approached the jail, the rotted wood and mossy cobble walls seemed to creak as to welcome the new prisoners. The already foggy windows nearly turned opaque and the steel cells from the side swung open and shut in the wind beckoning them in. The rotted rope on the noose that hangs from the bar off to the left of the building swings in the wind hanging on one string before it fell to the muddy ground below. From the dark stained oak and steel door a tall skinny keeper comes out, having to duck as he walked through the door his black suit mixed with the shadows from within. With nearly a whisper, he asked if these are the prisoners he has been waiting for. The party now slightly worried, cautiously gave up the captives, he guided them into the cells and with his shaky hands he brought out a large set of keys and locked them in. Turning slowly he tipped his tall hat at the party and slumps back into the dark jail room, the party only seeing his silhouette through the faint candle light from within as he brings out a stack of paper and with a quill starts writing. 
Still arguing as to whether they should break them free, the party decided it would be better for them to meet up with their fellow guard member who they sent ahead to tell the mayor of their arrival to discuss the situation. Arriving two days earlier Mouse was already comfortable in the town. Gwyn and Ea knowing their companion well, walked straight to the tavern, as soon as they opened the door they saw the short and stout tabaxi drinking from one of the biggest tankards that the tavern could provide with everyone watching in shock. Seeing her fellow guard members she breaks from the crowd to applause from the other patrons and hugged the group siting with them in one of the booths next to the wall. Covered with the light from the fire Gwyn and Ea catch up with Mouse, telling her about the ambush and worries for the new prisoners. Mouse not knowing the prisoners was against freeing the prisoners, thinking it would be better to not potentially get locked up with them and to receive her pay and go back to her base. After pleaing to her better nature they managed to convince her to help them, finishing her drink she exhaled and said it would be best for the cover of night to beak them free. And so they waited.
As night fell, the party watched from the inside of the wagon for the keeper to leave, they waited for hours, knowing it was closer to morning than it is night the party nearly gave in just as the candle light went out, the figure taking long slow steps to the entrance of the town. The party rushed to the cells where Suke and Heehk waited impatiently, after a couple of minutes of struggling to get the locks open, they checked inside of the jail to grab the keys. Whilst the party was searching Heehk managed to scrape together a cheap set of lock picks using thin sticks and other materials he could scavenge, freeing himself and suke. Whilst searching around they found the paperwork for Suke and Heehk, they were to be worked in the mines for fifteen years each to fulfill their sentence. Their files had a sketch of each of them on as well as their names, rough heights, age and general description, the party freed the prisoners and on hearing of their files Heehk and Suke decided to vandalize a bit more, changing the pictures and descriptions of themselves on the paperwork they hid underneath the wagon as the party made sure it was safe for them to move around. After it was cleared they decided to investigate the mines as they were curious as to why this dead mining town was suddenly booming, as well as the rumors that creatures have been creeping around a night since the mines sudden activity. They approached the newly erected walls to the entrance of the mine to see a faint glow coming from within, after trying to distract and coerce the guards into moving from their post, they killed both of the guards and moved the bodies inside the walls as to not attract more attention. Taking out more of the guards inside they entered an area filled with rooms and a well decorated office area scattered with books and scrolls, trying to find anything of interest they found a book with a spiked spine with a gem in in the cover, opening it the script was unintelligible, being written in an ancient language the party couldn't understand, separating the pages from the spine they took the both and continued the search, finding a room with a pillar of sorts, with two layers, one thinner than the base and a green gem ingrained on the top, markings along the lip of the pillars. Heehk taking an interest in the gem took to trying to wedge a knife underneath it, though he tried he couldn't seem to free the gem, taking to climbing on top to try to get better leverage he unknowingly shifted the pillar to align with one of the symbols changing the gem from a green to a blue. After testing the pillar some more they managed to turn it to the correct symbols turning the blue gem to red, then from red to clear which then turned the room to an elevator lowering the party into the lowest layer of the mine. They couldn't see a thing in the pitch black tunnels, apart from a red glowing figure that ran across for a split second, the party cautious crept forward. Heehk, having no common sense decided to walk ahead trying to confront the creature head on, finding the Magmin trying to escape the party, after cornering it, it went to hug the party, Ea thinking it was a peaceful symbol let it hug her. Burning through her from its magma like skin. The party in reaction fought the creature, quickly dealing with it and deciding it wouldn't be wise exploring the mines when such creatures lived there (completely avoiding a area that the DM planned and was going to lead into his expanded story and world, told you it would become a reoccurring theme). They headed back, nearly getting caught by a guard readying to switch positions but running as to evade him and scattering meeting at the tavern where they easily walked upstairs as nobody was in the bar at such a late time. 
The party was awoken early the next morning by the tavern owner banging on the door, as they slowly regained their consciousness a letter was slid underneath the door beckoning them to meet with the mayor to talk about the prisoners urgently. After gathering themselves they went to meet, smuggling Suke and Heehk into a nearby bush outside the mayors building, they were greeted by the halfling secretary who after giving them a glance screamed once for the mayor and instantly got back to her paperwork. And so the party waited, and waited some more, waiting for what felt like years in the large stone and wooden waiting area before the portly mayor took them to his office. He informed the party of the freed prisoners, secretly trying to find out if the party was involved with the break out. Though the party succeeded the deception checks they were still nervous, but the mayor now thinking that he could trust them brought in a Drow group, explaining that he had hired them to try to find the prisoners and their conspirators and instead of sending them into the mines as they were meant to be placed, he went directly against the law and decided to sell them into slavery through the Drow. The party fearing the potential capture, thinking they hadn't fooled the mayor ran, breaking the window and escaping, now alerting the mayor that it probably was them. A chase broke out, Heehk managing to use his acrobatics and stealth to hide from the party and make his way upon the roof to keep an eye on the Drow whilst avoiding them. Eventually the party now cornered started to fight back, Heehk joining in by jumping upon the drow leaders. The fight didn't go as planned by the party, all of them eventually succumbing to the Drow poison and being dragged into the Underdark to be sold. 
Kelloggs: Bellow details roughly detailed events of what happened afterwards, as worded by Shmexi
Story outline (will flesh it out dont worry dad): u better fekin had son or you'll be gettin the whip (he never fleshed it out :()
* Start - dead horse ignoring
* Jimn encounter
* Unbalanced encounter they somehow survived
* Get to Phandalin
* Meet Mayor and creepy guard - drop off Suke and Heehk
* Suspicious of the mine in town
* Free Suke and Heehk
* Go explore find Magmin/slave base not do anything and leave
* Drow brought on for snooping/breaking out suke and heehk
* Captured.
* Slave pen - manual labour abuse and death of suke
* Break out with the help of both link and Jorlan
* Run
* Cavern encounter - finding the kuo toa speaking stone ("move it, come")
* Following the river to the dark lake
* Making a make shift float
* Shuushar leading to Slubloodop
NPC's from the slave pen:
* Buppido: A derro who believes himself to be a god (Side Note: The players refuse to acknowlege his actual name and instead refer to him as Da Pedo)
* Prince Derendil: A quaggoth who believes himself to be a elven prince who was cursed.
* Eldeth Feldren: A stubborn female dwarf
* Jimjar: A deep gnome known for his gambling addiction
* Ront: A brutish Orc
* Sarith Kzakarit: A shunned drow, placed in the slave pen for killing a fellow guard. He was infected with the demon lord Zuggtmoy's spores which drove him insane.
* Shuushar the Awakened: An awakened kuo toa trying to find further meaning in life.
* Stool: The parties favorite NPC, a myconid sprout.
* Topsy and Turvy: Deep gnome twins