In My Mind...

I dreamed, and it was out there, but dreams are so incoherent. Tonight I dreamt about killing somebody and it was just the worst. Like, man, I've never even thought about it. All day, death completely left my mind, and then I was reminded, and then I decided to write this all over again. To die dreaming is one thing, but to die in somebody's dream is another.
Mother Teresa of Calcutta has appeared in my dream only once, and it was the most awful experience I probably had while dreaming. She was young, and in the nude, I've seen her through a window of some sort, distorting the view like a weird, surrealistic painting. 
I was filled with lust, she was surrounded by many other women, they were all laughing, talking, constantly changing all their clothes, exchanging them with each other. Then they started exchanging limbs, arms, legs and heads were constantly changing at high speed, rolling around in this mess, each second getting more soft, more perfect, hair like wigs, faces like dolls and bodies like mannequins, completely hairless, incredibly soft legs, backs, breasts and buttocks floating around the room to form characters for mere seconds, it was a rollercoaster of emotions, lust, fear, and disgust. It was the strongest sensation I've ever dreamed of, I couldn't look away! It didn't take much time before this voyeuristic spectacle ended, however. Everything quickly got progressively darker very fast and I saw a black screen. 
Darkness, nothing. And then I saw her again. In a field hospital, sitting a few empty beds away, looking in another direction. Darkness, once again. Then I saw her in the same hospital, exactly one bed closer to me, looking at me, piercing me with the look I can only compare to one of the artworks used for "The Court Of The Crimson King". Just this dumb, infuriating stare that I could not decipher. I did not know how to feel, I felt bad, I felt scared, like I just saw a video I wasn't supposed to be seeing.
It was not the first time. And it won't be the last time. So many of my dreams felt like I was watching a video. A dream-tape constructed just for my brain to play it once and never again. One time it even felt like the tape was corrupted, or just really badly compressed, I don't know, I'm not good with VHS or any of that stuff. What I do know is it was basically black and white, with very little details, everything was very grainy and looked like one of those experimental horror movies, Merhige's "Begotten" comes to mind. I couldn't make out much of it, neither do I remember it in full, however I clearly remember two different settings:
First one was very short. It presented what looked like the inside of a helicopter, which was populated by strange humanoid creatures. They were almost identical in shape, very round and bulbous. This one also featured some colors that seemed to bleed through the weird effect, and the overall grayness it created. It was very noisy, all I could hear was some weird circus-like music, reminiscent of the "Block World Theme" from the game Yume Nikki (ironically, based around dreams), the weird noises those creatures made and the looping sound of the turbine. It ended with all of them jumping off the aircraft, one by one. Then the tape stopped.
The second video was very, very hard to make sense out of. It looked like a pier, in the middle of the ocean. On that platform I managed to make out a man, laying on his back, possibly shirtless. He had what looked to be long, straight hair. At some point, I noticed someone crawling onto the structure. It looked like a woman, possibly a mermaid or some other fantastic creature. She was getting closer to the man and when she got there, she laid on his legs for a while, doing what looked like oral sex. I was watching all of it from a bird's eye view and the footage was distorted, so I cannot tell for sure. But it went on for a while, and the whole film was very quiet. There was little to no sound, just white noise and muffled sounds of the sea. Then as soon as the tape stopped, I woke up.
Why is all that? Why are all of those dreams so strange? There is no reason for me to see these things, and yet they make dreaming such an interesting and terrifying sensation. All of those recordings from beyond the sleeping wall, why won't you just take me then? I thought I understood something, but then I wake up, and I have all of this on my mind. It all felt wrong. It's so hard to forget, too. Once I close my eyes, once my thoughts slip away, something very weird starts happening, and I never know how to feel about this. Like it's not my own mind projecting those images. I haven't thought about Mother Teresa in years, I've never been to a pier in my life, neither did I watch any strange tapes before this, I was way too scared. Why does the wall break? Every time. Every time it breaks, and I'm not born again, that's the problem. Sometimes I feel like I'm there, but when I'm watching those tapes, where am I? 
This sleeping village was just on tape, and my prophecy was wrong. I am so lost. I thought I was in someone else's mind, but not only was this a failure, I've let someone get into my mind. I've let something get into my mind, I've let this strange obsession occupy it, and I can't just drop it. I can't look away, I can't stop watching.
Category:Dreams/Sleep
Category:NSFW
Category:Weird
Category:Micropasta