The Things Larry is Not Allowed to do at the SCP Foundation

Things Larry is Not Allowed to do at the SCP Foundation
#Exist.
#Not exist.
#Anything in between.
#Assault anyone/anything with his mouth.
#Bully SCP-049. (LEAVE HIM ALONE.)
#Larry is to be escorted by two four six twenty heavily armed guards with stun batons.
#Under no circumstances is SCP-079 to be told of Larry's existence.
#Cthulhu is not a SCP.
#Neither is R'lyeh.
#What the fuck is a Kadath?
#Larry is NOT permitted to interact with any SCP with an object class above Euclid.
#SCP-158 is to remove his soul daily, for examination.
#Have any medication whatsoever.
#Go to Earth low Earth orbit Sol in general.
#Meet SCP-732.
#Exist on the same planet as SCP-732.
#Know about SCP-732.
#Larry is not a researcher at the SCP foundation.
#Larry is not a researcher at the SCP foundation.
#Larry is not a researcher at the SCP foundation.
#Who the fuck keeps telling you he is?
#Under no circumstances is Larry to be exposed to a low pitch remix of 'Safety Dance'.
#Larry is notfrom the future.
#Under no circumstances shall Larry get 'Back to the future'.
#Nor shall SCP-2337 attempt to help him in this endeavor.
#Once a year, Larry shall be allowed access to the furry convention of his choice, and multiple automatic firearms. It's best not to ask why.
#Larry is not and never was a member of the 'SCP Speed Dating' program sponsored by Dr. Bright.
#Larry is not smarter than research personnel. 
#Any D-Class that manage to find out about Larry are to be subjected to five years of daily torture via SCP-239 until they admit that Larry does not exist. They are then allowed to meet him.
#NEVER TO COME IN CONTACT WITH SCP-113. PERIOD. I DON'T CARE HOW FUNNY IT IS.
#Go to Jacksonville Florida.
#Go to Florida at all.
#Convince someone that he is in fact a god.
#Convince someone he is an Elder god.
#Convince someone he is an outer god.
#Once a week, SCP-243 will be exposed to his toilet, to see what he does.
#Snakes are never to be put in his cell.
#Unless you really want to.
#Larry is not allowed to build anything, ever, period.
#Dr. Glass is also not allowed in his cell after what happened last time.
#SCP-682 is not a spaceship. Stop.
#SCP-682 is not an elder god either.
#Under no circumstances is Larry to refer to anyone as 'Scotty'.
#Scotty.
#SCP-076 is never to know about Larry.
#Larry is never to know about SCP-076.
#SCP-343 IS NOT TO KNOW ABOUT LARRY EITHER.
#Larry can, however, be told about Project Heimdall.
#Bagels are food, not flashlights.
#Stop.
#In the event Dr. Bright comes into contact with Larry, all SCPs at the site will be re-classifed as Apollyon, and all on-site personnel evacuated until further notice.
#Larry is never to learn about [REDACTED]
#He is not allowed to pet any animals either.
#Or have [REDACTED] with them.
#Seriously, what the fuck, stop.
#If any D-Class are to come into contact with him, they must be Cironeans.
#Female ones.
#The window to his containment cell is also to pretended to be shut while any D-Class are in it.
#Dr. Glass says numbers 56 - 58 is an amazing idea.
#UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES IS LARRY TO MEET ANY MEMBERS OF CIRONEAN ROYALTY.
#Dr. Bright needs to stop submitting Larry as a SCP-001 candidate.
#Or an Apollyon.
#Dr. Bright is to have his memory wiped of all memories of Larry's existence.
#Sly Marbo is not real.
#Any attempts to create Sly Marbo will be punished by [DATA EXPUNGED]
#If Larry is caught masturbating in his cell, Dr. Glass would like the recording for examination.
#There is not and will never be a 'Things Larry is Allowed to do at the Foundation', as he is not allowed to do anything.
#Dr. Glass continues to submit a document titled 'Things Larry can be Forced to do at the Foundation', that the O5 council will continue to ignore.
#Larry is not allowed to attempt to kill SCP-682.
#SCP-682 is not allowed to meet Larry ever again, due to what happened last time.
#Larry is not allowed to drink his own semen.
#Dr. Glass is not allowed to edit this article anymore, due to numerous strikethroughs of the word 'not'.
#Dr. Bright is also not allowed to edit this article.
#Larry is not allowed to meet SCP-3999.
#SCP-3999 does not exist.