Bride and Prejudice

The eighteenth chapter of Total Drama: Superstar Showdown, posted on November 8, 2015. The final six are split up for the return of the marriage challenge. Julia makes a terrible discovery, while Chelsey and Trey's tension reaches a peak.
==Story==
“Last time on Total Drama: Superstar Showdown!” begins Roz, recapping the previous episode. “The contestants played a nice and fun game of hide and seek! Actually, it was barely even hide and seek… I dunno, man, give me a break. I was asleep the entire episode. I guess they went on a scavenger hunt, but things got a bit out-of-hand when Chelsey was tied upside-down to a tree and hit on by our grossest intern, Wolfgang and Nic were stuck in a cave, and Arthur and Julia were… doing Arthur and Julia things. And then my cousin Sharissa appeared for like five seconds, and I DIDN’T EVEN GET TO SEE IT! Ah, well. I guess that’s what I get for trying to have a well-rounded sleeping schedule, but with all the crap I go through from hosting this dang show, I can barely even achieve that. Argh. All right, well, luckily we have a VERY fun challenge today for the kiddos to participate in. What will it be? There’s only one way to find out, and that’s by watching! So do that!”
The contestants are shown the morning after elimination, where they are (shockingly) all asleep in various places around the cabin.
Flora is shown in the confessional. “Wow, that was the first time I’ve ever kissed a guy! Now, Nic… isn’t really boyfriend material, but it felt so good to check that one off my bucket list!” She grins.
She then gets up and goes to the sink, where she starts cheerfully brushing her teeth. “Gotta keep my teeth minty fresh! Don’t worry, I’m not trying to wash the taste of Nic from my mouth,” she says.
Chelsey, who is lying down on the couch, glares at Flora from across the room. “Nope. Not even going to bother today. I’m going to be a well-adjusted individual and keep my distance from Flora,” she says.
Wolfgang snorts loudly. “Yeah, that’ll work well. Think you’ll beat your record of ten seconds?”
“Ugh, Wolfgang, you know we don’t HAVE to have an alliance, right?” snaps Chelsey.
“Aw, come on, I didn’t mean it like that, it was just an offhand remark!” says Wolfgang. “Trust me, I need all the help I can get. But it’s not like you’re the best alliance-mate ever.”
“What are you talking about?!” says Chelsey. “It’s obvious that every alliance becomes 150-200% prettier with the addition of me.”
“Or with the addition of Flora, thanks to recent events,” says Arthur from across the room.
“Yeah, I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that,” Chelsey says.
“No, but the thing is, you keep helping out Trey. He’s a gross dude, and it’s about time everyone else saw that,” Wolfgang says. “But for some reason, he still has you under his mumbo-jumbo mind control.”
“Um, homophobia is not a good look on anyone,” says Chelsey. “I’m disappointed with you, Wolfgang.”
“Well, I’m disappointed with this conversation,” says Wolfgang, after an awkward pause. “I’m gonna go freshen up.” He walks to the corner, takes out a can of body spray, and begins to spray it on himself until the odor fills up the entire room.
Arthur is seen in the confessional. “You know, I am not as disappointed as I should be that Nic is gone. He is a naughty boy, and he kept stealing my thunder thanks to his obsession with Trey. Now, I can--”
There is a loud banging on the door, and a shrill voice then pipes up. “HURRY UP! I gotta go!”
Arthur slyly opens the door of the confessional, and sure enough, Julia is standing right there. “Come in,” he says invitingly.
“Fine,” Julia mutters, and she walks into the bathroom. She kicks Arthur in the groin, and he keels over while moaning, falling out of the confessional. “That’s better,” she says. “Okay, so honestly, I don’t even know why I’m still here. I don’t have any friends left, and Arthur just won’t leave. Ugh. Might as well try to pull out a second win, I really could use the cheddar.”
Julia walks out of the confessional and sits down next to Flora. “Have we ever interacted?” says Julia.
“Yeah,” says Flora cheerfully. “You yell at me sometimes. It’s not very nice. Sometimes it scares me, actually.”
“Oh, well, uh…” Julia says. “Sorry, I suppose. Hmph. Do you at least like One Erection? Wait, what kind of a question is that, you’re the epitome of a--”
“Oh, no, they’re boring,” says Flora. “I prefer Ten Minutes of Winter. Their tunes are so rockin’!”
“WHAT?!” Julia yells, enraged. “But… but they’re… ugh, why can’t I get away from those punk-wannabe losers?!”
“HEY! I told you to stop calling me that, Derek!” yells Wolfgang from the other side of the room. “Wait, uh… never mind. Carry on.”
“I’m going outside,” says Julia. She opens the door to see Trey slumped on the ground right outside of the cabin, asleep. She takes one glance at him, turns around, and walks back inside, slamming the door loudly.
“Yes, let Matt get his beauty sleep,” says Arthur. “After all, the ‘damp poodle’ look he has perfected takes quite a few hours of Z’s.”
There is a loud scream from outside, and then Roz flings open the door. “HEY!” she yells. “Guess who’s alive, awake, alert, and enthusiastic after getting 13 hours of sleep last night?!”
Trey slumps into the room, seeming to be sobbing, then collapses onto the couch.
“Uh… apparently not Trey,” says Roz. “By the way, sorry for the, um, technical difficulties at the challenge last night. I was really not feeling it. Thankfully, Cheffy was! That guy is the real MVP of this show. But anyway, it’s challenge time! Head outside to the fields and stuff and we can get ready to roll!”
Trey is then shown in the confessional. “I was NOT sobbing. You may have heard loud, mournful noises coming out of my body, but I promise, I just... snore really weirdly. Plus, why would I even be sad?! Nic is GONE! Only five losers remain!”
Roz is shown at the fields (and stuff) with the contestants, as well as a massive slot machine looming over them with Chef standing next to it and smirking.
“Hellooo!” she says. “So, six is a nice, even number, right? You know what that means!”
“Actually, we… don’t, because you haven’t… explained the challenge,” says Wolfgang.
“Well, Wolfie, I’m getting to that,” Roz says. “Wow, for a guy who literally never talked in Tokyo, you’ve sure been bringing the sass lately. Anyway, here goes. Your challenge today will involve a race across town, featuring multiple obstacles run by me, Chef, and all the other friendly folks who work on the show like Smoothie Guy! Beware, though: the last to get to the finish line will be automatically eliminated. Nope, no vote or anything. You’re out!”
Wolfgang says in the confessional, “Great, just what I needed, running. I mean, maybe the obstacles will be catered towards me… like playing shoot-’em-ups or yearning over sarcastic blonde German girls… Whoo-hoo!”
“But here’s the twist!” says Roz. “Yep, don’t worry, I’m not making you guys do this by yourselves. That’d be silly and dumb. This is where the slot machine comes into play! Uh, Cheffy, care to explain?!”
“Mmm,” grunts Chef. “As Roz said, six IS a very nice and even number. So, y’know, today you will be paired up into couples. Spouses. Hubby ‘n’ wife. Bickering lovers. And, since we staff members at Total Drama like to subvert gender roles, the fellas will be gettin’ into this slot machine and the ladies will be picking them!”
Nobody says anything. “Y’HEARD ME, FELLAS! GET IN THERE! GO!” yells Chef, and Arthur, Trey, and Wolfgang rush into the slot machine at rapid speed.
Julia sighs. “Ugh, can I at least go first? That way maybe I won’t be forced to be with Arthur again. Though, knowing you fools, I’ll be stuck with the guy anyway.”
“Yep, Julia, go first!” says Roz. She and Chef exchange maniacal giggles.
Julia pulls the lever of the machine, and it makes multiple sputtering noises as it spins before the hatch pops open, and out falls Arthur. “Ow, my bunions!” he yells as he falls onto the ground with a thud.
Julia slaps her head. “Okay, can you guys admit that you’re just trolling me at this point? P.S., it’s NOT FUNNY. I should’ve expected as much,” she says.
“Look on the bright side,” says Arthur. “You get to hang out with me and my charming personality all day, and we will probably win the challenge like we did last time. Remember? We are the dream team.”
“Yep, I dream that one day I will be living a life without you,” snaps Julia.
Chelsey is then shown going up to the machine and pulling the lever. She gasps as Trey pops out and collides with the ground, crumpling up.
“Aw, Trey, that was really not a good look for you,” Chelsey says. “Your Bonjour Doggy boxers are all disheveled! No matter, though, we’re totally gonna destroy the competish.”
“Yeah, whatever you say, Chelsey…” says Trey quietly.
Wolfgang then peeks his head out of the machine. “So that means I’m with Flora, right? Great. You know, she’s actually probably the best option,” he says.
“Wow, you’ve been super rude today, Wolfie,” says Chelsey. “Yikes. Your popularity is gonna drop faster than the funding going into this stupid sho--”
Chelsey is interrupted by Flora stepping up to Wolfgang. “Hi! I’m ready to get married!” she says cheerfully.
“...Can we just stick with a civil union?” Wolfgang says, in horror. Flora smiles at him.
“Okay, sooo,” says Roz. “You guys ready? Your first destination is Victor’s Secret in the downtown area, where you’ll be hunting for the perfect wedding getup! Then you’ll be heading to Smoothie Guy’s fancy-schmancy seafood restaurant, where you’ll have to answer trivia about your spouses-to-be, and finally, you’ll come to Chef where you’ll have to… well, it’s a surprise!” She looks at Chef, who starts laughing hysterically. “And then you’ll have to race to the finish line! Remember, if you’re last to arrive, you’re automatically out!”
“Wait, isn’t Victor’s Secret an adult diaper store? Who’d need that other than Arthur?” Julia says. “I am NOT wearing a diaper.”
“Heh, it’s actually a multi-purpose store now,” Roz says. “Lawsuits or something, y’know. Anyway, you guys ready? If not, then you should be. GO!”
The three couples run off into the distance. “Okay, listen, we HAVE to beat Flora this time,” Chelsey says to Trey. “So you have to PICK IT UP!”
“Uh, I don’t really want to run today…” says Trey. “Can you carry me… Piggy-back or something…”
“Whatever,” scoffs Chelsey. “After all, you don’t want to get your hair dirty, right? I get it! Neither do I! Wow, gay guys like you really are a lot like me! I guess that’s why they love me!”
Trey says in the confessional, “I must not appear too strong in front of Chelsey, so I don’t look like a threat thanks to that Nic moron blabbing on about me at his elimination. But UGH, she’s really working my last nerve with this gay stuff! Was saying that in the first place even worth it?”
Chelsey stops, and Trey jumps onto her back. A loud cracking noise is heard as Chelsey howls in agony. “AUGH! I didn’t do my daily yoga this morning!” she yells. “Oh, man, my fitness instructor is going to be soooo miffed…”
“It’s fine, Chelsey, let’s just go to Victor’s Secret… I bet the other teams are already there…” says Trey.
The camera then pans to Arthur and Julia, who are definitely not at Victor’s Secret yet, and are just walking leisurely down the street.
“Julia, what is your favorite deep-sea creature? See, I like the anglerfish because it is large, round, terrifying, and has a big mouth, similar to myself,” Arthur says.
“Arthur, shut up. I’m scrolling through Tweeter right now,” Julia says, with her phone out. “MUCH more important.”
“You’re totally a tubeworm,” Arthur snickers, as Julia shoots him a mean glare. After a pause, he says, “Where’s Victor’s Secret anyway? You’d think my adult diaper senses would sniff it out, but apparently not.”
“It’s right there,” says Julia. Sure enough, it is right there. “Pay more ATTENTION, you… you… toddler-in-a-man’s-body.”
Julia says in the confessional, “Okay, after verbally harassing the guy for eighteen years, it’s really hard to be freaking creative.”
Wolfgang and Flora are then shown entering into Victor’s Secret. “Yay, we’re here!” Flora says. “How do we find clothes?”
“Gee, I dunno,” says Wolfgang, staring at the many racks of clothes completely surrounding them. “It’s a toughie.”
Something catches Flora’s eye, and she sprints over to a clothing rack and shows Wolfgang a frilly dress featuring flowers, vibrant colors, and a grinning elephant’s head right in the middle of the chest. “Oh my gosh, it’s so cute,” says Flora.
“You know, something tells me that it may not be formal enough for our…” says Wolfgang. “Our wedding. I appreciate the bright… happy… colors, though.”
Wolfgang says in the confessional, “Okay, Flora’s love for adorable and happy things is SERIOUSLY gross. But I dunno, man, it’s so hard to get mad at her! She’s basically a walking ray of sunshine. For a while, I thought she was completely devoid of a personality, but she’s just calm and happy as heck all the time, and I think it’s rubbing off on me. Oh GOD, that can’t happen.”
“Uh, Wolfie, what are you doing?” says Flora, looking at Wolfgang, who’s examining a massive, intimidating-looking bottle of hard liquor. “We should probably get going, right?”
“Ugh, sorry, I just thought that this’d be a good drink to serve at the wedding, right? You know. Dark, twisted, spooky, contains absurd amounts of alcohol,” says Wolfgang.
“Drinking? I don’t drink! That’s bad for you if you’re underage!” says Flora, in shock. “I prefer chocolate milk, it never lets me down.”
“Okay, fine, let’s just…” Wolfgang says. “Grab our clothes and get out of here, I guess.”
“But we don’t have any clothes yet!” Flora says. “That is, unless you let me wear that super cute elephant dress. Can I? Please?”
“Eh, why not,” says Wolfgang. “Let’s do it. It’s, er, alternative, and definitely not boring. Now, what do I wear?”
His eyes suddenly move to another shelf displaying a tuxedo featuring a spiked collar and lots of intense, edgy orange flames, and romantic music plays as Wolfgang’s eyes water at the mere sight of the tux.
Chelsey and Trey then appear at the doorway of the store. Chelsey immediately sees Flora, and her eyes narrow. “YOU,” she says vengefully.
“Chelsey, stay focused… We need to win this challenge, no time for harassing Flora…” mutters Trey.
“Okay, fine!” says Chelsey. She rushes over to the other side of the store, and collides with an old man shopping for adult diapers. “MOVE!” she yells to the old guy, and he falls to the ground with a whump.
She eventually makes it to the dress section. “Trey, you’ve got a great fashion sense, right? I mean, other than the boring gray undershirt, but that surfboard sweater you rocked in Tiki was SO fetch,” she says. “Help me out here!”
“Uh, that’s not even one of my favorite shirts…” says Trey. “A solid 6/10, really… Let me just find a suit…”
Wolfgang and Flora then run by, leaving the store fully dressed in their wedding attire. “Bye!” says Flora.
“Oh, COME ON!” says Chelsey. “We’re, like, totally behind. We have to kick it into high gear. So, Trey, you just pick something, I don’t really care how it looks, just get dressed. Meanwhile, I need to spend an hour or two in the changing room. Byesies!” She leaps away.
After Chelsey is gone, Trey’s face gradually becomes red and he blows steam out of his ears while making the sound of a train engine.
Arthur and Julia are shown walking into Victor’s Secret. “Look, Julia, we must focus this time,” warns Arthur to Julia, who’s still scrolling through her phone. “If we win, we may get to the final two again, and you can destroy me again. Isn’t that enough for you?”
“Okay, fine, I’ll--” she begins. She then pauses, and a look of horror slowly makes its way onto her face. “Wait. NO. It can’t… No way.”
“Mm? Did Magic Mark 3 hit #1 at the box office again? I knew it would, that’s a cinematic masterpiece,” says Arthur.
Julia rushes into the store, and snatches up a tabloid from one of the racks. She examines the cover, which says in massive print, “ZANE CONFIRMED TO BE LEAVING ONE ERECTION AFTER MASSIVE BLOWUP - WHAT’S NEXT FOR THE BAND?”.
“...NOOOOOOOO!” wails Julia, and it reverberates throughout the entire store, catching the attention of Chelsey, Trey, and various old men shopping.
Arthur says in the confessional, “...This’ll be good.” He then laughs hysterically.
Julia is shown face-down on the ground, sobbing. After a while, Arthur attempts to cheer her up by saying, “Come on! I’ll buy you whale-shaped cheese crackers! You love those… right? I know I do, at least!”
“I… I’m a pit of sorrow… There’s no way that he’s actually gone…” Julia sniffles.
“Okay, look, it’s not like the guy is dead,” says Arthur.
“HE MAY AS WELL BE!” yells Julia. She gets up from the ground, with her makeup looking blotchy. “O-okay. Now we HAVE to win. Not for me, and DEFINITELY not for you. For Zane.”
“See you later, guys…” says Trey, leaving the store with Chelsey right behind, both of them wearing cheap-looking suits.
“Oh lordt, even Santa is ahead of us! Gotta go fast!” says Arthur. “And hey, now that Zane is gone, there’s an empty slot in your heart for a new man… Whaddya say?”
Julia slaps Arthur in the face, and he moans loudly. “We’re gonna WIN THIS THING,” she says fiercely.
The scene changes to Smoothie Guy, who’s cleaning tables at the fancy restaurant and waiting for the contestants to arrive.
He begins to rant quietly to himself. “You know, I almost had my life together. Almost. I was bound to do GREAT things, but then I just had to come here and work on this freaking show while getting no money whatsoever and being generally miserable, and I’m sick and tire--” He’s then interrupted by Wolfgang and Flora, who rush in.
“Hey, we’re ready for the challenge!” says Flora.
“Wait, challenge? What? Did Roz sign me up for something against my will again?! Hold on…” Smoothie Guy says, and then pulls out his phone. “What? Marriage trivia? How the heck am I supposed to… Ugh, all right.” He turns to the two. “First question, uh, where was your spouse born? You guys have to get five questions right to advance, by the way.”
“How am I supposed to know that?! Come on, this is rigged!” protests Wolfgang.
“In a house!” says Flora.
“Ding ding ding!” says Smoothie Guy. “You’re correct! Apparently that’s a valid answer, according to this sheet. Also, where’d you get that sick elephant dress? Anyway, next question…”
“Step aside, lightweights, we’re here to kick some butt and take some names,” says a voice at the door. Sure enough, Chelsey and Trey walk in and sit down right next to Wolfgang and Flora.
“Ugh, Chelsey, I told you, that doesn’t sound cool or threatening whatsoever… Stop it…” says Trey.
Wolfgang whispers to Chelsey, “Wow. Partnered with that guy? Honestly, I feel sorry for you.”
“It’s better than being with YOU, Mr. I-Don’t-Want-To-Be-In-An-Alliance,” snaps Chelsey, and Trey perks up.
“All right, fine,” says Wolfgang, slapping his head. “I have no room for negativity in my life.” He then falls out of the chair he’s sitting in. “UGH! What’s wrong with this chair? Couldn’t you have picked something that isn’t a DEATH TRAP?!”
“It’s okay, I have a band-aid,” says Flora. She gives Wolfgang a bandage with a yellow smiley face on it.
“Well, uh, I didn’t actually get any massive cuts on my skin or anything, but…” says Wolfgang, rubbing his head. “Thanks, Flora, I guess. You’re a pal.”
Trey says in the confessional, “Wait… Did Chelsey just imply that she’s in an alliance with WOLFGANG?! I didn’t think things could get any worse…”
Smoothie Guy clears his throat obnoxiously. “Um, guys, I’m trying to host a challenge here, so if you could shut up, that’d be greatly appreciated,” he says.
“Let’s be real, none of us really know anything about each other,” says Chelsey. “Why would I waste my time learning about people below me?”
“But I know stuff about Wolfgang! Like, he’s a really nice guy who’s also really great at teamwork and stuff,” says Flora. Wolfgang, in awe, begins to tear up.
“Okay, fine,” says Smoothie Guy. “Do NOT tell Roz about this, but if you guys finish washing the tables for me, then you can skip ahead to the final station. Got it? A nice little bit of manual labor never hurt anyone, right?”
The contestants all roll their eyes, except Flora, who seems to be wearing her usual expression. “Fine…” says Trey.
Sure enough, the four contestants are then seen scrubbing the tables of the restaurant with cloths, but are soon interrupted by Arthur and Julia barging into the restaurant, now in complete formal wear.
“You know, I never told you that the suit you’re wearing actually makes you look a little less grossly corpulent,” says Julia. “I’m impressed, man.”
“Listen, you do not have to tell me that you’re impressed,” winks Arthur. “Better than Zane now, eh?”
“Do NOT mention Zane,” says Julia, her voice beginning to shake. “Okay. Alex Nichols. Hit us with your best shot, we’re ready.”
“Do you guys really want to do this? I’m warning you,” says Smoothie Guy. “I hit hard with the questions.” Arthur and Julia nod. “Okay, fine. Question one. What is your spouse’s birthday?”
“January 2nd,” says Julia, at the same time Arthur says “September 4th.”
Smoothie Guy gasps. “Whoa! I’m impressed!” he says. “Next question, what is your spouse’s deepest sexual desire?”
“To have a sweet, intimate ‘Webflicks and relax’ session with--” begins Arthur.
“With Infinity Suit Spamus! From those spaceship video games or whatever! Arthur TOTALLY loves her, I got exclusive info from Kavren that you watch this one cutscene over and over and over again just to stare at her. So HA!” says Julia.
“And I was going to say to have a sweet, intimate ‘Webflicks and relax’ session with all five members of 1E,” says Arthur. “Wait, just kidding, make that four.” Julia’s eyes begin to water.
“Okay, this is getting WAAAAY too personal, even for me. I’m impressed, though, but I also kind of want to throw up on your faces. So get out of here! You win this challenge and whatever! Leave!” yells Smoothie Guy.
Arthur offers Julia a high-five, but she instead kicks him in the groin. “Let’s just… make our way outside,” wheezes Arthur, visibly struggling.
He waddles outside with Julia, and they encounter Chef, who waves while sitting at a long table decorated with hearts and cherubs.
“Well, hello,” says Chef. “It is time for the final part of your marriage extravaganza. Ready?”
“Come on, it can’t be THAT bad,” says Julia. “At least, it can’t be worse than the… t-t-tragedy that I faced earlier this morning…”
“Just spit it out, Cheffy,” Arthur says. “And we will get it done accordingly. I can guarantee.”
“Alrigh’,” says Chef. “If you insist. For the final part of this challenge, you must kiss your partner.” Arthur and Julia’s eyes widen. “For ten seconds.” Julia clasps her hands to her face. “PASSIONATELY.”
“OH GOD!” yells Julia. “You’ve CROSSED THE LINE, Chef!”
“Listen, this was not my idea. Go yell at Roz or somethin’,” says Chef, waggling a finger. “Now are you gonna do it or not?! Go, maggots, go!”
“Okay, Julia, I will motivate you. My lips are as soft as a baby’s bottom. You remember, right? After all, we did kiss in that Gail challenge,” says Arthur.
“Oh, nonononono,” says Julia. “Might as well kiss our chances of winning goodbye, because it’s NOT happening.”
Wolfgang, Flora, Chelsey, and Trey then walk out of the restaurant and to Chef. “Oh, god, this can’t be good…” says Wolfgang, looking at Julia’s horrified expression.
“Here, my friends,” says Chef, pulling up some chairs. “Sit down. Stay a bit. Get ready to kiss your partners. For ten seconds. PASSIONATELY.”
“...” says Trey.
“Oh my gosh, I’m so glad I’m with a guy who doesn’t even like girls!” says Chelsey. “It’s gonna be just like what the French do to greet each other or whatever, right? It’ll be soooo painless.”
“Okay, this’ll be a breeze!” says Flora. “As long as you’re not opposed to it or anything. You aren’t, right?”
“Uh… Yeah, I mean, it’ll be okay, I guess,” says Wolfgang. “Just a game, right?”
Wolfgang says in the confessional, “Look, Helga, I don’t even know if you still like me or not, or what the status of our relationship is, but I’d NEVER cheat on you! I swear! This is only for game-related purposes!”
Flora looks at Wolfgang and smiles sweetly. Wolfgang then wipes some sweat off his brow, leans in, and the two kiss… for ten seconds… somewhat passionately. The bell dings triumphantly, and the two leave the area.
Flora says in the confessional, “Neat! Two kisses in twenty-four hours! I bet Chelsey hasn’t gotten that many, but I won’t tell her, don’t worry. That’d hurt her feelings.”
The two arrive at the finish line, and see Roz. “Hey!” she says. “You’ve WON! Well, uh, the challenge, at least. And I guess I gotta give you guys a reward, right? Okay, well, you’ve won a month’s supply of Bavarian sausages! To be fairly split among yourselves, obviously.”
“YES!” cheers Wolfgang loudly.
“Wow, my fourth challenge win so far!” says Flora. “Congrats, Wolfgang, you’re a great partner!”
“Hey, thanks, Flora,” says Wolfgang. “That’s actually a really nice thing to hear. Now I’m gonna put this flaming tux in a safe place and then take a thirteen-hour nap, but you know, great effort.” He walks away.
The camera then changes back to the remaining contestants still at Chef’s shack, where Chelsey and Trey are getting ready for the big kiss.
“C’mon, Jules, time is running out! I know my morbidly obeeeese body may repulse you on every level, but we can’t get out just yet,” says Arthur.
“Ugh, I really don’t want to leave…” says Julia, sweating. “Okay, FINE! Let’s just get it ove--” She is interrupted by a watch beeping. “...Oh no.”
Sure enough, the red underpants are now on top of Arthur’s head. “While many children may have their first kiss at a young age, it often does not lead to anything substantial,” says Puber T. “Grooming intimate relationships is always a very good precursor to kissing.” Julia stares in horror.
“Okay, fine, I’m ready…” says Trey, with a hint of anger to his voice. He then leans into Chelsey’s face, and the two kiss for ten seconds, with very little passion involved.
“All right, let’s go! Congrats! Wow, your future boyfriend must be, like, super lucky,” says Chelsey, as the two run off.
Chelsey and Trey make it to Roz at the finish line, who greets them. “Alrighty, folks, you’re in that not-winning-not-losing purgatory, but you’re still safe! That must be a relief!” she says.
“It really is, oh my gosh, now you can be my trusty sidekick for taking out Flora and everything!” says Chelsey, hugging Trey. “It’ll be an awesome dream team.”
“Okay, THAT’S IT!” Trey suddenly yells, showing emotion outside the confessional for the first time in a very, very long while. “Chelsey! You DOLT! I’m NOT going to be your sidekick, you’re supposed to be MINE! And I’m not actually gay, how did you believe that for so long?! It was just a ploy to get you onto my freaking side because everyone else hates me and I needed an alliance! I’m sick and tired of all your NONSENSE!”
“What?!” says Chelsey, her mouth hanging slightly ajar.
Chelsey is shown in the confessional, still with her mouth hanging open. “How?!”
Roz is then shown in the confessional. “...Wow, that was… juicy? Maybe? I dunno, man, I’m kinda uncomfortable, actually.”
“Oh, you are about to drop soooo far on the popularity polls,” says Chelsey. “Honey, you’ve got a BIG storm coming. You should’ve known better than to mess with me, tsk, tsk…”
“I don’t even care! You were able to save me for this long, and now I can get to the end without you, and, like… win and stuff!” says Trey vengefully.
“Um, yeah, good luck with that,” says Chelsey. “Honestly, I’d rather take a nude bath with Arthur right now than continue this conversation, so… Bye!” She then walks away.
Trey says in the confessional, “Okay, maybe I got… a little angry, but who cares about Chelsey? I don’t need her. With that imbecile Flora on my side, I’ll totally win it!”
Arthur and Julia are shown back with Chef, still not having kissed yet, and Arthur still seems to be Puber T. “Listen, have your lips grown yet?” he says.
“Ughhh, I never thought I’d say this, but just KISS ME already!” yells Julia.
There is a ringing noise that seems to be coming from Arthur’s brain, and he stares hypnotically at Julia. He suddenly flings the red underpants off his head (they land on Chef, unsurprisingly) and clears his throat. “It is time,” he says.
Arthur looks at Julia. Julia looks at Arthur. They begin to kiss, for (probably much longer than) ten seconds, and with a surprising amount of passion involved.
Julia says in the confessional, “That… wasn’t that bad, actually?! Whoa. I just imagined he was Zane, and it was sooo much better. Zane, honey, if you’re watching this, my couch is always open for you to crash on if you need something to do now that you’re g-g-gone…”
Arthur says in the confessional, while blushing, “Welp, my life is complete. Nothing left to do other than tighten my peanuts on the regular. I have achieved nirvana.”
“...Wait,” says Julia. “One of us is going to get eliminated. Oh GOD, I gotta--” She looks, and Arthur is already gone. “Crap.”
Julia and Arthur are then seen running to the finish line, neck and neck. Arthur seems to be far ahead, but Julia soon catches up to him due to his... subpar running skills. They get to the finish line, and as it switches to slow-motion…
...Arthur’s foot crosses directly before, and Julia lands right on top of him.
“Hey, guys!” says Roz. “Guess what? You’re--”
“HAW!” says Arthur. “Now, that kiss was very nice, but do you know what has warmed my bulbous little heart even more? The fact that I’ve beaten you! Now, all that shade you’ve thrown at me for beating me in Tiki will be no more, as I’ve caught up! Harharharhar!”
“UGH! I knew I shouldn’t have kissed you, you--” says Julia.
“As I was saying,” interrupts Roz. “Remember at the start when I said that the last to arrive would be eliminated? I said that BEFORE we announced the duos twist! So you know what that means?! You’re BOTH out!”
“Aw, fish innards!” says Arthur. Julia begins to cackle uncontrollably at the newly-stated twist.
The scene then changes to the elimination ceremony, where Arthur and Julia are getting ready to board the Boat of Losers with the other contestants watching.
“Farewell, Total Drama fools,” says Arthur. “Now I get to eat tons of carbohydrates and hang out with my buddies, so it’s not too much of a loss. I will miss you all, though. Well, except Matt, who I hope gets turned into a potato. Or an aubergine. That may be worse.”
“Arthur, I hope to never see you again…” says Trey. Chelsey shakes her head at him while wearing a furious expression.
“Yeah, I’m out,” says Julia. “Come ON, Arthur, let’s go.” She tugs Arthur’s ear, and he utters a brief “Ow!” and then follows Julia to the Boat of Losers.
“Well, that was a completely unrewarding experience,” says Julia on the boat. “A bunch of months of my life I’ll never get back. Ugh.”
“Do not worry, at least you have me to hang out with!” says Arthur. “Come on, you have to admit you enjoyed that kiss.”
“Okay, it wasn’t TOO bad. And to be honest, I despise you like 80% of the time now, as opposed to the 99.9% it was before we did this stupid show,” says Julia. “So I guess we can try to make a peace offering. But if you keep up your shenanigans, I’ll pummel you.”
“That is all I need,” says Arthur. “Should I do away with Puber T entirely? I think it is his time to go.”
Julia nods, and says, “Ya think?” as the boat drives off into the sunset.