Homosexual

Homosexual is the sixth episode of The SpongeBob and Viktor Orbán Show. It was released on June 1, 2022 and was written by .
== Transcript ==
[The episode opens with a shot of the Carmelite Monastery of Buda at night. A whole swarm of police cars, helicopters etc. etc. show up outside. One police officer steps out holding a megaphone.]
Police: Come out with your hands up! This is the Renőrség! We know you’re in there, SpongeBob!
[Cut to the inside of the building, where Viktor Orbán and SpongeBob are gathered around a table playing Monopoly.]
Orbán: Fuck yeah! Landed on ingyen parkolhatsz! Free parking!
SpongeBob: What’s that noise outside?
Orbán: I don’t know, probably just fans. I am incredibly sexy after all.
SpongeBob: True.
[SpongeBob and Viktor Orbán step outside and are greeted by the police. SpongeBob is put into handcuffs.]
SpongeBob: What the-
Police: SpongeBob SquarePants?
SpongeBob: Um… yeah?
Police: You are under arrest on suspicion of being homosexual.
Orbán: WHAT?! SpongeBob, is this true?
SpongeBob: Well, heh, I mean… not exactly. Besides, you can’t prove anything!
Police: Oh really?
[The police officer pulls out their phone and reads out SpongeBob’s latest tweet.]
Police: “Happy pride month to all my cuties out there! :rainbow-flag: :rainbow-flag: :rainbow-flag: Remember that you are loved no matter what. Live your life however you want and don’t let anyone stop you!”
[Pause.]
SpongeBob: Um… must have been a typo?
Police: (sighs) Take him away, boys.
[SpongeBob gets dragged off by the police screaming.]
SpongeBob: NOOOOO! NO! YOU CAN’T PROVE ANYTHING! I’M INNOCENT I SWEAR! VIKTOR WILL VOUCH FOR ME! WON’T YOU?
Orbán: I can’t believe I’ve been harboring a wanted criminal all this time…
[SpongeBob gets locked up in a police van, which drives off followed by an entire SWAT team. Cut to SpongeBob being pushed into an interrogation room.]
Police: Sit down, sir.
SpongeBob: Um… could I at least get a glass of water or something? 
Police: I SAID SIT DOWN!
[SpongeBob complies.]
Police: Mr. SquarePants, you are being accused of being a homosexual, correct?
SpongeBob: I refuse to confess to anything without my lawyer.
Police: Oh, of course sorry. (passes SpongeBob a phone) I’ll give you five minutes to get someone on the phone.
SpongeBob: I, heh, don’t have a lawyer.
Police: You understand Hungarian law forbids any form of homosexuality, right? You are being accused of being a homosexual, correct?
SpongeBob: Um… yeah?
Police: Well, are you?
[Pause.]
Police: Are you?
SpongeBob: Well… I mean I think SpongeBob is asexual, I think, but um you see officer… I’m not even SpongeBob.
Police: What do you mean?
SpongeBob: I… (sighs) there’s no other way to get out of this, huh?
Police: Not really.
SpongeBob: You see, I’m not SpongeBob. This entire time I’ve actually been…
[“SpongeBob” rips off his mask to reveal-]
James Corden: JAMES CORDEN BABY!
[James Corden is wearing a grey mouse onesie.]
Police: WHAT THE POKOL?
James Corden: (humping the table) LET’S GET LOUD! LET’S GET LOUD! TURN THE MUSIC UP AND HEAR THAT SOUND!
Police: …I- I don’t understand. If you’re not SpongeBob-
James Corden: Oh, the real SpongeBob is still back in Bikini Bottom I think. He lives with Daddy Pig now or something. Nice bloke Daddy Pig.
Police: So… you’re not gay?
James Corden: No… but I mean even if I were that wouldn’t be a problem, right?
[Pause.]
James Corden: Nevermind. You see, after creating such critically acclaimed hits like Cats, Smallfoot, Lesbian Vampire Killers (it’s a real film look it up) and Peter Rabbit 2: The Runaway… I, heh… became a wanted criminal so I pretended to SpongeBob and fled to Hungary.
Police: That makes perfect sense.
James Corden: I know, right? So am I free to go now?
[Cut to James Corden’s grave.]
Gyurcsány: I’m sorry, Viktor.
Orbán: Don’t worry about it. No offence to James Corden, but being James Corden is the worst offence one could commit! Also I hate you Gyurcsány.
Gyurcsány: Yeah, you tell me every day.
Orbán: I do.
[fin]
Category:2022
Category:2022 Transcripts
Category:2022 Episodes
Category:Episodes
Category:Transcripts
Category:Episode transcripts
Category:Thatjess
Category:Episodes written by Thatjess
Category:PI
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Category:2020s
Category:The SpongeBob and Viktor Orbán Show
Category:Blue Lobster Productions