The Pokémon GBA Cartridge

I’m bored. I live in a cheap, dirty apartment with no
electricity because I’m a poor, useless, waste-of-air college student who wipes
his behind with McDonald’s napkins, so how can I buy a video game console to
keep me busy with literally a quarter and a few nickels in my wallet? Goodwill,
obviously! I walked to Goodwill because I am a cheap piece of dumpster fire crap
who lives off of less than fifty cents and obviously cannot afford a car or a bike. I walked into Goodwill and found a
Gameboy Advance with Pokémon Fire Red inserted into the cartridge slot that
cost thirty-five cents. I bought the thing and took it to my apartment,
stopping to pick up a half-eaten decaying ham sandwich from a dumpster nearby.
I got home and put some old batteries I found on the ground into the Gameboy
Advance and played it. I played for however long the old, corroded batteries
would last. I got to a part where I was fighting a wild Squirtle with my
Charizard. Then, the Gameboy Advance began to shake and I dropped it. The
Charizard and Squirtle came out of the Gameboy Advance, I kid you not, they
freakin’ popped out of the console. The Charizard burned the Squirtle to a
charred skeleton. I’ll bury it, but I’m too freakin’ cheap to afford even the
twigs on the ground, much less a garden shovel. After the Charizard killed the
Squirtle, he jumped up into bed beside me and began to talk to me. “You know, when
I first saw you in person exactly 6.816234 seconds ago…” -the Charizard began
to blush and scoot closer to me- “You were the most handsome thing I ever saw.”
The Charizard licked his lips, which were almost touching
mine. I began to blush too. “So, do you want to… go with me down to Taco Bell
and get some tacos? I have a coupon!” The Charizard showed me the coupon, which
had magically appeared in his hand. I nodded, and went walked down the street,
break-dancing like we were playing Just Dance. We got tacos, which were better
than the moldy sandwiches I usually had and flat Pepsi. They were the best
tacos I had in a long time.