Kingdom of God

Kingdom of God is the eleventh episode of SpongeBob's Seventh Heaven.
==Synopsis==
SpongeBob and Tobias fight to become king of the basement.
==Synopsis==
Tobias: oh hello there bby
Gaming PC:
Tobias: its going to be a long night
SpongeBob: hey can I join
Tobias: WHY ARE YOU IN MY
SpongeBob: last i checked this isn't your basement this is where mummy pig does laundry
Tobias: ITS MY DUNGEON
(Walls covered in waifu posters)
SpongeBob: clearly
Tobias: CAN I HAVE ONE FUCKING ROOM OF SOLITUDE IN THIS HOUSE
Sandy: yeah there's this crazy place called the fireplace
SpongeBob: that's larry's room sandy
Sandy: oops
Tobias: HOW DID YOU EVEN GET IN
George: they're ghosts stupid they can fly through walls
Tobias: WELL HOW DID YOU GET IN?????
Unlocked door:
SpongeBob: dude you got a toaster in here do you know how rare those things are
George: NO DON'T PLUG THAT IN
Tobias: YOU ALREADY STOLE MY ACTUAL ROOM DON'T STEAL MY MAN CAVE
Sandy: what man cave last i checked youre a minor
Tobias: I AM 17.99999999 YEARS OLD
SpongeBob: still a minor
Tobias: I AM A MAJOR
Sandy: a major disappointment
Peppa: damn how is bro getting slandered in his own quarters 💀
Tobias: peppa help me out here
Peppa: wtf am i supposed to do
Tobias: SAVE YOUR BROTHER FROM GETTING HARASSED
Peppa: now why would i do that
SpongeBob: say this basement is pretty epic it's mine now
Tobias: THE FUCK ITS NOT
SpongeBob: you always knew it, that's all there is to it
Tobias: BRO YOU WANNA FIGHT BRO
Peppa: tobias you are not winning that shit 💀
Tobias: nah i'd win
SpongeBob: bro i could literally just possess you and walk off a bridge
Mr. Krabs: FELLERS CRACKHEAD ON CRACKHEAD VIOLENCE IS NOT THE ANSWER
Tobias: yeah you're right spongebob i'm sorry for threatening to kick your ass
Mr. Krabs: not without firearms
Tobias: WHAT
SpongeBob: *pulls out gun* man its a good thing squidward let me borrow this
Squidward: UH NO THE FUCK I DIDNT GIVE THAT BACK
George: why not settle this over something less extreme
SpongeBob: like a rap battle?
George: uhh sure if you want to
SpongeBob: give us a beat larry!
Larry: HOW
SpongeBob: IDK BASH YOUR SKULL AGAINST THE WALL OR SOMETHING
Discord: *ringing*
Tobias: sorry guys got to take this *answers* yo wassup
Caller: TOBIAS GET ON THE GAME WE ARE PLAYING DUOS
Tobias: ok in a minute *hangs up* SORRY FELLAS THE VICTORY ROYALE IS A-WAITING
SpongeBob: *unplugs pc* No.
Peppa: now why would you do that spongebob thats how minecraft worlds get deleted
Tobias: FINE WE WILL SETTLE THIS WITH A TOURNAMENT
SpongeBob: winner gets the basement
Tobias: agreed
SpongeBob: loser has to bunk with larry
Tobias: fuck no absolutely not
Larry: DON'T I GET A SAY IN THIS
SpongeBob: THIS IS THE ONLY WAY YOURE GETTING ANOTHER MAN IN YOUR BED STOP COMPLAINING
Larry: I'M NOT GAY
Squidward: if you ever imply the gays claim this sack of shit again
Sandy: has everybody here bullied larry at some point now
Peppa: mr krabs needs to
Tobias: fine i accept your terms spongebob
SpongeBob: BEST TWO OUT OF THREE WINS
=== Challenge 1: Survive a night with Jesus===
SpongeBob: what the fuck
Tobias: WHY WOULD YOU MAKE THIS THE CHALLENGE
SpongeBob: I DON'T CHOOSE THE CHALLENGES
Peppa: damn they both about to fail
Sandy: clear out your bed larry
Mr. Krabs: JUST PRETEND YOU'RE IN CHURCH LADDIES IT'LL ALL BE OKAY
SpongeBob: hmm pretend im in church AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Tobias: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Jesus: greetings my children welcome to OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE
SpongeBob: nah fuck this *shoots jesus* STOP SHOWING UP IN EVERY EPISODE
Tobias: YO DID YOU JUST FORFEIT
SpongeBob: no
Tobias: oh ok
George: wait so then who wins
SpongeBob: i win because i am handsome and epic
Tobias: but im a funny man!
Patrick: no you aint
WINNER: SPONGEBOB
=== Challenge 2: Burger King Eating Contest===
Tobias: is the author trying to kill us
SpongeBob: oh good thing im already dead then *inhales 27 whoppers*
Tobias: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO COMPETE WITH THAT
Peppa: YOU'RE A FORTNITE PLAYER JUST PRETEND YOU'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A SESH
Tobias: ok *throws keyboard at SpongeBob*
Peppa: not exactly what i meant but that works too
Tobias: woohoo now all i have to do is WHERE DID THE BURGERS GO???????
Gary: meow *burp*
Tobias: 
Fuck you. You useless piece of shit. You absolute waste of space and air. You uneducated, ignorant, idiotic dumb swine, you’re an absolute embarrassment to humanity and all life as a whole. The magnitude of your failure just now is so indescribably massive that one hundred years into the future your name will be used as moniker of evil for heretics. Even if all of humanity put together their collective intelligence there is no conceivable way they could have thought up a way to fuck up on the unimaginable scale you just did. When Jesus died for our sins, he must not have seen the sacrilegious act we just witnessed you performing, because if he did he would have forsaken humanity long ago so that your birth may have never become reality. After you die, your skeleton will be displayed in a museum after being scientifically researched so that all future generations may learn not to generate your bone structure, because every tiny detail anyone may have in common with you degrades them to a useless piece of trash and a burden to society. No wonder your father questioned whether or not your were truly his son, for you'd have to not be a waste of carbon matter for anyone to love you like a family member. Your birth made it so that mankind is worse of in every way you can possibly imagine, and you have made it so that society can never really recover into a state of organization. Everything has forever fallen into a bewildering chaos, through which unrecognizable core, you can only find misfortune. I would say the apocalypse is upon us but this is merely the closest word humans have for the sheer scale of horror that is now reality. You have forever condemned everyone you love and know into an eternal state of suffering, worse than any human concept of hell. You are such an unholy being, that if you step within a one hundred foot radius of a holy place or a place that has ever been deemed important by anyone, your distorted sac religious soul will ruin whatever meaning it ever had beyond repair. You are an idiotic, shiteating, dumbass ape and no one has ever loved you. Rhodes Island would have been better off if you'd never joined us. You are a lying, backstabbing, cowardly useless piece of shit and I hate you with every single part of my being. Even this worlds finest writers and poets from throughout the ages could never hope to accurately describe the scale on which you just fucked up, and how incredibly idiotic you are. Anyone that believes in any religion out there should now realize that they have been wrong this entire time, for if divine beings were real, they would never have allowed a being such as you to stain the earth and this universe. In the future there will be horror stories made about you, with the scariest part of them being that the reader has to realize that such an indescribable monster actually exists, and that the horrific events from the movie have actually taken place in the same world that they live in right now. You are the absolute embodiment of everything that has ever been wrong on this earth, yet you manage to make it so that that is only a small part of the evil that is your being. Never in the history of mankind has there been anyone that could have predicted such an eldrich abomination, but here you are. It’s hard to believe that I am seeing such an incredible failure with my own eyes, but here I am, so unfortunately I cannot deny your existence. Even if I did my very best, my vocabulary is not able to describe the sheer magnitude of the idiotic mistake that is you. Even if time travel some day will be invented, there still would not be a single soul willing to go back in time to before this moment to fix history, because having to witness such incredible horrors if they failed would have to many mental and physical drawbacks that not even the bravest soul in history would be willing to risk it. I cannot imagine the pure dread your mother must have felt when she had to carry a baby for nine months and then giving birth to such a wretched monster as you. Not a single word of the incoherent, illogical rambling you may be wanting to do to defend yourself or apologize would ever be able to make up for what you just did. The countries of the world would have wanted to make laws preventing such a terrible event like this from ever happening again, but sadly this is not possible since your horrific actions just now have shattered every form of order this world once had, making concepts such as laws irrelevant. Right from the moment I first set my eyes on you I knew you were an absolute abomination of everything that is wrong with humanity. I was hoping I would have been able to prevent your evil from being released upon this world by tagging along and keeping my eye on you, but it is clear to me now that not even the greatest efforts would have been able to prevent a terrible event in this scale from occurring. You are the worst human being, or even just being in general, that I have ever had the misfortune of witnessing. Events like the infected plague apparently only happened with the goal of teaching humanity to survive such a horrible event as the one you just created, but not even mankind’s greatest trials were able to even slightly prepare anyone for the insufferable evil you have just created. If you ever had them, your children would be preemptively killed to protect this universe from the possibility of anyone in your bloodline being even half as bad as you are, except you will never be able to have children, because not a single human being will ever want to come within a hundred mile radius of you and anything you have ever touched. You are a colossal disappointment not only to your parents, but to your ancestors and entire bloodline. The disgusting mistake that you have just made is so incredibly terrible that everyone who would ever be to hear about it would spontaneously feel an indescribable mixture of immense anger, fear and anxiety that emotionally and physically they would never truly be the same ever again. The sheer scale of your mistake, if ever to be materialized, would not only surpass the size of the world, but it would reach far beyond the edges of the known, and almost certainly the unknown universe. I could sit here and write paragraphs, nay, books describing your immense failure, yet even if I were to dedicate my life to describing the reality of what has just gone down here, and I would spend every moment of it until my heart stops beating working as hard and efficiently as possible, yet there is not even a snowballs chance in hell that I would be able to come close to transcribing the absolute shitshow you have just released upon the world. You are an irresponsible, idiotic, disgusting, unloved, horrible excuse for a living being who’s soul contains less humanity than every ginger in history combined. The absolute disgust I feel when thinking about anything that has even a slight resemblance to anything that might have to do with you and your unholy actions is so incredibly great that when I am honest about it I think that even I do not posses a consciousness great enough to comprehend my own feelings about it. When people of Columbia fought to break free from Lungmen, countless soldiers fought and lost their lives in favor of a chance at a better future for their children, they did not give their lives to have you fuck the world up beyond repair to the degree that you are doing right now. Honestly, even when technology advances and studies on the subject become more and more accurate, I do not think humanity will ever truly be able to understand what your failure actually means for the universe. My hate for you and everything you stand for is so much deeper than the depths of Shambala that you could probably take the entire Lungmen population down there and back up around twenty million times before you would have sunk to the end of my hate, and honestly, I do not want to exaggerate, but I think that that insult was low balling it such a massive amount that all mountains in this world combined would not be able to stack up to this imprecise judgement in light of the fact that when being honest, my hate is almost certainly bottomless. There is no one in this world that has ever loved you, and especially after what you just did, no one will ever love you in the future either. There is no hope that your idiotic behavior and especially your crooked soul will ever change for the better, and in fact quite the opposite might be true. By making the mistake that you just did, you have shown me that you are so incredibly hopeless that you will only devolve into a more idiotic and wretched creature than you already are. The only possible way in which your future would be brighter than the black hole your existence currently is would exclusively be because there is absolutely no conceivable way that you would even be able to sink lower than the pathetic place your current failure has put you in.
SpongeBob: also you are dumb as fuck im a ghost the keyboard went through me
(Tomfoolery.mp3)
WINNER: SPONGEBOB
=== Challenge 3: Dance Party===
Alex: why are we still going spongebob already won right?
SpongeBob: its about sending a message
Tobias: wha
SpongeBob: can you best my moves?
SpongeBob: *hits the griddy*
George: oh its so fucking over
Peppa: PUT THOSE 3000000000000000 HOURS LOCKED INTO FORTNITE TO WORK TOBIAS
Larry: 342 BILLION YEARS????
Tobias: guys i got it
SpongeBob: try your best pussy
Tobias:
Tobias: 
500px
SpongeBob: well shit
WINNER: TOBIAS
===Results===
Mr. Krabs: results 2-1 spongebob wins
Alex: WE ALREADY KNEW THAT WHY DID WE EVEN HOLD THAT LAST ROUND
Tobias: hi larry i guess we're sharing the fireplace now
Larry: make yourself comfy *lights fireplace*
Tobias: hey wait what's this *opens trapdoor* GUYS THERE'S A WHOLE NOTHER ROOM DOWN HERE
George: that's daddy pig's cheese cellar i wouldn't go in there
Tobias: FUCK YOU ALL I JUST FOUND MYSELF A NEW MAN CAVE *enters*
SpongeBob: hi tobias its a lovely saturday aint it
Tobias: GET OUT YOU HAVE THE ENTIRE BASEMENT TO YOURSELF
SpongeBob: yeah but then i found this room with unlimited cheese so why would i go back to the basement
Tobias: CAN I GO BACK
SpongeBob: no
the end
Category:Episodes
Category:SpongeBob's Seventh Heaven
Category:Sonicthehedgehog223
Category:Episodes written by Sonicthehedgehog223
Category:2024
Category:2024 Episodes