All These Things That I've Done

is the seventeenth episode of the sixth season and the 94th overall episode of Station 19.
==Short Summary==
It's election day at Station 19, with all eyes on the mayoral race. Andy, Theo and Sullivan vie to be named captain, and Vic forges an unexpected bond after going rogue.
This program contains subject matter related to mental health and suicide. Viewer discretion is advised.
==Full Summary==
Everyone works together to set up for election day.
Ben looks at his invitation to the firefighters' ball, where he'll be honored with a medal of valor. He puts it in his locker.
Peggy and Dayna thank a voter for doing their civic duty.
A reporter interviews Ross, who said that fire station are a safe haven for many, so she thought it would be good to designate one as a ballot drop-off location and information center. The reporter says that doesn't sound like someone who is resigning, which Ross says is because she has no plans to do so. Then she points out Andy, who is modeling the new female firefighter turnouts. Andy comments on how much better they fit. She asks when the rest of them come in. They've been begging for them for years. Ross says she's been saving discretionary money for a rainy day and it's pouring now.
Vic comments on Travis's fancy outfit. He's off to a voter event for Robel. She asks if Eli will be there. Travis doesn't think he'll see Eli. Vic wonders if he's just trying to get back on Eli's good side, but Travis says he's just trying to make sure Robel wins. He'll spend the day talking. Vic says he should do vocal warm-ups. He says he won't. As Travis leaves, Theo says Beckett just go back and he's calling in sick. Vic asks if he said when he was coming back. He didn't and Theo didn't ask. Vic asks if he's quitting. Theo asks why he would do that. Vic recalls Beckett's odd behavior on the last shift, then gets up and says she has to leave to do a peer review with Diane that she forgot about. He says he lets her dedicate time for her classes and the Crisis One expansion. She brushes off his comment and leaves.
Carina finds Ben, who is helping out with election day, just like her. And just like Peggy and Dayna, who are her responsibility. Carina says they're volunteers and there are full-time staff out there supervising, so they can't get into that much trouble. They watch through the window as an election worker yells at Peggy and Dayna for covering a child with stickers, saying it's one sticker per voter, meaning over 18. Peggy says they're nurturing future voters. Carina says she loves them. She tells Ben that Maya told her about the medal of valor. It's a big deal. He says it isn't. They all save lives every day. He saved one person and barely did that. Then he changes the conversation to Maya and Carina. Carina says living with Maya started to feel like living with her father and she can't do that anymore. Ben thinks Maya's changed. She's seeing Diane regularly. Carina says she's not a box to tick off or a prize to be won. She needs to make sure Maya's priorities have evolved before she moves back in, so she knows Maya won't hurt herself again when things don't go her way. She needs proof she hasn't gone back to her old ways. Ben says she hasn't so far, which deserves acknowledgement. Carina says so does saving someone's life.
Jack is pleased to see Marsha at the station. She's there to drop off her ballot and hoped to see him. She knows he's anxious. He says he took half his shift off to meet one of his new siblings. Marsha reminds him that things are going well with Brooke, but he says there are a lot of ways they can't related to each other because of how they were raised. Marsha says it would be great for him to have a sibling who understand what he went through, but this is what he's got. Marsha, Lila, and Cal are the closet thing to a real family Jack has ever had. Hanging out with Brooke just makes him miss them more. And Cal doesn't even remember who he is. Marsha says he's had a tough time, but he needs to give them a chance to show him they can add to the family he already has. Ross calls 19 to the beanery to talk to them.
Jack wonders what the dress code for the ball is. Maya hopes it's just their class A uniforms and Andy asks if she doesn't want to show off a shoulder. Ben comes in and they all congratulate him. Then Ross comes in after him and says she has to choose a permanent captain now that Beckett has stepped down. She asks any lieutenants who'd like to be considered step forward. Theo immediately stands up. Then Andy steps forward, then Sullivan. She says she'll take them into consideration and make a decision.
Andy tells Theo that her stepping forward was nothing personal against him, because he's been doing well as captain. He says he expected her to do it and they're good. It's between the two of them because there's no way Ross would be bold enough to promote Sullivan twice. But he won't just hand it to her. She says she's going to earn it. Theo says he worked hard to repair the mess Beckett made. She did the same at 23, but he reminds her that 23 got shut down. The team gets called out.
Vic arrives at Beckett's and looks around. He asks if she's breaking into his house. She says she's there to do a peer-to-peer check-in. It's something she and Diane are starting. She wants to make sure he's adjusting back to his everyday life. He says he's fine. She says he called in sick. He says he needed a day to get things in order. He finds an air fryer. He wants to donate it to the station, but then decides to take it to the shelter. He thanks her for checking in and tries to brush her off. She says she's there to help him navigate and has to do the full check-in.
The team arrives at Top Splash Car Wash, where Cody tells them he came back from his break and saw the car stuck inside. Theo asks if he can shut it down, but he doesn't know. He doesn't know if there's a manual or a map anywhere. Theo sends Jack and Maya to shut off the utilities and has Andy and Sullivan stand by to rescue, but says not to go in until the power is off. Andy says they should get in to assess the injured first and defies Theo to do that. Sullivan comments that she's playing captain already. Theo sends him in after her.
Andy introduces herself to Matt and Laura. Laura hit her head and is bleeding. She's also mad because she believes Matt's cheating on her. He says he isn't. Andy radios out with their status, but he repeats that he won't send anyone in until the power is off. Sullivan says Theo is pulling rank and asks Andy what she's doing next. Andy says the car is wedged in so they should get the rear window off while they wait. Then she says that Theo prioritizes team safety because he lost someone when he was last captain. Sullivan says he and Andy don't do that because they can see the whole picture. Andy is sure Ross won't make him captain. He says a little ruthlessness can go a long way, but she says she's just honest, which is something he could work on.
Vic asks if Beckett has the tools he needs to adjust to everyday life. He says the union gave him plenty of resources. Vic continues to question him, but he doesn't like that she sounds like she's coming out of a textbook. She spots a trophy nearby and asks him about it. She finds several other trophies in the trash. He tells her the Evergreen Strikers are a team from his first station. They nicknamed him the Kingpin. Vic says he can't throw the trophies out and asks if he ever reaches out to the people from the team. He tells her that half of them are dead. He asks her again to leave. She says she could call Diane and have her finish the assessment instead. Beckett asks what the next question is.
Eli directs a voter. Travis tries to talk to him about how hectic things are, but he has to go pick up more voters. Travis wants him to talk to Robel about securing Ross's job, but Eli says it's too late for that because Travis dropped out. He leaves. Ross asks if Eli's still mad and Travis says he is. He apologizes to Ross because she endorsed him. She says he represented the department well and dropping out doesn't change the fact that he made an impact. They spot the Dixons walking in and Travis leaves. Ben asks if he can help them. Kitty need a replacement ballot. Dixon's just there to make sure everything's running fairly. Kitty recognizes Ben, but thinks they went to high school together.
Maya tells Theo they cut the power and he sends in two more people to help. Cody brings out a binder with the information he asked for. He finds a room that wasn't on the map he had. He asks if Cody's boss ever mentioned a backup power source, but Cody doesn't know anything.
Inside, Laura fights Matt. Her speech is starting to slur. Theo tells them to hold off on extraction, but they've already removed the back windshield. Andy doesn't want to wait because of Laura's injury and status. Theo wants to make sure the scene is secure first. Andy says she'll keep him updated on Laura's status. Laura asks Matt where he goes in the mornings, but mixes up her words. Sullivan says they need to act now. Andy tells Theo they're starting extrication, over his orders.
Vic puts on a record. She's surprised Beckett's giving it away. Her dad used to play that record for her when she was growing up. She starts to sing along, but he turns it off. It's the only thing his ex-wife left him in the divorce. He tells Vic to go. She says they haven't finished the assessment and he tells her just to ask what she came there to ask. She asks if he called in sick because he planned to kill himself.
Ross poses for a photo with Dixon, who asks her what she was thinking going to the union herself. She says she didn't want to let a guy like him decide her fate for her. She's sure he won't win. He says if he wins, she's out and Crisis One is done. If Robel wins, she's probably still out because he won't keep her around. She says if he wins and she's gone, that make her a civilian again. She reveals that she has dirt on him just like he had on her.
Travis brings Eli his favorite bagels, but he's not interested. Travis knows Eli hates him, but wants him to find it in his heart to save Ross. Crisis One might not survive without her. Eli says the election is so much bigger than that. Dixon could actually end up mayor.
Vic texts Theo, who is upset with her, saying it's taking longer than she thought. Beckett tells her not to rat him out to Diane and she says she wasn't. She tells him there's nothing wrong with asking for help. More of them die by suicide than in the line of duty. The things they see take a toll on them. He knows all of this. She asks him to let her finish the assessment. They fight over a box and a basketball rolls out. She admits that she made up the peer-to-peer assessment because she was worried about him and she was right to do it. He says he could report her. She asks if he plays. He says it's been a while. He says they can play H.O.R.S.E. and if he wins, she leaves. She agrees if he agrees to answer a question every time she scores.
Ben checks on Ross, who says it's nothing she can't handle. She congratulates him on his award. He wants to talk to her about that. He can't accept it. He doesn't deserve the award for a call where he lost a life. She tells him he needs to celebrate the wins when they come. He starts to tell her about Milo, but Reggie Paulson interrupts. He wanted to introduce his wife, Kathy, to the man who saved his life. He's doing well and is not letting life pass him by anymore. Kathy thanks Ben as well. They finally went on that trip to Italy. Reggie hands Ben a gift bag. He can never repay Ben for what he did, but this is a small token. He saved Reggie's life. Ross tells Ben to take the wins.
As Laura is pulled out of the car, she is still arguing with Matt, though she doesn't make sense. Matt says he's sorry and he'll see her at the hospital. He tells Andy that they were doing errands like they do every week and she asked for a divorce. He was so shocked that he hit the gas, which is how they got trapped. He starts to pull himself out of the car as the car wash turns back on. A beam hits him in the shoulder and traps him. Andy calls for backup and Maya comes in. She tries to help them but gets pulled against a scrubber herself and is spun around.
Jack says he's turning the generator off. Maya stops spinning as he does. Sullivan and Andy move the beam and Jack helps them get Matt out.
Vic and Beckett play their game.
Jack frees Maya.
Matt is pulls out of the car and put on a gurney. They wheel him out and Jack helps Maya walk out.
Beckett says rehab was great except people kept talking about their worst days. It was depressing. She asks if he ever talked about his. He tries to change the subject to her and Theo.
Carina tells Ross that Grey Sloan will donate medical supplies, but she'd like to start paying the volunteers a stipend because she can't always be there. Ross says she'll work it into the budget. Ben comes downstairs and says that Ross has the proof that Carina was looking for that Maya had changed. Ross tells her that Maya passed up the opportunity to be in the running for captain. Carina doesn't believe it because Maya wants to be captain more than anything. Ben says there's something she wants more. They're interrupted by Dayna calling for help. She and Peggy are helping Kelsey and Javi, who are injured. Carina looks at Javi, who knocked out a tooth. Peggy and Dayna go to look for it so it can be replaced. They were racing each other to drop off their ballots, but they crashed into each other on their scooters. Javi's knee is also injured. Ross assesses the injury and says it's dislocated. Carina suggests moving them into reception.
Jack checks on Maya, who's taking a drink. He asks if she's doing okay because she looks terrible. She says she was cleared, so she's fine. He's surprised she didn't put herself forward for captain. She doesn't want to be the epicenter of drama anymore. He says he'd like to stop spiraling every time he meets a new sibling. Things are good with Brooke, but now she wants him to meet another sister. He wants to bail. Maya tells him to show up just in case he meets someone who might matter to him someday. He's been through a lot and this is nothing. He just has to be there. She points out Sullivan, Andy, and Theo, who are bickering, and says it feels good not to be involved in that. Jack finds it funny, but not as funny as her versus the scrubber.
Theo asks what's taking so long getting Matt to the hospital. Matt wants them to give him a sling so he can go check on his wife. He says he's not cheating. He lost his job and couldn't tell her. Sullivan says sometimes lies blow up and destroy everything, so it's better to face things. We owe people the decency of not lying to their faces. Matt vows to tell Laura the truth.
Ross explains what she's doing to Javi. They all talk about how dangerous scooters can be. Ross reassures Javi. Kelsey knows they shouldn't have been going so fast, but they were so excited to vote for the first time. They wanted to leave tracks like Ruth Bader Ginsberg said to. They want to leave the world better. Ross is grateful for them. Javi doesn't understand why everyone isn't racing to vote. Ross reduces the knee dislocation. She gives Javi one of her pins. Dayna and Peggy run in with the lost tooth.
Beckett wins the game and tells Vic it's time for her to go. She says they're not done yet, but he says they had a deal. Vic asks him about his worst day. She tells him about an unhoused person living in his car down the street from the station. They went to check on him during a blizzard and found him frozen to death in his back seat. The worst part was the hospital couldn't declare him dead until he thawed out. She had nightmares for months. For him it's the quiet ones. When it's a big call, they expect damage. He once went on a call where neighbors smelled gas. They arrived to find a woman dead on the couch. She'd shoved a sheet under the door to her kids' room because she wanted to kill herself, but not her kids. They found the kids dead in their beds. He can't even drive down that road anymore. He asks if this is where he's supposed to feel better. Vic says eventually, but you have to sit in the pain. He doesn't want to do that. If he wanted pain, he could go back to rehab. He says he had a plan and he felt better. He felt relief. He asks why she's still there and she tells him she's not leaving. He starts sobbing and sits up against his truck.
The team gets back to the station. Theo asks if anyone's heard from Vic, but no one has. Andy asks if it isn't his job as captain to know where his team is. She would. Theo expects his team to follow orders. Andy says she called Grey Sloan. Laura had a brain bleed. She could have died if they waited. Theo says both she and Vic should be written up. It was chaos and if Maya had gotten hurt, it would have been on her. Maya insists she's fine. Theo, Sullivan, and Andy start bickering until Ross breaks it up. Not one of them is acting like a captain. She thought she'd decided, but now she's not sure. Once she's gone, Theo tells Maya to take the rest of the shift off.
Carina waits for Maya. When Maya comes out of the shower, she tells Carina she's going home. Carina knows and she's coming with Maya. Maya turned down the opportunity to become captain. Maya confirms that she is. Carina says she's coming home and Maya asks if she means for good. Carina confirms that she does. She tells Maya to put on some clothes so she can take them off her at home.
Andy is watching the news when Sullivan comes in. The mayoral race is close. Andy mutes it and talks to Sullivan about his comments on lying. He says it was his way of apologizing for lying to her. He knows her parents lied to her her whole life and he lied to her about Ross. Lying is a trigger for her and he's sorry. She accepts his apology. They've come a long way. He thinks they've traded places and she's the ruthless one now. The good times are few and far between with him and Ross and he wonders if they're wasting their time. The early part of a relationship is supposed to be easy, like with them. Andy says not to romanticize what they had. He shouldn't run away from the love he has now. She sees an election update and calls everyone in. The TV reporter announces the race has been called for Robel. They all congratulate Travis.
Travis is cleaning his shirt in the bathroom when Eli comes in. He's happy that Robel won, but tells Travis it's no thanks to him. He's the most compelling person Eli's ever met, but it's all an act. Travis pretends to have lost his voice. They lean in and start kissing.
Vic waits with Beckett, who is going to go back and finish the program. He says his union rep will be there every minute, so she can leave. She says she'll wait. She hugs him, but he can't hug her back.
Jack and Brooke walk into Joe's. She says she has a surprise for him and signs to someone that it's him. He looks over to see a woman. After a moment, he realizes it's Lila. He goes to her and they hug.
Beckett gets in the car with his union rep. Vic watches them go, then goes back to her car, where she starts crying.
Maya and Carina go home together. After unlocking the door, Maya carries Carina over the threshold. They start kissing.
The rest of the team celebrates Robel's win.
If you or someone you know needs support now, call or text* 988 or chat www.988lifeline.org to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
*MSG & Data rates may apply
==Cast==
===Main Cast===
*Jaina Lee Ortiz as Lieutenant Andy Herrera
*Jason George as Dr. Ben Warren
*Boris Kodjoe as Lieutenant Robert Sullivan
*Grey Damon as Jack Gibson
*Barrett Doss as Victoria Hughes
*Jay Hayden as Travis Montgomery
*Danielle Savre as Lieutenant Maya Bishop
*Stefania Spampinato as Dr. Carina DeLuca
*Carlos Miranda as Lieutenant Theo Ruiz
*Josh Randall as Captain Sean Beckett
*Merle Dandridge as Fire Chief Natasha Ross
*Pat Healy as Michael Dixon
===Guest Stars===
*Rob Heaps as Eli Stern
*Tricia O'Kelley as Kitty Dixon
*Jayne Taini as Marsha Smith
*Nina Millin as Dayna Rutledge
*Annie Sertich as Peggy Knox
*Joel McKinnon Miller as Reggie Paulson
*Robert Gant as Matt
*Amanda Wyss as Laura
*Anna Daines as Brooke Hill
*Taia Sophia as Kelsey
*Amelia Hensley as Lila
===Co-Starring===
*Andrew Lutheran as Cody
*Christian Zamudio as Javi
*Jennifer Shelton as Reporter
*Lyman Chen as TV Reporter
*Susan Pingleton as Election Worker
*Danni Catanese as Kathy
==Rescues==
===Car Wash===
Station 19 was called out to Homestead Road. They arrive to find a car stuck inside a malfunctioning car wash. The worker told them he didn't know how to shut it off or if there was even a way to do so. Theo had Maya and Jack cut the utilities to the car wash and told Andy and Sullivan to stand by to rescue the passengers of the car, but said he didn't want anyone going inside until the power had been shut off. Andy objected, saying they should check on them at least and ran in to do so. Sullivan followed on Theo's orders. Inside were Matt and his wife, Laura. Laura had a head injury and was bleeding. Andy said they needed to get her out, but Theo said he wouldn't send anyone else in until the power was shut off. Andy and Sullivan began working on removing the rear window. Once the power was cut, Theo sent two more people in, but then he learned there might be backup power, so he said to keep waiting. Inside, Laura's speech started slurring, so Andy and Sullivan started extrication against Theo's orders. They got Laura out of the car and onto a gurney, then started to focus on Matt. Matt tried to climb out as the power came back on and a steel bar fell on his shoulder. Maya came in to help them get him out, but got caught on a scrubber herself and was spun around. Jack found and turned off the generator. Then they got the bar off Matt and got him out of the car and onto a gurney while Jack freed Maya and helped her walk out. Matt was taken to the hospital and Maya was cleared on site.
===Kelsey and Javi===
Kelsey and Javi were injured when they were racing to the station on scooters and crashed into each other. Javi had lost a tooth. Peggy and Dayna went to look for it while Carina, Ross, and Ben examined Kelsey and Javi. Javi also had a dislocated knee, which Ross reduced at the station while Carina cleaned up Kelsey's cuts. Peggy and Dayna also located Javi's missing tooth.
==Music==
Song 	Performer 	Scene
"Go Go Go" 	Jaded 	
*Everyone sets up for voting at the station.
*Ben gets an invitation to the firefighters' ball.
*Peggy and Dayna help out.
*Ross talks to a reporter.
*Andy poses in her new turnouts.
*Travis is dressed up for an event.
"Reasons" 	Earth, Wind & Fire	
*Vic puts on a record in Beckett's garage.
*She and Beckett talk and he turns the music off.
"I Wish It Was Me"	Obongjayar 	
*The firefighters work to get Matt out.
*Beckett and Vic play basketball and talk.
*Jack frees Maya.
*Beckett talks about quitting his program.
"Let It Go By" 	Fiora 	
*Travis and Eli kiss.
*Beckett and Vic wait together for his union rep.
*They hug.
*Jack and Brooke enter Joe's.
*She surprises him with Lila.
*Beckett goes back to rehab.
*Vic cries in her car.
*Maya and Carina go home together.
*The team celebrates Robel's win.
"Reasons" - Earth, Wind & Fire
"I Wish It Was Me" - Obongjayar
"Let It Go By" - Fiora
==Notes and Trivia==
*This episode's title originated from the song , originally sung by The Killers.
*This episode scored 3.51 million viewers.https://showbuzzdaily.com/articles/showbuzzdailys-thursday-5-11-2023-top-150-cable-originals-network-finals.html
==Gallery==
===Episode Stills===
S196x17-1.jpg
S196x17-2.jpg
S196x17-3.jpg
S196x17-4.jpg
S196x17-5.jpg
S196x17-6.jpg
S196x17-7.jpg
S196x17-8.jpg
S196x17-9.jpg
S196x17-10.jpg
S196x17-11.jpg
S196x17-12.jpg
S196x17-13.jpg
S196x17-14.jpg
S196x17-15.jpg
S196x17-16.jpg
S196x17-17.jpg
S196x17-18.jpg
S196x17-19.jpg
S196x17-20.jpg
S196x17-21.jpg
S196x17-22.jpg
S196x17-23.jpg
S196x17-24.jpg
S196x17-25.jpg
S196x17-26.jpg
S196x17-27.jpg
S196x17-28.jpg
S196x17-29.jpg
S196x17-30.jpg
S196x17-31.jpg
S196x17-32.jpg
S196x17-33.jpg
S196x17-34.jpg
S196x17-35.jpg
S196x17-36.jpg
S196x17-37.jpg
===Behind the Scenes===
S196x17BTS1.jpg
S196x17BTS2.jpg
S196x17BTS3.jpg
==Quotes==
==See Also==
de:Aufarbeitung
Category:All Episodes
Category:S19 Episodes
Category:S19 S6 Episodes