Everybody Loves Hoops/transcript

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== Transcript ==
Episode Aired: November 25, 2023
Episode Copyrighted: 2023
This episode is rated TV-Y7.
The episode opens with a shot of SpongeBob's house. A show called "The Kelpbed Kids" is on his TV.
Announcer: And now back to "The Kelpbed Kids."
Lincoln Loud: "The Kelpbed Kids" are *jumps* awesome!
SpongeBob SquarePants: And hilarious!
Yellow Rectangle: High four!
They high-fives Patrick and Red, but they miss and hit each other's foreheads. They laugh. On the show, a kid named Ajax is laughing, and they sit on TV to watch.
Ajax McGee: *cackles*
Yellow Rectangle: Wonder why it's in black and white.
Red Rectangle: It's a *makes OK hand sign* "artistical" choice.
On TV, Ajax has tied up the Kelpbed Kids in a clubhouse.
Ajax McGee: All right, Kelpbed Kids. Youse gonna spill the *pokes Puffy's mouth* beans about where you hide *makes grabby hand motions* all your candy *points to ground* in this here clubhouse or else!
Snappy: Nuts to you, Ajax!
Puffy: We'll never tell you that it's in the cabinet!
Other Kelpbed Kids: *groans*
Puffy: Oh. Sorry, gang.
Other Kelpbed Kids: *grumbles*
Lincoln Loud: Hey, guys, don't the Kelpbed Kids kinda look like people we know?
Patrick's left pupil falls. He picks it off his eyeball with his finger.
Patrick Star: I don't know any people we know. *spits on pupil, wipes it with a cloth, and sticks it back* Hmm. Eee!
Ajax McGee: Oh-ho-ho-ho. The cabinet, you say. Aha!
He opens the cabinet to find Hoops has already eaten the bag of candy.
Other Kelpbed Kids and Ajax: Hoops?
Hoops: *belches* Hiya, Ajax.
Lincoln Loud: It's Hoops! Ashley would come!
It's Ashley wearing a propeller hat on her head and a Hoops shirt.
Ashley Roberts (with propeller hat and Hoops shirt): *opens the door and enters SpongeBob's house, excited* Did you say Hoops?! *closes the door, then runs to the couch* Guys, I'm so excited! Hoops is our friend!
Ajax McGee: *grabs bag and shakes it* It's empty. *throws it and cracks fingers* I'm gonna give everyone here and their old man a knuckle *pounds fists* sandwich.
GrandPat Star: Oh boy! With cheese?
Ajax McGee: *puts cheese slice on my fist, threateningly* With cheese.
GrandPat Star: *bites the cheese*
Hoops: Oh, no you don't, you dizzy ding dong! *throws a hoop* Hwah!
Ajax McGee: *looks at a hoop* Huh? Whuh?
The hoop lands around Ajax and stops spinning.
Ajax McGee: *laughs*
Hoops: *presses a button on a remote, tightening the hoop around Ajax's body.
He struggles to get out.
Ajax McGee: Hey, what gives? Let me go! *falls on my back*
Hoops: You just got hooped! *takes out scissors and cuts the Kelpbed Kids free*
Other Kelpbed Kids: *cheers* Hoops, Hoops, Hoops, Hoops!
SpongeBob, Patrick, Yellow, Red Rectangle, Lincoln and Ashley Roberts (with propeller hat and Hoops shirt): *cheers* Hoops, Hoops, Hoops, Hoops!
SpongeBob SquarePants: That settles it. Hoops is our favorite Kelpbed Kid. Let's get out our official Hoops hoops *points backwards* that I bought on eBay.
Patrick Star: *takes out 2 red hoops, 2 yellow hoops and a green hoop from my pants, then shakes it to show a blue one as well* Way ahead of ya, pally. *gives SpongeBob the red hoop, then gives Red the green hoop, then gives Yellow the red hoop, then gives Lincoln and Ashley 2 yellow hoops*
He puts it around his body.
Patrick Star: Hey, mine shrunk!
The hoop is too tight for him.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, no, Patrick. It's adjustable. *presses a button to make my hoop square* Who says a hoop has to be round? *spins it*
Patrick Star: Oh, yeah. There's a relaxed-fit button. *presses it to expand the hoop* Ah.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Yellow, Red Rectangle, Lincoln Loud and Ashley Roberts (with propeller hat and Hoops shirt): *spins our hoops*
Patrick Star: *goes around in my eyes* Someone wrote all over my hula hoop.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *goes in to see*
The text "Hoops, 17 Main St., Bikini Bottom, 10776" is written on it.]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey, there's an address printed on here! *checks my own hoop* And it's in Bikini Bottom!
Ashley Roberts (with propeller hat and Hoops shirt): *grabs Patrick and backs up* Do you think it's where Hoops lives? Could we? *smiles* Should we?
Patrick Star: *points* Ring his doorbell and run away?
Ashley Roberts (with propeller hat and Hoops shirt): No.
Patrick Star: *holds up live-action toilet paper* Toilet-paper his house?
Ashley Roberts (with propeller hat and Hoops shirt): No.
Patrick Star: *holds up live-action coffee cup* Switch out his regular for decaf?
Ashley Roberts (with propeller hat and Hoops shirt): No. We can meet him!
Patrick Star: Gotcha. We can meet him, *takes out toilet paper* then toilet-paper his house. He's gonna need it after the coffee.
The toilet flushes.
Slide transition cuts to the Loud House.
Rita Loud: So, how was school?
Leni Loud: Totes great, I got a big surprise, Gavin just told me that he will start his business soon at the Royal Woods mall. I can't wait to meet Hoops with my brother Lincoln and my friends SpongeBob, Patrick, Yellow, Red and Ashley.
Luna Loud: Sam and I got a gig for the Moon Goats to play at Gus'
Luan Loud: Old Man Walker is Hoops.
The younger siblings were also chatting, except for Lynn who was grumpy.
Lynn Loud Sr.: Um Lynn honey, is everything okay?
Lynn Loud Jr.: No, it's not okay, I've been taunted...again.
Leni Loud: Who's taunting you again?
Lola Loud: Please don't tell me it's Hoops, Why can't Old Man Walker just shut up about the Emu legs?
Lynn Loud Jr.: I'm talking about a basketball tournament.
Lynn Loud Sr.: *spits my food out in shock, to Lynn, surprised* No way, are you seriously doing this honey?
Lynn Loud Jr.: Yes Dad, I'm going to make the 8th grade basketball tournament a better place and group for everybody. Like we need to encourage at least very few 6th graders to join up with sports related activities, or get them involved with other sport clubs or perhaps tone down the bullying.
Rita Loud: *to Lynn* Well I appreciate your honesty and speech honey but...
Lynn Loud Jr.: I'm not finished yet Mom. I will practice in a basketball tournament.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Yellow, Red Rectangle, Lincoln Loud and Ashley Roberts: *opens the door*
Yellow Rectangle: Let's go see Hoops, Leni.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Yellow, Red Rectangle, Lincoln Loud and Ashley Roberts: *grabs Leni*
Slide transition cuts to Yellow reading a map and walking on the street with SpongeBob, Patrick, Red, Lincoln, Leni and Ashley.
Yellow Rectangle: This is it-- where Hoops lives!
They see a dirty-looking house.
Red Rectangle: It's a palace!
SpongeBob SquarePants: *walks to the front door to knock*
He gets nervous and tugs his collar. He tries to knock, and his hand gulps.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *quietly* I'm too nervous to knock. We don't really know him. What if he's one of those suffering artist types? Who are into witchcraft?
Ashley Roberts: Or what if he's a cannibal and wants to eat us?
Patrick Star: What cannibal?
Lincoln Loud: *grabs Patrick* What if he's a cannibal and doesn't want to eat us?
Patrick Star: *grabs Lincoln* We couldn't live with the shame!
The doorknob starts rattling.
Patrick Star: Oh, shh!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Yellow, Red Rectangle, Lincoln, Leni Loud and Ashley Roberts: Run!
They hide at the side of the house. The door opens.
Old Man Walker: *comes out*
Yellow Rectangle: Old Man Walker? What's he doing in Hoops' house?
Lincoln Loud: *checks map* Maybe we got the wrong house.
Old Man Walker: *closes mailbox, sadly* Ohh.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh. He's sad that he got no mail.
Patrick Star: *chews mail* That's 'cause I got it.
Lincoln Loud: *takes letter out of Patrick's mouth* It's addressed to Hoops. *puts it back* This is the right place. *runs to the window* Whoa!
Shot of inside the house.
Lincoln Loud: The whole house is filled with "Kelpbed Kid" stuff.
SpongeBob, Patrick, Yellow, Red, Leni and Ashley are in the house, wearing Hoops' propeller caps.
Leni Loud: It's totes just like being in the show!
Ashley Roberts: Come on in!
Lincoln Loud: *appears behind SpongeBob, Patrick, Yellow, Red, Leni and Ashley* Don't mind if I do.
A green hoop gets thrown and traps them.
Red Rectangle: What's happening?
Thunderous footsteps are heard.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Yellow, Red Rectangle, Lincoln, Leni Loud and Ashley Roberts: *shivers*
Old Man Walker's tennis ball walker is shown approaching. He snarls and turns on the lights.
Leni Loud: *gasps* Is that Hoops?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Uh, no. It's Old Man Walker again. Remember? *points to Patrick’s mouth* From the mailbox?
Patrick Star: *spits out letter* Oh, yeah.
Old Man Walker: Hooligans! Swindlers! *swings walker* Letter looters!
SpongeBob SquarePants: *cries* Oh, we didn't mean any harm! We just wanted to meet Hoops! We're fans!
Patrick Star: *shouts* WE LOVE HOOPS!
Ashley Roberts: *shouts* WE'RE THE BEST HOOPS FANS!
Old Man Walker: Huh? Hoops? *puts walker down* Why didn't you say so? *approaches and presses a button to loosen the green hoop* I'm Hoops!
SpongeBob SquarePants and Patrick Star: *laughs*
Ashley Roberts: Okay, old man.
Lincoln Loud: Uh, I hate to break it to you, *gestures* but Hoops is a little kid.
Old Man Walker: Yup, I was Hoops when I was a little kid, *waves hand* many years ago.
Patrick Star: *leans in my face* You're telling me there have been many years? I don't believe it.
Red Rectangle: Yeah, many years ago.
Old Man Walker: *sadly* Yes, it was in the past.
Yellow Rectangle: I think you're trying to *snaps fingers* "past" one over on us. *rimshots*
Red Rectangle: "Past" one over. *laughs and high fives Yellow*
Leni Loud: I don't get it.
Old Man Walker: Huh? What are you, a couple of dizzy ding dongs?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey, he said Hoops' catchphrase. *makes "cuckoo" hand symbol* "Ya dizzy ding dongs." *blinks and duck quacks*
A split-screen shows Hoops and Old Man Walker side-by-side.
Hoops: Ya dizzy ding dongs! *split-screen closes*
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Yellow, Red Rectangle, Lincoln, Leni Loud and Ashley Roberts: *gasps*
SpongeBob SquarePants: *squeals and shrinks then grows*
Lincoln Loud: Guys, Old Man Walker is Hoops! He just kinda... sorta... decayed. *cringes and finger droops*
A gross close-up of Old Man Walker's face is shown. The right part of his mouth falls off.
Patrick Star: *gasps* Hoops! We love you! *hugs Old Man Walker*
Ashley Roberts: Hoops, we love you so much!
Old Man Walker: Oh! *shouts* You're breaking my bones!
Patrick Star: *puts him down with a bent spine* Hey, he's got a new catchphrase!
Old Man Walker: *straightens my back*
Metallic clanking is heard outside the house, to everyone's surprise.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Yellow, Red Rectangle, Lincoln, Leni Loud and Ashley Roberts: Huh?
SpongeBob SquarePants: What was that?
Old Man Walker: *grabs chest, heart beats* Was that my heart?
Yellow Rectangle: Uh, no, it was *points* outside.
Old Man Walker: Huh? *panics* My heart's outside? Oh, not again.
They step outside, where the house is being egged by Ajax riding a tank.
Ajax McGee: *laughs*
Old Man Walker: *gets hit by an egg* Aah!
SpongeBob SquarePants: *gets hit by an egg* Yow!
Yellow, Red Rectangle, Lincoln, Leni Loud and Ashley Roberts: *gets hit by an egg* Gah!
Patrick Star: *gets hit by an egg* Yum! *runs around and catches the eggs in my mouth*
Old Man Walker: *wipes eggs off my face* Dagnabbit, it's that ruffian, Ajax McGee!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Ajax? *points* Isn't he the mean kid in the Kelpbed Kids show?
A split-screen shows kid Ajax and older Ajax side-by-side.
Old Man Walker: He was. Now he's the mean adult at Shady Shoals Retirement Home.
Chicken clucks.
Old Man Walker: *gets hit by an egg* Oh!
Ajax McGee: That's what you get for being a *points* Kelpbed Kid, *leans forward* Hoops the Poops! *cackles and drives off*
Patrick Star: *swallows an egg and laughs* Hoops the Poops. Classic.
Old Man Walker: *takes an egg off my head*
Red Rectangle: Hey, I just had an idea. Revenge! *rubs hands together* Let's get back at Ajax, like in one of your episodes.
Patrick Star: *swallows an egg*
Old Man Walker: Huh, episodes? *sadly* Yeah, at my age, I have a lot of episodes. *turns around* Who wants pudding?
Leni Loud: I do!
Lincoln Loud: Hold that pudding. We can build our own tank, and we'll gather material "The Kelpbed Kids" way.
Old Man Walker: Eh, the what bed who--wait, what?
SpongeBob SquarePants and Patrick Star: *laughs*
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Yellow, Red Rectangle, Lincoln, Leni Loud and Ashley Roberts: Classic Hoops!
Slide transition cuts to SpongeBob, Patrick, Yellow, Red, Lincoln, Leni and Ashley leaving with the tires off Larry's car.
Larry the Lobster: *comes by with groceries and my jaw drops*
Old Man Walker is spinning around in one of the tires and gets knocked around. Next, they go to a construction site. A crane suddenly stops and sparks.
Construction Worker: Hmm? Huh?
SpongeBob, Patrick, Yellow, Red, Lincoln, Leni and Ashley are pushing the crane's treads with Old Man Walker stuck in the middle of them.
SpongeBob and Patrick: *laughs*
Yellow Rectangle: Hmm? *uses a screwdriver to take the screws off a house*
The panels fall off and a fish is seen using the toilet on the top floor.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Yellow, Red Rectangle, Lincoln, Leni Loud and Ashley Roberts: Aah!
They drag a piece of metal with Old Man Walker on it.
Fish on toilet: Hmm? *puts down newspaper and looks, then shrugs and keeps reading*
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Yellow, Red Rectangle, Lincoln, Leni Loud and Ashley Roberts: *drags away the bridge to Shell City*
A tricycle parade of kids falls into the chasm.
Kids: *shouts*
Screen cuts to Ashley installing boost power on Old Man Walker's tank.
Ashley Roberts: *thumbs up, smiles and winks*
Slide transition cuts to the outside of SpongeBob's garage. Construction noises are heard. A tank with a variety of odd instruments, labeled the Meanie Mangler, bursts through the garage door.
SpongeBob SquarePants: We're coming for you, Ajax McGee!
Old Man Walker: Say hello to my Meanie Mangler!
Gary is on a treadmill inside the car. Ashley has a “BOOST POWER” button. Leni has too many buttons.
Patrick Star and Red Rectangle: *looks through a periscope*
SpongeBob, Yellow and Lincoln have a manual and are checking some levers.
They arrive at Shady Shoals.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *pops out of the tank* Here we are, Hoops. *frames sign with my hands* Shady Shoals. Now call out for Ajax.
Old Man Walker: Eh? Huh? Who am I calling?
Yellow Rectangle: *gives him a megaphone* Talk into this.
Old Man Walker: *into megaphone* Hello, operator? This is Barracuda 4117. *scratches back* Is my prescription ready yet?
Ajax McGee: *comes out of Shady Shoals on my tank* 23 Skiddoo!
Lincoln Loud: *pops out of the tank* Ajax, what are you doing here?
Ajax McGee: I'm here to destroy your tank *points* Hey, where did you get that pile of junk? Never mind, I don't care! *shoots eggs* Have some eggs!
Lincoln Loud: Ahh! *gets down*
Yellow Rectangle: Prepare cannon! Fire! *shoots toast*
Ajax McGee: *confused, gets covered in toast*
A piece hits him on the head.
Yellow Rectangle: *to Red* Uh, *points* you loaded the cannon with toast?
Red Rectangle: *shrugs* Patrick always has toast with eggs.
Patrick Star: *eats toast with eggs* Toast with eggs, good!
SpongeBob SquarePants: *gets a deadpan expression, falls into the tank and pulls a lever* Deploying salt lick!
A saltshaker on a hand and a fan blow salt towards Ajax, covering him in salt.
Lincoln Loud: *presses buttons then pulls lever* Engaging cow!
Cow: *gets fired out of cannon, moos and licks Ajax*
Ajax McGee: Eugh. Ooh. Ew. Ugh. Your tongue is so rough!
The cannon bumps into the cow, and it runs off.
Ajax McGee: Hmm? *gets ready to fire a cannon*
Yellow Rectangle: He's firing cannon at us! Ashley, press “BOOST POWER” button!
Ashley Roberts: Roger that!
Screen cuts to the “BOOST POWER” Button close up.
Ashley Roberts: *presses “BOOST POWER” button*
Screen cuts back. 
Ajax McGee: Huh?!
Old Man Walker’s tank makes a speed boost on Ajax.
Ajax McGee: *screams, then gets flattened*
Lincoln Loud: Alright, go Ashley!
Ajax McGee: *growls* That's it! I'll show you guys!
Yellow Rectangle: Fire now, Leni! Leni?!
Leni Loud: Hmm.
Screen cuts with too many buttons.
Leni Loud: Yellow, I don't know how to press it.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Come on Leni, you can do it.
Old Man Walker: Press it.
Leni Loud: Okay okay! I'll press it! *accidentally presses *”BOOST POWER SELF DESTRUCT” button* Oops!
Old Man Walker's tank's boost power explodes.
Old Man Walker: The boost power! It's destroyed!
Ashley Roberts: *coughs*
Red Rectangle: Oh no, Ashley!
Yellow Rectangle: Ashley, are you okay?!
Ashley Roberts: Don't worry about me! Goodbye, you guys! Go on without me! *runs off*
Ajax McGee: Now, where was I?! Oh yeah! *fires an egg into the barrel*
It bounces through and hits Gary in the face, agitating him. He growls and the Meanie Mangler drives faster. It drives into the toast and shoots some towards Ajax with its wheels. The toast hits Ajax, then launches into his mouth and he swallows it. The Meanie Mangler spins out of control
Ajax McGee: *gets caught in it*
Old Man Walker: *with toast in my face* Whoa, whoa! Aah! Everything smells like toast!
Ajax McGee: Hey! Stop it!
The tanks spin throughout town, knocking over buildings and causing them to get rearranged. The fish on the toilet falls. A woman screams and kicks him out of the house. The tanks bounce through houses with pinball sound effects. They fall down the chasm, where the kids are cycling around Old Man Walker's house. The tank crashes into the house, exploding and injuring the kids. SpongeBob, Patrick, Yellow, Red, Lincoln and Leni, bandaged, are being held in hoops by Old Man Walker, who is floating with a propeller.
Rachel Foxy: *waves* Hey, Leni!
Lincoln Loud: Look, there goes Ajax!
Ajax McGee: *rolls away* I'll get youse next time!
Old Man Walker: Say my name! I'm Hoops the Poops!
Patrick Star: Classic.
SpongeBob SquarePants Patrick Star, Yellow, Red Rectangle, Lincoln and Leni Loud: Best "Kelpbed Kids" adventure ever!
The screen zooms out to show the scene on SpongeBob's TV as the coloring goes grayscale.
SpongeBob SquarePants Patrick Star, Yellow, Red Rectangle, Lincoln and Leni Loud: High four! *tries to high five, miss, and laughs*
Old Man Walker: *drops them*
SpongeBob SquarePants Patrick Star, Yellow, Red Rectangle, Lincoln and Leni Loud: *screams*
Old Man Walker: Oops! *worried* Uh... Just call me Hoops the Oops. *nervous laughs*
Screen cuts in black and it says "THE END".
Ajax McGee: *angrily, breaks the fourth wall* I’ll get him next time! He will pay! Curse you, Lincoln! And his sister Leni and his friends too!
His scooter falls on Ajax.
Ajax McGee: Ow!
Episode ends.
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