The short stories of a confusing werewolf

(because i love making fun of my old stories)
== part 1: 'tis raining ==
the blue wolf huffed loudly at the rain. it was raining. his fur was soaked. HE OPENED HIS UMBRELLA, AND BASKED IN THE GLORY OF NO RAIN! he then stared up at the sky. SOMEHOW, despite it being STORMY... he could see stars
also he believes that the moon is actually a hecking SERPENT and also that the SERPENT IS A LITERAL GOD :O
and also he says that the 'shifting werewolves' (??) are all DED
== part 2: kaiewejjejirirjrehroehbwlbglrgbr;ogbr;gbr or whatever his name is i forgot ==
the werewolf walks into a CAFE. and the author remembers that she accidentally changed tenses. a weredragon called 'Oequuwueeueeeneneennenenenennnnn' or something has orange eyes
she says "kaiweejejjeejj- whatever i forgot your name. u look SOAKED"
also other creatures look up at him including a VERY RUDE elf who is, quite frankly, DISGUSTED that this blue wolf exists.
kaiweehehehrjrjfjfehfklhwefkhwelkdfjnl.dnslkndw/.nd walks over to oequweewnnrjrjrjtk,twnhrhtre, who is apparently purple. think about that for a moment. orange eyes. purple fur. ???
also apparently kawieieieierehrhrehjsrhewhorowhrlwendwejndlknwdlnwed orders ordinary tea or something. which is stupid. THIS IS A MAGIC CAFE, YOU COULD'VE GOTTEN MAGIC TEA
oh, the tea is made by magic. but it has no magic properties. which is nonsense.
this CAFE is so FANCY that it has STAINED GLASS WINDOWS. kaiweierrhrhthetkjrkwjdkwmdl,wmed sits by one and sips his tea, which is somehow not burning his (possibly non-existent) lips off, despite having just been made. magic
the stained glass window shows a bunch of 'Gem Dragons', flying in a chasm or something. oh, right, this is from the OLD VERSION OF THIS FANTASY WORLD I MADE where i used to just smash the keyboard and use a random name from the letters that occur. also, apparently the table is made of birch wood. how is that important?
he drinks more tea
== part 3: four paragraphs of a werewolf who seems rather awkward ==
kaeiijjwjeejejejejememmdmdmdmm,,,, finishes his tea. a hecking dragon sits down beside him. what
"it's horrible weather, BUT IT'S STILL RATHER LOVELY, ISN'T IT!?" she 'comments', sitting like a ball python. she reveals that the cafe is called the 'winter fox'. hmmmmmmmmmm. she reveals that she didn't even order anything. wow, rude. are you hoping to have a sip of tea, dragon-whose-name-is-apparently-Jade, because i'm NOT GIVING YOU ANY (also kaieiieejejejrr,r,r,, smiles at the-one-whose-name-is-not-unspellable)
"im kaiieiejrj- kaiieiejejrjrmrtm- kkarrrjjjksm- oh heck i forgot my name. also, i'm good friends with ooaquueuenenenrnrmrmrmrmrmmtsarkekrkktk4tk4jnteh;hw;erhb;h4r;43r, the OWNER of this CAFE. which explains how i SOMEHOOOOW got my tea for free. which also explains why the elf was so angry. she wanted FREE TEA. also apparently it's 'surprising' that she gets by without any help. but she has MAGIC," kaieieirirkrjwa;rhweihr;whr;wih3h says all in one breath, shaking paws with Jade.
"something something summer robin > winter fox, TIME TO BECOMe FRIENDS EVEN THOUGH WE HARDLY KNOW EACH OTHER." jade meows. they watch the rain through the window and OH NO THIS IS ACTUALLY STARTING TO SOUND EVER SO SLIGHTLY ROMANTIC JUST EVER SO SLIGHTLY SO NOW I SHIP THE BLUE WOLF THING AND THE 'EMERALD DRAGON' THING
== part 4: not even the messenger dragon can pronounce it ==
a dragon flies in. roar
"EXCUUUUSE ME MISTER... UH... HOW THE HECK DO YOU PRONOUNCE THAT," the tiny green dragon screams. he's a hecking messenger dragon. and he didn't sign up for this.
"just call me kakekirirjtt;e;rjw;krjnw;ekmdn"
"kiaeekirkrkr,tjjk,,,?"
"no, kaiejje,rr,rnrrjrjewjrwjr;oj3pjrp32r"
"k... kai?"
"you know what, close enough"
"ok, kai, blue wolf thing whose last name is the same as your first name. i have a message from you from mountain the HYDRA, whose sibling head got killed or something?? what also i wrote it for him" the messenger dragon flings an envelope at kkaiediejrjrelrjhw;lehrt;whr;wmnredm/dmas/.dm's head. before flying away. how rude
kai opens the leeeeeeeetter and we discover that HE HAS AN ACTUAL LAST NAME THAT THE MESSENGER DRAGON DIDN'T USE???
dear kaiiwaklejalejlrhl;werhb;wehw;qn heck wait no don't write that i didn't pronounce his last name properly oh fine i guess it's close enough
so, i heard you wrote a book called 'howling tales' or something, i bought it, i also read it with the messenger dragon, who is called blade, also why do all of you have such strange names. please, come over and chat
-mountain the hydra, 29 valley road, tahehherjrjwjrjwrj city, ijajeeiirweuaeiuwoieuoirhlaehrlewhdlwqhd
"oh yay somebody enjoyed my poems," kai smiled eerily
"should i write a letter back to him" blade asks. kai nods, and writes a message. USING THIS FANCY FOUNTAIN PEN. we never get to see the message. blade flies off with it. bleh.
== part 5: kai orders a red velvet cake for no hecking reason ==
"THERE IS SO MUCH HEAVY FOG," jade sighs dramatically, draping herself across the table DRAMATICALLY. it's true, though. so much fog.
"eh something that for some reason i read in an american accent or something despite everyone in this story having a british accent or a confusing MAGIC accent" the elf who hates unnatural blue fur says, also her long hair reaches down to 'the end of her spine', and that's only while it's braided
"u should let nature take care of it," a talking mirror says. apparently, he is oequeueueusjeneneemsmmekrkr's brother, jawiiirejrowerhwjotwtll.
kai orders a red velvet cake just because why not. oaeuquueuejajrlejlwjhlwerwehrwphrwphrw creates it using MAGIC
== part 6: go back to nursery u foolish werewolves ==
kai walks back to his chair and sTARTS EATING THE EnTIRE CAKe. BY HIMSELf. WHAT
also jade has gone to sleep and is snoring. kai thinks that the feline snores are cute. jade wakes up as they hear crashing plates. they turn around and see a brown werewolf and a green werewolf fight.
this is the entirety of their argument, because you need to see the original:
"YOU PUSHED ME FIRST!"
"No, YOU pushed me first!"
"I never!"
"Oh, yes, you did!"
"You big liar!"
"Kit!"
"Fool!"
oeuquwuwuwheennaennenemmm sighs, and sneaks over to kai and jade, because that's furthest away from the childish werewolves
"THEY'RE ALWAYS AT IT..." she sighs dramatically, "ALWAYS PUSHING EACH OTHER, ALWAYS BREAKING MY PLATES... ICING EVERYWHERE... AND CRUMBS... THIS. ENDS. NOW. by throwing them into the sun"
"can't u stop them some other way," jade meows
"not without getting hurt, also they always hurt each other, spoiler alert as it turns out they cheated Death" kai puts his paws over his ears because wow are they being loud
== part 7: death themselves appears ==
kai looks at the door. everything is silent.
there is a hecking humanoid there. MADE OF ORANGE LIGHT.
aka death
"ur late u were due 10 years ago," it slurps. "mmm this tea is delicious"
also death strangles the werewolves wHICH IS REALLY HECKING MORBID WHEN YOU SEE HOW I WROTE IT also their wounds re-appear and they die and their corpses fall onto the floor and nOBODY CARES FOR SOME WEIRD REASON??
"well that was frightening," kai comments. jade stares at him. "seriously," she says, "you just saw death itself and you went 'well tha twas frightning'?"
[tune in next time for thAT ONE TIME WHEN KAI HAD A LITERAL MONSTER OR SOMETHING UNDER HIS BED i don't know it isn't exactly clear]