Rango/Transcript

SENOR FLAN: We are gathered here today to immortalize in song the life and untimely death of a great legend. So eit back, relax and enjoy your low calorie popcorn and assorted confections, while we tell you the strange and bewildering tale of a hero who hae yet to enter his own story.
INT, TERRARIUM - DAY
RANGO, an aquatic/chameleon-like lizard in a tropical Hawaiian shirt, hae hie eyee ',closed. He stretches and contorts hie face in preparation for a theatrical performance.
RANGO
Mmmaa . • . Ma . . • Ma -- crunchy,
creamy, cookie, candy, cupcake.
(dramatically exhales)
okay everybody, let's take it from
the top.
Rango holds up two palm fronds as a curtain:
RANGO
The stage is eet, the night moist
with apprehension. Alone in her
chamber the princess prepares to take her own life.
Reveal the princess, a headless Barbie-doll torso.
HEADLESS TORSO
It is far better to nourish worms than to live without love.
Rl',NGO (O,C.)
she reaches for the poison chalice.
As Rango pushes a glass toward her hand, we realize it was a
play acted out by inanimate objects
RANGO (O.S.)
Meanwhile ••• the wicked Malvolio
plots his ascension to the throne.
Malvolio, a wind-up fish resting motionless at the bottom of
a pool, laughs maliciously.
RANGO (O.S.)
While her aging father lies gravely
ill.
DEAD BUG
Yes .•. I'm gravely ill.
A plastic palm tree looms tall in front of a painted sky.
PALM TREE
Hark! Who goes there?
Trumpets sound as Range jumps into frame wielding a plastic
cocktail sword.
RANGO 'Tis I, the much anticipated hero,
returning to rescue his emotionally unstable maiden.
(charging the pool)
Unhand her you jailors of virtue or taste the bitter sting of my
vengeance! .•. The sting of my ••. (re: dead cricket)
Dr. Marx, I'm not getting anything
from you .•. People, we've talked
about this! Acting is reacting!
(re: palm tree)
Victor you were wooden. There, I
said it.
(re: wind-up fish)
Mr. Timms ... you were good.
Perhaps a little too good.
(re: palm tree)
What's that Victor? My character is
undefined? That's absurd. I know
who I am. I'm the guy ..• the
protagonist, the hero ... every
story needs a hero, I mean who else
is better qualified to bask in the
adulation of his numerous
companions ...
His smile fades. Utterly alone. 
Rango slowly walks forward and breathes on the terrarium
glass, draws a little frame around his face in the fog.
RANGO (V.O.)
The stage is waiting •.. The
audience thirsts for adventure .•. Who am I? ... I could be anyone ..•
Rango shifts enthusiastically into different characters ...
RANGO
I could be the sea captain
returning from a mighty voyage. To
reclaim his mechanical arm!
(battles his own arm)
Or I could be the rogue
anthropologist, battling pythons
down in the Congo! Down Chongo! Down!
(battles his own tail)
And if you desire romance ... I
will become the greatest lover the
world has ever known!
He snatches up a guitar and plays a passionate Spanish riff as he approaches the headless torso ... The pick-up artist:
RANGO
Hola. I couldn't help but notice
you noticing me noticing you. You
know the womens find me uncomfortably good looking. But you seem remarkably at ease.
Rango playfully moves the doll's hand on and off his knee.
RANGO
Oh, stop it -- No really -- Well,
if you must -- What are you doing?
That tickles -- Are those real?
The doll "slaps" him.
RANGO
(rubs his face, realizing) That's it -- Conflict! Victor you were right, I have been undefined.
(raising his glass)
People, I've had an epiphany. The hero cannot exist in a vacuum. What
our story needs is an ironic
unexpected event that will propel
the hero into conflict--
HONK! HONK!
INT. STATION WAGON - DAY 2
We realize his terrarium is in the back of a station wagon as
it swerves unsuccessfully to avoid hitting something in the
road--
SCREECH! SKID! BAM!
Range's entire world turns upside down--
Everything goes into slow motion--
EXT. STATION WAGON/ROAD - DAY
The terrarium goes flying out the back window-- crashes to
the road, shattering--
Range lands, sliding on a shard of the glass--
He finally stops.
EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY
3
4
Rango sees the station wagon zooming away, disappearing down
an empty highway in the middle of the hot desert.
He walks over to the windup fish still flapping in a puddle.
RANGO
Mr. Timms?
Rango looks up at the blazing, cruel sun.
ROADKILL (O.S.)
oye!
Startled, Rango looks around noticing something in the road.
ROADKILL (O.S.)
That's right, you. Don't be shy.
Come. It's okay ...
EXT. FURTHER DOWN HIGHWAY - DAY 5
The skid marks lead hi.rn to ••• A partially squashed armadillo
with tire tracks across his belly. This is ROADKILL.
ROADKILL
That's it, a little closer. Yeah,
good ... I won't bite you. I need a
little help here. 
RANGO
Uh •.. Are you okay?
ROADKILL
I must get to the other side.
RANGO
The other -- the other side? •.• You mean just now? That was you
crossing the road? That's why
the ...
(makes doppler, screeches
and crash noises)
WHY DID YOU DO THAT!?
ROADKILL
This is my quest. He waits for me
RANGO
Wha-- who?
ROADKILL
The Spirit of the West, amigo. The one -- they say he rides an alabaster carriage with golden
guardians to protect him ...
RANGO
What are you talking about?
ROADKILL
Enlightenment. We are nothing
without it.
RANGO
Nothing!? Your delusional quest
just ruined my life. I had an incredibly complex social network
going-- highly sophisticated
friends-- I was very popular.
ROADKILL
Friends? I don't see no friends •..
RANGO
well. .. uh ...
ROADKILL
You are a very lonely lizard.
Rango looks around at the nothingness surrounding them. 
ROADKILL
Now, help me up, and I will help
you find what you seek.
RANGO
Uh ••• you will?
ROADKILL
And perhaps more ... Quickly now, I must get back to my quest!
RANGO
You mean you've done this before?
ROADKILL
oh yea, many times .•• Come .•.
Rango climbs up on Roadkill,
ROADKILL
Come, that's it, pull my finger.
RANGO
Uh •.•
ROADKILL
The Spirit is waiting for me.
RANGO
Okay. okay.
Rango pulls Roadkill's hands, trying to pull him off the tarmac -- struggling to exhaustion.
RANGO
Okay •.. that's not going to work.
ROADKILL
I must get to the other side.
RANGO
Why don't you just wait until there are no cars coming?
ROADKILL It's not so easy as it looks.
RANGO
The what?
ROADKILL It 1 s a metaphor
ZOOM!
A truck passes overhead lifting Rango into the air--
EXT. TRAFFIC - DAY
A dozen cars fly past at top speed--
Range flies through the air -- Slams from car to car -- Mud
flap to antennae -- he flings off, taking a smiley face ornament with him--
Bounces off the road -- Smack! -- Hits a windshield,
startling the driver, LARS.
LARS
Whoa! There's another one. I knew
itt
Windshield wipers send Range flying off the red convertible--
EXT. SIDE OF ROAD - DAY 7
Range lands in a cloud of dust. The shadow of Roadkill looms over him.
ROADKILL
You need a little help, amigo?
RANGO
I think the metaphor broke my
spleen.
ROADKILL
The path to knowledge is fraught
with consequence.
RANGO
Yeah •.. I'm just looking for the
path to water.
ROADKILL
If you want to find water, you must first find Dirt.
RANGO
Uh dirt?
ROADKILL
Destiny, she is kind to you: tomorrow is Wednesday. The water comes. At noon the townspeople
gather for a mysterious ritual ..•
Rango, suddenly excited, gets up dusting himself off.
RANGO
Whoa, what? a town? ••. you mean like ... with real people and
everything? Where?
ROADKILL
A day's journey.
(he points with his staff)
Follow your shadow.
Rango looks out at the barren desert.
RANGO
You want me to just walk out into the desert?
ROADKILL
That's the way.
RANGO
Okay. So you're saying there's a town ... real town not a
metaphor town.
ROADKILL Go on, it's okay.
Rango starts walking hesitantly into the desert.
RANGO
Okay ... then I'm going ... I am leaving the road now. I'm walking
into the desert .•. alone.
ROADKILL
We all have our journeys to make. I
will see you on the other aide.
EXT. DESERT - DAY
MARIACHIS
(singing)
Welcome Amigo, to the land without 
end. The desert and death are the closest of friends. We sing of his
courage, in magnificent song. But
pay close attention. He won't be
here long ... As the birds pluck his
eyes, the sun bleaches his bones.
See his entrails get scattered.
Watch him lose his cajonea. Ai yai! 
Range passes the Mariachi Band as they perfonn .•• the
Mariachi Lead speaks to CAMERA:
SENOR FLAN
Here in the Mojave Desert animals
have had millions of years to adapt to the harsh environment. But the
lizard ••. he is going to die.
EXT. CACTUS FIELD - DAY
Range continues on, mwnbling in the unbearable heat ...
RANGO
Four score and seven years ago our
fathers ...
ROCK-EYE (O.S.)
Don't move.
Rango freezes.
RANGO
What?
Rango looks around ... nothing but cactus and rocks.
He starts to walk again.
ROCK-EYE (O.S.) Don't move!
RANGO
(freezes) Not moving!
ROCK-EYE (O.S.)
Shh.
RANGO
Not moving.
ROCK-EYE
Try to blend in.
RANGO
Huh? Blend in? What do you mean?
The voice seems to be coming from a rock nearby. Suddenly, an eye opens: This is ROCK-EYE.
ROCK-EYE
Blend in! 
RANGO
Blend in? What are you saying?
ZOOM! -- A shadow of enormous RED-TAILED HAWK zooms past.
ROCK-EYE
Too late.
RANGO
No, no. It's not too late! I'm
blending. I'm a blender!
ROCK-EYE
Calm down. What are you doing?
Tranquilo!
Rango tries to blend in .••
ROCK-EYE
Stop moving! Try not to look
conspicuous.
Rango freezes in the form of a cactus.
The hawk circles overhead. Rango nervously screams -- drops
down right next to Rock-eye.
Rango's skin changes to bright tropical colors.
ROCK-EYE
Hey •.. Psst ..• What are you
doing?
RANGO I'm blending.
ROCK-EYE
Well blend somewhere else.
RANGO
Don't distract me.
ROCK-EYE
No room at the inn,
RANGO It'a an art, not a science.
ROCK-EYE
Find your own hiding place.
RANGO No •.. This is good. 
ROCK-EYE
oh, here she comes! You better run,
mojito.
RANGO
What? I thought you said don't
move?
ROCK-EYE
That was before. Now you run.
The hawk zooms down ..• Rango runs screaming hysterically.
ROCK-EYE
(laughing)
Adios amigo.
SCENE OMITTED
EXT. CACTUS FIELD - DAY
Rango runs for his life momentarily finding shelter in an
empty soda bottle. The hawk approaches the glass.
RANGO
Oh hey ... proboscis.
The hawk pecks and snaps at the glass.
RANGO
Whoa • . . testy.
10
11
The hawk grabs the bottle in his talons and starts to fly--
EXT. SKY - DAY
Rango looks down. Sees the desert far below. Uh oh ...
RANGO
No, please no, please! I have
vertigo, my glands are swelling •..
no-No-NO--!
The hawk drops the bottle ...
EXT. CACTUS FIELD - DAY
BAM! The bottle hits a rock but doesn't break--
It's Rock-eye.
ROCK-EYE
Ow! Madre de Dias!
Rock-eye stomps to the bottle, ranting angrily:
ROCK-EYE
I'll kill you! You stupid lizard!
Get out of there. I'm going to
strangle your juevos--!
Rango notices the hawk is zooming toward them!
RANGO
Ah! Big bird!
He starts rolling the bottle away. Rock-eye pursues:
ROCK-EYE
No wait, come back! I was just
kidding! Come on, we're friends
right!?
RANGO
I don't know you.
ROCK-EYE
Lizards, frogs, we're practically
related!
RANGO
Find your own hiding place -- No
room at the inn.
ROCK-EYE
Move over!
RANGO You are not my friend!
ROCK-EYE
I'll let you kiss my sister!
Then Rango's bottle hits a rock, breaks and rolls to a stop.
Rock-eye runs up, laughs at Rango's predicament, Then WHAM! --
Like a bolt of lightning -- The hawk strikes -- Grabbing Rockeye and flying off with him--
ROCK-EYE You sonofab--
The hawk shrieks as he disappears with his meal. Range hides
inside the half broken bottle, 
EXT. DESERT-DRAINPIPE - EVENING 14
Range, utterly exhausted, utterly dehydrated, climbs into a
broken drainage pipe •••
INT. DRAINPIPE - NIGHT
Range sits, huddled against the pipe. Alone.
He drifts into a horrible nightmare:
15
A looming cactus with glowing eyes -- a field of rattlesnake
tails -- the shadow of a hawk looms as Range runs through the
surreal landscape -- A giant Mr. Timms swims through the sky
above--
MR. TIMMS
Where are your friends now, amigo?
Range reaches to Mr. Timms -- he can't breath -- he's
drowning--
SCENE OMITTED
EXT. DESERT-DRAINPIPE - MORNING
16
17
WHOOSH! A tidal wave of water shoots him out of the pipe--
Range slams to the ground--
He tries to drink some of the water pooled around him, but it
instantly evaporates on the parched desert floor--
Suddenly, he finds himself looking at a boot.
Range follows the boot up -- into the barrels of a shotgun.
Behind the shotgun: BEANS, a pretty lizard with true grit.
BEANS
Get your slimy-webbed phalanges off
my boots!
RANGO
oh sorry.
BEANS
I got a bead on you stranger. So
get up real slow unlesaen you want
to spend the better part of the
afternoon puttin' your face back·
together! 
Rango slowly rises with hie hands up.
RANGO No ma'am ... I don't.
BEANS
Who are you?
RANGO
Who am I?
BEANS
(cocking) I'm asking the questions here!
(shoves the gun to his
face) Our town is drying up, we're in the
middle of a drought, now someone is
dumping water in the desert, It's a puzzle of undetenninable size and
dimension, but I 'tend to find out what role you playin' in all this.
RANGO
Role?
BEANS
What are you involved in?
RANGO
Oh ..• well •.. I'm glad you
asked •.. I've got two one acts a mystery ... and a musical I've
been gestating. I got the words,
just working on the melody right now .•. it's like--
(humrning)
I think it's gonna be a weetern-- (nervously singe)
A monkey got a cracker ... hie
mother was a slapper .•. she'll be
coming 'round the mountain ... in
the rain!
BEANS
(dumbfounded) You ain't from around here, are
you?
She walks to her wagon, loaded with empty bottles
RANGO
I'm-- I'm still working on it. so . . • what ' s your name?
BEANS
Beans.
RANGO
That's a funny kind of name.
BEANS
What can I say, my Daddy plum loved
baked beans.
RANGO
Well, you're lucky he didn't plum
love asparagus.
BEANS
What are you sayin'?
RANGO
I mean--I enjoy a hearty puttanesca
myself, I'm just not sure a child
would appreciate the moniker.
Rango takes out a glass jar, inspecting it.
BEANS
My Daddy was a great man, even if
he did exhibit a proclivity for
legumes and--
RANGO
(licking his finger)
Hmm, spicy.
BEANS You are eatin' his ashes!
RANGO
(shocked!) Whoa! You carry his remains?
BEANS
No, his ashes ... He loved to smoke. They never found the body,
RANGO
Oh, well ..• I'm sure he had his reasons. 
BEANS
What are you implying?
RANGO
Nothing .•. I ...
BEANS
(charging Rango)
My Daddy was never near that mine
shaft. He had been sober for over a
month, and for you to imply that he
would abandon his parental
responsibilities, at a delicate
time in my personal development is an affront to my sense of--
She stops abruptly: Absolutely frozen.
RANGO
Beans ... Miss Beans? ... Hello?
(whistles)
Hello?
Rango waves his hand in front of her face. Nothing.
He puts his arm around her shoulder, sharing the moment. She wakes:
BEANS
--and until the people of Andromeda
Five return him safe and sound, I
will not sell my ranch!
Beans notices Rango has his arm around her. Completely
confused.
BEANS
What--?
RANGO
What--What are you doing?
BEANS
What are you doing?
RANGO
(caught)
What am I doing? What?
BEANS
You-- cuddlin' me
RANGO
You were frozen.
BEANS
No, I wasn't.
RANGO
Theatrical Script 2/4/11 17.
Yes you were, you stopped talking.
BEANS
It's a defense mechanism, actually
lots of lizards have it.
RANGO
You're making that up.
She cli11lbs into the wagon:
BEANS
so, you gonna die out here or you
want a ride into town?
RANGO
No-no-no,,,yeah, no--yes please.
(cli11lbs up, awkwardly
crossing Beans)
Thank you. Sorry.
BEANS
Today's Wednesday, Wednesday's when we all get to it.
She flicks the reins and the wagon rwnblea off,
BEANS
So, who are you really?
RANGO
Well, I'm a man of many epithets.
There's my stage name, my pen name,
my avatar, had a pseudonym once but
I had it legally changed ••.
The wagon rolls off into the distance,,.
The Mariachi Band plays.
SENOR FLAN
And so the stranger, seeking
companionship, finds the woman
much like the sirens of ancient
times -- luring him to his certain
demise
EXT. OUTSKIRTS OF TOWN - DAY
RANGO ..• my nom de plume, I have a CB
handle, I'm actually one of the few men with a maiden name •••
Beans abruptly brings the wagon to a stop.
BEANS
Well, here we are.
Range sees a town in the distance.
RANGO
Oh •.• oh ... right ... (climbs down)
Well, I sure do appreciate this Miss Beans, and if there's ever
anything I could ...
BEANS
Yahl Get on up.
She snaps the reins and the wagon clatters off,
RANGO
Yeah •.. okay then· ... See ya, Beans ...
Rango walks up to an old wooden sign that reads:
"Welcome to Dirt."
EXT. DIRT-MAIN STREET - DAY
PAPA JOAD is talking to an aged peanut farmer, CREVICE:
CREVICE You headin' out Jim?
PAPA JOAD
Well we gave it our best shot, but
had to sell out. Can't grow no crops without no water ... Bye now.
Range approaches smiling. Ahhh. civilization again.
Then -- BAM!
A rock hits him on the side of the head. He turns. 
LUCKY
What is it?
Four SCRUFFY TOWN KIDS are snickering. one has a slingshot.
They scatter when Rango looks at them revealing ... PRISCILLA, a sweet-looking little rodent girl with huge eyes.
RANGO
OW! What was that for?
PRISCILLA
You're funny looking.
RANGO
Oh yeah? You're funny looking too.
PRISCILLA
That's a funny-looking shirt.
RANGO
That's a funny-looking dress.
PRISCILLA
You got funny-looking eyes.
RANGO
You got a funny-looking face!
PRISCILLA
You're a stranger .•• Strangers
don't last long here.
Priscilla turns and walks away.
Rango notices Beans down the street at the General Store.
EXT. GENERAL STORE - DAY
MR. FURGUS is loading supplies onto Beans' wagon.
MR. FURGUS Here's your beans, Beans.
BEANS: I'm gonna need some more feed too, Willie.
MR. FURGUS: Now Beans, you owe me three quarts already. I can't give you no more credit. l have what I owe you at noon.
MR, FURGUS
You don't understand. It's Mr. Merrimack down at the bank He cut off all credit.
RANGO: (waving) HEY, BEANS! ••. BEANS!
MR, FURGUS: You know that there feller?
RANGO: Hey Beans! ... Miss Beans!
BEANS: Nope.
She gives one last look to Rango and then goes inside.
EXT, DIRT-MAIN STREET - DAY
RANGO: Ah, Beans? ..• Right ••. Blend in blend in ...
Rango watches some men move past and copies a couple of "Western" walks: COBB the Cowboy Beetle, and SLIM the Walking Bird. Without success. Finally he sees MR, SNUGGLES, a Porcupine guy with the classic John Wayne swagger. He copies it exactly. That's it!
EXT, SALOON - DAY
Range notices music
INT. THE SALOON - DAY
finds himself in front of: The Saloon.
Rango enters •..
The piano stops, all heads turn to the newcomer.
He approaches the bar.
RANGO: I'd like a glass of water.
A beat. 
Then everyone laughs like it's the funniest thing they ever heard. HAZEL MOATS, a tough looking mole, joins in the fun:
HAZEL MOATS: He wants a glass of water.
DOC, a drunk rabbit, rouses himself at the hubbub:
DOC: (drunkenly) Make it a double!
Doc collapses again.
HITCH: Give'm the spittoon!
BUFORD, the toad bartender, spits on the bar ... polishes:
BUFORD: Cactus juice. That's what we got.
Buford slides a cactus-bottle over to Rango, sticks to his hand.
Rango laughs nervously trying to hid the pain ... takes a shot. Eyeballs rattle. Lips quiver. Farts.
SPOONS, a stinky old mouse with a long white beard, takes notice.
SPOONS: Hey there fruit cup. You're a long ways from home, ain't ya? Who exactly are you?
Rango looks at himself in.the bar mirror: Contemplating.
RANGO (V.O.)
Who am I? ... I could be anyone.
He looks at the bottom of the bottle: Hecho en Durango. His
thumb covers the first two letters revealing ... R.A.N.G.O.
SPOONS
What's the matter? You missing your rnormny's mangos?
Rango hunches. His eyes narrow. His voice drops.
RANGO
As a matter of fact I am.
(spins on Spoons)
But, not as much as your daddy's
cookin'!
SPOONS
(now nervous)
Exactly •.. where did you say you
were from?
RANGO
Me? I'm from the West ..• out there
beyond the horizon ••• Past the sunset ... THE FAR WEST.
Range struts, working the room.
RANGO
Yeah, that's right, hombres. The
place I come from, we kill a man
before breakfast just to work up an
appetite •••
He snatches a toothpick from JEREMIAH's mouth, chews on it--
RANGO
Then we salt him, then we pepper
him, then we braise him in
clarified butter, and then--
(puts on Hazel's Hat)
--we eat him!
HAZEL MOATS
Ya eat him?
RANGO
That's what I said!
Range circles a nearby poker game.
RANGO
Hell, I seen things make a grown
man lose control of his glandular
functions. You spend three days in a horse carcass living off your own
juices ... It'll change a man. Oh
yea.
He grabs the deck, shuffles it dramatically, the cards fly
everywhere, oops. 
RANGO
Got a few extra aces in this deck,
gents Just the way I like it.
Rango makes hie way back to Spoons at the bar.
RANGO
so, no, my hirsute little rodent
friend, I am not from around these
parts ... You might say I'm from
everywhere there's trouble brewing
and hell waiting to be raised ...
You might say I'm what hell's
already raised up ...
He drains a shot. No problem.
RANGO
Name's .•. Rango.
The name whips around the room ... whispers ..• murmurs ...
gasps ... the legend is born.
ELBOWS
Hey, are you the fella that killed
them Jenkins brothers?
RANGO
Mmhrnm ••• Killed 'em with one
bullet. Don't get no deader.
ELGIN
All seven of them?
Range's stuck. The bar is watching eagerly.
RANGO
That's right. All seven of them.
WAFFLES, a jittery toad, inquires:
WAFFLES
Exactly how you do that, Mr. Rango?
The bar patrons gather round ••.
RANGO You know I'm glad you asked me
that, and I will be happy to tell
you how ... But you 1 re gonna have to
listen up! Because this is where it
gets ... complicated
INT, BANK - DAY 24
Cha-ching! A cash register opens. The Bank Teller, PARSONS,
hands over some small bottles of water to BONNIE. In Dirt, water is currency.
PARSONS
That'll close out your account Mrs.
Oats, two gulps and a swig.
MORDECAI, Bonnie's son, reaches for a bottle. She smacks it.
BONNIE
Hands off Mordecai! That's what's
left of your college education.
Beans sits across from the banker, MR. MERRIMACK, as he
anxiously stirs Alka Seltzer tablets in an empty glass.
MR, MERRIMACK
I don't rightly have no other
choice, Beans. Times being so hard we just can't give no more credit.
He chews the tablets without water.
BEANS
But this here is a bank. This is
where you keep the water!
Mr. Merrimack laughs nervously then suddenly serious:
MR, MERRIMACK
Beans, yo~'ve been like a niece to
me ever since your daddy-- did not fall drunk down a mine shaft. And
I've tried to protect you and
others from certain ••. realities
oh, and uh •.. the weight of
the realities are bearing down--
BEANS
Mr. Merrimack are you alright?
MR, MERRIMACK
(calms himself)
Beans, I need to show you
something. 
INT, BANK VAULT - DAY
Mr. Merrimack opens the bank's vault: an old glass washing
machine door with a lock attached, Inside is the town's
supply of water, a big jug with very little left.
BEANS
That's all that's left!?
MR, MERRIMACK
And this is the reserve! I Don't
know if you"ve noticed but folks
just ain't making deposits on a Wednesday no more.
BEANS: (panicked) Mr. Merrimack, if I don't get some water, I'm going to lose my ranch. And you"re telling me this is all that's left in the whole town!? Now that just don't make no sense! (beat) Now listen, someone is dumping water in the desert. I seen it with my own eyes.
MR, MERRIMACK: Water in the desert? Was this during one of your "special times?"
BEANS: Nol
He ushers her out, closes and locks the vault as:
MR, MERRIMACK: Well, we can all dream, but this is the reality ... Why do you think so many people are selling out? They just can't make it.
BEANS: Well, what am I supposed to do?
MR. MERRIMACK I suppose we could talk to the
Mayor. I hear he's been helping
people out in this time of crisis.
BEANS
The Mayor? 
MR. MERRIMACK
He may be our only hope.
INT. THE SALOON - DAY
Rango is now standing on the bar:
RANGO
..• bullet hits a shovel, ricochets
back towards number three, and
that's when the roof caved in,
igniting the thermos of pure grain
alcohol, instantly vaporizing his
bodily form, leaving nothing but a
charcoal statue and a high pitched
squeal. Eeeeeeek ••.
An appreciative exhalation from the rapt crowd. But then:
AMBROSE
Ho--hold on there! That's only six.
What happened to Number Seven?
RANGO
Number Seven? Hell, he died of
infection.
The bar celebrates!
WAFFLES
(in awe)
seven men ...
HAZEL MOATS
One bullet.
DOC
Drinks all round!
But then-- BANG! BANG! BANG!
Everyone turns.
26
BAD BILL -- a tough Cockney bully of a Gila Monster -- slams
through the doors with his gang: CHORIZO, a mean looking rat
along with a couple of psychotic, twitchy rabbits named STUMP and KINSKI.
BANG! BANG! BANG! Laughing as they shoot at the feet of SOD
BUSTER:
BAD BILL
Dance for me Sod Buster ... 
KINSKI
Dance like a chicken! Dance!
BAD BILL (CONT'D)
You got corn in your ears, mate?!
When you can't pay your mortgage
you don't own the land!
KINSKI
That's basic real estate law, my
friend.
CHORIZO
Quid pro quo!
Bill raises a blade to Sod Buster's face.
BAD BILL
If I see your face in this town
again, I'm gonna slice it off and
use it to wipe my unmentionables.
STUMP
Mind the beak.
They kick Sod Bueter out the door.
BAD BILL
And don't come back!
He notices Range at the bar. A stranger. Starts to approach.
BAD BILL
What are you all gawpin at?
WAFFLES
Hey Bad Bill, there's something I
got t--
Bad Bill pushes Waffles out of the way and continues to the
bar.
Rango gulps.
BAD BILL
What is this?
SPOONS You know who that is, Bill? That
there is Rango! 
WAFFLES
Yeah, he ain't afraid of you.
(The rabbits glare at him)
He ain't afraid of none of you.
Other patrons chime in, emboldened.
LENNY
Killed them Jenkins brothers.
MELONEE
Done it with one bullet Bill.
HITCH
All seven of 'em!
BAD BILL
Is that right?
Rango squirms.
Bad Bill plucks the nasty cigar butt from Buford's mouth.
Takes a deep drag. Blows smoke right in Range's face. A
challenge.
The crowd oohs.
Rango takes the cigar butt -- looks at it -- swallows it.
The crowd aahs.
Range's eyes are smoking -- gestures for cactus juice. Buford pours. Rango takes a shot.
Then accidentally BELCHES FIRE right in Bill's face. WHOOM!
The smoke clears. Bill's eyebrows are still burning.
Rango grabs a bar towel and slaps Bill's face with it, trying to put the fire out ••• To no avail.
RANGO
Um ... let me get that ... yeah ... Oh,
I know .•• here.
Rango splashes Bill's face with cactus juice--
WHOOSH! Flames flare up.
Rango is horrified. Continues to smother the flames ...
RANGO
(flames go out)
There .•. all better. 
Bad Bill's face is black. Hie eyebrows gone. Glaring.
BAM! -- Bill slams a gun down on the bar and elides it to Rango.
EXT. MAIN STREET - DAY
It's the classic Western showdown.
27
Bad Bill, flanked by Chorizo, stump and Kineki are at one end
of Main Street, Rango is at the other sporting a gun belt.
The townspeople watch eagerly.
Range nervously opens his gun to check it. All the bullets
fall out. Rango signals for time out.
RANGO
Whoa, T.O., T.O ••.. Just a second.
(collecting his bullets)
Alright, now listen, I'm gonna give you fellas one last chance to reconsider.
Thunk. His gun belt falls around hie ankles.
He leans over to pull up his gun belt-- As the shadow of the ferocious Red-Tailed Hawk soars over!
RANGO
And if you don't want to reconsider
I might consider reconsidering myself.
Range doesn't see it -- But the others do -- Shutters slam!
People hide! Stump and Kinski flee in terror. Bad Bill stands frozen.
Range straightens up, tightens his gun belt. Oblivious.
Bad Bill runs off in terror.
RANGO
Now that's what I'm talking about.
The hawk lands behind him.
Rango thinks he has done it.
RANGO
Alright now, listen up. Things are going to be different around here now that Range's in town. 
RANGO (CONT'D)
Got some new rules! I want my shoes
shined every morning, my coffee hot
with a Danish on the side .•.
Rango struts down the street pumped up.
RANGO
And whatever you do ..• don't look me in the eye. stay out of my
peripheral vision ••.
INT. GENERAL STORE
Townsfolk gather around a window.
RANGO (O,S.) ... which is a wedge-shaped area of
optical visuality in a ninety- degree arc on either side ...
WAFFLES
Hey, it's Rango.
CLINKER
What's he up to?
MR. SNUGGLES
Why he ain't afraid of nobody. He's
telling that bird what's for.
EXT, MAIN STREET
RANGO ..• And when you see me coming,
stand aside, I take large steps and
I don't want none of you hayseeds
getting your bodily fluids on my
boots!
Rango turns and stops. The ferocious hawk looms above him,
RANGO
--Of course there is no need for violence as long as we stick together, work as a team. So I want you all to come outside now and line up single file while I take a brief intermission.
He darts into the outhouse. slams the door. 
PRISCILLA
What's he doing now?
WAFFLES
I--I think it's a number two.
EXT. MAIN STREET
The hawk slices apart the outhouse with his claws •.. Revealing Rangoon the toilet.
Hazel Moats runs into the street to reclaim his hat ... the hawk turna.
HAZEL MOATS
Never--nevermind ...
Rango takes off -- a trail of toilet paper stuck to his
backside -- The hawk gives chase •.•
INT. SALOON
Everyone runs from one window to another, following the
action. They think they see Rango chasing after the hawk.
ELBOWS
Take a look-see over here.
BUFORD
Well look at him now.
HITCH
He's chasing after that hawk!
ELGIN
Give him hell, Rango!
INT. LIVERY - DAY
The Hawk chases Rango through the Livery--
EXT. VENDING MACHINE
30
31
32
33
34
Rango escapes into an abandoned vending machine. Disguising himself in a package of licorice. The hawk slams at it in
frustration. Dislodges a coin. Rango is vended--
The hawk reaches in to claim her prize -- An empty wrapper
EXT. WATER TOWER
Range's running for his life down Main Street -- licorice
tied around his waist, dragging behind him ...
The hawk grabs the licorice--
35
Range desperately holds on to the support beams of the Water
Tower -- The hawk tugs--
Range takes out his gun -- aims at the hawk -- then at the
licorice connecting them--
BANG!
The single shot ricochets wildly all around the town and
happens to sever the cable holding the water tower up ..•
The water tower falls over and .•.
Kills the hawk!
The townspeople gradually emerge, peeking out, whispering to
each other, just like the Munchkins in the WIZARD OF OZ:
TOWNSPEOPLE
Whoa ... I can't believe it ...
MR, FURGUS
Did you see that ... ?
BUFORD
He killed that thing.
LUCKY
Don't get too close.
BUFORD
What do you think, Doc?
DOC
(examining it)
This hawk ... is dead!
PRISCILLA
(poking it with a stick)
Shoot, I eay we cook that right up.
SPOONS
(checks Range's gun) He did it with one bullet! 
HAZEL MOATS
Just like he said ••.
The townspeople share a look. Growing excitement.
WAFFLES
About time we had a hero 'round
here.
ELGIN
one who ain't in a pine box.
BUFORD
I think it's time he met the Mayor.
SPOONS
You hear that Range? You're going
to meet the Mayor.
TOWNSPERSON
Let's hear it for Range!
TOWNSPEOPLE
WAAAHOO! YEE-HAW!
Range's face tranafonna. A hero at last!
on a rooftop, the Mariachis strum their instruments:
SENOR FLAN
And so the stranger basks in the
adulation of his new friends
sinking deeper into the guacamole
of his own deception.
LUPE
When is he going to die?
SENOR FLAN
Soon compadre ... soon.
INT. MAYOR'S OFFICE-WAITING ROOM - DAY
Tick ..• tick ... tick •.. An old watch serves as a clock.
36
Range sits across from the Mayor's receptionist, a slinky fox named ANGELIQUE. Range takes a swing with a golf club.
BEANS (O,S,)
My land is not for sale!
·Startled, Range knocks a case of golf balls off the wall. 
MR. MERRIMACK {O, S,)
Now Beans, he didn't mean to offend
you!
The doors to the Mayor's office fly open and Beans stomps
out, Mr. Merrimack follows.
BEANS
I came here to save my land, not
sell it!
MR. MERRIMACK
I'm sure there is something
reasonable we can work out-- If you
just talk to him,
(slips on the golf balls)
Beans, where are you going!? Beans!
Mr, Merrimack follows her out.
ANGELIQUE
The Mayor will see you now.
INT, MAYOR'S OFFICE - DAY
Water •..
Range is reflected in a perfect drop of water.
THE MAYOR
Water ... Mr. Range ... Water .•.
37
THE MAYOR, an old tortoise in a wheelchair, carefully lets a
single drop of water fall from an eyedropper into an empty
terrarium.
THE MAYOR
Without it, there's nothing but
dust and decay. But with water ...
there's life.
Little mites appear and scurry, drawn toward the water.
THE MAYOR
Look at them, so desperate to live,
they will follow the water anywhere. That's the immutable law
of the desert: control the water
and you control everything.
The Mayor unlocks a cabinet and removes a gorgeous cut-glass
decanter ..
THE MAYOR
This is from my private stock.
Vintage rainwater, from the great
deluge -- not Noah's deluge, good
heavens I'm not that old.
Range laughs along weakly.
The Mayor is about to pour water into Range's glass ••.
RANGO
I guess power has its privileges.
The Mayor stops--
THE MAYOR
You make a good point, son. But,
with privilege comes responsibility.
The Mayor rattles across the office in his mechanical
wheelchair to get a beautiful LEATHER BOX:
THE MAYOR
Hell, I was mayor here before there was a Dirt! And I may just be a sentimental old turtle, but I think
there's a future for this town ...
and I hope you'll be part of it.
He raises his glass. Toasts:
THE MAYOR
To Dirt!
RANGO
To Dirt.
Range "drinks" from his empty glass.
EXT. MAYOR'S BALCONY - DAY
The Mayor and Range emerge overlooking the whole town.
THE MAYOR You see them, Mr. Range? All my friends and neighbore ...
(beat) It's a hard life here. Very hard.
You know how they make it through
each and every day? They believe.
They believe it's going to be
better. 
THE MAYOR (CONT'D)
They believe that the_ water will come. They believe against all odds
and all evidence that tomorrow will
be better than today.
He looks at Rango deeply.
THE MAYOR
People have to believe in something ••• Right now, they believe in you.
He opens the leather box. It is filled with sheriff stars. The Mayor removes one and sets it on top of the box.
THE MAYOR
Pick it up, Mr. Rango. Your destiny
awaits.
Rango picks up the sheriff's star.
THE MAYOR
People have to believe in
something.
He smiles broadly, with big tombstone teeth.
OMITTED
EXT. MAIN STREET - DAY
The big clock on Main Street ticks toward noon.
Beane waits with Mr. Merrimack by her wagon outside the
General Store, watching the clock,
BEANS
It just don't make no sense ... Thia
whole town is drying up and the
Mayor is the only one who don't seem to be affected-- Doesn't that
make you just a wee bit suspicious--
and what about that water I saw out in the desert? Cause I seen it with
my own eyes--
MR, MERRIMACK
Alright, .. alright.,. There's no need to incite anxiety. I'll
enquire about the Mayor, But, if
you really feel there is some conspiracy occurring ••. I suggest
you take it up with the new sheriff. 
Mr. Merrimack gestures to the General Store and walks off.
Beans turns to the window and sees Rango inside.
INT. GENERAL STORE - DAY 41
Range's in front of a mirror trying to find the perfect look.
Angelique hovers nearby.
Patrons stare and whisper. Range's a celebrity now.
A black widow spider, MR. BLACK, in a fonnal black coat and
top hat is measuring Rango.
RANGO
Okay ••. Yeah .•. Oh hey! Watch
that needle there ... Not too tight now, I wanna leave a little room
for some pucker. A little up in
back? You got french cuffs with
that?
Rango tries on another hat. Beans interrupts.
BEANS
Excuse me sheriff Rango, I want to talk to--
RANGO
Hey Beans! What do you think of the new duds? I got a ten-gallon hat
marked down from fifteen.
BEANS
That's riice ...
RANGO
Have you met Angelique?
ANGELIQUE
(disdain)
Hello • . . Beans.
BEANS
Hello Angelique.
ANGELIQUE
Tart.
BEANS
Floozy. 
ANGELIQUE
Trollop.
A gawking kid rat, LUCKY, gently touches Range's back.
LUCKY
Excuse me, Mr. Range.
Range spins, pulling his gun on Lucky--
RANGO
I'll blow that ugly right off your
face!
The kid's mother, DELILAH -- a Bible-toting matron, is
aghast. Lucky shyly offers Range his autograph book:
LUCKY
I was just thinking that I •••
RANGO
Oh yeah •.• want the old John
Hancock, do ya?
(hands Lucky his gun)
Here hold this.
Range signs. Lucky plays with the gun. Delilah is shocked.
BEANS
Sh-- Sheriff this isn't a social
call. ••
LUCKY
There's a bullet in there!
RANGO
Oh I know, I know about the
ol shindig this afternoon-- I
ordered myself some 'right
fancy duds.
DELILAH
Put that down Lucky!
Range remains completely oblivious.
BEANS
I'd like to file--
DELILAH
Mr. Range!
RANGO
(grabs Delilah's book)
Oh you too? No problem -- here let me just ..• 
BEANS
I need you to investigate--
Range swiftly signs Delilah's book.
RANGO
You know Beans, I bet you clean up
real nice if you put a little
effort into it.
BEANS
What!?
Range takes back his gun, pats Lucky on the head:
RANGO
Remember, son, stay in
school, eat your veggies,
burn everything but
Shakespeare.
LUCKY
Who's Shakespeare?
BEANS
(she's had it)
BEANS
Sheriff .•. sheriff!
SHERIFF RANGO! !! If that is your
real name ... I am trying to save my
daddy's ranch, which is on the
verge of an agricultural meltdown,
while you are playing patty cake
with this trollop--!
Beans freezes again.
Angelique passes, placing a bowl of fruit on Beans' head:
ANGELIQUE
sad really, such a drab little
thing.
RANGO
(re: Beans) Why does she do that?
MR. FURGUS It 1 s a survival re£lex.
DOC
Her switch is just broken.
RANGO
Well that is an inconvenience.
Beans wakes up, picks up exactly where she left off--
BEANS
--it's not a rash it's a birthmark!
(takes a deep breath)
I did it again didn't I?
RANGO
Did what?
BEANS
Let me ask you something -- Did
anybody here mention what happened
to our last sheriff?
A hammering sound comes from outside. It's Mr. Black building a new coffin.
Range realizes: Mr. Black's the undertaker.
EXT. MAIN STREET
The big clock on Main Street tolls out twelve o'clock •..
INT. GENERAL STORE
Everyone in the General Store slowly begins to leave as if
they were hypnotized.
Range is mystified ••. follows them out.
EXT. AROUND DIRT-VARIOUS LOCATIONS - DAY
We see people responding to the tolling bell •..
EXT. MAIN STREET - DAY
42
43
44
45
The townspeople gather, each holding an empty bottle, glass
or container of some sort ...
RANGO
Urn ... excuse me ..• may I ask y--?
... the last sheriff? ... Pardon me
... where is everybody go--? What
exactly happened to--?
The entranced townspeop1e don't reepond.
The toll stops ..• The townsfolk form into a line and begin a
dance number to HANK WILLIAMS' legendary song "COOL WATER".
The most bizarre synchronized line dance ever put on
celluloid. 
EXT, DIRT-OUTSIDE TOWN - DAY
Range cuts into line behind a big Indian bird with one leg
called WOUNDED BIRD, and in front of little Priscilla,
RANGO
Well ••. this is a heck of a hoedown you got going -- still
working out those steps. So is this
considered nonnal civic behavior?
PRISCILLA
Mhm. Every Wednesday ..• just like clockwork.
Wounded Bird, who is laconic in the extreme, speaks to Range:
WOUNDED BIRD
You kill bird.
RANGO
Yep .•• as a matter of fact, I did.
WOUNDED BIRD
Bird dead. Snake come.
RANGO
snake?!
PRISCILLA He means Rattlesnake Jake, Mr.
Range. He never comes into town 'cause he's a scared of that hawk.
But he might come now -- can I have
your boots when you're dead?
RANGO
No! -- And I got no problem with
this Rattlesnake Jake.
PRISCILLA
That's just what Amos said!
RANGO
Amos?
She points.
EXT, GRAVEYARD
Rango sees a line of tombstones. One reads:
"HERE LIES AMOS, BELOVED SHERIFF, TUESDAY - FRIDAY,"
In fact, there's a whole series of sheriff's graves here.
Rango gulps.
PRISCILLA (0,S.)
You got any gold fillings?
EXT. THE FAUCET - DAY
Rango sees that the entire mad ritual is gradually leading
the people of Dirt to an enormous, human-sized faucet.
The Mayor is atop a piece of scaffolding •.• addresses the crowd:
THE MAYOR
My fellow Dirtonians I welcome
you to our great day of
deliverance, Hallelujah!
TOWNSPEOPLE
Hallelujah!
THE MAYOR
(calls out)
Acolytes, PREPARE THE HOLY SPIGOT!
THE ACOLYTES -- two frogmen in scuba gear and chain mail--
step forward raising the holy spigot toward the sky.
THE MAYOR
We have a newcomer amongst us
today, my friends. A man I think
needs little introduction to you,
so bold has been his entry into our
fair society ... Mr. Rango, would
you step forward?
48
Rango struggles with Mrs Daisy for the jar back. Rango grabs
a tin cup and moves to the front of the line, He can't
believe he is finally ... finally ... going to get a drink of
water.
Rango waits eagerly, right under the faucet.
The townspeople begin to chant.
THE MAYOR The time has come, my friends, the
time that was foretold!
TOWNSPEOPLE
Hallelujah! 
THE MAYOR
The sacred time!
The Acolytes hoist the spigot into position on the faucet.
TOWNSPEOPLE
Hallelujah!
THE MAYOR
The time of destiny!
TOWNSPEOPLE
Hallelujah!
THE MAYOR
The time of deliverance!
TOWNSPEOPLE
Hallelujah!
THE MAYOR
It is the time of ,,, HYDRATION!
The chant reaches a crescendo! The Acolytes turn the spigot!
Nothing ..• A gasp through the crowd,
Then, , , GLOOP !
One big glob of mud falls from the spigot. covering Rango.
SPLAT!
The townspeople are ·stunned, a few call out:
MISS DAISY
It's his fault!
DELILAH
It's the newcomer! Burn him!
TOWNSPERSON (O.C.)
He's a witch!
PRISCILLA I get his boots!
THE MAYOR
My friends ,,, My friends, temper
your frustrations, Times will be
tough from now on. 
THE MAYOR (CONT'D)
Sacrifices will have to be made,
but if I can help in any way,
please know that my door is always--
BEANS
Hold it! Hold it! Now this whole
thing stinks three ways to Sunday.
First, the bank's run dry and now this here spigot •••
TOWNSPERSON
Bank's run dry?
CREVICE
What she talkin' about?
BONNIE
She said there's no water in the
bank!
Everyone looks at Beans.
CUT TO--
INT, BANK - DAY
PANDEMONIUM! A run on the bank!
49
Mr, Merrimack and Parsons are trying to hold back the tide:
BGHAZELMOATS
Give me my liquid assets! ••• Close
my rehydration account!
MR. MERRIMACK
Hold on now! Hold on! This is all we have! We can't give it all out!
Then -- BANG!
A gunshot, Everyone turns.
Rango is standing at the back of the crowd. He holsters his
gun.
RANGO
None of that civil disobedience in my town, thank you very much!
He swaggers his way toward the bank teller gate.
MR, MERRIMACK
Thank goodness you're here sheriff,
Things are getting out of hand. 
Mr. Merrimack lets Rango inside as the crowd pushes their way
through behind him. He struts to the vault door ••.
RANGO
Ah ... Now let me just take a gander at the source of the
societal discontentment here.
(gasps at the sight of
water!)
Mercy ...
Standing next to the jug of water, Rango addresses the crowd:
RANGO
Alright, listen up ••• I've been
thinking and I believe I figured
something out: you folks have a water problem.
Everyone grumbles in agreement.
RANGO
Now pay attention everybody. I'm
trying to make a point here ••. (walks over to someone,
takes his cup)
Lets say this fella here were to take a drink of water, just one little drink, no harm, no foul,
right?
(drinks, spins on someone) And YOU! Why you're just as dried
up and parched as a jackrabbit in
July! so you belly up here and you
take you a double shot-
(drink, drink)
Stay with me ... What do you think
happens then? .•• Why, we'd all be
drinking!
(drink, drink, drink)
And before you know it there
wouldn't be any more water and then
where would we be? We'd be thirsty ... real thirsty! We'd turn on each
other like a bunch of animals!
The crowd of animals stare back bewildered.
RANGO Now look here, we've got six days
of water ... 
Air releases in the bottle .•• the water line drops below
five days.
RANGO
(panicked)
We've got five--fi-- days. As long as we've got water, we've
got ourselves a town.
The Mayor looks at Rango, an idea sparking:
THE MAYOR
Sheriff Rango is right. So long as we have this water, we have some hope.
RANGO
And you can all take it from me, my one hundred percent full-time
employment from this moment on will
be to protect our precious natural resource.
He gives a steely look.
RANGO
Ain't no one going to tango with
the Rango.
EXT. MAIN STREET - NIGHT
Rango struts, wearing his new outlandish sheriff duds.
RANGO
(tipping his hat)
Evening ladies.
FRESCA
Evening Sheriff.
EXT. SALOON - NIGHT
MELONEE
Evening Sheriff.
Gordy is tossed out of the double doors.
BAR PATRON (O.S.)
Don't you come back!
Rango grabs his hat and spins Gordy back into the saloon:
RANGO
Whoa! Hold on there, Gordy. Now you
get back in there and assert yourself. 
RANGO (CONT'D)
And I think you'll find the people
of this here town to be
surprisingly hospitable.
GORDY
(entering the saloon)
Thank you, sheriff .•.
BAR PATRON (O.S.)
What!? Not you again!
Rango continues on as Gordy SMASHES through the window.
RANGO
I stand corrected.
Rango takes notice of something in the middle of the road.
SCENE OMITTED
EXT. MAIN STREET - NIGHT
52
53
The ground suddenly erupts from a little hole: Two hillbilly
prairie doge, EZEKIEL and JEDIDIAH, pop their heads out.
JEDIDIAH
(looks around)
Thie ain't the bank.
EZEKIEL
(slaps hie head)
I told you, Jedidiah!
RANGO (O,S.)
Hold it right there!
They spin. Rango approaches with his gun drawn.
EZEKIEL
It's the Sheriff--!
RANGO
Get them hands up where I can see 'em.
Ezekiel and Jedidiah slowly raise their hands.
RANGO
Just as I suspected ... prospectin 1
without the authorized equipment. Don't move a muscle.
Rango walks away •..
JEDIDIAH
(to Ezekiel)
Prospectin'?
Rango returns with supplies •.•
RANGO
Now, you got your shovel, pickaxe,
Benedryl, Loofah, assorted snacks
and puzzle books .•• and you're
gonna need a permit.
From below, PAPPY, an old blind prairie dog, whacks both of
his boys over the head with a big walking stick.
PAPPY (O,S.)
Ezekiel! Jedidiah! What the Sam
Hill is going on up there?! I've
had polyps removed smarter than the two of you!
(sniffing)
Hells fire, this ain't the ba--!
EZEKIEL
(quickly)
Pappy! -- The Sheriff is standing
right here -- helping us out!
JEDIDIAH
Gonna give us a permit for
prospecting!
RANGO
That's right, sir. Just doing my
duty. The lonely constable on his
rounds, keeping an eagle eye out
for mayhem and malfeasance.
PAPPY
He look like he sounds?
JEDIDIAH
Uh-huh.
PAPPY
Well Sheriff, if we was to hit the
motherload -- being prospectors and
such -- Where would we deposit said
annuity? 
RANGO
Well, here in the town of Dirt we have the finest financial
institution this side of the
Missouri.
(gestures toward the bank)
Protected morning, noon and night
by yours truly.
Rango hands Pappy the permit as he gulps a piece of cactus fruit.
PAPPY
(smiles)
Much obliged.
CUT TO--
EXT. MAIN STREET - MORNING
Parsons runs down the street screaming:
PARSONS
THE BANK'S BEEN ROBBED! THE BANK'S
BEEN ROBBED! OH GOOD LORD THE
BANK'S BEEN ROBBED! IT'S ALL GONE!
THE WATER IS ALL GONE!
MR. FURGUS
What's goin' on?
SLIM
What'd he say?
MR. SNUGGLES
He said the bank's been robbed!
INT. SHERIFF'S OFFICE - MORNING
Rango bolts awake, his eyes covered with cucumber slices.
RANGO Dr. Marx, I'm on fire! Embrace
me ..•
The Mariachis sing heartily of Range's failure ...
MARIACHIS
The bank's been robbed, the town is
dry. "We'll die of thirst," the
people cry. He promised to protect the vault. The water's gone.
It's all his fault! 
INT. BANK - MORNING
Rango forces his way through the crowd to the vault--
The big bottle of reserve water is gone!
There is a hole dug up right in the middle of the floor.
RANGO
All right, folks, stand back, this
is a crime scene now. Clear the
area, secure the perimeter, dust
for prints, check for fibers, scan
for DNA, I want a urine sample from
everyone, and get me a latte, and
don't mix up the two.
PARSONS
(reading a bit of paper) 11 Prospecting penni t ''
RANGO
(snatches it back)
I'll take that. Material evidence.
MR. SNUGGLES
What are we gonna do now, Sheriff?!
SPOONS
We need that water!
BONNIE
We're all gonna die ...
The Mayor glides forward smoothly:
Silence.
THE MAYOR
Well, we all know what we have to
do now.
RANGO
That's right, we all know what we
have to do now! And that would
be ...
THE MAYOR
(under hie breath)
Form a posse.
RANGO
FARM A OPOSSUM!
THE MAYOR
(a little louder)
A posse.
EXT. MAIN STREET - MORNING
Rango is addressing the assembled townspeople.
RANGO
Now we're gonna be doing this in an
orderly fashion ••. First off, does
anybody here know how to use a
firearm of any kind?
BAM -- every single person pulls out a gun.
RANGO
All right then.
MR. FURGUS
What do we do now, sheriff?
RANGO
(eyes narrow)
Now • • . WE RIDE!
WHIP CRACK!
EXT. DESERT - DAY
Rango and his posse are racing over the desert landscape,
hell for leather. They use roadrunners as horses.
The Mariachi band plays the rousing music.
Spoons rides up next to Rango:
SPOONS
Where are we goin'?
RANGO
What?
SPOONS
Where are we going!?
Rango looks at him••• blinks ... he hae no idea.
CUT TO--
EXT. MAIN STREET - DAY
Rango is pinning a homemade Deputy star on Wounded Bird.
RANGO
Now as my deputy you'll be in
charge of all trackin' and findin'
of villains. Utilizing your welldeveloped Injun-uity -- no offense
taken. So, which way you think they
went? You wanna smell the air or commune with the great buffalo or something?
Wounded Bird points to the big prairie dog hole.
RANGO
oh •.• you're good.
INT. VAULT - DAY 60
The posse is in the process of jumping down into the hole
left by the bank robbers. Rango has a cheering word for each.
RANGO
Now I'm depending on you, Spoons .•. uh, got a little tobaccy in the
beard there.
Spoons jumps down the hole.
RANGO
Always good to have a medical man along, Doc.
Doc jumps down the hole.
RANGO
(to Buford)
Reptiles gotta stick together,
right my brother?
BUFORD
I'm an amphibian.
RANGO
Ain't no shame in that.
Buford jumps down the hole.
RANGO
(startled) Ohl ... You sure you're fit for
duty there soldier?
SGT. TURLEY, a bird with an arrow lodged in through his eye
stands before Rango. 
TURLEY
What?
RANGO
Well, you got a little something in
your eye there,
TURLEY
(pointing to his good eye)
oh that? That there is
conjunctivitis, sir. It's, uh,
hereditary.
RANGO
oh, well, glad to hear it's not contagious.
Turley jumps in the hole •.. revealing Beans.
RANGO
Now just wait one cotton-pickin'
minute! A posse ain't no place for
a--
Without a word she jumps down the hole, revealing little
Priscilla. Last in line.
She draws two enormous Colt dragoon pistols from her
briefcase.
RANGO
Whoa! Hold on there little sister.
someone's going to have to look
after the town while I'm gone.
PRISCILLA
Can I gut-shoot someone?
RANGO
Let's put a pin in that.
PRISCILLA
Sheriff •.. You are gonna bring that water back, aren't you?
RANGO Count on it, little aiater.
INT, TUNNELS - DAY 61
Rango drops down, joining the posse as they study a series of subterranean tunnel entrances. 
SPOONS
Which way do we go Sheriff?
DOC
There's tunnels everywhere •..
BUFORD
Whole town is perforated with 'em.
DOC
How'd them fellers find the bank
anyway?
RANGO
(quickly)
Gentlemen, if we could just stay ontask here.
AMBROSE (O,S,)
Sheriff, over here!
INT, TUNNELS-PIPE - DAY
The posse members are awestruck as they look up at an old
water pipe.
BUFORD
would you look at that?
SPOONS
Like seeing the face of God •••
ELGIN
Amen brother.
MR, FURGUS
I remember when it used to flow
every Wednesday.
AMBROSE
Those were the halcyon days.
ELGIN
Must be a reason she quit on us.
BEANS Whatever the reason, something is
controlling this here water.
WAFFLES
What do you say, sheriff? 
RANGO
Clearly the robbers came from this
direction. I say we track this pipe
back to its hydraulic origin and
apprehend the culprits behind this
aquatic conundrum.
BUFORD
What did he say?
TURLEY
I think he said follow the pipe.
WAFFLES
He said follow the pipe.
ELGIN
He said follow the pipe.
INT, CAVERN - DAY
They enter a large cavern .•.
RANGO
Whatever you do, do not look down.
(He looks down)
Whoa!
WAFFLES
What is this place?
BEANS
It's an aquifer.
WAFFLES
Ahhh ..• What's an aquifer?
BUFORD
Well, it's for aqua.
WAFFLES
Well ... it's empty now.
63
64
A GIANT SUBTERRANEAN CREATURE opens it's eye as they pass by,
DOC
That's a big one. 
INT. END OF PIPE TUNNEL
The pipe abruptly disappears into a cave wall.
MR. FURGUS
It's the end of the line.
SPOONS
It don't go no further.
BUFORD
Someone or somethin' is messing
with our hydration and that pipe's
got something to do with it.
ELGIN
Now, I thought we were following
bank robbers!
TURLEY
We are experiencing a paradigm
shift.
ELGIN
I'm goin' to shift the features on
your face if you don't shut up.
The posse erupts into chaos.
RANGO
Quiet you savages! Stop your babbling! You're affecting my
cogitation -- Whoa! I got it! snuff
out them torches.
65
They do. Rango suffocates his flame with his hat. Pitchblackness. They become aware of a sliver of light from above.
They're in awe.
BUFORD
sure enough.
SPOONS
smart thinkin' there feller!
WAFFLES Start cl.imbin' .
The posse members start climbing up roots toward the light.
MR, FURGUS
Get your foot out of my face!
RANGO
Not bad, huh Beans?
BEANS
You keep thinking like that your
hat's going to catch on fire.
RANGO
(putting his hat on)
Well, you know, you get on a roll
you--
Range's hat bursts into flames.
RANGO
WHOA! HOT. HOT. BURN. WHOA. OW!
EXT. DESERT-CACTUS GRAVEYARD - DAY
Rango and posse emerge from the hole. Dozens of the dead
cacti are crowded around.
Beans is particularly saddened by the sight.
BEANS
(touching the cactus)
Poor things. All they wanted was a
little water ...
MR. FURGUS
Cactus dying of thirst. That don't
bode well.
WAFFLES
Hey -- Hey, look what I found!
BUFORD
What you got there?
waffles shows a canteen.
ELGIN
Hey, I saw that first!
66
Elgin grabs at the canteen along with others. They all start wrestling for it.
TURLEY
He found some water!
WAFFLES
That's mine! 
ELGIN
Hold on! No! Umph! Give me that!
The canteen opens. No water. only sand pours to the ground.
ELGIN
Aw, it's empty anyway.
TURLEY
I knew that.
RANGO
Hey, where'd you find that?
AMBROSE (o.s.)
Sheriff! You're gonna wanna see this!
Range and the others run to where Ambrose is pointing.
BEANS
It's Mr. Merrimack from the bank ...
AMBROSE
What's he doing here?
RANGO
Everybody stand back.
DOC
Alright, let me see.
Doc examines the body of the rotund banker.
SPOONS
Looks like them varmints shot him
in the back.
DOC
No ••. This man wasn't shot ... He was drowned!
BUFORD
Drowned ••. ?
WAFFLES In the middie of the desert?
Doc closes Mr. Merrimack's eyes.
MR. FURGUS
What a way to go! 
Elgin notices red-mud boot prints near the body.
ELGIN
Well now, whose boot prints are
those?
Rango crouches down, investigates the prints.
RANGO
That's interesting •.. the ground's
still wet.
BEANS
I suppose we should bury him.
ELGIN
I dunno. Birds have gotta eat too.
WAFFLES
Circle of life,
BUFORD
(points up the hillside)
Hey, what's that dad-gum Indian
doin •?
EXT, DESERT-CREST OF THE HILL - DAY 67
The posse members approach Wounded Bird, who is pulling out
some feathers and tossing them up. Rango nods sagely:
RANGO
Ahh. I see you're consulting with
the spirits.
WOUNDED BIRD
No. I'm moulting. Means I'm ready
to mate.
RANGO
Oh ••• I'll keep that in mind.
Wounded Bird raises his crutch revealing a piece of cactus
fruit, one of the nuts Pappy likes to eat,
WOUNDED BIRD cactus fruit.
RANGO
Ah yes, the ancient cactus fruit. I
believe your people use it as seasoning when preparing your
native dishes.
Rango takes it and pops it into his mouth.
WOUNDED BIRD
Also natural laxative.
Rango quickly spits it out.
WOUNDED BIRD
Shh- Pick up trail •.• Three men,
heading west, one blind, one
with •..
(sniffs)
.•• enlarged prostate, riding
sidesaddle.
WAFFLES
What'd he say?
MR. FURGUS
(whispers)
They're riding sidesaddle.
BUFORD
What?
BEANS
Shh ... we 1
re whisperin'.
SPOONS
What'd he say?
TURLEY
Someone's got a bad valve.
DOC
(snapping a rubber glove)
Alright, which one of you fellers
needs a checkup?
WOUNDED BIRD
Awkward.
WAFFLES
(staring at the glove)
Ah What exactly are we gonna do
now?
RANGO
Now WE RIDE!
WHIP CRACK!
Then nothing. No music. 
Range turns to the Mariachis: unsure what to do.
RANGO
That means we're riding now ...
this moment.
WHIP CRACK!
They leap into rousing music.
EXT. DESERT-MONTAGE - DAY 68
Triumphant music ... spectacular scenery .•• the posse rides
hell for leather ... past Monument Valley ... through Death
Valley ... over mesas ... through slot canyons •• , Wounded
Bird checks the ground for the trail, points, they're off
again •.. The sun gradually sets it is a majestic sunset
... painting the desert crimson and vermillion •••
EXT. CAMP - NIGHT
Rango and the posse sit around a campfire.
WAFFLES
Marshmallows remind me of going
camping with my daddy, I could eat
'em all night long. Of course he
did make me cough them back up
again for breakfast.
69
Waffles' flaming marshmallow is snatched by Buford's tongue.
BUFORD
(belches)
Thie one time I coughed up an
entire Dalmatian.
ELGIN
That's nothing -- I coughed up an
entire tribe of pygmies ;., they
started looking at me weird.
MR. FURGUS
I remember them -- they was quite
friendly.
SPOONS
I found a human spinal column in my
fecal matter once.
Everyone is speechless. 
TURLEY
You might want to get that looked
at.
DOC
Pass the beans, Beans.
BEANS
Sheriff?
RANGO
Uh, no thanks.
SPOONS
Mr. Rango, can you tell us about
the Spirit of the West?
DOC
Ohh yeah, tell us about that!
WAFFLES
Is it true what they say?
RANGO
Ah, yes, the Spirit of the West.
Rango takes his glowing campfire branch and begins to draw in
the night sky,
RANGO
The eternally unattainable ideal
•.. They say he rides in an
alabaster carriage with golden
guardians to protect him. But he
only appears to those who have
undertaken an epic quest and have
made it ... to the other side.
TURLEY
Other side of what?
RANGO
It's a metaphor.
Rango leans on the stick, it bends and bounds away from him.
WMFLES
Ow! My eye!
RANGO
That's going to heal right up. 
AMBROSE
Uh, Sheriff, what are you going to do about Rattlesnake Jake?
A rattling sound is heard.
RANGO
(startled)
What? Where?
It's Spoons playing the spoons on his knee.
SPOONS
Sorry about that. Word is you come against him once 'r twice.
oh yeah
brother.
RANGO
Jake •.• You mean my
TURLEY
Your brother?
RANGO
That's what I said.
BUFORD
But he's a snake and you're a -- you're a lizard.
RANGO
Well -- momma had an active social
life.
POSSE MEMBERS
Ohhh.
MR. FURGUS
Did he ever bite you?
RANGO sure enough did.
(lifts up his shirt)
Look at that baby ..• Go ahead ... you can touch it.
DOC
That's interesting. That there's a bellybutton. 
RANGO
Luckily, I'm immune to his venom.
Put some in my coffee just to give
it a little tang.
WAFFLES
Ia it true he's only scared of them
hawks?
RANGO
Them'a what we call his natural
predator.
Coyote howls. Posse shutters in fear.
TURLEY
All this talk of that serpentine
devil is putting my quills on edge.
BUFORD
I ain't going to sleep tonight, no
sir.
RANGO
Don't you all worry about a thing.
Come tomorrow we'll locate that
water and return to a heroes
welcome.
SPOONS
(stands)
Friends, before we bunk down I'd
like to join hands for a moment.
say a few words to the spirit of
the West.
POSSE MEMBERS
(under their breath)
Oh yeah, that's a good idea.
They all stand and join hands for a simple prayer:
SPOONS
Ain't always spoken rightly to you,
Spirit of the West ••. But tonight
I want to thank you for bringing Sheriff Rango into our lives ...
Rango looks from face to face. The sincerity and faith he
sees unsettles him. These people really trust him. 
SPOONS
It's a hard life we got; sometimes
I don't know how we're going to make it. But somehow Sheriff Rango
makes me think we will .•.
Rango finally looks to Beans. She looks back at him. A very
complex expression on her face. Does she believe? Does she want to believe?
SPOONS
We needed a brave man, and you sent us one. Nice to have someone to
believe in again ... Thank you,
Spirit of the West ••• Amen.
POSSE MEMBERS
Amen ••. Amen to that.
EXT. CAMP - NIGHT - LATER
Rango can't sleep. He notices Beans standing alone on the crest of a hill. He goes to her •..
He's not sure if she's frozen or not. He waves his hat in
front of her face. She turns to him.
RANGO
Oh •.. Just checking. It's a-- little cold tonight.
He places his blanket around her.
BEANS
Thank you.
70
Rango uncomfortably notices a cactus looming near over him ••.
RANGO
You ever feel like those things are looking at you?
BEANS
That's a "Spanish Dagger" ... But
around here we just call them the
"Walking Cactus".
RANGO
Walking? 
BEANS
There's an old legend that they
actually walk across the desert to
find water ... When I was a little
girl I'd stay up late watching to
see if they'd move. Thought if I
could follow them they would lead
me to someplace wonderful.
Someplace with enough water for
everyone ... Night after night I
watched them ... I never saw them
move.
RANGO
But you're still watching.
BEANS
Who doesn't want to find someplace
wonderful?
Beans looks out over the valley in the distance.
RANGO
We'll find the water, Beans. I
promise you.
Something new in his tone makes her look up. He's serious.
She holds his gaze ... A coyote howls.
BEANS
(shivers)
That's such a lonely sound •.. You
ever get lonely?
RANGO
Sometimes.
BEANS
I can't imagine it. You're such a
charmer and everyone likes you so
much ... I never made friends easy
like that.
RANGO
No?
BEANS
No, we were pretty isolated out
there on the ranch sort of like
being sealed up in a little box.
Don't really see a lot of folks. 
RANGO
(quietly)
Theatrical Script 2/4/11 67.
I wouldn't know what that's like.
She finally swnmons up her nerve. Doesn't look at him.
BEANS
Is there someone special in your
life, Range?
RANGO
Oh, well, there used to be, but she
couldn't keep her head ••. Besides, my life's too dangerous for that
kind of thing ... You know it's an awful solitary existence out there on the prairie, riding the ranges and the suchlike ...
He trails to silence. Turns to her. Stops. Waves his hand in
front of her.
She's frozen.
A beat.
RANGO Beans? Uh ... Beans?
He gently leans over .•• kisses her cheek.
He sighs, •. walks back to camp.
She slowly smiles ... She wasn't frozen at all.
EXT, PRAIRIE DOG TOWN - DAY
We're looking through a spyglass,,.
71
We see a bizarre prairie dog town built into a cliff face. It
appears to be deserted except for:
Pappy and Jedidiah are arguing about something. Pappy whacks
him on the head with his big stick, screaming invective.
PAPPY Ohh--I'm gonna skin you alive boy!
JEDIDIAH
It wasn't my fault pappy!-- I don't
know! 
PAPPY
I'm gonna whoop you like a red
headed stepchild.
EXT. CREST OF THE HILL 72
Rango lowers the spyglass. He's hidden on the crest of a hill
in the distance with Beans and Wounded Bird.
RANGO
choleric varmints, ain't they?
WOUNDED BIRD
Dysfunctional family •.• need intervention.
BEANS
(sees something) What's that comin'?
Rango raises the spyglass again.
EXT. PRAIRIE DOG TOWN 73
Ezekiel pulls up in a wagon hauling the big bottle of water
from the bank, covered with a tarp.
RANGO
(gasps!)
It's the water •..
The rest of the posse members gather around •••
EXT. CREST OF HILL
RANGO
I have a plan, and each and every one of you has a part to play.
SPOONS
What do I do!?
RANGO
Spoons, you got the most important
job of all ..• You stay up here on the ridge and if anything goes wrong ••• you give the signal.
EXT. CREST OF THE HILL - MOMENTS LATER
74
74A
The posse members load their guns as Rango warms his voice
RANGO
Mma ! . . . Mmaaa !
(to Beane)
Hey Beane, what size dress you
wearin'?
EXT, PRAIRIE DOG TOWN - DAY
Pappy walks toward the wagon, delighted with the water.
JEDIDIAH
Look, he got it! Pappy, he found
the water!
PAPPY
Hallelujah! You did it, eon!
EZEKIEL
Well actually ...
PAPPY
(whacking Jedidiah)
Why can't you be all brainy like
your brother?
EZEKIEL
Now, Pappy, about that water--
There's eomethin' I gots to tell
ya'.
PAPPY
(turns suddenly)
Shhh. Hush up now ... there'e someone
coming.
Range, now wearing Beans' dress, sweeps forward with his
traveling troupe of actors. Everyone is in Renaissance
clothing.
RANGO
(theatrical grande dame)
Whoa-oh! Ha-ha. Good, sire!
Gracious good afternoon to thee and
thee and thee! May I present --
Madame Lupone's Terpsichorean
Troupe of Traveling Thespians!
PAPPY
Wha-- what is that?
EZEKIEL
I think they's thespians. 
PAPPY
Thespians?! That's illegal in seven states.
Again, Range holds two palm fronds up as curtains .•• Addresses CAMERA:
RANGO
The stage is set. The princess
prepares to take her own life.
Reveal the princess, Beans:
BEANS
I yearn for love.
RANGO
Meanwhile, the lone sentry stands
watch at the castle gate!
ELGIN
(bad acting)
Hark. Who goes there?
PAPPY
This plot's highly predictable.
EZEKIEL
(loves the theatre)
Quiet, this is my favorite part!
RANGO
Arriving to great fanfare, 'twas
her aged father •.•
Mariachi trumpets play. Reveal Sgt. Turley, dressed as the
father but still with an arrow protruding from his eye.
RANGO
(re: Turley)
Strucketh by cupid.
TURLEY
(struggling)
Um ... Prithee unhand my fair
daughter, and reach for the ... line.
EZEKIEL
Reach for the sky!
The posse members pull their guns surrounding the prairie
dogs. 
PAPPY
What was that?
Theatrical Script 2/4/11 71.
JEDIDIAH
Must be that Immersive Theatre.
RANGO
We got you surrounded. So you and
your entire family get your hands
up where we can see 1 ern.
PAPPY
(chuckles)
My entire family?
A rumble .•• Heads begin to emerge from the soil •.. Hundreds
of Inbred Rodents ...
INBRED RODENTS
(chanting)
Grits 'n spit 'n collard greens •.. Waffle chitlins, monkey brains ... Refried bones 'n booger blood
Pickled eggs 'n flaps of mud!
They all pull assorted weapons -- the posse members spin -- everyone points guns at everyone else. It's an amphitheater
full of inbred rodents ...
RANGO
(in awe) It's a full house.
PAPPY
Looks like we got ourselves a good
old-fashioned stand off.
RANGO
(steely)
I'll have you know, you're not looking at our entire contingent.
SPOONS (O.S.) caw-caw-caw . .. caw-caw . .. caw . ..
On the bluff in the distance -- Spoons is flapping hie arms like crazy ...
LASSO RODENT
What's that-- what's that supposed to be? 
ELGIN
That's the signal.
WAFFLES
Theatrical Script 2/4/11 72.
That's the signall something must
have gone wrong.
spoons is waving two flags over his head, then runs over to a
campfire and starts to create smoke signals.
So, uh
happen?
PAPPY
somethin' supposed to
RANGO
I'm open to suggestions.
Spoons collapses from exhaustion -- raises his pistol and
fires into the air -- BANG!
The javelina takes off running with the water!
RANGO
RUUUUUNNNJ
Range and the posse members race toward the wagon!
BEANS
Get on the wagon!
Pappy stands back with his sons.
PAPPY
Should we have ourselves some
sport, chill'ens?
JEDIDIAH
(smiles)
I likes it when they run.
They pull aviator goggles into place. We see all the prairie
dogs doing the same thing, getting more and more excited.
PAPPY
Maybelle, give the holler.
MAYBELLE, an inbred rodent with pigtails and a platform boot on one foot, raises her head and gives the loudest, moat
DELIVERANCE-like scary/funny hog holler imaginable.
All of the rodents respond dropping into their holes. Soon
the entire place is deserted. 
EXT. PRAIRIE DOG CANYON-WAGON - DAY 76
Range and the others cling to the wagon as it barrels through
the narrow slot canyons at top speed--
WAFFLES
Looks like we made it!
RANGO
That audience was quite responsive.
BEANS
Yeah, well I think that chromosome
pool is about dried up.
EXT. PRAIRIE DOG TOWN - DAY
Pappy stands alone ••. then suddenly ..• a swarm emerges ...
A black cloud emanates from the cliff dwellings ...
BATS!
THE PRAIRIE DOGS ZOOM INTO SIGHT -- RIDING ON BATS!
Hooting and hollering!
BAT AND WAGON ACTION SEQUENCE
The posse members try to escape as the bats approach.
WAFFLES
We got bats!
RANGO
(hands over the reins)
Oh, here ... you drive.
Beans snaps the reins.
MAYBELLE
Looks like there's gonna be soup
tonight!
77
78
The bats swoop down in formation to attack, the prairie dogs
cheer as they fire modified Gatling guns, strafing the wagon.
INBRED RODENTS Yee-haw!
PAPPY What in tarnation!? 
PAPPY (CONT'D) (smacks Ezekiel with h'
stick) is
Don't shoot the water!
(calls out)
Jedidiah! It's time for the Alabama
squeeze box!
Okay Pa!
JEDIDIAH
The bats dive in toward the wagon/
WAFFLES
I'm sensing hostility.
BUFORD In coming!
Two bats swoop in to each side of the wagon -- both Inbred
Rodents draw their weapons on Rango and Beans,
INBRED RODENT #1
Hello.
INBRED RODENT #2
Goodbye,
Rango pulls the brake -- the rodents fire -- hitting each
other -- sending them into the canyon walls.
Another Inbred Rodent slams into the back of the wagon
propelling Rango onto the javelina.
PAPPY
Lasso-- that swine!
LASSO RODENT lassos Rango pulling him into the air.
RANGO
WHOOOA----!
Two rodent DYNAMITE KIDS slingshot TNT toward the wagon.
AMBROSE
I suggest we take evasive action.
BEANS
I suggest you shut up and shoot!
ELGIN
What happened to the sheriff?
BEANS He had a previous engagement. 
Pappy commands his squadron:
PAPPY
Boseefus, give 'em some gumbo now!
Another group of Inbred Rodents drop down on ropes.
A thud is heard in the back of the wagon.
BEANS
What was that?
(re: Waffles)
Go check it out!
Waffles peeks over the top of the wagon -- An Inbred Rodent
with two knives approaches •..
BEANS
What is it? Ia there a problem?
WAFFLES
Uh ... You could call it that.
Meanwhile, Rango's lost it -- imagining a fantastic slow
motion aerial ballet while being pulled through the chaos.
Two rodent gunners circle around and take fire on Rango--
waking him from his dream--
Action Sequence: Rango panics: Bats collide: Rango lands on another bat: Drops a stick of dynamite ... BOOM!
A rock pillar falls creating a low bridge ahead of the wagon.
Beans maneuvers the wagon just under the bridge
the KNIFE ATTACKER,off.
WAFFLES
Headache!
KNIFE ATTACKER
(stands defiantly)
Is that all you got?
The bridge collapses -- crushing him.
knocking
Rango drops from a bat and onto Spoons' roadrunner--
Spoons peeks out from beneath Range's dress:
SPOONS
That wasn't all together
unpleasant,
They ride on toward the wagon--
Rodents make there way to the front of the wagon.
BEANS
(To the first rodent)
Here, hold this.
Beans punches a Rodent off the wagon--
BEANS
Get your hands off me!
kicks off another--
Range grabs hold of the wagon -- swings into the front seat --
SMACK! -- Beans punches him, oops.
They share a smile,,,
BAM! They hit a large rock sending the wagon out of control--
RANGO
Jump!
Beans and Rango land safely--
The wagon crashes
ground ahead.
sending the water bottle rolling to the
EXT, CRASH SITE
It's empty! No water .•. The battle is over ...
They all gather around the broken bottle, winded from the
chase. Mr. Merrimack's glasses are inside.
WAFFLES
It's impossible ...
BEANS
It can't be .•• It's empty.
BOSEEFUS
There's no water ...
PAPPY
(surprised) No water?! What the hell we been
fightin' for? 
RANGO
Sir, you have defiled and
desecrated the very sustenance of our livelihood.
JEDIDIAH
I think that there fella in the
pretty dress is the sheriff.
PAPPY
Same fella what give us our prospecting permit?
BEANS
A what?
RANGO
Irrelevant! Obfuscation ... You and
your kin are under arrest for bank
robbery--· and the murder of our beloved financial advisor. Johannes
Merrimack III aka Fluffy Joe.
EZEKIEL
Sheriff, we didn't kill nobody. We
done tunneled into that vault -- but there weren't nothing in it.
JEDIDIAH
Somebody done robbed the bank
before we robbed it!
BEANS
(re: the water bottle)
So wqere did you get this here jug?
EZEKIEL
That's what I've been trying to tell you, pappy ... I found it in
the desert.
PAPPY
Then why in tarnation did you bring
it here?!!
Pappy whacks him over the head with his walking stick.
RANGO
Hold on, hold on. You're saying
this here jug was empty when you
found it? 
EZEKIEL
That's right!
ELGIN
I don't believe a word of it.
BUFORD
Let's hang 'em sheriff.
TURLEY
String 'em up!
AMBROSE
Who would dump water in the desert?
BEANS
(looks to Rango)
Wouldn't be the first time.
WAFFLES
It's a puzzle, it's like a big old
Mammogram.
MR. FURGUS
What's going on Sheriff?
RANGO
I don't know -- but I'm going to
strip away this mystery and expose
its private parts.
(to Pappy and his sons)
You and your kin are coming with
me.
We hear a bell beginning to toll •••
EXT. MAIN STREET - DAY
The townspeople are waiting ... A shout from a kid raccoon:
CLETUS
They're coming! Here they come!
80
The posse rides slowly into town. Silent. They are dejected.
CURLIE Looks like they founQ the robbers.
PRISCILLA
Where's the water?
BEANS
(slowly riding past)
There weren't no water.
The townspeople are stunned. Anguish and despair.
Rango sees Priscilla. She's looking up at him. Disappointed.
He can't bare to look at her anymore. He finds Beans' eye,,,
Rango rides ahead.
HITCH
Where's he going?
ELGIN
He's going to see the Mayor.
EXT. PRE-CONSTRUCTION SITE - DAY 81
WHACK! -- A golf ball sails through the sky. Only it's not a
golf ball. It's a pill bug, being used as a golf ball.
KINSKI
Oh, he's gotta be pleased with
that, yeah?
CHORIZO
That's a good one boss!
They are at a small pre-construction site in the desert.
Bad Bill and his gang are wearing golfing outfits,
Rango is sitting on a bench, pulling on golf shoes. He looks
over at a pair of muddy boots, examines,
RANGO
Huh ... That's interesting.
The Mayor finishes overlooking plans with a CONSTRUCTION
PRAIRIE DOG,
THE MAYOR
I do apologize for the shoes, Mr. Range, but there's a certain protocol to this game, you
understand? I'm a bit of a stickler for protocol.
RANGO
Well, that's good. cause you've got
a few questions to answer and I've
got my own protocol.
Range's clubs fall out of his bag. CRASH!
EXT, PRE-CONSTRUCTION SITE - LATER
BAD BILL
•.. But why would anyone dump water
in the bloomin' desert?
THE MAYOR
(to Rango)
It does seem a bit naive taking the
word of admitted bank robbers, Mr.
Rango. Besides, once they hang your
job ia done.
CHORIZO
(laughing maniacally)
Bravo!
KINSKI
Job well done.
Bill and hie guys laugh.
RANGO
But what if somebody did rob the
bank before they got there?
THE MAYOR
And who would do that, Mr. Rango?
RANGO
I was hoping you could tell me.
Rango is getting ready to hit a drive, teeing up hie pill
bug. The Mayor slowly turns to face Rango.
THE MAYOR
That sounds marginally near to an
accusation.
Rl\NGO
Take it any way you like,
82
Rango makes his back swing -- the club goes flying -- KONKS
Chorizo on the head--
EXT. PRE-CONSTRUCTION SITE - LATER
RANGO
Something you said keeps rattling
around in my frontal lobe.
THE MAYOR
What's that?
RANGO
"Control the water and you control
everything."
THE MAYOR
(smiles)
come now, Mr. Range, you attribute
divine power to me. How on earth
could I possibly control the water?
The Mayor putts -- a great putt -- sinks it.
Range prepares to putt, comically.
RANGO
You've obviously mastered this
gazne.
THE MAYOR
Well, I've been playing it for a
great many years, sir. I was here
before the highway split this great
valley. I've watched the march of
progress and I learned a thing or
two ... Perhaps it's time y~u
started to take the long view:
begin to appreciate the broad sweep
of history.
83
He gestures for Range to look through one of the surveyor's
telescopes. Range does.
THE MAYOR
Look out there, son ... You can
almost see time passing.
RANGO
What are you building out here?
THE MAYOR
The future, Mr. Range, the future.
(gestures out)
One day soon all this is going to fade into myth •..
THE MAYOR (CONT'D)
The Frontier Town, The Lawman, the
Gunslinger ... There's just no
place for them anymore. We're
civilized now.
Bad Bill and his henchmen laugh as they walk by.
BAD BILL
That's right. civilized.
THE MAYOR
That's what the future holds •..
You can either be a part of it or
you can be left behind.
RANGO
Is that what happened to Mr.
Merrimack ..• did he get left
behind?
THE MAYOR
Careful, Mr. Range. You seem to
forget you're just one little
lizard.
RANGO
You seem to forget
around these parts.
He's dead serious.
I'm the law
He turns and walks away -- The Mayor's smile fades.
THE MAYOR
our new sheriff has been playing
the hero for so long he's actually
starting to believe it. Call in
Rattlesnake Jake.
Bad Bill is clearly terrified of Jake.
BAD BILL
What?! --- Jake's the grim reaper.
He never leaves without taking a
blooming soul.
THE MAYOR Do it!
The Mayor hits one final pill bug over the hill ...
EXT. OTHER SIDE OF HILL 84
We rise over the hill to reveal a massive construction site.
Whatever the Mayor's planning on building here, it's
grandiose.
INT. JAIL - EVENING
Red sky outside. Almost sunset.
85
Mournful prison music as we pan across the three prairie dogs
in the jail cell ... Jedidiah is whittling ••. Ezekiel is
reading his Bible as Pappy slicks down his hair:
PAPPY
Now be still, you gotta look
presentable to meet your maker.
The Mariachi perform somberly while hanging from support
beams ...
MARIACHIS
La muerte a llegado. Death has
arrived. Donde estan tus juevos?
How will the hero survive?
We continue on to Rango pacing, while Beans and wounded Bird
study a map.
WOUNDED BIRD
The Mayor has bought up all the
land in the valley, except for your ranch Miss Beans.
BEANS It just don't make no sense,
without water that land is useless.
RANGO
Unless he controls the water, like a monkey's bladder, then he could
bring it back once he's bought up
all the land.
BEANS
But how does he control the water.
Then little Priscilla runs in from outside:
PRISCILLA
Sheriff, we got a problem.
outside, a lynch mob gathers in front of the jail calling for
rodent prisoner blood. Beans pulls a shotgun off the rack but
Rango stops her. 
RANGO
Hold on Beans, that won't be
necessary.
EXT. MAIN STREET - EVENING
Wounded Bird and Beans guard the door to the jail as Rango
moves to the front of the crowd.
BONNIE
Hang him 'til his head turns blue!
WAFFLES
Give us them robbers!
ELGIN
String 'em up, Sheriff.
RANGO
Hold on! Calm down, everyone! Let
me talk--!
The crowd roars. Bloodthirsty.
MR. FURGUS
somebody's got to pay.
BONNIE
Nail 'em to the Courthouse.
BUFORD
That's how we do things here!
RANGO
Calm down everybody, come on now.
Rango sees some familiar faces in the crowd.
SPOONS
Get 'em out here so we can cut off
their giblets.
RANGO
You too, Spoons?
SPOONS
They done taken that water. They
taken everything we got.
RANGO
No one's stringing anyone up. Not while I'm Sheriff. 
HAZEL MOATS
But this is all his fault!
BONNIE
(to Rango)
You said you's gonna bring the
water back.
BUFORD
(to Rango)
It's just ..• we got no hope
without that water.
SPOONS
We got nothing left to believe in.
RANGO
You see that sign up there? As long
as that sign says "Sheriff" you can
believe that there's law and order
in this town ••. But without law
and order? Ruminate on that! ... Oh
yeah. It starts out slow, like a
fungus. somebody says a cross word,
accusations start flying, neighbor
turns on neighbor, pretty soon
we're eating our children, then
dogs and cats are getting together
to create all sorts of unnatural
mutant aberrations!
We see some of the town's lovable mutant aberration children.
RANGO
So you want something to believe
in, Spoons? ... Believe in me ...
Believe in that there sign. For as
long as it hangs there, we got
hope.
SUDDENLY--
BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!
Bullets trace across the "Sheriff" sign and it falls.
Everyone spins--
THEN A SOUND -- LIKE A SCREAM-- DEAFENING--
RRRRAAAAAATTTTTTLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEE!
The crowd steps back in terror -- Revealing--
RATTLESNAKE JAKE.
Bad Bill wasn't exaggerating: Jake is the Grim Reaper. A
vision from Hell in the red light of sunset.
His black hat covers his face. He slowly raises his head.
Revealing shining black eyes catching the red light of sunset. Burning into Range.
Jake blows the smoke from the Gatling gun-like weapon on his
tail.
RATTLESNAKE JAKE
Hello, brother.
He drains some venom into a cup and presents it to Rango.
RATTLESNAKE JAKE
Thirsty?
Jake chuckles as he moves forward with the side-winding
elegance of a ninja assassin, an unnerving undulating motion.
The Mayor, Bad Bill and his gang stand behind Jake. Amused.
Jake slowly circles around Rango, his head oscillating back
and forth.
RATTLESNAKE JAKE
Long time, brother ... How you been
keeping?
RANGO
Oh, well, you know, I ...
HISSSSS! Range's hat blows off. Rango freezes.
RATTLESNAKE JAKE
I hear you been telling about how
you killed all them Jenkins
brothers ... with one bullet wasn't
it? ... Isn't that right?
Range doesn't move, terrified.
RATTLESNAKE JAKE
All theee good folke here believe your little stories, don't they?
Why, they believe you're just a stone killer, don't they?
He slides over to Priscilla, who's standing with Beans. 
RATTLESNAKE JAKE
Seema these folks trust you
They think you're gonna save their
little town •.• They think you're
gonna save their little souls. But we know better, don't we?
He coils himself sensually around Beans. She squirms. He
licks her face with his terrible forked tongue.
Range doesn't move.
RATTLESNAKE JAKE So why don't you show your friends
here what you're made of? ••. Show
'em who you really are .•. Why
don't you just pull your gun and shoot me?
Jake pulls Range's gun with his tail and opens the chamber, starts dropping out bullets •..
RATTLESNAKE JAKE
But of course you won't need all
these ... Just one, right?
He leaves one bullet left in the chamber. Makes Range take
the gun. Jake puts the muzzle of Range's gun right against
his own forehead.
RATTLESNAKE JAKE
Go ahead, hero •.. pull the
trigger.
Range is shaking. Absolutely.terrified.
RATTLESNAKE JAKE
You got killer in your eyes, son? ... I don't see it.
Range drops his head .•. holsters his gun.
RATTLESNAKE JAKE
You didn't do any of them things
you said, did you? You didn't kill
them Jenkins brothers. You ain't even from the west, are you? ...
Say it.
RANGO
No. 
RATTLESNAKE JAKE
Oh speak up! I don't think your
friends heard you.
No.
RANGO
(louder)
RATTLESNAKE JAKE
All you've done is lie to these
good people .•• You ain't nothing
but a fake and a coward, isn't that
right?
RANGO
Yes.
RATTLESNAKE JAKE
Louder!
RANGO Yes!
Rango is absolutely humiliated. Jake circles him ... coiling.
RATTLESNAKE JAKE
Listen close, you pathetic fraud,
this is my town now .•• If I ever
see you again I will take your soul
straight down to Hell.
Jake unravels pushing Rangoon his way with a haunting
HISSSS!
The crowd moves away. No one will meet his eye.
Except for Priscilla, she looks up at Rango hopefully. Say it
ain't so.
He walks past her.
Rango shuffles to Beans. Stops. Can't look at her.
She's sickened at his deception. And terribly hurt.
BEANS Who are you?
The question hangs in the air.
He continues on.
Silence. 
EXT, OUTSKIRTS OF TOWN - EVENING
Rango walks out of town.
He stops next to the graveyard of dead sheriffs.
He removes his sheriff's star. Looks at it,
Drops it in the dust.
Keeps walking ..• leaving Dirt behind.
EXT, DESERT - SUNSET
The sun fully sets as Rango trudges through the lonely
desert. An exodus to nowhere.
The Mariachis look at each other, then pack away their
instruments. BEGIN MONTAGE.
EXT, HIGHWAY - NIGHT
VROOM! A car flashes past. Headlights momentarily
illuminating the desert.
Rango wanders to the highway. He stands, Lost,
88
89
90
He sees his little windup fish still on the side of the road.
Rango embraces him.
Then he sees his headless doll torso. He goes to her. Sits. Puts his arm around her.
A long beat,
RANGO (V,O.)
Who am I? ••• I am nobody.
Range sits, arm around the torso, Absolutely forlorn.
Another car ZOOMS past,
EXT, HIGHWAY - LATER - NIGHT
Range is walking across the highway. It's a suicide walk.
Cars ZOOM past Rango. Barely missing him, He doesn't care.
He makes it to the other side of the road.
A moment. Can't even commit suicide right. 
He collapses ••• passes out.
EXT, DESERT - NIGHT
A lonely wind stirs the desert slightly.
Then ••• On the ground, pill-bugs begin to uncurl •••
92
And .•• Range begins to float. Like a magic carpet, hundreds
of pill bugs carry Range to meet his destiny •..
EXT. DRY LAKE BED - MORNING
Range wakes -- Squinting in the blinding sun.
He sits up, recoils, realizes he's looking at a golf cart
with all sorts of things are stuffed into it ... including
four golden Oscar statuettes shining in the sun.
He stops.
RANGO
The Golden Guardians. The Alabaster
Carriage.
He sees the silhouette of a man, with his back to him .••
Rango approaches ...
RANGO
The Spirit of the West .•.
The classically western dressed man is scanning the dry
desert floor with a metal detector .••
Hum •.• hum ••• hummm ...
The man turns •.• It's the SPIRIT OF THE WEST,
The real Spirit of the West.
RANGO
Urn ... excuse me ... Mr. Spirit ...
Sir,,,
The Spirit of the West picks up an old fishing hook.
SPIRIT OF THE WEST
Ahhh ••. There's a beaut.
(pockets it)
sometimes you gotta dig deep to
find what you're looking for so
you made it. 
RANGO
Is this heaven?
Theatrical Script 2/4/11 91.
SPIRIT OF THE WEST
If it were we'd be eating Pop-tarts
with Kim Novak.
RANGO
Yeah, no kidding •.. What are you
doing out here?
SPIRIT OF THE WEST
Searching. Same as you.
RANGO
I don't even know what I'm looking
for anymore. I don 1
t even know who
I am •.. They used to call you "the
man with no name."
SPIRIT OF THE WEST
These days they got a name for just
about everything ... it doesn't
matter what they call you; it's the
deeds make the man.
RANGO
But my deeds just made things
worse. I'm a fraud. I 1
m a phoney.
My friends believed in me, but they
need some kind of hero.
SPIRIT OF THE WEST
Then be a hero.
RANGO
Ohh ••• no, no--no ... I- you don't
understand. I'm not even supposed
to be here--
SPIRIT OF THE WEST
That's right. You came a long way
to find something that isn't out
here. Don't you see? It's not about
you. It's about them.
RANGO
But I can't go back.
The Spirit of the West climbs into his golf cart. 
SPIRIT OF THE WEST
Don't know that you got a choice,
son.
He looks at Range through the plastic windshield, draws a
little box around Range on the duet of the windshield -- just
like the frame from the terrarium at the opening of the
story.
SPIRIT OF THE WEST
No man can walk out on hie own
story.
Rango watches as the Spirit of the West putts off in his golf
cart ••• evaporating into the heat ripples.
EXT. DESERT
ROADKILL (O.S.)
So you made it ••.
Rango turns. Roadkill is standing there, smiling, truly
beatific, at peace.
ROADKILL
That's right, amigo: The other side
of the road.
RANGO
Did you just see that?
ROADKILL
We each see what we need to see.
Beautiful, isn't it?
A quiet moment.
RANGO
Yeah. It is.
ROADKILL
Come, my friend, I want to show you
something.
EXT. DRY LAKE BED/BOAT
94
95
Roadk.l1l leade Rango to a £iah skeleton, partially fossilized
in the searing heat.
Then Range becomes aware of an enormous, decaying hull of a
boat •.• Range gapes. 
ROADKILL
Many years ago this entire valley
was covered in aqua. Now, only one
question remains.
RANGO
Where did it go?
Rango turns noticing some cacti in the distance ...
They are moving.
Slowly .•. with heroic effort ... the roots reach out ...
like stretching fingers .•. grasp the ground •.. slowly •.•
millimeters at a time ..• crunching along ...
RANGO
They follow the water ••.
(getting excited)
They follow the water! Come on!
Rango follows the line of cacti up a hill.
SCENE OMITTED
EXT, CREST OF THE HILL - DAY
They reach the crest of the hill and discover ..•
96
97
A big human-size water pipe running along the hill leading to
LAS VEGAS!
The massive casino hotels -- dancing fountains and enormous
swimming pools -- water -- golf courses -- more water!
sprinklers going off on the fairways,,,
Eureka! The syncopation of the sprinklers continues as Rango
puts it all together •.. The sprinklers slow--
EXT. DESERT-DRAIN PIPE - FLASHBACK
The water gushes out of the drainpipe.
EXT. PRE-CONSTRUCTION SITE - FLASHBACK
Rango notices the muddy boots,
EXT, DESERT-CACTUS GRAVEYARD - FLASHBACK
Rango inspects muddy footprint.
BEANS (V,O.)
It just don't make no sense,,.
EXT. CRASH SITE - FLASHBACK
Merrimack's glasses in the empty water jug.
EXT. DESERT-CACTUS GRAVEYARD - FLASHBACK
Doc covers Mr. Merrimack's eyes.
INT. JAIL - FLASHBACK
Beans, Wounded Bird and Rango look over map.
BEANS (V.O.)
... Without water that land is
useless.
EXT. JAIL - FLASHBACK
Jake eyes Beans in his grasp and licks her face.
EXT. PRE-CONSTRUCTION SITE - FLASHBACK
Rango observes the construction site.
RANGO
What are you building out here?
THE MAYOR
The future, Mr. Rango, the future.
You can be a part of it or you can
be left behind.
INT. MAYOR'S OFFICE - FLASHBACK
101
102
103
104
105
106
The drop of water dangles from the dropper reflecting Rango.
THE MAYOR (V.O.)
I was here before the highway split
this great valley •.•
EXT. HIGHWAY - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
Rango walks across highway with traffic zooming over him.
EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE -FLASHBACK
Boom up from golf ball to Mayor'a construction aite.
THE MAYOR (V.O.)
I watched the march of progress and
I've learned a thing or two ... 
EXT. CREST OF THE HILL - PRESENT
Rango walks over and puts his hand on the big pipe.
RANGO
"Control the water and you control
everything."
INT. MAYOR'S OFFICE - MULTIPLE FLASHBACKS
The Mayor looks at Rango, an idea sparking, sinisterly
laughing.
THE MAYOR (V.O.) Come now, Mr. Rango, you attribute
divine power to me ..•
EXT. FAUCET - FLASHBACK
109
110
111
The holy spigot is brought toward the faucet. The jars of the
townspeople are raised toward the sky. The acolytes turning
the spigot.
THE MAYOR (V.O.) ..• How on earth could I possibly control the water?
EXT. CREST OF THE HILL - DAY - PRESENT 112
Rango follows the line of cacti up to a strange Stonehengelike circle of cacti.
Discovers they are surrounding a water valve!
At the bottom it reads: "Emergency Shut Off Valve 6"
He sees some of Bad Bill's red-mud boot prints here.
A long beat.
Rango looks back toward the highway •.. toward Dirt.
ROADKILL
What now amigo?
RANGO
No man can walk out hie own
story. I'm going back.
ROADKILL
But, Why? 
RANGO
Because that's who I am.
EXT. PRAIRIE DOG CLIFF - DAY 113
The wind has picked up. The inbred prairie dogs gather in the
canyon, all staring at Rango.
Maybelle totters forward, aiming her gun at Rango.
MAYBELLE
You got a lot of nerve showing up
here, lawman. What is it you want?
RANGO
Your Pappy and them boys are about
to hang for something they didn't
do.
Maybelle's shocked ... lowers her weapon.
RANGO
But I've got a plan.
EXT. OUTSKIRTS OF TOWN - DAY
The wind swirls through the graveyard of dead sheriffs.
Rango appears through the dust. Like a figure from myth.
He stops .•• leans over ••. picks up his sheriff's star.
Raises his head .•. eyes steely.
INT. MAYOR'S OFFICE - DAY
The Mayor pours Beans a glass of water at his desk.
114
115
Bad Bill, Chorizo, Stump and Kinski are sprawled on a sofa
wearing nicer clothes and hats. More like businessmen.
Rattlesnake Jake is coiled nearby. Threatening.
THE MAYOR
•.. I appreciate how difficult this is for you, Beans. But you're
making a practioai decision ...
We see there is a property deed on the desk before her.
RATTLESNAKE JAKE
Decisions ... decisions ...
THE MAYOR
There's no need for anYinore
suffering.
The Mayor slurps some of his water. Beans, tempted, grabs her
glass ...
THE MAYOR
Your families ranch is nothing but
a wasteland now. Sign the deed ...
(slides her the deed)
And relieve yourself of your
father's burden.
Beans awakens from her trance at the mention of her father.
BEANS
My Daddy ..• was not a burden!
(she splashes the mayor)
Keep your blood money, and I'll
keep my land.
Jake STRIKES! -- wrapping himself around her chair -- head
oscillating dangerously-- Bad Bill's Gang laughs--
RATTLESNAKE JAKE
Do what he says or by all the fires
of the black pit I'll squeeze them
pretty brown eyes out of your skullBeans' chair starts to crack and break--
The Mayor and Bad Bill's Gang are no longer laughing--
THE MAYOR
Now hold on, Jake, there's no need
for--
Shockingly -- Jake spins on the Mayor! -- hissing--
RATTLESNAKE JAKE
Let me do my job! -- You brought me
in and now we're gonna play this
out until the end.
He spins his head back to Beans, still crushing her chair--
RATTLESNAKE JAKE
Sign the damn paper, woman.
BEANS
Go to hell! 
Jake jerks her close -- making her look right into his eyes
as he chokes the life out of her--
Then--
RATTLESNAKE JAKE
Where do you think I come from?
Look into my eyes ••• I wanna see
you die.
From the street below--
A voice--
RANGO (O,S.)
JAAAAKE! I'M CALLING YOU OUT!
JAAAAKE!
Jake spins -- Shocked
EXT. MAIN STREET
Looks out the window.
Below on the street ... The Western Hero ...
Rango.
INT. MAYOR'S OFFICE
RATTLESNAKE JAKE
(smiles)
This day just got a little more
interesting.
EXT, MAIN STREET - DAY
Rango continues walking up the street.
116
117
The townspeople gather to catch a glimpse, completely in awe.
Jake slams out of the Mayor's office taking Beans with him.
Beans sees Rango. Can't believe it.
RANGO
Put her down.
RATTLESNAKE JAKE
Or what, little man? You gonna kill
me?
RANGO
That's just about the size of it.
There's something about Range's new firm tone that surprises
Jake. He tosses Beans to Bad Bill's Gang.
BEANS
Get your filthy paws off me.
KINSKI
(gagging Beans)
Shut your gob!
RATTLESNAKE JAKE
All right, Sheriff ... Make your
move.
Rango and Rattlesnake Jake move into position to shoot it
out.
Jake quickly spins the chambers of his Gatling gun-like tail
gun, the chamber clicks into place,
Rango checks his gun too ..•
One bullet. So be it.
He holsters his gun.
Rango and Jake face off.
The town clock ticks toward high noon ••.
The wind has died down. The air is dead ...
Townspeople are vacating the street, Hiding, Peering through
windows, between shutters, around corners ...
The clock ticks to high noon ..•
Starts to toll.,, BONG!
Rango and Jake slowly start walking toward each other ••.
Step ... step .•. step,,,
The Mayor leans forward eagerly •..
Bad Bill holds Beans. She can barely stand to watch,,.
BONG! ,,, BONG!
They step closer and closer ••.
Jake rattles in the high noon sun •••
Range's eyes narrow ..• He eats a bug.
OMITTED
OMITTED
EXT. MAIN STREET
119
120
121
Wounded bird heads up toward the top of the Clock Tower with
a shotgun ...
Rango and Jake •.• Closer and closer •..
BONG! BONG!
Rango looks at the clock. It clicks to a minute past.
Silence.
EXT. HILL OVERLOOK
The sun passes Roadkill's staff.
ROADKILL
Now amigo!
The Cactus Spirits move, turning the valve with ropes,
INT. TUNNELS
INBRED RODENTS
(chanting)
Heave . •• Heave . ..
122
123
The Inbred Rodents pull down a section of pipe with ropes.
EXT. MAIN STREET 124
Jake and Rango step closer. Jake, failing to notice, almost
covers the newly filled hole in front of the bank (the hole
the bank robbers dug days earlier).
wounded Bird takes aim at Jake from atop the Clock Tower.
Jake spins -- fires -- knocking Wounded Bird off the tower
crashing into the building next door -- Priscilla rushes over.
WOUNDED BIRD
That was a bad idea. 
Jake aeta his sights back on Range. Slides over the patched
hole.
Range raises his eyes from the hole Jake just covered •.•
RANGO
Thirsty, brother?
Range smiles. Jake's realizes something ia not right.
INT. TUNNELS
Water ia heard then seen cascading through the pipe.
FOOOOSH!
RODENT KID
Here it cornea!
EXT. MAIN STREET
RATTLESNAKE JAKE
(feeling vibrations below)
What--? No--!
125
126
A GEYSER OF WATER EXPLODES UNDER JAKE -- SENDING HIM SPINNING
AND WRITHING INTO THE AIR--
SPOONS It's a miracleJ
A bystander runs by in a panic.
TOWNSPERSON
Look out!
More geysers -- jets of water -- shoot up all over town!
Townspeople are running everywhere.
Pappy, Ezekiel and Jedidiah watch from the Jail.
JEDIDIAH
Look at that!
PAPPY What is that? J ! !
INT. JAIL - DAY 126A
A geyser shoots the floor and out the ceiling of the cell
holding Pappy and his boys. 
EZEKIEL
That 1
s our salvation, Pa!
PAPPY
It's a jail break boys, we're
bustin' out!!
They ride the geyser out of the Jail.
EXT, MAIN STREET - CONTINUOUS 126B
A water column shoots through the Clock Tower destroying it.
Jake finally lands, shakes the water off himself violently--
RATTLESNAKE JAKE
(spins on Rango)
I'm gonna blow so many holes in you
your guts will be leakin' lead!
RANGO
Well then it's a good thing I
brought some back-up.
The silhouette of a huge HAWK swoops through the sky!
Jake recoils in terror -- slinking back quickly--
Then he sees part of the "hawk" break off and then rejoin the
rest again -- he realizes--
RATTLESNAKE JAKE
Ain 1 t no hawk ... ain't nothin' but
bats!
He ROARS in fury takes aim
like tail up at them wildly!
BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!
starts firing his Gatling gunMaybelle, leading the squadron of bats:
MAYBELLE
Stick to the plan boys -- let's bleed that devil dry!
Jake laughs ... truly enjoying the battle.
The bats swoop away to safety
Jake's out of bullets! His tail-gun rotates and whirs. Empty.
Click-click-click-click-click.
He turns -- right into the barrel of Range's gun.
RANGO
It only takes one bullet.
RATTLESNAKE JAKE
You ain't got the nerve.
RANGO
Try me.
Range's glare is ice cold.
Jake's eyes quiver -- and blinks. Defeated.
But then---
THE MAYOR (O.S.)
Oh, Mr. Rango ..• Aren't you
forgetting something?
Rango turns to the Mayor, who has emerged after the deluge.
Bad Bill is standing with his gun to Beans' head. Stump and
Kinski laugh as they promptly take Beans into the Bank.
THE MAYOR
Hand me your gun, Sheriff.
Rango looks at his gun. Checks the chamber to see the one bullet.
A beat.
THE MAYOR
Now, Mr. Rango.
Rango hands the Mayor his gun on his way into the Bank.
INT. VAULT
Bad Bill and his guys laugh as they throw Rango and Beans
into the bank vault-- SLAM! TRAPPED!
Water rushes in wildly from the hole in the floor--
The Mayor laughs as Rango and Beans stumble in the water
RANGO
(reassuring)
Beans, hold on! ... Don't worry, I
got a plan.
He turns to the glass vault door.
RANGO
(panicked)
HELP!
(pounds on the glass)
OPEN THE DOOR!
(that's not going to work)
Okay. Plan B,
Beans attempts to speak through her gag ... to no avail.
RANGO
What? Beans, you're mumbling.
The water continues to rise--
INT, BANK
The Mayor and his henchmen enjoy the show.
THE MAYOR
All my problems taken care of ...
except for one.
He points Range's gun at Jake, Jake is shocked,
INT. VAULT
THE MAYOR
It's a new West, Jake ••. There's
no place for gunslingers anymore.
We're businessmen now.
STUMP
We got new hats!
Rango opens his hand to reveal the single bullet.
RANGO
Where I come from we call this,,,
{mumbling with a bullet in
his teeth)
... improvisation.
He unties Beans' gag ... She gasps for air. 
BEANS
You came back!
overjoyed, she gives him a HUGE KISS!
Violins swell -- Range's eyes roll back into his head.
Beans' eyes shoot wide -- She coughs--
She has inadvertently swallowed the bullet!
BEANS
What was that?
RANGO
No need to panic, but I think you
just swallowed plan B.
BEANS
WHAT!?
She freezes and starts to sink in the rising water.
RANGO
Ah! Okay, panic time.
INT. BANK
The Mayor has Range's gun still drawn on Jake as Rango
struggles to save Beans behind the glass behind him.
INT. VAULT
THE MAYOR
You and the Sheriff are more alike
than you think. You"re nothing but
legends ..• Pretty soon no one will
believe you even existed.
Rango vigorously applies the Heimlich Maneuver--
INT. BANK
THE MAYOR
one last bullet to kill one last
outlaw. (chucklee)
How fitting.
He pulls the trigger -- Click The gun is empty!
THE MAYOR
Wha--? 
The Mayor's eyes grow wide.
INT. VAULT
Rango continues to squeeze -- squeeze -- squeeze--
Finally -- The bullet shoots from her mouth--
Zooms toward the vault door--
BANG!
A crack spiders across the glass--
INT. BANK
The Mayor realizes
CRASH! WHOOOOOSH!
spins to Rango inside the vault--
A TIDAL WAVE OF WATER EXPLODES--
Bad Bill and his guys are slammed aside--
133
134
Jake is sent flying through the air -- crashing through the
front windows of the bank -- into Main Street--
Rango and Beans spin and twist through the air, gasping for
breath, cartwheeling out the window--
The Mayor is tossed from his wheelchair and carried out to
Main street in the deluge--
EXT. MAIN STREET - DAY 135
Everyone coughs for air as the flood cascades away.
The Mayor is floating on hie shell as Rango helps Beane to
her feet. The Mayor instantly starts negotiating:
THE MAYOR
Now, Sheriff, I'm sure if we work
together we can reach a mutually
beneficial solution to our current
unfortunate situation •..
But Range is looking past the Mayor ...
RANGO
You better take it up with him.
Rango kicks the Mayor's shell spinning him towards ..
Rattlesnake Jake,
His venomous gaze is only distracted by the glinting light
of •..
The last bullet, floating in the street.
Jake looks at Range:
RATTLESNAKE JAKE
One bullet .•. I tip my hat to you ..• One "legend" to another.
Range tips his cap, acknowledging Jake's respect.
RATTLESNAKE JAKE
(to the Mayor)
What was that you said? .•• Pretty soon no one will believe you even existed.
FLASH! JAKE STRIKES--!
THE MAYOR Wheat Jake, no-nooo00001
He wraps his coils around the Mayor and jerks him away
dragging him off to Hell--
They evaporate in heat ripples as water falls from geysers.
Everyone in town cornea out of hiding -- A joyous celebration!
Priscilla races over, splashing water toward Range, huge him--
PRISCILLA
Range! You brought the water back!
Just like you promised,
(squeezing him tight)
You really are a hero.
Range chuckles, kneeling down to Priscilla:
RANGO: Well, the thing about heroes is,,, whenever you--
Priscilla puts her hand up stopping him.
PRISCILLA: Don't spoil it.
RANGO: Right.
Everyone is laughing and splashing and cheering •..
RANGO: Well, I don't know about you all, but I could sure go for a dip.
He takes Beans by the hand •.. and smiles. The Mariachis, perched on a rooftop, play in celebration as the lead mariachi speaks to CAMERA:
SENOR FLAN: And so the lizard completes his journey from humble beginnings to the legend we sing of today, and although he is certain to die -- perhaps from a household accident, which account for sixty-five percent of all unnatural deaths -- the people of the village will always remember ••• the name of the one who saved them.
MARIACHIS: Range.
THE END
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