YTP: The Very Hungry Plumber

I remember watching a YouTube Poop video from somewhere around 2013. It’s been gone for ages now.
I found it when I was ten after skimming through my father’s iPad. He’d often hand it to me and then go on to do his own thing, like cook dinner for my family or watch a movie in his living room. This led me to the world of parody content, one of those categories being YouTube Poops, or YTPs for short. 
Usually, in terms of what would happen in these videos, it involved the characters engaging in idiotic behavior, references to pop culture, and sometimes, a whole lot of shock. One of the edits I watched was called “The Very Hungry Plumber.” While it did involve an abundance of shocking content, at least from my perspective at the time, the vague memories of what I saw made me think that something was very wrong behind the screen.
My memory is a little bit fuzzy, but I’ll try to recollect as much as I can. 
First, the video was “satirizing” Hotel Mario, a failed title for the Philips CD-I console. I put “satirizing” in quotes for a reason. While it did have seizure-inducing edits, sped-up clips, switches in plot, and tons of visual changes here and there, parts of this video felt way too specific.
For example, I can recall the beginning of the video starting like this. The YTP logo, followed by the Hotel Mario introduction cutscene, sped up and reversed multiple times. The dialogue confused me, with Mario commenting about being invited to a picnic by Princess Peach, and Luigi saying he hopes she “bares lots of ass,” through the use of sentence mixing. 
Mario points to the letter by the Koopalings, but Luigi snaps his neck and falls over when he turns around. When Mario reads the letter, he starts off the read with “dear pesky plumbers,” then goes on to spit out references from other media, such as the movie Full Metal Jacket, or videos featuring the Tourettes Guy. 
What weirded me out the most, was that at the end of Mario’s reading, the sentence mixing started listing off what sounded like first names. From commonly used ones like Tommy, to foreign ones like Antoinette. I can’t recapture what the entire list was, but I do remember colored Comic Sans text showing up on screen for two specific names, being the ones I mentioned before. The text for Tommy was colored green, and Antoinette was colored pink. One other name was colored yellow, but I don’t know what it was. 
Mario turns to Luigi, who is on the ground foaming from the mouth after breaking his neck on accident. 
“We gotta find the princess!”
Instead of an “and you gotta help us” from Luigi, the scene went awkwardly quiet, before Mario looked down at Luigi’s unconscious body, and put on a joyful expression. With the usage of sentence mixing like before, he says “yummy” before the scene cuts to a still image of the Mushroom Kingdom entrance. 
While the “Map” music from the original soundtrack looped, cartoon chomping noises played, indicating that Mario was cannibalizing Luigi’s corpse. It suddenly cuts to the toaster scene from later on in the game, but Mario’s quip was different. I think he said something cognate to “you know what they say, you are what you eat!”
A long, uncomfortable stare took up my fullscreen. The packaged bread that Mario would usually hold was unlabeled, and all I heard were really weird slurping noises. Imagine someone next to you eating a burger or sandwich with a side of something crispy, but eating far more than they can swallow. All the while chewing with their mouth open. That’s what it sounded like.
Most of the video I had difficulty remembering, aside from a few key parts. It played out like a “Weekend at Bernie’s” plotline, where Mario carries Luigi by his back the entire time, voicing his lines and pretending that he’s alive. Luigi had something covering his head, with his face badly drawn over it. I think it was a shopping bag or a burlap sack, but I’m not too sure. 
The part with Princess Peach falling off of Morton’s treehouse hotel was omitted, instead having her get shot offscreen by a cartoon missile. There were also some seemingly forced jokes here and there, one in particular being a Shamwow commercial popping up, with Vince Offer talking about how aggravating it is to clean feces.
Here’s how the last five minutes went. 
We’re at the part of the original game, where Lemmy runs outside of his castle in front of a giant fan. 
“Hey, you! Get offa-”
I think this was meant to reference other YTPs on the platform, but the screen paused on Mario, and a song from Super Mario World played. A slideshow coursed on for about half a minute, where his appearance gradually changed. 
At first it was something silly, like a propeller hat and nerd glasses, but then it got weirder. I think there was one frame near the end of the sequence that went by pretty quickly, of Mario’s face being replaced by a hastily cropped image of a real person. It wasn’t anyone recognizable, like someone from a TV show. It looked like it came straight from a photograph.
The video spazzes out, with Lemmy jerking left and right on the screen, before being launched in the air with a stock whoosh sound effect. Cut to Mario, still puppeteering Luigi and commanding that the two get ready to catch her. Lemmy comes falling down instead, and his brain matter splatters against the ground on impact. 
The music cuts off. Mario squints at Lemmy’s dead body, and a large, toothy, sickly yellow grin grows upon his face. The screen cuts to black, and that same gross, sloshy noise from earlier was heard. Mixed with that sound was a man screaming “yeah baby,” and laughing so loudly that it distorted the audio. 
The video cuts back on, with Princess Peach getting caught by Roy. Instead of running off to his HardBrick Hotel, Mario locks eyes with him, and Roy drops Peach. Mario gently lays Luigi against a nearby rock, before the two engage in a lightsaber battle. Parts of the fight scene were either animated from scratch, reused with flashing colors, or just taken from a Star Wars movie with their heads pasted onto the bodies of the characters. 
Roy ended up losing his head from the lightsaber battle. Cue the Willhelm scream. 
Mario looks down at his beheaded body, his lips trembling, but he shakes his head in refusal. 
“Uh uh! Problem.” 
Afterwards, he beckons Princess Peach to follow him. She opens her mouth and raises an eyebrow, about to ask a question, but Mario shushes her with the hand not holding Luigi’s back.
Finally, we get to the end scene. It doesn’t show Bowser’s castle disappearing like in the original game. It just cuts straight to an image of Peach, Mario, and Luigi under a tree, the setting engulfed with mild wind. As Mario quickly pulls Luigi’s bag(?) back down to prevent it from flying off, Peach speaks to the two.
“Thanks to you two, I can safely rule the Mushroom Kingdom. Free from the terrible Koopaling Klan.”
She turns to Luigi, and puts on a confused look. She asks if Luigi is alright, observing that he looked “tired." Instead of sentence mixing, I heard a recording of a real woman. Her voice came off as desperately trying to maintain a sweet tone, like the lady talking was trying not to cry. Mario refutes it, and she leans into his face for a kiss. 
Mario is smooched on the face, and he ends up getting distracted by the good feeling, accidentally dropping Luigi. A gust of wind blows, causing Luigi's head covering to whisk away. Peach hears a thud and turns to her right. 
A video clip plays. Someone’s camera recording through a window, showing a woman undressing in her room. The cameraman was repeatedly heaving, to where that was most of what I could hear aside from cicadas. Her room was clad with posters of video games that were popular at the time. She even had a whole console collection stacked under her TV, one of those being a Philips CD-I, coincidentally.
Hardcut to Princess Peach, mouthless and shivering at the sight of Luigi’s dead body, not shown on-screen. A voice line from Mario invades her thoughts.
“It’s been one of those days, hasn’t it?”
Her eyes slowly glide to the left. We see a front view of Mario’s torso.
“Be careful. When you pinch my emotions, they pinch back.”
Where do I even begin? Mario looked absolutely hideous. When you think of a starving animal, you’d probably imagine one baring its fangs at its soon-to-be dinner, right? Well, I’d be lying if I said that Mario’s visage wasn’t animal-esque. 
He was like a wolf about to eat a sheep. Smiling so wide that his dimples went past his cheeks and obstructed the corners of his eyes. His teeth weren’t akin to how they looked in the scene with Lemmy, either. Each set was small and jagged, with his two front teeth being twice as long. 
Odious slobber dripped from his upper gums and trickled down his chin. Pupils were replaced with little pencil scribbles. The same clip of that undressing woman flashed in short interim. If it weren’t for that fucking recording, I wouldn’t have felt so revolted.
The two of them stood next to each other for a moment, until Peach put her hands up and attempted to back away. This made Mario’s face scrunch up, his smile widening harder with sudden rancor. He lunges at her, jaw unhinging, and the video pauses just as Peach was about to get chomped into by this depraved iteration of Mario. 
The video ended with a few more seconds of that freeze-frame, and a clatter of that same voice from earlier, weakened. 
Begging and weeping for the “creaks” to stop. 
Category:Lafawnda's Reading Hour
Category:Mario
Category:Computers and Internet