The Ghosts That Haunt Me

is the fourteenth episode of the third season and the 41st overall episode of Station 19.
==Short Summary==
Andy returns to work while she and Jack fight to save people trapped in a collapsing bowling alley. Meanwhile, Ben confronts Sullivan about his drug problem and Maya's mother, Katherine, pays Maya a visit.
==Full Summary==
The team looks through the calendars in the beanery. They think they look ridiculous. Vic says they have to sell about 3000 of them. Jack wants to back out of selling them, but the rest of the team says the world needs to see his picture. Andy arrives and the team welcomes her back. She's surprised by the calendars and says she needs a boxful. They're also holding a spaghetti dinner to raise money. Sullivan comes in and briefly butts heads with Ben before getting his coffee.
Carina and Maya are making out in Maya's office and discussing how they're spending the taxpayers' time when a knock at the door interrupts them. It's Emmett, letting Maya know her mother is there. Maya's surprised to see her. She mistakes Carina first for a firefighter then for Maya's doctor. She corrects that she's neither. Carina excuses herself to let Maya and her mother talk. After she's gone, Katherine tells Maya she left her father.
Dean asks Sasha Bennett how she got the back of her earring stuck in her ear. She's not sure, but she woke up that way. It was her grandmother's and it's worth more than everything she owns. She was worried she might break the diamond trying to get it out herself. Dean removes the earring and then disinfects the wound. He advises her to continue to disinfect the area and not go to bed with those earrings in. As she leaves, she spots a stack of the calendars. She buys one and hands her number over with the money. After she's gone, Vic comes over and teases Dean about it. Dean says he didn't even notice she was cute until she handed him her card. Vic's confused by that. He hasn't dated anyone since Pru was born and he doesn't move on at the speed of light. Vic is hurt by that comment and tells him to call Sasha and go out with her as she leaves.
As Andy and Jack work on the engine, he welcomes her back. Then he asks where she's been spending her time since she hasn't been at their place. Andy finally admits that she's been staying with Sullivan because they got married. She doesn't want to talk about it.
Katherine tries to talk, but Maya is ignoring her, saying she has an event to plan, the spaghetti fundraiser. Katherine wants to help, because she used to organize those for Maya's track meets. Maya says she didn't and Katherine says she didn't because Maya's father wouldn't let her. He didn't like her socializing. Maya asks if she came just to badmouth her dad. Katherine says she came to talk to Maya and apologize for not protecting her from the abuse. Maya says she doesn't know what her mother is talking about. Katherine details the abuse, saying Lane used his emotions to control the family. All of them. He's abusive. Katherine says she was in crisis Maya just scoffs and calls her mother dramatic. The klaxons call them out to a fire at a bowling alley and Maya says that's a crisis.
Maya complains about her mother as she gets her gear. After she's gone, Jack says he's surprised Maya has a mother, because he suspected she came from a secret Russian lab.
Sullivan watches them pull out and then acknowledges Ben's presence. Ben says he needs Sullivan to pee in a cup.
Sullivan says he's beyond his rank. Ben says he should be grateful that Ben's giving him the chance to turn himself in quietly. Ben closes the door and asks him why he became a firefighter. He says to help people and save lives. Ben says being high in a life or death situation won't do that. Ben says he stole drugs from the PRT, which is a felony. Then he persuaded Ben to falsify the records, which is also a felony. Then he was in command of multiple fire companies while under the influence, which might not be a felony, but it is a crime.
Ben and Pruitt share a drink at a bar. They miss Joe's, which is still rebuilding two weeks after the accident there. Ben asks Pruitt when he knew he wanted to be a firefighter. He was seven and he loved everything about it. Ben says Pruitt was a great firefighter. Pruitt says he was a good firefighter because great firefighters get good firefighters killed. You succeed or fail as a team. It's always about the team.
As they drive to the fire, Jack and Andy talk about her marriage. He's disturbed by it. She tries to get him to stop talking about it, but he persists. He thinks it happened too fast. Andy deflects by trying to talk about them being trapped in the storage unit, just like he was in the skyscraper. Jack asks if she needs help backing out of her panic-driven mistake. She says she wasn't panicking, but he says she was panicking from the moment she learned her dad was sick again. Andy says it was fast, but she doesn't regret it because her dad got to walk her down the aisle. Jack says she'll always have that memory, but it's not too late to get it annulled. He's not joking.
They arrive at the bowling alley and Maya learned from the incident commander that they need station 19 to do search and rescue. He advises them to be careful because the structural integrity is not great. Maya reports that back to the rest of the team. Rachel talks to Dean, saying they're trapped. Everyone is trapped inside. Her grandpa is trapped, too.
They go inside, but they don't have an exact head count. They know there's at least a dozen. Dean and Travis go down a lane and find Walter trapped in a pinsetter. He's bleeding profusely. They're unable to free him. He tells them he's owned the alley for 50 years. He asks if his granddaughter Rachel got out. Then he asks about the other kids. There was a birthday party and there are about a dozen kids in the arcade. Andy goes to check on that.
Andy radios Maya about the birthday party, so she sends Emmett and Jack in. Jack runs in immediately, but Emmett hesitates. He tells her he can't go in and starts to panic. She tells him to go to triage, help where he can, and stay out of her sight.
They're still working to free Walter. Walter realizes he's a goner, but Dean says he's not giving up.
Katherine sets up tables looks up to the office, where Ben and Sullivan are still fighting.
Sullivan tells Ben about his pain condition. He says he needed the meds to buy time and figure out his options. He made a mistake and the whole thing got away from him. Ben says he put everyone's life on the line to protect his career. Sullivan takes the cup and goes to the door. Ben says he has to do it right there so Ben knows he's not switching it out. It's department regulations.
Andy and Jack call out for the kids. Andy's dad use to take her to that alley when she was little, so she thinks she knows where the party area is. They find the door to the arcade. Inside, they find the party supplies. Jack finds a woman and says he'll take her. Andy goes through another door and finds the kids hiding under a table. She tells them she's from the fire department and they're going to get them out.
Walter continues to talk about his life, repeating himself. Dean makes another plea for assistance. Walter tells Dean to go save the kids. He says he's an old man, a happy man. He's screwed up in his life, but he did the best he could. He screwed up his son, then he raised his granddaughter and built a place in the community where people could get together. The kids haven't even gotten started yet. They both know he's toast. Dean says that's not how he works. Walter tells Dean to tell Rachel to forgive her dad. Dean still won't give up. Dean leaves to go get a hose line, saying he'll come back. As Dean runs out, he hears Walter groan in agony as the fire engulfs the area.
Rachel is incredulous about what happened. They were cleaning shoes and then there was fire pouring out of the pinsetters. She asks Emmett if he can get her grandfather out. She says the other firefighters are working on that.
Andy reports that they have seven children who appear uninjured, plus the woman outside. Dean picks up the woman to take her out and Jack says they'll follow with the kids. Andy calls the kids out and has them cover their mouths, saying they're cowboys on an adventure. Trevor starts coughing and Kiki informs Andy that he has asthma and needs his inhaler. Jack comes in and picks up Trevor. Then they start leading the kids out. As they walk, the building starts to collapse, so they lead the kids back into the room and have them get low just as the roof caves in.
Maya listens outside as Andy reports on the roof collapse and their exit being blocked.
Jack leaves the room and tries to start removing the rubble in a panic. He wants to make an opening so they can squeeze through.
Dean brings out the woman, followed by Travis with Trevor. Dean reports to Maya that he couldn't save Walter and Walter asked him to save the kids, so he's going to go save the kids. Maya tells him he has to wait for her orders. Vic thinks she's figured out where the kids are, on a wall with no exit. Maya updates incident command, telling them they're going to breach the side wall. Maya tells Jack and Andy to move the kids away from the wall and tells Vic and Dean to start sledgehammering the wall.
Vic runs around the building and starts swinging at it.
As Ben prepares the urine sample for testing, Sullivan says he never went into an incident under the influence. Ben says that doesn't earn him any respect back. He lied and stole and got Emmett caught up in it. Ben says he has to go the Chief right now and tell him the whole truth, including that it's his fault Pruitt Herrera was up on that roof. Sullivan says he had a feeling to go inside that building. Ben says he can't break rules for a feeling. Ben says he could have gone on the roof. Sullivan says the roof was suicide and Pruitt had cancer. Ben says Pruitt would still have gone up on that roof if he were healthy. Sullivan says he had to stay alive for his wife, who has lost enough this year and was going to lose her father very soon, with or without the fire. Ben's surprised to learn that Sullivan and Andy are married. Sullivan says Pruitt blessed their marriage.
They're getting through the wall. Andy says the kids aren't against the wall, but there are arcade games. Maya tells her to move them away. They're through one layer of wall, but there's a second.
Andy tries to calm the kids as Jack panics. She tells them all to hug each other. She then goes to Jack and tells him he's panicking the kids. They then work together to move a pinball machine. Jack wants to keep moving machines, but Andy admits it might have been a mistake to marry Sullivan. She was mostly thinking about her dad walking her down the aisle before he died. Andy checks on the kids again and Kiki asks if they can sing while they hug, which Andy encourages. Andy knows what she did was crazy and she's worried about what people will think. She does love Sullivan, but she's terrified. Jack says she should be. The wall is finally breached. They used a battering ram to make the hole bigger. Andy notices the roof starting to give in and says there's another collapse on the way.
Ben offers his condolences on Ryan. Pruitt says Ryan was a good kid and a good cop. Pruitt talks about being afraid of going numb. He knew old-timers who had seen so much they didn't even take it in anymore. They'd see a body as debris that needed to be cleared. When he saw Ryan lying there, he felt it. Ben asks if he hasn't ever gone numb. Ben says his goal sometimes is to go numb. Pruitt says one time. It was the first year he was lieutenant. He was called out to a drunk-driving call. A family of five was gone because a drunk kid couldn't call a cab. He found out later that the kid had been pulled over earlier that night by a cop Pruitt knew. He blew a .12. The cop let him go and said to go right home. The kid was the mayor's son and the cop wanted the mayor to owe him one. The kid spent one night in jail and walked. He was numb for days. Then it washed over him and all he felt was rage. Ben asks where that cop is now and Pruitt says he cashed in his favor.
Ben and Sullivan talk about breaking the rules. Ben says he's the kind of guy who breaks the rules to save the lives of others, while Sullivan is the kind of guy who breaks rules to save himself. Ben's watch beeps and he checks the urine. It's clean. Sullivan says they're done, but Ben says they aren't. They argue some more and Ben says if he wants to prove he's a good man, he needs to come clean. If he doesn't, Ben will do it for him.
Bailey comes in and sees Katherine setting things up. Bailey introduces herself and says she's just there to drop off the cash they collected at the hospital. She wanted to bring it over before any interns got sticky fingers. Bailey hears the yelling and Katherine says they've been fighting up there all day. It's shattering her nerves, which is why she needs to keep busy. She's not sure what they're fighting about.
Bailey comes into the office and Sullivan leaves. Ben says he's fine, but leaves to follow Sullivan, because he can't trust him. Bailey says she'll bring the boys to the spaghetti dinner, any excuse not to have to cook.
The kids continue to sing as they widen the hole. Andy determines that it's big enough to get the kids through. She leads the kids to the hole and helps them out. Once all the kids are out, Andy tells Jack to go through. He says he can't because it's not big enough for him. He tells Andy to go, but she won't go without him. She tells him it's okay. They're getting out.
Rachel asks Maya about her grandfather and Maya tells her to move back. Dean starts to approach Rachel, but Maya tells him not to stop because there are living people in there. Maya takes the sledgehammer herself and breaks at the hole, making it bigger. Once it's large enough, Andy and Jack climb out. Dean asks Jack if he's okay and he says he is.
Dean goes to Rachel and tells he was with her grandfather when he died and he asked Dean to tell her to forgive her father. And he told Dean to save the kids. They hear over the radio that the fire has been contained.
Maya radios back that the children and firefighters have been evacuated.
As they drive back, Andy says she's going to tell Maya to bench Jack. He lost control and scared the kids and Andy. He has PTSD and he was triggered. She's buried a lot of people she loves this year and doesn't want to add Jack to that list. Jack says he's getting help. He's been seeing Diane and it's helped. He'll talk to her about the PTSD. Andy asks what stuff he's been seeing Diane about. Jack says sex and love stuff. He's kind of talking about Andy and how he only seems to want women who can't love him back. He asks if she only said that stuff about being scared to calm him down. She admits she's not sure. She's a mess. Jack says she should talk to Sullivan about that.
Sullivan and Ben approach Dixon and tell him they need to speak with him. He thinks it's about the funeral and he approves it. Sullivan says it's not that. He needs to talk about his behavior. He then admits that he and Andy are married and he wants advice on if he should transfer. Dixon says he can figure that out himself. Sullivan then admits to the theft and overdosing on the job.
Maya finds Carina and Katherine and asks what they've done. Katherine says they helped set up for her spaghetti dinner. Maya says she didn't need or ask for the help. The team comes in and Maya tells them to get started because doors open in two hours. They argue over garlic duty. Maya tells Emmett he can do garlic duty or be suspended. He agrees to do it. Maya tells her mother she can't just take over. Then she says Lane never laid a hand on them. Katherine says he didn't have to. Maya says he could be mean, but that doesn't mean he abused them. Katherine says tough is grounding you for breaking curfew. Abuse is making you walk 20 miles home from your track meet for coming in second. Maya says she came in first, actually, but she didn't beat her own time. Carina takes Maya's hand and tries to comfort her as Katherine invites Maya to her next therapy session. Maya just says she beat her time the next time. She agrees that Katherine needs therapy, but she's good and she pulls away from Carina to leave.
Dixon asks why Ben is there if Sullivan acted alone. Ben's there to hold him accountable. Dixon says if nobody knows, it never happened. You tell no one else and you keep your title and Maya keeps her title and Andy keeps her job. Ben keeps his job and the PRT keeps running. Dixon doesn't need a drug scandal on his first year as chief. Sullivan says there are rules and consequences. Ben suddenly realizes he was the cop who let the mayor's son go. Dixon then reminds Ben that he signed off on a falsified inventory report. If that comes to light, he may have to turn them over to the feds, which means he and his wife might both end up in prison, because the PRT is run through her hospital. Dixon excuses them from his office and tells Sullivan he owes Dixon a favor and he won't forget that.
Dean greets Mrs. Brady in the line as he serves food. He's glad to see that she's not wearing her neck brace. She's glad, too, as it was worse than a chastity belt. After she walks away, Dean asks Vic how it's fair that he has to take his shirt off for the calendar, but she is covered head to toe. She says she's in purple spandex. He says it's really tight.
Joey and Tuck are both eating very quickly. Bailey tells them to slow down or people will think she doesn't feed them at home. Joey wants to go down the pole. Tuck says Ben won't let them, Joey suggests not asking. Ben comes up and says he's saying no. The boys want to go get seconds and Ben tells them they can. Bailey asks Ben what happened with Sullivan. Ben tells her it's being swept under the rug. He thinks he's forgotten lately that he's a good man. Pruitt Herrera never abandoned his values and Ben wants to honor that by taking down Dixon.
Carina enters Maya's office and finds her crying. Carina says she loves her dad very much. He's brilliant and funny and her hero in many ways. That's why it took her so long to realize he wasn't okay, that it isn't normal to live your life on eggshells. She tells Maya denial is a strong force and the abuse Katherine described is still abuse. Maya says she's not in denial. She won a gold medal because of her dad. She's the youngest fire captain in Seattle. She's Station 19's first female captain because of her dad. She's not in denial. She's pissed. Carina gets up and leaves.
Sullivan tells Andy that Dixon knows about them and about the drugs and no one is losing their job. And he approved Pruitt's Line of Duty funeral. Sullivan says he wants people to know. Sullivan calls everyone's attention and tells them they got the funding for the Line of Duty funeral. He then publicly announces his marriage. The team is shocked as they share a kiss. Sullivan tells Andy no more secrets.
==Cast==
S193x14AndyHerrera.png|Andy Herrera
S193x14BenWarren.png|Ben Warren
S193x14RobertSullivan.png|Robert Sullivan
S193x14JackGibson.png|Jack Gibson
S193x14VictoriaHughes.png|Victoria Hughes
S193x14TravisMontgomery.png|Travis Montgomery
S193x14DeanMiller.png|Dean Miller
S193x14MayaBishop.png|Maya Bishop
S193x14PruittHerrera.png|Pruitt Herrera
S193x14MirandaBailey.png|Miranda Bailey
S193x14MichaelDixon.png|Michael Dixon
S193x14CarinaDeLuca.png|Carina DeLuca
S193x14Walter.png|Walter
S193x14EmmettDixon.png|Emmett Dixon
S193x14KatherineBishop.png|Katherine Bishop
S193x14Rachel.png|Rachel
S193x14WilliamGeorgeBaileyJones.png|William George Bailey Jones
S193x14JoeyPhillips.png|Joey Phillips
S193x14SashaBennett.png|Sasha Bennett
S193x14MrsBrady.png|Mrs. Brady
S193x14IncidentCommander.png|Incident Commander
S193x14Kiki.png|Kiki
S193x14Lucas.png|Lucas
S193x14Trevor.png|Trevor
===Main Cast===
*Jaina Lee Ortiz as Lieutenant Andy Herrera
*Jason George as Dr. Ben Warren
*Boris Kodjoe as Battalion Chief Robert Sullivan
*Grey Damon as Lieutenant Jack Gibson
*Barrett Doss as Victoria Hughes
*Jay Hayden as Travis Montgomery
*Okieriete Onaodowan as Dean Miller
*Danielle Savre as Captain Maya Bishop
*Miguel Sandoval as Pruitt Herrera
===Special Guest Star===
*Chandra Wilson as Dr. Miranda Bailey
===Guest Stars===
*Pat Healy as Fire Chief Michael Dixon
*Stefania Spampinato as Dr. Carina DeLuca
*Dan Lauria as Walter
*Lachlan Buchanan as Emmett Dixon
*Ivana Shein as Katherine Bishop
*Emma Fuhrmann as Rachel
*BJ Tanner as William George Bailey Jones
===Co-Starring===
*Noah Alexander Gerry as Joey
*Kristen Henry King as Sasha Bennett
*Monnae Michaell as Mrs. Brady
*Brian Cummings as Incident Commander
*Ireland Richards as Kiki
*Byron McCray as Lucas
*Beckett Gunderson as Trevor
==Rescues==
===Sasha Bennett===
Sasha came into station 19 with the back of her earring stuck in her ear. Dean used tweezers and was able to remove it. Then he disinfected the wound and told her to do that herself for a few days.
===Walt's Bowling & Stuff Fire===
Station 19 was called out to respond to a fire at a bowling alley at 2849 Springfield. When they arrived, the incident commander put them on Search and Rescue. Before entering, Dean talked to Rachel, who said her grandfather was trapped inside. Inside, station 19 split up to search for people. Travis and Dean found Walter, who was trapped under a pinsetter and bleeding profusely. They were unable to lift the pinsetter. Walter then informed them that there was a birthday party full of kids near the arcade. Maya tried to send in Jack and Emmett to help get the kids out, but Emmett refused, so he was sent to triage while Jack went in. Travis and Dean realized what they were doing was only crushing him faster, so Travis left to get cribbing. Walter realized then that he wasn't going to make it. Jack and Andy made their way to the arcade, where they found a woman unconscious on the floor. Jack tended to her while Andy entered the party area and found seven kids hiding under tables. Walter told Dean he was an old man and the kids hadn't even had a chance yet. Dean called out again for help, but when it didn't come quickly enough, Dean decided to go get a hose line himself. As he walked away, he heard Walter moon in agony and then stop as the flames engulfed the area he was in. Andy reported to incident command about the kids and the woman. Dean came and carried the woman out. Andy then had the kids cover their faces so they could walk out. When one of the kids, Trevor, started to cough due to asthma, Travis picked him up and quickly carried him out. Jack started to lead the kids out, but when the roof started to collapse, they were forced back into the room, where they had the kids huddle toward the floor. The collapse trapped them in. Jack tried to clear debris to find a way out. Outside, Vic reported that there were no exits on the north wall and that's where she believed they were trapped. Maya decided to have them breach that wall. Andy and Jack moved some arcade games away from the wall. As they finally breached the wall, Andy noticed that the roof was starting to collapse again. Once the hole was large enough, Andy and Jack started helping the kids climb out. Once they were out, Andy told Jack to climb through, but the hole wasn't big enough, so he told Andy to go first. Outside, Maya was able to expand the hole so that Jack and Andy could escape. Incident command then reported that the fire had been contained.
==Music==
Song 	Performer 	Scene
"Be Like That" 	Goldenface 	
*Carina and Maya make out in her office.
*Emmett interrupts to say that her mother is there.
"You Are My Sunshine"	Cast 	
*As Andy and Jack talk about her married, the kids sing to themselves.
*Vic and Dean break through the wall and the building starts to collapse.
"" 	 	
*Pruitt and Ben talk at the bar about their work and being numb.
"You Are My Sunshine"	Cast 	
*The kids continue to sing as the hole is expanded.
"Sinner Like You" 	Matthew Perryman Jones	
*Andy and Jack start lifting out the kids.
*The hole isn't big enough for Jack.
*Maya snaps at Dean, then breaks the wall herself.
*Dean talks to Rachel and tells her what Walter said.
"Save Your Soul" 	Lexxi Saal 	
*Dixon dismisses Ben and Sullivan, saying Sullivan owes him and he won't forget.
*The firefighters serve meals.
*Ben tells Bailey what happened with Dixon and says he's going to take Dixon down.
*Carina talks to Maya about her own father.
*Sullivan tells Andy about what happened with Dixon.
*He says he wants to tell people they're married.
*He tells everyone they raised the money and then that he and Andy are married.
"Be Like That" - Goldenface
"Save Your Soul" - Lexxi Saal
==Notes and Trivia==
thumb|right|300 px
*This episode's title originated from the song , originally sung by Crash Test Dummies.
*This episode scored 5.58 million viewers.https://web.archive.org/web/20200515224449/https://programminginsider.com/thursday-final-ratings-parks-recreation-special-posts-nbcs-best-adults-18-49-rating-in-time-slot-with-sitcom-programming-in-three-years/
*The prep dates for this episode were from January 17, 2020 to January 27, 2020.https://www.instagram.com/p/B7beps9Jwvt/
*Filming for this episode was scheduled from January 28, 2020 to February 7, 2020.https://www.instagram.com/p/B73oEiHJlXs/https://www.instagram.com/p/B8RdP0Op8UA/
*As evidenced by the shown pages, the calendar is for the year 2020. This makes the calendar an odd choice to raise money as it has previously been established that said year has already started.
*The calendar features the following people per month:
**Unknown for January.
**Robert Sullivan for February.
**Victoria Hughes for March.
**Pruitt Arike Miller-Warren for April.
**Unknown, apparent group shot for May.
**Maya Bishop for June.
**Travis Montgomery for July.
**Unknown, apparent group shot for August.
**Jack Gibson for September.
**Dean Miller for October.
**Emmett Dixon for November.
**Ben Warren for December.
==Gallery==
===Episode Stills===
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===Behind the Scenes===
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==Quotes==
==See Also==
de:Geister der Vergangenheit (Seattle Firefighters)
Category:All Episodes
Category:S19 Episodes
Category:S19 S3 Episodes