Blood 2: The Chosen - RAWMASTERED

Blood 2: The Chosen - RAWMASTERED is the title of the video in which Civvie reviews Blood 2: The Chosen. 
== Video ==
== Synopsis ==
== Transcript ==
[Civvie, with crusty voice quality]: It's not done, it needs to go back in the oven for another few months. Buckle up kids. It's gonna be a long one.
And then four into this one... The damage in this game is some of the wonkiest RNG shit I've ever seen.
Branded pieces of wood and metal... Look, this gravestone turns into cinder blocks.
This thing turns into cinder blocks. [NPC]: Yeah, let me tell you what, you didn't see anything, okay? Nothing at all.
[NPC]: Just... just keep walking. You saw nothing. [Pained laughter]
[Laughter turns into sobbing]
[Civvie, clear audio]: Monolith is a great developer. They made reliably fantastic shooters for two decades, like the F.E.A.R. series, Condemned series, No One Lives Forever...
They love having series. They make a sequel to anything. They love sequels so much, they made Aliens vs. Predator 2, and they didn't even make Aliens vs. Predator 1!
That was Rebellion [who made 1], who I have a strong feeling will end up on this show someday. I'm tempted to do Aliens vs. Predator 3 -- also known as Aliens vs. Predator because fuck you --
-- because it has a locked 65 degree FOV. On PC. But Monolith made this game here, this classic, this final and arguably best game in the holy trinity of Build games, Blood.
If you're a new school FPS fan you don't want to play Blood, because it's going to bend you over and turn your colon into no man's land.
It's a difficult game but it's a beautifully atmospheric brilliantly designed darkly comic gore fest. That feels like a john
Woo movie mashed into evil dead and was cheating a little on the side with a western. There's just this bouncy
Joyful, movement unique and fun weapons one of the best shotguns ever put into a video game
And a player character that despite being constantly murdered by the game's almost unfairly designed enemies is the baddest motherfucker in the world
He makes duke nukem look like a slightly misogynistic boy scout he'd rip the duke's intestines out and play with them while cackling like a maniac and accidentally burning down an
Orphanage I kind of have to catch everybody up on blood because today we're talking about it's absolutely bug fucking sane sequel
But plenty of people aren't familiar with the original You play as caleb a gunslinger and devotee of the dark god chernabog sometime in the late 1920s, I think
Chernabog :"Welcome My Servants" "My Slaves"
Caleb: "What is your Bidding Master?" Civvie: You and a few others called the chosen made up of Ishmael Gabriel and Ophelia Caleb's girlfriend
Chernabog decides that they've betrayed him and so he has his minions kill them before tossing caleb into a grave somewhere
Chernabog: "I've taken your love" "Now I will take your life"
"Consider my power" "In a hollow" "Grave"
But sometime later caleb is just so angry about this. He wakes up quotes army of darkness and starts murdering literally everyone
Caleb: "I live.... again" There are innocent people running around while you don't have to kill them
They have a chance of dropping health and you'll need it because damn this game is hard. It's do-able But the easier skills called Still Kicking and Pink On The Inside are kind of like normal skills in regular games anything above that and
Chernabog's cultists to start lobbing sticks of dynamite at ya It's a bad time but it's not what I would consider too unfair until you get to the higher skills
Well Done and Extra Crispy anyway spoilers ahead for this game. Not that it really matters It's a 90s shooter while there's a story and it's not bad
It's not what we're here for but Blood 2 requires some context In each of the four sections of the game you face a boss
The first three are the monsters from the opening cut scene you find Ophelia in the first episode on an altar killed by this giant stone gargoyle
Caleb: "Ophelia?" "NOOOOOOOOOO"
"Show yourself! SHOW YOURSELF!" You hear that that's caleb's voice actor
Stephan Weyte killing it his raspy maniacal sometimes deadpan always awesome performance is one of the things that really set this character apart
After Ophelia you go after Gabriel or Ishmael. I'm not sure you fight another boss this time a giant spider
Along came a spider and Sat down beside her and he said " hey, what's in the bowl, bitch?"
OH! And you eat his fucking heart that's how you get health and blood you eat people's hearts or life essences
Which is just metal as fuck Then you go after Cerberus the two-headed hell hound who took Gabriel or Ishmael and you kill him before finally going after
Chernabog and fighting all of them again to get to him
Chernabog: "I have awaited you "Kneel Before Me!"
Caleb: "I'm gonna have to put you down" He's a giant skeletal monstrosity that sets you on fire by looking at you.
Chernabog: "Can you not see?" "Every life that you have taken has made you stronger"
"And you have returned to me with a greater sacrifice than I ever could have wished"
"With the power you bring I shall throw open the door between the worlds"
"And rule the Earth!" Chernabog had a neat plan this whole time see caleb becomes more powerful the more he kills
And so Chernabog brought him back so that he could kill all the things and become more and more powerful So that Chernabog could kill him and absorb that power that turned out to be a mistake
Caleb: "Good? bad? I'm The guy with the Gun" Caleb kills him walks off into the sunset and presumably does badass stuff for bad asses
And then there's blood too funny thing guess what happened according to chase hall monolith ceo and seemingly awesome guy
Jace hall being pretty diplomatic about the whole situation is saying the gt interactive which was being bought out by infogrames
Which would later become atari? What the fuck all this corporate acquisition shit makes my brain hurt
But it looks like here we are again talking about a game made by obviously skilled developers shoved out the door too early
I guess didn't sell well enough to fund patching the game and perhaps just maybe if you release A finished game to the public. They might buy it just a thought
It's easy enough to talk about a bad game on this show. It's entirely different to talk about a weird three-quarters finnish franchise
Killer that has sadistic design choices like the first game without the polish to make it work oh and also the story graphics physics sound and gameplay are an endlessly fascinating train wreck of
Frankenstein's monster of ambitious ideas and budgetary constraints, you know what i'm not here to shit all over blood too
i'm here to celebrate it and
Fuck this game with a pineapple. It's not done. It needs to go back in the oven for another few months How undercooked is this game? It's fucking loud
Buckle up kids. It's gonna be a long one. We are the kebab I
gideon am its sinister genius leader
Servants of the one that binds the dark god chernabog
until a century ago everything was going according to our evil
Plans this guy knows his plans are evil. That's helpful Say hi to gideon and get used to him because he spent 98 of the game chasing him
We never expected to be betrayed by one of our own His name was caleb caleb isn't actually a skeleton and also you never expected to be betrayed by him
Chernobox sure as hell did since that was the whole point of his plan. I mean Did you kill him his girlfriend and the other chosen and expect that the insane wild west gunslinger would opt for a peaceful solution?
He destroyed our god and absorbed the power of chernobog So fucking with him is a good idea. I will destroy caleb
Mash's intestines beneath my feet like rotten grapes And caleb will die
for the last time You can play as any of the four chosen who have slightly different stats ishmael has the best magical ability, which is great
Except you don't get any good magical weapons until more than halfway through the game. Ophelia and gabriella are both a little more balanced
Oh, yeah gabriel is gabriella Now that will be explained later and caleb has the worst magical abilities
But you can only get the cutscenes if you play as caleb And you want to play as caleb because he maxes at 200 health unlike ishmael who maxes at 100 good luck with that shit
All the other characters also can't carry as much ammos caleb caleb can carry 500 bullets while ishmael could carry 100 and so on
It's mostly different health ammo and speed stats, but also each character is fully voiced but since stefan wade is back
That day just got worse He's still the best out of all of them and hearing some of ophelia and
Gabriella's one-liners will turn you off of those characters pretty quickly. He will not even have a chance to pull the trigger
Your death would be dad of a weakling If you run you're only gonna die
tired your fear is understandable It's gonna hurt the skill levels are genocide homicide and suicide but i'm gonna see if I can make those a little clearer genocide
Insultingly easy. You can jib enemies with one pistol shot homicide Hair-pullingly unfair you son of a that's what I decided to play on because I have rules and I can't do it on easy
I wanted to but I play it right city Yeah, that's normal skill right homicide i've done homicides before most of them weren't too hard
confession noted You don't know me. I didn't say nothing suicide Don't even bother you get further tying your dick to a ceiling fan
Every level has some text before it and here's a good one You just can't sit and enjoy your new issue of guns and jibs while suffering the subway in peace these days
first that ticket guy dared to confiscate your flask of old red 99 and then that spineless conductor had to stop the train for an hour just because some
snot-nosed brat in a baby carriage rolled onto the tracks Jesus, okay, man, i'm on board, but you were about to go up there and give him a piece of his own mind
But then you recognized his voice and realized that your day was about to get interesting
Jesus, I hope so. This is gideon your guest conductor
Hold on tight the ride might get a little Bloody bring it on
Wait did gideon put that baby on the tracks to stop the train so he could get on and try to kill caleb and undead
lunatic with god-like power with a few goons on a train Amateur the last time someone tried to kill caleb on a train caleb instead killed the train and crashed it into a carnival
God, that was fucking amazing. Wow This promises to be fun
Looks like there's killing
And the first person you shoot takes seven or eight pistol shots That seems like a lot for a pant-suited cultist, but hey
You can dual-wield a few of the weapons in this game like the pistol any game that has you John, wooing within 10 seconds deserves some credit
You're just making your way through a train while these guys shoot at you picking up their hearts for health because it turns out You're gonna hemorrhage hit points while being forced through a straight shooting gallery
You can kill innocent people in this game too for health and holy shit. I just stabbed that guy and he exploded into jibs
They won't even be able to use dental records to identify him. That's fucked up. Here's a weird thing I put like eight bullets into that first cultist and then two into this one and then four into this one
The damage in this game is some of the wonkiest rng shit i've ever seen fucking rule
Seriously are you feeling lucky because it looks like shooting you could either mildly annoy you or instantly turn you into chunky salsa you get
To the front of the train gideon is gone. He laughs from somewhere
The train crashes and everything fades to black except the blood effects fucking wrong suddenly you're on the train platform
Hey buddy you alright. You'll look like hell Ah, this is not my day. Right? Okay, swearing is a no-no, but I can still kill every innocent person I find
Yup. Just checking don't have much luck with trains Do you is that a callback because I think it's trains that don't have much luck with me
end of the line
You just made your second mistake You stuck around. Oh, really?
What was my first mistake letting me live? He's not wrong. See this camera movement in the cutscenes honest to god
This is as good as it gets you'll see but it's roll So you chase after gideon taking down more and more of his henchmen picking up an uzi a flare gun and destroying tons of stuff
in the environment
All shatters into uh, just random pieces of wood and metal Look this gravestone turns into cinder blocks. This thing turns into cinder blocks fucking rule. Jesus christ
Here's this lady again. And there she is too ten feet away fucking wrong. He just stuck his head in too far, I guess
I'm your best reason to be afraid
I think I stunned her. She just stopped dead. This isn't terrible yet yet you follow gideon to the museum of
Antiquities deckard spinner from blade runner shows up in the sky and you can blow it up giving you a nice 100 health pickup
Then you try to go into the museum and museum of antiquities is now closed
not
Blood was available, but it didn't have janine over here being a bitch behind a pa speaker. Anyway. Fuck you janine
I'm, not paying 17 to get shot at by religious fanatics
Okay, fine, I guess that's my fault I didn't expect the speaker to explode like a fucking grenade I should have seen that coming and it blows up the lock in the chain over the door and it's still locked
It's rough come on Random things in the game. You wouldn't think explode they tend to explode in this game
You know when they don't shatter into random piles of rubble And explosion damage in this game is fun because it isn't negated by cover or hiding behind a wall
It just plows right through and kills you
You can still get into the museum Of course by blowing up a pipe on a fire escape to get into a vent and then onto the walden roof
Now I have two uzi's which are inaccurate as hell but spit enough lead at the enemies that it really doesn't matter a hologram
Of gideon appears for reasons and says a thing today. I witness the fall of the great betrayer
Yeah, okay sure you will be purged the cabal will live again The cabal isn't dead caleb already was purged. Look how that turned out. Good bad. I ain't the guy with a gun
I have a feeling that they just had random lines sitting around as Placeholders in the beta version and that gt interactive shipped the beta version, but this isn't too bad yet. Sure
It has fuck all to do with the first game. The weapons aren't quite as interesting. I mean We have a flare gun, but it's I don't know. It really doesn't burn things very well. And it also has that problem
Where you can shoot something one time and kill it or shoot something 9 or 10 times and kill it I feel like embedding 10 signal flares into someone's upper body might slow him down. But nah
Here's where the cracks really start to appear cultists of any variety can wield pretty much any of the weapons
You can not dual wield thankfully but they don't really need to because as soon as they see you there isn't any reaction time
They've already shot you this bastard nails me with a flare and caleb screams until long after it's out
Get used to that the voice clips in this game tend to be absolute chaos not getting cut off by death pain, whatever
Everyone's gonna be talking but you'll be too busy dying and notice this is where the game is relatively easy
Relatively, you get your trusty shotgun, which has gotten a serious downgrade. It's way less accurate
It reloads a lot slower, but I guess it does more damage and oh, here's where the plot of this game collapses
We're about 20 minutes in here's gideon his mad scientist guy mad scientist guy's magic singularity generator
Which is basically a portal gun and that other guy is just another mook. He's not important the portal
Gun, what the hell is this? That's unexpected. Hmm
I guess i'll need to recalibrate the singularity settings. I mean I could go into why this is nonsense technobabble
But remember how I said i'd explain why gabriel is now gabriella. I lied because I don't know and neither does the game
It's a long story save it for someone. Who cares. Is that anywhere to greet an old friend?
Just look at how she's holding that minigun. How do you hold a minigun with one hand fucking wrong?
Why is it a thing that games fuck up its fucking miniguns? I need to go with you find out what's going on
Could you fill me in on it? I'm missing a lot of the details also The guy you're chasing is standing right there with a dysfunctional
Singularity generator and your friend who they also murdered just showed up with a minigun. Why are you talking kill? Not my type
Looked in the mirror lately, you'll not catch yourself
What what is with the ding is that what extra dimensional portals sound like
So you just keep going after that portals are bringing weird creatures into the world and you're just gonna have to deal with it
So now that we've reached level three it's time to revisit level two No I mean most of the exact same areas again only with new monsters one of which being the shikari and the shikari is an
ugly horny rat fucker from hell it jumps around a lot of the time landing right on top you spits out acid that can take
At least 40 hit points off you screech is like a banshee
And reliably takes three or four point blank double-barreled shotgun blasts to the face and they're fucking everywhere sometimes in packs
Most of the time in packs when they do spit acid Which is most of the time they have the same kind of accuracy as every other enemy in this game, which is roughly 99.9999999999999999
I've read that it's weak to fire, but I haven't had any luck with that Then he had introduced to the laughably ineffectual soul
Drudges and other common enemy melee only zombies that were humans before getting taken over by a bone leech
They're actually less hazardous than the bone leeches themselves their obnoxious little bastards to screw
Your ears and your face and the only way to get them off is to spam the use key But these things are so much more annoying making that horrible slithering sound the whole time
Which is the only way you're ever going to know they're around because the designers like to hide them in dark corners or underwater
The soul drudge is a joke, but also can be a bullet sponge because the damage system is completely fucked
They're the stupidest enemies by far and they have a habit of standing around and doing nothing while the rest of their friends get attacked
They telegraph their attacks, so blatantly that I can knife entire groups of them to save ammo
Even if it takes forever You don't really need to shoot them if you can learn their patterns and because of the random damage. Well just look
No one can stop me
What are you gonna do bleed on me?
You're not gonna look so good with your face ripped off
Yeah, let me tell you what you didn't see anything okay, nothing at all, just just keep walking You saw nothing fucking wrong?
So you go through the laundromat again, which takes you to you guessed it a sewer level fucking rule, man
Do you hate sewers? You're not kidding. I really do Sewer levels are almost always cheap lazy easy levels full of carters and monsters and not much in the way of actual
Interesting gameplay the text implies that gideon is going to a cabal safe house a funny thing to need when you have an international
corporation of evil doers at your disposal But what do I know as soon as you get through the sewer it takes you directly into. Kobalco?
Which is kinda handy is this the safe house the cabalco center for disease management nice digs
anyway You have to make it through these labs to get to the elevator. That'll take you to the roof to do that You have to oh god damn it
Bullshit, it's bullshit. Really you need one Goddamn shikari to spawn right in your face only for you to turn around and have another one spawn and boxy and fuck you
You get your first energy weapon here when a cultist drops it It's the tesla cannon a holdover from the first game that has for the most part gotten a downgrade
It fires slower projectiles at a slower rate eats up two cells per shot and the secondary fire is effective
But wasteful I don't know why a hundred years ago. The thing was so much better I'm sure this is what nikolai tesla had in mind when he was inventing it too
There's a lot of scientists just chilling out doing evil science stuff and they all have a bad case of goldeneye syndrome
This level introduces you to the game's key hunting mechanics, which are all over the place See you can pick up one of these key cards for any number of locked doors
But the key cards are really tiny completely flat and hard to see In the other levels you get real keys which are also flat and two-dimensional for some reason. It's real. Come on
For fuck's sake the first game didn't have two-dimensional keys. And the first game was fucking two-dimensional They could get lost in a pile of rubble or just be too small to notice at first or even worse they can face you
at a 90 degree angle and be invisible because they're completely flat you get into the elevator and then Spend the majority of the next level in that elevator
See gideon's executive airship is docked at the top Which makes me wonder why he needs a safe house since he has a giant goddamn airship in a very large tower both of which
Are full of armed guards this elevator ride lasts for about a minute and 20 seconds And the rest of this level lasts about 45 seconds, including the cutscene in the middle
Hello The choice is yours walk now and live Stay and die
i'm staying Then you're dying It's two rooms and then a bridge and walking onto the bridge exits that level that elevator ride was building suspense
Because you were gonna fight this guy, you know, this guy lumpy you do however Get one of the most useful weapons in the game the sniper rifle and while it still takes five or six
shots to kill a shikari It takes one shot to make these guys drop their weapons and become Suicide bombers I didn't even notice they did this until I randomly decided to not shoot one and see if he would get back up
And kill me the animation lasts for so long I just figured he'd die a thirst before he got up again, but no he kamikazes
You honestly i've played this game before and this never happened to me because I was too busy making sure all of them were properly
Dead let's talk about the airship. I mean damn look at this one from the previous level You might be able to fit in the cockpit, but this one
Maybe this is because it's the executive airship and so it's really really huge. I mean really huge
It's two maps and I found that it was about here that the game really starts to mercilessly bone you
You get lots of cultists in confined areas And hit skin weapons that they will hit you with the second you enter their field of view
Unless you know exactly where they're gonna be You can't hit them first now groups of low-level enemies and blood were pretty easy to deal with because you had dynamite
And you have similar bombs in blood too except they suck they're not even bound to the weapon slots You get them in your inventory
You have to select them equip them toss them and then there's another key for the remote bomb to detonate Not all fire mind you because that's how that should work. You can't just toss one and have it go off
You need to either wait use the proximity bomb and wait more Or use the remote bomb and get your shit pushed in because there is no way during a fight where the enemies are constantly
Shooting you that you have time to go into the pecker sucking inventory Select the right colored bomb and toss it the alternative to this and the more effective method is using the bug spray canisters
yes bug spray canisters You can load up on these things and at the cost of five vaguely defined units of ammo you can shoot
One like a grenade from this duct tape attachment to the assault rifle. That's just there It's on all of them when you have ammo for this thing
It's great against smaller enemies and I found myself shooting it around corners a lot But it still doesn't do enough damage to make mid-level monsters even flinch also, they're not the best for close quarters combat
Which means fun fun fun, especially on the bridge of the airship Which is where I found out that the enemies can shoot through graded floors at you now
Let me just give you a little diagram here a little illustration of how fucked you are from this point on in the game
These two guys are shooting at you with doozies under the floor long before you can ever see them this big guy a lumpy clone takes a ton of punishment and shoots you and these other two guys on the bridge shoot you
You're getting shot from five different angles. Hope you saved your bug spray canisters asshole So you crash the airship get a parachute and jump out and I haven't seen gideon anywhere. Did he actually get on that airship?
Because now we're heading for the safe house Which I feel like we could have gone to first since that was our destination four levels ago
and we've been traveling in random directions like uh, up a lot of up before you get to the safe house you go through a
Construction zone as your parachute only lands you within walking distance and here you find the worst and most broken weapon in the game
The bug spray now from what I can tell it attacks like the shikari's acid Except it doesn't hurt the monsters as much as it hurts you naturally and it has almost no range
The secondary fire ignites the bug spray with a zippo and I would tell you how that worked But I tossed the weapon almost immediately the wiki says that it works good against shikari
But it uses my grenade ammo and doesn't work as well as the shotgun or the uzis or the sniper rifle or the grenades
or harsh language wait We can't go to the safe house yet Because we have to run through the same city map from before for a third time
Fucking wrong and also go to the cathedral where you have to fight a thousand shikari And then oh, here we go. These fuckers zealots
They're flying teleporting assholes who make weird horse noises and explode on death unless you jib them
So every time you see one of these guys and every time you kill one you have to haul ass There are slightly more powerful red ones that I don't actually know the real difference besides the color. I guess their attacks are stronger
But to be honest by this point in the game, I was usually low enough on health to be one hit by anything They threw at me then you do a ton of awkward and obnoxious
Platforming with the game being an absolute cock about spawning enemies while you're on narrow ledges three times fucking wrong
No, no, it's not. It's absolutely intentional. It's a dick move by the level designers We haven't even started getting into the real dick moves yet
This is an appetizer for the dickishness to come and a moose boost to prepare you for the grander. Forthcoming phallic acrobatics. Oh, yes
We're only at the end of the first chapter
Once you threw the cathedral and the surrounding rooftops and catwalks you face the first boss of the game the naga
Tell you what kids. I like my bosses to alternate between ineffectual ground stops and unavoidable one-hit kill lasers that go through walls
Oh, yeah, look at the way you enter the room. You can just see the level scripting playing out You kill the shikari and then the naga teleports in
There's no reason for that shikari to really be in there except to be a button that costs six shells to press And then sometimes just when I enter the room the goddamn thing takes most of my health by
I don't know. I can't explain it fucking wrong. Just look at this I haven't even gotten within 20 feet. I got into this room and I lose what little armor I have and
133 hit points I go for the 100 health on the other side of the room anyone hits me with a laser through a wall
Oh you son of a so what I did is I waited to kill the shikari knowing that its death spawns the boss
So you jump up to this other side of the arena while the naga causes screen shaking earthquakes to make sure you fuck that up
As much as possible you can get a triple damage power up at the top and also a voodoo doll And here's how the voodoo doll works against it
I ended up just spamming him with bullets from the uzis while I had triple damage on
Someone's got to hold the train These things are everywhere out there The cabal must be pretty desperate to be creating such creatures. These aren't cabal then what are they?
Hell if I know what do you care? You don't seem to be having any problems with them. I don't have problems. I saw them
See v11 the guards have requested that you cease gordon ramsay impersonations
Uh No, you don't fuck the police You're gonna replace those with actual clips and editing, right?
Gabriella and caleb have a conversation through two walls about whatever monsters from another dimension
What's really important is that we get to the beginning of the next chapter, which is the very first level on the train recycled
Holy shit, we're at the safe house. It was a convenient subway ride away gideon is in fact here
Also cardboard cutout of the creepy twins from the shining not that they stay long when you get close they disappear
You can't kill them I tried So the cabal safe house is a nasty dirty tenement block located next to the highway and I mean right next to the highway
This game has very few tricks up its sleeve but one that it loves is rounding a corner into unavoidable gunfire
Which is especially fun when going up stairwells where it can happen at the top of every flight of stairs
If you check out this basement like area you'll notice this big gun right here that's a howitzer. Yes It is a portable handheld howitzer. Oh, yeah, let's do this
Right. I almost forgot. This is a fun little quirk of this game You have ten weapon slots one to zero on the keyboard and each weapon
You pick up fills one slot And when you have all the slots filled you have to find a weapon in your inventory to drop to get another one this time
It's easy because I still have the useless bug spray canister, unfortunately ammo for the howitzer is scarce
And it doesn't deal anywhere near the damage to make it worthwhile But of course because the enemies take enough damage
To convince me that bullets are actually topical headache remedies They still take at least two or three hits before they feel anything from a howitzer
Guys I just I just I just can't anymore just look at all of they're gonna assume fuck's gonna fucking sue me for using hell's kitchen and it's just so f
Fucking wrong. It needs to stop. It's just getting worse. It just keeps getting worse It keeps spiraling down and I don't know what's going on gideon is just kind of walking. He's just chilling there
He's walking in a wall and then the scripting starts and uh, then lab coat gideon floats, you know
Because why walk when you can just uh this better work this time, trust me
My calculations are perfect this time Once you get to the roof you find gideon again, and then his mad scientist uses the singularity generator again
And another one of the chosen pop-up again, and they're surprised ishmael
This is a surprising development, not really, do you have that thing set to bring back dead chosen?
Because that's all it's done so far. It's more of a plot hole generator at this point suddenly between cuts
They've all boarded this helicopter, which I couldn't possibly hope to shoot down It's just not possible. Unless you consider the fact that I shot down two of them from that fucking elevator. Do you understand?
How much damage you're doing? No ishmael. I don't I don't understand at all
That's not what I mean you are the one that binds sooner or later
Face nothing then know this We are the chosen we are here for you whether you like it or not
They're not not a single. One of them helps you at any point during this game Blood to the chosen everybody, I don't need babysitting. Oh, yes. Yes ophelia, too
She was the first To come through would have been nice to see that since the whole motivation for caleb's revenge in the last game was her being dead
But she isn't now so Oh, I wouldn't miss this for the world. Then again. You just might end up destroying it
Then the cutscene ends the game puts you back inside the door you walk out in 2000 shikari
Spawn I guess. I lied about the chosen not helping you since ishmael drops a whopping 25 health when he disappears. Thanks asshole
That'll really help me around the next corner I hope you like the safe house because now you get to go all the way back through it and it's been repopulated with enemies
And now it's time for another asshole Trap where one shikari spawns on top of this dumpster another one spawns at the entrance to this alleyway and also a drudge lord
At the very top and drudge lords are basically the evolution of the soul drudges It's just that now they're huge launch giant fireballs and as we've already seen explosions go right through solid objects
To fuck you over these things become stupidly common as the game goes on They take way too much punishment and the game likes to put them at the end of narrow hallways
And when the game is decided that trick isn't enough it puts two of them in or three of them at a time In a small room. This is about where I learned how useless the howitzer is next up is the sewage treatment plant
It's a rehash of the first sewer level though It's not just the same area copied and pasted thankfully but we still got plenty of that ahead of us
Don't worry trouble ahead The cabal has turned this place into an ambush trying to get through alive in that every level though
There isn't a ton to say about this section except the game continues to ramp up its dickishness There's this huge open area with a bridge right through the center and on each side
You have unreachable cultists who will snipe at you And in the tunnels between these you have these little bugs that like to jump and latch onto your face just like the bone leeches
And they make an even more annoying sound And they make the screen sway around when they latch on there's no real point to them being here
You have one face fucking enemy more than one is superfluous. So this game has three
It's wrong here's my favorite part because as soon as you round this corner a cultist insta kills you with a howitzer
Man I wish my howitzer did that now that I think about it this voodoo doll is practically useless too in the first game it
Was kind of a novelty item, but in this one it's a novelty item that does next to no damage Or maybe it does and I was just unlucky. The only benefit is that it runs on focus your magical ammo which recharges
But since it took more than half of it to take down a soul drudge i'm gonna drop It as soon as I see a better weapon, no, wait, sorry
It only takes two hits for a soul drudge And if you use the voodoo doll without a target, you take the damage yourself. So yeah, fuck it
Stop that zombie takes three sniper bullets when I die and have to reload my save We exit the sewers at the meat packing plant and just about as soon as you start the level two of these goddamn zealots spawn
And I have so little health from the last level that when we get into the round to corner and immediately get hit by Unavoidable gunfire thing. It's always fatal. Oh you son of a
If you're lucky you can exploit the game's broken ai here like I did since they don't respond if one of their friends gets killed
In front of them and also if they don't see you, they won't move while getting shot Oh and also they hide a lot of these face humping leech enemies around tight corners
And because you have to spam the used key to get them off when you die You're already at the load game menu. I guess that's convenient unless they kill you when you get stuck in this weird, hazy limbo
Fucking wrong But you know what? I consider this level a win because if you're an avid secret hunter like I am you can find
One of the most useful weapons in the game the cabalco death ray It's hidden in a tiny dark little alcove that you have to climb a bunch of pipes to get to
You're not even getting this gun early. This is the only time it appears in the game. It's just sitting there Somebody left this 1950s era sci-fi energy weapon. Just sitting around
It's this fucking death brave right on the side and you know what? It still doesn't do enough fucking damage
This death ray as far as I know can't one hit even the weakest cultist It can stun lock them and the primary fire can bounce off walls, which can be incredibly useful even necessary
Except it can hurt you, too Because of course it can it uses the same ammo as the tesla cannon except it does more damage
Than the tesla cannon and uses half as much ammo And it's hidden. I only found it because i'm an obsessive
Weirdo the death ray also looks a lot fucking better Once you walk into this room and get fucked by two cultists armed with napalm launchers and fuck no available slots
What do I drop obviously the howitzer? It's shit It took like three hits with it to take out a zealot and I assume that the napalm launcher does this attack?
That's killed me through walls 100 times already. Maybe it'll be better and
I wish you wouldn't do that
Oh my god, oh
No, fuck you these goddamn fireballs have been pushing my shit in over and over again, and now that I can use them
They're garbage. I fucking hate this game. I hate that pretty much from now until late in the game I have less than 50 health I catch one break when I get hit by this truck and it's kind of trivial
Actually, I guess being the one that binds protects you from vehicle damage except trains But these goddamn shikari don't seem to mind getting run over by a speeding subway train. So why should I
About the time the game really started ritual murdering me dismembering my corpse and pissing in my eye sockets
See because of the whole your weapons do a random amount of damage thing And because this isn't a modern shooter where you can just run up to an ammo crate and resupply
I started running out of ammo for everything because as a level designer It's probably pretty difficult to put enough ammo pickups around to deal with the enemies if the enemies take a randomly low
Or high amount of ammo to deal with honest to god. I spent like five levels of this game Dangerously low on ammo to the point where I couldn't kill a lot of these larger enemies so I had to run away
when I came upon this terrible part where i'm blocked in an alley with two drudge lords, I ran and the first time I tried this my health was low enough to immediately get one hit by a cultist through a window cool
Do I have zero health fucking wrong and now I get into warlock station where guess what? I have to board another subway train
But first I have to spend this whole goddamn level with next to no ammo Somewhere along the way I picked up the orb another magical weapon, which is his last stitch as you can get
It's basically these things from phantasm
And if you play as one of the characters with more focus say ishmael or ophelia You can use the secondary fire to guide it but fuck that it drills into a monster for a while even right?
Into its head sometimes and it might buy you a few seconds to use real weapons to kill the thing
The next level isn't a sewer level. Nope, definitely not a sewer level. Hey, wait a minute weren't we supposed to catch a train?
Why am I running through more underground steam tunnels that are definitely not sewers. Oh, okay
It turns out that they lead back into the subway station the one that was gated off before so now you can fight the third
Thing that latches on to you the choking hands making a return from the first game except with terrible endlessly looping annoying sounds
Great also If you want to put a door between one area and the next forget that just use a drudge lord
Now that you've successfully navigated through three levels to get to the train platform Please enjoy copy pasted train level number three except this time you get drudge priests and face fuckers
And just all the annoying things the game can throw at you like 5 000 shikari spawning in your face
This train level is different though Because you have to jump from one train to another one which is directly in front of it and then go through another identical train
Yeah, it's the same exact thing except twice fucking rule and the train doesn't crash this time
You just get to the front and it ends and guess what you're back at harlock station again And you do the thing right where you round every corner?
And there's a guy 50 feet away will immediately fucking shoot you this time with napalm Yes, awesome. Let's go. This is where the game turns into a war of attrition if you can get 10 feet without dying
That's a win look Here's an example a zealot spawns, of course, and so naturally you move backwards to put some space between you and him
But then a shikari teleports in right on your ass and insta kills you say what you want about the original blood's difficulty
Shit didn't just appear out of nowhere Speaking of appearing out of nowhere here are the drudge priests flying bastards that of course shoot balls of napalm at you and also
Lightning i'd pop in and out for one of them not even for long enough to know if any of my shots land But the other one gets stuck and I just stand right there and shoot him in his stupid face. Literally a hundred times
Oh and they drop bone leeches because of course they do
Another day another corpse Another reason for making you finally get on the blue line and fuck. It's another guy with a howitzer right around the corner
He wasn't even the one that killed me since I had two health because fuck this game So I go off and I look for some health and I find the entrance doors from one of the previous times
I visited this train station, but they don't open and also they summon a drudge lord who immediately kills you with a fireball
Why fucking why what is the point? There's no ammo or health there. There's no reward for the player for killing it
There's nothing to find up there. It's just the game punishing you for exploring It's not like I found a useful item and a monster teleported in I found literally nothing
The subway leads into the crypts because the artful design of this game lends itself to the feeling of a broken dream
Where disparate areas can be connected because that's the logic of the dream I'm, sorry, I mean it's because this game is cobbled together from a bunch of beta content
So now you get to face the game's second boss the behemoth who is the bullet spongiest monster out of all He's not even that much of a threat in terms of bosses. I had the easiest time with him
He probably takes more punishment than the final boss of the game But if you keep far enough away from him and let him get stuck on those pillars
He's supposed to be able to destroy which explode into cinder blocks obviously fucking wrong
You just keep unloading on him until he dies. This is the only boss that doesn't have a health bar, too The only problem is that you get slowed down by ankle deep water. So you have to bunny hop everywhere
honestly This might be the easiest part of the game so far I just unload on him jump a safe distance away unload on him again, rinse and repeat and oh no
He's destroyed all the pillars I can hide behind Oh wait. No, it doesn't matter because he doesn't have any ranged attacks
I timed this it took two minutes and 37 seconds to kill this thing. And before I even know that i've done it
Ishmael teleports in out of nowhere and vainly tries to stitch the plot together. You're thinking about ophelia
How very touching oh i'll do more than that. There is a permanent rift in gideon's temple
It is a focus for all the damage that is being done and epicenter. So to speak you will find ophelia there
Groovy. Yeah, groovy Your dead girlfriend is no longer dead and is in gideon's temple The existence of which again makes me question why he needs a safe house chernobug's destruction opened many doors between the worlds
They can only be sealed by the one that binds that power lies within you
this reality will perish Unless you restore it chernabog was destroyed 100 fucking years ago were doors open then we only waited until now to do something about it
I realized caleb doesn't really give a fuck. Let it burn. I never liked this place anyway
But dude isn't all your stuff here guns liquor all that stuff You think there's going to be a convenient mirror dimension where all that exists too?
There is another reality forcing its way through the rifts ancient and revenues
It is neither good nor evil. It merely is But it will devour us all yes
Oh my fuck what is even happening here? So the cutscene ends you sit there for a couple of seconds before the loading screen starts and immediately you're in a tunnel watching
A car crash into a wall and you have to lower the bridge and you know what? It's just that's just confusing. I have no idea how I got here
and you get an extra raw just because i'm in a bad mood fucking But then a shikari spawns in
Guys i'm i'm not gonna lie. I'm really not feeling too good right now
Now i'm radioactive That can't be good eventually get into the city again, but thankfully not the city again
but also fuck this part too because 20 000 shikari teleport in and jump across the rooftops and now a sniper
Why in the fuck does this blood just hit the sky and stick there like it's a solid surface fuck this sniper into oblivion
he starts infighting with the shikari, and I send a ball at napalm his way and I thought just for a moment that maybe
Just maybe my napalm launcher wasn't an insultingly underpowered useless piece of shit But then I realized that it just blew him off the rooftop so he could land still be alive get a little stuck
And then fucking shoot me again fucking wrong. What what are you gonna do? I'm already dead now. I'm pretty sure my foot is mutating into a flipper i'm gonna look like that guy from robocop
And then there's a dude with a napalm launcher and oh fuck you game fuck you
Look who decides to show up exactly one level after I already fought him and waste my fucking time and ammo. Alright kids
Let's count them down 20 napalm shots 224 bullets 36 shells nine bug spray canisters
One lucky orb hit and 37 sniper rifle rounds Oh, yeah, and he got stuck on a fucking lamppost for most of that
The worst part about this is that after I beat him I looked over at the collection Of boxes and garbage cans that were placed about 20 feet in front of where the trigger to spawn him was
Which I didn't even pay attention to before because the giant bullet sponge boss from the last level just teleported in on a spunk dunk
In nowhere and started forcing me backwards like a horde of clear skeletons funny thing though
There's a triple damage power up in there. But the whole point of the boss is the design of this area Is that the boss pushes you back through the streets? So when the fuck was I supposed to get that?
finally finally Finally, we're at cabalco and we fuck around in there for a while before. Oh, look. It's a mini gun
Hey, i'll take what I can get. Oh, wait, that's right I have limited slots when you find a minigun in a normal game. You just pick it up and start blasting
that's Right laughing now just cut that shit out and hire a writer
But in this game, you're not gonna have an open weapon slot for it So this little area designed around getting the minigun and shooting the enemies that spawn here with it doesn't work because you have to stop
Cycle through your weapons find the one that you want to drop and by the time you've done that a shakari has already eaten Your face digested it pooped it out and sent it to one of the goddamn three sewer levels. I mean
Otherwise the minigun is pretty useful it eats through your ammo like Well a mini gun And the wind-up is a little too slow if you use it when monsters spawn out of nowhere to fuck you
But still it does more damage than most things. It wrecks the shikari, which is wonderful
This is seasoned perfectly So in the course of running around this level trying to figure out where to go you come upon an office held by colonel lingus
ha ha ha And you can just oh bullshit. Why does this desk explode? Why does this desk explode and spit out ammo that doesn't explode
Why there are these force fields around this map that I have no idea how to open? It's not the button in this control room
It's not any of these buttons right above the shooting range where I get the mini gun Or is it because I found out that you have to blow up these computers to progress, which is cool, I guess
But I had no idea. I was supposed to do that to deactivate the force fields, but fine, whatever Let's keep going get through this hallway that inexplicably has pools of toxic waste in it. Where?
And you jump up this ladder which somehow leads you into gideon's temple the temple of poon
I get it because ophelia is there and i'm wondering if both participants are dead if it still counts as necrophilia
Or if they're undead or if they're back from the dead for really poorly explained reasons
I've been dreaming of you all tied up like that Um prince charming, I presume
Hey lady You were into him too at one point like a hundred years ago caleb seems to be the only thing that hasn't changed
Give me some sugar baby. See he's still stealing army of darkness lines Give me some sugar baby cut me loose and i'll give you a whole cherry pie. She's talking about vagina
undead vagina Oh, yeah, and gideon's there on screen in full view the whole time
Perv, I thought you might come here. Oh you again? Of course, he's gonna come here
He's chasing you and even if he wasn't chasing you you kidnapped his girlfriend Which he's a touch sensitive about the last time someone fucked with her. It was your god who he killed?
Good bad. I i'm the guy with a gun Good
bad I'm the guy with the gun Why wouldn't he show up there? Sorry to break up this lovely reunion betrayer, but I need to keep you
Motivated why? Why would you do that? Why do you want the homicidal maniac who already killed a god more powerful than you and also hundreds if you follow
Fuck gideon wants to kill you so much that he sticks a mini boss on you one of the most obnoxious enemies in the game
the death shroud which phases in and out and apparently can only be hit in the face when it isn't phased out and
It's just a bitch. It's not broken or anything. It's just a pain in the ass they show up in some places and they're almost impossible to see until the shooting flaming skulls at you that also home in because
Of course they do and they have a habit of just shooting those even when you're filling their face with bullets because of course
Why not why have pain states? Honestly, the shotgun is the best way to deal with them, you know, like most things victims
Aren't we all victims? Aren't we all and as soon as you're out of gideon's temple?
Which I guess was built right in the middle of the cabalco tower Which makes me wonder where the stained glass windows open up to since it's I don't I don't know
You get upstairs and there's another behemoth waiting for you and I just let him fight with this cultist for a while hoping he might
Weaken him for me and then I put almost 500 bullets into it from the minigun and he's still going cool
Here's my favorite part of this level It's just the best you get down these stairs and you have two hallways you can go down
To your left is a death shroud which sucks and to your right is two cultists who will immediately hit you with flares
Which also sucks but if you choose to go to the right and maybe get through the weaker enemies a death shroud spawns directly behind
You because fuck you
You guys don't even understand there's still so much left so I go upstairs looking for a key and oh good. It's another behemoth
So I die twice trying to kill it sing most of my ammo into it and i'm not entirely sure that 20 napalm shots
224 bullets 36 shells nine bug spray canisters One lucky orb hit and 37 sniper rifle rounds wasn't me?
Just getting lucky with the random damage output and then it might not take twice that so I run around look for some more
ammo and drop a final 40 bullets into it to finally kill it leaving me to go to the next level with nothing but fucking
flares Once you're done with this filler level it takes you no no god damn it. I'm back here, and it's completely repopulated with enemies
Here we are again back at zero health and the game has spawned 2.7 million shikari
But now this other door is open and you can go to research and development which is important because gideon is there did I say?
Gideon is there because i'm lying he's not so why am I here time to do some research of your own?
Find the wacky scientist and he might just tell you where he keeps that singularity generator Why why would I want that? Is it going to bring the other chosen back to help me fight?
I mean, I guess that could be good. But from how this thing's been behaving the whole game It seems like it's kind of a crap shoot. I do still have this death ray. Is it better than a death ray?
Hello. Hello. Hello Hello. Hello, welcome to research and development or as I like to call it r d
You may call me doctor i've had some rather interesting subjects lately with all the fluctuations in the cosmic substrate, but
I must say i'm especially looking forward to your dissection
Please proceed to the main lab and we'll begin the experiment Great. Okay. Sure. Let's just fight
24.6 billion more shikari pick up a nearly invisible access card on the floor of this. Uh,
Shikari cage and then you go into a nearly identical shikari cage room to shoot more shikari and maybe get some health from this scientist
And the game crashed, you know what this game hasn't crashed on me yet Despite how fucking weird it acts so i'm gonna give this a pass this scientist just fell right through the floor
I was afraid that the game was going to crash the next time that happened about a minute later, but now it's fine
Then there's shit like this
Oh, that's a paddling fucking wrong and then there's this area where you have to face
136 trillion shikari for all the monsters the scientist claims to have in his collection It looks like he only has fucking shikari and somehow they managed to make a hole in the floor into this. Uh,
Flooded area with knee-high water and a goddamn drudge priest that's nearly impossible to fight especially since crouching in this water
Which your head is clearly above causes you to start drowning?
And I kill it with the death ray which ricochets back and kills me and I haven't even quick save since this whole goddamn other room full of
Shikari now it's time to face the evil mad scientist Well, that was fun
You shoot him so you can hit a switch to open a door to a room that has the singularity generator in it Which I have no slots for
Guess where you go? Next write the fuck back to the last map. Yeah, no shit And now there's another fucking behemoth might as well. Try out this big fucking gun. I just got
There's glass there you can't you can't see it but it's there It's almost over civi
You have to find gideon soon. He can't have gone far unless he has another helicopter Or an airship or something that generates interdimensional portals
Okay, we have a mid-range. Enemy on our hands here. The game's bfg should take care of it
It doesn't it actually takes two shots and then there's another one right at the top of the stairs Looks like we're going back to the death ray
Yeah, the mission objectives in this level tell you to blow up practically everything and you kind of have to if you want to have Any hope of finding the key card that unlocks one of these double doors not both of them
Just one of them going to the offices and oh god, damn it. I couldn't even see the death throughout that time
Did you guys did you guys see it go upstairs? And there's another behemoth because why not and I let this chuckle fuck shoot at him for a while to soften him up
And then I just don't fight it because I already have the key and I don't want to waste all my ammo and it's still not over because there's another floor of enemies to kill and then you have to find
This hidden button that opens a secret elevator that takes you to the roof and for once there's no cut scene
You just walk onto the roof and gideon's right there. But now he's going super saiyan He's got similar bullshit lasers to the ones the first boss had you can find the life leech up here, too
But that's a trick because you still have to empty a slot for it and pick it up And while the life lead shoots neat fireballs and gives you health back using it against gideon is suicide
You get plenty of health off him But he takes it away just as fast so why the fuck is it here? The way this seems to work is that you shoot giddy
And he basically teleports away normally to a position where he can immediately fuck you over and then he proceeds to fuck you over
So you need to hit him get behind cover hit him again and just keep doing this until he gets bored You will never truly defeat me
Then i'll just have to keep on kicking your ass He wants you to follow him. You dumb bastard. Yeah, ophelia's right
How the fuck did ophelia get there welcome to the other dimension kids because this game is never ever going to end
It's a battle to the death Preferably someone else's gideon's puppet strings can no longer be pulled and the puppeteer's comeuppance has just come up ancient one
Are you listening? Then hear this Oh, yeah Did I forget to mention the ancient one the big bad demonic force that's been controlling gideon this whole time from another dimension
Well the game forgot to mention it until well right Now you want to know what happens as soon as you get into the other dimension you immediately have to kill
Another behemoth, I guess this is entertaining Anyway while i'm recharging my health off the thing this poor cult is armed with only an ooze
He keeps shooting and eventually the behemoth gets him into a suicide bomber state
And it weakens the behemoth enough so that I only have to shoot him 139 more times and then i'm just
changing Into something
unpleasant Bring it on. What do you think of my new look?
Whoa, whoa giant spider Oh boy giant spider fight because it just wouldn't be right if we didn't have one of those
The second phase is actually a lot easier. I can stun lock him with the death ray cool I'll take it to hell. Tell him I sent you you'll get a discount. No
It's not fair I'll kill you now We just have to get through this level filled to the brim with fireball spamming drudge lords death shrouds and this many shikari
The life leech makes everything easier since you have a way of getting health back now This is probably one of the easiest parts if i'm being honest, you know
The penultimate level of the game the one that's really supposed to test your skills The monsters are still cheap as hell, but I had plenty of ammo. I was using the death ray for most of it
it's a fucking crime that the death ray only appeared once in one really secret area and just look at this whole map the
Architecture the sky the lighting. It's so different from the cramped hallways that make up most of the rest of the game
It's like we pulled a reverse half-life where the other dimension at The end of the game is better than the shit that came before it
That should be worth something you eventually get to an arena where the objective is to find the portal to the ancient one
The arena is for another boss rush
Fuck I love caleb even if he does like a bitch every 10 seconds Oh You're gonna hurt my feelings so they don't get together and attack you because the game for once isn't trying to mercilessly slaughter you
well, I guess it is or it would be if ishmael got anywhere near me and if spamming both ophelia and Gabriella with the minigun didn't immediately kill both of them
seriously ophelia jibs from the minigun in zero seconds flat and then I assume Gabriella portals right into my minigun fire and also dies. I fought all three of them and didn't lose a single head point
i'm at 300 health 100 armor No wonder they die all the time. I guess caleb was the one picking up the slack in the old days
Here we are the final boss the ancient one the boss of bosses In the words of some long forgotten and not so long wind kill it
Oh, is that a giant stationary tentacle monster Don't let that fool you he'll fuck your shit up explosive laser beams that can one or two hit you with full health and armor
Where have I seen that before? And you can only damage him by shooting him in the eye and he's got a ton of health
But there's a triple damage power up if you can get to it This is gonna be a long ugly fight i'm gonna have to really step it up if i'm gonna beat him
I'm, just kidding If you hide behind this one rock pop out shoot him and pop back in he can't kill you Unlike every other goddamn enemy in this game who have explosive attacks that cut right through walls. Not the fearsome ancient one
Okay, just one more time guys. Just one more It is unadvisable to use the clip again. Cv-11
Um i'm doing it it's rough. Come on Cb 11. I regret to inform you that the guards have elected to send you to the flame chamber
Flying chamber are you kidding? Just put a tarp down in here
Okay, okay, okay Oh jesus that was not um, i'm gonna need some of these bandages to change soon
That was some passion of the christ shit in there Can I at least see what happens to caleb and the chosen assuming that they're alive now?
Which I guess they are. Sure. Okay, it makes sense and is in no way undercooked or as you might say
Hey doc, this machine just called me an asshole. It's not over caleb
You must seal the rifts you must rebind the fabric of this reality before it tears itself apart, yes. Hmm
Yes, yes. Hmm. Yes Yes, I don't know nothing about that kind of stuff. The power is within you it is time. You used it
Okay, just shut up. I need to focus so he does that and wait what?
Katie didn't edit this it cuts directly from caleb trying to seal the riffs with a never before seen or used power to this
And then them just walking through the credits does caleb really close. The rifts does ophelia get her two minutes of gif
what the heck actually happened to gabriel or Gabriella, what if ishmael can't get home and where did he get those tattoos tune in next time on as it burns it
Burns enjoy these answers and more soon. We promise in the meantime get into some bloodbath
None of these questions are answered and some of them seem to address things. That weren't brought up in the first place What if ishmael can't get home? I didn't know ishmael was trying to get home
Where is he from? Who the fuck is does sibi survive radiation poisoning? Do they ever change his bandages what happened to all the doctors will civvy ever escape his prison and reunite with his beloved uncle frank
Tune in next time for these answers and more and also an extreme 90s movie with a rapping dog
In the meantime, please. Enjoy this death reel
Oh a bitch
Yeah
Oh
Oh
== Trivia ==
== Behind the Scenes ==
Category:Blood
Category:Episodes
Category:Season 1
Category:Remade Videos
Category:Monolith