The Card (Rewrite)/transcript

Previous Episode: Computer Overload
Next Episode: Bad Job Manners
== Transcript ==
Episode Aired: December 4, 2004
Episode Copyrighted: 2004
This episode is rated TV-Y7.
The episode starts.
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: Next! Oh, no...
Lincoln Loud: Hey, Quincy! How's my favorite money-man?
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: SpongeBob... what can I do for you?
Lincoln Loud: The new Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy cards come out today! So I need to take out some mon-ey.
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: Ugh. Let me see your bank book.
Lincoln Loud: Sure thing, Quincy, sure thing. *takes out my bank book*
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: Nice... bunnies.
Lincoln Loud: I know, I know. It's so embarrassing. *whispers* I wanted the one with the kittens on it.
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: Right. *pulls out SpongeBob's money* Here you are, sir.
Lincoln Loud: Thank you. Hm... Um, Quincy, this one is wrinkled. I couldn't possibly give this to Mermaid Man. It simply won't do.
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: I don't think they go directly to Mermaid Man, SpongeBob. But, um. Here. Try this one. *hands Lincoln a dollar*
Lincoln Loud: *sniffs the dollar* This one... smells funny.
Fish Customer in line: Come on! Would ya hurry up?
Fish Customer with mask and money bag: Yeah, some of us have withdrawals to make, ya know?
All Fish Customers: *complains*
Lincoln Loud: Well, I'll have you know that this is for Mermaid Man. And I'm not leaving until I have money that shows him the proper respect. *gets kicked out of bank, then screams*
All Fish Customers: *cheers*
SpongeBob and Lincoln are at Shady Shoals.
Mermaid Man: Next!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey, Mermaid Man! Hey, Barnacle Boy!
Lincoln Loud: How's our favorite superhero?
Mermaid Man: Ace Savvy and Mermaid Man.
Barnacle Boy: SpongeBob, Lincoln, what can we do for you?
SpongeBob SquarePants: The new Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy cards come out today! So we need to take out some mon-ey.
Barnacle Boy: Ugh. Let me see your money.
Lincoln Loud: Sure thing, Barnacle Boy, sure thing.
SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: *takes out our money*
Mermaid Man: Nice comics.
Lincoln Loud: I know, I know. We wanted the one for comics.
Barnacle Boy: Right.
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: *pulls out SpongeBob and Lincoln's money*
Barnacle Boy: Here you are, Lincoln and SpongeBob.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Thank you. Hm... Um, Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, this one is wrinkled. We couldn't possibly give this to you. It simply won't do.
Barnacle Boy: I don't think they go directly to Mermaid Man, SpongeBob. But here. *hands SpongeBob and Lincoln a dollar*
Lincoln Loud: It's a dollar.
Human Customer in line: Come on! Let's go!
Human Customer with mask and money bag: Yeah, some of us have comics to make, you know?
All Human Customers: *complains*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Well, I'll have you know that this is for you two. And we're not leaving until we have money that shows you the proper respect.
SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: *sees Master Lox and Plankton*
Lincoln Loud: Dang it.
SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: *gets kicked out of Shady Shoals, then screams*
All Human Customers: *cheers*
Lord Master Lox and Plankton: *spies on Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy*
Plankton: *evil laughs*
Lord Master Lox: Now, we kidnap Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. Is that right, Plankton?
Plankton: Yes.
Lord Master Lox and Plankton: *sneaks to Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy*
Human Customer: *screams* IT'S THOSE EVIL VILLAINS! GET OUT OF THIS BUILDING!
All Human Customers: *screams and runs off from Shady Shoals*
Lord Master Lox: Plankton, we get rid of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.
Plankton: Got it.
Mermaid Man: What the?
Lord Master Lox and Plankton: *takes the sack bags*
Barnacle Boy: Master Lox, Plankton, where did you get those sack bags.
Lord Master Lox: Here we go.
Lord Master Lox and Plankton: *kidnaps Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy with sack bags*
Mermaid Man: *inside sack bag* Hey, you can't kidnap us.
Barnacle Boy: *inside sack bag* Let us go.
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: *inside sack bag* HELP!
Lord Master Lox: Alright, let's load.
Plankton: Sounds good to me, Master Lox.
Lord Master Lox and Plankton: *takes Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy in the sack bags and laughs evilly*
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: *inside sack bag* HELP!
SpongeBob, Patrick, Lincoln and Leni are at Near Mint Comic Books.
Patrick Star: One, two, three, four...
Lincoln Loud: Hey, Patrick. Counting up your change for a pack of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy trading cards?
Patrick Star: No, I'm thinking about buying this book on counting. Three, four. What's gonna happen next? FIVE? Holy super-happy-fun-time! This book's good! I'll take it!
Leni Loud: Totes.
Patrick Star: One, two, three…
SpongeBob SquarePants: One pack of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy cards, please.
Comic Book Dealer: *gets a pack of cards*
SpongeBob SquarePants: All right!
Comic Book Dealer: Not so fast! Where's my dollar?
SpongeBob SquarePants: *pulls out a roll of dollars and pulls one off* Here you are, my good sir.
Comic Book Dealer: Here you go, kid.
Patrick Star: Seventeen…
SpongeBob SquarePants: So... shiny... and smooth! *rubs it against my face and smells it* Ah... oh! Oh! *opens cards* Oooh! Mermaid Man's bubble-powered wheelchair from season twelve! And Barnacle Boy's bunion!
Mr. Krabs: *enters Near Mint Comic Books* Hey, lads.
Lincoln Loud: Hi, Mr. Krabs.
Patrick Star: We're looking for a T-shirt.
Mr. Krabs: Great. It's the number fifty-six on a T-shirt. *looks at the number "56" on the T-shirt.
Leni Loud: Cool, Mr. Krabs.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Holy scallops! It's the dentures that Mermaid Man used to pop the Dirty Bubble in episode four-hundred two! Wow! These must be the most valuable cards in the world! I'll treasure them forever.
Comic Book Dealer: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Those cards aren't worth nothin'. I wouldn't put those cards in the spokes of my bike. Now, if you wanna see a card worth talkin' about, check this one out. This is the super-rare platinum hologram animated talking card: number fifty-four.
Voice: Mermaid Man says:
Mermaid Man: *fist swings by and hits Barnacle Boy, while Mermaid Man barely ducks out of the way* Buy more cards!
Comic Book Dealer: There are only five in existence.
SpongeBob SquarePants: How much is it? For this one?
Comic Book Dealer: This one's just a display. If you want a real one, you'll have to buy as many packs as you can and hope you get lucky.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *buys another pack* Oh, I have a good feeling about this one. Oh, come on. And it's... not there. *throws the cards and buys more* Mmm... no. *process continues until there is only one pack left* Ohhh!
Screen close up on SpongeBob's face.
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'll never find card fifty-four!
Patrick Star: Ninety-six, ninety-seven, ninety-eight, ninety-nine, one hundred! Oh! I hate counting! Just give me what he's having! Oh, boy! Let's see which card I got! Is this a good card, SpongeBob?
Lincoln Loud: No, it's just another…
Voice: Mermaid Man says:
Mermaid Man: Buy more cards!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Number fifty-four! That's the best card there is!
Lincoln Loud: Number fifty-four?!
Leni Loud: It sure does the job, all right.
Mr. Krabs: Yeah.
Patrick Star: *flossing my teeth with number fifty-four*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Aaahhhhh!! Patrick, you're picking your teeth with it!
Patrick Star: I'm preventing gingivitis.
It looks like he already has it.
Lincoln Loud: Patrick! That's the ultra-rare number fifty-four talking card! It's really valuable and there's only five in existence. And *speaks gibberish* Patrick! Blah blah blzzz! So now do you understand why you should take really good care of that card?
Patrick Star: Yes, sir. *starts picking my teeth with the card, then walks with SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, Lincoln and Leni out of the store*
SpongeBob SquarePants: I can't let anything happen to that card. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy would never forgive me! Patrick, watch out! You almost tripped on that crack.
Lincoln Loud: *puts card in a tiny seat belt on Patrick's hand* Whew! Now watch where you're going!
Patrick Star: Okay. Thanks, buddy.
A bus drives towards a mud puddle on the road next to them.
Lincoln Loud: Patrick, look out!
Patrick Star: Where?! Is it dirty?
Lincoln Loud: *in slow-motion and jumps in front of Patrick to avoid mud from hitting the card Nooooooooo! *gets covered in mud in the process in slow-motion*
It goes back to normal speed. A log of mud slowly slides out of Lincoln's mouth.
Lincoln Loud: Ha, that was close.
Mr. Krabs: Patrick, you gotta be more careful.
Patrick Star: Ha, ha. SpongeBob fly.
Lincoln Loud: Patrick, this is serious. You're carrying precious cargo now. You can't just wander aimlessly around like you've been...
Patrick Star: What? *walks into Goo Lagoon*
Lincoln Loud: The card! *jumps into the water and stops the card from going underwater by picking up Patrick
As he sinks. He carries him to the other side, then puts him down.
Lincoln Loud: Patrick, why'd you just walk into Goo Lagoon?
Patrick Star: Lincoln, you can't always expect my usual brand of stupidity. I like to mix it up. Keep you on your toes. *falls with whistling noise from a construction site and almost lands in fire*
SpongeBob SquarePants, Mr. Krabs, Lincoln and Leni Loud: Ahhh! *jumps in a crane, saves Patrick and drags him back to his home*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Here we are! Home safe home! And nothing happened to the card.
Patrick Star: Good job, SpongeBob. Now let me just get my keys. *pulls out ice cream cone* Nope. *pulls out key* There you are. I knew you were in there somewhere.
Leni Loud: The super-rare and priceless Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy trading card!
Lincoln Loud: Patrick! Where is it? Where is it?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Dear Neptune! You didn't put it in your pocket, did you? It's getting all bent up! Bent up! [wailing] Bent up! Bent up! Bent, bent, bent, bent up!
Patrick Star: Sheesh. Don't get your pants up in a square knot, you guys. I don't even believe in pockets. I keep everything I need right here. In the folds of my back fat. *pulls card out of my back* You seem to be pretty fond of this little thing. Why don't you just keep it?
SpongeBob SquarePants: You mean... *sniffles* you'd give me your most valuable possession?
Patrick Star: I'd give you my most valuable possession?
They hug each other.
SpongeBob SquarePants: You're the best pal ever.
Lincoln Loud: Me too.
Leni Loud: Me three.
Patrick Star: I'm the best pal ever. Mr. Krabs, can you do me one favor?
Mr. Krabs: Sure, Patrick. Anything for you.
Patrick Star: Do you mind if I hold on to it? Just for today?
Mr. Krabs: Um, sure, Patrick.
Patrick Star: Well, good. 'Cause my landlord changed the lock again.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick, wait! Let me call a locksmith.
Patrick Star: Oh! I don't need any old locksmith. *starts picking the lock with the card*
Lincoln Loud: Uh, Patrick? Patrick? Patrick! Don't ya think maybe... that you shouldn't…
Patrick Stat: Ugh! *my rock opens up* Man, this card is fantastic! *stomach growls* Breaking and entering sure makes a fella hungry. Hey, why don't we eat some dinner? And then I'll give you your card. *gets a barbecue grill* Ew! This barbecue's really filthy. Oh, but this'll take care of it.
SpongeBob SquarePants: No, wait, Patrick! Allow me to clean it!
Patrick Star: Now, now, SpongeBob I know you wanna help, but you're my guest. *scrapes grill with talking card* There! Nice and shiny!
Leni Loud: Patrick, what are you doing?! Patrick!
Patrick Star: *scrapes grill with talking card* There! Nice and shiny!
SpongeBob's lips quiver and his eyes are wide with shock.
Patrick Star: *uses a coral stick to scrape the card like a match*
The card smokes.
Patrick Star: *blows the card and it's lit on fire*
He burns the charcoal rocks with it. Close up on SpongeBob's eyes as he sees the card burning as a fire alarm ringing sound is heard in the background.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick! The card! It's on fire!
Patrick Star: Oh, yeah, yeah. I'll take care of it. *hawks up, then spits on the card putting out the fire* There! Good as new!
As he sees the saliva on the card.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Ew.
Patrick Star: *flips burgers with card*
Mr. Krabs: Dinner is served.
Patrick Star: *serves two cheeseburgers on the card*
As Patrick eats his burger, SpongeBob gets his burger, but the melted cheese is stuck to the card so he pulls it off getting cheese on it. A bubble in the cheese bulges then pops, destroying the card's talking feature.
The card is getting ready to break.
Mermaid Man: *garbles* More cards...
Patrick Star: *burps* Oh! Pardon me! That hit the spot! *wipes my face with the card like a napkin really getting cheese all over it*
Leni Loud: Hey! Look at that!
Lincoln Loud: Where is it, Leni?!
Patrick Star: I know! It's that hydraulic press in his lair over there!
Screen cuts to Master Lox's Lair, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are kidnapped on the rope in the hydraulic press.
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: Help!
Lord Master Lox: *evil laughs*
Barnacle Boy: What's going on? Who are you?
Lord Master Lox: That's right. It is I, Master Lox.
Mermaid Man: We've been kidnapped! We can't fight evil a foot!
Barnacle Boy: Evil a foot you say?
Mermaid Man: Yeah. *screams* EVIL!
Plankton: You're too late, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.
Lord Master Lox: Yeah, it's time to get crushed with the giant hydraulic press. *presses a button*
He activates the giant hydraulic press moving down slowly.
Plankton: Here we go.
Lord Master Lox and Plankton: *evil laughs*
Mermaid Man: I guess this is it, Barnacle Boy.
Barnacle Boy: What?
Mermaid Man: This is the end for our doom.
Lord Master Lox: It's moving slowly, Plankton.
Plankton: Yeah it is, Master Lox.
Mr. Krabs: *offscreen* Not so fast, Master Lox and Plankton!
Plankton: *angrily* Krabs!
Lord Master Lox: Mr. Krabs, what are you doing here?!
Mr. Krabs: You're going down, Master Lox and Plankton!
Plankton: Now hand over the formula, Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: Never!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Lincoln and Leni Loud: *walks to Mr. Krabs*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey, Mr, Krabs.
Leni Loud: We totes come to see you.
Mr. Krabs: Guys, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy have been kidnapped.
Patrick Star: What do we do?!
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob?!
Leni Loud: Hurry, it's about to get squish Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy with the giant hydraulic press!
Lincoln Loud: Untie the rope, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Roger! *goes to a giant hydraulic press*
All: *pauses for a second*
Lincoln Loud: Kidnapping Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, eh?
Mr. Krabs: You fight Master Lox. I'll fight Plankton. YAAAAAAAA!
Transcript
Episode Aired: December 4, 2004
Episode Copyrighted: 2004
This episode is rated TV-Y7.
The episode starts.
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: Next! Oh, no...
Lincoln Loud: Hey, Quincy! How's my favorite money-man?
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: SpongeBob... what can I do for you?
Lincoln Loud: The new Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy cards come out today! So I need to take out some mon-ey.
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: Ugh. Let me see your bank book.
Lincoln Loud: Sure thing, Quincy, sure thing. *takes out my bank book*
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: Nice... bunnies.
Lincoln Loud: I know, I know. It's so embarrassing. *whispers* I wanted the one with the kittens on it.
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: Right. *pulls out SpongeBob's money* Here you are, sir.
Lincoln Loud: Thank you. Hm... Um, Quincy, this one is wrinkled. I couldn't possibly give this to Mermaid Man. It simply won't do.
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: I don't think they go directly to Mermaid Man, SpongeBob. But, um. Here. Try this one. *hands Lincoln a dollar*
Lincoln Loud: *sniffs the dollar* This one... smells funny.
Fish Customer in line: Come on! Would ya hurry up?
Fish Customer with mask and money bag: Yeah, some of us have withdrawals to make, ya know?
All Fish Customers: *complains*
Lincoln Loud: Well, I'll have you know that this is for Mermaid Man. And I'm not leaving until I have money that shows him the proper respect. *gets kicked out of bank, then screams*
All Fish Customers: *cheers*
SpongeBob and Lincoln are at Shady Shoals.
Mermaid Man: Next!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey, Mermaid Man! Hey, Barnacle Boy!
Lincoln Loud: How's our favorite superhero?
Mermaid Man: Ace Savvy and Mermaid Man.
Barnacle Boy: SpongeBob, Lincoln, what can we do for you?
SpongeBob SquarePants: The new Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy cards come out today! So we need to take out some mon-ey.
Barnacle Boy: Ugh. Let me see your money.
Lincoln Loud: Sure thing, Barnacle Boy, sure thing.
SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: *takes out our money*
Mermaid Man: Nice comics.
Lincoln Loud: I know, I know. We wanted the one for comics.
Barnacle Boy: Right.
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: *pulls out SpongeBob and Lincoln's money*
Barnacle Boy: Here you are, Lincoln and SpongeBob.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Thank you. Hm... Um, Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, this one is wrinkled. We couldn't possibly give this to you. It simply won't do.
Barnacle Boy: I don't think they go directly to Mermaid Man, SpongeBob. But here. *hands SpongeBob and Lincoln a dollar*
Lincoln Loud: It's a dollar.
Human Customer in line: Come on! Let's go!
Human Customer with mask and money bag: Yeah, some of us have comics to make, you know?
All Human Customers: *complains*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Well, I'll have you know that this is for you two. And we're not leaving until we have money that shows you the proper respect.
SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: *sees Master Lox and Plankton*
Lincoln Loud: Dang it.
SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: *gets kicked out of Shady Shoals, then screams*
All Human Customers: *cheers*
Lord Master Lox and Plankton: *spies on Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy*
Plankton: *evil laughs*
Lord Master Lox: Now, we kidnap Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. Is that right, Plankton?
Plankton: Yes.
Lord Master Lox and Plankton: *sneaks to Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy*
Human Customer: *screams* IT'S THOSE EVIL VILLAINS! GET OUT OF THIS BUILDING!
All Human Customers: *screams and runs off from Shady Shoals*
Lord Master Lox: Plankton, we get rid of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.
Plankton: Got it.
Mermaid Man: What the?
Lord Master Lox and Plankton: *takes the sack bags*
Barnacle Boy: Master Lox, Plankton, where did you get those sack bags.
Lord Master Lox: Here we go.
Lord Master Lox and Plankton: *kidnaps Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy with sack bags*
Mermaid Man: *inside sack bag* Hey, you can't kidnap us.
Barnacle Boy: *inside sack bag* Let us go.
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: *inside sack bag* HELP!
Lord Master Lox: Alright, let's load.
Plankton: Sounds good to me, Master Lox.
Lord Master Lox and Plankton: *takes Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy in the sack bags and laughs evilly*
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: *inside sack bag* HELP!
SpongeBob, Patrick, Lincoln and Leni are at Near Mint Comic Books.
Patrick Star: One, two, three, four...
Lincoln Loud: Hey, Patrick. Counting up your change for a pack of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy trading cards?
Patrick Star: No, I'm thinking about buying this book on counting. Three, four. What's gonna happen next? FIVE? Holy super-happy-fun-time! This book's good! I'll take it!
Leni Loud: Totes.
Patrick Star: One, two, three…
SpongeBob SquarePants: One pack of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy cards, please.
Comic Book Dealer: *gets a pack of cards*
SpongeBob SquarePants: All right!
Comic Book Dealer: Not so fast! Where's my dollar?
SpongeBob SquarePants: *pulls out a roll of dollars and pulls one off* Here you are, my good sir.
Comic Book Dealer: Here you go, kid.
Patrick Star: Seventeen…
SpongeBob SquarePants: So... shiny... and smooth! *rubs it against my face and smells it* Ah... oh! Oh! *opens cards* Oooh! Mermaid Man's bubble-powered wheelchair from season twelve! And Barnacle Boy's bunion!
Mr. Krabs: *enters Near Mint Comic Books* Hey, lads.
Lincoln Loud: Hi, Mr. Krabs.
Patrick Star: We're looking for a T-shirt.
Mr. Krabs: Great. It's the number fifty-six on a T-shirt. *looks at the number "56" on the T-shirt.
Leni Loud: Cool, Mr. Krabs.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Holy scallops! It's the dentures that Mermaid Man used to pop the Dirty Bubble in episode four-hundred two! Wow! These must be the most valuable cards in the world! I'll treasure them forever.
Comic Book Dealer: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Those cards aren't worth nothin'. I wouldn't put those cards in the spokes of my bike. Now, if you wanna see a card worth talkin' about, check this one out. This is the super-rare platinum hologram animated talking card: number fifty-four.
Voice: Mermaid Man says:
Mermaid Man: *fist swings by and hits Barnacle Boy, while Mermaid Man barely ducks out of the way* Buy more cards!
Comic Book Dealer: There are only five in existence.
SpongeBob SquarePants: How much is it? For this one?
Comic Book Dealer: This one's just a display. If you want a real one, you'll have to buy as many packs as you can and hope you get lucky.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *buys another pack* Oh, I have a good feeling about this one. Oh, come on. And it's... not there. *throws the cards and buys more* Mmm... no. *process continues until there is only one pack left* Ohhh!
Screen close up on SpongeBob's face.
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'll never find card fifty-four!
Patrick Star: Ninety-six, ninety-seven, ninety-eight, ninety-nine, one hundred! Oh! I hate counting! Just give me what he's having! Oh, boy! Let's see which card I got! Is this a good card, SpongeBob?
Lincoln Loud: No, it's just another…
Voice: Mermaid Man says:
Mermaid Man: Buy more cards!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Number fifty-four! That's the best card there is!
Lincoln Loud: Number fifty-four?!
Leni Loud: It sure does the job, all right.
Mr. Krabs: Yeah.
Patrick Star: *flossing my teeth with number fifty-four*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Aaahhhhh!! Patrick, you're picking your teeth with it!
Patrick Star: I'm preventing gingivitis.
It looks like he already has it.
Lincoln Loud: Patrick! That's the ultra-rare number fifty-four talking card! It's really valuable and there's only five in existence. And *speaks gibberish* Patrick! Blah blah blzzz! So now do you understand why you should take really good care of that card?
Patrick Star: Yes, sir. *starts picking my teeth with the card, then walks with SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, Lincoln and Leni out of the store*
SpongeBob SquarePants: I can't let anything happen to that card. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy would never forgive me! Patrick, watch out! You almost tripped on that crack.
Lincoln Loud: *puts card in a tiny seat belt on Patrick's hand* Whew! Now watch where you're going!
Patrick Star: Okay. Thanks, buddy.
A bus drives towards a mud puddle on the road next to them.
Lincoln Loud: Patrick, look out!
Patrick Star: Where?! Is it dirty?
Lincoln Loud: *in slow-motion and jumps in front of Patrick to avoid mud from hitting the card Nooooooooo! *gets covered in mud in the process in slow-motion*
It goes back to normal speed. A log of mud slowly slides out of Lincoln's mouth.
Lincoln Loud: Ha, that was close.
Mr. Krabs: Patrick, you gotta be more careful.
Patrick Star: Ha, ha. SpongeBob fly.
Lincoln Loud: Patrick, this is serious. You're carrying precious cargo now. You can't just wander aimlessly around like you've been...
Patrick Star: What? *walks into Goo Lagoon*
Lincoln Loud: The card! *jumps into the water and stops the card from going underwater by picking up Patrick
As he sinks. He carries him to the other side, then puts him down.
Lincoln Loud: Patrick, why'd you just walk into Goo Lagoon?
Patrick Star: Lincoln, you can't always expect my usual brand of stupidity. I like to mix it up. Keep you on your toes. *falls with whistling noise from a construction site and almost lands in fire*
SpongeBob SquarePants, Mr. Krabs, Lincoln and Leni Loud: Ahhh! *jumps in a crane, saves Patrick and drags him back to his home*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Here we are! Home safe home! And nothing happened to the card.
Patrick Star: Good job, SpongeBob. Now let me just get my keys. *pulls out ice cream cone* Nope. *pulls out key* There you are. I knew you were in there somewhere.
Leni Loud: The super-rare and priceless Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy trading card!
Lincoln Loud: Patrick! Where is it? Where is it?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Dear Neptune! You didn't put it in your pocket, did you? It's getting all bent up! Bent up! [wailing] Bent up! Bent up! Bent, bent, bent, bent up!
Patrick Star: Sheesh. Don't get your pants up in a square knot, you guys. I don't even believe in pockets. I keep everything I need right here. In the folds of my back fat. *pulls card out of my back* You seem to be pretty fond of this little thing. Why don't you just keep it?
SpongeBob SquarePants: You mean... *sniffles* you'd give me your most valuable possession?
Patrick Star: I'd give you my most valuable possession?
They hug each other.
SpongeBob SquarePants: You're the best pal ever.
Lincoln Loud: Me too.
Leni Loud: Me three.
Patrick Star: I'm the best pal ever. Mr. Krabs, can you do me one favor?
Mr. Krabs: Sure, Patrick. Anything for you.
Patrick Star: Do you mind if I hold on to it? Just for today?
Mr. Krabs: Um, sure, Patrick.
Patrick Star: Well, good. 'Cause my landlord changed the lock again.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick, wait! Let me call a locksmith.
Patrick Star: Oh! I don't need any old locksmith. *starts picking the lock with the card*
Lincoln Loud: Uh, Patrick? Patrick? Patrick! Don't ya think maybe... that you shouldn't…
Patrick Stat: Ugh! *my rock opens up* Man, this card is fantastic! *stomach growls* Breaking and entering sure makes a fella hungry. Hey, why don't we eat some dinner? And then I'll give you your card. *gets a barbecue grill* Ew! This barbecue's really filthy. Oh, but this'll take care of it.
SpongeBob SquarePants: No, wait, Patrick! Allow me to clean it!
Patrick Star: Now, now, SpongeBob I know you wanna help, but you're my guest. *scrapes grill with talking card* There! Nice and shiny!
Leni Loud: Patrick, what are you doing?! Patrick!
Patrick Star: *scrapes grill with talking card* There! Nice and shiny!
SpongeBob's lips quiver and his eyes are wide with shock.
Patrick Star: *uses a coral stick to scrape the card like a match*
The card smokes.
Patrick Star: *blows the card and it's lit on fire*
He burns the charcoal rocks with it. Close up on SpongeBob's eyes as he sees the card burning as a fire alarm ringing sound is heard in the background.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick! The card! It's on fire!
Patrick Star: Oh, yeah, yeah. I'll take care of it. *hawks up, then spits on the card putting out the fire* There! Good as new!
As he sees the saliva on the card.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Ew.
Patrick Star: *flips burgers with card*
Mr. Krabs: Dinner is served.
Patrick Star: *serves two cheeseburgers on the card*
As Patrick eats his burger, SpongeBob gets his burger, but the melted cheese is stuck to the card so he pulls it off getting cheese on it. A bubble in the cheese bulges then pops, destroying the card's talking feature.
The card is getting ready to break.
Mermaid Man: *garbles* More cards...
Patrick Star: *burps* Oh! Pardon me! That hit the spot! *wipes my face with the card like a napkin really getting cheese all over it*
Leni Loud: Hey! Look at that!
Lincoln Loud: Where is it, Leni?!
Patrick Star: I know! It's that hydraulic press in his lair over there!
Screen cuts to Master Lox's Lair, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are kidnapped on the rope in the hydraulic press.
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: Help!
Lord Master Lox: *evil laughs*
Barnacle Boy: What's going on? Who are you?
Lord Master Lox: That's right. It is I, Master Lox.
Mermaid Man: We've been kidnapped! We can't fight evil a foot!
Barnacle Boy: Evil a foot you say?
Mermaid Man: Yeah. *screams* EVIL!
Plankton: You're too late, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.
Lord Master Lox: Yeah, it's time to get crushed with the giant hydraulic press. *presses a button*
He activates the giant hydraulic press moving down slowly.
Plankton: Here we go.
Lord Master Lox and Plankton: *evil laughs*
Mermaid Man: I guess this is it, Barnacle Boy.
Barnacle Boy: What?
Mermaid Man: This is the end for our doom.
Lord Master Lox: It's moving slowly, Plankton.
Plankton: Yeah it is, Master Lox.
Mr. Krabs: *offscreen* Not so fast, Master Lox and Plankton!
Plankton: *angrily* Krabs!
Lord Master Lox: Mr. Krabs, what are you doing here?!
Mr. Krabs: You're going down, Master Lox and Plankton!
Plankton: Now hand over the formula, Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: Never!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Lincoln and Leni Loud: *walks to Mr. Krabs*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey, Mr, Krabs.
Leni Loud: We totes come to see you.
Mr. Krabs: Guys, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy have been kidnapped.
Patrick Star: What do we do?!
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob?!
Leni Loud: Hurry, it's about to get squish Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy with the giant hydraulic press!
Lincoln Loud: Untie the rope, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Roger! *goes to a giant hydraulic press*
All: *pauses for a second*
Lincoln Loud: Kidnapping Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, eh?
Mr. Krabs: You fight Master Lox. I'll fight Plankton. YAAAAAAAA!
Plankton: Huh?!
Mr. Krabs: *beats up Plankton*
Patrick Star: *deactivates the giant hydraulic press*
The giant hydraulic press stops moving down.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *saves Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy untying the rope*
Leni Loud: Take that, Master Lox. *punches Master Lox*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Come on, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. Let's go.
Barnacle Boy: Sure is, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: *gets out of the giant hydraulic press*
Patrick Star: *punches Master Lox*
Lord Master Lox: Ouch!
Mr. Krabs: *kicks Plankton to the floor*
He falls to the floor.
Plankton: Oh man, here we go again.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Now, Lincoln.
Lincoln Loud: Okay. *flings Master Lox to the giant hydraulic press*
Lord Master Lox: *screams, getting flung to the giant hydraulic press*
Mr. Krabs: *turns on giant hydraulic press, offscreen* Hydraulic press, activated!
Lord Master Lox: CURSE YOU, MR. KRABS! *gets crushed by giant hydraulic press*
The giant hydraulic press lifts back up.
Lord Master Lox: *livid, to Mr. Krabs* It's your fault! I never should have made you! You make me sick! *grunts*
Mermaid Man: Thanks for saving us, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob SquarePants: You're welcome, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy!
Plankton: Oh no, Master Lox got squished!
Mr. Krabs: It’s the hydraulic press, see!
Plankton: What’s this?! *goes on the giant hydraulic press*
Mr. Krabs: Me formuler!
Plankton: That’s right, Krabs. Hand over the formula.
Mr. Krabs: No, never!
Plankton: Time to get squished, Krabs. *evil laughs, then presses the button but it turns on* Uh oh. *gets crushed by giant hydraulic press like Master Lox did*
Mr. Krabs: Bye bye, Plankton. Ar ar ar ar ar.
The giant hydraulic press lifts back up again.
Plankton: *grunts* Curse you, Krabs.
Slide transition cuts to Conch Street. The sun sets below the horizon in the distance.
Patrick Star: Sundown already? Well, you can have your card now. I hope you get as much use out of it as I have.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *whines over my card
As it starts to short circuit.
Mermaid Man: Zzbbb... more cards...
The card disintegrates into a pile of black dust on his hand as the music from the card warps down.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh! It's ruined!
He starts to cry, his eyes blow tears out, and he runs away crying as the tears rain down on Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: What a crybaby.
Mermaid Man: *walks up to SpongeBob* SpongeBob, what's wrong?
SpongeBob SquarePants: *sniffles* Now I'll never have Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy card #54, the special talking one!
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: *puts a comforting arm around SpongeBob*
Barnacle Boy: Aw... sure you will.
SpongeBob SquarePants: No. No! I spent all my money! And, *gasps* and, *gasps* and Patrick bought that last pack! So there's no more left in all of Bikini Bottom.
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: Well, how about these? *pulls out eight trading cards each*
Announcer: Mermaid Man says...
Eight fists punch eight Barnacle Boys on the eight cards.
Mermaid Man: Buy more cards! (x8)
SpongeBob SquarePants: *whispers* Number 54! Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, where did you get these?!
Barnacle Boy: Well, that pack we bought was full of 'em.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *makes one last sniffle*
He stops crying.
Lincoln Loud: May we... have one?
Mermaid Man: Sure, cards for everyone. They're all yours, guys.
Barnacle Boy: See ya later.
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: *goes to the invisible boatmobile*
Mermaid Man: *drives the invisible boatmobile*
The invisible boatmobile drives off.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Lincoln and Leni Loud: Bye Mermaid Man. Bye Barnacle Boy.
He feels happy as he feels better.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Wow!
Patrick Star: Oh! Hey, guys? Can I borrow one of those cards? *points to my rock* I locked myself out of my house again.
Mr. Krabs: Oh boy.
Screen fades in black and it says "THE END". Episode ends.
Category:Transcripts
Category:The esa Episodes
Category:The esa Season 6 Transcripts