Bram Stoker vs Alfred Hitchcock

Timeless author and Dracula's creator, Bram Stoker, raps against famed director and Norman Bates' creator, Alfred Hitchcock, to see who better adapted horror from pages to the big screen.
== Cast ==
Nice Peter as Bram Stoker
EpicLLOYD as Alfred Hitchcock
Jacksfilms as ???
Nice Peter as ???
EpicLLOYD as ???
Nice Peter as ???
JacksFilms as Norman Bates (cameo)
YamiMash as Dracula (cameo)
Nice Peter as ??? (cameo)
Nice Peter as ??? (cameo)
Zach Sherwin as Stephen King (cameo)
George Watsky as Edgar Allan Poe (cameo)
George Watsky as ??? (cameo)
George Watsky as ??? (cameo)
Brooke Lawson as ??? (cameo)
== Locations ==
Bram Stoker: Dracula's Castle
Alfred Hitchcock: The Bates Motel
== Lyrics ==
(film projector turns on)
=== Announcer: ===
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY
ALFRED HITCHCOCK
VS
BRAM STOKER
BEGIN!
=== Bram Stoker: ===
It was a dark and stormy night! When Stoker revoked a thorn,
Choked a bloke, I conjured hopes before your mother was even born!
So Tell Your Children that your works can stick to rotting on the Telley’
And you thought you could step to me, the OG who inspired Mary Shelley!
Bram’s on a Frenzy! Slam this pansy with my vernacular so spectacular!
Man to Woman, I’m rapping her! Let’s see you go toe to toe with Dracula!
But this elmerich albino will learn I’m the main attraction! You’re just the sideshow!
With a black and white version of Birdemic, surely you’re Psycho!
Sink your Lifeboat! I must Confess, your films put people on their tiptoes,
But I’ll link this Lamb to his Slaughter and leave his wife a Young Widow!
You obese, greasy, meaty sleze! I’ll leave blood splattered on your posters!
That the Last Days of Alfred Hitchcock were once again ended by a “Stroke”-r!
=== Alfred Hitchcock: ===
Ladies and Gentlemen, take a seat, and watch as Bram Stoker gets beat, 
Alfred Hitchcock Presents rhymes to lead this grand poser to his defeat 
If you hope to fence the Master of Suspense, I’m afraid you won’t get far, 
So Dial M for Murder as this MC brings the heat to be rated R!
This so called rival doesn’t deserve to be prideful, are you homicidal? 
Your novels never went viral, while I was Steven Spielberg's idol! 
Thinking you’re better? You’re in denial! Can’t cramp on Weird Al's style! 
I’ve got the lines sicker than your health when you were a child! 
When stepping to this cultural icon, you’ll need a strong plan, 
At least my characters can step outside! Battle me and you’re Wrong, Man!
Shooting lyrical cannons and jamming this imbecile into a phantom, 
The hardest thing slamming Ireland since the potato famine
=== H.P. Lovecraft: ===
[Background changes to a stormy ocean.]
I am singing this under an appreciable mental strain, 
Since by tonight will be the end of this Hitched shit stain! 
Take one, for the team when Dagon, makes you pray, 
Breakdown, all your plays and you’re a Beast In A Cave! 
The suspense is killing me; do not test me! You’ve become Bird food! 
I am H.P., You cannot best me; Call up Cthulhu to stomp all over you! 
Cosmicism is too complex for the mind of this mess! 
You’re a pest, I’m Herbert West! You can’t Murder! this!
=== Wes Craven: ===
[Background changes to Freddy's Dream World.]
Ring, ring! H.P, it’s me, and it’s time to put down the phone, 
Break some bones, without Cthulhu you wouldn’t be known! 
So let’s Scream! This battle’s truly getting spooky, 
Meet the next Nightmare from Elm Street! Do you like Scary Movies? 
So continue collecting dust, this poser bones groan to decompose 
You’re so ugly, you’re the reason the Hills keep their Eyes closed! 
You’re in for a Shocker! Craven’s craving this blazen, stay low, 
The pain’s slow! I’m the Serpent, you’re more like the Rainbow!
=== R.L. Stine: ===
[Background changes to HorrorLand.]
My dearest rappers, beware, you’ve begun to explore the damned 
So put down the camera and step into my horror land 
I’ll shoot you Losers to Space, I’m Craven to diss this Psycho, 
But this is no Beast from the East! This dino Came From Ohio! 
Who Let The Ghosts Out? I’ll send Wes west with a seizure, 
Pop this geezer back to the freezer! I’m a real life Body Squeezer! 
Be Afraid - Be Very Afraid! With my ancient power, you’ll never be saved, 
Are You Terrified Yet? Slappy you all to and back beyond the grave! 
My flow will sting any competition a faux poser foe will bring 
My horror swings kids books more terrifying than Poe or King! 
So Say Cheese and Die! When on the mic, I abuse grumps! 
Tick Tock, You’re Dead. Left your bodies riddled with Goosebumps.
=== Tim Burton: ===
[Background changes to the Maitland's attic.]
We interrupt this program to tell you you’re going to lose, 
This bad man Returns to mash the three of you to Beetle Juice! 
So Stoker got lazy and rose another Stine to diss my maties, 
But to think you could beat me, you’re Planet of the Ape-shit crazy! 
But R.L., let’s be real, you’re a Living Dummy, and you’re slacking, boy, 
I’ll call up Scissorhands and Sweeney to mutilate this Cabin Boy 
So keep those Big Eyes open and take a peek through my Looking Glass, 
And see that Depp won’t be needed to produce my foot up your ass! 
You couldn’t hope to beat me, with your kids books on banshees, 
See these? I produce Big Adventures worth way more then you Pee-Wees! 
A real Nightmare Before Christmas with these disses! You’ll have died! 
Collect dust like your creations. The future has arrived, my friends.
=== Announcer: ===
WHO WON?
WHO'S NEXT?
YOU DECIDE!
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY
(book closes)