Dr. Dolittle 2/Transcript

==Transcript==
Welcome to San Francisco,|the city by the bay.
Home to 30,000 fre hydrants, 4 million tennis|balls and very liberal pooper-scooper laws.
My name is Lucky. I'm a dog, in case you|hadn't guessed, and I belong to this man.
You remember Dr Dolittle, right?|The guy who can talk to animals?
If you don't, let me jog your memory.|He's a doctor and he talks to animals.
Anyways, he's busier than ever.
Doctor, you've got Mr Carson at ten for|a full workup. Mr Wennington's EKG's at 12.
- Mrs Bloom's got a bad rash. I told her 11.15.|- Got you.
Buster's deworming is at 12.30. Misty's cough|is back. I put her in at one. Then neuters.
- Rotary Club dinner tonight.|- Kennel Club tomorrow.
OK, push Mr Carson to 11. I'll deworm Buster|at 12, do the EKG at 12.30. Move Misty to 1.15.
And, Lucky, stop mixing up my charts.|Last week I almost neutered Mr Panitch.
From what I hear,|you'd be doing Mrs Panitch a favour.
Any time, ladies. Thank you.
No matter how busy he got,|Doc always found time to help animals.
- Hi. My name is Bandit.|- How you doin', Bandit?
- And I'm a stray.|- That's OK. We're all strays.
I know how hard it is the first time.|Take your time.
- One paw at a time, Bandit.|- That's true.
That's right. Never give up hope, Bandit.|And notjust Bandit. All you dogs, listen.
Every dog in here can find a family|and be somebody's best friend.
Let me hear you say that.|Say: I am somebody's best friend.
- I am somebody's best friend.|- One more time:
I am somebody's best friend!
- I am somebody's best friend.|- That's right. That's right.
Also, there's a family in North Beach|trying to find a good watchdog.
Somebody house-broken and great with kids.|Anyone got a background in security?
That'd be Rusty. Rusty's a watchdog.
- Who's Rusty?|- Rusty... Oh, no. Rusty!
- This better be important.|- No, uh, never mind, Rusty.
It says "Must not lick...
...all the time. "
Every zoo in the country had a job for him. He|was especially good at matters of the heart.
How long's it been|since you made baby turtles?
Not that long, maybe 20 years.
It'll be 48 years next Monday.
OK, I see the problem.|Listen, I'm gonna give you these pills.
- Crush 'em up and put 'em in your food.|- What do they do?
Oh...
Oh-oh, yeah, you're lookin' fine.
Ho-ho, comin' atcha, baby!
In fact, he became an international celebrity,|travelling from Alaska to Australia.
I'm here with the world-famous Dr Dolittle,|who actually speaks with animals.
Now, what we're gonna do is sneak up on|and rescue this unsuspecting alligator.
We're quiet so he doesn't know we're here.
The trick with catching this alligator|is to be wary of those teeth...
Hey, Dolittle, see what I'm doing is allowing|Steve to think I don't know he's back there...
...wait until he tries to grab me, turn on him|and, Bob's your uncle, bite his arm off!
I'm gonna have to get|my arm round his neck...
- Hey, Steve, he knows we're here.|- Sh, don't blow the element of surprise.
Now!
Oh!
Crikey, me arm!
It seemed everybody wanted a piece of|the good doctor, and his family understood.
- Thank you.|- Well, most of them did.
But we'll get to that part in a minute.|Right now I gotta answer the door.
- Yeah, who's there?|- Hey, it's me. I forgot my key. Open up.
Well, then I guess you'll have to beg, huh?|Come on, boy, beg.
Come on. Get it? Role reversal.
Cos usually it's the human...
...that says to the dog...|- I know you better open up the door 'fore I...
Just open the door, Lucky.
- Seeing as you feed me, I'll let you in.|- OK. Thank you. Thank you.
- Guess who's back from France.|- John?
Hey. Hey!
- Hey, sweetie.|- How you doin'?
Aaaah!
I got you a present from Paris.
- That's for me?|- Yes, for you, for us.
- Oh!|- Yeah, I can enjoy this present as well!
You know what would be a nice present?
If you could keep that flock|of your faithful away.
I'm sorry. I'll talk to them later.
- Daddy!|- Hey, baby. How are you doin'?
- Look, I got you a little present from Mexico.|- Ooh, gracias. I wonder what it is.
Agh! Earthquake! 911!
- No, I wouldn't shake it.|- Ow, my spleen! That hurt!
- Oh! He's so cute. Thanks, Dad.|- Hey, this isn't Puerto Vallarta.
It's a chameleon. It can change colour.
The blendmaster is in the house.|I'm gonna disappear like old baby's daddy.
Now you see me.|Boomph. Now you don't, eh?
- No, we can still see you.|- I'm not gone? I'm not invisible?
- You did remember it's Charisse's birthday?|- Sure. Did you remember to get the cake?
- Charisse doesn't want a family birthday.|- What's that about?
- We always celebrate together.|- You have anything green?
- Take this thing to your room, please.|- Guacamole? A zucchini? A big pickle?
- She's got a date.|- I suck.
A date?
- A date with who?|- I didn't ask. She's a big girl now, John.
We'll see about this date thing.|Where's the birthday girl at?
- She's unreachable.|- What do you mean? Where is she?
She's in her room with the door locked|and headphones on. Try paging her.
She's in the house and she's unreachable?!|I'm supposed to page her in my own house?
OK, we'll see if I'm gonna page.|I ain't paging nothin'.
Careful, Doc, she's 16. That's a tough age.
Hey. Charisse, open this door!
- Do you believe this? Hey!|- Try her cell.
I'm not calling on the cellphone|while she's in her bedroom.
Hey!
Charisse!
Open the door!
OK. All right. OK.
OK!
Agh!
Charisse!
Those teenagers, Doc.|They can drive a man to drink.
Hey.
- What are you drinkin'?|- Gatorade.
Oh, really? Give it to me.
- Gatorade make wine now, huh?|- Blah!
You better slow down.
- Which one of you is Dolittle?|- What now?
- I have a message from the boss.|- From the who?
The Godbeaver.|Save the questions and come with me.
You know the rules. You just don't come up|here. Make an appointment. An appointment!
Now, go! Tell the beaver|to make an appointment.
I can't. I'll end up sleeping with the fishes.
How's it gonna look in the paper if Dr Dolittle|throws a possum off the roof? Not right.
- Now, leave! Cos I will.|- Watch your tone, buddy.
Charisse!
- Talk.|- This is Daddy.
- Hey!|- I got a couple of questions for you.
I wanna know how come I gotta climb|up a side of a building to talk to you...
Dad, where are you?
- Dad! Dad, what are you doing?|- What? This is the only way I can reach you!
What are you doin' in here?|What's all of this?
- You do that in public?|- Dance? Of course.
That's not dancing. That's advertising.|Why don't you want a family birthday?
Having dinner with your family is|what you do when you're young, not 16.
- Besides, I have a date.|- Bring your date with you. You're coming.
Cool! "Eric, my parents and my little sister|will be joining us on our date. "
No, he's gonna be joining us|at a family event. We have it every year.
I don't even know why...
- What's this?|- Dad, that's private.
I can see why it's private. It's embarrassing.|Charisse, you got two Cs and a D on here.
Embarrassing? Dad, you are the last person|to talk about anything being embarrassing.
What are you talkin' about?|What's that supposed to mean?
Argh!
So I should stop doing what I do and helping|animals because you find it embarrassing?
- That's not gonna happen.|- That's right it's not, so forget it.
You're comin' to dinner. Look at this.
- No cellphone for a week.|- What am I gonna do without my cellphone?
Here's some stamps. You can learn|to write a letter. You think I care?
Look at me. Do I look like I care?|Just look. Look at me.
No, Charisse, look at me.|Do I look like I care? Look.
I don't care.
This is unbelievable. She has|50 numbers in here, not one is mine.
- You shouldn't be looking at that.|- Why not?
"Biggie Mack Cell. "
"Biggie Mack Pager. " "Biggie Mack Home. "
- Who the hell is Biggie Mack?|- I don't know, John.
I'm gonna find out who Biggie Mack is. I don't|like that name. What kind of name is that?
- What is that?|- Marcus's cellphone.
- Cellphone?|- Mm-hm.
- When did he get a cellphone?|- Last week.
- What are you doing? John!|- Sh. I'm checking out Biggie Mack.
Hello.
- Hey, who is this?|- Who is this?
- Is this Biggie Mack?|- Who wants to know?
- Hey, I'm asking the questions here, punk.|- What?
- How old are you?|- None of your business!
What if I make it my business to find out?
- Are you threatenin' me?|- I don't make threats. I'm promisin' you...
- Is this John Dolittle?|- Hi. I'm so sorry, that's a wrong number.
- It's a grown man on the end of that phone.|- I wish I could say the same thing about you.
- The door.|- I hear the door.
- Go get that door!|- Who am I - Mr French? I got to get doors?
Coming!
Hey, Dr D. Wassup? It's me.
Me? Who's Me? Back up, Me.
I'm sayin', you gonna let me in?
- Dr D, what's goin' on?|- Excuse me?
Remember me? Eric. Domino's Pizza?|Extra cheese, anchovies, tomatoes...
- You're the pizza guy.|- Yeah.
- Thanks, man. Did I forget to give you a tip?|- No, you gave me somethin' better than a tip.
- I'm gonna take care of you cos...|- Hey, Eric.
Wassup, baby? You ready?
- Whoa, whoa, wait. This is your date?|- Dad, Eric. Eric, Dad.
- My man! Wassup? Wassup?|- Um, Eric, no.
- We have to stay here and eat dinner.|- Huh?
It's cool with me.
Charisse, don't be like that. You're gonna|ruin dinner for everybody. Come on, now.
You know what, Pops? Don't even sweat|that, man. I know how to take care of her.
Pops?
When Charisse was a year and a half,|she didn't want to wear diapers any more.
- Remember that?|- John.
She had accidents around the house cos|she didn't have it down yet. We'd have piles...
- Dad, you had to go there, didn't you?|- Come on, this is family.
- It's cool. I'm actually learnin' something.|- Really?
Interesting you never learnt|to take off your hat at the table.
Isn't your head getting hot?|Mine is, just lookin' at you in that hat.
Sixteen!
Just think, Charisse, in two years|you'll be out of this house and off to college.
One year, ten months, sixteen days.
Berkeley's a close college. If you went there,|you could live at home and save money.
That's a good idea, but I've reserved|a U-Haul for the day I graduate high school.
Oh. You've reserved a U-Haul already?
Uh, Dad, someone to see you.
Yo. Step outside.
- Thank you, sweetie. Excuse me, darling.|- Bye, Dad. Love you.
I love you too. Excuse me, Eric.
- Yeah. Hey, yo. Yo, down here. OK.|- Now, what do you want?
First of all, the beaver sends|birthday greetings to your lovely daughter.
Oh, really? Very nice. Go tell|the beaver he's getting on my nerves.
Oh, what you gettin' bent out of shape for?|He only wants a moment of your time.
- What if I say no?|- You don't wanna go down that road.
Tell the beaver|eight o'clock, my office, tomorrow.
Oh! The beaver don't travel for nobody. He|knows you're busy and he'll remember this...
...but this is truly a life-or-death situation.
All right, shut up. Listen.|My car, 7am. All right?
Hey, this is good news.|The beaver likes good news.
- Thank you.|- Jimmy, get the car.
# Happy birthday to you
- # Happy birthday!|- # Happy birthday, dear Charisse
# Happy birthday
# Happy birthday to you
Come on, blow your candles out|and make a wish.
Wee! Surprise!
- Happy birthday!|- It's your birthday. It's your birthday.
There's a mouse in the house!
- Give me that.|- I am licking the candles.
- Oh, yeah? You can lick my fat, funky...|- Don't be a piggy.
- Charisse, I'm so sorry.|- Ooh, ouch.
Watch the fur. We're doing|somethin' nice for your daughter.
I bet if a cute little kitty popped out,|you'd say "How cute. "
But you're not. Listen,|you're not a couple of cute little kitties.
- We are.|- You're two disgusting rats...
- We're not.|... that ruined the cake.
You wanna get personal now? You know|what "rats" spelt backwards is? It's "star"!
- That's right. I'm a star, buddy.|- Is that right?
- Do you know what "ha" spells backwards?|- Um, no... Ah!
Exactly!
- Could it be?|- Yes, it is! Diapers!
And my favourite: Chocolate.
- Say "Maya".|- Maya.
- Maya.|- Maya.
- What are you doing?|- I think he's about to say something.
Bring me a bone.
And a large order of flies. Supersized.
You will be bring me ham,|luncheon meats, cold cuts.
- Lucky, out.|- Maya, can I talk to Charisse alone a second?
OK. Come on, boy.
Charisse, look, I'm sorry about tonight.
I'm thinking about cutting back a bit and|spending more time around here with you.
- Great. More animals'll be here.|- What if we don't stay?
We can go on a vacation to Europe,|the whole family. What about that?
- Are you serious?|- I'm dead serious. We can go to Paris, Rome.
We always talked about that.|Let's do it. What do you think?
Is this a bribe?
Yes, this is a bribe.
- It's working.|- Doc, one other thing I forgot to tell...
- Tomorrow!|- What?
- Tomorrow.|- Tomorrow.
Yeah. European vacation. So tomorrow.
Tomorrow we're going to Europe! Tomorrow.
So Doc, the raccoon and the possum took|a road trip to meet this mysterious beaver.
- Hey, Doc, nice wheels. Whaddaya call this?|- Oh, this is a Mustang.
- Yo, Doc, is there a car named after me?|- No, I don't think they make a Possum.
- Why not?|- Not a lot of cars named after rodents.
I wanna go over some ground rules|for when you meet the beaver.
Number one: No sudden movements.
Number two: Do not stare at his teeth.|Between you and me he has a slight overbite.
I personally think he needs braces,|but I'm not a dentist.
Numbers three through ten: You'll treat him|with the respect he deserves. Capeesh?
We're talkin' about a beaver, right?
- Hey, Tootie, how you doin'?|- Hey, Doctor, how are you?
Hey, back away from him, Jimmy.|Show some respect, you animals.
- The raccoon got the doctor.|- He says he's a miracle worker.
- Hello?|- Paulie, get the boss ready.
Doin' everythin' you say, Joey.|Doin' everythin' like you told me.
I'm gonna go get some acorns.
Yeah, Dr Dolittle, I presume.|Welcome to my den.
- Would you like a fish?|- Oh, no, thank you. I've eaten already.
Hey, the beaver offers you a fish,|you take the fish.
- Joey, shut up.|- Sorry, boss.
I've heard good things about you|from some of the Bay Area families.
From the Bay Area families? Really?|What are you guys, some kind of Mafia?
Mafia? No. We don't know|nothin' about no Mafia. Do we, boys?
- Nah, never heard of it.|- That's a myth.
I'm just a simple fisherman blessed with|many friends. Perhaps you'll be one of them.
- What do you guys want from me?|- Well, I'm losin' my territory.
- What, the other animals movin' in on you?|- Yeah. The human kind.
They're cuttin' down our homes,|bustin' up families.
- They're cuttin' down the whole forest.|- You're talking to the wrong person.
You need to contact one of those|nature groups like the Sierra Club or...
It has to be you, Doc. You're the only one|who knows how to speak human.
Yeah, we can't fight humans on our own.|They got guns, knives and pullout couches.
Sure, I got rabies, I could bite somebody.|But I can only do so much.
- You have no idea what I'm talking about.|- Sure I do. It's man against nature.
But with you on our side, I like the odds.
Me on your side?|I didn't say I was gonna help you.
I didn't say.
Doctor, before you say no, I would|like you to see what we're talkin' about.
It's gone.
Everything... gone.
- How do you save a forest?|- It's not gonna be easy, John.
I would assume the lumber|companies have a lot of clout.
But I do know, if there were a threatened|or an endangered species in the forest...
...there defnitely are laws that protect it.|- How am I gonna find out if there are?
Well... you could ask Eugene.
We found an endangered species of bear,|a female whose mother had been killed.
- She's the only Pacific Western bear there.|- That's good. One bear has to be protected.
Well, no. The lawyers for Potter's Logging|Company argued, since she's the only one...
...there's no chance for survival anyway.|There'd have to be a male, too.
- Pardon me.|- Get a male and let nature take its course.
Unfortunately, the only male Pacific Western|bear we could find was raised in captivity.
Never has a bear raised in captivity|been successfully reintroduced to the wild.
They've never had|the love doctor makin' the intros.
- Psst! Doctor.|- Excuse me a second.
Your man left the barn door open.
- Is somethin' wrong?|- Uh, the... uh...
Oh, jeez. Hope that|Bamm Bamm didn't see that.
- No, the giraffe is the one that was disgusted.|- I am so sorry.
- I know you're really disappointed.|- Disappointed?
About not going to Europe?
- Now, Dad, why would I be disappointed?|- I made you a promise. I'm gonna stick to it.
If you don't want me to do it, I'll understand.
I can say no and not feel guilty|for the rest of my life?
When do we leave?
As soon as we get a court order|to stop the cutting.
Who's gonna argue the case?
- Wh... Why you lookin' around?|- Me?
What "me"? Not me. You.
- No, no, no.|- Yes, yes, yes.
- No, no, no, no.|- Yes, yes, yes, yes.
- No.|- For the animals. For the animals.
- For the animals? I don't do animal law.|- Do it for the animals.
That's specieism.|You're a specieist. You're a specieist!
No, Your Honour. We're simply asking for an|injunction to have a chance to save a species.
Your Honour, this is|a delaying tactic/publicity stunt.
Saving a species? I have affidavits|signed by a range of experts...
...who all concur that|to take a bear raised in captivity...
...and reintroduce it into the wild|is, well, dangerous and irresponsible.
A bear raised by "circus folk" wouldn't know|how to feed itself or interact with real bears...
...let alone make it through its first winter.
No. It would certainly succumb to|Darwin's law of nature: Survival of the fittest.
- Actually...|- Well, yeah, but Darwin's never met my dad.
Young lady, that's inappropriate behaviour.|And just who is your father?
Sir, Your Honour, that's me.|I'm her father. Name's Dolittle.
- Dr Dolittle.|- Dr Dolittle?
Do you feel you could rehabilitate a tame|bear and mate it in the wild with a female?
Yes, I do, Your Honour.
In that case, I'll grant a one-month's delay|on the harvesting of Campbell's Grove.
- For one month, Dr Dolittle. That's it.|- Thank you, sir.
And, Doctor, if that bear should so much as|set one paw in a camp site or this town...
...I'll rescind this order immediately.
I understand completely. Thank you.
Thank you, Your Honour.
Dr Dolittle! Over here!
Dr Dolittle, you speak to|both domestic and wild animals.
Can the circus bear relate to a forest bear?
Well, I only know that|he's been living in captivity...
...so I'm sure he'll be really|happy to return to the wild.
So much for a family vacation.|But Doc fgured "How hard could this be?"
That was before he met Archie.
Ladies and gentlemen, he's the bear with|flair, the walkin' rug with an adorable mug.
Archie the bear!
# Get your motor runnin'
# Head out on the highway!
They love me. Go.
# Born to be wild
Archie! Oh! Ow!
Archie! And that's the show!
Phew! Big-boned gal, huh?
- Yeah, I guess so.|- You got any action shots?
No, but you'd be lucky|to wind up with somebody like her.
Oh, look, I have had|so many girlfriends, you know...
OK, look, I've never had a girlfriend, but bring|her by on Monday. That's when I'm dark, OK?
No, I can't bring her here.|You have to go to her.
- Whoa, whoa. Go to her? Where?|- She's in the forest.
Ooh, I don't play forests.|I'm strictly state-fair, small-arena-type bear.
- Archie, do you know what bear you are?|- Um, let's see. Yes.
- I'm a singer, dancer, three years' tap.|- No, Archie, you're an endangered species.
Hey, is that a threat, buddy?|Because my lawyer will be down...
It's not a threat. I'm saying you're|a rare bear. You're a Pacific Western bear.
- You know what that is?|- Yes.
I can play any kind of bear. I've got|grizzly, panda, polar. Check out my polar:
- "I am freezing! It is cold!"|- OK, I haven't made it clear enough.
- Your ancestors come from California.|- Yes, blah, blah...
At six months, they took|you from your mother...
...and taught you to wiggle your hips|to a recording of "Hound Dog".
No, I taught myself that.
I admit, I pander|cos I'm a pander bear! Get it?
Yes, funny stuff, Archie.
But what I'm proposing is I'd like to take|you back to where your ancestors roamed...
...and teach you to be a real bear.
Look, I like the bear I am, OK? I'm famous.
Have you been in the gift shop?|I have my own Beanie Baby.
You do this, you'll be the|most famous bear in all the world.
- Bigger than Pooh?|- Are you kiddin' me?
You pull this off, they'll|be sayin' "Winnie the Who?"
You've got yourself a bear.
And, in what must be one of|the most unusual stories of the year...
...Dr John Dolittle is trying|to rewrite the laws of nature...
...by attempting to reintroduce|a performing bear into the wild.
And, in doing so, he hopes to save|an entire forest from destruction.
- It's Darwin versus Dolittle.|- Oh, get over yourself.
Governor, I've got two|lumber mills waiting for that wood.
I understand, Joe, but it's complicated,|especially if that endangered bear survives.
- If I don't meet my quota, you'll be in danger!|- Now, now, JP. Not to worry.
That ridiculous bear|is bound to screw up at least once.
When he does,|you'll have yourself a new trophy.
And I've gotjust the place to put him.
So we all moved to the forest|and waited for Archie to arrive.
Now, while the family got settled, it was|time I started looking out for number one.
Ha-ha!
This looks like it's|as good a place as any here.
Ah, the simple pleasures of life.
Holy Lord. That wolf is a fox.
I hope I don't have dog breath|from licking my own... Never mind.
Oh, you like that? Yeah, that was me.
Plenty more where that came from,|know what I mean?
Grr to you, too.
What is that? Some kind of secret|wild-lady-dog code for "You like me"?
Yeah, I do some dancing.|Here's a move I call the backscratcher.
Pretty cool, huh?
Hey, hot lady dog, wait.|Where are you goin'? Call me.
And so the big day fnally came...
...and I had a feeling the fur was gonna fly.
You all know why we're here. We're about to|do something that's never been done before.
And everyone thinks that we can't pull this|off, and they got their trucks ready to roll.
We're gonna prove 'em wrong, right?
That's right. I want everybody|to put their claws together...
...and how about a big round of applause|for the bear who'll lead the way?
Let's hear it for Archie! Yeah!
Come on!
Are you ready to save the forest?
Well, put your paws up.|Put your paws up. Come on, now. Put...
Is this some kind ofjoke?
I wanna go serious on you for a second.|I know I've got my work cut out for me...
...but with your help, I know one thing.
Now. Go.
# I will survive|Yes, I will survive
# Oh, yes, I know how to love|I know I'll stay alive
# Yes, I will survive
# For as long as I know how to love|I know I'll stay alive
# Everybody! Dah, dah, dah...
- We're dead.|- Never more.
- This show's over.|- Let's go fool around.
- You got your work cut out for you, Doc.|- OK, I'm done. That's good. Turn it off.
You're not real.|You're Wayne Newton in a suit.
It's so dirty. Look at my paws.
Yes, it's the woods.|Its chief component is dirt.
- Wait. Doc, is that her? She's a babe.|- Yeah, that's her.
Oh, look at the way she moves.|Man, would I love to see her wet.
- I'm gonna introduce you. Wait here, OK?|- Yeah, good.
Hey, tell her I really dig her fat pouch,|but don't be crude.
- I'll try to work that in.|- OK. Good.
Wait. Hey. God.
Oh, are you coming over here?|I'm a little busy foraging.
- Hi. Hello. My name is John.|- I'm Ava.
Hi, Ava. That's a pretty name.|Nice to meet you.
- Hi.|- A quick question, Ava.
How would you like to meet|the man of your dreams?
- You're real cute, but I don't go interspecies.|- Oh, no, I'm not talking about me.
I shouldn't have said man.|I should've said bear.
What do you think of that|big hunk of bear over there?
Um, I don't think I see him.
- Oh, is he standing behind that dork?|- Oh, no, he is...
Let me explain what's going on. A logging|company's gonna tear down the whole forest.
And the only thing that can stop them is if|I can get two Pacific Western bears together.
You're a Pacific Western bear, so is he. If you|two made little Pacific Western bears, then...
- You see where I'm going?|- Yeah. Look, I don't talk to bear pimps.
Wait. At least let me call him over. Please?|Hey, Archie, come over here.
Hey, Johnny, there you are. Come on,|I thought we could go work out. Jeez.
- OK, Archie, you're on.|- What do I say to her?
- Get to know her. Tell her about yourself.|- Hi, I'm Archie.
I like moonlit walks on the beach, sharing|slop buckets with that special someone...
...and soulful sounds of the Backstreet Boys.
- You're very weird.|- Weird as in sexy?
No, just weird.
- Archie, let me take it from here. It was good.|- OK.
So, Ava... what do ya think of Archie?|Cute, huh?
- Don't make me eat you.|- Oh, stop that.
He's uncomfortable|around females at first, but...
That's not even really the point.|I need a real bear.
Someone who can hunt|and protect and provide for me.
- Oh, OK, I can understand that.|- Oh, and I'm already involved with someone.
Really? You have a boyfriend already?|A bearfriend.
- Are you in love with this bear?|- Love? My cousin married for love.
Next thing she knows he's two-timing her|with this hot grizzly in a cave up north.
- So you're not in love?|- No.
Let's make a deal. Don't make any decisions|for a month. I'll work with Archie.
In a month I'll turn that bear into a bear you|will be proud to have bear cubs with, OK?
Check it out! I've flipped for you!
Pine cone.
- Hey.|- Hey.
Mm.
- Mm, perfect night.|- Mm-hm.
Sittin' out here, breathin' this fresh air,|listenin' to the crickets chirp.
Yup.
You know what the crickets are saying?
I don't know what they're saying.|I don't speak to animals, you do.
Monkeys don't ask me for a forty ounce.|I don't say "Can I help you, little animal?"
- Whoa.|- I listen to music.
- Do you see me talking to the animals?|- Whoa. Slow it down.
I was just gonna tell you|crickets are nature's thermometers.
You can tell how cold it is|by how fast they chirp.
OK.
- It seems a little cold out here, doesn't it?|- Yeah. A little nippy.
Maybe I need to go get my vest. Yeah.
Yo. Fake Dr Dre and Snoop.
Hey, and get a tune-up, man. Get a tune-up.
- Yo, wassup, baby?|- Hey, Eric.
- Mmmm.|- Oh... Hey! Hey! You left your homey!
- Wassup, Dr D?|- I don't know. Maybe you should tell me.
Yo. I came to visit. Since y'all love me so|much, I was gonna stay a while, if it was cool.
Oh, no, no. Hell, no.|Charisse, I don't understand.
- What's not there to understand, Dad?|- Eric with bags.
- He's staying for a few nights. Mom said so.|- Oh, your mother said so.
Oh. OK, Eric, you're gonna be on the floor|in the living room in a sleeping bag...
...if you don't have a problem with that.|And, by the way, Eric, I'm watching you.
And notjust me. I got eyes|all around the woods. I talk to birds.
- Thanks, Dad.|- Yes. So watch your back.
- I hear you.|- Yeah, you feel me? OK. All right.
I'm watching... I'm watching you, Eric.|I'm watching your back!
Bears are opportunistic eaters,|fnding food wherever they can...
- Can we please see what else is on?|- No, we can't see what else is on.
You need to watch this, Archie, to learn how|to feed yourself and survive in the winter.
- What is he doing, diggin'?|- Never wondered why you have sharp claws?
Uh, no.
- Bears are excellent swimmers.|- Not this bear.
You're not gonna tell me you can't swim?
Wait, you haven't heard?|There's a new invention. It's called: The boat.
That's the last straw. We're getting up at the|crack of dawn and I'm teaching you to fish.
- How about noonish?|- Unbelievable.
So began the Bearathon, a training|mission so grisly, so un-bear-able, so hairy...
OK, enough.
- All right, Archie, this river's full of fish.|- Yup. So is Red Lobster.
Hey, don't look at me. Look at the water.
They're moving. Oh, one just|touched me. One just touched me!
Look, you big furry baby, put|your face in that water and grab a fish.
- No.|- Archie, do just like you saw on TV.
Put your face under the water and catch a|fish. You can do it. I'm here with you. Go on.
All right. I'll try it.
All right. 1, 2, 3.
- That's Archie!|- Wassup?
- Wassup?|- Wassup?
Oh, wassup?
OK. OK, get one.
Archie!
Hey! Archie!
Archie!
Tell me how smart you have to be to lift your|head out of the water when you can't breathe.
I saw a light. It was a bright light.|It was beautiful.
- OK, that's it. We're gonna toughen you up.|- What? What?
- We'll find something even you can catch.|- I saw my grandma.
- Go on, eat.|- Oh, I...
- Come on, eat!|- I don't eat the... I'm good, thanks.
- OK, am I close?|- Cold.
Use the Force.
- Colder? Warmer?|- Arctic.
- So, how's it going?|- Great. I'm not even gonna need three weeks.
Honey, he's already foraging grapes.
- Why's he walkin' away from 'em?|- He's not walkin' away. He's circling them.
- Why? Are they dangerous grapes?|- No, no. The grapes aren't dangerous, Eric.
- Seriously, where are the grapes?|- Don't worry. We're right on schedule.
Ah, gettin' dizzy. Oh!
I'm OK! The concrete broke my fall!
Definite bruise.
Explain this again. I'm supposed to climb into|a small, dark space and sleep for six months?
- That's what bears do. It's called hibernation.|- Sounds more like depression.
- Wait, how do I eat?|- You don't eat.
You eat a lot during the summer|and that lasts you throughout the winter.
- And the bathroom?|- There's no going to the bathroom.
What? You kiddin'?
I'm serious. What you do is|a week before you hibernate...
...you start eatin' things like dirt|and moss and hair and grass...
...and it forms a big plug in your, um...|It plugs up your... Well, you know.
- It blocks my butt?|- Oh, yeah, blocks it all up...
...with this big, nasty, hairy plug|of hair and grass. Big, nasty plug.
Whoa, whoa, wait.
So you want me to sleep for six months|with a big cork in my butt?
- Yeah, that's the idea of it.|- OK, goodbye.
- Hey, Archie. Archie, come back here!|- Nope, I'm gone. See ya.
- Headin' south?|- Archie, no one'll pick up a hitchhikin' bear.
I'll split the gas and|sit in the back with the kids.
- Come on, Archie. Stop it.|- Sorry, Doc. This isn't workin' out.
I almost drowned. Ava doesn't like me.
I'm sick and tired of your complaining.|Look up in this tree. What do you see, huh?
- Bird.|- Right. A bird in his home.
On the branch below is a squirrel in his home|and by the fence is a rabbit in his home.
All these animals are depending on you. You|can do this. Just listen to your inner bear.
Just trust him. He'll tell you|what to do. Trust him. Come on.
OK, but I gotta tell you my inner bear|has a problem with the butt-plug.
That's it. I'm gonna show you what happens|to animals that don't have a home.
Hello, Clarice.
- Doc, this isn't really necessary.|- It's time for a little tough love. Come on.
Looky here. What's the matter, boy?|Couldn't make it on the outside?
Hey, come on in, powder puff.
- Right. Go on in there.|- Wha... Why?
There's a couple of bears|that wanna meet you. Go.
I'll just sit over on that side of the cell.
I'm tired of this madness.
- I'll bite you!|- Yes. Dolittle. Oh, hi, honey.
Don't like to hunt or fish?
Know what I'd give to be|in the forest instead of in this dump?
- God. Doc!|- Oh, do I hear someone talkin'?
See, that's the problem with kids today -|no respect. Kid thinks he knows my life.
- I think he needs us to teach him a lesson.|- No, I just...
I'm gonna give him a bear hug.|Let me give you a bear hug, Tiny.
No, it's going well. I finally got this under...
...control.
- # Her name was Lola|- Yeah!
- # She was a show bear|- Let me call you back.
# With yellow feathers in her hair
- # And her dress cut down to there|- Where?
- # At the Copa, Copacabana...|- Doc, everyone in this place loves musicals.
I'm kidding. I get it. I'll try harder.
Meanwhile, while the cat's away the mice|will play. And by mice, I mean teenagers.
- Are your eyes still closed?|- Here they come.
- You did all this?|- OK, boys. Remember what the doc said?
If he gets fresh, we let him have it. Capeesh?
- I got wings, legs, tacos, whatever.|- Taco? Did somebody say "taco"?
No, no, blend in, blend in.|You're gonna blow our cover.
Charisse, there's somethin' I've been|meanin' to do since we got out here.
Really? What's that?
This.
Now!
He French-kissed me! Brragh! Pah!
Now that worked out nicely.|The drinks are on me, Jenny.
Meanwhile the doctor gave|Archie and me some lessons of our own.
Leave a little for me. Technically it's my...
- Just a thought.|- Hey, what's goin' on here?
I've been so blessed, I feel|I should give back to the hot lady dog.
You don't have to put up with that.|Hey, get outta here. Yah! Go! Yah!
- That is one hot fox!|- What's the matter with you two?
Every female looks for the strongest male.
- But what about personality?|- I'm gonna die a virgin.
Shut up and listen. The strongest male|is called the alpha male. He's the big boss.
He wants everybody to know it. You|have to be him. The boss of all the males.
The alpha male. You have to learn|how to walk like the alpha male.
- Walk the walk.|- Walk the walk.
- Right. Talk the alpha male talk.|- I'm still on the walk.
It's about power and respect.
It's about pure, unchecked, uncompromised|testosterone-driven male power!
- John, I asked you to line the garbage pails.|- You line 'em your self, woman!
- What?|- Sorry, honey. I was talkin' to the animals.
- I got riled up. I was teaching 'em something.|- Stop messing with them. Get us some food.
I'm on my way. Gonna get the food, honey.
- Go.|- On my way.
- Way to go, alpha male. Talk the talk.|- Shut up!
- Who are you telling to shut up?|- I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to them.
I'm going to get the food.
- You sure you don't want another one?|- No, I'm fine.
OK.
I got a question. Let's say you spend|your whole life in show business...
What's gonna be your big finish?|Every act has one.
Big finish? Check it out:|San Francisco Bee...
..."The best thing about|Archie's act is when it's finished. "
No, I mean in life.|Who you gonna share your success with?
Your hopes, dreams, fears and failures?
Everything I do wouldn't mean anything, if|I didn't have my wife and kids to go home to.
Sometimes I do get very lonely.|I've never been in love.
OK, this is your big chance.|I think Ava really likes you.
Did she say something? What did she say?
You gotta learn to read|between the lines sometimes.
- She loves me? I knew it!|- Let's not get carried away. All right, Archie?
I feel like I'm about to burst.|So this is what love feels like, right? Oh.
Or maybe it's the marshmallows.
It's the marshmallows|cos you ate a whole bag of 'em.
Doc, tomorrow you're|gonna see a brand-new bear.
Archie, I think I'm gonna call it a night.
Don't go. It's a little scary out here for me.|Just... can you stay here till I fall asleep?
I'll wait till you fall asleep, then I'm leaving.
- Hey, Doc?|- Yes.
Can you leave that light on?
OK. Light stays on.
I'll keep these here, OK?
- Night, Archie.|- Night, Doc.
If you want a marshmallow,|you just gotta ask me, OK?
Look out, Ava! There's a new Archie in town!
Oh, yeah, that feels good!
Feel it comin'!
Feel the burn!
Feel the wind!
Feel the muscle cramp.
Ow. Agh!
- Ow.|- Come on, Archie. Don't quit. Let's go.
I think I pulled my butt muscle.|Ouch, it stings. My butt stings.
Could you rub my butt?|Could you rub it, please?
Rub my butt. Back here,|rub my butt. Please, rub my butt.
Doc fnally realised he was never gonna make|Archie fast or strong enough to impress Ava.
But maybe... maybe|he could make him sweet enough.
- Wow. How could anybody be so beautiful?|- Why not go down there and tell her that?
I don't know... Oh, my... What is that?
That's Sonny. That's her little|bear friend. She told me about him.
- But he's a Kodiak bear.|- Don't get discouraged. You'll win her over.
The key to winning a woman over|is you just figure out what she likes.
- Take my wife...|- Please!
- Don't. This is serious.|- I'm sorry.
- My wife, she likes to be surprised.|- Like jumping out the bushes, screaming?
No, nothing like that. They like romance.
Do something that says "I'm thinking about|you all the time. You're always on my mind. "
Wow, that's really nice.|You do stuff like that all the time?
I used to.
But lately I've been all caught up in this,|so I guess I'm a little outta practice.
Candles, fruit, cheese, wine. Perfect.
- What are you doing?|- Oh, hey, honey.
I'll tell you what I was doing.|It's about you tonight, baby.
Yes. I sent the children off to the movies|and the bear is camping in the woods.
- We're all alone.|- Oh, yes. All alone.
- One second.|- No, you cannot see me.
I am at one with the couch. I am blended|perfectly, interwoven into every fibre. I...
- Oops. I can give you pointers.|- Found him. No more intrusions.
Come on, it ain't no fun|if the homies can't see nothin'.
Where were we?
You were thinking a few candles and|some wine would make up for ignoring me.
I'm sensing resistance.|I took that into consideration.
I know something you can't resist.
- Is this our wedding song?|- That's not fair.
The first thing you danced to as Mrs Dolittle.
- The show is about to start.|- What show?
It is! It truly is.
# Truly
# I'm truly in love with Mrs Dolittle
# Truly in love with you, girl
Oh, he is so good.
Let me tell you. He scratched my belly|the other day. My leg went crazy.
- Hey, what's goin' on?|- Apparently, he's truly, truly in love with her.
Hey, Doc, give her some garbage.|Chicks like garbage.
How about planting|a little sugar on Dr D's lips, huh?
- I think I can do that.|- Oh, really?
- Mm-hm.|- Go, Doctor! Go, Doctor! Oh!
- Ow!|- He broke her.
Get outta here! All of you!
- This ain't no peepshow!|- But this is helpful. I'm learnin' a lot.
- Truly.|- Get out. We'll discuss it tomorrow.
- Oh-oh. Busted.|- You're gonna discuss what tomorrow?
Well, I was... I was...
Well, baby, why don't we just|pick it up where we left off?
- Baby.|- Hm?
Why don't you sleep on the couch?
Wait, what did she say, Doc?
She said she loves me so much|I get to sleep on the couch.
You're the man.
Yes, I'm the man.
I'm the man on the couch.
Psst! Hey, Doc. Homeo's on the move.|His hormones are raging.
There he goes.
Hold it.
I was only goin' to the bathroom.
You can hold it. I know that trick.
- Hey, hey, baby.|- Hi. What's wrong with your voice?
You're lookin' mighty fine.
So why don't you plant some of that sugar|over here on my... on Archie the...
# Truly
Oh, no.
Is that our song?
Whoa! Argh!
Ow! Hard ground! Back.
You should maybe learn|how to climb trees, truly!
That's a bruise.
- Hey, come on out of there, Archie.|- Never.
- I'm sure it wasn't that bad.|- It was the most humiliating thing I've done!
And I once rode a unicycle|in a tutu. A tutu! God!
- We can fix this. We just have to work harder.|- No, I'm just gonna stay here and hibernate.
- Stay. We'll make our own bear suit.|- No, Archie's fine.
Good, cos we were wondering if every animal|in the forest could stay with you next week.
All right, Archie, I'm not playin' any more.|Come out now, you big coward!
Uh, excuse me,|who are you calling a coward?
You. I'm calling you a coward.|You're a big coward for quitting!
- It's hard.|- You know what hard is?
My wife and daughter are mad at me...
...and I'm spending my vacation with|a pizza boy who says "Yo, Dr D, wassup?"
Now I'm listening to a big, furry baby crying,|who wants to quit cos it's too hard.
- Ava laughed at me.|- Oh, boohoo. "Ava laughed at me. "
I love her and I need her|and she laughed at me!
You don't deserve Ava. Why should|Ava have to be with a coward like you?
Hey, don't poke the bear, buddy.
I didn't poke a bear. If I did, it'd be maulin'|me. I don't know what I poked, but not a bear!
- Hey, I'm warnin' you.|- And I'm pokin' you.
- Stop it.|- Poke, poke, poke!
All right, that's it!
Argh! Umph!
Archie, it hurt.
Hey, that felt good. Bear-like.
Archie, you're beyond my help.|Take your back to the circus.
A bear?
I'm a bear!
I'm the alpha bear!
Grr! Grr!
Bears say "Grr", right?
- What happened to you?|- Archie!
I... you know...
Potter called. He wants to make a deal.
Just listen to what he has to say.
- It's for you, madame.|- Thanks.
- So, does Sonny bring you fish?|- No, not a fish. Usually about a hundred.
A hundred? Wait. No.|He can't carry that many.
OK, but does Sonny tell you that you have|the most beautiful eyes he's ever seen?
Does he promise to fill your life|with love, poetry, laughs?
No.
No. Mostly he just asks me|when I think I'll be in heat.
- Prince Charming, huh?|- Yeah.
So when is that?
- Do you wanna go for a walk?|- With you or alone?
- With me.|- OK!
This isn't a walk. We're running.|Why do we always have to run?
# I got you now|and I just wanna show you how to play
# Goose bumps on your body guide the way
# I wanna go all night|Ain't no stoppin' till the breakin' of the dawn
# I wanna go inside every corner|Girl, you really turn me on
# I wanna go knock knock|Our bodies to the beat
# And when the morning comes|we'll let the sun shine...
Yup, there was love in the air.
Be the man. Be the man.
Be... the... man.
Hey, now you listen to me.|Yeah, that's right. You're in my house now.
Yeah, my house.
Also my house. All these are my houses.
Hey, you're a lucky girl, you know that?|You're the lucky one, not me. You. Yeah.
You wanna go out with me tonight?
- Hey, what do you think you're doing?|- Who, me? No, I'm not doing anything.
I'm just, you know, assuming the position.
Hey, you marked my tree.
Oh, no, I would never do that.|I would never mark your tree.
I don't even know what those words mean. I|drank a lot of water. It goes right through me.
- Come on, it smells like lemonade.|- Oh, yeah. Oh, I see your point.
Yours is very, very strong. It's like ammonia.
I'm actually getting dizzy,|to tell you the truth.
Come on, let's beat it. We're leaving.
You two are going? Well, have fun.|You make a very handsome couple.
God, I hate myself.
- Wow.|- Yeah.
- Bears have died trying to reach that hive.|- Well, if you want it, you got it.
- Don't even think about it. That's not funny.|- No, I'm gonna get it for you.
- Archie, I'm serious. It's too dangerous.|- OK.
- Promise me.|- OK.
- I like you, Ava.|- I like you too, Archie.
- Oh, what are you girls doin' over here?|- Sonny, don't.
- Beat it, circus boy.|- Sonny.
- Oh, you keep your yap shut.|- Your charm is matched only by your odour.
- And what does that mean?|- Just that you're a malodorous ignoramus.
What is he sayin'? I'm confused.|I don't like bein' confused.
- Yeah, he really doesn't.|- You'd think he'd get used to it, huh?
- Let's go, Ava. Tryin' to confuse me.|- Ava, don't go.
You can do better than me, but|don't do worse. I thought you liked me.
Of course I do, but you'll always be|a city bear, and I need more than that.
City bear. Great.
- Shall we put all our cards on the table?|- Of course.
This bear you brought up here has as much|likelihood of making little babies as Riley.
Ain't gonna happen.
On the other hand, thanks to you, I'm not|exactly drowning in favourable publicity.
So here's my offer.
I'll set aside ten acres, turn it into a sanctuary.|You can bring all your animal buddies there.
Plus, you'll be saving face. You won't have|to admit you failed. You don't look like a fool.
- Ten acres is ridiculous.|- That's the offer!
The deadline is Wednesday at 12 noon.
At 12.01 we'll be sending in every logger,|every piece of logging equipment we've got.
By Friday there won't be a tree standing.
- I need to run this by my wife.|- Excellent idea. There's a payphone out back.
Excuse me.
Calling the wife. Always a sign of weakness.
Hey, Johnny.
- What are you doing here?|- Doc, I know what to do. I got my big finish.
- Look, come in here, quick.|- All right.
Hey, I don't think I'm allowed in here.
OK, listen. I gotta tell you, this thing is over.|I'm sorry I dragged you into this.
I might have to get you an audition in Vegas|cos these guys offered me a deal.
No, no, the best you can do is not give|up on me, Doc. Come on, you told me!
- "Listen to your inner bear. " Remember?|- I don't know, Archie.
Look, I know how I can win Ava!
OK. I know I'm nuts or something,|but I'll give you one more chance.
- Yes! Yes!|- OK, let me get over there.
- Oh-oh. Oh-oh.|- "Oh-oh" what? What's the problem?
- Ice cream is acting up.|- What ice cream?
I got depressed after Sonny and Ava|and I went on a bender.
By the second gallon I realised I love Ava and|this ice cream called "Cherry Garcia".
- Hey, don't you dare throw up on me.|- Oh! That's not where it's gonna come out.
- Wait! You gotta do that, sit on the toilet.|- I can't hold it.
- You gotta lift the lid up first.|- This is not gonna be big enough. Oh, boy!
You'll be fine. Just sit there. I'm gonna|keep guard outside. Just take care.
Hey. Be with you in a second.|I'm taking care of business.
- Who you talking to in there?|- I'm talking to myself.
- Sometimes you gotta coax it down.|- Right.
Give my sphincter a little pep talk.|Excuse me. Come on down, you.
- Oh, my God!|- I gotta stay. Let me get the window open.
- Don't do nothing till I get it open.|- Oh-oh.
The window only opens a bit.|That's not enough.
Oh, hey! You're doin' it, aren't you?
- There she goes! Whoo!|- It's worse than I imagined it would be.
- Whoo!|- Archie! Oh!
Oh! Oh! Oh, Archie!
You just had ice cream?|That's notjust ice cream.
- Oh, Archie!|- It ain't that bad. Come on. Whoo!
Gentlemen, no deal.
Thanks for your time.
Hm?
Was that me?
- Can you hear me, Pepito?|- Stop staring. You're giving me a complex.
- I'm trying to blend.|- If you can hear me, match the table colour.
- What are you doing?|- I think he understands me.
If he understood me, I'd tell him|how sick I am of these animals.
That really hurt.
If you understood me, I'd tell you to cure your|dandruff flakes. It's like Christmas in July.
- I hate this place.|- So young, so angry. That rap music.
- Hey.|- Hey.
So, how'd it go?
- Well, I told Potter no deal.|- I thought it wasn't working with Archie.
Archie's got an idea. He thinks he can win|Ava over, so I'm gonna see this through.
So that means we're stuck here? Oh.
- Charisse!|- Hey, Charisse. Hey!
Charisse! It's a long walk back to the city.
- We're not getting on, are we?|- I wanna go home.
I wanna go home too, but there's|something else that's bothering you.
I'm not saying it's your fault. Maybe it's mine,|maybe it's a phase you're going through.
Your mother thinks you got|a problem you're not telling us.
- No.|- You sure? There's nothin' bothering you?
- I'm sure.|- Charisse.
- I'm fine, Dad.|- OK. I'm not saying you do have a problem...
...but if you do, we work things out, right?|- Right.
- You cool?|- Cool.
All right.
- Your mother was a little worried and I was...|- Tell her I'm fine.
OK. OK.
- Dad?|- Yes! Yes!
I knew it. I knew something was|bothering you. Come on, talk to me. Really.
Daddy to daughter. Break it down.|You can cry, we can cry together if that's...
- What is it?|- Nothing.
Stop.
Must be the mountains|messing me up cos... I'm fine.
- You sure you're all right?|- Mm-hm.
She's all right.
You have your little space.|I'll be in the house.
- All right.|- OK.
Talking time's done.|It's time to be bold for Ava.
He's goin' after the hive!|He's goin' after the hive!
- Who?|- Archie.
- Who?|- Archie, you idiot. Jeez.
Boy, this cliff's a lot higher than I remember.
Bye-bye, species.
This is your big plan, huh?|Archie, you get back here! Come back in!
- No way, Doc. I'm gonna do this or die tryin'.|- That bear is one bad mother.
- Archie, what are you doing?|- Archie, get back right now. Stop playing!
I don't think I'm gonna win Ava|by eating a bunch of worms.
I'll never be more woodsy than Sonny. I have|to show her how much she means to me.
And if you fall, it'll prove|you're stupid and dead, Archie!
What's goin' on around here?|Oh, the circus boy's got a new trick.
- Quiet, Sonny.|- OK, I got it, I got it.
That log ain't gonna hold him.|And I know logs.
- OK. Whoa!|- Don't move, Archie! Don't move!
- Careful.|- I'll buy you the honey.
- Hey, whoa, whoa!|- Break. Break.
- This was not a good idea.|- Archie, get down.
I'm fine.
Bees!
- Hold still. I'll try to talk to 'em.|- They're stinging!
Don't sting. Guys, uh... zzzz!|Bzzz, bzzz, bzzz.
I can't see! They're stinging. Get away.
- Attack!|- No, no, hey, stop! Argh!
- Defend the hive!|- Oh! Hey, Archie!
- Get the little guy.|- Ah.
- Protect the hive!|- Attack! Banzai!
Archie! Archie! Hey! Hey!
- Archie!|- Archie, get back in here!
- Jump, circus boy.|- Go suck a salmon.
Ava, I got it for you!
- Good job, Archie. Way to go, Archie.|- Yeah! You did it.
- Ooh, ooh, ooh!|- Yeah!
That kid's got moxie! I love him.
OK. OK. What's the matter with you, huh?
What did you do something|like that for? Are you crazy?
I could have got that hive if I wanted it.|Come on, Ava, 'fore I get mad.
Sonny, we're not workin' out, so take a hike.
- Honey?|- Yeah, babe. What's up?
- No, I meant would you like more honey?|- Oh, no. I'm good.
So, ready to talk about|preserving the species?
We could talk. Or you could count|to a hundred and come and get me.
OK. Counting. Great
Um, 1, 2...
1, 2, 3...
- That's impressive. He's really counting.|- Come on, focus, focus. Uh, 1...
- Maybe I should stay in the open.|- 1, 2, 10, G, H, P.
- Green, orange, fish...|- Pace yourself. Not so fast.
1, 2, 3, 10, uh, fiveteen.|OK! One hundred!
Ow!
What's happenin' now?
- Daddy.|- Hey.
Daddy's back.
What is it? What happened?
It's Archie.
OK, folks, let's move it back now.|We got a wild animal comin' through.
Wild animal comin' through. I know you've|all seen the show When Animals Attack.
Have you seen when animals|wake up and attack?
Now, there's nothing more dangerous|than a half-sedated, half-unsedated bear.
- They have big, sharp teeth and claws...|- Excuse me, I'm Dr Dolittle. What happened?
He broke down the back door,|then we found him ransacking the kitchen.
- No.|- Yeah. Sorry, Dr Dolittle. I was rootin' for ya.
All right, let's move it out.|Show's over. Let's go!
- Hey, Archie, it's me. What happened?|- Hey, I was so close, Doc.
It came out of nowhere.|Are you ready to save the forest? Yeah...
The good news is we're|setting aside ten acres of forest.
We're calling it the Dr Dolittle Wildlife|Sanctuary. We're very pleased about that.
- Speak of the devil.|- Can we speak to you?
- You think you've won, but you haven't.|- Fine, we'll level your forest and call it a tie.
Thanks very much, folks.|That's it for today. Thank you.
- Did anybody see what happened?|- Yeah.
We got one problem.|He's a friggin' weasel.
- Oh, really? What did he do?|- No, I mean he's an actual friggin' weasel.
- Hey, weasel, the doctor's here.|- OK, you know what? That's Mr Weasel.
- Did you see what happened to the bear?|- Oh, da scary bear. Did I see what happened?
- Did you see anything or not?|- You give me that wristwatch of yours...
...and I'll tell you.
- You're such a weasel.|- Oh, thank you.
- Potter's men set Archie up. I got a witness.|- An animal?
- You can't offer them to evidence.|- Got any better ideas?
I'll stall for time.|We'll get a private investigator.
Those trucks are ready.|They're gonna ship Archie off to a zoo.
John, if you go on the witness stand,|Riley is gonna tear you to shreds.
- What do I have to lose?|- Your reputation.
I don't care. I'm not giving up on those|animals, not without a fight. Excuse me.
Your Honour, we admit it was a setback, but|we need another week to rehabilitate the bear.
May I suggest the counsel would like to|admit the animal into the Betty Ford Clinic.
Or the Yogi Bear Clinic!
What if I could prove|the entire thing was a setup?
That would be a very serious allegation.
Do you intend to present evidence?
We have an eyewitness.
Your Honour, can I address|the court for a minute?
- Go ahead.|- Sir, we have an eyewitness who'll testify...
...that they heard a gunshot, then they saw a|truck backing up to where the shot was fired.
Is that witness here in the courtroom?
No, not in the courtroom with us...
...because he's...
He's a weasel.
Order!
Your Honour, I know this is unreasonable...
...but I can talk to animals and one of them|came forward with this information, sir.
Your Honour, if it pleases the court, I have|no problem allowing Dr Dolittle or counsel...
...the opportunity to question the eyewitness.
I would just ask for a brief recess|so that I have opportunity to get a camera.
- I'd like a shot of the animal being sworn in!|- That's enough!
And certainly we could provide|animal protection programmes.
That's enough. Dr Dolittle, I will|not let you make a mockery of my courtroom.
The deadline has passed.|Motion to extend denied!
That's a shame. You hate to see it!
Uh, Dr Dolittle, can you tell us|what the weasel said?
Hey! Hey, Doc, OK. Come to get me out?
- Um, sort of.|- Sort of? What do you mean "sort of"?
I couldn't prove your story, Archie, so they...
What? They... they what?
They think you're too|dangerous to be set free, so...
Yeah? What?
- They sold you to a Mexican circus.|- Ai, Chihuahua.
Archie, I am... I'm so sorry.
- For what?|- For everything.
Dragging you out here,|putting you through all this...
...giving you hope. I feel like I ruined your life.
Ruined my life? Doc, you gave me a life.
You're the one who taught me about love,|and no one can ever take that away from me.
Hey, Charisse.
- What are you doing down here?|- Mom's motion for an appeal was denied.
Well, we knew it was a long shot anyway.
- At least you'll be back in show business.|- Yeah, that's not what I want any more.
- I just want Ava.|- I know you want Ava.
Well, maybe I wasn't meant to be loved.
- Everybody is meant to be loved.|- That's right. Everybody is meant...
Charisse.
Oh, my God.
- Charisse, since when?|- A couple of weeks now.
At first it was kind of fuzzy. But, uh...
...now it's really clear.
- This is what you've been keeping from us?|- Dad, I didn't wanna become a freak.
Oh, no, you're not gonna|become a freak. Not at all.
When it happened to me I got scared, too.|You're looking at it the wrong way.
- This is a good thing.|- How?
Look at all the good|that's come out of it already.
- What good?|- Look at us like this. How about this, huh?
Hey, guys, now I know|what I've been missing - a family.
I guess that's something I'll never have.
Dad, you gotta help him.|Isn't there something that we can do?
And it's notjust him. I mean, it's all|the animals. There's so many of 'em.
Yeah, there are so many of them.
- You guys have given up, haven't you?|- Hey, what am I gonna do?
I'm six years old.|I'm not a young beaver no more.
Besides, we've been livin' here how long?
About 100 years we've been|shakin' down this forest.
So we had a good run.
I tried to do this myself, but I can't. So if you|wanna save your homes, you gotta help me.
And whether or not you believe it,|you have untapped power.
When people talk about the best,|it's always an animal expression.
You got a heart like a lion|or you're as strong as an ox.
Eyes like an eagle or|he can move swift like a gazelle.
- Or you stink like a skunk.|- What?
Sorry, man. I'm just making my point.|What I'm trying to say is we can do this.
We can do it! Don't give up without a fight.
Let the word go out from Sicily to SeaWorld:|The trucks don't move. Capeesh?
- The beaver's right!|- Yeah! All right!
Yeah!
Hey, kids, I've got to ask you to move.
- No.|- No?
Listen, don't start with me.
Everybody, take your positions.
Hasta la vista, baby.
Roll 'em up!
I ain't never seen nothing like this before.
- None of them have any milk.|- What?
All of 'em are dry.
- What's wrong, Annabelle?|- Strike. Strike.
Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike!
- Here's your eggs! You want 'em scrambled?|- Strike! Strike! Strike!
OK, let's go get the Frisbee.|Come on, go get it.
Strike. Strike. Strike.
Oh, come on! Give me that leash!
Whoa! Whoa!
Hey, Archie, all the animals are working|together. You'll be out of here in no time.
It's ridiculous. Animals can't organise.
- You may wanna take a look at this, then.|- All over the world animals have organised.
They're striking in Paris, Texas.|In Paris, France.
In Brooklyn, in Mexico and in Canada.
I'm sure I'm gonna regret this,|but maybe you should talk with Dolittle.
And what? Give in to a bunch|of beasts and lower life forms?
I took on the Democrats!|I can take on a bunch of animals!
- Charge!|- Oh, no!
Agh!
- Go on!|- Watch it.
- Go on, beat it.|- Retreat!
Go on!
Organised.
We have two bogeys|bearing alpha, tango, niner.
Locked on target, squad leader.
- D'you hear something?|- Commence bombing.
- Roger that, sir.|- Well done, men. I got your wing, Iceman.
Party ain't over yet. I want the short one.
Sir?
- Don't make any sudden moves.|- Gotcha.
- Aaargh!|- Attack! Lock and unload!
Poops away. Firing number two.
Let's return to base and reload.
- Sir, you've locked the...|- What?
You've locked the door, sir!|You might wanna...
Sir!
- I think you should run.|- I'm an attorney. I'm not with him.
- Run!|- There he is again. Get the little guy.
Banzai! Banzai!
Not the face!
No, please. No, no. I'm sure|we can work something out.
I'm reaching for my phone.|I'm gonna call Dr Dolittle.
No sudden movements|or I'm gonna bite you in the cannolis.
Hello. The number for|Dr John Dolittle, please?
Not Stuart Little. Dolittle.
Dolittle.
- Oh, Mr Potter. How are you, sir?|- I could be better. I'm here with your friends.
I know you can't believe|animals are organised.
Well, you know, I don't know|what to think any more.
I will be more than happy to set up|a meeting between you and these animals...
...to work out your problems.|- What?
It's the only way you can save face and get|out of this thing without looking like an idiot.
OK, OK, look, anything. Just call 'em off.
OK, all right, listen.|Put the raccoon on the phone.
- He wants to speak to you. Make it short.|- Hello. Yeah.
No, I got it under control.|We'll call yous back.
First off, I am here only as a mediator and|the negotiations will be between Mr Potter...
...and the representatives of the|United Animals of the Forest Local 534.
Yeah, let's come to order.
- This is my new proposal.|- All right.
What's the stipulations?|What territory we lookin' at?
It's only 12 acres here. It's 12 acres.
- I got your 12 acres right here, pal!|- Hey, they like it.
I'll give you something you like. Like this.
I think that's a "No".
Or "Hell, no" maybe.
Meanwhile the strike kept growing.|Even the pros were getting in on the act.
The last runners left to load now|for the biggest spectacle of the year.
It's Derby time. Last horse is in,|gates closed. And away they go!
Hell, no, we won't go!|Hell, no, we won't go!
- Hell, no, we won't go!|- Run your own stupid race.
- You try running a mile.|- Don't think about reaching for that whip.
Ladies and gentlemen, Shamu!
This is Shamu.
Nah, I don't feel like jumpin'|through hoops today. You guys?
No, no, not me. Not today.|I just ate. Uh-uh.
Mr Potter, I hope we have a deal now.
- All right, Doc!|- Yeah. Taught him everything he knows.
Vive le bear! Vive le Archie!|Vive le docteur!
- Come on, gimme a bear hug.|- Oh, no. Absolutely not, Archie.
You're not leavin' here|until you get a bear hug.
- All right, just a little one.|- Come on!
All right, that's it. All right, Archie.
Archie! You're crushing my spine.
Archie!
Bye-bye. Drive safe now. Buckle up.
- Hey, Archie, you in there?|- What?
- Hey, Doc.|- Hey, man, I just stopped by to say so long.
- Oh, thanks for everything.|- You are quite welcome.
Archie, I'm ready.
She's in heat. Excuse me, Doc.|Gotta go save the species!
Oh. Go do your thing, Archie.
Yeah, Archie.
Archie!
Oh, Archie.
It was quite a summer.
Hey, Doc.
- Hey, Lucky, what are you doing?|- What am I doing?
Hm. Let me phrase it this way.
You too, huh?
And Charisse and the doc|were closer than ever.
Oh, come on. Cheer up, Pepito.|You'll get it eventually.
No, I won't. I will never blend in.|I have a broken blender.
You will blend in, trust me. You will blend in.
How? How will Pepito|ever blend in? Pepito sucks.
Look at me! I'm blending in!
- I'm invisible!|- That's right. You're invisible.
- Greatjob, honey.|- Did you ever doubt me?
The blendmaster is back!|I am king of the Third World!
Hey, can we do the whole house like this?|It's very feng shui.
But the best news of all|came the following spring.
Kids, come on. Hey.
Woo! Woo! Over here, kids.|Woo-woo, over here.
OK. Now, it's step, step, turn, kick, step.
Papa, I thought it was|step, kick, turn, step, step.
Come on, kids. We open in six weeks.
- I thought you retired.|- Oh! I did, honey. We're just playin'.
OK, now, from the chorus. 5, 6, 7.
# I will survive|I will survive
# For as long as I know how to love|I know I'll stay alive
# I've got all my life to live|I've got all my love to give
# And I'll survive
# I will survive
# Hey, yeah
Hey, come on. This is|the most boring party I've been to.
You guys are so stiff, so plastic.|Come on, let's move. Let's conga.
Hey, baby, are those real?|Let's get this party started. Let's go.
Ooi, ooi, party over here, party over there.
Raise the roof. The roof is on fire.
Can you see me now?|I bet you can't. I'm invisible.
- Can you see me?|- Of course. I see both of you.
# There's a place in France|where the naked monkeys dance
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