WikiViews What If's: What if Disney bought Nintendo?

Noah is shown choking an unknown person. We then cut to a bunch of flashing clips of Disney-related properties. Komm, süßer Tod is playing in the background.
*Noah: (VO) No one understands me.
*???: (VO) You never understood anything.
*Noah: (VO) I thought this was supposed to be a world without pain, and without uncertainty.
*???: (VO) That's because you thought that everyone else felt the same as you do.
*Noah: (VO) Y-you betrayed me! YOU BETRAYED MY FEELINGS!
*???: (VO) You misunderstood from the very beginning. You just believed what you wanted to believe.
*Noah: (VO) Nobody wants me, so they can all just die.
*???: (VO) Then what is your hand for?
*Noah: (VO) Nobody cares whether or not I exist, and nothing ever changes... so they can all just die.
*???: (VO) Then tell me... what is your heart for?
*Noah: (VO) It would be better if I never existed... I should just die too.
*???: (VO) Then why are you here?
*Noah: (VO) Is it okay for me to be here?
Silence. Noah screams. We then reveal Mickey Mouse is the one manipulating him.
*Dillon: Huh?
Noah ends up back in the living room.
*Noah: What the FUCK happened?
*Dillon: IDK. I just saw a weird serious thingy.
*Noah: It was probably Mickey Mouse.
*Dillon: (sarcastically) Sure, and I'm haunted by SpongeBob.
Mickey Mouse dressed as Palpatine appears.
* Mickey Mouse: H-HEY EVERYBODY! Fuck you!
* Noah: Told ya.
*Dillon: (to the audience) And this is why I like video games more.
*Noah: Mickey, why the fuck-
*Mickey Mouse: It's EMPEROR Mickey!
He shoots Noah with lightning.
* Noah: What the FUCK was that for?
* Mickey Mouse: The reason why you've received that hot diggity horrifying message is because I have just bought Nintendo! H-ha! Now Xenovengers kill them!
* Dillon: Xenovengers?
* Mickey: Xenomorph Avengers.
* Noah: Oh, shit!
* Mickey Mouse: Oh well, time to make those Super Mickey Bros. cartoons! H-ha!
Mickey goes down a warp pipe. Noah is left in shock.
* Noah: No... that's not true... that's impossible! NO!!!!!
Dillon then imagines if Warner Bros. bought Sega with Sonic, Joker and Kazuma Kiryu inside Wily Wonka's Chocolate Factory.
*Sonic: Still better than the Bottomless Taz.
We cut to clips of random Nintendo games.
* Noah: (VO) So Disney bought Nintendo... yay. Now there's gonna be some giant cinematic universe with Super Smash Bros. or whatever.
* Dillon: Or a shitty live action film made by Kenneth Branagh.
The 20th Century Studios fanfare plays for laughs.
* Noah: So now Disney has the power to ruin Mario, and Legend of Zelda, and Metroid, (overlapping layers of audio) and Pokemon, and Star Fox, and Fire Emblem, and Animal Crossing, and F-Zero, and Earthbound, and Splatoon, and Kid Icarus, and Kirby, and Game & Watch, and Punch-Out, and Xenoblade, and Donkey Kong, and Yoshi, and Brain Age, and Pikmin, and Mario Kart, and Mario Party, and Mario Tennis, and Mario Super Sluggers- (overlapping audio stops) hey, remember Mario Super Sluggers? That... that was a thing.
* Dillon: Everybody forgets Code Name S.T.E.A.M...
* Noah: Now keep in mind, Disney fucking around with Nintendo properties is nothing new. In 1993, Hollywood Pictures, a division of Disney, released the shitty Super Mario Bros. movie, and Nintendo has been pretty strict about their game adaptations from that point. It's a fucking miracle Pokemon: Detective Pikachu was a tolerable enough experience. Anyways, more on context, during the late 90s Disney owned the animation company DiC Entertainment through a limited partnership, which had also created cartoons based on Super Mario Bros. and The Legend of Zelda. Additionally, Miramax, another former division of Disney (notice a pattern here?) distributed several of the Pokemon anime films, which is quite interesting because at the time the Pokemon anime's home seemed to be at Kid's WB.
* Dillon: Let's also remember that Disney fucked up Prince of Persia as well.
* Noah: Well, that's not Nintendo.
* Dillon: But it’s still a video game movie that Disney fucked up.
* Noah: True.