Last Tap Dance in Springfield/Quotes

:Vicki Valentine: You've just got to turn that frown upside-down! (Lisa smiles) That's a smile, not an upside-down frown! Work on that, too!
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:Milhouse: The mall?
:Bart: Yeah, it's just like my dad always says:
:Homer: (in a thought balloon) For an evening or a week, there's no place like the mall. Food, fun and fashion, the mall has it all!
:(Bart runs to the mall, leaving Milhouse behind)
:Milhouse: What? What did he say?!
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:Kearney: (Imitating Marge while driving Homer's car as he can't see) Now, Homie, when we get to the liquor store, buy me some Jack Daniels and a carton of smokes.
:Homer: Yes, dear.
:(Dolph and Jimbo snicker and exchange a high five)
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:Professor Frink: Jesus, Mary, and Glavin!
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:Professor Frink: These shoes are in the off position!
:Lisa: You mean I danced all by myself?
:Marge: See, honey? All you needed was to believe--
:Homer: (interrupts Marge) What are you talking about, Professor Frink? They're clearly in the on position. See? "On".
:Professor Frink: I was merely trying to spare the girl's feelings, you insensitive clod.
:Homer: Oh...oh! Well, now that I look even closer--
:Lisa: (interrupts Homer) Forget it, Dad.
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:Vicky Valentine: We all do crazy things when we're desperate. I once destroyed Buddy Ebsen's credit rating.
:Lisa: Why?
:Vicky Valentine: He knows why.
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:Mexican Milhouse: Qué malo, once again I must sugar my own churro.
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:Ralph Wiggum: My daddy shoots people!
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:Vicky Valentine: I'm ever so pissed!
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:Milhouse: I don't want to go home. My grandma's sleeping in my bed and she has skin like a basketball.
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:Marge: Well, looks like we got everything for Bart's camping trip: Blair Witch repellent, antler saw, and deep wood Scrabble.
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:Marge: Come on, Bart. While your dad gets his glasses, we'll go shop for your trip.
:Bart: Oh, I hate shopping. Just get me a deck of cards and I'll win whatever I need from the other kids.
:Marge: But you need to try things on. Every brand has a different idea of husky.
:Bart: (lies on the floor) I'm in tantrum position. T-minus five, four, three…remembering dead cat for real tears, and... (starts sobbing)
:Marge: Fine, you win. I'll do your shopping for you.
:Bart: Tantrum averted. But now I can't forget the cat! (sobbing)
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:(While Homer is having his eye exam at Eye Caramba)
:Eye doctor: Now read the first line.
:Homer: I...ate...pee-pee.
:Bart: (laughs)
:Homer: Why, you little! (grunting/strangles Bart)
:Eye doctor: (changes lens from a bad lens to a worse lens on the phoropter) Better or worse?
:Homer: (while strangling Bart and looking through the phoropter) Worse! (grunts)
:Eye doctor: (changes lens from the worse lens to a sharper lens on the phoropter) Better or worse?
:Homer: (while strangling Bart) Much...better!
:Bart: Dad!
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:Ralph: Lisa's bad dancing makes my feet sad!
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:Marge: I remember Little Vicki Valentine. Her perky smile and dancing brought America right out of the depression.
:Lisa: Well, I think World War II helped a little, Mom.
:Marge: Don't smart mouth, Lisa.
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:Milhouse: [to Bart] The mall?
:Bart: Yeah, it's just like my dad always says...
:Homer: [in a thought balloon] For an evening or a week, there's no place like the mall. Food, fun and fashion, the mall has it all!
:[Bart runs to the mall, leaving Milhouse behind]
:Milhouse: What? What did he say?!
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:Stan: [singing to the tune of "If You're Happy and You Know it Clap Your Hands"] If you're happy and you know it shop at Stan's. Giant discounts on your favorite major brands.
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:Mall Guy: [when he and the police see the mess Milhouse and Bart made in the mall] Oh, my God! Look at this place! How could this happen? Candy chewed, wigs pulled from stands, cheese packages poked and repoked.
:Chief Wiggum: Every sign points to one obvious culprit: a giant rat. [Bart and Milhouse look at each other, relieved] You'll have to shut down the mall.
:Mall Guy: On President's Day weekend? Are you crazy?
:Chief Wiggum: Crazy with concern for the public, yes. Now shut this place down before the old folks come in for their morning walk. [Grampa, Agnes, Old Jewish Man, Alice Glick and Jasper want to come in, but Lou takes Old Jewish Man's walker and uses it as a door barricade]
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:Lisa: What am I doing wrong, Little Vicki?
:Vicki: Well, you're falling a lot. Maybe you should work on that.
:Lisa: Yeah, well, no offense, but maybe I need a little more instruction that just "tappa-tappa-tappa".
:Vicki: Why, back when I was your age, I had 43 movies under my belt, and I had to do it without tappa-tappa-tappa. I would've killed for tappa-tappa-tappa.
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:Homer: Hey, we got a postcard from Bart. "Dear Mom and Homer, I'm having fun." Aw, it sounds like he's havin' fun!
:Marge: [takes the postcard] Why does it have a picture of Vitamin Barn?
:Homer: Didn't you ever go to camp? The old Vitamin Barn.
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:Professor Frink: Excuse me, Lisa, but I couldn't help but overhear your nerdly predicament. Maybe I can be of assistance with the dancing and the twisting and the [singing] kung fu fighting. Deedle-deedle dee dee doo.
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:Lou: Well, well. Looks like the cat got the rat.
:Chief Wiggum: And that's the end of that..."tail". [brushes his hands off]
:Eddie: Uh, Chief, should we try and get the mountain lion back in its crate?
:Chief Wiggum: I repeat: [brushes his hands off]
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:Professor Frink: [to the audience as Lisa's dancing] Stop the clapping, you'll kill us all!
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:Vicky Valentine: [to Lisa when she's dancing on stage] Nobody upstages Little Vicky! Hissss!
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:Vicky Valentine: I'm sorry, Lisa, but giving everyone an equal part when they're clearly not equal is called what again, class?
:The Class: Communism.
:Vicky Valentine: That's right. And I didn't tap all those Morse code messages to the allies 'till my shoes filled with blood just to roll out the welcome mat for the reds.