Fandom Fighter

Fandom Fighter is the forty-first episode of SBFW Quest. It aired on April 28, 2020, and is written by FireMatch.
==Transcript==
(In the Fandom building)
Member 5: Y’know, origins stories are overrated. They’re always twisted one way or another or are just completely false.
Member 3: My mom died in a horse accident and my dad died after an alligator attack.
Member 5: See what I mean?
Member 3: I swear that actually happened. I got bit by the alligator too, see? (he pulls up his shirt)
Member 5: No one wants to see that shit.
Jasbre: I think I have a good origin story.
Member 5: No one does, Jasbre.
Jasbre: Mine is the best, there’s no denying.
Member 5: X to doubt.
Jasbre: C’mon, I’ll tell you guys the story.
(Flashback time)
Jasbre: So, one day, when I was king of Fanonland, someone got on my nerves..
Matchy: (knocks over Jasbre’s Ween albums)
Jasbre: Those are my pride and joy! How dare you!
Matchy: OOooops sorry mate I’m drunk.
Jasbre: But you’re only 16.
Matchy: Underage drinking is easy to do in the middle ages.
Jasbre: Good point… Anyway…
Jasbre: Doesn’t matter. I’m putting you under arrest for underage drinking.
Matchy: Hey! You aren’t a sheriff!
Jasbre: I am now, bitch.
Matchy: Bruh.
(Jasbre literally picks up Matchy by the hair, and throws her in the town jail)
Matchy: You can’t do this to me! It’s not like you do drugs too.
Jasbre: Uh… shut up! (Matchy continues to complain) And that takes care of that.
Ian: Hey mate.
Jasbre: Oh yeah, I forgot we were gonna listen to some more Green Day.
Ian: This album is the best I tell ya.
Jasbre: It sure is.
Purple: Sorry to break you guys up, but we have a situation here!
(Purple points to a massive vandalism attack by Travis)
Jasbre: Not this shit again. I’ll worry about it after we listen to Green Day.
Purple: Jasbre!
Jasbre: Ugh, fine. Wait here, Ian.
Ian: Vandalism again? Who cares?
Purple: Ian, everyone cares BUT you.
(Jasbre walks up to the vandalism and gets rid of it)
Jasbre: And that takes care of that.
Ian: Finally we can listen to Green Day.
(They are about to listen to the album, when a large rumbling noise comes from Matchy’s stomach)
Matchy: Ignore that. Bad stomach, bad.
Stomach: I’m just doing what I was made for… annoying you!
Member 5: Wait a second. Stomachs can’t talk.
Jasbre: SHH!
(Back to flashback)
Matchy: King Jasbre, me is hungry.
Jasbre: Ugh… sorry again, Ian.
Ian: That Matchy fella is a twerp.
(Jasbre feeds beef jerky to Matchy)
Matchy: Thanks.
Jasbre: You’re not welcome. Now, where was I? 
(he and Ian finally get to listen to the Green Day album in peace)
Ian: That was great, like legit everything we listen to.
Jasbre: Yeah, isn’t this great?
Matchy: I’m thirsty.
Jasbre: Grr… 
(Later…)
Purple: Hey Jasbre, what color do you think works better, black or purple?
Jasbre: Black because I’m a black duck.
Purple: Okay then.
Rocky: Hey Jasbre, aren’t we supposed to be writing a story for a project?
Jasbre: Oh yeah that. Uhh… I have to use the bathroom. Be right back.
Rocky: (to himself) Jasbre, Jasbre… we’re never gonna get this done… 
(2 hours later)
Jasbre: Ah, what a good bathroom break.
Rocky: Seriously? 2 hours just to use the bathroom?
Jasbre: Is it any of your business?
Rocky: Fine. Let’s just get this project done.
Jasbre: Okay then.
(10 minutes later…)
Jasbre: I gotta pee.
Rocky: God FUCKING DA-
(Jasbre is already outta there)
(10 hours later…)
Rocky: Well, we never finished our project. Typical Jasbre… 
Jasbre: What did you say?
Rocky: Nothing!
Jasbre: Well then… time to relax with some more Meat Puppets.
(10 minutes into the album…)
Matchy: Bruh I’m starving!
Jasbre: That’s it. (he lets Matchy out of the jail and starts going insane) AHHHHHHHH!
Matchy: I think you need some help.
Jasbre: No, YOU need help! You’re making me go insane!
Rocky: Wat the hell is happening
Jasbre: You made me go insane too! AAAHHHHHHHH!
Rocky: What did I do?
Jasbre: Everyone, including you, keeps annoying me for some reason and I can’t have one moment of peace. Can’t you guys shut the frick up every once in a while?
Matchy: Jasbre, language! Besides, no one has talked in 10 minutes then you started screaming.
Jasbre: Uhh… shaddap!
Purple: (just waking up) What the flying fuck is happening here? Another conflict?
Matchy: Purple, it’s best you go back to sleep.
Purple: No way, man. I’m Jasbre’s assistant.
Jasbre: You! Clean up the mess I just made!
Purple: What mess? (he sees an entire bookshelf of Jasbre’s lo-fi albums) Oh… 
Jasbre: (end of flashback) And that’s my story. How was it?
Member 5: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhthiscantberealuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I have no idea.
Member 3: So what was the point in all this?
Jasbre: This is why I decided to join you guys. People back at home kept pissing me off.
Member 5: Oh, we got that a lot. My mom kept bringing me cookies she knew I didn’t like.
Jasbre: I hate when moms do that.
Member 6: I AM a mom.
Everyone else: oh.
(Episode ends)
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