Stand-in/Transcript

==After walking past the vault==
Dempsey: "Hey? Hey!? Is there anyone out there? We're stuck in this room!"
Nikolai: "Hello?! There is a Russian stuck in the room! This is not good!"
Richtofen: "Excuse me, is there anyone out there that would be willing to help? Hellooo?"
==After knifing the vault first time==
Nikolai: "AHHHHH I'm blind, I'm blind, in my eyes!"
Dempsey: "Holy shitballs, me too... What did you do Richtofen!?"
Richtofen: "I did nothing. Where's the light switch? Oh. I think I found a lever. Perhaps this will turn on the light."
Dempsey: "Ooh, AAH! Let go, that's.... not... a... LEVER! Richtofen!"
Richtofen: "Haha! Shhh! Did you hear that?"
Nikolai: "Uhh.. Sounded like someone outside. Hey, you! Hey! I need vodka!"
Richtofen: "Hello? Could you help us? There must be a blown fuse or something. It's dark in here."
(Takeo throws up)
Dempsey: "Oh man, that's wet."
----
Richtofen: "Hi Takeo, yeah, how you doing? You see all the puke? That we're picking up? You're not saying thank you? Nothing? You know why? Because you're a little shit."
==After staying at the vault==
Dempsey: "Oh for the love of.. Richtofen, just cause the lights ain't on doesn't mean I can't kick your ass. (Slaps Richtofen, 'Richtofen falls to floor') Now get your finger out of mine!'"
Nikolai: "You know, I kept the power off my entire first marriage..... first wife looked like Nikolai too much... ugh."
Richtofen: "It's so dark and quiet! Anyone up for a game?"
==After putting the fuse in the fuse box==
Richtofen: "Ah much better, now I can see the problem. We must have gone too far in the future. Look, the teleporter is completely broken. The time circuits are damaged. We'll have to reboot the--"
Dempsey: "Wait, you took us here on purpose!? Where are we?"
Richtofen: "A better question Dempsey..."
Nikolai: "Oh look! Blinkey light, heh heh, what´s this button do?"
Richtofen: "Nikolai, NOOOOOOO!!!!'"
(MDT Security System turns on)
Richtofen: "Oohhh great Nikolai, you just activated the MDT security system."
Nikolai: "Good!"
Richtofen: "Excuse me! You outside, ja... the handsome one. We need you to locate the power sources of the security system. They look like little half domes with a hole on top.. kinda like a big... forget it. If you destroy them, it should shut down the security system."
(After staying at the vault for a while.)
Dempsey: "This force field is good for something after all, keeping me separate from 'Mr. Touchy Feely' over there."
Nikolai: "I can break these force fields with Russian head strike... Grr..! Argh..! Ooh.. shit (farts) Bad idea. I lie down."
Richtofen: "Oh its situations like this make me wish I haven't erased their....... I mean..... (sings) force field, force field, stuck behind a force field. Hehehe... Do you know that tune?"
==After destroying the generators (solo dialogue)==
Dempsey: "Okay, that did the trick."
Richtofen: "Ah yes, Takeo can you hand me that screwdriver?"
(Takeo throws up)
Dempsey: "Ok, eww."
Richtofen: "Is that all he's going to do this trip?"
Nikolai: "TAKEO! Let's dance you barfing fool!"
Richtofen: "So now that they're occupied I've been wondering, could you do a special errand for me? I need you to retrieve a very important device, it looks like a long, stiff, hard, golden rod... With fingers on the end, Aaaoohh, delightful."
(After staying at the vault.)
Dempsey: "Oh boy, let's leave so we can go on another wild goose chase except we're the geese and the zombies are...... something. There's a saying in here, isn't there?...... a little help!"
Nikolai: "It's going to be sad to leave this tiny tiny room. Richtofen, I hope you're leading us to more vodka and less zombies!" 
Richtofen: "Soon the vril generator will be MINE! And then there is only one more thing I need! (maniacal laughter)"
==After destroying the generators (co-op dialogue)==
Dempsey: "Okay that did the trick."
Richtofen: "Ah yes, Takeo can you hand me that screwdriver?"
(Takeo throws up)
Dempsey: "Ok, ew."
Richtofen: "Is that all he's going to do this trip?"
Nikolai: "Oh, I have such a headache.. I need vodka!"
Dempsey: "Now ain't the time for drinking, Nikolai!"
Nikolai: "I heartily disagree! Now is perfect time for drinking. (He Burps)"
Richtofen: "Ja, vodka! That will give me the distraction I....... I mean...... good idea!"
Nikolai: "See Tank? It always good time for drinking, eh?"﻿
Richtofen "But there couldn't possibly be anything left to drink anywhere, could there?"
(Staying at the vault)
Dempsey: "At least there aren´t any fucking zombies in here... I feel like I'm on vacation."
Nikolai: "Wait, my eye-sight is clear, my hands do not shake, I can hold coherent thoughts... aaah! I'm... SOBER! (groans)"
Richtofen: "Remember, if you have to go to the potty, I have designated this corner the potty corner. Meaning that if you have to potty, in a corner, this will be the corner that you would potty in. Number 1 or 2 is acceptable"
==After Getting the Vodka==
Richtofen: "Oh hello thank you so much."
Dempsey: "Come on Rectal-fan. It's singing time!"
Nikolai: "Ahh I feel like dancing with third wife, like she's doing the troika with me."
Dempsey: "Wait isn't the troika that dance that needs three people?"
Nikolai: "Yeah, but third wife, big woman. She can do both parts!"
Dempsey: "Eww."
Nikolai: "I lie in bed I just roll towards her, you know."
(Takeo throws up.)
Nikolai: "Takeo, lets dance you barfing fool!"
Dempsey and Nikolai (singing): "99 shots of vodka, 99 shots of glee, we drink for fun, it's better than rum! 99 shots of vodka for me! 98 shots of vodka, 98 bottles of glee, we drink for fun, it's better than rum! 98 shots of vodka for me!"
Richtofen: "So now that they're occupied I've been wondering, could you do a special errand for me? I need you to retrive a very important device, it looks like a long, stiff, hard, golden rod... With fingers on the end, Aaaoohh, delightful."
Nikolai: "96 shots of vodka........"
Dempsey: "Come on, you lost count again you dumbass! Now we have to start all over again!"
Nikolai: "Well, I do not like math.'"
(Both repeat song until finished)
(After staying at the vault)
Dempsey: (burps) "You know, sometimes I feel like I can't remember a time before the zombies, er, I really can't. Heh heh, maybe it's the vodka. Well, maybe not."
Nikolai: "Ha ha ha, everything is right again! hehehehe!"
Richtofen: "One more piece, and the world will be MINE! (evil chuckle) Oh, I mean, (singing) force field force field, stuck behind a force field. Do you know that tune?"
==After getting the Golden Rod (Solo dialogue)==
Dempsey: "Kinda sick of me to ask this but Richtofen, is that a rod in your pocket?"
Richtofen: "Nein, let's go! I've got us what we needed."
Nikolai: "Ha yeah.... DRUNK!"
Richtofen: "Thank you so much for your help out there. Goodbye!"
(Crew tries to teleport away but malfunctions)
Nikolai: "What happened?"
Dempsey: "Should I get out and push?"
Richtofen: "Ugh, the fuse box must have shorted out--again!"
Dempsey: "Oh come on! This better be more rewarding than last time. Stupid Gersh."
Nikolai: "Vodka!"
==Fixing the broken fuse ==
Richtofen: "Thank you again stranger, perhaps we will see you another time.. goodbye!"
Dempsey: "Yo sauerkraut, never did tell us why we came--wherever this is."
Richtofen: "All in good time my clever Dempsey, all in good time!"
(Takeo throws up)
Richtofen: "Oh.. that's what you get for eating raw fish!"
(Crew teleports away)
Category:Easter eggs