Brawl in the Family/Quotes

:Homer: A grizzly bear with a chainsaw. Now, there's a killing machine!
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:Homer: I'm gonna come back with the greatest gift a husband can give his wife. An annulment from his secret wife!
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:Marge: We don't need TV to have family fun. Why don't we play Monopoly?
:Lisa: Which version? [pulls board games from the closet] We've got "Star Wars Monopoly,"
:"Rasta-mon opoly," "Galipolopoly," "Edna Krabappoly."
:Marge: Let's stick to regular Monopoly. The game is crazy enough as it is; how can an iron be a landlord?
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:[While the family is playing Monopoly]
:Bart: [holding some money Homer has given him] You're a little light here, Dad.
:(Bert & Ernie appear.)
:Homer: I'm good for the rest… you know I am!
:Bart: Well, I'd like to trust you, Homer, but you've been in jail 3 times.
:Homer: They told me it would be like this on the outside.
:Lisa: [picks up one of Bart's "hotels"] These hotels are made of Legos. Bart, you're cheating!
:Marge: Lisa, it was probably an accident.
:Lisa: Oh, sure, you take his side, just because he bought you that house on St. James Place.
:Bart: Who else is going to take care of her? Dad?
:Homer: Why, you little ... [throttles Bart]
:Marge: Stop fighting! [throttles Homer]
:Lisa: Mom, that's not how you pry them apart! [grabs Bart's arm and tries to pull him away from Homer]
:Marge: I've been prying them apart since before you were born!
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:Brenda the Police Robot: I am Brenda. I am programmed to talk in a calm and constructive manner. [yells] DESTROY! DESTROY!
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:Officer Lou: Another case of Monopoly-related violence, Chief.
:Chief Wiggum: How do those Parker Brothers sleep at night?
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:Chief Wiggum: Nice work, Brenda. I'll take it from here.
:Brenda the Police Robot: No way! This is my collar! [Chief Wiggum switches off Brenda's power switch and she shuts down]
:Chief Wiggum: Too bad real women don't come with these, huh? [laughs]
:Homer: [laughs] You got that right.
:Chief Wiggum: Quiet, you. That counts as your phone call.
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:[When the Simpsons are in jail]
:Lisa: Thanks a lot, everybody. Now, I'll never get into an Ivy League school.
:Bart: [taunting] You're going to Stanford, you're going to Stanford ...
:Homer and Bart: [taunting] You're going to Stanford!
:Lisa: Take it back! Take it back!
:Homer: Stanford.
:Marge: This family has hit rock bottom.
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:Gabriel: Hello, I'm Gabriel.
:Homer: [gasps] A heavenly choir! You must be an angel.
:Gabriel: [laughs] No, that's my pager. [turns his pager off] I'm a social worker. I'm here to help you stop fighting and become a family again.
:Homer: No, you are an angel, like Denzel Washington in "The Preacher's Wife", or Will Smith in "Bagger Vance", or Slimer in "Ghostbusters".
:Marge: Sir, we know you're not an angel. My husband sees too many movies.
:Homer: Don't blame me, blame Tinseltown and its second golden age. May it never end.
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:[Bart brings Gabriel to school]
:Bart: [to the kids at school] Attention, everyone! This is Gabriel, my personal social worker. He has to be here. I'm just that nuts. [the kids are impressed]
:Milhouse: How come you get a social worker? I'm the one with stigmata. [holds up his bloody hands]
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:Marge: Food keeps my family happy, so I make a few practice dinners before showtime, ‘cause at 6 o'clock, we go live!
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:[When Homer brings Gabriel to Moe’s]
:Homer: Okay, Gabriel, this is a bar. It's where I go to drink alcohol, which is the mortal equivalent of your ambrosia.
:Gabriel: Homer, I am not an angel.
:Homer: Pfft. Well, not with that temper.
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:[Gabriel takes the Simpsons’ to the rules]
:Homer: Okay, why are we in the woods? Is this Heaven?
:Gabriel: No, Homer. I brought you out here to shake off your negative behavior patterns. Marge, you medicate your family with food. Bart, you'll do anything for attention …cut that out!
:Bart: [with a beard of bees] They chose me.
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:Homer: Okay, family huddle. [everyone huddles together and Homer lowers his voice to a whisper] Now, here's how it's going down. As a family, we drive away. We cover for each other, as a family. It's what Gabriel would have wanted.
:Lisa: Look, we can't fall into old patterns. We've got to think of a plan.
:Homer: [in a whisper] Okay, but talk like this.
:Lisa: [in a whisper] Fine, I'll talk like this.
:Homer: [in his normal voice] What?
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:Marge: You know, we've been through some 280 adventures together, but our bond has never been stronger.
:Homer: Yep, our family is as functional as all get-out.
:Lisa: Could this be the end of our series ... of events?
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:Homer: But Marge, it wasn't my fault... liquors drunkened me!
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:Amber: [to Lisa] I could show you how to put on makeup.
:Lisa: I'm 8 years old.
:Amber: You could look 7. [to Bart] And I can teach you how to count cards.
:Bart: I already have a system.
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:Homer: (wakes up) Aah, the sweet couple of seconds before I remember why I'm sleeping on the lawn.
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:Judge Harm: Mr. Simpson, under Nevada law, bigamy, or "Mormon hold-'em," is perfectly legal. [bangs gavel] Both marriages stand.
:Homer: But I only love Marge!
:Judge Harm: I hereby order you to take care of both of your wives. Bailiff, ring him. [a bailiff puts a second wedding ring onto Homer's finger]
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:Marge: Homer?
:Homer: Marge? You're speaking to me!?
:Marge: Why don't you come inside and we'll talk?
:Homer: About what? Sports? Bigamy?
:Marge: Bigamy.
:Homer: Not a sports fan, huh?
:Marge: You insensitive jerk! Maybe this family would be better off without you!
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:Grampa: Oh, I lost another wife.
:Lisa: I'm sorry, Grampa.
:Grampa: Well, it hurts now, but the senility will take care of that. There she goes. (to Homer) You know, I have a son about your age.
es:Brawl in the Family/Frases