LLR Observer 5

Lads and ladies, I am Gabe Seltzer (BAYBAY) and this is this week's Observer Newsletter.  Whats to say? The G1 Climax is over. Summerslam is round the bend and the pace is being picked up. Overall, a solid week.
THIS WEEK IN LLR
* Apparently, a debutante by the name u/anonymous_user8949 appeared. But in their words, they aren't a new predictor. They were also seen in an odd promo where they meet a woman who helps them. Who are they? Is this another one of the midnight adventures of u/Mr_FreakJuice? More on this in inside scoops.
* u/Mlgbonghits4 defended his Hardcore Championship at wXw against u/god_of_havoc and won. He also beat u/ontheropes619 at G1 Day/18 for the title. He was also successful against u/GryffindorTom, the Harry Potter erotica fan, at PROGRESS New York (These streets will make you feel brand new, big lights will inspire you,let's hear it for New York!). But he lost to u/shriramrishi and u/TheCivilizedGamer at G1 Climax Day 19. As stated by the NJPW GM, the verdict for the tie is still pending and in the stoned and intoxicated hands of u/YourBuddyChurch.
Edit: As I've been informed, u/shriramrishi and u/TheCivilizedGamer will be facing each other for the Hardcore Championship on Monday Night Raw in a 2-out-of-3 Falls match. I'm preparing my star sheet.
* The raging battle between u/LMonkA7X and u/LemonStains continues. This is probably the best feud going into Summerslam. Of course, poor u/EllieDaishould have some say here too, since she's in the InterContinental Championship match but yet again, the management of LLR favours their chosen ones. That aside, I urge our readers to pay attention to the fantastic entertainment being provided by Lemon(steiner) and Monk.
* u/SlowbroJJ and u/VacantForHOF begged for their match to be given the main event slot at Summerslam. Much to their chagrin, u/YourBuddyChurchdeclined. I agree with him. This current programme between the two is just riding on their original build. u/King-Of-Zing should be defending her title in the main event.
* It seems LLR.com is nothing but a paid shill for the Remnant and Evolution. The site doesn't get proper hits or ad revenue and is a losing venture, being protected only because u/the_gift_of_g2j likes to give messages to his opponents through it.
* Things seem to be taking a plunge for the worse for u/shriramrishi as he's losing his powers and coughing blood too. I've heard Benadryl is a good cure. On the subject of coughs, u/god_of_havoc is coughing and bleeding too. Plagiarism at it's best.
* u/ElDaboWHC debuted and his gimmick seems to be packing tons of potential. Reports have said that he was being offered a mega deal to sign exclusively for New Reddit Pro Wrestling but he decided to sign with LLR instead.
* u/Mr_FreakJuice has shockingly revealed that he didn't kill his mother but danced her to death…. If that doesn't stun you, no amount of Stone Cold Stunners will, either. His Russian one night stand/dance partner has been revealed to be a belle named Veronika.
* Last Line recorded a match of them beating two 15 year old kids named Jack and Zeke. The match was unsanctioned but the sheer amount of child abuse has forced parents to sue LLR even more. Church covered the Freak Juice matricide very well but this one seems to have crossed the line.
* u/ecock5902 has revealed that him and u/Mlgbonghits4 will be teaming up at TakeOver Brooklyn's Tag Team qualifiers.
* u/loctavian and u/ThCivilizedGamer faced off against each other at this week's SmackDownLive. A solid feud and their Summerslam match will without a doubt be a fantastic show of pro predicting.
* u/hydraloonie stole things ranging from suits, penguin stuffed toys to replica title belts. He also clearly doesn't know how to spell ‘till’. It has two Ls.
* u/IAmTheP1 debuted and laid out an unanswered open challenge for Summerslam.
* The Hardcore Title match at TakeOver Brooklyn will be Championship Scramble match.
* u/Gemini_TT returned from a pilgrimage and have blatantly said that they'll be interested in losing at Summerslam. Who knows, they might end up being future endeavoured if this goes on.
* u/TheFalconArrow will assist the remainder of the Remnant (hehe, gettit?) in the faction war as their third man since u/MrCappie pulled out, as reported by the Observer earlier this week.
* The inaugural LLR G1 Climax concluded with u/Ontheropes619 beating u/Immathrodis. I rate the match 4.75 stars. Our ratings are going s bit slow because I'm a busy man and Cryan is uhhh, taking a sabbatical.
* WhoCulture.com returned and is set to sue u/PredictionCulture.com. Not a goof time to be a dirt sheet. Be a clean sheet, I say because every goalkeeper loves one.
Inside Scoops
* As we revealed last week, u/King-Of-Zing and u/IM_A_ONE_MAN_BANNEDwere set to join Los Ingobernables de Reddit, who would turn heel by kicking out u/FakeNewsBarrett. I can confirm that we have been sued by LLR for revealing their future storyline and a lawyer named Throdis was sent to us. The result has been that the entire storyline has been shelved and King and OMB have decided to become Reddit (Reddit) Vice. Now, smart ass LLLR management have decided to feed us a rumour that Zing and OMB won't turn heel and that FakeNews will still leave. Bonghits and Bold will stay but FakeNews’ exit will ‘leave a long lasting effect on LLR’. Take this report with a grain of salt.
* u/anonymous_user8949 is in fact a returning player. The three suspects are u/oithumperoi, u/TheUltimateMark or u/BrodyMahone. The odds are in favour of Thumper as the words ‘Boss Bitch’ were seen written in the LLR washroom by red lipstick as reported by u/GryffindorTom. What he was doing in the women's washroom is beyond me. A peeping Tom? I'd watch out, ladies. (Sorry Tom, I just had to)
* Our insiders have reported that u/Trucker1026 has been offered a major role in the movie, “Cars and Trucks” where he plays the rival of Lightning McQueen named Big Bucky Borris. This sudden call by Hollywood may force him to leave the predicted circle for the foreseeable future. You will be missed...or not.
Young Lions to watch out for
* u/ElDaboWHC
* u/IAmTheP1
* Last Line (this, after their child abuse shenanigans)
Match of the week: u/Immathrodis Vs u/Ontheropes619 G1 Climax Final- 4.75 stars.
Segment of the week: u/LMonkA7X Vs u/LemonStains Stage 2
Category:Observer