Protestant mouth

A Protestant mouth is a condition that Protestants have, that make it difficult to process spicy food, like Catholics and Buddhists do.
==Symptoms==
Some symptoms upon consuming spicy food:
*passing on seconds when the food is found to be spicy (by Catholic and Buddhist standards this means mild, like something a woman could easily tolerate)
*nausea
*urge to chug homo-milk
==The Cure==
It is actually God's punishment upon Apeists for mimicking Papists yet falling short from public endorsement of Papacy. The only remedy to the Protestant mouth is by renouncing Protestantism. This usually won't suffice in itself, so in most cases a full conversion to a religion that endorses spicy food is more than often required. To prove one's conversion and truly be hardcore, a pilgrimage to Mexico or Thailand is the obvious choice.
==Why Protestants Don't Want a Cure==
The Protestant God doesn't want his people eating spicy food, since it is a sin to eat spicy food...that's why it is spicy! This is non-Scriptural Protestant Dogma that is generally accepted by Protestants and should not be questioned. Protestants believe Papists have a lower tolerance to spicy food, because they are not believed by Protestants to be God's chosen people like the Protestants (and specifically Uniteds). 
==The Protestant Solution After Consuming Spicy Food==
If a Protestant accidentally consumes spicy food, one must do the following.
# REPENT SINNER!
# Do not drink bottled water, that is also a sin!
# Do not drink melk, that will only make you want to eat more spicy food.
# REPENT AGAIN
# PRAY
# Make an anti-Catholic joke
# REPENT!
Once you have done this, maybe, JUST maybe, the Protestant God will forgive you.
==Fun Facts==
* Even if you are a Protestant, doing a pilgrimage to Mexico or Thailand may cure you of your Protestant mouth (unless you are of a Sacramental Protestant church such as the United church of Canada, in which case a conversion of Faith would be necessary)
* If you have a Protestant mouth, this compromises your appreciation for alcoholic beverages (however this is not a problem as you probably don't drink as much as most Catholics)
* You can't see anything fun about spicy food
* You are less likely to catch the yellow fever if you have a Protestant mouth
* Those with a Protestant mouth are also known as Whitebread Protestants 
* If you have a Protestant mouth and pass on spicy food from different cultures in a school in the United Kingdom, you will be accused of racism 
* Contrary to popular belief, Protestants do not think Ketchup is spicy. This is more of an Anglican thing, and as Earl claims we all know, Anglicans aren't Protestant [3]~-start-14-stop
Category:Religions