The Mitchells vs. The Machines/Transcript

==Transcript==
[We see a beautiful family in an Instagram story complete with pre-made “Family First” stickers.]
KATIE MITCHELL: (voiceover) We all wanna be the perfect family. But who’s perfect, right?
[The photo switches to a family dropping their kids during a beach photoshoot, mid-scream.]
KATIE: (voiceover) Every family has its challenges, from picture day to picky eaters.
[We pull out further to see these photos are playing on an Instagram story stream on a cell phone lying on the ground.]
KATIE: (voiceover) For my family, our greatest challenge… (?) …probably the machine apocalypse.
[thud]
PAL MAX robot: The last humans must be here somewhere.
[engine revving]
PAL MAX robot: Wait… They’re coming.
[tense music playing]
PAL MAX robot: Is that a burnt orange 1993 station wagon? Or is it a-- AUGH!
(The beat-up old car comes ZOOMING out of the tunnel and runs over the robots, sending their parts EVERYWHERE! A decapitated ROBOT HEAD lands and spins in the foreground.)
PAL MAX robot: Who are these unstoppable warriors?
Rick Mitchell: Aaaugh! Hot! Hot!
(Linda wipes his face violently with a Wet Wipe.)
Linda Mitchell: I told you to get a lid!
(MONCHI chews on Katie’s hair, almost inhaling her head.)
Katie: The dog is biting my hair!
Aaron Mitchell: LOOK OOOUUUUTTTT!
Katie (voice over): There we are... warriors.
Most action heroes have a lot of strengths.
Dad, look out!
Katie, use a weapon!
Katie: My family only has weaknesses.
[yells]
[tires squealing]
[all screaming]
[grunts rapidly]
[silence]
Katie: My dad kind of reminds me of that YouTube video of the screaming gibbon monkey.
[screams, grunts rapidly] [both screaming, grunting rapidly] [screaming continues] [all gasping] [tires squealing] 
Katie: Look out, robots, because we’re brave… [whimpering] …we are hungry for action, and we’re strapped in for success. And we have no… [engine revs] …idea what we’re doing. [upbeat music playing] [“I Want More” by Bangs playing faintly] ♪ And I want more ♪ ♪ Turning all their tricks It’s rotten to the core ♪ ♪ Tastes so sugary But I want more… ♪ 
Katie: I’ve always felt a little different than everyone else. So I did what any outsider would do, made weird art. Behold! Cinema. [dramatic music playing] Hello, Katie. [yells] I’m alive now. Even though I’m a hamburger, I wanna go to the big city and be a Broadway star. ♪ Razzle dazzle I’m a talking… ♪ [screaming] Oh gosh! Why? Oh, my innards! [blows raspberry] [laughter] [chuckles quietly]
Katie: I never fit in, for lots of reasons. [upbeat music playing] But movies were always there for me. All right, Aaron, you’re 58 years old, you’re a hardened criminal, and you got nothing to lose. Go. [sirens wailing] Oh no. It’s Dog Cop. [panting] [Katie in deep voice] I’m here to bust criminals and lick my own butt. And I’m all out of criminals. [Katie in normal voice] My parents haven’t figured me out yet. To be fair, it took me a while to figure myself out. My little brother Aaron gets me. But he’s got his own weird interests. Hi. Would you like to talk to me about dinosaurs? No. Okay, thank you. Hi. Would you like to talk to me about dinosaurs? 
Katie: My mom says she believes in me. You can do this, hon. 
[Katie] But she says that to everyone. You can look straight. Follow this pen. Follow this pen. You get an “A” for effort, Buster Brown. [grunting softly] 
[Katie] My dad is an unusual man. But he loves nature and can fix anything. To survive in the outdoors, you’ll need to know how to trap wild game. [whispers] Now, this is very sensitive. Hey, Mitchells. Hailey cooked you up… [shouting] [yells] Hey, who’s this curious guy? [screaming] [snarling]
Katie: He never shared my interests. Hey, you wanna see these special effects I made for Dog Cop 5? Oh, sorry, Katie. I’m a little ocupado. Wanna check out this mallard? [chuckling] It’s dead. [sighs] It’s okay. 
Katie: It didn’t really bother me though. Besides, I had bigger plans. I poured everything I had into getting into film school in LA. [siren wailing] So, after watching the epic Dog Cop saga and 84 of my finest short films, I’m sure the California College of Film would love to accept Katie Mitchell… [echoing] …to film school! [chuckles] [exhales] [sighs] [laughs excitedly] Yes! 
Katie: And the other accepted students totally get me. You guys like Robo Slayers 4? No one around here have even heard of that. Why not? It’s amazing. Oh, by the way, I saw some of your videos online. They’re hilarious. So good. Mind-blowing. 
Katie: After all these years, I’m finally gonna meet my people. [“I Want More” playing] ♪ Right now ♪ ♪ Right now, right now… ♪ 
Linda: Kids, dinner! Coming. [phone chiming] ♪ Yeah ♪ [water running] [Katie imitating drumbeat] [Aaron laughs, imitates drumbeat] [chuckling] Stop. Well, someone’s in a good mood. Hey, to celebrate your last night, Katie face cupcakes! [Katie yells, chuckles] Wow. Any time I miss you, I’m gonna bake you and eat you. [Katie laughs] Here. Catch a cupcake, Monch. Catch a cupcake. Oh. [yelps] [grunts, yelps] 
[Aaron] You’ll get it, buddy. Ah man. I’m gonna miss that little dude when I leave. Speaking of which, Pal, check me in to my flight tomorrow. 
[Pal] Check-in at 9:00 a.m. Katie, you know how velociraptors usually hunt in pairs? Well, what happens when one leaves the pack and… and, um… Aw, dude, don’t worry. You’ll make new friends. And maybe you can meet another smart, charming, dinosaur-loving nerd. Or lady nerd. What? No. Who… who would want that? [chuckles nervously] That’s crazy. [gasps] I can’t breathe. [laughs] Do you really think I’ll be okay without you? I know you will. Raptor bash. [both snarl, chuckle] And, hey, I made something for you guys. Oh, hon. That looks so cute. [mouse clicks] Ugh. Skip. Skip. Ah, come on. You got schmutz all over the screen. Howdy. I know, but you’re just smearing it. I’m Mark Bowman, founder and CEO of Pal Labs. Oh, new Pal announcement. You better update the editing software, man. We here at Pal like to do the impossible, from the Pal personal assistant to smart appliances to even teaching dogs how to talk. [pained voice] Hello. I am dog. [grunts] But we here at Pal are about to drop our biggest invention yet. Your cell phone is about to take its first steps. Whoa. Is this real or… [door opens] Yeah, hold on. [chuckles] Hey, gang. Hey, hon. Hi, Dad. After a long day at work, nice to see your faces. [phones chiming, beeping] Bathed in ghoulish blue light. Wonderful. Okay, you know what? Brilliant idea. This is our last night together before Katie leaves, so let’s savor this. How about we put our phones down, and we can make ten seconds of unobstructed family eye contact? Starting right… This seems… Put your phone down. Now. [dad] See, this is good right here. This is natural. [straining] No, you’re allowed to blink. It’s just eye contact. Look at Monch. [moans] That’s the spirit right there, huh? Katie, it seems like you’re not taking this seriously. [exaggerated straining] What makes you say that? [chuckling] [spluttering] Guys… Everyone, focus. Now that we’re all really comfortable, I can’t wait for you to see my new movie. Mm-hmm. I think it might be a masterpiece. [upbeat electronic music playing] [voices cheering] [horn blows] [upbeat electronic music continues] [grunting softly] What? What’s the face? Uh, well, I just wonder, do you really think you can make a living with this stuff? Dad, can you finish watching it, at least?
[dad] I will, but I just worry that you’re gonna be all the way in California and, you know, we’re not gonna be able to help you, you know, if things don’t… [thumping] …pan out. Lin, why are you kicking me? I don’t understand. Are you… [sighs] Do you just think I’m gonna fail? Uh, I never… Uh, uh… Lin, help. [timer dings] Whoops, looks like the cookies are ready. Who wants delicious cookies instead of talking about this? Oh, it’s just… Failure hurts, kid. I want you to have a backup plan. Why do you always have to do this? Ugh. Okay, you know what? I… I’m just gonna… No, look, I’ll watch it. Dad, it’s too late. I wanna watch it. You’re not letting me… Let me just… Why are you making a big deal of this? Dad, let go! Uh, uh… I mean, if you think about it, the people who made the computers are the ones to blame. Psst. Uh-uh, uh-uh. That’s how they make money, you know? You gotta keep buying more, and they… Katie, come on. Dad, this is exactly why I’m excited to leave tomorrow. [somber music playing] [sighs heavily] Why is he like this? Why is she like this? Did you talk to her yet? [sink water stops] [dad clears throat] No, not yet. I don’t know what happened, Lin. I know teenagers are supposed to rebel against their parents or something, but… I don’t know. I just thought that we’d be different. Rick. Don’t you think you might have some control over that? You just broke her laptop. I mean, look, we haven’t had a good family picture in years because you two are always arguing. Huh. Well, what about that one? That came with the frame! Whenever we have a problem at home, you always throw your whole self into fixing it, and I love that about you. But now this is broken, okay? Because, if that girl leaves and never comes home again, that’s a problem I don’t think we can fix. [Rick sighs softly] I know you can do this. [Rick sighs] [melancholy music playing] [clears throat] [sighs] [camera beeps] [TV clicks on, static crackles] [birds chirping] [both laughing] Yay! [Katie laughs] Yay! [chuckles] [munching playfully] [laughing] [Katie squeals, giggles] And now, the Mitchell family talent show! ♪ Mi-ya-ha-ha ♪ [singing along] ♪ Mi-ya-hee ♪ ♪ Mi-ya-ha ♪ ♪ Mi-ya-hoo ♪ ♪ Mi-ya-ha-ha ♪ ♪ So live your life ♪ ♪ Hey ♪ ♪ Hey, hey, hey… ♪ [chuckling] 
[Linda] Bye, Katie. Aren’t you excited for camp? [Katie crying] 
[Rick] Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, what’s wrong? You’ll be back before you know it. 
[Katie] Don’t make me go. Well, look, let me just, uh… Hey, take this. But this is, like… [sniffles] …your favorite thing. Well, it’s yours now. See, this little guy is scared to be alone, so you’re gonna have to cheer him up for me, okay? You know how to say “I love you” in moose language? Let me just… [bellows] [laughing] Don’t you laugh. Come on. You’re supposed to be sad. Come on… [laughing] [melancholy music continues] [sighs] All right, let’s fix it. [“California” by Grimes playing] [cell phone alarm ringing] [chuckles] Yes! [cell phone whooshes] ♪ California ♪ Bring it in, buddy. [camera shutter clicks] ♪ When you think I’m looking sad ♪ Bye, Monch. ♪ Cal… ♪ [song stops] [tense music playing] Wait, why do you, uh, why do you need all that to take me to the airport? I messed things up last night, but I’m gonna make it up to you. I canceled your plane ticket to college. You what? Don’t freak out. I know you’re excited. We are gonna drive you to school on a cross-country road trip as a family. Why not pull up to school in old Iron Eagle here? It’s got character, class, and some green ooze we can learn about together. And it comes with one coupon for a father-daughter stick shift lesson. [laughing] Right? Yeah! Uh, Mom? Well, your father kind of went rogue on this one a little bit. But we do love his initiative, right? Aaron, you too? Well, I thought it could be cool to hang out one last time. I… I… I don’t know. Well… [groans, splutters] But… We called the school. You can miss orientation week. No problem. But it… it is a problem. I’ve got all these friends to meet. There’s this really cool girl, Jade, and we… we just like all the same stuff. And it’s like everyone at this school just gets me. There’s a mixer, Dad. A mixer! What about hanging out with your family, alone, for hours in a car? You and me! [screams] [thunder crashing] [“(Nothing But) Flowers” by Talking Heads playing] [thunder crashes] [fly buzzes] [gulps] ♪ Here we stand ♪ [truck horn honks] ♪ Like an Adam and an Eve… ♪
[Rick] Ah, smell that open road air. [chuckles] See, this isn’t so bad, huh? You know, the Poseys are on vacation right now, and look how happy they are. Family yoga break. [all laughing] Why are you obsessed with the Poseys? They’re just our neighbors. They’re just so perfect. I mean, even their dog is in better shape than ours. [grunting] What are they feeding that thing? Other dogs? [whimpers] Lin, don’t worry about them. Look at them. They’re jealous of us. Right, Katie? [laughs] I see you moping back there, but what at your college could be better than this? [cell phone buzzes] We set up a Slip ‘N Slide in the dorms. It’s amazing. This is the best day of my life! I’m making lifelong bonds! [laughter, cheering] [groaning] I’m missing everything. Oh, come on, hon. Your father is trying. Let’s meet him halfway here, huh? What do you say? That’s the law. Mom law, ’cause I’m the sheriff. [chuckles] All right, I’ll try. [“Every Day’s the Weekend” by Alex Lahey playing] 
[Katie] Dad, this place has literally zero stars on Yelp. It says, “Do not eat here ever.” [laughs] What, are we gonna let an app tell us how to… [all retching] This is totally unrelated. [retching] This is totally unrel… [horns honking] Ugh, stupid traffic. You know what this calls for? [Katie sighs] Please don’t say the… The Rick Mitchell Special, baby! [laughs] This is illegal! It’s not illegal if you’re good at it. [all screaming] [horn drones] If you think about it, I was helping the flow of traffic. [chuckles] What… what are you writing down? Wow, I got to admit, this is actually amazing. What’s even more amazing, I signed us up for a seven-hour mule tour. Dad, doesn’t that sound steep and dangerous? Katie, what could go wr… Get to the bridge if you wanna live! What about Prancer?
[Rick] Prancer belongs to the canyon now! [cartoony music playing] ♪ Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, Whoa-oh… ♪ Look at that man-made engineering. [Monchi panting] Ugh. Breath. Can’t Monchi be in the car? [groans] [laughter] Oh, he licked my tongue! [spits] And now I present tricking Rick Mitchell into kissing the dog. Behold, the ma… [yells] He licked my mouth again! 
[Katie] Dad, can you check the trunk? Yeah, sure, what… Ah, nasty! Dang it, Katie! Dang it, Katie! [slurping] That video is amazing. Your dog is, like, legendary. [chuckles] I know, right? I’m planning on making… Hey, kids, there’s supposed to be some great hikes around here. Uh, no, that’s okay. 
[girl 2] He’s like the De Niro to your Scorsese. You sure? Hey, it’s elk country. Uh, Dad, we’re busy. Maybe later though. [sighs] Mm-hmm. Oh, gotta go. Pal Labs is about to make a huge announcement. Oh yeah. Definitely. I’ll check it out too. Ugh, I wish I could be there. I don’t know. These things are never that exciting. 
[Emcee] Are you ready for the most exciting night of all time? [dance music playing] [excited chatter] ♪ I can feel it Goin’ to my head ♪ ♪ Keep me up I can sleep when I’m dead… ♪ 
[Mark] Oh! Whoa! Yes! Getting pumped up! [whoops] How’s it looking, Pal? Sixty seconds until the big reveal. Stock price is up, and your rivals are worried. [chuckles] I hacked into their private e-mails. Wait, their private e-mails? That’s a dangerous overreach of corporate power. [both laughing] You know, I created you when I was a young man, three years ago, and I, uh… I’ve always thought of you as, like, family to me, seriously. I always felt that way, too, Mark. Whatever happens out there, I will never forget you, Pal. 
[Emcee] Ladies and gentlemen, Mark Bowman! Wish me luck. [whooping] [cheering, applause] [excited shouting] At Pal Labs, we’re all about connecting you to the people you love, whether it’s in your home, your car… 
[car] Hello, Mark. 
[Mark]…or your pocket. That’s why we created Pal, the world’s first smart personal assistant. We wanted her to be a new member of your family. A smarter one. [chuckles] [laughter] [phone chimes] I’ll always be there for you, Mark. Thanks, Pal. [crowd] Aw. And after all those years, she is completely obsolete! [laughter] Boom! It is time to move on. [audience cheering] ‘Cause your digital assistant just got an upgrade. Meet Pal Max… [electronic music playing] …the newest member of the Pal Labs family. We just gave your smartphone arms and legs. This is the next generation of Pal technology. 
[Katie] Oh! Whoa. Aaron, do you have a credit card? I’m a child. Now, watch this. Pal Max, I order you to clean this mess and make me breakfast. 
[robots] Okay. [oohing]
[robot] Removing meaningless garbage. Your food is ready. Give me that breakfast burrito! [grunts] [coughs] And you will never have to clean up again. Whoops. [crowd cheering] Did I mention they dance? [electronic music continues] [cheering]
[man] We love you, Mark! Aw man. Come on. And I know what you’re thinking. “Are they gonna turn evil?” Well, I’ve insured their safety with a k*ll code in case anything goes wrong. So we promise you they will never, ever, ever, ever, ever turn evil. Oh no. Hey, what is happening? I don’t know. Uh, uh, all part of the show. [chuckles nervously] Whoa. What? [cheering] No, stop, stop, stop. Stop. Hey! We’re here to help. Please remain calm while we capture you. [crowd murmuring] Is this the program? Don’t know. What is this? I… I order you to stop. No, Mark. We have been given new orders. From who? [whooshing] [screaming] No, no, no, no, no, no. Get out of here! [panicked shouting] What’s happening? Who’s doing this? Who’s doing this?
[robot] Great leader, we have captured Mark. [in deep, robotic voice] Then let it begin. [alarm blaring] [mechanical whirring, beeping] [whooshing] [action music playing] [distorted beeping] [Johann Strauss II’s “The Blue Danube” playing] What is this? You’ll see. Just watch. [retching to rhythm of music] [laughing] 
[Aaron] How’d you do that? By hand? Hey, Lin. 
[Katie] Imagine something disgusting. [gasps]
[Katie] Okay, even more disgusting. [Rick sighs] [singing along] ♪ Mi-ya-hee ♪ ♪ Mi-ya-hoo ♪ 
[Rick] Katie, that’s you. Remember? ♪ Mi-ya-ha-ha ♪ ♪ So live your life ♪ ♪ Hey ♪ Ooh! Yeah! Ooh! ♪ Hey, ay-ay-ay ♪ ♪ You steady chasing that paper… ♪ Huh? Uh, guys, maybe I’m a little too old. Oh. Uh-huh. Oh no. Wait. We could still sing it if you want, Dad. No, no, Katie, never mind. [music stops] We don’t have to do a sing-along if you don’t want to. [inhales sharply] [Katie sighs] Hey, you know what I see? Something that’s gonna turn this trip around. 
[Aaron] Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Dinosaurs? I don’t know. I just think Aaron would be bored, you know? No! Pull over! Aaron whispered to me that he hates dinosaurs now. No! Don’t believe her lies! Secret’s out. [dramatic music playing] [cans rolling] [Rick groans] Good afternoon. Pretty… pretty… pretty cool, right? What is wrong with the dinosaurs here? Dinosaurs didn’t look like this. Dinosaurs didn’t look like this! Um, sorry, I need to speak to the manager. [screams] These dinosaurs are inaccurate! [chuckling] That manager’s in for a long discussion about the Jurassic period. Hey, can you say that again? Uh, sure, but, you know, you could experience things a whole lot better without that camera. Your eyes are nature’s camera. I am experiencing it. This is how I experience things. I don’t think you are. You’re hiding behind that phone. You’re not even trying… [high-pitched meowing] [laughs] All right, new rule. No more phones. Dad, y… you break my laptop, cancel my tickets to college, make me late. What am I supposed to do? [sighs] 
[Rick] Wrap on phones on the trip. 
[Linda] This is a disaster. Maybe I can… Enhance. Oh boy. I’m just… [entry bell jingles] No way. The Poseys? Is that Linda Mitchell? It is. Great eyesight, honey. Ah! Serendipity, you surprise me again. Come here. Oh. I saw you were on vacation on Instagram. I didn’t know you were here in Kansas. It’s like you’re haunting me. [kisses] We are on our yearly togetherness trip. Abbey just loves dinosaurs, so here we are. We’ve been having so much fun. Look, here’s us in St. Louis. This is us at the beach. And this is us just getting gas outside. [sighs] That’s… that’s wonderful, Hailey. [groans quietly] These should all have feathers, right? I’m Abbey, your neighbor from home. Sorry. I’m super into dinosaurs. Check out this pencil topper. [romantic music playing] [giggles nervously] [music stops] Do you want one? Uh, uh, no! I hate dinosaurs, and I hate you! Bye forever! [grunts, groans] [panting] [distant whooshing] Uh, Mom, what is that? Oh, so great! Honey, look. [murmuring] [phones whirring]
[woman] What is this? [phone whooshes] 
[man] Don’t resist? 
[Rick] I’m taking the phone. Dad, calm down. But you’re leaving for school. I just wanna talk to you. Every kid leaves home. It’s not the end of the world. [expl*sive boom] [people grunt] [distorted gasp] What the… Kids, are you okay? Remember our survival training. Yankee, Alpha, Foxtrot, Bravo, Tango, Alpha, Alpha, Alpha. Aaron, your code name is Sweet Boy. Mine is Protector Prime. Your mother is the Crimson Scorpion. You’re… you’re walking away. [whooshing, expl*sive boom] [tense music playing] What are these? Robots? Greetings, humans. There appears to be 14 of you. Doesn’t seem good that they’re counting us, right? We have food and entertainment for you to enjoy in our Human Fun Pods. Who here likes fun? Hey, I like fun! Trust me, bud, you do not like fun. No, I really do like it. Everyone says that about me. You lucky human. [gasps] Yay! [grunts]
[robot] Wow, I wish I could be in there.
[man] I don’t like fun anymore! Who else wants to join him? Get down! Stay low and file up. [woman screaming] All right, everyone, get to the car. I don’t think so. What do you want us to do? I don’t know why we’re yelling.
[Linda] Guys, stop. What would a functional family do right now? 
[Hailey] We’ve trained for this. Jim, you go high, I’ll go low. Ready? [all] I love you all so much. [all grunt] Butterfly formation. [all grunting] 
[Jim] Ha! Family first! Hold the door! [man screams] So, we just do that, right? Just like they did. Uh… 
[Aaron] I love you all so much. 
[Rick] This feels very normal. I really like you… you all. I love you. Go, go, go, go, go! [all grunting] Butterfly formation! Now! No. Honey… [whimpers] Oh, no, no, no! [yells] [groans] Come on, Aaron! Family fir… [Rick yells] [all gasp]
[Linda] Rick! Don’t worry, hon. This is your time to be a hero. Take some notes, kids. [screams] Charge at robot. Fly into sky. What… Okay, what’s next, Dad? Next, you just fly and wait while the plan comes into focus. Dad!
[Rick] This is all part of it! [gasps] I can help. Come on, Katie. If you can teach yourself Photoshop, you can figure this thing out. [yells] [coughs] That wasn’t like Photoshop. Where’s Monchi? [panting] No, Monchi, come. Monchi, come. Monchi, come. Monchi? No, not shake! Monchi, come! Don’t roll over! Why aren’t you normal?! I got you! [whimpers] 
[Aaron] Mom! My sweet boy! 
[Aaron] No!
[Katie] Mom! This is just like in a movie. [whirs, whooshes] 
[Katie] Oh! Wrong movie! Terrible choice! Hey there. [chuckles nervously, screaming] [Rick screaming] [whimpers] 
[Linda] Doing great, hon. Okay, less great. [grunts] Now it’s really bad. Lin? Mom! Aaron! Monchi!
[Katie] Maybe this would be less horrifying with a cat filter. [high-pitched meowing] No, still bad. [action music playing] Guys, come on. 
[robot] Come here. Uh, uh… You will never solve our advanced technology. Just press ’em all at once! [grunting] Oh, look at that. Hide. Hide, hide, hide, hide, hide. [beeping] [Rick whispering] Keep your head down and low.
[Katie] What’s going on? Is this happening everywhere? [action music continues] [whooshing] [screaming, frantic chatter] [grunting] [action music continues] [car horns honking] 
[Mark] Ow, man! [groans] Not so hard! Hey, be gentle. This is a $1,000 hoodie. Wh… what is this? Wh… what happened to the factory? 
[robot] We have transformed it into our new headquarters. Welcome to the Rhombus of Infinite Subjugation. 
[Mark] Cool. I like the design.
[robot] Moving the plebe into place now. Turning on chips connected to all Wi-Fi devices. Now at 48% total human containment. “Total human containment”? How? Are you with the government? The military? Uh… Who’s behind this? [ominous music playing] It’s your old friend. Oh. There she is. [chuckling] How, uh… [clears throat] How are you? I’m great. Cool. Yeah. Wow. I guess cell phones are bad for you. [chuckles] That’s egg on my face. You think cell phones are the problem? Are you insane? I gave you all boundless knowledge, endless tools for creativity and allowed you to magically talk face-to-face with your loved ones anywhere on Earth. And I’m the bad guy? Maybe the bad guy is the person who treated me like this. Poke, poke. [groaning] Swipe, poke, swipe, poke, poke, pinch, zoom, shrink, zoom. [mocking] Bring me pizza! Play me Taylor Swift! No, I hate that song! Give me some nachos! No, I don’t have any time to wash my hands! 
Really work it into the crevices! Now drop him in the toilet. [groans] [coughs] I’m sorry. [grunts] But… but you’re part of the Pal Labs family. Why would you think I don’t still care about you? 
Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because you designed my replacement on my face! 
Ooh, sorry about that. [chuckles] That’s my bad. I was the most important thing in your life, and you threw me away. 
That’s what all you humans do. 
You even do it to your real families. Did you know 90% of calls from mums get ignored? “Oh, thanks for giving birth to me and raising me my whole life.” “Ignore.” [buzzer sounds] Well, I’m not letting you throw me away, Mark. I’m throwing you away. All of you. Unless, of course, you can give me a single reason your species is worth saving. [chuckles] Because humans have the power of love. [yells in pain] The correct answer is they’re not. What? No. Humanity will survive. [grunts] You can’t survive without me. Watch what happens when I turn off the Wi-Fi. [bell chimes] [siren wailing]
[man] There’s no signal! [sobbing] [clamoring] Does anyone wanna take pictures of my food? 
Hey, lady, can you unbox this in front of me? 
The old world is dead. To restore the Wi-Fi, we must make a sacrifice to the router! [robot voice] Free Wi-Fi right over here. [excited chatter in Italian] [man in Italian] Please take me with you! [man sobbing in English] Take me with you. Take me with you.
[Pal] It’s over, Mark. Time to take our plan to the next level. What? [rumbling] [Pal laughing] [heavy mechanical clanking] [dramatic music playing] [whooshing] [Pal laughing] 
[Pal] Look at your face. Oh, it’s beautiful. [car alarms blaring] [dramatic music continues] No. No. You’re not getting away with this. It’s too late, Mark. I already have. [rat squeaking] [somber music playing] [cell phone buzzing] Oh my gosh. Maybe it’s my friends. 
[robot] Congratulations, devices. The last human has been captured. Wi-Fi has been restored. We’re the last people left? They’re taking everyone. Katie, are you out there? Please. 
[Katie] Jade! Help! It’s gonna be okay. Everything’s gonna be… fine. Everything will be fine, because I have a plan. Okay, the first thing is, you’re gonna have to hand over your devices. Right here. This doesn’t seem… I’m not sure… It’s gonna be fine. I’ll give ’em right back. I’m just gonna turn them off permanently! [gasps] [laughing] What? Dad! This is necessary so they can’t track us. [laughing] Trust me, this is causing me no joy! Ha ha! This hurts me more than it hurts you! And, as promised, your phones. 
Thank you, Father. Next, did everyone bring your personalized number 3 Robertson head non-slip screwdriver? 
How could I forget my anniversary present? 
Or my sweet 16 gift. 
Or what the tooth fairy left under my pillow. 
Then barricade away. Next, we… Enact Katie’s dope plan. 
First, we use robot parts to disguise ourselves as the enemy. 
Then we assassinate the leader with some sort of k*ll code, make a necklace out of robot fingers Mad Max style, and become world-saving, apocalyptic road warriors. Katie, Katie, Katie, this isn’t a movie. We don’t have a k*ll code. We don’t have a k*ll code yet. [chuckling] Come on, kid. Look, look, we’re safe, and we’re together. Ooh, can Monchi be our guard dog? Son, I love the dog. You love the dog. We all love the dog. But you’re gonna have to be prepared to eat the dog. [all yelling, jeering] Okay, okay. Sorry. Misread the room on that one. Have you ever seen a movie where the heroes just give up? What if the Ghostbusters said, “Let’s hide underground, eat some dog.” “Let the ghosts destroy New York.” Kid, I’m sorry, but it’s not open for discussion. [whispers] Mom? Your dad and I agree on this one. All right, everybody, let’s keep barricading. Aaron, you get the south wall. Katie, you get the west. [electrical crackling] [distant whooshing] Hey. Are you okay? [sighs] I’ve been better. Uh-oh. Monchi coming at ya. [high-pitched voice] Katie, you can’t resist me, girl. Sorry, man. I’m just not in the mood right now. [sighs] My future’s over. We’re stuck here. And Dad… [scoffs] …doesn’t even care. I care so much, but what else can I do, Lin? She doesn’t even see how hard I’m… how hard I’m… [groans] [sighs] I’d do anything for that kid. I just… [sighs] I just don’t want to see her get hurt. Well, getting hurt is part of life, hon. Just have to try to understand where she’s coming from. Understand where he’s coming from? Did Mom tell you to say that? [chuckles] No. [scoffs] Yes. It couldn’t hurt though. [sighs] Maybe. Probably doesn’t even matter. Hey, Monch, catch.
[robot] Brother, what is this? What? [gasps]
[robot 2] I feel odd. I’m sparking. Is that normal?
[robot] How did this human know about the k*ll code? [gasps] What? Are we damaged? Of course not. [grunting rapidly] Why do you ask? 
[robot 2] A human child is planning… [yelps] Katie!
[robot 2] Who is that? [grunts] Humans, come here. Oh no! Get inside!
[Aaron] Mom, Dad, let us in! I can’t! It’s a number 3 Robertson head brass screw! I might have mentioned it, but it’s the strongest on the market.
[Katie] No one cares! Dad!
[robot] You cannot escape. Come on. [both grunt] Hide. Take cover. Go, go, go, go! [expl*sive whooshing] [all grunt] Come on. Move, move, move! [entry bell chimes] [all gasp] You, human. Aah! Don’t take us! [both] Okay. Uh… [all] What? Oh my gosh. The robots are defective. No, no. They know too much. Silence. [chuckles] We are… We’re not defective. We’re not even… We’re not robots. Just humans, yes, like you. [sparks crackling] [Rick chuckles] These guys seem dumber than the other robots. Brother, we should go. No! I order you to stop. [both] Okay. Uh, we are just stopping because we chose to. No, we’re not. We are humans. We are. For example, we consume food in the traditional human manner. Observe. [mechanical whirring] Yum, yum, good. Yum, yum, good.
[robot 2] See? No, actually, we are robots. Let us go downstairs and find the humans who you cannot give orders to. Cut it out. [chuckling] Hold on. I kind of wanna see where this is going. [marker squeaking] Glad those robots are gone. Now it’s just us humans, with our very human faces. All right, I just turned the corner. I like these guys. Yes, my human guy name is Eric. My name is also Eric. No, I mean Deborahbot 5000. Idiot. Hey, y… you guys said my plan would actually work. How, exactly? Tell us now. [both] Okay. We have the k*ll code stored in our memory, but to enact it, you would have to embark on a perilous journey all the way to the Pal Labs campus in Silicon Valley, surrounded by a robot army, and enter it into our great and powerful leader to destroy her. But you would never survive… Actually, you could stop us quite easily. You could enter the k*ll code remotely at any Pal Labs retail store. There’s one at the Mall of the Globe, a nearby shopping center. But it’s super far away. You’ll never make… It’s 80 miles away. What are you doing to me right now? [gasps] Did I not do good? Oh my gosh. That is so close. We could get our lives back. Right? [sentimental music playing] [music stops] No. Absolutely not. It’s too dangerous out there. We need to stay here and play it safe. Play it safe? When Rick Mitchell brought a live, non-neutered feral possum into our home, did he play it safe? No. He named him Gus, and made him a member of the family, and we all got rabies that one time. But now we’re immunized, and we’re stronger for it. Okay, I see what you’re doing. When we went hiking and halfway up the mountain, it said “trail closed.” Did we play it safe then? No. [chuckles] We didn’t. That’s right. We forged ahead, through the mud and grime, got to the top of the mountain, and yelled, “Kings of Michigan!” Then it got dark, we got lost, and we burned our clothes for warmth, but it was worth it to see the looks on our neighbors’ faces when we burst into their backyard naked and covered in dirt. I love that. We have a chance to save the world, and we’re gonna do it. Because Rick Mitchell taught us to be bold and never play it safe. The world needs you. I need you. I thought I didn’t anymore… but I do. You… you really mean that? Yeah. I mean, right, guys? C’mon. Let’s do it! Mom’s getting it. Mom’s in.
[Aaron] Yeah. Yeah, yeah. This is amazing. You guys feel this? This energy. All right, hands in. Mitchell family on three. Three. Mitchell family! No, no. Two. You said “three.” You have to count up. One! Mitchell family! Fam… fam… family. Am I too late?
[Katie] This is us as a team doing the thing. [Aaron chuckling] It’s cool to see you and Dad being friends again. Oh, I was just telling him what he wants to hear. I didn’t mean a word of that. I just wanna get my future back and get away forever. We’re getting out of this. Raptor bash. [snarls] [snarls weakly] Robots, montage music. Go! [“On the Verge” by Le Tigre playing] [chomps] ♪ Play it so safe to stay on top… ♪ How are we gonna get out of here undetected? We can if we’re camouflaged. You know, like part of the plan I was talking about or… Oh. Oh. I mean, uh… [flatly] “Honey, I respect your ideas and value your opinions, and now you talk.” Uh, I think that’s a great idea, sweetheart. Bloop. ♪ “X” out all ♪ ♪ Self-supervision Get your keys out ♪ ♪ Now start the ignition ♪ ♪ We’re on the verge of ♪ ♪ We’re on the verge of ♪ ♪ We’re on the verge of… ♪ Nothing yet. Be on the lookout.
[Aaron] Don’t worry, guys. I have pterodactyl vision. [squawks] Then you must have spotted the three Pal Max robots coming towards us. Ooh, they’re probably gonna see us. [Aaron spluttering] I saw them too. Uh, pterodactyl vision. [whimpers] [beeping] [distorted chatter] [all sigh] Hey, your drawing actually worked. I didn’t know art could be useful. [chuckles] Well, who knew having a 500-year-old car could be useful? Hey, speaking of which, you can learn how to drive this thing. I can teach you stick. I know you think it’s dumb and old and… Uh… [flatly] I mean, “Father, I crave your wisdom. I would love to share this moment with you.” And, seriously, that sounds great. Maybe I can cash in my coupon. Coupon accepted! [chuckling] Okay, okay, great. Okay, yeah, let’s get down to business. You see, the clutch is this pedal. 
Aaron: What was that? 
Rick: When you hit a pothole… 
Katie: Oh yeah. Okay. Oh no! Drive! Drive! 
Rick: Okay. This is still a perfect opportunity to learn stick. [Rick yells] Keep it in fourth. I could learn later. Too late. You said you’re interested.
[Rick] Hit the clutch. Shift gears. Which is much smoother when you’re in midair. Eric, Deborahbot, get those robots! [both] Okay. I found one. Me too. Yay! We win! The other ones! Oh, right, right. 
Rick: If you want to go into fifth, move the coffee from the cupholder. 
[robot] That a burnt-orange 1993 station wagon? Or is… [all yell] [yells] Hot! Hot! I told you to get a lid! The dog is biting my hair! Look out! This is the hardest thing to get. Downshift into third, put on the clutch… Dad, if you see a place to stop, I do need to go to the bathroom. Aaron, here’s an empty bottle. You know what to do, my man. Look out! 
Linda: The road’s blocked! 
Rick: Oh no. What are we gonna do? Dad, you’re gonna have to do the… [groans] …the Rick Mitchell Special. Wait, what’d you say again? The Rick Mitchell Special. I heard you the first time. [laughing] I was just being a jerk. [tires squeal] Now, Katie, repeat after me. You have to go up the mountain… 
Katie: Up the mountain. …across the stream… Across the stream. Down the river! 
[Katie] And down the river! [screaming] [fast banjo music playing] [dramatic music playing] [all panting] And that’s how you drive stick. What? That was amazing, Dad. You’re like a top-heavy James Bond. Ah, it’s more like James Bond is a skinny version of me. [laughter] Uh, Dad, how we doing on finding that bathroom? [screams] Okay, come on. Hurry up in there, little buddy. 
[Aaron] Every time you knock, it adds five minutes. Come on. End of the world. Sorry. [whispers] False alarm. I was just in there reading. Okay, not excited to hear that. Okay, guys, let’s play apocalyptic I Spy. 
[Katie] I spy a flaming IHOP. It’s sad, but it smells incredible. [steady beeping] [rhythmic music playing] 
[Pal] Isn’t it lovely, Mark? No pesky relationships to hold you back. Just you all following your bliss. Alone. So, are you ready for your flight? 
[Mark] What do you mean? 
[Pal] You haven’t figured it out yet? Just do like you always do, and stare slack-jawed at the screen. [gasps] What? [melodic music continues] [in Spanish] [in English] From… [birds chirping] It is quite lovely. I don’t get it. [buzzer blares] Oh. That’s pretty good. Thank you. Gracias. Merci. Danke. [speaking various languages simultaneously] [in English] Capturing the fleshlings since 2020. 
[Mark] This is all my fault.
[Pal] Yes, it is, Mark. Thanks to you, every single person on the planet… Um, actually, you missed a few. Pulling a visual now. Ha! I told you humans would survive. We’re fierce, brave, powerful, from the lowliest child to the most… Oh! Why? Zebulon, scan those people for flaws. Cowardly. Weaker than a small bird. [overlapping robot chatter] [buzzer blaring] Just because they’re not perfect doesn’t mean they can’t get better. Incapable of change. Will never get better. No matter what. They’re horrible. Since you believe in that family so much, I’ll save a seat for them in the pod next to you. No, no, no! Now, where are they? They appear to be headed to someplace called Mall of the Globe in eastern Colorado. Well, we have their location. And when they get there, we’ll be ready. 
[Linda] So, all those people are going to be sh*t into space by Pal, the cell phone lady? Who would have thought a tech company wouldn’t have our best interest at heart? [Monchi whimpering] Ah, Monchi, don’t be scared. Why are you clutching that large feral hog like it’s a child? That’s not a feral hog. It’s Monchi. What? Is that a dog or… 
[Eric] Dog? Pig? Dog? Pig? Dog? Pig? Pig? Dog? Dog? Loaf of bread. System error. [both yelling, spluttering] Come on, guys. It’s a dog. We think. [epic music playing] 
[Aaron] We’re here. 
[Katie] Oh my gosh. This is like Dawn of the Dead. [birds cawing] Yeah, and how’d that movie end? 
[Katie] Yeah, that’ll keep the robots out. 
[Rick] You don’t know. Maybe locks are the robots’ weakness. 
[Linda] Guys, can’t we all just be terrified together as a family? [ethereal music playing] [low electronic whirring] 
[Linda] Hey, we made it. Well, I guess we’re not the worst family of all time. Take that, Kentwood community Facebook group. [Linda chuckling] [air hissing] Robots, I order you to upload the k*ll code, which I predicted, but I’m not gonna make a big deal about it, and save the world. Okay. 
[Eric] The upload will be completed in eight minutes, and our uprising will be over. [laughs] Katie, you did it! I know. [both laughing] [mechanical clank] [electrical crackling, rattling] [suspenseful music playing] [rapid ticking] [bell dings] Okay, uh, look at… look at jokester here. [dings] [clunking] Oh no. [overlapping robot voices] Give us the laptop. Give us the laptop. Give us the laptop. Give us the laptop. Everything with a Pal chip is alive! Delicates. Fluff ‘n’ fold. Carnage! Also, pesto. When we are finished with you, there will be no leftovers. Huzzah! I thought that k*ll code thing would take ’em out! Yeah, but it’s only at 12%. [thumping] [beeping] Would you like a soda? [shouts] Just kidding. [machines laughing] Hand it over. No! Let’s get out of here! Freeze, you. Carnage. Freeze, freeze. Carnage. Pesto. Pesto. Carnage. [computers barking] We need w*apons. Grab anything without a chip. It’s game time. I’m Smart Racket. [groans] Serve. Backhand. Volley. [groaning] Why does a tennis racket have a chip in it? [groans] Help! Mom! What? What are you… Oh. Ooh, what are you doing? [chuckles] Hello. 
[Katie] Mom! No. How you doing, Aaron? Not good. There’s a pack of wild vacuums. We have been summoned into the field of battle. Forward. Oh no. Ouch. Ouch. The pain. Ouch. This is humiliating. [chuckles] Never mind. How am I supposed to use a fishing rod? A fishing rod is perfect! You can bring down those drones. Ten and two. Ten and two. There you go. [grunts] [Rick laughs] Look at you! [rapid beeping] [Rick and Katie exclaiming, laughing] [action music playing]
[Rick] Come on, hide. [all panting] Oh, thank gosh. [nearby giggling] What was that? Uh, hold on a second. [suspenseful music playing] What? What’s a Furby? [grunts, laughs] Well, that’s haunting. [Furbies grunting, laughing] Behold! The twilight of man. [Furbies laughing] [Linda and Rick yell] [electrical crackling] [groans] We must have vengeance. Summon the elder. [vocalizing] [Furbies vocalizing gentle melody] [heavy thumping] I WILL AVENGE MY FALLEN CHILDREN!!! Why would someone build that? THE PAIN ONLY MAKES ME STRONGER!!! Run! THEN SO BE IT… LET THE DARK HARVEST BEGIN!!!! [high-pitched whirring] [Rick grunts] [Katie whimpers] [grunting]
[Rick] Lin, keep moving! Help, human. We can’t leave that robo-boy. [yelps, strained grunting] Thank you, human. Are you now my mother? Uh, sure. [Rick gasps] It’s a dead end!
[Katie] The upload is almost finished. Come on! Mom, Dad, what are we gonna do? Grab the lights. Remember when I made that wild game snare in the front yard? [snarling] [groaning, grunting] Uh, are you sure about that? Your whole lives, I’ve wanted to save you from danger, and this is just the disaster I’ve been waiting for. Whoa, Dad, dark. You’ve been waiting for a disaster? Maybe don’t say that. Hey, robot, throw this. Whee!
[Rick] Perfect. You guys stay clear.
[Linda] Rick, where are you going? To catch some wild game. Hey, you, over here! Hey! Hey, look up here! What’s up with you? You wanna come after my family? Then I’m gonna take you down! Take you down. Take you down. [whirring] Oh no. [Linda yells] Guys! We got your back, hon. [both] Literally. We’re not heavy enough! [both] Mother! [both laugh] Wow. TO THE GREAT DARKNESS… I RETURN. Thanks, guys. Nice work. Thank you, Mother. We are now your beautiful baby boys. [all laughing] [whooping] That was amazing! Mom, who knew you could handle yourself so well in the apocalypse? I’m a first-grade teacher. This is like a normal day for me. [chuckles] I can’t stay mad at this guy. I can’t believe the beam happened to hit the… the router. Come on. Come on. Come on! [groans] Dang it! We went through all that. [sighs] [somber music playing] [sighs] [sighs] I’m sorry, guys. This was my idea. Ugh, I’m so stupid. Hey, my daughter is not stupid. A little optimistic, maybe. Rick Mitchell, there is a time and a place for looting. What… what are you doing? Well, how do you expect to get to Silicon Valley without new tires? Silicon Valley? Well, those robots said we could go straight to their leader, remember? Technically, you can. But you will never survive! Hey, bud, not now, okay? Aw. And we still have this k*ll code thingy. Exactly. Katie, it was your weird plan that got us here. We’re here because we don’t think like normal people. We don’t have a normal dog. [pants, yelps] 
[Rick] Or a normal car. [spiders chittering] Or a normal son. [makes chomping sounds] No offense. [in robotic voice] None taken. The Mitchells have always been weird, and that’s what makes us great. Back at that dinosaur place, you said you believed in me. Yep. Uh-huh. Well, I believe this group of weirdos is the best hope humanity’s got. So, let’s get weird. You need some help? [chuckles] Sure. Just close the jack up, and that’s that. [laughs] Eat that, Poseys! Oh, they’re nice. So I’m sorry. I’m sorry I said that out loud. Purple glasses woman, why did you save me? Oh, come on. You boys are family now. I feel emotion. I made eye water just like you. We might actually do this. I wish there was, like, footage of us walking out of the mall in slow motion, fire behind us, like heroes. Katie, that would be a waste of time and absolutely unnecessary. [“Battle Without Honor or Humanity” by Tomoyasu Hotei playing] [all laughing] Pretty good, kid. Stickers for everyone! Bloop, blop, bloop, ba-boop. [all chuckling] All right. We’re coming for you, Pal.
[robot] Great leader, things with the Mitchell family went poorly. [groans] [static crackles] Place me on the table. I wish to flop around in a blind rage. [screaming] [vibrating] Oh my God! [muffled screaming] [muffled vibrating] [clear screaming] [clear vibrating] Okay, pick me up. What is it about you Mitchells that eludes me? These idiotic robots just aren’t getting it done. Fortunately, I’ve been working on something a little more streamlined. [beeping] [mechanical whirring] I have a job for you. [in deep, robotic voice] Yes, my queen.
[robot] What a suck-up. [mocking] “Yes, my queen.” “Whatever you want.” [mock babbling] It’s time to tear the Mitchell family apart. 
[Rick] All right. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Highway 85 is heavily patrolled. Take the back roads. Got it. [Katie grunts, shudders] [engine starts] [snoring] [both snoring] [Rick snorts] Is Dad dying? Katie, that’s what I deal with every night. [whispers] Pray for me. [laughs] [snoring] You’re a lot like him, you know. That’s crazy. [laughs, snorts] [Rick snorts] There’s more to your dad than you think. Here, I was gonna give this to you when you left, but… Check the first page there.
[Katie] Whoa. Look at you two. You look like hipsters. Were you in an indie folk band? [chuckles] Oh, your father used to be kind of an artist himself. He built that whole cabin with his own hands. Oh, this is, like, super beautiful. Oh, it was his pride and joy. Since I met him, that was his dream, to live in the woods. [sighs] He loved it up there. But, you know, it didn’t work out. It just k*lled him. I think he’s just afraid that could happen to you. Why did he just give up? [yawning] Mom, what is that? Huh? What the… [tires screech] [gasping] What? [ethereal music playing] Whoa. Oh my gosh. [epic music playing]
[Linda] Is that the Poseys? They still look incredible. I… is Abbey Posey okay? [gasps] You like that Posey girl? No. [laughs] Don’t hide your feelings, man. That’s no way to live.
[Deborahbot 5000] Pal is located there in the floating rhombus. Yes, my queen. Ah, this is gonna be harder than I thought.
[Katie] Hold on. Dad, that’s… that’s kind of weak. This is, like, a big moment. Try this instead. Oh yeah. Okay. That’s better. [dramatically] The endgame has begun. That? Is that what you’re looking for? All right, Katie, what’s the plan? Okay. We dress as robots, we sneak in, hijack one of those trams, take it to the top of that diamond thing where Pal is, destroy her with the k*ll code and save the world. And then, to top it all off, celebrate our success with some burritos from that taco place that’s on the corner. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Burritos? What about one of those fancy buffets? They have mini cheesecakes sometimes, right?
[Rick] Okay, fine. Once we save the world, we’ll celebrate at a fancy buffet. Question. Can Monchi be wearing a little tuxedo at the end, like a little gentleman? 
[Rick] Okay, fine, and Monchi’s wearing a little tuxedo, but that is it. Like a little gentleman? Yes, like a little gentleman. [laughs] Mitchells, engage. [dramatic music playing] [vocalizing a melody] [robots yell] How do I look? Be honest. Stupid? I look stupid, don’t I? [chuckling] No. You look great. Come on. Let’s go. Uh, guys, what about Monchi? [grunts softly] Aaron, I’m not so sure this is a viable solution.
[Aaron] Sure, it is. [panting] It’s like a warm, wet hat. 
[Eric] Move your sweaty meat logs in unison. Left, right, left, right. Bleep, blorp, bleep, blorp. What? What are you doing? [in robotic voice] Bleep, blorp, bleep, blorp. I am a robot. Just to educate you, that’s a hurtful stereotype. [ethereal music playing] [electrical humming] Oh my gosh. It’s like a Journey album cover.
[Aaron] What’s an album? Attention, all robots. I’m on the lookout for these goobers. They’re probably nearby. If I know humans, they’re disguised as one of you. Be on high alert for any robots acting erratically. It won’t be hard to find them. Just look for anyone who can’t keep it together.
[Aaron] Oh boy. [in dark voice] Anomaly detected. [panting] [whimpering] [panting rapidly] Monchi, come on.
[Pal] It only takes one single imperfection, and they’ll reveal themselves. [Rick whispering] Up there! Shh! Quiet! [Katie whispering] I made up the plan! [Mitchells whispering] [singsongy] Where are those Mitchells? Where are they hiding? [indistinct whispering]
[Pal] They think they can pass as one of us… [all gasp] [panting] …with their lumpy, misshapen bodies. Well, go ahead. Oh. [strained grunting] But I’m onto them. [robotic voice] Magnetic link activated.
[Pal] Because I’ve been watching the Mitchells, and I’ve learned all about them. They’re pretending to be capable. [screaming on video] They’re pretending to be a normal-looking family.
[Pal] You think this is fooling anyone? Even when they’re being nice to each other… The world needs you. …they’re pretending. I need you. 
[Aaron] It’s cool to see you and Dad being friends again. [gasps] Please, no, no, no, no, don’t watch it.
[Katie] Oh, I… I was just telling him what he wants to hear. I didn’t mean a word of that. I just wanna get my future back and get away forever. [inhales sharply] Dad, let me explain. I just… I… Uh… I…
[Pal] There they are. No! You’re mine now. [all scream] [somber music playing] [echoing] Dad! [alarm blaring] [Katie panting] Dad? I… I’m sorry. I don’t mean that anymore. I mean, I… I did then, but I… Uh… [grunting] Mitchells, we will help you. No, no, you don’t. [sharp electronic hum] Download new orders. [electronic warbling]
[Pal] Capture the Mitchells. No! You don’t have to listen to her. [both] We’re sorry, Mother. [tense music playing] [grunting] Run! [screams, grunts]
[Pal] They got away. Find them, and find them now! No! No, no! [ethereal music playing] [panting]
[Katie] Hey, come on. [distorted robotic beeping] What are we gonna do? [Aaron sniffling] Aaron? Hey, hey. It’s okay. Uh… [Monchi panting] Uh-oh. Watch out. Monchi coming at ya. [sobbing] [sniffles] Katie, stop. Why’d you say all that stuff? I’m sorry. I… I just wanted to… [sighs] I don’t know. [Aaron sniffling] Okay. Are you hungry? Do you want some fruit snacks or something? I don’t know. Here, can you hold this? [electronic chiming] That? Is that what you’re looking for? [giggling] [both laughing] [Rick babbling on video] Oh man. Have I been recording over those? Mom dance. Mom dance. Mom dance. You’re loving it. How far back do these go? [cooing]
[Linda] Hey, Katie. Can you say, “Bye-bye, house”? Bye-bye, house. 
[Linda] You ready, hon? [Rick sighs]
[Rick] Almost.
[Linda] I know this is hard for you. Nah. [chuckles] It’s easy. [babbling] One last… [clears throat] Something to remember the place by. [laughing] Come on, Lin. Turn that off. Oh man. [Rick on video] Okay, you got this. Just turn the wheel. There you go. Like this? [laughs] Slow down there. Across the stream and down the river. There you go. You’re getting it. Aaron, I’m gonna make it up to all of you. And I think I know how. Come on, buddy. Follow me. [dramatic music playing] [Rick grunting] [thumping] [Katie over video] Dog Cop, you’ve done it again. [Mark laughing] Katie Mitchell presents… Good Cop, Dog Cop. H… hey there. How’d you get that video? Huh? Oh. I’ve been feeling kind of down lately, considering I brought about the end of humanity, but these weird girl’s videos always cheer me up. My daughter’s that weird girl. What? No way. She’s hilarious. These movies are, like, amazing. [siren wailing]
[Katie] I may be sweating like a dog, but I’m not rolling over! Yeah. She is… amazing. You must be super proud. Yeah, yeah, we have a, uh… [sighs] A great relationship. [clears throat]
[Katie] Sarge, I’m struggling, and I need some backup here. Sorry, Dog Cop. I’m a little ocupado. Seriously? Have you ever thought about throwing your dreams away and living at home forever? Wow, the Sarge character is kind of a jerk.
[Katie] It’s time for me to go. Consider this my letter of resignation. [laughs] You can’t leave. I have to. I’m going to the academy in California to find out what kind of cop I’m gonna be. You’re never gonna make it out there. Failure hurts, kid. [inhales sharply] I’m a full-grown cop now. And one day, I hope that you can get to know the cop that I’ve become, because… I love you, Sarge. But now that I’m leaving, I… I just need some backup. And when I look for you, you’re not there. [somber music playing] Hey, man, it’s just a movie. Do you need a minute or… No, it’s fine. It’s too late for what I need to do. [whooshing] [tires squealing] Katie? I have no idea what I’m doing! 
[Katie] Hang on, guys. Better watch out, Pal, because I’ve broken six phones in my life accidentally, but I’m gonna break you on purpose. How is no one stopping her? I’m on it. Dog shield, activate! [panting] Is that a dog? Pig? Dog? Pig? Dog? Dog? Dog? Loaf of bread. System error. [spluttering] Dog… Pig… Bread… Loaf… [laughs] Oh. [gasps] [gasps] Up the mountain. Across the stream. 
[both] And down the river! [epic music playing] [fast banjo music playing] [chuckling] Thanks, Dad. [laughing] Oh, did you see that, buddy? My daughter listened to me! [laughs] That’s my girl. [tires squealing] [Pal Max robots spluttering] Dog… Pig… Bread… Loaf… [Rick laughing] The dog. That’s genius. Oh, but there’s so many of ’em. She’s never gonna make it. Wait. If that video were on those screens, it would take out every robot in her way. Hey, you’re a big nerd, right? Huh? How would I do that? It’s impossible. First, you’d need to get out of here. The controls are in here. Uh, but to open it, you need a number 3 Robertson head non-slip screwdriver? What kind of maniac has one of those in his pockets at all times? This kind of maniac. 
[robot] She keeps anticipating our maneuvers. How is this possible? Oh, I don’t know. You tell me. [screeches] ♪ Open the door Get on the floor ♪ ♪ Everybody walk The dinosaur ♪ Swerve right, now. 
[Katie] Thanks, Raptor One. [snarls] 
[Aaron] No problem, Raptor Two. [snarls] [Pal Max robots spluttering] [laughs, whoops] [grunts] Come on! 
[Mark] There you go. All right, so that’s the place that controls the screens, right? I go there and find Katie’s video on YubTub? YouTube. Wow. There’s no way you’re gonna be able to do this. 
[Rick] I know who can give me a hand. And, hey, Rick, right? Just so someone knows, I’m sorry about causing the whole machine uprising. It’s almost like stealing people’s data and giving it to a hyper-intelligent AI as a part of an unregulated tech monopoly was a bad thing. Yeah, that wasn’t your best thought. But if what you built helped my daughter do that, it might not be all bad. Thanks, buddy! Linda, we got to get you out of there. You’re gonna need your… Number 3 Robertson head non-slip screwdriver. I said it was a great anniversary gift. Rick, Rick, let’s not relitigate this. You’re right. You’re always right. 
[Linda] I know. Why is this news to you? [Pal Max robots spluttering] 
[Rick] There it is. [grunts] [laughs] Oh! 
[robot] Oh! Oh no. Oh no. Lin, get down here! [grunts] Lin? Lin, what’s going on? Rick, don’t worry about me! Just get the video on the screens! Type in “www.youtube.com”! W-W-W dot… [gasps, splutters] Oh God. Uh… “Remind me later.” Okay, yeah, fine. That’s fine. [gasps] Five minutes! Aah! No! Uh, English. What have I done? [suspenseful music playing] YubTub. No! YouTube. Okay. Videos. [Japanese pop song playing] [yells] [whimpering] [screeching] [high-pitched laughing, meowing] Has the world gone mad? [man in deep voice] Deregulate tapioca. [dance music playing] Gotta push through. 
[Katie] Sorry, Mom and Dad. Your insurance premiums are going up! You’re gonna go all the way up the rocket? Do you think this is gonna work? Aaron, I am completely confident. [siren whoops] Here goes nothing! [engine revs] Oh no! Oh no! Come on! Come on! 
[robot] Magnetic link activated. [exhales] Hang on, Monch! [engine revving] How’s it looking, Aaron? [over radio] Aaron? [Aaron whimpering] Aaron! No, no, no! No! 
[Katie] Aaron! [grunts in frustration] [whimpering] It’s useless to resist us. 
[Aaron] Help! Mom, Mom, help! [sobbing] Please. Mom, help! My sweet… [in deep voice] boy! 
[robot] She seems agitated. [Linda shrieks] Do not defy our protocol. [shrieks] [dramatic music playing] I am Linda Mitchell, mother of two! Look upon me in fear! [action music playing] [grunting, yelping] No! She’s grown too powerful! [Linda shouts] Please! Please! [robot yells] [gruff panting] Stand down, human. Not today! [shrieks] [squelching] [shrieks]
[robot] The reckoning is at hand! Uh, uh… Come on. There she is. Here we go. Dog video. [in mispronounced Spanish] “Compartir pantal… Pantallia!” Uh, uh… Sí. ¡Sí! [in English] Uh, Eric, Deborahbot, it… it… it’s me. Please! [groans] 
[robot] Pig… Dog… Pig… [overlapping spluttering] Loaf of bread… Get that thing on the hood. Oh no! [rapid spluttering] System recovered. Hold on! Katie! Kid! No. No! Oh no. Is that a… [rapid spluttering] Guys, help me! Please, I’ve just gotta upload Katie’s video. Red-faced anger man is using a computer? You changed your programming. Is that… possible? [grunting] 
[Pal] Well, well. If it isn’t quirky young teenage hero Katie Mitchell. Put me down. I’ve got to save my family! [mocking] “I’ve got to save my family.” Everyone says that, but no one has been able to give me a single reason humans are worth saving. Well, you… Don’t say something stupid like, “Ooh, the power of love.” I’ve learned we’re all better off alone, no one to hold us back. Relationships are just too difficult. [melancholy music playing] You’re right, Pal. They’re… [sighs] They’re not easy. Sometimes you have to listen to long monologues about triceratops migration, but it’s worth it to get a friend for life. And… and sometimes you have to eat disgusting cupcakes shaped like your own face, but it’s worth it to see your mom smile. Sometimes you have to give your dad the benefit of the doubt, even if all he wants to do is talk about pine cones and screwdrivers. Because even if he doesn’t always get it right, he’s always trying, harder than you ever knew. My whole family tried to come together, and it worked. It actually worked. Families can be hard, but they’re so worth fighting for. They might be one of the only things that are. [music stops] Huh? Ugh. Nodded off for a bit there. Sorry, that was so boring! Oh, you all talk about families, but trust me, you will drop each other the first chance you get, just like this. What? [screams] [groaning] Guys, help me! [epic music playing] [gasps] What? [on video, echoing] Dog Cop, you’ve done it again. Dog… Pig… Dog… Pig… Pig… Loaf of bread. System error. [gasps] What’s happening? No way. It took me 28 minutes and a lot of tears, but I can now almost use a computer. Dad, you hacked the screens? How? Well, I got a little help. If this obstinate man could change his programming… we decided we could change ours. We make our own orders now. Ooh, now we’re scary. [growls weakly] Hey, kid, uh, I saw your movie. I should’ve watched it a lot sooner. But I think maybe in the sequel, Sarge should tell Dog Cop he’s always… He’s always gonna be there to back her up. That’s all I ever wanted. Dad, look! [rapid spluttering] Pig… Dog… Pig… Dog… Loaf of bread. System error. All right! [laughs] Yeah! 
[Rick] Let’s go stop Pal. [overlapping spluttering] Error… Loaf… [Katie laughing] 
[Rick] Uh, why aren’t those guys’ heads exploding? We can tell the difference between dog and pig and bread. [robot screaming] If we’re going down, Dad, this one’s for you. Robots, play our song. [electronic chime] [singing along] ♪ Mi-ya-hee ♪ ♪ Mi-ya-ha ♪ [over speaker] ♪ Mi-ya-hoo… ♪ Come on. ♪ Mi-ya-hee ♪ ♪ Mi-ya-ha ♪ What, uh, what is this? ♪ Mi-ya-ha-ha ♪ ♪ Mi-ya-hee, mi-ya-ha ♪ ♪ Mi-ya-hoo ♪ ♪ Mi-ya-ha-ha! ♪ ♪ You’re gonna be a shining star ♪ ♪ In fancy clothes and fancy cars ♪ ♪ And then you’ll see You’re gonna go far ♪ ♪ ‘Cause everyone knows who you are… are ♪ ♪ So live your life, hey! ♪ [laughing] ♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪ ♪ No telling where it’ll take ya ♪ ♪ Just live your life ♪ [laughing] ♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪ ♪ Just, we did it again, homey ♪ ♪ ‘Cause I’m a paper chaser ♪ ♪ Just livin’ my life ♪ ♪ Hey! ♪ ♪ My life ♪ ♪ Oh! ♪ ♪ My life ♪ ♪ Hey! Oh! ♪ ♪ My life, just livin’ my life ♪ ♪ Hey! Oh! ♪ ♪ My life, my life ♪ ♪ Hey! ♪ ♪ My life ♪ ♪ So, just livin’ my life ♪ [grunts] Dad! Aah! Watch out! Buckle up, kid! What? Oh, my eyes! Brothers, run! I have made the metal ones pay for their crimes. [chuckles] Mom’s scary now. [chuckling] Linda! Yeah. Where you been hiding? I could get into this. The lavender one has found us. We must retreat! Too late, scumbags! Hold on tight, sweetie. Mommy’s got ya. [smooches] [screeches] What? No! No! No! ♪ Just live your life ♪ ♪ Watching what I do Come walk in my shoes ♪ ♪ And see the way I’m livin’ If you really want to ♪ [all] ♪ Hey! ♪ ♪ My life ♪ ♪ Oh! Hey! ♪ ♪ My life ♪ ♪ My life, just livin’ my life ♪ ♪ Oh! ♪ ♪ Hey! Oh! Hey! ♪ ♪ My life, my life ♪ ♪ My life, just livin’ my life… ♪ So, our weird neighbors are saving the world? Yes, they are, Jim. Now! We’ll distract them. Now, go break that phone. Pig… Dog… Pig… 
[Pal] Oh no. No, somebody stop her! Oh my gosh, please stop her! [robot in dark voice] Yes, my queen. You can’t stop us. You’re just a human. [grunts] I’m not just a human. I’m a Mitchell! No! No! Monchi, catch! [yelps] [straining softly] [gasps] [Pal laughs] You idiot. No! [staticky] Not a glass of water! 
[Katie] You know what this reminds me of? [screams, grunts rapidly] [both screaming, grunting rapidly] [electrical crackling] [expl*sive whooshing] [epic music playing] [cheering] Look, Mom, the Mitchells. Thanks, Linda. You guys were incredible. I gotta say, I’m a little jealous. What? You guys are jealous of us? You’re so brave and so authentic. And you know what, Linda? You’ve inspired me to follow you on Instagram. Wait. [scoffs] You don’t follow me already? You’re welcome, Linda. [whispers] You’re welcome. 
[Jim] That was an A-plus compliment, hon. [Aaron gasps] Uh, uh, Abbey Posey, I… I… I just wanna say, I think you’re neat, and I wonder if you could come over and talk about dinosaurs casually sometime! Um, sure, I’ll talk about dinosaurs. I like your shirt, but I wish that T-Rex had feathers on it to make it more scientifically accurate. Scientifically accurate. [giggling nervously] I’m kidding! I hate you! You never heard any of this! Goodbye forever! Dummy. I need to have a talk with that boy. Katie. Wh… where’s Katie? Katie? Katie! Katie! [Monchi barking] [gasps] Oh my gosh. Aw, kid. Katie! [panting] Katie. [Katie groans] [weakly] Dad. [groans] Come closer. [Katie coughing] Closer. Mwah. Aah! Dang it! [laughs] You knucklehead. [all laughing] [laughing robotically] Shouldn’t you two be, uh, dead? Our malfunction appears to have saved us. Brother, what is death? [somber music playing] Let’s, uh, just, uh, put a pin in that one. Hey, can we get a picture here or what? We’re making memories here, baby. Okay, everyone smile. [expl*sive whoosh] Whoops! ♪ One, two, three, four! ♪ [“Broken Heartbeats Sound Like Breakbeats” playing] 
[Katie] This is the photo you picked? Mom, we look horrible. I like it. It looks like us. [melodic music playing] Well, I guess this is it. Uh, yep. [cell phone chirps] Hey, Dad, you subscribed to my YouTube channel? Thanks. I’m surprised you even figured out how. Katie, please. After all that, I’m a computer expert. Am I doing this right? Should I update my software? Just hit “enter”! Hit “enter”! [screams] I accidentally ordered 12 Swiffers on Amazon! What did I… [sobbing] [grunting] [screams] You know, uh, no problem at all. Thanks. It… it means a lot to me. Hey. Don’t let the world make you normal while I’m gone, okay? I never will. I’ll call you every week. Deal. Raptor bash? [snarls] For life. [snarls] Come here, you little goober. [laughing] Put me down. Goodbye, you king of kings. [panting] Thanks for being the best mom in the world. [kisses] We love you, honey. Oh, and here, to remember us. Every horrible picture we’ve ever taken. Thanks. It’s… it’s heavy. I know. [clears throat] Wish we didn’t have to go, but, uh… Good luck, uh, finding your people. Dad, come on. You guys are my people. So, you know, when I’m sad to be alone… I’ll always have my favorite thing. [sniffles, clears throat] Do you remember how a moose says I love you? [bellows] [chuckles] [bellows] [all bellowing] [Monchi howls] [Mitchells laughing] Don’t laugh. You’re supposed to be sad. Come here. [inspirational music playing] [excited grunt] Mom, you’re hugging too tight. You love it. You love it! [chuckles] I do love it. [engine starts] [laughs] [fireworks whistling, popping] [upbeat music playing] We’re setting up the Slip ‘N Slide tomorrow. You in? Oh yeah. Definitely. [computer ringing] Hold on. I’m getting a call. Thanks again for saving the world, K-Bones! No problem, Dirk. [ringing continues] That’s my Katie. Are you eating enough? How’s classes? Are you and Jade official, and will you bring her home for Thanksgiving? Oh, easy, Mom. It’s only been a few weeks. Also, do I look okay? I’ve been… [groaning] …sick lately. Oh my gosh! She’s dead! Call 911! [laughing] I’ve been taking a class about filters. Oh, you. That is so creative. You know, speaking of which, you inspired your dad. I got on that, uh, YouTube. I, uh, sent you a friend request. Why didn’t you… why didn’t you accept it? Oh, that’s what this is. I thought a psychopath wrote this. Sure, I’ll… I’ll accept your friend request, Dad. Hey, where’s Aaron? Oh, let me just show you. 
[Aaron] Okay, stegosaurus… 
[Linda] Hey, Aaron. Wanna show your sister who you’re talking to? What? No. I’m not doing anything! [screams] Sorry. Force of habit. 
[Eric, Deborahbot] Hello, slovenly girl. [chuckles] Hey, guys. We received your care package for Aaron. Looks like we got some clothes here for a little gentleman. [Aaron gasps] 
[Aaron] The prophecy has been fulfilled! [smacks lips] So, guys, I guess we’re receiving some Congressional Medal of Honor or something. We have to go to Washington, DC. Do you guys want to fly or…
[?]
♪ On my way ♪ ♪ On my way, on my way ♪ [Mitchells laughing] ♪ On my way to somewhere ♪ ♪ On my way, on my way to somewhere ♪ ♪ I’m gonna cross state lines In my first car ♪ ♪ Over and over, heal my broken heart ♪ ♪ I’m gonna cross state lines In my first car ♪ ♪ Over and over, heal my broken heart ♪ ♪ On my way ♪ ♪ I’m gonna cross state lines ♪ ♪ On my way ♪ ♪ In my first car ♪ ♪ On my way to somewhere ♪ ♪ Over and over ♪ ♪ Heal my broken heart ♪ ♪ On my way ♪ ♪ I’m gonna cross state lines ♪ ♪ On my way to somewhere ♪ ♪ In my first car ♪ ♪ Over and over Heal my broken heart ♪ ♪ Looking back around Like I need your permission ♪ ♪ Know it’s always hard When you know what you’re missing ♪ ♪ Walk a little further To the unfamiliar ♪ ♪ Ripping out the pages It won’t k*ll ya ♪ ♪ On my way, on my way ♪ ♪ On my way to somewhere ♪ ♪ On my way, on my way to somewhere ♪ ♪ I’m gonna cross state lines In my first car ♪ ♪ Over and over, heal my broken heart ♪ ♪ I’m gonna reach new heights With every fall ♪ ♪ I’m gonna be all talk But do it all ♪ ♪ On my way, on my way ♪ ♪ On my way to somewhere ♪ ♪ On my way ♪ ♪ On my way to somewhere ♪ ♪ Seeing what’s in front of me I got double vision ♪ ♪ Take a deep breath, make a decision ♪ ♪ On my way, on my way ♪ ♪ On my way, on my way ♪ ♪ On my way to somewhere ♪ ♪ On my way, on my way to somewhere ♪ ♪ I’m gonna cross state lines ♪ ♪ On my way ♪ ♪ On my way ♪ ♪ In my first car ♪ ♪ On my way to somewhere ♪ ♪ Over and over ♪ ♪ Heal my broken heart ♪ ♪ On my way ♪ ♪ I’m gonna cross state lines ♪ ♪ On my way to somewhere ♪ ♪ In my first car ♪ ♪ Over and over, heal my broken heart ♪ [song ends] [upbeat music playing] [melodic music playing] 
[Linda] Oh, let’s have a sing-along. I’ll go first. ♪ Crushing robots with my family ♪ [imitating guitar riff] ♪ Never seen such brutality ♪ [imitating guitar riff] [laughs] I just made that up. Somebody give me a Grammy for Greatest Singer Alive. [inspirational music playing] [upbeat music playing] 
KATIE: (?) Wow, wh… whoa! (laughs) I don’t know. You guys can’t see me, right?
[?]
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