Simpsons Christmas Stories

Simpsons Christmas Stories is the ninth episode of Season 17 and the 365th episode overall.
==Synopsis==
In this Christmas anthology episode: Homer tells his rendition of Jesus' birth in the manger during a Christmas church service, Grampa tells Lisa about his Christmas fighting in the Pacific theater during World War II, and a parody of The Nutcracker Suite shows everyone in Springfield prepping for the holidays, including Moe's annual suicide and Homer forgetting Marge's present.
== Full Story ==
=== The First D'oh-El ===
When Reverend Lovejoy can't attend the Christmas sermon due to his train set catching on fire, Ned Flanders immediately takes over.
However, he gets a paper cut and faints. Homer plans to lead the sermon and tells the story of the first Christmas, with Marge as Mary, Homer as Joseph, Angel Lisa as Gabriel, Mr. Burns as King Herod, and Bart as Jesus.
Mary tells Joseph that she is pregnant, even though Mary is a virgin. The angel Gabriel appears to them and explains that Mary is going to give birth to the Son of God. The three wise men (Dr. Hibbert as Melchior, Principal Skinner as Caspar, and Professor Frink as Balthazar) tell King Herod that they are going to give gold, frankincense, and myrrh to the King of the Jews. When Herod thinks that the gifts are for him, the men explain to him that they are for the baby Jesus. Herod becomes furious and claims that he will kill the baby.
At the Bethlehem Inn, the innkeeper (Moe) tells Mary and Joseph that he has plenty of rooms available with brand new carpeting. However, when Mary's water breaks, he forces them to stay in the barn. Mary successfully gives birth to the baby, and the three wise men, along with the two shepherds (Lenny and Carl) come to see Jesus. Joseph is upset because he isn't Jesus' father, and when he drinks some wine, the baby turns it into water.
Later, when Jesus keeps crying, Mary gives him a wooden pacifier to suck on, so Jesus sucks on it, spits it out and stops crying. Mary gives him to Joseph, who entertains Jesus by hurting himself and Skinner, a la "The Three Stooges". When Jesus finally falls asleep, Herod and his troops find the manger that they're staying in. They escape and trick the soldiers by putting Jesus' halo on a duck. On top of the hill, Joseph cuts down a pine tree, and as it rolls down, the soldier gets caught in it. The soldiers, along with Herod, are arranged like ornaments on the tree, and the duck, still wearing the halo, stands on top of the tree. Mary calls it a Christmas tree, and Homer concludes his service. 
=== I Saw Grampa Cussing Santa Claus ===
When Bart and Lisa find Grampa trying to stick a bear trap on top of the chimney, Grampa tells them that he is trying to get his revenge on Santa Claus. Bart asks why, and to their dismay, Grampa tells them one of his many stories.
Back in World War II, Grampa and his brother Cyrus (never mentioned until now) were serving as Navy Pilots on an aircraft carrier in the Pacific; fighting off a Japanese kamikaze attack when Cyrus got shot down due to the fact that Lieutenant Montgomery Burns, Abe's tail-gunner, refused to radio Cyrus because he was busy talking to a girl on the plane's radio. Shortly after, Abe and Burns also get shot down and are stranded on an island. Burns tries to assert dominance stating that on the island military rank means nothing, and that the strong of will control the weak. Abe, however, the commanding officer, is not threatened by this and quickly overpowers Burns, asserting his own dominance, by dunking Burns' head repeatedly in the ocean. They eventually settle their differences.
After a few months, on Christmas Eve, they see a plane in the sky, and Lt. Burns shoots it down. However, when they go over to investigate, they see that it is actually Santa Claus. They build him a new sleigh using the parts from the plane and they gather up all the presents. When Santa was about to leave he was missing Prancer and Rudolph, the latter shown to be in a snake. Lt. Burns knocks him unconscious with a coconut and flies away in the sleigh and claims that he is going to keep all the presents, because at heart, he's just a very wicked child. Grampa catches up to him on Prancer and jumps on board the sleigh. After he beats Mr. Burns with a tricycle, stating that someone should have done that years ago, Abe gives the sleigh back to Santa. As Santa leaves, he tells the young Grampa that he will be back in a few days. As Santa flies away, Abe states that it was the craziest thing he had ever seen. Immediately afterwards, a nuclear test explodes at nearby Bikini Atoll, causing Abe to restate his previous claim about the rising mushroom cloud. Santa Claus, however, never comes back and Abe then claims he had to get off the island using a jet ski he made out of coconuts.
Bart and Lisa believe that it's just another one of Grampa's far-fetched tales, but when they hear a thump in the den, they find that Santa is there. He tells them that Cyrus didn't die, but instead crashed into Tahiti. Santa takes Grampa there, and they meet up with Cyrus and his fifteen wives. Santa explains to Grampa that he didn't come back for him on the island due to his procrastination, and he eventually felt embarrassed about it.
=== The Nutcracker...Sweeeeet ===
After the children of Springfield Elementary perform The Nutcracker, everyone begins to go along their day singing to the tune of "March". This is done after mentioning that the songs in The Nutcracker are in the public domain and thus can be (and are) played constantly for free. Homer tells Grampa that they aren't going to be at home and hides when he comes, forcing Grampa to spend his Christmas in the dumpster with raccoons, who give Grampa some rancid lard.
Krusty then shows a clip of The Krusty Show from 1964 where the audience used snowballs to pelt Krusty and with John Glenn and Martin Luther King, Jr. as guests. After the opening number, Moe continues his annual holiday tradition and attempts suicide thrice, and naturally fails, done to the tune of "Dance of the Flutes". Moe first tries to hang himself with string popcorn which breaks. Next, he rides a sleigh through traffic with a note saying No one gets my organs pinned to his chest, but isn't run over. Moe then tries to shoot himself with a gun but this turns out to be a comedy "bang gun" saying "Merry Christmas". Finally, Moe asks Barney to kill him, but Barney refuses on the grounds that he had brought him a wool hat.
That evening, Marge tells Homer that he will like the present that she got him. Not wanting to upset her, Homer tells her that his present for her is outside and drives away to buy her a present, singing to the tune of "Russian Dance". Every store is closed, and all Apu has at the Kwik-E-Mart is some jerky made out of trout. Homer searches in garbage cans, gutters, trees, and he even chases down Milhouse, but he can't find anything.
When he gets home, Marge gives Homer his present, done to "Pas De Deux". He opens it and sees that it is another present with a tag that reads, "To Marge, From Homer." Marge tells him that she knew that he would forget to give her a present, so she gave him one to give to her. He gives it to her and she unwraps it, and Homer sees that it is a picture of him dressed up as Santa with Marge on his lap. They hug and kiss, and Moe, for the fourth time, attempts suicide by again riding on a sleigh in the road, and fails again after a semi barely runs him over.
==Broadcast History==
===United States===
Broadcast date(s)	Channel aired
*December 18, 2005
*February 5, 2006
*December 10, 2006	
*December 22, 2020
*December 25, 2020	
*December 25, 2020	
==External Links==
*Simpson Christmas Stories at the Christmas Specials Wiki
== Citations ==
fr:Histoires de Noël
pl:Simpsons Christmas Stories
pt:O Conto de Natal dos Simpsons
Category:Christmas
Category:Trilogy Episodes
Category:Anthology
Category:Religion-themed episodes
Category:Homer episodes
Category:Grampa Episodes
Category:Bart episodes
Category:Marge episodes
Category:Holiday episodes
Category:Ned Flanders Episodes
Category:Principal Skinner episodes
Category:Professor Frink Episodes
Category:Dr. Hibbert Episodes
Category:Musical-themed Episodes
Category:Lisa episodes
Category:Moe episodes
Category:Episodes named after the Simpsons
Category:Winter Episodes
Category:Episodes on DVD
Category:Christmas Episodes
Category:Written by Don Payne
Category:Directed by Steven Dean Moore
Category:Flashback episodes
Category:Episodes Set in The Past
Category:Dream episodes
Category:Episodes with alternate end credits