Wiener Works

This page describes the wieneriest of locations but it's also a group.
Wiener Works is the foundation of all fast food, originating in the yeer 0 on the Weener calendar. The original restaraunt has withstood the fall of empires and a trip across the Atlantic. Countless souls have come and gone since the start of the weener, and many more shall do the same.
== (sega) Genesis (yeer 0/69 B.C.E.) ==
In the beginning, there was many a want for more wieners, especially ones which were fast, cheap, and easy to obtain. One man had decided the Earth had been without wieners for long enough. This man may have seemed ordinary, but make no mistake- this man was... Biggie John, a visitor from Ireland. He called upon all who had been affected by lack of weenie, those who wanted to make a change. 
Wiener Works was originally erected in Liverpool, England. in 69 B.C.E. by the Gregorian calendar, but this was yeer 0 of the Weener calendar. Those who helped construct, maintain, and facilitate Wiener Works were called wiener workers by John. Many wienerless souls flocked to the Wiener Works to have John's wieners bequeathed upon them.
== The Dark Ages (yeer 600/531 C.E.) ==
After the initial boom of the weenie, things didn't do so good bruh. Connoisseurs of weeners were being pulled away to fight in the wars surrounding the British isles. This continued into the black plague. As if residing in Britain wasn't bad enough, Biggie John and Wiener Works now had to deal with a horrible plague. 
John and his weenie disciples tried their hardest to ease unrest and illness with the weenie, but while it helped some they could not save everyone. During the Dark Ages, John introduced the "Ten or so Weenie Commandments" which were actually twelve but he didn't count them before naming it. 
== Exodus (yeer 1681/1612 C.E.) ==
As the New World was discovered, Biggie John saw promise in the virgin lands to the west. In the yeer 1612, Wiener Works was placed onto a boat which sailed to North America. The vessel arrived at what is now called Kure Beach. There, the crew made a camp and rested for two days before modifying the vessel to traverse the Cape Fear River. The crew sailed inland as far as they could but had to disembark at Eagle Island. Wiener Works was loaded onto a makeshift wagon and the group traveled further along the shore of the Cape Fear until finally settling where Wiener Works remains today, in modern day Fayetteville on Person Street. This move can only be described as "a migration from satan's asshole to satan's armpit".
== Kings (yeer 1717/1648 C.E.) ==
Biggie John was approached by King Charles I, visiting from England. Charles wished to franchise a location of Wiener Works to be built back in Britain, for the people yearned for wieners. Biggie John declined. The king returned to England, annoyed. A year later, in yeer 1718, Charles ordered a second Wiener Works location be erected in the city of London. Upon hearing this news, John was furious. He hopped aboard a passenger boat which sailed for Britain. 
While aboard the ship, Biggie John is said to have manufactured the first Glock. Upon disembarking the ship, he headed for Westminster in London, where King Charles I was staying. He arrived at the door to the king's palace, requesting an audience with the king. He stated he changed his mind about franchising a Wiener Works location to Britain. When Charles was told about this, he wished to see John immediately. Upon meeting with John, Charles said "My boy, this peace is what all true warriors strive for!" then John was all like "Gee, it sure it boring around here!" and pulled his splicky from his waistband. Before shooting him he said, "how that pickle taste". Then John shot his gun all like BLAM BLAM BLAM and the king slumped over in this throne. John expected to be assaulted by the guards but they were like "eh now we don't have to cut off his head." 
Then upon leaving, Biggie John dumped the gun in an alley and said to himself "fuck fuck fuck fuck i meant to say glizzy." The end. 
== Deuteronomy (yeer 1764/1695 C.E.) ==
In yeer 1695, the second Wiener was relocated to North Carolina and refurbished to be up to Wiener Works' standards. This second location resides on what is now called Raeford Road, giving it quick access to the local hospital, Cape Fear Valley Medical Center. To celebrate, Biggie John introduced a new limited-time wiener topping, the cockhair special. Biggie John participated in an event at the new restaurant. The first wiener-eating competition. He won by a landslide, but praised the other participants for their effort. Just as Biggie John was chatting with the event's attendees, he felt something. Destiny was calling. Those nearby claimed it was if the Almighty Weenie had spoken to him. His jean shorts were even said to have expanded greatly in size. He rushed to the bathroom. When Biggie John emerged 20 minutes later, he had even gained the support of many flies swarming around him. He stacked wiener crates on top of one another and began speaking to the crowd. The exact speech is not known, but can be guessed based off witness accounts: "My friends. We stand here today thanks to the contents of these crates which hold me up. Without these agents of faith, we would be lost. Thanks to you, the Wiener Workers, these dogs are as numerous as the stars of the heavens. I am unable to carry you myself..."Biggie John is then said to have said tons of very emotional and moving things. Then the whole bus clapped. As the crowd applauded, he fell down due to one of the crates breaking, landing in a pile of slimy wienies. Then he walked out the door and was never seen again.
== Willie The Weener Martyr (yeer 1929/1860 C.E.) ==
Wiener Works, now being managed by Willie Dustice, knew they had to pick a side because they looked at the match screen and it said 'Next up: American Civil War' and they were like "oh damn". So Willie went up to the North Carolina people and asked "hey guys you aren't gonna join the confederates right?" and then they said "ermmm idk actually". Then the Civil War started but Wiener Works remained on the side of the Union and not a single person was upset about that ever. :) 
Then, one day before the end of the war, someone walked into the Wiener Works location that Willie was at and was being real violent so then Willie whacked that angry dude with his McBat and subdued him but Willie was unfortunately killed by the recoil. 
=== Footlon Combog ===
As the Civil War ended, the Wiener Workers rejoiced. It's What Willie Would've Wanted. They had to create something new. A new menu item. One to cleanse the American palate of the blood of war. The Wiener Workers convened, and the Footlon Combog was created. A nice, supple sausage inside the stalest bun the East Coast had to offer. A foot-long wiener which brings plenty of company. So much company. Only $3.99 (~$75 adjusted for inflation). The people could afford it.
Customers could not make enough room in their stomachs to contain the wieners they were consuming. Too many foot-longs. They became nice and big and round. This was a good thing.
== Rival JibJab (yeer 1950/1881 C.E.) ==
Things were quiet, for a time. Wiener Works gained a new leader, Ernesto Salchicha. Ernesto was not prepared for the upcoming conflict. One day Ernie woke up from his slumber in the Wiener Works, looked out the window, and saw his new enemy. JibJab Hot Dog Shoppe. JibJab brought a new menu item, the Colonburger, to compete with Wiener Works' own Weenerburger, and, though not quite as long as the Footlon Combog, their Big Shitty Slog provided plenty of girth to compensate. 
Ernesto knew Wiener Works would have to fight tooth and nail, whatever that means, to keep up with the new competition. A meeting of minds commenced and they soon came up with the Wiener Works Oopsie Poopsie. JibJab proved that this new fecal variety of food was quite popular with the customers. The day after the Oopsie Poopsie was introduced, JibJab changed the sign outside of their restaurant in response. Poor Ernesto knew this meant war. 
The stage was set, and fecal food's finger beckoned both sides. 
== Fecal Food Boom (yeer 1950-1972, 1881-1903 C.E.) ==
The Fecal Boom, also called the Bowel Movement, describes the period following JibJab's introduction to North Carolina. This was when both sides were determined to produce the sloppiest, most soily food possible to appeal more to customers. Fast food consumers of the time would describe it as an excrement renaissance, while those working behind the scenes found it busy and stressful. Still, Weener Workers and JibJab Empooyees alike took great pride in their work.
=== Fecal Boom Favorites ===
File:Weener food.png|that's some good food right there
File:Weener pile of shit.jpg|The Weener Pile Of Shit, introduced during the Fecal Boom.
File:Weener weener.png|Another Bowel Movement classic, the Poopweenie.
File:Weener fancy doggy.jpg|The Fancy Doggy, designed to compete with JibJab's premium line.
File:Weener effort.jpg|looks like someone gave up
File:Weener slaw.jpg|garlic and cheese glitzy with the stendo frank holder
File:Weener double shitter delight.jpg|The Double Shitter Delight, perfect for couples who are into that
File:Weener cup.jpg|that's just a cup why is that here
File:Weener special.webp|Footlon Combog Brown-Out Special
File:Weener works lost soul.jpg|Long Weenie. Where is it going...
File:Weener split.jpg|The Pants-Splitter. Designed to make you shit so hard your pants are split in half. Would sometimes split it's own bun in half due to it's power.
File:Weener oh man.jpg|oh man
File:Weener point.jpg|The Crappy Slausage
File:Weener what.jpg|what
== Judges (yeer 1972, 1903 C.E.) ==
While the Fecal Boom raged on, JibJab saw that the end was nowhere in sight. Around this time JibJab would gain a new leader, Sleve McDichael. Sleeve would have JibJab's sign changed to a mysterious phrase, a sign that JibJab was involved in some new scheme. 
On May 29th, yeer 1972, an undercover JibJab agent known as Benlup Duncan entered the Wiener Works. He sat down with Ernesto, who was dressed in his famous Weener Suit, and began to talk. Due to Ernesto being quite old and senile at this point, he did not see Benlup switch his Wiener Works Poopweenie for a JibJab Big Shitty Slog. When Ernesto took a bite out of it, his face scrunched up, and he was instantly turned into a skeleton. His skeleton remains there today. This sparked a serious of assassinations known as the Weenie Killings. Wiener Workers and JibJab Empooyees were targeted by their enemies. Their food being replaced with the opposing side's without their knowledge. As everyone knows, when a Wiener Worker eats JibJab or a JibJab Empooyee eats Wiener Works, they die instantly. That's just the way it is. The Weenie Killings would end with the Big One. A Wiener Worker had switched Sleve McDichael's JibJab Pooper Decker for a Wiener Works Double Pants-Splitter. Though the Wiener Worker was caught, JibJab Empooyees thought they had switched out a different hot dog. No one was aware Sleve's was the one which was replaced. Sleve sat down to have a lovely bite of his Pooper Decker, and as he took a bite and swallowed his eyes widened. He attempted to rush to the bathroom, but it was too late. The restaurant was enveloped in a flash of energy. A large explosion was heard, and as the flash dissipated an empty lot stood where JibJab once was. JibJab was successfully driven out of North Carolina. 
__FORCETOC__