The Monkey of the Day

"The Monkey of the Day" is a short in the Bigfoot Cinematic Universe written by JustInCaseTheDingusRunsAway and released on November 16, 2023.
==Synopsis==
In a flashback episode, Sex Edward's pet lemur falls in love.
==Transcript==
[The episode starts at a large conference, full of stalls promoting various medical products. A -esque fellow runs a stall called “VACCINE HEAVEN”, and to his left is a crooked mad scientist’s “Brainchip Removal Service: only $14.88”. In the walkway between the stalls, we see a huddle of students, all aged around 15-18. Included in this is a young Sex Edward who has an inexplicable lemur wrapped around his shoulder.]
Student: George, do you really need to bring that stupid monkey everywhere?
Young Sex Edward (George): He’s not a monkey! He’s a lemur, and I’ll have you know that he has a name!
Student 2: What is it? Flunkey?
[The students laugh.]
Student 3: King Wrong?
[The students laugh again.]
George: [sighs] Why do you all have to be so mean? Mr. LemurPants is basically just like you and me.
Student: Yeah, except they don’t experiment on humans. [chuckles]
[George gasps as we pan to a stall with a very well-medalled scientist, dressed in a lab coat decorated with all kinds of prizes, standing on a pedestal next to a cage covered in a white sheet.]
Scientist: And THE MONKEY of the day is…
[He grabs the sheet off to reveal a manic monkey trapped in the cage, as the audience cheers and applauds.]
Monkey: Ooh-ooh! Ooh-ooh!
[The monkey runs around wildly in its cage until something to its front catches its eye, stopping it in its tracks. “” by plays over a close-up of the monkey turning its head and smiling. Hearts appear in his eyes.]
Carpenters: [offscreen] Why do birds suddenly appear… every time… you are near?
[We get a close-up of Mr. LemurPants making the same expression. Then we abruptly cut to a brief shot of Dennis also looking towards the camera with “” by playing. We zoom back out to the monkey, whose sudden halt in movement has confused the scientist.]
Scientist: Heh… he must have stage fright…
Superhero Voice: [offscreen] TAIL RESCUE… ACTIVATE!
[Triumphant chase music starts to play as Mr. LemurPants swirls his tail across the audience and squeezes the monkey out of his cage and places him on top of LemurPants’ back.]
Mr. LemurPants: Come with me, my love.
[The monkey starts hollering again as Mr. LemurPants, holding the monkey on his back, starts climbing up stalls and across the conference room, shocking the audience and George.]
George: MR. LEMURPANTS! COME BACK!
Student 3: [smirks] Idiot.
[Mr. LemurPants uses the student’s head as a trampoline to reach the ceiling, pushing him to the ground.]
Scientist: SEIZE THAT PRIMATE!
[The audience, who suddenly have an abundance of pitchforks, rise to the occasion and move in herds to find the primate couple, who are now attached to the ceiling. LemurPants crawls towards a vent and snubs it open with his cute little nose, allowing for him and the monkey to crawl in and subtly seal it back closed. We cut to the dusty, claustrophobic room they find themselves in, with the only light coming through being from the conference room below. The monkey scrambles to the other end of the narrow room, leaving Mr. LemurPants in the corner.]
Monkey: [speaking in a posh English accent] Jonathan! You know we can’t be together.
Jonathan LemurPants: But… but…
Monkey: No buts, LemurPants. You know how my mother feels about people like us. If we were to elope, it would break her heart.
LemurPants: Oh, who cares about your mother?!
[An audience gasps offscreen.]
LemurPants: I know you love her dearly, Niles, but you’re an adult now. You’re a test monkey, you’re getting the bananas yourself now. You need to focus on you… and what you want. [gulps] And I know…
[LemurPants moves towards Niles the monkey and places his paw on his shoulder.]
Niles: …that I want you, Jonathan. Oh…
[Niles and LemurPants share a long embrace, eyes closed, with sniffling heard and an audience saying “awww”. Niles’ eyes pop open.]
Niles: Did you hear that?
[They look down towards the conference room, where the pitchfork-waving sheeple have now become a calm and compelled audience of theatre-goers holding popcorn and wearing fancy clothing. Some of the women are even wiping their faces with cloths. Thinking the coast is clear, LemurPants slides down the opening to the vent and peeks his head and tail out.]
Scientist: [in a tuxedo] Hey! They’re not acting as our entertainment anymore! Prejudice is BACK ON!
[The pitchforks re-appear and a chase restarts. LemurPants narrowly avoids getting his tail burnt as he reaches into the crowd for George, who he wraps up and brings back into the safe with him, though it is a bit of a squish. Finally, he plops him into the room, throwing him exhaustedly at Niles, and closes the vent once again.]
LemurPants: George, I didn’t know when I’d have to tell this to you, my boy…
George: What is it, LemurPants? Are you… dying?
LemurPants: No, of course not, my boy. Me and Niles, THE MONKEY here… we’re a couple.
George: Huh?
LemurPants: We are gay lovers, George.
[George sits there contemplating, hands on his chin like a Greek philosopher before having a singular short exhale and asking a deep question.]
George: What is… gay?
[LemurPants and the Monkey, now standing together, pause in silence for a beat before ragtime music plays and suddenly, the vent seems to transform into an abstract pink space with LemurPants and Niles in full costume. A group of assorted people, standing in the middle of nowhere in this pink space, are pointed at one by one by LemurPants and Niles with their canes as they sing a joyous ragtime number.]
LemurPants: He’s gay!
Niles: He’s gay!
LemurPants: She’s gay!
Niles: They’re gay!
LemurPants: He’s bi!
Niles: He’s unconfirrrrmed! 
[They point to a businessman who goes in and out of drag.]
Niles: He’s gay!
LemurPants: Sunday!
Niles: He’s straight!
LemurPants: [disappointedly] Monday!
[They point at someone on fire, with Niles holding a bucket.]
LemurPants: And he’s just a little bit burnt!
[Niles splashes the bucket of water onto the person, before cutting to LemurPants, Niles and all of the gays in a conga line surrounding George.]
All: [like a choir] Being gay is normal!
Gay Scientist: It’s genetic!
Homophobic New York Man: It’s pathetic!
LemurPants: But if you’re homophobic…
Niles: We might have to bring our men in.
[A group of drag queens all dressed up in military uniform come swinging in.]
Drag Queen Military: [in unison] We are the trooops!
Drag Queen Soldier: We serve the country!
Drag Queen Soldier 2: We serve [C-WORD]!
[A group of white people holding a banner saying “WE’RE JUST IN SOLIDARITY, I SWEAR” roll in front of the drag queens.]
White People: And we’re not really gay, we are just here to have some fun! Allies!
Drag Queen Soldier 3: Who let them in?
Asexual : Don’t ask me! I wonder why they’re there.
LemurPants: They funded this whole number!
Niles: So I’m afraid we’ll have to share!
[The number ends and the characters - as well as the pink background - all vanish, with Niles and LemurPants standing triumphantly in the vent room.]
George: So… you like musicals?
[Niles lets out a deep sigh.]
LemurPants: I mean, the kid’s basically got half of it right.
[A quirky inflatable man in a suit appears with his thumbs up and a gleeful smile.]
Man: Wow, that was an effed up movie!
[The drum fill plays and the episode ends, with the credits of the episode “” playing.]
Category:Episodes written by JustInCaseTheDingusRunsAway
Category:2023 Transcripts
Category:2023 Shorts
Category:Shorts
Category:LGBTQ+
Category:Musicals
Category:Bigfoot Cinematic Universe