Epic Rap Battle Parodies 38

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The 38th installment of Epic Rap Battle Parodies. It features brawny lumberjack myth, Paul Bunyan, rapping against pioneer legend, Johnny Appleseed. It was released March 24th, 2014.
==Cast==
Justin Buckner as Paul Bunyan (Video)
Zander Kanack as Doctor and Paul Bunyan (Audio)
Froggy as Johnny Appleseed
==Lyrics==
===Paul Bunyan:===
Ey, chapman! You won't survive this pain that I'm bringing,
How can you win? I cut Appletrees for a living!
Stop lumber-jacking off and focus, I'm manly as hell!
You're a nurse, maggot, do you fondle with your apples as well?
On my way to victory, and this fool is on my route,
Punching his face so many times, he'll turn as red as his fruit!
I'm a giant, don't you see? Your love of apples is just weird,
This ass-whooping will be almost greater than my majestic beard!
You discovered apple trees? Just go to the store!
Beef with a lumberjack and get scattered on the floor!
I'm like an onion, bringing tears out this little funyan, 
Shoving my axe up your ass, so you'll remember the name Bunyan!
===Johnny Appleseed:===
Oh, the Lord's been good to me,
Just sitting plucking from my apple tree,
Then this fat son of a bitch tried to step to me,
Now he'll learn not to mess with Johnny Appleseed!
Forget the lumber camps, you're just a lumber tramp!
This tourist attracting scamp's about to get a revamp!
I'm on fire! Like the kerosine you enjoy drinking,
You're just a big oaf, who makes choices without thinking!
You little myth bitch, you ain't putting up no fight,
Why're you pissed? Are those jeans pulled up to tight?
This world would be hungry without my discoveries,
I'm the reason Newton found the laws of gravity, buddy!
===Paul Bunyan:===
You're just a pioneer queer who I'll slice to bits!
I'll take that pan off your head and smash your face with it!
You chose not to marry because you'd take the spirits as your wives?
Good luck, chump! You pretty much just wasted your whole life!
You better pray that you win, and run back to your New Church!
I'll drop apple bombs 'til you turn into the nothing that your worth!
By the time I'm done with you, you'll just be Johnny Applejuice!
You're the true fruit, bitch! I'll be sure to leave you the bruise!
===Johnny Appleseed:===
Calm down there, partner, you're angrier than you need to be!
I'm spitting out these disses like I'm spitting out appleseeds!
While I'm chompin' on my sweets, making history, man,
You're stompin' on your feet, chaising people off your land,
You're just a lonely lumberjack who's in for a shock,
The only "babe' you get in bed is Babe the Blue Ox!
You've been destroyed by Johnny, I'm leaving strong and proud!
An apple a day keeps the Doctor away, no one can save you now!
<poll>
Who Won?
Paul Bunyan
Johnny Appleseed
</poll>
Category:Epic Rap Battle Parodies
Category:ERBP Season 3
Category:Justin Buckner
Category:Zander Kanack
Category:Froggy
Category:Paul Bunyan
Category:Johnny Appleseed