Black-Eyed, Please/Quotes

:Skinner: Meet your new teacher, Ms. Cantwell. Do not call her by the obvious dirty nickname. Now I must meet with the new art teacher, Mr. Testiclees. (the kids laugh)
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:Ralph: I'm a fun factory! (eats Play-doh and squirts it out of his nose and ears)
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:Homer: Look at the size of that bird! I'd go Henry VIII on those drumsticks.
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:Homer: (after being punched by Flanders) I didn't know you were left-handed.
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:Flanders: My mustache fell out—this is a clip-on. Sorry, Homer. Now, do you mind if I pray to your bed-side?
:Homer: No, I don't—if you pray to Superman.
:Flanders: (chuckles) Not praying to a character in a comic book.
:Homer: What about Christian Archie comics?
:Flanders: Neither canonical nor comical.
:Homer: Here. I'll get you started. Hail Superman wearing tights—Clark Kent be thy name. One nation under Zod.
:Flanders: Not praying to Superman!
:Homer: Grouch!
:Marge: Flanders, Homie's a little cranky right now. More than his eye, I think you hurt his feelings.
:Homer: Give him one of your famous murmurs, Marge.
:Marge: My what?
:Homer: Your famous murmur. You know? (murmurs)
:Marge: I never made that noise in my life! (murmurs)
:Homer: Thanks, Flanders! Punch my eye; destroy my marriage—now just pull the plug and let me die!
:Flanders: That's the plug (pulls plug) for the light. (Homer imitates flatine; Flanders scoffs)
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:Lisa: Ms. Cantwell?
:Ms. Cantwell: Yes?
:Lisa: Why are you so mean to me?
:Ms. Cantwell: You really want to know?
:Lisa: More than I want unicorns to be real.
:Ms. Cantwell: Well, if you guess, I'll give you extra credit.
:Lisa: I remind you of you.
:Ms. Cantwell: Now you've got a demerit.
:Lisa: This class doesn't give demerits.
:Ms. Cantwell: Now it does, and you just got another one.
:Lisa: What if I home-school?
:Ms. Cantwell: You're bluffing—I've driven by your home! (Lisa gasps)
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:Ms. Cantwell: (as a figment of Lisa's imagination) Here's the new deal: you fail! (evil laugh)
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:Marge: I wish you wouldn't wear sweaters that the senior ladies knit.
:Grampa: Well, putting my arms in sleeves about all I've got to offer a woman. (enter Lisa, groaning)
:Marge: What's the matter, sweetie? Is a book character having difficulties?
:Lisa: I have a bully at school.
:Marge: Oh. Did you tell the teacher?
:Lisa: My bully is my teacher.
:Marge: A teacher can't be a bully.
:Grampa: Oh, they sure can! When I was a boy, teachers would rap my knuckles with a yardstick. Now, you've got the (condescending) metric system.
:Lisa: We don't have the metric system.
:Grampa: What? This isn't Sweden, and I'm not King Olaf? Oh, I've got some explaining to do down at the bank. (puts on makeshift crown and wields makeshift scepter)
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:Marge: Our daughter is being bullied by your teacher.
:Chalmers: Mrs. Simpson, this school does not hire bullies.
:Skinner: That's right. We—
:Chalmers: Quiet, nerd!
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:Homer: I hate unions! There's this guy at my plant—caused three meltdowns, and he still keeps his job!
:Marge: Homer, that's you.
:Homer: Oh, yeah. I say "union"; you say "power"! Union!
:Marge: Power.
:Homer: Union!
:Marge: Power.
:Homer: Marge, you're really donging it on the "power," but don't worry. Because of the union, you're safe!
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:(Flanders meets with Homer at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant)
:Homer: How did you get in here? This place is a highly sensitive area.
:Lenny: (giving a tour of the power plant to young boy scouts) Who here wants to touch radiation? (all scouts raise their hands)
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:Flanders: Jeepers creepers! Pop my peeper!
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:Flanders: I'm insisting on a fisting!
:Smithers: What's this about a fisting?
:Homer: I'm not punching you, Flanders!
:Flanders: What? Why?
:Homer: Because if I hit you back, we'll be even, but if I don't hit you, that makes me the better man, and I'm liking the way that feels.
:Flanders: No! You can't! If I'm not as good as you, then I'm horrible!
:Homer: It's not for me to judge, Ned, because I am the better man!
:Flanders: Now there's no need to—
:Homer: Better man coming through! Way better, better, better. Way better, better, better. Zing!
:Flanders: Enough!
:Homer: You may be the sweater man, but Homer is the better man!
:Flanders: Now you're rhyming? (punches Homer)
:Homer: Augh! I didn't know you were left-handed.
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:Ms. Cantwell: Hello, Lisa. I was shocked to hear from Principal Skinner that you and I aren't getting along.
:Skinner: You should never tell on a bully, Lisa; everyone knows that.
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:Mr. Largo: What are you in for? Murdering Chopin? (the other students laugh)
:Jimbo: Chopin.
:Lisa: Can I ask you guys something? Why does someone become a bully?
:Jimbo: Neglect.
:Dolph: Abuse.
:Kearney: I'm a Cubs fan.
:Lisa: But why would my teacher be a bully? (the bullies gasp)
:Nelson: I don't know.
:Jimbo: Your bully's a teacher?
:Kearney: That means all of us can be teachers!
:Dolph: Boo-yeah! I'm gonna buy me a Hyundai Elantra.
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:Apu: Do not cross—it is that monster that terrorizes the jolly fat man!
:Flanders: Come on, people; you're safe as Sunday with me—I wouldn't hurt a fly. (a fly flies into Flanders' mouth)
:Sideshow Mel: I saw the whole thing: that innocent fly flew from that fresh pile of dog feces right into that monster's mouth!
:Homer: Fear not, people—I will lead you safely across! (in doing so, he nearly gets run over)
:Driver: Idiot!
:Homer: Help me, Flanders! (Flanders sighs)
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:Flanders: Never getting to heaven. Took harp lessons for nothing.
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:Homer: Every time I try to fix things, it just makes things worse, but I'm gonna fix this!
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:Homer: Flanders, I've come to forgive you.
:Flanders: My prayers have been answered—well, actually, just this one.
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:Flanders: Edna Krabappel, you know how you said you could help me with any desire, and nothing was forbidden? Well, sure, I want you to get rid of Lisa's bully teacher.
:Mrs. Krabappel: Whoo! There's only one way: the Nuclear Option.
:Homer: How much plutonium do you want? Gotta warn ya—it might take me twenty minutes to get it.
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:Mrs. Krabappel: Ms. Cantwell?
:Ms. Cantwell: Yes?
:Mrs. Krabappel: I have a new student for your class. (enter Bart)
:Bart: Yo.
:Mrs. Krabappel: Yes. This is a very rare mid-year, two-grade send-back.
:Ms. Cantwell: Something's fishy—are you dating this boy?
:Mrs. Krabappel: (sarcastic) Right. I can't be around him because he's so delicious.
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:Ralph: (trapped inside a map) When I come out of this, I'll be a butterfly!
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:Ms. Cantwell: Stupid Lisa! Stupid Lisa! Stupid Lisa!
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:Chalmers: Wait; wait! There's no need to leave!
:Skinner: You showed up before the students—that's all we asked.
:Ms. Cantwell: You two are the worst-dressed gay men I've ever met! (drives off; sees Lisa on her windshield)
:Lisa: Ms. Cantwell, wait! (Ms. Cantwell stops) I've got to know before you leave—why don't you like me?
:Ms. Cantwell: Lisa, sometimes you just don't like a person. There's no logical explanation; it just is.
:Lisa: That is so unsatisfying. (sighs)
:Ms. Cantwell: Here we go! If you don't get what you want, you get all pout-y. All you pretty girls are the same.
:Lisa: You think I'm pretty?
:Ms. Cantwell: Right! Like you don't get told that every day of your life with your perfect, blonde hair; that Kewpie doll voice that drives the boys crazy—and what eight-year-old wears pearls? Bookworms like me can't stand party girls like you!
:Lisa: She hates me because I'm pretty! Woo-hoo! (Ms. Cantwell speeds off, splattering mud on Lisa)
:Ms. Cantwell: Not so pretty now, are you?
:Lisa: Can you sign my yearbook?
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:Flanders: (to Homer) I'm glad the only beef between us is this burger.
:Marge: They sure are getting along.
:Nedsel Flanders: (chortles) They don't know it, but I slipped a little (whistles) into the brownies I gave them. (Homer and Flanders are on their knees—they look like they are praying)
:Flanders: How long has it been since we prayed together, neighbor?
:Homer: This is praying? (crawling away) Let me out of here! (whimpers) Help me, God!
es:Black-Eyed, Please/Frases
Category:Quotes