Headhunters 2: The Soon-to-be-Severed Seventeen

== Introduction ==
Congrats to "Ya Hate 2 See it" and "Clydesdales." They have both outlasted their 2019 selves. Improvement is key in this world. Always be better than you were yesterday, or last season. 
Unfortunately for one team, they did the opposite of what they were supposed to do. They were way, way worse than last season...
== In Memorium: Bad Boys ==
The world may never know how the smartest guy in the room could be made to look so dumb. KVR spent the entire draft night chirping everyone else and not enough time picking legitimate football players. For him to be eliminated in week two is a shock to the system, as he was a vocal and active member of last year's league and manged to make it through to November.    
Unless it wasn't clear already, this team was not good. So HOW this happened is not really a question. Gronk goose-egged in his second week and is proving to be the biggest disappointment since Indy came back for "Kingdom of the Crystal Skull." Then there is A.J. Green, who has been targeted 22 times and only has 8 catches. That's a worse catch rate than I had picking up girls in college.   
Attempting to overcome a huge deficit on MNF after posting a hilariously small stereotypical Asian dick-sized 45.60 through Sunday, Bad Boys found himself staring down the barrel of Carole Pigskin's Jalen Richard shotgun. The battle of the Van Rossum cousins was a lot tighter than people expected after C.V.R.'s Richard fumbled and K.V.R.'s Kamara started balling out. Trading TD's in the fourth quarter, C.V.R. was able to put the game away in what I can only consider to be the first victory over Kyle of Nate's offspring. Tough to be knocked out by a negative-five month old but Bad Boys was bad enough to do it.  
Bye Bye Bad Boys. You weren't even around long enough to pick a fight with Bob:
== New Releases ==
The team may have sucked, but I have a feeling bank shall be dropped on at least one guy on this list...
#Alvin Kamara
#Drew Brees
#David Johnson
#A.J. Green
#Jerry Jeudy
== Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020) ==
Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020)
Team 	2020 Finish	2019 Finish
Steve Blackman's Nun	19th 	N/A
Bad Boys 	18th 	9th (-9)
== Week Two Bidding Results ==
Week Two Bidding Results
Player 	Winning Team 	Winning Bid	Next Highest Bid
Joe Mixon 	Shotti's Bugatti 	$500 	$333 (@FFDraftScott)
Miles Sanders 	Shotti's Bugatti 	$350 	$333 (@FFDraftScott)
T.J. Hockenson 	@FFDraftScott 	$85 	$50 (Last Coach Standing)
DeVante Parker 	Last Coach Standing	$51 	$31 (Last Coach Standing)
Keenan Allen 	The Guilloteam 	$50 	$41 (A Team Has No Name)
Carson Wentz 	Last Coach Standing	$37 	None
Marvin Jones Jr.	Henry VIII 	$35 	$3 (A Team Has No Name)
Mike Gesicki 	Last Coach Standing	$26 	None
Keelan Cole 	Henry VIII 	$22 	$6 (It's Blitz! Track 2)
Philip Rivers 	The Guilloteam 	$10 	None
Arizona D 	It's Blitz! Track 2	$6 	None
Golden Tate 	It's Blitz! Track 2	$1 	None
*Maybe Shotti thinks he has enough money to afford an actual Bugatti.
*FFDraftScott made 2nd place bids to both Sanders and Mixon before losing Saquon Barkley for the season.  
*It's Blitz! Track 2 seems content once again with digging through the bargain bin, a strategy that gave them victory in 2019. 
Last Year's most expensive week two player: Zeke Elliot ($563). Mixon falls just short of that mark, but will week three's Kamara break that record?
== Money Spent Per Week ==
Last year we saw players like Zeke Elliot, Zach Ertz, and AJ Brown hit the waivers in week one. The talent wasn't really there this year, but the money still got spent!
Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020)
Week	Budget Spent 	Budget Spent (2019)
2 	$1173 (12 Players)	$1339 (7 Players)
TBD 	 	
==Week Two Results==
Week Two Results
Finish (Last Week)	Player 	Total Points
1(2) 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	240.46
2(16) 	Gore-ronavirus 	215.13
3(15) 	LiveWithIt 	201.96
4(11) 	Last Coach Standing 	201.59
5(6) 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	190.29
6(5) 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	184.61
7(13) 	Shotti's Bugatti 	176.79
8(9) 	Cam Shaft 	172.30
9(18) 	The Guilloteam 	171.24
10(4) 	Bobecue Chicken 	169.08
11(1) 	Out of Luck 	164.31
12(10) 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	159.66
13(8) 	FFDraftScott 	157.93
14(3) 	Henry VIII 	156.56
15(7) 	A Team Has No Name 	147.66
16(12) 	Clydesdales 	140.74
17(17) 	Carole Pigskin 	135.28
18(14) 	Bad Boys 	125.11
19 	Steve Blackman's Nun	0
* Biggest Climber: Gore-ronavirus (up 14)
* Biggest Faller: Henry VIII (down 11)
== 2020 Draft Dodgers ==
Team Results Based on Draft Position 
Draft Pick	Team 	Week Eliminated
1 	Henry VIII 	ALIVE
2 	Bad Boys 	2
3 	@FFDraftScott 	ALIVE
4 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	ALIVE
5 	Out of Luck 	ALIVE
6 	Shotti's Bugatti 	ALIVE
7 	Clydesdales 	ALIVE
8 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	ALIVE
9 	Cam Shaft 	ALIVE
10 	LiveWithIt 	ALIVE
11 	Bobecue Chicken 	ALIVE
12 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	ALIVE
13 	Carole Pigskin 	ALIVE
14 	Last Coach Standing 	ALIVE
15 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	ALIVE
16 	Steve Blackman's Nun	1
17 	The Guilloteam 	ALIVE
18 	Gore-ronavirus 	ALIVE
19 	A Team Has no Name 	ALIVE
== Kings of the Castle ==
===1. Hasta Laviska Baby===
After flirting with first last week, Laviska jumps ahead of the pack with a monster 240.46, which should not be possible in an 18-team league. Josh Allen and Aaron Jones combined for 108.58 points. Hasta Laviska, more like Hello Laviska, am I right?...I'm so lonely...
===2. Gore-ronavirus===
Every starter hit double-digits, including a surprisingly hot performance from James Robinson. Biggest shock of the week is that Atlanta defense only missed projection by 0.13 points. I guess they don't deduct points for crushed souls. 
===3. LiveWithIt===
Another metoric rise for a team that was on the brink last week, LiveWithIt isn't having any trouble living with guys like Darren Waller, Big Ben, and Dalvin Cook. The question will be if starters such as OBJ, Hardman, Kirk, and Cohen make this roster ready for a long haul or if it's a boom or bust squad. The last time Nate busted he had a baby, so who knows what a second bust performance would do to this team.
===4. Last Coach Standing===
The fourth team of the week to break 200, it may be safe to say that LCS's draft strategy worked just fine. LCS went RB, RB, RB to start, and looking around at the state of the league I'd say he is in prime position for some trade offers. The way things are going, coach Tebo might be standing longer than Dan Quinn.  
===5. Ya Hate 2 See It===
I love to see it. Jethro improves his station in 2020 with his best performanc ever in HH. G has made three roster moves in 2020, all drops. He has only two players on his bench and operated a three tight-end set in week two. Just wild. What will happen next?
== On the Chopping Block ==
===17. Carole Pigskin===
Carole Pigskin has finished 17th twice. I do not recommend doing it a third time because there are only 17 teams left. #ExpertAnalysis
===16. Clydesdales===
Derek survived two weeks, that's two weeks longer than he survived last year. But how much longer can he survive with Royce Freeman as the only active player on his bench?
===15. A Team Has No Name===
And no talent, from the looks of this performance. But he may have struck gold with Mike Davis for the next three weeks and that is huge and I am not bitter or worried. 
===14. Henry VIII===
One man's gold is another man's first overall pick snapping his ankle. I asked you guys straight up if the first overall pick was cursed and no one said anything. Some friends you are. 
===13. FFDraftScott===
Scotty was done in by bad injury luck at this time last season and now he's lost Barkley for the year. Will Scott become the third team to improve upon his 2019 campaign, or is he destined to suffer the same week three fate? By the way, now is as good a time as any to tell you all to watch "Dark." It's about time travel and fate and shit like that. Great fucking show. Sorry Scotty, didn't mean to use your spot to plug a show. But damn, it's good.  
== Average Scores of Eliminated Teams ==
Average Scores of Eliminated Teams
Team 	Average Score	Weeks Played
Bad Boys 	131.35 	2
Steve Blackman's Nun	96.56 	1
== Narrow Defeats ==
Margin of Defeat for Last Place Teams:
Margin of Defeat for Eliminated Teams
Team 	Margin of Defeat	Week Eliminated
Bad Boys 	10.17 	2
Steve Blackman's Nun	23.30 	1
== Rulers of the Kingdom ==
2020 first place finishers:
Top Scorers by Week
Week	Team 	Score
1 	Out of Luck 	212.79
2 	Hasta Laviska Baby	240.46
== Dungeon Dwellers ==
2020 teams that finished second-to-last, narrowly avoiding elimination:
Low Scorers by Week
Week	Team 	Score
1 	The Guilloteam	119.86
2 	Carole Pigskin	135.28
== Remaining Budget ==
Remaining Budget as of 09/22/19
Player 	Total Budget
Hasta Laviska Baby 	$1000
Out of Luck 	$1000
Neck-Fix and Chill 	$1000
Ya Hate to See It 	$1000
Bobecue Chicken 	$1000
Gore-ronavirus 	$1000
LiveWithIt 	$1000
Cam Shaft 	$1000
A Team Has No Name 	$1000
Clydesdales 	$1000
Carole Pigskin 	$1000
It's Blitz! Track 2 	$993
Henry VIII 	$943
The Guilloteam 	$940
FFDraftScott 	$915
Last Coach Standing 	$886
Shotti's Bugatti 	$150
Bad Boys 	0
Steve Blackman's Nun	0
I'm going to go out on a very stable limb and say Shotti isn't going to be bringing in Alvin Kamara for a workout this week.
==Important Notes==
Nicely placed at the bottom of the writeup where many never travel. 
This is for those who did not watch Sunday's video:
*Waivers: Waivers clear along with most of America on Wednesday morning so claims need to be in on Tuesday. It used to be Thursday morning but that has changed.
*IR: Teams have one IR spot only (yes, it's called a challenge). But they may use that spot for players with the "OUT" designation.
*League Dues: There are no dues. We will start dues in 2021 when corona is behind us and we have hammered out the league's final kinks.
*Eliminations: There are still THREE double-elimination weeks floating out there and one non-elimination week. They will happen sometime between now and week 12. Bid accordingly.
See you all next week (unless I'm beheaded). As always, happy bidding!