Colonel Johnson

Colonel Johnson, also known as No-Life's Dad is a retired supervillain, who hid his true identity using a holographic fake face and settled down with his family. He appeared on numerous occasions throughout the Spyman's Cosmos series, known only as No-Life's firm father. Up until Lenny's Vlogs: The Revelation, his or his spouse's face were never shown in the videos, which was picked up as an in-universe point by Lenny Jester, who noticed no one remembers how they look like and that they don't appear on photos. Eventually, he discovered the hidden photographs with his Johnson's real face, documenting his horrible actions.
== Biography ==
=== Early life ===
Colonel Johnson used to be a military man, who at one point created a family, marrying the woman that's No-Life's Mom and eventually having kids - Henry, Otillie, No-Life, James, Alex and Rose respectively. The third of his children became the one that gave him the most troubles. After realizing some most likely illegal actions with his underwater crew, Johnson retired and settled down in Stool, to take care of his family. For an yet unknown reason, he had to hide his face with a holographic overlay. He also abandoned his work in the military.
=== A Christmas Carol by No-Life ===
When their family sat down to the Christmas Eve supper, No-Life complained that all the food looks disgusting, so his father warned him and ordered him to eat the meal. He also said that if he would get another warning, he would be sent to his room. After that Christmas passed, he noted a sudden change in No-Life's behaviour, which actually impressed him. However, his son quickly came back to his old self.
=== In Search of the Scarlet Griffin ===
In summer of 2018, No-Life's family decided to go to Australia. When they were on the airport, No-Life just couldn't stop his antics, taking control of airport worker's computer, which caused his father to intervene and shout at him.
The following day, they were already in Australia, the Sydney National Park to be precise. They were all marveling the views and Johnson told his kids to look at the "interesting" sand. They didn't notice how No-Life went away from them and suddenly disappeared, possibly even until they came back home. When No-Life greeted them cheerfully in the hall, Johnson didn't want to look at him and pushed him away. It's very likely that even later he still didn't know how his son returned home and didn't want to.
=== No-Life's Home Alone ===
On December 23rd of 2018, Johnson woke up his son as they had to pack themselves before their trip to Paris. It didn't pass by without No-Life's usual complaints, which had the man forced to put his kid to order by giving him a ban until the end of the year. When No-Life pointed out that it's nothing big, as there are only eight days left in the year, his dad quickly changed his mind by saying he meant the next year. He also told the boy to stop being sassy, which made him scream. The father once again warned No-Life and left the room to change Rose's diaper.
Sometime later, No-Life stil didn't want to go on the trip and additionally offended his grandparents. In that case, Johnson sent him to wait on the attic. Later, in the midst of packing and rushing, he and the rest of the family forgot about him, leaving him there. Eventually they realized and quickly came back home, giving the bad weather conditions as another reason. However, they found a big mess in their house, which made both parents punish No-Life even more.
=== How No-Life Stole Christmas ===
A day before Christmas of 2019, he approached his son, who already had a punishment. When the kid attempted to hit him with a keyboard, he gave his child another punishment, saying that they would take his computer away. He then pointed out how he thought even No-Life would act nicer near the holidays, recollecting how he suddenly became better two years prior and then made a mess a year earlier. Although the boy said he faced dangerous criminals, his father didn't want to believe him. Then, Johnson said that he and the rest of the family were going to the Stool Annual Christmas Fair and that he wanted No-Life to clean the entire house while they were gone and left.
As they forgot to take some things, the family quickly returned to find the mess caused by a prank pulled by No-Life. Not knowing that it wasn't his fault, the parents grounded him even more.
Next day, on the Christmas Eve, Johnson and his family, except for No-Life, once again visited the Christmas Fair. At one point he, Otillie and Henry were strolling around when they witnessed the big Christmas Tree falling right in front of them by a masked criminal. They didn't know that it was No-Life himself, at least until he revealed everything on the big stage. Despite that, he got a big ovation and hosted a huge supper on the Fair. There, Johnson was relaxing, standing next to Lenny Jester, who at one point randomly looked at his face. When Colonel noticed that and asked the boy what did he want, his fake face glitched for a bit, which was noticed by Lenny. When he was called by his friend, the man immediately left, fearing that he could find himself in a bad situation if Lenny told his pal about the occurence. 
=== Lenny's Vlogs: The Revelation ===
Although Johnson assumed Lenny didn't notice the brief glitch of his "mask" during the Christmas party, he still had that in mind and was prepared in case something happened. And it indeed did, when nine months later, Lenny visited No-Life's house to try and catch both of No-Life's parents' faces on video. When after some attempts he sneaked into the attic, Johnson knew it was only the matter of time before he would find proofs of his past actions. When Lenny was about to show one photograph to his camera, the man smacked him with a baseball bat, causing him to lose conciousness. Johnson then looked down at Lenny, saying to himself that he got one step too close.
=== Johnson's Vengeance ===
Johnson is set to appear in the movie as the main villain.
After some events in-between and Lenny's friends also discovering his identity, Colonel Johnson suited up in his armour and headed towards Phil's Mansion to "clear some things out".
=== No-Life's Alone in Paris ===
He appeared in No-Life's memory, during his fight with Le Collecteur, when it was revealed that the latter is both a villain and a father as well. No-Life saw his own dad in the robber and gave him the final blow, finally getting over his trauma caused by his parent's true nature.
== Appearances ==
# A Christmas Carol by No-Life
# No-Life's Home Alone
# How No-Life Stole Christmas
# In Search of the Scarlet Griffin 2/5 (voice)
# In Search of the Scarlet Griffin 3/5
# In Search of the Scarlet Griffin 5/5 (cameo)
# Lenny's Vlogs: The Revelation
#No-Life's Alone in Paris (flashback cameo)
# Johnson's Vengeance
== Trivia ==
* As the plan for No-Life's father to be Colonel Johnson didn't exist back in 2016, he doesn't have his iconic beard in A Christmas Carol by No-Life.
**This fact is retconned and in-universe he always had a beard in both the real and fake face.
* The beard he uses for his fake face is actually the beard from Johnson's old template used in Spongebob: Invasion From the Land.
Category:Characters
Category:Male characters
Category:Villains
Category:No-Life's family
Category:Humans