"Tales of Killeen and Eviscerator" - Chapter 1: The Big Fat Kill

The first chapter of "Tales of Killeen and Eviscerator," entitled "The Big Fat Kill,"  recounts the assassination of a large number of criminals involved in London's underground sex trade. The two crime-fighting teenagers had been following the movements of this particular organization for several months, and knew certain members to be guilty of kidnapping, human trafficking, rape, torture, slavery, and mass murder.
=="The Big Fat Kill"==
Killeen, The Dark Maiden, leaned languidly against a grimey old phone booth, her piercing dark eyes fixed on the night club across the street from her. She was dressed in a long, black trench coat and grey cargo pants, and was humming along quietly to "The Islander" by Nightwish, which was playing on her Ipod. Suddenly, Killeen felt the smart phone in one of her pockets vibrate, and she quickly checked the screen, which read: 1 New Text Message. She tapped the notification with her thumb, and when the message flashed onto the screen, she was relieved to see it was from Eve, and was even more relived at the two words he had written: Almost There. Good. They had scheduled the mission for 6:15 P.M. sharp, and it was currently almost 6:00 P.M. already. Knowing he would be arriving on foot, she glanced around to see if he might be coming around a corner already. No such luck.
The night club across the street, an establishment called Dance Riot, was one of several such establishments owned by a local prostitution ring. Naturally, it was a front for the underground sex trade. Killeen and Eviscerator, to whom she referred to as Eve, much to his chagrin, had been steadily working their way up this organization's chain of command over the past several months. Thanks to the 21st century and the advent of the internet, they never needed to torture anyone for information, as all they needed to know could usually be found in their deceased target's email inbox. This was something the duo very much appreciated, as neither had a penchant for torture. Tonight was the final step in eradicating this particular criminal enterprise, as they had found the details for tonight's gathering on their last target's computer, and it so happened that the organization's boss, an entity referred to internally as Artemis, would be in attendance, along with several other high ranking underlings. He was scheduled to arrive in a limozine at 6:15, and from the tone of the email, it was highly unlikely that he would be late. As the organization had the local police on payroll, the duo would not need to worry about law enforcement complications. Despite this, there was no doubt that this job would be extremely dangerous. 
Killeen's Ipod had just started up a new track, "Fires at Midnight" by Blackmore's Night, when she felt someone tap her on the shoulder. She jumped and whirled around, fists raised defensively, but she lowered them at the sight of the fencing mask and red baseball cap that greeted her. It was Eviscerator. 
"Sorry I took so long. My boss wanted me to do inventory after my shift ended. Ass clown. Anyway, what's up? We doing this thing or what?" said Eviscerator in a would-be-casual tone, trying to mask his apprehension. This was easily the biggest job they had ever undertaken, and there was no telling how it would turn out. 
Yanking her earbuds out of her ears and stowing them in the pockets of her cargo pants, Killeen replied, "Oh, no, I just thought we could go out dancing on Valentines Day. You know, nevermind that we've been planning this gig for about two weeks."
"Hey it is Valentines Day, isn't it? And you decided to spend it with me rather than your boyfriend. Touching." Eviscerator replied. He made sure his tone indicated sarcasm, but he was only half joking. It exhilarated him to know that she was spending Valentines Day with him, even it held no romantic meaning. 
"Wrong," Killeen shot back, grinning inwardly, "We blew off school and spent the day together. He got me flowers, we had a classy, romantic lunch, and caught a movie. Nicest thing you've ever done for me was ask if I wanted Lady Night sharpened for free."
"An offer which still stands, I might add," said Eviscerator, trying not to show the inner turmoil her words were causing him, "anyway, what movie did you see?" 
"We went to one of those theaters that plays, like, not just new releases, and we watched The Two Towers. He knows it's one of my all time favorites." Killeen replied smugly. She adored Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings trilogy, regarding them as some of the most well made movies of all time.
"You're a GIANT nerd." Replied Eviscerator.
"And you're not? Anyway let's focus on the job at hand, yea? You know, murder and such?" Killeen replied, keen on shifting the conversation away from her love life. Eviscerator was her friend, but she was also aware that he had a massive crush on her, and so she felt awkward whenever they discussed her romantic endeavors. He did a decent job of hiding his feelings, often masking them behind laughter or sarcasm, but Killeen could see it. He pined after her. She found it flattering, but also felt bad for what she considered "stringing him along."
"Why do you have to call it that? We're delivering the justice that the useless legal system is incapable of dispensing. It's not murder." Protested Eviscerator indignantly.
"Sorry, you're right," Killeen said, not wanting to sour the mood. They needed clear heads if they wanted to prevail tonight.
"You've got the troops in position?" Eviscerator asked.
"Yep," replied Killeen, "been there for about an hour and a half. It's amazing how easy it is to hide corpses in a dumpster when they just climb in willingly." 
"Yea...Oh, damn, there's the limo. You ready?" Asked Eviscerator. His palms were begining to sweat, as was his face underneath the stifling fencing mask.
"Ready as I'll ever be," replied Killeen, fidgeting nervously.
With that, Eviscerator began walking back toward the end of the street that the afformentioned limo was driving down. As he reached the end of the block, he crossed the street and began walking back toward Dance Riot, now effectively behind the limo. As he did this, the limo came to stop in front of the night club. Killeen glanced at her phone, it read 6:15 P.M.
"Showtime," she muttered. Accessing the mental link that was always hovering in the back of her mind, Killeen concentrated on executing her part of the plan. As the two burley bouncers stationed at the club door moved forward to escort the V.I.P. guests into the club, dark figures began clambering out of the dumpsters in the alley behind Dance Riot. There were 5 of them in total, all over 6 feet tall and quite muscular. Never leaving the interior of the phone booth, Killeen guided her undead minions from the dumpsters to the front of the club, where the bouncers could be seen escorting Artemis, a tall, fat man in an exorbitantly expensive suit, and 3 other men up to the doors. At the same instant, Eviscerator had drawn level with the limo, and was coming up behind the group of men. At the sight of the 5 large, blank eyed men barring the doorway to the night club, the bouncers and their wards halted.
"Oi," one of the bouncers shouted in a thick London accent, "What you think you're doin', eh? Get out the way, or my learned colleague and I will have to give you a thrashing!"
When the zombies did not move, the two bouncers started forward, drawing their fists back to strike. Eviscerator and Killeen acted at the same time. The bouncer that had spoken went down in a heap as Killeen used one of her zombies to break the man's arm. After the bouncer was down, Killeen had the zombie start turning the man's face into hamburger meat, a process which usually only took a few minutes. She had used her other four undead servants to tear the other bouncer into several pieces, his blood spraying in all directions. 
While Killeen took care of the two bouncers, Eviscerator moved in to terminate their now defenseless targets. Drawing his sword, he advanced stealthily on the unsuspecting group as they watched the bouncers prepare to engage the zombies. Eviscerator took the first man's head off with a single swing, which was no mean feat, particularly with a short sword like his Ninja-to. He'd been practicing that one for a while, and had had many botched attempts in the past. Before the other three men could register the fact that one of their company had just been relieved of his head, and that his blood was currently spouting in gouts onto their faces and clothes, Eviscerator had taken another one of them through the gut, his signature move, wrenching his blade across the man's stomach before removing it, so that the man's entrails would spill out grotesquely. It was not about some sort of sick gratification on his part, but rather about sending a message to the sex-offending criminal scum that he so detested. After killing the second man, Artemis and his remaining lackey were both backing up and drawing pistols from beneath their jackets. Eviscerator wasn't worried. He knew he only needed to worry about one, and that Killeen would take care of the other one before either had a chance to pull the trigger. Choosing to deal with the nearer of the two, the underling, Eviscerator deftly sliced off the man's gun hand, and it, along with the hand gun, fell to the ground. the man stared in shock at the severed stump where his hand had once been, now spewing fountains of blood into the air. Not pausing to admire his handiwork, Eviscerator finished the man by bringing his sword down with full force onto the man's skull, the blade splitting the man's head in half vertically. As he had been dispatching his third opponent, Killeen had intercepted Artemis with two of her undead servants. After relieving him of his gun, she used her zombies to hold the man fast until Eviscerator could attend to him. Whipping his blade free of the skull of the man he had just slain, Eviscerator turned and leveled his sword at Artemis, who was now on his knees, Killeen's zombies holding him by the arms. The man began to cry and beg for his life, sobbing uncontrollably as he shut his eyes and shook his head at the gory scene. Eviscerator snorted with contempt. They were all the same. Bullies, content to profit off the mistreatment and misfortune of others, but unwilling to accept a bit of karma when it came to bite them in the ass. They made him sick. He thought back to that day nearly a year ago when he had killed his science teacher. Human garbage, the lot of them. His contemplation was broken when he heard Killeen walking up behind him. 
"Well that went fairly smoothly," said Eviscerator in a nonchalant tone.
"I mean, yea, I suppose so. Will you listen to this sniveling rape-bag? I think it's time his life came to an end," said Killeen. She turned to Artemis, who was now grovelling at their feet, swearing he would not tell anyone anything, and promising to give them absurd amounts of money if they let him live, "you want to do last rights, Eve, or shall I?"
"Together, I think. Like the Boondock Saints, yea?" Replied Eviscerator. 
Killeen grinned. Boondock Saints was a favorite of both of theirs, and they had watched it several times together. "Okay, let's do it," she replied breathlessly.
Eviscerator then placed his blood and brain covered sword against Artemis' ample stomach, and he and Killeen began to recite in unison, "Basest criminal, vial scum, we elimate you one by one. You profit from torture, death, and dispair, but know that you no longer breathe the free air. Because violence comes to claim its due, and on this night that due is you. For we are death, and we have arrived, with violence, the supreme authority, from which all other authority is derived."
As the rhyme came to an end, Eviscerator plunged his sword into the man's fat stomach, twisting it as he dragged it across Artemis' torso in the long, jagged incision that formed his namesake. Artemis' scream of agony was broken as he began choking on his own blood, which was beginning to bubble at the corners of his mouth. It was not a fast way to die, and it was far from a painless way to die. He would lie there for several minutes in all encompassing, incomprehensible pain before he died, to incapacitated to make a sound. 
"That was totally badass, we need to do last rights together every time!" Laughed Killeen.
Eviscerator smiled and nodded, saying, "Yea, that totally gave me goosebumps. You're sure there's no one important in the club?"
"We've already hit everyone else important enough to have a hand in running this scumbag prostitution ring, so I doubt there's anyone left who can maintain order after those last four head honchos." Killeen replied.
"Alright, let's get the hell out of here then," said Eviscerator.
"Cool," said Killeen, "I'll email you with info and stuff for our next 'project,'" She smiled, and for a moment there was an awkward pause in which she felt a more intimate goodbye was required. A hug? No, too extreme. A handshake? What kind of friends shake hands? She settled for waving nervously and turned to leave, confused thoughts about how she felt about Eviscerator swirling through her brain. Eviscerator stood there for a few more minutes watching her walk away from him, mentally berating himself for not making a better move. Then he turned slowly, and walked away.
Category:Gratuitous Violence