Headhunters 5: The Hateful Eight

==Introduction==
What does Tee Higgins have in common with the Higgs Boson pre-2012? You couldn't find either of them. 
==In Memoriam: RIP Diggs my RIP for sure-oh==
It says a lot about the heart and soul of this team that they survived this long despite numerous setbacks. Tee Diggs my Chubb for sure-oh lost his Chubb early. Tee Higgins battled health issues and was on again/off again like Ross and Rachel. And like Matthew Perry's life, things were finally starting to look up for RIP Diggs right before the end. Tyreek Hill was set to join the squad, but it wasn't meant to be. 
It is poetic that last season, RIP lost the championship game because a Bills game got cancelled. And now this year he lost because the Broncos cancelled the Bills' season entirely. It also says a lot about the cruelty of fantasy that 164th overall pick Jaylen Warren outscored 20th overall pick Stefon Diggs, or that $0 Tyler Boyd outscored $79 Hollywood Brown. But that is the way it went for RIP in 2023. He made many ill-advised overbids ($275 worth) to bring in QBs he never started and defenses that he dropped. He started a Rashid Shaheed and Derek Carr stack 9 times. He got five games out of *checks notes* Samaje Perine. And we haven't even mentioned that Anthony Richardson was on this team at one point.
At the end of the day, the one loss this team couldn't survive was a lost fumble by James Cook. The Müller Lite player was benched for a quarter, and then came back with a vengeance in the second half. He ran so well that he managed to eliminate Nate in this league and also cost him a critical matchup in another league simply by keeping the ball out of Josh Allen's hands. MNF is the cruelest game in sports, and this week it came for Nate. 
RIP Diggs:
==Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020 v 2021 v 2022 v 2023)==
Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020 v 2021 v 2022 v 2023)
Team 	2023 Finish	2022 Finish	2021 Finish	2020 Finish	2019 Finish
Hasta Laviska Baby 	18th (-17) 	1st (+16) 	17th (-7) 	10th (+2) 	12th
Out of Luck 	17th (-13) 	4th (+-0) 	4th (+1) 	5th (+9) 	14th
Bobecue Chicken 	16th (-1) 	15th (-12) 	3rd (+14) 	17th (-10) 	7th
Jethro's Glorious Team 	15th (+1) 	N/A 	16th (-7) 	9th (+7) 	16th
Al Snow's Fav Squad 	14th (+-0) 	14th (+2) 	19th (-6) 	3rd (-2) 	1st
The Guilloteam 	13th (-2) 	11th (+2) 	13th (-6) 	7th (-4) 	3rd
deCaPitated 	12th (-9) 	3rd (+11) 	14th (-8) 	6th (-4) 	2nd
What Hurts Moore? 	11th (+6) 	16th (-6) 	11th (-9) 	2nd 	N/A
Extra Tight Ends 	10th (+2) 	12th (-2) 	10th (+6) 	16th (-11) 	5th
RIP Diggs my RIP for sure-oh	9th (-7) 	2nd (+7) 	9th (+6) 	15th (-9) 	6th
And just like that there are more eliminated teams than non-eliminated teams. 
==Dead Money==
Keeping track of all the cash that never got spent by teams that are now eliminated.
Dead Money 2023
Dead Money	% of Total Eliminated Cash
$4,931 	49%
$185 left over for RIP Diggs and still, after 10 weeks, close to half the money has gone unspent by eliminated teams. 
==Top New Releases==
#Tyreek Hill
#Stefon Diggs
#Rachaad White
#Tee Higgins
#DJ Moore
Tyreek Hill curse confirmed real. 
==Week Ten Bidding Results==
Week Ten Bidding Results
Player 	Winning Team 	Winning Bid	Next Highest Bid
Josh Jacobs 	Obi-Wan Mahomie 	$161 	$70 (RIP Diggs)
Travis Kelce 	Headless Horsemen 	$130 	$107 (RIP Diggs)
Tyreek Hill 	RIP Diggs my RIP for sure-oh	$107 	$103 (Henry VIII)
Jerome Ford 	RIP Diggs my RIP for sure-oh	$70 	$17 (Headless Horsemen)
Kenneth Walker III	Henry VIII 	$34 	$26 (Headless Horsemen)
Puka Nacua 	Henry VIII 	$31 	$5 (Bad Boys II)
DeAndre Hopkins 	Henry VIII 	$27 	$19 (Müller Lite)
Joshua Dobbs 	Jeff Probst' Tribe 	$25 	$23 (Henry VIII)
Buffalo Defense 	Headless Horsemen 	$7 	$4 (Obi-Wan Mahomie)
Drake London 	Müller Lite 	$6 	$3 (Headless Horsemen)
Jake Ferguson 	Müller Lite 	$1 	N/A
===Quick-Hit Thoughts===
*Last Year's Most Expensive Player: Justin Herbert - $137 (Bad Boys II)
*Biggest Overpay: Josh Jacobs ($91 over next highest bid - Obi-Wan)
*Narrowest Margin of Bid Victory: Tyreek Hill ($4 over next highest bid - RIPDiggs)
*Didn't end up hurting them, but Henry VIII made the bold decision to bench Kenneth Walker and start DeAndre Hopkins and it did NOT pay off. 
*Josh Jacobs going for more than Kelce or Hill is wild but one thing cannot be denied: he scored more points than both of them combined inw eek 10.
*Headless Horsemen was lurking this week, finishing 2nd to three bids and winning two, including Travis Kelce. 
==Excessive Spend==
Excessive spend is anything over a single dollar more than the next highest bid for the player you won, and does not take into account the talent level or value of the player.
Excessive Spend
Team 	Excessive Spend
Never Done This Before	$412
Headless Horsemen 	$332
What Hurts Moore? 	$284
RIP Diggs my RIP 	$275
deCaPitated 	$274
Henry VIII 	$259
Monty's Python 	$249
Obi-Wan Mahomie 	$185
Müller Lite 	$178
Jethro's Glorious Team	$146
Bobecue Chicken 	$138
Jeff Probst' Tribe 	$128
The Guilloteam 	$107
Bad Boys II 	$97
Extra Tight Ends 	$43
Al Snows Fav Squad 	$2
Bye Diggs goes out swinging. 
==Money Spent Per Week==
Money Spent Per Week
Week	Budget Spent 	Budget Spent (2022)	Budget Spent (2021)	Budget Spent (2020)	Budget Spent (2019)
2 	$2,315 (16 Players)	$1,560 (15 Players)	$9 (2 Players) 	$1,173 (12 Players)	$1,339 (7 Players)
3 	$1,423 (15 Players)	$1,160 (10 Players)	$1,283 (10 Players)	$1,033 (7 Players) 	$1,902 (15 Players)
4 	$1,256 (14 Players)	$1,475 (10 Players)	$657 (8 Players) 	$1,182 (11 Players)	$1,614 (11 Players)
5 	$1,612 (16 Players)	$1,740 (13 Players)	$1,376 (11 Players)	$181 (4 Players) 	$1,743 (14 Players)
6 	$1,203 (13 Players)	$1,355 (14 Players)	$1,231 (10 Players)	$1,542 (10 Players)	$1,018 (11 Players)
7 	$1,040 (16 Players)	$45 (6 Players) 	$965 (10 Players) 	$1,494 (13 Players)	$1,036 (9 Players)
8 	$1,244 (16 Players)	$1,085 (13 Players)	$2,159 (15 Players)	$1,938 (17 Players)	$630 (7 Players)
9 	$675 (11 Players) 	$552 (9 Players) 	$1,059 (12 Players)	$1,454 (12 Players)	$624 (6 Players)
10 	$599 (11 Players) 	$424 (14 Players) 	$1,393 (9 Players) 	$712 (6 Players) 	$386 (8 Players)
==Week Ten Results==
Week Ten Results
Finish (Last Week)	Player 	Total Points
1 (4) 	Jeff Probst' Tribe (Joe Cola) 	259.66
2 (1) 	Monty's Python (Derek) 	245.17
3 (5) 	Obi-Wan Mahomie (Wolfe) 	235.62
4 (2) 	Headless Horsemen (Andrew) 	230.33
5 (6) 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack (KVR) 	214.58
6 (9) 	Billy Jeans Ride or Die / Never Done This Before (Scott)	205.64
7 (8) 	Müller Lite (Roger) 	199.03
8 (7) 	Henry VIII (Commish) 	196.62
9 (3) 	RIP Diggs my RIP for sure-oh (Nate) 	163.61
10 	Extra Tight Ends (Keeling) 	0
11 	What Hurts Moore? (Coach Tebo) 	0
12 	deCaPitated (Chris) 	0
13 	The Guilloteam (Pat) 	0
14 	Al Snows Fav Squad (Zach) 	0
15 	Jethro's Glorious Team (Jethro) 	0
16 	Bobecue Chicken (Bob) 	0
17 	Out of Luck (Papa) 	0
18 	Hasta Laviska Baby (Jared) 	0
*Biggest Climber: Jeff Probst/Billy Jean (^3)
*Biggest Faller: Tee Diggs (v6)
After climbing seven spots, Diggs plummets six and drops right out of the race. 
==Draft Dodgers==
Team Results Based on Draft Position
Draft Pick	Team 	Week Eliminated
1 	Obi-Wan Mahomie 	ALIVE
2 	Extra Tight Ends 	9
3 	The Guilloteam 	6
4 	What Hurts Moore? 	8
5 	Al Snows Fav Squad 	5
6 	Henry VIII 	ALIVE
7 	Müller Lite 	ALIVE
8 	Never Done This Before 	ALIVE
9 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack 	ALIVE
10 	Jethro's Glorious Team 	4
11 	Monty's Python 	ALIVE
12 	Bobecue Chicken 	3
13 	Out of Luck 	2
14 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	1
15 	Headless Horsemen 	ALIVE
16 	Jeff Probst' Tribe 	ALIVE
17 	Tee Diggs my Chubb for sure-oh	10
18 	deCaPitated 	7
==Kings of the Castle==
Got a lot going on so need to blow through these today fellas. 
===1. Jeff Probst' Tribe===
I was wondering how this team has managed to pull ahead of the pack and I realized it's because he's in New Zealand and it's already tomorrow there. So he gets to see the future and plan his lineup. Time travel aside, he also is one of the only teams rostering a literal Sun God, which in Headhunters is good for 41.14 points. His cup also runneth over with good fantasy QBs, including but not limited to Joshua the alopecia fashionista and Russell "Is he back?" Wilson. 
===2. Monty's Python===
CeeDee Lamb is on a mission to make me look like an idiot after I ripped Coach Big Game Tebo (AKA What Hurts Moore) for trading AJ Brown for CeeDee in a dynasty league (with draft picks involved). Ever since then it's been CeeDee Lamb vs. errybody (but mostly vs. me). 
===3. Obi-Wan Mahomie===
What a difference reliable RBs make. Not sure how excited we should be to get Matthew Stafford back this week, but owning CMC is like having a third QB with how much he scores so not too concerning. Honestly it's wild that he was down so bad at the position and then managed to swing CMC out from under KVR's nose, and he snagged Josh Jacobs who I thought was dead but apparently Antonio Pierce thinks he's the linch pin of the whole operation over there in Vegas so fuck me, right? As long as T.J. Hockenson can keep his back intact for another few weeks this team should be rockin' and rollin'. 
===4. Headless Horsemen===
Recovered from his TE loss with a nice pickup (Njoku for Meyers in a trade with Commish). But that was a one-week stopgap as now it is Travis Kelce time. This team came on strong early, then sort of coasted, and has made money moves in recent weeks to become a team to beat. The big story here though is the 22nd overall pick: Dak Attack. Dak Imprescott continues to wow, giving us probably the most boring Cowboys season in recent memory with blowout after blowout, even when they lose. 
==On the Chopping Block==
=== 8. Henry VIII ===
Had a nice fried chicken lunch with KVR and he got in my head that there was no way I could bench Jordan Addison so I benched Kenneth Walker and look where that got me. Nearly chopped. Brock Purdy nearly doubling up Lamar Jackson wasn't on my bingo card either. At least D'Onta Foreman continues to be the best backup RB in the NFL, and Deebo being back is nice. 
===7. Müller Lite===
Müller Lite was on Müller Life Support for a while there, but then he used the Headhunters cheat code and sent the text you've all sent at some point. You know the one. The "welp, it was fun while it lasted text." The "it's me this week" text. The "Better luck next year. Have fun with my players" text. And you all know that if you hit the wave just right, it can reverse jinx the week. And in this case it did because Justin Herbert went bonkers in the 2nd half and saved this guy's ass. 
===6. Billy Jeans Ride or Die===
This team name reference goes way over my head but it's better than the Hoyer one so I'll acknowledge it in the writeup. Jahmyr Gibbs me chills the way he runs the ball, and the Geno to Lockett hookup is always reliable. Will Levis might have run out of magic though, and there isn't a lot to pick from on the open market for QBs. Plus, with $3 to his name, there wouldn't be much anyway. 
===5. Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack===
Bad Boys is looking to become the first team to build a super power, blow it all up, and then build it again in time to win a championship. It was fun watching him make moves live over a plate of super hot southern wings, but heartbreaking to watch him realize he had gotten too excited and traded half of his good players and would need to use all his newfound money just to buy them back up again. 
==Average Scores of Eliminated Teams==
Average Scores of Eliminated Teams
Team 	Average Score	Weeks Played
Extra Tight Ends 	199.70 	9
Al Snow's Fav Squad 	181.30 	5
What Hurts Moore? 	177.12 	8
RIP Diggs my RIP for sure-oh	175.55 	10
DeCaPitated 	172.53 	7
The Guilloteam 	169.07 	6
Jethro's Glorious Team 	163.20 	4
Out of Luck 	160.68 	2
Bobecue Chicken 	140.44 	3
Hasta Laviska Baby 	97.49 	1
RIP. 
== Narrow Defeats==
Margin of Defeat for Last Place Teams:
Margin of Defeat for Eliminated Teams
Team 	Margin of Defeat	Week Eliminated
Hasta Laviska Baby 	1.21 	1
Jethro's Glorious Team 	4.13 	4
The Guilloteam 	10.69 	6
What Hurts Moore? 	12.08 	8
Out of Luck 	14.67 	2
Extra Tight Ends 	15.02 	9
Bobecue Chicken 	21.19 	3
RIP Diggs my RIP for sure-oh	33.01 	10
deCaPitated 	45.13 	7
Al Snow's Fav Squad 	50.59 	5
== Unique Players Started ==
How many unique players (Defense included) were started by each team. The table can be sorted by players and also by week eliminated.
Unique Players Started
Team 	Players Started	Week Eliminated
RIP Diggs my RIP for sure-oh	27 	10
The Guilloteam 	25 	6
What Hurts Moore? 	21 	8
deCaPitated 	21 	7
Extra Tight Ends 	18 	9
Bobecue Chicken 	16 	3
Al Snow's Fav Squad 	15 	5
Jethro's Glorious Team 	12 	4
Out of Luck 	11 	2
Hasta Laviska Baby 	9 	1
==Rulers of the Kingdom==
2023 first place finishers:
 Top Scorers by Week
Week	Team 	Score
1 	Monty's Python 	228.65
2 	Extra Tight Ends 	227.45
3 	Headless Horsemen 	266.15
4 	Monty's Python (2) 	260.79
5 	Extra Tight Ends (2)	264.57
6 	Müller Lite 	208.67
7 	Extra Tight Ends (3)	250.96
8 	Bad Boys II 	286.71
9 	Monty's Python (3) 	267.95
10 	Jeff Probst' Tribe 	259.66
Torch still lit. 
==Dungeon Dwellers==
2023 teams that finished second-to-last, narrowly avoiding elimination:
Low Scorers by Week
Week	Team 	Score
1 	Extra Tight Ends 	98.70
2 	Never Done This Before 	150.50
3 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack 	124.83
4 	deCaPitated 	130.88
5 	Tee Diggs my RIP for sure-oh 	138.70
6 	Tee Diggs my RIP for sure-oh (2)	153.44
7 	Monty's Python 	154.43
8 	Tee Diggs my RIP for sure-oh (3)	170.50
9 	Never Done This Before (2) 	138.06
10 	Henry VIII 	196.62
The first second-to-last place above 171 points and somehow the first for Commish this season. 
==Single Season Scoring Records==
As teams get eliminated, their single season performance will appear here. Bolded lines indicate performances from the current season.
As predicted, RIP Diggs did not score enough in his extra week to catch up to Extra Tight Ends.
All-Time Single Season HH Point Records
Score 	Player 	Year
3,697.30	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2022
3,581.72	Beach McBungalow (Tee Diggs my Chubb)	2022
3428.76 	CP 	2019
3402.18 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2019
3363.88 	CP (deCaPitated) 	2022
3121.28 	Return of the Mac 	2021
3049.02 	Bobecue Chicken 	2021
3015.53 	Mixon Beer 	2020
3013.13 	Müller Lite 	2021
2997.67 	The Guilloteam 	2019
2980.07 	Last Coach Standing 	2020
2833.37 	Out of Luck 	2022
2743.25 	@FFDraftScott 	2020
2733.07 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2020
2709.59 	Mac 	2019
2677.20 	Out of Luck 	2021
2675.14 	Wildcat (no QBs no problem) 	2022
2620.18 	The Titanic 	2021
2614.60 	burrow for sure-oh 	2022
2438.96 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack 	2022
2422.98 	I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls 	2019
2377.31 	The Guilloteam 	2020
2285.51 	CP 	2020
2282.91 	Out of Luck 	2020
2262.36 	Bad Boys 	2021
2233.57 	Soul Survivor (burrow for sure-oh) 	2021
2134.22 	I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls 	2021
2046.35 	LIVEWithIt 	2019
2034.86 	Laser Rocket Arms 	2022
1941.63 	Bobecue Chicken 	2019
1939.02 	Beach McBungalow 	2021
1936.45 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	2021
1862.19 	Henry VIII 	2022
1817.79 	Carole Pigskin 	2020
1797.24 	Extra Tight Ends 	2023
1755.51 	RIP Diggs my RIP for sure-oh 	2023
1749.51 	The Guilloteam 	2021
1736.99 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	2019
1611.76 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	2020
1512.91 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	2020
1509.41 	CP 	2021
1483.70 	Last Coach Standing 	2021
1473.18 	Henry VIII 	2021
1439.40 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2020
1416.99 	What Hurts Moore? 	2023
1357.00 	Henry VIII 	2019
1351.99 	Muller Lite 	2022
1300.35 	The Guilloteam 	2022
1238.56 	Bluedevils 	2019
1207.69 	deCaPitated 	2023
1182.09 	Mixon Beer with Liquor 	2021
1160.81 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	2021
1132.61 	Henry VIII 	2020
1116.98 	Shotti's Bugatti 	2020
1055.63 	Mac 	2020
1049.89 	LIVEWithIt 	2020
1014.40 	The Guilloteam 	2023
991.57 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2021
975.59 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2019
906.48 	Al Snows Fav Squad 	2023
806.27 	Mixon It Up With Mahomie 	2022
768.10 	Shotti's Bugatti 	2021
717.82 	Out of Luck 	2019
713.12 	I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls 	2020
708.44 	The Executioner 	2022
652.79 	Jethro's Glorious Team 	2023
544.55 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2021
489.42 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2022
481.22 	@FFDraftScott 	2019
459.96 	Bobecue Chicken 	2020
421.33 	Bobecue Chicken 	2023
324.28 	Bobecue Chicken 	2022
321.35 	Out of Luck 	2023
294.62 	Steve Blackman's Nun 	2021
286.36 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	2019
262.69 	Bad Boys 	2020
123.21 	CoachKnows 	2022
115.16 	Mixon Beer 	2019
97.49 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2023
96.56 	Steve Blackman's Nun 	2020
==All-Time Combined Points Scored==
Same as above: eliminated teams will have their 2023 season added to the total. Bolded lines indicate that the record has been updated through 2023.
Diggs becomes the 2nd team to break 10,000 yards, soon to be joined by Billy Jean and potentially Obi-Wan if they survive another couple of weeks. 
 All-Time Combined Points Records
Score 	Player 	Years Played	Per Season Avg.
11,795.25	deCaPitated 	5 	2,359.05
10,382.49	Tee Diggs my Chubb 	5 	2,076.50
9439.24 	The Guilloteam 	5 	1,887.85
8832.65 	Out of Luck 	5 	1766.53
8075.70 	Al Snows Fav Squad 	5 	1,615.14
7879.51 	Never Done This Before 	4 	
7873.83 	Extra Tight Ends 	5 	1,574.77
7594.94 	Obi-Wan Mahomie 	4 	
7201.35 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	5 	1440.27
6987.92 	Monty's Python 	4 	
6665.96 	burrow for sure-oh (defunct) 	3 	2221.98
6439.42 	Bad Boys 	4 	
6196.22 	Bobecue Chicken 	5 	1,239.24
6,003.97 	What Hurts Moore? 	4 	1,500.99
5824.98 	Henry VIII 	4 	
5186.35 	Neck-Fix and Chill (defunct) 	3 	1728.78
4365.12 	Müller Lite 	2 	
3711.72 	Jethro's Glorious Team 	4 	927.93
1885.08 	Shotti's Bugatti (defunct) 	2 	942.54
1238.56 	Bluedevils (defunct) 	1 	1238.56
698.91 	Phillip's Team (defunct) 	1 	698.91
391.19 	Steve Blackman's Nun (defunct)	2 	195.60
==Remaining Budget==
Remaining Budget as of 10/31/23
Player 	Total Budget
Müller Lite 	$514
Henry VIII 	$336
Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack	$286
Obi-Wan Mahomie 	$268
Monty's Python 	$161
Jeff Probst' Tribe 	$93
Headless Horsemen 	$40
Billy Jeans Ride or Die 	$3
RIP Diggs my RIP for sure-oh	0
Extra Tight Ends 	0
What Hurts Moore? 	0
deCaPitated 	0
The Guilloteam 	0
Al Snows Fav Squad 	0
Jethro's Glorious Team 	0
Bobecue Chicken 	0
Out of Luck 	0
Hasta Laviska Baby 	0
==Conclusion==
In a very tragic turn of events, I will actually have to work in an office next week so I don't know when to expect the weekly Tuesday writeup. It might be around bedtime. It was fun while it lasted, but daddy's gotta go back to bringing home the bacon. I'll still get something out, but without as much love and care.