The Life and Times of Existant

This is the forty-third episode of The SBFW Chronicles.
==Transcript==
(Existant is trying on new hats in their bedroom)
Existant: Top hat, no. Cowboy hat, no. Party hat, no. Aha! Perfect. (pulls out another hat) A propeller hat. Perfect for a cloudy Sunday afternoon.
(Existant goes outside with the propeller hat, and spins the propeller on it. They start flying into the air, and notice a giant ugly creature waving to them)
Existant: What the fuck? (rubs eyes) If my eyes aren't deceiving me, that's Mr. Rrarrg. From… my fanfiction?
(Existant flies back down as they see that it really is Rrarrg)
Rrarrg: rrrraarrarg (where the hell am I?)
Existant: Welcome to my world, Rrarrg.
Rrarrg: rrarrg. Rrarrg? (cool. But how do I get out?)
Existant: Where did you come from even?
Rrarrg: Your computer. I was just minding my own business, when WHAM! I get sucked into a wormhole and viola, I'm now here in your world.
Existant: Oh my, seems you're in quite the predicament. Don't worry, I have an idea.
Rrarrg: rrrarrg (oh thank Neptune, it's already quite hot in here. I'm used to the cold of the mountains back at home)
Existant: I see. (calls 9-1-1) Yeah there's an intruder in my house and I don't know what to do with it.
Rrarrg: RRARRG? (WHAT THE FUCK DUDE? I DIDNT THINK YOUD BE CALLING THE COPS ON ME!)
Existant: Well sorry, I just don't have any other ideas at the moment.
(A police car is heard approaching the house)
Rrarrg: RRARRG! (FUCK! THEY’RE HERE!)
Existant: Yup. My plan is, they'll capture you and try to find out where you're from. They'll probably find a way to deport- erm, I mean, get you back to where you were from.
Rrarrg: Fuck this shit. (breaks out of the house, leaving a wall)
Existant: Oh dear. (shrugs) Guess I'll have to tell them he got away. He's a runner.
Police officer: Where’s the perpetrator?
Existant: He got away. He’s running away.
Police officer: I see. Let’s get him!
Police officer 2: Grahhhh!
(The police officers run outside, and see Rrarrg trying to run away)
Rrarrg: rrarrg! (ahh!)
Police officer: (on megaphone) Come out with your hands up!
Rrarrg: rrarrg! (I don’t wanna!)
Police officer 2: Looks like he’s not cooperating. Initiating Plan B.
(Police officer 2 pulls out a gun and starts shooting at Rrarrg, who screams)
Rrarrg: rrarrarrg! (stop shooting! I’m too young to die!)
Police officer: Maybe, but you’re definitely not too ugly to die.
(The police officer shoots a gun at Rrarrg, leaving a gusher of blood spewing out of one of his barnacles. The officers laugh, but Rrarrg is unfazed, and he keeps running away)
Police officer 2: (trying to shoot again) Damn, we’re out of bullets!
Police officer: So what do we do now?
Police officer 2: (shrugs, and the other police officer sighs)
(Rrarrg runs behind a bus stop, and catches his breath)
Rrarrg: rrarrarrrg. (they can’t catch me here. suckers.)
(Just then, the two police officers catch up to him again and start surrounding him)
Rrarrg: rrarrg. (fuck.)
(Both of the police officers start brutally beating up Rrarrg, blood spewing everywhere. However, Rrarrg starts fighting back, landing punches on each of the police officers, knocking them out in almost an instant. Rrarrg stands up triumphantly, and then flees to a nearby library.)
Rrarrg: rrarrarrg (maybe i’ll get some answers from the local library.)
(Rrarrg enters the library, gaining stares from the others. He ignores this however, and gets onto a computer. He does some research on the computer)
Rrarrg: rrarrrarrg… (come on, come on…)
(The computer, rather slow, takes a bit of time to load the webpage he requested. It finally loads, but then the police barge in through the front doors)
Police officers: FREEZE! There is a runaway criminal creature in this building!
Rrarrg: rrarrg! (ahh!)
(Rrarrg frantically reads the article that has loaded)
Police officer 1: Where is that little fucker?
Librarian: Shh!
Police officer 1: (in the librarian’s face) SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!
Librarian: …Shh!
Police officer 2: Forget her, Randy, we need to find that creature before he causes another rampage.
Rrarrg: rrarrg! (okay, let’s do this!)
(Rrarrg presses some buttons on the computer, and the computer sucks him in. The police officers just arrive and miss him)
Police officer 1: FUCK!
Librarian: Shh! You’re going to be kicked out of here if you don’t keep it quiet.
Police officer 1: (growls)
(Cut to Rrarrg, who goes through a wormhole between the library computer and his own universe. He lands on the other side, which is inside his shack. Grugg wakes up)
Grugg: grugg? (huh?)
Rrarrg: rrarrg! (grugg! I’m finally back!)
Grugg: grugg? Grugg. (huh? I didn’t even know you were gone. I was playing ping-pong with myself.)
Rrarrg: rrarrg. (oh.) (sits down on the couch and sulks)
(The episode ends)
Category:Transcripts
Category:Episode transcripts
Category:Episodes
Category:2023
Category:2023 Episodes
Category:2023 Transcripts
Category:Episodes written by FireMatch
Category:FireMatch
Category:2020s