Stairway to Heaven

Stairway to Heaven is the sixty-second episode of Cult of Squid. It released on December 25th, 2022 and was written by Locknloaded23 and Purple133.
==Plot==
Angelic forces arrive in the North, and they bring very dire news regarding one of the cult members.
==Transcript==
(Episode begins with a winged creature emerging from a burning pit in the ground; two more creatures hit the ground in adjacent spots and also emerge from their burning pits)
Creature 1: Rigel, Destria, you know why we’re here, right?
Rigel: Yes, Anna. Let's cut to the chase; where is the key?
Anna: It should be with Destria. 
Destria: I have the key. We just need to find the vessel before he’s compromised. 
Anna: Agreed.
Rigel: Do we need to use force, sister?
Anna: No, not unless it’s necessary.
Rigel: So, who’s the vessel?
Anna: Oh yeah, I suppose I forgot to fill you in. Well, I believe it’s a being called a “Noseward.”
(Slow fade to the Komrades base without Squidward)
Noseward: It’s been quite a while since Squidward left. I hope he’s doing alright out there.
Krabs: We can only hope the negotiations are going adequately.
(Fade to Squidward sitting on the floor of the cabin, unconscious from the blow; he eventually wakes up, and we see his blurry vision; cut back to Squidward on the floor, shaking a bit, but eventually pulling himself off the floor; he surveys the cabin, seeing no one is there, and simply puts his jacket on and limps out the door. We see Squidward walk through the cold, harsh snow for 20 seconds, until he opens the door to the base)
Noseward: Squidward! How’d it go?
(Squidward doesn’t respond; instead, he limps to the inside and simply sits on the ground)
Noseward: Squidward? How’d it go? Squidward?
Squidward: (Brief pause; Through gritted teeth) I don’t. Want to talk about it.
Noseward: But you-
Squidward: (Suddenly shouting) LEAVE ME ALONE. I SAID I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
Noseward: (Short pause) Okay, I guess I’ll leave you be.
(Noseward walks away and it zooms in on Squidward’s visibly angry face; cut to Noseward, Security, and Plankton in a random side room)
Security: I heard your, uh, “conversation” in the other room. I can only assume the meeting… didn’t go too well.
Noseward: (Sighs) It wouldn’t appear so.
Plankton: What do you think happened?
Noseward: It doesn’t really matter what I “think” happened, I just know it didn’t go well and that just spells more trouble for us.
Plankton: More than we’re already in?
Crayons: Those Snowflakes seem like a true force to be reckoned with… if this meeting didn’t go well, then who knows how the group’s standings with us are. 
Noseward: Well, my biggest concern right now is that we end up right back in another fight. We just got away from Bikini Bottom and now what, we just have to face down another group similar to our own?
Security: I certainly hope not, especially given the fact that they seem to know the region much better.
Noseward: But I’m talking bigger picture, what would the point even be?
Crayons: You guys are being too pessimistic. Remember how our battle with Satan seemed impossible? Remember how that turned out? Remember all the other groups who challenged us that we fought, and who always came out on top? Us. The Cult is unstoppable. The battle with Phoenix was only a setback; eventually, we’ll go back there and beat them, we just came in unprepared the first time.
Noseward: You’re right, we can’t be stopped, we beat back Satan himself. We’ve come back from worse, we’ll recover and be better for it.
Crayons: That’s the spirit!
(Suddenly, a bright white light fills the room and three winged creatures stand before the cultists)
Crayons: Oh Neptune, I’ve gone blind!
Rigel: Be not afraid!
Noseward: (Squints to adjust to the light, notices angels in front of him) Woah… You guys are pretty freaky what with the six wings and all, what are you?
Rigel: I am the angel Rigel, and these are my sisters Anna and Destria. 
Anna: Greetings, mortals.
Destria: Hello, cultists. 
Squidward: (Blinking to adjust to the brightness) What are you guys doing here? Did one of us die?
Anna: Don’t be silly. If you died, you would know it.
Security: Well, some of us have actually bit the dust before, so it’s safe to assume they of all people would know what death is like.
Anna: We’re here to help prevent a war, and you’re going to help us do that.
Noseward: A war? Wait… I remember being told something about a war. Is this the war that angel dude was talking about?
Anna: His name is Uriah, and I’m afraid so. Azryth has completed his demonic army and they outnumber us one hundred fold. 
Crayons: Noseward warned us about this.
Destria: Did you say, Noseward?
Crayons: Yeah, why?
Anna: The “Noseward” is the one we came here to retrieve.
Squidward: Hold on, hold on. Why do you want Noseward?
Rigel: He’s set to be Azryth’s vessel. Azryth was a seafarer before he died and was reborn as a demon, so his curse was for his vessel to be a creature of the sea.
Squidward: But… why a sea creature?
(The angels exchange eachother glances)
Anna: We don’t know.
Rigel: All we know is Azryth refers to the Noseward as… “The Mighty.”
Noseward: “The Mighty?” What the Hell could that mean?
Anna: We only know as much as you do.
Noseward: That’s odd. I don’t feel very mighty at all. I’m literally just a nose. What could he possibly mean by that?
Squidward: I have one more question.
Anna: Ask away.
Squidward: What exactly do you want to… do with Noseward?
(The angels look at each other and then back at Squidward)
Squidward: I don’t like this silence.
Rigel: Squidward… we ask for forgiveness for what we are about to do. But please be aware, we’re not doing it with ill intent.
Squidward: Hold on, HOLD ON - what does that even mean?
Anna: We have to kill Noseward.
(Before Squidward and the rest could react, the angels fill the room with a bright white light as we see Noseward duck for cover)
Squidward: SH[dolphin chirp]! EVERYONE, PROTECT NOSEWARD AT ALL COSTS!
(Security throws a chair at Rigel and it disintegrates as soon as it touches his wing)
Brother Cactus: Why do you keep doing that?
Security: Doing what?
Brother Cactus: Throwing chairs at bad guys! What could you possibly be hoping to achieve?
Security: Why are you talking for once when we need to be protecting Noseward?
(Brother Cactus gets smote by Rigel)
Rigel: (Deep, booming voice) IF YOU HAND OVER THE NOSEWARD, WE WILL LET YOU ALL WALK AWAY WITH YOUR LIVES.
Squidward: WHY DID YOU KILL BROTHER CACTUS?
Anna: That is a valid question. Why did you have to kill that mortal? They weren’t the one who threw the chair.
Rigel: I’m trying to prevent war from spilling out across all eight planes of existence in this dimension, Anna. Heaven, Earth, and Hell specifically, but you know that it could spill out even further!
Anna: But killing innocents is completely irresponsible. You could have killed the one who tried attacking you!
Rigel: Does it matter that much, sister? We have a goal here, and I’m trying to accomplish it via any means necessary!
Destria: Guys! Let’s just take Noseward and get as much information out of him as we can.
Anna: No, not unless Rigel promises to never kill an innocent ever again.
Rigel: Why is this bothering you so much? We’re getting no closer to our goal by arguing!
Squidward: (Whispers at Noseward) Noseward, they’re distracted. Quick, run for it!
(A golden cage suddenly surrounds Noseward)
Rigel: YOU AREN’T GOING ANYWHERE.
Anna: Rigel, this is in no way necessary! We can take the Noseward without such violent means!
(The angels, minus Rigel, each place a hand on the cage and they along with Noseward disappear)
Squidward: What just happened?
Crayons: I think we just met angels.
Squidward: Angels… that’s a first for sure. I have gotten so used to encountering demons, I forgot there are other forms of holy beings out there. Does that imply that-
Crayons: That there’s a God? Yeah, I’m pretty sure it does. 
Security: If there’s a God… Why hasn’t he helped us out at all? 
Squidward: Security, I think you know the answer to that question.
Krabs: I had no idea there were other Gods besides Poseidon.
Crayons: I read all about this. Poseidon, or Neptune, was simply just God of the sea - there are other Gods out there; God of death, God of the sky, God of the land, Loki… And then there is just God. God is the God of everything. He’s just, THE God. 
Squidward: Listen, we could stand around discussing this all day, but right now, our friend’s in danger. We need to find out where they took him to.
SpongeBob: Where do we even start to look for Noseward? He could be anywhere in the universe right now. 
(Fade to a playground next to a sign that reads “120 miles until Bikini Bottom”, Noseward is let out of his cage by the angels)
Rigel: Alright, Noseward, I guess you’ll just have to tell us what you know.
Noseward: I’m not telling you anything unless you explain the meaning of this!
Rigel: Meaning of what?
Noseward: Why am I so important? Why are we at a playground? Who the hell sent you and what are you going to die?
Rigel: I’m Rigel, Raphael’s second in command. Those are my sisters, Anna and Destria. 
Noseward: What’s a Raphael?
(Rigel grabs Noseward and pins him against the slide)
Rigel: Enough. We simply do not have time for this.
Noseward: (Choking) No… time?
Rigel: War is coming and stopping you is the only way to stop him.
Noseward: BUT I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON!
Rigel: Fine. Guess we’ll have to force it out of you then.
Anna: Rigel, you really don’t-
(Rigel shoves Anna aside making her fall to the ground, as his finger tips begin glowing yellow; eventually, Rigel’s hand begins conducting a powerful surge of electricity into Noseward, who screams in agony as the night sky illuminates yellow; we briefly see a shot of the Cult observing the flickering yellow sky as it cuts back to Noseward) 
Anna: RIGEL!
(Rigel exchanges a brief angry glance at Anna as Noseward continues screaming)
Rigel: I AM DOING WHAT I MUST DO. 
(Destria helps Anna up; cut to the cult)
Crayons: Squidward, you see that lightning in the sky, right?
Squidward: Yeah, I’m wondering if maybe there’s a storm moving in?
Crayons: Well I don’t think lightning tends to concentrate heavily in a single area like that. 
Squidward: Do you think…
Security: That Noseward is there? 
Crayons: I see no other logical explanation. It can’t be natural lightning, there are no clouds. Let’s go investigate!
(Cut back to Noseward being tortured by Rigel; he eventually stops electrocuting Noseard)
Rigel: How about we start with Hell? What do you know?
(Noseward doesn’t answer, and instead makes heavy breathing noises; Rigel creates a metal blade in his hand)
Rigel: Let’s try that again. What do you know about Hell, boy?
(Noseward tries to speak, but can’t get words out)
Rigel: I see. You’re refusing to answer.
Anna: Rigel, please - the Noseward is obviously too injured to-
Rigel: SILENCE! 
(Rigel releases another powerful electric surge into Noseward, which makes him scream again)
Rigel: IF YOU DON’T WANT ANOTHER SURGE, YOU BETTER ANSWER ME RIGHT NOW - WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HELL?
(Noseward, very visibly in pain, just stares angrily at Rigel)
Rigel: I must warn you that this next electric charge will surely kill you. Either you answer me or face certain death. Which will it be?
Noseward: (Very weakly) I… I…
Rigel: What. Do you know. About Hell.
Noseward: (Coughing heavily; weakly) I don’t have to tell you… anything…
(Rigel angrily glares at Noseward)
Rigel: Is that really the answer you’re gonna give?
(Noseward keeps his angry glare)
Rigel: Suit yourself. I hope you enjoyed your life.
(Rigel unleashes a static charge so powerful the ground shakes)
Anna: RIGEL, STOP! YOU DON’T NEED TO KILL HIM!
Rigel: Why are you stopping me from DOING WHAT I MUST?!
(Rigel creates a blade from thin air and swings it at Noseward, but Anna shoves Rigel out of the way, causing the blade to fly in the air, stabbing her in the chest; Anna steps back and her eyes light on fire, then she collapses as her wings burn into the ground)
Destria: Rigel… what did you…
Rigel: (Stares at Anna’s corpse with a visible look of despair) I… I don’t…
Destria: You… killed your sister…
Rigel: W-we need to go now. 
Destria: But what about the Noseward? Is he… dead?
Rigel: (Stares at Noseward lying on the ground) We have bigger things to worry about. 
Destria: Let’s just go. Before someone else gets hurt
(Destria disappears in a flash of light; Rigel looks at Anna’s corpse with a single tear falling down his face before he too vanishes; the camera focuses on Noseward’s body, which is very visibly burnt with his veins pulsating yellow; after a little bit, we hear shouting in the distance)
Crayons: I think it came from over here.
(The gang all run towards the Playground, but they stop dead in their tracks with shocked expressions as they see Noseward on the ground, in the state that he’s in; nobody says anything for 10 seconds)
Squidward: Is… Is he…
Crayons: Keep calm. I’ll investigate.
(Crayons, Security, SpongeBob, Krabs, and Squidward dash over to Noseward’s side)
SpongeBob: Crayons, how bad is it?
Crayons: (Checking the body) Well… You want the good news or the bad news? 
Squidward: Good news! Good news!
Crayons: He still has a pulse, so he’s still alive.
Squidward: Oh, boy, what a relief!
Security: I dread to ask, but… what’s the bad news?
Crayons: He seems totally knocked out. 
Squidward: What happened to him?!
Crayons: (Looks at Noseward’s yellow glow) I see no other explanation then… he was overcome with an electric current so massive… he lost consciousness.
Squidward: Of course - that must be why we saw the sky glow yellow!
Security: Well, can you save him? Is he a goner?
Crayons: I can definitely keep him alive until he wakes up. But until then… it looks like he is comatose.
(Security notices Anna’s body near Noseward’s)
Security: Wait, what happened here? 
Squidward: It looks like… he got into a skirmish.
Security: But do you think he fought back?
Crayons: (Looks at Anna’s body, specifically at the sword in her chest) Well… it looks like he did, and possibly won. But where the electrical current could’ve come from… I have no idea.
Squidward: So Noseward killed an angel. We’ll have to drink to that when he wakes up.
Crayons: Security, help me carry him back to the mountains. We must hurry, I don’t know how long we can keep him like this before he dies!
Security: But you can keep him alive, right?
Crayons: Yes, I have all the medical equipment I need to hopefully keep his pulse going. But until then, it seems like Noseward will be like this for a long while.
Security: How long?
Crayons: I don’t know, but let’s hope it’s not too long. We can’t afford to lose Noseward!
Security: I will make it my duty to watch over Noseward every hour of every day I can to ensure a full recovery! 
Squidward: We all will. Come on, let’s get him home.
(The episode ends with the Cult carrying Noseward back to the base, all visibly concerned for him)
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