Breakin' Out

Breakin' Out is the first episode of Season One of Call the Cops.
==Transcript==
[Episode begins with a shot of the Bikini Bottom Jail.]
French Narrator: This is the Bikini Bottom Jail. It is the place where all the criminals go.
Patrick: (sounding drunk) I thought this was the ice cream bar.
French Narrator: Wh- what?
Patrick: I'll have-
French Narrator: Can you please shut up? I'm trying to narrate.
Patrick: Jeez you don't have to be so harsh about it.
[We cut to the inside of the jail where we see (what else) prisoners and cops]
French Narrator: Anyway, here we see the criminals doing their daily activities.
[We see a prisoner pushing a heavy-looking couch]
Cop: Come on, that couch won't push itself! 
Prisoner: Why are we doing this anyway?
Cop: Hey, I can get you another two years for remarks like that! Put your back into it!
Prisoner: Hey, you know, that's not a bad idea.
Cop: It isn't?
[The prisoner lays down on the couch. The cop facepalms. The prisoner lifts up a penny from in-between the cushions.]
Prisoner: Hey look, a penny!
[Mr. Krabs overhears this.]
Mr. Krabs: Did somebody say penny?
Prisoner: Uh, yeah. Do you-
[Mr. Krabs snatches the penny from the prisoner and laughs.]
French Narrator: Ah yes. Didn't think it would be long until we bumped into him.
Cop: Y'know I'd arrest you for that, but… yeah.
Mr. Krabs: Every little bit helps.
French Narrator: Eugene H. Krabs is definitely one of Bikini Bottom Jail's most unusual inmates.
[We then see SpongeBob, Plankton, and Helen the Felon.]
French Narrator: Notice how I said "one of".
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, maybe you shouldn't take pennies from other prisoners. That could land you in jail for… uhh… more time.
Mr. Krabs: Well if it carries on like this the saying might just be right. Time is money.
Plankton: Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Just get this weight off of me!
Mr. Krabs: I dunno, Sheldon. It looks pretty good on you.
Plankton: Har har. Please get this weight off me.
SpongeBob: He said please, Mr. Krabs. The right thing to do would be-
Mr. Krabs: Need I remind you that he's the enemy, boy? That he comes to me restaurant every day to attempt to steal me formuler?
Plankton: Well, I wouldn't call it every da-
Mr. Krabs: Liar!
Plankton: Cheapskate!
Mr. Krabs: Crook!
SpongeBob: Technically we're all crooks, we're in jail-
Mr. Krabs and Plankton: Shut up!
Plankton: And get this weight off of me!
SpongeBob: What's the magic wo-
Plankton: NOW!
[SpongeBob quickly starts taking the weight off of him.]
Plankton: Yes, yes! Freedom at last!
Cop 2: Ah-hem.
Plankton: Oh, right.
Cop 2: And I believe you're supposed to be lifting this. (He drops the weight on Plankton again)
Plankton: Even locked up my plans never work.
[The cop turns to SpongeBob.]
Cop 2: And as for you, CheeseBill-
SpongeBob: I'm sorry, officer.
Cop 2: Of course you are.
[The cop walks off.]
SpongeBob: You know, I don't think I'm used to prison life yet. It's hard. Who's gonna feed Gary?
[Cut to Gary raiding The Krusty Krab. Squidward couldn't care less about it.]
Squidward: Just another normal day at The Krusty Krab.
[Cut back.]
Plankton: Believe me, it gets harder.
Mr. Krabs: At least you don't have a shower buddy.
SpongeBob: Ew.
Helen: You'll get used to it here.
SpongeBob: Aw, aren't you just adorable? What's a little girl like you doing locked up in here?
[Loud sirens and screaming are heard through Helen's thoughts as the camera slowly zooms in on her face.]
Helen: A wowwipop.
SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs: Aww…
Cop 3: Alright, exercise time is over. Everyone inside.
Mr. Krabs: Exercise?! If you think that hard cold labor is considered exercise then you better-
[The cop gives him a stare.]
Mr. Krabs: Heh, heh, what I meant to say was-
Cop 3: Get in.
Mr. Krabs: (sigh) Yes officer.
[Cut to their jail cell.]
Plankton: Being in jail stinks!
[Pan over to the toilet.]
SpongeBob: Sorry, I think that's just me.
Plankton: Thanks for the tip, but I was speaking metaphorically. Who decided that we had to take a dump in the wide open anyway? I long for the day I can finally be rid of this hideous place forever and take my revenge on the Krusty- I mean, do normal stuff that normal people do outside of jail.
SpongeBob: But what can we do except fulfill our debt to society?
Helen: I say we ditch these bitches and break out!
Mr. Krabs: Woah! Where did a cute little angel like you learn that profanity?
Helen: None of your business.
SpongeBob: Sometimes, when my mom used to get very angry-
Plankton: Oh, shut up! The little girl's right for once. (whispering) We have to do something.
SpongeBob: Okay!
[SpongeBob pulls some bubble mixture from behind his back and blows a bubble elephant. They perform a small tap-dancing routine for a few seconds.]
SpongeBob: Ta-da!
[The others blankly look at him. Helen bursts the bubble.]
SpongeBob: Hey! He was my friend.
Helen: I… had a friend once.
[Helen stands motionless for a few seconds.]
Mr. Krabs: (whispering) What's she doing?
Plankton: (whispering) I think she's having a flashback.
[pause]
Plankton: Oh, enough fooling around! We need to come up with something.
[A drunken Patrick comes into view, takes out a key and enters the cell, shutting the door behind him.]
Patrick: Hey guys, what you doing up there?
Plankton: Of all the people I thought would be useful one day, this guy was at the bottom of my list.
SpongeBob: What about me?
Plankton: You were in the last eighth if I'm not mistaken.
[Plankton swipes the key from Patrick.]
Patrick: (giggles) Key go walkie! 
Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob, and Helen: Shhh!
[Plankton tries to jump up to reach the keyhole, but is nowhere close to reaching it. He stops and turns back on SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Helen watching him.]
Plankton: (sighs, whispering) Could you give me a hand please? At a very young age I was diagnosed with a condition called being small.
SpongeBob: (whispering) Oh sure, why didn't you say?
[Plankton passes SpongeBob the key and he opens the cell door.]
Plankton: FINALLY! FREEDOM AT LAST! AGAI-
SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs and Helen: Shhh! 
Plankton: Sorry.
Patrick: Is this wall supposed to be open?
[He shuts the door. A cop approaches the cell.]
Plankton: Oh no.
Cop: Hey, what's going on h- (he notices the key) Where'd you get that key from?
SpongeBob: Um… the locksmith? (shrugs)
[The cop snatches the key from SpongeBob between the bars.]
Cop: I've got my two eyes on you all.
[The cop walks off, but immediately returns, looking towards Patrick.]
Cop: Wasn't there one less of you?
Plankton: I don't think so, officer.
Cop: Alright then.
[The cop walks back off and we hear the sound of him leaving.]
Plankton: (dolphin chirp)! So much for that.
SpongeBob: (gasp) Sheldon! Watch your language.
Mr. Krabs: So what now?
Helen: Ugh, do I have to work everything out for you fuckers?
Plankton: What? No one points out her language?
SpongeBob: She scares me.
Helen: There has to be another key somewhere.
[The group begins scouting the cell looking for keys. SpongeBob looks inside the toilet.]
SpongeBob: Nope, nothing in there. Unless someone flushed a key down the toilet.
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, that's the craziest thing I've ever heard! Who would even think of flushing a key down a toilet?
[We hear the sound of a toilet flushing. Pan over to Patrick.]
Patrick: (giggles) I like your funny words, magic man!
Mr. Krabs: (rolls eyes) I should have guessed. So, who's gonna go down there and get it for us?
Plankton: I'll do it.
Mr. Krabs: Someone other than a scheming crook who's probably gonna ditch us.
SpongeBob: (sigh) I'll do it, I am a sponge after all.
Mr. Krabs: Before we flush SpongeBob down the toilet, (sigh) didn't think I'd say that today, do you have any more keys, Patrick?
Patrick: Uh… mango?
Mr. Krabs: Just go down the toilet, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Aye aye, captain. If I don't make it back, take care of Gary for me.
[SpongeBob dives into the toilet and flushes himself.]
Mr. Krabs: What a brave soldier, he fought well.
[SpongeBob screams as he goes down a pipe and ends up in a sewer.]
SpongeBob: (laughs) That was fun!
[He sees a key flowing down a stream.]
SpongeBob: And there's the key! 
[He runs towards it and picks it up.]
SpongeBob: Ew. It's slimy, but I've got it. That was easy. Welp, time to go back and tell the oth-
[He turns around to find two cops standing behind him. He screams and hides the key in his pocket.]
Cop 1: And just what are you doing down here?
SpongeBob: Uhh… cleaning?
Cop 2: (sigh) Everyone tries to escape down the toilet. You're coming with us.
[The two handcuff SpongeBob and drag him off.]
SpongeBob: NO! WAIT!
[Bubble transition to SpongeBob being led back down the hallway to this cell.]
SpongeBob: Hey guys!
Plankton: Oh, he actually came back!
Mr. Krabs: You owe me one piece of belly button lint.
Plankton: Aw.
[The two cops lead SpongeBob further down the hall.]
SpongeBob: Hey wait, where are we going? My cell is-
[SpongeBob gets locked up in a different cell.]
SpongeBob: Guys, I think you made a mistake! My cell is over there!
Cop 1: (laughs) Not anymore. Good night, Mr. SquarePants.
[The two cops walk off eating donuts.]
Mr. Krabs: Well, so much for that plan.
[SpongeBob pulls the key out from behind his back.]
SpongeBob: Or is it?
Mr. Krabs: (gasp) The key! You got it, me boy!
Helen: Shhh! You're gonna call more attention back to us!
Plankton: What are you waiting for, SpongeBoob? Get yourself out of there so I- er, we can all be free.
SpongeBob: Working on it, Plankton.
[SpongeBob tries to unlock the door to no success.]
SpongeBob: It won't budge! Sorry guys, I don't think it'll work for this cell!
Plankton: Ugh, well that's just great.
Mr. Krabs: Could you toss it over to us to see if it works over here?
SpongeBob: Um, I could try, but I'm not really good at throwing things.
[SpongeBob tosses the key out through the bars, and it lands on the floor conveniently sliding towards the other cell.]
Mr. Krabs: Good throw, me boy! Plankton, reel it in from under the bars.
Plankton: Why should I take orders from you?
Helen: Do you want to get out of here?
Plankton: Who doesn't?
[Pan over to another cell.]
Prisoner: I don't!
Plankton: Fair enough.
[Plankton reaches under the bars and tries to grab the key. After some struggling, he grabs hold of it and throws it up to Mr. Krabs.]
Mr. Krabs: (laughs) We're going home boys! …and Helen.
[Mr. Krabs tries to open the cell door, but once again it won't budge.]
Mr. Krabs: (sigh) That's great, isn't it?
Patrick: Yeah, I know! By the way, I found this in my pocket.
[Patrick takes yet another key out of his pocket and effortlessly opens the door.]
Plankton: Seriously?
[The four walk out of the cell.]
SpongeBob: Ahem, you guys forgetting something?
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob?! I thought you were in that other cell.
SpongeBob: Don't underestimate the power of off-screen teleportation.
Plankton: Whatever. Let's just vamoose before someone sees us.
Officer John: (off-screen) Hey!
SpongeBob: I think someone saw us.
[Grass Skirt Chase plays as SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, Plankton, and Helen run away from Officer John.]
Patrick: (waving) Alright, see ya guys around.
Officer John: Stop, criminals! (pants) Could you at least not run so fast?
[Mr. Krabs looks back on the cop.]
Mr. Krabs: This could be going a lot better.
Plankton: You think?
[Officer John gets his walkie-talkie out.]
Officer John: To all officers, get the place on lockdown. We've got an attempted escape!
[Suddenly, all the lights dim and all the exits are barred with steel doors.]
Helen: (sigh) I could have been put in a cell with anyone else, but no, I just had to be locked up with you (dolphin chirp)s!
Mr. Krabs: Now she gets censored?
Plankton: (turns to audience) You really don't want to know what she just said.
[Fred wearing a police uniform comes out from a nearby bathroom.]
Fred: Phew, believe me, you would not wanna go in there- HOLY SHRIMP! STOP RIGHT THERE, CRIMINA-
[The group ignores him and unintentionally runs over his foot.]
Fred: MY LEG- uh, I mean, MY FOOT!
[The group runs into a dead end. They are surrounded by cops.]
Plankton: Fish paste! We're surrounded.
Helen: Really? I couldn't tell.
Officer Nancy: You… whatever number of prisoners you are… go back to your cells! Nice try escaping, though. Most prisoners never get this far.
Mr. Krabs: (sarcastically) Really appreciate it.
SpongeBob: At least nothing bad happened!
[The others look at him.]
Plankton: You're kidding, right?
[SpongeBob looks at himself.]
SpongeBob: Uh… nope.
Officer John: Okay, you bozos, get back in your cells.
Mr. Krabs: (scoffing) Or what?
Officer John: Or we'll have to use… (points to a giant bulldozer nearby) that.
[Mr. Krabs gulps]
Mr. Krabs: On second thought, maybe prison life is a better plan.
Helen: Non-f(dolphin chirp)ing sense! We gotta get outta here!
SpongeBob: This profanity is gonna take a while to get used to.
[Helen pushes SpongeBob ahead as they barely manage to slide under a gap between two of the officers' legs]
Fred: Aww, why couldn't that have been me?
Mr. Krabs: Freedom!
Officer John: Wow, you have wide legs.
Officer Nancy: ...thanks?
Plankton: Good thing I was born small. (he easily slips under the cops and comes out on the other side)
[Helen is seen turning on the bulldozer, and steers it towards the cops]
Fred: My time has come…
Officer Nancy: Oh dear.
[Helen runs over Fred's legs with the bulldozer.]
Fred: Ow. That hurt my legs.
Officer John: Somebody call an ambulance!
Officer Nancy: Somebody call the police!
Officer John: We are the police.
Officer Nancy: Oh yeah.
Patrick: I wondered what that fancy uniform was for.
[While the police officers are distracted, the prisoners run towards the front gate, which is still locked]
Plankton: We got this far, now what?
[Patrick pulls something out of his crotch]
Plankton: Eww, gross, we didn’t need to see that!
Patrick: (with a key now in his hand) Yes you did.
Plankton: How many keys has he stolen?!
SpongeBob: Uh, thanks Patrick. (He puts on a glove and cautiously grabs the key)
Patrick: Don't mention it, person I am not sober enough to recognise.
[SpongeBob scrambles to unlock the gate as the officers chase after them. It opens.]
Plankton: FINALLY! FREEDOM IS MINE! ALL MINE!!! (Due to his small size, Plankton struggles to open the door) Uh, well this is awkward.
[pause]
Plankton: A little help here?
[pause]
SpongeBob: Ohhhhhh yeah, sorry.
[SpongeBob pushes the door open and looks back to the officers chasing them.]
Mr. Krabs: Get out of my way!
[Mr. Krabs pushes past them, and they all run out except for Patrick, who just falls flat on the ground, giggling.]
SpongeBob: C’mon, buddy, let’s go! (he grabs Patrick by the arm and pulls him along) Where do we go now?
[Squidward rides by the police station on his bike.]
Squidward: (whistles) SpongeBob's in jail, la-da-dee-da-doo-
SpongeBob: Hey Squidward!
Squidward: What? (he looks towards SpongeBob, screams and crashes into a lamppost.)
Mr. Krabs: Onto the bike!
[Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob, Plankton, Patrick and Helen all jump onto Squidward's bike and frantically pedal away.]
Squidward: Hey!
[Officers John and Nancy run out of the building. John stops in exhaustion.]
Officer John: (panting) Wow, they're good.
Officer Nancy: Aw, you wimp! They got away! On a bike! (she gets her walkie-talkie out) Uh… yeah, we're gonna need backup.
[Cut to the five struggling to pedal down Bikini Bottom.]
Patrick: Ha ha ha, weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
Mr. Krabs: Ugh, this thing really was not meant for four people.
Plankton: Hey, I'm here too!
Mr. Krabs: Barely.
[The Krusty Krab comes into sight.]
SpongeBob: Look, we're almost at The Krusty Krab!
Helen: The rusty what?
Mr. Krabs: That's great! We can start whipping up some fresh money- I mean Krabby Patties, right away!
[Patrick's stomach rumbles]
Patrick: I could really go for some patties right about now.
[They reach The Krusty Krab parking lot and all fall off the bike as it stops.]
Mr. Krabs: My baby! And it’s still in one piece.
SpongeBob: We made it! We actually made it!
Plankton: Finally, freedom! For real this time! Nothing can stop me n-
[Pan out to reveal The Krusty Krab is surrounded by police cars.]
Helen: Shhhhhhit.
Officer: Alright, put your hands up!
[All of them except Helen cooperate.]
Plankton: Barnacles.
[Cut to the group sitting in the prison canteen together.]
Mr. Krabs: Well, I guess it was worth a try.
Plankton: What do you mean?! Now we're stuck in here for even longer!
SpongeBob: At least you could probably make a pretty good series about it. And not to mention, we're all here, so all's well that ends well.
Patrick: What's all a well?
Plankton: (sigh) This is gonna be a long stay…
French Narrator: It sure is Plankton, it sure is.
Plankton: Get your French-sounding (dolphin chirp) out of my ears!
[The episode ends.]
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