The Full Moon/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy of "The Full Moon". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
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[The scene opens on Stolas's mansion. Stolas wakes up in bed to his alarm going off and showing a broadcast of the pride ring weather forecast, that being a full moon, and the sky somehow being redder than usual. Stolas sits up and then pukes next to his bed, puts on his purple-ish bunny slippers, then shuts off his alarm.]
Stolas: ♫ Thank you to, the butterflies in my stomach ♫ 
♫ I haven't felt this nervous since I was a little fluffy down nestling ♫
♫My daring-do is half disguised ♫
♫Behind a smile, my beak is grinding, ever minding,
♫ I swore I wouldn't dwell on the divorce, so for my own health, I'll remind myself, ♫
[Transitions to Stolas turning on his bathtub and getting inside.]
♫ That when I see him, I know that it won't feel so tough ♫
♫ I'll believe him, and not the voice that says I'm not enough ♫
[As Stolas sings 'the voice that says I'm not enough', we see a reflection of him with his pupils out, and what looks like smudged mascara similar to how he looked at the end of "The Circus"]
♫ No need for an arrangement, it can just be him and me, I'll set us free ♫
♫ How perfect it could be, when I see him tonight ♫
[While singing that line, he leans back quickly and splashes the water outwards creating a small arc]
[Transitions to Blitzo walking past his calendar with the current date being marked as "Moon." He takes the calendar off the wall and looks at it.]
Blitzo: ♫ See him tonight? Alright, alright! ♫
♫ It's been a while since he's begged for attention ♫
♫ Are we okay? Heh, Can't really say. I'm getting by by avoiding his questions ♫
♫ So complicated, I hate when it's complicated, why do I always end up in situations that are complicated? ♫
♫ Here I go again, getting in my head, so I'll focus on all the sexy stuff instead~ ♫
[Cuts to Stolas on his balcony.]
Stolas: ♫ When I see him- ♫
[Cuts to Blitzo in his bathroom.]
Blitzo: ♫ When I see him, I'm gonna do that thing he likes ♫
[Cuts to Stolas walking down a large hallway.]
Stolas: ♫ I will change things! ♫
[Cuts back to Blitzo at his bathtub.]
Blitzo: ♫ No need to change things, I'll just bring the rope and spikes~ ♫
[Cuts to Stolas trying to shake his antidepressant pills into his hands from a bottle, but realizing it's empty.]
Stolas: Oh, God!
[Cuts to Blitzo cooking up pancakes.]
Blitzo: ♫ We've got a nice arrangement, and it's working out just fine, ♫
[Cuts to different perspective of Blitzo's apartment. Loona is shown with a grumpy face, emerging from her bedroom, only to see Blitzo singing. She looks at Blitzo with disappointment and closes the door again.]
♫ We'll keep it light! ♫
[Cuts to Stolas closing himself inside his fridge.]
Stolas: ♫ I'll fucking die alone if this goes bad- ♫
[Cuts to Blitzo putting breakfast on his table.]
Blitzo & Stolas: ♫ -When I see him tonight! ♫
[Cuts to Stolas looking in the mirror.]
Stolas: ♫ Am I doing something I can't take back? ♫
[Cuts to Blitzo.]
Blitzo: ♫ Relax! ♫
[Cuts to Stolas getting dressed.]
Stolas: ♫ Would he want me if he was free? ♫
[Cuts to Blitzo, looking in the mirror nervously.]
Blitzo: ♫ We're fine! ♫
[Cuts to Stolas taking his cape.]
Stolas: ♫ -and if he's only here as a prisoner, what kind of monster does that make me? ♫
[Stolas turns around.]
♫ My entire life's been written in stone ♫
[Cuts to Blitzo.]
Blitzo: ♫ We're gonna bone~ ♫
[Cuts to Stolas putting his hat on.]
Stolas: ♫ He taught me that I could choose ♫
[Cuts to Blitzo.]
Blitzo: ♫ It's cool! ♫
[Cuts to Stolas with the Asmodean Crystal.]
Stolas: ♫ He deserves the choice to stay or go, though it scares me to think what I'd lose... ♫
[Cuts to Blitzo.] 
Blitzo: ♫ -Can't wait to lose ourselves in nasty sex and make that bird squawk! ♫
[Cuts to Stolas sitting at the table.]
Stolas: ♫ Really must converse- ♫
[Cuts to Blitzo cleaning a golden horse figurine.]
Blitzo: ♫ We'll just stick with what makes sense, like him sucking my- ♫
[Cuts to Stolas tipping milk and flopping his head on the table.]
Stolas: ♫ Gah! This is the worst! ♫
[cuts to Stolas tapping his foot anxiously.]
♫ Waiting for the shoe to drop ♫
[Cuts to Blitzo eating pancakes.]
Blitzo: ♫ Who needs words when you've got a mouth full of- ♫
[Cuts to Stolas grabbing his head.]
Stolas: ♫ -Come to your senses! ♫
[Cuts to Blitzo running round the balcony to the stairs.]
Blitzo: ♫ Then I'll do that thing with my tongue where I- ♫
[Cuts to Stolas walking.]
Stolas: ♫ He's worthy of your love and trust- ♫
[Cuts to Blitzo standing on the railing.]
Blitzo: ♫ I'll eat his bird puss nice and rough! ♫
[Cuts to Stolas.]
Stolas: ♫ Tonight cannot come soon- ♫
[Cuts to Blitzo sliding down a pole to street level.]
Blitzo: ♫ He’ll be cumming soon- ♫
Blitzo & Stolas: ♫ -enough! ♫
Blitzo: Oh yeah!
[Blitzo is shown singing in the middle of the street, where bystanders look at him confused. Cuts to Stolas walking in his garden and holding a rose.]
Stolas: ♫ But when I see him, will it be tender, or be tough? ♫
♫ Will it please him, or will I just be fucking it all up? ♫
♫ Can this be our relationship, or am I still naive-- I'll set us free, ♫
♫ Whatever it may be, when I see him... ♫
♫ tonight. ♫
[Stolas places the rose back on it's bush. This transitions to a similar looking rose in a bush on Earth, where a mysterious looking mom picks up this rose with her baby. 'Unbeknownst' to her, the stroller rolls down the hill next to her at excessive speed. She quickly notices.]
Mom: My baby! Someone save my baby! 
[The stroller continues to roll down the park, dodging some people playing Frisbee, ducks, and when it jumps over a pond, some alligators try to eat it, and the stroller jumps over them. A shark jumps over the alligators. The stroller then heads to the city, causing a car crash]
[Nearby, two men are carrying a pane of glass to a truck labeled "Pane in the Glass".]
Worker: Sure hope this glass doesn't break. 
[The stroller not only breaks the pane of glass in it's path, but it also runs over one of the guys that carried it, injuring him as the glass pieces land on his backside.]
Worker: [glass pieces are on him as well] IT BROKE! 
[Now, the stroller is on its way to an industrial facility. As we get closer, we see a guy pushing a ramp to the stroller's route with words on it that say "Inconvenient Ramp" with the "IN" part crossed out. A bird flies on one of the thingies and dies. On the way there, a guy is eating ice cream when the cream drops on the road. He picks up the cream and accidentally stops the stroller.]
Mom: Oh, thank you! Thank you! [hugs him] How could I ever repay you? 
Ice Cream Guy: No need, ma'am. I was just in the right place at the right time. [A glowing hand reaches to his wallet from the stroller. The guy eating ice cream walks off. The "mom" takes the stroller to a dark alley and kicks someone out of the cloak: Collin.] 
Collin: [catches his breath] Did you have to hug him so hard? I'm at underwear level, you know, and that guy clearly hadn't showered today!
[The mom takes off her disguise. It was Keenie all along.]
Keenie: Oh, stop complaining. I had to sell it, didn't I? How'd we do, Cletus? 
[Cletus, who played the role of the baby, counts how much money they stole]
Cletus: ...Not great. Let's set up for another run! 
Collin: I don't know, Cletus. Doesn't this all seem a little... [whispers] sinful?
Cletus: We've been over this! We are still helpin' people. We just provided that man with an opportunity to be selfless and heroic. 
Keenie: After that performance, he's sure to get into Heaven! We just saved a soul! 
Collin: Is... that how it works? 
Cletus: Don't you think eternal salvation is worth... [looks at the wallet] 20 bucks and a Queeznos' punch card? [Him and Keenie get puppy dog eyes as angelic music briefly plays.]
Collin: I guess... it's just-- [Cletus looks mad. He then starts crying as the sound of a baby crying is heard]
Keenie: You wanna eat, don't you? You wanna live long enough to save more souls and earn our way back into Heaven? [A security camera is seen watching the three cherubs right above them.]
Collin: Of course! I just-- [Cletus slaps him.]
Cletus: Well, then quiet your incessant whinging, and get back under that coat! We have to- [he is hit with a tranquilizer dart] Woah! Ohhh.... [He is knocked unconscious. The other two are shocked upon seeing this until they are electrically shocked by tasers.] 
[Cuts to D.H.O.R.K.S. interrogation room. Cletus, Collin and Keenie wake up in high chairs as a lamp's light shines on them.]
Cletus: What? Where are we?
[Agent One holds the lamp and leans towards the three cherubs.]
Agent One: We ask the questions here, hellspawn.
Cletus: But I'm just a wittle baby! Why would you- Cletus makes a cute face, until Agent Two slams his head down.] AGH!
Agent Two: Drop the bullshit! [punches Cletus into a table again] We know you're working for that demon filth!
Agent One: Where's your boss?
Keenie: What boss? 
Agent One: This guy! [shows a Blitzo doodle]
Collin: You know that... peanut head?
Agent Two: So that's his name...
Cletus: You know, I think maybe we can help each other out here.
[Cuts to IMP Headquarters, Loona opening a portal from Earth and Blitzo, Moxxie, Millie exiting.]
Blitzo: Hard shooting there, Mox, pro as usual! Millie, beautiful bloody mess in there. [she flexes muscles] Mwah! What a great fuckin' day this is!
[Cut to where they just were, in an alley. Blood and gore is everywhere. The singular child left looks traumatized by what he sees around him. A couple of bodies are lying on the ground, two corpses are pinned to each side of the walls, another dead body lies on the curb, in the middle distance one is strung up between several buildings by ropes, and splatters of blood line every wall.]
Moxxie: You sure seem in good spirits today, sir. It's rare to see you wear something... not bad.
Blitzo: Well, it's the-- first of all, fuck you. It's the Full Moon, I got to meet up with Stolas tonight. Felt like dressing up a little since it's been a few months since I've been inside of his feathered ass. 
Moxxie: A few months?! 
Blitzo: Yeah, the bird started giving me more ways out of our monthly fuck-sesh. He'd be all like "Oh, Blitzy, I know it's the Full Moon tonight, but you don't have to come if you don't want to, Blitzy", so I've just been taking breaks from having to plow his feathered ass into his fancy ass mattress. 
Moxxie: Ugh... TMI, sir. 
Blitzo: [behind him, Loona and Millie stomp on the remains of the victims] Point being: tonight I feel like I could use a little fuckery. It's been a good day, feeling like my stamina's up. And I'm horny. 
Loona: Oh shit. He's getting bored of you. 
Blitzo: Whaaaat?
Loona: Yeah, man. If someone wants to see you less and less, big red flag. If they give you chances to ditch, they probably want out themselves. Just wanna be more passive aggressive about it. Dicks. 
Blitzo: [mocking noises] How do you know... Loona? [She mysteriously disappears. Blitzo's phone rings and it's Loona] 
Loona: [through the phone] 'Cause I do that all the time. 
Blitzo: [hangs up] Well, tits. Guess I finally gotta do Position 37 tonight. Don't worry, though, [picks up the grimoire on his desk] this book ain't going nowhere if I have anything to fuck about it. I'll dick him so good, he'll let us keep this thing another year easy. 
Moxxie: Well, I hope so, sir! Business has actually hit a peak, and it would be disastrous to lose what we worked for now. So, fuck him good, sir! 
Blitzo: Don't worry, Mox. By the end of the night, I'll have Stolas eating out of my ass... if the gag will let him! Eh? Eh? [laughs]
Moxxie: [slightly turned on by this] Stoooop..! 
Blitzo: [gets his chest of sex toys] Okay, grow up, Mox. That's what adults do, we're horny. [he goes through the toys] Fuuuuuck me, Moxxie, we've used, like, all the shit in this box. If Stolas is bored after this, [holds up a horse-tail sex toy] I need to up the ante. 
[Blitzo puts the grimoire in a shopping bag, getting ready to go out.] 
Blitzo: Moxxie, I need you to hold down the fort. Get some overdue paperwork done.
Moxxie: What overdue paperwork? 
[Blitzo dumps a mountain of paperwork labeled "JUST GIVE TO MOKSIE" on top of him]
[Back at DHORKS HQ]
Agent One: So why would a bunch of angels be looking for demons?
Collin: We just want to get back into--
Cletus: We're Exorcists, the flaming swords of the Heavens, here to strike them down with fiery vengeance!
Keenie: Uhh- Yeah, yeah! We lay in wait for them to return to Earth, so we might smite them once and for all!
Collin: What are you guys talking about- [Cletus kicks Collin's shin.] OWWW!
[The agents nodded at each other in silence, smirking.]
Agent Two: ...Maybe you don't have to wait.
Agent One: Come with us.
[The agents lead the cherubs down to an underground basement, the three of them looking in awe at the sight of the massive complex. They ride on a moving platform as Two starts to move the platform forward. As the platform moves, Keenie looks down in awe as she sees a battalion of similar-looking priests marching with holy rifles in arms.]
Agent One: Since their assault on 'Compound X', our government has quadrupled our funding and allowed us unfettered access to the most bleeding edge military advancements. 
Agent Two: Demonic containment cells, Hellfire suppression suits, camouflage exoskeletons and a battalion of highly trained combat priests! All so we could finally utilize, this.
[The platform stops just before a control panel.]
Cletus: What is it?
Agent Two: Our ticket to the other side.
[Two activates the generator with a press of the button.]
Agent One: An extra-dimensional portal generator. This bad boy will allow us to open a door straight into Hell, where we plan on eliminating the demonic threat before they can tarnish this great country! 
[The cherubs all looked in silence as the agents looked at the generator.]
Agent One: ...Well uh, once we work out all the kinks, yeah.
Keenie: Kinks?
[The generator finishes it's process, leaving open a small sized portal.]
Agent Two: So far we've only been able to open the portal about 2 feet in diameter. Hardly big enough to fit a child through.
Agent One: And we can't very well send children. ...Not after last time.
[Cuts to a flashback of kids going through the portal and getting instantly eviscerated at once by mysterious eye-covered tentacles, their bones and blood being launched back out of the portal.]
Agent One: [Tears in his eyes] Those goddamn American heroes...
Agent Two: Honestly, we're not even sure that was Hell we sent them to. Point is, we could use someone or someones, with more... experience. How about it, little guys?
Both: Wanna help us hunt some demon scum?
[Cletus and Keenie look at each other, interested, before glancing down at Collin, who gave a concerned look at them.]
Cletus and Keenie: FUCK YEAH, HA HA!!!
[The demon-proof armor suits are shown in their capsules. Agent One is seen typing and creating a simulated image of Cletus inside his respective suit, with the words on his screen saying "DEMON EXOSKELETON 001". A robotic arm reaches out and fits the pieces onto Cletus, and he shoots a small rocket onto a cardboard drawing resembling Blitzo. Collin walks out of his capsule in full armor, while Keenie flies out of hers and sticks a landing. She flies briefly and joins Cletus & Collin. Agent One is seen excitedly running beside them in a fursuit resembling Loona. Agent Two denies him further access and hands Cletus a tracking gadget, and Agent One walks away in a dejected fashion. The cherubs are seen walking towards the portal, and then pulling their armor out of the demonic hole which led them inside the Lust Ring. Looking out in the city from a rooftop, Cletus presses several buttons on the gadget. The scene cuts to Blitzo entering a candle shop located in the Lust Ring. He views a candle display before turning his head at the sound of the shopkeeper's voice as all the nearby candles are lit.]
Shopkeeper: Welcome, little one. What can I interest you in today?
Blitzo: I'm looking for a snazzy candle. One that screams 'sexy'. You got anything that will get anyone in the mood, buddy?
Shopkeeper: BITCH, you're in the Lust Ring! Everything here has sexy energy~. But what kind of mood are you aiming for?
Blitzo: Just... horny? H-gre-v-ver- very horny. Max horny.
Shopkeeper: They're all horny! What's the mood?
Blitzo: I don't know! I'm a simple pervert imp. I just need something fucky.
[Cletus and Keenie fly down to the rooftop of the candle shop, with Keenie carrying Collin. She throws him on the ground as Cletus checks his beeping gadget.]
Collin: Ooooh! There he is!
Keenie: Let's take him!
[Collin and Keenie look at Blitzo from the window on the ceiling, when suddenly Blitzo turns around. Cletus drags them away in the last second.]
Cletus: Hold on! Where's the rest of them? He wasn't alone before. I say we follow him for a bit, make sure he's by himself.
Keenie: Cletus, if we don't do this, we're never getting back into Heaven!
Cletus: Which is why we have to make sure this goes smoothly! We have only one shot. It has to be perfect.
[Cletus looks over and notices Blitzo entering a sex toy shop. The cherubs sneak in and spy on Blitzo, who is currently being measured by the shopkeeper.]
Shopkeeper Spider: Do you know the measurements of the other one?
Blitzo: Uh, not really. But he's tall as shit.
Shopkeeper Spider: Well, we have some pretty long harnesses. Also can't go wrong with something that stretches. [He reaches over and shows Blitzo one of the harnesses.]
Blitzo: Ooh, that is fancy. Alright, I'm into it.
[The cherubs look around the store in disgust.]
Collin: Sweet heavens, what kind of store is this?
Keenie: This guy truly is a SICKO!
[The shopkeeper suddenly appears behind them, startling them.]
Shopkeeper Spider: Can I help you all?
Cletus, Keenie, and Collin: AHH!
[Cletus, Keenie and Collin quietly approach the shopkeeper, trying to be inconspicuous but just come of as awkward. Blitzo takes his newly bought purchases and leaves the shop.]
Cletus: Hello, fellow vile hellbeast. We are on a totally normal demon day, just out lookin' to get some good tormenting in. We need some good to-... [gags] torture... supplies.
Shopkeeper Spider: Well, you have come to the right place, my slyly robotic looking friend. What kind of torturing are we looking to do? 
Cletus: Oh! You know, just your standard... pain. 
Collin: As long as it doesn't hurt too much. Like, do you have any harshly worded bumper stickers?
Shopkeeper Spider: Uhhh...
Keenie: Or something for a mild spanking?
Shopkeeper Spider: Oh, that we have in spades. We got your floggers, your crops, your whips, your whisks, studded, un-studded, wooden, leather, titanium, brimstone, what are you intoooo??
[They all blankly stare in shock.]
Cletus: I don't know if that's exactly what we're looking for. What was that other horrid hellspawn looking at?
Shopkeeper Spider: Oh, just some of those. [He points over to an area full of torture devices and whips while horrific music plays. Collin faints and they all flee the store via jetpack.]
Keenie: Cletus, he's clearly on his way to claim another innocent earthly soul in some sick barbaric fashion! We have to stop him! 
Cletus: [His device is getting a signal.] Not yet, we have to wait... for our moment.
[Cut to Blitzo walking into what may be the backroom of Ozzie's with Fizzarolli beside him.]
Blitzo: Y'know, thanks for doing me this solid, Fizz. I gotta get the good shit for tonight, and I know you and Ozz make the best toys in town. 
Fizzarolli: I got you, buddy. We have some new prototypes that I think will get the job done for a fancy gentleman like yourself. [He hops over to a keypad and enters a code, revealing the entire store unfolded by a large pair of wings. Blitzo stares at everything around him in awe. Fizzarolli hops over and opens a compartment full of lingerie and bondage style outfits.]
Fizzarolli: Now, we have got these new beads, oohh! They're made of real obsidian. 
Blitzo: Oh, that's beautiful. But y'know, Stolas never really seemed into the beads.
Fizzarolli: Alrighty, not into the beads, I get it. Fancier, then. [Fizzarolli grabs a blindfold that has "Baby Slut" written on it and puts it over Blitzo's eyes] We have some stylish blindfolds. Our new collection has encrusted jewels. 
Blitzo: Oh shit, those are niiice!
[Fizzarolli goes into a curtain and reveals a giant-size spiked dildo underneath it.]
Fizzarolli: And if you're feeling really frisky, we have the new, Dragon Driller 5000! Now with vibration! [He pulls onto the cord attached, causing tentacle-like pieces to move around and vibrate. He laughs maniacally while holding it. Blitzo is impressed.]
Blitzo: Theeere we go, that's his speed! I will take that!
[Cut back to the Cherubs hiding in a bush. Collin uses binoculars and observes the line outside of Ozzie's, showing the imp in front talking to the bouncers.]
Collin: Heavens, what is this place? It's so heavily guarded. 
Keenie: A-Armory? War room? 
Cletus: [bonks Keenie on the head] Quiet! Don't you realize stealth is our greatest advantage here?
[A few succubi walk pass the Cherubs, noticing them but paying them no mind. A succubi couple walks by and are amused by them.]
Succubus: Oh darling, look, voyeurs! Positively adorable, darling. 
[Through Collin's binoculars, Fizzarolli is seen exiting a garage driving a forklift which is carrying the dildo Blitzo bought earlier.] 
Collin: I think he's coming- OH GOD! What's that?! 
[Cletus rips the binoculars off of Collin's armor and looks.]
Cletus: [Keenie looks through the binoculars] Dear... God...
Keenie: He's going to use THAT? On an innocent person?! We have to stop him now!
Cletus: You're right. Okay guys, it's time. Now's our moment. Remember everything that horny little fudgeknuckle did to us because now, we make him pay. For the humans, for the heavens, and most of all for us! LET'S GO KICK SOME ASS! [He launches himself up.] LET'S FUCK 'EM UP!
[Suddenly, Cletus is knocked to the ground. He looks up to find Millie standing in front of him, holding her axe and ominously looks at the cherubs.]
Collin: W-What? How did you- OH! [Loona appears and hits Collin to the ground as well.]
Loona: Find ya? We were already following our dumbass boss to make sure he doesn't fuck up and lose our meal ticket. 
[Keenie spots Blitzo and tries going after him, until Moxxie appears from the shadows and fires his gun near her.]
Moxxie: And you weren't exactly "covert".
Loona: You got a lot of nerve coming to our neighborhood after the ass-kicking [Loona accentuates the 'ass' part of the kicking visually] you took last time. 
Cletus: A lotta nerve, and a LOTTA upgrades, mutt! 
[Cletus extends his robotic arm and punches Loona, then fires a missile from his other arm towards Millie. She dodges it with her axe, causing an explosion that sends her into an XXX shop next to her. Moxxie shoots some more at the cherubs.]
Cletus: The boss! Get their BOSS! [He launches two missiles from each of his arms, making Moxxie flee.]
[Collin aims a firearm towards Blitzo, hesitating on where to shoot until Loona comes in and stops him.]
Loona: No you don't, bitch! [She takes the gun from him and shoots it at an oblivious Incubus. The bullet almost hits Blitzo, until he kneels down and picks up a coin on the ground. Blitzo continues walking and notices the body that just fell in front of him.]
Blitzo: Hey, wake up asshole.
[Moxxie hides behind some debris looking for a chance to fire. Keenie flies toward Moxxie but stops as a few sex toys fly by her. Millie has emerged from the shop, ready for round 2. Collin attemps to shoot Loona with his gun but Loona grabs it as he fires and pushes it away from her, causing Collin to shoot at the ground leading up to Keenie and Millie's fight. Millie uses the hilt of her damaged battle axe to grab a sewer lid to block the bullets then slams it into Keenies knife hands, then pushes it to the ground, breaking them off of her armor.]
Millie: [to Keenie] Sorry hun, you can play as me, but that don't mean you're anywhere close--
[Cletus' robot arm grabs and pulls Millie, while Keenie get dragging along as well since Mille's tail is around Keenie's neck. Keenie takes one of the broken blades and stabs Millie's leg. Millie screams as Keenie prepares to attack only to be shot at by Moxxie.]
Millie: Mox!
[Millie releases Keenie and flings her into a wall. Moxxie then pins her to the ground and aims his gun at her.]
Moxxie: Welcome to Hell, bitch!
[Keenie then grabs Moxxie and flies into the sky. Millie leaps onto Cletus, removes the blade from her leg and uses it to cut off Cletus' robot arm.]
Cletus: Wait, what in the-
[Millie stabs Cletus' jetpack with the blade, which sends them both into the sky. In the air, Keenie is punching Moxxie repeatedly, while Millie is on Cletus' back. She hops over to Moxxie and Keenie, letting Cletus fall. Meanwhile, Collin is shooting repeatedly at a large board Loona is hiding behind. One of the bullets hits her shoulder, causing her to briefly shift into her human disguise, making her less of a target due to its shorter stature his visor opens in the process, showing he does not look happy about shooting at her. Cletus falls on top of Collin while Loona peeks out from her hiding place. Millie stabs Keenie's jetpack with the blade, causing the three of them comically stop in midair before plummeting. Loona sees them falling and shifts back to her hellhound form. She grabs Cletus' gauntlet and fires a missile towards a building where a couple where enjoying the penthouse pool, intending to use the pool to cushion the imps fall. Blitzo hears this and turns around, but a truck with a promotional Robo Fizz graphic (which shows they are on a blowout sale as Mammon doesn't want them anymore) pulls up right by him. Moxxie shoves Keenie away, while the building crashes to the ground in front of Loona. Millie and Moxxie fall into the pool then begin to make out after Keenie crashes beside the wreckage. Blitzo continues walking away, unaware of the battle that just occured. Cletus drags himself, Keenie and Collin away and uses the device to activate the portal to Earth. Loona grabs them and kicks them through the portal, confiscating their device. They end up back in the D.H.O.R.K.S. office, face-to-face with Agent One and Agent Two. Agent One is still in his Loona fursuit, and Agent Two has him on a leash while holding a coffee mug.]
Agent Two: Soooo... how'd it go?
[Cut to Stolas' palace, while he's shown sitting on his bed, anxiously tapping his foot and twiddling his thumbs, looking troubled. A bag is thrown over into his room, and Blitzo climbs up from the balcony, happily greeting Stolas.]
Blitzo: Hi-dee ha hoo ha, Stolas! Guess what I got for us? [He grabs the bag and pulls it closer to Stolas.] I got lots of fun shit for us to play with tonight! [He digs through the bag and pulls out a large candle with "Dankee" written on it.] Like this extra large candle that smells like... [sniff] hooorny! [He pulls out a butt plug reminiscent of a gnome.] I got- I got whatever, uh, this little guy is. [seductively] But I'm sure there's some place in your cloaca we can stick it. And look at this bad boy! [He pulls out the Dragon Driller, activating the vibration.] HAHAHA!
[Stolas looks at him, not particularly happy to see these items. Blitzo's smile slightly fades.]
Stolas: Do you.. ahem- Do you have my book, Blitzo? 
Blitzo: Yeah, uh, y-yeah, it's right here, I always bring it. Why do you... 
Stolas: I... need it back. Permanently. 
[Blitzo is about to hand him the book, but clutches onto it.] 
Blitzo: N-N-Now hold on, Stolas. Come on. Is this because I've taken up skipping a few rounds with you in bed because I'm busy? That ain't fair. Alright, I-I can still hold up my end of the bargain. Alright? L-Let me show you a good time tonight. [He reaches his hand out to Stolas] You know I cannn.. 
Stolas: Please don't... say it like that, Blitzo. I- 
Blitzo: Come onnnn, bitch. [He spreads Stolas' legs, causing Stolas to blush for a moment.] You know I don't disappoint~ 
Stolas: No, no, no, no. There's no need. [He gets up and starts to walk off] I've made up my mind. 
[Blitzo follows him and suddenly starts panicking.] 
Blitzo: Stolas, please! I-I need this book, please! [pause] I need this book, Stolas. I will do anything. 
[Stolas presents to Blitzo an Asmodean Crystal while levitating his grimoire.] 
Stolas: This is an Asmodean Crystal. It's registered in your name. 
Blitzo: Uh, what? 
Stolas: Asmodeus has his demons legally travel to Earth for work all the time. I made the case for you to own one. [He hands the crystal to Blitzo.] You will be technically under his jurisdiction, but you will be able to go anywhere you want in the human realm without fear of consequence. [He puts his grimoire back on the shelf.] Without breaking demon law. You no longer need my grimoire. 
Blitzo: [sheepishly] What... 
Stolas: You... no longer have any obligation to see me, to touch me, to bed me, you are... you are free of me. 
Blitzo: I... don't understand. Why are you giving me this? Am I not, like, fucking you good enough? Because I-I can always- I can always do better-- 
Stolas: Blitzo, I'm giving you this because I care.... very deeply for you. And I have for some time. [He places the crystal onto Blitzo's glove, embedding itself into his hand.] But this transactional thing we have, it's not right anymore. It hasn't been. It never was. And now all I can see is how wrong it is to be so tethered to someone in such an unfair way... and not know how they feel. But I want you to continue to be who you are, your business. You don't have to stay here with me. [He removes his hat.] But... I want you to. I want you to stay here with me because you want to. Only if you want to. 
[Blitzo only blinks twice, before smiling with a confident tone.] 
Blitzo: Oooookay, alright, you're fucking with me. 
[Stolas is visibly shocked by Blitzo's answer as he heads up to his bed. Stolas then looks heartbroken and sad, his suspicions of his love not being mutual having been true.]
Blitzo: This is an interesting roleplay. Never done this one, but I can get into it. Alright, how's this, okay... 
[He turns around and looks back at Stolas with a dreamy expression, playing along with his notion that this is all a joke.] 
Blitzo: "Oh, Stolas. I'll stay with you. I love you sooo much, I-" [Stolas puts his hand up, signaling for Blitzo to stop, and putting his hat back on.] 
Stolas: Thank you, Blitzo. For awakening me... for making me so happy. Even if only for a little while. [pause] I wish you the best with your business. [He walks off.] 
Blitzo: Wait, what? You were serious? Oh, hold on now, Stols. What the fuck? [Stolas opens the door and heads toward the hallway, with Blitzo following.] 
Stolas: I have my answer, Blitzo. You needn't say anything. I have wanted you for so long, the fact that you couldn't believe that I might have these feelings about you, that your first instinct is that it's always... about sex. [A brief pause.] That's enough to know what this is. 
Blitzo: [Blitzo looks offended by this.] What?! FUCK you, Stolas! You spring this feelings bullshit on me, are you fucking kidding? [He busts open the doors and angrily approaches Stolas.] Can I get a FUCKING minute to think after everything you put me through, you pompous, rich ASSHOLE?! 
[Stolas stops upon hearing that word as it echoes throughout the empty room. Blitzo walks around in circles before angrily approaching Stolas as he continues his venting.] 
Blitzo: Treat me like one of your little butler imps?! You can't just dismiss me like that! [He begins tearing up.] I mean, you royal fucks think you can do this EVERY TIME, like you can just play with our feelings because we're smaller and not as IMPORTANT! Well, I'm not letting you, BITCH! LET'S GO! 
[Stolas shuts down after Blitzo's outburst, and his lip quivers. Blitzo's expression gets less angry as he begins to process what he has said to Stolas and how he is taking this.] 
Stolas: Blitzo... I think so very highly of you... [His voice breaks and he begins to cry.] I didn't realize you think so low of me... 
[Blitzo's eyes widen in shock, realizing that Stolas' feelings were completely genuine.]
Stolas: Goodbye, Blitzo. [He looks at Blitzo for the last time, with tears falling down his face.] 
Blitzo: Stolas, wait! I'm s- [He reaches out, but before he can apologize, Stolas transports him outside of the palace, left alone in complete shock and confusion.] 
Blitzo: What... the... FUUUUUUUUCK?! 
[Camera pans up at the sky as Blitzo screams out. Birds fly past as the episode ends.]
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Category:Helluva Boss transcripts