Human Spongebob Scaredy Pants

This article is a transcript of the Human SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Scaredy Pants" from season one, which aired on October 28, 1999.
* Narrator: Halloween is no different under the waves. Pirates, skeletons, and monsters. [laughs evilly] Ohh, sorry. Everyone having fun. Well, almost everyone. [SpongeBob is washing the dishes in the Krusty Krab kitchen. The door creaks open and SpongeBob jumps in surprise]
* SpongeBob: Who's there? [door creaks open some more as SpongeBob goes back to washing some dishes. Turns around and 3 pieces of paper spelling out "boo" turn on the ordering turntable. SpongeBob speeds up the cleaning of the dishes until he finishes]
* SpongeBob: Ok, Mr. Krabs, the dishes are done, I'm leaving! [tries running out but Mr. Krabs stops him in his tracks]
* Mr. Krabs: Hold on. Don't you want to hear my annual scary story?
* SpongeBob: No thank you, Mr. Krabs. Uhh, does it have monsters in it?
* Mr. Krabs: Aye, the worst monster of them all.
* SpongeBob: Uhh...no. [opens the door then turns around] Is it a true story?
* Mr. Krabs: True as the blue sky.
* SpongeBob: Ok, maybe just a little.
* Mr. Krabs: Have a seat, me boy. [runs while saying "hot, hot, hot" sits on a log. Mr. Krabs puts a campfire in the middle of them] Every year on Halloween night, the Flying Dutchman descends on Bikini Bottom, in a pirate ship, just like this. [holds up a Hamburger] Only bigger!
* SpongeBob: Excuse me, did his ship look like a Hamburger?
* Mr. Krabs: Like I was saying, The Flying Dutchman swoops down and starts stealing people's souls.[holds up a pickle]
* SpongeBob: Do souls look like pickles?
* Mr. Krabs: Aye, as a matter of fact, they do. And he puts them where you can never get them...in his soul bag. [drops the pickle into a bag that has the words "Krusty Krab" crossed out and the word "soul" written above it. Mr. Krabs laughs evilly as Squidward appears behind SpongeBob in a pirate suit]
* Squidward: I've come for your pickle! [SpongeBob jumps up screaming]
* Mr. Krabs: Ah, Scaredy Pants gets easier to scare every year! [Squidward takes his costume off as SpongeBob, in a barrel, sees the pirate was Squidward]
* SpongeBob: Humph, Squidward!
* Mr. Krabs: Nothing like a good ghost story, eh, me boy? Hope you're not too scared to come to me party tonight, SpongeBob ScaredyPants! [laughs while walking out]
* Squidward: [walks up behind SpongeBob] Steal your soul. [SpongeBob jumps out of the Krusty Krab screaming and beings to walk home. As he is walking home, he sees a jack-o-lantern and then he walks up to a kid in a cowboy costume]
* Kid: Twick-ow-tweat! [SpongeBob screams and runs away. The kids parents walk up next to their son]
* Mother: It's ok, son. That's just SpongeBob Scaredypants. [SpongeBob is walking home until Mrs. Puff drives up and honks sending SpongeBob screaming and jumping to hold onto the street light]
* Mrs. Puff: Happy Halloween, Scaredypants. [drives off]
* SpongeBob: The name's SquarePants. Its SquarePants! [Cut later at his house, Cutting a pumpkin.  I don't get it, Gary. Every Halloween, no matter how hard I try, everyone seems to scare me.
* Gary: Meow.
* SpongeBob: [carves his pumpkin] Well, I'm sick of it. [SpongeBob opens his eyes] No more Scaredypants! [notices his pumpkin and screams while running into his closet]
* Patrick: SpongeBob!
* SpongeBob: Gary, it's Patrick! I'm going to scare him! It's my turn. [opens the door and tries to scare Patrick] Rawr! [Patrick has some funny glasses on]
* Patrick: Hiya, SpongeBob! [SpongeBob screams. Patrick takes his glasses off] Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.
* SpongeBob: Why can't I be frightening for once? Where's my chance?
* Patrick: Well, if you want to be scary, you got to need a good costume. [later, SpongeBob walks out of his closet with a big, white sheet on]
* SpongeBob: What do you think?
* Patrick: Great! You'll going as my trick-or-treat bag!
* SpongeBob: No, no! I'm the ghost of the Flying Dutchman!
* Patrick: Uhh...something's missing. I know! [Patrick runs inside SpongeBob's closet. A tree falls down but then gets sawed down by Patrick. Patrick comes out with a pair of clogs] Step into these babies, Hans. [SpongeBob steps into the clogs] Terrifying.
* SpongeBob: I don't know Patrick. [doorbell rings]
* Patrick: Come on, SpongeBob. It's little kids! Little kids are easy to scare! [door opens]
* Kids: Trick-or-treat!
* SpongeBob: [jumps out and tries to scare the kids like he did Patrick] Rawr-rawr! [kids laugh]
* Kid #1: Look, it's the haunted mattress!
* SpongeBob: Ok, ok, here's your candy.
* Kid #1: No, please, that was enough of a treat, thank you. [kids walk away laughing]
* SpongeBob: I don't get it, Patrick.
* Patrick: SpongeBob, look at my new paper ghost! [Patrick holds scissors in his right hand a has a puppet on his left hand] Oooh, scary.
* SpongeBob: That is it, Patrick!
* Patrick: What's it?
* SpongeBob: What's the difference between that ghost and me? [Patrick concentrates]
* Patrick: No, no, no wait. Don't tell me. [concentrates more] D-don't tell me. Don't tell me! Don't tell me! I can do this. Don't tell me! Don't tell me! Ok, tell me.
* SpongeBob: I have a square hairstyle and a real ghost has a round one. All we have to do is make my hair round and boo, I'm scary! [SpongeBob is now sitting on a chair in his bathroom. Patrick has goggles on]
* Patrick: Ok, are you ready?
* SpongeBob: [shows paper ghost] Remember, like this. [Patrick razors off SpongeBob hair's sides]
* Patrick: Are you sure you want to do this?
* SpongeBob: Shave me down, make my hair round! [Patrick razors off more and uses one piece to wipe off his sweat from his forehead]
* Patrick: All right, let's get to it. [razors off more part. Later, SpongeBob is a round ghost]
* SpongeBob: What do you think?
* Patrick: Perfect. Now that's scary! [Patrick puts on his funny glasses] Let's go scare somebody.[SpongeBob runs down a street trying to scare people]
* SpongeBob: Oooh...I'm the Flying Dutchman!
* Patrick: Oooh...I don't know who I am! [man opens door]
* SpongeBob: Rawr! Rawr! I'm the Flying Dutchman!
* Patrick: Oooh, I'm the Flying Dutchman's best friend! [both run off laughing]
* Man: Hey, don't you kids want your candy? [both jump behind some tree in the shape of a skeleton head]
* Patrick: Oh boy, that was something. Your costume really packs a punch.
* SpongeBob: Do you think?
* Patrick: Oh, no question! You scared the barnacles off that guy!
* SpongeBob: Who should we scare next?
* Patrick: There's a whole party just full of people at the Krusty Krab and the Flying Dutchman is going to be show up uninvited! [kids laughing] Here comes someone now! [SpongeBob jumps out to scare the kids from earlier]
* SpongeBob: Rawr! Rawr! I'm the Flying Dutchman! [SpongeBob & Patrick run off laughing again]
* Kid #2: Wasn't that the Haunted Mattress?
* Kid #3: I guess he's been demoted to a haunted sleeping bag! [kids laugh. Later, Mr. Krabs is bobbing for apples with his daughter Pearl, who is dressed up as Frankenstein's bride. Mr. Krabs chokes on an apple]
* Pearl: Oh, dad, you're embarrassing me again! [cries and runs off. Krabs spits out the apple which shoots past Squidward and Sandy]
* Sandy: Howdy Squidward, I mean, Flying Dutchman. Great party, huh?
* Squidward: What are you supposed to be?
* Sandy: Why, I'm a pet goldfish in a bowl!
* Squidward: I get it. [SpongeBob and Patrick are on the roof of the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob is tied up with some rope which Patrick will lower him in with. SpongeBob opens a door on the roof to peek through to look at the party]
* Patrick: Are you ready, SpongeBob? [thumbs up from SpongeBob]
* SpongeBob: Ok, Patrick, kill the lights!
* [lights go off and SpongeBob is lowered in appearing with a scary look. Everyone is screaming as Patrick is talking through a megaphone to scare everyone. Mr. Krabs even hides in the apple barrel]
* Patrick: Wa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! I am the Flying Dutchman! Booga, booga, booga, booga! Give me your souls!
* [a bee zaps Patrick. He screams and lets the rope go plunging SpongeBob down onto the floor]
* Patrick: Huh? [screams]
* Kid #3: [notices SpongeBob's pants] Hey, that's no Dutchman, that's SpongeBob!
* Sandy: SpongeBob?
* Squidward: SpongeBob. [everyone laughs]
* SpongeBob: [still dangling] Help! Help!
* Patrick: [using megaphone] I am not SpongeBob. Those are my street clothes! [thunder appears and the front doors are open]
* Flying Dutchman: Enough!!! [everyone gasps as green smoke comes into the Krusty Krab. A green figure appears]
* Mr. Krabs: It's the real Flying Dutchman!
* Flying Dutchman: You bet your white lily livers I'm the Flying Dutchman. I'm going to let you in on a little secret. I'm going to steal your souls. [everyone screams] Quiet!! [breathes out flames to burn them] You had it coming, you little crybabies. Every year, people dressing up like me. [Squidward takes his costume off and whistles nonchalantly] Turning the Flying Dutchman name in a laughingstock. But that's not the reason I'm taking your souls. [pointing at SpongeBob, who is hanging upside down] No, this is the straw that broke the camel's back. Out of all the Dutchman costumes I've seen, yours is the most insulting.
* SpongeBob: Do you mean I'm not scary?
* Flying Dutchman: You? Scary?! [laughs. Takes SpongeBob off the rope] Let me tell you about scary, kid. There's all kinds of scary things in the world. Spiders are scary, uhh, I'm scary. You, you're not scary. Ok, let's get this over with. [evil laugh which makes everyone scream in horror]
* Sandy: SpongeBob!
* Flying Dutchman: First, I got to get rid of this stupid costume. [takes off SpongeBob's ghost costume. Flying Dutchman flies out screaming. SpongeBob is now shown with now hair]
* SpongeBob: Hey, what do you know? I scared him! [laughs. Everyone runs out screaming] It worked, Patrick. I scared everybody!
* Patrick: Yeah, I guess it was your peach hat.
* SpongeBob: Peach hat? Oh, that's not a hat. I have no hair.
* Patrick: Oh. [runs out screaming. fades to black]
* SpongeBob: Don't worry, it grows back!.
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