Bigclaws in the Kelp

Bigclaws in the Kelp is the first episode of Starfish Skillz. It premiered on 9/7/23. It was written by Not-Joe. The next episode is Soulmates. 
== Transcript ==
[The series opening is played, then the episode opens on Patrick, Sam Star, and Patrick Jr walking on a path in an underwater forest.]
Patrick was holding an iPhone, filming himself.
Patrick: "Hello everyone on YouTide! It's your, uh… Starfish back again with another video with the fam!"
Pat Jr: "Seriously Dad, no one says fam anymore!"
Patrick: "And we're making it cool again! WOOHOO!!!"
Pat Jr rolled his eyes.
Patrick: "Today we're exploring Kelp Forest, where a mysterious hairy beast was caught on tape a few days ago!"
[Left swipe transition to a video of Perch Perkins sitting at a news table.]
Perch Perkins: "Perch Perkins here to confirm it's true. The creature is being called Big Claws by fish theorizing its origins. Watch this shocking viral video that was uploaded to Instaclam. Content warning: it's really scary stuff."
A kid was sitting on a bench, beside a walking trail. A big hairy crab shaped figure came out of the bushes behind the kid.
Figure: "Hey, do you have a quarter I can borrow?"
The kid leaped off the bench and screamed: "AAAAAAAAA!!!! MONSTER!!!!!"
The kid ran away.
[Left swipe transition back to Patrick.]
Patrick: "It's currently lunch time and I could go for a sandwich."
Sam Star: "WHAT'S THAT?!"
She pointed at a dark figure running through a shadowy patch of trees.
Patrick: "I don't know. Do you know, Jr?"
Pat Jr: "I don't know either. Do you know, Auntie Sam?"
Sam Star: "I don't know either. Do you know, Patrick?"
Patrick: "I don't know either. Do you know, Jr?"
Pat Jr: "I don't know either. Do you know, Auntie Sam?"
Sam Star: "I don't know either. Do you know, Patrick?"
Patrick: "I don't know either. Do you know, JFK?"
JFK from Clone High appeared.
JFK: "I have no idea, magic man."
Patrick: "Well gang, there's only one way to find out. TO THE DARK MYSTERIOUS WOODS!!!"
Patrick, Sam, and Pat Jr ran off the trail!
The scene cuts to the figure's perspective, at it was shown to be Mr. Krabs, running and holding a wallet!
(Thinking out loud) Mr. Krabs: "I thought this forest would be a good peaceful place to jog and count me money!"
The scene cuts back to the Starfish family far behind Mr. Krabs, chasing him!
Patrick: "I bet that's the creature we're looking for! If only we could stop it in its tracks!"
Pat Jr: "I have just the thing!"
Pat Jr held up a bow and arrow.
Patrick: "No, that's too violent."
Sam Star held up a rocket launcher.
Sam Star: "How's this?"
Patrick: "That's perfect! Fire away!"
Sam Star: "You got it!"
She shot a big missile out of the gun and it crashed into a large tree, which broke in half, and the top half of it fell on Mr. Krabs, pushing him down into a big pile of poop!
Mr. Krabs: "Agh! Gross!"
Me. Krabs got out from under the tree.
Mr. Krabs: "Is this… Sea bear poop?"
Suddenly, a bunch of yellow eyes appeared in the dark patch of woods in front of him.
Mr. Krabs: "Oh no…"
A huge herd of sea bears started bolting towards the Starfish family!
Pat Jr: "SEA BEARS!!!"
Patrick: "BACK TO THE VEHICLE!"
They quickly turned back and then sprinted up to…
Patrick: "The Rockmobile!"
He turned to the 4th wall.
Patrick: "Which has nothing to do with Dwayne Johnson."
Standing in all its glory, Patrick's rock house was in front of the Starfish family, in the middle of Kelp Forest.
Patrick took out a cartoonishly big remote and pressed a button, which made the house start changing its shape and transforming into a big rock van with windows, tires, doors, seats, and a steering wheel!
The Starfish family got inside the Rockmobile and Patrick steered it onto a dirt road in the forest! Mr. Krabs appeared in front of the Rockmobile, running away from it, as he was covered in mud and leaves, head to toe, making him look completely like a beastly creature!
As Patrick was driving, Sam opened one of the doors, and stuck her head out of the vehicle.
Patrick: "Jr, give Auntie Sam the net over there!"
Pat Jr picked up a big net and gave it to Sam, who then threw it far out of the vehicle, and onto Mr. Krabs, stopping him in his place!
They all got out of the Rockmobile and started walking towards Mr. Krabs.
Patrick: "Great job, guys! We caught Bigclaws!"
Suddenly, a green alien piloting a UFO appeared in the sky and pressed a gravity button, making Mr. Krabs float up to the bottom of the UFO! The alien rolled down a window on its craft, and tossed a half-eaten sandwich outside.
Patrick caught it, as the alien flew off with Mr. Krabs.
Patrick: "Yay! I got a sandwich!"
Patrick turned to the fourth wall.
Patrick: "That was crazy, guys! Thanks for watching this episode of Starfish Skillz! Hit the like button, share button, Krabby Patty button, ice cream button, garlic button, taco button, and mayo button! BYE!!!!"
Fin.
Category:Episodes
Category:Episode transcripts
Category:Transcripts
Category:B