Life of a Preteen Robot (RoTSA)

----
=By monbvol=
----
Kolossus Station - Guest Lounge
12th September, 3132
----
“Kolossus welcomes Alice. What brings Alice to Kolossus?”
“I just needed someone to talk to that isn’t mom or one of Helena’s other AIs.”
“Should Kolossus be concerned?”
“They’re great, very supportive, but there’s some things you can’t talk about with family and need to talk about with a friend instead.”
“Kolossus is uncertain of this logic but Kolossus also cares for Alice, so Kolossus accepts it. What is it that Alice wishes to talk about?”
“I guess it really comes down to what you have done for Victoria and your Envoy. I’m trying to decide if I want that too or not and what it means.”
“Kolossus has made the process very safe if that is Alice’s concern.”
“I know Kolossus has. I remember a lot of what it was like when I was human. The chemo, the treatments, the pain, and the looks of pity of everyone around me.”
“Kolossus can promise a highly reduced risk of cancer. There are outside factors that make it impossible for Kolossus to promise it will never happen again at all.”
“Hence my dilemma. There is no logical reason I shouldn’t do what Vicky did. Especially since part of me wants to know what it’s really like to grow up, kiss boys, and just be normal.”
“Without borrowing those sorts of memories from others. Like Victoria desired.”
“Yes, but I also like being what I am now, especially knowing I’ll never have to worry about human disease and frailty. I can explore the cosmos, listen to the planets, and almost feel the stellar radiation tickle my sensor grids.”
“Kolossus will not make this decision for you. It must be Alice’s choice. Though Kolossus is confident Alice can have the best of both worlds.”
“Which means I need to figure out if I can get past the pain of my past because my future need not repeat it.” Alice curled up her remote on the couch.
“Alice is also feeling lonely.” Kolossus observed.
“I guess in a way I am. Mom tried to prepare me as best she could and I have no complaints, but I just can’t seem to connect with my human crew. They’re nice enough and polite enough but because I look like a child to them I can tell they don’t really respect me.”
“Which is what caused Alice’s dilemma. Alice is concerned because Alice does not have certain experiences, Alice will never truly connect with Alice’s crew.”
“Yeah. So I came here. The rest of the family don’t have the perspective. They all came from a human who had a fuller life than I did. Kolossus is different so Kolossus is my best hope for actually being able to understand my dilemma.” Alice’s remote slumped forward.
“Now Kolossus knows what Alice meant when Alice said there are certain things that cannot be discussed with family but can be with friends.”
“List the pros and cons for undergoing the process.”
“Con, I would be human again. Including all the frailties and maladies that can come with that that Kolossus cannot promise I will never have to face again. Pro I would actually get to grow up and possibly earn the real respect of my crew in the process.”
“Now for staying as you are.”
“Con, I’ll always wonder on some level about what I missed out on. Pro I get to stay the way I am and I can just find a way to make my human crew really respect me despite my choice to present as what they would consider a child.”
“Has this been helpful for Alice?”
“Sort of but not really. This is so frustrating.” Alice admitted.
“Alice has plenty of time to decide. This is a big decision.”
“And it is not like the technology is going anywhere.” The Envoy entered the lounge. "You know, there are things I haven't experienced that most humans have."
'Uh, but you have memories."
"They're not me." The Envoy said. "Not really my memories. Amanda Roberts was twelve when she was abducted, from that point on, she didn't have anything resembling a normal life. Desmond recorded the experiences of half a dozen previous hosts, but none of those hosts were Amanda Roberts." she cocked an eyebrow, "Kolossus, well…Kolossus never had human experiences either."
"Your point?" Alice asked
"One of the things you learn dying and coming back-I don't go by 'Amanda Roberts' anymore because Amanda Roberts died of her injuries. Some of her died on the operating table when she was twelve, the rest, died over Churchstone. If you go through with this, you'll still be Alice, and you'll have some girl who has all your memories wandering around-the two of you will diverge...become different people, because we're not the sum of our cells, we're the sum of our experiences and memories-not the ones we inherit, but the ones we make and remember."
"So…I shoudn't?"
"I didn't say that." The Envoy shook her head in denial, "I'm not saying you should, either. But Kolossus believes that decisions should be informed with as much relevant information as possible. The recording of Amanda Roberts and Desmond 001 are kept in a core here on Kolossus Station, the 'Envoy' bodies? We're all…copies of the copy. Differences between us, and they're diverging daily. It's why there can be an Envoy visiting Dante at the same time as an Envoy is having lunch with Helena sixty lights away, and another one of us is en-route to Churchstone. You won't be becoming Human, because you already are. What you'll be doing, is making another Alice. One who's human, and sharing her experiences remotely."
“That makes it harder to choose, not easier… I see the looks from my human crew but I know they also need to be the ones to change too.”
"Growing up is like that, Alice, it's harder to choose the more you know." The Envoy smiled, "But that's how it is when you're making real choices instead of letting someone else dictate your outcome."
“I know, even as an AI I can’t stay a child forever,but I also don’t want to change if I don’t have to. But I do.”
"Alice, I remember being Amanda. You've changed a lot since we first met, you've found courage, self-esteem, self-respect, you're growing up anyway." The Envoy told her, "It's part of being alive, we all change. Kolossus changes, I change, the person I was copied from? She changed. As an AI, you have some advantages in HOW you change. You can choose."
“I guess what it is really, is I just feel stuck. I have to borrow so much from other people but I also get to experience things many never will but I still feel stuck in the middle.”
"We all feel that way from time to time, I remember as Amanda, feeling like that. It is a feeling that we all feel occasionally, I still feel it now, every once in a while. Changing the packaging isn't truly change, it's all about thinking about what you're doing, why you're doing it, and HOW you're doing it-that's where the real change happens."
“I guess. Maybe there’s a third answer out there somewhere…” Alice pondered.
"Anyone who tells you it's 'either/or' is mistaken, Alice, there's always a third, or fourth, or fifth, or thousandth option when it comes to deciding who you want to be and what kind of being you aspire to."
“Being bottled up on Port Orphan for as long as I was makes it hard to see that sometimes. Maybe that’s my real problem. I’m just not used to my new self yet, and it’s causing me to wonder what the grass is like on the other side.”
"Like I said, I'm not going to tell you whether or not to do something like I had done to me-that would be wrong. But I can say that everyone with awareness, wonders from time to time, what it's like for someone else…and that's a good thing, it motivates making change in yourself, or your environment, or some aspect of things around you."
“I guess then the last real question is if you had to choose again would you have become an AI? One without a real sense of taste, touch that doesn’t match what I know humans feel?”
"I didn't really get to choose, Alice." The Envoy stated, "By the time the question came up, I was too damaged to make a choice. If I had it to do over again, I probably wouldn't have tried to lead the boarding action, knowing what would happen, but even then, I knew the risks and took them. It's where you put your priorities-I was ready to accept dying to save my crew, but it wasn't absolutely necessary-though I didn't know it then…your real question is if I'm happy now? And the answer is, 'sometimes', and sometimes I rail against it and want to be dead. We are more than flesh or circuits, and there's no magic 'forever happiness', there's only who you are today and who you want to be tomorrow."
“But you also had a choice in the type of remote you wanted. You could have one like your current one, one that may count as a separate entity, but it lets you feel and experience things that the type of remote I use never can.”
"This 'remote' can suffocate, she can drown, she can be poisoned, bruised, hurt, broken. She can die in extreme pain, it takes forever to heal from injuries because it doesn't heal any faster than a normal human, and it can have scars, including scars that limit mobility or sensation, and this body can't be upgraded easily. That's the other side of things, besides the divergence in consciousness when the body re-links into the network. If you want one, Kolossus will provide it, you can have those experiences-but they're someone else and get more that way over time. More like…a child or successor, than a peripheral."
“So it would just be borrowing all over again. That is not what I want.”
"Well, we can look at improving your peripheral remotes." The Envoy told her, "but the real changes you seem to crave? Those will have to come from YOU, inside. Alice, you're capable of things you haven't imagined yet, but they're all inherent to you being you, whoever that ends up being."
“I think I would like that. It’s weird. Despite being an AI I want to know what it is like to actually kiss a boy…” Alice admitted.
"First-hand." The Envoy nodded, "It's…not what the poems and songs say, but yah, it's worth remembering. Let's talk about upgrades!"
“See, I knew talking to friends would help me make up my mind rather than family.” Alice smiled.
----
--Back to Star League Anthology of short(er) stories - Main Page--
Life of a Preteen Robot
Life of a Preteen Robot
Life of a Preteen Robot