Transcripts/Miracle Movie Flares

:[thunder and lightning]
:Emperor Belisarius: [evilly laughs] It is almost time. Once I have all three Benevento relics, no one will be able to stop me, and Rome will fall! For I am Belisarius!
:Jason: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
:Mr. Erik: Ugh! Cut!
:Jason: Sorry. But at this point in the story, Emperor Belisarius would be known as the Byzantine commander.
:[beat]
:Jason: What? Do you think he wants Constantine the Great to call her out for making a mistake like that?
:Mr. Erik: Let's go again. [through megaphone] And this time, say "Emperor Belisarius", 'kay? And action!
LMB theme song
:Jason: I can't believe we're really here!
:Luna: [Italian accent] Buongiorno. [normal] Thank you so much for letting us come, Mr. Erik.
:Martin: We promise we won't get in the way again.
:Jason: [nervous laugh]
:Mr. Erik: As a fellow Camp Everfree alum, I was more than happy to afford the guys who helped save it the chance to visit the set of our little film.
:Jason: Eh-heh! Little? This is Hospodines we're talking about! This movie is gonna be huge!
:P.A.: Uh, there's a problem with the wardrobe. They can't find the Italy Hospodines costume is supposed to wear in the nightclub scene.
:Mr. Erik: If we're ever able to finish it, it will be. If you'll excuse me.
:[Mr. Erik leaves]
:Luna: According to our visitor schedules, they won't start shooting the next scene for a while, which means we have time to—
:Tobias: Get my picture taken with Chesney Olivia – the actress playing Empress Constantine!
:Vincent: And ask her to sign my petition on behalf of the Fluttershy Corps to bring more bird feeders to our Canterlot Presidentials.
:[beat]
:Vincent: Well, Lady Chesney is an avid supporter of a foundation that helps build homes for animals in need.
:Luna: Oh, okay. But I was thinking that we could.
:Martin: Check out all the sets?
:Dennis: I'd sure like to get a closer look at that volcano.
:Luna: Actually, I thought we'd—
:Spike: Find the buffet!
:Celestia: And the cupcake fountain!
:Jason: I don't know what a cupcake fountain is, but I'm pretty sure they don't have one.
:Celestia: I read it in my 100 Things You Didn't Know About This Movie Studio: Insider's Tour Guide.
:Dennis: Is the number-one thing we didn't know that the guy who founded this studio was an eccentric oddball with a sweet tooth?
:Celestia: Oh, yes!
:Luna: I guess we're splitting up?
:The Petrovburg Heroes: [agree]
:[meanwhile...]
:Luna: Jason, I don't suppose you want to—
:Jason: Check out the props that Jan Henryk Dąbrowski designed especially for the movie?
:Luna: [explodes in anger] Jason! You read my mind!
:[clapperboard]
:[]
:Vincent: Maybe we shouldn't bother her when she's in her trailer.
:Tobias: Vinny, please. Actresses love interacting with their fans.
:[door opens, hits Tobias]
:Vincent: [gasps]
:Tobias: Oh, Lady Chesney! I—
:Lady Chesney: Ugh! I don't care if I'm under contract! This is a joke, and I want this thing shut down! Do you hear me?!
:[beep]
:Tobias: [giggles] She probably just didn't see us.
:[]
:Dennis: Hmm. Wonder how long it takes to build somethin' like this.
:Martin: Several weeks, I'd bet.
:Dennis: They sure do go all out makin' it looks like the real deal, huh?
:[crunch]
:Martin: Though I don't think the rainforest is known for its... Bon Mot peanut butter praline crunch bars.
:Dennis: Better pocket that. Wouldn't want it ruinin' the shot.
:[]
:Jason: [gasps] Wow! These are the three Benevento Relics!
:Luna: The Staff!
:Jason: The Sword!
:Jerry the Starlight Glimmer: Don't forget the Arrow of Benevento! You two boys are from Canterlot Presidentials, right?
:Jason and Luna: [nodding head] Uh-huh.
:Jerry the Starlight Glimmer: My name is Jerry, Jerry the Starlight Glimmer – the niece of Director Erik. What do you think?
:Jason: They're awesome!
:Jerry the Starlight Glimmer: Jan Henryk Dąbrowski is very hands-on when it comes to the sets and props for the movie.
:Luna: Have you met him, Princess Jerry?
:Jerry the Starlight Glimmer: Just once when he came to check out the relics. I did get him to sign a copy of the latest Italy Hospodines book, though.
:[squee]
:Luna: So what do you do here?
:Jerry the Starlight Glimmer: Mostly, I bring my uncle coffee and help get everything ready for shooting. I've been on the set for all the movies he's shot here. Pretty much know every inch of this place like the back of my hand. [giggles] I tried to convince him to cast me as Empress Constantine, but— [bitter] he really didn't go for that. [cheerful] Hey! Have you guys seen the set for Roger Bosso's secret lair?
:Jason: [gasps]
:Jerry the Starlight Glimmer: They usually lock the door to that set, but I've got keys that open just about every door in this place. Come on. I'll show you.
:Celestia: [sighs] Three lunch buffets, six different kinds of fondue, two rooms with nothing but candy, and still no cupcake fountain! Oh, well. At least we found those peanut butter praline crunch bars! They weren't in my guidebook, but they sure were delicious!
:Spike: [sighs] I'll say. You think they got any more?
:[in that secret room]
:Mr. Erik: Ahh! One more month, my daughter! That's all we need! I'm doing everything I can to keep us on schedule! But with all the setbacks we've had, I don't think we can do it! If you could just agree to stay on for one more month...!
:Lady Chesney: Unacceptable!
:Mr. Erik: But...
:Lady Chesney: Where are my imported peanut butter praline crunch bars?!
:Spike: [whispering to Celestia] Now would probably be a good time to resume the search for that cupcake fountain.
:[]
:Jason: [whispering] You guys should've seen the relics. [shouting] They were amazing!
:Mr. Erik: Ugh! Quiet on the set, please!
:Jason: [whispering] Sorry, sir! Maybe I'll just go take one more peek at them.
:[zip!]
:Mr. Erik: And... action!
:[thunder and lightning]
:[crack]
:The Petrovburg Heroes: [gasp]
:Mr. Erik: [exasperated] Cut! Cut! Cut! What is going on around here? We just filmed on this volcano, and it was fine! This could set us back weeks!
:Jason: They're gone! They're all gone!
:Mr. Erik: What's gone, Jason?
:Jerry the Starlight Glimmer: The Benevento relics!
:Mr. Erik and the Petrovburg Heroes: [gasp]
:[clapperboard]
:Jason: I wanted to check them out again up close, and they weren't there!
:Mr. Erik: This can't be happening! What are we gonna do?!
:Martin: Couldn't you just get the prop department to make new ones, sir?
:Mr. Erik: The missing relics were personally approved by Jan Henryk Dąbrowski! We could have new ones made, but we can't use them until Mr. Dąbrowski has given them his official stamp of approval! You think it'd be easy to reach someone who is always holed up in his office writing, but Mr. Dąbrowski is a very difficult gentleman to track down.
:Jason: I-It'll be okay, though, right, sir?
:Mr. Erik: Chesney's contract with us is almost up, and Mount of San Marino collapsing, and now this, I fear we'll have to stop production altogether!
:Jason: But-but, you have to finish this movie, sir! Think of all the Italy Hospodines fans who'll be so disappointed if you don't!
:Luna: Are you sure there's nothing you can do to...
:[crash!]
:Mr. Erik: [stressed] I'm so sorry. Please excuse me.
:[Mr. Erik leaves]
:Luna: Hmm... There was trouble with one of the costumes when we first arrived. A set that was fine yesterday just collapsed. And now, the most important props in the movie have been stolen. I don't think these are just coincidences.
:Martin: Me, neither. All the things that have gone wrong on set have put production on hold. It seems to me like someone is going through a lot of trouble to make sure this movie doesn't get made.
:Spike: Who would want to...?
:Vincent: [gasps] Astaghfirullah! You don't think...
:Tobias: Oh, no-no-no-no. Certainly not!
:Vincent: When Lady Toby and I followed Lady Chesney to her trailer, we overheard her saying something about shutting down the movie...
:Tobias: Yes, but she said she wanted something to shut down. We don't know that she was talking about the movie.
:Celestia: Maybe she's just really mad that they're always running out of her imported butter praline crunch bars.
:Martin: Bon Mot butter praline crunch bars?
:Celestia: Those are the ones!
:Spike: We, uh... may have tried a few ourselves. Heh.
:Martin: We found this on the Mount of San Marino set right before it collapsed.
:Luna: It sure seems like all signs are pointing to Lady Chesney as the one causing all the problems around here.
:Jason: I don't know who's behind this or what's going on, but the first thing we need to do is find those relics.
:Luna: I agree, Jason. The relics were here earlier, and if Lady Chesney is behind this, then they must still be around here somewhere.
:Tobias: Lady Chesney Olivia is an acclaimed actress! She'd never do something so dramatic!
:Martin: [sarcastically] An actress? Dramatic? Never.
:Dennis: Well, she might do somethin' like this if she was tryin' to get out of workin' on a movie she didn't want to do.
:Martin: Why don't Vincent, Tia, Spike, and I follow Lady Chesney and see if we can find anything out?
:Celestia: Let's do it!
:Luna: In the meantime, we should look for the Benevento relics.
:Dennis: Where do we even start? It's not like there's some mysterious, thievin', cloaked figure we can chase after and say, "Hey, tell us where they're keepin' the relics!"
:Tobias: You mean like that one?
:Jason: [notices a thief] Hey! Stop right there!
:[magic sounds]
:[whoosh]
:[chase music]
:Jason: [panting] I can't believe I lost them! My geode gives me super speed, but I guess being awesomely fast doesn't help when the person you're chasing knows their way around better than you do.
:[]
:Martin: Hey, guys.
:Dennis: Any luck findin' Lady Chesney?
:Martin: We couldn't find her.
:Celestia: But we did find a cupcake fountain! [chomp]
:Martin: Then we got lost and somehow ended up here. What have you guys been doing?
:Jason: We spotted this super-suspicious cloaked figure, but they got away [sighs] They're here somewhere.
:Nervous P.A.: There you are! W-Where are your costumes? We've got to hurry! I-I-I'm so gonna be fired if you aren't ready. The director wants to shoot in three minutes!
:Dennis: Uh, I think there's been some kind of mistake.
:Film Director: Wait, wait. Who are these guys?
:Nervous P.A.: They're the Honfoglalás combatants!
:Film Director: [groans] 
:Nervous P.A.: I'm fired, am I?
:Film Director: So fired, silly!
: [Jason approaches]
:Dennis: Hey! There he is!
:Jason: [grunts]
: [chase music resumes]
:The Petrovburg Heroes: [panting]
: [car alarm]
:The Petrovburg Heroes: [out of breath]
: [door opens]
:Dennis: Uh, what's this place supposed to be?
:Jason: And where did she go?
:Luna: She must be around here somewhere. Wherever here is.
:Celestia: [gasps] Are you kidding, guys?! This is the set of "Ukraine the Land of Pudding"!
:Dennis: Ukraine the Land of what, now?
:Celestia: [grunts] It's only my all-time favorite movie!
:[beat]
:Tobias: [smacks]
:Celestia: I've tried to get you all to watch it, like, a kazillion-billion times! I've heard they use real pudding! [tastes] Oh, they do! [slurp]
:Jason: Ugh! We're running out of time, Tia! We're supposed to be hunting down the missing relics and catching the bad guy, not eating pudding!
:Luna: We're trying. Maybe we should make our way back to the Italy Hospodines set. There might have been some clues we missed.
:The Petrovburg Heroes (except Luna and Jason): [scream]
:Jason: Don't worry, guys! I've got this!
:[]
:Jason: I saw you come in here. Where are you?
:[suspenseful music]
:Jason: [whimpers]
: [door slams]
:Jason: [screams, sighs]
:[locker door creaks]
:Jason: Hey! This is just like the outfit of the Italy Hospodines wears in the nightclub scene. What's it doing in here?
:[door creaks shut]
:[door rattling]
:Jason: Hey!
:[door slams]
:Jason: [grunts] Hello? Is anybody out there? [sighs, snaps] No problem! I'll just call my friends and let them know... [groans] Except I can't because security took all our phones when we got here. [groans] Help! I'm trapped in here!
:[]
:Dennis: We have to find Jason!
:Tobias: I don't see how Jason is. He moves so fast, he could be anywhere on the lot by now. Why he felt it necessary to wear the geode that gives his super-speed to a movie set, I'll never know.
:Martin: I wish I'd brought mine. One touch and I'd be able to see Lady Chesney's memories and get to the bottom of this whole thing.
:Celestia: I know how to find Jason! Follow the pudding! See?
:Spike: [sniffing] Follow me!
:Luna: You are a genius, Tia.
:Celestia: I know.
:Martin: C'mon, this way!
:Celestia: Eh, for the road!
:[clapperboard]
:Spike: [sniffs]
:Celestia: There's no more pudding. Which means he must be here somewhere.
:Luna: Hello? Is anyone here?
:Dennis: Jason? Where are ya?
:[door rattling]
:Jason: [muffled, grunting] Help! Somebody! I'm trapped in here!
:Vincent: Hello? Jason? Are you in there?
:Jason: [muffled] Yes, Vincent! Help! I'm locked in!
:Vincent: It's okay, Jason. We're here.
:Martin: I'll go find somebody with a key.
:Luna: Wait!
:[magic sounds]
:Jason: Guys, am I happy to see you!
:Tobias: Did you just make that lock unlock itself?
:Martin: Nice!
:Dennis: Thinkin' maybe we should all start wearin' our geodes around. Never know when our new magic might come in handy.
:Jason: How did you find me? I gave up banging on the door five minutes ago.
:Celestia: Pudding never lies.
:Martin: Hey, is that the costume that went missing when we first got here?
:Jason: Yeah. But I didn't see the person who locked me in, and there was still no sign of the relics.
:Jason: Huh. I say we head back to the scene of the crime. Maybe there's somethin' there that could lead us to the relics.
:Luna: Or... we could let the culprit lead us to them!
:Jason: How? I just told you I didn't see who locked me in here.
:Luna: I've got a pretty good idea who our thief is. But we're gonna need Mr. Erik's help to catch her.
:[]
:Mr. Erik: You found this in a supply closet?
:Luna: We didn't find the relics. But we don't think the thief has had a chance to take them off the lot yet. We wanted your permission to search the Principality of Rome set from top to bottom. Maybe we'll find a clue that would lead us to where they're hidden.
:Mr. Erik: Of course. [to Chesney] Chesney, I need you to get into hair and makeup. As soon as we get the relics, we're gonna start shooting again.
:Lady Chesney: Hmph. We'll see.
:Mr. Erik: Jerry, can you make a smoothie party? I'm sure all this sleuthing is gonna make everyone thirsty.
:Jerry the Starlight Glimmer: Absolutely!
:[last attempt: at last! Jerry has been caught red-handed!]
:Tobias: I told you all, it wasn't Lady Chesney's failure.
:Jerry the Starlight Glimmer: [coyly, gasps] Look! I found the missing relics!
:Martin: Because you're the one who stole them!
:Mr. Erik: She... She wouldn't.
:Luna: She would, sir. And she did. What she didn't expect was for Jason to come to the Principality of Rome set before she was able to sneak them off to a safer hiding place. So, she was forced to hide them in the first place she could find them.
:Jason: Ah! They're gone!
:Jerry the Starlight Glimmer: What happened?
:Luna: But she knew she couldn't leave them there.
:*-*-*
:Luna: [voiceover] So the first chance he got, Jason tried to sneak them away. Unfortunately for him, we spotted him! But Princess Jerry knows "every inch of this place like the back of his hand" and was able to trap us and lose Jason.
:[whoosh]
:Luna: [voiceover] For a while. But when Jason managed to figure out where he'd run off to, she locked him in a closet with a set of keys that gives him access to "just about every door in this place"...
:*-*-*
:Luna: ...which gave him the time she needed to hide the relics here.
:Jason: [scoffs] When did you figure out it was her, boy?
:Luna: I started to piece things together when I unlocked the door to get you out of the supply closet. But I knew Princess Jerry would never admit she was the one who had taken the Benevento relics.
:Martin: Unless, of course, she was caught in the act of trying to move them again!
:Luna: [to Mr. Erik] Sir, which is why I told you to send her to that smoothie party. So she'd think she had the opportunity to get the Benevento relics off the lot where we'd never find them.
:Jerry the Starlight Glimmer: But instead of searching the Principality of Rome set, you all were secretly following me here.
:Mr. Erik: Jerry, why would you do this?!
:Jerry the Starlight Glimmer: I'm sorry! Okay? I'm sorry. I just can't stand with Lady Chesney. She's always eating all the peanut butter praline crunch bars, which are the only candy bars I like.
:Celestia: [crunches]
:Mr. Erik: That's hardly a reason to go...
:Jerry the Starlight Glimmer: [angry] And I was mad at you for casting her as Empress Constantine! I mean, I have told you over and over again how badly I wanted to play the Italy Hospodines, and you just ignored me!
:Mr. Erik: But, Jerry, you're too young! You don't have any experience.
:Jerry the Starlight Glimmer: I know! But I thought if enough things went wrong, Lady Chesney would maybe back out of the movie, and then... you would give me a chance.
:Mr. Erik: Not only did you jeopardize the production and endanger the safety of the actors and the film crew, but you also lied to me and took advantage of my trust!
:Jerry the Starlight Glimmer: I know. A... and I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt anyone, and I was going to return all the props, just as soon as Lady Chesney quit. I hope you can forgive me.
:Mr. Erik: You're my niece, Jerry, so, of course, I can forgive you. But I'm sorry to say you're no longer welcome on the set, and it'll be a long time before I consider allowing you back here! Keys!
:[]
:Lady Chesney: Daddy, there you are! [laughs] So sorry I'm not in makeup, but I've just gotten a call from my agent. I no longer have to work on that ridiculous documentary about nests next month. Ha-ha! I swear, when they approached me, I thought they wanted to do a documentary about my organization for homeless animals, [laughs] not on various "nests" around the world! Completely misleading! But no matter! That's all behind us!
:Mr. Erik: Does this mean...?
:Lady Chesney: No more scheduling conflicts! I can extend my contract and continue filming Italy Hospodines. Hey, are those the missing Benevento relics?
:Mr. Erik: Yes. And I don't think we'll have to worry about them disappearing again. And it's all thanks to our visitors from Canterlot Presidentials. [to the Friheten Seven] First, you guys save Camp Everfree, now the Italy Hospodines movie. Y'all are certainly on a roll.
:Jason: Heh, heh. Uh, speaking of roles... Don't suppose you've got any extra parts my friends and I could play? You know, heh, as a reward in the battle for Petrovburg?
:Mr. Erik: I think we could figure something out.
:[clapperboard]
:[action music]
:Emperor Belisarius: You will give me the Sword of Benevento!
:Lady Chesney: I don't think so, Belisarius!
:Emperor Belisarius: Have it your way! Hostium prihobore... [continues incantation] Give up now, Princess Constantine! The Sword shall be mine! [evil laugh]
:Jason: [wolf whistle]
:[Raiders-esque music]
:Jason: This is so awesome!
:Mr. Erik: Cut! Again?!
:Jason: Uh, sorry.
:[clapperboard]
:THE END
id: Transkrip/Miracle Movie Flares
Category:LMB transcripts