Transcript: Horrid Henry's Horrible Homework

[In the living room, Henry watches Too Cool for School when Peter comes in and blocks his view]
TV: And now, the moment you've all been waiting for.
Perfect Peter: Henry, Mum says...
Horrid Henry: Out of the way, worm! And, they're gonna put someone in the Bog of Doom!
Perfect Peter: Mum says she doesn't care who's going into the bog of anything. Your homework's more important.
TV: Oh no! I can't believe it!
Horrid Henry: Nothing is more important than the Bog of Doom! So move over, smelly nappy baby!
Perfect Peter: Mum says, homework now, Henry!
TV: Oh! I can't look!
[Henry, furious, turns into a Horrid Gorilla. He picks up Peter]
Perfect Peter: Mum!
Mum: Don't be horrid, Henry! (comes into the living room and blocks the TV)
Horrid Henry: Oh, Mum!
Mum: I said, homework now, Henry.
TV: Oh no! Oh no! Oh...
[Fluffy turns off the TV]
Horrid Henry: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
[Title card appears]
Rude Ralph: Henry! [Henry and Ralph high five] Last night was amazing, wasn't it?
Horrid Henry: Was it?
Rude Ralph: Yeah! It was too cool for school!
Horrid Henry: Oh, didn't see it.
Rude Ralph: Didn't see it? Why not?
Horrid Henry: Homework.
Rude Ralph: Homework? Don't tell me you actually did some.
Horrid Henry: [stops Ralph] Of course I didn't. But Mum wouldn't let me watch TV, so I read a Gross Class Zero confer annual instead.
Rude Ralph: Oh. I wonder last year or the year before.
Horrid Henry: Oh, last year's. The one before was rubbish.
Rude Ralph: Yeah. It was.
Miss Battle-Axe: [sees Henry and Ralph late for class] Henry. Ralph. In here now. So, of course, as you all know, the first subject of the day is: homework. I'm assuming you haven't done any, Henry.
Horrid Henry: Uh, no, Miss.
Miss Battle-Axe: And what is your excuse this time?
Horrid Henry: Ummm... uh...
[The scene changes to the school canteen]
Brainy Brian: You know, Henry, you could actually try doing some homework.
Horrid Henry: Ha, yeah. And how am I gonna do that?
[Greasy Greta puts some stew into Ralph's bowl]
Brainy Brian: Well, there are lots of websites that can help you with your homework.
Horrid Henry: But is there one that actually does your homework for you?
Brainy Brian: Well, what would be the point of that?
Rude Ralph: Worth a look, Henry.
Horrid Henry: Yeah. Thanks Brian!
[In the living room, Henry is using the computer for homework while Peter comes in]
Perfect Peter: Henry, Mum says...
Horrid Henry: Go away, worm. Can't you see I'm busy? [continues typing]
Perfect Peter: Mum says she doesn't care if...
Horrid Henry: What? She doesn't care that I'm doing homework?
Perfect Peter: [amazed] Henry? You're doing your homework?
Horrid Henry: Yes. Look.
Perfect Peter: 'The Ultimate Website for Homework'. Oh, Henry. You are doing your homework! Keep up the good work, Henry. It's all worth it in the end. Mum!
Horrid Henry: Hmmm, let's see. 'The Ultimate Website for Homework Excuses'! [laughs] This is what I need. Let's try the random selector button.
Miss Battle-Axe: And what is your excuse this time?
Horrid Henry: Well, I was halfway through my homework, and I got distracted, Miss.
Miss Battle-Axe: Did you now? And what exactly was it that distracted you, Henry?
Horrid Henry: An investigation into the root cause of physical randomicity, Miss.
Miss Battle-Axe: [confused] Eh?
Horrid Henry: Yes, it's a really interesting subject. Would you like me to tell you all about it, Miss?
Miss Battle-Axe: Uh, no Henry, not now. But I'm glad to hear that you've been doing some work, of sorts. 
[The scene changes to the next day]
Miss Battle-Axe: So, Henry, anything distract you from your homework last night?
Horrid Henry: Well, yes, Miss Battle-Axe.
Miss Battle-Axe: I'm waiting, Henry.
Horrid Henry: The fascinating question of whether man is mighty or mundane.
Miss Battle-Axe: Hmmm. And what conclusion did you come to?
Horrid Henry: Ah, well, I didn't, Miss. You see...
[Margaret and Susan groan. The scene changes to the next day]
Miss Battle-Axe: Don't tell me, Henry. You got distracted.
Horrid Henry: Yes, Miss. [draws Henry's subject for homework] Interglyco Genetics.
Miss Battle-Axe: Interglyco what?
Horrid Henry: Interglyco Genetics. Who can tell me what this means? [Brainy Brian raises his hand] Uh, Brian?
Brainy Brian: An in-depth analysis of whether you really belong in your family or whether you are a changeling who has been left there as a punishment.
Horrid Henry: Uh, nearly, Brian.
Miss Battle-Axe: Well, I'm glad to see that someone else is keeping up with you, Henry. So, that will be your homework for tonight. I expect an essay on the subject of Interglyco Genetics. [the class gasps] On my desk. By the start of school tomorrow. [the class groans, and the school bell rings] Class dismissed! Stop! I mean what I say, everyone. Triple detentions all round if anyone, and I mean anyone: fails to deliver.
Anxious Andrew: Oh, Henry, this is going to be so hard.
[William sobs]
Rude Ralph: Game of football, Brian?
Brainy Brian: Nope. I'm off to the library. Even I'm worried about this homework, Henry.
Horrid Henry: Well, aren't you going to give me a hard time too, bogey brain?
Moody Margaret: Huh? You're talking to me, snotslime?
Horrid Henry: Yeah. How much do you know about Interglyco Genetics?
Moody Margaret: Quite a lot, actually.
Horrid Henry: Huh? You mean it's... it's really a subject?
Moody Margaret: Yes. And it just so happens that my dad's best friend is the Head of the Institute of Interglyco Genetics!
Horrid Henry: Really?
Moody Margaret: Yeah, really. And it just so happens that he's coming to our house for dinner tonight. So I am sorted! Um, how about that game of football, Ralph?
Rude Ralph: Uh, yeah. All right then.
Horrid Henry: Did I just imagine all that?!
[The scene changes to Margaret's house later that evening, where the Head of the Institute of Interglyco Genetics is having dinner with Margaret and her parents. Henry sneaks towards the dining room's double doors]
Moody Margaret: So, tell me all about Interglyco Genetics?
Head of the Institute of Interglyco Genetics: It'd be my pleasure, Margaret. Interglyco Genetics is a ground-breaking new area of research that started only 20 years ago.
Horrid Henry: Can you believe I'm doing this? [quietly opens the door and listens in with an empty toilet roll tube] I'm not leader of the Purple Hand Gang for nothing, you know.
Head of the Institute of Interglyco Genetics: And here's something else that no-one else knows: Scientists have discovered that if you multiply the number of genes [Henry writes this down while Margaret's parents look bored] by the number of times you sneeze in a millisecond, you'll be able to...
Moody Margaret: How fascinating. Um, would you like some more sprouts?
Head of the Institute of Interglyco Genetics: Oh, uh, thank you. So then, I blah blah, blah blah blah, blah blah... [a while later, Margaret's parents are asleep and are snoring] ...and so, that's where we've got to so far.
Horrid Henry: Huh, mission accomplished! Reckon I've got enough to please old Battle-Axe. [goes home]
Head of the Institute of Interglyco Genetics: So, would you like me to tell you what our plans are for the future?
[The scene changes to school the next day, where everyone has handed in their homework]
Miss Battle-Axe: [looks over the class] So, I see you have all done your homework. Including you, Henry.
Horrid Henry: Yes, Miss.
Miss Battle-Axe: [reads from Henry's essay] 'And here's something else that no-one else knows: Scientists have discovered that if you multiply the number of genes by the number of times you sneeze in a millisecond, you'll be able to...' Well, it's hard to be impressed after all this time Henry, but what I will say is that you seem to have avoided a triple detention. [Margaret looks cross] For once. [picks up Margaret's essay] Ah, Margaret, let's see what you've come up with. 'And here's something else that no-one else knows: [Margaret growls] Scientists have discovered that if you multiply...' Margaret, what have you to say for yourself? You appear to have copied Henry's homework. [Margaret shakes her head] Quite unbelievable in the circumstances!
Moody Margaret: But, but...
Miss Battle-Axe: No buts, Margaret. It's all here in black and white!
Horrid Henry: [laughs] Looks like it's a triple detention for you, bogey brain.
[Margaret growls and shakes her fist at Henry]
Miss Battle-Axe: However, I have decided not to give you a triple detention, Margaret.
[Margaret and Henry are both surprised to hear this]
Horrid Henry: Huh?
Miss Battle-Axe: Instead, you will attend a three-hour talk...
Moody Margaret: [stands up] You what? Three hours?!
Miss Battle-Axe: ...to be given by the Head of the Institute of Interglyco Genetics this afternoon.
Moody Margaret: No, please! Give me the detention instead!
Horrid Henry: Haha, result!
Miss Battle-Axe: Oh, and Henry.
Horrid Henry: Huh? Yes, Miss Battle-Axe?
Miss Battle-Axe: Since you seem to be such an expert on the subject, you will attend the talk too. I'll sure you'll both find it fascinating.
[Henry and Margaret look at each other]
Horrid Henry & Moody Margaret: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Category:Transcripts