Jury Fury/Transcript

(Intro)
Announcer: Bum b-b-bum bum bum! Birdena is suing Turdsley for trespassing in her yard and squishing her garden.
Judge Mia: Order order order order order order order in the-
Nut: Stop the case!
[crowd gasps]
Mia: Nut, what is the meaning of this?
Nut: Terribly sorry, your honor, but it has come to my attention that your courtroom does not meet the new law.
[crowd gasps]
Mia: What new law?!
Nut: Judicial Bill 17-30, it was just passed this morning. He hem. Let me read from section one: There shall be a jury in every court!
[crowd gasps]
Mia: A jury?
Nut: That's right. But I've already taken the liberty of putting one up for you.
Jury: Hi.
Mia: Were they even there before? Wait a minute. Does this mean that I don't get to make the decisions anymore?
Nut: That's right. From now on you'll be more of a...decoration.
[crowd gasps]
Mia: Nut, please! I hate this new law! Do something! Anything!
Nut: Sorry, but the law is the law. ON WITH THE CASE!
Mia: Grrrrr...
Ginger, as a Jury Member: I know we'll be the best of friends. Don't you?
Birdena: I came here to sue a snot-nosed little brat! Not to listen to this court sitcom!
Mia: Ah, yes. Birdena, please tell us what happened.
Birdena: Ladies and gentleman of the juraaaaayyy
Mia: Hey! You're supposed to tell me what happened!
Ginger, as a Jury Member: Not anymore!
Birdena: Mia, just pipe down. I'm trying to tell the jury. Ladies and gentleman of the juraaaaayyy...I was a poor, elderly woman, tending my garden one day. But than this...BAFOON! [crowd gasps] Trampled across the fence and squished my poor vegetables! They're my only source of food. I don't believe in going to the grocery store. Anyway, I am just suing for my vegetables back...and also a trillion billion dollars. I think you'll all agree that that is a fair punishment. Thank you, I have no more.
Jury: Oh, ya, sounds reasonable.
Mia: That's not even a real number!
Pinceone, as a Jury Member: Mia, we rule the courthouse now, not you.
Mia: But-
Nut: Listen to the jury, Mia
Mia: So unfair!
[commercial break]
Jury: Guilty. Guilty, guilty, guilty.
Mia: Why do they get to decide who's the winner?
Turdsley: It's my turn to say what happened! Ladies and gentleman of the juraaaaayyy I didn't squish her garden; She's overreacting. I just touched her rosebud. That is all.
Jury: Guilty. Guilty, guilty, guilty.
Nut: Ladies and gentleman of the juraaaaayyy, you may now decide who is guilty.
Jury: [whispers]
Mia: That should be me! Alright, I've had just about enough of this jury!
[attacks Nut]
Mia: Listen up, you stupid squirrel thing! If you don't change that law, than I will!
Nut: You're...choking...me...
[crowd gasps]
Ginger, as a Jury Member: Tuh. Amateurs.
Mia: [grabs law] What do we have here? I'll just add a few modifications of my own. [writes "No Jury" on law] Yah! Alright, you fools! It's right there is black and white! So there shall never be a jury in my courtroom again! [to Jury:] Get out of my courtroom, you hypocrites!
Jury: [gasp, and leave]
Mia: I'm the judge; it's my courtroom; and I say that Turdsley wins!
Turdsley: Yaaaaahhh!
Birdena: Uh! That doesn't even make sense! I hate this place! I shall get revenge, Judge Mia! [turns to camera] Don't you film me!
Nut: Uh, what happened, I can't remember anything. What's this? A new law that says no juries allowed? Oh, yes, no jury, no jury...
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