American Dad Speedrunning

7th episode of The Sampsons.
== Transcript ==
Bert: yo dudes and other sex (heh) LAUGH AT THE FUCKING JOKE anyway mah bros im gonna be doin a speedrun of the american dad intro because that gets the money these days please kill me dad anyway lets get onto this crap (boots up game) oh yeah baby there we go OHHH
Humer: BERT ARE YOU SERIOUSLY MASTURBATING IN THE LIVING ROOM IF SO can i join
Bert: FUCK YOU RUINED MY SPEEDRUN AAAAAAAAAAAA (restarts) alright lets get this floor glitch down quick family section pause and unpause to skip newspaper-
Merge: Bert it’s time to take a shower so pause that game.
Bert: GOD DAMN IT YOU MADE ME RUIN MY RUN! I’ll take a shower later mom. I know what I’m doing wrong, I don’t have the proper gaming setup. I’ll need an energy drink, some chips, a sweaty face, and a heartbeat counter which displays my beat at 120 BPM. (boots up game) ok floor glitch done, quick family, pause to get newspaper skip...let’s see if I can skip the car part...FUCK! ugh that ruined my time, I’ll have to restart.
Lisa: Hey bert, I heard you were trying to speedrun the American Dad Intro.
Bert: I don’t need your help.
Lisa: (picks up bert by the neck) YES YOU DO
Bert: what the fucking fuck fuck fuck OH FUCK OHHH do you want from me
Lisa: (whispers in bert’s ears)
Bert: hehe sweet home alabama
Lisa: is that a yes
Bert: yes. now go do your shit
(Lisa starts hacking the console)
Bert: woah gnarly dudette the forums won’t allow hacking
Lisa: Hmm...here, try the GameCube controller instead. (passes it over)
Bert: woah man this is much better (boots up game) alright floor clip, newspaper skip, car skip, FLAG! YES! YES FUCK YEAH WOOO WORLD RECORD (submits it to the forums)
Lisa: Aright, now do what I want you to do.
Bert: alright give me a sec (searches up “Rule 34 Paheal”) ok buddy let’s jump in (they jump in)
Humer: hm where kids go
Merge: HONEY THE KIDS ARE (censored)
Humer: ah my boy’s finally done it
Merge: SISTER
Humer: (sips duff) yep alls well
Merge: ni
Humer: hm i will go try American Dad Speedrun. (plays game) hey wow i skipped everything, straight to the flag in less than a second. new world record for me (submits it)
Merge: FUCK YOU I AM GONNA SAVE THE KIDS (jumps into the website the kids are)
(Ned Flanders walks in)
Ned Flanders: HI DIDDLY HOE NEIGHBORINO
Red Flanders: WHO THE BLECHING BLECH ARE YOU
Ned Flanders: Huh? (trips and falls into the website)
Humer: Merge...Ned..Sex? ABYYBABCEYWUEWEU NOOOOOOOO! REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (jumps into website) Ah I See This Is Rule 34 Oh My God My Eyes
Merge: How are we ever gonna get out of here?
American Dad: (clipping through floor) WITH MY SPEEDRUNNING POWERS I SHALL TRANSPORT YOU ALL BACK HOME
Lisa: Wait! I’m not finished yet! 
Bert: Ooga Booga
(They are transported out)
Humer: Merge my wife bring me the boy
Merge: Our son, the bert sampson
(Humer picks up bert)
Humer: Boy, you did something unspeakable today.
Bert: yeah what are you gonna do about it old man
(Humer brutally wraps his hands around his son’s neck and chokes him hard)
Bert: ACK ACK ACK ACK oh hey look we’re now famous because of the american dad speedrun
Humer: YAY
Bert: i feel a song coming on
Good morning USA
I've got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day
The sun in the sky has a smile on his face
And he's shining a salute to the American race
Oh boy it's swell to say, Good morning USA!
Good morning USA
Reporter: Humer Sampson, after being caught choking your son and going to jail, what do you have to say?
Humer: nigeria
Reporter: And if it wasn’t for this girl, we wouldn’t have that world record. Anything to add, Lisa?
Lisa: I (censored) my brother and posted it online
Reporter: What the fuck
(Cut to Mr. Barns sitting in a chair watching something on his large TV, you hear moans)
Mr. Barns: Excellent.
(end)
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