2013-01-29 Hulk, Protector of the Trees

A week ago the Hulk was in Metropolis, but a week is a long time. He has been Banner much of the time since, forced to buy yet another set of clothes, a plane ticket back to New York, and then spent much of the intervening time researching the possibility of generating anti-gamma energy. Hulk does not know how that went for Banner, and did not make the connection between his own origins and the idea that anti-gamma energy might negate the source of his power. He's not all that bright.
This morning Banner left his lab and went to get a cup of coffee at a Starbucks in Queens. The barrista foolishly left the lid off the cup and tripped in the attempt to give it to Banner. As a result, Banner was splashed with extremely hot liquid, and now there is one fewer Starbucks in Queens (which still means there are infinite Starbucks in Queens), and there is a great green oaf wandering about Central Park.
It's not that cold, on the bright side, and Hulk doesn't often notice things like weather anyway. He wears a torn pair of black trousers and the ruins of his lab coat as he carefully avoids knocking over trees. Just now he has managed to find one of the streams that runs through the park and a small beaver dam across said stream, and is observing closely the effects the beavers have had on the trees near their dam. "Beavers not bite trees!" he declares toward the dam. "Beavers leave trees alone or Hulk smash!" This being his idea of lecturing the beavers on the enviromental effects of their activity.
When Axiom heard about a Hulk-sighting, he was set as far as post-work plans for the day. He was turning up nothing but dead ends on his search for information about the Watchdogs and was considering patrol but this is much better. So following the reports of various people through online postings and face to face interviews, Axiom's made his way into Central Park. His home turf so to speak.
It doesn't take him too long to find the direction the Hulk went and he arrives in time to overhear the lecture. "Um...Hulk-sir," the masked teen speaks up as he approaches carefully. "Why are you yelling at the b-b-beavers?"
The Hulk is used to running afoul of superheroes, but he is not looking for a fight -- and the best way to avoid a fight, of course, is to make himself look so big and mean that people run away. Well, this technically works on just about everybody -but- the superheroes, but it's worth a try, so slowly he rises from his crouched position and turns, lowering his head, furrowing his brow, narrowing his eyes, hunching his shoulders, bunching his fists. Snorts so that his breath is visible emerging from his nose in the cool air. "Hulk not break trees. BEAVERS not break trees," he says. This, for Hulk, is a fairly cogent statement. "Beavers bite trees, Hulk tell them stop. What blue boy want?"
Axiom lets out a little, quiet 'eep' wwhen the Hulk turns to him looking intimidating. He isn't looking for a fight either but he's also not so easily scared away. "B-but the beavers have to bite the trees," he replies. "They need t-t-to so they can build their homes and c-c-catch food," he tries to explain. "Oh um...I ...I'm Axiom. I heard some p-people saw you and w-w-wanted to come see if anything was going on."
Ah, somebody even less environmentally conscious than the Hulk! It is rare that Hulk gets to explain things to anybody -- that's Banner's job -- but Hulk finds himself relishing the idea. "No. No break trees. Terra say break trees is not en-rie-vo-mentary friendly, so beavers not break trees, or Hulk break beavers!" This seems to tickle Hulk as the wittiest thing he's ever heard, and slowly a broad grin forms on his broad face, yellow teeth exposed, and he chuckles, and then guffaws, and then practically collapses to the ground in mirth, chortling and belly-laughing at his own sheer sense of comic timing.
"You know Terra t-t-too?" Axiom's a little surprised by that. He didn't think many people knew the Hulk. "Beavers are a part of the environment though. Breaking them is b-bad," he tries. The sudden laughter just has Axiom looking pretty lost. He shifts awkwardly, watching the Hulk and not understanding why he's laughing really.
"Hulk... b-b-break.. b-b-bwahahaha!!!" The sound of Hulk's laughter can probably be heard as far away as New Jersey, and the way he pounds the ground with his fist in his good humor causes tremors that send the beavers scurrying from their dam. It takes him a few moments to calm himself and shift to a seated position from which he regards Axiom with confusion. "Beavers not environment. TREES environment. Terra say so."
Axiom just sighs as the laughter continues. He stumbles as the ground pounding causes tremors but manages to stay on his feet. When Hulk calms down, Axiom looks a but relieved. "They b-both are. Plants and animals are p-p-part of the enviroment, Hulk."
"Blue boy stutter," Hulk observes mildly as he watches the beavers make their escape. They'll be back, of course, but Hulk seems satisfied. "Now beavers not break trees anymore. Good beavers!" he yells, and the beavers flee even faster. Clearly the creatures are not so brave as Axiom.
That observation makes Axiom sigh again, shifting and looking a little embarrassed. "I know. I'm trying working on trying t-to stop," he says. It's a work in progress, really. He jumps when the beavers get yelled at and shakes his head.
"Blue boy talk to speech pathlologist," Hulk suggests. "Better for hero not stutter." He yawns, then, showing off his gigantic teeth once more. "Now Hulk go find place to sleep. Saved trees from beavers." He reaches out to pat a sapling. "Tree welc..." He stops himself as his pat causes the tree to sink halfway into the soft soil near the creek bank, glances left, right. Yanks the tree up until its roots are exposed and then carefully kicks dirt over them. Then looks back toward 'Blue boy' and raises one giant green finger to his lips. "This Hulk and blue boy secret."
"Speech pathlologist?" Axiom just stares at Hulk both because he has no idea what that is and never expected to hear anything like that from the Hulk. "I um...okay. I'll t-try to find one," he says. He really will despite sounding so awkward. He just ends up staring again at the improvised tree care, head tilted to the side. "Okay, Hulk. I w-won't tell anyone."
The head tilting is likely a good thing, as the tree is -also- tilted to the side. "Good blue boy," replies Hulk, flashing that broad yellow grin once more. He dusts off his hands. "Which way is... uh..." Hulk's brows furrow as he tries to remember where it was he was going to go. "Los... Antelopes?"
Axiom smiles a bit. A grin is a pretty good reaction as far as he's concerned. Anything that isn't getting smashed is good. "Los Antelopes?" he pauses, puzzling out what that might mean. After a moment or two he jumps. A quick glance up to check directions and he points to the west. "I think what you're looking f-for is that way b-b-but it's really far away."
Hulk nods sagely. "Hulk best at far away." He flexes his knees. "Remember, blue boy -- not break trees." With this last stated, he crouches, then launches himself into the air, his leap topping the buildings that surround the park and carrying him off and toward the west.
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