Mr. Jinks Gets a Bath

Downstairs, the pot in the fireplace was boiling rapidly. Namine immediately got up, changed back into her white lace dress and blue sandals, and ran down stairs to it. She removed the lid from the pot, stirred it up, and tasted it.
Meanwhile the seven cats were peeking from the top banister where Brain had stuck his head into a hole in it. They sniffed the air, breathed in deeply, sighed, and shouted, "Ahhhhh! Soup! Hurray!" Top Cat, Mr. Jinks, Spook, Benny, Fancy-Fancy, and Choo-Choo, who were not stupid enough to stick their heads through the banister, ran to the table, each one stepping on Brain's back. They were arguing over the food, each one wanting to be the first. "Wait for me! Duh, I'm coming too!" Brain tried to follow them, but his head was in the banister. "Ugh! I can't--I mean--" After several bumps, his head finally popped through, and he flew backwards into the wall. "Here I come!" Aching from the pain, he ran down the stairs, only to end up tumbling. He got up and quickly ran to the table and into his chair, but his chair fell backwards, and he went rolling out of it. He stood up in his chair and sat down to join the argument. Soon, all seven cats were fighting over bread rolls and knocking Brain out of his chair again. "Hey!" They were just about to bite into them when Namine stopped them.
"Ah, ah, ah! Just a minute!" Namine called to them. The cats stopped fighting and turned their heads to listen.
"Supper's not quite ready yet," said Namine. "You'll just have time to wash."
"Wash?" Top Cat, Spook, Benny, Fancy-Fancy, Choo-Choo, and Brain questioned in wonder.
"Ha! I knew there was a catch to it!" Mr. Jinks grumbled, throwing down his spoon and crossing his arms in defiance.
"Why wash?" asked Fancy-Fancy.
"Like, what for?" asked Spook.
"Duh, we're not going anywhere, are we?" asked Brain.
"It's not the New Year." said Top Cat, as Spook, Fancy-Fancy, Choo-Choo, and Brain shook their heads.
"Oh, perhaps you have washed." Namine smiled.
Top Cat pondered for a moment. "Perhaps we..." Then he remembered what Namine meant. "Yes, perhaps we have!"
"But when?" asked Namine, crossly putting her hands on her hips.
Top Cat kept waffling about when he and the other cats had already washed. "When? When? You said... Ah, last week, month, ye..., why, recently!" he finally said.
"Yes, recently!" said Spook, Benny, Fancy-Fancy, Choo-Choo, and Brain.
"Oh, really?" said Namine. "Let me see your hands."
Top Cat, Spook, Benny, Fancy-Fancy, Choo-Choo, and Brain placed their hands promptly behind their backs and backed up a bit. But Mr. Jinks crossed his arms defiantly.
"Let me see your hands!" demanded Namine.
Finally, Top Cat held out his filthy hands.
"Why, Top Cat! I'm surprised!" exclaimed a shocked Namine. Top Cat giggled bashfully and his hands once again.
Namine looked at Fancy-Fancy. "Come on. Let's see them." Fancy-Fancy held out his hands as well. "Oh, Simon, my, my, my..." The brown cat blushed and hid his hands again.
Then she looked at Choo-Choo. "And you?" Choo-Choo held out his hands, and Namine tsked at the sight.
Spook rubbed his hands on his legs and held them out for Namine to inspect. "Worse than I thought." Namine said sadly.
Brain held out his filthy hands. "Oops!" he said, as Namine laughed, making him drop to the floor.
Finally, Benny held out his hands. Namine gasped at the sight of his filthy hands. "Oh! How shocking!" Benny quickly hid his hands.
"Goodness me! This won't do at all!" said Namine.
Mr. Jinks looked at his hand and angrily shoved it back down.
"March straight outside and wash or you're not gonna get a bite to eat!" Namine ordered the cats.
Sadly, the cats, other than Mr. Jinks, looked at Top Cat, who nodded and led them outside the open door, whose doorknob was remarkably fixed!
Naturally, Brain was not looking where he was going and walked straight into the wall on the wrong side of the door, which is actually the closet for storing pots and pans. He ran out and around the door to the outside. "Duh, sorry about that!" he called.
"Humph!" said Mr. Jinks, as he glared at the wall again.
"Well, aren't you going to wash?" Namine asked the cat with the blue bowtie.
Mr. Jinks ignored her.
"What's the matter?" asked Namine, "Cat got your tongue?"
Mr. Jinks only turned to face Namine and stuck his tongue out at her. Then he stomped outside, only to bump into a wall, making her laugh.
"Awwww, did you hurt yourself?" Namine asked empathically.
"Humph!" Mr. Jinks pouted. And with that, he marched straight outside, slamming the door behind him. He sat on a barrel, grabbed a slice of buckwheat cake, and stuck it in his mouth. "Humph! Girls!"
"Courage, boys, courage," Top Cat told his friends. "Don't be nervous."
Mr. Jinks watched his friends approach an empty horse trough. They peered at the water nervously. Spook stuck a finger in the water and swirled it around. "Like, gosh!" he said, "It's wet!"
Choo-Choo stuck his finger in it, too. He quickly pulled it out, shivering. "Brrrrr!" he complained, "it's cold too!"
"We're not gonna do it, are we?" Fancy-Fancy asked nervously.
"Well," said Top Cat. "It would please the princess."
"Like, I'll take a chance on her!" Spook spoke up.
"Me too!" Benny, Fancy-Fancy, Choo-Choo, and Brain said in unison.
"Humph," Mr. Jinks said from on top of the barrel. "Her wiles are beginning to work! But I'm warning you, you give them an inch, they'll walk all over you!"
"Don't listen to that old warthog!" Top Cat said indignantly. Then he turned to face Spook, Benny, Fancy-Fancy, Choo-Choo, and Brain. "Come one now, boys!"
"How hard can you scrub?" Choo-Choo asked.
"Will our clothes shrink?" Benny asked.
"Do you, like, get in the tub?" Spook asked.
"Do you have to wash where it doesn't show?" Fancy-Fancy asked.
"Now, don't get excited," Top Cat told them. "Here we go!" Then he began to sing.
Top Cat: Step up to the tubOh! T'ain't no disgraceJust pull up your sleevesAnd pin them in placeThen, scoop up the waterAnd rub it on your faceAnd go,"Brrr!Brrr!Brrr!"
Spook, Benny, Fancy-Fancy, Choo-Choo, and Brain picked up five separate bars of soap and began working up a lather on their hands and faces.
Top Cat: Pick up the soapNow, don't try to bluffWork up a latherAnd when you got enoughGet your hands full of waterAnd you snortAnd you snuffAnd go,"Brrr!Brrr!Brrr!"
In the meantime, the fly that bothered Benny returned by buzzing around Benny's head. Then it landed on the soap and started scrubbing.
Top Cat: You douse and souseYou rub and scrubYou sputter and splashAll over the tubYou may be cold and wetWhen you're doneBut you gotta admitIt's good and clean funSo splash all you likeT'ain't any trickAs soon as you're throughYou'll feel mighty slick
Mr. Jinks: Bunch of old nanny goatsYou make me sickGoing,"Brrr!Brrr!Brrr!"
Mr. Jinks then spat at them.
Top Cat then took a scrubbing floor brush and scrubbed Spook's, Benny's, Fancy-Fancy's, and Choo-Choo's heads. He tried to scrub Brain's head, but he ducked several times, avoiding the brush. Top Cat got mad and knocked Brain into the trough with it.
"Brrr! Brrr! Brrr!" he shouted underwater, kicking his legs frantically, as Top Cat instead brushed his rear end with the brush.
Meanwhile, Mr. Jinks was still making fun of his friends. "Ha! Next thing you know, she'll be tying your fur up in pink ribbons and smelling you up with that stuff called perfume!" Then he spat out the chewed part of the buckwheat cake.
Meanwhile, the cats went back to washing. Spook shook like a dog to dry his fur and clothes and soaked Top Cat.
Brain hit himself in the head to get the water out of his ears. Then, he shook his head, only to cause the water to slosh around. Finally, he stuck his finger in his mouth and blew hard, making the water comes shooting out of his ears.
Choo-Choo couldn't see, so, he grabs the first thing he touched to dry his face off with. It happened to be the back of Benny's sweater. Fancy-Fancy couldn't see either and grabbed the front off Benny's sweater to dry off his face. This caused Benny to be lifted lift up off the ground. When Choo-Choo and Fancy-Fancy were done, they dropped the blue cat painfully on the ground.
"A fine bunch of waterlilies you turned out to be!" Mr. Jinks said, still sitting on top of the barrel. Top Cat glared at him. "I'd like to see anybody make me wash, if I didn't wanna!"
"Hey!" snapped Top Cat. But then he calmed down a bit, cleared his throat, and motioned his friends to come. They were all gathered in a football-esque huddle. Top Cat whispered and pointed to Mr. Jinks, who didn't seem to notice. Spook looked up and slightly laughed. Brain looked up, smiling at Mr. Jinks, but Choo-Choo reached up, grabbed his head, and dragged him back into the huddle.
Whistling, Top Cat, Spook, Benny, Fancy-Fancy, Brain, and Choo-Choo made their way to the barrel to surround Mr. Jinks, who noticed that it was late.
"Get him!" Top Cat cried.
Mr. Jinks tried to run away, but the others quickly grabbed onto his arms and legs. Now he was kicking and screaming while the other cats carried him to the trough, while taking off his bowtie. "Hey! Let go of me!" shouted the tall, orange cat.
"Get him over to the tub!" cried Top Cat, "Get him over to the tub!"
"Let me loose, you fools! Let me loose!" shouted Mr. Jinks (who was now naked).
"Get him up on the tub!" Top Cat continued crying, "Get him up! Hang onto him! Get him up on the tub! The tub, the tub! Don't get excited! Don't get--"
They managed to get him in, and, in the process, Brain fell off of Choo-Choo and rolled over with Top Cat. He landed with his arms around a dazed Top Cat's neck and looked up at him lovingly.
Top Cat pushed the orange cat with the purple T-shirt off of him. "Get the soap!" he commanded, as Brain nodded at Top Cat while going to get the soap. But he tripped, got up, and quickly ran past the soap. He stopped, went back, and got it, but it slipped out of his hands ten times.
"Oh! Steady, boys!" Top Cat said to those who were holding the tortured cat in the water.
The soap landed on Brain's head and bounced off. He snuck up on it and pounced on it. That only caused it to slip out of his hands, bounce off of Benny's rear end, and go down Brain's throat, nearly choking him, but it went straight down. "Duh, did we have to use real soap?" he asked, feeling sick. Luckily, Brain pretended not to notice the fact that he just swallowed an entire bar of soap and looked around for the missing soap. He couldn't find it of course. He hiccupped, and bubbles came out of his mouth. He kept looking around until he kept hiccupping bubbles again. He pat his stomach and felt the bar of soap. He kept hiccupping bubbles, feeling sicker and sicker.
During all of this, Top Cat, Spook, Benny, Fancy-Fancy, and Choo-Choo were scrubbing Mr. Jinks' face and laughing. Choo-Choo washed his fur while Benny and Fancy-Fancy held him down. Spook scrubbed his forehead while Top Cat scrubbed his teeth. Top Cat began singing again, and the other woodland animals joined in.
Top Cat: Now scrub good and hardIt can't be deniedBut he'll look mighty cuteAs soon as he's dried
Top Cat, Spook, Benny, Fancy-Fancy, and Choo-Choo: Well, it's good for the soulAnd it's good for the hideTo go--
Mr. Jinks: "Brrr!Brrr!Brrr!"
Brain was still hiccupping bubbles. He tried holding them in until he hiccupped so hard, sending his skyrocketing in the air. He hiccupped one last time, causing the last bubble to come out of his mouth and pop. "Whew!" sighed the short, orange cat, "I feel much better already."
By this time, Top Cat, Spook, Benny, Fancy-Fancy, and Choo-Choo were tying blue ribbons in Mr. Jinks' fur. "Ain't he sweet?" Top Cat smiled.
Choo-Choo sniffed the tall, orange cat. "Smells like a petunia." he said.
Spook placed a wreath of flowers on Mr. Jinks' head. "He sure is, like, cute." he said.
"You'll pay dearly for this!" Mr. Jinks snarled.
"Supper!" Namine called to the cats, banging the spoon against the cauldron.
"Supper!" Top Cat exclaimed happily.
"Food! Hurray!" Spook, Benny, Fancy-Fancy, Choo-Choo, and Brain cheered, as they ran back inside, dropping Mr. Jinks into the trough.
"Brrr! Brrr! Brrr!" Mr. Jinks screamed underwater. When he popped his head up out of the water, he sat up and pouted. "Humph!"
Category:Fan Fiction
Category:Snow White
Category:Snow White Fanmake
Category:Snow White Parodies
Category:Snow White spoofs