Winner Take All Round 2

The theme music for “meet The Press” plays as the camera comes in from the side, showing Tom Brokaw sitting behind his news desk, facing towards the cameras. The scene jumps to a frontal shot, and Tom Speaks.
Tom Brokaw: I would like to thank our earlier guests and their insights on what the economic slow down has had on the various facets of the American economy. While much of my fellow newsmen have covered extensively the effects that tighter credit and less spending have had on the retail sectors, one sector seems to have been less hit than others. That sector is the entertainment industry. Yet the entertainment industry is a comprised of varied mediums, and now, we would like to get a closer look at what some might call a niche, the combat sports sector. With me by satellite from Las Vegas, is the president of The Ultimate Fighting Championship, Dana White.
Camera cuts to Dana White, who is sitting in front of a UFC logo.
Dana White: Pleasure to be here Tom.
Tom Brokaw: We also have with us, via satellite as well, a representative of the Lords Of Pain Wrestling Federation, Wevv Mang. Mr. Mang, welcome.
The split screen shows Wevv sitting in front of an open window. The curtains flap in the background, giving glimpses of a deep blue ocean. Wevv has a shirt on, but the buttons are mismatched. Wevv’s eyes are beet red, and he has a cut on his cheek. Wevv was looking off camera at the time of the jump.
Wevv: Orange juice, lots of it, and some Advil. What? Eh? Oh, forgive me Tom, it’s a pleasure to be here.
Dana White snorts.
Tom: Glad you could make it Wevv. The economy is causing consumers to tighten their belts in these tough times, yet your respective organizations still seem to be turning a profit. Have either of you noticed a downturn in business?
Dana: No Tom, we’re not immune to the weakened economy. As people reduce their spending, they no longer have the money to purchase anything that catches their immediate attention. Instead, the consumer is forced to make a choice on what they want to spend their money on. Lucky for us, UFC still seems to be one of their first choices. We just had our 91st PPV, which featured Brock Lesnar versus UFC heavyweight champion Randy Couture. The numbers aren't fully in yet, but we are looking at roughly 700,000 buys.
Tom Brokaw: Now when you say “buys” what exactly does that mean?
Wevv: That’s the number of people who purchase the Pay Per View, based on North American cable systems reports. And I have to say, that is an impressive number, but then again, when you stack a card like that, it’s to be expected. But the reality is, you can't do that every PPV. Well, Maybe UFC can, since they only do monthly television, but the LPW, it’s more complex than that. We do a weekly, fully original television program, for two stations, for a grand total of 4 hours, every week. While the revenue stream for generating said content is a steady source of income, we also run the risk of burning out the audience. However, our fans seem to rabidly watch everything we give them and demand more. Hence our upcoming PPV, the second round of the Winner Take All Tournament.
Tom: Wevv, I’ve heard that LPW is having financial troubles. Is this true?
Wevv: Sadly it is Tom. But it’s not due to the popularity of LPW. It has more to due with the increased cost of doing business.
Dana: And shoddy management.
Wevv: Like I’m going to argue that point, HA HA! LPW has had it’s trouble, but with the new management in place, we have rectified that problem. No, our biggest concern now is trying to get corporate America to see what we, the LPW have to offer. I’m sure Dana has had the same problems.
Tom: Dana, would you agree with that statement.
Dana: Yes Tom. UFC is one of the fasting grow sports today, yet attracting sponsors is not that easy. Mainly due to the fact that we kept getting lumped in with wrestling.
Tom:  Wevv, can you explain why being associated with wrestling would be harmful?
Wevv: It’s not easy Tom. Wrestling has had some bad press lately, and there always seems to be controversy surrounding our sport (Dana snorts), yes Sport. Wrestling is a competition, a physical contest. But wrestling is not alone in generating controversy, as the recent allegations of steroid abuse have plagued the so-called national pastime of baseball, and football. Basketball has recently had it’s troubles too, with crooked referees changing the outcome of the games.  These sports have had their share of troubles too, with their players getting into off the field legal troubles as well. Jayson Williams, formerly of the New Jersey nets, shot and killed his limousine driver. Yet those actions haven’t deterred the sponsors for those sports from continuing to invest millions their businesses. While wrestling seems to be just plain ostracized, for both our on-screen and off-screen troubles.
Tom: What do you mean?
Wevv: I mean that LPW has had more than it’s fair share of controversial situations, born out of real life conflict, I should add, and while the resolution for these problems has always boiled down to one outcome, a fight, the general public always seems to hear about the matters behind the conflict and turned their back, so they never get to see the result.
Tom: But your company promotes the use of violence to settle personal matters?
Wevv: You’re not getting it Tom. Our company has a lot of very emotional, competitive people working for it, and these people have trained themselves to compete physically. While their personal business is their own, sometimes it leaks into the workplace. What LPW does, is give these individuals a means to settle their differences, in a safe environment. A wrestling ring. With referees, and medical personal standing by, and we also have the rest of the locker room to call upon to help out if things get out of hand. We look after our own, and help them work through their problems. Violence is not always the solution however, but when a release is needed, there is always the ring to settle matters.
Tom Brokaw: We’ll be right back.
Commercial Break
The commercial ends and footage of Brock Lesnar’s win at UFC 91 plays, and then fades into Tom Brokaw behind his desk.
Tom: We’re here with UFC President Dana White and LPW representative Wevv Mang, talking about the shifting economic climate and it’s effects on their respective industries. Dana, we shifted a little off topic in that last round of questioning, so let’s try to get back to the main issue. What challenges face your company in this economic environment?
Dana White: Well Tom, as I already explained, the challenging economic environment makes it essential to give the fans the best possible match up for each card we do, so that they feel they can’t miss it. But more than that, another challenge comes with the transition to HD. That’s a hefty expense, but one that is essential for our fans. Not every fan can make it to a live UFC event, so for those that watch from home, it’s our duty to make our program the best we can in terms of quality of broadcast. Nothing beats UFC live, but if you can't make it, you can watch the program from one of the best seats in the house. Your own.
Tom: Wevv, how has the changing technology of broadcasting affected your company?
The camera jumps to Wevv. Wevv is popping a couple of pills into his mouth as Tom asks the question and washing it down with orange juice. He finishes the glass and then looks up at the camera.
Wevv: Hm! Tom, you have to warn me when you cut to me. And for the record, those were Advil.
Wevv holds up a bottle of Advil. 
Wevv: Advil. The every pain reliever.
In the background, Wevv’s phone starts playing the ringtone of 50 Cent’s “I get Money”.
Wevv: Excuse me. Yes, the challenges of switching to HD are quite costly. As I constantly remind you, our show is live, every single week. We’re the highest rated cable show, with millions of loyal viewers. We made the transition earlier this year to HD, and while those expenses are just starting to show on our books, the comments from our fans have been overwhelmingly positive. Like UFC, our live events are unmatched, but since we travel such a great deal, we can't always make it to your hometown every week, or even every month. So, our fans rely on our television broadcasts to stay abreast of the weekly happenings. HD was essential, to give them the highest quality broadcast we can.
Tom: You mentioned traveling. With travel costs rising, how does that affect your company?
Wevv: A great deal Tom. When gasoline prices spiked last summer, our travel rates hit the roof. We haul a great deal of equipment, rings, lighting, and television equipment. All of that travels from town to town, and none of it is light. The costs were quite prohibitive. But instead of raising ticket prices, we ate the cost, as a gift to our loyal fans. Gas prices have come down, which is a blessing for our road crew, but we still have the higher airfare costs for our talent to work into our expenses. Contrary to belief, we do not all live in the same town. Our talent has to be flown in to the towns they will be performing at. But, we are hoping to offset those expenses by increasing revenue from alternative sources, like overseas markets, and web commerce. Also, we’re hoping that our new line of DVD’s that will be released for the holidays will be well received. The saving grace of LOW finances is that our company has diversified and branched out into other means of generating revenue. Some former CEO of LPW was a sheer genius when it came to ways to make a buck. I wish I could remember who that person was, so that I could thank him for his foresight…
Wevv looks up and off camera and rubs his chin.
Tom: Dana, Wevv mentioned travel to different markets. How often does UFC travel?
Dana: Actually we pretty much stick to our home base in Vegas, though we have gone to different countries on occasion.
Wevv: Right. Once in a blue moon, you might get a UFC show in your town.
Dana: Instead we focus on Pay Per View and giving our fans the most competitive matches we can.
Wevv: Except if they don’t involve a former professional wrestler, they all pretty much look the same.
Dana: At least our matches aren’t fixed!
Wevv: If they were fixed, I would be the World Heavyweight Champion, wouldn’t I? But I’m not. No, Tom, our matches are not fixed. They are straight up. With LPW, you get more than just big tattooed guys lying on top of each other. In LPW, you get a variety of fighting styles. From street fights to displays of technical expertise, to highflying death defying aerial assaults to down and dirty. LPW has it all. Like with the upcoming Winner Take All Tournament, which will be airing the same night as UFC 92. On this show, you will see 20 men enter a single ring, in a battle royal. Only one man will emerge as the winner. Taking is all. Nothing will be given. Each man is equal. From champions to rookies. All will have the same chance of winning. Well, allow me to correct myself. It will take more than sheer chutzpah to win. It will take cunning and strategy. So the safe bet would be on yours truly.
Tom: What can you expect to face in this battle royal?
Wevv: Well, Tom, I would have to say that I’m the biggest target in this match. While others may be more prominent shall we say, like Insanity Champion cYnical, and others may want to prove themselves, like Eddie B, there is really no doubt that this kind of match plays to my strengths. I’m known as something of a ring general, meaning that I use my head as well as my fists. Others will rely on camaraderie to carry them to the finals. Again, I have an edge there. See, there are no friends in a match like this. You can only rely on yourself. Something I am long accustomed to doing.
Dana: Hello? I’m still here. Can I talk about UFC 92? Forrest Griffin vs Rashad Evans? The return of Rampage Jackson?
Wevv: Will he be driving to the ring?
Tom: Just a moment. Mr. White, I want to hear more about this match Wevv will be taking part in. Who else will you be facing?
Wevv: Well, I suppose I can expect a challenge from Zuma. Hopefully, he’ll be coming in early and be gone by the time I get there. You see, I know when I will enter. I will enter the ring at #14, so the landscape could be clear of my toughest opponents by then, and I can just mop up, and then clear out whoever comes out later. But then again, I might be facing 13 men. The dynamics change depending on whose number is called before mine. I could have to face off again at least several men. I could be forced to eliminate foes like Styxx, LPW Hardcore Champion Hatchett, Millionaire Motor Mouth Cash Flo, or Spunky Sean Jensen, the Nightmare Incarnate Eric Scorpio, or as I said, LPW World Heavyweight Champion cYnical. I have to admit, I hope that Cynical comes out after me. I look forward to humiliating the man, and taking the so called gOd of LPW down a peg or two. I will say this though. While I have no fear of whom I may face in that ring, one man does give me pause. One Mr. N.P.D.
Tom: NPD? Who or what is an NPD?
Wevv: Good question Tom. Good question. I’m embarrassed to admit I have no ready answer. NPD is an enigma. He can seem sane and rational one moment, and completely demented the next. And I seem to have captured his attention. Lucky me. NPD, I know you’re watching this. You may think your cunning and devious ways will carry you to the finals in this match. I say think again. I am Wevv Mang. And I have a plan, a special plan, just for you. I can only imagine what dark and twisted thoughts are coursing through that thick skull of yours.  So while you plot some maniacal form of vengeance, I am plotting only one thing. Victory. At all costs. Winner will indeed take all. And that winner will be me.
Tom: Interesting. This NPD sounds like a dangerous fellow.
Wevv: You have no idea Tom. NPD has an agenda, and that is never a good thing in a battle royal. To some one like NPD, it means he doesn’t care about winning the match or the rules. It just means he wants to do what he wants to do, and the rules and winning be damned. He has his own set of victory conditions. And no one else can figure out what exactly they are. But I have no fear. Let NPD do his thing. I will be ready.
Dana: Ready like you were for today?
Tom: Is that how you got that cut under your eye?
Wevv: Errr. No. This (Wevv points to the cut) I got from an accident. Yes. I tripped over something in my bedroom, and er..fell. Yes. That’s it.
Dana: You mean you were hammered! Honestly Tom, wrestling isn't a sport, it’s a circus! UFC –
Wevv: Is boring! You pay how much and only get, what, thirty minutes of actual fighting? Listen Tom, one thing LPW fans can count on, is that they will get two solid hours of non-stop entertainment! Wrestling! Drama! Comedy! LPW has it all! And from the sound of things, I know you will be tuning in to see ME, your new favorite wrestler, defeat 19 other men to win the Battle Royal! Only on Pay Per View!
Tom: I will ! I Will! Well, this was certainly entertaining –
Wevv: You’re welcome Tom. It was my pleasure. Now, if you could only do this show later in the day next time..
Tom: HA Ha Ha! I would like to thank our guests, Dana White of UFC –
Dana: December 27th! Rampage Jackson! He’s back!
Tom: And the eloquent and certainly persuasive Wevv Mang!
Wevv: A pleasure Tom! And don't forget! December 27th! 20 Men! One Ring! One Winner! And that winner will be ME! Wevv Mang!
Tom: This is Tom Brokaw. Thank you for watching Meet The Press. Please join us again next week.
Thousand of Miles away, in Columbia.
Wevv heaves a huge sigh as he unclips the lapel mic from his shirt and hands over the battery pack and mic to Madison.
Wevv: How was I? The satellites rely worked didn’t it?
Madison: The boys said it worked perfectly.
Wevv: And?
Madison: You were great, as usual.
Wevv: Good, good.
Wevv gets up from his chair and stretches. He looks around the room, at the ruble and bullet riddled walls.
Wevv: None of that got on camera did it?
Madison: No sir.
Wevv: Good. Carlos! Have the riots died down yet?
A man in tactical fatigues, holding an assault rifle puts  hand up to the side of his helmet.
Carlos: No sir. The riots are still going strong. 
Wevv: Pity. They were a great diversion, but it’s time to be going. We’ll just have to fight our way through. Madison, Carlos, have the men load up the money and whatever else can be salvaged. We’ll have to examine those hard drives later. Gentlemen, and lady, let’s take our leave, shall we?
A group of soldiers snap into action, setting charges on the walls, while others quickly finish dismantling computers and loading them into cases. They move with precision and experience. Madison barks orders in Spanish, and then comes over to stand by Wevv. She reaches up and touches the cut on Wevv’s cheek.
Madison: You should have that taken care of.
Wevv: It’s fine.
Madison: It looks deep. Another inch and he could have taken your eye.
Wevv: I said it’s fine. I’ll have it looked at on the plane. Any word from Kenzo?
Madison stiffens, and turns away.
Madison: Nothing yet. But he’s probably on his way to the airport by now.
Wevv: Good. Oh, and Madison. Good work. Kenzo will be proud.
Madison just nods. And starts to move away.
Wevv: Madison. Next time we see Kenzo, tell him I said to tell you about Macau. And mention the fact that you only got me a scratch, and not shot.
Madison turns back, questions in her eyes and on the tip of her tongue. Wevv waves her to move on. She does so. But then turns back.
Madison: Aren’t you forgetting about the balloon party you’re supposed to be throwing for the MWA.
Wevv’s eyes narrow and his voice takes on a hard edge. He digs his phone out of his pocket and dials.
Wevv: Oh no. I haven't forgotten. I swear this whole company has lost it’s damn mind. Joe! Wevv Mang here! Listen, I have a favor to ask the toughest sheriff in the country!
A thousand miles away from Columbia…
A black, tricked out hummer drives up a long and twisting road. A sign says “MWA Super Secret headquarters! Just Ahead!” The windows are rolled down, and this song is playing - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThlhSnRk21E
The car stops in front of the building, amid a cloud of dust. The song cuts off, and a black man steps out of the H2. He checks the address, and shakes his head. He opens the back seat door and pulls out a boom box, and a handful of balloons. He swaggers towards the front door, shaking his head. With his free hand, he runs a hand across his bald head. He rings the doorbell.
Rato: WHO GOES THERE? WHAT’S THE PASSWORD?
Man: Look, dog, I was told to come here as part of my parole. Is there a Tom Bonerman here? I got some fucking balloons for him.
The door opens.
Daniel Oakley: Did you say balloons?
Man: Yeah, nigga, I was told there was some fuckin' kid’s birthday party I was supposed to play. Fucking Sheriff Joe. Let’s just do this motherfucker! Let me in!
Daniel: TBM! It’s another balloon party!
TBM: Another one!?! Today is the greatest day in Tromboner Man’s life! Let the balloon party begin!
Daniel: Come in! Come in! Are there more of you? Here, let me take the balloons!
TBM: Daniel! You will not touch the Tromboner Man’s Balloons! They are for HIM! Not Daniel Oakley!
Man: What the fuck? Shit. Let’s just do this, OK! You got a CD player? Nevermind. I brought my own.
The man sets down his boom box and hits play. A loud driving beat starts. The man starts yelling.
Man: DMX! DMX! YO! YO! Let’s get this party started, NIGGGGAAAAASSSS! - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3nJo2iw3cI
DMX: [DMX] 
Uhh.. UH! .. WHOO! 
Chorus: DMX 
DMX starts to rap.
TBM, Rato, and Daniel just stare as DMX raps away. Daniel then turns his head and starts crying. DMX doesn't care. He just keeps rapping. In fact, he steps towards TBM and starts rapping directly at him.
DMX: Off the chain I leave niggaz soft in the brain 
cause niggaz still want the fame, off the name 
First of all, you ain't rapped long enough 
to be fuckin with me and you, you ain't strong enough 
So whatever it is you puffin on that got you think that you Superman 
I got the Kryptonite, should I smack him with my dick and the mic? 
Y'all niggaz is characters, not even good actors 
What's gon' be the outcome? Hmm, let's add up all the factors 
You wack, you're twisted, your girl's a hoe 
You're broke, the kid ain't yours, and e'rybody know 
Your old man say you stupid, you be like, "So? 
I love my baby mother, I never let her go" 
I'm tired of weak ass niggaz whinin over puss 
that don't belong to them, fuck is wrong with them? 
They fuck it up for real niggaz like my mans and them 
who get it on on the strength of the hands with them, MAN 
The doorbell rings, and Rato quickly jumps up to answer it.
Rato: LOOK TBM! More party guests!
TBM looks up, as DMX is jamming away, lost in his own world. Rato stands, smiling in front of a group of men dressed in white and carry shotguns. And Balloons.
Man: Hey Y’all, we was told there was a rally being held here. We brung the balloons likes we was told to. Don’t reckon what fer, but we dun brung ‘em.
The man looks up and sees DMX at the same time as DMX sees them.
Man: Oh shit! It’s DMX!
DMX: OH SHIT! IT’S THE KLAN! ROUGH RIDERS! RALLY, YO!
DMX pulls out two guns and starts shooting. The Klan try to bring their shotguns to bear. Just then, a couple of fore runners crash through the plate glass windows. It’s the Ruff Ryderz. They start shooting with Uzi’s.
TBM, Rato, and Daniel take shelter, trapped in the middle, under a coffee table. Daniel is screaming at the top of his lungs. Rato is doing the same.
TBM: WORST BALLOON PARTY EVER! WORST BALLOON PARTY EVER!
WORST BALLOON PARTY EVER!
 Back in Columbia…
Wevv hangs up his phone.
Wevv: Party up you sons of bitches. Come on, let’s go. 
Wevv starts heading out of the building, with Madison by his side.
Wevv: How much did we get?
Madison: Quick count, 42 million.
Wevv: (smiling) You gotta love this economy and the golden rule. If you don’t have the gold, take it from some one who does and make up some new rules.
Wevv reaches the outside and steps into an armored transport. Before he does.
Wevv: Thank you Columbia! I shall perhaps visit your lovely country again some day.
As he sits down inside, with Madison beside him, he lights up a cigar.
Wevv: Just like old times.
Wevv starts to laugh, as the transport drives off.