B Negative Part 2/Transcript

This is the transcript for B Negative Part 2, which aired on March 4, 2021.
==Transcript==
1 Previously on B Positive I'm getting my kidney.
- What? - No way! Son of a bitch! Seriously? We're going to Iceland? Well, we can't go just yet, but we can still plan for it.
This is weirdly spontaneous for you.
Did your doctor give you new drugs? No, Maddie.
I'm just excited.
I mean, Game of Thrones was filmed there.
We can pretend we're White Walkers.
"Winter is coming.
King in the North!" [CHUCKLES.]
Jerry's gonna be okay, but his body rejected the kidney.
Yes, it is a terrible setback.
But it's how you deal with setbacks that define you as a person.
You're not gonna be alone, because you are stuck with each and every one of us.
Not only did you uplift Jerry's spirits - but I kind of - Oh, come on.
Do you really think I meant any of that? What? - - Okay.
I marked up the guidebook with all the highlights, and I went to the currency exchange and got you 10,000 krona.
- Whoa! - [CHUCKLES.]
: Yeah.
Try not to spend it all in one place.
Although, it would be pretty easy.
It's only about 60 bucks.
My friends don't need to know that.
Hey.
Okay, I'm here.
I am so sorry.
I couldn't find my passport, and the Uber was late, but you know what? Who cares? Because we are going to Iceland! Iceland, baby! Woot, woot! [CHUCKLES.]
Mom, we've talked about this.
No "woot, woot.
" Okay.
Uh, you two better get going.
You don't want to miss your flight.
To Iceland.
Woot, woot! [CHUCKLES.]
Hey, I paid for the tickets.
I can do whatever I want.
- Thank you so much for this.
- Of course.
Have fun.
- Oh, and, uh, here's her stuff.
- Oh, right.
- Yeah.
- Thanks.
Okay.
Oh, shoot.
Oh, wait! Ah.
Excuse me, uh, my daughter forgot her guidebook.
You can't go in without a boarding pass.
Yeah.
I-It'll just take a second.
Uh, Maddie! Maddie! I'm sorry, sir.
Okay.
Well, can you just go give this to her? No, I can't.
And you need to take a step back.
[GRUNTS.]
Well, I Okay, this is stupid.
I'm giving her the guidebook.
- Sir! Sir! Security! - All right? It's not Oh, my God! [GROANS.]
Maddie.
Your guidebook.
- The more you give - The more you give - The more you live - The more you live - Your happiness is relative - Happiness But if you're feeling like crap It's time to face the fact It's your prerogative Your prerogative To be positive - GINA: Drew? - Yeah.
What the hell, dude? I have been trying to call you.
Well, I got stun-gunned at the airport, and it short-circuited my phone.
Uh, I've been stun-gunned a lot.
That doesn't happen.
Huh.
Well, did your testicles ever shoot right back up into your body? I have been getting frantic calls from everyone at dialysis saying that you didn't show up.
Oh, come on, I missed one session.
Besides, maybe the stun gun jump-started my kidney and I'm fine now.
I mean, I did pee a little.
So, you did it? You really sent them to Iceland? Yeah.
Yeah, I didn't want my kid waiting for me to be healthy enough to go because, you know, I might never be.
Stop saying that.
You're gonna be totally fine after the transplant.
Jerry waited seven years in dialysis only to have a kidney that didn't work.
Well, mine is super high-quality.
I've been living clean, eating healthy.
This is, like, grass-fed, free-range kidney.
You don't get it.
I You could give me the healthiest kidney in the world, and it still might not work.
Don't you listen to him.
[SIGHS.]
It's all I think about.
It affects every decision I make.
- It-it rules my life.
- Hey, I am sorry about that, but you cannot skip dialysis.
It's not optional.
This isn't taxes or car insurance.
Actually, Gina, I can do whatever I want.
I've been playing by the rules my whole life, and look what it's gotten me.
Huh? 20,000 volts straight to the ribs and recovering in an airport Cinnabon.
Well, I never play by the rules, and all it's gotten me is banned from Costco.
You have this lovely house and a successful career - and a beautiful daughter.
- [EXHALES.]
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what? I-I'm not really in the mood for your positive, upbeat cheerleader routine.
What's that supposed to mean? "I'm Gina.
I'm never down.
"I fart rainbows all over town.
"Ooh! And one for you.
" Believe me, if I could fart rainbows, I totally would.
Hey, I'm just trying to get you out of this funk.
Yeah, well, I like my funk.
I want to be in my funk.
Right now, I'm gonna take my funk upstairs to bed.
It's 10:00 a.
m.
My funk doesn't give a funk.
[WINE POURING.]
[SIGHS.]
Well, nobody's here.
I told you we shouldn't have scheduled this art class up against Wii bowling.
What we are lacking in quantity, we're making up in quality.
Oh, very nice, Mrs.
Kaplan.
[CHUCKLES.]
You gave Norma a thought bubble.
How creative.
"Do you like my cheap wig?" It's my real hair, Gail.
Want to pull it? Your husband liked pulling it.
Ladies, ladies! Uh, let's not give Mr.
Knudsen any ideas.
- You texting Drew again? - [SIGHS.]
Yeah.
He's in a really dark place.
I wish I could get him to see that he's overreacting.
Have him come here.
On my floor alone, we got a blind guy, a guy with a bad ticker and a guy with the big "C.
" And it's all the same guy.
The point is we all have our crap.
But do you see us moaning and whining? No.
We get up every day and find a way to face life's challenges.
My way is booze.
Fill me up.
I wish I could just snap him out of it.
Get him a hobby.
Why do you think they give us all these activities? So we forget the angel of death is lonely and looking.
Maybe it would help if he had something to distract him.
KNUDSEN: Done.
Ooh.
Uh Mm, we talked about this, Mr.
Knudsen.
[CHUCKLES.]
Am I naked again? Yep.
Nice rack.
Hello? Hey.
You know, your beer's actually pretty good.
At first, it kind of tastes like the scummy water at the bottom of a garbage bag, but after a few, it is Rocky Mountain smooth.
There you go.
Oh.
- What are you doing? - Clink.
- Cannoli! No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- Oh, what, what, what, what? - Okay.
- I don't want to drink alone.
All right.
Uh, enough of this.
This isn't you.
You do not sit in the dark and drink.
That's my mom.
You know what? If you really want to help me, you can give me something that will make me forget everything that's going on.
Mm, like what? Like, uh D-R-U-G-Z.
Drugs.
I thought this was a drug-free house.
Or, at least, that's what the sign - you put up in my room says.
- Yeah, well, I don't see that sign around here.
So come on.
I know you got something.
I mean, anything psychedelic? Give me what the Beatles took.
I don't have anything like that.
Let's watch a movie.
Come on.
Gina.
I'm trying to party.
I want to get lit.
Okay, fine.
Yes! That's what I'm talking about.
All right.
First one's free.
[CHUCKLES.]
: Sorry.
Force of habit.
Here we go.
Gonna be trippin'.
[CHUCKLES.]
Ooh.
Um, can I take this on an empty stomach? I didn't have lunch earlier.
- It's fine.
- Okay.
Also, I had a Nexium.
- Is that gonna be a lethal mix? - Take the pill.
Okay.
Uh, don't let me stare at the sun.
- Take the damn pill! - Got it.
Here we go.
Ob-la-di, ob-la-da.
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants Absorbent and yellow and porous is he SpongeBob SquarePants If nautical nonsense be something Whoa.
Wait, wait.
Stop.
Wait, hold on.
Stop it.
I just realized: he's absorbent because he's a sponge.
What about his name? Sponge [CHUCKLES.]
: Oh, my God.
Yes! Oh, you sneaky, yellow son of a bitch.
[LAUGHS.]
I need water.
No, I need all the water.
Oh.
Oh, oh, oh! No, no, no, no, no, no.
Don't worry.
- I will get you some.
- Oh.
Yes, yes.
Why am I so thirsty? I mean, we live in a pineapple under the sea.
You know, this reminds me of this time when I was tripping on mushrooms at a Mexican restaurant.
[CHUCKLES.]
I went to the bathroom, but it turns out that it was the synagogue next door.
And the next thing I know, I'm dancing with the bar mitzvah boy and wondering where the hell my tacos are.
Hava nagila, seÃ±or.
Drew? Drew! Drew?! [GASPS.]
Oh, boy.
[GRUNTS.]
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBo Oh, wow.
Look who it is.
What are you doing out here so late, young man? Oh, wow.
That's a hell of a beard for such a small child.
Let's go find your parents.
I understand you wait 24 hours before looking for a missing person, but my friend is in renal failure and he could die.
Okay.
Thank you.
They said they'll send a cop in, like, three hours.
Three hours? This isn't a Black neighborhood.
I can't believe it's gonna take that long for the cops to come when a man could be dying.
I set up one vodka lemonade stand, and they're like, "Where is your liquor license?" Don't worry.
We're gonna find him.
- I've seen this before.
- Seriously? People go through so much to get that donor, they don't even think about the possibility of the transplant not working.
So when they see that happen, it can really mess them up.
[KNOCKING.]
- Is he back yet? - Nope.
Was that Aw.
My bad.
I really appreciate you guys coming over to help me.
I've seen him run.
He can't be too far.
Where should we start looking? Uh, probably where I found his cardigan.
We can start there and then each take a different direction.
- Are we sure that's his? - The pocket had his ChapStick and his backup ChapStick, so yeah.
[PANTS.]
[GROANS.]
I can't go on any farther.
Or is it "further"? You're not one of those grammar gnomes, are you, Doug? [GROANS.]
I don't feel so good.
All right.
Here.
You should go.
Go on.
Well, go on! Get out of here! I said go! [GROANS.]
[PANTING.]
God what are you doing to me? Are you just toying with me? Because this isn't a game I want to play.
Don't give me hope, only to take it away like you did with Jerry.
If you're gonna take me, just do it.
Strike me down already.
WOMAN: Can you read? It says "Please do not disturb occupants.
" God? Candy Jane Carter, number one realtor in Fairfield County.
And, sweetie, you're killing my curb appeal.
Oh, great.
My sign from God is literally a sign.
Very creative.
Oh, stop whining.
[NEW YORK ACCENT.]
: Hey, Candy Jane.
Shut it! Uh I'm allowed to whine.
I have to spend the rest of my life chained to a dialysis machine.
Oh, you think you're the only one who's got it tough? Try selling this overpriced piece of crap.
But here I am, still trying.
Well, I'm sick of trying.
I just want to live or die on my own terms.
Blah, blah, blah.
You're just being a coward.
Excuse me? Ooh, throw me at her.
Pointy hat first.
Take it easy, Doug.
You act like you're making a big stand, when, really, you're just giving up.
You have a lot to live for.
Show some gratitude, you big baby.
You look nice in your picture, but you are not nice.
Nice doesn't sell houses, bucko.
Bite my ass.
Douglas.
Language.
[SIGHS.]
What if my transplant doesn't work? It might not.
There's no guarantees.
Now stop feeling sorry for yourself, slap on some ChapStick and appreciate what you've got.
[EXHALES.]
Yeah.
[INHALES.]
My ChapStick.
My backup ChapStick.
Oh, the wheels are off the cart now, baby.
What are you still doing here, Doug? I said get out of here! Scram! [EXHALES.]
I'm sorry, Doug.
I can't stay mad at you.
[EXHALES.]
Just lay here, Doug.
Just lay here.
Drew! Drew?! [GROANS.]
Why can't we find him? This should be easy.
He dresses like Waldo.
Kind of looks like him, too.
Don't worry.
We're gonna find him.
Yeah? You know, before I started dialysis, one of my teammates had agreed to give me his kidney.
The night before the surgery, he got cold feet.
That is awful.
Why did he bail? Said he couldn't risk his own football career.
And, hey, I get it.
But it really messed me up.
I'm so sorry.
I wanted to give up, but my mom and my brother, they wouldn't let me.
They kept calling, texting and knocking on my door.
And, hey, that's what we're gonna do for Drew.
You're a really good friend.
Drew's lucky he has you.
He'd do the same for me.
But, hey, if he is dead, what better way to honor him than giving me your kidney? [LAUGHS.]
Only if you give me that sweatsuit in my size.
Wait.
- Is that - Drew! - Drew! Hey! - Drew.
- Hey.
Get up.
- Drew.
Get up.
Drew! Oh, my God.
[GROANS SOFTLY.]
Where am I? In the hospital.
How you feeling, buddy? [EXHALES.]
How'd I get here? We found you passed out on somebody's lawn.
There's security footage of you attempting to breastfeed a garden gnome.
[GROANS.]
I was hallucinating.
I mean, that drug was intense.
- What was it? - It was Tylenol.
What? In my defense, I'm sure the Beatles took that, too.
I wasn't gonna give you real drugs.
Well, then why was I all confused and hallucinating? Those are symptoms of uremia.
Which happens when you skip dialysis.
Which happens when you don't listen to Gideon.
I know you're upset about Jerry, but what you did was a dumb-ass move.
Jerry hit us all pretty hard.
I mean, none of us breastfed a garden gnome, but everybody processes differently.
Come on.
Drew's got to get some rest.
We'll see you soon.
All right, buddy.
Hey, before we go, we should run upstairs and see Jerry.
Ooh.
Good idea.
'Cause I am not coming back - and paying for parking again.
- Oh, next time I almost die, I'll find a hospital that validates.
[TAKES DEEP BREATH.]
You doing all right? Yeah.
Tired but okay.
You keep going to your dialysis.
I know.
I won't make that mistake again.
- I will keep fighting the good fight.
- Good.
'Cause - I'm not giving up on you.
- Mm.
You just want to stay at my house rent-free.
I got your rent right here, buddy.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
Um I have a really important question.
[EXHALES.]
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants.
Never forget that.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
And this is Maddie and her mom swimming in the Blue Lagoon.
Whoa, that's your ex? Respect, man.
She is really cute.
Did you have money at one point? Okay.
You know what? Some people would say she was lucky to have me.
Okay, no one has yet, but that doesn't mean it's not true.
The point is, my daughter is having a great time.
And, one day, she and I will travel together.
Look who's planning for the future.
Good for you.
And while you two are gone, if your ex needs company The less you know the better.
Hello! - Jerry! - There he is! I didn't think you'd need a cane.
Oh, I don't.
Uh, chicks dig the distinguished look.
[GROANING.]
Don't.
Just let him have this.
[GROANING CONTINUES.]
Yes.
[STAMMERS.]
Very sexy.
Is it tough being back? Yeah.
But at least I get to go through it with you guys.
Well, that is surprisingly positive.
Maybe he's hopped-up on Tylenol.
[LAUGHTER.]
Yeah.
Sorry I missed all that.
I heard you had quite the evening.
SAMANTHA: Glad you said that, Jerry.
We didn't want you to miss out on all the fun, so we got you a little welcome back present.
What Uh, what's happening? We got video footage of your little night out from your neighbor's security cam.
And we cut together a highlights reel featuring "Walking on Sunshine" by Katrina and the Waves.
["WALKING ON SUNSHINE" PLAYING.]
Yeah I'm walking on sunshine Whoa I'm walking on sunshine Whoa I'm walking on sunshine Whoa And don't it feel good? Hey, all right now And don't it feel good? I say it, I say it, I say it again And don't it feel good? Thank you for giving me a reason to live.
[LAUGHTER.]
and TOYOTA.
Captioned by Media Access
Category:Episode Transcripts
Category:Season 1 Transcripts