Invader Zim Vs. Cryptosporidium

<tabber>Original =thumb|center|600px
Invader Zim Vs. Cryptosporidium is the fifteenth installment of Moleman's Epic Rap Battles. It features Zim of Invader Zim cult fame (with minor assistance with his robot GIR)against Cryptosporidium from Destroy All Humans in a battle of alien invaders. It was released December 4, 2013.
==Cast==
Molemanninethousand as Zim and GIR (cameo)
David Ohlsen as Cryptosporidium
==Lyrics==
=== Cryptosporidium: ===
Fasten your squeedlyspooch, lest I blast it out your gut;
They call me Crypto, but I ain't no super–mutt!
I'm a furious Furon, zapping this irksome Irken,
Whose rhymes are like his disguises – paper thin.
You barely pass for a schoolboy; I'm the goddamn President!
I'm the superior invader–infiltrator; don't question it!
It's literally funny, how you pose such little threat!
You're a defective reject who can't even get wet,
And when even simple rainfall is enough to make you squirm,
You have no chance to survive my meteor storm.
I'll verbally dissect you; with the full wise–crack gamut;
Forget Foodcourtia; you belong at Pizza Planet.
I harvest thousands of brains; you steal your classmates' spleens.
Call this land development, because the grey's destroying the green!
I'm Arkvoodle's chosen, and you'll soon regret fighting me
When I give your ass a probing of the jumbo variety
===Zim:===
LIES, all LIES, you filthy, LYING hack!
You're a bigger LIAR than the guys from Mars Attacks! (GIR: Ack ack ack ack!)
Like radioactive pants, invader blood runs through my veins;
You're a drunken mooch who can't live up to his game's name,
But lives up to his name, spewing verbal diarrhea!
A clone's clone's clone with nonexistent genitalia!
My tech has madman style, with a hint of cyberpunk.
Yours is all derived from cliched B–movie junk!
Lay a finger on me, and I'll sic my lawn gnomes on you;
Send a pig back in time, and clog the tube that spawned you!
Path of the Furon? Try "Path to your DOOM"! (GIR: DOOM!)
I'll use your own Black Hole Gun to send you to the moose room.(GIR: Moosey fate!)
You're just as dumb as the beast in that dimension,
And Destroying All Humans isn't even your intention,
While extermination truly is my mission's ambition!
If you're named for parasites, they should've called you "Head Pigeons".
===Crypto:===
Dude, you sound like Pox if someone took out his brain
And replaced it with one made out of solid cocaine!
Though it's true that your goals are closer to genocidal,
While I treat humans more like cattle, contrary to my title,
The thing is: My havoc–wreaking skills are more than proficient,
While you suck utter monkey balls at your mission!
Hypocrite! What does YOUR body count amount to?
You couldn't carry out a slaughter even if Nick allowed you!
I'll thwart your "Cloning Bay of Pigs" attack like a space–Castro;
Blast your PAK clean off your back with my little friend Gastro.
I'm a living Pandemic, crushed Majestic, I'm sadistic!
You're a failure of eugenics, pathetic and beyond misfit!
===Zim:===
YOU FOOL! Don't question my hardcore blackheartedness;
I called Dibs on my victory before we even started this,
Because I AM ZIM! I'm evil to the brim;
I do whatever I want, when I want and on a whim!
Like one of your Burrow Beasts, I'm audacious and voracious;
Your LIES don't discourage me, 'cause I'm downright tenacious.
Your nightmare has begun, and my plan is underway
To make this battle bloodier than GIR on a bad day!
I'll see your Psychokinesis that reads people's thoughts,
And raise you the voice of Tim Schafer's Psychonauts!
You may be a one–man army, but that doesn't deter me;
I've gone toe–to–toe with R. Lee Ermey! (GIR: And won, too!)
The gloves come off now; Nick can no longer stop me
From going outright homicidal like my name was Johnny,
Cutting all the crap and sending you straight to your tomb!
I'm serving up some DEATH, so enjoy your DOOM!!! (GIR: Yay, you're doomed!)
(Zim pulls out a decidedly human–made firearm and shoots Cryptosporidium–137 dead at point–blank range. The Furon then immediately reappears, fully alive and intact as Cryptosporidium–138.)
===Crypto:===
Don't be petty, now; you knew that wouldn't kill me.
The only difference now is that I'm packing Big Willy,
And I'm not talking about our fast–food mecha–mascot,
Though I've brought that along, too, to crush your retard robot,
Whose head is almost as empty as the claims in your lines!
I've seen more competent invasion tactics in Signs.
I plow through whole armies, fight giant robot–squids;
You can't even get rid of one single snooping kid!
You're a fraud and a joke, just like the Master.
The greatest enemy you ever battled was a hamster!
I'm painting you a picture of your own deconstruction;
Halting your antics faster than your series' production!
===Zim:===
Oh, please; You've gone native, you're a filthy xenophile!
No wonder you'e hated even by your own bastard child.
I'm Psychopathic like ICP; Nick couldn't handle me,
And I don't give a flying poop taco that they cancelled me,
Because like Santa, I live on in people's minds and hearts,
As well as up in space, AND on DeviantArt!
And even now, a decade later, I'm still a Hot Topic!
Your legacy's like your Shrink Ray victims: microscopic.
===Outro:===
(Usual ending announcement)
GIR: I love this show!
==Poll==
<poll>
Who won?
Cryptosporidium
Zim
</poll>
==Trivia==
*The second battle to feature extraterrestrials from settings where Earth exists and is visited by them (as opposed to non-Earth-dwellers from fantasy settings distinct from any version of our Earth-centric world), after Poison Ivy Vs. Audrey II. The third would be Captain Price Vs. Commander Shepard.
** However, this is the only one of the mentioned where both teams are non-terrestrial
*The ending of Avatar Aang Vs. Ben Tennyson shows a UFO, with the Announcer whispering "Oooohh, foreshadowing!" However, as that video ended up not being released until after this one, this became irrelevant.
|-|Remaster = thumb|center|600 px
Invader Zim vs. Cryptosporidium (REMASTERED) is a remaster of the fifteenth installment of Moleman's Epic Rap Battles. It was released on July 18, 2018.
==Cast==
David Ohlsen as Cryptosporidium
Molemanninethousand as Zim
Henry Navarro as GIR (cameo)
==Lyrics==
===Cryptosporidium:===
Fasten your squeedlyspooch, lest I blast that sucker out your gut;
They call me Crypto, although you should know: I ain't no super-mutt!
No, I'm a Furon, in a fury as I zap this irksome Irken,
Whose lyrics are like his incognito getups: paper thin.
You barely pass for a schoolboy, while I'm the goddamn U.S. President:
The far-greater invader and infiltrator; don't question it!
It's literally funny, how you pose such little threat;
You're a defective, wretched, reject, good as wrecked just when you get wet,
And when even simple rainfall is enough to make you squirm,
You've no chance to survive when I bring forth a full meteor storm!
I'm here to verbally dissect you, with the full wise-cracking gamut,
So forget Foodcourtia; your ass belongs at Pizza Planet!
While I harvest scores of brains, you steal your classmates' stupid spleens.
Call this some land development, because the grey's destroying the green!
I'm Arkvoodle's divinely-chosen, and you'll shortly regret fighting me,
Once I give you a probing of the jumbo-sized variety!
===Zim:===
Lies; all lies, you filthy, lying hack:
You're a bigger liar than the guys from Mars Attacks! (GIR: Ack ack ack ack!)
Like radioactive pants, invader's blood runs through my veins;
You're just a drunken, pervy mooch who can't live up to his game's name,
But sure lives up to own name, with flows of verbal diarrhea!
You're a clone of a clone's clone with nonexistent genitalia!
My tech oozes madman style, with a hint of cyberpunk,
While all of yours is just derived from old, cliched B-movie junk!
Lay a finger on me, and I'll sic my lawn gnomes on you,
Send a piggy back through time, and clog the tube that spawned you!
"Path of the Furon"? Try "Path to your Doom"! (GIR: Doomy-doom!)
I'll take that Black Hole Gun of yours and send you to the moose room… (GIR: Moosey fate!)
Because you're dumber than the beast in that dimension;
Not to mention: to Destroy All Humans isn't your intention,
While extermination truly is my mission's ambition!
If you're named for parasites, they should've called you "Head Pigeons".
===Crypto:===
Dude, you sound like Pox if somebody up and took out his brain
Before replacing it with one made out of solid crack cocaine!
Although it's true that your goals, in theory, are straight-up genocidal,
While I treat humans more like cattle, contrary to my title,
The thing is: my havoc-wreaking skills are well-beyond proficient,
While you suck complete and utter monkey balls at your whole mission,
Hypocrite! Remind me what your so-called body count amounts to;
You couldn't carry out a slaughter even if Nick would allow you!
Watch me thwart your "Cloning Bay of Pigs" attack like space-Castro;
Blast your wack PAK clean off your back with my little buddy Gastro.
I'm the living Pandemic who crushed Majestic; I'm sadistic!
You're a failure of eugenics; pathetic, and beyond misfit!
===Zim:===
You fool! How dare you question my hardcore blackheartedness;
I called Dibs on victory before we even started this,
Because, simply put, I am Zim! I'm evil to the very brim;
I do whatever I want, whenever I want and on a whim!
Like one of those Burrow Beasts of yours, I'm audacious and voracious;
You'll find your lies won't discourage me, for I'm downright tenacious!
Now, your nightmare has begun; my endgame plan is underway
To make this confrontation bloodier than GIR on a bad day!
As for that Psychokinesis you use to read your victims' thoughts,
I'll see it, and raise you the voice behind Tim Schafer's Psychonauts!
Though you may be a one-man army, don't expect that to deter me;
Know that I've gone toe-to-toe with R. Lee Ermey! (GIR: And won, too!)
The kiddie gloves come off right now, and Nick can no longer stop me
From going outright homicidal on you like my name was Johnny,
Cutting all the crap and sending you straight down into your tomb;
Indeed, I'm serving up some death, and so: enjoy your final doom!
GIR: Yay, you're doomed!
(*GUNSHOT*)
===Crypto:===
Don't be petty, now; you know that no mere death can kill me.
The only difference this makes is that now I'm packing Big Willy,
And I'm not talking about any fast-food mecha-mascot,
Though I've brought one of those along here, too, to crush your retard robot,
Whose head's still not quite as empty as the claims in all your lines!
I've seen more competent invasion strategies showcased in Signs.
I plow through whole entire armies and fight giant robot-squids,
While your dumb ass can't even get rid of one single snooping kid!
You're nothing but a joke; a phony, faking fraud just like the Master.
Man, the greatest enemy you ever battled was a hamster!
I'm painting a far-from-pretty picture of your deconstruction
As I halt your antics more abruptly than your show's production!
===Zim:===
Oh, get real, now; you've gone native: you're a filthy xenophile!
It's no wonder you'e hated even by your own bastard child.
I'm Psychopathic like ICP; the network couldn't handle me,
And I don't give a single flying poop taco that they cancelled me,
Because like Santa, I live on in people's minds and hearts,
As well as up in space, in comic books, and on DeviantArt,
And even now, more than a decade later, I'm still a Hot Topic!
Your legacy's like the victims of your Shrink Ray: microscopic.
===Outro:===
(Usual ending announcement)
GIR: I love this show!
==Poll==
<poll>
Who won the remaster?
Cryptosporidium
Zim
</poll>
Category:Moleman's Epic Rap Battles
Category:Season 1
Category:Molemanninethousand
Category:David Ohlsen
Category:Henry Navarro