NATO

NATO is the ninth episode of season six, and the sixty-seventh episode overall, of No Malarkey in Bikini Bottom. It premiered on April 5, 2022. 
==Plot==
Mr. Biden, Mr. Obama, and Mr. G head to the NATO summit in England to lobby support for the Leader Plankton War. 
== Story ==
[The episode opens at the Oval Office.]
Mr. Biden: So, Kelpy, what’s the status of the Leader Plankton War?
Mr. G: I’m afraid we’re losing. Massively.
Mr. Biden: And why is that? Is it because I have a Secretary of Defence that’s lazy as fuck?
Mr. G: Possibly because Leader Plankton all our tactics, after arming and training his regime right until you demanded the Universe Traveller. Also, you have the audacity to call anyone else lazy?! You’ve been laying on the couch covered in a blanket all day!
Mr. Biden: [throws away his blanket, revealing him in nothing cum-stained boxers] Listen here, Jack, today I was stimulating myself to Mrs. Pineapple for three hours straight! What have you done?
Mr. G: I’m persuading our NATO allies to join our side in the war. British Prime Minister Boris Johnson said he’ll hold an emergency meeting about it later today, so I need you to get out of the couch!
Mr. Biden: Okay, but first I’m going to jack off to her one more time.
Mr. G: But—
Mr. Biden: NO BUTS! If I’m going to persuade NATO leaders, I need to be on my A-game, and I can only be on my A-game if I’m sexually satisfied. [starts jacking off]
Mr. G: Make it quick.
[Three hours later.]
Mr. G: That’s enough!
Mr. Biden: [continues to jack off] No it isn’t!
Mr. G: Days like this make me wish I remained a musician…
Mr. Banana: Nope.
Mr. G: I thought you no longer hated music!
Mr. Banana: Music is classified as a Threat Level 5.
Mr. G: Threat Level 5?
Mr. Banana: Indeed. Here’s the LEGEND: Threat Level 1 - Enemy of the People/Enemy of Humanity/Enemy of the Populace, Threat Level 2 - Enemy of the citizenry/Enemy of peace and unity/Enemy of the generation, Threat Level 3 - Enemy of Productivity, and Threat Level 4 - Enemy of the environment/Enemy of the Future.
Mr. G: You didn’t mention Threat Level—
Mr. Banana: Five - minor threat, of which music is included.
Mr. Obama: Trust me, Mr. G, being a war criminal is far more rewarding.
Mr G: You know what, just help me drag him.
[Mr. G, Mr. Obama, and Mr. Banana drag Mr. Biden onboard Air Force One and fly to London, England. Mr. Biden jacks off the whole time.]
[Cut to a Convention Center where the emergency meeting is being held.]
Mr. Banana: Look, it’s the NATO leaders!
[Canadian Prime Minister Mr. Trudeau and French President Mr. Macron walk in.]
Mr. Trudeau & Mr. Macron: Greetings, President Biden!
Mr. Biden: [continues to jack off] Quiet, Jacks, I’m trying to greet my sperm cells! Oh, if only Mrs. Pineapple could greet them...
Mr. G: THAT’S ENOUGH! [yanks and breaks Mr. Biden’s arms] Greetings, Honorable Gentlemen. Now, shall we start the summit?
Mr. Biden: Someone seems to be missing! Wait...I know! Donald Trump!
[Cut to Mr. Johnson’s limo, which is being blocked by anti-war protestors led by Mr. Corbyn and Mr. Tentacles.]
Mr. Sunak: What should we do? Call the police so they could open fire?
Mr. Johnson: Hmm...I have a better idea!
[Mr. Johnson exits the limo and offers the protestors cups of hot coffee.]
Mr. Corbyn: Going to aid another illegal war, are you, Boris?
Mr. Johnson: Good sirs, I am begging you to consume this coffee, you must’ve been out here for so long! I feel so terrible about it!
Mr. Tentacles: You should feel terrible about your thirst for crimes against humanity! We’re staying here forever if we have to!
Mr. Johnson: Then I guess I have no choice… [quickly throws the hot coffee on Mr. Corbyn and Mr. Tentacles before getting back into the limo, which mows through the rest of the protestors]
Mr. Corbyn: [wipes the coffee off his face] It appears this crowd wasn’t big enough. If we want to win, we have to assemble an anti-war movement of monumental strength!
[Mr. Johnson walks in.]
Mr. Biden: What’s up, Donald? Long time no see! [high-fives Mr. Johnson with his cum-stained hand]
Mr. Johnson: [sniffs his hand] Oh dear. [takes out some tea and rinses his hand with it] Sorry I’m late, chaps, let’s begin the meeting!
Mr. Obama: Gentlemen, we’ve gone through thick and thin together. Emmanuel, remember how I endorsed you in 2017, saying you “don’t appeal to people’s fears”, even though you’re currently waging a fearmongering campaign against Muslims. I’d appreciate it if you repay the favor.
Mr. Macron: Oui-oui, I will repay!
Mr. Obama: What about you, Justin? We worked side by side on building the Keystone pipeline and arming Saudi Arabia.
Mr. Trudeau: Normally I’d be on Bikini Bottom’s side, but Biden cancelled the Keystone pipeline. Why should I back him on this?
Mr. Obama: Uh, I’m sure we can find some sort of compromise—
Mr. G: [grabs Mr. Trudeau by his shirt] Listen here, Justin, without the protection of the military I run, your uninhabited-ass country will be nothing. Perhaps I should withdraw my troops and let the Philippines destroy you after you illegally dumped garbage on their shores.
Mr. Trudeau: Oh please no, I was just playing around! Yes-yes, President Biden, Canada will fully assist you in taking down Leader Plankton!
Mr. G: Now that’s more like it! Boris?
Mr. Johnson: I guess so. 
Mr. G: Then let’s do it! With Bikini Bottom, the Bikini Kingdom, and Canada all fighting against Leader Plankton, there’s no way we can lose! 
[One month later] 
Mr. G: I can’t believe we’re losing!
Mr. Biden: Well, Jack, there's only one thing to do now. 
Mr. G: What?
Mr. Biden: Jack off to Mrs. Pineapple!
[Mr. Biden takes out a bottle of lotion and a picture of Mrs. Pineapple and exits the room, as the episode ends.]
Category:No Malarkey in Bikini Bottom