Failing Up With Jar Jar Binks

"Failing Up With Jar Jar Binks" was a comic appearing in Star Wars Tales 20.
==Plot summary==
The story begins with Jar Jar Binks singing another of his songs. His aides whisper to each other and wonder whether all Gungans are as bad as him. The two aides decide it is time for Jar Jar to actually do some Senatorial work and ask him whether he has decided which way he'll vote for the New Tax Bill. But Jar Jar "no like to think about Paxes."
Jar Jar demands that his aides tell him how to vote. One suggests that more revenue would be necessary to protect trade routes from space pirates. Jar Jar decides to vote "yes" as "Soak Da Rich" is his motto. Unfortunately the other aide begins to give reasons why in fact he should vote "no." Talk of votes and "Mamendmenps" confuses Jar Jar until his head hurts. He eventually decides to vote "no" as "Lead my rips, NO MOO PAXES!"
Later Jar Jar meets with some other Senators to discuss going to war with rebels. Jar Jar is "for" going to war as "Jar Jar been Great warrior, Eesa fact!" The Senators tell Jar Jar a Rebel Emissary has arrived to negotiate a truce. Jar Jar immediately dives behind a desk, screaming in terror that a "Cold-Blooded Mercenary is in da bilbing." Apparently, despite his huge ears, Jar Jar misunderstands words extremely easily.
When the Emissary walks in, Jar Jar's eyes pop out of their sockets. The Emissary is conversing with another senator when Jar Jar's lust overcomes him and he licks the Emissary, exclaiming that the "Pretty mercenary tastee as gooda she lookee!" The Emissary walks out of the negotiations angrily, having been offended by Jar Jar's antics. As far as she is concerned that incident means war.
Later Jar Jar attends a debate with a rival on the campaign trail. The rival finds it completely absurd that Jar Jar was ever elected and brings up that Jar Jar was once even banished in disgrace. The rival also dismisses Jar Jar's war heroism as based entirely on two Jedi Knights who only let him hang around for comic relief. Jar Jar counters this by saying "Comedy relief good for morale, meesa regular Bob Hope." The opposition to Jar Jar also refers to the recent incident that resulted in war. The rival then begins referring to Jar Jar as "blithering", calling him a "dunderhead." That is when Jar Jar objects: "Meesa not dunderhead! Meesa am childlike! That why all of Universe adore Jar Jar… while you sir, am no Jar Jar Binks!"
The opposition is forced to admit that it is true as the crowd cheers. And so Jar Jar is re-elected as a Naboo Senator. As he is celebrating with his senatorial friends, a mysterious stranger suggests that Jar Jar run for higher office, considering he is so popular.
Jar Jar is instantly swayed to the idea, as the stranger tells him he'll have even more time to play and all the Naboo Bug Juice he can drink. Jar Jar immediately starts jumping around yelling "Jar Jar for preseedenty!" The stranger takes Jar Jar into his private chambers, where a Hologram of Darth Sidious awaits to talk to him.
Jar Jar claims that he "recognizes a Shake Down" when he sees one. Jar Jar tells Sidious that if they're working together, Sidious will be working for him! Jar Jar demands that both of them bow before "the future ruler of the entire universe!" They both kneel... "Yes Master," Sidious replies.
==Appearances==
==Collections==
*Star Wars Tales Volume 5
*Star Wars Legends Epic Collection: The Menace Revealed Vol. 4
==Notes and references==
Category:Non-canon comic stories
Category:Star Wars Tales 20 stories