Headhunters 5: The Elite Eleven

==Introduction==
A fate so certain that I'm writing this sentence at half time of the Sunday night game. 
==In Memorium: deCaPitated==
DeCRAPitated was doomed the minute he texted me Wednesday afternoon saying "at least I have headhunters." Glorio's cruelty knows no limits. 
The cracks started to show in week six. C.J. Stroud and Tyrod Taylor weren't exactly screaming "top team." But if they were screaming "middle of the pack," Jordan Love and Deshaun Watson in week 7 were screaming "time to go home." 
And every once in a while, that's what Headhunters needs. A week where it's clear who is going home and the rest of us get to relax for a change. By the third quarter of the 1pm games, Cooper had 0, Bijan had 0, and Deshaun Watson (OUT) had -1.50. Brian Robinson had a respectable 9.40, but then finished with just 9.58. CP was projected for under 100 points, before rallying in the late window to at least get to triple digits. 
So what went wrong? Well, Deshaun Watson got injured after completing one pass for five yards. That's one yard for every six women that he sexually assaulted. He now goes back on to the scrap heap and will await the next dunce to make the mistake of starting him. 
And then there was Bijan. Oh, Bijan. Much has already been written about the headache that shook a nation of fantasy footballers. But even if Bijan had managed 30 points, it still wouldn't have been enough to save CP. Nothing on the roster could have saved him, either. Sure, Zeke was on the bench outscoring 6 of the 10 starting roster spots, but 11.03 isn't exactly worth its weight in FAAB. Surviving the bye weeks of Chase and CeeDee was never going to be easy, and it turned out to be too much for the scoring champion to overcome. 
Now the scoring crown is up for grabs. Can any team survive long enough to climb the mountain and finish the season with the most combined points in Headhunters history, or has CP done enough to hold them off? Only time will tell, but for now it's another disappointing finish for CP. 
deCaPitated:
==Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020 v 2021 v 2022 v 2023)==
Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020 v 2021 v 2022 v 2023)
Team 	2023 Finish	2022 Finish	2021 Finish	2020 Finish	2019 Finish
Hasta Laviska Baby 	18th (-17) 	1st (+16) 	17th (-7) 	10th (+2) 	12th
Out of Luck 	17th (-13) 	4th (+-0) 	4th (+1) 	5th (+9) 	14th
Bobecue Chicken 	16th (-1) 	15th (-12) 	3rd (+14) 	17th (-10) 	7th
Jethro's Glorious Team	15th (+1) 	N/A 	16th (-7) 	9th (+7) 	16th
Al Snow's Fav Squad 	14th (+-0) 	14th (+2) 	19th (-6) 	3rd (-2) 	1st
The Guilloteam 	13th (-2) 	11th (+2) 	13th (-6) 	7th (-4) 	3rd
deCaPitated 	12th (-9) 	3rd (+11) 	14th (-8) 	6th (-4) 	2nd
Of the seven eliminations so far, only one (Jethro) was an improved placement from the season before. Of the first seven teams eliminated in 2022, four are still alive (What Hurts Moore, Obi-Wan, Extra Tight, Müller). 
==Dead Money==
Keeping track of all the cash that never got spent by teams that are now eliminated.
Dead Money 2023
Dead Money	% of Total Eliminated Cash
$4,601 	66%
CP only had $136 left, but no amount of money could buy him the relief he needed to survive the byes. 
==Top New Releases==
Another interesting week as yet again injuries plagued the team getting chopped. 
#Ja'Marr Chase
#CeeDee Lamb
#Bijan Robinson as long as he's not pooping himself
# Dallas Goedert
#Brian Robinson
==Week Seven Bidding Results==
Week Seven Bidding Results
Player 	Winning Team 	Winning Bid	Next Highest Bid
Josh Allen 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack	$308 	$289 (Bye Diggs my RIP)
Kenneth Walker III 	Extra Tight Ends 	$205 	$197 (Jeff Probst' Tribe)
T.J. Hockenson 	Obi-Wan Mahomie 	$169 	$138 (Müller Lite)
Alexander Mattison 	Monty's Python 	$116 	$41 (Müller Lite)
Hollywood Brown 	Bye Diggs my RIP for sure-oh	$79 	$71 (Jeff Probst' Tribe)
Christian Watson 	deCaPitated 	$55 	$55/Waiver Priority (Müller Lite)
Kyle Pitts 	Bye Diggs my RIP for sure-oh	$48 	$45 (Müller Lite)
Joshua Dobbs 	Headless Horsemen 	$25 	N/A
Ezekiel Elliot 	deCaPitated 	$14 	N/A
Cleveland Defense 	Müller Lite 	$9 	$3 (Obi-Wan Mahomie)
Mac Jones 	Headless Horsemen 	$5 	N/A
Craig Reynolds 	Obi-Wan Mahomie 	$3 	N/A
Zach Evans 	Obi-Wan Mahomie 	$1 	$1/Waiver Priority (What Hurts Moore?)
New York Jets Defense	What Hurts Moore? 	$1 	N/A
Tutu Atwell 	Müller Lite 	$1 	N/A
Luke Musgrave 	Müller Lite 	$1 	N/A
===Quick-Hit Thoughts===
*Last Year's Most Expensive Player: Darrell Henderson - $16 (Müller Lite). This was a non-elimination week last year.
* Biggest Overpay: Alexander Mattison (for the second week in a row! Last week it was $76 over next highest bid, this week it is $75 over the next highest bid - Monty's Python
* Narrowest Margin of Bid Victory: Kenneth Walker III ($8 over next hight bid - Extra Tight Ends)
*A really exciting week of bidding, with some really narrow wins for the top players.
*Müller Lite had a byepocalypse week staring him down, and came up excrutiatingly short with four runner-up bids, but still put together an amazing performance with bargain bin players like Foreman (Free), Tutu ($1) and Cleveland Defense ($9).
* What Hurts Moore playing chess with a $1 pick up of NYJ D, who will come off their bye to face the Giants this week.
*Henry VIII straight up forgot to put in any waiver claims and then had their best week, maybe in their franchise history. Wild time.
*Kyle Pitts has become a hot commodity. Is he maybe a thing now?
==Excessive Spend==
Excessive spend is anything over a single dollar more than the next highest bid for the player you won, and does not take into account the talent level or value of the player.
Excessive Spend
Team 	Excessive Spend
Never Done This Before	$412
deCaPitated 	$274
Headless Horsemen 	$232
Tee Diggs my Chubb 	$199
Henry VIII 	$188
Jethro's Glorious Team	$146
Bobecue Chicken 	$138
What Hurts Moore? 	$137
Müller Lite 	$119
The Guilloteam 	$107
Monty's Python 	$82
Jeff Probst' Tribe 	$74
Bad Boys II 	$72
Obi-Wan Mahomie 	$54
Extra Tight Ends 	$43
Al Snows Fav Squad 	$2
==Money Spent Per Week==
Money Spent Per Week
Week	Budget Spent 	Budget Spent (2022)	Budget Spent (2021)	Budget Spent (2020)	Budget Spent (2019)
2 	$2,315 (16 Players)	$1,560 (15 Players)	$9 (2 Players) 	$1,173 (12 Players)	$1,339 (7 Players)
3 	$1,423 (15 Players)	$1,160 (10 Players)	$1,283 (10 Players)	$1,033 (7 Players) 	$1,902 (15 Players)
4 	$1,256 (14 Players)	$1,475 (10 Players)	$657 (8 Players) 	$1,182 (11 Players)	$1,614 (11 Players)
5 	$1,612 (16 Players)	$1,740 (13 Players)	$1,376 (11 Players)	$181 (4 Players) 	$1,743 (14 Players)
6 	$1,203 (13 Players)	$1,355 (14 Players)	$1,231 (10 Players)	$1,542 (10 Players)	$1,018 (11 Players)
7 	$1,040 (16 Players)	$45 (6 Players) 	$965 (10 players) 	$1,494 (13 Players)	$1,036 (9 Players)
Another busy week in HH as we approach the half-way point on the season. 
==Week Seven Results==
Week Seven Results
Finish (Last Week)	Player 	Total Points
1 (2) 	Extra Tight Ends (Keeling) 	250.96
2 (11) 	Henry VIII (Commish) 	226.27
3 (1) 	Müller Lite (Roger) 	215.75
4 (4) 	Never Done This Before (Scott) 	213.92
5 (9) 	Obi-Wan Mahomie (Wolfe) 	208.33
6 (6) 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack (KVR) 	201.40
7 (10) 	What Hurts Moore? (Tebo) 	197.63
8 (7) 	Headless Horsemen (Andrew) 	195.17
9 (5) 	Jeff Probst' Tribe (Joe Cola) 	173.95
10 (12) 	Tee Diggs my RIP for sure-oh (Nate)	155.64
11 (3) 	Monty's Python (Derek) 	154.43
12 (8) 	deCaPitated (Chris) 	109.30
13 	The Guilloteam (Pat) 	0
14 	Al Snows Fav Squad (Zach) 	0
15 	Jethro's Glorious Team (Jethro) 	0
16 	Bobecue Chicken (Bob) 	0
17 	Out of Luck (Papa) 	0
18 	Hasta Laviska Baby (Jared) 	0
*Biggest Climber: Henry VIII (^9)
* Biggest Faller: Monty's Python (v8)
KVR finishes in 6th, making him the only team to not get a writeup in the top five/bottom five writeup this week. SAD! 
==Draft Dodgers==
Team Results Based on Draft Position
Draft Pick	Team 	Week Eliminated
1 	Obi-Wan Mahomie 	ALIVE
2 	Extra Tight Ends 	ALIVE
3 	The Guilloteam 	6
4 	What Hurts Moore? 	ALIVE
5 	Al Snows Fav Squad 	5
6 	Henry VIII 	ALIVE
7 	Müller Lite 	ALIVE
8 	Never Done This Before 	ALIVE
9 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack 	ALIVE
10 	Jethro's Glorious Team 	4
11 	Monty's Python 	ALIVE
12 	Bobecue Chicken 	3
13 	Out of Luck 	2
14 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	1
15 	Headless Horsemen 	ALIVE
16 	Jeff Probst' Tribe 	ALIVE
17 	Tee Diggs my Chubb for sure-oh	ALIVE
18 	deCaPitated 	7
Well, it worked last year, but not as well this year. The last pick in the draft is gone after seven weeks, though it is less a product of draft position and more a product of poor bye management. 
==Kings of the Castle==
===1. Extra Tight Ends===
Continues to wow without a 2nd QB, and this week they even did it with "only" 27.60 from Tyreek Hill. Not much left to say about this team, they're up here every week and they are nearly unstoppable except for that pesky week 10 that is looming larger and scarier than Brittney Mahomes in a box suite any time Taylor Swift is trying to mind her own business and watch football. 
===2. Henry VIII===
Steve Smith Jr. may have called Jerry Jeudy a JAG but he and his fellow JAG-mates Jayden Reed, Ray-Ray McCloud, and Najee Harris, all helped Henry to one of his best weeks in team history. They'll need to survive two more weeks without Deebo, and week 9 is a scary week of byes, but for now it's just nice to (almost) win one. 
===3. Müller Lite===
Despite Justin Herbert's best effort to tank this team's hopes, Lite lit it up yet again thanks to D'Onta Foreman off free agency, James Cook from a trade with El Diablo, and Christian Kirk (drafted 102nd overall). His bench looked like an NSYNC merch stand (everywhere you looked you saw bye, bye, bye), but thanks to some savvy work he now gets to say hey, hey, hey to week 8. 
===4. Never Done This Before===
This team isn't still supposed to be here! After spending all their money as if a doctor told them their roster had two weeks left to live, Never Done This has outlived their prognosis and is thriving on the back of Josh fucking Downs and all manner of friends whose names start with J. In fact, the five players with J names averaged 22.74 points in week 7 (of course I include Jacksonville). Get Justin Fields back in there and this team could be unstoppable! 
===5. Obi-Wan Mahomie===
Maybe a little less speed on the streets and a little more on the field and Chris Olave might have a chance at breaking his projection for a change. Obi-Wan's middleOfThePackology seems to have them in a prime spot, though 64.94 from Mahomes definitely helped hide -0.08 from Elijah Mitchell and 5.38 from Antonio Gibston. 
== On the Chopping Block==
===11. Monty's Python===
The worst week of the season for Monty, dropping below their 173.14 in week 3 and failing to reach projection for the first time all year. It could have been an all-time shocking exit for the second-highest scoring franchise in the league. Granted, there were a few byes, but this really was the product of their entire RB group shitting the bed (Ekeler, Moster, and Mattison). 
===10. Tee Diggs my RIP for sure-oh===
May have overspent on those two QBs that are no longer on their roster, but at least that and some pennies got flipped for a solid WR. It must be some relief that Rashid Shaheed is no longer the second best receiver on the team. With Moore there, and Tee coming back, sure-oh is trending up-ish. 
===9. Jeff Probst' Tribe===
Finished in the top ten despite rolling out Kalif Raymond in the superflex, Cole Kmet goose-egging, and Keenan Allen looking like Quentin Johnston against the Chiefs. Tua looked human, getting outscored by Gus fucking Edwards. Now the biggest challenge for Probst will be surviving a trip to New Zealand, the very thing that tanked Commish nearly a year ago to the week. 
=== 8. Headless Horsemen===
Faired well with the last minute OUT designation for Metcalf and with Burrow on the bye. Jonnu was the only member of the active roster that did not crack 10 (9.10), and Jonathan Taylor finally took back control of the Indy backfield. Rashee Rice looks like a thing, too. Headless Horsemen seems to be getting stronger despite no big new acquisitions. 
===7. What Hurts Moore?===
Traded Moore to Tee Diggs for Gardner Minshew and enough money to buy a new blu-ray at Target but not enough to splurge for a 4K. With Tyrod expecting to be back on the bench and Hurts' bye coming up in week 10, this I guess bolsters the position for now, and the surplus of WR talent certainly affords them the luxury of dealing a WR2 talent. Though I have to imagine its a solemn feeling, watching potential trade partners drop off week after week. 
==Average Scores of Eliminated Teams==
Average Scores of Eliminated Teams
Team 	Average Score	Weeks Played
Al Snow's Fav Squad 	181.30 	5
DeCaPitated 	172.53 	7
The Guilloteam 	169.07 	6
Jethro's Glorious Team	163.20 	4
Out of Luck 	160.68 	2
Bobecue Chicken 	140.44 	3
Hasta Laviska Baby 	97.49 	1
==Narrow Defeats==
Margin of Defeat for Last Place Teams:
Margin of Defeat for Eliminated Teams
Team 	Margin of Defeat	Week Eliminated
Hasta Laviska Baby 	1.21 	1
Jethro's Glorious Team	4.13 	4
The Guilloteam 	10.69 	6
Out of Luck 	14.67 	2
Bobecue Chicken 	21.19 	3
deCaPitated 	45.13 	7
Al Snow's Fav Squad 	50.59 	5
==Unique Players Started==
How many unique players (Defense included) were started by each team. The table can be sorted by players and also by week eliminated.
Unique Players Started
Team 	Players Started	Week Eliminated
The Guilloteam 	25 	6
deCaPitated 	21 	7
Bobecue Chicken 	16 	3
Al Snow's Fav Squad 	15 	5
Jethro's Glorious Team	12 	4
Out of Luck 	11 	2
Hasta Laviska Baby 	9 	1
NOTE: Hasta Laviska has 9 total players started, even though there are 10 roster spots. That's because he started Mark Andrews week 1, who was an inactive player and thus does not count towards the total. 
==Rulers of the Kingdom==
2023 first place finishers:
Top Scorers by Week
Week	Team 	Score
1 	Monty's Python 	228.65
2 	Extra Tight Ends 	227.45
3 	Headless Horsemen 	266.15
4 	Monty's Python (2) 	260.79
5 	Extra Tight Ends (2)	264.57
6 	Müller Lite 	208.67
7 	Extra Tight Ends (3)	250.96
==Dungeon Dwellers ==
2023 teams that finished second-to-last, narrowly avoiding elimination:
Low Scorers by Week
Week	Team 	Score
1 	Extra Tight Ends 	98.70
2 	Never Done This Before 	150.50
3 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack 	124.83
4 	deCaPitated 	130.88
5 	Tee Diggs my RIP for sure-oh 	138.70
6 	Tee Diggs my RIP for sure-oh (2)	153.44
7 	Monty's Python 	154.43
I guarantee 154 isn't going to keep you alive for many more weeks. 
==Single Season Scoring Records==
As teams get eliminated, their single season performance will appear here. Bolded lines indicate performances from the current season.
All-Time Single Season HH Point Records
Score 	Player 	Year
3,697.30	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2022
3,581.72	Beach McBungalow (Tee Diggs my Chubb)	2022
3428.76 	CP 	2019
3402.18 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2019
3363.88 	CP (deCaPitated) 	2022
3121.28 	Return of the Mac 	2021
3049.02 	Bobecue Chicken 	2021
3015.53 	Mixon Beer 	2020
3013.13 	Müller Lite 	2021
2997.67 	The Guilloteam 	2019
2980.07 	Last Coach Standing 	2020
2833.37 	Out of Luck 	2022
2743.25 	@FFDraftScott 	2020
2733.07 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2020
2709.59 	Mac 	2019
2677.20 	Out of Luck 	2021
2675.14 	Wildcat (no QBs no problem) 	2022
2620.18 	The Titanic 	2021
2614.60 	burrow for sure-oh 	2022
2438.96 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack 	2022
2422.98 	I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls 	2019
2377.31 	The Guilloteam 	2020
2285.51 	CP 	2020
2282.91 	Out of Luck 	2020
2262.36 	Bad Boys 	2021
2233.57 	Soul Survivor (burrow for sure-oh) 	2021
2134.22 	I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls 	2021
2046.35 	LIVEWithIt 	2019
2034.86 	Laser Rocket Arms 	2022
1941.63 	Bobecue Chicken 	2019
1939.02 	Beach McBungalow 	2021
1936.45 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	2021
1862.19 	Henry VIII 	2022
1817.79 	Carole Pigskin 	2020
1749.51 	The Guilloteam 	2021
1736.99 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	2019
1611.76 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	2020
1512.91 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	2020
1509.41 	CP 	2021
1483.70 	Last Coach Standing 	2021
1473.18 	Henry VIII 	2021
1439.40 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2020
1357.00 	Henry VIII 	2019
1351.99 	Muller Lite 	2022
1300.35 	The Guilloteam 	2022
1238.56 	Bluedevils 	2019
1207.69 	deCaPitated 	2023
1182.09 	Mixon Beer with Liquor 	2021
1160.81 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	2021
1132.61 	Henry VIII 	2020
1116.98 	Shotti's Bugatti 	2020
1055.63 	Mac 	2020
1049.89 	LIVEWithIt 	2020
1014.40 	The Guilloteam 	2023
991.57 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2021
975.59 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2019
906.48 	Al Snows Fav Squad 	2023
806.27 	Mixon It Up With Mahomie 	2022
768.10 	Shotti's Bugatti 	2021
717.82 	Out of Luck 	2019
713.12 	I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls 	2020
708.44 	The Executioner 	2022
652.79 	Jethro's Glorious Team 	2023
544.55 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2021
489.42 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2022
481.22 	@FFDraftScott 	2019
459.96 	Bobecue Chicken 	2020
421.33 	Bobecue Chicken 	2023
324.28 	Bobecue Chicken 	2022
321.35 	Out of Luck 	2023
294.62 	Steve Blackman's Nun 	2021
286.36 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	2019
262.69 	Bad Boys 	2020
123.21 	CoachKnows 	2022
115.16 	Mixon Beer 	2019
97.49 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2023
96.56 	Steve Blackman's Nun 	2020
== All-Time Combined Points Scored==
Same as above: eliminated teams will have their 2023 season added to the total. Bolded lines indicate that the record has been updated through 2023.
The game is on. Can anyone touch 11,795 points in 2023? Odds are no, but Tee Diggs at least has an outside chance, if they managed another championship appearance. 
All-Time Combined Points Records
Score 	Player 	Years Played	Per Season Avg.
11,795.25	deCaPitated 	5 	2,359.05
9,439.24 	The Guilloteam 	5 	1,887.85
8832.65 	Out of Luck 	5 	1766.53
8626.98 	Tee Diggs my Chubb 	4 	
8075.70 	Al Snows Fav Squad 	5 	1,615.14
7879.51 	Never Done This Before 	4 	
7594.94 	Obi-Wan Mahomie 	4 	
7201.35 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	5 	1440.27
6987.92 	Monty's Python 	4 	
6665.96 	burrow for sure-oh (defunct) 	3 	2221.98
6439.42 	Bad Boys 	4 	
6196.22 	Bobecue Chicken 	5 	1,239.24
6076.59 	Extra Tight Ends 	4 	
5824.98 	Henry VIII 	4 	
5186.35 	Neck-Fix and Chill (defunct) 	3 	1728.78
4586.98 	What Hurts Moore? 	3 	
4365.12 	Müller Lite 	2 	
3711.72 	Jethro's Glorious Team 	4 	927.93
1885.08 	Shotti's Bugatti (defunct) 	2 	942.54
1238.56 	Bluedevils (defunct) 	1 	1238.56
698.91 	Phillip's Team (defunct) 	1 	698.91
391.19 	Steve Blackman's Nun (defunct)	2 	195.60
==Remaining Budget==
Remaining Budget as of 10/24/23
Player 	Total Budget
Müller Lite 	$748
Monty's Python 	$680
Obi-Wan Mahomie 	$636
Henry VIII 	$559
Bye Diggs my RIP for sure-oh	$433
Jeff Probst' Tribe 	$431
Headless Horsemen 	$364
What Hurts Moore? 	$310
Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack	$262
Extra Tight Ends 	$102
Never Done This Before 	$24
deCaPitated 	0
The Guilloteam 	0
Al Snows Fav Squad 	0
Jethro's Glorious Team 	0
Bobecue Chicken 	0
Out of Luck 	0
Hasta Laviska Baby 	0
==Conclusion==
Happy Hunting!