DreamWorks Toontanic: A Summer Vacation (2004 Film)/Transcript

This is a Transcript for the 1999's crossover sequel, Toontanic: A Summer Vacation.
== Transcript ==
[Just like Shrek 2, Shows 2004 DreamWorks Animation logo]
[Fade to an ocean background with bubbles floating.]
Text: DreamWorks Pictures Presents
Text: A Turner Entertainment Production
[The title shows up: Toontanic: A Summer Vacation. The text fades away. The ocean turns into a starry night sky. The moon is shown as a wolf can be heard howling from deep in the forest. Guitar music is heard, along with Luigi singing Billy Joe McGuffrey with his new friend, Billy, along with Numbuh 3, Ami Onuki, Numbuh 4, and the other Characters.]
Cartoon Characters: Now, Billy Joe McGuffrey was a really clumsy kid
On the first day of first grade, I'll tell you what he did
He tripped over a pencil box, flew up in the air
Landed on a kangaroo who pulled out all his hair
[A porcupine is shown on the side of the road. It crosses the road.]
He needed first aid in the first grade
First aid in the first grade (2x)
You can buy a zoo with all the doctor bills he paid
[A red and white Volkswagen bus drives past. Luigi, Billy, Numbuh 3, Ami Onuki, and Numbuh 4 are shown in the bus.]
Oh, Billy Joe McGuffrey was a really clumsy kid
On the second day of second grade, I'll tell you what he did
He slipped on a banana peel flew up in the sky
Landed on a chimpanzee who poked him in the eye
[Clarence the Tomato is shown driving the bus with Luigi right next to him. Clarence is fumbling with a road map.]
He needed first aid in the second grade
Clarence: ...Route 59, where's Route 59?
[Luigi inadvertently whacks Clarence in the back of the head with the guitar's neck. The tomato cries out in Dexterin and glares at Luigi.]
First aid in the second grade (2x)
You can buy a zoo with all the doctor bills he paid
[Luigi accidentally hits Clarence again, hard enough to smack his face in the dashboard, sounding the horn, and shutting off the headlights.]
Clarence: Aah! Lights! AAAAHH!!!
Now Billy Joe McGuffrey was a really clumsy kid
On the third day of third grade, I'll tell you what he did
Clarence: Whoa! Lights! Lights! Where is that button?
He fell out of a fishing boat splashed into the sea
Land on a moray eel...
Clarence: Switch! No! Where is it?
...who bit him on the knee
He needed first aid in the third grade
[Luigi hits Clarence again, making Clarence's face smack the horn again. The bus drives over a rock, making everyone bounce.]
First aid in the third grade
[The bus goes off the road, and drives over a log, making everyone bounce again.]
First aid in the third grade
[Clarence eventually finds the light switch button.]
You can buy a zoo with all the doctor bills he paid
[As Clarence turns the lights back on, Luigi plays a solo on his harmonica while Clarence is stressed. Numbuh 3 looks down at her ticket, smiling.]
Numbuh 3: (whispers) I get to meet Lazlo (as Twippo).
[Billy looks at Numbuh 3, unamused. The bus passes a porcupine sign. Camera switches to the front of the bus.]
Luigi: Twelfth grade!
Cartoon Characters: Noooowwww... Billy Joe McGuffrey was a really clumsy kid
On the twelfth day of 12th grade, I'll tell you what he did
He walked into financial aid, fell and broke a bone
Showed them all his bills and got a great big college loan
He needed first aid in the 12th grade
First aid in the 12th grade (2x)
(Clarence dodges Luigi's guitar as he swings it.)
You can buy a zoo with all the doctor bills he paid! (2x)
(Billy Joe McGuffrey ends.)
All: Yay! Lazlo (as Twippo)!
Numbuh 4: Let's do another Lazlo (as Twippo) song!
Ami Onuki: I love Twippo.
Billy: Me too!
Numbuh 3: But I'm the one who gets to meet him because I won the Twippo sweepstakes.
Billy: You don't have to rub it in.
Luigi: It's great that you won the contest, Numbuh 3. But let's try not to brag about it. Nice one with the lights, Clarence.
Clarence: My pleasure, for the next song maybe I can DRIVE INTO THE RIVER!!
Cartoon Characters: Yeah! Drive into the river, Clarence! Oh, drive into the river, Clarence!
Clarence: Or maybe you could help me with the MAP!!!
Luigi: Oh. I'm sorry.
Numbuh 3: Is there anything you want me to tell Twippo, when I meet him?
(Luigi gets shocked, and turns to Numbuh 3, inadvertently whacking Clarence in the face with his guitar.)
Luigi: Numbuh 3!
Clarence: Ow!
(Clarence loses his concentration, and the bus swerves, making Numbuh 3's ticket fly out of her grip.)
Numbuh 3: (gasps) MY TICKET!!
Luigi: Aah! Quick get it!
(Luigi tries to catch the ticket, but gets in Clarence's way.)
Clarence: The map!
Luigi: Sorry.
(Clarence screams in horror as the ticket flies out of his open window of the bus.)
Numbuh 3: MY TICKEEEET...!
(The ticket lands on the side of the road. Cuts back to the Cartoon Characters in the bus. An annoyed Clarence tries to get Luigi out of his way.)
Clarence: Do you mind?!
Luigi: (his guitar is stuck in the steering wheel) I'm stuck!!
(Luigi tries to pull the guitar out of the steering wheel, but he accidentally rips the wheel off of the dashboard. Clarence gasps in horror. Luigi frantically shakes his guitar to try to get the wheel off of his guitar. The Cartoon Characters all cry out in fear as the bus swerves all around the road. Meanwhile, in the forest, a mother porcupine is walking with her two babies. Cuts back to the bus, which is still driving like crazy.)
Clarence: (takes the steering wheel off the guitar) Get it! (tries to put the steering wheel back on the dashboard) We gotta fix it! Put it! Stick it in! Put it!
(Cuts back to the porcupines, who are now walking on the road. Suddenly, the bus careens around the corner. Clarence sees the porcupines and is horrified.)
Clarence: PORCUPINE!!!
(The mother porcupine jumps in front of her babies and aims several quills at the car tires. The front tires are both deflated. As the bus heads toward the porcupines, Clarence steers to the left. The bus then starts rolling down a steep hill and approaches a...)
Luigi: Tree! (Clarence steers right. Now they're headed for a...) Cabin! (Clarence steers left. Finally they're headed for..) Underwear!
(The clothesline holding the underwear stops the bus. Clarence looks Past the underwear to see the river below.)
Clarence: (chuckles) Well, I'm glad that's over. (A line snaps. Clarence turns to Luigi.) Did you say something? (Luigi shakes his head. Another line snaps.) Oh...
Luigi: Dear.
(Three more lines snap and the bus continues down the hill toward the river. The bus then hits a stump and the airbags activate.)
Clarence: Am I in heaven?
Luigi: (sniffs) It smells like... Wisconsin.
(everyone jumps out of the car.)
Clarence: Well, nobody got hurt.
(A quill comes out of nowhere and hits Clarence in the behind)
Clarence: Aah!
(The porcupines look down happily.)
Luigi: Wow! What a shot!
(Clarence groans.)
Billy: Hey, what's that?
(They all notice a restaurant that reads Great Wolf Lodge with the E light out.)
All: Ooh.
Ami Onuki: What's Great wolf?
Numbuh 4: Maybe it's like Great Dog?
Luigi: Only saltier!
(The E lights up.)
All: Ahh.
(cut to inside the restaurant, with the sound of arguing from outside)
Clarence: Oh yeah, well if it wasn't for you we wouldn't be in this mess!
Luigi: I said I was sorry. I'll do better next time.
Clarence: Well, there probably isn't gonna be a next time!
Ami Onuki: Mr. Clarence, how are we going to get to the Lazlo (as Twippo) Concert?
Numbuh 4: Yeah, we're going to miss the Bald kitty song.
Clarence: I don't know! I don't know about any bald...bunnies!
Numbuh 4: I'm a bald kitty, ain't got no fur.
I'm a bald kitty, brrr brrr brrr.
Numbuh 3: (while Numbuh 4 continues singing) Even if we do make it to the concert, I can't get in because I lost my ticket.
Billy: Serves you right! It's your own fault for waving it around in my face!
Ami Onuki: I have to go to the bathroom.
Luigi: I'm not usually that bad as a co-pilot.
Clarence: Two flat tires!!
Luigi: Usually, I'm quite dexterous!
Clarence: How in the world are we going to change two flat tires? Where's the phone?
Numbuh 3: I lost my ticket.
Billy: If you hadn't been teasing me, we wouldn't been in this mess, Numbuh 3!
(Numbuh 3 looks depressed.)
Jean-Claude Pea: (clears his throat after a pause)
Ed & Eddy: May we help you?
Clarence: Luigi whacked me in the head with a guitar and our bus got taken out by a mad porcupine, then another one got me... here.
Numbuh 4: (singing) Bald, bald, kitty, kitty Look over there kitty! Hair over there kitty! What fur? That fur! There's some fur bald kitty!
Luigi: Maybe it's because I'm used to the ukulele, The neck is so much shorter... Yeah... that's why. Say, I need to call my wife!
Billy: Numbuh 3 was teasing me with her "special ticket," and then it flew right out the window and she screamed and made the bus crash.. (Billy turns to Numbuh 3) ..and now none of us get to see Lazlo (as Twippo)!
Ami Onuki: May I please use the bathroom?
Philippe: Down the hall, first door on the left.
Ami Onuki: Thank you.
Numbuh 4: Ooh, captain, they have Mario Bros! My favorite! (He runs up to the game.)
Jean-Claude: What do you want?
Clarence: Well, sirs, Luigi hit me in the head with a guitar, and an angry mother porcupine shot out our tires, and one of her babies got me.
(Clarence shows a thorn stuck onto his back, while Luigi tries not to look.)
Ed & Eddy: Ooh!
Luigi: And I need to use your phone to call my-
Clarence: A tow truck?
Luigi: My wife!
(Clarence is not amused.)
Eddy: I see.
Ed: Next to the Moby Blaster.
Luigi: Thanks.
(Luigi proceeds to walk to where the phone is.)
Eddy: Well, in the meantime, would you like to have a seat? Maybe enjoy a nice...combo platter?!
Ed & Eddy: Steak, steak, eat it, eat it!
Shrimp, shrimp, need it, need it!
Steak and shrimp, steak and shrimp!
Need to, need to, eat it, eat it!
(scatting portion)
Eddy: Got to, got to, got to get the steaky, wakey, shrimpy! Do you prefer poking or non-poking?
Clarence: (sarcastically laughs) Non.
Ed & Eddy: (laughing)
Ed: Good one, Eddy! You are one clever friend, no?
Ed & Eddy: (laughing)
(Eddy takes the torn out of Clarence's back)
Clarence: Aaahh!
Eddy: Voila! A skewer for the scampi!
(Ed & Eddy leave while Clarence looks unamused. Everybody then looks back to hear singing)
Mario, Kirby, & Dexter: We are The Pirates Band of Misfits
We just stay home and lie around
Ed: Please, make yourselves comfortable. I will be back to take your order.
Mario, Kirby, & Dexter: And if you ask us to do anything...
Clarence: Why don't you two wait here? I'm gonna go call a tow truck. Maybe we'll still make it to the concert on time!
Mario, Kirby, & Dexter: ...we'll just tell you we don't do anything!
(Clarence leaves. Cut to Numbuh 3 looking depressed over what Billy said.)
Numbuh 3: Yeah, everyone but me.
Billy: Hey, it's your own fault for teasing me. You're just getting what you deserve.
Numbuh 3: Hmph, I'm coming with you, Mr. Clarence.
(Numbuh 3 leaves. As Billy looks at the menu, he sees "Compassion" written in it. Suddenly, Dexter starts talking to him.)
Dexter: Hey, excuse me.
Billy: Aaahh!!
Mario: How's it going?
Kirby: Hey, what's up?
Billy: Who are you?
Dexter: Who, us?
Billy: Yeah.
Dexter: Oh, we are The Pirates Band of Misfits.
Kirby: Oh you know that's right.
Mario: Nothing.
Kirby: Zilch.
Mario: Nada.
Dexter: Didn't you hear our song?
Billy: Well, yeah, but-
Dexter: Look, Sonny, can I call you Sonny?
Billy: Billy.
Dexter: Eh, pretty close. Look, uhh..Billy, we couldn't help but notice you were havin' a little thing with your friend over there.
Kirby: Yeah. You weren't being very nice.
Billy: Well, it's her own fault. She was teasing me, and now she's getting what she deserves!
(brief pause)
Dexter: Right. Billy, we've seen these types of situations before...
Kirby: ...happen all the time.
Dexter: What you need is a little compassion.
Mario: And maybe some scampi.
Billy: Hey, I saw that in the menu! (looks in the menu) What is that? What's compassion?
Kirby: Ooh, that's a hard question.
Mario: Mmm-hmm.
Dexter: Well, compassion is when you see that someone needs help, and you wanna help them. (Billy looks confused) That's what I thought you'd say.
Kirby: They all do.
Mario: Yep.
Dexter: So we find it helpful to illustrate with a little story.
Billy: A story?
Dexter: Yep. You know, we call ourselves The Pirates Band of Misfits, but that's not entirely accurate.
Kirby: Remember when we did that one thing with that one guy?
Dexter: Oh, do I ever.
Mario: I remember it like it was yesterday.
(Mario sips his root beer, cuts to Cincinatti while Mario puts his root beer down. The Mario, Kirby, & Dexter are standing at a booth selling their favorite snacks.)
Mr. Krabs: Are you guys still doing that "pirate thing"?
Kirby: Aargh! Watch your tongue, matey, or we'll have to... what will we do?
Mario: We won't do anything. We're The Pirates Band of Misfits, remember?
Kirby: Oh, that's right. Aargh! you got off easy today!
Mario: We need more Mr. Twisty's Twisted Cheese Curls!
Dexter: Yeah, and root beer!
Mr. Krabs: I told you boys - no more cheese curls until you pay your tab! You still owe me from last week!
Kirby: But, you'll take away out chance to win the "Mister Twisty's Twisted Cheese Curl Sweepstakes!"
Mr. Krabs: Come again?
Dexter: Inside one of those bags of cheesy goodness is a golden ticket that'll change our lives forever!
Mr. Krabs: Well, you could work here for me. That way you could earn more cheese curls.
Mario, Kirby, & Dexter: (overlapping in agreement)
Mr. Krabs: So, uh... Whadaya know how to do?
Dexter: Well, I'm pretty good at lawn darts.
Mario: Ping-pong! I can play ping-pong!
Kirby: Croquet is my spe-ci-al-ity.
(beat)
Dexter: When do we start?
(Mr. Nezzer closes the booth.)
Dexter: Monday's good for me!
Dexter (narrating): We were short on cash. It seems not doing anything didn't pay very well.
Kirby: So, what do we do now?
Mario: Uh...nothing!
Kirby: You are a genius.
(As the Mario, Kirby, & Dexter are walking, as Mario sees the fish market.)
Cincinatti citizen: Uh, are these fish fresh?
Ed: You bet!
Eddy: Oh yeah!
(The citizen smells it and falls back, due to the bad smell.)
Cincinatti citizen: Ooooh!
Eddy: What? They were fresh when they caught them.
Ed: That's right.
Eddy: ...two weeks ago!
Eddy and Ed: Ho-ho-ho! He-he!
(Ed & Eddy start slapping each other with their fish while Mario is concerned.)
Mario: Hmm, Arctic Characters.
Dexter (narrating): Beside the fact that we were low on funds, this was a memorable day because he showed up: Lazlo! (Mario, Kirby, & Dexter meet Lazlo. Lazlo rides through the town on his camel, Reginald.) Now Lazlo was a prophet of He - which means he was one of the very special people He used to deliver messages to Cincinatti. (We see Gumball Watterson as a mailman trying to hand out mail, but everyone seems more interested in Lazlo's messages.) He was kind of like a mailman, except his letters came straight from He! Ahem. Anyway... Lazlo loved helping his friends by bringing them He's messages. Sometimes the messages were good, sometimes they were not so good. But when a prophet talked, everybody listened!
Mr. Krabs: What's the word, Lazlo?
Miss Achmetha: Yeah, what's the word?
(Lazlo stops by the fountain)
Lazlo: Stop right here, Reginald. (Reginald does so) Dear people, I bring you a Message From the Lord.
Crowd: (gasps)
Lazlo: Oh, it's a message of encouragement.
Crowd: (sighs of relief)
(The song begins with Message From the Lord.)
Lazlo: Do not fight, do not cheat. Wash your hands before you eat.
There is nothing quite as sweet. A message from the Lord.
Be a friend, say your prayers. Heaven loves a heart that cares.
That is why I've come to share a message from the Lord.
And if you follow He's commands,
There will be peace throughout the land.
You will live long and happy lives...
With your sheep, your kids, your girlfriends. Ah-ha!
Don't eat cheese, Don't eat pies. Don't eat pickles, beans or grapes
Stay away from all of that. A message from the Lord.
Do what's right, Don't provoke, Put four tassels on your cloak.
Do not laugh, it's not a joke. A message from the Lord
Cartoon Characters (as a choir): Do not fight, do not cheat.
Teen Girl: Wash your hands before you eat.
Teen Boy: There is nothing quite as sweet.
Teen Girl 2: A message from the Lord.
Lazlo: All together now.
Cartoon Characters (as a choir): Be a friend, Say your prayers. Heaven loves a heart that cares.
That is why he came to share a message from the Lord.
(Instrumental Break)
Cartoon Characters: And if we follow His commands, There will be peace throughout the land.
We will live long and happy lives...With our sheep, our kids, our girlfriends.
Do what's right, Don't provoke, Put four tassels on your cloak.
Do not laugh. it's not a joke. A message from the Lord.
Lazlo: Don't do drugs, Stay in school
Clam: This is quite a lot of rules
Lazlo: Follow them and you're no fool-uh...
Cartoon Characters: Follow them and you're no fool-uh...
Lazlo: Follow them and you're no fool-uh...
All: A message from the Lord
(Jimmy is shown pulling a cart.)
Lazlo: Follow them and you're no fool-uh...
All: A message from the Lord. A message from the Lord
(Jimmy is pulled back by the cart and he hits it, causing mail to fly out. Everyone cheers as the mail flies down)
Lazlo: All right! Good show, everyone! Thank you very much!
(He and Reginald proceed to leave)
Dexter: That was pretty much Lazlo's life, town to town bringing He's messages to his friends. Heh, not a bad gig overall. (fade to later that night) So every night before he went to sleep, Lazlo would pray and ask He if there was a new message for him to deliver. (fade to inside the tent) And this night, there was a message that would change Lazlo's life.
Lazlo: A new message? Yes, wha-what's that? People being unkind? Lying? (gasps) Stealing? Oh dear, sounds like a standard turn and repent to me. All right, name the town. I'll be on my way first thing in the morning. Where is it? Jericho? Damascus? What? Antartica? I'm not aware of any Antarticas in Israel. No, I don't think- Oh. You mean that Antartica?
(Lazlo looks at his map of Israel and spots Antartica. The movie then switches to 2d animation.)
Dexter: That Antartica wasn't in Israel at all. It was the capital of Assyria, and it was the biggest, meanest city around! Now the people of Antartica were Particularly mean to Lazlo's people, the Cartoon Characters. They lied, they stole. But worst of all, they slapped people with fishes! (A pea does so to a gourd.) They even slapped each other with fishes. (Two peas are shown doing just that.) They didn't know the difference between right and wrong. The Arctic People were so mean in fact, that most Israelites, including Lazlo, wish He would just wipe Antartica off the face of the earth!
(A fire from heaven destroys Antartica; leaving one pea. He rants before the fire destroys him too.)
Dexter: Needless to say, Lazlo was shocked that He would want him to deliver a message to his enemies.
Lazlo: You don't want me to go there! You don't know what Antartica is like! Perhaps you've never been there! Well of course you haven't! A He like you would never go to a place like Antartica, and for that matter neither would a prophet like me. (laughs) Oh.
(The song begins with It Cannot Be.)
Lazlo: No, it cannot be. Your messages are meant for me and my brothers.
We are your chosen people. And Antartica, well, they're not!
There must be some mistake. A huge misunderstanding.
It's really hard to take. How could you be so demanding?
For years I've been your messenger from Indiana to Illinois.
But Antartica should get no chance to turn. They've earned your wrath.
No, it cannot be. Your messages are meant for me and my brothers.
We are your chosen people. And Antartica, well, they're not!
We're the good guys and they're the bad guys! Please don't send me there with the message of your mercy!
(Lazlo is shown standing on his map.)
California or Toronto, I'll be there in a minute! Any town in Arctic-Just ask me and I'll be in it!
Virginia, Chicago, Texas, just say the word! But Antartica, that is just absurd!
Cincinatti, Kalahari and Africa, they're all just fine!
But Antartica... Oh Antartica.... No!
Antartica is where I draw the line!
(Tears the map off the wall and throws it outside.)
No, it cannot be. Your messages are meant for me.
(He lies down to sleep as the flame in the lamp goes out. Back to the restaurant.)
Dexter: Yep. It sounded like He wanted to offer mercy to the Arctic People.
Clarence: The tow truck is on it's way. You know, Billy, I love your dad and all, but that's the last time I pick him for a co-pilot. (Sees the Pirates sips his root beer.) Heh, wha-what's going on?
Dexter: Ahem. We're telling a little story. You should listen too. As I was saying, it sounded like He wanted to offer mercy to Lazlo's enemies.
Numbuh 3: What's mercy?
Kirby: It's what this whole story is about.
Billy: I thought it was about compassion. Remember? The menu?
Kirby: Oh, ye-yeah, well there's that too.
Dexter: Better check your menu again, we got two specials today, and they go hand in hand.
Mario: Compassionis when you wanna help someone who needs help. Mercy is when you give someone a second chance, even though they don't deserve it. This story is about both of them.
Dexter: That's right, my plumber friend. You can't mercy without compassion, but mercy is even more important. Lazlo was afraid He was gonna give Antartica a second chance, and that he was gonna help them, even though they didn't deserve it.
Numbuh 3: So, what did he do?
(Back to the story.)
Dexter (Narrating): Well, never before had he gotten a message from He that he didn't wanna deliver. He didn't know what to do!
(We cut to Lazlo's tent at morning. He peeks out to make sure the coast is clear. The moment he steps out and locks his tent, a group of people suddenly show up.)
Jerry: Morning, Lazlo! What's the word?
Lazlo: What? Nothing! There is no word!
(Lazlo hops away from the crowd.)
Jerry: Uhh...nothing? At all?
Lazlo: No! Nothing at all! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm very bu-
(As he's hopping away, he bumps into Mr. Nezzer.)
Mr. Krabs: Good morning, Lazlo. What's the word?
Lazlo: Ahh!! Stop it!! There is no word! Nothing! I've gotta get out of here!
(Lazlo continues running away, this time at a much faster pace, much to the confusion of the citizens. As he does, he repeatedly looks behind him to make sure nobody's following him.)
Lazlo: There is no word! I have no new messages! And above all, I'm not going to Antartica!
(Because he's not looking where he's going, he bumps into a sign and it hits him, knocking him back. He looks and sees that it's a map of the Mediterranean Sea.)
Edward Platypus: Sorry sir, I can't sell you a ticket to Antartica!
Lazlo: What, who are you?
Edward Platypus: The name's Edward. I sell cruise tickets. There's nothing like a cruise on the Great Sea to clean the sand out of your wicket, ay?!
(Lazlo slightly jumps.)
Edward Platypus: But ya can't sail to Antartica! It's land-locked! See?
(Edward Platypus points to a star surrounded entirely by orange, symbolizing only land.)
Edward Platypus: You can't go by sea! Ya got to go by land!
Lazlo: But I don't want to go to-
(As he's talking, a couple of nearby citizens (Penelope and Mabel) spot him.)
Lee Kanker: Oh, hello, Mr. Lazlo! What's the word?
Edward Platypus: Ah! He's going to Antartica!
Marie Kanker: Oh, really?..
Lazlo: I am not going to Antartica! Why on earth would I wanna go to Antartica?! In fact, I'm going in the opposite direction! (looks at map) What's the farthest thing in the world from Antartica?
Edward Platypus: Well, if you have a few days, you could sail down to Egypt. It's lovely this time of year.
(Lazlo isn't paying attention to what he's saying, instead directing his attention toward a star on the far left edge of the map.)
Lazlo: There! I want to go there!
Edward Platypus: Huh?! Tarshish?! Why, that would take weeks!
(Lazlo is initially disappointed at this long travel date, until...)
Edward Platypus: It's the other end of the world!
Lazlo: (elated) Perfect!! How much?
Edward Platypus: Even if you had the money, no one around here has the time to sail all the way to Tarshi-
(He stops when he hears something. He looks over at the dock to see the Mario, Kirby, & Dexter' ship, as they are dancing to their song.)
Edward Platypus: Then again...
(Lazlo looks behind him, and notices the Mario, Kirby, & Dexter as well. We then wipe to the Mario, Kirby, & Dexter in their ship talking to Lazlo.)
Dexter: We couldn't possibly! We're very busy with...cargo and.. stuff.
Kirby: You know, Pirates have to pillage and plunder, and.. that really takes it out of you.
Mario: Yeah, and, uh, Alf is on in a half-an-hour, so I don't think we could, um...
Dexter: And besides that, we don't really sail... at all. So the answer is no.
(Lazlo leans in closer to them.)
Lazlo: Money is no object.
(Mario's eyepatch pops out. Suddenly, everyone is ecstatic.)
Dexter: Next stop, Tarshish! I'll hoist the mainsail!
Mario: I'll pop the popcorn!
Kirby: I'll get the moist towelettes! Where did we put them? Hey, Mario, have you seen the towelettes?
Mario: I got it! I got it!
Kirby: No, those are baby wipes!
(The Pirates start frantically running around the cruisehip. Lazlo starts to look a little concerned as he realizes that he is truly running away from He. As the cruisehip pulls out of the harbor, it bumps a small boat.)
Dexter: Sorry!
(Bumps another one)
Dexter: My fault!
(Once the ship is out of the harbor, it starts sailing smoothly.)
Dexter (Narrating): Even though we'd never sailed before, we took to it like a fish to water!
(We cut to Mario using his spyglass in the crow's next.)
Mario: Thar she blows!
Kirby: Where?
(Eyes a ping pong ball.)
Mario: Right there, next to the grill.
Kirby: Got it!
Dexter: 6-0!
(Lazlo stands at the other side of the ping-pong table as Dexter serves him the ball. The ping pong ball bounces past him and onto the floor.)
Dexter: 7-0! That's the skunk! I win!
Mario & Kirby: Yeah! Yippee!
Dexter: What do you say Lazlo? Two out of three?
Lazlo: Ah, no. I'm done.
Dexter: Argh! When we get to Tarshish, Ho-ho's on me!
Mario and Kirby: Yeah! Yippee! (cheering in unison) We winny at the ping pong! We get the ho-ho and the ding dong! Ding Dong!
Dexter (Narrating): Once we finally got out to sea, Lazlo went below deck to rest a bit.
(Cut to ship's hold. Dark and musty. Bags of grape leaves on floor, barrels of who-knows-what. Two bunks hang off one wall - one over the other. Light comes from several oil lanterns, plus some natural light down ladder from above deck and through cracks in planking above. Lazlo enters and looks around.)
Lazlo: Oh, what have I done? What have I done?
(Lazlo puts two bags of Mr. Twisty's Twisted Cheese Curls on a bench and uses them as pillows. As he starts to lie down, he suddenly hears a voice from seemingly nowhere.)
Motivational Tape: You are powerful and attractive.
Lazlo: What?! Who's there?
Motivational tape: You do not run from your problems, but confront them face to face.
Lazlo: Aaaahh!! The bag! It speaks!
(As Lazlo throws the bag to the lantern, the lantern swings the bag and it falls onto a barrel.)
Mystery Creature: Ow! What did you do that for?
Lazlo: Mr. Twisty?! Who's there? Show yourself!
(The mystery creature moves around. As Lazlo looks at the bag, the creature pops out of the bag, spilling cheese curls. Lazlo sees a caterpillar named Raj, with headphones.)
Raj: Hello.
Lazlo: What are you?
Raj: Who me? Oh, my name is Raj. I am an elephant. Well, that is only half true. My mother was a elephant, my father was a rhino. But I am okay with that now.
Lazlo: Kaleel?
Raj: It's Raj. You've got to get your foot into it. (He removes a cheese curl from his foot, falls over, but gets up) I bet you are wondering why I am here.
Lazlo: Ah, you tidy up around the ship.
Raj: Oh no, I do not work on this ship. I am a small business operator, a traveling salesman. I sell Persian rugs door to door. (He shows his cart full of tiny rugs) See?
Lazlo: Oh, lovely.
Raj: By the way, do you know where this ship is going?
Lazlo: Yes, Tarshish.
Raj: Tarshish? (gasps) What a trip! You know, that may be just what I need. The Persian rug business has not been going very well around here but I still have a positive mental attitude, because of my motivational tapes.
(He puts on the headphones.)
Motivational Tape: You are a skilled metal worker.
Raj: I am a skilled metal worker? Oh, I did not know that!
Lazlo: Yes, that's lovely, Carlyle, but if you don't mind, I think I'll just get some rest.
Raj: Lazlo?
Lazlo: Huh?
Raj: You are Lazlo!
Lazlo: You know me?
Raj: Of course I do! You are the most famous prophet in the whole world!
Lazlo: Well, I- I don't know if I'm-
Raj: I sell your licensed merchandise! Look-look-look! (He shows two examples of merchandise.) I have the Lazlo rugs, the Lazlo plush toy, with sound chip! (pokes it)
Lazlo Plush Toy: A Message from the Lord! A Message from the Lord!
Lazlo: Well, I'm flattered-
Raj: You are huge! You are a celebrity!
Lazlo: We-e-el, I-
Raj: From town to town, delivering He's messages! What a life! You are a big shot!
Lazlo: Oh no, it's-
Raj: A man He can count on to deliver his messages!
Lazlo: Yes, well-
Raj: You and He are like peas in a pod, like two humps on a camel! You'll always sway the same way! (laughs) Oh, that is a good one, you know humor runs very deep in my family. My uncle was a big star back at the comedy club in Antartica, The Taj Maha-ha, standing room only, and then he was hit with a fish. I'm telling you, those people do not know right from wrong.
Lazlo: Oh, Antartica.
Raj: Hm? You are sad now, my friend? Something about Antartica makes you feel sad inside?
Lazlo: I don't really want to talk about it. I just need some rest.
Raj: Oh, you do not have to tell me.
Lazlo: Good.
Raj: Because I already know.
Lazlo: You do?
Raj: Oh, yes. There is a Teen Girl in Antartica, is there not? A beautiful young monkey, she is waiting there for you, no?
Lazlo: Uh, no.
Raj: You were promised to be married, but your job is now in the way. The Teen Girl's father is the head of an international ring of camel thieves! This very day you set sail for Tarshish to deliver a message that will break the back of the camel thieves, but in the process will break the heart of the Teen Girl you love! (Pause; Lazlo looks confused) Insight runs very deep in my family. Do not worry, the first one is free.
Lazlo: Please, Carlyle, I just need to get some rest.
Raj: It's Raj, but you can call me Carlyle if you want to. When we get to Tarshish, you can deliver the message, and I'll sell the plush toys! We can be a team!
Lazlo Plush Toy: A Message... (The toy's voice chip dies down. Raj whacks it) From the Lord!
(Lazlo puts one of the bags over his head.)
Lazlo: Oh...
Raj: Well, sweet dreams, traveling buddy. We can make our plans to save those camels tomorrow.
Motivational Tape: You are a go-getter.
(Lazlo dreams he's in a completely white place almost similar to the Sea of Nothing from Yellow Submarine. He comes across Edward Platypus' booth.)
Lazlo: Yes, which way is Tarshish?
Edward Platypus: Right this way. Ya can't miss it.
Lazlo: Oh, thank you.
(Lazlo then starts toward Tarshish)
Voice: Lazlo!
Lazlo: What, who is it?
Voice: Lazlo! Where are you going?
Lazlo: Oh, it's you Lord. Uh, I'm g-going to, ah, I'm going-
Voice: Lazlo!
Lazlo: I'm sorry, I can't hear you!
Voice: Lazlo!
Lazlo: I can't hear you! La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-
Voice: Lazlo!
Lazlo: (steps in water) I can't- hear you!
Voice: Lazlo!
(Lightning flashes and Lazlo's dream ends.)
Dexter: Lazlo! Lazlo! Lazlo!
Lazlo: No! I-I-I can't hear you!
Dexter: Come on, wake up! We've got trouble!
(A huge storm rages outside. Also it turns out the ship has sprung a leak.)
Lazlo: What? What's happening?
Dexter: We're in a storm! Like I've never seen before, and if we don't do something quick, we're gonna sink!
Raj: We've seem to have sprung a leak, traveling buddy!
Dexter: Huh? Hey! What are you doing here? Didn't I tell you to get off my ship, you lousy leaf-eater?
Raj: Well, yes, but you see, my new friend and I are going to Tarshish to break the back of the camel thieves! (Dexter turns to Lazlo, who just rolls his eyes) Crime fighting runs very deep in my family.
Dexter: Why if it wasn't for this storm, I'd make you walk the plank. (to Lazlo) And you! How can you sleep at a time like this?
Lazlo: What's going on?
Dexter: I'll tell you what's going on: We're all gonna be fish food if I don't get some help.
Lazlo: Well, what can we do?
Dexter: Oh, get up and pray to your He, and that He'll have mercy on us and spare our lives! (falls over but gets up) Oy! Somebody up there must be really upset with somebody down here. Wait a minute. That's it! All right, you two, follow me!
(Above deck, the storm is raging on. Meanwhile, Mario and Kirby are playing Go Fish.)
Kirby: You got electric eel?
Mario: Nope. Go fish! One more card!
Kirby: You're one cheating buccaneer.
Mario: How am I supposed to cheat at go fish?
Kirby: I don't know.
Dexter: All right, you lazies! Game over, shuffle them up and deal us in!
Mario: But...
Kirby: He-he-he!
Dexter: Okay, here's the deal. The way I see it, there's a reason for this storm. Somebody up there is really upset with somebody down here, and it ain't gonna let up, until we know who that somebody is! It could be any one of us! I have my suspicions! But we won't know for sure until we figure it out scientifically. Okay, men, go fish! Loser takes a swim!
(Dexter, Lazlo, Kirby, Mario and Raj then start to play)
Dexter: You got a perch?
Kirby: Nope.
Mario: You have any pickerel?
Kirby: Nope.
(One of the players matches a pair of yellow seahorses)
Kirby: You got a... muskellunge?
Dexter: Nope! Go Fish!
Lazlo: Oh, dear!
Raj: I am most desperate for a lobster.
Dexter: Sorry.
Mario: (takes another card) Drat!
Kirby: He-he-he. (pulls out to reveal that there are seven cards) Oh!
(Mario takes another card. As the game progresses, one player reveals a pair of purple jellyfish, another reveals two red pufferfish, and Raj reveals two blue bass. Lazlo has one card left)
Kirby: Got any bass?
Dexter: (depressed) Yeah.
(Dexter's bass matches with Mr. King's. Lazlo takes another two cards, Raj has eight cards left)
Kirby: Octopus?
Mario: Blue Gil?
Dexter: Tuna?
Raj: Halibut?
(Dexter reveals two yellow eels, Kirby reveals two purple octopuses, and Mario has two seahorses. Lazlo and Raj are still playing)
Raj: You got any trout?
(Lazlo hands his trout to Raj)
Raj: (reveals two yellow whales, one of them is upside-down) Hmm? Oh, what a goose I am! It's a match! I had it all along!
(Lazlo has one card left)
Dexter: Huh? I thought for sure...
Lazlo: (quoting The End of Silliness?) All right, I admit it. It's my fault, all my fault! I'm the one to blame!
Dexter: But, I- The worm.
Lazlo: I am a Hebrew. And I worship the Lord, the He of heaven, who made the sea and the land. And I'm running away with him! (Kirby and Raj gasp) He told me to go to Antartica, but I didn't listen! You know, I don't like those people.
Kirby: Ooh, fish slappers.
Lazlo: Yes! So I ran. I ran and I ended up here. And now everyone's in terrible danger all because of me. I'm afraid the only thing left is to be thrown into the sea.
Mario: Oh, you don't have to do that! We've got a plank! You can just walk off!
Lazlo: Yes, thank you. You're too kind.
Dexter: Well, Lazlo old buddy, it was nice knowing ya! Normally you'd be entitled to a refund, but under the circumstances, y'know, with you dying and all...
Lazlo: No, I don't suppose a refund would do me much good now, would it?
Dexter: Ah, thanks! You're a trooper. Ain't he a trooper?
(Lazlo looks down to Raj)
Raj: But... the camels...
Lazlo: Ooh...
Kirby: Hey! Wait a minute! I just remembered something! Maybe you don't have to walk the plank, after all!
All: Huh?
(Cuts to the cover sheet.)
Kirby: Every winter, my cousin from Moose Lake asks me to take care of this!
(He reveals a boat engine.)
Both: Ooh!
Mario: Cool.
Dexter: What is it?
Kirby: This my friends, is a Jupiter 1600 horsepower, high-octane, dual propeller, pull ignition, outboard motor, with the optional chrome trim package.
Both: Ooh!
Mario: Cool.
Dexter: What is it?
Kirby: It gets us back to Cincinatti.
Dexter: Oh.
Lazlo: Well, how does it work?
Kirby: That? I don't know.
Raj: Perhaps I can help. You know, technical competency runs-
Lazlo (interrupting): I know, very deep in your family.
Raj: Oh! Our reputation precedes us! Well then... it appears that one should pull the cord and then perhaps push this black bubbly thingy... Oh.. no... Maybe it's the other way around. Perhaps if one first pushes the black bubbly thingy and then pulls the cord... (the motors start up; the others gasp in joy) See?
(the motor suddenly breaks loose and chases everyone as Raj watches. Soon, the Mario, Kirby, & Dexter chase after the out-of-control motor. Finally, the motor jumps off the deck and into the sea.)
Kirby: Yep. That's how it works.
(They all look back and glare at Raj.)
Raj: It has been delightful. But I must go now.
(Lazlo then looks terrified. Cut to him standing on the plank while wearing a ducky inner tube while the Mario, Kirby, & Dexter and Raj watch with worry)
Dexter: Oh Lord, don't let us die for this man's sin, and don't hold us responsible for his death, because it wasn't our fault! Oh Lord, you have sent this storm upon him for your own good reason!
Mario: And keep my ducky safe.
Both: Amen.
(Lazlo jumps off the plank and into the sea. Seconds later, the storm immediately stops. Everyone stands silently for a few seconds.)
Dexter: That was easy.
Kirby: Well, should we pull him back in?
Dexter: I don't see why not.
(They throw a life ring overboard, but it doesn't catch Lazlo. We then get a POV under the sea.)
Lazlo: Something touched me! There's something in the water!
(As music similar to the Jaws theme plays, a giant creature swims beneath Lazlo and the ship.)
Dexter: Hurry up, hurry!
Kirby: I'm hurrying!
Dexter: Hold on, Lazlo! (to Kirby) Aim this time!
Kirby: I was aiming!
Dexter: I can never tell where you're looking...
Kirby: You should talk.
Lazlo: Hurry! Fellows, please!
Dexter: Pull it back in. Hurry!
Kirby: Okay, okay! I got it!
Dexter: Let me do that!
Kirby: No, no! I'll throw it.
Lazlo: Fellows, please!
Dexter: Come on, give it here!
Kirby: I said I got it!
Mario: Excuse me, gentlemen. Perhaps I can be of some assistance.
(He takes the life ring, spins and throws it overboard. And this time, it catches Lazlo. Dexter, Kirby and Lazlo gasp happily. Mario smiles proudly. Lazlo's smile quickly drops when a huge, yellow whale rises out of the water with its mouth open. Suddenly, it closes its mouth, swallowing Lazlo alive before sinking back down into the ocean.)
Mario: Oops.
(Because the whale swallowed Lazlo, it also swallowed the life ring, which was tied to the ship. Suddenly, the whale pulls the ship along with it. The Pirates fall back and roll across the deck like logs. Dexter suddenly gets up.)
Dexter: Bring out the cannon!
Kirby: Aye-aye, captain!
(The cannon rises out of the floor and positions itself)
Kirby: We ain't got no ammo!
(Mario looks over and spots some garden items)
Mario: Oh, yes we do!
Dexter: Fire one!
(A tennis net pops out of the cannon. It does no good unfortunately.)
Dexter: Fire two!
(Two croquet mallets pop out of the cannon. Just like the tennis net, they do no good either. Mario looks around for something else to fire. He eyes a bowling bag with a red bowling ball in it. As he puts it in the cannon, Raj pops out of one of the holes with a cup of tea.)
Raj: Hello?
Dexter: Fire three!
(The bowling ball is fired out.)
Raj: IIIIII'MMM COMIIIIING, TRAVELING BUDDYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!
(The Pirates watch as the bowling ball flies away above the ocean.)
Raj: Traveling buddy! (whistles) Where are you?
(The whale suddenly emerges from the ocean, opens its mouth and swallows the ball. After that, it spits out the life ring before landing back in the ocean. The Mario, Kirby, & Dexter wait anxiously for a sign their friend is safe. The ducky inner tube suddenly emerges from the ocean. Mario smiles at first, but it quickly drops. The Pirates become disappointed they couldn't save their friend. Unbeknownst to them, he's still alive as we fade to inside the whale where Lazlo sits on an old shipwreck moping about what he did. He then looks up to see the red bowling ball roll up to him.)
Lazlo: Oh look, a bowling ball. If I could only find some pins.
Raj: (from inside) You found better than that, traveling buddy! (emerges) It's me!
Lazlo: Oh my.
Raj: So forget about Tarshish. All we need to do is get this whale to swim to Antartica! You give the message, I sell the plush toys! We'll be right back on track.
Lazlo: Carlyle, please don't speak to me. I'm having a rather bad day.
Raj: Well you don't need to be so down about it, Mr. Grumpy-Pants.
Lazlo: Look around you! We're inside a whale! We're going to be digested! Do you know what that means?
Raj: Of course I do! Digestion runs very deep in my family. I'm just trying to have a positive outlook, you know! You know the difference between you and me is that you see the whale as half empty, but I see the whale as half full!
Lazlo: I don't know what that means.
Raj: Neither do I.
(Lazlo turns away and sits down forlornly.)
Lazlo: Oh! I might as well face it. He gave me a job to do and I disobeyed him. I ran the other way! I've done something terrible and now I'm getting what I deserve. I'm going to die here in this whale.
(Raj tries to say something, but stops as he sees Lazlo feeling down. Things look hopeless for the two, when suddenly...)
Angel 3: Have you ever see anything so Pathetic?
Angel 1: Mmm-mmm. This boy needs some help.
Lazlo: What? Who's there?
Angel 1: Take it easy, Lazlo. We're on your side.
Lazlo: Wha- How did you know my name? How did you get in here?
Raj: Were you in the bowling ball too?
Angel 3: Uh, no, that's not how we get around. No, we came straight from the big man Himself.
Lazlo: You mean-
Angel 2: Mmm-hmm. And just like you, we deliver His messages.
Lazlo: So, you're prophets, too?
Angel 3: Mm, not exactly. You see, we work on a slightly higher level.
Lazlo: Y-You do?
Angel 2: And Lazlo, we've got a message for you.
(Second Chances begins)
Angel 1: You're feelin' pretty blue. You didn't do what He requested.
Angel 2: Yeah, I'd be mopin' too, if I was gonna be digested
Angel 3: This ain't a pretty picture, no I said, it ain't a pretty sight, no
Angel 1: You ran from He this morning and you're
Everyone: Whale! Chow! Tonight!
Angel 1: But..
Everyone: Hold up, hang on
Angel 2: Not so fast, your life ain't over yet
Angel 3: See, we're here to tell you all about
Angel 1: The forgiveness that
Everyone: You. Can. Get.
(The song's pace picks up.)
Angel 2: You see He's a He of mercy
Angel 1: He's a He of love
Everyone: And right now, He's gonna lend a helping hand from up above! (More angels appear in the whale.) Praise the Lord, He's the He of second chances. You'll be floored how his love your life enhances! You can be restored from your darkest circumstances. Our He is a He of second chances!
Angel 3: Ain't it good to know a He who gives a second chance?
Raj: Why, that's enough to get a smile from Mr. Grumpy-Pants
Angel 1: So, if you say you're sorry for all the stuff you do
Angel 2: Know that He'll be ready with a second chance for you!
Everyone: Praise the Lord, He's the He of second chances! You'll be floored how His love your life enhances. You can be restored from your darkest circumstances. Our He is a He of second chances! Our He is a He! If you believe He's love is true, then you should know what you should do. If you believe He's love is true, then you should know what you should do. If you believe He's love is true, then you should know what you should do. If you believe, He's love is true, then you should know what you should do. He gives a second chance!
Angel 1: Second chances!
Angel 3: Second chances
Angel 1: Praise the Lord, He's the He of second chances! You'll be floored when you're restored from your- Everyone: -Darkest circumstances
Angel 1: Our He is a He!
Everyone: Second chances.
Angel 2: Second chances!
Angel 3: Praise the Lord, He is the He of second chances!
Angel 1: You'll be floored when you're restored from your-
Everyone: Darkest circumstances! Our He is a He!
Angel: Second chances
Everyone: If you believe He's love is true, then you should know what you should do. If you believe, He's love is true, Then you should know what you should do.
Angel 2: Second chances!
Angel 3: Second chances!
Angel 1: Praise the Lord, He's the He of second chances! You'll be floored when you're restored from your- Everyone: -Darkest circumstances! Our He is a He! (second chances!) Our He is a He! (Yeah!) Our He is a He! Second chances, second chances, second chances, second chances, second chances. (We see Edward with Clam in a rowboat. Edward Platypus can hear the singing, but just barely.) Yea-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-aaaaaaaaaah!
(Wipe back to the Great Wolf Lodge restaurant)
Dexter: So from inside the whale, Lazlo prayed and asked He to forgive him for not obeying. He told He that if he got another chance, he would go to Antartica, even though he didn't like those people very much.
Clarence: So did he get another chance?
Dexter: Shouldn't you be looking out for your tow truck?
Clarence: Yeah yeah yeah, that can wait. Did Lazlo get another chance?
Dexter: Well, He saw that Lazlo needed help, and He wanted to help him.
Billy: That's compassion!
Clarence: But did He give him a second chance even though he didn't deserve it? You know, mercy?
Dexter: After three days, Lazlo noticed something strange happening.
(Fade to underwater where the whale, feeling rather sick, spits Lazlo out. After he and Raj land on the beach, they are greeted by Reginald, who just so happened to know where Lazlo would be.)
Lazlo: Oh, Reginald. Good to see you. Yes, well...
(Soon, the three trek across the desert.)
Dexter (narrating): So He told the whale to burp up Lazlo, and Lazlo got his second chance. (Lazlo passes by some signs, one of which tells visitors of Antartica they are welcome to leave.) And just like he promised, he headed straight for Antartica!
(Lazlo and Raj then enter the canyon leading to Antartica. Lazlo looks around, uncomfortably. Then a noise from up ahead gets his attention.)
Crazed Man (hysterical): Turn back! Turn back! Turn back!! (The man runs right by Lazlo.) The slapping! The slapping! (He runs into an outcrop on the canyon wall) Turn back! Turn back! Turn back!
(Lazlo and Raj keep going until they reach the city of Antartica. They then approach the gates.)
Lazlo: Go in, give the message, get out. Go in, give the message, get out.
Guard 1: Who goes there?!
(Lazlo stops and sees two pea guards who point their fish spears at him)
Lazlo: Ah, yes. My name is Lazlo, and I'm a prophet from-
Guard #2: You're not from here, are you?
Lazlo: Um, no, you see, I'm from-
Guard #1: That would make you a stranger, wouldn't it?
Lazlo: Well, um, yes. I suppose so, but I-
Guard #2: We don't like strangers!
Lazlo: No-, yes, I've heard that. But you see I have a-
Guard #1: So why're you here?!
Lazlo: Well, I have a message.
Guard #1: A message? For who?
Lazlo: Well, for everyone! For the whole city!
Guard #1: You've got a message for the whole city?!
Guard #2: The whole city?!
Guard #1: Oh, that's rich!
Guard #2: Heh, heh! I'll alert the king! "Your honor! A bleached spidermonkey has a message for us all!"
Guard #1: Most important!
Raj: I do not think this is going very well.
Lazlo: Oh, let's just go home. I did what you said. I guess it just wasn't meant to be.
Dexter: Lazlo?
Lazlo: What?
(Lazlo sees the Pirates have made it to Antartica. They exit the gate wearing cheese curl hats.)
Raj: It is our friends from the ship!
(Lazlo jumps off from Reginald.)
Lazlo: What on earth? What are you doing here?
Mario: What are you doing here?
Kirby: Yeah, you're were, you're were...
Dexter: Fish food!
Raj: The whale spit us out like so much bad couscous, and here we are now! Delivering the message to Antartica!
Lazlo: But they wouldn't let us in, so I guess we're going home.
Kirby: Hey, I bet we could get him in.
Lazlo: Huh?
(Later, the guards notice someone.)
Guard #1: Hey, look! It's the cheese curls blokes! Comin' back for a visit, are ya?
Mario, Kirby, & Dexter: Yep!
(The guards then notices Lazlo.)
Guard #1: Ahem - is this fella with you?
Dexter: Oh, yes! He's with us!
Guard #1: You're with them, eh?
Lazlo: Yes, indeed! Why, I sailed halfway across the world with these... fine... gentlemen.
Guard #1: Alright. You can come in. Enjoy your stay in Antartica.
Lazlo: What was that all about? How did you do that?
Dexter: Remember that money you gave us? By the way, you aren't gonna want that refund, are ya?
Lazlo: Ah...
Dexter: Good, cuz we spent it! Every last penny! On cheese curls!
Lazlo: Cheese curls?
Kirby: Yep! 1458 bags of Mr. Twisty's Twisted Cheese Curls.
Mario: And you'll never guess what we found in bag 497.
Dexter: The golden ticket. We won the Mr. Twisty's Twisted Cheese Curl Sweepstakes! (Belches)
Lazlo: Uh, huh. And the prize was?
Dexter: Mmm hmm. But in addition to our enviably fashionable headgear, we also got a tour of Mister Twisty's factory - right here in Antartica! (The group enters the crowded market area, where everyone is slapping each other with fishes, just as He said.) Which, despite its unseemly location, was a splendid experience!
Mario: And, believe it or not, in this town we are famous!
Kirby: Hey, look! Here comes a city official to greet us!
Dexter: Hello! We were in the neighborhood, so we thought we'd-
City Official: These are the men! Arrest them at once!
Dexter: But... (he looks terrified)
Lazlo: Excuse me. What have they done?
City Official: Thievery! High theft against the Royal City of Antartica!
Kirby: That's ridiculous!
City Official: Oh, is it?!?
(He grabs Mario and takes off his cheese curl hat, revealing several cheese curl bags.)
Mario: No, wait! I thought there were free samples!
City Official: Take them away!
Lazlo: You can't do that!
City Official: I'm sorry, are you with these men?
Lazlo: Well, um... yes, I suppose... (Lazlo sees a guard approaching him swiftly) Hello... What are you doing?
(The guard smacks him with the fish; cut to Lazlo as the bag is being taken off of him as he sees the Arctic People gathered)
Lazlo: Oh, wonderful! It must be time for my speech.
Dexter: (bag is taken off) Hey, I-I can't move!
Kirby: (bag is taken off) I can't move either!
(Another bag is taken off Mario as he struggles to move. Raj is seen tied up with Lazlo as he notices to ropes holding a flat metal fish above Dexter and Lunt; he gasps)
Dexter: What? Have I got something on my face?
(He sees another metal fish above Lazlo and gasps; Mario sees both metal fish and both of them gasp)
Lazlo: This doesn't look good.
Mario: I'm sorry guys, I thought they were free samples. They were right out there in the open in a big bowl! Very misleading!
Dexter: Oh, don't go blaming yourself.
Kirby: (referring to Dexter) No, blame him! "Let's put it all in cheese curls," he says. "No," I say, "we need a balanced portfolio, a little stock, a little bunce, a little cash or cash equivalence, and then maybe some snacks." But no, "put it all in cheese curls," he says. Man, you gotta plan for the future.
Dexter: What? It got us here, didn't it? Not here literally, but- (breathes heavily) We were somebody! We were celebrities!
Kirby: We are going to die!
(fanfare)
City Official: People of Antartica! These four men and that small, whatever it is!
Raj: I am a caterpillar! Well, that is only half true.
City Official: Have been found guilty of high thievery against the royal city of Antartica. For their punishment: The Slap of No Return!
(All of the Arctic People laugh.)
Mario: What's so funny?
City Official: Observe!
(Some Arctic People bring out a pumpkin with a happy face and a scared face drawn on it. They place it on a stand for demonstration. Once in position, the executioner cuts the rope, sending the giant fish down and squishing the pumpkin. Lazlo and the Pirates witness this and cry out in terror.)
Raj: What is happening that is making you all cry like little babies?
Lazlo: Why the Heck do you take snack food so seriously?!?
(fanfare)
City Official: People of Antartica, I give you, King Twistomer!
(King Twistomer appears)
Dexter: It's Mr. Twisty!
Lazlo: Well, that explains it.
Mario: He looks happier on the bag.
City Official: Your royal goodliness... These are the perpetrators of the heinous act against your curls of cheese! For their punishment... The Slap of No Return!
(All of the Arctic People laugh again.)
King Twistomer: Proceed.
Lazlo: Wait! Won't you at least give the guilty parties the chance to speak in their own defense?!
King Twistomer: You may speak.
Lazlo: Well, as I understand it, the snacks in question were right out in the open, in a large bowl! I think we'll all agree this was somewhat misleading... Don't you think?
(beat)
King Twistomer: Slap them.
Lazlo: No! You don't understand! I'm not really with them! I mean, how could I be? While they were taking the tour, I was in the belly of a whale!
(Before the executioner cuts the rope, he stops.)
City Official: What did you say?
Lazlo: I said, while they were on their tour, I was in the belly of the whale!
(All of the Arctic People gasp.)
City Official: But, you're not dead.
Lazlo: No, that's just it! I was in the whale for three days and nights! And then I prayed to my He and the great monster spit me up on the shore, so that I could bring you all a message!
King Twistomer: Hmm. Mr, Spidermonkey, here in Antartica we bow to the Great Fish. We celebrate the Great Fish in our art.
Lazlo: Yes. I noticed.
King Twistomer: If what you are saying is true...
City Official: Yes, how do we know if he is telling the truth, sire?
King Twistomer: Smell him.
City Official: Your highness?
King Twistomer: Smell him!
(The city official proceeds to do so and is disgusted)
Lazlo: I-I'm terribly sorry. I'm meaning to shower but...
(The official faints)
King Twistomer: He has been in the Great Fish. We must hear the message.
Lazlo: What? Oh. The Message. Yes. The message. Ah. What was the message? It's been so long. I... Yes. (clears throat) STOP IT! (All Arctic People gasp) Stop cheating, stop lying and especially stop slapping people with fishes, or this entire city will be destroyed! A Message From the Lord.
(Raj claps for him and the Pirates smile.)
Dexter (narrating): Well, the king was very upset. He had no idea they weren't supposed to do that stuff. No one ever told him before.
(King Twistomer writes something down while Lazlo, Raj and the Pirates watch and wait; the pea guard then brings the scroll to the official)
City Official: A decree from the king: Let everyone call urgently to He. Let them give up their evil ways and their violence. Perhaps the He that brought this man out of the great fish will give us a second chance.
(The Arctic People cheer, and Lazlo, Raj and the Pirates are happy to hear this)
King Twistomer: And let the Spidermonkey and his friends go free.
(The Arctic People do just that.)
Dexter (narrating): So the king and the people of Antartica said they were sorry, stopped the fish-slapping and started being nice to people...
Numbuh 3: Wow! That's great!
Billy: Yeah! Everyone musta been really happy, right?
Dexter: Well, almost everyone.
(We cut to Lazlo riding on Reginald towards the city exit with the Pirates following behind. While the citizens are cheering for him, Lazlo looks rather sour. Raj, on the other hand, happily accepts the reception.)
Lazlo: Yes, thank you. Thank you. So long. Yes, thank you very much.
Raj: Thank you! Thank you!
(As they exit, Lazlo says goodbye to the Mario, Kirby, & Dexter as they go their separate ways.)
Dexter (Narrating): Ya see, Lazlo figured He wouldn't really forgive the Arctic People. I mean, they'd done some terrible stuff! No, he figured He had something else in mind.
(We fade to Lazlo arriving on a cliff east of the city. He hops off Reginald and sits at the edge, watching over the city with a giant grin on his face. At first, Raj happily joins in, but eventually gets confused. After about 14 seconds of silence, Raj finally speaks up.)
Raj: What are we doing?
Lazlo: Oh, it's time to watch the fun!
Raj: ...And what fun would that be?
Lazlo: Well, I did what I was supposed to do. I warned them that they were going to get in big trouble! So, now that they've had their warning, it's time to watch He wipe them off the face of the earth!! Aha!
(Raj is still confused, and a little concerned, but Lazlo doesn't take notice. He leans closer to Raj.)
Lazlo: I picked a safe distance so we won't get singed.
(Raj is now even more concerned. As time goes by, the hot sun continues to beat down on Lazlo, causing him to sweat. His happiness is starting to fade away, both from the fact that nothing's happening, and the uncomfortable heat. However, he quickly shakes it off.)
Lazlo: Oh, this is going to be great! The bad guys finally getting what they deserve!
(He continues to watch eagerly. As he begins to wilt, something shades him.)
Dexter (Narrating): So Lazlo waited for He to destroy Antartica. Even now, He was compassionate towards Lazlo, and caused a plant to grow that shaded him from the hot sun.
Lazlo: Hm?
(As Lazlo looks behind him, he sees a giant plant covering him. Now comfortable and satisfied, he leans up against it.)
Lazlo: Oh, yes! Very nice! Thank you! Very nice!
(As Raj watches him, he notices a giant leaf sticking out the back of the plant and walks towards it. Lazlo continues to watch, but starts becoming impatient.)
Dexter (Narrating): Lazlo kept waiting, but it didn't seem like anything was happening. He wondered if maybe He was forgetting something.
(He gets up and looks towards He. As he does, the plant begins to shake.)
Lazlo: Alright! I did my job! So...fire, brimstone, whatever, you pick, right over there! I'll just sit here under my weed and wait.
(As Lazlo sits down, he suddenly falls backwards. He looks around, confused, as the plant begins to wither.)
Lazlo: W..What happened?
(He suddenly sees Raj munching on a leaf. He innocently hides the leaf behind his back.)
Lazlo: What?! How could you?!?
Raj: Hm? All your whining made me hungry. It was just a weed.
Lazlo: Just a weed?! It...it was my shade! It was my friend!
(Lazlo flops to the ground melodramatically.)
Lazlo: Oh, dear Lord, how could you let this happen?! (sobbing)
(Raj is completely perplexed and angry at Lazlo's childishness, causing him to snap.)
Raj: Would you look at yourself?! You care more about that weed than about all the people in Antartica!
(Lazlo sits up.)
Lazlo: Well, I-
Raj: Why are you here now instead of back in the belly of that whale?
(Lazlo opens his mouth to speak, but only lets out a meek gasp.)
Raj: Because He is compassionate! He wanted to help you! And because He is merciful, He gave you a second chance!
Lazlo: Oh, ho, ho, yes! And I'm very grateful-
Raj: Has it ever occurred to you that maybe He loves everybody, not just you? That maybe He wants to give everyone a second chance?
Lazlo: Uh, well...
Raj: He saw that those people needed help, that they didn't know right from wrong, and He wanted to help them! And that is why He sent you!
Lazlo: Ah...
(Raj walks to the edge of the cliff.)
Raj: And when you told them what they were doing wrong, they said they were sorry! They put down their mackerels and their halibuts, and they asked He for a second chance, and by golly, He gave them one! Don't you see? He wants to give everyone a second chance, and so should we.
(Lazlo isn't sure how to react to this. He angrily pouts as he ponders this.)
Lazlo: Well...i..if they get a second chance, those fish-slappers, well, then...it would be better if I were dead!
(Lazlo flops backwards and begins throwing a tantrum.)
Lazlo: Oh, I wish I were back in that whale! (sobbing)
(Raj is absolutely done with Lazlo's foolishness.)
Raj: You are Pathetic.
(As Lazlo continues to sob, Raj starts walking away.)
Raj: Y'know, Patience runs very deep in my family, but not that deep. I am out of here!
(Lazlo notices this, and sits up.)
Lazlo: W..what? What are you doing?!
(Raj stops and turns around.)
Raj: I wanted to be big and important, just like you. But the world doesn't need more people who are big and important, the world needs more people who are nice, and compassionate, and merciful!...That's what I want to be. You can find yourself a new travelling buddy. Goodbye!
(Raj resumes walking away, as Lazlo stares in disbelief.)
Lazlo: W..y...You can't just leave!!
Raj: Can and am!
(Reginald begins to walk away as well.)
Lazlo: B..but who will I talk to? You can't just leave me here all alone!...Hello?
(We cut to an overhead shot, craning upwards, as Lazlo begs for them to come back, looking more and more alone the further they get. Because Reginald is faster, he gives time for Raj to catch up with him.)
Lazlo: Carlyle? Reginald? Carlyle? Raj? Raj? Raj?! Ohhhhh.....
(The camera switches back to Dexter)
Dexter: The end. 
(Dexter slams his divider shut. Everyone is confused including Clarence.)
Clarence: Wait a minute. It's over?
Dexter: Yep.
Clarence: That's how it ends?
Dexter: Yep.
Billy: But what did Lazlo learn?
Kirby: The question, my friends, is not "what did Lazlo learn". The question is "What did you learn?".
Billy: Well, I learned that we need to help people who need help... And we need to give second chances. Even if they don't deserve them. But what's that got to do with us?
Dexter: Hey... Clarence...
Clarence: Eh?
Dexter: Your friend there... my friend's brother. If I'm not mistaken, he didn't do such a good job helping you with the map.
Clarence: Oh, it was a disaster! He said he was sorry and that he'd do better next time, but no way! Uh uh! I- Oh. Mercy. I guess everyone deserves a second chance.
Dexter: Yup! Now get outa here before my crab legs get cold!
Luigi: You know, that still wasn't a very good way to end a story!
Dexter: Well, whadya want? A big musical number?!?
Luigi: Well... yeah!
Dexter: Who do they think I am, Lazlo (as Twippo)?
Voice: Yes?
(Several Cartoon Characters look up, as they recognize the voice. They turn in their seats and peer over the booth to the entry-way, where they see none other than Lazlo (as Twippo himself!)
Cartoon Characters: Lazlo (as Twippo)!
(Lazlo (as Twippo) smiles - a little apprehensively. Cartoon Characters rush him - Clarence in front.)
Clarence: What are you doing here?!?
Lazlo (as Twippo): Well, I've got a concert tonight, but I'm running late! Can't find Route 59 to save my life! So I stopped here for directions.
Billy: We're going to your concert tonight! At least we were...
Clarence: And then... porcupines!
Luigi: And underwear!
Ami Onuki: And These Guys!
Clarence: And now it looks like we aren't going to make it at all.
Lazlo (as Twippo): Good heavens! Well, if it's a ride you need, I've got plenty of room in my bus. You can all come with me!
(Everyone is excited except Numbuh 3)
Numbuh 3: Yeah, everyone but me.
(Billy notices Numbuh 3 and walks to her)
Billy: Numbuh 3... You can have my ticket.
Numbuh 3: But Billy, it was my fault.
(Billy simply smiles and lifts the ticket up to her once again. Numbuh 3 looks tenderly at Billy and smiles. Everyone smiles - amazed. Score swells. Lazlo (as Twippo) is impressed.)
Lazlo (as Twippo): Why that was a very merciful thing to do! Tell you what, I'll give you all a ride to the concert, and I'll make sure you all have backstage passes! (everyone cheers in delight) Speaking of mercy, have any of you heard of the story of a man named... Lazlo?
All: Yes.
Lazlo (as Twippo): Oh, well, uh, would you like to hear a song about it?
Numbuh 4: Is it like the Bald kitty song?
Lazlo (as Twippo): Ah, not really. It's more of a big musical number.
Luigi: Perfect!
(Next camera switches to Lazlo (as Twippo).)
(The song begins with Lazlo Was a Prophet.)
Lazlo (as Twippo)
When I was a boy I went to church back home in Arizona
And it was there I learned the tale of a man whose name was Lazlo
Now Lazlo was a prophet, but that's not why he's remembered
They tell the tale, Cause in a whale he nearly was dismembered!
Mario, Kirby, & Dexter
Lazlo was a prophet (Lazlo (as Twippo): Oo-ooh)
But he really never got it (Lazlo (as Twippo): Sad but true)
And if you watch him you can spot it (Lazlo (as Twippo): A-doodley-doo)
He did not get the point!
Lazlo (as Twippo)
Compassion and mercy from me to you and you to me
Exactly what He wants to see and yes that is the point!
Mario, Kirby, & Dexter
Lazlo was a prophet (Lazlo (as Twippo): Oo-ooh)
But he really never got it (Lazlo (as Twippo): Sad but true)
And if you watch him you can spot it (Lazlo (as Twippo): A-doodley-doo)
He did not get the point!
Lazlo (as Twippo)
Now Lazlo set sail on a Cruiseship In a dreadful gale
Mario, Kirby, & Dexter
Got eaten up by a giant whale there is no more to be said
You think he would learn a lot From being saved from an awful spot
With a second chance that he had got He didn't want to be spread
Now poor old Lazlo and now he's all alone-ah
Got to use a megaphone-ah to get it through to his head-HEY!
Mario, Kirby, & Dexter
Lazlo was a prophet (Lazlo (as Twippo): Oo-ooh)
But he really never got it (Lazlo (as Twippo): Sad but true)
And if you watch him you can spot it (Lazlo (as Twippo): A-doodley-doo)
He did not get the point!
Lazlo was a prophet (Lazlo (as Twippo): Oo-ooh)
But he really never got it (Lazlo (as Twippo): Sad but true)
And if you watch him you can spot it (Lazlo (as Twippo): A-doodley-doo)
He did not get the point!
Lazlo (as Twippo)
Now during your life you probably don't ride on a camel and you probably won't wake up inside a large aquatic mammal but all the same like Lazlo there is something you can do everyone deserves to get a second chance from you!
Mario, Kirby, & Dexter
Compassion and mercy from me to you and you to me
Exactly what He wants to see and yes that is the point!
Lazlo was a prophet (Lazlo (as Twippo): Ooh ooh)
But he really never got it (Lazlo (as Twippo): Sad but true)
Lazlo was a prophet (Lazlo (as Twippo): Ooh ooh)
But he really never got it (Lazlo (as Twippo): Sad but true)
Lazlo (as Twippo) and Mario, Kirby, & Dexter
Lazlo was a prophet!
(Everyone cheers. Suddenly they are interrupted by someone.)
Raj: I beg your Pardon. I hate to break up the Party, who needed to tow?
Lazlo (as Twippo): Ah... have we met?
(Raj smiles. And the movie ends. The songs during the credits include Belly of The Whale by The Newsboys, I Want It That Way by the Backstreet Boys, and the Credits Song.)
Mario: This is the song that runs under the credits
These are the credits, so this is where it goes
Has nothing to do with the movie so we'll say:
Hey! Hey! Hey hey hey hey hey hey!
The Pirates Band of Misfits: There once was a song, that ran under the credits
That went with the movie, but this is not that song
Has nothing to do with the movie so we'll say:
Hey! Hey! Hey hey hey hey hey hey!
Wouldn't it be nice if the song under the credits
Had something to do with the movie you just saw
But that's not the case so for now we'll have to say:
Hey! Hey! Hey hey hey hey hey hey!
There should be a rule that the song under the credits
Remotely pertains to the movie's basic plot
That rule has not been made so for now we'll have to say:
Hey! Hey! Hey hey hey hey hey hey!
Mario: I'm gonna go home and take a nap!
Dexter: Come on, we have contractual obligations to finish the song.
Kirby: They paid for a full 79 minutes of entertainment, Dexterl! Get back in the booth!
Mario: Wake me up for the prequel!
Dexter: Oh, come on! We were just starting to have fun! (laughs) Oh man, I need a Tums.
Kirby: What? What, are we done? You mean that's it? Zim-bom-a-loo-bop-a-lop-bam-bing? Hey, hey, ho ho ho, Hey hey, ho ho ho, hey hey... If you want me, I'll be on the porch.
(End of transcript.)