SpongeBob Goes To Hungary

SpongeBob Goes To Hungary is the first episode of The SpongeBob and Viktor Orbán Show. It was released on March 4, 2022 and was written by .
== Transcript ==
[Lobster productions logo; the episode begins in Bikini Bottom. SpongeBob is hiding in a garbage can.]
SpongeBob: (whispering) My life is a failure. I’m a wanted criminal. How did this even happen? I was so nice around a year ago, and look what I became. I’m a monster. I live in a trash can now, I don’t even have a house.. This is all because of that STUPID disagreement I had with Squidward when-
[Two fish police officers look in the garbage can and notice SpongeBob.]
Police Officer #1: Well, well, well, SpongeBob. You are still hiding, huh? We always find you, what’s even the point of hiding?
Police Officer #2: Yeah, you always hide in obvious places! This is the third time you hid in a garbage can.
Police Officer #1: Now get in the vehicle.
[Police Officer #1 puts handcuffs on SpongeBob, who starts crying.]
SpongeBob: BUT- BUT- BUT- BUT- BUT- I JUST-
Police Officer #2: Oh my God, stop crying!
[SpongeBob holds back his tears]
SpongeBob: I- I’m sorry…
Police Officer #1: Yeah, I don’t care.
[Fade to black; cut to SpongeBob’s house. It is dark and covered with spider webs. A knock on the door is heard, and Patrick comes in.]
Patrick: SpongeBob, do you know what a “racial slur” is? SpongeBob? Are you… Oh right, he’s on the run. I miss that yellow guy. Hm… Yellow… Is that a racial slur? It sounds racial, but I don’t think it’s a slur.
[Pause.]
Patrick: I’m gonna cry like a baby now.
[Patrick walks out, and Gary crawls in. He turns on the TV and sits on the couch.]
Gary: Meow. That SpongeBob fellow sure was very annoying. He didn’t like it when I watched the politics on the telly, but now I can do whatever I want. Oh blimey!
[The TV shows a news report in Hungary.]
Perch Perkins: That’s right, the number of immigrants in Hungary is getting higher and higher, some of them aren’t even human! This is very concerning, but luckily, the prime minister, Viktor Orbán has something to say!
[Cut to Orbán sleeping on his bed in his underwear, and cut back to Perch Perkins.]
Perch Perkins: Um… AD BREAK!
[Gary turns off the TV, and cut to Orbán waking up.]
Orbán: Azta kurva, tegnap nagyon sokat ittam. Mi a fasz ez a vastag izé? Ja ez a kezem…
[Cut to Orbán’s wife, Anikó in the kitchen. Orbán walks down the stairs and enters.]
Orbán: Jó reggelt, asszony. Látom már a konyhában vagy. Még jó hogy, hiszen nő vagy. (TRANSLATION: Good morning, woman. I see that you are already in the kitchen. Well of course, you are a woman.)
Anikó: Igen, kérsz tojást és palacsintát egy kis szalonnával? (TRANSLATION: Yes, do you want eggs and pancakes with some bacon?)
Orbán: Nem, nincs rá időm. Egy nagyon fontos öltöző buli- VAGYIS biznisz találkozó izé dologra kell mennem. (No, I don’t have time for it. I have to go to a very important costume party- I MEAN business meeting thingy.)
Anikó: Oké… (Okay…)
Orbán: Na most indu- várj, még nem öltöztem fel… Hát ő… (Well I’m go- wait, I didn’t get dressed yet… Well uh…)
[Cut to SpongeBob in prison.]
SpongeBob: (sighs) I am here again. I’ve been arrested seven times now. I wish I could illegally immigrate to a different country and change my name so nobody knows that I am SpongeBob.
[SpongeBob notices that there is a television at the end of the hall.]
SpongeBob: Wait, is that a TV? I wonder what is airing right now.
[SpongeBob starts watching the TV and the same news report that Gary watched starts playing.]
Perch Perkins: That’s right, the number of immigrants in Hungary is getting higher and higher, some of them aren’t even human! This is very concerning, but luckily, the prime minister, Viktor Orbán has something to say!
[Cut to Orbán sleeping on his bed in his underwear, and cut back to Perch Perkins.]
Perch Perkins: Um… AD BREAK!
[Cut back to SpongeBob.]
SpongeBob: Oh my Gosh! I have an idea! I’m gonna go to Hungary!
[A police officer walks to his cell.]
Police Officer #3: What are you doing, Mr. Pants?
SpongeBob: Um… Nothing, officer.
Police Officer #3: Okay…
SpongeBob: Also it’s SquarePants.
Police Officer #3: Damn, I’m sorry, but I don’t remember asking.
SpongeBob: That was not very nice.
Police Officer #3: Cry about it.
[The police officer walks away, and SpongeBob jumps out of the window. Cut to Orbán dressed as a border patrol agent arriving at the Parlament.]
Orbán: Milyen szép nap egy kis öltözködéshez, ugye? (What a beautiful day for some dressing up, right?)
Péter Márki-Zay: (dressed as a cardboard box) Úgy bizon! De mondja Orbán, tetszik a jelmezem? (That’s right! But tell me Orbán, do you like my costume?)
Orbán: Nem te buzi ellenzék remélem meghalsz. (No, you stupid opposition, go die.)
[Márki-Zay starts crying and runs away.]
Kinga Gál: (dressed as a witch) És az enyém? (What about mine?)
Orbán: Hááááááááát… Jó… (Weeeeeeeell… It’s good…)
Kinga: Thank you!
Péter Jakab: (dressed as a bologna sausage) Tetszik az enyém, Viktor? (Do you like mine, Viktor?)
Orbán: Ehetőnek látszol. (You look edible.)
Péter: Kösz… (Thanks…)
Generic Weeb: (dressed as a catgirl) És az enyém? (What about mine?)
Orbán: Nem tudom hogy te ki vagy. (I don’t know who you are.)
Weeb: Én Weeb vagyok! (I’m Weeb!)
Orbán: Te nem tartozol a Parlamentbe. (You aren’t a part of the Parlament.)
Weeb: De- de- de- (But- but- but-)
Orbán: Menj el innen, mielőtt levágatom a fejed! (Go away, before I chop off your head!)
[Weeb Naruto runs away, and Orbán walks over to Ferenc Gyurcsány dressed as an immigrant.]
Orbán JAJ NE! Azzonall húzz el innen, kibaszott migráns! (OH NO! Get out of here immediately, fucking immigrant!)
Gyurcsány: Álj álj álj! Én nem vagyok migráns! Én Gyurcsány Ferenc vagyok! (Woah woah woah! I’m not an immigrant! I’m Ferenc Gyurcsány!)
Orbán: Hálisten. Már azt hittem migráns vagy. Nagyon élethű a jelmezed. A szakadt és poros Gucci farmer tökéletesen simul a lábadra, a Chanel szürke kapucnis felsőd olyan szinten simul a hasadra, hogy szinte látszódnak a haskockáid amit minden reggel gondosan felfestesz magadnak. Az arcodat meg összekoszoltad a kislányod barna vízfestékével és grafitporral keverted össze. A hajadat nem fésülted meg, bár ez már megszokott. A kezedben meg a legújabb Iphone 19, mint egy vérbeli migránsnak. (Thank God. I thought you were a real immigrant. Your costume is very realistic. The torn and dusty Gucci jeans fit perfectly on your feet, your grey Chanel hoodie slips on your belly to a level where your abs that you carefully paint on every morning are visible. You messed up your face with your daughter's brown watercolor and graphite powder. You didn’t comb your hair, although we are used to it by now. And of course, you are holding the newest Iphone 19 in your hand, like a real migrant.)
Gyurcsány: Hű, ez sok volt. (Wow, that was a lot.)
Orbán: Megérdemled, mert egy szánalmas vesztes vagy. (You deserve it, you are a pathetic loser.)
[Orbán angrily looks into Gyurcsány’s eyes and then rushes into his office. Cut to SpongeBob at the Hungarian border.]
SpongeBob: I really have to avoid getting caught. 
[SpongeBob crosses the border.]
SpongeBob: That was… Surprisingly easy.
[Cut to Orbán in his office, still in his costume.]
Orbán: Hm… Talán egy kicsit durva voltam. (Hm… Maybe I was a little mean to that guy.)
[Orbán grabs a Windows 95 and opens Internet Explorer.]
Orbán: Mielőtt akármit is csinálok, megnézem hogy van-e akárki itt. (Before I do anything, I gotta check to make sure no one is here.)
[Orbán walks out of his office, and sees that the entire Parlament is empty, and everyone is partying. He then types in “www.p*rnhub.com” and starts waiting.]
French Narrator: 2 hours later…
[Orbán finishes the dirty deed and looks out the window.]
Orbán: Ki menjek és partizzak velük? Eh, miért ne. (Should I go outside and party with them? Eh, why not.)
[Cut to Orbán eating spaghetti outside.]
Orbán: Nyami, ez a spagetti nagyon finom. (Yum, this spaghetti is very good.)
[Gordon Bajnai appears behind Orbán.]
Gordon: Szia Viki, tetszik a parti? (Hi Vicky, do you like the party?)
Orbán: Ja, jó parti, de nincs elég kaja. A migránsok ellopták. (Yeah, it’s a good party, but there’s not enough food. The immigrants stole it.)
Gordon: Miért lennének it migránsok? (Why would there be immigrants here?)
Orbán: Nézd meg Gyurcsányt. (Look at Gyurcsány.)
Gordon: Hát a szakadt és poros Gucci farmer tökéletesen simul a lábadra, a Chanel szürke kapucnis felsőd olyan szinten simul a hasadra, hogy szinte látszódnak a haskockáid amit minden reggel gondosan felfestesz magadnak. Az arcodat meg összekoszoltad a kislányod barna vízfestékével és grafitporral keverted össze. A hajadat nem fésülted meg, bár ez már megszokott. A kezedben meg a legújabb Iphone 19, mint egy vérbeli migránsnak. (Well the torn and dusty Gucci jeans fit perfectly on his feet, his grey Chanel hoodie slips on your belly to a level where his abs that he carefully paints on every morning are visible. He messed up his face with his daughter's brown watercolor and graphite powder. He didn’t comb your hair, although we are used to it by now. And of course, he is holding the newest Iphone 19 in his hand, like a real migrant.)
Orbán: Most nagyon Deja Vu feelingem van. (I think I have Deja Vu.)
Gordon: Érdekes. Várj, miért van tej a spagettiden? (That’s weird. Wait, why is there milk on your spaghetti?)
Orbán: Ja, ez nem tej, ez bikasperma. (Oh, this is not milk, it’s bull sperm.)
Gordon: Oh, oké.
[Cut to SpongeBob at the Parlament.]
SpongeBob: So, this is the capital city of Hungary, Budapest, and its parliament, the Parlament. I probably shouldn’t even go near it, but I’m already an illegal immigrant, so does it really matter?
[SpongeBob walks to the Parlament and notices Orbán alone.]
SpongeBob: Hello there, Mr. Prime minister of Hungary.
Orbán: Mi? (What?)
SpongeBob: Do you not understand what I’m saying?
Orbán: ???
SpongeBob: Okay so… Jó napot én lenni SpongyaBob.
Orbán: Oh, hi SpongeBob, how are you today?
SpongeBob: Eh, I’m doing fine.
Orbán: Wait, how did you get here? Are you an… Immigrant?
SpongeBob: WHAT? No! Of course not!
Orbán: Oh okay, you almost look like Gyurcsány.
SpongeBob: Who’s Gyurcsány?
[Orbán points to Gyurcsány Ferenc.]
SpongeBob: Well the torn and dusty Gucci jeans fit perfectly on his feet, his grey Chanel hoodie slips on your belly to a level where his abs that he carefully paints on every morning are visible. He messed up his face with his daughter's brown watercolor and graphite powder. He didn’t comb your hair, although we are used to it by now. And of course, he is holding the newest Iphone 19 in his hand, like a real migrant.
Orbán: Wait, I think I’ve said this before.
SpongeBob: Weird. So, what are you doing now?
Orbán: Nothing really. I was just eating another oreóspizzástevepatás sandwich.
SpongeBob: That’s interesting. Kinda.
[Gyurcsány walks to Orbán and SpongeBob.]
Gyurcsány: WHO TALKED ABOUT MY COST- Wait, what the, SpongeBob? Why are you here?
SpongeBob: Long story.
Gyurcsány: Oh okay.
SpongeBob: Hey, Viktor, can you give me an oreóspizzástevepatás sandwich?
Orbán: But there’s only one left!
SpongeBob: You already ate like twenty!
Orbán: Ugh, fine. Here it is.
[Orbán grabs a sandwich but slips, falls on the floor, and the sandwich lands on his face. He gets up, takes off his wig, aims for Gyurcsány, but throws it on SpongeBob, making him fall on the floor.]
SpongeBob: Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up! And your hair is covered with sweat and dandruff. And also something white. I don’t know what that is.
Orbán: Uh… Sorry… I was meant to throw it at Gyurcsány.
Gyurcsány: YOU WHAT?!
[Orbán helps SpongeBob get up, but Gyurcsány hits Orbán on the head, making him fall onto SpongeBob. He fell onto his chest making him hear SpongeBob’s heartbeat. Orbán quickly gets up, and SpongeBob stays on the floor.]
Orbán: Well… That was fucking kawaii.
SpongeBob: Yeah…
Orbán: Okay, I think I’ve had enough partying today, I’m going home now.
SpongeBob: Aww, you are going already?
Orbán: Yeah, I’m sorry, but uh… Let’s meet tomorrow.
SpongeBob: Okay.
Orbán: Wait, before I go, go fuck yourself, Feri.
Gyurcsány: :(
[Cut to Orbán arriving home.]
Orbán: That was a terrible day.
Anikó: That’s great. 
Orbán: Where are the children?
Anikó: They’re already sleeping. It’s 3 AM.
Orbán: Oh okay. Now I am going to be pooping on my golden toilet, and then go to sleep.
Anikó: Okay, I don’t care.
Orbán: I love you too.
[Cut to Orbán tucking himself in. He puts his head on the pillows and instantly falls asleep, and snorts like if an asthmatic wild boar fucked a tractor. He dreams about him and SpongeBob together in a room, and they end up kissing. The dream suddenly ends as Orbán wakes up.]
Orbán: WHAT THE?! Oh, that was just a nightmare. I would never kiss a guy. I hate gay people.
[Orbán falls asleep again and the episode ends. Credits roll.]
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