Once Bitten, Twice Guy/Transcript

The following is a transcript for the episode "Once Bitten, Twice Guy".
== ==
(In the night, a shadow of Mr. Dinkles is seen on a cliff. He howls like a wolf. In the forest, Guy Diamond comes out of the bushes while Poppy follows him.)
Poppy: (pants) Guy, I’m happy to give you feedback on your big speech, but do we really have to rehearse this late at night, this deep in the woods?
Tiny Diamond: Do we have to? You are hilarious, Auntie P! (laughs) Oh, man!
Guy Diamond: (chuckles) Tiny’s right to laugh, Poppy. After all, when you’re in the “public Guy” as much as your truly, the only way to prevent spoilers from leaking is to take a few extra precautions. Watch your heads! (He and Poppy duck to enter a cave.) You see, this isn’t just any speech. I’m the keynote speaker at this year’s big Glitter Troll Convention, GlitterCon! (Down we go! (He and Poppy jump down. Poppy screams as they fall and land on a mushroom.) There! The perfect rehearsal space! It offers privacy, incredible acoustics, a colony of giant bats, and plenty of- (The camera moves back to the bats.) Wait! (He screams as the bats fly toward him. Then he faints.)
Tiny Diamond: Daddy!
Poppy: Guy, are you OK?! 
Guy Diamond: (groans) Poppy, please. There isn’t much time. Promise me something.
Poppy: (Holding Guy Diamond’s hand) Of course, Guy, anything.
Guy Diamond: Promise me… (He takes out a paper from his hair.) … you’ll sign a nondisclosure agreement not to share my speech with anyone.
Poppy: Uh, OK. (She signs the paper and Guy Diamond gets up.)
Guy Diamond: Great! (He takes out a list and clears his throat.) Ladies and glittermen, the dictionary defines glitter as the modules of sparkly goodness that comes from the behind of every Glitter Troll… (We see that he has a green bite mark on his neck. (Later, he is sleeping and having a nightmare.)
Tiny Diamond: Daddy! Daddy, wake up! (He jumps off his father’s hair and takes out his airhorns.) Wake up! (He blows his airhorns, waking his father up.)
Guy Diamond: Tiny?! Oh, my! I had that classic Glitter Troll nightmare where you’re out in public and you’re horrified to realize you’re wearing clothes… (He removes his blanket and reveals that he is wearing a suit. He and Tiny Diamond scream in terror as lightning flashes.)
Tiny Diamond: Daddy! You’re a Glitter Troll! Why are you wearing clothes?!
Guy Diamond: I don’t know! I must have put them on in my sleep!
Tiny Diamond: Well, take it off, Daddy! Take it off! (His father screams, goes behind a clothes cover, and tries to remove his suit.)
Guy Diamond: There! Don’t worry, Tiny. Things are back under control. (He uncovers himself and we see that he is wearing another suit. He is also wearing glasses and holding a cane.) Ah!
Tiny Diamond: Oh! You’re still wearing ‘em, Daddy!
Guy Diamond: What is happening to me?!
Laguna: (offscreen) I can answer that question.
Guy Diamond: Huh? (He sees Laguna wearing a jacket and hat. She is also carrying a glowing object.) Laguna?
Laguna: Yes. Poppy told me about your encounter with the bats. And I’m afraid their bite has given you a supernatural craving to wear clothes. You are becoming… a Glampire! 
Guy and Tiny Diamond: (gasp) A Glampire? (At the library, Laguna takes out a book about bats.)
Laguna: One night, here in the library… (She blows on the book.) … I stumbled upon these ancient tomes. (She jumps down a ladder.) Researching them has made me what I am today. A Glampire hunter. (Guy and Tiny Diamond gasp. Tiny Diamond hides in his father’s hair.) Bleh, no, helper. I’m a Glampire helper, slip of the tongue. (laughs)
Guy Diamond: Oh.
Tiny Diamond: Oh, OK, cool. Please, Daddy’s friend! There must be a cure for my daddy’s Glampirism!
Guy Diamond: I’ve got GlitterCon in two days! My entire speech is about what it means to be a Glitter Troll. Who would ever take me seriously if I showed up dressed?!
Laguna: Well, we can try a few things. But I will need your full commitment. 
Guy Diamond: Then you shall have it! By the shine of my glitter, I swear, the only clothes I’ll be wearing to GlitterCon is my birthday suit! (He rips off his suit.)
Laguna: Then let’s go to work!
Guy Diamond: Great. I’ll grab a coat. Aah! (Soon, he, Tiny Diamond, and Laguna are in an empty pod.)
Laguna: This empty pod is 100% clothing free. If you can stay in here for an entire day without wearing anything, your Glampirism may reverse itself!
Guy Diamond: Great! I can catch up on some reading! (He takes out a book with his own face.) It’s my auto-Guy-ography. (He laughs while Tiny Diamond and Laguna leave.) Oh, what wit! (Laguna closes the door to the empty pod. We then cut to the next night.)
Tiny Diamond: Daddy did it! An entire day without wearing any- (Laguna opens the door to reveal Guy Diamond using the curtains and chair as clothes.) Daddy?
Guy Diamond: Aah! What have I become?! (He sits down.) Don’t look at me! (He begins to cry. Back at the library, Laguna is making a potion while Tiny Diamond watches.)
Laguna: And the final ingredient. One spray of this just might break the Glampire’s curse. (She sees Guy Diamond wearing a black and purple suit.)
Guy Diamond: Finally! Things can go back to normal! (He looks in a mirror.) Although, this peak lapel does make me look dashing.
Laguna: Guy? It’s time.
Guy Diamond: I SAID THIS PEAK LAPEL MAKES ME LOOK DASHING! (Laguna and Tiny Diamond gasp.)
Tiny Diamond: Daddy, what are you saying?!
Guy Diamond: I’m saying I don’t want to go back to before. This is who I am now! (He laughs evilly and does a glitter fart. He takes various clothes at various places. As he does, he sings Put It On.)
(Guy Diamond)
Come on
My heart’s saying no but…
My legs wanna jump in
That smooth polyester
I just need it on my skin
I don’t want it to end
But I need it
My mind is spinning round
My world is upside down
I’m haunted
By the fashion spirit
So maybe just this once
I might just put it on (He then runs through the forest like a dog.)
Guy Diamond: I thirst… (He sniffs and sees an outfit through a bush.) … for breathable cotton! Elegant yet relaxed! Perfect for the Troll who’s just as comfortable in the ballroom as he is in the ball pit. (He laughs and Laguna and Tiny Diamond pop up.)
Laguna: Now, Tiny! (She grabs Guy Diamond and Tiny Diamond sprays the potion on him. He lies down in pain.) Guy?
Guy Diamond: (Getting up) Must resist the change!
Tiny Diamond: Uh, Daddy, you OK?
Guy Diamond: I’m fine. That definitely worked. Just let me have my moment, eh, son? (He screams and lies down.) The metamorphosis is at hand. (Laguna and Tiny Diamond give each other a fist bump. Later at GlitterCon, Guy Diamond is eating a cupcake.) Ah, GlitterCon, the sparkliest event of the year! And I mean that glitterally. (He, Tiny Diamond, and Laguna laugh.)
Tiny Diamond: Razor sharp witticism, Daddy!
Guy Diamond: (laughs) No, but seriously. I want to thank you for not giving on me. Thanks to you, I can share my speech with all the Glitter Trolls without causing a scandal. Tiny? Laguna? What’s wrong?
Tiny Diamond: D-D-D-Daddy…
Laguna: You… your napkin… 
Guy Diamond: Huh? (He sees that he made a napkin to a tie and is wearing it.) Ah! (He throws the napkin tie away.) T-T-The formula… is wearing off! The thirst! It’s coming back!
Tiny Diamond: You mean you’re reverting back into your Glampire form?! Daddy’s friend, what’s up with that?! (Laguna takes out the bat book.)
Laguna: I don’t know! Maybe we didn’t use enough of the formula!
Pop Troll #1: (offscreen, amplified) And now… (A spotlight shines on Guy Diamond.) … please welcome tonight’s keynote to the speaker stage. It’s Guy Diamond! (All the Glitter Trolls cheer.)
Glitter Troll #1: We love you! (Guy Diamond chuckles nervously and walks to the stage.)
Tiny Diamond: No! If Daddy gives into his craving now, he’ll be exposed naked for all the Glitter Trolls to see, you know, by being clothed!
Laguna: Maybe I can go get the rest of the formula and give Guy a stronger does before it’s too late.
Tiny Diamond: (As Laguna leaves) But… but… but… (He watches as his father appears on the stage. (He sees some roses and imagines him wearing a flower suit.)
Flower Guy Diamond: Come, Guy! (Guy Diamond looks at a cake and imagines himself dressed up as a cake.)
Cake Guy Diamond: Show them who we are. (He laughs evilly. Guy Diamond struggles to not put on clothes.)
Guy Diamond: (nervously) Ladies and glittermen, the dictionary defines glitter as… as… Aah! I can’t take it! I must dress! (He grabs a curtain and puts on a fancy outfit. The crowd gasps while Tiny Diamond does a facepalm.) Look away! I’m a fashionable monster! (The audience starts clapping and cheering.) You don’t care? You accept me in this stunning ensemble? 
Glitter Troll #2: Of course! 
Glitter Troll #3: Why wouldn’t we?
Glitter Troll #4: It really makes your eyes pop! (Guy Diamond sheds a happy tear.)
Guy Diamond: Friends, I thought I knew what it means to be a Glitter Troll. But seeing how you’ve embraced me, I can see I was all wrong. Being a Glitter Troll isn’t about strutting around clothes free, our toots glistening majestically in the sun. For whether your preference is to wear clothes or not, it is a genuine love of self that always shines through. (All the Glitter Trolls cheer again. (Laguna swings in with the formula. She then pours it on Guy Diamond.)
Tiny Diamond: (Jumping up on the stage) Did it work, Daddy? Did the formula break the Glampire’s curse?
Guy Diamond: Actually, Tiny, I don’t think there was ever a curse. I think I’ve just been discovering a side of myself I’ve never seen before.
Tiny Diamond: Wait a minute. So you’re saying?
Guy Diamond: I’m saying I’m here, world! Dressed head to toe! Take me as I am! (The Glitter Trolls put their hands in the air and cheer for Guy Diamond.)
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