Sense of Self

Sweet develops something new and confusing in his vibe and goes to Steven for advice. It doesn't end well
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Sweet >>steven weird stuff going on w/my vibe advice???
Sweet is the worst text sender
Steven >> You giving people boners again :I
Sweet >>no haha more like people are giving me boners??? and anger and anxious and all that im recieving inst of giving
Steven >> Sound like your absorbing shit you shouldn't be... Want to come practice some meditation with me?
Sweet >>y be right ther
Steven >> What? 'Why be right there?' Learn how to type. B(
Sweet arrives at Steven's place after a much longer time than usual, face flushed and eyes red. "There's a girl outside, just broke up with her boyfriend. Had to stop and give her a hug and now-" he waves at his face. "What the fuck is this, Steven? I couldn't do this before!"
Steven "Must be from all the 'suckin' you've been doing recently." he exhales loudly, sitting cross-legged on his floor. He slowly opens his eyes to look at Sweet, eyeing him up and down. "How many people do you usually use yo vibe on? Before the 'incident'?"
Sweet rolls his eyes at the sucking comment. "Har /har/. Er, not many? You, mostly. When I have sex with someone... Subtly, like, at clubs, to give people good moods when I feel like it has to come out, but besides that, not much. You think that's why?"
Steven eyes narrow slightly. "I think it is a backlash... Interesting." he pats the floor next to him. "Maybe you're pouring out too much, so your absorb to fill what was lost?" It was the same for him, if he expelled too much vibe, he needed to listen to music just to feel awake.
Sweet contemplates this for a while, sitting down next to Steven and mimicking his position. "Seems like a sound theory. Only I felt pretty normal, before it all started. Was a bit drained after the whole Eclipse thing, but that ended soon enough. Maybe it's just... a natural evolution? My vibe's still developing, or something like that?"
Steven "Your usually one lazy shit, so maybe this is what you could do if ya really tried." he grins, closing his eyes again. "You've ever meditated before?"
Sweet shakes his head, closing his eyes as well. "No. Never really felt the need to. You know me, I'm peaceful enough"
Steven "Or high, dont forget that." he inhales slowly- holds and then exhales. "Well, if ya are overloadin', it really helps ta keep yo self in check, ya know. Build up some walls or yo gonna crash and burn."
Sweet frowns a bit. "That doesn't sound healthy, though. I'm all for controlling your vibe, but walls can break. People aren't supposed to just crop everything up, you know."
Steven eyes open slowly, his eyes locked onto Sweet. " Do you know what would happen to me if /I/ didn't? I would of killed so many people by now-" he swallows, taking another calming breath. "Unless you want your vibe to cripple you, you will learn."
Sweet doesn't open his eyes. Someone a floor or two below them is a little annoyed, and Steven- Steven buries everything before he even feels it. "How can you even stand to be in this room?" he asks. "I can't believe I've never noticed it before. I feel repressed just /being/ here. Steven, you /know/ I can calm you down, that's what I /do/. So why don't you let me? It's all going to come back to bite you in the ass if you keep burying it like this. Agh!" He ruffles his hair, as if there's an itch on his head that he can't get to.
Steven "This is my office. It is where I work. I like it because it is quiet." he shakes his head, snickering lightly. "No, you really wont want to." he gives a wryly grin as he inhales again. "Trust me. I'm better off dealing with it my way. Anyway, hopefully with time, you'll barely notice other people emotions."
Sweet opens his eyes to look at Steven, finally, with a confused look. "No, you won't. Listen, we've known each other how long? I know you, almost better than you know yourself. And vice versa. You trust /me/, I can take whatever you dish out. You need to let go of these things the natural way, and I can help you with that. Please let me."
Steven snorts. "What are ya? My psychiatrist?" his eyes snap open as he rests his elbows on his knees, leaning in a little. "It has nothing to do with being friends or not. There are just some things that should stay buried until I've learnt how to deal with them.It is healthier for all."
Sweet frowns again, pulling his knees up to his chest. "I don't think so. Right now, you run the risk of letting them come out /before/ having learnt to deal with them, and there's no way you can even /do/ that on your own. Just because you're burying things doesn't mean you stop feeling'em, it just means that they grow harder and spikier inside of you until they explode, and that ain't gonna be pretty. It's healthier for all for you to deal with these things as soon as possible." He remembers the time when Steven had just killed someone. It was terrible, but they'd dealt with it and it had resulted in minimum backlash. He doesn't understand why Steven doesn't get that.
Steven snickers loudly. "You really want ta know how I'm feeling?" he closes his eyes again, concentrating on that little box he visualises every time he locks something away.He really didn't like opening that box unless it was to put something in. "Brace yo self." he says jokingly as starts to remember- Something small at first- The annoyance of those Mafia brats. not knowing who he was by face. Then he thinks back to Eclipse- slight joy- but that feeling is quickly dissolved by anger and disgust and fear and jealousy- How DARE Simon do that! How could he- Steven nails bit into his skin as he tries his hardest to not get too worked up about it, but fails, his mind replaying each scene from the video. As he got more worked up, smoke began to pour out of his lips, his finger tapping rhymically on his arm- What if Simon was to force his will onto him like that? How could he stop him?- more fear, betrayal, anguish, doubt- as his stomach started to turn, he is reminded by that time with James, the Old Don and his blood runs cold.
Sweet closes his eyes as he starts to feel Steven's small annoyances, but when they grow more intense he has to gasp for air. He grips Steven by the wrist and that only intensifies everything, and he can't seem to stop himself from standing up and pulling Steven with him, leading him in a strange, intense sort of waltz that has angry influences of tango in it. Sweet can feel everything, /everything/ Steven is feeling, taking over the emotions as if he's slowly turning into Steven himself, not knowing what they're about but knowing them so intensely as if it were happening to him, instaid. He's draining Steven, he knows it, afraid there'll be nothing left of him after this but he can't stop until Steven stops and he doesn't so he keeps dancing, leading the other blindly across the room. He's diving deep into his friend's heart and mind until he can almost hear Steven's voice and sees vague flashes of images and for one brief second he's convinced that he's been swallowed up and that everything what's Simon has been drowned in what is Steven.
Steven starts to seize up as he feels Sweet starting to suck him up- like he was inside- It was too much too quickly- he should of been more careful. "Stop it." he growls as he starts to close the box. He places his hands on the other's chest and roughly shoves him away, tumbling to the floor. He lays there, and begins to meditate, closing off what ever he couldnt box so quickly with other emotions- What did that wizbot say to use again?... Ah... love.- He begins to remember happier times- the first time he was praised by his father- when he became friends with Sweet- when he first met Wendy- anything that brought a moment of joy until that box was sealed nice and tight again.
Sweet hits the wall when he's shoved away, and gasps at the moment of impact as if he'd been hanged and was suddenly cut down from the noose. He slides down, entire body shaking. He stares out into space for a second, then raises his hands shakily- just to look at them, to make sure he hasn't disappeared. There's a moment of confusion as he sees them, though; this isn't right, his hands are supposed to be darker than this, smaller. It takes a few seconds for the realisation that no, that's not right, these are /his/ hands, and /his/ is still a thing that exists. There's a wetness on his face, and when he looks at his fingers after touching it, they're red. His nose is bleeding steadily, staining his shirt, but he doesn't register this fact until two minutes of silent staring has passed. He still can't figure out what just happened, but he feels physically ill. He stands up quickly, staggering a bit because of a major headrush, and speeds to the bathroom where he promptly falls painfully to his knees and empties the entire contents of his stomach into the toilet.
Steven it takes a while for Steven to get up- What the hell was that? He-... was sharing things he didn't- That asshole- he covers his face- realising on of his very few intimate moments where he bared his heart was with Simon, AGAIN! "Fuck." he growls as he staggers after Sweet, feeling quite physically drained as well as mentally- he needed a nap. "Simonnnnn.What the hell did you just do!" his face was flushed a very bright orange- this was embarrassing.
Sweet lets his forehead rest agains the cool porcelain for a few seconds, trying to collect himself. He couldn't, though. He had /taken/ Steven's emotions and made them his own, and he could feel the anger bubbling up inside him like lava. When he hears Sweet's name being yelled, Steven- no wait, that's not -grabs the nearest thing, a shampoo bottle, and throws it against the wall next to the figure in the doorway. "DAFUUUUCK?" he screams, and it sounds weird only it doesn't and he doesn't know if it's the pitch of his voice or the choice of words that doesn't fit. He lets out a scream of pure rage which only intensifies when the lamp above him absolutely /refuses/ to burst- only no, that's not a thing that he can- then hurt seeps in, and fear, and everything else all at once and he is reduced to a shivering, confused mess huddled up in a corner.
Steven eyes narrow as the bottle hits him hard on head- No- calm down. He told himself that as he watched Sweet scream- He didn't know he could scream like that- slowly making his way to the huddle of Sweet. "Simon." he thinks about the colour blue and how he likes it when the orange of a sunset dissolves into the blue sky- huh... That was weird...
Sweet is covered in blood and tears. It had been too much all at once, he'd taken in a lot without being able to control himself. He's slowly coming to grips with being Simon again, and can now see which parts are Steven and which parts are him, but that doesn't really make it all less intense. "Too much," he chokes out. "Too much at once. Steven, please..."
Steven places a had on Sweet's shoulder- feeling much more calmer now. "Simon... I'm sorry." he tries his best to minimize the regret he felt, doing his best to remember something happy- his first kiss- that time he beat up that boy who was bullying Sweet. "Shhhhhh. I'm sorry." he took the boy in his arms and hugged him, not minding if he got blood on his shirt for once. He rocked Sweet back and forth, rubbing his back slowly.
Sweet lets himself be held by the other man, resting his head on his shoulder and allowing himself to be rocked. He revels in the wash of good feelings, letting them touch his skin, but this time stopping them right on time before he absorbed them. He learned that, at least. It felt like he was sunbathing. He was finally calming down, imagining everything draining away through his fingertips on the cold tile. He remembers why he did this in the first place. "Do you feel better?" he asks shakily.
Steven presses his lips against Sweet's brow and kisses him lightly. "I.. feel different." he wasn't about to admit his chest felt a little lighter, he wanted Sweet to never do that again. He pulls away, his hands on either side of Sweet's cheeks, wiping away the stray blood and tears with his thumb. "Promise me you will meditate. I don;t want this happening again." he chides softly.
Sweet leans his head back against the tile wall, closing his eyes tightly and letting out a heavy sigh. He nods. "Meditation. Right. Promise me you'll get rid of that... it was a box, wasn't it." He doesn't know how he knows it was a box. He just...does, as if he's always known.
Steven brow creases a little as his face heats up again. Sweet went deeper than he though. "Yeah, yeah." he grabs some toilet roll and begins to clean Sweet's face. He wasnt going to, of course... Not right now anyway
Sweet allows Steven to clean his face, but there was a tiny part of him that was still treacherously not-him, that wanted to push him away. He resisted that, though, and waited until Steven was finished to push himself shakily to his feet and make his way over to the wash basin. He splashes some water in his face and looks at himself in the mirror, hands clutching the edges of the porcelain. He laughs a little. "I thought I was you, for a second there. Stupid, really."
Steven cocks his head to the side as he sits on the toilet. "That's ... weird." he definitely didn't want to do that again now. "You need to strenghten your sense of self. You don't want to loose yourself- It's horrible being lose." he briefly remembers that time when- ah it is over taken by a memory of that icecream he had the other day.
Sweet smiles at him, leaning on the wash basin. It took a bit of effort, smiling, but he knew that the now dampened emotions he was feeling weren't his, and because of that they were draining away slowly but surely. He feels terrible that his friend felt that way, though. "My sense of self is strong enough, Steven. I just lost control for a bit.It won't happen again." Strong enough, here, being a complete lie, not that he even realised it. He isn't important, not in the long run. Steven is. If he's important to Steven, that's what makes him important. That's what he's /for/. The rest is unimportant details, easily discarded.
Steven eyes narrow a bit before exhaling. "Good." he mumbles as he latches a hand on Sweet's wrist, dragging him to his apartment. He grabs a few pillows and blankets and dumps them on the sofa. he kicks off all the less important clothes and flops back down. "Movie time. You get to pick." he grins lazily from the blanket pile.
Sweet does the same with his clothes, throwing his shirt in the bin. Blood doesn't come out of white shirts. He makes himself a comfy little nest in the blanket pile and thinks hard. "Boat that rocked!" He chooses eventually. He /always/ chooses that movie.
Steven rolls his eyes, glad he felt sleepy. He puts the film on and snuggles into the blankets, cocooning himself. He rests his head near Sweet's, his eyes glued to the screen.
Sweet falls asleep about halfway through the movie, his head falling down on Steven's shoulder. He knows the film by heart anyway.
Steven falls asleep shortly after, resting his head on top of Sweet's, his last thoughts before he nods of are of him as a child... they were nice..
Category:RP
Category:Steven
Category:Sweet