Episode 406: Linda Lavin/transcript

The Muppet Show transcript for Episode 406: Linda Lavin.
==Cold open==
 	The dressing room. Scooter knocks on the door.
Linda 	Come in.
Scooter	Linda Lavin.
Linda 	Yes, Scooter?
Scooter	Fifteen seconds to curtain, Linda.
Linda 	(brushing her hair) Oh, thanks.
 	
Scooter	Say, uh, can I get'cha anything?
Linda 	Well, you could make me a sandwich.
Scooter	Okay, you're a sandwich.
 	
 	BOOM! In a flash of smoke, Linda is turned into a sandwich.
Linda 	Everybody's a comedian.
 	Scooter laughs.
==Theme==
Kermit 	It's The Muppet Show, with our very special guest star, Linda Lavin! Yaaay!
 	The curtain opens, and the theme begins.
 	200px
 	Four chickens are seated with Statler and Waldorf in their box.
Waldrof	Now, watch this show carefully and you'll learn a lot about laying an egg! (laughs with Statler)
 	
 	As Gonzo blows his horn, he disappears in small portions (like a blind).
==Opening number==
 	Kermit enters to applause.
Kermit 	Thank you, thank you, thank you, and welcome to The Muppet Show! Hey, you're gonna have a great time tonight because our guest star is that terrific actress and star of musical comedy, Miss Linda Lavin! So, it's going to be a wonderful show!
 	Miss Piggy steps in behind Kermit.
Piggy 	Actually, it's not.
Kermit 	Miss Piggy! (crowd cheers)
Piggy 	Oh, thank you. Thank you. Kissy kissy! Thank you, thank you. Excusez-moi, Kermie. But, I have an announcement to make.
 	
Kermit 	Yeah? What is that?
Piggy 	Tonight's show...is cancelled!
Kermit 	(stammers) B-but, you can't cancel the show! Uh, the first act is all ready to go on - Zuzu Fitzwaller, the Hungarian Water Juggler.
Piggy 	(shakes her head) No, he isn't.
Kermit 	"He isn't?" How come?
Piggy 	Because...Kermit the Frog... (timpani drumroll plays) ...this is your birthday!
 	The curtains open. Linda, Fozzie, Gonzo, Scooter, Floyd, Rowlf and Camilla enter, singing "Happy Birthday to You" as Piggy conducts them.
Gonzo 	Speech! Speech!
Kermit 	I-I really don't know what to say.
Linda 	No, no. Sorry, we don't have time for speeches. We got too much to do! (all begin to scatter)
Piggy 	That's right! Off, off! Everyone off! Off, off! Backstage! Yes, close the curtains! Close them! That's it.
Kermit 	Okay. Well, uh, all right, folks, I don't know what that was all about. But, uh, at last we can get back to our show, so here's our first act - Zuzu Fitzwaller, the Hungarian Water Juggler! Yaaay!
 	Kermit waves his arms and exits. Piggy remains put.
Piggy 	I sent him home.
Kermit 	(re-enters) You did what?
Piggy 	Mm-hmm.
Kermit 	Yeah, b-but-but, this is supposed to be a show! What are people going to watch?!
Piggy 	What else? In honor of your birthday...
Kermit 	What?
 	Music begins.
Piggy 	(singing) I'll remember forever when I was but three
Kermit 	What is this?
Piggy 	
Mama, who was clever, remarking to me,
"If dear, when you grow up, you want everything nice..."
Kermit 	Yeah?
Piggy 	"You've got your future sewn up if you take this advice."
Kermit 	But, what is this?
Piggy 	Now!
Kermit 	Piggy!
 	Piggy pushes Kermit offstage. The curtains open, revealing a set piece of Kermit's head, adorned with a birthday candle. A chorus of frogs dances in, wearing versions of Kermit's collar. They begin to sing their own version of "Be a Clown" - "Be a Frog."
Frogs 	
Be a frog, be a frog
All the world loves a frog
Green Frog	Learn to croak (jump cut to blue frog)
Blue Frog 	Learn to hop!
 	
Frogs 	
And you'll find you wind up on top
Dress in green, bug your eyes
If you wink, they'll think you're so wise
 	
 	A cow and horse enter, both with Kermit eyes and collars.
Cow 	
If you're a cow, your diet will be nothing but hay
Horse 	
If you're a horse, they'll think that "neigh" is all you can say
Company 	
But folks'll sing about
How you went courtin' one day
Be a frog, be a frog, be a frog
 	A chorus of pigs appear around the Kermit set piece, all resembling Kermit. A soloist pig appears in the foreground.
Pigs 	
Be a frog, be a frog
All the world loves a frog
 	
Male Pig 	
You'll be sharp as a knife
As you climb the tadpole of life!
 	The pigs appear in a hexagon grid.
Pigs 	
Swim in top, proper schools
You'll be asked to all the best pools
 	Robin appears in the center of the grid.
Robin 	
Had a famous fairy tale and every day since
I haven't had much trouble when I try to convince
The ladies, if they kiss me, they'll be kissing a prince
 	The pigs and frogs all appear in a much larger grid.
Company 	Be a frog, be a frog
 	
 	Piggy appears the center, in her own Kermit attire.
Piggy 	Oh my golly, pollywog
Company 	Be a frog, be a frog, be a frog!
 	Piggy bows, as the pigs and frogs ribbit.
Waldorf 	Yeah, seriously, we should give the frog a birthday present.
Statler 	Like what?
Waldorf 	How 'bout a nice bottle of pig repellent! (both laugh)
==Backstage==
 	Kermit grimaces and shakes his head as Piggy and three pigs pass by.
Piggy 	Oh, yes, that was fabulous! Oh ho, you pigs make wonderful frogs!
Kermit	Uh, hey, us frogs make pretty good frogs too, ya' know.
 	
 	Zuzu Fitzwaller approaches Kermit at his desk.
Zuzu 	You...you cancelled my act.
Kermit	Oh, good grief. It's Zuzu Fitzwaller, the Hungarian Water Juggler. Uh, lis-listen, Zuzu. I-I'm sorry about that, you see, but i-it wasn't me. I didn't cancel the act.
Zuzu 	I practiced and I practiced! I was going to juggle a whole bucket full! (sobs)
Kermit	I-is it hard?
Zuzu 	The trick is hard, the water's soft. (resumes crying)
Kermit	Oh, I-I'm sorry that the act was canceled, Zuzu.
Zuzu 	My girl, Gloria, came all the way from Pittsburg to see me... (resumes crying)
Kermit	Well, I-I tell you what. Li-listen, you're back on! I'm gonna go introduce you right now, Zuzu. (exits)
Zuzu 	Wha, yes?
 	Piggy enters, as Fozzie rushes by in the background. Zuzu looks toward the stage eagerly.
Piggy 	All right, uh, Fozzie! Stand by, yeah, for the, uh, first of the special guests. Go, go, go! Uh...Fitzwaller?
Zuzu 	Yes?
Piggy 	(light chuckle) I thought I told you - you got the axe.
 	Zuzu makes his way to the stage, sobbing once more.
==Mr. Dawson / "The More I See You"==
Kermit 	Uh, ladies and gentlemen, and especially Gloria, at this time, I take great pride in presenting, uh...
 	
 	As Kermit speaks, Zuzu wanders in behind, sobbing. He rushes up to the front of the stage.
Zuzu 	Oh, Gloria! I'm not going to be on! They gave me the axe! (sobs)
Kermit 	No, no, no, no, no, wait a second, Zuzu...
 	Zuzu exits, crying, as Fozzie steps out of the curtains.
Fozzie 	Yes, Kermit the Frog....
Kermit 	Hmmm?
Fozzie 	This is your birthday! Yes, yes, yes! We have a whole evening of birthday greetings planned for you!
Kermit 	Oh no.
 	Miss Piggy, Rowlf, Gonzo, Scooter, a pig, Zuzu, Beauregard and Linda watch from the wings.
Linda 	How's it going, Piggy?
Piggy 	Oh, wonderful!
Linda 	Piggy, you've made such a wonderful night for Kermit.
Piggy 	Ah, yeah, well, I would do anything for my Kermie. I am pulling out all stops!
Linda 	Really going hog wild, huh?
 	Miss Piggy grimaces and stares at Linda as everyone laughs, and Zuzu cries. Gonzo gives Piggy a tap on the arm.
Linda 	It's a figure of speech.
 	Back on the stage...
Fozzie 	Kermit the Frog, here is the first of your birthday greetings. Do you recognize this voice?
Mr. Dawson	(off-screen) Kermit, do you remember all the time we spent working on breathing exercises?!
Kermit 	Oh...I-I don't believe it. I-it's Mr. Dawson, my old acting coach!
Fozzie 	Yes! All the way from Leland, Mississippi...
Kermit 	Yeah?!
Fozzie 	...your old acting coach, Mr. Dawson!
 	
 	The curtains open and Mr. Dawson steps out, flailing his arms about and shouting with joy. The two frogs embrace, then flail and shout together.
Kermit 	Oh, Mr. Dawson! How great to see you!
Mr. Dawson	Oh, it's wonderful to be here!
Kermit 	Oh!
Mr. Dawson	What a terrific birthday party this is! Ahhh! (flails his arms)
Kermit 	(waving his arms as well) I don't believe it! It's my old acting teacher!
Mr. Dawson	Yes, what a treat! Ahhh! (exits)
Fozzie 	So, that's where he learned that!
Zuzu 	(appearing onstage) Gloria! I'll meet you in the parking lot after the show! (sobs)
Kermit 	Uh, Zuzu...Zuzu, listen, I meant to tell you...
Mr. Dawson	(re-entering) Young man, young man! That is no way to cry onstage!
Zuzu 	What?
Mr. Dawson	If you're gonna cry, cry! Waaaa!
 	Mr. Dawson waves his arms as he pretends to cry. Zuzu waves his bucket around, imitating. Fozzie whips out a tissue and starts crying as well.
Kermit 	Listen everybody...you guys...off the stage! Off, off, off, out, out, out! Off, out, out, out! (ushers everyone offstage) Uh, I gotta introduce our guest star. Ladies and gentlemen, the lovely Miss Linda Lavin!
 	
 	The curtains open, revealing Linda, the Electric Mayhem and a trio of back-up frogs. The band vamps in between Linda's lines.
Linda 	I wanna dedicate this song to Kermit. On your birthday, Kermit. Ay, happy birthday. Guys, let 'er rip!
 	
 	Linda and the group perform "The More I See You." After the song, Statler looks over the edge of the box toward the house.
Waldorf 	Hey, what are you doing?
Statler 	I dropped my gum. Hey, lady! Would you toss my gum up?
 	A blonde wig is thrown up into the theater box.
Statler 	You coulda taken it out of the wig first!
Waldorf 	(laughs)
==Backstage==
 	Linda walks down from the dressing rooms backstage to the Swedish Chef.
Swedish Chef	(mock Swedish) Linda!
Linda 	So glad to see ya'! I was hoping we could get a chance to talk. I'm a great admirer of your work.
Swedish Chef	(mock Swedish) P'shaw.
Linda 	Well, I mean it sincerely.
Swedish Chef	Yeah?
Linda 	Yeah.
Swedish Chef	Oh.
Linda 	So, what have you done for Kermit's birthday? Somethin' special, huh?
Swedish Chef	Oh! (mock Swedish) Smorgas-froggy! Hmm?
 	The Swedish Chef reveals his project - a slab of copped liver carved in Kermit's likeness.
Linda 	Is that a, uh...frog made out of chopped liver?
Swedish Chef	Ja, ja, ja! (mock Swedish) chopped liver-froggy! (hums)
Linda 	...chopped liver frog. Isn't that somethin'? Sure is original and sure does look like Kermit.
Swedish Chef	Mmm-hmm.
Linda 	Except, um, that you forgot the eyes.
Swedish Chef	(mock Swedish) forgot de googlies? Oooo...
Linda 	Yeah, but wait, look. I-with these, uh, eggies, you can make googlies. Look. (places eggs on the sculpture) How 'bout that?
Swedish Chef	(mock Swedish) de googlies.
Linda 	What do you think?
Swedish Chef	Oh! Mmmm, mmm.
Linda 	(places the pupils on the eyes) And little pieces of, you know, pimento? Looks good?
Swedish Chef	(inspecting the piece) Ja, ja! De Kermie googlies.
Linda 	It's really nice.
Swedish Chef	Mmm-hmmm.
Linda 	Except it's not green.
Swedish Chef	(inquisitive mock Swedish)
Linda 	Uh, green. Well, it's a frog. Kermit is green. But, uh...
Swedish Chef	(mock Swedish)
Linda 	Well, it's all right. He's...he's, uh, tan and, uh...
Swedish Chef	(interjects in mock Swedish)
 	The Swedish Chef grabs a can of green spray paint.
Linda 	No, uh...oh, no. You do't, uh, you don't wanna, uh, spray it with spray paint...
 	
 	The Swedish Chef spins his creation around, spraying it green. He hums "Bein' Green" to himself as he does so. Applause sounds when he finishes and probes Linda for her opinion.
Linda 	Well, uh, I've heard of liverwurst, but this...is liver-terrible.
==UK spot==
 	
 	Robin, seated beside a small pond in a glade, sings "Frog Kissin'," accompanied by a trio of frogs in guitar and banjo.
Statler 	Ever kissed a frog before?
Waldorf 	Never!
 	Three frogs, including an elderly one pop up.
Elderly Frog	No time like the present!
 	She kisses them both. She laughs as the geezers grimace.
==Veterinarian's Hospital==
 	Nurse Piggy inspects a cart of medical equipment, getting her snout stuck. She then pulls it loose and approaches the operating table.
Announcer	And now, Veterinarian's Hospital, the continuing stoooory of a quack who's gone to the dogs.
Rowlf 	Okay, where's the first patient, Nurse Janice?
Janice 	Here he is, Dr. Bob. Little Robin.
 	Dr. Bob pulls down the covers and finds Robin on the operating table.
Rowlf 	Ah!
Piggy 	(gasps)
Rowlf 	That doesn't look like a robin. Looks like a little toad. (all medics laugh)
Robin 	I'm not a toad, I'm a frog! My name is Robin.
Rowlf 	"Robin." That's a dumb name for a frog.
Robin 	Yeah? Wait 'til I tell my Uncle Kermit.
Rowlf 	Oh, yeah, Kermit. I forgot about him. Dumb names must run in the family. (laughs with Janice)
Janice 	Oh, fer sure.
Piggy 	Ah. (clears throat) Cool it, Dr. Bob, or your name'll be "Mud." Hmm.
Rowlf 	Oh, sorry. I forgot about you and the frog.
Piggy 	Mmm-hmmm. That's all right. Oh, but, just be careful of my dear little dear here. He'll soon be a relative of mine.
 	
Robin 	What?!
Piggy 	Mmm-hmmm. When I marry your Uncle Kermie, I'll become your Aunt Piggy. (kisses Robin)
Robin 	(grimaces) Yuch.
Piggy 	Why you-
Rowlf 	Uh, wait, wait, wait. I can't let you harm the patient. I'm a doctor, that's my job! (laughs with Janice)
Robin 	Listen, there's nothing wrong with me. I'm only here because it's a salute to frogs.
Piggy 	Hmph. The night is young. (Rowlf laughs)
Janice 	Dr. Bob, I haven't had a line in five minutes!
Rowlf 	Count your blessings.
Janice 	Well, one, I'm rully beautiful... (Piggy groans)
Rowlf 	To yourself.
Janice 	To everybody! (medics all groan)
Robin 	I don't understand this. Can I go now?
Rowlf 	No, not 'til we come to the end.
Announcer	And so we come to the end of another Veterinarian's Hospital.
 	The medics all search for the source of the voice. Piggy then puts Robin's arm in a stranglehold.
Announcer	Tune in next week where you'll hear Robin say...
Robin 	OW, Miss Piggy, you're hurting my arm!
Piggy 	Say it!
Robin 	Uncle! (her grip tightens) Ah, Aunt!
Piggy 	Awww.
Janice 	Fer sure.
 	Piggy lets go as they all laugh. Piggy gives Robin another kiss.
=="It Was a Very Good Year"==
Waldorf	You know, I hate to admit it, but I'm enjoying Kermit's birthday party.
Statler	Yeah, me too. Hey, when was your last birthday, Waldorf?
Waldorf	(chuckles) Years ago. Eh.
Statler	(laughs) Yeah, I stopped havin' 'em too. (both laugh)
Waldorf	Yep.
Statler	Yeah. Still, there were some pretty good years.
Waldorf	Oh, there were some very good years.
Statler	Yeah. Huh. When I was seventeen... (music begins)
Waldorf	Hmm?
Statler	It was a very good year.
Waldorf	Yeah. (singing)
It was a very good year
For small town girls and soft summer nights...
Statler	Oh, yes.
We'd hide from the lights
Waldorf	(chuckles) You too, huh?
Statler	Mmmm.
On a village, green
Both 	
When we were seventeen
 	
Statler	(laughs with Waldorf, then sighs) Oh.
When I was twenty-one
Waldorf	Yeah?
Statler	
It was a very good year
Waldorf	Hmmm.
Statler	
It was a very good year
For city girls who lived up the stair
Waldorf	Heh, yeah.
Statler	
With perfumed hair
Waldorf	Hmmm?
Statler	
That came undone
Waldorf	Hmmm.
Statler	
When I was twenty-one (chuckles)
Waldorf	Yeah. I don't remember that long ago.
Statler	(laughs)
Waldorf	How 'bout when you were sixty-three?
Statler	Oh, that was a year!
Waldorf	Hmm?
Statler	Yeah.
Waldorf	I broke my hip.
Statler	Huh?
Waldorf	Got to flirt with the nurse all year! (both laugh)
Statler	Yeah, well, my third wife left me. Ah, what a terrific year. (both laugh) W-what about when you were seventy-four?
Waldorf	Nah. That was the year my rheumatism came back.
Statler	Yeah, so did my third wife. (both laugh)
Waldorf	What a terrible year.
Statler	Oh, indeed, yeah.
But now the days are short
I'm in the autumn of the year
Waldorf	Huh.
Now I think of my life
As vintage wine from fine old kegs
Statler	Hmm.
From the brim to the dregs
Both 	
It poured sweet and clear
It was a very good year
 	Waldorf puts his arm around Statler as the two nod.
==Wayne and Wanda==
 	Kermit looks out onstage from the wings.
Kermit 	Oh, good grief! Nothing's onstage. (walks on to fanfare) Uh, uh, listen, ladies and gentlemen. I-I'm sorry that we haven't be able to get more of the regular show on so far, but I think now thinks are back to normal.
 	Scooter peeks out from behind the curtains.
Scooter 	Wanna bet?
Kermit 	Scooter, what are you doing out here?
Scooter 	(approaches Kermit) Kermit the Frog...this is your birthday!
Kermit 	(startled) Again?
Scooter 	You recognize these voices?
Wanda 	(off-screen) Kermit, we really enjoyed the year we spent on your show.
Wayne 	(off-screen) Yes, there were great times.
Kermit 	Oh, I don't believe it! I-it's our ol' singing duo, Wayna and Wanda!
 	The curtains open, revealing Wayne and Wanda. They all embrace.
 	
Wayne 	Kermit!
Kermit 	Oh, look at us!
Wayne 	Oh, Kermit!
Kermit 	Oh, hi, Wanda! Hello, Wayne! Ah, you look wonderful! Yeah! Oh, i-it must be nearly a year since we've seen each other.
Wanda 	Well, it's twenty-six months, exactly. (giggles)
Wayne 	Hmmm. Since the day you fired us!
Wanda 	Right.
Kermit 	(stammers) Fired you? Di-did I do that?
Wanda 	Oh, don't worry, Kermit. We're getting along just great.
Kermit 	Oh, good.
Wayne 	Hmmm. I'm fulfilling my lifetime ambition as a manual laborer!
Wanda 	Ah! Now, now, Wayne, you know we get along fine what with what we get from my mother...out of her pension money.
Wayne 	Hmmm. It's amazing how one can survive after one's career has been shot down.
 	Kermit is aghast over what he hears.
Wanda 	Yes. Uh, by the way, Kermit.
Kermit 	Hmm?
Wanda 	Why did you fire us?
Kermit 	Oh, I-I don't...it's been such a long time ago, I don't really remember why I fired you. I-I tell you what.
Wanda 	What?
Kermit 	Right now, on this very spot, I'm gonna re-hire you!
Wayne and Wanda	(gasp)
Kermit 	Yes!
Wayne 	No!
Kermit 	Yes I will! Ladies and gentlemen, here they are once again, Wayne and Wanda!
 	
Wayne 	Wanda! Oh, Wanda, my dear.
 	The curtains open to a romantic backdrop as the orchestra begins to play "Ah, Sweet Mystery of Life."
Wayne and Wanda	
Ah, sweet mystery of life
At last I've found you
(off-key) Noooowww....
 	Kermit rushes in and cuts them off.
Kermit 	Hey, wait, wait, now I remembered why I fired you! You're fired again! Get out, get out, get out!
Wayne 	But...but...twice? Twice?!
 	Kermit forces them off the stage.
==Dressing room==
 	Linda helps Piggy with her look for the closing number in the dressing room.
Piggy 	Oh, this next number means so much to moi. Oh, I am so tense!
 	
Linda 	Yes, I know. (buttoning Piggy's outfit) You do seem to be...inhale, Piggy.
Piggy 	(inhales)
Linda 	Now, exhale.
Piggy 	(exhales)
Linda 	...at the breaking point. There you go. You're fine.
Piggy 	Will, that hold?
Linda 	Yes.
Piggy 	Oh, how do I look?
Linda 	Beautiful!
Piggy 	Oh, do you like-you like everything?
Linda 	I love it.
Piggy 	You like the shoe-
 	Miss Piggy bends over, when suddenly, her dress tears.
Piggy 	Oh no!
Linda 	What?
Piggy 	How bad is it?
Linda 	Where is it? Oh, Piggy, it's not good! Wait, um...
Piggy 	Oh no!
 	Miss Piggy rushes to the mirror to see the rip herself. She screams.
Scooter	(off-screen) Onstage for the final number!
Linda 	Uh...oh, all right. Um, Piggy, um...no, Piggy...
Piggy 	(simultaneously, panicked) "All right?!" I'm on! What do I do?!
Linda 	Piggy...
 	Linda snaps Piggy out of her episode by slapping her across the face. Her hair ends up covering most of her face.
Piggy 	...thank you. (spits out hair) I needed that.
Linda 	(whispering) I'm sorry.
Scooter	(off-screen) Curtain going up!
Linda 	Yes, all right!
Piggy 	(simultaneously) ALL RIGHT! (embraces Linda) Oh, what do I do, Linda?
Linda 	Piggy...
Piggy 	What do I do?! Oh...
Linda 	Uh...I could do the number.
Piggy 	...dear, you could do the number! Oh, thank you!
Linda 	Oh, consider it done.
 	Linda kisses Piggy's hand and exits.
Piggy 	Ah, she could do the...she could do the number!? Must have been the slap.
=="Beyond the Blue Horizon"==
 	Kermit enters onstage.
Kermit	Uh, ladies and gentlemen, I promise there will be no more of this "birthday" nonsense. Instead, let us just sit back and enjoy our talented and charming guest star, the wonderful, Miss Linda Lavin!
 	A stage hook grabs Kermit and drags him offstage. The curtains slowly open, revealing Linda atop a large, silhouetted set piece. She begins to sing "Beyond the Blue Horizon."
 	
Linda 	
Beyond the blue horizon
Waits a beautiful day
Goodbye to things that bore you
Joy is waiting for you
You'll see a new horizon
Your life has only begun
Beyond the blue horizon
Lies a rising sun!
 	The set illuminates, revealing it to be a large birthday cake. Fozzie and Gonzo lead Kermit to the top, followed by several other Muppets, as they sing the verse twice more. Kermit comments as they make their way up, and Linda descends.
Gonzo 	Come on, Kermit! Come on!
Kermit	Uh, hey, hey! What's going on? Hey, c'mon guys! Stop pushing, Fozzie! Uh, uh...okay, do you have to push?! Uh, I don't like heights! I'm sorry about this, Linda.
 	
 	Fozzie and Gonzo prop Kermit at the very top of the cake. Linda rises in the foreground as everyone builds to the big finale. Kermit grimaces.
==Goodnights==
 	Kermit appears in front of the closing number scenery.
Kermit 	Okay. Well, it's been a very surprising evening, particularly for me. But, before we go, let us have a warm thank you for our very special guest star, ladies and gentlemen, Linda Lavin! Yaaay!
Linda 	(entering) Thank you. Thank you, Kermit. Thank you. I wanna tell you it's been a very great pleasure for me to be here and to be able to celebrate your birthday with everybody.
Kermit 	Uh...
Linda 	C'mon, everybody, let's go!
 	Scooter, Fozzie, Gonzo, Floyd, Camilla and Muppy enter.
Scooter	Yeah?
Linda 	Fooorrrr....
All 	
He's a good good fellow
For he's a golly good fellow
For he's a golly good felloooowww
 	As they sing, a large cake is wheeled in behind them.
Kermit 	What is that?
 	
 	On cue, Miss Piggy pops out from inside the cake.
Scooter	Ahhh!
Piggy 	Happy birthday, Kermie!
 	Everyone laughs and cheers, until Kermit interjects.
Kermit 	Uh, uh, listen, listen, everybody! I'm sorry, but I have a very embarrassing announcement to make...
Piggy 	What?
Kermit 	Uh, well, today is not my birthday. It's about four months from now.
Muppets	WHAT?!
Kermit 	Uh, we'll see you next time on The Muppet Show! Listen, I-I-I can explain. You see...
Piggy 	Linda! Linda, did you hear that?! I'm gonna get you! I'm gonna get him!
 	Chaos ensues as the closing theme begins.
Waldorf	Should old acquaintance be forgot...
Statler	Why are you singing that?
Waldorf	I forgot. (both laugh)
__NOWYSIWYG__
Category:Muppet Show Transcripts