S06E017: The Gang Fights the Group Formerly Known as the Four Horsemen

== Previously on MCVFD ==
We reappeared at the Drakeguard floating island, but instead of appearing indoors in the stargate departure room we usually use, we appear 20 ft in the air and fell to the ground, outside in the kinda of parade ground training area. Mama P is going to wave her hands and heal everyone - everyone can take the effect of a healing potion, restore one spell slot of every level, and your Drakeguard bracer is entirely recharged.
When we took over this floating island, we originally came up via the dock - this is that area, the front of the island before you get onto the main base. 
* 1 zone per turn, 2 if you are sprinting of running fast
* Horsemen are flanked by 16 cultists, which are going to break into 4 roaming groups of 4
* Practice Grounds has been enchanted to be non-lethal - characters who are killed there will fall unconscious.
* The danger zone is DOUBLE DAMAGE FOR TRAINING LOLOLOL
* Magic circle === advantage on spells
* Open hole has wood over it from the crane, and that hole goes all the way through the ground
* Gearbox is in an energy bubble
* You can duck behind low walls for cover
* Agility training is 30ft tall bamboo framework like a jungle gym / construction scaffolding from any jackie chan movie. Damage taken here needs an agility check to not fall, fall damage is doubled because of the jungle gym damage.
* Enchanted shooting platform lets you gain multi-attack ability for ranged attacks to help people train faster
* Tall statue of grandmaster has yet to be torn down, can snipe while on top
* Filing out on either side of us from the base behind us are the frostbite platoon
== Session ==
While the DM is putting organic material in his maw, we are quickly checking the scene and deciding what we’re going to do. Gearbox is currently a walking treasure bag that can open a portal to limbo through the gems glitter glued on his head.
* Kanye is exhausted at level 2, we’re going to use one scroll of Greater Restoration on him to bring him down one level
* Nissa gives him an inspiration dice, is going to cast slow
* Um is going to go to the top of the statue to snipe
* Averlyth is going to cast the scroll of Greater Restoration on Kanye
Kanye’s suit of armor apparently have the hiking pants zip-up things.
Um is running as fast as he can up this statue in the zone next to us, hiding for a good opportunity.
Sorith sprints to the magic circle with his monk speed and the boots from Qualish.
The cultists start fanning out, and 2 of the 4 groups head into the Magic Circle zone. One of them moves in to attack, the other moves past and spends their turn running towards the agility training. The cultists hit twice with slashing damage.
Sorith has Need for Speed on and punches one of the cultists so hard it fractures ihs silver cultist mask, which falls off his face and he looks really upset. He is bloodied.
Rose HIgh Head is wearing her intimidating red armor from before, and she comes just absolutely barreling across the parade grounds at Kanye. As she swings at him, he flips her with a polearm over his headband she goes flailing to towards the base; she pivots in midair like a cat, looking right at him, kicks off the doors and lands on her feet. She attacks again, piercing Kanye’s armor.
Rorith is still wearing his Rasputin look, but we all know it’s an illusion and he has actually been converted to a red Slaad. He runs towards the magic circle and goes to bite Sorith.
Sorith: Can my AC be +5 now?
None of the attacks hit with his monk speed + need for speed - he looks like Neo from the Matrix.
DM: Since none of them hit, you do not have to roll to be impregnated by a Slaad
Sorith: Oh, good.
Nissa: Dibs!
Averlyth runs by Kanye, tapping him to cast the scroll of Greater Restoration on him through an Averlyth-designated aperture; there’s a confetti explosion, now there’s glitter in her robes for weeks? Kanye is now at exhaustion level 1 instead. Averlyth keeps running to go hide ish behind one of the target practice dummies, staying further away from everything else going on.
Nissa casts slow on the baddies in the magic circle - the cultists are all hit, but Rorith dodges.
Esmeralda Moneybags, as per usual, manages to look infuriatingly bored by everything that is going on. (Rose is angry, Rorith is plotting, Esmeralda looks like she has somewhere better to be, and is slightly annoyed we’re taking so much of her time.
She walks calmly from her current position towards Gearbox, and along the way she begins casting a spell. Averlyth recognizes this as spirit guardians - when she is done, there is a small swarm of evil creepy looking faeries that are fluttering around her, cackling and laughing.
Averlyth: HEY
Averlyth: MY FUCKING BEES
She continues walking menacingly towards Gearbox.
Kanye spends his normal movement action to whip his Drakeguard bracer glasses off and strike a glare, casting Titanic Growth and Need for Speed simultaneously. Now that he’s big, he’s going to first present his scroll of (gigantic) pedigree and tell them to throw down their weapons or prepared to be destroyed. She does not.
Kanye hits Rose with a glaive, but she uses her reaction to parry.
Sorith: But that’s her reaction, so hit her 10 more times or whatever you’re doing.
Sorith: I have to hit 6 times in my turn too, you know.
Kanye tries to attack her again, this time hitting thanks to bardic inspiration. He hits her hard enough, she trips and falls prone. Now attacks against her at advantage.
For his second action, Kanye will repeat his name and hit her two more times, successfully. She’s now very bloodied. Also he did more than 69 damage - nice. He also uses an action surge.
The frostbite squad take a quick look around the group trying to decide who is in charge, and Ezra locks eyes with Kanye and Amelia locks eyes with Nissa.
Kanye points at the lady in the red armor and then gestures slicing his neck. Text scrolls across his visor like daft punk saying “kill lady in red suit”. Nissa say guard Gearbox.
Amelia marblehead takes half of frostbite platoon and surges forward to guard Gearbox. Ezra and his half of the squadron proceed to lay some hurt down on Rose.
Every single one of them hits her, thanks to her being prone. As a squad, they do 42 damage to Rose.
Amelia’s squad takes position between Esmeralda and Gearbox and they proceed to attack her, taking damage when they enter the zone of evil butterflies. Without advantage, they do less damage to Rose, but they do break her concentration - the spell disappears.
Um is now perched in his sniper hole at the top of the statue, with a commanding field of view of the entire area. Every turn he intends to emerge at a random location on the statue to surprise people, then do some kind of shooting (to be explained each time), then hide.
This time, he is activating Guided Shot to get an automated critical hit on Esmeralda Moneybags. She is now extremely bloodied.
Sorith has an angry rasputin-looking dude in front of him and a bunch of slowed cultists. First thing he’s going to do is smack the Drakeguard thing and he’s going to use Shake it Off. With Need for Speed, he has at least 4 attacks? 2 actions and 2 attacks per action??? And maybe use Qi points to keep punching depending on how things go.
3 hit, 1 miss, then using a Qi point to try and stun him - he critically fails and Rorith is now stunned until the end of Sorith’s next turn. Then he uses another Qi point on his bonus action to do a flurry of blows, at advantage since he’s now stunned - they both hit.
None of the (slowed) cultists near Sorith are able to hit him. 
The cultists in the open hole zone run to the target practice and hit Averlyth, dealing massive slashing damage.
The squad in the practice grounds run into the middle to hit the dwarves, the squad in the agility training facility sprint down to attack the dwarves down near the base. The dwarves fend off their attackers well enough.
Rose dives between Kanye’s legs and runs to the center, standing guard next to Miss Moneybags. Kanye chooses not to make an opportunity attack at disadvantage.
Rorith regenerates 10 health on his turn because he is a Slaad but is still stunned.
Averlyth turns invisible and runs past the cultists into the open hole zone - none of them are able to hit her (thankfully), and she casts Mass Healing Word on everyone minus Um (who is at full health) and 2 of the most damaged dwarves in Amelia’s group. This also reveals her.
Nissa sees Averlyth disappear and knows she must be in another zone, then risks casting Lightning Bolt from her bracer on the cultists that were hitting her back in target practice. They all just died. She tapped her laughing amulet, makes a joke that “pleases the DM”  (who was laughing at how flat the joke was) and then gets some HP back.
Nissa goes “Gearbox, it’s okay buddy!”
Moneybags casts Mask your wounds - a wave of horrible-looking energy arcs out from her towards the other two horsemen and herself, healing all of them rather significantly. Then she casts shield of faith - a shimmering field appears over Rose Highhead, granting her a bonus to AC (but not helping Esmeralda).
Kanye goes for Esmeralda, then has 2 critical hits.
Kanye: So she’s gotta make a save, or go prone. Unless she’s dead, in which I don’t care.
She dies and the shield on Rose drops.
Kanye: I’m sorry, did I break your concentration?
Kanye: I wanted to say that last time, but I didn’t get the chance.
Rose looks furious, so Kanye goes for her next.
Kanye: can i use a pushing attack to put her in the hole?
DM: no
Kanye: can i use two pushing attacks to put her in the hole?
DM: ...
Kanye: how many pushing attacks can i use to put her in the hole
The DM reminds Kanye that the hole is still covered by scaffolding.
DM: You know what? You have a whip.
Kanye: Oh yeah, that was plan A.
Kanye makes a critical pushing attack on Rose, subsequently flinging a dead body into the Magic Circle. He strolls over to Sorith and Rorith, who is still stunned.
DM: If you get another crit, I’m calling bullshit.
Kanye: You have no idea how much money I paid D&D Beyond..
The frostbite platoon in the middle stab all of the cultists. All of the dwarves by the base attack the cultists, but they all miss.
Um casts Guided Shot again, takes aim at Rorith, and then critically shoots him with the laser pistol. He is now bloodied.
Sorith is going to punch Rorith at least five times maybe six, thereby killing him.
He spends a Qi point to keep hitting the cultists.
Sorith: See how fast I can take my turn?
Kanye: Next time I’ll take a monk instead of a fighter.
DM: Yes, that will help.
The cultists panic and run away. It’s unclear on where they are running to, but they want no more part of this. Sortih punches on one the way out, but he doesn’t die. Kanye takes an attack of opportunity on the same cultist, knocking him unconscious.
We didn’t lose a single dwarf in the Frostbite platoon! They help round up the remaining cultists, who realized they had nowhere to run off to off the island.
The four horsemen of the apocalypse and the director herself teleports down and touches Gearbox, freeing him from his energy bubble. He’s now free, healthy and safe. Nissa immediately runs up and hugs him and he hugs her back.
The Director looks extremely proud and extremely tired; it’s only now that we realize it must have taken out of her to teleport up to the roof, stop the horsemen from just walking out, and buffing all of us at once. She’s very obviously recovering, but still up and alert.
She tells us we’ve done a fantastic job. Conquering the horsemen is not always achieved. We usually succeed in beating them, they’ve never opened up a portal yet, but very rarely has a crew have been able to defeat them as utterly as you have. You should all be extremely proud. Some rest and celebration is in order, and then we’ll talk about what comes next.
Next time we’ll take some down time and level up.