Transcripts/My Little Pony Best Gift Ever

:Alice: [voiceover] 'Twas a single day left before Hearth's Warming Eve,
:Everypony was busy, so much to achieve;
:They hustled and bustled, their heads were a-spin,
:And it's here that our holiday story begins...
:Rainbow Dash: [grunts, to Twilight] Do we wanna know why you're wrapping up everypony in town?
:Spike: Not wrapping paper. A to-do list.
:[teleportation zaps]
:Twilight Sparkle: Two of these! Three of those! I'm gonna need ten of those! Just in case!
:Rarity: Twilight, darling, are you all right?
:Twilight Sparkle: Sure! Just-grabbing-a-few-things-do-I-need-this-no-that's-silly-I-need-eight!
:Applejack: Hey, y'all! What's everypony—? Ohhh. Traditional holiday meltdown?
:Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Rarity, Spike, Pinkie Pie: Uh-huh.
:Twilight Sparkle: [hyperventilating]
:Applejack: [calmly and quietly] Hey, Twilight. How's your day?
:Twilight Sparkle: I got way behind grading midterms, and Cadance and Shining Armor are coming here with Flurry Heart for Hearth's Warming Eve, and I haven't started decorating, and I don't know what to get any of you, and—!
:Applejack: Stop! Take a breath.
:Twilight Sparkle: [inhales deeply]
:Applejack: Now let it out sloooooooooowwww...
:Twilight Sparkle: [exhales slowly]
:Applejack: Now, I think I have an idea that might help. What if we change up how we give gifts this year and do a Hearthswarmin' Helper?
:Fluttershy: What's a Hearthswarming Helper?
:Applejack: Whenever the whole Apple family got together, there were just so many of us, it didn't make sense to buy everypony gifts. So we'd put our names in a hat...
:Pinkie Pie: Ooh, a game of chance! Tell me more.
:Applejack: ...then we'd pull a name, but keep it a secret.
:Pinkie Pie: A dash of mystery. Good. Good.
:Applejack: Instead of buyin' everypony a present, you just get one for the pony you picked from the hat.
:Pinkie Pie: Wait. So instead of lots of presents, I only buy one of you a present? What kind of game is this?!
:Rarity: Well, it would save time.
:Spike: And you could get the pony you pick something really nice. [sighs]
:Rainbow Dash: [clears throat] The less shopping, the better. In!
:Fluttershy: Will that help, Twilight?
:Twilight Sparkle: I was stressed about shopping.
:Pinkie Pie: [sighs] Fine. I will only buy one present for my secret Hearthswarming Helper buddy.
:Applejack: We just need to put everypony's name in this here hat.
:[ripping and writing]
:Applejack: Y'all ready? No peekin'.
:[music]
:Pinkie Pie: So excited! Aah! Too excited! I don't wanna give anything away!
:[zipping]
:Pinkie Pie: Wheeee!
:Rarity: When will the gift exchange occur?
:Rainbow Dash: How about Twilight's castle tomorrow night, Hearth's Warming Eve?
:Applejack: That's perfect! Pinkie and I can spend the evenin' with y'all and the next mornin' with our families!
:Twilight Sparkle: And thanks to all of you, I should be ready to celebrate by then!
:Fluttershy: Oh, this is so exciting!
:Spike: Uh... Um, Applejack, is it against the rules to trade names? Like if I had a better idea for somepony special? I mean specific?
:Applejack: If you can figure out who has the pony you want and they're okay with tradin', I guess it's fine.
:Spike: Great! So, uh, who do you—?
:Applejack: I don't have Rarity.
:Spike: What?! That's not who I—!
:Applejack: Uh-huh.
:[doors open]
:Spike: Heeeey, Twilight! Whatcha planning to get your secret pony?
:Twilight Sparkle: Not sure. I'm getting the castle ready for my family first. Then I'll shop.
:Spike: Maybe something sparkly? Fashionable?
:Twilight Sparkle: No! Those aren't really the kind of things my pony likes.
:Spike: Oh. Welp, gotta go! Wish me luck!
:Twilight Sparkle: With shopping?
:Spike: Well, yeah! If everypony's only getting one gift, we have a ton of responsibility to make sure it's extra-special good.
:Twilight Sparkle: I didn't think of it that way. The present I get for Pinkie Pie should make or break her holiday. I can't just go shopping and hope to find something nice. This needs forethought, planning, research! I'll decoarate later. Knowing Pinkie, she probably already has a perfect idea what to get her pony.
:Pinkie Pie: I have no idea what to get my pony!
:Limestone Pie: There's a pile of presents right there. Pick one, and you're done.
:Pinkie Pie: Those were for when I was getting all of my friends matching harmony Hearth's Warming hats! Now it's just Twilight! [sobs] I can't give one pony a matching present with nothing to match it! I need something special for only her!
:[shatter!]
:Maud Pie: [deadpan] I've got it.
:Pinkie Pie: I don't think Twilight likes rocks as much as you do, Maud.
:Maud Pie: [deadpan] Don't rock it 'til you try it.
:[boing!]
:Marble Pie: [giggles]
:Gummy: [sticks tongue out]
:Pinkie Pie: Thanks for the vote of confidence, Gummy. But this is the biggest holiday challenge I've ever faced!
:[crunch!]
:Pinkie Pie: [to Limestone] Uh, this one's for you. Hey! This is the biggest holiday challenge I've ever faced! How exciting is that?! Am I up for the challenge? I know I'm good at gift-giving, but am I the best at gift-giving?
:Limestone Pie: Who would say they're the best at gift-giving? That's ridiculous.
:Marble Pie: Uhhhh—
:Pinkie Pie: Marble, you're a genius! Yaks would say they're the best at gift-giving! If anypony knows what to do, it's them! I gotta go to Yakyakistan! Thanks! These Pie sister talks are the best! [smooching]
:Spike: Pinkie!
:Pinkie Pie: I don't have Rarity!
:Spike: Whoa!
:[thud]
:Rarity: Oh! [chuckles] How's your shopping going, Spike?
:Spike: Uh, fine!
:Rarity: [whispering] Which pony did you get?
:Spike: I can't... remember?
:Rarity: I've got Applejack, darling. She's going to adore her present. There's a brilliant designer in Manehattan – Fedora Felt – who makes the most marvelous hats. I asked for a new take on western chic that would be the envy of every farm pony in Equestria.
:Spike: That's a great gift, Rarity. I hope I can find something for my pony as special as you are. Uh, she is! U-Uh, bye!
:[zip!]
:Rainbow Dash: Okay, what about your favorite food?
:Fluttershy: Ooh. I couldn't pick just one. What if it hurt the other foods' feelings?
:Rainbow Dash: Riiiiight... But there's gotta be something you really, really like.
:Fluttershy: I really, really like... everything! Why do you ask?
:Rainbow Dash: Juuuust getting gift ideas. Uh, for my pony. Who isn't you. So, uh, is there anything you don't like?
:Fluttershy: Hmmm... Not liking things!
:Rainbow Dash: [groaning]
:Fluttershy: I hope that helped!
:[sparkly sounds]
:Spike: Hey, Fluttershy! Thinking of getting that for your Hearthswarming Helper?
:Fluttershy: Mm-hmm. She loves shiny things.
:Spike: [overacted] I wish I knew what my secret pony wanted. She's so hard to shop for.
:Fluttershy: Oh, no. Maybe I could help. Unless you don't want to—
:Spike: Rainbow Dash.
:Fluttershy: Oh! I was just talking to Rainbow Dash about these—
:Spike: Great idea! We should trade ponies!
:Fluttershy: Wait. Trade?
:Spike: Well, Applejack said it's not against the rules. And you know what Rainbow Dash likes, so it's perfect. [gasps] Rarity?! What a surprise! [chuckles] Thanks!
:[zip!]
:Applejack: There you are! I need your help.
:Fluttershy: Do you want to trade names, too?
:Applejack: What? No. I just need help figurin' out what to get Spike.
:Fluttershy: Phew!
:[door closes]
:Rainbow Dash: Candle. Great. Whatever. Fluttershy-shopping done.
:Discord: Ugh. You can't honestly be serious.
:Rainbow Dash: Ghost candle!
:[thud]
:Discord: A candle is what you buy when you have no idea what to get somepony.
:Rainbow Dash: [groans] What do you want, Discord?
:[poof]
:Discord: Fluttershy told me about this Hearth's whatever-it's-called. I may not be invited, but I wanted to make sure she gets a quality gift.
:[clunk]
:Rainbow Dash: I tried asking her what she likes, but she likes everything.
:Discord: Well, she says that, but her real friends know what she actually likes.
:Rainbow Dash: I've known her a lot longer than you have.
:[poof]
:Discord: Then you must surely know that lit candles around adorably flammable animals make her nervous, don't you?
:[sheep bleats]
:Rainbow Dash: [groans] Fine. I'll get her something else.
:[plane engine roaring]
:Discord: Perhaps I'll tag along to steer you in the right direction.
:Rainbow Dash: Whoa!
:[door opens]
:Spike: I can't wait to give Rarity her gift. It'll be just as special and beautiful and amazing as she is. Just imagine when she opens it and sees... uh, sees... I have no idea what to get her! [sobbing]
:Fluttershy: I come to the Rainbow Falls Hearth's Warming Craft Fair every year. They have perfect presents for anypony.
:Applejack: Hopefully, anydragon, too. Wanna split up? Meet back here in an hour?
:Fluttershy: Sure.
:Flam: Oh, no! There's only a few left!
:[excited chatter]
:Flim: Fillies and gentlecolts, we want you all to have the best holiday your bits can buy! But there are only a limited number left!
:Fluttershy: [to Flam] Limited number of what?
:Flam: Why, you don't know about Holly the Hearth Warmer?
:[ponies gasp]
:Flim: You seem like somepony looking for a gift for a very special friend.
:Fluttershy: I am!
:Flim: A friend who wouldn't want to miss out on the must-have gift everypony is talking about?
:Fluttershy: She certainly wouldn't wanna miss out on that.
:Flim: A truly awesome friend who deserves something twenty percent cooler than any other gift out there?
:Fluttershy: That sounds just like her!
:Flim: Well, look no further! This is it!
:Fluttershy: Ooh! Ooh! How much does it cost?!
:Flim: How much do you have?
:Prince Rutherford: Yojan! Is that good angle for optimal smashing?!
:Yojan: [whimpers]
:Prince Rutherford: [snorts]
:Pinkie Pie: Guess who!
:Prince Rutherford: Yojan?
:Pinkie Pie: No, silly!
:Prince Rutherford: Ingville? Tormand? No, no, wait! Grimhorn!
:Pinkie Pie: Nope-ity, nope, nein, and nyet! It's me!
:Prince Rutherford: Aww, Prince Rutherford knew it Pink Pony all along! Yaks best at guessing.
:Pinkie Pie: Yaks best at everything! That's why I'm here. Sorry to interrupt Snilldar Fest, but I need help. Can you tell me where to find... [imitating yaks] best gift ever?! [echoes]
:[crows cawing]
:Prince Rutherford: [exclaims] Not here! Follow this way!
:[zip!]
:Prince Rutherford: [whispering] Prince Rutherford about to tell honorary yak friend something very top secret.
:Pinkie Pie: Honorary yak friend listening.
:Prince Rutherford: [whispering] Yaks best at all things except one. Yaks not best at giving gifts.
:Pinkie Pie: [gasps] What?!
:Prince Rutherford: [whispering] I know! It hard to believe!
:Pinkie Pie: How am I gonna figure out how to give Twilight the best Hearth's Warming gift ever?!
:Prince Rutherford: [whispering] Oh, no worry, honorary yak. Prince Rutherford keep secret map in perfectly organized files.
:[clatter!]
:Prince Rutherford: Best gift givers up northern pass, where sky shimmers and glows. There, secret gift giver grove. Only yak princes and pink honorary yak know.
:[zipper zips]
:Pinkie Pie: [muffled] My lips are sealed.
:Pinkie Pie: [shouting] Time for my top-secret quest to the Gift Givers!
:[bell dinging]
:Derpy: Oh, hi, Rarity. How can I help you?
:Rarity: I expected a package today, and I was wondering where that might be.
:Derpy: Oh, okay. Uh, let's check. Name?
:Rarity: Uh, Rarity?
:Derpy: [clears throat, mumbles] Oh! Here we go! Your package was delivered to Sweet Apple Acres.
:Rarity: What?! It was supposed to be delivered to Rarity's Boutique!
:Derpy: Um... okay... but... now, the package was for Applejack, and she is at Sweet Apple Acres.
:Rarity: [low growl] Yes, it's for Applejack, but I will be delivering it.
:Derpy: Uh... that's my job.
:Rarity: It's a gift for Applejack from me.
:Derpy: [gasps] What if she opens it?! It shouldn't go to Sweet Apple Acres! Oh! Wait! It went to Sweet Acorn Orchard instead! [laughs] Oh, well, that's a relief.
:Rarity: Why is that a relief?!
:Derpy: Because Applejack's not in Sweet Acorn Orchard. Do you want me to get the package and deliver it to her?
:Rarity: No! [clears throat] Uh, may I have the address for Sweet Acorn Orchard? I think I'll just collect the package myself.
:Derpy: Are you sure? 'Cause I would be happy to—
:Rarity: You have helped so much already.
:Derpy: Break time!
:Spike: Shopping for Rarity. No problem. She likes lots of stuff. I just need something special.
:Pony Vendor 1: Brand-new top-of-the-line sewing equipment?
:Pony Vendor 2: A priceless rhinestone necklace?
:"Top Notch": A sculpture of Rarity made from smaller sculptures of Rarity?
:Spike: [gasps] Oooh... Wow! Awesome! Shopping for Rarity. Slight problem. She likes lots of stuff. But nothing is special enough!
:[ponies conversing]
:Discord: Oh, goodness, no.
:Rainbow Dash: Ugh!
:Discord: Even worse!
:Rainbow Dash: Oh, come on! Fluttershy would love a spa day!
:Discord: Really? Love the stress of deciding which treatment to get? Love worrying that she's not relaxing enough? Or relaxing too much? And what about all those sweet animals she's left alone?! So much to worry about, and all because of you.
:Rainbow Dash: She's Fluttershy! Everything makes her worry!
:Discord: Now you sound like somepony who knows her!
:Rainbow Dash: Well, if you're such an expert on Fluttershy, what did you get her?
:Discord: Oh, and you honestly expect me to tell you what I got Fluttershy so that you can one-up me? Well, I have half a mind to stop helping you entirely.
:Rainbow Dash: Good! Please stop helping me! I'm begging you!
:Discord: Well, I suppose I could tell you what my backup present was.
:Rainbow Dash: [sarcastically] Great. Still helping.
:Discord: It would've made a lovely addition to her animal sanctuary. But you have to be the fastest pony in Equestria to even have a chance of—
:Rainbow Dash: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa. You're talking to the fastest pony in Equestria! If there's some fast animal out there Fluttershy would love, I'm the one who can get it.
:Discord: Oh, I just don't know.
:Rainbow Dash: I'm calling it! Dibs!
:Discord: If you insist. [snaps]
:[poof]
:Twilight Sparkle: The ideal gift for Pinkie Pie needs to be A – unique, B – specific to her personality, and C – food-based. What is a unique food? Cupcakes? Nah. Cookies? Nope. Pies? Pastries? Pudding? [gasps] Wait! [echoing] Puuuuuuuuuuuudding! [reading] "After defeating the Windigos, the Earth pony, Pegasi, and unicorn nations prepared the first Hearth's Warming meal together. Chancellor Puddinghead made a pudding so delicious, legends were written about it!" This is it! Unique, totally Pinkie, the most incredible dessert ever!
:[pages flipping]
:Twilight Sparkle: Where's the recipe?!
:Applejack: I've narrowed down my choices for Spike to fire-dancing sticks, or a Power Ponies comic. Unenchanted, I think. Aah! What is that?!
:Fluttershy: Holly the Hearth's Warmer doll. Isn't she sweet?
:[pullstring winds]
:Holly the Hearth's Warmer Doll: [Flim's voice] I love being an expensive toy!
:Applejack: Egh. Why'd you think that was a good gift for Rainbow Dash?
:Fluttershy: It's the must-have gift of the season. And in short supply.
:Applejack: "Short supply", huh? How much did that set you back?
:Fluttershy: All my bits. All my bits? Can I borrow some for the train ride home?
:[bits jingle]
:Applejack: Somethin' about this here doll seems fishy. And I ain't just talkin' about the smell of that plastic. Where'd you get it?
:[ponies chattering]
:[music]
:Applejack: Flim and Flam! What are those two Hearth's Warmin' hooligans up to now?!
:[wind whistling]
:[creaking]
:[knock, knock!]
:[door opens]
:Rarity: Uh, is this Sweet Acorn Orchard?
:Butternut: It is. But we've never had no pony like you visit before.
:Rarity: Rarity. Uh, pleasure. I'm actually here about a package that was recently deliv—
:Oak Nut: Oh, that was from you?
:Rarity: [sighs] So it did arrive! [chuckles] Uh, if I could just—
:Butternut: We don't know how to thank you!
:Rarity: Thank me?
:[clatter]
:[tea pouring]
:Oak Nut: I was just sayin' to Butternut I wish we knew who our Hearth's Warming miracle was.
:Butternut: Oak Nut and I couldn't believe it when we opened it. Pistachio said right away whoever sent it just got him.
:Oak Nut: Says when he put it on, he could feel his destiny.
:Rarity: As an... acorn farmer?
:Pistachio: [scoffs] A farmer?! Filly, please! This is a Fedora Felt original! Look at this bold stitching. These daring textures. It's a whole new take on western chic. There is no way I would wear it in the grove!
:Butternut: We don't know where he got his fashion sense.
:Oak Nut: Heh. Far as we know, a hat's a hat.
:Pistachio: Except when it's art.
:Butternut: Thank you, Rarity.
:Pistachio: Rarity? The Rarity?!
:Rarity: Mm-hmm.
:Pistachio: You have to stay for lunch! I won't take no for an answer!
:Rarity: Oh, well, I, uh... I would be delighted.
:[door opens]
:Twilight Sparkle: The recipe for Chancellor Puddinghead's magical pudding was filed under "Magical Spells", not "Recipes". Only took four hours to figure that out. Let's see. Nutmeg, sugarplums, gingerbread, candy canes... [reading] "Warning – To avoid untold culinary devastation, each ingredient must be measured with exact care." [laughs] Book, have you met me?!
:[knocking on door]
:[door opens]
:Shining Armor and Princess Cadance: Happy Hearth's Warming!
:Flurry Heart: [squeals]
:Twilight Sparkle: But you're early. Your scroll said you were coming tomorrow.
:Princess Cadance: Uh, the scroll we sent yesterday?
:Twilight Sparkle: Yesterday. Right. Welcome! Uh, what are you doing?
:Shining Armor: Decorations not up. Frazzled mane. Determined look. I've seen this before. What are you obsessing about this time, Twily?
:Twilight Sparkle: Nothing!
:Shining Armor: So, decorations aren't up because...?
:Twilight Sparkle: Uh, I thought it would be more fun if we all decorated it together!
:Princess Cadance: Oh, that sounds wonderful. We could start decorating right aw—
:Twilight Sparkle: After I finish one quick errand. Just a few ingredients. Nothing to obsess about here! [laughs] Make yourselves at home. Be right back! Promise!
:[teleportation zap]
:Princess Cadance: She's definitely freaking out about something.
:Shining Armor: Oh, yeah.
:[bouncing]
:[wind howling]
:[clang!]
:[cranking sounds]
:Pinkie Pie: [grunting]
:[bear growls]
:[door opens]
:Aurora: By Blitzen's beard, it took you long enough!
:Pinkie Pie: Aah!
:[door closes]
:Pinkie Pie: Are you sure you were expecting me? My name is—
:Aurora: Pinkie Pie. I know. Because I know everything.
:Alice: Oh, don't be silly. You only know what's already happened. But you don't know what she's about to ask.
:Pinkie Pie and Alice: What am I about to ask? How did you know I was gonna say that?!
:Bori: Will you two stop showing off? She doesn't have all Hearth's Warming.
:Pinkie Pie: Who are you reindeer?
:Aurora: Aurora.
:Bori: Bori.
:Alice: Alice.
:Aurora, Bori, and Alice: The Gift Givers of the Grove!
:Pinkie Pie: Ooh! And you can help me give Twilight the best gift ever?!
:Bori and Alice: Mm-hmm!
:Aurora: What about those matching hats? They were so cute.
:Pinkie Pie: Well, that was—
:Bori: Before she had to get just one gift for Twilight. Try to keep up, Aurora.
:Alice: I'm gonna get that box Pinkie is gonna say she likes.
:Bori: Aurora remembers gifts that have already happened. Alice knows the gifts that are going to happen. I just stay in the moment and keep the two of them in line. Speaking of, I believe we have a request for a gift.
:Aurora: The best gift is more precious than gold, but it cannot be sold.
:Bori: When it breaks, it's not ended, for quickly it's mended.
:Alice: It can never be bought yet is easily sought. Ah! Here we go!
:[paper rustling]
:Pinkie Pie: Ooh! I like that box!
:Alice: Told ya.
:[shimmering]
:Pinkie Pie: [gasps] The perfect gift! Wow! I don't get it.
:Alice: You will.
:[bits jingling]
:Flim: We said no refunds!
:Applejack: [clears throat]
:Flim: Oh. You.
:Applejack: What are y'all doin' with these dolls and that ridiculous getup? Don't you have a resort to run?
:Flim: It's off-season. Besides, we're planning an expansion.
:Flam: And expansions cost bits.
:[clang!]
:Flim and Flam: Flim and Flam's Fro-Yo Flume Ride!
:Fluttershy: Well, that sounds fu—
:Applejack: It ain't no excuse for sellin' cheap dolls to ponies.
:Flim: We're just giving ponies what they want.
:Flam: Shopping for the perfect gift is stressful.
:Fluttershy: Oh, that's true.
:[zip!]
:Flim: You want to get something that really stands out.
:Fluttershy: I do.
:Applejack: [groans]
:Flam: And when you tell your friend you got them the hottest gift in Rainbow Falls, what'll they say?
:Fluttershy: "Woo-hoo"?
:Holly the Hearth's Warmer Doll: [Flim's voice] The more you spend, the more your friend knows you love them!
:Fluttershy: Oh, right. They really are good at selling things.
:Flim: You may not like it.
:Flam: But technically, we're not doing anything wrong.
:Flim: Ponies are desperate for the right gift.
:Flam: And who are you to tell them this isn't it?
:Flim: If ponies get tired of Holly after a few days...
:Flam: ...or she falls apart, who really got hurt?
:Flim and Flam: Nopony!
:Flim: Don't let the curtain hit ya on the way out.
:Fluttershy: Of course Rainbow Dash wouldn't want this! I'm so mad, I could just... kick!
:[thunk]
:Fluttershy: [pained noise]
:Applejack: Convincin' ponies to buy that doll ain't in the holiday spirit!
:Fluttershy: But Flim and Flam have a point. We can't tell ponies what to buy.
:Hughbert Jellius: [smooch]
:Applejack: Huh. But maybe we can show 'em!
:[snow crunching]
:[thud]
:Rainbow Dash: Guh. Could you try to make less noise?
:Discord: [whispering] Of course! [snaps]
:[poof]
:[action music]
:Discord: We'll move silently.
:[poof]
:Discord: Blend into the shadows. The winterchilla will never hear us coming.
:Rainbow Dash: Winterchilla?
:Discord: Small, adorable, fuzzy, and fast. But they're so rare, there's no telling where they— Oh, there's one right there!
:[winterchilla squeaks]
:Discord: Now, if you're going to get it, I think the first move is to—
:[zip!]
:Rainbow Dash: Be super fast?
:Spike: Making a gift is way more personal than buying it. [blows] Rarity loves things that take time and effort. I'm sure this one will be the one that works. [yawns] I just need to... stay focused and... [snoring]
:[ponies chattering]
:Flim: Have a wonderful holiday. And remember, no refunds. Next!
:Flam: What are you doing here?
:Applejack: Same as everypony else.
:[bits jingle]
:Applejack: I want a Hearth's Warmer. In fact, I want three!
:Flim: Seriously?
:Applejack: [overacted] After I saw my friend here with hers, I knew I had to buy some for my granny, my brother, and my little sister!
:Flim: Yeah, yeah, great story. Next!
:Fluttershy: [overacted] But, Applejack, your granny, your brother, and your sister, they are all so different. How can the same doll be the right gift for all of them?
:[ponies murmuring]
:"Burning passion": Oh. Well, that might be true.
:Applejack: [overacted] But, Fluttershy, this is the must-have gift of the season.
:Fluttershy: [overacted] Just because it's must-have for one pony doesn't mean it's must-have for everypony, does it?
:Applejack: [overacted] That's true! I guess I need to put more thought into getting the right gift for each pony. Can I return these?
:Flim and Flam: No refunds!
:[beat]
:Applejack: Oh, uh, you want 'em? I'm gonna go pick out gifts that are just as special as the ponies they're for.
:"Minty Bubblegum" I... think I'm gonna do some more shopping, too.
:[ponies agreeing]
:Flim: Now, hang on a moment! Wait! Come back!
:Flam: We'll give you a great deal!
:Flim and Flam: Buy one, get one free?!
:Applejack: [sighs] The sweet sounds of the season.
:Butternut: It's a shame you got to leave.
:Rarity: Oh, you've been so generous. But I must get home for a previous engagement. I'll be keeping an eye on you, Pistachio. I have the feeling you've got quite the future in fashion.
:Pistachio: Rarity! Rarity! I love my parents, but... they don't understand that we just had lunch with one of the most famous ponies in Equestria.
:Rarity: Oh, I don't know about most famous. [giggles]
:Pistachio: I know you didn't send a Fedora Felt original to some nopony you've never met from Nowhere, Equestria. I'm sure this is actually for somepony special, so... if you want it back, I get it.
:Rarity: The hat is indeed for somepony very special. And I couldn't bear to see him part with it.
:Pistachio: [gasps] Oh, thank Celestia! Because I did not want to give this up! [chuckles]
:Rarity: But if I hear you call yourself a nopony again, you shan't be my guest for Fashion Week in Manehattan.
:Pistachio: W-What—? S-Seriou—? Wha—?!
:Rarity: [softly] Sorry, Applejack.
:[ponies shouting angrily]
:[train whistle blows]
:Applejack: Puttin' those two in their places makes me all warm and fuzzy inside.
:Fluttershy: Ooh. But we never got gifts for Spike or Rainbow Dash, and it's already Hearth's Warming Eve.
:Applejack: It probably ain't what they're expectin', but we still got these. Yay.
:Fluttershy: Don't do that.
:[splashing]
:[shimmering]
:Princess Cadance: Flurry loved sledding.
:Shining Armor: Too bad her aunt wasn't there.
:Twilight Sparkle: Shh!
:[plop]
:[shimmer]
:Flurry Heart: Ooh!
:Twilight Sparkle: There. Ingredients measured exactly. Now, what were you saying?
:Shining Armor: Hi, remember us? We came all the way from the Crystal Empire for some quality family time?
:Twilight Sparkle: Okay, I did get a little stressed about Hearth's Warming this year.
:Flurry Heart: [baby sounds]
:[shimmer]
:Flurry Heart: Ooh!
:Shining Armor: [laughs] What? You? Never!
:Twilight Sparkle: So my friends decided we should do a Hearthswarming Helper and give one pony a present to save time.
:Princess Cadance and Shining Armor: [laugh]
:Twilight Sparkle: What?
:Shining Armor: Let me guess. You got super worried about making sure the present was perfect and went all Twily-nanas, didn't you?
:Twilight Sparkle: I wasn't Twily-nanas! Okay, fine. A little Twily-nanas.
:Princess Cadance: Twilight, we know you get overwhelmed. You should have just told us. We could've helped.
:Twilight Sparkle: The good news is Pinkie's present is almost done, and it's just friends and family and a calm, quiet Hearth's Warming Eve.
:[door closes]
:[bubbling]
:[ominous music]
:Discord: [tearfully] Goodbye. Enjoy your exclusive pony-only holiday gathering. I'll just be home, spending quality time with... myself.
:Rainbow Dash: Uh... I wouldn't have this little fella without you, so... if you wanna join, Fluttershy would love having you. And I wouldn't totally hate it.
:Discord: Great! Awesome! In that case— Oh, look! Sunset! It's officially Hearth's Warming Eve!
:[winterchilla grunting]
:Rainbow Dash: What is it doing?
:[winterchilla growling]
:Discord: Oh. Uh, did I forget to mention that the winterchilla transforms into a winterzilla when the sun sets?
:[winterzilla growling]
:Fluttershy: How did everypony's shopping go?
:Rarity: Well...
:Pinkie Pie: Uh...
:Applejack: Yeeeeeah...
:[knock, knock]
:Spike: Coming!
:[door opens]
:Spike: [gasps, chuckles]
:Pinkie Pie: Did you get attacked by a party?
:Spike: I fell asleep. On somepony's present.
:Twilight Sparkle: Run!
:Rest of main cast: [gasps]
:Twilight Sparkle: The pudding is coming!
:Rainbow Dash: Run! The winterzilla is coming!
:[crash!]
:[crumbling]
:[winterzilla roaring]
:All but Discord: [gasp]
:[winterzilla growls]
:Rainbow Dash: What is that?!
:Twilight Sparkle: Magic pudding! What is that?!
:[winterzilla roars]
:Rainbow Dash: A winterchilla!
:Twilight Sparkle: They turn into winterzillas after dark!
:Rainbow Dash: Does everypony know this except me?!
:[sparkling sounds]
:Spike: Aah!
:Twilight Sparkle: [gasps] You like the sparkly?
:[winterzilla growls]
:Twilight Sparkle: Just follow it this way!
:Spike: Is this honestly the best plan we can come up with?!
:[winterzilla growls]
:Rainbow Dash: Can't you do something?!
:Discord: I did! This is Fluttershy's gift.
:Rainbow Dash: What?!
:Rarity: [grunting] A little help, please!
:Shining Armor: I've got this!
:Princess Cadance: Which one of us can fly, darling?
:[magic zap]
:Rarity: Whoa!
:Shining Armor: Your mom sure is something.
:[magic zap]
:Princess Cadance: [giggles] You're not so bad yourself.
:[winterzilla roars]
:[sloop!]
:[thud]
:[sparkling sounds]
:[winterzilla chomping]
:Twilight Sparkle: No-no-no! Not that sparkly! This one!
:[zip!]
:Spike: [grunts] I'm okay if he doesn't want to chase me anymore!
:Applejack: How are we gonna get rid of this thing?!
:Discord: Oh, for Scorpan's sake!
:[poof]
:Discord: Hello?! If only one of you had a way with animals?!
:Fluttershy: Oh, my.
:[winterzilla growling]
:Fluttershy: Uh... [clears throat] Excuse me.
:[winterzilla roars]
:Fluttershy: Whoa! This is supposed to be the happiest time of year! So if this is how you plan on behaving, you can march yourself right back to where you came from!
:[winterzilla whimpers, sobs]
:Fluttershy: Awww. Your family is gone for the holidays, and you're all alone?
:[affirmative growl]
:Fluttershy: I'm so sorry. If you calm down, I'm sure you could join us.
:[boing, boing]
:Pinkie Pie: [screams]
:Twilight Sparkle: [gasps]
:[magic zaps]
:Pinkie Pie: Uh, maybe leave the baking to me next time. [giggles, chewing] Actually, it's pretty good.
:[magic zap]
:Twilight Sparkle: Chancellor Puddinghead's recipe.
:Pinkie Pie: Now, that's an impressive dessert!
:Twilight Sparkle: It's your Hearth's Warming present!
:Pinkie Pie: Really? That's so thoughtful.
:Twilight Sparkle: It took a lot of research, but I—
:[magic zap]
:[splat]
:Shining Armor: Maybe focus on the task at hoof, Twily?
:[winterzilla whimpering]
:Twilight Sparkle: Right. The recipe needed to be exact. I think Flurry Heart added something while I wasn't looking, but I have no idea what to add to adjust it. A teaspoon of nutmeg, three sugarplums, extra—
:Pinkie Pie: Gingerbread? Four more candy canes?
:Twilight Sparkle: How do you know the recipe?
:Pinkie Pie: I don't get it.
:Alice: You will.
:Pinkie Pie: Happy Hearth's Warming, Twilight! I'm your Hearthswarming Helper!
:[splash!]
:Twilight Sparkle: [gasps]
:[shocked growl]
:Rest of cast: [gasps]
:[shimmering sounds]
:[beat]
:[happy growling]
:Fluttershy: [giggles]
:Rest of cast: [cheers]
:Discord: Uh, a bit reindeer ex machina, but... two thumbs way up! Whoo!
:[fireworks exploding]
:Twilight Sparkle: Sorry for failing as a Hearthswarming Helper, Pinkie.
:Pinkie Pie: What?! With no pudding disaster, my gift with the exact ingredients wouldn't have made any sense. This way, it was perfect! [nomming]
:Rarity: [sighs] At least Twilight has something to show for her effort. I ordered you a fabulous farm hat, Applejack. Alas, it decided it belonged to somepony else.
:Applejack: Pops said sometimes the hat chooses the pony when he gave me this. Hopefully my gift inspired whoever's wearin' it to be the best farmer ever.
:Rarity: Uhhh, ooh... Something like that.
:[rip!]
:Fluttershy: We're really sorry about your gifts.
:Applejack: We got a bit distracted with Flim and Flam's shenanigans.
:Holly the Hearth's Warmer Doll: [Flim's voice] Commercialism is the greatest gift of all!
:Discord: [zapping]
:Rainbow Dash: They're better than my gift. [sighs] Sorry about the winterzilla.
:Fluttershy: [giggling] Oh, he's a big sweetheart. And he ended up being really helpful.
:[footsteps thudding]
:[winterzilla purring]
:Fluttershy: It was actually kind of nice to be the pony who saved the day for once.
:Discord: Oh, really? You mean a giant beast that only Fluttershy could tame, making her the hero of Hearth's Warming Eve, was a great gift?
:[poofing]
:Discord: Imagine that.
:Rainbow Dash: [stutters, blows] You mean you tricked me into putting my friend in danger on purpose so you—?!
:[winterzilla growls]
:Fluttershy: [giggling]
:Rainbow Dash: Let's just say it was from both of us.
:Applejack: I guess Hearthswarming Helper was kind of a disaster.
:Princess Cadance: I don't know. Ponyville always seems to have way more exciting holidays than the Crystal Empire.
:Spike: There's one gift left, but I messed up, too. Your present's only kind of finished, Rarity, but I guess it's better than nothing.
:Rarity: Oh, Spike. A song is a lovely present.
:Spike: I wanted to get you the best gift ever. I just couldn't figure out what it was.
:Rarity: [smooch]
:Pinkie Pie: Ooh, ooh! The Gift Givers told me that! Oh, what was it? The best gift is more precious than gold, but it cannot be sold. When it breaks, it's not ended, for quickly it's mended. It can never be bought yet is easily sought.
:Twilight Sparkle: [giggles]
:Pinkie Pie: What's so funny?
:Twilight Sparkle: It's a riddle, and the answer is "friendship"!
:Alice: And so it worked out,
:And a lesson was learned, there's no need to obsess;
:Gift-giving is simple as long as you recall:
:Friendship is the best gift of all.
:[credits]