Lost In The Woods/Transcript

The following is a transcript for the episode "Lost In The Woods".
== ==
(The book opens and Poppy explains about Archer.)
Poppy: Things have been crazy ever since we found out Archer Pastry is a scout for the Party Crashers. See, the Party Crashers don’t party well with others. So, to keep Archer from leading them to us, we’re trying to get him on our side by spending time with him in shifts.
Branch: Poppy, Biggie, Smidge. Creek?
Biggie: I believe he’s still away on his yoga pilgrimage.
Branch: Still? But he’s missed every one of his shifts in the Archer bonding rotation. I’m sick of making up for his phony, new-age flakiness.
Smidge: (groans) Tell me about it! He asked me to dog sit his “spirit animal.” (She shows a purple leash.) See? (An animal barking is heard.) I am so sorry! (The leash moves away on its own.)
Poppy: Guys, focus! If we’re gonna get Archer on our side, something big has to happen, like… the way we bonded when we saved everyone from the Bergens.
Branch: What?! Poppy, we almost died!
Poppy: I know. (sniffs) Memories. Guys, we’ve got to keep trying. It’s only a matter of time before Archer’s… (She opens the door to the Fun Dungeon and sees that Archer has escaped.)
Poppy, Smidge, and Biggie: Escaped! (Branch rings a bell at a window. Some flying bugs shine lights. Poppy, Branch, Smidge, and Biggie head out to search for Archer.)
Poppy: He couldn’t have gone far!
Branch: That’s right. Which means it’s time for a manhunt.
Poppy, Biggie, and Smidge: (As they high-five) Yeah!
Biggie: Quick question, though. What’s a manhunt.
Branch: Oh, boy. (We then cut to Archer stepping on a mushroom as he escapes. He then sees that he is being followed.)
Archer: (chuckles) Huh? (He jumps behind a tree to hide.)
Biggie: Ready or not, here we come!
Branch: Guys, quiet! You don’t shout that in a manhunt!
Smidge and Biggie: Oh, OK.
Smidge: (Jumping onto Biggie) Olly olly oxen free!
Poppy: Let’s split up and cover more ground. (She and her friends split up.) Archer!
Archer: Huh? (Poppy jumps in front of him.)
Poppy: Sorry, but you escaping would make it really tough for us to bond.
Archer: When you put it like that, I-I guess I can only say… (He sees a bird next.) … baby bird! (He picks up a bird egg and throws it.)
Poppy: No! (She catches the egg while Archer laughs and escapes. She puts the egg back in the nest.) Here you go. (The adult bird coos and hugs its egg.) Aw! (She goes after archer again.) Get back here! (Archer is headed for the Tunnels of Certain Death.) Archer, wait! Don’t go in those tunnels! They’re dangerous!
Archer: Pfft! You think I’m gonna fall for that! (He laughs and screams as he falls down.)
Poppy: Archer! (She catches him with her hair.) No worries, Archer. I got you. (She starts to pull Archer up. A butterfly lands on Archer’s nose. Suddenly, the ground crumbles underneath Poppy and she falls screaming with Archer. They go down a dirt slide and land on the ground with a faceplant.) It’s OK. (She pulls her hair and it lights up.) I got this. Now, let’s not panic. Yes, we’re in danger, but if we stick together, we’ll find a way out of here.
Archer: Oh, good, good. Just one small thing, though. I’m trying to escape! (He runs off while Poppy takes out scrapbook supplies.)
Poppy: (sighs) 10, 9, 8… (A roar is heard.) … 7, 6, 5… (Archer’s screaming is heard.) … 4, 3, 2, 1. (Archer faints in fright.) Well, hey there, Archer. Back so soon?
Archer: Terrible things in the darkness!
Poppy: (Holding out a hand) Let me help you. (Archer gets up.) Well, like I said, if we stick together, we’ll find a way out of here. (A spider appears.)
Spider #1: There is but one road out of the Fearsome Forest. A long, dangerous path that leads to certain death.
Poppy: Don’t you mean… (echoes) “Certain death, death, death?” That’s the way Cloud Guy said it.
Spider #1: Oh! The way you said it gave me chills. Certain death… (echoes) … death, death, death… death. I’ll work on it. Hope you don’t die. (He leaves.)
Poppy: He was nice. What’s wrong?
Archer: “What’s wrong?” Gee, I don’t know. Maybe it’s that we’re facing certain death!
Poppy: You mean, “Certain death… (echoes) … death, death!” Pfft. Whatever! I’ve faced certain death plenty of times. Like one time, we Trolls got caught by the Bergens, and Branch and I… (gasps)
Archer: What? What?! What’s behind me?!
Poppy: No, no. I just realized, this is it! This is the big thing that’s finally gonna get us to be friends!
Archer: Whoa! Let me make one thing clear. We are never gonna be friends.
Poppy: Yeah, I know. We’re future friends! Shall we get to bonding, pal-to-be? (Archer groans reluctantly.) Suit yourself. (She walks away. Just then, glowing red eyes surround Archer and he gasps. He then runs away and catches up with Poppy.) Once you’re friends with the Trolls, we’re gonna do so much fun stuff together. Celebrate your Hairmitzvah… (She scrapbooks the holidays she imagines she and Archer will celebrate.) … and Hairloween…
Both: Yeah!
Poppy: Taco Tuesday. Ooh! And we’ll have glitter fights! (Light blue glitter explodes in Archer’s face.)
Archer: (Getting the glitter off his face) You are delusional!
Poppy: Oh, you, always razzing me! Got to say, I’m really enjoying this banter. Classic Poppy and Archer. (Archer groans and he continues to follow Poppy. Soon, the reach a river.) Well, looky here. (She kicks a little rock into the river.)
Archer: Huh? (Some fish with sharp teeth pop out of the river, making Archer scream and jump into Poppy’s arms.)
Poppy: Aw! Our first hug time!
Archer: (Getting out of Poppy’s arms) Ew! (Poppy uses her hair to form a bridge.)
Poppy: After you, future friend.
Archer: Not happening. (He jumps across some rocks. He jumps on the last one, which turns out to be a fish in disguise. He screams in terror as the fish takes a hold of him and swims off.)
Archer: WHOA! WHOA! (The fish swallows him and almost immediately spits him out.) Whoa! (He lands on the ground with a faceplant. Poppy walks up to him.) Hm? (Poppy taps her foot and she starts singing Best Friends.)
(Poppy)
Hey there, friend let me greet you
It is so nice to meet you
I got a funny feeling
You and me will go far
If you just believe in me and you
You’ll see that we got
The bestest ever chemistry
We’re gonna be best friends
No matter what happens
We’re gonna be hanging every day
No matter what you say
Best friends until the very end
We’re gonna be sharing
All of our secrets
‘Cause we are gonna be best friends
Archer: Enough! The only reason you’re acting like my friend is to save your village. So would you stop pretending you actually care about me?!
Creature #1: Awkward!
Poppy: But I do care about you.
Archer: Ha! I’ve heard that before. But people will always turn on you if it’s in their own best interest. (He bangs his fist against a wall.)
Poppy: Did someone do that to you? Was it the Party Crashers? (Archer looks away from her.) Archer, I’m sorry.
Archer: Whatever! Just… help me climb up this cliff so we can get out of here. Then I’m getting as far away from you Trolls as possible. (Poppy puts a hand on his back.) Huh? (He looks at Poppy smiling at him and grunts. Poppy then uses her hair as a rope and throws it to the top of a cliff. Archer starts climbing it.)
Poppy: Wait for me when you get up there.
Archer: Well, you’ve got the only light, so what choice to I have? (He continues climbing and reaches the top. Hm? (He sees a sign on a tunnel wall that says “This way.” A torch is also seen next to it. Just before Archer can take it, a big robot appears.) Whoa! (He backs up as he whimpers in fear.) Certain Death?!
Sir Tandeth: I’m sorry. What did you say?
Archer: Aren’t you the Certain Death the spider told me about?
Sir Tandeth: No, no! I’m Sir Tandeth, friendly guide to all who are lost.
Archer: Oh! (chuckles) Whoa! With that sword, I-I just assumed…
Sir Tandeth: (Removing his head) Oh, people make that mistake all the time. (chuckles) I think that’s why no-one ever visits me. (He laughs again and puts his head back on.) Well, no use dwelling on my crushing loneliness. Let me show you the way out. (He starts to move, but turns around.) Say, I don’t hear so well in this helmet, but were you talking to someone else down there?
Archer: Uh… (Archer hears Poppy’s grunting.) No. (He starts walking.)
Sir Tandeth: Are you sure? Because without me as a guide, they would have almost no chance of getting out. (Archer hears Poppy grunting again.)
Archer: Hm. Hm. (He rubs the words on the wall away.) I’m sure. (Soon, he and Sir Tandeth reach the end.)
Sir Tandeth: Well, here you are.
Archer: So, all I have to do is follow this path and it will get me back to where I started?
Sir Tandeth: Indeed. If you can get past… Certain Death… (echoes) … Death, Death!
Archer: Certain Death? But you said you were-
Sir Tandeth: Sir Tandeth, yes. He’s Certain Death. (Thunder crashes and some rocks take the form of Certain Death.) I don’t know why this is so confusing for everyone. Oh, well. Back to my infinite loneliness. (He leaves.)
Certain Death: Oh, yeah! What you gonna do when Certain Death runs wild on you?!
Archer: Uh… RUN AWAY! (He tries to run away, but some strings in fences appear, making him get stuck.)
Certain Death: Is it laundry day? Better break out the clothes line! (He grabs Archer and smashes his head against the ground.) Head-smasher! (He does more torcher movements to Archer.) Ride the pony! (He gets ready to throw Archer down.) It’s time for you to go down for the count, brother!
Archer: No! No! Please don’t!
Poppy: (offscreen) Put him down! (She swings in and punches Certain Death. Archer is free from his grasp.)
Certain Death: Oh, you just made a bad mistake! (He runs to the strings in the fences and launches himself toward Poppy. Luckily, she opens her scrapbook and it shoots glitter at Certain Death. She dodges out of the way and Certain Death falls off the cliff.) Owie!
Archer: You risked your life for me, even when I left you for dead?
Poppy: Uh… Yeah. Trolls don’t leave people behind, even when they probably deserve it.
Archer: Huh. Wow.
Poppy: Besides, what are future friends for?
Archer: For the last time, I’m not your future friend. I’m your… friend. (Poppy squeals with joy and clears her throat.)
Poppy: Want to hug you so bad, but don’t want to overwhelm you, so I will just shake your hand. (She and Archer shake hands.) All the other Trolls are gonna be so happy to hear about this!
Archer: (gasps) The other Trolls! There’s something you need to know. (Back in Troll Village, Branch is making an announcement.)
Branch: Listen up, Trolls. Poppy’s been gone for too long. We’ve got to send out a search party.
Poppy: I’m right here! (The Trolls gasp.)
Smidge: Oh, my Guh! She’s alive! (She pulls a switch, making a party sign appear and the Trolls cheer.)
Branch: Poppy, what’s going-
Poppy: There’s no time to explain. Archer’s not the problem. Tell them!
Archer: I wasn’t the only scout in your village. (We go to the past where he was unmasked.) Remember the day you unmasked me? There was another Troll imposter. (We go back to the present and the Trolls gasp.) By now he’s reached the Party Crasher’s and told them about Troll Village. (The Trolls gasp again.)
Smidge: Oh, my Guh! What do we do?!
Poppy: I have a plan. Put up hairicades! Set up a watchtower! (Some rumbling is heard and some plants fall. The Trolls scream in horror.)
Archer: It’s too late. They’re already here. (Poppy grunts and the episode ends.)
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