Hare-Raising Night/Transcript

===Act One===
(The episode begins with the Buster and Babs opening tag. After that, the title card is shown, with a silhouette of Melvin the Monster. The screen fades to black, then to the first scene, where the outside of Acme Looniversity is surrounded by a spooky green glow. The camera zooms in on the entrance, then cuts to a side view as the light from a flashlight moves up to it. It then cuts to a view inside the dark hallway as the door opens, revealing Buster's shadow in the doorway's light. He closes the door, then the camera moves down the hall, showing various pictures of the Looney Tunes characters. The light from Buster's flashlight moves across the hall, then the camera cuts to a zoomed-out view of a door that says, TOP SECRET in red letters. The light from Buster's flashlight moves over the door, then the camera cuts to a zoomed-in view, revealing two security cameras that the door is in between. They move upward as Buster grabs the doorknob, then the camera cuts to a view inside Bugs Bunny's office as Buster opens the door. The camera focuses on the light from his flashlight, until it reaches Bugs' desk, then the camera zooms in on the desk)
Bugs: "Eh, good evening."
(The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view of the desk, then to Bugs's hand as he presses a button)
Bugs: "The following top secret video is for your eyes only."
(The camera cuts to a view of a television screen as it is lowered. Static appears on the screen, followed by an image of a female rabbit with light brown fur in a blue bathing suit, relaxing on the beach)
Bugs: "Oops. Wrong video."
(Static appears on the screen again, followed by an image of Dr. Gene Splicer, holding a diploma in his left hand and a hamster holding up a sign that says, HELP! in his right)
Bugs: "This is Dr. Gene Splicer, once a certified bioengineer, now a certified loony."
(A hand appears onscreen with a giant stamp, which he uses to stamp the word, LOONY in red letters over the image of Splicer. Needless to say, Splicer is not amused. More static appears on the screen as the camera zooms in, then footage is shown of the top of a tall building as the camera moves down to the bottom, revealing the building is the Acme Hospital)
Bugs: "Splicer was bounced out of the business for his wacko animal mutation experiments."
(Splicer is then promptly kicked out of the hospital's front doors and lands angrily on the pavement. The next scene on the screen shows him at his hideout, where there are many imprisoned animals)
Bugs: "Now hiding out in his creepy clinic,"
(Three imprisoned Hamsters are shown on the screen, eating food from their food bowl and drinking from their water bottle, until they hear Splicer)
Bugs: "Dr. Splicer is still doing his mad scientist schtick."
(The three Hamsters huddle up when they hear Splicer. Splicer reaches in and grabs the Hamster in the middle, who screams in horror as he pulls him away, with the other two huddling up in fear. Static appears on the screen, then the camera cuts to a zoomed-out view as the screen is lifted and a spotlight appears above Bugs' desk)
Bugs: "Eh, somebody's got to cut Dr. Splicer out of the picture and rescue the animals in the lab."
(The camera cuts to a close-up of Bugs' chair)
Bugs: "It'll take someone with heart, guts, brains, and a pancreas."
(Bugs turns to face the camera and points to Buster)
Bugs: "And you're just the fella who can do it!"
(The camera cuts to a view of Buster, holding a flashlight in his right hand, which he then tosses aside.)
Buster: "Who? Me? Well, it is Adventure Day here on Tiny Toons."
(The camera cuts to a view of Buster and Bugs together as Bugs stands out of his chair)
Bugs: "Of course, if this assignment doesn't turn out funny, Warner Bros. will disembowel any knowledge of the episode,"
(The camera cuts to a zoomed-in side view of the two of them together)
Bugs: "And blame it on the writers."
(They both look at the camera, twitching their eyebrows)
Bugs: "Eh, you'll need a team of rugged professionals."
Buster: "Yeah, but all I've got is our usual cast of screwballs."
(The camera cuts to a close-up of Buster)
Buster: "Hmmm. How do I talk em' into going on such a dangerous mission?"
(The screen transitions to the next scene, where a taxi is being driven. The camera cuts to a view inside the taxi and moves over to Plucky and Babs, who are dressed in a black tuxedo and a red dress, respectively, anxiously sitting down, excited to be going to the Emmy awards, or so they think)
Plucky: "Ya-hoo! We're going to the Emmys!"
Babs: "Oh, babe, I can hardly believe it!"
(The camera moves to Hamton and Buster, who are also both wearing black tuxedos)
Hamton: "Which way to the awards banquet?"
Buster (to the viewers as Hamton looks out the windw behind him): "So, I told a little white lie."
(The camera cuts to an overhead view of some buildings, then moves up to a sinister-looking castle on a mountain. Owls hoot, Wolves howl, and thunder crashes as the camera gets closer to the castle)
Mad Scientist: "It's alive! It's alive!"
(Buster appears onscreen)
Buster: "No, no, no! Wrong show! Splicer's lab is back there!"
(Buster points downwards, and the camera quickly moves back down the mountain and back to the buildings, until it reaches the real location of Splicer's lab. It then cuts to a view of it as lightning flashes and thunder crashes, and the taxi screeches to a halt in front of it. Buster, Babs, Plucky, and Hamton all get out, and the taxi drives away. The camera cuts to an opposing zoomed-in view of them, then focuses on Plucky as he makes his way down the path to Splicer's lab)
Plucky: "Dust off the mantle, Ma, I'm bringin' home the gold!"
(Plucky screeches to a halt)
Plucky: "Hey! if this is the Emmys, where are the photographers?"
(The camera cuts to an underhead view as two grey storm clouds roll in, then back to Plucky as lightning strikes him)
Plucky (Dazed, as his teeth fall out): "Cheese."
(The camera cuts to a view of Babs, who isn't looking too happy)
Babs: "Speaking of cheese, something smells a little ripe to me. Are you sure we're in Hollywood?"
(The camera cuts to a view of Buster)
Buster: "Hollywood? Oh, don't you read The Trades, Babs, baby?"
(Buster puts on a pair of sunglasses, and the camera zooms out to reveal Babs standing next to him as he pulls out a piece of paper and reads over it. Needless to say, Babs is not amused.)
Buster: "This year, they're, uh, holding the Emmys somewhere else. Yeah."
Babs: "Where? Transylvania?"
(The camera cuts to a view of Splicer's lab as lightning flashes and thunder crashes, then to a view inside the lab. At first, it seems to appear like any mad scientist's lab, complete with machinery, beakers, and test tubes, but the camera later reveals it all to be on a picture in a frame engraved, "Dad's Place". The camera continues to move down the wall, past a framed picture of Splicer's Father and Mother, and a framed picture of a hand holding a test tube, until it reaches Splicer's office and zooms in on Splicer, who is sitting at his desk, talking on the phone)
Splicer: "Ah, what do you mean, you can't get me that shipment?"
(The camera cuts to a view of Splicer at his desk)
Splicer: "How can I do my insane bird brain experiments without an insane bird brain?"
Plucky (heard offscreen): "Yahoo!"
(Splicer looks out the window to see what the noise is. The camera cuts to a view outside the window, where Plucky is near the front door, and Buster, Babs, and Hamton are watching from a distance. It then cuts to a view of Plucky, who adjusts his tie, then prepares to walk inside)
Splicer (heard offscreen): "Well, well, well! Hmmm."
(The camera cuts back to Splicer)
Splicer: "Lookie here." (Speaking one the phone): "Err, on, uh, second thought, uh, cancel that order; I'll be making other arrangements."
(Splicer chuckles, then runs off, leaving the phone suspended in midair. The camera cuts to a view of the front door as Plucky is angrily banging it)
Plucky: "Hey, open up in there!"
(Suddenly, the mat that Plucky is standing on opens, revealing it to be a trap door)
Plucky: "I'm a very important... celebrity duck?"
(Plucky falls down the trap door, which closes afterwards. The camera cuts to a view of Buster, Babs, and Hamton, who all look around)
Babs: "Where's Plucky?"
(The camera cuts to a view of a rather nervous Buster)
Buster: "Uh, he must have gone inside!"
(The camera zooms out as Buster walks to Splicer's mansion)
Buster: "Come on!"
(Babs and Hamton follow Buster. The camera cuts to an opposing view as the three walk to the front door, with lightning flashing and thunder crashing above them, then to a view of the other end of the chute as Plucky screams and continues to fall down it. The camera focuses on him as he bounces across the floor and lands on his head near Splicer)
Plucky: "What gives?"
(The camera cuts to a view of Splicer)
Splicer: "Oh, I, I just wanted to get you away from the others."
(Splicer reaches and grabs Plucky, then the camera cuts to a side view of him as he lifts Plucky)
Splicer: "You have something I want."
Plucky: "It's called star quality. Animal magnetism."
Splicer (knocking on Plucky's head): "Hmmm. Yes."
(Plucky tries to punch Splicer, but misses and spins. The camera cuts to a view of the floor as he spins down and lands on his head. The front of his tuxedo rolls up, then he jumps back on his feet and rolls down the front of the tuxedo."
Plucky: "Boy, these uppity ushers."
(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view and focuses on Plucky as he walks away)
Plucky: "So where are the rest of the Emmy nominees?"
(The camera cuts to a close-up of Splicer)
Splicer: "Uh, Emmy nominees?"
(The camera cuts to a view of Plucky and zooms in on him)
Plucky: "Sure, you're an usher. Go ahead and ush. Sheesh. This guy could use a brain!"
(Splicer uses a claw to grab Plucky's head. The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view)
Splicer: "Uh, as a matter of fact, I could."
(Splicer chuckles, then releases the claw. Plucky then prepares to walk away)
Plucky: "Now then, which way are us stars supposed to go?"
(The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view of Splicer)
Splicer: "Actually, the uh, mmmm, nominees are wanted in..."
(The camera cuts to a view of Plucky as he continues to walk away)
Splicer (heard offscreen): "...makeup!"
(Plucky stops, then turns his head around)
Plucky: "Makeup?"
(Plucky's body turns around)
Plucky: "You should have seen the makeup I wore in my last cartoon. I played a mutant from outer space; big bulging eyes, suction cup tentacles!"
(Plucky's eyes bug out and his hands turn into a pair of tentacles. He then takes on the form of a monster not unlike that of Frankenstein)
Plucky: "And green slime dripping from every pore!"
(The camera cuts to a view of Plucky and Splicer as Plucky jumps on Splicer's body)
Plucky: "I climbed up the hero's puny Earthling body, and delivered the coup de gracie with my otherworldly prehensile lips!"
(Plucky kisses Splicer, then the camera cuts to a zoomed-in view)
Plucky: "It was a love story."
(Splicer wipes his lips with his right arm. He chuckles, then grabs Plucky with his left arm and pokes his belly with his right)
Splicer: "My, you have a very interesting brain."
(The camera cuts to a close-up of Splicer's backside, which moves away as he carries Plucky to a door marked, BRAIN SURGERY in red letters)
Splicer: "Uh, the make-up room is right through here."
(Splicer closes the door, and the camera zooms in on the words, BRAIN SURGERY. The screen fades to black, then to a framed picture of a frog's head on a canary's body, which the camera zooms out on. On the frame are the words, MY FIRST EXPERIMENT. The camera then moves past two more framed pictures. The second one, which says, MY SECOND EXPERIMENT on the frame, is a picture of a cat's head in a turtle's shell, with webbed feet, and the third one, which says, MY THIRD EXPERIMENT on the frame, is a blue crocodile's head on a wolf's body)
Buster (heard offscreen): "Uh, Plucky must be with the other, uh, Emmy nominees."
(The camera cuts to a view of Buster, Babs, and Hamton, who all walk past pictures of Splicer's past experiments)
Babs: "Emmy nominees? These look more like the nominees for 'Freak of the month'!"
(The three stop, then the camera cuts to a zoomed-in view)
Babs: "Okay, it's confession time!"
Hamton: "Well, uh, when I was three, uh, I stole a fig newton from the cookie jar."
Babs: "Not you, Hamton. I want to hear from 'Mr. Trust Me' over here!"
(The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view of Buster and Babs together)
Babs: "This isn't the Emmys, is it?"
Buster: "No, not exactly, but it's not as bad as you think."
Babs: "I'm all ears."
(The camera cuts to a view of Buster by himself)
Buster: "Well, it's just that we're here to stop a mad scientist who does hideous experiments on animals, and, now he has Plucky, and we're probably in the greatest danger of our lives!"
(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view of Buster, Babs, and Hamton)
Babs: "Oh, is that all? You had me worried for a sec."
(The camera focuses on Babs as she tries to walk away, then stops)
Babs: "Mad scientist?!"
(The camera focuses on Babs as she runs back to Buster)
Babs: "How could you do this to us, Buster? Didn't you trust us?"
(The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view of Buster and Babs together)
Babs: "Do you think we'd be so self-centered that we wouldn't risk our lives to save a bunch of furry animals?"
Buster: "Well..."
Babs: "You were right, but that's no excuse."
(Hamton taps Babs' shoulder. The camera then cuts to a view of the two of them together)
Hamton: "Does this mean there's no buffet?"
Babs (as she grabs Hamton's cheek and pulls it): "You're sweet."
(After Babs lets go of Hamton's cheek, the camera cuts to a zoomed-out view of the three of them)
Babs: "Now we got to save Plucky before he gets turned into some kind of weirdo!"
(The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view of Buster and Babs)
Buster: "It's years too late for that."
(Hamton walks into view)
Buster: "But we'd better save him anyway. Come on!"
Babs: "No! I'm not going anywhere with someone who doesn't trust me. I'll find Plucky myself!"
(Babs walks away)
Buster: "Whoops."
(The camera cuts to a view inside the brain surgery room and moves over to Splicer, who is tying Plucky to a table. It then cuts to a zoomed-in view of Splicer and Plucky)
Plucky: "Hey! What kind of make-up chair is this?"
(The camera cuts to a side-view)
Splicer: "Uh, we don't want any of the Emmy winners to fall out of the chair and hurt themselves!"
(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view)
Plucky: "Winner, eh? I knew they open those envelopes before the show! Just don't make that last strap too tight!"
(Splicer pulls on the rope, swelling up Plucky's head)
Splicer: "How's that?"
Plucky: "Perfecto!"
(The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view as Splicer draws lines on Plucky's head with a piece of chalk)
Plucky: "Say, take a little off the top while you're up there, would you?"
(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view as Splicer pulls out a chainsaw)
Splicer: "Uh, you got it, duckaroonie! Uh, now this may sting a little!"
(The camera cuts to a view of Splicer by himself as he activates the chainsaw, then to a close-up of Plucky's head as the chainsaw powers down. It then cuts back to him as he looks at the lifeless chainsaw, then over his shoulder)
Splicer: "Nuts!"
(The camera cuts to a view of an electrical outlet, revealing the chainsaw has come unplugged)
Splicer (heard offscreen): "I need an extension cord."
(The camera cuts back to Plucky and Splicer as Splicer sets the chainsaw down on the table)
Splicer: "Uh, be right back, Duckie."
(Splicer runs off, then runs back)
Splicer: "AND DON'T MOVE!"
(Splicer runs off, taking the chainsaw with him. The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view of Plucky)
Plucky: "That's no way to talk to a star! When that guy comes back, I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind."
(The camera cuts to a view of the door as Buster and Hamton open it and peer inside. It then focuses on them as they tiptoe to the table. They hide behind a pole, then run out in an attempt to save Plucky)
Buster: "Come on, Plucky, you got to get out of here..."
(Before Buster can continue, Plucky muffles him)
Plucky: "No-ho-ho way! You're just jealous because I was nominated and you weren't!"
(The camera cuts to a view of Hamton)
Hamton: "No, no, Plucky. It's just that..."
(Before Hamton can continue, Plucky muffles him. The camera moves up to Plucky)
Plucky: "You know why I'm a winner, chum? Cause' I got it here!"
(Plucky points to the white lines on his head, then the camera cuts to a view of him and Buster)
Buster: "Well, you won't for long! That quack is gonna nab your noodle!"
(The camera cuts to a view of Plucky and Hamton. Hamton sets Plucky's arm down on the table)
Hamton: "Please don't mention food. I'm starved."
(Suddenly, Hamton hears footsteps. The camera cuts to a view of Buster, Plucky, and Hamton together)
Hamton: "Someone's coming!"
(Buster and Hamton run off and hide. The camera cuts to the view of the bottom of a door, which they run inside and close. It then moves upwards to reveal the words, FAILED EXPERIMENTS KEEP OUT in red letters, then cuts to a view of them inside the room, panting heavily, followed by a view of Hamton by himself)
Hamton: "Buster, what's big and hairy, has the head of a dog and wings of a bat?"
(The camera cuts to a view of Buster by himself)
Buster: "I don't know."
(Melvin roars)
Buster: "But I can take a wild guess!"
(The camera cuts to an overhead view as Buster and Hamton scream in terror and Melvin's shadow appears over them. The screen fades to black, ending Act One)
===Act Two===
(The second act begins with an overhead view of Melvin looking over Buster and Hamton. The camera cuts to an opposing view of his legs, then moves up to his face as he growls, then barks. It then cuts to a view of a scared Buster and Hamton holding each other, who then run through the door, leaving holes shaped like their bodies in it. The camera then cuts to a view of the hallway as Buster and Hamton run away, with Melvin following them, growling. It then cuts to a view of a pile of junk that Splicer has tossed out of his cabinet. Splicer tosses a football into the junk pile, then the camera moves over to him as he tosses out a rag doll)
Splicer: "Oh, double nuts! Where did I put that blankety-blank extension cord?"
(The camera cuts to a view of Plucky, who is still tied up in the chair)
Plucky: "Hurry up, Max Factor! They're gonna start the show without me!"
(The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view)
Plucky: "Gee, I wonder which award I'll get first! Comedy?"
(Plucky releases himself from the ropes. He is now holding a pie in his right hand, which he splats into his face. He then wipes his beak with his tongue)
Plucky: "Mmmm. Banana cream. Yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk!"
(Plucky tosses the pie tin aside, then shakes the splatted pie off his face)
Plucky: "Or Drama?"
(Plucky bends his knees to a begging position, crying many tears)
Plucky: "Please, don't take Lassie away from the children!"
(Plucky stands back up)
Plucky: "Or, a combination of the two; 'Dramady?'"
(Plucky gets into the begging position again)
Plucky: "Please, don't make Lassie into..."
(Plucky pulls out another pie)
Plucky: "...a pie!"
(Plucky splats the pie into his face. The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view as Splicer returns)
Splicer: "Well, Duckaroo, I, I can't seem to locate my extension cord."
(The camera cuts to a view of Splicer)
Splicer: "But, I found this!"
(Splicer pulls out a handsaw. The camera then cuts to a view of him and Plucky together as Plucky gasps)
Plucky: "A handsaw? That's it! They're giving me an award for my musical talents!"
(Plucky snatches the handsaw from Splicer. The camera then cuts to a view of him as he pulls out a violin's bow and starts playing the handsaw like a violin while singing in gibberish. The camera then cuts to a view of Splicer grinding his teeth, followed by a close-up of the grinding teeth, then a zoomed-out view as beakers break. It then moves up to a lamp, which breaks as Plucky finishes, then cuts to Splicer, relieved that it's over, but the lamp falls on top of him. The camera then cuts to a zoomed-in view as Plucky walks up to the dazed Splicer)
Plucky: "Sleeping on the job, huh? Well, I guess I'll have to face my public au naturel."
(Plucky walks away. The camera cuts to a view of a door as he opens it, then focuses on him as he walks down the hall)
Plucky: "I'd better work on my acceptance speech. Let's see; 'First of all, I'd like to thank all the little people'. Nah, on second thought, what did those shrimps ever do for me?"
(Plucky passes by Babs. Babs stops, then runs up to him)
Babs: "Plucky! I've been looking for you everywhere!"
Plucky: "You can find me in the winner's circle."
Babs: "You poor, deluded duck. Don't you know you're in danger?"
(Plucky walks away from Babs)
Plucky: "No-o-ho-ho way!"
(The camera cuts to a view of Buster and Hamton running down the hallway, with Melvin chasing them)
Buster: "Plucky! Look out!"
(The camera cuts to an opposing view as Plucky stops. Buster and Hamton run past him)
Plucky: "Oh, Ma! Obviously a fan."
(Plucky pulls out a pencil and a pad of paper)
Plucky: "I'd be glad to sign an..."
(Melvin runs over Plucky, flattening him)
Plucky: "...autograph."
(The camera cuts to a view of a corner of the hallway as Buster runs up to Babs. Hamton catches up to him)
Buster: "Babs! Run for your life! It's a monster!"
Babs: "I'm not talking to you."
Buster: "Honest, Babs, There's a monster!"
Babs: "Get crucial, Buster! Tell me another one, why don't you?"
(Babs walks past Buster and Hamton. The camera cuts to a view of the other side of the corner and focuses on her as she walks down the hall)
Babs: "'A monster'. And I'm queen Elizabeth."
(Babs bumps into Melvin. She looks up at him, then the camera cuts to a view of him as he growls, followed by a close-up of Babs, who pulls out a pair of sunglasses)
Babs: "We are not amused."
(The camera cuts to a view of Melvin looking over Babs as he continues growling, then to a view of Buster and Hamton, who cover their eyes)
Hamton: "Oh, I can't look!"
(The camera cuts to a close-up of a rather frightened Babs and zooms in on her. It then cuts to a view of Melvin, who looks like he is about to crush Babs, followed by a view of Babs as he hands her a bouquet of flowers and a heart-shaped box of chocolates)
Babs: "Huh?"
(The camera cuts to a close-up of Melvin, who has hearts in his eyes, then to a view of Buster and Hamton)
Buster: "Wow! The monster's got a crush on you, Babs!"
(The camera cuts back to Babs and Melvin)
Babs: "I am not talking to you. He's definitely not my type. What am I supposed to do?"
(Melvin kisses Babs' hand as Buster walks up to them)
Buster: "String lover boy along!"
(The camera cuts to a view of Hamton as Buster runs up to him, then drags him along)
Buster: "It'll give us time to save all the furry animals!"
(The camera cuts to a view of Babs as Melvin continues kissing her hand)
Babs: "What about saving me?! I'm not furry enough or something?!" (To Melvin) "Look, dude, I make it a rule to never date outside my own species."
(The camera focuses on Melvin as she backs away from him, with him following her, then cuts to a view of her up against a wall as he corners her)
Babs: "Besides, I'm looking for something else in a boyfriend."
(The camera cuts to a view of Melvin)
Babs (heard offscreen): "I need a guy with culture, breeding..."
(Melvin spins in a manner similar to Taz the Tasmanian Devil. When he stops spinning, he is dressed in a robe, a fez, and glasses, has a pipe in his mouth, and is reading a book called, KEATS)
Babs (heard offscreen): "...a real He-Man at heart..."
(Melvin spins again. When he stops, he is dressed like John Rambo and is firing a machine gun)
Babs (heard offscreen): "...and yet, sensitive and artistic."
(Melvin spins again. The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view, and When he stops, he is dressed like a ballerina)
Babs: "Nah, I could never date a guy in a tutu."
(Babs pulls the tutu off, causing Melvin to spin away. She waves to him as he spins away)
Babs: "See you in Swan Lake, Twinkle toes!"
(The camera cuts to a view of Melvin as he continues spinning, then crashes into Splicer's junk pile. It then cuts back to Babs, who is about to walk away, when she hears Splicer)
Splicer (heard offscreen): "Melvin!"
(The camera cuts to a close-up of Babs as she looks over the corner)
Splicer: "Oh, you overgrown patchwork pile of pilfered parts!"
(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view. Melvin is now sitting on top of Splicer)
Splicer: "I've got better things to do than look after you!"
(Melvin cries. The camera cuts to a close-up of Babs with a sad look on her face as her ears drop, then to a close-up of Splicer putting handcuffs on Melvin)
Splicer: "Come along, you misshapen mishmash!"
(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view as Splicer takes Melvin away)
Splicer: "After I find that duck, you're gonna get a little attitude adjustment!"
(The camera cuts to an opposing view of the hallway as Splicer takes Melvin away. Melvin looks at Babs with tears in his eyes, then the camera cuts to a close-up of Babs, also with tears in her eyes)
Babs: "The poor thing!"
(The screen transitions to the door with the words, ANIMAL EXPERIMENT written on its window. The door opens, and the camera moves down to Buster, Plucky, and Hamton)
Plucky: "Ewww. This must be where they keep the Emmy losers."
(The camera cuts to an opposing view as Buster, Plucky, and Hamton look over the imprisoned animals. It then moves from the smaller ones to the bigger ones, then cuts to a view of Buster and Plucky looking inside a cage with three squirrels inside)
Buster: "Plucky, these are poor, wretched, mistreated creatures!"
Plucky: "Don't be cruel! It's an honor just to be nominated! Sorry, fellow thespians. Better luck next year."
Hamton (heard offscreen as Buster walks out of view): "Maybe this is the switch to open the cages."
(The camera cuts to a view of Hamton standing next to a giant switch, with a sign that says, SWITCH TO OPEN THE CAGES above it and red arrows pointing to it. Buster walks up to the switch)
Buster: "Amazing, Holmes! How do you do it?"
(The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view of Buster)
Buster: "Come on, little critters, it's Independence day!"
(Buster pulls the switch, then the camera cuts two various views of the animals' cages as they open, releasing animals inside. It then cuts to a view of Buster as their silhouettes can be seen running past him, then to a view of Hamton standing next to an open window as they jump out)
Hamton: "Bye-bye, beasties!"
(The camera cuts to a view outside Splicer's lab as the animals happily run off, then to a view inside the room as Babs opens the door and runs inside)
Babs: "There you are, Hamton and Plucky, and that certain rabbit I wouldn't speak to if he were the last rabbit on Earth."
Buster (sarcastically): "Nice to see you too, Babs."
Babs: "There's one more animal we have to free."
(Buster is about to go out the window himself, but stops when he hears Babs and climbs back into the room)
Hamton: "Uh, where? Uh, we got the raccoons, the gerbils, the ocelots..."
(The camera cuts to a close-up of Babs)
Babs: "We have to save the Monster!"
(The camera cuts to a view of Buster, Plucky, and Hamton together. Plucky and Hamton nod their heads, "Yes" as Buster speaks)
Buster: "Of course, the Monster! In all the rush, we must have forgot..."
(Buster stops. He, Plucky, and Hamton look at each other)
Buster, Plucky, and Hamton: "The Monster?"
(The camera cuts to a view of Buster, Babs, Plucky, and Hamton together)
Buster: "Why do you want to save that hairy jigsaw puzzle?"
Babs: "The Monster can't help what Splicer's done to him. He's a prisoner, too!"
Buster: "Hey, I'm not going to stick around to save your mutant boyfriend!"
(The camera cuts to a view of Buster on his own)
Buster: "Nothing, absolutely nothing, is going to keep me in this creepy clinic!"
(The window behind Buster suddenly shuts, and a set of prison bars shuts over it. The camera cuts to a view of the door as it suddenly closes, with a big steel door closing over it, then to a view of various doorways, moving from the left side of the screen to the right as they all shut)
Splicer: "Uh, guess again, kiddies."
(Buster, Babs, Plucky, and Hamton all turn around. The camera cuts to an opposing view as a television screen lowers with Splicer's face on the screen)
Splicer: "Uh, I've got a little riddle for you; What do you get when you cross two Bunnies, a Duck, and a Pig?"
(The camera cuts to an opposing view of Buster, Babs, Plucky, and Hamton)
Buster: "I don't know."
(The camera cuts to a close-up of Splicer's face on the screen)
Splicer: "Neither do I, but we're gonna find out!" (Laughs evilly)
(The screen turns off. The camera cuts back to the opposing view of Buster, Babs, Plucky, and Hamton as the screen irises out. Plucky ends up in the middle of the iris and tries to push it open)
Plucky: "Sheesh. What a guy has to go through for a little statuette."
(The iris closes on Plucky, ending Act Two)
===Act Three===
(The third act begins with Buster, Babs, Plucky, and Hamton huddled together)
Buster: "Babs, I told you, we shouldn't have stuck around to save that monster."
Babs: "I'm not talking to you. Besides, Things could be worse."
(The camera turns itself clockwise, revealing the four are chained up and dangling over Splicer's gene pool)
Buster: "I kind of doubt it."
Plucky: "I hate these award ceremonies. They always leave you hanging till' the last minute."
(The camera cuts to a view of Splicer at his control panel and zooms out)
Splicer: "Listen up, kiddies, you're about to become part of the most revolutionary experiment in the history of science."
(The camera cuts to an overhead view of Buster, Babs, Plucky, and Hamton dangling over the gene pool)
Splicer: "After a dip in my gene pool, you'll be combined into a new species,"
(The camera cuts to a view of Splicer's control panel and focuses on Splicer's hand as it turns three knobs, labelled DUCK, PIG, and RABBIT, respectively)
Splicer: "With the brains of a duck, the head of a pig, and the feet of a rabbit. Ha!"
(The camera cuts to a view of Buster, Babs, and Plucky)
Buster: "Oh, great. A quacking strip of bacon that brings good luck."
(The camera cuts back to Splicer, who pulls out a remote control)
Splicer: "Uh, I don't need luck, now that Melvin's had a taste of my good old-fashioned brainwash!"
(Splicer presses the remote control and points it at Melvin. The camera cuts to Melvin, who is now wearing a mind-control helmet. The helmet lights up and Melvin is now under Splicer's mind-control. The camera cuts to a side view of a winch, which Melvin turns to lower the chains. It then cuts to a middle view of the winch, then to Buster, Babs, Plucky, and Hamton, who are slowly being lowered, then to Splicer, who is at the door)
Splicer: "Ta-ta, kiddies, I'll see you when you're, more together."
(Splicer laughs, then closes the door. He then opens it a second later)
Splicer (to the viewers): "Do you ever notice how bad guys always leave at these critical moments? Oh, well."
(Splicer closes the door again, then the camera cuts to an overhead view of Buster), Babs, Plucky, and Hamton being lowered by Melvin)
Buster: "That Quack's gonna turn us into cartoon gumbo!"
(The camera cuts to a view of Babs, Buster, Plucky, and Hamton)
Babs: "How can you do this after all we've meant to each other?"
(The camera cuts to a close-up of Melvin and zooms in on him)
Babs: "Remember how I treated you before?"
(Melvin gives an angry glare at Babs, and the camera cuts to a close-up of her)
Babs: "On second thought, forget how I treated you before."
(The camera cuts to a view of Melvin's backside as he continues to lower Buster, Babs, Plucky, and Hamton)
Babs: "Let's start over again,"
(The camera cuts to an opposing view of Melvin)
Babs: "You're the only one I care about,"
(The camera cuts to a view of Buster, Babs, Plucky, and Hamton as they are lowered)
Babs: "You're the cream in my coffee,
(The camera cuts to a close-up of the winch, then moves up to Melvin)
Babs: "The apple of my eye, the sunshine of my life."
(The camera cuts back to Babs, Buster, Plucky, and Hamton as they continue to be lowered)
Babs: "I, I, I love you, Marvin!"
(The camera cuts to a confused Melvin, then back to Buster, Babs, Plucky, and Hamton)
Buster: "That's Melvin."
Babs: "Oh, yeah. Melvin. I love you, Melvin!"
(The camera cuts to a close-up of the light bulb on Melvin's mind-control helmet, which dings as it turns from red to clear. The camera moves down to Melvin's face as the hypnotic glare suddenly disappears. The camera then cuts to a zoomed-out view as Melvin begins crying, then to a further zoomed-out view as he continues crying and lets go of the winch. Of course, Letting go of the winch has caused Buster, Babs, Plucky, and Hamton to be lowered faster. Melvin looks at the winch in shock, then the camera cuts to an overhead view of the gene pool as Buster, Babs, Plucky, and Hamton scream in terror as they are about to be lowered into it. The camera then cuts back to Melvin as he looks up, then looks back and forth between the unwinding winch and Buster, Babs, Plucky, and Hamton. Melvin grabs the winch, causing it to screech to a halt. The camera cuts to a view of the gene pool, then to a close-up of Buster, Babs, and Hamton as they, along with Plucky, continue screaming. They stop an inch from the gene juice, then the camera cuts to a close-up of Buster's face as a bubble of the gene juice is about to pop. Fortunately, it misses Buster, and he, Babs, Plucky, and Hamton all sigh in relief. The camera cuts back to Melvin as he pulls the chain to raise Buster, Babs, Plucky, and Hamton out of the gene pool. The camera cuts to the four being raised, then the screen transitions to Melvin hugging them, then setting them down)
Babs: "I told you Melvin was a sweet, gentle monster."
(The camera cuts to a close-up of Buster)
Buster: "Too bad we can't say the same thing about Splicer."
(Splicer can be heard approaching. Buster stares in shock, then turns his head as the camera cuts to a view of the door)
Hamton (heard offscreen): "Uh-oh! He's coming! Uh, what do we do?"
(The camera cuts to a view of Buster standing next to a light blue lab coat hanging on a coat rack)
Buster: "Hmmm. He expects us to be a monster..."
(The camera cuts back to the door as Splicer's silhouette can be seen in the window. He opens the door and looks in delight. The camera cuts to a view of Melvin wearing the lab coat and moves up, revealing Buster in the right sleeve and Babs in the left, and Hamton at the collar, with Plucky's arms sticking out behind him)
Splicer (heard offscreen): "I've done it! It's a new species!"
(The camera cuts back to Splicer)
Splicer: "I'm a genius!"
(The camera cuts back to Buster, Babs, Plucky, Hamton, and Melvin disguised as the monster as they move in closer)
Hamton: "Food! Bring us... I mean, Me, food!"
(The camera cuts back to Splicer)
Splicer: "Uh, yes, sure, uh, in good time, uh, but right now, I must record you for posterity."
(Splicer reaches into his lab coat and pulls out a camera, preparing to take a picture of the supposed monster)
Splicer: "Uh, Say cheese!"
(The camera cuts back to Buster, Babs, Plucky, Hamton, and Melvin as Plucky opens up the lab coat, exposing their plan to trick Splicer)
Plucky: "I'm ready for my close-up!"
(Splicer's camera flashes. The camera cuts briefly to a view of Splicer, then to a view of Buster, Babs, Plucky, Hamton, and Melvin, as they lose their balance, then to a zoomed-out view as they fall over, releasing Buster, Babs, Plucky, and Hamton from the disguise. The camera then cuts to a view of Splicer standing in front of the gene pool)
Splicer: "So, you think you can pull one over on me, do you?"
(The camera cuts back to Buster, Babs, Plucky, Hamton, and Melvin, then to Splicer, focusing on him as he is now carrying a hose)
Splicer: "One squirt of my Gene juice and every atom in your body will split like an overripe nectarine. Ha ha!"
(The camera cuts to Buster, who is climbing up a ladder)
Buster: "You're not making fruit salad out of my molecules!"
(Babs, Plucky, and Melvin follow Buster, with Babs and Plucky climbing up the ladder after Buster. The camera cuts to Splicer)
Splicer: "Come back, cuddly little creatures! I won't hurt you!"
(The camera then cuts to Buster, Babs, Plucky, Hamton, and Melvin running across the bridge, focusing on them as they run. They suddenly stop when they see Splicer in front of them. The camera cuts to an opposing view)
Splicer: "Here's Genie!"
(The camera cuts to a zoomed-in view of Splicer)
Splicer: "Ha! I took the shortcut. And now it's time for a quick shower!"
(The camera cuts to a view of Buster, Babs, and Plucky as Buster walks towards Splicer)
Buster: "Don't worry, I'll handle this."
(The camera cuts to a view of Splicer's backside as he looks over Buster)
Buster: "Get a life, Splicer! I already had a shower this morning!"
(The camera cuts to a view of Buster as he reaches offscreen and pulls out the Warner Bros. logo, placing it in front of him like a shield. Splicer sprays the logo, burning it to ashes and exposing Buster with a nervous look on his face. The camera cuts to a view of Babs, Plucky, and Hamton)
Babs: "Thanks for handling it, Buster"
(The camera cuts to Splicer, who pulls out the remote control for Melvin's mind-control helmet)
Splicer: "Melvin, get them!"
(The camera focuses on the remote as Splicer points it towards Melvin and pushes the button, then cuts to Melvin, who is back under Splicer's control, growling furiously. It then cuts to a rather scared Buster, Babs, Plucky, and Hamton, then to a zoomed-out view of them as they are sandwiched in between him and Splicer)
Babs: "Don't listen to him, Melvin!"
(The camera cuts to a close-up of Babs)
Babs: "I'm your friend!"
(The camera cuts to a close-up of Melvin)
Babs: "Remember me?"
(Melvin growls in question, as it seems his crush on Babs is stronger than Splicer's control over his mind. The camera then cuts to Splicer)
Splicer: "Uh, yes, Melvin, get them! You are under my control!"
(The camera cuts back to Melvin, who looks confused, then to Babs and Splicer, who both fight for Melvin's trust)
Babs: "No!"
Splicer: "Yes!"
Babs: "No!"
Splicer: "Yes!"
(The camera cuts to Melvin, who bobs his head, looking back and forth at both Babs and Splicer)
Babs: "No!"
Splicer: "Yes!"
Babs: "No!"
Splicer: "Yes!"
Babs: "No!"
Splicer: "Yes!"
Babs: "No!"
Splicer: "Yes!"
Babs: "No!"
Splicer: "Yes!"
Babs: "No!"
Splicer: "Yes!"
Babs: "No!"
Splicer: "Yes!"
Babs: "No!"
Splicer: "Yes! Yes!"
Melvin (to the viewers): "I feel so torn."
(The camera cuts to a zoomed-out view as Melvin roars and tiptoes towards Buster, Babs, Plucky, and Hamton, making it look like he is still under Splicer's control. However, pounces at Splicer, and Buster, Babs, Plucky, and Hamton turn their heads towards Splicer and Melvin. The camera then cuts to a rather scared Splicer and zooms in on him as he tries to back away)
Splicer: "Melvin, no!"
(The camera cuts to a side view of Splicer and Melvin, focusing on them as Melvin pushes Splicer off the bridge. When Splicer runs off, Melvin grabs him, and they fall off the bridge together, looking like they are about to fall into the gene pool.)
Splicer: "No! No-o-o-o-o!"
(The camera cuts to a view of a chain as Splicer grabs it and Melvin continues falling. Splicer laughs evilly, then the camera cuts to a close-up of the chain as it snaps, then back to Splicer, who realizes he's doomed when the chain snaps. The camera then cuts to an overhead view of the gene pool as Splicer falls in, then cuts to a view outside the gene pool, moving towards an unconcious Melvin, whom Babs walks up to. Plucky follows her)
Babs: "Poor Melvin!"
(The camera cuts to a close-up of Babs and Melvin)
Babs: "All he ever needed was a little love."
(Babs kisses Melvin, and a light flashes over them upon their kiss. The camera cuts to a view of Buster, Plucky, and Hamton as Buster looks over Babs kissing Melvin, then he pulls out a sign that says, HEARTWARMING ISN'T IT?. The camera cuts back to Babs as she continues kissing Melvin, who awakens with hearts in his eyes. The camera then cuts to a zoomed-out view as Melvin gets up and hugs Babs, laughing, then to a close-up of them)
Babs: "Melvin! You're back to normal, so to speak!"
(The camera cuts to a view of Buster and Hamton)
Hamton: "Aww! I love a happy ending!"
(Hamton hugs Buster, then the camera cuts to a close-up of Plucky)
Plucky: "Ha! There's only one way for this story to have a happy ending!"
(The camera transitions to the outside of the EMMY AWARDS theatre, then the camera cuts to a view of Buster, Babs, Plucky, and Hamton sitting in the seats)
Plucky: "The Emmy awards! I finally made it!"
(The camera cuts to a view of Babs sitting next to Buster)
Buster: "Babs, I want to apologize."
Babs (simultaneously): "Buster, I want to apologize."
(Buster and Babs laugh together)
Babs: "No, really, I'm glad we're talking to each other."
Buster: "Me, too. And I promise, I'll never lie again."
(Buster points at Babs)
Buster: "Don't move, there's a spider on your shoulder!"
Babs (staring in shock): "Where? Ewww!"
Buster: "Ha ha! Made you look, made you look!"
Babs: "Buster Bunny!"
(The camera cuts to the Award Presenter at his podium)
Award Presenter: "And now, the winner for Best Supporting Actor In A Cartoon is..."
(The camera cuts to Plucky and focuses on him as he walks past the seats)
Plucky: "Uh, thank you, uh, thank you! This is such an honor!"
Award Presenter (heard offscreen): "Melvin the Monster!"
(Plucky stops and stares in shock, and the audience cheers. The camera cuts to Melvin, dressed in a tuxedo, accepting his award, then to a view of Plucky, who needless to say, is not happy about this one little bit)
Plucky: "What?! Oh, I tell you, there's no justice!"
(The camera cuts back to Hamton as a rooster can be heard crowing. The camera moves from Hamton to the seat where Plucky was previously, revealing the rooster is Splicer's head on a rooster's body, obviously an effect from the gene pool)
Splicer: "Mmm. You said a beakful. Awk!"
(The screen fades to black, and the credits roll)
Category:Tiny Toon Adventures
Category:Transcripts