Maxwell Sinclair

Special Agent Maxwell Sinclair was a highly skilled detective, secret agent, and assassin who Chaired of the Waifurian Imperial Bureau of Investigations during the early years of the Empire. He was an analytical, rational mind, an avid reader of Machiavelli, and was perhaps most notable for his role in the assassination of former Board of Waifuria Chairman James L. Fuck.
== Waifurian Imperial Bureau of Investigations ==
Soon after the Waifurian Empire's formation in 10 AB, the Mummy's closest advisors convened a closed-door meeting of high-ranking government officials from the former United States of America in the Bass Pro Shop Pyramid. Among those present at this meeting were James Fargo, James L. Fuck, and James Montgomery Washington IX. This small group of government officials plotted out the entire former United States Government and divied control of it among themselves (assuming, of course, that these departments would be reactivated after their 9-year hiatus under the North American Overlorddom). 
After this highly confidential meeting, James L. Fuck was declared Grand Justice of the Grand Court, (a hideous malformation of the US Supreme Court). The Court had only one Justice, that being James L. Fuck himself. A relative outsider, Special Agent Maxwell Sinclair, was appointed Interim Head of the Bureau of Investigations, pending a suitable replacement. That replacement would never come. 
James L. Fuck's Grand Court began immediately declaring numerous Overlorddish policies Unconstitutional; those being the 'Food is a Right' Policy, the 'Water is a Right' Policy, and the 'Clean Air for All' initiative. These decisions had a whopping 3% Approval rating from the Waifurian public, but it didn't matter, because James L. Fuck was all-powerful. In fact, once, for three weeks straight, the only time the court adjourned was for James L. Fuck's many frequent bathroom breaks, due to his unfortunate IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) Condition. 
In 21 AB, after 11 years of blasphemous and ridiculous court decisions, James L. Fuck made the worst mistake of his life when he declared the Waifurian Imperial Bureau of Investigations unconstitutional. Maxwell Sinclair, still Director at this time, was furious. He immediately contacted James L. Fuck and demanded that the Grand Court rescind their decision at once. James L. Fuck responded by farting, loudly, into the phone. 
"There's nothing you can do about it, fucklenuts!" Fuck jeered, "The WIBI is a joke!" 
== J for Vendetta ==
Maxwell Sinclair, a seasoned veteran of combat, who grew up under James L. Fuck's Board of Waifuria and was drafted under his successor's child-draft policy, had somewhat of a slight bias against the elderly gentleman. 
"So Fuck thinks he can fuck with us?" Sinclair grumbled to his top deputies, "Let's fuck Fuck up," 
The WIBI immediately launched a Formal Indictment of James L. Fuck on 422,156 charges including Criminal Negligence, Rackateering, Improper Discretion, and Innapropriate Flatulence. Travelling up through the Memphis, Tennessee Court of Appeals, the case worked its way all the way up through the Judicial system for six months before reaching the Grand Court and James L. Fuck's desk, where it was, of course, promptly dismissed. 
== Sinclair V. Waifuria ==
Sinclair was reprimanded by the Waifurian Empire, and asked by James Fargo to immediately step down from his post at the WIBI. Sinclair refused, and instead hired top Interplanetary law firm G-Man and Goodman, Attorneys at Law, to represent him in the Grand Court. This time, his lawsuit was against the Waifurian Empire itself, with numerous charges being alleged, again-- but perhaps, most importantly, one charge stood above them all- Treason. 
Sinclair alleged that the Mummy, James L. Fuck, and Fargo, among others, had failed to properly account for the needs and well-beings of its citizens in the course of the two autocratic, giga-state-capitalist revolutions that had occurred in the past 20 years. The case claimed the Mummy and Fuck, in particular, were responsible for hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of deaths due to their strict Child Draft Policy during the Great META War. He alleged they were in no fit state to govern the planet as they were, and should be removed from power immediately. He advocated for a reversion to the United States of America; at least that, Sinclair stated, was transparent in its wickedness. 
The Waifurian Empire, desperate for the best lawyer possible, used a disgusting amalgamation of duplicated artificial consciousnesses of Garrymede, The Thinker, and Saul Goodman himself, ironically, to fight the case. Due to being an all-knowing Artificial Intelligence, this gross, hulking glob of metal in fact won the case for Waifuria, and Sinclair was offered a settlement of $4 in damages. He flipped James L. Fuck off and screamed into the courtroom, "You're a bunch of fucking anemones!" 
== Assassination of James L. Fuck ==
Maxwell Sinclair was relieved of his position as head of WIBI, and retired to a small, seaside village in Jacksonville Florida. However, retired is perhaps not the right word, because Sinclair immediately began plotting an elaborate scheme to take out James L. Fuck, once and for all. 
August 16, 23 AB. James L. Fuck was in attendance of the Grand Waifurian Ball in the Foyer of the Bass Pro Shop Pyramid. Here were gathered dozens of the most important and influencial people in the Galaxy; bureaucrats, businessmen, and all the rot in between. James L. Fuck was seated at the largest table of the chamber; beside him was The Mummy himself. 
Dinner was served; an elegant helping of imitation Alaskan Cod (Due to the events of the Alaskan Cod and Coupon Fraud Incident), fried greens, and eggplant parmesan was served to all of the rich fucks. James L. Fuck was given a special, golden milkshake, in honor of 13 years serving as the Grand Court. He chugged it, and immediately excused himself, feeling the side effects of his IBS flaring up. He stepped into the bathroom and sat against the urinal to relieve himself. 
When he finished doing his business, he walked to the sink to wash his hands, and turned the faucet on. He cranked the faucet on and watched the water glide over his hands. However, to his horror, the water kept heating up, growing warmer and warmer until it reached boiling levels. He tried to pull his hands away, but found them pinned against the sink. Behind him, Maxwell Sinclair breathed against his neck. 
"This is the end for you, Fuck," Sinclair whispered, jamming a dagger into Fuck's back. While Fuck's hand skin boiled off in the sink, Maxwell Sinclair retrieved from his pocket a handgun and cocked it against Fuck's head. 
"Any last words, Fuck?" asked Sinclair. 
"Please don't do this, Max..." James pleaded, "Please, don't do this. I have a family... I have children..."
Maxwell shook his head. "Do you know how many people don't have children anymore, because of you? Do you know how many lives have been ruined or ended because of your greed and ignorance?" 
Fuck's hands were just bone. 
"goodbye, Fuck." Maxwell whispered, screaming loudly to mask the explosion as squeezed the trigger. 
Maxwell pocketed the latex gloves he'd been wearing and pulled a rubber mask out of his other pocket; that of a stunning likeness to James L. Fuck himself. He hunched over, straightened the false beard in the mirror, and smiled. 
== Fuck Fate ==
Fuck's body was never recovered, but the last time many people reported seeing him was him dragging a large garbage bag out of the bathroom in the Bass Pro Shop Pyramid. 
Category:Characters