Payroll, a Waterwall and Wham!/Transcript

This is the transcript for Payroll, a Waterwall and Wham!, which aired on March 3, 2022.
==Transcript==
1 Previously on B Positive Gina, how long are we gonna do this? Do what? I love you.
Ah, the long pause after I tell a woman I love her.
Reminds me of my marriage.
It's complicated.
I just I need more time.
- Morning.
- Morning.
Hey.
Are you mad at me? Not at all.
- Can we talk later? - Not sure.
I might need some more time.
Stings, don't it? Good morning! - Hey, everybody! - Hey! Morning! All right, let's get started.
Gideon, any health updates? We need to keep an eye on Mrs.
Jenkins.
Her blood pressure's a little high.
But she's from Mississippi, so that could be because a gay Black man touched her arm.
Make sure she's taking her meds and maybe ease up on the show tunes? I have something I'd like to say.
Uh, one second, Althea.
Bert, have you hired a new dishwasher? Yeah, but I don't think it's gonna work out.
He's not real smart.
How would you know? How would I know what? All right, moving on.
Can I please say something? One more second.
This is super important.
Another prospective resident has chosen Golden Horizons over us.
That is the third one this month.
How do we stop losing people to them? We go on their Facebook page and tell people they're sluts.
Gabby, we don't slut-shame other retirement homes.
- Can I please speak now? - Sure.
- I'm quitting.
- What? Starting Monday, I'm working at Golden Horizons.
Were you saying I'm not smart? It's okay to have just a little And it's swell to have a lot On the bottom or in the middle In a rowboat or a yacht Love is what we long for To be acknowledged and to be seen In the end, does it really matter If you're a prince A pauper or a queen? - The more you give - The more you give - The more you live - The more you live Your happiness is relative And if you're feeling like crap It's time to face the fact It's your prerogative Your prerogative To be positive You okay? My back.
It's been a while since I lifted weights.
I'm the weights.
Based on what I heard from my room, it was a one-minute set.
I can't hear.
What are they talking about over there? Bette and Spencer had sex.
Oh.
The chicken's good today.
We got a problem.
- What's up? - You know how Mrs.
Ludlum made the staff schedule? Maybe.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Well, she did.
Okay, what's the problem? With her gone, there's no schedule, and no one came in to work the night shift.
Well, what do we do? We go home.
You should probably freak out.
Tell her the other thing.
There's more? You know Mrs.
Hampton? That sweet quiet lady? Just turned 90? She's moving to Golden Horizons.
That bitch.
They sent two guys over to get all her stuff.
One cute, one didn't like to be tickled.
So they're poaching our residents now? - Looks like it.
- Oh, man.
- Anyway, have a good night! - Bye! You're really leaving me?! Up, up and away My beautiful, my beau Hello? How may I help you? Oh.
Yes, hi! I'm calling from Valley Hills.
I'm hoping to speak to someone who can help me with the insurance claims that we made on behalf of our residents No! No, please don't put me on hold again.
Please! I can't listen to that music! Tall and tan and young and lovely The girl from Ipanema goes walking And when she passes, each one she passes goes Screw it.
Hey.
Got a minute? How may I help you? I need to, uh, submit these gas receipts for reimbursement.
Why you tellin' me? Because Mrs.
Ludlum would normally cut me a check.
Do you see Mrs.
Ludlum? - I don't.
- Well, then I don't see how you're gonna get your money.
Is someone having a bad day? Bite me.
I'll take that as a yes.
I don't know how to do any of this! And I sure as hell don't know how to compete with Golden Horizons.
What if we went over there, you know? Checked 'em out? See what we're up against.
Like spies? Exactly.
We'll pose as a normal couple just looking at retirement homes.
Yeah.
And we could have Norma come along as my mom who I love, just not enough to let her live with us.
We'll need new names and a cover story.
I'll be Doug, a successful architect.
No, landscape architect.
With a drinking problem.
Maybe pills.
I'll work on it.
And I could be your wife, Stacey, who's only occasionally unfaithful.
- Why? - Oh, Doug, you know why.
Wow.
Swanky.
No wonder you're crappin' your nappies.
I told you not to bring her.
And I told her not to come.
Yet here we are.
Look at this place.
We don't have a chance.
You really don't.
I hate to say it I wouldn't mind living here.
- Drew.
- Doug.
Check out the pool.
Oh, and cabanas.
And cabana boys.
Those are cabana men.
Stacey cheats on you with him.
I get it.
He's like an Avenger.
Hi there! I'm Asher Singleton, regional director of Golden Horizons.
And, uh, you must be the Obama family.
Yes, it's actually O-apostrophe.
We're Irish.
O'Bama.
Ta-tee-ta-tee.
Hi, I'm Stacey.
Uh, this is my mother, Norma, - my Aunt Irene.
- Hello.
They're looking to move into an assisted living facility.
She has a titanium hip.
And she wears diapers.
Doug O'Bama, landscape architect.
- Nice to meet you.
- Yeah.
Uh, why don't we chat a bit and then we can take the tour.
You might want to have someone take a look at that ficus.
Among other amenities, we also have a four-lane bowling alley three restaurants and a holistic health spa with a natural hot spring.
Oh I guarantee you'll forget you're even at a retirement home.
Because it's great, not because of cognitive decline.
I'm in.
Why don't you go wait in the car? Why don't you go wait in the car? Ladies, ladies, please.
Oh, so sorry.
Sisters.
Half sisters.
Oh, yes.
Her father killed a man.
Uh, charming.
When are you looking to move in? - Oh, we're still thinking about it.
- Yeah, don't ask the old ball and chain to make a decision.
She'll just say she needs more time.
Doug, like I said on our wedding night, get off my back.
All right, kids.
Settle down.
We're also looking into Valley Hills.
Valley Hills? Don't you love your mommy? Um, she doesn't love anyone.
I've actually heard a lot of good things about that place.
Really? What I've heard is there is rampant drug use amongst the staff and the van driver is having a full mental breakdown.
I've heard that, too.
Plus, I just hired away their best person to be our general manager.
She is a gem.
That's all well and good, uh, but what we're looking for is a place that treats its residents with respect, kindness and compassion.
Once a year, we take all the residents on a cruise through the Caribbean.
How do you frickin' do that? We're a huge corporation.
We have our own boat.
I'm gonna go wait in the car.
This cruise ship, does it have slots? - One more? - Mm.
Nine more.
You're really good at your job.
You know what I'm good at? Nothing.
I thought I was good, because, you know, look at me.
I'm adorable.
But recent evidence suggests that that is not adequate.
You actually have to know stuff, and I I don't know stuff.
I don't I don't even know what I don't even know.
- Have some nuts.
- See? You're good at your job.
Oh, my.
Now I know how Rose felt when she went below deck in Titanic.
Uh, no spoilers.
I haven't seen it yet.
Come on.
Hey.
Oh, hey.
Mm, it's time for you to go home.
Ooh, but I just got my nuts.
Those are the best.
When you wake up the next day, they're still in your teeth, and you can eat them again.
Yeah, come on, Gina, this isn't accomplishing anything.
Don't you get it, Drew? I failed.
I completely failed.
I can't run Valley Hills without Mrs.
Ludlum, and I sure as hell can't compete with a place that has a damn boat.
Okay, so you failed a few times.
Success only has meaning if you've also failed.
Believe me, I should know.
When did you succeed? Hey, I'm on your side.
Can I tell you a little story? Uh, Bert, now's not the time.
When I was in culinary school, I thought I was the worst one in class.
No matter what I cooked, everything turned to diarrhea.
Not literally, but was the cause of.
Where are you going with this? Let's see.
I worked my ass off, I never gave up and when I graduated, I got recruited to be the head chef at the Connecticut State Prison For Women.
Which is also where I met my wife.
I don't even know what to say to that.
No one ever does.
Gina, do you know the saying, it's not how many times you get knocked down, it's how many times you get up? I do.
It's time for you to get up.
I don't want to.
Get up, Gina.
No.
I just want to stay here with my salty nuts.
Get up.
Get up.
Okay.
Okay, I will.
It's time to get up.
- Oh, God.
- It's okay! I'm okay.
No, I'm not.
It'd be great if you could get those insurance reimbursements in the mail today.
Payroll's all squared away, the bills are taken care of.
What's so funny? You guys know how to do stuff.
- Why wouldn't we? - You're old.
I finished the staff schedule for the next week.
I happen to excel at Excel.
Yeah, say it a tenth time, then it'll be funny.
How's it coming with the, uh, Yelp reviews? I think I got a winner here.
"My grandmother checked in to Golden Horizons "a vibrant, fun-loving 85-year-old woman.
She's no longer vibrant and fun-loving 'cause she's dead.
" I prefer mine.
"Like the winds of Aeolus in Homer's Odyssey, Golden Horizons blows.
" Mine's simpler.
"The rooms are small and the people are ugly.
" Hello, is this Mr.
Asher Singleton? Hello, Asher, this is Cynthia Wallaby Smugbottom.
How have you been? What do you mean you don't know me? I'm going to have your baby, you scoundrel! Watch your step, Cynthia, I think your water broke.
Oh, God, no.
What's happening? Well, uh sometimes when you have trouble getting up, people help you.
I don't understand.
We're getting all the paperwork done Mrs.
Ludlum took care of.
Really? It was his idea.
Well, everyone pitched in.
But yes, it was mainly me.
Thank you.
How you feeling? Ugh, not so great, I Hold on.
Nuts.
Ew.
Nothing like a cold beer after a job well done.
Mm-hmm.
I'll stick to my hard seltzer.
- Yeah.
- Beer gives me the toots.
And is the job done? Seems like Gina's gonna need our help until she can replace Mrs.
Ludlum.
We're here for her.
You need to hit the road.
Well, eventually.
Okay l-let me guess, you're sticking around to "help Gina," right, hoping she'll come to her senses.
Mm.
The Jedi master sees through his young Padawan.
Shut up with that nonsense.
Seriously.
You really think there's a future for you two? Well, I did tell her I love her.
So what? I once saw Ava Gardner in a train station, I yelled out "I love you, Ava!" Frank Sinatra's goons chased me for 11 blocks.
What's your point? Well, I had more of a shot than you do.
I just wish she'd give me a chance.
Well, my old man used to say, "Wish in one hand, crap in the other, see which one fills first.
" Hmm.
That is an unpleasant image.
So is you sitting in a retirement home waiting for the princess to come kiss the frog.
So basically, I'm a frog with a fistful of poop? Now you're getting it.
Gina? Some ginger kid unplugged it.
What are you doing here? Uh, I missed you, I just wanted to check in.
Over here.
So, um, how you liking your new job? It's fine.
I've got a big office with a view of the putting green.
Hmm.
Putting green.
How about that? I got to admit, I had no idea how much you did at Valley Hills.
You thought I worked 60 hours a week 'cause I liked the constant smell of old people? I don't smell it anymore.
It's like when you live next to a farm.
I'm sorry I didn't appreciate you like I should've.
You and me both.
I want you back.
- Gina - Hear me out.
I cannot do this without you.
So let me make you general manager.
I'm already general manager here.
Plus ten percent ownership of Valley Hills.
Are you serious? You are the glue that holds that place together.
Now if we succeed, you succeed.
I don't know what to say.
Say yes.
I admit, this place doesn't have the soul of Valley Hills.
I knew we had something they didn't.
Yesterday we had to kick somebody out 'cause they lost their insurance.
- You would never do that.
- No.
I wouldn't.
I also wouldn't know how.
Well, I appreciate the offer.
I just need some time to think.
I get it.
Boy, do I get it.
Thanks for talking with me.
- Gina.
- Yeah? Do you still think it was the right thing for you to buy Valley Hills? I do.
- Althea, do you have a moment? - Oh.
Mrs.
O'Bama, how lovely to see you again.
"Mrs.
O'Bama"? Mm, got to go.
Why did I do that? Hey.
- Hey.
- Hey, good news.
Uh Mrs.
Ludlum's coming back.
Oh, that is good news.
I just, I wanted to thank you again for everything you did.
Well, you gave me a kidney and I scraped you off of a barroom floor, I'd say we're even.
Yeah.
I'm I'm really lucky to have you.
No, I'm the lucky one.
So I have decided on my next adventure.
Oh.
Valley Forge again? I am intrigued by the historical reenactments.
I was actually thinking Alaska.
Wow.
Really? I've always wanted to go.
Maybe I can work on a crab boat for the summer like in Deadliest Catch.
I have a nice set of rain boots.
That's a long time to be gone.
I figured it would be good for me to get away for a while.
Are you sure about that? I'm sure.
It just feels like it's time for me to move on.
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