Ghost Vs. Claptrap

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Ghost Vs. Claptrap is the fifth episode of Moleman's Epic Rap Battles Season 4 and the forty-seventh instalment of the series in total. In a battle of artificial sidekicks from futuristic video games, it features Claptrap, the wise-cracking and cowardly robot from Borderlands, against Ghost, the loyal and selfless machine from Destiny.
==Cast:==
*David Ohlsen as Claptrap
*WrightOnTarget as Ghost
==Lyrics:==
===Claptrap:===
Hello, Traveler… aw, what; I have to settle for the minion,
Who conscripts the dead and tags along for dreadful exposition?
When I Gaige what threat's posed, I observe this match as no Deathtrap for me:
It's veteran vault-hunter versus chatterbox phylactery!
I'm strapped with rhyming packages designed for prime delivery;
No monster from the Moon could summon up this kind of wizardry!
My Failsafe plot will knock your mood from cheery to depressed, man;
Break your heart and turn you blue like you're a legendary engram!
From the lineage of Diablo comes one clever little devil,
Here to splice together verses forged at the perfected level!
How can you expect your Bungie cord to save your stupid ass
When they dropped Dinklage from their history like Days of Future Past?
You've not a glimmer of a chance with my nine million dollar swagger;
Call me Crota: I'm your worst nightmare, about to drop the hammer!
Think your lyric-logic sharper still? You're killing me with laughter;
You're a smaller, duller Clank with less utility than Daxter!
===Ghost:===
I'm coming out of my shell, and I'll be doing just fine,
So captain, don't say a word; CL4P-TP's mine.
It started out by a bus; an Angel's voice, misplaced trust:
If only you'd stayed back in those Badlands to rust!
I'm Mr. Lightside, spark of life for mankind's Guardians to harness;
You're a discarded retard restarted by his inner darkness:
Aftermarket R2-D2, and it won't be hard to beat you,
When your bluffs are easy as your secret stash tasks are to see through,
But it isn't Poker Night, and your rap-inventory's lacking.
Your best bet would be submission; lose the Ghaul, and go get packing.
Throwing in, though, with the Vanguard? You'll be stumped to find a role,
When your most revolutionary acts were under mind-control!
As Gambits go, I drop bar-blockers; muck your flow's whole feeble feed.
You're just a chicken little clucker; what you boast won't be believed,
And I have time aplenty to explain why yours is running short:
Target intangible, give up if it's the Ghost you're gunning for.
Those grating vocals are your sole component I'd dare say could frighten:
I've heard sounds more soothing shrieking out beneath the waves of Titan,
And it's ill-advised to make recasting disses your intention;
Your O.G. V.A. stormed out on Randy Pitchford with a vengeance!
===Claptrap:===
You're not built to roll with 'bots this boss; unfit for getting down.
Within my mind's ascendant realm, you'll be Eclipsed the second round!
Hop back inside your captain's pack, and don't expect an S.D.U.,
'Cause by the end of my attack, you'll be left begging for rescue!
You're spitting at the lowest tier; I've never seen a southern shelf.
What, did you pull a Grimoire with your punchlines; leave them somewhere else?
All that gear-grinding really grinds my gears; I'm not sure which is worse:
The beats your players go through weekly, or the Dreaming City's curse!
It's no denial: I'm unfazed by all the filth you're barking at me,
When it's spouted by the bastard spawn of Guilty Spark and Navi!
Each one of Pandora's quests does something wholly out the box;
I bet you would have someone fetch 140,000 rocks,
While facing the familiar four foe forces, season after season,
Your affairs with Taken more repetitive than Liam Neeson's,
And while yes, my problem-fix requests took seven years to answer,
Last I checked, your promised pyramids aren't getting here much faster.
===Ghost:===
Face it, Clappy: your whole life's a joke. I find this fight unfair,
'Cause how can you be stepping up when you can't climb a flight of stairs?
Those who sought refuge in the Reef, extraordinarily, were blessed;
When Borderlands got woke with 3, the story turned into a mess!
I guide the way for heroes as they go to town on blackest reaches;
You couldn't form a fireteam fit to strike down a stack of pizzas!
Yeah, it's hard to catch a break sometimes: with that, I could relate,
But you're as lovable as Frankenstein; just ask your would-be mate!
No Vex would entertain the thought of a timeline where this will turn your way;
Claptrap's crap raps are bombing harder than his fireworks display!
Don't look for any openings here; trying won't be wise:
The door to triumph's sealed as tightly as the Iron Lords' demise!
A trip through that square little head of yours revealed a greater space,
But now, scans show me one that's emptier than Anthem's player base.
Your super-trooper jaunts at lunar haunts among the stars were many;
With your golden age's end, though, you collapsed as hard as any!
===Claptrap:===
Never choking, even in a vacuum, I could go for days;
Once my cyclops-eye's set on you, it's like you've caught the Gorgon's gaze!
Your derivative monsters are whimpering germs; watch Vermivorous wolf down your whispering worm,
And as raid features go, that Leviathan's tame: there's world-eaters more dope in wack buy-the-win games!
I bust it like Ray Parker Jr.; see no reason I should fear ya'.
Just be seen and not heard, loser; leave the speaking to Sagira!
Her old flame from Firefly in your command team was a blessing;
Then, they offed him for shock's sake, and had you stand-in for his death scene!
===Ghost:===
Funny you'd be flinging FL4K for firing Fillion, little spastic:
Your acclaimed arch foe was ripped off from his Jimmy Kimmel antics!
Ragnarök is Dawning; slam-Hodunking on your wretched hide,
When Gjallarhorn lights up the sky like Scooter's final catch-a-ride!
You're surely on some kind of ether that no Scorn would dare ingest;
I'm sending this offending endling to the scrapheap with the rest!
You'll blow your optic out, and wander trying to find it all Fortnite;
Someone call Manfred Mann: this douche just got rap-blinded by the Light!
==Trivia:==
*The third battle to feature a Borderlands character after Gruntilda Vs. Handsome Jack and Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World.
*This battle was originally conceived as a match-up between Claptrap and Klaptrap from Donkey Kong Country, but due to having very few adequate material to work with regarding the latter, it was decided that his opponent would be Ghost with TacoDude's approval. https://molemanninethousand.tumblr.com/tagged/Claptrap
**Ironically, Moleman would start playing Destiny while he was working on the S3 Titans battles, which began as a fan-request by DAQueenRuler.
*On the Upcoming Battle Possibilities page, "Daxter Vs. Ghost" was listed as a potential match-up, but instead, he and Jak fought Samurai Jack.
*So far, this is the only rap battle in Season 4 to feature just two characters without any cameos or back-up rappers. 
Category:David Ohlsen
Category:Season 4
Category:WrightOnTarget