Transcripts/Harkinian Destroys the Earth

This is the transcribed dialogue and actions from the episode Harkinian Destroys the Earth.
Hyrule Castle, Inside.
Harkinian: Hi there! I'm the King of Hyrule, and this is mah boi, Link. 
Harkinian: He's gay, as you can see.
Link: How 'bout a kiss? For-
Harkinian: Text me in the morning. 
Harkinian: iteachvader has almost 500 subscribers! If you get him to 500 subs, I'm going to put back Link's sexy dinner.
Link puts on a "rape face."
Later.
Morshu: It's lamp oil, my friend. You want to drink it?
Harkinian: Yes! I want to drink lamp oil.
Morshu: Come back when it's light outside.
Harkinian: But it's daytime!
Morshu: Sorry, King Harkinian. 
Morshu: You're a little....
Morshu:...mmmm....
Morshu: Too early.
Harkinian: Fuck you and your shitty shop! 
Harkinian: I'm going to Duke Onkled's for dinner.
Title card: LATER
Harkinian:...Duke Onkled?
Off-screen, Onkled jumps in fright, shattering glass.
Onkled: OOH! URGH! 
Onkled: Your Omnipotence!! Is that you!?
Harkinian: Yes, it's me.
beat
Onkled: Go away.
Harkinian: What?
Onkled: Zelda told me to tell you to go away...
Harkinian: OAH!
Harkinian gets VERY pissed, with red eyes.
Onkled: HAVE MERCY- 
Harkinian smacks him across the face.
Onkled: OUGH-
Harkinian: That HOE! I'm hungry!
Zelda: Father? What happene-
Harkinian: YOU! 
Harkinian: I'm hungry! 
Harkinian *in a deep Ganon voice*: YOU ARE MY DINNER.
Zelda draws her sword, but Harkinian eats her one second later.
Onkled wakes up and looks for Zelda.
Onkled: Zelda...?
beat
Harkinian jumpscares him.
Onkled: YOUR OMNIPOT-!
Harkinian eats him as well.
Onkled: URGH! 
Meanwhile, in Impa's room.
Impa *while glancing at the Triforce*: Oh dear, the King's been in a terrible fight! I can't tell what- 
Harkinian and Zelda appear in the Triforce.
Impa: Oh, look!
Triforce Harkinian *points at Triforce Zelda*: Sex toy!
Triforce Link: Yeah!
Impa: What the heck?
Zelda *off-screen*: Impa!?
Hectan *with Impa's voice*: Yes?
Harkinian: WHOA! What the fuck!?
Harkinian attempts to beat Hectan up, but he dodges with ease.
Harkinian: Fuck this shit!
Harkinian punches faster, finally lands a couple blows, and nearly gets decapitated by a shot from Hectan.
Harkinian: WHOA!
The camera cuts outside, and Harkinian gets knocked out of the castle.
Harkinian: WHOA!
The battle continues for a bit, and Harkinian gets knocked out of Hyrule Castle.
Harkinian: HAAAAAOOOOOOOO!
Harkinian retaliates, re-enters the castle by blowing a giant hole in the wall and resumes the fight. 
Mario and Luigi walk up to visit the castle and open the door, but they stop at the sounds of Harkinian and Hectan fighting. 
The fight stops for a few moments. 
beat
Harkinian begins powering up while Hectan gives a befuddled stare.
Mario and Luigi quickly flee, but the resulting explosion instantly disintegrates them.
Scenes of the Earth's destruction are shown. 
Link: Gee, it sure is...
Link is caught by the explosion. 
Ganon: Join me Link, and I'll make your fa...
Ganon is caught as well. 
Earth is slowly destroyed by Harkinian's powerful energy blast.
beat.
Mayor Kravendish *off-screen*: This is illegal, you know.
The episode ends shortly after.Category:Transcripts