The Blackman Cometh/Script

THE BLACKMAN COMETH
The special starts with Ben’s Gabenist baptizing at the Westboro Gabenist Church, sometime during 2009. Ben’s parents bring forth 14-year-old Ben to the altar, where priest FACM is waiting to baptize him.
(Ben’s Mom): Honey, did you hear the new Lady Gaga single?
(Ben’s Dad): Of course I did. It was totally killer. Have you checked out that new show Glee?
(Ben’s Mom): For sure. It was the real deal.
(Ben’s Dad): Straight up ballin'.
(Ben): You guys are dumb.
They bring 14-year-old Ben to FACM.
(FACM): Thank you all for joining us at the baptizing of young Ben Tennyson.
(Ben): I’m not young, I’m 14!
(FACM): Shut up, you brat. Anyways, we’re here to baptize him into the greatest religion in the world, Gabenism.
(Ben): Whatever.
(FACM): SHOW SOME RESPECT, BOY! Let’s just baptize this little runt already. Little Boy, get me some tapwater.
Little Boy runs to the bathroom and gets some tapwater into a bottle. He runs back and hands FACM the bottle.
(Little Boy): We’re getting Baskin Robbins after this, right?
(FACM): Not now, Little Boy.
FACM pours the tapwater over Ben.
(FACM): He’s blessed.
(Ben): Aren’t you supposed to put me in a tub or something?
(FACM): Am I here to baptize you or am I here to bathe you? Get out of my swamp!
FACM sprays Ben with Windex.
(Ben): *hisses like a cat*
Ben runs to the door, but is stopped by Gaben teleporting in front of him.
(Gaben): Hello, Benjamin!
(Ben): AAAAH! WHO IN THE NAME OF SAMMYCLASSICSONICFAN ARE YOU!?
(Gaben): I am Gaben. This whole religion is based around me. There are literally paintings of me hanging in this very church, how do you NOT know who I am?
(Ben): Oopsie doopsie.
(Gaben): Anyways, I am here to give you my blessing. You are gonna grow up to do very important things, Ben Tennyson.
(Ben): Really?
(Gaben): Yes. Your career of world-saving and villain-defeating is far from ogre. It has just begun. You will be an AMERICAN hero.
Gaben’s words echoes on as the scene cuts to Ben sitting on the couch at home, watching TV with a bag of Funyuns.
(Ben): Oh man, I am such a hero.
Outside, a Way Bad is crushing the city.
(Ben): There hasn’t been any crime for like, a week!
The Way Bad roars like Godzilla and destroys several buildings with his arm laser.
(Ben): I guess crime is finally starting to realize not to mess with Ben Tennyson!
Baumann is knocked into Ben’s home by an explosion.
(Baumann): BEN, THAT WAY BIG IS DESTROYING THE CITY!
(Ben): It’s a Saturday, not my problem.
Ferrick falls through the ceiling.
(Ferrick): Ow. You gotta help, Ben. The Way Bad ate my family.
(Ben): I don’t work past five.
Eating noises and a burp are heard. Pan-Pizza’s hat comes floating down through the hole Ferrick left in the ceiling.
(Baumann): For Gabe’s sake, do something!
(Ben): Why do you guys need me to fix every single little problem that you have? Why can’t you just fix it yourself?
Vilgax comes in with an ice cream cone with no ice cream.
(Vilgax): BEN! THAT WAY BIG ATE MY ICE CREAM! *cries*
(Ben): WHAT!?
Ben stands up.
(Ben): I’M GONNA TAKE HIM DOWN!
Ben turns into Astrodactyl and flies out through the Ferrick hole. He confronts the Way Bad.
(Astrodactyl): Hey, you! Get the Shrek out of my city, RAAAAK!
The Way Bad spits on Astrodactyl and he falls to the ground. He turns back into Ben.
(Ben): I feel like this has happened to me before.
Ben turns into Lodestar.
(Lodestar): This magnetic alien should be perfect at taking down a giant who can shoot laser beams!
Lodestar magnetizes a park bench, and throws it at the Way Bad. Surprisingly, it actually does something, as it hits the Way Bad in the eye.
(Lodestar): Oh wow, it actually worked.
The Way Bad steps on Lodestar, and he turns back into Ben.
(Ben): Y’know what, I don’t feel like doing this whole multi-alien fight scene today, so I’ll just finish you off quickly.
Ben turns into Way Big, and pushes the Way Bad into a lake. A bright, dark fuchsia flash happens, and suddenly the Way Bad is gone. Ben turns back.
(Ben): Wait, where did he go?
(Baumann): He disappeared in a some kind of pink flash!
(Ben): Disappeared? Way Bigs don’t just disappear! They’re the size of skyscrapers!
(Ferrick): Didn’t stop the Twin Towers.
(Everyone): Wow. WoooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW.
(Baumann): Too soon, Ferrick.
(Ben): Anyways, we gotta find that Way Big!
(Vilgax): Maybe he teleported away!
(Ferrick): I don’t think so. That flash reminds me of the same flash that happens when Ben detransforms.
(Ben): What are you saying, Ferrick? That this Way Big isn’t a Way Big, just some guy with an Omnitrix?
(Ferrick): Possibly.
(Ben): It must be Albedo!
(Baumann): It wasn’t Albedo! He would be red if he was Albedo, but he was dark pink-ish!
(Ferrick): No, no. It was clearly a darker shade of fuchsia.
(Ben): The color doesn’t matter! What matters is that whoever ate Vilgax’s ice cream is an Omnitix user!
(Ferrick): Maybe Azmuth has more information.
(Ben): Well then, I think we all know where we have to go next!
THE EHLECTRIC COMPANY INTRO
Cut to the whole gang in a Baskin Robbins. Little Boy and FACM are also there in the background.
(Ben): Okay, guys. Azmuth is supposed to be here any minute.
(Ferrick): If anyone knows anything about this, it should be Azmuth.
Psyphon comes back with more ice cream.
(Psyphon): Here’s your ice cream, Vilgax.
(Vilgax): It’s not the same!
(Psyphon): Fine, bitch, jeez.
Psyphon scoops into his ice cream, but is surprised to find Azmuth!
(Azmuth): What it looks like, this is not!
(Ben): Finally you’re here!
(Ferrick): Azmuth, some guy with a trix attacked Bellwood as a Way Big. Do you know anyone besides Ben and Albedo who has a trix?
(Azmuth): Yeah, Vilgax. Ultimatrix, he has.
Everybody looks at Vilgax.
(Vilgax): …I got it for my birthday.
(Baumann): Well Vilgax was there, so it couldn’t be him!
(Ben): So I guess it was someone with a trix not made by Azmuth.
(Azmuth): No. There is another. I can feel it. He feels familiar, yet different. Like a previous hero, reborn again… as something much darker.
(Ben): What do you mean, Azmuth?
(Azmuth): There are no more Omnitrixes left, but yet I feel another one. You must find the one who possesses it, Ben Tennyson. Find him… and destroy him.
(Ben): Yeah, well, he’s clearly senile.
Psyphon throws his ice cream away, and Azmuth goes down with it.
(Azmuth): Very nice, this is not!
Cut to the next day. Ben is watching TV.
(TV Person): And now back to Harangue Nation.
Will Harangue is standing at an anti-Gabenist rally happening in the streets of central Bellwood.
(Will Harangue): I’m standing here LIVE at an anti-Gabenist rally happening right now in the streets of central Bellwood! These people are rallying against the religion of Gabenism, even though it CLEARLY been proven that Gaben is indeed the creator and ruler of the universe and he even walks amongst us mortals to this very day. Why these people are such idiots Tom, we may never know. Back to you in the studio.
(Ben): An Anti-Gabenist rally!? I gotta get down there!
Ben turns into XLR8 and races down to the anti-Gabenist rally. Ben turns back.
(Ben): What’s going on here, guys?
(Anti-Gabenist): There’s a beautiful, enlightened man up there giving a speech about why that evil, EVIL Gabenism is a foolish idea!
(Ben): Who?
(Anti-Gabenist): No one knows his true name, but they call “Booker Bitchface”!
(Booker Bitchface): My fellow anti-Gabenists! We are here to FIGHT against our aggressive Gabenist rulers! We are sick and tired of being forced to live by their ridiculous ways! I say NO MORE! If my child wants to play an EA game, HE GETS TO PLAY AN EA GAME!
(Ben): TAKE THAT BACK!
Suddenly, it gets all silent. Everyone looks at Ben.
(Booker Bitchface): Oh, it’s you. What are you doing here, you foolish little runt?
(Ben): Do I know you?
(Booker Bitchface): You know me better than you think you do. But we’ll save that for later. For now, TAKE HIM OUT MY ANTI-GABENISTS!
The Anti-Gabenists draw their hammers and pickaxes. Two Anti-Gabenists take on Ben from opposite sides. He turns into AmpFibian and zaps them both with electricity. One Anti-Gabenist bows down to be used as a platform for another Anti-Gabenist, who tries to jump onto AmpFibian, but is quickly shocked as well.
(Booker Bitchface): You fools! Can’t you see he has electric powers? Use it against him!
(AmpFibian): Hey, stop that! I’m trying to kick ass here, don’t tell them to think!
(Booker Bitchface): Are you telling me that these citizens aren’t even allowed to THINK!?
(AmpFibian): Oh c’mon, you took my words out of context!
(Booker Bitchface): GET HIM!
(AmpFibian): I’m too tired for this.
AmpFibian turns into Swampfire. He spreads his gas all over the area.
(Swampfire): Burn in hell, you damn dirty commies!
Swampfire lights the gas, and all the Anti-Gabenists catch on fire.
(Booker Bitchface): Looks like I’ll have to take you out myself!
(Swampfire): What are you gonna do, bore me to death?
(Vilgax): *in the distance* OH YOU’RE GONNA NEED A BURN HEAL
(Booker Bitchface): Actually, I was thinking more of THIS!
Booker Bitchface jumps down from the podium and kicks Swampfire in the teeth. He falls over, and Booker Bitchface aims a gun at him.
(Booker Bitchface): Giving up yet?
(Swampfire): Never!
Booker Bitchface shoots Swampfire in the chest.
(Swampfire): …still not giving up!
Swampfire jumps up and lights Booker Bitchface’s cape on fire. Booker pulls it off and throws it onto the podium, which quickly catches fire.
(Booker Bitchface): This is where I take my leave, Tennyson!
(Swampfire): What? I’m not done yet—
The whole podium explodes. Swampfire is knocked by the pressure, and turns back into Ben. Ben gets up and looks around, but Booker Bitchface is long gone.
(Ben): Dammit, where did he go? Black guys don’t just disappear!
Ferrick appears out of a manhole.
(Ferrick): Didn’t stop O.J. Simpson.
Baumann appears out of another manhole.
(Baumann & Ben): Wow. WOOOOOOOOOOOOW.
Cut to the White House. Steve Harwell is sitting behind his trusty desk, when John Kerry comes in.
(Steve Harwell): Oh, hello John! What brings you here to the Oval Office?
(John Kerry): Steve, I bring you bad news. The Anti-Gabenists are rallying all over the country. They’re growing every second and they’re causing mayhem and destruction.
(Steve Harwell): That sounds very worrying. What do we do?
(John Kerry): Well, we have reason to believe that they’re targeting you for kidnapping. Come with me, I’ll bring you to a save place.
(Steve Harwell): Well, alright then.
Steve Harwell gets up and walks out of the Oval Office, but suddenly John Kerry stabs him in the neck with a syringe.
(Steve Harwell): AUGH! What do you think you’re doing, Kerry!?
(John Kerry): Down with Gabenism.
Steve Harwell faints. John Kerry calls Booker Bitchface on his phone.
(John Kerry): Mr. Bitchface? I have the president.
(Booker Bitchface): Did you inject him with the serum?
(John Kerry): Yes.
(Booker Bitchface): Good.
Booker Bitchface is standing alone in his secret hideout with a map of America hanging on the wall.
(Booker Bitchface): The serum will infect his mind and make him an Anti-Gabenist like us. With the president on our side, we will RULE America, and soon the WORLD! *laughs evilly*
(John Kerry): Cool. Hey, I’m swinging by the Subway to pick up some lunch, you want something?
(Booker Bitchface): Oh, sure! Get me one with turkey bacon and extra lettuce.
(John Kerry): Okay. Hey, you still owe 5 bucks.
(Booker Bitchface): uhh… I’ve got to go.
Booker hangs up.
(John Kerry): Well now I see why they call him Bitchface!
Laugh track.
Cut to Ben showing Looma around the Plumber base.
(Ben): And this is where grandpa Max does his P90X!
(Looma): Sounds disgusting.
Max comes out of the room. He’s dressed in work-out clothing and holding a Gatorade bottle.
(Max): Hey, Ben. I’m just gonna go to the other room, get some work done on my sick abs, stretch my pelvis, that kinda stuff.
Max walks away.
(Looma): I’m gonna have nightmares about that tonight.
(Ben): Trust me, once you see Grandpa Max working out, you’ll never stop having nightmares about him.
Suddenly, Blukic and Driba come in.
(Driba): BEN! YOU’VE GOTTA SEE THIS!
(Ben): What? What’s going on?
(Blukic): President Harwell is giving a speech at Washington.
Blukic and Driba put CNN on the big screen, and all the Plumbers gather to watch.
(Will Harangue): I’m standing here live in Washington DC, where president Steve Harwell is about to address the recent increase of Anti-Gabenists in America.
(Steve Harwell): My fellow Americans, change is coming to this country. From now on, I am BANNING Gabenism!
Psycho sound effect over shots of Ben, Looma, Blukic, Driba, Will Harangue, and some other Plumbers looking horrified.
(Ben): WHAT!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! They can’t just ban a whole religion, can they?
Ferrick pops out of a manhole.
(Ferrick): I wish they’d do that to those Jews.
(Blukic & Driba): uuhhhh
(Looma): This can’t be happening!
(Ben): Something is wrong! I know Steve Harwell, he would NEVER ban Gabenism just like that!
A super ripped Max jumps down from the ceiling.
(Max): YARRR! Ben, you and Hobble have to go inspect this situation!
(Hobble): ME!? Why do I have to go!?
(Max): Baumann isn't responded to my calls, YARRR!
(Ben): I wonder why.
Cut to the Baumannatorium. Baumann is working behind the counter, serving costumers as usual, when suddenly a commercial on the television catches his eye.
(Matt Damon): Lately, there's been a seismic shift in what passes for common sense. Used to be, we socked money away and expected it to grow. Then the world changed, and the common sense of retirement planning became anything but common. Fortunately, TD AMERI-Trades investment consultants can help you find a plan that fits your life. Take control by opening a new account or rolling ogre an old 401K today and we'll throw in up to $600. How's that for common sense?
(Baumann): Hm. Maybe I should start looking into my retirement plan. I'm getting pretty old...
Suddenly, all the lights turn off.
(Baumann): Huh? What's going on?
The lights turn on. Buamann appears out of nowhere.
(Buamann): Maybe you should fix the lights instead of planning your retirement, old fart!
(Baumann): Buamann? Get the Shrek out of my store!
(Buamann): Why, can’t a man buy some milk around here?
Kevin comes in.
(Kevin): Mr. Baumann, something is wrong with the door! It won’t open!
(Baumann): What!? Did you do this, Buamann!?
(Buamann): I dunno, maybe, possibly, who knows.
(Kevin): We’re stuck in here!
(Baumann): Stuck!? We can’t be stuck! Jeopardy starts in an hour!
Baumann runs ogre to the door and pulls on it as hard as he can, but it wont budge.
(Gwen): What are we gonna do!?
(Francis): *growling intensely*
(Buamann): Who’s mutt is this? He’s angry, someone calm him down!
(Kevin): Hey, that’s MY dog!
Francis runs into an aisle and knocks over the cereal stand.
(Baumann): MY STORE!
(Kevin): Dammit, Francis!
Kevin cleans it up.
(Kevin): Gotta keep the store nice.
(Gwen): So how are we gonna get out of here?
(Kevin): I dunno. Maybe we can call Ben to help us.
(Gwen): No, not Ben! All he ever does is break everything!
The lights turns off. When they turn back on, Francis is dead!
(Kevin): FRANCIS! NO!
(Baumann): Somebody murdered that dog!
(Gwen): But who? Who would murder Francis?
Everyone stares at Buamann.
(Buamann): Well that’s not very nice!
Cut to the White House. Ben and Hobble sneak in through the window. They’re dressed in stealthy clothing. 
(Hobble): Time to find out why President Harwell is acting so different!
Hobble runs through the hall and immediately trips on his own toes with cartoony sound effects.
(Ben): …How are you Alpha Squad?
A guard comes.
(Ben): Oh no, a guard! Quickly Hobble, we gotta hide!
Ben and Hobble hid behind the curtains. The guard continues his patrol, and meets another guard.
(Guard #1): Hey, did you hear about what Kerry did?
(Guard #2): Of course I did. Otherwise, we wouldn’t be here right now.
(Guard #1): Yeah, yeah, I know right? It was totally cool.
(Guard #2): …you don’t know what happened, do you?
(Guard #1): Of course I do! …most of it. ….some of it. ….I don’t know.
(Guard #2): Supreme leader Booker Bitchface sent John Kerry to inject Steve Harwell with a serum that made him an Anti-Gabenist!
(Guard #1): Oooh, so THAT’S what happened! Well, I sure hope there’s not a Plumber agent listening to us right now so they could know what we did to President Harwell and stop us.
(Hobble): But WE’RE Plumber agents!
(Ben): Gabe dammit, shut up Hobble!
(Guard #2): Hey, who’s there?
Guard #1 looks behind the curtain to find Meow Mixer and Hobble disguised as a cat.
(Meow Mixer): Woof!
(Hobble): …what he said!
(Guard #1): False alarm, just cats.
(Guard #2): Yeah, but didn’t we hear something?
(Guard #1): It was probably these cats meowing.
(Guard #2): But we heard actual words formed into a sentence, not meowing.
(Guard #1): Let it go, John.
The guards continue their patrol, and Meow Mixer and Hobble come out from behind the curtains. Ben detransforms and then slaps Hobble.
(Hobble): Ow!
(Ben): HOW are you Alpha Squad!?
Cut to the set of Saturday Night Live. Edward Norton is hosting alongside musical guest Janelle Monae.
(Edward Norton): Hey this is Edward Norton, I’m hosting SNL this week with Janelle Monae!
Suddenly, a storm of Anti-Gabenists come in. 
(Anti-Gabenist): EVERYBODY GET DOWN ON THE GROUND!
(Janelle Monae): Oh no, Japanese extremists! Do something, Edward!
(Edward Norton): *speaks Japanese*
The Anti-Gabenist hits Edward in the face.
(Janelle Monae): Edward, are you okay!?
(Edward Norton): Not really!
Janelle Monae picks up the Anti-Gabenist and uses him as a bowling ball on the other Anti-Gabenists.
(Edward Norton): Now what do we do?
(Janelle Monae): We gotta get out of here!
(Edward Norton): Good!
Janelle and Edward run for the door, but an Anti-Gabenist Lt. Steel blocks the door.
(Lt. Steel): Where do you think you’re going, maggots!?
(Janelle Monae): Oh no, we’re trapped here!
(Bill Hader): How inconvenient. 
Cut to the Baumannatorium. 
(Baumann): Why did you kill Francis, Buamann!?
(Buamann): I didn’t kill anyone! 
Ferrick pops out of a manhole.
(Ferrick): It was probably Jeffrey Dahmer again.
(Baumann): Ferrick, do you just exist for being offensive?
(Ferrick): Women are genetically inferior.
(Baumann): I take that as a yes.
Baumann jumps on Ferrick’s manhole, forever closing it.
(Gwen): Wait, couldn’t we escape this place through that manhole?
(Baumann): …dammit.
(Buamann): Well that’s just great! How can you run a store if you can’t even think logically for a single second?
(Baumann): Because SHUT UP BUAMANN!
The lights turn off again. When they turn back on, Gwen is dead!
(Kevin): NO, NOT AGAIN! WHY DO THEY ALWAYS KILL THE THINGS I LOVE!?
(Baumann): That reminds me of a song!
(Buamann): It’s obvious that we have a killer in our midst. I say we split up and find him.
(Baumann): You DO realize that there’s only three people in this store, and you’re the only one with a criminal record?
(Buamann): Are you blaming me again? If you don’t like me, then just say so, Ignacius!
(Baumann): I DON’T LIKE YOU! NOW GET OUT OF MY—
The lights turn off again.
(Baumann): Dammit, not again.
Cut to Ben and Hobble arriving back at the Plumber Base. 
(Ben): Guys, guys! We found out what happened with Steve Harwell! John Kerry is actually an Anti-Gabenist working for Booker Bitchface! He turned Steve into an Anti-Gabenist with a serum! 
(Hobble): No need to thank me. It was easy to track down that information. The only problem was Ben, he almost blew our cover! Goes to show that you need Alpha Squads like me to handle these kinds of situations.
(Ben): …you are one miserable little runt, Hobble.
(Max): Good job, Hobble! You suck, Ben.
(Ben): Oh, COME ON!
(Max): Alright, time for one last mission.
(Ben): Can I please have a different partner this time?
(Max): How about Rook?
(Ben): U-uh, Hobble is fine!
(Max): Just take both.
(Ben): Gabe dammit.
(Max): Anyways, your last mission is to—
Max is interrupted by Professor Paradox, who suddenly appears from a time portal.
(Paradox): Tally-ho, everyone! 
(Max): Paradox, do you mind? I’m in the mission of mission briefing here.
(Paradox): I’m afraid I do mind, my dear Maxwell. I’m here to bring you dire and important news.
(Ben): Fine, but make it quick.
(Paradox): You must defeat Booker Bitchface!
(Ben): That’s literally what we were about do. 
(Paradox): You don’t understand! Booker Bitchface is—
Suddenly, a portal appears out of nowhere. A mechanical tentacle comes out of it, and reels Ben into the portal. As soon as he’s in, it closes.
(Max): What the Shrek just happened!?
(Paradox): Dammit! We have to find Tennyson before Booker Bitchface finishes him!
(Hobble): Thank Gabe that wasn’t me. If you guys lost me, the world would be doomed!
Max dropkicks Hobble in the face. 
Meanwhile, in Booker Bitchface’s secret lair, Ben is pulled into the room through the portal. The tentacle zips back into Booker’s butthole.
(Booker Bitchface): Thanks for dropping by, Tennyson. It’s time for us to finish this.
(Ben): Wanna finish this? Let’s finish this! I’m gonna stop your little Anti-Gabenist parade before you destroy America!
(Booker Bitchface): DESTROY America? I’m CLEANING America! Your filth has poisoned this country long enough!
(Ben): Why do you hate Gabenism so much? It’s been proven! It brings cheer and hope to people! Gabenism has never hurt anyone! What the Hell is your problem!?
(Booker Bitchface): YOU ARE!
Booker Bitchface turns into Atomix Grey Matter.
(Ben): Grey Matter? Wait, YOU were the one with the Trix!? You were that Way Bad!?
(Booker Atomix Grey Matter): Indeed! 
Booker takes the cover off of his Omnitrix to reveal the Anti-Gabenist symbol.
(Ben): My Gabe! …wait, how did you change the symbol?
(Booker Atomix Grey Matter): It doesn’t matter! All that matters is that I’m going to CRUSH YOU!
(Ben): No seriously, I wanna know!
(Booker Atomix Grey Matter): BE SILENT AND BE DEAD!
Booker shots a powerful ball of energy at Ben, but Paradox comes out of nowhere and takes the hit for Ben.
(Ben): PARADOX!
Paradox lies half dead and bleeding on the floor.
(Paradox): Ben… there’s something you must know…
(Ben): What? What is it?
(Booker Atomix Grey Matter): No! Don’t you dare tell him, old man!
(Paradox): It’s best I show you…
Paradox projects a hologram into the air with his time thingy. The hologram consumes the screen, and we enter a “flashback” to the very first scene where Ben gets baptized.
(FACM): SHOW SOME RESPECT, BOY! Let’s just baptize this little runt already. Little Boy, get me some tapwater.
Little Boy runs to the bathroom and gets some tapwater into a bottle. He runs back and hands FACM the bottle.
(Ben, in the present): Wait, I remember this. This is when I got baptized!
(Little Boy): We’re getting Baskin Robbins after this, right?
(FACM): Not now, Little Boy.
FACM is about to poor the tapwater over Ben, but he side-steps out of the way!
(FACM): What are you doing, you little ravioli!?
(Alternate Ben): I don’t wanna get baptized! This is stupid! This whole religion is STUPID!
Everyone in the church gasps.
(Ben, in the present): Wait, I don’t remember this! What is this, an alternate dimension or something?
Cut to Ben, 19 years old, sitting on the couch at home. His mom and dad come in.
(Ben’s Dad): Son, get out of this house. I don’t want an Anti-Gabenist as a son!
(Alternate Ben): You can’t just throw out because I don’t share your beliefs!
(Ben’s Mom): Just get out of here! GO! 
(Alternate Ben): Fine! Screw you guys!
Ben storms out of the house.
(Ben’s Mom): He was such a sweet child, so full of promise. Where did we go wrong, Carl?
(Ben’s Dad): I don’t know, Sandra. I… I don’t know.
Cut to Ben, 30 years old, at an Anti-Gabenist rally. He’s speaking on the podium.
(Alternate Ben): Gabenism is an epidemic! We must fight it!
Suddenly, a full fleet of SWAT shit comes in. Helicopters, trucks with soldiers, and the likes. 
(SWAT Agent): GET DOWN, GRENADE!
A SWAT agent throws a grenade onto the podium. Ben runs away from it, but he’s still caught in the blast. He falls onto the ground, his face on fire.
(Ben, in the present): Why are you showing me this, Paradox?
(Paradox, in the present): You’ll see, Ben.
Cut to Ben in the hospital. His face is covered in bandages. His doctor, Mufflinbum, takes them off, but because it’s in first person, we don’t see his face yet.
(Mufflinbum): It seems the skin transplant was a success. 
(Alternate Ben): Really? How do I look?
Mufflinbum hands him a mirror, revealing him to be…. BOOKER BITCHFACE!
Cut back to the present.
(Ben): W-what!? Booker Bitchface is an alternate me!? A BLACK ALTERNATE ME!?
Booker turns back.
(Booker Bitchface): So you now you know the truth. Unfortunately, this will be a secret you hold forever… TO YOUR GRAVE!
Booker Bitchface turns into Rath and charges at Ben. Ben turns into Cannonbolt and blocks his attack with his arm. Ben then turns into Eatle and picks up Booker Rath and throws him into a wall. Booker turns into Wildvine and reels Paradox over to him. Booker then turns into Snare-oh and holds Paradox by his neck.
(Booker Snare-oh): It would be wise to surrender, or else Paradox here will breathe his last breath!
(Ben Eatle): I’m not surrendering! Not now, not ever! 
(Booker Bitchface): Fine! Then the old man—
Suddenly, Professor Paradox is teleported out of Booker Snare-oh’s rope.
(Booker Bitchface): Wait, what the hell? 
Suddenly, Booker’s side of the room explodes and he turns back. It’s the Chimerian Stapler coming to the rescue! 
(Vilgax): THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR TRYING TO TAKE DOWN GABENISM!
(Psyphon): Damn dirty commie!
(Ben Eatle): Nice job, guys! 
Ben turns back.
(Ben): Now let’s get this guy back to his timeline, shall we?
Suddenly, Booker Bitchface gets up and stabs Ben with his laser sword!
(Vilgax): BEN!
Cut to the Baumannatorium. The lights turn back on again, and Kevin is murdered.
(Baumann): I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT WAS YOU, BUAMANN! 
(Buamann): Really? Was it really me?
(Baumann): You’re the only one here!
(Buamann): Are you sure?
The lights turn off and then back on again. Everyone has disappeared, including the corpses.
(Baumann): What? WHERE DID YOU GO, BUAMANN!? 
(Buamann): Right here.
Baumann looks over to where the voice came from. It came from his reflection in the dairy aisle.
(Baumann): …what’s going on here?
(Baumann’s Reflection): You know what’s going on here.
Baumann’s reflection morphs into Buamann.
(Baumann): H-how are you doing this? Make it stop!
(Buamann): Don’t you see what this is all about? None of this is real. I’m not really here. Kevin, Gwen, the dog, they were never murdered. They were never even here to begin with.
(Baumann): …w-what?
(Buamann): It’s all in your mind, old man.
(Baumann): Are you telling me I’m hallucinating? Man, I should retire FAST!
(Buamann): Don’t you get it!? You’re not SUPPOSED to retire! Everything that happened here was a manifestation of what your mind was going through! The guilt to retire drove you mad! Buamann was never just Buamann, he was a manifestation of your retirement guild! Kevin represented your love for the store!
Flashback to Kevin’s line “Gotta keep the store clean”.
(Buamann): Gwen represented your hatred for Ben Tennyson!
Flashback to Gwen’s “Ben just breaks everything” line.
(Buamann): Francis represented your anger!
Flashback to Buamann’s line “ Who’s mutt is this it’s angry” .
(Buamann): One by one, the retirement guild was “killing” the elements that represent your current life. You don’t want to retire, Baumann. You never wanted to.
(Baumann): …m-my Gabe. I get it now. I won’t retire, Buamann. I won’t retire!
(Buamann): Good. Now wake up. 
Cut to the Baumannatorium in reality. Baumann is lying on the floor, as concerned costumers watch over him.
(Baumann): ...what are you looking at?
Cut back to Booker Bitchface’s hideout. Ben falls to his knees. He grasps his giant stab wound in pain.
(Vilgax): YOU MANIAC! YOU’LL PAY FOR HURTING BEN!
Vilgax shoots a missile at Booker Bitchface, but he sidesteps out of the way. The missile flies into the wall, setting the whole place on fire. Booker Bitchface lifts Ben by the neck and holds his laser sword tightly in the other hand, ready to finish Ben off.
(Booker Bitchface): And now I become Death, the DESTROYER OF WORLDS!
Booker Bitchface thrusts his dagger into Ben’s chest, but Ben grabs his arm just before he can stab him again.
(Ben): Surprise, motherShreker.
Ben and Booker wrestle a bit before they fall out of the explosion-caused hole. As they fall through the sky, Ben grabs Booker’s laser sword, and finishes him off once and for all by stabbing him right through the chest. As the ground underneath approached, Vilgax teleports Ben onboard the Chimerian Stapler, while Booker’s corpse hits the ground.
(Ben): We did it, guys! We defeated Booker Bitchface!
(Vilgax): Awesome!
(Psyphon): But what about Steve Harwell and the kidnapped Gabenists? 
Gaben teleports in.
(Gaben): I’ll fix that.
(Ben): Gaben!
Gaben turns everything back to normal with his swaggy powers. The kidnapped Gabenists are back in their homes, and Steve Harwell’s Anti-Gabenist patch is replaced by an AMERICAN flag badge.
(Vilgax): Couldn’t you have done that earlier?
(Gaben): Probably.
(Ben): But wait, aren’t there still Anti-Gabenists out there?
(Gaben): I can’t know for sure who is and who isn’t an Anti-Gabenist. I suppose you’ll have to find that out yourself.
(Ben): But there’s still Anti-Gabenists in the police! And in Congress!
(Gaben): Why do you guys need me to fix every single little problem that you have? Why can’t you just fix it yourself?
Cut to the Plumber base. Ben, Max, Baumann, Hobble and Ferrick are watching Harangue Nation.
(Will Harangue): I’m happy to report Tom, that the Anti-Gabenist fad is finally over. President Harwell has re-instated Gabenism as America’s main religion, John Kerry has been arrested, and Gaben is being praised once again. In other news, a mysterious figure called the “Winter Soldier” is terrorizing the States! More at 11.
(Max): There’s still Anti-Gabenists out there. Whether on the street or in Congress, we need to take them all down before this happens again!
(Hobble): When do we start?
Ben puts on sunglasses
(Ben): You just did.
*NCIS YEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH*
THE END
Category:Scripts