Two Much Sauce/transcript

== Transcript ==
Episode Aired: July 16, 2011
Episode Copyrighted: 2011
This episode is rated TV-Y7.
Episode starts at Krusty Krab.
Mr. Krabs: *to Nat* And how is everything for you today, sir?
Nat Peterson: Oh, it's great! Just great!
Mr. Krabs: Fine, fine.
Nat Peterson: I just love this Krabby Patty!
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, okay, always nice to hear. *starts walking away*
Nat Peterson: My Krabby Patty is a Krabby Patty and both buns are also Krabby Patties!
Krabs suddenly stops walking, eyes widen.
Nat Peterson: So luxurious!
Mr. Krabs: *runs back, takes the patty from Nat, and looks at it*
As his pupils turn into dollar signs.
Mr. Krabs: You must've paid five times the price of a regular patty for that!
Nat Peterson: No extra. It's the same low price as a regular Krabby Patty.
Mr. Krabs: *pupil dollar signs rip* Argh! *faints*
Squidward Tentacles: *sprinkles salt on him*
Mr. Krabs: *screams* Me eyes! What are you doing, Mr. Squidward?!
Squidward Tentacles: *sprinkles more salt on him*
Mr. Krabs: *screams again*
Squidward Tentacles: I couldn't find a smelling salt, so I just used table salt.
Fred Rechid: Hey, my Krabby Patty is just a bun! And the two buns... are also buns. Stale buns.
Tom the Fish: *teary-eyed* My patty tastes like sadness.
Mr. Krabs: All right, that's enough. Patties with emotional flavors... *gets up, grunting* ...it's two bits extra. Now pay at the register. What in Davy Jones' locker is going on in here, Mr. Squidward?!
Squidward Tentacles: What do you think? SpongeBob's in one of his moods. He failed his boating exam… again.
Lola Loud: Leni has her drivers license. She failed her driving test.
Mr. Krabs: Well, we can't have that. He's me best employee. Well, no offense.
Squidward Tentacles: None taken.
Lola Loud: *sighs and walks away*
Mr. Krabs: Melancholy and self-doubt are bad for business. Make a note of it. *walks to the kitchen*
Squidward Tentacles: Let me grab a pencil. *to myself* Ha, it's funny, cause I mean the opposite. Ha.
There are patties, covered in condiments, smushed in the window. SpongeBob is sobbing, lying on the floor.
Mr. Krabs: *enters* Avast there, lad! *steps on SpongeBob's foot, causing him to stand up* You're wasting your valuable tears, salting me patties with grief.
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm sorry, Mr. Krabs. *sniffles* Oh, I can't even cry, right! *sobs*
Mr. Krabs: There, there. Failing your driver's test is nothing to cry over.
Leni Loud: *feels sad* Mr. Krabs, I failed my driving test.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, I've been in driving school as long as I can remember, and I still don't have my license!
Leni Loud: Yeah.
Lincoln Loud: Sorry, Mr. Krabs. I'm late.
Mr. Krabs: How much do they charge you at this driving school of yours?
SpongeBob SquarePants: *stops crying* Oh, about $100 a semester.
Mr. Krabs: $100 a semester?! *pupils again turn into dollar signs* Well, I can do it for double the price and half the time!
SpongeBob SquarePants: *happily* Really?
Mr. Krabs: Sure, I taught me own daughter Pearl how to drive like a little angel.
Pearl Krabs: *drives through the kitchen, moving the grill and the vat of grease from its spot, all while putting on makeup* Hi, Daddy! I need money for shoes.
Mr. Krabs: Sure, anything for me little angel Pearl. *gives Pearl money from my wallet*
Pearl Krabs: Thanks, Daddy! *drives out of the kitchen, then leaves a hole in the other wall*
Slide transition cuts to a School week, and Lincoln was packing his bag.
Lincoln Loud: *to the viewers* Monday, the start of a School week. *walks downstairs* I can kind of understand why everyone hates Mondays, but sometimes, it comes with it's perks. *walks outside* Thanks to my sisters, I don't have to walk to school everyday now. I got this new bike, so now I get to ride to school.
Lincoln is about to leave for school on his bike, when suddenly SpongeBob and Leni run outside.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Buddy, don't forget your helmet!
Leni Loud: You don't want your egg to crack like a head.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *to Leni* No, it's you don't want your head to crack like an egg.
Leni Loud: *realizes* Ohhh, that makes more sense. *hands Lincoln a bike helmet*
Lincoln Loud: Oh gosh! *takes the helmet* I almost forgot! Thanks for reminding me, guys!
Luna Loud: You also might want to be careful bro, we heard on the news that a big group of goons are randomly attacking kids in town.
Lincoln Loud: *shocked* What?! *shakes in fear* I don't want that to happen to me!
Leni Loud: We can walk with you to school if you want.
Lincoln Loud: Yes! Please! I don't want to get beaten up!
SpongeBob SquarePants and Leni Loud: *follows Lincoln to his school*
As he's about to go inside he waves goodbye to them.
Lincoln Loud: *to the viewers* You know, I gotta hand it to Leni and SpongeBob, they seem very protective of me. But when you've got an older sister and my best friend, sometimes you feel a lot more safe. *to SpongeBob* SpongeBob, we should see Mr. Krabs.
Slide transition cuts to SpongeBob, Lincoln and Mr. Krabs in a driving boat.
Lincoln Loud: Uh, are you sure about this, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: *laughs* Why, I couldn't be sure, lad. You don't need a... *air quotes* "professional" to teach you how to drive.
SpongeBob SquarePants: You know, Mr. Krabs, at boating school, Mrs. Puff…
Mr. Krabs: Wipe that boating school malarkey out of your mind, boys! It's all a racket.
Lincoln Loud: *gasps in shock* It is?
Mr. Krabs: *points to SpongeBob and Lincoln* And that goes for every kind of schooling. Why, there ain't nothing truly important, you can't learn on the streets with half a jigger of common sense and your own two claws. Now, put 'er in gear!
SpongeBob SquarePants: *gives a thumbs-up* Okay! *starts the boat, but then accidentally reverses it, destroying the Krusty Krab sign*
Mr. Krabs: *nervously chuckles* Well, rookie mistake, boy. It happens all the time.
SpongeBob SquarePants: It does?
Mr. Krabs: No, but you got the right fire in your belly.
SpongeBob SquarePants: I do?
Mr. Krabs: *chuckles* Yeah. Well, you know, what we need is a change of venue.
Slide transition cuts to the Mr. Krabs driving the boat in an empty parking lot.
Mr. Krabs: This empty parking lot is just the ticket. *parks the boat* Like every young person, the novice boater needs plenty of open, obstacle-free space and the freedom to make mistakes. 
He switches places with SpongeBob, making him the driver and Mr. Krabs the passenger.
Lincoln Loud: Mr. Krabs, you're so wise.
Mr. Krabs: *chuckles before putting his seatbelt on* Can't disagree with you there. All right, put 'er in gear!
SpongeBob again quickly reverses the boat, destroying the Krusty Krab entrance.
Mr. Krabs: Hmm.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Rookie mistake, right?
Mr. Krabs: I suppose so. Now slowly inch forward and we'll check out the damage.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Inch, inch. Inch, inch, inch. Inch, inch. *does so, but doesn't notice an anchor in the back, destroying the whole front of the Krusty Krab*
Mr. Krabs: *checks my mirrors* Oh, broken wall. That's about $15,000. Oh, kitchen fire. Oh, that'll be about 6 grand. *sees Squidward hitting a customer, Harold, with a spatula* Ooh, lawsuit? Oh, that's a lot of zeroes! Ugh.
His eyes deflate, but they quickly return back to normal.
Mr. Krabs: *thinks in my head* All right, Krabs. Get a hold of yourself. You've been in worse fixes than this. Why, you've stared down the cannon's mouth, haven't ya? Look at that face. *sees SpongeBob and Lincoln's smile* Bleah! Is this the face of your final defeat? Is it, Krabs? *sees SpongeBob and Lincoln's smile more creepy, while also heavily breathes*
Slide transition cuts to the boat parked on SpongeBob's house driveway.
Mr. Krabs: Now, here's a place you should be comfortable with.
Lincoln Loud: Oh, I'll say.
Mr. Krabs: Just take a look around, boy-os: home sweet home. Nothing to make you twitchy and jumpy. Oh, just the opposite, in fact. A place so soothing and sweet, like a mother's gentle lullaby on a soft summer's night. *sees SpongeBob and Lincoln asleep with covers and Beary the teddy bear before wakes them up with the horn* Oh, boys. Let's start with something simple: a little trip down the street to Patrick's house. *starts buckling my seatbelt*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick's house! *crashes into Patrick's house, flipping Mr. Krabs off the boat and makes a crash landing into the Krusty Krab*
Harv Rechid: *steps over Mr. Krabs* I'll have one Krabby Patty, please.
Squidward Tentacles: Okay.
Mr. Krabs: *to Squidward* Upsell!
Squidward Tentacles: *to Harv, sighs* Would you like fries with that?
Harv Rechid: Yeah, sounds good.
Mr. Krabs: *to Squidward* Better.
Slide transition cuts to the boat parked on SpongeBob's driveway.
Mr. Krabs: Okay, that was just fine, but next time, wait until I say, "Put 'er into gear." *opens the passenger door*
After he said "put 'er into gear."
SpongeBob SquarePants: *drives the car away from Mr. Krabs, causing the passenger door to come off the boat, then crashes into the Krusty Krab again*
The boat is on top of a destroyed table.
Squidward Tentacles: You missed one.
The engine of the boat falls off it and destroys a before unbroken table.
Slide transition cuts to the Loud House.
Lincoln Loud: *walks downstairs about to leave for school*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey buddy, it looks like it's about to rain, wanna take an umbrella?
Leni Loud: Or I can drive you to school instead!
Lincoln Loud: But guys, it's not even raining! Look! The clouds aren't even that low!
SpongeBob SquarePants: You never know bro, the weather changes all the time.
Leni Loud: *to SpongeBob* Wait, what am I supposed to say to help Lincoln avoid those goons? *quickly covers my mouth*
SpongeBob SquarePants: *facepalms* AW, BARNACLES!
Lincoln Loud: You guys, I'll be fine on my way to school, I'm sure I won't run into that bully again. *steps outside and is about to step on an unattended skateboard*
SpongeBob manages to kick the skateboard out of the way but accidentally trips Lincoln as he falls to the ground.
Leni Loud: *to Lincoln* Oops.
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm so sorry, Lincoln.
Lincoln Loud: *shakes in anger*
He tries to calm down.
Lincoln Loud: It's f-f-fine. I'm just gonna head to School now. *walks away*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Are you sure? We can walk with you.
Leni Loud: Don't forget your helmet! *tosses Lincoln his helmet*
As the helmet accidentally hits him in the head.
Lincoln Loud: Ow! *rubs my head* Leni! You didn't have to throw it!
Leni Loud: I can get you an ice pack for your head! *returns with a pack of ice*
As he places it on his head.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Leni you should try rubbing it. *grabs the ice pack*
Leni Loud: No, it's fine to just leave it on him! *grabs the ice pack*
Leni Loud and SpongeBob SquarePants: *grabs each side of the ice pack
As it explodes and the ice falls into Lincoln's pants. 
Lincoln Loud: *shrieks* Aah! (jumps around) Cold! Cold! Cold!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Sorry Lincoln.
Leni Loud: *slightly worried* Can we help you "chill" out Linky?
Lincoln Loud: *takes my pants off* No! Don't help! I'm gonna go and change my pants! *storms back inside the house, then comes back a minute later*
Leni Loud: *to Lincoln* I'm sorry for what happened.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Do you want us to do anything Lincoln?
Lincoln Loud: *gets angry* NO! JUST STOP! I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF! YOU GUYS ARE BEING WAY TOO OVERPROTECTIVE OF ME! EVEN WHEN IT'S OVER THE SMALLEST LITTLE THINGS! EVERYTIME YOU TRY TO HELP, IT ONLY ENDS UP GIVING ME MORE MISERY! SO JUST STOP!
Leni Loud: Well, I guess you're right. *looks down*
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm gonna go with Lincoln to see Mr. Krabs, Leni. Bye.
Leni Loud: Okay.
Slide transition to the boat parked on SpongeBob's driveway.
Mr. Krabs: *sighs* A simple trip to Patrick's house: a line so straight and true.
Lincoln Loud: Mr. Krabs, let's just leave the boat here and walk. My head hurts.
Mr. Krabs: Well, we, you know, we could do that. But you can't learn to drive without a boat. *gets an idea* Or can ye?
Slide transition cuts to Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob at the arcade.
Mr. Krabs: You'll certainly learn the way of the boat with this here top-of-the-line, state-of-the-art technological simulator.
Shot shows SpongeBob, Lincoln and Mr. Krabs standing in front of a driving arcade game.
Mr. Krabs: Now hand me one of them tokens.
Lincoln Loud: *takes out a token*
Mr. Krabs: *inserts it in the coin slot*
The game turns on.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *sits in the seat*
Mr. Krabs: You'll need your protective headgear. *puts a helmet with goggles on SpongeBob*
Computer on Screen: Ready? Drive!
The screen shows pixelated SpongeBob driving a boat to the Krusty Krab.
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm doing it, Mr. Krabs! I'm driving the boat!
The screen shows The Krusty Krab approaching SpongeBob.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Uh-oh. *brakes*
A crash is heard.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *puts up my goggles and sees that the arcade game has crashed into the top of the real-life Krusty Krab*
Computer on Screen: Sixth place!
The arcade game falls in the Krusty Krab.
Slide transition cuts to the boat parked on the road again. A worker goes down a ladder while fixing the broken Krusty Krab, when SpongeBob drives into the Krusty Krab sign, breaking it. The worker climbs back up the ladder. Slide transition cuts to SpongeBob driving the boat yet again.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey, look, Mr. Krabs. I'm driving!
Lincoln Loud: Go SpongeBob!
Mr. Krabs: Great job, boys. *gasps*
As the boat goes up a ramp and crashes into the Krusty Krab sign, which flips the boat into the Krusty Krab, destroying it yet again.
Slide transition cuts to the boat now going through a pipe on the roof of the Krusty Krab, then smashing its doors, while the worker hammers the roof.
Worker: Phew.
The boat crashes on the worker.
Slide transition cuts to the boat breaking a "One Way" sign as Mr. Krabs gasps, then screams with SpongeBob and Lincoln as SpongeBob drives the wrong way on the road, avoiding other boats and a gasoline truck. The boat then goes out of control for a few seconds before stopping on the road again.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Well, at least I didn't hit the Krusty Krab that time. *chuckles nervously*
Slide transition cuts to the other boats that were avoiding Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob and Lincoln crashing into the Krusty Krab, including the gasoline truck exploding the Krusty Krab with Squidward and Lola left standing. Slide transition cuts to the worker giving Mr. Krabs a bill until SpongeBob crashes into the Krusty Krab once more and the worker then increases the bill.
Mr. Krabs: Saw that coming.
Slide transition cuts to a sad SpongeBob and Lincoln.
Lincoln Loud: We're sorry, Mr. Krabs. The fire in SpongeBob's belly has gone...
SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah, we're sorry. *imitates explosion*
Mr. Krabs: *to SpongeBob and Lincoln* No, no. It's my fault. We've been going about this all wrong, boys. It's not a pampering you'd be needing. It's a bold and reckless display of confidence!
Lincoln Loud: Oh, yeah.
Mr. Krabs: You think when I was your age, I tip-toed around like a tadpole on a petunia?
Lincoln Loud: You never!
Mr. Krabs: That's right. My style was to dive in with both feet, claws snapping. *snaps my claws*
Lincoln Loud: *while snapping my fingers* Snapping!
Slide transition cuts to a busy highway with many signs around.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, my gosh.
Mr. Krabs: Thar she blows. The dreaded double roundabout, the most treacherous stretch of road in all of Bikini Bottom. To your starboard, you yield. To your port, they yield to you. And when you're in the middle, it's every man for himself and the devil take the rest!
Lincoln Loud: *shocked* Man, I don't think I'm ready for this, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: *hugs Lincoln* Nonsense, boy-o. All it takes is some confidence and a little coordination. Why, your little pet snail could do it. *puts Gary on the steering wheel*
Gary the Snail: Meow.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Uh, I thought you were just using Gary as a colorful example, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, he's colorful, all right. But he's also going to teach you how to drive. Now, go!
Gary drives on the roundabout successfully, watching a lot of signs, while Lincoln covers his eyes.
Mr. Krabs: Atta boy!
After a few seconds, Gary pulls over.
Mr. Krabs: There you go, Lincoln. Did you see how Gary did that?
Lincoln Loud: *opens my eyes* Uh, yeah, some of it.
Mr. Krabs: Buck up, me boy-o. *points to Lincoln* It's your turn next.
Lincoln Loud: *happily* My turn? Gee, Mr. Krabs, you must really believe in me.
While Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob and Lincoln get out of the boat.
Mr. Krabs: Not really.
A fish police motorcycle stops by the boat.
Fish Police Officer: Sir, is this your vehicle?
Mr. Krabs: Why, yes. Yes, officer, it is.
Fish Police Officer: And did I just see you let a snail negotiate this vehicle through a dangerous intersection?
Mr. Krabs: *chuckles* You sure did...uh, I mean, you didn't...I mean, well, no...I mean, well, yes...I mean, uh, look, it was just a friendly, little example: a colorful example. *pats SpongeBob and Lincoln* I was teaching the lad to drive.
Fish Police Officer: By putting a snail behind the wheel.
Mr. Krabs: Well, I mean, really, he has more on top of the wheel.
Gary the Snail: Meow.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Officer, I don't have the boating handbook with me, but…
Mr. Krabs: *interrupts SpongeBob* Quiet, boy! Let me handle this.
Fish Police Officer: Are you a licensed driving instructor, sir?
Mr. Krabs: *chuckles* Well, no. But I taught me own little girl to drive, you see, and you understand. Do you have any kiddies of your own at home, officer?
Fish Police Officer: *writes on a piece of paper* No, I'm married to my job.
Mr. Krabs: Oh. Well, um...you two seem very happy together.
Fish Police Officer: Well, we've had our ups and downs, but after some couples counseling, we think we've worked out our issues. *continues writing on the paper*
Mr. Krabs: *looks at a smiling SpongeBob and Lincoln* This ticket's coming out of your paycheck, boy.
SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: *happily* Whoa! Our first real traffic ticket.
Fish Police Officer: *to Mr. Krabs* Oh, this is going to require something more than money, sir.
Mr. Krabs: Ha! What could be worse than spending money? *looks at the written paper, then gasps*
Lincoln is walking out of school, the clouds begin to get darker and it starts to rain lightly outside.
Lincoln Loud: *growls* Dang it. *reaches into my bag* Shoot! Where's my umbrella?! *realizes the umbrella is at home*
He decides to continue biking home, he's halfway home when suddenly he gets pulled behind a tree by the goons as the school bully grabs Lincoln's bike.
Human School Bully: Well well, it's the twerp from yesterday, you got a nice bike.
Lincoln Loud: Hey! Back off!
The goons hold Lincoln to the ground.
Human Goon #1: Where do you think you're goin'?
Human School Bully: I'll keep this bike, but I'm missing something. *to Lincoln* Got any dough?
Lincoln Loud: No! But even if I would, I wouldn't give it to the likes of you!
Human School Bully: Well well, you don't have the dough, you'll just have to pay! *raises my fist*
As lightning strikes in the sky as he punches Lincoln in the stomach and the goons begin kicking him.
Lincoln Loud: *coughs* Help!
Human Goon #2: Aww, what's the matter, you gonna cry? *laughs*
The rain begins pouring more, and as the Goon is about to stomp on Lincoln's face, he suddenly jumps up and everyone notices he has a lot of ice in his pants, he ends up running off.
Human School Bully: Yo! Where are you going?!
The School Bully turns around and notices the other goons jumping around screaming as they have lots of ice in their pants and run off.
Human School Bully: What a bunch of wusses! *turns back to Lincoln*
When suddenly he gets hit in the stomach with a baseball bat, he kneels down to then look up as SpongeBob looks down holding the baseball bat.
Human School Bully: Boy, what's your problem?!
SpongeBob SquarePants: You messed with my best buddy and Leni's brother! Now Leni!
Leni Loud: *comes up behind the school bully and pours a lot of ice down his pants*
As the school bully jumps around, screaming with tears in his eyes, he then notices Leni holding a video camera recording him.
Leni Loud: Leave now! Or we'll show this to the police!
Human School Bully: *runs off and screams*
As SpongeBob and Leni go to Lincoln who is in some pain.
Lincoln Loud: *opens my eyes* Leni? SpongeBob?
Leni Loud: Linky! Are you okay?!
SpongeBob SquarePants: *pulls out an umbrella and uses it over Lincoln lying down*
Lincoln Loud: *voice breaks* No-! They were gonna-!
SpongeBob SquarePants: *hugs Lincoln* It's okay. We're here buddy. Let's get you home. *carries Lincoln*
Leni Loud: *brings his bike along*
They arrive home and put Lincoln down on the couch.
Leni Loud: *to Lincoln* Are you okay?
Lincoln Loud: I'm fine, Leni. I would've been dead if you guys didn't show up.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Well it was about to rain and we couldn't help but get you an umbrella on your way home, so when we noticed those goons, we had to do what Leni and I did.
Leni Loud: We got a bat, ice, and proof for the police. *shows Lincoln the video footage of the School Bully*
His goons beating him up.
Lincoln Loud: Thanks guys. *sighs* I'm really sorry about what I said before. I'm really glad you guys are always looking out for me, in a way that none of the other sisters would.
SpongeBob SquarePants: It's okay about how we were acting early, we'll try to turn it down.
Leni Loud: Besides, we were just worried you would get hurt by those hoodlum boys, that's what heroes do.
Lincoln Loud: *hugs them* You guys are the best.
SpongeBob SquarePants: We'll let you rest and relax.
Leni Loud: And we'll make sure we don't butt in on everything you do.
Slide transition cuts to Mrs. Puff's Boating School.
Mrs. Puff: All right, class. Please say hello to our newest classmate...Mr. Krabs!
Class Except SpongeBob, Lincoln and Leni: Hello, Mr. Krabs.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *whispers to Mr. Krabs* Don't worry, Mr. K. I'll show you the ropes.
Screen cuts in black and it says "THE END". Episode ends.
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