Hive Minds and Mind Hives

“Everyone on campus has been acting weird lately,” I complain to my friends Tom and Harry.
“How so?” Tom inquires, taking a big sip of his soda. We’re all sitting in the dining hall.
“Almost like… I don’t know. Like they’re all the same,” I reply.
It’s true. Everyone in the cafeteria is walking the same way, talking the same way, and emoting the same way. They’re eating the same foods. They’re even wearing the same type of hat!
“Maybe we’ve got an alien problem,” Tom jokes. “Maybe aliens are trying to take over the campus and induct us into their hive mind!”
I raise my eyebrows at him.
“Wait,” Tom says. “You don’t seriously think-”
“We must arm ourselves!” I declare, rising to my feet.
...
“Rich, you’re acting all kinds of weird,” Tom complains as I arm him and Harry with all the guns I can find. We all have pistols on either hip and rifles strapped across our backs. Shame that we only have two hands each.
“No, that’s the kick!” I retort, strapping another AK-47 across my back. “Everyone ELSE is acting weird! We have to find out whoever’s the queen of the hive mind and stop them!”
“Could be a king,” Harry points out. He’s the quiet type.
“Do aliens have genders?” Tom ponders.
“Never mind,” I retort. “Let’s just deal with this quickly so we can go back to smoking pot and jerking off.”
...
We all walk outside. Nobody pays any attention to us being armed to the teeth. They’re all too busy gathering in the square for a pep rally.
“See, Rich?” Harry insists. “It’s just homecoming week, is all. Everybody’s taking a little pride in their campus. You could stand to take some yourself.”
“Nonsense!” I retort. “There’s something skeevy going down around here, and I’m going to get to the bottom of it!”
Tom sighs and rubs his face.
“Hang on, everybody!” I shout over the buzz of the crowd. “I’ll save you guys even if it kills me!”
“Let’s hope it does,” Mason says, walking up to us. He’s new around here. “It would save us all a lot of trouble.”
“Mason!” I say. “Ever since you and your brother Henry came here, everyone’s been acting like zombies! What do you know about this?!”
Mason chuckles. “How could Henry be behind this? He’s up front leading the pep rally.”
Henry is standing next to a woodchipper. He holds up our university flag for everyone to see. “Listen up, everyone!” he cheers. “Forget your stupid Backupsmore University! You guys should all come to West Coast Tech!”
He throws our flag into the woodchipper. I wince. Everyone cheers in unison. I notice they’re still wearing their hats.
Mason sighs. “That brother of mine! Now if only someone would get rid of him.”
“Hang on!” I shout, marching up to Henry. I stick my finger in his face. “How dare you deface our proud university flag just to make West Coast Tech look good! Who do you think you are?”
Henry frowns at me and ignores my question. “I notice you’re not wearing your homecoming hat. Give me a hand, Mason!”
Mason comes towards us, dragging Tom and Henry along with him under either arm. Tom curses and tries to break free. “Let us go, Mason!”
“Of all the ways I expected to die, this was somewhere near the bottom of the list,” Henry says with dissonant serenity.
Henry grabs me by the neck and pulls out a hat. He puts it on my head, then skips over to Tom and Harry and gives them their hats too. For a second, a painful spark shoots down my spine.
Then it stops.
“What happened?” I ask.
Henry raises his eyebrows at me. “What’s wrong? Why isn’t the hive mind hat working?”
“Hive mind hats?” Tom asks.
“Is that how you’re controlling everyone?” Harry asks.
We all throw our hats into the woodchipper. Henry is livid. 
“What’s going on?! How are the hats not working?!” Henry demands.
I laugh. “Stupid West Coast Techie! Your hats only work on people with minds. The three of us are too stupid to be brainwashed!”
Henry lunges at me with his hands outstretched, as if he wants to tear me to pieces. I kick him away, but he accidentally lands in the woodchipper.
“AGGH!” he screams as he’s shredded to bits.
“Whoopsie. Sorry, Henry. Didn’t mean to do that,” I mutter with a wince.
Henry comes out the other end of the woodchipper in tiny, bite-size pieces. Pieces that start wriggling around like maggots. How is he still alive?!
Mason cackles. “Thank goodness you got rid of him! Now I can get all the credit for eliminating Backupsmore University! West Coast Tech will be so proud of me!”
He pulls out a little remote. “All I need to do is rewire his hive mind hats, and download everyone’s mind into mine! I’ll be a proud mind hive, and all of you will be forced to join West Coast Tech! We’ll win the homecoming football game in a cinch!”
“Is THAT why you two wanted to control everyone?” I ask. “Are you kidding me?”
Mason ignores me. He starts fiddling with the remote, but I lunge towards him. He grabs me by the neck and tosses me at the woodchipper. I manage to catch myself before I can fall in.
I aim one of my rifles at Mason before he can start the downloading process. He sees me and lunges forward, trying to shove me into the woodchipper before I can shoot him.
But before he can reach me, I dive out of the way.
The idiot falls into the woodchipper headfirst. He howls like his brother did before him and gets shredded into pieces. Oddly enough, his pieces are wiggling around too. Are they experimenting on humans at West Coast Tech? Making them more survivable? Is that why neither brother is dead?
Are they even humans at West Coast Tech?
Tom and Harry victoriously stomp on Henry and Mason’s remote. The hats stop working and everyone goes back to normal. They start muttering among themselves and inspecting their hats.
“Wait, what happened?” a girl asks.
“Why are we all standing out here?” a boy ponders.
“Why are we wearing these stupid hats?” a jock wonders.
“What happened to the university flag?” a nerd inquires.
“Where did the West Coast Tech guys go?” a goth implores.
“We did it, guys!” I say to Tom and Harry, pumping my arms in victory. “We beat West Coast Tech! Backupsmore University lives to see another day!”
“But so do Henry and Mason,” Tom replies. “Look!”
I look at the spot where Henry and Mason’s giblets landed. Sure enough, the brothers are gone. They must have crawled away when we weren’t looking.
“Oh, geez,” I say. “They could be anywhere by now!”
Category:Places
Category:Weird
Category:Beings
Category:MalumLibrum958