WBC Movie Night: Abunai Sisters (Johnsonverse)

The following is a transcript of the WBC Movie Night presentation of the 2009 anime series Abunai Sisters: Koko & Mika, as riffed by Detective Jenny Team A (Jenny, Makayla, and Terry). It was released on YouTube on September 23, 2018.
== Plot ==
=== WBC Movie Night ===
Jenny, Makayla, and Terry are given a DVD copy of Abunai Sisters by Louise; said copy has the entire soundtrack apart from the opening theme pitched up, making the characters "sound like Alvin and the Chipmunks". As the series goes on, the three are reduced to nervous wrecks who rarely even bother to come up with sarcastic quips in the last episodes and just have random conversations over them. After the series is finished, Jenny, Makayla, and Terry give the disc back to Louise, who proceeds to show it to an unreluctant pedophile/child molester as psychological torture.
=== Abunai Sisters ===
Two sisters, Koko and Mika (based on real-life celebrities Kyoko and Mika Kano) are sexy celebrities who battle an aging starlet named Madam Hokuroda and her otaku lackey, Paparazzi Matsumoto, for a powerful stone that gives them eternal beauty.
== Cast ==
=== WBC Movie Night ===
* Tara Strong as Jenny G. Denver
* Alanna Ubach as Makayla Gómez
* Hynden Walch as Terry Clampett-Jones
* Kristen Schaal as Louise Savage
=== Abunai Sisters ===
* Rachel Walzer as Koko
* Vicki Glass as Mika
* Leni Char as Madam Hokuroda
* Greg Dale as Paparazzi Matsumoto
==Transcript==
=== Host segment #1 ===
* Jenny: Hello, everybody, and welcome to WBC Movie Night. I'm Jenny, and these are Makayla and Terry.
* (Louise shows up on a monitor, carrying a DVD)
* Louise: HELLO, GALS!
* Jenny: Hey, Lou. What do you have here?
* Louise: Oh, you'll love this: Abunai Sisters: Koko and Mika. Featuring annoying voice acting, "sexy" designs from Susumu Matsushita, PS2-grade CGI, EVERYTHING! (laughs) Everything but a plot or jokes, that is. And get this: Production I.G. handled this crap!
* Jenny: Wait, that Production I.G.? Like, Ghost in the Shell, Attack on Titan?
* Louise: Yep!
* Makayla: And Susumu Matsushita, the manga artist?
* Louise: Hell yeah!
* Terry: Did they lose a bet or something?
* Louise: Oh, and apparently this is supposed to be based on a duo of celebs claiming to be sisters who were big in the Japanese Isles in 2008. Like, Kim Kardashian big. Only two episodes aired on TV, by the way. The rest were dumped onto the DVDs. Barely over 250 copies were sold. The soundtrack is pitched up on the DVD version, too! Meaning, they all sound like Alvin and the Chipmunks did the voices. One time, I showed this baby to a serial killer after forcing him to listen to that GODDAMN KARS 4 KIDS JINGLE and that SAPPY "I LOVE YOU" SONG from that STUPID BARNEY SHOW over and over, and get this, get this...
* Jenny: Let me guess, he blew his brains out.
* Louise: DING DING DING DING!!! GOOD ANSWER!!!! (laughs) 
*Makayla: Sheesh, it was that bad?
*Louise: Yep! Enjoy! (laughs)
* Makayla: Wait, isn't this WBC Movie Night, not, uh, WBC Anime Night?
* (Several alarm noises are heard)
* Jenny: We've got movie sign!
* (The camera zooms in through the doorway before stopping at the theater)
=== Case 1: Abunai Beach ===
*(The Abunai Sisters intro plays)
*Male singers: Abunai! Abunai!
*Terry: A new hit from the Zombies!
* Makayla: Look at that sheen!
* Jenny: And look! Plastic-y textures and everything!
* Makayla: How would they do against Sandy Cheeks?
* Jenny: Tasteful logo…
*(Cut to a beach scene with the title "Case 1: Abunai Beach"; the audio for the anime is pitched up outside of the opening)
* Terry: A lovingly-built house designed by the architects of the Taj Mahal.
* Koko: Oh, the beach is all set up for us!
* Makayla: Lou did warn us that our sexy heroines would sound like the Chipmunks.
* Jenny: So far it's a pretty good way of psychological torture. Wouldn't you say?
* Makayla: *simultaneously with Terry* Mhm.
*Terry: Oh yeah. *simultaneously with Makayla*
* Koko: A swimsuit? I could never wear one of those! A celebrity should be swimming in her birthday suit.
* Terry: I'm betting a nickel this is just one of the many, many sex jokes in here.
* Mika: Sure, let's go.
* Makayla: Go get stoned, all right.
*(The Abunai Sisters' alarm sounds, which is revealed to come from their breasts)
* Jenny: And it comes from their cans. Sure, this would totally give me a stiffy if I were a guy.
* Koko: Mika, it's the Abunai emergency alarm.
* Mika: Something Abunai must be happening nearby!
* Terry: Japanese for "dangerous". Pretty apt description of this show, I might add.
* Koko: Look! It's a shark!
*(Cut to the shark)
* Makayla: A minute in and this show jumps the shark already.
*(Cut back to Koko and Mika)
* Mika: It's so huge!
* Terry: "Yuge", girls, "yuge".
* Koko: Where did it go?
* Jenny: I dunno, back to the sea?
* Mika: That was strange.
*(The shark reappears, lunging at the camera)
* Makayla: Jumpscare!
*(Koko and Mika scream)
* Jenny: TBA
*(A gun comes out of the shark's mouth, shooting at Koko and Mika)
*(Koko and Mika run behind some rocks as the shark keeps shooting; Koko starts shooting at it)
* Jenny (in deep voice): Get off my beach!
* Terry: Seriously.
* Mika: Let me handle it.
* Koko: Mika!
* Makayla: Shoot less like a Stormtrooper then, if you're gonna handle it.
*(Mika goes to an umbrella and chairs and begins shaking a champagne bottle)
* Koko: You need to shake it harder!
* Jenny: And sound less like you're in a porno movie.
*(Cut to a closeup of Mika's breasts through a circle)
* Terry: So boobs do have minds of their own...
* Matsumoto: Oh, you're killing me. I've finally found you, Abunai Sisters. (laughs)
* Makayla: One insulting otaku caricature on the ready. Take that, target audience!
*(Cut back to Mika, who struggles with the champagne bottle)
* Koko: Go for his eyes!
* Terry: Go away.
*(Mika manages to pop the cork off)
* Jenny: Whoa!
*(The cork lands on the shark's left eye, shattering it)
* Jenny: That'll cost them five grand.
* Mika: Yeah! We did it!
*(Mika throws another bottle at the shark)
* Terry: Hopefully that shark wasn't harmed during production.
*(Koko grabs her gun and shoots the shark, making it blow up)
* Makayla: Kaboom. Where's Michael Bay when you need him?
* Jenny: (yawns) I want out now...
* Makayla: Relax, Jen, we still got, like, nine episodes left.
*Jenny: Are you feeling relaxed, Makayla?
*Makayla: I don't know...
* Koko: That was a lot of work!
* Mika: And we're supposed to be on vacation.
*(Cut to Matsumoto's point of view)
* Terry: Cue pervert.
*(Cut to Matsumoto on his phone)
* Jenny: Is he calling the IRS?
* Matsumoto: Hi. It's Matsumoto. I finally found them, the two sisters... (laughs)
*(Cut to a card saying "to be continued...")
* Jenny: Well, I can see why that serial killer Lou showed this to shot himself.
* Makayla: I can also see why Lou gave us this version instead of the one where the voices are normal.
=== Host segment #2 ===
=== Case 2: Abunai Shopping ===
*(Cut to a limo driving through a city with the title "Case 2: Abunai Shopping")
* Terry: Come on, it can't get any worse, right?
* Jenny: Oh, trust me, this thing already makes me want to go full-fledged psycho mode.
* Mika: Koko, I heard there's gonna be a lot of cute guys at the party next week.
* Makayla: Even though there's, like, four people we see in this show.
* Koko: ...myself a new dress! Let's go to my favorite shop.
* Mika: Oh, let's go to my favorite jewelry shop first.
* Terry: Better idea: let's go to the local black-market arms dealer. Great bargains!
* Mika: I want to do some jewelry first!
* Koko: Are you kidding? We have to match the jewelry to the dress!
* Makayla: Get ready to match the stars.
* Mika: Koko, if that's the case, then why don't we go to the lingerie shop first?
* Jenny: Into casual kink, I see.
* Koko: You're right. Let's go to the lingerie shop first, and choose the world's sexiest lingerie.
* Terry: * to the tune of the Menards jingle * Save big, big money when you shop lingerie!
* Matsumoto: I'm afraid not.
* Jenny: You did see his reflection through the mirror, right? I swear, you're almost as gullible as Kevin Thompson from Daria!
* Matsumoto: (laughs)
*(The wall opens, revealing Hokuroda pointing a gun at Koko and Mika)
* Hokuroda: You'll have to forget the lingerie!
* Makayla: Oh no! It's Discount Yubaba!
* Koko: You are the fallen celebrity, Madam Hokuroda!
* Makayla: That reminds me, why didn't they get the actual sisters to voice themselves?
* Jenny: Beats me. Pretty pathetic, if you ask me.
* Makayla: I reiterate: lost a bet.
* Hokuroda: Now you tell me where the Booby Stone is.
* Koko and Mika: The Booby Stone?
* Terry: Let me guess, that's why they have these outrageous cans.
*(Cut to the Booby Stone)
* Hokuroda (o/s): The Booby Stone is a mysterious gem. Once you possess the stone, it gives you the power of eternal youth and beauty!
* Makayla: So does the Fountain of Youth.
* Hokuroda: This stone is the only reason you two are celebrities!
* Jenny: Ah, so the celebs that you based the show on have to rely on some jewel to stay sexy and popular. Way to compliment them there, Production I.G.
* Terry: Also, I now know the very definition of the word "grating". Making them all sound like chipmunks makes the old lady's voice sound so... shrill!
* Koko: ...let's jump out of the car at the next corner.
* Mika: Okay.
* Hokuroda: I won't let you do that!
* Jenny: Look at me, my own lips are freaking out as I say something!
* Hokuroda: I'm giving you to the count of three. TELL ME WHERE THE STONE IS!
* Terry: Only thing worse than those voices would be Justin Bieber music.
* Jenny: You're giving me 'Nam flashbacks, Terry.
* Hokuroda: One...
*(Koko and Mika are struggling to get out)
* Hokuroda: Two...
* Jenny: Please, Hokuroda, shoot 'em!
* Hokuroda: Three!
*(Cut to the back of a truck)
* Makayla: Big Rigs, anyone?
* Jenny: Only if we go OVER 9,000!
*(Koko and Mika's breasts suddenly enlarge)
* Terry: I'll take "Deus Ex Machinas" for $200, Alex.
*(Hokuroda and Matsumoto are dazed and Koko and Mika's breasts shrink)
* Terry: And back they go.
* Mika: Thank goodness for our boobies.
* Jenny: If you have to have them say that to hammer it in how sexy they are, you get an F minus in fanservice.
*(The "to be continued..." card appears)
=== Host segment #3 ===
=== Case 3: Abunai Pest Control ===
*(Cut to the Abunai Sisters' mansion with the title "Case 3: Abunai Pest Control")
* Jenny: It's been about six minutes, and already it feels like six hours.
* Makayla: Tell me about it.
* Mika: A roach!
* Koko: Our biggest fear in the whole wide world.
* Terry (in Harrison Ford impression): Roaches. Why does it have to be roaches?
* Koko: Mika, would you be a dear and call the pest control, please? We'll have this mansion fully fumigated.
* Makayla: Squash 'im! You're secret agents with weapons, you've taken out a robot shark.
*(Ding-dong sound)
* Jenny: The witch is dead.
* Terry: How do they not recognize the pest control as their foes? I mean, come on, it's so obvious that it's them...
* Hokuroda and Matsumoto: Hello! We're the pest busters!
* Makayla: *chuckle* Who ya gonna call?
*Terry: and such a typical name, too...
* Koko: ...nasty thing, would you?
* Hokuroda: Oh.
* Makayla: Once again, you can take out that roach yourselves effortlessly.
* Matsumoto: If you don't mind, would you do please go outside for a while?
* Jenny: Not to be a grammar Nazi, but nobody I've heard says "you do please". Just sounds kinda awkward, ya know?
* Hokuroda: ...super strong insecticide!
* Matsumoto: This should get rid of all the bugs, both inside and out.
* Terry: Can't imagine any bug who comes across this spray would get a quick, painless death.
* Makayla: Think about it: you're a bug who's been sprayed. Your organs melt like ice cream on a hot summer day. Great setup for a horror movie if done to humans.
* Jenny (whispering): Shh... don't give our bosses any ideas.
* Matsumoto: We're finally inside!
* Hokuroda: Their Booby Stone must be somewhere here, inside this room!
* Terry: You'd think that the Abunai Sisters would suspect something is amiss by now.
* Hokuroda: Make sure you search ABSOLUTELY EVERYWHERE!
* Matsumoto: Yes, ma'am.
* Jenny: You were right, Terry, the old lady really does sound so shrill.
* Terry (imitating the French Narrator): One. Hour. Later.
* Makayla: Well? We're waiting.
* Mika: I wonder what's taking them so long?
*(The Abunai Emergency Alarm sounds)
* Jenny: Whoa! I almost spilled my pop!
* Koko: Mika, it's the Emergency Abunai Alarm.
* Terry: I thought it was the Abunai Emergency Alarm? Whatever.
*(Cut back to Hokuroda and Matsumoto looking for the Booby Stone)
* Makayla: Two little monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell down and cracked his head.
* Mika: Freeze!
* Koko: Put your hands in the air!
* Matsumoto: Yikes!
* Jenny: I'd really like a refill now.
* Makayla: So do I.
* Hokuroda: Drop your gun or I'll, I'll drink this entire bottle of super expensive champagne!
* Terry: You can just chuck it at them, right?
* (Koko drops her gun)
* Makayla: That's what Steven Seagal would do in situations like this.
* Hokuroda: Tell us where the BOOBY STONE IS!
*(Mika activates the bed, causing it to spin)
* Jenny: Come on up, take a ride on the merry-go-round! Only a buck!
* Mika: Hi-ye!
* Terry: I for one would not ride on that bed.
* Mika: Hah!
* Jenny: Why can't I come up with witty comments suddenly?
* Makayla: Come on, Jen. We've got, like, seven more to go.
* Jenny: Damn it, Lou... Now I know what it feels like to be one of your victims.
* Makayla: Think that's bad? At least we weren't forced to watch (shudders) Manos: The Hands of Fate. I mean, we gotta be lucky.
* Jenny: For your sake, I hope you're right.
* (Koko and Mika sigh)
* Mika: Koko, it's unbelievable how much you love champagne!
* Koko: Of course! I'm a celebrity, after all.
* Terry: I got an idea: when we're done, we're all getting champagne.
* (The "to be continued..." card appears)
* Jenny: Anything to wipe my mind off this.
=== Case 4: Abunai Bath Time ===
* (Cut to the Abunai Sisters' mansion with the title "Case 4: Abunai Bath Time")
* Terry: Is it gonna involve rubber duckies and singing about how fun they are?
*Jenny: God forbid.
* (Cut to Koko and Mika on their sofa; Koko is holding a book)
* Mika: Hey, Koko. What are you doing?
* Koko: I'm choosing today's bath boy.
* Mika: A bath boy?
* Jenny: Whew, for a minute I thought you said "bad boy".
* Koko: A good looking boy who helps me take a bath.
* Makayla: Whoa, whoa, whoa, woah, whoa. How idiotic do you gotta be to need help taking a bath above toddler age anyway?
* Jenny: We do it all the time, Mack.
* Makayla: Eh, good point.
* Mika: Have a nice bath!
* Terry (in mocking tone): I'm just gonna walk off and jack off to a photo of Kanye West in private!
* Makayla: I bet that's a fake gold flip phone.
* Koko: Hello. Is this the bath boy service?
* Jenny: Do we even know of any out there?
* Makayla: Probably in Florida.
* Koko: ...schedule boy number five, please.
* Terry: Wonder what happened with boys number one through four?
* (Cut to Matsumoto wearing his disguise)
* Jenny: Already I'd be tipped off by that plastic head and constantly frozen grinning face.
* Matsumoto: Thank you for choosing me. My name is... Handsome.
* Terry: Did his dad accidentally put that on his birth certificate instead of a real name?
* Koko: ...even better looking in person!
* Makayla: YOU FOOL! THAT'S A BURGER KING-QUALITY DISGUISE! AND YOU STILL THINK NOTHING'S FUCKING ABUNAI?!
* Jenny: Mack, calm down.
* Makayla: HOW CAN KOKO BE THIS IDIOTIC?! Sorry, I'm just so confounded. I mean, even a three-year-old child can tell it's a disguise.
* Terry: We've dealt with even stupider plot elements before.
* Makayla: Such as?
* Terry: ...okay, this is a grade-A idiot plot.
* Jenny: In any case, we oughta prepare for even more stupid.
* Matsumoto: Hello? 
* Makayla: BACKGROUND ALERT!
* Matsumoto: ...I'm inside. She's like pudding when it comes to good looking guys. Heh heh heh!
* Hokuroda (through phone): Eh, don't screw it up this time.
* Jenny: Frankly, this whole show's one big screw-up.
* Matsumoto: I'll find the Booby Stone for sure.
* Terry: Sure, Jan.
* Matsumoto: Let's see... where could it be?
* Makayla: I take it Koko likes taking her baths with clothes on?
=== Case 5: Abunai Make-up Time ===
=== Case 6: Abunai Changing Room ===
=== Case 7: Abunai Work Out ===
=== Case 8: Abunai Beach Volleyball ===
* 
=== Case 9: Abunai Dinner ===
*(Cut to the Abunai Sisters' mansion with the title "Case 9: Abunai Dinner")
* Terry: I'd rather have a poisoned dinner at this point.
*(TBA)
*Matsumoto: This meatball originated in China over 4,000 years ago.
*Makayla: They come from Italy, you idiot. Not China.
* Mika: Oh my God, it killed the fish!
* Terry: You bastards!
=== Case 10: Abunai Mansion ===
=== Ending host segment ===
*TBA
*Louise: I think I’m gonna show it to one of those child molesters or something.
*(the next three lines are said in unison)
*Jenny: (stoically) If you say so.
*Makayla: (with a slight hint of concern in her voice) Alright then.
*Terry: (confidently) Do it.
*Louise: Got it. See ya round, gals! *walks away*
*Makayla: *as Louise walks away* Bye, Lou. (to the others) Are they going to blow their brains out?
*Jenny: (in unison with Terry) I believe so…
*Terry: (in unison with Jenny) You bet they will.
*Makayla: …mmm, I feel uncomfortable; should we wrap up now?
*Jenny: (in unison with Terry; also feeling somewhat uncomfortable) Yeah, we should.
*Terry: (in unison with Jenny; not one bit uncomfortable) Alright. 
Category:Johnsonverse