Not-Joe: The Movie

Not-Joe: The Movie is a 2023 live action/animation hybrid film created by SpongeBob fanon writer, Not-Joe. It released in theaters on November 11th, at midnight. Genre: Comedy.
== Plot ==
The story of how a Polish man named Not-Joe saved the world of SpongeBob fanon. 
== Home Release ==
Link
== Transcript ==
The movie opens up on a 23 year old Polish man, Not-Joe, walking out of a prison in Seattle.
Officer: "Alright, you're free to go, Mr. Not-Joe. Just no more driving a motorcycle under the influence without a helmet on. You're supposed to always wear a helmet."
Not-Joe: "Yes sir, officer. I promise I'll never do it again."
Officer: "Oh and you almost forgot your can of Bud Light."
The officer tossed Not-Joe a can of Bud Light.
Not-Joe: "Oops. Thank you, sir. I don't know what I'd do without it."
The movie cuts forward in time to Not-Joe driving a red Mercedes on his way home, while blasting Eminem.
Not-Joe: "YEAH BITCH! I CAN RHYME ORANGE WITH BANANA!"
The movie cuts forward again, to Not-Joe sitting on his couch, watching cartoons on television.
Cartoon Hospital Patient: "What's the diagnosis, doctor?"
Cartoon Doctor: "Well, sir... You don't just have cancer, but you have aids."
Not-Joe: "BAHAHAHA!"
His TV started glitching and turned to static.
Not-Joe: "What the heck?"
Suddenly, Not-Joe appeared in a 2D animated cartoon world, inside a huge golden castle, and in front of him stood a blue humanoid wolf in a fancy suit.
Not-Joe: "Where am I? Who are you?"
Wolf: "My name is Ace. I have used my magic powers to send you into my cartoon dimension because I need your help."
Not-Joe: "To do what?"
Ace: "An evil king who opposes my ruling has issued a law to be passed in our village that would make writing SpongeBob fanfiction illegal. This, of course, would send our world into anarchic Hell."
Not-Joe: "I bet! That would be horrible! What can I do to help?"
Ace: "I had my administration sign a counter bill that would make all SpongeBob fanfictions become name dropped in the book of laws as an example of fair use. But someone stole the legal document for it. I have a map over here that shows three worlds where it could possibly be. I need you to look for it in each one."
Ace showed Not-Joe the map.
Not-Joe: "Wait. What is this location labeled death?"
Ace: "Uh… That's nothing! Gotta go!"
Ace shot a bolt of electricity out of his paw, at Not-Joe, teleporting him into a world in the sky!
Not-Joe passed out, and was sleeping in a giant field. Both the ground and the grass in the field were made of clouds.
"hello, sir?... hello?"
"AGHH!!!" Yelled Not-Joe as he woke up and quickly pulled a handgun out of his pocket and shot an English talking chicken that woke him up!
Not-Joe realized what he just did, and looked at the dead chicken.
Not-Joe: "Oopse, uh, I didn't know you were just a chicken. Sorry little guy. I'll just uh... Put this thing away."
He put the gun back in his pocket.
A bunch of big crows appeared, hovering in front of Not-Joe.
Not-Joe: "And who are you guys?"
Crow 1: "We're the Jas Breeze Gang. But not to be confused with the Jasbree gang. Which also isn't to be confused with the Jasbre gang." (Jaz-br-ay)
Crow 2: "We help people get to where they need to go. Give us your hand. We'll carry you off to a man that'll help you on your quest."
Not-Joe: "You aren't just gonna bite me as soon as I give you my hand, will you?"
Crow 3: "No, no. Of course not."
(Hesitantly) Not-Joe: "Okay…"
Not-Joe held his hand out to them, and one of them bit it.
Not-Joe: "OW! What the fuck dude?!"
The crows laughed.
Crow 3: "Sorry. We're just messing with you. We couldn't help it. But seriously this time. Give us your hand again. Trust us."
Not-Joe: "You little bastards better not do that again."
Not-Joe held his hand out, and the group of crows grabbed it, and started carrying Not-Joe in the sky.
They set him down on top of another cloud, where a dude in a SpongeBob parade costume greeted him.
Dude: "Hello, Not-Joe. I am Spongefan. I help people get to where they need to go."
Not-Joe: "You're not gonna bite my hand are you?"
Spongefan: "Hahaha! Nope! I wouldn't do something like that unless you wrote a bad fanon series."
Not-Joe: "Well, good thing I have a big ego and don't think I've ever written a bad one of those. By the way… Are you a Jew SBFW user?"
Spongefan: "A what??"
Not-Joe: "Nothing! Nothing…"
Spongefan held up a plate with a bunch of brownies on it.
Spongefan: "Eat one of these magic brownies, and you will be sent to the next world you must go to."
Not-Joe: "And what's in these brownies?"
Spongefan: "JUST EAT IT!!!"
Not-Joe: "OKAY, OKAY!"
Not-Joe ate one of the brownies, then suddenly everything became blurry, and bright, and colorful, and there was like a swirly line floating in front of him, as the Weird Al song "Eat It" started playing for just a few seconds.
Not-Joe then got teleported to a big field of actual grass in a world that looks more like Earth. In front of him was an ant.
Ant: "Welcome visitor, to the planet known as Hogarlain."
As the ant spoke, actual live captions appeared above the ground.
Not-Joe: "Oh look at that. A talking ant. Wait... Why does every word spoken here appear floating around after being said?"
A tall woman in a cloak appeared, guarding a cave in front of Not-Joe.
Woman: "Greetings. My name is Josephine. You are the hero known as NotJoe?"
Not-Joe: "Uh, yes, at least I think of myself as a hero... But it's Not-Joe. With a dash."
Josephine: "The document you seek is in the cave behind me. But first, you must give me the gold coin for me to let you move forward."
Not-Joe: "What? But I don't have a gold coin."
Josephine: "I'm sorry, NotJoe. But no coin, no entrance."
Not-Joe: "I already told you it's Not-Joe with a dash. Get it right or I will kill you."
Josephine: "NOT...JOE..."
Not-Joe: "FUCKING BITCH!!!"
Not-Joe went to take out his gun, but saw he was holding a banana.
Not-Joe: "Oops. That's not my gun. That's my banana. Wait, why do I even have a banana in my pocket?"
Josephine: "This is for calling me the b word!"
Josephine punched Not-Joe in the stomach so hard he died.
Not-Joe then appeared in a dark underground place filled with lots of fire.
Not-Joe: "Woah. Am I in Hell? This is crazier than the time I got stuck in an elevator with Boris Johnson."
"YES... YOU ARE..." Said Rob Zombie, who appeared sitting on a big throne made of bones.
Not-Joe: "OMG! It's Rob Zombie! Are you the king of Hell?"
Rob: "Yes, I am. And the document you are looking for is right behind me. But first, you must give me your soul. And then, you must complete a task. A TASK SO SOUL CRUSHING AND BLOOD BOILING AND EXTREMELY DANGEROUS AND FRIGHTENING AND-"
Rob blinked then suddenly Not-Joe was walking out from behind his chair, holding the legal document.
Not-Joe: "Alright, awesome. See ya."
Rob: "WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING?"
Not-Joe: "I'm shifting outta here, clown."
Not-Joe started meditating, then reality shifted out of Hell.
Rob: "How am I a literal demon and I still can't believe what just happened? Oh and I forgot to ask him if he likes my music. I bet he likes my album Hellbilly. Everyone likes Hellbilly. It's a classic."
(Bubble transition.)
Not-Joe teleported back to Ace's castle, and gave him the legal document.
Ace: "Great job, Not-Joe, with securing my world the right to make SpongeBob George Soros crossover fanfics!"
Not-Joe: "You're welcome, Ace. You know, after going on that wild trippy adventure, I think I have an idea for a SpongeBob fanon series you and I could start together. I'd call it SpongeBob Ultra SquarePants."
Ace: "I think you should probably shorten that."
Not-Joe: "Nah, dude. That title will definitely stick."
The movie cuts to the actual super real world in a room where SBFW user TheBoy is holding a large movie script, and talking to Josh, the actual real life version of Not-Joe.
TheBoy: "...And that's how the movie ends."
Josh: "I don't know, man. I don't vibe with this movie at all."
TheBoy: "What don't you like about it?"
Josh: "Well, first off, I yell at a woman in this. I would never yell at a woman. And what's that line about Spongefan being a Jew? I have nothing against Jews. I literally come from Jewish ancestry. This film is a terrible and unrealistic depiction of who I am as a person."
TheBoy: "Hmm... Okay... So, what if instead of yelling at a woman, I change the movie to have you loudly talk to a woman in passive aggressive anger?"
Josh: "No! I don't go around yelling at people. Look, I appreciate what you were trying to do here with turning me into a movie hero, but I don't want this film to be released."
TheBoy: "Okay, dude. I hear what you're saying. I'll just pull a Nickelodeon and cancel it."
Josh: "Thanks, man. See you later."
TheBoy: "Bye."
The End. 
== Trivia ==
* Scott Menville plays Not-Joe in the movie, and he got the role for his voice work as Robin in Teen Titans Go, "the most relatable animated character" in real Not-Joe's opinion.
Category:NotJoe
Category:2023 Films
Category:2023
Category:2023 Movies
Category:Movies
Category:Films