Hans Fessenden

a blonde wood elf, approximately human age 22 in Pixie Problem. His parents, Sylvan and Sonia Fessenden, own the Fessenden Hot Spring Resort. His parents are selling the house he grew up in, 519 Csupo Lane, Paraa, during the events of Pixie Problem because they are wealthy and are moving to Jishoap. He has a cushy job at the tourist kiosk at the Paraa train station in 49,593. He wishes he had more time to devote to his poetry. He gets his wish when the Oreades pixies / fairies go away, and by the year 49,594, he has realized that he can't survive on his poetry alone and no longer wants to write poetry. No one wants to buy his books. He is a failed poet. When the heroes restore pixies to the town and the profitability of the hot springs returns in One Year Later... , he goes back to staffing the tourist kiosk at the train station. 
In A Perfect Fit, his friends Basel and Gheona have children. Now the couch he used to crash on is in a house with small children in it, and he feels far less comfortable drunkenly appearing on his friends' doorstep. 
Status right before the events of Sons of Anarcrud: Artsy poet, rich parents, blond, elf. Grew up spoiled in a town where everyone worked for his parents. The parents sold his childhood home and moved away and he would drunkenly go pass out on the couch of the nice couple that moved into his childhood home. Supes sad. The nice couple recently (A Perfect Fit) had children, which would push Hans out of the picture. He’d feel awkward drunkenly passing out on their couch now that they’ve got children. Yikes. So he moved to Kihf Fasti to find his own way. For the lower cost of living and to try to make his own name for himself. There he met Ida and Clark. Hans was flattered because everyone in Paraa just saw him as a Fessenden, and the worst Fessenden actually, a failed poet mooching off his parents’ spa business. But upon meeting Ida and Clark, he finds people who don't think of him that way and instead like his poetry and like him as a person. He enters into a relationship with the two, with the intention of creating a family. Some time passes. Hans hasn't yet told his parents about his relationship because he's afraid of their judgement. Hans' parents come to visit him but, by stealing his moleskin journal and reading his poetry, they learn that he's excited about becoming a new father, which in their selfish minds is all about who the woman is and whether they should acknowledge Hans' child as their Fessendens heir. Tanager Goodfellow assures them, in the events of Sons of Anarcrud, that any chlid Hans acknowledges is indeed their grandchild and that they should be better parents to Hans. 
After the events of Sons of Anarcrud: Hans is raising children with Ida Smeaton and Clark McGillicutty. They all live at 97226 Rupanyup St. Epilogue: Ida’s children are a little boy elf-satyr, a little girl elf-satyr, a little boy orc-satyr, and a little full goat baby girl who is parthenogenically exactly like her mama. The children are all healthy little bundles of joy. Hans has finally found his calling. He loves the children, and is their primary caretaker as a stay at home father. Hans writes his children fun poetry. If you, listener, have never read Where the Sidewalk Ends or A Light in the Attic or Falling Up, books by Shel Silverstein, to your children, check them out. Kids love the fun poems. Hans finally finds meaning in his life, publishing books of children’s poems. His poetry brings joy to children all across the country of Guaso. As for the others. Clark, an orc chef you may remember from the episode Missives From A Corpse, was looking for a place to call home. A family that actually loved one another. People who genuinely cared about one another. The energy and laughter of a few small children, running full speed, playing and having fun. Now this, is a home to come home to, thought Clark. The family, albeit a bit unusual in its structure, of Ida the rich mine owner, Clark the private chef, and Hans the poet, raise their children happily for many years to come. The End. 
Adventures: 
Pixie Problem
One Year Later...
Sons of Anarcud
Some of his poems: 
Pixie Problem: 
Jane
It was supposed to be true love
eyes, faces turned to heaven
was there no trust?
we had a love so pure.
But our kiss was just a fever dream
forever meant only a flash
and always meant only a moment
our soul is no more.
Thunder and lightning
loud rumbling of tourist crowd
terrible, awful
One Year Later: 
So runnst thou after that which flies from thee,
I will not praise that purpose not to sell.
And made my self a motley to the view,
Anon permit the basest clouds to ride
Lifts up his burning head, each under eye
And I by this will be a gainer too;
For I am shamed by that which I bring forth,
The humble as the proudest sail doth bear,
I hate she altered with an end,
Or made them swear against the thing they see
Category:Characters