Comic Book Kings

Comic Book Kings is CartoonGuy's Spin-Off Kings' Spin-Off Because Yes' fifth episode. It aired on January 5 2021, was written by CartoonGuy277, and its theme was reality TV.
== Transcript == 
[The episode starts inside of a comic book store, where Bubble Bass is]
Bubble Bass: Hello, audience. This is my comic book store, where I sell all sorts of comic books. [picks up a Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy comic book] These comic books are SACRED! If a comic book isn’t sacred, I don’t sell it. I thought I would share some of my advanced knowledge to you simpletons who watch reality shows, by making one myself. Welcome to Comic Book Kings, the show where contestants make comic books, and they are judged by the expert: me. The winner of the show will have their winning comic book SOLD BY ME IN THIS STORE!
[Cut to the same comic book store, where Bubble Bass is surrounded by eleven people: SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward, Mr. Krabs, Plankton, Sandy, Gary, Hoopla, Fred, Nat Peterson, and Zoltan]
Bubble Bass: Meet these peasants, the contestants. Let’s start off with SpongeBob SquarePants; sir, what inspired you to compete in this show?
SpongeBob: Well, I wanted to have fun!
Bubble Bass: Fun, you say? And tell me, is part of that fun putting pickles under my tongue while I am sleeping, along with someone’s car keys, to hide the fact that you forgot a Krabby Patty’s PICKLES?
SpongeBob: That is fal-
Bubble Bass: Patrick Star, what do you have to say?
Patrick: Uuuh I just came here because SpongeBob did. Is there any food here?
Bubble Bass: Oh yes there is, of course. [gets a plate of turkey] A good old turkey! [rips out a turkey wing and gives it to Patrick, then proceeds to eat the rest of the turkey in one bite] Aaaah, delicious, isn’t it?
Patrick: If I could murder you right now and get away with it, I would gladly do it and then proceed to dance on your dead body. [angrily eats the turkey wing]
Bubble Bass: I’ve got hundreds of emails saying the same thing. Speaking of hateful emails, time to introduce one contestant who must have gotten thousands of them, Squidward Tentacles!
Squidward: Hello.
Bubble Bass: Squidward...what are you doing here? You dislike comic books, and, aren’t you too busy playing your clarinet to be in this show anyways?
Squidward: Oh please, I can play my clarinet here as well. [takes out his clarinet, and starts playing it badly]
Bubble Bass: [takes the clarinet] WE’VE HEARD ENOUGH!
Squidward: Give that back! [gets the clarinet back] I’m only participating in this competition to show people what true art is.
Bubble Bass: Sure, true art. Let’s go over to Eugene Krabs! Sir, what inspired you to be a contestant?
Mr. Krabs: I want to make people understand that Captain Tightwad is misunderstood…….also, I want to make more people go to the Krusty Krab! Remember, a Krabby Patty a day adds more money to me safe!
Plankton: Oh, shut your mouth, Krabs!
Bubble Bass: Sheldon Plankton, why did you join the competition?
Plankton: To beat Krabs, by promoting the Chum Bucket massively!
Mr. Krabs: In your dreams, pipsqueak!
Bubble Bass: Let’s go over to Sandy Cheeks now! Tell us, Sandy, what made YOU join?
Sandy: I wanted to have some fun! Why, after finding a cure to the suds, I really needed a good ol’ break!
Bubble Bass: Oh, you’ll get a good ol’ break alright. Next up, Gary!
Gary: Meow.
Bubble Bass: Touching. Hoopla?
Hoopla: HOOPLA!
Bubble Bass: Also tou-
Hoopla: I have been scarred severely by the horrors of war. HOOPLA!
Bubble Bass: Uh, yes. Next up we have…..Fred Rechid!
Fred: Hello Bubble Bass! Hello people! I joined this competition because, well, there really aren’t any ways you could hurt YOUR LEG in a comic book store, right? [a comic book falls from the sky on his leg] Ha, that doesn’t hurt! [an anvil falls on his leg] MY LEG!
Bubble Bass: Ugh, we get the point, CartoonGuy277. And now, Nat Peterson! Why did you join this competition, sir?
Nat Peterson: Plankton paid me to join and also promote the Chum Bucket!
Plankton: NAT! YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT!
Nat Peterson: I wasn’t?
Mr. Krabs: Hahahaha! Oh Sheldon, the things you’ll do to beat the number one.
Bubble Bass: And now, the last contestant….Zoltan!
Zoltan: Say hello to God people. [gets out a flamethrower]
Bubble Bass: ZOLTAN! Just what do you think you are doing?
Zoltan: This is my ass beach I can do whatever I want!
Bubble Bass: This is MY ass! Settle down, and let’s start this competition once and for all! 
[Epic music plays]
Bubble Bass: So, here’s how this works: I will give you a theme, and you must make a comic book with that theme!
Patrick: I don’t get it.
Bubble Bass: Ugh…..um, say I choose western as your first theme, you would have to make a western comic book! Understand?
Patrick: What’s under the stand?
Bubble Bass: I’ll take that as a yes! And it just so happens that your first theme is, in fact, western!
Sandy: Western? Oh jolly day, I love myself a good ol’ western! 
SpongeBob: Hey, one of my ancestors was a sheriff!
Patrick: One of my ancestors was friends with yours! Uh, I think. I need to rewatch season five.
Gary: Meow.
Zoltan: Oh I’ll write the greatest western the world has ever seen…..
Bubble Bass: You people have 72 hours to make your comic books…...begin!
[Cut to everyone sitting at different tables making their comic books]
Sandy: I have a lil’ feeling Bubble Bass is gonna like this!
Squidward: Oh, he’ll like mine as well….
[Close-up of Squidward’s comic book, which is blank]
Squidward: Ugh, western, seriously? How am I supposed to make a western comic book? Do western comic books even exist?
SpongeBob: [appears next to him] Oh they exist!
Squidward: AAARGH! SpongeBob, shouldn’t you be at YOUR table?
SpongeBob: The seventieth Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy comic book has them taking part in a traditional western story!
Squidward: Huh…..you wouldn’t know if it’s in this store, would you?
SpongeBob: Oh of course it is! All 734 Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy comic books are sold here!
Squidward: Oh, I see…...well, Bubble Bass didn’t say we couldn’t be inspired by other comic books, now did he?
SpongeBob: No he did not.
Squidward: Good good…...why don’t you just…...go back to your table?
SpongeBob: Ok! [goes back to his table]
Patrick: And they all lived happily ever after, the end! I’M FINISHED!
Fred: Already?
Nat Peterson: I’m also finished.
Plankton: Well I don’t expect you to put in a lot of effort, Mr. “Plankton paid me”.
Mr. Krabs: Do not disrespect him, Sheldon! He’s a great lad!
[Cut to Patrick and Nat Peterson going to Bubble Bass]
Bubble Bass: Finished already?
Patrick and Nat Peterson: Yep! [give the comic books to Bubble Bass]
[Close-up of the comic books show that Patrick’s is named “Keith the Flying Train” and Nat’s is named “Western”]
[Cut back to the contestants at the tables]
Zoltan: Wow that is Gary from SpongeBob.
Gary: Meow?
Zoltan: Wow. Since he is a snail at the end he’ll probably win because CartoonGuy thinks that’s funny haha. Anyways, back to the story of Sheriff Zoltan against SpongeBot678!
Hoopla: And so, the rapscallion George was left in HOOPAIN! HAHAHAHAHOOPLA! Aaah, this is genius.
[We see a small montage of everyone left giving their comic books to Bubble Bass, with the only ones not present in the montage being Sandy, Gary, and Zoltan]
Bubble Bass: [goes to where the tables are] Sandy, Gary, Zoltan, you have six hours left.
Zoltan: FINISHED MY MASTERPIECE! [throws his comic book at Bubble Bass’ face, which allows us to see it’s titled “SpongeBot678 is Ungood Bad and Ugly”]
Bubble Bass: ZOLTAN! [picks up the comic book] Sandy, Gary, finish soon. [he goes to where he was before]
French Narrator: Four hours later…
[Bubble Bass is in the tables room]
Bubble Bass: Two hours left!
Gary: MEOW! [picks his comic book up with his mouth, and spits it on Bubble Bass’ face, which allows us to see it’s titled “Sheriff Gary”]
Bubble Bass: Bleh! [picks up the comic book] Sandy Cheeks, you are the only one left to submit!
Sandy: I know Bubble Bass, I’m just making sure this ends up perfect!
Bubble Bass: Oh sure, no pressure. [goes to where he was before, and changes the building’s temperature to 37 degrees Celsius] What? CartoonGuy doesn’t speak Fahrenheit!
Sandy: [starts sweating] AAAAARGH, I’M FINISHED! [throws the comic book at Bubble Bass, who picks it up this time]
Bubble Bass: Thank you.
French Narrator: Later…
[Bubble Bass and the contestants are all together in the store]
Bubble Bass: Greetings, contestants. Here’s how this will work: I will announce the top 3 in no particular order, then in no particular order the contestants from fourth to eight place, and then I will announce the bottom three, and who is……..eliminated.
SpongeBob: *gasp*
Patrick: GASP!
Zoltan: Gasp.
Bubble Bass: So, here’s the top three, in no particular order: Patrick!
Patrick: HOORAY!
Squidward: How?
Zoltan: Haha the dumb is top three.
Bubble Bass: I never knew a flying train could be such a great sheriff! Anyways, next, Gary!
Gary: MEOW!
Zoltan: Haha the snail is top three.
Bubble Bass: And……..Sandy!
Sandy: YEEHAW!
Squidward: WHAT?! HOW AM I NOT IN THE TOP THREE?!
Bubble Bass: The next people are not in the top or bottom three, and they are, in no particular order: SpongeBob, Plankton, Hoopla, Mr. Krabs, aaaand Fred!
Squidward and Zoltan: WHAT?!
Nat Peterson: Why are you guys yelling?
Bubble Bass: The bottom three……..Zoltan, you just wrote about you hurting a certain SpongeBot678 in a couple of ways and that’s it.
Zoltan: Which is why I should win!
Bubble Bass: Nat Peterson, your comic book was extremely lazy!
Nat Peterson: Uh?
Bubble Bass: HOWEVER, Squidward is getting eliminated for plagiarising a Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy comic book!
Squidward: WHAT?! I-I-HOW DID YOU FIND OUT?!
Bubble Bass: Did you seriously think I wouldn’t find out?
Squidward: I THOUGHT YOU WERE TOO STUPID TO REMEMBER AN OLD COMIC BOOK!
SpongeBob: Wait…...are you saying I’m smart?
Squidward: What? No, I didn’t mean-
SpongeBob: Oh, Squidward! [hugs Squidward] I’ll miss you, buddy!
Bubble Bass: Oh, by the way, Mr. Tennis balls, you are suspended for one season!
Squidward: As if I care! [shoves SpongeBob away] Goodbye! [goes out of the store]
Zoltan: Loser!
Bubble Bass: Well, this round will have two winners, that being: Sandy and Patrick! And the thing is…..this round is going to be a TEAM ROUND! There’ll be two teams of five, chosen by Sandy and Patrick, schoolyard style. Sandy, since your comic book was the best one, you go first.
Patrick: WHAT.
Sandy: I pick….Gary!
Patrick: Oh yeah? Well I pick SpongeBob!
Sandy: I pick Mr. Krabs!
Patrick: I pick, uh, HOOPLA!
Sandy: I pick Fred!
Patrick: I, UH, AARGH, NAT PETERSON, COME HERE!
Sandy: And last and least, I pick Plankton!
Plankton: LEAST?!
Patrick: Zoltan, come here, you!
Zoltan: About time someone picked me! Whatever we’re gonna lose anyways. Hey fat Pat will you leave our team?
Patrick: Uh? No!
Zoltan: CartoonGuy I thought this was supposed to be a carefully organised parody!
Bubble Bass: Yeah ok so, anyways, your team is COMMENTARY ON AN EXISTING COMIC BOOK SERIES! You have 72 hours to write an episode together.
Sandy: Alright, let’s do this! What are we doing a commentary on?
Mr. Krabs: The Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy comics! We could show the world that Captain Tightwad is misunderstood!
Plankton: Or we could show the world that he is the worst person ever!
Mr. Krabs: YOU’RE JUST SAYING THAT BECAUSE YOU HATE ME!
Plankton: MAYBE I AM!
Mr. Krabs: [throws Plankton at Fred’s leg]
Fred: MY LEG!
Gary: MEOW!
Sandy: CALM DOWN, GUYS! I’m sure we can find a compromise!
Mr. Krabs and Plankton: NO WE CAN’T!
Gary: Alright bitches, listen up!
Sandy, Mr. Krabs, Fred, and Plankton: HUH?!
Gary: We’re gonna do a deep commentary on what made Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy such a successful comic book series! We’re gonna ask the deep questions! Has it gotten stale? Is it better than ever? Has nothing changed? We’ll tackle all of that!
Plankton: Lame!
Gary: Shut the fuck up you minuscule buffoon. You will all do as I say! Time for analysing.
[Cut to the other team]
Patrick: Okay, so…...what’s a commentary?
SpongeBob: I think it’s saying something important about something.
Hoopla: IMPORTANCE! HOOPORTANCE! HAHAHAHAHAHOOPLA! We need to decide on a comic book series.
Zoltan: Think about a comic book series!
SpongeBob: What about Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy?
Patrick: Sounds…...AWESOME!
Hoopla: We should read their comic books for inspiration!
SpongeBob: Hey, we can’t plagiarise!
Hoopla: What?
SpongeBob: Oh, you’re not being Squidward.
Nat Peterson: Imma go to the bathroom real quick. [goes to the bathroom]
SpongeBob: Well, it’s reading time!
[A montage of them reading plays, which ends with them sleeping on the floor surrounded by comic books. Bubble Bass walks up to them with a megaphone]
Bubble Bass: (megaphone): WAKE UP!
[They wake up]
SpongeBob: What the-
Bubble Bass: TWO MINUTES LEFT!
SpongeBob: WHAT?M
Bubble Bass: The other team already submitted their comic book!
Patrick: OH MY NEPTUNE! [he makes a comic book quickly, which is just poorly drawn Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy saying “something important about something”] DONE! [he gives the comic book to Bubble Bass]
Bubble Bass: Huh…..[opens the comic book].......Sandy’s team wins. 
Patrick, SpongeBob, Hoopla, and Zoltan: NOOOOOO!
Sandy, Mr. Krabs, Fred, and Plankton: YES!
Gary: GARY’S TEAM! I WAS THE TRUE LEADER!
SpongeBob: GARY! YOU CAN TALK?!
Gary: Meow?
Bubble Bass: Well, Sandy’s team will have a 24 hour-long break! As for Patrick’s team, you five losers will participate in a death round, in which each one of you will have 24 hours to make a comic book with the theme……..THRILLER! Wait a second…….[looks around].......where’s Nat?
SpongeBob: He went to the bathroom three days ago and never came back.
Bubble Bass: Well, who cares about him. Now, START!
SpongeBob: Okay, thriller, so, tense, creepy, horror! Let’s see, what’s scary….
Zoltan: Squidward’s nose ha.
SpongeBob: NO LISTENING TO ME TALKING TO MYSELF! Squidward’s nose isn’t scary! Wait, Squidward…..I’VE GOT IT! [SpongeBob draws a thumbnail for the comic book, and the screen zooms on it, showing that the comic book is titled “The Hash-Slinging Slasher”]
Patrick: Something scary…….mom always said my toenails were scary. They made her scream! What makes me scream? AAAAAAARGH! The Fisherman franchise! This means……..THE FISHERMAN 5: UH…...ATTACK OF THE….THRILLER!
Zoltan: Thriller means Michael Jackson but Michael Jackson horror means scary! What about Michael Jackson is scary….I will make him kill people! Yes!
Hoopla: Man, too tired to do anything. Well, Nat is gone, so……[he grabs a comic book and scribbles on its thumbnail] DONE! [gives his comic book to Bubble Bass]
Bubble Bass: YOU FINISHED ALRE-Oh, nevermind. [a bloody comic book gets thrown at his face] AAAAARGH!
Zoltan: That’s mine I finished.
Bubble Bass: [picks the comic book up] WHY IS THERE BLOOD ON IT?!
Zoltan: Realistic purposes.
Bubble Bass: I see.
French Narrator: 22 hours later…
Bubble Bass: Two hours left!
SpongeBob: Done!
French Narrator: One hour and 59 minutes later…
Bubble Bass: Pat-
Patrick: FINISHED! [jumps on top of Bubble Bass and puts his comic book in his mouth]
Bubble Bass: [shoves Patrick away and spits out the comic book] Thank you. TIME’S UP! 
French Narrator: One reading session later…
Bubble Bass: The winner of this death round is…….SPONGEBOB!
SpongeBob: YES!
Bubble Bass: Coming at second, Patrick, then Zoltan, although I wonder who’s Michael Jackson…..
Zoltan: Dumb fish.
Bubble Bass: And even though he put zero effort into it, Hoopla comes fourth as Nat Peterson did not submit anything.
Hoopla: HOOPLA!
Nat Peterson: [comes out of the bathroom, wet] I’M BACK, PEOPLE! I will never do drugs again.
Bubble Bass: You’re eliminated.
Nat Peterson: Fuck. [goes back into the bathroom]
[Cut to Bubble Bass surrounded by all the remaining contestants]
Bubble Bass: Hello everyone. Your next theme is quite a jolly one, a quite fitting one for the Christmas season: CHRISTMAS THEME! You have 72 hours to make your comic book, blah blah blah.
SpongeBob: I know what to do! I’ll turn Bikini Bottom’s first Christmas into a comic book! 
Patrick: I know what to do! I’ll turn Bikini Bottom’s first Christmas into a comic book!
Mr. Krabs: I know what to do! I’ll turn Bikini Bottom’s first Christmas into a comic book!
Sandy: I know what to do! I’ll turn Bikini Bottom’s first Christmas into a comic book!
Gary: Meow meow meow meow meow! Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow!
Plankton: I’ll make a story about the heroic Sheldon J. Plankton saving Christmas!
Fred: I’ll make a story about my dream: a Christmas without hurting MY LEG!
Hoopla: I’ll make a song about the horny Grinch! HOOPLA!
Zoltan: CartoonGuy wants me to quit but I won’t! Wait…...CartoonGuy is writing this, so he decides what I’m saying! Wait, so he also made me say what I just said, and what I’m saying now, and what I’m saying now, and what I’m saying NOW, AND WHAT I’M SAYING NOW! But, I also know CartoonGuy in real life in person like I know him I’ve talked to him…..SO HOW CAN HE WRITE ME?! And he’s writing this existential crisis, he’s making my mind explode I don’t have feelings I don’t mean what I say I’m just being written but I know I’m a real person who knows CartoonGuy so-[he falls on the floor, dead]
SpongeBob: AAAARGH! ZOLTAN’S DEAD!
Bubble Bass: Ugh, come on! This was supposed to be a non-elimination round! Well, write anyways! I’ll just put Zoltan with the other dead bodies outside. [he throws Zoltan out of the window]
French Narrator: Three days later…
Bubble Bass: Okay, so here are the results: YOU ALL SUCKED! I SHOULD NEVER HAVE TOLD YOU THIS WAS NON-ELIMINATION! That being said, Gary won. Since I am required by law to do so, you people will have two days without having to write: Christmas Eve and Christmas! Happy holidays, blah blah blah. Ugh.
SpongeBob: HOORAY! Isn’t this great, Patrick? Two days without having to worry about anything!
Patrick: It is great indeed.
Mr. Krabs: Lads and lasses, I know how to celebrate Christmas well! Back in me old navy days, I celebrated Christmas with all me navy mates! It was a drunken shitshow, which is exactly how Christmas should be…...SO I’M BRINGING GOOFY GOOBERS HERE FOR ALL OR US ON CHRISTMAS EVE!
Everyone else: YAY!
Mr. Krabs: AND I’LL CHARGE YOU FOR IT!
Everyone else except SpongeBob: BOOOOOO!
SpongeBob: YAY!
French Narrator: On Christmas Eve night…
[Everyone is drunk in the comic book store]
SpongeBob: WOOHOO! [eats more ice cream] YEAH!
Patrick: [is dancing on his underwear]
Fred: GO PATRICK! GO PATRICK!
Patrick: I’M BEAUTIFUL! [he steps on Fred’s leg]
Fred: MY LEG!
Bubble Bass: [falls from the roof, crushing Fred and Patrick with his butt]
Hoopla: HAHAAHAHAHAHAHOOPLA!
Sandy: YOUR LAUGH IS DUUUUUUMMMMMMBBBBB!
Gary: Meow.
[Cut to the bathroom, where Mr. Krabs and Plankton are looking at each other menacingly]
Mr. Krabs: PIPSQUEAK!
Plankton: BIG DUMB!
Mr. Krabs: [steps on Plankton] HA!
Plankton: [bites Mr. Krabs’ foot]
Mr. Krabs: OUCH! [jumps to the sky, leaving a hole in the roof]
Plankton: HA! I WIN!
Mr. Krabs: [falls near Plankton]
Plankton: MISSED ME! *hiccup* MY LUCKY DAY!
Mr. Krabs: I’M ANGRY! [he punches the wall, breaking it] AAAAAARGH! Hey, I’m so STRong!
Plankton: Imma steal the formula thingy. [he walks out of the store passing through the broken wall]
Mr. Krabs: NO YA DON’T! Ya always LoSE! Ha! [runs towards Plankton]
Plankton: TRY and catch ME! 
[They run away]
French Narrator: December 26th…
[The store is trashed, and everyone is on the floor, except Mr. Krabs and Plankton who are nowhere to be seen]
Bubble Bass: Ugh…….we partied for over a day….
Patrick: I’m still *hiccup* drunk.
Bubble Bass: AAAAAARGH! WE NEED TO START! COMING OF AGE THEME! YOU HAVE THREE DAYS!
[Mr. Krabs and Plankton come into the store on a train]
Mr. Krabs and Plankton: Hello!
Bubble Bass: ……...Coming of age theme, three days.
Plankton: Sounds good to-[he gets thrown out of the train by Mr. Krabs]
Mr. Krabs: Sounds good!
Plankton: THIS MEANS WAR, KRABS!
[A montage plays of Mr. Krabs and Plankton pranking each other while the other contestants submit their comic books]
Bubble Bass: Mr. Krabs, Plankton, it’s been three days and you have not submitted!
Plankton: Can you give us two more days? Krabs has stopped every chance I got to make my comic book!
Mr. Krabs: That was you!
Plankton: FALSE!
Bubble Bass: Fine! Two more days.
French Narrator: Two days later…
Bubble Bass: HAPPY NEW YEAR! Now, Mr. Krabs, Plankton, why have you two not submi-wait, where are they?
Sandy: I haven’t seen them in a while!
[A strong sound is heard]
Fred: What is that?
[Cut to the sky, where Mr. Krabs and Plankton are fighting on a bomb falling down at the store]
French Narrator: You’re probably wondering how they got in this situation……..same.
Mr. Krabs: WHY DID YOU KILL HER, SHELDON?! WHY?!
Plankton: And why did YOU shoot?! YOU HAD TO SHOOT, DIDN’T YOU?!
[The bomb hits the comic book store, and Fred yelling “MY LEG!” is heard]
[After the explosion, the screen zooms on the now destroyed comic book store, where everyone except Mr. Krabs and Plankton are dead]
Mr. Krabs: Ugh, finally, we’re out of this stupid show!
Plankton: What was the next theme gonna be, reality TV?
[They both laugh, as the episode ends]
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