The Aftermath of Sexual Assault

== THE AFTERMATH OF SEXUAL ASSAULT ==
=== By: Martha Nesbitt ===
Published in StoryStar 2014
When the assault ended I was emotionally /mentally numb. The promise of
my attacker kept echoing through my mind. " Saturday I will be back to
spend the day with you." I wanted to shout " Hell No , you won't ;
This was your first and last time to assault this woman. 
Physically, internally, I was in intense pain . My vaginal tissues and
the tissue in the space between my vagina and anus was ripped. I was bleeding
from my vagina and anus . I hated the pain and yet I welcomed it . The intense
pain of these injuries told me I was still capable of feeling and more
important I was still alive. I had survived the assault. I would find a way to
conceal the physical injuries. I would rebound even stronger . He was not my
first and this was not my first sexual assault . Those honors belong to a first
cousin in Mississippi. 
In my bathroom was the sink where he washed my blood and vaginal fluids
from his genital regions. In the sink was my towel he used to dry himself. I
envied him and yet I hated him. With only soap and water he had successfuly
washed all trace of me from him. There would be no trace of evidence on his
body linking him to me or the crime he committed . 
I wished I could get in a hot shower and wash his cum from my hair, from
my face and most of all I wanted to scald the taste of his fluids from my
mouth. I was the crime scene what evidence he left in me or on the surface of
my body had to be preserved as he left it . one shower and there would be
nothing to support my sexual assault charge . 
Everything was so surreal as I silently watched my attacker scurry
around my apartment frantically gathering his clothes. His ragged dirty shorts
and briefs were in the living room on the floor in front of the sofa where he
forced me to perform oral sex on him . 
His nasty beer stained shirt was in my bedroom thankfully he had taken
that with him as he retreated saying he had taken too long with me . If he went
home to change he would be late for work. I could not imagine he would go to
mine intoxicated , The mines are dangerous enough for a sober man . To think of
the lives he could possibly ruin sent shivers through my body. 
When I was confident my attacker had been given enough time to clear the
area I collapsed in a heap of painful angry tears . I was angry at my attacker
. I was angry with myself for having been so damn passive . I was angry with
myself for being so afraid he had a weapon hidden in his sock . I was angry
with myself for assuming if I fought him he would hurt me . I was angry with
myself for taking the role of a submissive with him. I was angry with the
police who arrested Mike and I was angry with Mike for taking the risk he did
and for putting himself in a position to be arrested , 
I wanted to expose this predator for what he was . If possible , I
wanted to warn others just in case some other woman somewhere was considering
being in a relationship with this sexual predator . It was to late but, I
wanted to block him from ever contacting me again, 
My online mentor and friends advised me to call the police and report
the rape . 
I had to stop feeling sorry for myself . I had to dry my tears and go
across the street to the sheriff's department. I had to open the door walk up
to the window and let somone behind a wire screen know I was there to see Michael.
I had to fake complete composure as I sat there waiting for a deputy to admit
me to the inmate visitation area. 
I had no intention of telling Michael about the sexual assault . It
wasn't I wanted to go through this alone I just didn't think Michael was the
right person to ally with . He was in jail facing the strongest possibility he
was going to prison . Win or lose my husband was in no position to help me . 
I had no intention of telling Michael , I did not trust his reaction . I
was afraid what his reaction might be . Any husband who gives a damn about his
wife would respond in anger . I did not want to risk having Michael respond
with an angry outburst . He could turn his anger on me or strike out at some
person or object in the jail . I did not want the deputies to take disciplinary
actions against Mike . 
I reported the assault after I finished visiting with Michael . 
Seeing Michael was necessary. He needed the two visits every week to
remind him I was there supporting him emotionally and financially . For
Michael's sake I wanted him to know I was and would always be in his corner.
Category:StoryStar
Category:Nesbitt
Category:Web-published