Jailhouse Rock

Jailhouse Rock is the twentieth episode of Cult of Squid. It aired December 31st, 2019 and was written by Purple133.
== Plot ==
Security runs into problems after locking up the Feathered Friends as the cult jail is now full.
== Transcript ==
(Episode opens at the cult dungeon with a random guard asleep as Security enters)
Security: Brother Snoozy, awaken! I have captured the Feathered Friends!
(SpongeBob, Patrick, Plankton, and Mr. Krabs are forced into a cell)
Mr. Krabs: You’re not gonna get away with this!
Security: What are you going to do? 
Mr. Krabs: Well I’ve heard tell of this group of resistance crabs that have come to help!
Krusty Komrade Member: Uh no we’re in jail too. Got caught back in January.
Mr. Krabs: Dammit!
Security: I’m going to go talk with Brother Squidward about what to do with you. Brother Snoozy! Wake up, you need to stand guard!
Brother Snoozy: Wait what’s going on?
(Cut to Security talking with Squidward)
Security: Brother Squidward, I can’t help but feel you’re hiding something from me.
Squidward: Oh well in an alternate past where the cult lost I made a deal with Satan and got us a nifty new timeline where we won. 
Security: that's the stupidest thing ive ever heard.
Squidward: Something about meeting literal Satan compels you to tell the truth a lot more often. 
Security: Well uh it appears we have a slight issue.
Squidward: What is it?
Security: Well the prison is now completely full with the addition of the Feathered Friends.
Squidward: I see. 
Security: Yeah so uh what should we do about that?
Squidward: Double the size of the prison!
Security: We don’t have the funding for that.
Squidward: We practically own the ocean. We can do whatever the *dolphin noises* we want!
Security: I guess that’s true. Let’s go to get some more materials to build!
Squidward: Yes.
(Security brings some of his cult brothers to gather materials)
Security: Brother Brother, will you please grab those iron bars?
Brother Brother: Yeah, sure.
Unnamed Cult Member: Pffff your name is Brother Brother?
Brother Brother: Hey, shut up Brother Abortion!
(Cut to the Feathered Friends)
SpongeBob: Hey Plankton, how long until you can call Karen?
Plankton: It’ll take like five more minutes for me to establish a cell connection.
(Noseward walks past the cell)
Noseward: Hey, what’s going on in here?
Krabs: Nothing.
Patrick: I thought Plankton was going to bust us out of here.
(Everybody in the cell facepalms)
Patrick: What.
Noseward: Oh, okay then. BROTHER SNOOZY WAKE THE HELL UP!
Brother Snoozy: Huh?
Noseward: You’re being fired. FROM LIFE.
(Noseward stabs Brother Snoozy)
Plankton: That was a very strange turn of events.
Noseward: Good pun, eh?
SpongeBob: No.
Noseward: I’ll be standing guard here and on my watch, you won’t escape ever.
Krabs: Oh come on. 
Noseward: If you try to escape I’ll cripple you!
Plankton: No not again!
Noseward: Good. Good. 
(Cut to Security and the cult brothers bringing supplies to Squidward’s throne room)
Squidward: Why did you bring the supplies in here? Go build!
Security: Alright fine.
(The cult begins to extend the jail)
SpongeBob: Hey, what are you guys doing?
Security: (uses pickaxe to break through old tile wall) adding more jail cells!
Patrick: (has idea) hey, why don’t you guys uhhhhhhhhh make it into a trophy room?
Noseward: Woah, that’s genius!
Security: Hey Noseward, where is a Brother Snoozy?
Noseward: Uhhhh he went to take a nap.
Security: Ah, alright. 
Noseward: Yep.
Krabs: Yeah, that’s EXACTLY what happened. 
Security: Shut up naive!
Noseward: Yeah, do that.
Brother Brother: Hey guys, do you want us to drill a hole and blow some dynamite in it?
Security: Yeah, whatever. I need a milkshake.
Noseward: I can whip one up!
Plankton: Wait how, you have no arms.
(The dynamite blows up and everybody drops to the floor; Squidward comes downstairs)
Squidward: What was THAT?!
Everybody: Nothing!
Squidward: HEY WHERE DID THIS HOLE COME FROM?!
(Noseward and Patrick point at Brother Brother)
Brother Brother: Security told me to do it!
Security: That is true, I did tell him to do it.
Brother Brother: Wait you’re actually taking the blame for me?
Security: Yeah.
Brother Brother: Why?
Squidward: GUYS SHUT UP! INSTALL A SWIMMING POOL DOWN HERE IMMEDIATELY!
(Squidward walks back upstairs)
Security: Brother Brother, you are a good friend to me. Probably my only one. . 
Brother Brother: Thanks, that means a lot actually. Let’s install this swimming pool!
SpongeBob: Can we help?
Noseward: No, shut up prisoner. 
(Episode closes with the cult members installing a very cool underground swimming pool)
Category:Episodes
Category:Cult of Squid
Category:Transcripts
Category:Episode transcripts
Category:2019
Category:2019 Episodes
Category:2019 Transcripts
Category:Episodes written by Purple133
Category:2010s