Mater Private Eye/Transcript

[The title shows up. Cars Toons: Mater's Tall Tales shows up and then we see a door with the words Mater's Tall Tales in black and white. We hear a honk and we see Mater]
Mater: [mimicking a gangster voice] If I'm lyin', I'm cryin', see.
[The title shows up. Mater Private Eye]
[Lightning McQueen rolls into Flo's V8 Café]
Lightning McQueen: Morning, Flo. Hey, can I get some air? My tires have gone flat.
Mater: [pops up beside Lightning McQueen and jumps in front of him] Flat tires, you say? I thought I'd done solved that crime.
Lightning McQueen: What?
Mater: I was a private eye.
Lightning McQueen: No way.
Mater: Yes way! It was 7:15 on a Friday night.
[A flashback]
Mater: (NARRATING) I was workin’ downtown, mostly small jobs, but this time I was onto somethin’ real big. It was all right there in black and white; Blowouts everywhere. There was some kind of counterfeit tire ring and a sale on trailer hitches down at Rusty Rod's. I was about to hit the bricks and then... she drove in. 
[Tia enters his office]
Mater: (NARRATING) She was wearin’ those whitewalls. The ones that used to drive me crazy.
Tia: Hello, Mater.
Mater: What are you doin’ here, Tia?
Tia: I missed you.
Mater: Like you missed your last smog check?
Tia: Oh! You don't have to play poker with me.
Mater: Well, you always were the wild card. What do you want?
Tia: I need you to find my sister, Mia. She's been carnapped! (Sobs)
Mater: Quit the waterworks, will ya? Where did you last see her?
Tia: She was working for Big D.
[Thunder flashes]
Mater: Big D, you say?
Tia: She worked at his club, the Carbacabana.
[Fade to the Carbacabana where Mater watches a Spanish female car named Carmen perform a song on stage]
Carmen: ¡Muchas gracias! [She giggles and drives to Mater] You wanted to see me, señor?
Mater: I’m lookin’ for Mia. You seen her?
Carmen: Mia? (SCOFFS) That ragtop. I don't remember.
Mater: Well maybe this [Mater shows Carmen a whitewall tire] will help you remember.
Carmen: Hmm, Maybe...
[He shows her three more whitewall tires]
Carmen: Oh! Well, now I remember. [she moves next to him] I saw her a couple of days ago with Big D.
Mater: Where did they go?
Carmen: I don't know, and I don't care. But she did smell salty, like the ocean.
Clyde: Hey, this guy buggin' you?
Carmen: Not yet, but a girl can hope. [winks at Mater who winks at her back]
Claude: Well, he's buggin' me. 
[They throw Mater outside]
Mater: Hello, Clyde. Where'd ya get the handtruck?
Clyde: [flips his pocket knife] You’re a very nosey fella, kitty cat, Huh? You know what happens to guys who shine their headlights in the wrong places? Huh? No? Wanna guess? Huh?
Tow Mater: I dunno. Free car wash?
Clyde No! They lose ‘em. [He removes one of Mater's headlights it]
Tow: Ow!
Clyde: Next time it's the blinkers! Understand?!
[They both head back in]
Mater: (NARRATING) I was down to one headlight, but I could still see just fine.
[He goes to a garbage truck named Stinky]
Mater: Hey, Stinky, what’s the dirt on the street?
Stinky: I don't know.
Mater: No?
Stinky: No. They got me working the alleys; dumping all these blowouts.
Mater: Blowouts, ya say?
Stinky: Yeah. It's odd though.
Mater: Odd?
Stinky: Yeah. They all have this smell.
Mater: Smell?
Stinky: They smell salty.
Mater: Salty?
Stinky: Like the ocean.
Mater: Ocean?
Stinky: I haven't smelled that since I worked down at the docks.
Mater: Rocks?
Stinky: Docks.
Mater: Ducks?
Stinky: Docks!
Mater: The docks! Thanks, Stinky.
Stinky: You're welcome, Mater.
[He drives to the docks]
Mater: Mia!
[Mater wears a disguise and goes to the ship]
One of Big D’s henchman: (WHISTLES)
Crane: Huh?
[The crane lifts Mater's disguise off of him]
Mater: Uh oh.
Mia: (MUFFLED YELLING)
Mater: Big D! Wait ‘till I tell the DA.
Big D: You ain't tellin' the DA nothin'.
Mater: What? I'm been Shanghaied!
Tia: No!
Mater: Tia, you double crossin’ double crosser!
Tia: I had no choice! It was the only way to save my sister!
Mater: Well you always did the right thing, just the wrong way.
[The Crane moves him above the water]
Tia: No!
[Back in reality]
Lightning McQueen: Whoa! What did you do?
Mater: Like you don’t know, Lieutenant Lightning McQueen.
[Cut back to the past]
Lieutenant Lightning McQueen: Looks like we finally caught you, Big D.
Big D: Oh no, McQueen!
[They charge]
Clyde: Get ‘em!
[Forklift thugs throw oil drums at them]
Lieutenant Lightning McQueen: Whoa!
Tia: [Looks up] Oh! Mater! [She presses a button and the crane swings back round and drops Mater]
Mater: Whee-Hoo! [He lands on deck and the crane drops a crate of counterfeit tires on Big D] Aha! Just what I thought. Counterfeit tires.
Lieutenant Lightning McQueen: You lead us right to him, Mater. Take him away, boys. [They take him away]
Mater: It's a fine mess you got me into, Tia.
Tia: I'm not bad, Mater. I just drive that way. Come on, let's pick up where we left off. (GASPS)
[Mater drives out on Tia. Back in reality again]
Lightning McQueen: Mater, that is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.
Carmen: Rrrrrrrrrrrrr-ahhh! Come on Mater, everybody conga!
Mater: Right behind ya! [Mater follows Carmen, and then dances away with her]
Everyone: Cha, Cha, Cha!
Category:Mater Private Eye
Category:Transcripts