Transcripts 2003-06

Transcripts from June 2003 strips.
==June 2==
Panel 1Richard is sitting at Red's kitchen table and holding a blue mug as he looks at Red, who is standing next to him and looking him in the eye. A range and cabinet are visible in the background.Red: Instead of apologising, I ran home to live with my parents and never saw either of you again!Panel 2Closer-up shot of panel 1, but Red is now smiling, with a hand on Richard's shoulder.Red: Until now that is! And I plan to make up for lost time!Richard: Huh?Panel 3Richard's eyes open wide with a ! as Red leans in and kisses him.
==June 6==
Panel 1Richard is sitting at the kitchen table while Red straddles him. Richard has a look of disbelief on his face, while Red smirks with mischief. A blue mug is on the kitchen table, and a sink, range, and window are visible in the background.Richard: Red, wait! I was shouting at you ten minutes ago! It's a bit early to pull something like that! Besides, have you thought of the possibility that I might be ta...Red: Sorry, but you know I don't mince my words! I've not had any for months, and from a guy even longer! And all this talk of sex has made me horny as hell!Panel 2Red closes her eyes and kisses Richard again, though he still has a look of shock. The background is solid red.Panel 3Same as panel 2, but Richard starts to close his eyes. The background is the same pale yellow as the kitchen walls.Panel 4Same, but Richard's eyes are now fully closed, and he has his hand around her shoulder. The background is teal.
==June 9==
Panel 1Richard is lying in bed with his hands behind his head, a pensive look on his face. The panel is staged so to obscure who is in the room with him.Caption: Later...(Off-panel): Wow! That was fantastic!Richard: Hmm?(Off-panel): Mmm! I haven't had it that good in ages! And not only once but twice in a row!Panel 2The camera turns to reveal Anne is sitting up in bed with Richard. She gives him a sly grin as he smiles back at her.Anne: But don't think I'm not mad at you running out on me last night! I'm jsut too shallow to pass up an opportunity like that! What got you so worked up anyway?Panel 3Richard looks pleased with himself as Anne peeks under the sheets with an "Ooo!"Richard (thinking): Well you see Anne; I had an ex-lover on my lap trying to remove my tonsils with her tongue while groping my crotch! I was all set to bend her over her kitchen table and fuck her brains out, but I came to my senses and did a runner for home!Richard: Um, just a severe case of morning wood I guess!
==June 13==
THE STORY SO FAR BY STICKS
Single panelCrude drawings on yellow paper vaguely divided into sections by space rather than panel outlines, a throwback to Sticks's supplemental illustrations. A colour shot of Sticks saying "Hi!" looking through and holding the edges of a square hole appears at the top left corner.Section 1The first paragraph is flanked on either side by a crude drawing of Tessa, Sticks, and Tin-Head, and of the E11 orbiting Uranus. Tessa has "SEXY" with an arrow pointing to her head as she "GRR!"s, Sticks has "ME" pointing to his head, with a "♥" floating nearby, and Tin-Head has "STUPID" pointing to his head as he says, "DUR!" The E11 is labelled "E13" and has "CRAP HOLE" pointing to it, "SPACE" is labelled with arrows pointing in three directions, and "()ANUS" is below the E11.Text (Sticks): Well it all started when my owner and girlfriend, Tessa, told my idiot counterpart Tin-Head to rip apart her captain's car when she was drunk! He did and we ended up posted on the biggest shit-heap in the solar system! Station E11 orbiting Uranus. I liked it there, as I didn't have to worry about Tessa getting killed. Though I had to stop her throwing the scientists out the airlocks when they pissed her off!Section 2The second paragraph is flanked on either side by a crude drawing of Cook with the Wildfire, and Tin-Head's head on a table. Cook has "SHiFTY" pointing to him as he says, "I'm Sooo. smarter then you! BLah! BLay! Bluh!" The Wildfire is labelled "WHiLOfire" and its thrusters have fire coming out, labelled "WOSWOOSH!" Tin-Head's head is labelled "Still stuPid" and the table is labelled "Table" with arrows pointing to each.Text (Sticks): That all changed when Dr Cook and a horde of goons from the weapons manufacturer Maytec, turned up with a ship called "Wildfire". They refused to tell us why they were there; just that the government had given them free run of the station. That pissed off commander Smithy a lot! They even had Tin-Head dismantled for security, so it wasn't all bad!Section 3The third paragraph has a crude drawing of the Oracle, First Advisor Gates, and another Anarchist (Jack Heart?) on the left, and the Inglorious at the bottom of the page. The Oracle is labelled "Spooky" and is saying "woo!", Gate is labelled "UgLy", and the Anarchist is labelled "S hiftyx2" with "hat" pointing to his hat. The Inglorious is labelled "BiG" and has "Pow!" next to the firing laser.Text (Sticks): Then things started to get weird! A supposedly long-dead founder of the Collective of Anarchist States (CAS) turned up in a ship that went missing fifty years before, called the "Inglorious". After Gates had taken most of the crew captive (luckily I was keeping Tessa... er... busy, so she didn't turn up for the alarm and wasn't caught), Cook let slip that the Wildfire was a time machine! It appeared that the Inglorious was too, and Gates wanted Cook's prototype to use to build his own ship in the past.... Er well the future now... Whatever!
==June 15==
THE STORY SO FAR BY STICKS part 2
Single panelCrude drawings on yellow paper vaguely divided into sections by space rather than panel outlines.So Norman Gates was holding most of the crew hostage and was holding them for ransom. He wanted commander Smith to hand the prototype time machine over to him without a fuss. However, Dr Cook didn't feel like handing over his life's work for a bunch of military rejects...Section 1The first paragraph is flanked on either side by a crude drawing of Adams being tased by Cook with a "ZAP", Cook screaming "EEK!" when encountering an Inlay saying "Grr", and Cook screaming "EEK!" when encountering Tessa saying "Grr" and holding the Black Rose (labelled "Big Gun").Text (Sticks): After zapping Smithy the Doc did a runner for his ship, only to run into one of Norman's toys! Luckily for the Doctor... for want of a better word, Tessa was there to put a hole in the Inlay's back! She made sure that Cook didn't get any ideas about leaving without us!Section 2The second paragraph is flanked on either side by a crude drawing of Sticks (labelled "Run, Run") and backwards-headed Tin-Head (labelled "BiTch MoIVEprobably "bitch move" but the lettering is poor"), and of Tessa looking distraught when Sticks is shot (labelled "BANE"BANG"" and "OW!") by a silhouetted Gates (labelled "Drummtic LitEin"dramatic lighting"").Text (Sticks): Meanwhile I was sent to get Tin-Head and put him back together. You've never heard someone complain so much because their head was on backwards! Anyway we made it to the airlock to meet with Tessa... but got shot in the back! That sucked! True I could take it, but it still hurt AND ruined my new shirt!Section 3The third paragraph is flanked on either side by a crude drawing of Gates getting shot in the head by Adams (labelled "BANG!) and the Inglorious shooting the E11 (labelled "POW!).Text (Sticks): It turned out to be Norman Gates (or his clone or whatever) who shot me! He almost got the drop on Tessa too if it wasn't for Smithy popping up and putting a bullet in his brain! Knowing that the Inglorious could outrun the Wildfire and the crew of the ship was going to be pissed for killing Gates, the Doc suggested using the time machine thingy to get away... Although it didn't quite go to plan...
==June 20==
THE STORY SO FAR BY STICKS part 3
Single panelCrude drawings on yellow paper vaguely divided into sections by space rather than panel outlines.Section 1The first paragraph is flanked on either side by a crude drawing of Cook freaking out with an "EEK!!" as he uses the time machine interface (Cook's back end labelled "Bricksas in, shitting them"), and the Wildfire with a large "Poof" cloud coming out the thrusters.Text (Sticks): Before we could use the time machine to escape, the anarchists shot trough the docking thingy on the space station so we couldn't get away. However the Doc had started that machine up and couldn't stop it! The extra weight the docking clamp screwed up about six months of calculations by supercomputers (that's future supercomputers to you) so the Doc had to make a wild guess to amend the numbers...Section 2The second paragraph is flanked on either side by a crude drawing of the Wildfire plummeting toward Present Day Earth with a "WOOSH!" and Cook jumping and throwing money in the air and shouting "WEE! MONEy!" outside the Cook Industries building. Present Day Earth has a comically large "FOR RENT" sign sticking out of it, along with the moon and a UFO(?) flying away from the southern hemisphere. There is a helicopterthis is either Sticks's artistic license or an oversight, as in a future strip, Cook notes they do not have a landing pad and an antenna on the roof of the Cook Industries building.Text (Sticks): It kinda worked. We didn't die and we ended up in the right place... just not the right time! We were now in the past (now the present) about 10 years before the economic collapse that caused the shit storm that was the CAS! It was clear that this would be a good opportunity to save the world from Norman Gates... and to make a shit load of money by "inventing" stuff that's been around for centuries from the time we came from! The Doc happily fronted that!Section 3The third paragraph has a crude drawing of Present Day Gates wearing a dunce cap and saying "DUR!", and Tessa (with "!!!" over her head) running from another Inlay who is firing at her and shouting "GRR" while charging.Text (Sticks): The "make money" part was easy, but the "stop Gates" thing was more tricky. At first we thought that taking his head off with a high powered rifle would be all that was needed... That was until we found out that Norman Gates is a borderline retard! We were amazed this guy could dress himself, let alone plot the downfall of a superpower! That and Tessa and I had a run in with a modern (from the future) Inlay the Americans somehow got hold of! It looks like the anarchists are playing about with the past too! We know someone else is behind all this... and we have no idea who! All we can do is watch Gates and see who approaches him!
==June 23==
Panel 1Norman's hand reaches for a RING!ing landline with a message machine next to it. Both devices are below a shelf.Norman: MUTTERPanel 2Norman picks up the receiver and growls into it, eyes narrowed. There is a coatrack with coats on the wall, and an umbrella stand with an umbrella in the background.Norman: *grumble* Edwards residence!Norman: Try to sell me something and you die!Christopher (phone): You must be Norman Gates, yes?Panel 3Close-up of Norman's face, eyes wider than in panel 2.Norman: Maybe! Who's asking?Christopher (phone): My name? My name is Christopher! How do you do?
==June 27==
Panel 1Norman is still talking on the phone, in the same angry pose from the prior comic but turned around so the room now shows a door in the background.Norman: *Humpth!* Okay Chris, what can I do for ya?Christopher (phone): Oh no not at all Mr Gates! It's what can I do for YOU? We have mutually befitting business goals you and I!Panel 2Close-up of Tin-Head in "sleep" mode, with a "Z" indicating as such.Norman (phone): I'll hunt you down if you try to sell me something!Christopher (phone): Oh, no sales pitch Mr Gates! Let me demonstrate!Panel 3Same as panel 2, but Tin-Head has awoken from "sleep" mode with a "*"Christopher (phone): Are you aware that this very phone line is illegally tapped?Tin-Head (thinking): HELLO!
==June 30==
Panel 1Tessa stumbles into a darkened apartment room. There is an end table with a decorative bowl(?) on it and a picture of mountains on the wall.Caption: LATER...Tessa: Sticks. I'm back. Why is it so dark in here?Tessa: Gah! One more shareholder meeting and I swear I'll go postal! I'll just snap and gut them all like fish!Panel 2Same as panel 1 but Tessa has walked off-panel.Tessa (off-panel): It almost makes me miss the days when if I had a problem, I shot it!Tessa (off-panel): Oh and you could've done the washing up you lazy sod!Panel 3Same as panel 2, but a sinister-looking silhouetted figure peeks around the corner, a bloody(?) knife above its head.Tessa (off-panel): Sticks?
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