Mar's Truths (shush now please)

== M.A.G.A ==
Mar Anastazja's Great Answers - they're always right. At least I'm not like my nagging wife and always yapping about it.
== It's a time loop. ==
The time is looping and stuff
# Demon of the outer ring comes in cuz lilly caspia can't figure out what she wants (squirrel behavior)
# InCel of the outer ring goes on his little power trip
# Traveler of the fragments (from here on referred to as Jackson DickInSon Lichtman) decides to stop putting up with this █████ 
# Jacksum DickInSon Lichtman creates the Eternity fragment with the help of Voladingus and the other helpful doors
# Jacksnum DickInSon Lichtman is a sleepy little baby and accidentally causes Voladingus and the other helpful doors to careen into the Earth 
# Humanity destroyed ! !
# Lilly caspia is triggered so she decides to try to figure out what she wants
# Squirrel behavior ensues
As you can see this is clearly and undoubtedly a loop anyone who isn't numb-brained and brick-blooded can see this .
== A.M.S.A. - CONFIRMED TRUE...... ==
AMSA is actually a helicopter that carries away caspian schmucks so they don't go and touch the outside people 
== Grant Lichtman's dirty little sin - CONFIRMED TRUE........... ==
Remember with Gramt drew that card that summoned the little incel and banished him to another realm. Yeah that's gonna be relevant for sure and he's definitely in our campaign.
== Castor is Dead ==
The last thing you want for your favorite little genius is for him to be dead. But as it turns out, that might be what you get. Our poor friend Castor is unfortunately no longer with us, in fact fully gonzo. We know cuz the fortune teller (Voladingus' contracted girlfriend) was like oh one of you *wink wink* (grench) is dead right now. Well, she was right about Ike going to die so I guess she must be right here about how Phalliccock is dead.
*Update* So the reason Castor is dead is cuz his "father" created him with necromancy magic. He reincarnated Markoth Redboner so that he could gain information from a fragment that was already mumbo jumboed by the Incel. This is why our weeny teenie nerdboy is the same being that committed the big bad sin. 
== Chet is the traveler of the fragments ==
So chet is made of a satroleye which we know is a portion of the body of Jacksmon, the sleepy moon boy. The satroleye cannot be removed from him and he's made of it and the memories of dead folks on that mountain. So chet is kind of fundamentally made of the same thing as the traveler of the fragments so even though he probably won't actually travel fragments or whatever the liberal media is going to whine about, he is still made of the same sweaty portions of Jackon that did travel fragments, blockhead .
== Doors aren't participation trophies? DEBUNKING THE LIBERAL MEDIA ==
So unlike the LIBTARDS who think all the puny and spineless snowflakes deserve their own trophy just for trying, not all the party members are going to get a door. Guess you'll just have to learn some patriotism and stop trying to rewrite history? SORRY NOT SORRY......
== "Slim" Al - CONFIRMED TRUE....... ==
Sorry I'm not all "body-positive" but Al is not that slim. He's not fooling anyone (except for Godric "I can't see ████boy Collins" Galahad, probably), just like Jaksom when he tries to pretend that AMSA isn't a helicopter (Air-Medical Systems of America) . .......
== Jay "Q" "Mikey" "'Ol Scratch" "Collins" "Mephistopheles" English fooled around with Lilly Blackwater ==
Not to air out someone else's dirty laundry but we all know that Q and Maryn's Mother had more than a "working relationship"..... it's really not surprising when you see how much of a useless lump "Obese" Al is. It follows logically that Maryn is just a Q spawn - I guess she won't be the first Blackwater to call Q "Daddy"......
== Q is Gabriel ==
Q is Gabriel. Don't ask me why, I just know it's true. All those scientists and "experts" that disagree with me were paid off and stand to profit from people believing that Gabriel is someone else
== Most of the continent is descended from Dorian "Lee" "William" "Fallendrok" "Vaelin Krenting" Zharov ==
Dorian "Thirst Trap" Zharov has been around on the continent for 1000 years and we've seen from our poor anorexic dead genius that he's not above an 'ol smash and dash..... Especially given this man's looks, this theory is incredibly likely (Ike is probably his descendant)
DISCLAIMER: Some reading this previous message could interpret my positive comments about Dorian's looks to imply homosexual tendencies. I cannot stress this enough - I AM NOT AND NEVER HAVE BEEN OR ASSOCIATED WITH HOMOSEXUAL INDIVIDUALS..... anyone who says I am is actually probably gay.
don't mention this to my parents or my stupid wife or my boyfriend
== Q Wrote the Magnostadt Prophecy ==
So the Magnostadt prophecy was created the same year as when Magnostadt was founded and when those letters were delivered to Hajun "Worthless pile of obliterated ash" Crane. Well I think we know which Lily Blackwater-████ing matchstick delivered those letters given that he's the only fairy-boy who needs to cry like a little girl to his diaries and give them to us. Do you think it's a coincidence that all these things happened at the same time? Didn't think so, chum bucket.......
== Rip Huge!! is a creature no one's ever seen... DEBUNKED ==
So the liberal media says that Rip is some creature that no one's ever seen. But really, he's the only red-blooded and real man in the whole party. That's because he knows that if there's something you want you should take it, and leave useless "ethical considerations" for bed-wetting jello molds who won't stop whining to their eggman uncles...
== Eyes ==
There's something weird going on with people's eyes/vision...
* Ike is blind
* Q is blind
* Godric Galahad is blind
* The "symphony of lights" is two CLOSED golden eyes__FORCETOC__
* In the Magnostadt Prophecy - "The Blind Prophet's eyes see all; the sight of the peerless is absolute"
== Ugashi is the Titan of Felt and Fury ==
Alright numbnuts, what else in the entire campaign do we know is made of felt other than the doll Maryn has that is actually a sealed Ugashi. Checkmate, bozo....
== The Dark Star is one of us...? ==
Apparently the Dark Star is "right next to us" - alright punk, put down your pot-bong and come out of your parent's basement for once and use your brain, cretin...
== Things Get a Little Dusty ==
Things got a little dusty in our cart recently, I had to whip out the dirt devil since NO ONE ELSE cleans ANYTHING around here. Castor could at least give us some forward notice before he brings his dad in for him to just dust all over the place.