Last Supper

Last Supper is the fourth episode of season five, and the forty-sixth episode overall, of No Malarkey in Bikini Bottom. It premiered on June 6, 2021.
==Plot==
Shortly after Mr. Biden hires Mr. SquarePants as the White House Cook, a conspiracy to assassinate him is launched.
==Transcript==
[The episode opens outside the White House. Mr. Fancyson’s limousine arrives.]
Squilliam’s Assistant: Ready for work, sir?
Mr. Fancyson: Why do I even bother? This place is getting more annoying with each passing day.
Squilliam’s Assistant: But remember, with each passing day you’re embezzling from the treasury without any impunity!
Mr. Fancyson: I suppose it’s worth it. [gets out of the limousine and opens the the door] At least there aren’t any sponge filth—
[Inside the White House, Mr. Biden is seen shaking Mr. SquarePants’ hand.]
Mr. Biden: Congratulations, Plankton, you’re now our head cook!
Mr. SquarePants: Yay! [laughs]
Mr. Fancyson: What is this?! You can’t let sponges like him make our food!
Mr. Biden: Why not? He makes some great chum fricassee!
Mr. Fancyson: He’s more annoying than you! I demand you fire him immediately!
Mr. Banana: Absolutely not. Thank goodness Mr. Krabs fired him, as cooks like Mr. SquarePants don’t come around often. He’ll never go on strike!
Mr. SquarePants: Hi Squilliam!
Mr. Fancyson: Don’t talk to me, you filthy sponge—
Mr. SquarePants: Hi Squilliam!
Mr. Fancyson: I SAID DON’T TALK TO ME YOU—
Mr. SquarePants: Hi Squilliam!
[Suddenly, Mr. Fancyson’s unibrow bursts into flames and withers away. A new one emerges immediately.]
Mr. SquarePants: Oooh! I wonder if I could do that with my eyebrows! [starts flexing all his muscles, only to fart] Oops! I farted! [starts laughing]
Mr. Fancyson: See! Look at how immature this creature is—
[Everyone except Mr. Fancyson laughs along.]
Mr. Fancyson: I am really about to lose my patience with you fools…
[Suddenly, Mr. SquarePants is seen sucking on Mr. Fancyson’s nose.]
Mr. SquarePants: Have you lost it now?
[Mr. Fancyson throws Mr. SquarePants away.]
Mr. Fancyson: Indeed.
[Cut to Mrs. Harris’ House. Mr. Fancyson rings the doorbell.]
Prison Worker: Uh, boss, the Secretary of the Treasury is at your door.
Mrs. Harris: Let him in.
Mr. Fancyson: [pushes open the door once it’s unlocked] I’ve had it with Joe! He’s too annoying for me to bear! He crossed the line today when he hired a sponge to be the White House cook.
Mrs. Harris: He’s too annoying for me as well. I’m disgusted when I see him pardon folks, even if they are the elite! It’s why I stay here.
Mr. Fancyson: This calls for drastic action.
Mrs. Harris: And what do you mean by that?
Mr. Fancyson: I suggest we...take him out.
Mrs. Harris: Do we really want to do that? Look at what happened to the two who tried to take out Trump!
Mr. Fancyson: Trust me, this is foolproof.
Mrs. Harris: Hmm...tell me about this plan.
Mr. Fancyson: As we speak, my assistant is helping that sponge prepare dinner, and when I say “helping”, I mean poisoning Joe’s meal when nobody's looking. When he starts eating, I’ll text you to prepare for your inauguration. He’ll be dead within a few minutes.
Mrs. Harris: Pft, that old bastard would probably be dead already by then.
Mr. Fancyson: That’s the spirit! Soon, you and I will rule Bikini Bottom together with a golden fist!
[Mr. Fancyson’s phone rings.]
Mr. Fancyson: Hello?
Assistant: [on the phone] Should SpongeBob be killed as well? His laugh is really irritating me.
Mr. Fancyson: Absolutely, this world must be rid of sponges.
[Cut to the White House kitchen in the evening.]
Mr. SquarePants: Alright, Squilliam’s Assistant, should we start serving the Krabby Patties?
Assistant: Uh, can you set the tables? I’m gonna put some, uh...rare spices in these patties, for the taste!
Mr. SquarePants: Sure! RARE spices...that rhymes with SQUARE! [laughs and walks out]
Squilliam’s Assistant: Finally. [injects poison into Mr. Biden’s and Mr. SquarePants’ Krabby Patties]
[As Mr. SquarePants enters the dining room, Mr. Biden is seen holding a photo of Mr. Pineapple.]
Mr. SquarePants: Who’s that?
Mr. Biden: My one true love… [starts crying]
Mr. SquarePants: That’s Jill?
Mr. Biden: Who’s Jill?
Mr. SquarePants: Your wife.
Mr. Biden: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Mr. SquarePants: Anyways, how should I set the tables?
Mr. Biden: Who cares about setting the tables?! I’ll never be set without my soulmate, Travis Pineapple!
Mr. SquarePants: [grabs the photo] Where was this taken?
Mr. Biden: Just outside her bedroom! Sorry if it’s a little blurry, the banana here somehow can’t lift me high enough!
Mr. Banana: Somehow?!
Mr. SquarePants: Hmm...he looks like he’s in high school...
Mr. Renaud: And that’s what makes ‘em beautiful! [sits in a chair] So, what’s for dinner?
Mr. SquarePants: Mr. Renaud, I can only serve the President and their Cabinet.
Mr. Renaud: I am the President! Now stop talking and give me a Krusty Kid’s Meal!
Mr. SquarePants: Why would you want a Krusty Kid’s Meal? You’re a grown man!
Mr. Renaud: Age is just a number!
Mr. Pepperchicken: [sits in another chair] Nevermind him, I’m the real President! Nourish me with some Russian salami!
Mr. SquarePants: I’m afraid we only serve Israeli salami.
Mr. Pepperchicken: WHAT
Mr. SquarePants: All our food comes from Israel. Well, specifically we get it from a Krusty Krab outlet in Palestine, but it’s from Israel as far as our government is concerned.
Mr. Pepperchicken: Who do you think you are, feeding me some Jewish garbage? As President, I hereby declare that all food served in Bikini Bottom must be imported from Russia!
Mr. Biden: President Pepperchicken is right! Mrs. Pineapple will never come here if the food’s from Israel! It needs to be from a socialist country, like Nazi Germany! 
Mr. SquarePants: I’ll make a note of that, sir. 
Mr. Fancyson: Enough talk! Isn’t it time to bring the poison—I mean, the food?
Mr. SquarePants: Of course.
[Mr. SquarePants gives a poisoned Krabby Patty to Mr. Biden, and a regular Krabby Patty to everyone else at the table. He puts the other poisoned Krabby Patty on his plate.]
Mr. Fancyson: [evilly grins] Everything shall go smoothly...
[Mr. Biden opens his mouth to eat, but Mr. Banana stops him.]
Mr. Banana: WAIT! You forgot your bib!
Mr. SquarePants: Good thing I always bring my bib with me! [quickly puts on his bib and starts eating]
[As Mr. Banana slowly puts on Mr. Biden’s bib, Mr. SquarePants suddenly starts coughing severely. Within seconds, he collapses.]
Mr. Banana: What in the—[rushes over to Mr. SquarePants and checks his pulse] HOLY GUACAMOLE! He’s dead!
[Everyone gasps.]
Mr. Banana: How could this be?!
Mr. Biden: I dunno. [opens his mouth to eat again, only for Mr. Banana to throw his Krabby Patty away]
Mr. Banana: I smell poison! Both in Joe’s Krabby Patty and Mr. SquarePants’ corpse!
Mr. Biden: This can only mean one thing...someone had tried to assassinate me!
[Everyone gasps again.]
Mr. Banana: Who could it be?!
Mr. Fancyson: I bet that damned sponge tried to poison our dear President, but ended up poisoning himself due to his sheer stupidity! [mutters to himself] Shit. [takes out his phone, texts “Assassination Attempt Failed. We’ll try again soon.”, and sends it]
[Mr. G’s phone beeps.]
Mr. G: [takes out his phone] Uh, Squilliam? Why’d you send me a text saying “Assassination Attempt Failed. We’ll try again soon.”?
Mr. Fancyson: [inks] That was meant for, uh, Kamala.
Mr. Banana: WAIT. Assassination Attempt?! SQUILLIAM AND KAMALA TRIED TO KILL JOE!
[Everyone gasps once more.]
Mr. Fancyson: I...I can explain!
Mr. Banana: You tried to poison an esteemed war criminal, and you successfully poisoned our cook! I am simply shocked. Every decent individual knows that poisoning should only be reserved for communists!
Mr. Pepperchicken: As well as the Jews and Homosexuals!
Mr. Obama: I suppose Squilliam and Kamala should be arrested right about now.
Mr. Biden: Hold on there. Squilliam, I need you to be 100% honest. Did you and Kamala really try to kill me?
Mr. Fancyson: I had no choice...if I just let you live, I would die from you being so annoying! I did what I had to do. I’m rich, so don’t think about jailing me, but it is necessary that I resign—
Mr. Biden: Resign? You tried to do what I’ve been wishing for! Ever since the Secret Service took away my gun, I’ve been trying to figure out a way to die, but you gave me one on a literal silver platter! Squilliam, I hereby declare you and Kamala fully pardoned for this act! You can embezzle from the treasury as much as you like!
Mr. Fancyson: Wow. I don’t hate you anymore, you really are the best President!
Mr. Banana: Well, don’t forget that he killed Mr. SquarePants.
Mr. Fancyson: [eats his Krabby Patty] This stuff is amazing! Damnit, he shouldn’t have been killed!
[Suddenly, a knock is heard on the front door.]
Mr. Banana: [opens the door] Mr. Krabs? Mr. Tentacles?
Mr. Krabs: Where’s SpongeBob?
Mr. Banana: Uh... [goes back to the dining room and drags Mr. SquarePants’ corpse to Mr. Krabs] He’s dead.
Mr. Krabs: NO! IT CAN’T BE! [grabs Mr. SquarePants and shakes him] SpongeBob, me boy, wake up! I never should’ve fired you! Nobody’s eating at the Krusty Krab! PLEASE COME BACK!
[Suddenly, Mr. SquarePants wakes up.]
Mr. SquarePants: [coughs] Mr. Krabs...is that you?
Mr. Krabs: YAY! YOU’RE ALIVE! So, what do you say about returning to the Krusty Krab? I’ll do anything!
Mr. Tentacles: [mutters to himself] Anything, hmm? [whispers into Mr. SquarePants’ ear] Say that you’ll only return if all employees are guaranteed a $15 minimum wage.
Mr. SquarePants: Minimum what, Squidward?
Mr. Tentacles: Minimum wage—
Mr. Krabs: Quiet, Mr. Squidward!
Mr. SquarePants: Oh Mr. Krabs, I will come back, and I’ll work for half my previous wage!
Mr. Krabs: WOOHOO!
Mr. Tentacles: [sighs] I better win this Senate race…
Mr. SquarePants: It was great working at the White House, but the Krusty Krab is where I really belong!
[The episode ends as Mr. Krabs, Mr. Tentacles, and Mr. SquarePants head out the front door.]
Category:No Malarkey in Bikini Bottom Fifth Season
Category:Episodes
Category:2021 Episodes