Sleepless in Peppa Pig World

Sleepless in Peppa Pig World is the twenty-third episode of The SpongeBob and Daddy Pig Show and the first episode of the third season. It was written by thatjess and released on June 6, 2022.
==Transcript==
[The episode opens where the season two finale left off, with SpongeBob, Daddy Pig, Mummy Sheep and a load of other people flying home in a spaceship after rescuing Daddy Pig from being stuck on the moon.]
Hash Brown: Ah, another mission accomplished for the Poundland Avengers.
SpongeBob: You’re really keeping that name?
Hash Brown: It has a nice ring to it.
Sandy: Shows less of your ego too.
Hash Brown: True. However, ratio + Linus.
Miss Rabbit: Who the bloody hell is Linus?
[Pan over to Mummy Sheep and Daddy Pig staring out the window together.]
Mummy Sheep: You know… this is nice.
Daddy Pig: Wh- What is?
Mummy Sheep: You know… space and stuff.
Daddy Pig: Oh.
[Pause.]
Mummy Sheep: You know, I was gonna save this for another occasion, but this view is just too good.
Daddy Pig: Pardon?
Mummy Sheep: Daddy Pig…
[Mummy Sheep kneels down on one knee and pulls out a ring.]
Mummy Sheep: Daddy Pig, will you marry me?
[Pause.]
Daddy Pig: I- I…
Mummy Sheep: Yes?
[Cut to Daddy Pig driving up the hill to Mummy Pig’s house. He hops out the car and walks towards the door.]
Daddy Pig: (sighs) It’s been a long time since I’ve been back here.
[Daddy Pig rings the doorbell. Mummy Pig walks towards the door and opens it.]
Mummy Pig: …Daddy Pig?
[After a pause, the two embrace with tears falling from their faces.]
Mummy Pig: I’ve missed you so much, Daddy Pig!
Daddy Pig: I’ve missed you too!
Mummy Pig: So… what the hell are you doing here? I thought we- I thought we divorced!
Daddy Pig: We did! Do you not remember signing the papers?
Mummy Pig: Not really.
Peppa Pig Narrator: We never made an episode where Mummy Pig and Daddy Pig signed the divorce papers.
Mummy Pig: Huh. So… are you going to answer my question or what?
Daddy Pig: Oh, yeah sure right. Well you see, I’ve had this weird feeling on my chest for a while to be completely and… (sighs) I just wanted to say I’m sorry you know. I’m sorry for cheating on you… many times. I’m sorry for… everything basically. I-
Peppa Pig: Daddy Pig?
Mummy Pig: Shut the flying FUCK up, Peppa! Daddy Pig and me are trying to have a fanfiction-y emotional reunion!
[Peppa runs off crying.]
Peppa Pig Narrator: Mummy Pig isn’t a very good parent.
Mummy Pig: DON’T TELL ME HOW TO PARENT MY CHILDREN! So, what you were saying?
Daddy Pig: What? Oh, right. Well… it’s just… I’ve been wanting to ask you something and, um, you don’t have to answer right away but… if you want to, of course, would you please…
Mummy Pig: LET YOU COME BACK AND LIVE WITH US? OH YES! YES! I THOUGHT YOU’D NEVER ASK!
Daddy Pig: …what?
Mummy Pig: …what?
Daddy Pig: I wasn’t going to ask that, you twat! I wanted to ask you if you’d be the best man at my and Mummy Sheep’s wedding!
Peppa Pig Narrator: Oh dear. Daddy Pig has hurt Mummy Pig’s feelings!
Mummy Pig: You… you’re getting married to Mummy Sheep?
Daddy Pig: Yuh.
Mummy Sheep: And… you want me to be the best man?
Daddy Pig: Of course! We’ve been, like, best friends since playgroup!
Mummy Pig: But I’m not even a man! Let alone the best man!
Daddy Pig: True, but Mummy Sheep’s already asked SpongeBob to be a bridesmaid. So, you know, I thought we could have the best woman or something!
Mummy Pig: You want me, your ex-wife… to be the “best woman” at your wedding with Mummy Sheep?
Daddy Pig: Of course! At first I was going to ask my brother Uncle Pig, and then I remembered he’s a fucking wanker… so then I was gonna ask Mr. Rabbit, but to be completely honest with you I think he’s gone a bit mad recently with all his Easter Bunny and NFT stuff so then… then… I thought of you.
[Pause.]
Mummy Pig: Well… okay.
Daddy Pig: Thanks, Mummy Pig. 
Mummy Pig: (sighs) No problem. I love you Daddy Pig… platonically, that is.
Daddy Pig: I… er… share this platonic mutual feeling of love you have for me too, Mummy Pig.
Mummy Pig: So, er… when and where is the wedding anyway?
[Cut to SpongeBob, Daddy Pig and Mummy Sheep at The Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs’ eyes turn into dollar signs.]
Mr. Krabs: You want your wedding at The Krusty Krab?
Mummy Sheep: Well, we were thinking of somewhere cheap and cheerful you know.
[Mr. Krabs shakes hands with Mummy Sheep.]
Mr. Krabs: The Krusty Krab would be honoured to have you, soon-to-be-married couple!
Squidward: But Mr. Krabs! The Krusty Krab doesn’t do wedding services!
Mr. Krabs: Not until now, Mr. Squidward! Just think of all the extra money we could be making if The Krusty Krab started doing wedding services! All people of all genders, all religions… we could even start doing some exotic weddings! Marry people to corpses and stuff, you know.
Peppa Pig Narrator: Mr. Krabs fucks corpses.
Sikowitz: Yeah! We could even marry people to children here!
[Pause.]
Squidward: No, just no.
Mr. Krabs: I may be a necrophile, but I draw the line at children.
Squidward: Yeah, they’re too young for you. (slaps his knee and starts hysterically laughing at his own joke)
Mr. Krabs: Get back to work, Mr. Squidward.
Squidward: Of course, boss. I’m getting paid extra if we go through with this whole wedding thing though, right?
Mr. Krabs: I wouldn’t count on it.
Squidward: Another day, another minimum wage paycheck. (walks off)
SpongeBob: So, are we actually gonna do this? You two are getting married?
Mummy Sheep: I mean it sure looks like it.
Daddy Pig: I’ve always wanted to marry an OnlyFans MILF.
SpongeBob: What’s a MILF?
Daddy Pig: I don’t know but I keep hearing the teenagers say it.
[Daddy Pig puts on a pair of sunglasses.]
Daddy Pig: YOLO, you know?
[Pause.]
Mummy Sheep: I can call this wedding off if you don’t stop that.
Daddy Pig: Sorry, Mummy Sheep.
Category:Thatjess
Category:2022
Category:2022 Episodes
Category:2022 Transcripts
Category:Transcripts
Category:Episodes
Category:Episode transcripts
Category:Episodes written by Thatjess
Category:Coral Blue Productions
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Category:PI Network
Category:The SpongeBob and Daddy Pig Show
Category:Daddy Pig Cinematic Universe
Category:2020s
Category:Blue Lobster Productions