Episode 22

Episode 22 is an uncompleted episode of Mike and Melissa that currently only exists in script form. 
== Backstory == 
This episode's script was most likely posted by Mike on the DirtyLittleMammals Facebook page in a google doc. It was then posted on a 4chan thread with storyboards that are no longer archived. 
== Synopsis ==
Mike and Melissa's one year anniversary is coming up and Mike has to come up with a present to give his girlfriend. He looks through her memories to try and find an idea for an anniversary gift. 
== Script ==
>Panel 1 (Shot 1-1)
Fx: Mike and Melissa making crazy, animalistic sex noises next door.
>Panel 2
Neighbor 1: Can you sleep?
Neighbor 2: No... they've been going at it for hours
>Panel 3 (Shot 1-2)
Neighbor 1: Yeah... they must be GOOD.
>Panel 4
Neighbor 1: Hey, does that make you wanna...
Neighbor 2: No.
>Panel 5 (Shot 1-3)
Neighbor 1: Alright...
FX: Mike and Melissa climaxing
>Panel 6 (Shot 2-1)
*Breathless Laughter*
>Panel 1
Melissa: I didn't know you could make so much noise. I must be doing something right.
>Panel 2
Melissa: (laughing) Relax, I think it's adorable.
Mike: Heh... yiff... heh.
>Panel 3
Mike: I love you, Melissa.
Melissa: I love you too, Mike.
>Panel 4
Mike: You do so much for me...
Melissa: Just doin' my job.
Mike: You've made me so happy...
Melissa: Aw, Mike! Where's all this affection coming from-
>Panel 5
Mike: I don't deserve you.
>Panel 6 (2-2)
Melissa: Yes you do.
>Panel 1 (Shot 2-3)
Mike: No I don't...
>Panel 2 (Shot 2-4)
Melissa: Seriously, don't talk like that.
>Panel 3
Melissa: When you get all mopey, I get double-mopey.
>Panel 4
Melissa: Triple, even!
>Panel 5 (Shot 2-5)
Mike: Sorry, I don't mean to make you double-
Melissa: Triple.
Mike: -Triple mopey. But I mean...
>Panel 6 (Shot 2-6)
Mike: You do, like, everything for me. You help me rig sports games. You remove my creative blocks. You let me make love to you. You actually make me feel good about myself.
>Panel 1
Mike: And... well, I feel like I don't do ANYthing fore you in return.
>Panel 2 (Shot 2-7)
(No dialogue)
>Panel 3
Melissa: Aw, Mike... you don't have to do anything for me. Knowing I've made you happier is good enough for me.
>Panel 4
Mike: GOD, you're too awesome!
>Panel 5
Mike: That's not good enough for ME though. I need to do something to show you how awesome I think you are.
>Panel 6 (Shot 2-8)
Melissa: Mike, I KNOW how awesome you think I am.
>Panel 1
Melissa: You MUST think I'm pretty awesome to think up someone as awesome as me in the first place, right?
(Pan to...)
>Panel 2
Mike: Touche.
>Panel 3
Mike: But still I'm gonna... do something for you or something.
>Panel 4 (Shot 2-9)
Mike: So whadya want? I'll do you anything.
Melissa: I don't want you to do me anything.
>Panel 5
Mike: Sure you do. Everyone wants something. At least let me give you a thingy.
Melissa: Aw, don't get me no thingys.
>Panel 6 (Shot 2-10)
Mike: Damn it, Melissa, I want to do something for you!
>Panel 1
(No Dialogue)
>Panel 2 (Shot 2-11)
(No dialogue)
(Zoom into...)
>Panel 3
(No dialogue)
>Panel 4 (Shot 2-12)
Mike: Mark my words, by our 1-year anniversary, I will do something spectacular...
(Pan to...)
>Panel 5
Mike: As a demonstration of my appreciation for you!
>Panel 6 (Shot 2-13)
Melissa: Alright, you win. If you feel that inclined to do something ridiculous for me, I won't try to stop you.
>Panel 1 (Shot 2-14)
Mike: Good. You won't be disappointed, I promise.
>Panel 2 (Shot 2-15)
Melissa: Looking forward to it.
>Panel 3 (Shot 2-16)
*Smooch*
>Panel 4
Melissa: For the short term though... I thought of something you could do for me.
Mike: Oh yeah? What's that-
>Panel 5
*TACKLE*
Mike: Whoa!
>Panel 6
Mike: DAMN IT, MEL! TOO AWESOME!!!
>Panel 1 (Shot 3-1)
(No dialogue)
>Panel 2
*SMOOCH*
>Panel 3
Melissa: Happy one-day-away-from-our-anniversary-day!
Mike: Wait...
>Panel 4
Mike: ARE YOU SERIOUS??? OUR ANNIVERSARY IS TOMORROW???
>Panel 5 (Shot 3-2)
Melissa: Sure is!
>Panel 6
Melissa: You didn't forget, did you?
>Panel 1 (Shot 3-3)
Mike: No, I remembered so hard that I became divorced from all concept of time and therefore was not aware that it was the 27th already.
>Panel 2
Mike: If that makes any sense.
>Panel 3 (Shot 3-4)
Melissa: It doesn't...
>Panel 4 (Shot 3-5)
(No dialogue)
>Panel 5
Melissa: Please don't tell me you've been spending all this time freaking out over what to do for me.
>Panel 6
Mike: What if I told you I was?
Melissa: Aw man... then I'd have to shake my head at you.
>Panel 1 (Shot 3-6)
Mike: You wouldn't dare!
>Panel 2 (Shot 3-7)
(No dialogue)
>Panel 3 (Shot 3-8)
(No dialogue)
>Panel 4 (Shot 3-9)
(No dialogue)
>Panel 5 (Shot 3-10)
*Shake shake*
>Panel 6 (Shot 3-11)
Mike: OH, THE SHAKES!!!
*Shake*
>Panel 1
*Plop*
>Panel 2 (Shot 3-12)
Melissa: Wasn't that bad.
>Panel 3
Melissa: Now if I was for REALS shaking my head, you'd never recover.
>Panel 4 (Shot 3-13)
Mike: Good point.
>Panel 5
Mike: Still, it's like, come on. I'm sitting here trying to come up with a gift to top all gifts, and you come in and shake your head at me? That ain't right.
>Panel 6 (Shot 3-14)
Melissa: Okay, you're right. I'm sorry for that.
>Panel 1
Melissa: But come on, how many times do I have to tell you?
>Panel 2
Melissa: I.
>Panel 3
Melissa: Don't.
>Panel 4
Melissa: Want.
>Panel 5
Melissa: Anything.
>Panel 6 (Shot 3-15)
Melissa: So... will you please please please please-
>Panel 1
Melissa: PLEASE just give it a rest already?
>Panel 2
Mike: Oh, I suppose I...
>Panel 3
Mike: Wait a minute...
*Snap*
Mike: OF COURSE! Why didn't I think of that before!
Melissa: Oh no...
>Panel 4 (Shot 3-16)
Mike: Oh, YES! Since you'll never tell me directly, I'll just have to find* (misspell on page) out by getting in your head.
>Panel 5
Mike: And what better way than doing it LITERALLY!
>Panel 6 (Shot 3-17)
Melissa: That's a bogus idea and I want no part of it.
Mike: Yeah I know. That's why I'm doing it!
>Panel 1
(Tilt up)
Melissa: Gah!
>Panel 2
(No dialogue)
>Panel 3
*Stretch*
>Panel 4
(No dialogue)
>Panel 5
*Poof*
>Panel 6 (Shot 4-1)
(No dialogue)
>Panel 1 (Shot 4-2)
*Land*
>Panel 2 (Shot 4-3)
Melissa: Great. So you managed to get me into my own head. Which makes no sense AT ALL because technically it should just be an extension of YOUR imagination,
>Panel 3 (4-4)
Melissa: So you won't be able to find anything here you couldn't find in your own-
Mike: Nonsense. I think you underestimate the power of my imagination.
>Panel 4
Mike: Or should I say, my imagination's power to give YOU an imagination.
Melissa: *Sigh* Do you really think I...
>Panel 5
Mike: Why are you in your skunk-cat form?
>Panel 6 (Shot 4-5)
Mike: Because I wanted to fit in.
>Panel 1
Mike: That and because it's AWESOME.
>Panel 2 (Shot 4-6)
Melissa: *Shrug* Fair enough.
>Panel 3
Melissa: Still, if I'm as sharp as you seem to think I am, I would hide any thoughts or hints for gifts if I knew you were looking for them.
>Panel 4 (Shot 4-7)
Mike: Oh I know. Finding them will be half the fun.
>Panel 5
Mike: TRANSPORT!
*Zoom out to*
>Panel 6
*POOF*
>Panel 1 (Shot 4-8)
Mike: Oooh...
>Panel 2
*Door open*
>Panel 3 (Shot 4-9)
Melissa: Uh... maybe I should drive. You don't know your way around.
>Panel 4 (Shot 4-10)
Mike: Eh, I'll figure it out.
>Panel 5 (Shot 4-11)
*Door close*
Melissa: *Sigh*
>Panel 6 (Shot 4-12)
*Door close*
Mike: Off we go!
>Panel 1 (Shot 4-13)
*Vroom vroom*
>Panel 2
*SCREEEEEEEEEEE*
>Panel 3 (Shaky cam)
*CRASH*
(Quick tilt up to...)
>Panel 4
(No dialogue)
>Panel 5 (Shot 4-14)
Mike: Okay. That's new.
>Panel 6
Melissa: See what I mean? Things in my head won't work like you expect, even in your own imagination.
Mike: Well, that's true for driving, anyways.
>Panel 1
*Poof*
>Panel 2 (Shot 4-15)
*Poof*
>Panel 3
Mike: Let's try something else...
>Panel 4
Mike: SNEEP CAT!
>Panel 5 (Shot 4-16)
*Screee*
Melissa: Sneep Cat?
>Panel 6 (Shot 4-17)
Mike: You know, like Scraps the Cat. Only Sneep Cat.
Melissa: Ah. Of course.
>Panel 1 (Shot 5-1)
(No dialogue)
>Panel 2
*Tail wag*
>Panel 3 (Shot 5-2)
Sneep Cat: Hello, Michael. Hello, Melissa. Where would you like me to take you?
>Panel 4 (Shot 5-3)
Mike: Take me to Melissa's innermost desires!
>Panel 5 (Shot 5-4)
Sneep Cat: I can't take you there.
>Panel 6
Sneep Cat: I don't have clearance from my boss...
>Panel 1 (Shot 5-5)
Melissa: Damn right you don't!
>Panel 2
*Pppppppthpth*
Mike: That's total bogusnes. *Sigh* Fine. Take me to one of Melissa's memories.
>Panel 3 (Shot 5-6)
Sneep Cat: ...Which one?
>Panel 4 (Shot 5-7)
Mike: I dunno, doesn't matter.
>Panel 5 (Shot 5-8)
Sneep Cat: Uh... okay. Yes it does-
>Panel 6 (Shot 5-9)
Mike: Don't get snippy with me, Sneep Cat! Just go to a memory!
>Panel 1 (Shot 5-10)
Sneep Cat: *Sigh*
>Panel 2 (Shot 5-11)
*Zoom!*
>Panel 3 (Shot 5-12)
Melissa: What, do you think you'll find something in my memory bank that you wouldn't know about?
>Panel 4
Melissa: You do realize that like 99.9% of my memories involve you being around, right?
>Panel 5 (Shot 5-13)
Mike: Yeah, well... maybe if I reexamine all the memories I'll discover something new.
>Panel 6
Mike: Maybe some cryptic code. Yeah! Like the 2nd word of every 3rd sentence is a hidden-
>Panel 1 (Shot 5-14)
Melissa: Oh boy, you've lost it. Come on, let's not doo this anymore.
>Panel 2 (Shot 5-15)
*Screee*
Mike: Too late, looks like we're here.
Sneep Cat: No, not this one.
>Panel 3 (Shot 6-1)
*Inch*
Sneep Cat: Okay, everybody out.
>Panel 4 (Shot 6-2)
Melissa: Nope, not gonna find anything here.
Mike: When was this?
>Panel 5 (Shot 6-3)
Melissa: This was the time you were all depressed and we accidentally went to your darker place.
(Zoom into...)
>Panel 6
Past Mike: MAN, EVERYTHING SUCKS! I SHOULD GO LISTEN TO PANIC! AT THE DISCO TO EXPRESS MY MISERY!!!
Past Melissa: Naw, don't do that. You should just let me comfort you-
Past Mike: NO WAY MAN! I'M GONNA BE MISERABLE ALL THE TIME BECAUSE I SECRETLY LIKE IT!!!
(Zoom out to...)
>Panel 1
Past Mike: BLEARGH!!!!!!!!!!
*Flailing*
>Panel 2 (Shot 6-4)
Mike: Panic at the Disco? I HATE Panic at the Disco!
>Panel 3
Melissa: Well, you know, I do tend to forget some of the minute details...
>Panel 4
Melissa: So I do mad libs for the rest. Check it out!
>Panel 5 (Shot 6-5)
Past Mike: Guess what?
>Panel 6 (Shot 6-6)
Past Mike: I'm not going to listen to you an I'm going to take us to our darker place.
Past Melissa: Naw, don't do that. Just lemme kiss your face.
>Panel 1 (Shot 6-7)
Past Mike: NEVER!!! SADNESS RULES!!!
>Panel 2
*Vacuum*
>Panel 3
Mike and Melissa: AAAAAAAAAAAAA
>Panel 4
(No Dialogue)
>Panel 5
*Poof*
>Panel 6 (Shot 7-1)
Past Mike: DAMN IT, I HATE ALL THE BUBBLES!
>Panel 1 (Shot 7-2)
Mike: Y'know, I don't remember my darker place being so... bright.
Melissa: Hmm... come to think of it, you're right.
>Panel 2
Melissa: Let me fix that...
>Panel 3 (Shot 7-3)
(The overall hue darkens by like 5%)
>Panel 4 (Shot 7-4)
Melissa: Better?
Mike: Uh... you know what? Sure.
>Panel 5 (Shot 7-5)
*Dancing!*
Mike: Wait, what's happening now?
Melissa: What, you don't remember this part?
(Zoom out to...)
>Panel 6
(No dialogue)
Panel 1 (Shot 7-6)
(No dialogue)
Panel 2 (Shot 7-7)
Mike: Melissa, why is the river dancing???
Melissa: It's doing the river dance! Duh.
Panel 3
Mike: UGH!!! *Sigh* Well, clearly it's time to go to a different memory.
Panel 4
Mike: SNEEP CAT!
(Pan left to...)
Panel 5
Sneep Cat: You don't have to yell.
Panel 6 (Shot 7-8)
Mike: Oh. You're still here.
>Panel 1 (Shot 7-9)
Sneep Cat: You never paid.
>Panel 2 (Shot 7-10)
Mike: Oh, right. Whoopsie. Heh. Well...
>Panel 3
Mike: Take me to another memory! One where I'm not around this time.
>Panel 4 (Shot 7-11)
Sneep Cat: *Sigh* Fine.
*Snap* *Poof*
Sneep Cat: Everyone in!
>Panel 5 (Shot 7-12)
(No dialogue)
>Panel 6
Sneep Cat: Get outta here. Get outta here!
>Panel 1
*SLAM*
>Panel 2
*Zoom*
>Panel 3 (Shot 8-1)
*Flash 'n' Brake*
>Panel 4 (Shot 8-2)
Mike: What is this, an occult sabbath?
(Zoom out to...)
>Panel 5
Past Melissa: WE PRAY TO THE ULTIMATE POWER OF MIKE...
>Panel 6 (Shot 8-3)
Past Melissa: THAT YOU MAY RETURN FROM THE LAND OF THE VIKINGS AS SOON AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN!
>Panel 1 (Shot 8-4)
(No dialogue)
>Panel 2
*SPLAT*
Past Melissa: HAHAHAHAHAHA
>Panel 3
*TACKLE*
Past Melissa: BLEAGH!!!
>Panel 4 (Shot 8-5)
(No dialogue)
>Panel 5
Melissa: Heh... well, this didn't seem that weird at the time...
>Panel 6
Melissa: Alright, this isn't what we came here to see, was it? Can we go now?
Mike: *Sigh* Okay.
>Panel 1 (Shot 8-6)
Mike: SNEEP CAT-
Sneep Cat: God, WHAT???
Mike: Another memory!
>Panel 2 (Shot 8-7)
Sneep Cat: No. I'm not going anywhere until you give me some money.
>Panel 3 (Shot 8-8)
Mike: Ugh, fine.
(Pan to...)
>Panel 4
*Flip*
(Pan to...)
>Panel 5
*Catch*
>Panel 6 (Shot 8-9)
(No dialogue)
>Panel 1 (Shot 8-10)
(No dialogue)
(Zoom into...)
>Panel 2
Sneep Cat: WHAT, DO YOU THINK THIS IS A JOKE? I NEED REAL MONEY!!!
>Panel 3 (Shot 8-11)
Mike: Well... I can't... do that.
>Panel 4 (Shot 8-12)
(No dialogue)
>Panel 5
Sneep Cat: I see...
*Pat pat*
>Panel 6 (Shot 8-13)
*Door open*
>Panel 1
*SLAM*
>Panel 2
*Vroom* *Crash*
(Zoom into...)
>Panel 3 (Shot 9-1)
Mike and Melissa: YEARGH!!!
*Wind tunnel*
>Panel 4 (Shot 9-2)
Melissa: NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!!!
>Panel 5 (Shot 9-3)
Mike: WHAT I'VE DONE??? MELISSA, NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU JUST TOLD ME WHAT YOU WANTED FOR YOUR ANNIVERSARY!!!
>Panel 6 (Shot 9-4)
Melissa: WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO JUST ACCEPT THE FACT THAT I DON'T WANT YOU TO DO ANYTHING FOR ME??? IF I DID, I WOULD HAVE JUST TOLD YOU UP FRONT, "HEY, MIKE, THIS WOULD BE A SWELL THING TO DO!" YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT!
>Panel 1 (Shot 9-5)
Mike: YEAH, BUT... I JUST WANTED TO SHOW YOU THAT I THINK YOU'RE WORTH DOING SOMETHING* (omission in original) EXTRAORDINARY FOR OR SOMETHING. BECAUSE YOU TOTALLY ARE!
>Panel 2 (Shot 9-6)
Melissa: DANG IT, I KNOW YOU THINK THAT! I TOLD YOU LIKE A HUNDRED MILLION TIMES! YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME OR SHOW ME!
>Panel 3 (Shot 9-7, slow zoom in to face, eyes quivering)
Melissa: I SEE IT IN YOUR EYES WHENEVER YOU LOOK AT ME! I HEAR IT IN YOUR VOICE WHENEVER YOU TALK TO ME! I FEEL IT WHEN YOU CUDDLE WITH ME BEFORE BED! AND YOU KNOW, I DO HAVE ACCESS TO ALL YOUR THOUGHTS!
>Panel 4 (Shot 9-8, eyes quivering)
Melissa: JUST KNOWING THAT IS A BETTER GIRT THAN ANYTHING YOU COULD PHYSICALLY DO OR GIVE TO ME!
>Panel 5 (Shot 9-9)
Mike: YEAH, BUT... ISN'T THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO TO MAKE YOU EVEN HAPPIER?
>Panel 6 (Shot 9-10)
Melissa: TELL YOU WHAT. DO YOU WANNA SEE MY HAPPY PLACE?
Mike: YES!!! WHY DIDN'T I JUST THINK OF THAT BEFORE???
>Panel 2 (Shot 9-12)
Melissa: PROBABLY BECAUSE I DIDN'T THINK OF ONE UNTIL JUST NOW!
>Panel 3
Melissa: HAPPY PLACE!!!
>Panel 4 (Shot 10-1, white)
*Vortex stops*
(Fade to...)
>Panel 5 (Shot 10-2)
Mike (OS): What?
>Panel 6 (Shot 10-3)
Mike: This is your happy place?
Melissa: Yep. Look familiar? It should.
Mike: But... you... I...
Melissa: Yep.
>Panel 1 (Shot 10-4)
Mike: No, this can't be it. Where's the magical forest crawling with furries and freaks?
>Panel 2 (Shot 10-5)
Melissa: I don't need none'a that.
>Panel 3
Melissa: I'm fine just hangin' out with you. So do you believe me now?
>Panel 4 (Shot 10-6)
Mike: *Sigh* Well, I may not be able to get you a fantastic anniversary present, but I can do that at least.
>Panel 5 (Shot 10-7, eyes quivering)
Melissa: That's all I wanted.
>Panel 6 (Shot 10-8)
(No dialogue)
>quiver quiver
>Panel 1
*Skunk form fades into human form*
>Panel 2
Mike: Aw man...
>Panel 3
*Smooch*
>Panel 4
(No dialogue)
(Cross fade to...)
>Panel 5 (Shot 11-1)
*Lick*
Mike: I love you, Melissa.
>Panel 6
*Return lick*
Melissa: I love you too, Mike. Thanks for the best anniversary ever.
Mike: Only so far.
>Panel 1
Mike: And if you think it's good now...
>Panel 2 (Shot 11-2)
Melissa: What? Whad'ya got there?
>Panel 3 (Shot 11-3)
Mike: Well, I know you didn't want anything, but I HAVE to give you something.
>Panel 4
Mike: So, Melissa, I got you a... thingy...
>Panel 5
*Sparkle sparkle*
>Panel 6 (Shot 11-4, eyes quivering)
Melissa: Oh my god...
>Panel 1 (Shot 11-5)
Mike: Melissa... will you marry me-
Melissa: Yes, yes, YES!!!
>Panel 2
*SMOOCH SMOOCH SMOOCH SMOOCH SMOOCH*
>Panel 3 (Shot 11-6)
Melissa: So, was this your plan the whole time? Distract me with your "perfect gift" idea so you could ambush me with the question?
Mike: Uh... sure. Sort of...
Melissa: You totally just thought this up now, didn't you?
Mike: Yeah, I totally did.
>Panel 4
Melissa: Whatever.
*Smooch*
>Panel 5
Mike: So whad'ya get me?
>Panel 6
(Freeze frame, fade characters to silhouette, roll credits)
THE END
== Trivia ==
* Mike wrote in the script that in the credits Can't Escape My Love by Enrique Iglesias should play.
* There weren't 20 other episode scripts planned, Mike just wrote them out of order and put 22 as a placeholder for when this episode would be made
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Category:Episodes
Category:Lost Content
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