Horror Shift

Cast
Om Nom - Spongebob
Dudley - Squidward
Elsa - Mr.Krabs
Etain/Hector - The Hash Slinging Slasher
Eva - Patrick
Transcript
Ah,McDonalds. Charactown's premier daytime eatery. Where it will be closing time right about...
Dudley:Now! 8:00! So long,Suckers! I've got a hot date with: Intelligence. (Pinkie Pie appears) What?
Pinkie Pie:Are you open?
Dudley:Read the sign.
Pinkie Pie:I'll have a Big Mac Deluxe and a poutine.
Dudley:No,you won't! I can't hang out here all night! I've got a life!
Pinkie Pie:Well,fine! If you don't want my Money!
Elsa:MONEY?! (She falls on Elsa) You mean,if we stayed open later,you give us your money?
Pinkie Pie:Sure.
Elsa:Mr.Dudley...Welcome to the Night Shift! From Now on,McDonalds is open 24 hours a day!
Dudley:WHAT?! (The crowd rushes in)
Om Nom:Wow! Now we never have to stop working!
Dudley:Mrs.Elsa...
Elsa:See you in the morning,Boys! I can't hang out here all night! I've got a life! (She leaves)
Om Nom:Isn't this great,Dudley? Just you and me together for hours and hours and hours, and then the sun'll come up and it'll be tomorrow and we will still be working! Gasp! It'll be just like a sleepover! Only we'll be sweaty and we'll be covered with grease! (He jumps to the cash register) Are you ready to rock,Dudley?
Dudley:No.
Om Nom:Good! Cause we've got customers!
Dudley:Here. Please hit me as hard as you can.
Om Nom:Psst. Dudley! I'm working at the kitchen...(Laughs)...at night!
Dudley:Don't hold back.
Om Nom:Hey Dudley! Guess what! I'm chopping lettuce! At night! (He's sliding in the bathroom) Look at me,I'm swabbing the bathroom! At night! (He picks up his spatula but hurts himself) OW!!! I BURNED MY HAND!!! At night! Night,night,night,night,night,night,night,night,night,night,night,night...N-n-n-ight,night,night...NIGHT!!!!!!!!!
Dudley:WILL YOU PLEASE?! Here,give me a moment's peace and take out the trash!
Om Nom:Alright! Taking out the trash! Taking out the trash,at nigh...You mean outside?
Dudley:That's where the dumpster is,yes.
Om Nom:I don't know,Dudley,it's kinda dark out there.
Dudley:I thought you liked the night shift.
Om Nom:...You're right. For Perkins! (He runs,puts the trash away and goes back into Perkins,panting) Piece of Cake.
Dudley:So,you're not afraid?
Om Nom:Pfft. Nah!
Dudley:Well I am. And especially after...well,you know.
Om Nom:What? What do I know?
Dudley:You don't remember? He was all over the news!
Om Nom: Tell me! Tell me!
Dudley:No,no,no,no. I probably shouldn't. It would ruin the night shift for you.
Om Nom:What happens? What happens? What happens?
Dudley:You mean you've never heard the story of the...Hash-Slinging Etain Slasher?
Om Nom:The Slash-Bringing Etain Hasher?
Dudley:The Hash-Slinging Etain Slasher!
Om Nom:The Sash-Ringing,The Trash-Singing,Mash-Flinging,The Flash-Stringing,Ringing,The Crash-Dinging,Duh...
Dudley:Yes. The Hash-Slinging Etain Slasher. But! Most people just call her the Ha-WOAAH! Because that's all they have time to say! Before...she...GETS THEM!
Om Nom:TELL ME THE STORY!
Dudley:Years ago,at this very resturant,The Hash-Slinging Etain Slasher used to be a fry cook. Just Like...You. Only Clumsier. And then,one night,when she was cutting the patties,it happened.
Om Nom:She forgot the secret sauce?
Dudley:No.
Om Nom:She didn't wash her hands?
Dudley:No.
Om Nom:Irregular Portions?
Dudley:NO! She cut off her own hand by mistake!
Om Nom:You mean like this? Or Like this? Or this? Or this? But what about this? Or this? Or this? Or...
Dudley:Except she wasn't a monster.
Om Nom:So?
Dudley:So it didn't grow back!
Om Nom:OH NO!!!!
Dudley:And she replaced her hand with a rusty spatula. And then,she got hit by a bus! And...at his funeral,they fired her! So,now...What day is it?
Om Nom:Tuesday.
Dudley:Tuesday night,Her ghost returns to McDonalds to wreak her horrible vengeance.
Om Nom:Gasp! But tonight's Tuesday night!
Dudley:Then he'll be coming.
Om nom:How will we know?
Dudley:There are three signs that signal the approach of the Hash-Slinging Etain Slasher. First,the lights will flicker on and off. Next...
Toucan Sam:Dude,can I have some ketchup?
Dudley:Oh. Here you go. Next,the phone will ring and there will be nobody there. And finally,The Hash-Slinging Etain Slasher arrives in the ghost of the bus that ran her over! Then,she exits the bus and crosses the street without looking both ways! Because she's already DEAD! Then,she taps on the window with her greasy spatula hand...
Om Nom:No!
Dudley:She opens the door...She slowly approaches the COUNTER! And do you know what he does next?
Om Nom:What?
Dudley:You really want to know?
Om Nom:What?!
Dudley:Are you sure you want to know?
Om Nom:WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT DOES HE DO?!
Dudley:He gets ya!
Om Nom:Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! (Dudley laughs) Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah!
Dudley:Om Nom,I..
Om Nom:Aah! Aah!
Dudley:Om Nom,I was...
Om Nom:Aah! Aah!
Dudley:I was just...
Om Nom:Aah! Aah!
Dudley:I was just...
Om Nom:Aah! Aah! Aah!
Dudley:OM NOM,I WAS JOKING!
Om Nom:What?
Dudley:It's not true! None of it's true!
Om Nom:It's not?
Dudley:Of course not. Nobody has a spatula for a hand! It was all a lot.
Om Nom:Ohhh. (Laughs multiple times)
(Later,Perkins has an Open Forever sign)
Dudley:(he hears sounds while Om Nom walks and cleans the ceiling)
Om Nom:Isn't this great,Dudley? (Dudley screams) There's never time to wash the ceiling during the day!
Dudley:Open 24 Hours a day! What a stupid idea! Who wants a McChicken at 3 in the morning? (Shows Eva)
Eva:Oh boy,3 AM! (She eats a McChicken)
Dudley:Just look at this place! It's like a ghost town in here. (lights flicker) Very funny,Om Nom.
Om Nom:What?
Dudley:And the lights will flicker on and off, just like the story. I get it! (He sees Om Nom not doing it,and her light switch wasn't moving)
Om Nom:Hey,Dudley,How are you doing that without moving the switch?
Dudley:I'm not doing it,it must be the stupid faulty wiring in here. This place isn't built to run 24 hours a day! (phone rings) What? What? Hello! Hello? Hello?
Om Nom:Nice try,Dudley.
Dudley:Nice try what?
Om Nom:The phone will ring and there will be no one there. (giggles) You crack me up!
Dudley:Om Nom,I'm not doing this! Ok,calm down Dudley. First,there was the lights...(The lights flicker)...then the phone...(phone rings)...then,the walls will ooze green slime! No. Wait. They always do that. But what was that third thing? (A bus arrives)
Om Nom:I didn't know the bus had ran this late!
Dudley:They don't. (Shows a woman getting out of the bus)
Om Nom:Well they're dropping someone off. (The woman looks at them)
Dudley:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! The Sash-Ringing! The Flash-Singing! The Fash-Pinging...
Om Nom:The Hash-Slinging Etain Slasher! (cries)
Dudley:At last you understand! We're doomed!
Om Nom:No. That's not it. I am so touched that you would go through the trouble to dress up as a ghostly woman and stand on the other side of the street, just to entertain me. You must really like me!
Dudley:Om Nom,there are two problems with your theory. One,I hate you. And Two,How can that be me when I'm standing right here?! (The woman taps)
Om Nom:AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Om Nom and Dudley:The Hash-Slinging Etain Slasher!!! (The woman comes in)
Dudley:Om Nom,No matter what I said,I always sort of liked you.
Om Nom:Dudley,I used your chew toy to unclog my toilet.
Dudley:Huh? (They both scream and the woman revealed to be a male bird)
Hector:Can I have a job application? I brought my own spatula. I called here earlier but I hung up 'cause I was nervous.
Om Nom:Do you have references?
Dudley:Wait,if that was you on the phone,and you on the bus...Then who was flickering the lights? (The lights flickered and it's revealed to be Nosferatu)
Om Nom,Dudley and Hector:Nosferatu! (Nosferatu smiles)
The End