Heart Attack

One of the most feared sicknesses of all time, heart attack is the result of a sickly constitution. Preventive medicine is best. A healthy constitution must be fomented by a varied, healthy diet. Eat plenty of rare red meat, liver, pork, eggs cream, cheeses, and fried foods; supplement this with homegrown vegetables such as potatoes, corn and peas; pure white bread for liver; and fruits when available (however, be warned: fruits may contain worms and other impurities and should only be eaten sparingly).
In the event of a heart attack, the victim may feel shooting pains in the left arm and centralized pain in the chest. The patient should immediately grasp the wrist to feel the pulse, breath shallowly, turn pale, sweat, and say, "Oh, no! I'm coming, Esther!" over and over in order to stay awake. Crumpling to the floor is optional. After a period of panic, bed rest is prescribed, accompanied by heavy dosages of self-recrimations for an unhealthy lifestyle.