Essential Business

"Essential Business" is the fifth episode of Season 3 of Life in Bikini Bottom, and the 34th overall.
==Characters==
TBA
==Synopsis==
In a plan to get more people to vote for Biden in the upcoming election, Trump releases the coronavirus into Bikini Bottom. When Sheldon Bastard finds himself responsible for it, he decides to mandate a quarantine in order to stunt Kraps's business and keep him in power.
==Plot==
The episode begins with an outside shot of Trump and Biden’s facility. We see several shots of security cameras along the property, and a detour sign signalling cars to go around it. One person, innocuously just going for a walk, is stopped by a militia, all holding guns in front of the building. He puts up his hands, as the militia point their guns down and Leader Bastard uses a grapple to move him out. We see the guy try a new approach. “You know, sir, there is one way I can make this up to you…” Bastard slaps him. “No perversion,” he says. “Damn, for a small guy, you have a big slap.” “You’re still being a pervert,” Bastard reminds, as we finally move into the building, where multiple robots are at work, filing papers and checking cameras. Donald Trump and Joe Biden round the corner, in conversation, presumably in deliberation of last episode’s suspense. 
“Joe, some risks just have to be taken,” Trump says. “For example, I’ve taken a lot of risks when it comes to my sex life.” Biden pulls out a notepad, nodding and telling him to keep going “Uh huh, uh huh,” he repeats as Trump makes a stop at a control panel. “But before we do this, I need to check up on my lads over at Area 51,” he says, while typing in a code. A computer access screen reads that access is granted to the cameras, as we now see a shot of Sully and X’s cell. “These are the delinquents that escaped from the raid. Remember Joe, the only place you’re allowed to raid is the capitol building.” “Are you suggesting…” Biden asks, before Trump silences him. We cut to the outside, where SpongeCock is inching past the security installation and looking into a window. “Alright, let’s do this quick so I can pick Fatsimp back up from the furry. Damn, they look sad in that cell,” SpongeCock notes, as he takes a picture. “This will be good evidence, surely.” However, he soon gets launched from a trap door that’s on the lawn of the building, with a computer voice saying “NO TRESPASSERS ALLOWED!” As he launches in the air, ComputerBitch 5000 jumps out of the screen and chuckles. “I LOVE my day job!” she says, as she retreats back.
“Alright Donny, but where’s this ‘great plan’ that you keep on insisting you have?,” Joe asks, impatiently. “Oh right. That. Well, come this way.” Trump hits a button on a remote that opens a door marked as secret. Biden follows him in as Trump shuts the door behind him, as well as enough one that says “Big Titty Boy.” “So Joey, do you remember why we moved down here in the first place?” Joe thinks for a second, then shrugs. “Well, to jog your memory, I uh… uh… hm. You know what, it was probably? No… the sewers down here… look, I’m sure-” They get cut off by Pence, who starts to catch up to them. “We moved down here in fear of the virus, sir. Besides, why are you talking to that guy?” He says, pointing at Biden. “His cock is nice and veiny, trust me.” “Donald, I told you that homosexuality was bad!” Pence swings his fist. “Don’t make me electrocute you.” “Nonsense, Jesus boy,” Trump shoots back. “So yeah, as my damn fool vice president reminded me, we moved down here because of the coronavirus. Say, speaking of which, how would you like to split one later?” We hear SpongeCock, who has made his way back to the window and screeches “Me!” before being launched again as he screams in agony. 
“Nevermind,” Trump continues. “Anywho, we brought a highly contained sample of the COVID-19 virus down here. Or, at least my scientists did. I don’t even know what COVID stands for. But this isn’t English class, this is we’re gonna kill a lot of people along the way but who cares because I don’t like my job anyway.” Biden clenches his eyes. “Uh, Donny, you’re not suggesting that we’re gonna release the virus here, are you?” “What? Of course I am. Why else would I have brought it down here? It’s clear that these people are gonna vote for me no matter what I do. So let’s make sure that people vote for you after seeing that I can’t end a pandemic to save my life,” Trump urges. “That Sheldon doesn’t know what’s coming to him.” Biden nods, and seems to agree. “Just one thing. Not everyone will have access to free healthcare during this pandemic, correct?” Trump chuckles. “You know me, Joe. If you want healthcare, you have to be a rich white guy.” “Alright, deal!” Biden says in excitement.
Donald Trump: I’m going down to Bikini Bottom, gonna grab myself a pussy!
SpongeCock + Shitward: Fascism is everywhere, you don’t know what you got into!
Joe Biden: I’m going down to Bikini Bottom, gonna sniff myself some hair.
Fatprick: I was gonna take a shit, the government is tryna stop me!
Bernie Sanders: I’m going down to Bikini Bottom, let’s have Medicare for All!
Gory: Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow!
Mr. Kraps: They just took all of me money…
Sheldon Bastard: So come on down to Bikini Bottom, because you’ll be my slave here!
					AT THE CUM BUCKET
Leader Bastard is sitting on his throne, watching TV while being massaged by ComputerBitch 5000. “A little extra on the back, babe,” he requests, “today was a long day.” “Long day? I had to go be the security camera at Trump’s place, whereas all you did was whip a bunch of people while they were making your statue.” “Look, I have no time for your nagging,” Sheldon barks. “Too late,” she responds. This bickering leads to Ronnie Snickersnee coming on the screen for a news flash. 
“BREAKING NEWS! If you’re out and about, you might want to rush home right away. We have a medical report that a Bikini Bottom has been diagnosed with COVID-19. We bring you over to the Bikini Bottom Hospital for the news.” It then cuts to Bubble Ass and Dr. Nick at the hospital, both wearing masks. “Thanks, Ronnie,” Bubble Ass responds. “I’m joined here by Dr. Nick, who has just diagnosed the first patient in Bikini Bottom to suffer from COVID-19.” “That’s right!” Nick responds. “Hooplass over here [cuts to Hooplas while he’s speaking] came in here with a huge cough, loss of senses, and he’s green!” Hooplas looks up at the camera and shouts “Hey, I always gre-” He gets cut off by him choking, as he lets out a HOOPLA before he flatlines. “HUH!” Dr. Nick and Bubble Ass both shout. “HOOPLASS DIED OH GOD OH FUCK!” “Well,” Dr. Nick continues, as if nothing happened, “better leave before Bastard cuts all of our funding.” Bubble Bass nods as the news flash ends.
“Pfft,” Sheldon reacts, “that’s ridiculous. I already cut their funding.” “No, babe,” ComputerBitch scolds him. “You let a virus into Bikini Bottom. You’re gonna kill so many people! God, you might go down as even worse than Titler.” Sheldon rolls his eyes, making fun of ComputerBitch. “You say that like it’s a bad thing. Hell, you’re making me sound even cooler than I am, I don’t even know how this virus got here. But you’re right, I should use your advice and use it to get what I want.” “That’s NOT what I-” “Already on it, baby!” Leader Bastard raises a platform and pokes out off the top of the Cum Bucket, turning on a megaphone.
Before he says anything, we cut to SpongeCock in his car, driving Fatprick back from Assy’s treedome. “Well, how was it?” “Very torturous, but so fucking hot,” he reassures, as we see a quick montage of Fatprick at Assy’s treedome. The room in her tree is revealed to be a BDSM sex dungeon, and we Fatprick tied to a bed as Assy crawls on top. “You’ve been a naught boy, Fatprick.” “Oh YE!” “So bad, but so good.” We hear Assy ripping off her bra, and it cuts to Patrick being delighted. Before we see anymore, though, it cuts back the present, where SpongeCock sighs. “Well, I guess that’s better than me, just a no-pussy getting simp.” Then out of nowhere, we hear Bastard screeching in his megaphone, with the feedback causing SpongeCock to crash. “Goddamnit, this was new!” They both slide out, rubbing themselves clean as Bastard continues. “ATTENTION BIKINI BOTTOMITES! I, your ruler, demand yourself to quarantine immediately!” SpongeCock looks at Fatprick confused. Bastard continues his speech as we randomly cut to Fricky and Scotty with Antifa. “You all must follow social distancing guidelines, and even better, most of you will be OUT OF A JOB! More time to admire me, your oh so great ruler.” “WHAT?!” Fricky and Scotty react, as Mrs. Puss looks down in despair. “I see they’re trying to stop the great opposition.” She reaches for her own megaphone, yelling back at Bastard. “Oh yeah? What happens if we don’t.” “IF YOU DON’T, YOU GET SHOT,” he warns. Mrs. Puss drops her megaphone and tells the boys that they’re on their own, then hops on her bike and rides off fast.
“So yeah. That’s all. Now go retreat back to your homes and your ugly families,” he taunts one last time, as everyone runs back to their houses and he goes back into the Cum Bucket. “There. If people die, it’s not my fault.” “Great,” ComputerBitch 5000. “Just what this town needs. An irresponsible tyrant. Besides, how do you even benefit from this.” “Well, no one will try to stop me, for one,” Sheldon says. “But even better is the fact that a certain SOMEONE’s business will take a turn for the worst.” “Oh yeah? You’re doing this whole thing out of vengeance?” “Yup. Sounds great, doesn’t it,” Sheldon boasts, as he starts to do a dance.” ComputerBitch sighs. “Whatever. Who is this guy, anyway?” “Oh, you’ll see. But just for a hint, he’s red, fat, acts like he’s an anti-pedophile, and my lifelong rival.”
This leads onto the Krusty Kock, where we see Kraps and Shitward, standing there while simply looking around. “What’s the meaning of this? We’ve been open for, like, hours, and no one even came. AND WHERE THE HELL IS SPONGECOCK?!” He asks, picking up and slamming Shitward in rage. “SIR!” He yells back, as Mr. Kraps apologizes. “Sorry. But what is it?” Out of nowhere, we see a yellow liquid stream hit his back as he jumps up and shrieks, but the camera zooms out to show that it’s Pissing Pearl. “Oops, sorry daddy.” “Pearl!” Kraps shouts. “What’s going on here?” “Didn’t you hear? There’s this virus going around. And Bastard is saying that if we don’t quarantine, he’ll shoot us!” “WHAT?! That green midget can’t tell me what I can and can’t do,” Kraps says. “Trump, however, he can tell me to do anything and I’ll listen.” Kraps then gets a call on his cell from Trump. “Hey, Trump, buddy! How’s it going.” Trump is seen on the phone sitting next to Biden. “Kraps, do whatever the hell you want. He gets the blame for it anyway.” “But Don,” Joe questions, “Isn’t this to blame y-” “NO QUESTIONS!” Trump sets straight. “Well,” Kraps says, as he steps outside. “Bastard poses no-” He says this as he nearly gets shot by a laser, causing him to jump back into the Krusty Kock. “Oops. I guess he wasn’t kidding.” 
				SPONGECOCK’S PINYAPPLE
We see SpongeCock entering his house as Fatprick is right behind him. “Fatprick, go quarantine at your rock that you never use.” “WHAT?! Then I’ll be lonely!” “Exactly,” SpogeCock rolls his eyes. “SpongeCock, you can’t expect me to take a shit and guzzle down ice cream cake and keep it myself, can you? PLEASE let me quarantine with you.” SpongeCock sighs and facepalms. “Fine, but under one condition. You can’t go see Assy anymore. Remember, Fricky’s a kid, he can’t catch something like this.” Fatprick is already diving into an ice cream cake as he nods his head. “Alright. Who needs Assy when you have ice cream cake anyway?” SpongeCock ignores him and opens the door, seeing Fricky on the couch alone. “DAD! I need you,” he yells. “I have to do online school from now on! Even worse, I can’t hang out with Antifa homies! EVEN SCOTTY!” SpongeCock comforts him. “Listen bud, we’re gonna get through this together.” Fricky leers away and whispers “yeah, if only mom were here too.” “What was that?” SpongeCock says, overhearing him. “Uh, don’t worry about it.” “Well, it’ll just be us four,” he says, while picking up Gory. “We can make it through.” “Oh, but don’t forget me,” we hear Kraps voice saying from off the screen.”
“MR. KRAPS?!” SpongeCock shrieks, as Kraps comes down the stairs in the living room. “Hey there, boyyo. My daughter snuck me in and dropped me off here. I knew you could help me.” SpongeCock waves his arms, backing up. “Mr. Kraps, you can’t be here! You heard the fascist, we all need to quarantine. We already have enough people here!” “But boy, you don’t understand. This is gonna hit me hard. In fact, it’ll hit you hard too! Think about all the money you’re gonna miss out on from not working at the Krusty Kock!” SpongeCock shakes his head. “Mr. Kraps, you barely pay me anything.” “Uh… well… alright I was just trying to convince you, my point is business is gonna flop! Nothing is going in our favor, SpongeCock.” “Your favor,” SpongeCock corrects. Mr. Kraps starts to breakdown, banging the floor in despair, and sobs uncontrollably. SpongeCock shoots a glance at Fatprick, sighing. “Alright. I guess I can let you quarantine here. After all, maybe we can still make it through this without any issues.” Kraps stops sobbing and soon gets a grin on his face. He hugs SpongeCock tight, as he feels uncomfortable. “Alright not that tight, NOT THAT TIGHT!” He finally lets him go, sas SpongeCock now looks more compressed. “Oops. My claws are a little happy, that’s all.” “Then do what I do…” Fricky starts, before SpongeCock calls him out.
We cut to the next morning at the Pinyapple, where SpongeCock is waking up at 10am. He gets out of bed, puts on a pair of Yeezy slides, and goes downstairs. He lights a blunt as he makes his way down to the coffee machine, pouring himself some. Out of nowhere, though, Kraps appears behind him, scaring him and causing him to drop his mug on his foot. “That’ll be 20 bucks for coffee, Mr. SquarePants,” he yells, as SpongeCock is hurt from the heat of the coffee. “What the hell, Mr. Kraps? How can you charge me for my own damn coffee?” “It’s an investment,” he says, before SpongeCock just sighs again. He grabs a 20 from his pocket to pay him off, as Kraps holds it in his hands with glee. “Pleasure doing business with you,” Kraps says pleasantly. “Alright, we all now how the next couple segments are gonna go, so I better call you out on your bullshit NOW.” Kraps takes this as a warning and immediately looks up at him “Huh?” “You know what I’m talking about, Mr. Kraps. I’m letting you QUARANTINE here, not rob me of my life savings.” “Well, why not both,” Kraps inquires. “NO! You can’t. If you want to make money, find your own goddamn way to do it. I can’t afford to give you everything.” “Too late. You already did.” “What are you talking about?” Kraps shows a bag of money. “Thanks for the donation, SpongeCock. SpongeCock starts to rage as we see Fatprick walk in from the background. “Uh, SpongeCock? I know we made the deal, but can’t i just go to Assy’s once?” “NO! I’m sick of this. And I’ll take THAT,” SpongeCock responds, grabbing his money back and heading back upstairs. “Hm. He’s just playing hard to get,” Fatprick informs Mr. Kraps, as he rolls his eyes.
				AT THE PRESIDENTIAL HIDEOUT
We see Trump lounging back in his chair with a bag of chips in his hand, reminiscent to the scene in “Leader Bastard” where he does the same. Biden is across the room, taking a nap. This scene continues for about 30 seconds before Trump inhales, about to say something. “Oh shit, Joe, they cut back to us. What do we do?” Biden wakes up. “Uhh…” and then falls back asleep. “Alright, well…” A news flash then appears on the screen. “BREAKING NEWS,” as we see Snickersnee again. “Leader Bastard’s approval rating has decreased by 4% following his shutdown order. Many are calling him out on the move, and thousands of Bikini Bottomites are suffering financially, even after one day in quarantine. More on this later.” Trump raises his hand in celebration. “Perfect…” he says, quickly drifting back to sleep.
				BACK AT THE PINYAPPLE
We see SpongeCock in his bed smoking a blunt of weed. “Fuck, quarantine is boring. I can’t do shit except smoke.” He hits it again, looking at a bag of his stash. “Hm… maybe I can make this more… you know, exciting.” A lightbulb shaped like the official Life in Bikini Bottom dildo (In stores now, at retail for $42.69, shoutout to Bot for already buying 20 of them) appears over SpongeCock’s head as he gets a grin. He rushes downstairs to the kitchen as he turns on his grill and throws a sheet of weed on it. “Now, a little more spice, and….” perfect. He picks up a freshly grilled weed patty, as he puts it in a weed bun and takes a bite. “There we go. Nice weed patty. Even better at home.” He tries to hide it, however, when he hears Kraps rumbling into the kitchen. “SpongeCock! I’ve got it! The plan to get me money.” SpongeCock is trying to protect the patty, knowing that Kraps is gonna see and want to sell it. “Uh… what is it Mr. Kraps.” He pulls out a pack of condoms, pulling one out and sliding it over his pointy nose. “So, you know how we’re in the midst of an awful pandemic, right?” “Uh… yes, you remind me of that everyday when I see you in my house.” Kraps nods. “And everyone knows how masks suck. So here’s a condom mask. It’ll make it fun!” SpongeCock facepalms. “Does that thing cover your mouth?” “Of course not,” Kraps replies. “Who do you think makes condoms that big?” “Mr. Kraps, this is supposed to be an invention, is it not?” “Uh… well… I kind of just took a random pack of condoms and put them on my nose,” Kraps admits, as SpongeCock facepalms. “Well, knock yourself out,” SpongeCock says, as Fatprick walks in. 
“So SpongeCock, now can I go see Assy?” “Still no. We can’t take any risks, you know,” SpongeCock says. “Ugh. Fine. Hey, can I have that weed patty though.” “FATPRICK! YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO-” Mr. Kraps’ eyes instantly turn into money symbols. “You made weed patties? Well then boyyo, we’re good after all!” “No no no no… ugh whatever.” SpongeCock shows Kraps the weed patty. “Ah yes, a firm, juicy patty. This will do great numbers, just like the old days, ay boyyo?” “Look, Mr. Kraps,” SpongeCock says. “I don’t want to get into everything right now. Quarantine is boring, yes, but maybe I need this break.” “From what? You’re smoking a ton of weed, that’s all you do anyway. All I’m saying is that maybe, with this, we’ll be back on our feet. I’ll make a dollar, I’ll give you a dime.” “HUH?! Back to my old salary!” SpongeCock says. “It’s a deal.” 
They both shake hands as it cuts to the two outside at a stand in front of the pinyapple. They have a batch of fresh weed patties and are both wearing masks. (Kraps is wearing his condom mask). “Alright, we’ve got a bunch of orders in,” Kraps says. “Are you sure?” “Yeah, look, there’s a car coming right now.” We see the car pull up with Assy in it, who sticks her head out with a dirty mask on. “Assy? You like weed patties?” “Uh, duh I do. Anything weed is my thing. Pfft, if only you knew me the way Fatprick does. Besides, where is he?” We see a shot of Fatprick looking out a window from inside the Pinyapple, as he starts to get pissed. “Fine, SpongeCock. If you won’t let me see her, so be it. I’ll do it myself. He stomps out of his room, packs a bag and starts to sneak out of the Pinyapple behind while they’re completing the transaction. “Alright, I ordered 20 weed patties, and uh, 20 of those condom masks.” “What?” SpongeCock says in shock. “How did you get those to sell? Plus, Assy’s a girl, how does that…” “Perhaps when you get experience in business, you’ll be as successful as me, boy.” Kraps gives her the stuff as she drives away. “Ah, look at that. And you were skeptical of it,” Kraps begins to brag. “Ugh… let’s just not get caught.” SpongeCock says, as Kraps nods. However, Kraps looks up to see Sheldon Bastard in the distance, approaching them. “Uh… SpongeCock? You might wanna see this.” “It can’t be that b-” he then freezes, trying to make sense of this.
“ATTENTION KRAPS AND SPONGECOCK!” We hear in the distance from his portable throne, through a megaphone. “You are violating quarantine.” He then pulls out a massive gun, causing them both to shriek. “AHH! He’s gonna-” “Well, maybe, he’s far enough away that,” Kraps tries to reason before SpongeCock shakes him. “HE’S RIGHT THERE!” both of them abandon the weed patty stand and rush into the pinyapple, dodging every shot, except for one that hits Kraps’ nose, knocking the condom off of it. “GODDAMNIT!” He shouts, as both of them lunge into the pinyapple, finally protecting themselves from Bastard. We quickly cut to Bastard outside, putting his gun away. “Well, they listened. Man, I love my powers,” he says, rolling back away.
SpongeCock and Kraps are back in the pinyapple, as Fricky comes downstairs to ask what happened. “Dad, Krappy Red! What happened?!” SpongeCock catches his breath and takes off his mask. “Well, strict quarantine guidelines happened. But at least we turned somewhat of a profit, you know.” Kraps says. SpongeCock nods his head. “Yeah. Well, I’m sure Fatprick would like a weed patty or too. He’s been begging for them.” SpongeCock grabs a stack while going upstairs, before Fricky stops him. “Uh, I wouldn’t bother looking for him.” “Why’s that, Fricky? Is he taking his signature 3 hour shit?” Fricky shakes his head. “Nah. But he did find a different way to put us all in danger.” Fricky goes over to SpongeCock to whisper in his ear, filling him on Fatprick sneaking out to go see Assy. In the middle of the whisper, SpongeCock starts to freeze his expression, and also shakes. “Dad? Dad? Dad?!” Fricky asks, looking for reassurance, as SpongeCock boils.
We cut to an outside shot of the pinyapple as SpongeCock yells “FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATPRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!,” thus ending the episode.
Category:Life in Bikini Bottom
Category:Life in Bikini Bottom episodes
Category:Episodes
Category:Episode transcripts
Category:Transcripts
Category:2021
Category:2021 Episodes
Category:2021 Transcripts
Category:DanzxvFan8275
Category:Episodes written by DanzxvFan8275
Category:UltraFuse
Category:Spectromite Studios
Category:FireMatch
Category:2020s