Wallace and Gromit: The Wrong Trousers/Transcript

[One morning in a house on West Wallaby Street in England, Gromit was pouring the tea in the cup, putting the bread in the toaster, pushing it down, and then pushing the toaster away. He then gets out of a chair and marks an X on the 12 from the calendar. Today was his birthday. He looks at his watch. Wallace is sleeping in bed. Gromit grabs the delivered envelopes on the carpet, shuffles it up, and walks to the table with a train passing by. He sits in his chair and unboxes an envelope. He opens and closes a music card, then opens the music card, hearing music. Just then, he hears a buzzer ringing by a word saying, "Breakfast." Wallace was in his bed, pressing the button.]
Wallace: It's my turn for breakfast this morning, Gromit. I'd like a three-minute egg...
[Gromit pulls a lever, which raises the bed and reveals a hidden trapdoor underneath.]
Wallace: Whoa! Steady on! (slips down the trapdoor and puts his pants on) Gromit! (lands and sits on his chair)
[The hands put sleeves on and Wallace raises his hands as they put him in his shirt and then he pops his head out.]
Wallace: Ha-ha!
[Gromit then presses a button, shooting jam out from a jar, then the toaster pops out, putting jam on it. The toast lands on a plate and Wallace eats it.]
Wallace: Well, that went as well as could be expected, didn't it? Though I might have to make a small adjustment to the drop. A touch painful on re-entry. (puts the toast in his mouth) Cracking toast, Gromit.
[Gromit continues looking at a newspaper.]
Wallace: (swallows his toast) Any post, was there, perchance?
[Gromit takes the envelopes to Wallace.]
Wallace: Oh, dear, a bit steep! Oh, my goodness! Well, I'll be... They're all bills. Oh, dear, oh dear! We shall have to economise, Gromit. I'll have to let that room out. Oh, dear! 
[He takes a picture frame down, dials the combination on the locker of the safe underneath, and opens it. He takes out a piggy bank, closes the locker, puts the picture frame back up, sits back down, takes the cork out, and shakes the coins out. Only three pennies. They aren’t enough to pay off all those bills.]
Wallace: Oh. Just look at that. I'm down to my last few coppers. And those presents weren't cheap, either.
[Gromit looks at Wallace.]
Wallace: Well, Gromit, let's see what's on the 9:05, shall we? (hears a train tooting) Here she comes now. I wonder what this can be. Happy birthday, chuck! (takes a present to Gromit)
[Gromit opens a present and finds a leash and spikes.]
Wallace: I knew you'd like it. Here, let me help you. (puts spikes around his neck) You look like somebody owns you now. And that's only the first part. Come and look in here.
[In the living room, Gromit finds a present, walking backwards to the dog, who then looks at the tag with an X, saying, "To Gromit, Love Wallace."]
Wallace: I think you'll find this present a valuable addition to our modern lifestyle! 
[He opens the present, revealing it to be a mechanical pair of trousers.]
Wallace: They're Techno Trousers. Ex-NASA. Fantastic for walkies! All you do is attach the lead on here... (puts the leash on Gromit) ...then program in. (pushes some buttons) Walkies, 10 minutes, 20 minutes. (the trousers start shaking) Oops!
[Now activated, the Techno Trousers walk down, dragging Gromit along.]
Wallace: Ha ha ha! Have a nice walk, Gromit!
[We cut outside, with a sign saying, "DOGS MUST BE KEPT ON A LEAD.” In a playground, Gromit climbs up on a slide, having escaped his leash by having the Techno Trousers walking with a stuffed dog instead. As he slides down, we then cut to Wallace, dialing on a calculator.]
Wallace: It's no use prevaricating about the bush.
[We cut back outside with Techno Trousers walking with Gromit, then to Wallace putting a sign saying, "ROOM TO LET. Apply Within." The Techno Trousers throw Gromit into the house, where he is later seen knitting.]
Wallace: (offscreen) Nice walkies, hmm? 
[Gromit rolled his eyes and shook his head. Suddenly, they hear the doorbell ringing.]
Wallace: There's someone at the door, Gromit. (puts the teacup away) I wonder who that could be. 
[He walks to a door and opens it. We hear Wallace speaking to someone offscreen.]
Wallace: (offscreen) Oh, it's about the room, then. Well, that's grand. Er, would you like to come this way and inspect? 
[He then walks in the kitchen while the dog notices a penguin entering the house.]
Wallace: (offscreen) I'm asking 20 a week. (the penguin stares at Gromit) I suppose you like kippers, do you? (the penguin walks up the stairs) Partial to a nice black pudding myself. With bacon, of course. 
[The strange penguin follows Wallace upstairs to a vacant room, looking at Gromit’s room on the way. Inside, the room was decrepit and in disrepair.]
Wallace: I'm sure that we could come to an amicable agreement. As I say, it's a big dangy at present, but it's surprising what a lick of paint'll do, isn't it?
[The picture frame falls down. The penguin then walks into Gromit’s room.]
Wallace: Oh! Er... But I don't think... 
[The penguin starts unpacking his belongings and plays some old music on a radio.]
Wallace: Hmm. Oh. Er, wasn't quite what we had in mind. Wouldn't you like to see? Oh, dear!
[Feathers McGraw dances on the bed.]
Wallace: Look, um... There's something I got to tell you. It's, um, no pets. Does that suit you?
[Feathers McGraw changes the music to Tie a Yellow Ribbon.]
Wallace: Seems pleasant enough. 
[Later, he was covering up the walls of the vacant room with Gromit’s wallpaper.]
Wallace: Cheer up, Gromit. It's surprising what a lick of paint'll do, isn't it? (pounds the paper on the wall)
[Gromit was looking at a book while wearing the Techno Trousers. He puts the right leg up, and the sole of the leg sucks the book to it. He drops it and goes faster to Wallace. He was then climbing up the wall with a paint roller in hand.]
Wallace: Oh! So that's where my braces went! (climbs down)
[Gromit walks on the ceiling and paints it.]
Wallace: Wonderful things, these Techno Trousers. Oh! I'm sorry.
[Feathers McGraw walks to Gromit while he is painting on the ceiling. The penguin stares at the Techno Trousers with mysterious intentions. That night, Gromit was trying to sleep in a bed but couldn’t due to Feathers playing his music. Later, he was trying to sleep on the couch, but the music still played. The dog gets up and knocks on the door, telling Feathers to keep it down. Soon, he was sleeping in the doghouse, wearing earmuffs when he heard a glass break. Then, Feathers McGraw walks in the house, turns off the light, and stops the music. Then, Gromit sniffles. The first night was unbearable for him. The next morning, Gromit was standing by the bathroom down, with Wallace walking downstairs.]
Wallace: Lovely morning, Gromit!
[Downstairs, Gromit eats his cereal while watching the TV. He sees Feathers McGraw bring shoes to Wallace, putting them on.]
Wallace: Oh, thank you very much. That's just grand.
[Gromit looks at the cereal and the TV. He was getting worried. At the front door, the newspaper lands by Gromit, but Feathers McGraw takes the newspaper and hands it to Wallace.]
Wallace: Oh, thank you! (to Gromit) What do you think of that, Gromit, eh? Our playing guest. (laughing)
[Gromit glares at the penguin with jealousy. Later that night, Gromit hears thunder from the doghouse. He then sees Wallace and Feathers having supper together.]
Wallace: Ha ha ha! Nice drop of Bordeaux, this, eh? Here's to paying guests. (they clink their glasses and Feathers drinks his glass) Ahh, more cheese, penguin?  
[This was the last straw for Gromit. If his owner was going to be friends with that penguin, then it’s better for him that his dog left. In the doghouse, Gromit turns the light on, grabs a blanket, brush, bone, and clock, and ties them in a bag. He then looks at a picture frame of him and Wallace, his eyes watering. He turns the light back off and starts walking in the rain.]
Wallace: (offscreen) Good night, penguin. Sleep well! (turns the light off)
[Gromit walks away, looks at the house one last time, and closes the gate. Inside the house, Feathers McGraw looks at Wallace, grabs a book saying, "ELECTRONICS FOR DOGS", uses a screwdriver and whirs it up near the Techno Trousers. The next morning, the clock rings in the trash can, where Gromit peeks out, looks around, and hides back down. We then cut to Wallace, sleeping at home.]
Wallace: That was lovely cheese.
[Suddenly, the bed tilts down, sliding Wallace down and he lands in the Techno Trousers.]
Wallace: It's the wrong trousers! The wrong trousers! What have you done with the controls, Gromit? (looking around, noticing that Gromit isn't there, putting his leg up) Now, that'll do. Hold on a minute. Stop it! Gromit! 
[He walks out of the house in the Techno Trousers that had been moving on their own.]
Wallace: (walks faster) Stop those confounded things! This isn't funny, Gromit! (continues walking faster) The joke's over! Get me out of these trousers! (bounces up and down)
[Meanwhile, Gromit was pointing at a paper saying, "ROOM TO LET REASONABLE TERMS.” He moves his hand away saying, "NO DOGS! APPLY WITHIN.” He shook his head upon noticing a WANTED poster by the paper. On it was a picture of Feathers McGraw with a glove on his head, saying, "WANTED - HAVE YOU SEEN THIS CHICKEN? 1000 REWARD." There was something familiar and fishy about that visiting penguin. Just then, Wallace was running faster in the trousers.]
Wallace: Help! Gromit! (continues running faster) Sorry! (crashes inside a house) Whoa! It's the wrong trousers, Gromit, and they've gone wrong! Stop them, Gromit, stop them! Help me! Help me! Gromit! The wrong trousers have gone haywire! Get me out! Help!
[Gromit looks at Feathers McGraw controlling the Trousers as Wallace walks away and then hops around. Later, Wallace returns to his house, exhausted.]
Wallace: Oh, I'm tired! A good doze. That's what I need, get me strength back. (sits on a bed) What a... What a shocking calam... calam... calamity. (sleeps in bed)
[Feathers McGraw walks away by Wallace. At a cafe, Gromit looks at Feathers McGraw walking away. The dog puts the newspaper and money down and leaves the cafe. In an alleyway, he spies on Feathers McGraw, looking around and walking. The penguin writes in his notebook while Gromit grabs a box to hide under and he walks down. Gromit cuts some eye holes in the box and looks at Feathers McGraw. The penguin was measuring the distance from the ground to the window and used the tape to go up. He measures a window and then goes back down, putting the scale back in. The penguin suddenly stops in his tracks. Feathers McGraw looks at the gang suspiciously, but then walks away by the box, saying, "MEATABIX DOG FOOD." 
Soon, Gromit returned home and entered his room, where Feathers had replaced his wallpaper with his own. Gromit approaches the desk, turns the lamp on, and looks at the paper saying, "CITY MUSEUM DIAMOND EXHIBITION", and the diamond saying, "BLUE DIAMOND." Then, he puts two and two together. Feathers wasn’t here to stay in the empty room. He was here to use Wallace for his diabolical scheme to steal the diamond! Suddenly, he hears the penguin door closing and Feathers approaching. Gromit turns the lamp off and Feathers McGraw climbs up the stairs, looking around. As he passed by, they peeked from Wallace’s bed and saw Feathers McGraw carrying a box. He has a red glove on his head like a chicken. Gromit’s eyes widened. He was the criminal on the WANTED poster that he saw this morning. Feathers looks at himself in the mirror, carries a helmet, and then grabs a remote control. He presses a button, moving the legs out as Wallace groans. The helmet was on his head. He then closes the door, with the bed wobbling. The bed tilts over and Gromit falls down into Wallace’s pants. He raises his arms up as robotic arms put his shirt on and put some sleeves on. The jam is shot out and the toaster lever pops up. But with no toast inside, the jam lands on Gromit’s face. 
That night, Feathers walks the sleeping Wallace down to the museum, where the Techno Trousers walks up the side of the building. They stop at a window, where Feathers jumps to the windowsill and controls the trousers to keep going up. Soon, he arrives at the top of the building and keeps walking while Feathers gets out his paper. The mechanical trousers then walk up and into an air vent. Inside the museum, the ceiling grate drops open and Wallace walks out upside down. The evil penguin looks at the paper, saying "AIR VENT", with footprints going down a diamond saying, "STOP HERE - DIAMOND." He looks through the window to see a shiny diamond. He couldn’t wait to get his hands… er, flippers on it. He pulls the lever and Wallace continues walking towards the lasers. He stops near them and yawns. While he throws back his arms, Feathers quickly pulls the lever and Wallace walks past the lasers without tripping them. He hangs above the diamond and Feathers pressed a button on the remote. A claw rises out from the helmet and tries to grab it, only to miss. Sweating nervously, Feathers positions Wallace around and tries to get it again. Another miss. He inches Wallace over and then the claw snatches the diamond. But as it rises up, the diamond falls out of its grip and Feathers hurriedly grabs it before it could touch the laser. He wipes the sweat off his brow in relief. He controls Wallace to start heading back, but one of the ceiling tiles gets stuck on his foot and the claw dangles in the air. It then hits the laser, and the burglar alarm sounds off. Wallace then starts waking up.]
Wallace: What's going on? Where am I?! What's going on?! Yikes!
[Feathers McGraw continues pushing the buttons, then the door continues closing.]
Wallace: Gromit! Gromit! (stands on the window) I must be dreaming! Where the devil am I?! (the window spins around and he hangs out) Oh! Great heavens up above! Whatever is it? Help! Get me down! Help! 
[Feathers turns Wallace around and gets on his back while the diamond goes inside the helmet.]
Wallace: What's the game, then, eh? Where am I? (starts walking) I've had quite enough! You'll be hearing my solicitor about this! Eee! Ow! Mind how you go! You can't go taking liberties like this. I'm a respectable citizen! (continues running faster)
[Soon, they returned home.]
Wallace: It's definitely not illegal, this.
[Feathers McGraw pushes a button, stopping the Techno Trousers, and he takes the red glove off of his head.]
Wallace: Good grief! It's you! Now, get me out of those trousers this minute! (walks backwards on a shelf) Steady on, will you? This wardrobe's nearly new, you know. Let me out!
[Feathers McGraw puts a diamond in the bag.]
Wallace: I'll give you what for, you tyke!
[Feathers McGraw walks off only to be comforted by Gromit, who pounds his rolling pin. Feathers gets out his gun and cocks it, threatening to shoot. Then, frightened, Gromit raises his arms up and walks over to the wardrobe.]
Wallace: Excuse me? Hello? (Gromit opens the wardrobe) I should think so, too. (he enters and Feathers closed the wardrobe) Hey!
[Feathers McGraw locks the wardrobe.]
Wallace: Well, this is a fine how you do, isn't it, Gromit?
[Getting an idea, Gromit pulls his pants down and opens the electronic panel.]
Wallace: Steady on! Watch where you're putting them paws!
[He grabs two cords together and they electrocute.]
Wallace: Careful, lad! Oh, my goodness, it'll ruin the woodwork!
[The wardrobe shakes back and forth as the Trousers start walking.]
Wallace: There goes me knotted pine! Where are we going? I can't see a thing!
[Feathers McGraw runs away, while the door opens to free Wallace and Gromit.]
Wallace: What's happening?!
[Feathers McGraw slides on a train.]
Wallace: (muffled) Catch him, Gromit!
[Gromit turns around to see the wardrobe fall down and he jumps out of the way. He grabbed a hanging light and spun around. Feathers sees him and fires his gun at the cord, cutting it. Gromit fell down on the running toy train. As the penguin shoots at him, he sees that he is heading for the penguin door. He blasts down the hole, ready to make a quick getaway. Gromit pressed a red button while the train passed by, causing the tracks to switch into the living room. Meanwhile, Wallace walks out of the wardrobe on his Techno Trousers and hitches a ride on one of the toy train’s cars.]
Wallace: Don't worry, Gromit! I'm, oh! Right behind you!
[Feathers McGraw shoots at the lever, making Wallace and the cart he was standing on go on a different track.]
Wallace: Hang in there, Gromit! Everything's under control! (takes the gun from Feathers) I'll have that if you mind, eh? (looks up ahead and screams)
[He then hits a stopper at the end of the track and flies through the picture frame and lands onto a shopping cart. Back with Gromit, he climbed up the cars of the rushing toy train.]
Wallace: Tally ho! (arrives holding a net) Leave him to me. I'll get the bounder! 
[He holds up the net and prepares to catch Feathers, only to capture a stuffed moose instead. Luckily, Wallace was holding onto a train car. However, Feathers McGraw unhooks the train from the cars.]
Wallace: Get him, Gromit!
[Feathers McGraw pushes a lever, going straight, then going left by Wallace and Gromit. The others were heading towards the window.]
Wallace: Gromit, we're doomed!
[Gromit grabs a box of spare tracks and starts putting the tracks on, creating a new track for the train.]
Wallace: Mind the table, Gromit!
[The train passes under the table while Feathers McGraw continues riding the train. They passed by Feathers McGraw.]
Wallace: (grabs a train) Gotcha! (looks at Feathers McGraw sliding a train car) All yours, Gromit!
[As Gromit continued putting more tracks, he was about to grab the villain until the Techno Trousers walked by in the path, bumping him into it and launching him through the air. Gromit hits the kitchen drawer. A milk bottle lands in Gromit’s hands and Feathers lands in the jar with his head sticking out. The bag then falls into Gromit’s hand.]
Wallace: Attaboy, Gromit, lad! Well done! We did it! Ha ha! 
[The next morning, the Techno Trousers drags a tied-up Feathers to the police department. Gromit was using the remote control to pilot the Techno Trousers. Feathers was soon held in jail while the camera zooms out to a painting saying, "WELCOME TO THE ZOO!", with an arrow saying, "ENTRANCE." Back home, Gromit puts the shoes by Wallace.]
Wallace: Thank you, old friend. Many thanks, indeed. That reward money paid off all our debts. No more lodgers. More trouble than they're worth. (puts coins in the piggy bank) I could just fancy some cheese, Gromit. What do you say? Cheddar? Don't forget the crackers.
[Gromit looks at the Techno Trousers in the trash can. As he turns around, it starts twitching.]
Wallace: All's well that ends well, that's what I say. (eats a slice of bread)
[Outside, the Techno Trousers walk by the duo.]
Wallace: Oh, I do like a bit of Gorgonzola.
[Gromit looks at a newspaper while the Techno Trousers walk down the sidewalk towards the sunset. Roll credits.]
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