Episode 105: Cindy Crawford/transcript

==Cold open==
 	Open on Bobo reading the paper.
Bobo 	Well, let's see what's happening on Wall Street. Ahh. Still a bear market, I see. Honey's moving slow, but salmon futures are going along swimmingly.
 	He looks up, notices the pun, and laughs.
Bobo 	Oh, boy. I crack myself up. I'm gonna have to start writing this stuff down. "Salmon futures…" (giggles)
 	Cindy walks up to him.
Cindy 	Excuse me. I'm looking for the Muppets Studio.
Bobo 	Yeah, lady, you and the IRS.
Cindy 	I'm a guest on the show and I need to know how to get into the studio.
Bobo 	Listen, lady, can't you see I—
 	He looks up at Cindy - a shimmering vision.
Cupid (DG)	Aww, they didn't tell me it was gonna be a bear. Phil, bring out the heavy stuff! (floats away)
Cindy 	Are you okay?
Bobo 	Uh …
Cupid (DG)	Man, I hate the recoil on this thing. It kicks like a …
 	He shoots Bobo with his crossbow. Little hearts fly above his head singing "I Want to Be Loved By You".
Bobo 	Say, uh, you guys know "Shake Your Booty"?
Cindy 	Excuse me?
Bobo 	I was just — talking to the butterflies around my head.
Cindy 	Okay, right. You do that, and I'm gonna go in there, okay? Bye-bye.
Bobo 	Bye-bye.
 	She gets on the elevator.
Seymour 	Oh, hello there. Step right in.
Kermit 	Oh, hi there, Bobo. Listen, is Cindy Crawford here yet?
Cindy 	Pretty.
Kermit 	Ahem … I'll take that as a yes.
==Theme==
 	Kermit opens the doors to the Muppet Theater.
Kermit	It's Muppets Tonight, with our very special guest star, Cindy Crawford! YAAAYY!
 	He is immediately trampled by theater patrons. Clifford sings the theme song while wandering through the dressing room to the control room to the stage, as Jowls whistles. Clifford reaches the stage, goes to a wall and throws a switch which lights up the show's title.
==Opening number==
 	Open on the house band.
A.Ligator 	And now, here's the host of Muppets Tonight, C'lifford!
 	Clifford comes out to applause.
Clifford 	Ha ha ha ha! Yeah! Welcome, welcome! What's up? What's up? Yeah, yeah. Welcome to Muppets Tonight, the show that has people all over the country saying …
 	Switch to the nursing home.
Statler & Waldorf	Where's the remote? (they look around)
 	Switch back to the show.
Clifford 	Our special guest tonight is, the super-duper supermodel, Cindy Crawford! (applause) Give it up. Give it up. But before we get to Cindy, here, straight from their two-week engagement under Carnegie Hall, are, The Irish Rodents!
 	The rats take the stage, which is decked with shamrock decor.
Rat singer (JN) 	
♪ When I was a young lad in old County Cork,
♪ My father said "Son, don't eat with a fork."
Rat singer (DG) 	♪ No need to say thank you, no need to say please …
 	The tempo picks up. A chorus of cheeses join the rats.
Rat singer (JN) 	♪ For a rat is a natr'l-born lover of cheese!
Cheeses 	♪ Cheese. Cheese. Cheese. Cheese.
All 	
♪ Oh, there's Cheddar, Swiss, Muenster, Limburger, Jalisco,
♪ Telita, Ricotta, Havarti, Romano,
♪ American, Feta, Bleu, Colby-Jack, Provolone,
♪ Monterey Jack, Mozzarella and Brie!
 	A giant fondue vat is wheeled onstage. The rats begin catapulting the cheeses into it.
Rat 2 (JN) 	Cheese in the hole!
 	Clifford watches from the wings while Rizzo dances.
Clifford 	Man, this is stupid. Rats dancing to some corny jig with dairy products.
Rizzo 	Hey, hey, come on, Clifford. Don't be such a stick in the mud. Get in touch with your inner cheese! (laughs, dances)
Clifford 	Alright. (dances)
Rats 	
♪ Oh, there's Cheddar, Swiss, Muenster, Limburger, Jalisco,
♪ And Monterey Jack, Mozzarella and Brie!
Rat singer (JN) 	More cheese in the hole! (launches another wedge) Yeah!
Rats 	(parodying "Danny Boy" and "Too-Ra-Loo-Ra-Loo-Ral")
♪ Oh, Camembert, the knives, the knives are carving …
♪ Mozzarella-rella … Mozzarella cheese!
Rat (DG) 	Here we go!
Rat 2 (JN) 	Cheese in the hole!
Rat singer (JN) 	
♪ Sure, there's one kind of cheese …
♪ Brings a rat to his knees …
Rats 	♪ 'Tis the kind dear old Mum used to seize …
Rizzo 	(crying) Ain't that the truth? (blows nose on Clifford's dreadlocks)
Rat singer (JN) 	Grab your toes' points, boys, we're goin' skinny-dippin'!
 	The rats cheer and dive into the vat. Switch to the nursing home.
Waldorf 	Heh. You know, they're calling this show a runaway hit.
Statler 	Yeah. Whenever it comes on, you wanna run away.
 	They chuckle.
==At the Bar==
 	Mr. Callahan enters through the doors.
Polly Lobster 	♪ If ya want my body, and — Oh! How ya doin', Mr. Callahan? The usual? No? Well, then try a little of this!
 	He slides over a glass. Mr. C drinks from it.
Polly Lobster 	(laughs) Tastes good, huh?
 	Mr. C lets out a loud, windy belch.
Polly Lobster 	(laughs) You liked that, huh? Oh, think nothing of it, Mr. C. You know, in the Middle East, a good burp is considered a compliment. And that particular compliment ought to hit Cairo right about now! (cracks up) Clueless? Yeah, he's in the back. I'll call him out. Clueless!
 	Light applause. Clueless doesn't show up.
Polly Lobster 	Uh … one second, Mr. C. (runs to the doorway) CLUELESS!
 	Applause as Clueless comes rushing out with a cricket bat.
Clueless Morgan 	Yeah, Polly, what can I — (notices applause) Oh, thank you! Heh heh heh. Oh! Mr. Callahan, you're wearing the violet contacts. Well, eat your heart out, Liz Taylor! (laughs)
Polly Lobster 	Uh, Clueless - uh, what's with the bat? Uh, you gonna play some cricket?
Clueless Morgan 	Not cricket. Horsefly. There's been a big one buzzing around me all day long.
Polly Lobster 	Really?
Clueless Morgan 	And the next time he lands, I'm gonna smash him into —
 	They notice the fly, and see it land on Mr. C's head.
Clueless Morgan 	Ooh.
Polly Lobster 	Whoa.
Clueless Morgan 	Don't move, Mr. Callahan.
 	WHACK!
Polly Lobster 	Oh, nice going, Clueless! You missed the fly and you cold-cocked Mr. Callahan!
Clueless Morgan 	Sorry.
Polly Lobster 	Would you just sing?
Clueless Morgan 	Alright. Paul?
 	Cue the piano.
Polly & Clueless	
♪ Flies in the buttermilk, shoo fly shoo!
♪ Flies in the buttermilk, shoo fly shoo!
 	Clueless follows the fly again.
Polly Lobster 	
♪ Flies in the buttermilk, shoo fly shoo!
♪ Skip to my Lou, my darling!
Clueless Morgan 	Polly!
Polly Lobster 	Wh-wh-wh ..
Clueless Morgan 	I see him!
Polly Lobster 	What?
Clueless Morgan 	Hold still.
Polly Lobster 	What? Where?
 	Clueless whacks Polly. The fly keeps buzzing.
Clueless Morgan 	Oh! … Hold still, Clueless. (whacks himself, faints)
==The Kermit the Frog Club==
Clifford 	Hey! Here's a little piece of trivia for you. Did you know that our guest star, Cindy Crawford, got her start right here with the Muppets? (applause) Yeah! She was a regular on a very popular afternoon show I'm sure you all remember, called The Kermit the Frog Club. Uh, who remembers the show?
 	The audience stares, mouths agape.
Clifford 	Okay, so maybe you don't remember it. But we're gonna take a look at it anyway. Here's Cindy Crawford as one of the original Frogketeers!
 	A B&W clip is shown on the monitor.
Frogketeers	
♪ Who's the president of our society that's here for you and me?
♪ K-E-R…
Kermit 	Are we having fun yet?
Frogketeers	♪ M-I-T…
Kermit 	That's a swell university.
Frogketeers	
♪ F-R-O-O-G!
♪ Kermit Frog…
Kermit 	Where's the THE?
Frogketeers	♪ Kermit Frog…
Kermit 	Where's the THE?
Frogketeers	♪ Forever leave our throats expanding proud …
Kermit 	Alright, okay, that's enough! Frogketeer role call, croak out now!
Stu 	Stu!
Jennifer 	Jennifer!
Newt 	Newt!
Stu 	Stu!
Cindy 	Cindy.
Meathead 	Robbie!
Stu 	Stu!
M!D'Bolo 	M!D'Bolo!
Stu 	Stu!
Kermit 	Uh, that's enough, Stu. That's the fifth time you've called out your name tonight.
Stu 	Oh, I'm sorry! I can't help it! I have a short-term memory! ... Stu!
Kermit 	Uh, ahem, okay, everybody. Uh, today is Friday and what does that mean, huh?
Frogketeers	It's pay day!
Kermit 	Well, yes, uh, but it's also "Get to Know Your Frogketeer" Day!
Frogketeers	Oh. (murmuring)
Kermit 	So today, let's meet our newest Frogketeer, Cinderella Crawfordopolis!
 	The others cheer as she makes her way over to Kermit.
Cindy 	Hi, Kermit.
Kermit 	Hi there, Cindy. Why don't you tell us a little about yourself? For example, what are your hobbies?
Cindy 	Well, um, I like to dress up in really pretty clothes and walk up and down my driveway.
Kermit 	Uh, uh, what'd you like to do when you grow up?
Cindy 	The same thing, but get paid millions of dollars for it!
Kermit 	Ooh. Uh, ahem, well, uh, Cindy, just in case that doesn't happen to work out, uh, do you have any other ideas of what you'd like to do?
Cindy 	Well, I haven't really thought about it, but, um, it would be really neat, like, if I could have my own TV show and … maybe call it, like, House of Style or something like that. And it could be, like, on a music video station …
 	The other Frogketeers gape at her.
Cindy 	… then I could maybe segue-way it into, like, a movie career or something. And maybe even, like, my own contract with a cosmetics company. That would be really neat.
Toshiro 	Gee, I just wanna be a fireman.
Kermit 	Well, well, what an imagination, huh? Let's hear it for our own Cinderella Crawfordopolis!
 	He and the Frogketeers cheer.
Stu 	Stu!
==Backstage==
 	Bobo watches the show on TV.
Bobo 	Oh, Cindy. Even when you were 14, you were pretty. Just thinking about you makes me wanna … (turns to camera B) do a '60s retro montage fantasy!
 	Switch to a tie-dye limbo background. Bobo dances and sings the first verse of "I'm a Believer."
Mickey Dolenz	Hey, Bobo, Bobo, man, you're ruining my song!
Bobo 	Whoa, how boss! Mickey Dolenz? What are you doing in my '60s retro montage fantasy?
Mickey Dolenz	Paying off my '60s retro alimony!
 	They both laugh.
Bobo 	Hey, you wanna finish your song with me?
Mickey Dolenz	Yeah, cool!
 	They continue the song. Fade back to the present.
Bobo 	♪ I'm a believer …
 	The music fades out.
Bobo 	Yes. Yes, of course! I'm a believer. The Monkees. Oh, it's so clear to me now! I've got to find Cindy, and declare my eternal love for her! Oh! Oh — oh — (runs off)
==Commercial==
 	Open on a shot of the album on LP, cassette and CD.
A. Ligator	Attention, Johnny Fiama fans! Now, for a limited time only, you can get Johnny's greatest hits on one album! You'll get "New York, New York"!
 	Fade to Johnny on a stage as a piano plays.
Johnny 	Oh, I'm sorry, is that my cue?
A. Ligator	You'll also get "Hooked on a Feeling"!
 	The pianist plays it. Sal marches past Johnny.
Sal 	Ooga-chaka! Ooga-chaka! Ooga-chaka! Ooga-chaka!
Johnny 	♪ I can't stop this feeling, deep inside … Sal? Sal!
Sal 	Yeah, Johnny?
Johnny 	What are you doing, Sal?
Sal 	I'm doing the ooga-chakas.
Johnny 	I understand you're ooga-chakaing, but you don't do it while I'm singing! You throw me off!
Sal 	Sorry, Johnny. (walks off)
Johnny 	♪ …stop this feeling … oh, yes. (applause) Hello. I'm Johnny Fiama, with my associate, Sal.
Sal 	Hi.
Johnny 	And uh, we're very excited about this album. It's a real comer.
Sal 	Yeah, yeah, Johnny, you're gonna make loads of money on this one, just like on your other albums.
Johnny 	(mumbles) Not the money! Remember the tax audit thing?
Sal 	Oh, I forgot. Yeah, yeah — Johnny didn't make no money, on them albums!
Johnny 	Albums, yes, yes, any — anyway, this album is coming right from my heart, and I'd really love you all to buy it.
Sal 	Yeah, not just because Johnny's in debt, neither! Oh, and uh, San Diego Bob, if you're watching, stop hanging around Johnny's house! You're scaring his ma!
Johnny 	Hey, that is sweet, Sal.
 	The piano resumes.
A. Ligator	You haven't heard anything, when you've heard "Johnny, We Hardly Heard Ya".
Sal 	(looks up) Who is that?
 	Switch to the product shot.
A. Ligator	Miss a little, and you miss it all!
==Backstage==
Nigel 	Okay, alright, and we're coming out of commercial. Get ready to cue the porcupine hot-air balloon race. AND CUE!
 	The whistle sounds. A. Ligator sits in the booth, watching a monitor.
A. Ligator	And they're off!
 	A pop and a hiss is heard.
A. Ligator	Oh, one of 'em's down! (POP!) Oh, there's another one down! (POP-POP-POP!) Oh, what a disaster!
 	Meanwhile, Rizzo encounters Bobo making howling noises by the dressing room door.
Rizzo 	Uh, ahem — (taps Bobo) excuse me.
Bobo 	Yeah?
Rizzo 	What are you doing?
Bobo 	(whispers) Oh! I'm "haroonga"-ing. It's a bear mating ritual. I'm gonna ask Cindy out on a date. Yeah, and I'm gonna, I'm gonna win her heart with — with polecat oil, and uh, fish heads, and moss, ooh, and a funnel cake —
Rizzo 	Wait — wait a second. You're gonna ask Cindy Crawford out on a date? (laughs)
Bobo 	Cut it out.
Rizzo 	(continues laughing)
Bobo 	I'm warning you, cut it out.
Rizzo 	(continues laughing) THAT IS HY-STERICAL! (laughs)
 	Bobo swats him away. Rizzo crashes into the wall, continuing to laugh.
Bobo 	I happen to love her.
 	Transition to the '60s retro montage from earlier. Rizzo immediately shoves it away.
Rizzo 	Oh, no, I ain't sitting through that retro '60s malarkey again. Look, you want help, you ask me. I'm a regular Rudolph Vermintino. Watch this.
 	He dances to house music and sings a passage from "I'm Too Sexy". A gang of female rat groupies flock around him.
Bobo 	Wow. You are good. Well — can you help me?
Rizzo 	You betcha, bear, but who's watching the security desk for you?
Bobo 	Oh, don't you worry, don't you worry, I got that covered.
 	Switch to the security desk. Cupid polishes his crossbow. Johnny and Sal come off the elevator.
Johnny 	… two dozen cannolis, because Dominic Delvecchio's coming, and you know how he likes to eat.
Sal 	Uh huh, uh huh — OW!
 	Cupid accidentally shoots Sal.
Cupid (DG)	Uh-oh!
 	The little hearts appear above Sal's head singing "I Want to Be Loved By You".
Sal 	You know, Johnny …
Johnny 	Yeah, kid?
Sal 	When the light hits you a certain way…
Johnny 	Mm-hm?
Sal 	… you look awful sharp!
Johnny 	Ah.
Sal 	Yeah, kinda — kinda pretty-like.
Johnny 	Excuse me?
 	Sal shrugs.
==Bay of Pigswatch==
 	The opening title sequence plays. A. Ligator reads the title cards.
A. Ligator 	Bay of Pigswatch. Starring David Hoggselhoff as Champ Schwimmer. Spamela Hamderson as Spamela. And Andy and Randy Pig as Donnie and Art C. Shell.
 	Champ, Andy and Randy stand at their post. Champ tries self-tanning.
Randy 	Artie, look at all the girls.
Andy 	Huh? Ooh…
Champ 	Ah, yes, what a day.
Randy 	Look, look, look —
 	A timer dings. Champ reveals eggs frying on the his tanner.
Champ 	Uh, Donnie, Artie? The eggs are ready.
Andy & Randy	Ooh! Eggs, eggs, eggs! (they run to him)
Champ 	They're just like you like 'em, fellas — sunny side up.
Andy & Randy	Eggs, eggs, eggs! — WHOA!
 	They bump into him and knock him over.
Champ 	Oh. Well, now they're over easy. Heh heh …
Randy 	No, they're over Artie.
 	Andy gets up, with the eggs covering his eyes.
Champ 	I guess the yolk's on him. (laughs)
Randy 	I don't get it.
 	They hear Spamela shriek.
Champ 	Ooh! Spamela. I'd know that mellifluous squeal anywhere! Come on, boys!
Randy 	'Kay.
 	They approach Spamela. She takes off her towel, revealing her bikini.
Randy 	Oh —
Champ 	(hyperventilates)
Andy 	Hey - I wanna see —
Spamela 	Champ! What's wrong?
Champ 	I just — forgot what a — form-fitting uniform you have.
 	Andy and Randy nod.
Spamela 	A mean old jellyfish stung me!
Champ 	Oh! Well, then there's only one thing to do. The poison needs to be sucked out. I'll start at your lips.
Spamela 	But — he stung me on the foot!
Champ 	Hey. Who's the doctor here?
 	He embraces and kisses her. Meanwhile, Andy and Randy run around.
Andy 	Oooh!
Randy 	Champ, Champ, look what we found — a really weird beach ball.
 	They play catch with it.
Champ 	That's not a beach ball, you idiots! It's a World War II mine!
Andy 	It's a what?
Champ 	It's a mine! (runs over to them)
Randy 	No, it's-a mine.
Andy 	No, it's-a mine.
Champ 	No, it's a mine —
 	He catches it, then drops it. After a beat, it explodes. Spamela approaches the scene.
Spamela 	That just goes to show, a mine is a terrible thing to waste. (giggles)
 	As the theme music plays, they examine the remains.
A. Ligator 	Tune in again for another honey-glazed episode of Bay of Pigswatch.
Andy 	Which one?
==Backstage==
 	Bobo has an earpiece in his ear.
Rizzo 	Hello? Yes — testing, one two three. Testing.
Bobo 	Yes, gotcha. Gotcha.
Rizzo 	Alright. Now remember, if you want Cindy to fall in love with you —
Bobo 	Yes?
Rizzo 	— listen to your headset and repeat everything I say.
Bobo 	"Repeat everything I say."
Rizzo 	No, no, no, not yet.
Bobo 	"No, no, no, not yet."
Rizzo 	Oh, oh — cheese it, here she comes!
Bobo 	"Oh, oh — cheese it, here she comes!"
Rizzo 	SHHH!
Bobo 	"SHHH."
 	Rizzo runs into the supply closet. Cindy walks up to Bobo.
Rizzo 	Okay. Alright. (shuts the door)
Bobo 	Oh! Uh, oh, oh, oh, hi, hi. Hi, Cindy.
Cindy 	Hi.
Bobo 	Can I talk at you now?
Rizzo 	Cindy, to me you are like the nuts and berries of the forest.
Bobo 	Cindy, to me, a nut like you should be buried in the forest.
Cindy 	What exactly is that supposed to mean, Bobo?
Rizzo 	Oh, brother, you sure muffed that one, fatso.
Bobo 	"Oh, brother, you sure muffed that one, fatso."
Cindy 	Did you just call me fatso?
Bobo 	Yeah. NO! Uh — I was yelling at my ear.
Cindy 	You talk to butterflies, you're yelling in your ear …
Bobo 	Yeah. Uh —
 	Rizzo's family enters.
Rizzo's niece (DG)	Oh! Hi, Uncle Rizzo. We just came back from the fair.
Rizzo 	Hey, that's a nice set of balloons you got there. Maybe you'll let me play with them later.
Bobo 	"Maybe you'll let me play with them later."
Cindy 	What??
 	She slaps Bobo; he punctures the door.
Bobo 	I wasn't supposed to say that one, was I?
 	Rizzo shakes his head.
==Swift Wits==
 	Applause.
Snookie 	Heyyy! Hello again, and welcome to Swift Wits, the fastest game show on TV. I'm your host, Snookie Blyer, and here are contestants Buster and Colfax Bergman.
Colfax 	Lithuania!
Buster 	Goat chips!
Snookie 	Uh — fellas, ha ha ha, we haven't started playing the game yet. Okay, you're playing for Winky, a happy little beaver.
 	A window opens to reveal Winky.
Snookie 	Okay, for every correct answer, Winky will get a nice chewy log for his dam! And by the by, the highly unlikely event that there are no correct answers, Winky will be eaten alive by our very own Carl the Big Mean Bunny!
 	Another window opens to reveal Carl.
Carl 	Hi.
Snookie 	Okay! Let's give our audience the answer.
Announcer	The answer is "automobile".
Snookie 	Alrighty! You've got ten seconds. Here come the clues. You drive it on the road and it has …
Colfax 	The Blue Men of Morocco!
Buster 	Goat cheese!
Both 	Rutherford B. Hayes!
Snookie 	Fellas, fellas, listen to the clues! You put gas in it —
Colfax 	Shakespeare!
Buster 	Uh, June 7, 1951!
Snookie 	Will you numbskulls give me a chance?
 	The buzzer sounds and the "frown" face lights up.
Snookie 	Nice going! Sorry about that, Winky. Better luck next time. Oh — I guess there won't BE a next time.
Carl 	Thank you! Hahahaha!
 	He devours the beaver. The window shuts.
Buster 	Origami!
Colfax 	Gamal Abdel Nasser!
Snookie 	Oh, shut up.
Buster 	Tulips!
Colfax 	Bobby Riggs!
Buster 	Quantum physics!
Colfax 	Uh, rigor mortis!
==Backstage==
Nigel 	Alrighty, everyone, we're moving along, nicely, smoothly.
Johnny	(panting) Hey, Nigel. Whoa, Nigel. Hey, Nigel. Hey. Do me a favor, huh? Sal's acting very very weird. Help me out.
Sal 	Hey Johnny!
Johnny	Oh no, here he comes. Do something for me, would you? (runs off)
Sal 	Johnny! Hey Johnny, I got a pretty flower here! (to Nigel) Hi! (runs off) Johnny, come on!
Nigel 	Cue the next sketch in THREE TWO ONE CUE!!
==The Eagle's Nest==
 	Open on Sam, Andy and Randy sitting at a desk. The pigs butt heads with each other.
Sam the Eagle	Good day.
 	He glares at the pigs, and they stop.
Sam the Eagle	It is time now for politics and punditry from The Eagle's Nest. My guests tonight are messrs. Andy and Randy Pig.
Andy & Randy 	Messr messr messr messr messr messr!
Sam the Eagle	(facepalms) Our topic is noise pollution. Andy Pig, how would you control noise pollution?
Andy 	By making it nice and quiet.
Sam the Eagle	(gasp) I'm astonished that answer actually had something to do with the question.
Randy 	I know! We could put our fingers in our ears.
Andy 	Yeah. (they do so)
Sam the Eagle	That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
Andy 	Listen! Now it is much quieter.
Randy 	What?
Andy 	What?
Randy 	What?
Sam the Eagle	Look, don't start that routine. Once that business gets going, there's no end to it.
Andy 	Huh?
Randy 	What? One sad Christmas you went bowling in Connecticut?
Sam the Eagle	Well — yes I did, but — but that has nothing to do with what we're talking about.
Andy 	What?
Randy 	What?
Sam the Eagle	(stammers) End this tomfoolery!
Andy 	What?
Sam the Eagle	Ake a tingles trout for your spears.
Andy 	Take our fingers out of our ears?
Randy 	Okay. (they do so)
Sam the Eagle	Works every time. Good night, everyone.
Andy 	What?
Randy 	What?
Andy 	What?
Randy 	What?
==Backstage==
 	Cindy finishes talking to two humanoid Muppets.
Woman (LCR)	Oh, I know.
Man (JN) 	Yeah.
Cindy 	Yeah. (walks away)
Andy 	Ooh, oh, Cindy?
Randy 	Cindy! Cindy, hi! Hey, we have a question for YOU.
Cindy 	Okay.
Andy 	Uh, if you are a supermodel …
Randy 	What are your superpowers?
Andy 	Yeah.
Cindy 	Well, I can do this…
 	She zaps Randy with her eyes, making him disappear in a puff of smoke. She walks off.
Andy 	Wow! Cool! (follows her) Oh — Cindy! Do me! Do me, Cindy, please!
==Closing number==
Clifford 	Ladies and gentlemen, come with me now as we take you to an outdoor cafe in the heart of Barcelona, where Cindy Crawford and our own Kermit the Frog sing a very romantic duet.
 	Switch to the outdoor cafe. Kermit and Cindy are at a table as waiters pass them by.
Cindy 	Thank you.
Kermit 	Coffee?
Cindy 	Yes.
Kermit 	Oh, good.
 	He sits down. The two sing "I Remember It Well". Bobo, dressed as a waiter, appears behind a plant and interrupts them during the song.
Bobo 	Psst! Kermit?
Kermit 	Bobo, what are you doing?
Bobo 	I blew it with Cindy! … What should I do?
Kermit 	We're on the air. (continues singing)
Bobo 	Oh, I feel all fuzzy inside! I need some advice!
Kermit 	(continues singing)
Bobo 	Kermit?
Kermit 	Bobo, whenever there's someone I have special feelings for, I tell them how I feel, in my own words.
Bobo 	Isn't that kinda corny?
Kermit 	I'm a frog. We're not known for our edge. (continues singing)
Cindy 	Kermit, are we gonna do this number?
 	Bobo comes out of hiding and forcibly takes Kermit's place.
Kermit 	Oh, I'm sorry, Cindy, it's — no, Bobo, not right now!
Bobo 	Cindy,
Cindy 	Uh, yes, Bobo, could this wait, because I was in the middle of my song.
Bobo 	No. No, Cindy, it can't. Cindy — when there's someone I have special feelings for, I tell them how I feel, in— in my own words. And, well, even if those aren't my own words, I mean 'em.
Cindy 	What are you trying to say, Bobo?
Bobo 	… Well, what I'm trying to say is … HAROONGA! HAROONGA!
Cindy 	Oh, Bobo! HAROONGA! HAROONGA!
Bobo 	WHOA! Cindy! You know how to HAROONGA too? Oh, let's dance!
 	The two slide the table away and begin to tango. Cindy takes a rose from one of the band members and puts it in Bobo's teeth. She slaps him. The camera follows them as they tango backstage. Switch to the nursing home.
Statler 	Wow. Can you believe that bear won the heart of Cindy Crawford?
Waldorf 	Heh! Yeah, what a bunch of nonsense.
Statler 	But it's worth a try.
Waldorf 	Hmm. Hey, nurse!
Statler & Waldorf	HAROONGA! HAROONGA! HAROONGA!
 	Two bears sit between them.
Male bear 	HAROONGA! HAROONGA!
Waldorf 	Well, this isn't exactly what I had in mind.
Statler 	No, but it'll do till the nurse gets here!
 	They all laugh. Meanwhile, Bobo and Cindy continue tangoing. Bobo sends her spinning through the control room and all the way back to him on the stage. She takes the rose from his teeth and puts it in her own. Applause.
==Goodnights==
 	Clifford comes onstage to applause.
Clifford	(laughs) Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's our show for tonight. I'd like to thank our special guest star, Cindy Crawford! Yeah!
 	Applause as she comes out.
Clifford	Give it up! Let's hear it for her! Yeah!
Cindy 	Thanks, Clifford. I had a fun time working with all of you guys tonight.
Stu 	Stu!
Cindy 	Except him.
Clifford	Who are you?
Stu 	Oh, Stu.
Cindy 	Don't worry, I'll take care of it.
Stu 	What?
 	She zaps Stu with her eyes, making him disappear in a puff of smoke. Enter Bobo.
Bobo 	That's my Cindy! Let's bossanova, baby!
Cindy 	Alright!
 	They start dancing to bossanova music. The other Muppets join them.
==Epilogue==
 	Johnny talks to Cupid, who holds a giant sack.
Johnny 	Hey, this better do the job.
Cupid (DG)	Relax, Johnny, it works every time. (flies up)
Johnny 	Uh huh.
 	Sal gets off the elevator.
Sal 	There you are, Johnny! I got a box of chocolates for ya.
Johnny 	NOW!!
 	Cupid drops the sack on Sal's head.
Johnny 	Uh, Sal?
Sal 	Yeah, Johnny?
Johnny 	You alright?
Sal 	Yeah, why?
Johnny 	(glances up) Oh, nothing, uh — what're you doing with those chocolates there?
Sal 	Where did these come from?? Are they yours, Johnny?
Johnny 	No, no! No, no. No. Let's uh, let's take 'em home to Mama, huh?
Sal 	Alright! Johnny Fiama's takin' his chocolates home to his ma!
Johnny 	(glances up) Thanks, pal. (struts off, laughing)
 	The credits roll.
__NOWYSIWYG__
Category:Muppets Tonight Transcripts