Arson at Squidward's

Arson at Squidward's is a Mr. Rrarrg episode. In this episode, Squidward joins an arsonist group after being blackmailed by an anonymous caller.
===Characters===
*Squidward
*Anonymous Caller (debut)
*Arsonists (debut)
*Fish Dude (single appearance)
*Old Lady (single appearance)
*Squidward's family (mentioned)
*Patrick
*Rrarrg
*Grr
*Grugg
*Babba
==Transcript==
(The episode starts with Squidward at the table sipping tea)
Squidward: Ahh, this tea hits the spot. Really gets the pep in my step, you know. (he finishes the tea) Welp, I’m already done.
(Squidward gets up and is about to put away his cup, when he gets a phone call)
Squidward: Unknown caller? No one’s ever even called me in ages. (shrugs) It’s worth a shot. (he answers the number) Hello, Mr. Tentacles speaking.
(slow heavy breathing is heard behind the phone)
Squidward: um, are you okay?
Unknown caller: you…. Are to join team A.R.S.O.N. immediately.
Squidward: Huh? Are you sure you got the right number?
Unknown Caller: (heavy breathing) yes… You join us now or else.
Squidward: or else what? You're gonna steal my bank account information? Psh, not likely.
Unknown Caller: I will find your family, then I will find you and I will sell you to an Italian restaurant to be served as an appetiser!
(squidward gasps in shock; the caller laughs behind the phone)
Squidward: (groans) Fine, I guess I’ll join your stupid team. What’s it even for, anyway?
Unknown Caller: oh we just go around the world and burn stuff, it's really fun i tell you.
Squidward: uh-huh, sure. Well it looks like I don’t have a choice anyway.
Unknown Caller: That’s right. Goodbye. See you tomorrow. (the caller hangs up)
Squidward: Oh, what have I gotten myself into? For all I know he could just be making empty threats! I mean Italian restaurants don't even exist! (sighs) No matter, Squidward, just don’t give in. Do nothing tomorrow. That’ll fix everything.
(a shot of the sun changing to the moon and back to the sun in 2 seconds)
(squidward wakes up)
Squidward: welp, i guess it's time to- oh wait. Krusty Krab shut down last week.
(the doorbell rings)
Squidward: oh someone appears to be at the front door.
(squidward comes down and opens the door; we see 3 fish in black suits holding flamethrowers at the door)
Unknown Caller/Arsonist 1: hello Squidward.
Squidward: and who might you be?
Arsonist 1: don't you remember the call from yesterday?
(shot of squidward; wavy flashback transition to yesterday)
Unknown Caller: you…. Are to join team A.R.S.O.N. immediately.
(wavy flashback transition back)
Squidward: no not really.
Arsonist 2: Look, my guy, we desperately need new members for our team. We’ve been running low for over a year now, and we’re this close to disbanding because of it. (gets in Squidward’s face) You are to join or we make soup out of you.
Squidward: (sighs) Fine…
Arsonist 2: Good, good. Now follow us.
(Squidward begins following the arsonists. The scene cuts to the A.R.S.O.N. headquarters, which is just a burnt down shack)
Squidward: THIS is your headquarters? Hahaha! This is golden!
Arsonist 1: Look, this is all we got for now, alright kid? Now, your first mission as a new member of team A.R.S.O.N. is to burn down all of the houses in 356 Abby Road.
Squidward: Okay then.
Arsonist 2: (gives Squidward a flamethrower) Here, use this.
Squidward: Cool, sick. At least the weapon I use is cool.
Arsonist 1: Now hop to it, bud.
(Cut to Squidward on 356 Abby Road)
Squidward: (inhales) Here we go.
(he tries turning on the flamethrower but it doesn't work)
Squidward: come on.
(he tries turning it on again)
Old lady: hey! What do you think you're-
(the flamethrower turns on and burns the old lady into ashes)
Squidward: HOLY FUCKING SHIT I JUST KILLED SOMEONE
(he looks around and snorts the ashes up his nose; he then coughs)
Squidward: fucking worth it. Well time to burn the houses.
(Squidward points the flamethrower toward one of the houses, and it burns up in an instant)
Squidward: guess their budget was higher than I thought. Time to do the same for the other houses.
(Ten minutes later…)
Squidward: (puts down the flamethrower) Whew, that was… exhilarating. I guess joining this team wasn’t a terrible idea after all.
Arsonist 2: Now that’s the spirit! Say, we’re promoting you from rookie to novice arsonist!
Squidward: Cool. So what now?
Arsonist 2: Tomorrow, we have bigger plans. For now though, it’s time to prepare for tomorrow.
(Cut back to the arsonist shack, where Squidward lays on a mattress on the floor, sleeping)
Arsonist 1: Do you think he’s ready for what’s about to come?
Arsonist 2: Definitely. Did you see his performance out there earlier? He’ll kill it tomorrow. Literally.
(The two arsonists high-five as the scene fades to tomorrow morning, where Squidward stretches and yawns as he wakes up)
Squidward: Oh right, the arson team. I wonder what’s gonna happen today.
Arsonist 2: Morning bro. Today’s another big day for you.
Squidward: What am I going to be doing today?
Arsonist 2: Oh, you’ll see. Right this way.
(Squidward follows the arsonist into a secret room, which he activates by spelling out the word arson)
Squidward: Secret room?
Arsonist 2: Indeed. Now listen, I usually don’t trust beginners with this kinda heavy task. But I see the potential in you.
Squidward: Nice. So what is it that you wanted to show me?
Arsonist 2: Behold… (he pulls down a curtain to reveal a burnt image of the Krusty Krab)
Squidward: Huh?!
Arsonist 2: A beauty, isn’t it? The Krusty Krab is the most famous eatery in town. If we burn it down, Bikini Bottom has nothing left! (maniacally laughs)
Squidward: Are you sure this is a good idea?
Arsonist 2: Squidward Squidward Squidward, believe me, this is the only way we can progress. I’m assigning YOU to burn the Krusty Krab down today!
Squidward: (gulps) Okay…
(Arsonist 2 hands Squidward an even bigger flamethrower)
Arsonist 2: Good luck, big guy.
(Cut to the front of the Krusty Krab, where Squidward and the two arsonists are standing)
Arsonist 1: Alright Squidward, this is the big burning. The big guns. You get the idea. We’ll just sit back and watch… (gets out two lawn chairs and throws them onto the ground) and let you do all the work.
Squidward: Uhh… alright then. Prepare to… see it get toasted.
Arsonist 2: That’s the spirit!
(The two arsonists sit in their lawn chairs and start sipping lemonade)
Arsonist 2: Why couldn’t you have gotten pink lemonade?
Arsonist 1: Look, we’re on a budget, okay? Make do with what we got.
Arsonist 2: (groans)
Squidward: Okay, Squidward… it’s now… or never.
(Squidward hesitantly turns on the flamethrower, and slowly raises it to the doors. The doors instantly melt)
Squidward: Whoa.
Arsonist 1: What can I say? We went all-out for this one.
(Squidward starts burning more of the Krusty Krab, and slowly gets a grin on his face)
(Cut to the shack, where the gang are playing Uno)
Patrick: Got any sevens?
Rrarrg: rrarrarrg (Patrick, this is Uno, not Go Fish)
Patrick: Right, I totally remember. (he plays a skip card) There, I killed you.
Grr: grrgrrgrr (that’s a skip card, Patrick)
Patrick: (bangs the table) STOP PATRONISING ME!
Grugg: gruggrugurgurgg (so much for game night…)
(Grugg smells smoke)
Grugg: gruggruggurggrugg (does anyone else smell smoke?)
(The others sniff the air)
Babba: babba (yup)
Grugg: gruggrugg (where do you think it’s coming from?)
Patrick: Well gang, it seems we have another mystery on our hands.
Rrarrg: rrarrararg (who are you, Fred from Scooby-Doo?)
Patrick: I guess. Let’s go, guys. Up up and away!
(Cut back to the Krusty Krab, where Squidward is still burning it down)
Arsonist 1: Goddamn, this guy is good.
Arsonist 2: I told you he’d be an excellent pick.
(Squidward maniacally laughs. Cut to the gang arriving in Bikini Bottom, with Patrick wearing a ski mask)
Patrick: Do you think they’ll recognize me in this ski mask?
Rrarrg: rrarrarrg (not at all)
Patrick: Good. (sniffs) We’re definitely getting closer. Keep moving, everyone.
(they eventually get close to the krusty krab and see squidward burning it)
Babba: BABA!?! (WHAT THE?!)
Patrick: oh hey the krusty krab is burning down.
(he realises what he said)
Patrick: THE KRUSTY KRAB IS BURNING DOWN?!
Arsonist 3: ay, who are those fellas?
Arsonist 2: I don't know.
(plankton comes out of the chum bucket dragging a big trash bag along)
Plankton: do do do do…
(plankton notices the krusty krab is on fire)
Plankton: holy shit! The krusty krab is on fire!
(he stares at it for a second)
Plankton: WOOOO! YEAH BABY! EAT SHIT KRABS! YOUR RESTAURANT FINALLY CAME CRASHING DOWN! Or well, burning down i guess.
(he drags the trash bag behind the chum bucket this time with a smile)
Patrick: Damn it guys! We need to do something about this!
Rrarrg: rrarrarrg (what though? Ask them nicely to stop?)
Patrick: I mean that could work. Worth a shot. (yelling) HEY, CRIMINALS! STOP BURNING DOWN THE KRUSTY KRAB!
Squidward: (turns around) Huh?
Patrick: SQUIDWARD? YOU’RE the one behind this?!
Squidward: how do you know my name?
Patrick: uhh.. I’ve seen you on TV before.
Squidward: I’m famous?! Damn, joining team A.R.S.O.N. is the best decision I’ve made in years!
Grr: grrgrr (Nice name, not)
Arsonist 1: IT IS A NICE NAME! I order you idiots to get out at once!
Grr: grrgrrgrr (and if we don’t?)
Arsonist 2: We’ll call the… the… (sighs) I don’t know, dude.
Arsonist 3: Look, how about you fellas scram before you get burned like that one old lady?
Babba: bababa? (what old lady?)
Squidward: I snorted an old lady up my nose yesterday.
Patrick: what the fuck
Squidward: Damn right. Now leave or I burn you, deal?
Rrarrg: rrarrg. (No deal.)
Squidward: So that’s how it is huh? Well then.
(he stops burning the krusty krab)
Krusty Krab: Hey thanks man, I needed that.
(squidward aims the flamethrower at the gang)
Squidward: Move and I shoot.
Patrick: uh that’s a flamethrower, not a gun.
Arsonist 2: QUIT PLAYING DUMB AND DON’T MOVE!
Babba: ba (shit)
(a fish walks down past them and stops right behind the arsonists)
Fish dude: woah. This must be like an action movie set. I gotta record this.
(one of the arsonists notices the dude recording them and pokes another arsonist)
Arsonist 2: hey squidward.
Squidward: yeah?
Arsonist 2: There's a guy behind you.
Squidward: oh let me take care of that.
(he turns around to the dude)
Fish dude: oh hey man, sorry if i'm interrupting your movie. It's just really awesome that i get the chance to-
(squidward burns him with the flamethrower and the dude screams; he then turns into ashes)
(the gang look disturbed)
(the arsonists turn back around)
Arsonist 1: any last words?
Patrick: No, not really.
Arsonist 1: For real? No funny comebacks or anything? No trolls? No hahas or lols? No-
Arsonist 2: JUST GET ON WITH IT!
Arsonist 1: Fine. I like messing with people sometimes. So if you excuse me, I’m just gonna burn you-
Arsonist 2: Uh, someone took your flamethrower.
(Arsonist 1 notices his flamethrower is suddenly missing)
Arsonist 1: GOD DAMN IT! WHO DID THIS?
Grr: grrrrrr (Me. And I’m gonna burn YOU guys down.)
Arsonist 2: The hell are we gonna do now?
Arsonist 1: relax, we outnumber them in turns of firepower.
Arsonist 3: Yeah, and the squid guy has the biggest one.
Patrick: crap i forgot about that.
Squidward: yeah. So sayonara bitches!
Grr: grgrgrgrgrg (oh hey what's this button do)
(grr turns on the flamethrower and burns one of the arsonists)
Arsonist 1: holy shit.
Arsonist 3: on second thought, squidward you got this.
(the 2 arsonists hop on a comically small motorcycle and drive away)
Squidward: hey! What about me?!
Rrarrg: rrarararg. rararararg. (well well well. Look who we got here.)
Squidward: please! Don't hurt me! I-I was forced to join this group! They threatened me and my family!
Patrick: okay.
Squidward: Wait, really? Huh. That was easy.
Patrick: Yeah, but only because, uh… I liked your appearance on TV.
Squidward: Wow, thanks.
Patrick: Don’t mention it. Seriously.
(squidward walks away)
(the gang look at the burned krusty krab)
Grr: grgrgrgr? (should we do something?)
Patrick: nah.
(the gang stares at it for another second and then leaves. Cut back to the shack)
Patrick: So, that was…
Babba: babba? (...interesting?)
Patrick: …yeah, interesting.
Grr: grgrgrgrgrgr (interesting how we were put in like 5 pages into this episode)
Patrick: Are you on drugs now too?
Grr: grgrgr (possibly)
(short pause; the gang laughs and the episode ends)
=== Trivia ===
*This episode and the previous episode are unintentional christmas specials.
Category:The Life And Times Of Mr. Rrarrg!
Category:2022 Episodes
Category:2022 Transcripts
Category:Existant201
Category:FireMatch
Category:Christmas Specials