2014.02.05 - Gotham Attracts All Kinds

Piffy was currently frowning at a failed potion. It was neon pink and emitted a faint smell of roses. She was dressed in a Ramones t-shirt with tight jeans and her white lab coat. Epiphany sighed as she held up the vial to look closely at the contents, "Harley I fucked up your love potion. You need to get this J guy or whatever to go for you normally, anyway. You've got great tits, just get him that way."
Harley Quinn, professional-ish bodyguard, is seated near Ms. Greaves, with her feet up on a table, and her hands occupied with a magazine titled "UNNECESSARY DENTISTRY QUARTERLY," and the cover of the magazine is a gross close-up of a broken mouth. "Nothin' about Mr. J is normal, Piffs," Harley says without looking up. "An' I tried that. I even tried puns! I forgot he hates puns. Boy, did I get punished for that one -- aw, I did it again."
"You could try brewing up a little of what you gave me. If that won't snare 'im in, nothing will."
How does he do that? There's John Constantine, leaning in the doorway, cigarette smouldering from the corner of his mouth and hands stuffed into his trenchcoat. He looks like a vagrant, and decidedly unmagical. "Hello Piff. Hows a girl?"
PIffy quirked a brow, "Wasn't that door locked, and /closed/ a second ago?"
Her shop wasn't exactly in the best part of Gotham. In fact it was right near crime alley, what real estate! Thankfully she slept with a gun next to her bed every night.
She gently placed the vial back onto a holder, "She's alright. Didn't see the results of that Viagra x 10 potion. What a pity. Harley, this is John. Harley is my new...what is the job title called again?"
"Locked, closed, /and/ boobytrapped," Harley says, gesturing to the car battery she hooked up to the metal doorknob. It is undisturbed, making Constantine's appearance even more mysterious.
"I'm her chaperone, to various school proms and semi-formals," Harley says. "AND a doctor. So, from your gross kind of leathery skin, I'm guessing you're here to buy Piff's underwear. I can't say I approve, but it's tough times for everyone out there."
Constantine smirks at Harley and her introduction and assessment. "Well damn, if you're her chaperone, how am I supposed to get a date much less buy her underwear?" - he smirks, takes a brief moment to look at his hands. Leathery skin, feh. He looks to Epiphany and nods, "Yeah..I kinda got a work around for stuff like locks and boobytraps. Kinda helps when you're in my trade." he looks back, "Pleasure to meet ya Harley. By the way, Siouxsie called, she wants her look back. In 1986."
Epiphany tried to stifle a laugh from Harley's comments. A lot of her jokes were eye-rollers, but seeing anyone brave enough to fuck with John Constantine was admirable, and this time hilarious.
She slipped off her lab coat and tossed it on her bed in the corner, "Girl's got to be safe in this part of Gotham. Da hired her. I like having Harley around, she's good for a laugh. Clown and all."
She moved in to hug John, and whispered in his ear, "And you couldn't afford them."
"Y'know, people who remind me of Sean Penn really shouldn't throw stones," Harley says, dropping her weird mouth magazine to the ground and not picking it up. She might be an okay bodyguard, but she's a bit of a slob. She leans back in her chair until it tips over, and then flips out of the chair as it falls, kicking it back onto its four feet. This isn't done for show. This is just how she does things.
Harley puts her hands on her hips and regards Constantine and Epiphany. "Interesting," she says. "Veddy interesting." Without elaborating, she moves to the kitchen area.
Constantine returns the hug and whispers back, "I'd just steal them in the morning anyway." when they break their embrace he smirks, "Sean Penn? Really? That's better than what I usually get." he rubs his chin and drops his cigarette to the ground and crunches it under his heel. He looks back to Epiphany, "Have you felt anything weird lately?" he asks regarding the alchemist a moment.
Epiphany's brows furrow together, "Suddenly a bit of pms, really I've got slob infestation. This is a /laboratory/ people!"
With a roll of her eyes she picks up John's cigarette, and Harley's weird magazine, tossing them both in the garbage. While holding volatile chemicals she could slip on the magazine! Safety!
But she smirking at Harley's crazy antics, "But no, not really. Should I buy Harley a bazooka just in case?"
"Got one," calls Harley as she microwaves something.
"Oh, hey, I keep getting calls from the kennel so what's your lease's stance on hyenas? By kennel I mean a goon I paid. And by hyenas I mean hyenas." Harley returns with hot chocolate prepares in one of Epiphany's Pyrexes.
Constantine shrugs, "Sorry. I don't dabble in as exact sciences as you do. Most mine involves chanting, bloodletting, and at least one goat. Maybe a cat." he shudders, "Fucking hate those things." he looks to Harley, and back, "I'm startin' to like this one. You may have to keep her 'round."
Epiphany's eyes widen. Hyenas? If there was one thing she would never picture in her lab would be a creature like that. "Fuck. No. No Harley. How can you make /me/ look normal woman?"
She crossed her arms in front of her chest as she looked back to John, "It's the plan. Now what should be making me 'feel weird'? If I was supposed to have been slipped a roofie I swallowed something against that ages ago. Dating has been difficult."
"If you don't wanna look normal, stop shopping at Urby Outy," Harley says, gesturing at Piffy's t-shirt blandly. "Anyway, Bud and Lou are my babies. You'd love 'em. They're just the cuddliest guys. Only, don't come between them and their food, they WILL bite you and you wouldn't look good with missin' fingers. This guy seems like he'd do okay, but you, Piff, no, never."
Harley has a long pull of Pyrex hot chocolate when Epiphany asks what should be making her feel weird. She doesn't bring up the other night when she bet Epiphany she couldn't alchemy up magic Klonopin. But she thinks about it. What she remembers of it. It's okay. She wrote a prescription. She's a doctor.
Constantine hmmms at Harley, "Uhhhh..right." he nods. Looking back to Pif, he says, "What the fuck is an urby outy? Is that a belly button thing? Anyways, Leyliens are weird..their vibrations are off. Could be something, could be I just had indegestion. I thought if maybe people I knew felt it, it wasn't me, s'all."
Epiphany rolled her eyes and tugged at the bottom hem, "It's legit vintage, thank you. I probably bought it from one of John's old friends on Ebay."
But then she remembered a brew that required hyena hair, "Actually I'd like to meet them, in a dog park."
She placed a hand on her hip and smirked to Constantine, "Alchemist, not a magician like you. But it could definitely mean something. Once time I heard about this one weird demon just traveling on Leylines, feeding on it."
Harley wags a finger. "Oooh, we don't do dog parks. They ate a Jack Russell. Also, it's technically pretty a little extremely illegal to own hyenas in Gotham City. And I got enough problems with the law." Harley has a sip from her beaker. "Hey, waitaminute. I know you from somewhere," Harley says, leveling her Pyrex at Constantine.
"--you're--"
Who knows what sort of awful thing she's heard. Or found out. Or whatever.
"--the guy from Mucous Membrane!"
Constantine grunts and rolls his eyes, "Just what I need a fucking Recorsican Feeder demon. They're such fucking blight--" he stops abruptly, and looks to Harley. He for once is surprised, "Uh..how the hell did you know that?" he waits, then he smiles and points at Piffy, "Oh you put her up to that - good one, Piff.."
Epiphany smirked and let out a laugh, pulling out a tacky rhinestone flask from her lab coat, "Mucus Membrane? Never heard of them. That could be perhaps the /worst/ band name I've ever heard of."
She looked John over, as a rule musicians got 10 automatic points of hotness, "Can you still play?"
Harley has a hot chocolate mustache, which might affect her credibility. "No, no, you look just like the singer! Give or take sixty years and a bunch of, you know, Keith Richards-ism. I once worked with a guy who thought 'Venus of the Hardsell' was a coded transmission telling him to kill and mostly eat his girlfriend."
Harley pauses a beat. "...so, was it?"
Constantine shrugs, "Well, my voice has probably gotten rougher with about sixty thousand cigarettes and the same amount in gallons of liquor, but I could probably still belt something out." he says, as reasonably sure of one's skill as one can be. He looks at Harley and shakes his head, "Umm..not intentionally, at least I didn't write it to be that, but I was still a novice in those days so it's entirely possible.."
Epiphany took a swig of grin from her bedazzled flask while looking up the band on google. No wiki page, apparently but there were websites dedicated to the group. She would have to "acquire" the songs later, "You never cease to surprise me, old man."
She tossed him a smile, and responded to Harley, "Your social circle greatly concerns me woman, don't bring any of your seedy people around here. I'm used to thugs. But you're close to the 'Gotham Crazies', no offense."
"Close to them? I knew this kill-and-eat guy because I was his pychiatrist at Arkham!" Harley reacts with mock offense. "Really, I'm just relieved that if you /didn't/ tell him to do that, he /was/ crazy, so I wasn't wastin' my time treatin' a normal guy! A normal, killy, eaty guy!" Harley shrugs. "Nah, if I bring anyone over, it'll be Red. You'll like her. But you'll have to sleep on a futon. Or... I guess... a table. Or somethin'. Speakin' of, I'm gonna let you two have your alone time, just, y'know, wipe down the tabletops when you're done, I put my drinks down on those." Exit Harley, though she's almost certainly not gone far. And is probably listening.
Constantine shrugs at Piff, "I do what I can." then he hears the term 'Gotham Crazies' and looks suspiciously at Harley, "If they get crazier than you, I'm not sure I even wanna know." he says, taking a deep breath. He shrugs, "As much as I would like to attempt a one night stand and thoroughlly dirty the place, I unfortunately have to be off myself. I have to start shaking down what's fucking up these leylines. I have a feeling time is of the essence." he looks to the young alchemist, "Raincheck?" he asks, smile with a cocked eyebrow included.
A roll of her eyes, but there is a smirk on her lips, "Please. I was going to ask you to leave anyways. Got a potion due in the morning anyways."
She took one more swig of her glass and slipped back on her coat, "Don't want you to heave a heart attack on me."
She winked at him before setting to her work.
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