Jeff Brown

Jeff Brown was the self-declared ruler of Callisto, and was severely delusional. 
=== Inception ===
A reanimated human skeleton, Jeff was created by the Ganymede Factoid Wench as a partner for 'intimate' activities; however, Jeff, upon his reanimation, proudly declared that he was 'one hundred and nine percent homosexual', jumping out of the Factoid Burrow's tallest tower. After spending several days as an inanimate pile of bones, Jeff awoke, and began running across Ganymede, exploring his surroundings with great fascinations. 
=== Loneliness & Grand Delusions ===
Jeff was one of very few life-forms on Ganymede, so he became very lonely on the barren rocky surface of the Jovian moon. After several hundred years in total isolation, Jeff had amassed a respectable collection of rocks, who he assigned personalities and names. His favorite rock was his chosen partner, Rocky, who was a piece of granite, approximately 4.053 billion years of age. 
Jeff began drawing massive, bizarre geometrical shapes in the sandy Mar of Ganymede. Jeff began losing his metaphorical mind during this period of time. He began occasionally banging on the doors of the Factoid Burrow, screaming profanities and screaming such ridiculous phrases as, 'The Empire is Rising', 'Neptune is Alive', and 'The Downward Spiral will Destroy Us All'. 
Naturally, the Factoid Wench dismissed these ramblings as insanity, shooting Jeff with moonstone cannonballs over thirty-seven times. After being crumbled to dust and reforming for the final time, Jeff eventually either forgot, or gave up, on bothering the Factoid Wench. 
=== Psychological Deconstruction ===
Jeff returned to the barren wastes of Ganymede, and began unraveling even further, digging holes with his finger bones across the surface. These pits could span upwards of thirty feet wide and one hundred feet deep. They became known as the 'Jeff Holes', and were a popular tourist attraction in the time of the Waifurian Empire. 
Jeff's metaphysical degeneration accelerated after he saw Io pass distantly overhead. Io reminded him of his time as a human, many moons ago, and he suddenly acquired a violent urge to eat pizza. Unfortunately for Jeff, there was no pizza on Ganymede. 
=== One Giant Leap ===
Eventually, Jeff believed he had seen everything there was to see on Ganymede, and he decided he was ready to leave. In an attempt to gather speed, Jeff ran around the circumference of Ganymede fourteen times, at breakneck velocities (literally; he lost his skull several times in the process). Jeff placed Rocky in his skull cavity, to keep his dearly beloved close to him during the trip. 
Jeff lept off of Ganymede at a velocity of 2.5 km/s, surpassing the satellite's escape velocity and hurtling off into deep space. 
=== The Callisto Conch ===
After orbiting Jupiter for several years, experiencing unspeakable psychological torture in the void of space, Jeff crash landed on Callisto. Here, Jeff claimed he began witnessing strange visions from an entity known as the "Callisto Conch". No evidence was ever discovered of this entity existing at any point in Omniversal History, yet, whatever it was, it ruled over Jeff with an iron fist. 
Jeff believed the Callisto Conch was giving him 'Missions'. The first Mission was to dig to the core of Callisto. Jeff did, and found something horrendous lurking beneath. Whatever he found, he was repelled promptly, and returned to the Callisto Conch to seek out his next quest. 
Historical accounts differ on what happened next. Some claim Jeff interfered with the observations of Galileo Galilei (on behalf of the Callisto Conch) preventing him from properly recording Io when observing the sky. Other accounts claim it was not Jeff. Whatever occurred, the course of Omniversal History was permanently altered, but only temporarily. 
==== Ruler of Callisto ====
Some time later, Jeff declared himself ruler of Callisto, ruling over exactly zero living creatures or entities. He was a fair and just ruler, and ruled over the satellite for hundreds of years. Jeff held the Omniversal Record for Longest-Serving Leader to Rule Over Nobody. 
==== Titan ====
Jeff was ejected from Callisto by a stray Combine Missile during the First Great META War, and crash landed on Saturn's moon Titan, where he would construct the Lloyd Droid Ses. He found his way back to Callisto at some point by hitchhiking, and would become romantically entangled with the love sponge M.O.S.D.O.K. 
Category:Characters
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