Joey Bello/Dialogue

==ATX_COMP_Quest_Camp_Lite_JoeyBello==
#	Dialog Topic	Form ID	Response Text 	Script Notes
 	 	 	Just a down-on-his-luck entertainer looking for a couch to crash on. 	
 	 	 	Appalachia, yah! Pleasure to be here. One of my favorite... States? Counties. What is this place? Ah, forget it. How you doing? You look great. 	Stage performance energy. Isn't sure what "Appalachia" is but doesn't let it throw off his groove
 	 	 	Real nice C.A.M.P. you got here. Real classy. Just missing one little thing... Live Entertainment! 	Sales pitch. He's the "live entertainment"
 	 	 	But you are in luck, my friend! I'm here to spark a little life. A little laughter. Maybe even a little love, huh? Hahaha, ah forget about it. 	Tongue in cheek nod to "Live, laugh, love" with "love" being a little flirty before he laughs it all off as a joke.
 	 	 	Stranger? Woah, I barely knew 'er! Boom! Ah ha ha! 	He knows it's a groaner but he's committed.
 	 	 	I kid, I kid, I kid! I'm harmless. No need for guns. I'm not packing. 	Said in good humor, but just in case the player is wanting to hurt him now after the previous bad joke
 	 	 	The name's Joey. Joey Bello! Ya know, like a roar of laughter, only spelt different. 	
 	 	 	I saw the stage and thought you might have an opening? 	
 	 	 	What I wouldn't give for a tato pie. 	
 	 	 	No matter what happens, the show must go on. 	Self pep-talk
 	 	 	Nah, no way Teddy's still following me. 	Quietly, to self.
 	 	 	What do you think, Joey? Time for a little day trip? 	Said to self. Special emphasis on "day trip". Insinuating he's going to go take some Daytripper drugs.
 	 	 	I don't mind when they throw tatos. It's the grenades I worry about. 	
 	 	 	"Go to Appalachia" they said. "You'll have a blast" they said. Didn't realize they were literally still dropping nukes on themselves. 	To self.
 	 	 	What do stylish kangaroos wear? Jumpsuits. Ha... What the hell is a kangaroo? 	Trying out a new joke he's read but doesn't know what a kangaroo is so doesn't get the joke
 	 	 	There once was a man from Nantucket, he... no wait how'd it go again? Nah, fuck it. 	Trying to remember the limerick. Coincidentally ends up rhyming.
 	 	 	Damn, I could really use another hit from that pipe. If I could just remember where it was... 	
 	 	 	(Sigh) Mondays. Is it Monday? Feels like a Monday. 	
 	 	 	Hello, sunshine. 	
 	 	 	You here for the show? Well then make like a branch and stick around. 	
 	 	 	Break a leg out there. Just not mine! 	
 	 	 	Oh, I'm walkin' here! 	The classic NYC line
 	 	 	If danger calls tell 'em I'm on the can. 	
 	 	 	Lookin' good! 	
 	 	 	Ring-a-ding-ding! 	Frank Sinatra shout-out. A line Joey picked up from lounge singers in Atlantic City
 	 	 	Ouch! Who gave you the shiner? 	
 	 	 	Geez! Hope you left the other guy lookin' worse. 	
 	 	 	Woo! Look at the pipes on you. Been working out? 	
 	 	 	What's up dum-dum? 	
 	 	 	Wow, somebody had a good time huh? A little hair of the dog will fix that right up. 	
 	 	 	Those tatos you got there? You better not be planning to chuck those at me later. 	Mock suspicion - it's a joke
 	 	 	Geez, I heard you was bright but didn't realize they meant radioactive. 	
 	 	 	That a pipe gun in your pocket or you just happy to see me? Hey-oh! 	
 	 	 	We havin' fun yet? 	
 	 	 	Thinkin' hard, or hardly thinking? 	
 	 	 	I heard there's some kind of dance party over at Point Pleasant. Might pop some Day Tripper, check it out later. I just hope it doesn't get weird. 	
 	 	 	By the way, how many moths does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just two, but I don't know how they get 'em inside there. Haha! 	
 	 	 	I hear Grahm's hosting another cook-out. Meat for weeks. Make sure you don't skip it 'cause that would be a missed steak. I mean, come on! 	emphasis on "missed steak" (mistake)
 	 	 	Did I take too many chems again or have you noticed a lot of, well...aliens lately? Wonder why they're invading Earth. Maybe the moon was full! HA! 	
 	 	 	Anyway, I hope the aliens aren't planning to blow up the Earth. 'Cause they're WAY too late! 	
 	 	 	Nice costume! Where's the party? 	
 	 	 	Got the party started without me, huh? Don't worry. I'll catch up. 	
 	 	 	Your mother know you're out dressed like that? 	
 	 	 	You look like you could eat a fat sandwich. You find one you let me know! 	
 	 	 	Damn. Eat something already. You're making me hungry! 	Emphasis on "me"
 	 	 	Good God! You okay? When they say break a leg they don't mean that literally you know? 	
 	 	 	Hey hey! 	As if starting a stage performance
 	 	 	How you doin'? 	the classic NJ line
 	 	 	You lookin' for a put-down or a pick-me-up? Oh! 	
 	 	 	What's cookin', good-lookin'? 	
 	 	 	What's shakin', bacon? 	
 	 	 	Hey chief! 	
 	 	 	Yeah, whatya want? 	
 	 	 	Heya boss! 	
 	 	 	What's the scuttlebutt? 	
 	 	 	What's good? 	
 	 	 	There's my favorite Appalachian! 	
 	 	 	Who loves ya, baby? 	
 	 	 	How you doing? 	Not like Joey from Friends.
 	 	 	Joey Bello Live! And I aim to keep it that way! 	Aims to stay alive (people who want him dead are after him)
 	 	 	Yeah, jokes! You know... Knock-knock. Why did the chicken cross the road? Youse got jokes here in Appalachia, right? 	Amused/joking around but he's new here and isn't sure what the "comedy scene" is like in Appalachia
 	 	 	People pay caps to hear me crack wise and I help 'em forget about their miserable lives for a few minutes. Not rocket surgery, but it's a livin'! 	
 	 	 	Eyyy, look at you, huh? Guess I'm not the only comedian in this C.A.M.P.! 	Amused at the player's "no funny business" comment when his whole thing is being a comedian
 	 	 	You got it boss! Let me stash my stuff and I'll get right to work. 	
 	 	 	I tell jokes. I'm a traveling funny-man here all the way from exotic New Jersey. At your service. 	Says "Jersey" with a faux accent ("Joisey"). This and the next few lines are all part of a sales pitch to convince the player to let him stay
 	 	 	Let me stick around and I'll lighten the mood. Maybe show you a few tricks of the trade. Thicken your skin. Teach you some "Comedian Resilience". 	
 	 	 	Yeah, who knows? Anything's possible with Joey Bello in your corner! 	
 	 	 	What can't I do? That's what you should be asking. But you want to know what I do do? You are filthy. I love it! 	"What I do do" is said like "doo-doo" and he's jokingly implying the player is asking about poop
 	 	 	What, like a clown? You think I'm here to make you laugh? 	Pretending to be offended
 	 	 	Well honk my nose and slip me into some oversized shoes cause you nailed it, buddy! 	Happy performance mode
 	 	 	Say "hi" to my supply. 	
 	 	 	Sure thing, boss. 	
 	 	 	Anything else? 	
 	 	 	Sticks and stones, my friend. Sticks and stones. 	
 	 	 	Oh! Forget about it! 	
 	 	 	Go get 'em Tiger! 	
 	 	 	C'mon, I'm just breakin' your balls. 	"I'm just joking around"
 	 	 	You got it! 	
 	 	 	Heard Teddy the Toe Taker was after me but I doubt he'd track me this far. 	
 	 	 	What's on your mind? 	
 	 	 	You ever get so hungry you try eating an alarm clock? It's better than starving but it sure is time consuming. 	
 	 	 	Makes a lot of sense we use caps for our money, doesn't it? America has always been a cap-italist country. Cha-ching! 	
 	 	 	Looking back, we really should have known Communism was going to be a problem for us given all the red flags. 	
 	 	 	What's the difference between a showman and a mobster? When a mobster says "break a leg" they usually mean someone else's. Oh! 	
 	 	 	I had this idea for a jokes-by-mail service right, but it didn't work out. The jokes were hilarious, but the delivery was terrible. 	
 	 	 	I borrowed this pair of shoes from my chem dealer. I don't know what they were laced with but I've been trippin' all day. 	
 	 	 	You ever explore any of the old skyscrapers around here? I don't trust the elevators. In fact, I take steps to avoid them. 	
 	 	 	I was never a big fan of mutations but after walking through that radiation zone I've gotta admit - they're growing on me! 	
 	 	 	I played this prank on this settler when I covered his door knob with adhesive. A week later and the guy's still furious. He just can't let it go! 	
 	 	 	Last night I had to shoot a feral ghoul in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know. 	
 	 	 	What's the worst thing a prison guard can find at a party? An open bar. 	
 	 	 	Growing up I never did learn what the word "apocalypse" meant. Oh well, it's not like it's the end of the world. 	
 	 	 	You hear the one about the drum set that fell off the roof? Badum-tss! Heh. 	
 	 	 	I've taken so many chems I think they're affecting my memory. Not only that, I think they're affecting my memory! 	
 	 	 	You hear about the wedding they held at the old radio tower? The ceremony was only so-so but the reception was amazing! 	
 	 	 	You hear about that junkie that got addicted to soap? He's clean now. Woah! 	
 	 	 	They say if you want to make it in showbiz you gotta be funny! Aw but hey, looks aren't everything. 	
 	 	 	Bada-bing, bada-boom! 	
 	 	 	Hello, fellow Appalachian. 	
 	 	 	Someone close to me died recently. It really makes you think. If the bullet had been another foot to the right... that would've been me! 	
 	 	 	You know I love ya! 	
 	 	 	Don't stop me if you've heard this one before. 	
 	 	 	At your service, boss. What can Joey Bello do for you? 	
 	 	 	My life's an open book! Mostly a cautionary tale. 	
 	 	 	I didn't see nothin'! Who's asking, huh? Oh, whoops. Old habits die hard I guess. Just like me! 	A bit jokey - pretending the player is asking him to snitch on someone (which he's actually used to with dealing with the mafia)
 	 	 	I've made the rounds. 	
 	 	 	You digging up dirt on somebody? 	
 	 	 	Besides you? Yeah, I've met a new face or three. 	
 	 	 	Oh, check it out. 	
 	 	 	Alright. Alright. 	
 	 	 	Not if I see you first, Eh! Ha-ha! 	
 	 	 	Hate to see you got but I love to watch you walk away. Huh? 	
 	 	 	Catch you later, boss. 	
 	 	 	Break a leg! 	
 	 	 	Keep on keepin' on! 	
 	 	 	Ah, looking for a little a "pick-me-up"? 	
 	 	 	See anything you like? 	
 	 	 	Peruse away. 	
 	 	 	You break it, you buy it. 	
 	 	 	Well allow me to assist you with some uh...assistance. 	
 	 	 	First one's free! Wait, nope. Forget it, you didn't hear that. 	
 	 	 	Don't low-ball me. I know what got here. 	
 	 	 	Make yourself aware of my wares. Heh heh. 	
 	 	 	Say no more, say no more! Your pal Joey's gonna show you the ropes of showbiz. 	
 	 	 	Woah-ho, slow down there champ! Don't want you ending up in the burn ward. 	Said as if he's pretending to be a sports coach watching out for an athlete pushing themselves too hard
 	 	 	You gotta recoup your self esteem before I lay into you like that again. 	
 	 	 	Okie-doke, but remember you asked for it! 	
 	 	 	Brace yourself. 	
 	 	 	Hope you got a salve ready cause you're about to get burned. 	
 	 	 	You're a glutton for punishment. 	
 	 	 	One roast, comin' right up! 	
 	 	 	Ever wonder how a comedian gets up on stage to suffer the slings and arrows of all them hecklin' asshats without even so much as breakin' a sweat? 	says "slings and arrows" in a mock Shakespearean actor tone
 	 	 	Two words. Comedian. Resilience. 	Sales pitch.
 	 	 	You don't owe those chucklefucks nothin'! Pardon my French. You're a star! Who the hell are they to boo you? 	Motivation speech
 	 	 	See what you gotta do is flip their aggressive energy on them and make it yours. 	
 	 	 	Let their insults, or flying tatos, bounce off you like water off a radgull's back. Capeesh? 	
 	 	 	Quick learner. I like that about you. 	
 	 	 	It's what you get when you cross a gull with a nuke. I dunno, I'm not a scientist. 	Brushing this off - player's question is not important
 	 	 	So here's what happens next. I'm gonna roast you and you're just gonna laugh it off. After that nothing's gonna get under your skin. 	
 	 	 	It'll build up your resilience like firewalkers walkin' barefoot on hot coals. Mind over matter. It's like psychiatry or y'know some crap like that but it works!	
 	 	 	You just give me the word when you're ready. 	
 	 	 	Walk it off! 	
 	 	 	Too bad they don't make stimpaks for feelings, huh? 	
 	 	 	Whoa! The language on you. 	Faux shock. He's in on the joke
 	 	 	Fuggedaboutit! 	
 	 	 	You kiss your mother with that mouth? 	
 	 	 	Water off a radgull's back, baby! 	
 	 	 	Now you're ready to take on the world. 	
 	 	 	Boom. Roasted. 	
 	 	 	Got 'em! 	
 	 	 	You want I should call the Responders to come treat that burn? 	
 	 	 	Badum-tss! 	
 	 	 	Zing! 	
 	 	 	Let me know if you need some ice for that burn. 	
 	 	 	You're so dumb when you were a baby your dad gave you an "I'm S.P.E.C.A.L." book. That's "special" without the I for intelligence, dummy. 	SPECAL pronounced "speckle"
 	 	 	Your aim's so bad when you throw rocks at the ground you miss! 	
 	 	 	You're so ugly you make me wanna quit drinking just in case I ever start seeing two of youse! 	
 	 	 	You're so fat when they need a new nuke code they just get you to hop on a scale. Ha-hoh! Boom! 	
 	 	 	You're so uncivilized the only culture you've got is mold. 	
 	 	 	Your stench is so bad you make me wish I was a ghoul just so I didn't have a nose. 	
 	 	 	If being ugly was a crime you'd be on the most wanted list. And given your looks it'd probably be the first time anybody's ever wanted you. 	
 	 	 	I never forget a face, but in your case I wish I could make an exception. Yours looks like it caught fire and someone put it out with a tire iron. 	
 	 	 	You're so stupid it takes you an entire hour to make Instamash. 	
 	 	 	I heard you was strong but I guess they were talking about your stench! Pee-yoo. Your breath would make onions cry! 	
 	 	 	You're so stupid when you heard it was chilly outside you grabbed a bowl and spoon. 	
 	 	 	Your family tree must have been a cactus 'cause you're a real prick. 	
 	 	 	You must have a real open mind, 'cause I can hear the wind whistling through your ears. 	
 	 	 	Yeesh, you're so ugly you could become ghoulified and no one would even notice. 	
 	 	 	How 'bout, your cranium called. It's got some space to rent. Haha! 	
 	 	 	You're so fat when you go camping the yao guai have to hide their food! 	Yao guai - Yao rhymes with "Ow!" and Guai rhymes with "eye"
 	 	 	You're so dumb when you play Russian Roulette you cheat and load an extra bullet. Lucky for you your aim's so bad even at that range you miss! 	
 	 	 	You're so ugly you don't need a Stealth Boy to be sneaky 'cause nobody ever wants to look at you. 	
 	 	 	You're so fat when you try to haul ass it takes you two trips! 	
 	 	 	Exactly! It turns out if you make 'em laugh then maybe they won't make you bleed. Keep 'em laughing and maybe they'll keep you alive. 	
 	 	 	Hell, tell 'em the occasional groaner and they might even toss a few tatos your way. Kid's gotta eat, right? 	
 	 	 	Hey if you've got something they want and they can't take it from your corpse then you're more valuable to them alive than dead. 	
 	 	 	Everybody needs a good laugh and I provide 'em with the jokes! 	
 	 	 	And that's the story of how Joey Bello became a standup comedian. Course if I'm lucky enough to get a stool I happily become a sitdown one. Get it? 	
 	 	 	Don't worry. It's just a nickname. 	
 	 	 	Teddy's actually short for Theodore. Heh-heh. 	Joke here is that you'd think "Toe Taker" was the nickname, not that Teddy was the nickname. He really does take toes.
 	 	 	Speaking of funny nicknames d'you know Dick is short for Richard? No kidding. Now you're probably asking yourself how do you get Dick from Richard. 	
 	 	 	You gotta ask him nice! Hey-oh! 	
 	 	 	Before the big one my family lived in a small town on the outskirts of New Jersey, back when I was just an ankle-biter. 	A bit casual. It was also a long time ago so he's not too broken up about it.
 	 	 	After the bombs it was just me and ma left. We stuck it out there for awhile, ya know best we could, then made our way towards Atlantic City. 	
 	 	 	She tried her best but ma just wasn't cut out for life in the apocalypse. Her spirit died. Then her body joined it. I was, you know probably eleven? 	Said casually/joking but he is a bit sensitive about his mom
 	 	 	Ma was always super supportive though! Even back then when I told her I wanted to be a comedian she'd just laugh so hard. 	
 	 	 	It took a few years and a few scars but I eventually made it to Atlantic City. I started small, scored some gigs on the pier, even earned some caps! 	
 	 	 	It's a hard-knock life, kid, but hey that's showbiz! 	
 	 	 	Ma said dad was a hero. A firefighter. Lost him and my brothers in the aftermath of the bombs. 	Proud his dad was a hero even though he barely knew him. Also a bit bitter he died
 	 	 	I barely remember my old man let alone my brothers. They were all bigger and older than me. Big enough to help out, old enough to get themselves killed. 	A bit bitter - he believes putting your neck out to help gets you killed and that cost him his family.
 	 	 	New Jersey? Oof, freakin' horrible. Poisonous chems on the streets, filth everywhere, people killin' each other over a can of beans... 	Exaggerated. This is a self-dig joke. He actually loves New Jersey
 	 	 	And then the bombs dropped. Ah-ha, hey-oh! 	implying all the bad stuff existed before the bomb
 	 	 	Nah, I'm just talkin' smack. 	
 	 	 	Whoa, watch your mouth! Huh? Ain't nobody earned the right to talk about New Jersey until you've called it home. 	Doesn't want the player making fun of New Jersey
 	 	 	Truth is, it's not as bad as some places and helluva lot better than some others. Atlantic City's a real good time if you've got the caps. 	
 	 	 	I'd tell you to tell 'em Joey sent you if you ever find your way to AC, but it's probably a bad idea if you're a fan of havin' unbroken legs. 	
 	 	 	'Cause my aim ain't shit! Whoops, sorry ma. I couldn't hit water if I fell in a lake. Took me 16 years just to hit puberty. 	"sorry" cause he slipped up and swore
 	 	 	Sure, I'll throw hands in a barroom brawl but when spit really hits the fan I get the hell outta Dodge. 	
 	 	 	I guess you could call me a "running joke"! Ha ha ha ha! Zing! 	
 	 	 	Look, life was hard out there for a kid. Guy like me crosses paths with a raider and all they see is a punching bag. 	Half serious but also laughing at himself a bit/self aware
 	 	 	You know how they say when you got a hammer every problem looks like a nail? Well when you're a comedian all your problems look like punchlines. 	
 	 	 	So I crack wise. Tell a joke. Break the ice and then hope they don't break my bones. 	
 	 	 	Short story short, I made a joke at a made man's expense and he wanted payback. 	This and the following lines are half truth, half a joke setup
 	 	 	Thankfully I got tipped off by a pal on the inside. "Joey! You really crossed the line this time!" he says. 	
 	 	 	"I know, I know! How much is it going to cost me to smooth things over?" I ask. "Two caps", he says. 	
 	 	 	I'm thinking, "Two caps? That's nothing! What's the catch?" 	
 	 	 	Turns out they wanted my knee caps! 	
 	 	 	I've grown real attached to my legs so I hoofed it outta town with just the clothes on my back and the caps in my pocket. Use 'em or lose 'em, right? 	
 	 	 	'Cause I dropped out of school and did a lot of chems. 	A joke at comedians' expense
 	 	 	Nah, I'm just breakin' your balls. I never went to school! 	
 	 	 	The truth is it was a survival tactic. I was always a small fry. Ya know, runt of the litter. Easy pickings for gangs and raiders. 	
 	 	 	Comedy kept me alive. 	
 	 	 	What, am I not blending in with the local yokels? What gave it away? My cultural refinement and foreign charm? 	All said in jest. He's new to Appalachia and aware that New Jersey isn't known for its cultural refinement either
 	 	 	Nah, I'm from back East. New Jersey born and raised. 	
 	 	 	Ya, when I was a kid I was obsessed with one-liners. Every joke I ever heard got committed to memory. 	
 	 	 	You used to be able to buy these packs of gum with a joke inside. I spent every cent of my allowance buyin' those packs and I don't even like gum! 	
 	 	 	I hate to admit it, but nearly every joke I know has been borrowed or jacked. 	
 	 	 	Truth is I'm just another scavenger doin' his best to survive. 'Course I'm standing in the spotlight getting an applause doin' it but eh, same thing. 	
 	 	 	I scavenge from old first-aid kits and bathroom cupboards when I can. That or I dip into the ole "swear jar" for caps and trade for 'em. 	
 	 	 	Why, you lookin' to buy? 	
 	 	 	Yeah, you do! Go get 'em Tiger! 	Hyping up the player, a fellow chem abuser
 	 	 	They have this stuff back in Atlantic City that makes Psycho look like bubblegum. 	
 	 	 	Never tried it myself - ya know, way out of my class, but I hear that shit's on a whole 'nother level. 	
 	 	 	They say laughter's the best medicine but let's be real. You ever find me bleeding out just go ahead and jab me with every feel-good chem you got. 	
 	 	 	Yeah, I know but what doesn't? Way I see it everything we do might kill us. Might as well feel good doing it. 	Defensive/humored at the naive stance of the player. He's been using chems a long time and has heard this all before
 	 	 	I knew this meatball back in Atlantic City. Wouldn't touch chems. Said they were too addictive. 	
 	 	 	This chucklehead was always drinking brake fluid instead. Claimed he could stop at any time! Ha ha ha! 	"stop any time" is a punchline (cause the guy was drinking brake fluid)
 	 	 	Look, I know this crap ain't good for me but what's a guy gonna do? Quit? Ma never raised no quitter. 	Dismissive. Also tosses in a joke about not being a quitter as if the act of quitting is worse than doing chems
 	 	 	I guess it depends on your definition of "a lot" but yeah I'm something of a chem connoisseur. Started taking Daytripper when I was still a kid. 	
 	 	 	They say chems screw with your growth but I was always short for my age even before that. 	
 	 	 	In fact, I was so short that when I took Daytripper I didn't even get high. I got medium! 	
 	 	 	Woah-whoa hey! Fuck you, huh. I don't go to where you work and tell you how to eat a dick! 	More surprised than pure rage. He is angry but is masking it a bit with a snap comeback/insult
 	 	 	Aw, fuck! Heh, you got me. Sorry ma, that's 10 caps for the swear jar. Shit. I mean spit! I mean ah-fu... ah sorry ma. 	Realizes he lost his cool and is embarrassed/disappointed
 	 	 	What, like smashin' melons with a super sledge? Thanks for the advice but maybe leave the comedy routine to me, rookie? 	
 	 	 	You forgot handsome! But thanks, boss. Happy to be here. 	
 	 	 	Yeah, but looks aren't everything, am I right? 	
 	 	 	Lay it on me! 	
 	 	 	I once tried doing stand-up for a herd of brahmin but I got mooed off stage. Heh-ha! 	
 	 	 	Heard they're trying out a new strategy to keep the caravans hidden from raiders. They're calling it cow-moo-flage. Heh-ha-ha! 	
 	 	 	I asked 'em if they deliver chems but they told me they want to keep drugs away from the brahmin. Guess they're worried the steaks'll get too high. Come on! 	
 	 	 	When I'm ready to hit the road I might try hitching a ride with 'em West. I wonder if they could get me to Kentucky? Gotta save up some caps first. 	
 	 	 	I'm sure they mean well but with a name like "Foundation" you gotta expect people to walk all over you. 	Kind of shaking his head. He thinks "Foundation" is too nice for their own good
 	 	 	Ward claims he's keepin' an eye on the "vital equipment" but it must be hard if he's gazin' through the bottom of a bottle as often as I think he is. 	Implying he thinks Ward is an alcoholic
 	 	 	Those raiders up in Crater seem pretty decent Yeah, for raiders at least. I've certainly rubbed elbows with worse. 	
 	 	 	But if you ever end up drinking with 'em make sure you don't ever order a round of shots. Good way to trigger a massacre. Heh, God I kill me. 	Implying that ordering shots leads to a shootout
 	 	 	Those Blood Eagles? You ever cross paths with them I suggest that you, uh, don't. Those rotters really make me think twice about doing chems. 	Blood Eagles are bad news. Even Joey doesn't want to have anything to do with them
 	 	 	Of course thinking twice takes a lot of brainpower and then I want some Mentats. 	Joke/self-dig since he's a chem user
 	 	 	But I'd rather try to get high sniffin' brahmin farts than deal with the Blood Eagles. 	
 	 	 	You hear this gal "Rose" on the radio? She sounds like a firecracker. Maybe I'll try to track her down and see if she wants to go day tripping. 	
 	 	 	The raiders out here should really think about getting in on the protection racket. 	
 	 	 	That's where you get people to pay you to protect them from what you'll do to them if they ever stop paying you. 	
 	 	 	You know if they're booking gigs? It might be nice to play a classy joint like The Whitespring once in a while, yeah if I stick around. 	
 	 	 	Oh, oh! What do you call a radstag on a stage? A deer in stage lights! Ha ha! Wocka-wocka! 	This is a joke commonly heard at the Whitespring and Joey is parroting/mocking it a bit cause he knows it's super cheesy.
 	 	 	Seem like good people. Pretty stupid of 'em to put their necks out there but... ya know, sounds like the kinda outfit Dad would've signed up with. 	He's a bit bitter cause his dad died helping people but he also can't help but be a little impressed at people who help others
 	 	 	More like the Brotherhood of Stealin', am I right? 	
 	 	 	Bet they'd like us to think they're named for the shiny Power Armor they wear but really it's 'cause they're always pinching everybody's stuff. 	
 	 	 	How many knights does it take to change a light bulb? Only one to screw it in but an entire squadron to take it from whoever owned it before that. Ha! 	
 	 	 	You meet these guys, "The Brotherhood of Steel"? 	Said like a late night comedian setup
 	 	 	You meet those folks working out of the Whitespring Hotel? The Responders. 	Said like a late night comedian setup
 	 	 	I've started picking up who's who when it comes to your local flavors of Raider. 	
 	 	 	There's this settlement calling themselves "Foundation". 	Said like a late night comedian setup
 	 	 	You do any jobs with the Blue Ridge Caravan Company? The Brahmin drivers? 	
 	 	 	You ever run into these Mothman Cultist whackadoos? 	Said like a late night comedian setup
 	 	 	I'm guessing you've seen those "Super Mutants". How could you miss 'em, right? 	Said like a late night comedian setup
 	 	 	What's the deal with robots? 	Said like a late night comedian setup
 	 	 	The other day I bumped into this "Insult-bot". Geez, they weren't kidding when they said the robots were coming for everybody's jobs were they? 	
 	 	 	But hey, funny is funny. I might just might have to "borrow" some of his material. Eyy-yoink. 	
 	 	 	I visited that Metal Dome place the other day. You know, the arena run by the Rust Eagles? 	
 	 	 	I placed bets on the kill-bots thinking there was no way robots programmed to do nothing but kill could possibly lose. But... zero won. Ha! Get it? 	Says "zero won" in a mock robot voice like "zero one"
 	 	 	I was poking around VTU and stumbled across this robot in a tattoo parlor. Bartender and drinking buddy all-in-one. Now that's my kind of robot! 	
 	 	 	You know, I once had a one night stand with a robot back in Atlantic City. I wanted to cuddle but it just wanted to screw, nut, and bolt! Hahahaha! 	
 	 	 	Come on! I'd heard Appalachia has its hillbillies but you're telling me there's really a whole group of rednecks out here worshipping a giant bug? 	Amused disbelief
 	 	 	I mean sure, the Piney's back home have their Jersey Devil but at least you don't find 'em praying to it. 	
 	 	 	Why'd the robot cross the road? It was programmed to be a chicken. Baw-cawk! 	
 	 	 	What has broken arms, broken legs, and lies at the bottom of a pier? People who tell jokes about the mafia. Ay-ay-ay! 	"Ay-ay-ay" is feigned worry. Like "I hope the mob didn't hear that".
 	 	 	You know what we call a classy person back in New Jersey? A visitor. 	
 	 	 	You hear about the wise-guy that got a job workin' as a housekeeper? Yeah, he's a maid man. Oh, I'm cleanin' up here! 	
 	 	 	What's a mobster's favorite game? Whack-the-mole. Ha ha! 	
 	 	 	Why is breakfast cereal so bad at stand-up comedy? 'Cause Sugar Bombs! Get it? Sugar. Bombs. Yeah, all right, forget it. 	
 	 	 	What'd the redneck say to his girlfriend when they broke up? Let's just be cousins. Haha! 	
 	 	 	You hear that Santatron has a new comedy act? Yeah, it sleighs. Ho ho ho haha! 	
 	 	 	Why'd the snitch feel nervous around calendars? Cause his days were numbered. Bada-boom! 	
 	 	 	How does a mobster keep a clean conscience? Easy, they never use it. 	
 	 	 	If you've got four drinks in one hand and another 3 in the other what have you got? Alcoholism. Badum-bump! 	
 	 	 	A friend of mine stared selling fireworks, grenades, missiles, and TNT. Y'know he says business is booming. 	
 	 	 	Why'd the mafia put a hit out on the mime? He had to be silenced. 	
 	 	 	A blindfolded man walks into a bar. Then a table. Then a chair. Ha-ha, you see? 	
 	 	 	What do you call a mobster who's gotten too many rads? A gabaghoul! 	Gabagool = gaba-ghoul. Said with a strong fake Italian accent.
 	 	 	Before I insult anyone I like to first walk a mile in their shoes. Yeah that way I'm a mile away and I got their shoes. 	
 	 	 	What'd the Vault-tec employee say when he saw the nukes dropping? Armageddon outta here! 	
 	 	 	I heard an old acquaintance of mine died the other day. We weren't that close, which is good, cause he stepped on a land mine. 	
 	 	 	How many mobsters does it take to throw a snitch off a cliff? None, he slipped and fell all by himself. 	
 	 	 	What do you get when you cross a mob boss and his right hand man? A bullet to the head. 	
 	 	 	You hear about that cool bachelor party they threw for the two-headed buck? It was a real rad radstag stag. 	
 	 	 	You ever get so hungry you try eating an alarm clock? It's better than starving but it sure is time consuming. 	
 	 	 	I had this idea for a jokes-by-mail service but it didn't work out. The jokes were hilarious but the delivery was terrible. 	
 	 	 	I borrowed this pair of shoes from my chem dealer. I don't know what they were laced with but I've been trippin' all day. 	
 	 	 	You ever explore any of the old skyscrapers around here? I don't trust the elevators. In fact, I take steps to avoid them. 	
 	 	 	I was never a big fan of mutations but after walking through that radiation zone I've gotta admit - they're growing on me! 	
 	 	 	I played this prank on this settler where I covered his door knob with adhesive. A week later and the guy's still furious. He just can't let it go! 	
 	 	 	Growing up I never did learn what the word "apocalypse" meant. Oh well, it's not like it's the end of the world. 	
 	 	 	You hear about the wedding they held at the old radio tower? The ceremony was only so-so but the reception was amazing! 	
 	 	 	You hear about that junkie that got addicted to soap? He's clean now. 	
 	 	 	Makes a lot of sense we use caps for our money, doesn't it? America has always been a cap-italist country. Cha-ching! 	
 	 	 	What's the worst thing a prison guard can find at a party? An open bar. 	
 	 	 	You hear the one about the drum set that fell off the roof? Badum-tss! Heh. 	
 	 	 	Got it. I'll keep my shoes on. 	A bit cold. Player might kick him out at any time and he knows it.
 	 	 	Thanks, boss. I appreciate it. I know I joke around a lot but I mean it. 	sincere. The player has been kind to him and he knows it
 	 	 	Was thinking I'd head West. Save up some caps here telling jokes then see if I can hire the Blue Ridge Caravan Company to take me towards Kentucky. 	
 	 	 	I've heard rumors Vegas might still be standing. Maybe I'll head there eventually, or try for Reno. Who knows, might even make it to Hollywood! 	
 	 	 	Next time you see Joey Bello it could be in gorgeous PanaLuxe Color! Which I'm guessing is like real life, only better cause it's made in Hollywood. 	He know's this is an unrealistic dream but is selling it
 	 	 	Nah, not forever. Appalachia's nice, but I'm not sure if it's a fit, you know? I'll be here a while if you'll have me. Got to save up some caps. 	
 	 	 	There's this one, Grahm, eh he seems alright. Tried to sell me meat. I tried to teach him a joke, but he butchered it. 	
 	 	 	Everybody likes to hate on Super Mutants but y'know they're not all bad. It's just that 99% of them that give the rest a bad name. 	
 	 	 	Yeah next time maybe just kick me in the balls instead, huh? Still, I guess I could take my own advice and grow a thicker skin. 	
 	 	 	Yeah I guess you ruffled this radgull's feathers huh? Maybe I'm gettin' soft, I wasn't expecting you to lay into me like that. Well criticism noted. 	Trying to act amused but he was rattled by the player being so mean
 	 	 	Alright, but you didn't hear it from me. 	
 	 	 	Here's the scoop. 	
 	 	 	Good idea. Better to let 'em air out a little bit. 	
 	 	 	Oh yeah, don't want to have too much fun, right? 	
 	 	 	I got you! 	
 	 	 	What, you think I'm made of jokes? Alright try this one on. 	
 	 	 	That's it. That's all the jokes I got. Nah! I'm kidding! 	
 	 	 	This one slayed 'em back home. 	
 	 	 	I'll be here all night. And day. 	
 	 	 	Thanks, you've been a great audience. 	Said as if ending a show
 	 	 	Goodnight everybody! 	Mock sign off as if he just finished a stand up set
 	 	 	That? That's my swear jar. You know! My cuss pot, my curse can, my profanity pitcher. It's where I toss a few caps if I slip up and drop an F-bomb. 	
Category:Once in a Blue Moon dialogue files