Disorder in the Court

Disorder in the Court is the seventh episode of season three, and the twenty-second episode overall, of No Malarkey in Bikini Bottom. It premiered on October 7, 2020.
== Plot ==
Contoversy erupts over President Trump's plan to quickly fill the Supreme Court seat of the late Ruth Bader Ginsburg, as Election Day approaches.
== Transcript ==
[The episode opens with a flashback to 2010, when Barack Obama was President and Democrats controlled the Senate. Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg is bedridden in a hospital room.]
[President Obama enters the room.]
Mr. Obama: Your Honor, I need to talk to you.
Mrs. Ginsburg: What did you do now? Are the Republicans attacking you due to war crimes you committed, and they actually have a solid case? Don’t worry, Mr. President, I’ll get everything sorted out.
Mr. Obama: Actually, no, that’s the one thing Republicans don’t attack me for. Anyways, this isn’t about me, this is about you.
Mrs. Ginsburg: About me? What happened?
Mr. Obama: You’re bedridden in a hospital room, and this isn’t the first time.
Mrs. Ginsburg: So what?
Mr. Obama: You need to resign. We can’t have one of the most liberal justices on the Court constantly on the verge of death! The Republicans are bound to take the Senate this year, and they may take the presidency in 2012 or 2016. So just to be safe, resign now, I’ll nominate a liberal justice, and the Senate will confirm them. 
Mrs. Ginsburg: No way! Who do you think I am, some sort of mortal?! I’m as immortal as they come!
Mr. Obama: No you’re not, only turtles are immortal!
Mrs. Ginsburg: [laughs] Ha, we’ll see about that, Barack!
[Present day. Cut to BBTV Studios.]
Mr. Perkins: It is with deep sadness that I inform you that Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg has passed away. A committed fighter for the rights of the little guy, she has touched the hearts of many. President Trump has stated his intention to nominate a justice very soon, and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell has pledged to hold a vote almost immediately after.
Mrs. Plankton: What?! That’s hypocrisy! Didn’t McConnell say in 2016 that a Supreme Court confirmation vote shouldn’t take place in an election year?
Mr. Perkins: Well, he’s said a lot of things during his Senate career. He’s been there for a long time, and probably will remain there forever, since he is a turtle, after all. He’ll be speaking to journalists shortly.
[Cut to the Obama residence.]
Mr. Obama: [laughs] Ha, I told you so, Ruth! Nobody but turtles are immortal!
[Cut to the Senate Press Briefing Room.]
Mr. McConnell: [head pops out of shell] Greetings. A while ago, I ordered an indefinite recess since we couldn’t pass a bill to combat the Plague, but I shall be ending it now, after hearing about the Supreme Court vacancy as a result of the passing of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. We will have a justice confirmed by Election Day. Fill the seat! Any questions?
Journalist: A lot of Bikini Bottomites are saying that this is very hypocritical of you. In 2016—
Mr. McConnell: That’s a different story. In 2016, we had a divided government. A Democrat ran the White House and Republicans ran the Senate. Now, we have a united government.
Journalist: Well, that’s pretty stupid.
Mr. McConnell: Nope.
Journalist: One more question. Do you, on behalf of your party, have a statement regarding Justice Ginsburg’s passing?
Mr. McConnell: We’re all very sad about it. We’ll spend a long time reflecting on this sudden and shocking tragedy—
[Suddenly, Mr. McConnell’s cell phone rings.]
Mr. McConnell: [picks it up] Hello?
Mr. Sullivan: It’s me, Senator Sullivan. I’m at the party. Trump is currently higher than the death toll of the genocides he’s aiding!
Mr. McConnell: Oh dear. Just make sure Trump doesn’t announce the nomination until after his high is over, I don’t want him saying anything especially stupid. I’ll be there soon.
Mr. Sullivan: When do we bring in the hoes?
Mr. McConnell: DAN! We will NOT have any “hoes” at the party, you sexual degenerate!
Mr. Sullivan: You can’t stop me! [hangs up]
Mr. McConnell: [mutters to himself] No wonder that damn fool is about to lose to a talking banana—
Journalist: You’re having a party?
Mr. McConnell: [sweating] Uh… [head goes back into shell]
Journalist: Huh? Mr. McConnell? Where are you?
[The next day. Cut to the White House.]
Mr. Trump: It is with great pleasure that I nominate Judge Amy Coney Barrett to fill Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s seat at the Supreme Court! Amy, please take the stage.
[As Mrs. Barrett walks towards the podium, Mr. Trump appears right next to her.]
Mr. Trump: [whispering] I’m nominating you for a reason, Amy, because of what you did during the 2000 election. You better help me.
Mrs. Barrett: [whispering] Don’t worry, Mr. President, I’ll get everything sorted out. [walks up to podium] Greetings, Bikini Bottom! Once I am confirmed as your next Supreme Court Justice, I will protect all Bikini Bottomites on the Court, including the unborn. Overturn Roe v. Wade!
[Cut to BBTV Studios.]
Mr. Perkins: While President Trump and his party are committed to nominating and confirming Judge Barrett to the Supreme Court by Election Day, all other parties have condemned this move, saying that Bikini Bottomites should take a vote before the Senate does. We shall hear what some of the presidential candidates have to say right now.
[Cut to the Biden virtual camp.]
Mr. Sanders: Ruth Bader Ginsburg has spent her life fighting for reproductive rights, we cannot have her successor be an individual who would overturn Roe v. Wade!
Mr. Biden: Overturn Roe v. Wade? Absolutely! Abortion is a sin! We must support the President in filling the seat, and we must stop the liberals from taking over this November!
Mr. G: I agree! Babies shouldn’t be killed by an abortion, they should be killed by a drone strike!
Mr. Fancyson: If there aren’t enough fish being born, there aren’t enough fish for my businesses to exploit! So shut up, you socialist, we didn’t rig the primary against you so you can get a platform here right now! [ejects Mr. Sanders from the meeting]
[Cut to the Renaud virtual camp.]
Mr. Renaud: We should wait until after I get elected for a nomination and confirmation. I already know who I’m gonna nominate, Professor Alan Dershowitz! He’ll make sure that the things I abolish stay abolished!
[Cut to the Pepperchicken virtual camp.]
Mr. Pepperchicken: While Judge Barrett has a solid record against the homosexual militant agenda, I don’t trust anyone nominated by those sellout Republicans! Only a true fighter for the heterosexual cause, like me, can nominate a fellow true fighter!
[Cut to the R’Onion virtual camp.]
Mr. R’Onion: We cannot get rid of the institution of abortion! In fact, we should make it mandatory for all pregnant women! If no more fish are born, the tree genocide will eventually stop!
Mr. Pineapple: Wait! I have an idea!
Mr. R’Onion: What is it?
Mr. Pineapple: We can assassinate Mr. McConnell!
Mr. R’Onion: So you haven’t been paying attention in my class! You should know that turtles are—
Mr. Pineapple: Mr. McConnell is the Majority Leader, so if he’s out, the Republicans would have a civil war picking their next one, so I don’t think a vote could be held in time. Also, his state’s pro-abortion governor can select his replacement, and that would hopefully be someone with his view! Hmm, who can we get to carry out this? I got it! TIM! If you’re watching this, do what I just said, because Mr. McConnell is gay!
Mr. R’Onion: I don’t think it’s very professional to suggest an assassination plot on live television.
Mr. Pineapple: Pft, why not?
[Mr. Banana and two Secret Service agents crash through a window next to Mr. Pineapple.]
Mr. Banana: Reported to the Secret Service.
[The two agents arrest Mr. Pineapple and throw him in a van.]
Mr. R’Onion: I have never seen such unprofessional behavior from my students! Now that Travis will be in jail, he’s going to miss out on all his work! He’s falling incredibly behind!
[Cut to the Pepperchicken residence.]
Mr. Pepperchicken: WHAT?! HE’S GAY?! I must carry out Mr. Pineapple’s plan!
[Cut to the McConnell residence.]
Mr. McConnell: [opens the door] Someone could’ve died at that party, it was wild. Well, that someone certainly couldn’t have been me, as I am—
[Mr. Pepperchicken shouts from across the street.]
Mr. Pepperchicken: Mr. McConnell, you filthy homosexual, prepare to meet your fate!
[Mr. Pepperchicken throws a bomb at Mr. McConnell, who quickly goes into his shell. The resulting explosion burns down his house and Mr. Pepperchicken flees the scene.]
Mr. McConnell: [pops out of his shell] —Immortal.
[Cut to BBTV News.]
Mr. Perkins: BREAKING NEWS! Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell’s house was just bombed. Obviously, he was unharmed. So far, no perpetrators have been identified. We have our reporters at the scene.
[Cut to the ruins of the McConnell residence.]
Mrs. Plankton: Senator, how do you feel about this explosion?
Mr. McConnell: What explosion?
Mrs. Plankton: What?! Is your head alright?! Look around you!
Mr. McConnell: [looks at the ruins] Oh. I just ducked when I saw some guy called me a homosexual and then threw something at me.
Mrs. Plankton: This is the first time in decades when an assassination attempt was made on a prominent politician, does this reflect on the increasing political tensions in Bikini Bottom?
Mr. McConnell: I guess. Now that my house is ruined, I’ll head to Washington right now and start the proceedings for confirming Justice Barrett.
[Cut to the Oval Office. Mr. McConnell, Mr. Pence, and Mr. Trump are having a tense meeting.]
Mr. Pence: Mitch, we have to get this confirmation done as soon as possible. The polls aren’t looking good for Donald and I, she’s the only person that would guarantee us a second term.
Mr. Trump: Those are fake polls!
Mr. McConnell: I shall do my best to hold a vote immediately. We don’t need any hearings. [coughs]
Mr. Pence: Cover your mouth! We’re in a pandemic!
Mr. Trump: Mike is right! I am very disturbed by all the fish who are saying they won’t vote for me! Sleepy Joe has launched a pandemic of information!
Mr. McConnell: Don’t you mean misinformation? [coughs]
Mr. Trump: Yeah, that. But before we do anything, I shall head to the Bikini Bottom Jail.
Mr. McConnell: What for? [coughs]
Mr. Trump: A certain someone has been arrested for talking about assassinating you, and I want to go see her!
Mr. Pence: Give her the death penalty!
Mr. Trump: [chuckles] Oh, I give her a death penalty, alright!
[Cut to the Bikini Bottom Jail. Mr. Pineapple is sitting alone in a jail cell.]
Mr. Pineapple: Why am I in jail? I didn’t commit crimes against humanity, unlike Donald Trump, Joe Biden, Barack Obama, Kelpy G, and worst of all, Bernie Sanders!
[Mr. Trump stands outside of the cell.]
Mr. Pineapple: Is that our great President Donald J. Trump?! Are you going to pardon me?!
Mr. Trump: Nope. But I’m going to do something to you. [unzips pants]
Mr. Pineapple: Wait! Before you do anything, just pardon me!
Mr. Trump: Hmm...only if we do this every day!
Mr. Pineapple: Deal!
Mr. Trump: Alright, let’s get this in writing.
Mr. Pineapple: I suggest you don’t write this, since it would constitute quid pro quo.
Mr. Trump: Honestly, I’m not sure what that even means.
Mr. Pineapple: It means you can’t fuck me.
Mr. Trump: Hmm...then I guess I have no choice. Travis Pineapple, I hereby declare you pardoned!
[The prison guard releases Mr. Pineapple from his cell.]
Mr. Trump: [takes off his suit] Now, are you ready for the most beautiful, wonderful, fabulous, tremendous—
[Suddenly, Mr. Pineapple dashes out of the prison.]
Mr. Trump: What?! [looks around] Where’d he go?! Guard, seize her! She broke the deal!
Prison Guard: Well, it wasn’t in writing.
Mr. Trump: You know what they say, never trust a non-boater.
Prison Guard: You’ve made the same mistake with Pepperchicken, and that caused enormous consequences for you! Don’t you know that Pineapple is the Green Party’s vice presidential nominee?
Mr. Trump: Pft, what kind of boater—I mean, voter—would choose the Green Party? I’m sure nothing bad will happen.
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