The Bear-a-Stiff Glee Dan Treatment/Transcript

This is the transcript for the Meredith's New Jerseyan Life episode, The Bear-a-Stiff Glee Dan Treatment.
==FX Presents and TV-MA Warning (before Part 1)==
===FX Presents===
Narrator: FX presents: Meredith's New Jerseyan Life.
[FX]
MEREDITH'S NEW
JERSEYAN LIFE
===TV-MA Warning===
Narrator: The following program is rated TV-MA-LS. It contains strong language, sexual situations and nudity. It is intended only for mature audiences.
(TV) – (L) LANGUAGE
(MA) – (S) SEXUAL SITUATIONS
THIS PROGRAM CONTAINS NUDITY
VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED
==Viewer Discretion Advised (before Parts 2 and 3)==
Narrator: Viewer discretion advised.
(TV) – (L) LANGUAGE
(MA) – (S) SEXUAL SITUATIONS
THIS PROGRAM CONTAINS NUDITY
VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED
==Story==
Opening Logo
*2021 FX logo
===Part 1===
AUGUST 6, 2022
Letter_of_the_Day_Transition.png
(Transition to Meredith)
Meredith: Greetings, everybody. My name is Meredith Bortz and welcome to the season 10 finale of Meredith's New Jerseyan Life. This episode is gonna be more of a season review rather than being out in the community and as we've got a lot of stuff to talk about this week, let's get into it. First up…
Yellow_Paper_Transition.png
Children: Mad!
(Transition to her)
Meredith: Season 11 will be starting production next summer and I would like to look back at all the moments from this season. P.S. to the haters out there: go f**k yourselves. (she raises her middle finger) You guys hoped to see me in Avalon instead of Ocean City after the events of Avalon Adventure but it turns out I would stay in Ocean City this season.
Maxine (off-screen): Hey, Meredith.
Meredith: Oh, here come my friends. (Maxine, Alexandra and the black and white spies walk into the room) Hey, guys. What up?
Maxine: We came to chat with you. Are you in the middle of something?
Meredith: I was just telling the audience that they and I would review season 10 because Zach and I have gotten a worse-case scenario treatment.
Alexandra: What kind of treatment is it? A Jesus-related one? (she laughs)
Meredith: Jesus, Alexandra, I don't have a Jesus Christ-related treatment. Jesus does. Zach and I have a treatment related to a couple who broke up two months ago.
Alexandra: I see. Well, good luck.
Maxine: Yeah, good luck to you, Meredith.
White Spy: Whoo! Good luck with the treatment, jackass!
Black Spy: Treatment's all up in your grill! Good luck!
Meredith: Thanks, guys. See you later.
(Maxine, Alexandra and the black and white spies leave and Black Spy shuts the door on the way out. Meredith turns back to the audience)
Meredith: My friends are without a doubt, supportive to me during these times. Anyway, I have a story to tell you all. Transition please.
Alfred_E._Neuman_Heads_Transition.png
Alfred E. Neuman Heads: Mad, mad, mad, mad!
(Transition to her)
Meredith: Due to his unwanted messages becoming unbearable to her, Bear-a-Stiff Glee Dan unfollows Factory Beat and removes him as a follower on Instagram as his actions infringed upon her right to be free of harassment. Beat, a man who doesn't go to college but rather works as a cart pusher at a Karns grocery store in Hershey, Pennsylvania, is desperate to do stuff with Glee Dan, a student at Bucknell University in Lewisburg, Pennsylvania outside of college and work. But his desperateness gets worse when she tells him to stop all communication with her, much to his dismay. As a matter of fact, the messages were not just unbearable; but were unwanted and made her uncomfortable too. Glee Dan doesn't talk to Beat as much as they used to when she was a freshman in college and he was at an internship program to get a job. They talked once a month by video chatting each other along with their friends, Halex Bandra Bing and B-Livia Bee Brick. All four were students at Hershey High School in Hershey, Pennsylvania. Glee Dan and Bing are upcoming juniors at Bucknell and Clemson University in Clemson, South Carolina, respectively, and Bee Brick is an upcoming sophomore at Temple University in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. But they've all stopped talking to each other for a while now but Beat refuses to not talk with Glee Dan. In fact, she asked him multiple times to stop messaging her, but he hasn't honored it. Not to mention that Beat ranted to Glee Dan in a fit of jealousy, rage and impatience. This guy's got mental health problems, for crying out loud. And you know what? Zach and I have now gotten the Bear-a-Stiff Glee Dan treatment. Yep, that's right, you heard me. We're gonna continue the season review after commercial break by continuing on with the story of Beat and Glee Dan. We'll be right back.
Dark_Red_Paper_Transition.png
Voices: Mad!
===Part 2===
Letter_of_the_Day_Transition.png
(Transition to Meredith in her bedroom)
Meredith: We're back, everybody. I'm in my bedroom waiting for Zach to come in. Oh, here he comes.
(Zachary walks into the room)
Zachary: Hey, Meredith.
Meredith: Hey, Zach. Get naked for me, would you?
Zachary: Oh, for the love of my f**king god! I'll get naked, you c**ksucking motherf**ker! (he removes his shoes, sweatjacket, socks, pants, shirt and underwear)
Meredith: Now, I'm gonna chain this dog leash onto your neck, hang it on the coat hanger on the door and seduce you, okay?
Zachary: Okay. Whatever you say, sister.
(Meredith chains the dog leash on Zachary's neck, leads him to the coat hanger on the door, hangs the leash on it and they start kissing passionately and then stop)
Zachary: Wait a minute; I'm not one of your prisoners!
Meredith: Of course you're not! You didn't think I would use your body for BDSM practices, did you?
Zachary: You never use anyone or anything for BDSM practices. And to top it all off, you never practice it at all.
Meredith: You're right. I don't. Let's have sex, shall we?
Zachary: Count me in.
(Meredith removes her socks, pants, shirt, bra and underwear and hands Zachary a condom)
Meredith: Here's a condom for you.
Zachary: Thanks.
(He places it on his penis and gets on the bed. Meredith gets on his penis and starts thrusting against him and they start sexually moaning. Meredith then lies down on the bed on Zachary's right side and they get under the covers and cuddle)
Meredith: That was really good.
Zachary: Yeah it was. You know, I bet Beat always wanted to do this with Glee Dan.
Meredith: You're damn right! I love you.
Zachary: I love you too. (they smooch)
Meredith: Let me get out of bed real quick. (she gets out of bed, stretches and massages her breasts and belly) Man, my body is so sexy I could thrust it against the camera you guys are watching through right now.
Zachary: Uh, Meredith, aren't you gonna continue the season review?
Meredith: Oh, right. (smiles gushingly) Next.
Orange_Paper_Transition.png
Robot: Mad!
(Transition to Meredith back in her living room fully clothed)
Meredith: If Beat doesn't stop contacting Glee Dan, she would go to the police and get a restraining order. In my opinion, I sympathize with the fact that Beat doesn't mean to be a criminal or anything, he just wants himself and Glee Dan to do stuff together as high school friends always do. (gasps in shock) Uh oh, Beat's follow request-os are no-gos because Glee Dan keeps rejecting them-o, but take it from Glee Dan-o, Freet's attempts to get her back-o will get him into trouble with the law-o. Glee Dan had also removed him as a follower on TikTok, made her account private and then public again, Beat follows her and then is blocked by her, but the blocking doesn't affect the show as the account is still public. Beat writes an apology letter to Glee Dan and sends it to her virtually although she sees it but doesn't respond back to him.
Colored_Mads_Transition.png
Voices: Mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad!
(Transition to her)
Meredith: And now let's talk about the one thing that was mentioned a lot this season: the Meredith Bortz controversy. Movies relating to me and Zach are being made like two upcoming ones related to the show, Journey into Beat's Imagination and Leaving Instagram Reality as well as two Zachary & Meredith ones called Resignation and Relocation and Post Controversy. Finally, the controversy ended when Beat and his dad were talking about him and Glee Dan and that going to Ocean City to see her was not a good idea as Beat would be arrested for stalking, harassment and showing up uninvited and that he follows his dad's requests to not contact her. I also sympathize with Beat's quest to be with Glee Dan in person. Well, I have news for you, it's not gonna end well for him. He's f**ked and we all know it. We're gonna finish the season review after commercial break by ending the story of this broken-up couple. We'll be right back.
Dark_Red_Paper_Transition.png
Voices: Mad!
===Part 3===
Letter_of_the_Day_Transition.png
(Transition to Meredith, Alex, Alexandra, Banana Joe, Liverslinger, Maxine, Sarah, Sophia, Zachary and the black and white spies)
Meredith: We're back, everybody. I have brought in the guest stars from the season to talk about its new concept and how they felt about it. Alex, what did you think of this concept?
Alex: Well, this season marked my first appearance on the show since Attack of the Sharks and I love it here in Ocean City. Too bad Halex Beld only came here once, and now every summer, she goes to North or South Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. But the new concept, I was okay with it. And Beld is without a doubt, gorgeous.
Meredith: Alexandra, you've been on the show for a while now. What did you think?
Alexandra: It was great reuniting with you this season. Spending time in Surf City and Long Beach Island, you should come to the latter. You never go in the water, but I do. The new concept, this is what Beat wanted.
Meredith: Banana Joe, you guest starred on the show on the third episode of last season. What did you think of making more appearances this season?
Banana Joe: It was like being your dog for the summer. Although I belong to Alex and the purple team members, spending a whole summer here in Ocean City was worth it. The new concept, it should happen more often.
Meredith: Liverslinger, as you, me, Alexandra and Zach are part of the Lunch Club, did you like being with the group for a whole summer?
Liverslinger: Yes, I did. It was like a summer camp but staying overnight. If Beat wanted B-Livia Bee Brick to come with him to Ocean City, Bee Brick would have to let Glee Dan and maybe Halex Bandra Bing know. Although Bing doesn't go to Ocean City anymore, does she? But anyways, the new concept was great. Maybe Beat, Glee Dan, Bing and Bee Brick should spend time together in New Jersey then rotting with their college friends since Beat refuses to leave his high school friends alone.
Meredith: Maxine, compared to Alexandra, you've had the least appearances on the show than her. What did you think of spending more time with me?
Maxine: So you see, Meredith, Ta-Hen-Ze Tundra is always in Ocean City every summer but hangs with her college friends. Seems like Glee Dan doesn't care about doing stuff with Bundra anymore, huh? But at any rate, the new concept rocked.
Meredith: Sarah and Sophia, you both appeared in Fun with Sarah and Sophia, the season 4 premiere and Attack of the Sharks. What did you both think of this new concept?
Sarah: I liked it. Life in New Jersey couldn't get any better. Too bad Share-a O-Shay-a doesn't come here anymore.
Sophia: Yeah, neither does Sofia Doyle. But the new concept, it's good to be back in New Jersey.
Meredith: Yep. Doyle and O-Shay-a were some of Glee Dan's friends in middle school. Black and White Spy, as my sidekicks, your thoughts about the new concept?
Black Spy: It was great. Eleven spies in New Jersey, that's even greater!
White Spy: I agree with Black. A red, yellow, white, green, blue, purple, pink, black, brown, blonde and gray spy can make a color wheel of spies. Even in Attack of the Sharks before we had a pink, brown, blonde and gray spy, it was a colorful season.
Meredith: Zach, you're my last one. After appearing in Video Chatting with Zachary, did you think this concept was better than the original old one where I was by myself without the spies being in stop-motion the whole season like last year?
Zachary: In my opinion, it was awesome. I hope Beat is especially proud with it and this season could usher in a new summer age of bikini-clad women and…stuff.
Meredith: Wow! You guys all liked the new concept! And you know what, so did I. I'm so proud of you all. Thank you for your positive reviews. (turns to the audience) And to you guys, here's the conclusion of the Beat and Glee Dan story.
Dark_Red_Paper_Transition.png
Children: Mad!
(Transition to Meredith)
Meredith: Last week, we revealed that Beat was the one who started the Meredith Bortz controversy and he moved on after realizing that he is guilty for harassing Glee Dan. The only way he can get her back on Instagram and TikTok is if they run each other like they did at his workplace and get a selfie together and everything can go back to normal. At least it would've been, if it wasn't for his actions. In your face, Factory Beat, you fat, filthy c**ksucking, pig f**king fat dumbass! The end. That concludes the story. Before the season comes to a close, here's your Spy vs. Spy segment for this episode.
Spy vs. Spy
Blue_Paper_Transition.png
Robot: Mad!
(Transition to Meredith)
Meredith: To finish things off, we're going to reveal the winner of season 10. White Spy is the winner as he won 6 episodes while Black Spy won 4. Well, guys, that is it for this season. I hope that the season's original concept would happen with the next and I will see you guys next season unless a film called Back to Instagram Reality gets made before it.
Dark_Red_Paper_Transition.png
Voices: Mad!
Colored_Mads_Transition.png
Closing Logos
*2021 MGM Television logo
*2020 Warner Horizon Unscripted Television logo
*2020 FXP/FX logo
Category:Zachary, Grace and Lexia
Category:Meredith's New Jerseyan Life Episode Transcripts