Kill the Alligator and Run/Quotes

:Plant Counselor: What you need is a good, long rest. I suggest Florida.
:Homer: Florida? But that's America's wang!
:Plant Couneselor: They prefer the Sunshine State.
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:Sepulveda: Whoo! Sepulveda here, doing the veejay thing for the most out of control spring break ever! And since it's my birthday, we'll party extra hard!
:Jewel on her palm begins to flash
:Sepulveda: No! Not yet! I'm only 25!
:A large man hauls Sepulveda away
:Sepulveda: {grunts}
:Another slim young woman who looks like Sepulveda jumps on stage
:Cieneta: What up chew-toys? Cienega here tightening the host clamps for you bad girls! We've got Kid Rock coming up for all you mosh monkeys.
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:Marge: Did you really have to handcuff the children?
:Sheriff: No, ma'am, I did not.
:Marge: You seemed so understanding before. What happened to "Boys will be boys"?
:Sheriff: You see, during Spring Break, the beer companies are paying me to look the other way. But for the rest of the year, I am a real hardass. (Leans down to Maggie) Okay, sweet pea, you're next. 
:(He puts the handcuffs on Maggie's hands, but they fall off due to her hands being really small for her age.) 
:Sheriff: Whoa! Looks like we got a teeny Houdini here. (The Simpson family laughs) Well, don't you worry, darlin'. I got some baby cuffs in the station. (He goes to the police station)
:Homer: Look! (He sees the keys to the locks) This is our chance! (He reaches for the keys and slides his hands through the keys so the handcuffs are seperated. The Simpson family rushes to the car.) Let's go! 
:Lisa: You can't drive, Dad. He's got your license.
:Homer: I'm gonna try anyway. (He turns the keys and the engine starts to rev.) It worked! It's a miracle!
:(They drive off as soon as The Sheriff leaves the police station with the baby cuffs.)
:Sheriff: Oh, dang it! (He throws his hat on the ground and it bounces back on his head.) Now why does that only happen when nobody's looking? (He starts chasing the Simpson car.) Pull over! 
:Homer: There's no good place!
:Sheriff: There's lots of good places! What about over there?
:Homer: No shade! (The Sheriff fires his gun and Homer avoids it.)
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:Marge: Ooh, thank goodness! Where were you?
:Homer: (drunk) Guess how many boobs I saw today, Marge? Fifteen. (falls asleep on the couch)
:Marge: (sighs) I hope he didn't cause too much trouble, Sheriff.
:Sheriff: Ah, boys will be boys. I reckon he was just blowing off a little steam.
:Homer: (gets up) Heh heh heh, doesn't he talk funny? (falls back asleep)
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:Judge: Well, it looks like you folks are free to go, but don't you ever set foot in the state of Florida again.
:Homer: Fine then. There are plenty of other states that are happy to have us.
:(Changes scenes. The Simpsons are looking at a map of the USA with X's on most states.)
:Marge: Well, we're still welcome in North Dakota and Arizona.
:Homer: Arizona smells funny.
:Marge: (Groans and crosses it off)
:Lisa: North Dakota, here we come!
:Bart: I've always wanted to see Mount Rushmore!
:Marge: That's South Dakota.
:Bart: (groans)
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:Marge: Homer, no! You'll kill us all.
:Homer: Or die trying!
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:Roger Evans: The crisis? Charlie Bludorn's birthday. The solution? A snappy banner. Out comes the phone, in flies Bobby Towne, and six drafts later, I had myself a party.
:Homer: You see? Gibberish, all gibberish.
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:Kid Rock: You know, a lot of my homies didn't make it to the party, and we're going to give props to the fallen by pouring a 40 on the curb. (The girls wheel a sidewalk curb onto the stage.) But this ain't no 40-ounce curb, so we're gonna need 40 gallons, y'all! (The crowd cheers. When Homer begins to drink a 40-gallon bottle of malt liquor, the crowd jeers.)
:Homer: All for Homer! (drinks again) All for Homer!
:Joe C.: ?
:Kid Rock: What the–
:Joe C.: Hey, who's that fool?
:Kid Rock: Yo, let's waste that biotch.
:Homer: Bee-och? Moi? (shakes the bottle, sprays Joe C. and Kid Rock with foam flying back, walks up on stage, grabs the microphone, and sings) We built this city on rock-n-roll... (The crowd jeers.) Uh-oh.
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:Homer: (to Lenny and Carl) Okay, last question. Who is your favorite Backstreet Boy?
:Lenny: Oh! The little rat-faced one.
:Carl: No, no, Nick! He's so good to his mother.
:Homer: According to this, you're both idiots.
:Lenny: Hey, thanks. What do we owe you?
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:Lisa: Mom, Bart's sitting next to me!
:Bart: Mom, Lisa's growing!
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:[As Homer is watching "Charlie Rose" late at night]
:Charlie Rose: We're back with legendary producer Robert Evans. Now, before you did "The Godfather," there was "Love Story." Tell us about that.
:Robert Evans: Ah, "Love Story." The little picture that could. Was Paramount chomping at the bit to make it? Heh, heh, you'd better believe they weren't. But once that tear-jerker hit John Q. Popcorn, it was boffo-boo-boo box office all the way. (chuckles)
:Charlie Rose: And the critics loved it, too. I remember Vincent Canby said, "I'm going to kill you, Homer. You are so dead."
:(Homer screams)