Headhunters: The Ferocious Fifteen

== Introduction ==
Jack Buck said it best:
centre|thumb|330x330pxIf week one's narrow elimination was the appetizer, week two was the filet mignon. And this is a 16-course meal so I hope everyone left room for more.
== In Memorium: Ya Hate 2 See It (G) ==
They call it Headhunters, but G took the name too seriously this week by starting a WR who was out with a concussion. We learned last week that Fantasy Gods do not tolerate those who don't set their lineup, and I can't think of anything besides divine Fantasy God intervention to explain this team's elimination. 
It was looking bad all day. Sterling Shepard, Ted Ginn, Ronald Jones, LeSean McCoy. The starting lineup was a whose who of who sucks. But despite all of that, there was one team that was doing even worse.
KVR's Bad Boys gave new meaning to their name this week. One of the league's strongest managers, they were primed for a big followup to week one. That is until Big Ben went down with a season-ending injury and Alvin Kamara fell short of expectations upon losing HIS starting QB. Chicago Defense underwhelmed, as did Duke Johnson and Josh Gordon. With 118 points, it was looking like death was certain.
But the Fantasy Gods don't mess around and this team's name was the worst kind of foreshadowing. Needing just 8 points to survive, Ya Hate 2 See It was punished on Monday Night Football with their remaining player, Njoku, KO'ed with a concussion early in the game.
Fifteen available W/T/R players scored more than 8 points. If G had subbed Shepard for any of those guys, he'd be alive. But alas, the Gods have spoken and Hate 2 See it was indeed eliminated in week 2, while the league's most dangerous manager, KVR, lives to see another day.
You really do hate 2 see it (unless you're KVR).
G:
== New Releases ==
Very intriguing week of guys hitting the waiver wire. The two best players are QBs. The next two best are likely out until mid-October at the earliest.
# Deshaun Watson
# Tom Brady
# Todd Gurley II
# Tyrell Williams
# Melvin Gordon
# Tyreek Hill
== Week Two Bidding Results ==
Week Two Bidding Results
Player 	Winning Team 	Winning Bid	Next Highest Bid
Zeke Elliot 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	$563 	$515 (Cam Shaft)
Julian Edelman 	Cam Shaft 	$210 	$138 (FFDraftScott)
Zach Ertz 	The Guilloteam 	$200 	$165 (Cam Shaft)
DJ Moore 	FFDraftScott 	$179 	$150 (KareemHunter)
Tarik Cohen 	Cam Shaft 	$145 	$70 (KareemHunter)
AJ Brown 	Henry VIII 	$33 	N/A
Adrian Peterson	Chris P's Neat Team	$9 	N/A
Holy shit that's a lot of money to spend on one player. Neck-Fix might be in the market for a new QB after losing Drew Brees for the foreseeable future, but can they afford one of the two greats hitting the streets with their now limited budget?
Cam Shaft bid big on three players this week, coming away with two. Had they bid an extra $50 on Zeke they'd have nabbed all three but had just $80 left to spend. They overbid on Edelman by nearly $100. Not great.
Chris P's Neat Team, meanwhile, somehow found a used copy of Adrian Peterson in the Walmart Bargain Bin and was able to scoop him up on the cheap.
== Your Financial Portfolio ==
Step into your financial advisor's office and let us see how all of your investments are doing.
Below is the first of a weekly chart designed to show you how far your money has taken you. It shows how many points you have earned for each dollar you've spent on those players. For the purpose of this exercise, I only counted fantasy points earned by STARTING players.
Example, if you bought a guy for 10 dollars and he earned 10 points, he cost you $1 per point. If he earned 20 points, those points cost just $0.50 per point. Was your player worth the investment? Let's find out...
 
Team 	Amount Spent	Points Earned	Cost Per Point
Neck-Fix and Chill 	$563 	28.73 	$19.60
Cam Shaft 	$355 	15.83 	$22.43
The Guilloteam 	$200 	18.60 	$10.75
FFDraftScott 	$179 	19.90 	$9
Henry VIII 	$33 	0 	$33
Chris P's Neat Team	$9 	13.43 	$0.67
== Dead Man's Roster ==
So I learned last week that even dead men must have players.
Every team that gets eliminated needs to have a minimum of 10 players on their rosters. I'm going to do my best to only add guys who don't belong on rosters, but if there is a guy on a roster you want let me know and I will either:
# Release him to waivers for you to claim or
# If he would typically be a FA, I can add him directly to your roster on a first come/first serve basis. I know it's not the prettiest way to do it but we're all still learning here so if we need to adjust we will. 
== Week Two Results ==
Week Two Results
Finish (Last Week)	Player 	Total Points
1 (5) 	The Guilloteam 	220.94
2 (1) 	Chris P's Neat Team	208.41
3 (14) 	FFDraftScott 	207.38
4 (10) 	Out of Luck 	193.85
5 (6) 	Henry VIII 	190.38
6 (3) 	BlueDevils 	188.53
7 (8) 	Kupp for Your Cobb?	187.02
8 (11) 	DogTheKareemHunter 	184.63
9 (15) 	Cam Shaft 	160.40
10 (16) 	Philip's Team 	155.33
11 (13) 	Wrath of Saquon 	153.66
12 (2) 	Al Snow's Fav Squad	151.34
13 (9) 	Bobecue Chicken 	146.92
14 (12) 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	130.88
15 (4) 	Bad Boys 	118.29
16 (7) 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	110.33
17 	Moore $ Mo Problems	0
* Biggest Climber: FFDraftScott (up 11 spots)
* Biggest Faller: Bad Boys (down 11 spots)
== Kings of the Castle ==
# Chris P's Neat Team - This team feasted off of New England defense this week, a 60 point performance. But apart from that, their main unit performed well. If they had not started a defense, they still would have scored 148.41, good enough for 13th place. With RB locked down (Conner, Mack, Ingram) this team seems poised to spend big on WR and make a deep run. Also starting to really like their team name.
# The Guilloteam - It is only fitting that the league's two highest scoring teams are arch rivals. Pat and Chris seem destined to be together. Once considered to be an early-out, Guilloteam just had all his players score over over 13 points. 
# FFDraftScott - Scott was bidding big this week, coming up short in all but one of his offers, but his new addition made an instant impact as DJ Moore lit it up Thursday night. Finding production in guys like Raheem Mostert and Tyler Boyd, they are in a good spot to survive long enough to bring in some high-end talent.
# Henry VIII - Somehow this team is making it work with no-shows every week. Last week it was Donte Moncrief (fuck that guy), this week DeSean Jackson. I wonder what will happen the week that Dalvin Cook doesn't go buck wild?
# BlueDevils- Similar sentiment here for Katie's team. Surely Patty Mahomes can't break 60 every week...right?
== On the Chopping Block ==
# Bad Boys - Scary stuff this week. They survived but now they need to do damage control as they hunt for another QB (I know of two big names that just hit the market) and probably a way to shore up that RB position. Seeing how they navigate this will be a fantasy manangerial clinic. 
# Neck-Fix and Chill- Surviving with no QB was so nice, it had to happen twice. Fix might be able to survive with new starter Josh Allen, facing Cincy this week, but there are issues at WR that also need to be addressed.
# Bobecue Chicken - The Bobecue Cardinals are still rolling with Washington defense and had to resort to starting Miles Boykin/Tyler Higbee this week, so things aren't all great at the cookout for Chicken. Maybe KeeSean Johnson is the answer. The fourth cardinal on Bob's roster actually outscored two of their starters.
# Philip's Team - This fucking guy. Hasn't ever checked the league but probably has the healthiest roster out of everybody and will likely not have to set his lineup again this week to have a chance to advance.
# Al Snow's Fav Squad -  From the throne room to the dungeon, Al Snow had a tough week. It seems the team will live and die by McCaffrey until further notice. 
== Remaining Budget ==
Remaining Budget as of 09/17/19
Player 	Total Points
BlueDevils 	1000
Al Snow's Fav Squad	1000
Kupp for Your Cobb 	1000
Out of Luck 	1000
DogTheKareemHunter 	1000
Bobecue Chicken 	1000
Bad Boys 	1000
Wrath of Saquon 	1000
Philip's Team 	1000
Chris P's Neat Team	991
Henry VIII 	967
FFDraftScott 	821
The Guilloteam 	800
Cam Shaft 	645
Neck-Fix and Chill 	437
Moore $ Mo Problems	0
Ya Hate 2 See It 	0
See you all next week (unless I'm beheaded). As always, happy bidding!