...Or Die Trying (The Rangers) Transcript

Phantom Ranger: It Was A Perfect Day.
Baby Chica: I love you, Mommy.
It Was A Perfect plan.
Mesogog: This is our target --
the nuclear power plant.
If we capture the plane
at precisely the right moment,
they will not have time
to shoot down the aircraft.
For A Perfect Attack.
MAN:
If they hit that power plant
with that aircraft,
the casualties could be
in the hundreds of thousands.
Sam: God help us all.
Everything was perfect.
ANNOUNCER: ...except...
What? What is this CPT?
Spider:
That means the plane is gonna
get here when it gets here.
Phantom Ranger: They picked the wrong airline!
And don't come up here
complaining and sh*t.
You motherf*ckers wanna come on here
and act a g*dd*mn fool?
I'm about to go on break.
You motherf*cking t*rrorists
k*ll me.
ANNOUNCER: Come see why black incompetence...
Cameron: Hey, hey, shorty!
Whoo, whoo!
g*dd*mn, that b*tch
phat as a motherf*cker.
...is our funniest weapon in the war on terror.
Levi: We can't let you through,
homey.
Hey, this is Osama bin Laden
nephew, n*gga.
Chase: Well, I-- I'm --
I'm once removed. I-I--
No --
I just f*cking with you, dawg.
Go ahead, n*gga.
ANNOUNCER: Starring Walter Jones.
But you know what they say --
when it's your time to go,
it's your time to go. TJ.
What if it's the motherf*cking next to me time to go? Huh?
Spider.
It's very important
this plane leave on time.
Damn. Now, are you yelling
at me or sh1tting at me?
Corcus.
hijacked?
Them n*gga ain't getting
my wizzie fo' shizzle, n*gga.
You know what I'm saying? And Cestro
as Air Marshal Cestro.
I'll stop
those terrorists...
or die trying.
Get ready. This time, it's going down.
This is a hijacking.
Remain in your seats --
Damon: No, this n*gga didn't.
We have a bomb on the aircraft.
Everyone remain --
(Mesogog Gets His A$$ Whooped)
Zack: I'm about to go get dressed.
Trini: We gonna fly on the Soul Plane!
Trini:
Zack, hurry up.
We gonna fly on the Soul Plane!
And make sure you pee
before we leave.
I ain't gonna miss my movie going to the bathroom with you.
I'm gonna let you go in there by yourself and get killed by Funtime Panda.
What's wrong with you?
Jason: I don't wanna go to the movie.
Why not?
I don't ever wanna go
to the movies with you again.
Not after
what happened last time.
What happened last time?
We got arrested. And shot at.
Ah. Racism.
Kimberly:
Daddy said I can go
to the movies,
but he said I'm not allowed
to see Soul Plane.
Good. You don't wanna go to the movies with him. She's crazy.
Hush.
Can't see Soul Plane?
Why, little baby?
Because of the types
of stereos or something.
Types of stereos?
Oh. No, no, no,
little baby doll.
This is a good theater.
They have THX.
She means stereotypes.
Stereotypes? In Soul Plane?
That's nonsense.
Say, how about we tell
your boyfriend
we saw something else, hm?
You mean...lie?
That really doesn't seem to be
a good idea.
Hush, boy.
You know,
it's okay to break the rules every once in a while.
I won't tell if you won't.
Okay. Hee-hee.
Jason: Sometimes I think Trini may be a bad influence.
Hey, Zack. Don't forget
the camcorder.
Now, the first Soul Plane
was funny.
Pfft. About as funny
as a lynching.
Oh, hush, boy.
You ain't even see it.
I never seen
a lynching, either,
but I know
they not funny.
See? Shows what you know.
I've seen funny lynchings.
No, you haven't.
I have so.
Rockho's lynching
was funny.
Yeah, so them
n*gga was like,
"Rockho, you better
leaves town
"before Mr. Charlie
and them crackers
gonna come for you."
I'm like, "Man,
f*ck them crackers, man.
This is Rockho Patterson."
n*gga, I don't give a f*ck.
I just don't
give a f*ck.
Know what I'm saying?
White man can kill.
Eat my b*lls,
n*gga.
MAN: There he is!
Get that n*gg*r.
Uh-oh.
Come on,
let's go!
MAN: Oh, sh**t, he's fast!
Watch out!
It, uh, wasn't really
funny after that.
Mm-mm.
This is gonna be so much fun!
This is going to be...
...the worst day
of your life.
I'm bringing nun chucks.
Huh?
Here, put these coats on.
Huh?
Trini:
Here you go.
What is it?
It's pinto beans
and neck bones.
Now put this meatloaf
and gravy under your shirt.
Why don't we just get treats
from the concession stand?
You think I'm paying $
for some popcorn?
You must be out
of your damn mind.
Are we allowed
to bring in food?
Of course we're allowed to.
It's my food, isn't it?
I paid for it.
That means I can eat it
when and where I want.
Boy, put this pot roast in
your pants or you ain't eating.
Oh, this is nothing.
She's just getting started.
Jason: Trini Jebediah Kwan
had sworn a lifetime intifada
against the movie theater industry
for exorbitant prices and poor customer service,
which, interestingly enough,
did not stop her from going to see movies.
Okay, gang.
Keep your eyes open.
Open for what?
We're sneaking in.
Whaaaa?
That's not true,
girl.
I bought my tickets online.
Scout's honor.
Look. Trini.
I got some money saved.
The movie will be on me.
Now, you put that away, boy.
These movie devils
ain't getting
any more of our money.
Mm-mm.
Uh...Trini?
*no outside food
It says, "No outside food,"
girl.
That's why we keep it
inside our clothes.
Are you sure
this is legal?
Okay, everybody, look alive now.
Here's our chance.
I understand
you need your job,
but you're still
a human being with dignity.
Dillon: Yeah, I mean,
look at this uniform, man.
I look like
a f*cking dork.
Why would they make me dress
like this?
What did I do
to them, huh?
You should take action.
Ah. What can I do?
Have you ever thought about
forming a union?
What's a "union"?
Obi-Wan:
Hey, hey, hey! Hey!
I paid.
I got my ticket.
Tommy:
Yeah, yeah. I got
a ticket for you.
A one-way ticket
to "Get the hell
out of here, n3gro"
land.
Go on! Move it!
n*gga, you gay.
How about that?
Another victory of the common woman over corporate greed.
You're not advancing
any struggle
by being cheap,
Trini.
I'll advance my Katanas
on your behind
if you don't shut
your ass.
Oh, my God.
I didn't pay
to get in the movie.
Uh, yes, we did. I --
I ordered my tickets online.
Who got the neck bones?
No, you didn't.
We snuck in.
We stole a movie.
Now, who makes the rules?
Teenagers, right?
And I'm Teenage,
and I say it's okay.
We're gonna
get caught.
We're gonna
get caught.
I should call zordon and turn myself in.
Oh, yeah?
You gonna tell him
what you came to see, huh?
I bet he'd like
to know that.
Maybe I should make
a phone call.
No. Please, no.
Good. Now just
calm down.
Try some mashed potatoes.
Who got the popcorn?
I do.
BULLSH!T
Ow! Hey.
What the hell is wrong with you?
What am I gonna do
with raw popcorn?
You're gonna ruin my dentures.
Whew. Damn, can't watch
a movie without popcorn.
Now I gotta spend
all my damn money
on a bucket
of popcorn.
Told you.
Oh. Help me.
I'll give you anything. Ah!
ANNOUNCER: Don't steal movies.
Vader Juice: 99$
Chilli Fries: 200$
Spiderverse Burger: 800$
Trini: Damn.
Large freshly popped popcorn, please. And lots of butter.
Muzan: Anything else?
I asked
for butter on it.
Butter's over there.
I don't wanna put the butter
on it. Why can't you do it?
You're supposed to
put the butter on it.
I don't wanna
put the butter on it.
I'm already paying $
for this bullsh*t popcorn.
I will not demean myself
by putting butter
on popcorn.
Why? It's really easy.
Why?
Because I don't work at
the movie theater, that's why.
You're supposed to put
the butter on it.
If I go to Burger King and order a cheeseburger, they don't make me put the cheese on it, do they, goddamn it!?
I see, I see. Just 'cause
your nationality is chinese,
and two shades
from being american,
you think you too good
to butter your own popcorn.
Well, you wrong,
Barbie.
Damn it, Tommy. Y'all gonna
put some butter on this popcorn.
We put our lives on the line
every day to make movies,
and then people come along
and steal all that hard work.
Who would do something
like that?
A terrible, awful human being
that no one will ever love.
That's who.
(Crying) I'm so sorry, Mr. Stuntman.
Boo!
Hey. Get to the flick.
What happened
to the movies?
Y'all should be
ashamed.
Why is it
when I order a soda pop,
I get a empty cup?
I didn't order
a empty cup.
I ordered a soda pop.
And what asshole started putting
commercials in movies?
I can see commercials
at home on TV.
And the bathroom stink.
Clean the f*cking bathroom!
I'm not gonna
take it anymore!
I pay too much damn money
for these movie tickets
to butter my own
motherf*cking popcorn!
It's only popcorn.
When did you
get here?
Huh?
Well, I been at
the ticket window all day long,
and I don't remember you
buying no ticket,
Trini Kwan.
Uh, I-I-I got my tickets
online.
Aha! A damn lie.
I ain't never
met a n*gga
smart enough to use
a personal computer.
Not even a Macintosh.
Uh...
You'll never take me alive!
you punk-asses.
Tommy:
Stop him!
Come on, come on.
He went this-a way.
Mm-hmm.
Whew.
Did I miss anything?
Trini Kwan...
I don't wanna steal the movie.
I wanna go home!
Shh!
What's wrong with you?
I wanna go home.
You wasn't saying that
back at the house, was you?
Was you? Because you wanted
to see Soul Plane .
Well, this is how
we see Soul Plane .
I repeat, the t*rror1st said
his name is Kareem Abdul-Jabbar,
and he's demanding
that we --
Hell, no, I ain't fitting to ask him
for his f*ck autograph.
JASON: An hour into the movie,
I wasn't sure how much more I could take.
MAN: We out of food, but we got
one bag of 'tato chips.
Yo. Look out.
Pass this bag of potato chips around.
Please take one. Pass it...
He's in here.
I know trini.
He don't miss a coin flick.
What is it?
What's happening?
Shh. Don't make a sound.
: Ooh.
Damn.
Let's go check Madea's Bat Mitzvah.
MAN: Attention, please, passengers.
If you left the toilet seat up in the restroom...
Officer,
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to steal
from the stuntman.
What were you about to do?
You were about to rat on us,
weren't you?
This is what the movie theater
industry wants, Kimberly.
Us fighting against
each other.
Oh-ho-ho-ho, no.
There's no turning back now.
You're in it
all the way.
Now you're gonna get your little
narrow, high-pink ass
back into the theater
and enjoy Soul Plane .
I...wanna...go...home!
Shut up.
You're ruining
my innocence!
Shut up.
MAN: I expected to fly first-class.
I wanna go home.
MAN : Well, you ain't in first class.
Look at this.
Granddad. What's wrong
with Jazmine?
She's fine.
Watch the movie.
Oh, that's crazy.
Look at this.
I...wanna...go...home.
HUEY: Granddad had to be stopped.
I'm gonna put an end
to this...
or die trying.
JASON: And so did this movie.
Fortunately, I thought of a way to do both.
Move, n*gga.
Where you going?
They're looking for us.
Jason, come back.
Oh, this is crazy.
Colored folks are something.
HUEY: My plan was to get to the projector room
and destroy the print of Soul Plane.
First, I had to go to the bathroom.
Kimberly, you're missing
all the best parts.
I'm not watching
a stolen movie.
Oh, well.
If you don't wanna laugh.
Oh, that's crazy.
What's so funny?
Oh, nothing. Hilarity
just ensued, that's all.
It did?
Oh. Oh. Oh!
That was funny.
Hm? Ah.
RUCKUS:
It's about impossible
to find his black ass
in this dark theater.
Yo. I think we need
to shake the spizzot.
Huh? Ha!
Forget Kimberly. Let's go.
But we couldn't.
She the weakling.
She'll slow us down.
I mean, how could we?
Look, she a little girl.
They're not gonna give her
no real time.
She do what?
A couple months, tops.
But we both got priors.
We gots to go.
Come on, Granddad.
We running out of time.
Sometimes,
in order to save the day,
people have to sacrifice
themselves,
you know what
I'm saying?
Delphine: Oh, Air Marshal Cestro.
You're so brave
to sacrifice yourself
to save us.
Not me, b*tch. You.
Oh! Wait! Oh. Oh.
Hey. Hold this.
We be right back.
Okay.
Exactly. See,
what Marx is saying
is that the oppression
of the proletariat
is an essential facet
of the exploitation
inherent in the system.
So therefore,
due to the class --
You little
half-and-half.
*Spd Sirens*
Jason: Oh, Sh*t.
He's in there.
What--? What happened
to my--?
Damn.
He's right there!
Hey!
(Beatdown)
GUARD: Yeah.
Tommy: Ah...
I been waiting on this day since your little uppity ass came into town.
You won't k*ll me, Air Marshal Cestro.
You'll only die trying.
Or, uh, I'm, uh--
Or...
Or I'm gonna die...
trying.
What? What?
You thought you was the only one
who mastered the ancient
and deadly art of the nunchaku?
(Intense Nunchaku Sounds)
Here's .
Ah...
Come, n*gro-san.
That was great, Trini.
Boy, I wish we could've seen
the end of that movie.
I don't know.
I feel bad for leaving Jason
and what's-her-name.
They knew the risks.
So they might do
a little time.
We see 'em when they get out.
Uh...it doesn't seem right.
I'm going back
and turning myself in.
Turn yourself--?
Man--
Trini, look, come on.
I mean, I love Huey. Almost like a brother. But what's done is done.
We got to let go of the past.
If he don't come back,
can I have his side of the room?
Ah, come on, Trini.
You supposed to be setting
a better example.
You just wait till
the manager gets here.
He gonna throw the book
at both of y'all.
This is
the worst day...
of my entire life.
Told you.
Here's the guardian
for the kids.
That's right,
Ruckus.
We snuck
into the movie, too.
We? You said you was gonna
turn yourself in.
Please. Let the kids go.
I'll take responsibility.
Look like y'all
all going down.
The manager's
not coming.
Cinema's closed
indefinitely.
Looks like everyone walked out.
Something about a union.
What?
The manager ain't coming?
Well, call the police.
The FBI.
Homeland Security.
You mean,
we gonna let
this African hooliganism
go unpunished?
You have problems, Mr. Freeman,
and you need help.
Thanks for coming back...
eventually.
Yo, you need to stop
snitching, Trini.
Ah. Ow. Hey.
Why don't you call
social services
and turn yourself in
for ranger abuse?
Hey, man.
You guys unionized and staged
a walkout that quickly?
That's amazing.
Luke:
Oh, yeah.
We unionized.
Then someone called
the corporate headquarters,
and they shut down
the whole place.
Fired everybody.
Oh.
Well, um...
power to the people?
f*ck you.
Well, that's that.
I think we all learned
a valuable lesson today
about stealing movies.
Buy the bootleg.
Or just download it
from the Internet
like everybody else.
Hey. Can you guys wait
here a sec?
There's something I need to take care of.