Legion Alpha - Patch Note Preview

Please do not edit these notes as they were originally posted by Lore on the Official Forums as a 2016 April Fools.
==General==
*After the success of Warlords of Draenor's item squish, we've decided to perform similar adjustments elsewhere in the game:
**Achievement Squish: Some players' achievement scores were getting too high, so we've reduced the number of points each achievement gives.
**Zone Squish: The World of Warcraft Massively Multiplayer experience was simply too massive, so we've made all buildings, structures, and foliage 25% smaller.
** Squish: Somehow or another we ended up with two Draenors, so we've just merged them back into one. Someone said something about a timeline paradox, but we've seen Back to the Future like 300 times so it'll probably be okay.
*Signs have been placed over many mailboxes with the words "Dance Studio," to promote awareness of this feature which has existed in the game for over a decade.
*Flight in Draenor has been made 33% less controversial.
*There were multiple class specializations named "Holy," "Protection," and "Frost." To reduce confusion, these have been removed.
*To celebrate the launch of the exciting new Hearthstone MMO, we've added several brand-new characters and locations to World of Warcraft based on Hearthstone, such as:
**Sylvanas Windrunner, leader of the Forsaken
**Anduin Wrynn, prince of Stormwind
**Blackrock Mountain, home of Nefarian and the Black Dragonflight
*We've also incorporated many of your favorite Hearthstone spells, such as Fireball, Shield Slam, Eviscerate, Swipe, and Shadow Word: Pain.
*Darkmoon Rabbits are cute.
*VR support has been expanded to include the Maw of Souls dungeon, and the first 30 seconds of the Algalon encounter.
*We've removed the "Pruning the Podlings" quest from . The Podlings have had enough pruning for one expansion.
*We've removed the "Tormenting the Softknuckles" quest from Sholazar Basin, because… well, we saw the Overwatch animated short and… we're just feeling really sensitive about apes right now, okay?
==Garrisons==
*Due to feedback from players requesting to "blow up their Garrison", we've added a new Inflatable Garrison toy that you can bring with you everywhere!
**This toy is earned through a special follower mission, which we're only going to give to that one guy in your guild who doesn't do anything but play the Auction House.
*Several building plots have become targets of corporate takeovers. They still offer the same services, but it's just not the same anymore, man.
*Followers who are currently active on a mission will now take S.E.L.F.I.E.s of their adventures, and send them to you via Twitter.
*Shipyards
**Left Shark
**Left Shark
**Left Shark
**Left Shark
*After several reports of battle pet owner neglect, DEHTA has begun inspecting players' Garrisons. Those who still haven't gotten around to building a proper Menagerie to house their battle pets will receive a very aggressively worded notice.
*Players who have not built an Inn may now rent a room for the night using a new service called "Heirloom Bed and Breakfast." Please be advised that HeirBnB is used at your own risk.
==Raids and Dungeons==
*New loot option: Personal Style Loot. Functions similar to Personal Loot, but items are only rewarded if they'd look good with your transmog.
*Added a new notification for the "Twitch Plays Raid Finder" feature implemented in Patch 4.3.2. You will now be properly informed when your fellow raid members are being controlled entirely by a chat room.
*Typing "LFG" or "LFM" into trade chat will now cause you to just open the Group Finder instead.
*Onyxia will now use her Deep Breath ability less often. Didn't see that one coming, did you?
*Timewalking has been extended to include dungeons from future expansions.
*Yeah, 's got skulls. What are you going to do about it?
==New World PvP Zone: Splashran==
*If you loved Ashran, and miss the full 3-dimensional movement of Vashj'ir, you'll love our brand new World PvP Water Park: Splashran!
*Revisit the glory days of questing in Vashj'ir, mixed flawlessly with the excitement of the Gurubashi Arena!
*Experience the freedom of fighting your enemies outside of the confines of things like "spatial awareness."
*Take on exciting, interactive rides and attractions, including "Five Different People Shouting Five Different Orders At Once," "Why Is Everyone Just Fighting In The Middle," and "That One In The Mines That We Haven't Really Figured Out Yet."
*Need a break from the action? Enjoy the Lazy River! Kick back, relax, and let the Honor flow while everyone else does all of the actual work.
*Children's tickets 50% off with adult purchase.
*Note: to ensure safety of our guests, players will not be allowed entrance to the wave pool if they have consumed any food or beverages within the last 30 minutes.
==PvP==
*The Diminishing Returns system has been expanded to include defensive cooldowns and healing spells.
*Dampening no longer applies to Restoration Shaman, as their healing spells are already pretty moist.
*PvP rewards vendors have been moved to the Garrison, which has been moved to Ashran.
*In addition to being able to share items, screenshots, and achievements on Twitter, you can now share Arena matches on Vine.
*Cleave is a Warrior ability.
**This isn't a new change, we just thought we'd remind you. Please stop naming every single 3v3 Arena composition after it.
*Players who have earned the Deserter debuff by leaving a Battleground early will now be court-martialed.
*Healers who queue for an Arena Skirmish will only be placed in a match if they're really, really sure about it.
*Arathi Basin: The Lumber Mill, Blacksmith, and Farm flags have all been moved to the road connecting the three points, because apparently that's where you all want to be anyway.
*Strand of the Ancients: Attacking players who resurrect will now be unable to leave the graveyard until they pick up a bomb because seriously guys use the bombs.
==Races==
*All races have learned a new language: Emoji! Share your true feelings with your friends and foes in an exciting new method that's totally not confusing at all.
*The /laugh voiceover audio for all races has been replaced with a recording of Ben Brode. Including the Gnome Female. Especially the Gnome Female.
*Will of the Forsaken has been renamed to Won't of the Forsaken.
*Every Man for Himself has been reworked. It now gives Human players a 1200 point bonus to their Arena Rating.
==Classes==
===Death Knight===
*The Knights of the Ebon Blade have finally reached an agreement with the Lich King, successfully ending the Scourge Strike.
*Dancing Rune Weapon is now only usable in Dance Studios.
*To avoid spoilers, the "White Walker" and "Winter is Coming" talents have been removed until everyone's caught up on Game of Thrones.
*In order to help Death Knights stop being such downers at parties, we've added a new stance: Birthday Presence.
*Because we're tired of hearing you shout it on voice chat all the time, Bonestorm has been renamed "Swirly Body Sticks."
*Abomination's Might, but also might not. You can never be too sure what Abomination's up to.
*Due to global warming, Glacial Advance has been reduced by 20%.
*Castigator no longer throws a Crocolisk at your target. Sorry for the confusion.
===Demon Hunter===
*Demon Hunters are now immune to Blind. We're not sure how it was working before. They're wearing blindfolds, for pete's sake.
*Spectral Sight will now properly highlight Jaina Proudmoore when activated.
*In addition to Havoc and Vengeance, Demon Hunters may now select their third specialization: Forgiveness.
**This spec utilizes the power of positive thinking to defeat their foes, with abilities such as Mindfulness, Active Listening, and Understanding.
**Undertake an epic questline of quiet contemplation and reflection of self-worth to obtain the powerful artifact: Kravnogoth, the Calmbringer.
*The talent "Nemesis (demon hunter talent)" has been removed from Demon Hunters, and given to Paladins instead.
**Its tooltip now reads: "A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent."
**Sorry for the mixup. We only recently learned what Nemesis means.
*Unleashed Power should only be used in designated enclosed areas. All Demon Hunters are expected to leash their powers responsibly when in public parks.
*Eye Beam has been given an extensive polish pass, resulting in many improvements to aesthetics, build quality, and customer usability. We're very excited to introduce the all-new iBeam SE Pro.
===Druid===
*Druids with Glyph of the Cheetah active will now receive a buff for eating donuts.
*All Druid forms have been converted to .PDF.
*To better promote security and combat identity theft, Swipe has been replaced with Chip and PIN.
*After careful breeding and training, Wild Charge has been domesticated.
*Druids who choose the Balance specialization are now way better at skateboarding, slacklining, and plate spinning than other specializations. Because, like, they're good at Balance. Get it? BALANCE? HA.
*Choosing the Starlord talent will no longer Stop This Feeling. Ooga-chaka!
*New Ability: Travel Agent Form:
**Allows the Druid to assist adventurers in finding the best deals on travel and accommodations from the most reputable Inns and Flightmasters on Azeroth.
**Benefits of booking your trip through a Druid with a registered Travel Agent Form include travel insurance and group discounts.
**Replaces Travel Form
**Note: Travel Agent Form is not associated with HeirBnB or Flyt.
===Hunter===
*Stampede (hunter talent) now summons all pets that your character has ever tamed, all pets that your character has ever thought about taming, all pets that your character's pets have ever thought might be fun to hang out with, and all pets that the enemy target just really hates being killed by.
*Marksmanship Hunters must once again choose the Lone Wolf talent to play without a pet. However, to select this talent, you will first have to watch as your beloved companion sadly sulks away, occasionally glancing back at you to see if you've changed your mind, while listening to "In the Arms of an Angel" at maximum volume.
**You monster.
*No, Draenei Hunters are not "Demon Hunters," despite their shared ancestry with the Eredar.
*Several new mechanical pets have been added, accessible only to Gnome Hunters:
**Mechanical Conch
**Mechanical Shrubbery
**Mechanical Pet Rock
*The talent "Barrage" has had its functionality extended to also pull extra packs from completely different dungeons.
*The talent "A Murder of Crows" can now be customized into one of several alternate options, including:
**A Bellowing of Bullfinches
**A Parliament of Owls
**A Convocation of Eagles
**A Muster of Peacocks
**A Kettle of Vultures
===Mage===
*In an effort to reduce confusion caused by too many spells following the "Arcane ____" naming convention, we've just removed all of them.
*Mage Armor has decided to embrace its inner beauty, and donated its icon to charity.
*Phoenix's Flames is now 60% harder to spell properly on the first try.
*Casting Blink will now occasionally cause the Mage to inform nearby players of the current location of the cavalry.
*Arcane Familiar has been kind of distant lately, and has been renamed to "Arcane Acquaintance."
*The Fire Starter talent now also allows the Mage to melt bullets in midair, just like in that Stephen King novel.
*Rune of Power's tooltip has been updated.
**It now reads: "Immediately causes the boss to cast an AoE damaging ability at the Mage's current location."
**Functionality unchanged.
*All Teleport spells have been randomized, and will now occasionally send the Mage to random locations in the world. This is to make up for all of those times we asked for a portal to Dalaran and got sent to Theramore or Stonard instead. Maybe now you'll stop being such a jerk, Colin.
*Dragon's Breath is actually not as bad as you'd think. Smells like cinnamon, really.
===Monk===
*Tiger Palm has been reworked. It now soothes the target upon use, removing Enrage effects and muscle tension. Renamed: "Tiger Balm."
*Leg Sweep is no longer considered acceptable for use in karate competitions.
*Mana Tea has been made 500% bigger. Oh, the huge Mana Tea!
*Song of Chi-Ji has had its cooldown increased from 30 seconds to 12 hours. It's not that it's overpowered, we're just getting tired of Chi-Ji's playlist.
*The "Lifecycles" talent has been renamed "Circulation" to prevent it being confused with those awesome motorcycles from TRON.
===Paladin===
*Look. We already gave you guys Ashbringer (artifact). Isn't that enough?
===Priest===
*New Shadow Spell: Summon Wiggly. Summons a pet tentacle to follow you around. Has no combat benefit, it just goes wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle. Yeah.
**We've checked the math on this one, and it works out.
*We've accidentally broken the "Schism" talent. Fortunately, we have the proper tools to fix it, and we know the pieces fit.
*Only you can prevent Holy Fires.
*Lightwell has been re-added to the game. However, in observance of Lightwell Savings Time, it must now be cast one hour earlier.
*We've discovered that the "Halo" talent was actually created over 100,000 years ago specifically to combat a parasitic lifeform. We've disabled it until we can figure out what it really does.
*Corrected a grammatical error with Piety. It is now correctly named. "Pie, TY!"
*Apotheosis is now 30% more difficult to pronounce.
*The Shadow talents "Legacy of the Void," "Reaper of Souls," and "Fortress of the Mind" have been removed so as not to cause confusion with expansions for other Blizzard titles.
===Rogue===
*We've buffed the Anticipation talent. Just wait ‘til you find out what we did! It's gonna be awesome.
*Corrected an issue with Hemorrhage that caused it to occasionally leave love bleeding in the caster's hands.
*Using Pistol Shot will now cause Outlaw rogues to declare the current time of day, which is always high noon for some reason.
*Rogues can no longer Pick Lock. They can, however, continue to Pick Warrior, Priest, and/or Hunter.
*We felt the name of the "Thuggee" talent did not properly fit into the Assassination Rogue's class fantasy. We've renamed it to "On Fleek."
*Death has found out that you've been Cheating it all these years, and isn't pleased. It's pretty miffed about it, to be honest.
===Shaman===
*Sentry Totem, Windwall Totem, and Stoneskin Totem (Classic) have been re-added to the game.
*Shamanistic Rage has been nerfed. It is now known as "Shamanistic Irritation."
*Healing Rain has been buffed. It is now known as "El Niño," which is Spanish for "The Niño."
*Sentry Totem has been removed from the game.
*Echo of the Elements no longer works on ducks.
*Windwall Totem has been removed from the game.
*Magnitude has had its functionality extended to include a magnetic personality and a lot of attitude. It's definitely going to be the life of any party. Pop pop!
*Ancestral Swiftness now reduces your haste and attack speed when selected. We brought in a genealogy expert, and it turns out your ancestors were actually pretty slow.
*Ghost Wolf has been renamed "Bark Bark Dog Dog."
*Stoneskin Totem (Classic) has been removed from the game.
*Spirit Link Totem should no longer incorrectly result in a 404 error.
===Warlock===
*Several Warlock spells have been renamed:
**Soul Leech has been renamed "Lasting Impression."
**Demonic Empowerment has been renamed "Demonic Impowerment."
**Demonbolt has been renamed "Impbolt."
**Shadowy Inspiration has been renamed "Shadowy Impspiration."
**In addition, all Warlocks have a new ability, usable only while mounted on their Dreadsteed, named "Imp My Ride."
**Designer's Note: it's imperative to us that we don't improperly represent the nature of the Warlock class, and feel that these changes are an impeccable improvement.
*We've also added several new Warlock spells themed around the Warlords of Draenor, similar to Hand of Gul'dan and Eye of Kilrogg. These spells include:
**Coccyx of Durotan
**Toenail of Grommash
**Gallbladder of Blackhand
*Absolute Corruption should now corrupt absolutely, as intended.
*The Soul Harvest talent can no longer be selected unless the Warlock has previously used the Sow the Seeds talent, because that's just how nature works, okay?
===Warrior===
*Special attacks that fail to critically strike will now immediately cause the Warrior to Enrage.
*Die by the Sword now properly kills the Warrior when used, as intended.
*Using Charge repeatedly on multiple targets will no longer incorrectly lock you out from using it until you visit a bank.
*Heroic Leap has had its cooldown reduNO PATH AVAILABLE
*Battle Cry may now only be used upon the realization that you are merely a simple tool used by your superiors to do what they are unwilling to do themselves, and that your only contribution to this world is cold-blooded murder. Just… just let it all out. Yeah. There you go.
*Meat Grinder now properly creates delicious sausages.
*Outburst has had its effect increased by 2 seconds which is ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS AND I SWEAR IF YOU CALL HR ON ME ONE MORE TIME I'LL…
**Anger Management has replaced Outburst for Fury Warriors.
*It turns out that Revenge is actually best at room temperature. Who knew?
Category:April Fools patches