Fresh Hare/Transcript

The transcript of the Merrie Melodies cartoon Fresh Hare, starring Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd.
==Transcript==
Martial music is playing.
A poster is nailed by all four corners to a tree. It says:
Wanted by the Mounted Police:
“Bugs” Bunny
Dead or Alive!
(Preferably Dead)
In the center of the poster is a line sketch of Bugs.
Elmer Fudd, dressed as a Canadian Mountie and carry an old style rifle, stands in a snowy forest in front of the poster and looks pleased.
Elmer: Hehehehe! At 'wast'! The wong arm of the waw is 'weaching' out and 'cwosing' in on you, you 'scwewy' wabbit!
Elmer’s hat falls over his eyes.
Elmer pulls his hat up and looks suddenly very pleased – the camera pans to show rabbit tracks in the snow.
The camera pans along the rabbit tracks, which lead to another tree with the same poster – but this one has been graffiti.
The camera continues to pan along the rabbit tracks, and comes to another tree with another poster – but this one has a pinup girl and the words ‘Read the Mounted Police Gazette'.
Again the camera pans along and again we see a poster. This one is again the Wanted poster, and Bugs has again graffitid it, this time to make the picture of Bugs look like Hitler.
The camera pans on along the rabbit tracks and this time leads us to a rabbit hole.
Elmer arrives at the rabbit hole with his rifle in his hands and his hat flopping around and getting in his eyes.
Elmer peers into the rabbit hole, then leans over and whispers conspiratorially to the audience.
Elmer: Twapped by his own Twacks. Hehehehe.
Elmer reaches into his pocket and pulls out a carrot, which he puts down on the ground beside the rabbit hole.
He then walks away and hides just over the hill. We can see the top of his hat sticking out as he waits for Bugs to take the bait.
After only a couple of seconds, Bugs’ hand comes out of the rabbit hole and it ‘walks’ on two fingers over to the carrot.
The snow is very deep 'for' little finger legs and he has difficulty getting to the carrot.
He gives up just before reaching the carrot, pulls his hand back into his hole and then reappears with a pair of tiny little snowshoes attached to his fingers.
Now he reaches the carrot easily, grabs it and tries to pull it back into the hole – but Elmer is as quick as a flash, appears and slaps handcuffs on Bugs' wrists with the second cuff attached to Elmer.
Elmer: Come on out you wabbit!
Bugs does not come up.
Elmer: Come on now, you are under arrest!
Bugs's second hand comes up, feels the handcuff on his wrist and 'tings' it to hear the sound of metal.
Bugs's second hand' reaches over and feels Elmer’s bottom button and 'tings' it to see it his metal too. He then does the same on Elmer's top button. He then goes up to Elmer’s nose and 'tings' it the same way. Elmer is not pleased.
Bugs pulls his second hand back into the rabbit hole and pulls his first hand down to, dragging Elmer down onto the ground.
Elmer quickly gets up and, looking annoyed, pulls Bugs’ handcuffed arm up with his own handcuffed arm.
Bugs pulls it down and a tug of war ensues. Up, down, up, down…
Eventually, Elmer pulls up hard and falls away from the hole because there is no resistance. Bugs is no longer in the second handcuff, but a round black bomb with burning wick is.
Elmer looks horrified.
He tries to run away, but the bomb is heavy, stays still and Elmer springs back as if attached to a rubber band.
Elmer: (jumps up in the air) O-o-o-o-h-h-h-h! 
Elmer pats himself down.
Elmer: My keys! Where are my keys? My keys! My keys!
Elmer keeps repeating 'my keys' and the scene pans left to where Bugs is leaning on a tree, eating the carrot and swinging Elmer’s key ring on his finger.
Elmer: (offscreen) This bomb will expwode! Hurry up! Give me the keys! Ohhhhh!
Bugs: Ehhhh, what's up, Doc?
Elmer: Give me the keys, quick!
Elmer points at the bomb.
Elmer: Get me out of this pwedicament!
Elmer continues struggling.
Elmer: Huwwy up, unwock these cuffs!
Bugs: Alright, Doc, keep your shirt on, take it easy!
Bugs addresses to the camera.
Bugs: Gee, he's an excitable type.
Bugs pays attention to the key ring and goes through them, one by one.
Bugs: Now, let's see now, eh, the garage… the car… for the front door…
Bugs stops and wolf whistles to the audience over one key, then goes on to the next.
Bugs: Eh, the back door. Ah, here it is!
Bugs takes the key off the keyring.
The bomb explodes off scene.
Bugs looks very surprised.
Bugs: Oh, well!
Bugs 'tows' the keys away, and walks away, wiping his hands together''
Then he backs into the scene as Elmer has his rifle stuck in his belly button
Elmer: Oh, no you don't!
Elmer backs Bugs up against a tree.
Elmer: You're under arrest!
Bugs: On what charge? You got nuttin (nothing) on me!
Bugs 'knocks' the rifle out of 'Elmer’s' hands and Elmer’s hat covers his eyes again. He really needs a smaller hat!
Triumphant Mountie music plays.
Elmer: Oh, no? Well, wisten (listen) to this!
Elmer pulls a piece of paper from his coat and reads from it.
Elmer: Resisting an officer, assault and battery, trespassing,
Bugs listens, with a bored look on his face. He is chewing on a carrot.
Elmer: disturbing the peace, miscewaneous misdemeanours, pubwic nuisance,
Bugs reaches out and pulls on Elmer's button, then on his coat.
Elmer: traffic violations, going fwoouw a boulevard stop, jay-walking, triple parking, conduct unbecoming to a wabbit,
Bugs: (mutters) Hmm, nice lookin’ chapeau.
Bugs reaches out an grabs Elmer’s hat and puts it on his own head.
Elmer: (ignoring Bugs) Violating twaffic wegulations-
Bugs: (now wearing Elmer’s hat) Ten-shun!
Elmer responds automatically, throws away the piece of paper and comes to attention.
Bugs: (pretending to be someone in authority) Why, look at you! You call yourself a mountie!
Elmer starts to look apprehensive.
Bugs: You're a disgrace to the regiment! I’m gonna drum you out of the service!
Bugs rips the buttons from Elmer's jacket – large pieces of cloth come with the buttons.
Elmer is off camera while Bugs does most of the ripping and suddenly Bugs is holding a pair of black polka dot on yellow boxers. He looks surprised and realizes he has gone further than he meant to and hands them back, while Elmer puts them back on (offscreen) Bugs turns his back, crosses his arm and taps his fingers.
Bugs decides he has waited long enough and turns around.
The camera pans back and we see Elmer wearing his boxers – and a corset over an under shirt (his uniform is completely gone) and his socks.
Bugs pulls on the corset strings to make it impossibly tight and Elmer is squeezed in the middle.
Bugs lets go and the corset loosens explosively.
Elmer bounces up in the air, then hits the ground hard, and comes up looking angry, realizing Bugs is not a superior officer.
Bugs makes a kissing noise against his fingers, then runs for it.
Elmer runs after him, still in undershirt, corset and boxers.
Elmer then comes back and puts on his coat, with buttons magically restored, hat, trousers and boots.
Elmer then runs after Bugs.
Chase music plays. Bugs is running across the snow, with Elmer not far behind him.
Bugs turns and runs backwards, in order to kick snow into Elmer’s face. Bugs has a big grin on his face.
Bugs turns and runs forwards again.
He reaches a snow bank and runs right into it at high speed. He leaves a rabbit shaped hole in the snowbank.
Elmer follows him and enlarges the rabbit shaped hole into a Elmer-shaped hole.
We see Bugs come out the far side, again leaving a very clear rabbit-shaped hole.
Elmer comes out the same spot, replacing the rabbit-shaped hole with an Elmer-shaped hole.
They both continue running, now covered in snow.
The snow slowly blows off and it turns out they have swapped positions and Bugs is now chasing Elmer.
Bugs looks over his shoulder, looks surprised, stops and makes to grab Bugs. They both stop and skid to a halt, making a mound of snow in front of each of them.
They turn and run back the other way.
They run through the same snow bank.
Bugs runs through deep snow, only his ears sticking out the top (leaving two trails).
Elmer follows him through the snow, leaving a wide trail.
Bugs continues on and we see his ears go either side of a tree (Bugs, doing the impossible again!).
Elmer's wider trail runs straight into the tree and makes a crashing sound like a bell ringing.
Elmer's impact knocks all the snow off the tree, and it turns out to be a fully decorated Christmas Tree.
Elmer comes up out of the snow looking confused, with snow on his face such that he looks like Father Christmas, with his red jacket.
Bugs pops out of the snow nearby.
Bugs: Merry Christmas, Santy!
Bugs jumps up in the air, spins very fast and drills down into the snow, allowing him to escape''
New Scene:
Elmer is again fallowing Rabbit tracks, rifle in hand.
Bugs: (offscreen) So, you call yourself a mountie? Heh heh heh!
Elmer looks all around him, shocked, then turns to the source of the sound.
The camera pans and we see Bugs talking to a snowman that looks very much like Elmer.
Bugs: You can’t catch me! Why you couldn’t even catch a cold!
Elmer sneaks up behind Bugs.
Bugs: (to the snowman) You know what I’m gonna do to you?
Elmer turns to the camera and indicates we should be quiet.
Bugs: I'm gonna punch you right square in the nose.
Bugs rolls up his sleeve up and pulls his arm back preparing to punch the snowman.
Elmer is standing behind him with his arms crossed and toe tapping.
Bugs swings his fist then swings all of him right around and punches ELmer, sending him flying across the landscape, into a big wall of ice, making a heart-shaped print on it.
Bugs again jumps up in the air, spins really fast in the air and drills down in the snow to escape.
There is a high pitched sound while he drills down, then a moment later he throws a rock out of the hole.
The drilling sound then goes on.
Elmer runs up to the new hole in the snow and starts digging down with his hands.
From offscreen, we hear whistling.
Elmer stops digging to see what the noise is.
It is Bugs, in a less snowy area. He calls out to Elmer.
Bugs: Last one ins a rotten egg!
Elmer runs up with his rifle and Bugs dives into a hole in the rocks.
Elmer puts down his rifle against a tree and tries to wiggle into the far too small hole. His body is sticking out from the hips down.
Bugs, outside again, comes up behind him, grabs the rifle and throws it away then stands very straight and tall in the position the rifle was.
Elmer gives up trying to get in the hole.
Elmer: Come on out of there or I'll fill you full of wead (lead)!
Elmer picks up his 'rifle' (Bugs) and points it at the hole.
Elmer thinks he is firing the rifle and Bugs is saying "Bang!" every time he "shoots".
After 3 shots, Bugs starts saying "click" for every shot, implying Elmer is out of bullets.
Elmer: No more buwwets (bullet).
Elmer turns the "rifle" (Bugs) over and tries to looks down the mouth of the "rifle".
Bugs kisses Elmer.
Elmer wipes his face.
Bugs run away.
Elmer chases him.
Another chase scene across the snow.
They again go through the snow.
Bugs again runs straight into a snowdrift, leaving a nice rabbit-shaped hole.
Elmer follows him entering right beside him.
'Bugs somehow comes back and enters right beside Elmer.
And the Elmer somehow comes back and runs into the snowdrift right beside Bugs's.
The visual effect is of a set of paper dolls.
Bugs somehow leaves a shape of a shapely woman, and Elmer follows, but then comes back out the hole to look at the shape Bugs left, confused.
Bugs then leaves another hole, this time rabbit shaped, and the paper doll making continues.
Elmer runs up to the ‘snow’ to make one more hole, and clangs into an icy wall.
Bugs had painted on the previous rabbit shape to trick Elmer.
Elmer bursts into tears.
Elmer: Ahhh! ahahahahahah! I'm a disgwace (disgrace) to the wegiment (regiment)! Ahahahahahah!
Elmer throws himself on the ground and beats his hands and feet.
Bugs approaches.
Bugs: Come on, buck up! Don’t cry! I'll give myself up!
Bugs puts out his hands to be handcuffed.
Bugs: Here, take me in!
Elmer (sniffing) You weally mean it? It's not another twick'?
Bugs: (hands still out) No! Go ahead! Snap them on!
Elmer jumps up very quickly, snaps the handcuffs onto Bugs and his own wrist as he looks downright nasty.
Bugs: Okay, Doc – lets go.
Bugs leads the way, dragging Elmer.
New scene:
Bugs is standing, blindfolded and eating a carrot, in front of a 5-man firing squad. Elmer is commanding the firing squad with a sword.
Elmer: Weady, Mr. Wabbit?
Bugs: Yep, I'm ready, go ahead, Doc.
Elmer: Before you die, you can make one wast (last) wish.
Bugs turns towards Elmer, still blindfolded. The firing squad looks confused and lower their rifles.
Bugs: Yeah? Well, let's see now… Umm, I wish, erm… I wish, erm… (Bugs throws off the blindfold and starts singing) I wish I was in Dixie, hurray, hurray!
The scene magically changes, to be a very odd one.
We are now in a cotton field, the firing squad has transformed to 5 people very oddly attired in white trousers and red coat, Elmer is now black with a tambourine and Bugs is playing the banjo. All are wearing green bow ties.
Bugs, Elmer and 5 Men: (singing) Oh! Camptown ladies sing this song – doodah, doodah. Camptown racetracks five mile long All the doo-da day
Bugs: (to the audience) Fantastic! Isn’t it?''
Bugs, Elmer and 5 Men: (continue singing) Going to run all night Going to run all day I bet my money on a bob-tailed nag Somebody bet on the bay!
Iris out. End card appears.
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Category:Transcripts