Number Cruncher

"Number Cruncher" is a song from the Schoolhouse Rock! segment Scooter Computer and Mr. Chips. It teaches about computerized statistics.
==Lyrics==
Scooter:
Baseball's supposed to be fun!
Can't wait to hit a home run
But they got me playing the wrong position
Since they made me the statistician
I'm in numbers up to my ears!
This is going to take me years and years
And years and years and years . . .
Mr. Chips:
(spoken) Numbers? Scooter, did you say numbers?
Scooter:
(spoken) Yes, numbers, Mr. Chips. Batting averages, earned run averages, team standings . . . I can probably figure this stuff out, but I'll miss batting practice.
Mr. Chips:
(spoken) Feed me those numbers. I'll do the work.
Scooter:
(spoken) You mean . . .
Mr. Chips:
(spoken) Precisely!
Sit down Scooter, you're in for a treat,
Numbers, you see, are just my meat.
Because I'm a number cruncher,
A mathematical muncher,
I can round numbers off, I can square them,
I can line numbers up and compare them.
I can change them around, rearrange them around
I can deal with them in any way you choose.
I'm not a math professor,
I am a data processor.
I can mix numbers up and combine them,
I can take them apart and align them.
I can shake numbers up, I can break numbers up,
I can turn then into something you can use.
If you can punch them,
I can crunch them,
Because I'm a number cruncher.
Scooter:
(spoken) Mr. Chips, you're amazing!
Mr. Chips:
(spoken) Elementary, Scooter. A piece of cake. Just feed me the numbers, and I'll process them for you.
Scooter:
(spoken) In other words, I punch them . . .
Mr. Chips:
(spoken) Precisely, and I crunch them.
I process numbers as quick as a flash,
For whatever results you need.
I process numbers into measuring tools,
To measure sound and time and speed.
I process numbers to find just how fast
A rocket can get to Mars,
I project the future and recall the past,
And I can show you a map of the stars.
Scooter:
(spoken) Wow!
Mr. Chips:
I process numbers into curves and lines,
Display them on a graph or chart.
I process numbers into colors and shapes,
To make a digital work of art!
. . . A work of art!
Because I'm a number cruncher,
A mathematical muncher,
I can round numbers off, I can square them.
I can line numbers up and compare them.
I can change then around, rearrange them around,
I can deal with them in any way you choose.
I'm not a math professor,
I am a data processor.
I can mix numbers up and combine them,
I can take them apart and align them.
I can shake numbers up, I can break numbers up,
I can turn then into something you can use.
Scooter:
(spoken) My baseball statistics?
Mr. Chips:
(spoken) A piece of cake! But remember: First you have to punch them . . .
Scooter:
(spoken) I know . . . then you can crunch them . . .
Because you're a number cruncher!
Mr. Chips:
(spoken) Precisely!
Category:Songs
Category:Schoolhouse Rock! songs