Squidward's House Nightmare at Leni's Fan Club/transcript

== Transcript ==
Episode Aired: September 29, 2001
Episode Copyrighted: 2001
This episode is rated TV-PG-DLV.
Episode starts at Squidward's house, it is 5:30 PM. They are hastily cleaning his living room of any crumbs, messes and disorganization. They have invited over a couple of guests.
Lori Loud: Ah, my mom is coming for an half hour.
Squidward Tentacles: Only a half hour until my mother and famous art collector, Monty P. Moneybags arrive, and my house is a pigsty! Why?!!
A quick flashback shows Squidward and Lori laying down on his couch in underwear eating numerous snacks and leaving wrappers everywhere while watching TV. He also on purpose does not swipe his shoes on the door mat when walking in and out, makes several messes while cooking and numerous other slobby activities.
Back to the present.
Squidward Tentacles: Never mind.
Squidward is about to vacuum under his porcelain couch when suddenly he hears an explosion.
Squidward Tentacles: Aagh! What the hell?! *rushes up to my third floor Gallery and looks outside the window to find SpongeBob, Patrick and Lincoln playing one of their silly games*
Lincoln Loud: Oh, SpongeBob and Patrick, it's a letter for Leni.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Guys, the objective of the game is to run around the exploding bubble, not through it.
Patrick Star: But it's more fun going through!
Squidward Tentacles: Hey! Mind piping down you good for nothing morons!!
Lori Loud: Yeah, sounds good to me!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh hey Squidward! Want to play Ring Around the Exploding Bubbles with us?
Squidward Tentacles: NO!! I have two important guests coming over in a half hour and I have very limited time in making my house look spotless for them!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh uh maybe I can help, I am a Sponge after all.
Patrick Star: And I am an ignoramus! According to my doctor!
Lincoln Loud: Oh, Squidward I--
Squidward Tentacles: The day I let you jerks clean my biggest achievement I have made since graduating High School is NEVER!! NOW SHUT UP!!! *slams my window shut and goes back to my cleaning*
Mr. Stubborn: Six weeks later, He is...
Mr. Rude: Permanently banned from Roblox.
Mr. Stubborn: And he is going to jail...
Mr. Rude: And then he can't escape.
Mr. Stubborn: Sent to prison and it was all...
It cuts to a split screen. The left has Mr. Rude and the right has Mr. Stubborn.
Mr. Rude and Mr. Stubborn: HIS FAULT!
When Leni receives the adoration of many fans, Lori becomes jealous, so Leni makes them the president of Leni's Fan Club.
Yellow Rectangle: What's going on?!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Gee, Lincoln the fan mail!
Lincoln Loud: Oh Boy! Look at this fan mail!
Lisa Loud: This One Is For Leni.
Mr. Stubborn: *offscreen* PLOTTING MY REVENGE!
They heard Mr. Stubborn shouting.
Lincoln Loud: Hmm, I supposed it was wondered. Lori, can you guess what this mail name looks like?
Lori Loud: Mmm-hmm. It's Leni. Okay, Leni, you can get a mail.
Leni Loud: OH BOY! Where to start? where to start?
Lori Loud: Let a rip, Leni.
Lily Loud: Poo poo.
Lynn Loud Jr.: Yeah, you can do the wrap off, Leni!
Leni Loud: Yes!
Luna Loud: Come on, open up, dude!
Mr. Tickle: Hey guys, who needs a tickle? Lily does! *tickles Lily*
Lily Loud: *giggles*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Um, Patrick?
Patrick Star: Yes Buddy?
SpongeBob SquarePants: I think Leni is a big fan now!
Patrick Star: I agree.
Red Rectangle: What do I think I was permanently banned from Roblox?
Leni Loud: Like, Okay. Let's do it!
Leni is ripping the present out and the mail has found.
Leni Loud: Wow! Look, Lori, one's for me!
Lori Loud: And here's one. for you too.
Leni Loud: Wow! another one for me!
Lori Loud: *gets almost annoyed* "Another one for you."
Leni Loud: me, me, me.
Lori Loud: *gets annoyed* For you, you, YOU!
Leni Loud: me, me, me.
Lori Loud: *gets furiously* YOU, YOU, YOU!
Leni Loud: Me! Me!
Lori Loud: You! You!
Leni Loud: Me!
Lori Loud: YOU!
Leni Loud: ME!
Lori Loud: YOU!
Leni Loud: ME!
Lori Loud: YOU!!
Leni Loud: And the last one's for me! Oh boy! I sure love reading fan mail, Lori. Don't you?
Lori Loud: *sniffs* Oh yeah, that's great. Great for YOU! Yeah sure! Everybody loves you! People always love the stupid one! But nobody ever loves the jerk! Everybody hates me! *cries*
Leni Loud: *gets concerned* Now Lori, Nobody hates you.
Squidward Tentacles: LYNN, LISA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!
Lisa Loud: We Should Probably Get The Mail Sometime.
Lynn Loud Jr.: Yeah, We tried to be your best.
Lori Loud: Oh, COME ON! LET'S FACE THE TRUTH! YOU'VE BEEN CARRYING ME, I KNOW! I know that. It's you they love, but I need love too! I just wanna be literally loved and important like you! Is that so wrong?
Lori pluckered his lips and Leni pluckered his lips and Lori is crying.
Squidward Tentacles: Lori, come back here.
Lincoln Loud: Hey SpongeBob and Patrick.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Well you heard the man Pat, Linc, gotta keep quiet and not clean for him.
Patrick Star: Really?
SpongeBob SquarePants: What?
Patrick Star: Do I seriously have to remind you again?!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Remind me of what?
Patrick Star: Remind me of huh?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Pat!
Patrick Star: Oh right! No means yes!
SpongeBob SquarePants: But..
Patrick Star: Don’t but me! I don’t have a but! No will always mean yes!
SpongeBob SquarePants: So…. you have a but?
Patrick Star: No!
SpongeBob SquarePants: So you do?
Patrick Star: Yes! Now you got the hang of it!
Lincoln Loud: Guys, don't need to fight.
Mr. Noisy: Hello there, I'm Mr. Noisy. what about you Leni?
Leni Loud: Totes are real!
Mr. Noisy: Very good, what about you Mr. Grumpy?
Mr. Grumpy: Me, Squidward is over there!
SpongeBob SquarePants: So what you are saying is that we have to clean Squidward's house even if he said no.
Patrick Star: It's a no brainer, SpongeBob! I know it because I have no brain!
SpongeBob SquarePants: You have a brain.
Patrick Star: Indeed, I do! Okay, enough 20 questions! You clean!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Aye Aye! Uh wait, what are you going to do.
Patrick Star: *climbs on top of his rock roof and grabs out a bag of Lays Potato Chips* Simple! Stare at the sky while eating potato chips! *puts on sunglasses and does that*
SpongeBob SquarePants: *rolls my eyes and goes to clean*
Lincoln Loud: Guys, Listen. *whispers to SpongeBob, Patrick and Leni*
Mr. Stubborn: MR. RUDE, CLEAN THE WINDOWS!
Mr. Rude: Okay. *cleans the window then breaks it* Sorry.
Mr. Stubborn: MR. RUDE, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE! I TOLD YOU TOO CLEAN THE WINDOWS!
Mr. Rude: *to Mr. Stubborn* ARE YOU TELLING ME WHAT TO DO!
Mr. Rude and Mr. Stubborn: *fights each other*
Time card reading "15 Minutes Later"
French Narrator: 15 minutes later.
5:45 PM, Squidward is still not done organizing his refrigerator yet.
Squidward Tentacles: Yikes! 15 minutes! *continues to organize my milk, pickles, imported cheese, sea salads and prune juice when suddenly, I hear something outside, then looks out his back window to find Spongebob and Lincoln harvesting his Petunias, then walks outside* Hey! What are you guys doing with my petunias?!!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Cleaning!
Lincoln Loud: But, Squidward--
Squidward Tentacles: That's harvesting dummy! And they can’t even be harvested! It has to be a crop!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Well you told us to clean.
Lincoln Loud: Well, they're fighting!
Squidward Tentacles: I did not say that at all!
SpongeBob SquarePants: You said no, which means yes.
Squidward Tentacles: Oh….. I see. *presses a button on my house which sends out a container over Patrick's*
Patrick Star: Hey! Who turned off the sun?!
Patrick is then bombarded with coconuts falling onto his head.
Patrick Star: Aaah! Aaah! Coconuts! *hides under my rock*
Mr. Rude: OH COME ON, THIS IS ABOUT FOR THE FIRST TIME!
Mr. Stubborn: PUT ME DOWN, MR. RUDE!
Mr. Rude and Mr. Stubborn: Huh?
Squidward Tentacles: *shuts the air container off and then reprimands Spongebob and Lincoln* Now vacate this garden!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh come on! I just want to help!
Lincoln Loud: Squidward, do you know where Lori is?
Squidward Tentacles: Hmmm, she's there, actually you know what, there is one thing even a braindead idiot like you can do.
SpongeBob SquarePants: What?
Squidward Tentacles: Guys, follow me. *leads Spongebob and Lincoln upstairs into the second floor bathroom* Okay, there she is! see that imported toilet right over there.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah
Squidward Tentacles: Since you are a Sponge as you mentioned earlier, I want you to clean this toilet.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Can do!
Spongebob begins using his body to squeegee Squidward's toilet. Squidward then presses the flusher.
SpongeBob SquarePants *gets flushed down the toilet*: Aaaaaaaaaaahhhh!
Squidward Tentacles: And get me a postcard from the sewer searats! Aha! Aha! Aha! I make funny jokes.
Lincoln Loud: *gets flushed down the toilet and screams*
Lori Loud: THANK YOU, TWERP!
Time card reading "Later"
French Narrator: Later...
Luna Loud: *sighs* Dudes.
Leni Loud: Oh, my god.
Lola and Lana Loud: Awww, Poor Lori.
Leni Loud: *gets sad until he has an idea* I know how you can be important, Lori!
Lori Loud: Yeah sure.
Leni Loud: I know how you can be really important.
Lori Loud: Really important? How?
Leni Loud: You can be the President! of my fan club!
Lori Loud: President?
Leni Loud: *nods my head*
Lori Loud: Wow. *gets dreamily President and gets angry after a phone call in the dream* WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T AGREE WITH ME? DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU'RE DEALING WITH?! *presses on a button that says "the button" and explodes the earth Downer left corner* AHAHAHAHAHAAHAAAAHAAHAA!!!!
Squidward Tentacles: *laughs*
Lori Loud: eeeeee. I'll do it!
Squidward Tentacles: Ms. President. *clears throat*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey Squidward, guess what, Lincoln invites Lori!
Lincoln Loud: Well, Ms. President. Ready for your first day in office
Lori Loud: Oh yeah.
Lily Loud Poo-poo.
Lincoln Loud: Okay, now it's your president now.
SpongeBob SquarePants: How about you, green
Green Rectangle: Luan, you should be a president.
Luan Loud: Okay then. All you do is answer the fan mail pile and then you put it right in here-
Lori Loud: *interrupts Luan* Hey, you're talking to the President, Luan.
Luan Loud: Yes I am! Carry on then.
Mr. Bump: Guys, Lori is a president now.
Blue Rectangle: and Lisa.
Lisa Loud: Well, I like this model elegant, I will like you to get a new note.
Lori Loud: Oh boy, that's me!
Luna Loud: And remember the rules, No swearing the note at the same time, bro.
Lori Loud: Okay, Luna. Carry on.
Squidward Tentacles: After all these years, Lori is a pres--
Luna Loud: *shuts the door*
Squidward Tentacles: HEY!
Lori Loud: *hums*
Ronnie Anne Santiago: Dear Leni, My name is Ronnie Anne. I am eleven years old and in the fifth grade.
Lori Loud: Aww, that's cute.
Mr. Tickle: Hey, somebody needs a tickle.
Lori Loud: Not now, Mr. Tickle.
Ronnie Anne Santiago: I like you on TV. You're my favorite TV puppet. I know all the words to your show. I want to be just like you when i grow up. From Ronnie.
Lori Loud: Hmm...Dear Ronnie, Thank you for the letter. I'm sure if you watch my show enough, you'll turn out just like me--yeah, braindead--Your Friend, Leni. Ah.
Sam Sharp: Dear Leni, I love you. You are funny. You are the funniest in the whole world. And you're the nicest too. You are nice to everybody. Even that ugly thing who yells at you. What is he anyway, a mosquito?
Lori Loud: *freaks out with steam coming from his head* Whhhaaa?
Sam Sharp: You're my biggest fan, Sam.
Lori Loud: *angry* OH, YOU'RE ASKING FOR IT. *with an evil smile* Dear Sam, There's no such thing as me. I'm just a cartoon, you moron. I bet you even believe in the Tooth Beaver. Love, Leni. Hey, this job's easy.
Clyde McBride: Dear Leni, I have a...secret. I know i can tell you because you are nice and would not tell anybody. I'm afraid to tell my friends because they'll laugh...
SpongeBob SquarePants: Dear Leni, I love you, guys. Sincerely, SpongeBob SquarePants.
Squidward Tentacles: *gets angry* THAT'S IT!
Lori Loud: Ohhhh, It's Clyde.
Clyde McBride: I know you will never laugh at me.
Lori Loud: Nmm-hmm.
Clyde McBride: So...here's my secret. Every night..I wet the bed.
Lori Loud: Ahh! *gets disgusted by the note, then throws the note up, then looks down at it*
Clyde McBride: I can't help it! Please tell me what to do! Your friend, Clyde.
Lori Loud: Dear Clyde, You make me SICK! You probably wet the bed on purpose. *zooms out to Lincoln, pointing proudly to Lori* I am reading letters to everybody at your school warning them never to sleep over with you. Your friend-
Lincoln Loud: Nice note we've got here. *surprised, interrupts Lori for being mean to Clyde* LORI!!! For shame! Wetting the bed is nothing to ashamed of. Lots of kids do it. hmph! You and I still do it.
Lori Loud: *gasps, covers Lincoln's mouth and looks at the viewers* "Shhhh!" *looks at his hand, then viewers, hands, and then Lincoln* You're right, Lincoln. Clyde needed help...and I laughed at him. I don't deserve to live. Here pal. *gives Lincoln a knife that says "Rubber Knife"* Go ahead, cut me! Come on Lincoln, do us all a favor!
Squidward Tentacles: Go ahead, Lincoln.
Lincoln Loud: Hm? Hmm... *shrugs at audience and prepares to stab Lori* No, Lori. *throws knife, girl screaming and a pop sound* There will be no "letting the blood" today. I think you've learned your lesson.
Lori Loud: You're right, Lincoln. I promise *farts* to be more kind and literally compassionate in my duties as President.
Lincoln Loud: Good for you, Lori.
Lori Loud: *cracks his hands, gets a note, puts on reading glasses and holds letter in his hand*
Paige: Dear Leni, I have a boyfriend, but he is always mean to me. My only friends are you and my TV. and I know that you would never be mean to me. You are the most kindest, most "loving-est" guy in the whole world. Why can't I always be more like you. I love you, Paige.
Lori Loud: Dear Paige, Your problem is clear to me. The reason your boyfriend is mean to you is probably because you're too stupid. But don't worry, maybe someday you'll be as stupid as I am. And then everyone will love you as much as they do me. Your Stupid Friend, Leni.
Luan Loud: How it's going, Lori?
Lori Loud: Luan, you'd be proud of your president.
Luan Loud: And I be LOUD of My president. *laughs* Get It?
Lori Loud: That's So Funny. So Keep Up A Good Work.
Benny: Dear Leni, You are the funniest...
Lori Loud: *becomes anxious, hearing the same people saying how good Leni*
Lori is shaking and sweaty.
Red Rectangle: I think Lori's right.
Mr. Rude: Okay, I'll give some *honks*
Lincoln Loud: MR. RUDE!
Mr. Stubborn: Now, Mr. Rude, change light bulbs.
Mr. Rude: Okay. *drops light bulbs and breaks it*
Mr. Stubborn: MR. RUDE, AREN'T YOU LISTENING TO ME?
Mr. Rude: *sighs*
Time card reading "14 Minutes Later"
French Narrator: 14 minutes later.
Squidward Tentacles: *heads back downstairs, it is 5:59 PM, one minute left* Fishpaste! 1 minute left! Alright let's see uh my stereo and all my 1980's records are in delicate shape uhhh all of my TV channels except the boring education ones are blocked uhhhhhh, and my Kitchen doesn’t look like it was rampaged by giant cyclops for a change so uhhh, oh crud, I forgot! *opens my closet door and grabs out a white table cloth* Table cloak! *sets it up as well as lights a candle and dims his light. 6 PM, Mama Tentacles and Monty P. Moneybags walks in* Mother, Monty, you showed up just in the nick of time.
Monty P. Moneybags: Between you and me, I had all the time in the world, especially how non-artsy this house is! Ahahahhaha!
Squidward Tentacles: Hahah, nice joke.
Mrs. Tentacles: SQUIDWARD!!!
Lori Loud: Wait, Mom.
Lori's Mom: LORI!!
Squidward Tentacles: What you old hag uh I mean delicate princess!
Mrs. Tentacles: Why is your house so dark?! Do you seriously want your mother to trip and break her leg the fourth time!!!
Squidward Tentacles: Well, you’re 95, isn’t that what you do everyday?
Mrs. Tentacles: I'M 96!! STUPID BOY!!!
Lori's Mom: YEAH, ME TOO!
Mr. Stubborn: YEAH, SQUIDWARD IS STUPID!
*Thunder and Lightning*
Squidward Tentacles: Whatever!! Anyways, you will enjoy this delicate evening! I have a seachicken roasting in the oven now and I can’t wait to showcase you my artistic delicacies!
Mrs. Tentacles: I can only eat frozen peas you dumb sorry excuse for a loser son!
Monty P. Moneybags: You’re art is good right, I need a museum collection to fill my time, or my wife will fill that slot and she is as crazy as your mother! Ahahahaha!
Mrs. Tentacles: Oh shut it you fat jerk! Go back to Timbuktu where they will be glad to get a meal!
Mr. Rude: YEAH!
Mr. Stubborn: SHUT UP, YOU FAT JERK!
*Thunder and Lightning then, it starts to rain outside*
Squidward Tentacles: It's-- It's Raining! Monty and Hateful Evil Wicked Witch of the West, uh I mean Mother! Why don’t you take a seat while I get you your frozen peas and later my self-portraits!
*Thunder and Lightning, continues raining outside*
They take a seat.
Mr. Rude: Hey, this isn't water. It's nacho cheese. *eats corn chips with nacho cheese*
Mr. Stubborn: MR. RUDE!
Mrs. Tentacles: This seat cushion feels like it was left outside all Winter and it smells like a trash can!!
Squidward Tentacles: Sorry. *under my breath* Hag.
Mr. Stubborn: I HATE NACHO CHEESE!
*Thunder and Lightning strikes Squidward's house and breaks through roof, continues raining outside*
Squidward Tentacles: *screams*
Spongebob and Lincoln then bursts inside.
SpongeBob SquarePants: I got it Squidward!
Lincoln Loud: Got it!
Squidward Tentacles: SPONGEBOB?!! LINCOLN?!!
Mrs. Tentacles: Who is this clown?! Looks like a walking piece of cottage cheese! I HATE COTTAGE CHEESE!
Lori's Mom: ME TOO!
Monty P. Moneybags: I don’t hate anything, unlike my worm which barks at anything to bite their pants off! Ahahahah!
Squidward Tentacles: What are you doing here you yellow beast of burden?!
SpongeBob SquarePants: I got that postcard like you said! *shows Squidward the searat postcard*
Squidward Tentacles: Barnacles..
Lori Loud: Dang It..
Mr. Rude: WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MR. STUBBORN!
Mr. Stubborn: THIS IS THE WORST DAY IF I EVER HAD!
*Thunder and Lightning, continues raining outside*
Mr. Bump: Mr. Stubborn?
Mr. Stubborn: QUIET, YOU-- O_O
Patrick and Leni then shows up.
Leni Loud: Hey guys!
Patrick Star: I smell oven roasted seachicken! May I taste a sneak peek test Squidward?!
Mrs. Tentacles: You taste chicken?! You should eat broccoli and try something called jogging! You are as fat as this other fat zero sitting next to me! Go buy a treadmill!
Squidward Tentacles: PATRICK! LENI! GET OUT!
Mr. Stubborn: GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE!
Patrick Star: NO! We will kick ourselves out!
Patrick Star and Leni Loud: *kicks ourselves making us fly off and eventually crash into a mountain*
Squidward Tentacles: Moron.
Lori Loud: YOU LITTLE TWERP!
*Thunder and Lightning, continues raining outside*
Mr. Rude: WHY YOU!
Mr. Rude and Mr. Stubborn: *fights each other*
Lori's Mom: Mrs. Tentacles, he lost weight.
Mrs. Tentacles: At least he got some exercise. Maybe he lost some of that 4,000 pounds?!! Then again, it would be better than your -8 Squidloser!
Squidward Tentacles: Whatever you say you old zombie.
Mrs. Tentacles: WHAT?!
SpongeBob SquarePants: So can I stay Squidward! Please Please Please!
Lincoln Loud: Please!
Squidward Tentacles: Leave!
Lori Loud: I am Ms. President, so leave.
Lincoln Loud: But, Lori I--
Lori Loud: LEAVE!
SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: *pouts and sniffles and then shows his puppy dog eyes*
Mrs. Tentacles: Yuck ya look like one of them Asians!
Squidward Tentacles: Bigot!
Mrs. Tentacles: Was I talking to you jerk?!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Please Squidward!!!
Lincoln Loud: Please Lori!!!
Squidward Tentacles and Lori Loud: FINE ERRRGHHH!!
Lori Loud: Have it your way, SpongeBob and Lincoln!
Squidward Tentacles: Don’t be annoying though!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Yes sir!
Time card reading "30 Minutes Later"
French Narrator: 30 minutes later.
The scene jumps to 6:30 PM. Squidward sets down the oven roasted turkey in front of Spongebob, Monty and the hateful mother at the table.
*Thunder and Lightning, continues raining outside*
Mr. Quiet: Guys, Let me in.
Squidward Tentacles: Fine! *opens the door and let's Mr. Quiet in* Eat up.
Mrs. Tentacles: You can’t cook for nothing! You’re father was a real man! You cook like those stupid good for nothing Millennials and Shin Noodles!
Lori's Mom: Shin Noodles!
Lori Loud: Yeah, you're right!
Squidward Tentacles: I know a place you could go after dinner, go west down the street, past the Krusty Krab and through a willow.
Mrs. Tentacles: That's a graveyard you dumb machine!
Squidward Tentacles: Perfect! Where you should be under the sand by now! *picks them old boney body up*
Mrs. Tentacles: Hey put us down! My bingo friends will make fun of me for being manhandled by my stupid son!
Lori's Mom: Leave us alone, you idiot!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Put them down Squidward!
Lincoln Loud: Leave them alone, Squidward!
Squidward Tentacles: Whatever.
Time card reading "30 More Minutes Later"
French Narrator: 30 more minutes later.
7:00 PM, dinner concludes. Squidward's mother has fallen asleep on the couch with her false teeth dripping out.
*Thunder and Lightning, continues raining outside*
Monty P. Moneybags: Now Squidward, you said you had some self-portraits to show me.
Squidward Tentacles: Indeed, I do! I think you will be impressed by my extravagant style of the paints!
Monty P. Moneybags: I hope I will because, If I was a statement collector I would say that the statement would belong in the dumpster! Ahhahaha!
Squidward Tentacles: Hahaha ha, I don’t get it.
SpongeBob SquarePants: I’ll show you where the portraits are Mr.Moneybags! *takes the art collector's hand and rushes upstairs two stories with him.
Squidward Tentacles: SpongeBob, you idiot!
He follows. They burst into the gallery.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Here we are Monty! The gallery! Full of those 492 amazing portraits! Glass figurines! Hegre Art! And sculptures!
Squidward arrives.
Squidward Tentacles: Do you like it?
Monty P. Moneybags: *puts my glasses on and grabs a vase* What's this?
Squidward Tentacles: Oh that, that's called “Squidward en vase,” modeled after the ancient ming vase!
Monty P. Moneybags: Well no wonder it is ancient, by the look of it, it's flowers would’ve been dead since then! Ahahahaa!
Mr. Stubborn: LET ME GO!
Mr. Rude: Come on, this isn't about the first time you've seen me fight someone out.
Mr. Quiet: Um, Guys!
Lincoln Loud: *to Squidward* These vases are stupid!
Squidward Tentacles: Yeah you’re right! Vases are stupid!
Squidward then gets out a self-portrait.
Mr. Rude: Quick, go outside.
Mr. Stubborn: Yeah!
Mr. Rude and Mr. Stubborn: *leaves Squidward’s House*
*Thunder and Lightning strikes Mr. Rude and Mr. Stubborn, continues raining outside*
Mr. Rude and Mr. Stubborn: Ouch!
Lincoln Loud: SpongeBob! SpongeBob! SpongeBob, where are you?!
Lori Loud: Where is he Squidward?!
Squidward Tentacles: This impressive piece of artwork is called “A Thousand Points of Squid.”
Monty P. Moneybags: Impressive and a thousand? More like repulsive and a zero! Ahahaha!
Squidward Tentacles: *grabs a sign in the shape of his head* How about this?
Monty P. Moneybags: Wait let me guess! “Pipes from the dump?”
Squidward Tentacles: No!................ Yes.
Monty P. Moneybags: Ahahahaha!
Mrs. Tentacles: *finally makes it upstairs with my cane* What's all this racket up here?! We were dreaming about meeting Frank Jazz from the 1920s!
Lori’s Mom: Hey, We’re dreaming about listening to music!
Lori Loud: Mom!
Squidward Tentacles: What do you think of my art Mother?
Mrs. Tentacles: They look like they were drawn by six year old children! Even they can do better than you! You stink at coloring with Crayolas!
Squidward Tentacles: It's not coloring with crayolas! It's state of the art painting!
Lori's Mom: You’re coloring with Crayolas!
Lori Loud: I’m not, Mom!
Monty P. Moneybags: More like bait for the garbage men! Ahahaha!
Squidward Tentacles: Zip it Monty.
Mrs. Tentacles: Still looks like children's play to me.
Squidward Tentacles: YOU KNOW WHAT! I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOU, YOU OLD MONSTER! ALL MY LIFE! YOU HAVE RIDICULED ME AFTER RIDICULED ME FOR DOING STUFF LIKE RIDING A BIKE, OR DRAWING OR PLAYING THE KAZOO OR EVEN TAKING A BATH! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH! YOU WERE A HORRIBLE MOTHER AND THE REASON FOR MY ILL-TEMPERAMENT AND MY LOW-CLASS LIFE! BUT I WILL NEVER BECOME THE HATEFUL BIGOTS YOU AND FATHER WERE! WHY CAN’T YOU JUST LEAVE!
It is nighttime and Leni is already asleep, but Lori is still awake, deeply disturbed
*Thunder and Lightning, continues raining outside*
Lori Loud: I... I was nice today...nice to all those insipid little Monkeys....answering their stupid letters. My hands....dirty!...the dirt won't come off…*sniffs twice, screaming at his tainted hands* AAAAAAH! *ruefully* President...what a joke. President, President of what!? His fan club...How they love him! Look at him. Lying there asleep, the idol of millions! She's a fool! Blind, silly little fool! How easily I could end the farce...with these hands, these dirty hands! And with these hands, I hold the fate of millions. They think she's a god, but she's as mortal as we. I know! Just one quick TWIST...and it's over. Just one. AAAHH! It's happening again! My brain! Hot, stinging BRAIN!! *echos* AAAAHHHH! AAAAHHHH! AAAAHHHH!
*Thunder and Lightning, continues raining outside*
SpongeBob SquarePants: This is kind of a bad time Squidward but uhhhh I uh accidentally let Patrick into your washing machines again.
Lincoln Loud: Right!
The house bursts and is destroyed making Patrick float away in the stream.
Patrick Star: Guess I’m going on vacation.
Leni Loud: Me too.
Spongebob, Squidward, Monty, Mrs. Tentacles, Lincoln, Lori, Lori’s Mom, Mr. Rude, Mr. Stubborn and Mr. Quiet stand in the flooded remains of Squidward's house.
Squidward Tentacles: And now I have just lost what I had managed to achieve in my horrible good for nothing life! Oh the Universe strikes again! Strike me on the head while you’re at it!
SpongeBob SquarePants: I think I am going now. *swims away to join Patrick and Leni on that vacation*
Lincoln Loud: I am going too. *swims away to join SpongeBob, Patrick and Leni on that vacation*
*Thunder and Lightning, continues raining outside*
Monty P. Moneybags: Normally I would make one of my bad but good jokes but I think I’ll leave now too. *swims away in a different direction*
Mr. Quiet: Me too as well! *swims away in a different direction*
Mr. Rude: Quick, we have to leave now!
Mr. Stubborn: Me too!
Mr. Rude and Mr. Stubborn: *swims away in a different direction*
Lori’s Mom: Come on Lori, let’s go.
Lori Loud and My Mom: *swims away in a different direction*
*Thunder and Lightning, continues raining outside*
Squidward Tentacles: *to my mom* WHY CAN’T YOU JUST APPRECIATE ME FOR ONCE YOU OLD EMULATION OF THE LIVING DEAD?!!
Mrs. Tentacles: BECAUSE!!!! …….. I’M JEALOUS!
Squidward Tentacles: What do you mean jealous?!
Mrs. Tentacles: DO YOU THINK I LIKE BEING THIS OLD BIGOT WHO HATES EVERYBODY AND EVERYTHING!! NO I DON’T!!!! I HATE THAT TOO!!!
Squidward Tentacles: Come again?
Mrs. Tentacles: THE REASON WHY I WAS HARD ON YOU ALL YOUR LIFE WAS BECAUSE, THERE WILL BE PEOPLE THAT ARE GOING TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YA!!! I USED TO BE A VERY HAPPY PRETTY WOMAN! BY THE WAY DON’T MAKE A USED TO JOKE! AND I WAS CHEATED OUT OF A GREAT PRIZE! I WAS LED TO BELIEVE I HAD WON THE NEW KELP MODEL T! BUT NO!!!! SOME PRETENTIOUS LITTLE FOOL DECIDED TO TAKE ALL MY MONEY AND LEAVE ME EMPTY-HANDED!!! THERE ARE ALOT OF SCUM AND FILTH OUT THERE SQUIDDY! SO I HAD TO BE HATEFUL AND WICKED JUST SO YOU WOULDN’T GO THROUGH THE SAME DISTRESS I EXPERIENCED!! THERE!!! NOW YOU UNDERSTAND?!!
*Thunder and Lightning, continues raining outside*
Squidward Tentacles: Oh man, I uhh actually had no idea that you had that happen to you.
Mrs. Tentacles: I never told ANYBODY! Not even that joke that was your FATHER! I wanted to take it to my grave and never had it go out, not even in my will! But after that outburst you threw at me! I had no choice! So there you go! Now you know!
Squidward Tentacles: I’m sorry Mother.
Mrs. Tentacles: Sorry for what?!!
Squidward Tentacles: I’m sorry for being such a horrible son, I should’ve been there for you, you’re 95 and can’t get around much in life anymore.
Mrs. Tentacles: 96! I think.
Squidward Tentacles: Point is, I’m sorry.
Mrs. Tentacles: Well uh, thank you I guess. NO HUGS THOUGH! I left my disinfectant at home!
Squidward Tentacles: Handshake?
Mrs. Tentacles: Arthritis.
Squidward Tentacles: *nods a thank you*
Mrs. Tentacles: *nods a bit back with no smile* What are you trying to do, give me WHIPLASH?!
Squidward Tentacles: No, but I can give you a ride back home. You still live down the grove, up the hill, next to the shack those annoying kids from many years ago lived at?
Mrs. Tentacles: No! I live at the retirement home, and no not SHADY SHOALS!
Squidward Tentacles: Just direct me.
Mrs. Tentacles: Whatever.
Squidward helps his mother get into his boat and then they drive off to wherever she lives and stops raining.
In the morning...
Lori Loud: His stupid letters... I don't of this... I could just do it for the fan club.... Now it was a only one that way... hahahaha.
*doorbell rings*
Lola Loud: Hey, Lori! We got our own Leni's Fanclub! Would you like to see it?
Lana Loud: Maybe that's a way tough then I thought, Lola. I supposed for checking his Leni's Fan Club.
Lola Loud: Ohh, you mean a Leni's fan Club. Here's your Leni's fan club!
Lori Loud: *sighs and starts reading* Dear, Leni, I hope you enjoyed my special producer named Leni Loud. Please remain for the house immediately. Signed Joe? *No reading* What the heck is that for?
Lana Loud: Oh, you know that guy will be going for checking with fans, fans and MORE FANS!
Lola Loud: Are you excited?
Lori Loud: I don't know what I am excited. I literally do with fan club with Leni!
Lola Loud: Okay, ta-ta now!
Lana Loud: Oh, by the way, Keep a change! *gives Lori a dollar*
Lori Loud: *giggles Maniacally* She's a stupid female named Leni Loud! She's not a real animal, hehehehee, she's a monster. *laughs Manically and runs away*
Yellow Rectangle: Hey, where’s Squidward?
Time card reading "The Next Morning"
French Narrator: The next morning.
The Next Morning...
Lori’s Mom: *offscreen* hehehe, hehehehe. His stupid fan mail. oh, heheheheh, eeheheh. I'll fix him, I'll take care of this letter business.. once and for all. ahaha.
*doorbell rings*
Mailman: Mailman. Got some mail here!
Lori’s Mom is revealed to be in a Robotic Rita.
Mailman: Ah, hello Ms. Lori Loud. You're looking healthy this morning.
Lori’s Mom: Shut up. uhhh.. I don't want anymore of your filthy letters! Your services are not welcomed here, and, Uhh.... tell those pesky kids to stop writing me, Leni Loud.
Mailman: Um, Whatever you say. Actually, I only have one letter today and it's for Ms. Lori Loud. I guess I'll just throw this one out.
Lori’s Mom: GIVE ME THAT! ahahaehehe! Letter for me, letter for me! Nothing for Leni! No, no, no, Ms. Lori Loud! ahehehhehe! It says!
Leni Loud: *wakes up* Aaahh, Good Morning Lori and Squidward.
Lori Loud: Kihihihihi~! You, you and your fan mail! Mr. Fan Club! *jumps out of Rita loud's robot* *Everybody loves you, don't they?! Well guess what the Mailman bought you today...NOTHING! This letter's for me! See?! You they have forgotten?! Now it's me they love! It is I that is the most loved. I, who shall literally rule! OH YES! THIS IS THE PROOF! THIS IS THE PROOF THAT YOU...ARE...FINISHED! Listen! This one says: Dear Lori, it's me, it's me! You are my favorite TV star called The Loud House! Nobody, nobody but you is funny or smart as you. SEE? ARE YOU GETTING THIS?! I AM THE BEST!" *echos* I AM QUEEN!! *normal tone* Listen to this! You may learn something. I wish I could literally be just like you! How about THAT?! A man with some ambition. You are my favorite person in whole wide WORLD! HA! Love~, it says love~. Your pal,.... *gets surprised* Leni?
Mrs. Tentacles: Alright, that’s it! This is not funny!
Squidward Tentacles: What?
*donkey sound*
Lori Loud: Oh, Leni. I'm so ashamed.
Leni Loud: I meant every word.
Lori Loud: *cries*
Leni Loud: There, there Lori. There, there!
Lori Loud: Look at me. Big, mean Mom...crying like a baby. Pretty pathetic, huh?
Leni Loud: Oh, pasha! No one will never know. You just cry your little eyes out.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Alright, we're off to vacation.
Patrick Star, Lincoln and Leni Loud: Yeah!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Lincoln and Leni Loud: *leaves off to vacation*
Squidward Tentacles: *cries*
8 Loud Sisters And Rectangles in the window are seen.
Lisa, Lola, Lana, Lucy, Lynn, Luan, Luna Loud, Yellow, Red, Blue, Orange, Pink, Green, Purple, White and Black Rectangle: Ugh!
Lori Loud and Squidward Tentacles: *cries off screen*
Time card reading "Epilogue"
French Narrator: Epilogue.
SpongeBob, Patrick, Lincoln and Leni lay on the sand nearby due to the stream taking them not as far after all.
SpongeBob SquarePants: How sweet right Patrick!
Patrick Star: But I thought candy was sweet.
SpongeBob SquarePants: That it is Pat, that it is.
Lincoln Loud: Hey, Leni.
Leni Loud: Hey, Lincoln.
Lincoln Loud: It was the best day ever!
Leni’s Mom: Hey guys!
Leni Loud: Hi Mom!
Screen cuts to the attic.
Mr. Stubborn: I agree, wearing a tie every day despite neither of us having a job is perfectly appropriate.
Mr. Rude: It gives you a sense of purpose when you have absolutely nothing to do.
Mr. Stubborn: You know, Mr. Rude, maybe you and I aren't so different after all.
Mr. Rude: And all it took was my children locking us in a dumpster to realize it. We should've just done this in the first place.
They both shake hands.
Cop #42: *offscreen, opens the attic door*
Mr. Rude: Ahh, boys finally.
Cop #42: *appears* The worst part about this job is you give people a second chance and you still end up having to taze them.
Mr. Rude: Wait! That was all his fault!
Mr. Stubborn: Don't listen to him, officer! He's nothing but a good for nothing—
Cop #42: *tazes them*
*It says “THE END” Episode ends*
Category:Transcripts
Category:The esa Episodes
Category:The esa Season 5 Transcripts