To Kill a Sponge/Transcript

* [the episode starts with Plankton getting thrown out of Krusty Krab by Mr. Krabs.]
* Mr. Krabs: Will you ever learn that you will never get me formula?! You're too small and stupid for that kind of action!
* Plankton: I would've succeed if this stupid SpongeBoob didn't captured me in his pickle jar.
* Mr. Krabs: Yeah, better luck next time, kelpy.
* [rolls Plankton into a little ball and smashes him with a puck in The Chum Bucket]
* Mr. Krabs: Right in the doors of the smelly old bucket...
* [the next scene shows SpongeBob in a boat with Mrs. Puff, driving crazy on the roof of the hospital]
* Fred: [hears the noises coming from the roof] Oh no, the Foot Breaking Demon found me... Again...
* Mrs. Puff: SpongeBob, stop the boat this instant! I don't want you bringing me in this place once again!
* SpongeBob: Don't worry, Mrs. Puff, i'm a professional, i drove a rock once.
* Mrs. Puff: It's a BOAT, not a rock, you should be gentle with it!
* SpongeBob: Gentle? That's easy! [pets the boat] Who's a good boaty?
* Mrs. Puff: NOT THAT GENTLE!!!
* [SpongeBob loses control of the boat, it breaks the roof of the hospital and falls right onto Fred's legs]
* Fred: [feels no pain] I don't feel my feet anymore, you can stop now.
* SpongeBob: Why are you here anyways?
* Fred: My arms are broken. [shows his broken arms]
* SpongeBob: Ok, i can't talk now, i need to back up this boat. [tries to back the boat up but drives on Fred's arms]
* Fred: MY ARMS!!!
* [the next scene shows Squidward walking from work while SpongeBob goes from boating school humming a tune]
* Squidward: Oh no, not that yellow jerk again.
* SpongeBob: Oh, hi Squidward!
* Squidward: Bye, you imbecile.
* SpongeBob: You won't believe what happened today! I was at boating school trying to start a boat, and when i did...
* Squidward: CAN YOU PLEASE LET ME RELAX FROM YOU?!!!!!!
* SpongeBob: But this story is so funny, you'll totally crack like an egg from it!
* Squidward: I'm already cracked from YOU!!!
* SpongeBob: Okay, i'll tell you this story tomorrow. 
* Squidward: Better don't tell me at all.
* [the screen turns into split-screen with Squidward, Mrs. Puff and Plankton]
* Plankton: This square guy always ruins my day.
* Mrs. Puff: He's worse than anything!
* Squidward: I feel gross when he's standing next to me. I can't even believe we're neighbors.
* All: Someday i'll get rid of this buffoon FOREVER!
* [All three go to sleep]
* [in the morning, Squidward wakes up first]
* Squidward: Morning, oh darn morning. Back to the horrible shift with SpongeBob again.
* Mrs. Puff: Back to the horrible crazy driving student SpongeBob again.
* Plankton: Back to my plans spoiled by SpongeBob again.
* Squidward: Oh, what a coincidence. Mrs. Puff and Plankton also hate being with Spo... Mrs. Puff? Plankton?!
* Mrs. Puff: Squidward? Plankton?
* Plankton: Squidward? That pufferfish teacher?
* Squidward: What do you all guys doing here?!
* Edward: I know the answer. [turns on the lights to reveal his scary-looking face]
* Mrs. Puff: Oh no...
* Edward: OH YES!!!
* Mrs. Puff: What do you want from us?!
* Edward: Well, you've been talking about SpongeBob recently and i decided to help you.
* Squidward: How? You can take his home away?!
* Edward: Even better. I can KILL him!!!
* [reveals his collection of murderous things]
* Squidward: W-wha?...
* Edward: So many knives and chainsaws... Looks like a perfect collection for ultimate killer!
* Plankton: I'd say ultimate maniac...
* Edward: Oh, here's my most favourite one!
* [takes out a weird-looking thing]
* Edward: I call it CHAINKNIFEHAMMERSAW!!! I made it myself!
* Squidward: Well, i knew you're weird, but i didn't knew you're THAT crazy...
* Edward: I'M crazy?! You all are crazy! I'm trying to get rid of you're fears, and you haven't thanked me yet?
* Mrs. Puff: We don't want to kill SpongeBob! We just want him to... Get away from us.
* Edward: Really? Well, remember that time you were on a demolition derby?
* [Mrs. Puff looks away]
* Edward: Or when Squidward had his "happiest memory"?
* [Squidward looks down]
* Edward: See? You all are crazy. And i brought you all here to help me get rid of this yellow junk.
* Plankton: I won't help you! You're MAD!!! You're killing an innocent guy!!!
* Edward: Innocent? Try to live with him for at least a lifetime or so, and you'll realise he's more dangerous than me.
* Mrs. Puff: He's not that dangerous, only if not driving. First remember dangerous thing YOU had done, young man!
* [shows clips of Edward breaking Mr. Krabs' shell, shutting Pearl's blowhole and cracking Sandy's water helmet]
* Mrs. Puff: Isn't it mad?!
* Edward: Doesn't seems like that to me.
* Squidward: I don't know if i'm really saying it, but i will PROTECT this little guy as much as possible!
* Mrs. Puff: Agreed!
* Plankton: Doesn't fits with my evil nature, but i'm with you!
* Edward: Good try, but i'm the lord here, so get your weapon and go kill 'em!
* All: Yes, sir...
* Narrator: The next day...
* [SpongeBob is at the grill making Krabby Patties]
* Squidward: S-spongeB-bob... Two Krabby Patties and f-fries...
* SpongeBob: Coming right up, buddy!
* Edward: [through a headphone in Squidward's ear] Ok, it's time. Sneak to him and knock him out with this frying pan.
* Squidward: O-okay...
* SpongeBob: Say, Squidward, you don't look good today. Is there something i can help you with?
* Squidward: No, SpongeBob, it's fine...
* SpongeBob: No-no, i see there's something wrong. Tell me, i'm your friend, i won't hurt you!
* Squidward: Well... [takes off the headphone and whispers to SpongeBob] Someone is going to hurt YOU.
* SpongeBob: [gasps] Really? Who is it?
* Squidward: It's your maniac brother.
* SpongeBob: No!!! Not him!!!
* Squidward: You know he's going to kill you?
* SpongeBob: Yeah... I suspected that long ago.
* Squidward: Well what are you waiting for! Run away from him!
* SpongeBob: Right after i finish cooking.
* [Squidward groans.]
* Narrator: The next next day...
* [SpongeBob goes to the boating school where Mrs. Puff sits in a boat with a scared face]
* SpongeBob: Hi, Mrs. Puff! What's the problem?
* Mrs. Puff: Don't say anything, just get in the boat!
* SpongeBob: Let me guess, Edward?
* Mrs. Puff: Yes! This maniac hired us to kill you!
* SpongeBob: What are we gonna do now?!
* Mrs. Puff: I'll get you away from this town, where no killers are on the road.
* [Mrs. Puff starts the boat and drives away]
* SpongeBob: Um, Mrs. Puff?
* Mrs. Puff: Yes, Bob?
* SpongeBob: I don't remember seeing yellow and creepy smiling stop signs on the road.
* Mrs. Puff: It's him! Turning back!!!
* [Mrs. Puff tries to turn back the boat, but Edward ties it with his hands]
* Edward: You won't get away, fool!
* Mrs. Puff: We'll see about that...
* [Mrs. Puff rips Edward's hands off and starts driving]
* SpongeBob: Thanks, Mrs. Puff! You saved me!
* Mrs. Puff: Which i will never do again.
* Edward: Tartar sauce...
* Narrator: The next next next day...
* SpongeBob: I guess it's Plankton's turn to protect me...
* Plankton: Right ahead of ya! [puts a belt on SpongeBob] It's an anti-maniac belt! It protects you from any killers!
* SpongeBob: Looks like a regular belt to me.
* Plankton: It builds a shocking wave around you, so everyone who ever tries to touch you will shock themselves! Behold!
* [touches SpongeBob, but nothing happens]
* SpongeBob: So it is a regular belt.
* Plankton: Yeah, it is. I haven't thought of it.
* SpongeBob: And i thought i'm stupid.
* Plankton: Wait, look out!
* [SpongeBob looks back to see a net flying towards him. SpongeBob ducks his head and the net flies over him.]
* Plankton: That was close.
* [The net turns back like a boomerang and captures Edward instead]
* Edward: [tears up the net] Okay, that's the last straw!
* [Edward knocks out SpongeBob with the rock, ties SpongeBob's arms and legs and takes him on his shoulders]
* Plankton: NO!!! HE CAPTURED HIM!!! What's going to happen next?!
* [Edward turns back and puts Plankton in his pocket, walking home]
* [bubble transition to the library, where SpongeBob is tied to the shelf]
* SpongeBob: What's happening?! Where am i?!
* Edward: You're in the middle of torture sequence of this episode.
* SpongeBob: No... Not that!
* Edward: But before i kill you, i will kill your friends.
* [opens a trapdoor under the floor to reveal Plankton, Mrs. Puff and Squidward drowning]
* SpongeBob: NOOO!!!!
* Squidward: SpongeBob, save us!!!
* Edward: He won't help you. He's useless in this situation.
* SpongeBob: You won't get away with it!
* Edward: Oh, i will. Just look at them. Drowning, helpless. They tried everything to save you, but forgot that they are enemies. They tried murdering you as well, and failed.
* SpongeBob: You forgot one thing as well.
* Edward: To tie my shoes! Oh, thank you.
* SpongeBob: You forgot that I.. AM.. A. SPOOOOONGE!!!!
* [SpongeBob tears off his legs and arms and falls from the shelf]
* SpongeBob: I can tear off my bodyparts...
* [SpongeBob grows his arms and legs]
* SpongeBob: And easily grow them back!
* Edward: Oh, you...
* SpongeBob: And the next thing i'm going to do is to save my friends!
* [SpongeBob jumps to his friends and absorbs the water they was drowning in, spilling it on Edward]
* Edward: Ouch.
* Squidward: SpongeBob... You saved our miserable lives...
* SpongeBob: That's the least i can do to my friends. 
* Plankton: Ok, he saves us, blah-blah-blah. What now?
* [They all suddenly look at Edward with faces from "Just One Bite"]
* Edward: This means something bad, isn't it?
* [the scene cuts to Plankton feeding Edward chum]
* Edward: Well come on, you green pest, try to feed me, i don't feel any...
* [Puts hot pepper flavoured chum in Edward's mouth]
* Edward: MY THROOOOAT!!!
* Fred: And my arms...
Category:Episode transcripts