Hushed Feelings Pt.2 (Story)

Hushed Feelings Pt.2 was a mini sequel piece for the original story. It was written in early 2020 when Blade and Iron became a better-established pairing in order to get a proper point of view into Iron's side of the situation.
It was then adjusted in February 2021 to fit with the rewritten versions of both Solo and Hushed Feelings.
== Summary ==
Shortly after the events of Hushed Feelings, as Ron makes his way back home, his head is full and his heart is heavy. As he gets faced with some feelings he's been repressing for a long time, he begins to question his feelings for Zelly.
Some feelings he has never wanted to admit to himself are returning and they simply demand to be faced, but he doesn't feel like he's ready for it.
==Hushed Feelings Pt.2==
As he walked back into his home, Ron's mind felt fuzzy and lost in thoughts. What he imagined was going to be a fun simple day of silly goofing off and messing around, had instead turned out to be a messy rollercoaster of emotions, heart to hearts, and confessions.
He'd be lying if he said he hadn't planned it, he's been planning this conversation for weeks if not months. But whenever he'd gather the courage to finally ask him about it, he'd always find himself an excuse to back down on it.
"It wasn't a good time..."
"Maybe not today..."
"He won't take it well..."
"How about next week?"
When was it ever a good time to confront a friend about something like this? Ron tried to blame Blade's flighty anxiety about these things as the reason why he couldn't bring himself to ask him about it, but he knew well enough that he was the one who was absolutely terrified of it.
And yet... It was done.
He never thought he'd do it! He never thought Blade would actually own up to it and confess to his feelings. After all this time, after all the dumb mind games, the pushing away and dismissing of serious conversations, he admitted it. Ron looked distant, he expected him to become unresponsive, maybe lash out or just shut down the conversation, he was so anxious and emotional all the time, and his tendency to shut himself away under a passive-aggressive facade just made him particularly difficult to confront. But he didn't. He said it, even if in a contrived way, but he said it.
"It's always been you..."
His words repeated in his mind.
It had just been so long, Ron didn't think he could possibly still feel that way about him, but he did. Blade was still completely head over heels for him and it was impossible to hide, no matter how much he claimed he was "getting over it". Ron had long given up on trying to get him to admit that he felt that way, and of course, Blade always had an excuse ready for every situation. He was determined to keep beating around the bush for as long as he could. Ron knew that two could play at that game, at least until today.
His astonishment at finding out that Ron had always known about it, however, was surprising. Ron genuinely thought that all this time, they were just playing a silent mind game, waiting until the day one of them would dare to bring up the dreaded question. But the shock and surprised reaction from him was unexpected.
He didn't know.
Somehow, Blade was blissfully unaware of this, fully convinced that his crush was the most well-kept secret in the whole forest. Somehow, in his fits, his isolation, their weird mutual platonic flirting, all this time, Blade was still completely convinced that he had everyone fooled. They both laughed later on, Ron had seen right through him since the first time he saw him cry. Yes, he was that transparent, literally and figuratively.
But yet, as he was making his way home, Ron felt his chest heavy with guilt. It was out of the way, they had finally talked about it, it was over, and a bit of that unnerving tension had lifted. So what was this feeling? Why did he not feel relieved that his friend could finally move on?
Deep down he knew.
He knew the exact reason why.
But he had never wanted to admit it to himself. He told himself he didn't need to admit anything.
He was happy with his own relationship and that was that. He loved Zelly, they'd always gotten along splendidly, they could chat and hang out for hours and she was as supportive as she could be, but right now, he felt like he was in a dissociative state. The way she made him feel, was like nothing compared to how Blade did and he hated it. Things didn't feel right, the way he made him question his feelings for Zelly, he couldn't stand it. He thought he was ready for the dreaded conversation, but his heart wasn't. Was this what it was actually supposed to feel like? Had he been fooling himself all along?
Buried and repressed feelings from the past were bringing themselves back at full force. No. He loved her, of course, he did! But did he love LOVE her? Or was he just with her because he felt like he had to? Because they both thought it was exciting? Or could it be because he had been projecting some feelings on her? Feelings that weren't meant for her and he needed an escape? Feelings that he had refused to face for a long time, many years ago?
He sat down. The weight had turned to dizziness and he felt like he was spiraling, he couldn't stop thinking about Blade that way. He shouldn't, Zelly and him were siblings and Ron was well aware of how this entire issue had damaged their relationship. But his mind just went to him anyway.
That idiot... That dumbass stupid idiot... How could someone as quick and as clever as him, be this painfully dense and unaware? He supposed Blade was just too busy being lost in his own world to take notice of anything. But Ron couldn't blame it all on him, he too had been afraid of facing his own feelings for a while and this situation only frustrated him further. Listening to him, comforting him, talking to him about this, it brought it all back. An old repressed past crush.
Fuck. Ron covered his face.
He liked him.
He really really liked him.
At some point in time, their crushes had been mutual and none of them had even realized it.
Maybe he really was the one who was painfully dense and unaware. Had he missed his hints before? Had Blade missed his? Were they both that scared of what the other would think? The more he thought about it, he realized that only when had he decided to move on and be happy with someone else, did his friend decide to cry out his feelings to him.
It was frustrating, it made him angry, he knew he couldn't blame it all on him, but he felt frustrated nonetheless. Did he want that relationship? Would Blade want it? He was happy with what he had, and Blade was adamant about not wanting to interfere with him and Zelly. So why did he keep thinking about it? Why were the "what ifs" and the "what could have beens" so prevalent in his mind now?
He took a deep breath.
He didn't want to know. He didn't want to admit it. No one could know about this.
Ron would have confessed to his past crush on him, but if Blade was still in love with him, knowing something like that would just completely break his heart... And what would even be the point of that? Ron was over him, at least, he thought he was. Until today.
He wasn't betraying Zelly, they didn't do anything bad...! If anything, him and Blade had always been a little bit too intimate for two guys who were just friends, but neither of them minded it, and Zelly knew it too. And yet, Ron couldn't help feeling like he was doing something wrong, like he was wronging her.
He didn't want to admit it to himself, but he knew exactly the fluttering feeling he got when he'd hold Blade close to him. But he shouldn't entertain those thoughts. If this escalated, he feared it would further damage the siblings' relationship and he didn't want that either, he didn't want to hurt Zelly like this. If anything, this would make him lose the two of them, and they were like family to him.
Ron got up again, sighing sadly. He guessed he just had to get over it.
After all, there was no use in dwelling in old repressed feelings. Blade would be moving on, so he should too.
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