Pageant Problems

== Characters ==
Nat Peterson, Shubie, Susie, Baby Billy, Sadie Rechid, Nancy Suzy Fish, Martha Smith, Patty Rechid, Tina-Fran, Sally, Fred Rechid, Pilar, Mabel, Lenny, Evelyn, Clayton, Harold, Tom, Judges
== Transcript ==
(Scene cuts to Nancy, Martha and Sadie sitting at a table in a restaurant) Sadie looks at her watch.
Sadie: "Where's Shubie? She said she'd be here by now." Shubie runs into the restaurant.
Shubie: "Sorry I'm late! I just found out that this year's Bikini Bottom Beauty Pageant is coming up next week and I'm going to need help from my amazing makeup artists again if I want to win it for the fourth year in a row!"
Martha: "We'd love to be your makeup artists again Shubie!"
Sadie: "Yeah Nat will be so impressed when I make his hideous wife look like a model that he'll definitely dump her for me!" The women look at her strangely.
Sadie: "I mean... Nat will be so impressed when you win again!"
Nancy: "Hey wait a minute, you can't do the pageant this year, Shubie. You can't be Miss Bikini Bottom if you're married."
Shubie: "No I can, it's Ms. Bikini Bottom not Miss Bikini Bottom. Any woman can enter in it whether they're married or single."
Sadie: "Wait, so this whole time any of us could've entered in the pageant?!"
Martha: "Yeah I think we should have Shubie become one of the makeup artists this year so someone else can enter in the pageant."
Sadie: "Obviously I should since I'm the prettiest woman here."
Nancy: "What? Everyone knows that I'm the prettiest woman in Bikini Bottom!"
Martha: "Oh please! We all know that I'm the best choice to enter in the talent show! Any outfit looks good on me!"
Nancy: "No outfit looks good on you, you six hundred pound whale! I'm clearly the best looking out of all of us!"
Sadie: "Oh really? Then why did Fred divorce you so he could marry me?"
Shubie: "Ladies, relax! I'm sure we can settle this another way. Why don't I just enter the pageant again? After all I have won it for the past three years and was voted the prettiest in the class in high school."
Sadie: "Shut it, Shubie! A lot has changed since high school! Remember when people actually thought that Martha was attractive? Oh wait, they never did!"
Martha: "That's it! I'm entering this pageant by myself so that I can prove to you that I'm the prettiest out of all of us!"
Nancy: "Fine! I'm entering by myself too!"
Sadie: "So am I! Don't get surprised when I win that pageant next week!" Sadie, Nancy and Martha angrily walk out of the restaurant.
(Scene cuts to Shubie, Nat, Susie and Baby Billy eating in their house)
Nat: "I'm stuffed. That dinner was delicious Shubie!"
Shubie: "Thanks." Nat gets up from his seat and walks across the kitchen.
Nat: "Does anyone want some brownies?" Nat grabs a plate of brownies.
Susie: "I do!" Nat hands her a brownie.
Nat: "Do you want a brownie Shubie?"
Shubie: "No thanks. I have to watch my weight this week because the beauty pageant's coming up."
Nat: "Oh, well good luck. I'm sure you'll win it again!"
Shubie: "Thanks." Shubie gets up and looks out the window. Shubie sees Sadie sun tanning in her front yard, Nancy running around the block and Tom trying to put a girdle on Martha.
Martha: "Come on, Tom! Pull! I need to fit in that dress next week!"
Tom: "I'm pulling!" Shubie walks out of the kitchen.
Shubie: "This year's pageant is going to be harder than I thought."
(Scene cuts to Shubie running outside the next day while pushing Baby Billy in a stroller) Fred and Sadie drive their boat down the street towards her.
Sadie: "Is that Shubie? I have to stop her! That pageant and Nat will be mine!"
Fred: "What?"
Sadie: "I mean..." Sadie notices the sun coming out from behind some clouds.
Sadie: "Does this mirror look broken to you?" Sadie turns the mirror on her side of the car towards Fred. The light from the sun reflects off the mirror and into Fred's eyes.
Fred: "AAAH!" Fred's car swerves out of control and towards Shubie.
Shubie: "AAAH!" Shubie jumps away from Fred and Sadie's boat and lands on the ground. Shubie looks up and sees Billy's baby carriage flying down the street.
Shubie: "MY BABY!" Shubie sprints after the baby carriage. The baby carriage rolls towards Lenny and Mabel's boat.
Mabel: "Lenny, watch out!" Lenny swerves the boat away from the baby carriage and straight for Shubie.
Shubie: "AAAH!"
Mabel: "Look out!" Lenny swerves the boat away from Shubie. Lenny loses control of the boat and it crashes into Sadie and Fred's boat. Shubie turns around and sees Scooter driving right towards her. Shubie jumps over Scooters boat and sprints towards the baby carriage.
Scooter: "Woah, that was awesome bro!" Scooter crashes into Sadie and Fred's boat and Mabel and Lenny's boat. Shubie turns around and sees Harold driving towards her.
Shubie: "Oh no! I'm not going to be able to jump over this one." Shubie slides under Harold's boat and continues to sprint after the baby carriage.
Harold: "What the..." Harold crashes into the boat wreck.
Shubie: "I'll never catch up to Billy at this rate! He's too far away." Shubie sees Pilar getting into his boat.
Shubie: "Perfect!" Shubie runs over to Pilar's car and jumps in it.
Pilar: "Oh hey, Shubie, what are you doing here?" Shubie pushes him into the passenger's seat.
Shubie: "No time for talking, I have a baby to catch!" Shubie puts her foot on the gas and drives towards the baby carriage. Shubie drives on the other side of the road so she can get next to the baby carriage.
Shubie: "Alright Pilar when I say go, you need to reach over the side of the car and grab that baby carriage. Three... two... one... go!" Pilar grabs the baby carriage.
Shubie: "Yes! We did it!"
Pilar: "Uh, Shubie..."
Shubie: "What?"
Pilar: "There's a boat headed straight towards us!" Shubie sees Clayton driving towards them.
Shubie: "AAAH!" Shubie slams on the brakes and gets back in the right lane.
Clayton: "Phew! That was close!" Clayton crashes into the boat wreck. Shubie grabs Baby Billy and gets out of Pilar's car.
Shubie: "Thanks for the ride, Pilar! Now it's time to get into shape for the pageant!" Shubie runs while pushing the baby carriage past the boat wreck.
Fred: "MY LEG!"
(Scene cuts to Shubie watering the plants outside of her house) Sadie walks her snail past Shubie's house.
Sadie: "Darn it! Shubie must've lost a few pounds when she chased after her baby because she doesn't look as hideous as she normally does. I'm still definitely going to win the pageant tomorrow, but if I want Nat to be mine, I'm might as well take out my toughest competition." Shubie stops watering her plants and walks back into her house.
Sadie: "She'll never be able to win the pageant if she gets hurt walking out of her house next morning!" Sadie grabs a hose and sprays water right in front of the door.
Sadie: "When Shubie walks out the door next morning, she'll slip on the water and fall right onto her back! She'll never be able to go to the pageant then!" Sadie laughs maniacally.
Sadie: "Now it's time to take out the other two." Sadie grabs a ladder, runs over to Martha's house and puts it next to Martha's bedroom window. Sadie climbs up the ladder and smashes the alarm clock next to her bed.
Sadie: "She'll never be able to wake up tomorrow without her alarm clock!" Sadie slides down the latter and runs over to Nancy's house. Sadie takes out a nail and pops one of the tires on Nancy's boat.
Sadie: "She can't get to the pageant if she has a flat tire! That pageant and Nat will be mine!" Sadie laughs maniacally and runs away. Nancy opens the door and walks into her garage.
Nancy: "Great Neptune! Who popped my tire?" Nancy looks around the street.
Nancy: "This has Martha's name written all over it!" Nancy runs over to Martha's house and sees the ladder next to Martha's bedroom window.
Nancy: "So Martha didnt think I would know it was her if she used this ladder to sneak back into her house instead of using the front door and looking suspicious?Well two can play at this game!" Nancy climbs up the ladder and jumps into Martha's room. Nancy walks around and sees a thermostat.
Nancy: "I wonder how Martha will like it when she freezes tomorrow after I turn down the temperature!" Nancy turns down the temperature, climbs down the ladder and runs away.
(Scene cuts to Martha walking into her room)
Martha: "Why is it so cold in here? And who smashed my alarm clock?" Martha walks around and sees the ladder next to the window.
Martha: "Only Shubie has a ladder this big!" Martha tries to climb down the ladder but it breaks. Martha gets up and runs over to Shubie's house. Martha runs over to the front door but slips on the water.
Martha: "What kind of moron accidentally sprays water right in front of her own front door? That gives me an idea!" Martha grabs Shubie's hose and sprays water onto her driveway.
Martha: "She'll never be able to get her car out of the driveway with all this water!" Martha runs away, and Shubie opens the garage door. Shubie slips on the water and slides down her driveway.
Shubie: "Only Sadie would be dumb enough to do this." Shubie runs over to Sadie's house and puts glue on the seat of her car. Shubie runs away and Sadie walks out of her house and over to her car.
Sadie: "Why do I always have to get the groceries? It's not like Fred makes all our money anyway. I contribute about ten to twenty percent of it." Sadie sits down on the glue.
Sadie: "Hey, what the barnacles!" Sadie gets up and part of her shirt rips.
Sadie: "Only the wife of a taxi driver would do this." Sadie runs towards Nancy's house.
(Scene cuts to a montage of the women doing terrible pranks to each other)
(Scene cuts to the beauty pageant the next day) The women all glare at each other.
Sadie: "I can't wait until I win!"
Nancy: "In your dreams! First place is going to Nancy Fishbowl!"
Martha: "No it's going to Martha Smith!"
Shubie: "Don't get your hopes up ladies! I've won this three years in a row, if anyone is winning this it will be me!"
Beauty Pageant Judge: "Alright ladies this is the Bikini Bottom Beauty Pageant! This is only the first round, today we will be picking who will be appearing in the finals tomorrow. Good luck! First in line please!" Mabel walks onto the stage.
Judge: "You look decent, but you are way too skinny to be in the finals. Next!" Mabel walks away and Evelyn walks into the stage.
Judge: "Although you're not ugly, there's nothing that stands out about you so you're not likely going to be in the finals. Next!" Evelyn walks away and Tina-Fran walks onto the stage.
Judge: "You are somewhat pretty and I really like that dress you're wearing so I'd say you have a good chance at making it to the finals." Tina-Fran walks away and Sally walks onto the stage.
Judge: "I absolutely love that dress so I'd say you have a strong chance at making it to the finals tomorrow."
Sally: "Really? Thanks so much!" Sally walks away and Patty Rechid walks onto the stage.
Judge: "That dress looks great on you and those heels are a great touch. You have a good chance at good gn to the finals tomorrow. Next!"
Patty: "Thanks." Patty walks away and Sadie walks onto the stage.
Judge: "You look decent and that dress looks nice but..."
Sadie: "But what?"
Judge: "You have really bad legs. I mean come on, you're legs look like two popsicle sticks. That might stop you from getting into the finals." Sadie angrily walks off the stage.
Sadie: "Who cares about someone's legs? That judge doesn't understand what true beauty looks like! Maybe he's just jealous that his wife probably isn't as good looking as me!" Martha walks onto the stage.
Judge: "I really like that dress and you have a great sense of fashion it's just you're a little large in size so I don't know if you'll make it to the finals." Martha walks away and Nancy walks onto the stage.
Judge: "You look pretty and I love that dress so I would say that you have a strong chance at making it to the finals except..."
Nancy: "Except what?"
Judge: "Well let's be honest, that gray hair makes you look about twenty years older."
Nancy: "Excuse me?"
Judge: "You're excused. Next!" Nancy angrily walks off the stage and Shubie walks on.
Judge: "I absolutely love that dress and you look gorgeous as always. You look just as great as you have for the past three years. You're definitely making the finals again."
Shubie: "Thank you so much!" Shubie walks off the stage.
Sadie: "What?! How did he say that that horrendous thing looked pretty?"
Nancy: "I know right! I can't believe he said that my hair makes me look twenty years older!"
Martha: "Yeah and I can't believe he said I was fat!"
Nancy: "Everyone thinks you're fat, Martha."
(Scene cuts to the end of the pageant)
Judge: "I've made my decision. These are the women that will compete in the finals tomorrow. Tina, Sally, Patty, Shubie, Nancy..."
Nancy: "Thank Neptune!"
Judge: "Martha..."
Martha: "Yes!"
Judge: "And Sadie."
Sadie: "Yes! This pageant is as good as mine!"
Judge: "Congratulations to all those who made it to the final round. I will see you tomorrow." The judge walks away.
(Scene cuts to the beauty pageant the next day)
Judge: "Alright ladies, this is how to final round is going to work. You will all walk down the runway behind one at a time. At the end of the runway me and the other two judges will give you a rating from one to ten. The three scores will then be added up and the woman with the highest score wins. Good luck." The judge walks away.
Announcer: "Ladies and Gentlemen! Get ready for the Bikini Bottom Beauty Pageant! First up is Tina-Fran!" Tina-Fran walks down the runway and all the judges give her an 8.
Announcer: "And Tina gets a score of 24! Next up is Sally!" Sally walks down the runway and all the judges give her an 8 too.
Announcer: "Sally also gets a 24! Next up is Ms. Martha Smith!" 
Martha: "Watch and learn ladies!" Martha walks down the runway and one judge gives her a 9 while the other two give her 8s.
Announcer: "And Ms. Smith takes the lead with a score of 25! Next up is Ms. Sadie Rechid!"
Sadie: "I'll see you ladies at the podium when I win!" Sadie walks down the runway and one judge gives her an 8 while the other two give her a 9. 
Announcer: "Ms. Rechid has just passed Ms. Smith and is in the lead with 26! Next up is Ms. Nancy-Suzy Fish!"
Nancy: "That trophy is gonna be mine!" Nancy walks down the stage and two judges give her a 9 while the other one gives her a 10.
Announcer: "Ms. Fish is in the lead with 28! Next up is Ms. Shubie Peterson!"
Sadie: "Dang it! How did I not win?" Sadie sees Shubie walking down the runway.
Sadie: "Well I can still stop Shubie from winning!" Sadie sees a banana peel in the trash and grabs it. Sadie throws the banana peel onto the runway. Shubie steps on the banana peel and falls down. The crowd gasps.
Announcer: "Ouch! That's going to cause her to lose some points!" The judges all give her a nine.
Announcer: "Ms. Peterson gets a 27 and it looks like this pageant will have a new winner for the first time in four years!"
(Scene cuts to the end of the pageant) The announcer brings out the trophy.
Announcer: "And the winner of this year's Bikini Bottom Beauty Pageant is... Ms. Rechid!"
Sadie: "What?! How did I win? Maybe they finally realized that I was by far the prettiest person here!" Sadie runs towards the trophy but the announcer stops her.
Announcer: "Oh I'm sorry, there are two Ms. Rechids here? Well then the new Ms. Bikini Bottom is Ms. Patty Rechid, scoring a perfect 30!" Patty grabs the trophy.
Shubie: "So I guess no of us won then."
Nancy: "Oh who cares? We probably took this thing a little too serious anyway."
Martha: "Yeah, you might want to clean your towels soon Nancy because I put a bunch of sea spiders in them.
Shubie: "Yeah and you might not want to open your purse for a while Martha because its infested with sea urchins."
Sadie: "You might want to remove the note I left on your bed saying that you were going to divorce Nat, Shubie."
Nancy: "And you might not want to go into your house anytime soon Sadie because I put a jellyfish nest in their."
Shubie: "Aren't we such great friends?" The women laugh.
(Scene ends)
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