Breaking and Softening

Breaking and Softening is the twenty-fifth episode of the spin-off, Absorbent Days, and the fifth episode of season two. In this episode, Mr. Krabs travels to the local laundromat to wash his clothes. After finding out that it costs something to wash and dry the clothes, Mr. Krabs puts up a fuss. The security guards throw Mr. Krabs out and take his wallet and coins. Will Mr. Krabs be able to wash his clothes? Will he be able to get his money back? This episode is paired with Ignore-Amus.
==Characters==
*SpongeBob SquarePants
*Eugene H. Krabs
*Squidward Tentacles (cameo)
*Manager (debut)
*Miscellaneous security guards
**Security guard 1
**Security guard 2
**Security guard 3
**Security guard 4
**Security guard 5
**Security guard 6
*Pearl Krabs
==Transcript==
*[episode begins with a medium shot of Mr. Krabs's house; the camera slowly pans in through an open window in Mr. Krabs's room; Mr. Krabs is throwing clothes into a laundry basket]
*Mr. Krabs: Doo doo de do-ta-de. [throws clothes in basket] You know, this isn't much different than what I do at work.
*[Mr. Krabs begins to have a flashback; he is at work with a shovel, in his office]
*Mr. Krabs: [shovels wad of money into safe] Doo doo de do-ta-de.
*[flashback ends; scene cuts back to present day]
*MK: Oh well. [throws clothes into basket] Doo doo de do-ta-de. [throws clothes; Pearl walks into room; the clothes hit her in the face]
*Pearl: Eew! [takes clothes off face] Daddy! Be careful where you throw your [picks up underwear] undies. [throws underwear] Gross!
*MK: Ah, me daughter, Pearl. [throws clothes] What brings you here?
*Pearl: [steps out of way of clothes] I was here to remind you of the news. And...I was here to get my allowance...
*MK: Allowance? Of course! [begins pushing Pearl out of room] I am allowing you to get out of my room if you are going to bother me for the few clams I have.
*Pearl: Few clams? Dad, I saw your flashback. We have plenty of clams.
*MK: [sighs] Argh. What do you really want, Pearl?
*Pearl: Well, besides allowance, I came in here to see when you're leaving for the laundromat. I'm having company over and I don't want you waving your dirty clothes in my friends's face.
*MK: Laundromat? Why go to the laundromat when you have the best laundry system that money can buy. [camera cuts to the washer in the laundry room; the washer breaks apart and is revealed to be cardboard]
*Pearl: [to self] No wonder the water bill is so low. [aloud] Well, now you have to go to the laundromat, daddy. [begins pushing Mr. Krabs out of room with laundry basket] And please make it soon. Barbra and Melissa are coming over soon and I don't want them to pass up their appetizers all because of your dirty laundry. [slams door]
*MK: [sighs; to self] Doesn't she know that that's my room? [begins walking down stairs] I guess it's to the laundromat again. [sighs] I really have to get a real washer.
*[scene cuts to Mr. Krabs, driving in his boat to the laundromat]
*MK: [reaches for radio] Maybe some tunes can make this trip more exciting. [turns on radio]
*Radio: And now back to the "Sounds of the Laundromat" radio marathon. We are continuing our sounds of listening to a washer and, coming up in one hour, a dryer. [a washer sound is heard] And it looks like we actually have one listener!
*MK: No! [turns off radio]
*Radio: I guess not.
*MK: [pulls out cord from radio] Dumb radio stations nowadays. [parks in front of laundromat] Time to clean some clothes.
*Male Fish: [walks up to Mr. Krabs] Hey, I recognize that voice. [angrily; points to MK] You're that guy that call my radio station dumb!
*MK: [grabs basket of clothes] Yep. That's me.
*Male Fish: Don't you feel bad?
*MK: [opens laundromat door] Not in the least. [closes door] That radio station was terrible. [looks around and sees an open washer] Ah. Perfect. An open washer.
*Female Fish: Oh, no you don't! [runs toward washer]
*MK: Oh, yes I do! [runs toward washer as well] Get away from my washer! [throws shirts at female fish]
*Female Fish: Never! [ducks shirts and leaps toward washer] Ha! No crab can defeat me! [opens washer lid, only to see MK]
*MK: No one steals my washer. [holds up wad of clothes at female fish]
*Female Fish: I think another laundormat is located downtown! [runs out of laundromat] No there's not!
*MK: He he he. Gets them everytime. [climbs out of washer] Now to wash some clothes. [pours clothes into washer] Well, technically now to wash. [presses wash button; walks to waiting chair] Now, I have to wait until...[washer beeps] Already? Gosh, the laundromat sure is some exercise. [begins walking] Hey. Why am I not going anywhere? [looks down to see treadmill] What is this?
*Female Fish 2: It's the senior treatment, sir.
*MK: [hops off of treadmill; walks to washer] Senior? What senior? [takes out clothes from washer] Whoa. No wonder the water bill is so low. The whole ocean would be sucked into here if you didn't have a timer. [grabs shirt and begins twisting it, drenching the water onto the ground] I guess this part is to work on the biceps, huh? [continues twisting]
*Female Fish 2: [sighs] Seniors. [grabs shirt] Oh, would you give me...?! [throws shirt into dryer] Now look at the mess you've made!
*MK: Yeah. Someone's going to have to clean that up. [walks over to dryer] Now, how do you work this thing?
*Female Fish 2: [irritated] Try pressing the "on" button, sir.
*MK: [presses "on" button; dryer turns on] Hey. What do you know? It worked.
*Female Fish 2: [walks into office] If I could have any other job in the world...
*MK: [takes clothes out of dryer] So dry, it's criminal.
*Robber: [offscreen] Give me that! [takes clothes]
*MK: [gasps; to self] A robber! [laughs] Good thing I still have that puddle there. [robber is heard slipping] Ha! [takes out dry clothes] Perfect. [begins walking] Now let's get out of here. [stopped by male fish] Oh. Top of the...uh...afternoon to you.
*Manager: Save it, crab. You think I didn't see what you just did. It's a good thing I don't report the police on fellow laundromat goers.
*MK: What are you talking about? I didn't do anything thieving, so good day to you. [tries walking, yet manager steps in front of him]
*Manager: Not yet! [points to washer] Do you see that washer over there, crab?
*MK: Yes, I do.
*Manager: Look closer!
*MK: [squints eyes] All I see is the dryer door and a couple of clothes inside.
*Manager: A little to the left.
*MK: [looks left] I see something like...a plaque. What is a plaque doing on a washer?
*Manager: Read what it says.
*MK: [begins reading] "The washers in this facility, as of April 2, now cost"...hmm. I see a dollar sign, a zero, a dot, and a two and a five.
*Manager: Exactly! You didn't pay the twenty five cents for operating the washer or the twenty five cents for operating the dryer.
*MK: Cents? You know what doesn't make sense? Having to pay just to waste water. Or to waste heat! [holds up hands] Why don't we just pay to have the so-called "senior service" in here?
*Manager: We do. That's an extra fifty cents.
*MK: More like an extra zero cents! [pushes manager out of way] I'm out of here!
*Manager: Guards!
*MK: What guards? [stopped by two guards] Oh. Those guards. [lifted by guards] Hey! Put me down!
*Manager: Not until we get the dollar you have to pay. [snaps fingers] Guards, you know what to do.
*[guards begin shaking Mr. Krabs while he is upside-down]
*MK: Hey. Come on. We can work this out. [wallet falls out; grabs wallet] Let me just get the dollar.
*Manager: Too late, crab. [takes wallet] We'll take this.
*MK: Not me money! [guards throw MK out of laundromat] Money! No! [begins sobbing on ground; stops crying] I'll be back for my money! Do you hear me?! [walks away] I'll be back!
*[scene cuts to Mr. Krabs's anchor; the scene takes place at dawn, where Mr. Krabs is already awake; the camera cuts into Mr. Krabs's bathroom, where Mr. Krabs is just entering]
*MK: [walks into bathroom] How am I going to get me money back? [looks into mirror] I'm a hollow shell of my former self without that money. [begins putting on casual clothing] At least I still have my clean laundry to look forward to. [smells clothes] Ah. Fresh...[sniffs again] with a hint of stink?! How is that possible? I had my clean clothes yesterday at the [gasps] laundromat! They must've taken the clothes!
*Pearl: [screams offscreen; runs into Mr. Krabs's room] Daddy! Daddy! [runs into bathroom] I have a huge problem!
*MK: What's yours?
*Pearl: My clothes smell like a football player went to the workout room, played for the Fish Games, and then washed the clothes in the Tar Pits! [shrugs shoulders] What happened?
*MK: They just need a little wash, Pearl. Just go use the washer and dryer downstairs.
*Pearl: Dad! [holds up piece of cardboard] I'm holding up the dryer right now. We need an actual washer and dryer. I can't go to school smelling like this! I can't go in today.
*MK: But Pearl...
*Pearl: I bet nothing is going on important, because it can't be as important as getting these clothes to lose that odor! What is Melissa going to say? [runs out of room crying]
*MK: [scoffs] She needs to become more like her father: tough as nails! [walks out of scene]
*[scene cuts to the Krusty Krab]
*SpongeBob: [walks out of kitchen with tray] Okay. We have one Krabby Patty, one large Krabby Fries, and a Krusty Drink.
*Squidward: [looks at SpongeBob] SpongeBob, I haven't even placed an order yet.
*SpongeBob: Really? [looks at tray] Then what do I do with this?
*Squidward: [looks at tray] I'd say...don't care. It's not anyone's order now, so just toss it in the trash.
*[Mr. Krabs enters the scene, looking downwards in sadness; the smell begins traveling to Squidward and SpongeBob]
*Squidward: [sniffs; places hand over nose] Not unless Mr. Krabs was in there first! Yuck! No one's going to want to smell this on free Tuesday. [coughs]
*SpongeBob: [waves at nose; retracts nose into body] Uh, Mr. Krabs. Did you forget to shower again?
*MK: No, SpongeBob. [smells clothes; sighs] Maybe I did. But that's besides the point. [walks toward office] The laundromat turned me down, so I have no clean clothes.
*Squidward: [seen with wrap around nose; nasally] I'll say.
*MK: Hey! Remember who signs your paycheck.
*Squidward: What paycheck?
*MK: [growls; mutters] Disrespectful employees...why I never...
*Squidward: Mr. Krabs is going to stink the joint up, and it's not even opening time!
*SpongeBob: I'm sure Mr. Krabs will find a way to keep his odor from interfering with the customers. [runs to door] But we're getting off topic. Right now, we have customers, Squidward. [opens door, letting in customers]
*Squidward: [sarcastically; to self] Just perfect. [line of customers come up to the register]
*SpongeBob: To the patty station! [runs into kitchen]
*[customers begin holding up money as their turn comes]
*MK: [in office] I smell something. [sniffs] And it's not just me. [stands up] It's money! Let the opening times roll on! [busts out of office; sees money] Money! [begins running toward money; the stink of the clothes begins to head toward the customers faster]
*Customer 1: [sniffs] Eew! What is that horrible smell?!
*Customer 2: I don't know, but I don't like it!
*[all customers begin running out of the scene]
*MK: Wait! Where are you going?! [looks down] I guess all of them have somewhere to be.
*Squidward: Somewhere to be?! [holds out arms] Mr. Krabs! They all left because of the fowl odor coming from your clothes!
*MK: Well, if they can't handle a little stink, then they haven't been on a ship, out on the mighty seas with nothing but nautical miles and the motion of the seas. [closes eyes and stands proudly] I think that they could handle just a little stink.
*Pirate 1: [sniffs] Oh, gosh!
*Pirate 2: Let's get out of here! [pirate one and two exit the Krusty Krab quickly]
*MK: Traders! [sighs] And they were part of the onion-sniffing team back on the crew. [walks into kitchen]
*SpongeBob: [looks at Mr. Krabs] What brings you back here, captain?
*MK: I need you to do me a favor, SpongeBob.
*SpongeBob: What is it, Mr. K?
*MK: As we all know, SpongeBob, you're cheap.
*SpongeBob: I am? Then why are my paychecks so high?
*MK: Oh, you think they're high, do you? Then...[begins thinking; places arm around SpongeBob] how about you build me a new washing machine and I'll dock your pay for you.
*SpongeBob: You have yourself a deal, Mr. Krabs! [begins inching from Mr. Krabs] But...uh...you might want to wash those clothes first.
*MK: I can see why you're so cheap now. [walks out of scene]
*[scene cuts to Mr. Krabs's anchor; the camera cuts to the laundry room]
*MK: [hands over eyes] SpongeBob, you better have made me a real washing machine, or you'll never hear the end of it.
*SpongeBob: Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. You'll love it! You can open your eyes.
*MK: [takes hands off now open eyes] Where is it? [looks at washing machine] Wow! You really did it, boy. You've given me a washing machine! [dances happily; grabs pile of dirty clothes] I never thought I'd say this, but: I can't wait to do laundry! [attempts to open washer lid, yet fails] Hey, what's going?
*SpongeBob: You forgot to pay, sir.
*MK: [turns around creepingly] Forgot to do what, SpongeBob?
*SpongeBob: You forgot to pay, Mr. Krabs. [points to coin slot] See, right here. This washing machine accepts coins or dubloons. Either one.
*MK: [angrily] Let me ask you this, SpongeBob. Why would I want to pay to wash my own clothes in my own house?!
*SpongeBob: [shrugs shoulders] I just thought that since you had so much money, you need somewhere to put it with so little space.
*MK: So little space? What do you mean?
*SpongeBob: Uh...well...it's just that...you know. With Pearl being a whale and all...
*MK: [throws SpongeBob out of window] And stay out! [shuts window; sighs] I have to pay to have my laundry done again? It's like my coins were taken all over again. [stands up firmly] I know what I must do. I need to get my coins back one way or another!
*[scene cuts to the laundromat at night time; the camera cuts to Mr. Krabs inside of the roof of the laundromat]
*MK: [dressed in a black suit] Almost tea time. Or...washing time. [lets down rope] I can't wait to get my clams back! [climbs down rope; looks at clams on dryer machine across the room] Yes! Jackpot! [runs toward money, only to be stopped by a trip-wire alarm; alarm sounds] Ah! Oh no! What do I do?! [begins running toward money] Run for it! Ah! [arms hang from the ceiling, grabbing Mr. Krabs and turning him around] Hey! Put me down! [foot comes up from behind] Uh oh. [foot kicks Mr. Krabs out of the laundromat]
*[scene cuts to the morning; Mr. Krabs is carrying clothes and a metal detector]
*MK: Here we are. [laughs to self] When I put this metal detector into my clothes, the magnet on the inside will attract all of the metal, or should I say coins, it can find. [laughs again to self; walks into laundromat]
*Manager: [looks back at MK] Well, if it isn't the crab, again. What are you doing here? Do I have to kick you out again?
*MK: [shakes head] Nope. I'm here as a normal customer, sir. [places hand inside of clothes and presses on button on metal detector] I'm here to wash a load of clothes, and have decided to actually pay at the end.
*Manager: Well then, wash some clothes. [walks into office]
*MK: Oh, I'll being paying at the end. Just not with my own money. [turns on magnet] Come to me, money! [an abundance of coins and metal begin traveling to Mr. Krabs] How much do we have? We have...one, two...[looks frightened at the pile of coins traveling towards him] Maybe not the best idea.
*[the large pile of coins begins pushing Mr. Krabs out of the laundromat]
*MK: [rises from below the coins] Well, that didn't work.
*Security Guard: You know it didn't! [throws Mr. Krabs away from laundromat]
*[scene cuts back to the laundromat, later in the afternoon; Mr. Krabs is explaining the plan now to Pearl]
*MK: Are you clear of the plan, Pearl?
*Pearl: [looks up from phone] Huh? Nope.
*MK: [sighs] You sneak into the laundromat, use your water abilities to break into the safe, and sneak out with my money.
*Pearl: Dad, it was just a dollar.
*MK: Along with me wallet!
*Pearl: So, two dollars.
*MK: [facepalm] Just get in there! [pushes Pearl inside] I'll pay you after you win.
*Pearl: [sighs] Fine. [begins tiptoeing toward office] Slightly. Ever so slightly. [the laundromat begins shaking] Slightly.
*Male Fish: [offscreen] My arm! I think it's broken! Or sprained! Which ever one is more severe!
*Pearl: And...we're here. [stops tiptoeing; reaches toward the doorknob]
*Manager: [steps in front of Pearl] I don't think so.
*Pearl: What?! How did you know that I was going to your office?
*Manager: Just a lucky guess. [hits ear] And I even had earmuffs on.
*Security Guard: [points outside of laundromat] I'm going to have to ask you to leave the laundromat now, ma'am.
*Pearl: Aren't you guys supposed to escort me out?
*Security Guard: Uh...we're not available right now. [runs out of scene]
*Pearl: [sighs; exits laundromat] I didn't work, dad.
*MK: Really? [sighs] Let's go home, then.
*Pearl: But where's my money?
*MK: I can ask you the same question, Pearl.
*[scene cuts to Mr. Krabs, at the laundromat later in the afternoon; Mr. Krabs is carrying clothes and his own detergent]
*MK: This is my last attempt. I really have nothing else. If this doesn't work, then nothing will. [walks into the laundromat]
*Manager: Oh, come on. What attempt are you, well, attempting to perform now?
*MK: I'll be glad to explain. [holds up detergent] I'm going to use this!
*Manager: Detergent? What is it supposed to do? Make us sneeze? [laughs]
*MK: Oh, it's not just any detergent. It's deter-gent.
*Manager: The difference?
*MK: It deters people's minds, making them forget that I'm not welcome here...and possibly a few other places, but mainly here. [holds up powder] Also, it might make you sneeze a little. [throws powder at manager]
*Manager: Yikes! [ducks; a fan blows the deter-gent back at MK]
*MK: No! [deter-gent hits Mr. Krabs's face; sneezes] Achoo! [looks around] Well, this place seems unfamiliar. [looks at washing machine and dryer machine] Nothing unusual here. [looks at coin slot] Except for that! It's a money trap!
*Manager: Huh? I mean...that's right! And if you don't like it, then I suggest you leave!
*MK: I will! I will! [runs out of laundromat; regains memory] Wait a minute. [looks back at laundromat; the manager has locked the doors for closing time] Oh, just great.
*[scene cuts to the next morning, Mr. Krabs is at the laundromat]
*MK: [crawls into the laundromat] Wait! I am not here as a customer of as a thief. I am here simply as...a crab.
*Manager: What do you mean?
*MK: [begins sobbing] I just want my money back! [continues sobbing] Just please, oh, please give it to me.
*Manager: [laughs] Are you hearing this guys? [laughs]
*[the rest of the employees begin laughing hysterically]
*MK: What? What's so funny, manager?
*Manager: We took your money...on Free Tuesday! [laughs hysterically] Obviously someone didn't look at the news.
*MK: That's right. I didn't. I was too busy doing...laundry! [laughs] Talk about your irony. Does that mean...?
*Manager: [tosses back coins and wallet] Here you go, crab.
*MK: [catches coins and wallet] Yay! My money! [grabs basket of laundry] I can do my laundry now!
*Manager: Not so fast, crab. It's Thursday now. [holds out hand] That'll be fifty cents.
*[end of episode]
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