Crazysponge listens to the albums

crazysponge listens to the albums is the eighth episode of Season Five of CrazySponge Died: The Series. It serves as an apology for all the wrongs crazySponge has committed.
==Plot==
In an alternate universe where technology is far more advanced than it is now, a series of “Admins” are able to hack and take over the entire world. Some nice, others, corrupt. In this dark world, people write fanfiction to distract them from the real world. If they are on the Admins’ good side, they can become weak/powerful “Mods”. One day, a group of people decide they’ve had enough of this. They have a plan to bring their creations to life. The problem is, they’re all an absolute dingus.
==Transcript==
*We start the episode in a spacious room with a massive window facing a blue sky that oversees the bustle of New Kelp City. On a black desk sits bundles of neatly-stacked paper and a laptop manned by the one and only Aidan “Crazy” Sponge. The hoopla fish, dressed in a grey business suit, types swiftly and effortlessly, barely even looking at the screen, with the echo of his typing being the only sound audible in this gargantuan professional space. From the other side of the room, we can hear the faint tapping of footsteps before the automatic door whooshes open and we’re introduced to Aidan’s assistant, dressed in a blue blazer, skirt and name tag reading “Liz”. She looks restless and takes some time to breathe. Sponge attempts to consult Liz in his charismatic, very American voice, full of joy and wit comparable to a low-budget sitcom only lasting 13 episodes.
*Aidan: Well, Liz, are you okay? Breathing hard or hardly breathing?
*Laugh track.
*Liz: Your new employees… they’re… (through deep breaths) sparking.. up… a couple fat joints.
*Aidan: In the privacy of their own home? I see nothing wrong with that/.
* Liz: With the giraffe, sir.
*Aidan: Oh… well, um, bring them to me. I’m sure this is a misunderstanding.
* Cut to a time card reading “Five minutes later”. In the same room, two employees, their eyes pink and strained, throw a pink giraffe (caged in a box labelled “John.”) into the blank space before Aidan’s desk, before entering themselves with Liz by their side. The two employees have unkept air, grease smothering their shirts, both of which are too thin and small to stop their stomachs from seeping out, and name cards that read “Prim'' and “Bot“, on the left and right respectively. Prim has a grey sloth of stubble covering his mouth, whilst Bot has a nosebleed running down to her lips.
*Aidan: Hi, guys. I heard from my friend Liz here that you guys were smoking some good stuff down there in the basement with my boy, John. Now, not to say I don’t believe my trusty assistant…
*He waves at Liz, who waves back, blushing…
*Aidan: ...but I’d like your account of the story and what happened. Sit down.
*Two white chairs suddenly appear in front of Aidan’s desk.
*Aidan: Liz, take John. back to the basement, will you?
*Liz: Will do, Sir.
*Liz and the caged John. suddenly disappear.
*Aidan: So, level with me, guys: what really happened down there?
*Prim: Oh, this mother-- (dolphin chirp) giraffe (dolphin chirp) got its hooves on my weed so you know I had to swipe that (dolphin chirp) off the (dolphin chirp) and put that (dolphin chirp) in its place, know what I mean, G? Gave that (dolphin chirp) a roundhouse kick straight to the neck, ya hear? Bow!
* Aidan, looking disgusted, turns his eyes towards Bot, who explains the situation in a posh, English accent, like an esteemed noblewoman from the Isle of Wight.
*Bot: What my colleague meant to say is that his marijuana, located in the trunk of his car at all times, was interfered with by that irresponsible pet giraffe of yours, so we had to retrieve said marijuana before it was in the giraffe’s possession. We wouldn’t want to ruin the reputation of this well-established business you have here, Mr. Sponge.
*Aidan leans forward.
* Aidan: Alright, listen: I don’t believe a single word that comes out of either of your mouths but I’m gonna let you off because I know that you are new, and you don’t know what boundaries have been set. And, hey, you know we like to keep a lighthearted environment at all times here at Box Productions, so have fun all you want. Just know that while this isn’t a big deal and you won’t be punished, that you make sure you don’t get my giraffe high again. Is that a deal, guys?
*They both grunt and nod affirmatively.
*Aidan: Now go have a shower, guys. For the love of Hoopla, you guys stink!
*Laugh track. Cut to a black-and-white video of a street, as feet - covered by steel-toed boots - creep into the scene in slow-motion, as an eerie flute loop plays. We then cut to Prim, in a bullet-proof vest with his Box Productions name-tag on full display (stamped with BP memorabilia), standing on a limo doing donuts in a field, with signs nearby saying “No Malarkey On This Field”. The limo is driven by Bot, with a cigarette in her mouth. A drill beat kicks in and Prim starts rapping menacingly whilst standing on the moving car.
*Prim: We got a big dilemma, look here, Prim got too much cheddar
*If a rude-boy talkin’ cute, then we gon’ shut his arse down, no Skepta
*Everyone knows I’m a fiend, take Percs with lean, got me feelin’ better
*Get my pay check from BP, silly lil’ Sponge don’t know he pay for the keta’--
*Cut to Bot throwing her cigarette onto the field, causing a spontaneous combustion, which she stands in front of while rapping.
*Bot: --mine, what you mean? SpongeBot six-seven-eight too mean (Beat kicks in)
* Know I’m too fast like Sonic, your girl leave when I step on the scene
*Can’t pay? We’ll take it away, got a Glock ‘case a benefits boy get keen (Beat cuts out)
*Pull up with two and a half men like Sheen, and you know I got cream
*Never met a woman this happy when I point the beam
*Got me looking like Monica married Chandler Bing, and I-- uh (Beat kicks in(
*Me and my gang, we raisin’ havoc, we the nightmare neighbours next door, that’s tragic
*Flick on Channel 5, and you’ll see my guys, stepped up in the wagon
* Workin’ on minimum wage, but I still got a milli’, they ask, “What’s happenin’?” (Beat cuts out)
*Like I’m from the Isle how I’m pushin’ this white and ain’t a gnarly dude ‘round me that’s cappin’
*As the beat returns, we zoom out to reveal that this music video was playing on a small CR-TV, not befitting for the up-to-date, costly and pristine room, in Aidan’s headquarters. Aidan lets the music continue as he talks to Bot and Prim, once again in the two white seats in front of his desk.
*Aidan: Now, I understand there is a need for artistic expression, but guys: Do you really need to wear your Box Productions name tags when you talk about selling cocaine?
*Prim: Nah, it’s for the rap, innit, bruv?
*Aidan: Please translate.
*Bot: What he’s saying is that we play characters in our music that do not actually participate in drug trafficking or gang violence, but paint a grim reality of what it’s like in the streets.
*Aidan: Of the Isle of Wight and Canada?
* Bot: It’s quite underground.
*Aidan: Okay, you’ve got to understand that it is bad for our company to have the name and logo attached to something so violent and criminal. Therefore, I’d like to ask you to not upload this type of stuff to the Internet again, if that’s possible, but I know that you two are valued employees, who I will not waste another second talking down to when they should be getting on with their essential jobs in the Box Productions sweatshops. Thank you guys.
*He presses a button on his desk, opening a trap door under Bot and Prim, causing them to fall into a black void. Aidan rests back on his chair, moving it backward, allowing for him to stand up behind his desk and turn to watch the urban bustle of New York City in front of him through the ridiculously large glass window.
*Aidan: Ah, the beautiful city of New York. Always busy, always business. Gotta love the world’s capital and the joy it brings to millionaires like me.
* Aidan whips the belt off of his pants and deeply exhales, as we get a close-up on his grin… before it turns to an open-jawed gasp.
*Aidan: Wait, what the---
*Aidan’s interrupted by a large smashing sound as a familiar pink giraffe crashes through the window, leaving shards of glass sprinkled through the room. Aidan moves out of the way just in time, pulling his pants back up before running to comfort the giraffe.
*Aidan: Oh, John. Are you okay? Talk to me!
*John. coughs up a ball of phlegm into Aidan’s eye, which he wipes off - but it leaves his right eye with a red tinge. He rubs John.’s neck.
*Aidan: Awww… who did this to you?
*As he comforts John., we zoom out to the full picture of the room, meaning that we see a limo heading for what remains of the window, with both Prim and Bot in it, as they yelp out of the windows.
*Aidan: I’ll get you to safety.
*Aidan, oblivious to what’s about to come into the headquarters, stands up and presses the button on his desk. No trap door appears, so he presses it several times in rapid succession.
*Aidan: Why won’t this stupid thing work?
* The trap door opens and closes many times in the span of a few seconds, before finally settling on opening, pushing John. through to the black void. As this happens, Aidan clocks the car that enters his room and panics as it crashes into his desk with a screech. Aidan sits behind the desk but jumps as the laptop, stacks of paper and a mug of steaming coffee are shaken by the impact and leap into the air, spreading - in parts - across the room.
*Aidan: No, not my laptop! I didn’t back up my Fortnite por-- images. Just… images. Hey, what’s that smell?
*The car circles the room (with marijuana smoke surrounding it), knocking the desk out of the thin walls into the city (off-screen). As sirens start to sound and the squeals of panicked New Yorkers plug Aidan’s ears with chaos and madness, he sweats profusely and starts shaking his head, before jumping back to a side of the room and opening a safe with sheer force. Alongside stacks of dollar bills is a gun, already loaded, which he cocks and starts firing at the car, making bullet holes in the window and hitting Prim in the neck, rendering him unconscious. Bot, driving the car, is shocked by this and inadvertently steers out of the hole left where the window once was, before jumping out and leaving the car to explode onto the streets of New York with a thud. Bot, clinging onto the floor of Aidan’s headquarters and holding Prim in her other arm, pleads for Aidan to save them.
*Bot: Sir, please! Help us up! We promise we will never do anything like this again! We will be perfect employees for you, Mr. Sponge! We love you, boss! You’re the best! Now help us!
* Aidan moves slowly towards the hole and crouches down to level with Bot.
*Bot: Wow… are you really gonna help us up?
*Aidan moves towards her hand as if he was going to help them get up off the ledge, but instead twists her middle finger with a click, loosening her grip even more, before kicking her in the teeth, causing a slow-motion impact as she spits blood and falls to her presumed death alongside Prim, screaming all the way.
*Bot: Nooooo....
*Aidan steps forward, gun in hand, and starts laughing maniacally, before Liz intrudes on him as she steps in through the door with a swoosh and a yell.
*Liz: Sir!
* Aidan turns back swiftly with a groan and fires another few bullets.
*Aidan: YOU’LL NEVER FIND AND CRUCIFY ME!
*He leaps off of the edge of his former headquarters and takes the suicidal drop into the city. Liz steadily walks towards the edge in curiosity. Despite her expectations, she doesn’t hear a thud or crack, rather a boing as Aidan bounces back above the city, meeting with Liz at eye-level. He speaks a couple syllables at each bounce.
*Aidan: I bet you… didn’t… account… for the… trampoline!
*With his last bounce, he spins around, stripping him on his business attire but reddening his other eye, slanting his mouth and allowing black batlike wings to protrude from his back, so he hovers above Liz and the rest of New York City with a constant flap of the wings.
*Aidan: Finally, my final form is finally realised! ...Finally. All it took was the provocation of those two blithering idiots and the literal crumbling of my life’s work and empire, to make me into who I am and always have been: CRAZYSPONGE!
*He lets out one final maniacal cackle as he flies away into the distant sky as it turns red. Looking down on the chaos of the city and then one last time at what remains of CrazySponge’s twinkle in the sky, Liz shrugs.
*Liz: Eh. It’s been done.
*End.
Category:CrazySponge Died: The Series
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