(S1) Chapter 2: Father and Son Time

== Author’s Note ==
This is the first ever chapter TheClicheCritic has written for Betatale. At that, it’s very old and experimental, along with having odd formatting and general writing. This is also when the story began to assume a more original route. Initially we’d just rewrite it, but eh, I think it’s an important thing to keep around. After all, it allows us to see how far we’ve come.
== The Story Itself ==
Errrrr404 and PAPAYA jumped into the dababy car. Errrrr404 didn’t buckle up cuz he’s sooooo cuul!!1!
“Thanks for picking us up, but who are you?” Asked Willy Wonka. A skeletal a blue robe in black turned around. Something seemed reeeeal familiar about him.
”Name’s River, you?” asked River. Errrrrrr404 gasped.
“…Dad?”
“Adam?” Wait, that isn’t Adam. This identity mix up pissed william the fuck off, making him slam his fist on the seat.
”Oh FUCK YOU, I’m Will.”
”Oh, sorry. Willy Wonka? Is that you? Holy shit….I haven’t seen you guys since-“
”Since I was a month year old. Why did you go for the milk?!” Asked Errrrrr404.
River just simply said, “Your mom’s a crazy bitch who probably woulda turned me into a sex slave.”
”…..Yes I guess your right, BUT I’m angry at you anyways!!1!” Said Errrr404.
River shook his head. “Fine then. Wasn’t expecting forgiveness….well anyways, pissed or not I had to take you away from that horde of knuckles. By some crazy chance, you ended up on the exact planet I was on, and I just had this irresistible urge to save ya.”
Errrrr404 was pissed and still had yet to say thanks for rescuing him. Don’t expect him to, he’s an asshole. “So where are you taking me then, huh?” Asked Errrrrr404. River shrugged.
”Multiversal 7-11 I guess.” River began driving to the multiversal 7-11. Errrrrr404 didn’t even ask what that was. They were halfway there whennnnn….SURPRISE!!! IT’S HAM ON HIS FUCKIN SPACE HARVEY!!!!
”Oi! Ah fahnally fond ye! Yew oughta get ready cuz ahma boutta kick ur arse!” HAM took out his axe and swung it around on its chain, trying to hit dababy car with it. River steered out the way due to plot convenience guiding his driving.
“Open up the hatch. I’m gonna shoot at em!” Errrrr404 told River. River opened the sun roof and Errrr404 jumped on top of the car. He then began spamming bones at HAM. HAM easily cut them up.
”Ah, so u jus’ spam, eh?” HAM sent a puff to dababy car. The car exploded. River and Errrrr404 were just floating in space.
“Oi waz tha’? Ur fatha? Haw haw haw, well his arse is mine!!!” HAM began darting towards River. Suddenly, Errrrr404 began to care for his father cause the uhhhhhh, DOESN’T MATTER! He strung up HAM’s foot and swung him into an asteroid. Then he spammed massive blasters at the asteroids. The asteroid exploded. HAM floated there, seeming to be unphased.
”Oi, good one Bruv! Bu’ oi ain’ felt nuthin!” HAM darted towards Errrrr404 and began rapidly slicing. Errrrr404 was hit a couple of times while he managed to get a couple of bone jabs in on HAM. Errrrr404 used telekinesis on HAM and sent him into a moon. He blasted the moon with a gaster blaster and watched as the moon exploded. A purple flash was seen as thousands of purple lasers began shooting back at him and River.
“GOD DAMMIT HE WON’T FUCKING DIE!!!1! THIS IS MAKING ME ANGAERY!!!1!1!1!!” Errrr404 was pissed and impatient. He countered the lasers and began throwing explosive orbs towards HAM. HAM dodged all except for one but still seemed unphased. HAM began shooting beams from his cigar, all hitting Errrrr404. Errrrr404 was launched into an empty planet since we can’t have people getting hurt now can we? Out of anger, Errrrr404 strung up the planet and launched it at HAM, only for it to be sliced in two. After that HAM and Errrrr404 just continuously tried getting each other with blasters and bones, sometimes succeeding.
Finally, HAM had enough and hit Errrrr404 with his spine whip from r/cursedimages. Errrrr404 was just getting absolutely demolished by that whip. Finally Errrrr404 got ANGUREE and hit HAM with one of his Supar epicc 404 blasturz. HAM just chuckled.
“Thas all ye gawt? Pathe’ic!” Suddenly Errrr404 took off his edgy hood. Oh shit, he was going super saiyan.
”AUTHORRRRRR!!!! GIVE ME A SECOND FORM!!!!!”
”Ol sure lmao.” Said me, the author. Suddenly Errrrrr404 had veins (even though he’s a skeleton) and a weird scarf thing with eyes. Errrr404 didn’t even bother giving a speech and proceeded to just laser the shit out of HAM. HAM hit Errrrr404 with his axe. Errrrr404 just flinched cause now he’s even more OP.
”KAMAEEEEEEEE!” Errrr404 was preparing some cliche blast of energy. HAM was spamming Errrrr404 with lasers from his cigar.
“HAMAEEEEEEEE.” HAM was desperate now. He began kicking planets at ERRRRR404, all to which just shattered when they hit Errrrr404 cuz hee opeeee!!1! HAM chucked his puffs at Errrrr404. They damaged him a little bit but didn’t take away from his focus.
”HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!” Errrrr404 kame hame ha’d HAM. HAM was noticeably damaged. HAM knew he wasn’t op enough to take on this anime protagonist in his form he got for plot armor reasons, so he just took off on his space harvey.
”Cya lata’ ye cunt!” HAM flicked off Errrrr404. For this, Errrr404 launched a moon at HAM who was sent rocketing towards his base Team Rocket style. After that, Errrrr404 made a new dababy car with his Supar coding skilz!!1! Error404 got outta his new form and sat down in dababy car. Where was Papaya? Simple: he was sleeping on a small space island. He woke up.
”What’d I miss Will?” He asked. Errrrr404 shrugged and said “Kicking HAM’s ass.”
Papaya groaned. “Without ME?! AW COME ON!!!” River, Papaya, and Errrr404 entered dababy car.
”Hey…dad, we go to the multiversal 7-11?”
River smiled after being called dad. “Sure thing, sport.” They sang 80s songs horribly all the way there. There, we got a wholesome ending to this chapter.
Except it DIDN’T end there. Will took the wheel since River wanted to see his son drive. Although the driving was honestly quite awful at first, it got a little better after a few moments. This little driving lesson didn’t go without a casualty sadly as Errrr404 hit someone pretty hard. Whenever he checked who he rammed into, it was a black skeleton with blue strings coming down from his eyes. Oh shit, it’s error sans! Will and Papaya both panicked, but River wasn’t scared because he had that immaculate insurance. They took error to the ER and waited out the first examination.
When the news came out that he’d be fine, River got his insurance to pay for it. No court case would come from this because, again, River just had that immaculate insurance Y’know? Errrr404, feeling bad for something for once, left error a grand sum of money, and a genuine apology card. He also left error with the permission to use one of his blasters since he had a pretty good reputation and he felt he couldn’t trust Error with this. After some convincing from Papaya that they had more pressing matters to attend to and that they gave enough reparations, the 3 of them left to go to The Multiversal 7-11.
Perhaps all of this will come back to either help or bite at the crew. Only time will tell.
Category:Canon
Category:Episodes
Category:Story
Category:Season 1
Category:Written by Cliche