No Man's Land

No Man's Land is the seventy-sixth episode of Cult of Squid and the finale of season seven. It released on March 11th, 2024 and was written by Locknloaded23 and Purple133.
==Plot==
Squidward wakes up from his coma only to be thrust back into a war when Azryth reappears on Earth. The war between Heaven and Hell sends shockwaves across the ocean that will force the cult to give everything to end the conflict.
==Transcript==
Previously on Cult of Squid…
LRH: I DO IT BETTER. This sea is mine Squidward, and it’s time for you to go. I’m afraid your time is up.
(Little Dark Age by MGMT begins to play)
…
Squidward: Let’s just get some stuff and go.
Crayons: Go where, Brother?
Squidward: (Breathes out heavily) The only place we can show our faces without being killed on site… The North.
…
Rigel: Do we need to use force, sister?
Anna: No, not unless it’s necessary.
Rigel: So, who’s the vessel?
Anna: Oh yeah, I suppose I forgot to fill you in. Well, I believe it’s a being called a “Noseward.”
…
Noseward: (Coughing heavily; weakly) I don’t have to tell you… anything…
(Rigel angrily glares at Noseward)
Rigel: Is that really the answer you’re gonna give?
(Noseward keeps his angry glare)
Rigel: Suit yourself. I hope you enjoyed your life.
(Rigel unleashes a static charge so powerful the ground shakes)
…
Crayons: I can definitely keep him alive until he wakes up. But until then… it looks like he is comatose.
…
Demon: Azyrth. What are you doing back?
Azryth: (Chuckles) Well, for one, I just really wanted to kill that stupid piece of crap lesser demon who helped lock me up. For two, it’s time for a regime change.
…
Security: Don’t worry, Noseward… I’ll be back by your side… I won’t be gone long.
(Security starts a slow tiptoe over to where the Book rests, examining it for a few seconds, but he soon realizes that it’s missing, heavily examining where it once sat. However, as he does this, he sees a red light flashing next to the case, stares at it for a few seconds, when out of nowhere, the entire Lodge is consumed in a fireball which causes the Lodge to completely explode, as it cuts to show the Lodge exploding from a distance, with heavy black smoke coming out of it.)
…
Blue: For you, Azryth.
(The orb glows bright blue as it disintegrates in the liquid, which then evaporates)
…
(The last angel that landed walks out to Azryth, grabs him by the shoulder, and the group teleports to a dark room)
Raphael: Azryth! I see you’ve caused quite the stir. We’re not going to kill you yet, we just want to t-
Azryth: HAHAHAHAHA. You think YOU can kill ME? 
Raphael: Don’t test me, boy. 
Azryth: I’ve gained powers that you couldn’t even dream of, old man. How’s your dad doing? Been quiet for a while now, hasn’t he? 
…
Raphael: Killing my brothers is an act of war, Azryth.
Azryth: Let’s not put a name to it. 
(Azryth teleports behind one of the angels and before anybody else can react, slits his throat. A blue essence comes out of the angel, which Azryth quickly breathes in, causing his entire body to glow momentarily. Raphael draws a blade and turns to stab Azryth, but he’s gone; the other two angels look at their fallen brother in horror)
Angel 1: Raphael, what are we going to do?
Raphael: We’re going to prepare Heaven for war. 
…
(Azryth holds out his hands and suddenly every single demon around him collapses to the ground, before burning to a pile of ash as their darkened souls rush toward Azryth; his wound heals and he pushes the blade out)
Rigel: What’s preventing you from doing that to us?
Azryth: I am simply not strong enough yet. I’ll get there. You three aren’t going to live to see it. 
…
LRH: What the Hell is going on outdoors?!
(Large holes begin appearing in the walls as the Bikini Bottomites are forcing their way into the palace)
Squidward: It’s the consequences of your [dolphin noises] ACTIONS.
LRH: No no NO! Not here, NOT NOW! NOT AFTER EVERYTHING! 
(LRH drives his sword into Squidward’s abdomen)
LRH: IF I’M GOING DOWN THEN I’M TAKING ALL OF YOU WITH ME TO THE DARKEST PITS OF HELL! 
…
Noseward: But you’re not going to die, we’re going to save you. We have to, we can’t do this without you!!
(We see from Squidward’s POV; the world around him is blurry and faint, the voices speaking to him are drowned out by a loud ringing noise, as Squidward’s eyes close and the screen fades to black)
…
(The episode begins with a black screen as we slowly see from the POV of someone in a hospital bed as their eyes slowly open and adjust to the light of the room; in their direct line of sight are Noseward and Doctor Crayons, who seem incredibly excited by this)
Noseward: (Slightly muffled and garbly) He’s awake! He’s finally awake!
(The camera reveals that we are seeing from the POV of Squidward, who is in a hospital bed looking woozy)
Squidward: (Woozily) Wh… Am I dead?
Crayons: No, but it was an extremely close call. Do you remember anything?
Squidward: I… I sort of remember falling to sleep… But I can’t remember why… I remember beating LRH…
Noseward: LRH stabbed you before he was carried off by angry citizens. You nearly didn’t make it. 
Squidward: God, I don’t remember any of that… 
Crayons: You were comatose for a few months.
Squidward: A few months? What are you talking about? How long ago did we beat LRH?
Noseward: Three months ago. You’ve been in a coma for three months!
Squidward: All my memories of before I fell asleep are fuzzy… so fuzzy…
(Squidward falls back asleep; the camera goes black)
[December 20, 2019]
(The camera fades into a massive throne room with massive brimstone pillars and statues of Satan and his legions all around as decoration. Azryth is sitting on the throne; two demons run into the throne room) 
Azryth: What is it now you two?!
Demon 1: Sir, somebody seems to have summoned… him. 
Azryth: Him? Him who- Oh poop. 
Demon 2: He seemed pretty excited about it too, he hasn’t been out of that prison in quite some time. I don’t know how that mortal’s magic breached the jail, he must’ve done something truly heinous to get HIS attention from there. 
Azryth: Whoever this mortal is, I want him killed at once. 
(Both guards suddenly explode into nothing but dust as Satan enters the throne room)
Satan: Azryth. You’re sitting on my throne!
Azryth: How did you escape? That’s not possible, that’s-
Satan: There’s a mortal who called out to ME in his time of need! And we made a deal for his soul. 
Azryth: Well? Why are you here, then? Shouldn’t you be getting his soul?
Satan: I’m letting him use it for a little while longer. I need a vessel to cross into their world. But it’s sort of hard to do that when a jackass like you is SITTING ON MY THRONE. 
Azryth: You’ve been gone for millenia. I’m in charge here, and-
(Satan appears in front of Azryth and grabs him by the throat, lifting him off the ground)
Satan: You’re gonna what? Hurt me? You’re as expendable as the rest of my WORTHLESS DEMON ARMY. You think a lowly demon such as yourself can really hurt ME? ME?!
Azryth: I can try. And I will.
(Azryth stabs his claws into Satan’s chest; Satan looks at his scar and then back at Azryth with an angry expression)
Satan: (Breathing heavily) Oh, you’ve done it now!
(A ring of fire erupts around Azryth as chains made of fire latch onto his wrists as he screams in pain)
Azryth: YOU CAN’T DO THIS! 
Satan: I can and I will. You undermined my regime, you undid all the EONS of work I did chasing your dream of power.  
Azryth: I’m going to become more powerful than you ever could, Lucifer. You think you’re the only one who knows about the beast in the mountains? You think you’re the only one ballsy enough to take on Heaven? You’re as ignorant as you are stupid.
Satan: You’re going to serve out a sentence of torture as long as I was imprisoned for your crimes, boy. 
Azryth: NO! YOU CAN’T-
(Azryth suddenly becomes engulfed in a wall of purple fire and disappears)
Satan: Such a stupid child. 
[Present Day]
(The camera shows Squidward waking up again, this time SpongeBob and Noseward are in the room)
Noseward: He’s awake again! 
Squidward: It hasn’t been another few months, has it? 
Noseward: No, it’s only been an hour. 
Squidward: What happened? 
SpongeBob: Well, we were able to get you out of Phoenix Palace before the townsfolk caused it to collapse, and then Crayons and Plankton cared for you until the hospital was fully rebuilt. 
Squidward: And they- they let us in? 
SpongeBob: They welcomed you as something of a hero, you were given credit for defeating Lord Royal Highness and ending Project Phoenix. 
Squidward: But what about everything we did before? All the damage we caused? 
Noseward: Well, they’re not exactly willing to look the other way, but the rebuilding of Bikini Bottom has taken precedence. 
Squidward: Rebuilding?
Noseward: Since you’ve been out, the town has been rebuilt and all traces of Phoenix have been destroyed. It’s quite miraculous.
Squidward: And what of us? What happens to us now?
Noseward: They agreed to let us stay outside the city in a new lodge, Doc Crayons has been overseeing its construction. They only ask that we don’t remilitarize. They say they’ll be keeping an eye on us.
Squidward: That sounds more than fair. So, what now? 
Noseward: Well once you’re ready, we can leave the hospital and go to the new lodge. 
Squidward: It’s finished already? 
SpongeBob: It is, and Crayons even had a special room made to commemorate the Feathered Friends! 
Squidward: Wait, there’s still one issue. 
Noseward: What’s that? 
Squidward: Azryth’s still out there, and there’s a war still coming.  
Noseward: Squidward, relax a little. We just won a war. We don’t need to worry about another. 
Squidward: But he’s just been quiet for the entire time I’ve been out? What has he been doing this entire time? 
(The camera cuts to Azryth and a couple of demons at Glove World, the secret entrance to Heaven)
Azryth: This is it. This is what I’ve been waiting thousands of years for.
Nancy: HEY! What are you doing back here! 
Azryth: Oh that’s right, you’re still here. 
(Nancy and Fred run out at Azryth and try to attack him with bow and arrows)
Azryth: Really? I should’ve just put you out of your misery when I last visited. 
(Azryth grabs Fred and Nancy by the faces and there’s a red flash, followed by blue orbs leaving their mouths and entering Azryth’s mouth; he drops them to the ground, dead; Scooter sees this from a distance)
Scooter: (Whispering) Oh my god- I need to warn Squidward!
(Scooter runs out of Glove World through a back exit as Azryth continues his march into the center of the park)
Azryth: Those stupid angels thought three mortals could stop me? They’re dumber than I thought.
(Azryth walks to the park’s center; fade to the Cult wheeling Squidward in on a wheelchair to a brand new Lodge, proudly towering over all of them)
Squidward: It’s… It’s beautiful!
Crayons: Ain’t it? We built it to resemble our old one!
Squidward: I forgot how much I missed having our Lodge. It beats freezing to death in the North.
Noseward: Let us show you the inside!
(The Cult bring Squidward inside the New Lodge, and Squidward sees his old throne room)
Squidward: Oh my God, it’s my throne room!
SpongeBob: Being inside this place after all these years… It gives me the chills!
Squidward: You guys really pulled no stops here. I’m impressed!
Crayons: The town even helped!
(Squidward walks around marveling at the new throne room)
Noseward: So what now, Brother Squidward?	
Squidward: Let’s get rid of the throne. 
Noseward: Wait, what? Why? 
Squidward: There’s no need for it anymore. I’m not above any of you, yes I’m your leader but I’m not “better” than any of you. I want to have this throne removed, and I want this room to be filled with new chairs for everyone. It shall be a grand meeting hall!
SpongeBob: I suppose that isn’t a bad idea. But what shall we do with the throne?
(Squidward takes a long stare at the throne)
Squidward: Melt the gold.
Crayons: Why?
Squidward: Turn it into a gold tombstone. 
Crayons: A gold tombstone?
Squidward: To honor the lives of those we’ve lost; Security, Patrick, Initiator… We need to honor their legacy.
Crayons: That’s incredibly noble, Squidward. 
(Jerry walks into the throne room)
Squidward: Jerry?!
Jerry: Hey Squidward, I came to help set up the new digs. 
Squidward: What happened to you while I was out?
Jerry: Well, I’ve been trying to atone for everything I did to you guys. You know… With the North and helping with the summoning of ancient primordial beasts. I don’t expect you to forgive me, I just hope you can see that I’m trying to change my ways. 
(Everyone looks at Squidward, waiting on a response; Squidward stares at Jerry for a little while)
Squidward: (Extends his arm to shake Jerry’s claw) I forgive you, Jerry. You weren’t right in the head and if you are legitimately trying to change your ways, then I forgive you. But if you betray us, you’re out.
Jerry: I understand. I’m not planning to stay here, I’ve got a place in the newly rebuilt Bikini Bottom. 
Squidward: Will we be seeing more of you in the future?
Jerry: If you need me, call me. Otherwise, I’m sort of over this whole adventuring thing.. I don’t trust myself to not do something bad again. But, I was able to recover this for you. 
(Jerry pulls the Book of the Damned from his bag)
Squidward: Where was it?
Jerry: Buried under the rubble of Phoenix Palace. It took quite a while to dig out, but I was able to do it. I figured it would be helpful with your whole situation.
Squidward: We got to keep this in a safe place, ASAP.
Crayons: I’ll build a shelter for it.
Jerry: I guess I’ll be off, then. Catch you on the flipside.
(Jerry goes to leave; cut to Crayons and Plankton working on the book shelter)
Plankton: How exactly did you build this box before?
Crayons: Well, I fashioned the box out of some scrap metal, and then carefully carved the warding symbols across it. I don’t know what they mean, but any demonic forces can’t touch it without being burnt. 
Plankton: Interesting. Maybe we could carve the symbols into our weapons? Seems more effective than making holy water every time we want to fight demons. 
Crayons: That’s actually a good idea, Plankton! 
Plankton: Well also it means I can kill a whole bunch of demons and I won’t have you people judging me for the “moral ambiguity” of it all. 
Crayons: What?
Plankton: What?
(Cut to SpongeBob and Krabs in a room that has a banner painted with the words “Welcome Feathered Friends” on it hanging from the ceiling) 
SpongeBob: So this is the new base of operations, huh?
Krabs: I never thought we’d end up working with the Cult, much less be given our own headquarters within their walls.
SpongeBob: I wonder what ended up happening to the Krusty Krab?
Krabs: I dunno. I assume Phoenix either destroyed it, or left it to rot.
SpongeBob: Are you sure about that? What if it’s still there? That’s an extra hideout we could use if needed!
Krabs: I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to check. We’ve got nothing to lose.
SpongeBob: Let’s get to that later. We’ve got a lot of work ahead of us.
(Cut to Noseward, Squilliam and Squidward breaking off pieces of the throne) 
Noseward: It’s almost a shame to waste a throne like this.
Squidward: A throne was only a good idea when I ruled over the ocean. Those days are long gone.
Squilliam: Thank Neptune for that. I feared for my life everyday when you were in charge. 
Squidward: This throne has an awfully large amount of gold. Where did you get all this?
Noseward: We were given it by the townsfolk. They had so much of it, they needed to get rid of some of it.
Squidward: I suppose that makes sense. Well, let’s get to melting it. We’ll put the monument up in place of the throne!
(Squilliam and Noseward both carry a large chunk of gold while Squidward continues breaking off parts of the throne; the doorbell rings and echoes through the room)
Noseward: Who could that be?
Squidward: No clue, I’ll have Crayons answer it. CRAYONS!
(Cut to Crayons and Plankton still working on the box)
Crayons: Oh, Squidward’s calling. Plankton, do you think you could work on this while I’m gone?
Plankton: Sure thing.
(Crayons goes to open the door, swinging it open to reveal Markers standing in the entryway grinning; Crayons slams the door shut)
Squidward: Who was it? 
Crayons: (Sigh) Markers.
Squidward: Oh. Yeah, probably best to keep him out then. 
(Markers pounds on the door)
Markers: GUYS, PLEASE LET ME IN! I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING!
Crayons: Markers, what could you possibly tell us that could be of any use to us? We don’t have time for your antics. Last time we saw you, you tried to kill us! And the time before that, you tried to kill us! You’re always trying to kill us! What makes this any different?
Markers: This time, I’m on Heaven’s side. 
Crayons: Wait, what?!
Markers: Yeah that’s right, didn’t expect that, did you?
Squidward: What angelic forces would possibly want to side with you?
Markers: Let me in, and I’ll explain everything.
(Crayons glances at Squidward, who shrugs, before Crayons opens the door and Markers struts in)
Markers: I knew you’d make the right choice.
Squidward: What do you want? And what do you mean you’re on “Heaven’s side” now?
Markers: What can I say, I saw the light. 
Crayons: What does that even mean?
Markers: I was visited by an angel. Called himself Uriah or something, I don’t really remember. He told me to come here and help you all out so I can atone for everything that I did wrong in my life.
Crayons: I don’t know, Markers, you’ve done a lot of things wrong.
Markers: If Squidward can atone for his atrocities, why can’t I?
Squidward: Okay Markers, I guess you make a good point. How do you plan to help?
Markers: Well for one, I’ve developed Project Phoenix’s dark matter cannon into a smaller handgun version.
(Markers suddenly pulls out a smaller handgun version of Project Phoenix’s dark matter cannon)
Crayons: Interesting. 
Markers: This is the most powerful gun in existence. One bullet could tear a man apart, atom by atom.
Squidward: Did Zomp give you that? How do you have something like that?
Markers: Zomp? Oh please, nobody’s seen him in months. And plus, Zomp could only wish to develop a weapon like this.
Crayons: So how did you?
Markers: The difference between me and Zomp is that I am a genius, and Zomp is just a weapons manufacturer.
Crayons: Do you think these things could work against demons?
Markers: Work against- Crayons, did you hear a word I just said? These suckers can kill ANYTHING. I just need to make a couple more. 
Crayons: You’d probably need a lot of Dark Matter for that, and that stuff doesn’t just grow on trees. You’d have to bend the very fabric of reality itself to get some, and that isn’t easy to do.
Markers: I can make pretty powerful copies using the dark matter I already have access to. I’d just need to enter your workshop, if you’re cool with that.
Crayons: Wait. Before you go anywhere near my workshop, I must know; how’d you get dark matter in the first place?
Markers: I took what was leftover after the battle in the north. That primordial beast ejected that stuff when it roared. Plus, Phoenix had a ridiculous amount of it.
Crayons: Would that have caused any mental instability? 
Markers: Not entirely sure what you mean, but I suppose it could’ve altered your mental states if you got too close to the beast, much like lead poisoning. Hell if I know though, I got out of there as fast as I could.
Crayons: I’ll go into the workshop with you, then. 
(Crayons and Markers walk into the workshop together)
Markers: Isn’t this NOSTALGIC?
Crayons: Watch it, Markers, just because we’re on the same side doesn’t mean we’re friends again. 
Markers: Yeesh man, here I thought being told by a LITERAL ANGEL to help you would make me seem better.
Crayons: It doesn’t. Come over here, I’ve got a lot of handguns we can tinker with. Just hand me your Dark Matter.
(Markers notices Plankton welding symbols into a metal box)
Markers: What’s he doing?
Plankton: NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! 
Markers: You two are hostile today!
Crayons: He’s always like that. I don’t know why, it’s as if he’s gone totally insane these last few years.
Plankton: KEEP TALKIN’ ABOUT ME LIKE THAT, AND I’LL BLAST YOU!
(Crayons hands Markers a handgun)
Crayons: Here, just show me how to replicate your design. 
(Markers pulls out his dark matter handgun and aims it at Crayons’ head)
Crayons: Oh for f[dolphin noises]’s sake. 
Markers: I’d say I’m sorry, but we both know I’m not. 
(Crayons pulls out his own gun and points it at Markers)
Crayons: We don’t have time for this s[dolphin chirp], Markers.
Markers: You think that puny pea shooter’s gonna do any damage? All I had to do was come in here, find out where the book was, and-
(Crayons shoots Markers in the knee, causing him to fall to the ground)
Markers: OUCH! HOLY- DID YOU JUST-
Crayons: That was oddly cathartic. 
(Squidward and Noseward run into the lab, having heard the gunshot)
Squidward: What’s going on in here?!
Crayons: Markers doing what he does best.
Markers: You gotta admit, I gave a pretty convincing performance this time. Either way, it doesn’t matter. I know where the book is!
(The room begins to violently shake)
Noseward: That can’t be good. 
Markers: It’s just my new boss. Don’t worry, he’s not gonna kill you. Yet. 
(Red smoke fills the room)
Squidward: Oh, no, I recognize that smoke…
(Azryth suddenly appears in an explosion right next to the box)
Azryth: Heya boys! Mind if I grab this? 
(Azryth flicks his hand and sends Plankton flying out of his chair into a wall)
Azryth: Oh sorry, that looks like it might’ve hurt. 
Squidward: So what now? You take the book and kill us? 
Azryth: You’ve got me all wrong, Squidward! I’m not going to kill you because you’re all insignificant ANTS who don’t stand a chance against me. I’m going to spare you and force you all to watch as I BURN YOUR WORLD TO THE GROUND. 
Squidward: I thought your war was with Heaven, not Earth!
Azryth: God, you really are a special kind of stupid, aren’t you? 
Squidward: What are you-
Azryth: Where did you think the battlefield was? The moon? I can’t get into Heaven no matter how hard I try, and I’ve warded Hell up enough to repel an angel attack. 
Squidward: You’re bringing the war to Earth?
Azryth: B-b-b-b-bingo! I hope you enjoy what you have, because it’s all about to be destroyed. Markers, show these “gentlemen” to my base of operations, why don’t you?
(Azryth tears open the box and grabs the book)
Azryth: I’m sure I’ll be seeing you later. 
(Squidward runs at Azryth to try and grab the book but Azryth forces him to the ground)
Azryth: Too-da-loo!
(Azryth disappears in a cloud of red smoke)
Squidward: (looking at Markers) You know where he’s going, don’t you?
Markers: It doesn’t really matter.
Squidward: Okay, let’s try a new tactic. 
(Squidward grabs the dark matter gun and points it at Markers)
Squidward: You know where he’s going, don’t you?
Markers: You don’t scare me, Squidward. We both know you’ve gone soft, you won’t pull that trigger on me. 
Squidward: You’re right. He might though.
(Squidward hands Crayons the dark matter gun)
Crayons: No, no I won’t.  I hate Markers, but not enough to kill him.
(Crayons puts the gun down)
Markers: Really? I hate YOU enough to kill YOU. Man, you’re all wimps!
Squidward: Plankton, wrap his leg up and then have Krabs take him to the spare closet. 
Markers: Is that code for a dungeon?
Squidward: No, it’s literally just the spare closet. We’re going to lock you in there until we figure out what Azryth is up to. 
(We cut to a little while later, Squidward and Noseward are back in the main room when there’s frantic pounding at the door)
Noseward: This again? 
Squidward: I’ll answer it. 
(Squidward opens the door up and Scooter runs in, covered in ash and scars)
Squidward: Scooter?
Scooter: AZRYTH… HE ATTACKED… AT… GLOVE WORLD…
Squidward: You look horrible, Scooter! What happened?
Scooter: DEMONS… HE SENT DEMONS EVERYWHERE… THERE WERE TOO MANY…
Squidward: Scooter, relax! Take deep breaths!
(Scooter hyperventilates, then gasps loudly before he falls forward on his face; Crayons checks his pulse)
Crayons: Well, he’s got a pulse. But he looks like he’s on the brink of death.
(Scooter gasps heavily again as he starts convulsing)
Crayons: Damnit, we gotta get him medical care or he’ll die! Plankton, help me bring him to the med bay, stat! 
(Scooter is carried off to the med bay by Crayons)
Noseward: So Azryth’s at Glove World. What do we want to do?
Squidward: I say we go there and put and end this this once and for all. 
Noseward: How? 
Squidward: Go in, guns blazing, and if we die, then we die. 
Noseward: With all due respect, Squidward, that is an incredibly suicidal plan. I mean, who knows if Azryth will even be effected by gunfire? I heavily doubt it.
Squidward: It’s a good thing we’ve been making demon specific weapons then. 
(Squidward and Noseward walk into Crayons’ workshop and see SpongeBob, Squilliam, and Krabs all hand carving anti-demon symbols into individual silver bullets, blades, and even a warhammer)
Squidward: Who’s the warhammer for?
Krabs: (grabs the finished hammer) Me. I smited it myself! 
Noseward: How long has all of this been going on?!
Squidward: Did Crayons just like- not fill you in on this side of things? It seems like he’s been working on these weapons back here for months!
Noseward: Crayons told me not to enter his lab after I accidentally set the interdimensional portal to let that weird green menace into our world. 
Squidward: That was years ago, and he hasn’t let you in since?
Noseward: Guess not.
Crayons: Here’s the plan: why don’t you, Noseward and Krabs go to Glove World, while Plankton and I go make sure Scooter stays breathing?
Krabs: Works for me.
Squidward: Let’s make haste, everybody! Who knows how much time we have?
(Cut to a brief montage of everyone making weapons and getting ready; Plankton finishes etching symbols into a new mech suit, and then loads in some bombs etched with the same symbols into a cannon on its arm; SpongeBob puts swords into a scabbard, Krabs grabs his warhammer and lays it across his back, Squidward puts one large sword into a scabbard, Noseward puts twin daggers into small holsters, Squilliam readies a long spear, and Crayons etches the symbols across the dark matter gun)
Squidward: Ready gentlemen?
Noseward: As I’ll ever be. Are you sure a full frontal assault is going to work?
Squidward: I still don’t understand your whole connection to the angels, but I’m sure that once we start fighting, they’ll come down and help. We just gotta say the word.
SpongeBob: Do you think we can win this? 
Squidward: I don’t know yet, but I can hope.
(Cut to Glove World, Azryth is walking around placing candles all over the place and scratching large symbols into steel girders that he’s laid into a pentagram in the center of the park; two demons arrive by Azryth’s side)
Demon 1: Is this really necessary?
Azryth: Yes, it is. I’m not opening a portal to our section of hell, we’ve got enough demonpower here on Earth already. 
Demon 1: So where does this go? 
Azryth: It goes to the Pit. 
Demon 1: What’s the Pit?
Azryth: Way back when, Daddy Satan started twisting human souls and creating demons. Except he gave these demons the power from his angelic grace. 
Demon 2: Their what?
Azryth: It’s their juju, their energy. Don’t interrupt me again, PLEASE. 
(Azryth shoots a flame at the demon, who flies out of the way)
Azryth: This first round of supercharged corrupted souls were extremely powerful, so God locked them away in a special prison called the Pit. 
Demon 2: What do you want with them?
Azryth: They’re dinner!
(Azryth recites an incantation and the pit glows white, then a bunch of demons begin flying out and running into a small barrier formed around them by Azryth)
Azryth: Hello guys! I’m sure none of you speak my language, but I really don’t care!
(Azryth opens a hole in his barrier and begins killing demons inside, red electricity can be seen coursing up his arms as he kills more demons; some of them begin biting at him and clawing, fighting like rabid animals)
Demon 1: What the f[dolphin noises].
Azryth: They’re animalistic! Like dogs!
(The demons start barking)
Demon 2: How are these going to help us? 
Azryth: They’ll help ME. 
(The demons begin breaking through Azryth’s barrier)
Azryth: Crap. 
(Azryth lifts his hand and shoots a wave of fire at the pit, which begins pulling the demons back in; the demons screech and holler as they’re being sucked in, but one is able to break through Azryth’s barrier before it can be sucked in)
Azryth: That’s probably not good. Doesn’t affect me though! 
Demon: Azryth, you should probably go after that one. You know how dangerous it is for those types of demons to be uncontained.
Azryth: I don’t care what happens to this realm.
(Suddenly, Azryth gets shot in the arm by a concentrated dark matter ball, fire erupts from his mouth as he screams in agony, he looks as his wound, which is bleeding lava)
Azryth: (Under breath, in pain) God damnit, I knew they would show up.
(The camera pans to reveal the Cult, standing fully armored and ready with weapons; another shot is fired at Azryth but he quickly dodges it)
Azryth: You guys really just don’t know when to quit, do you? 
Squidward: You’re trying to wage a world ending war here, we can’t let you do that. 
Azryth: You pathetic thorns in my side! Do you know how little of a chance you all have to survive what’s coming? 
(Another shot is fired at Azryth, which slightly grazes his arm)
Crayons: Yeah, we do, but we can bring you down with us.
Azryth: I’ve had it up to here with you morons!
(Azryth shoots a wave of fire at the cultists, knocking them all back but their armor prevents them from being burned; Noseward runs at Azryth with his daggers, stabbing him in the chest; Azryth melts both daggers, then he throws Noseward off of him)
Azryth: I didn’t want it to come to this! You had the choice to quit, but you idiots chose not to. What’s the big deal? You watched this world burn once, I’m simply telling you to watch somebody else do that job. 
Squidward: This isn’t your world to destroy. This is OUR home, and you’re not going to lay waste to it because you’re pissed off at the angels.
(Noseward holds up the Book of the Damned)
Noseward: Plus we have this as a weapon.
Azryth: How did you-
Noseward: Sticky fingers. 
(Azryth groans)
Azryth: Oh no! The Book of the Damned! You’ve got me now! I’m so scared!
(The two demons by Azryth’s side begin to awkwardly laugh)
Azryth: No guys, you can laugh, it’s funny. 
Noseward: (reading from the book) Abierunt dae-
(Azryth appears behind Noseward and grabs the book out of his hands)
Azryth: You can’t stop me with that anymore, Noseward. 
(Azryth holds up the Book of the Damned and lights it on fire; at first the fire doesn’t affect it, but he slowly turns the flames purple and the book begins to burn)
Squidward: NO!
Crayons: That’s not possible- that’s not supposed to be possible-
Squilliam: What the f[dolphin noises].
Azryth: (dropping the ashes to the ground) oh I’m sorry, was this important? 
Squidward: You could’ve done that this whole time?! 
Azryth: That’s right, Squiddy. I’d say I’m sorry for what I’m about to do, but we both know that I’m not. 
(Azryth picks up Noseward and stabs him in the stomach with his claw)
Noseward: Ungh-
Squidward: NOSEWARD! 
(Azryth drops Noseward to the ground and teleports next to Krabs and Plankton)
Krabs: GET HIM!
(Krabs swings his war hammer at Azryth, smashing him in the back before Plankton shoots a grenade with anti-demon symbols etched on it into Azryth’s face. The explosion sends them flying in all directions)
Azryth: You crafty sons of b[dolphin noises]!
(Azryth grabs Krabs’ war hammer and tries to snap it in half, but the warding prevents it from breaking)
Azryth: (shoots purple fire into the ground) APERTA!
(Suddenly, thousands of demons begin climbing out of a portal opened to Hell)
Azryth: KILL. THEM. ALL. Please and thank you!
(The demons swarm the cultists who desperately begin fighting back against them; the ground begins to rumble, and suddenly a bolt of lightning drops from the sky directly onto Azryth; Azryth cups his hands and absorbs the lightning, then dozens of winged creatures begin to drop from the sky carrying all sorts of weapons)
Azryth: ABOUT TIME YOU FEATHERBRAINS SHOWED!
(Raphael appears in front of Azryth)
Raphael: So it’s war you want?
Azryth: You already know that, Raphael. You can’t stop me anymore. 
Raphael: I can certainly try. You demons and your hubris… Never knowing when to give up.
(Raphael puts his hand onto Azryth’s head in an attempt to smite him, but Azryth absorbs the energy and light courses through his body)
Azryth: Thanks for that, pal. 
(Azryth punches Raphael in the face; cut to Squilliam and Squidward running to Noseward’s side)
Squidward: Noseward! Are you- are you okay? 
Noseward: I’m not entirely sure. He stabbed me but it doesn’t feel like he hurt me. It almost feels like he took away part of my-
Squidward: What? What is it?
Noseward: I think he took the angel's grace from me!
Squidward: Wait, what? How could you possibly know that?
Noseward: I didn’t instantly sense the angel’s power nearby after he stabbed me. 
Squilliam: So he severed your connection to Heaven? Why?
Squidward: I think he took the grace and is now using it as power for himself.
Noseward: Well that’s just great. 
(Noseward stands up)
Noseward: Got any weapons?
(A nearby demon gets his sword knocked out of his hand, then gets turned into dust by an angel; Noseward picks up the sword)
Squidward: Oh god, it’s happening all over again. I never thought I’d be back fighting demons to save the world. I just woke up and we’re already back at war. 
Noseward: It’ll be okay, we’ll defeat Azryth and this will all be done. 
Squidward: You say that like it’ll be a piece of cake!
Noseward: Just trying to stay optimistic!
(Cut to Azryth fighting Raphael)
Raphael: Azryth, you must stop this madness!
Azryth: No way, I’m too far along! Why don’t you and your stupid angel buddies just admit defeat for once?
(Azryth grabs Raphael’s left wing and burns an imprint of his hand into it, before Raphael growls and pushes him backward; another angel flies in to help Raphael but Azryth grabs it by the wing and rips it off)
Raphael: Zephriel! 
(Zephriel screams in pain as his voice breaks and echoes across the entire ocean; Azryth then punches a hole into his chest, causing him to explode into a cloud of blinding white light; the other angels just stare in total shock)
Azryth: What, a puny little demon like myself couldn’t have possibly done that, right? I’ve never felt more alive! Killing angels is my calling in life!
Raphael: You’re deranged. 
(Azryth throws another punch at Raphael, who catches it and throws him to the ground)
Raphael: Clever as you are, I’m still an archangel. Leader of Heaven! You’re nothing but a power hungry demon! How does it feel to know that you’re NOTHING next to me? 
Azryth: You’re wrong. I’m EVERYTHING. 
(A column of purple fire erupts around Azryth, disintegrating every single angel and demon closeby; small crackling deep blue orbs fly out of the demons and into Azryth, pure light blue orbs fly out of the angels as Azryth begins laughing; cut to SpongeBob, Krabs, and Plankton fighting off swarms of demons)
SpongeBob: Would you look at that, the Feathered Friends are once again facing off against demons side by side!
Plankton: THESE GUYS DON’T STAND A CHANCE!
(Plankton grabs a demon and puts a grenade into his mouth, then throws him into a cluster of other demons; Krabs swings his hammer into a demon, completely disintegrating it, then throws his hammer into a crowd of others, burning them all alive; Plankton shoots a grenade at Krabs’ hammer, Krabs hits it into a crowd of more demons that are surrounding Crayons)
Crayons: THANK YOU! 
Plankton: Say, Eugene, we make a pretty damn good team!
Krabs: Yeah, I suppose we do!
(Cut to Squidward running up to Azryth with his sword)
Azryth: Please. 
(Azryth throws Squidward aside, Raphael rushes to help him up)
Squidward: Is there anything we can do to stop him? 
Raphael: If you allow me to possess you, we might stand more of a chance.
Squidward: What? Why would that make any difference?
Raphael: He destroyed the book, you currently have no way to fight him on your own. When an angel of any kind enters a mortal’s body, they both become stronger. So if you let me in, we might have a chance at defeating him.
Squidward: You’re worried he could overpower you?
Raphael: He already has. 
Squidward: Then I’ll let you in.
(Raphael turns into a blue wispy cloud and enters Squidward’s body; Squidward’s eyes glow light blue as he starts ascending into the air)
Azryth: GODDAMMIT!!
(Azryth flies toward Squidward and tries to knock him to the ground, but fails; Squidward grabs onto Azryth’s arms and throws him into the ground, then he drops from the sky and punches Azryth with a ball of lightning surrounding his fist, the impact so great it cracks the seafloor)
Azryth: (Pained) You think you’re so smart, don’t you!
(Azryth roars, and shoots fire from his mouth, Squidward’s able to quickly redirect it all around himself by raising his palm towards the incoming flames)
Squidward: How does it feel Azryth, to get so close to your ascension, but to lose right at the end? 
Azryth: My ascension? What is that angel telling you in there, Squidward? I don’t want to take this world over, I want to BURN IT TO THE GROUND. 
Squidward: Why? What could that possibly do for you?
Azryth: Nothing. I just want to do it because I CAN. 
Squidward: So what, you’re going to destroy everything because you’re throwing a temper tantrum?
(Azryth punches Squidward in the face without warning, knocking him to the ground)
Azryth: You have no IDEA what I want. Do you know what it’s like to be imprisoned, Squidward? 
Squidward: I do-
Azryth: To be imprisoned by Satan himself for EONS? And you know what the kicker is? It’s all your fault! You’re the fool that made a deal! I was the KING OF HELL until you called on Satan! And you want to know what he did to me for trying to be better than him? He trapped me in my own personal hell for EONS. It felt like FOREVER by the time I finally got out. And now? Now I just don’t care anymore. Nothing matters if there are beings that can do that type of thing to anyone. Try to stop me, but you can’t. I’m going to burn every single world to the ground and when I’m done, there’ll be nothing left. 
(Azryth punches Squidward in the stomach; Squidward flinches and then tries to punch him back, but Azryth continues to hit him in the face)
Azryth: I’m going to make you SUFFER. 
Squidward: Azryth, I’m sorry Satan did all that to you, but-
Azryth: But? There are no buts! 
(Azryth throws a fireball into Squidward’s face; Squidward is able to catch it and throw it toward the ground, scorching the demons beneath; cut to Noseward, Crayons, Squilliam, Krabs, SpongeBob, and Plankton fighting demons on the ground)
Krabs: They just keep coming!
Noseward: It feels like they won’t ever stop!
Demon: WE’RE NEVER GONNA STOP!
Demon 2: YEAH, YOU TELL HIM LENNY! 
Squilliam: Your name is Lenny?
Lenny: WE CAN’T ALL HAVE COOL NAMES LIKE YOU, ZERAEL. 
Zerael: You’re right. Lenny. 
(Lenny stabs and kills Zerael, then flies away)
Noseward: Well, that’s new. 
(SpongeBob swings his sword into a demon, Squilliam impales it on his spear, then throws it to the side as it disintegrates) 
SpongeBob: We have to close that portal before more come through!
Noseward: How do we do that without the book? 
SpongeBob: I think we need to cover it with something heavy and warded. 
Crayons: Wait no, I’ve got another idea. Plankton, how many more bombs do you have in that thing?
Plankton: Quite a lot. Why? What do you want to- OH. 
Crayons: If we set one off inside the mech suit and throw it into the hole, we can cause a chain reaction that’ll cave the whole thing in on itself. No more demons can get out if there’s not an exit!
Plankton: But this mech suit’s been so good to me… I don’t know how I could fight without it!
Crayons: You could easily build another one! You’re a genius inventor!
Plankton: But… 
Crayons: Plankton, you have to sacrifice your mech or the entire world could end!
(Plankton sighs)
Plankton: Fine, I’ll do it.
Crayons: You made the right choice, Sheldon!
(Plankton hops out of his mech suit before he throws two grenades into it; Crayons shoves it down the hill and it rolls into Azryth’s portal; cut back to Azryth and Squidward fighting)
Azryth: I could really do this all day, but I’ve got a world to destroy. So goodbye for now, Raphael. 
Squidward: Huh? 
(Azryth grabs Squidward and begins to burn his skin with his hands, digging his claws in as Squidward begins to glow blue; Squidward throws Azryth off him and punches him in the face, then grabs his arm and snaps it)
Squidward: IT’S OVER. 
Azryth: No, it’s not. 
(Azryth digs his razor-sharp claws into Squidward’s chest and grabs Raphael’s essence right out of Squidward, then Raphael himself appears in front of Squidward)
Raphael: What the?! That’s not-
Azryth: Not what? Not possible? Anything’s possible. I’m going to show all of you. 
Raphael: Squidward, I’m sorry, but he did something to me. I have to return to Heaven to heal myself. 
(Raphael disappears)
Squidward: What the Hell?!
Azryth: Face it for once, Squidward, it’s hopeless. You can’t defeat me!
(Azryth grabs Squidward by his collar and slashes him in the side with his claw)
Azryth: Now Squidward, have you ever heard of death by a thousand cuts?
(Azryth slashes Squidward’s other side, then slashes his leg)
Azryth: I’m not going to do it yet, but I’m fine putting you right on the brink. 
Squidward: Do your worst, you don’t scare me. I’ve seen it all.
(Azryth goes to slash Squidward again but suddenly there’s an explosion, and Azryth’s portal collapses in on itself)
Azryth: NO! HOW DID THEY- 
(Azryth throws Squidward to the ground, pinning him by his clothes with a blade, and then swoops down in front of his portal where Squidward landed and the rest of the cult is standing)
Crayons: What, can’t open another one?
Azryth: I can, I just- No, I can’t. 
Squidward: You can’t what?
Azryth: I CAN’T OPEN ANOTHER PORTAL! I USED TOO MUCH- you know what? I don’t have time for this. 
(A battalion of angels appear behind the cult as Azryth stares them all down, every single one of his demons now defeated)
Azryth: So this is how it’s gonna be, huh? This isn’t over. I’m going to come back stronger than ever, and you’re going to have a much harder time defeating me. 
Squidward: That may be, but for now, you have to live with the fact that you lost the first battle of this war. 
Azryth: Yeah. Yeah, you think you’re hot s[dolphin chirp] now, don’t you? 
Squidward: Get out of here, you’re outmatched. 
Azryth: No. No, I’m not outmatched. I could kill every single one of you right here and right now if I wanted to, but it would serve no purpose. I want all of you to watch me win while you’re powerless to do anything about it. I want you to watch me BURN THIS REALITY TO THE GROUND! 
(Azryth disappears in a plume of purple smoke as his laugh booms across the sea)
Noseward: What now, Squidward? 
Squidward: I think it’s time we start reaching out to some old friends. 
Noseward: And then what?
Squidward: Then we go to war. 
(The camera pans out and shows the destruction left at Glove World’s center, ash and rubble left everywhere; the angels leave, and the Cult is left standing in the center of the destruction; the camera cuts to black)
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