Crazysponge's women's day

crazysponge's women's day is the fourth episode of Season Five of CrazySponge Died: The Series.
==Transcript==
(The episode opens with CrazySponge trying to taking a shit on a toilet in a bathroom stall. He is straining very hard and trying to get anything out)
CrazySponge: Urghhhh… it's so hard to take a crap nowadays. (looks at the magazine next to him and takes it) Maybe this will help move it along.
(CrazySponge begins reading the magazine, which is full of conventionally attractive women in skimpy clothing. He flips through the pages with intrigue, and starts to take a crap)
CrazySponge: So many hotties… (begins to sweat) Don't know where to begin…
(CrazySponge sighs as he finishes his business, flushes the toilet, wipes the sweat off of his face, and stands up in the stall)
CrazySponge: I feel… I feel… I feel like I can siiiiiinnnggg!
Man in the next stall: What the fuck, bro?
CrazySponge:
🎶In a world where beauty's praised, Women stand in a league of grace. From the twinkle in their eyes to their gentle touch, Each one a masterpiece, loved so much.
Oh, how beautiful women are, Like stars that shine from afar. Their elegance and charm, Could calm the wildest storm.
Yo, let me paint a picture, let me set the scene, Talking 'bout the queens, ruling like a dream. With confidence they move, with grace they sway, Empowered by their essence, shining bright each day.
Oh, how beautiful women are, Like stars that shine from afar. Their elegance and charm, Could calm the wildest storm.
In every corner of the world, in every land, Beauty resides in the touch of their hand. Let's cherish and honor, let's never forget, The beauty of women, a sight we'll never regret.🎶
(CrazySponge pants as he finishes the last line of his impromptu song. The man in the adjacent stall is menacingly looking down at CrazySponge because he is, frankly, also a creep)
Creep: (brief silence) Yep, definitely a homosexual.
CrazySponge: (head suddenly throbbing) Wh- wh- WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!
Creep: (matter-of-factly) A homosexual. A fucking [CENSOR BLEEP].
CrazySponge: THAT’S IT! YOU HAVE HOOP-ED YOUR LAST LA!
(The creep jumps into CrazySponge’s stall and starts throwing punches at his face. CrazySponge doesn’t bother to defend himself or counter his attacks, leaving him with heavy bruising and two teeth knocked out and lying in the toilet. CrazySponge tries to pick them up, but gets shoved into the toilet)
Creep: (grinning) Say goodbye, homo!
CrazySponge: I AM NOT-
(The creep shoves CrazySponge further down the toilet and immediately flushes it)
CrazySponge: (as he is sent down) GAAAAAAAY!
Creep: (sweeping hands together as he exits the stall) A job well done.
(The creep washes his hands in the sink to get the blood off of them, then he whistles as he exits the public restroom. His boyfriend, who is noticeably taller than him, greets him)
Boyfriend: Haiiii Cayden!
(Cayden’s boyfriend gives him a kiss on the cheek, and Cayden giggles as he promptly bites his boyfriend on the arm)
Cayden: Hi, Kai.
Kai: Ooh, a little feisty today. You’ve always been a fussy boy.
Cayden: (blushing, looking down awkwardly) Oh, I know. Sorry I had to piss for so long, someone was looking into my stall.
Kai: Oh my gosh, are you okay, baby? I hope you didn’t get hurt.
Cayden: Thankfully I didn’t, but that guy sure was a creep. Sang some stupid song about loving women.
Kai: Loving women? I mean, it is International Women’s Day after all.
Cayden: What? Women suck. What have they ever done for me? What, with their good-for-nothing breast sacs and their (shuddering) DISGUSTING genitalia. How can people like them?
Kai: Cayden, I think it’s time we talk about your misogynistic comments you’ve been making lately.
Cayden: Yeah, what about them? (rolls his eyes)
Kai: Did you- did you just roll your eyes at me? I’m talking to you, honey.
Cayden: (sighs) Look, I understand where you’re coming from, but I promise I don’t actually hate women. I’ve just had some… experiences with them that have made me weary, you know?
Kai: I get that, but commenting about how they’re ruining society makes you the bad guy, you know?
Cayden: (groans) I guess… but, I don’t know. Look, I’ll hold off on the comments from now on. I promise.
Kai: Thank you, dear. Now, (sits on a nearby bench and pats the spot next to him) come sit.
(Cayden sits, and the two look at each other in admiration. They nervously giggle at each other. Then, after they look away from each other for a moment, they start making out)
Kai: (in between kissing) You are SUCH a good kisser.
Cayden: (in between kissing) I know!
(The scene ends with the couple continuing to make out; fade to CrazySponge, who has just dropped into the sewer)
CrazySponge: (getting up and wiping off the slime on himself) Ick, gross. (groans) Men are disgusting. (starts walking) All they do is judge me and roast me to no end. “Gay-zySponge.” What kind of fucking nickname IS that, anyway? It’s so… low effort. Useless. (slumps) Like me. I’m useless.
(CrazySponge takes a left and sees that it’s a dead end)
CrazySponge: (backtracking) Useless like that stupid dead end. (continues walking ahead and sees a ladder) …do sewers usually have ladders like that? (shrugs) Can’t hurt to try.
(After a bit of walking, he arrives at the ladder and hesitates to climb it)
CrazySponge: Do I really want to do this? Yes, of course, CrazySponge, of course you want to get out of this sewer.
(He begins to climb the ladder, constantly mumbling about his distaste for men, and pushes the manhole cover up to reveal he is in the middle of a busy street)
CrazySponge: Oh, great! Just what I needed right now! (one of his wounds suddenly starts hurting) OW! (rubs his back) Need to get that fixed soon.
(He fully emerges from the sewer, drenched in sewage. He looks left and right, and the screen turns the scene into a game of Frogger)
CrazySponge: Okay, it’s just like Frogger. (starts running forward, dodging cars left and right) Y’know, women are like Cheerios. They all have these holes in them, and you can penetrate them with your finger. (almost gets grazed by a truck, which honks at him)
Truck driver: Stupid kid! You make me look bad!
CrazySponge: Yeesh, what’s his problem? Pssh, men. Women treat me so much nicer….
(Cutaway to CrazySponge asking his crush out for prom in the school hallway, who is a woman with several piercings and tattoos, as well as a “THEY/SHE” pronoun pin on their shirt)
CrazySponge: (visibly flustered, kicking feet, and swaying back and forth) So… um… Alicia…
Alicia: Yes, CrazySponge?
CrazySponge: (kneels down) Will you… go to prom? With me? Please?
Alicia: (sighs) You are such a great person, Crazy. But, I have something to tell you.
CrazySponge: Yeah?
Alicia: (points to the lesbian flag-colored bracelet on her arm) I’m a lesbian. I’m only attracted to other women. I already have a prom date who is a girl, soooo…. Have a good day. (begins to leave)
CrazySponge: NOOOOOOOOOO- oh she’s already gone. (begins to gawk at her from a distance) Why are the gay ones so hot?
(End of cutaway)
CrazySponge: I love women so much… (shakes his head as he almost gets run over and barely dodges the vehicle) I should probably focus on actually getting back home now.
(Still in the Frogger top-down view, CrazySponge continues dashing past countless vehicles, many of them honking at him. Then, at long last, he arrives on the driveway to his house)
CrazySponge: (panting, on the verge of passing out) I think I’m about to pass out.
(CrazySponge dies of exhaustion. Weak ass.)
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