Hagrid vs. General Cryptor

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Borg Tower, the home of the Nindroids, is empty at night. Or so it seems...
Shadow: WHERE IS GENERAL CRYPTOR?
Bird: Shh, a little quieter.
Shadow: Sorry. It is hard not to talk in all caps, like I usually do.
Tech: Here we are. The Nindroids control room. All I have to do is push this button...
Computer: ALERT! ALERT! ALERT!
Tech: Uh-oh. It seems I have activated the firewall,
???: WHO DARES COME HERE?!
Bird: CHI Fluminox!
CHI Fluminox: YOU SHALL PERISH NOW!!
Tech: No thank you.
CHI Fluminox: YOU THINK YOU CAN STOP ME?! I WILL ERADICATE YOU FIRST!!
Tech: H4X!
CHI Fluminox: YOUR HACKING WILL DO NOTHING AGAINST THE LIKES OF ME!!
Shadow: CHI FLUMINOX, YOUR THEME WAS DISCONTINUED THREE YEARS AGO. I HEREBY BANISH YOU TO THE VAULT.
CHI Fluminox: NOOOOOOOO!!
A portal opens up behind CHI Fluminox, sucking him away.
Tech: Alright, I have activated the sequence to open General Cryptor's pod.
A pod falls from the ceiling and hisses open. General Cryptor steps out.
General Cryptor: How did you bypass my defenses?!
Tech: No matter. This will be much less painful if you help us willingly.
General Cryptor: And what is it you require my services for?
Tech: Oh, I just need to take control of your central operatating system. No biggie.
General Cryptor: No biggie?! Nindroids, terminate these intruders now!!!
Hundreds of Nindroids pods fall from the ceiling. Nindroids emerge from each of them.
General Cryptor: Nindroids, attack!
Tech: EMP activated!
All of the Nindroids stop dead in their tracks.
General Cryptor: What did you do?!
Tech: I permanently disabled you and the rest of your Nindroid force.
A techno blade appears in Tech's hands.
Tech: Alright, let's make this quick.
Tech chops General Cryptor in half with the techno blade. Then, General Cryptor reassembles.
General Cryptor: Your wish is my command, master. What do you wish me to do?
Tech: Go to Amset Ra's Fighting Pyramid and compete in the next battle. Win the tournament for us, and we shall rise to power again.
General Cryptor: Yes, master.
Wyldstyle, Invizable, and Frenzy are eating at the ARFP Cafeteria.
Wyldstyle: This food is delicous. What is it?
Waiter: I believe it is fried Garmadon head with just a touch of Grundal sauce.
Wyldstyle: I believe I just lost my appetite.
Dr. McScrubs: Coming through! These three have just caugh Grundalitis. I must bring them to Quarentine.
Dr. McScrubs drags the three minifigures into his van. A few light years later, they arrive at Castillo.
Tech: Suprise! You’ve been kidnapped! Thanks to my genius plan, you were kidnapped by an imposter posing as Dr. McScrubs and brought here, to our base of operations.’
Shadow: Cut the charade, Tech. I believe we are casting at the ARFP tonight. But first, we need to stash are captive where no one will ever think to find them.
Shadow goes over to the bar.
Shadow: Hey. Remember me?
Unikitty: Yes!
Shadow: I need directions to Flame‘s Steakhouse and Grill in Cloud Cuckoo Land. Can you point me in the right direction?
Unikitty: Sure! It’s right over there! (gestures vaguely)
Few light years later...
Flame: What brings you to my side of the multiverse, boss?
Shadow: I need some place to stash these prisoners.
Flame: Sure thing, boss. Just go down the corridor, take a left, and you’ll come to the lava room of. Doom. Can’t miss it. Big giant room full of lava. 2x2 brick in the middle. Leave the prisoners there. Don’t worry, we’ll take very good care of them. We even feed them every other Tuesday.
Shadow: Sounds good.
Shadow: Hello, ladies and gentleman, hello and welcome. My name is Shadow, and I will be your announcer tonight, due to Wyldstyle currently trapped on a tiny island in a sea of lava.
Amset-Ra: What?!
Shadow: Oh yes. You won’t be seeing Wyldstyle for a very, very, long time.
Amset-Ra: Corona!
Shadow: Your bolts of energy cannot hurt me for I am immune to any form of enegy.
Amset-Ra: What?! Guards! Arrest him! Throw him in the cell with Ogel!
Security Guard: Uh, boss? Ogel escaped five battles ago,
Amset-Ra: What?! Curses!
CoronaCoranaCoranaCorana!!!!
Shadow: You cannot stop me.
Amset-Ra: Wrong. Guards? Apprehend him.
All of the guards converge on Shadow. A few seconds later, all of the guards lie on the ground, writhing in pain.
Amset-Ra: What did you do?
Shadow: I just severed their neural link.
Amset-Ra: Well, luckily I have contingency plans.
The Royal Talon Fighter flies over the pyramid.
Nakia: Greetings, foreign dignitary. Come with us to Wakanda, a safe haven.
Amset-Ra boards the Royal Talon Fighter and the ship flies off into the distance.
Shadow: Well, with Amset-Ra gone, their is nobody to dispute my rightful claim to the announcer’s position. Anyways, with me are my partners, who will be referee and predictor, respectively. Please give a warm welcome to- drumroll please- Bird and Tech!
Bird: Thank you, thank you!
Shadow: Alright. In the blood red corner, we have General Cryptor, commander of the Nindroid Army1 And in the blue corner, as in the color used by the Maya to paint their victims for sacrifice, is Hagrid! Now on to Tech for our prediction.
Tech: The odds of Hagrid winning this fight are 13328597587745365475376876459 to 1. Therefore, I predict General Cryptor to win.
Bird: Without further ado, let's get started!
General Cryptor: Prepare to be eradicated, oaf!
Shadow: It seems that General Cryptor is launching himself at Hagrid with his Techno Blade!
Hagrid: Accio Techno Blade!
Shadow: The Techno Blade flies from General Cryptor's hands to Hagrid's. Hagrid then starts slashing at General Cryptor.
General Cryptor: You have done well, competitor. But even you are no match for the Nindroid MechDragon!
Nindroid MechDragon: ROAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hagrid: Arresto Momentum!
Shadow: The Nindroid MechDragon has frozen in its tracks!
General Cryptor: You shall pay for this!
PewPewPewPewPewPewPewPew!
Hagrid: Gahh! Expelliarmus!
General Cryptor's arm, which was shooting laser beams, gets ripped off and flies to Hagrid. Hagrid ducks and the arm hits Shadow in the head.
Shadow: PUNY MORTAL! PREPARE TO FACE THE WRATH OF ME!
Hagrid: Protego!
Meanwhile, in Ministry of Magic Headquarters...
Auror 1: It looks like there is an unauthorized magic-user performing in front of muggles, sir.
Auror 2: Where?
Auror 1: Amset-Ra's Fighting Pyramid, sir.
Auror 2: Who is performing magic?
Auror 1: Hagrid, sir.
Auror 2: Let's pay Hagird a visit.
Auror 1: Yes, sir.
Auror 2: And stop calling me sir!
Auror 1: Yes, s- oh, c'mon.
Amset-Ra's Fighting Pyramid...
General Cryptor: You can't hide behind your spells, forever, Hagrid.
Hagrid: No, I cannot. But my menagerie can.
Buckbeak, Fluffy, Grawp, and Norberta charge into the battle.
Nindroid MechDragon: ROAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shadow: It seems like Norberta and the MechDragon are tearing each other apart limb for limb!
Hagrid: Not...fair.
General Cryptor: Life isn't fair... or death, for that matter.
Grawp: Grawp defend Hagger!
Shadow: Looks like Grawp is charging General Cryptor!
General Cryptor: Die, you foul beast!
Shadow: Whoa! It looks like General Cryptor has summoned a Hover Hunter, which flew towards him a sliced Grawp's head off in the process!
Hagrid: Die, you murderer!
Hagrid mounts Buckbeak and flies up towards the sky.
General Cryptor: Coward! I will deal with you myself.
General Cryptor mounts the Hover Hunter and flies towards Buckbeak. When he is nearly there, he jumps off the Hover Hunter, lands on Buckbeak, who he pushes into the path of the Hover Hunter. Then Cryptor grabs Hagrid and leaps to the ground.
Shadow: It looks like General Cryptor has killed Buckbeak!
Hagrid: I still have one last line of defense: Fluffy!
Fluffy: ROAR! WOOF!! GROWL!!!
General Cryptor: Three heads, three slices.
SwishSwishSwish
Shadow: Wow, General Cryptor has just shown off his amazing swordsmanship by killing Fluffy with only 3 strikes!
General Cryptor: Yield now and I will save you from 1.99% of the suffering.
Squidman: -And come now to pay $45950486934730986 extra credits, only at Squidman's Pitstop.
Shadow: What are you doing here, scum of the world?
Squidman: Well, it sounded just like an infomercial, so-
Shadow: LEAVE. NOW.
General Cryptor: As I was saying before I was so rudely interupted-
There is a ripping noise as ten Aurors apparate into view.
Auror 1: Hold it right there, you two.
Auror 2: This Fighting Pyramid is violating section VII, sanction 17 of clause 10 of the Ministry of Magics Sports agreement-
Auror 1: Cut to the chase, already.
Auror 2: -So we must suspend all future operations, active immediately.
Auror 1: And we call for the arrest of one Mr. Rubeus Hagrid, for unpermitted use of magic.
Auror 2: Oh yeah. That too.
Hagrid: No way. I am not coming with you idiots.
Auror 1: Them I'm sorry, you leave us no choice.
General Cryptor: Hold it. This guy is mine to kill.
Auror 2: I'm sorry, mister, but you should step aside now.
General Cryptor: You dare tell me to step aside!
Shadow: It looks like General Cryptor has just sliced Auror 2 in half!
Auror 1: Avada Kedavra!
Hagrid: Accio General Cryptor!
General Cryptor flies towards Hagrid, straight into the path of the Killing Curse.
Bird: No... this can't be happening... General Cryptor was killed...Hagrid won.
In the ARFP's briefing room...
Pharaoh Hotep: We have come here today to celebrate mourn the loss of our fellow pyramid staffers, Invizable, Wyldstyle, and Frenzy. We have decided to launch another pointless and stupid exciting and invigorating rescue expedition. Who sacrifices themselves volunteers?
Tee-Vee: I.
Priest of Tee-Vee: I shalt not allow thee to risk life and limb on this mission!
Pharaoh Hotep: I do not care if you allow it.
Priest of Tee-Vee: I shalt do everything in thou's power to stop thee!
Pharaoh Hotep: Guards! Lock him in the dungeons.
Pythor: I ssssssssssssssssssssay I ssssssssssssssssssssshould go.
Sir Fangar: Count me in.
Dr. Inferno: I could never miss out on all of the explosions, danger, and FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pyramid Guards: Hey, boss, we just brought this guy back up from the dungeons. He says he wants to help.
All: Ogel!
Pharaoh Hotep: Sure, he can come.
The Royal Talon Fighter flies back and deposits Amset-Ra.
Amset-Ra: Wait! I want to help too!
Pharaoh Hotep: No way! I absolutely forbade it! Plus, if you die out there, I have to run this awful pyramid of yours who would I bake my scorpion biscuits for.
Amset-Ra: No fair!
CoronaCoronaCorona!
Pharaoh Hotep: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CoronaCoronaCorona!
Pharaoh Hotep: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CoronaCoronaCorona!
Pharoah Hotep: OK, fine. You can go.
Amset-Ra: Yes!
Judge: Order in the court!
Everyone quiets down.
Judge: We are here today to hear the case of the ARFP vs. the Ministry of Magic. ARFP, you're up.
Sword: I, as Amset-Ra's personal lawyer, argue that the ARFP has been open for 42.7 billion years and it should stay that way.
Auror 1: I, as the head of the Ministry's office of Aurors, argue that you have defied Ministry laws and should be punished for it!
Shadow: I, as the most powerful minifigure to ever walk the lands, argue that you all shall disperse!
A portal opens up and Sword, Judge, and Auror 1 are sucked away.
Shadow: There. That's better.
Flame's Steakhouse and Grill...
Flame: Welcome back, boss.
Bird: Good to see you too, old friend.
Flame: Haven't seen you in a while Bird... Tech.
Tech: Cut the small talk. We have serious business to discuss.
Shadow: HEY. THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE MY LINE.
Flame: Anyways...
Shadow: We need your help to launch a prison break.
Flame: From where?
Shadow: Kryptarium Prison.
Flame: Sure thing, boss.
Tech: Hey... That's an ARFP Recording Drone!
Shadow: DESTROY IT!
Tech: H4X!
End Transmission.
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Category:Season 3
Category:Round 1 Battles