Buddha vs The Dude

The founder of the Buddhist way of life, Guatama Buddha, and laziest man in Los Angeles and inspiration for the Dudeist way of life, Jeffrey "The Dude" Lebowski, rap against each other to compare thee emotional calmness of these two religions and then some.
==Lyrics==
 
===Announcer:===
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY
BUDDHA
VS
THE DUDE
BEGIN!
===The Dude:===
It's The Dude, man! And Buddha's 'bout to get banned,
Like when those Chinese guys tried to get taught by your Monkey clan.
I mean, hey, if some Yoda guy wants to give me backwards shit,
Then he should goFar away, or his head will get a barcrow in it.
This religious pit stop Midway Shiva and Yahweh,
Man, what's Yogi Bear to the all the achievers, compadre?
You're a fat guy with a laundry bag, I got a fat guy with a handgun,
Taking down thugs and krauts while you levitate over a yoga rug.
You got the body of Rati, man, the Budd' looks Ike a lady.
And who the fuck would buy from a deli that sells llama meat?
Fuck Buddha, fuck the Himalayas, and fuck a Titicaca,
The Dude blows your mind like the last guy who led Nirvana!
===Buddha:===
Jeffrey Lebowski, the laziest man in the world, wants to step to me,
When he broke all five precepts over the course of one movie.
I vowed to never speak poorly of a fellow organism,
But I didn't fast just to watch some Dude make a mockery of Taoism.
The Jesus take the wheel? I'm driving Mahayana,
With my hands on the perfection of the Dharmachakra.
Your rug tied the room together, which is fine,
But it would've tied the whole universe together with a mandala design.
The Noble Truth is, Dude, you are many's samudaya,
You want to Dukkha with this and you got bad karma.
You got your dharmas backward with West misconceptions they told,
But all know that Buddha follows a better path than The Dude eightfold!
This piṭaka case played by a Buddhist student,
Is losing to the coolest Buddha who's using the smoothest prudence.
You foolish truant doofus, bring the handful of raps you can muster,
But do you have to use so many cuss words?
===The Dude: ===
What the fuck are you talking about, man?
The Dude abides, Buddha is, like, fucking ancient, man.
This heir to the throne figured sitting under a tree would be cooler,
Man, I'll call you back when I need help fixing my fucking computer.
===Buddha:===
You know, those nihilists may actually get that johnson purloined,
Since for one to achieve araham, one must have their taint destroyed!
I'm the awakened one, you're the hungover one,
My followers are one with Buddha, and Buddha has just won.
===Announcer:===
WHO WON?
WHO'S NEXT?
YOU DECIDE!
EPIC RAP-
(The announcer meditates.)
Aaahhh, Battles of History
<poll>
WHO WON?
Buddha
The Dude
</poll>