Wort

"Wort."--Wort
Wort was a diminutive Sangheili who led a mass genocide of Unggoy on his cruiser, the Why Do I Exist? He can only say one word, that being his own name. Maybe he was dropped on his head as a child? I don't know.
== Biography or Some Shit ==
=== Childhood ===
"Our son has brain damage from that one time you drank one too many, honey."--Wort's father"...No."--Wort's mother, clearly drunk on somethingWort was born somewhere at sometime because Sangheilis like to mate. I really don't even know where, or when. I'm going to say that he was telling the truth, and that he was born on Wort. What is Wort? I don't know. Where is Wort? I don't know. Maybe you should ask Wort himself, I'm sure he'd be happy to tell you. His mother denies drinking too much alcohol when she was pregnant, but his father knows the truth. Anyways, when Wort was like four or something he joined the Covenant military
=== Covenant ===
"Humanity will burn for their sins!"--Prophet of Something"Wort."--WortYou see that inspiring conversation above? Really brings tears to the eyes, doesn't it? Wort does. Hell, I think he has remembered everything since he was born. His mom didn't pack his lunchbox when he went to join the Covenant, making him really sad. He wanted those cheese and crackers. He was sent to some planet to kill some random humans. So, imagine this. This fucking toddler running around with a rifle twice the size of his head. Funny, right? 
Nah. Whenever he shot his rifle he went flying backwards. I don't even know how they allowed him to go in. I think he was standing on top of a stool while wearing a long trench coat. Just like those old cartoons. I bet he was wearing some shades to make him look cool. I think he fucking exploded after wandering into a landmine, but he came back somehow. Then he died to barbed wire, and finally by jumping off of some random building.
Brilliance. Pure and unmatched brilliance. I think this man's the next Einstein. Well as it turns out, the Prophet of Truth didn't like that. He became something involving Unggoy mating. Dear god, I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. When his friends were fighting on the planet, he was watching something that would make my eyes bleed. After being promised cheese and crackers, he became the Covenant's poster boy. Motivational posters were put all over the place featuring him, and everybody knew Wort. He mated at age seven with some random woman and had children, all appropriately named after him. There was Wort Wort, Wort Wort Wort, Wort Wort Wort Wort, Wort Wort Wort Wort Wort, and Wort Wort Wort Wort Wort Wort.
He then became the shipmaster of the Why Do I Exist after killing the man who offended his wife, Julpod. He then lead a massacre against Unggoy onboard, killing the babies and their mothers in minutes. I don't even know anymore. I know he saw some messed up shit, but that? Jesus. Uh, I don't think the Prophet of something was very happy.
==== Trial ====
"Why did you do it Wort?"--Prophet of Something"Wort."--Wort Wort was put on trial for his mass murdering of Unggoy. The judge was none other than Something himself! He demanded an answer, but you know Wort. He'll just say Wort over and over again until you leave. And that's what he did. He won the case without a lawyer, somehow being the only one to do so. There was even evidence, bu t if he was arrested morale would drop.
And so, he walked free. And he got cheese and crackers! Yay! Wort was then sent back onto the planet and did what he did best. Dying over and over again until he got bored and left. We should give him an award!
==== Great Schism ====
"Wort, hand over your cheese and crackers. You are no longer needed."--Prophet of Truth (I hate this bastard)"Wort."--Wort
They took his cheese and crackers after that scumbag Truth betrayed his species. He had one good idea for once (Wort did, not truth). He fucking slaughtered every single person in his way as he walked to the nearby grocery store. Nah, just kidding. Or am I? Nah, I am. OR AM I? Okay, I'll stop. Anyways, he left and headed back to Wort. Yeah, the imaginary planet. 
He watched as all cheese and crackers on the planet were destroyed by Truth's omega death ray of pain. Angry, he decided to attempt to single-handedly destroy the Covenant. And that he did. On Wort, at least. You think Master Chief and the Arbiter are heroes? No, you've got it all wrong. This man reinvented cheese and crackers on Wort and made everybody happy.
When the war ended he created Wort's Cheese and Crackers, a company that sends out cheese and crackers to every planet.
=== After the War ===
Wort's Cheese and Crackers failed in a year and Wort was left in poverty. Wort needed to feed his children so he had to become a movie star. He starred in Wort, a movie where he hunts a Spartan. This did jack-diddly-shit, and he only made like five dollars. Now sick with some disease, he devoted his life to charity. How wholesome! Well, you know Wort. He's r̶e̶t̶a̶r̶d̶e̶d̶, I mean "mentally challenged". All of that money turned into cheese and crackers after getting involved in the Wort mob. 
He died and came back, like always. How? I don't even fuckin' know. He did this like five times already. He became friends with John-117 (literally an action figure he purchased from some flea market) and he lived happily ever after. The fucking end.
== Personality ==
All he says is wort. I don't know who he likes, who he hates. All he says is wort and variations of it. I know he has kids and grandchildren(?) Does he care about them. Maybe.
== Quotes ==
"Wort."--Wort's signature (and only) word"Wort."--Wort while trying to talk to the Prophet of Something"Wort."--Wort winning in chess
== Family ==
* Julpod: Wife
* Wort Wort: Wort's oldest son and successor. Like his father, he loves cheese and crackers and only says wort.
* Wort Wort Wort: Wort's second oldest son. Like his brother and father, he only says Wort. He hates cheese and crackers, leading Wort to throw him out of the family's home.
* Wort Wort Wort Wort: Wort's third oldest son. He died when Wort lost in chess and had to hand over his cheese and crackers.
* Wort Wort Wort Wort Wort: Wort's only daughter and second youngest child. She is a studying professor at the Wort Academy of Subway Sandwiches (I mean Cheese 'N Crackers)
* Wort Wort Wort Wort Wort Wort: Wort's youngest child. He is his least favorite child because he stole the supply of cheese from the pantry
* Possible grandchildren: I don't know. Maybe they exist.
Category:Sangheili
Category:Males