I'm Gonna Git You Suckoid (Transcript)

[Music playing] Hey, everybody. I got a little short story. A little short story about love. Not too much, ya know. I kept it playin'. ♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪ ♪ Redbone TNT, had eyes all over me ♪ ♪ hey, Redbone TNT ♪ ♪ had eyes all over me ♪ ♪ all over, all over ♪ ♪ had eyes all over me ♪ Whoa, they're really stomping out there tonight! Leroy, I don't think that's a stomping. ♪ Redbone TNT ♪ [Screeching] ♪ had eyes all over me ♪ ♪ hey, Redbone TNT ♪ [People screaming] ♪ had eyes all over me ♪ ♪ all over, all over ♪ ♪ had eyes all over me ♪ [Rumbling] My fellow Jamaicans, President Whitewall here. Congratulations. It looks like the vibrations from all your dancing have awakened prehistoric reptiles that live beneath the island. Now, these "suckoids," as they like to be called, can't find us if they can't hear us, so I'm putting a moratorium on dancing, got it? That means no expressing yourself... no tweaking, no Harlem shaking, and definitely no shmurda. That's an order! Dancing leads to suckoids, and suckoids lead to death. End transmission. Whitewall out. [School bell rings] [Penny speaking] [Tracy speaks] Alright, settle down please. We have a new student joining us today. But before he gets here, I should tell you that both of his parents were recently murdered by suckoids, so try not to bring that up. [Music playing] ♪ You, you, you, you ♪ ♪ you, you, you ♪ ♪ you, you, you, you ♪ ♪ you, you, you, you ♪ ♪ you've got to ♪ [Music stops] Well, I say. You must be our new student. They call me... Goosh. Well, Goosh, I'm sure you'll like it here at Jamaica high. Here's your text... Save it, grandpa. I don't need your knowledge. I'm at this school to do two things: dance... [Rumbling] and kill suckoids. [Screeches] You just got... Gooshed.
Sup? Sup? I'm Penny. Like the currency. [Chuckles] Cool. So is it true that your parents were eaten by suckoids? Yeah, they were professional backup dancers. And you still want to dance? You better believe it. I'm gonna dance my ass off until I kill every last one of those suckoids and avenge my parents' death. That is so powerful. The only problem is, there's thousands of them and the Goosh only has one lazer gun. Ya know, I know someone that also has a lazer gun. [Alarm blares] A'ight, Major. This is a suckoid simulator. Perfect practice for when the real suckoids surface. Ready when you are, man. [Alarm blares] [Screeches] Major Lazer, behind you! That fake suckoid... just got Gooshed. Penny, who's the sharp shooter? Major Lazer, this is Goosh. He's gonna help us kill suckoids and bring dancing back to Jamaica. [Screeches] Respect. If we're gonna kill all these suckoids, we're gonna need a plan. Maybe we can go club to club, dancing and killing suckoids. But that could take years. If only there was a way to get everyone in the world in one place and get them to dance, then it would create a vibration so intense it would attract all the suckoids on Earth! Wait, that's brilliant! The music festival is this weekend, and everyone in the world is going to be there! The only problem is my dad's outlawed dancing. Everyone's going to be too scared to move their bodies. Nah, don't worry. I'm gonna make a beat so sick, people won't have a choice. They're gonna have to dance. Now we all better get a good night's sleep, because tomorrow [emphatically] we're... gonna... be... dancing. Hey, Penny, whatever happens tomorrow... we'll always have this. This what? This kiss. You just got Gooshed. General Rubbish, you have security in place for today's music festival? Yes, my liege! And what's the plan if one of these jokers tries to dance? We kill them! What? Rubbish, no! You can't kill them! That's what we're trying to avoid! Just... whatever. Tase them or something. Of course! No killing, just tase! Got it! [Doorbell rings] I gotta call you back. Someone's at the door. What up, prez? Who the [bleeps] are you? Name's Goosh. I'm here to pick up your daughter... in a [bleeps] Lambo. Hey, Penny! There's an awful kid here to see you! Love you, dad. Don't wait up. Whoa! Are those dancing shoes? Rubbish! [Music playing] Man, this D.J. is so good! I wish we could dance! Me too. I'm D.J. Thanks, and I want to thank you for coming out. You're a dope audience. Thanks again. Attention all music festival attendees! [Crowd booing] Dancing will not be tolerated! If you see someone who looks like they may want to dance, notify the nearest military off... [Warbles] 'Sup, everybody? It's your boy Goosh, and I've got my own message for you. For centuries, people have danced. They dance for exercise. They dance for fun. But tonight... we dance to kill! [Crowd cheering] Yeah! We need to bring these suckoids to the surface, so we can kill them once and for all. So who's with me? Crowd: Yeah! Major Lazer, take it away! [Cheering] [Music playing] [Rumbling] [Screeching] [Gunfire] [Roars] [lazers firing] [Deep roar] That's the empress! That's their leader! Mommy and daddy, this is for you. Hey, man, look right there! That dude's riding the suckoid! Lazer, the speaker! Blkmrkt, pump up the volume! [Music stops] Goosh! No. [Music continues] The entire planet just got Gooshed. I just got a text saying they found more suckoids in Djibouti. But I'll come back... and when I do, I'll take care of... that booty. [Sighs] Stay sweet, girl. Oy. Where does she find these guys?