Persona 3 Abridged Episode 1 Script

The following is the script for the first episode of Persona 3 Abridged, unedited from its original form. Some content may have been changed.
== Script ==
-Guy falls in front of train-
Train conductor: We apologize for the inconvenience, our uh…
one passenger. Please sit tight for the rest of the trip. Or stand. What the
fuck ever.
-EVERY DAY’S GREAT AT YOUR OPENING-
Train conductor: We’ve arrived at Gekkoukan Station. Now,
please remember. Look both ways… before jumping in front of the fucking train.
Asshole.
-dark hour happens, music stops-
Makoto: [deep sigh] This knock-off ipod’s deader than my
parents…
-Walks into the dorm-
Makoto: Freeze! This is the cops! Just kidding. I’m robbing
you.
Pharos: I already called dibs. Try next door. Nah I work
here. Hey, sign this. It’s nothing too important, just—
-Makoto signs it-
Pharos: iTunes gets away with a lot of shit because of
people like you.
-Black thing happens-
Pharos: Okay, whoa! What’s going on! Quick grab my hand!
Grab my hand! AAAAAAA-
Makoto: Nice talk, buddy.
Yukari: Who you calling buddy, pal??
Makoto: Short guy in stripes—is that a gun?
Yukari: Yeah, and it’s loaded!
Mitsuru: It’s not real.
Yukari: Shit!
(power goes on)
Mitsuru: Don’t worry, Yukari. He’s the new transfer student.
Makoto: Also, I’m robbing you. If you need me, I’ll be in my
room.
Mitsuru: Yukari, make sure he doesn’t take anything.
(transition)
Yukari: So, this is your room.
Makoto: This is a door.
(transition)
Train Conductor: ALRIGHT, EVERYBODY! BRACE FOR IMPACT!
People: (Screaming)
Yukari: I hate awkward silences. So uh… how do you like the
train ri--?
Makoto: I don’t like trains. They got one track minds.
Yukari: Eh, good one.
(transition)
Yukari: And welcome to Gekkoukan High! So, what do you
think?
Makoto: Train should’a parked closer. Too many stairs.
Ms. Toriumi: Junpei Iori?
Junpei: Sup!
Ms. Toriumi: Yukari Takeba?
Yukari: Here.
Ms. Toriumi: Makoto Yuki?
Makoto: Mm.
Ms. Toriumi: Okay. Bye.
Student A: What about the rest of us?
Junpei: Hi, you know what you look like you need? Some
Junpei! 
Makoto: Leave.
Junpei: Don’t worry. First 30 days are free.
Yukari: Iori! Stop harassing the new kid!
Junpei: You already had your trial! Now pay up!
Yukari: You really need to set a good example for the
school, Junpei. Hey, Makoto, you know what you look like you need? Some—
Mitsuru: Takeba! Stop harassing the new kid! We need you in
the chief director’s office.
Junpei: Alright, so I’ll put that on your tab then?
Yukari: Fuck off!
(transition)
Yukari: Did you steal his permanent record?
Ikutsuki: For the last time, I work here (pause), so yes.
Alright, let’s see here… Name: Makoto Yuki, Age: 16. Ten years ago his parents-
Oooh, I’m just gonna put these away.
Mitsuru: Maybe he can work with us. 
Ikutsuki: I mean he’s been through worse.
Yukari: That’s fucked up.
Ikutsuki: Then it’s settled. We’re putting cameras in his
room. Yukari, hold onto these.
Yukari: Uh, sure?
Ikutsuki: But give ‘em back when you’re done. They’re mine.
(transition)
Makoto: I can't stand trains. So why am I standing?
Igor: Hello? Is this thing on?
(sound of hitting a mic)
Igor: Aherm. Okay. Welcome to the Velvet Room, Makoto…
Yuuuuu? I can’t read this your hand writing is really awful. 
Elizabeth: Yuki.
Igor: Yuki!
Igor: We heard you didn’t read the contract. Jokes on you.
You’re stuck with us now! It’s alllll downhill
from here!
(key appears)
Igor: What the fuck?!
Elizabeth: This is the key to our room.
Igor: How is that key floating like that?
Elizabeth:  Take this
key and keep it safe. Stop by whenever you need us.
Igor: Yeah, but don’t stay long.
(as it fades)
Igor: Think he could tell I was new?
Elizabeth: Probably.
Natsuki: Hey Nerd! I brought you some books!  So you can READ! You nerd!
Bully1 Bully2 Natsuki: *Laughter*
Fuuka: …Okay?
(Makoto picks up her books)
Fuuka: Oh, thank you for helping me.
Makoto: Nah, I’m taking ‘em with me.
Koromaru: (howling sound)
(Morgenstemning plays)
Victimfriend 1: And then I was like, “Hey, check out my
sweet ass-ride,” and she was like “What’s an ass-ride?”
Victimfriend 2: She didn’t know what an ass-ride was? Oh my
God.
Victim: Huh… Okay guys quite playing around, it was funny
once, but it’s starting to get old.
(hathoull sound effect) 
(Makoto: snores a bunch)
Yukari: You know, this is kinda creepy. Can we stop?
Ikutsuki: Sometimes you’ve got to get your hands dirty for
the truth.
Mitsuru: And the truth is…?
Ikutsuki: Spying on students is boring and lame.
Mitsuru: I dunno. I’m kinda gettin’ into it.
Akihiko: Mitsuru! I’ve got some good news and some bad news.
Mitsuru: What’s the good news?
Akihiko: For the sake of my joke, I’ll give you the bad
news.
Mitsuru: *Sigh* What’s the bad news?
-The sounds of shadows-
Akihiko: Take a guess.
Yukari: And the good news?
Akihiko: There is none. I thought it would break the ice.
Yukari: Didn’t work.
-First floor-
-Akhiko breaks through the door-
Mitsuru: Akihiko! You alright?
Akihiko: Yeah. Made it to home base. We’re safe now.
Mitsuru: So you lost them on the way here?
Akihiko: Mmmmmmm…..
-Shadows hit door-
Yukari: You led them back to base?
Akihiko: Didn’t do it on purpose.
Mitsuru: Takeba!
Yukari: You can call me Yukari, you know. Jeez.
(pause)
Mitsuru: Go upstairs and take Makoto to the roof.
(sounds of pounding on a door)
Yukari: Makoto! Wake up!
Makoto:  I’m already awake.
You guys party hard.
(Yukari takes Makoto and they run to the roof)
Makoto: Wait, hold up for a sec.
Yukari: Why are we stopping?
Makoto: Why are we running?
Yukari: If we don’t, we’ll die!
Makoto: Are you afraid of dying, Yukari?
Yukari: Well, yeah.
Makoto: Me too. Let’s go.
Magician: Hey.
Yukari: Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! (long-ish scream that ends up a
like “oof!” or “ugh!” kind of sound)
Makoto: (to himself) Oh, that’s why we’re running… 
Makoto: Oof.
Yukari: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! (she’s
running with an injured leg)
Magician: So did I miss or what?
Yukari: (out of breath) Okay. There’s no way he can climb up
here.
Makoto: Hey, he’s climbing up here.
Yukari: Awww! He’s climbing up here!
Yukari: (still out of breath) Don’t worry, Makoto!
Everything’s under control!
Makoto: Doesn’t look like it.
Magician: (attack sound)
Yukari: Ah!!
Makoto: (a little louder than usual) So can I worry now?
Magician: Alright, peace.
Makoto: Well, there’s always one way out.
Pharos: So I got out there. That was weird! What I miss?
Makoto: Per
Pharos: Whoa whoa whoa!!
Makoto: So
Pharos: Put the gun down! Put the gun-
Makoto: Na!
*Bang*
Pharos: Oh God!
Orpheus: Bet you didn’t expect this to happen, huh, Makoto?
(shot of Mitsuru, Akihiko, and Ikutsuki)
Magician: Oh, hey.
Orpheus: Okay, Makoto! Time to show you what I’m made o—aslkdfjaslkdfj
(Fight scene with Thanatos)
(shot of Mitsuru, Akihiko, and Ikutsuki)
Orpheus: Hey, what happened?
(shot of Mitsuru, Akihiko, and Ikutsuki)
Makoto: Is it over?
Yukari: Yes?
Makoto: Good.
-Falls down-
Category:Persona 3 Abridged
Category:P3A Scripts
Category:P3A