Mayor George

Mayor George is the forty-fourth episode of The SpongeBob and Daddy Pig Show, and the sixth episode of the fifth and final season. It was written by and released on July 12, 2023.
== Transcript == 
[Exterior shot of The Krusty Krab.]
Mark: (off-screen) God, I’m so tired of girls’ games.
[Cut to the interior; Johnny and Mark are sat at a table together.]
Johnny: What happened now, Mark?
Mark: Relationships never work, man, I don’t know why I waste my time.
Johnny: What makes you say that?
Mark: It’s not that easy, Johnny.
Johnny: Well, you should be happy, Mark.
Mark: Yeah, I know. Life is too short.
[SpongeBob brings Johnny and Mark a hot chocolate and mint tea respectively.]
Johnny: Oh, thank you so much.
SpongeBob: You’re welcome. How about something like… cheesecake!?
Johnny: Nah.
SpongeBob: Real good… Alright.
[SpongeBob walks back into the kitchen, giving his now-boyfriend Squidward a peck on the cheek on the way.]
Squidward: Stop! (giggles) You’re too much.
SpongeBob: You know you like it.
Squidward: We’re at work, SpongeBob!
[Cut back to Johnny and Mark.]
Mark: How was work today?
Johnny: Oh, pretty good. We got a new client at the bank, we make a lot of money.
Mark: What client?
Johnny: I cannot tell you, it’s confidential.
Mark: Aw, come on, why not?
Johnny: No I can’t. Anyway, how is your sex life?
[SpongeBob walks back out from the kitchen serves the Pig family their Krabby Patties.]
SpongeBob: Here you go.
Daddy Pig: Mmmm! Thanks, SpongeBob.
Peppa: Mine is a vegan patty, right? 
Daddy Pig: Augh, why do you have to be such a woke liberal, Peppa?!
Mummy Pig: Don’t talk to her like that, Daddy Pig! Peppa, we respect your life choices, right Daddy Pig?!
Daddy Pig: Over my dead body! A growing lass needs her meat. …not bacon though, I still have scars from when I found out where that comes from…
Perch Perkins (on Krusty Krab TV): Thank you very much indeed. Now, our next story is about Boris Johnson, who has recently been released from prison on bail.
SpongeBob: What the?!
Peppa: THAT LYING MOTHERFUCKER MURDERED MY GIRLFRIEND!
Mummy Pig: Yeah! How the hell did he get out of prison so quickly?!
Daddy Pig: Well he is famous and has money.
Perch Perkins (on Krusty Krab TV): Boris Johnson has also announced his intentions to run for mayor of Peppa Pig World in this month’s upcoming elections.
Squidward: HA! Does that murderer seriously think people will vote for him?! Is he gonna make a fucking apology video?
Perch Perkins (on Krusty Krab TV): Johnson released the following apology video this morning.
[Cut to Boris Johnson with a ukelele.]
Boris Johnson: 🎵All aboard the Toxic Gossip Train!🎵
🎵Chugging down the tracks of misinformation!🎵
🎵The Toxic Gossip Train!🎵
🎵You got a one-way ticket to Manipulation Station!🎵
[Cut back.]
Daddy Pig: …fuck.
SpongeBob: What?
Daddy Pig: Peppa Pig World is fucked!
SpongeBob: You’ve got nothing to worry about, Daddy Pig. No one’s going to vote for him to be mayor.
Daddy Pig: He made an apology video! With a ukelele! 
SpongeBob: Yeah, I guess that was a pretty catch apology song. 
Mummy Pig: Usually there’s only one guy who runs for mayor of Peppa Pig World - Mayor Lion.
Squidward: Well what’s wrong with him?
Mummy Pig: He thinks cows run all the banks.
Johnny: Hahaha! What a story, Mummy Pig.
Mummy Pig: Yeah, you can say that again.
Daddy Pig: It’s between a guy who associates with Hitler, or a guy who murdered one child once.
SpongeBob: Hasn’t anyone else ever run for mayor?
Mummy Pig: Not really. It’s too much paperwork.
Johnny: Cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep!
Daddy Pig: Hang on, I got it! We just need to find a candidate who isn’t a Nazi and isn’t a murderer, and then surely Boris Johnson has no chance at becoming mayor!
SpongeBob: (raises hand) I’ll do it!
Squidward: Huh?
Daddy Pig: SpongeBob, you need to be a Peppa Pig World citizen to run for mayor though.
SpongeBob: Oh…
Johnny: Then why don’t you just run for mayor?
Daddy Pig: Eh?! What?!
Johnny: It seems to me like you’re the EXPERT, Daddy Pig!
Daddy Pig: Well, I am a bit of an expert… but, no, I can’t. It’s way too much responsibility. The mayor of Peppa Pig World should be someone young, someone with nothing to lose…
George: Dinosaur! Grrr…
[Pause.]
Mummy Pig: Daddy Pig…?
Daddy Pig: Yes?
Mummy Pig: You’re not seriously considering what I think you’re considering, are you?
Daddy Pig: Oh come on! George would be the perfect candidate! He’s young, bold, confident… Plus, he’s autistic so he gets the representation vote!
George: Mayor George! Mayor George!
Johnny: Hahaha! You must be kidding, aren’t you?
Daddy Pig: He’d be the perfect mayor!
Squidward: I don’t know… do you really think people would vote for a CHILD?
Daddy Pig: Boris Johnson’s basically a child.
Squidward: True.
Johnny: Come on! Give George chance. He can be great mayor!
Mummy Pig: George, do you really want to be mayor?
George: Mayor George!
Mummy Pig: (sighs) I guess that settles it then. George is running for mayor.
George: YIPPEEE!
[Cut to a TV studio, not dissimilar to the one used for Catchphrase. Boris Johnson, Mayor Lion and George Pig are all stood behind podiums.]
Announcer: (off-screen) WELCOME TO THE 2023 PEPPA PIG WORLD mayoral DEBATE! PLEASE WELCOME YOUR HOST… MR. STEPHEN MULHERN! COURTESY OF BUYAGIFT.COM!
[The crowd cheers as Stephen Mulhern walks on stage.]
Stephen Mulhern: Hello, how are you? And welcome to the 2023 Peppa Pig World Mayoral Debate, the show that’s almost as good as Boyzone, West Life, Girls Aloud… I say almost because you don’t have a chance to win the position of mayor of Peppa Pig World!
[The crowd cheers.]
SpongeBob: (in audience) I hope George doesn’t mess up.
Squidward: (in audience) He won’t darling, don’t you worry.
[The two kiss.]
Stephen Mulhern: Let’s meet our candidates. First up is Boris Johnson.
[The crowd boos.]
Boris: Johnson: HELLO! HOW DO YOU DO?!
Stephen Mulhern: I’m doing pretty good, how are you?
Boris Johnson: NEVER INTERVIEW HERE! INTERVIEW PEPPA PIG WORLD!
Stephen Mulhern: This is Peppa Pig World.
Boris Johnson: Oh, right.
Stephen Mulhern: So, Boris Johnson, you were previously prime minister before being replaced by Liz Truss and going to prison for the murder of LGBTQ+ icon Suzy Shee-
Boris Johnson: Can I stop you right there, Mr. Speaker? Because, um, actually I think we all know that Liz Truss murdered the economy and Her Majesty the Queen, so I do think it is quite unfair to act like I’m the only murderer who’s ever been prime minister.
Stephen Mulhern: So you agree that you’re a murderer?
Boris Johnson: Well yeah but I- I, uh, I made an apology video with the ukelele. So I- I think now I- I think all can be forgiven.
Stephen Mulhern: That seems fair enough. So why do you want to be mayor of Peppa Pig World?
Boris Johnson: Well, Peppa Pig World is very much my kind of place. It- It- It- It has, eh- uh… it has… very safe streets, uh… discipline in schools, uh… heavy emphasis in new mass transit systems, I- I noticed, even if they are a bit stereotypical about Daddy Pig.
Daddy Pig: (in audience) Eh? What? I’m not a stereotype! Am I?
Peppa: (in audience) What’s a stereotype?
Mummy Pig: (in audience) He’s saying Daddy has a big tummy.
Daddy Pig: (in audience) I DO NOT HAVE A BIG TUMMY! (snorts)
Boris Johnson: But the real lesson for me going to Peppa Pig World… uh, was about the power of UK creativity. Uh… who would have believed uh… Stephen, that a pig that looks like a hairdryer, uh or- or possibly, well, like a Picasso-like hairdryer, uh, a pig that was rejected by a BBC, uh, would now be exported to 180 countries with theme parks both in, uh… in America and in China as well as in uh as well as in uh the new forest.
Stephen Mulhern: I couldn’t have said it better myself, Mr. Johnson.
Boris Johnson: Thank you.
Stephen Mulhern: And our next candidate is the current mayor of Peppa Pig World, Mayor Lion. How are you, Mayor Lion?
Mayor Lion: HEIL HITLER!
Stephen Mulhern: I- I- I- I don’t know what to say- I- well- uh… Mayor Lion, why- uh why do you want to be Peppa Pig World?
Mayor Lion: Oh, that is a very good question, Stephen Mulhern. And the answer is very simple - I don’t.
Stephen Mulhern: What?!
Mayor Lion: (points to Boris Johnson) That man right there is a hero! He murdered gay icon Suzy Sheep! And when he becomes mayor he will murder all the other gays too! And then Peppa Pig World will finally be free from the homosexual curse we have been trapped under for far too long now! (evil laugh)
Stephen Mulhern: How the hell did you even get elected in the first place?!
Mayor Lion: I don’t know.
Stephen Mulhern: Well, finally our last candidate is a newcomer to politics. He’s still in preschool but as the brother of Suzy Sheep’s girlfriend, he has a lot to say. Say hello to George Pig!
George: Hewwo!
Stephen Mulhern: And why do you want be mayor, George?
[Pause.]
George: Dinosaur! Grrrrr!
Stephen Mulhern: Fascinating! Now, here’s how this is going to work. We are going to take questions from the audience and let our mayoral candidiates debate it out. Seems simple enough. First question can come from… um… uh… you! Bitch at the front of the audience!
Mummy Pony: (in audience) Bit rude.
Stephen Mulhern: Oh, sorry, I meant the bitch next to you.
Mummy Dog: (in audience) Yeah, hi. My questions is, um, what are all the candidates’ stances on the current cost of living crisis?
Boris Johnson: Oh, that is a great question, Mummy Dog! And let me tell you how pretty your fur looks today. And to, um, to- to answer your question, I uh, I can assure that I am on your side, and with me as mayor I can help to build a high-growth, low-tax economy where everyone can buy their own home and pay their bills.
Stephen Mulhern: And what exactly is it you plan on doing to accomplish this?
Boris Johnson: Well, uh… I… augh… I- would you like a cup of tea?
Mayor Lion: I think the cost of living crisis is just a bunch of fake liberal BULLSHIT! If you’re too poor to afford to live then maybe you don’t deserve to live! Just get a job like the rest of us, it seriously isn’t that hard!
Stephen Mulhern: And what about you, George? What do you think about the current state of the UK economy?
[Pause.]
George: Dinosaur! Grrrrr!
Daddy Pig: (in audience) THAT’S MY SON! YOU TELL THEM, GEORGE!
Stephen Mulhern: Uh… next question… you! Rabbit lady.
Miss Rabbit: Yeah, uh… thoughts on racism?
Mayor Lion: OH! I am so glad someone asked that! All the minorities are coming in and oppressing us normal people! Animals need to be segregated for our own safety. Races can not be kept together any longer!
George: (cries)
Boris Johnon: Yeah uh I- I- I agree with George here. Racism is Not Good…
Stephen Mulhern: Well, thank you for sharing your perspectives. Let’s just move on. You, sir! Postman!
Mr. Zebra: Thank you. My question is about climate change and environmental protection. What are your plans to address these issues in Peppa Pig World?
Mayor Lion: CLIMATE CHANGE IS A HOAX BY THE GOVERNMENT! IT DOESN’T EXIST! IT’S A MYTH! Peppa Pig World should focus on more pressing environmental issues than some silly fairytale about the icecaps melting. Our water right here in Peppa Pig World is being polluted! It’s turning everyone into a homosexual! If it carries on at this rate, there will be no normal straight people left!
Boris Johnson: Actually, uhhh… I think climate change should be the number one internati- international priority! We should begin converting to more eco-friendly resources as soon as possible.
Stephen Mulhern: And what about you George, do you have any thoughts on climate change?
[Pause.]
George: Climate… change… bad.
[The crowd cheers.]
Mummy Pig: (in audience) That's right, George!
Stephen Mulhern: Thank you, George. We have time for just one more question. You, the duck in the back.
Mrs. Duck: Quack! Quack quack quack!
Stephen Mulhern: Uh, sorry… can someone translate?
Peppa: (in audience) She's asking about education!
Stephen Mulhern: Ah, thank you, Peppa. Candidates, what are your plans for education in Peppa Pig World?
Boris Johnson: Education is- is- is the key to unlocking a bright future for our children! I will prioritize investing in schools and ensuring that every child has access to a high-quality education. I believe in empowering our educators and providing the resources they need to nurture the talents of our young ones.
Stephen Mulhern: Thank you, Boris. Mayor Lion, your thoughts on education?
Mayor Lion: There’s nothing children learn in school that they can’t learn out on the streets. We have the internet of God’s sake! Why are we sending children into buildings away from parental supervision where children are being groomed to be transgender! Is this what you really want for your children? It definitely ain’t what God intended, that’s for sure.
Boris Johnson: I- uh… I agree with that last part.
George: PHUCK YOU!
[The audience gasps.]
George: TWANS WIGHTS AWE HUMAN WIGHTS!
[The crowd cheers again.]
Stephen Mulhern: Well, thank you, candidates, for your responses. That concludes our debate for today. The winner of the 2023 Peppa Pig World mayoral election will be announced after the commercial break. To vote for Boris Johnson from a landline call 09020 44 24 01, or from a mobile text 64424 01. To vote for Mayor Lion from a landline call 09020 44 24 02, or from a mobile text 64424 02. And finally, to vote for Geroge Pig from a landline call 09020 44 24 03, or from a mobile text 64424 03. You can also vote through the Peppa Pig World TV app. Good luck to all the candidates. And remember, what happens in Silverstone stays in Mauritius! 
[The crowd cheers as the show cuts to commercial break. Johnny appears on an advert.]
Johnny: To be or not to be… that is the question. The answer to be at Street Fashions! Be there for Levi’s jeans! Street Fashions has the best prices, the best quality, and the best selection of Levi’s jeans ANYWHERE. Be who you want to be in Levi’s jeans from Street Fashions! To be or not to be… who do YOU want to be?!
[The audience cheers as we cut back to the show.]
Stephen Mulhern: Welcome back to the show. Before the break, I asked you to suppose you are the manager of a shipping company that operates a fleet of delivery trucks. Each truck has a maximum capacity of 10,000 kilograms and your company receives an order to transport a total of 50,000 kilograms of goods from City A to City B. Your task is to determine the minimum number of trucks required to transport the entire order, while satisfying the weight restrictions.
[A producer speaks to Stephen through his earpiece.]
Stephen Mulhern: Sorry, what was that? …wrong show? OH! MY BAD! The votes for the election have been counted, let’s find out who won.
[The lights dim.]
Daddy Pig: (in audience) Come on…
Mummy Pig: (in audience) Please George, please…
SpongeBob: (in audience) YOU CAN DO IT, GEORGE!
Stephen Mulhern: In 3rd place, with the minority of the votes… it’s Mayor Lion.
Mayor Lion: MOTHERFUCKER! THOSE LIBERALS GOT ME AGAIN!
Stephen Mulhern: Bad luck, bruv. Guess you’re not Mayor Lion anymore. You’re just Lion.
Lion: I WON THIS ELECTION, BY A LOT!
Stephen Mulhern: You didn’t, son. It’s okay. We have some frozen popsicles in the studios out back.
[Lion starts crying.]
Lion: …thank you…
[Lion walks off stage in tears.]
Stephen Mulhern: This means the new mayor of Peppa Pig World is between Boris Johnson and George Pig.
Peppa: (in audience) COME ON, GEORGE! BEAT HIS ASS!
Stephen Mulhern: So… the winner of the election… 
[Pause for suspense.]
Squidward: (in audience) COME ON, GEORGE!
[The audience starts repeatedly chanting George’s name.]
Stephen Mulhern: The winner of the election… will be announced in a few minutes.
[The audience continues chanting George’s name.]
Stephen Mulhern: I can now reveal that…
[The audience chants George’s name still.]
Stephen Mulhern: BORIS JOHNSON!
Boris Johnson: WHAT?!
Stephen Mulhern: THE MAYOR OF PEPPA PIG WORLD… IS NOT YOU BECAUSE THE WINNER WITH THE MAJORITY OF VOTES IS GEORGE PIG!
[Confetti goes off and a large banner with George’s face on it falls on the back of the stage. The crowd cheers.]
Daddy Pig: (in audience) HE DID IT!
Rocky Robinson: YOU DID IT!
Stephen Mulhern: Congratulations, George Pig! You are the new mayor of Peppa Pig World!
[George looks both shocked and delighted as he walks to the center of the stage, amidst the cheers and applause from the audience.]
George: Dinosaur! Grrrrr!
Stephen Mulhern: That's right, George! You've captured the hearts of the people, and now you have the opportunity to lead Peppa Pig World into a bright future.
[Boris Johnson just stands there disappointed.]
Boris Johnson: Well… it seems Peppa Pig World has spoken, I suppose. I wish George all the best in his mayoral role.
Stephen Mulhern: It really has been an eventful debate.
[The crowd continues cheering as George waves and snorts happily.]
Stephen Mulhern: That wraps up the 2023 Peppa Pig World Election. Thank you to our candidates, the audience, and all our viewers at home. Goodbye everyone! I’m going to Butlins.
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