Transcripts 1998-10

Transcripts from October 1998 strips.
==October 1==
Panel 1Text: HUNTING MADE EASYPanel 2Text: THIS WEEK: PHEASANTPanel 3Norman is speeding in a car straight toward a startled pheasant.Caption: Go for a drive in the country. Find a pheasant. Line it up between your headlights and put your foot down.
==October 5==
Panel 1Close-up of Richard's eye, with two bubbles floating nearby. Text is hand-written in all-caps.Richard: Oh crap! A hangover.Panel 2Richard is in bed with the covers up to his chest, and in his left hand is a traffic cone.Richard: ?Panel 3Richard is out of bed, in a dressing gown and still holding the traffic cone, and he has met up with Norman, who is brandishing a traffic signal.Richard (thinking): Normally I would ask what we did last night... but today I don't think I can handle the truth.Norman: A traffic cone? Is that all you got?
==October 7==
Panel 1Text: HUNTING MADE EASYTHIS WEEKFOXPanel 2Norman is sitting on the couch to the left side of the panel. The middle and right side are filled with a "SNAP!" sound effect and Richard's shout.Richard: YEHOW!Panel 3Richard is standing at the refrigerator holding his left arm, his left hand caught in a mousetrap.Richard: NORMAN! What's a *☹!@*&* mouse trap doing in the refrigerator!?!Off-panel (Norman): Don'no mate.
==October 9==
Panel 1Norman is sitting on the couch and picking at his finger with a large knife (dagger?). Richard is standing and facing him with one hand in his pocket and the other holding a small box.Text: BASED ON A TRUE STORY...Richard: Check it out Norman I got hold of the new version of IE4Norman: Bully for youPanel 2Richard has a mischievious grin on his face as he holds up a box that reads, "PC — MORE FREE CRAP."Richard: Don't get too excited Norman. This could speed up my access to the internet. It has a better cache system than Navigator 4 y'see.Panel 3Richard is sitting at the computer and fuming, while Norman stands behind him, grinning evilly.Text: SIX HOURS AND FIVE INSTALLS LATER...Norman: Let me guess... It shouldn't crash every time you boot-up.Richard: SHUT UP!
==October 12==
Panel 1Richard looks behind the couch to see Norman hiding there.Norman: They're going to get meRichard: Do we have to do this every day?Panel 2Same as panel 1, but the camera view is now from behind Richard.Richard: They're not going to get you NormanNorman (unseen): THEY ARE!Panel 3Richard turns off the television with a click. There is a lava lamp on top of the telly.Richard: *sigh* Okay Norman. The Teletubbies are gone now.
==October 14==
Panel 1Header: The S.S.D.D Cut-Out and Throw Away Guide to...SEACH ENGINESText: With the "World Wide Web" being so vast with obscure addresses pointing to sites, it's hard to find the information you want. What this vast sea of info needed was an index. A catalogue of sites and/or pages a user would want to look at. This job is filled by search engines. Many different services hold an index of the web that can be accessed by anyone for free (paid by advertising). The user has to simply type in words or phrases they want to look for, and the search engine looks for the best fits in it's catalogue and displays the results to the user.Panel 2Richard is sitting at the computer with large googly eyes and drool coming out of his mouth. He is wearing a "Bad Acid" shirt with a frowning face with its tongue sticking out.Dialogue balloon: F-R-E-E P-O-R-N [SUBMIT]Side panel: Because the World Wide Web has so much in it, the user could ask for anything....However, a lot of dirty little bastards seem content looking for one thing....
==October 16==
Panel 1Norman and Richard are playing cricket. Norman is holding a bat, and Richard is holding the ball. Norman has a smug, evil look on his face, while Richard is angry and shaking his fist.Richard: How many times have we played cricket?Panel 2Unknown wolf character is lying on the ground near the wicket, holding his crotch and wincing in pain.Off-panel (Richard): You know very well, when I say "Throw him a googly," I don't mean aim for them!
==October 19==
Panel 1Kingston and Richard are in a club with laser lights. Kingston is the bartender. Richard is leaning over the bar. In the background, a crowd is presumably dancing. Text is typed again but in all-caps.Richard: I'll have a flyerKingston: Sorry mate, fresh out.Panel 2Same scene, but Kingston is pointing down, while Richard has a hand in his pocket, leaning back from the bar. Someone in the crowd has thrown a bottle in the air.Kingston: Well I've got some Bud's down here if you wantRichard: Huh.. got anything stronger?Panel 3Kingston is filling a glass from a spigot. while Richard has a hand in his pocket, leaning back from the bar. Someone in the crowd has thrown an object in the air that has seemingly exploded in the laser light beam.Kingston: Sure, I've got tap waterRichard: Okay I'll have a glass of water.Kingston: That'll be a fiver
==October 22==
Panel 1Upper caption (handwritten): Run for your life, it's...Header (typed for the rest of the comic): HUNTING MADE EASYText: This week: TOURISTSPanel 2Unknown raccoon character with a straw hat and camera is walking along, passing a sign (reading "GIFT SHOP" and with a red arrow pointing to the right) taped to the wall. A refrigerator is falling toward his head, but he is blissfully unaware.Panel 3Norman is looking down from the top of a building with an evil grin on his face. A large "SMACK" sound effect fills the bottom of the panel.Caption: Forty feet up...Norman: That gift shop sign I put up pulls them in like moths to a candle flame.
==October 26==
Panel 1Unknown weasel(?) character is sitting at a table with two lines of cocaine and a razor blade on it. The weasel "SNORT!"s one of the lines through a straw.Panel 2Same scene, but the weasel is holding his nostril and shaking.Panel 3Norman and Richard are sitting on the couch, watching television. There is a lava lamp on top of the telly. Norman looks excited, while Richard is rolling his eyes.Norman: I like Blue Peter now.Telly: Next time you will need: a bottle, a bucket...
==October 29==
Panel 1Richard and Norman are standing near a lamppost with some houses silhouetted in the background. Richard is gesturing toward Norman, who is holding a Besco(?) bag and looking inside it with disgust.Richard: Well? What have we got?Norman: Half a Mars Bar, second hand gum, an apple full of razor blades and an old 50pPanel 2Close-up of Richard cringing as Norman's hand delicately holds up the apple with razor blades by the stem.Richard: Bloody hell! This gets worse every year! Why do we bother with Hallowe'en anyway?Off-panel (Norman): We don't. I don't see a costumePanel 3Richard and Norman walk along toward the left. Richard has a disgusted, angry face and his hands in his pockets. Norman, while also angry-looking, appears to be in more of a debate mode as he carries the bag in one hand and holds the other hand out in a contrary gesture.Richard: A costume? No thanks! I can think of cheaper ways to make a fool of myself!Norman: That's my point! Unlike the Americans the British lack the urge to make total prats of ourselves for some sweets. Plus, as a nation we find celebrating evil entities a bit on the iffy side.Panel 4Same as panel 3, but the camera angle is from behind them, and Norman has his gesticulating hand in his pocket.Richard: If we're so uptight about Hallowe'en why do we celebrate Guy-Fawkes?Norman: What's wrong with Bonfire Night?Panel 5Close-up of Richard again, such that he's facing right.Richard: Well if my memory serves me correctly, Guy-Fawkes is the celebration of the horrible end of a traitor who tried to blow up the houses of Parliament. When he was caught, he was tortured for weeks before he was hung draw, quartered and beheaded. His body was burned and his head was stuck on a pike on "Traitor's Gate" and left to rot.Panel 6Same as panel 4 but Richard has turned his head to look at Norman, and the camera is angled so to be able to see the sidewalk, a drain, and two full lampposts from top to bottom.Norman: Well he didn't try again, did he!Richard: Guess not.
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