My child is a YouTuber.

My child is a YouTuber. is season 2 episode 2 of I hate my child..
==Synopsis==
Zoltan makes a YouTube channel with Bot for money, but Golf sues them with the help of Aaron.
==Transcript==
[The episode begins with Zoltan watching a Friends clip on YouTube]
Ross: Joey please, I need your money to support Ben!
Joey: You need money for your child?
Ross: Yes, yes, yes! I’ll say it in Italian, oui!
[Laugh track, with Zoltan laughing too]
Joey: Then why don’t you exploit your child for YouTube views?
Ross: Joey it’s 1994
[Laugh track, the video ends]
Zoltan: Wow that sure was a very funny YouTube video of a clip from the TV series Friends.
[Someone knocks on the door, and Zoltan opens it and sees Mr. Goodman, the tax collector from SML]
Mr. Goodman: YOU!
[Zoltan beats Mr. Goodman to death and eats the body]
Zoltan: Damn, I really need to find a way to make more money.
Bot: Hey father, what happened to that poor fellow?
Zoltan: Do not worry about him, my daughter, he was simply a silly peasant whom does not understand that we are in a bad financial situation right now.
Bot: Get a job.
Zoltan: no u
Bot: Sorry, I can’t, I am too busy pirating music.
Zoltan: Pirating music? But that’s a crime!
Bot: you just beat a man to death
Zoltan: That was necessary. Besides, what job can I get? I’m on several government watchlists.
Cactus: I know a way many criminals make money. Perhaps you should be a musician.
Zoltan: Well that’s a wonderful idea. However, I have no taste in music.
Cactus: It’s okay, I’m just a talking cactus who fought in the war…
Crazy: o
Zoltan: Shut up stupid dog CrazySponge
Crazy: (dies)
Zoltan: Welp, I’ll go back to watching Friends on… Wait, maybe I could become a YouTuber! They make lots of money while not doing anything substantial!
Bot: What would you even make videos on?
Zoltan: I don’t know, I could make some on like… Breaking Bad or something?
Bot: Breaking Bad sucks.
Zoltan: Okay, then, maybe… Better Call Saul?
Bot: bruh
Zoltan: Wait, don’t you play video games? I could use that footage and upload it.
Bot: I guess that could happen, but I doubt people would want to watch someone play video games without any commentary.
Zoltan: Okay, is there any other way I could exploit you?
Bot: you what
Cactus: Why don’t you make one of those family vlog channel things?
Zoltan: Well frankly that’s a great idea! Thank you, talking cactus!
Cactus: i miss my wife
[Cut to Aaron entering his house]
Aaron: Well Golf, call me Lawfellow because I have just graduated law school!
Golf: What? How long have you been going to law school?
Aaron: Golf, I have been going to law school since 1969.
Prim: Woah that was like 87 years ago.
Aaron: I guess I am an Oldfellow.
Golf: Well what do you plan on doing now?
Aaron: Absolutely nothing.
Golf: Isn’t that… Unproductive?
Aaron: Nah, eventually someone will desperately need a lawyer and call me.
Golf: Unbelievable. 
Prim: Do you guys like Garfield?
Golf: Of course not, the only thing I like is economics. However, I must focus right now on getting a good amount of vitamin D.
Prim: Vitamin deez nu-
[Cut to Golf outside sunbathing]
Golf: Wow, this is great! I get to see our garden full of strawberries, and I can spy on my neighbors!
[Golf gets his binoculars out]
Golf: Let’s see what they’re up to!
[Cut to the inside of Zoltan’s house, where Zoltan is recording Bot in front of some boxes]
Zoltan: So, Bot, tell us what you think is in those boxes!
Bot: They look dusty. Did you find these in the attic?
Zoltan: Now it’s time for you to open them! That’s called an opening.
Bot: Ah, yes. [opens the first box, finding a Fortnite toy] A Fortnite toy? Aren’t these Crazy- I mean, this is amazing! It looks like the real Fortnite thing.
Zoltan: Yes, yes, good job Bot! Now open the other one.
Bot: I don’t know dad, you’ve been seeming sus lately. It’s almost like we have an impostor among us.
Zoltan: If you don’t shut up I will put you up for adoption. Please cut that part out.
Bot: Okay, fine, I will open it. [opens the other box] Huh, it’s empty.
Zoltan: It’s what? That’s impossible, I-
Bot: Oh I mean uhhh wow this one is so cool you guys have to smash that like button and if we get to 5 million likes we will reveal it!
Zoltan: Yeah sure, give us money, Epic Games. And YouTube!
[Cut back to Golf looking at them through his binoculars]
Golf: OH MY GOODNESS. This is child exploitation of the highest order! And what’s worse, they are promoting those damned video games.
[Prim walks out to Golf]
Prim: Hey Golf, have you found anything interesting?
Golf: You won’t believe this, Zoltan and his child who I forgot the name of are promoting video games!
Prim: ok
Golf: And also, Zoltan is exploiting his child!
Prim: What’s your point here?
Golf: We need to get them to stop right now!
Prim: Nah, I’m too lazy.
Golf: Fine, I’ll get my best buddy to help!
[Golf gets his phone out and calls up Elon Musk]
Golf: Elon, you gotta help me!
Elon: Golf, me and Paul are kinda doing something right now…
Golf: Paul?
Elon: Paul Renaud, your buddy!
Golf: Oh, that’s okay. [hangs up] Well then I will get Aaron, for the glory of this nation!
[Cut to Zoltan stopping his camera]
Bot: Well that was awful. Anyways, I will go watch the British prime minister say funny things on TV.
Zoltan: Oh, we're not done yet! We need to edit in flashing colors and memes!
Bot: Get Crazy on that or something.
Zoltan: You know what, I will!
[Cut to Crazy editing the video]
Crazy: You want me to do what?
Zoltan: Just add some colors and memes so the kids will be entertained.
Crazy: Like, what kind of memes?
Zoltan: I don’t know, I’m not hip with the kids, just add like Better Call Saul or something.
Crazy: I will get paid for this, right?
Zoltan: Uhh… Good job Crazy! Just upload it to YouTube and we’re done for today!
Crazy: But what about-
[Zoltan crushes Crazy]
Zoltan: And I’m gonna go outside now.
[Zoltan opens the door to find Golf and Aaron standing there, menacingly]
Golf: STOP RIGHT HERE!
Zoltan: I wasn’t pirating anything!
Golf: No, you were doing something worse, with your child!
Zoltan: She was not cranking the soulja boy!
Golf: No, you were exploiting her!
Zoltan: Well yes, but I don’t see how you come into this.
Golf: I must stop this heinous act!
Zoltan: When have you ever cared about children?
Golf: Never! I just don’t want you two to promote video games.
Zoltan: Ah, that explains it.
Aaron: Golf, I don’t think this quite counts as child abuse.
Golf: How is forcing a child to open these unproductive toys not count? It’s the worst kind of torture!
Aaron: Whatever you say, Mr. Pecks.
Golf: I will unalive your wife. I will unalive your son. I will unalive your infant daughter.
Aaron: I don’t even have those.
Golf: You come with me, Aaron! We’re going to court, and you will be my lawyer!
Aaron: Well I guess going to law school paid off.
Zoltan: I’m not going to court! This case is so weak! I will obviously win!
Golf: You won’t! You have committed several other crimes and are on several government watchlists!
Zoltan: Not if I get the greatest lawyer in the world!
[Cut to Zoltan researching on Foogle]
Zoltan: Dammit, I can’t find anyone cheap…What’s this ad?
[Zoltan clicks on an ad, which shows a green screen of the US constitution as the background. A man with the nametag “NotJoe” appears].
NotJoe: Hi, I’m NotJoe, did you know that you have rights? The constitution says you do, and so do I! Another name you might know me as is the Darn Law Guy. I'm quite a meme but I'm fly. I was nicknamed “The Bull” in law school, because I was always lawyering. Actually I’m still lawyering, and you could hire me as your lawyer! Well I’m gonna start jacking off. Tell me when I can be at your service.
Zoltan: ough im cumfellowing replace this with something else
Bot: Hey dad, what are you watching?
Zoltan: Bot, you won’t believe this! We can get a good lawyer! His name is NotJoe!
Bot: Wait, so then what is his name?
Zoltan: NotJoe.
Bot: That’s confusing.
Zoltan: I don’t care, we are going to win this case!
Cactus: I don’t know if this NotJoe person is trustable. I bet he’s Joe.
Zoltan: Nah, this Darn Law Guy sounds pretty rad.
Cactus: Sure…
Zoltan: Yes, be sure. I am so sure that I am going to hire him right now.
[Zoltan enters crucial personal information]
Zoltan: Okay, I am going to meet him later today.
Crazy: Hey guys I'm ba-
[Crazy gets crushed by House; cut to Zoltan entering a room full of lawyer things idk]
NotJoe: Hey, wassup.
Zoltan: Oh hey NotJoe, I was thinking we could discuss this law stuff because I am getting sued.
NotJoe: Oh, you're Zoltan. I thought you were a jew user.
Zoltan: A what?
NotJoe: Not important. Anyway, why are you getting sued?
Zoltan: I don't know, like child abuse I think.
NotJoe: Oh, classic!
Zoltan: So, do you think you can help me win this case?
NotJoe: Of course! I'm a great lawyer! And even if I don't succeed at first, I have a secret weapon…
Zoltan: Thank God.
NotJoe: No problem mortal fool.
[Cut to Golf and Aaron arguing]
Aaron: Golf, this is the stupidest idea you have ever had! Zoltan just wanted a quick way to make money, I don't think that's a crime.
Golf: No, we're doing this! We will get Zoltan and his crooked family out of this neighborhood!
Aaron: Can't we do that like tomorrow? I'm a bit busy with not having sex.
Golf: GREAT TIMING. TOMORROW IS A HOLIDAY FOR ME. WAIT, NO, THERE ARE NO HOLIDAYS FROM PRODUCTIVITY.
Aaron: You are more confusing than Jon Auer.
Golf: We're doing this now. Let's go to the court.
Prim: Can I come as well? We ran out of lasagnas and I already read the latest Garfield comic.
Aaron: Uh sure, just don't make a mess. 
Prim: yay
[They all walk off; cut to Zoltan, Bot, Crazy and Cactus all dressed in nice clothing outside the courtroom]
Zoltan: Okay gang, NotJoe could be here any minute now.
Bot: Doesn't this seem like too much stuff?
Zoltan: Maybe you are right, daughter. Jk lol.
Cactus: Why did you even take me to the court? I'm just a cactus.
Zoltan: Weren't you the one who suggested this whole YouTube thing?
Cactus: Nah duder.
Crazy: Guys have you played the latest Zelda game? It's kind of cool.
[NotJoe arrives to the courtroom in a bus, which has “The Patch Bus” written on it]
NotJoe: Hey guys! How are you doing?
Zoltan: Ay, Nutjob! I mean, NotJoe! What’s a patch bus?
NotJoe: The judge is the one who asks questions.
Bot: …I don’t think that’s right…
[Golf, Aaron and Prim arrive]
Zoltan: Well, if it isn’t old man Pingu!
Golf: Evening, Zoltan. You’re looking good, especially for a child abuser.
Zoltan: Well Golfpecks, I got the best lawyer in the world: Saul Goo- actually uh… what's your name again?
NotJoe: Michael.
Zoltan: Ah, yes. He will help me.
Golf: He looks like a person who would make an alternative account.
Zoltan: Don't be silly, Pecks! Anyways, let's get trialing.
[The trial starts]
The Judge from SML: Well, what’s up Golf and his radical pancreas loving buddy Adolf?
Aaron: Aaron.
Judge: Well Golf, you are definitely going to win this case as you bribed me.
Golf: Haha, what a silly joke Mr. Judge.
Judge: And now for the opposition, Zoltan and his child whom he hates.
Zoltan: hi owo
Bot: None of that please.
Judge: And of course, how could I forget about their pets! On Golf's side is Prim, the fat orange cat, and the Augers have Crazy, the gay green dog.
Cactus: bruh did you really forget about me
Judge: Did that cactus just talk? Is that the lawyer?
Zoltan: Of course not! Our lawyer is…uh…where is our lawyer.
[Cut to NotJoe smoking weed outside the courtroom]
NotJoe: only time to bro let's weed weed smokeing
[SpongeFan walks into the court as there is applause]
SpongeFan: Oh hi, lawyer guy! I saw you in an ad once! Who are you helping today?
NotJoe: Some guy called Zoltan.
SpongeFan: Whoa, what a coincidence! I'm going to that trial as well!
NotJoe: Awesome, when is it starting?
SpongeFan: Approximately 5 minutes ago.
NotJoe: Oh dear, LOL!
[Cut to NotJoe entering the courtroom]
NotJoe: So uh… Big Chungus?
Judge: Welcome, Not Joseph.
NotJoe: Yeah, I'm here to do whatever my master asks for.
Zoltan: Can we start already?
[Cut to the back of the courtroom]
Travis: Haha lol Zoltan is so fat
Liz: Wait, where's Mr. Renaud?
SpongeFan: He couldn't come as he is sick.
Liz: Sure…
Travis: He's probably with Elon Musk again.
[Cut back to the main thing you know]
Bot: Jeez, they’re here?
Judge: ORDER IN THE COURT! Let’s start off with the suing party.
Aaron: Your honor, Mr. Pecks here has always been a law abiding citizen. Fellow, if you will. He has always considered the law to be mankind’s greatest invention, a heroic institution fighting against the perversities of the modern world, such as Kanye West. As a devout Christian, he has always loved his neighbors, the Auger family. That’s why he was deeply shocked and appalled once he spotted Zoltan, the father and breadwinner of the family, filming a video for YouTube. As horrible as it may seem, Zoltan was exploiting his daughter for YouTube views. Little old Bot was just a way to make money, as she was forced to open boxes of toys, promoting unproductive parts of society, such as video games. 
[Aaron grabs a pc]
Aaron: May the whole court see this video, as uploaded to YouTube by Zoltan’s Ass, his channel.
[As the video starts with a 2016 intro, Zoltan talks to Crazy]
Zoltan: CRAZY!!! Why would you upload the video after we were sued?!
Crazy: I wanted to test my editing for my Box Productions announcements.
Zoltan: We’re doomed. I’m doomed!
NotJoe: Don’t worry Mr. Ogre, we’ve got this in the bag. Just let me spit my law bars. Or you’ll end up behind bars.
Zoltan: Jesus Christ.
Judge: That’s enough, Mr. Aaron/Aaron/Lawfellow.
Aaron: Lawfellow is good. I think this video makes it pretty clear that Bot did not want to be involved in these videos.
Judge: Okay, Mr. Pecks, do you have anything you want to add?
Golf: Zoltan is a bitch-ass motherfucker. He pissed on my fucking cat!
Zoltan: It was a one time thing!
Judge: Let Mr. Pecks talk.
Golf: And also, he abuses his daughter Bart!
Zoltan: Yeah, but that's-
Judge: SHUT THE HELL UP!!! Let’s see what the defense has to say.
NotJoe: Your honor, I call Bot Auger to the stand.
Bot: Me?
Judge: Um, okay.
[Bot walks to the stand]
NotJoe: Hello Bot. I believe you have the information to completely seal this case in our favor, giving me money. So tell us: were you a willing participant in the filming of the YouTube video that was shown to the court?
Bot: Uh… Do I say yes?
NotJoe: Bot, please, you don’t want my reputation to get ruined!
Bot: Uh… Of course! I was completely willing.
Judge: Aight. So I guess they’re… Not guilty.
Aaron: Mr. Judge, how can you say such a silly thing?
Golf: Yeah, he forcefilmed a YouTube video with her!
Judge: Bro it’s just Fortnite toys. And also that happens quite a lot. It’s actually pretty normal.
Golf: No… Nothing is normal about him! He has done many awful things in the previous episodes that you should read!
Judge: Nah, I don’t feel like it.
Aaron: WAIT! Your honor, I call Liz and Travis to the stand.
[Liz and Travis go to the stand]
Aaron: Ms. Price, Mr. Penile, why don’t you tell the judge about a certain day where you went to the forest with Mr. Auger and his daughter?
Travis: Ah, good times.
Liz: No….
Travis: It was a dark and stormy night…
[Cutaway to My child is missing.]
Bot: Dad, can I go to Wogonana forest with Travis and Liz?
[The cutaway is interrupted by the Judge]
Judge: No, we're already at page 12, we don't have time for cutaways.
Golf: Well whatever, it's obvious that Zoltan is a horrible father and he should be moved to Rwanda.
Judge: Okie.
NotJoe: Wait, you haven't even heard all my arguments!
Judge: I don't get paid enough for this.
NotJoe: In Season 1 Episode 3: My child is a criminal. it's very clear that when Bot was arrested for piracy Zoltan was clearly very sad without her, and was clearly a very great father who was going to bail her out. I mean just listen to what Zoltan said in this episode: “I MISS BOT! I MISS BOT! I WOULD BAIL HER OUT…...BUT THAT STUPID KID SPENT ALL OF MY MONEY! [sobs more, and runs off to the bathroom, where he starts speaking to himself in the mirror] I feel a void in my heart where Bot used to be. Someone I could release my frustrations onto. Someone I could teach my wide array of life experience and knowledge. Someone who, no matter what garbage I was on about, she always listened.”
Judge: Yeah, I was going to say you weren’t guilty but you talked so much and I don't really care. Zoltan is guilty and he is getting a life sentence while his child goes to an orphanage and Crazy and Cactus get set free.
Zoltan: This is worse than the time Jesse poopfellowed his pants!
[Cutaway to that]
Jesse: yo mistah white i just poopfellowed my pants fr
Walter: oh no jesse thats not good your breaking bad!!!!!!!!!!!!! (turns into hot furry ken stringfellow with abs) woof woof! awooga children also trump is our true president!
Jesse: wait mistah white what do we do with our child sex trafficking ring?????? fr?????
Walter: we keep it jesse pikmin actually no we sell it to dreamosuar rob! anyways let me take control of youre anus fr!!!! 
Crazy: Helo i am crazysponge i like CUM and DICKS fr........ 
[then kanye west and elon musk have gay!!! 😳😳😳😳]
elon musker: i want you to cumfellow in my mouth fr!!!
Kanye: Ok bae ❣️(has butt sex) 
[andrew tate cums in and does the epic child p*rn dance; cut back]
Judge: What is wrong with you guys?
NotJoe: Well, I still have one point left, Mr. Judge.
Judge: And what is it?
NotJoe: Well, I need to have my buddy Joe here for that.
Judge: But I thought you were… Whatever, who's Joe?
NotJoe: JOE MAMA
[This combination of words is so strong that a great amount of wind flies directly into the face of the judge, and it is so strong that it rips his skin off, leaving blood behind everywhere, and his skull starts smashing into the table over and over until the blood clearly spells out "Not Guilty." Golf sees this and starts crying as he falls to the ground]
Golf: He can't keep getting away with this!
Bot: Wow, thanks a lot, NotJoe!
NotJoe: Well, they don't call me DeathToAllJews for nothing!
[Awkward silence]
Zoltan: Well, I think we all learnt an important lesson today.
Bot: That you shouldn't exploit your children?
Zoltan: Nah, just put some blinds on your windows.
[They all leave with laughter, cut to later that night where Golf is still on the ground with Aaron and Prim standing next to him]
Aaron: Golf, I think it's about time we go home.
[Suddenly Mr. Renaud enters]
Mr. Renaud: Hey, I'm back from my fun times with Musk! I hope I didn't miss the trial!
[The episode ends]
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