Stupid Love

Stupid Love is the fourth episode of Six on the Beach, and a special.
== Synopsis ==
Patrick realises he has never been in love before and, to the surprise of literally everyone, gets a girlfriend. Squidward reunites with an old friend.
== Transcript ==
[Open with SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward, Sandy, Mr. Krabs and Pearl on a miniature golf course. Pearl is in the corner texting someone on her phone. Mr. Krabs, who is wearing a golf uniform, is showing SpongeBob how to swing a putter.]
Mr. Krabs: You see me boy, hitting this ball here into that hole there is a lot harder than it looks.
SpongeBob: Gee, I didn't know a dumbed down version of golf was so complicated.
Mr. Krabs: Not once you get the hang of it, me boy! You see, it's all in the hips-
Squidward: Ugh, can't we just hit the ball already?!
Mr. Krabs: (rolls eyes and sighs) You're no fun.
[Mr. Krabs hits the ball and it gets stuck it a tunnel.]
Mr. Krabs: Agh! I would have gotten a hole-in-one if you hadn't put me off, Mr. Squidward! I was a bit of an expert back in me prime!
Squidward: (groans and whispers to SpongeBob) Go easy on him before throws a tantrum, alright?
Mr. Krabs: Your turn, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: I'm ready!
[SpongeBob tries to line the ball up with the hole.]
SpongeBob: Steady now, steady… and go!
[SpongeBob hits the ball and flies off into the distance, way past the hole.]
Mr. Krabs: (laughs) Sorry, SpongeBob! Nice try though.
SpongeBob: I believe the ball hasn't landed yet.
Mr. Krabs: Huh?
[The ball hits a tree and starts zooming back towards SpongeBob.]
Mr. Krabs: WHAT THE-
[The ball whacks Pearl in the head and falls perfectly into the hole.]
Pearl: Ow!
SpongeBob: Yay! I did it, Mr. Krabs!
[Mr. Krabs throws his putter down and storms off towards Pearl.]
Mr. Krabs: This is a stupid game anyway. You alright me darling daughter?
Pearl: Yeah, I'm fine, but my phone isn't!
[Pearl shows him her phone, which now has a large crack in it.]
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! This is coming out of your paycheck!
SpongeBob: Sorry, Pearl.
Pearl: (sigh) It's okay.
Mr. Krabs: Who were you texting on there, anyway?
Pearl: Oh, no one.
Mr. Krabs: Come on, you can tell your old man.
[Pearl blushes.]
Pearl: Okay, he's my… (smirks) boyfriend.
Mr. Krabs: Boyfriend? (laughs) That's my girl! You didn't tell me you were dating anyone!
Pearl: I… don't tell you lots of things.
Patrick: Is he hot?
Mr. Krabs: Hey, leave off, okay?!
Squidward: Ah, I remember my high school years. Being young and in love… besides a couple people I haven't really dated anyone since.
SpongeBob: What about Squilvia?
Squidward: She was alright I guess, we just didn't get along.
Sandy: Remember that time you got married to money, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: Yeah! And it turned out to be Plankton?! 
(The group laughs.)
Sandy: That's kinda messed up really.
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, I really should have seen it coming to be honest.
Sandy: Have you ever dated anyone, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Who? Me? (laughs) Oh, I guess I just haven't found anybody. I've had plenty of crushes though… what about you, Patrick?
Patrick: What now?
Sandy: Have you ever been in love?
Patrick: What is love?
Mr. Krabs: Baby don't hurt me.
Patrick: Don't hurt me?
Mr. Krabs: No more.
Patrick: I don't get it.
SpongeBob: Love is… well, love is all kinds of things! I love jellyfishing, I love my job at The Krusty Krab, I love Squidward-
Squidward: We're talking about romance, SpongeBob.
Patrick: I'm still confused.
Sandy: You know, when you find someone else with mutual interests and decide to share your life with them?
Squidward: I thought it was to do with hormones.
Patrick: I… I guess I've never been in love before.
Pearl: Never?! You've really never been in love?!
Patrick: I… don't think so.
Pearl: That's… quite sad actually. I'm glad I'm not you.
SpongeBob: Surely you've at least had a crush on someone once though?
Patrick: I've crushed Squidward several times before.
Squidward: Yeah, you still owe me the hospital bill.
Sandy: There's this new speed dating thing back at the holiday resort! We should check it out! You know, just for fun. Squidward, SpongeBob, Patrick and I are all single, right?
Squidward: Unfortunately. I guess speed dating could be fun.
SpongeBob: I'm in! Are you coming, Patrick?
Patrick: (looking down to the ground)  ...love.
[Cut to SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward and Sandy entering a hall at the resort where the speed dating is being held.]
Sandy: Well, here we are.
Squidward: This will be a laugh. No one can resist the charms of one Squidward Quincy Tentacles!
Patrick: L- love…
SpongeBob: What are we waiting for guys? Let's go!
[The four run off into the hall. Fatboy Slim's Weapon of Choice plays as we see a montage of the group at tables with potential matches. Cut to SpongeBob sitting with a fish.]
SpongeBob: So what's your favourite colour?
Fish: Uh… purple?
SpongeBob: Mine's beige.
Fish: Tartar sauce! I'm making a bad impression already!
[Cut to Squidward at a table playing his clarinet. The woman opposite is covering her ears.]
Fish: Make it stop! Make it stop!
[Cut to Sandy at a table with a guy.]
 
Fish: Uh, yeah, I'm not really into that kind of stuff.
Sandy: Nonsense! It's just the process used by plants and other organisms to convert light energy into chemical energy that, through cellular respiration, can later be released to fuel the organism's metabolic activities.
Fish: Yeah sorry, I just don't think a relationship would work out with someone who… doesn't speak English.
[He gets up and walks off.]
Sandy: It's just photosynthesis!!!!
[Cut to SpongeBob at a table with another guy.]
SpongeBob: You like Jellyfishing? I like Jellyfishing. Jellyfishing is the best. One time I almost caught this really big one, but it got away. (laughs)
[Cut to Squidward at a table with someone else.]
Squidward: Hey, is that a Kelpy G shirt! I'm his biggest fan!
Fish: Oh, this? I'm just wearing it because my other clothes are in the wash.
Squidward: Oh…
Fish: Hey have you heard XXXTentacles?
[Cut to SpongeBob at a table with someone else.]
SpongeBob: -and then we freed everyone's souls, defeated El Diablo and saved the Gulch!
Fish: You're trippy, bro.
SpongeBob: Uh, thank you, I guess.
[Cut back to Squidward at the same table as earlier.]
Squidward: Well by me saying I haven't heard of XXXTentacles I meant I haven't… heard his music recently, yeah. I just guess I prefer, you know, classical stuff!
Fish: Ew, that stuff's boring. You really should check out Elliott Fish.
Squidward: Oh, you thought I was serious? (fakes a laugh) Nah, I hate classical music! I was joking, yeah. Elliott Fish slaps, dude.
[Cut to Sandy at a table with someone. SpongeBob approaches her.]
SpongeBob: You having any luck, Sandy?
Sandy: Nah, not really. But it's keeping us occupied.
SpongeBob: Have you seen Patrick?
Sandy: Huh, now that you mention it I think I saw him heading towards the exit.
SpongeBob: Thanks, I might head out if that's alright.
Sandy: Of course.
Fish: Ahem. You didn't tell me you were already dating someone!
[The fish slaps Sandy and walks off.]
Sandy: No! Wait! I'm not dating him! Ugh, stupid shippers.
[Cut to Patrick walking towards the entertainment lounge with his head down to the floor. SpongeBob runs and catches up to him.]
SpongeBob: Patrick!
Patrick: Oh, hi SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: What's the matter? Don't you wanna stay at the speed dating and get all loved up?
Patrick: (sigh) It doesn't matter what I do, I just push everyone away! I don't get it! I know the inner machinations of my mind are an enigma, but surely someone's got to like me!
SpongeBob: Oh Patrick, it's just a bit of fun! I wasn't taking it seriously.
Patrick: Yeah, but when we were at the golf course talking about loafs, it made me sad because I've never been in a load before!
SpongeBob: You mean you've never been in love?
Patrick: Yeah, that too.
SpongeBob: I'm sure you'll find someone eventually. I guess for now we'll just have to stay single together. We could be bachelor buddies! (laughs)
Patrick: I guess that's fine. Can we go see Crackodile show?
SpongeBob: Sure, buddy.
[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick in the cabaret watching the kids' show Carl the Crackodile is on stage with Patty the Pirate.]
Carl the Crackodile: Wait, the treasure chest is empty!
Patty the Pirate: So there's no treasure? I guess we came all this way for nothing.
Carl the Crackodile: Don't say that, Patty! Maybe the real treasure was the friends we made along the way.
[A tear falls from SpongeBob's eye as he watches the show.]
SpongeBob: I love this crocodile.
Patrick: (sigh) Love...
[The screen splits into two where we see SpongeBob and Patrick in the cabaret, and Squidward is sitting at a table by himself back at the speed dating. A shadow approaches both tables and a hand touches Patrick and Squidward's shoulders.]
??? & ???: Hey.
[The beginning of Let's Get It On plays as the two look over to see the person standing there. Patrick is looking at a nerdy pufferfish wearing glasses and a Carl the Crackodile shirt. Squidward looks over to see another squid looking much like him, except he looks a lot less grumpy and his face is more polished. The split-screen ends.]
Patrick: (giggles) You're pretty.
???: (nervous laugh) Well, uh… so are you.
[The two laugh for a few seconds.]
???: M- my name's Evelyn.
Patrick: I'm 24. 
Evelyn: (giggles) That's a nice name.
Patrick: Yeah. 
[Awkward pause.]
Patrick: You have a nice forehead.
Evelyn: Uh… thanks.
[Cut back to the stage.]
Carl the Crackodile: Wow! That was some adventure alright! And now that we've saved the day and learned the true meaning of friendship, there's only one thing left to do!
[An obnoxious childrens' song about a young shark begins playing.]
Carl the Crackodile: Boogie! Come on, I wanna see everyone up on your feet!
Evelyn: Heh. You… wanna dance?
Patrick: I, uh, I'm not very good at dancing.
Evelyn: (laughs) Everyone can dance! Come on!
Patrick: Uh, okay.
[Evelyn grabs Patrick's hand and leads him to the dancefloor. They both start badly dancing to the song.]
SpongeBob: Huh, I don't believe that. Patrick actually found love. I'm so happy for him.
[Cut to the RV, the next day.]
Mr. Krabs: (laughs) Patrick? Girlfriend? (laughs) I'll believe it when I see it.
SpongeBob: It's true! They met when we were watching Carl the Crackodile!
Pearl: I guess she's probably just as dumb as he is then!
SpongeBob: Hey! Patrick's not dumb!
[Mr. Krabs and Pearl continue laughing.]
Patrick: Well, uh, (stomps his foot) you're just jealous because you haven't met someone as pretty as her in your lives!
Sandy: Well I think it's wonderful Patrick finally found love. What's her name?
Patrick: Uh… I think it's… "Eviling" or something?
Mr. Krabs: "Eviling"? What kind of name is that?
Patrick: I dunno but it's the prettiest name in the whole sea and I'd give up anything for her!
[Someone knocks at the door. Mr. Krabs answers.]
Evelyn: Oh sorry, wrong RV.
[Patrick rushes towards the door.]
Patrick: Eviling!
Evelyn: 24!
Mr. Krabs: Well I'll be damned.
Evelyn: You ready for our date?
Patrick: Of course!
SpongeBob: Oh, I'll just get my coat!
Patrick: Oh, uh, SpongeBob? This is kind of a, uh, just us two thing. So, uh… yeah. Sorry.
SpongeBob: Oh, okay. I understand. We can play later though, right?
Patrick: Sure, whatever. Come on now, honey.
Evelyn: (giggles) Stop it, you!
SpongeBob: Okay, bye! If you're not back I'll see you at Carl the Crac- he's gone.
[The two happily walk off. Mr. Krabs, Pearl and Sandy blankly stare in astonishment.]
Mr. Krabs: Just to be clear, everyone else saw that, right?
Pearl: Uh-huh.
[After a pause, Mr. Krabs and Pearl resume hysterically laughing.]
Mr. Krabs: Patrick??? Date??? (laughs)
Pearl: Yeah! (laughs) The only thing weirder than that would be that grumpy old Squidward getting a date!
Mr. Krabs: You mean Mr. Squidward? (laughs) Yeah he'd never-
[Squidward walks in with the same squid from earlier.]
Squidward: Good morning.
[Mr. Krabs faints. Cut to Mr. Krabs waking up on the couch.]
Mr. Krabs: Ugh, where am I?
[He looks up to find Squidward, the other squid, SpongeBob, Sandy and Pearl all laughing and talking at the table.]
Pearl: Oh Squidam, you are so funny!
Squidam: Aw, don't say that!
[Mr. Krabs walks up to them.]
Mr. Krabs: Wh- what's going on?
Squidward: Oh, Eugene, meet my old high school boyfriend Squidam.
Squidam: Hi.
Squidward: I was at his RV last night. Sandy should have mentioned.
Sandy: Oh, sorry, I forgot.
Mr. Krabs: Uh, hello. You are all seeing this too, right?
Pearl: Yeah, he's a really nice guy actually.
Squidam: Seriously stop with the flattery, girl.
Pearl: I can't help it! It's true!
Squidam: Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Krabs. Squidward has told me… some things about you.
Squidward: Heh, uh, that might not be appropriate to bring up right now, Squidam.
Mr. Krabs: Oh please, I'm all ears. I don't believe it. Patrick and Squidward both have dates?
Squidward: Well, uh, I wouldn't call it a date.
Squidam: Yeah, uh, just two old friends just happening to be at the same place at the same time! Heh.
Squidward: Wait, Patrick has a date? (laughs) You're joking, right?
SpongeBob: No, he's out with her right now actually.
Squidward: Well, uh… good for him I guess.
Mr. Krabs: So Squidam, what are you doing here?
Squidam: Oh, I come here annually. To be completely honest I'd rather be literally anywhere else but my music career hasn't really taken off so this is fine for now. 
Squidward: But if you weren't here you wouldn't have met me again, right?
Squidam: Of course!
[The two laugh.]
Sandy: So you're a musician like Squidward?
Squidam: I mean I release some stuff online on Cubify and Claricamp-
Sandy: Oh cool.
Squidam: I don't get many listeners really but it will take off soon, trust me.
[Mr. Krabs whispers to Pearl.]
Mr. Krabs: (rolls eyes) Those two really are perfect for each other, aren't they?
Pearl: Uh-huh.
Mr. Krabs: You know what? Since we have two new members of the extended Krabs family, how about we invite them both to dinner tonight?
Squidward: Actually Squidam and I were planning to-
Mr. Krabs: Nonsense! Stay here with us, we'll cook up some Krabby Patties or something, it'll be a blast!
SpongeBob: Well I'm down.
Sandy: Sounds good to me.
Pearl: I don't really have a choice.
Squidam: What do you think, 'Ward?
Squidward: Well I mean if you-
Squidam: Great! We'll be there.
Mr. Krabs: Perfect!
[We see a montage of Patrick and Evelyn's date. Accidentally In Love starts playing. The two are playing volleyball on the beach. Evelyn shacks the ball across the net and Patrick falls over into the sand. Evelyn helps him up and the two laugh. Cut to the two walking around a park.]
Patrick: 🎵So she said "What's the problem baby"?🎵
Evelyn: 🎵What's the problem?🎵
Patrick: 🎵I dunno, well, maybe I'm in love🎵
Evelyn: 🎵Love🎵
[They come across a children's playground and run towards it.]
Patrick: 🎵Think about it every time I think about it, can't stop thinking 'bout it🎵
[Cut to the two spinning around a roundabout.]
Evelyn: 🎵How much longer will it take to cure this? Just to cure it cause I can't ignore it if it's love🎵
Patrick: 🎵Love🎵
[Cut to the two swinging on a pair of swings. A child patiently watches waiting for his turn.]
Evelyn: 🎵Makes me wanna turn around and face me🎵
[Cut to the two outside the holiday resort calling a taxi.]
Patrick: 🎵But I don't know nothing 'bout love🎵
[Cut to the two in the taxi riding downtown.]
Patrick: 🎵Come on, come on! Turn a little faster!🎵
[Patrick's singing causes the driver to crash into a building. Patrick and Evelyn get out and run off.]
Evelyn: 🎵Come on, come on! The world will follow after!🎵
Patrick: 🎵'Cause everybody's after love🎵
[We see Squidward and Squilliam sitting on a park bench eating sandwiches.]
Squidam: 🎵So I said I'm a snowball running🎵
Squidward: 🎵Running down into the spring that's coming all this love🎵
[Cut to the two sunbathing on the beach.]
Squidam: 🎵Melting under blue skies🎵
Squidam: 🎵Belting out sunlight🎵
Squidward: 🎵Shimmering love🎵
[Cut to the two walking up to an ice cream van.]
Squidward: 🎵Well baby I surrender🎵
[A penguin in an air-suit like Sandy's give them both strawberry ice cream cones.]
Squidam: 🎵To the strawberry ice cream🎵
Squidward: 🎵Never ever end of all this love🎵
[Cut the taxi driver being arrested by the police for crashing the taxi.]
Taxi Driver: 🎵Well I didn't mean to do it🎵
[Cut to Patrick and Evelyn watching the sun go down on the beach.]
Evelyn: 🎵But there's no escaping your love, these lines of lightning mean we're never alone🎵
Patrick: 🎵Never alone, no, no🎵
Both: 🎵We're accidentally in love🎵
[The song fades out and the two go to make out, but SpongeBob runs towards them and they suddenly stop in embarrassment.]
SpongeBob: Patrick! Patrick! There you are!
Evelyn: Uh, we weren't just about to do anything.
Patrick: Yeah, we definitely weren't weren't going to kiss.
SpongeBob: You said "weren't" twice.
Patrick: Tartar sauce! I'm terrible at lying.
SpongeBob: You stood me up at the Carl the Crackodile show! Were you here the entire time!
Patrick: Yeah, I was with my girlfriend all day! What's it to you?
SpongeBob: We- (sigh) ...we always watch it together, Patrick.
Patrick: Well I've got bigger priorities now, SpongeBob. I'm… in love. You wouldn't know what it's like.
Evelyn: We missed the Crackodile show? (sigh) We could have all gone together.
SpongeBob: It's alright, I understand. Anyway, do you wanna come back to the RV with me for that dinner thing?
Evelyn: Oh, yeah, you told us earlier! I've been looking forward to it all day. Just think, our first dinner together, Patrick!
[The two laugh. Cut to everyone outside the RV, either sitting on deck chairs or standing around talking. Sandy approaches Evelyn.]
Sandy: So you're Patrick's girlfriend, right?
Evelyn: Heh, sure, it's not that big of a deal.
Sandy: Oh, it is! Patrick is… an odd fellow to say the least. It was just yesterday he got upset that he hadn't found love yet.
Evelyn: Really?
Sandy: Yeah! And then he met you. It's funny how life just works like that sometimes.
Squidward: That's a funny way of saying "plot convenience".
[Patrick approaches Squidam.]
Patrick: Hi, Squidward. You trying out a new look or something?
Squidam: (chuckles) Oh, I'm not Squidward, I'm his old high school friend, Squidam.
Patrick: Whatever you say, Squidward. You can't fool me.
Squidam: No seriously, I'm a completely different person! If I'm Squidward, who's that other there?
[He points over to Squidward talking with Sandy and Evelyn.]
Patrick: Oh, that's Squidam. He's a new original character for the show. I guess he's just gonna be a recurring member of the ensemble cast from now on or something.
Squidam: I am?
Patrick: That's what it says in the Six on the Beach series bible, anyway. 
Squidam: Oh, wow! I always wanted to be a recurring character!
Patrick: So do all octopuses' names begin with "Squid" or what?
[Mr. Krabs pushes a barbeque along towards the RV.]
SpongeBob: Wow! Is that a barbeque, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: What else would it be, me boy? I say we use this baby and whip up some mouthwatering Krabby Patties barbeque style!
Evelyn: K- Krabby Patty? What's that? It- it kinda sounds nice…
SpongeBob: Oh, it is nice! Krabby Patties are the best type of burger in the entire deep blue sea!
Evelyn: Wow! I've never had a "Krabby Patty" before!
SpongeBob: Well there's a first time for everything. I'm sure you'll like it, everyone back at Bikini Bottom loves them!
Squidward: Well besides that time there was a rumour going around that they were made out of crab meat. And, to be completely honest, I wouldn't be surprised if they were.
[Squidward and Squidam laugh.]
Mr. Krabs: Hey, stop making fun of the good Krabby name! SpongeBoy me bob, get working on the grill right away!
SpongeBob: (salutes) Aye aye sir!
[SpongeBob rushes towards the grill.]
Mr. Krabs: Oh, and here's the formula, of course.
Evelyn: Formula?
[Mr. Krabs passes SpongeBob the formula in a bottle, and he begins making Krabby Patties. Evelyn walks up to SpongeBob.]
Evelyn: Hey, could- do I mind if I watch you work the grill?
SpongeBob: (laughs) Sure! You see making Krabby Patties is actually quite easy, well, if you know the formula of course.
Evelyn: What's the formula?
SpongeBob: Oh, it's a secret recipe that's the basis for the entire Krusty Krab's success. It's so secret no one is allowed to memorize it! (laughs) One time it went missing and Bikini Bottom's entire society burned down.
Evelyn: No, I mean what is the formula? Let's start with the basics, what kinda meat do you use?
SpongeBob: (laughs) You're funny.
[Patrick approaches Evelyn with a cheap store cake.]
Patrick: Hey Eviling.
Evelyn: Aw Patrick! Is that for me?!
Patrick: It sure is! Today's the one-day anniversary of the day we met! 
Evelyn: Wow! I just knew you wouldn't forget!
[Patrick puts the cake down and the two embrace.]
Patrick: We could eat it after SpongeBob finishes with those patties, if you want.
Evelyn: Of course!
[Cut to SpongeBob serving up some patties.]
SpongeBob: Order up!
Sandy: They're done already?!
Patrick: I'm not complaining! 
SpongeBob: Woah, hold your seahorses Patrick! The first patties are going out to our guests of honour. Squidam?
Squidam: Oh no, seriously, you're too kind.
[SpongeBob hands Squidam a Krabby Patty.]
Squidam: Heh, thanks. (he sniffs it) Wow, smells nice.
Squidward: Don't get your hopes up.
[Squidam takes a bite.]
Squidam: This… this is beautiful. You really have a way with food, SpongeBoy.
SpongeBob: (laughs) What can I say? I just love my work. Evelyn?
[Evelyn clenches onto her left arm.]
Patrick: Go on Eviling, don't be shy.
Evelyn: Are you- are you sure I can have it?
SpongeBob: Of course! Your first Krabby Patty is always the best one.
Mr. Krabs: Go on, take it!
Evelyn: Well… hot dog, 'finally!!!!
[Evelyn runs towards SpongeBob, grabs the Krabby Patty and starts maniacally laughing.]
Evelyn: YES!!!!!! (laughs)
Sandy: Well, she's excited.
Evelyn: Just look at it! One mouthwatering burger held between two succulent buns with lettuce, cheese, tomatoes, are those onions?!!!
[Squidam walks backs towards the grill.]
Squidam: Hey SpongeBob, that was so good. Do you think you could whip up another for-
[Squidam accidentally bumps into Evelyn and she falls to the floor.]
Squidam: Woah, I am so sorr-
[A robotic voice is heard.]
Voice: Self-destruct sequence in 5, 4, 3, 2, eh screw it-
[Cut to a shot of a real life explosion, before cutting back to outside the RV where Plankton falls out of a robot suit resembling Evelyn. Everyone is covered in smoke.]
All except Patrick and Squidam: Plankton?!!!
Squidam: Who?
Patrick: Hey, where'd my girlfriend go?
Plankton: Ugh, I am your girlfriend you idiot!
Squidward: Wow, I knew it was impossible for Patrick to date a real person, but I genuinely didn't see this coming.
Pearl: I mean it was pretty obvious.
Squidward: Well why didn't you say anything?
Mr. Krabs: (laughs) Oh, Plankton, dating Patrick has got to be one of your stupidest schemes to get me formula yet! (laughs)
Plankton: Well the plan was to date SpongeBob, but…
[Flashback to earlier when SpongeBob and Patrick were in the cabaret. Plankton is controlling the Evelyn robot towards SpongeBob.]
Plankton: Come on, come on!
[Plankton tries to move Evelyn's arm towards SpongeBob's shoulder, but he misses and it ends up on Patrick's instead. He looks over to the robot and Let's Get It On begins playing.]
Plankton: Oh no.
[End of flashback.]
Plankton: -and I mean I don't even know why I included a self-destruct button.
Mr. Krabs: So you really followed us all the way to the holiday resort, eh? (laughs) You really are pathetic, Plankton.
Plankton: I know, I know. You don't have to rub it in.
Pearl: Did you really have to build a robot girlfriend if you knew the formula was here though? Couldn't you have just broken in the RV?
Plankton: This seemed simpler.
Patrick: Where's Eviling?
[SpongeBob puts his arm on Patrick's shoulder.]
SpongeBob: Gone, Patrick, she's gone.
Patrick: But why? I thought she loved me! We even sang a song together!
Plankton: Yeah, and a bad one too! Neptune knows the things I did for this stupid scheme!
Sandy: Are you upset Patrick?
Patrick: Nah, not really. Love's overrated if you ask me. (he pulls out a ring-shaped potato chip out of his pocket) This engagement ring was getting mouldy, anyway. (he shoves it down his throat) Mmm, ready salted.
Squidward: You're not a robot, are you Squidam?
Squidam: I don't think so. Last time someone did it with a robot it was not pretty.
Squidward: Wanna go back to your place?
Squidam: Sure. Bye guys! Oh, and thank you!
[The two walk off.]
Plankton: (sigh) So… I guess this is the part where you send me flying off into the sky, huh?
Mr. Krabs: You bet it is.
[Mr. Krabs picks up Plankton and flicks him off into the distance.]
Plankton: CURSE YOU KRABS!!!!!!
Mr. Krabs: The amount of times he's cursed me and nothing's come of it is unbelievable. I have a feeling we might be seeing a lot more of that pest from now on. Anyway, has anyone learnt anything from this experience?
SpongeBob: I have, actually. Love is a strange, strange thing. On one hand you could end up with your high school boyfriend who you haven't seen in years and reminisce of a past life. On the other hand you could end up with a robot controlled by a one-celled organism trying to steal your friend's boss' sandwich recipe. I guess the moral of the story is that love isn't always what you bargained for.
Sandy: I… guess that's actually a decent moral. Huh.
Patrick: I'm not sure what a moral is but is anyone else up for speed dating tonight?
[Fin.]
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