Transcripts/MMMystery on the Friendship Express

:Pinkie Pie: Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness. You've really outdone yourselves, Mr. and Mrs. Cake. This is sure to be the winning entry of this year's national dessert competition!
:Mrs. Cake: Oh, thank you, Pinkie!
:Mr. Cake: And thanks for transporting it all the way to Canterlot for us.
:Pinkie Pie: Absolutely! It's my honor and I–
:Applejack: Uh, beg pardon, but could we maybe move things along? This here cake's a mite heavy. Right, Big McIntosh?
:Big McIntosh: [grunts] Eeyup...!
:Pinkie Pie: Alrighty then, Big Mac! To the train depot! That's it, Big Mac, nice and slow. This is precious cargo you're carrying.
:Mr. Cake: Yes, it took months of planning and testing.
:Mrs. Cake: I would hate for it to–
:Big McIntosh: [grunts]
:Mr. Cake and Mrs. Cake: Fall!
:Pinkie Pie: Don't worry, Mr. and Mrs. Cake. Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, a little pegassistance?
:Pinkie Pie: I'll get it there safely, you'll see!
:Mrs. Cake: Ahahah, oh... of course, Pinkie.
:Mr. Cake: We never doubted you.
:Pinkie Pie: Twilight, can I see you a second?
:Pinkie Pie: A nice protective spell as extra insurance. [laughs] Better safe than sorry. AJ, Rarity, one last thing?
:Pinkie Pie: All right, everypony, we're in the home stretch here.
:Mr. Cake: [wheezing]
:Pinkie Pie: See, Mr. and Mrs. Cake? I got it here without a hitch! Now all we have to do is get it... in?
:
:[squeaking]
:[banging]
:Pinkie Pie: [sigh] Thank you all for helping me get the cake safely on the dessert car.
:Twilight Sparkle: Thank you for inviting us all to go with you to Canterlot for the National Dessert Competition.
:Rarity: I'm sure the festivities will be just lovely.
:Applejack: Phooey on the festivities! I can't wait to try all those tasty treats!
:[slap]
:Pinkie Pie: Well, the tastiest treat of all is sure to be the Cakes' Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness. All that rich creamy goodness of the marzipan, combined with the tart tanginess of the mascarpone, blended perfectly with the smooth, silky sweetness of the meringue. That's why I call the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness the "MMMM".
:Rest of main cast: MMMM.
:Pinkie Pie: Exactly. It's the most delicious delectable delightful de-lovely cake in Equestria, and it's sure to win first prize.
:Gustave le Grand: Zis is not so, for I, Gustave le Grand, do challenge your crude cake to a duel of delectable delicacies against my...
:Main cast: [gasp]
:Gustave le Grand: ...exceptionally Exquisite Éclairs! They will undoubtedly strike down all ze competition, winning first prize and crowning me le champion.
:Donut Joe: Not a chance, le Grand.
:Twilight Sparkle: Donut Joe! What are you doing in Ponyville?
:Donut Joe: Picking up the final all-important ingredient for my contest entry, Donutopia! And with these super-sprinkles, my donuts are going to dunk all the other lousy desserts, steal first prize, and make my donut shop famous forever! [laughs]
:Mulia Mild: Oh, Joe... [laughs] Your dippy donuts could never out-rival me. [laughs]
:Pinkie Pie: Hello. What's your name?
:Mulia Mild: I am Mulia Mild. Behold, my Chocolate Mousse Moose. It will trample all your treats, be given first prize, and make me the greatest chef in Equestria.
:Gustave le Grand: Madame Mild, you and your mousse moose are mistaken.
:Donut Joe: Your frou-frou éclairs will never defeat my donuts!
:Pinkie Pie: The Cakes' Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness is going to win!
:Mulia Mild: Your simple cake could never take my moose. [gasp]
:[train whistles]
:Twilight Sparkle: Well, it sure looks like we're in for a delicious competition tomorrow. Maybe we should all settle in for a good night's sleep.
:Donut Joe: Hmph.
:Mulia Mild: Nyahh.
:Gustave le Grand: Huh! [mumbles]
:[doors slam]
:Rainbow Dash: [yawns] I gotta admit I'm pretty beat.
:Applejack: Yeah, I'm gonna hit the hay myself.
:Pinkie Pie: Wait! Didn't you hear those chefs? We have to protect "MMMM".
:Rarity: MMMM?
:Pinkie Pie: Mmm-hmmm. I know for super sure that "MMMM" is the best dessert in all of Equestria, and I know that they know it too.
:Rainbow Dash: So...
:Pinkie Pie: So... one of them is going to sabotage the Cakes' cake tonight! You have to help me stand guard!
:Twilight Sparkle: Pinkie... you're overreacting.
:Applejack: Yeah, those chefs aren't going to do your cake any harm.
:Pinkie Pie: But they are! I just know it.
:Rainbow Dash: Fine! If you want to stand guard, go for it. We're going to bed.
:Pinkie Pie: I'll show them. I'll stay up all night and protect you. Nothing and nopony will stop me from keeping you safe.
:Pinkie Pie: Huh? Stop, you saboteur! I have you now! Wha? A-ha! Ahh?! Oh! Thank Celestia you're okay! But one of those bakers is mixing up something bad, so I'm not leaving you again no matter what.
:[blinds snap shut]
:Pinkie Pie: Huh? Who turned out the moon? Don't go near that cake, thief!
:[galloping]
:Pinkie Pie: Stop, thief!
:[clang]
:Pinkie Pie: Oh, are you okay, thief? [growls] Huh... Overreacting, my hoof. I knew I was going to have to keep a close eye on you, and that's just what I'm gonna do. [snores]
:[rooster crows]
:Pinkie Pie: [snores] Huh? What? [gasp] The cake! Oh, MMMM, you look mmmm-marvelous.
:Twilight Sparkle: Whoa!
:Pinkie Pie: I know. I think some congratulations are in order for a job well done.
:Twilight Sparkle: Um, you better hold off on giving yourself an award just yet, Pinkie. Look.
:Pinkie Pie: Look at what? Huh? [gasp]
:Pinkie Pie: [screams]
:Applejack: What is it?
:Rainbow Dash: What happened?
:Pinkie Pie: It's the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness, it's been [crying] mutilated!
:[gasp]
:Pinkie Pie: Now we just need to find out who done it.
:Twilight Sparkle: You mean, who did it.
:Pinkie Pie: Exactly. Who did-done-dood it.
:Twilight Sparkle: Well, having read many mystery novels, I know that the only way to discover the culprit is to investigate.
:Pinkie Pie: Exactly.
:[bubble pops]
:Pinkie Pie: And as chief detective, that's exactly what I'm gonna do.
:Applejack: Uh, you're investigatin'?
:Pinkie Pie: Yes! And Twilight shall be my lowly assistant who asks silly questions with obvious answers.
:Twilight Sparkle: Fine, Pinkie. Should we start looking for clues?
:Pinkie Pie: Perfect silly question, my dear Twilight, because the obvious answer is...
:Twilight Sparkle: Yes?
:Pinkie Pie: No! 'Cause I know who did it.
:[gasp]
:Twilight Sparkle: Pinkie, how could you possibly know?
:Pinkie Pie: How could I possibly not know? Clearly this dastardly deed was done by the baker who knew their dessert could not measure up to the mastery of the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness. I guess you feared your éclairs lacked flair, Gustave!
:[silent film music]
:Pinkie Pie: Thus, destroying the cake and the Cakes' chance of winning the National Dessert Competition.
:Twilight Sparkle: But it makes no sense!
:Pinkie Pie: What do you mean, lowly assistant?
:Twilight Sparkle: Well, first, if you were tied to the train tracks, how are you now here?
:Pinkie Pie: Huh... Guess that isn't a totally silly question.
:Twilight Sparkle: And second, the cake hasn't been sliced. It's been bitten. Just look at the teeth marks!
:Pinkie Pie: Hm... You're right, my fine fellow. Gustave le Grand is clearly in the clear, which means the "MMMM" was destroyed by another baker. A baker whose donuts are do-nots. That's right, it was Joe!
:[spy music]
:Pinkie Pie: [voiceover] Or as he's known in the spy world, Mane. Con Mane.
:[giggles]
:[beeps]
:[spraying noise]
:[thud]
:[laser noise]
:Pinkie Pie: Crushing the Cakes' chances to win!
:Twilight Sparkle: Pinkie! There is no laser beam security system! And Joe is not sleek, stealthy Con Mane! He's big, gruff, and messy!
:Donut Joe: Hey!
:Rarity: Although, you would look rather dapper in a tuxedo.
:Pinkie Pie: Huh... You may be right, lowly assistant.
:Twilight Sparkle: May be?
:Pinkie Pie: Now that I'm taking a closer look at these desserts, I see that one simply cannot look me in the eye.
:Twilight Sparkle: Pinkie... that moose is a mousse!
:Pinkie Pie: Yes, and the mule behind the moose panicked when she saw the mastery of the "MMMM".
:Twilight Sparkle: So you're saying that the culprit is...
:Pinkie Pie: Mulia Mild!
:[flute and percussion sounds]
:[clang]
:[cutting sounds]
:Pinkie Pie: Putting an end to the Cakes' dreams of taking first prize. Huh, I hope you're proud of yourself, Mulia.
:Twilight Sparkle: Pinkie, stop! This is ridiculous! Look at her!
:Mulia Mild: [whimper]
:Pinkie Pie: [sigh] I guess you're right...
:Twilight Sparkle: Thank you!
:Pinkie Pie: But I was so sure that it was one of the other bitter bakers that destroyed the "MMMM". That way, their delicious dessert would reign supreme. I mean, just look at Joe's Donutopia. It's a spectacular city of donutty delight, topped temptingly in sprinklicious sprinkles. And Gustave's éclairs look incredibly edible, with glistening glaziness. But then there's Mulia Mild's Mousse Moose. [sighs] why, this mouth-wateringly marvelous mousse moose tempts the taste buds with its silky, smooth, yummy-nummy, chocolateyness. So why did this criminal devour the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness while leaving this trio of tasty treats untouched?
:[munching sounds]
:[scream]
:Pinkie Pie: [gasp] Now I have no idea who do-doned it!
:Pinkie Pie: This mystery gets more mysterious every minute.
:Twilight Sparkle: Well, you have to stop the wild accusations and get to the truth. Everypony go back to your cars while we do a little investigating. Okay, Pinkie, in order to really solve this mystery, we're going to have to find clues. Now you were here at the scene of the crime all night.
:Pinkie Pie: Huh! You're not accusing me, are you?
:Twilight Sparkle: No! But maybe you saw something that will help us.
:Pinkie Pie: I saw a silhouette in the moonlight!
:Twilight Sparkle: Good... Let's retrace your steps.
:Pinkie Pie: And then I chased the culprit down the train towards the caboose, but when I got there, he was gone.
:Twilight Sparkle: Hm... A-ha! Our first clue. I think I know who did it, Pinkie.
:Pinkie Pie: Already?
:Twilight Sparkle: Yes, but I need more evidence to confirm. Tell me what happened next.
:Pinkie Pie: I heard somepony else in the dessert car and chased them up to the engine...
:Pinkie Pie: ...But, when I got there, all I saw was the conductor shoveling coal.
:Twilight Sparkle: The conductor, huh? [gasp] But that doesn't make any sense. What happened next, Pinkie?
:Pinkie Pie: Well... I went back to the dessert car.
:Twilight Sparkle: Yes?
:Pinkie Pie: The curtains mysteriously closed, all on their own.
:Twilight Sparkle: Interesting. Anything else?
:Pinkie Pie: I heard hoofsteps, a loud thud...
:[thud]
:Pinkie Pie: ...and then they were gone! When I opened the curtains, I saw that the portrait by the door was all crooked.
:Twilight Sparkle: Oh my, what is that?
:Pinkie Pie: [growling]
:[teapot whistling]
:Twilight Sparkle: What next Pinkie?
:Pinkie Pie: That's it. I was here guarding the cake the rest of the night. I mean... I slept by the cake the rest of the night.
:Twilight Sparkle: And when you woke up, half the cake was gone?
:Pinkie Pie: Exactly.
:Twilight Sparkle: By Jove, I think I've got it. Call everypony back. We have a cake culprit to catch.
:Mulia Mild: [stuttering] Why are we all here again?
:Twilight Sparkle: I bet you're wondering why you're all here again.
:Donut Joe: She's good.
:Twilight Sparkle: We have discovered the true culprit of this cake carnage.
:Gustave le Grand: But how?
:Twilight Sparkle: Well, you see, when committing a crime, it's crucial that one never leaves behind clues, especially an obvious clue like... this.
:[gasp]
:Pinkie Pie: A-ha! A blue feather! I knew it was you, Gustave le Grand!
:Twilight Sparkle: Pinkie, Gustave doesn't have blue feathers.
:Pinkie Pie: No, 'cause he's been dyeing them!
:Twilight Sparkle: No, Pinkie. Remember how when you chased the suspect to the caboose, they suddenly disappeared? That's because they flew away. But the thief did leave a little something behind, didn't you, Rainbow Dash?
:Rainbow Dash: I-I don't even like cake!
:Pinkie Pie: So Rainbow Dash did it! Case solved!
:Twilight Sparkle: Case not solved, because when we went to the engine, I saw the conductor's hat. And inside the hat was... this.
:Pinkie Pie: So it was you! That pink hair came from your rainbow-colored mane!
:Rainbow Dash: I don't have pink in my mane, Pinkie!
:Pinkie Pie: So you're wearing a wig?
:[stretching noises]
:Rainbow Dash: Ow! Cut it out!
:Twilight Sparkle: Pinkie, remember? You chased a pony to the engine, where you thought you saw the conductor shoveling coal, but that wasn't the conductor at all. It was... Fluttershy!
:Fluttershy: [gasp] Oh my.
:Pinkie Pie: You're goin' down, Fluttershy!
:Twilight Sparkle: Pinkie! But then another clue confounded my suspicions. You were guarding the cake when the curtains mysteriously closed. But that's no mystery, that's magic. But when the thief tried to make their great escape, they left a little addition to the portrait. Has anypony else noticed that Rarity is wearing her hair rather differently today?
:Rarity: [gasp] What? Is it a crime to change one's style now and again? Why, I think it's a crime not to.
:Twilight Sparkle: Really?
:Rarity: Fine, I'm guilty! [crying] I wear false eyelashes! Oh, and I took a bite of the cake.
:Fluttershy: So did I.
:Rainbow Dash: Aw nuts, so did I.
:Rarity: You just made it sound so delectable.
:Fluttershy: So tasty.
:Rainbow Dash: And boy was it!
:Rarity: I only meant to take a little, lady-like bite.
:Fluttershy: And it was so good.
:Rainbow Dash: Yeah, I just dove right in!
:Fluttershy: But I'm really really sorry.
:Rarity: Terribly sorry.
:Rainbow Dash: Sorry, Pinkie.
:Pinkie Pie: That's okay. At least this mystery is finally solved.
:Twilight Sparkle: But it isn't. We figured out who ate the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness, but we still don't know who devoured the other bakers' goods.
:Pinkie Pie: You're right, Twilight. You know what we have to do?
:Twilight Sparkle: Well... Yes, I do. Do you?
:Pinkie Pie: Look for clues! [sniffing] Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
:Twilight Sparkle: Well, Pinkie. Did you find the devourer of the desserts?
:Pinkie Pie: I most certainly did. It was none other than... the bakers!
:[gasp]
:Pinkie Pie: First of all, Gustave has mousse in his moustache! And Joe has éclair in his hair! And Mulia has sprinkles in her wrinkles!
:Twilight Sparkle: What do you say, bakers?
:Gustave le Grand: Oh, I am so sorry, Mulia, but Pinkie made your mousse moose sound... très magnifique.
:Donut Joe: And Pinkie's description of your éclairs really did make 'em sound scrumptious.
:Mulia Mild: And the way she spoke of your Donutopia, ohh, was too delectable to resist.
:Twilight Sparkle: Well, everypony, we finally have the mystery solved.
:Gustave le Grand: Yes, but now we don't have any desserts to enter into ze contest!
:Pinkie Pie: I think we can fix that. Come on!
:Pinkie Pie: Dear Princess Celestia,
:Today I learned that it is not good to jump to conclusions. You have to find out all the facts before saying somepony did something. If you don't, you could end up blaming somepony for something they never did. This could hurt their feelings, and it can make you look really foolish. So from now on, I will always make sure to get all the facts.
:Pinkie Pie: How's that for a lesson, Princess Celestia?
:Twilight Sparkle: Care for a bite?
:Pinkie Pie: I don't mind if I do.
:[munching sounds]
:Pinkie Pie: Mmmmm.
:[laughter]
:[music]
:[credits]
ar:نسخ/لغز قطار الحلوى
de:Transkripte/Pinkie und Twilight ermitteln
es:Transcripciones/El MMMisterio en el Tren de la Amistad
pl:Transkrypty/Zagadka w Ekspresie Przyjaźni
pt:Transcrições/Mistério no Expresso da Amizade
ru:Стенограммы/Загадочное преступление в поезде Дружбы