Funky Has a Baby

"Funky Has a Baby" is an episode of The Game of Life where Funky has a baby.
==Plot==
At the end of the last episode, we learnt that Funky has a mysterious child that we didn't know about. After some investigating, I think I have worked out what happened. To provide context we need to go all the way back to season 1.
In "Caught Red Handed", Mr. Krabs hired a maid because nobody was cleaning up the mess in the house. This maid was called Jaqueleine Rich and Funky started flirting with her a few episodes later. In "A Funky Time", Funky and Jaqueleine had sex. There was a possibility that Funky had gotten her pregnant but it was never brought up again. Now this child that Funky apparently has is called Dillon Rich so I'm assuming this is a child Funky had with Jaqueleine. However, Jaqueleine died in the season 2 episode "Dog" after being hit by a piano that fell from the sky. It was a weird episode but my point is that I don't know who is taking care of Dillon. As far as I know Funky has never met Dillon. But the relationship stats for Funky and Dillon are positive so could they have met while I wasn't controlling Funky?
I don't know, but this episode isn't about Funky and Dillon. Funky is pregnant with some weird alien creature, in the words of Granite we need to beginning preparing for the inevitability of him giving birth. This is going to be a terrible episode.
The game is broken and won't let me respond to phone calls. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. Funky calls Cassandra over and after some talking they have their first kiss.
As the conversation continues I get a notification that says "Throughout the conversation, Funky got the impression that Cassandra finds him quite attractive, making him wonder if he has the right idea." I don't know what that means but I do know that ever since I started playing this game again everyone I have played as has found everyone else to be "very unattractive". Anyway Funky and Cassandra are having sex. Funky gets so excited that he pees himself afterwards.
Graggle finally decides to have a doctor's appointment. He is diagnosed with lung cancer, that's not really a surprise. I'm more surprised it has taken this long for one of my sims to get cancer. Graggle has to have daily chemotherapy sessions now.
For some reason Funky never gets a buff saying that he's pregnant. I have to cheat to get it, it just says he has a "weird tummy ache". Also Prince Philip attacks a ghost's leg.
It is now time for Graggle's first chemotherapy session. It's 2 AM. Funky now has a buff that says "my little one" and "there's something amazing growing inside of me." Why did I make this happen? I hate this. Graggle comes back from chemotherapy. Bald. Graggle is now bald.
Things get boring so Funky invites Cassandra over again and Cassandra assures Funky that she is "all clean, no need to fear catching anything nasty from me". Good to know. Cassandra also says she is on her period right now. Yep, uh-huh.
These are some weird pronouns.
Funky learns Cassandra's "WooHoo interests" as the two have sex in the telescope observatory thingy. Cassandra leaves after this. What, do you have something more exciting to do than have sex in an observatory?
Here's a weird one. Graggle has fallen asleep in Hallie's bed. I don't even remember this happening, I just saw it when rewatching the recordings. Did I do this? Was it intentional? Did I even notice this when I was playing? Hallie throws a tantrum about it. That's understandable, I remember being annoyed when I saw her having a tantrum. But no, that's perfectly reasonable.
SpongeBob uses the observatory to spy on the neighbourhood. Wait, ew. He levels up his "mischief" skill. Funky is now in the second trimester and should schedule his next prenatal visit. He never had a first prenatal visit, maybe he should go to this one.
Funky has developed a pregnancy complication called Preeclampsia. He will need to monitor his blood pressure by eating healthy, hydrating, exercising, and if need be taking antihypertensive medication, but overall, pregnancy should progress without major issues, though there is increased risk of induction or c-section. Funky can fill the prescription for antihypertensive medication from the pharmacy online.
OK. Funky takes the medication and goes to sleep. It's now time for Graggle's second chemotherapy session. He's supposed to go to them daily but I want to know what happens if he misses one so he's going to miss this session. Cassandra messages Funky and asks if he's coming to see her, she wants to see his "handsome face". Funky is invited to the Landgraab mansion, where her husband probably is. The first thing Funky does when he turns up at the mansion is use their toilet. Cassandra's husband is at the house, he's doing some grilling. One of the Landgraabs died before the series started so there's also a ghost possessing things in the background just to be annoying. The ghost is making as much noise as possible while Funky
Eats Cassandra? The kiss animation is so weird.
BUT THE KISS NECK ANIMATION IS EVEN WORSE! STOP THAT!
Yeah have rough sex on the couch while Cassandra's husband, Malcolm, walks around the house. That's a good idea.
(That's my way of saying this is what is happening. Malcolm spends like an hour staring at some ugly painting in his bathroom before going upstairs to use his computer. Unaware that Funky is engaging in coitus with his wife.)
Malcolm eventually goes downstairs to argue with the ghost, who I believe was his mother. Funky's session of coitus ends, but Cassandra continues to walk around the house completely naked. I mean the family's rich I guess she can do whatever she wants. Funky leaves the house to go to an appointment with his OBGYN, Malcolm actually sees Funky do this but doesn't question who he is. Funky returns and despite his "pregnancy complication" both he and the baby are fine. Cassandra is still walking around the house naked and Funky is eating what appears to be leftover food.
WHAT?!
I don't know what to do here so I try to get Funky to join in but the game doesn't let me so I just let Funky get angry as he watches his girlfriend suck her husband's cock. When they eventually finish, Funky rudely introduces himself and "confesses to having woohoo". Funky finds Cassandra and complains about his "love life" before going home. When he's home, Funky… has a cigarette before going to sleep. He's pregnant…
As if things couldn't be worse for Funky he's now complaining about an itch in his pubic area… He is later diagnosed with crab lice. Wait a minute.
> Funky invites Cassandra over again and Cassandra assures Funky that she is "all clean, no need to fear catching anything nasty from me". Good to know.
SHE LIED!!!
Funky is still very sad, so he decides to make his favourite alcoholic drink. Still pregnant… Funky becomes drunk and… he's in labour. He's giving birth to a baby while drunk, great. Aaaaand, the doctor is Aidan, even better. This child is going to have a terrible life. In fact while Aidan is treating Funky he accidentally removes Funky's heart…
Time to look up baby names. I decided to call her Frankie Kong, it's like Funky but she's Frankie. After giving birth,
FUNKY!
Let's see what Funky's alien baby Frankie looks like.
Oh.
She starts crying so Funky breastfeeds. How… How is that possible?
AND WHY THE HELL IS SPONGEBOB USING THE DISHWASHER WHILE NAKED?!
Funky invites Cassandra over and asks her to break up with Malcolm. Cassandra is also attacked by Prince Philip but we'll ignore that. Cassandra responds to Funky's request with anger, "what are you talking about? We're in love!" Funky then accuses Cassandra of not caring about the alien baby. After that conversation, Funky is bullied by a troublemaking kid who begins to levitate. Jesus.
Hallie got sick at school and threw up in front of a bunch of other students. Funky asks the nurse to do a thorough health check, Hallie is not his child. Funky then goes back to Cassandra and apologies for the confrontation while bragging about their first kiss.
After a few weeks of not playing the game I decide that Funky and Cassandra's relationship should continue despite Cassandra cheating on him… Or is it Cassandra cheating on her husband? Anyway, Cassandra asks if Funky will be her boyfriend and he says yes. Frankie Kong starts crying afterwards so Funky and Cassandra walk off to kiss, ignoring Frankie.
Meanwhile, SpongeBob goes downstairs to see the ghost of April. He asks for the number for her dealer and April gives him the number for Chris-R. As far as I'm aware, neither SpongeBob or April do drugs anymore. Unless April found drugs wherever she ended up. Chris-R calls SpongeBob to say "I am in the neighbourhood right now. Do you want me to come over?" SpongeBob says OK and Chris-R appears at the door.
Funky goes back upstairs and gives Cassandra a key to the house and SpongeBob calls Chris-R over to him. SpongeBob asks about the quality of his drugs while Funky asks Cassandra about her sexual health. Cassandra says she might've caught something recently, I guess that's her excuse for not telling him she had crab lice. Chris-R heads upstairs mid-conversation with SpongeBob to use the household's computer. When SpongeBob rejoins the conversation, he learns that Chris-R is both evil and mean. The conversation doesn't go very well and Chris-R goes to beat up the household's teddy bear in front of Funky and his baby. Funky rudely introduces himself to Chris-R and he leaves. Downstairs, SpongeBob is walking around in the nude, again. I don't know what his problem is.
Funky gets a call from one of his customers from his drug dealing career, asking if she can see his baby. He agrees. After being away for just a few hours, Cassandra is saying she misses Funky so she comes to the house again. Funky invites her to stay the night and she thinks that "sounds great".
Excuse me one second…
SPONGEBOB PUT SOME CLOTHES ON ALREADY! WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THIS?!
Anyway, Funky and Cassandra go to have sex. There's a crying baby in the other room, this baby is definitely going to grow up hating her parents. Once they've done their thing, Funky goes to check on Frankie. Literally seconds after Funky leaves Cassandra, I am reminded that Funky is a jealous sim and can get uncomfortable when he isn't around his partner. She's literally in the next room over.
Graggle is trying to do some work on the upstairs computer and SpongeBob walks in to play video games on it. Naked. Seriously, what is wrong with him? Once Graggle starts doing his work, SpongeBob goes downstairs to play Uno and then heads back upstairs for… I don't know actually, I didn't check. Whatever he did wasn't interesting as he went back downstairs to play Uno with himself, still naked. Funky killed his crab lice, I don't know if anybody cared about that. Cassandra and Funky are flirting again, that's normal. SpongeBob is going to mourn Mr. Krabs' grave naked, it's what he would've wanted.
Funky makes a drink for him and Cassandra and the two become best friends.
"Funky's my best friend."
Funky gets a vague text from someone saying "the end is near, are you ready?" I'll ignore that. After Cassandra has the drink Funky made for her, Funky starts to fear that "the love of his life is on something". Huh. Funky and Cassandra then have… Sex again, is this not getting a bit boring now?
I think I have finally found out the reason SpongeBob has been being so weird lately. He is having an "early midlife crisis". Life seems to be passing SpongeBob by these days. It's the same thing day in and day out, with nothing to really show for it. It might be time for a change… SpongeBob decides the change he needs is to watch… something on the TV while naked. Alright, that's enough of this episode.
==Gallery==
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Category:Episodes
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Category:2023 Episodes
Category:The Game of Life
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Category:2020s