Locks

You want to hear what I have to say? Yes? Well there's not a lot to tell. People would say that every person is different. That, every person is "unique." Certainly they would claim there is a difference between you and me, but think about it what is the difference?
We're all very much alike, really. I'd like to think ourselves as a lock, we are always hiding something but when somebody says something, somebody does something, well. We snap, that lock breaks and whatever we're hiding comes out. Now look at yourself, are you any different? There's a part of you that wants that lock broken, you want an excuse to do those things, to say those things.
You probably think I'm crazy, right? But maybe you just need to understand where I'm coming from, maybe you won't be inspired to do things I do. But at least take a moment and listen to what I have to do. I remember a time when I didn't know what my lock was, nor did I care. It was back in elementary school if I recall correctly, I moved recently and I just wanted to make a few friends. I made about a whopping one, and we were great friends him and I. Everyone else, well, they hated me.
I don't know what was so wrong with me, back then all I wanted to do was cry, and cry, and cry. I had that single friend, and his friends, only there to comfort me. Everyone else seemingly thought I was the perfect kid to pick on, I was. I remember in 6th grade I thought if I acted tough I could get them off my back, I threatened with violence and I would stop my punched in their faces to prove a point. I, got sent to the office quite a few times. But deep down inside, it only made the pain worse. I wasn't being made fun of anymore, it was worse. I was ignored altogether, ostracized and now the only classmates that cared about my besides my friend only gave me pitying, fake smiles and lies.
I took their lies to heart, I wanted to feel accepted by the class as a whole.. that was the mistake I made, I guess now looking back. In Junior High, it only got worse. Granted, I had a few more friends, but that was only a few. I felt I was doing something wrong if everyone else hated me, I didn't want to look like the bad guy. You have to understand I was a good person, I didn't deserve any of that. That was actually when I first realized what was happening. Before I knew it, I spent less time with my friends and more time alone, thinking about everything I hated.. everyone that I hated. The sickest part was that there was a part of me that wanted this, to hurt myself. Until I forced myself to do something bad, something violent, and maybe they would see that I was the victim. That somehow, this was all caused because nobody liked me anymore, and I just wanted a voice.
I couldn't help it, as months passed by I lost the urge to hang out with those friends, and rather I'd walk down the school halls hoping someone would try and bully me so I had an excuse to do something bad. I wanted that lock to be broken, don't you get it? I eventually started thinking about what exactly I should do. If I just got into a fight at school it wouldn't get enough attention, no. I needed to shed light on the injustice that was brought upon me, I didn't figure out that later.. I brought all that pain unto myself.
One day, I brought a knife with me to school. It wasn't like a kitchen knife it anything, it was foldable and came with all kinds of other tools. That day I knew was the day to bring justice, or so I thought. It was during lunch, outside of the school, by the portables. I was walking around and a group of kids came to me.
"Hey, kid. You can't just keep walking around like you want to cause trouble."
I felt that this was the most ridicules thing I have ever heard of in my entire life, "Oh? And why not? What are you going to do, huh?"
The kid started cracking his knuckles, his cold eyes staring into me. "Well, if you want it so badly, I'm sure I can't get in trouble for giving you some."
"Well, what are you waiting for?" I couldn't help but make a wide grin on my face, but that soon was wiped off from a right hook in the jaw.
I stumbled back a few steps and fell onto my knees, hunched over the ground while feeling my sore jaw. "Oh, wow! That felt great! Why don't you hit me, again?"
The kid didn't even make a smile, "Gladly." And he kicked me in the chest, I fell on my back and was painfully gasping for air from being winded. I was sprawled on the concrete staring at the sky for a short while, I found that grin on my face again.
"Man, that sure was a kick, wasn't it? Give me a moment to get up, will yah?"
"Sure."
Eventually I did get up, and I felt great, I knew at the next move he'll make I'll take my knife and end the scumbag's life. When I stood up, I pulled out that knife, flipped it out and held it behind my back. "Alright! Hey, why don't you try hitting me again? I'm only here to make you feel nice.." He approached me and took a swing with his left hand, I cupped his fist with my left hand and swung the knife in my right hand into the back of his arm, right above the elbow. He kicked me back, with my knife being yanked out of his arm and started screaming at this wounds. All the while his friends just stood, and watched.
"Aw, come on! Cheer up, pal!" I said with that sick smile on my face, as I slowly approached him. "I mean, really. We can't have you making all of that noise!" I rushed at him, grabbed his chin and slashed his throat, he fell over, blood draining into his clothes. "Try screaming now, kiddo! Oh, you can't? How does it fe-.." One of his friend pile-drived me to the floor, he got on top of me and started punching my face in, I plunged my knife into his side and tried grabbing the knife, but I pulled it out and drove it into his neck and pulled the knife down into his collar bone. I got back up and stared at the other two kids.
"Do you guys even know how to fight? Seriously, you're wasting my time.." That was when they both ran at me, I quickly threw a knife into one's stomach. I ran an uppercut into the other kid's gut, and when he went down I put my foot on his elbow, and pulled his arm until it broke. I went to the kid who I threw the knife at, he was on the ground trying to take the knife out of his gut. I happily yanked it out for him, "Glad I could help, I'm sorry I missed though.." and drove the knife into his eye. I left them to die where they were.
I was approaching the door to the school whenever another kid came out, I shoved her against the wall and stuck my knife in her face. "What do you think you're doing?!" She said, at that I chuckled as I plunged my knife into her heart.. oh, the look on her face! At that moment I told her "Oh, what am I doing? Since when did you start caring anything about me? How does it feel to hurt, huh? Huh?!" I twisted the knife and watched her bleed to death. I then took the knife out and watched her crumple to the floor like a marionette with its strings cut.
I think you get it from there, I don't need to get into too much detail, do I? Clearly if I'm here then it means I was stopped eventually, I could talk about all the kids in that school I killed, but. That's not what I want to talk to you about. What I do want you to learn from this story, is that you and I are a lot alike. I don't think it's odd or scary at all. Like I said before, we all have things buried underneath us all, waiting.. and even wanting, to come out.
Things we'd rather forget ever existed, but there will always be a part of us.. that wants those things to come out, that's what happened to me. I'm not any different from you, with that said. Any one of us can be a cold-blooded killer or whatever they want to call me these days. You just have to learn to accept that, what happened to me was something nobody deserved.. but that doesn't mean it won't happen again either. The fact is there will always be normal people, in the same situation like I am, that will be forced by whatever means to take these measures.
That's just something you're going to have to accept, this will never be stopped, and somebody is always going to be murdered. I promise you, why? Because we all to some degree want that lock broken.
Category:Mental Illness
Category:Reality