The Rectus Abdominus Fantasy Tale

Rectus Abdominus, despite being a real band by real musicians (unlike some others) has its own fair share of storytelling, canon, saga, and lore conceived and perfected by the many lineups and members that have been associated with the band. In releases such as concept albums Rectus Abdominus vs. The World, Swagnum Dopus and Comedy Is Dead, the lore of the band is referenced and demonstrated, oftentimes excessively.
=== SO GATHER AROUND YOU BRAINDEAD INFANTS! THE MEMBERS OF RECTUS ABDOMINUS WILL TELL YOU A TOUCHING-YOU-AT-NIGHT TALE THAT WILL MAKE YOU WANT TO MICROWAVE YOUR PET GERBIL AND EAT IT ===
== Archaeological evidence of Rectus Abdominus (6900000000000000000000000000000000007080 B.C. - 2017) ==
Rectus Abdominus was formed about 69 Bagajillion years ago in 690000000000000007080 B.C. by Cameron Masse when he had "willed the entire universe in existence" including the planets, galaxies, and all lifeforms. Among those lifeforms were 4 musicians, the potential to create music. Cameron was one of those musicians too. Cameron Masse himself was visualized in the Poo Testiclement of the ChrisChanity Boob-ill written in 21 A.D, and has been speculated to be the first depiction of Jesus ever made.
The band Rectus Abdominus would form in March of 2017, though their historical traces exist before the date, with historical records claiming that Rectus Abdominus had actually existed centuries, and even millenia before then. It is a popular Mandela effect that Rectus Abdominus had not only performed with Tschaikovsky in the 1800s, but also was featured on the Ed Sullivan show a total of 42069 times throughout the 1950s and 1960s, supported the Beatles on their stadium tour across the United States, performed at Woodstock after The Who, was partially responsible for the Altamont Speedway Incident, was on trial by the PMRC in the 80s supporting Judas Priest and Motley Crue, was the first western band ever to perform in the Soviet Union, only to piss on the grave of Joseph Stalin, and outsold Michael Jackson's Thriller by about 10 billion copies. Archaeologists would find cave paintings all across the world, with the oldest one dating to 40,000 B.C. with the logo and the 4 members performing. Older records suggest that the dinosaurs were fans of Rectus Abdominus, with a fossil of a T.Rex found in Argentina buried with a gold chain, with the Rectus Abdominus logo etched in.
It is alleged that the first English Dictionary, Dictionary of the English Language, which totally invented the English language as we know it is not the first dictionary, as historians have claimed that Rectus Abdominus album The Latin Language Sucks And So Does Your Bloodline released after the fall of the Roman Empire in 300 A.D. is the first piece of English language media ever, making Rectus Abdominus the creators of the English language. That album has since sold 5 million copies, with the album even being reviewed by Charlemagne, with his tomb supposedly containing a copy of the album on vinyl.
== Confirmed beginnings (2017-2018) ==
The members of Rectus Abdominus would however create some actual history when they decided to say "fuck it" and become an actual band with some physical and tangible artifact recordings on the 5th of March 2017, with Cameron Masse, still the creator of the universe part of it. Using the interwebs, an invention that they themselves discovered, they put out their actual debut album.
== First inch of success 2018-2019 ==
Rectus would have their first inch of success.
Cameron Masse enjoyed his universe until January 12, 2018 when member Jackson The Epic tried to soil the chronology of the existence of time, causing Cameron Masse to go into a deep slumber, but on the 19th of April 2019, Cameron Masse would begin the reckoning...
Cameron Masse began his reckoning by "pissing on the shit", and kills a bunch of people (EXTREMELY SHOCKING!!!). And due to this, the world was to fall. Many news stations report on this across the world, including a certain news station from Canada confessing to their beloved citizens that Cameron Masse was truly the omnipotent being depicted in many Abrahamic religions as "God". Earthquakes, hurricanes, and tornadoes are to be expected, where he strikes. News sources couldn't say much, except to listen to the only band Rectus Abdominus for more info! Whatever the flying ass shall the 8 billion of Earth do?
Cam would eventually be seen with a hoverboard, and being the cool cat he is, he has the ability to fuck your dad in the eyes! He of course acquired a hoverboard after he created the universe, which in turn made him responsible for the invention of hoverboards too!
After the band, without Masse covered Pumped Up Kicks, adding it on to their album Rectus Abdominus vs. The World, which eventually calmed down Cameron Masse to stop his reign of destruction upon the world.
After taking a month off, the band secretly reconvened in the studio and decided to put Rectus Abdominus vs The World on the back burner, and start work on a different album instead. Initially titled Back On Our Bullshit, the album’s recording process was allegedly the most peaceful and smooth of the band’s classic period. The band would release the single “Nothing Lasts Forever” on July 28th as their official return to widespread acclaim. Work on the album continued throughout August until on August 29th, it was announced that the band’s fifth studio album, Comedy Is Dead would be released on September 21, 2018. The album continues the narrative that began at the end of their previous effort, with Cameron Masse’s character being “killed off” and mourned throughout the album, only to return at the very end, teasing his rage-fueled revival to take place in the next album. This part of the plot was essential to properly set up the events of Rectus Abdominus vs The World.
Comedy Is Dead would be the band’s fastest-selling album to that point, selling over 500,000 copies in the first week of release, and debuting at #1 on the Billboard 200 album chart. In support of the album, the band would set out on the [long name I don’t remember rn] Tour in November 2018. The band would come to refer to this tour as the “white t-shirt tour” as each band member would wear the same white shirt every day throughout the tour without washing it. By the end of the tour, the shirts smelled so bad that VIP meet and greets were given a refund option for the first time in Live Nation history. All five shirts, still unwashed, now reside at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland, Ohio. From December 26th to 30th, 2018, Rectus Abdominus made their debut in Australia with a short arena tour. This tour would be the last to feature the complete classic lineup. 
On December 25, 2018, the band released their first Christmas song, “Jingle Smells.”
Finally ready to take on such an ambitious project, Rectus Abdominus returned to the studio on January 10, 2019 to finally begin the long-waited and long-belated rock opera Rectus Abdominus vs The World. The subsequent sessions would see the band intentionally hone in on one specific sound for the first time, that being 2000s emo post hardcore and pop punk, with very few deviations.
Assuming the album would be done in time, the band announced the Ram Ranch tour, set to take place from mid-February to early-March 2019. Only four days before the tour was to begin, the band announced that the tour was cancelled due to all venues booked being shut down by feds simultaneously, and that it would be rescheduled if at all possible.
The album’s first single, “Creator / Destroyer” hit stores on February 28, 2019, and was accompanied by the band’s first ever official music video. Recording would finally conclude on March 17, 2019. The day of the album’s completion would mark the beginning of bubbling tensions between Jade Vitriol and Jeff The Epic. 
Rectus Abdominus vs The World was finally released on April 19, 2019 to critical acclaim and commercial success. The album sold over one million copies first week, and spawned many fan favorite deep cuts in addition to the three massive hit singles. Since its release, the album’s legacy has grown to legendary status, and is widely considered to be the band’s finest work of their classic period. Thanks to a newfound interest in the band R.E.M., the band made the conscious decision not to tour in support of the album, which angered fans as well as their management and record label. Still, the band made two festival appearances in June and August of 2019, the latter of which ended up being Jeff The Epic’s last show with the band for over three years.
Rectus Abdominus vs. The World would detail the bands' experience with Cameron Masse destroying the world.
On August 17, 2019, Rectus Abdominus headlined the second day of Woodstock 50. With an attendance of over 800,000 people, this performance would be the band’s biggest of all time. The festival also marked the band’s return to the stage in their home country, after cancelling a tour set to take place earlier that year, and only having played one other show so far in 2019, that being Download Festival in England earlier that summer.
With Rectus Abdominus vs. The World being the band’s first album since 2017’s Rectus Abdominus not to be followed by a supporting tour, mainstream buzz for the band had quickly faded by that summer. Sensing imminent danger, Epictime Records demanded the band get back into the studio and begin work on another new album, barely a month following the release of Rectus Abdominus vs. The World. Their efforts spawned two hit singles in the form of “You’re Graduation” and “Belle Delphine,” but progress on their seventh studio album stalled by the end of July. With an August 30th release date looming on the horizon, Rectus Abdominus informed their label that they intended to take the rest of the summer off and return to the studio in the fall. The label responded by releasing the incomplete Dafuq on the planned release date without the band’s permission. Soon after, Rectus Abdominus and Epictime Records parted ways, and the band members spent September and half of October enjoying their first break in over a year. 
Rectus Abdominus returned to the studio on October 19th revitalized and decompressed. Just a week after beginning their eighth studio album, the band released the single “I Am Having Sex Right Now,” which became a minor hit on the social media app TikTok for a brief period immediately following its release. With this, the band announced that their new album would be coming out on December 20th, but gave no other information regarding album title, artwork, or tracklist. After the release of “I Am Having Sex Right Now,” tensions within the band began to resurface in the studio, resulting in founding member and co-visionary Jeff The Epic being fired following an alleged verbal altercation between Jeff and Jade on November 13th.
After this point, work on the still yet-to-be-titled new album came to a complete halt, and the band played several one-off shows until early December with former Brance Dorito & The Infinite Moose bassist Simeon The Aircraft officially becoming the band’s touring bassist. These shows would be Kenonio’s final live performances before his untimely death in July 2023. Mere weeks before their new album was to be released, the band announced that the project would be delayed indefinitely. On the day of the album’s originally intended release, longtime member Kenonio announced his departure from Rectus Abdominus after two and a half years. On December 25th, the band released their second Christmas song, “Oh Shit It’s Fucking Christmas.” It wasn’t until New Year's Eve when the album was given a proper announcement, with the band revealing the title People Order Our Patties, and the new release date of February 7, 2020. Fans immediately noticed the stark difference in the album’s artwork, which sported the gold-bearing legs and pointed-toe shoes of a figure holding a pizza box with the band’s name spray painted in black and white. This would be Rectus Abdominus’ first album cover to not feature a photo of the band, although the artwork was later changed to more accurately represent Jade Vitriol’s original vision which did feature a band photo taken two weeks before the album’s release.
Despite losing two members in two months, the band soldiered on, touring Japan in January 2020 with touring guitarist Big Poop taking Kenonio’s place on stage, and finally releasing their eighth studio album, People Order Our Patties, on the promised February 7th. The album saw poor sales and the tour in support of the album faired even worse, with only 150,000 copies sold in the first week, and with almost all ticket sales stalling with venues at half capacity or less. David Fricke wrote for Rolling Stone “It seems the band’s fans haven’t taken kindly to the firing of Jeff The Epic, departure of Kenonio, and the regressive, unwanted return-to-form style of the group’s latest outing, People Order Our Patties, which debuted at a discouraging #103 on the Billboard 200. Better luck next time, guys!”
In the days leading up to The Poop Tour, the band would attempt to begin writing their ninth studio album, with plans to finish it upon returning from the tour. These sessions only spawned two completed songs, “Shoplifting Rules!” and “I’m Gonna Make A Movie About Sharks.” The tracks would finally see the light of day in their original form nearly four years later on the b-sides and rarities collection Big Bag of Poop.
The remaining three members would complete only the first four dates of The Poop Tour, before breaking up on March 5, 2020, exactly three years after their formation. As a result, the unfinished ninth studio album tentatively titled The Poop Factory would end up scrapped and abandoned. The tour’s supporting acts, Kid Rock, Ted Nugent, and BTS attempted to keep the tour afloat, but after only three more shows, it was clear that there was no interest in the three acts without Rectus Abdominus. Later that month, Metacomet Records would issue the now-out-of-print Smell Ya Later!: The Absolute Fucking Best of Rectus Abdominus to little fanfare and more poor sales. The greatest hits album would fail to chart entirely and the label would fold shortly after.
The band would break up on the 5th of March 2020, exactly 3 years after they made their metaphysical debut as a band. According to the track Behind the Pubic, off of Swagnum Dopus, Jade revealed that in a fit of rage, he had actually shot and killed the other band members with guns.
== Breakup (2020) ==
Upon returning home from the ill-fated The Poop Tour, Jade Vitriol immediately entered the studio with their side project, GoldFlame, to record their second studio album The Burnout Generation, which would be released on August 7, 2020 and was met with critical acclaim and commercial success. The band would complete a successful run of festival and television appearances from May 2020 to May 2021 in support of the album. Jade would also release their debut solo album, ANGUISH, on October 2, 2020. The album failed to chart, was universally reviled by critics, and quickly faded from memory within a week of its release. -Jeff The Epic would go on to form the band CUM ARSON in early 2020. CUM ARSON would only play one show in April 2020, as the violently negative reaction to their original material, described by spectators as “synth-folk-post-rock gangsta rap,” would cause the band to scrap their debut album and change their name to Jeff The Epic’s Rectus Abdominus Experience, and focus on covering Rectus Abdominus hits with Jeff on lead vocals. The band would continue to tour relentlessly to little success until an onstage brawl during their 2022 Valentine’s Day extravaganza led to 842 casualties and thousands of hospitalizations. Jeff would officially dissolve the group two days later. 
Cameron Masse would release his debut solo album Welcome To Camada through Columbia Records on September 11, 2020. The album would debut at #1 in 12 countries. After a worldwide arena tour in support of the album, Cameron would quickly record and release his second studio album Agent of Chaos: Surviving Tijuana on December 10, 2021. The album was a critical and commercial failure on levels never witnessed before or since, resulting in all traces of Cameron Masse’s solo career being wiped from human history. Within a month of its release, Masse was homeless and busking on the cold streets of New York City covering Rectus Abdominus hits. On March 1, 2022, Cameron Masse was suspected of carrying out the assassination of Saudi Arabian politician Luke Casagranda, which he proudly boasted about to authorities and the press. Though he admitted guilt, he was never charged as nobody was really that bothered by the assassination. 
After his departure from the band, Kenonio would release singles sporadically throughout 2020, ending in December of that year with his sudden unexplained disappearance. It is not known where he went or what he was doing between his last solo release and his return to Rectus Abdominus in 2023, but many suspect that he was the part-time body double for the 46th president of the United States, Joe Biden. This theory is supported by “Joe Biden’s” supposed growth spurt, which occurred the day after Rectus Abdominus announced their 2023 reunion.
Following the disbanding of Rectus Abdominus, Owenonio retired from public life and left the music industry. His current whereabouts are unknown.
According to Jade Vitriol’s memoir, the classic five-piece lineup was set to secretly reunite and begin recording a new album in December 2020, with said album set to be release on March 5, 2021, exactly one year after they disbanded, though Owenonio’s sudden diagnoses with an undisclosed illness halted these plans the day before recording was set to begin. This would be the last time the classic lineup would communicate as a group. Soon after, Jade would once again enter a period of disdain towards Jeff The Epic and Cameron Masse for reasons still undisclosed. Only one song came out of this time period, that being the demo of “Eat Shit,” which eventually saw the light of day in December 2023 on the b-sides and rarities collection, Big Bag of Poop.
In May 2021, Jade Vitriol once again started conceptualizing Rectus Abdominus’ return. Though still not on speaking terms with Jeff The Epic and Cameron Masse, she recruited new members to replace them, Jey The Epic and Brad Army respectively. Only two known songs came out of this reunion attempt, the first being “Poop Town” which ended up on the band’s ninth studio album, 091021, and the other being “This Is The Best Song Ever Of All Time,” which has never surfaced in any capacity.
== The First Reunion (2021) ==
Early July 2021 would see the band finally attempt to start properly recording their ninth studio album. Though, within the first hour of the first day, new bassist Jey The Epic would suffer a heart attack and would be rushed to the hospital. This session would be the last time Jade Vitriol and original drummer Owenonio would ever speak to each other face to face. After this, plans for the new album fell by the wayside. 
In early August, Jade Vitriol and Owenonio had a brutal falling out which remains unresolved to this day, details of which are unknown. On August 9th, Jade made the decision to continue Rectus Abdominus themself with the aid of returning session and touring bassist Simeon The Aircraft, and the new addition of Rick Sex as session and touring drummer. The band would enter the studio that day and complete the new album within 4 days. The album, 091021, would be surprise released on September 10, 2021 through DAY14 Recordings. Along with the surprise album release came the news of the band’s return. Though not a single, the LP unexpectedly spawned their biggest hit up to that point, “Fortnite Penis Cum Ball Sex.” The album would be produced by Rob Cavalla, who produced that one Paramore song we all know and love! 
091021 was successful commercially, despite being heavily scrutinized by critics for its rushed production and glaring absence of the other band members. Shortly after its release, the band would embark on a North American tour in support of the album, with returning touring guitarist Big Poop relieving Jade of guitar duties on stage.
Recorded along side 091021, the band’s tenth studio album, flaccid, would be released on November 26, 2021. The album failed to chart and was universally panned by fans and critics alike. Unlike any other Rectus Abdominus release before or since, the 23-track acoustic double album was rolled out via several EPs. The misguided release strategy was suggested by their label, DAY14 Recordings, which resulted in the band leaving the label just a week after the album’s release.
Bitter from the catastrophic failure of flaccid, Jade Vitriol fired longtime session and touring bassist Simeon The Aircraft, replacing him with former Jawn Mayer bassist Bitchmade Alfred. Drummer Rick Sex was also replaced with renowned Nashville session player Alex Boner due to Rick’s apparent “lack of rhythmic ability.” Touring guitarist Big Poop was also fired, but was not replaced, leaving all guitar duties to Jade. Brand new session and touring keyboardist Docta Fuck was also brought in during this time. 
In December, the band would enter the studio to begin their eleventh studio album, which would be completed in just one day, being announced just days later. Swagnum Dopus would be released on January 7, 2022 through their new label home, Graduate Records. Though the album was their first not to sell over 100,000 copies first week since 2017’s self-titled sophomore effort, the album was a critical success, with many press outlets praising the band’s hard pivot into heavy metal and hardcore, a result of Jade’s decision to use a 7-string guitar for the first time almost exclusively throughout the album, with the one exception being the album’s closer, “Nothing Else Bladders.” The album’s title sparked controversy after it came out that Swagnum Dopus was meant to be the title of the band’s March 2021 comeback album with the classic lineup, and that the title was created by Jeff The Epic, and subsequently used without his permission.
Discussions of a five-year anniversary tour for March 2022 were abandoned due to lack of public demand and Jade’s commitments with their new band Heart Shaped Lakes. While these discussions were taking place, Jeff The Epic’s Rectus Abdominus Experience took the stage in Leeds, England for their Valentine’s Day extravaganza. During their set, bottles and shoes were repeatedly thrown at the band until, during the song “Cashews,” Jeff The Epic suddenly produced a rocket launcher, firing at random into the crowd for over an hour. The massacre left 842 dead, and thousands more seriously injured. 
Upon his acquittal and subsequent release in early April, Jade Vitriol called Jeff to congratulate him on his kill count, after not speaking to each other for a year and a half. The conversation eventually evolved into the two making plans for Jeff The Epic to return to Rectus Abdominus. Days later, the two would reconnect in person for the first time in two years to re-record their debut album Fully Erect in celebration of it turning five years old. That same day, Cameron Masse showed up at Jade’s front door in an attempt to rob them at gunpoint, but in self-defense, they sang “Pumped Up Kicks” which managed to subdue him long enough for Jade to drag him into their house, and begin talking him into rejoining Rectus Abdominus. The re-recorded album was surprise released on the original’s exact half-decade anniversary, May 2, 2022. With the surprise release of the album also came the news of Jeff The Epic and Cameron Masse’s return to the band. While re-recording their debut, the band, joined by new drummer Dyldorf The Wise, would begin writing and recording their twelfth studio album. As opposed to past albums, the band decided to take their time in the studio and not rush anything unnecessarily. This was also partly caused by Jade Vitriol’s relentless touring schedule with Heart Shaped Lakes during that summer. The band would eventually conclude the recording sessions for the album in mid-October 2022, with the album, titled To Infinity and Your Mom, being announced soon after. 
Shortly after the completion of To Infinity and Your Mom, Cameron Masse abruptly left the group, expressing dissatisfaction with the band’s direction, and a soured personal relationship with Jeff The Epic. With Cameron Masse gone, Dyldorf The Wise departed the group, citing irreconcilable anime-related differences with Jeff and Jade. 
Now a duo, Rectus Abdominus would update the album artwork for To Infinity and Your Mom to include a photo of Jeff and Jade, and the album would be released on November 11, 2022, to moderate critical and commercial success. The band only played one show during this time period, that being an unplugged performance to commemorate the legacy of The Horse Factory, the studio where the band had recorded all of their albums, on the day prior to its closing. This performance was recorded and eventually released as a live album in December 2023.
Downtrodden as a result of the lukewarm reaction to their first new album together in nearly three years, Jeff and Jade quietly disbanded in late December 2022.
== Second Reunion and Mainstream Resurgence (2023) ==
Over the next several months, Jade Vitriol’s band Heart Shaped Lakes would break up, and Jeff The Epic’s solo record deal would be voided due to the labels rejection of Jeff’s sexualized change in public image. During this time, Cameron Masse stayed relatively quiet aside from a several viral TikTok videos of him being pelted with bricks during a second stint as a street performer in New York City. Things would change in May 2023, when Jeff and Jade were hanging out at Jeff’s wife’s vacation home in Key West, Florida, when Cameron Masse showed up with his now-ex-wife unannounced and ready to make amends with Jeff The Epic. With the three of them reunited, they successfully attempted to contact ex-guitarist Kenonio and ask him to rejoin the band, to which he finally obliged. The band would quickly record and release a cover of Daniel Larson’s “Roaring Thunder” that week to accompany the announcement of the band reuniting. 
The song and announcement were met with worldwide pandemonium, with the song becoming an unexpected smash hit, eventually going diamond later in the year, being certified 20x platinum. Three days later, the band began recording their thirteenth album accompanied by new drummer Sammy Razorsharp. The recording sessions were excessively productive, resulting in the band leaving with nearly 50 songs completed. Throughout the recording process, the band would release singles every few weeks leading up to the album, each one, much to the surprise of the band, was a hit. At the end of the recording process, Kenonio would be found dead in his mansion with his penis in his mouth, leading investigators to determine the cause of death as auto-erotic-asphyxiation.
Despite the sudden, tragic loss of their friend and bandmate, they continued as a four piece, with Cameron Masse taking on rhythm guitar duties in addition to keyboards. The band decided to split the fruits of their creativity into two albums, Poop Factory Chronicles, Chapter 1: The Emoji Album, and Rectus Abdominus and the Palace of the Porcelain Throne, the first of which being what they felt were the worst of their new batch of songs, and the second being what they considered the best they had to offer. The two albums were both released on July 28, 2023, with Rectus Abdominus and the Palace of the Porcelain Throne following Poop Factory Chronicles, Chapter 1: The Emoji Album by 15 minutes. Both albums topped charts worldwide, dominating the airwaves for months on end. Rectus Abdominus and the Palace of the Porcelain Throne and Poop Factory Chronicles, Chapter 2: The Emoji Album would go onto sell a combined 10 million copies first week, making it the most successful first week in the band’s entire history. Each album would be individually certified diamond by the end of the year
Nearly a month after the album’s release, Rectus Abdominus embarked on their most extensive tour to date, their first in two years, and their first with both Jeff The Epic and Cameron Masse since November 2018. The sold out Give Us Your Money World Tour would stretch from the end of August to the end of December 2023, with shows across four continents. Their legendary performance at FurFest on September 11th would be released as their second commercial live album the following month. The live version of “Roaring Thunder” became another hit for the band. 
Rectus Abdominus would hit another bump in the road when on the night of October 19, 2023, after concluding the last performance of the North American leg of the tour, drummer Sammy Razorsharp was devoured by giant lions in a hazing ritual gone horribly wrong. Sammy’s passing would be announced the next day and was met with an outpouring of sympathy and support from the music industry elite and the band’s fans.
With two months of touring left on the horizon, the band quickly recruited good friend Despawseatoe to fill the empty drum throne. Her first performance with the band would be in Auckland, New Zealand on October 25, 2023. 
Things seemed to be looking up for the band again when suddenly, after their October 27th performance at Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza in Pomona, California, Cameron Masse went missing. The band had a week off between the Pomona show and the Australian leg of the tour, during which nobody heard from Cameron, and upon arriving in Australia on November 2nd, Cameron was nowhere to be found. The band had to make an emergency call to another good friend, Profound Milk, to fill in for Cameron until further notice. Cameron Masse would not be found until after the tour concluded on December 25th, when he was spotted hiding in a cave wearing a loincloth and brandishing a stone club by his younger brother.
Rectus Abdominus suffered yet another tragedy while on tour in England in December 2023, when their two stuntmen accidentally shot themselves out of their cannons directly towards each other during the first song, exploding on impact. The band offered no condolences and no statement regarding the incident, and even continued to play the rest of their set like nothing happened, with not a single member of the band acknowledging it in the slightest.
With no explanation at all, the band added Horace Horton as touring harp player in December 2023, which confused fans as they’ve never released a song featuring a harp.
On December 29, 2023, Rectus Abdominus released the remastered greatest hits compilation The Non-Essential Rectus Abdominus, Vol. 1 (2017-2020 The Original Octalogy), meant to introduce their new fans to their earlier material.
The highly anticipated follow up to their duo of juggernaut albums the previous year was unleashed in the form of Poop Factory Chronicles, Chapter 2: Take Off Your Pants and Penis on January 19, 2024, preceded by the lone single “Sussy Amogus.” Jeff The Epic would later refer to the recording process for the album as “a substance fueled incestuous disaster.” For the album, the band decided to retreat to the secluded Pachyderm Studios in Cannon Falls, Minnesota, made famous by Nirvana’s 1993 album In Utero. By the time recording commenced in December 2023, the band members were worn out from rigorous touring. With Cameron Masse still missing, the album is the band’s first since their 2017 debut, Fully Erect, not to feature keyboards in any capacity. To try and change things up, the band decided to ingest as many illicit substances and fluids as humanly possible to try and achieve a “true rock and roll sound.” This attempt was a flat out failure, with the band spending 4 weeks recording, and only ending up with 6 total minutes of usable material. Described by Jade Vitriol as a “primitive return to the Fully Erect and self-titled album days that nobody asked for,” the album is the band’s shortest, clocking in at less than 6 minutes total. The album was a commercial failure and is commonly compared to Metallica’s infamous 2003 album St. Anger. After a near-five-year wait, the Ram Ranch tour was finally rescheduled for late-January to mid-February 2024. The tour would mark Cameron Masse’s return to the stage after his mysterious November 2023 disappearance, and the puzzling resurfacing nearly two months later.
Following the first show of the Ram Ranch Tour on January 28, Jade Vitriol mistakenly ingested almonds for the first time, causing them to go into anaphylaxis and be subsequently rushed to the emergency room. Following the incident, Jade was unable to sing for two weeks, which caused the cancellation of the remaining dates of the tour. During their time recovering, Jade would revisit songs the band had worked on from late August to November, which prompted them to convince the rest of the band that this material was good enough to be a new album. Shortly after this meeting, the band would release one of the completed songs, “FEMBOY HOOTERS,” on February 9th to universal acclaim. After the single’s release, the band would finish up what would become their 16th studio album, EPIC SWAG, which was set to be released on March 22, 2024. Prior to its release, four other singles, those being “POOP IS NOT FUNNY”, “F1NN5TER”, “PLEASE LISTEN TO THIS WHILE HIGH ON DRUGS”, and “EPIC SWAG” were released as singles. On March 18, Jade Vitriol made the announcement that the album had to be delayed by one week to March 29th because of the unprecedentedly high demand for the physical album from major retailers as well as the COVID-19 pandemic. This delay marked the first time the band had delayed an album’s officially announced release date since 2020’s People Order Our Patties over four years earlier. After the band’s sold out performance at Japan’s Tokyo Dome on May 5, 2024, Cameron Masse officially departed the band for the third and final time before his mysterious death the next day. The band has not acknowledged the death of Cameron Masse publicly and has since released promotional photos without him.
In June of 2024, the band would be sued by former Judas Priest guitarist K.K. Downing for 69 bazillion pounds (3 U.S. dollars) for "stealing" the intro of FEMBOY HOOTERS, claiming it was a "ripoff" of Turbo Lover. Jade Vitriol would settle out of court, and make an interview telling K.K. and Priest fans that it wasn't a ripoff of Priest, but a ripoff of Van Halen. 
thumb|A legit interview between Rolling Stone and extremely famous RnB artist Aubrey Graham, also known as Drake
In an interview done by Rolling Stone magazine with Aubrey Graham (stage name Drake) about his influences, he cited Rectus Abdominus as his "greatest influence", and had even thought about including Rectus Abdominus in his new diss track against Kendrick Lamar. A leaked lyric from the interview went as follows: "Kendrick Lamar is the worst rapper ever, Rectus Abdominus is so much better".