Krabs' Big Circus/transcript

Next Episode: Stella, Help Us!
== Transcript ==
Episode Aired: November 4, 2023
Episode Copyrighted: 2023
This episode is rated TV-Y7.
The episode opens with a shot of the Krusty Krab's sign, which some clams are resting on. One of them flies down to the ground to join some other clams. The scene fades into an empty Krusty Krab and into the office, where Mr. Krabs comes out of.
Mr. Krabs: Hello, me loving paying-- *notices the place is empty* customers? Where is everybody? *looks at watch*' Hmm. Lunchtime. *closes office door, looks at calendar* "Work day." *uses a stethoscope to listen to my heartbeat* Money, money, money. *takes off stethoscope* Still have a pulse. *hears calliope music, panics* Calliope music? I'm in a horror movie! Wait a minute. *opens the front doors to see a giant circus*
A giant circus is placed next to him.
Mr. Krabs: What? Oh, no! The circus? No wonder there aren't any customers.
Ringmaster Mudkrab: *appears behind Mr. Krabs in a hot air balloon* Boo.
Mr. Krabs: *screams*
Ringmaster Mudkrab: *pulls on mustache* Hello again, Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Ringmaster Mudkrab? This is outrageous. *points to Mudkrab* You can't park your flea circus on my property.
Ringmaster Mudkrab: *exits hot air balloon, approaches* Since my cousin is the mayor, *holds out permit* this city permit says I can. *shoves permit to Mr. Krabs*
Mr. Krabs: *reads permit, muttering and growling angrily*
Ringmaster Mudkrab: *takes back permit*
As Mr. Krabs burns to ashes.
Ringmaster Mudkrab: Since you *pats Mr. Krabs' remains* won't be busy, here's a *holds out ticket* free ticket to the circus *gives Mr. Krabs ticket* so you can see where all your money went. Don't forget to try our cotton candy. Your customers are gobbling it up like it was Krabby Patties. *laughs and walks off*
Mr. Krabs: *grumbles*
SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: *appears with Squidward*
Lincoln Loud: Oh, boy, it's the circus!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Huh? *uses watering can to revive Mr. Krabs* Hmm.
Mr. Krabs: Yes, every year that Ringmaster Mudkrab rolls into town and steals me customers. But this year he's parked his shabby tent show right on me property.
Human Man: *drives by with girl* Hey, let's get a Krabby Patty.
Human Woman: No, *points to circus* let's go to the circus instead.
They drive off.
Mr. Krabs: *growls, on fire, slaps SpongeBob's watering can out of his hand*
Squidward Tentacles: Well, since there's no *points to the right* work, *begins to walk away* I'll be going.
Mr. Krabs: To the circus. *sticks out tongue, takes ticket*
Squidward Tentacles: *stops walking* To the circus?
SpongeBob: To the circus!
Lincoln Loud: To the circus!
Mr. Krabs: To destroy it. *laughs evilly*
Squidward Tentacles: To destroy it?
SpongeBob SquarePants: To destroy it!
Lincoln Loud: To destroy it!
The record scratches.
SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: *confused* To destroy it?
Mr. Krabs: No, no, *pats Lincoln's head* boy-os, not destroy. I said "enjoy." We're going to enjoy the circus.
SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: Oh.
Patrick Star: *falls from the sky, then grabs SpongeBob, Squidward and Lincoln* Yay! We're going to the circus!
Leni Loud: *zips to SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward and Lincoln* Me too!
Yellow and Red Rectangle: *runs to SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward, Lincoln and Leni* Yay! We're going to the circus!
Mr. Krabs: And it'll be fun *face contorts* for all ages. *laughs wickedly*
Slide transition cuts to Mr. Krabs peeking from behind a circus train. He then peeks from under the sand. Inside the train, Ringmaster Mudkrab is speaking to several circus actors.
Ringmaster Mudkrab: We've got another sold-out show today, troupe. So let's give them a spectacle they'll never forget.
Mr. Krabs: *traps circus train with wooden board* Yeah, they'll never forget it, all right.
Ringmaster Mudkrab: *inside train* Krabs, is that you?
Mr. Krabs: That's right. It's Krabs. And me own crew of incompetent misfits will make such a mockery of *points* your circus that you'll be drummed out of Bikini Bottom forever.
Ringmaster Mudkrab: *shakes train*
As Mr. Krabs walks off.
Ringmaster Mudkrab: Open up! Open up, I say!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Lincoln and Leni Loud: *emerges in flashy pink outfit from dressing room*
As well as Patrick as a sea bear.
Leni Loud: Hey, Mr. Krabs, I don't get it.
Lincoln Loud: Why are we dressed like this?
Mr. Krabs: Uh, because everyone in the circus is sick today, and my friend the ring master asked us to take over the show. So I'll be... *puts on ringmaster outfit* the new ringmaster!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Yellow, Red Rectangle, Lincoln and Leni Loud: Yay!
Mr. Krabs: Where's Squidward?
Squidward Tentacles: *appears with raggedy clown outfit* Do I have to do this?
Mr. Krabs: You look great. The pathos is already moving me to tears.
Squidward Tentacles: *groans*
Mr. Krabs: *hears crowd, then takes SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward, Yellow, Red, Lincoln and Leni away* Oh, show's starting. Places, everyone.
Cut to the inside of the circus.
Crowd: *cheers and applause*
The lights turn off as two spotlights circle around. A spotlight shines on Mr. Krabs, and the lights come back on as he scratches his butt.
Mr. Krabs: *spits, uses megaphone* Dummies and numbskulls, spoiled brats of all ages, welcome to the crummiest show on Earth.
Mother: *with child and father* Dummies? Numbskulls? How rude!
Father: Heh, *points* he must be one of those insult ringmasters.
Mother: Well, in that case, he's funny. *laughs*
Mr. Krabs: That's weird. They actually enjoyed that. Well, wait till they see this first act. They're gonna hate it. I call your attention to the *gestures upwards* high wire above me.
Camera pans above, spotlight shines onto Lincoln on a unicycle. Introducing Mr. Lincoln-O the Incompetent.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Mr. Krabs, look. That's my friend Lincoln. *laughs*
Kid: *spits popcorn in other kid's face and points* Hey, that's Lincoln!
All: *waves* Hi, Lincoln!
Lincoln Loud: *waves back* Oh, hey, kids. *loses balance* Whoa! *does circles around tightrope*
He is trying to regain balance.
Mr. Krabs: Yes, folks, isn't he appalling? *points backwards* Leave now for a full refund.
Lincoln Loud: *continues circling around tightrope* Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Mr. Krabs: Fall into the net already. *holds bag of spiders* Spiders should do it. *throws urchins above, which land on Lincoln's handlebar*
The spiders latch onto him.
Lincoln Loud: Huh? Spiders. Oh, no. No, no, no. Ow, ow, ow, ow! *looks down* Ow, ow! I'm out. *falls down and screams, then bounces on net below*
Mr. Krabs: *rubs hands together, chuckling evilly.
Then the unicycle falls on his head.
Mr. Krabs: Ow!
Crowd: *cheers*
Lincoln Loud: *lands onto empty seat in crowd* Whoo-hoo-hoo! *points to spiders* Yay!
Crowd: *cheers*
Spiders: *bows*
Mr. Krabs: Up next, Yellow Rectangle!
Crowd: *cheers*
Yellow Rectangle: *balances on one foot*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Come on Yellow, you can do it.
Yellow Rectangle: *keeps balancing on one foot*
Mr. Krabs: Come on Yellow, you can make it. Almost to the end.
Yellow Rectangle: *keeps balancing on one foot* Almost there!
The wood is starting to crack.
Yellow Rectangle: Huh?! What the?!
The wood breaks making Yellow fall.
Yellow Rectangle: *screams and falls to the ground*
Crowd: Oooh!
Yellow Rectangle: Ow!
Mr. Krabs: Yellow!
Yellow Rectangle: *gives Mr. Krabs a thumbs up* I'm okay, Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: Up next, SpongeBob SquarePants!
Crowd: *cheers*
SpongeBob SquarePants: *uses card tricks*
Kid: Hey, that's SpongeBob!
All: *waves* Hi, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob SquarePants: *waves back* Oh, hey, kids.
Suddenly, all the cards disappear.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Huh? Where did all the cards go?
Tiger: *gets out of the magic hat, then growls at SpongeBob*
SpongeBob SquarePants: *laughs nervously*
Tiger: *roars at SpongeBob*
SpongeBob SquarePants: *screams*
Tiger: *roars and chases after SpongeBob*
SpongeBob SquarePants: *screams and runs around* LINCOLN, HELP!
Lincoln Loud: I’ll save you, SpongeBob! *tries to save SpongeBob*
Tiger: *flings Lincoln with a tail*
Lincoln Loud: Ow!
Tiger: *roars*
SpongeBob SquarePants: *screams*
Tiger: *scratches SpongeBob’s face*
Crowd: Oooh!
Tiger: *runs away*
Lincoln Loud: SpongeBob! SpongeBob! Are you okay?!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah. *lays down on the ground*
Meanwhile, the circus actors in the train try to get out.
Circus actors: Let me out of here. What do you think you're doing?
Magician: *uses magic wand on hat, then pulls out saw* Ha ha! Ah!
Ringmaster Mudkrab: *takes saw* I'll get us out of here. *begins slowly sawing circus train doors* Uh, eventually.
Screen cuts back to the inside of the circus.
Crowd: *clamors*
Mr. Krabs: *takes off unicycle, then tosses it* All right, shut up, everybody. Shut it!
Man: *stops chewing popcorn, then gulps*
Mr. Krabs: Allow me to point to the exits, because this next act is sure to disappoint you.
The spotlight directs to Squidward.
Mr. Krabs: *walks onstage with a suitcase* Don't put your hands together for Squid-O, the world's saddest clown.
Squidward Tentacles: *sets down suitcase, then opens it, being pelted with baseballs, then sighs with a sad expression*
Crowd: Aw.
Squidward Tentacles: *sighs, closes suitcase, then hesitantly reopens it and smiles, then gets hit in the face with a pie*
He wipes himself off with a napkin.
Crowd: Aw.
A closeup of a painting of Squidward the clown shedding a tear is shown.
Crowd: Aw.
Mr. Krabs: What? They're not supposed to sympathize with him. Don't aw him. Boo him!
Squidward Tentacles: closes the suitcase, then reopens it to grab a watering can.
He waters the flower inside to make it grow to a gigantic size. It squirts water at Squidward with an elephant trumpet heard, and he embraces it as it hits him and makes him disoriented on the ground.
Crowd: Aw.
Squidward Tentacles: *takes one of the flowers from my dizzy spell and smiles, then frowns again*
As it sags.
Crowd: Aw.
Squidward Tentacles: *puts tentacle on face, sadly looks at camera, shaking head*
Crowd: Aw. *cheers and applause*
Squidward Tentacles: *gets up, bows happily* Mwah, mwah. *poses* Ha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha!
Mr. Krabs: What the... this idiot crowd is too easily entertained. I've got one last act that'll make 'em hate this circus. *hops off pedestal* Red, you’re next.
Red Rectangle: Oh goody! I’ll be a clown!
Mr. Krabs: Okay, make funny sounds.
Red Rectangle: Okay. *honks*
Cartoon sound effects are heard with laughing sounds.
Red Rectangle: Ta-da!
Crowd: *cheers*
Mr. Krabs: Alright, get on the ball.
Red Rectangle: Okay. *balances ball with feet*
Man: Hey look, that's Red! He’s balancing the ball with his feet!
Red Rectangle: Hey guys!
The ball slips.
Red Rectangle: Whoa! *falls down to the ground* Ouch!
Mr. Krabs: Get up, Red. What's the problem here?
Red Rectangle: I fell.
Mr. Krabs: Fell, eh.
Meanwhile, Mudkrab is still sawing his way out of the circus train.
Ringmaster Mudkrab: *offscreen* Almost there.
Back to inside the circus, Mr. Krabs lifts open a circus cage full of sea bears, which were playing cards.
Mr. Krabs: *points out* All right, you sea bears, out.
Bears: *leaves*
Mr. Krabs: Out, out, out, out, out. *shouts* Patrick!
Patrick Star: *falls down, still in bear costume* What's up?
Mr. Krabs: *points to cage* Get in.
Patrick Star: *salutes, then gets in the cage*
Mr. Krabs: *chuckles evilly, pulls cage along* For our next pitiful, second-rate form of entertainment, we have the mournful sight of a trained dancing sea bear...
Patrick Star: *hops out*
Mr Krabs: ...that's a total fraud!
Crowd: *cheers and applause*
Leni Loud: Mr. Krabs, look. That's my friend Patrick.
Kid: *chews, spits out popcorn on girl, then points* Hey, that's Patrick.
Girl: Aah!
Children: *waves* Hi, Patrick!
Patrick Star: *waves* Hello, Bikini Bottom!
Mr. Krabs: *blows whistle*
Patrick Star: *yelps*
Mr. Krabs: Get on the *points to giant ball next to Patrick* ball, fake bear, and dance.
Patrick Star: *struggles to get on the ball
Mr. Krabs: *shoves him, making him fall to the ground*
Crowd: *boos*
Patrick Star: *rubs back*
Crowd member: Hey, he's being mean to the fake bear.
Mr. Krabs: *rubs hands together* It's finally working. Yes, I agree. This show is the worst. If I were you, I'd storm out and demand my money back and then go spend it at the Krusty Krab.
Leni Loud: *blows the whistle*
Mr. Krabs: Hmm?
Kid: Hey, that's Leni!
All: *waves* Hi, Leni!
Leni Loud: *waves back* Oh, hey, guys. *to Mr. Krabs* Your turn! On the ball, Ringmaster, *kicks ball to Mr. Krabs* and dance!
Crowd: *chants, cracking whips* On the ball! On the ball! On the ball!
Crowd member: *sweats, holding whips* Yeah, yeah. Yeah! *cackles*
Crowd: *chants* On the ball! On the ball!
Mr. Krabs: *sweats*
Leni Loud: *blows whistle*
Mr. Krabs: *then gets on ball* Okay, okay. I'll get on. *starts dancing on ball* There, see? Whoa, whoa. Whoa!
Leni Loud: *chases after Mr. Krabs, blowing the whistle*
Mr. Krabs: Oh, boy, I'm dragging. *gasps*
Crowd: *cheers, including bears*
Meanwhile, Mudkrab finishes sawing an opening to the circus train. The circus performers all fall on the ground as Mudkrab stands on them.
Ringmaster Mudkrab: I'll take care of Krabs myself. *jumps off*
Screen cuts back to the inside of the circus. Mr. Krabs is still on the ball.
Leni Loud: *blows whistle*
Ringmaster Mudkrab: *opens doors* Krabs! *points at Mr. Krabs* How dare you turn my circus into a--well, a circus?
Mr. Krabs: *points at Mudkrab* Well, how dare you turn me restaurant into, uh, an empty restaurant?
Ringmaster Mudkrab: *starts chasing after Mr. Krabs*
Mr. Krabs: Uh-oh. *bounces upwards onto swing* Alley-oop!
Ringmaster Mudkrab: *growls and climbs up ladder*
Mr. Krabs: *jumps onto other platform*
Ringmaster Mudkrab: *gets on other swing* You can swing, but you can't hide. *jumps onto Krabs' platform, and Krabs swings off* Huh?
Mr. Krabs: *ends up on opposite platform, then winks*
Crowd: *cheers*
Mr. Krabs: *starts climbing down the ladder*
Ringmaster Mudkrab: swings into him*
They do acrobatics before Mr. Krabs grabs onto a tightrope and Mudkrab lands on it.
Ringmaster Mudkrab: Ha! Looks like you're hung out to dry.
Mr. Krabs: *throws spiders at him*
Ringmaster: Aah! Spiders! Get 'em off me! *falls down*
Mr. Krabs: *laughs, then some spiders get on the tightrope* What? Huh? You'd be nothing *falls down* without me! *lands on net below, where Mudkrab is standing*
Ringmaster Mudkrab: Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: *hops onto unicycle below, begins pedaling*
Ringmaster Mudkrab: *rides on motorcycle with joust, chases after Mr. Krabs*
Mr. Krabs: *screams* *runs away on my unicycle*
Mudkrab chases him on his motorcycle.
Mr. Krabs: gets inside a cannon* I'm gonna blast a hole right through your carapace, you corny carny.
Ringmaster Mudkrab: *in cannon's vision, flicks motorcycle away and gets my own cannon to get inside* I'm gonna pound out all of your teeth, you ridiculous restauranteur.
Both cannons fire at each other, and the two crabs crash into each other off-screen as the crowd winces.
Crowd: *cheers*
Time card reading "One Week Later"
French Narrator: *narrates time card* One week later...
At the Krusty Krab, Squidward reads a book at the register while SpongeBob stands, holding a spatula.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey, Squidward, do you think Mr. Krabs will ever come back to the Krusty Krab?
Squidward Tentacles: *flips page* I doubt it. He's making more money now than he ever did.
Lincoln Loud: But they’re merged I think.
It zooms out to the circus next door.
Announcer: *offscreen* Ladies and gentlemen, behold the most incredible sight you'll ever see.
Screen fades to inside the circus, where a crowd is gathered around.
Announcer: It's amazing, and it's alive.
Mr. Krabs: *grotesquely merged with Mudkrab on pedestal* Step right up, folks. If I knew I'd make this much money, I'd have cannonballed into you a long time ago. Oh, I love the circus.
Ringmaster Mudkrab: It's the greatest dough on earth.
Mr. Krabs and Ringmaster Mudkrab: *laughs*
The camera irises out onto them, then it says "THE END". The episode ends.
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