Bummer Jobs (Rewrite)/transcript

Previous Episode: Late for the Mall
== Transcript ==
Episode Aired: July 10, 2021
Episode Copyrighted: 2021
This episode is rated TV-Y7 for The Expect Smart Actually: The Patrick Star and Leni Loud Show Season 1. This is the second episode of The Expect Smart Actually: The Patrick Star and Leni Loud Show.
The episode begins with Squidward and Lori appearing to be fishing for something on what seems like a dock.
Squidward Tentacles: *sighs happily* Nothing like a relaxing morning fishing...
The camera zooms out to reveal Squidward and Lori fishing on the roof of the star house Middlemost Post ship.
Squidward Tentacles: ...for a deadbeat! *laughs evilly*
He appears to be moving the line up and down, and someone is straining to catch it. Then, when he reels it up...
Squidward Tentacles: Gotcha! You're paying for your newspaper subscription today, Mr. Star. *strains* Huh? What the...? *opens up the newspaper to discover that all the coupons from the newspaper are gone and grumbles angrily in response*
Lynn Loud Jr.: Lori, catch!
She hits Lori with a football.
Lori Loud: Hey! Stop it, Lynn! I was just getting ready!
Inside the house, Patrick, Squidina, Parker, Angus, Russell, Leni, Hamster, Gretel, and Kevin are watching TV, while Cecil is holding tons of coupons.
Cecil Star: *happy* Would you look at that? I just made six bucks in coupons from a magic floating newspaper!
Gretel Grant-Gomez: Way to go, Mr. Star!
Leni's Dad: Time to get ready! *tries my tie* The sea bunny runs around the coral away from the barracuda and then hops back in his hole.
It then shows that Leni's Dad made it a little too tight.
Leni's Dad: There we go. That's a little tight enough.
Bunny Star: *just arriving in the room* So dapper.
Leni’s Mom: Looking good, Landon. *kisses Leni's Dad, then chuckles*
Bunny Star: We'll be back later!
Leni's Mom: Toodles!
Leni Loud: Wait! *jumps off the couch and grunts* "Be back" means that you left. Where are you going?
Leni's Dad: To our jobs, of course.
Leni Loud: *confused* What are jobs?
Leni's Mom: *whispers to Cecil* Landon, I think it's time for the talk.
Cecil Star: *walks over to a little Patrick*
He looks like Patrick’s ready for a baseball game.
Cecil Star: *calmly* Put down the baseball mitt, son.
Patrick Star: *does just that*
Cecil Star: You see, Patrick, when an employee and an employer love each other very much, a brand-new job is born!
Patrick Star: *looks in awe*
Bunny Star: *happy* A job gives your life meaning. A purpose!
Patrick Star: *gains facial hair* We want one of those job thingies!
Bunny Star: *proud* Our man-child is becoming a man-man!
Cecil Star: Oh, good. Maybe he can move his can-can out of the house-house.
Leni’s Mom: Hey, Cecil, Bunny, they want one of those jobs.
Leni's Dad: Okay, we’ll go pack our stuff.
Patrick and Leni's parents: *blows deeply into some balloons which turn into suitcases.
Then, the door opens.
Patrick and Leni's parents: *sits on the balloon suitcases*
It deflates and takes them to work.
Patrick Star: Where can I get a job and find my porpoise?
He bonks into the wall and falls on the floor. Then, a blue porpoise in a red shirt, appears.
Porpoise: Don't look at me. I ain't got it.
Squidina Star: I already have my dream job.
Cloud letters then appear above Squidina.
Squidina Star: Producing The Patrick and Leni Show.
Angus Shackleton: *destroys cloud letters* That show's a hoot.
Patrick Star: The pink guy is so dumb!
Squidina Star: Come on, brother. It's time to start the show!
Leni Loud: *squeals* EEEEEEE!
The scene then changes to the TV, where Slappy Laszlo and the little boy are watching the show.
Squidina Star: Let's see what's percolatin' on The Patrick Show!
It shows a curtain on the screen and opens to reveal Patrick trying to tie a tie.
Patrick Star: The sea bunny runs around the coral...
Slappy Laszlo: *claps* Oh, yay. Whoo.
Patrick Star: Away from the barracuda and hops back into his hole.
When he's done, unfortunately the tie isn't done well enough, causing him to try again.
Patrick Star: *slightly frustrated* On today's show, we're getting jobs. And to get a job, you have to know to tie one of these doohickeys.
He then hits a mug which breaks off-screen. Unfortunately, the tie isn't done well enough, and it snaps into pieces. Patrick then gets more fabric, but he gets more tangled as he struggles to tie it.
Patrick Star: And the bunny and the barracuda go out for coffee and the boat gets a flat! *keeps struggling and gets up, then gets my rear-end on the screen*
Slappy is amazed. And as the kid skateboards away, Patrick flips the TV screen and lands on Slappy.
Slappy Laszlo: 3-D effects! I love this show!
He then walks with the tie choking him.
Patrick Star, Leni Loud, Parker the Raincloud, Russell the Magical Walrus and Angus Shackleton: *sees SpongeBob and Lincoln*
Lincoln Loud: *confused* Huh?
Leni Loud: Hi, Lincoln. Hi, SpongeBob. Fancy meeting you here.
Patrick Star: *restrained chuckle*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hi, Leni. Trying out a new look, Patrick?
Leni Loud: *gets the tie off Patrick, then puts it on around my neck*
The latter inhales deeply.
Patrick Star: Yeah, I'm looking for a job.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, what a coincidence. I could also use a job. [Popeye impression] Myeh, 'cause I'm a little low on lettuce and I need some scratch for spatulas, see?
Parker the Raincloud: It's not a coincidence, SpongeBob. It's just two similar things happening at the same time.
The five then walk off, and Squidina follows them on her bike.
Squidina Star: *wears a Pat and Leni TV camera* Oof, I guess "The Patrick and Leni Show" is goooing mobile today.
The two are at the Scuttle-N-Save looking for a job.]
Lincoln Loud: Jobs!
Parker the Raincloud: I love jobs!
Leni Loud: Jobs, jobs, jobs, jobs! Jobs, jobs?
Angus Shackleton: That's right! Jobs!
SpongeBob then whistles, and when an employee turns around, she mistakes him for a cereal box.
Debbie Rechid: Oh, one more box.
She then puts him in a boat trunk.
SpongeBob SquarePants: That tickles.
Debbie Rechid: I'm so sorry. I thought you were a box of cereal.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, I wish.
Patrick Star: Hold on, I'm getting a feeling.
Lincoln Loud: That we should become!
Patrick Star: No, it's just this darn rash. You gotta see this!
He pulls up his shirt to show a rash that says "Get a job". Slide transition cuts to Russell, Angus, Parker, Leni, Lincoln, Patrick and SpongeBob at the grocery store practicing their first job.
Parker the Raincloud: Bag up the groceries, Lincoln.
Lincoln Loud: *slightly nervous* Ah, okay, here we go. My very first duty.
He carefully attempts to put the eggs, flour, and watermelon in the bag, but the customer is impatient. Meanwhile, Patrick is doing it really fast.
Angus Shackleton: *in a quick tone* You're going too slow, Lincoln. Bagging is all about speed, like Patrick, pal!
He adds more and more items in the bag. The customer comes to get the bag, but it seems to be really heavy.
Leni Loud: Oh no, I almost forgot. *puts groceries in the bag* There, all done.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *claps* Nice job, Leni. Now watch me.
He stuffs the bag, and smashes it with a mallet.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Ka-pow! There.
He then folds the smashed-up bag into a paper sailor hat, and puts it on the customer's head.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Ooh, très chic.
Customer: *sarcastic* Thanks.
Patrick Star: *gets an anvil and puts it in the bag, causing the man to crash through the floor*
Angus Shackleton: *puts an anchor in the bag* There, the job is done.
Russell the Magical Walrus: *puts the groceries faster*
Lincoln and Parker are putting the groceries in the bag. Patrick is then seen juggling a box of Kelpo cereal, two tomatoes, mayo, and an orange juice bottle, but he is blindfolded.
Patrick Star: Hup-hup-hup.
He then messes up, and all of the groceries start going everywhere. The customers all start screaming and running. The manager then comes to see about all the hullabaloo.
Scuttle-N-Save manager: *angry* WHAT IS GOING ON OUT HERE?
His face then gets splattered with a tub of strawberry ice cream. Blindfolded Patrick puts the manager in a bag, and the latter is red with anger, literally.
Scuttle-N-Save manager: *angrily, to SpongeBob, Patrick, Lincoln, Leni, Parker, Angus and Russell* You stupid fools are done!
He gets the seven, stuffs them in a cannon, and literally fires them.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Lincoln, Leni Loud, Parker the Raincloud, Angus Shackleton and Russell the Magical Walrus: *flies in the sky*
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Lincoln, Leni Loud and Parker the Raincloud: We completed a job!
Patrick Star: I think I'm getting the hang of the "job" thing, but did I find my porpoise?
They then stop at a traffic light, and the porpoise passes by.
Porpoise: *angrily* It's pronounced "purpose."
The traffic light turns green.
Angus Shackleton: *angrily shouts* GROUND MEETING!
Leni Loud: I can't believe he kicked us out of the job.
Angus Shackleton: Don't worry, Leni. We have another job to do.
Parker the Raincloud: I washed your underwear in Russell's water bowl.
Angus Shackleton: That's not- wait- you did what?
Parker the Raincloud: *hides Angus' underwear behind my back* Uh, nothing.
Angus Shackleton: *calmly* Ahh, you don't know what you don't know! And there's a lot you still don't know!
Leni Loud: *confused* I don't know what you're talking about.
Angus Shackleton: Leni, I'm gonna show you how to do the job. Painting the fence.
They arrive at Incidental 82's household. When they knock down a part of her fence, they see a rainbow of "Opportunity."
Parker the Raincloud: *as a salesman* Psst, hey, lady. We're lookin' for a job. You think we could, uh, paint that fence for you?
Mable Oma Lobster: Oh, of course. What sweet kids.
Patrick Star: We could touch up a few of your wrinkles, too.
He takes out a putty knife. It then shows an odd closeup of the old lady, and she is offended by Patrick's comment and walks away. Then, Rusell, Angus, Parker, Leni, Lincoln, Patrick and SpongeBob attempt their second job: fence painters. But, they do it messily.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Lincoln, Leni Loud, Parker the Raincloud and Angus Shackleton: ♪Oh, this is the way we paint the fence. Paint the fence, paint the fence. This is the way we paint the fence. For the nice old lady.♪
Russell the Magical Walrus: *makes dolphin sound*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Perfect!
It shows that they are done, and the fence is rainbow colored. The camera then moves up to the old lady's house, and a part of the house falls off.
Leni Loud: This house could use some help too.
Time card reading "Later..."
French Narrator: Later...
The old lady then reappears, and the house is covered with a giant white cloth.
Mable Oma Lobster: *slightly confused* Oh, it's, uh, lovely. Thank you.
Lincoln then opens the fence door for the lady.
Patrick Star: *to Incidental 82* You haven't seen anything yet. Ta-da!
Angus Shackleton:We gave your house a makeover.
It shows the house now sporting a blonde wig, black eyelashes, blue eyeshadow, pink blush, and red lipstick.
Mable Oma Lobster: *mumbles incoherently*
Leni Loud: Isn't she beautiful?
The house then winks, making all of the other houses gain a crush on her. The old lady then faints.
Patrick Star: A job well did.
They then get fired from the second job. Bubble transition to Incidental 118C paying his fare to a taxi driver.
Male Blue Rectangular Prism: *pays the taxi driver* Thanks for the ride in your stinky cab.
Cab Driver: Your money makes this job tolerable.
Meanwhile, SpongeBob and Patrick watch and get an idea.
Parker the Raincloud: *gasps* Let's be taxi drivers!
Angus Shackleton: *grabs an old man and puts him on my back*
Patrick Star: Why take a taxi when you can ride with Patsy?
Short tan senior: What's a Patsy?
The two then attempt their third job: "Patsy" drivers. SpongeBob and Lincoln are then shown Patsy driving Incidental EHS10.
Lincoln Loud: *exhausted* Your stop's coming up.
Angus is then seen carrying a human, a rectangular prism, Incidental, and lots of their items.
Angus Shackleton: So, arrivals or departures?
SpongeBob is then shown carrying a giant taxi cab.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Yes, sir.
The seven are then shown carrying a robber and a cop.
Incidental 118D: There's no escape for you this time, Rocky.
Rocky: You'll never get me, copper.
The cop then arrests him and takes him away.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Lincoln, Leni Loud, Parker the Raincloud and Angus Shackleton: Lunch time!
Squidina finally arrives and turns on a TV.
Squidina Star: *to the viewers* While they take a break, let's all watch another hard-boiled episode of "Noir-Sense."
It then shows Snapper and Gills interrogating Fred.
Gills from The Patrick Star Show: Now, where was your leg on Tuesday night?
Fred Rechid: My leg?
Snapper from The Patrick Star Show: We knows it was you.
Fred Rechid: *gulps* M-m-m-my leg?
Gills from The Patrick Star Show: Myeh, so you won't talk, eh? Hey, Snapper, show him what we'll do to his leg if he don't make with the chin-waggin'.
Snapper from The Patrick Star Show: It would be my pleasure.
Fred Rechid: *worried* My, l-l-l-leg?
Snapper from The Patrick Star Show: You'll get a little of this. *uses a nut crusher on my leg* Ouch!
Gills from The Patrick Star Show: And also some of this. *painfully twists my leg* Oh!
Fred Rechid: *confused* My leg?
Snapper from The Patrick Star Show: How 'bout a little of this?
He shaves his leg in a form of torture.
Gills from The Patrick Star Show: Ah! He's shavin' against the grain!
Snapper and Gills from The Patrick Star Show: *keeps torturing ourselves*
While Fred appears to have a sly grin on his face.
Fred Rechid: *happily* I confess, I did do it! With my leg.
He then shuts the door on his leg while leaving.
Fred Rechid: *screams* My leg!
The episode of "Noir-Sense" ends just as the ship becomes filled with trash and dirt.
Russell the Magical Walrus: *comes out of the trash, making a sheep sound*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Ew, this trash is filthy. 
Angus Shackleton: *sees it got a little overboard* Okay, so it stayed a little longer than expected, but the kid's gotta crack. Trust me.
Parker the Raincloud: *comes in and hums a tune, and serves a cereal, not caring about the garbage*
Leni Loud: Ew, gross.
Russell the Magical Walrus: *makes a sound to Angus*
Angus Shackleton: *to Russell* Fine, I'll say something. But for the record, But for the record I'm doing it under protest! *to Patrick, Leni and Parker* Guys, we need to talk.
Lincoln Loud: Sure thing, Angus. Just let me put my dishes away. [Looks for a place to put his cereal, and tries to slowly put it on Angus' head]
Angus Shackleton: No, Lincoln!
Lincoln Loud: Fine! *throws the cereal on the pile of trash*
Suddenly the whole ship starts shaking.
Lincoln Loud: Is it just me or does the ship sound funny?
Suddenly, a trash tsunami chases the crew.
Angus Shackleton: *shocked* MAYDAY!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Ooohhh!
The tsunami sinks the crew, and the house starts to rock about on the end of the cliff, and the citizens of Somewhere City gets shocked and scared and starts to chatter.
Mayor Peeve: *notices the crowd* What is this?! What are they babbling about? Is this an uprising, Ryan?
Ryan Walsh: No, Mayor! *notices the star house Middlemost Post ship rocking about. It's the star house Middlemost Post shi-
Mayor Peeve: *pushes Ryan aside to look properly* It's that stupid house! *happily* It's falling right out of the sky! *dances* Finally, we'll be free from that wretched-
The house rocks about again and covers the sun and makes a shadow in Mayor's mansion.
Mayor Peeve: *groans angrily*
The MP Crew is seen stuck under some pile of garbage in the ship.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *shouts* Abandon Ship!
Angus Shackleton: *angrily* The crew of the Middlemost Post does not abandon ship!
Lincoln Loud: Is it because that women and children go first and you're neither of those two?
Patrick Star: No, all we have to do is to get the old girl balanced out. Which means-
Parker the Raincloud: *in a bathtub, along with Russell* Me, Russell and this bathtub should go to the other side! *takes a lamp to row the bathtub, and starts to go to the other side* Got it!
Angus Shackleton: *shocked* No, no, no, no, no, no!
The house rocks to the other side because Parker rowed to the other side
Angus Shackleton: *tries to swim back* I take it back! Abandon ship!
SpongeBob SquarePants: *screams*
Lincoln Loud and Parker the Raincloud: Woah!
Angus Shackleton: *comes near SpongeBob, Patrick, Lincoln, Leni, Parker and Russell, and gives them a grumpy look*
Parker the Raincloud: Uh, I guess we need a little more on the other side! *starts to row the other side of the ship, so the house rocks the other side.
Angus Shackleton: *slides back* Aaah!
Mayor Peeve: *gets sunlight* Yes! Yes! The sun!
The house rocks one side and the other, and Mayor Peeve runs to get the sun on each and other side, and finally gets dizzy.
Mayor Peeve: I hate this house so much, Ryan!
Ryan Walsh: *pats Peeve* I know you do, sir. I know.
Back at the house, Parker tries hard to balance the ship by rowing faster, with Angus flying above him.
Lincoln Loud and Parker the Raincloud: Woah!
Angus Shackleton: *gives a grumpy look, and when they reach the end of the ship, Angus gets trapped inside a window, and a coin pushes Angus out, making him fall from the ship.
Parker the Raincloud: *looks out the window and screams*
Lincoln Loud: Man overboard!
He doesn't see Angus, and he stops looking out the window.
Parker the Raincloud: *shocked* He's gone! *sadly* We've lost Angus.
The house starts to rock more and starts to fall down from the cliff
Parker the Raincloud: *hugs Russell*
Patrick Star: This is it, we're going down!
The ship starts to come back up.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *confused* Why does down feel like up?
Angus Shackleton: *unseen, shouts from out of the house* Parker! Parker!
Parker the Raincloud: *confused* Yes? *looks out the window to find Angus, but doesn't see him*
Angus Shackleton: *from below* Parker!
Parker the Raincloud: *looks down and sees Angus, holding the house from falling down*
Leni Loud: Angus! You saved us!
Angus Shackleton: *sweats, being not able to hold the house for long and and hardly talks* Pa-arker- I cannot hold her up- forever! If she goes- she'll head straight for the city!
Parker the Raincloud: *looks down to see the city crowd cheering for Angus*
Lily the Grub: *from the crowd* You can do it, Angus!
Suddenly, Mayor Peeve pushes Lily aside.
Mayor Peeve: *angrily* No he can't!
Angus Shackleton: *hardly talks, and sweats more* Guys... I can't do this... I need your help, buddies!
Parker the Raincloud: *floats down to Angus* Tell me what to do, I'll do it!
Angus Shackleton: *hardly talks even more, even more sweating* There is only one thing you can do... But- they're not your jam- and- I have to respect it-...
Lincoln Loud: You mean jobs? Sure- they're not his jam- but that doesn't mean I cannot try! We have to save the house! And if that means doing jobs then jobs it is!
Parker the Raincloud: You got it, Lincoln! *disappears and appears inside the house* Ready Russell?
Russell the Magical Walrus: *nods*
Then Russell eats all the trash and junk, until he is full. Parker uses mouth wash, and Russell spits out all the furniture clean.
Angus below, is trying hard to hold the ship.
Angus Shackleton: Oooh! Hurry- Parker! I can't hold it for long...
Back inside the house, Parker cleans the plates better this time, and carefully put them inside the kitchen cabin. And then, he turns into a plunger, then he decides to use a real plunger, which turns the toilet clean.
Parker the Raincloud: Yeh-eh-Yeah!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Come on, Parker! You can do it!
Down below, Angus is still trying to hold the ship, hardly. Back in the house, Parker folds all the clothes properly and puts them inside the drawer. Then, he speaks to Rust (Watering Can).
Parker the Raincloud: *angry* OKAY, RUST! IT'S JUST YOU AND ME NOW! *takes the watering can and screams at Rust, and the dirt*
Rust: *screams and disappears*
Down below, Angus is still trying to hold the ship, and his pants start to get loose.
Angus Shackleton: Don't quit on me now, pants! Hold strong! [His pants get loose, and falls down, and his bottom is seen] Parker, Hurry!
Back in the ship, Parker dusts inside the ship, and propers the bed, and Russell offers him a coin to check if it is correct, but Parker denies and uses a lot of coins, and all of them bounce.
Angus Shackleton: Parker! Hurry!
Peeve is still standing there, watching and eating popcorn.
Mayor Peeve: This is getting good Ryan!
Angus' other part of the pants starts to get loose, and falls down as his whole bottom is shown, and it is shown shining brightly to the end of the cliff.
Mayor Peeve: *throws the popcorn to Ryan* Nice! *laughs* Look everyone! It's a full moon! *points to Angus*
The crowd surrounds him, no-one laughing and a person boos.
Mayor Peeve: Ryan! Nobody laugh at my funny!
Ryan Walsh: Maybe... They didn't hear you sir.
Mayor Peeve: They heard me, Ryan. They all heard me.
Parker the Raincloud: *comes to Angus, who is still holding the house* The jobs are all done, Angus! Every last one of them! You can let go now.
Angus Shackleton: You did them all?
Parker the Raincloud: Yep! I can't promise I did them all the way you taught me, but- I tried my best.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Well, that's all what I asked for jobs! 
Angus Shackleton: *lets go of the ship, and it gets perfectly balanced, to it's normal self, then puts back my pants on* Aaah! You did it, kiddo!
Leni Loud: Okay! Group hug! *hugs SpongeBob, Patrick, Lincoln, Parker and Angus*
Patrick Star: Now you see why these jobs need to get done. If they're not, well, things can get pretty messy.
Leni Loud: Yeah! People can totes loose their pants!
Angus Shackleton: *whispers to Russell, who is at the window] What did I tell ya? Teachable moment!
Russell the Magical Walrus: *spits a bathtub*
Mayor Peeve: *goes towards my mansion, angrily* Well that was stupid!
Ryan Walsh: Agreed, Mayor.
Mayor Peeve: Not to mention Anti-Climatic!
Ryan Walsh: I mean- you call that an ending-
Mayor Peeve: *gets hit by the bathtub Russell spat*
Ryan Walsh: Sir!
Slide transition cuts to Patrick and Squidina in the production room.
Squidina Star: So, what did we learn today, Patrick?
Leni Loud: I don't want any more jobs. They're too much work. We have found my true porpoise: doing our TV show!
Squidina Star: *slightly disappointed* Really? Then what do I do with this?
She pulls a blanket off of the porpoise.
Porpoise: *angrily* Let me go, you little– *dolphin chirps*
As he says bad word #11.
Squidina Star: Hey, watch your language! This is a family show.
Patrick then walks over and pulls up his shirt, revealing his rash that says "The End," and starts scratching it.
Patrick Star: The End is so itchy.
The episode ends with Patrick still scratching his rash.
Category:Transcripts
Category:The Patrick Star & Leni Loud Show Episodes
Category:The Patrick Star & Leni Loud Show Season 1 Transcripts