Transcripts 2004-05

Transcripts from May 2004 strips.
==May 3==
Single PanelQueue in a convenience store. A heavily pierced and tattooed lago cashier stares blankly at the queue, consisting of a bored-looking Harold Eastwood, (a 50% off bin in the background), a jittery junkie with his hands in his pockets, and a grumpy Norman holding a jug of milk.Norman (thinking): Ah queuing, the nation's favourite pastime!Norman (thinking): You know we need a better pastime!Norman (thinking): Maybe something involving lasers 'cause queuing blows goats!
==May 7==
The Church of Poisoned Minds
Panel 1Black-and-white monochrome comic. Al is rubbing his hands together in a sinister way and grinning, his eyes covered with long bangs cut straight across, and a chip out of his toothy grin. A note reading "AL v2.0" is next to his head with an arrow pointing to him.Al: I've received a number of requests about the word "queuing" in the last SSDD and what it means. All from Americans who apparently don't use the word very often.Panel 2A queue full of identical bald, brain-dead clones standing agape and staring straight ahead and slightly downwards. A sign reading "Q HERE" appears near the bottom right corner of the panel. Al appears inside the caption.Caption (Al): Simple, to "queue" is to stand in like like stupid, fucking sheep at a bank or what have you, and waste valuable moments your life waiting to be served.Panel 3Extreme close-up of Al, glaring angrily straight into the camera.Al: Here's an example for you! "I QUEUED at the book shop, to pay for my FUCKING DICTIONARY so I don't have to annoy a web cartoonist with STUPID FUCKING QUESTIONS!"
==May 10==
Panel 1The cashier leans her face on one hand, looking even more bored, as the junkie reaches the front of the queue, still jittery. Norman appears concerned at how bored the cashier is.Norman (thinking): Bloody hell! The people you see while waiting in line! She'd look more at home on a waltzer, and fuck knows what his problem is! Oh well! It'll be over soon!Cashier: Yes?Panel 2The junkie pulls a gun out of his pocket and points it straight at the cashier, who jumps at the sight, suddenly alert. Norman cringes, slamming his eyes shut.Junkie: GIMME THE MONEY!!!!Norman (thinking): FUCK!
==May 14==
Panel 1Close-up of the junkie shaking as he points the gun at the cashier (off-panel).Panel 2The junkie looks over his shoulder as Norman's finger "*POKE!*"s him in the shoulder.Norman: Excuse me!Panel 3The camera pans out to also show Norman's irritated face.Junkie: WHAT?Norman: Are you going to be long? I get cranky if I miss my morning cartoons!
==May 17==
Panel 1The junkie now has the gun pointed at Norman's face, still wide-eyed and jittery. Norman is unimpressed. A "%50 OFF" sign is on the wall in the background, and a shelf of product is behind them in the corner.Junkie: Cartoons?! CARTOONS?! Can't you see what I've got in my hand here?Norman: Yes. If I'm not mistaken, it's an old Enfield Mark 2. Did you get if off one of your junky mates, or did you break into some old war vet's home to get it?Junkie: Huh?Panel 2Close-up of Norman glaring into the camera/point-of-view of the junkie, the end of the pistol still in his face.Norman: It's a service sidearm dip-shit! And by the state of it, I'd say its owner kept it up his arse for the past 60 years!
==May 21==
Panel 1Face-on view of the junkie, still jittering and pointing the gun at the camera while trying to look menacing with one eye open wide.Junkie: Hay just SHUT UP okay! It don't matter where I got this gun, just that I've got it! Where was I?Panel 2The junkie looks back over his shoulder toward the register to see the cashier has vanished.Junkie: Oh yeah gimmie... Hay! Where did the cashier go?Panel 3Norman points toward the back with a bored look on his face while the junkie grimaces in irritation.Norman: Oh she buggered off with the till key as soon as you turned your back on her!Junkie: FUCK!
==May 24==
The Church of Poisoned Minds
Panel 1Black-and-white monochrome comic. Photo of Michael Schumacher in his racing uniform.Caption (Al): For those who don't know, this is Michael Schumacher, easily the greatest racing driver alive today and arguably the best in history. In fact he's so good, he and his equally good Ferrari have ruined the sport of Formula One by winning all the time. You see it gets a bit boring after a while.Panel 2Al pointing at something off-panel and laughing hysterically, with "HA! HA! HA!" plastered across the background.Caption (Al): This is me after watching Schumacher somehow paint his Ferarri over the tunnel wall of the Monaco street circuit, (the most prestigious of the racing calendar) while the safety car was out! I know this is lost on most of you, but BOY did that make my day! Watching a real RACE without that git in it was cool too!
==May 28==
Panel 1The junkie points the gun at the camera in a rage, squinting into the camera through one eye, about to fire.Junkie: AHHHH! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! YOU MADE ME TURN MY BACK TO HER SO SHE COULD GET AWAY! I OUGHTA'... I OUGHTA'...Panel 2The camera rotates 180 degrees to show Norman looming menacingly over the junkie, a deep scowl on his face.Norman: "I OUGHTA'" WHAT?Panel 3Close-up side view of the junkie in wide-eyed panic.Junkie (thinking): Well, I ought to go home and change my underwear, but sadly that wasn't one of the answers!
==May 31==
Panel 1Silhouette of the junkie, wide-eyed, pointing the gun at Norman, crossing his arms and unimpressed.Norman: Lets look at the facts here huh? the till is locked and the cashier has gone to call the fuzz, who will turn up with high powered rifles any minute now! To fight them you have a 60 year old, spit-ball launcher! Personally I wouldn't use that. Even if you did get a shot in, that thing will probably jam and blow your fingers off!Panel 2Close-up of Norman with a malicious grin.Norman: So it's dying or spending the rest of your life wiping your arse with a hook! Your call sparky!
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