Wizard 15

Chapter 15
Richard and Kahlan are riding. The heart hounds are chasing them. They can't simply turn and ride away from the boundary because the woods are too dense (a point for you, Mr Goodkind, for even thinking of that...I've seen far too many chases where the hero could easily escape by stepping a few feet to one side).
They reach Skow Swamp and decide to head for an island and hope the hounds can't swim. Looking back, Richard sees the hounds gathering on the shore, and they are described as having “big black bodies.” Hmm...didn't Kahlan say heart hounds were tan in color? Why, yes she did. But that was a whole 22 pages ago, and maybe Midlands heart hounds are different or something. Yeah, that must be it.
As the horses are wading through three-foot-deep water, swarms of snakes begin swimming towards them.
“Dark bodies wriggled in the water, just below the surface, heading toward them from every direction. Some lifted their heads, flicking red tongues out into the damp air. Their dark brown bodies had copper-colored splotches, almost invisible in the gloomy water, and barely disturbed the surface as they swam. Richard had never seen snakes this big.”
Okay, this is not normal snake behavior. Snakes do not swim towards the large, loud, splashing thing, especially if it's the size of a horse. Snakes do not hunt in packs. Snakes are ambush hunters, and tend to avoid large, active, unknown things that invade their habitat. \~/
Furthermore, we have no idea how big these snakes are. Water snakes are usually from a foot to three feet long, but “Richard had never seen snakes this big.” So...are they four feet long? Six? Twenty? We're not even given a vague size.
It gets better. Richard draws his sword and drags the tip through the water (because swamp water is so good for steel, don'cha know). This scares the snakes away. Yes. Really.
“When the sword dipped into the water, the snakes turned suddenly and squirmed away as fast as they could go. Somehow, the magic in the sword frightened them away. He wasn't sure why the magic would function this way, but was glad it did.”
It's another of those “somehow” things. “Somehow” the magic scares snakes. Why? Because, that's why.
Richard pulls his sword out of the water and the snakes immediately turn back towards them. He dips it in again, and the snakes turn and flee. It's a +1 sword of snake repulsion! Then they get to the island and the snakes...lose interest, I guess. So. Yeah. \~/
Moving on.
Richard and Kahlan have chat, during which we learn that Kahlan is scared of snakes. They wonder about the Something that attacked them and knocked out Zedd and Chase. Apparently it wasn't able to see Richard...I don't remember that being the case, but sure. Why not. Night passes. Richard and Kahlan make some litters to drag Chase and Zedd.
Our Heroes head on to Southaven, where they find a nameless inn (they know it's nameless because they're literate, like all medieval peasants). It's full of “trappers and travelers and trouble.” Many of them have “unkempt beards,” so we know they're bad news. The locals ogle Kahlan and start to make trouble, and Richard decides he'll have to kill them all. Fortunately, Kahlan saves the day by pretending to be a prostitute who's hired Richard for the evening. Because nothing calms down a room full of horny mountain men like admitting that you have sex for money. \~/ \~/
They get a room and the innkeeper's son falls in love with Kahlan at first sight. We know this because we're told: “The proprietor and his son carried Chase in and laid him gently on the floor, When the son, a lanky young man, saw Kahlan, he fell instantly and hopelessly in love.” I'm not sure why this is important to anything, or why Randy (the son) doesn't rate any character development or finesse in description, but there you go. He sees Kahlan and falls in love with her.
The innkeeper comments that if the men downstairs knew Chase was up here, they “would tear him apart.” So either everyone in this inn except the innkeeper and Randy are evil, murdering bastards, or Chase is widely hated for completely legitimate reasons. I'm leaning more and more toward my bandit king theory.
There is no healer in Southaven, but Innkeeper directs Our Heroes towards “the bone woman,” whose name is Adie (and who is, coincidentally, the person Chase was looking for). The people of Southaven are afraid of her and think she's bad luck because she lives near the boundary. Innkeeper, of course, dismisses all of this as superstition. Because no one who goes by “the bone woman” and who chooses to live in the shadow of a WALL OF DEATH! could possibly be bad luck. Or crazy. Or just plain dangerous. \~/
Actually, this just reinforces that Innkeeper is one of the Good Guys. The alliterative crowd downstairs are smelly and unkempt and superstitious, but Innkeeper is good and kind and not superstitious. Because it's superstitious to be wary of strange weirdos in a world where magic is real, and you live four hours away from a WALL OF DEATH! Right.
Richard asks Innkeeper to water the ale tonight because “Drunken men die too easy.” I guess what he means is, drunken men pick fights and then Richard would have to slaughter them all, but it kind of sounds like he wants someone to die slowly. Bloodthirsty. \~/
And it gets better two paragraphs later, when Richard tells Innkeeper, “If anyone comes through that door tonight, I will kill them, no questions asked.”
Richard, ladies and gentlemen. Our hero.
Drinks: 6
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