Transcripts 1999-08

Transcripts from August 1999 strips.
==August 2==
Panel 1Norman and Kingston are playing a (likely) PS1 fighting game. Norman, looking very unhappy, is wearing a "B(anarchy symbol)M" shirt, and Kingston, looking very happy, is wearing a marijuana leaf shirt. A "K.O." balloon appears from the television.Kingston: ALRIGHT!!! That's ten fights in a row I've won! Man you suck at this!Panel 2Norman suddenly grins at Kingston, who doesn't look up from the telly.Norman: 'Ere Kingston, I know this great move called the "Oriental Flame Attack". You wanna see it?Kingston: Sure, I don't know that one. How's it go?Panel 3Kingston is angrily griping at Richard, who is holding a bottle and giving Kingston a smug look. Richard is wearing a "dead smiley face" shirt.Kingston: ...then the bastard jumped me and gave me a Chinese Burn!Richard: Well you asked for it. Literally. You know Gates is a rotten loser.
==August 9==
Panel 1Anne and Richard are lying in bed, naked. Anne is running her hands through Richard's hair, while Richard is grabbing Anne's shoulder and breast.Anne: Humm, I'll tell you what we haven't done for a while and what I'm in the mood for...Richard: I can guess, but sorry love, no-can-do. You know that we ran out of the old KY weeks ago.Panel 2Close-up of Richard, now with Anne rubbing his nose.Richard: The mail order hasn't come through yet but I'm buggered if I'll go into a shop to buy a tube! And I ain't risking hurting you ether!Panel 3Close-up of Anne.Anne: That's sweet (I think) but the last time I looked we were pretty smart. Surely we can thin kof something...Panel 4Kingston is topless and in the kitchen, holding open the refrigerator containing three cartons of milk (or one milk and two similar cartons), some unidentified cans, a splash of vomit, a shoe(?), and possibly a litre of water. There is a picture of a "checkmark" in the background.Caption (in a different typeface): Meanwhile, the next morning...Kingston: 'Ere! I had half a tub of "I Can Believe It's Not Butter" in here! What bastard nicked that?
==August 16==
Panel 1Richard is startled by a VERY loud "BOOM" that causes him to crumple up the map? he has in his hands.Panel 2Richard shouts so loudly it displays as sound effects.Richard: NORMAN!Panel 3Norman shakes his fist in anger.Norman: NORMAN, NORMAN, NORMAN! Honestly when ANYTHING blows up in this house it's always blame NormanPanel 4Kingston looks up to see a number of letters and one package floating down from the sky, all smoking, one on fire.Off-panel (Richard): Oh, who else do I blame?Off-panel (Norman): Whoever trod on the landmine I buried under the garden path!Kingston: Mail's here.
==August 23==
Panel 1Richard is cringing and shouting at Kingston, who is holding a joint and rolling another with a sly grin.Richard: Arrrggh! For f**k sake Kingston, I *was* eating! How the hell did we get into this conversation anyway?Kingston: Well if I remember correctly you asked me where I get my rent money. That's where I get some of it from.Panel 2Richard turns around and sticks out his tongue.Richard: But a sperm donor? Oh man that's *really* nasty!Kingston: I can't see your problem. Ya know hares are rare now so I get triple the normal rate for my "services". I tell ya for ten minuets work the money's good. I don't see you complain when I give you the rent.Richard: But I didn't know what you just did before touching the money!Panel 3The camera pans over to reveal Norman on the other side of Kingston, chuckling evilly, while Kingston glowers at him.Norman: 'Ere, what do you put for your occupation in the questioners? "Pro monkey spanker", "bishop basher", "gherkin jerker" or just plain "wanker"?Kingston: Piss off Gates!Norman: I tell you what I find completely revolting is the fact that you've managed to breed! Think... some poor little bastard has got your looks!
==August 30==
Panel 1Norman is sitting at a desk writing a To-Do list. Text is typed in a handwriting font.Note: To Do:Hunt down and mercilessly kill the whole cast of "Dawson's Creek"Panel 2Camera pan to view Norman from head on, desk no longer in view.Note: Plan an amusing death for Kingston.Create a population boom by stealing the Johnny machines from all public places and pubs.Panel 3Norman chews on his pen, thinking.Panel 4Norman continues writing.Note: Buy Teabags
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