Headhunters 3: The Elite Eleven

==Introduction==
A barn burner in the worst possible way...
==In Memorium: CP (deCaPitated)==
Look, I'm just going to be honest with you guys. I don't have time to do this writeup this week and I've never missed a Tuesday drop for Headhunters. SO we're going to have to blow through the "writeup" portions of this thing. 
So what can I very quicly say about what just happened?
Basically Last Matts Standing shit the bed for the tenth time in five weeks, which doesn't sound possible mathematically but from an ownership perspective it honestly feels like a million times in five weeks. Lucky for us, there's one person who could not be out done when it came to pooing in bed. And that's CP. Abraham Lincoln once said that "If you're a racist, I will attack you with the North," and also "If you change your team name you will be eliminated early in Headhunters," and these are the principles I carry with me in the workplace.
Chris, who is in 5th place this season, was hit with the perfect storm of suck and injury. Edmonds with 0.43 and an injury. AJ Brown with a slow day (for him) after two monster weeks in a row. D'Ernest Johnson, who ironically will be a hot ticket now that the entire Browns RB corp is out with COVID, wasn't great. The answers were on the bench in the form of Allen Robinson, Carlos Hyde, and Devin Duverney. But alas, those points are as irrelevent as the set list at Astroworld Fest. 
Despite all that, CP was in a 3 vs. 1 with a 30-point gap to close on Sunday Night Football, but their QB, WR1, and surprise RB Adrian Peterson could not get it done against Robert Woods. And for that, CP goes home. 
CP:
==Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020 v 2021)==
Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020 v 2021)
Team 	2021 Finish	2020 Finish	2019 Finish
Pats a bitch 	20th (-1) 	19th 	N/A
It's Blitz! Track 2 	19th (-16) 	3rd (-2) 	1st
Shotti's Bugatti 	18th (-5) 	13th 	N/A
Hasta Laviska Baby 	17th (-7) 	10th (+2) 	12th
Ya Hate 2 See It 	16th (-7) 	9th (+7) 	16th
Mixon Beer with Liquor	15th (-14) 	1st (+16) 	17th
CP 	14th (-8) 	6th (-4) 	2nd
==Dead Money==
Keeping track of all the cash that never got spent by teams that are now eliminated.
Dead Money
Dead Money	% of Total Eliminated Cash
$5352 	76%
==Week Ten-Twelve - The Great Purge==
It's coming. I mean, it's unavoidable. People have to go home. The bar lights are flickering. It's last call. Five teams are leaving us in the next three weeks. 
==New Releases==
text
#Chris Godwin (hope he was worth the $250 to Bad VRs you monster)
#Justin Jefferson
#AJ Brown
#Mark Andrews
#Matt Stafford
==Week Nine Bidding Results==
Week Nine Bidding Results
Player 	Winning Team 	Winning Bid	Next Highest Bid
Joe Mixon 	Neck-Fix and Chill	$380 	
Darren Waller 	Beach McBungalow 	$251 	
Emmanuel Sanders 	Beach McBungalow 	$190 	
Leonard Fournette 	RemDawg 	$101 	
Derek Carr 	Beach McBungalow 	$69 	
McNichols (forgot his first name, not looking it up)	Bad VRs 	$32 	
Myles Gaskin 	Return of the Mac 	$21 	
NE D 	Return of the Mac 	$10 	
Adrian Peterson 	CP 	$2 	
NO D 	Return of the Mac 	$1 	
Jamal Agnew 	Bad VRs 	$1 	
David Johnson 	Neck-Fix and Chill	$1 	
 	 	 	
 	 	 	
 	 	 	
====Quick-hit thoughts====
*Some bids were good. Some were bad .I'm running out of time, just use your best judgment. 
*
Last Year's most expensive week nine player: McCaffrey ($269)
==Money Spent Per Week==
Money Spent Per Week
Week	Budget Spent 	Budget Spent (2020)	Budget Spent (2019)
2 	$9 (2 Players) 	$1173 (12 Players) 	$1339 (7 Players)
3 	$1283 (10 Players)	$1033 (7 Players) 	$1902 (15 Players)
4 	$657 (8 Players) 	$1182 (11 Players) 	$1614 (11 Players)
5 	$1376 (11 Players)	$181 (4 Players) 	1743 (14 Players)
6 	$1231 (10 Players)	$1542 (10 Players) 	$1018 (11 Players)
7 	$965 (10 Players) 	$1494 (13 Players) 	$1036 (9 Players)
8 	$2159 (15 Players)	$1938 (17 Players) 	$630 (7 Players)
9 	$1059 (12 players)	$1454 (12 Players) 	$624 (6 Players)
==Week Nine Results==
Week Nine Results
Finish (Last Week)	Player 	Total Points
1(4) 	Dere-lick 	203.79
2(10) 	The Titanic 	197.97
3(6) 	The Guilloteam 	195.63
4(7) 	Beach McBungalow 	183.42
5(11) 	Out of Luck 	168.37
6(12) 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	167.30
7(8) 	Sloppy Seconds 	161.77
8(5) 	Return of the Mac 	158.42
9(3) 	RemDawg Forever 	150.56
10(1) 	Bad VRs 	135.41
11(9) 	Last Matts Standing 	128.65
12(2) 	CP 	116.53
13 	Mixon Beer with Liquor	0
14 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	0
15 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	0
16 	Shotti's Bugatti 	0
17 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	0
18 	Bad Boys 	0
19 	Henry VIII 	0
20 	Pats a bitch 	0
*
==2021 Draft Dodgers==
Team Results Based on Draft Position
Draft Pick	Team 	Week Eliminated
1 	Beach McBungalow 	ALIVE
2 	Return of the Mac 	ALIVE
3 	I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls 	ALIVE
4 	Bad Boys 	MERGED
5 	Pats a Bitch (Steve Blackman's Nun)	2
6 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	ALIVE
7 	Henry VIII 	MERGED
8 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	6
9 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	7
10 	Out of Luck 	ALIVE
11 	Soul Survivor 	MERGED
12 	@FFDraftScott 	ALIVE
13 	Shotti's Bugatti 	5
14 	Last Coach Standing 	MERGED
15 	Bobecue Chicken (Sloppy Seconds) 	ALIVE
16 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	4
17 	The Guilloteam 	ALIVE
18 	Who the Fuck are all of you? 	ALIVE
19 	Mixon Beer with Liquor 	8
20 	CP 	9
==Average Scores of Eliminated Teams==
Average Scores of Eliminated Teams
Team 	Average Score	Weeks Played
CP 	167.71 	7
Ya Hate 2 See It 	165.83 	7
Hasta Laviska Baby 	165.26 	6
Shotti's Bugatti 	153.62 	5
Mixon Beer with Liquor	147.76 	8
Pats a bitch 	147.32 	2
It's Blitz! Track 2 	136.14 	4
==Narrow Defeats==
Margin of Defeat for Last Place Teams:
Margin of Defeat for Eliminated Teams
Team 	Margin of Defeat	Week Eliminated
Ya Hate 2 See It 	0.96 	7
It's Blitz! Track 2 	7.06 	4
CP 	12.12 	9
Shotti's Bugatti 	14.37 	5
Mixon Beer with Liquor	20.81 	8
Hasta Laviska Baby 	23.24 	6
Pats a bitch 	N/A 	2
==Rulers of the Kingdom==
2021 first place finishers:
Top Scorers by Week
Week	Team 	Score
1 	Return of the Mac 	208.47
2 	I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls 	249.61
3 	RemDawg Forever 	215.73
4 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	235.97
5 	The Titanic 	264.33
6 	I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls (2)	239.21
7 	Bad VRs 	228.07
8 	Bad VRs (2) 	212.18
9 	I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls (3)	203.79
==Dungeon Dwellers==
2021 teams that finished second-to-last, narrowly avoiding elimination:
Low Scorers by Week
Week	Team 	Score
1 	Bobecue Chicken 	132.96
2 	Mixon Beer with Liquor	118.90
3 	Return of the Mac 	120.63
4 	Shotti's Bugatti 	125.79
5 	The Guilloteam 	132.43
6 	Out of Luck 	121.70
7 	RemDawg Forever 	114.48
8 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	129.23
9 	Last Matts Standing 	128.65
==Single Season Scoring Records==
As teams get eliminated their season will be added to the record books.
All-Tme Single Season HH Point Records
Score 	Player 	Year
3428.76	CP 	2019
3402.18	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2019
3015.53	Mixon Beer 	2020
2997.67	The Guilloteam 	2019
2980.07	Last Coach Standing 	2020
2743.25	@FFDraftScott 	2020
2733.07	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2020
2709.59	Mac 	2019
2422.98	Dere-Lick 	2019
2377.31	The Guilloteam 	2020
2285.51	CP 	2020
2282.91	Out of Luck 	2020
2046.35	LIVEWithIt 	2019
1941.63	Bobecue Chicken 	2019
1817.79	Carole Pigskin 	2020
1736.99	Neck-Fix and Chill 	2019
1611.76	Ya Hate 2 See It 	2020
1512.91	Neck-Fix and Chill 	2020
1509.41	CP 	2021
1439.40	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2020
1357.00	Henry VIII 	2019
1238.56	Bluedevils 	2019
1182.09	Mixon Beer with Liquor	2021
1160.81	Ya Hate 2 See It 	2021
1132.61	Henry VIII 	2020
1116.98	Shotti's Bugatti 	2020
1055.63	Mac 	2020
1049.89	LIVEWithIt 	2020
991.57 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2021
975.59 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2019
768.10 	Shotti's Bugatti 	2021
717.82 	Out of Luck 	2019
713.12 	Dere-Lick 	2020
544.55 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2021
481.22 	@FFDraftScott 	2019
459.96 	Bobecue Chicken 	2020
294.62 	Steve Blackman's Nun 	2021
286.36 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	2019
262.69 	Bad Boys 	2020
115.16 	Mixon Beer 	2019
96.56 	Steve Blackman's Nun 	2020
==All-Time Combined Points Scored==
As teams get eliminated, their updated totals will be added to the record books. For the moment, Derek moves into third all-time in scoring. That will certainly change with each elimination moving forward.
Chris has broken Zach's all-time scoring record! Now let's see if anyone can top 7223.68. 
All-Time Combined Points Records
Score 	Player 	Years Played
7223.68	CP 	3
6679.80	It's Blitz! Track 2 	3
5374.98	The Guilloteam 	2
4312.78	Mixon Beer 	3
3765.22	Mac 	2
3406.56	Hasta Laviska Baby 	3
3249.90	Neck-Fix and Chill 	2
3224.47	@FFDraftScott 	2
3136.10	Dere-Lick 	2
3106.24	LIVE With It 	2
3058.93	Ya Hate 2 See It 	3
3000.73	Out of Luck 	2
2980.07	Last Coach Standing 	1
2489.61	Henry VIII 	2
2401.59	Bobecue Chicken 	2
1885.08	Shotti's Bugatti 	2
1817.79	Carole Pigskin 	1
1738.10	Bad Boys 	2
1238.56	Bluedevils 	1
698.91 	Phillip's Team 	1
391.19 	Steve Blackman's Nun	2
==Remaining Budget==
just look it up. I gotta bounce. 
==conclusion==
i did it. No one can say otherwise.