Golf Heroes/transcript

== Transcript ==
Episode Aired: April 5, 2008
Episode Copyrighted: 2007
This episode is rated TV-Y7.
The episode opens with Squidward lying in bed, asleep and he wakes up to a loud noise.
Squidward Tentacles: What the...?
We see Lincoln outside grinding Lori's golf club on a rotating wheel.
Squidward Tentacles: *opens window* Lincoln, do you mind!? *breaks the window off its hinges and throws it at Lincoln*
The window hits the rotating wheel instead and it bounces off and hits Squidward in the face. From the impact, he loses his balance and falls out the window, he then bounces on his head and then bounces off of SpongeBob's pineapple, his tentacles land over Lincoln's eyes, causing Lincoln to finally notice Squidward.
Lincoln Loud: Oh! Hey, Squidward. What are you doing?
Squidward Tentacles: *gets back up* What am I doing!? What are you doing!?
Lincoln Loud: I am sharpening Lori's golf club. Speaking of which, are you going to stick around for morning playing golf calisthenics for her?
Squidward Tentacles: Cala-what?
Lincoln then proceeds in a series of rather ridiculous stretches as Squidward walks back to his house to lock the door, Squidward then starts walking to work.
Lincoln Loud: Walking to work, huh, Squidward?
Squidward Tentacles: Go away.
Lincoln Loud: Can I walk with you?
Squidward Tentacles: No.
Lincoln Loud: Please?
Squidward Tentacles: No.
The last two lines are repeated several times as they both walk, Squidward finally gets fed up with Lincoln's repetitious begging as they enter the Krusty Krab.
Squidward Tentacles: I said NO! I will not walk to work with yo--! *notices he is in the Krusty Krab*
Lincoln Loud: Okay. Maybe tomorrow, then!
The slide transition cuts to the next scene shows Squidward at the register with a customer.
Fish Customer: I'll have two Krabby Patties.
   
Squidward Tentacles: Okay. And would you like cheese on...?
He stops at a noise that sounds like someone extruding gas.
Fish Customer: Do you...need a break or something?
Squidward Tentacles: *nervously* What? Oh, no! Wha--? No-ho, that was not me, I swear.
Sound repeats.
Fish Customer: *walks away with Squidward stuttering and begging nervously*
Squidward Tentacles: *walks into the kitchen where SpongeBob are Lincoln are unsuccessfully attempting to squeeze mustard onto a Krabby Patty* SpongeBob! Lincoln!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, hi Squidward!
Squidward Tentacles: *snatches the mustard bottle from SpongeBob and opens the mustard bottle* It's empty!
He then shoves the mustard bottle into SpongeBob's eye.
Squidward Tentacles: See? Empty!
Lincoln Loud: Wow, Squidward, how did you know that?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah.
Squidward Tentacles: *takes the mustard bottle out of SpongeBob's eye* Well, let's see, maybe 'cause I have a brain.
As he said this, he leans on the grill.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh-uh, Squidward, the grill is on.
Squidward Tentacles: Oh, really? And do you think that I don't know that this grill is...? *sees my hand burning on the grill and screams, then runs around SpongeBob and Lincoln*
Lincoln Loud: We gotta do something, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *removes the mop and then takes the bucket of water*
Squidward Tentacles: *runs to the right*
Lincoln Loud: Okay, Squidward, this should help.
SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: *turns the bucket sideways
It is ready to pour it on Squidward but they accidentally spill the water.
Squidward Tentacles: *slips on the puddle of water and is flying in mid-air*
Lincoln Loud: Don't worry, Squidward, I'll catch you.
SpongeBob SquarePants: I got it. I got it.
They got out his jellyfishing net
SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: *holds it up to catch Squidward*
Squidward Tentacles: *goes in the net and hits the wall snapping the net in the process, then falls in a deep fryer and is being fried*
SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: *screams and goes over to the deep fryer and picks up the net with Squidward in it, now Squidward looks like an ice cream cone when he's fried and we see a close up of the fried Squidward*
Lincoln Loud: We can fix this.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Okay.
SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: *runs but accidentally trips on the mop that was on the floor, he hit's a tin cupboard and bounces off and slams into the counter*
Squidward is sent flying and into a customer's Krabby Patty taking its place, the customer takes a bite out of Squidward causing him and the customer to scream.
Squidward Tentacles: *jumps away and flies into the other direction.
SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: *runs to intercept him*
SpongeBob SquarePants: This time, I got ya.
Lincoln Loud: No, we got this.
Squidward Tentacles: *hits SpongeBob's face and bounces off and finally crashing into a soda dispenser*
SpongeBob SquarePants, Mr. Krabs and Lincoln Loud: *gasps*
Lori Loud: *enters the Krusty Krab* Huh?
Squidward Tentacles: *lies there muttering*
As the soda sprays on him.
Mr. Krabs: *rushes near the mess* Me sod-er machine! *cries*
Lori Loud: *walks to Squidward* Squidward, what happened?
Lincoln Loud: Squidward, can you hear me? How many fingers am I...?
Squidward Tentacles: *smacks Lincoln away and screams, then leaps behind the table, destroying it*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward?
Squidward Tentacles: *screams and whacks two customers away*
He climbs up the wall and looks down at the floor.
Mr. Krabs: You really sent him over the edge this time.
Lincoln Loud: Technically, we drove him up the wall.
Suddenly he heard an unpleasant exchange of words.
Luna Loud: You sang it wrong!
Lola Loud: I sing in my own style!
Luna Loud: It's a rock music! Not pop!
Lola Loud: My version is better!
Luna Loud: So you're stealing my lyrics!
Lucy Loud: Don't forget I wrote them!
Lucy, Lola and Luna Loud: *begins fighting much to Lincoln's fear*
Lincoln Loud: *to the audience* I remember the last time and I don't want to experience it again! I'll pretend I don't know it's happening and I'll leave.
Lincoln went down and heard Lynn arguing with Lisa.
Lynn Loud Jr.: You dare to tell me this nasty fluid will help me?
Lisa Loud: I spent 3 days on making this prototype stimulant and you just spitted it!
Lynn Loud Jr.: You should have worked on it's taste!
Lisa Lous: Taste does not matter. What matters are the proteines I mixed with...
Lynn Loud Jr.: Blah, blah, blah! You're no good cook!
Lisa Loud: Soon you'll be no good at anything!
Lincoln Loud: *to the audience* Another argument! Just great.
Then Lincoln saw at kitchen Luan feeding Lily.
Luan Loud: Here the plane is flying! *puts a spoon into Lily's mouth*
Lily Loud: *spits the food* Bleh!
Luan Loud: Hey! You don't like this soup? I didn't spend 2 hours on making this so would spit it!
Lily Loud: Meh!
Luan Loud: You don't like my soup! How about not feeding you at all?!
Leni Loud: How dare you threat our baby sister with not feeding her?!
Luan Loud: Don't butt in!
Lincoln Loud: *to the audience* This is just sad.
Then Lincoln saw Cliff fighting Gary over the litter box.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Gary! I gotta stop those arguments!
Lincoln Loud: *to the audience* You've got to be kidding me! Whole house is arguing! Dang it! I'm out of here! *runs from his house and accidentally bumped on Lori*
Lori Loud: Watch where you're running, twerp!
SpongeBob SquarePants: *angrily* Hey, don't call him that, Lori!
Lincoln Loud: *nervously* Please! Don't yell at me! I have a hard day today! All siblings argue at home, even pets argue!
Lori Loud: So you ran away. *sighs* I literally found a good time to leave then. I'm going to mini-golf.
SpongeBob SquarePants: And restraining order.
Lori Loud: *smiles* Hey, come with me. It will be fun.
Lincoln Loud: Why are you inviting me?
Lori Loud: Because with company this play will be literally much better.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Well Lori, I got Lincoln.
Lincoln Loud: But golf is boring. You just hit a metal ball with a metal stick.
Lori Loud: Have you ever played golf?
Lincoln Loud: No.
Lori Loud: Then how can you be sure it's boring, if you've never played it? Come with me and you'll see how cool game it is. I doubt you'd rather stay here and listen to those arguments.
Lincoln Loud: I rather get bored than crushed.
SpongeBob SquarePants: We can meet Mr. Bump. We're in.
Lori Loud: This will be a nice Saturday just for the three of us.
Slide transition cuts to the next scene is Lincoln, Lori, Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lynn Sr., SpongeBob, Squidward and Mr. Bump.
Lynn Loud Sr.: We can start the first lesson.
Leni Loud: *confused* But we are not at school.
Squidward Tentacles: Just take a golf club.
Leni Loud: Golf...club? But where can I find it and how can I take a building?
Squidward Tentacles: *facepalms and grabs a gold club* Leni, this is golf club.
Leni Loud: Ah, yes. I'm taking the shiny stick.
Lynn Loud Sr.: Take a pose like me. *takes a golf pose*
Leni Loud: It's not a good pose for a model. *takes a model pose*
Squidward Tentacles: *gets angry* LENI! STOP GOOFING AROUND AND FOCUS.
Leni Loud: *looks on a golf club like on a mirror* I am focused, Squidward. Aw, I'm so pretty. Aaah! I have acne! *runs away*
Lynn Loud Sr.: It seems only we two will play today.
Lori Loud: Let's play, Luan.
Squidward Tentacles: Yeah.
Luan Loud: Oh? *takes a golf ball* Now I know how baby moons look like. *giggles* Get it?
Squidward Tentacles: *facepalms, angrily* It's not that funny.
Lynn Loud Sr.: *laughs* Speak for yourself. That's hilarious.
Lori Loud: Guys, Squidward's right! We came here to play mini-golf.
Luan Loud: Can you show me how to do this?
Lynn Loud Sr: Alright. *hits a ball but it falls into water*
Squidward Tentacles: Nice shot!
Lori Loud: What a bad move!
Luan Loud: What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A bad golfer goes *Whack!* "Darn!", but a bad skydiver goes "Darn!" *WHACK!* *laughs* Get it?
Lynn Loud Sr: *laughs* This is the best way to fix my humor!
Squidward Tentacles: *gets angry* LUAN, IF YOU PREFER TO TELL EACH OTHER BAD JOKES INSTEAD OF PLAYING GOLF AND I HATE YOU ANYWAY!
Lori Loud: Squidward, please.
Squidward Tentacles: Fine.
Luan Loud: Gotta go. *leaves*
Lori Loud: Not that way. Let me show you this again. *hits the golf ball* Now your turn.
Lynn Loud Jr.: *hits the ball but with a lot of ground* Ugh! I'm a born sportsgirl! Why am I failing?
Lori Loud: How did you become an excellent soccer player, hockey player and baseball player?
Lynn Loud Jr.: By training! I love hockey! But this game is different! I don't have patience for this!
Lori Loud: Try again.
Lynn Loud Jr.: *hits the ball so strong it caused devastation of the windmill* Wow!
Squidward Tentacles: You won't play again! You just caused your permanent ban!
Lynn Loud Jr.: I love sports but this game is too boring for me. I'm returning to soccer. *leaves*
Lynn Loud Sr: Luna, this isn't difficult.
Squidward Tentacles: Just focus.
Luna Loud: I can't! Not with this silence! I need music to focus! Silence disturbs me!
Lori Loud: This way you won't learn to play.
Luna Loud: This game is boring and too quiet! *leaves*
Lynn Loud Sr.: Your sister wants to hang out with you and this is how you repay her?
Lori Loud: Dad, this game just isn't for her.
Mr. Bump: Guys, can I have a turn now?
Squidward Tentacles: Yes, you may.
Mr. Bump: Okay. Focus on the ball.
Squidward Tentacles: *gets angry* JUST SWING ALREADY!
Mr. Bump: Okay. *swings the golf club to hit the golf ball, then trips* Whoa! *falls on the head*
The golf ball goes hole in one.
Lincoln Loud: Hole in one.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Uh, Squidward, what about playing golf. The Loud sisters left.
Squidward Tentacles: Perhaps my lawyers should explain. *points over to my lawyers Harry, Combover, and Bald*
Harry: We are the law offices of Harry, Combover, and Bald! We've never seen a more destructive play!
Lincoln Loud: *broken voice* I can't believe I'm so hopeless, I thought I'm getting better.
Lori Loud: *pats Lincoln's head* Well, nobody can be good at everything. You'll improve your skills.
Harry: Then go to a religion or an old building to demolition! There people got used to massive breaking walls and other massive devastations! You're a shame to all golfers! The mini-golf field is unavailable for...eh... who knows for long! I've seen much better amateurs! Rampaging rhinos cause less devastation!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Enough! Stop yelling at him!
Bald: Why not? We're only telling the truth to this brat!
Harry, Combover, and Bald: You're banned!
Lori Loud: Because I switched his golf ball with a rubber ball and this caused this.
Lincoln Loud: What?! Why did you do this?
Combover: Great! A demolition boy and an immature prankster. We'll seek another mini-golf field.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Uh, sirs? If we can't speak to, or play golf.
Mr. Bump: We can do the progress tomorrow. Right?
Harry, Combover, and Bald: That's not our problem. *leaves*
Squidward Tentacles: Well, I guess I'm going home now. *leaves*
Mr. Bump: Me too. *leaves*
Lincoln Loud: I deserve an answer! Why did you sabotage my training?! I thought you wanted to have a companion to play with you.
Lori Loud: I wanted you to play with me. However you began improving faster than me at your age. I got envious and...
Lincoln Loud: So you don't like competition? Are you afraid that I might become too good a golfer?
SpongeBob SquarePants: *angrily* Lori, how could you?!
Lori Loud: *gets embarrassed* I'm sorry. I know it was selfish...
Lincoln Loud: *gets angry* YOU KNOW WHAT? I BEGAN LIKING THIS GAME BUT I NEVER WANTED TO BECOME A PROFESSIONAL GOLFER. RIGHT NOW I DON'T KNOW IF I WILL EVER PLAY THIS GAME! YOU DON'T WANT A COMPETITION, HAVE IT NOT!
Lori Loud: Please don't be mad at me. I said I'm sorry.
Lincoln Loud: YOU TOLD ME THAT SPENDING TIME WITH FAMILY IS IMPORTANT BECAUSE WE ALL WILL GO SEPARATE WAYS EVENTUALLY. ON THE GOLF FIELD YOU PROVED SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. LIKE YOU SAID, ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. NOW BECAUSE IT REMINDS ME THAT I CAN'T TRUST YOU.
Lori Loud: Wait! Don't waste your potential. I just wanted to play. We can go to another mini-golf field.
Lincoln Loud: How can you guarantee you won't sabotage me again?
Lori Loud: I can't. You have to trust me.
Lincoln Loud: Fine. But remember.
He made a sign he's watching Lori. Lori took Lincoln to Huntington Oaks. There they played golf. Lori won against Lincoln who was using one golf club only.
Lincoln Loud: *sighs* I lost.
Lori Loud: 11 one hole hits for 18 isn't bad for your second play.
Lincoln Loud: That's my third play.
Lori Loud: The one I sabotaged doesn't count because I played dirty. I hope you had fun.
Lincoln Loud: I did indeed. Earlier I was just carrying your golf clubs and giving them to you. Playing is much more entertaining.
Lori Loud: I'm sorry again. I shall accept that you learn fast instead of expressing my envy.
Lincoln Loud: You know I don't hold grudges for long.
Lori Loud: Are we even?
Lincoln Loud: We are.
He and Lori shaked hands.
Lori Loud: Don't resign from more training. With better opponent I have a bigger challenge and more satisfaction from winning. Even if I lose to you I'll be glad that I trained a good player.
SpongeBob SquarePants: We can play again. Let's go to the Krusty Krab.
Slide transition cuts to the Krusty Krab.
Squidward Tentacles: *walks over to a customer* Welcome to the House of Misery. May I take your order?
Dave the fish: Yes, I would like two Double Fried Kelp Fritters, three Krusty Krab Cream Filled Corals, and four Triple Fatty Krabby Patties. Is that too much?
Squidward Tentacles: That depends...
Dave the fish: On what?
Squidward Tentacles: How long do you want to live? *laughs and walks right into Patrick*
Patrick Star: *laughs as Squidward's nose is stuck in my mouth*
Squidward tries hard to get his nose free and he does but goes flying in the process
Patrick Star: Hah hah! Squidward's funny! *looks down and picks up something* Hey, a button!
Gus the Fish: *comes in holding a pie* Oh, Grammy, I brought your favorite; seaberry pie. *notices Squidward flying toward me* Yikes! *runs away*
Squidward Tentacles: *crashes into the seaberry pie and then onto the window, then tastes the pie* Seaberries? I'm allergic to… *my body and my face puffs up* Seaberries... That's it! I know what I must do! *starts walking towards Lincoln* Lincoln!
Patrick Star: You're the prettiest button I've ev... *spots Squidward* Huh? Monster!
Squidward Tentacles: Lincoln!
Patrick Star: It's after Lincoln! *pauses and looks at the button* You're right, button! No monster is going to eat our friend! *jumps up high and yells; heads toward Squidward*
Squidward Tentacles: No, no no no wait!
Patrick Star: *lands on Squidward and starts attacking him*
They both head into the back where SpongeBob is then they start fighting.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh no! My two best friends are fighting! *takes out the restraining order* But this restraining order says I can't get close enough to break it off! *watches Squidward squirting mustard at Patrick's face
Patrick then hits him with a spatula. They both continue to roll around and fight*
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm sorry, restraining order! But my friends need me! *screams and dives toward Squidward and Patrick and breaks up the fighting* Stop!
Squidward Tentacles: *notices the restraining order in SpongeBob's pocket and takes it* Give me that restraining order!
SpongeBob SquarePants: *screams*
Squidward Tentacles: Alright, right, let's look at this.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward, please don't send me to jail!
Patrick Star: *confused* Squidward? *looks at my button* Did you know the monster was Squidward? Well, when were you going to tell me?
Lori and Lincoln Loud: *gasps*
SpongeBob SquarePants: *starts crying* I violated the restraining order! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
Squidward Tentacles: Quit bellyaching and hand me a pen.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *cries* Here you go. *hands him a pen, then continues crying*
Squidward Tentacles: Stop the waterworks! You're not going to jail.
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm not? *stops crying*
Squidward Tentacles: No! I'm releasing you from this order. *crosses out SpongeBob's name on the restraining order*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Really, Squidward?
Squidward Tentacles: And adding someone who is much more deserving!
Patrick Star: Sorry, button.
Squidward Tentacles: No, Patrick! You! *shows the restraining order with "Patrick Star" now written on it*
Patrick Star: Oh!
Patrick is still laughing hysterically.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Lincoln and Lori Loud: *walks away from the Krusty Krab*
Lincoln Loud: Well, he learned valuable lessons.
Lori Loud: Yeah, I hope too. In Huntington Oaks I had to pay more for mini-golf playing than in Royal Woods. Also car fuel didn't get cheaper.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Your golf club.
Lincoln was about to give Lori her golf club to her hands.
Lori Loud: It's most suitable for you. You can keep it and practice. Consider it as a hand-me-down from me.
Lincoln Loud: *smiles* Thanks, Lori.
Slide transition cuts to SpongeBob, Lori and Lincoln returned home. When Lori opened the door, the rest of the siblings were still fighting, much to her annoyance. She closed the door.
Lincoln Loud: I thought they'll stop when we return.
Lori Loud: We can go elsewhere. You can choose.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Laser Tag?
Lori Loud: I didn't expect this. This will be fun.
SpongeBob, Lincoln and Lori were playing in Laser Tag but both lost to a random player.
Lori Loud: That was fun.
Lincoln Loud: Agreed but bigger fun would be ID at least one of us won.
Lori Loud: In games not always it's about victory but fun. Now I know it.
SpongeBob SquarePants: How about playing chess at the park?
Lori Loud: I haven't played for long.
Lincoln Loud: Then this match can show how much you remember.
Lori Loud: Okay.
Screen cuts to exterior the Loud House.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Lincoln and Lori Loud: *goes outside*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Great golfing, aye Lori.
Lori Loud: Yeah.
Screen cuts to Lori offering her right hand.
Lori Loud: *smiles, offers my right hand* Hold my hand, Lincoln.
Screen cuts to Lincoln.
Lincoln Loud: Sure.
Screen cuts to Lori's hand offering close up.
Lincoln Loud: *holds Lori's hand*
Screen cuts to SpongeBob, Lincoln and Lori.
Lori Loud: You two, let's go to the park.
The three came to Ketchum Park and played chess. SpongeBob and Lincoln had black figures and Lori white ones.
Squidward Tentacles: I think I am allergic to seaberries. *groans*
Screen fades in black and it says "THE END". Episode ends.
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