Covert narcissist

And they know that you won't be believed...because look at how nice they are to everyone! Everyone else, that is.
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* They master the microaggression. By definition, the narcissistic personality is competitive, envious, and prone to hostile attacks. Unlike the overt narcissist's obvious one-upmanship, the covert narcissist parent uses microaggressions cloaked as oversights, slips of the tongue, humor, help, or caring concern. For the child treated to such abuse, it is death by a thousand cuts.
* They operate within plausible deniability. Covertly narcissistic parents employ indirect forms of manipulation such as dismissal, redirection, minimizing, gaslighting, and triangulation. Typically they calibrate the abuse so it is within plausible deniability if their kids or other adults question them about it.
* They look good by comparison. In many narcissistic families, a covert narcissist parent is partnered with an overtly abusive and neglectful one, allowing the covert to appear reasonable, selfless, easygoing, or otherwise "good" by comparison while playing up the long-suffering martyr routine. Children have no choice but to seek out whatever caregiving they can get from the less volatile parent in the home.
* They give intermittent reinforcement. Covert narcissist parents typically exert ongoing control over their children by sporadically offering forms of desperately craved validation, such as attentiveness, praise, caretaking, and gifts. This confusing push-pull dynamic keeps children "in the game" and coming back for more.