OOS 20

Notunoth 3, as a way to spend the afternoon before going into the tunnels to the Blight Ward to deal with a bone monster and a traitorous contact. It occurred between sessions 17 and 18.
== Transcript ==
The party is in some...kitchen that's open for rent? idk what the sitch is. did everyone tag along? anyway tallo has a recipe from xelbari, and she is ready to get kitchening. but has no real clue where to start. so she's just looking over the recipe
Ondo:
Ondo is carefully laying out various utensils and cooking implements.
Tallo:
it says to soften the butter, so she shrugs and holds a firebolt in one hand, butter in the other 
Kiono:
Kiono finds a table in the room and works on her book translation. She's mostly just here to step in if someone goes and burns down the place Tallo That's How You Burn Places Down. 
Veggrek:
“Okay, so we need the wet ingredients in one bowl and the dry ingredients in... Tallo?”
Tallo:
"uh. butter is considered a wet ingredient then, right?" 
oh no i should have gotten a bowl first it's going to melt all over me
bowl get!
and then back to softening the butter if no one stops her
Veggrek:
“I’m more concerned about you burning your hand off. Though I suppose if you can cast it in the first place...?” 
Tallo: 
"how soft does it have to be?"
Gloom:
Xelbari's Perfect Peanut Butter Cookies:
1c peanut butter
.25 butter, softened
.25 cream cheese
.5 white sugar
.5 d. brown sugar, packed
1 egg
3 milk
1 Vani
1.25 flour
.75 b. powder
.25 salt
Draw the circle. Sanctify the runes. Align the bowl with the North star....
Veggrek:
“Well, it won’t get... fuzzy. Soft like mud, not soft like kittens.”
Tallo: 
attempts to soften the butter like mud and not kittens
Ondo:
Ondo is like, laying the groundwork and getting things out, measuring them, but standing back for the actual process. 
Veggrek:
“This is— I’m afraid it’s a bit beyond me, it’s not quite like cooking...”
Tallo: 
rolls up her sleeves after putting the mud?butter in the bowl “we got this! these cookies are gonna be awesome” 
Veggrek:
“You’re absolutely right! Having a positive attitude is the most important thing!”
Ondo:
Ondo looks up. "Point of order - am I the only one here who has ever actually used a kitchen before?"
Veggrek:
Veggrek’s ears droop. “I did most of my cooking out of doors...”
Tallo: 
tallo salutes to ondo “oh master chef ondo, teach us your cookie-making ways” 
Ondo:
"I will do my best," He says, casually doubling the amount of sugar listed in the recipe.
Tallo: 
“and in return i will....uhhh give your s&s character a boost in cookie making skills?”
Tallo: 
"okay, commanding officer ondo, the butter is muddy soft! chief engineer veggrek has initiated wet and dry container separation!"
"next it says we......draw a circle?"
Ondo:
"Um yes. That part is unfamiliar to me."
Tallo: 
shrugs and draws a circle on the counter by the bowls with.....mud-butter? 
Veggrek:
Veggrek takes a small step back.
Ondo:
Ondo watches curiously. "Does it say anything about the size or shape?"
Tallo: 
"mmmm nope."
Veggrek:
“I-I mean, it makes a sort of sense. Cookies are often circles.”
Tallo: 
reads ahead to the next step after making a buttery circle roughly the size of the bowl it is next to "runes? what does that mean? the ingredients list didnt call for runes, did it?"
"also, what is vani?"
"and cream cheese?"
"and b. powder?"
Veggrek:
“I-I can... sanctify things. I’m reasonably sure.”
Tallo: 
"uh....wanna sanctify the butter circle? just in case?"
looking to commanding officer ondo for guidance
Ondo:
"I don't remember cookie-making being this complicated before," Ondo says, rereading the recipe.
Gloom:
cream together the peanut butter, butter and sugars. Make one contra revolution for every six revolutions. Invoke the name of the Ram and the Fly on the seventh seventh
Veggrek:
Veggrek performs rites, invoking the names of mostly Biltar. Just to be on the safe side. This kitchen is now sacred.
Tallo: 
tallo is waiting on an explanation for those weird ingredients, mostly looking to ondo while veg does the holy thing 
Gloom:
[bake an intelligence check, Ondo]
[unless you're interpreting the instructions, in which case, arcana]
Ondo:
[10]
Gloom:
[Cream cheese is cream cheese, Vani is vanilla, b. powder is baking powder.]
Ondo:
Ondo explains the ingredients as he fetches them, handing them to Tallo to put in the bowls.
Tallo: 
"what's the difference between cream cheese and other cheeses?"
"is this some special baking powder spell you use for anything you bake??"
[these are the types of questions she hits you with lol] 
[just for context of her cluelessness/curiosity] 
"you called this one a teaspoon, right? how do you know when to use that vs one of those cups?" 
"why is the milk in this bigger thing instead of in one of those cups too?"
[etc. etc. etc.]
Ondo:
Ondo does not know the answer to a lot of these questions, but he tells you if he doesn't and answers truthfully where he can.
Sometimes, what Ondo knows is wrong.
Gloom:
add the egg, milk, and vanilla one at a time. Mixing well each time. Between each, inscribe the symbol of the hen, the cow, and the.... bean? let's go with bean.
Tallo: 
"'align the bowl with the....' hm, im going to run outside and check the position of the sun, just a sec."
Ondo:
"Do we have to use the recipe Xelbari gave us?"
Tallo: 
stops in the doorway, her tone incredulous "why wouldn't we?" 
Ond:
"I do not understand the arcane principles behind what we are doing."
Tallo: 
"hmmm....what happens if you dont follow a recipe exactly?"
Gloom:
in a separate bowl, sift together the flour, baking powder, and salt. Sifting is completely unnecessary, but it makes it look nice.
Ondo:
"Well. Usually you get slightly unexpected results. The texture or taste may change, I believe."
Tallo: 
"oh--then it's best we follow his recipe exactly!" 
heads outside to figure out where north is
Ondo:
"I suppose you're right. Sir Andy enjoyed them anyway."
Tallo: 
"wha--? you know what. nevermind."
comes back in and puts the bowl on the north-most facing counter "is this what it means by....'align'?"
Gloom:
gradually mix the dry ingredients into the wet, mixing contraclockwise while singing the Lament of the Knighted Lily in b flat. DO NOT OVERMIX (there is a small splatter of indeterminate liquid here.)
Ondo:
"Uh... Yes. Maybe. I think."
Tallo: 
"hm. okay. this next part confuses me."
"cookie-making sure is complicated business. i thought we'd be practically done by now. why does anyone make these things if they take so much work?"
"and another thing. how did anyone figure out how to do all of this stuff. who invented cookies...?"
Ondo:
"I suppose maybe the dichotomy of work and fun is all based on personal perspective. Perhaps what is enjoyable and satisfying for one person is labour for another." Ondo stares off dramatically into the middle distance.
"And I don't know. It was before my time, so it must be ancient knowledge."
Tallo: 
"hmm...did all of these ingredients look and taste the same way 900 years ago?" 
Ondo:
"Well. Unfortunately I do not know what they taste like. But they seem about the same."
Tallo: 
holds out the recipe to veg and points to the next part of the instructions "uhh...here you do this part, chief engineer veggrek." ('cream together the peanut butter, butter and sugars. Make one contra revolution for every six revolutions. Invoke the name of the Ram and the Fly on the seventh seventh') 
Veggrek:
“I, er— Thank you.” He knows how to invoke things, at least. But he definitely opens his sacred senses to ensure they aren’t summoning dark confectionary forces.
Gloom:
The recipe is neither fiend, fey, nor angel, but something about it seems incredibly off-putting. As if in reading it, it is reading you.
Veggrek:
With a sense of anxious inevitability, Veggrek does as instructed. 
Gloom:
[make an arcana check, Veggrek]
Veggrek:
[10]
Gloom:
The ingredients are mixed together, Veggrek does his best to comply with the recipe. The wind goes still. 
Tallo: 
"uh....commanding officer ondo, i think it's your turn!" points to the next part of the recipe: 'add the egg, milk, and vanilla one at a time. Mixing well each time. Between each, inscribe the symbol of the hen, the cow, and the.... bean? let's go with bean'
tallo is watching their every move, as if she's taking mental notes on how to do the things
Ondo:
"Inscribe... Where? In the mix?"
Ondo hesitantly begins to do so.
Veggrek:
Veggrek is producing a constant, anxious whine like an unattended tea kettle.
Kiono:
Kiono looks up from her work, an eyebrow raised in curiosity, but says nothing. She just watches for a moment.
Veggrek:
"Veggrek, are you quite alright?"
Gloom:
[Ondo, make a Dexterity check, and an Arcana Check]
Ondo:
[4 Dex, 3 Arcana]
Gloom:
The mixture turns rough and begins to bubble slightly. The air pressure drops noticeably. [Roll Insight]
Veggrek:
“Bit worried, if I’m honest. Didn’t expect baking to be quite like this.”
Ondo:
[10]
Gloom:
[Perception for everyone else]
Kiono:
[10]
Veg:
[10]
Tallo: 
[7]
Gloom:
Veggrek and Kiono notice the environmental oddities.
Nothing is wrong otherwise
Ondo:
"In my experience, the kitchen is always a bit chaotic."
Tallo: 
looks at the next step: ‘in a separate bowl, sift together the flour, baking powder, and salt. Sifting is completely unnecessary, but it makes it look nice.’ “i guess it’s my turn? what’s sifting?” 
“it says it’s unnecessary, but not following this could make the cookies not turn out exact, right?? oh well, i think making it look pretty sounds easy enough.” 
Gloom:
[right now, just that things are off, not quite sure of the source, but it is very odd]
Veggrek:
“Ah, you— you sort of, um, turn it over, like mixing but not quite...”
Tallo: 
“show me?”
Gloom:
[Tallo: Dex check, arcana check, and constitution check] 
Ondo:
"Sifting is passing the dry bits so they're spread and don't clump. I think. Its been a few years."
Kiono:
Kiono watches a bit longer, but returns to her work unless something further attracts her attention. She is half paying attention now, unsure whether this "baking" is doing anything. 
Tallo: 
[dex 6, arcana 24, constitution 21]
Gloom:
Tallo's sifting job is sloppy, but most of the flour ends up into the frothing bowl. Nothing ominous happens, and Tallo manages to see the rather vigorous sifting through to the end. 
Tallo: 
“phew. this is hard work. im never going to look at cookies the same again.” 
jeffrey is a god among men
reads the next part and glances to kiono
Tallo: 
“hey kiono wanna do the next step?”
Kiono:
She looks up, surprised. "I-- uh, wh-- What's the, uh, next... step?"
Gloom:
Shape the dough into whatever shape you choose, but choose wisely. 
Bake the cookies at 350 degrees for 8-10 minutes until edges are crisp.
Tallo: 
“here.” hands her the recipe
points to ‘gradually mix the dry ingredients into the wet, mixing contraclockwise while singing the Lament of the Knighted Lily in b flat. DO NOT OVERMIX (there is a small splatter of indeterminate liquid here.)’ 
Kiono:
Kiono reads the paper, squints, then shakes her head. Softly, "I've, uh, never heard of this song..."
Gloom:
[history checks all around]
Tallo: 
[5]
Veggrek:
[1]
Ondo:
[11]
Gloom:
[Veggrek and Tallo, you think that you've heard the song, and a few lines of it appear in your memory. Ondo and Kiono, neither of you have heard of it]
Veggrek:
Veggrek hums, trying to jog memories and provide a pitch.
Kiono:
"If, ah, you tell me the .. the lyrics..."
Tallo: 
veggrek seems to know what he's about, tallo leaves it to him
Kiono:
She holds up her pen. "I might be able to write them down?"
"S-sing them from.. there?"
Veggrek:
“J-Just— bits and pieces, I’m sorry. I’ll tell you what I know...”
Tallo: 
tallo is gonna whip out her camera for this one
Kiono:
Kiono sets aside her books and takes down what Veg tells her.
Gloom:
[make an arcana check, Kiono]
Kiono:
[24]
Gloom:
The song that Veggrek pieces together from "memory" is part of a larger ritual. It is harmless if sung by someone who does not "remember" it. 
Tallo: 
tallo snaps a pic. cant hear the singing in a photo, but the memory of this will always be pretty dang funny
Kiono:
Kiono looks at what she's written down. Frowns. Then writes on a different sheet of paper another, incredibly obscure song but replacing some of the lyrics with things similar to what Veg said, which she hands to Veg. "H-hold on, I... I think I recognize this song.... Is... is this it?"
Veggrek:
“I— I can’t be sure, I’m sorry.”
Kiono:
Kiono looks at the others, amused. "Does... does anyone else remember any of the lyrics?"
Tallo: 
"nope." thought i recognized it but it's different than what veg was humming
Ondo:
"I can produce a b flat. Does that help any?"
Veggrek:
Veggrek stares at the lyrics and tries very hard to start remembering them.
Kiono:
Kiono gives the tiniest smile, amused, and walks over to the ingredients. "If... Hm. I, uh.. Please, Ondo." She looks at the ingredients and prepares to attempt this nonsense.
Ondo:
"Ahem." Ondo produces a long drawn out tone from his voice-rune. 
Gloom:
[performance, arcana, persuasion, Kiono]
Kiono:
Kiono hums along with him to find her note before beginning to sing her song - lyrics as she knows them - and does this thing. Kiono isn't amazing, but she is a good singer. Her singing voice has that sort of vaguely haunting quality to it. Very light, but potentially ominous, depending on the song and location and such.
Tallo: 
this is when tallo takes the pic
Kiono:
[17, 11, 16]
Gloom:
The song is joined by several ethereal voices as the ingredients are mixed. The resulting mixture is silky, smooth, and contains few lumps. The sky darkens. When Kiono finishes, all is still.
Kiono:
Kiono smiles at the batter when done. It's been a while since she's had a chance to sing. She turns to Tallo. "I ....think th-that's all for this part...?"
Veggrek:
Veggrek finally exhales again.
Tallo: 
shrug "let's see.....'Shape the dough into whatever shape you choose, but choose wisely.'"
"hehehe i have some ideas for this"
"but how do you...shape it?"
"is there a shaping tool?"
Veggrek:
“It- It looks like clay. Hands, maybe? Or— whatever tools are at hand, I— wouldn’t know.”
Tallo: 
"you mean we have to touch it?"
sniffs the contents of the bowl 
Ondo:
"Some people use cookie cutters that have fun shapes," offers Ondo. "I, however, do this," and he draws his energy sword
Tallo: 
"well, i guess cookie dough does taste pretty goo--oh, that works!"
"commanding officer, make a veggrek-shaped one!!"
Ondo:
"I will try. It will likely be too complex to keep form once baked though."
Veggrek:
“Permission to speak freely?”
Kiono:
"May I... see the recipe, Tallo?"
Ondo:
Ondo looks at Tallo like he's not sure who's in charge here.
"Um. Permission granted."
Veggrek:
“I, um— I think I’d rather not see my likeness distorted and then eaten, if that’s all right.”
Tallo: 
tallo's eyes get wide
"oh uhhhh i meant.....ondo-shaped!"
Ondo:
"Alright. I will attempt a warforged silhouette."
Veggrek:
“This seems like an ill omen. Perhaps we might consider objects? Or animals— oh, if you’re comfortable with it.” 
Ondo:
He holds up the sword and begins cutting into a small lump of dough. 
It looks awkward. This is not meant for this purpose.
Kiono:
“May I see the recipe,” she repeats, a bit annoyed at having to repeat her question, but not too because this is chaos.
Tallo: 
"hm? oh yup it's right there" wrapped up in what ondo's doing
then grabs a...butter knife? or some other sharp object and attempts to use it to make a xelbari cookie 
Kiono:
Kiono examines the recipe, or rather the non-food portions of it.
Gloom:
the energy sword causes the dough to bubble and bake, The cookie cracks. The room shudders once.
[Kiono: Arcana
Tallo: Arcana, Dexterity,]
Kiono:
[20]
Veggrek:
Veggrek molds a lump of dough into a heart shape.
Tallo:
[7 arcana, 10 dex]
Gloom:
[veggrek: arcana, dex]
Ondo: 
["Alright Akaros if that's you I'm going to ask you to stop doing that. If that's not you, I have some concerns."]
Veggrek:
[9,11]
Gloom:
There is a note written in draconic runes in a flowing hand utterly unsuited to draconic rubes: "Following this recipe imperfectly will lead to doom, despair, and anguish. Beware those who disregard proper convention". 
Kiono, the recipe is a ritual with two possible ends. If followed well, the cookies will grant whomever eats them a boon. If altered, or if one falls for the pitfalls along the way, a dark presence will arrive to exact an unspecified toll.
From your understanding of the ritual and what has been accomplished thus far you are on the edge of either outcome depending on what happens next.
Veggrek, your cookie seems very heart-shaped, a little... too anatomically correctly. You're not sure how that happened.
Kiono:
"Um." 
Veggrek:
Veggrek is disappointed but unsurprised. He tries to make a dolphin instead.
Kiono:
"G-guys, uh..."
"M-maybe just... make them... round..."
"I, uh, think Xelbari g-gave you a... um... a magical recipe...?" 
Tallo:
"commanding officer, sir, what does kiono mean? dont all cookies come from magical recipes???" 
Ondo:
Ondo looks up. "Perhaps I wasn't clear. The environmental effects are not part of a regular baking experience. And no Tallo, most cookies do not inherently hold arcane properties."
Tallo:
"oh. so we're making advanced cookies?"
Ondo:
"...Yes?"
Veggrek:
“Round is a good shape. Simple, but— eternal, you know? Like the heavenly bodies.”
Tallo:
"what kinds of environmental effects normally accompany baking cookies?"
Ondo:
"Mostly just a standard messy kitchen."
Veggrek:
“There’s a lot of symbolic value in a wheel, I think...”
Tallo:
looks around to see if the kitchen is properly messy
"what happens if we dont make them round in this magical recipe?" her eyes are kinda lit up
Ondo:
Ondo is carving the limbs off of the warforged he created and turning him into a circle. "I don't know."
Tallo:
"well, shouldnt we find out?"
Gloom:
The kitchen seems inordinately clean. That, however, Akaros is responsible for.
Kiono:
"I would.... suggest, um.... simple shapes. Round is s-simplest...."
Tallo:
"okay, sure. round. got it."
xelbari's face is round
Kiono:
"Um... s... squares and s-such too maybe?"
Gloom:
[everyone forming cookies, make a dexterity check. Then, make an arcana check, or choose someone to make the check with advantage.]
Ondo:
[16 Dex]
Veggrek:
[16 Dex]
Tallo:
[7 Dex]
tallo's attempt at xelbari. she presses the face shape in with her fingers. one of the "horns" wont stay attached. 
Veggrek:
“I-I’m going to make a lozenge. And— is a star too complex, do you think? What about an escutscheon?”
Kiono:
[18]
Gloom:
The cookies are formed into various shapes by the party, and arranged and placed into the oven by Kiono. There is a steady hum from the oven, and a faint violet glow. The sun darkens as if behind a total eclipse, and lightning crackles across the sky in large spiraling patterns through the clouds, until a thunderbolt strikes the building.
The timer dings, and conditions return to normal. You have perfectly normal-looking cookies.
They smell peanut-buttery and delicious. They seem perfectly, unassumingly normal.
Tallo:
tallo goes to take one and then realizes ouch hot
Ondo:
"Here. We will put some on a plate to cool."
"...Perhaps we should have them magically examined in some way before consumption. Or we could feed one to Akaros."
Tallo:
tallo gets a smirk on her face
"i like the way you think, commanding officer. here you go, gramps, eat xelbari!" 
Ondo:
"Weird way to phrase that one, perhaps." 
Ondo offers a cookie to Akaros but isn't forcing it at the cloak.
Gloom:
The cloak forms a shadowy maw, and eats the cookie. Ondo, you feel a strange warmth from your core. Roll a d6
Ondo:
[1]
Gloom:
(your strength score increases by 1, as does your maximum in that score. Roll a d6) 
Ondo:
[3]
Gloom:
(your constitution score increases by 1, as does your maximum in that score.)
Ondo:
"Well I feel stronger so that's not normal - wait maybe it is, I've never eaten before. Is that why you're all so obsessed with food?" 
Kiono:
"N-not literal strength..? It, ah, is more... just feeling.. complete?"
Tallo:
“okay but more importantly”
“gramps how did it taste”
Kiono:
Kiono eyes the cookies.
Akaros:
"Fine, if a bit over-sweet."
Tallo:
“success!!!!!!!”
“we did it!” high fives all around
Kiono:
awkward high five because what?
"Should... we eat them then?"
Tallo:
“i bet i could totally make these myself next time too. ill need the paper with that song on it, hehehe”
Ondo:
High five. "I do feel oddly more powerful though. Not exactly like when Akaros ate the tomb monster."
Tallo:
“je—i bet no one would believe it!”
“i made cookies! i helped deliver water! look out world” said in a joking but satisfied way 
Kiono:
"Oh, uh, um. The ... the song w-was, ah.... a trap. Don't, uh, sing the song."
Tallo:
“???”
Ondo:
"What?"
Kiono:
"It, ah.... the ritual has... it w-was a trap"
Veggrek:
“But— but it said to sing the song?”
Kiono:
"The.. that portion is, uh. Well, I... don't know why they were... included, but they were a trick."
Tallo:
grabs a cooled cookie to celebrate her little victory
Kiono:
"S-singing it would have... done bad things."
but she also grabs a cookie because yay cookies
"Xelbari is a, uh, strange person."
munch munch
Ondo:
"How did you know?"
Veggrek:
Veggrek hesitantly takes a cookie too, not one to be left behind.
Tallo:
no way, xelbari is amazing
Kiono:
"Oh. The..." She points at the runes. "The recipe says so."
Tallo:
“what? where?”
the recipe didnt say xelbari is strange, no way! oh wait, she means the song 
Kiono:
"M-mostly. It is, ah, I know, um, a bit about. This. Kind of thing?" 
Ondo:
"Where did you learn? Is it something you could teach?" he asks, curiously and softly. 
Tallo:
“what sort of bad things would it have done?” 
Kiono:
Kiono blinks in confusion at Ondo. "I.... don't know. I-I was taught, b-but... I've never, ah, taught."
"It, ah, does not say e-exactly. S-something about a, uh, dark entity exacting payment..."
"Don't sing the song."
Tallo:
baking is way more interesting than i gave it credit for. wonder if jeffrey does magical baking too? 
i cannot wait to share this with cecily
man, what kind of dark entity....
what kind of PAYMENT?
also good to know that kiono, or at least nice-kiono, can read this kinda stuff 
Ondo:
"Why would Xelbari... I don't understand."
"Was this a test?"
Gloom:
[Roll insight, Ondo]
Ondo:
[1!]
Gloom:
Xelbari is either a sinister entity that must be stopped, or he gave Tallo the wrong recipe by mistake.
If it was a test, you probably passed, though
Kiono:
"Xelbari is.... a strange person." She shrugs, barely not dropping the rest of her cookie in the process.
Ondo:
Ondo silently swears a confused vendetta against Xelbari, then he remembers that the cookies made him stronger and he's not sure.
Gloom:
[cookies exist in the loot cards tab, if you eat one, go ahead and roll your 2d6]
Kiono:
"He's a good cook, though," she adds quietly after a moment, finishing her cookie.
Tallo:
“so you dont follow the recipe exactly. got it.”
you think xelbari is strange, yet you have a thing for izora??
Ondo:
"Hm. Sometimes unexpected results are not bad ones."
Kiono:
"Y-yes... Th-there could be more oddities... I can, ah, look for other, um, traps?"
Tallo:
this requires a kitchen though. and a lot of time and supplies. though i learned a lot about the process, i need to figure out how to make things that are easier to be self-sufficient about... i bet veg could help. will have to ask at some point. im sure i could offer something in return.
“do it.”
Kiono:
Kiono looks at the recipe, glances at the cookies, and grabs two before returning to the table. She takes a moment, eats another cookie, nods. "It is a good cookie." She copies the recipe and the accurate portions of it, assuming she finds the other traps.
Gloom:
She develops a "safe" ritual over about half an hour. It feels somewhat ominous, regardless.
Kiono:
and then Kiono goes back to her dang book oh man she will never finish this thing haha
Ondo:
Ondo sets to work putting the kitchen back the way they found it.
Veggrek:
Veggrek does his best. And also helps Ondo clean the kitchen.
== Trivia ==
* Everybody had an increase of +1 to two possible stats as a result of eating the cookies. 
** Teer increased Strength and Constitution by one each 
** Renn increased Strength and Intelligence by one each 
** Kiono increased Wisdom and Charisma by one each 
** Ephemera increased Dexterity by two
** Veggrek increased Constitution and Wisdom by one each
* The cookie recipe is one of Gloom's, albeit his is lacking the magical bits. Probably.
Category:OOS