Into the Fanon-verse

Into the Fanon-verse is the eighth episode of Season One of The World of SBFW.
==Transcript==
[Episode begins with Polar looking nervous. Primitive approaches her]
Primitive: Hey, what's up?
Polar: Meh.
Primitive: What's wrong?
Polar: I've got a bad feeling today.
Primitive: Shouldn't that be everyday?
Polar: Yeah, but I've got an extra bad feeling today.
Primitive: Why would that be?
Polar: Jasbre is acting a little more… loony than usual.
[Cut to Jasbre inside his headquarters laughing maniacally]
Jasbre: Yes! Yes! I finally did it! After all these years it's finally complete!
Polar: (from outside) What's that, Better Days season three?
Jasbre: Wha- where'd you-
Primitive: Hey Jabrini, what's all the hubbub?
Jasbre: Shut up, I'm trying to laugh like a James Bond villain.
Primitive: Why?
Jasbre: You wanna know why? I'll tell you why.
[He enters an elevator. While he rides it, a muzak version of the theme song plays. He reaches the ground level and exits the headquarters]
Primitive: So… can we know why you're so loony?
Jasbre: Are you crazy? I'm always loony! (He starts bouncing all over the place)
Primitive: Well, yeah, but… you seem looni-er today. Can we know why?
Jasbre: Yeah, I guess I can tell you two.
Polar: Yeah. (She takes out a walkie-talkie) This is Polar Puppy to Wicked Witch. Can you hear me, Wicked Witch? The Jasbrinator is about to tell us his plans.
[The camera pans over to CrazySponge with a walkie-talkie]
CrazySponge: he is??? oh happy happy joy joy!
Jasbre: Wha- Heinz? Oh no, I'm not telling you.
[He puts corks on CrazySponge's ears]
CrazySponge: aw, c'mon! you never tell me anything!
Jasbre: I know. Anyway, drumroll please.
Primitive: Sorry, I don't think any of us play.
Jasbre: (sigh, looks towards the camera) Could we get a sound effect or something please?
[A drumroll sound effect plays]
Jasbre: Thank you. I have successfully invented a time machine!
Polar and Primitive: Ooh.
Jasbre: Copyright Jasbre Corp.
CrazySponge: what did he say i have muffins in my ears
Primitive: Are you gonna go back in time to see dinosaurs? Or, or the pyramids? Or-
Polar: Or stop SBFW from being created?
Jasbre: Well I like that idea, but I was thinking more along the lines of killing Heinz when he was a baby.
CrazySponge: what'd he say?
Polar: Eh, nothing important.
Primitive: Isn't that a bit harsh, even for us?
Polar: I've done worse.
Lock: Did someone say kill CrazySponge?
Jasbre: Well, yeah. I did. I was gonna use my handy-dandy time machine to kill him when he was a baby.
Lock: Why not just kill him now?
Jasbre: (sigh) I tried.
[Jasbre takes out a gun and shoots CrazySponge. Everyone else gasps. After ten seconds CrazySponge comes back to life]
CrazySponge: i'm okay
Lock: Ohhhhh, so that's how he keeps surviving those houses.
Primitive: I assumed he had a clone-based system.
CrazySponge: nah i just eat my cheerios. they're good for you
Polar: Immortality. Noice.
Jasbre: Anyway, I'll see you all later-
[The camera pans over to Polar, Primitive, CrazySponge, and Lock in the time machine]
Jasbre: What the- get out of there!
Primitive: Ooh look at all the buttons.
Polar: I wanna press them all.
Lock: What does this house button do?
CrazySponge: i don't wanna find out
Lock: But I thought you were immortal.
CrazySponge: i am, but that doesn't mean death still hurts
Primitive: There you have it folks, from the Box Productions CEO CrazySponge himself. Death hurts.
Jasbre: PolarTem, PrimitiveSponge129, CrazySponge, and Locknloaded23! Out of that time machine!
Polar: Ooh what does this big red button do
Jasbre: NO DON'T TOUCH THAT-
[Polar presses it and the time machine closes and starts to shake]
Polar: Sayonara!
[pause]
Polar: Wait, why aren't we-
Primitive: Oh, cool. It's like one of those arcade machines!
Lock: I'm gonna be sick.
CrazySponge: cool toy
Jasbre: No, no, no! Press the button again, for the love of christ!
Polar: You mean the big switch thing? Okay.
Jasbre: NO!
[She pulls the switch and the time machine vanishes]
Jasbre: I- (sigh) I like 'em, well, three of them anyway, but even I gotta admit. They're brainless as fuck.
Look at that sun, look at that sky,
Look at my sweater vest, it looks so fly!
Look at that mailbox, look at that tree,
It's about as beautiful as it can be!
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh,
Today is gonna be exceptional!
Never boring, even for a minute,
It's my world and we're all living in it!
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh,
(We're all living in it)
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh,
Never boring, even for a minute,
It's my world and we're all living in it!
[Cut to the machine travelling through some time vortex or some shit.]
Polar: You know, in retrospect I didn't really think this through.
Primitive: Eh, we need an episode somehow.
CrazySponge: (burp) i shouldn't have eaten 16 bowls of cheerios for breakfast. i should have eaten 17
Lock: I prefer Corn Flakes to be honest.
CrazySponge: WHAT
Polar: Huh, so does Dan.
CrazySponge: WHAT
Primitive: Of course we start arguing over breakfast cereals while we're stuck travelling through time and- where are we going anyway?
Polar: It says here we're going to… The World of SBFW.
Primitive: Isn't that where we started?
Polar: I think so. I haven't paid attention in history class. I was too busy thinking about se-
Primitive: I think we're landing.
Polar: Can I finish?
CrazySponge: yeah can she finish?
Lock: AIDAN!
CrazySponge: what
Lock: I oughta mute you for that.
Primitive: Do mutes even work across time?
Lock: Well, there's only one way to find ou-
[A white light flashes the screen.]
Lock: Shit, we're here!
Primitive: Oh good. I can't wait to go to bed and sleep.
CrazySponge: i can't wait to go to bed and ja-
Lock: AIDAN!
Polar: Are we going to get out of the time machine or stay here and talk about sexual intercourse all day?
CrazySponge: one of those sounds great to me
Lock: THAT'S IT! .mute @CrazySponge
NotSoBot: ⛔ Moderator or Above Only
Lock: What? Why didn't it work?
CrazySponge: ha! wait… lemme try something. .mute @Locknloaded23
NotSoBot: okay, muted laffy#8095
Lock: WH-
CrazySponge: huh. that actually worked.
Primitive: Okay, fun is fun. Now unmute Lock.
CrazySponge: what if i don't want to
Primitive: ni-
Polar: Okay, out of the time machine everyone.
Primitive: Eh.
[The four exit the time machine in the spot where they got in.]
Polar: Huh. Nothing changed.
Primitive: Rip-off.
Polar: Maybe we haven't travelled too far?
[Golfpecks rides on-screen on a skateboard and 80's teen clothes]
Primitive: What the fu-
Golfpecks: How do you do, fellow gnarly dudes? Welcome to the totally radical World of SBFW, dudes!
Polar: Okay, maybe we have travelled too far.
Golfpecks: Remember to listen to some tubular music everyday, dudes! It's the work of God after all! Catch you later gnarly dudes! (He rides off)
[The four just stare silently for a few seconds.]
Polar: Was that-
CrazySponge: golfpecks, uh huh.
Primitive: Someone pinch me. I think the machine must have blown up after we entered and I am now in a coma.
[Polar pinches him.]
Primitive: Well then.
Lock: mmm-mmm-mm!
Primitive: Oh yeah, we really should unmute her.
CrazySponge: what? i'm enjoying this.
[They all look at him.]
CrazySponge: fine. .unmute @Locknloaded23
NotSoBot: ok, unmuted laffy#8095
Lock: AIDAN!!!!
CrazySponge: uh oh. .mute @Lo-
[Lock punches him]
CrazySponge: at least now you know how i feel.
Lock: Nah, it's funnier when I do it.
Primitive: If Golf is like that, how does everyone else act?
Lock: Prim, you're not suggesting we fuck around here?
Primitive: Oh yeah. It's not like the machine's gonna go away or anything.
[They turn to each other and grin. Cut to a building labeled Pox Broductions. Screams are heard from inside]
Lock: Besides the name everything seems normal so far.
CrazySponge: do i need to mute you again?
Lock: Erm, no sir.
Alternate Universe CrazySponge: (inside the building) WORK HARDER, BASTARDS!
CrazySponge: okay, i don't say that
Polar: I can legally not confirm or deny that.
[Cut to inside the Pox Broductions headquarters. Alternate Universe CrazySponge is whipping his workers]
Alternate Universe CrazySponge: MORE EPISODES OF ALPOOH'S HORRIBLE PARK! HURRY UP, I NEED MY MONEY!
Primitive: Hot damn.
CrazySponge: that's definitely not me
Alternate Universe CrazySponge: HURRY UP! WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M PAYING YOU?
Alternate Universe Jasbre: You don't pay us, sir.
Alternate Universe CrazySponge: DON'T TALK BACK TO ME! (He whips Alternate Universe Jasbre)
CrazySponge: (grins) jasbre works for me here?
Primitive: Hot damn [2].
Alternate Universe Matchy: Sir, don't you think you're being a bit harsh?
Alternate Universe CrazySponge: HARSH? HARSH?? AHAHAHAHAHA!!! IT'S FRIDAY, MIREFATCH! THIS IS MY NICEST FORM! NOW BACK TO WORK YOU N[redacted]ER
Polar, Primitive, CrazySponge, and Lock: :holupsquid:
[Alternate Universe Aaron walks up to the four]
Alternate Universe Aaron: You four! I need you to sign this petition!
Primitive: What's it for?
Alternate Universe Aaron: It's a petition to outlaw all music.
Polar: What? Even Lil' Pampers?
Alternate Universe Aaron: Little who?
Polar: Eh, nevermind.
Primitive: But why would you want to outlaw music?
Alternate Universe Aaron: Because it's the enemy of the state. It's the work of the devil! The last time I listened to that monstrosity I felt my ears were going to explode! Music is going to destroy humanity as we know it!
Alternate Universe Golfpecks: Oh come on, Aaron. Music isn't that bad!
Alternate Universe Aaron: Yes it is.
Alternate Universe Golfpecks: But music is great, diggity dog!
Alternate Universe Aaron: LIES! LIES! DON'T LISTEN TO HIM!
Alternate Universe Matchy: Oh yes! More drama! I love drama!
Polar: I think we've travelled further than I thought.
Primitive: This isn't just through time! It's like… a whole other dimension.
Alternate Universe CrazySponge: WAIT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?
Primitive: I, uh, howdy?
CrazySponge: uh, hello me
Alternate Universe CrazySponge: YOU'RE ME? AHAHAHAHAHA!
CrazySponge: o
Alternate Universe CrazySponge: O? WHAT KIND OF RESPONSE IS THAT?
CrazySponge: well, you know, it's like when you wanna contribute to a conversation but don't know what to say. so you're just like, "o".
Alternate Universe CrazySponge: YOU DO SPEAK SOME SHIT, DON'T YOU?
CrazySponge: well yeah
Lock: I think this might have been a bad idea.
Primitive: Would make a good fanfiction though.
Alternate Universe Primitive: I hate Garfield.
Primitive: Nevermind. We need to fucking bomb this place.
Polar: But that might cause our dimension to explode or some shit.
Alternate Universe CrazySponge: WHAT THE HELL IS EVERYONE TALKING ABOUT?!
CrazySponge: o, us four are from an alternate dimension, or at least that's the current theory.
Alternate Universe Primitive: That would add up.
Alternate Dimension Golfpecks: Wondered why yo' gnarly dudes were actin' so chill.
Alternate Universe Polar: Temmie is the worst Taleunder character.
Polar: WHAT
Alternate Universe CrazySponge: ALRIGHT, THIS IS COOL AND ALL BUT HOW'D YOU GET HERE THEN?
Polar: Oh, we stole some machine Jasbre made.
Alternate Universe Jasbre: YOU DID WHAT-
Polar: Our Jasbre's machine.
Alternate Universe Jasbre: Oh.
Lock: I wonder what my alternate universe counterpart is like.
Alternate Universe Lock: j;
Lock: Oh.
Alternate Universe Lock: Oh, I'm sorry, did I hurt you?
Lock: What-
Alternate Universe Lock: Yeah, sorry.
Lock: No, what are you-
Primitive: Oh, so i guess instead of telling everyone to shut up all the time-
CrazySponge: ahem.
Primitive: You're… like this.
Lock: I do not tell everyone to shut up all the time.
CrazySponge: you do.
Lock: Shut u- point made.
Alternate Universe CrazySponge: YEAH, ANYWAY, BACK TO WORK, MY SLAVES!
Alternate Universe Jasbre: Yes, your highness.
[CrazySponge grins]
Lock: Is it just me or is this alternate universe is looking kinda like a dystopia.
Prim: Are you implying our universe isn't?
CrazySponge: eh, i like this place.
Lock: Well I mean of course you do. What I'm trying to say is that we should probably think about getting out of here at some point.
CrazySponge: WHAT? but this place is perfect! i wanna stay!
Lock: Eh, well suit yourself.
Alternate Universe CrazySponge: HEY, WHY AREN'T YOU FOUR WORKING?!
Polar: I thought we already explained.
Alternate Universe CrazySponge: Oh, uh… (he pulls a contract from behind his back) SUBSCRIBE TO THE OFFICIAL CRAZYSPONGE DIED MAGAZINE! GET NOTIFIED CRAZYSPONGE, THAT'S ME, DIES! AND WIN FREE PRIZES EVERY MONTH!
Lock: Ooh.
(Lock, Prim and Polar pull pens from behind their back and sign.)
CrazySponge: why the hell would i subscribe to a magazine that notifies me everytime an alternate universe counterpart of myself gets crushed by a-
Alternate Universe CrazySponge: JUST SIGN IT!
CrazySponge: well alright then
(CrazySponge signs.)
Alternate Universe CrazySponge: HA! NOW YOU MORONS WORK FOR ME!
Polar: wait wut
Primitive: Fuck, that's the oldest trick in the book.
Lock: I did say we should have gotten out of here, but no, no one listens to Lock.
Polar: Hey, I got us here in the first place.
Primitive: Is that supposed to make us feel better?
Polar: Well, no, but credit where credit is due.
Alternate Universe CrazySponge: QUIT YOUR JABBERING AND GET TO WORK!
[Cut to the four in the writer's room for Alpooh's Horrible Park.]
Polar: Well this blows.
Lock: Hey, in this universe the show is actually good! Who would have thought?
Primitive: Don't you work on HFB back in our universe?
Lock: No comment.
Alternate Universe CrazySponge: ALRIGHT, YOU FOUR ARE TO MAKE A NEW EPISODE WITHIN THE FIVE MINUTE @everyone DEADLINE 🚨🚨🚨🚨
Polar: Okay, but what's the plot?
Alternate Universe CrazySponge: THAT'S FOR YOU TO FIGURE OUT. NOW WORK!!
[A.U. CrazySponge leaves.]
Lock: I know! How about an episode where Alpooh gets trapped in an alternate universe and gets enslaved!
Polar: Damn, where'd you come up with that one?
Lock: I dunno about you but I'm going home. This place is weird.
[Paul Renaud enters.]
Paul Renaud: Hey guys.
Primitive: Mr. Renaud?
Paul Renaud: Yeah, you forgot about me already? (chuckles)
Polar: No, we're from an alt- nevermind.
Primitive: What are you doing here?
Paul Renaud: Oh, I got out of prison a few months ago and have since reformed as a born-again Christian, God bless y'all, and have been hired as a part-time intern at PB. Prim? What are you doing here?
Primitive: We're from an alt- it's complicated, okay?
CrazySponge: alpooh's horrible park? what kind of a name is that? ew this show sucks. character development, ew.
Lock: So you agree about getting out of here then?
CrazySponge: yeah, lets go.
Paul Renaud: Woah, dudes, no one who enters PB Inc. ever leaves.
Polar: I thought you were working here part-time.
Paul Renaud: Yeah, but they never specified how much time I'm gonna be here.
Primitive: So what are we supposed to do then?
Polar: It's probably been five minutes, and Alternate Universe CrazySponge is gonna come back and be pissed.
Primitive: Maybe… if I distract him… he won't be as pissed.
Lock: Distract him? How?
Primitive: You'll see.
[A.U. CrazySponge comes back.]
Alternate Universe CrazySponge: THAT EPISODE BETTER BE FINISHED OR I'LL WHOOP ALL YOUR ASSES!!
[Primitive starts doing a distraction dance. The other three are not in shot.]
Alternate Universe CrazySponge: uh… what are you doing?
[Cut to Lock, Polar and CrazySponge crawling across the floor under several tables towards the door.]
Lock: (whispering) Ugh, this isn't going to-
CrazySponge: shh!
Primitive: I'm, uh, distracting you.
[pause]
Alternate Universe CrazySponge: well, uh, it's working.
[A.U. CrazySponge starts dancing too for a few seconds before stopping.]
Alternate Universe CrazySponge: WAIT, DISTRACTING ME FROM WHAT?!
[He turns around to see the other three running out.]
Alternate Universe CrazySponge: CEASE THIS BLASPHEMY!!!
[A.U. CrazySponge starts chasing them down the hallway.]
Paul Renaud: Well, uh, bye then.
Lock: I told you this wouldn't wor-
CrazySponge: yeah yeah, you can be all sassy about this later when our lives aren't potentially at risk here!
Polar: Melodramatic much?
Lock: Wait wait, I thought you were immortal?
CrazySponge: i am, why are you-
Lock: If you're immortal, then maybe…
Polar: You're not suggesting what I think you're suggesting, are you?
[Lock grins.]
Lock: LOOK OUT - HOUSE!
Alternate Universe CrazySponge: Look out for wha-
[A house falls on A.U. CrazySponge and he fucking dies.]
CrazySponge: oh god oh fuck
[Primitive catches up to them.]
Primitive: Well that was super easy, barely an inconvenience.
Polar: I thought we already did CrazySponge Died: The Episode.
Lock: The writers are really lazy, aren't they?
CrazySponge: fun fact - pointing out lazy writing doesn't actually excuse it
Lock: Oh yes, thank you for that TED talk, creator of Hoopla's Fantastic Beach. Can't wait for your next one about telling the wiki staff how to do their jobs.
CrazySponge: hey, im content mod.
Lock: Eh.
[Polar looks up at the broken ceiling.]
Polar: Hope they have insurance.
Primitive: Where are we?
Lock: Oh yeah. We are in the chamber room.
Primitive: Why would they need that?
Lock: To burn the souls of the damned.
CrazySponge: i, uh, don't know what you're talking about
Polar: Well I mean I'm going to hell anyway so uh-
Primitive: How do we get out of here?
CrazySponge: well if i was a certain stickfigure i would take out a tool from pop-culture to get us out of here and maybe steal a diamond along the way, but i'm not, so i can't.
Polar: Shame. That sounds really cool.
CrazySponge: yeah, but it, heh, ain't happening.
Lock: So how do we get out of here?
Polar: Maybe through the front door.
Primitive: Shit. A dramatic moment foiled by common sense.
[Polar opens the "front door" revealing SpongeBot tied up in a closet.]
Alternate Universe SpongeBot: (muffled) Uh… hi.
[Polar closes the door unfazed and opens the real front door next to it.]
Polar: That's more like it.
[CrazySponge vanishes]
Lock: Uhh… where did CrazySponge go?
Polar: Some weird time travel shit?
Primitive: I think that because we killed Alternate Universe CrazySponge, our CrazySponge is gone too, resulting in some weird paradox shit.
Lock: It's a win-win then, amirit-
[Primitive slaps her.]
Lock: Ow!
Polar: He'll come back though, right?
[The alternate universe starts collapsing and shit. Black holes manifest. Everyone is screaming. Total apocalypse]
Polar: That's a no?
Primitive: You fool, you doomed us all. We should get out of here while we still can.
[The time machine gets sucked into a black hole]
Primitive: Well shit.
Polar: What a bogus journey this has been, which I definitely did not have any part whatsoever in getting us into.
Lock: I guess this is it. Goodbye losers. I won't miss you.
Primitive: I won't miss you either.
[Polar starts fading away.]
Polar: Who are you two again?
Primitive: Pfft, welp.
[Lock starts fading away too]
Lock: What's a house?
Primitive: Pfft, welp. [2]
[Primitive starts fading away as well]
Primitive: Before I go, I just wanna say this from the bottom of my heart…
[Silence]
Primitive: Cock and balls.
[He fades away. Explosions. The screen glitches out. The motherfucking end.]
[Except it's not. Cut to Polar waking up startled in her bed]
Polar: Aw. For a second I thought I was done with TWOS.
[The camera pans over to Primitive standing at the end of the bed.]
Primitive: Happens to all of us.
Polar: GAH! What the fuck are you doing here?! Were you watching me sleep?
Primitive: No.
[pause]
Polar: Anyway, I had this really weird dream. Jasbre had built this time machine and the both of us went in it, and CrazySponge and Lock were there too, and we like went to this weird alternate universe where everyone acted strange, (deep breath) and Golfpecks liked music and shit, and we killed the alternate universe CrazySponge which fucked up time and shit or something and then we all died.
Primitive: Huh. I had that dream too.
Polar: Wait, really?
Primitive: Yeah. Jasbre had a machine. The four of us went in. We killed CrazySponge. And we all died.
Polar: Wait… maybe that wasn't a dream.
Primitive: (laughs) Nah, of course it was. I guess we just have some telepathic bond or something.
Polar: Okay, that sounds weirder.
[CrazySponge bursts through the door.]
Polar: I really need to get a door lock.
CrazySponge: GUYS, GUYS, THERE YOU ARE!
Polar: I'm-
CrazySponge: okay so i had this really weird dream and-
[Jasbre climbs in through the window and shoots CrazySponge with a memory-erasing gun.]
Jasbre: Nuh-uh you didn't.
Primitive: What the-
Jasbre: (sigh) Thanks to you bunch I just had to go around fixing up time itself, and what thanks do I get?
Polar: Wait, so it wasn't a-
[Jasbre shoots Primitive and Polar too.]
Jasbre: When the effects of this mind-wiper wear off you will remember nothing that just happened, okay?
Primitive, Polar and CrazySponge: (in a weird monotone voice) Okay.
Jasbre: Good.
[Lock bursts through the wall]
Lock: GUYS, I HAD A-
[Jasbre shoots her with the memory-erasing gun too]
Lock: Uh, what's a house?
Jasbre: (sigh) I really need a wikibreak or something after this.
[Jasbre walks out of Polar's house. We see Alternate Universe Golfpecks riding on his skateboard]
Alternate Universe Golfpecks: Remember to listen to some totally radical music everyday, you totally tubular teens!
[Golfpecks shoots him]
Golfpecks: No.
[Golfpecks disappears. Explosions, black holes, screams, and shit. The end.]
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