Pathetic Waste (song)

"Pathetic Waste", stylised in all caps "PATHETIC WASTE", is a song by Australian artist Zheani. It was released on June 7, 2023, through Access as the lead single from Zheani's sophomore mixtape, The Spiritual Meat Grinder. 
==Background==
Due to Patreon restrictions and lack of information, not much is known about the backgrounds and development of the track. The producer of the track, VenesiaWorld, posted on their TikTok account at least two videos with alleged snippets of the song which have since been taken down. There may have been more snippets and information released other than on Patreon.:File:VenesiaWorldTikTokEvidence.png 
The song itself explores internal conflict and doubt with chorus lyrics stating "What if I'm one of the bad people?", shedding light on moral implications of our actions as humans, specifically as we grow and develop through judgement. Zheani has personally said that this single displays how she is "married to ADD". She says that she "also realises that the way I am is never going to change and as much as I feel haunted and sabotaged by this part of myself I know that I need to integrate and embrace the shadows because there is no getting rid of them". We can make the assumption that, along with the metaphor of marriage, that she is "rebirthed" due to her repeating the phrase "Happy birthday darling! We love you very, very, very, very, very, very, VERY MUCH [red balloon]" under the comment section of Pathetic Waste's music video to those expressing that their birthday was on the day of release, to which Zheani also used the same message on one of her Instagram post's caption. She also confirmed that the cake is a birthday cake by making a reference to "the Pathetic Waste birthday cake scene". 
30 minutes before the official release, she posted an image of the cover and the first few seconds of the music video with a caption reading: New music when? New music right now. 
Surprise! Pathetic Waste is OUT NOW follow the link to watch the music video! PATHETIC WASTE is an internal monologue, the kind of self deprecating stream that runs through an ADHD mind in the face of failure. This river of vitriol flows for years eroding away at your heart more with each wasted day...
did you miss me? I missed you xZheani was featured in a Revolver article titled "SEE ZHEANI FACE DEMONS IN STUNNING VIDEO FOR NEW SONG "PATHETIC WASTE"".https://www.revolvermag.com/music/see-zheani-face-demons-stunning-video-new-song-pathetic-waste The article featured a message from Zheani:"My music is almost always defiant and affirmational", "Within it, I'm a warrior, a goddess. I am victorious in my art because I so desperately want to be victorious and for my victories to be loved. My fans see me this way, like an avatar, someone powerful and larger than life. But with 'Pathetic Waste,' I try to be more honest about the mundane struggle that my life can often feel like. The pain that my own inadequacy can cause the ones I love. The missed opportunities and squandered relationships. All of this falls in my wake as I drudge forward thinking, 'What if I'm one of the bad people?'"Zheani made an Instagram post a day after release showing some alternative covers for the single which did not make it. She says that the chosen cover "looked like the demon sword in the video and the way my hands made it look like wings... I'm superstitious so I obviously had to accept this as a fated sign". In this post, she also says that she is "obssessed with the serendipitous nature of the Taurus full moon", a nod to her zodiac sign.https://www.instagram.com/p/CtNTpw1BkU6/?hl=en The day after this post, she made another post of a photoshoot for the music video.https://www.instagram.com/p/CtP_aQFPo8p/?hl=en Many days later on 15 June 2023, Zheani released a clip on her Twitter and Instagram of the "after party" for the music video in which "No Sex With Cops" by Brutalismus 3000 plays in the background. Within the caption of this post, she confirms that the cake is indeed a birthday cake as she refers to the cabin scene as "the birthday scene".https://www.instagram.com/p/CtiU7SfAIKR/?hl=en Some privated Instagram accounts also posted some behind the scenes images, although most of this is not avaliable.
==Personnel==
===Musicians===
*Zheani - songwriter, lead vocals
*VenesiaWorld - producer
===Visuals===
*Mik Shida - director, animator, set design, editing
*Zheani - producer
==Lyrics==
These lyrics were taken from Genius and were posted by Zheani.https://genius.com/Zheani-pathetic-waste-lyrics
==Music video==
The music video for this track was revealed to the public a whole day before the official album release as a video premiere on YouTube. Snippets of what was thought to be the music video were shared by the producer in now deleted TikToks and the first tweet Zheani made regarding the album release showed her wearing a similar (if not the same) dress as in the music video's thumbnail - a wedding dress. She also finishes her tweet with "ummm can I marry myself?", possibly hinting at the fact that a theme in the music video is marriage, as suggested by the wedding ring and cake in the thumbnail (this eventually links throughout the music video). Roughly 30 minutes before the premiere, Zheani posted on Instagram the album cover and the first few seconds of the music video. All of the visuals are done by Shida.
===Thumbnail, contextual links and analysis===
The thumbnail for the music video contains 6 dramatically white-masked figures with long, silky black robes and gloves (some with other accesories such as furry scarfs too) standing in front of a white wall (Zheani has suggested that these figures are "shadows" of herself that she needs to integrate into herself, which she then links to the family portrait at the end of the actual music video) with a triple-panel window (similar to those of a bay or French window) that has thick frosted glass and deep black matte painted borders right in the centre which connects to what appears to be a support ceiling of black wood (confirmed in the music video). On the white wall, there are also two miniature masks that can be seen. There are also thick white "lines" and "shapes" that cover some of the left side of the window and other places of the set, which are revealed to be white crosses in the music video. This entire room is also revealed to be something like a church or cabin. Zheani herself has long black and frizzy hair with an iconic purple fringe, wearing a puffy white wedding dress that falls from her shoulders (this wedding dress is a metaphorical reference to Zheani being married to ADD). In front of Zheani, there is a round table covered with a white cloth that has a black-lined crochet design that forms a spoon-like shape, almost resembling a flower, which is then revealed to be Zheani’s sigil - a recurrent symbol throughout the music video. On the centre of the table, there is a vibrant pink and heart-shaped cake with a fancy-crochet style cake confirmed to be a birthday cake (which has "Pathetic Waste" written on it) with eight visibly lit black candles (could be a reference to there being one missing, her real self, hence why she asks if she’s one of the bad people as another part of her is “evil” and the other is being indecisive). On Zheani's left hand, she wears a ring and a bracelet. This is circled with a thick red. At the top, slightly to the left, there is also a thick red circle, but it is cut out of the frame. This alone could be referencing marriage or love being a "pathetic waste" as you can easily blow out a candle, but using the knowledge from the music video and lyrics, this could show how doubtfulness creates chaos. 
===Live chat===
During the video's premeire, Zheani first made three comments in the live chat: "I'm nervous", "I'm a pathetic waste" and "who has heard this song already?". The former implies that the song was shared on Patreon. Zheani then asked the live chat, "​Should I do a Q&A in the YouTube comments after the premiere?", subsequently agreeing with "​okay that is definitely a yes". With only 12 minutes left to the premiere starting, she commented: "​I'm so excited for you to see what Shida HAS DONE! he snapped so hard it's insane" and then "<3". Shida, the director, also appeared in the live chat.
Zheani made some longer comments:"Thanks for coming back so strong for this release everyone xo I'm really glad I made the conscious decision to zone out and take a moment to refill my inspiration."
"It's so easy to get caught up in the music release hamster wheel content creation grindset and I am convinced it's creative cancer"
"you're always here for me and I am always here for you - in my music - there really is no need for me to be chronically online. Anyway. breaking my foot was a blessing in a curse"She then commented "8 minutes" and asked "​WHERE IS EVERYONE WATCHING FROM???" and "AUSTRALIA". During this time, Pathetic Waste was made streamable on all platforms. Afterwards, she said "​can't wait to tour and meet you all" as well as "I've been rehearsing for my show this weekend and DARK MOFO! so excited and proud to have the opportunity". 2 minutes left, "once the premiere is over - make sure everyone spams the comment section. Lets make the numbers on this one stupid to confuse the haters".
Just before the premeire started, she said "I'M BACK" and said "​THE SPIRITUAL MEAT GRINDER IS COMING", making a reference to the title of one of her Patreon posts which could be a new mixtape or track. She then said "OKAY". At this point, there were around 600 people watching live. She says, "​CHAT'S GONE NUTS". 
At the end of the music video, she commented "What if I'm one of the bad people?", making a reference to lyric in the song. After this, she commented "THE SPIRITUAL MEAT GRINDER IS COMING" again, possibly hinting at a new track. She then says, "​I LISTENED TO THIS ONE ON REPEAT - by about the 100th listen it just hits different and enters your soul" and "okay time to watch that again".
Zheani then proceeded to comment some of the official lyrics "My heart is broken. And I’ve lost all hope. And I will never change. I know I’ll stay this way", "My face feels numb. I don’t even know if I deserve love. I’m afraid of what I want. What if you’ve had enough?". "What if I'm one of the bad people?", "What if I'm one of the bad people?", "What if I'm one of the bad people?", "What if I’m one of the bad people?What if I’m one of the bad people?What if I’m one of the bad people?What if I’m one of the bad people?What if I’m one of the bad people?", "what if?". 
She did not end up doing a Q&A as she hoped due to YouTube closing the live chat., although in an Instagram story a few hours after the release, she said she would do a Q&A in the comment section of the video.
===Questions and answers===
This features recorded questions and answers from the music video comments. Updated from 9 June 2023 at 00:55 UK time.
Question 	Answer
As someone who suffers from anxiety/depression, this felt like a mental breakdown. 10/10 love it. If you’re still answering questions- Do you have any tips on managing your mental health (besides making cool songs about it)? Also, any book recommendations for someone who likes DUNE, 1984, brave new world, etc? - Asked by "Loreshan Smith"	With my job I have to push myself really hard, I feel like a big key I'm currently working on is recognising the signs of burnout as opposed to just being tired from hard work. Learning when I can push on through discomfort and when i'm about to literally crash myself. Strategic self care and time off actually saves time in the bigger picture. For real though the songs do help.
Hi Zheani! I LOVE your music and i think you are absoluetly amazing!! I'm thinking of getting your sigil "spiral" sign tattooed, but im not sure of the meaning behind the sign, do you mind explaining it? Love your new Music Video!!! - Asked by "》 Tropix 《" 	I'm going to write a piece explaining the meaning and magick behind the sigil in detail on my Patreon fairly soon.... having said that I think it's more exciting having it be mysterious for the greater public.
since you are in the process of building (or have already built) your studio in poland, can we count on a small concert someday? you have a lot of fans here! luv ur music x - Asked by "edith" 	It's a long ad frustrating story but the studio is unfortunately still not finished and I can't afford to finish it at the moment... BUT I promise you I will do a concert in Poland one day and it might not even be small x
Where do you get your creative inspo from? Everytime you drop the visuals I’m in love - Asked by "Ella" 	with this song I felt like I needed visuals to add depth to the fairly straight forward lyrics. So I took the visual metaphors that would best illustrate the meaning of the song and used them as the basis for the aesthetic. I feel married to this ADD shit and I’m constantly fighting demons with a demon sword. I also realise that the way I am is never going to change and as much as I feel haunted and sabotaged by this part of myself I know that I need to integrate and embrace the shadows because there is no getting rid of them.. I guess hence that lovely family portrait at the end
QnA️ how do you get over artist/writers block? I know it cant be easy staying so creative. Also how do you overcome perfectionism like that funky feeling that your art isnt perfect even tho in reality its amazing and youre just trippin? - Asked by "Swanky Luchador" 	Hey Sweetheart! I was originally a perfectionist to the point of complete stagnation. My biggest tip is to just try do better than last time (that's good enough) and failing that just say "I will do even better next time" and keep moving.
Q: is there more planned before THE SPIRITUAL MEAT GRINDER ? i cannot wait to hear GP [presumably: Growing Pains] ️- Asked by "E N D" 	When I'm back from my show this weekend I will begin work on an absolute masterpiece of a track. It's going to serve cunt.. and I mean that in the most literal way. That's all I can say right now xx
Q&A - Hey <3 I’ve got two questions, are you planning on concerting in Europe ? And what does the symbol you often use mean? Thank you sm love your art. !!!!! U inspire me - Asked by "Tatuuu" 	Yes 100% I want to tour Europe but I still have a bit to go to make it happen. I'm going to write a piece on my Patreon clarifing what the sigil means to me soon...but having said that I think there's excitement in it being a bit mysterious.
Hey Z. How are you? I hope you, your family and friends, and your collaborators are happy and thriving. Q. I know you're super busy rn and that you've got new music coming but have you got anything creatively brewing on the horizon not associated with right now? How far ahead are your concepts and ideas? - Asked by "Dhianna" 	Great question! I have a book I’m working on long term. I’ve already done a draft version that I sent out to my patrons which was so great, but the final coffee table version won’t be done for another 2 years. I was in Portland earlier this year working on “THE ALBUM” which is a similar/slightly sooner time expectancy than the book. I am also wanting to create an independent film! Plenty to do and only one short life! one step at a time
Hi zheani q&a question. What got you into music? Also would love to see u in Perth if not I’ll save up and fly out to see u live haha love you!!! - Asked by "Finny porpoise" 	hi finnifoo!! I spent my early 20s in a weird vocal paralysis. Like… I didn’t know how to use my voice. One day I realised my demons and experiences that I was suppressing deep inside were eating me alive and I forced myself to start expressing myself. Probably why my music has a lot of emotions, held it all in for too long and it made it all distilled to intensity.. I would love to do an Australia tour where I visit every state. I’m sure it will happen soon!
Love you Zheani!! How are you queen? I have a question for you. What inspired your new era/ new mixtape? Sorry if that’s a stupid question haha! Also I agree with finny porpoise come to Perth if you can one day we love you <3 - Asked by "Seraphene Arena" 	The Spiritual Meat Grinder is a bacchanal. Initially it was going to be a DnB/Dance record and that influence stayed but it definitely melted a bit and got very emotional.
Q: do you see there being a potential UK tour/show in the future? You have so many fans here 🥹🥹 - Asked by "Nuri Nater" 	I know sweetheart. I'm working on it. x
would you ever do a show in france??? I've been wanting to see you live for ever ;u; <333333 - Asked by "aranelfe" 	Oui x
Question, where are you living at the moment? i keep seeing things about overseas but i thought you lived in aus - Asked by "Avery Charlotte" 	I tried (and failed) to move to Europe. It's a long story that I will go into eventually. I'm feeling really content living back in Aus, really feeling like I'm developing a proper support system and healthy lifestyle more than I've ever had before. Australia isn't the best place for me to be as far as my career goes... but it's the best for my soul so so be it.
A question for you, would youu ever consider doing an Australasian tour, like NZ and Aus? - Asked by "Phweebus" 	100% I can't give timeframe at the moment, but it will happen. x
was filming in the sea scary at night? love u so much 🫶 - Asked by "el" 	It's an extremely powerful and sacred beach. I've been very scared there many nights but in a good way. x
Brutalismus 3000 feature when? - Asked by "Cemo k" 	I WISHHHH
==Gallery==
File:Pathetic Waste MV1.jpeg
File:Pathetic Waste MV2.jpeg
File:Pathetic Waste MV3.jpeg
File:Pathetic Waste MV4.jpeg
File:Pathetic Waste MV5.jpeg
File:Pathetic Waste MV6.jpeg
File:Pathetic Waste MV7.jpeg
File:Pathetic Waste MV8.jpeg
File:Pathetic Waste MV9.jpeg
File:Pathetic Waste MV10.jpeg
File:BTSPatheticWaste.jpg|An image from the Instagram (@looksee.lex) of potentially one of the shadow figures in the Pathetic Waste music video. The masks from the video can be seen on the table with the cake.
==Charts==
This is unavailiable.
==Release history==
Pathetic Waste release history
Region 	Date 	Format(s)	Label 	Ref.
Various	June 7, 2023	streaming	Access	
==Trivia== 
*It is likely that a lot of the track was shared on Patreon prior to its release.
*This was thought to be a title track for Zheani's debut album. 
**For context, there was confusion as to whether Zheani was releasing a "full length debut album" or a mixtape in 2023.
*This track symbolises Zheani's "marriage to ADD", rebirth, and the assimilation of good and bad, simply letting go.
*The producer posted at least two now deleted TikToks featuring snippets of the track and its music video. 
**This is also the first time Zheani has worked with this producer.
* In the thumbnail of the music video, there are 6 red balloons, 6 black-robed figures, and 8 lit candles.
**This could be a reference to the "devil's number" (666), as suggested by the number and the colours red and black which are consistently associated with "the devil" in pop culture.
**There are 8 black candles and 7 individuals present, this could demonstrate that Zheani’s fighting off the “bad people” as she, another part of her, is essentially the 8th candle, causing there to be 2 versions of her: one “good”, the other “bad”. Although, Zheani confirmed that the shadowy figures are in fact apart of herself which she believes she must integrate with as shown by the family portrait at the end of the music video.
*The first tweet Zheani made referring to the album, Pathetic Waste, shares two images of her in a dress of what we assume is what she is wearing in the music video's thumbnail - a wedding dress, another common theme.
*There are two red circles in the thumbnail, one in the top centre-left hand corner that is chopped off and another circling Zheani's left hand which has a ring on the index finger and a bracelet.
*A common theme in the thumbnail, the music video itself and information from the tweet would be marriage.
*During the live chat, the spiral emoji was used consistently to refer to Shida.
*The music video included shots in a red-Christian-crossed black abyss, an animation, a beach scene and a cabin/Church birthday scene.
==Notes==
==References==
==Navigation==
Category:Stub
Category:Pathetic Waste
Category:Single
Category:Song
Category:2023