Botulean

In this commercial, Keyz sells a rather extreme and dangerous weight loss aid.
== Script ==
Announcer: Hey listeners! Looking to lose 10 lbs for the prom? Is bikini season coming, but your too lazy to work out? In today's age of long work and school hours, commuting, and caring for your family, there are just not enough hours in the day to fit in proper diet and exercise. And new diet pills boasting exaggerated and unsubstanciated claims aren't going to help knock off the extra weight. But now there is is a product that is guaranteed to work. From the good folks that brought you Fizzy Jizz cola and Period Pieces comes...
Botulean, the quick and easy way to lose weight.
Botulean is an active botulism culture that can be added to any food or drink. It is colorless, odorless and tasteless, so there are no worries about ruining the flavor of your favorite meal. Simply spray your food with Botulean and eat. Within 30 minutes you will be puking and shitting your way to a slimmer, sexier waistline. But don't take our word for it! Let's hear from Tha Mike of The Awful Show about his experience with Botulean.
Tha Mike: My wife Ariana was concerned about my weight so just this past weekend she sprayed my Delmonico steak with Botulean. I ended up having to go to the hospital after passing out Saturday night dehydrated after all the shitting and puking I was doing, but the good news is, in just one weekend, I lost 14 pounds! Thanks, Botulean!
Announcer: Botulean is the only food additive that prevents weight gain at the source, digestion! By eliminating its ability to retain food, it allows your body to feed off of the fat already stored. Within just days, your body will be burning fat like crazy to simply maintain organ functions, leaving you to enjoy seeing lower and lower numbers on that bathroom scale. If you have been frustrated by hard-to-stick-to diets and worthless diet pills, you need to try Botulean. 
Botulean! It's weight loss, out the ass...and the mouth!
(sped up) Botulean should not be used by women who are pregnant or nursing, children under 6, or the elderly. May cause ulsers, acid reflux, heart palpitations, high blood pressure, kidney failure, hair loss, edema, paralysis, and premature death.
== Notes of Interest ==
* This commercial was borne out of an actual experience of Tha Mike when he suffered food poisoning the previous weekend.
Category:Faux_Commercials