12 Days a Slave

The Most Shocking Christmas Story Ever Told...
Prologue
Christmas is in the coming days. You know what that means? Family time. My family lives a few blocks away. I could walk there, but my town has been hit with a wave of blizzards lately. The roads and sidewalks are so bad from all the snow you can't even step in them. So I figured why not just ship myself there? Yeah, put myself in a big box and have the UPS truck drop me off on their porch. That will be fun.
I recently bought a new refrigerator and I still have the massive box for it. I'll ship myself in that. Before I got it out, I went to go put on an elf outfit. I'm sure that will give my family a big laugh when they open the box, haha. Thankfully I live next to the post office, so the shipping should be seamless. At worst it will take a day for me to get there. But oh well. I have some candy canes in my pocket in case I get hungry. I got out the giant cardboard refrigerator box, strapped it to my back, and out the door I went into the unbearable weather.
Brr! Finally made it to the post office. "Sign this please." the lady behind the desk asked me. You know, maybe this isn't such a good idea... What if shipping gets delayed? That could be really bad for me... Like when my parents go to open the box, the only thing they'll find is an elf corpse. But I'm gonna do it. Gotta do it for the meme. Another problem, I forgot my parents' address! Uh... is it this? (I can't show it due to personal reasons.) After signing it, I was told to put the box in the back room, where the USP guys will later take it to the truck. There was no one in there. Perfect! I hope the lady doesn't notice I never left, haha. I said my prayers and hopped in the box. This is it. The point of no return. Here it goes!
Later, the post office people came in and lifted up all the boxes and chucked them in a delivery truck. "Some idiot forgot to duct tape this! Can you believe it?" A post officer commented. "Ridiculous. I just don't understand people these days" another officer of post commented. What a bunch of jerks... I didn't have any duct tape! The two jerk officers picked up my box and threw me in the back of a haul truck. Oof! Be a little more careful, guys? Maybe I should've put "fragile" on the outside. Minutes later, the truck started up and drove off into the night. Something about riding in the back of a moving vehicle is just so satisfying. I'm also getting sleepy... Hopefully I'll see my folks in the morning!
Day 1
On the first day of Christmas Santa gave to me: creee-eepy cook-innnng!
I began to slowly wake up. I was freezing to death! Yep, this is definitely my parents' porch. My feet were so numb from the cold, and my legs were aching due to being cramped up in this box. I sure hope they open it soon. And geez, the wind is really bad out. It sounds so ghostly from inside this box... SOMEONE LET ME OUT! The post officers sealed this with the world's most powerful duct tape, so I couldn't escape by myself. Then, the box lifted up. Whoever picked it up was carrying it with their hands, which means this person had to be huge. Mom?
After a few moments I realized the box wasn't going inside of the house, as I heard the scrunching of snow. After a minute I began to move around violently to get their attention. But nothing. "Hey! Help! Somebody's in here!" I shouted. But they apparently didn't hear me. A few more steps later, the temperature got warmer and the wind stopped. The box was then set down. I must be in a house. I... don't think it's my parents' though. "Ho ho ho! I've been waiting for this!" a familiar jolly old voice of a man shouted. That's when they began opening the box up with a box cutter. The man reached his big, red arms inside the box and forcefully pulled me out.I was in the hands of a stranger... But I didn't panic. I felt safe. That's when I came face to face with my childhood idol; Santa Claus!
Santa dropped me to the floor. I let out a faint cough and huddled up on the warm floor shaking from the cold. I looked around. My shaking of freezing turned in to shaking of joy. I was in a Christmas wonderland! Red and green decorations along with multi-colored lights everywhere... There was even the tallest Christmas tree I've ever seen in the middle of the room! There had to be a hundred presents under there. I then tilted my head up to see the man himself. Santa Claus.
I picked myself up off the ground and stood up. Santa had a scraggly white beard, oval-shaped glasses, a white shirt, and red overalls. He also had a very large belly, of course. "Ho ho ho! I'm so glad you arrived! I was getting worried that you might have not shipped here." "Huh? What?" I questioned. "I ordered you online from the Elf Factory. I needed a new elf. My last one, unfortunately, died -- but not in a toy-making accident! Ho ho!" Santa laughed. "So now you're Santa's new helper!" he continued. "Whoa, whoa, whoa! I didn't come from no elf factory! I meant to ship myself to my parents' house, but I somehow ended up here! Wait a second... AM I IN THE NORTH POLE!?" I cried.
Santa adjusted his round glasses and threw his hands on to his belly. "Of course you are! But whatever the case is, you're my new elf now!" Santa stated with a smile. "I-I I'd love to, but I need to get back home. This is all a big misunderstanding. I shipped myself to the wrong location." I tried explaining. "Ho ho! I'm afraid I can't do that. The plane doesn't return for another 12 days. This is your new home, and will be much better than your old home, that I can guarantee." Santa said with a warm rosy smile. I was going to demand to be taken back some more, but this is freaking Santa Claus we're talking about here. This is a rare opportunity only a few people in the entire world have had the pleasure of doing. I better make the most of this moment because I may never get it again. Besides, I bet toy making is higher pay than my job back home.
"So, what does 'Santa's little helpers' help out with?" I asked. "Things. Lots, and lots of things." Santa said in a calm voice followed by a wink. I looked at him with a smile. "For your first job, you must bake cookies with me!" Santa cheered. Baking cookies? Sounds fun! Santa grabbed my shoulder and walked me to the kitchen, which was connected to the living room. Everything in the kitchen was made out of wood, even the bowls. What's cool is that has a long horizontal window that stretches to the end of the room (which is huge). Outside was nothing but snow, and the sun was setting a little.
Santa poured flower into one of the wooden bowls and cracked some eggs. He told me to stir it. I grabbed a wooden spoon. The smell of it was very pleasant, along with the scent of gingerbread candles burning on the counters. The scent, the warmth, the love... I never felt better! I then began stirring. "Oh dear! That's not how you stir it!" cried Santa. He hurried over to me and gently grabbed my arm. "This is how you stir it..." Santa said while holding on to my hands. We began softly stirring the batter with our hands glued together. Santa was clingy on to the back of my body too, with his face pressing against the side of my face. He was a little much in my comfort, but I kinda loved it. He's such a sweet and caring man.
He was glued to me for several minutes, still stirring with my hands. He took his other arm and put it on my stirring hand. He let out a "this is the life" sigh. He was getting more touchy. "Santa, I think it's done." I commented. "Let Papa Santa be the judge of that. Ho ho." chuckled Santa. I began to sweat a little. The jolly fat man in red would not let go He then dipped my finger into the batter and put it in his mouth. I quickly pulled my finger out. "Ho ho! Very good!" Santa proclaimed with a big smile that stretched across his red face. Whoa, what was that all about? Santa needs to chill if you know what I mean.
"You're going to be Santa's best helper, I can feel it!" Santa said as he picked up a red container. "Would you mind pouring this into the batter?" Santa continued. I grabbed it from him and opened the lid. Inside was this red liquid with an odd smell to it. "Uh, what is this?" I questioned. "Ohh, don't worry about it! It's Santa's secret ingredient." He explained. I stared at it a bit. "Go on, pour it in there!" demanded the big man in red. I hovered the container over the batter, ready to pour it in the bowl. But before I could... "Here. Let me help you out with that."
Santa grabbed my arms from behind. I nudged him. "No-no, I got it." I assured him. "Ho ho, ho! I see. You're a fighter!" Santa strangely commented. If Santa keeps up this creepy behavior, then this is going to be a long 12 days. I poured the strange red liquid in to the bowl and stirred it. After that, Santa dumped the contents into a pan, followed by him shoving the pan in the oven to bake. "It might be a while... Say, what to play a game? Me and the elves used to love playing it." Santa asked. "Uh, sure! What is it?" I replied. "It involves your body... Charades!" Santa revealed. "Oh, yeah, I'll play." I said. "Okay, guess what this is!" Santa said before... Before... Uhhhh... HELP.
I won't go into details, but what followed was Santa doing a lot of inappropriate posses, that made me feel VERY uncomfortable. 'Guessing' the poses was the most awkward thing to ever happen to me. It was very creepy, but Santa still came off as his jolly old self. Why is he like this? Is he just willfully ignorant? I hope so... 'Cause I'm growing more and more concerned by the minute. His behavior is questionable despite his warm presence. I just want to go back home.
DING!
"Oh, the cookies are done!" Santa exclaimed, getting out of his inappropriate pose. Santa hurried over to the oven and slipped on some Christmas oven mitts. He pulled out the tray of cookies and gave them a large sniff, followed by a loud moan. "These, are the best cookies EVER!" Santa declared with glee. He hasn't even tasted them and they're already the best cookies he's ever had? "Go on, take a seat." Santa asked of me. There was a small wooden table with wooden chairs next to the kitchen. I took a seat as Santa pranced over to the table with the tray of lovely scented cookies. I was expecting Santa to take a seat in the chair across from me, but he instead grabbed the chair and sat right next to me. Since the table was small, Santa's large mass took a lot of my space.
"I would bake cookies with Mrs. Claus every day. I miss her..." Santa pouted. "Where is she?" I asked. "It doesn't matter. Let's just enjoy our wonderful batch of cookies." Santa said with a faint smile. Hm. I wonder what happened to Mrs. Claus. I reached my hand out for cookie, until Santa gently slapped my hand. "Here, I got it." Santa said as he grabbed the cookie I was about to grab. He tore a piece off and said: "Open wide!" I-Is he serious? But I guess I had no choice. I awkwardly opened my mouth wide for Santa. He shoved his fingers inside my mouth and placed the cookie on my tongue. He took his fingers out and put his hand under my jaw, pressing up and down on it. "Good elf... Eat it up." he whispered. A big smile swept across his face as he stared intently at me chew on the cookie. I'm going to die.
We munched on some more cookies (luckily he didn't shove anymore in my mouth) before Santa declared it was time for bed. It was dark out, but the sun wasn't even fully set. Oh well, I guess Santa and crew love their early shuteye. Santa placed his big hand on my back and led me down a hallway before taking me into a room. He flipped on the light switch. "Here. This is your room." Santa announced. The room was a little small. There was a red and green bed with a nightstand and a window where you could see the North Pole's icy mountains out in the distance. It looked pretty cozy. "Get some rest, my little snow angel." Santa said whilst patting me on the back, followed by slow back rubs. He's so nice, but I feel so weird at the same time. Maybe I'm just being a bit too sensitive. Maybe up in the North Pole this is normal behavior.
I hopped in my cozy warm bed and fell asleep within minutes. However, I was later awoken due to a sound. A very persistent and ongoing sound. I got out of bed to investigate. The sound got louder as I walked down the hall. It was coming from Santa's room. I peaked in from the corner... and saw that he was crying. He was sitting on his bed, holding a photo of Mrs. Claus. He cried some more, then hugged it. I got teary-eyed upon the sight of this. Is... is Mrs. Claus dead? There's no way.. If so, no wonder why he gets so touchy with me. He's just lonely.
Santa wiped his nose then turned his head back in my direction. I immediately got out of view and silently ran back to my room. I hopped into bed and pretended to be asleep. Moments later I could hear heavy footsteps coming down the hall. "Sniiiiff" sniffed Santa. He was in my room now. I could hear and feel his footsteps get closer. He walked to the other side of the bed, where my back was facing. I could then feel his weight press on the bed. Santa let out another big sniff and propped himself onto the bed. Should I pretend to stop sleeping? I really don't know what to do... I then felt large, warm arms wrap around my body. Santa was cuddling with me! He was still crying a little too. Aww, poor guy... I feel so bad. I would complain about being unconformable some more, but I just can't. I mean, he does feel pretty warm. I should stop with the negative thoughts and go to sleep. And so I did...
Day 2
On the second day of Christmas Santa gave to me: horriiiblle embarrasssmeeeennnt!
I woke up. The bight North Pole sun shined through the window. It was morning, and Santa was no longer in the bed. I got up and walked to the living room area. Santa was sitting on the couch reading a letter. "Good mornin'!" he greeted. I yawned and went to the other couch and took a seat. "Watchya' reaadin'?" I asked. "Ho ho! A boy's Christmas wish list, what else?" Santa answered gleefully. It's really starting to settle in this is actually Santa Claus. I still can't believe I got here. Stupid me didn't know my parents' address... But whatever. "By the way, I've prepared some delicious blueberry pancakes with gingerbread sprinkled atop... Just for you!" Santa revealed. "Really? Thanks!" I exclaimed. I hurried over to the pancakes and began scarfing them down. They were delicious!
"That was the best, Santa." I complimented. "My pleasure!" Santa said before going back to intently reading his letters and writing down names on his list. There was a bit of silence in the room, because he was obviously busy. But then I thought of something to say. "Hey, Santa..." I said. "Yes my little helper?" he questioned. "I... I have a wish myself. I wish to see my family again." I announced. "That's very sweet of you, but as Santa's helper, you don't need any wishes! Trust me, nothing gets better than this!" Santa replied. Uh, what? "So does that mean I won't see my family ever again?" I continued. "I didn't say that, now did I? Ho ho..." Santa chuckled. That gives me some hope.
Since he was clearly busy, I didn't have much to do. I really didn't want to bother him either. "Santa, is there anything I can do as your elf?" I asked. "You are not needed now my little buddy. But you can go shower if you'd like. You've probably been in that costume for a while now." Santa suggested. "Yeah, definitely. Where are the showers?" I asked. "Down the hall to the left." he replied. I got up from the kitchen table and headed my way there. "I'll have a new costume ready for you when you get out." said Santa. I thanked him then continued onward.
I opened the door and stepped in. It was all one big room with two shower nozzles on one wall. What appeared to be a locker room was just across from the shower room in the hall. I stepped back out and went into the locker room. The lockers were red and decorated with white spirals on the borders, as well as multi-colored Christmas lights stretching atop all of the lockers. Literally every room in this place is oozing with the Christmas spirit, I love it. Then again, Santa basically owns Christmas. I stripped off my elf outfit and tossed it to the floor. I was now completely naked. I probably should've wore a shirt and briefs under it, but oh well. I stepped out of the locker room and quickly sprinted toward the shower room. "Ho!"
I stopped. I turned my head in the direction of the "ho." It was Santa, standing there... staring at me naked! I quickly put my hands around my penial area and pushed myself into the shower room. "S-sorry" I awkwardly muttered before the door closed. My face was completely red... I can't believe Santa Claus saw me naked! I was so embarrassed I don't even think I could shower. I then felt something press up against the door. I took my back off the door and turned around. "The new outfit I have prepared will look amazing on you! Ho ho ho!" Santa hoed while gently pushing on the door. The door then shut and he walked off. Oh my yikes... I can't believe this!
Despite feeling very violated, I carried on with the shower. I turned the water nozzle on and began washing away. The gingerbread shampoo and candy cane body wash smelled very nice. Minutes later I turned the nozzle off, as I was done. I went to reach for the toweeeeelllllluuuuhhhhhh.... uhhh... There is no towel. SHOOT! How did I not realize? I'm in the shower room. So it's probably in the locker room. I opened the door and quickly darted my soaked body to the locker room. Thankfully Santa wasn't in the hall ready to stare at me. Phew. Alright. Now I just need to look for a towel. I walked around the room a bit. Don't see one. Maybe they're inside one of the lockers. That's when I began opening the lockers one by one. No towel, no towel, no towel, NO TOWEL! Where are the towels at?
I then heard a noise from outside the room. It sounded like a door opening. I rushed to the door and peaked out of its little window. It appears Santa has entered the shower room. Is he taking a shower? Or is he looking for me? I waited a few minutes. He was still in there. I opened the locker room door and stepped out. I tip toed up to the shower room door and peaked in, where I saw Santa washing his naked body under the steamy hot water. I looked away in disgust. I just saw my childhood idol naked. I... I need to go bleach my eyes. But first I need a towel. A TOWEL! Wait... If Santa's showering, that must mean he knows where a towel is at! So I guess I'll just wait.
I scurried back to the locker room and hid in one of the tall lockers. I'll stay hidden in here until after he gets done getting dressed. Then when he leaves the room, I'll have the precious towel all to myself. A minute or so later, Santa entered the room. There were tiny holes in the locker, so I could kind of see the outside. But just barely. I'm glad too, because I saw way too much of Santa earlier. I don't to see him like that ever again. "Hm hm hm, where did the towels go?" Santa questioned himself. My heart sank a little when I heard this. H-He doesn't know where a t-towel is at?! "Are they in here?" Santa said as he opened the locker I was hiding in.
My eyes. His eyes. Both as big as Christmas ordainment orbs (our balls too). In a panicked fit I darted out of the locker, but doing so made me slip on the wet floor. "Ho ho!" Santa hoed as I tried to position my feet whilst trying to run for my life. I positioned myself a bit and propelled forth. And by 'propelled' I mean my head and by 'forth' I mean the ground.
Day 3
On the third day of Christmas Santa gave to me: chores and tasksss to dooooooo!
My vision started to come into view. My sense of feeling, smell, sight... It's all coming back. Aagghh! My head... it feels so sore. And where am I? It's so dark in here. It definitely isn't my room, because what I'm laying on isn't a bed. It's flat, hard, and cold -- basically the opposite of what I've come across here so far. I could also feel I was still naked. I feel so vulnerable, so uncomfortable. W-what's on my head? I-It feels like a football helmet. And I can barely move! Where am I?! And what's this strange substance I can feel all over my body? I dipped my finger in it and put it in my mouth for a taste. That's when I came to the horrifying conclusion it was glue!
A light from above then shined down onto me. It reminded me of surgery... I'm very worried. I moved my head to look around. I could see a bit more of the room now thanks to the light, but it still wasn't enough. The room appeared to be large though, with what appeared to be Christmas themed boxes all over the floor. The light then moved away and something else came into view. It... It looked like a box? There were two mechanical arms attached to the ceiling holding it. It was hovering over me, then stopped. WHAT. IS. HAPPENING. Did I get abducted by aliens while I was knocked out or something? The mechanical arms then titled the box over. And it all came crashing down onto me.
Candy canes. Dozens and dozens of candy canes were dumped onto my glue covered body. My head, and the the rest of my body in pain. Have you ever had a million candy canes poured on you? IT HURTS! The mechanical arms then moved away followed by the light shutting off. "HELLLP!" I cried desperately. That's when the main lights in the room came on. The door to the room opened, and in came Santa. "Ho ho, ho! Like your new outfit?" he asked. "W-what? This is my outfit?!" I questioned. "What, you don't like it??" Santa asked baffled. He seemed a bit miffed when he said this. "I-I-I-I-I-I-I just didn't know this would be it! It hurts, and doesn't feel good!" I cried to Santa. "I made that outfit just for you, you should be grateful! For heaven's sake it's the Christmas season!" Santa exclaimed, a bit annoyed that I'm not of fan of this ridiculous 'outfit'.
"I miss being an elf!" I shouted. "You're still an elf." Santa declared. He walked over to me, pulled off the football helmet, and put my elf hat on my head. "There! See?" he said. I let out a big sigh. Santa then unlatched me from the table. "Turn around." he demanded. "Uhh, what?" "Please. Lay back down on the table, this time on your belly." Santa demanded once more. And so I did. "Ho ho ho!" Santa hoed as he squirted by back with more glue. "Ah! It's cold!" I cried. Santa ignored me. He then just dumped the whole bottle of glue on my back. It was a VERY unpleasant experience. Then came the worst part. My back was assaulted by a thousand more candy canes that stuck to my back. "All done!" Santa declared as he unlatched me from the table. I let a groan due to the pain. "W-why?" I blurted out as I got up from the table. "Because it's new, stunning, and modern." Santa said, describing my 'outfit'. He's delusional! "You'll grow to love it eventually. Now, come. Let's go make supper." Santa said as he walked me out of the junk room.
"You were out for a whole day. Can you believe it?" Santa commented as we walked to the kitchen. "Really? That's insane..." I replied. And yeah, it was. How did my head hitting ground cause me to black out for an entire day? I took that shower at around 10 AM yesterday, and now it's like 4 PM. So I was out for 30 hours?? No way. He probably sedated me or something. Anyway, I helped Santa get some pans out from the cabinets. I still couldn't get over my 'outfit'. It's literally just dozens of candy canes stuck to my body. I HATE IT! But I better not complain, otherwise I'm "ruining the spirit of Christmas" or something. But I figured I'd strike up a conversation as we got the utensils out.
"So where are all the other elves?" I asked. "They're over the mountains. They live in a village. Every year we make a contract where I pay them to help me get things ready for Christmas. Making toys, wrapping presents, jolly old things like that. But this year I decided not to renew the contract." Santa explained. "Huh. Why's that? Who's gonna help you do all the--" Santa put his hands on the table. "Look, can we just focus on making supper?" Santa said, interrupting me. "Uh, yeah. Sorry." I replied. "You. You're the one who's gonna help. You'll do good." Santa said, answering my question. I don't know why he's so touchy about this, but maybe it has to do with Mrs. Claus. I'm still afraid to ask about her.
Santa went to the freezer and pulled out some pre-made gingerbread men. He took them out of the package, placed them on a flat pan, and slid it into the oven. He got out another package and did the same thing. "Gingerbread snacks? Nice, I li--" "No, it's supper." Santa said interrupting me once more. "Oh... That's fine too." I replied. Man, he's really snappy. I really did set him off by asking him about the elves. Now I feel bad. Santa got out some more gingerbread men. He took them out and put them in a bowel, where he proceeded to scrunch them up with his bare hands. He then ripped a candy cane off me and began violently chewing on it. He devoured the whole thing in two bites. He crunched on it some more with his mouth before spitting it into the bowel. Is he serious? There's no way I'm gonna eat that. "Umm..." I questioned. "It's not for you." Santa stated. Oh. Then it must be for him. "Wait here." he said before walking off with the bowel and leaving the room entirely. Where's he going?
30 minutes went by before he returned. While he was away I just lounged around, thinking about everything that was and has been going on. Santa walked in with the bowel. It was empty. Hmm... Now that I think about it, he probably went go feed the reindeer. "How's the reindeer doing?" I asked. Shouldn't have done that. Santa stopped. He turned his head toward me. He then turned to the oven. "Oh SHIT!" he cursed as he rushes to the oven. D-Did Santa just swear?? Black smokes poured out of the oven as he opened it. He quickly put on some oven mitts and pulled the big tray out. The gingerbread men were all horribly burnt. Santa. His face... it was so red. But not the usual rosy red he's known for. This was an angry, hot red that looked like a chili pepper. His arms. Shaking in anger. Oh no no no... Why didn't I check on the gingerbread men while he was away??
Santa raised the tray of gingerbread men and slammed it to the ground. He raised his boots off the floor and began furiously stomping on them. "Pick 'em up, bitch!" Santa aggressively cursed at me. I stared at him with my mouth agape. That's when he charged at me, which instinctively made me flinch and try to get away. But it was too late. Santa grabbed me by the neck as I almost fell to the floor. He slapped me in the face with his other hand. "I SAID TO PICK THEM UP!" he screamed in my face. His face was so unbelievably red, with his eyes bulging out of his head. He threw me down to the ground on top of the super hot crumbs. Santa stomped to the oven and pulled out the other tray. He slammed it on the counter and proceed to pelt the burning hot gingerbread at me. I winced and groaned in pain as the candy canes on me started to break off from the assualt.  "PICK THOSE UP TOO!" he yelled.
"Please, please Santa! I beg of you! I'm sorry!" I cried and pleaded as I looked up at Santa. He was bearing his teeth and his fists were shaking in anger. They shook even more as I said that to him. And it looked like tears were beginning to swell in his eyes. Santa walked over to me and got on his knees. He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me. "I-I'm... I'm sorry. I'm sorry for lashing out... It's just that, I've been going through a tough time lately." Santa confessed with a parched voice. I felt so bad... I didn't mean to trigger him like that. I put my arms around him to hug him back. He was crying so hard. After a minute he let go. He wiped the tears away from his eyes then his nose, followed by a big sniffle. My heart was broken. "Now, feed me those crumbs please." Santa demanded. "Uh... What?" I questioned. Seriously, qhat? "I said... FEED ME THOSE DAMN CRUMBS! PLEEEASSEE!"
I must comply or I'll be living with the snowmen. So I quickly (they were hot) picked up the gingerbread crumbs and shoved them in to Santa's mouth. He moaned as he munched down on the crumbs. He looked so demented, especially since they were all in his big white beard too. "MORE!" he demanded. I picked up more crumbs forcefully shoved in his mouth. I really felt like crying, this is so traumatizing. "Aahahahugh! Yeah, that's the stuff!" he shouted. He then unlatched his overall straps. Uh... what's he doing? I hope he's not-- yep, he is. Santa took his shirt off... It was horrifying to see how fat he really is. "Move over!" Santa shouted. I moved out of the way as he laid big belly on the dirty crumb ridden floor. "Take some of those burnt gingerbread men off the tray and put them on my back, please, honey?" Santa demanded.
(· · · – – – · · ·)
I... I put on some oven mitts and picked up the burnt gingerbread men tray. "Santa, this is gonna hurt!" I tried warning him. "I don't care, just DO IT!" he furiously demanded. I took a gingerbread man off the tray and placed it on Santa's back. He yelled in horrible agony as the steaming hot gingerbread burnt his back. I wanted to take it off, but he said he didn't care. "More, MORE!" he demanded. I ended up putting all the gingerbread men on his back. They were all lined up like a Mega Man boss selection screen. "Gingerbread Man" when?
After a minute he told me to take them all off his back. Santa let out various "oofs" and "ahhhs" as I removed them. They all left a mark in the shape of a gingerbread man on his back. This would be hilarious to do at a Christmas party with frat boys, but not all alone with freaking Santa Claus! "Ahh... ahh... My back is sore. Rub it with icing, please!" Santa wanted. I felt like giving up on life at this point. I'll never be able to look at Christmas the same way ever again.
I dipped my hands in frosted icing and began rubbing his back with it. Santa let out creepy groaning sounds as I did this. I can't believe I'm giving Santa Claus a back massage with food icing because his back was burnt with hot gingerbread men. I need to get out of here! During the rubbing, I accidentally cut my fingernail on him. "OW!" Santa cried in pain. "I'm sorry, it was fingernail!" I apologized. "Clip them, bitch!" he cursed. A tear from my eye fell on his back as I rubbed it. I want to go home and be free of this mentally unstable megalomaniac that's responsible for the commercial capitalization of the Christmas holiday!
"Use your feet now." Santa said. I'm seriously about to find a kitchen knife and end this not so jolly man's life. I took my hands off him and laid my candy cane infested back on the crumby ground, which snapped the candy canes as I did this. I propped my feet up on his back and began rubbing away with my toes. "Ahhhhh, much better!" Santa complemented. The feet to back rubbing continued for 10 minutes before he fell asleep. Now's my time to escape! I slowly lifted my candy cane ridden self off the floor. Okay, okay. Where should I go? Maybe I should look for a radio or something to contact the Navy. Santa's got to be in contact with the Navy, right? As I tried to walk away, I slipped. I forgot my feet were covered in icing!
I landed directly on top of Santa's back. "zzZZZZ-- wUAH, UAH! ...Huh?" Santa oof'd and mumbled as he began to wake up. "cough cough What are you doing?!" he questioned. I quickly lifted myself off him. "I-I-I-I slipped!" I tried explaining. "Don't touch me while I'm sleeping!" he barked. "It was an accident!" I replied. "Accidents don't happen in the North Pole!" Santa snapped back as he got up from the floor. "Well I'm not from the North Pole!" I responded. "You're my elf, bitch!" Santa cursed while pointing at me. "I'm not an elf and I'm not your bitch! I'm a human who wants to go back home to his family!" I lashed back. "Fine, bitch!" Santa bitched. That's when he grabbed a frying pan. He looked at it for a bit, flipping it over and such, before hitting me in the face with it.
WHAM!
Day 4
On the fourth day of Christmas Santa gave to me: chick-eeeeen noooo-dllllle souuuuuuup!
Aaahhh... My head... Ugh. What time is it? Where am I? Did this seriously happen again? I swear, I'm going to have brain damage by the time I leave this place. I seemed to be laying on a bed, and I seemed to be in a dimly lit room. My room? Whatever the case, I didn't feel too well. Because, first of all, I'm naked and the only thing covering me up are broke and crumbled candy canes, which are very uncomfortable to lay on. Second, I have a cold! My nose felt awful, and I had a bad cough. Cough cough I never did well in the winter. Hopefully since I'm sick, Santa will treat me better and not call me his "elf bitch." Also it's dark outside.
The door to the room slowly creaked open, making yellow light pour in. Santa stepped in and sat his fat ass on the edge of the bed right next to me. He reached his hand out felt my head. "Aww... Poor thing. Here, I'll make you some chicken noodle soup." Santa said before walking off. Did he seriously forget about yesterday? The crumb shoving, the bread scarring, the frost rubbing? Are we going to pretend that all didn't happen? I can't believe this, I really can't. That, and I'm laying in bed naked covered in candy canes at Santa's home in the North Pole. At least I'll have something to tell my family when I get back... If I ever will get back!
Minutes later, Santa walked in and brought me the soup. I hope he didn't spit crumbled candy cane in it. He sat on the bed and offered to feed it to me. Again, I better comply. Santa took the wooden spoon and shoved it in my mouth. "AAAHHH cough AHH! HOT!" I yelled with a burning tongue. It was the hottest thing to ever touch my mouth. It must've been boiling! "You have a cold, bitch!" Santa stated. "Ow, ow cough my tongue!" I cried. "YOU DON'T GET A TONGUE!" Santa oddly exclaimed. That's when he tossed the boiling bowl of soup on my face. "Selfish bitch!" Santa cursed before storming off. I screamed a horrible scream. I was covered in boiling hot soup. I quickly got out of bed and pushed the window in my room open, where I landed in the snow. That feels better, despite the fact I'm burning alive with a cold.
10 minutes later I got out of the snow crawled back into bed. My bed and pillow was now soaked in soup, but since it was hot, it felt kind of nice to lay in. But it wasn't enough. I'm sick, homesick, pain sick, and sick of Santa. I'm sick of this. I closed my eyes. I've only been up for 20 minutes and I just can't go on. Even though I was knocked out for 25 hours, I need to rest. Today's the past and tomorrow's anew. Cough Goodnight.
Day 5
On the fifth day of Christmas Santa gave to me: a freez-ing place to sleeeeeep!
It was early in the morning. The sun just arose. I still feel sick. My genitals were stuck to my leg thanks to the glue (or should I say Santa). I laid in bed for a few hours, just staring around the bare filled room and thinking about this whole experience. I could just escape through the window and try to get somewhere, but I feel too terrible to do that. Curse the cold. I then glared my eyes at Santa as he came into the room.
He sat on the edge of the bed right beside me. He placed his hand on my forehead. "Mm. Still sick?" he questioned. I nodded. "That's too bad..." he said in response. "Say, the day before yesterday was really fun. Don't you think?" Santa asked. "cough Yeah..." I reluctantly cough said. "That was one of the best nights of my life. I wanna do it again." Santa admitted, brushing his fingers against my cheek. My eyes bulged a little... Please no! "cough cough Y-Yeah" I coughed and sniffled. "What a shame this had to happen to my little elf... I'll be back with some medicine." Santa said before leaving the room. I waited an hour before he returned.
"Sorry for the wait my little elf buddy. I had business to attend." Santa said entering the room with a tray of eggnog and a medicine cup. "E-Eggnog?" I questioned. "Why yes, it's the best medicine in the land. I added a special ingredient to make it even stronger." Santa said while he sat down on the bed. "Special ingredient?" Please no! Santa set the tray on my lap and began touching my forehead with his mighty hand. "So precious..." Santa creepily stated. "Cough cough" I coughed. "Poor thing... Here," Santa poured the 'special' eggnog in the medicine cup and aimed it near my mouth. "Drink it, you'll feel better in no time." Santa stated. I reluctantly gulped down the eggnog medicine. It tasted like eggnog. "Good elf." Santa said as I got done drinking it.
"Y'know, I think today we should take our relationship to the next level." Santa suggested. Uhhh, relationship? "Uh-uh-uh, what's that?" I asked scared. "Let's watch a Christmas movie! Ho ho ho!" Santa cheered. I was relieved it wasn't something else. Santa picked me up out of bed and took me to this room I never seen before. It was small, with a dimly lit lamp on the left corner side of the room, a small brown couch in the center, and a TV facing it a few feet away. It wasn't very Christmas like at all, and the room looked like it hadn't been used in years. Santa set me down on the couch and we sat very close together. He had his arm wrapped around me too. Help.
Santa put in a VHS tape into the VCR and the movie began. It started off with some holly jolly Deck the Halls music. It was pretty nice hearing Christmas music again. The camera panned on to a small town, with snow falling from the sky. It was a warm and fuzzy feeling. The film then showed a little boy in his house sitting next to a brightly lit Christmas tree which was next to a fireplace. "This is my favorite part!" Santa announced. As the little boy was playing with toys, a Santa walked into the room. "Ho ho ho, I got a present for you!" the Santa declared. "Really? You do?" the boy asked. "Yes!" the Santa said before pulling out an axe and striking the boy with it. That's when the title appeared: "Santa Gone Mad (19+)". Obviously I was deeply disturbed by this. So I told Santa I didn't want to watch the movie anymore. ...I shouldn't have done that.
Santa threw is arms up in the air and yelled "FINE!" He got up from the couch and took the VHS out of the VCR, and smashed it on his knee. He then started taking all of his clothes off violently while mumbling angry gibberish to himself. Oh gosh! There's nothing I can do to calm him down, so I'm getting out of here! I got up and ran out of there as fast as I could. I made it to my room and locked the door. Heavy footsteps followed from behind. BANG BANG BANG! "LET ME IN! LET ME IN!" Santa shouted. Now it's time for plan B: escape through the window! I rushed to the window and tried opening it, but it was locked! And my weak elf arms aren't strong enough to break it, so I'm screwed!
TUNDUN CREENK CREENK CREENK!
Santa busted down the door, shirtless and steaming mad. In his hand was a candy cane-shaped crowbar (of course). He violently pointed his finger at me. "YOU DON'T GET A BED!" he yelled. He charged for my bed, and started beating it down with the candy crowbar. I watched in horror the bed frame to my bed fell apart. Not the bed frame! Since he's so focused on furiously beating down my bed, I'm getting out of here! I sprinted out of the room and rushed down the hall.
"CHRISTMAS IS RUINED BECAUSE OF YOU!!" Santa yelled from the other room. The hall was long and had many doors on the side of each wall. I made it to the end of the hall, which revealed another one to the left. This one was a bit shorter, had no lights, and only had one door, which was at the end. The door looked old and worn out. Escape exit? I ran as fast as I could to the door. I made it and turned the door knob, hoping it wasn't locked. The knob broke off as I turned it. Uh oh.
I tried pushing on the door but no luck. Ugh, open! Okay, I might have to kick it in now. And so I did. I kicked the door several times, but nothing. KICK, KICK! "OW!" I cried, as a wood splinter got in my eye. I stopped to cover my eye and wince in pain. That's when I felt two powerful hands from grab me from behind and put me in a chokehold. It was Santa. He kicked in the door, making it break off. He moved his hands to the back of my neck and pushed me in, where I helplessly fell down a flight of stairs before hitting the hard, cold ground. "Merry Christmas, bitch!" Santa barked. All the candy canes that were on me broke off and I was completely naked. Santa then stormed off.
I tried getting up, my vision was getting weaker and weaker. I... I think I hit my head again. My entire body is cold, sore, in pain, an sick. I'm going to die. This is how it's going to end. I closed my eyes, and passed away...
Day 6
On the sixth day of Christmas, Santa gave to me: deeegraaadiiiing abuuuuuuuuse!
...into the next day. I'm not dead. I thought I was though, and to be honest, I'm kind of sad that I'm not. I can't take the abuse anymore. Santa Claus is an abusive psychopath, and I need to get the truth out there. Unless he kills me. Anyway, I was laying on the freezing floor. Since pretty much all the candy canes broke off, I'm completely naked now. Cold, alone, sick, sore, and on the verge of death... I can't go on like this much longer. But I will until I am inevitably put in my grave.
I seemed to be in some kind of basement. The stairs and the windows being near the ceiling confirmed this. It looked to be morning. And it's FREEZING down here! I need to find clothes or I'll die of hypothermia. I was hungry too, so I picked some broken candy canes off the floor and ate them. They tasted like glue. I lifted my self off the ground, which was kind of hard to do, because my glue covered body was sticking to the floor. I felt so weak standing up... but I must prevail. After I find some clothing, I need to come up with a plan.
I noticed a bunch of old, dusty boxes at the end of the basement. There's gotta be something in them for me to wear. I began rummaging through the boxes. So far only broken toys and picture frames. At the bottom of this one box was an old picture of Santa. The frame was cracked and the picture itself was incredibly dusty and looked to be from the late 1800s. I stopped rummaging when I heard a noise from behind. Before I could even turn around, two powerful hands choked me from behind, and I passed out.
...
An hour had went by before I woke up. My feet felt numb from them touching the cold floor for so long, and I couldn't move my hands... because they were tied up! I was tied to a stripped red and white pole. I looked up and saw Santa, facing my direction and staring at me meaninglessly. This time he was in full Santa gear and was wearing some kind of utility belt around his waist. His hands were also behind his back.. "Cough cough, sniff" I coughed and sniffled. Santa slowly walked toward me and stopped right in front of me. He glared down at me with a mean eye. I was so scared to speak. This dude literally freaked out on me and locked me in his basement because I didn't want to watch a movie with him. He's not so holly jolly after all, huh?
Santa let out a sigh then pulled something from behind his back. Green and red wrapping paper. He wrapped the paper around my waist and taped it together with duct tape. He then put a gift topper on my crotch area. What a creep! Santa cleared his throat. "This is your new outfit." Santa firmly stated. I felt so flamboyant wearing it. At least with the candy canes my whole body was covered. Santa then pulled something from his utility belt. A box cutter. "Hold. Still." he ominously said. My pupils swelled up like two pennies at the sight of this. This is some serial killer stuff right here. Is this how it ends?
Santa grabbed a hold of my leg and stabbed the box cutter inside it. He made a 1-inch cut then took it out. It hurt so bad. That's when he pulled another thing out from his belt; a syringe. Santa gave me a chilling smile as he did this. He shoved the needle into the wound and began extracting the blood from it. After that he pulled out the unthinkable; a chicken egg. Though, this egg seemed a bit larger than most chicken eggs. Santa shoved the needle in the egg and began injecting blood into it. He looked so serious while doing it. What in the actual world is he doing?? Santa walked to the other side of the room with the egg in hand. He placed the egg in this fedora hat that was resting atop a small old table. Santa then turned to me. "Don't. Touch. This." he said in a demanding tone. He then started dancing to MC Hammer.
Just kidding. He headed up the stairs, leaving the basement. What in the actual was that all about? Is he insane? Yes, but even more so than I thought. I thought about everything while staring at the ground. For hours. I eventually dozed off, but only briefly. It was probably a 20 minute snooze. But when I woke back up, I noticed the floor was covered in mouse traps. Santa really doesn't want me to escape. He just wants me to sit here and suffer. And for what? I thought I was supposed to be his elf buddy?
More hours went by. It was probably around 5 - 6 PM at this point because it had gotten a bit darker out. I was so cold and ill I just wanted to end it all. I then heard footsteps come down the stairs. It was Santa of course, who else would it be? He walked toward me holding a plate of three burnt gingerbread men. "Dinner, bitch." he said in a grumpily voice. He tossed the plate at my feet, making it and the gingerbread men break into a dozen pieces. The mouse traps went off as this happened. He then headed out of the basement, leaving me alone with dead, burnt gingerbread men.
I ate the crumby corpses of the fallen gingerbread men off the dirty cold floor, with tears in my eyes. I'm Santa's bitch and I hate it. I cried myself to sleep while still eating the crumbs.
Day 7
On the seventh day of Christmas, Santa gave to me: more horiiiiibllle abuuuuuuuussse!
A new day. Judging by the lighting outside, it was about 6 AM. My head felt heavy and I could barely feel my legs. I haven't drank water in who knows who long. I miss my family, I miss Christmas... I just want things to go back to normal! I wanted to scream. But in the North Pole, no one can hear you scream. I need to escape. But how? My hands are tied with rope to this pole. I squirmed my hands around, and that's when I felt something sharp. I jumped a little, as it was a bit painful. It sort of felt like a paper cut. That's when I realized it was a piece of broken glass from the plate Santa smashed last night. I picked up the glass with my tied-together hands and tried cutting away the rope with the sharp glass. A bit more... more... Yes! I felt like I was breaking bad in this moment. My hands... Myself... I was were free! Until Santa came down.
I sat back down and pretended to be tied up again. I coughed as Santa made his way down the stairs. "Mornin'." he greeted. I nodded. He was holding a plate with scrambled eggs and a glass of eggnog on it. I thought he was going to throw it at me, but he didn't. He instead walked over to me and said down... on the mouse traps. Santa chuckled. "How are you doing my little elf?" he asked. I glared at him, showing how weak and sick I was. "Cough Not good" I coughed. "And why is that?" he questioned. "I'm cold, sick, in pain, thirsty, hungry..." I weakly said. "That doesn't sound like Christmas to me. Here, have some eggnog." Santa said, bring the glass of eggnog to my lips. I normally don't care for eggnog, but since it's been days since I drank anything, it was the best feeling ever.
"Alright, now have some nutrition." Santa said, picking up the scrambled eggs with his bare hands. Oh. Should've known he didn't bring a fork. "Open wide!" he said with glee. I opened my pie hole (or in this case egg hole) and Santa scarfed some eggs down my gullet. "Mmm!" I moaned. "I love seeing you happy. It warms my heart and another part of me." Santa admitted. "Uhh, what other part?" I nervously asked. "My smile!" Santa said with a rosy warm smile. Seeing Santa happy made me happy too. "You know, I think it's time to untie you." Santa finally said. My eyes bulged out of my head. Remember, I untied the rope from my hands, so there's nothing tying them, I'm just acting like they are. So if he tries to "untie" me, he'll see that. And who knows what he'll do.
"Uhh, no thanks. I'm good for now." I blurted out. Santa's smile turned into a frown. WHAT DID I DO NOW? Santa got up from the mouse trap ridden floor and pointed at me with disgust. "YOU DON'T GET A SKIRT!" he yelled, followed by him grabbing my balls and ripping the gift topper off. My jimmies were exposed! Santa stormed out of the basement and tossed the broken door down the stairs, making it snap in two. This caused some splinters to fly out, making one strike me in the eye, again.
I can do nothing right. It seems like any time I resist Santa's authority, he lashes out at me. Also notice how he always wants to feed me himself? Even when I was trying to make cookies, he has to help me do it by literally grabbing a hold of my hands. He's very controlling. I've never seen a man so full of himself. No wonder the elves ended their contract with him. The fact that no one wants to work for his egotistical ass anymore probably drove him crazy, so he ordered another elf he can control and manipulate. Sick guy!
After I thought it was safe to do so, I got up and started rummaging through the boxes once more. I need clothing more than ever now, since Santa destroyed my wrapping paper skirt, that jerk. Let's see... a broken old clock, a yo-yo with a cut off string, and a... Huh? What's this? I moved some junk out of the way and pulled it out. It was a newspaper. It was a big one too, which means I can use it as clothing. Before I covered myself with it, I wanted to read it. My jaw dropped to the floor upon glaring at the headline.
"MRS. CLAUS PASSES AWAY!" the headline read. According to the article, Mrs. Claus died from a heart attack. "Mr. Claus says he is devastated by his wife's sudden death.. He says his 'number one elf' will help keep him company in this time of difficulty." Wait... "his number one elf"? That means Santa had an elf-like me before I arrived... W-what happened to that elf? Santa has never mentioned them to me. I fear they went through the same stuff I did. As a result of it, they died, and that's when Santa 'ordered' me... I need to get out of here!
I stepped over the mouse traps and hurried to the other side of the basement. I took a peek inside the hat that was on the table. The egg looked browner and I swear I see veins on it! This is so freaky. What if it hatches? Will some kind of ungodly monster be unleashed? Or maybe it's an elf baby. Regardless, screw that noise! I made my way up the steps, which was harder than it should've been, because I felt so weak and sick. I stopped when I got to the doorway. The coast was clear down the hall. I walked down the hall and peeked into the hall on the right, aka the main hallway. I could see a bit of the living room from here. Coast seemed to be clear here as well. I need to find a coat, some shoes, and head out of here. Maybe I'll go in search of that elf village Santa says is over the mountains. But, I'm getting ahead of myself.
I crept down the hall, peering into rooms as I did so. I remember my room is the fourth door on the left wall, and Santa's is the third on the right wall. There's nothing of value in my room besides a blanket, which will do me no good in the long run. Santa's gotta have some coats in his wardrobe. I walked by Santa's room, and saw that the door was creaked open a little. There's no way he's in here, he's probably in his workshop or in the living room watching snuff films he made. I pushed the door back and saw Santa was in there.
Asleep. Santa was on his bed sleeping, on his back. He was snoring a bit too. Not sure why he's having a little nap time at 6 in the morning, but okay. By his bed I see a sliding closet door on his wall. There's got to be coats in there. I tiptoed my newspaper ass around his bed and prepared to open the closet door. However, Santa moved over and his arm dangled from the side of the bed. I accidentally touched his hand with my leg. He moved his hand and began wiping his face with it. He's waking up! I quickly evacuated the room and ran down the hall like I was Husein Bolt. Made the left turn, and entered the basement. I even ran down the stairs too. Which was a terrible idea, because I ended up tripping on the fourth step and slammed my head onto the floor.
...
Hours later I woke up. It was dark out now. What is this, the fourth concussion I've had now? Ugh, my head is POUNDING... and I'm tired too. This is ridiculous! I was laying in the same spot I was when I hit my head, which means Santa didn't come down here to check on me the whole time. I don't know whether to be happy or glad (I meant "sad", but I have a concussion and a headache. Cut me some slack.) I picked myself up and went to the pole just in case Santa does come by. Low and behold, he did.
Santa came marching down the steps. He walked toward me, briefly stopped, then continued. I think he notices my new 'outfit'. "What are you wearing?" he curiously asked. "Uhh.." was all I said before he ripped the newspaper off my crotch area, exposing my junk. He studied the paper, then looked at me. Santa started to sob. He wiped some tears away with the paper then began taking all of his clothes off. Santa was in his underwear now. He got on the floor on all fours and crawled towards me. He wrapped his arms around me, giving me a hug. I didn't feel so comfortable with his petty much naked body so close to my genitals.
"I'm sorry." Santa cried. "I'm just trying to be happy." he continued while sobbing. I patted Santa on the back and said: "I understand." Santa stared at me with such sorrow in his blue eyes. This man is clearly distressed and needs mental help. But I can't help him. Santa stayed latched on to me for about an hour, then he fell asleep. The only thing he did the whole time was cry. He cried himself to sleep in the same spot I did. Neat? I was going to escape, but his grip was so strong, and I was pretty sleepy myself. Plus I didn't want to accidentally wake him up. So I closed my eyes and fell asleep.
Day 8
On the eight day of Christmas, Santa gave to me: a chance tooo esssscaaaaapppeee!
A new day had dawned. It was probably somewhere around 5 AM. Santa was still snugly sleeping on me, with his hands still wrapped around me. His feet were even touching the mouse traps. How precious. I still didn't feel too great, but I had a bit more energy now that I'm determined to get out of here. I gently slithered out of Santa's grip like a snake, and slowly pushed his arm off of me. He let out a loud snore then turned on his back. I need to leave now before he wakes up. I quickly tiptoed over the mouse traps. Whoo, I made i-- OUCH! Pain shot thru my body when my toe stepped on a mouse trap. I wanted to scream so bad. But instead I screamed on the inside. Santa nudged a little the snap went off. I ripped the mouse trap off my toe and ran up the stairs.
My newspaper fell off, so now I was jogging around Santa's house naked. Which depresses me, because if someone makes a movie about this, it's probably going to be rated R, and I don't like rated R movies. Then I realized I'm living my own R rated movie. AHH! I rushed into Santa's room and darted to the closet. I pulled the closet door wide open, and there it was -- Santa's wardrobe! He had a variety of coats, but I quickly grabbed the one that looked the fluffiest. I put it on and tied the rope thing around my waist, making myself covered up for the first time since day 2. It's felt like an entirety... and now I'm also warm! In fact, this coat just feels like a fluffier bathrobe. I also took out one of Santa's boots and wore those too.
I rushed out of there and darted to the kitchen. I grabbed a ton of cookies and shoved them in my Santa coat pockets. I also grabbed a bottle of eggnog. Yes, a bottle. After that I immediately darted into the living room opened the front doors, where I made my escape. I'm now a free man! Now off to the elf village, which should be over those mountains in the... far... distance. Ugh. Last thing I need to do is walk miles to a place that may or may not exist. Oh well, anything to get me away from Santa.
For 3 hours I walked. I kept taking breaks because my feet were so worn out, but whatever. In the not so far distance, I see a lot of cottages and lamp posts. This is it! I walked and walked and finally made it to the gates. Two elves in military-esque uniforms were at the gates. Whoa, this is my first time seeing elves. "Who goes there?" an elf guard on the left asked. "I um-- Santa's new number one helper!" I announced. "Really? Then why are you wearing his coat and no elf hat?" elf guard on the right ask. "Listen, I was wearing an elf but it's a looong story, but please I need help. I didn't even mean to be here, it was a horrible mistake. I've been abused, tortured, possibly raped-- I just need to get out of this place!" I begged and pleaded the guards. They both looked at each other. "You sound crazy to me." left elf guard said. "Yea." guard on the right agreed.
"Please, can you just get me to someone? The Navy, anything? I walked 3 hours to ge--" "Enough is enough." elf guard on the right said, interrupting me. "Please! If you don't trust me, just handcuff me or something!" I pleaded. "Our handcuffs won't be able to fit your hands." the guard on the left said. "Rope then!" I exclaimed. The two guards looked at each other. Right elf guard approached the left guard and they began chattering with each other. They stopped then looked at me. "You have the right to remain still and comply." the left guard said. Yes!
A group of ten elves came out past the gates and approached me. "One the ground! On the ground!!" they demanded. I got on my knees and fell to the ground on my face. The elves put my hands behind my back and tied them. My legs too. What is this, Gulliver's Travels? The elves (which were at least 4'0") all picked me up and carried me into the village. Hopefully they don't burn me at the stake!
They carried me to the middle of the village where I was set down. I could feel dozens of elf eyes glaring at me. What are they going to do to me?! Just then I felt my body being pelted with rocks and pebbles. "Ouch! Cut it out!" I begged. That's when an elf stepped by my head holding a large rock. I watched in horror, powerless to do anything about what was about to come. I closed my eyes. Then it happened.
CLUNCK!
...
I awoken after receiving my fifth head concussion. I was laying on the floor in some tiny room, still tied up. I had some wires taped to me which were connected to this There was what appeared to be an elf doctor and nurse. "He's awake!" the elf nurse exclaimed before leaving the room. The doctor elf wrote something down on a clipboard then approached me. "How are you feeling?" he asked. "Head hurts." I said. He began writing on his clipboard again. "And who are you exactly?" he asked. "Santa's number one helper, I guess." I explained. "Mhm. Interesting." the elf doctor said while writing. "What brings you here?" he questioned. "I've been abused -- a slave to that fat man in red. I just needed to escape." I said. "And by 'fat man in red' you mean Mr. Claus?" he questioned. "Yes." I nodded. The elf doctor gave me a confused look. I know, imagine Santa being an abusive slave owner.
"Tell me more about yourself and your situation." the elf doctor demanded. Oh boy. So for the next hour or so I explained to him the whole situation. "Interesting that Santa would order a new elf from elf storage. This could mean his previous elf henchmen is dead." the doctor theorized. "I know, that's what I was thinking." I agreed. We talked some more. "So why did you guys end your contract with Santa this year?" I asked. "Look, that's a bit confidential. All I'm going to say is that the elf military is on high alert due to high strangeness in the area. If we don't protect ourselves from the potential threat, this could mean big trouble for the North Pole and Christmas as we know it." the elf doctor ominously explained. Whoa... what could he mean by that? "I've already said too much." the elf doctor continued.
"Well how is Santa gonna do Christmas this year without the help of his elves?" I questioned. "Don't worry about. Santa finds a way, I'm sure of it." the doctor assured. "Also, why can't you guys guard Santa's place too from the 'potential threat'?" I questioned some more. "We are not obligated to do so. Not in the contract." the doctor affirmed. I nodded. "Okay, so the big thing -- How am I going to get back home?" I asked, with my heart thudding out of my chest for the potential answer.
"You can't go back home. I'm sure when Santa ordered you from the elf factory, it came with a document saying you can't leave his side no matter what." the doctor explained. "But I didn't come with a document. Remember? The orders got mixed up. I'm not the elf from the elf storage or whatever." I explained. "Then I don't know how you're gonna get back home." the doctor said. "Well are yo--" "No, we don't have contact with the Navy, or anyone in the outside world for that matter." the doctor disappointingly affirmed. I set my head down and stared at the ceiling upon hearing this.
"Well can I at least stay here with you guys?" I asked. "I'll let you stay for the night. You're a foreigner, and we don't accept them." the doctor stated. I let out a big sigh. "Okay, fine." I said miffed. "It was nice having our chat, but I'm afraid I must go. Goodnight." the elf doctor said upon leaving the room and turning the light off. I looked out the window. It was a Christmas winter wonderland. All the cottages with the yellow light emitting from the windows, the snow gently falling down, the lamp posts, the Christmas lights everywhere. It was a warm and fuzzy feeling. I took a sip of some hot coco the elf doctor gave me then laid my head back down. I miss my family.
Day 9
On the ninth day of Christmas, Santa gave to me: nothiiiing tooo dooooo!
Ahh, my face feels so cold! And I haven't even opened my eyes yet... Where am I? Hm, let me open my eyes. Ugh, come on! Open! Ahh -- it's like they're frozen shut! Let me wipe my eyelids with my hands. Ah there we go. Okay, I'm... on the stoop of Santa's porch, and it's daylight out. I looked in the distance and saw a bunch of tiny footprints. Ugh, those elves probably carried me back here while I was asleep. Man... I've been away from Santa an entire day and it feels great. I don't want to go back in... Maybe Santa misses me and he's had time to think about all the horrible things he's done to me. Maybe he realizes he's been a total jerk and now wants to change for the better. Or maybe he went out looking for me... I don't know. Whatever the case, I have to come face-to-face with him eventually.
I tried opening the front doors but they were locked. I went around to my bedroom window and tried that. Locked too. Santa's window? That's also locked. Ugh, how am I going to get back in? It's freezing out here! I walked around back some more, only to find a surprising lack of windows. I just inside, gosh dang it! I did find one thing though. At the very back of the building, there was a wishing well that was some distance away. I traversed through the thick snow and strong wind to take a look at it. It looked like your typical well, with the rounded cobblestone, wooden beams supporting the tiny roof, and a bucket on a string that was near the ceiling. However, it was covered in frost, ice, and snow. Why would they build a well out here in these conditions? I looked down the well and looked somewhat steep, maybe 20ft deep. Also, it had a ladder going down. Interesting...
I think I'll climb down it, because why not? I stepped on top of the cobblestone and began traversing down on the ladder. Though, the bars were really slippery from the ice -- there were even icicles dangling from the bars. Halfway down I felt my grip slipping. Please! I don't want to fall and suffer another concussion! I prepared for the worst when my feet slipped off and I began dangling from one bar with two hands. Okay okay, just position my feet ba-- AHHH! I screamed as I crash landed to the bottom. But thankfully, I didn't hit my head. It was very dark and cold down here, with some coins on the ground as to be expected. Man, wish I had a flashlight. Right in front of me is an open entrance that leads into a dark tunnel. At the end appears to be a very dim light. I'm going to check it out.
I peered my head through a small open window that showed this odd looking corridor. It was very dark and metallic, with a sinister flickering yellow light. On the left was what appeared to be a metallic iron door. Very un-Christmas like if you ask me. To the right I could barely see a faint white light that was off in the distance. This is very odd. I wonder what it could be for? And why does the well have a view into this place? So many questions...
I headed back for the ladder when I noticed something tucked away in the stone wall. It was shiny and gold. I dug my fingers into the crevice and pulled something out. A key! Could this be the key to the front doors? I hope so! I carefully climbed my way up the ladder and made it out of the well. I traveled my way back to the front doors and inserted the key in one of the knobs. Okay, now I just gotta turn it. CLENK! Yes! It worked! I put my hand on the doorknob and turned it. Oh boy, now I have to deal with Santa. I slowly pushed the door back, which revealed the living room of course. I stepped in. The warmth of the pad instantly hit my face. It felt so good! Santa also didn't seem to be anywhere in sight. Hopefully it stays that way.
I dove on the big couch and slumped over. Ahh... No Santa... Just warmth... Later I got up and went rummaging in the kitchen for food and drink. I made my way back to the couch and just chilled while gorging on some delicious Christmas food. I noticed there was a big screen TV up on the bricked chimney wall. How did I not notice that before? I reached for the remote on the table and turned on the TV. There didn't seem to be any channels, only Christmas music. Oh well, that's fine with me! It felt so nice getting into the Christmas spirit without some creepy psychotic maniac abusing you. Whilst enjoying the moment, I heard a strange noise. It... sounded like it was coming from underground. I listened carefully. It was very faint and low, but it sounded like machinery. Hmm, maybe Santa's hard at work making toys or something.
After an hour or so of chilling, I decided to do some snooping. I wasn't totally relaxed, as I was paranoid Santa would appear at any moment. I'll go check his room to see if he's in there. I walked down the hall and slowly peered my head in there. No, he wasn't. Hmm... Could he still be in the basement? I'm a bit afraid to check to be honest. But I need to. The paranoia is killing me on the inside. I took the left and walked down the hall leading to the basement. My heart was racing with anxiety. I took a couple steps down the stairs and peeked in the direction where we were laying last. He wasn't there. But oddly enough, his clothes he stripped off were still there. W-why would he leave his clothes behind? Is he really that delirious? The sight upon seeing this really horrified me to be honest. I need to get out of here.
On my way out I checked the showers and locker room as well. Nothing. Weird TV room? Not in there either. He's probably in his workshop or something, I dunno. Christmas is in just a few days, so maybe he's extra busy and didn't have time to put his clothes back on. I don't know. But that's what I'm hoping is the case. I went back to the living room and paced around a bit. Santa's got to have some sort of contact with the outside world, right? Like, he at least has to have a contact radio. He's got to. So that's what I'm going to look for.
For the next few hours I searched far and wide for any kind of radio system. I checked nearly every room -- even ones I never been in before. Those rooms were very old. Had old wallpaper, old dusty pictures, boxes full of junk and old stuff. It was pretty eerie being in those rooms, I won't lie. Being all alone in an old room with dead silence feels creepier than it should. It could also be my paranoia, but I swear I thought I heard boxes moving at some point. I could've spent longer looking around in that room, but I was just too freaked out. It didn't feel like Christmas was in the air, that's for sure. But yeah, I found nothing! Nothing that could remotely get me in contact with humankind. I feel so defeated... So trapped... So lonely... I just want to return home!
I spent the next few hours doing essentially nothing. Lounged around on the couch for a bit, ate some snacks, and just thought about everything. The only place I didn't check for a radio was the basement, but I'm too scared to go down there. Even though Santa was nowhere to be found, I still felt uneasy at every moment. Something sinister is in the air... and I don't know why. Whatever, I give up.
Day 10
On the tenth day of Christmas, Santa gave to me: the horriiible truuuuuuuuuuth!
I awoke to the ass crack of dawn right in my face. Ugh, I don't think I've seen any curtains in this whole place now that I think about it. I woke up pretty depressed because Christmas is just in 2 days. Man... I'm not going to be with my family during Christmas, aren't I? Stupid me had to ship myself in a box put in the wrong address... Come to think of it, my parents' address starts with "NP"... like as in "North Pole"?! Ugh! Also, where's Santa?! Whatever, I need to get the heck out of here! Need to find a radio now. I gulped when I came to the realization I needed to go in the basement. It's time to swallow my pride and just do it. So I got up, gulped down on a glass of eggnog, shook my hands, jumped up and down, twist my neck back and forth, and mustered up the courage to go into the basement, PTSD be dammed!
I headed down the halls and made it to the entrance of the basement. Well... Here goes nothing. I took very slow steps down the stairs and it to the bottom. Santa's clothes were still eerily laying on the floor. And seeing the broken candy canes and broken plate glass on the ground gave me bad PTSD. Then I noticed something near the table... shells. Egg shells. I quickly looked inside of the hat and my jaw dropped. The egg had hatched. I can't believe this, I forgot all about that stupid egg! And now a creature with my DNA inside it is on the loose! D-did it eat Santa? Oh my gosh, why didn't I bring a weapon down here?! Am I crazy? No, Santa's crazy for even thinking about creating a creature with my DNA. Okay okay... Stay focused... Just, look through the boxes for a radio and get the heck out of here.
I sprinted to the boxes and began frantically digging through them. Broken toys, old photos... the same junk as usual! I began tossing some boxes to the side, which revealed some of the wall. There was a noticeably large crack in it. And that's when I began hearing a strange, low humming, electric gargling sound. I put my ear up to the crack. Is the creature hiding in there? Actually, the noise sounds like it's in the distance. While putting my ear up to the crack, I noticed a faint light shining through it. I then put my eye up to it. I could vaguely see some kind of light. I put my finger in the crack and a piece of the wall came off. It was surprisingly fragile. I pulled on the crack some more, which turned the crack into a big hole. I peered through it, and was absolutely baffled as to what I saw.
Large tube containers, srange lights, metallic tables... What is this place? It wasn't very Christmas-like at all and resembled more like a strange science lab. This stuff seemed to be a bit in the distance and I was pretty high off the ground. I need to get down there. I need to see what this is all about. I grabbed a thing of long, thick rope I found in one of the boxes and tied it to the pole. I kicked in the hole to make it larger enough to fit through and tossed the rope down the edge. Here I go.
I hopped down the rope like I was rock climbing and made it to the floor. The chills hit my body upon seeing the horror that was going on in this room. There was a shelf filled with glass jars. Inside the jars looked to be dead fetuses, some varying in size and appearance. I walked a little more and saw three large jars on this table. The creatures in these jars were certainty not fetuses. "homunculus #1" paper on one of the jars read. The creature was unlike anything I've seen before. It's hard to describe but it had a thick base and a slightly thinner "neck". Its head didn't have eyes or an ordinary mouth. I was horrified by what I was seeing. The second jar read "homunculus #2", and this one was a spider-like creature with its long six legs. I didn't see a mouth or eyes on it either. The creatures were immobile and were all one solid fetus-like color. What am I looking at?!
The most disturbing jar of all was this one sitting alone on this shelf. Inside was a strange-looking fetus that read "mrs. claus miscarriage". I wanted to throw up at the sight of seeing it. On the bottom shelf was a cardboard box. A box full of dusty cassette tapes. I picked one of them up. "mrs. claus rape tape #32" it read. I threw the tape down in terrified disgust. I felt very ill. I think I should go. As I was about to leave the laboratory, I saw something in a 7ft. tall watery tube. It was a human skeleton. A note below the tube read... "santa's #1 helper." My blood ran cold. My heart beating of my chest. I immediately ran for the escape rope. But I noticed another thing.
There was a bright yellow light illuminating from the other side of the room. I approached it... and I... I saw... a spaceship. It was shaped like a flying saucer, a UFO. It all makes sense now. Mrs. Claus's death, Santa's magical Christmas powers, it's all tied together. A UFO crashed here some years ago. Santa discovered it and harnessed the alien energy to power his sleigh. And the elves, the elves are aliens. And Mrs. Claus used for alien testing and the elves impregnated her and made her give birth to horrible monsters. The chicken egg.. the strange creatures... I can't do this!
Just when I went to turn around to make it to the escape rope, something got in my way. It was Santa. But he looked different. His skin pale, his eyes had no distinct pupils, and the left side of his face was slightly disfigured. I was paralyzed with fear. That's when he reached his arms out to grab me. I passed out in his arms upon witnessing the horror.
Day 11
On the eleventh day of Christmas, Santa gave to me: the crazzziest day of myyy liiiiiiiiife
I woke up sounding like Darth Vader. I was staring at a bright light while laying on an operation table. It reminded me of the time of the candy cane "outfit", but I don't want to talk about that. I had some kinda breathing tube on my mouth and nose, and my Santa robe was halfway open. W-what happened? Was I sedated? What is Santa planning on doing with me? Can I move? Yes I can. I don't feel like I'm tied down... I turned my head to look around the room. I was about a yard away from the creature jars and tubes. Besides the white light from above, it was VERY dark in here. The only light I see is from the creature tubes in the distance. So I have no idea if Santa is in the vicinity or not. But since I'm not tied down, I'm going to take my chances and make like a Christmas tree and leave!
I ripped the sedation device off my face and got up to tie my robe. Part of my body felt numb as I put my feet on the floor. I don't want to imagine what was done to me while I was out. Before I began my sprint out of here, I heard a persistent muffled sound. I walked around to room to hear which direction it was coming from. It seemed to be coming from the north-east direction of the operation table. I followed it, and bumped into what felt like plants. Plants? In the North Pole? Why is this lab so weird?! I brushed aside the plants and came upon a run-down looking white wooden door that had a small light on top illuminating the front. The sound started to sound like muffled screaming, it was clearing coming from behind that door. I am absolutely horrified as to what kind of ungodly creature I'll find in there.
I swung the door open. The horrible creature inside was Santa... He was tied up with vines and had duct tape over his mouth. The only thing he was wearing were boxer briefs, and his face was no longer deformed. What happened?! Santa stopped screaming when he saw me. "MMM mmMM MM!" he cried behind the duct tape. I was so confused... Just w-w-what? I approached the inside of the strange closet and ripped the duct tape off Santa's mouth. "GAH!" he grunted, before beginning to heavily breath. His face was so red. I gave him a minute to breathe. "Santa, what happened?!" I questioned. He looked like he went through hell. "I-I've been cloned!" he shockingly blurted out.
"Wait what?!" I said in shock. "Yes, now please, just untie me before it comes back!" Santa demanded. "It"? What's "it"?! I began ripping off the vines tied to Santa's arms and freed him. "Santa what's going on?! And why are there mistletoe on your briefs?!" I asked nervously. "'Cause the alien bastards can kiss my ass!" Santa shouted. I was shocked. "They crash-landed here and now they're trying to harness the spirit of Christmas!" he explained. "So that Santa I've been with was an alien clone this whole ti--" "No, bitch! That was still me!" Santa barked. Dang, I was hoping that wasn't the case. "Come on, let's get out of here!" Santa exclaimed.
Me and Santa ran through the lab and made it to the escape rope. "My fat ass won't be able to climb that!" Santa proclaimed. "Sure you can, come on!" I assured him while climbing up the rope. "No, just go in the old storage room and pull back the odd-looking piece of wall, it will reveal a telephone with a number below it. Call the number and-- AHH!" Santa tried explaining before the evil Santa alien clone came into view holding an axe. "Go on without me! AAAH!" Santa screamed as the Santa clone came after him. I quickly climbed up the rope and made it in the basement.
It was pretty dark in here, as it was nighttime. But I tossed some boxes around in search of something to give to Santa. That's when I came across two hook swords. I grabbed them. "Santa, catch!" I yelled, throwing down the hook swords at him. Santa caught them and struck a pose. "Get me now, alien bitch!" Santa cursed at the clone. The two Santas duked it out as I tried rummaging in the boxes for a source of light. I dug through the one in the left corner and found a dusty old red and green flashlight with snowflakes on it. It probably doesn't wor-- It does! Though, the light was very weak. I smacked it and it got a tiny bit brighter. I marched my way up the stairs and out of the basement. All the lights in the house were off. The aliens must've shut down the power at some point while I was sedated.
I shined the light down the dark halls. It was very creepy, especially with all the silence. The only thing I could hear were the faint sounds of the ghostly wind outside. I headed for the old storage room. It bitch black inside, and the old dusty feel to the room made it feel even eerie. The silence turned dead once I entered the room. I shined the light on the old styled wallpaper walls in order to find this alleged phone. I slid my hands across the walls to feel for some kind of bump or anything. That's when my fingers felt a dent. I shined the light on it and there was a thin slit in the wall. I pulled it back, which revealed the phone! I picked it up tried dialing the number. Until I heard a noise come from the boxes.
I dropped the phone and quickly shined the light at the boxes. The flabs on one of them was moving a little, implying something scurried right by it. Then the box beside it nudged. Maybe it's just a rat, but I need to be sure. I kicked the box out of the way. I wish I didn't, because I revealed my worst nightmare. On the floor was a spider homunculus creature facing my direction! It looked larger than the one in the laboratory. It turned the other way and scurried behind the boxes. The way it moved wasn't like how a spider moved, it was unlike anything I have ever seen. It's gotta be the creature that hatched from the egg... Come to think of it, that might've been the Santa clone that did the whole syringe in egg thing. It did act differently from the real Santa. But regardless, I can't make the call while that thing is in here!
I darted out of the room and began searching in Santa's room for something to kill it with. Surely Santa's got weapons in his room somewhere, right? I searched under the bed. Nothing. I moved the dresser and even dug through his underwear. Also nothing. Closet! I sprinted to the closet, frantically pulling back coats and robes for something. That's when I noticed another slit in the wall, but this was much larger than the one in the old storage room. I pulled it back, and it revealed a row of strange weapons. One was some sort of nozzle attached to a backpack type thing. Wait... is this what I think it is? I took it off the rack and put it on. I kind of felt like a firefighter. I pulled back this lever attached to the nozzle and flames shot out.
Santa's blanket caught fire. Oh shoot, it's a flamethrower! I repeatedly slapped the fire with my hand to put it out. I hope Santa doesn't find out about this... But whatever, time to annihilate alien scum! I walked back to the old storage room, flamethrower and in hand. I felt like a million bucks. "Alright you little bastard, where you at?" I called out. Since I couldn't hold my flashlight anymore, I had to illuminate the room with the light press of the lever to spray a tiny bit of fire out. The room looked so eerie with the red light illuminating from the fire. I kicked some boxes around and saw it's silhouette scurry to the other side of the room. I pulled back the lever and shot out a spiral of flames at the boxes. They caught fire, which provided more light. The creature ran from the flames and appeared in front of me. Aha! I sprayed the homunculus down with flames, burning it to a crisp. It stopped moving and scrunched up in a ball and died from the flames. I felt kind of bad, considering this thing has my DNA in it. But oh well... Time to make the call!
I picked up the phone and dialed the number. Wonder what it'll be? Beep... Beep... The phone was dialing. "Elf military, how can we help you?" the elf on the phone said. "Yes! Um, we are under attack by aliens and we need help! Please send your army so we can eliminate this world of alien filth!" I explained through the phone. "We are not obligated to do so, as we do not have a contract with Mr. Claus. Sorry." the elf said through the phone. That's when the phone was ripped out of my hands. "New contract. We start now. Arrive at sleigh pad with explosives, over." Santa Claus spoke through the phone before hanging up. I shined the light at Santa, who was now in full Santa gear. He smiled at me. "Merry Christmas." he said.
"Santa! You got away?" I excitedly asked . "Yes! Those hook swords the elves made back in the day did me justice! I took back my costume, and I'm taking back Christmas!" Santa badassilly said. After I gave him a high-five, he screamed in pain. The homunculus had jumped on his back! "AHHHHH!" screamed Santa like he was a British news reporter holding a chicken by its feet. The homunculus was still on fire too, so Santa's back was now on fire. Time to rid of this fire burning leaching virus! "Look out, Santa!" I shouted before spraying his back with flames from the flamethrower.
Santa screamed his head off and existed the room. He ran straight into his room and busted the window open. He fell flat on his back on the snow, putting the fire out and hopefully killing the homunculus. "Santa, you alright?" I asked while staring down at him from the window. "Ohhhhhhh..." Santa groaned in pain. I reached my hand out and lifted him up. The homunculus was lying dead in the snow, burnt to a crisp. "Looks like scrambled eggs." I commented. "Oh yeah? Scramble this!" Santa exclaimed before stomping his foot on the homunculus and twisting his foot side-to-side while letting out a war cry. Heck yeah!
Santa then took a seat on the bed. "The elf military should be here any moment. They'll blast that alien scum and they'll leave for good." Santa proclaimed. "How did this happen?" I asked. "It's a long story. Aliens have been trying to harness my energy for centuries. But what they don't know is that all my energy comes from the spirit of Christmas." Santa explained. "Whoa, centuries?" I questioned. "Yes. The elf army has done a good job at keeping them off bay every year. But ever since the death of my wife, things have really gone down the chimney." Santa sadly said. "How did Mrs. Claus die?" I finally asked. "She was raped to death by my former elf. That bastard betrayed my trust. The true elves think he may have been in contact with aliens this whole time. He injected things into Mrs. Claus and himself, which impregnated her with horrible alien creatures. All those fetuses... they came from her." Santa shockingly revealed.
I gasped. "That's horrible. I'm sorry this had to happen to you and her. That's the worst thing I could ever imagine happening to someone." I said, sympathizing with Santa. "Yup. But now we must rid of those green extraterrestrial bastards once and for all." Santa stated. "What was that skeleton I saw in the lab?" I asked Santa. "Him. I killed him after finding out what he did to Mrs. Claus. The aliens are probably trying to bring him back to life." Santa explained. "Oh shoot..." I said.
Me and Santa existed the room and entered the outside. The elf army showed up in droves. "Listen army. The alien threat has made its way to my pad. Rig the lab with explosives then vindicate the vicinity. After every elf is out, blow that bitch up!!" Santa ordered. The elves cheered and rushed in the direction behind Santa's pad. "Follow me." Santa also ordered. He led me back inside to a room I've never been in before and pushed down on the lever. The floor began to travel down, meaning it was an elevator. The elevator shaft reached the bottom and the lights turned on. It was Santa's workshop! It was so huge. Santa went to the middle of the room and sat in a royal red and white striped kings chair. That's when he pulled up the monitors and we watched the operation play out.
The elves hopped down the wishing well and entered the sleigh runway. They blew the metallic door off, which revealed the laboratory. The elves marched in and began rigging the place with bombs, including the spaceship. The elves then made their way to Santa's workshop. "Ready sir." an elf veteran said to Santa. "Bombs away!" Santa declared. One of the elves pushed the red button and the laboratory began exploding. Everyone in the workshop cheered, as the text "ALIEN THREAT ELIMINATED" appeared on the screens.
After a few minutes of celebrating, things got serious. "Alright every elf. Christmas is in just a couple hours and we got a lot of work to do. Let's kick some ass and give these kids the best Christmas ever!" Santa declared. The elves cheered and quickly started working. Some elves started making gifts, while others began wrapping. "Prepare my sleigh and reindeer at once." Santa ordered. "Yes sir." an elf responded.
This is by far the craziest day of my life. Aliens are real and they came to earth to harness Santa Claus's Christmas energy, and we killed them! All just a few hours before Christmas too. It's also the craziest day of my life for depressing reasons too, like with what happened to Mrs. Claus and whatnot... This day has been a roller coaster of mixed emotions. But even with everything that's happened, I cannot wait for Christmas!
Day 12
On the twelfth day of Christmas, Santa gave to me: an eeeendiiing to allll of thiiiiiiis!
It had hit midnight. Christmas was now in full session. It's been a hectic few hours, but I love every moment of it. Being involved in Santa's worshop and preparing gifts for children around the world is the greatest feeling. The elves brought Santa's sleigh with reindeer behind his pad, and they were preparing the final gifts and wrapping. "Let's move! Let's move!" one of the elves ordered to the other elves, who were handing boxes to each other and shoving them into Santa's sack. Santa stood tall in the middle of the workshop, smiling at the sight of the elves working hard to prepare Christmas for the world.
"Y'know Santa, this really is the best." I said to him. He looked down at me with a smile. "It sure is." he nodded. We continued in awe as we watched the elves get work done. "I'm sorry for the way I've acted this whole time. I've just been through a lot. I'm a broken man -- but this -- this is what I live for. The spirit of Christmas keeps me alive and well." Santa proclaimed. "It's okay. You are forgiven." I said to Santa. He looked back down at me and gave me a hug. Tears formed in my eyes as I hugged him back. This really is the spirit of Christmas. "Mr. Claus, we're ready!" an elf excitedly announced. Santa smiled at the elf while still hugging me.
The elevator shaft went up and we all marched outside. It was brimming with life and wonder... You could even see aurora borealis up in the icy mountains! Everyone marched to the back outside of Santa's pad -- and there was the sleigh and reindeer. I wiped away my tears and tried to gain my composure. I just can't believe this is happening. Santa and I hopped in the sleigh as the elves put the large bag of all the gifts in the back. "Ready for take off, my number one helper?" Santa gleefully asked. I nodded. "Yes. Yes I am." I declared with a smile. "Ho ho ho! Merrrrry Christmas!" Santa exclaimed as the sleigh took off into the stary night. I looked back and saw every elf smiling and waving. This really is beauti--
All of a sudden a green octopus tentacle launched out of the ocean and pulled down on the sleigh. "Ho ho hoooooooooo!" Santa ho'd in horror. I looked down and saw a giant alien octopus creature crawl out of the sleigh runway (the entrance is exposed and built into the short mountain side.) I screamed upon seeing it. I thought we eliminated the alien threat?! Santa pulled a hook sword out of his boot and stabbed the tentacle arm with it. The tentacle let go but its other tentacle grabbed on instead. "Alien bastard!" Santa cried. "Fire!" I heard in the distance. I looked back and saw the elf military armed with RPGs.
The elves all fired at once at the alien octopus creature, which was struck by their explosive fire. The creature winced in pain, but that's when its tentacle turned into a slender alien arm with long fingers. It grabbed a hold of the ship and reached it down toward its face. It's eyes were large and horrific -- they resembled that of a grey alien -- and rows of long sharp teeth were stick out of its mouth. "The spirit of Christmas compels you!" I shouted at the beast. It let out a low humming sound and opened its humongous mouth. Inside were hundreds of rows of sharp teeth that seemed endless. The creature moved its arm holding the sleigh directly into its mouth, meaning we were now alien food. So this is how Christmas ends?
"Santa, the fruit cake!" we heard an elf yell from the cliffside. "Oh, right!" Santa exclaimed. Santa reached in his sack of presents and pulled out a red and green wrapped package. "Eat this!" Santa shouted as he threw the gift to the back of its throat. The creature gagged and loosened its grip a bit. "Another!" Santa demanded. I reached in the bag for another fruit cake, but I couldn't tell which gift it was! The creature strengthened its grip on the sleigh and propelled it forward into its mouth. This is how Christmas is going to end after all.
Just then a elf with TNT strapped to his belly hopped on the sleigh. "Santa, I salute you!" the elf said to Santa before hopping in the creature's mouth and blowing up. The octopus alien finally let go of the sleigh and we took off in the night sky. I looked back down and saw the elf army assaulting it with more explosives and fire -- which made chunks of its body fly off. With these guys the alien virus will be eliminated for sure! But me and Santa got business to attend -- to give children around the world the Christmas they deserve.
Me and Santa traveled around the world, dropping presents into chimneys for the children. We even made a couple stops to eat cookies and drink eggnog what was left out for us. It was now approaching dawn, and we had only one more package left. I went to reach it out of the sack. It was very large, but very lightweight. "What is this?" I asked Santa. "It's you." Santa answered. "Wh-what?" I questioned in confusion. "Merry Christmas, buddy." Santa said. I looked down and we were hovering over my hometown! I gave Santa the biggest hug imaginable and thanked him for everything. "I love you, Santa." I confessed with a tear rolling down my cheek. "Love you too. You'll always be Santa's number one helper to me." he said back. I got inside the box, followed by Santa dropping into the chimney. "Ho ho ho! Merrrrrrry Christmaaaaaaasss!" Santa merried one last time before heading back to the North Pole.
Christmas morning.
"Hearled, what's that?" my Mom asked my Dad in confusion. "I dunno. Let's go open it?" my Dad said. They began tearing the wrapping paper off the box. That's when I jumped out in surprised them. They were spooked at first, but they all gave me a big hug. This is all I ever wanted. "Mom, Dad, I inherited the spirit of Christmas!" I exclaimed to them. They both happily laughed. As I went to go step out of the box, I tripped and banged my head on the floor, knocking me out for the sixth time.
...
I woke up in the hospital, surrounded by my family. I felt so weak... I could barely move my arms and legs. My parents told the doctor I was waking up. "Hello! Can you hear me?" the doctor asked me. I nodded. "I'm sorry to say this, but you're going to die any minute. Your brain has received a lot of trauma and enteral bleeding. It's a miracle you even managed to wake up!" the doctor explained. I wanted to feel sad... but I couldn't. It's kind of like what Santa said, I think the spirit of Christmas is keeping me happy. That, and I got to see my family for Christmas one last time. Then out the corner of my eye, a red figure entered the room. It was Santa!
Santa approached my bed. "I got the news. I'm so sorry this had to happen... I'm about to lose another person I held dear to me." Santa sadly said. He grabbed ahold of my hand. "But just know this... You'll become one with Christmas. Here, I want you to have this." Santa said, handing me a gift. I got the strength to put my hands up and open it. It was a key. "That's a key to the gates of Heaven." Santa announced. I smiled. "Goodbye, my number one helper." Santa said before fading into millions of tiny gold orbs and floating away. That and my family was the last thing I saw.
𝓜𝓮𝓻𝓻𝔂 𝓒𝓱𝓻𝓲𝓼𝓽𝓶𝓪𝓼
𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓔𝓷𝓭
Category:Santa Claus
Category:Christmas
Category:Snow/Winter
Category:Psychopaths
Category:Aliens
Category:Battles
Category:Basements
Category:Mutant Creatures
Category:Clones