Transcripts 2006-01

Transcripts from January 2006 strips.
==January 2==
Panel 1Nathan and Red are lying in bed together. Camera view is over Red's shoulder at Nathan's look of concern.Nathan: If you went home like I told you, they wouldn't have anything on you! Now you've gone missing they have grounds to at least question you!Panel 2Same as panel 1, but Nathan looks away as Red smirks at him.Nathan: And personally, I think I was better off without the taste of something I know I can't have! It's going to drive me mad now!Panel 3Red gets on top of Nathan, touching nose to nose. Nathan is wide-eyed as Red sneers at him.Red: That was the idea! Now are you going to try for the whole cake, or be content at just licking the spoon?
==January 3==
Panel 1Face-on view of Red as she smirks at the camera, tilting her head coyly.Red: Now don't go thinking I'm usually this easy! I'm not! Sure we've only known each other a day, but you're a nice guy and I want to know you longer!Panel 2Silhouette of Red arching her back as she sits on top of Nathan and looks down at him.Nathan: Listen Red, we...Red: So to make sure you come back, I'm going to make damn sure you'll NEVER forget me!Panel 3Close-up of Nathan rolling his eyes back and biting his lip in exasperation.Nathan (thinking): Okay, so you've TRIED to reason with her, but she makes it so bloody hard...
==January 4==
The Church of Poisoned Minds
Panel 1Black-and-white monochrome comic. Al is walking along the shoreline with his hands in his coat pockets, music notes bursting from his ears.Caption (Al): For Christmas I got:One nifty MP3 playerFaint panel text: It's a boring day, I've got nothing to do, 'cept get a load of retards and drive them to the zoo...Panel 2Al is dressed as a barbarian on horseback, holding a circular shield and raising a scimitar as though for a war cry for battle.Caption (Al): Rome Total War: Barbarian Invasion.Faint panel text: LOL! TEH H0RD3 PWNED J00 ROMAN N00BS!Panel 3Al is naked except for dark underpants and standing on a scale.Caption (Al): And half a stone* in weight!Al (thinking): BUGGER!Footnote: *7 lbs
==January 5==
Panel 1Kevin and Brain are in the GCHQ office. Kevin has his arms crossed, a neutral? look on his face. Brain looks slightly perplexed.Kevin: Okay Brain, tell us something about the guys that jumped you.Brain: Can't remember too much about the little one. I was concentrating too much on his minder.Panel 2Close-up of Brain, struggling to remember.Brain: Said his name was Heart or something, but like I said, I was keeping an eye on his friend because he was even bigger then me!Panel 3Brain winces reflexively.Brain: Ugly bastard too! He had a face like a train crashing into a motorway pileup, and you just couldn't look away from it!
==January 6==
Panel 1The Governor gestures backward with his thumb as he joins Kevin and Brain (off-panel). Kevin looks at the Governor, astonished.Governor: Just got the footage from the hospital's CCTV system. It's all useless!Kevin: WHAT!Panel 2Face-on view of Kevin, with Brain's cheek and shoulder in the background.Kevin: I've seen that system! It's state of the art stuff! High definition cameras, digital storage, the works! I can't believe there isn't one usable frame in all that footage!Panel 3Close-up of the Governor examining his knuckles, looking annoyed.Governor: There isn't because someone copied over the times we wanted with daytime TV! I don't know what's worse, that someone has the means to do that or the fact someone let Noel Edmunds back on the telly!
==January 9==
Panel 1The Governor is smiling at Kevin, who has a look of dull surprise.Kevin: You seem a bit happier. I guess you've heard some good news to cheer you up.Panel 2Face-on view of the Governor, whose smile looks extremely forced.Governor: Oh no, I'm still angry, but I've gone passed the screaming and shouting stage. I'm now at the "smiling while seething with rage underneath, and close to stabbing someone to death with a ballpoint" stage!Panel 3Kevin flinches and recoils backward as the Governor cheerfully(?) raises a ballpoint pen and makes a "CLICK!" with it.
==January 10==
Panel 1The Governor looks calmer than in the prior strip. Camera view of the Governor from behind Kevin and the Brain (whose arm is barely visible in the panel). The Governor is looking down at a clipboard and writing on it with the ballpoint pen from the prior strip.Governor: Okay, so what do we know? We can only guess why someone would want Nathan, and who would go to such lengths to get him.Panel 2Face-on view of the Governor, who is still reading off/writing on the clipboard.Governor: However it's quiet clear we are dealing with professionals. They have to be clever, sophisticated and have the patients of saints. They must have been planning this for months!Panel 3Norman and Gary are standing, facing slightly away from each other. Gary is adjusting his tie, while Norman is struggling to pick his nose, squinting with one eye shut.Gary: God this is the eighth one today! Just go in and grab him!Norman: *grunt!*
==January 11==
The Church of Poisoned Minds
Panel 1Black-and-white monochrome comic. Silhouette of Al against a grey background. Al is holding up a box, which radiates light in a star-like shape.Caption (Al): Finally got a copy of Flash 8 as I wasn't going to hang on for the last £20, and I must say it's pretty cool. Almost didn't buy it though!Panel 2Al glaring angrily at his computer, camera view from partway behind his monitor, which has a webcam on top of it.Caption (Al): You see when I checked the price before I noticed buying from the UK online store was about a hundred dollars more then the US version. At first I thought this was due to the higher tax in the UK which was fine. But no, it was the price before Gordon Brown slapped on his %17.5! Adobe wanted an extra $100 on a DOWNLOADABLE product, just because I was in the UK! With tax and postage (I at least want a box for that kind of money), the lot came to just under £300!Al: What the...Panel 3Side view of Panel 2, zoomed out to show more of Al and his computer, desk, and chair, as he "CLICK!"s on the mouse.Caption (Al): I was going to cause a stink over this, then I remembered I didn't pay for most of it and decided to shut the fuck up and buy it anyway.
==January 12==
Panel 1A brown rabbit crosses his arms, a look on his face of restrained patience.Rabbit: Okay, I apologise for being so rude. I understand you were just trying to offer me a deal.Panel 2Closer view of the rabbit, who looks thoughtful.Rabbit: I just not used to people barging into my home and giving me ultimatums, so I wasn't as pleasant as I could have been and I'm sorry!Panel 3Camera view revealing the prior two panels were upside-down, and that Norman is dangling the rabbit by his ankles over the side of a balcony several stories up, as Gary watches with a vicious grin on his face.Rabbit: NOW PLEASE PULL ME UP!Gary: Say "pretty please!"
==January 13==
Panel 1Inside the rabbit's flat, camera view from behind the rabbit, who is facing a very angry Norman, with Gary turning partly aside and adjusting his tie as he looks at the rabbit.Gary: Is driving your forté perchance?Panel 2Face-on view of the rabbit, who looks annoyed. His shirt has an F1 racing helmet and the words, "I AM THE STIG!" on it.Rabbit: I like to think so, but who told you that?Gary (off-panel): Oh nobody. It was just intuition on my part.
==January 16==
Panel 1Norman and Gary are facing a lift, their backs toward the camera. Graffiti covers the walls.Norman: Penny for your thoughts?Gary: Hmm?Panel 2Camera view of a disgruntled Gary from the side, turning to face Norman (behind the camera). Even more graffiti covers the walls.Gary: Oh I've just been thinking. I might have seen a pattern here. Have you noticed something in common with all the people we've "met" today?Panel 3Camera view of Gary and Norman from the front. Both look unhappy about having to do their job. Graffiti behind Norman spells "FUC" with a probable "K" covered by Norman's ear.Norman: They were all worthless little bastards?Gary: Well yes, but other than that!
==January 17==
Panel 1Close-up of Gary. The walls are covered with graffiti.Gary: At first I thought we weer being sent to places at random. Hell, it used to piss me off that we would go to one place one day, only to go back to the same area the day after. I thought it would make more sense to do an area a day instead of the apparently haphazard way we were doing things, but there IS a pattern!Panel 2Same as panel 1, but Gary looks angrier/more upset.Gary: It's SKILLS! It seems that our Mr Reed is working off a list of skills and today it's drivers! Not only was it Stig boy here, but the first today was the JCB driver of an ATM smash and grab, and then there was the guy with the modified Mx5! It wasn't some chav job with a crappy body kit and aquarium neon under it. It looked like it could go like stink!Panel 3Norman and Gary are inside the lift, which is covered in graffiti and stains. Norman is making a horrified face, wincing from a smell, while Gary has covered his nose and mouth with a handkerchief.Norman: Speaking of stink... GAH!Gary: I told you we should have taken the stairs!
==January 18==
Panel 1Silhouette of Norman and Gary walking toward a car, underneath some streetlights, the building they just exited and a dumpster silhouetted behind them.Gary: One other thing, I don't like telling people how to do their jobs, but wasn't hanging the guy over the balcony just a little excessive?Panel 2View of Norman and Gary from the front. Norman is looking over his shoulder at Gary in annoyance. Gary is standing still, expressionless.Norman: Yeah maybe, but he was royally getting on my nerves by that point!Panel 3Side view of Norman ad Gary. Norman is looking forward, not meeting Gary's eye as Gary snarls at him.Gary: We hadn't been in there a minute! Really Norman, you have to learn to clam down a bit. Psychotic rage is handy, but you lose your patience faster than Harold Shipman!Norman: Pfffft!
==January 19==
The Church of Poisoned Minds
Panel 1Black-and-white monochrome comic. Al is reading a large, thick book, camera view from 3/4 profile.Caption: The very second you know you spend far too long on the internet:Panel 2Same as panel 1, but camera view from the front, and Al laughs with a "Heh! Heh!"Al (thinking): LOL!Panel 3Same as panel 2, but Al gives the camera a startled look.
==January 20==
Panel 1Norman gives Gary a concerned look, while Gary looks away.Norman: You know Gary, I'm starting to have real misgivings about working for Mr Reed.Gary: Yes, I'm also wondering about the motives behind this!Panel 2Camera view of Gary from the front, looking determined(?).Gary: I mean we are getting paid unusually generous amounts of money, to recruit scores of people with dubious skill sets, for someone we've never met! And who's to say we are the only recruiters Mr Reed employs? I'm not sure I want to help build a small army for a disembodied voice!Panel 3Camera pans out to include Norman in the shot. Norman is tilting his head in a sort of shrug, and Gary squints at him.Norman: I just think this is too much work, but yours is a good reason too!
==January 23==
Panel 1Deliberate copy-paste of most of the 2005-12-12 strip. Close-up of Nathan asleep, with Red visible behind him.Caption: THE NEXT DAYPanel 2Closer close-up of Nathan opening his eyes.Panel 3Overhead view of Nathan looking sideways as he lies on the right side of the bed (when lying down), Red curled up on the left side (his left) and still asleep as indicated by a "Z". Nathan's face is smug as he "*SIGH*"s, his right arm laying on top of the blanket pulled up to his chest.
==January 24==
Panel 1Top view of the hotel bed. Nathan rolls on his side and props his head up with his arm as he pokes Red to wake her up.Nathan: Morning.Panel 2Close-up of Red looking pleased.Red: Why hello there! How is my patient doing today?Panel 3Nathan leans his head back, closing his eyes and smiling.Nathan: Well my head and ribs are as sore as ever, I'm physically exhausted and I feel like I can take the world on single-handed! You?
==January 25==
The Church of Poisoned Minds
Single PanelBlack-and-white monochrome comic. Three wind turbines in a row, the third falling apart. (Caption reading order is slightly ambiguous.)Caption (Al): I was watching a piece on the government's energy plans the other day, and I remember this anti-nuclear guy stating that nuclear plants were unsafe, and that "wind turbines never killed anyone!"Caption (Al): Now me being the cynical arsehole that I am instantly wondered if that statement was true or not.Caption (Al): Now I saw this news article not long after visiting the Darwin Awards site. As we live in a world were a man can kill himself with a larva lamp, I concluded that if something as dangerous as wind turbine hasn't killed someone yet, it's only a matter of time before it does!Caption (Al): Big wind turbines are serious pieces of kit, with huge moving parts.Caption (Al): Never, EVER underestimate a human being's ability to fuck up, no matter how smart they are most of the time!
==January 26==
Panel 1Nathan leers at Red as she starts to put on her shirt.Red: It's quite a drive back so I had best get moving if I want to avoid the rush.Panel 2Nathan grabs Red's shoulders and kisses her neck with a "♥" as she laughs reluctantly.Red: STOP THAT! We did nothing but that all day yesterday and I have to see if I still have a job!Panel 3Nathan smirks but gives Red a serious look as she glances back at him.Nathan: That's why I want to go over a cover story for you! But as with many things, it's not something I'd like to rush! So let's take it nice and slowly, and then we'll work on your alibi!
==January 27==
Panel 1Nathan monologues over a projection panel (likely future scenario) with his head in the caption box to indicate he is speaking. Panel is of the Governor looking very angry at Red, who is grinning innocently.Caption (Nathan): It doesn't matter what you say to my boss, he won't believe you. It doesn't matter. Just keep in mind that he is only a civil servant and he can't arrest you, and most of his threats are empty and you'll be okay. Emphasis on the word "most" though! He has a lot of influence, but he's unlikely to call in the security services on your unless you give him reason to. He doesn't want give the impression he's not in control and needs outside help.Panel 2Another likely future scenario: Close-up of Red talking on a landline.Caption (Nathan): So be nice, say that I discharged myself and you weren't going to stop me! Then you took the rest of the day off. You went anywhere but home. They would have checked there. Also they will probably tap your phone. Don't stop using it; in fact use it more! A machine will record all your conversations, so the best way to stop them is to make it record hours of useless crap someone has to listen though.Panel 3Red (dressed) looks skeptically at Nathan (getting dressed).Red: So you're telling me the best way to trump the intelligence service is to appear to be too much hassle to bother with?Nathan: Pretty much. Also, being gay or talking about "girl things" will drive them off pretty quickly too!
==January 30==
Panel 1Nathan and Red hold hands in the parking lot as they look into each other's eyes. Nathan looks sad, but Red is smiling.Nathan: I guess this really is goodbye then!Red: For now.Panel 2Close-up of Nathan looking into the camera (at Red).Nathan: I still don't know how to thank you. You trusted me even though I couldn't tell you anything except it wasn't me, and nobody was hurt! I can't even tell you who's chasing me because I'm not even sure myself!Panel 3Close-up of panel 1, but Nathan is struggling to hold back a laugh.Red: Well I can tell you the cleaners will be after you after they see the state we left that room in!
==January 31==
Panel 1Nathan watches as Red drives away. In the background is a carport, the back of a street sign next to some hedges, and a building with a phone (landline receiver) icon.Panel 2Close-up of Nathan looking into the distance.Panel 3Nathan turns, looking smug.Panel 4Silhouette of Nathan, "SNAP"ping his fingers and whistling a "♪".
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