It Found Me Again

It’s been a month since it last found me…
It found me hiding in the corner of my closet.
I think it’s finally gone but I always assume that…
And I’m always wrong.
It’s constantly searching, waiting, for me to reach my lowest.
And I want it to find me.
I walk home from school feeling depressed and pathetic.
I found out that I had failed four of my classes.
I might have to be held back a year.
All my friends have left me because I don’t do what they do.
But they don’t know about… it…
I get home and my parents are still fighting.
I don’t know what it’s about; I stopped caring long ago.
As I dump my schoolbag on the floor of my room,
My arm starts to itch…
My arm itching is a warning sign that it’s near…
It’s come back to finish what it started.
I try to focus on positive things but I know,
that in the back of my mind it will do no good.
It has razored metal claws and a thin, cold body.
It grabs my arm with one claw and pulls me close to it.
I try to look away but its eyes are so seductive.
I know…
Deep down…
Under all that shame…
Beneath the lie…
The lie that I don’t want it.
The truth is; I need it.
I want to feel that cold needle pierce my skin.
And the drug coursing through my veins again.
I might try and hide from it again.
But I know that the needle will find me once more…
Category:Mental Illness
Category:Poetry