Drum, Bass, and Tiki

The sixth chapter of Total Drama: Tiki Jungle, posted on February 12, 2011.
==Story==
"Last time on Total Drama: Tiki, Tiki Jungle..." begins Chris, starting off the episode, "The contestants played a little game of Capture the Flag, my favorite game! The Terrible Tikis got the advantage in the challenge, not only getting to hide their flag in the darkest part of the jungle, but getting a flag the same color as all of the plants! But, Over Nine Thousand won again. It's getting pretty predictable. Anyways, Nic was supposed to be eliminated, but instead, Sharissa quit because she wanted to see Alex, who was eliminated in the previous challenge. I remember when I had my first girlfriend... Anyways, today's challenge will be pretty creative! Tune in for some fun, right here, right now, on Total Drama: Tiki Jungle!"
The Terrible Tikis are slumped around their cabin.
"Seriously?" groans Julia. "Guys, we've lost three times in a row. You guys are being such idiots."
"Hey, it's not our fault." says Carson.
"Actually, it is." snaps Julia. "Carson, you've done nothing this whole season except kiss that nasty what's-her-face.
"Well, all you do is complain about Arthur." says Carson.
"It's not my fault that he's a whiny little @#$%!" screams Julia.
"Watch your language." says Elena. "Stop being naughty. Nobody likes girls who swear."
"Well, Elena, you have basically done nothing except flirt with boys. We all know you don't actually like any of them. That's what flirts are like." says Julia.
Nic looks up from his bed. "Wha?"
"SHE HATES YOU!" shrieks Julia. "Get a clue, dumbwad!"
Nic says in the confessional, "Nobody calls an evil villain with a beautiful buff ab belly a dumbwad!"
"And Nic," says Julia, "You don't have a buff ab belly. You are not evil. You're not even attractive. So, will you shut up, before you get turned into a robot?"
Nic stands there awkwardly with his mouth hanging open like a dead fish.
"Yo, G." says Devin. "Dat ain't coo', dawg. You's supposed 'ta be a goo' membah o' our team, word. An' you isn't."
"Devin," says Julia. "I can't even understand half the things you say. So, why don't you just talk like a normal person!"
"But I isn't a normal person, G." says Devin. "I'mma gangsta."
Julia puts a serious expression on. "Devin, you are not a gangster." she says quietly. She then goes back to her normal, high-pitched, whiny voice. "What's up with all the poseurs on our team?"
"Who else is a poseur besides Devin?" asks Nic.
Everyone stares at him for a few seconds, then begins to laugh.
The scene switches to the Over Nine Thousand cabin.
Gary is playing Maplopoly with Chrissy, Meg, and Octavia. "Yes! I won!" he says. He begins to do a victory dance that consists of shaking his behind.
"Gary," says Chrissy. "You've won seventy-six times, and you've done that victory dance every time. I'm getting bored of it."
"Yeah, when's the next challenge?" asks Meg. "It's been around a week since that capture the flag challenge."
"As a matter of fact," states Octavia, "It's actually only been a day. It has just seemed like a week, because we're bored of this cabin."
Arthur says in the confessional, "Chris has just told me that I am not a fan favorite. Possibly, it is because of my morbid obeeeesity. or, the fact that I complain. Either way, I have to lose some weight." He pats his belly.
"Guys, why do you think we have such a winning streak?" asks Trey.
"Maybe because of all our valuable team members," says Helga snidely, while reading a book called "The Magazine Stealer."
"Shut up, Helga." says Chrissy.
"I'd rather not." says Helga.
Chrissy says in the confessional, "That Helga really pisses me off. I'd like to vote her out. That is, if we ever lose. Ugh."
Chris meets the remaining twelve contestants at a new amphitheater.
"Hey, I didn't notice that before." says Arthur.
"Yeah, because I just built it! That is, with the help of my trusty interns." says Chris. He motions to some interns, who are piled up in a heap and sweating like crazy.
"So that's why the challenge took you so long." says Meg.
"Yeah, I guess." says Chris. "Anyways, today's challenge is a sing-off!"
Most people groan, while Octavia cheers.
"You will get two hours to get ready for your performance." explains Chris. "The team with the coolest effects, and the best singers, will win invincibility. Also, you might want to add some flashy lights, and whatnot. Chef and I love that stuff. You can pick any song you want, as long as it's age-appropriate."
Elena raises her hand.
"What?" snaps Chris.
"How does this have to do with drama, tikis, or jungles?" she says.
"Don't know." says Chris. "I've just been waiting to do this challenge for quite a while. Now, start! Remember, you only have two hours."
"All right, teamies." says Devin. "I's an amazin' singa'."
"All right," says Julia. "What have you got?"
"Shawty's like a melody, in mah head, dat I can't keep out, got me singin' like..." begins Devin, in a horrible voice.
"No." snaps Julia.
"'Cause yo' amazin, jus' the way ya' are!" sings Devin.
"Nope." groans Elena.
"Hi, mah name is... Wha'? Mah name is... Wha'? Mah name is..." says Devin.
"Horrible singer." says Carson snidely.
"Let me try to sing." says Nic valiantly. "Alejandro was an amazing singer. I hope to follow in his footsteps."
"Actually, no he wasn't." says Julia. "He was one of the worst singers in the season. He used too much autotune, and when he didn't, he sounded like a dying zucchini. I still don't get how you can use autotune on a friggin' reality show."
"Okay, then." huffs Nic. "Don't you have all of those costumes in your bag, Elena?"
"Oh, yeah." says Elena. "That might work for the visual effects. Let me go get them."
She runs to the cabin, then comes back with her bag, overflowing with costumes.
"All right." says Elena, going through her costumes. "Sunglasses for Julia..."
Julia grabs her sunglasses, then complains. "I look like a cool cat."
"And, a hot pink vest and bell bottoms for Carson..." says Elena.
Carson grumbles and puts the stuff on.
"Some bling and some apple bottom jeans for Devin!" says Elena happily.
"Yay, thanks dawg!" says Devin. "I's got a goo' idea fo' th' song, G!"
"Thanks a lot." says Julia. She punches Elena in the arm.
Elena says in the confessional, "Julia may be small, but she certainly can pack a punch. Wow, that really hurt."
"I'll just wear my pajamas." says Elena. "That's it, right?"
"You forgot me, madam." says Nic.
"You're not part of my team, as far as I'm concerned." says Elena.
Nic scowls, and sees that the only thing left in the bag is a blonde wig. "This'll have to do." says Nic, and puts the wig on.
"You suck, Nic." says Elena angrily. "That's my wig."
Nic says in the confessional, "Okay, Elena has got to go. I know I liked her at first, but I know her true nature. She's a ruthless monstress bent on destroying the world!" He pauses for a moment. "Either that, or she's just grumpy."
Meanwhile, the Over Nine Thousand team is trying to come up with ideas as well.
"Let's sing a song about morbid obeeeesity." says Arthur.
"Oh yeah, and Chris would looove that. We would totally win." says Helga sarcastically.
"I have a great song to sing, guys." says Octavia. "It's called 'Gary, Indiana.' It's from one of the plays I was in."
"I totally support that." says Gary. "Let's do it!"
"Gee, I wonder why." says Helga snidely.
"Hey, guys?" asks Trey. "Where's the fluorescent light thingies?"
"I don't know." says Arthur. "I swear, I just saw them."
Helga motions to Gary, who's waving, with fluorescent lights wrapped around him.
"I got carried away." says Gary sheepishly.
"All right, I'll see how long it takes to unravel them from our little nerd friend." says Trey.
Arthur picks up a grapefruit from the ground. He looks at it for a minute, then grins.
Arthur says in the confessional, while eyeing the grapefruit, "Maybe this will tighten my peanuts."
Octavia says to Meg and Chrissy, "We must also dress elegantly if we want to win this challenge." She takes out her ponytail holder, revealing her long, flowing hair.
"Wow." says Gary.
"Homina homina homina." says Arthur.
Trey approaches Octavia. "You look very nice like that." he says.
"Thanks." Octavia says, unimpressed.
Chrissy stomps towards Meg. "Look at what Octavia made me wear."
She is wearing a belly dancer-like outfit with beads, a skirt, and pink slippers.
Meg bursts out laughing.
"I hate pink, beads, and pink beads." says Chrissy. "This is an embarrassment."
"Well, Octavia made me take out my ponytail." says Meg. "I look like Hannah."
"Who?" asks Gary.
"My pathetic twin sister." says Meg. "She's sorta annoying."
"Wait..." says Gary. "You mean, there's another you?"
Gary says in the confessional, "Another Meg! Hotness, which is already over 9000, times two! I have to meet her!"
Meg pokes her head in. "You don't want to meet her." she says. "She's sort of a downer."
"Does she run?" asks Gary.
"No, she plays soccer." says Meg.
"I played soccer once." says Gary. "I was the shag."
Meg laughs, then leaves.
Chris says from the amphitheater, "Only five minutes left!"
"You guys ready?" asks Julia, with her sunglasses on, holding a microphone.
"Yeah!" says Nic. "I mean, Si!"
Julia says in the confessional, "Oh, and now he's trying to learn Spanish? I sorta feel sorry for that little guy."
"Wait!" asks Devin. "Is we gon' do th' Apple Bottom Jeans thang, yo?"
"I guess." says Elena. "It's our last resort."
"Wow, Devin. Your pants are pulled up." says Carson. "You're still wearing apple bottom jeans, but it's an improvement."
"Thanks, dawg." says Devin.
"All right, jungle friends." says Chris. "The Terrible Tikis will go first. Are you guys ready?"
"Yeah, man!" says Julia. "We're gonna win!"
"Yeah, I don't know about that. But, let's see what you got."
Devin goes in the center of the stage, while Nic, Elena and Julia are putting up lights, and Carson is dancing.
"She had them, apple bottom jeans!" sings Devin.
"Jeans!" says Carson.
"Boots with th' fur!" says Devin.
"The fur!"
"The whole club lookin' at her! She hit the--" says Devin.
"Wait a second." says Chris. "I said the song had to be age appropriate, and this song is not. Sorry, guys. Let's hear Over Nine Thousand sing."
Octavia is rolling about on the ground.
"What have we here?" asks Chris.
"Stage... fright..." mumbles Octavia.
"Dude, you're in front of, like, eight people. Nothing to be afraid of." says Gary.
Octavia barfs on Gary.
"Looks like we have some technical difficulties here." says Chris. "Over Nine Thousand will not be able to perform."
The Terrible Tikis cheer.
"Yes!" screams Julia.
"Wait a second." says Chris. "I never said you guys won."
"Huh?" asks Julia.
"You had an extremely suggestive song. Over Nine Thousand wins... again. Honestly, I'm giving you so many advantages, and you still suck every time. Sorry, guys. Another elimination." says Chris.
In the Over Nine Thousand cabin, they're complaining, surprisingly.
"All right guys, we have to lose next time. I'm not even kidding." says Gary.
"We know." says Meg. "What can we do to lose?"
"I don't know, do nothing in the next challenge?" asks Arthur.
"You already do that, idiot." snaps Helga.
"Hypocrite." groans Arthur.
Nic says in the confessional, "I have some evil plans tonight. Ol' buff ab belly and I have been plotting. Right, Abby?" Nic makes his belly button resemble a mouth and says in a high voice, "Yeah, Nicky! You're the best!"
Elena says in the confessional, "I'm gonna win this thing. All I have to do is keep manipulating the dumb boys into thinking that I like them. I'm a pretty good antagonist."
Chris says at the elimination ceremony, "Greetings. Tonight, Nic actually gets the first marshmallow."
"Yes!" screams Nic.
"Julia is also safe." says Chris.
Julia gets her prize.
"And Devin. You sucked in the challenge, but got no votes against you, so good job." says Chris.
Devin swaggers up to the plate, and gets his marshmallow.
"The last marshmallow goes to either Carson or Elena. Carson, people view you as a threat." says Chris.
"Why, just because I won the first season?" asks Carson.
"Yeah, I guess. And Elena, I don't know what happened. The final marshmallow goes to..." says Chris.
"...Carson."
"All right, then. Thanks, guys." says Carson, and walks back to camp.
"What?" says Elena, obviously hurt. "Who voted for me?"
"Apparently, Nic, Carson, and Devin." says Chris. "Sorry, girl. Time to go bye-bye."
"Idiots." says Elena, her sad face turning into a scowl. "You're gonna wish you never did that. See ya, buttfaces." She walks past the Raft of Losers, and starts doggie-paddling away.
Nic says in the confessional, "Elena was expendable, they all are. Some will prove to be more challenging than others, but one by one, they'll all go down." He falls into the toilet. "Crap!" 
"Wow, who knew that Nic would actually get something done? I mean, he's still sort of a failure, but he did eliminate a good player! Find more of this juicy stuff next time on Total Drama: Tiki Jungle!" exits Chris.