The Microwave/transcript

== Transcript ==
Episode Aired: January 25, 1997
Episode Copyrighted: 1996
This episode is rated TV-PG-D.
The episode begins with a shot of the house as we then see the interior and Gumball holding up his gross jar.
Gumball Watterson: Behold, Darwin. The grossest thing ever! I shall name it the gross jar! It will be my legacy to the world! It's the coolest thing ever.
Darwin Watterson: But I thought that my tap-dancing dolphin impression was the coolest thing ever. *imitates a dolphin, complete with dolphin noises and tap dances to music*
Gumball Watterson: Yeah, but this just literally blew you out of the water.
Darwin Watterson: *sad dolphin noise* What's inside?
Gumball Watterson: Well…
SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: Hey Gumball and Darwin.
Gumball Watterson: Hey, dudes. We're make a new friend.
Darwin Watterson: So...
Montage of Gumball sneezing and disposing of the used tissues in his gross jar, feeding birds and collecting poop, picking lint out of Richard's belly button and Richard drinking out-of-date milk and Gumball holding up the gross jar, winking. We cut back to a rather confused Lincoln.
Lincoln Loud: Okay. So what are you going to do with it?
Richard Watterson: *walks into the kitchen behind the two, looking half asleep and yawning*
As he mistakes the gross jar for his coffee and puts it in the microwave.
Gumball Watterson: Yeah, well, that's the problem. I don't really know. It needs a final touch to make it a true masterpiece.
Richard Watterson: *turns on the microwave*
Gumball and Darwin Watterson: *gasps simultaneously* Nuke it!
Richard Watterson: Could you tell me when my coffee's ready? I'll be in the garden.
Darwin Watterson: What's going on?
Both look directly at the gross jar which mysteriously creates an eyeball. Gumball and Darwin scream.
Gumball Watterson: He's looking at me!
Darwin Watterson: Dude, where did you find an eyeball?
Gumball Watterson: I-I didn't. It must be the atomic power of the microwave.
The microwave dings, and smoke appears.
Darwin Watterson: It looks like it's alive.
Gumball Watterson: *opens the microwave door* SpongeBob?
SpongeBob SquarePants: *takes out the gross jar* Thank you, Gumball and Darwin, have a nice day.
Slide transition to The Loud House, eyes and a mouth are created.
Kenneth: Mama.
Lincoln Loud: Did you hear that? It called you "Mom."
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hmm. Then I guess that makes you think it's him.
Lincoln Loud: It's him?! Aah! What are we gonna do?! I don't want to be a baby father! Let's ditch it!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Shh! Don't say stuff like that in front of him! I mean, come on. He's kind of cute. Hello, little guy.
Kenneth: *laughs*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Don't you worry about a thing. Me and your father will take care of everything.
Lincoln Loud: *sneaks away*
SpongeBob SquarePants: *sees him* Where do you think you're going?!
Lincoln Loud: *nervously* Uh… to buy some stuff? At the shop?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Lincoln, what are you doing?! He's your son.
Lincoln Loud: *sees Kenneth's cute looking body*
Then he cries.
Lincoln Loud: *cries* I'm sorry, little guy. From now on, I'll always be there for you.
Kenneth: *struggles*
SpongeBob SquarePants: *gasps* Lincoln, I think he's ready for his first steps.
Lincoln Loud: Wait! *goes offscreen and returns carrying a camera* Go ahead. Come on, don't be shy. Come to Daddy. Aww! He's kind of got my eyes. Don't you think?
Kenneth: *jumps out and starts eating his eye*
Lincoln Loud: Aah! He's got my top lip, too!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Dude, it's what babies do. He's just suckling.
Lincoln Loud: He's not suckling! He's eating!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Okay, relax. He's just playing. He'll come off on his own.
Lincoln Loud: *calms down* Okay. Okay. Okay. Aah! His teeth are sinking in!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Okay, that's enough! Bad baby! Stop mauling your father and get back in your jar this insta—
Kenneth: *tackles SpongeBob and bites his face*
SpongeBob SquarePants: *screams* AAAHHH! HE'S GOT MY FACE!
Lincoln Loud: I know what it is. He must be hungry.
Slide transition to Kenneth is on the chair. He breaks a cup, snarling hungrily and excitedly.
Lincoln Loud: Okay, so he doesn't like fruits, vegetables, or cereal. But it does like pigeons, rats, raccoons, seagulls, and the mailman's butt.
Lola Loud: What was all that noise? What are you two up— Aah! What is that thing?!
SpongeBob SquarePants: It's Gumball and Darwin's baby.
Lola Loud: What are you talking about? Where did you find it?
Lincoln Loud: It came out of the microwave.
Lola Loud: Are you sure it didn't come out of the toilet? It's disgusting.
SpongeBob SquarePants: They always look a bit funny when they're just born.
Lincoln Loud: He's actually very advanced for his age.
SpongeBob SquarePants: You should have seen him catch that seagull.
Lola Loud: What?! You let that monster out?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Look, I was trying to be nice here, but you better stop insulting our child or I don't know what I'll do.
Lola Loud: It's not a child! And what's he doing in my room?
SpongeBob SquarePants: It's Gumball and Darwin's buddy, Lola.
Lola Loud: *confused* You called it "Kenneth"?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Baby needs a name. Look, like it or not, you're Kenneth's aunt. Now, we're gonna buy more pigeon traps. You babysit.
Lola Loud: Are you crazy? What do you think you're—
SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: *leaves*
Lola Loud: Ugh!
Kenneth: *grumbles*
Lola Loud: I guess you're kind of ugly cute.
Scene changes to Kenneth's point of view.
Lola Loud: What kind of animal are you? Wow. Those are pretty pointy teeth.
Kenneth: *gets out of the high chair*
Lola Loud: What the—
He jumps at Lola and she screams in fear. Later, 8 Loud Sisters and Sandy by Kenneth.
Leni Loud: Kenneth, we're back!
SpongeBob SquarePants: *drops Gumball's pigeon traps*
He sees the messy room. Kenneth has gained weight. Lola is nowhere to be seen.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Ah! What a mess.
Lincoln Loud: Where are my sisters?
Leni Loud: Eh, I knew they'd bail.
Lincoln Loud: SpongeBob, has Kenneth grown?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Grown into a trouble maker. This place is a mess! Naughty Kenneth.
Lynn Loud Sr.: *offscreen* Kids, dinner is—
Kenneth: *grabs Lynn Sr. offscreen*
Lynn Loud Sr.: *screams, offscreen*
Kenneth: *eats Lynn Sr., then eats the Wattersons, offscreen*
The doorbell rings.
Gary Hedges: *offscreen* Parcel for the Louds!
Kenneth: *jumps out the high chair and runs to the front door*
Gary Hedges: *offscreen* Hi. Waah! Whoa!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Lincoln and Leni Loud: *bursts out the door*
Kenneth: *slurps up the mailman*
Patrick Star: *notices Kenneth is even bigger* Did Kenneth just eat the mailman?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Uh, no, no, no. That's not possible. Not his Kenneth.
Patrick Star: Well, where is he, then?
Leni Loud: What do I know, mailing? I'm more worried about Kenneth. Does it look to you like he's gaining weight?
Kenneth is seen eating garbage.
Lincoln Loud: I'm more worried about his attitude. This boy needs discipline.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *sighs* I think Lisa needs our help.
Slide transition to Lisa's room.
Lisa Loud: Okay, here's to stop Kenneth. Do you want the regular answer or the experimental answer?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Uh, experimental please.
Lisa Loud: Good.
Screen cuts to outside of The Loud House.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Lincoln, Leni and Lisa Loud: *goes outside*
Lisa Loud: Here's gonna stop Kenneth.
Lincoln Loud: What is it, Lis?
Lisa Loud: The monster don't seem to be—
Kenneth: *grabs Lisa*
Lisa Loud: Dang it!
Kenneth: *eats Lisa*
Lincoln Loud: Oh no! He ate Lisa!
SpongeBob SquarePants: We're going to the backyard.
Slide transition cuts to the backyard.
Mr. Krabs: *relaxes in the backyard*
He tans himself, with cucumber slices covering his eyes.
Mr. Krabs: Relaxing.
SpongeBob SquarePants: So, um, we went Jellyfishing.
Squidward Tentacles: Uh-huh.
SpongeBob SquarePants: And, uh, we've got to look after this, uh, gross dog thing.
Mr. Krabs: I'm with you.
Leni Loud: And we need your help disciplining it.
Mr. Krabs: *gets up* Okay. It's pretty simple, kind of like morons, actually. The first thing you have to do is to let it know you're the pack leader. So you look them in the eyes and tell them firmly you're the boss. *points at Kenneth* Now, you've been a naughty doggy!
Kenneth: *consumes Mr. Krabs' hand*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Mr. Krabs, he's got your hand.
Mr. Krabs: Well, that's to be expected, boy. The best thing to do is to remain calm and reassert your authority.
Kenneth: *consumes Mr. Krabs' arm*
Leni Loud: Yeah, but it seems to be eating your arm.
Mr. Krabs: Ha ha ha. It's just testing its boundaries. The worst you can do is give it attention for negative behavior.
As Mr. Krabs talks, he is slowly eaten by Kenneth.
Mr. Krabs: I have always found that a positive reinforcement approach is the best way to— *gets eaten completely*
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Leni and Lincoln: MR. KRABS!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Kenneth's eaten Mr. Krabs!
Lincoln Loud: Probably The Wattersons and 9 sisters got eaten, too!
SpongeBob SquarePants: We've got to save them!
Kenneth: *finishes eating Mr. Krabs*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward, he ate Mr. Krabs!
Squidward Tentacles: And this affects me, how?
Kenneth: *grabs Squidward*
Squidward Tentacles: *screams*
Kenneth: *eats Squidward and roars the four*
SpongeBob SquarePants: We'll save them later!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Lincoln and Leni Loud: *run away, screams*
SpongeBob, Patrick, Lincoln and Leni barricade the house. At night, Rita comes back home.
Rita Loud: Hey kids. Sorry I'm late, I— *gets hit by a bucket* Ow! What the—
SpongeBob SquarePants: *talks very fast* Rita, something terrible in the garden became in the microwave and became alive and swallowed the mailman and dad and Anais and wants to eat us and we got here, and—
Rita Loud: *confused* What, honey?
SpongeBob SquarePants: *hyperventilates*
Lincoln Loud: What SpongeBob is trying to say is *panicks the microwave monster was nice at first, but then it ate everyone! It's horrible and it's in the garden and it's really dangerous! We need to build an army to— *babbles* He's a fry cook!
Rita Loud: Okay, slow down, guys. Where's your father?
A sound from the backyard causes SpongeBob, Patrick, Lincoln and Leni to gasp and look at Kenneth walking through the window. Then they scream.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Lincoln and Leni Loud: It's turned to a monster, and now it's coming to get us!
Rita Loud: Oh, for god sake. It's probably just a raccoon. I'll go and check. You stay here. *walks to the backyard*
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Lincoln and Leni Loud: No! Don't go outside!
Rita Loud: *goes outside, wary* Lynn? Where are you? What's wrong with the kids? They haven't been this scared since you made them wax your back. Lynn, you better not be trying to scare me. *steps on a rubber duck, and is startled by it, then sighs in relief* Oh! Aww. Lynn? Lynn, stop playing games.
Kenneth: *sneaks from behind, and towers over Rita*
Rita Loud: Lynn? *looks up, and screams* AAAAAAAH!
Leni Loud: Don't worry, we'll save them, Patrick.
Patrick Star and Leni Loud: *goes outside*
Patrick Star: Leni, he swallowed your mom!
Leni Loud: You think?
Patrick Star: *screams*
Kenneth: *eats Patrick and roars at Leni*
Leni Loud: HE ATE PATRICK! *screams* AAAAAAAH!
Screen cuts back inside The Loud House.
SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: *screams*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Lincoln, what are we gonna do! Kenneth has grown up to be a troubled child and ate everybody!
Lincoln Loud: A troubled child that eats everybody! We've got to do something!
SpongeBob SquarePants: You're right, Lincoln. No video games for a week.
Lincoln Loud: *crosses my arms*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Uh, grounded for two weeks? Okay. Let's send him to boarding school.
Lincoln Loud: Stop being so soft! We have to stop him now!
SpongeBob SquarePants: *cries*
Slide transition cuts to the both of them creeping around out in the backyard, carrying tools for weapons. An owl hoots.
SpongeBob SquarePants: What was that?
Lincoln Loud: It's an owl.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh.
They continue walking. A twig cracks.
SpongeBob SquarePants: What was that?
Lincoln Loud: A twig.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh.
They continue walking again. A flapping sound is heard.
Lincoln Loud: What was that?
SpongeBob SquarePants: That's my butt cheek quivering with fear.
Lincoln Loud: Really?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah. Look.
SpongeBob's butt is seen quivering. Then some of Kenneth's goo drops on them. He growls, and SpongeBob and Lincoln.
SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: *screams in horror and runs*
Kenneth: *growls again, and pounces on the ground*
He gets stuck in the fence.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Lincoln, this is our chance!
They charge, and repeatedly smack Kenneth's butt with their weapons. But each time they hit it, someone inside Kenneth screams "ow."
SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: *notices this, and gasps with joy*
Lincoln Loud: Are you alright in there?
Lynn Loud Sr.: *inside Kenneth, offscreen* Can someone get us out of here?
Richard Watterson: *presses face against Kenneth's butt* Partly digested and a little cramped, but otherwise fine. Just get us out of here, please!
Squidward Tentacles: *presses face against Kenneth's butt* Get us out of here, you idiots!
Kenneth: *gets up, and sends SpongeBob and Lincoln flying*
They hit a wall.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *groans* Buddy, we gotta do something.
Lincoln Loud: I got it! *grabs the garden hose, and eventually ties it around myself* Tie the hose pipe around me, then all I have to do is dive into his mouth, grab everyone, make a human chain, and when I say, "okay," you simply pull us out. Got it? Let's go! *runs to Kenneth, and successfully gets eaten*
He sees the other people inside.
Lincoln Loud: Yeah! I did it! Everybody, hold tight. Okay, SpongeBob, now pull!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Gotcha! *struggles to pull them out; fails* Okay, this isn't working.
Lincoln Loud: Well, think of something else! Our lives depend on you!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Uh, I hate to tell you this, but I got nothin'.
Kenneth: *roars at SpongeBob, knocking him against the wall*
He also turns the tap on with his impact.
Kenneth: *starts to bloat*
SpongeBob SquarePants: No, no, no! Kenneth, please don't eat me! Please! If you like eating people, I-I'll bring you some, like a good mother.
Kenneth: *continues growing with water*
SpongeBob SquarePants: And, uh, maybe a salad once in a while because you're starting to get a little bit chubby.
Kenneth: *pops*
The water inside of him floods the backyard. Gary floats by Gumball, and hands him a package.
Gary Hedges: Here's your package. Have a nice day. *floats away*
A pigeon floats by, and the flood recedes. The rest of the heroes are by his side.
Patrick Star, Squidward Tentacles, Mr. Krabs, Sandy Cheeks, The Rectangles, The Wattersons and The Loud Family: SpongeBob!
Lincoln Loud: Great idea, turning on the hose.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, pfft. It was nothing. Just quick thinking, you know? I-I work best when I'm under pressure. It definitely wasn't an accident or anything.
Kenneth (back to his small size) is seen. SpongeBob, Lincoln, Gumball and Darwin walk to him.
Gumball Watterson: Aww, Kenneth. Look at you now. You're as sweet as when you were born. Who could imagine he'd turn into such a—
Squidward Tentacles: *charges at Kenneth with a tool for a weapon* Aah!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward, no!
Squidward Tentacles: Are you kidding?! That thing ate me and barfed me! I'm gonna end this right now!
SpongeBob SquarePants: B-But he didn't mean it. It's just that we've been bad parents!
Lola Loud: SpongeBob, that thing is a man-eating monster!
Anais Watterson: Yeah, he is a man-eating monster!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Yes, maybe he eats people once in a while, but maybe, just maybe, he needs some love and understanding. We are responsible for the future generation. We make the children that will become the world of tomorrow. We're sorry, guys.
Lincoln Loud: Yeah, we're sorry.
Nicole Watterson: What?!
Gumball Watterson: Look at him. He won't hurt anyone now.
Darwin Watterson: Doesn't this poor creature deserve a second chance?
SpongeBob SquarePants: We'll call you "Best Friend Kenneth."
All: *observes him "innocently" looking around*
Patrick Star, Squidward Tentacles, Mr. Krabs, Sandy Cheeks, The Rectangles, The Wattersons and The Loud Sisters and Parents: Aww! Okay.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Trust me, guys. This time, it'll be different.
Slide transition to SpongeBob's House.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Eat up, Kenneth.
Kenneth: *eats with Gary*
Gary the Snail: Meow.
Patrick Star: *laughs*
Leni Loud: He's totes so cute.
Patrick Star: Yeah.
Squidward Tentacles: Alright Lincoln, now leave me alone.
Screen cuts to a gigantic Kenneth wreaking havoc at the city. Sirens blare, and helicopters train their lights on Kenneth.
Kenneth: *knocks a helicopter down, and roars*
Lincoln Loud: On second thought, we probably should have listened to my dad.
Screen fades in black and it says "THE END". Episode ends.
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