S07E14: The Gang Gets into the Publishing Business

== Previously on MCVFD ==
We have come to Limbo at the request of Momma P. She urged us to resolve the He Who Sleeps problem in whatever way we see fit. We’ve come to learn he’s another Ancient Dragon who at one point was ready to take over the world, and Momma P worked with the Drakeguard to exile him to Limbo.
We’ve made contact with the Drakguard in Limbo, doing some missions for them here and there. We’ve completed some quests to fix their monitoring stations, restoring their capabilities. We’ve currently restored Alpha, Beta, and Gamma, and have our eyes on the next station on the list, which is the Phenomar listening station.
Phenomar is an odd place. Limbo is already odd, but Phenomar is an odd subset of Limbo. Phenomar is a forest realm, despite being in the chaos realm. It’s the home of the literal Elven God, it’s where Elven rangers come to train. We don’t really know much about it, but there’s a monitoring station keeping an eye on it.
The message we received was a hoity toity voice doing a hear ye hear ye kind of thing, announcing that the staff of the station had been arrested for illegal poaching. Given the choice between amputation and indentured servitude for the court, it turns out they all chose servitude.
Our mission is to recover the staff. Presumably the listening station is still there and in fine condition, we just need to get the people there and figure out what happened. In addition to all of that, we have a few loose threads we can choose to address: we’ve most recently spoken to Wosley at the Beta station after recovering it, Averlyth received a voicemail from Momma P directly, and we have a new message from Qualish who’s asking us to come in so he can share some news and we can acquire something for him.
== Session ==
The group takes a long rest as we figure out what to do. Both Kanye and Sorith are not currently here; Nissa points out that it would be awkward to see Qualish without Kanye. The DM points out Kanye would probably have a whole encounter with Qualish’s Mindflayer now that we know what Mindflayers are.
Um: It might be nice to have a “solve things peacefully session”. We haven’t done that for literally years, and Kanye and Sorith aren’t here this time.
Kanye joins the Zoom
Um: Oh never mind, combat has arrived.
Since Kanye is here, we’ve decided we’ll go to Qualish after all by making a temporary portal from Barnstable directly to Qualish’s office via the IP Address (coordinates) he gave us.
The group briefly contemplates what the best strategy for maximizing Qualish’s annoyance in us.Kanye: I’m going to approach the portal door like we’re fighting. I’m going to roll in, and then I’m going to trigger my glitter bomb.Um: I think we’re risking rolling initiative for combat with QualishKanye: Can I roll persuasion?Kanye kicks the door in, and executes a flawless shoulder roll into the door, colliding into a shelf full of glass baubles. Some of them release ethereal mists or a sparkling cloud of magic vapor. He triggers his glitter bomb, and the first he hears is Qualish loudly cursing as he fumbles on his desk until finds a big red button that he hits, which triggers the exhaust fans.Kanye: My name is Kany-Qualish: Yeah yeah, I’m regretting giving you guys backdoor access, I guess I told you guys to stop by. Where’s the rest of your group?Kanye: I'm not sure.Kanye gives Qualish a muffin? Apparently it took him up a notch to notch one. He gazes into Susan’s eyes. He feels probing in his mind, though he was somewhat prepared after our encounters with the Mindflayer last time. He knocks the glass just above the “do not knock on the glass” sign.
Qualish has some news for us. He says he knows the Founder told us to deal with He Who Sleeps however we want - although most problems are solved by punching, especially when we’re involved - so he took some liberties to prepare things for us. He pulls up what looks like a garage door that reveals a larger vehicle bay: in it are multiple vehicles in various stages of construction. Some are apparati of Qualish, some are different.
In particular, we notice 5 individual apparati that look like the animals we picked a long time ago. They look a little different from the normal vehicles he’s built before. They look nimble, agile, and have some weaponry similar to some of the features of Kanye’s power armor. The good news is these should help even the playing field for us against an Elder Dragon. We should be able to get in a fight and not die immediately.
There’s one small catch.
…
He doesn’t know how to power them???
Kanye is trying to jimmy the lock, nothing’s working. Qualish is looking for something Nissa has likely heard of before, that hopefully we’ll see soon, called a Limbo egg or a Limbo pearl. These are what happen when a small bit of elemental order ends up stuck in Limbo and isn’t addressed. Limbo over time excrete a protective shell around it.
The clash between raw chaos and raw elemental order turns out to be a phenomenally powerful source of energy, but he doesn’t have any. As we venture out, we’ll have to keep an eye out for them.
Everyone except Kanye notices that there are some noticeable differences between these apparatuses and the other ones we’ve seen. We’ve seen one shaped like a lobster, one like a tank, they all had a very definitive appearance. These are built strangely, the animal shapes are kinda abstract, they don’t quite follow the right proportions, there are odd bits sticking out of them at odd angles. They look a little odd.
Qualish finally gets fed up and unlocks Kanye’s apparatus’ door so he can check out the cockpit. He walks us through what feels like a jet fighter cockpit. There are controls we can grip; unlike the steering-wheel-esque control in the lobster, these look like we can maneuver in all dimensions. These are super agile.
There are a few readouts on the dashboard indicating our position in space. They’re all powered down, but we guess they should indicate where the other vehicles are relative to us. On Kanye’s dashboard there is a great big red button, with a cardboard sign taped over it that says “do not push”. Qualish looks simultaneously upset and pleased, saying “Don’t worry about it. Don’t press that button”. Kanye puts a little star next to it.
Um questions if we can go to the Modron Plane, so we can intentionally go and sample some order stuff, taking it to Limbo to create the eggs. The answer is yes, if we have a few millennia.Um: You haven’t invented time travel yet? GeezQualish: That was the last adventure arcKane asks if it’s a good time to talk about his ask for Predator Vision. Qualish takes him to a part of the lab. He pulls out a wire, there’s a screen that says “firmware updating”, the power armor shuts down and turns back on. It now has incremented by one version, and has an ability that’s the equivalent of “see invisibility”. Like all other abilities, it costs either one charge or blood :D
Kanye asks if the animal apparati have anything different from the normal apparatuses. It sounds like they can fly, shoot guns, cannons.
While Kanye is fiddling with his new toy, Nissa asks Qualish if Momma P has talked about us at all. Apparently they don’t talk.Qualish: I have found in my life, when there’s an Ancient Dragon, it’s best to avoid them at all costs. Just a little survival technique for ya.Nisas looks nervously at the door, pretending she’s not looking nervously at the door. Qualish also points out we should probably not avoid her for too long if she’s expecting us.
The group reassesses why we’re so nervous about checking in with Momma P. We were originally unsure about her after the information we heard in Barnstable; after some time to process, we think we may feel fine with finally giving her a status update.
Averlyth volunteers to see Momma P herself, since she got the voicemail directly and has a lot of points in deception.Kanye: I……….. think I might be a liability if I goUm: Have you considered being quiet?Nissa gives Kanye the safeword of “Banana”. We miscommunicate on how this safeword is supposed to be used. Kanye is very nervous about mind control and how he’d communicate to the group when he’s being controlled; Nissa reminds him that we invented 2FA via our rings for this purpose.
Just as we’re about to go to see the Director, Kanye asks if we can go see Bosley first.
Kanye: I saved some waffles for Bosley from Alpha Station
DM: From Alpha Station? Wasn’t that weeks ago?
Kanye believes the waffles are fresh and delicious, and they are Limbo waffles, so they might… still be fresh and delicious? Narrator: it was Gamma station [1].
Last time we were here, Momma P was operating out of Bosley’s office. We don’t know if that’s still the case, but Kanye is keeping his hopes up.
On the way to Momma P, Kanye simultaneously muses whether or not our reality is a dream while compiling a waffle for Bosley.Kanye: Do you think this is too much cream?Nissa: Oh, you know her best.Kanye breaks his head thinking about whether or not She Who Wakes is a dream from He Who Sleeps and focuses on his waffle instead.
Bosley’s office has frosted glass on the door and her name written on it. Below that it says “Office of the Founder - By Appointment Only”Nissa: That doesn’t mean us, rightKanye: I assume I can kick that door down, is that an innie or an outie?Kanye would like to carefully inspect this door if it can withstand the impact. It’s a pretty standard office door, painted to look nicer than it actually is. It would probably break if kicked down by Kanye, although Averlyth has the mending cantrip ready.Kanye: I think I’m going to opt for a fancy kick, like not with so much gustoUm: What about.. If you kick it softly with your fist?Kanye summons all of his training - all of his late nights with Um around the campfire with a mock up of the door where he taught how to “kick” the door without blowing the door to pieces - and he reaches up and knocks on the door.
From inside, we hear Bosley say “Come in!” Um forgot to tell Kanye what to do next, so he opens the door for him.
Kanye rediscovers the art of kneeling, but his adventurer’s brain remembers it like “a formal move where you’re in the finished position of a shoulder roll, and you just have a knee up like a lunge”. He does it and there’s an awkward pause before he hisses “Woodhouse”, who announces “Kanye Cantaliber of the House of Cantaliber.... and Associates”.
It’s just Bosley! Kanye brought him waffles from afar. She can’t help but notice he did not kick the door down. She likes the extra M&M’s on the waffles.
Nissa tells Bosley that we’re here to make a report. She pushes a button on her desk that looks like an intercom: “Mom, the MCVFD are here to make a report, you want to come on in?”. She says sure, and a door in the back opens and Momma P walks in.
She gestures us to our seats, Woodhouse comes around with a servant with tea. She acts surprised to hear that the Drakeguard in Limbo are still around. Nissa shares how we’ve recovered some monitoring stations, and the Gith Zorai are trying to improve the lives of people in Limbo.
She asks what their goals are. We reveal that they have recently been losing the fight against HWS who has been waking up a little bit. She asks what we’ve been up to, as it’s difficult for someone like her to take a hands off approach given her “micro-managey” style.
Kanye is avoiding eye contact with Momma P, slowly lowering his visor over his tea drinking straw. For Um and Nissa, Momma P isn’t giving a lot. She seems to be pretty above the board. Averlyth picks up on discomfort - it’s hard to tell if she genuinely doesn’t know how to be hands off, or if she’s hiding something. She’s not necessarily being deceitful, but definitely awkward.
Averlyth shares that we’ve been getting our information from varying sources as “Limbo seems to be different based on varying group’s perspectives”, and that we’ve been dealing with Slaad, Chaos Beasts, and other evil denizens that have been growing stronger from HWS. She isn’t able to tell us much about Limbo Eggs: she knows them to be rare, though they’re not usually known to be powerful. It sounds like people who are in the position to influence might have them in their clutches.Momma P: I’m curious what sort of actions you’ve been taking, what angles you’re pursuing, thoughts on possible strategy-Kanye: I brought you a rockThere’s a pause as the group realizes Kanye doesn’t know those are normal rocks. He’s pulling out a bunch of rocks from Limbo, some from the monitoring station foundations, some from Yggdrasil?Nissa: Kanye, don’t you think you should keep the banana shaped one?Kanye: Excuse me, I need to go to the bathroomAverlyth describes one possible path where we can weaken He Who Sleeps by making people believe he is weaker. Momma P explains it would be difficult, but admits it’s possible, and that she doesn’t want to dissuade us. Nissa also reveals that we’ve been working with Qualish, who has a lot of mechanical beasts.
Nissa asks if Qualish is doing all right, as our referral. Momma P says she basically keeps him around since he helps us.
Nissa asks if Momma P knows anything about hunting in Phenomar. She says there is one rule: don’t. Apparently the Elven God is not particularly permissible with that.
Averlyth describes the jobs we’ve been doing at monitoring stations at the Spawning Stone, Yggdrasil and He Who Sleeps.Averlyth: what else did we do?Nissa: I billow my cape! I got a cape. OOoo and I got a tattoo! I hold up my finger to show my tattoo and squirt ink everywhere.We offer to give weekly updates, but she reminds us that we were promoted for a reason, it would just be nice for us to keep her checked in every once in awhile.
We leave Bosley’s office, and Kanye takes the group to the PR department to check in on our campaign. The campaign has been progressing, they’ve paid a number of bards and minstrels to begin singing the songs about a heroic group of adventurers - Kanye and his associates - and he believes word is spreading.
Kanye asks if he’s considered spreading into other planes of existence. Sounds like they’d need a much larger budget. Averlyth suggests we do the delivery ourselves if Kanye has an idea of what he wants to distribute. Kanye explains he’d like to see more power for us in Limbo.
Averlyth suggests if we should get mini bibles spouting praise for MCVFD.DM: You mean like chick tracts?Averlyth: What are chick tracts?DM: Oh god...Averlyth google image searches chick tracts as the DM explains.Averlyth: Okay yes but not this weird.Kanye: Wait, before we dismiss weird…Nissa points out our adventure would actually be amazing for zines. The DM hints we may find someone to make those for us in Barnstable. Averlyth puts an MCVFD bumper sticker on the chariot, next to the “BEEP FOR BANE” text.
Kanye remembers to get fuel from the flamethrower before we head back to Barnstable, then spends a few last seconds to figure out if he wants to ask for anything.Kanye: Oh wait, can Qualish give me an aura vision, like if someone’s been there? Averlyth: Do you just want detect magic because of your fear of magicians?DM: Qualish is going to accidentally cross a wire and give you gaydarWe go back to Barnstable and ask around for who can make us comic books. We get referred to an illustrator who usually deals with holy texts. He has a magician buddy he can pay to duplicate the pamphlet when it’s made. He asks how many stories and copies? 
Illustration services are 50g, duplication services are 500g. If we want a way to carry them around, we can have a special bag of holding for 100g on top of everything else, so we can distribute them ourselves.
We pick 3 true stories to tell:
# The MCVFD and the Rap Battle with a Dragon
# The MCVFD and the Room of a Thousand Doors
# The MCVFD and the Lessons from the History Channel
# The MCVFD and the Clash with the Four Horsemen
# Bonus Story on last pages: The MCVFD and the Dreams of He Who Sleeps
For our fake story, we decide we’ll claim we went back in time (like in the History Channel story) and convinced everyone in the Drakeguard at that time that He Who Sleeps was actually asleep.
Averlyth points out that we may also want to tell the story of the History Channel Arc in that case so that we foreshadow Time Travel as a mechanic. Kanye suggests we print one page of the fifth/fake story in each of the real stories so people gossip about the secret content. Also we’re going to put “don’t steal this comic” on the comics so it goes even more viral from people stealing it.
Nissa pays him half up front from the Band Fund, we’ll pay him the rest later - he’ll be done in a week.
As we prepare to leave Barnstable, Nissa brings her own bag of lettuce and gives Kanye a run down on what not to do with Fae. We learn that Kanye has no idea what is going on or that we were going to Phenomar. The group catches him up.Kanye: Okay so we go there, I don’t eat anything, I don’t drink anything, I don’t do any favors. Even for money.DM: What kind of favors were you doing??Kanye: I’m just establishing ground rules. No hunting, no killing. Animals. How do I know if I’m dealing with animals or Fae people??IRL everyone is exhausted today, so we will spend some downtime in Barnstable waiting for the illustrator to finish the job before we head out to Phenomar.