2012-09-22 The Feminine Deadpool?!?

See, this is a furball that went bad on an epic scale. It all started last week at the Museum of Modern Art. Yeah, I go to Museums. Big whoop, wanna fight about it?
So there I was, at the Museum, and I hear this thing about this 'exhibition of the Art Feminine' going on in the East Village. You know- it's like Haight Ashbury for New York, full of hippies and stones and stoned hippies. Which I'm totally fine with, don't get me wrong. Also, feminists.
It's one of those things that brings out women around the area- good, bad, ugly, whatever. They come to these art displays and talk about how it emphasizes their... lunar attunement, or some crap. I don't know, whatever.
And normally, I'd steer well clear. Have a night at home, eat some nachos, watch some football or something. Amiright, guys? But this is where it gets weird. Domino- You all know Domino- Domino shows up and asks for my help on a heist. Not to /steal/ something; but to /prevent/ a theft. Turns out someone's got a line on what they call the 'Lunar Emerald'; it's one of those meta-physical representations of the feminine, and there's a rumor that someone's trying to jack it.
So there we were, all set, ready to swoop in and stop a theft, when I see some guy running off with the stone under his jacket! So I might have been checking out Dom's ass, don't judge me, but he's clearly made the switch.
Problem is, I biff the landing, hit the guy, roll up, and I'm standing in a middle of super-powered feministas, holding the symbol of all things Womanly, crossing all ethnic and social lines among superhero and villains (female types), and... Domino's up there doing the facepalm, and I can see Sif looking ready to take someone's head off, and I have NO IDEA who wants to steal it... so I think I'm gonna steal it first to be safe.
*Smack!*
Domino doesn't have much else to say, letting the palm to her forehead offer all of the conversation she feels up to giving. At least Wade found the thing they're trying to keep from getting stolen, how lucky for her. Desperate times call for desperate measures but she's still questioning her sanity in taking on any sort of job that would require an extra set of eyes, let alone an extra set of -Deadpool's- eyes. Have things really gotten to be so tough that she's calling on Mouthy McMoutherson the Merc for help?
She's a bit late to join the new spot of trouble that some people seem to naturally find for themselves (or everyone around them,) making sure that the former theft is down for the count with a swift application of a curbstomp, because one can never be too careful. Now she just has to deal with everything else, and figure out how to get that figurine back from Wade. She doesn't get paid if it leaves the museum.
"..."
Out of everything that could of happened... Everything that should of happened, this... This was not what Kate Bishop expected. After all, when you go to see art, you expect to see /art/. You don't expect to see some costumed clown trying to steal a jewel that's part of the exhibit. Especially a 'clown' like Deadpool.
Thus she ended up in costume. And hence why as Deadpool ends up on the ground, surrounded by female heroes and villains, the female Hawkeye is there, with an arrow up, ready to launch, and aimed right at the merc with a mouths head.
"Do I have to say it...?"
Sif wasn't there because she was a feminist. She wasn't there because something was going to get stolen. No, she was there because she was constantly surrounded by men and has decided she needed to have a female to hang out with once in a while and... really... what better place!?
She arrived dressed in her leathers and armor, sword at her side and helmet perched upon her head. Luckily, she's almost always dressed like this so when obvious trouble starts, she need not doing anything except respond. She had really been hoping trouble would take a night off though.
When it becomes apparent that such isn't her luck, the Goddess scowls as she looks towards the center of it all and right at Deadpool. With a sigh, her sword is drawn as she approaches his position and merely cocks one eyebrow upwards at him. A look that clearly says, as sarcastically as is possible while being silent: Really?
No, not really. Geeeeesh.
Just what is Knockout doing here? She knows nothing about the artifact that is the subject of so much attention, nor did she know about the heist. But she's just here. Serendipity? Probably not as this is not her being lucky or the situation being fortuitous. It's just how things are. Imagine the ex-Fury's amusement when she pauses in her arrival and notices the poor shmuck who is in the process of getting on Domino's and Deadpool's attention as well as the throng of other females who is here.
"By Darkseid's hairy tit, what the hell did I come in on," she curses, using a phrase that many of her former warrior friends and her used to use back on Apokolips. Not sure what she can do, she merely stands off to the edge of the crowd, watching for now.
"Ladies, ladies. Ladies. Please." Deadpool holds up the little figurine Macguffin in front of him, then puts it behind him, then thinks better of it and puts it in front of him again. "This... this is all just a really, really terrible art show, and I'm really just here to stop a theft. Also, OH MY GOD, IT'S DOMINO!" he cries out dramatically, throwing an accusatory finger up at her shadowed balcony position.
The violent motion conceals some sleight of hand on the merc's part, and four smoke grenades scatter at his feet and erupt with a spray of smoke and sparks. Deadpool lunges, twirls, dives, and scurries away from the enclosing heroines and superhumans. As the smoke clears, he's vanished into the crowd, attempting to blend in with the women crying out in confusion.
Hah. All I need is this sunbonnet and this empty baby carriage, and I'm as good as invisible. Hah. Haha! HAHAHAHHA."
Ridiculous cackling laughter fills the arena, and womens' faces turn towards the center of their crowd.
Hah. All I need is this sunbonnet and this empty baby carriage, and I'm as good as invisible. Hah. Haha! HAHAHAHHA."
Ridiculous cackling laughter fills the arena, and womens' faces turn towards the center of their crowd.
Damn.
"And -this- is why we don't talk to Wade," Domino mutters with a sigh. She could have been down there helping to sort this out (very likely with two guns pointed at two heads.) In fact, that's exactly what she's ready to do before Deadpool makes with the smoke and goes running off cackling like a madman. "Damnit Deadpool, come back here!"
He's not coming back, is he.
In another instant Dom's back to ground level and sprinting right after Deadpool, blazing past anyone else not fast enough to do the same. "Gonna give that boy something to cry about..." Hey--is that Knockout? Jury's still out on whether that's a good thing or not, but it's likely going to make their third encounter a slight bit more interesting.
Sure, try and distract an archer who has an arrow aimed at your head? Good call Wade!
"Domino? Huh?" Yeah that doesn't distract Hawkeye. but as those. But then again as those smoke grenades suddenly go off, and Kate starts coughing... That arrow is accidentally let loose.
Yeah. heaven help her if that fricken hits Wade in the head, because odds are the female archer might freak out a bit.
Guess it's a good thing Sif doesn't get out much. She has no idea who Domino is so isn't all that distracted. In fact, her eyes stay trained on Wade. Even when the smoke bombs go off and she starts coughing, the warrior refuses to shut her eyes.
Seeing him in the center of the crowd, the Goddess teleports and in the blink of an eye is in front of Deadpool with her sword raised. "Enough." There are obvious tears from the smoke yet the Lady of Blades refuses to show weakness. "The artifact. Now," she demands.
All the attempts at keeping the peace really is for naught as Knockout is quick to get involved and not on the side of those seeking to put an end to this. A hand is brought up to the back of one of those unknowns milling about, one of the feminists who came here to enjoy herself, and gives her a hard shove. It causes a chain reaction as she bumps into another lady who bumps into another and so on and so forth until about ten of those women are shouting angrily fter being jostled and such. And while they may claim they have nothing but love for their 'sisters' it causes fists to fly, a small little riot to contend with and hopefully put an end to before this turns into a full on brawl.
That done, she looks at Sif and Hawkeye, head tilting to the side just before she notices Domino. Huh! That is interesting. As for Deadpool? He's watched warily.
*THUNK*
"OW! You FREAKING SHOT ME! ...WITH AN ARROW!" There's a long pause. "IN THE HEAD!" How Kate managed to tag him in the middle of the crowd with a snap shot is the reason she's a superheroine. Seriously.
Well, this isn't going well. And holy CRAP, that's a freaking Sif right in front of me. With a giant SWORD!
Deadpool, wearing a sunbonnet, and pushing a baby carriage, and with an arrow in his head, is facing down one of the most terrible handmaidens of Asgard- a warrior very formidable, and with a tremendous sword. He spreads his hands and backs away from the baby carriage, the statuette tucked into the back of his utility belt. "Woah, Sif. Easy." He reaches up and with an audible *crack* snaps off the arrowhead and pulls it out of his skull, which promptly stops bleeding. "I think that we can come to some kind of compromise, here, and that's-" He looks a bit taken aback, and leans sideways to look around the woman. "By Odin's beard, is that Thor? And is he... sunbathing nude?"
Sif may have a huge sword, but Deadpool has crazy mercenary reflexes, and the minute he goes for the bluff, he explodes into a handspring, corkscrewing down and away from Sif and into the crowd. He immediately starts bobbing and weaving through the crowd, trying to hunker his six-foot plus frame down to around five feet. Once he's made some space, he vanishes. A woman wearing a red deathmask and wearing a fancy hat pops up near the bandstand. "Oh my goodness, he's gone over there!" she cries in a terrible, terrible falsetto, pointing back where Deadpool had entered the crowd at.
There's a second there where Domino thinks this is going to come to a quick end when Sif simply teleports ahead to cut off the chase. Not that she stops running after Deadpool, she knows better than to assume it's over! If an arrow to his head isn't going to do the trick, why would a teleporting woman with a sword be any different? Sure enough, the chase is still on. "Nice shot," she promptly calls out to the archer mid-dash. With a mind that's suddenly so flooded with horrible acts of violence she'd like to enact upon her 'partner' in this job it's a bit daunting trying to settle on only one of them.
Then Deadpool makes himself an easy target. "Let's try that again." With a hollowpoint bullet. Catching her breath, Dom draws a large-bore semiautomatic pistol out from hiding and gets a good hold in both hands, leveling the sights on Wade's head. "Remember what happens when you take lead to the brainpan? It hurts, and you're not a fan."
3...
2...
1...
Cue freakout.
"<All capital letter expletive deleted by the Comics Code Authority>!!!!!"
Yeah. Hawkeye realizes she just shot a guy. In the head. With an arrow. Something that'd probably kill a normal guy. Not that she knows who Wade is. Nor does she know what he can do.
"HOLY <Expletive Deleted>!"
Yeah, here's where she seriously should be having a panic attack. But well... Wade just pulls it out like it's nothing, doesn't even bleed, and takes off?!? And did he say Sif?!?
Yeah... Cue all of that hitting Kate at once, which when mixed with the warrior woman teleporting, someone running past her saying that she made a 'good shot', and of course Knockout and her brawl...
Yeah. Kate Bishop is a bit frozen for the moment, somewhere between lost, dumbfounded, and of course dealing with the near panic attack state she's coming down from, but that's fading almost as quickly as it started.
Now that gets a laugh from Sif. She knows her betrothed so very well that she only smirks at Wade. "Next time, I suggest you choose someone I would not know so well." The very notion Thor throwing modesty out the window in such a manner is, obviously, laughable.
When he takes off again, Sif growls and takes off in the direction he went. It's seeing Domino and where her guns are pointed that gives Sif a direction. She runs past Kate, casting a glance at her. "Pull yourself together. You can fall apart later." It's meant to be encouraging. Honest!
She makes a quick leap in the air, and teleports again, reappearing almost before the mind can register it just four feet in front of Domino, hopefully putting Wade between the two of them.
Seriously? Teleporting and weapons? What happened to the use of one's fists to convey a point? Knockout steps out of the fight she just caused and approaches Deadpool, Sif's little trick getting her to snort. "Magic..." Someone just might not be too keen on its use if Kay's tone is any indication. Domino's stepped up and leaned in close to, the taller woman not really even bothering to be concerned that she has a gun in her hands. "What happened," she asks the only person she knows, her voice held low. The archer is watched, curiously rather than warily, her brow knitted. Too many people... too many ways something can go wrong.
Loik a caged Afr'can liohn on tha safari, th' Mercenr'y with th' Heart of Gold is in trouble. Croikey! How's he gonna git outta this mess? What would Steve Irwin have done? Jam his thumb up an alligator's cloaca? I don't think that's going to work here. In fact, I'm almost sure that's going to make the situation worse.
For some reason, Deadpool stands there staring at his thumb for a moment, then drops his weight and looks back and forth from the grim-faced Sif to the incredibly pissed-off Domino. "Domino, I get the impression you're upset with me. I think we can work through this," he says, speaking slowly and clearly. "Also, NINJA TELEPORT!" He grabs a small disc from the small of his back and activates it. He makes a sort of quasi-ninja gesture (ish?)
Man I bet I look like that Shinobi ninja from the ninja video games.
There's a BZZRT and Deadpool manifests next to Kate. "Hi. I think this is yours?" He holds the arrow up for a moment, then flicks it down at the ground (by way of her foot) as hard as he can. "Ooops, dropped it!" He bounds away, still trying to keep his profile low. Smoke grenades start going off all over the place, flung in every direction and laying down a thick cloud cover. He starts to run out of ninja smoek grenades, so the little ones that kids get for the 4th of July start flying out, laying down colored clouds. "Excuse me," he says meekly, slipping past Knockout politely.
What..?! No, don't get between Domino and Deadpool, that's a -terrible- idea! When Sif blinks into existence in front of the monochromed merc she emits a quick sound of surprise and takes an equally quick step back, a second pistol snapping out so she can train one on Wade and the other one on Sif. "Not a good place to be, honey!"
Poof! -Frack!-
Deadpool's gone again, and now Knockout is standing beside Dom. One thing's obvious enough, there's no reason to be holding a gun at Sif anymore. She'll just explain things to both of these ladies, surely they will understand. Hopefully. "He stole that emerald, it needs to stay here!" Sif teleports, too. Dom focuses on her next, "Can you get it away from him?" If she can do this job without discharging a firearm in public, so much the better. Not that she isn't going to riddle that man full of bullets on a later occasion.
Screw that, Deadpool just reappeared next to Knockout. Who's standing next to Domino. Time for a called shot to the face!
All right, so Hawkeye is calm again. Perfectly... All right, so not perfectly. But she's a lot calmer, even as Deadpool suddenly appears next to her. Heck, that doesn't startle her, or at least it doesn't as badly as the fact that she SHOT HIM IN THE HEAD.
*Cough*
But anyways... The fact that the arrow, the very same arrow that she fired just a short while ago, is sticking in the ground in front of her. And there's colored smoke grenades going off all over? yeah, the female archer starts to run after Wade finally.
"Get back here!"
Does anyone think that ever works? Ever?
Having a gun pointed at her gets absolutely no reaction from the Giddess what so ever. What Domino calls her, however, has Sif arching a brow. "I apologize but I do not have such interests in women, my lady."
Heaaring that he stole the diamond causes Sif's eyes to shoot towards Deadpool, following the path of the smoke bombs as they're tossed. The question from Domino causes Sif to nod. "I believe I can. While he may not die, I can certainly pin him with my blade."
She's pleased that the archer seems to have snapped out of it. "Fire a shot in front of him as best you can, archer!" This is called out as Sif takes off at a run. She is a warrior who is used to leading and being obeyed if the way she handles things is any indication.
Once more she has to attempt to guess Deadpool's destination and get there ahead of him. Hopefully it will have more success than last time. Especially since she's once more dealing with the tears from the smoke.
Should it work, the Goddess has every intention of doing just as she said she would and pinning Wade to floor or wall with her blade. Whichever is more convientant.
The smoke does bother Knockout's eyes but not so much that they cause her to be unable to see, her vision clear enough to make out when Wade saunters past right on the heels of Domino's answer. Holding up a finger, she begs the black-and-white lady's pardon while also asking for a second with one hand while the other shoots out to grab for the back of Deadpool's neck. He better hope she misses for, if she manages to grab hold, he will be manhandled and quite literally throttles as it's her every intention to shake him senseless. And, of course, if she is successful in doing that it'll most likely impede Kate's and Sif's own attempts to halt him, something she probably would apologize were she to realize they too are trying to get to him.
"glack. Urk. jebus lady, you've got like... shovel hands." Deadpool is indeed caught up, gurgling and coughing in Knockout's grasp. He struggles for a few seconds. "like... like a pissed off trucker named 'Earl'." He does something involving rotating his whole body weight and putting a mountain of pressure on her thumb joint in a sort of krav maga, caopeira move, busting himself free with a sinuous motion. He whips knives from sheathes and hurls them in various directions, mostly aimed at the women that are closing on him like a pack of wolves. "What you do not know ees... I am not left handed!" he crows, in a sort of... European accent? He throws his last flashbang at the ground, which turns out to be a handful of those little snap-popper things, and he bounds to a clearing. "I'm out!" he declares. "Peace and love, yo!" He throws up the deuces and hits the teleporter. Abruptly, he vanishes in a crackling blue blur, and leaves a scene of chaos and ruined hats behind.
"Figure of speech," Dom quickly says back to Sif. It seems like a good enough plan for being pulled out of thin air at the last possible second. She may be a bit out of her league compared to many of the others here but they somehow all seem to be on the same side! Sif's up to the challenge. Knockout is ..well, frankly, damn. Then Deadpool pulls out another trick and disappears with flashbangs in his wake. -Ow!- The only defense she has against those awful things is having been on the receiving end of them way too frequently, though it can only take the edge off of the effects. What's left is a lost possession, a failed job, and one very livid merc woman. The swearing, it is colorful and epic. "Gonna kill that guy when I catch him, -I'll find a way.-" Guns get put away then she looks back at Knockout, "Something you wanted to say?"
And of course Wade vanishes. With a bang (or flashbang so to speak).
And Hawkeye skids to a halt practically next to the others.
"Don't. It's probably not worth the effort." is said to Domino as the Deadpool wackiness effect wears off (how else do you explain all the characters that act a bit 'off' when they appear in his comics?) and Kate tries to be nice, calm, and serious.
"Definitely not worth it."
The pressure point takes quite a bit more to manipulate thanks to just how strong Kay is as well as how much pain she can shrug off but he manages it after some work and he's gone. Her hand is looked before the flashbang goes off, rendering her blind for a few seconds to go along with the strange sound in her ear. Not exactly used to that kind of weaponry, it startles her, making her think she somehow has gone deaf but her hearing returns just as quick as she had 'lost' it, getting her to sigh in relief. "What a jackass," she utters about DP while looking at Domino, Kate and Sif, not trusting herself to look in the direction that strange man went. She's already angry, after all. No sense in furthering her ire by staring at the empty space where the merc just was.
Okay..look on the bright side, girl. None of these other ladies are trying to take you in for possessing guns in the city. Domino pinches her eyes shut then rapidly blinks to get the spots out of her vision before focusing her attention on Hawkeye. "Probably not, but it would make me feel a heck of a lot better. You saw what the arrow didn't do." Hell. Losing a job that was supposed to be as simple as this one, plus knowing that it only happened because she tried to include Deadpool to begin with? Yeah, it's time to ditch town for a week or three. Back to Knockout, she adds "You have no idea. Feel free to vent some of your frustration on the guy next time you see him."
"Yeah. I saw." is said in a low tone to Domino. "And I might. But then again, if I did that I'd probably have to worry about collateral damage."
Then there's a glance at Kay, and finally Sif, who she actually lets her gaze drift on for a moment, as if she's considering saying something but decides against it.
"And I won't even ask the obvious question right now."
"I will talk with you later," Kay grumbles to Domino, sounding very certain that she will indeed run into her again. The others here are quickly given an up-nod from the red-head before she leaves, Kay causing people to scatter and skitter away as she pushes through towards the edge of the area.
"Probably for the best that you don't," Domino agrees with the archer. She needs to get out of here, and yet... Something's nagging the back of her mind. There's that carriage that Wade had made off with before, her eyes landing upon it for all of a half second before she briskly walks closer to get a look inside. If he left anything explosive behind it probably would have already set itself off by now, yet there's something tugging at her instincts...
Better still. With a wry smirk she uncovers the very emerald that she had been hired on to protect, left behind for whatever reason. "Still going to kick his butt when I see him," she says to no one in particular. Crisis averted, lucky her.
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