The Society

==A Headshot==
::
:: Four score and seven years ago, plus some more years, I was the first American president to have a beard.
:​: They carved my face in the side of a mountain!
:: I'm not a crook!
::
:: I steal from the rich, and give to the poor!
:​: No, no, no! That's all wrong!
:: Oh, come on, Mr. Small! This play needs more action. I mean, what do you think an audience would rather watch: a load of people going– or me going–"IT BELONGS IN A MUSEUM!"
::
:: That's my secret, I'm always angry! 
::
:: Shoryuken! Expecto patronum!
::
:: Gumball wins, fatality. And then, I kiss the girl. No? Aw, come on, this play stinks! I mean, Darwin doesn't even have a role.
::
:: Sure, I do. If I don't flip this switch, nobody will be able to see the play!
:: Dude, you know when people say "I could do that job with my little finger"? In your case, it's actually true.
:: But, I only have one finger...
:​​​​​​​​: Gumball, if you wanna be involved in the play, just audition properly like everyone else.
:: I'm a serious actor. I don't audition.
:​​​​​​​​: Fine. Just leave me your headshot, and go.
:: Oh, so you want a headshot? How's this for a headshot?
::
:​​​​​​​​: Ow. 
:: I am so sorry. I–I was aiming at the headshot, I–I didn't mean it–oh, w–w–wait. I know how to fix this. End… scene…
::
==Three Months' Detention==
::
:: You be more careful, next time.
::
:: Watterson...
::
:: You're in detention for the rest of the month.
:: What?! Banana Joe just got a slap on the wrist for what he did!
:: Banana Joe was running through the hall. You shot an arrow into a teacher's head.
:: Okay, you're making it sound bad. But, it was just an accident! Here, l–lemme show you.
::
:: So, let's say the desk was the stage, and I'm the coffee cup, and Mr. Small was the gross portrait of Miss Simian.
::
:: He was holding this bunch headshots which will be sticky notes here, and I had my bow and arrow like this elastic band and paperclip–-
::
:: Let's make it three months' detention!
==At the Schoolyard==
:: Dude, I swear. Sometimes, I think the whole world is against me.
::
:: I don't know. Sometimes it feels like maybe, its kinda because you're a little uh-–
:: Mistreated?
:: A little...
:: Cheated out of things I deserved?
:: Eh–-
:: Unjustifiably shunned?
:: I was kind of going more for a weeping sore of annoyance.
::
:: Hey! Back off! They're my chips!
::
:: Ugh. Dude, I think I just understood why things never go my way.
:: Finally.
:: There's a secret society at school.
:: I'm sorry. What?
:: Dude, think about it: I didn't get into the school play, but some people did; Joe got away with murder, when I got punished for almost nothing; and now, this! I thought for a second it might be my fault. But, the evidence is overwhelming! There is a secret society in this school, a corrupt circuit promoting inequality; a disgusting organization encouraging injustice and elitism–and I want in!
==At the Hallway==
::
:: Look around. They're everywhere.
:: What? Lockers?
:: No. Their secret signs. Signs you see on doors, doors you can never open... SEE?!
::
:: No!
:: Fair enough. Let's try secret handshakes first.
:: Secret handshake?
::
:: Principal Brown, I just wanted to say sorry. I hope we can come to a new understanding.
:: …M'kay.
::
:: No?
::
:: I… think I need to wash my hand.
:: Allow me to help.
::
==In the Library==
::
:: Dude, if there was a secret society, they wouldn't write a book about it.
:: We're not here to read, my naive friend. We're here to open the door to their secret lair.
:: Sure.
:: Or, is it?!
::
:: No, wait. That didn't come out right. Can you say something like: "there is no secret passage, detective Watterson. This is ridiculous!", and then I go "or, is it?"–
:: CAN YOU JUST– pull the book?
:: Or, is it?
::
:: Now, all I have to do is rotate this shelf.
::
:: Okay, this is probably the moment to not do whatever it is you were going to do next.
:: Or, is it?!
::
:: Hm.
::
:: Ah. It's gotta be here. Here!
::
:: A secret lever!
::
:: Oh. Here's the door I was looking for.
::
:: Aha! Oh, sorry.
==At the Hallway Again==
:: Maybe we just need to know the secret password to open the door.
:: That makes about as much sense as much as everything else you said today.
::
:: Rocky! He knows every inch of the school! He's got to be part of the society.
::
:: TELL US WHAT IT IS!
:: TELL YOU WHAT IS WHAT?!
:: THE SECRET PASSWORD!
:: Oh, sure, no need to shout. My ATM number is zero-three-eighty, my email password is "rockyroxxxx" with four "X"s, and my Elmore Plus is "unbreakable."
:: Right. What is it, though?
:: "Unbreakable."
:: I need the secret password. Here, here's twenty dollars.
:: Uh, I don't know what you're talking about here, but I can't be bought.
::
:: Nah, come on, Rocky. Just take it! Just take the mon–-
::
:: I'M NOT FOR SALE! THIS IS WHY I QUIT BANKING!
:: Gumball, you're beginning to seriously upset people.
:: You'll thank me when we're playing racquetball with the president.
==Blending with Tobias==
::
:: Dude, seriously? Come on.
:​​: I'm sorry, man. I just feel really slow and heavy.
:: He's gonna lead us straight to them.
:​​​​​​​​​: I'm losing my mind! I'm hearing voices, and I'm sweating like a pig!
:: Here. 
:​​​​​​​​​: Thanks. Wait! It was you all along?!
::
:: I think I know why things don't go your way. You never know when to quit.
:: You're right. I always give up too soon!
::
==Getting People Annoyed==
:: ...And made Juke come into the girl's bathroom to record our conversation!
:​​​​​​​: He tried to bug me with actual bugs!
::
:​​​​​​​: I wish I'd worn my underpot.
:
:: I heard he went through the Coach's pockets. She don't even have pockets!
::
:​​​​​​​: What is he doing?
:: He's checking for membership tattoos.
::
:: He thinks he's a failure because he's not a member of some secret society at school.
:: There's a secret society at school?!
:: If there was, at least he'd stop harassing everyone.
:: The only way to stop him is to give him what he wants.
:: What? No! Has that ever stopped anyone? You'll just fuel his madness!
:: Whatever it takes to stop that kid, we're doing it right now!
==The Secret Society==
::
:: Okay. An anonymous note from Banana Joe said "meet here after school".
:: 
::
:: Welcome to the super secret powerful big secret powerful society meeting initiation… time.
:: Super secret powerful big secret powerful society meeting initiation time.
::
:: Are you serious? Boxes on heads? Come on, Darwin. Let's get out of here.
:: Dude, this is your only chance!
:: Ugh, this is ridiculous! And no amount of sweet talking would change my mind.
:: But, if you don't get into the secret society too, I'll have to hang out with all these new bros.
::
:: All right, then!
:: Approach, underling.
::
:: Uh–good a–good after–evening, grand lord–warlock.
::
:: What was that about?
:: No idea.
:: So, you have found our secret society, which we keep secret… from society. To join us, you must face two tri–
:: Three trials.
:: Three trials. The first is the flogging of the novice. Bring out the ceremonial pillows! 
::
:: What kind of society presents a pillow on a pillow?
:: Yes, I beg you, grand vizier, I do not need special treatment. I would go all the way. I'll do anything, like drink bat's blood, dance with flaming swords, touch the gross metal part of the water fountain with my cheek. You know, hard core stuff.
:: Sorry, man. But, if he doesn't get what he wants, we'll have to suffer for the rest of the week.
:: You are not gonna beat him up!
:: Then I'll do it myself!
::
:: Still standing! Still standing. Stang standung… 
:​​​​​​​: Please, stop! You have proven yourself.
::
:​​​​​​​: What an amazing warrior spirit. How does he stay standing?
::
:​​​​​​​: Oh, well that makes more sense.
:: Your second trial will be the besmirching of the rival! You must mock our enemy, Richwood High, by roasting them!
:: No problem, grand llama! I'll follow your orders to the letter! 
:: You should have been more specific… should have been more specific… should have been more specific...
:: What? I meant "roasted", like make fun of them.
:: You should have been more specific!
::
:: Mission accomplished!
::
:: What has he done? What has he done?! 
::
:: What? I roasted their school mascot, like you said.
:: He said very hurtful things about my cheering skills, and he painted my costume to make it look roasted in a ruthless display of irony. 
::
:: Here we are for your final trial: the leap of faith! Jump, and you will join us.
::
:: Yes, grand kahuna.
:: Ah! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
:: What?
:: That's the wrong way.
:: No, it's not. Your voice is coming from right in front of me, so it's obvious I gotta jump backwards. 
:: Uh, wait!
:: Ugh, now what?
::
:: What are we doing on a vacated roof?!
:: I thought the wind would make it more authentic. It's perfectly safe, he's supposed to jump forward.
:: How is this safe?! Tell him the truth, right now!
:: Gumball... it's–it's all fake.
::
:: What do you mean?
:: They made it all up.
:: Banana Joe?! You were the grand master, all this time?
:: Dude, I clearly look like a banana wearing a sock. I'm sorry. We all pretended so you'd stop behaving like a nutburger.
::
:: I think I finally understand.
:: I know it hurt. But, it's probably for the best.
:: They double-bluffed me!
:: What?!
:: They pretended there was no secret society to cover up the real one.
:: Are you seriously telling me you learned nothing today?
:: Well, I did learn one thing: I learned that I don't need any stupid secret society… 'cause I got you, dude. 
::​: Oh you clod! ​​​​​​​
::
::
Category:The Amazing World of Gumball Transcripts