Big Twinkie

== BEGIN PROFILE: ==
SUBJECT: BIG TWINKIE is an object similar to the [PENDING] non-anomalous Hostess-branded snack cake, approximately 35 feet long and estimated at six-hundred pounds. Subject was found in 1980, off the coast of [REDACTED]. 
Subject also appears immune to degradation that current Twinkie snack cakes would suffer, and has been unaffected regarding erosion or composure by seawater over extended period of observation, despite all samples obtained being chemically identical to generalized mass-market Twinkie snack cakes produced during the period of its appearance. 
Subject appears to have regenerative properties when mass is taken from therein, though no samples larger than one meter by one meter have been currently obtained, due to fear of potential compromise of subject. Subject appears to also create an up to six hundred-thousand percentage spike in all known means of measuring metaphysical energy, a property proportionately retained in known samples.
Attempts to harness this energy have been unsuccessful, current attempts are ongoing. We are legally obligated to convey that this entry and Subject is not endorsed by the Hostess Snack Food company or any subsidiary thereof, nor do they have any legally-recognized connection to Subject.
We are also legally obligated to note that tourism is not allowed near Subject, as it is to be treated as a classified location. Departmental requests for approval of such for the sake of fundraising are pending.
== Author Commentary ==
This one is, very blatantly, based on a Ghostbusters reference. There's something funny about an object that doesn't do anything, but is still just kinda there and just inexplicable enough to be worth chronicling, at least in my view...
As with all my G.U.F.F. stuff, this is free to use as you see fit under a CC-BY 4.0 license so long as I; Thomas F. Johnson, am credited as their creator!
And, if you wanna support me, maybe check out my Patreon, or even just send a Ko-Fi my way! Every penny is appreciated, and I am eternally grateful for those who donate!
Or, if you wanna commission me for a pic like this, my commission info is thisaway!
Category:G.U.F.F. Entries