LLR Observer 4

Lads and ladies, this is Gabe Seltzer (BAYBAY) and this is this week's Observer Newsletter. This is probably the dullest week I've seen here and I think management should do something about it. But it's raining cats and dogs here. u/YourBuddyChurch is probably smoking weed and lying on the floor as we speak. On the subject of dogs, u/ecock5902’s pupper looks exactly like him. Stoned.
Sorry….bad one.
Err, where’s Cryan? Lets just say we just celebrated our very own festival of friendship.
THIS WEEK IN LLR
* u/Mr_FreakJuice just killed his momma for the love of a girl he had a one night stand with. Yes, this is not PG. I don't know how u/YourBuddyChurch is going to handle all the law suites sent his way by angry mummies who have kids who now want to be like the Freaky Juice. He should take lessons from Dince SipMahon who removed all toys of Al Snow and the Head.
* u/King-Of-Zing took her bestie u/IM_A_ONE_MAN_BANNED (who has been banned from Observer radio for no-showing his interview…) to Doctor Shelby to get his condition diagnosed. The doctor has been truncated by OMB… We discussed this behavior extensively with one Dr. Byesac Dankem of Jerry Lawler's toothache case fame, who informed us that OMB is in fact, suffering from an advanced stage of It'sallZing’sfaultivitis.
* u/shriramrishi is seemingly losing his powers.
* 15 people called out 15 other people. Dull affair.
* 15 people changed their themes. Dull affair.
* u/ThePruef’s BBQ returned inside u/the_gift_of_g2j’s grillaboratory. I did not get a guilded invite. He's also peacefully left Born Ready.
* On the subject of Born Ready, they performed a Vicious and not-so Delicious attack on Los Ingobernables de Reddit. Fight LIR Fight. Back.
* u/hydraloonie continues running his show on the graveyard slot. I have reports from his channel that the show’s ratings are extremely low and the sponsors want their money out of the project. You're always welcome to join army of assistants here at the Observer.
* u/EllieDai continues being overlooked even after cutting entertaining promos. Poor girl. Please support her campaign by tweeting #GiveEllieAChance.
* u/Tin_reader, u/GryffindorTom’s brother, debuted. He threatened Tom about revealing his 'history’ for the entire world to see, Black Widow with Shield style. My insider’s have found out about this history and it seems that Tom doesn't know how to use the incognito tab/private window even when he's searching for Harry/Hermione’s lemon (and stained) fanfics. Try Literotica, son.
* Poor GryffindorTom can't catch a break and he's been badly assaulted. I've got my money on the little brother.
* u/NintendoShill arrived in LLR. Can management actually do something about lewd marketers trying to harass their talent?
* WrestlerRick debuted. Shows some promise.
* The tag team known as the Last Line consisting of u/xXCraftySOBXx and his partner, u/nuclearbaseball debuted. Seen these lads at Pro Predicting Guerrilla. Strong addition for NXT.
* u/Mlgbonghits4 defended his Hardcore Championship successfully against u/god_of_havoc. Good showing by the young man, though.
INSIDER SCOOPS
* u/VacantForHOF, u/RyRyLloyd, u/senorMeekmahan are set to go on a hiatus after Summerslam. RyRyLloyd is hoping to ‘take a sabbatical’, write comics and try his hand at MMA. Meekmahan is annoyed at his lack of opportunities and has decided to live out the remainder of his contract before signing a mega deal with Global Force Prediction. His name will be changed to Mr.Deekmahan (...Deeeekmahan). As for Vacant, he just wants to rest and go out with his family.
* LIR are set to undergo a heel turn and will kick out u/FakeNewsBarrett. u/King-Of-Zing and/or IM_A_ONE_MAN_BANNED are set to join their ranks.
* u/shriramrishi is set to undergo a major gimmick change after intense deliberation with u/the_gift_of_g2j. Turbans and flying carpets have been seen being brought in for testing. The Great Khali was spotted talking to u/EllieDai. Rishi’s voice was heard outside his locker room shouting, “Thid is not my language".This is G2J’s master plan to tap into the Indian market.
* u/desuroku has indeed been spotted partying in the relevant Bahamas with his kidnapper ninjas. He's pulling a Penultimate Warrior on Church, demanding the same salary as that of u/TheFalconArrow.
Young Lions to look out for
* The Last Line
* u/Steve_Chandler_
* u/WrestlerRick
Category:Observer