PTS(COVI)D

"PTS(COVI)D" is the sixth episode of Season 3 of Life in Bikini Bottom, and the 35th overall.
==Characters==
TBA
==Synopsis==
Fatprick gets the coronavirus from Assy, which triggers a series of flashbacks from his childhood. SpongeCock spends his quarantine helping him find the root of his traumatic experiences which have made him the way he is today. Meanwhile, as a result of her most recent fallout, she starts questioning her sexuality.
==Plot==
The episode begins with a lead off from the last episode, where we see Fatprick trying to get to Assy’s treedome. It’s late at night, as Fatprick sneaks around a corner. “Hehe… that tiny shit won’t see me scurrying around here. He’s probably too busy giving sloppy seconds to his computer bitch,” he says, in a snarky tone. He approaches the front lawn of the treedome, and after scanning the place for any cops, he finds that the coast is clear. “SpongeCock will NEEEEVVVVVVVVEEEEERRR find out!” he says, as he knocks on Assy’s door. She comes up to greet him. “Hmm, violating quarantine, are you daddy?” She says, while giggling and hugging him. “Yes ma’am! Nothing can resist me from that Sheldon Bastard branded fine ass.” He says, as he comes inside. “Well,” she replies, “you’ve certainly been a naughty boy. I sentence you to one night in my prison.” Fatprick spits out his ice cream cake and then puts his hands together. They start kissing, before rocking back into Assy’s bedroom. “Oh, yes certainly,” Fatprick says over a zoomed out shot of Assy’s treedome, as both start making sex sounds while the camera pans over to SpongeCock’s pinyapple.
SpongeCock is on his bed, smoking a joint while he’s listening to music. We hear that he’s listening to “Cockstar Made” by Shitboi Tentacli. However, he gets hit with a noise that is clearly Assy and Fatprick from far away. Shook by the sound he looks out the window, but when he sees nothing, he goes back into bed. “Man this is just the usual stash,” he says. “Didn’t know I was that cooked.” 
Cuts back to the treedome, where Assy and Fatprick have just finished, and both of them are lying in bed. “Wow, Assy, I see why they call you that.” “They call me that because that’s what my parents named me,” she says, as Fatprick has a deadpan expression. “Well anyway,” he says switching the topic, “I better sneak back into the pinyapple before SpongeCock catches me. I already got an ass whooping from you, I don’t need seconds from my buddy.” Assy giggles as he gets out of bed. “See y- oh shit,” he says, as he instantly puts his hands on his ass. “Sorry Assy, I need to drop a fat one in your bathroom real quick,” he says, while bolting into the bathroom and slamming the door shut. Assy sighs in delight. “He’s so dreamy.” Assy’s phone then rings, to which she picks up. “Hello, the sluttiest squirrel here!”
“Ugh! Do you greet everyone on the phone like that?” Dr. Nick says. “Well, yeah, when you’re a sex worker that stuff kind of just comes naturally, like a reflex,” Assy explains. “Whatever. Anyway, Ms. Cheeks, I was just calling you to deliver the news on your COVID-19 test. Unfortunately…” Nick says, while lowering his voice “...you tested positive.” Assy is excited at first. “YAY! I passed!” Dr. Nick facepalms. “Even I learned this in the back of my drug dealer’s basement. That means you have COVID, Assy.” Assy drops the phone, hanging up in the process, as she pulls the cover over here. We quickly cut back to Dr. Nick on the other line, saying “man… that conversation made the little guy pucker up.”
Donald Trump: I’m going down to Bikini Bottom, gonna grab myself a pussy!
SpongeCock + Shitward: Fascism is everywhere, you don’t know what you got into!
Joe Biden: I’m going down to Bikini Bottom, gonna sniff myself some hair.
Fatprick: I was gonna take a shit, the government is tryna stop me!
Bernie Sanders: I’m going down to Bikini Bottom, let’s have Medicare for All!
Gory: Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow!
Mr. Kraps: They just took all of me money…
Sheldon Bastard: So come on down to Bikini Bottom, because you’ll be my slave here!
A “3 hours later” time card pops up, as we hear the sounds of the toilet flushing and Fatprick saying “Holy ice cream cakes, that was a mean one!” He then strolls out, spotting Assy distressed in her bed. “Huh? What’s wrong, babe? Was it the fumes?” Assy then starts to pucker up and sweat, trying to hold back the truth. “Uh, nothing. Just… just a bit cold.” She then tries to hold in a cough, but is unable to, further raising Fatprick’s suspicion. “Are you sure…” “Yes! Yes! If there was a problem I’d tell you!” Assy kind of snaps, but immediately apologizes for raising her voice. “Don’t worry. Anyway, gotta go back before I get turned into starfish stew.”
Fatprick starts to walk away outside, trying to keep it on the low. “Alright, I just can’t have SpongeCock find out.” We then see Leader Bastard cut back in front of him, riding on top of Polfgecks652. “Oh, I think you should be a lot more worried about me, not him,” he says, snarkily, as he starts to load up Polfgecks652. “Uh… hello, your majesty!,” Fatprick says, trying to be respectful. “May I offer you some-” “PREPARE FOR A NICE FRUIT FUCKING!” Polfgecks says mid sentence, while throwing a bunch of oversized strawberry peels, trying to trap Fatprick. Fatprick lets out a scream and tries to run away, but is too slow. Bastard loads up a gun and starts shooting at Fatprick, saying that “I warned you, now you get the big, girthy dick.” All of the shots, however, bounce off of Fatprick’s backfat, and only launch him forwards while the bullets reflect back towards Bastard. “Goddamnit, I should’ve thought about that,” Bastard says, while loading a bigger gun. He fires, launching Fatprick over towards the pinyapple, but still not hurting him. Bastard is shown in the background, throwing his gun to the ground. “Damn it, I can never get them! Oh well, time for some more CBT.”
Fatprick stands up in front of the pinyapple door, readjusting himself. “Okay Fatprick, you can do it. You can do it. You can do it. Just-” he cracks open the door, stepping inside, but is quickly greeted by a disappointed SpongeCock with a stern expression on his face. Fatprick starts to sweat as SpongeCock gives him a death stare. This stare literally freezes him, as he quickly goes back to normal form. “Uh, hi, SpongeCock!” he says, nervously. “Hi, Fatprick,” SpongeCock says. “Where did you head off to?” Fatprick quickly tries to think of an excuse, to which he starts buffering. “I was simply just going out for a jog, you know,” he says. “Fatprick, you’re fat as holy hell, am I supposed to believe that you’d randomly just go out for a run?” “Well… uh…” “Besides, I saw a trail of condoms last night, leading from the backdoor.” SpongeCock shows him the box of condoms, taken directly by Fatprick from Mr. Kraps’ collection. Fatprick’s cheeks start to turn into a blistering red, still trying to cover the fact. “Yeah, well, maybe I just…” SpongeCock gives one final “I don’t believe you” stare, before Fatprick finally crushes under pressure and lets out a sigh. “Okay, fine. I went over to Assy’s house.” “Mmmmmm hmmmm,” SpongeCock asserts as Fatprick bows his head in relief. Fatprick then continues to confess. “I simply couldn’t res-” but then he gets into a massive coughing fit, as well as a sneezing fit. He does this to the point where he’s on the ground choking. “If you can’t follow my rules, don’t start trying to buy me with tears. Jeez I really am sounding like an asshole aren’t I,” in a bit of self realization. “No SpongeCock, I swear, I didn’t mean to-” his eyes start to turn bloodshot red as he continues to malfunction. “How are you-” SpongeCock pauses his thought and then facepalms. “God, Fatprick, is this what I think it is? You got COVID from Assy, didn’t you?” 
Fatprick starts coughing up blood that isn’t on the screen. He lets out a tiny “maybe,” to which SpongeCock rats him out again. “Dude, I TOLD YOU not to go see her. She carries around all those STDs, it’s no wonder she could get the rona that easily.” Fatprick starts to be able to catch his breath again, and starts talking in shattered speech. “Can I… at least… stay here?” SpongeCock starts packing Fatprick’s bags during the answer. “No, absolutely not. You need to go to your rock like I suggested earlier. It’s bad enough that you have it, you have to self-isolate if you want to control the damage.” “Hey, Cock, since when did you start talking in this techno mumbo jumbo?” SpongeCock sulks. “That Bastard rubbed his… nevermind.” Fatprick heads out the door, with SpongeCock throwing his duffle bag out. “Until you’re all clear, Fatprick, I better not see you ANYWHERE near me,” he shouts out the window, before he starts making more weed patties. Fatprick is now seen on the side of the street, looking forlorn. “Jeez… well, on the bright side, I can now jerk my cock in peace!” He says, as he whips out his peter and gallops over to his rock.
				BACK AT ASSY’S TREEDOME
We see Assy, still in her bed, almost making a full recovery from the virus. She takes a sip of water as she glances at her phone. “Ahhh… the good ol’ times,” she says, while opening a folder of media titled “Fatprick.” She tilts her phone sideways as the camera cuts to the back of the phone, presumably meaning that it was a porn folder. She reaches down under her covers. “If no one can pleasure me, than I have to pleasure myself.” She starts fingering herself, although it’s under the covers and we can’t see it. However, this is interrupted by her coughing more, and her eventually losing interest. “Goddamnit, I can’t get it going at all with this virus in me. What else am I supposed to do?” She then scrolls down further in the folder, coming across a Pissing Pearl video she has saved. “Huh? How did that get in there?” Despite her confusion, she clicks on the video, and Pearl comes up on the phone, starting to piss all over the place. Assy then starts to moan, and her bed covers have a wet spot on them. This instantly terrifies her, as she rips off her sheets and throws her phone to the side.
“HUH?! THAT’S WHAT GETS ME OFF?!” She shrieks. “Wait a minute… this couldn’t possibly be…” Assy puts Pearl on a FaceTime, trying to explain the whole situation discreetly. “Alright, so you know how I had the virus, right?” “Right, yeah,” Pissing Pearl tries to understand. “So uh, I thought that was the reason I couldn’t get horny. Nothing worked, my trusty vibrators, my toothbrush, even my porn with Fatprick!” Assy says, still anxious. “Wait. You used your toothbrush down there?” “Nevermind that Pearl! I decided to switch up the type of porn I watch. Like, a lot different that usual. And suddenly, it does the trick for me. So on one hand I’m excited, because oh god I haven’t came in 2 weeks since I was in the womb, but I feel guilty that’s what got me off!” Pearl nods her head trying to make sense of it. “Mm hm. Yeah. Are you trying to tell me you jacked off to another girl? Because if so, then I think I know your problem.”
Assy’s cheeks turn red, as she dangles on a piece of loose fur. “Uh.. yes. And now I’m starting to question.” “Okay, first of all,” Pissing Pearl goes off, “Why this of all shows is trying to tackle an issue like sexuality is beyond me. I mean, this is written by a former sexual degenerate 15 year old, what makes him think he can turn this piss monkey hormone show into an actually heartwarming story line?” Assy can only answer the last part. “Well, they do this later in the episode too.. In fact, it starts in 3, 2, 1…”
			BACK AT FATPRICK’S ROCK
We see Fatprick sleeping in his bed, coughing a little bit every couple seconds. The camera zooms in, and eventually his nightmares are shown. We see Fatprick as a baby being born, in which he’s in a room where the nurse is smoking. “Oh look, another one.” she says. “You’re gonna grow up to be a failure,” she says, blowing a ring of smoke in the air. Baby Fatprick starts coughing in the nightmare, as he’s also coughing in real life. “Wh- what was that? It better be my yearly shipping of ice cream cake!” He then falls back asleep, as it cuts to a nightmare taking place at preschool. A smaller version of Fatprick is on the playground, and we see a smaller SpongeCock there as well. Both of them head over to the swings where they keep giggling. However, a shadow appears, and both of them are threatened. The camera shows that they’re being threatened by kindergarteners, all three of them looking menacing. “Uh oh,” SpongeCock says, as he jumps off the swings. “Well,” one of the bullies says, “looks like it’s just 3v1.” Before Fatprick can open his mouth, the three of them carry him off of the swing and drag him over to the corner of the schoolhouse. Fatprick screams “NOOOO!” As they all go in a location not revealed by the camera. He continues to shout as a bunch of squeaking sounds are heard, and SpongeCock is seen standing in front of the yard innocently. “Fatprick?” He says in a light tone, clearly as a young kid.
“AGH!” Fatprick shouts, as he jumps out of his bed and starts to panic, and because of the virus, he starts to wheeze as well. “Oh god… panic… attack… I always thought it would be a heart attack!” Fatprick starts to convulse, but then suddenly stop, to which he just simply bursts into tears, loud enough to which the sound waves carry over to SpongeCock’s pinyapple. 
SpongeCock opens the safe and his room, and takes a deep breath. “Some good ol’ therapy medicine will do before I go to sleep.” As he grabs a bong, though, he panics and drops it when he hears Fatprick. He then rushes over to the window, seeing that it’s clearly coming from Fatprick’s rock. “Oh my god! FATPRICK!” SpongeCock shoves a mask over his face and runs over to his rock, struggling to open it. After a few pulls, he bangs on it, trying to be loud enough over Fatprick’s crying. “Fatprick! It’s me, SpongeCock!” Back in the rock, Fatprick is still crying, even saying stuff like “When will it end” and “why me.” SpongeCock gives it another bang, to which Fatprick finally realizes who’s there. “Huh? SpongeCock! I thought you didn’t want to see me, huh?” “No, Fatprick, I care about you. Even if you run me down thousands of dollars for ice cream cake, even if I had to replace my toilet for the umpteenth time, even if you’re gonna put me in danger of getting COVID, I still want to help you. Now open up so we can fix this.” Fatprick stops crying and sighs, as he unlocks the rock. SpongeCock jumps in, and immediately asks him what’s wrong. 
“Well, ever since I realized Assy gave me this, it immediately made me think back to everything bad that happened to me. Remember preschool?” “Preschool?” SpongeCock thinks back on. “Uh, honestly, no, I don’t remember anything back then. Too focused on the future, getting the b-” “Can you not, please?” Fatprick asks. “Oh wow, I’m actually not sounding like a complete fucking idiot for once in the show.” SpongeCock nods, saying “alright sorry, go ahead.”
“Those kindergarteners… they did horrible things to me. Things that I find hilarious when it happens to other people, but that’s probably just from this,” Fatprick says. “They made me drink out of a hose, and let me tell you, it is NOT the same type of hose I drink out of when I need to wash down my ice cream cake.” SpongeCock has a shiver down his spine. “Well, do you mind if you tell me more? Maybe we can figure this out.” “Right,” Fatprick answers. “I remember middle school.”
This flashback shows Fatprick in 5th grade, sleeping while the teacher is asking a question. “So class, can you name me three types of lobster species? How about you, Fatprick?” “WAIT!” SpongeCock interrupts, in real time. “Wasn’t your name Fatrick back then?” “Silence, heathen, or else I’ll need to max out yet another credit card on ice cream cake. Say, some Only Fish would be great, too.” The flashback goes back as we see Fatprick drooling on his desk. “FATPRICK!” The teacher says. “I didn’t go to battle with Vietnamese cock to have my students give the shittiest effort possible!” “WAIT!” Fricky says, who has came to the rock with a mask on. “Vietnam? Small cock? Hey, she was my teacher too!” “Really?” Fatprick asks. “Did she still have those big tits?” “FATPRICK!” SpongeCock says, ordering him to cease the sexual degeneracy. “No,” Fricky says, “but she died when Matchy jacked his cock in front of the class.” We then see Dan, on his laptop writing this episode. “Geez, I just made a jacking off in class joke.... In 2021. Liz, if you’re reading this, I’m ashamed of me too. But anyway, back to the episode.”
Fatprick finally wakes up in his flashback. “Uh, let’s see, types of lobsters...the jacked up, really douchebaggy conservative ones?” “Okay, bud, if you want to joke around in my class, then that’ll be a detention today, after school.” The whole class laughs at him as he shivers in embarrassment. “Damn… can I go take a shit real quick though!” The teacher surprisingly nods. “Yes, dear.” We then see Fatprick heading into the boys bathroom, heading into a stall. “Well, it’s time for the fattest fucking-” As he opens the door and the same kindergarteners, now just as 5th graders who were held back, hit him with a gun full of ice cream cake. The kids laugh. “-fattest fucking ice cream cake load, that is!” They say, as he lays on the floor and starts sobbing, while swallowing some of the ice cream cake. “Mmm… I need to have some more of this.”
“Wait, so let me get this straight. That was the backstory of how you started sucking off ice cream cakes for breakfast, lunch, and dinner?” Fatprick giggles. “Well, there’s more of where that came from. One night, when I was jacking off real good, I found some of it under my shaft!” SpongeCock sighs, cutting off his story.
				BACK AT THE TREEDOME
We see Assy in her room, pacing the floor, still trying to understand her sexuality. “I just don’t get it. I’ve been with guys my entire life, and I- hey wait,” she suddenly realizes. “This actually… explains a lot. Before she can continue, a cloud of dust appears, and we see a monster looking squirrel thing come out of it. “So, you need help, do you?” Assy takes a glance at the creature. “Who exactly are you?” “Nothing, I’m only your… HORMONE MONSTRESS!” She sats, menacingly. “The name’s Rebecca.” Assy seems disgusted by it. “Ew, no, there will be no blatant Big Mouth parodies trying to inform me of my sexuality.” She claps the dust, causing it to disappear. 
“Those 30 year old bronies who make shitty cartoon reviews on YouBoob who oppose free healthcare are right, that show IS disgusting!” Assy calms herself down, thinking deeper. “Oh shit, that’s it! That understands why I can’t keep a relationship to save my life… Shitward, SpongeCock, Sully, Fatprick, it’s all coming clear to me now! I’ve been doubting myself for far too long, it’s time to now finger myself twice as much - once for boys, and once for girls!” She then thinks back to her photos with Fatprick, to which she sheds a tear. “Yeah. I need to do what’s right,” she says, while nodding.
				AT THE ROCK
SpongeCock starts talking, right as it cuts back. “So, out of all of your traumatic experiences, which one had the biggest impact on who you are, bud?” Fatprick lets out a sigh. “Gonna be honest, Cock. I’ve never told anyone about this. Well, except for my one prized possession shit. That one was one for the ages, probably weighed in at 100 tons. Yeah, nice and-” SpongeCock quickly interrupts. “Fatprick, I’m gonna let you tell your own story, but are you telling me the story of the shit that got away or why you can’t trust anybody?” “Oh, right,” Fatprick says with a deadpan expression. “Do you remember when I told you about the time I walked in on my parents… expressing their love for each other?” “Yeah, very much so,” SpongeCock says, as we quickly enter a flashback from the Season 1 episode “I’m a Rockstar, Smash My Clarinet”:
“Play a clarinet today! They only cost 100 pieces of shit!” the commercial says, with Shitward replying with “Umm...I’d rather not.” A few more commercials are shown, and Shitward becomes annoyed to the point where he wants to play it. Shitward picks one up, puts his tentacles around it, puts it to his mouth, and starts blowing on it. Fatrick hears this in the background. “Hmm, that’s the way my mom blew my dad’s dick!” SpongeCock questions this by asking if it’s true, and Fatrick replies. “Oh, yeah, totally. I accidentally walked into my parents’ room one day to ask if they could help on my homework, but damn, I was scarred for life!”
“I didn’t mean it lightly when I said it scarred me for life. It really did.” SpongeCock bursts into laughter. “This sounds way too funny to have actually been traumatizing, surely.” “Believe me, SpongeCock, that was no laughing matter. Because then this happened,” Fatprick says, segwaying back into a flashback.
Fatprick’s parents are in their room, looking at their son who just caught them. “Oh no. Oh no you don’t,” Fatprick’s dad says, grabbing a belt. “No way can you EVER tell anyone about this, you realize that?” “UH….” Fatprick replies, “But I just needed help on my…” Fatprick then gets slashed with the belt, as he has a long red mark on his face. “Dad, how could you?” Fatprick’s mom then gets up from bed too. “Honey, you can’t possibly expect him to understand what’s going on. He is only-” Fatprick’s dad then relinquishes his anger onto his mom, as Fatprick shrieks in terror and starts to cry. “You stupid, piece of shit whore,” his dad says. “You make me want to drink it all away.” He says, then grabbing a bottle of bourbon in his hand. He downs the whole bottle, and as he’s picking the belt back up, we see him convulse and then drop to the floor, with Fatprick gasping. “Daddy?”
Cuts back to present day, as SpongeCock is standing in shock. “Wait, so that sex joke wasn’t actually a sex joke? It was you describing your dad abusing you, and almost dying after it?” “Oh, no,” Fatprick clarifies, “it was still a sex joke, but it was a lot more serious than that.” Fatprick then starts to break down again. “Oh god, it’s all my fault…” he utters. SpongeCock rips his mask off in a “fuck it” sort of way, quickly embracing him. “That’s not your fault, Fatprick. You can’t control that.” “You’re right,” Fatprick says, still crying. “But I could’ve controlled the Sandy incident. SpongeCock moves back, trying to take sense of it. “Wh- what are you saying?” Fatprick sniffs up. “When I was little - which, never, I was always a fat bitch, but you get the point - my dad make a promise that he was gonna protect my mom and I, and wasn’t going to harm us. But soon enough, he broke it. Broke it, just like that. But even worse, he didn’t protect himself. How can I trust someone to protect me, if they can’t keep them self in check?” SpongeCock nods his head, taking in the message. “Damn, you’re… you’re actually right for once.” Fatprick continues to compare this to the Assy incident, saying “Same thing with Assy. I trusted her, when I shouldn’t have. Because she never had trust in herself. I learned my lesson, and I still messed up. Now that we broke up, what else am I supposed to do?” Right when he says this, coincidentally, he gets a call from Assy. 
“Huh? Assy? What is it?” We see Assy at her treedome, with her sweating and taking in a deep breath. “Fatprick, I owe you an apology. I… I shoudn’t have give you COVID. Believe me, I’ve done a lot of stupid decisions, especially in my sex life… but this one was one of the worse. Well, second worse, besides me giving that guy CrazySponge.” Fatprick acknowledges this. “It’s okay, Assy. And I’m sorry to put you in that position. Your life must be hell right now,” he says. “Actually, the only bad thing at this point was the guilt of me hurting you. I myself don’t have COVID anymore, and you’ve actually done me a big favor. You made me realize my sexuality!” 
Fatprick backs up for a second. “Wait hold up a second, what does that have to do with anything?” “Uh….” Assy tries to respond, “nevermind, just know that I have no hard feelings.” Fatprick responds with “well, I have hard feelings, if you know what I me-” she hangs up mid sentence, leading to Fatprick and SpongeCock both laughing. “Ah, classic Fatprick. Never change, my man, never change,” he says, as the episode ends.
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