Andy Zaltzman- Normandy Landings

It was 1944, and Clark Grabel was working for the Inland Revenue during the war. He was quite good at his job, working as a freelance Robin Hood. He had just wrapped up a series of daring missions to steal from the rich to give to the state..” Gabel responded and decided he might as well go.
He snuck into Buckingham palace to cover an unpaid corporation tax bill alright In so doing he bumped into Princess Elizabeth playing cops and robbers with a descendant of the last czar. She asked the young Gabel “Crop or Robber?” he said “Robber” and they clicked. Gabel asked her out on a secret date, a romantic walk on the beaches of Normandy. They thought it would be fun so they chose, June 6th.
When they arrived they began to walk and talk. They were having a wonderful time. Suddenly their romantic stroll was rudely interrupted by the D-Day landings.
“Do you want to call this off,” said the superstitious Gabel who was allergic to bullets.
“What was that?” Elizabeth called back while repeatedly punching a German machine gunner. Gabel gobsmacked, so to was the German gunner, literally.
“ Hello Clark Grabel can I get your autograph”
“Sure, who should I make it out to?” That was a mistake.
“Sebastian please, and how the undercover is work going.” The soon to be queen wheeled around, and shouted.
“What!”
“Sebastian is an old friend of mine just playing a prank.”
“Don’t try that, stuff on me big dog.” She grabbed Grabel and put him in a headlock. The future Queen spun the discombobulated film star on her hand like a basketball, and slam dunked him into an oncoming tank.
“I’m sorry,” he said groggily
“You’re not my type of girl.”
“You got one thing right.” Said the princess
“I am out of here. See ya wouldn’t wanna be ya.” The princess moon walked down the beach and tried to catch a lift back to Britain.
“Can I get your number!” shouted Gabel out of habit.
Then she was gone.
Fuck you Chris