Eggplanted/Transcript

(The episode begins in the Candle House with Candle Man waking up earlier than usual. He feels strangely hungry, and goes downstairs to the fridge to see that he has run out of eggplants)
Candle Man: (Animal Crossing-like shock) No! No! It can’t be! NOOOOO!
(Candle Man’s yelling wakes everyone up)
Shaduck: (tiredly) Candle Man! What’s the big idea..
Candle Man: My eggplants! They’re…. Gone!
Limefong: No duh, we had that big movie marathon and we all ate our favourite snacks. You ate all of the eggplants!
Candle Man: But… I didn’t think I ate this many eggplants yesterday!
Mystic: Well, you did, and you’re just gonna have to deal with it or go buy some more at the supermarket.
Candle Man: Of course I’m gonna buy some! In fact, right now!
(Candle Man grabs his wallet runs out of the house at the speed of light until he bumps into Baghead.)
Baghead: OW! WHAT TH-Oh, hey, Bot! By the way, I got something better than buying eggplants!
Candle Man: Pff, there’s nothing better than buying eggplants, apart from eating them! Besides, how did you know I was going to buy some?
Baghead: Oh, just some Jedi-instincts. (Pulls out a packet of eggplant seeds)
Candle Man: What are those?
Baghead: Eggplant seeds! With these, instead of wasting money on buying them, you can just grow them!
Candle Man: (takes the eggplant seeds) THANK YOU! (Runs back to the Candle House at the speed of light)
Baghead: Well, that was quick…
(Scene cuts to the Candle House where Candle Man is filling up a watering can)
Shaduck: Wouldn’t you rather use a cup? You must be real thirsty!
Candle Man: Oh, this isn’t for drinking, this is for my eggplant seeds! (Pulls the packet out)
Mystic: Where’d you get them?
Candle Man: Baghead gave me some so I don’t have to spend money.
Limefong: That’s kind of him. Let’s plant some eggplants! ...If only you could plant pizzas.
Shaduck: Or fish soup.
Mystic: Or grilled cheese sandwiches.
Candle Man: Anyways, let’s get to planting those seeds!
(Cue theme song. Afterwards, Candle Man starts digging the ground up to make room for the seeds, when he stops, he wipes away the sweat on his forehead)
Candle Man: Woo.
Shaduck: You’re really going for this!
Candle Man: Yep! There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for eggplants! These are gonna be delicious!
(Candle Man puts the seeds in the hole, covers it up with earth and then starts to water them)
Candle Man: I can already taste them! (mouths starts to water)
(A few hours later)
Candle Man: These eggplants are taking ages to grow!
Limefong: Well, obviously, it takes a few months for them to fully grow!
Candle Man: WHAT!? Months!?
Limefong: Yeah!
Candle Man: Why did no one tell me this?!
Limefong: Because we thought you knew. Plus, it said it on the packet.
(Candle Man looks at the packet to which it reads “Yeah, you’re gonna have to wait a while for them to grow, bud”)
Candle Man: Ugh, but I can’t wait for them to be in a few months! I want them NOW!
Mystic: Come one, Candle Man. You can’t always get everything you want.
Candle Man: Now, NOW, NOW! This was a waste of time, I could’ve just gone to the store a few hours ago. Instead, I waited here doing nothing. I’m going to the store.
Limefong: Uh, the shops are all closed. It’s Sunday.
Candle Man: GRR! Darn it! I forgot they’re closed on Sundays! That’s it, I’m giving all of these seeds back to Baghead!
Shaduck: Are you gonna pull them out of the ground or something?! Now that would be really wasteful!
Candle Man: Who cares if I’m wasteful? It’s clear that these things just hate me or something!
(Suddenly, the ground begins to shake)
Candle Man: (Confused by the shaking) What is going on?!
(The ground where the seeds were planted begins to crack as it continues shaking)
Candle Man: (excited) Wait, are my eggplants coming?
(A huge, green vine bursts out of the ground)
Candle Man: That’s not an eggplant...but I bet there are some at the top! Come on guys!
Limefong: But wait, what if it’s like Jake and the Tomato Bush? It could lead to a giant!
Candle Man: Shush, Limefong. I have no intentions of meeting a giant.
Shaduck: I- Okay…
Mystic: But you’re on your own...
Candle Man: Very well, at least I can get there much quicker! (To Shaduck) Hold these for me, buddy. (He gives Shaduck the packet as he then climbs the vine at the speed of light as he reaches Eggplant Island) Yaya- woah! (He zips up farther than the island and falls on the ground.) Oof...What is this place?
Eggder: Why, hello there, Candle Man!
Candle Man: How do you know my name?
Eggder: You like eating eggplants!
Candle Man: Who doesn’t?
Eggder: No, you really like eating eggplants, as in, like-like doing that! (brings out a chalkboard, Candle Man at the top of it with a tally of the amount of times Candle Man has eaten eggplants)
Candle Man: Hold up… who are you?
Eggder: I’m Eggderus Planamini III. But you can call me Eggder. I’m the founder of this great island!
Candle Man: Uhh, okay, Eggder…
Eggder: Would you like to look around?
Candle Man: I thought you’d imprison me for eating your friends and family...
Eggder: Oh, no. Those guys aren’t sentient. If you ate a living eggplant, then we’d have a problem.
Candle Man: Oh, good. (Looks around to see gardens of eggplants) YUMMIE!
(Candle Man rushes towards a greenhouse until Eggder stops him)
Candle Man: Hey! I want some delicious plant of eggs!
Eggder: Those are my children waiting to sprout!
Candle Man: Wait, what?
Eggder: We living eggplants reproduce the same as our non-living cousins!
Candle Man: Well, that’s confusing. Could you lead me to the edible eggplants? I’m hungry and I need food, NOW!
Eggder: But wouldn’t you like to have a look around?
Candle Man: Are there free eggplants for tourists?
Eggder: Well, yes, but-
(Candle Man blows past him looking for eggplants.)
Candle Man: WHERE ARE THEY?!
Eggder: Slow down, young man. I’ll take you to them in time.
Candle Man: BUT I NEED EGGPLANTS NOW!!!!
Eggder: Be patient, Candle Man. You’ll get there as soon as possible!
Candle Man: LIKE I SAID, I NEED EGGPLA-oh wait, we’ll be there very soon? Cool!
Eggder: First, I want to give you a tour of this fine establishment.
Candle Man: Bring the tour on!
(Eggder wraps an arm around Candle Man’s shoulder and walks him across the giant cloud in the sky.)
Eggder: Like you saw, I am growing my children in those sets of greenhouses. My eggplant workers are currently making homes for my children.
Candle Man: Nice...one question.
Eggder: Of course!
Candle Man: Is soon now?
Eggder: Oh, no no, not yet, I still have much more to show you!
Candle Man: Oh, I see. Carry on.
Eggder: If you look to your left, you’ll see a castle. That is where me and my wife live.
Candle Man: Hey, that reminds me of the great castle in Wikia! That’s where the King and Queen reside.
Eggder: Wikia?
Candle Man: My homet- My… new hometown.
Eggder: Well, you’re welcome to live here, if you wish. We grow edible eggplants in the growery store.
Candle Man: OMG! Where!? Wait...living here? Uh, I dunno. On one half, free eggplants for life...on the other hand I’d miss my Mystical, and Ducc and Lime and-
Eggder: Then simply bring them here as well! A friend of yours is an enem- friend of ours!
Candle Man: Well, I’m still wondering why you are so nice to me.
Eggder: You see, (he pulls down a diagram with a lot of eggplant drawings.) there are so many eggplants in the tri-galaxy area that they have overpopulated those places. That’s where we were supposed to live, hence our residence in the clouds. But thanks to you, we can begin bringing our children there!
Candle Man: Then why are you living here?
Eggder: Moving is a slow and difficult process.
Candle Man: How did you get up here, anyhow?
Eggder: Ha! We were born up here, young candle! The only reason you got up here was because of those seeds!
Candle Man: How did you know about the seeds?
Eggder: That little bagheaded friend resolved a diplomatic issue up here yesterday. I gave him those seeds as a token of my gratitude!
Candle Man: Okay then.
Eggder: Anyway, back to the tour…
Candle Man: Yes, and the grocery store? Where can I find it?
Eggder: It is called the growery store, because we only have produce here. And yes, we will get to that shortly.
Candle Man: Ugh, fine. What’s next?
(Scenes cuts to inside the castle. Eggder and Candle Man are now with a female eggplant.)
Eggder: This is my wife, Egga, who oversees most of the construction of the homes.
(A ladder drops from offscreen. Egga and Eggder climb up, and Candle Man hesitantly follows. They are now up on a top floor, up high and able to look out at the construction workers, who are making homes that look like eggplants.)
Construction Team: (notice Candle Man and the others) HELLO, OUR LOVELY RULERS!
Candle Man: Why do they talk like that?
Eggder: They are just grateful we made this place and saved them from the eggplant giant.
Candle Man: Eggplant Giant?
Eggder: A monster that ate most of our kind and always kept us hiding in the shadows. It never rots, and never dies.
Egga: Anyways, Candle Man, I bet you are famished from the journey here to the castle!
Candle Man: I mean, I am famished but-
Egga: Why don’t I take you to the growery? After all, you are an ene-FRIEND of ours.
Candle Man: Uh, of course...
Eggder: I’ll stay here and oversee the construction. Goodbye, Candle Man.
Candle Man: Goodbye, Eggder.
(Candle Man and Egga walk outside the castle and towards the Growery Store)
Candle Man: Hey, Egga… Can I say something…about your husband?
Egga: My husband? Of course, but...what is it?
Candle Man: No offense but he seems a little.. odd.
Egga: Oh, that. No worries, my dear, he gets very excited when a new person joins the Eggplant Island community, especially a potential king…
Candle Man: What?
Egga: Well, we’ve been waiting for you, Candle Man. We’ve been watching you ever since you took the first bite out of an eggplant.
Candle Man: You mean… you mean back when I met Shaduck?
Egga: Yep, and ever since then we’ve watched all of the events of your life play out.
Candle Man: Uh…
Egga: The Spammer attacks, everything that happens!
(Candle Man backs away from Egga)
Candle Man: You.. you’ve been spying on me?
Egga: No matter, Candle Man. What matters is that you are going to be our new king!
Candle Man: I’m not sure I really want to…
Egga: Oh, you will want to.
(Egga throws an eggplant into Candle Man’s throat, which hypnotizes him.)
Candle Man: (monotone) Yes, my faithful citizen...
(Scene changes back down to the other Candle Friends. They have been laying against the giant vine.)
Shaduck: UGH! WHEN IS HE GONNA GET BACK?!
Mystic: Dunno, he loves his adventures…
Limefong: And who knows? Maybe there are eggplants up there.
Shaduck: Good point…
(Suddenly, Baghead bursts into the house and runs out into the backyard)
Baghead: GUYS, WHERE’S CANDLE MAN!? I JUST LEARNT THOSE EGGPLANT SEEDS I GAVE HIM WERE A HUGE MISTAK- (sees the vine from the ground) HOLY-
Mystic: What’s wrong?
Baghead: Well, I went on a diplomatic mission up there yesterday, and the citizens gave me those seeds in gratitude.
Limefong: That seems right.
Baghead: But I meant to give Bot regular seeds instead of the ones I was given. I was gonna bring the other ones before the King and Queen to analyze. When I gave them the regular seeds, I realized I gave the wrong ones to Bot, so I explained what seeds I was supposed to give to them, and they told me that Bot is in grave danger!
Mystic: What’s going to happen to Candle Man?
Baghead: Well, they might wanna make him stay up there… forever.
Shaduck: Forever?! Why?
Baghead: He’s their god or something. A bunch of mumbo-jumbo if you ask me. But what I do know is that they make hypnotic eggplants that can make Bot do whatever they want! He could rule up there for the rest of eternity!
Limefong: We have to get him back!
Baghead: No. It’s too risky going up there with your mouths wide open. You’ll need these. (He holds up another small bag)
Mystic: What, more seeds?
Baghead: These, you have to put in your mouth. Don’t swallow.
Shaduck: Riiiiiiiiiight.
(The three of them take a seed and put it in their mouths. Something happens: A giant green plant grows inside their mouth and stuffs them, making nothing go in or come out of their mouths.)
Mystic: UMPPHH MPH MPHHHH!
Baghead: What? It’s the only way to not get hypnotized. All you have to do to get them out is spray them with water, and you should do that after you find Bot.
Limefong: MPH MPH MPH?
Baghead: You’re probably wondering how to dehypnotize him. Beats me. I’d say the same way he dehypnotized all of us from UCP.
Shaduck: Umph?
Baghead: How? Maybe deflect some of his fire attacks?
Limefong: Mmmmph!
Baghead: Oh, and you can use this.
(He holds out a small device.)
Baghead: This can translate.
Shaduck: MPH MPH MPH MPH?
Translator: Translate? Are the Eggplant people like speaking in Eggplantese? Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack. (Subtitles: Since when do sentient eggplants have their own language?)
Baghead: They don’t, the translator is only so you can speak with those things in your mouths.
Limefong: MPH MPH MPH MPH, MM MM MPH!
Translator: Let’s go save our friend and show them who's boss!
Baghead: YEAH!
Mystic and Shaduck: MPH!
Translator: YEAH!
Baghead: This is going to get annoying…
(The scene cuts to Candle Man, now in the castle, sitting on a throne with a robe on and a crown on his head, all made of eggplants)
Eggder: I see you’ve done it, honey!
Egga: You got that right, my sweet, our new king! All hail Candle Man!
Candle Man: That’s right, hail me and praise me, and gift me with your delicious plant of eggs!
(Baghead, Mystic, Shaduck and Limefong burst into the room, fighting security who were guarding off-screen)
Mystic: MPH MPH MPH MPH MPH MPH MPH!
Translator: Give us back my boyfriend, NOW!
Candle Man: Who are you?
Mystic: MPH? MPH? MPH? MPH MPH!
Translator: Who am I? Who am I? What are you even saying? I’m the love of your life!
Shaduck: Mph mph!
Translator: Candle Man, come on!
Candle Man: I will not go with some unintelligible scum. Guards!
Guards: (groan as they have been defeated by the rest)
Candle Man: What do I pay you for? Ugh, fine, I’ll just do it myself. (Pulls out an eggplant staff) YOU WILL LEAVE!
(Eggplants come out of the staff, bombarding the team.)
Limefong: MMMMMMMMMMM!
Translator: OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!
Candle Man: Actually, I have a better idea. (Candle Man claps his hands as chains form around the heroes’ hands)
Shaduck: MPH MPH MPH MPH?
Baghead and Translator: What is this?
Candle Man: Why, only your gear for working as a PEASANT!
Mystic: But Candle Man, we’re friends!
Candle Man: Take the scum away.
(The Guards wake up and tiredly drag them away. Scene changes to nightfall, where the four are working on the eggplant houses.)
Mystic: Ugh, I’d rather be ruling the Galaxia Omega galaxy.
Shaduck: You left that life behind and left Judy and Ribbon in charge!
Mystic: WELL, I CAN STILL GO BACK!
Baghead: Uhh, guys?
Shaduck, Mystic, and Limefong: What?
Baghead: What happened to the plant thingies in your mouth?
Mystic: Those jerks made us shower.
Limefong: And destroyed that translator.
Baghead: I PAID 50 BUCKS FOR THAT TRANSLATOR!
Mystic: Well, too bad. If that’s your biggest problem right now, I envy you.
Limefong: Guys, we shouldn’t be fighting right now.
Baghead: He’s right. We can’t be mad at each other. We have to work together to get out of here.
Shaduck: Hard to do that when we have no way to get out of the chains.
(A giant chain is shown wrapped around one of their legs each.)
Mystic: And ALL BECAUSE of those stupid seeds!
(A lightbulb is shown over Limefong’s head)
Limefong: I have an idea! Shaduck, do you still have those seeds?
Shaduck: Yeah, why?
Limefong: Give me them!
Shaduck: Okay, okay, geez… (He hands Limefong the packet)
Limefong: Baghead, let me see your water bottle!
Baghead: ...I think I know what you’re getting at.
(He tosses Limefong the bottle of water, which Limefong snags and puts on the ground. Limefong buries one seed under his part of the chain and pours water on it, repeating it for everyone’s part of the chain.)
Mystic: And now?
Limefong: Wait for it…
(Vines burst out of the ground, snapping each person’s part of the chain one at a time.)
Shaduck: Oh, I see now!
Limefong: Let’s go!
Someone Offscreen: Hey, get back here!
(Two guards run towards the heroes. Baghead grabs his water bottle and reaches in his pocket for the other packet of seeds. He shakes a few into his hand and pours water on them. He throws them at the guards. The seeds inflate and knock the guards unconscious as the four run away. Scene changes to the lookout turret in the tower, where Eggder, Egga, and Candle Man watch the scene unfold.)
Eggder: They’re getting away!
Egga: Candle Man, go get them!
Candle Man: Roger!
(Scene cuts to the throne room, which the quartet burst into. Candle Man is already there.)
Shaduck: Candle Man!
Candle Man: You again! (He whips out his staff, but Shaduck blasts out of his hands) Hey!
(Limefong uses his telekinesis to break it in half)
Candle Man: Curse you! Fall into place or suffer the consequences!
Mystic: No, we’re not gonna get controlled like you!
Candle Man: It’s treason, then.
(He puts his arm out to the side of him, and a new staff, reinforced so there is no way to break it, falls into his hand. He presses a button on the side, making it light up purple. He jumps very high and lands in front of the quartet. He hits Limefong in the face with the staff, followed by Shaduck, who gets hit in the gut. Baghead uses the Force to grab his taken lightsaber off a nearby table, and uses it to parry a strike that would have hit Mystic’s forehead. She stands there shocked.)
Mystic: He could have killed me. He could have...killed…me. He...would have… killed me. AHHHHHHHHHH!
(She lunges at the controlled man as Shaduck and Limefong get up and line themselves with Baghead. Mystic tackles Candle Man and kicks the staff from his hands. She begins smacking him in the face over and over.)
Candle Man: GET OFF OF ME!
Mystic: No, you have become nothing more than a maniac! This isn’t the real you! My Candle Man wouldn’t almost KILL ME!
(Eggder and Egga burst into the throne room)
Egga: Let go of Candle Man!
(Eggder and Egga run towards Candle Man but they get tripped up by Limefong’s slime which sticks to their feet, when they attempt to get up, Limefong, Shaduck and Baghead surround them, intimidating them: Limefong generates electricity, Shaduck bounces a laser beam on his his hand like a ball and Baghead points his lightsaber to their heads)
Eggder: All right, you asked for this!
(Eggder pulls out a trap door button, he presses it and they all fall down)
Candle Man: Now stay there, peasants and-
(Eggder pushes Candle Man into the trapdoor room.)
Candle Man: Ow! Hey, do not treat your leader that way!
Eggder: (knocks Candle Man’s crown off and rips his cape off) You’ve done your part. (monstrous voice) Now it’s our turn.
(Eggder and Egga begin to transform into their true form, eggplant monsters. They roar at the five, who have climbed out of the trapdoor room and stand before the eggplant monsters.)
Candle Man: As your leader, I command you to eat them, and not me!
Eggder: You are not our leader anymore. You will die with your “friends.”
Candle Man: No, I won’t! (He starts blasting fire at them.)
Shaduck: There! Dehypnotize him!
(Baghead jumps in front of Candle Man and deflects the fire back at him, dehypnotizing him.)
Candle Man: Wha...what happened?
Limefong: Doesn’t matter. WE’RE ABOUT TO GET EATEN!
Candle Man: Eaten… THAT’S IT!
(He runs off.)
Mystic: Candle Man, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!
Candle Man: Trust me!
(He’s gone. The eggplant monsters roar.)
Limefong: Not the best way to go, but at least we go out together.
Mystic: That’s selfish.
Limefong: That’s not what I mean.
Shaduck: Then reword your phrases!
Baghead: Uh, guys?...
Mystic, Shaduck, and Limefong: WHAT?!
(Baghead points at Candle Man, who bursts through the wall of the castle on the back of the one and only Eggplant Giant.)
Eggder and Egga: NOOOOOOOOO!
Candle Man: YAYAYAYAYAYAHAHA!!!
(The Eggplant Giant takes Eggder and Egga into his hands.)
Eggder: But wait! I made the Eggplant Giant up to gain your trust!
Candle Man: Never underestimate the limits of a living eggplant island in the sky!
Shaduck: He’s got a point.
(The Eggplant Giant eats the two villains one by one as they scream. Finally, all is quiet.)
Baghead: The evil has been thwarted!
Mystic: Hooray!
Limefong: But what do we do with this place?
(Scene fades to the place where Candle Man and the rest used to enter Eggplant Island. The Eggplant Giant is there.)
Candle Man: Eggplant Giant, I trust you to rule this place with the good and friendliness it deserves.
Eggplant Giant: (Roars in response)
Candle Man: Goodbye, Mr. Giant.
(One by one, they all slide down the vine.)
Limefong: So, unlike Jack and the Tomato Bush, the Giant was the good guy! Who’d have thunk it?
Mystic: Yeah, I-
(They all notice how Candle Man is sad.)
Shaduck: You all right, Candle Man?
Candle Man: I never got my eggplants, after all of this.
Baghead: That’s where you’re wrong. Look up.
(Candle Man, confused, looks up. He notices with sheer delight that eggplants are raining into the backyard. He screams with happiness.)
Candle Man: OMIGOD OMIGOD OMIGOD! THIS IS EGGPLANT HEAVEN!
Baghead: Well, the Giant owed you a favor. He’s a good guy, you know.
(Candle Man starts devouring eggplants. The eggplant rain stops, but hundreds of eggplants cover the backyard.)
Mystic: These’ll be gone within the hour, won’t they?
Everyone: Yeah...
Shaduck: Hey. Baghead, do you have any fish soup seeds?
Everyone: ...NO!
Shaduck: Just checking, just checking.
(Zooms out on the backyard as Candle Man resumes devouring eggplants. Episode ends.)
Category:Transcripts