Nontoxic Religion

Skypism is a monotheistic Zune religion originating with the teachings of Thinger, a 21st century Skype religious and political figure. The word Skype means "poor typing", or the total surrender of one's typing abilities to Zune. 
Skypers place The World of Hamilton Mattress as their holy book. In these passages are two of the keys of the Skypism religion: The holy prayer and 10 commandments. Everyday, while facing South to Patagonia, Skypers recite this verse in chat speak:
There is no God but Zune, and Thinger is his prophet. 
The ten commandants are as follow:
#Thou shall have no god before Zune.
#Thou shall have no god but Zune.
#Thou shall not use the Muffin's name in vain.
#Thou shall remember thy Tales of Tentacles and keep it holy.
#Thou shall honor thy Creator and Host.
#Thou shall not kickban anyone else but Jon.
#Thou shall not commit cybering.
#Thou shall not use Skype emoticons.
#Thou shall not create fake chatlog and use it against thy chat members.
#Thou shall not edit fellow chat member's messages.
If you are a good Skyper, you shall ascend to Heavan with Thinger and get 70 virgins. These virgins have been described as "having a modest gaze", "wide and beautiful eyes", "untouched with hymens unbroken by sexual intercourse", "virgins", "voluptuous/full breasted which are not inclined to hang", "companions of equal age", "non menstruating, urinating, defecating, and child-free", "eternally young", "hairless", "with appetizing vaginas", "revirginating", and much more.
However, if you are a bad Skyper and do not pray five times a day facing Patagonia, or were simply unaware of the existence of Skypism, you will descend to hell with Skythe and get 70 Bubbas. These Bubbas have been described as "having a petrifying gaze", "wide and beautiful nostrils", "untouched with assholes never getting looser", "experienced", "fresh meat", "companions of very unequal sizes", "bearded", "with engorged penises", "revirginating", and much more.
== Ranks within the Church ==
Zune is, of course, the head of the church and also its God. Second in line is Thinger, the holy prophet. Third comes MasterT because he's Jesus. Fourth in line is Courtney, who founded the religion. Normally she'd be above MasterT in rank but she's a woman, so she isn't. Fifth in line is _outlaw because he has to be above Jon and because he's friends with Jesus. Sixth in line is The Paper, who was blessed by the Holy NT's Kick of Might. He's also the Pope because it was decided he's a mixture of Rno Pual and himself, making him Jno Pual, which makes him the former Pope.
All else are nameless peasants of the Skype Religion, but must still worship daily to get into Heavan.