Pinkie PiePants: EQG Edition: Sailor Mouth

Months after the “Gaea Everfree Incident”, the students have long since returned back to their studies at Canterlot High and midterm exams were on the horizon. To take their minds off the stresses of studying, one day, the students all flocked to Sugarcube Corner for a bite to eat and a complimentary concert courtesy of the Rainbooms. As the band rocked away into the night, the shop soon reached closing time.
 
Sunset Shimmer had let out a heavy sigh. “Well, it's that time of the day again. *flips sign* Closing time….”
“Whew!” exclaimed Pinkie Pie as she wiped her brow. “That was some concert, huh?”
“I'll say!”
“Man, I'm beat! Well, see ya tomorrow, Sunny!”
“Hold on there, Pinks, take that pile of filth with you on the way out!”
 
Rarity, dressed in hazmat suit, presented a trash bag so dirty and foul-smelling that flies were already circling around it.
 
Pinkie gasped heavily. “Sunset! You shouldn't be talking about Rarity like that! We're all friends here!”
“Huh?! W-why, I’d never….! She means this filth, you loon!” scolded Rarity.
“Oh…. heh heh! I knew that!”
 
Pinkie exited the restaurant out the back and promptly threw the trash bag in the dumpster. But before she could leave, something of interest caught her eye.
 
“Takin' out the trash, takin' out the trash! Huh? What's this? Hmm…. *gasp* dumpster writing! The voice of the people! Alright, let's see what we got here. “CHS Rules! Crystal Prep Drools!” Hahaha! Oh, those were the days! “Animals are just like us, too!” Hah! Oh, that could only be Fluttershy! Hey, here's one somebody didn't finish! “Rarity Smells…. Good!”” She added by writing on the muck under the sentence with her finger. “Hahahaha! Oh, hey, what's this? “Sunset Shimmer is a…..” Huh? “Sunset Shimmer is a….. [censored].””
 
Unbeknownst to Pinkie however, a garbage man had overheard the whole thing and proceeded to scold her.
 
“Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?!”
Confused, Pinkie replied “Well, sometimes but not…. recently. Huh, wonder what's biting him?”
 
“Hi, garbage man! Hi, Pinkie!” greeted Sonata Dusk as she walked up to the dumpster.
“Hi, Sonata! Hey, Sonata, do you know what this word means?”
 
Sonata closely leaned in towards the dumpster and squinted her eyes.
 
“Hmm…. Suuuuuunset Shiiiiiiiiimer….. Uh, isn’t she that bacon-haired chick ya hang out with?”
“No not that word, that word.”
“Oh!… [censored] Hey, I think I know what that means! That’s one of those “sentence enhancers”!”
“Sentence enhancers?”
“Yeah! Adagio and Aria use ‘em all the time! Like this one time where Dagi stubbed her toe on a sofa leg.”
“Wow, really?”
“Mhm! Well anyway, you use ‘em when you wanna talk fancy! You just sprinkle it over anything you say, and….. wham-o! Ya got yourself a spicy sentence sandwich!”
“Oh I get it now! Here, let me try: Ahem. Hello, Sonata. Lovely [censored] day we’re having, are we not? *giggles*”
“Why yes, it is, Pinkie! This [censored] day is particularly [censored] lovely! *giggles*”
“How [censored] right you are, Sonata!”
“[censored].”
“[censored].”
 
Pinkie soon felt thrilled after going back and forth with their string of curses.
 
“Ooh, you’re right, Sonata! My lips are tingling from the spiciness of this conversation! Hee hee!”
“Heh, mine too!”
“Hahahaha!” the two chuckled in unison.
“Hahahaha! It tingles when I laugh!” exclaimed Pinkie. “Hahahaha!”
 
 
The next morning, Pinkie happily skipped over to Sugarcube Corner, being a bit more ecstatic than usual, however. Eager to share her newfound “knowledge” to the world and proudly opening the doors of the bakery, Pinkie had saluted the patrons with a “warm” greeting.
 
“Hello, customers! Nice [censored] day we’re having, huh?”
 
“*gasp*” exclaimed Bon-Bon. “Did….. did she just say-?!”
“Yep…. she did.” replied Lyra.
 
Pinkie soon passed by Sonata’s table.
 
“Hey, Sonata. How the [censored] are ya?”
“Pretty [censored] good, Pinkie!”
 
At another table nearby, Octavia just sneered.
 
“Yeesh, I thought this was a restaurant!” yelled Granny Smith. “Not a gutter-mouth convention!”
 
Pinkie, seeming oblivious to everyone’s disgust, continued onto the cash register intercom to announce the specials for the day. But of course, adding a little bit of “pizzaz” to her announcement.
 
“Ahem. Hello customers! Today’s special is a [censored] Krabby Patty served in a greasy [censored] sauce and grilled to [censored] perfection!”
 
While this was going on, the customers abruptly stopped what they were doing, with one customer about to take a bite of his sandwich, only for the patty to fall out. Meanwhile at another table, Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Apple Bloom could all be seen laughing, with an appalled Applejack quickly covering Scootaloo’s and Sweetie’s ears. Apple Bloom was still laughing however, so Applejack promptly shielded her whole head with her oversized hat.
 
“And don’t forget to ask us to [censored] the [censored] fries! It’ll be our [censored] pleasure!”
 
Rarity soon walked into the restaurant, but was instantly floored to a standstill as she picked at her ears in disbelief.
 
“Hi, Rarity!” hailed Pinkie. “How the [censored] are ya!”
“Nice [censored] day we’re having, isn’t it, Rarity?” greeted Sonata as well.
 
Fluttershy shook her head in disappointment.
 
“Oh my, I-I don’t understand. Pinkie’s talented! She doesn’t have to work blue…. Oh! Sorry, Rainbow Dash. *blush*”
“Y’know what, Fluttershy? You’re right! Let’s go somewhere more family-oriented!”
 
Fed up with the foul language circulating in the air, everyone followed Rainbow Dash out the door grumbling in complete frustration. And as soon as the last customer left the restaurant, a meter for how many customers in the restaurant quickly rolled down to zero and an alarm suddenly wailed accompanied with a bright red glow. Meanwhile, on the toilet, Mr. Cake was soon caught off guard by the alarm and immediately put down his newspaper to look through the restaurant’s periscope.
 
“Huh?! What’s this? *gasp* Sugaracube Corner! She’s empty!”
 
Mr. Cake immediately ran out of the bathroom in panic, albeit with his pants still down and his underwear exposed.
 
“All hands on deck! Batten the front doors! Brace the cash register! Break out the happy snacks! Aahhhh!”
 
As soon as Mr. Cake ran out of the restaurant, Sunset Shimmer walked in, confused at what just occurred after examining the empty state of the bakery.
 
“Sheesh, looks like a ghost town in here. Hey Rarity, where have all the customers gone?”
“Well apparently, the two sailor-mouth sisters just learned a new word. And Pinkie just said it over the intercom!”
“Well, what was it? What’d she say?”
Slightly embarrassed, Rarity replied “Uh…. erm, well…. she said…. *whispers*”
“Huh?”
“*whispers*”
“Rare, I can’t understand ya if you keep saying bzbzbzbzbzbzb….”
“Oh! Sorry, darling…. *whispers*”
 
“*gasp* Pinkamena Diane Pie and Sonata Dusk!” yelled Sunset. “Front and center!”
 
Hesitant and with sweat dripping from their brows, Pinkie and Sonata unsteadily approached.
 
“Why, I oughta make Mr. and Mrs. Cake make the two of you paint the whole bakery for using such dirty language!”
“B-but Sunset!” Pinkie pleaded. “We were only using our sentence enhancers!”
“Y-yeah!” Sonata added in. “It’s fancy talk!”
 
“There ain’t nothing fancy about that word!”
“Ya mean, [censored]?”
“Yes, that one! Now quit saying that. It’s a bad word!”
 
“B-b-bad word?! Baaahh! Aahhh! Yaaahh!” Pinkie and Sonata exclaimed as they started wiping their tongues.
“Yes siree, that is bad word number eleven! In fact, there are thirteen bad words you should never use!”
 
“Don’t you mean there are only seven?” interrupted Rarity.
“Not if you’re from Equestria! Heh heh….”
 
“Wow, thirteen!” Pinkie stated.
“That’s a lot of [censored] bad words!” replied Sonata.
 
“Alright, girls. I want you to promise me, you’ll never use that word or any of the thirteen bad words ever again. Okay?”
“We promise, Sunset!” Pinkie and Sonata proclaimed in unison.
 
After vowing to Sunset that any form of profanity will never leave their lips again, Pinkie and Sonata promptly returned home to the former’s house to where they would enjoy a nice relaxing board game. Or, so they thought….
 
“Gee, I’m glad Sunset told us that word we were using was a bad word!” said Pinkie.
“Yeah, for realsies!” Sonata agreed. “Because classy sophisticated ladies, such as ourselves, shall not further stain our lips with cursing!”
“Yea, verily!” Pinkie replied as she pulled out a box. “Now, why don’t we “classy ladies” play a nice wholesome game of ‘Sirens and Stepladders’?”
“Oh, boy! My favorite!”
 
Pinkie immediately removed the game board and pieces from the box and commenced the game.
 
“C’mon, Gummy needs a new pair of shoes! *rolls dice*”
“Ooh…. sirens.” Sonata said discerningly. “Too bad, Pinkie. Ya gotta ride the siren….”
“*snaps fingers* Shoot!”
 
Pinkie halfheartedly moved her piece down the siren illustration while Sonata began her turn.
 
“My turn! *rolls dice* Hooray! Stepladders! Woo! Up, up, up!” Sonata exclaimed as she moved her piece up the stepladder piece.
“C’mon, stepladders, stepladders, stepladders. *rolls dice* Ugh, sirens again…. *moves piece*”
“My turn! *rolls dice* Stepladders! Woohoo!”
“C’mon! Stepladders, stepladders, stepladders! *rolls dice* Eh?! Sirens?!”
“*rolls dice* Steeeeepladders! *moves piece* Heh, well, don’t mean to rub it in, but this is your last chance, Pinkie! Or if ya get sirens again, you lose!”
 
Not being deterred, Pinkie grabbed the dice and boldly rolled, determined to finally land on the stepladders side.
“Grrgh! Stepladders, stepladders, stepladders! Hyah! *rolls dice*….. Hah! Stepladders! Aw, yeah!”
 
However, Pinkie would find herself in a classic case of celebrating too early, as the dice somehow on its own rolled over to the sirens side.
 
“Sirens….” said Sonata.
 
Flustered and infuriated, Pinkie couldn’t hold it in anymore. Despite her best efforts and recalling previous advice, she let it all out.
 
“Rrrgh…. RRGHHH!!!! BAH, [censored]!”
 
Pinkie quickly realized her mistake and covered her mouth, but it was too late. Sonata had heard it all and couldn’t believe her ears.
 
“Ooooh...! You said number eleven!”
“No, no, I-I didn’t, I-I! I didn’t mean! Y-ya gotta understand, Sonata! I was trying… er, what I meant to say was… uh-! Some things just slip out! I-I mean, you gotta understand!”
“It’s okay, Pinkie. I understand….”
 
…..
…..
 
“SUNSET SHIMMER!!!!! Sunset Shimmer! Sunset Shimmer! Sunset Shimmer!!!!!” Sonata called out as she ran out the door.
 
In a state of confusion and panic, Pinkie immediately gave chase and quickly caught up to Sonata.
 
“No wait, Sonata! Sonata, please don’t tell!!!”
“But you said, [censored]! *gasp* Oh, no!”
 
The tables have now turned, thought Pinkie, albeit not being innocent herself, but still threatened to tattle on her friend regardless.
 
“Aha! Now I’m gonna tell Sunset on you! Hyah!” Pinkie exclaimed as she quickly gained the lead.
“*pant* *pant* Not if I tell first!”
“*pant* *pant* I can run faster than ya! Ha!……….. eh, what?!”
 
Pinkie soon caught eye of Sonata simply hitching a ride on the back of a taco truck, gloating as she rode by.
 
“Heh, see ya at Sugarcube Corner!”
 
However, Sonata celebrated too soon as she soon took notice of the truck’s blinker signaling, and the truck immediately took a detour and turned left away from the direction of Sugarcube Corner.
“Oh no……!” Sonata screamed as she remained on the truck.
 
Now with nothing in her way, Pinkie, with all her strength, sprinted towards and pushed open the doors of Sugarcube Corner, hoping to catch Sunset there, which she did.
 
“*crash* SUNSET SHIMMER, SUNSET SHIMMER, SUNSET SHIMMER!!!”
 
Sunset darted her head towards the entrance.
 
“WHAT, WHAT, WHAT?!”
“SONATA, SONATA, SONATA!!!”
“Yes, yes, yes?!”
“She said, she said, she said-!”
“Out with it, Pinkie!”
 
Gathering her thoughts, Pinkie took in a deep breath, exhaled, and began to tell about what had transpired…. by talking rather fast, of course.
 
“*deep breath* Me and Sonata were playing ‘Sirens and Stepladders’, and Sonata was going up-up-up, and I had to ride the siren and then we ran and Sonata, she said some things….”
“Eh, what kind of things?”
“Well, uh, let's just say she said a certain word that you said we shouldn’t say, and this particular word happens to be word number eleven in the list of thirteen words you said shouldn’t be said!”
“Uh…. right, what was that part about the, um…. who-what and the who-now?”
 
Immediately after, Sonata entered with taco sauce on her face and her finishing the last morsel of her taco, hoping to tell Sunset what happened, albeit in a similar manner to how Pinkie did.
 
“*munch munch* Mmm, tasty! Now where was I…. oh yeah! SUNSET SHIMMER, SUNSET SHIMMER, SUNSET SHIMMER!!!”
 
Sunset herself sighed and facepalmed while Pinkie and Sonata merely babbled out what they were going to say.
 
“She said that word that you said we shouldn't say and dadadadadadadada-! Mmph!” the two said in unison right before Sunset promptly hushed them by covering their mouths.
“Now I’m gonna let go of your lips….” Sunset said sternly. “And when I do, I want you to calmly…. tell me what ya need to tell me. Understand?”
“Mmhm….”
“Good.”
 
……
……
……
 
“She said, [censored]!”
“*gasp* Do my ears deceive me?! You two should be ashamed! Time to take out the trash….”
 
Sunset, without delay, pushed the two out of the bakery and onto the sidewalk.
 
“You two need to be taught a lesson. I thought I made it clear. Never, and I mean never use number eleven, or any of the thirteen bad words! Now the both of ya wait right here. I’ll be right back….”
 
Pinkie and Sonata quaked in fear, dreading whatever punishment Sunset would think of for them.
 
“W-what’s gonna happen to us, Pinkie?”
“We’ll probably get forty lashes!”
“Oh no!” Sonata replied as she stupidly thought of herself with forty, large, weird, eye lashes.
“*sigh* I’m sorry, Sonata. Sunset’s right. There’s no need for words like that.”
“Aw, I’m sorry too, Pinks….”
“Let’s make a vow, Sonata. From this day forth, a foul word shall never pass from our lips again! We’ll be good citizens, just like good ol’ Sunset Shimmer!”
“Agreed!- wait…. Is Sunset even a citizen? I mean, she came from Equestria, so did she go through like a process or something to become a citizen? And for that record, am I a citizen?! Are Dagi and Aria citizens too?! Oh no, I’m probably not! They’re gonna find me and lock me up! And-!”
“-Sonata, your spiraling.” Cut off Pinkie.
“Oh, sorry! *blush*”
 
“Alright, you two foul mouths….” Sunset declared after walking out of the bakery with buckets of paint. “I talked it over with the Cakes and they also agreed that your behavior was unacceptable! So as punishment for fouling the air in their restaurant with your foul words, you’re gonna give Sugarcube Corner a fresh coat of paint from top to bottom! And-!”
 
However, as she was making her way over, she soon stubbed her toe hard on a nearby rock.
 
“Hhhhh…. Hhhh….! YEEEEEEEOW!!!!!! OW! MY [censored] FOOT! WHAT [censored] GENIUS PUTS A [censored] ROCK IN A [censored] PATH?!?! CAN’T YOU SEE I GOT A [censored] FOOT HERE?!?! OH [censored]! OH [censored]! OH-!”
 
Both horrified and confused to what was happening, Pinkie and Sonata began counting the number of swear words Sunset was screaming out.
 
“Five,” Pinkie counted. “Six, seven….”
 
 “A WHOLE LOTTA [censored] AND WITH A SIDE OF [censored], A HEAPIN’ HELPIN’ OF [censored] AND A BOATLOAD OF [censored]!”
 
“Nine….” Sonata totaled as well.
 
 “OH [censored]!”
 
“*gasp* That’s all thirteen, Sonata!” Pinkie deduced as she finished counting on her hands, whose fingers somehow totaled to thirteen.
 
“Ahem!” Pinkie scolded Sunset who froze dead in her tracks, slightly embarrassed at what she had done.
“Uh…. heh heh.” Sunset nervously laughed. “It’s….. not what it looks like? *blush*”
“Oh, really? We’re gonna tell Principal Celestia on you, Sunset Shimmer!”
“*gasp* No wait, please! Not Principal Celestia!”
“C’mon, Sonata! Let’s go!” Pinkie exclaimed as she rushed on to Canterlot High.
 
“And we’re gonna be looking in to your citizenship records, too!” Sonata idiotically added in before running off with Pinkie.
 
“Wait, please! Come back-! Wait…. citizenship- what? Ugh…. come on, you guys! Don’t!”
 
With Sunset in hot pursuit of Pinkie and Sonata, she continued to beg and plead for the two not to report her.
 
“Wait, please don’t tell Principal Celestia! I can’t afford another detention! Or worse, suspension or even expulsion! Ohhh!”
 
But her cries fell on deaf ears, as Pinkie and Sonata swiftly entered the school and found Principal Celestia’s office. They proceeded to knock.
 
“Principal Celestia!” The two yelled in accord. “Principal Celestia!”
 
Celestia then unlocked the door and saw the three of them, wondering what has happened.
 
“Oh, hello there. What brings you three to my office?”
 
Pinkie, Sonata, and Sunset all tried to explain themselves at the same time, albeit using the swear words that they all vowed never to use again.
 
“Principal Celestia, Sunset said [censored], and then she said [censored] again, and said [censored], and then she screamed at the top of her voice, [censored]! And she--[censored]--Principal Celesia, she didn't care! Such a stream of [censored], [censored], [censored] I have never heard in my days!” Pinkie described as she tried to make her voice the loudest to be heard.
 
After hearing all this, Celestia just stood there, feeling rather uneasy.
 
“Oh… d-dear, I-I think I may need…. to sit down and…. *faints*”
“*gasp* Principal Celestia!” Sunset shrieked as she worriedly rushed over to her unconscious principal. “What have these foul-mouthed heathens done to you?! *cries* You two should be ashamed! Making a nice, sweet lady faint with your sailor talk!”
 
But in that moment, Celestia sprang up from the floor, infuriated.
 
“You should all be ashamed! So, these students are examples of CHS’s best, huh? How uncivilized! So, if the three of you are going to talk like sailors, then I guess you don’t mind working like sailors as well!”
“B-but, but-!” the three pleaded.
“No buts! Or so help me, I will give all of you detention for the rest of the semester! Now get to work!”
 
Realizing their mistakes, Pinkie, Sonata, and Sunset immediately went to work, repainting the front of the CHS entrance, with Sonata stupidly painting the ground instead. An hour later, Celestia came outside to check on their work.
 
“Well, heh. I guess you three “scallywags” have earned a glass of lemonade. Hahaha! Hahahaha-!”
 
But as soon as she started to go back inside, she accidentally stubbed her foot on one of the stairs.
 
“Hhhhh…. Hhhh….! YEEEEEEEOW!!!!!! OW! MY [censored] FOOT!”
 
Needless to say, Pinkie, Sonata, and Sunset were shocked.
 
“Principal Celestia!” exclaimed Sunset.
“What? It’s just Granny Smith driving by the school as usual.” Celestia replied as she pointed out to the distance.
 
*honk* “Howdy, Principal C!” *honk*
 
Finding the situation rather humorous, the four all let out a big laugh.
 
“Hahahahahahaha!”
 
 
The End…
Category:Episodes