True and Honest Chicken Peter

True and Honest Chicken Peter is the second episode of Chicken Peter. The episode released on September 30, 2023, and was written by .
== Transcript ==
[Exterior shot of the Psychologist Building in San Francisco. The company’s boss is in her office, rummaging through paperwork. Chicken Peter enters, looking a little more shaken than usual.]
Chicken Peter: Cheep cheep cheep… You wanted to CHEEP- I mean, see me, boss?
[The boss straightens her paperwork, and gives Chicken Peter a stern look.]
Boss: Take a seat.
[Chicken Peter complies.]
Boss: You know, Peter-
Chicken Peter: Actually it’s Chicken Peter now.
Boss: I don’t care. Peter, you’ve worked here always playing psychologist with us for many years, and one week ago I would have considered you one of our best.
Chicken Peter: Oh boy, there’s a “but” coming.
Boss: A big “but”. Like Kevin Leonardo’s, we’re talking.
[Chicken Peter gulps.]
Boss: This past week, Peter, you’ve been acting a lot more… I’m just gonna say it, you’ve been just a little chicken.
Chicken Peter: Oh come on! This is discrimination!
Boss: Yesterday your patient wanted to kill himself and you ran out of the room crying! I have no problem with you being a Chicken Peter now, but I can’t keep you employed here if you’re gonna keep acting like a Chicken Peter. Consider this your two-week notice.
Chicken Peter: BRUH! YOU’RE FIRING ME??!
Boss: I prefer the term “letting you go.”
Chicken Peter: NO! CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP! YOU ARE NOT LETTING ME GO! I AM LETTING YOU GO! I QUIT! GOOD DAY, MA’AM!
[Chicken Peter angrily storms out of the office.]
Boss: You know what, that’s fine, you leave, don’t come back! We don’t need you anyway! It’s your loss—you and your stupid Warner Bros! They spit on you at Warner Bros!
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[Exterior shot of Johnny’s apartment complex. It is revealed that Chicken Peter also lives here, and we see him entering his apartment.]
Chicken Peter: Honey, I’m home!
THE MONKEY: OOH OOH-OOH!
[Chicken Peter and THE MONKEY kiss.]
THE MONKEY: I’m making spaghetti tacos!
Chicken Peter: You get me so well, bubba.
THE MONKEY: How was work today, darling?
Chicken Peter: I got fired.
THE MONKEY: BRUH
Chicken Peter: They betrayed me, they didn’t keep their promise, they tricked me, and I don’t care anymore.
THE MONKEY: Did you tell them how much you save them?
Chicken Peter: Of course, what do you think? They already put my ideas into practice. They save money, and they are using me, and I am the fool.
THE MONKEY: Well it’s their loss, not yours, honey. Why did you fire you anyway?
Chicken Peter: They said I was too much of a chicken…
THE MONKEY: That’s crazy talk!
[CrazySponge walks in.]
CrazySponge: You called?
THE MONKEY: Fuck off.
CrazySponge: 😢
[CrazySponge leaves.]
Chicken Peter: I’m sorry, THE MONKEY. We’re gonna need some extra money while I look for another job.
THE MONKEY: Don’t say sorry, bubba! You know, we could always try kidnapping innocent children and asking for millions in ransom money.
Chicken Peter: That sounds hard, and- CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP -illegal.
THE MONKEY: Hahaha! Chicken Peter, you’re just a little chicken!
Chicken Peter: I AM NOT!
THE MONKEY: Maybe the psychology place was right. 
Chicken Peter: I AM NOT A LITTLE CHICKEN!
THE MONKEY: Wait, why don’t we just do what SpongeBob and Daddy Pig did?
Chicken Peter: Who?
THE MONKEY: They stopped the Suzy Sheep apocalypse last year.
Chicken Peter: Oh yeah.
THE MONKEY: I’ve been reading Daddy Pig’s memoir and he says that when he and SpongeBob needed some money, they just got a lodger. He turned out to be a pedophile, but we have a spare room, right?
Chicken Peter: I guess so…
THE MONKEY: Come on, it’ll be fun having another guy in the apartment!
Chicken Peter: Cheep chee- fine.. Just make sure they’re not a weirdo. There’s… too many weirdos these days.
THE MONKEY: Great! I’ll put out an ad on Paigelist. 
French Narrator: The next day…
[Chicken Peter and THE MONKEY are laying in bed together when they hear a really loud knock at their apartment door. Chicken Peter wakes up, startled.]
Chicken Peter: CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP!
THE MONKEY: Augh… what’s wrong, Chicken Peter?
Chicken Peter: There’s someone at the door…
THE MONKEY: What time is it?
[Chicken Peter checks their bedside alarm.]
Chicken Peter: 5am…
THE MONKEY: Holy JewWario… better answer it.
Chicken Peter: Augh…
[Chicken Peter walks towards the door, unlocks it and opens it.]
Chicken Peter: Hello?
[Fucking Chris Chan invites themself into the apartment.]
Chris Chan: This does not even deserve a Captain’s Log introduction. Hey guys, this is dead serious!
Chicken Peter: I’m sorry, it’s five in the morning. Do I know you?
Chris Chan: My name is Christine Weston Chandler, chronicler of Sonichu and Rosechu, as well as the CPU Goddess of the Nations of Cwcville, Comma, and the Commodore Consoles. I suspect you’ve heard quite a bit about me.
Chicken Peter: I literally have no idea who you are…
Chris Chan: I’m Chris Chandler! I’m famous on da internets!
Chicken Peter: …are you like one of those Minecraft SMP guys?
[THE MONKEY approaches the two.]
THE MONKEY: Who is it, baby?
Chicken Peter: It’s some guy.
Chris Chan: I AM CHRISTINE… WESTON… CHANDLER! SO GET IT THROUGH YOUR DAMN FUCKING SKULL AND CALL ME THE REAL NAME THAT HAVE GOD HAS BEEN GIVEN TO ME, AND the bear at Regency Square Shopping center, during 1989… YOU DAMN, MOCKING, BASTARD!!!
[Pause. THE MONKEY turns to Chicken Peter.]
THE MONKEY: Is she a friend of yours?
Chicken Peter: I am just as clueless as you.
Chris Chan: Am I right in thinking you are Chicken Peter and THE MONKEY?
THE MONKEY: OOH OOH–OOH!
Chicken Peter: …yeah?
Chris Chan: Well, I saw your advertisement on Paigelist and I believe you two are looking for an um… a lodger of sorts.
THE MONKEY: Oh. Oh right. Sorry, I completely forgot I put that up last night.
Chris Chan: It’s okay. We all make mistakes. Well, you see, I’m in a bit of a predicament. My sweet darling Barbara kicked me out of my house in Ruckersville, Virginia, so now I am looking for a place to stay which I am hoping you two will provide for me.
Chicken Peter: I’m sorry, did you say you live in Virginia?
Chris Chan: Eeyup.
Chicken Peter: This is San Francisco, in the middle of California.
Chris Chan: Eeyup.
Chicken Peter: You drove all the way from Virginia to California assuming we would give you a place to stay?
Chris Chan: That is correct. I brought a few things with me, I hope y’all don’t mind.
[Chris slams a MAHOOSIVE suitcase onto the floor.]
THE MONKEY: Oh wow.
Chris Chan: Just a few of my belongings. My striped shirts, my medallions, as well as my entire My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic collection.
THE MONKEY: Well, you have -money, right?
Chris Chan: I have my tugboat, yes.
Chicken Peter: Tug- tugboat?
Chris Chan: Yeah, um… not sure if you’ve noticed but I am an autistic, you see, and I get a tugboat of money each month because um… I’m special, yeah.
THE MONKEY: Well, if you can give us money I guess you can stay in the guest room.
Chicken Peter: CHEEP CHEEP- WHAT?!
THE MONKEY: They seem nice.
Chicken Peter: They seem like a weirdo! And I don’t like weirdos.
Chris Chan: I won’t be that weird, I promise.
THE MONKEY: And they’re gonna give us money!
Chicken Peter: Hmmm… that is true. Okay fine, this guy can stay.
Chris Chan: YIPPEE!! Oh thank you, thak you, thank you SO MUCH! You will not regret this…
[Chris Chan hugs Chicken Peter.]
Chicken Peter: CHEEP CHEEP- augh…
[Fin.]
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