The Shining Bootleg Version

🎶There once was a ship that put to sea, the name of the ship was the Billy of Tea. The winds blew up, her bow dipped down. Oh blow, my bully boys, blow. Soon may the Wellerman come, to bring us sugar and tea and rum. One day, when the tonguing is done. We'll take our leave and go.🎶
Man we enjoyed taking choir class back in the day. We loved singing sea shanties for every friday. You know, We're not that much of a fan of horror movies. Why? Because they tend to get very creepy and it mostly attends to jumpscare fests. Let me tell you something, There's a horror movie we hate. It's called The Shining. What's wrong with it you are asking? Well, let us be clear, it's a horror movie for starters. Also, the fact that Jack and Wendy, the husband and wife of the movie tend to call their son doc like in the Looney Tunes cartoons.
Give us a break, give us a break, break us off a piece of the kit kat. Oh, sorry, one of my sisters were enjoying a delicious Kit Kat blizzard from Dairy Queen. Anyways, for those of you who haven't seen The Shining. The film is about Jack Torrance, an aspiring writer and recovering alcoholic who accepts a position as the off-season caretaker of the isolated historic Overlook Hotel in the Colorado Rockies. Wintering over with Jack are his wife, Wendy Torrance, and young son, Danny Torrance. Danny in summation is gifted with "the shining", psychic abilities that enable him to see into the hotel's horrific past. The hotel cook, Dick Hallorann, also has this ability and is able to communicate with Danny telepathically. The hotel had a previous winter caretaker who went insane and killed his family and himself. After a winter storm leaves the Torrances snowbound, Jack's sanity deteriorates due to the influence of the supernatural forces that inhabit the hotel, placing his wife and son in danger.
But, we came across a very weird bootleg version of this movie. Alright, just to get the elephant out of the room on why you've been seeing the word we in this story, allow us to introduce ourselves. Well, they never gave us names on when we made music videos for our band Cedarmont Kids. So, we'll name ourselves Helen, Tifa and Eleanor.
We're about to say something honestly funny. We're adopted by walruses. Now why exactly? Well, we found a walrus family who could speak human. One is a giant walrus from the show Pingu and another one from the 1951 movie Alice In Wonderland. Now even though we are adopted by walruses, we also have some animal, object and human siblings. Their names are Randolph Gritler, Bob & Larry, Justin, Sofia, Gareth Eggplant, Edward Von Puppet and Sir Lenny Henry. We tend to get along most times. But not that much since they are quite older than we think and most of them are in college, at their jobs and more. 
Our family is amazing. They allow us to do whatever we care for like watching the most dirtiest movies, buying whatever the hell we like and much more. Anyways, there is a very weird bootleg version of the 1980 Stanley Kubrick movie The Shining. Here's the story. Long ago, the 4 nations lived together in harmony. Whoops, wrong script. Eleanor, I thought I told you to stop messing up the script to our story.
Geez. Anyways, one day, Tifa, Eleanor and I were at 7-Eleven being crazy by tasting all flavors of soda and slurpees. What was also crazy is that the store clerk was shirtless, we learned that his name was David Hasselhoff. He told us that everything was free as of today so we didn't pay extra. Helen, Tifa and I got every soda flavor by using a magic shopping cart. We drank our drinks outside of the store when these familiar people. They were named Mr Clown and Mrs Marionette.
(More to come)