Krusty Cheapskates/transcript

Previous Episode: The Tour
== Transcript ==
Episode Aired: March 18, 2017
Episode Copyrighted: 2017
This episode is rated TV-Y7.
The episode begins at the Krusty Krab. An enraged Mr. Krabs storms out of his office in a heated rage.
Mr. Krabs: I AM SO MAD!!!
Squidward is awakened from one of his daily naps.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *stops my mopping for a second*
Squidward Tentacles: Wait, since when did I care about your feelings? *proceeds to the bathroom to go and ignores everybody*
Lincoln Loud: *enters the Krusty Krab* What's going on, Mr. Krabs?
SpongeBob SquarePants: What's wrong Mr. K?
Mr. Krabs: Bankers boyos! Those good for nothing evil pieces of filth and trash!
Lincoln Loud: Why are you viewing bankers this way?
Mr. Krabs: I made a deal with the Bikini Bottom Bank 20 years ago to be given monthly loans of transacted money so I wouldn’t have to worry about business fraud!
Lincoln Loud: And?
Mr. Krabs: THEY CANCELED IT! I now cannot get any more money thanks to those despicable dirtbags! *crushes a cup full of soda as an angry outburst*
He then takes a seat to gather his thoughts and breath.
Lincoln Loud: Mr. Krabs?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Well what are you going to do Mr. K?
Mr. Krabs: I don’t know boyos. The Krusty Krab is in a heap of trouble if these transacted loans stay canceled! I don’t even have the help of others to turn this around!
Mr. Krabs then stops suddenly. 
SpongeBob SquarePants: Mr. Krabs? Are you having another one of those things you call “strokes” again?
Mr. Krabs: No… not at all…… perhaps I may have some help after all. Stay here and man the helm Spongebob. I got some business to attend to.
The slide transition  cuts to Mr. Krabs inside a fancy looking ballroom full of other crustaceans. Instead of dancing with people, these crustaceans dance with wads of money. They are the League of Cheapskates from “Kracked Krabs.” Mr. Krabs himself sits at a table with the four superiors of the League. Dwight T. Wad, Huford BargainBottom, Fancy McGee and the oldest superior: Old Man Crab.
Mr. Krabs: I have summoned all of ye to discuss a common enemy.
Dwight Wad: Politicians?
Fancy McGee: Millennials?
Old Man Crab: Death?
Huford's question is just a “simple” grunt.
Mr. Krabs: No! Worse! Bankers!
The entire league including the superiors pause in shock at this atrocious word.
Huford BargainBottom: *begins making several angry grunts*
Old Man Crab: *manages to calm him down*
Dwight Wad: I hate those frauds so much!
Fancy McGee: They stole my money since I refused to spend any of it!
Old Man Crab: They even took my retirement! Now I’m clinically dead according to my doctors!
Huford BargainBottom: *grunts*
Mr. Krabs: And you want to know what else?! They took away my loans and now I’m forced to spend my remaining cash!
The woman screams in horror. Old Man drops dead to the floor. McGee however revives him due to having some medical experience and CPR training.
Huford BargainBottom: *grunts once more at this revelation*
Dwight Wad: Murderers!
Fancy McGee: They cannot get away with this!
Huford BargainBottom: *does a grunt in agreement with my two colleagues*
Mr. Krabs: So I have a plan to deal with these villains!
Old Man Crab: Kill them?
Mr. Krabs: No! We’re cheapskates! We have to avoid prison! Not encourage it! I say we protest!
Dwight Wad: Protest?
Mr. Krabs: Yes protest! Scare these corporate junk with enough threats to give us back our money so we can continue hoarding it and stealing others from children's pockets!
The league cheers in unison
Huford BargainBottom: *does a “cheering grunt”*
Mr. Krabs: To the bank!
Others: To the bank!
Huford BargainBottom: *grunts*
At the bank, the lead teller named Quincy enters a room where his assistant teller, named The Wizard, uses magic powers.
The Wizard: Hello Quincy!
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: *grumpily* Hello… Wizard.
The Wizard: You mind making this quick? I got better things to do than talk to you! Like eating donuts and watching hockey games!
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: You are a bank teller! Not a game developer! Get back to your assigned station as well instead of your sloppy desk.
The Wizard: Nah, too cramped!
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: Grrr! As I was about to say, I need your help! The league is after us!
The Wizard: The League of Legends? I was the assistant developer on that game!
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: No! The League of Cheapskates!
The Wizard: Oh. Those old businessmen?
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: Yes!
The Wizard: Pfft… what can those pathetic old men do? Aren’t they like 80?
Mr. Krabs is right outside and overhears.
Mr. Krabs: I’m 75!
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants and The Wizard: *looks out our window to see Mr. Krabs, the League Superiors and the other angry cheapskates ready to protest*
The Wizard: They don’t look all that tough!
Huford BargainBottom: *gets out a suitcase full of sharp weapons as well as a “just cleaned” harpoon*
He grunts.
The Wizard: AAAAAAHHHH!! *hides under my trashy desk and shivers in fear*
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: *opens the window to try and reason with Mr. Krabs* Listen Krabs. We canceled your loans for one reason and one reason only! You never paid us back!
Mr. Krabs: Liar! Our deal specifically stated that I get loans of transactions so I won’t have to worry about fraud! But I see you are nothing but a fraud yourself!
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: That is the most idiotic statement I had ever heard! Loans are supposed to be paid back in full! Not to be free presents to mansions and sports cars!
Fancy McGee: And to never spend! Don’t forget to never spend!
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: I’m sorry Krabs but… you are not getting those loans back!
Dwight Wad: Oh yeah! Is that what you think Mr. Tough Guy?
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: I used to be a bodybuilder mind you!
Fancy McGee: *mocks Quincy's stick figure looking appearance* That was 20 pounds soaking wet?
Old Man Crab: Agghghghgh!
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: I’m warning you! Don’t get testy!
Mr. Krabs: Testy!
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: I’m going to call the cops!
Dwight Wad: But I’m on parole!
The Wizard: *still hidden* Me too!
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: *shuts the window and picks up my telephone* That's it! 911 it is!
The Wizard: *comes out of hiding* Are you sure this is the right idea Quincy?
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: They are threatening us Albert! They need to be taken care of! *gets a connection*
Operator: 911, what's your emergency? Unless your name is Squidward Tentacles. We do not want to hear another one of your sissy fits about that pink starfish.
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: This is Quincy the bank teller! Get me the cops! We got unheard of protesters!
Mr. Krabs and The League: *begins thinking of a new plan since threats are not working*
Mr. Krabs: Any other ideas?
Old Man Crab: I still got that scythe I stole from the Grim Reaper during my 65th near death experience.
Mr. Krabs: We are not killing them!
Dwight Wad: Then what do we do Eugene?!
Mr. Krabs: *pulls out paper* We use propaganda! *walks up to one of the citizens* The bank plans to cancel ye credit card!
Dwight Wad: *walks up to some elderly citizens* The bank wants to take away your retirement money!
Fancy McGee: *talks to some other citizens* Those evil tellers will call the IRS to audit you!
Huford BargainBottom: *grunts to another citizen*
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: *gets a knock at my door*
The Wizard: What if it is that old grunting creep?! 
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: Zip it Albert!
He opens it to find the cops there.
Cop #42: What seems to be the issue Quincy?
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: I already told you! There is this mass league of old krusty businessmen that are all mad just because they have lost their loan privileges!
The Wizard: *cries in fear* And there is this old creep that can only grunt and carries several medieval weaponry!
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: Zip it Wizard Man!
Cop #42 and Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: *looks outside to see nothing at first*
Cop #42: *chuckles* It seems you have been worrying about nothing lad!
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: What?! But they were just there! And I’m 50 years old! That's not a little lad!
Cop #42: Listen Quincy, we are The City Police Force, we don’t have time for shenanigans.
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: But cops!
The police leave frustrated thinking that they were sent on a wild goose chase.
The Wizard: How inconceivable are they?! Right Quincy?!
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: Zip it Wizard Man! What am I going to do?! I am fearing for my life!
The Wizard: Um Quincy, I know you said “Zip it,” but I think you should see this.
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: See what?
The teller and the Wizard look out the window to see that Mr. Krabs and the league have returned with several other angry citizens. 
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh homina homina homina.. *hears crackling and chewing*
He turns to see Al snacking on a bag of potato chips.
The Wizard: What? I get hungry when I’m nervous!
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: *opens my window and is greeted by Mr. Krabs again*
Mr. Krabs: *sarcastically* I see your attempts in calling the Cops went well!
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: Listen Mr. Krabs. This is a place of business! Like your Krusty Krab place! Listen! We can make a deal! So nobody has to get hurt!
Old Man Jenkins: Hurt?! You refused to cover my medical insurance! This is personal!
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: No offense Old Man Jenkins, but aren’t you like on the brink of death anyways?
Old Man Jenkins: You’re probably right.
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: Anyways, can we make a deal? Please! I beg of you!
Dwight Wad: What's in it for us?! These citizens and my partners are not playing!
The angry citizens hold up sporks which they sharpen with their teeth into forks.
The Wizard: Not the forks! Noooo!! *goes into hiding again*
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: I can give you each $25 interest! We can even put your businesses under Union protection as well!
Mr. Krabs: $25?! What do you think we are?! Poor! $150!
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: $30!
Dwight Wad: $145!
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: $40!
Fancy McGee: $135!
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: $45!
Old Man Crab: $130!
Huford BargainBottom: *grunts and holds up a sign that says "$125"*
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: $46?
Mr. Krabs: $125! $125! and $125!
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: But?
The Wizard: Just give them the stupid $125 already! I need to live and develop my next video game!
Quincy from SpongeBob SquarePants: Urrghh! Fine! $125 it is! Now go home all of you! *shuts my windows and breathes a sigh of relief*
The slide transition cuts to the Krusty Krab. Business is all good again. Mr. Krabs had gained $125 and Union protection has been put into place. He discusses his victory with SpongeBob.
Mr. Krabs: I may have not gotten me loan privileges back. But I can settle for second best! 
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hooray for!…… uh what now?
Mr. Krabs: Capitalism!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh…. oh yeah! That word! *laughs*
Mr. Krabs: *doesn’t find it a funny joke*
SpongeBob SquarePants: I’ll get back to my station.
Dwight T. Wad and his supermarket business is going well. He talks with his wife and co-manager, Madame Greenbacks.
Dwight Wad: Dwighty Boy succeeds again my love! Expect tons and tons of hoarding!
Madame Greenbacks: Oh I cannot wait to kiss the money and tuck it into blankets!
Dwight Wad: *looks a bit disturbed* Perhaps that is a little too much.
Old Man Crab and Fancy McGee's shipping business is going fine. They finish an argument with an angry passenger.
Passenger: Are you sure this boat won’t sink?!
Fancy McGee: Right you are! Built from the finest crustaceans around!
Old Man Crab: And full of amazing champagne!
Passenger: Alright….. but if this thing sinks beneath my feet! I am getting my refunds!
This passenger boards the RMS Cheapy. The ship sets sail very well at first. Until it strikes a coral reef and immediately capsizes. Numerous screams are heard inside before the boat explodes.
The Wizard: *screams*
Old Man Crab and Fancy McGee: *looks on with shock*
Fancy McGee: It capsized and exploded…….. but it didn’t sink! 
Old Man Crab: I am glad we are so honest!
The two men high five, put up a “No Refunds” sign and walk away.
Huford BargainBottom: *finishes overcharging a clarinet to a dissatisfied customer*
Fish Customer: Hey! This clarinet was supposed to cost $25! Not $150! And it's made of toilet paper!
The clarinet collapses into yucky wet toilet paper.
Huford BargainBottom: *grunts in response before snaps my fingers*
Fish Customer: Why are you snapping?
Huford BargainBottom: *grunts with other league members that can only make this noise*
Along with snapping, they surround the customer.
Fish Customer: No! Nooo! You old creeps!
The Wizard: That's what I said! Let's show my magic! Huh?!
The Fat Wizard is shown looking through the window having bought a toilet paper chandelier.
The Wizard: *screams*
Lincoln Loud: Are you alright, Mr. Wizard? I heard you screaming.
The Wizard: The spell is gone.
Lincoln Loud: Can we help?
The Wizard: Oh no. Here we go again.
He runs away.
Mr. Krabs: *leans back in success back at the Krusty Krab* All's well that ends well! Ay Lincoln?
Lincoln Loud: I would say so….. but Mr. Krabs? What are you going to do about the bathroom? Squidward clogged and broke the toilet again.
Squidward Tentacles: *angrily, offscreen* LINCOLN!
Lincoln Loud: Gotta go. Bye. *leaves*
Mr. Krabs: *looks stunned and loose change falls out of my pockets*
He realizes that he must pay for a plumber now.
Mr. Krabs: Oh barnacles….
Screen cuts in black and it says "THE END". Episode ends.
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