Bloody Saturday

"Bloody Saturday" is a Season 2 episode of Life in Bikini Bottom, and the 28th overall.
==Characters==
*Paul Renaud
*Donald Trump
*SpongeCock SquarePants
*Fatprick Star
*XXXTentacion
*Pissing Pearl
*Eugene F. Kraps
*Cops (cameo)
*Donald Trump's secretary (cameo)
==Synopsis==
President Trump releases Mr. Renaud under the condition that he makes him a pee fetish porno. When he recruits Pissing Pearl to help him make it, she unexpectedly gets on her period, creating a whole spiral of events.
== Transcript ==
“Alright, Paul, I’ll pardon you from your sex crimes, under one condition” Donald Trump informs Mr. Renaud, who is eagerly waiting for a response from the president. “And what would that be? I’ve been itchin’ to explode a wide ass load into my blanket tonight. I got the entire Tyce+Travis: Naughty Boys In Bed tape on DVD!” Trump chuckles through the phone. “Well, that certainly sounds hot. But before you do that, I need you to do a YYYYYYYYYYYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGEEEEEE favor for me.” “Okay, what would that favor be, Mr. President?” Renaud says, sweating. “Why, Paul, let me tell you that it is a fantastic favor. And I’ve requested a lot of favors before. But out of all of those, this is the best one I’ve ever suggested. It’s an excellent favor, I must tell you. When I tell you what it is, OMG, you’re gonna be amazed. You will absolutely love it. The most incredible thing you’ll ever see! When you see how fantastic it is, you’ll be amazed. Purely amazed. It’s such an amazing favor that it will make Crazy Bernie sound sane. No favor could ever match this one...”
 APPROXIMATELY 4 HOURS AND 20 MINUTES LATER
“... and that is why it’s so fantastic!” “Okay,” Mr. Renaud says, confused, “but what is the favor? I could’ve watched 4 hours of it by now!” “Ah yes, sorry to keep you waiting, Paul. It’s just that I haven’t grabbed a woman by the pussy in so long! So naturally, I am very horny right now.” Paul bows his head in empathy. “I feel your dilemma, Mr. President. So what do you wish for me to do?” Trump laughs. “Well, actually, it’s two favors now. One, I’d really appreciate it if you could send me some of those Tyce+Travis: Naughty Boys In Bed DVDs. Hehe, I could really fuck some shit up.” “So what was the other request?” Mr. Renaud asks. Trump slides his hands together and gets a grin on his face.
“I have discovered a new kink of mine recently. I realized that I have become very aroused by porn where they piss all over the camera! I pretend like I’m drinking it.” Mr. Renaud replies with “Uhh…. okay….” Trump continues, “And make sure it’s someone far younger than me! That’s why I married Melania.” “Mr. President, this doesn’t seem like you. Are you sure this isn’t just some excuse so we could make an episode about a background character that we completely forgot about?” “OF COURSE IT’S NOT!” Trump shouts. “DO YOU WANT TO BE PARDONED OR NOT! Don’t act like a crazy liberal, Paul!” Mr. Renaud bows his head. “Yes, sir. So uhh…you find pee hot, do you?” “I find everything hot. Especially Ivanka!” Renaud chuckles and gets a grin on his face. “Oh yeah, Mr. Kraps! That confirms it. I shall shoot you the best child porn porn ever seen!” He hangs up the phone as the cops walk him out of the station. “Alright, Renaud,” they say while pushing him out, “you’re free to go.” “Heehee… I’ve worked my magic once again,” Mr. Renaud reflects. “But where will I find the right person for the US’ president from 2017-2025? Those damn democrats electing Joe the Rapist. Disgusting.”
After wandering around town for a while, Mr. Renaud stumbles upon the Krusty Kock, the Cum Bucket, and even the beloved strip club. But he doesn’t think to look in there. He comes across SpongeCock’s cummy pinyapple that’s covered in shit by Fatprick. “Let’s see who this is… hopefully it has one of my students!” He knocks on the door with something that’s not his fist, as he’s shocked to see who answers the door. “Mr. Renaud?” SpongeCock says in almost fear. “OH MY GOD! SPONGECOCK! I didn’t expect to see you here!” He then whispers to himself, “well he has a kid here so JACKPOT!” SpongeCocks asks what he’s doing there as XXXTentacion and Fatprick come over. “Who’s this simp?” X asks, while Fatprick continues eating his ice cream cake. “YEAH YOU TELL HIM JAH!” he agrees with his mouth stuffed. Mr. Renaud cackles nervously as he brings up his proposition.
“SpongeCock, me boy! Me astonishingly good looking boy! I need your help. I’m in a dire situation,” he says, putting his hands together in prayer (until he puts them apart and sticks one of them down his pants). “What is it?” SpongeCock asks. “Well, as you know, I’ve been arrested by those fascist pigs. All I wanted to do was make some good ol’ child porn! What’s wrong with that?” “Well, for one, it’s sex between children that you are filming and distributing to other people,” X says. “Excuse me, mumble boy, didn’t you beat your girlfriend up? Go sing about your troubles and lie some more.” X shakes his head in discomfort. “Nah, just kidding,” Renaud retracts. “I love your music. Now, I hear you have a baby so-“ “SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT THAT SHIT!” SpongeCock yells. “Continue your story.” “Right,” Renaud responds. “President Trump has pardoned me - which I don’t know how, since he’s the president of the US, not Bikini Bottom - and he did with one request for me. One simple request.” “Okay, what is it?” Fatprick drops his ice cream cake and spits it out as he starts getting excited. “Ooooh oooh ooh! Please tell me he wants me to take a mean ass shit in his mouth! I’ve been eating these cakes for 5 hours, I’m about to destroy the first opening I can find!” “Well,” Mr. Renaud responds while scratching his head, “that’s not too far off. What I need, SpongeCock, is some good ol’ piss porn! You know, pissing at the camera!”
Our whole universe was in a G and PG state
Then nearly fourteen billion years ago was inappropriate, wait
Fatprick shit a stool, Shitward began to drool
They invented crap that rules
We built a great, great wall (we started cursing)
Shit, titties bursting, unraveling the coercing
This is Life in Bikini Bottom! PG-13
“WHAT THE HELL! I have to take a dump, not a drip!” SpongeCock takes a roll of duct tape and puts it over Fatprick’s mouth, as he’s struggling to talk afterwards. “Mr. Renaud,” he starts, “why did you come here for that? None of us can do that for you.” “Your son can!” he says with a grin. “No! Never!” “Damn it, I thought that was gonna work this time!” Renaud says while snapping his fingers and rubbing his beard. “Well, is there anyone who can make it for me?” “Actually… yes. Yes, there is.” SpongeCock assures him. “Great! How old are they?” “She’s 19,” SpongeCock replies. “Oh. Eh, I guess I’ll take it. The liberals won’t, though. They hate Brett Kavanaugh!” “Shut up. Her name is Pissing Pearl.” Mr. Renaud takes his glasses off and shakes his head in dismay. “PhillyDan25… I was right. This episode was just so we could bring back a season 1 character.” Fatprick comes back from the toilet where he was taking a quick shit. “Huh? How do you know all of this stuff?” “Simple! I have cameras set up all over Bikini Bottom in case one of the little kiddies decides to masturbate. Like Camdyn! I love watching those.” Fatprick offers himself to help since maybe he can find some ice cream cake along the way. “Well, heh… you know what they say… the more the merrier!” Renaud says in response.
Mr. Renaud and Fatprick have worked their way over to a house in the shape of an anchor, but all of the hooks look like dildos. Fatprick studies the place and concludes that it’s it. “Are you sure, Fatprick? I mean, it does look like something a pornstar would live in.” “Eh, who cares,” Fatprick shouts. “I’m gonna go drop a nuke in their toilet! LAND HO!” He then naruto runs into the house where he bashes through the door and runs up the stairs. “Uh…. yeah…” Mr. Renaud says with a deadpan expression, as he makes his way into the house. “Excuse me! Is Pissing Pearl here?” He makes his way along the main floor of the house while the lights are mostly off. The camera cuts to his front, where a stream of piss can be see coming onto his back. “AHHH!,” he screams, but then quickly follows it up with “I forgot to jack off yesterday!” But seriously, he turns around and is met with the sight of Pissing Peal. “Oops, sorry,” she says promiscuously. “I HAD to go!” Mr. Renaud scratches his head as if he’s disappointed. “Uh, um… you’re a little… uh… BIGGER than I would’ve imagined,” he says. “Yeah, that’s what they all say. What are you here for?” “Well, Pearl, I need an enormous favor from you. A favor directly sent to me by President Trump himself,” Renaud clarifies. “President Trump? My dad loves him! He’s a big time capitalist.” “Well, I sure love capitalizing on the young kiddos I see in the park, hehe. Who’s your dad?” Pissing Pearl informs him that it’s Mr. Kraps, as she pisses all over Renaud’s face. Renaud’s eyes pop out of his head, as he knows that Kraps led the sex offender classes. “WHAT? HE CAN’T KNOW THAT I’M MAKING FETISH PORN WITH HIS DAUGHTER! He’ll banish me by the name of Jesus Sandals!”
At that moment, a character that resembled the Hoopla Fish from the regular series appeared and started screaming “HOOPLASS! HOOPLASS!” After this annoys Mr. Renaud, he throws a dildo at him, knocking him out. “Okay, Aidan, I put Hooplass in LIBB,” Dan says, as it cuts to him writing the episode. “Are you happy now?”
“Well let’s get it over with then! He should be gone for about a couple of hours. I heard he’s deepthroating Sheldon Bastard,” Pissing Pearl informs him. “I see… forget our porno! I need to get a piece of THAT action!” Renaud says as he goes out the door. But Pearl pisses on his back again as he slips on the ground. “Alright, fine, let’s make some piss porn.” The scene cuts to Pissing Pearl’s bedroom, which is covered in pictures of her pissing at random moments of her life. Mr. Renaud is setting up the camera as he removes his shirt. “Alright, remember Pearl - smile for the camera. Smile for the camera! Don’t pay attention to me shoving my hand down your panties and grabbing you by the pussy, like Trump does! Well, actually, do pay mind to it. Okay, let’s get- ah fuck.” Fatprick runs into the room just before they started shooting the film as he cowers behind a table. “Jesus christ, Fatprick, what happened?” Pissing Pearl says. “Ugh… I may or may not have overflooded your toilet.” “Oh, don’t worry, Fatprick. I do that all the time. I have to flush the toilet while I’m pissing so it doesn’t do that. Kind of like how Badlands Chugs does it!” “THE ONLY THING THAT SHOULD BE CHUGGING IS ME ON YOUR PISS!” Mr. Renaud yells. “Now let’s-“ he gets interrupted by Fatprick’s shit flowing into the room, as they all get covered by it.
The scene transitions into a clean room where Renaud and Pissing Pearl are setting up another scene. Fatprick is shown to be detained in the corner where his mouth is covered in duct tape. “No more distractions by the pink fatass. Although maybe we could put him to work with a kinky bondage session afterwards… hehehe.” Mr. Renaud begins to set it up again. “ALRIGHT! And… action!” Renaud runs into the shot where he lays on the ground in front of the camera “Come on, honey!” He instructs Pissing Pearl. However, she doesn’t seem to be able to piss. “What the hell? Piss on me, bitch!” He says again. “I can’t, she says, “nothing’s coming out!” The camera pans to Fatprick who somehow gets the tape off of his mouth and starts chugging melted ice cream cake. “What! Why not?” Mr. Renaud says. “My penis just got so incredibly flaccid.” “It was never hard in the first place!” Pearl corrects him. “Yeah, because you’re not a minor!” Pissing Pearl has a deadpan expression. “Wait,” she says in excitement, “something’s coming out!” “Oh yeah, baby! Slather it ALL over that camera!” However, out of Pissing Pearl’s spout, a bunch of red stuff comes out rather than yellow stuff. It splats all over the camera, as it cuts to an all red showing of the camera angle. “Uh… what was that?” Mr. Renaud says. However, Pissing Pearl jumps up in terror and runs over to the bathroom. “This can’t be happening!” She says, and starts covering her spout with a maxi pad. Mr. Renaud walks in, looking disappointed. “Well…” he says, but Pissing Pearl gives him the whole deal. “I just got my period! I can’t piss while I’m on my period!” “Just get off of it then!” “Mr. Renaud, do you know at all how females work?” “Well, yeah, for the most part, yeah. On the outside, at least.”
“Well, I can’t fulfill my fetish while I’m on my period. I can’t stop spouting blood!” At that moment, she starts bleeding all over the bathroom floor. “We’ll just have to suppress it! I’m good at that, unless I get caught.” “Mr. Renaud, how much illegal shit have you done in your life?” Pearl asks, continuing to bleed from her spout. “Not that much. It’s obviously not illegal if I don’t get caught.” “Whatever. My dad could be home about an hour from now, he have to film this quick!” Mr. Renaud starts thinking until he gets a big brain 5-head idea. “I know! Maybe we can die the blood yellow and pass it off as piss!” Pissing Pearl looks at him with a death stare, as Mr. Renaud looks down in shame. “You’re right, we’re gonna have to try harder than that. This is gonna be harder than my dick when I watch Sesame Skeet!”
After a few minutes, the two seem to already be stumped. “Well,” Pissing Pearl reasons, “maybe I’m not supposed to have sex while on my period.” But Mr. Renaud shakes his head. “Nonsense! All people are ready for sex the second they come out the womb. And that doesn’t ever expire!” “Well, what about when you die?” Pissing Pearl asks, continuing to bleed. “NO EXCEPTIONS!” Mr. Renaud makes clear, but then he thinks of an idea. “Wait! What if I finger you and force all the blood to come out! That should work.” “Well, I don’t…” Pissing Pearl begins. “TOO LATE! I won’t take no for an answer anyway.” Mr. Renaud is already in her spout and tries to soak up all the blood he can with a towel. However, the towel saturates completely, and he’s forced to resort to other extremes - drinking it. “What!” Mr. Renaud exclaims. “You want me to drink it? I was supposed to drink your piss!” Pissing Pearl shouts “It’s our only hope!” “Fine! But you have to give me an extra blowjob.” Fatprick comes back out of nowhere and adds on “extra ice cream cake!” Pissing Pearl accepts the offer as Mr. Renaud takes a big breath, but before he can start drinking it, the camera pans back outside of the anchor.
Mr. Kraps is stumbling back to the house as he seems to be half drunk. “Man, that day SUCKED! Why can’t that piece of shit SpongeCock flip a weed patty to save his life!” Mr. Renaud hears Kraps while he’s taking a big gulp of period blood. While spitting it out, he lets out a “Oh no! That stingy bastard can’t find out that I’m kablamming his daughter!” Pissing Pearl hears about this, but also sees that she isn’t bleeding anymore. “Hey! I must be off my period now! We can record our porno!” “Nice! But I can’t have your dad notice my lust for young lady sex.” He then turns to Fatprick, who’s in the corner eating his shit that he just crapped out. “Fatprick!” “HUH?! I wasn’t eating me shit!” He says, looking guilty. “No one cares about that! Go outside and distract that cheap bitch. I’ll pay you with a handjob.” “I don’t know Renaud… that’s Sully’s job.” “I do it better than your slimy squid! Now go keep him waiting.” Fatprick sighs and then jumps out the window to greet Mr. Kraps.
“Fatprick, what is your fatass doing at me house! You weren’t even at The Krusty Kock today to get your daily batch.” Mr. Kraps says, suspicious. “And where the hell is me keys!” “Oh, I ate them. Don’t worry, I shit them out already,” Fatprick assures him. “The pile’s inside.” Mr. Kraps has a deadpan expression as it cuts back into the anchor where Mr. Renaud and Pissing Pearl are moaning and giggling together behind a door. “Put that hot steamy stream all over me, baby!” Mr. Renaud says in a very horny tone. Pissing Pearl loudly spouts out a huge line of piss, as it cuts back outside to Kraps listening in. “That sounds awfully bad! And I know bad. Assy Cheeks had the fattest ass this morning!” Fatprick slaps Mr. Kraps across the face. “You pervert!” He yells. “By the way, your fridge didn’t have any ice cream cake in it. Restock that shit, capitalist!” Cutting back inside, Mr. Renaud and Pissing Pearl have just finished the porno as they are now laying in bed together.
“Now THAT was kinky! Trump is gonna LOVE this,” he says. “Yea-“ Pissing Pearl starts, but quickly starts to look down and sweat. “What’s wrong? Need another one?” he asks, but Pearl shushes him up. “It’s back,” she says. Mr. Renaud becomes shocked as a dildo falls out of his mouth. “Nice!” he giggles, referring to the dildo. “But wait, what? How is that possible? I cleaned you all the way out.” At the same time Pissing Pearl is trying to keep from busting her bloodstream, Mr. Kraps is fed up and has enough. “Eh, screw you, Fatprick. My baby girl’s in there!” He then charges Fatprick through the door as it breaks open. “Wow, that worked nice. Your fatass busted the door!” Kraps clarifies. “Now-“ before he can continue, his mouth gets stuffed with period blood, and so does the rest of the house. The whole place is flooded with Pissing Pearl’s blood, as it cuts to the bedroom. Mr. Renaud swims up above the blood and converses with Pearl. “Oh no! I’m gonna get exposed by your pedo-hating dad! Please say the film’s still here!” Pissing Pearl looks down and points to where she’s looking, while spouting out more blood. Mr. Renaud sees the camera fully drained in blood and torn apart, meaning the porno is lost forever. “NOOOOOO!” Renaud screams, but his scream signals Kraps to his room.
“YOU!” Kraps yells, as he magically drains all of the blood from the house. “What are you doing here, Paul! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY DAUGHTER!” “Well, Eugene, I had to make pee fetish porn! Just so Trump can pardon me.” Kraps facepalms and drags Pissing Pearl out. “Let me handle this, sweetie” he says, while he gives Renaud the death stare. “What made you think it was okay to make my girl bleed, forget have sex with her!” “She was on her period, Eugene! I swear!” “Uh huh, yeah. You proved me right, Paul. You’re a sex criminal. Go take your perverted camera and go get on your hands and knees for Trump. Good day,” he says, clearly pissed off. Mr. Renaud looks forlorn as he gets blasted out of the anchor by another blast of Pissing Pearl’s blood, which leads him back into the jail where he was at in the beginning.
 LATER THAT EVENING, AT THE WHITE HOUSE
Trump got ready to call Mr. Renaud again, as he was eagerly awaiting the piss porn. “Can’t wait to dive in!” He says, already getting hard by the thought of it. “Oh yeah. Let’s see if Paul kept his promise.” He dials the jail number, and Paul picks back up, where he’s shown to be back in his jail cell. “So, Paul, did you hold up your end of the deal?” Renaud giggles nervously as he then sighs afterwards. “Well…. I did, but then the film got destroyed by Bloody Mary, so to speak.” Trump’s jaw drops to floor. “WHAT! My penis just became flaccid. So flaccid. Like, you won’t even believe how flaccid it has become. It has never been so flaccid before. And it’s been flaccid a lot, before. Point is, Paul, you’re not getting pardoned.” Paul starts begging and nearly sheds a tear. “NO! Mr. President! Please think again! Check your mail!” Trump’s secretary brings him a package. “Here you go, Mr. President.” “Why, thank you Karen. Can’t wait to grab your ass later today.” He opens the package, which reveals to be Tyce+Travis: Naughty Boys In Bed. “Wow, it just got hard again! Paul, man, you sure know how to come through. I officially declare you PARDONED,” he declares, as Mr. Renaud pumps his fist in victory. “Oh yeah. Thank you so much, Mr. President! I can’t wait to get back to making sex videos in my classroom.” “Haha, neither can I,” Trump says, as the episode ends.
==Trivia==
*The title is a reference to the movie Bloody Sunday.
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