(S1) Chapter 21: Rush to the Altar of Gad

River parked Dababy car on the soft grass of the plains before the trees. They made it. The forest of Gad was right in front of them. The temple of Gad was finally in reach. Yet, they had to be quick, for it was also in reach of the universe’s greatest foe. The gang swiftly got out of the car and ran into the woods. 
King funnyverse rode on papaya182’s back while the rest of the gang ran throughout the forest. How? Doesn’t matter, they’re friends now so it works. The forest was thick and magically obscured the temple of Gad. They were lost, clueless as to where they or the temple was. Suddenly, something tackled Billy Mays. It snarled and tried to bite him, but he shoved it off and got up. It was Malg, the weird glitch thing that everyone tried to forget about. Even I forgot what this thing was. What was it again?
“Doesn’t matter, get back to writing you dunce.” Darknessreaper9 told me. Damn, fine. 
“I am stop you’s all so you get no to temple!” The creature declared. Nobody knew what the fuck it was saying though because none of them spoke broken English.
“The fuck did that thing just say?” Papaya182 asked, understandably confused. 
“No idea, lemme just…” Errrr404 charged his hand with energy and warped in front of Malg. Before malg could react, he slammed his first into the thing’s jaw, uppercutting it so hard that it flew to God knows where. 
“Shit, HAM has lackeys around making sure we don’t get to the temple first. He’s several steps ahead of us! We gotta go! Adam, you’re a Chad! Can you detect the temple?” Papaya182 frantically asked. Adam nodded and put a finger to his temples, trying to detect the Temple. He felt himself going…forward? 
“It’s forward. I can feel it! Let’s go!” Adam directed. The crew silently ran with him in the direction he pointed. They were too nervous to speak, they didn’t know if the omniverse was about to collapse or if they’d be victors and save the omniverse.
Just then though, a mighty- wait, what the fuck are they looking at? What am I looking at? What is this? It’s like, a disgusting combination between a dragon and a squid. What do I even call this? A dragqid? A squigon? Squigon sounds sillier, I’ll go with that. A massive squigon blocked the way. It didn’t really roar or anything though, it just looked hungry. 
“Greetings mortals, I am the mighty Squid dragon. I am very hungry, gib food.” The thing demanded simply. But oh no, the crew had nothing on them!
“We don’t uh…we don’t have anything.” Billy Mays responded. The squigon became annoyed and just pouted. “Well go and get me something, dammit! They ain’t got shit in this stupid forest. I can’t just go to the gas station either, I’ve got six hours till break. Get me something nowwwww!” The squigon whined, like a little bitch.
“Oh wait, I got some skittles on me” king funnyverse said, pulling them out of his pockets. He handed them to the creature, who then scarfed them down.
“Thanks kid, but I’M STILL HUNGRY, SO I’M EATING YOU GUYS NOW, HAW HAW HAW-“ the squigon’s maniacal laughter was cut short by king Funnyverse slapping him.
“Hey! I didn’t have to give you my skittles! I was gonna eat those as an energy snack! Give them back!” King Funnyverse said as he gut punched the Squigon. The Squigon instantly coughed up the skittles, which were all slimy and yucky ew ew ew, don’t touch that funnyverse. You’ll probably get super cancer or- wait no, I’m not making the return to freddy’s references, fuck that. 
“Ew, they’re all slimy. Fuck you man-“ King Funnyverse began complaining before his mom cut in. 
“LANGUAGE!” Cha cha interjected.
“Right, sorry momma. Frick you man, Spade Blasto!” King Funnyverse said as he held a hand up. Spades rained down on the Squigon. It let out a brief heavy from TF2 “I am dead” sound effect before falling over dead and dropping something Minecraft style. So much for an intense fight against an eldritch monster, I’m sure THAT won’t ever be a genuine thing in the next chapter (in the business, we call this foreshadowing).
https://youtu.be/zVoNlm_WC6w?si=2cXshQLcDUN77Ua1
Billy Mays picked up the map. It showed them the entirety of the forest, even the location of the temple. Better yet, it had a little marker indicating where the holder was. It was a minecraft map of the forest of Gad, how convenient! 
“Shows here that you were right Adam, it is ahead of us! Alright, full steam ahead crew!”
Errr404 summoned a blaster to ride swiftly to the temple. Just then, King Funnyverse had a brilliant idea. Using his chains on the large blaster, he summoned one for each person to hang onto on the blaster with. The crew was growing increasingly worried by the moment. Papaya182 was too scared to even complain. Errrr404, Ares, River, and Adam were all silent. King Funnyverse was shaking. Error and chacha looked around the forest, in search of anything else that would impede their way there when suddenly, a liquid landed on error’s face. When wiping it off, he realized it was…ink? He looked up and saw ink rocketing towards the blaster they were riding, his paintbrush in a slashing position.
Error scowled and turned to the crew. “Ink’s coming. I’ll handle him, you guys go!” Error demanded. The crew didn’t really have time to formulate a better plan or even object his, so they agreed. Error leapt off the blaster, with cha cha right behind him, readying to manifest whatever attack he could think of. In theory, the ability to summon any attack imaginable (in a cartoonish sense, at least) sounded unbeatable. But error lacked something that made it like that: creativity. 
Yet, he did have accuracy. Before ink could land his rocketing slash, error wrapped a string around ink’s ankle and slammed him into the ground. Error turned to chacha with a new idea for an attack. “Star Cha cha, uh…piston floor!” Error requested. Chacha nodded as a minecraft piston swiftly arose under ink, sending him back into the air. Error summoned a barrage of glitched bones above ink, all of which slammed down into him, rocketing him back down into ground. Damn, ink is just getting fucking Sora air-rag-dolled. 
An inky fist rose from the ground and upper cutted error, yet it didn’t really do much because ink can’t punch for Jack shit. Ink was initially shocked that his attack didn’t do anything, watching as error just glared back at him. He began hurtling orbs of ink at error, all of which just hit him and didn’t do shit because it’s fucking ink. Ink was getting desperate, he started summoning bones and blasters made of ink and pelted them at error. Yet all they really did was piss off error because he was covered in ink. Ink began questioning why he even initiated fights anymore considering all of his attacks were just made of fucking ink. “But enderrr, what if the ink is really hot or going really fast?” It’s still fucking ink, and error is practically a god so idk what the hell that’s even supposed to do against him.
“Buzz off, you’re just a thorn in my side.” Error insulted. This sent ink over the edge because he can’t take criticism. He instantly began frothing from the mouth. 
“HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME, I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I AM A VERY NICE GUY!!!! AND YOU’RE THE BAD GUY, YOU FUCKING JERK!!! THAT’S IT, I’M USING MY FINAL FORM! VERIFIED INK!!!!” monologued ink as he turned into a skeletal Wojak. He somehow how a neckbeard despite being  a skeleton in this form. Oh right, and he had a Twitter- sorry, I mean “X”- verified checkmark on his chest. Other than that, a really lazy form change. Nothing really changed that much appearance-wise.
“BEHOLD, MY TRUE POWE-“ Before ink could boast about his shitty new form, Error angrily screamed. There was so much tension between the universe collapsing and the utter necessity of his victory that he didn’t have time for his biggest annoyance having a form change. 
“I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIIIIS!! UNNAMEABLE CRUNCH!!” Error yelled. Instantly, a gaping, blue maw-like appendage shot out from his left eye, clamping onto ink so hard that it began causing cracks in his bones. Ink couldn’t move free, no matter how much he squirmed.
“GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SIGHT!!! UNNAMEABLE PUNCH!!” Error yelled as a large, blue fist came from his right eye. The appendage from his left eye let go of ink long enough for the blue fist to punch ink so far that just like Malg, he was at a distance that rendered him utterly irrelevant. The appendages sunk back into error’s eye sockets, with his normal eyes returning shortly after. Cha cha stared in disbelief, she’d never seen Error do that before.
“Y-you could do that the entire time?!” Cha cha asked, surprised. Error just smiled and reclined back on the tree behind him. 
“Yeah, I learned how to do a few things after this one time ink no-clipped me into the Backrooms.” Error explained simply. “I don’t know if you ever heard of that annoying mini-Cthulhu thing from the Backrooms, but it kept asking me to join his cult and tried to duke it out with me when I turned it down. I beat him in a fist fight and absorbed his soul, somehow gaining these eldritch powers. He was this weird thing called an unnameable apparently, whatever that’s all about. I will say though, using unnameable powers kind of hurts, so I don’t really use it that much.” 
“Right…thanks for the exposition dump. Alright, we should probably get back to the main crew.” Cha cha suggested. 
“Alright. Star cha cha, teleport.” Error requested.
“Wouldn’t kill you to say please.” Chara said jokingly.
“Right, sorry. Just a little tense from this situation. Star cha cha, PLEASE teleport.” Error said, correcting himself and NOT dying.
||| Too tense for a comedic transition |||
Error rejoined the crew on the blaster. “Hey guys, I’m back. Ink didn’t put  up much of a fight. Shocker, right? Anyways, how close are we to the temple?” Asked error. Errrr404 showed him the map. They were extremely close. As a matter of fact, they could see the temple right in front of them. How convenient. Errrr404 slowed down the blaster until they were able to hop off. He de-summoned the blaster and motioned for them all to follow them into the temple. “ALRIGHT, WE’RE ALMOST THERE!” Errrr404 exclaimed, a little hopeful. Just then though, Jerma and mod stepped outside the temple. 
“Shit, not these two again…” River groaned. Mod wielded his iron keyboard, ready to wack them with it. Energy radiated around Jerma, as his face twisted into the signature smile in that one meme everyone associated with among us. 
“You two made it pass Malg and ink…which honestly really isn’t a surprise if I’m being entirely honest, those two were weak. To be fair, mod’s kinda weak too so I’m a little bummed out I had to do this with HIM.” Jerma said, being brutally honest as ever. Mod scowled at him.
“Ok, listen up. You, Error, and Lancer go into the temple. Me, Harrus, and dad got this one, alright?” Planned Adam. It sounded like a pretty solid plan, so the gang split up, with errr404 shoving past Jerma and mod into the temple. Before the villains could chase after them though, they were met with attacks from Harrus and River that they had to block.
||| Back to the Crew |||
Errrrr404 sprinted through the towering, elegant stone halls of the temple. Pillars that looked like dumbbells stood tall on the sides of the wall, hopefully not hiding another one of HAM’s goons behind them. After rushing pass several rooms and halls, there was a noticeably high opening in the ceiling above, as if it went past the clouds of whatever realm they were in. They noticed a series of upward-sloping platforms that one could jump up to, eventually reaching the top after a series of hops. There we no stairs or lifts to the top, so they were gonna have to climb up. And no, they aren’t teleporting. That’s lazy.
Errr404 leapt up to a platform, with Cha Cha and Lancer following him. Papaya182 summoned bones for them to step on to help them climb up better. Suddenly, a massive spider-like skeleton lowered down onto the platform ahead of them. Oh fuck, it’s Unstable. He’s a spider now? How? 
“HUHAHAHAHA, HELLO AGAIN LOSERS!! I’M HERE FOR MY REVE-“ without a thought, King Funnyverse broke the skeleton apart with his chains, causing unstable to fall apart like a dry bones…because let’s be real, unstable is just the murder time trio in terms of power, he didn’t stand a chance. He managed to reform himself though, somehow reclaiming his humanoid build. He had a red glow too.
“NO! I’M TOO DETERMINED TO-“ aaaand he got broken apart again. This time it was due to Billy Mays hitting it with a bat. Poor unstable doesn’t stand a chance. One of the arms in the heap of bones unstable became suddenly revealed something…oh fuck, it’s a bottle of rare candies! How did he get those?! The arm holding the bottle shoved it into the skull, letting it eat the contents of bottle…and the glass bottle itself, ow. 
Unstable sprung up again, now with a really long neck and an axe for an arm for some reason. Above him flared the words, in red, “LEVEL 99.” Unstable grinned confidently, feeling as though he could possibly win this time.
“Haw haw haw, maybe NOW you’ll listen to me! I now have the power of a god in my hands, there is nothing you can do to stop me!” Unstable boasted. Papaya182 began losing his patience and summoned one of this bone hammers, which he then WHAMMED into unstable. However, unstable didn’t break this time. He did tumble back though and struggled to get up.
“S-see? I’M STILL STANDING, I’M JUST AS POWERFUL AS-“ oh for fuck’s sake, can they just let the poor guy finish a line for once? King Funnyverse  was charging his bike ram while they were breaking unstable apart. He rammed into unstable so hard that he…rocketed off, like every lackey in this episode. Maybe I’ll make a joke where they all end up in the same place, who knows. 
“Good one, sport.” Errrr404 said, praising lancer. Lancer did a quick bow as he got off his bike. “Alright, we’re almost there I think. Let’s get going again!” Billy Mays declared. The crew nodded and began leaping up the platforms again.
||| Let’s check in on Adam and River |||
“You know, I forget sometimes just how many of you assholes are with Errrr404. It really annoys me, you know? REALLY annoys me. But whatever, it doesn’t matter now. HAM is already in the temple room with azathoth, it’s too late. The omniverse will…well, the goals of HAM never were consistent, no matter how hard I tried to help him make them be. I at least have a feeling Azathoth’ll pull through FOR that idiot, so I’m not letting you pass.” Jerma said, monologuing because he was intimidating enough to do so. 
“Do you even know what Azathoth wants? Because as far as everyone else knows, he hasn’t told a single soul what he wants with the omniverse, he just wants it.” Adam asked. Jerma scratched his head. In all honesty, no, he didn’t. 
“No, I don’t. He’s never told me why he wants to be king of the Omniverse, but I trust Azathoth. He gave me a new purpose. I was stuck in a universe plagued by unfunny among us memes and their deity, the imposter. Yet with the help of Azathoth, I put that fucker to rest and sapped its powers. I don’t know what he wants, but I’m in debt to him so again, I’m not letting you pass.” Jerma said sternly. Jerma seemed more powerful this time around. It wasn’t just his new “form” that made it feel that way. His smile was just so unnerving that it warped the reality around him.
“Well then I’m sorry Jerma, but you leave us with no choice!” Adam responded, as he hurled a heavy dumbbell at Jerma. Jerma grabbed mod and moved him in front of him, using him as a meat shield. This was much to mod’s dismay, as despite how obese he was, the dumbbell still hurt a little after bouncing off of him.
“HEY! WUT WUZ ZSCHAT FOR?!?!?” Mod whined. 
“We talked about this, you idiot. Your stomach has reflective properties. You’ve essentially lost all other powers aside from that after these three beat you last time.” Jerma explained. Mod grumbled and pouted, now realizing that he was just brought along as a meat shield.
“Hiding behind an impenetrable wall? How cowardly!” River insulted. Jerma ignored the insult and threw vampire knives at the crew from behind mod, causing the crew to scramble around avoiding them. One caught River in the side, cutting his cloak a little. The cut revealed his massive dad shotgun hidden in his cloak, which he forgot he had for a while. He snatched it out of his cloak and began rapidly firing at mod. Although most bullets hit mod’s stomach, a few hit his arms, causing his grip on his iron keyboard to loosen. 
“Adam, I have a plan. You and River distract Jerma, I’ll take this behemoth down.” Harrus offered. River and Adam both nodded and sprinted to the sides of mod. Jerma pelted more knives at them, all of which were either swatted away by one of Adam’s dumbbells or countered by river’s shotgun blasts. Harrus summoned his electrical spear and rushed at mod, who lifted his iron keyboard above his head and readied to slam it down on harrus. Harrus leapt up high and jammed his spear into the back of keyboard, giving him enough leverage to spin and deliver a thunderous kick to the back of mod’s head. Mod staggered, trying to maintain his consciousness from the kick.
Harrus wasted no time and instantly jumped up, hurtling explosive orbs of energy at mod’s arms, weakening them enough to cause him to finally drop his keyboard. Despite this damage though, mod still stood. He seemed to be pulling at straws though, as now all he could do was wield the power of his disgusting odor into a blast. Harrus countered this blast with a laser from his third eye. Harrus manifested a mighty bolt of lightning in his hand that he aimed at mod’s feet. He then threw the bolt so hard that mod didn’t even have time to react to the blast. The burst of energy was enough to cause mod to finally topple over, blowing the still distracted Jerma’s cover.
Harrus knew mod was a tank, so he wasn’t even going to try killing him. Instead, he’d have to throw him so far away that he wouldn’t be able to be a meat shield anymore…and probably end up in the same place as ink, Malg, and Unstable. Harrus got under mod and began trying to lift him. Mod was heavy as shit though, so he started to struggle. After an intense amount of a-button mashing, harrus was able to lift mod up and throw him out of orbit. The only thing blocking their entry to temple now was Jerma. Jerma stopped throwing vampire knives at the crew and teleported back to the entryway to the temple, posing menacingly.
“Fuck’s sake, knew that damn boulder wouldn’t hold. That’s fine though. That’s just fine. I have another trick up my sleeve. Let’s see if you can survive THIS!” Jerma said, as his already disturbing grin grew anomalously more unnerving. The reality around them grew yet more distorted, with the colors around them becoming “deep fried.” An odd sense of fear and panic hung around the area, causing harrus, River, and Adam to get into a more defensive position. Jerma began to levitate and lift his arms into the air, summoning a plethora of gleaming red rings behind him. The rings began spinning rapidly and rushed directly at the crew. Although the crew moved out of the way, the rings came back and hit them in the backs, causing them all to fall over. 
Suddenly, iron-tubes started to creep out of Jerma’s back. Inside of the tubes were spinning razors blades. “If I chop you up in a meat grinder, and the only thing that comes out, that's left of you, is your eyeball―you're probably dead!" Jerma said, as the tubes grossly extended towards the crew. Adam grabbed one of the tubes before it could slice him up, holding it away from him to prevent the blade from reaching out and cutting him. Harrus used telekinesis to hold the others away. Adam yanked the tube he was holding, bringing Jerma right to him. 
Adam delivered a punch to Jerma’s gut that SHOULD HAVE been fatal, but Jerma didn’t even budge. Instead, Jerma head-butted adam, sending him flying back. River pulled the trigger on his shotgun, firing a spray of bullets at Jerma. But it was no use; Jerma masterfully deflected every single bullet at incomprehensible speeds. A meat grinder appendage wrapped around river’s leg, cutting it a bit and tripping him. Ares surrounded himself with electricity and OP!energy, which increased his senses and acted as a damaging aura. He zinged over to Jerma, readying to stab Jerma in the chest.
Harrus was surprised when Jerma grabbed his spear and jerked it out of his hand before he could even dash at him. Jerma worked at lightning speed to whack harrus in the face with his own spear so hard that it snapped in two. Harrus fell backwards and hit his head on the hard stone below him. When he opened his eyes, he saw Jerma was about to plunge the spear head into his third eye. Harrus rolled over to evade the stab and teleported back up. Jerma dropped the broken spear and kicked adam- who was preparing a surprise attack- in the stomach, making him fly backwards again. 
“Give it up! I have the power of an unnameable in my veins! You lot don’t stand a chance!” Jerma taunted. Harrus lobbed a thunderbolt at Jerma, which was caught. Jesus Christ, Jerma is just going ultra instinct. Jerma spun around and threw the thunderbolt back at harrus. The bolt exploded and made harrus fly back into Adam, who was already struggling to get up. More meat grinder tendrils slithered out of the back of Jerma as he crossed his arms and levitated above the battered crew. They couldn’t stop this thing…unless…
“Wait, harrus, dad, remember what we did with mod?” Adam asked. Some chapters ago, the three of them were tasked with fighting mod to fix the omniverse’s wifi. When mod proved to be too much, they all fused and formed a being known as OP!Gigadad, or OGD for short. This seemed like a good time for them to fuse into the being again, things were getting desperate after all. 
“Right! Yeah! I remember we fused and became the OP Gigadad. I think it’s time we do that again!” River suggested. Cue powers combined. The three of them did the super special, mega secret, triple-bro handshake, causing them to all gleam and combine into the almighty OP!GIGADAD! A rush of energy followed the fusion, causing Jerma to stumble a bit. The fusion created a blast that made Jerma shield his face. 
“Behold, it is I- no, we! The OP!GIGADad! With our combined strength, we shall get pass you!” The OGD declared. Jerma laughed as he pulled a pistol out of his pocket.
“Hah, we’ll see about that!” Jerma snarled back. He fired the pistol at the OGD, only for OGD to deflect it with his heightened instincts. Now HE’s got ultra instinct, swell. Jerma sighed and threw the pistol aside.
“Alright, not my best idea. Probably would have worked better if you three were separated. Whatever though, I don’t need a gun to beat you.” Jerma boasted. Distortions wavered around Jerma’s legs and arms, aiding him in incomprehensible ways. Jerma cracked his knuckles and neck, the ultimate preparation for any showdown. OP!Gigadad prepared by simply cracking his back and getting into a fighting stance.
The two instantly rushed at each other, punches ready. Their fists collided, causing a shockwave of power. Jerma unleashed a flurry of inconceivably fast punches, all of which were met by an equal block speed by OGD. OGD looked for a weakness in Jerma’s punch pattern, and after a few seconds, saw an opportunity to right-hook. OGD wasted no time and slammed his fist into the side of Jerma’s face. Jerma stumbled to the left, recovering from the blow.
OGD forced his iron knees into Jerma’s stomach and brought both of his metallic fists down on his head, knocking him to the ground. Jerma zinged away and summoned his red rings of madness. The army of them began to spin and instantly jolted towards OGD. The rings were oddly fast and struck the OGD before he even had time to react. OGD was smart though and knew they would come back from behind, so he turned around and arched back, allowing the rings to zing right over him. Jerma collected the rings and mashed them all into one giant ring.
“DODGE THIS!” Jerma yelled. Jerma spun around then hurled the giant ring at OGD. OGD leapt up onto the ring. The OGD took out a Golden dumbbell and slammed it into the ring, causing it to shatter with a blast of red smoke. Through the smoke, Jerma ran through and punched the OGD in the gut. The OGD responded by bringing the dumbbell down on Jerma’s head, stunning him. He grabbed jerma by the leg, spun him around, and after becoming a whirlwind of utter energy, let go, sending Jerma crashing through multiple trees. Jerma sprung up and began spamming vampire knives rapidly at him, which caught the OGD by surprise.
The knives cut the OGD a little, causing him to stagger a bit. Jerma was rapidly circling the OGD, trying to disorient him. Yet the OGD had a plan. He reached into his cloak and pulled out the almighty GOLDEN MINIGUN and immediately started firing at the blur Jerma became. Jerma managed to dodge the line of fire for a few seconds, but the OGD’s aim caught up and hit him, dealing severe damage. While Jerma was stopped, the OP!Gigadad smacked Jerma with the gun, which somehow hurt even more than the bullets. 
Jerma began to feel his consciousness faltering. He had to act quick. He had to use a final attack. Jerma teleported a distance away and began gathering energy. The OGD realized what was going on and pressed a button on the golden minigun, causing it to switch to gauntlet mode. That’s right, the gun became a fucking gauntlet that can be propelled by its own gunfire. “IS THAT A RWBY REFERENCE??!?!?!” No, shut the fuck up. 
Shockwaves of distortion radiated out of Jerma, causing the OGD to have to crouch a little to maintain balance. An incomprehensible amount of meat grinder tubes sprung out of Jerma’s back like a mess of wires and began to rocket towards the OGD. The OGD jumped on one of the tubes and ran on it like a platform. As more tubes shot out at him, he hopped onto to other ones in the mess of tubes, evading razor sharp cuts and jabs from other tubes. Jerma grew increasingly desperate to keep the OGD away, so he summoned his red rings of madness to try and hit him.
The OGD was getting very close to Jerma. The rings only acted as minor obstacles by now, he was too determined to get this finishing hit in. He leapt into the air and used the gun-gauntlet to zing through it, rapidly evading the rings. Jerma condensed the tubes into a conglomeration of rugged metallic scrap that wrapped around his fist like one giant glove. The OGD flew towards Jerma, accelerating himself with the gun gauntlet. The gun gauntlet and tube glove collided, causing a struggle of utter force. The victor of this struggle would be determined by who could exert the most force.
Jerma was channeling all of his energy into forcing his fist forward, and for a while, was doing so. But OGD quickly objected with even quicker gunfire, to the point where it just became a circle of fire and explosions. The struggle was intense, both were trying to force their fists forward. The two were exerting so much force that they were practically just screaming like DBZ characters now. The force they were exerting literally destroyed the forest around them, shit was getting wild. 
“I WON’T LET YOU TAKE THE OMNIVERSE, RAAAAGGGHHH!!!!” The OGD roared as he finally gained the upper hand. The gunfire from the gauntlet became a bright wall of explosions and sheer energy, propelling forward and causing the meat tube glove to shatter. The OGD moved the gauntlet to Jerma’s stomach, allowing him to rocket Jerma into the ground at the speed of light. The force of the punch was so powerful that the OGD shoved Jerma through the center of the fucking planet. When they reached the other end of the planet, the gunfire subsided and the OGD removed the gauntlet, reverting it back to a gun.
Jerma laid there, unable to even move his legs. His unnerving grin was gone and he was back to normal. The OGD towered over Jerma and crossed his arms. “Are you done?” The OGD asked simply. Jerma coughed as he struggled to force himself to speak.
“Yeah, fine, you won. What….what do you gain from this? Azathoth is going to…fix…this shitty omniverse. You’re only doing harm…by impeding his mission.” Jerma painfully wheezed. 
“The omniverse belongs to no one Jerma. It belongs to us all. Azathoth is the god of chaos, is he not? I know he gave you anything imaginable, but you have to understand that under his rule, utter chaos would ensue. You can’t just devote yourself to people because they give you whatever you want, you have to devote yourself to someone you know has a heart of gold and wants nothing but good for everything, even you.” The OGD said. Jerma scoffed diverted his eyes away from the OGD. The OGD had a point, he only liked azathoth because he gave him powers. Azathoth was cold, he didn’t really care about Jerma. He gave Jerma a morally inept reason to exist. He realized this for the first time in centuries. And he felt bad.
“It’s too late now, you three. I’ve already become a monster devoted to the nuclear chaos himself. There’s no returning from that, so just pelt me out of orbit already and get this over with.” Jerma demanded sadly. But OGD didn’t do that. For once, a villain isn’t blasting off like team rocket in this chapter. Instead, the OGD reached out his hand to help Jerma up. Jerma was confused by this. Why was the thing he just tried to kill helping him? Jerma also realized that the OGD’s guard was down. Now would be the perfect time to attack. Yet, he didn’t want to do that. For once, he wanted to do something…good? The side of good introduced a special warmth that he never felt when working with azathoth. And he liked that.
Jerma grabbed OGD’s hand and was hoisted up. The OGD bro-hugged Jerma and patted him on the shoulder. “You have a redeemable soul Jerma. Join us and help us save the omniverse.” The OGD offered. Jerma contemplated the offer, not because he disagreed with the OGD, but because he was scared of azathoth. He always saw this odd power in the protagonists though. If anyone could stop azathoth it’d be them, he thought. 
“Alright, I’ll join you guys. Let’s save the omniverse.” Jerma replied. The OGD smiled and dabbed up Jerma. “Atta boy! Let’s go stop that ball of tentacles!” The OGD snapped and teleported them to errrr404, lancer and error. 
||| In the Temple |||
Billy Mays, lancer, and Error finally made it to the top of the platforms. They took a seat for a moment, panting. That was a fuck ton of platforms to jump up. Even papaya182 and cha cha were exhausted, despite being ghosts. They all took a breather, which was promptly interrupted by the OGD and Jerma warping in front of them. 
“Wuh? Who are yo- OH FUCK, IT’S JERMA!” Errrrr404 summoned some blasters and pointed them at Jerma. The OGD jumped in front of Jerma and un-fused back into Adam, harrus, and River.
“Woah woah woah, chill chill! It’s just us! Don’t worry about Jerma, he’s chill now.” Adam replied. Errrr404 was confused.
“Jerma’s chill now? Why? Also, why were you three fused? What happened out there?!” Errr404 asked, viciously confused.
“Oh right, for come context behind what you just saw, OP!Gigadad was a fusion me, harrus, and dad did in that one episode where we stopped mod from fucking up the omniverse’s wifi. You weren’t really there to see it though so yeah, it kinda just remained something only we knew about. Also, Jerma was never evil per say, he just needed a real homie.” Adam replied. Errrr404 scratched his head.
“Well, that’s awfully convenient…but I don’t have time to complain about the logistics of this plot line and character redemption, the omniverse is most likely on the verge of collapsing. We gotta get to the main room pronto! You were already there, what’s waiting for us Jerma?” Papaya182 asked.
“Right, there’s three trials. The first is a Pokémon battle against the temple guardian. The second is to lift a weight about as heavy as the reader’s mother. The third and final trial is the hardest, you gotta turn down the very thing you desire the most.” Jerma explained. The crew seemed confident. The trials didn’t sound TOO bad. Harrus, Adam, and Errr404 all had Pokemon. When was that established? Never, but it’s on their wiki pages, and we all know by now that to understand the plot of a story, you have to read wiki pages first. The weight sounded heavy but liftable. And the final trial? That should just require a little bit of will power, right?
“Alright, thanks. Let’s go.” Errrr404 said, pointing to massive doorway on the opposing side of the room. The crew rushed into the other room, being greeted with a battle arena and towering, buff knight. The knight had 3 pokeballs on his belt. Two were normal red ones, the other a master ball. The master ball felt oddly intimidating. What the hell could be in it?
“Greetings temple wanderers. I am the Ripped Obligatory Guardian, executor of the first trial of the temple of Gad. In order to proceed, you must defeat me in a Pokémon battle.” The knight declared. Harrus stepped forward, sending out his luxray. 
“I’ll challenge you.” Harrus declared.
“Very well, let the battle begin!” The obligatory temple guardian replied. He sent out a golurk. Wuh-oh, type disadvantage. This can’t be good. Luxray was faster by default and used crunch, which was super effective and cut golurk to 1/9th of its HP. I’m sorry if you were expecting an intense Pokémon battle, but let’s be real here. Using game logic, this battle would be done in like three minutes. The chapter’s getting long enough anyways. Golurk used earthquake, which was super effective and caused Luxray to faint. Harrus sent out his next pokemon: electivire. Electivire used ice punch, which hit golurk like a fuckin freight train. 
The next Pokémon was Ceruledge. Ceruledge used bitter blade, which hurt electivire a bit, but harrus wasn’t stupid and taught his electivire how to use earthquake, which completely tanked the poor ceruledge’s health. The knight grabbed the intimidating master ball. It radiated with an odd energy that intimidated everyone, even me. When he threw the ball, it was revealed that none other than fucking choice band scizor was in there. That may not sound like much, but take this into perspective: three swords dances + choice band + mega evolution + just about any move after that = some OP shit.
“Fuck, he’s a competitive player…” harrus remarked. None of electivire’s moves really did much against scizor, and scizor just used roost to recover its HP after its swords dance spam. And then came the mega evolution. Intimidating music blared as scizor began to glow and mega evolve. From the orb of energy, mega scizor burst out with an x-scissor that utterly obliterated electivire. Now it was time for Harrus’s last Pokémon: zekrom. He sent out zekrom and hoped to God that it’d pull him through. The knight got lucky because scizor did NOT choose to keep using x scissor, instead going in for a bullet punch. The legendary Pokémon took the hit, flinching a bit. And this is where I transition over to the lore department of things in Pokémon. Yeah, I’m swapping the logic now. It’s my story and I do what I want, fuck you.
Zekrom’s tail glowed blue as it charged fusion bolt. Just then, zekrom was engulfed in a blue orb of electrical energy. It rushed at scizor and hit it so hard that it was reduced to 1/4th of its HP. Scizor desperately went in for another bullet punch, but was met with an unmoving dragon that simply flinched at the strike. The dragon then smited the poor thing with thunder, ending the battle. Harrus won and earned [insert big ass number here] Pokédollars or whatever the fuck the currency in the games was, I forgot. 
“Congratulations, you have passed the first trial, you may now pass.” The temple guardian said, opening the massive door behind him for the crew.   The crew rushed into the second trial room. It was a relatively small room (in comparison to the previous ones at least) that had a single dumbbell on the floor. The infinity symbol was marked on each dumbbell. It looked heavy. Really heavy.
Errrr404 stepped up and tried to lift it with his right arm. It didn’t even budge. He changed positions and tried again. Not even a slight movement. He tried both hands. He couldn’t even push it. Papaya182 tried to help, but it did nothing. Your mother just weighed too much. 
“Here, let me help dad!” King Funnyverse offered, chiming in. He summoned chains that he wrapped around the dumbbell to try and lift it. But they did nothing to help and broke. 
“It can’t be THAT heavy. Here, let me try.” Error said. Errrrr404 stepped aside to let Error give it a shot. Error cracked his knuckles and wrapped his hands around the dumbbell. He lifted up at full force, yet the thing wouldn’t even budge.
“Shit, this thing IS heavy. Star cha cha, unmatched strength…please.” Error asked politely. Cha cha nodded and snapped, granting error temporary super strength. And yet it did diddly shit. Error grunted as he tried to lift the dumbbell, not even moving the damn thing. He even made the unnameable arm come out of his eye again to try and lift it, only mildly pushing it. Ignoring the initial shock of seeing error have a massive fucking arm come out of his eye socket, everyone groaned at the inability to move this damn thing. River and harrus tried next. It didn’t work. 
While this was all happening, Adam was just warming up by lifting his own dumbbells. He put them down and walked to the worn out crew. “Hey sorry, was warming up. Let me just curl my weights one more time before giving it a shot, mk?” Adam requested. He effortlessly picked up his dumbbell- oh? Wait, that’s- THAT’S THE SPECIAL DUMBBELL. Oh my God, Adam just effortlessly lifted the weight of your mother, holy shit! What a fucking champ! The door to the third trial instantly opened as everyone’s jaw dropped.
“Oh sorry, wrong dumbbell. Honestly, a little too light for me to work with. At least we got the door open though.” Adam said. 
“I would say I’m surprised, but honestly, I’m not. I expected nothing less from you bro, thanks.” Errr404 said. The two fist bumped and moved onto the next room. The door slammed shut behind them, leaving them all in darkness. 
“Alright, this one’s a test of will. Stay focused guys, ok?” Errrr404 asked. He got no reply though, only silence in the darkness. “Guys?” Silence again. It appears as though the room was magical and separated them into their own sectors. On that note, I will separately describe each person’s test, starting with River.
River found himself on a boat. It wasn’t a fancy yacht, but it wasn’t a rag-tag wooden boat. It was a shrimp boat. He looked to his sides and saw his two sons, Adam and Errrr404. They were both holding the ends of a net, trying to pull it in. “Dad, these fish are giving us a hassle, we need a hand!” Errrr404 asked. They were out fishing, like he always wanted. Despite their struggle, his boys were smiling, enjoying themselves. With him. It was all he ever wanted. Yet, he knew it was a test. 
River mustered up the willpower to say “I’m sorry, but no, this isn’t real.” The fake versions of Adam and Billy scowled and disappeared, revealing that it was all just an illusion. River found himself in an absolutely massive room on a platform hanging from chains on the ceiling. Around him was the rest of the crew, unconscious. They were all in their own trials.
||| Dekios’s Test |||
When Papaya182 opened his eyes, he was a normal Papyrus. He didn’t have a stupid other name, he was just Papyrus. He was the Papyrus of a very well rewrite of Alphatale directed by none other than my homie Darknessreaper9. It was all he ever wanted. A serious, well-versed story that made sense. Yet with a scowl, he just said oh “oh fuck you, get me out of here. I know this is fake.” And just like that, he was ripped away from it. He was in the chamber with River.
||| Error’s Test |||
When Error opened his eyes, he found himself in high school again. There was no ink in sight to ruin his days, no ink to send him to the Backrooms and annoy him. Was he finally getting the chance to relive his ruined childhood? He never had the chance to have a normal childhood, because ink made sure to make it hell. Additionally, ink made him no clip into the Backrooms for a long year. But now, he could start all over again. All the chaos of this entire journey was just a very slight possibility of a chaotic future at this very moment. Sure, he wouldn’t have the friends he had now, but he could change his life. He could finally start a normal life and get a normal job.
But it was fake. And he knew that. He ignored the current lecture going on in the math class he eas placed in. He got up and walked out, muttering the words “I know this is fake.” And just like that, he joined River and Papaya182 in the chamber.
||| Lancer’s Test |||
When Lancer opened his eyes, he saw HAM in a jail cell. People were praising him. “You did it lancer! You saved the omniverse! You’re our hero!” They chanted. Best of all, his mom and dad were hugging him, telling him how proud they were of him. He noticed he was wearing a Batman costume. This was his dream, to be a superhero. For a moment, he was ready to accept this all as real. It was his dream since he was little after all. But he remembered three important things: One, it was fake. Two, he already was a superhero. I mean heck, he helped his dad fight villains, didn’t he? He was on a journey to save the entire omniverse, a task only for real superheroes. And third, he knew that cha cha and errrr404 were already proud of him. His parents loved him. He knew that.
“Thanks, but I’m already a hero. This isn’t real anyways.” King Funnyverse said. The illusion faded and he woke up to find River sitting next to him, reloading his shotgun. “Oh, ‘morning little buddy. What did you see?” River asked him. King Funnyverse sighed and looked at the floor. Sure, he just told himself that he was already a hero and that his parents loved him, but did they really? Was he really a hero? Or did he tell himself that just to get out of the illusion?
“I was a superhero, grandpa. You guys were all cheering for me. I saved everyone from HAM. Mom and dad were hugging me and telling me how proud they were of me. I really wish it was a reality though…” king Funnyverse said, with a sigh. River picked up lancer and gave him a hug.
“But it is, little buddy. You ARE a super hero. You helped us tackle all kinds of bad guys. You even helped us get all the way here, becoming saviors of the omniverse and allat. How many kids your age do that?” River asked with a smile. Lancer smiled a bit, but he still had one question in mind. Were his parents really all that proud of him? Did they love him? Sure, they took him under their wing and hugged him. But in all the chaos, they never really got to bond as a family per say. If they ever got through this, would they?
“Yeah, but do you think mom and dad are proud of me? Do you think we would be a happy family, grandpa ?” King Funnyverse asked River.
“I know they are! They may not say it, but I assure you once we’re done with all this chaos, they’ll be praising you. And I see a wonderful family coming from this. You know, I never would have thought your dad would get here when I saw him as a teen, but let me tell you, he really grew. He changed. And because of that, I see a nuclear family coming from you three after all this smoke clears.” River said. Lancer smiled and hugged his grandpa.
“Thanks paw paw.” King Funnyverse said. River patted lancer on the back and set him down. 
“You’re welcome, sport.”
||| Chara’s Test |||
When Cha cha woke up, she was at a restaurant with the crew plus a few extra people, like frisk (who was noticeably calmer and less emo) and Harley Quinya. She was sitting next to Errrr404, who had a ring on his finger that was identical to one she noticed she was wearing. Everyone was happy and congratulating the two a “happy anniversary.” Best of all, they were all getting along too. Even frisk was calm. Lancer sat on her right, chowing down on some steak and talking with papaya182 about some random nerd shit. It was perfect. It was peaceful. It was the life she desired to have at some point.
But it wasn’t a reality. Not yet, at least. And she acknowledged that. Whenever Adam congratulated them on “two years of a strong relationship,” she said “thanks, but this isn’t a thing…yet.” And just like that, her illusion faded too. She woke up and saw king Funnyverse, error, and River playing Go fish. She got up and sat next down to them, joining the game. 
“Momma…are you proud of me?” King Funnyverse asked as he took a card out of the Go fish pile. Cha cha smiled and hugged lancer.
“Of course I am, sweetie. I’m so sorry I haven’t made that apparent enough. I don’t know how you’re my child, but if the omniverse declares you as such then you are, and I’ll always love you and be proud of you.” Cha cha said. How touching.
“Can me, you, and dad be a family when this is all over momma?” King Funnyverse asked innocently. Cha cha thought for a bit. The question even got Papaya182’s attention, who was sitting next to an unconscious Errrr404. After traveling with him and seeing him be a good father, she didn’t see why not. Billy Mays did become a rather upstanding person that she no longer pitied and instead genuinely liked after all.
“Of course, lancer. Of course we can.”
||| Adam’s “Test” |||
Adam opened his eyes and saw…nothing. Or well, he saw the Obligatory ripped temple guardian again, but he was just staring at piece of paper, confused. 
“In all honesty, I don’t really know what trial to give you. Like, you want a new gym, right?” The knight asked.
“Nah, got one at home. Wanna come by some time?” Adam asked.
“No thanks. Uh, you want a brand new, fresh Betatale, don’t you?” The knight asked.
“Nah, we’re gonna get to that ourself. Thanks for the offer though.” Adam replied.
“Shit uh…a girlfriend?” The knight asked, now utterly clueless what to even test Adam with.
“I’m alright, not interested in allat right now.” Adam replied. The knight sighed and summoned a door.
“Alright, you don’t need a test. You can go now.” The obligatory temple guardian said. Adam gave him a thumbs up and went through the door, regaining his consciousness. He joined the Go fish game with the rest of the crew. 
||| Harrus’s Test |||
Harrus woke up in his old world. HIS Betatale timeline. There, he saw his mother. She was hugging him. 
“I’m so sorry for never giving you the attention you needed. I was such a terrible mother to you and Jasús. But I’m here now. I’m here now and I promise I’ll never leave you two again.” The illusion promised. Harrus knew it was fake, but he always wanted a relationship with his mother. He longed for one for ages. It kept him up at night sometimes. It all felt so real to him at that moment too. When he looked over his shoulder, he saw something that made his heart drop. It was Jasús. Not HAM, but Jasús. He didn’t look malnourished or hurt either. He looked happy.
“Hey bro, it’s me. Sorry for all the ruckus, you wanna go chill at the movie theater?” Jasús asked. A tear streamed down from harrus’s third eye. The only thing he wanted more than a relationship with his mother was for his little brother back. He missed Jasús and wanted to dig him right out of the monster that was HAM. But this was all an illusion that he had to walk away from. And that hurt just as much as knowing that after he’s open his eyes, his mother wouldn’t come rushing to him with a hug, or he wouldn’t be able to go watch a movie with Jasús. Harrus cleared his throat, readying his reply.
“No. I’m sorry, this isn’t real. I have to save the omniverse so that MAYBE it can be real…” Harrus replied sadly. And then the illusion subsided. When he awoke, harrus went to sit by himself, with nothing but his longing for a stable family.
||| William’s Test |||
Finally, the last trial. Errrr404 woke up in his room. Or well, his room at his mom’s castle. “Hey Willy, breakfast is ready. I cooked your favorite: bacon and biscuits” he heard his mother say. His mom would never cook him breakfast. He always wished she would though. When he went into the dining room, he saw his brothers, frisk, cha cha, king Funnyverse, Error, Harley Quinya, and River all sitting at the table, happily talking about life with each other. He took a seat next to Adam and Cha cha after grabbing himself some breakfast. Cha cha gave him a kiss on the cheek and Adam gave him a high-five.
“Hey dad, can we go to the park today and play catch again?” King Funnyverse asked. Errrr404 was so ready to happily say yes and scarf down his breakfast so he could go to the park-as a family- with cha cha and lancer. But then, like everyone else, he remembered that this was an illusion; a trial, a test of will. He sighed and put his bacon down. 
“No, sorry sport. But this is an illusion. The final trial. But I promise, when we wake up, and when this is all done, that I’ll play catch with you.” Errr404 said. Billy Mays opened his eyes. Now everyone was awake. Billy Mays sat down with the crew, next to lancer and Cha cha. Lancer hugged his dad, and Billy hugged back.
“Dad…are you proud of me?” Lancer asked. Billy laughed and patted lancer on the head.
“Of course I am, son! You did more than I’ve seen any kid ever do! I never knew I had a son, but boy am I glad the omniverse gave me you, because you’re the best son I could ever ask for.” Errrr404 replied, still hugging his son.
“Alright, are you guys ready?” Errrr404 asked. The crew all gave a confident roar of approval.
“Alright, let’s go!” Errrr404 said, as they all rushed towards the door.
Category:Episodes
Category:Season 1
Category:Canon
Category:Story
Category:Written by Cliche