Officer's and Gent's Lib

==Opening remarks==
*(knocking)
*Pertwee: Mr Phillips, Sir? Mr Phillips, Sir? Are you there? Cooee. Mr Phillips, are you in there?
*Phillips: Err, yes, yes but you mustn't come in. I...I'm not decent.
*Pertwee: Oh! Oh well, ha-ha, ahem, sorry pardon I'm sure. I'll pop back later when you are, Sir.
*Phillips: No, it's alright now.
*(door opening)
*Phillips: Err, sorry to keep you waiting, Chief. You can come in now.
*Pertwee: Oh, most kind, Sir. Just exactly what were you, um, I mean why couldn't I, I mean I know it's none of my, I mean when have you hidden the dolly bird, I mean stone the crows. Why was Pertwee kept hanging about outside your cabin door-hole, Sir?
*Phillips: Well, I hadn't got my jacket on and my braces were exposed.
*Pertwee: Oh I see. Not a pretty sight!
*Phillips: Well, they're quite nice really, I mean they're Womble braces.
*Pertwee: Pardon?
*Phillips: There's Uncle Bulgaria chasing empty crisp bags on the left brace, and on the right brace there's Orinoco Womble stuffing something curious into Wellington Womble's tidy bag.
*Pertwee: What a wonderful way you have with words, Sir. One can see the whole picturesque panorama unfolding itself over your shoulder blades.
*Phillips: Well, well you have to be quick, Chief, because I'm meeting Samantha at the west dock yard gates in ten minutes.
*Pertwee: Yeah well, I won't delay your little Billet Doux with WREN Barratt but, err, can you tell me, Sir, what is it I've done?
*Phillips: No, no. What is it you've done?
*Pertwee: No, no that's what I'm asking you, Sir. I mean why is it Commander Murray don't like Pertwee no more? Cause Pertwee ain't done nothing!
*Phillips: Well it's funny you should say that, Chief, because Commander Murray don't, I mean, err, doesn't like loveable Leslie too much either. Err, loveable Leslie ain't, I mean hasn't done nothing much either. I mean, did anything, err no I don't, no, done anything neither, I mean either, I mean eether, or do I?
*Pertwee: Quite, Sir! I've no Idea, Sir, but Pertwee, you and me wants to know why and the last week or two Commander Murray's been going round like a bear with a sore whatever it is.
*Phillips: Yes. Th..s..there's got to be a reason somewhere. Do you know, he even called me 'a rotten navigator.'
Category:Episodes