Krusty the Clown (episode)/Quotes

:Principal Skinner: I come bearing the thing you journalists hate most. News.
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:Billy: You, I can tell you're a real talent. Get out. Your'e fired.
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:Lisa: You can't just turn the school paper into online clickbait!
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:Marge: You're a what?
:Lisa: I'm a recapper.
:Marge: Huh? What?
:Lisa: A TV recapper. I watch every episode of a show, then write a summary, followed by snarky comments, and a letter grade.
:Marge: Well, sometimes, I do worry I have the wrong opinions about what I've just seen.
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:Lisa: What kind of person can just spew out an endless stream of knee-jerk reactions?
:Homer: They should hand out candy at Thanksgiving, and stuffing at Halloween.
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:Homer: Hmmm, The mouse and the cat hate each other. That feels real to me. It was quite a ride, and I was on board, until the shawarma screamed. Very disappointing. An instant classic.
:Lisa: Dad! You were born to describe TV at a fourth grade level!
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:Krusty: Monologue seemed endless, pie clearly hits face of stunt double, overuse of comedic rule of three?
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:Homer: Today's Krusty show pulled out all the stops, which was a huge mistake, as many of the stops should have been left in.
:[Krusty starts following Homer]
:Krusty: I'll teach you to insult a thin-skinned Hollywood narcissist! Oh Tesla, your 900 lb. feet of silent, instant torque is the perfect killing machine!
:[Homer sees Krusty, seconds after reviewing his show]
:Homer: Where do I know that guy?
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:Homer: Krusty is trying to murder me. If he does, it'll be the first time he's killed in years.
:Krusty: I'm not funny?! YOU WANT TO SEE SOMETHING REALLY HUMOR!!?
:[Krusty hits Homer from behind despite his car's collision warning system]
:Homer: Running me off the road. Clearly a murderer, out of ideas.
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:Krusty: Like my show!
:Homer: Why? Is it season four again?
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:[Bart rides his bike up and sees Homer has been severely injured]
:Bart: Oh, please be okay. Please be okay! If anything happened to you, I don't know what I'd do!
:[Bart starts to run to his dad, but then it turns out he's actually going to the injured body of Krusty]
:Bart: Oh, give me a sign. Let me know my world isn't over!
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:Wrinkly, Smoking Old Clown: [scoff] TV clowns. Riding four to a car, like royalty. Eating stew from a bowl, instead of cupped hands. And you know who's the worst? Is that white faced Judist. Krusty!
:Krusty: Wait, circus clowns hate Krusty?
:Wrinkly, Smoking Old Clown: Don't you?
:Krusty: I my way, I've hated him all my life.
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:Wrinkly, Smoking Old Clown: Now, meet the greatest clowns from the finest closed circuses in the world. Skitters, Bumpo, Wiggles, Clammy, Dr. Pickles, Mr. Bindle, Barrels, Drooly, Trembles, Blitzy, Handsy, Boobsy, Mr. Boobsy, Baby Boobsy, The Boobsy Twins, Ding-A-Ling, Bing Bong, Ring-A-Ling, Flip Flop, Fiddle Faddle, Flapjack, and Scene Blow.
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:Homer: Okay, Walking Dead. Too much walking, not enough dead.
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:[Homer and Marge snuggle in bed]
:Homer: Making out on the bed a familiar formula, but still delivers the goods. Ooh, a butt-squeeze. Motivated by character and moves the story forward. Could an ear nibble be the thing to reinvigorate this tired franchise?
:Marge: Wait, are-are you recapping our snuggle?
:Homer: No, no. Just pillow talk, baby.
:Marge: If you say so.
:Homer: Savvy viewers will notice the husband hasn't brushed his teeth.
:Marge: [angered] That is it!
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:Marge: Don't you dare give me a letter grade!
:Homer: Okay, I'll just let this be ... minus.
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:Marge: It's either me, or the job!
:Homer: Hmm, Marge creates what feels like false jeopardy.
:Marge: No! The moment is well-earned!
:[Marge leaves]
:Marge: Aw, they just got rid of their best character!
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:Wrinkly, Smoking Old Clown: That was the most daring act I've ever seen and I saw a circus do a Beatles tribute, without permission.
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:Krusty: I'm losing the only happiness, I didn't have to chug, snort, shoot, bet on, or get enlarged.
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:[A creepy-looking limousine drives up next to Homer, and the door opens]
:Suspicious Voice: Get in.
:Homer: Okay.
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:Homer: Why are you making so many shows? No one can watch more than 300 of them.
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