Wizard 36

Chapter 36
Richard and Kahlan wake up and find that Rachel is gone. Kahlan quite rightfully blames herself for this, and says that Rachel was scared of her long hair. She asks Richard to cut her hair, and he wants to know why she doesn't just do it herself.
She turned away “I cannot. The magic will not allow a Confessor to cut her own hair. If we try, it brings pain so great, it prevents us from doing so.”
…
>_o
So...the magic of Confessors (which is The Power of Love)   prevents them from cutting their own hair?   Whuh? How does this make any sense? What does the one have to do with the other? Are the Confessors descended from Samson? This...this is just so totally random I don't know what to think about it.
Maybe a couple of drinks will help. \~/\~/
Nope. Still makes no sense.
So Richard refuses to cut Kahlan's hair because he respects her for who she is, and he doesn't think she should try to fool people. And, I guess, he likes scaring children. The two of them then decide to heroically forget about Rachel and continue on towards Tamarang.
They travel some more, and then, while stopped for the night, Zedd appears! Richard decides to grow a brain and threatens Zedd, saying that “I've been called by you once, and seen you once, yet neither was you. Third time tricked marks the fool.” I'm pretty sure the quote is “Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me,” but that made-up one certainly makes Richard look better. Anyway, Richard forces Zedd to walk through a spiderweb to prove that it's really him. This causes Zedd to "lift...his elbows in surprise", which is an expression I've never heard of, and I'm not at all sure how to visualize it. I'm picturing Zedd doing the chicken dance whenever he's surprised. \~/
It was probably supposed to be "eyebrows," but my copy says "elbows."
Zedd uses magic to cook dinner because he's hungry! He's the skinny guy, but he eats a lot! Get it?? It's FUNNY! \~/
So Richard and Kahlan catch Zedd up on what they've been doing, and Zedd is comically alarmed and appalled. Richard then lies about what Shota told him (some paragon of truth he is).
More catch-up. We learn that Zedd was the original keeper of the Book of Counted Shadows, and that it was held in a place called Wizard's Keep in Aydindril...which means, I guess, than Richard's father stole it from Zedd. Who had it guarded by underworld beasts, if I recall correctly. Curiouser and curiouser. Anyway, Wizard's Keep is where Zedd was, and it turns out that Aydindril has been captured by Rahl's forces. Zedd was hoping to destroy the Book of Counted Shadows in order to deny it to Rahl.
Zedd and Kahlan begin plotting how to deal with Giller when Richard, for no reason other than the fact that a Sue's perceptions are identical to reality, suggests that maybe Giller isn't such a bad guy. Maybe he had good reasons for abandoning Kahlan to the tender mercies of the quads. Now, we know of course that this is true, but it's incredibly irritating to have Richard arrive at that conclusion based on zero evidence – literally all he knows about Giller comes from Kahlan and Zedd, both of whom are convinced that Giller is a treacherous bastard who deserves to be tortured to death. \~/
Richard beings up Horners Mill, the town that was destroyed by the not-Westlanders. Richard seems to be basing his “they weren't Westlanders” theory on the fact that “I told Michael to get the army together and protect the Westland. I didn't tell him to attack anyone.” Actually, Richard told Chase to assemble the boundary wardens, and to defy the lawful government if necessary, based on his say-so. \~/ And note how Richard assumes that Michael will automatically do whatever he says, and not do anything Richard didn't tell him to do. \~/ That's some ego you've got there, Richard.
Anyway, Zedd confirms Richard's belief that it was not destroyed by Westlanders, but rather by Rahl's own forces, seeking to foment hatred of the Westland. Zedd's explanation is: Wizard's First Rule (hey, he said the title of the book!). Wizard's First Rule is that “people are stupid,” which I can't really disagree with. He then says that “People need an enemy to feel a sense of purpose,” which I'm pretty sure is just flat-out wrong. Unless Zedd is meaning “enemy” in the sense of “challenge.” And certainly, scratching out a living as a medieval peasant isn't very challenging. 9_9 \~/
Zedd says that “Truth is hard to sell; it gives no sense of purpose. It is simply truth.” I'll let that speak for itself.
Richard wonders how Rahl could get away with it. Zedd replies that “You knew better; you knew it wasn't Westlanders yet even you doubted your knowledge.” (emphasis mine). Because everyone in the Westland is good and kind and nice, and none of them would ever do anything mean. Especially after they were warned by Richard that the armies of the Midlands were poised to swoop in and destroy them all. \~/
Blah blah. Richard takes first watch and muses about how Zedd wanted to destroy the Magic Book, but since he memorized it, he sort of is the Magic Book. This somehow motivates him to stick his shark tooth in a piece of wood and throw it in the river. Then he bitches at Zedd about Gollum and how the Sword of Truth is going to turn him into another Gollum. Zedd says that “The prophecies say that the one who truly masters the sword's magic, and in doing so makes the blade turn white, will be protected from that fate.”
Twenty bucks says this will be Richard. Anyone? Anyone at all?
Later, Kahlan and Zedd have a woe-is-me conversation about being the last wizard and the last Confessor. Kahlan asks Zedd if he can remove her Confessor's magic and make her a mundane woman. Rather than just saying it's impossible, Zedd rather sadistically says that, yes, there is a way. He could kill her. \~/ Thanks, Zedd. You're a peach.
Zedd and Kahlan then talk about prophecies for a while, and Zedd makes reference to a Forked Prophecy (and I have no idea why that is capitalized). A Forked Prophecy can apparently “go either way.”
Zedd talks about how Richard can shoot an arrow and know exactly where it will go, but if Zedd starts talking about wind resistance and humidity and other factors, Richard “can't even hit the ground.” This is apparently the way of the true Seeker: to be guided by instinct, unencumbered by knowledge. Sort of like an idiot savant, I guess. This smacks of lazy writing to me, as it's basically an excuse for Zedd to be unnecessarily mysterious, and for Richard to have sudden, inexplicable epiphanies. No need to explain or deduce or collect information; the Sue Seeker will Somehow Just Know! \~/
More inconsequential chatter, and the chapter ends.
Drinks: 11
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