2013.03.28 - Final Answer

It's not exactly ungodly early in the morning, but it's early enough that a certain actress/waitress is still bleary eyed. Fern has been moving slow after a couple of busy days. She went out with Jerry from work last night, because there was a new martini bar that Jerry just -had- to try. Too many martinis to count later, and Fern didn't make it home until the wee hours of the morning. She's not even sure what woke her up, and she sits on her sofa, blinking as she looks around, Kurt the Bunny sitting next to her. Finally she sighs and pushes to her feet, zombie-ing her way to the bathroom. She doesn't shut the door all the way, because... why? She's not expecting company. 
Kurt is a creature of habit, he really, really is.
The sun is shining, and the skies are almost completely clear of clouds. The birds are waking up enough to begin their warbled songs of spring. The car is parked blocks away, and after a stop to a bakery, the fuzzy bluebir-- elf appears in the entryway of one Fern Fiddlehead's apartment with a soft *bamf* behind him.
Glowing yellow eyes scan the apartment, his gaze landing on the pile of blankets on the couch. With another *bamf*, he's gone and back again, seated on the far end of the couch; that spot identified by him the other day. Leaning forward, he takes the package of fresh, warm Hot Crossed Buns out and sets them on the coffee table as well as the two cups of coffee before calling out, "Leibchen? Coffee ist hier."
With the water running in the sink, Fern misses the tell-tale bamfs, but does hear the voice, and she grins around her toothbrush. "Be ri' air!" she calls back, trying not to spit out any toothpaste. There's a quick rinse of the toothbrush, and then of her mouth, a quick brush run through her hair, and Fern emerges. She's wearing her typical sleepwear, a t-shirt and flannel pants. 
 
"Morning, Doodle!" The greeting comes even as she heads for the sofa, angling to come up behind it, and wrap her arms around Kurt for a squeeze and a kiss to the cheek. 
Kurt rises as he catches Fern's departure from the bathroom, his own smile growing. "At least I didn't wake you this time." He rather enjoyed that last time, but.. ah well! Leaning in to the hug, he wraps his arms around, his tail reaching for a quick coil around her arm and a squeeze too before it's pulled away. "Guten Morgen, leibchen." A returned kiss on the cheek is given before he gestures to the food on the table.
"Hot crossed buns. When I was in the UK, I was turned on to them." Is that the right phrase? "I was introduced to them." And, once more.. "Someone told me the story of the tradition of them." That'll have to do. "Und, I brought coffee."
Fern takes a deep breath in, "They smell delicious." She gives Kurt a crooked grin and chides him gently, "You're gonna spoil me. I'll expect you to show up with coffee every morning, soon." She comes around to flop down onto the couch easily, bumping against the fuzzy blue elf lightly. "Hey," she says, "Thank you for bringing my ring back. So there's no bad juju going on with it?"
Kurt waits for the flop, and wraps his tail around her waist, the spade end lying lightly at her stomach. It gives him that 'cuddle' while allowing for his hands to be free enough to serve the buns. Handing one over on a napkin and the coffee, he grins. "I don't mind. I enjoy this, actually. It is nicer to sit in a quiet apartment than to eat in a large cafeteria mit loud children. Or in an office alone." A light shrug comes, and he takes his own coffee soon after she's served. 
"It is not yet time to put the boat in the water.. und Warren will have my head if I do not wait for him to do so. So, no breakfast upon die wasser."
Not to make it sound as if she's the choice by default, Kurt adds, "Und I enjoy doing things for you."
As she was the other morning, Fern is comfortable with the gesture of closeness as his tail wraps around her lightly, and she accepts coffee and bun with a thank you. "I like having the company too," she admits. She takes a bite of the bun, chews, and then adds a swig of coffee, before she leans back, taking care not to squish his tail terribly between herself and the cushions. 
 
Speaking of Warren... "I saw Warren after work the other night." There's a smirk as she notes, "I took him to the petting barn, at the Prospect Park Zoo. He let the sheep eat out of his hand." She pauses, then says thoughtfully, "I'm not sure he'd ever seen a sheep before, up close. I know he never fed one." 
"Then we are both happy in my visit." As if he couldn't tell before? Watching the first bite, Kurt shakes his head and takes a swallow of coffee. "No, by the way. Nothing was found that we could see." 'We'. "Und, as I promised, it was returned." With a note.
Privacy? What's that again?
There's no movement of his tail, nothing to suggest any discomfort, and it sits quietly for the time being. Brows rise, and the word of the outing brings a barked laugh from the blue fuzzy. "A petting barn? Did the goats nip at his wings?" Kurt's grin expresses much more than simply what she's told him- he can imagine his friends.. discomfort. Easily. "He let the sheep eat from his hand? Did you explain that is where he gets his wool suits from, so he'd better be nice?" Kurt can tease his friend, and does so on every suitable occasion, and his tones are.. fond. It IS his best friend, after all.
Fern giggles, "He did mention that he prefers wearing them." She sobers with a soft sigh. "He also said that I should make a choice soon. I think... I think that it's making him uncomfortable, Kurt. And I can't say that I blame him. I just wish..." That there wasn't a choice involved? "That things were more simple." 
Kurt laughs softly at the mention, and he nods. Does he know his friend? Absolutely.
It's the cloud, then, that comes across her face that brings his attention fully around, his coffee lowered. His tail flickers and squeezes a gentle pressure in a 'hug', and his smile lingers, but doesn't have that 'brightness' that it normally does to bring the blue to a more 'natural' state. "He did.." and Kurt nods.
"Leibchen," Kurt begins, his tones softening. "I could do this every day of my life, even if we were not 'involved'. If you think for a moment this is all in the hope that you would 'choose' me, you are mistaken. This.. is me." He gestures towards the buns, the coffee.. the bunny. "You said you wanted to get to know me.. und this is it." A soft exhale comes, and he continues, "I have so few friends with which to do these things. Amanda is working again, Domino.. doesn't do such things. Or, if she did, she wouldn't enjoy it." A chuckle comes, "I have visited Warren at his pent-- apartment mit breakfast as well. No cuddling on the couch, of course.. but we have spent days together. Particularly when he wanted to get away, und have someone go with."
Kurt reaches for her hand, "What I am trying to say, leibchen, is that this will not go away if you do not wish to go any farther in this.. friendship."
Fern lets her hand be taken, accustomed now to the feeling of his three digit grip. While she otherwise may have latched onto that little slip about Warren's penthouse, she's too distracted to do so now. He didn't happen to mention that when he said he's got a view of Central Park from his place! 
 
Fern turns, so she's facing Kurt more directly, looking into those familiar yellow eyes. "I already know that I love you, Doodle. You are so kind and thoughtful, so much fun to be with. But..." She pauses, frowning deeply, "There's always a but. I hate those." An earnestness comes into her eyes as she goes on, "I think... that maybe I could feel something different for Warren. I'm not sure, but... there's something." 
Kurt squeezes the hand, waiting.. and there, there it is. The confession and the 'but'. There's always a 'but'. "Ja," he says quietly. "Me too." He's heard many of them.. many.
"Und if you didn't explore what that 'something' could be, you'd not be happy," is finished. Kurt can hear it hanging in the air.
"I.. never said I wouldn't be disappointed, leibchen." The expression on his face, the shifting of that blue fuzz into something.. a little more melancholy. "But I do mean what I say."
A deep breath is taken, and as he fills his lungs, his tail gives a little squeeze, as does his hand once again. His expression lightens, and Kurt sets his tones to seem.. airier. Lighter.. good humoured in the face of that 'but'. "It's not a hard decision, leibchen. Demon und angel. You'd be a fool not to go for the wings."
"It would always haunt me, if I didn't see what that something is," she agrees softly. Fern looks close to tears, and she nods, speaking softly, "I know. My heart hurts to see that look on your face. But I do love you, Doodle, and I never want that to go away." There's a flash of... hurt?... on her face at his last words. "You know that's not what it is. I don't care what body you were born into. How either of you looks isn't important." If it were, could she have resisted the mega-hunkness that is unarguably Angel? 
Kurt knows.. he's heard it again, and again. 'I love you, but..'. If it were completely true, the other men wouldn't count, and there she'd be for him. But, it's not enough, and in his life, he's never been enough. That's why he's got 'friends'.. and for the physical? Well.. it's been a little while.
And there's that deep breath again, and he chuckles softly, though there's not a whole lot of amusement under it. He's trying, however. "Forgive me, leibchen. It was a joke, nothing more." 
Looking down at the hand that holds his coffee, Kurt exhales in a sigh. "Cold.." and yellow eyes look to the hot crossed buns. "Und cold." He looks across now, and gives warning, "I'm going to the kitchen to warm my coffee. Would you like a re-heat?"
Fern shakes her head at the offer, letting her hand slide away from his. She leans back into the couch, looking no happier than the blue elf. More than ever now, she's wondering if this is the right thing. Maybe the right thing would be to walk away from them both. Their lives were fine before she came along, they would be fine after she's gone. She keeps coming back to that thought, that maybe it would be better for them both. 
Kurt watches for a long moment before *bamf*, he's gone from the spot, and reappears in the span of a heartbeat in the kitchen with the same soft *bamf*. He can be heard rustling around the microwave, glowing yellow eyes studying the appliance for a moment to figure out it's workings before he puts the cup in and sets it to 15 seconds.
"Do not walk away from us, leibling." Kurt's been in this rodeo before, even though he's never really been the star rider. "I support your decision, und respect it. If you decide to leave us both, it would hurt more to believe that you could walk away." He chuffs a soft breath, "Und I have too few friends to lose another." He's lost too many as it is.
Fern doesn't turn to acknowledge his words, but her reply drifts back. "I can't do this, Kurt. I just can't. How can I be happy with him knowing that I had to hurt you? And how could I be happy with you knowing that I had to hurt him?" And, while Kurt is undeniably hurt, she suspects Warren would be crushed. "It's too much for me." Another thought enters her mind... She's not going to make it here. She should have never left home. She should go back, stop chasing dreams, and get a real life. 
*ding!*
Kurt takes the coffee from the microwave, tests it with a tentative sip, and nodding, walks back into the living room for no other reason but to give him a little time and space to gather his thoughts and how to put them into english.
"Leibchen.." His tones are soft, "we all knew somewhere along the line, someone would be hurt to allow for someone else's happiness. This is not the first time for me, nor will it ever be the last." Kurt was right when he told Domino that love didn't seem to be in the cards for him in this lifetime. His alternate dimension self seems to have gotten all that luck. "It happens whenever you put your heart out for another. To stop being hurt means that you never allow yourself to try for happiness, ja?"
Kurt stops at the back of the couch, his tail swaying gently, and he leans over to kiss the top of her head. "I do not care for you any less, leibchen." He'd just hoped that she cared for him more. "As for Warren, I cannot answer for him."
Stubborn, thy name is Fern Fiddlehead. She shakes her head in the negative, setting her resolve. "No. I won't do it. I can't be with either of you, it's just that simple. I was right when I first thought that, and I should have stuck to it." She sits up with a deep breath, leaning forward. "I can be friends with you both, and nothing more with either." There. That wasn't so hard. 
And there.. right there is once again proof to Kurt that he can't let his particular feelings on a matter show. Not only is he hurt, and it's something he can control, but now the decision that comes hurts both her and Warren.
No one will be happy.
"Leibchen.. I have not lied throughout this. Do you hear what I am saying?" Kurt teleports from one side of the couch to the other in rapid succession.. *bamf*bamf* to appear before her. Kneeling on the floor in front of the couch, he pushes the table back with his tail. "That is not a well thought out decision, leibchen, und I ask that you reconsider it. You will not be happy, I will not be happy, und Warren will not. You, of us all, deserve to be happy. This city is your dream, und you will find your life in it."
Kurt takes a deep breath, and offers a tight smile, "Besides, you said yourself you wouldn't be happy unless you explored your feelings for Warren. That is what you told me.. und I want to see you happy."
"No." There's a finality to the word, and Fern takes a deep breath, then leans to give Kurt a hug. It's tight, but brief, and she pulls away, half crawling off the couch to gain her feet. "I'm going to get dressed. Lets do something fun today." She leaves no quarter for argument, ignoring the truth to his words. Crossing to the closet, she opens the door and starts rummaging through her unimpressive wardrobe. "I don't have to work today, and I want to have fun." 
Kurt returns the hug, so brief in his arms, and rises from his spot on the floor. He watches her as she moves away from him to gain her feet, and as she attends to her closet, he nods in the words. "I was thinking the South Street Seaport today.. und a ride on the ferry to the Statue of Liberty." His back is to her to give a little privacy, and his tail twitches, "I have to go to the airport tonight- taking Amanda to work. But that isn't until later."
While Fern, then, gets dressed and ready for the day, Kurt is putting the buns into the kitchen, rewrapping them and setting them aside. The coffee cups are placed side by side on the coffee table, ready to be grabbed before going out the door.
"The sun ist shining, und it promises to be as warm as yesterday. But, we will be by the water.."
And when she's ready? It's out the door with coffee in hand, the door locked behind them, the city lying before them.
Category:Log