All My MPs Gone

All My MPs Gone is the twenty-eighth episode of The SpongeBob and Daddy Pig Show and the sixth episode of the third season. It was written by thatjess and released on July 22, 2022.
== Transcript ==
[Exterior shot of the Bikini Bottom News tower. Cut to an office where Perch Perkins is frantically pacing around.]
Perch Perkins: Agh! Come on, Perch! You need big stories, big ideas!
[A Bikini Bottomite knocks on the door.]
Perch Perkins: Um, come in!
[Another employee walks in.]
Perch Perkins: You know you don’t have to knock, right?
[The camera slides up to reveal the employee to be none other than Penis Parker.]
Parker: Um, sorry sir. I just, heh, wanted to make sure you weren’t masturbating or anything.
Perch Perkins: Wh- why would I be doing that? Nevermind, I ain’t got time for this. You’re the new unpaid intern, right?
Parker: Paid intern, actually. Barely paid but for a teenager like me, money is money.
Perch Perkins: I’m so sorry but I really couldn’t care less right now. It’s been a slow news month and if I don’t come up with something soon, my career is over. Right now the only stories worth talking about are Peppa Pig World politics and PenisMan. We’re not even in Peppa Pig World, and no one knows who PenisMan is for crying out loud! 
Parker: I, uh, might know a thing or two about PenisMan.
Perch Perkins: (sighs) It’s no use. I think I better just start packing my things up.
Parker: No, um, heh, please don’t. There’s… someone who wants to see you actually.
Perch Perkins: (shivers) Oh Neptune. The boss?
Parker: Not quite. Although considering she married Boris Johnson, I’d say she’s just as stupid.
[Cut to Perch Perkins sitting down at a desk opposite Carrie Johnson. Perch is frantically making notes.]
Perch Perkins: Holy fuck… this is quite the accusation, miss.
Carrie: Mrs., and yeah it’s quite the accusation indeed.
Perch Perkins: This is just the story I need! Once I show this to the guys I think we’ll be more than happy to publish this on your behalf! There’s just one problem though.
Carrie: What do you mean?
Perch Perkins: I can’t find any sources or evidence or anything in your story here.
Carrie: I’m Boris’ wife! What more do you want?!
Perch Perkins: I guess that is true… alright, unless the upper guys object, this is going straight into the papers first thing tomorrow!
[Cut to 10 Downing Street.]
Neil Parish: I WAS LOOKING FOR TRACTORS, I SWEAR!
Boris Johnson: I understand, Neil, it’s an honest mistake. Happens to me all the time. But I’m afraid I think it would be best if you went.
Neil Parish: BUT I WAS ONLY LOOKING FOR TRACTORS!
Boris Johnson: I know, I know, but er, a team is only as strong as its weakest link and I just don’t want you bringing the Conservative party down.
Neil Parish: Oh really? Me? The weakest link? Look who’s talking.
Boris Johnson: What? It’s not like I’ve murdered anyone or anything.
[The TV suddenly switches on.]
Perch Perkins: (on TV) BREAKING NEWS - Boris Johnson’s wife accuses him of the tragic murder of beloved LGBTQ+ icon and rights activist Suzy Sheep on November 17th of last year!
Neil Parish: …you did what now?
Boris Johnson: I WAS TRYING TO MURDER TRACTORS, I SWEAR!
Neil Parish: You killed Suzy Sheep, Boris?
Boris Johnson: (fanning himself with his hand) Whew. Is it hot in here or just me?
Neil Parish: Did you, or did you not murder Suzy Sheep on November 17th 2021?
Boris Johnson: Well, I don’t exactly remember what I was doing on the 17th-
Neil Parish: (sighs) If I weren’t resigning before, I definitely am now. Give me that.
[Neil Parish grabs an unsigned resignation letter from Boris, signs it, and walks out.]
Boris Johnson: Jesus Christ I really didn’t think Carrie would tell anyone! (sighs) Well, my loyal Tories supported me all through partygate, I’m sure they’ll stick with me here-
[Sajid Javid walks in.]
Boris Johnson: Ayyyyyyy! Sajid! My main man! How’s it going?
Sajid Javid: Not too good actually, Boris.
Boris Johnson: What’s wrong? Still worked up over Chris Pincher? You know, Pincher by name, Pincher by nature - that’s what I always say! (fakes a laugh)
Sajid Javid: Well actually… I’ve, um, come to give you my letter of resignation.
Boris Johnson: Oh um… huh. I- I don’t know what to say, but I mean um… I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavours.
Sajid Javid: I don’t. Enjoy your next trip at Peppa Pig World for me though!
[Sajid walks off.]
Boris Johnson: I always knew that Sajid was a fucking twat. Well, two MPs have resigned. Can’t get that much worse, right?
[Rishi Sunak walks in with another resignation letter.]
Boris Johnson: Jesus Christ.
[Yakety Sax begins playing as the camera pans out from 10 Downing Street to reveal an entire queue of MPs lined up to resign. A timelapse is shown of the MPs moving down the line one by one and resigning. As this happens, more and more news reporters, press and police officers arrive at the scene.]
Perch Perkins: This is Perch Perkins reporting live from London on behalf of Bikini Bottom News. Following the shocking allegations made against Boris earlier, a whopping total of 60 MPs have resigned from Boris Johnson’s government! Here with me now is minister Jacob Rees-Mogg. Thank you for joining us today, sir.
Rees-Mogg: Eh? What?
Perch Perkins: You are live on Bikini Bottom News.
Rees-Mogg: Oh, right.
Perch Perkins: It’s safe to say that pretty much everyone and their grandmother thinks Boris Johnson is a sausage roll. What do you think will happen next? Will Boris resign himself?
Rees-Mogg: Of course not! This is just business as usual. Boris Johnson is a- um, he’s a great prime minister and I can see him serving this country for plenty of decades to come!
Perch Perkins: Thank you for your time, Mr. Rees-Mogg. And this just in ladies and gentlemen - Boris has announced his intention to resign!
Rees-Mogg: WHAT THE FUCK
[Exterior shot of SpongeBob’s pineapple. SpongeBob, Daddy Pig, Gary 2 and Mummy Sheep are inside celebrating.]
All: 🎶CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES, COME ON!🎶
[Cut to Boris Johnson giving a speech outside 10 Downing Street.]
Boris Johnson: And I am sad to be giving up the best job in the world, but… them’s the breaks.
Peter Griffin: Boo! Get to the sex!
[Cut back to SpongeBob and Daddy Pig watching the speech on TV.]
SpongeBob: You know, I honestly never thought he’d resign.
Daddy Pig: Neither did he until this morning.
[Cut back to 10 Downing Street.]
Boris Johnson: W- Was that a good speech? Did you get all of that?
[Suddenly, a police car pulls up. Police Officer Panda and Police Officer Squirrel step out.]
Police Officer Squirrel: Mr. Johnson, you are under arrest on suspicion of murdering Suzy Sheep… again.
[Pause.]
Boris Johnson: Shit! I don’t have any cups of tea on me.
Category:2022
Category:2022 Episodes
Category:2022 Transcripts
Category:Episodes
Category:Episode transcripts
Category:Transcripts
Category:Thatjess
Category:The SpongeBob and Daddy Pig Show
Category:PI
Category:PI Network
Category:PI+
Category:Coral Blue Productions
Category:Daddy Pig Cinematic Universe
Category:2020s
Category:Blue Lobster Productions