Retirement Options

=Retirement Options=
===You can retire to Phoenix , Arizona where..... ===
# You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade. 
# You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl. 
# You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town. 
# You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food. 
# You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door. 
# The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!! 
===You can retire to California where... ===
# You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house. 
# The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway. 
# You know how to eat an artichoke. 
# You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party. 
# When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is. 
# The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought. 
===You can retire to New York City where... ===
# You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan .... 
# You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map. 
# You think Central Park is "nature." 
# You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual. 
# You've worn out a car horn. (if you have a car) 
# You think eye contact is an act of aggression. 
===You can retire to Alaska where... ===
# You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco .. 
# Halloween costumes fit over parkas. 
# You have more than one recipe for moose. 
# Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons. 
# The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction. 
===You can retire to the Deep South where... ===
# You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store. 
# "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural. 
# "He needed killin'" is a valid defense. 
# Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc. 
# Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too. 
===You can retire to Colorado where... ===
# You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car 
# You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center. 
# A pass does not involve a football or dating. 
# The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail. 
===You can retire to the Midwest where... ===
# You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name. 
# Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor. 
# You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day. 
# You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at? " 
# When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"
===AND You can retire to Florida where.. ===
# You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon. 
# All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars. 
# Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist. 
# Road construction never ends anywhere in the state. 
# Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
Category:Humor