Blew Kelp Titties

"Blew Kelp Titties" is the tenth episode of Season 3 of Life in Bikini Bottom, and the 39th overall.
==Characters==
TBA
==Synopsis==
Looking for allies to help get them through tough times, the alliance launches negotiations with New Kelp City. Their plans come to a halt, however, when the fascist insurgency orders strict border control between the two cities. Meanwhile, XXXTentacion and Juice Wrld release a song exposing the actions of Area 51.
==Plot==
The episode starts with SpongeCock in his bed, his alarm clock ticking slowly. It hits a full rotation, and then it starts springing up, playing “Life in Bikini Bottom” by Yvng Danny. SpongeCock then pulls himself out of bed, showing that he has morning wood. “Yoooo… morning wood is the new wave,” he says, turning off his alarm clock. “Now that I’m awake I can now shove my thumb up my ass, that always makes it better.” He makes his way downstairs, to which everyone is already up in the kitchen. Kraps is counting his money, Fatprick is diving head first into a new ice cream cake, Fricky is polishing his Antifa outfit, and Shitward is sucking on a tube. SpongeCock stops and immediately glances at Shitward. “Uh… don’t tell me you’re off the clarinet for that shit.” “No, no, heh, don’t be ridiculous,” he responds, quickly shoving it away and his face getting red all over.
“Well, folks, I must say, I had perhaps the strangest dream last night. Like, so strange, you’d never guess how strange it was. No sir, no strangeness could ever-” “ALRIGHT DAD, we get the point already,” Fricky jumps up, cutting him off. “You’re starting to sound like Trump. Must be all that power going to your head.” “Fricky, calm down,” SpongeCock reassures him. “Anyway, I had a dream that-
We see SpongeCock facing to the wall behind the camera, as the music intensifies and his shadow gets bigger. He is seen rising up in a god-like fashion, to which he then quickly drops down and turns around, showing that he's dressed in a rockstar like outfit. He grabs his microphone and starts to sing.
I’m fucking your bitch right up in the crib
Ima score the ball, no I don’t do assists
I’m productive, Golfpecks256
Pullin’ out the draco and you know to start to blitz
Boy I’m really up there and I’m really with the shitz
Dunk on yo hoe, you know that’s a bad bitch
Bumping Yvng Danny in the mothafuckin crib
SBFW, SBFW crib
Shaquille O’Neal I slam dunk on a hater
Fuck wit my gang and I know you a traitor
I’m whippin’ it up and I ball like a Pacer
But I’m bigger than that, yea call me a Laker
Already referenced basketball four times
Smokin’ on the kush cuz we don’t do lines
Can’t name a motherfucker that can match my rhymes
I expect my check on time, bump all the time in the-
Crib, crib, crib, crib
Crib, crib, you know what it is
Crib, crib, crib, crib
Crib, crib, SBFW, bitch
Crib, crib, crib, crib
Crib, crib, you know what it is
Crib, crib, crib, crib
Crib, crib, SBFW, bitch
First, there’s Golfpecks and he won’t give a nickel
Elmo is my cousin but he’s not a me tickle
CrazySponge always be pulling out his pickle
I got the drip, yeah my watch finna trickle
@everyone, no the crib’s not mellow
Money tall like Khalifa, got it all black and yellow
Newcomers get shot way before “hello”
Not Yachty, but she blowin’ on my dick like a cello
Diamonds bursting into song, yeah, acapello
Know you fuckin’ pussies soft like Marshmellow
Not Spanish, but I be gettin’ the DInero
Got all my dawgs off the leash, they some perros
My jewels they be shining, my jewels they be glistening
Holy shit, Jesus walks, like I’m at a Christening
The water be dripping, all the heat is sizzling
But stay the fuck from me like social distancing
Crib, crib, crib, crib
Crib, crib, you know what it is
Crib, crib, crib, crib
Crib, crib, SBFW, bitch
Crib, crib, crib, crib
Crib, crib, you know what it is
Crib, crib, crib, crib
Crib, crib, SBFW, bitch
Mr. Pecks is a very interesting banana
He’s a refined man, he don’t wear bandanas
He’s a damn fool, a lapdog for Joe Biden
Then takes a shit all over Bernie’s eyelids
War crime apologetics, out of public service
Aid to Israel, yeah, always Biden’s servant
Raped a strawberry and a pear, he’s a pervert
No memes or profanity, he keeps getting sterner
Music is a waste of time, Mr. Pecks won’t waste his time
Banana Studios domain, he be always spending dimes
No Malarkey in Bikini Bottom
Fucking legendary, used to be solemn
No Nut November, is that about eating acorns?
Hates it, it’s a meme, but he still don’t like the porn
Masturbation is unproductive, disgusting, and inappropriate
So he wants to make it illegal, but he’s still a degenerate
Be productive, if you take a break, you’re fired
NMIBB, yeah you’ll never get the hire
Sticks his girthy banana cock into every passing fruit
Music is-
Music is the enemy of the people, really
Golfpecks is going insane, willy nilly
United War Room, but he’s not a centrist
I don’t wanna see his shit, I’d rather see a dentist
He says he’s a millionaire, but he swears he isn’t rich
He says that he’s a fine man, but he’s really just a bitch
Man, I wish Golfpecks falls off a fucking ditch
Racist motherfucker, and he’ll never make the switch
And I’m-
I’m losing ne sense if balanc
I’m losing ne sense if balanc
I’m losing ne sense if balanc
I’m losing ne sense if balanc
I’m losing ne sense if balanc
I’m losing ne sense if balanc
I’m losing ne sense if balanc
I’m losing ne sense if balanc
I’m losing ne sense if balanc
I’m losing ne sense if balanc
Golf is a fucking clown and
@everyone DEADLINE announcements
He a penguin, he a catfish
NMIBB, overtook by Travis
His ego is fucking massive
And Golf can’t even mask it
Mr. Pecks is a very interesting banana
He’s a refined man, he don’t wear bandanas
He’s a damn fool, a lapdog for Joe Biden
Then takes a shit all over Bernie’s eyelids
War crime apologetics, out of public service
Aid to Israel, yeah, always Biden’s servant
Raped a strawberry and a pear, he’s a pervert
No memes or profanity, he keeps getting sterner
Yeah, you’ve gotta stop jacking off in class
Got that white stains on yo ass
Couldn’t even get a hall pass
Damn you need to stop that habit really bad
Classturbating is weird and you know that
You keep tryna free yo kids like they Kodak
Stop stroking your horse, free my man Bojack
Your poor innocent classmates, stop the harass
Wait- huh? Who the- who the fuck is that?
Bruh, it’s Mr. Renaud, the TV productions teacher
But how he does his job you’d think he’s a Catholic priest or-
-someone else who really likes to hang around children
And I mean that in the worst way possible, it’s really chilling
See, he does this to all of his students in the room
He’ll turn on his camera and his penis begins to bloom
Surrounded by minors, the only people he likes to groom
He’ll do it all day and go harder until he booms
And then he posts it on…
Mr. Renaud then shows up on the screen, yelling "VIMEO! VIMEO, VIMEO, VIMEO!" SpongeCock turns his head to confront him. "Mr. Renaud, this is MY concert, NOT YOURS!" "Awww. Say, can I borrow Fricky for a second?" SpongeCock ignores him and then continues.
But Mr. Renaud, you’ve gotta stop his slice
Of your pornos of kids making your dick squeak like mice
Not in the classroom, and definitely not at home
You a sick individual, man, you should be alone
That even means Renaud, he might be watching you too
Installing cameras in your bedroom, what would Camdyn do?
School is a learning environment, not a pleasure zone
So focus on your math textbook and stop stroking your bone
And to Renaud, my man you gotta quit the pornos
You’re infamous as hell, like the fanon wiki and George Soros
What you’re doin is illegal, it’s gonna get you caught
But you say that the risk is worth it, you really like that thought
YouTube is for amateurs, Vimeo is for professionals
You really need to turn yourself in, like a confessional
These children are underage Paul, have some fucking decency
And stop calling them cutie pie like you’ve been doing recently
Ayy is that who I think it is?
Hell yeah, you know, it’s my favorite Russian 
Timothy Peppermint always gets to bustin’
And by that I mean spreading the views of his mother land
By executing homosexuals, what the fuck, man
But something about him makes him sound different
He might be a homophobe, but just listen to him-
He keeps on insisting that he’s not gay
And that they have a price they need to pay
He pulls out his tin-foil gun and starts to spray
He makes them stutter and then start to pray
But maybe this is for a bigger reason
Maybe Tim’s just keeping a secret
He pulls out his gun just for defense
Maybe he’s gay, and this is the way he keeps them on edge
Them on edge
It’s a metaphor, he says, but is it really?
Timothy Peppermint, man he’s a meanie
Mother Russia is the land, I prefer Uzbekistan
Pullin’ out the tinfoil, yeah you better make a plan
Tim’s a massive homophobe, can’t you see
But Paul Renaud’s a pedophile, that is he
College Park gotta be a fucked up place
Everything’s a- everything’s a- everything’s a disgrace
Fuck CrazySponge, CrazySponge a hoe
Wears the same striped socks, every single day
Wears the same striped socks, bitch you know which ones I mean
He fucked it up real good, and he stealing for BP
Man, fuck CrazySponge, he a sexual degenerate
His ego stand as tall as fucking Kendall Jenner is
But he ain’t even hot, don’t get me wrong, he 11 and
Unless you Paul Renaud, Fandom take it down, irrelevant
Fuck CrazySponge, man, that’s my life motto
He’s a pervert, he ain’t no role model
He say “o” all the time man he’s so stupid
He own all of the companies, nothing do with it
He suckin’ off a Hoopla Fish, what this foolishness?
Laughing in the venting channel, he a hooligan
He just like Jeff Bezos, fuck Box Productions
CrazySponge a green fish, he’s a greedy fish
He start talking crazy, you know I’m a mute this bitch
Spectromite gang, you know we all savages
On that CrazySponge pack, smoking mad of it
He violate the policy, you know, content ownership
Fuck CrazySponge, CrazySponge a hoe
Wears the same striped socks, every single day
Wears the same striped socks, bitch you know which ones I mean
He fucked it up real good, and he stealing for BP
Fuck CrazySponge, CrazySponge a hoe
Wears the same striped socks, every single day
Wears the same striped socks, bitch you know which ones I mean
He fucked it up real good, and he stealing for BP
Cult of Squid and Hoopla’s Fantastic Beach
Didn’t agree to cancel til he caught a breach
Lengthy history of kicks, he a fucking leech
The means of productions, that’s a fucking seize
Gettin’ canceled on the daily, man he fucks up everything
High Flying Hooplas, he’ll never win a fucking ring
CrazySponge is over party, look it up on Bing
CrazySponge a bitch, you know Yvng Danny’s the king
Fuck CrazySponge, CrazySponge a hoe
Wears the same striped socks, every single day
Wears the same striped socks, bitch you know which ones I mean
He fucked it up real good, and he stealing for BP
Fuck CrazySponge, CrazySponge a hoe
Wears the same striped socks, every single day
Wears the same striped socks, bitch you know which ones I mean
He fucked it up real good, and he stealing for BP
No being unfunny, that’s the sacred rule
That’s our mantra
No being unfunny or I’ll have to ban you
Fuck with the rule and I might have to tan you
I’m with Lil Grizz in this bitch, and I’m Dan, too
Sick of the violations, please stop it, can you?
Talkin’ bout you, Liv, you really gotta stop it
Never met someone less funny to top it
I got the funny drip, you better cop it
Penalty is death, yeah bitch I let the glock hit
Penalty is death, electric chair, yeah I pop shit
Rule 15, but I’m not on some op shit
No being unfunny, I might have to rock shit
You too, CrazySponge, I’ll kill and pop quick
Trust me the rule is so clear, don’t be unfunny
Or I’ll come jump you and count up the money
Or I’ll shoot you, I got guns by the hundreds
You need to cease it or I’ll get to gunnin’
Stupid ass jokes, boy I forgot to fucking laugh
At least make me laugh at you, like Eminem on Fack
Or Golfpeck256 on anything
Or Donald Trump on Twitter, bitch, he tryna start a meme
Yeah, but anyway, I’m tryna get it through your head
You gotta be funny, yeah, unless you wanna be dead
Maybe I won’t kill you though, I’ll take yo’ girl instead
By the Rule 15 code, she leavin’ you on read
Send yo ass to bed and I’m pullin’ out the rubber
Right before I nut, know I’m pullin’ out the cover
Then it’s time for round two, swear I won’t even stutter
I’ll do it to your girl, then I’ll do it your mother
If you unfunny, I’ll take her away so savagely
Fucking her so hard that it feels like a travesty
Your bitch is now mine and she calls me “your majesty”
Rule 15, yeah it fuck up the whole gravity
Bitch
If an op is unfunny we gon fuck him up
I got all these hundreds throw them in the club
If a rival pulls up then it's gonna get funny
I hit him 6 times in the head while holding my money
Oh shit the cops pulling up we got to get runnin
Aye pussy start fuckin talkin or we gon get drummin
When we buyin’ our cannabis shits we gotta conceal all angles
If the feds catch us then we gon be in danger
I smoked all that shit until high with all of my angels
My bro always tells me that I am in danger
It’s no longer a safe earth I gotta keep my stick or else I might be caught dead
But shit I’d rather be dead than caught by the feds
I shoot any blood we cripin forever
I crip so hard that I even keep my gun in my bed
Speakin’ of beds I fucked a bitch there
Fuckin her hard and pulling her hair
She hopped on top that hoe was riding
She was going so fast it sounded like that bitch was dying
Maybe she was, I don’t know, I’m always surprising
We finished up then I called her an Uber
Wish I could have Louis V's but I'm stuck with my Pumas
My glocks clip so long that shit is a ruler
I bet 20k that's nothing for me we playin’ roulette
In the night me and the gang go out and we skate in corvettes
We driftin’ so hard we might get in a wreck
Not going to we skilled at this shit
We so skilled i can impress a bitch
We go by rule 15 that means no being unfunny
That's 15 in the crib where I'm richest in money
It’s all memes and shit where degeneracy is funny
Danny and I out with the choppas we skate in corvettes
When we out with the choppas, we the kings
We the kings of corvettes and the kings of bling
Testing, test-
Testing, test-
Testing, test-
Jesus fucking christ christ Dan
I don’t even know what she meant
Reading this shit, it’s like a dead end
But good thing we done made amends
LGBTQ, don’t tell Tim or Iran
Or they’ll shoot you like Afghanistan
Go and stay on your grind, go and get the bands
Yeah you know I get the green like Peter Pan
Both hands, no hands, do it till I nut again
Tryna free all my young guys yea out the pen
That’s my shooter, yeah, it’s a full send
You don’t even know, how to defend
Liv, I already talked about you on Rule 15
You know that you and CrazySponge are fiends
Sippin’ on that lean, yeah I feel it in my spleen
Smoke that MP3 file, what the fuck it mean?
Let this be a warning to everybody
Fuck with my gang and it’s gon’ be muddy
Yeah, got Luis in the building
Yvng Danny
Jesus fucking christ christ dan
You know what I mean
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST CHRIST DAN! THAT WAS ME SAYING HOW THE LGBTQ COMMUNITY IS MOSTLY PRETTY MUCH GAY PEOPLE, IN CONCEPT. DID YOU NOT FUCKING READ HOW I SAID "The T in LGBTQ stands for transgender people and the Q stands for people who are questioning their gender or sexuality,"? What the FUCK is WRONG WITH YOU?!! EVERYTHING THAT YOU'RE TRYING TO SAY I'M ARGUING FOR I'VE MADE CLAIMS AGAINST!!! WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?! YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE STILL TRYING TO CONTINUE THIS STUPID ARGUEMENT! I'M NOT EVEN TRYING TO ARGUE WITH YOU! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!!
Our whole universe was in a G and PG state
Then nearly fourteen billion years ago was inappropriate, wait
Fatprick shit a stool, Shitward began to drool
They invented crap that rules
We built a great, great wall (we started cursing)
Shit, titties bursting, unraveling the coercing
This is Life in Bikini Bottom! PG-13!
Yo I’m SpongeCock in this bitch and I’m brodie
Assy Cheeks in the back, she gonna blow me
Whip up the weed patties, give me the smoke please
Dripped out in Gucci, sauced down over my knees
Fatprick my homie, he get to the money like ice cream cake
Night shifts at the strip club, got the free strippers, Assy gonna shake and bake
Got this water on me, locked in, drippin’ down my side like it’s a lake
Whip out my dick and I fuck on her face, I get the ace if we shooting a place
My son is Fricky, he 8 years old, but he know too much for a youngboy
I got the bars, rappin’ with Shitward, we bigger than NBA Youngboy
My gang we gon shoot it up, if you talkin’ shit you a fuck boy
Fuck Paul Renaud, he simping for Fricky, yeah thass kinda sus, boy
Chasin’ the paper, don’t care boutta a hater, he a bitch and and drip down to the Krusty Kock
Sheldon Bastard take over Bikini Bottom, he fuck wit me Ima pull out my glock
Started from the bottom, yeah Bikini, got my jewels on lockdown they some rocks
Mr. Kraps better give me a raise, if not, we have some problems that we finna talk
Fuck all the cops, they tryna bust me, but when I see Assy you know Ima bust quick
I’ll give you a lesson, don’t play around me ‘cuz you know I let the rust stick
Trap in the nighttime, sellin’ dope weed, cuz you know it get lit when the dusk hit
Got your hoe in my whip and I’m swervin’ round town while passenger seat she suck dick
Season 3, we runnin’ away from Bastard, cuz he a fascist and I’m not bout that
Ponyo Fan a problem too, but now she gone, yeah she fell for the mouse trap
I was just joking, but apparently my adventures too inappropriate
So when I get my first chance, I’m protecting all angles yeah that’s sick
Bernie my homie, I’d vote for him holy, but the US they some coyotes
I’m finna tap in, you gonna tap out, yeah when you see me rollie
Protecting all angles, I keep the strap on me, I’m blockin all shots like a goalie
Bitch I’m imprisoned, Bastard a bootlicker, yeah he done sold me
Yeah, SpongeCock the best, fuck all the rest, boy I’m really blowing up
My dick all in Pissing Pearl, she pissing out, and she started throwing up
Bikini Bottom my hometown, yeah that’s the sign that I’m throwing up
Miss me with the bullshit, yeah SpongeCock, I be glowing up
Goddamn
So come on down to Bikini Bottom, because you’ll be my slave here!
We then see Shitward walk in and confront SpongeCock. "You know, that one's not as funny because it's actually through your perspective." "Shut up, skinny shit!" SpongeCock tells him off.
Yeah, December 9th, 2020, feels like just yesterday
Only two months ago, wasn’t far away
Man I love that day, Zoltan done got spayed
Let me tell a story about the whole array
Better not catch you lurking in NSFW
This is the type of shit you find in SBFW
If you say some perverted shit, yeah, I’m cuffin’ you
Only say fuck you, never say “I’m fucking you”
If you’re a sexual degenerate you’ll end up like Zoltan
So when you see me coming, yeah, you better get to boltin’
You’ll be castrated, genitalia get auctioned
And that could be just from saying “I jerk my cock” shit
On that fine day, I had enough of Zoltan’s bullshit
He was being a degenerate, so I had to mull it
He said “sex” in hubba bubba so I had to let him know
That was his last shot, now his balls have to go
Made a proposal, 3 supports and 1 oppose
That oppose was from Zoltan, so it was a faux
He started to protest, I could hear him shouting “NO!”
All the way from Hungary, boy, yo shit has got to go
Is Mr. City guilty of the above charges?
We got a lot perverts here, but he’s the largest
Majority support, so we’re bustin’ out the kraken
Zoltan has a penis that we gonna’ get to hackin’
Screaming in protest, his balls that he protect
Says he gon grow it back, but I gotta object
Put a cage around it so there’s nothing to inject
Can’t clone himself either, now it’s time for the arrest
Better not catch you lurking in NSFW
This is the type of shit you find in SBFW
If you say some perverted shit, yeah, I’m cuffin’ you
Only say fuck you, never say “I’m fucking you”
If you’re a sexual degenerate you’ll end up like Zoltan
So when you see me coming, yeah, you better get to boltin’
You’ll be castrated, genitalia get auctioned
And that could be just from saying “I jerk my cock” shit
Zoltan’s in a hole and he can’t fucking get out
When he finds out there’s an auction, boy he’s gonna start to pout
For his genitalia, and we got some high bids up in here
Mr. Renaud, Mr. Griffin, and Mr. Walker be chasin’ cheer
Soon the fucking value is starting to skyrocket
Zoltan’s strapped down, eyes poppin’ out his socket
Then I take the gun right out of my fuckin’ pocket
We gon’ spin a wheel to decide who gets to rock it
Spun it real good, you know Zoltan tried to interrupt
Maybe you shouldn’t have been a pervert, yeah sorry bud
The wheel lands on Aaron, he just copped Zoltan private parts
Surgery coming up, but first you get it Zoltan, I remarked
Set the time at 6, and soon the day flowed by
Thinkin’ bout the time, maybe he’s about to cry
Never downplay the scene, yeah it’s way too good to lie
6 o’clock, roll around, now the show is going live
Better not catch you lurking in NSFW
This is the type of shit you find in SBFW
If you say some perverted shit, yeah, I’m cuffin’ you
Only say fuck you, never say “I’m fucking you”
If you’re a sexual degenerate you’ll end up like Zoltan
So when you see me coming, yeah, you better get to boltin’
You’ll be castrated, genitalia get auctioned
And that could be just from saying “I jerk my cock” shit
Castration time, but Zoltan’s not to be seen
Got the knife handy, but there’s no one to be preened
Gave him his last words, but I was told that he’s down deep
So now I have to castrate him in his fucking sleep
Got the equipment ready, I’ll admit I start to squirm
But it was worth it, I got it together right for the burn
Took it right up there and I took a great big slice
Now it’s on the floor, it’s no bigger than some mice
Took another hack, and now the procedure’s complete
Sewed him up real good before his blood start to deplete
Rushed right out the room before he could awake
Did the right thing, no I didn’t make a mistake
Aaron’s waitin’ patiently for his big surgery
And I swear to God that this is not no perjury
Attached the penis on, and his balls right on after
Now you got two dicks and four balls, lot of fucking laughter
They already know, they already know
Golfpecks has a fuse, he’s about to blow, ohhhhhhhhh, yeah
Cease that blasphemy , eeeeeeeee
Immediate, immediately
Tryna go up, up, up, all in
Too inappropriate, you know I’m ballin
This the end, this the end
No more blasphemy
Bitch, I blasphemed, hunned round ting
Bitch I’m a king, like Jordan, six rings
Golfpecks256, he a blood or a crip
Bitch Ima dip, if I see this bitch
Ima go running, Ima go stunting
Bitch I be sip, on Robatussin
Pockets be bussin’, my gun be Russian
Golf I get to rushin’, best stop the sussin’
Joined the B3 one day in this bitch
Yvng Danny, political activist
Know I be sippin’ on Actavis
When Golf saw me he started to piss
“Excuse me, cease that blasphemy”
Started to rebel and I dropped down on my knees
Not to blow him, just to get away so anxiously
But it start a war, how the fuck am I gon’ flee?
They already know, they already know
Golfpecks has a fuse, he’s about to blow, ohhhhhhhhh, yeah
Cease that blasphemy , eeeeeeeee
Immediate, immediately
Alrighty then, fast forward some time later
This album’s getting too long so I’ll spare the cater
First, shoutout Prim, he was talking ‘bout Gary Trump
Would’ve been better than Donald, now time for the bump
Now we all good, now we all good
I still hate you bud, but I understood
Had to do the deed, I swear to god, no perversion
Can’t name a motherfucker like Golf’s person
"Thank you, thank you!" SpongeCock says, as he bows and walks away. "Also, if you couldn't tell," he says, looking back, "April Fools, although I'm pretty sure it was fucking obvious before you even clicked here." The episode then cuts to black as it ends.
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