Ristar 9: Ristar takes Manhatten

== Plot ==
Ristar 9 has Ristar take over Manhatten in the other half of the universe on planet 11 next to planet 12 Skyrim. After Ristar owns all the drug money from Ristar 7 he tries to obtain more money on a power fueled rage. You can either terrorize/talk down/calm/or explode land owners and politicians to earn the deeds to the city blocks and amass a large amount of stocks/bond/ and property to make RIstar feel fullfilled in life. Meanwhile while Ristar does this you can do sidequests with other characters to take control of them and do missions specific to them. Harribo having levels in a street fighter style as you kill and eat opponants to fill Harribo's hunger. Dark Ristar as he goes to the store to buy almond milk. Barkley the corn Demon as he goes to alternate dimensions in search of treasure. Radical Red Ristar as he sneaks into building to destroy a massive conspiracy and plans to build a massive war mech Colbalt Rotator, the reasons of which can only be assumed to be because he likes this universe.
== Collectables ==
Throughout Manhatten Ristar can find hidden shards (100 of them can be found) to unlock the true ending at the end. Harribo collecting bones as he defeats more fighters, only being obtainable if he doesn't get knock down once a match. Dark Ristar having Almond milk. And Radical Red Ristar collecting gears to build a homing celery launcher, the only known weakness of cobalt.
If the player can collect all the collectables in the game they get the true true ending. Which even truer than the fact that Dark Ristar is gay.
== Script ==
(The game begins with Ristar flying in space after Ristarblem)
Ristar: Ow that hurt (looks down) ah crap im in space, if i don't get somewhere quick i'll drown.
(2 minutes pass)
Ristar: Oh thank god its my 69 foot castle in the distance if i get my arms around it i can stroke the magnetic top i can activate the bitch muncher pussy cruncher 9001 to attract my emergancy magnetic knee cap! (does that)
Ristar: Ok now that im home what next?
(Harribo and RRR burst in)
RRR:Woah what the heck how did you get here?
Ristar: Crunched some pussy
RRR: Oh
Harribo: What do we do now?
Ristar: Nothing Dark Ristar should be weakened for now we have time to do other things.
Harribo: Like what we spent the last 3 years building an army, now its over. We have nothing to do.
Ristar: We could check the bank for the intrest rates our exploits have garnerd
RRR: That's a good idea
(all check the bank)
Ristar: Holy hell im loaded! But i wonder how?
RRR: You took down the biggest drug ring in the last 1998 years believe me i'd know.
Harribo: I shoulda actually participated in that, all i have is a teachers salery i have 4 days left to live.
Ristar: Naw mate how about we all go around the planets and have a good time whilst Dark Ristar tries to rebuild his destroyed empire?
RRR: But i've been to every planet there is for millenia im kinda done with it.
Harribo: Well im hungry see ya (leaves)
Flying pisser general: Ristar the troops have uncovered a conspiracy against the universe!
RRR: I'll take this one, havn't seen this before. (leaves with flying pisser general)
Ristar: Man that guy is weird, better look for something to do. (Looks into war telescope) well all i can see is black...(checks telescope) oh wait this is the wrong telescope...(looks into normal telescope) Hmmm.
Ristar:(steeping back) Oh man Planet 12 looks boring as hell, who fucking likes bears, but planet 11? That looks pretty good. And pretty hm... exploitable as well if i already have this much money why not have more?
== Harribo's quest ==
Harribo: Excuse me sir what are you waiting in line for?
???: It's the ultimate half universal contest of ultimate beefdom the Bro-down.
Harribo: The bro-down?
???: Yep, its full of the toughest beefiest and most straight men you'll ever see compete for the ultimate prize!
Harribo: What is it?
???: What makes you think i'd fucking know?
Harribo:You know everything else about the contest it seems like you'd know.
???: I just read the poster, it's litterally right behind you.
Harribo: ...ok i'll enter.
(end of Harribo sidequest)
Announcer: AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE FINAL CONTEST HARRIBO VS ???... (aside) wait hold on why is this dudes name just question marks? What?! oh i spilled my mustard on it ok jeez no need to be rude. AS I WAS SAYING HARRIBO VS MUSIOLAX OPIODE. (cheers can be hear)
Harribo: What kinda name is that?
MO: The kinda name thats gonna kick your ass tiger boy!
Harribo: Oh you're the guy from earlier. So you won. But your not that beefy how did you win?
MO: You see little kitty my name isn't Opiode for nothin (flexes muscles so hard psychodelic air is released)
Harribo: That's fucking wrong
MO: The only thing thats wrong is your appendix when i squish it outta your skull
Harribo: How does that make fucking sense.
MO: IT DOESN'T
(50 hour fight scene)
MO: Nice try pal but i know you would eat me, luckily if you do then you'll be flooded with drugs.
Harribo: Im not gonna eat you anyways, if i don't then i'll get a favor outta you in a later game.
MO: I'll accept that.
Announcer: AND IT'S OVER FOLKS HARRIBO HAS WON AND HAS WON THE ULTIMATE PRIZE GIVE IT TO HIM LADIES!
(harribo gets his prize)
Harribo: Wow a genuine smash ultimate with geno. Is this legal?
Announcer: NO
Harribo: sweet (walks to Castle Ristar). *end*
== Dark Ristar's quest ==
Dark Ristar: (sitting on evil throne) god im sore, my face hurts, they betrayed me, they hit my face, and i don't care anymore. (walks to fridge) i could use some cereal but i'll need to put my milk in the bowl firrrr- oh shit im outta milk.
Dark Ristar: Hey Stew...STEW
Stew: What?
Dark Ristar: Im outta milk wheres the nearest store you being on of my generals you should know, you went to all my planets and fucking lost.
Stew: Ok fuck i get it you lost...Nearest store should be on Preeelj.
Dark Ristar: Thanks. (walks to exit) oh and clean up my aborted baby on floor if you can i forgot to clean it up.
Stew: Man he waited 3 years to talk to me again and now i gotta clean up a fucking fetus. maaaaaan i hate today.
(dark ristar goes to store)
Dark Ristar: Ok im back time to eat some captain crunch (eats). *end*
== Radical Red Ristar's quest ==
RRR: General ive infiltrated Shady Jehova.
General piss: Nice going Rake, by the way you now have a secret code name. Gaseous Rake.
GR: What a butt fuck name
GP: Yeah well if you want the reference to fit then you better fucking like it.
GP: Fine fine. Anyway make your way into the main base and find the Preeelj vice minister, he's being held captive and holds the codes to secret Sododiode missile launch
GR: You know one day we gotta stop going to the evil side of the universe
GP: Yeah well call me when it's not called that and we'll find another evil fiend for you to take down ok?
GR: Ok fine, what do i do now?
GP: We litterally had a 20 minute cutscene explaining this you idiot
GR: I time skipped from that i didn't wanna sit for 20 minutes.
GP: Why not just timeskip to where you need to be?
GR:... thats a good point
=== After getting cardboard box ===
GR: General i've found a cardboard box.
GP: No where not doing this right now.
GR: Doing what?
GP: You're not gonna talk about cardboard boxes and im not gonna tell you it's gonna save your life
GR: but general look at it its ju-
GP: NO WE ARE NOT GETTING INTO THIS CONVERSATION.
GR: Fine geez.
==== After timeskipping to end ====
GR: Ok general im here what now?
GP: I don't know
GR: you don't know?
GP: I do not know. I thought you'd gather intel to know how to destroy Cobalt Rotator.
GR: Naw
GP: Luckily our men have a plan B.
GR: Yeah go on
GP: Shoot science at it, that usually works.
GR: Imma give a solid no to that.
GP: Why? Like your right there fucking destroy it with science.
GR: Can't i just shoot it with a neko missile?
GP:No you dip. Don't you know cobalt is immune to candy waffers...and bullets...and explosives.
GR: Is it only weak to science?
GP: It's weak to ammonia as well but were would we get that out in the middle of space?
GR: Oh i have an idea. (Pisses on Cobalt Rotator)
Guy in CR: Hey HEY What are you doing?!
GR: Im taking care of my buisiness do you mind?
Guy in CR: Yes i do mind! This is new technology we have and here you are pissing on it!
GR: Ok and im trying to do my private buisiness right now.
Guy in CR: Hey wait why is this thing steaming right now?
GR: What can't handle a little ammonia?
Guy in CR: WHAT OH FUCK (jumps out of Cobalt Rotator but since its so high he dies when he lands)
(Crystal Rotator explodes)
GP: Great job Gaseous Rake back to base. *end of RRR quest.
== BtCD Quest ==
BtCD: I'm bored time to treasure!
(whole side game happens with minimal diolauge)
BtCD: Now that i have the emotion ray 2.0 i can uh.. oh i have no idea. (sends it through random multiverse portal)
== Ending ==
Ristar: Oh man i now have manhatten. With this i can uh... i can...
Ristar:...
Ristar:...what CAN i do now?
Ristar:...
Harribo: Hey wanna play smash bros?
Ristar: naw mate im trynna contemplate right now.
Harribo: Well if you need me i'll be in the castle. (leaves)
Ristar: Peace out man...
RRR: Hey dude i think im gonna stay in the timeline a little longer i like it here.
Ristar: What?
RRR: It was a jest what are you gonna do.
Ristar: I don't really know...
RRR: What do you mean you don't know?
Ristar: I have 8 planets under my control, half the universe respects me, and i controlled an army. Like what do i do?
RRR: Oh ok. I guess that makes sense. Maybe just destress play some games don't do much.
Ristar: But Dark Ristar could bust in any moment and try to destroy us. But like how likely is that? Would he even do that? Should i even prepare for him? Should i just eat some food?
RRR: Yeah man i guess so. But uh you got 2 weeks 6 hours 2:12 minutes max man.
Ristar: Why do you say that?
RRR: Just normal Dark Ristar stuff i learned during the war.
Ristar: It just seems like you'd know that kinda specific info if you were helping him, but i know ya weren't.
RRR: I guess i got good hindsight.
Ristar: You usually do.
RRR: So i guess i do. Is that it?
Ristar: I guess.
RRR: Ok imma play smash, you coming?
Ristar: Yeah.
(Emotion Ray 2.0 falls to ground)
Ristar: Huh whats this?
RRR: For once i don't know.
Ristar: Looks like a gun of sorts, better keep it for later.
RRR: Alright then lets play smash then.
== True Ending ==
(Same as ending until the end)
Ristar: Hold up you hear that?
Dark Ristar: IT'S OVER RISTAR I HAVE THE HIGH SPACE!
Ristar: Is that?
RRR: Dark Ristar on a giant almond milk goat? No but he is on a giant weaponized rebuilt castle.
Ristar: It's been like a week how did he do that?
Harribo: Are ya guys coming or whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa oh shit
Dark Ristar: COME OUT AND FACE ME.
Ristar: Oh boy
*To be continued*
== True True Ending ==
(Same as True ending until the end)
Ristar: Oh boy
Dark Ristar: AFTER SO MUCH TIME MY BUILDERS HAVE FINISHED MY 2ND MORE POWERFUL CASTLE
Ristar: Oh that explains it. But must he yell?
Harribo: How else would we hear him?
Ristar: makes sense.
RRR: I'm not staying to see this (time warps to next game)
Ristar: Goddamnit what now.
General Piss: Sir the calvery has prepare to block any attacks from Dark Ristar.
Ristar: Well for right now he's standing there menacingly
Dark Ristar: IMMA GIVE YA TILL THE COUNT OF X TO SURRENDER RISTAR. OR ELSE YOUR GONNA FACE MY FLAMETHROWERS, NO GAY PUNS JUST STRAIGHT UP FIRE.
Ristar: Oh fuck he's serious.
Dark Ristar: 1
Ristar: oh no
Dark Ristar: 2:And im gonna hit you with crystal shards
Dark Ristar: 3: and a bit of multiverse engineering
Dark Ristar: 4: then im gonna punch you with my first stone castle fist
Dark Ristar: 4 again: Then the other fist
Dark Ristar: 5 them im gonna shoot ya with mini bombaba mk3's
Dark Ristar: 6 then soon it's gonna the end of you Ristar
Dark Ristar: 7 then its gonna be a race to see what kills your first
Dark Ristar: imma eat some spaghetti im hungry
Dark Ristar: 9 then imma take your manhatten for myself bitch
Ristar: Ohhhhhh fuuuck
Dark Ristar: X then i'll- (fade to black)
To be continued.
== Trivia ==
This is known to be the only game where Radical Red Ristar has a protagonistic role for non story reasons. Since in Ristarblem he was a hidden character that doesn't count.
Dark Ristar's side quest was inspired by the time Steve Jobs went to the store to buy milk when he crashed his car into his fence.
It is unknown why BtCD's side quest has so little dialogue despite it being the 3rd longest side quest and being the only time BtCD has been playable.
BtCD is never explained to how he is in this game despite dying in Ristar 7. This may be due to the fact that he simply explodes and isn't stated to straight up die.
Ristar can find a 101 shard after the true true ending, It has no meaning towards the story but since it is the only purple shard to date it is thought to be important to the next game.
The emotion ray has appeared in 3 games and has never been used yet. It is unknown if it will ever be used.
Category:Games