Wild SpongeBob: Getting Wild

Wild SpongeBob: Getting Wild is a feature-length film of hit spin-off Wild SpongeBob. It was announced on July 18, 2021, and is currently in production. The movie is planned to release on August 7, 2021.
==Plot==
Patrick tries everything to stop crying like a baby, and gives up, until the Chips Ahoy cookie tells him that he can stop crying like a baby if he faces the 69 cringy challenges; SpongeBob uses the toilet really badly, and floods the world with crap; Sandy tries to solve the hardest math equation in the world: 9+10. However, nobody is helping her at all.
==Transcript==
(Crappy trumpet fanfare plays as the movie’s film slowly inches its way onto the screen. This takes around 50 entire seconds)
Narrator: Finally that’s over. Now, enjoy the movie. (snickers) Oh who am I kidding, this is absolute trash.
Nature Cat: Hey! This is not absolute trash! I play an extremely important role in this movie!
Narrator: Yeah yeah sure, whatever. Just roll the film.
(The movie begins with Patrick crying like a baby for the 1490495th time [yes, we counted] because he lost a game of Friday Night Funkin’)
Patrick: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! WHY CAN’T I WIN AT FRIDAY NIGHT FUCKIN- I MEAN FUNKIN?! THIS IS BULLSHIT! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
Squidward: Can you SHUT THE FUCK UP already? I’m trying to do something important here!
Patrick: Can it wait? I need to cry like a baby again.
Squidward: Again? Patrick, you've cried so many times it could be an entire series.
(Cut to a shot of Patrick’s bedroom with 42 entire complete season DVDs of Patrick Fails)
Patrick: I know, right?
Squidward: Ugh… just stop being a bitch, okay?
Patrick: No can do, Squidward. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
(Squidward’s eardrums jump out of his body)
Eardrum 1: Screw it, we’re outta here!
Eardrum 2: Yeah! Let’s go pick our noses in Squidward’s garden!
Squidward: My garden?! I have turnips growing in there, you fools!
Eardrum 1: Don’t care!
(The two of them jump out of the nearest window and head for the garden)
Squidward: Well shit. I’m gonna go pick my own nose. (he puts his tentacle in his nose and starts digging. Cut back to Patrick, who is still crying like a big fat baby)
Patrick: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- wait a second. I’m getting sick of this. I need to do something about all this baby crying stuff! But what?
Forest: Hey, your contract!
Patrick: Fuck your contract! I’m gonna stop crying like a baby even if I have to turn my rock upside down!
(Patrick flips his rock upside down, and cries like a baby)
Forest: This’ll make for a good season 43 episode! (he jots down notes on some notebook paper)
Patrick: That’s it! I’m gonna stop the waterworks right now!
Forest: Your contract, dummy.
(Patrick slaps Forest’s contract out of his hands)
Forest: Fine! Be that way! (cries like a baby)
Patrick: Wow, what a baby.
Forest: You’re one to talk! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
(Squidward accidentally gets his tentacle stuck in his nose after hearing Forest cry like a baby)
Squidward: God fucking damn it! Why is everyone crying like a baby today? First Patrick, and now this other guy! I just wanna pick my nose! Forget it, I’m scratching my butt instead.
(Squidward starts scratching his butt)
Patrick: Okay, let’s do this.
(Bubble transition to Patrick peeing in his toilet)
Patrick: Sorry, bathroom break.
(He accidentally pees on his foot and cries like a baby)
Patrick: Damn it.
(Patrick throws a coin into a wishing well, and it hits the ground)
Patrick: I wish for a bigger butt!
(Nothing happens, and Patrick cries like a baby)
(Patrick plays Minecraft)
Patrick: Ah, nothing like some soothing Minecraft. Hopefully this helps calm me down and helps me learn not to cry like a-
(A phantom hits him and he dies, making him cry like a baby)
(Patrick listens to some music)
Patrick: Nothing like soothing the mind with some music!
Golfpecks: MUSIC IS THE ENEMY OF PRODUCTIVITY!
(Golf yeets Patrick’s headphones and laptop out of the way and starts chomping on a strawberry)
Golfpecks: GO NEW ENGLAND SEAGULLS! MY BANANA IS REALLY HARD RIGHT NOW! (disappears)
Patrick: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
(Patrick goes into Sandy’s time machine and travels a year into the future)
Patrick: Hopefully I’ve matured enough in a whole year to stop crying like a baby.
(Patrick then stubs his foot on a tiny pebble and cries like a baby)
(Patrick tries to do some Zumba dancing to Old Town Road)
Patrick: I GOT THE HORSES IN THE BACK, HORSE TACK IS ATTACHED, HAT IS PATTY BLACK AND GOT THE POOP JUST BLACK TO MATCH! 
(He then falls on his ass while trying to dance, making him cry like a baby)
(Meanwhile, Sandy is trying to solve a complex math problem on her chalkboard)
Sandy: Hmm… hmm…. Hmmmmmmmm… this is really difficult.
(The chalkboard says “2+2”. Sandy pulls out a preschool math book)
Sandy: And this is just PREschool?! What in tarnation?!
(Sandy then paces around the room, thinking)
Sandy: So two is two, and another two is… what’s two plus two again? Damn it, that’s the problem! One… two… one… two… this is really hard. I'm gonna have to consult Alexa for this one. Hey Alexa, what's two plus two?
Alexa: Sorry Sandy, it seems you're not connected to the internet.
(Sandy karate chops Alexa)
Sandy: Well she’s no help. What to do now? Hmm… guess I'll just pace around the treedome again.
(She starts pacing again, thinking)
(Back to Patrick, he is making himself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich)
Patrick: (opening the pantry) Peanut butter, where are you?
Peanut butter: Psst! Hey jelly, let's hide so that dimwit doesn't find us.
Jelly: Good idea!
(They hide behind some of Patrick’s used diapers, and Patrick is left confused)
Patrick: I could've sworn I left them right here. Well darn it! (cries like a baby)
Forest: Oh yeah this is the stuff.
Patrick: WOULD YOU GET OUT OF HERE?
Forest: Fine. (vanishes)
Patrick: There's gotta be something I can do that helps me not cry like a baby.
TV: Try antidepressants, you moron.
Patrick: Awesome!
(Cut to Patrick at the store buying antidepressants)
Cashier: Pretty sad lately huh?
Patrick: Yeah. Everything I do makes me cry like a baby.
Cashier: Hey you're the star of Patrick Fails! My 2 year old son won't stop watching it. Please help for the love of-
(Patrick takes the antidepressants)
Patrick: I don't give a crap, good day.
(He then leaves the store with a happy face)
Patrick: I'm no longer gonna be sad! I'm no longer gonna be sad! (cries like a baby)
(Cut back to Sandy, who is still thinking about the math problem)
Sandy: Hmm… this is a dilemma. Two plus two is… what number is two numbers after two? I failed math every single time in school so I forgot how to count. One… two… gravy… feces… CrazySponge… Golfpecks… FireMatch… 1033Forest… aha! Piss! 2+2 is piss! Wait no, that doesn't seem right. Piss is what happens when I use the toilet. Damn it!
(Sandy farts)
Sandy: Oops! Excuse me.
(Meanwhile, SpongeBob is reading the newspaper when he feels a sudden urge)
SpongeBob: I GOTTA TAKE A FUCKING DUMP!
Gary: Meow?
SpongeBob: Be right back, Gary!
(SpongeBob rushes to the bathroom, and shuts the door behind him. Lots of crappy noises are heard)
SpongeBob: Wow I really needed to go.
(After an entire two minutes of shitting, he's finally done, and flushes the toilet)
SpongeBob: That's the worst shit I've ever had in my entire life. But it was worth it, right?
Gary: Meow.
(Suddenly, massive stink fumes start coming out of the bathroom)
SpongeBob: Uh oh, that can't be good. Can't get any worse though, right?
(In the sewers down below, SpongeBob’s crap starts building up in one spot, and a few moments later, the entire sewer spits it all out into the town)
SpongeBob: (sniffs) Yeesh, now it smells even worse! What happened?
(His TV turns on to the news)
Perch: Breaking news! Local citizen SpongeBob SquarePants has filled the entire town’s sewage with crap, and now it's everywhere! (A turd hits his face) I better go clean up. And now Nature Cat with the weather…
Nature Cat: As for the weather today, it looks like it's a worldwide shitstorm! You heard me. Not just Bikini Bottom, but all of planet earth is currently covered in feces!
(Cut back to Patrick, who is taking the antidepressants with a glass of Bubly sparkling water)
Patrick: Huh. I'm suddenly feeling better now. Let's watch some television to celebrate!
(He turns on the TV)
Nature Cat: You heard me, I repeat, a literal shitstorm has hit the globe! (a turd lands on his hat) GOOD GOD! (runs away)
Patrick: Don't do it… don't you do it…. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! DAMN IT! They didn't help! I'm gonna sue the makers of this drug for not helping me with my problem! I'll do that later though. First I gotta bathe in my own sadness.
(Patrick gets in his bathtub and rolls around in it, crying like a baby)
Patrick: Forget stopping the crying. I give up. There's no way I can stop crying like a baby.
(Suddenly, the Chips Ahoy cookie appears in front of him)
Chips Ahoy cookie: Don't give up, Patrick! There is a way!
Patrick: (sniffles) Oh yeah? And what's that?
Chips Ahoy cookie: You have to get through… the 69 cringy challenges!
(Golfpecks suddenly appears)
Golfpecks: MEMES ARE THE ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE! MAY ALL OF YOU BE CURSED WITH THE MEMECURSE! I CAN SENSE THE FORCE APPROACHING!
Chips Ahoy cookie: Ugh, this guy. (snaps his fingers to make Golfpecks disappear)
Patrick: Why are there 69 cringy challenges?
Chips Ahoy cookie: You know. The funny number?
Patrick: Oh yeah, that! Yeah, I'll do it. As long as it stops me from crying like a baby once and for all.
Chips Ahoy cookie: Trust me, it will.
Patrick: Hooray! Let's get started!
Chips Ahoy cookie: Okay, but first I have to go shoot another hip and rad commercial for TV.
(The cookie hops out of Patrick’s rock, and Patrick continues to cry like a baby)
(Meanwhile, citizens of Bikini Bottom are starting to notice the shitstorm)
Fred: What a lovely day!
(A turd falls onto his leg)
Fred: MY LEG! MY BEAUTIFUL LEG! RUINED BY A BLASTED TURD!
(A kid fish is doing Fortnite dances when he smells the foul odor)
Kid: Eugh! Hey, that's what the boyfriend from Friday Night Funkin says! Eugh! Beep!
Kid’s mom: (pulls out gun) It's time, Charlie…
Kid’s dad: Honey what the fuck
(Poop rains down onto Poopla)
Poopla: YEAH! POOPLA!
(He grabs a trash can to collect the crap)
Hoopla: I must say that's pretty shitty. Get it?
Jasbre: Boo.
(Carl from Selling Out is seen eating the shit)
Hoopla: bro what the fuck are you doing
Carl: I was starving!
(Hoopla gags)
(Meanwhile back at Patrick's rock)
Patrick: D’oh, I need to do something while I wait for these 69 challenges. Hmm…
(He does the deep dab, and the Chips Ahoy cookie reappears)
Patrick: AHHH! (cries like a baby)
Chips Ahoy cookie: Let’s just get this over with. Okay, challenge number one, do the deep dab.
Patrick: I just did that.
Chips Ahoy cookie: Okay good. Challenge number two, do the orange justice dance from popular game Fortnite.
(Patrick does the orange justice)
Chips Ahoy cookie: Challenge number three: drink from milk in a bag.
Patrick: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
(The cookie slaps Patrick in the face)
Chips Ahoy cookie: Just do it.
Patrick: Fine.
(The cookie gives Patrick a bag of milk, and he struggles to find out how to drink it)
Patrick: Can you give any hints?
Chips Ahoy cookie: No I can’t.
Patrick: Damn it!
(Back in Squidward’s house, Squidward is currently playing Mary Had a Little Lamb on his clarinet)
Squidward: Ah, sweet solitude. I think my day is finally getting better. I think scratching my butt really helped my mood.
(Just then, he hears Patrick crying like a baby again)
Squidward: I hate neighbors. Back to masturbating!
(Cut back to Patrick’s rock, where he is drinking the bagged milk through a straw)
Chips Ahoy cookie: Finally. Fourth challenge is to… live in France.
Patrick: WHAT?! BUT FRANCE SUCKS!
(The cookie snaps his fingers and they appear in Paris, France)
Zoltan: FUCK THE FRENCH!
Patrick: Why is this a challenge?
Chips Ahoy cookie: Everyone in Bikini Bottom hates the French, everybody knows that.
Patrick: Oh yeah.
Chips Ahoy cookie: (looks at his watch) Eh, good enough. Fifth challenge… (snaps his fingers to return back to the rock) is to live!
Patrick: I’m already doing that.
Chips Ahoy cookie: GREAT! Sixth challenge is to… drink ketchup.
(The cookie gives Patrick a ketchup bottle)
Patrick: Down the hatch… (he chugs the ketchup bottle, and spits it all over the cookie)
Chips Ahoy cookie: Looks like someone’s on their period already. I’ll let it slide. Seventh challenge… is to fart!
Patrick: Something tells me you’re making up these challenges on the spot.
Chips Ahoy cookie: That’s because I am. NOW DO IT!
(Patrick farts)
Chips Ahoy cookie: Smells nice. Eighth challenge is to smoke some crack.
Patrick: Oh this one’s hard.
(The cookie gives Patrick crack, and Patrick smokes it, only for Brian to appear)
Brian: What the fuck?!
Patrick: Heh, just like Family Guy.
(Brian disappears)
Chips Ahoy cookie: Your ninth challenge is to go outside.
Patrick: Why is that a challenge?
Chips Ahoy cookie: Did you forget about SpongeBob’s subplot?
Patrick: I kinda did, yeah.
(Patrick goes outside and sees the floor is laid with crap)
Patrick: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
Chips Ahoy cookie: We better zoom through these quickly or I’m gonna lose my sanity. Tenth challenge is to solve 2+2.
Patrick: 4, right?
Chips Ahoy cookie: Correct!
(Meanwhile in Sandy’s treedome…)
Sandy: I still can’t solve this equation! WHAT IS TWO PLUS TWO GODDAMNIT?!
(She has a temper tantrum on the floor, and when she’s done, takes a few deep breaths)
Sandy: Okay, Sandy, you can do this.
(She stares at the mostly empty chalkboard for a few seconds, then has another tantrum)
Sandy: I bet if Patrick saw this problem he’d have an aneurysm.
(Back at Patrick’s…)
Chips Ahoy cookie: Your eleventh challenge is to make yourself vomit.
Patrick: (already nauseous from the poop smell) That’s easy.
(Patrick vomits, and Lois appears)
Lois: Who wants chowder?
(Patrick vomits again)
Chips Ahoy cookie: I guess I didn’t need to tell you what the twelfth challenge was… to throw up again. Thirteenth challenge is to break this very mirror.
(The cookie holds a mirror in front of Patrick, and it immediately breaks)
Chips Ahoy cookie: Wow you’re hideous. Fourteenth challenge is to recite all of Astronaut in the Ocean.
Patrick: Easy peasy.
Astro-naut
What you know about rollin' down in the deep?
When your brain goes numb, you can call that mental freeze
When these people talk too much, put that shit in slow motion, yeah
I feel like an astronaut in the ocean, ayy
What you know about rollin' down in the deep?
When your brain goes numb, you can call that mental freeze
When these people talk too much, put that shit in slow motion, yeah
I feel like an astronaut in the ocean
She say that I'm cool (damn straight)
I'm like "yeah, that's true" (that's true)
I believe in G-O-D (ayy)
Don't believe in T-H-O-T
She keep playing me dumb (play me)
I'ma play her for fun (uh-huh)
Y'all don't really know my mental
Lemme give you the picture like stencil
Falling out, in a drought
No flow, rain wasn't pouring down (pouring down)
See, that pain was all around
See, my mode was kinda lounged
Didn't know which-which way to turn
Flow was cool but I still felt burnt
Energy up, you can feel my surge
I'ma kill everything like this purge (ayy)
Let's just get this straight for a second, I'ma work
Even if I don't get paid for progression, I'ma get it (get it)
Everything that I do is electric
I'ma keep it in a motion, keep it moving like kinetic, ayy (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Put this shit in a frame, better know I don't blame
Everything that I say, man I seen you deflate
Let me elevate, this ain't a prank
Have you walkin' on a plank, la-la-la-la-la, like
Both hands together, God, let me pray (now let me pray)
Uh, I've been going right, right around, call that relay (Masked Wolf)
Pass the baton, back and I'm on
Swimming in the pool, Kendrick Lamar, uh
Want a piece of this, a piece of mine, my peace a sign
Can you please read between the lines?
My rhyme's inclined to break your spine
They say that I'm so fine
You could never match my grind
Please do not, not waste my time
What you know about rollin' down in the deep?
When your brain goes numb, you can call that mental freeze
When these people talk too much, put that shit in slow motion, yeah
I feel like an astronaut in the ocean, ayy
What you know about rollin' down in the deep?
When your brain goes numb, you can call that mental freeze
When these people talk too much, put that shit in slow motion, yeah
I feel like an astronaut in the ocean
Chips Ahoy cookie: What did I expect? Anyway, the fifteenth challenge is to read Welcome to Fancyland!.
Patrick: Nobody reads that garbage.
Chips Ahoy cookie: Liz wants you to.
Patrick: Ugh, fine.
(36 episodes later…)
Patrick: Welp, I did it and I’m a lot older now.
Chips Ahoy cookie: Coolio. Sixteenth challenge is to burp the first 16 letters of the alphabet.
Patrick: Way ahead of you. (he goes into his fridge to get a Mtn Dew Baja Freeze, chugs it, and starts burping) A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P.
Chips Ahoy cookie: Wow, better than expected. Seventeenth challenge is to watch the Emoji Movie.
Patrick: At least it’s better than this movie.
Chips Ahoy cookie: True!
(One Emoji Movie later…)
Patrick: WAAAAAA-
CA cookie: I got so tired of you crying that I decided to abbreviate my name in the transcript. Eighteenth challenge is to listen to Whole Lotta Red by Playboi Carti.
Patrick: Oh I heard that’s absolute garbage
CA cookie: Exactly.
Patrick: (puts on headphones) Time to listen to this fucker of an album.
(One album later…)
Patrick: (takes off headphones) My ears are bleeding.
CA cookie: GREAT! Nineteenth challenge is to take a fat shit.
Patrick: Time to channel my inner Fatprick for this one.
(Patrick goes to the bathroom, and is heard using the restroom)
CA cookie: Good thing I don’t have a nose.
(One shit later…)
Patrick: Ah. Much better.
Fred: (offscreen) MY NOSE!
CA cookie: Ah, I love others suffering. That’s why I’m having you do 69 challenges instead of just my usual 10. Anyway, the twentieth challenge is to toss this salad!
(CA cookie gives Patrick a salad to toss. He yeets the salad against the wall of the rock, causing an earthquake)
CA cookie: I’m sure everything will be just fine.
(Meanwhile in Mainland China…)
Chinese fish: Wow I sure love being censored by the government-
Chinese government: I SENTENCE YOU TO DEATH!
(The Chinese fish gets killed by the government. Just then, the earthquake hits China)
Other Chinese fish: Oh god oh fuck
Chinese government: NO SWEARING!
(The other Chinese fish is also killed by the government)
(Cut back to Patrick’s rock)
CA cookie: Okay, that was an interesting Family Guy cutaway. Twenty-first challenge is to drink beer!
Patrick: Oh boy! Alcoholism!
(The cookie gives Patrick an entire gallon of beer, and he starts chugging)
CA cookie: Feeling anything yet?
Patrick: N-Nope!
(His eyes slowly get more and more drunken as he finishes the gallon of beer, and he finishes off with a giant burp bubble and a fart)
Patrick: Patrick made a fart!
CA cookie: Cool. Your twenty-second challenge is to cut to a subplot.
Patrick: Pfft, easy peasy.
(Cut to an angry mob trying to knock down SpongeBob’s door)
SpongeBob: Hey hey everyone! All I did was take a huge ass shit!
(Someone with a crowbar pries the door open, and SpongeBob yelps. Cut back to Patrick’s rock)
CA cookie: Well that was interesting to say the least. The twenty-third challenge is to use FandomDesktop. Oasis is retiring soon anyway.
Patrick: WHAT? WAAAAAAA-
CA cookie: Get a hold of yourself, Mr. Star! Now use it!
(Patrick goes on his computer and forces himself to use FandomDesktop on SBFW)
Patrick: This is awful! Why would anyone use this?!
CA cookie: I know right? Even as a cringe king such as myself I’d never use it voluntarily. You can stop now.
Patrick: Thank Neptune.
CA cookie: Now, your twenty-fourth challenge is to find a number funnier than twenty-four.
Patrick: (snickers) Twenty-five!
CA cookie: correct! Now for your twenty-fifth challenge: Watch Overnight Success!
Patrick: What’s so bad about that episode?
CA cookie: I dunno, I just know Granite despises it.
Patrick: Okay then.
(Eleven minutes later…)
Patrick: Eh, not bad at all. Next!
CA cookie: Your twenty-sixth challenge is to-
Asdfmovie guy: EVERYBODY DO THE FLOP!
(Everyone flops)
CA cookie: Guess that guy did it for me. Your twenty-seventh challenge is to file your teeth with a nail file.
Patrick: Ooh, I’ve always wanted to do that! My teeth are a bit crooked.
(Patrick gets out a spare nail file and starts filing down his front teeth, making cringeworthy sounds along with it)
CA cookie: Glad that’s not me.
Patrick: Done! Ow! Why do my teeth hurt?
CA cookie: Never mind that. The twenty-eighth challenge is putting a penny into an electrical socket.
Patrick: Those things always looked hungry.
(Patrick unplugs his toaster and puts a penny from his pocket into the “mouth” of the socket, electrocuting him)
Patrick: Worth it…
CA cookie: Your twenty-ninth challenge is to FINISH THAT STUPD FUCKING SANDY SUBPLOT I SWEAR TO-
(Cut to Patrick walking up to Sandy’s treedome)
Patrick: So, what’s the subplot?
CA cookie: She can’t figure out what 2+2 is.
Patrick: Wow, how pathetic. (he knocks on the treedome’s door, and Sandy answers)
Sandy: WHAT DO YOU WANT? I HAVE GONE INSANE OVER HERE!
Patrick: Uhh… do you seriously not know what 2+2 is?
Sandy: NO!!!!!!
Patrick: It’s 4.
(Sandy spontaneously combusts)
Patrick: Well that subplot’s over and done with. What now?
CA cookie: Now it’s time for your thirtieth challenge: The cereal bowl challenge!
Patrick: What’s that?
CA cookie: It’s where you use your mouth as a cereal bowl while someone else eats out of it.
Patrick: EW GROSS!
CA cookie: Do you want to stop crying like a baby or not?
Patrick: Ugh, fine… (opens his mouth)
(CA cookie pours milk and some Cheerios into Patrick’s mouth and begins eating)
Patrick: Can we stop now?
CA cookie: Shut it, cereal bowl! I haven’t eaten in hours!
(A few minutes later, the cookie is finished eating out of Patrick’s mouth)
Patrick: Jesus, that was AWFUL!
CA cookie: Blame TikTok. Your next challenge, challenge 31, is to watch Ruthless People!
Patrick: Hey isn't that this writer’s least favorite loud house episode?
CA cookie: Indeed it is. Now hop to it or continue crying like a baby!
(11 minutes later…)
(Patrick smashes the TV with his fist)
Patrick: DIE TV DIE!
CA cookie: Whoa there. Your loss. Anyways, your thirty-second challenge is a cinnamon challenge!
Patrick: Cinnamon? Oh that's not so bad.
CA cookie: RAW cinnamon.
(The cookie shoves a bunch of cinnamon down Patrick’s throat, and he gets lit on fire)
Patrick: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- (farts) Much better.
CA cookie: I honestly expected much worse. Your thirty-third challenge is to die.
Patrick: Wait wut
CA cookie: You heard me, die.
Patrick: Ok. (dies, and soon comes back)
CA cookie: Well we are in a cartoon so I'm not surprised. Your thirty-fourth challenge is to yell at the top of your lungs. We do a little trolling around here.
Patrick: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
CA cookie: (covering nonexistent ears) Good, good… Challenge number thirty-five is-
Squidward: WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP?
CA cookie: I gotta handle this. One second.
(Cookie hops out of the rock to confront Squidward)
Squidward: Can you get Patrick to shut his damn pinholes? I'm trying to touch myself!
CA cookie: Eek, TMI.
Squidward: Yeah, so if you would be so kindly to-
(Cookie kicks Squidward in the crotch)
Squidward: MY FUCKING TESTES! I HAD ALL THAT SAVED FOR A RAINY DAY!
CA cookie: I'm not even gonna ask.
Patrick: Hey! What's my next challenge?
CA cookie: Your thirty-fifth challenge is to KICK SQUIDWARD’S ASS!
Patrick: Alright, anal penetration!
Squidward: Patrick, I’M NOT GAY-
(Patrick kicks him in the ass, making it throb and turn bright red)
Patrick: Now that's satisfying!
CA cookie: Good job, Patrick. Now for your thirty-sixth challenge: it's to eat like CrazySponge for a day.
Patrick: What does he eat?
(CrazySponge suddenly appears)
CrazySponge: that means you can only eat cheerios, pasta, yogurt, twizzlers, ice cream, and drink water
Patrick: NOOOOOOO- hey I love ice cream let's do this.
(1 day later)
CA cookie: So… how do you feel?
Patrick: WAAAAAAAAAAAA- (CA cookie puts a cork in his mouth, and Patrick spits it out) Fine. What's my next challenge?
CA cookie: Your thirty-seventh challenge is to breathe.
Patrick: Who came up with that one?
CA cookie: Jasbre.
Patrick: Well thank Jasbre. (He breathes)
CA cookie: Good job kid. Your thirty-eighth challenge is the hold a loaded gun next to your head with your finger on the trigger challenge!
Patrick: Who keeps coming up with all these challenges?!
CA cookie: The SBFW Discord.
Patrick: Oh that makes sense. (The Cookie gives Patrick a gun, and he does the challenge, and he fucking dies)
CA cookie: OH GOD OH FUCK anyways I need to take a dump so we’ll be right back-
(Patrick reappears out of thin air)
Patrick: So how did I do?
CA cookie: Great. Your thirty-ninth challenge is to PUT MY BALLS IN YO JAWS
Patrick: BALLS IN YO JAWS
CA cookie: CAN I CAN I CAN I CAN IIIII- okay I think that's enough. Fortieth challenge is to eat shit.
Patrick: Oh boy!
CA cookie: You know you have to eat the entire world, right?
Patrick: Yeah but at least my scat fetish will be quenched!
CA cookie: Your what
Patrick: Never mind. (He goes outside and starts eating crap on the sidewalks) This’ll take a while.
(Squidward opens his bedroom window)
Squidward: HA! You have to eat shit! That shit’s hilarious!
Patrick: You can kiss my fat ass, Squidturd! This is serious shit right here.
(Patrick continues to eat all the crap in Bikini Bottom)
Fred: Go Patrick! Hey, why isn't SpongeBob the one eating all the crap?
Patrick: It's one of my 69 challenges the cookie told me.
Fred: Oh yeah that cookie. Carry on then.
(Patrick once again continues to eat the rest of Bikini Bottom’s waste, and at the end he is completely full and very fat)
Devon: HOT! 
Squidward: Inflation fetish moment.
Devon: I DO NOT HAVE AN INFLATION FETISH! Wanna make out, Patrick?
Patrick: Go suck a dick.
Devon: Can I suck yours?
Patrick: ...no.
Devon: Aww you're no fun…
CA cookie: You realize you gotta do that for the rest of the world, right?
Patrick: Oh yeah… great… 
(Patrick goes on a very long journey to eat all the waste SpongeBob caused to spew out. Meanwhile, Squidward is playing Wheels on the Bus his clarinet very badly)
Random bystander: YOU!
Squidward: Golfpecks?
Random bystander: No! I mean you, as in, STOP PLAYING THAT PUTRID MUSIC! IT’S MAKING ME GO DEAF!
(Just then, the bystander goes deaf)
Squidward: You don't know true talent if it hit you in the ears!
Bystander: What?!
Squidward: Deaf bastard…
Bystander: WHAT?! (he walks away, giving up)
(3 shitty days later…)
Patrick: Okay I ate all the crap in the world and now I no longer have a scat fetish. What's next? (brushes his tongue with a dirty toothbrush)
CA cookie: Your forty-first challenge is to annoy Squidward.
Patrick: Oh that's easy. HEY SQUIDWARD!
Squidward: SHUT THE FUCK UP!
CA cookie: You weren't kidding. Your forty-second challenge is to do… the technique.
Patrick: Technique?
(SpongeBob suddenly appears)
SpongeBob: Remember: licking doorknobs is illegal on other planets.
Patrick: Darn, I thought you were here to teach me the technique.
SpongeBob: Oh right. First go like this, spin around. Stop! Double take three times: one, two, three. Then pelvic thrust! Whoooo! Whooooooo! Stop on your right foot, don't forget it! Now it's time to bring it around town. Bring-it-around-town. Then you do this, then this, and this, and that, and-this-and-that-and-this-and-that, and then… (rips out a huge ass fart)
Patrick: Damn. Nice fart, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Why thank you, Patrick. I've been training my ass for the farting competition.
Patrick: So…. technique. (Patrick does the technique in an awkward fashion)
SpongeBob: Well, see you at the condom emporium! (He quickly disappears)
CA cookie: Intriguing. Your forty-third challenge is to guess what page in Google Docs we’re on.
Patrick: How am I supposed to know?
(CA cookie pulls up this very document that’s being written for this movie)
Patrick: Ohh. 22.
CA cookie: Correct! Onto your next challenge. Number forty-three: do the Blue Whale Challenge.
(Patrick instantly dies)
CA cookie: Wow he actually did it.
(Patrick reappears)
Patrick: How did I do?
CA cookie: Wonderful. Your forty-fourth challenge is to steal Squidward’s clarinet, shove it up your bumhole, and sing Mary Had a Little Lamb.
Patrick: Oddly specific but okay.
(Patrick goes over to Squidward’s house and breaks down the door)
Squidward: WHAT THE?! I just had that replaced an hour ago!
(Patrick goes upstairs into Squidward’s bedroom and snatches his clarinet from his case next to the bed)
Squidward: WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY BABY BOY CLARRY?!
Patrick: Something very… (making a derpy face) suggestive.
(He shoves the clarinet up his butt and starts singing Mary Had a Little Lamb)
Squidward: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
Patrick: Haha, I made YOU cry like a baby!
Squidward: Suck my dick, Patrick!
Patrick: Sorry, I’ll pass. I just finished another challenge!
Squidward: How many of these things are you gonna do?
Patrick: 69.
Squidward: Hilarious. Now get out.
(Squidward yeets Patrick out the window and back into his rock)
Squidward: (taking out a photo) Oh Squilvia, how sexy you are!
(Cut back to the rock)
CA cookie: I see you got him good. Your forty-fifth challenge is to DAB ON THE. HATERS, YO! 
(Air horns play as cookie dabs)
Patrick: Awesome! (Dabs really hard and snaps his neck) OWW!
CA cookie: Well you know what they say, it hurts to be this hip. Your forty-sixth challenge is to turn into a chicken nugget!
Patrick: Oh, I've done that before.
(He turns into a chicken nugget. Funniest shit ever seen)
CA cookie: Wait, you've done it before? Huh. Anyway, your forty-seventh challenge is to sell your soul to the devil.
Patrick: Oh I did that years ago.
CA cookie: wait wut
(Credits roll, but unroll after Patrick eats them)
CA cookie: Ahem. Your forty-eighth challenge is to search up American Dad hentai.
Patrick: WAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
(Cut to Patrick looking at American Dad hentai)
Patrick: Why do they have porn… OF A FISH?!
CA cookie: Pretty cool amirite? You can be done now.
(Patrick turns off his computer and sighs in relief)
CA cookie: You're about two-thirds of the way there. We're getting closer. Your forty-ninth challenge is to-
Spotify: WANT A BREAK FROM THE ADS?
Patrick: No!
Spotify: CLICK HERE TO WATCH AN AD FOR 30 MINUTES OF AD FREE MUSIC!
(Several seconds pass by, and the Spotify ad stops playing)
 
CA cookie: Let's just skip challenge forty-nine. It's not fandom friendly anyway. Up next is the big fifty! Round of burpplause for fifty!
(Patrick burps exactly 72 times, and then a walking number 50 shows up)
Fifty: BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH MOMENT!
(Laugh track)
Fifty: Thank you, thank you. Goodbye everyone, see you in the next one. (Vanishes)
FECKFODK GOOLGELL CA cookie: Pretty good show huh?
Patrick: I feel the sudden urge to masturbate.
CA cookie: That's nice. Your fifty-first challenge is to smoke this weed here.
(Cookie gives Patrick a blunt, and Patrick smokes it)
Patrick: This blunt ain't shit- WIFSJ3FJRVDI$JDIEDJWIFJWIC8393939XK$FOWOC
(2 hours later…)
Patrick: GGRG…. 3OFK… E95F… $&’R… ohh. Now I'm exhausted.
CA cookie: Congratulations. Your fifty-second challenge is to go to sleep.
Patrick: Good, I need some sleep.
(Patrick sleeps and snores on the ground)
CA cookie: Wow, that was quick.
(Zee next day…)
Clam: SUCK MY COCK A DOODLE DOOOOOOOOOO!
(Squidward stretches and gets out of bed. Meanwhile, Patrick wakes up from the ground and sees that the Chips Ahoy cookie is there waiting for him)
Patrick: Oh right, the challenges. What's the next one?
CA cookie: Your fifty-third challenge is to say every word that Fandom doesn't allow.
Patrick: (inhales) [BLEEP] [BLEEP] [BLEEP] [BLEEP] [BLEEP] [BLEEP] [BLEEP] [BLEEP], and finally… [BLEEP]
CA cookie: Wow. I didn't even know that last one.
Patrick: Yeah Fandom likes to fart on their butts when it comes to blocking people. They will never find Markiplier.
CA cookie: Much sad. Your fifty-fourth challenge is to jump through a pit of tigers!
Patrick: Wait, why does this one actually sound normal?
CA cookie: (reads paper) This challenge was suggested by Existant202.
(They both teleport to the Bikini Bottom Zoo, where they stand next to a pit of tigers)
Patrick: Welp, here goes….
(Patrick leaps into the pit and runs through, getting bitten several times along the way. At the end, he hops out of the pit and is severely injured)
Patrick: Good thing I regenerate. 
(Patrick rips off all his limbs and they all instantly regrow)
(Cookie snaps his fingers and they reappear in Patrick’s rock)
CA cookie: Okay, this is taking way too much time. LIGHTNING ROUND! Challenge fifty-five: eat a Carolina reaper.
(Patrick eats a reaper and his insides are lit on fire)
Patrick: IT BURNS!
CA cookie: Challenge fifty-six: Eat SpongeBob whole!
(SpongeBob suddenly appears, currently watching furry porn)
SpongeBob: WHERE THE FUCK AM I?
Patrick: Bottoms up!
(Patrick fits his entire mouth onto SpongeBob, and swallows him whole)
SpongeBob: (inside stomach) Any reason why there's a condom in here? And a PornHub keychain?
Patrick: Umm… next challenge!
CA cookie: Challenge fifty-seven: Wait exactly 69 seconds.
(A clock starts ticking on the wall)
Patrick: Heh, nice.
(Tick)
Patrick: So, do you fart?
CA cookie: I have been told I have a very fine ass, so yes.
(Tick)
Patrick: Do people ever mistake your chocolate chips for poop?
CA cookie: Far too often. Once someone used me as toilet paper.
(Tick)
CA cookie: Oh, the time’s up. Challenge fifty-eight: Become the perfect Discord mod.
Patrick: I'm already overweight and have a terrible diet. Plus I get arrogant at times, from what people tell me.
CA cookie: GREAT! Maybe you can mod my amogus server sometime. Challenge fifty-nine: Watch the first episode of Friends.
(Zoltan appears)
Zoltan: NO! DON’T DO IT!
Patrick: Come on, it can't be that bad at all.
Zoltan: IT HAS SEX IN IT!
Patrick: Sex on TV, now where have I heard that before? Well, time to get to watching,
(30 minutes later…)
Patrick: It was okay.
Zoltan: die (disappears)
CA cookie: Now for your sixtieth challenge: Listen to Father of All.
Golfpecks: (suddenly appearing) MUSIC IS THE ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE!
Patrick: Oh come on, just get out of my house already!
Golfpecks: Nope.
(Patrick puts his headphones on)
Patrick: Let's do this.
(One album later…) 
(Patrick’s ears are visibly bleeding)
Patrick: Next challenge…. please… I'm surprised I'm not crying like a baby right now.
CA cookie: Challenge sixty-one: Get in the fridge.
Patrick: Oh good, I'm hungry.
CA cookie: No, I mean literally get inside your fridge.
Patrick: Oh.
(Patrick opens up his sand fridge and squeezes himself into the only empty space left)
Patrick: Did I do it?
CA cookie: Yep, you did. Now for your sixty-second challenge: Take an IQ test. I set one up on your computer just now.
Patrick: Are you like a god or something?
CA cookie: You ask this only now?
Narrator: While these goofballs do their last few challenges, let's catch up on someone else.
(Cut to Nature Cat kicking himself in the ass)
Nature Cat: Damn it, I meant to kick myself in the balls, not the ass!
Mouse from Nature Cat: Nature Cat what the fuck are you doing
Nature Cat: What does it look like I'm doing?
Mouse: Harmful gymnastics?
Nature Cat: Well technically, yes.
Mouse: Count the mouse out!
(She then starts reading a book called “How to End a Movie Subplot”)
Nature Cat: So how do you end the su-
(Cut back to Patrick and the Chips Ahoy cookie, where a montage of the last challenges plays)
CA cookie: Sixty-three: Fruit Ninja IRL Not Clickbait!
(Patrick tried to play IRL Fruit Ninja while random 21st century humor sounds play)
CA cookie: Sixty-four: Backwards long jump!
(Patrick yahoo's against the wall, and eventually clips right through the entire town and ends up in Rock Bottom)
CA cookie: Sixty-five: BSOD!
(Patrick turns into a BSOD and the error sound plays)
CA cookie: Sixty-six: Sell your soul to the devil!
Satan: This will only hurt a little. (Rips Patrick’s soul out of his body)
CA cookie: Sixty-seven: Get your soul back!
Patrick: Sorry but I need it back. (Snatches his soul back from Satan, who stomps away in anger)
CA cookie: Sixty-eight: Set the mood.
(Patrick places candles in the room and puts on moody music)
CA cookie: And now… challenge sixty-nine… is to have sex with me.
Patrick: Alright!
Narrator: (cringing) One… agonizing sex scene later…
Patrick: That was hot.
CA cookie: Indeed, you even made my chips melt! Well, that's all sixty-nine! Good day, sir! Have a cry-like-a-baby free rest of your life! I must ascend now.
(CA cookie floats to the sky as wet fart sounds play)
Patrick: Huh, I expected angelic sounds.
Angel: I'm on my day off.
Patrick: Oh. So now that I can't cry like a baby anymore, what shall I do? Hmm…
(Meanwhile, two familiar faces show up at the Welcome to Bikini Bottom sign)
Lincoln: You ready, Ronnie Anne?
Ronnie: Always. (Cracks knuckles)
(Dramatic stomping sounds are heard as the entire city shakes in fear)
Lincoln: WE’RE HERE TO TAKE WHAT’S OURS! OUR TV RATINGS?
Fred: MY EARS!
Ronnie: Yeah! Only 0.31 million viewers? Pathetic! Let's see how YOU like it!
(Lincoln thanos snaps all of SpongeBob’s reruns from Nick’s schedule)
SpongeBob: Lincoln WHAT THE HELL?
Lincoln: We deserve good ratings too!
SpongeBob: You realize we got 0.34 million recently right?
Lincoln: Yeah but thirty thousand is a big difference nowadays!
Annie: You think you got it bad? We haven't had any new episodes in EIGHT MONTHS! We found sapphire in that amount of time!
Pony: Shh, spoilers!
SpongeBob: Well you air way more new episodes than we do. We only had like 12 new episodes last year and you had like 50!
Ronnie: They got us there.
Lincoln: WHY ARE YOU TAKING THEIR SIDE?
Ronnie: They got a point. Hell, we even replaced two new Ollie’s Pack episodes with reruns of us.
Lincoln: WAAAAAAAAAAAA-
Patrick: Ha! Look who's the crybaby now!
Ronnie: Cmon, Lincoln, let's go back home.
(Ronnie Anne carries Lincoln on her shoulder and they go back home)
Patrick: Well that was an especially short climax.
SpongeBob: It's Wild SpongeBob, what do you expect?
Patrick: Good point. Now that it's the end of the movie, it's time for a DANCE PARTY!
Squidward: Hell yeah! (Starts shaking his ass)
Everyone else: WOW! THAT IS HOT!
DJ Khalee: DJ KHALED!
(Khaled puts on a record and songs start playing)
Patrick: I'm walking on sunshine (Wow!)
I'm walking on sunshine (Wow!)
I'm walking on sunshine (Wow!)
And don't it feel good
Hey, alright now
And don't it feel good, hey
Sandy: I used to think maybe you loved me, now I know that it's true
And I don't want to spend my whole life, just waiting for you
Now I don't want you back for the weekend
Not back for a day, no no no
I said baby I just want you back
And I want you to stay (Oh yeah now!)
Goldfish cracker: I'm walking on sunshine (Wow!)
I'm walking on sunshine (Wow!)
I'm walking on sunshine (Wow!)
And don't it feel good
Hey, alright now
And don't it feel good (Yeah!)
And don't it feel good
(Another song plays)
Popeye: The first play, I'ma body a (vine boom) (Ha)
I just checked my balance
I'll probably pull up to your hood
And come buy me a (bababooey) (No cap)
You know that your ho told you that crazy
Lil Baby: Don't think that she lied to you (wet fart) (Bitch)
Get caught with your ho when I'm poppin' 'em both
Now they high just like Bobby and Whitney (Haa)
Say I'm the goat, act like I don't know
But fuck it, I'm obviously winnin'
Don't make me go hit the bank and take out a hundred
To show you our pockets are different (Ha)
Forest: (wait why is he singing here) I'm out with your bitch and I only want knowledge
She got a lil' mileage, I'm chillin' (Uh)
You disrespect me and I'll beat your ass up
All in front of your partners and children (Ahh, ahh)
I'm the type to let a (fart sound) think that I'm broke
Until I pop out with a million (I pop)
Take 20K and put that on your head
And make one of your partners come kill you (Yeah)
(Yet another song plays)
Nature Cat: My track record so clean, they couldn't wait to just bash me
I must be gettin' too flashy, y'all shouldn't have let the world gas me (Woo)
It's too late 'cause I'm here to stay and these girls know that I'm nasty (Mmm)
I sent her back to her boyfriend with my handprint on her ass cheek
Eminem: City talkin', we takin' notes
Tell 'em all to keep makin' posts
Wish he could, but he can't get close
OG so proud of me that he chokin' up while he makin' toasts
Dinkleberg: I'm the type that you can't control, said I would, then I made it so
I don't clear up rumors (Ayy), where's y'all sense of humor? (Ayy)
I'm done makin' jokes 'cause they got old like baby boomers
Turned my haters to consumers, I make vets feel like they juniors (Juniors)
Say your time is comin' soon, but just like Oklahoma (Mmm)
Mine is comin' sooner (Mmm), I'm just a late bloomer (Mmm)
I didn't peak in high school, I'm still out here gettin' cuter (Woo)
All these social networks and computers
Got these pussies walkin' 'round like they ain't losers
Timmy’s Dad: I told you long ago on the road
I got what they waiting for (I got what they waiting for)
I don't run from nothing, dog
Get your soldiers, tell 'em I ain't layin' low (Bitch, I ain't runnin' from nowhere)
You was never really rooting for me anyway
When I'm back up at the top, I wanna hear you say
He don't run from nothin', dog
Get your soldiers, tell 'em that the break is over
DINKLEBERG!
Patrick: Hey, that's not how Industry Baby ends!
(Everyone boos at Timmy’s Dad, who then screams like a girl and flees)
Chris Chan: (in a prisoner suit) Roll credits! (gets shot)
CREDITS
Credits: Written by FireMatch
Idea by CrazySponge
A few challenge ideas made by CrazySponge, Jasbray, Existant, and Vanessa
Jasbre: HEY! WHY IS MY NAME SPELLED LIKE THAT?
CrazySponge: Who cares? I CAME UP WITH THE IDEA!
(The four users credit bicker as the credits finish rolling)
(Post-credits scene)
Stan: Can you believe they got us into the post-credits scene of this movie?
Peter: Yeah, I got ripped off!
Meg: Hey what about me?
Stan and Peter: SHUT UP, MEG!
(Stan farts in Meg’s face)
(The Bingo Co. logo appears on-screen, and the screen fades to black, ending the movie)
Category:Criminally Underrated Masterpieces
Category:Movies
Category:2021
Category:2021 Movies
Category:FireMatch
Category:Bingo!
Category:2020s