Carpet Calls 1

Carpet Calls 1 is the sixth prank call in the Crotchety Old Man Calls series. It is notable for being the only Crotchety Call with a second part, that being Carpet Calls 2.
==Transcript==
(ringback tone)
Middle-Eastern Man: Good afternoon, Carpet (censored).
Milton: Oh, thank God you've answered! Let me speak to the idiot that sold me this carpet!
Middle-Eastern Man: Who is this carpet?
Milton: ...what?!
Middle-Eastern Man: You wants talk me, too-
Milton: The imbecile that sold me my carpet! I have carpet, I've got a defect! You put it in, I want it fixed in an hour!
Middle-Eastern Man: What's your name, please?
Milton: Fludgecow! F-L-U-D-G-E-C-O-W, first name is Milton!
Middle-Eastern Man: Uh-huh...
Milton: And it's all defective now! I think there's a manufacturer's defect-probably even a recall on the books! My kid Chauncey was playing with Silly Putty and jammed it in the carpet and it won't come out! 
Middle-Eastern Man: Yeah, that should be like that, sir...
Milton: What?!
Middle-Eastern Man: Give me your name and number and your address...
Milton: My name is Fludgecow!
Middle-Eastern Man: Fludgecah?
Milton: No! Fludgecow! F-L-U-D-G-E...C-O-W!
Middle-Eastern Man: Uh-huh...
Milton: Repeat that to me, please!
Middle-Eastern Man: I couldn't write it.
Milton: Why not?!
Middle-Eastern Man: Because you are talking too fast, sir! Can you speak...slowly, please?
Milton: Yes, I can!
Middle-Eastern Man: Slowly.
Milton: F.......
Middle-Eastern Man: Uh-huh...
Milton: L................U......
Middle-Eastern Man: Uh-huh...
Milton: D........
Middle-Eastern Man: Uh-huh...
Milton: G........
Middle-Eastern Man: G...
Milton: E........
Middle-Eastern Man: E...
Milton: C........
Middle-Eastern Man: C...
Milton: O........
Middle-Eastern Man: O...
Milton: DOUUUUUBBBBBBLLLLLLLLEEEEEE-UUUUUUUUUUU!
Middle-Eastern Man: And...what is your invoice number?
Milton: What?!
Middle-Eastern Man: Invoice number!
Milton: I don't know! I discarded that long ago! I got a defect; I want it replaced immediately!
Middle-Eastern Man: It doesn't work like that! I have to have your invoice number!
Milton: My invoice number is four!
Middle-Eastern Man: Four...I don't have such invoice number, sir...
Milton: Well, I don't know my invoice number! All I'm telling you is I have a lifetime guarantee on my carpet!
Middle-Eastern Man: No, we don't have such a thing, sir.
Milton: Oh, yes, you do!
Middle-Eastern Man: No, we don't.
Milton: Oh, yes, you do!
Middle-Eastern Man: No, sir, we don't.
Milton: No, you do!
(man hangs up)
(ringback tone)
Middle-Eastern Man: Hello?
Milton: Yes! I think we accidentally got disconnected! My kid was playing with Silly Putty- it's like a clay; a toy! And it's all smashed up in the carpet...it's all pushed and ground and bashed in the carpet and I can't get it out! So, I went and I got some hedge clippers and I cut the putty out of the carpet and now I've got bald spots and burlap showing and I want you to come out and replace it all under warranty!
Middle-Eastern Man: There is no such a warranty for that kind of a thing...
Milton: What?!
Middle-Eastern Man: There is no "what, what"! Don't call us anymore!
Milton: Are you the bald idiot that sold me the carpet?
Middle-Eastern Man: Get the hell out of here...
(man hangs up again)
(ringback tone)
Middle-Eastern Man: Carpet (censored).
Milton: Yes! I think we were accidentally disconnected again-
Middle-Eastern Man: No, you-we-it wasn't accidentally! I cut by purpose! And don't call, (censored)-damn it! Okay?!
(man hangs up again)
(ringback tone)
Middle-Eastern Man: Carpet (censored), may I help you, please?
Milton: Let me speak to Flappy!
Middle-Eastern Man: Huh?
Milton: Let me speak to Flappy! That was my salesman!
Middle-Eastern Man: We don't have Flappy here! You bought your carpet, probably, from (censored) Carpet.
Milton: No! From Flappy! At your place!
Middle-Eastern Man: No, we don't have such a place here.
Milton: Yes! Flappy! He's the manager!
Middle-Eastern Man: No, he doesn't-Flappy doesn't work here...
Milton: You're a liar! Flappy runs that place!
Middle-Eastern Man: No, Flappy doesn't work here!
Milton: I wanna speak to Flappy!
Middle-Eastern Man: Flappy doesn't work here!
(man hangs up again)
(ringback tone)
Middle-Eastern Man: Leave me alone, you (censored) damn it! Okay?!
(man hangs up)
(ringback tone)
== Trivia ==
*Silly Putty is a silicone polymer-based toy that was originally made as a rubber substitute. Here, Milton is complaining about the putty's ability to bind to carpet fibers, which it has become somewhat infamous for.
*Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2d1mbK44iac
Category:Prank calls