Swivel's Diary Part III

ENTRY 31
I am really struggling with what to do. I mean, I got into some heavy stuff before I left Cybertron. I thought maybe things would be different this time some how. But I guess that was naive of me. I can’t join the Autobots. Not after what I seen. Not what I know. But reading through news and stuff, Decepticons are terrible too. Neutral places are shrinking. Maybe if I was a medic or something I could get away with being neutral. Maybe. I wonder if Aegis has joined anyone? If only there were people standing up for the people who don’t want to be either part of a corrupt government or rebels as dangerous as Decepticons? Yeah, I can fill my mind with ‘if only’ but that won’t get anything. But I wonder if maybe there is a small, secret group of people trying to do that? A more peaceful resistance? I want that. I will find it. Or maybe I should just disappear again, but this time just go deeper. Deeper than they can get me. Only surface when I need something, and disappear again. But I would be so alone I couldn’t do it. Why does this stupid war have to even be?
Oh, I tried warning Starscream about Ricochet. I also told him about Phantom. I don’t think he really understood what I was trying to tell him. But at least he understood Ricochet tried to bomb him and that he is bad and maybe with Starscream and Phantom working together they can get rid of him, then I would feel much safer. Sometimes, people just need to be neutralised. I don’t care if he dies or gets banished or imprisoned, but something to keep him from roaming free. It ain’t revenge. It’s… wanting to feel safe.
ENTRY 32
Been lotsa fighting in places there doesn’t need to be fighting. Peaceful places. Pretty places. Places I didn’t really go to myself, but some people like them otherwise they wouldn’t be a thing. An art gallery exploded and the gardens in Praxus had some sort of shoot out. But, yeah, that’s normal, I guess. I mean, there is a war. Why does it have to involve the whole world, though? Seems fewer and fewer places there for people like me to live peacefully. 
The other cycle that nice femme, um, her name is Arcee I think, was asking me about what would make me feel safe. Well, it was more about what I would consider safe enough to go to places open to the public. We talked a bit about the war and stuff. She seems like a nice Autobot, but I bet she just doesn’t know the things they did. She knows Blurr and is aware he had some troubles in his past. I don’t know if she really knows the whole story though. She’s nice though. But if she’s just a student. I don’t know if her niceness will have any effect on the higher ups. I hope it does. If it does, I might give the Autobots more leeway. 
Anyway, now is a good time for a drink. So I’ve been drinking at Macaddams. At least, I still feel kind of safe here. I mean, bad things have happened here, that’s true, but they are the sort of bad things a nobody like me has to deal with, war or not war. I’ve been thinking about when I didn’t question government. I have this energon goodies dispenser from those days. I don’t know if they sell them anymore. I just really *Entry ends there abruptly*
ENTRY 33
I feel a bit less alone. I was in the bar and met someone else being bothered to join sides. Aegis was there too. She stood up for me when some mechs were picking on me. She did it without getting all violence. Blurr probably woulda punched one of them or something. The three of us don’t want to pick a side because they are both wrong. I’m not the only one who thinks that. Well, Aegis aint’ so worried about them both being wrong so much as she lives to fix people, and if she picks a side, they might not let her fix anyone but their own people. She wants to remain badge blind, as she calls it. They are all people to her. Decepticons and Autobots, as a whole I don’t like what the stand for. But as people, well, I see them as people. I don’t see the purple or red badges and suddenly see something monstrous or evil. It’s just a person wearing a badge for whatever reasons. I know not all of them agree with everything, but sometimes sort of agreeing is enough to fight for a cause, because they fear doing nothing more than doing a few wrong things. I guess I can understand that. 
I am going to start poking around for more neutrals. I want to band together. Maybe I’ll work on finding an unused frequency so we can call on each other for help. Yeah. I think that would be really cool. 
I had not used Thundercracker’s account in a while, but I finally did. I got myself a GOOD drink. Not too fancy, but something that was smooth AND tasty and made me feel warm and at ease. A good feeling. But only one. I keep it for emergency repairs and stuff. I try not to use it for daily things. That’s what my job is for. But I don’t get paid as much or tipped as much as I did when I worked for Steamcore. I wonder how he’s doing? I still don’t know if he got out of Nyon in time. I know he was making arrangements to move out of Nyon eventually, but I don’t know if he did.
ENTRY 34
I been thinking about my place. I am neutral. Am I? Or are there just not enough people what believe the things that I believe to call a faction? Am I really just an inevitable casualty of war if I don’t pick a side? I don’t want to pick. If I never met Hot Rod or Backdrop or anything, would I be an Autobot now, blissfully unaware? I mean, I’m a citizen, but that doesn’t default me as an Autobot. Or am I a citizen? Nyon is no more, so I don’t know what I am in the big picture. A refugee? Gutter trash? Yeah, probably gutter trash, but I’ve always been that. Now more than ever. I quit TESP. Turns out they were trading personal info of their clients to some corrupt business folk or a gang or something. A lot of our clients were being killed, exploited, stolen from, blackmailed and all kinds of stuff. Turns out it was because of TESP. Maybe there was more to that courier that got murdered, the one whose job I sort of took over. I quit by saying I’d gotten into trouble and needed to leave. Now I need to figure out where to go. I won’t be in Rodion or that area for a while. Not until I feel safe.
ENTRY 35
File Corrupt
Data cannot be recovered.
ENTRY 36
File Corrupt
Partial Retrieval
* not so bad. Saved enough sha?ix *o *monex nice place. Can’t af* i? ?hough. Just passing through. The ?* and when the sin?ing starts, well it isn’t sing?ng, but sounds real pre---***ERROR***---
*
ENTRY 37
File Corrupt
Partial Retrieval
* d?dn* know. Glad ? got out of there but * so trag?c. Somet?mes ? th?nk me luck ?s awful, but th?s t?me ?t really saved me. ?f ? hadn?t seen ?t ? would?t bel?eve ?t. The footage was almost too much. ? don?t know ?f ---***ERROR***---
ENTRY 38
File corrupt
Data cannot be recovered.
ENTRY 39
File corrupt
Data cannot be recovered.
ENTRY 40
System Error
ENTRY 41
Got some odd jobs. Been hired to relay messages to and from another courier in some underground relay. I don’t mind much… but… from what I gather, I’m workin’ for some kind of thief? Not exactly. I don’t think so. I’m supposed to get messages to the person who gets messages to a thief. Someone trying to contact some mystery mech that doesn’t want to be known. I’m not supposed to know too much, so I won’t delve too much into it. I used to do jobs like this all of the time. I didn’t ask questions then, I shouldn’t ask now. But I’m wondering if this has something to do with all them art thefts. I think it does. Someone is stealing art, and leaves some sort of MO. I don’t know what that MO is, but suddenly, everyone is trying to get in contact with this person because whatever he does, he must do it well because no one has caught him or even has an idea who he is. I’d rather hear about art theft than more stupid war stuff.
ENTRY 42
Well, that job is over with. Relays started getting picked off, so I stopped. Guess it’s been long enough I can go back to Rodion without trouble with TESP. I mean, all I did was quit. I didn’t tell them I quit because I didn’t like their work ethic. So I don’t know why I left. Oh yeah, because the excuse I gave was that I was in trouble and needed to make myself scarce. With the amount of couriers that die… well… I am sure it wasn’t surprising to them. I mean, they sold out to the really nasty criminal types, but I don’t think they themselves were. You know the ones. The kind you don’t leave or bad things happen. At least, I’m alive, so I guess they weren’t. But then again I went into hiding so I don’t know for sure.
I saw a really neat paint job today. Sometimes I think about getting mine redone, but, nah, I like the colours I am. They’re my natural colours. I don’t know how that works though. Other colours just fade back to these colours, yet these colours can get chipped and scratched. Weirdness.
ENTRY 43
Blurr is at it again. Mr Grabby is also doing his everyone is wicked thing. And Nightlash, that’s one of the true neutrals, is broadcasting footage of Autobots doing their job in an attempt to pain them as villains. Not really convincing. I mean, Blurr tried to stun Mr Grabby. Mr. Grabby IS a Decepticon. It is well known that Decepticons are criminals as far as Autobots are concerned. So it’s an Autobot’s job TO try and arrest them. Even if they aren’t doing anything bad at that moment. But if all criminals have to be caught in a new criminal act every time, well, justice wouldn’t work too well. Not that I think this is justice. I mean, Decepticons have done bad things, or rather, people have done bad things in the name of Decepticons. I don’t know if all Decepticons have each done horrible things, but I guess associating with them just makes you partially responsible because you support people who do bad things. I don’t like this war. But it is war, and it is going to be fought. Taping someone using nonlethal force on their declared enemy isn’t exposing anything. Oh, and Aegis was there being very Aegis. She’s…. I wish I was more like her. She’s so calm and knows what is right for her and won’t be wobbled about like I am. But I wonder if she is lonely. She’s nice, but something is sort of distant about her and I don’t know if she much lets people close. But I only talked with her a few times, maybe I am just imagining things.
Blurr is mad again of course. Wondering why I would not accept his offers of good living, a job, people to protect me and instead live in places like Dead End, covered in grime, behind on maintenance, and where someone can harvest me for parts in my sleep. I guess it kind of boggles the mind. But what he offers has things attached. Things I don’t agree with. He made me take a gun. So I took it. I had a gun, though… but it doesn’t work. I just hold it to look intimidating. A lot of scavengers don’t even have online weapons, so going up against someone with a gun is not worth it. Then there are those who DO have weapons. That’s when I get mugged and start from square one.
ENTRY 44
Now I am taking shooting lessons from Blurr. He finally talked me into it. I would prefer someone else teach me, but he was so insistent. I figure it won’t hurt to know how to handle a gun in the rare occasion I am handed one and not being able to use it would be more dangerous than knowing how and choosing not to use it. If that makes sense. 
We will meet at the firing range near the Maccadams from time to time for lessons. I don’t expect much. I can’t relax. He says I need to relax. How am I supposed to relax when holding a weapon? I mean, one that actually works.
Well I am on the look out for anyone in need of my services. I will not work for TESP again. Things have not improved. I’m surprised they haven’t been destroyed. But maybe not as many people know about what is going on as I first thought. I won’t get involved. I won’t start a turf war. There are earnest workers in the group and they will be the ones first to get killed or something if word gets out, not the bad people actually abusing the information they get. Or maybe I was lied to and quit for nothing. I can’t take that chance.
ENTRY 45
Everyone is bad, so says Mr. Grabby. Nightlash implies that we aren’t neutral, just a group of people who haven’t entered the fight yet under our own beliefs. I didn’t expect that from her. Some other guy was trying to recruit people to leave Cybertron, because he is convinced that, like Nyon, the world will be destroyed by this conflict. I am sort of tempted to leave with him. But I tried that once before. I came back. But maybe if I left with some of my own kind to start new and fresh somewhere else, it would be different. But I doubt the people I care about would leave. So I would still be abandoning people I care about again. I’m not sure Blurr could handle that. He’s a bit fragile.
I was really mad a bit earlier. I found out some of my entries were gone. File corruption. Or something. I don’t know why those files, I don’t know the cause, or how to not have it happen again. Maybe it’s time to buy a new datapad. And maybe this time I’ll make backups. But that’s too risky. I don’t write for this to be read by anyone but me. Why do I write? Well sometimes I think back on events and wonder what I was thinking, and realise I can’t recall what I was thinking. Maybe what I was feeling, maybe what I did or said, but not what I was thinking. So I think recording my thoughts helps me remember. If I know what I was thinking, and look back, maybe I can be a better me. Or just be able to answer that question and not spend a loooong time wondering what I was thinking. I can dwell on that a lot sometimes.