Mr. Nintendo

Mr. Nintendo was one of the strangest humans that ever existed. He was born about 1,999,999 BC in the UnWorld during ancient times, and then he grew into an adult in a few hours. He was the founder of Nintendo, the greatest shames company of all time.
Mr. Nintendo's entire life took place over the course of a single day. He is currently the only recording of such a case. After he was born, he grew up in a matter of hours, and he came across an old toothpick factory. Chuck Norris walked up, and kicked it. It became the first ever shames factory. Mr. Nintendo reached into his wallet, and pulled out zero thousand UnDollars in cash (that equals about $24,000,000,000 in today's currency).
After another 12 hours, Mr. Nintendo was middle aged. He quickly hired Shigeru Miyamoto to help him run Nintendo, and they made the Nintendo Entertainment System. They managed to make the shame Super Mario Bros. After this, Mr. Nintendo was an old man.
Mr. Nintendo died of old age 24 hours after he was born. He was buried in an unknown part of Japan, and a funeral service was held for such a great man. Today, there is a statue in his honor in every major city in the world. We will all remember the story of Mr. Nintendo. You know, for about five minutes. Then we'll all go and eat some Turtle Soup.
HEY! I KNOW THIS IS HERE!!! WHO WROTE THIS SLOP?!
I'm in big trouble...
DON'T LET ME CATCH YOU DOING SHIT AGAIN!
Sorry, Mr. Nintendo...
AND DON'T YOU SAY MY FUCKING NAME!
Okay, sir.. (what a loser.)
Anyways, there was one time where Mr. Nintendo was revealed. It was a normal day in 2011, and Mr. Nintendo was ruling as usual. However, Nintendo's rivals teamed up. They sent a secret spy into the headquarters of Nintendo posing as a worker. At first, the initial idea was to let people know of this dude's horrible ruling of Nintendo. You might be asking: "HURR DURR MR. NARRATOR, I THOUGHT IWATA WAS RULING!!". That is wrong. Mr. Nintendo secretly rules Nintendo with an Iron Fist, burning Ninployees at the stake and forcing people to make bad Mario shames. 
But then the plot came too far, for Mr. Nintendo was so ruthless to the "employee" that the "employee" spy managed to kick Mr. Nintendo so hard he passed out. The executives and the spy interrogated him, and when it came too far and Mr. Nintendo refused to tell any answers, they pulled off his crude mask and it revealed who it truly was behind that crude, horrible mask: None other than Hiroshi Yamauchi, first president of Nintendo of America and Japan in the real world, and presumably first president of Nintendo in the UnWorld, too.
Sega, Sony, and every other Nintendo rival agreed to never put out this information, however a disgruntled employee at Sony by the name of ████████ ███████ revealed very secret information before leaving Sony forever. No one knows where he is, and why he was disgruntled and quit.
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