Elred Cockamamie-Jones

Elred Cockamamie-Jones is a major character who appears in: Adongralo.
A lonely soul who finds solace in calling himself the best thief in the world.
==Synopsis==
=== History ===
Growing up without many friends, Elred Cockamamie-Jones decided to start proclaiming that he was the best thief in the world, despite not having a very prolific history of items or treasures stolen. He claims to have stolen an entire gnome and halfling village, although he doesn't have any evidence to support this claim, furthermore, he has stolen a bunch of maps in the hopes that people would get lost without them. He claims to have stolen an Apple computer. When he heard tale of the Black Knight's exploits, he wanted to steal his helmet for social renown.
===Adongralo - Chapter 1: An Ominous Presence===
In 1821, a bunch of adventurers find themselves in Celincia, the capital city of Valm, where the emperor has made a request on the city bulletin board, asking for assistance in the removal of a strange ominous aura coming from the abandoned zoo ruins. Five daring adventurers take up the offer and enter the city hall, where they begin to share with one another their histories, as they waited for the emperor to fill in the details. Eventually, Emperor Foogles himself entered the waiting room, where he explained that an ominous presence had overrun the city a couple weeks ago and has scared the citizens of Celincia into hiding. He then told them that the aura was coming from the abandoned zoo ruins nearby the city and urged them to investigate and remove it by offering a handsome reward for them. The ragtag team of misfits agreed and decided to take on the quest, but Elred, Billiot, and Bryeek got distracted by the nearby fishing pond that was completely empty. Iron Juan and M.A.R.G.E. went over to wait for the other to be done, but with no one supervising the pond, Elred decided to break into the kiosk to steal some fishing equipment, only to be caught by Uboob Duncan, who wasn't really angry with him being there, just surprised. Elred ended up convincing Uboob that they were actually related by burning the Duncan family birthmark into his shoulder with some oil, just so that he could get a Singing Billy Bass from Uboob's wall and get him to tell people that Elred stole it. Meanwhile, Billiot and Bryeek purchased some rods and started fishing (Billiot did have to borrow money from Elred though). Bryeek and Cockamamie were pretty successful, but Billiot couldn't get any catches and tried intimidating the fish, but a goldfish just flipped him the bird instead. They then moved from the fishing pond to the library, where Iron Juan spotted and informed the others there was a copy of Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Roderick Rules. Billiot mentioned that it was a good one, prompting Iron Juan to challenge Billiot for the right to get the book, even though he never stated he wanted it. Billiot the Idiot managed to hit Iron Juan with his axe, then he retaliated shooting at him with his heavy crossbow, but it proved too tasking and he accidentally shot himself in the foot, mortally wounding him. Fortunately he was able to revive himself though, letting him and the others investigate the abandoned zoo at full health (Billiot the Idiot did end up getting the book and he was allowed 30 days with it before having to return it). They all arrived at the abandoned zoo together, walking past old attractions that had become the new homes for local wildlife. Cockamamie and Bryeek went to the aquarium, where Elred tried to steal something from Bryeek, but he just ended up stealing his crowbar instead. At the end of the aquarium, they saw an Octopus chilling in a low, open exhibit originally for stingrays. The three of them got conversing and the Octopus was the self-proclaimed King of the Aquarium, causing Elred to show off that he was the self-proclaimed best thief ever, in addition Bryeek was now the self-proclaimed best eater of ass. Elred swore loyalty to the Octopus King, causing him to tell him that the ominous aura came about due to a strange pale man arriving a couple of weeks ago, then he went on to explain that he went into the monkey enclosure, so the two of them met up with the others and informed them that the ominous presence was likely coming from the monkey enclosure, so they went to it and found a large tree stretching out from it that had seemingly survived a terrible fire and persisted its climb to the sky. It's branches stretched onto the pedestrian path, so they all walked across it and climbed down, but M.A.R.G.E. took one step on it and fell through, hurting himself, but he led the way into an open steel door in the enclosure anyway. They found several skeletons in lab coats and the final room had a strange car shaped-hole that was covered by vines and overgrown trees, then next to it a raggedy curtain. Billiot cautiously opened the curtain and they all saw a very pale man with long hair crouched in the corner. He looked at them intensely and pointed at them with a purple glowing finger, which resonated with the corpse, reanimating them. A one-sided battle ensued with them all being able to at least take down one skeleton each, causing the pale man to cower in fear, crying that he didn't ask for this power. Interested, M.A.R.G.E. asked if he knew anything about him or other necromancer, causing the man to explain that he didn't know who M.A.R.G.E. was, but he did know tales of one other necromancer in the Black Knight Gang called Del Wensley, however before he could go on, they all began hearing the clanking stomps of an armoured man. It was the Black Knight himself, alongside the Sorcerer. The Sorcerer slept the mercenaries, except for Elred, who was punched in the face by the Black Knight.
===Adongralo - Chapter 2: Castle of Chained Goliaths===
The abandoned zoo had been set ablaze by the Black Knight, but fortunately King Octopus saved Elred, Billiot, M.A.R.G.E., Bryeek, and Iron Juan by bringing them all to the aquarium, which was safe from the flames. When they awoke he explained what had happened, where they also discovered that the Black Knight had stolen all their money, as well as a large portion of Iron Juan's equipment and the Billy Bass Elred "stole" from Uboob. Swearing vengeance on him yet again, they left the abandoned zoo to search for the Black Knight, but they brought King Octopus with them in a bucket of water. When they arrived at the main city of Celincia to collect their reward money, they found that it too had been set on fire, so Iron Juan tried to calm the flames with his oil flask, which literally caused it to blow up in his face. Meanwhile, an old woman had told Bryeek that she saw the Black Knight do it then teleport away with the Sorcerer. She also explains that the Black Knight had recently been seen in the gnome village not too far from here, so they all set out for it. On their way there they passed a circus, so they went in and sat next to Kirin, an amnesiac who had just woken up there. Eventually the show started an the clown woman performing said "do you want to hear a joke?", so Bryeek shouted out, "yeah, go on then?", then she replied with "me too, haha!", followed by "yeah I have a tiger if you want to see it. Tiger? I barely even know her." Afterwards she went backstage and pushed out a cage with a curtain over it, but as she unveiled it, there was nothing inside it. In the audience, a suspiciously furry individual in a trench coat started purring then it started eating members of the audience, so everyone ran out, except for Bryeek who attempted to tame it himself. The beast began spinning around in circles around him, so Billiot threw some rope at him, which he picked up, letting himself be yanked out, while the tiger spun and turned into King from Tekken. Elred tried to convince him to go eat his masters instead, but King didn't really feel any ill will towards them and was just satisfied he wasn't a jaguar anymore (the clown lady just mistook him for a tiger). Billiot the Idiot started flirting with the clown and got her number, which revealed that her name was Plin Plon. They continued their journey, joined by Kirin, where they saw the local Nando's establishment, which had a giant penguin-sized hole in it, since one burst into the restaurant about five days ago. Enraged by the fact they wouldn't be getting any service, Bryeek threw King Octopus' bucket at the manager, who was instantly knocked out, so they all went in and broke the floorboards to sleep there for the night. In the morning, Bryeek checked on the manager who was still outside and discovered he didn't have a pulse, so he started biting his neck for breakfast. They all went to the nearby castle, where Elred pick locked the large steel doors to reveal Bo Jangles in his dressing gown and love heart undies sipping on some coffee from his mug. They asked where the Black Knight was, only to find out that he'd last been there about five days ago when a group of adventurers killed his master, Del Wensley, who was a member of the Black Knight Gang. Mr. Jangles then explained he had an idea where one of them might've gone, but just as he was about to explain where a collection of magically assisted reanimated goliath entities emerged from the basement and the floor above, so everyone prepared themselves and started fighting them off, so that they didn't escape into the village, but eventually they were overwhelmed when more of the came, so Jangles set the castle on fire, burning all the undead goliaths. M.A.R.G.E. questioned where they came from, but Bo Jangles explained that a lot of necromancers illegally test their magic out on goliaths since they seem to be a much more easily manipulatable corpse, however once the necromancer dies they become mindless and violent, of which M.A.R.G.E. isn't really either. With no home anymore, Jangles offered to join them by leading them to where he thought one of the adventurers may have gone. On their way out of the castle they also met Hong Kong Phooey, who decided to join them on their journey as well.
===Adongralo - Chapter 3: Attack of the Giant Penguin===
Bo Jangles took everyone to a nearby village, where there had been reports of a giant penguin attack, which Bo Jangles suspects was one of the Adverse Occult. Upon arrival, they find that the town has a bulletin board with requests for a self defence class and a clean-up request at the local bar. Elred, Hong Kong Phooey, M.A.R.G.E., and Bo Jangles hosted the self-defence class, while Bryeek, Billiot the Idiot, Kirin, and King Octopus helped the local bar clean-up. Elred, under the alias Dennis Guise, tried to convince the participants that he was a master of "Bo Jangles Karate" and affirmed that it required your eyes to be closed in order to master. He then attempted to steal from the villagers as their eyes were closed, but all he managed to find was some family photos and a Nando's card. The villagers weren't really convinced that what they were being taught were real martial arts and were about to give up, but Elred managed to convince them they all accidentally beat up the owner of the youth centre (the location the class was being held). Meanwhile, the others were helping to clean up and repair the local bar that had been destroyed, due to the recent giant penguin attacks, so Bryeek investigated further with the owner of the bar, Tog 23, who he had now convinced was his illegitimate son, discovering that it comes at night and destroys the eateries and kills the pigs in the local farm. After completing the clean-up, Bryeek, Billiot the Idiot, Kirin, and Elred went to the farm and found that only the brown pigs were left, and they only had flat bacon, because the pink pigs had all been flattened. They then went to the local vet, who was half-mime, half-person. He insisted that the penguin likely wasn't evil and was probably just mentally disturbed, so he requested that they get it and subdue it, so that he can work towards rehabilitating it. Faced with two options, killing the giant penguin or rehabilitating, the four of them decided to do the former, so they sent out Billiot the Idiot into a field by himself in his signature pink shirt. He was then suddenly attacked by the giant penguin. Billiot the Idiot was sent flying off the stage, losing a stock in the process, so Bryeek ambushed it and critically wounded it. With it at his mercy, he sliced open its throat and brought it back to the bar owner, but they got into an argument when Bryeek asked to keep it for "adult reasons", so he wasn't rewarded. Afterwards, the four met up with Bo Jangles, who asked if they found the giant penguin yet. Realising that they'd just forgotten the entire reason why they showed up there in the first place they explained what happened, causing Jangles to start shouting at them, telling them that they'd better get the giant penguin, or they're fired! Elred then entered the bar with his finger above his lip and a fake moustache drawn on it, pretending to be the bar owner's illegitimate son. Knowing the pain caused by dead beat dads, he embraced his son and said he'd do anything for him, but when asked for the penguin skin, he got into a fit of rage and said "that was from your grandfather, we don't need a reminder of him anymore!", before smashing it to pieces, ripping it up, and burning it. Shocked, Elred said that he had a terminal illness and the ivory in the penguin skin was his only cure. Devastated he just destroyed the only cure his supposed son had, he went into the backroom to grab some rope and asked his son to leave and forgive him for being a terrible father. He attempted to console him by asking if he knew where the giant penguin's allies were, but he knew nothing about it's past other than it did first come into town with a gnome in a mankini, but then Elred let an inconsistency slip out, mixing up his martial arts master alias, Dennis Guise, with his current alias, Dennise Guise (completely unrelated), causing the bar owner to flip out and burst into tears. Feeling guilty, Elred left and went to the vet, where he attempted to steal the imaginary cash register, so Tev Thirteen pulled out an imaginary shotgun and blasted him into the wall, then proceeded to walk over him and stomp his face with the imaginary spikes on his boots, causing further imaginary damage. The half-mime then picked up Elred and began imaginarily shouting in his face, before chucking him out the real door. The four then entered the building next door, run by Tev Twelve a mime doctor, who instantly saw Elred and began trying to heal him as best he could. Eventually, by some miraculous chance, Elred recovered, but the bill came due and Billiot the Idiot couldn't afford it. Luckily, Bryeek had some imaginary money he'd been given by Tev Thirteen, so it was neatly paid for. Afterwards, Tev went out to smoke, where he said, "I have imaginary lung cancer", so he joined their mercenary group to try rehabilitate from his imaginary smoking problem.
===Adongralo - Chapter 4: Mezzanine Monsters===
Eventually, the mercenaries found a clue as to where the gnome in a mankini was, so they made it to an oriental town on mount Himalayas, but as they approached it, a gang of wolves attacked them. They were able to kill the incoming wolves, but as they finished a whole new pack was approaching them, fortunately, a woman in an oriental kung-fu uniform came out and performed some taolu routines to intimidate the wolves, allowing everyone to retreat into her restaurant, a Pizza, but on Lazy Susans chain. She made some pizza with poop on it for everyone and a poop martini for M.A.R.G.E., but after several complaints she gave them a free hex-bug pizza (not that they were paying for anything anyway). The girl, Hua Men, explained that wolves had been summoned by a druid who happened to be her brother, Xi. He'd apparently been away studying druidic arts, while the magic civil war had started and was quickly ostracised when he returned to find his hometown had turned very anti-magic. Without a chance to properly talk to her brother since his departure, Hua wanted to try get to him and talk him out of his constant attacks, but, since he'd completely taken over the Carphone Warehouse, no one could actually get past his wolves. They all reluctantly agreed to help Hua Men out, but they agreed to do it at midday, so that she could properly prepare his favourite meal, a poop pizza, to help smooth out the negotiations. In the morning, Elred, Billiot, M.A.R.G.E., and Bryeek went to a strip club, mistaking it for a nightclub. Inside, they found a gnome in a mankini, who was the exact one they were looking for. His name was Daddy and he explained how he and a bunch of other blokes banded together in their shared hatred of magic, calling themselves the Adverse Occult, but after they killed Del Wensley, they were pursued by his "boss man", the Black Knight. They all ran off in different directions, although he had an idea that one of them, Poetry Pete, was continuing his scholarly studies at Mount Kokunbal. Afterwards, he got into an argument with Elred, because he kept gaslighting his perception of reality, resulting in Elred punching him, which gave him a stroke. Quietly walking away, the four of them met up with Hua Men and went to the Carphone Warehouse. They sneaked into the building and climbed up a mezzanine to see Xi Men chilling with some wolves, but he was quick to anger and the negotiations for him to calm down didn't go so well, especially since Elred stole the pizza with poop on it from Hua Men because he's a school bully. A fight ensued, which was ended with Bryeek pretending to make a call to Phones 4u to buy a phone, then attacking him, when he got close enough, since Xi Men tried to tell him to buy a phone from him instead, turning into a monkey to better convince him. Strangely, Elred jumped in front of the blow and nearly died, confusing Xi Men and making him flee, wanting to ponder the preceding events. Hua Men then requested to join their little entourage, in hopes they might cross paths with her brother again.
===Adongralo - Chapter 5: The Great Kokunbal Dodgeball Tournament===
As the dawn of the next day rose, the mercenary group made their way to the village by Mount Kokunbal, where they saw a nightclub under construction. They went there and so a lone construction worker looking for "12 extra pairs of hand", so Elred got one of Bryeek's daggers and convinced him they were hands he could use, but he sliced his fingers off. He tried it again, but the worker was wise to his tricks and was about to get angry, but Bryeek managed to calm him down, telling him that it was just a silly joke. Forgiven, they were brought in and told to put the disco tiles down since he's colour blind. Confused as to why his colour blindness would be a problem for disco tiles, Elred killed him. With unfinished business, the incomplete night club, the construction worker returned as a ghost, but Elred and Bryeek wrote a very sternly written message that read:
"Dear Sir/Madam
Sternly Worded Letter
From Elred Cockamamie Jones MD, Greatest Thief Who Ever Lived"
Elred then held him hostage saying that he wouldn't allow the construction workers to finish the job, until the mercenaries dismiss him from the group. They then went to the church, where they found a sign saying it was closed for training, so they peered in and saw the nuns practicing dodgeball against one another (skins vs shirts). Billiot, and Elred wanted to steal their panties, but they were obligated by intervening moral forces not to. Afterwards, they went to the library, where it was also closed for training, but as they peered in, they saw no such training going on, so Elred picked the lock and went inside. They saw a man reading up on dodgeball, so Billiot grabbed a dodgeball and launched it at him, because he was a nerd, instantly killing him. Suddenly, Poetry Pete came downstairs, seemingly not caring about the fact someone had just died and greeted the party. He explained that he wanted to get into the dodgeball tournament to win the prize of the greatest metaphor known to man, but didn't have a team to participate with, so the party agreed to help him, since he was also the person they came to this town to look for. Before they got started, they wanted to assess how good Poetry Pete actually was at dodgeball, but his remark that "I am to dodgeball, what Gerrard Bognin is to football" put to rest their anxieties. After a training montage day, they got ready to go sign up for the tournament, but not after Elred gathered M.A.R.G.E., Billiot, and Bryeek and discussed whether they should let Pete have the best metaphor ever made. The decision was inconclusive and they continued onward, saving the discussion for later. At the sign-up station, they were asked for a team name, so they called themselves the Bognin Ballers after their favourite footballer. To get into the main bracket, the 32 teams were divided into randomly selected matches, where they had to compete for a placement. Their first opponents were the Wensleydale Warriors, which they used to better familiarise themselves with the rules. They made it out on top and made it to the first round, where the tournament bracket was revealed. Their first opponents were the Davidisafrenchman Devils, who they narrowly defeated. In the second round, they faced off against the Moortown Mutants, an easy win. The semi-finals had them up against the bizarre My Team, who they narrowly defeated. Reaching the finals, they'd accumulated a fair amount of fans, but as the final match with Da Nunz started, one of them fell over, so Bryeek insulted them and smashed a dodgeball down onto her, which a lot of fans found disgusting. Elred tried to save face by telling a joke, then apologising for his teammate's actions, but as they were both distracted apologising to their fans, one of the nuns got them both out, so Poetry Pete took matters into his own hands and managed to wipe out the rest of the team by himself. With the day won, the crowd cheered for an exhilarating tournament, chanting "Bognin Ballers" to the tune of the Jaws theme. As Poetry Pete thanked the party and was about to claim his prize, Elred literally stabbed him in the back, then went into the confessional booth to hear the world's greatest metaphor for himself. When he left, he took centre stage and asked the audience whether they wanted to know it, but Poetry Pete interrupted with his dying words and told him to stop, but Elred loudly announced "the first rays of sunshine gently stroked my face". Poetry Pete, at first annoyed, rested his head on the ground and asked with a smile, "so this is what it means to be a poet?", before resting to die. Suddenly, Da Nunz arrived on the scene and saw Pete dying, so they resuscitated him. He got up and made peace with Elred for spoiling the metaphor. Elred tried convincing one of Da Nunz, the one with green hair, to join the Bognin Ballers, by professing his love, by telling her his "real name" (which was actually his fake name, Dennis Guise). She thought he was weird by using an alias, but she did think Billiot the Idiot was cute, because her type is elongated gnomes, so she joined anyway. As the Bognin Ballers left the tournament, they were stopped by a man in trench coat with sunglasses and a hat on... it was none other than Gerrard Bognin, who acknowledged them and endorsed them with a "Bognin approved" badge. Later, Bo Jangles briefed Poetry Pete on their plan to lure out the Black Knight by using him virtually as bait. Understanding the assignment, he wondered if it'd be better to get more of the Adverse Occult, recommending King Dedede, a strong combatant, and Daddy, a skilled fighter, but everyone was quick to deny the requests. He then suggested the other three, Gnonna Go, Jamel and Ray.
===Adongralo - Chapter 6: Gangs of London===
Poetry Pete took the Bognin Ballers to London, informing them that Gnonna Go was hiding under the alias Alex Jones to deter the Black Knight, where he'd started a podcast called InfoWars, where he'd discuss his opinions. Poetry Pete told him that the Bognin Ballers were trying to find and defeat the Black Knight Gang by luring them out with members of their party. Seeing how the plan could potentially work and how it would definitely benefit him, Alex Jones agreed to join them under one condition. He proceeded to tell them to look out the window, where they saw The Only Way Is Essex stars and Eastenders stars battling it out in a gang war. Jones considered them scum for disrupting the ecosystem of west-end London, so he requested that they stop the war somehow (likely by killing both leaders). To better familiarise themselves with the situation, Jones explained that West-End London was split into seven parts and either gang was in control of three of them each: the TOWIE stars were in control of Essex, Grimsby, and Shrilanka, while the Eastenders controlled Albert Square, Coronation Street, and Holby. The remaining area, the isle of man, was where both gangs were gathering that evening for an all-out battle, so the Bognin Ballers attended too. The leaders of either gang, Joey Essex and Phil Mitchell came together in the silence before battle and started a thumb war, both of them saying, "1, 2, 3, 4, I declare a thumb war, 5, 6, 7, 8, who do we appreciate? Bow. Kiss. Fight!" before going at it. Both sides started brutally fighting each other while the thumb war engaged, so the Bognin Ballers stepped in. Joey Essex and Phil Mitchell noticed them and temporarily halted their battle, knowing a third party had just entered. They gathered that they were there to end the gang war, so they came up with a wager. If any one of the Bognin Ballers could beat Joey Essex in a longest "yeah boy!!!" competition, they'd stop fighting, so Elred, Billiot, and M.A.R.G.E. rose to the challenge. Elred dropped first with a time of 11.07 seconds, although followed by Joey Essex who got 12.89 seconds. Having succeeded in their mission, Billiot and M.A.R.G.E. started going for a world record: Billiot dropped at 13 seconds exactly, while M.A.R.G.E. managed to reach 20.90 seconds. Joey Essex and Phil Mitchell agreed to stop their gang war and even decided to join the Bognin Ballers to stop the Black Knight Gang, aware of the misery he was causing. The party returned to Alex Jones victorious, fully recruiting him as well.
===Adongralo - Chapter 7: Devastating Consequences===
Alex Jones informed the Bognin Ballers about reports of two men, a pig head and a poop head, being seen in a town nearby. Assuming that they were the final Adverse Occult members, Jamel and Ray respectively, they set out to get them. They arrived in the town at noon and Bo Jangles told everyone to investigate the location of the pig head and poop head. Bryeek, Elred, Billiot, and Iron Juan went to the fountain, where Elred "accidentally" pushed Iron Juan, while Bryeek was pissing in it, getting him all wet and piss-covered. Elred also made a wish in the fountain that he wouldn't tell anyone except God, because it wouldn't come true otherwise. Suddenly, they noticed Bo Jangles, Poetry Pete, and Alex Jones on the other side of the fountain talking, which surprised them. Elred was trying to see what they were saying by lip-reading, but he just ended up doing mocking impressions saying things like "I'm Mr. Bo Jangles and I think I'm the leader! Oooh, look at me!" and several Alex Jones impressions. Jangles eventually saw them out of the corner of his eye and hollered them over to explain that he was just telling Pete, and Jones about how he's surprised they haven't been hunted down by the Ranger, the Black Knight's personal bounty hunter, yet. He also clarified that each primary member of the Black Knight Gang are users of one specific school of magic, so they need to be prepared to face any type of enemy. Bryeek, Elred, and Billiot left the group then went to the fletcher to get crossbows. Elred kicked the store owner in the ribs, breaking her back, for no reason, but she was still willing to advertise her wares, but they soon realised that they still don't have any money. Elred and the store owner got into an argument about the price of a crossbow with Sanrio designs on it. She ended up pushing a button that caused all the crossbows on the walls to fire a bolt at the party, piercing them all, except Billiot, who crawled out of the shop and waited outside. In a fit of rage, Elred cast a fire bolt, but the woman dodged it by using her broken spine, then fired the crossbows again. Elred's assault continued as he struck at her with his rapier, but missed again due to the same trick, where she used the Sanrio crossbow to shoot him in the face, mortally wounding him, but he used his rapier to stab her immediately after. She called him an "asshole" in her final breath, before Elred took the Sanrio crossbow. Billiot came back in and got a crossbow with Xbox Gears of War designs, while Bryeek got one with cosmetics that made it look like a broken crossbow. They then left and went to the Blacksmiths, where they met the owner, StreetFighterFanNo3, who had an idea for a what he calls a "videogame" called "Street Fighter IV", so Billiot followed up saying that he was thinking of something similar in concept to this "videogame", which would involve a fighting bear and a luchador in a Jaguar mask, so Elred suggested the name "Taken". Elred asked to see his wares, but he just got in front of the counter and showed them his clothes, so Elred corrected him and they were shown his stuff. Bryeek eyed up the Morning Star, but wanted an Evening one instead, so StreetFighterFanNo3 put in an order for one from his brother and asked Bryeek to mail it. They then left and went to Tescos, where they collected some meal deals and bumped into Plin Plon the clown who offered to pay for their meal deals as thanks for the whole King debacle a couple days prior. They got to the till and the cashier asked if they wanted to sign up for a Tesco Clubcard in exchange for their souls, so they agreed and were given three demonic papers made from hellfire, which they were supposed to sign in blood. Fortunately, Plin Plon had some extra clown blood for them to use, so they were able to get cards without selling their souls, although they didn't even get a discount on their meal deals with them. One positive though was that there were The Office (UK) post stamps behind the counter available for purchase, which Bryeek bought and used to post the letter given to him by StreetFighterFanNo3. They bid farewell to Plin Plon, but she mentioned that they should stay say from the poo head and pig head roaming around, surprising the three of them, but it had apparently been on the news that he was in the town just over by the abandoned castle. They thanked her for the information, as she got in her honking clown car, then went to the bar to gather the Bognin Ballers and set off. They arrived in the town, which seemed almost like... a ghost town, but since it was so large, Bo Jangles suggested they split the group up a bit to cover more ground so, Bryeek, Billiot, Elred, King Octopus, the Nun with Green Hair, and Hong Kong Phooey set off North. They looked around and Billiot found a wounded gnome man with a poo head, instantly realising it was Ray, the man they were looking for. He let out several groans of pain, before falling unconscious. Suddenly, they began hearing the clip-clopping of a horse behind them, where they saw a man dressed as a cowboy - it was the Ranger. He pointed his hand crossbow at them and spoke (surprisingly had a hillbilly voice rather than a cowboy voice, but everyone just went with it), explaining that he knew the Bognin Ballers had killed two of his targets already, but have now gathered the rest of them there that very day, so he thanked them, however he assured them that he was going to kill them all. He asked if they had any last words, so Bryeek detailed his traumatic childhood experiences of pushing his balls into his body, which caused the Ranger to explain that was perfectly normal and shouldn't be something he's ashamed about. Bryeek asked him if he could do it, so the Ranger stood up on his horse and pulled down his trousers with one hand, while still pointing his crossbow at the party with the other. He then shoved his ball sack into his body, before inhaling his cigarette and exhaling it as his balls dropped back out, before revealing his "party trick", which was to inhale his cigarette, as his balls went in, then exhaled, as his balls dropped and the smoke came out of his penis. Everyone was impressed, but then a bunch of the local fauna in the abandoned area approached at the whims of the Ranger, who was now preparing himself for battle. Bryeek, King Octopus, and the Nun with Green Hair attacked the Ranger, so he called them meanies and ran away on his horse, while his animal allies approached. The other three started attacking the nearby animals that were approaching an unconscious Ray, protecting him. Elred and Hong Kong Phooey rapidly advanced towards the other animals to deal with them, while Bryeek and King Octopus approached the Ranger by attacking the animals in their path. Billiot the Idiot and the Nun with Green Hair stayed in the initial position, protecting Ray and providing support to the others (mainly Elred who was getting viciously mauled by a group of squirrels). Although the start was somewhat balanced, things took a turn for the worse as Elred and Hong Kong Phooey were getting viciously beaten by squirrels, a problem that grew worse as foxes, and later snakes, approached too, in addition, Bryeek attempted to advance towards the Ranger while ignoring a fox that he trusted King Octopus to deal with, but it ended up tearing one of his tentacles off and mortally wounding him further. The Nun with Green Hair was also missing a lot of her dodgeball shots at enemies, embarrassing herself in front of her crush, Billiot the Idiot. Hong Kong Phooey retreated and the Nun with Green Hair revived him, while Billiot the Idiot was forced by Elred to stop helping him and deal with the fox attacking King Octopus, while Elred attempted to tank the damage he was receiving from the animals surrounding him. Elred managed to kill a squirrel, but he was attacked by a snake, putting him in critical condition, so the fox dragged him into its little den with the snake. He was mortally wounded and bleeding out. The snake and fox were preparing to lay down the final blow, until Hong Kong Phooey appeared just beyond the den. A smile grew across Elred's face, but his eyes were growing heavy due to his wounds and he didn't have any more strength to continue. By the time Hong Kong Phooey got to him, he was already dead.
== Gallery ==
ElredCockamamieJones.jpg|Elred Cockamamie-Jones (1st edition render)
CockStoleBass.png|Uboob Duncan III's Wanted Poster for Elred
Category:The Wavis D&D Legend
Category:Adongralo
Category:Playable Characters
Category:Characters
Category:Dead Characters