Guy Fieri?

We control Natter now,,,
Guy Fieri? is the Food Vore Cryptid of natter.
Guy Fieri? is a tier 2 shitposter and a level 6 Paladin. He is a night prowler who most often is found at 2am EST posting incoherent garbage and trying to 🅱️alidate his shitty existence. He has a lifelong knowledge of the arcane arts. To some, he is a legend - to others, he's really fucking annoying. He has rightfully earned his natter license to say "fuck".
He does not take bullshit and will 🅱️lock you in a heartbeat. Despite being a food critic, he can only make instant ramen, and it tears him up emotionally inside.
== The Beginning ==
In the beginning Guy Fieri? asked one fateful question...
"Eat the bees?"
Upon asking this question, the legendary Chihiro Fujisaki responded with "bee vore". Whether they realized what they had done is unknown, but from that day forth the world was never the same. The the Atlantic Ocean opened up, swallowing entire continents whole, plagues ravaged cities all over the world, the USSR reinstated diplomatic control over Asia, and goblins were still really really scary. In the end, the damage was already done. Guy Fieri? came out of the wreckage a broken man and his sanity has only deteriorated from there.
== The Food Vore Cryptid Legacy ==
Guy Fieri? is absolutely obsessed with vore, and being an ex food connoisseur, the transition to voring humans and inanimate objects was second nature. In the dead of night, the elusive and highly endangered Guy Fiery? goes on the prowl for his next victim, before sleeping the rest of the day away. His palette is non-discriminatory, as eye witness accounts claim that he has vored humans, animals, plants, rocks, and various household objects. He has been known to vore dirt when desperate. He still really really hates eggs though, and will c r o n c h them simply out of spite.
The title of "food vore cryptid" is very liberal term, as everyone is food, and everyone will be vored.
Guy Fieri?'s vore ability is able to send his victims to the fabled realm of Flavortown, where they will inevitably burn in fiery damnation for all of eternity - or just watch the same episode of Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives "Triple D All Stars" on endless repeat. There is no escape from his hell. If you are willing to invoke the wrath of Guy Fieri? then you will most likely never see the light of day again.
== The Origin of 🆑🅾️🅱️ ==
Like the birth of the Big Bang, 🆑🅾️🅱️ came without warning. The night began when Guy Fieri? was truly desperate for 🅱️alidation and felt he needed to leave his mark in natter history. Since "ветсн" wasn't catching on, he attempted to string together some form of emotionally-evocative phrase with what little resources he had. With one almond, a piece of string, two paperclips, and a lifelong knowledge of the arcane arts, he got to work. The results were catastrophic, and thus 🆑🅾️🅱️ was born. It almost ended in disaster, as nobody wanted anything to do with his bullshit, until the great and all-powerful Ereptile decided to humor his antics and rebuttal with his own "🆑🅾️🅱️". Thus marked the day of an incredible life-long friendship.
🆑🅾️🅱️ has since become a term universally known throughout the galaxy and all alternate dimensions. Its direct translation is unknown, but is synonymous with words such as "love", "admiration", and "According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible. Yellow black, yellow black, yellow black OHH black and yellow! Lets spice things up a b- "
== Cooks ==
Cooks, named so by the gods of unconventional suffering, is a fierce deity that guards Guy Fieri? with his life as well as provides him relationship and financial advice. Guy Fieri? is deeply in 🆑🅾️🅱️ with his godly protector, despite him being an annoying little shit and biting Guy's fucking face when he feels especially sassy.
Guy Fieri? has released many many embarrassing pictures of Cooks to the natter community, including his high school prom photos and the time he went blackout drunk at a Mormon birthday party. The natter community tends to show positive feedback towards Cooks and his various antics, citing such lines as "what a heckin cutie" and "im shaking in soul crushing terror". However, due to Cook's native tongue, he well never be able to experience the 🅱️alidation of these positive encounters. His shortcomings do not stop his pride, however, as he will still bite the ever living fuck out of Guy Fieri? regardless of how much positive feedback he may receive.
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Shown to the left is rare documented footage of Cooks accompanying Guy Fieri? in a late night vore binge. Out on the prowl, Cooks allows his natural instincts to take over as he consumes everything in his way. His attack on mankind is relentless. Guy Fieri? aides him in his massacre, corralling the victims ever closer to Cook's gaping maw. In the end, as the USSR finally corner the dastardly duo, Cooks escapes in a godly torrent of wind and raw power, leaving Guy Fieri? to fend off the assailants alone.
== God Fieri ==
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God Fieri appeared briefly when Hin was summoned a second time, attempting to vore the ascended Krungle during Krungle's accost of Flavortown and attack against Hin. He appeared a second time during The God Vore.
God Fieri reigns dominion over Flavortown, his home dimension. He will protect his dimension with his life and won't take your fuckery. Period. His physical form is very difficult to grasp by mortals, and thus it is easy for a normal natter to be disoriented by the sheer amount of moist hell smashing into their retinas.
When ascended, God Fieri's vore ability does NOT send it's victims into the fabled realm of Flavortown (unlike Guy Fieri?'s vore ability). Instead, it destroys the victims permanently, through vicious cronching and slorpy stomach acid.
"This is MY REALM!! YOU HAVE NO DOMINION OVER MY REALM!!!" - God Fieri confronting ascended Krungle
== Alliegances ==
=== Hin War ===
* Guy Fieri? ultimately decided not to take sides in this war, preferring to watch the discourse from afar.
=== Pul Pot and Bul Bot War ===
* Guy Fieri? took sides wholeheartedly with Pul Pot, refusing to be swayed even by Nicole.
=== Almond War ===
* Guy Fieri? finds almonds and almond milk disgusting, reasoning that they are just hard oily turds.
==== Him War ====
* Guy Fieri? helped the Natters against Him and King God Tut and vored them into the safety of the Flavortown dimension and Avery's Earth 2.
==== Hin's Return ====
* Guy Fieri? helped to summon Hin and ascended to confront Krungle against their attack on Flavortown and Hin.
==== The God Vore ====
* Guy Fieri? fused with Ereptile Malfunction and Succ Orb several times to create horrible monstrosities and then proceeded to vore NEIL into oblivion, the trio taking his power. They control Natter now.
== Relationships ==
Guy Fieri? has a strong admiration for many natters in the natter community.
==== Good Friends/Close Pals - Shitpost Central ====
* Ereptile Malfunction
* Succ Orb
* Avery VII
* Lucy Coolerthanu
* Wet Hot Arthritis
* Gordon Ramsay?
==== Strong Admiration - Kings & Queens of Natter ====
* Krungle McGrurderson
* Mod Hurgle Turgle
* Fluff
* Snek
==== Friends - Good Kiddos ====
* Woah There
* Tiny Fox
* Gurf Gurf
* Nipples Jr.
==== Mortal Enemies ====
* Egg™
* Cool Crab
* Soup Daddy
== Various Quotes ==
"without the ? in Guy Fieri? people would assume im just Guy Fieri and not a cheese bagel in human skin"
"according to the multiverse theory there's at least one universe where im a hot-n-ready pizza""why have house insurance when you can just staple whole roast turkeys onto your house for maximum protection""sit back, relax, and vore an entire roast hog without taking a single breath""*rises from the grave* yea ill have the ten piece chicken mcnugget meal with a medium coke pls""*lays myself in front of a moving car* hit me daddy ;)""mr sandman man me a sand"
Category:Natters