The Protectors of the Canonical Worlds/Main Story/EP0/CH2

<tabber>The Planning Phase=
Now How Will We Do This?
Deric:So, how are we going to do this?
Celia:We're already disguised as those who would reasonably want to bring order back. Now we just need to head off to the Spearheaded Mountains.
Deric:Of course. We'll probably need the Immortalkiller to kill the Sue-phantom. But what will we use to make a successful exorcism? We have to at least knock Legumen unconsious during the process, so that the Sue-phantom doesn't make Legumen resist the process, but we can't actually KILL her, because she's a canon character-The PHANTOM needs to be killed. So we can't use the Immortalkiller on Legumen.
Celia:Well, we DO have a spell to cast her to sleep, don't we?
Deric:She's a GOD! Our spells don't work on her!!
Celia:So something that can knock her unconscious without killing her..
Seriously, How Will We Do This?
Celia:Wait, we can't do that!
Deric:Why not? We have the bell, we have the candle, and we have our canonical source! *takes out a phone that had open the Flown Digger thread*
Celia:*muffled laughter* You really think THAT will work?
Deric:It's a canonical source! It WILL work!
Celia:No, it's a computer displaying an image of a canonical source!
Deric:No, the thread IS the canonical source!
Celia:No, all you have is electrical currents flowing across the computer, out of which a very small portion happens to form an encoded form of the canonical source.. With other code in the middle to separate the posts, and display the users' profile pictures. That won't do a thing. We need another way.. 
Deric:Well, you're a Cleric, right? Can't you just use Turn Undead?
Celia:I can only use that AFTER the Sue-phantom is out, not before!
Deric:Then use Break Enchantment!
Celia:Unfortunately, it doesn't work against Sue influence. If only I had known that before..
Deric:Can't it make spirits leave?
Celia:In 5e, yes, in 3.5e, NO!
Deric:*ding* I got it! 
Celia:Really? What is it? 
Deric:They say if you split an immortal god into two.. Half is the god, and half is the spirit possessing them! We can get the Sue-phantom out THAT way!
Celia:..Are you serious? Who would even let you do that? We don't even have the power to do that!
Can We Just Come Up With a Plan Already?
Deric:Sanctus can help us out with that! All we have to do is make a case that Legumen's possessed.. Pretty easy since she changed drastically around the time the fic started..
Celia:Wait. SANCTUS? Wouldn't that wake Legumen up?
Deric:Normally, it would. But Agryipnia's tail is SO sleep-inducing when eaten.. She'll sleep through it all! We can just use that!
Celia:You seriously think she'll fall for that? She's a Sue and a canonical god, there's no way she wouldn't recognize the lollipop. She's not going to willingly eat that. Besides, all that portalling has had an effect on us.. Smelling that thing will probably knock us out!
Deric:We'll think of a plan.. And come on, it might make us a bit more drowsy, but falling asleep? Oh, please..
Celia:Well, I guess we don't have any BETTER plans.. I guess we'll go with that one..
|-|More Planning=
Did You Guys Seriously Forget About Temporal Distortions?
Deric:..Celia.. I don't feel so good...
Celia:Wait, what? ..We're in the modern era, so.. wait, did you seriously forget to take into account the possibility of temporal distortions? Are you aging?
Deric:..Well, I did use up all my time setting up the portals and everything..
Celia:Seriously?! ..Okay, when were we summoned?
Deric:A few years ago, right? This fic used to take place a few years after Chaos Will Reign?
Celia:..And now we're a few years after the Wormhole War. ...This is actually perfect! We are SO lucky. We can still take into account the distortions.. Set our disguises up.. Calibrate it with the time.. And..
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Celia:And we're done!
Deric:Hurray! I'm not aging! ..Wait, why do I feel different?
Celia:.... *lightbulb* We were summoned later on, so we were also summoned from later on. After the Spellplaque happened, after the Sundering fixed it all.. We're not third edition.. We're fifth edition.
Deric:..Well, at least we're not fourth edition.. ...But now that THAT'S taken care of, we can look for Agrypnia...
Can You Really Call This A Plan? I Mean, We Don't Even Know How to Find Agrypnia
Celia:But where will we find him?
Deric:Well, he's the god of insomnia:So he'd be near the people who would be falling asleep around this time, to stop them from falling asleep. Since it's around noon here in Paletumque, then that means nightfall is around.. India.
And so, they teleport to India.
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Celia:Maybe the temporal distortion to modern times was actually a good thing.. Now we can just find a hospital, and there's going to be people put into comas for Agryphnia to confort! ...If we can understand Hindi..
Deric:They also speak English there too, and it's a pretty common second language. It's also commonly used in business, so they'll probably still be labeled in English. ...After all, T-Series has an English name.
Celia:...Not T-Series! ..Pewdiepie, I hope he stays number 1!
Deric:...T-Series already overtook PewdiePie.. But we should probably focus on finding the hospital
Celia:Of course..
After some quick searching they found one.
Celia:Now to find out the best way to find Agryphnia in here..
|-|Agryphnia Arc=
Unidentified Teleporting Specimen
Deric:Well, I know a way to get in! And look everywhere and find them! Teleportation! *teleports inside the building*
Celia:...He's just revealed to the world that teleportation is real..
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Deric:Here? No.. Here? No..
??? (probably the manager of the place):We've got a break-in.. Looks like they're searching for someone..
???:It's probably a terrorist! Sound the alarm!! ...And this guy has PSI too?! ..Alright, should we just prosecute him, or should we experiment on him for his powers?
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Celia:This is why I didn't just teleport inside! Seriously, Deric, you should have thought of a better plan!
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Deric:This one? No.. That one? No... Wait! Comatose patients have their own section!! I'll just teleport to the different sections! ...There we go!
Deric:Agryphnia! I came looking for you... Well, actually we, but one of us isn't here for some reason... Legumen's been possessed, and we need to put him to sleep so he won't resist the exorcism...
So... How Were You Going To Get the Immortalkiller Again?
Agryphnia:..Ooh, you do?
Deric:Yeah! Just a piece of that lollipop will do it! We already have planned who will do it:We just need the lollipop to keep him asleep during the process.
Agryphnia:*yawn* Sure, thing.. Just remember.. Don't eat it yourself..
Deric:Oh, of course we wouldn't do that! So.. You go do your thing.. I'm out of here. *teleports back outside the hospital*
Deric:See? We got it! Now, we can go to Sanctus and perform the excorsism!
Celia:We still don't have the weapon to kill the Sue-phantom with!
Deric:...Right.. So.. Trip to Spearheaded Mountains, anyone?
Celia:..In fifth edition, Endure Elements doesn't exist! ...Our original plan of using that spell to make the trip to the Immortalkiller is gone!! How will we survive the intense heat there?
|-|The Adipiscing Arc=
The Search for Adipiscing
Deric:Hmm… Well, we need something that will cool us down for the trip. ...Frosty is an obvious choice, at first, but being covered in frozen treats isn't actually a good idea.. But water would be quite effective.
Celia:The Nightmarish Noodle can create water, but the time and effort it would take to get there probably isn't worth it, since as time goes on, more and more characters will get affected by Legumen's Sue-phantom! 
Deric:In that case, we need to seek Adipiscing.
Celia:Adipiscing? Do you know how large the ocean is? Covers around two-thirds of the ocean, and she could be anywhere in there! I'm not even sure which is harder:Finding her, or finding the Nightmarish Noodle!
Deric:What, you thought we were going to have to look through the entire ocean? No, we'll just catch her visiting some otters. Some of them can be found in Canada. Maybe we can go there.
Celia:We can also find them in Florida.. Or, an even smaller place, some of the Aleutian Islands. They're actually a keystone species there. Now, what do we know about the sea otters there?
 
Deric:The sea otter inhabits nearshore environments, where it dives to the sea floor to forage. However, they can be playful. The North American river otters are usually very playful... But those are found in Florida and Canada, not the Aleutian Islands.
Celia:So otters generally can be playful... Kind of fits Adipiscing, doesn't it?
 
Deric:Yes, it does. Though I'm pretty sure her playing is easier to deal with than whatever effort it takes to reach the Nightmarish Noodle.
Deric:..Of course! We'll teleport to Alaska.. Then get ourselves close enough to the islands with a few more teleports to teleport on the islands without landing in the ocean. 
And they did that exact plan. Then they approached the shore.
 
Deric:We've got to find some here! Since sea otters are popular here, Adipiscing probably visits here a lot!
And so, the agents started searching.
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Celia:Seriously, how long are we going to have to search for these otters? Can't we just find some way to look for them WITHOUT going through the entire coastal shore?
 
Deric:Well, there is a nice trick. If there's a lot of people gathered up, we'll just follow them, and we'll end up where we need to be. There's nobody nearby right now.. So we'll just teleport around a kilometer forward.
 
And so, they do. And then they do this again.. Until they spot the crowd, whom they follow, to meet the otters...
Celia:Oh, Adipiscing!
 
Deric:I know what happened with the gummy bears!
 
Celia glared at Deric. Now they'd have to deal with explaining what happened.. WITHOUT looking like they were gods themselves! If he had just kept to simply saying the name..
 
Similarly, Deric was wondering why Celia didn't just say the phrase. That's the MOST effective way of making her appear! Was Celia seriously planning on doing things the hard way? She should have just said the phrase...
While we don't know who got Adipiscing's attention, we do know one thing.
She rose out of the water.
Intro to Adipiscing
After Adipising rose, the agents explained to Adipiscing what they needed to do.
Deric:You see, Adipiscing, the reason why Legumen changed that one day was because she was actually possessed by a very, very powerful undead..
Celia:We're planning on having Sanctus exorcise the spirit, but if we don't destroy it, it'll just try again...
Deric:So we were going to find the only weapon capable of destroying it:The Immortalkiller.
Celia:Well, that's not the ONLY weapon capable of doing it, but we don't want to risk destroying everything with the Nightmarish Noodle. Besides, we wouldn't survive that trip.
Deric:But as you know, the heat over at Spearheaded Mountains starts to become unbearable eventually.. Which is why we were looking for you, so you could help cool us off for the trip!
Adipiscing: Alllriiiight, Mr. and Ms. Exorcist. 
Celia:Um, Sanctus is doing the exorcism. We're killing the spirit. If you're wondering how we can get that to even happen without there being a big resistance, let's just say we're getting help from a certain god of insomnia.
Adipiscing: I'll still call you that. *blink* Also, can I keep the otter?
Deric:I don't see a reason why you wouldn't get to keep the otter.. So go ahead!
Celia:So, are we teleporting again?
Deric:Yeah, we're teleporting again. To Africa. North-eastern Africa, since that's the most likely place of the Spearhead Mountains.
Celia:Hang on for the ride, Adipiscing..
And so, Adipsicing wrapped her tail around Celia's wrist rather than just holding hands.. But even still, it worked.
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Adipisicing:Seriously, this is ridiculous. Can't Gabriel just write my lines herself? Why does she have to make Butterflyunicorn write all the lines?
Delinae:Oh, what's this we have here? That name is copyrighted, and you used it without their permission!
Adipsicing:Oh, what's wrong with a little name?
Delinae:You don't get a defense. Instead, you're going to have to wait over in Ignotus until things get sorted out. *sends Adipiscing to Ignotus*
Celia:Seriously? AGAIN?! First the time weirdness means we can't use Endure Elements, and NOW Adipiscing is gone!
Delinae:Oh, and I'm taking this down for copyright.
[COPYRIGHT STRIKE 1]
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The Journey in Mt. Coffin
Deric:And now, here we are! The Immortalkiller is almost ours!
Celia:Deric.. That was the easy part. Now we have to actually navigate the mountain, and find it.
Deric:Well.. At least we're at the entrance. We might as well just come down. Adipsicing's here to cool us down.. So we'll be just fine!
Celia:Yep, we might as well just get through this.
[ERROR:THIS SECTION CANNOT BE FOUND]
|-|Sanctus and the Exorcism=[ERROR:THIS SECTION CANNOT BE FOUND]
And not long afterwards, Legumen fell asleep from it. Sanctus then performed the exorcism, and the Sue-phantom left Legumen.
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Celia:Alright, now we need to charge the phantom:And quick! Ready?
Deric:Sure am!
Celia:To the spirit who had once possessed Legumen:You are hereby charged with speaking the narration, bringing Eclipse and Adolebitque out of character, bringing Ticker so out-of character that he's not even canon anymore, killing Eclipse, Screentime, Ticker, Amore, and Inky without the Immortalkiller, *breath* making Screentime two people, turning Adolebitque into a loaf of bread, getting Adolebitque to propose to Legumen, and making the time period inconsistent.
 
Deric:You are also charged with having Craig's List cause "Halcanopenerians" to go from Earth to Paletumque, making two different chapters happen at the same time, giving ancient Egyptians electricity, making the Egyptian Gods into Sith Lords, causing poison flowers to appear from a lack of spoons, creating the "kings in America", creating "Blaster Gasters", making Legumen more powerful than Tinker, bringing La Manie back to life without proper justification, and last, but certainly not least, being a blatant Mary Sue.
 
Celia:Any last words? Oh wait, you don't get any. Partner, you can throw that spear now.
And so, Gerald threw the spear at the phantom, killing it, and La Manie, who was behind Legumen. Because the Immortalkiller had just been used, it now returned to Mt Coffin, where it would rest again until it would need using.
And that's the end of Chapter 2! Chapter 3 is coming soon...
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