Hooplorama

This is the 16th episode of Hoopla's Fantastic Beach, and the 2nd episode of season 2.
(October 21st, 2519)
[Neo Buzzkini Bottom]
Hoopla: Wow. So this is what the future looks like?
Doclement: Yes. The world is out of fossil fuels so we rely on… other sources.
Hoopla: Example?
Doclement: Well...I won’t say what it is but, it’s very white and slimy.
Hoopla: Ooh! Ice cream! I can’t wait to eat some of that fuel.
Doclement: I’d rather you wouldn’t.
(Their time machine passes a sign saying “Neo Buzzkini Bottom”)
Hoopla: Hey, what happened to Bikini Bottom?
Doclement: It was overrun by the jellyfish who proclaimed it “Buzzkini Bottom”. After the jellyfish evolution era, they renamed it to “Neo Buzzkini Bottom”. They’re addicted to eating neon. Don’t ask. Fish still live here, they just don’t rule anymore.
Hoopla: Ok, cool.
Doclement: Laws have also changed drastically. Privacy is hard to find nowadays. Security cameras could be anywhere at any moment. Even... bathrooms. Yes, that law changed too.
Hoopla: Aw dang, I guess Boopla’s black market hobby is gone.
Doclement: No actually, that turned into an entire different country.
Hoopla: Huh. What is it called?
Doclement: Boopla States of the Pacific Ocean.
Hoopla: o. Wait I thought he was a rapper for the rest of his life.
Doclement: That’s the country’s religion. AND national anthem.
Hoopla: Well, that must mean we all didn’t die, right? How else could this happen?
Doclement: I’m not sure about that. Thankfully, I know a professor that could explain it to us. Who happens to be your great great great great great great great grandson.
Hoopla: I FIND LOVE?
Doclement: Adopted son.
Hoopla: God damn it! For a second I had my hopes up.
(Doclement parks their time machine, and the professor walks out, intrigued)
Professor Hooplit VII: Hello there. Who be you peasants?
Hoopla: Looks like English has evolved a long way. Or… devolved.
Professor Hooplit VII: The language of English has evolved and devolved over the course of many years. Anyways, who are you doofuses?
Hoopla: Well apparently I'm your great great great great great great great great grandfather or something like that.
Professor Hooplit VII: How did you get a time machine so far back in… time? Time machines weren’t invented until 2490.
Hoopla: Uhhhhh I dunno.
Doclement: You must be in the wrong timeline then. Wait. Are we in the wrong timeline? Am I real? Are you real? Am I going through an existential crisis-?
Hoopla: Maybe, that or you’re just going through puberty instead.
Doclement: I went through puberty a long time ago.
Hoopla: I mean like if there was a second puberty, like puberty 2.0.
Professor Hooplit VII: Amateurs.
Hoopla: What?
Professor Hooplit VII: AMATEURS. We have 69 and a half puberties. The half comes from when you’re born.
Hoopla: Sounds like hell to me. You guys must be as hairy as sea gorillas.
Professor Hooplit VII: Not really. We use those puberties to get bigger brains, grow tails, stuff like that.
Hoopla: Say what now?
Professor Hooplit VII: My tail got chopped off for insulting a jellyfish. It was terrible.
Doclement: Um, this conversation has gotten way off track. I am going to tell you why we are here. We need to know if we ever devised a plan to stop those aliens.
Professor Hooplit VII: Well, look at the city. It doesn’t look like it was ever destroyed, right?
Doclement: So...we stopped them?
Professor Hooplit VII: Who says you stopped them? The city could’ve been rebuilt over time.
Hoopla: This is confusing, please dumb it down.
Doclement: Please professor, answer our questions!
Professor Hooplit VII: I’m afraid I can’t do that. But I know someone who can. My ex-husband’s brother’s best friend’s sister can help with that. Her name is Hooplaette LIX.
Hoopla: EX-HUSBAND? YOU WERE GAY?!
Professor Hooplit VII: I’m afraid I can’t answer that question. But what you can do is BUY THIS LASER GUN ON E-BAY ONLY 49.99 ON SALE HALF THE PRICE SPONSORED BY ME!
Hoopla: SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!
Doclement: Um...sure. Do you know where that person lives?
Professor Hooplit VII: Neo Buzzkini Bottom Federal + Galactic Jail.
Doclement: Huh. Ok...Come on Hoopla, let’s go there.
Hoopla: Whatever you say!
(They leave)
Professor Hooplit VII: Hehe, they fell right into my trap.
(At the Jail...)
Hoopla: This place is scary, and it smells bad!
Hash Slinging Slasher - The Return: Stay still, lemme stab ya!
Hoopla: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! THE SASH RINGING… THE TRASH SINGING… 
Hash Slinging Slasher - The Return: SHUT THE (bleep) UP!
Alpollioh: hey are you hoopla?
Hoopla: Yes?
Alpollioh: i’m alpooh’s great great something grandson. my name was based after the polio disease and i hate myself.
Hoopla: Ok cool. We are looking for a Hooplaette LIX around here. Do you know where we can find her?
Alpollioh: i know her. she’s the prison guard around here. take three right turns and a left and you should find her reading ancient history books as always.
Hoopla: Ok cool. And why do you keep speaking in lowercase?
Alpollioh: it’s a family tradition. get used to it.
Hoopla: Ok cool story bro.
(Hoopla goes to find Hooplaette LIX)
Hoopla: Hey are you Hooplaette LIX?
Doclement: Yes, we need to find out some valuable information.
Hooplaette LIX: Where did you come from?
Doclement: We came from Hooplit VII.
Hooplaette LIX: That guy? Screw him. He cheated on me with a guy, faked his professor status, and wasted all his money on pointless advertising and gambling.
Hoopla: Damn it, I thought my family would do something good in the future.
Doclement: I knew it. I could tell it by the way he moved his body around. Awkward and fidgety.
(Suddenly, Hooplit VII appears behind them)
Hooplit VII: So you fell into my trap. Hooplaette LIX, move out of the way. This is gonna get NASTY!
Hooplaette LIX: No!
Hooplit VII: (pulls out futuristic neon knife) Very well then, I guess I'm gonna have to kill you.
Hooplaette LIX: Uhhh, ok boss! Moving out of the way!
Hooplit VII: Now for you too…(he presses a button)
Hoopla: AAAAAAAAAA! You realize you're killing your own great whatever grandfather!
Doclement: Oh brother.
(They fall through a trapdoor)
Hoopla: I always wanted to do this! I read it in a book called '1001 Things to Do While Falling in a Hole!'
Doclement: We are going to die.
Hoopla: Yeah, hitting the floor is gonna hurt!
Doclement: No, you’re going to fall into that dimension vortex. It has access to all dimensions, and the ability to create new ones from DNA, you might survive, but you will probably die.
Hoopla: What do you mean by "you"?
Doclement: I’m escaping, I’ll get out and save you at a later time. Have fun in there!
(Doclement jumps off Hoopla into a vent in the wall while Hoopla falls into the vortex)
Hoopla: Oh noes, what ever to do now? Well at least this was in the book.
(Hoopla falls into the vortex)
Hoopla: AAAAAABLOPRRORPFEIVHUWIDHAS-
ZRRRIP!
(end)
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