A Fistful of Crecibles/Session 6

As Aristom and company do their thing, Timmy McKeough and his battlegroup move to challenge the Kobolds in their "Fortress" - a McKeough mine abandoned to the kobolds some months ago. Tucker has spent all this time waiting for a moment like this to happen — preparing the mine with traps, firing slits, boiling oil, and other nasty surprises for any attackers. Timmy, filled with rage at the desecration of his flowers and the threatening of his sheep (especially his favorite ewe, betsy)
came directly to the mine which was advertised to him (by the kobold raiders) as "the headquarters of the Kobolds of T".
In his van was the daredevil Armored Car of Max von Strecke (who was disappointed to see that the cowardly Kobolds had retreated into the mine, and therefore stayed out and was not killed), as well as several armored transports explicitly designed for in-mine operations, and the centerpiece of Timmy's armada: A giant drill-tank, built to drill straight through the mines, blasting kobolds all the way.
 
The fight was fierce. The Kobolds drew Timmy and his men deep into the mines with a false sense of security, then collapsed the entryways behind them. Tucker had placed dynamite in the torches lighting the empty first third of the mine corridors, which exploded as the first armored vehicles reached the kobold defenders. Beset by kobold demolitionists, flamethrowers, and rifles fired out of holes in the walls and ceilings, the first wave of attackers were driven from their destroyed vehicles and into "Trap Land" - a horrible mix of the strangest traps that came to the mind of Ko-bald, Tucker's mad master of mazes, who slowly and joyfully killed the dwarves.
Trap Land began with a grid of holes in the ground with narrow strips of normal ground on either side. The invaders quickly found out that these holes contained spears that shot up when something passed over them. They proceeded along the "safe" spearless strips along the sides. Above them in little shafts, kobolds poured boiling tar onto their heads. Some managed to spring away from the trap, and landed in the spears. Others were severely injured but okay. Then the kobolds dropped torches. Some attempted to retreat back and down a side corridor, but even that was trapped and a boulder rolled down it and blocked the exit.
Some of the dwarves managed to survive the onslaught of traps and moved onto the next section, which was conspicuously marked by a line in the ground. Passing over the line, a guillotine dropped out of the ceiling, severely injuring one of the invaders. Vaulting over the top of the fallen blade, the next section of what appeared to be stable ground was actually hiding a pit below and balanced on a fulcrum in the middle. The man plummeted unexpectedly into a pit of acid. Dozens of dwarves met their end trying to cross this quagmire. Only two made it across to the other side of the passage.
Meanwhile, groups of riot soldiers made their way up to the second floor in testudo, only to be met with boiling oil. Their passage slowed, they dragged their massive shields on the ground to keep a channel open for them to advance to meet the kobolds, who were driven back by the return fire of the advancing soldiers. The first wave in disarray, the second wave advanced, spearheaded by the massive Mine Gargant, with Timmy in the cupola egging his men on (and Betsy in tow).
The dwarves and men surged forward, driving the kobolds off with their own explosives and flamethrowers. The Gargant showed its power with its drill-flamethrower, which broke through the walls under the ramp to the second floor and ignited the entire corridor. Only by sheer luck did the demolitionists avoid being certainly burned to death. Yet, as Tucker quickly noted, this set a ticking time bomb until the oil met the flame and started a massive mine fire. The McKeoughs pressed on, the Gargant crashing through obstacles and driving the kobolds before it.
But elsewhere the Kobolds were handily beating the McKeoughs with booby-trapped machine guns, hidden explosives, and ambush sites. Only on the second floor were the McKeoughs in control. And here Tucker made his brazen move. Sacrificing his personal guards as a distraction, he made his way to the space in the ceiling over the Gargant, and blew a hole in the side of its armor. The Kobolds, inspired by Tucker and one of his lieutenants, Krunk, rushed the tank. Krunk clambered up the sides, throwing dynamite at Timmy and opening paths. His dynamite failed to reach Timmy, but blasted a dwarf coming out to repair the damage. He stole his sheet metal and valiantly charged Timmy Mckeough, only to be felled by bullets from his machine gun. Crying "You ewe Ew Ew!" Timmy pressed the hooves of his dear Betsy onto the machine gun, guiding her to blast poor Krunk to pieces.
Tucker tried again to hit Timmy, but had difficulty getting past his excellent armor and tough hide. One of his explosive darts hit Betsy, enraging Timmy further. With a melee raging inside the Gargant, dwarven defenders being swarmed by kobolds, it looked like victory was certain. But Tucker saw the oil meet the flame and the quicksilver heated up and began burning. The giant cloud of expanding poison approached the tank and Tucker knew he had little time. He called for his companion, Gerry, to storm Timmy's position. Tucker jumped down on Timmy, whose gun exploded as it double-jammed. Pinned by Tucker and deeply wounded, Gerry beheaded Timmy and handed the resulting trophy to his boss, claiming the sheep for himself. This was a bad move. As Tucker escaped down a side corridor, Gerry attempted to wrangle Betsy the sheep to the side, only for it to kick his face in, killing him instantly. Betsy wandered out of the mine with the rest of the kobolds, and it is yet unknown where she has gone.
The engagement was predictably bloody. Max and the remaining McKeoughs withdrew, taking as much equipment as they dared with them. They had lost 75% of their force in the mine explosion. Tucker had lost more, but came out victorious with a head and some new equipment for his kobolds. The tired kobolds could barely celebrate, but this would be a day remembered.
—
Some of the locals of Geat's Bail post some fascinating newspaper clippings to the board outside of the telegraph office:
[Two pictures are attached. The first is of Aristom, Pelvis, Jerry, some kobolds, Shiqun, and the Telranians, all posing over the captured Jimmy McKeough. There is another of Aristom doing his shoot through cards trick. A third, inset, picture is an obviously staged picture of Pelvis and Aristom, guns blazing, on top of a storage shack.]
[The back of the story contains a somewhat bizarre ballad attributed to Pelvis]
[The headline picture is an extremely blurry photograph of something that could very well be a woman, but is more likely to be the result of someone taking a long exposure picture of a billowing laundry line.]
Category:Session Summaries