Private Parts

Private Parts is the eighth episode of Season 3 of Life in Bikini Bottom, and the 37th overall.
==Characters==
TBA
==Synopsis==
SpongeCock finds out that Conch Street is not legally registered as part of Bikini Bottom, causing him to declare his property an independent nation. This starts to backfire as he attempts to annex part of Bikini Bottom, catching the attention of Sheldon. Meanwhile, Trump and Biden finish preparation for the election in a final debate
==Plot==
The episode starts with an outside shot of SpongeCock’s pinyapple, as it zooms in to see SpongeCock laying on the couch, pouring a cup of lean. We hear Shitward’s song “LEANING” faintly in the background, as well as the sound of the cough syrup pour. He lounges back, taking a sip as we hear the TV after he puts it on. 
“Today on the news, we have a close race for the US presidency, as the recent backlash from the Donald Trump-backed police has caused his support to plummet,” Bubble Ass says, while reading his script. He then whispers into his arm “even though they should be voting for Jo Jorgenson… but anyway,” he says, pretending like he never said anything. “Our top story tonight, Sheldon Bastard, upon looking into the idea of starfish segregation, has raised the Bikini Bottom Police budget by nearly triple its current budget.”
SpongeCock spits his lean out of his mouth, annoyed by the announcement. “Am I really that high, or is this really-” We then see Mr. Kraps walk into the living room, having a stern look on his face while placing down a box full of weed patties. “SpongeCock, get off your lazy ass and come flip these patties. We need to get back on track, or else I’ll never make my fix.” SpongeCock turns around to acknowledge him. “Mr. Kraps, we’ve been doing this nonstop, can’t we just take the day off?” But Kraps refuses to let him get it. “Pfft, typical socialist laziness,” he says. “You make it too easy for us capitalists to strawman your ideologies. Just what about Daddy Musk and Bezos?” SpongeCock looks blankly for a second. “Daddy Musk?” “Why certainly, haven’t you ever heard of our cultish tendencies?” SpongeCock gets off the couch and gets dressed, continuing to listen to Kraps’ propaganda. “Alright, fine, but promise me I get tomorrow off.” We then see Polfgecks652 appear out of nowhere. “Day off? Day off?! There is no end to productivity! YOU SHOULD BE FIRED IF YOU TAKE BREAKS!” “Bitch,” SpongeCock says, “get out of my house.” “Nuh uh,” Polfgecks rebels, “it’s actually YOU who hates the working class.” He begins to ramble, but by that point, SpongeCock and Kraps have already gone outside, as Polfgecks is left alone.
The stand is set up outside for business as usual, as Kraps checks his watch. “Hm, the lunch rush should be coming any minute,” he says, looking ahead. SpongeCock also looks in this direction, although less optimistic. “Uh… you may wanna bat a closer eye, Mr. Kraps,” he says, as Kraps looks over. “Pfft, that’s not as bad,” he says, right before a tank missile is fired and hits the road. The camera pans over to see a large militia formed together, with the cops leading the charge. They have several tanks, vehicles with guns mounted, armored trucks, and some of them are on motorcycles with dual wield guns. 
“Oh, don’t worry boyo,” Kraps says, with a grin on his face. “I can stop this. I’m built different, you know,” he says egotistically, as he tries to march onto the road. However, as soon as his front foot hits the pavement, he jumps up in fear as a motorcycle runs right by it. “AHH! Nevermind, nevermind, I’m not built different, I’m not FlightReacts! It was all a lie!” We then see one of the tanks firing up, launching a shot in the air, while yelling “WOO BABY!” The missile gets fired, as it goes over the horizon and causes a massive explosion. “OMG HOOPLASS DIED OH GOD OH FUCK!,” someone yells from afar, as SpongeCock and Kraps shoot glances at each other.
Donald Trump: I’m going down to Bikini Bottom, gonna grab myself a pussy!
SpongeCock + Shitward: Fascism is everywhere, you don’t know what you got into!
Joe Biden: I’m going down to Bikini Bottom, gonna sniff myself some hair.
Fatprick: I was gonna take a shit, the government is tryna stop me!
Bernie Sanders: I’m going down to Bikini Bottom, let’s have Medicare for All!
Gory: Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow!
Mr. Kraps: They just took all of me money…
Sheldon Bastard: So come on down to Bikini Bottom, because you’ll be my slave here!
AT THE TRUMP/BIDEN HIDEOUT
We see both Trump and Biden in a locker room, both in robes. “Well, that was sure a sexy experience,” Trump says, as he’s drying himself with a blow dryer. “That sauna made me hot all over, just like how Ivanka does.” “Same here!” Biden agrees. “Perhaps even hotter than how Tara made me!” Both of them rise off of the bench. “So, big debate coming up tonight,” Biden brings up, as they make their way over to their wardrobe to pick out their suits. “Yep. For some reason, even after I released the virus, put a target on Bastard’s back, and called for the outright ethnic cleansing of all starfish around, my damn fool supporters are still doing far-right apologia like they do for everything I’ve done.” “And my supporters keep calling me a centrist,” Biden says. “And even your supporters call me a socialist, someone who’ll end global warming and give everyone healthcare. To which I say - FALSE! FALSE!” We then see the shadow of someone outside of a window in the back, to which we hear a very muffled “if only you were that cool,” before zooming back out to the both of them. “Wait! I just thought of an idea tomorr- I mean, right now. Yes. Anyway, Donny, how would you feel if-” “You’re bringing a bunch of 8 year olds to the debate reception? Hells to the yeah, dude.” “No, I’m saving that for election night,” Biden responds. “I thought of a way to bring your supporters over to me. All I need to do is bring you to me. “Huh?” Trump responds. “I’m already with you.”
“Yes, but I mean, I’ve got a pretty big gap in my running mate slot. My advisors were telling me to pick a woman, specifically one of color. Well… I’ve gotten away with lying before,” Biden says, jabbing at Trump. “And so have I! Well, Joey, I must say, this plan is so good that I just have to… just…” Trump says this as he tosses his robe off and the camera cuts to Biden looking directly at his privates. “Oh yes… oh fuck yes…” We then see Pence walk in on the two of them, staring with a disappointing look. “MR. PRESIDENT! MR. OTHER CANDIDATE WHO I HAVE NO IDEA IS IN HERE! No homosexual acts,” he stresses. “Sorry,” Trump and Biden both say at the same time. “That’s better. Anyway, you both have 20 minutes, put on some goddamn clothes or something.” Pence starts to walk away, but before that he takes a picture of the two while behind the corner in the hallway.
				BACK TO BIKINI BOTTOM
We see the town hall in the center of Bikini Bottom, as the police wave rides by, firing several shots and missiles. “Yee-haw, which one you fine lads voted for Trump?” We then here more cheering from the group, and then L’fuck the Lobster is following them, on a path of rage. “YEAH! MORE FIREPOWER! DEFEND THE BLUE, BRING ON FOUR MORE YEARS!” He flexes, as we see SpongeCock sneak by, with a mask on his face. “Jeez… not him again,” he says, as he goes into the town hall doors. He then looks back, signalling Fatprick inside. Fatprick sneaks by as both of them shut the door behind them. 
“Ooh, are we adding to the collection of places I’ve taken a massive shit in?” Fatprick says all giddy. “No, Fatprick. We’re coming in here to sneak out Bastard’s records.” “Records of shits?” SpongeCock facepalms, also groaning. “His records of things done since he became leader. There has to be something we can find here, anything.” Fatprick starts to get mad. “Well screw that, I’m gonna take a shit in here anyway,” he says, hightailing to the bathroom. SpongeCock starts opening some of the cabinets, running through the several files. “Police… police… police… election… more police… sex work…” SpongeCock starts to get impatient. “Oh come on, there’s gotta be SOMETHING in here that I can expose, not some bullshit that everyone already knows.” Something then catches his attention, as his eyes widen and he takes it out of the cabinet. “Hey… wait a minute,” he says, starting to open it up and really dive in there. “Oh my god!” he says, while putting the paper down. “Fatprick! Come see this!”
“Cumming!” He says, as we hear a toilet flush and him hightailing back. “Literally, I was cumming on my shit pile.” SpongeCock facepalms. “Yeah, TMI, bud. But anyway, look at this?” He says, handing Fatprick the map. “Woo, thanks! They were  out of toilet paper,” he says, while he holds it to his ass. “NO! Fatprick, don’t you see? Conch Street isn't an official Bikini Bottom property!” “Elaborate.” “Look at the map! Well, if you haven’t already covered it in shit.” SpongeCock says nonchalantly. “But don’t you see? We were illegitimately marked under Bikini Bottom control all this time, when in reality, we’ve been independent property all this time. That fascist can’t get away with this…” Fatprick nods his head, seeming as he understands. “What does independent mean again?” SpongeCock facepalms, as we hear footsteps behind this. It turns out that it’s L’fuck again. “HEY! What are you deep state communists doing here. SHELDON D. BASTARD, AS I LIVE AND BREATHE!” SpongeCock and Fatprick leap in fear, as they rush out of the building. “Yeah, that’ll show those fear mongering liberals,” L’fuck says, as he starts to flex.
We then cut to the Pinyapple, where Kraps is holding up the lunch rush. He’s seen giving a patty to Shitward, who then takes his lighter and puts it up the patty. “Next!” He yells, as SpongeCock comes up and grabs the box of patties, much to Kraps’ confusion. “BOYYO! I was holding up my end here!” SpongeCock simply nods before he brings the box into his pinyapple and pointing the rest of the line off. “EVERYBODY, OUT!” Several people in like get pissed, walking away while presumably badmouthing SpongeCock. “Mr. Kraps, Shitward! You two, come into the pinyapple. We need to discuss business.” Kraps and Shitward shoot looks at each other as they shrug and follow after him.
Kraps shuts the door, as he begins to talk. “What is it, SpongeCock? It better not be something perverted,” he says. “Now why would it be that?” He asks, somewhat confused. “You know why. You have a long history of-” “Look, no one cares,” SpongeCock calls him off. “I call you all in here because I just found something.” “Is it something perverted?” Shitward asks. “No… well, unless finding out that Conch Street isn’t part of Bikini Bottom is perverted to you.” “Well, considering you live here…” Kraps continues, before SpongeCock tells him to shut up. “That’s right. All this time, I have not lived in Bikini Bottom. So, as a result of this loophole that was quite clearly stolen from the classic Family Guy episode ‘E. Peterbus Unum,’ I declare us an independent nation. Folks, I present to you…” He says, while holding up a flag, “SpongeCockia!” Everyone looks at each other in confusion. “Uh… SpongeCockia? Couldn’t we have figured out a name together?” SpongeCock gets out of his prideful mood to answer. “No, I discovered this, so it’s under my name.” “Eh, whatever,” everybody responds. “I’ll be president, Fatprick, you can be vice president.” Fatprick then pumps his fist. “YES! SEND THE NUKES!” He says, as we then see a massive brown spot on his shorts. “Oops, excuse me,” he says. “Mr. Kraps, you can be the treasurer.” Kraps rubs his claws together. “Hehehe, all of yer money is in MY HAN- er, I mean claws,” he says. “And Shitward, Fricky, and Gory,” SpongeCock adds on, “you can be the supreme court.” Gory meows, as Shitward and Fricky are seen, coming out of sleeping, as they both say “what now?” SpongeCock has a deadpan expression. “Ugh… let’s just get started,” he says.
DEBATE TIME!
We cut to the Bikini Bottom stadium, where lights are flashing all over the place in preparation for the last debate. No one is in the crowd this time, and the only people we see are Ronnie Snickersnee and Bubble Ass. “Ladies, gentlemen, and everything in between, welcome to the final 2020 US-Bikini Bottom presidential debate!” Ronnie shouts. “I’m joined here today by fellow moderator Bubble Ass to coordinate this shitshow that can’t possibly end well. Take it away, Bubble!” Bubble Ass turns to him with an angry face at first. “I prefer you call me Ass…” He then turns to the camera. “Anyway, due to the COVID-19 pandemic, we will not have anyone in the crowd, and Ronnie and I are seated 6 feet from each other. However, that won’t stop Leader Bastard and his fascist goons from throwing hundreds of starfish together in a pool inside his basement. Remember folks, Starfish lives matter!”
“Pfft,” Trump says, as the camera pans behind the curtain of the debate room. “Radical leftists listening to the liberal fake news media. Don’t they know that discriminating creatures because of their species is great?” Biden nods. “I know, right!” he then glances down as he asks something. “What’s the plan again tonight?” “Uhh… well… you see… yeah I’m not very prepared for this,” Trump admits. “Don’t worry Donny. You can follow my lead,” Biden says with a wink as they both walk onto the stage.
“And here we have the two biggest losers of the year, one of them is gonna lose the election, and another one is gonna have 4 years of being responsible for this shitfest. Donald J. Trump and Joseph R. Biden Jr.!” Both Trump and Biden walk over to their podiums, as they each shoot winks at each other behind the debate begins. “Alright, folks, we have a lot to go over today, so let’s get this started.” Bubble Ass shuffles through his papers, as he clears his throat and asks the first question. “So, President Trump, what is your plan on immigration? Is the border wall still up and running?” “Well, Ass, it sure is,” Trump says. “There’s gonna be a wall alright. And it’s gonna be YYYYYYYYYYYYYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE,” he claims. “Allow me to respond, sir?” Biden asks, as he gets permission granted. “It is clear that my opponent is a snake and a fraud. Donald, if you keep on insisting that you’re gonna build this great, great wall, then how come there’s still squat on our southern border?” “Well, Joe, you and your liberal posse-” “FALSE! I AM NOT A MEMBER OF THE FAR-LEFT! Folks, take it from me, I WILL build a wall. No aliens allowed. And I WILL deport everybody, unlike this coward.” “Nope.” Trump responds. “Yep.” Biden says. We then see L’fuck randomly in the crowd, shocked by what he’s hearing. “WHAT! I can’t believe Trump was a fraud this entire time, it’s clear that Joe Biden will LEAD US TO ELITENESS! BIDEN 2020, BECAUSE FUCK YOUR FEELINGS!” L’fuck screams. Ronnie turns around to confront him. “Sir, we clearly specified that no one was allowed in the crowds tonight. I’m gonna have to ask you to leave.” “Pfffft, typical liberal suppression of the right wing opinion.” L’fuck says, while walking away.
				
		BACK IN BIKINI BOTTOM…. ER, I MEAN SpongeCockia 
Conch Street is shown, with a brigade of cops continuing to march all over Bikini Bottom. We see a SWAT truck full of starfish, alluding to the last episode. The chief pulls out a gun, as he aims it at the Pinyapple. “Alright, folks,” he says. “When we get Fatprick the Vandal, we will have segregated every single starfish from Bikini Bottom.” Two officers grin as they walk on the driveway. We then see SpongeCock and Fatprick burst through the door, both with guns. “Actually, officers,” SpongeCock says, while cocking his gun, “you’ve already gotten all of them. Besides, you’re trespassing SpongeCockia property.” The chief is stunned, as SpongeCock pulls up a flag. It shows him on it, making a similar face to Peter Griffin on the Petoria flag, and it shows SpongeCockia under it. 
“You son of a bitch, you discovered our dirty little secret! How did you find out?” “That’s none of your concern, boys.” The police shrug and then move along, dragging the starfish with them. SpongeCock takes off his sunglasses as he looks at the starfish. “Man, they’re violating COVID protocols just to segregate all of them, aren’t they?” He says, as Fatprick nods. “Who cares, we have a new country now.” “Fair enough,” SpongeCock says, as they entire inside. 
We see Kraps in the kitchen with a cash register, as he starts stuffing money in it. He looks towards the two of them. “Ah, President SquarePants and Vice President Star,” he greets them, continuing to file the money. “Your cash is all in good hands.” “Ah, fantastic,” SpongeCock approves. “Great to see the First National Bank of SpongeCockia thriving. Let’s just hope Bastard doesn’t try to get a loan from us,” he says, as they all laugh. SpongeCock and Fatprick then move upstairs, as they leave Kraps behind on his own. “Hehe,” he starts laughing, while continuing to file the money. “Stealing money from SpongeCock is perhaps the greatest pastime there is.”
Shitward, Fricky, and Gory are all in SpongeCock’s library, as we see Gory banging a mallet while shouting “Meow meow.” SpongeCock and Fatprick walk in. “How is our supreme court doing?” SpongeCock asks, to which Shitward replies. “We just made it illegal for Sheldon Bastard to enter SpongeCockia.” “Uh, you know I’m president, right? That was already a rule. Besides, you’re supposed to interpret law, not make it.” “SpongeCockia has a population of 6, daddy president,” Fricky replies. “Can’t we be congress as well?” SpongeCock rolls his eyes. “Fine.” “Alright, court,” Fatprick addresses, “I need you all to decide whether or not we will be having ice cream cake for dinner tonight.” Fricky and Shitward both say nay as Gory says meow while shaking his head. “Pfft,” Fatprick responds, disappointed, “Kangaroo court.” SpongeCock and Fatprick both leave the library, as SpongeCock turns to him in delight. “We did it, Fatprick buddy,” he says. “We’re thriving on our own. NOTHING can stop us now!” Fatprick then thinks for a second, thinking up a suggestion. “I know! What if we made our land bigger?” “Are you suggesting we annex some part of Bikini Bottom?” “Yes.” SpongeCock shakes his head for a second, as if he was gonna disagree, before getting a smile. “That sounds fucking badass, let’s do it.”
					AT THE CUM BUCKET
We see Sheldon Bastard and ComputerBitch 5000 in their room together, as they both toss and turn over each other in their bed. “Oh yeah, baby, give me those glistening computer ju- oh nevermind,” Sheldon quickly retracts, “just let me give it to you.” We see Polfgecks652 stroll in, trying to warn Bastard. “Sir…” Bastard and ComputerBitch quickly hop up, realizing they’ve been caught. “WE WEREN’T-” “Yes you were,” Polfgecks652 accuses them. “Quite disgraceful, really. Sex is despicable unless it’s with frut,” he clarifies as Bastard and ComputerBitch get out of bed to see what’s going on. “What is it?” “You know how we were keeping that secret that Conch Street wasn’t actually part of Bikini Bottom, just so we could torment more people?” Bastard giggles. “Yeah, totally. Fun, isn’t it?” “Why yes, yes it is,” Polfgecks agrees. “But unfortunately that’s not a secret anymore, and now they’ve broken free.” Bastard spits out a mouthful of computer acid from the encounter he just had. “WHAT?!” Polfgecks projects SpongeCockia on his screen, as well as the flag. “Take a look for yourself.” Bastard watches, as he sees a fence-guarded Conch Street, and SpongeCock with a Presidential sash on him.
“I knew we had to raise the police budget!” Bastard says. “Or else shit like this happens!” ComputerBitch tries to butt in. “Um, you did raise the budget, and all they’ve been doing is riding around town while flexing their new weapons,” she says, as the cops are seen out the window driving by once again. “Yeah. Awesome, isn’t it?” ComputerBitch says “oh, brother,” as she gets back in bed. “Well, Polfgecks, you know what we need to do right now?” “Call up Biden and Trump and sell a shitton of weapons to Israel, helping them kill Palestinians? You know, if we aid them, that means we condemn them,” Polfgecks suggests. “That sounds like fun! But nah, we have to annex SpongeCockia.” Polfgecks seems excited. “NOW we’re talking, doing something that’s both fascist and fun.” “Well, that’s the problem,” Sheldon says, walking up the window. “If we do it unprompted, then everyone will know that it’s fascist. We need them to strike first so we get looked at as the good guys.” Polfgecks follows him to the window, as he does a scan. “We’re in luck, then,” he says, while projecting something else on his screen.
It turns out that it’s SpongeCock and Fatprick putting down signs all around the land in front of Conch Street, showing that they are annexing part of Bikini Bottom. They then pull out guns, seeming to be defending the property. Bastard gets a quick evil grin on his face, as he pulls out a few weapons. “They’ve made a big mistake,” he says, while going downstairs to alert the police.
				AT THE DEBATE
We cut back to the debate in a spot where both Biden and Trump are shouting a bunch of gibberish over each other. This later escalates until they both keep repeating “DUTDUTDUTDUTDUTDUTDUTDUT!” Ronnie then grabs two elongated pairs of pliers and stretches them out, to the point where both candidates are being silenced. “Yeah, that’s right, reenacting scenes from the show, socially distant style,” he says, with a smirk, as he quickly becomes serious. “Now I’m gonna let go of your lips. And when I do, I want you to calmly tell me what you’s need to tell me. Understand?” Both Biden and Trump nod as Ronnie releases the pliers, causing both of their mouths to fall limp as they glance at each other. “DUTDUTDUTDUTDUTDUTDUTDUT!” “OKAY!” Bubble Ass intervenes. “Anymore of this and I’m turning this into superhero erotica. So, can we please hear your concluding statements. President Trump, you’re up first.” Trump clears his throat, as an officially licensed Life in Bikini Bottom dildo comes out of his mouth. “Well first of all, for only $42.69, that sure is a premium dildo. But anywho, I’ll keep America and Bikini Bottom great!” “No you won’t, you didn’t even follow your original motto of making it great,” Biden interrupts. “What is that supposed to mean, you sneaky centrist?” “If anything, YOU’RE the centrist. You met half way on all of your campaign promises. You really need to further yourself, make America and Bikini Bottom GREAT. And by that I mean the vision of good ol’ vision of Polfgecks652, only productivity and fucking fruit. If you don’t, you get the firing squad.” We see Bubble Ass and Ronnie Snickersnee glance at each other, giving a deadpan expression.”
“WOW!” Bastard is seen, watching the debate on his monitor. “Maybe I was wrong, Joey really resonates with me!” “AND ME!” Polfgecks says, coming in while sticking his robotic member into a juicy grapefruit. Back at the stage, Ronnie concludes the debate. “Well, that was either the most hysterical or most disgusting debate I’ve ever seen, can’t decide which, but I’m glad it’s over. Next time - or should I say next episode - ELECTION DAY!” We cut to Biden and Trump walking off the stage, as they both walk off with smiles on their faces. “Gee, I hope we did enough,” Biden says, as Trump nods. “Don’t worry. This place is either fascist bootlickers or radical marxists, and they’re just gonna write in themselves probably. No way we can fail now.” Trump says, as they shake hands.
				AT SPONGECOCKIA
SpongeCock is seen in his bedroom, about to go to sleep, as Gory is on his stack of newspapers as usual. “Well, Gory, that was an excellent first day as the president of SpongeCockia,” he says, as he pulls up his covers. “Meow,” Gory says, as he falls asleep. “We then see Fatprick bursting through the door, seeming like he’s in a hurry. “President SquarePants sir, we have a dilemma!” “What is it, Mr. Vice President?” “Alright, so I was rummaging through the ice cream cakes, about to eat them straight off the toilet.” SpongeCock cuts him off right there. “Let me guess, you ran out of toilet paper?” “No… although we could use some more, but that’s beside the point! You may wanna look outside, because goddamn, this scared me into taking a 30 pound monster in there!” SpongeCock gets out of bed and looks outside, as his jaw drops to the floor. “Holy. Goddamn. Shit.”
Outside, the entire Bikini Bottom police is occupying Fatprick’s rock, as the fence on that side has been knocked off. The land they had annexed earlier has also been reclaimed by them, as we see several tanks blowing holes in the ground. “Oh my god… they’re trespassing our land!” However, this isn’t all, as we now see Sheldon Bastard rising above the infiltration in a mini-cruiser. “Yeah, that’s right, SpongeCockians. Don’t think you can play with fire, without getting it back!” SpongeCock moves away from the window for a second, turning back to Fatprick. “Of course that fascist Bastard is revealing his true colors! Now how are we supposed to thrive? We need to find a way around this, and fast!” Fatprick, who at first is about to go back to the toilet, stops himself as he turns back to SpongeCock. “You know… we’re gonna need some help. And I know just where to get it from. But for now, we gotta hold them off!” SpongeCock has a deadpan expression. “Fatprick, we’re a six-man army and they have a billionaire police force. How can we possibly hold them over?” “You know how deadly my ice cream cake shits are. Just remember, you’re the president, all you have to do is order the nukes and I’ve got you covered.” SpongeCock just gets back into bed, ignoring him. “Whatever, I’m just going back to bed, I can’t be bothered to deal with this bullshit right now,” he says, with Fatprick shrugging, ending the episode.
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