Q01E03 - Draco's Sex Playlist

The hosts split a two chapter fiction into 3 episodes of the podcast for this quickie, so this episode covers the last segment of chapter 2. Chapter 2 of "Luke the Magician" by FatesFire is available here. This episode also marks the official introduction of the Wands Up or Down segment. This episode does not yet have the Wands Up or Down song though.
The hosts play a brief sample of "Magic Stick" by Lil Kim, which was featured in Chapter 1. Give kudos to the author on their choice of musical accompaniment.
Season 2 spoiler: Nipple dancing, Love Potion (manipulative, but consensual.)
This was read live on Facebook and can be viewed here.
== Episode Summary ==
Draco's face may be angelic, but he's a demon in the sack. Draco isn't the only one with moves though.
== Notable Moments ==
*Allie 90's reference alert: Beanie Babies (AKA Allie's college fund...whoops)
*Lyndsay would be the BEST. BOSS. EVER! (i.e. would let her employees listen to erotica at work with no qualms.)
*Lyndsay introduces 3 new fake intros to the podcast that she makes Allie and Danny cold read with her.
**Danny = Wang Gretzky ("You miss 100% of the money shots that you don't make!"), Jackoff Nicholson ("Heeeeeeere's my Johnny!"), and Semen Spielberg ("E.T. Sext home")
**Lyndsay proposes a call-out for listeners to submit their own intros
*Hosts were turned down by Naturebox despite having the "hungriest box they've ever seen"
**If you want your sex to be as dry as your snacks, visit Naturebox!
*"Fireboy", the other male stripper's name needs work.
*Hermione's horny, so all their troubled history is "NBD" (no big deal)
*Gasping Lyndsay
*Hermione fawns over Draco's angelic face, but might just be trying to talk herself into it.
*Danny has been practicing his stripper moves all week; stay tuned! (just kidding)
*Lyndsay doesn't need a running commentary during foreplay.
*Allie's Snape impersonation makes a reappearance.
*Wands up from Lyndsay and Allie: Draco putting Hermione's bound hands over his shoulders to the back of his neck.
*"He wanted to make sure she wouldn't pull away? Her wrists are bound, you psychopath." ~ Lyndsay
*Breakfast nook(ie)
*Lyndsay wonders about the rules/etiquette of apparition and whether consent is required.
*"Butterfly clips? 1997 called." ~ Lyndsaythumb|330x330px|Closer by Nine Inch Nails is a perfect addition to Draco's Sex playlist. May contain the key to the perfect sex rhythm.
*Arrested Development reference to Gob trying to figure out if Kitty is attractive (Draco taking out clips, messing her hair, etc. in different combinations).
*Nicholas Sparks moments are a "wands way up" for Allie, and a "wands down" for Lyndsay.
*(D:) No Alexa! Play the SEX CD! (L in mechanical voice:) Playing Workout pump-up jams
*Allie sings the entire chorus of Closer by Nine Inch Nails, but then can't remember the name of the song or the artist.
*Draco captures Hermione's nipples ("Gotta catch em all, Draco!" ~ Lyndsay)
*Is Draco more enamoured with her body...or her dress?
*Hermione's bush: perfect triangle shape
*"Mine's shaped like the elder wand; really skinny, with 4 hairs in a row." ~ Allie
*Lyndsay renames the "landing strip" shape for pubic hair "the Elder Wand"™
*Allie and Lyndsay call bullshit on Draco making Hermione writhe within seconds.
*"I call this, the 'flick and swish' move" ~ Danny
*PSA to all men: If any woman orgasms within 5 seconds, she is faking it.
*Allie doesn't want to read aloud about "precum". Lyndsay encourages her with a GIRLS NIGHT!
*"Not that we've been doing this that long, but it has taken us 12 readings to see A BED in the Potterotica Podcast" ~ Danny
*"She said 'please'; that's not demanding." ~ Lyndsay
*Preview for season 2: Much like Diagon Alley, Draco needs to tab Hermione's genitals in particular places/order to gain entry.
*Straight from sex to death. The lack of contraceptive spells leads Lyndsay to wonder how wizards die and whether they can get STIs. Danny assuages her concerns by saying they never die, they just go upstate to a farm.
*Allie hits her limit at the "c" word. "Precum" was one thing, but this is a "family" podcast.
*Thestral style: Leaning forward with your butt high in the air.
*"I get that it's erotica, but don't they have issues they need to work through?" ~ Danny
== Wands Up or Down? ==
Allie:
* Up
** especially the part with her bound hands around his neck
Lyndsay:
* Hoftie
** Down: They didn't work through their issues
** Up: breakfast nook(ie) and Draco controlling his sex playlist with magic
Danny:
* Down
** Unresolved school antagonism
Category:Episodes
Category:Quickie 1
Category:1 Wand Up
Category:2017
Category:Reader: Allie
Category:Quickies and Specials
Category:Quickies
Category:Facebook Live
Category:Allie: Up
Category:Lyndsay: Hoftie
Category:Danny: Down