An Awesome Tragedy - Part 1

"An Awesome Tragedy - Part 1" is an episode of Mr. Character's Awesome House. In this episode, Mr. Character comes home to find out his house has been burned down!
==Transcript==
Mr. Character and his friends are not role models. They're not even human. They're cartoons. Some of the things they do would cause a person to get hurt, expelled, arrested, possibly deported. To put it another way: don't try this at home.
(theme song)
It seems today
That all you see
Is Meme World Movies
And Spongbob stories
But where are those good old fashioned values?
On which we used to rely
LUCKY THERE'S AN AWESOME HOUSE
LUCKY THERE'S A CHARACTER WHO
POSITIVELY CAN DO
ALL THE THINGS THAT MAKE US
Effin' cry
HE
IS
MR.
CHARACTER
(Mr. Character is sat on the couch with Patrick and SpongeBob (who also live at the awesome house at this point in the series))
Narrator: Mr. Character's Awesome House is filmed by an underpaid camera crew.
SpongeBob: Hey Mr. Character, do you remember that time when I moved into this house?
Mr. Character: Hmm…
(flashback from “An Awesome Sponge”: SpongeBob meets Mr. Character)
Mr. Character: What are you doing here? You don’t live in this part of Bikini Bottom.
SpongeBob: Yeah, um, about that. My pineapple got repossessed.
Mr. Character: Well you can come stay with me at my awesome house™. Though I must warn you, there is some controversy about my awesome house… I just made that up, there is none.
(end of flashback)
Patrick: Hey wait, that’s weird.
SpongeBob: What?
Patrick: Well I also moved here because my house got repossessed.
(flashback from “An Awesome Starfish”: Patrick rings the doorbell to Mr. Character’s Awesome House, Mr. Character answers)
Mr. Character: Patrick! It’s been so long!
Patrick: What do you mean? I saw you this morning.
Mr. Character: Oh right, anyway why are you here?
Patrick: I forgot to pay my taxes and the IRS took my rock away and now I have to escape to a new life and I need your help to do that.
Mr. Character: You can stay with us!
(end of flashback)
SpongeBob: Oh that is weird.
Mr. Character: Not as weird as when an alien came to live here.
SpongeBob: You can stop now.
Patrick: We sure have had a lot of great memories at this awesome house™.
Mr. Character: Yeah it would be a shame if this house were to burn down or something. Thank god that is not going to happen. (SpongeBob and Patrick stare blankly at him) What? (Mrs. Character enters)
Mrs. Character: Hey, Mr. Character-
Mr. Character: Hold on before you say anything, we’ve been together for a while now right?
Mrs. Character: Yes.
Mr. Character: So it’s OK for us to call each other by our first names right?
Mrs. Character: Do you know my name?
Mr. Character: Uhh…
Mrs. Character: Do you even know your own name?
Mr. Character: ...good point. Please continue.
Mrs. Character: Don’t you have that thing to go to?
Mr. Character: Oh yeah, what is it again?
Mrs. Character: ...I don't remember.
Mr. Character: Well I guess I'll go find out…
(cuts to Mr. Character on a stage riding a motorcycle in circles as a crowd cheers)
Man: This is a spelling bee.
Mr. Character: Oh it is? (he realizes the crowd are school kids) Oh…
(back at the awesome house Patrick is using the computer)
Patrick: Ooh, “click here for free Among Us GIFs.” (clicks) “Enter your credit card details” what could possibly go wrong? (he enters his details and the computer suddenly ends up in flames) Oh shit! Oh (censor bleep)! Oh god! Oh no no no no no no! (he runs down to the kitchen to grab a water bottle)
(SpongeBob is watching sea anemone dancing on TV in his bedroom)
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: GARY! (he changes the channel)
Voice from the TV: You’re watching The Sex Show, with sex, sex, and more sex.
SpongeBob: NO! NO! NO! NO! Forget it. (he turns the TV off, he then smells something) What’s that smell? (he walks into Patrick’s room) WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE?! (Patrick runs in)
Patrick: Don’t worry SpongeBob, I’ve got it! (he squirts water from the water bottle onto the fire, the fire then gets bigger) I have not got it. (censor bleep) (censor bleep) (censor bleep)!
SpongeBob: WHAT IN TARNATION DID YOU DO?!
Patrick: I was just downloading GIFs and this happened, I don’t know what I did wrong. (his phone goes off and he checks it) Now someone’s using my credit card to buy Hello Kitty merchandise.
SpongeBob: Why don’t you just call for help?
Patrick: What- oh yeah yeah! (dials a number) Hi, is this Pizza Castle?
SpongeBob: Are you (censor bleep)ing kidding me?
Patrick: Can you send some pizzas here? If it makes delivery quicker you can leave them uncooked, uh we have a heat source here. (SpongeBob snatches the phone out of his hand)
SpongeBob: THERE’S A (censor bleep)ING FIRE HERE! (he angrily throws the phone into the fire making it even worse) OH-!
(Mrs. Character is walking up to the house and she can see the fire)
Mrs. Character: Oh great.
(back in the room)
Patrick: Dude, Mrs. Character is coming, quick let's hide the fire.
SpongeBob: How?!
Patrick: I don't know, just think of something. She's coming up the stairs!
SpongeBob: Uhh…
Patrick: Come on SpongeBob! (SpongeBob inhales all of the flames and tries to keep them all in his mouth, he turns bright red with smoke coming out of his pores)
Mrs. Character: What’s going on?
Patrick: Uhh nothing…
Mrs. Character: Patrick I could see the fire from outside the house. (the fire comes out of SpongeBob’s mouth, the whole house explodes and SpongeBob, Patrick, and Mrs. Character are thrown out of the house)
Patrick: Ow.
Mrs. Character: What did you do?!
SpongeBob: Patrick was downloading Among Us gifs and then the computer caught on fire and now the whole house is burning down.
Mrs. Character: Well why didn’t you just use a (censor bleep)ing fire extinguisher?
Patrick: Ohh…
Mrs. Character: I am calling the fire department but when Mr. Character comes back you two are (censor bleep)ed.
Patrick: Oh no…
SpongeBob: Patrick, don't even think about that.
(at the fire station)
Fireman: Chief, the Bikini Bottom High School is on fire!
Chief: That doesn’t sound so bad.
Fireman: Mr. Character’s Awesome House is also on fire!
Chief: NO!
(the fire engine drives down the road, driving right past the school where a bunch of kids can be heard screaming)
(the fire engine drives up to the awesome house, the chief leaves the vehicle
Chief: What the hell happened here?
Patrick: Among Us.
Chief: Oh OK, understandable.
(the scene cuts to a few hours later)
Chief: (to Mrs. Character) OK we’ve dealt with the blaze.
Mrs. Character: Oh I’m sure you’ve done a good job. (she looks at the house, which is completely burned) Oh God.
SpongeBob: Do you think Mr. Character will notice that his house has burned down when he gets back?
Patrick: I mean he’s not that smart, he hasn’t found out about Prince Philip’s death yet.
Mrs. Character: Well I guess it’s time to find out.
SpongeBob: What do you mean? (Mr. Character is driving up to the house with his motorbike) Oh. Alright here’s the plan, Mrs. Character, you go distract him and maybe he’ll forget about the house like he forgot about his kid.
(Mr. Character parks his bike and Mrs. Character walks up to him)
Mrs. Character: Hey, how was your thing?
Mr. Character: Well it was actually a spelling bee.
Mrs. Character: Did you do well?
Mr. Character: No, but I did become the leader of a criminal gang. I haven't felt that powerful since I got to decide which ant lives and which ant dies.
(silly gag I stole from Family Guy)
Mr. Character: You shall battle to the death, and the winner will be given his freedom! Why are you looking at me like that?
Mrs. Character: Mr. Character, would you like a glass of- (sees a decapitated Mr. Character) OH MY GOD! I TOLD YOU NOT TO PLAY GOD WITH THOSE ANTS!
(end of silly gag I stole from Family Guy)
Mr. Character: Welp, time to enter my awesome house. (SpongeBob and Patrick look at Mrs. Character, terrified)
(Mr. Character tries to open the door to his house not noticing it’s no longer there)
Mr. Character: Hmm… HOLY SMOKES!
SpongeBob: Here it comes.
Mr. Character: (checking his phone) BIDENCORD GOT DELETED!
.
SpongeBob: Phew.
(Mr. Character tries to sit in his chair but his chair is no longer there and he falls on his butt)
Mr. Character: (realizes that his house has burned down) ...WHAT HAPPENED TO THE HOUSE?!
Patrick: Is it really that noticeable?
Narrator: What will Mr. Character do now that his house has burned down? Don’t forget to catch part 2 of An Awesome Tragedy tomorrow at 8 PM on mXD.
(generic sitcom sting as the credits start to roll)
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