Kill Gil, Volumes I & II/Quotes

:Homer: Why did you let that loser into our home?
:Marge: I'll tell you why: Christian charity.
:Homer: Christian Charity? What does a porn star have to do with this?
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:Homer: Marge, admit it. You just can't say no to anyone. That's why you have three kids.
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:Marge: I'm so sick of Gil, he ruins my Thanksgiving, uses my leg razor to peel his carrots.
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:(The Simpsons family minus Maggie go off to a building to confront Gil)
:Homer: Now remember, Marge, we're not buying anything for more than 1.2, but if I scratch my nose, that means we can go to 1.5.
:Gil: People, remember, you're selling dreams! When a family owns a home, it means they own a piece of America. And what matters most isn't the commission you make, it's the smiles on their faces when they know they own that land free and clear.
:Economiser #1: He's the best I've ever seen. 
:Economiser #2: He's talking at a Century 22 level. 
:Marge: Gil, remember me?
:Gil: Marge Simpson? What are you doing here? Lookin' for a home on a quiet cul-de-sac, where your neighbor could be Tanya Tucker? 
:(Homer starts scratching his nose)
:Marge: Listen, bub. I have something to say to you, and it can't wait.
:Gil: Oh, well, looks like we got a Backout Bettyon our hands. But watch ol' Gil take her from furious to curious. Now, ma'am, you say you can't wait, and you're right. With interest rates climbing and choice properties in the Kingsbridge School District drying up... 
:(Homer scratches his nose so hard that smoke starts to rise from it.)
:Marge: The only house I'm interested in is my own, which you defiled for 11 hellish months. But now I've learned to say "no!" No to your mooching! No to your manipulation! And a big fat no to the Kingsbridge School District!
:Gil: Aw, come on, you can't say no to ol' Gil.
:Marge: (loudly) NO!
:(The economisers see him cowardly on the floor)
:Economiser #1: Why, he's as pathetic as we are. (Economisers are laughing)
:Gil's Boss: Gunderson! I put you in charge of this office because I thought you could tame this town. You're fired! 
:Economiser #5: Here's a box for your stuff.
:Gil: I can't live in this!
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:(Gil is eating chocolates from a heart-shaped box)
:Gil: Hey Homer, it's Valentine's Day, what are you getting the missus?
:Homer: (angrily) A heart-shaped box of chocolates!
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:Homer: (twisting the Grumple's leg) Give back that holiday cheer, you bastard!
:The Grumple: Never!
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:Moe: What's the matter, Homer? Do you still miss the UPN?
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:Gil: Hey, who wants some eggs a la Harold Stassen? (silence; the kids cannot understand the joke) They're always running!
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:Krusty on Ice Dancers: (singing) Laugh along with Christ and Krusty, ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha! We got hired 'cause we are busty, ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha!
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:Mr. Costington: Gil! March your fake bootfronts over here!
:Gil Gunderson: Oh, uh, uh, Mr. Costington! Sir, I'm glad I have this chance to talk to you. I've been on the payroll here since May, and I'd really like to start working in Ladies Shoes. Not literally, of course. I... I couldn't walk very fast, though I'd learn if that's what it takes.
:Mr. Costington: Never mind that now! Did you sell the Malibu Stacy set I put aside?
:Gil: (stammers) That was for you?
:Mr. Costington: It was for my daughter! You nitwit!
:Melina Costington: I want my dolly! You nitwit!
:Mr. Costington: Now get back that toy.
:Gil: Gee, I'm sorry, sir. Taking back that doll would break a little girl's heart on Christmas Eve. I made a lot of mistakes in my life, but I would never do that.
:Mr. Costington: Well, then, you're... fired!
es:Kill Gil, Volumes I & II/Frases
Category:Episode Quotes