My Stoner Thoughts Archived

Monday, January 5, 2009
It feels like cold pools of air in the back of my throat, but that's just air.
It feels like I have earphones on but that's just my ears. Oh.
Dude, I fucking found a Dr. Pepper can but it's like fucking empty, dude. That's fucking hilarious. Why do I keep saying fucking? That sounds like ducking? Do ducks fuck? I think they do. Who cares? Wait... What was I talking about? Something about something being empty? An empty duck or something. Oh well fuck it. Hahaha.
Kewl is a kewl word. It's all kewwwwl kewl and cool. Ooops, I said cool instead of kewl. Hooooly motherfucking shit.
I'm gonna smoke me a cigarette. Haha lapsed into my Tennessee way of talking. Gonna smoke me a cigarette. That's bad grammar, man. That's just bad grammar. WHO FUCKING CARES? That's exactly right. Hahaha.
Brown is a weird color and it's a weird word. Just wanted to note that. BEE-ROWN. Don't wanna bee-rown the bush, buddy.
I wonder, do rocks have thoughts? Are those rocky thoughts? Or are they like dumb as a boulder? Hehe. Are rocks alive, man? Do they eat and sleep and bang and all that stuff? I dunno. Sometimes I wonder, man. Like... now.
Dude, how is there a new song on? One time like a minute ago there was one song and it was playing like a song should play and then here's another song on. And it's playing. And I like it. But why is it on? I don't remember switching it so it shouldn't be on. I'm freaked out, man! This is scary!
You guys should fucking watch that movie Pineapple Express. That is a good fucking movie. Watch it!
N is a cool letter. It's my favorite fuckin' letter ever, dude. I dunno why. It actually probably isn't my favorite letter, but it's still a cool dude. I'd hang out with N any day man. He's a cool motherfucker, dude. Is he a real guy? I wanna hang out with that dude, dude. Wait, is it a girl, though? Hmm... Nah it's gotta be a fuckin' dude, man.
Dude, I just realized I'm cold. I think it's cause I'm only in my boxers. I forgot where the heater is, though so... I'm fucked, man. Oh, I found some pants. They were laying beside me: I just didn't recognize them because they were disguised as ... something other than pants!
Pot smoke tastes like fire when you're high but cigarette smoke is cold and tastes like chalk, at least full flavor tastes like chalk. Menthol is icy. I think people can hear my heart beating. I don't like that. Everything's so quiet. I mean, except for the loud blaring music but everything else is fucking silent as the grave. Totally. Hahaha.
My stomach feels empty but it's full. Lalala, why?
OH SHIT, my blanket's on fire. No wait, that was just a few sparks from my cigarette. Sorry. It looked like it was frigging burning, I swear...
The Camel Crush is the best fucking invention known to man. It starts out as a full flavor cigarette and when you're ready, you squeeze the butt end of it, the one you suck on to get the smoke, and it like turns into menthol when you pop the ball inside there full of mentholy liquidy stuff. And it's like fucking magic man.
I just wanna go outside and dance in the rain because it's raining right now. But like there's cops and stuff around and they might chase me and stuff and catch me and I'd be like 'Yo wassup, homie' and they'd arrest me cause I'm a stoner. Heeheehee.
When you breathe out and no air is in your body, your heart doesn't beat anymore until you inhale again a second later.I'm
Sunday, February 8, 2009
I just smoked some hydroponic chronic, bitches. Best shit you can find in Tennessee. This is kill, man. Got half a joint's worth of that shit still left.
Brett said one time, some gay guys thought he and Brian Herren were gayer than the gay guys themselves. Brett said he was out on a jetski with Brian one day and they were riding around and stuff, with Brett on the back and Brian driving but there was a big storm and they had to shelter in a camper until the storm ended. While they were in the camper, the only song on the radio was 'Hold Me Closer Tiny Dancer' by Elton John, according to them Elton John is the gayest singer ever -- literally. They were driving back to the pier or whatever and Brett said that the song was stuck in his head. Brian suggested they sing it, because if you 'sing a song, it gets out of your head'. They were heading toward the pier and singing and two gay guys were there on their jetskis and one was like, 'Aw, that's so cute. They ride on the same jet ski. We USED TO DO THAT!" Brett and Brian are both completely straight, however. That's what is so funny.
Friday, April 17, 2009
I just spent about five minutes piecing together today's date. I remembered that it was Friday because it's the day before paintball. I remembered that it was April 17 because it's the day before my birthday. I remembered it was 2009 because any idiot can remember that, even me. Hahaha.
Anyways, what's with cosmic waste? I'm tired of its cosmically incorrect statements about cosmically correct people's cosmically urantical beliefs. Seriously. Like, no joke.
Oh man, somebody lit some firecrackers outside and yo nigga right here was like 'Oh shit, bitch, it's Vietnam. Get down, duuuude!" and dived to the floor. "It's gooks in the wire!" I yelled. And then I remembered that I was stoned and Mom was sleeping in the next room and I yelled, "Just practicing my Vietnam ghetto veteran impression!"
Oops, forgot that I've gotta smoke the rest of that bowl. I'll be right back. If I somehow remember I'm supposed to be back, that is.
Oh shit, they done lit them fireworks again, Pa.
Come on, dude, come on, dude.
You talk so much shit, your face should be wearing a diaper.
Tomorrow's my BIRTHDAY, bitches. I'm like, gonna be seventeen. Seventeen candles and all that. Except I won't have a birthday cake. I'm outtacake.
You gotta be mystically enhanced to grab up all your pants, you've gotta be bronze and metal-plated, lalala, you've gotta be cooler than a street-wise alley cat, you've gotta be strong and you're fast, then bring it all together, and you've grabbed up all your pants! That's how you clean the room or at least how you pick up all of your pants. Singing a stoner jingle like that WHILE you're stoned and cleaning your room will... make the time fly.
Pick up all them there Powerades, throw 'em in the fuckin' trash bag, bring me that putty knife, and go grab me a fucking washrag! Watch out for that ladder, don't trip on that hammer, just go get me that fucking washrag you dumb motherfucking bitch! Bert, what the fuck are you lookin' at? Get back to work, you fuckin' midget! Stop texting your other girlfriend! (My imitation of John at work. I think it's pretty good.)
Me and Brett paired up during a paintball match, imitation:
Me: I can't fucking see anybody. Where are they?
Brett: I don't fucking know. Poke your small fuckin' head on that skinny fuckin' neck up and maybe take a look around. That might help!
Me: I still can't see anybody, man! I've got splatter all over my facemask... and/or visor.
Brett: You fucking idiot retarded salmon retard! Use your eyes in a sweeping motion!
Me: You want me to take off my mask, dude?
Brett: No, you fucking idiot. Wipe the mask off!
Me: Oh. Well... cover me.
Brett: FUCK! I'm hit. I'm out. You're on your own, dick.
Me: Awesome!
Next stuff
Dude, weed smells like cat piss. That's what my mom says.
I just had the strangest urge to lick that lit candle. I think I need to go to sleep. But I won't. Lick the candle, I mean. I won't lick the candle. Or go to sleep.
Oh shit, it's warm in here though. The heat's on like 75. Niiiiice. Toasty.
My breath smells like beef stew but I didn't eat beef stew today. What the fuck? Maybe your breath always smells like the food you're gonna eat tomorrow.
Music is the greatest gift you can give to a stoner.
I'm gonna smoke another bowl.
I am done now.
My head hurts.
I'm gonna take a shower.
Sleep.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
My birthday, bitches!
Alexandro Callibrassis. I'll remember what that means later. Probably. Maybe. Nah, I won't.
Actually, I do have a birthday cake. Dohavecake.
I'm going out to smoke. A menthol. What's that you said? Didn't I quit, you say? Oh well, yeah, of course, you fucking asshole. But I'm high. I don't HAVE to worry about my lungs and/or active cancer cells. Fuck you, dipshit nosy hairlip asshole.
Isn't it kind of awkward when you encounter someone named after a fictional Bible character? Like 'pass the joint, Goliath' or 'what's up, Moses?' And the Mexicans even have their own version: Jesus. They're the only ones cruel enough to curse someone with that hilarious and miserably bully-worthy name.
Sometimes I wish I had been born somewhere farther up north.
If it's not Canadia, why are they called Canadians?
I'm studying the local population of ancient Neandertals. Yes, quite an audicious endeavor. Exhibit A - my next-door neighbors. Exhibit B - my mom's boyfriend and his brother. Exhibit C: my cousin Ashley.
Time never wastes. It just passes by.
Oh shit, cop.
He left. He kinda looked like Barney Fife. Eh, fuck the police, fuck the police, fuck 'em.
Oh yeah, forgot. Exhibit D: the blacks and Mexicans currently inhabiting Crack Alley all around my apartment. Bastards.
Holy crap. This Gatorade is delicious. Imbibing nectar.
I'm gonna listen to music now.
Hmmm, ran out of listentosongs ability.
May 6, 2009
Dude, totally.
Sex and candy.
Philanthropise that, bitch.
It's really sunny outside.
Wow, in exactly six days it's gonna be my little brother's birthday. Cool beans, dude.
Ineptitude is failure to be good at something. So basically, if you're inept then you're a loser, dude.
My stomach is growling. It's mean. Rawr.
I found a lighter. And rolling papers. They were in that one drawer that I never notice.
I think I might puke. Wait, I didn't.
I'm mildly certain that there are no crocodiles in Germany.
Nebraska rocks. I have various reasons for stating that fact. There's not just the corn that's grown good there. If you catch my drift.
You cannot be a friend to someone who constantly denies their interest in you as a person.
Never give up your own hopes and desires for someone unless you're sure that they'll do the same for you when the time comes.
It's weird: when a guy sees a chick with a cute ass go by, he just has to look at it and lust after that ass if it's attractive to him and grimace over it if it's unattractive to him. The ass has nothing overly necessary to the human sexual process, but somehow it turns on men. I know it turns me on if I see a cute ass.
It's awesome laying on your back on the ground at night out where the sky is easily visible and clear. It's like staring out into the wild blue yonder, peaceful as can be.
I am currently in a state of complete apathy.
As far as I'm concerned, it's a work in progress.
May 8, 2009
Doesn't it suck when you've had too much of a good thing?
You can't hold your breath while you're stoned. You just can't.
At work, I accidentally reached into an open outlet because I was stoned and I got shocked. It didn't hurt, because I was stoned. I just felt a sudden tug of my entire body and I was forced to turn and look directly at my finger, stuck to the outlet and a weird energy was coursing through my upper arm from my hand. I was like 'Coool!' and let go finally.
I always look away when I get a shot from the doctor. I can never watch. Most people watch, I think. But I hate doctors because I had cancer when I was little.
It's weird to imagine something from my cat Soxx's point of view. Like, me making coffee while he watches. He's probably thinking like, "Dude, what's with pouring that water into the thing. You're supposed to drink water, you idiot. Wait, what's that brown stuff in the bowl? Oh shit, it's boiling the water and stuff together somehow!'
The most memorable birthday party I ever attended was Uncle Earl's birthday party in 2008. We held it at a bar that Earl's son Andy was manager of and we just sat around and ate cake and played pool and bullshitted. Damn, Tristen wasn't even born at that time.
I remember my first bike. I was so worried and it was such a big piece of complicated, impossibly confusing machinery to my seven-year-old mind. Steve Hamlet -- my mom's boyfriend -- pushed me three times on it and let go each time; I crashed all three times. The fouth one, I got going myself and then VROOM I was flying, man. Best feeling in the world. Free.
I only became a realist after the whole Ayla debacle. Now, I take things realistically and not stupidly or romantically. All thoughts of the world being perfect are long gone now. That's a good thing, too.
I remember when I was little (maybe eight or nine), Mom had somehow let ants swarm into a carton of chocolate milk, that she had just now bought from the grocery store and set in the refrigerator. Literally moments after Mom had set the carton of chocolate milk into the fridge, me and my older brother Wayne came rushing in and grabbed up the milk. Of course, in our haste, we failed to notice the few stray ants on the carton and certainly not the seventy or eighty inside the murky milk. Wayne took the first drink, and didn't seem to notice anything out of place. I took a longer drink and felt stuff moving around in my mouth. I spat in my hand and saw. We ran screaming and washed our mouths out with soap. Mom thought it was amusing, of course.
The best thing about being seventeen is the fact that I'm growing up and I can experience things more easily than some older people. The worst thing is that I'm in between being treated as an adult and a teenager.
I remember having to go to church. Umcomfortably tight dress pants, uncomfortably tight dress shirt, uncomfortably tight loafer shoes, uncomfortably uptight church people surrounding me on all sides. From age one to seven, I was forced to endure that torture. When the new movie Titanic came out, I went to church solely for the purpose of getting that movie because my mom told me if I behaved in church then I could get the movie. It wasn't worth it.
May 9, 2009
The accomplishment that I am proudest of is my ability to play Rock Band. Yes, it's a video game but I'm good at it, god-damn it, and sometimes it shocks people that my fingers can move so fast. Ironically, I can't play real guitar.
I like cheesy bacon.
Dr. Pepper is so cold in your throat.
Oh, I thought I just heard Mila Kunis's voice, but it was some chick on Law and Order on TV.
I am so high.
Oh shit nigga I burned my carpet. And my finger.
Just burped. Burping's fun. Burp gun.
I say oh a lot. Oh so oh, eh?
I wanna go to the dentist. My tooth hurts.
I tried to burp again, but my lung hurts too much from my very recent inhalation of an illegal psychoactive drug.
It's wearing off. Oh. Wait. Nope. That was just me yawning.
Gawking. That's a funny word.
Ah, these are the years of my life.
John says I have an addictive personality. Pfft, bullshit. Just because I'm still addicted to cigarettes and pot and any form of alcohol doesn't mean I have an addictive personality. It just means I used to be smart, but now I don't have enough brain cells left to stop doing drugs and drinking.
My left shoulder is numb. The skin feels loose. Oh, that's because I was leaning that way. And I'm stoned.
Yeah, now it's wearing off.
May 15, 2009
Ow, my rib got cracked when I boxed Joey.
I'm gonna have to get my wisdom teeth taken out in a few weeks. At least they'll give me Hydros for the pain.
Man, Cheech and Chong was obviously made for stoners. Some of those scenes, especially the dogshit joint scene, just make me literally roll with laughter. 'You can keep-a knockin' but you can't get in.' Hahaha.
Family Guy is also hilarious.
I suddenly want a Cadbury creme egg.
If I had only twenty-four hours left to live, I'd do anything and everything impulsive.
Dude, I'm as high as a rock.
DUDE! You know what I wanna fuckin' watch right now? THE MUPPETS.
I'm so cool. The ice cubes are jealous.
How do you say 'weed' in Spanish? Hmmm, maybe... marijuana?
I saved a pizza roll from MinitMart in my pocket once. After burning quite a few, I remembered that I had that pizza roll. Dude, I don't remember my first day of school or the last, or any days in between, really. But I remember that pizza roll. It was the best thing that could have happened to me.
I'm gonna stab you in the knife with a fork.
You know how when you smoke, the smoke goes into your lungs right? So does that mean that when you drink the water goes into your lungs, too?
Where the fuck am I?
I wish I could smoke my fingers. There's so much oil on them.
If I was president, I'd build this country around its numero uno cash crop: marijuana. It would be legal for medical purposes and for personal use by people over the age of eighteen. Remind you of anything? Cigarettes. Exactly. Cigarettes are even more dangerous than marijuana, and yet it is legal.
If I could get stoned with anyone, I'd get stoned with Dave Chapelle.
The mind is a powerful thing.
Why does ash stain black on white material and white on black material?
Why don't you ever see baby pigeons?
I'm craving tacos like mad.
Is making a Lego bong possible? I really hope it is. That would be so much fun to make. I assume there would be too much air leaked, however. I'd end up breaking it anyway.
Ain't no bugs on me.
Coldplay. I've tried and tried, but I just can't dig 'em.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
I reccomend everyone to watch the video 'Redneck Ninja' on Youtube. Very funny. Judy chops hehe. Good video.
I am fucking high.
Guacamole is a funny word.
It sucks ass getting pulled over by cops after having smoked large amounts of marijuana.
It's all inside my head.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Found Off Road Keyed.... O.o Fork. A Fork Ranger.
I am fucked down.
We're looking for the inserts of our life tonight.
My brain cells are a good price to pay for these great times.
At 50, people who married at 20 will hate each other. It's just inevitable. You can't stay that long with ANYONE without starting to see flaws. Babies shorten the deadline of that hate. They take ten years away from it, so Brett and Britney lost twenty years and they had a lot of fights to drain the rest. They already hate each other.
The tits and ass scan. Yeah, the quick eye scan that all guys know. It's built into our DNA. Every time a girl passes, our eyes do it automatically and we either grin or vomit. Kristi says she.. does.. that, too. It's built into her DNA, too. Maybe bisexual girls got a little guy genes too and that's why they like girls? And maybe lesbians got all girl appearance genes but all guy desire genes? And gay guys... Maybe they got all guy appearance genes and all girl desire genes... and... behavior genes.
Dude, what's up with snowboarders anyway?
DECEMBER 24, 2009
I shall write a song randomly about a dude named Stan and never say his name in the song, which defeats the purpose of a song about Stan. And I shall accentuate the vowels needlessly. Yay.
I really dug your words in this situaaaaation... I really appreciate your looooove... I really wanna make love to your voice..... I remember looking at the memory of us together.... I remembeeeer you telling me you loooooved him more than me.... I didn't really wanna realiiiiize that you were not mine... I really don't miiiiiiiind you wanting somebody eeeeelse.. I really just want you to loooove meeee, toooooo.... I wish I could record my love and transfer it to you... I really hope you think about me on those cold dark lonely niiiiights, because that's when i think of you tooooo... I really hope you dug my words in this situaaaation.... I really hope you appreciate my looooove... I really hope you wanna make love to my voice, too.... I hope you remember looking at the memory of us together... I hope you realized that I'm yours.... I hope some day you don't want somebody eeeelse... And I hope you love me, too....
Thank you, Cleveland. Can't wait to read this fucking shit tomorrow man, this is gonna be awesome. This song sounds amazing to me probably cause I'm ripped ahahahahhaa, ahem sexandcandy.... wait, that doesn't go there... AHA that's what she said.. heehee)
What was I going to write here? Something about city guides... Lifestyles... Cooking... Hot holiday drinks... Make MSN your homepage... Oh wait I'm looking at this Internet Explorer thing that popped up. And I was like.. randomly writing down the words that like... popped up on the Internet Explorer window which had just now popped up, anyways. Anyways.. Sooo... uhhh... yeah, dude.
I'm just trying to drink it in. The light and... carpet and stuff.
Oooh, candycanes. Heeheehee.
(had to try not to laugh there haha, I can laugh on here though cause like... these aren't like... spoken words, I'm just typing these with my uhh.. fingers. Oh sorry... Movin' on, keep on keepin' on, haha)
When did I start this entry? March 8, 1998? Hmmm... Interesting date. I'm gonna look that fucking date up on Wikipedia and see what happened that day to make me start this fucking entry. No, seriously. I know it didn't start on that date and I know I just started it a few minutes ago but like.. I wanna see what made me think of that date. Hold on, guys. Hold on, yo. I'll be right back, enjoy these commercials meanwhile..... 
Oh myyyyyyy fucking shit..... Fuck I fucking forgot what I was gonna put on here. Fucking seriously. Ahaha wait. No I lost it again. It's... floating out there somewhere near Guadalcanal. It's gonna get caught in that World War 2 battle there though, it better watch the fuck out dude. Motherfuckin' bombs bursting in air and shit and the clouds are not shiny all day there I can tell you that much, motherfucker. Bitch. Yeah, that's what I said. Fuck you. Bitch. Fuckin' faggot. Fuckin' fatass lazy old cat woman with fuckin' nosehair and liver patches and... watches fuckin'... Oprah and fuckin' All In The Family reruns and like fuckin' Murder She Wrote. Hmmm... Holy shit, I really am crazy. That's... not comforting.
OOOH, I found the candy canes again. Fuck yeah. This is like Christmas... Oh fuck, it is Christmas! Hot dandy, man, where's my fucking presents? Hmm... Actually the shirt I'm wearing is one of my presents, I like already opened 'em and I got like uhhh... Some new like... speakers... a shirt... a shirt... some pants... some pants... uhhh... Sam gave me like some fuckin' cologne......
Have you ever watched that fuckin'... Dexter show, man. Oh, you haven't? Eh I was just asking because like... that show fucking sucks, man. I mean, I've barely seen any episodes but like... it's got some shitty acting, dude and... the characters are utterly unrealistic and I find it comical when they try to be scary. It's like 'oh wow this is realistic, this can actually happen, i should be scared of this happening to me' which is incidentally the root of all fears... It's you being scared that the thing that you're frightened of will HAPPEN TO YOU. So being scared of drowning is not being scared of the water... it's being scared of the drowning happening to YOU. Crazy, I know. Or maybe I just served up a full steaming hot plate of bullshit because I am fucking out of my mind. That is equally possible... and realistic unlike Dexter. Rare, I know.
It's better in the dark. Like when I close my eyes. I like the dark. It's... neutral. It's not quite safe but not quite dangerous either.
I found some fucking Doritos, man. I am rich. In Do..reet...toes.. Do reet toes. Toes that do reet. Eww, toes. My appetite is gone. I can't eat toes.
I think it's time to write another song. Listening to Papercut first and then I'll write one based off the feelings I get from Papercut, I can only do this while stoned. That first one was from a Second Chance by Shinedown... Pfft and this shit is illegal? This is GOOOOD. Okay hold on, gonna listen to the song with all my attention for ... 3:05 minutes, apparently. Be right back. Actually, I just recorded myself hoarsely rapping Ice Ice Baby. Now I'll listen to Papercut AGAIN cause I got off stack or track either one and like... I'll write the song THEN. Wait Ice Ice Baby is still playing, damn it's distracting, other djs say DAMN if my rhyme was a drug I'd sell it by the gram. Word to your mother. Anyways okay Focus Lee, go to fucking Papercut on the playlist. FUCK. Okay, got it. Word to your mother.
the sunshine washes me... the moonlight dims me... i'm torn between whether to love the light or dark side of myself and of anyone... it can be dark, it can be light, or it can be in between... it can be torn between two fucking colors... and enter that fucking gray area, that fucking friend zone, to which none dare enter willingly... some rain, some shine, both sides have their benefits... you're in the sunshine and i'm in the moonlight and please I love the dark but i want to be in that sunshine if you're there too... i just wanna be with you...
I don't remember writing it, seconds afterward right now, so uhh... Hopefully it's good but either way, movin' on.
I took my time, I hurried up, the choice was mine I didn't think enough, I'm too depressed to go on, you'll be sorry when I'm gone.
(Or not.)
I'll be quoting random lyrics that strike me all night so get used to it.
I'd pop a cap in Sancho and I'd slap her doooown, well I really know... ah baby.. mm... what I really want to say I can't define, well it's love that I neeeed... well my soul will have to wait till I get back, find a heina of my own, daddy's gonna love one and all, I feel the break, feel the break, feel the breaaaaak and I've got live it up, well huh, well I swear that I really wanna know, ah baby, what I really wanna say, I can't define make it gooooooo... my soul will have to...
(If I quote them in length, it means I really like it. Like that Sublime song up there.)
Tell Sanchito that if he knows what is good for him, he best go run and hiiiide... Daddy's got a new .45...
(I'll stop with Santeria now hehe.)
I have like.... candycane stuck in my teeth. That's not bueno. Mamacita. Parlez vouz francais?
I can't separate myself from what I've done, giving up a part of me I've let myself become you.... Hearing your name the memories come back again, I remember when it started happening, I'd see you and every thought I had and then the thoughts slowly found words attached to them and then as they escaped away I knew that .... I forgot the rest of the words but I'm just flowing with the song. This song is pain. Pure pain. I love it. It never goes awaaaay...
Listenin' to Given Up, fuck yayus niggas. Sing it, brother. It's the depiction of my average day and what I think during it, the entire song. Leave Out All The Rest is as well. And Faint... and One Step Closer and Valentine's Day and Papercut and Crawling.. Hmm... Coincidence? Maybe. I'm suffocating, tell me what the FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME.......Put me out of my miiiiisery.... put me out of my miiiiisery... put me out of my.... put me out of my fucking MIIIISEEEEEERRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.... I've giiiiiiven uuuuuuuuup!!!!!!! Whoo, now wasn't that freeing? I hope I didn't scream it while typing it. O.o I'm not sure.
Time won't take this damage anymore, don't turn your back, I won't be ignored! NOOOO!!!! HEAR ME OUT NOW!!! YOU'RE GONNA LISTEN TO ME LIKE IT OR NOT, RIGHT NOOOOW, YOU'RE GONNA LISTEN TO ME LIKE IT OR NOT, RIGHT NOOOOOOOW!!! Damn that sure is freeing. Makes you feel like it might actually happen. Gives ya hope. Love it. No one ever fucking listens to me. It makes me sad. Just because I'm not cool doesn't mean I don't have like... a few cool things to say you know? Eh I only want a few people to listen anyway, they pretend to listen sure, they hear me but they don't like listen, if that makes any sense..
I'm so happy that I had a good day, man. You have no idea. I was... I was really down. I'm so thankful... Christmas must be real, dude.
Dude... So Far Away by Staind is ... probably the best song ever when you're stoned. It is... an experience. I love the story, you like project yourself into that life for that brief time you listen to it. :) I wanna be like that. I wish I could exist in my dreams forever man. And I hope no one ever wakes me. My dreams rock. Everything I ever want to happen happens to me and I'm happy, or everything I don't want to happen happens. If there is ANY heaven, any place after death, I hope it's where you relive every single dream and nightmare you've ever had. That would be my heaven. No bullshit. Fuck that God shit, that should be heaven. And hell... Hell should be watching every painful thing that would hurt you... Watching your kids die, watching your sister get raped, watching little babies beheaded repeatedly and watching people get mauled by like tigers or something.... That would be hell for me, all that horrible shit... Especially the babies part. Watching people you.. love die and stuff... That would fucking suck. Especially repeatedly, for eternity. That is Hell. If there is one.
It's Been Awhile by Staind has stolen the best song ever when you're stoned championship by KTFO. This song is about regret I think. Stirs up feelings in me. Regretting things you said.... regretting mistakes and decisions (what's the difference?).... regretting every bad, horrible thing you said to hurt someone you love... regretting not loving yourself and even wanting to murder yourself...... Regretting doing something incredibly stupid to fuck something incredible... remembering and regretting feelings you've had because they changed lives for the worse... Everything. Very powerful song for me. Every song I listen to after is gonna take the title so let's just take that for granted. At least I add entries in with the songs now, not just lyrics.
Immaaaa smoke me a cigarette. Usually that ends badly in this situation. We shall see. I'm ready to take the risk for that sweet cancer. Light 'er up. Smoke 'em if you got 'em. Smoke 'em if you bought 'em. Smoke 'em if you shot 'em. That's the Nazi version of it.
I'm listening to Skater Boy by Avril now. I should record myself singing that. I did but I'm still hoarse. Yes, I'm a horse, burrhurr. O.o I'll be backstage after the shooooow... That's what she said. Yep. I said it. Shittily, but I said it.
Damn, Avril has some good lyrics though. It's a damn cold night, trying to figure out this life... Won't you take me by the hand, take me somewhere new, I don't know who you are but I.... I'm with you... I'm with youuuuuu... And there's more good lyrics. Cause nothing's going right, and everything's a mess, and no one likes to be alone... Why is everything so confusing, maybe I'm just out of my miiiiiiind? :( Ah I love ya, Avril. Bless ya. Wish your pain was real, it'd make it a more sympathetic song but you're just a poser, unfortunately.
More good lyrics. I always needed time on my own, I never thought I would need you there when I cried, and the days feel like years when I'm alone, and the bed where you lie is made up on your side.. :( When you walk away I count the steps that you take, do you see how much I need you right now? :( Poser with good lyrics.
Ah shit Waste a Moment by Fightstar. This is such a psychedelic song. It's.... It's crazy. Even when I'm not stoned, I get a fucking crazy vibe from it so imagine how I feel right now eh? I love those fucking drums too, fuuuuuckk.. And his voice is fucking awesome.... For a British dude. I don't know what the fuck the song is about but apparently they're an honest self-anaemic. That's all I got.
Dude I have calluses on my palms from the UFC game rofl. Wow, I play it too much. Like when you grab a submission hold, you've got to rub the buttons with your palm really fast to get the sub, or they'll escape. Holy hell, it's like a World of Warcraft callus. It's my nerd badge of honor. Hail nerds! We rock. Fuck you, boring unintelligent people. You know who you fucking are. Fuckers.
Damn it, I been struck by the stoner jinx. Singed my eyebrow and eyelash AGAIN. Every time dude. At least one fucking time. Maybe two or three if I'm 'lucky'.
But in this unity, fate has found the need so you better check yourself before ya check out! Sorry, lyrics.
Ahhhh, Mourning by Tantric. Amazing song. Wait got distracted by pretty smoke. Yeah Mourning rocks. I purposefuly forgot about loving anyone cause I'm the only one who has, who has been stepped upon, is there something that you're trying to say cause I can take it, because I grew up a man this way, if I'm hurt I'll shake, I'll crawl back into my cave, that's how I'll make it, because out of all this hurt we had.... beauty thus becomes... :( Very powerful. The guitar is beautiful and so is the message. It's like 'let go because it's not worth it'. Like I said before, easier said than done but still.. Great mothafuckin' song right there.
Eh full flavor tastes chalky... Menthol tastes more icy and pleasant and enhances my buzz. I like menthol. Glad I have Crushes..
I fucking love music. I really, truly do. With all my heart.
Duuuude, You're a God by Vertical Horizon. Fucking awesome beat and another awesome message. At first it'd seem to be about God but not in my opinion. It's about something else, I can totally relate to it. Love songs like that. It definitely suits my unfortunate doormat style.
Plus 44 rocks as well, holy shit. The drummer is amazing, the Blink-182 drummer, Travis something. I'm listening to 155 now and it's fucking awesome. God, love the beat.
I'm vibin' right now, dude. Fuck that was some good shit. It was hash, I think. I nearly died right after I took it, I was... in fucking another dimension man.
Lol I just sent Kristi a message and was like 'yo kreesti'. What the fuck? I dunno, that should be her fucking nickname though, Kreesti. She can still be Sti that way but she'll also be Kreesti, which is funny-sounding. Anyways moving on rofl sorry, she distracts me.
Oh shit there's Ice Ice Baby agayn. Gotta rock it guys, hold on. Gonna bust it out. Had to stop because I kept singing and forgot that humans need to breathe. Nearly died. True story. Police are on the scene, you know what I mean, they passed me up, confronted all the dope fiends, if there was a problem yo I'll solve it, check out the hook while my DJ revolves it. Word to your mother.
Oh duuuude Running Away. Fucking excellent song right there.
You wake up after school and you don't wanna go, you ask your mom please but she still said NO, you missed two classes and no homework, but your teacher preaches class like he's some kind of JERK.. you gotta FIGHT for your RIGHT to PAAAARTY... Fuck yeah!
Oh fuck... Lillian by Plus 44. I love this shit man. Hits me right here. Wherever I'm touching. O.o Yeah.
Oh shit a Sublime song. Imma be kickin' now. What I Got! I won't quote the lyrics but fuck they describe my nerdy ass right now. Except for the Dalmatian part. Fuck it, I'll buy a Dalmatian. 101 Dalmatians. Fuck it. Damn Dalmatian is a fucking awesome word. O.o Seriously. I'm not just stoned, fucking sound out that word.
Ah man Crossfade is as awesome as Sublime right now. Fucking awesome dude. His voice rocks.
And Broken featuring Amy Lee. Her voice... Phew. Oh fuck... That's one of the few things, one of maybe three things, I can call beautiful and be completely earthly honest. Amy Lee's voice, Kristi and a spring morning. Those are the three things I can call beautiful and Amy Lee is at least the Top 2. Makes my heart feel good and bad at the same time, love it. That's the definition of beautiful I think, right? Damn her voice rocks.
Right Here by Staind, holy fuck... I can relate so much to that song. It's... it's great.
I'm fighting the sleepy part now.
Oh damn Heaven's a Lie by Lacuna Coil. Great song, ghostly haunting vocals and great background music, amazing background music and amazing vocals. Me loves it. Ethereal. I bet that chick can suck a dick like a champion, dude, she has some lungs on her. And Avril, I'd tap that. That Flyleaf chick too. I think that's a chick. O.o Yeah it is. She looks like a dude. A crackhead dude. Wouldn't tap that. I'd hit the Paramore singer though. Mmm nice. Unfortunately as with most women I have not a snowball's chance in fuckin' Arizona.
And you smile, hiding behind that God-given face, but I know you're so much more, everything they ignore... is all that I need to see. Goo Goo Dolls rock man. :) I wish, wishing for you to find your way, and I hold on for all you need, that's all we need to say... Awesome, dude.
Never Let You Go, by Third Eye Blind, is a stoner song that perhaps surpasses Sublime. I knew the first time I heard it sober and now it is fucking confirmed dude. Fuck yes.
Okay, I'm good. Gonna chill.
I just literally walked out with ONLY my shirt on, pissed and got a Dr. Pepper. O.o Badass!
Those Doritos are looking mighty fuckin' delicious right about now. Nom nom nom.
"You're a virgin arent'cha?" I love Clerks 2. Best movie to watch stoned, besides Pineapple Express. "We can't fuck because of Pillow Pants. Pillow Pants is a little troll that lives in her pussy. Pillow Pants is her pussy troll. Duh. Like you know how most parents put a pussy troll in when they're young." O.o Clerks 2 rocks. "So I got to wait till Pillow Pants gets peed out of her body on her 21st birthday and then we can have sex." "Who told you this?" "Boyfriends and girlfriends talk to each other about sex stuff, Randal." Ahahaahaha. Fuck. I'm glad I'm not that worse off. Phew. There are people lower than me, at least in movies. Thank goodness.
I feel pretty good, dude. Not stupid anymore, just good. I'm glad. Good.
Oh nothing happened on May 8, 1998.
MARCH 28, 2010
Don't put hopeful vibes into your lives, because hopeful vibes are always broken, and don't put bad vibes because bad vibes are unconsequencial, stick with good vibes, good vibes lead you down the right roads.
Let's go ask Shawn if he can smell anything.
How are you gonna forget pain?
Touch the Camel.
It's the smell logistics.
(gay voice) Oh no, it's on my fractured pinkie.
Half empty, because you have something to hope for.
Tap tap tap, that's not what Dan Hardy was thinking.
Who's your daddy now, bitch?
Yes, I am concerned with that, but I don't let it bring me down.
Are those bluelights flashing?
Is it possible for me to feel something like that, something like fake like that. It's possible. Is it that powerful? If you let it gain that much power then yes indeed.
The Poon Dog Salon and Hair Care
Had a Jack and Rose moment from Titanic but like the least gay one. Well yeah. Sam was sketching me and I was like thinking 'This must be how Rose felt' because it's very amazing watching yourself appear onto paper and also because Sam seems to have some fucking talent. He's popping off some zingers, dude.
I HEARD SQUEAKY HINGES!
We've gotta find Spray Spray.
My hand feels broken. That's just a prediction, man. Broken hand via knock the fuck out at the end of the 17th motherfucking round dude. Oh mercy me I do not wish to die. Spare me you fiend.
Vajeejer. That's pussy. It's from the planet... Square..
This is horrible, this is just a tragedy. It's bad, it's bad, it's really really bad. And when a beauty and the beast grabs her by the tush
Sssshhhhhhhh......ut up.
Apparently, I have a sprained wrist and I just now noticed.
I don't like that music (Pink Floyd), it makes me see shit.
I never have anything to say.
We hear Brett's voice in Hoobastank.
Dude Brett's voice is in Pardon Me.
Dude, lower back hugs are the way to go.
APRIL 18
All drugs make you high by like... drying out your brain and your like... vital logistics system consoles.
It's 12:55 A.M. So like happy eighteenth birthday to me, homie G. That rhymed, yo.
Hold me when I'm here. Right me when I'm wrong. That's awesome.
Dude Anna is so hot and I love her accent and her personality. I'd totally get with her dude. :O Damn.
Execution X-ray, not see under my skin.
Go roaming through this darkness, I'm alive but I'm alone. Part of me is fighting this but part of me is gone.
I'll blow it away, blow it away, can we make this something good? When I try to do it right this time around.
This love is killing me but you're the only one, it's not oooooover. Taken all I can take and I cannot wait, wasting too much being strong, holding on, can't let it bring us down. My life with you means everything, so I won't give up that easily, I'll blow it away, blow it away, can we make this something good? And it's all misunderstood.
Puddin' pop. Ass to mouth.
Bombs away.
Knees on the bed rail, hands on the carpet, depends on how hard they're doing it.
It's pretty much wore off now, dude. I had a great time though. Anna and Shandi are the shit. :)
MAY 9
He fought the Lawlor, but the Lawlor won.
He's the reincarnation of Severn. Nah, he just lost some weight.
Dan Miragliotta kicked Machida in the head.
Daley said 'fucking bitch' after the decision.
Mitrione was pumped, kept bouncing off the ring posts.
Even though most never die, I'm not goin' to let these pass me by nooooo.
The Crow And The Butterfly by Shinedown
Grand Unification 1 and 2 by Fightstar
The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny
MAY 12
I found my soul in my jacket pocket.
I painted your room at midnight, the one with the four leaf clover.
MAY 15
I'm not in the mood for what?
I have my lighter in different cages
That impact was orgasmic.
Marshmallows are a white cloud of eternal youth. There's no age limit for eating marshmallows. They roll a lot better.
His legs are open and rubbing his crotch.
He was flat-ironing his crotch.
We had a discussion about fantasies. Tell her that fantasy.
He broke my fantasies of there being no time.
Ramifications.
They're pongy.
I feel apart. Me and Shandi were the lump to Sam, Sam and Shandi were the lump to me, and me and Sam are the Shandi.
I don't feel together.
I fell over.
I masturbate all over my blankets.
I feel tight up here on my knee.
We looked up the origin of the cellular telephone.
You're looking at me like 'I can't get up'.
That was hard. That's what she said.
That's good shit. That's what he said.
My hand wouldn't extend.
Fellas, we should bid our farewells.
It seems like a good departing song. Please Don't Hate Me.
The shroud has opened.
Boston is an even better departure song.
Sam faked throwing something to me and I saw a bright little flash outline of that something zoom towards me and I caught it and felt it in my hands and then suddenly I looked and my hands were empty. I was shocked. I was like 'WOAH!' and then regular time resumed and the actual physical thought of 'WOAH!' came out of my mouth very quickly into sound. And it seemed as though it had all happened in a split second, which it had. My delayed reaction time turned a split second into perhaps six seconds of thought. That is amazing. I must be some sort of superior being.
My delayed record.
My delayed recording of everything old and new, quickly come before we bid adieu, climb inside my motor speeder, quickly now you mustn't hinder my escape, to the land of things we shouldn't see and the sight of things we couldn't be, why do you even contemplate? not a thousand drops of love could slake this thirst. for you and everything about you. You're in my thoughts, you lend light to a dream, you're everything good about me, I'm empty-hearted without you like a balloon deflated, the things you hated, about me I could change. I love you more every day, I say things I shouldn't say but I regret every second of not knowing you, because I love you. You're my best friend and I know you'll always be there for me and that means the whole fucking world to me, Kristi. I love you so much, dude. I thought it was fake at the very start but... It's not. To me you are perfect, man. You can do no wrong. Dakota dumped you and another guy would be like 'Fuck her, I hope she feels just as bad as I did when she dumped me' but I don't see it that way, Kristi. I see it as like... I don't want you to feel as bad as I felt. You didn't do anything wrong with him like I did with you. You didn't treat him like shit, you had the right love dude, you didn't be jealous over him and shit and try to keep him to yourself, you fucking loved him. And he fucking dumps you like a fucking asshole? He didn't love you, dude. He might, even.. But.. It's not the right love for you yet. His love for you is like mine when we used to fight and stuff, maybe a bit less assholeish though, a lot less. So I mean... My original point was I don't see it that way like another guy, I see it as you didn't do anything wrong and you deserved love. I did everything wrong and I deserved heartache and nearly-nonstop suicide contemplation. So I mean.. Another guy wouldn't think like that, dude. I really love you. I don't know if you understand how much, dude. Fuck, you don't wanna hear this shit, where was I going with this then? Oh yeah, so um you're the best friend I could ever have and I'll be your best friend for as long as you want me I guess, and.. I'm glad I'll never be with you because you deserve someone better. You deserved Dakota. I'm sorry he hurt you, Kristi. Sorry for this message, too. Have a good night, man.
They're above you dude. You've gotta raise up and it'll scoop 'em off and you'll be okay. Put your head all the way down and they'll return, raise up only a bit and you'll feel it back and you'll be fucked again.
I've gotta remember to put Light Up The Sky as my main call ringtone.
No one's listening anyway when you cry out, isn't it time to raise your voice, babe? It doesn't matter where you go, they'll still find you with their cries and sighs and taunts and jeers, what he hears it isn't awesome, it isn't awesome if you know. you should go, it isn't time to refuse to tempt fate, hurry up and wait or drop bombs. hit 'em when they're grinning, hit 'em when they're grunting, hit 'em while you go, hit 'em up and throw down. let it go let 'em throw isn't it time to grow a pair you little bitch, do it.
I found some salty soil in my vagina.
I wonder if you have any sweat glands in Sweden, or if they're too Swede to sweat Swedish.
I never knew my father neither, he blew his fucking face off in 'Tober 97, mother downed pills 'Cember 92.
Pondelay Pool Version.
Bill saw it all and that's how Joey found them. He ripped all of his skin off, it's raw. You can't dream because of the screams in the trunk, whistle and bump in the night, is someone there or is that someone you? Someone standing right behind you only when you aren't looking. You need some help when you get down there, a stiff breeze could take you off the edge, listen to what I said, the shadow right there isn't real. He's not real, let it go, shake that fucking shit off and glue yourself back to reality because that's some sticky shit.
I wonder if you can smoke sometime and your body reacts badly and you're on a bad high forever. I wonder if that's how serial killers and psychopaths are. If they were born with the feelings that a permanent bad high would activate. Damn. That would suck dude. They'd be yeah... insane. Which insane fits aptly to a bad high. Perhaps marijuana activates the insane feelings, it basically temporarily makes you insane if you have those tendencies. The same thing with diphenhydramine, those pills I took. It just activates a different type of insanity, probably... schizophrenic tendencies, basically tripping constantly and hearing voices, auditory illusions, see?
I need to mingle, I got myself a tingle.
On his face is a map of the world.
I wonder if you can stitch an eyelid closed. That would look weird. And probably hurt.
You know what I'd like right now? A blowjob. Yeah. Just putting that out there. Yeah.
Is that Alec Baldwin's voice on TV? Nope it's Brendan Fraser with a Boston accent. It sounds strangely like Alec Baldwin's voice. No wait that's not Brendan Fraser, but it does sound like Alec Baldwin's voice. It looks like Michael Douglas. It's some dude talking to a gagged girl. There, I simplified it. Oooooh, it's Kevin Bacon. Of course.
The air I breathe gagged.
He's a copkiller and his name is Kevin mothafuckin' Bacon.
Dude, Shandi's hot. I mean like the way she thinks man. Fuck. :) Turns me on and like... Yeah. I would fuck Shandi dude, for sure.
That Asian chick threw herself off of a rooftop, on TV. She landed on like a construction barrier. Pwned.
Dude I bet Asian pussy is nice. Isn't it ironic that they eat cats?
Is that Hugh Jackman's voice on TV? They're searching for a bloodtype. They found her bloodtype. The doctor's breaking in though. He's a bad doctor. He won't let them find the bloodtype. She's gonna die. They're all fucked. She has a really rare bloodtype. She's gonna fucking die and it's gonna be all their fault.
Asian chicks always look and sound like they're being raped in porn. They're like laying there limply and lifelessly and they're crying and shit. Wow. And Asian guys like this? Just proves Asia is a rapist-inclined country dude. Damn.
No wait, that's not Brandi, she doesn't look bad though.
The day you die we won't cry we won't feel sorry.
You can't keep the baby, you can't let it get in the way. At least that's what he said but you're scared and sobbing, he won't stop calling you worthless. But you're no worth to him unless you're available.
Dude I'm watching porn with Sinead O'Connor getting fucked. Either that or she's got an exact lookalike. It's strangely hot though.
I've seen crackwhores sexier than this girl.
Deep inside the undertow, underneath the undertow follow me lean, watch the top overflow like someone lit the flowers on your chest. Beyond the breach, it's swell it's only midnight. Deep inside the undertow, we won't be seen, underneath the undertow no one can hear you scream. No one will hear you scream.
They put Extenze ads and ads of cock enlargening stuff to porn vid sites because someone watching porn... it's a good chance they probably don't have a very big dick and they don't get a whole lot of pussy. I guess I fit both. Who knew?
Dude what the fuck, Maccauley Culkin has an English accent, and he's with Seth Green. They're doing heroin dude what the fuck man?
James it was in self-defense, James James James, wake up oh fuck you're dead but I can't notice, I'm too high to care, let's just ignore the dead and turn the other cheek. This is really fucking weird, I can't help feeling freaked out.
Oh wow, Seth Green has a British accent, too. Weird movie.
Hi, I'm Mike Lowry.
I could never help administering to gripes and losers.
I don't do drugs, it's for loser. It fucks you up.
Party Monster.
No publicity is bad publicity.
Beat it off spit it off.
I love everything you're doing and everything you couldn't, it's okay because I love you.
Nichole Hunter.
It was a pretty fucking rad year.
I might love you, Britt. I just.. don't know how to show it, baby. :) You're so special to me though, you know that? You're one of the most incredible girls I know. You're such a good friend to me, you're always there for me even though I am a fucking asshole to you and I need to stop. And you're not only a good friend to me, you'd be a fucking excellent girlfriend. You know what I'd love? To be able to like say... 'I'm gonna call my girlfriend, Britt, so she can come hang out.' And that's what's awesome. We are such good friends that it would be awesome to just hang out but then you add in the fact that you'd be my girlfriend and we even get to fool around, too. I fucking love making out with you , the way you taste. Honestly, I can't get enough of it. It was like... the most intimate thing I've ever done with anyone, and it was with you, Britt. :) And oh man, I love your smile when we're kissing or fooling around. It's like a 'I look so innocent but I'm so fucking naughty' smile. :) Drives me wild dude. I hope you're the first girl I have sex with, Britt, seriously. When I really think about it, it's perfect. I trust you, dude. I think it would be fucking amazing to make love to you. Making love is different than fucking, that'll come later for me, just fucking a girl. Sure I want to fuck you and stuff, but... I also wanna like... You know how you told me once that 'it has to be perfect'. Well that's it, you're right dude.
I masturbate incongruinously.
Wow that bitch has a bony face. Her face looks like Skeletor's daughter lost a few pounds of bone marrow up in the facial skull portion of the Skellaher.
The American Gestapo killed Hitler.
Dude, do you think horses have abortions? Or portions of abortions?
Sleep deprivation is depriving your body of a recharge. It's not good for cell phones, so it damn sure isn't good for your body dude. Come on.
Let's pickle.
JUST A RANDOM THOUGHT
Pow, take a bite out of a lemon cookie, pick a seed from a pineapple tree, lonely hugging a mayberry stone, a man with a purple-painted face fucking an Irish doll, his name is Daniel Bob Justman.
May 21
It's going down my throat. That's what she said.
An old lady got run over at church hahahahahaha.
That's what I said. That's what she said!
Who, Bret Michaels?
The Twilight Zone theme song.
Is it blurry to y'all?
I almost hit him with the bell.
Redtip Wines.
What is up, strawberry?
Keep getting sucked back down the tunnel and through the grate. A wave of smoke which you can't penetrate. Hazy view from side to side, hit the left can't trust the right. You can soar back up if you time it well, enter a chamber of secrets that you can't tell, break through the top of your atmosphere, if you can't find it down there you'll find it up here, you'll find it here. Haunting memories of love lost and found, traumatic flashbacks doomed to linger around, flip through the pages of the book of life, then head back down. Through the chamber and down to the left, soar through the smoke and through the grate, enter the tunnel and stay and wait. You'll be happy now.
Can't swallow this fear of the new and not the old, refuse to change can't arrange for anything but failure, bars on the window bars on the door bars between you and everyone and then one more, you can't deny that you don't care, to you heartbreak is only fair, you don't know shit but that's all you talk, get some papers roll 'em and stick 'em up your mouth.
I thought no meant no, man.
I feel imprisoned inside the hippy bar vibe that Sam projects with his independent, rebellious guitar playing. I want to get back to the happy vibe.
Once you go to the one of the types of chill vibe, there's no going back. :( You can't get back to the happy vibe. It's a fork in the road. You can stay at the chill vibe depot for the rest of your high, or you can go down the bad high road. Or you can go to the horny vibe road. Other than that, you're destined to chill. Wait, there's a sad high, too.
It's a fuckin' murr-er-er. A murr-er-er.
I hate when people pull up outside. I get a feeling like predators are outside to get me. Fuck... Waiting to pounce as soon as I make a mistake. Like tigers. Raawr. Fuckin' Tony the Tiger, man. It's more than good, it's great for you, bitch.
Wow, it's really quiet. Except for my typing. I hate when it's quiet. I need music.
I think sudden spasms of the nerve endings are what cripples someone. Not the actual nerve being damaged but the shock from the thousands of sudden spasms repeated every nanosecond for years finally numbs the legs slowly but completely. So.. the older you are, the more likely you are to be crippled.
Hey, Sam, remember the creamtip?
What's your name? Demo
(seconds after) Who do you think won? Oh, me.
Sam won first match by TKO second round and I won the second match by triangle (first round.) Third fight Sam won by second round left-hook knockout in a round that I was winning. I was Shogun but he was Rampage.
First round of first fight was close.
We had to restart. First round was close. Second round I snuggied him and got a north-south choke. First round of second fight mine. Second round of second fight I won by rear-naked choke.
It is possible to get back into the funny vibe twice in one night: smoke again. I am in the funny vibe.
Hold on I have to know where all my little cakes are.
Did you know laughter is another form of pain? There are types of pain, bad and good.
I think that they are in two separate harbors, sir.
I'm gonna thrust like a wild boar hog with tits. What the fuck?
You tricked me like Roger Rabbit, nah I mean Bunny Rabbit, nah I mean Buggs Bunny. Ah shitty.
Saying 'I'm sleepy' and 'I'm going to bed' are two whole different cups of noodles, my friend.
Hold the left hand up as if it were a shield to block punches with.
First round of third match was Sam's. Sam won it in the second round by vicious left hook.
First round Sam's. He fucked me up standing. Second round mine with effective takedowns. Third round mixed with him dminating standing and me getting good takedowns but probably mine. 29-28 mine. But my eye is fucked up.
Did this ever happen? Shogun vs. Machida?
Sam rocked me twice in the second round and finally knocked me out with an uppercut with Machida.
Welcome To My Life is an awesome song while stoned, just fucking awesome.
Doin' Time is really chill.
I'm glad you came along.
Raisin creme cakes are amazing. The raisin combined with the cake? Equals awesome.
May 22
Ah, ze K3.
This conversation unstoned:
Me: Hey, Sam want a raisin creme cake? They're fucking delicious, motherfucker.
Sam: Hell yeah man. These things are fucking delicious, motherfucker. Thanks, man.
Me: No fucking problem, dude.
This conversation stoned:
Me: *gets Sam's attention, holds out raisin cake* Duude....
Sam: *nods* Duuude... *grabs cake*
Me: Dude.
Click here if your browser does not automatically redirect you.
Hey guys, did you know bad actors are mean to keep a keen eye out for weed?
Being crazy is just having an extremely overactive imagination. I think it just means that our minds are far, far more expanded than those of sane people and... we're not different at all physically but mentally, we certainly are leaps and bounds ahead. Why do you think serial killers are never retards? These guys plan shit out, their imagination makes them thirst desperately for more knowledge to insert into their imagination, they have to know everything about everything and they are thus motherfucking geniuses dude. I'm not near that level but I think my imagination is pretty extensive. You wouldn't believe some of the stuff that I think and some of the stuff that I... experience. I know no one would ever admit it but you gotta admit heh, you're jealous of being at that pinnacle of self-awareness. It's a hell of a trade-off. Sure, you're an outcast and at the higher levels, you're most likely a psychopath, but you can do so many things with your imagination that no one else can even dream about. Who's superior? Those who listen or those who talk? Hahaha.
My attention span when high is fucking infintessamal. I see something and instantly like file it away for later and a split second later I'm already focused on another subject or problem, searching for a solution.
Lmao I just sent Britt a text. "Yo brittsaurus brittsauce brittanic." What the fuck?
I've heard of this thing called the 'contact high', otherwise known as the Placebo Effect. I wonder if that's real man. That would be cool. Even if you're not high, you instinctively adapt to being as comfortable as the stoners are. You get 'high' from being in contact with them. It's from the frontal lobe dude. I can make people high. :) That smiley looks like he has crossed eyes, drunk smiley.
You check your phone, because you have nothing to contribute to the conversation.
Your eyes are shark-just-attacked-someone-in-the-water red.
Man, video games suck the meaty beans.
I cut you every time.
Rampage-Rashad. First round really close. Second round mine by snuggy. Third round I was winning by Snuggy and Rashad landed a left hook and knocked me out.
I picked Sam apart on the feet landing big right hands and rocked him, he survived for quite a bit and did good but I finally picked it and landed a big counter right.
Close first round this time, we fought like our fighters, their styles. Close second round. I came out aggressive for the third, Sam rocked me with a straight left and pounced and knocked me out with a right hook.
First round was close, maybe mine. Second round I made the mistake of jabbing a lot and he knocked me THE FUCK OUT with a straight left like a rocket.
First round Sam fucked me up with big combos and dropped me twice and rocked me and dropped me a third time with an uppercut. I clinched and survived. Second round Sam snuggied ME and finished me in mount with a single big elbow.
A toot and a poot from the glute.
First round Sam's, he nearly had a few omoplatas. Sam came out and destroyed me with a right hook quickly.
First round close. Sam nearly had another barrage of omoplatas. Second round Sam knocked me out with another right hand.
First round mine from mount a bit, close though. Second round mine from mount, I eventually knocked Sam out with an uppercut in the clinch.
First round Sam's dominantly in mount. Sam got a second round rear-naked choke after snuggying me.
No matter what path you take, it leads back to pain, agony is never far out of touch, you can't grieve it's much too much to take it's time to break away from the ties that bind you to this and that him or her, the world still goes despite your plea, no one hears they can't see, what you see when you cry, what they'll think when you die, they don't care, it's time to go, turn it down and let them up, they won't hear you so stop screaming, they can't hear you, let it go, ooooh, fuck it let it go.
Don't surrender to the fake and the real, you can't touch what you can't feel, you can't touch the heart or the mind of those who could care less, unless you make them cry and say hey bye, get a reaction, your own satisfaction is worth more than their tears, how could someone fake it? they just love to make it worse, with every sigh and curse they smile brighter, haven't been happy for so long, it's so wrong, why can't they get it?
Where would we be without the A-bomb?!
Peeling paint is less boring than drying paint.
MAY 24
I wouldn't be surprised if pot can give you the ability to breathe underwater.
I wonder if computers have a check-engine light.
MAY 30
It all comes in little slices.
I'm queasy. It's all spinning.
Dude, we never hit those church fries.
Maybe being high is being in pain. Because like.... Nah wait yo...You can't like... feel pain or greed or insecurity... fear... or worry... or weariness.... especially hate, or lust... Okay maybe lust. You can only feel lust, boners, hunger, happiness, shyness, love, confidence, pride, faith, and did I mention a strong libido.
I'm shivery and I almost slid off the dock.
My butt is swollen. It feels hollow and robotic and... squeaky.
Ouch, my shin slapped into my thigh.
My tooth is like the Valley of the Hidden Nugget Forgers.
Can you say 'Hard Carl' and 'Dirty Sanchez' and 'Portuguese Breakfast' on the radio? Please.
My shadow is moving the same way as me. It's weirding me out, you various professors of both knowledge and stupidity.
It'd be weird if your walls could have tsunamis circulating around their path.
For some reason, when I'm high I always get this trippy feeling like I'm pissing down my pant leg and into my shoe filling up my sock, even if I'm sitting at an angle where if I like WAS pissing it wouldn't be able to run down my leg, it still feels that way and I feel down on my sock and it's bone dry, dude. That's the definition of an intense residual trip. Wow. I hope that sounded smart and not retarded. It does. You know this. I can literally feel my sock squishing and squoshing as I clench my toes and yet I still feel down there and it is bone fuckin' dry. Intense... residual... trip. Not as fun as it sounds, baby.
I hear Sam's voice out there. Who has he been talking to so long? Are they talking about me? Do they know that I'm inside this cell? Can they see through the windows? Can they hear me breathe each breath? Can they hear my heartbeat a desperate jogging beat, or, can they hear it wheeze back into good shape? Can they hear it start to run when I realize that Sam would never betray me, or, Sam would never talk about me like that, he's my brother? Ah, a calm heartbeat is an UNJUSTLY underrated process. I... feel as if I started with a.. completely different topic and somehow transcended downwards to about five different topics. Holy snail turds... Wow dude.
I keep hearing someone laughing behind my door, it's like a creepy.... little kid's voice. Makes the hair rise on the back of my neck and like a tingling sensation on my spine. It's fucking horrifying. And... every time I get stoned, I hear it. I really am fucking nuts, dude. I hear a sudden noise and freeze utterly, of thought, of breath, of any vital body processes, for a fuckin' split second. I think that is what being nuts means.
Shit now it feels like I pissed in my ears. What a day, eh? I have good aim, apparently. Fuckin' mind itself is the dumb part of me man. Oh shit.. I just called myself retarded. And I do it every day. Gets truer every time. Ya know?
Where the FUCK did Sam go?
Spiders under table. Diph reactivated by pot? Oh shit.
Man, the Grim Reaper is a fast, sneaky little motherfucker. Not big and imposing like you'd think. Stealth Reaper. You can only see him if you really look. He makes you pay, he takes what you took, he's mostly in the shadows but not necessarily in the deepest part. He's always all over you and when you look, he's sure to be half-gone. Watch out for the wind whistling off that fuckin' sickle dude. He's coming. I feel it every six months or so, and now's one of those times. One of those days, you know? Fuck me, dude, this sucks. Funny thing is, I saw him sitting on my crotch for a split second. Oh shit...
Okay I'm almost out of the trip zone. It's a high fucking mountain though. Sorry, guys. Into the panic zone. Sounds a lot fucking higher. Haha wow that actually makes sense in six different ways. I'm a genius.
I must be the most retarded genius in the whole fucking world. Durr, I like pickles. No... wait, I don't though. Hmm I like to eat uhhh... pie. Yeah, fuck yeah. :)
My forehead is itchy. I won't tell you why. Because I really don't know the answer to your unasked and now unfortunately unanswered question.
Every guitar strum feels like it blows my hair back like a tornado but... a pleasant tornado. It's possible. I know it's crazy but heh... That's why I love music while I'm stoned. It's unexplainable. It just does amazing things to my mind, both good and bad but mostly neutral.
Man, did you hear there was gonna be a Spider Man 4 movie but without what's his name? Peter Parker? No, the actor dude that played him. Toby something? Yes, anyways, without that no-name bitch, Spider Man sucks. I'll cheat and look up his name, hold on. This is important to me. AHA! I found it. But forgotten it now. Hmm found it. Tobey Maguire. Hell yes.
Dude this chick is gonna let me fuck her in the ass.
I think a limp is your hurt muscles hesitating as they feel the pain and this creates a twitch. And pain never comes in a twitch, it comes in a throb so bone-deep that it forces the muscles to like... tear and this creates the twitch and craziness and effectively invents nervous twitches or seizures. Right?
Lessons by marriage. Unless it's about marriage. Like fucking your half-sister. Unless it's by marriage. Everything leads back to sex, dude. Anything you do for a girl is to fuck them.
Maybe the piss is energy. But then why does the energy manifest itself in my foot, on the balls of my feet really. Well now that I thought about it, I have apparently "pissed my pants" again. Nope bone dry, and yep here comes more. Maybe the piss is seriously energy from my nerve endings that are so sensitive because of the high's lamented detrimental effects.
Play a good song on the tip. Lots of strumming. Use a keen skating pick when you're stroking my tight semi hard against dick.
Dude, I think Lany's gonna let me tap that ass.
Dude my arm was really skeletal right then.
I'm gonn take her virginity and sail it out the window and she's never gonna have it again.
Weed is like a forest fire in your lungs. And Smokey The Bear has done toked...
Also weed is like your mouth was a pool and it has suddenly ran shallow. This is an unpleasant feeling and can only be described as dryness of the mouth. As if cotton swabs had been inserted. Otherwise known as the dreaded cottonmouth affliction.
I am super cashed.
I need music.
My Final Destination army story. Write it, bitch.
Honestly, I'm probably gonna wank it.
Once I'm alone, my room isn't cold or... at least I don't shiver.
Those spikes and plumments in the music you're hearing are scared stoners turning the sound down jumpily for one second and then turning them up very quickly a split second later to avoid sounding suspicious.
Headaches are like a convincing replacement of having some sort of a head fracture.
Jason Brilz was robbed. Mike Russow knocked Todd Duffee out cold. Bisping edged out a decision over a motherfucking can, I thought this was a breaking news show. Rashad laid on an opponent to win an important fight in a boring fashion? Come on guys, some breaking news HAS to be shown here first at least. A typical UFC event, the expected things happened and just the right tiny amount of the unexpected to hype us for the next one. That's the way we dull men like it.
The spot is at the bottom ridge of the head and the spot below. Lead on with deft, strumming fingers.
Self aware, please don't stare.
LATER------
Are you sure we're supposed to be allowing incest to enter through our mandibles?
I meant incense.
I got service, dude.
It's like Flubber's in my throat, and he's riding a roach bug train. Something with a hard exterior shell, anyway.
My tongue feels exhausted and it's too weary to think of ways to move.
You can't think like me at this moment. You're not herbally inclined. You've been herbally declined.
I started to go out the door to talk to Sam and Donny and act unstoned and... then I decided this was not a good idea and I turned back around.
I wanna feel into that trench.
I'm walking and my right Achilles tendon is flopping and hurt like a bitch. It's Flopplegopple, guys.
I knocked my Sprite over.
If you don't focus on stuff, you don't panic. Just let it all flow and it's... amazing. Oh god it's like a mega fucking high. It's complete.
I'm floating into bliss, baby.
I feel like a drunk boxer named Tony or a gangster named Rocky. Who cares which?
My head's like a slab of concrete.
I love waffles.
IU;n retarded. Haha. msdaud. I typed that so slowly that I almost died.
I always let myself sink too deep, dude. And I drown, man. I drown in sorrow, man. And misery you're killing me... You just gotta stop dude. Thank you for breaking me, I can't forgive you for never thanking me, so thank you for being a bitch. You fucking bitch.
Memories can slay your brain.
Antoni Hardonk always reminded me of an ostrich.
I hear things different than they are.
First round we kept exchanging with me landing hooks and trying submissions from the bottom. Sam rocked me with a big right hand. I also landed some good ground and pound. Sam almost had a RNC too. Second round I was outstriking Sam with big left hooks once again and any time I started throwing big rights he'd capitalize and fuck me up and he rocked me again and this time he followed it up with a left to the jaw and knocked me out.
I tried to brawl with him and it was epic back and forth warriors, but he knocked me out with a right hook. I felt drunk during it but oh well. Probably from punches.
The first round was fucking amazing with me starting out strong landing left hooks and leg kicks and I dropped him once. We stood and I started to slow down a bit and he was fucking me up. He had me down on the ground a lot defending subs, he was. Then we were exchanging hard to end the round and he knocked me out at the last second as I leaned in wildly for a body shot with a right hook.
All of those above fights were Hardonk vs. Duffee.
First round he caught me a lot and dropped me twice and I was trying to fight evasively using my kicks to keep the distance so I could regain my breath. He eventually knocked me out with a left hook.
Now we move on to Gonzaga vs. Struve.
Struve started to outstrike Gonzaga really quickly and amazing everyone. He was sloppy but he fought tall and long and Gonzaga couldn't seem to figure him out. Gonzaga was fighting on his back foot, backing up constantly while Struve pressured him. Gonzaga started to put together counter combinations and landed a Superman punch out of nowhere that rocked Struve hardcore and he was backed up into the fence covering up as Gonzaga threw everything but the kitchen sink right at him. Headkicks, leg kicks, body kicks, knees to the body, knees to the arms, flying knees to both, uppercuts, and then Struve shot forward and got a body lack drag right on top into half-guard. He passed to side control and then mounted quickly and was trying to recover. Gonzaga gave up his back and Struve pounded in under. Gonzaga was gassed badly from his flurry earlier. Gonzaga managed to escape and stand. He began to throw repeated Superman punches at Struve from medium distance, catching Struve with an astounding eight Superman punches in a row. Three more missed afterwards before Struve shot forward and got another body lock hug tug on top to half-guard. Gonzaga immediately slapped on a tight kimura and Struve was fighting it hard, but it looked gnarly. Struve stood out of it and they circled. Struve's corner was telling his wife that the fight wasn't going to be over for a bit, he couldn't call her back for a bit. And then suddenly Gonzaga lands a right hook and drops him out cold sideways. Struve's wife is told that she can call after he's out of the hospital.
I feel alone, so alone, why can't anyone remember that I'm gone? Don't they care? I thought they cared. Oh god no one even noticed that I'm absent. Isn't it shitty when your best friend can't even react to never seeing you again?
My tooth is hollow, it's like a dirtbike dip-and-jump from the X Games.
I have a massive confusion. Contusion.
I felt like there was no reason for a continuation, because I feel lost and I feel doomed and I feel separated from everything I thought dear. I wish you were here, I miss you so very so, where did you go? Away? To this very day, I can't remember what I said to make you hate me. Whatever it was or whatever you thought I meant, I'm sorry because I didn't mean to break your heart, mine doesn't really matter. Yours does because I wish it were mine, but it's not and it's his and that bites. I wish I could let go, I wish I could cry, I wish you never had to say goodbye. But that's life and that's love and that's hate, just let it go, it's not too late to relate.
I tell false lies to fall guys and true truths to hot chicks. Because that's dope.
Better finish this boal. Bowl, perhaps. Boala constrictor. Boal n' arrows. Boala ball.
Creepy laughter again, it's quite demonic. I imagine like a black and white grainy TV picture of the kid. It's like from the '50s. I wonder if it's a legit ghost, yo. Not like Casper or Patrick Swayze. Dear god, there was an epic five-minute exhausting struggle in my brain to remember Swayze's fucking name. What a pair of assholes. His parents.
A Sprite fight would be interesting. Sprite Fight Night. Sprite right? Sprite tight? Sprite height. Spright night. Sprite light. Sprite kite. Sprite mite. Sprite white. Sprite bite. Sprite sight. Sprite site. Spright bright, took me a while for that one. Sprite fright, fuck yeah. Sprite plight, Sprite slight. Sprite flight. Sprite delight, that's a good one.
Oh Santa Claaaaaus is a fat fuck. Imagine that in a Viking voice and thank me for blowing your mind. That'll be two dollas for the sucky sucky.
The words are marching to a cadence, their own. Their own, but not alone.
A dog can't park on a busy street, if it does it better have some quick fucking feet.
Rocky High! Rocky High! Rocky High! Go Rocky Creek! Shut up, Tony Hawk.
I'm gonna watch that movie now. That's my main goal of today.
The more I see this sight, I can't turn and look away. The more I see your eyes, my heart starts beating the right way.
It's roasted... It's fucking roadkill. Get over it.
Stoners can instantly spot specific words within words. Like sorrowl. I don't see it as sorr-owl like you guys. I see it as sorrow with an awkward L on the end.
That's right, you too, Mr. Preffoensen. Looked it up on Google, that damn does not exist. Let me try again. Mr. Longit Udness. Ah it brought up longitudinal distribution. This computer's on to me. Let's keep going. Muscula Rapid. Apparently Duchenne's muscular dystrophy is a rapid progressive muscle wasting disease. Let's keep going. Mrs. Californiz. Apparently we couldn't have had more fun without the ladies of Miss California USA because they were there at the Falcon that past Saturday. Beating Histrophy. Rafael Nadal bit his trophy after beating his compatriot in a tennis match. Warmity Cakybder eh? Try fewer keywords or more general keywords. Mime ikt our. If you've never made out before, you might want to read How To Make Out For The First Time. He climb. Look it up, bitch. See? Teen climber Romero's father immediately started training him for Mount Kilimanjaro. Sorrowl. Sorrow is a deep distress or sadness in a momentary Gaza. Squuezs. A squeezebox is a trick-taking card, it'll go on sale this Thursday. IM[ACT/. I didn't let go. It's the programming language for our clients and schools, just get real and toke that confidence. MUJS;A dICK.
hAHAHA. LOVE YOU KRISTI. I LOVE YOU KRISTI. I PROMISE.I OULD DO ANYTHING FO YOU. SO PLEASE DO THIS FOR ME. KILLL ME. PLEASE JUWST KILL ME. I HATE THIS. MY NECK HURTS ALL THE TUME. CAN'T SEE PEOEPELE WKTHIOUT ORDERS FROM THAT NONE GUY IN THE BRIDGE ADAROM. I MISSS YOU KRISTI. LOVE YOU, STI. HTAT'S ONLY WORD I CNA SPELL GOOD.
SOMEONE HA TO HELP ME. BECAUSE I CAN'T MOVE. I'M PARALUZED. OH FUCK PLEASE HELP. I'M STUCK IN THE RIDGE. WITHOUT COVER I'M GONNA GET SHOT. THEY'RE EVERYWHERE/ LET EMA GOCCOME IN THE SIDE OF THE MAP AND THE NORTH EDGE OF THE VINE. B;OW THE DOME AND LET IT LAST. LET IT GO.
I freaked out a bit there. I'll acknowledge that. My hip is taking over the freaking out portion of this tour. Wooow, rawr.
Wow my reaction time is for shit but it really isn't.
Mmmm mushroom is good.
We'll whip football, soccer, baseball's ass.
Green ice cream tastes green. Thanks, Al Gore.
JUNE 4
I have a sudden craving for pizza. I taste it. This craving.
My stomach just croaked like a froggie doggie. Ribbit. Frog, not a frog dog. Hey that rhymes too.
Wouldn't it be cool to see stuff in like a cartoonish manner?
There's something in the ceiling. Slithering. Hoping to catch me off-guard late one night.
I don't want to search for things that I have already found. If they're lost, they aren't worth finding.
Silhouettes are scary. Flashing little silhouettes.
My mind is incandescantly strobing.
Candles don't really fall far from the apple tree.
Light my wick, baby suck my dick.
JUNE 10
The past is never present without the gaze of wilderness, and wilderness be wilder, toys we played with, childhood hurts. It hurts and aches, the pain away it takes me, on a journey to nothing less wilder than wilderness beneath the gazing tree. It gazes at me, at my heart, you open it up and I saw her there, kneeling praying to every God above, when pushing the limits, push comes to shove. Shoving down into the darkness, can't spring eternal from this haunting hope of what comes whatever comes what never may come true, it's you, down into the darkness, we will stay here beneath... the gazing tree. A tethered breath, can't breathe too shallow, breaths come and never leave, they stay in and you I shall recieve, deep beneath the roots, down into the dark well of silence, never true, every lie from you, I broke the barrier and now I'm in the light. You can't see me, you're still buried with your head way up inside, take a sniff you smell like shit, fucking brown-nosing little taddletale bitch, I'll skin you alive and feed you to my dog, bitch. You want to talk some punishment? Fuck you, punk bitch. I'll fuck you up so bad you gonna be bent over to suck your own cock, you fucking cocksucker.
Was that good? 'Tis deep? Dat true. Yeah hell right, nigga what-what? Skank shiznilificanbandanualitynater, you can't sing unless you're not a skater, you're a blinged-up hater, what the fuck you talkin' bout you fucking motherfucking bitch. With your fucking earrings, you look like Beyonce, ain't gonna be hot like they want from a real guy, what they want in they behind, you can't get wit it or split it, split they wigs instead with a monsta .45 caliber round, fuck 'em up son, hit 'em real hard, make 'em scream sun, make 'em bust they headlight. Bitch. You got served, wanksta nigga chicken NUGGET.
Genius is created by marijuana, yet it is wasted on the foolish shell of a person that is left behind. The foolish shell of what's left behind, it's wasted. It's all fuckin' wasted, get hiiiiiigh, but it's all fuckin' wasted. Nigga get high with this bitch rolling fifteen deep, nigga hit it hard nigga hit it wet nigga hit it big and bust that pussy raw hard.
I hear sounds of kids asking for horsie rides. Like.. to a forgotten dad that they'll never truly know? Does that sound weird at all?
I hear a soothing sound. I have long since came to know this sound as the Air Conditioning Unit. Or as we call him, A.C.U. nigga!
My ribs hurt. They chicken-fried ribs, walrus.
I feel ghetto as fuck up in here talkin' shit like I wanna get wit it. Get up and hit it. Spang bang your sister's a sperm bank, you probably hit her in a party smoking dank, you can't tell her from the others, she looks just the same, worn-out fucking face and blam-bla-blam down her pants but that's it, that's all you'll get from it. She smells the same and sounds the same, you ain't gonna look close, just gonna bang her face, so you probably hit her, you deposited the sperm, you a new customer of the sperm bank, yeah bitch. Yeah. So basically what I meant was: your sister's so fucking slutty that... literally everyone has hit it at least once, got down in that pussy hard. Including you. At a party. Probably. See? She's a slut. Better make sure she doesn't have so much sex that she dies. I wanna fuck her one last time though. For the millionth time, bro. Sorry...
Ah the strumming fingers have returned.
Mmm, so warm. :)
There's always fucking previews.
Mmm, sigh.
Thumb action is the best.
Who knew circles were so sexy?
My pants... a furnace has been installed, and it's blazin'.
Drag it across that field, baby. Like a hoe. A rusty-ass hoe, yo.
Mmm, you're so good at that.
Foreplay is criminally underrated.
I almost figured out those birds. They got away this time though. There's always tomorrow, you bet your ass on that.
Back to the song, now. :)
Smiley faces should be used more often. They're a good signal of true emotion, if used by someone responsible and someone... consistent.
Almost dove into Panic Pond. It's not deep, it's just muddy. Need porn to soothe my tired muscles. Or at least one muscle. Oh did you know a dick is a muscle? Nice, right? So basically masturbation is truly a workout, as is sex. It can officially be defined as one. :) 'Where you goin', Tommy?' 'I'm just gonna go work out with Jessica, Mom.' No lies.
The crab technique is good but make it a sprinting, merciless crab. It's more pleasing to the muscles.
Stoner Workouts volume one has ended, turn the tape over to side B for volume two.
Do it like a badass tapdancing marching band with Ted Nugent on the drums playing BASS PEDAL! Yeah! But do it with authorative steps, act like you have a wiener, son.
Do it like a woman making dough, little soft pats on the dough, yeah little soft pats, soft pats, yeah and that's about it, do soft pats, do soft patches of tap and pat, spray the gat, bitch. I mercifully ended it early.
More or less, I think less is more, and more is less. Correct? More money means less imagination, and less money means more inspiration. 	Sooo more equals less and less equals more. See? You catch my wide drift? O.o
You're about to get a show, boys. Might as well go all the way, right? :) Nah. Eh, maybe. :)
Mmm, it's like perfection.
Everything looks pink.
I know how to work it now.
I feel taut. I feel tauty and naughty, baby.
I hope I get to get on.
The computer's even against me, now. Because of this. :( Pleaaase. Where is the love, man? :(
The simple phone is a lifesaver, dude. No shit. It's amazing. :) In remembering the date.
This is educational if I get into financial trouble. :)
Mhm, I'm so superior. You know where I swim with my girl? Where? Lake Superior, dawg. That's for real, now bounce like a bean out of my face.
But I'm so talented at it, though.
You need the code to enter, sir. Your entrance codes are required, sir. So provide them quickly or exit quickly. That's completely up to you which way, but uhh make it up quick. :)
Alone time is really exciting for me and Mini-Me. :)
Britt, I wanted to tell you one of my biggest fantasies about you and me, baby. I want you to come over, looking all pretty like you always do. :) You're so fucking cute, Britt. And your eyes are fucking beautiful. Oh my god, dude, they're fucking heavenly dude. And mmm, kissing you feels so right, man. Anyways I want you to come over looking nice and we can make out, and stuff, hehe. Then I'd really love it if you gave me a blowjob. :) I bet you'd be so good at it, Britt. And after that, I'd love if you'd let me go down on you. :) It may seem gross to you, but that's the biggest turn-on ever, licking a girl down there. Like listening to her moan and squeal and stuff and you're making them do that, it's amazing. I wanna make you cum so hard doing that. And then while you're still horny and ready to fuck hard from that cumming, I wanna fuck you hard. :) But then again, that's just a fantasy.
Spiders are chewing at my aging fossils, ancient muscles, why don't they go away?
Cool that red sawn-off blade.
Okay it's time to seriously begin to masturbate, boy. To Britt's pics? Sure, why not?
Sssh, we're gonna hear you.
Bitch, you can't say shit. I got a video of a dude snoozing on top of your girlfriend after he just got finished fucking her tight cunt dude, so shut the fuck up. How did I know it was tight? I hit it twice and third time's the charm, creamed that smelly taco up nice for ya.
Jenna Jameson is the best pornographic actress in the business. She gets into it -- or appears to get into it -- and the guys fucking love it, and it makes for some naturally great sex on tape. You can tell these are two people who are really enjoying -- or appearing to enjoy -- a rousing, hardcore, pop it till you drop it, fuck session.
Man, we smoked out a Redwall book, nigga. Redwall, nigga. Cluny the Scourge! Slagar the Cruel? A Flag Denied. Soon He Died. The Wise Lied. The Sad Cried. The Tired Sighed. We All Tried. Simply Not Enough. To Stay Satisfied.
I'm getting a workout tonight, eh, slugger? :)
Lacey Duvalle is the kinda slut you wanna get stoned with and have her suck your dick lookin' all stoned and sexy. Lickin' like a lollipop, stoner bitch. She'll love it, cause she's stoned and she's too stupid to care about anything else. The taste disappears at that point, probably.
Mmmm them fat fluffy pillow cushiony pillowy lips. Just wanna cuddle with 'em. With my dick.
Mmm, she's slurping it and kissing it, then licking, yeah.
I didn't take you for granted, you planted these seeds of fear in my enemy's eyes, they're under disguise meaning they can't be seen, better open them eyes and learn to look, to take back what's been taken, what's been took, open your eyes and look. Motherfucker!
You would look good in the morning, carrying a tray with biscuit and gravy on it. Girl, you gawjuss! Them chaujas! Am I speaking Puerto Rican or Vietnamese? It's one of those two accumulations of spoken words.
I'm crusty down there. Crusty crabs. Hey let's make a TV show character with that name, and hey while we're at it, let's make it a kid's show. We rule. Krusty Krabbs! And... we'll have his friend be like... Look around for something to get an idea off of for like.. the sidekick. Shit dude, we're in a kitchen, what are we gonna use for inspiration? Hey I fucking found a sponge. His friend can be a sponge. A fuckin' sponge? Yeah the crabs and the sponge, together! Wait.. Move on. The fuckin' sponge can be like.. Be like... We add a regular name on the end like Jesse, Fred, Spongefred. Nah. Spongejames. Almost right, that would work too but it's just not... right. Oooh. I feel dumb. Spongebob is perfect. Spongejob... What shape is a sponge? Square. Let's make his last name something to do with... uhhh... pants! Spongejob... Squarepants! Spongejob Squarepants dude! Kids are gonna love this. Oh wait, title sounds wrong. Spongebob Squarepants! That works.
I'm squeaky clean for you and me.
He he he. She she she. Me me me. Lee lee lee. See see see. Key key key. Tree tree tree. Flea flea flea. V V V. Pee pee pee.Thee the thee. We we we. Fee fee fee. Flee flee flee.Plea plea plea. Free free free. PhilosophogusNAMEKrex!
I am of a significant regard towards you. Means we're cool, playa.
I spit, you swallow.
I swallow.
Snores are an earthquake in your throat.
See, bitch?
I missed the rain.
But I'm tempted to miss the mist.
Yo, sweata!
What you be beefin', my bro? (person leaves)
Nigga please, give a quarter his quartet.
My name's Alex Butch. (Sounds like a porn name. Smiley face.) I like them camels. And their toes. (I'm not much into cameltoes, but I respect your choice.) Well they can be good at times, because that mess is tight, dude. (see that's what i've heard, but try anal sometime, you might be impressed) Man, you think I haven't gotten up in someone's ass already? You think i ain't ridden the hershey highway, negro? (No, I think you haven't tried MINE.) Oh, that's some tight chocolate? (I squeeze tighter than an open beer bottle, and make men pop like warm champagne..) Wait, are you a chick? (Well no, but you didn't ask. :D) Oh true, I guess cause I didn't care. (See? That's the right attitude. Smiley face.) How so? (A hole is a hole is a hole.) Truest fucking words ever. (Amen.) Dude, that's deep right there. Tight AND deep in the same conversation. Nice.) Very nice, you're talented, man. (We're just missing the exciting climax...) Rubbing? (Prefer pounding.) Clever, clever. Smiley face. (XD. Clever but also very flexible. And I can take a beating.) Is that so? (Question is, if you can give one to me.) I could. Smiley face. (Hard?) Just hard enough. (Don't hold back... I won't break). Damn right, man. Smiley face. So you want me to pound your ass? (Real hard). Hmm, how hard again? (Harder!) This is as hard as it gets. (*sigh* My Internet connection is softening the blow. Sad face) Well that's a shame. Smiley face. (Yeah - the dangers of cyber...) True that. But you'd like to really get pounded? Dude left.
Is it wabbit season?
Could be both, baby.
Do you partake in steroids? Dude left.
Are you a virgin? (Yes.) Is that enough satisfaction though, with only your hand to fuck? (No.) Then why not graduate to pussy? Or if you're a girl, dick. (Well, I haven't been with my girlfriend that long.) That's understandable dude. But I'm sure she wants to satisfy you, with her pussy, dude. (ya im more the less sure about that to) Then do the deed, dude, the dirty deed, dude. (It's not dirty if you think it's right. Smiley face.) Damn straight, dude. Damn straight. I still wanna hit up a pussy some moonlight run, though. (lkgglkadhg,ka) Dude left.
You need to understand, the cheese have invaded my colons. Dude left.
Maybe you should sleep with me. (Maybe I should.) It's a good idea, baby. (Oh yeah? How so?) A girl doesn't leave my bed unsatisfied. (Hmmm... That's a bold claim.) And I can back it up, too. With my dick! (Well that's good I suppose. 'Walk softly and carry a big stick' kind of thing? :P) You could say that, I suppose. I'm just quietly confident. (Yeah, we love that.) For real? (Well, women like confident men in general. Which is why we will sleep with guys who are pretty much assholes.) That actually makes sense though. (Sure). So I guess my confidence really is a fucking great thing. (Yeah, but that opening line will get you slapped at least 40% of the time. :) ) What opening line? ('Maybe you should sleep with me.') Hey, it might work. (Hey, I bet it does at least a few times. 2 A.M., girls are pretty drunk, you roll up with that... Who knows?) True, girls are fucking unpredictable, dude. You can't forecast the pussy. (See, that's what's good about being a woman. When we want sex, it's never hard to find. Men are predictable.) That's true, man. We suck and the girls actually use US. We don't play them. They play us. (Well, I'm of the female persuasion, sooo... I play you. Yes.) That's true, but I can pretend like I'm playing you. (Ha. Sure. If it makes you feel better. :P) It'll make me feel more dominant. (Oh yeah, is that a necessity of male sexuality?) Well, it can be most times. (You think it's a defining feature?) I think so, yes. Males are definitively dominant. (Hmm. Interesting. What does that make a dominant woman? A man?) Perhaps in her attitude, yes. That's why most dominant women are lesbians. (That seems like an overgeneralization.) Fuck those big words, it is what it is. (You think most sexually dominant women are lesbians? Is that a consequence of the fact that women are EASIER to dominate?) It definitely is. Women can be dominated with the snap of my fingers. (But which comes first? Do women become sexually dominant and look for someone (i.e. women) to dominate? Or do some lesbians realize they CAN dominate, and then do?) They see the easier targets as straight women, who can be converted to being lesbians. (So you believe the dominance underlies.) Being able to dominate both sexes is pretty dominant. (That statement doesn't even make sense.) Dude left.
Man, these chips are fucking more than good, they're GREAT!
Why does it get all blurry when I see you cry?
You're so redundant and dumb, my mind is fragile and numb, can't think what to do, there's nothing to prove, if we're all dangling loose.
I smell just like you chewed me up and spit me out, I feel like shit, the taste is bitter, the sight horrifying, you chewed me up and spit me out, and I feel broken up and scattered to the wind. Yeah yeah, and all I ever wanted you to say was I love you too.
(Are you hot?) I don't think so, other people do.
That was some good shit, dawg.
You better have more to say after it's over and done with.
A process is so long on weed. Or it appears so long. It like controls time. You control time while high. Or you percieve to control time while high. Endless exploration of the human pysche.
Dude, it won't let me on unranked. This is messed up, Caesar my pet.
I have priority status in this here engagement.
That's what's up, beachnizzle.
They're under the door, dude.
I play better stoned.
I'm gonna jack off now. :)
If jacking off was a sport, I'd be the Super Lightweight Champion of the World, dude.
I like dem boobs.
I think Ace Bandage knocks the old outta Chucky Lydell.
Pretend like it's someone else's and go at it.
What could an orange stain possibly mean?
A blue panther would make no sense whatsoever.
A rousing game of backgammon might strike my fancy. Pose.
BJ didn't call Josh Koscheck. He must have been riding BJ's mind.
Even your daughter broke your heart long ago, Scrooge buddy.
(I wanna be the very best! Like no one ever was!) To catch them is my real test. To train them is my cauuuuuse. (I will travel across the land.) Searching far and wide. (Each Pokemon to understand.) The power that's insiiiiide. (Pokemon! Gotta catch 'em!) It's you and me! Now you know it's my destinyyyyy! Pokemon! Oh you're my best friend, in a world we must defeeeeeend. POKEMON! Did I do that right? (Fuck yeah.) Fuck yeah, dude. I'm stoned, dude.
(What's the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and her vagina?) One smells better? (Only one retarded thing came out of her vagina.) Ooooooh snap, son! Fuck yeah, man, you got jokes. Mean ones, dude.
Are you a nigger? (Not really.) Oh, how can you not really be a nigger? (I'm in my head, haha.) Pfft, nah dude. You gotta be a nigger, with both body and soul, player. (I beat niggers!) So? I smoke ciggers. (Smoking weed's better.) Yeah, that's why I'm toked right now, dude. (Good.) Why is that good? (Fuck.) Dude left.
Hmm? (I don't know. I must consider this. For a moment.) Indeed. Do you like stickers? (They're okay.) Too sticky, dude. (Haha. Okay.) Go on, man. (I dunno.) Dude left.
Dude, Iraq sucks. (Dude, I know.) Dude. (Yes, dude?) That place is awful hot, man. (Pity.) Dude left.
(Sup fag.) Sup fucking fairy bitch. (AVADA KEDAVRA. YOU ARE NOW DEAD. BITCH.)
Everything is wonderful now. Look up that lyric, asap.
Everywhere I look, I see tits and ass, it's a beautiful world we live in.
Hola, senorita. (Fuck you!) Fuck your tortilla. (No, thanks. I prefer in the belly button. Roll my thunder thighs in some hot sauce and lick it off.) What the fuck? You crazy spic. (It'll melt your popsicle. You just wish you could touch my 13+. Instead you're fucking a ruler.) What? Fuck you, you fucking Mexican't. (You MexiCUNT! NARF! Up the butt.) Nerf football?! (NO. FAGGOT.) Bitch. (Love you, too, you shit-sniffing scrotum tickler.) Woah, that was decent, dude. (Hell YEAHH!!!! Better than your non-creative bitch ass.) Man, fuck your face, bitch. (You wish. Ever had nose sex? Yeah, neither have I. Heard it's pretty difficult though, and bloody.) Well, I haven't had ass sex with a man, like you have. (GO SOMERSAULT YOUR DICK INTO YOUR THROAT. Then slap your ass and call me Davie COCKett!) Bitch, you are one crazy motherfucker. Get some help, like a counselor, nigger. (I dont need help, Im get it from your mother while she back up on my 13+.) Good luck with that, dude, every dude from here to Sacramento already hit it. Have fun swimmin' with the crabs and creepy-crawlies up in there. (Thats your own mother theree.. but yummy? Put your dick between two pieces of chicken and call it a ChickenForDICK sandwhich. Fresh from KFC. Kentucky Fucked Cunt.) That doesn't make sense, faggot. (Makes total sense to me.) Of course. You're retarded. (DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT TOTAL!) Okay, I'll talk shit about Angel and Max! (Its time to kick ass an chew bubble gum, and Im all outta gum. And cum.) Sounds like a helluva night. (It was, better than yours with a PlayGirl magazine, a quart of lubiderm, and 20 boxes of Kleenex.) For your information, I use Playboy. (For your information, denial is the first step towards acceptance. So lick that scrotum. Which you already have, I mean. Yeah, you're going to hell for it, but it's whatever.) You're the faggot, dude. (That's like a fifth-grade comeback. Typing kind of slow there. The dick in your bunghole distracting you? Same. Goodnight. Types bunch of crazy garbled shit.) I left.
Dude Revenge of the Vengeful Hornet is a perfect movie title.
Hey, poop on that hornet.
Smokin' with Hitler. Man, this is grade-A Nazi Party secret kush stash, man. I can't even get this shit, and I own the Nazis. This is good shit, man.
Smokin' with Martin Luther King. Well, I had a dream, that white people and black people can--- Hey hey shut up and smoke, dude. Look, I rolled you one with black paper. Satisfied? So picky.
Man, you can overdose on almost anything that appears to be beneficial to your body. Except weed. You literally cannot overdose on weed unless you smoke like fifty-four pounds in one minute. And that is literally impossible. You don't have enough time in a minute to smoke that much of the ganja, dude. You cannot overdose on weed. It is the miracle plant. It really is. I love it, personally. Does everyone else? Damn straight, they do.
The world and weed go together like eight billion and one peas in a pod.
My neck hinge feels rusty and awkward.
Anyone coming through that door with bad intentions towards me is gonna have one terrible fuckin' day. I promise you.
Why navigate the world alone when there's so many out there to party with?
There's nothing left for me here. Might as well die. Alone. A loner, always alone.
It's impossible to jerk off when you're drunk. It truly is.
Weed and K3.... It's like a menthol (weed) compared to a full flavor (K3). One is fucking amazing, and the other... It'll do in a pinch.
Later.
Whenever I see red, it's sure to be said, I see blue. Whenever I see yellow, a stout charming fellow, why do I see green, too? Whenever I see black, with her sweet rack, I see white, but white's pure. Wait, what?
I feel surrounded by bubblies. Bubbles. Bubles.
I always feel like I'm being loud.
Let's celebrate, get on the drums, someone strum a damn guitar! Throw a shindig, for fuck's sake!
Someone shot me in my foot.
I have removed my right shoe after said incident. The suspect has been described as a 'large cat' because the gunshot wound felt like a 'cougar bite'. A spider is suspected as well and is tentatively identified as a regular confidential informant.
I wonder if saber tooth tigers ever had like... lightsaber fights? Lightsaber tooth tigers sounds a lot fucking cooler, you gotta admit, though.
The bite appears to be swelling and throbbing in considerable pain. Oh so we're officially identifying it as a bite now and not a gunshot wound? Oh, thanks for telling me in advance. Ow, another gunshot was reported in the same vicinity. New victim, a few blocks south of the first spider attack in the city. It appears to have been a copycat shooting.
Okay in all seriousness.... my fucking foot is turning black.
Drool is just spit. Have a heart, Eugene! Sounds like a Spongebob line.
I'll leave if I want to, dad!
It would suck if there was a spider that could fucking camouflage itself as like... fucking... dust. Because... Nobody would fucking pay attention to them. Dust is fucking boring... until it bites you suddenly inserting a sufficient quantity of paralyzing and oxiding venom into one of the toes on your right foot.
It would suck if there was a spider that could fucking camouflage itself as like.. a fucking... ant. Because... like.. they'd.. not go hungry that often if they could. Because ants are fucking pigs, dude. Ya know?
It would suck if there was a spider that could fucking fly.... Because... Then it'd... fucking... Get caught in a rainstorm or something. Spiders can't swim man. What would he do then? Fly out of the all-inclusive range of the deadly cannonade that is the massive raindrops? I think not. I think it's not...damn...likely, guys.
It would suck if there was a spider that could fucking dance. Because no one likes a smartass. Think of that. A spider bites you, and then dances being a fucking dick gloating about the fact that you're fucking dying, dude. That would suck. No... one... likes... a... smartass. Fucking spider smartass, let's take this outside! Gladly?! I think not! You will leave this sadly if you think you'll come out gladly! Sweet rhyme, representin' the ... the rep of the 'nilla-faces.
It would suck if there was a spider that could fucking die. Oh wait, that wouldn't suck! My bad. I'm glad that all spiders can fucking die relatively easily. With a smush of a fucking size-nine boot heel or something. Like... Those boots are too fucking big to wear, get real. You keep them around to pick up and smash the fucking bloodsucking life out of a spider at any given moment, am I right? Come on, now.
It would suck if there was a spider that could fucking smoke? Because I've never smoked with someone that didn't turn out to be a damn fine motherfucker by the third bowl, nigga. I love spiders after about the third bowl, nigga. Man, you wanna spend the night and do this tomorrow, Mr. Tarantula-rini? Woah I tripped out inventing that name. Sweeeeeet.
I thought I saw Donald Rumsfeld.
Now I've been bitten on that same right foot, right about the part where... the foot ends and the big toe begins. I think that's actually a twitch. Wow. Let me ignore the DULL FUCKING ACHE in my right-side middle and side left forearm. Ow, god it's swollen right there too. And the arm doesn't control right, from that point. It's... touchy. And when I twist it hard to the left.. it crunches and hurts bad. Oh god, what if it's broken? :( Oh god... Eh hey look an ice cream cone. That was a genuine bipolar shift. The more you know. Join us next weekend for more.
There's that damn Rumsfeld again. He's stalking me, I tell you.
He's gone for now. He's usually that Sprite bottle sitting by the Xbox. It looks innocent but you gotta remember... That's not a Sprite bottle sitting there innocently, it's a masked Donald Rumsfeld about to lunge at you with a knife. I know, it's an extremely disturbing image.
My foot is shrivelling up like a piece of stray garbage in a campfire. And everyone treats all of my pain like that piece of garbage. :(
My knee aches too, but it's been identified as a 'bruise ache'.
That spider I'm hallucinating perched on my toenail better fuck off back to Iceland or I'm taking off my belt.. 1...2... I'm not kidding, young man. 3! That's right, you better run. You fucking whore.
I've got the Limpneck Ostrich Lean going. Like the Detroit Lean? Niggers.
I'm born to win decisions.
This is my time. Of inspiration. And glory. To fashion something from nothing, you have to have something to give.
I was born to indecision and suffering crazed verses, would they have cared if I had died? they said they did, can't tell if it's the truth or they lied.
Hmmm.. that was scary. Shit. Nevermind. I got completely insanely irrational for a second. Heeheehee. Whispery blowing hair. Use that.
Hmm, that piece of paper that flew by my head? Who threw it? It's laying there, and it wasn't there before. Hmm I guess that it's... Oh god-damn it, Rumsfeld, get the fuck away! Yeah you better run! You fucking bastard, I hope you die! Seriously though man, stop running with the knife. Stop! Halt! Cease! Decist! Everything's alright.
The light glancing off the keyboard looks like a spider crawling lightning-fast. Here...comes...Spiderman..and..Spideypig. And a zombie version of Ronald Rumsfeld. Donald Chumsfeld. No I got it half-right, it's motha...fuckin'.... Donald Rumsfeld. Was I right?
Footsteps aren't a nice thing. Who invented them? Those guys in the Bone-Thugs-N-Harmony videos.
What are you pointing at, Smokey? A pipe? Oh the drain pipe. Don't get my hopes up like that, Smokey! (Smokey is his pet squirrel... He rants to it...There was never a squirrel.
Hmm, I just came up with a vivid mental video of a zombie version of Claire Danes square dancing with a vampire version of Tom Hanks. That's pretty fucking fucked up. I mean, for you guys, it is. To me, it's a sign of my genius. You guys can call it insane if you want. I've recently decided I'm fucking grateful for it. It's such an amazing life compared to yours. :)
Wow, I never knew an ice cream man could be so.... unintimidating? Oops, yeah I did. This guy looks... like a wimp. Oh wait, fuck! That's just wrong in so many ways. He's going postal! He's icing the creamy! I scream for ice cream. Fucking literally, dude.
Hmmm, I never knew Kenny Loggins had such a nice shotgun.
And Seth Green has a killer fucking Jesus beard.
Okay, The Incredibles. Now get out of my head, you hypnotizing turtle-thing.
Good, I'm satisfied. It's in the shallows now. Can't radiate any controlling waves, my pet Silas. Great Silas' Ghost, I have committed a ludicrous offense... These pants.. They aren't right for me. I'm.... Too sexy for these pants, too sexy for this shirt, too sexy for your touch, or your looks, especially your bod. I'm too sexy for this life... Wait... You're right. Might as well jump off the cliff... I'm too sexy to live. It's improbable. Jumping.. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhsexy. Splat. Waaah waaaah waaah. With a cartoony splat effect and trumpets, seriously. I didn't? I did.
Dude oh god. So.. so... I thought someone was blowing in my ear, it was oddly disturbing. So I stood up, and that transitioned to the possibility that a snake was afoot. I thought for like five minutes that a snake was in my room, five minutes of bone-chilling paranoid hysterical terror, and then I forced myself to realize that a snake was not in my fucking room, you know? And--- AHHHHH! HELP ME! ARRGH! Asnakejustattackedmefuck!
My back hurts. Isaiah is a fat dude.
A zombie Derek Jeter opens the door for a zombie Nate Marquardt.
A ghostly Dennis Hopper merrily greets Donald Trump and they stroll into mist as old friends calm and content. O.o
Two golfers staring up at the sun. They know it's gonna be above that golf field all day faithfully, and they know they're gonna be under it all day just as faithfully.
A gray-haired Jack Dempsey casts a worried glance towards Bill Cosby.
Children play into the mystery.
A yellow-toothed Santa Claus grits his teeth and sends a punch towards Oprah Winfrey. (Literal pictures.)
Where you going for tomorrow, I see misery in your memory. I feel my lungs about to collapse, these bedroom walls always shaking, making me go wild for you, baby.
Fuck off, snake. Go get laid.
Denis Leary sneers disdainfully in the direction of George Clooney.
Denis Leary (a very expression-savvy guy) snorts in derision at a puzzled piece of Adam Sandler's face.
Let the fuckin' British come, at least we have better dentists.
Who was it that made me into me? Was it me, was it you, was it someone out of the blue? I just wanna know, I wanna connect the right dots, I want to know if someone could be mine in time. Be mine true in heart and soul, pain ain't easy, it's just hard toll, dragging a heavy burden... behiiiiiind.. it. Be mine.... Stop the rain....
Ah, that comforting hum of the A.C.U. again, nigga. He's becoming a regular at this party, ain't he?
A sniggering Gary Busey whispering in the ear of an impatient-looking Roseanne Arnold... or Barr.. or whatever the fat bitch's name is. Barrnold. She needs a fucking nametag on that ample chest. (Be real literal. You know? Patch of dust where a nametag should be?)
A determined Officer C. Thomas Howell aims a handgun towards an 'unsuspecting' Chuck Liddell.
Jack Black aims a hefty kick towards the groin of a belligerent Chris Rock.
Sara Gilbert waves goodbye to a pregnant Kurt Cobain.
Tom Arnold dances happily with Sharon Stone.
Mike Swick makes out with Dan Lauzon. Wait, what?
George Clooney sends a plate of tuna fish over towards Fran Drescher.
Shut the fuck up, Rumsfeld.
George Bush surfs the web, accompanied by Marlon Brando and Ron van Clief.
The Easter Bunny smokes a bowl with Pikachu and Goku.
Eric Schambari likes to pound his meat into Kazushi Sakuraba...
Tom Clancy swims down to save a motorboating B.J. Penn.
Stephen King reads quietly sitting next to Kate Hudson, who by the way looks ravishing in that hot fucking outfit.
The dark is sludge.
Spencer Fisher fishing with Caol Uno and Fisher has hooked a fish: Uno's face. Accidentally, of course.
A flushed chiropractor preparing a table for the Pope at the local wine-and-dine joint.
A thief sneaking silently down the hallway. Unbeknowst to him, around the next corner waits Arnold Schwarzenegger. With a baseball bat? No. Bare fists. You are fucked.
A witch screams in pain as a bald Jackie Chan makes waffles with Snoop Dogg.
Samuel L. Jackson swims with sharks, accompanied by Tom Delonge.
Stop looking this way, Bernie Mac.
Who the fuck are you, Chance, for real?
Snoop Dogg lookin' fresh and tight. Nice hairstyle! (Hint for the retard in the back: It's a hairstyle shaved into like.. a pussy, dude. Yeah.. Don't you feel gay right now, you fucking pasty-faced faggot.)
Georges St. Pierre is secretly the biggest fan of the Jonas Brothers.
Miley Cyrus looking at nude photos of Johnny Cash on the computer, while Amanda Bynes walks in looking shocked.
Hey. You were bullshitting about the real voices. I'm the real voices. You wanna come see me? No? Then back the fuck off or you're gonna be getting another call from me. See you soon. I'll miss you. Oh that was the hiss.
A zombie kid piercing his eyeball.
A zombie football player with his face mainly decayed, a fading eyeball, torn uniform with one shoulderpad completely missing and the other ripped to rags by shrapnel from a shotgun blast. His helmet is half on, smeared with various long-dried stains. Blood, maggot juice, mud, ashes, grass, and somehow the nub of a badly rotten human finger had been lodged in perfectly through the faceguard, pointing at what remained of his fading eyeball.
Hammortree-Camozzi. They come out and don't even touch gloves, they're just instantly fucking focused. They both go for the shot about a minute in after circling and exchanging probing shots for the first minute, they cancel each other out up to the clinch, they break after about twenty or so seconds and circle out. Hammortree pushes forward but eats a stiff counter jab from Camozzi. That rung his bell and he backed off for a moment. Camozzi noticed and kept stepping forward, taking the momentum as it came. He landed a thudding leg kick, and another to the inside of the same leg of Hammortree. He was taking the opposite strategy of Johnny Appleseed. He was trying to chop down them tree trunks. Hammortree didn't seem unduly fazed. He replied with an overhand right, clipping Camozzi and stunning him momentarily. Hammortree bulled forward and tried for a double-leg. Camozzi was defending showing good hips. Hammortree settled for double underhooks against the cage and he looked up at the clock. Two thirty-five remaining. Camozzi landed a good elbow inside. Hammortree didn't like that and he backed off, blocking an additional left hook. Camozzi appeared to be the fresher of the two fighters. Hammortree wasn't gassed, but he wasn't exactly chipper any longer. Camozzi pressed forward with a probing double jab and a missed left hook. Hammortree replied with another overhand right that whooshed past Camozzi's head by a mile and Camozzi replied with a knee to the body. They circled out after the lightning-fast exchange. Hammortree looked at the clock again. Forty-five remaining. A relatively boring, slow-paced round. Hammortree tried a high kick for a change and Camozzi blocked it and shot in for a single-leg moments later. Hammortree defended to the cage and up to the clinch. Camozzi landed another good elbow in the clinch and broke with a good right hand and another elbow and the crowd roared. They circled out and nothing much happened for the last fifteen seconds remaining. The first round came to an end. Hammortree went back to his corner. 'You gotta pour it on a little more out there. He hasn't taken your best shots yet and he was rocked," he was told. He nodded tensely, keeping his eyes locked across the Octagon at Camozzi. "Keep working him on the feet. If you see the shot, take it, but... otherwise, you're doing perfect, baby," Camozzi was told.
The second round began and Hammortree was hanging back a little regardless. Camozzi seemed to be sizing him up still, with the size and reach disadvantage being a bit... out there, I'm sure. Hammortree missed another looping overhand right and Camozzi tagged him with a quick left hand and then a right. Hammortree just absorbed it, but it wasn't as if he loved it. Only after he'd eaten the pair of power shots directly on his jaw, Hammortree covered up and circled to his left. Camozzi landed another leg kick. Hammortree just didn't seem to be stepping up to the plate. Camozzi stepped forward and missed a straight right and landed another good knee to the body. Hammortree capitalized, picking Camozzi up above his head with a high single leg and slamming him hard into side control. The crowd roared at the gravity-defying ragdolling that they had just witnessed. Camozzi quickly regained half-guard, however. Hammortree suddenly became an active fighter on the ground. He landed a good elbow and then a hammerfist. Camozzi replied from the bottom with a few punches himself. Hammortree landed a hammerfist. Hammortree wanted to mount, but Camozzi wasn't having that. Hammortree landed a few thudding body shots and Camozzi managed to block an elbow. Three thirty-five. The crowd was calming down a bit, now. Camozzi retained guard nicely. Camozzi blocked another elbow. He was controlling one of Hammortree's arms. Camozzi threw up an armbar attempt, Hammortree avoided and stood and Camozzi took the oppurtunity to stand as well. Both fighters circled, taking deep breaths to prepare for any necessary explosion as their eyes locked once more. Camozzi pressed forward with a missed right hand but a lightning-quick left hook connected directly onto Hammortree's chin. He folded like a lawnchair. Camozzi was all over him, and he had the back. Referee Yves Lavigne was all over it, ready to stop it. The crowd was roaring. Camozzi was struggling to get the hooks in. Hammortree turned out and he turtled up by the fence. He must have been out for four or five seconds, at least. Not much going on now, and the crowd has calmed once more. Just turned three minutes left. Hammortree finally stood like ten seconds later trying a single-leg in the clinch. Camozzi was defending easily and they broke apart. Hammortree pressed forward but he couldn't find Camozzi. Camozzi was fresher. They circled. The crowd began to boo. Camozzi landed a hard thudding leg kick. Hammortree winced. He backed off. He shot in desperately for a single-leg and Camozzi stuffed it and sprawled and turtled Hammortree up again. Not much going on down there. Yves decided it was time to stand them up and he warned Camozzi for grabbing the shorts, for some reason. Camozzi nodded. They reset and continued. Hammortree landed a jab right off the bat that caught Camozzi stiffly. He shot in for another telegraphed single-leg and Camozzi defended it up and into the clinch. Hammortree was doing just enough to keep his dominat position in the clinch, landing knees to the inner thigh without much behind them and love-tap elbows to the thigh as well. Two minutes left.. Oh and sometimes he would throw a body shot. Wow, right? Yves finally broke them up as the crowd drenched the Octagon on in a flurry of boos. Drunken meatheads. The fighters circled, not finding the range apparently. One twenty left. Hammortree missed a one-two and then landed a rare leg kick. He shot forward for another double, with renewed vigor, he added a trip to the leg of Camozzi as well and he got the takedown along the fence, and Camozzi quickly managed to pull half-guard in the brief scramble that ensued. He regained full guard relatively quickly. Not much going on. Thirty-five seconds as Yves decided to stand them up, again. Camozzi's corner were shouting themselves hoarse for Camozzi to capitalize on Hammortree's allegedly inferior gas tank. They wanted a finish. Camozzi was trying to hunt him down. Hammortree initiated another clinch desperately with about fifteen seconds left, forcing Camozzi against the cage leaning his weight against him. He worked for a single-leg attempt finally, but he ran out of time as the second round ended. Hammortree was exhausted in his corner, sprawled over the stool. His corner told him "Go for the takedown. Elbows, elbows, elbows." Camozzi's corner told him simply "Keep up the good work. You're ahead on the scorecards. It's too risky to keep trying to tag him with everything but the kitchen sink, Chrissy."
The third round began. They came out slowly. Hammortree was trying to find the range, pumping a jab. He slipped a left hook nicely, and smiled. Hammortree was drenched in sweat, and he looked dead on his feet. Camozzi landed a hard inside leg kick, working on the back leg now. Hammortree shot in for another single and he really pressed hard for it, Camozzi was defending well hopping on one leg really, Hammortree bulled forward expending a tremendous amount of energy, slamming Camozzi hard and he passed out to side control instantly. Four minutes.. Hammortree was raking his elbow across Camozzi's face. He landed a short elbow and another. He raked the elbow some more. He landed another short, razor-sharp elbow and Camozzi was cut. A small cut on the bridge of his nose, nothing to be excited or worried about. Hammortree went knee on belly and he was looking to mount. Camozzi kicked him off and managed to stand and they circled out wisely to gain more space. Camozzi missed a wide looping right hand and Hammortree replied with a pretty good right himself that caught Camozzi flush to the nose and he went stumbling backwards to the fence and Hammortree pursued him and worked for a double, putting Camozzi down into half-guard quickly. Some people in the crowd began chanting "Hammortree" for the first time. Three thirty-five.. Hammortree landed a good hammerfist and a few body shots and another pair of hammerfists. Camozzi was trying to regain guard and he managed to get the butterflies in at least. He got back to guard with them momentarily before Hammortree managed to bull back through into half-guard. Now, Camozzi was breathing just as hard as Hammortree had been the entire fight. Hammortree landed a hard elbow. Hammortree, in comparison, was gasping for breath but he still looked focused while Camozzi did not. That right hand might have hurt him more than I thought. Camozzi managed to block another elbow and he was struggling to control Hammortree's posture. Three fifteen. He somehow managed to regain guard. Hammortree was looking to posture up, but he was exhausted. He avoided a half-hearted armbar attempt and stood out of the guard and Camozzi took the oppurtunity presented and got up as well. They exchanged with Camozzi missing a right hand and blocking a left hook quickly, but Hammortree had already thrown the left hook and was ducking under the right hand shooting in for a double-leg. Camozzi didn't even really see it coming and Hammortree hit him like a football tackle and slammed him down in a devastating body slam into side control with three minutes and the crowd roared but... Yves stopped the fight instantly after the slam and pulled a celebrating Hammortree off. Camozzi was motionless. Wait no he was moving. He had been just injured badly by the slam and he had tapped. Hammortree celebrated and talked with Joe Rogan. He said "I started off a little bad but... I'm so happy that Dana and the Fertittas gave me another chance to be in the UFC. I feel so honored and I just... I can't believe I'm here talking to you right now, Joe." Rogan smiled it off. "James, take a look at the Mickey's replay on the big screen up there..." "Uhhh... right there he... dropped me with the left hook. Kid hits like a bus. Right there I landed a good overhand right and he got hurt and sort of gave up for a little bit. There is my big slam." Hammortree grinned widely. "Damn it looks cooler on the big screen!" Rogan laughed genuinely. "Ladies and gentlemen, James Hammortree!" It was later found that Camozzi had dislocated his right shoulder in the fight's finish. Hammortree was given the victory via TKO (injury) at 3:02 of the third round. The first two rounds were Camozzi's, and Hammortree was on his way to edging out the third round. It would have likely been a 29-28 unanimous decision for Camozzi.
This is the year you stop knitting and start shredding!!!
My thumb feels numb. O.O Wow.
I think I'm gagging but I like it. Wait, what?
That whining hum is... it's literally... like a propellor stirring up shit. That whining hissing thrum.
Have you ever seen a Saliva Suicide before? Lick your teeth for a while consecutively while you're high.
SALUTATIONS, MALFACTORS! Plankton ruled in that brief moment. He ruled. To me, at least. I love you, Plankton.
I have a hydendussed infecrtion? Means I'm high. Yeah. Can you tell? Can you smell? Really?
Oh, my God, dude. My back really is fucked up... Fuck.
Mr. Rogers, Mick Jagger, Roger Rabbit, oh my darling Clementine. Oh my darling, oh my darling, all my darlings Columbined. Pwned!
Angelina Jolie should rent out her lips to children who want to bounce. Bounce wit me, bounce wit me. Woo woo gimme that woo woo, gonna get low in this motherfucker up heeeere. No guests allowed, only brothas and sistas of the whiteland. The blackland is bad land. It's Badlands Street, right down past Miller. Catch a bus, dad!
Ah cool, you brought me Lucky Charms!
Wee woo, I fuck just like Buddy Holly, whores whore and I fucked Mary Tyler Moore, I don't care what they say anyways as long as I get my poon, as long as I hit my poon.
Sex sex sex fuck 'em on the rooftops, so you can say gravity made 'em pregnant.
Comets rock hot. Get it?
I wish I could splinter that cell.
My teeth are so crooked. Crooklyn sQUIRREL.
Avoid my satisfaction, it may be deadly to Johnny-come-latelys, but bring some company, new bodies new blood, new members of the club. Avoid the satisfaction, squander the truth. It may be deadly.
Oh dude I'm having an amazing sex-filled discussion with Britt. Oh man. :)
My dick is on FIIIIRE, ya'll. Hahaha. It sounds so country. Ya'll. It sounds so country because it is. It's someone actually saying "you all" in a lazy redneck country slur. Like a donkey's bray. Ya'll.. New Ahluns. That's New Orleans. The hurricane city. O.o Rofl.
Something is creeping underneath my shirt, up my neck and down my chin, up my fucking face until it reaches my eyes, it passes them by but then it finds my brain and there's way more wrong with that than right. Because I'm crazy.
Froot Loops are very digestively sound.
John Wayne saddling a horse for Kurt Angle. Two real American heroes!
Hulk Hogan slapping a baby held by Neil Armstrong.
Neil Diamond being arrested for unlawful entry. (Hint for the retard in the back: He fucked a cat.)
John Salter grabbing a handful of eggs from a chicken. The chicken's head, you ask? That's none other than William fucking Reagal. Don't he look regal up dere, boyz?!
Robert E. Lee having tea with Jodie Foster and Martha Stewart.
Davey Crockett playing a fiddle and dancing around Redwall. (Hint for the retard in the back: The book's title is Redwall, and the author is Brian Jacques. For God's sake, read a book, man.)
Sylvester Stallone fighting in a mixed martial arts fight. His opponent, you ask? Patrick Swayze. I'm putting five bucks on good old Rocky.
Rocky Balboa making a wish at a wishing-well, accompanied by Darth Vader. (Hint for the retard in the back: A bachelor party is known in some obscure circles -- obscure to you because you're a loser -- as a 'wishing-well', where well-wishers may wish a future groom well. And get him fucking wasted and laid by a female who isn't his future bride. Vader just happens to be getting married. Yeah. Loser.) Note for later: That means Balboa's laying next to a naked chick who is facedown on a sleeping bag, and a thought bubble saying "I wish I hadn't fucked this bitch, ya know?" Across the room, Vader's fucking an obscured bitch doggystyle on a bed and he has a dialogue bubble saying "Who's your daddy? That's right, whore. I'm your father!"
Dracula taking a shower, getting peeped at by Beevis and Butthead.
Beyonce dancing in only a thong, a bra and some boots on some stairs... And there's a spider, too.
Neil Patrick Harris as the 'nine hundredth-man on the moon' bouncing with Drew Carey and Malcolm X. (Fun babblefact: It gets all of the world's defining qualities. Gay (NPH.) Fatass (DC.) Nigger. (MX). Hypocrite (MX). Lowlife (MX). Retard (DC.) Virgin (D.C.) Whore (Jenna Jameson.)...
Frankie Nuniz reading the Bible with his baby sister, Miss Britney-Spears-after-2003.
The Terminator as a traffic cop, Tom Cruise as a disgruntled driver. Have all of Cruise's scientolog...ical dreams come true now? Does he have to go with The Terminator if he wants to live? TO BE CONTINUED.
The Crimson Chin double-mooning Paula Abdul and Reece Witherspoon.
Drew Barrymore whoring on a street corner as Jack Nicholson rolls up.
Well I sure wasted that there high.
Something important to my past happened on Tuesday, March 3, 1826. Look it up. Keyword: Anderson.
LeAnn Rhymes is having some chicken with Natalie Portman.
Jennifer Anniston is strangling Winona Ryder's skinny neck.
Pie. Za. Pie za. That would be a good food. Pizza! I'd love some 'za right now.
My neck is sore, Laurie.
JUNE 19
DMX is superior to diph in every single way. It is more enjoyable. It is more enlightening. It is more insane, but in a good way, hence the enjoyability. It is more... of a euphoric trip. It's just amazing. The way we had to get the DMX trip (ingesting cough syrup) wasn't fun. That was the only bad part, the start. The nasty ingestion of cough syrup, which is quite possibly the most vile liquid known to man. I barely kept from puking. Anyways...
What's wrong with my veins? Almost every one is poppin' out. (Imagine that in a jazz tenor, with emphasis on EVERYone is poppin' out.)
Dude, Mema cut my hair while I was tripping. And shaved my facial forest.
Me and Sam thought we were going to burn the house down. We thought we left the gas stove on.
It was just.. such an unexplainably insane experience.
JUNE 24
What's up with ducks anyway? Like... are they confused? Do they wanna swim.... Or do they wanna fly? You can't have your cake and eat it, too, dude. No no no noo. Noper doper. And how about pigeons? They shit everywhere. There is not an inch of earth outside of Antarctica that has not been shit on by some fucking bastard of a pigeon.
Hey... is your name Cooper? (Yeah, but people call me Coop.) Are you my grandson, Cooper? (Grandpa? Is it really you?) Yes, you little bastard. You never came back with my cigarettes. (Well now that we're here... Cyber?) What's a cyber, you young whippersnapper? (Cyber sex. Let's talk dirty to each other while pleasuring ourselves.) I have a better idea. Go fuck yourself. With bleach. (How 'bout noooooooo, you crazy Dutch bastard?) That's an insult. I'm Norwegian. (No, you're not.) How do you know, Coop? (NO!) I like you. *I left.*
I burnt a booger with my lighter and fused it to the deckboards.
Planes crash and towers topple. Mothers cry and people fly, falling to their deaths, plummeting down and down and down, stopping with a sickening thud.
Days may come and days may go, your life can pass but will you know? Will you know how to act? When you're forced to choose, how will you react? Days may come and days may go, our life together never ends, doesn't it though?
July 3
I am so utterly, completely, devastatingly, catastrophically high.
I think K3 depends on the acceptance that you're high. It confuses you, unlike pot, which makes you understand every possible scenario or spectacle or even every single malfaction or malfunction. So... just accept it.
I'm so glad that the landlord is allegedly leaving.
"We only got twenty left?"
"Originally, we were two seventy-five."
"I spent some of my two-seventy, and you had to come in with your three-twelve."
That girl's voice said "I can't like boys now."
Maybe you're broken, too, overreacting sense of overwhelming normalcy, sing me a song lyric telling me that your rabbit's sick, that don't mean dick to me, just listen to me, you're not high on life, you're high on boring.
My ideas have origins in air deprivation. Move over, water. I'm Moses, bitch. You can't beat that hat, Mr. Cat in the motherfucking Hat. Yes sir. I went there.
Have you ever noticed that the most common stoned injury is an abnormally broken ankle? Like so abnormal, you don't even notice. Am I right? Or am I just craaaazy? I think I'm kwaxy, ducks. You love it, though. You just want me to be crazy for you so you can feel normal about it all. Good song lyric, Sir Lee. Thank you, King Lee. I'm a kingly King Lee. Did that sound kwazy to you, Brendan?
The sunglasses almost fried my eyes.
I think nearsightedness is where part of your retina dies and you only have some to see, so it's too much and it overwhelms them and they can only squint. That's why closing your eyes feels soooo good during anything. Haven't you noticed that? Like.... when you're cumming, mmmm god closing your eyes rocks during that. Annnnd eating any fucking food, even bread haha.
I only hear echoes of every knee's fall.
HAHAHAHA Donny's so fucking funny. "I'd like to rip your shit up and rawrrawrrawrow!"
My exposed retinas are tingling. Spidey Senses!
But seriously, I need glasses. I'm dying. Oh I found them.
"Ten: thirty six was just now."
"I ain't gonna chance nothing."
"He's probably calling you now."
I think I'm getting a cataract.
I need music. God, please.
"We're paying outrageous rent now."
I think I crushed my eyeball. And no one can see so I can't gauge their reaction. I can't feel right there.
Oh god I thought it was an eyelash and I was so relieved that I didn't care that I was retarded.
It's not. My eyeball is dying. Pleaseeee.
Strongest, longest trip I've ever had. I just wanna be stoned. If I wanted DXM, I'd take DXM. FUCK!
STOP! I wanna be stoned.
I missed the bus and I missed your trust, I want to let go of all reason and save your day. I wanna be your tears and kill your fears, I don't want you to love me but I want you to miss me, want you to kiss me, just let me save your world.
Blame all the bad times on me and let me be your rock, wash up against me and climb up onto my dock, dance with me on the shores of every single sea and set me free.
Burning eyelashes and fading breath, oxygen A.W.O.L. and too scared to fall, you want to run but you can't even breathe, collapse to your knees, try for air and only get smoke.
I had the knocking audio trip. Like.. you suddenly "realize" someone's been knocking loudly for a long time, and you "realize" that it's the cops. But then you listen close and they're not. Then the sound of the cop radio downstairs joins in and it's an even stronger suggestion that something is wrong. Again you listen closely and hear nothing. You hear the cops talking on the radio now in the hallway outside, as if calling in backup. You decide to go see for yourself, and you get some balls up and unlock the door and look through a haze of burning brain cells and see that it's just your mom talking to her boyfriend in their unnaturally loud fucking retarded voices. You go back inside and breathe a sigh of relief and you chill for a second... until the dead retina trip returns. Shit.
I hope my eye's okay. Left eye. Left side of my body didn't get enough oxygen in the womb I believe.
Maybe the trippy pain in my eye is like... me having a lazy eye and the being stoned making it worse.
I thought Britney was Britt's mom.
Shouldn't life's blood bleed from the soul? Shouldn't red blood be that you don't have much of a soul? Red-blooded Americans sounds appropriate.
I found out the problem. My left shoulder's dislocated.
But yeah the left side of my body definitely didn't get enough oxygen. It's a lot more retarded in every sense.
Maybe I mean the left side of my brain didn't get enough oxygen. So.. I'm... I guess I'm half-retarded. That sucks. I really am retarded. I.... never fully accepted that. I never will.
It won't matter when I pull the trigger and end the world. Everyone has that power. Only the brave use it.
You can't crucify what you can't nail down, and that's love. Can't nail that shit down without a bulldozer. And that's hard dude...
Linkin Park is underrated.
I hate tripping after dipping.
Oh yeah, I completely glossed over it so far but apparently Sam's moving back in. I was like 'Oh cool' and went back to thinking stoner thoughts. I rock.
"I can still take care of you until you're eighteen."
"I'm leaving that up to you."
"You're my son. I love you. I just want to be... wanted."
"I've got a truck.. I've got a trunk! And I've a basement, you know?"
Oh wow, Sam was crying on the phone. Mom is, too. I had no idea it was serious. Wow.
"If you wanna come over with us instead of go home, it's fine with us!"
"I'm not gonna pay them two hundred to live."
"I'm a big girl. I'm forty-five years old."
"You know you'll have your friend. Now, I don't want your little partner over here...."
"You know you'll have your freedom. Now, I don't want your little partner over here..."
"If Brett and them's gave you that option..."
"I don't want it to keep being up in the air."
"It's not all about money. I don't want your money."
"If I wanna come get you, I'll drive over there and come get you."
"Now what's going on with... nevermind?"
These pictures were meant to be sent to me.
The powerful one-foot strut is an awesome dance move.
Hey, you better make your amends to them dead there, feller.
"I just want you to be his brother."
The dolphins make you cry? Fag.
You wish you were too dead to cry? Emo.
"He knows I'm not involved with it so he doesn't text me about it."
"You just let him come home and... whatever!"
"I won't pay them money so he can live here!"
Them is a word we aren't supposed to here. We're meant to live alone and socialize alone.
Throw some clothes on in the dark to hide your tiny penis.
The world is sleeping, you are numb? Because you just got a blowie, dude.
Music is so utterly astounding.
Waiting for someone else all my life to try to take me back. You get old and you waste away and you're never going back, they'll never come back, just let her go.
I didn't do it. I saw who did. So... shouldn't that mean that you should.. say who it was that did it?
It ain't no secret to me how she got there down by the stream. Dude, then fucking tell someone.
You can't say a single world about what you saw for... her killers they got their friends, in familiar places, you tell me man?You are so eloquent and morally centered. Because you.... didn't... do... anything.. to.. stop... this... from... happening... you... didn't.. dooooo....anythiiiing... But after all they did it once and they can do it again, you swear.
I got the troll banging on the basement door sensory trip.
Channel 400. Hmm. That's 399 channels above Channel One, approximately of course.
They're throwing something at the window. It sounds like it's a heavy cloth. Perhaps a rag? Very funny. Raghead right? That's so funny. FAGGOTS! Kill them, for Allah! WOLVERINES!
Green flashes of light in the night, faded to blue and it looks like blue lights, pulled up on the side of the road checking a wreck for danger, who's inside it can't be mine she's surely fine at home but she went... to get... those cigarettes. Oh well, fucking women drivers!
I'm doing the chicken leg, and I wanna crawl up and eat your chicken thigh.
Somewhere, somehow, we'll be together. Really? Will we be together sexually? If so, will we be together sexually more than a few times and.. will there be strings attached? Do I have to impregnate you? Do I have to marry you?
Somewhere, somehow, we'll be together. But where will we go? Will we be together forever? Will you buy me shoes?
I haven't even unwrapped my Camels yet, you fucking bastard.
Slam it down in that pussy juice, let it let it ride up in that pussy Jew's ain't gonna get no pussy, they don't want no pussy, cause they got their money, they money-hungry so they don't need no honey. They ain't no bees, dawg.
"I just want to start this over." At the beginning? At the end? Or at the beginning of the end? I'd go for Choice B.
I heard the dog attacking the cat's tail with razor sharp claws audio trip. Simple Plan always does that.
Coke bubbles are purty.
Don't aggravate him. He's fragile. You'll die if you break him, though. That's the only thing that makes us not worry about Kyle.
I don't wanna be just like you. Well be yourself then, you don't need anyone else.
Everything is blue for him and himself.
I'm blue and I was deed, I was dyed, I was deebabadyed. I was deed I almost died. O.o
Blue are the people here that walk around. You must live in Smurfland, nigga.
Just one chance, just one breath, just in case there's just one left. That is motherfucking beautiful.
I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go. Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore. Aww, this is such a great song.
Because with you I'd withstand all of hell just to hold your hand. Holy shiiiit, this dude's got some cheese.
Some dreams were meant to be declined. What, like life?
I'll take you to the broken sign. You'll see, his lights are dimmed. Hmmm, interesting.
This place was made on you. So you used me as a prostitute to like... finance your little operation here?
Chitty chitty chitty lost in the shitty little city.
Punch with the shoulder, not hyperextending the arm, push with the shoulder and hips.
She keeps a picture of me... in her apartment in the city. Well she still cares about you, dipshit.
But if the bright lights don't recieve you, you should turn yourself around and come on home. Are you suggesting that you gave her an ultimatum and she has to follow it? O.O Or are you just accepting her back with open arms?
Self-affliction fades. Basically like you stop hating yourself.
Masochists to which I cater. Letting the world torture you.
I keep slipping farther... Once I've cut, I won't let go 'till it bleeds. Oooh wow. It means he's desperate to get satisfaction from this self-harm that has replaced his self-affliction.
I wish I had a reason, my flaws are open season. Oh wow. He wants a reason to die but a reason to be missed as well, and he sees his many imagined flaws as a prime target for this reason but then he realizes, if he has so many flaws, will anyone remember him? Sounds like me.
Lying here with you. Listen to the rain. Smiling just to see the smile upon your face. And these are the moments I thank God that I'm alive.. and these are the moments I'll remember all my life. I've found all I've waited for... and I could not ask for more. Obviously he's thankful, right?
Looking in your eyes seeing all I need, everything you are is everything to me. Very nice.
My stoned psyche tried to send me in the other direction. Either that or my retardation.
Th-th-th-think about it.
I can't believe all the bullshit that I find. Fuck you.
You make believe that life is so long until you're dying. Oh holy shit that's amazing.
You think everybody's the same. I don't think that anybody is like you. You've been fucking with me, you've been fucking with me.
Being high is like retaining water.
My Generation was Limp Bizkit trying to reach out to teenagers back then, right?
I'd eat you alive. How eloquent.
I think I'm finally scared now. You think I'm weak. I think you're wrong. Simple yet moving.
The photo uploader isn't working. I'm pretty sure Brett intentionally gave me a virus.
Myspace is going haywire so I just say fuck it.
My eye's fine by the way. Thanks for asking.
Damn that was loud. I had Oblivion by 30 Seconds to Mars on full blast. Nearly gave me a heart attack, son.
I'm going to the place where love and feeling good don't never cost a thing. And the pain you feel is a different kind of pain. I'm going home, to the place where I belong and where your love has always been enough for me. Very beautiful.
Brett texted me "Stevie's got Brock at a dollar against us both..." and I texted back "Ah he's a brave soul indeed."
My consciousness tugged me towards the phone. Something significant is about to happen. Perhaps a call or text. Within a few seconds or so, maybe a minute or two.
I'm so unbelievably pumped for Brock versus Shane.
These places and these faces are getting old.
I'm mumbling nonsense along with Last Dance With Mary Jane by Tom Petty. I have a feeling very many people have done this same thing.
If I just give it a few days, the branches are replenished with the fruit of my labor.
If you came across an Elixir of Life, would you use it? 
Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone? Nice. Yeah I would. Wait wait wait.. I just realized my life sucks. No no, is there an Elixir of Death? Thanks.
I've Seen Better Days is an awesomer stoner song.
Pain is like a warning.
I gotta answer a text from Britt because she's waiting.
Have you ever wondered where you got some of your phone contacts from?
Yeah but I attribute it to entering them while drunk or stoned.
I just clearly heard Mom screaming my name. And a car pulling up. But I check and there's no one there. I really am schizophrenic.
"I didn't see a nickel."
"He don't know. He's still thinking on it."
I just sent Britt a text. "I like, um... shoes."
He was leaving when I was... Yeah.. It might have been Kyle.
These jerkoffs.
Check that out, huh? Satellite radio.
But sir, where have the towels gone?
Keep your throat clear of phlegm at all times while stoned, sir.
The orgasm is the sensory triumph of the expulsion of impurities, which is what semen consists of. It's like the sewer for urine. Have fun drinking that, girls.
Oh my retinas just needed the light. The light of day, not my desk lamp. I learned a valuable lesson today. Blindness isn't worth the pay.
Now we have light, so let's have the first anual Lee And His Voices First Anual light-headed beach party.
What would be good band names?
Your Charity Awaits. Mangle the Man. Cripple the Lonely. Torment Is A Choice. Slander the Clever. Sobbing Conscience. Utilize the Intimate.
I wish you could slap a panda, because they're way too forward. Cool down, panda.
It would suck if there was a spider that could sing. Because that would be creepy. He'd be like 'Oooooh yeah, I'm gonna motherfucking biiiiite yoooouu. I'm gonna fucking suck your blood, oops nope that's a vampiiiire, but I'm definitely gonna biiiite youuuu." All this being sung while he's crawling towards you while you're trapped in a web, of course. I imagine spiders doing that to flies.
I relocated my shoulder. Or dislocated it. One of those two occurences occurred.
Stop ringing, phone.
All you ever wanna do is never give up.
This never leaves the cave.
Corner of Bumfuck and you got a purty mouth.
What's a camping trip without beer?
The oxygen in there. Gotta get... Gotta get the right combination.
I don't know if I can handle this punishment.
They had some serious rapids there, man.
I was employee of the month... at the Monsoon Lagoon.
Were you really employee of the month?
No, I lied about that, too.
We gotta jump over that waterfall.....
Hey, there's a beer in the river. Cool. Look at this, it's cold.
And Master Tom, well... he's drunk.
I wish I had a coconut cock.
I'll take a small piece of this funky stuff.
He's a doctor. Doctors study other doctor's work.
Things are as bad as they could possibly get. (rains hard) I stand corrected!
DY-NO-MITE! (DY-NO-MITE!) CREE-PIN'-ME-OUT.
Oooo Tommy!
A male bonding experience is often known as "a bromance."
I can taste the herpes.
I'm the coolest fish in the city.
That would be a slimy and scaly existence.
"I don't think much of American comedy usually, but this movie was fucking funny." - Without a Paddle.
This chocolate milk is saintly. I proclaim him the patron saint of kickass. Congratulations, St. Tasty.
I like Messerschmitts.
"Hey... Come here." "Yes, ma'am?" "Sit down. Alright. The thing is... We're about to get really fucking drunk." "Oh well yeah it'll be fun." "Oh yeah... So.. I was just wondering. Do you wanna fuck me now or two bottles into the tequila supply, eh?" "Uh, wow. Sure." "Fuck yeah, dude. I knew you would do it. I want to see this big cock here then. And then I'm gonna suck it." "Oh shit... Alright. Here ya go." Later: "Oh yeah, mmmfff.. God-damn, boy. You can fuck me harder than that, can't you? Ooooh there we go... Fuck me, you little fucking bitch." "Oooh, I came." "Well you better keep going, you son of a bitch, I'm not done yet. .... This ain't working. Get down there and lick my pussy. Hurry up. It's just a pussy. Ooooh yeah, dude you give good head. Must be all that porn-watching, you fuckin' nerd." 
"Hey, come on, motherfucker," the boy yelled. His eyes couldn't penetrate the soul-crushing blackness of a dead city. He had to rely on his instinct that he was running on the edge of the tall brick building. Not over it.
"Graggghhh! RAUGH!" Behind him, the hissing and guttural moans of half a dozen hellish creatures pierced the black abyss. They were pursuing him, not for revenge or for hate. They were hungry, and they needed to feed. They thirsted for it so completely that it had awaken them from the eternal sleep we all hope to reach. They were zombies. That might not have been the exact moniker for the ghouls, but it was more right than wrong.
The boy's companion -- who he had shouted at -- was two or three steps behind him and thus mere inches from the range of the clutches of the limping corpses hunting them. His answer came panting from a throat run ragged and hoarse from days of nearly constant shouting. "Yeah, I'm running as fast as I can with a twisted ankle, asshole!"
You're just a pantywaist. No woman is a waste of panties. You could call one that. Ooooh, slam dunk.
I had to clear my throat again.
I nearly sat on a butterknife.
I'm finally unwrapping my Camels.
"That dog's foaming at the mouth." "Does it have rabies?" "Shoot it!" "Is it one of them? Is it... is it going to come back as one of them?" "No. It was poisoned."
Evangelista Santos vs. Nick Diaz. The first round began. Diaz was coming after Santos, but Santos wasn't backing up. Diaz grabbed the clinch, the only way he could back Santos up, and pushed him against the cage. He landed a knee to the thigh. Santos was pummeling for underhooks and he got them, switching to an underhook and an overhook and turning the clinch's positioning around to force Diaz against the fence. He broke from the clinch at that point, swinging with a big left hook and an overhand right. The left hook connected and the overhand right was blocked but Diaz was rocked and he stumbled backwards along the cage as Santos pursued him swinging with haymakers. Diaz was already cut under his right eye. He managed to fend Santos off with popping jabs and regained his composure as they circled about. Diaz didn't seem to want anything to do with the standup now. He groped for the clinch again, secured it and began working for a single-leg against the cage with all his skill. He dumped Santos down finally, landing on top in half-guard. He wasn't working much from the top, or perhaps it just seemed that way because Santos was much busier landing hammerfists from his back and working to sweep or even regain guard, at worst. Diaz responded by looking for a kimura and he had it secured and as the stronger Santos exploded out to try to escape, Diaz switched lightning-quick to an armbar. Santos lifted him up somehow and slammed him down and settled on top in side control. He went knee on belly trying to posture up to land big shots and Diaz hip-escaped and got his hips under him fully, shooting up and working for another single-leg against the cage. Three fifteen left, in an action-packed fast-paced first round. Santos was defending well once again but Diaz eventually put him back down, this time into full closed guard. Diaz was trying to work for hammerfists and Santos was blocking them and landing his own. Diaz made a tactical mistake in underestimating Santos's submissions and Santos locked up a tight armbar as Diaz drew back to try for a big right hand. Diaz was defending... He's trying to escape. The crowd is roaring and Santos has it tight. Diaz tapped, grunting in slight pain. He looked more frustrated than sad. Santos leaped up on the cage cheering. He was the newly crowned Strikeforce welterweight champion and 3:27 of the first round with a submission (armbar).
Dan Henderson vs. Robbie Lawler. The first round began and they circled, Henderson already had that right hand cocked and ready to throw. Lawler was backing up, measuring Henderson's range and respecting his power and takedown skill, despite his own infamous power and takedown defense. Four fifteen and neither man has made an offensive move. Oh, there goes Lawler swinging first with a leg kick, connecting solidly. Henderson replied with a missed right hand and he used the oppurtunity to press forward more, slamming Lawler into the cage and taking advantage of the momentum, he lifted Lawler up securing his hands under both hips and slammed him hard into side control. The crowd roared. That was the Dan Hendo Henderson from Pride, the man who defeated Wanderlei Silva. Lawler was struggling to regain guard or at least get his back up against the fence. Henderson dragged him away from it though and he landed a good hammerfist. He mounted and distributed his weight well. Lawler kept struggling. Three thirty, Lawler has been doing a good job of hugging Henderson close and avoiding any damage whatsoever but the referee wants action. Henderson managed to wrestle his way free and postured up with a big right hand. Lawler was hurt and he gave up his back and Henderson had overunder control without any secured hooks. Lawler thus scrambled to his feet and they broke. Henderson seemed a bit tired already, as three minutes rolled around on the clock. He still pursued Lawler doggedly however. They exchanged with neither landing flush. Lawler landed another stiff leg kick. He swung with a right hook and a big straight left and both punches landed and Henderson staggered backwards. Lawler pursued and the crowd was roaring again. Henderson landed a big right hand backing off and it dropped Lawler hard right onto his ass. He managed to avoid the cataclysm of hammerfists that Hendo rained down on him while kneeling on his chest. He rolled and regained guard somewhat and then kept rolling, grabbing desperately for a kneebar to save time because he was still hurting as two thirty rolled around on the clock. What a back and forth brawl. Henderson defended and he had the back with overunder control again and this time he had Lawler's face pressed up against the fence and he had his hips set in well. Lawler wasn't getting up easily this time. Henderson landed a right hand and a pair of lefts in under Lawler's guard. He kneed the hip and then the ribs. He was dominating Lawler, as two minutes came around on the clock. Lawler rolled, trying to find a less dominant position to put Hendo into, and he found half-guard, locking it up tighter than a nun's vag. Henderson still managed to get in a few big right hands in the process and Lawler was hurting bad despite the way he was trying to hide it for the judges or whoever. He needs to get serious and start trying to finish the fight off of his back. Both fighters seemed to be taking a breather and by the time one twenty-three rolled around, the ref stood them up promptly as boos began to echo. Both men were tired, but Henderson was the more tired fighter by far. He shot in for a double-leg, forcing Lawler against the cage but he wasn't doing much else with it. Lawler dragged him back up to the clinch with the underhooks. One minute remained. The referee broke them up with fifty-three seconds left. They circled. Henderson swung with the big right hand and clipped Lawler behind the ear and dropped him and he pounced with hammerfists and the ref stopped it at 4:16 of the first round. Henderson was the winner via TKO (punches).
Mama's home.
I should lean to the right more when I'm stoned. As long as I lean to the right, I'll be fine.
Alexander Callibrassis, we meet again, sir. You fine Englishman.
I'm twitchin' my hips. O.o I'm giving myself a hippy twister.
Something kicked off the fourth floor. Give me redemption and say you're sorry, blame it on the medicine and come on to rehab, come on home. The one you still see, the one who fucked you in the hotel, I don't mind if he's got a wife but I've got a wife and he had her. I want her but is she still mine?(Got The Life)
Throat blockage and air deprivation is the main source of 'being stoned.' If you clear your throat, you may notice you start to lose your high and think it's just the effects of the marijuana wearing off. But it's not. Your throat isn't blocked and your brain is sucking up oxygen again. You're starting to come back from being braindead. Of course you feel back to normal very slowly as it "wears off." Well, lean your head back down before it wears off halfway, block that throat again and you'll be "ripped" or "blazed" totally again. Sounds fun. By the way, I loooove being braindead. WOO! Nothing personal, brain.
They had everything covered.
What the fuck are you going to be? What do you wanna be? Just tell me.
Release me from the bonds of life, weather through your terror and battle and strife, take me as your wife.
Brian Jacques definitely got stoned. That was Jacques-esque poem.
My brain hurts.
Salty scallops.
Hey Kristi, I really really love you. :) Sorry but I'm stoned. Um.... you rock, dude. :) I wish I was normal so you could like me, dude. I know I'm weird and stuff. I get weirder every day. Some people just can't handle it. I'm one of them. I really hate myself and if I were you, I'd hate me, too. So... since I'm a pretty smart guy and you're a pretty smart girl, you probably feel the same way I do. You probably hate me. So... I'm really sorry for that, then. It really sucks to be hated by the only person you have ever really loved, even family. I'm really sorry, Kristi. I wish I was better. Thanks for talking to me and being the best friend you can be to me throughout all this bullshit. You're really sweet. You don't have to worry about me though anymore. It's all going to be okay. You don't believe me now, but you'll see. The whole world will be significantly better without a worm like me slithering across its surface one more day after eighteen years of my existence. I love you, and I've never even met you. You must be the most amazing girl in the world. :) Bye, Sti.
-- Love despite,
Lee.
If you let 'em happen, seizures are easy.
I had one. Nearly died.
You motherfuckers are all going to pay. You did nothing wrong but... You know what? I feel as if the world owes me some time for retribution even so. I've taken so much imaginary shit that it shouldn't matter if you're innocent or not. I can't wait to blow your innocent little heads to bits and pieces of gory braincase and the brainy contents. Unfortunately, since most of the asshole teenagers I know don't have much of a brain, the walls won't be too splattered. Cleanup should be easy for even the most squeamish janitor.
You know, I don't idolize Dylan Klebold or even Eric Harris. I lot of people say kids like me "idolize" them. We don't. We respect them. These kids went through the same shit we did and they did something about it. They were crazy and they needed help and no one noticed and somewhere inside they were pissed about that. They were beyond pissed. And they didn't collapse on the pressure, they stepped up and laid the hurting on some fools. Then they went out with a bang, the way we all want to. God-damn, they're magnificent in the most pathetic way possible. I want to be just like them someday. I want people to be inspired to stand up for what they believe in later down the line. So... go ahead and take your inspiration for me, but I'm no God. I know, I'm so modest. I am your God. :)
I don't think killing will be too difficult to... absorb safely. I mean... just pretend it's a video game, right? Put enough rounds through them to make sure you continued your killstreak and then keep going. Gotta keep your kill/death ratio up. Many deaths for one of yours. :) Fuck yeah.
I feel so dead.
I want to make a story. I want people to talk about it before they sleep, at lunch, at work, I want them to think about it and dream about it. I want to be remembered. And I will do my best to my last breath to accomplish that want. That need. I definitely want to be remembered as a school shooter. I haven't wanted anything else for over four and a half years.
Every kid has a sixty-six percent chance of being a killer, and one hundred percent of every percentage is bullshit made up on the spot. Oh wait oops, right?
I'll be back later to fucking kill you.
Shut the fuck up, you worthless motherfucker.
Shut the fuck up. I don't have to listen to you fucks anymore. One more fucking word and I'll fucking end you like I ended your skanky girlfriend.
Wooo! Right in the fucking face. That has to suck.
Fucking bitches. You motherfuckers don't even know to run out of the room instead of hiding. You fucking idiots. You're too stupid to live. Luckily, I'm offering a free special on bullets.
Look at this crying girl. What the fuck is she crying about? Don't you believe in God, little bitch? You're going to heaven to see your fucking grandpa and your goldfish. Why be sad about that? Stupid bitch.
Hey, they're going to blame this on us being Satanist even though you're fucking Catholic and I'm an atheist. You dumbfucks should say we were yelling "Satanist war cries" hahaha.
Where are all you fuckers? I was looking forward to killing sixty. Don't all dreams come true?
So... the left is a half-second later. The left blink. So you see a half-second into the past. I have crosseye!
You are the blood that I bleed and the roses that I seed, please don't let me lie.
The rhinos can't do live jests. (Basically: Rhinos can't tell no standup comedy.)
Did you know turtles like ice cream? It's so warm in that fucking shell that a little cold sometimes hits the spot.
Looking through the stained panes of old age, blinded by scars of wars fought and won and lost, blink away a tear and face your fear, face death and embrace it.
Hey... juice doesn't taste ANYTHING like candle wax. It's less... well-done.
Farmers can't compete with the sun's heat, they accept it.
Hey, Philip is actually a German name. No kidding.
My generation will take the fall.
I want to fuck Kristi. First time I've admitted that out loud on a computer.
If you could trip off of mouthwash, would you drink it? Oooh god. Maybe. Is it lemon-flavered?
My new nickname is Leelo. Leelo and Stitch.
My nipples are extra sensative. But so is my dick.
My lip has a desert on the bottom curve.
Hey, it's Missy Elliott. Nope, sorry. Mistook that black woman for Missy Elliott. Hey, that's not racist. Oh hey look, it's Missy Elliott.
What the fuck are you looking at? You're fucking dead, you know that, don't you? Bitch. Fucking slut. Where's your fucking God now? That's right, I'm your God. See you in Hell.
Heeheehee ho ho ho.
Diesel fuel isn't costly in Bermuda.
Mastedons were never worried about spiders.
Those wires strongly resemble a king cobra.
Show me the answers to one and ten, how did you create men?
Sing me a chorus.
My back got weighted down by the bend.
Yes, young Padawan.
He can't explain how he feels, he can't wash down the lump in his throat, even with pills. But he's sorry and he knows he fucked up, but he'll never find her, she'll never want him and that's real.
What do you mean, Sherlock?
You keep me one step away from the edge and you make me smile. If I ever jump, I hope I'll find you down there when you come later.
Sing words of praise that can't replace the feelings you felt and the laughs that you shared and every cent that you spent on that pitch.
You should be um.. sexy!
Shadows can't reform if the light is on.
Technically, a vampire could use sunblock, dude.
Hey, deaf people would make the best spies. A deaf guy can read lips. He won't know what you're saying right in front of him facing the opposite direction... but he'll damn sure know what you're whispering half a mile away. Someone should look into that. Like the U.S. military. Then again, a deaf soldier is pretty stupid to think about. Impossible.
Break that rainbow rod.
I thought I spilled my drink on my toe.
It's not easy to be something you're not so fake it till you make it, soon you'll like it a lot. Wise words from Brett. I'm going to use them. Brett has fabulous insight to pass on.
I wonder if your locked and chained heart has a key.
Something in my heel snapped. And my other one feels twisted, too.
Marlboro's have their appeal.
Bullshit, Camels are the fucking way to smoke.
Nah dude, I gotta go with Pall Malls.
You fucking idiot.
You can be sexy. Be all like.. shaking it for me.
Shine on, you crazy flashlight.
Sometimes, I wonder if pigs can fly and if the undead can die.
Hello, my name is Lee, and I would like to tell you something, sir. I like raisins and pussy.
Go on about your business while I watch.
Slam it down drop it till I hop it and pump you full of cool with my tool, I rule.
Shattered, can't put back together what's been... Shattered. Can't piece together pieces without glue, it's... Shattered, and broken, and busted. It was my heart.
I'm gonna wake Sammy Sam Sam Yo Sam up for a smoke break.
Hickory dickory dock, wanna suck my cock? Hickory dickory dock, I wanna shoot you with my Glock. Hickory dickory dock!
I forgot that I needed the lighter and that I was on a diehard search for it.
Maybe I have palsy.
Do you know anything about weedeaters?
I'll be callin' somebody.
Let's see what Sherdog's saying.
"I wanna take it back. And get my money back."
"Take that extention cord back -- all that extention cord -- back, and we'll have money."
"I'm getting tired and pissed off. I'm getting really pissed off."
"Donald! Don't spill that.. God-damn it. We'll be back in a minute."
Dude, there were riots in Oakland. How about Meal-land? No, that would be Oatland. Retard...
The Mutiny Within: The Dangers of Peer Pressure by Lee Anderson.
Reb and VoDKa: The Columbine Killers by Lee Anderson
Diary Of A Self-Made Psycho by Lee Anderson.
It's fine, when they're not looking.
Umm, overconfident lioness who can't seem to win.
Wow that sounded like a pair of shotgun blasts.
They're coming up the stairs.
Fucking hide, dude, I think it's those two fucking nerds. (The statement would have seemed absurd at any other moment.)
Trent Snyder's gonna lose the bet.
Salmonella is fucking horrible.
This book has missing pages.
BLAH
BLAH
BLAH
BLAH
blah
blah
Life. It's gotta happen sometime.
JULY 4
Miss Britt. Hello? Bye.
"Everything almost fell apart big time." "Oh wow, because it wasn't screwed in?" "Hahaha. But yeah, Mom almost ruined everything." "Man, fuck that bitch." "She was gonna make me go to the lake early with them. Then she decided she didn't wanna go to the lake at all. But I reminded Dad about you, so everything's good." "I'm glad it's still good. But damn, I'm hesitant to meet her now. She has some problems." "Yeah. She won't really talk to you though. She's mad." "I'm so saddened by that." "Hahaha." "Yeah. At least I'm honest." "True. :)" "Most guys would be like trying to be ultra nice and stuff like, 'Hey your mom rocks.' " "Ha. Nah. I know she's a bitch. :) " "Yeah but most guys would blow smoke up your ass about it. I'm just gonna shoot straight." "That might just be the best thing. :)" "Mhm, it really is. Not many guys like me." "But, there is a slight change in plans I forgot to tell you about."
The music is the real high, the safe high.
Blame it all on the lies, you can't tell the truth because you never learned, you never turned the corner of maturity.
Just a pallet, boy.
Follow along the trail, hold on to the guardrail.
I can put murder in my eyes. I want you to be scared. I don't wanna be aiming a gun at someone and look nerdy. I want them to say "Oh fuck, he's gonna kill me. This kid is serious."
I won't ever forget you. I don't think I could. You've been a huge part of my life. You saved my life, man! Like.. thirty times.
You gotta realize, dude... It's just sex. All that emotional bullshit is just what the name says: emotional bullshit.
My brain is fading to dust and blowing away on the strong breeze.
I'm trying to get more and more into the journal thing, like get really nasty with it. Talking about all the images in my head. Like crying girls begging me not to shoot 'em and me laughing. Hardcore, right? But you gotta prepare. Just in case. You don't wanna puss out during it.
I want to be like Eric though, I wanna make some -- no offense -- Christian girl cry and admit that she's wrong and then shoot her anyway. Take her last security blanket you know? And then send her to death.
I don't think that Brett would be surprised or sad at all that I died. He'd be surprised and sad that they died.
I think people show their true colors before they die. Eric and Dylan showed remorse.
I was fated to be on Wikipedia.
You're perfect. You're the only person who fully understands me. You're the only one that makes me happy. You're the only one that I can see myself with. You're the only one I want to be with. You're the only one who keeps me from killing myself. Without you, I'd be dead. :( The problem is... I'll never have you because you don't want me because you know that I want you. :( So I guess.. I'm dead, right.
"Hey, come on, motherfucker," the boy yelled. His eyes couldn't penetrate the soul-crushing blackness of a dead city. He had to rely on his instinct that he was running on the edge of the tall brick building. Not over it.
"Graggghhh! RAUGH!" Behind him, the hissing and guttural moans of half a dozen hellish creatures pierced the black abyss. They were pursuing him, not for revenge or for hate. They were hungry, and they needed to feed. They thirsted for it so completely that it had awaken them from the eternal sleep we all hope to reach. They were zombies. That might not have been the exact moniker for the ghouls, but it was more right than wrong.
The boy's companion -- who he had shouted at -- was two or three steps behind him and thus mere inches from the range of the clutches of the limping corpses hunting them. His answer came panting from a throat run ragged and hoarse from days of nearly constant shouting. "Yeah, I'm running as fast as I can with a twisted ankle, asshole!"
The first boy paid little heed to his comrade's bitterly primal terror. He had his own fears plaguing his pysche. The fact that five or six flesh-eating monsters were chasing him -- well.. It took center field, to say the least. The difference between him and his friend might have seemed small, but it was significant. He never stopped thinking about one another thing: survival. He was a survivor.
Without a word of warning or encouragement to his partner, the first boy threw himself over the edge of the building at a precise point. The motion was practiced. He had done it many times since the fall of mankind. He had leapt so many times from that exact spot that he was whole-heartedly confident that he would land safely. And he did land safely, right in the deep end of the hotel's pool from two floors above. He resurfaced quickly, scanning the abandoned poolside area with a sharp, sweeping gaze.
"Wyatt, jump!" he yelled up into the darkness, in the direction of the building's roof.
A loud splash announced the arrival of Wyatt into the same stretch of murky poolwater. Inevitably, a half-dozen additional splashes indicated that the undead had tagged along for the ride as well.
JULY 9
They iz uh-overwhelmin' me with the carcinogens, homie. With them acute impacts to help and them neurotoxins, long-term effects are humorous but not humorous. No open flames and smoking will reduce some guy beneath it and he'll blow up a town. There's no large single source. Just... massive companies who ooh and ah and run up gas bills, as thousands and thousands of little sources. It dirties our cleaner air in lots of places, like the inner city, and the drilling effects it too like in that unregulated town, Fort Worth, from the Wild West. That place had some issues, with uhhh... accumulative air emissions, especially in Texas with that water impact and the contanimated ground water, those oil kits did that. Heavy metals as well, it's a waste agent in petroleum labs. HUGE quantities of water contained arsenic poisoning. Your spouse was not poisoning you, sir, this is Lousiana here, son. It came back in the form of the sediment from Serena and Katrina. People dumped and dumped and dumped. The hurricanes swooped it up and just laid it on us. It coated the land. All those formaldehyde chemicals, long-lasting long names, heavy metals such as varsity and mercury. The floodwalls played a big part too in protecting the storm surge in the containment and contanimation tanks. It infected the storm system and the uhhh... sites in like Alabama and Texas, hundreds of thousands of sites went down.
Having a cold while you're stoned rocks. Even a head cold rocks while you're stoned. If that doesn't prove it's a miracle drug, what does, you fucking idiots?
He was on his way home and he just wanted to clear his head.
The phone rang again. It was the testing lab.
A pandemic had given up some of its secrets.
The chemicals are lubricants.
You have a conductivity of zero.
Two things I had never heard of: substances that are active agents... And detergents.
The gills of every fish had been completely dissolved.
I feel wavery.
Without a little trial and error, humans wouldn't be impervious to disease.
We have to destroy all of it. Tonight.
They could get the Nobel for that.
I have no shot. Repeat, no shot.
LT's filling in.
My daughter's in there.
They have the antidote now.
We don't have the antidote. We have to make it a weapon.
Isn't he being a little paranoid?
You have to get out. Where is it? Show it to me.
Betsy... take this.
If he took it from him, he's going to throw you into a hole for the rest of your life.
She would never forgive what he had done.
She would never speak to him as her father ever again.
We cannot make more like him. Not yet.
I was a freak accident. They want to do it better next time.
She's a lying bitch.
Why is he always hitting people?
It was what he was going to do.
He wanted more.
It was beautiful. God-like. Power. He needed that. He had it inside of him already. They thought of it as an abomination. He needed it, though. It was necessary. And they had given it to him for his entire life. Now the debt would be paid.
It was what he had been trying to explain.
Ladling into yourself.
They assumed that the table was fixed.
He could fix this. He knew it.
The machine gun fire spranged and clanged off of the metal doorframe.
There are two inside! Two of our guys, down with bleeders!
What is that thing? Shoot it!
You-you drive! Something big just went off here!
They are in the streets. It was impossible... It seemed impossible... But there were zombies shambling across 21st Street and that was a fact.
I've been prairie-doggin' all fuckin' day.
I'm finally back, baby.
Oh my.. God, what have you done?
Sweet.
My airway is clogged and it's sweet! Tastes like green apple.
Get out of there, soldier!
Car alarms worbled and engines roared. Horns honked and explosions boomed. Monsters howled and brakes squealed. To add to it all, a cacophony of ear-splitting gunshots ruled the city as seemingly permanent ambience.
It had to be him. It was his job. His purpose.
They had to stay high.
She begged him to think about it. She begged him to reconsider. But he told her that he had to try. He apologized. He gave her a tender kiss and tried to tuck every ounce of his insurmountable love for her into his lips to transfer to hers. Then he was gone.
Put her in here! Come on, Nat!
Betty... They're here.
Ow, ze prairie dog is jumpin'. Better not dig them holes. Dig-dig-dig-dig-dig-dig-dig-dig-diggin' them holes.
You got a purty laugh. It's husky. I like them Huskies. Boned myself many-a one of them there Huskies.
Bullets ricocheted off metal, deflecting in every direction. One stray smacked into a nearby zombie with a wet slap and it toppled.
Breathe through your nose when high. Don't be a mouth-breather, son.
Tummy hurts. Gotta shit, just gotta. Bee are bee, dude.
Once the belt comes off, it's smooth sailin' from there. Smooth seas. Calm waters. Yeah.
Meeloash.
Hey, when you're high you lose all depth perception. I got so ripped once that I went to scratch an itch and ended up fisting my ass. True story.
He always wore those nice suits. Touche.
You should talk. You should listen.
He was weedy and needy.
You dress to depress, I confess you're not alone.
They were surrounded and the radio was busted and that fucking sergeant left us out here. O'Connor's feet were gone and he couldn't do shit besides provide cover fire. They had tried to call in the corpsman but the line was dead, literally. It was a clusterfuck. FUBAR. Fucked up beyond all recognition.
Those fuckin' pills are just gonna make you sleep all the time. They even take nightmares away from you. What the fuck is the point of that?
I'm fuckin' normal there. I belong there. Here... I'm just another nutjob. You're not fucking normal there. You're normal here. Do you fucking get it now?
I've got a bump and a lump on my rump.
New York City sheets
That boy has gone crazy.
They can find us. Who? The helicopters.
I lived down the street from you. We played football. My old lady had that fuckin' book club with yours.
It's a start. Please. (grumble) (at the park) (dress shirt) (car pulls up) (stand there staring) Hey, people, do you know where Elliott is? (they wave and walk off)
(walking in a straight line through an overgrown field) Uhh-at...Uhh... (grunting as they shove through the field as it gets deeper and higher) It's a swamp. It's a fucking swamp. He owns it. There were tales that he drowned a bunch of kids in this fucking swamp. Or that he burned them and threw the ashes down here. Who's gonna go looking through that shit for some ashes? We are. The whole place? Yep. Can't beat that kind of fun on a Saturday night.
His music festival... That's why we're here. Mary and I don't need to go, though. It's confusing. The local young people eat that shit up but not us.
Dude I guessed the Taking Woodstock movie right. Just from like listening to the dialogue about a 60s music festival with hippies.
Just dead. Let's get this buried before Mom sees it.
Oh wow Shandi logged on. She is on tonight and her hips don't lie, they're starting to feel alright.
Don't touch these wires. Let's see what you got.
What happened? My heart stopped, as did the music. Someone's hacking my heart, please refrain.
I control time. I'm the Timemaster. The master of time and all of its extensions.
Yesterday won't be over until tomorrow begins, today's woes are closer and help is so far away, time has ticked its last tock and it's time to pay.
He's never heard such a haunting melody and oh it's killing him. I know he can barely breathe.
Dude, I smashed my pipe earlier. That and the 240 dying so young... It's.. disheartening. R.I.P. I had that pipe since.... fucking... February or March 09. :( His name was Angelo. His name was Robert Paulson.
Dude.... 0:54 looks like a gecko cumming.
There's 
Nakedness reveals the soul.
Wicked warmonger.
Does anyone else see a mushroom ghost at 1:32?
Wooden ships on the water, very free.
We sing it the way that it's supposed to be.
Talking about buried free... uneasy.
There's definitely an eye at 2:10.
Hey Cassanova, bring it on down.
Let's head to the barn. (fuck)
Bare feet and brown asses..
Your mom gave me these blankets. She's cool.
2:41 is the sun over a desert, for sure.
How will you live with the guilt?
Give me one chance, fancy, won't let you down.
I've Seen Better Days by Citizen King.
They're from everywhere. He's from here.
He's afraid of heights. What the heck.
(imagine it's like pleasantly swift piano, upbeat, with sort of trumpets as bass in the background, like... like an upbeat ragtime thing of... Say the tune of I thought the cops caught me smoking and he said no way. gets slower and more serious and impassioned towards the end, and lower too) I think the cops called the DEA to tell me I'm drunk. I think the post doesn't run because I'm pissing her off. I dreamed the monsters under my bed stay in pockets lined lead. Bang a gong get it on don't let it go to your head. I miss my old T.V. and oh my girlfriend, too. He thought the cops caught me smoking and he said no way. That hypocrite smokes nine rocks a day. Memories fade and the bad ones last, memories fade and the good ones fast. Eh I don't miss the past.... Laugh in the face of reason and sense, make up your mind don't stay on the fence. Dehydration and cold sores galore, there's one on my dick... fuck that makes four. Can't take a breath especially now, blockage in my throat fuckin' wow. Gotta get air through so swallow the beetle, let it crawl up and down to your feet....le, (that was feeble). Down sideways up back, if you're quick at this shit you'll get a knack. Gotta breathe age catching up too fast, steal it and smoke it and... eh, fuck it dude I don't miss the past....
There's my song for the night. Relax, heart. Ye ain't broken, now, boy? Good. Let's get broken again. Ain't that fun? Shooooooeeeee, that's fun. Heehee, yesiree bob. Motherfuckers.
I can't feel my ankle cause it's out of joint, like a fuckin' Romero extra's. From limping too long like a fucking retard around some set designed to look like fucking Hicktown, or some fuckin' mall. Fuuuck dude. Idiots. Nah just fucking with you, dude. I hope you included an eye exam in that script, because eye love it.
Hey, who won at Dream? Aoki or Shawshigeeira? Daley or Cody? We'll find out, Ronald.
Ooooh Donald. It's you again, Rumsfeld. Except you're like.... a mousy-haired fella now. Hey. How you doing? You.. you finish that book you were working on?
Ow that fucking ankle again. Motherfucking fish-faced faggot.
Weed makes me feel old sometimes. Alzheimery.
He's the wind, brother.
Kidney hurts. Hold on, buddy. It'll be okay. My kidney's like... my Siamese brother. He's part of me. Not just as an organ. I'm so emotionally attached to him. Because of the cancer thing. He's... My only link to life, it feels like, and... me being responsible is his only link to life, certainly. But.. I keep failing him. :( I'm a bad brother.
Which road do I follow? The one to fame or the one to shame? Easy choice for me at least.
No, it's not you. It's me, seriously.
Is that a reflection of a hisser?
LATER
Them steering wheels go bad way too soon.
That ain't spittle. That's drool.
Get them elbows off the table, Jethro.
You gotta either fuck me... or stop that teasing.
The bigger the bull, the bigger the balls, the bigger the spread of peanut butter on them balls.
Kitty's throat must have a popcorn machine installed. Or some sort of popping amplification.
A voice whispered 'Lee' in a raspy voice. Really raspy but soft and aloof.
Somewhere, the real world continues unaware.
Spider bites are my danger indicator.
The baby said "behind you."
Oh the baby sounds are Kitty meowing. Damn distortion of reality, Lee. Do it your own way.
Fat girls are so happy to be getting cock that they'll let you slap 'em and spank 'em and make 'em snort like a pig. Whatever kinky shit you want.
Puuuuut. It. Back. In. The. Box. No. Then, you're fucked. So.. do it. Nope, fuck you. It's in the box. You're in my imagination. You don't belong there. Shut.. the... fuck... up. (laughs derisively) Eh you're gone. You were never really there. Never really where? In your brain? You're just not there. You don't exist. You're a figment. Figments can be scary too, then. Yep, that's how it goes. Crazy is as crazy does. Well, you're gone then. My work is done here. I'll be back. 0.o
I nearly died.
Lenne Hardt is a fucking bitch.
I heard Stinkfist briefly. Something was in my air.
Toney ain't nothin'.
Bill Goldberg needs to go back to getting F5ed by Brock.
Now presenting Asian guy. Asian guy. Asian guy. Another Asian guy. Yakuza guy in the front.
Toney's dad is the God of Death fighting and the side leg check.
Mike Goldberg is a horrible announcer. Joe Rogan makes him look silly.
NaKUmuraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Where is Voicey McGee? That lady isn't here?
I watched it 200 times and the sexy man tapped twice.
Akiyama rocked Leben, but he just needs better conditioning and you can't leave your arms out in people's guards.
When are we going to see a fight?
Akiyama needs to learn how to fight and not take people down and sit there and get beat up.
Aoki is a pedophile. Raping kids and shit.
Kawajiri kills BJ Penn twenty times over and over.
What's with these little kids? Why are they showing kids? Because DREAM is for the children.
Bitchping might beat Akiyama. The question is, if Akiyama isn't in better condition than the Leben fight, is there any doubt that Bisping would pick him apart? But man, that's a slick fight stylistically. Two slick strikers going at it. Bitchping with his takedowns and Akiyama with his judo trips. Akiyama hits harder and has a better chin, so I'll go with him.
I like how Japan always leaves 2-3 fighters off the intros.
Cream of Sum Young Guy.
Can they drag this out anymore?
It's a royal rumble, duh. (about the opening intros)
Dream/Pride, honor and bushido. UFC, beer and whores.
JZ shall be in EA MMA.
I can't wait to soccer people in EA MMA.
Oh shit, table match! That was intense. (title table faceoff)
Moving off from Dream for a second.
Now I know why the black guy is undefeated. Look at his opponents. Lol.
He's doing the Diego staredown....
Serra-Hughes was the definition of lay and pray.
GSP does not LNP. He goes for subs and elbows.
He was in the same position for like eight minutes and threw maybe ten punches the whole time. You can't just sit in someone's guard for ten minutes. Fuck.
The first round was Nakamura's solidly. If anything, it was a draw. It wasn't Amoussou's either way.
Japanese officials don't let fighters get away with multiple minutes of non-action.
American MMA is skewed. It was launched off of a skewed reality television show.
"Stay down here with me, all nice and sweaty." The Voice.
Dude, I left and came back and it looks like a replay of the first round.
Trigg said that the rear-naked choke was the dumbest sub to get in. Hughes did it to him twice.
Give this fucking lay'n'prayin' Asian a yellow card?
World War 2 ended. It's okay to abbreviate now.
Did these guys start their training two weeks before the fight?
Fuck, I'm gonna fall asleep. Send in Manhoef.
A flurry of two punches. Welcome to Dream.
The ref is aggressive with those cards.
Yellow cards are fucking stupid. They're trying to save money on fighter payouts. Dream is trying to save some money.
The ref should be standing them up.
Not the guy on the bottom's fault cause he is getting LnP'ed.
Nakamura's second round, too.
Every punch Kaz lands from here on out is another bottle of vodka evaporating out of Vadim Finkelstein's pocket.
I think Asstomouth should win just for the flying knee.
Nakamura unanimously with the decision.
These guys hugged it out.
Trigg's defining moment as a commentator was the gogoplata that he labeled a triangle.
Karl ain't ready for the big leagues yet.
If you don't like ground fighting, why not just wait for the UFC replays of Ultimate Knockouts?
There's a big difference in body sizes for Japan fights.
Frank Shamrock is much nicer than his brother. He's the man.
Man, Uno was so good. Too bad he got messed up in the UFC.
Todd Duffee would own Overeem.
Uno sucks ass.
This ain't Dawson's Creek. Shit.
Uno is dope! He's not the best, but he is good. Or was good.
They both look like Aoki. (Ishida and... that other dude).
Corey Hill was the shit. Is he still fighting? He should be returning by the end of this year.
Anderson got armbarred by Takase. He was a nobody in Pride. He was 2-2 in Pride, both submissions.
Fifth round of Maia vs. Silva. Silva ran away from Maia when he wanted to stand and bang.
Coldplay doesn't exactly put the fear in an opponent's heart. (Ishida's entrance)
Put Anderson in K-1 and Gohkan Saki and the other fighters would kill him.
We don't need to hear the whole song.
If it was me fighting, I'd be coming in with Eye of the Tiger lol.
I'm giving him a yellow card for the walkout.
Bitch kick move (at the start of the Ishida fight).
Here comes the gay sex. (after the immediate takedown) Hope Ishida rapes that fag. Aah, not lay and pray again. *Ishida by lay and pray. PULL OUT THE YELLOW CARD! Stand them up. Boo! Lol. Japan cheers for side control. Yes, he passed... Japanese fans are really classy, as in they aren't drunk and retarded.
I fell asleep halfway through the Ishida fight and missed the entire event. So... that's why they call it Dream, eh?
JULY 10
Pack it. Light it. Now, take the hit then clear it. Blow out smoke out, then jam like three blind mice. And that whopper two-dollar selling half price. Smoke a bowl toke a J, who fucking said that crime doesn't pay? Busting on some honeys reppin' on Tennessee, blaze it up blow it out that shit's worth every penny.
Revolution Man by Union Underground and Leader of Men by Nickelback.
He sees them as weak, he sees himself as pure. Pink for weak and red for pure. His blood was pure while theirs was sullied and unremarkable. He knows he would prefer to spill unremarkable blood before he could ever have the guts to waste his own pure blood. He knows that this performance would act as a haunting presence in his wake. He sees these inferior beings as merely targets. Pawns for his rage if necessary. He would gun them down like ants in his coffee or a fish in a barrel. Same thing.
"Well, don't feel guilty, Sti. You loved him and you did all that you could for him. It's the thought that counts."
Otherside by RHCP.
Stranger thoughts could never chain my mind.
How long, how long will I cry?
I don't believe it's better to slit my throat, a gun it's all I'll never need... I'm screaming my guts. She doesn't know I'm still a slut. Stalin Stalin and she's in my bed. Pull the trigger and blow the head. Separate my sights. That 70s Show rocked my cock. Donna Donna Donna, I'm glad you changed your hair.
Ahhh ze coconut saliva.
Two stains I could never rid, of all the bloody blossoms. My advice is clear to me. If flowers bloom, it costs them. If you ripen before your age, I won't be apologetic. For my mistakes all it takes is common sense but too late, it's not gonna end 
if I don't win. So trim the grim leaves off your branches, and let 'em pile up at your roots.
Thought you were a raisin but you're gonna be a grape.
When I grow up, I want to be a kid. (when he's younger, shows.. honesty in the face of social pressure, like other kids doing it and making him think he's not normal, he says it hoping it's normal and in reality it is remarkable.)
I get light-headed and dizzy when there's a threat near.
I have comment approvals but yet I can't approve them. Approval denied.
"I think that whole he's at peace now, and in a better place, no longer suffering stuff is kinda.. not helpful. It's like the most unoriginal thing you can say. Not to mention, according to my beliefs, not true. Seems like being at peace, in a better place and so on is a religious innuendo. I'm not religious so I don't agree with it. Regardless, I do appreciate what's being said. Thanks all. :)" Kristi rocks. :)
You've always been unique. You could rock a cape but you say eh fuck it.
Pull the trigger and piss on the flag.
"In the beginning a patriot is a scarce man, hated and feared and scorned. But in time when his cause succeeds, the timid join him, because then it costs nothing to be patriot." -Mark Twain high as fuck back in the day.
Play pokers with the monster under my bed, bump fists with crackers named Larry and Fred.
Dicky Plunger, masked man.
I just ate the entire pot pie in two minutes, going at it nonstop, two bites a second.
Blood leaking down into my brain.
I'm proud of you. Not an awfully honest statement half the time.
What if some stoned kid like... walked into a grocery store, forgetting that he was carrying a gun that had been sitting in his lap when he parked? Chaos would reign and the kid would not understand why.
I'm even obviously high by text.
Fucking bullets
Grass and ass.
I heard the breaker box.
She didn't tell me. She seems busy, though.
I'm gonna play some Rock Band, dude. I got my guitar back, dude. Well I mean I stole Sam's guitar. But yeah. :)
Greed got the account.
Let them go see it, the kids will be fine. Dave, what if there's a guy with a hockey mask?
You will pack them into your soccer van and take them back to suburbia as fast as possible.
It seemed like a wise investment.
I deal with lowlifes all the time at work.
I can't stay here. Not now. Not with my kids. We're leaving in the morning.
Take those mannacles off.
Stand Dillinger up against a wall and shoot him. Just shoot him.
I'd like to see Paris Hilton vs. Miesha Tate.
I wanna pull a girl's panties aside and just eat her pussy.
Is it thundering?
Yep, definitely thunder.
Oooooh, she thinks God forgot her.
"Tell your friends not to think aloud, until they swallow. Whisper things into my brain, your voice sounds so hollow. I am not a leader of men. Since I prefer to follow. Do you think I could have a drink? Since it's so hard to swallow?"
"One day, up to a cliff that overlooks the water. I jumped in to save a girl. It was somebody's daughter. And now the ring that's on my hand.. It was given to me by her. And to this day we all sit around and dream of ways to get higher. To get much higher."
Through flames I could barely breathe, smoke was clouding my vision. Red eyes of the bluest sea, flew too high and I can only see the rain.
If You Could Only See the Way
Tonic - If You Could Only See
That's your business. True and business is good. Okay, sure. Hahaha so fuckin' uptight. The whole world is. I have no problem with it. I just don't do it.
The smooth style of the 90s.
So you know where your heart stands, the heart you give, I hope you understand why I feel this way about our love and what I must do. If you could only how blue her eyes and hear what she says, when she says she loves me.
Don't be stupid. It's a plant. It's weed, not fucking crack.
Censorship is so lame! Totally ruins the intensity of a track for no reason.﻿ Anybody who isn't a 3 year old knows that he's supposed to be saying "fuck" in that little pause.
She's such a buzzkill. She kills the fun. She sucks the fun right out of the room.
I'm proud to be an american. God Bless the USA.
Lights and Sounds by Yellowcard.
By The Way by RHCP.
I heard tonight that you wanted to be dead, thought it'd be nice to put a bullet in your head. Putting you out of your misery never seemed so fun. There's nothing scarier than being lonely, your only friend is a gun.
"I got weed on my back in a quarter-ounce sack."
"Green is my history, now that's no mystery."
"S.A. is my name and uh the green is my game. I ain't be trying to play girls but yeah that's the world."
"With my quarter-ounce sack and uh a piece on my back."
"With the blizzy in my hand, this is my special brand."
"Yeah my name is S.A."
"Yeah I ain't new to this shit."
"Baby, suck on my balls then you taste the gravy."
"I ain't gonna tell you to spit, girl, but you gonna suck my dick, girl."
"Because I am the one, yeah, like Neo was the One, yeah."
"Shoot up a block? You can suck on my cock."
"Get on these streets so I be a streetsweeper."
"I ain't playing girl so don't sue me girl. Just listen to my song, play it."
"Clap your hands girl, yeah it's SA and I'm gonna throw it to your ass ten times a day, I wanna hit that shit wanna make it go splat, I wanna be your homeboy yeah you know me because I wanna show you how I rep for Tennessee, yeah I love my boy girl."
"Selling is the name and yeah that's the game because I play it every day bitch, I'm just a gangsta boy long short, eh fuck it restart it."
"Smoking this it's the only thing that gets me free, my history is a little crooked but I take a look for you, standing there tall like I taught you, I messed up but I'm back, get my twenty ounce sack yeah Imma make you snitch, snag your girl from you now, I don't play the trip this is life so just get your life on track. I ain't playing with you, everyone's dead you ain't got it man, your daddy died when he was forty years old, you were four years old."
"Ever since I was four years old I've been told, every day I just smoke away life that I live, ya'll don't look at me like you make me fear, I ain't gonna diss shit I see it like that like it's on track, tin cans and bottles of Bud, play it right girl I don't warn you. What's up I made up that word myself?"
"My life is fucked yeah, got a Magnum and a Colt 17 nigga, took a shit in '96 but yeah that was gay dude."
"Twenty dollars grow yeah that's what I smoke yeah, here it is girl east bound and down."
"Smoking away our Sundays, why are we watching our lives waste away? Cold breeze and a summer draft, chilling in my home in Nebraska. Idaho potatoes and I want some Cheetos, yeah girl you know me better. Doctor Pepper in a bottle yeah, watching me push Full Throttle. Beef jerkey and cellophane makes me get a migraine. Watching the sun rise and the clouds rain, here I am son smoking out my brain. So man I am the one and I'm the man, here I come cause man my name is Sam. I won't see each road and the cars passing by. Yeah I stole ya'll flow."
"Watch me as I roll through the town and I see a cop and I put you on the ground, lend a hand to the hand-impaired, by the end of the day you see some brain cells popping out your head, here I come with a head full of egg shells. Take my juicy juices in your mouth, I'll show you how it tastes down South. Tom Mater in my factory."
That was all Sam, now me. Not rap though, Tool.
"Flying right in the dark night sky, letting it all go to my head. How can it be defeated in arms? How can it not be deeeee-feated?"
OJ Sizzles? OJ Sizzles is the siznit.
"I cannot go, I can't let it go and go. Blame it on... other demons, how can you be so devastated by that loss?"
"How can you not let it just go and go? I wanted to blame it on mouse trap symphonies."
Back to rap.
"The same shells we're picking off the ground in some fucking high school, that shit ain't right, fool."
"I keep on smoking all my troubles, stir the ashes damn shit thick as molasses. Blame it on the man upstairs or the man downstairs, shit ain't make a difference, answer gonna be the same. You is fucked."
"Let it rip slap the clip, blasting on them niggas ain't going halfway got your back I'm here to stay."
"Clickity clack clack someone's eating on a bone snack, knuckle sandwich to the face is better than a can of Mace, fuck his shit up and he'll fuck off."
"I'm out and high, too scared to die, I know I'm free now, ain't too free to see that you're locked inside and you ain't got a single hope of living. You scare me and only me, teach my hand to go where it needs to be."
Why is that chick in every video?
Fuck off, Rumsfeld. Get off my skull.
Okay it's a cozy living room with a black leather couch and a TV. A guy comes in with a girl, silent and realistic. They sit on the couch and make out for a bit, not too passionately but with plenty of feeling and groping at the right times, but no serious stuff yet. He unbuttons her blouse and begins to kiss his way along her neck while he's rubbing her pussy through her pants. And she's loving it, softly moaning. Not too over the top, believable soft moans. He takes her blouse off now and he's feeling her up through her bra as they make out again. When they separate after an appropriate amount of time, the girl is biting her lip and looking really horny. She gives him a quick peck on the lips again and then commands "I want you to fuck me." The guy of course does not hesitate and they both undress quickly, down to their underwear.
"I'm so broken I think I could die, I won't but I would without you."
The North and South miniseries.
Everyone has fears. It's how you hide them.
Hey, have you ever thought about what a human head getting hit by a .30-caliber bullet looks like? No, I can't say that thought has ever crossed my mind.... Hmm, I thought so. Mmm. Have you, by any chance? Oh yes, of course. I thought everyone did.
Red dice!!!!
Keep the hips moving constantly while you shadowbox randomly and wildly, like deep into a fight. And it'll be a lot better workout.
I just saw Hagrid in a Johnny Depp movie.
"You better throw us in jail then because we don't have a home."
I see nothing wrong with this greeting yet they see it as awkward.
I don't have a sister, bitch. That's not what you said last night. Bitch I fucked your cat last night. You and I both. Twice. Man, you got my sloppy seconds then, fag. Damn right I did. I bet you I could rape your ass. In Mario Kart and in real life. Mario Kart? What are you, forty? You have good math skills. If you don't play Mario Kart, you're upwards of ten years old. Dumb shit. Take that. Yeah. Rendered speechless. Looks like I win again. Thank you all for coming. Got distracted. I'll bet. Then you lost the gamble. Arbitrary lines will get you nowhere. Gamble. What a homo. Haha, just because I use words that you don't use, it doesn't make me a homo. I don't suck cock, like you. You are the homo. LOL.. You use commas wrong. You're a homo because you used a word incorrectly. I don't remember gambling shit. Now I'm going to say you suck cock because I'm funny and original. Hey man, you suck cocks. LOL. Ahahaha, homo. Wooow dude I am mad at everyone so I come on here and call everyone a fag because it's funny RIGHT? IS IT FUNNY YET? GET IT? BECAUSE LIKE FAGS ARE GAY RIGHT? SO IT'S FUNNY? LOL FAG.
The truth sinks of dishonesty, don't you agree I'm lying?
Your flaws brought you back into, into my world. I wish that we never leave the ones who love us.
LATER
Swim through a sea of problems, can't find a desert island with the moon on the horizon, can't catch a break I'm on an eighteen-wheeler... headin' south... Through all the troubles ahead and the pockets lined lead, I'll be here as your shoulder and you can cry on and on. Calmer days aren't so far behind, if you count tomorrow, thirty days and we'll have our home babe, don't cry no tears, they won't wash away none of your fears. Fake it till you make it, best advice ever so just take it and make it don't just fake it. Chill your brain out it's time to bake it.
Oh my god, you guys fucked. (Britt<3s Juanita's pussy).
Do anything to wake her up.
If you wake up next to a hooker, do not do ANYTHING to wake her up. Cautiously and silently, dress quickly and exit the premises pronto, 007.
Slam it, don't kablam it.
Chilling hard or hardly chilling?
God, my tooth is anticipating layoffs. Where is the Tooth Fairy?
Come on, dude. I'm high.
Anxiety pheromones have been exuded.
Mom's laugh is like a cackle.
I knew a Katsuya would win at Dream 15, but I did not think that it was Mizuno.
I didn't want to say I guillotined a guy. Yeah that sounds like a sex move.
LATER
Dude, Kasie has ass crabs among them dingleberries.
Being high is like being the copilot on your own body and the pot acts as your pilot.
The fear in me, it's not slowing me down. Dreams that we had.
Take Me As I Am by Tonic.
Do You Know by Tonic.
Let Me Go by Tonic.
Beef is so inferior to chicken.
I are hopping.
I did the breaver crunch and now I have to keep biting with jackhammering stuff. Quick bites and tenderize it.
Hey, memories are people, too, don't you know?
Feeling Way Too Damn Good by Nickelback.
LATER
I've got a quarter stuck in my toenail.
Bye, buddy.
Me and Sam played Old Maid.
Oh remind me that I've gotta replace the bowl.
JULY 12
There's a firetruck outside. O.o Hopefully they're just checking the fire hydrants. Is there a fire hydrant in front of my house however?
Sayin' you love but you don't, you give your love but you won't.
Eh first there's the breakup then there's the breakdown.
I didn't even know my brain had taste buds.
I have learned two things: I have learned that retribution is a cleaner path of the law... and never leave witnesses.
My neck has pulled its rip cord, it's poopyank.
Oh my God, I thought this was some sort of Irish punk singer movie, but it's Walker Texas Ranger! WOW! HOLY FUCKING SHIT! MY MIND IS BLOOOOWN! I'M SO RETARDED! HAHAHAHA. WOW!
This developer apparently built half of Dallas. This woman's husband died and she's like... She wants Walker's dick, you know what I'm saying? But she's afraid to show it. Her name is Alex or something.
Walker walks up and he's like "Your bodyguard is sleeping comfortably." What a badass line.
Retribution is the only way to cleanse the soul. And I've never lost a fight. "There's always a first time."
Walker episode "Payback."
"You're good." "Glad you like it."
Walker just spinning backfisted that bitch.
Walker's ducking his pole, hits him with an elbow and a spinning back kick. Then he front kicks him in the face. Walker gets an awesome judo throw through a table.
"Kill me, damn it!" "That would be way too easy, Ridland."
Even this cheesy show rocks.
My tank is full.
"When the eyes of a ranger are upon you.... you better know the truth of wrong from right."
Well, I guess that's my cue.
I stopped watching Walker for If You Could Only See.
My conscious perception is so well-tuned right now.
Once you ignore your self-conscious and conscience... you never get them back.
I left the purple popsicle in the ice chest, and... And I told her "I'll be back soon, baby, let me digest.'
I heard the clown horn. On a cold Nebraska night.
Holy sage, she don't matter. Window panes are paled with frost.
Keep on smoking till you can't smoke no more, and then smoke some more.
Tell me everything I'm known for.
Sell me bundles of truth.
Don't ever tell me, son.
When the day comes, don't cheat.
Don't ever tell me it's over.
LATER
Doowoop, shibbidydibbidydop mmmbop.
This business is moot.
I've been through a soul train in my life and home, it's no wonder I lost my miiiind. And I ain't never said how much I need you, I sure need you back and real fast. I know just thinking about you baby, you broke my mind. Our love just thinking about you baby, you know I lose my mind. Oooooh hold her tight, life with me is just so noticeably easy. But you stay here right in my mind, even though you ain't going to rue the day you came back to me, I still love every second. My love, just thinking about you baby, you close my mind. Oooooh the dying. You've been my friend and you broke my nose, I love everything I need, you make my love is strong though now I know where I belong, you never have to love her anymore. Anymore. My love, just thinking about you baby, you just blow my mind. My love, just thinking about you baby, you blow my mind. Ooooolder times. Oh yeaaaaah.
Over rhymes.
Something they can't understand, I live on the hand, treat her like a lady, you've got to got to treat her right, treat her like a lady, because you because you can't see, you've got the woman need, you've just got to treat. Treat her right.
The cop radio audio trip.
No, that's Donny's San Andreas game, he's getting chased by the cops and he's driving a cop car! That's been the audio trip this entire time, at least that trip.
It's the weed the simple way, don't blame her if she took my way. So much looking to leave. You can't see even though I need.
A skimtown girl on a Saturday night, a skintight boy feeling so wrong I'm right, it could cut you like a knife, it could give you tons of blood on the floor. Liters, maniac on the floor. She's dancing like she never danced before. She fights for the lie in the summer heat, you work for your money for that ride to the top, there's always a dare, kinetic heat strolling stretching for the heat, with her pair against the wind. She's dancing like you've never heard before. She's a maniac at your door and she's dancing like she never danced before. What a weird visual image.
I think my life plan is to work hard the whole week and on Friday night buy exactly seven grams of weed and smoke it out the whole weekend and maybe some on Monday evening if there's any left. Then keep on with the week strong and sober, rinse and repeat.
Dude, Mark Wahlberg on Entourage.
One day after the next, it's barely thirty after four and I can already hear her. Fuck buddies never gets stale unless she's the girl you're after.
You too, girl. I want to see if you got my money. Lift your shirt. I want to see some tit.
If that girl only hope is you, well I pray for her, because she's gone, baby. Gone. (Gone, Baby, Gone.)
Bitch, you better have my money.
Fuck around for a minute, and I'll throw that girl in the lake.
Dude, Morgan Freeman as a cop? This movie rocks.
I smoke the same way Gizz does.
He wants to separate us.
Chris Mullen.
My only child was murdered. He was twelve. You hear about it? No parent deserves to feel something like that.
My little girl died afraid and alone in a shallow ditch bank by the side of the road not ten minutes from my house. I know what it feels like to lose a child. Now, damn it, you force my hand and then you question the way I handle it. I honor my child with this division. So that no parent has to go through what I've known. This child. That's all I care about. I'm gonna bring her home.
Someone hit her! I can't see her!
Somebody took her out.
Something went in the water. Something went in. Where did it go? Oh, no. (He dives in.)
He let the beam of the flashlight rest on the body floating gently on the calm surface of the lake far below.
She could still be alive.
You asked me to find some people for you. I think I found 'em.
Come in with me. Watch my back.
If you don't want to come in, you don't have to come in. long silence Let's do it.
There's no such thing as no such thing. (Warehouse 13)
Back to Gone Baby Gone though.
Do you want to shoot her?
Go back to your room.
How much money's there?
He let the cocaine spill out on the floor.
They're definitely high.
S.W.A.T. will be here in five minutes.
We're not waiting. (He cocked the shotgun.)
Two shots smashed through the door and hit the officer in the chest, a third missed and sent splinters from the wooden porch rail. A fourth hit the officer in the neck. He went down and blood was everywhere.
Four shots sent dust up beside his body and helpers were forced to retreat.
He fired two shots at the door in return.
He kicked the bullet-riddled door open.
He was panting hard.
A man was lying facedown.
Gunshots echoed outside. Another. He fired up the stairs. The woman returned fire. She ran up the stairs and locked the door behind her. The door boomed and banged as whatever was outside tried to get inside. He backed up, aiming the gun at the door and panting.
It was an accident.
A woman was laying covered in a blood-stained blanket.
He kept repeating that it had been an accident.
A bloodstained rag was laying abandoned in the bathroom sink.
Another dead woman was sprawled on her back in the half-filled tub. Bloody water.
He shot the man in the face mercilessly after ignoring his simple plea to just 'wait'.
Ladies... hello. You have plenty of options, ladies. It's a way of life here.
He kept walking and walking and never seemed to get any further.
Hey... Are you okay? They told me what happened.. I'm proud of you. That man killed a child. He had no right to live.
You're proud of me? Of course I am. You did what you had to do. Let's go home. I have to stay here for a while. See you at home.
Most guys would have stayed outside.
I don't know. What don't you know?
It depends on who you do it to.
That's not how it is. Everyone has rights.
I planted evidence on a guy once... back in '95.
He couldn't find enough guys to rat out.
We go in, me and Nicky. Fifteen years ago, when Nicky went in, it was no joke.
Rats and roaches all over the place.
The kid's room, in the back, was spotless. It was immaculate.
There was no expression on his face. Tears streaming down.
This little boy just wants someone to tell him that he's doing a good job. I mean, kids forgive. Kids don't judge. Kids turn the other cheek. What do they get for it? So I went back out there. I put an ounce of heroin on the living room floor and I sent the father on a ride, seven to nine. You got to take a side. You molest a child, you beat a child, you're not on my side.
I wonder how big your dick is.
Man, if someone told me I could fuck Lily Thai but first I have to kill the president, then I'd be on top of the White House with twenty guns strapped on me in a second.
I love how your cock feels in my mouth. Not too shabby on this end either.
Do you want to cum inside? Do you want to cum inside my pussy? Cum for me. Yeah. Yes. Oh baby. Oh yeah. Yes, yeah. So good.
She has a fucking irritating midget voice.
Fuck you. Fuck YOU.
We killed ourselves trying to save Amanda.
Don't have a heart attack. I have been honest with you.
Cutting is like a weird form of masturbation. It feels so good. It makes me fucking psychotically happy for an hour. It's an addiction. It makes me happy.
She just fell. She fell in. She was gone. It was an accident. It was just an accident.
He was tearfully begging.
He coldly shot him twice in the chest with a pistol and he dropped and the shotgun went flying.
Say yes! Say yes! Say yes! He put the gun to his head. 
Do you think he'll like me? Who? My date.
Britt says a voice said ""Cut deeper hun, it'll make you happy. Do what makes you happy" when she's cutting. And ""Just calm down. Dont kill her, just five more months." when her mom is yelling at her and "Dont touch her, you cant touch her. You know you cant, dont go back to that..." when she's with Juanita.
Manswers sucks.
I just noticed it's thundering and raining hard.
LATER
Man, it's thudeirng and raiinsdging hard.
Monald Dahaffey is a strange but likeable guy. He just... is always honest. That guy ain't gonna fuck you over and side with that police car, boys. That shit just ain't gonna happen.
Oh god, I nearly suffocated trying to keep my limp head up. Like literally, it would have just sank forward without a care as to bone breakage. It would have snapped my neck completely. I was in a subhuman state right there. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Is that what being high is? Barely being able to keep your body afloat? Being high is like losing your fucking senses, not gaining a heightened sense of things and being! I'm gonna try to distract myself from this to... concentrate on my hands but it's coming back.
Fuck, broke my ankle again.
Now my pinkie toe.
Now I'm crushing my big toe.
Oops, twisting and grinding up that broken ankle real good.
Someone just dashed up the fucking stairs and they're beating down the front door and running down the hallway. They're knocking on the door.
Speakers are a lifesaver. They turn on music and drown out the knocking and the voices both.
I nearly had a heart attack and suffocation.
But at least I woke up.
Damn this broken, dog-dragging ankle.
My shoulder juts out like a nun's belly button, navel misbehavior and I just might sue.
Nearly dying multiple times in one night is the idea of fun for a human being. Gotta love this species.
She wins.
Damn, I was cranking on my right ankle using my left as leverage.
Being high draws OUT self-harm tendencies, not drawing them IN. Are you an INnie or an OUTie? Bitch.
Damn that thunder.
Pay attention to the TVand leave it alone.
Your elbow's fine. Your right elbow, entire lower cage caveside and framebase.
Blame it on the nickel-dimin', blowin' on me for diamonds, bitch be spankin' and makin' me wakin' and takin' her shit blam! ain't giving me shit, damn! a hundred degrees crammed, up in your bitch ass and your skank mom's trou. Boo hoo motherfucker why you be hatin'? Ain't like I ain't be datin' your sister as well! Damn motherfucker does she always look like she got buttfucked, what you wanna do with a sister with free anal mustache rides for two, blame it on the genetics dad couldn't hit a home run if he was God, shit bitch I bet you're just as dim, you try to power a lightbulb and fuck up, damn motherfucker ain't like it takes a genius mind, to light a lightbulb you fucking tard, flick the light switch bitch.
What's that clink sound? Like spurs or something?
As other vans check out the damage, they don't realize the danger they're in.
Luckily, an official spots the fire and uses a local firefighting technique to extinguish the flames.
Trying to navigate the same jump on the landing strip, it's Caesar's turn to be trapped in a potentially iron keg.
They've got to act fast to safe Caesar.
Oh great, another broken pelvis, I'll have the same end as fuckin' Elvis.
Shit, I hate the broken left arm sensory trip. Let me guess: left elbow, on the first ridge up from the edge. Definitely broken badly. On the right side of the forearm, about four inches from Burn 1, east and to the north slightly. It's swollen there for sure.
Wow I just armbarred myself. Fortunately, I can't feel anything.
Ah the first alien beep audio trips have come upon me.
The ghost tugging my brain.
There's the knocking.
Wow fighting stoned, I'm a monster. I fought right through a haaaard stitch in my side, barely breathing. Punching all over the place with excellent combos. I'd fuck some bitches up.
I just practiced a good walking forward combination. Left cross, right cross, left cross, right uppercut. Feels really natural to me. Try it, quick hands. It'll feel natural as fuck, just put the shoulder into it.
I'm exhausted and my heart rate is high. I should pause.
There's something about a stairway that attracts guys with wheels. (Sports Crash)
The third time does not prove to be the charm.
As we slow it down, what went wrong comes into painful focus. The front of the bike catches the stair and stops violently, tossing him off flying headfirst with nowhere to go but rock-hard cement.
A fiend is a bad thing indeed.
You start doing that blackout thing. I was just like 'Ugh, here it comes.'
Every time he takes it over that jump.
That is the amount of vowels in my name. Five.
That is about the amount of veins in my brain. Five.
How many pages did the last book you read have?
What was that beep? Or was that a warning beep that I nearly suffocated? No, shit. There was a loud beep in the middle high right side of my brain matter mush.
Doom is pretty much the best game ever.
Mom's here. I thought her tires were a bass system though. I was suspicious.
A credit card receipt. I got a name.
Police are bringing him in now.
We don't like it when the bad guy walks.
Man, C.S.I. blows.
She's playing Barry White. Louis knows what that means.
Eric and Dylan were kneeling. They shoot themselves. Klebold, with the less powerful gun, simply collapses onto his side on the floor. Eric is blown straight backwards by the force of the shotgun blast ripping his head open and he lands in a seated position and sprawls with the upper top of his body against a bookshelf.
She owes you twenty bucks for that CD.
Janice is a good name.
It takes a lot of courage to do this. Thank you.
I don't want him to see it. He can see it in jail.
I know he raped me.
Copy that, we'll put it on the wire.
We hooked up at a party in seventh grade. It was great for a bit, but it was just about sex.
We got a sixteen-footer on each side.
Las Vegas P.D., break it up.
It's just the way it is.
Is that your daughter? No. I mean, well... She's a teenager now.
Bad things happen to people who never expect it. Every day.
Women's feet chose him.
His mother was a hooker. She put him under the bed while she did her business. Her feet dangled over the edge of the bed.
Juries want meaning. It's that simple.
So how do you cope with a day like today?
I stay out all night. I don't sleep.
You think you know what it's like to be a cop?
You're all done with this. Get out of here.
Everyone larns from science. It all depends on how you use the knowledge.
"I Like To Watch" C.S.I.
Mama's back. With chili.
Lock your door. Haha, that's Mom. Reminding me to lock myself away from her.
All of this cheefy goodness.
Get wit it.. Yeah... Uh-huh. Yeah, uh-huh. Got it let it get let up on them twentys, bang it with a Caddy girl ain't no need to fuck wit it.
This pussy needs a good licking.
I like to just... barely touch it.
Oh my God, this is fucking hot.
I didn't know what I was missing.
She's humming on the clit.
Oh fuck, look at this pussy. She's so tight.
That amateur BJ video in the dressing room looks like a Wal-Mart job interview.
That's some pretty hardcore thunder out there.
Fuck No-No.
Fuck fish tacos.
Fuck Chef Boyardee.
I'm going to hit the bed. Hell of a day, bray. Better pray. Now I lay me down to sleep, let me keep smoking that holy shit.
July 30... I mean 13th...
Oh man, so much to tell, so much to say, so much time spent taking the backstreet. Shit. You'll never know if you won't go. Hey now, you're a rockstar, get your game on, go play. Hey now, you're a rockstar, get a groove on, bust a move. You might as well beat it, you hate it if you can't date it so smack that bitch up.
Oh wait... I forgot something important, a quote. Or a feeling. Both.
Hehe it's a bumble bee!.... It's a toy plane!... No it's SuperKristi! Rofl made everything smaller since I'm short. :D
Heeeey lee what's devil's advocate mean? I asked Joseph but he's a dur da dur and his answer sucked.
I am so inescapably inexplicably irrevokably magnifirifficently high.
He's down there. Yeah.
Meghan Pritchett.
It has a kinetic pitch?
I can't take this anymore. I've come too far... But I can't take you anymore.
You're a bitch.
Wow, the underlying themes are insane.
You are a boy. Wow.
They stopped briefly. They've retreated.
The shadow looms above. It's hovering over my heart, it can't blot away... Our love.. I'd fight it for you every day. Not a sip of water or a glass of beer will wash the taste of fear in losing you, I can't lose you, I can't take a breath anymore, my heart is yours for the breaking, forsaking any and all others, I need for you to be mine. And I need to be yours, too.
Hmmm, burning is tempting.
I try my best to know stuff.
Oh, bigger is better. I meant the font.
Sayin' you love but you don't. You give your love but you won't.
But I used Wikipedia for that question there.
Britt says she loves burning and wants me to see.
I've tried for an hour to find TeenHut but kept going to Student.
I found a cigarette sitting beside me. A gift from God, perhaps, this heavenly shaft of carcinogen filth otherwise known as a cancer stick?
Saliva to the eye and we never say die. Avenge the narcissistic rage, they can't cage this pain any more. Let it out burn 'em up and throw away the key, a bullet has no pity and neither do I, you can't take pity on men of his kind even though he now takes it in the behind, date rape!
Zam wham bam blitz to the fritz, thank you, ma'am.
Breathe by Nickelback.
Weed is the best thing that ever happened to my cardiovascular program.
I caught my phlegm before it entered the bag. Weed is also dangerous to my heart 
rate. It should be checked every.... five minutes of shadowboxing.
Mom left for work so.... great.
Everything was entirely perfect.
LATER
"What's up, Shawn? Eddie?" the terrified boy asked. He was crouched on a tile floor with his hands raised up over his eyes to shield them from the sight. "What are you guys doing?" 
A crazed grin split the face of the younger boy in the pair of young killers. "Killing a cop!" he responded after another whoop of joy as he fired another bullet towards his target.
"Huh, that's cool," the terrified boy exclaimed. "How many points do you get for each kill?"
The other boy -- the oldest of the duo -- had a similar less-than-sane smirk on his lips. "Depends on the body count, Nate."
(Theyre actually playing a video game. Alude to it later during the shootings. Like... different situation, same words, same descriptions. Get it, dum dum?)
Eyes seem to be very exposed to the air. Maybe eye numbness? Uhhh a lot of joint pain. Feels like broken bones a lot when there isn't any. (Do you feel that with pot though?) No, never.
Ouch my spine has touched the floor.
Oh, fuck her. I wouldn't touch that. Ha. Hahahahahahahaha.
Pale? In comparison to what?
Do an asshole pose and look smart.
I thought my Xbox redringed hours ago yet fifteen minutes ago. It's fine though, now. God bless weed.
I'd die for a movie of Guns of the South. Even if it sucked, the battle scenes would make me cream my pants.
The 360 sucks. The original Xbox NEVER broke. The PS2 had all of those lens problems. And the Game Cube was just as tough as the Xbox original. The Wii is pretty tough. The PS3 doesn't have as much of a failure rating. But the 360 fails like a black man.
I love Kristi. :D I just smiled like THIIIIIIIS big when she texted me. :)
I can't wait for sex virtual reailty. I mean yeah, won't be as good as the real thing but still, you could have sex with Anne Frank and Adolf Hitler's neice in the same day. Virtually of course.
Something's gotta go wrong because I'm feelin' way too damn good.
The mom's cackle audio trip is Donny firing the pistol on San Andreas.
LATER
Better believe it: my gang is hood, better believe that better be understood. Something's gotta go wrong cause I'm feelin' way too damn good.
We have ... GUNS! We fucking have them you motherfuckers! We have them now! We are past the point of no return!
The recoil was putting a lot of kinetic pressure on their arms.
Stop asking for Andre! You are talking over precious evidence!
The guy that runs away and screams 'fuck you' is the fucking master. The guy that said 'fuck you' is my fuckin' hero.
The guy who said 'fuck you' possibly has the biggest balls in the world.
The guy who screamed "Fuck you" is a legend. The guy who was like "Fuck you!' is my all-time hero (and the response from someone else) I wish that bitch got shot. Mad props to the kid that took off running and said 'fuck you'. That takes balls. I think that the real hero here is the guy that shouted 'Fuck you' to the killers.
They won't be condemned to anything because there is no maker. They're six feet under in an endless sleep. Deal with the shit and stop bringing up your incompetent God."
I love the 'fuck youuu' guy. Not in the homo way. That 'fuck you' guy is the hero here.
Weak-minded cowards, that's what they were! I'm surprised that they had the guts to kill themselves. They were a waste of good bum wipe anyway.
Where were the police? Cowering outside like little girls holding a perimeter, while these two assholes systematically killed everybody? Shame on the police.
I love how that one guy got away then screamed 'fuck you'. I'm trying to figure out what was so important in that bag. Honestly, if I was going to take off running I wouldn't go after my bag. That bag almost cost him his life. But I must say the 'fuck you' made me laugh.
They had time to run. Instead, they went under the desks.
That guy with the bag did the right thing at the right time. I respect him.
I was watching a show and this guy says "Last night me and my cat got way too friendly and... well afterwards I sniffed my finger. She's still calling at my door Tuesday morning hahaha."
You motherfuckers best be waiting on your revenge. Because ours comes first and it comes bloody.
Being on Crunky Monkey is like struggling to stay alive and your body's on lockdown. How many doors you gotta bust down to try to make sense, of the facts and failings of this shit you're on.
I don't know how many times I wake up drooping and see a drip of drool go flying away from my lip.
I'd love you even more if you could suck dick.
I'd love you even more if you would suck my dick.
I'll love you even more if you can suck dick.
I'll love you even more if you would suck my dick.
You fucking slut, you're not wearing any panties!
What are you doing? You're so drunk. You are so drunk. You're totally wasted. (Can I bite it?) Yeah, you can bite it.
You bitch... you're so crazy. You are so crazy.
Want some honey, honey? *kissing* Want some honey, honey? *kissing*
You were such a tease tonight flirting with those stoner guys. They wanted your pussy so bad. Too bad they're not gonna get it.
I think I drank too much.
You looked so hot tonight. *kissing* You, too. *kissing* Yeah.
Look at you, you're already getting wet.
You just want to hurt me, don't you?
I want some fucking pussy. Take it.
Does that feel good? All I know is keep your fucking hand there.
Put your mouth on my dirty cunt. It's not dirty. It's pretty.
My toes, the last left two, feel like the Sahara Desert.
Later
The best thing is the signs, oh when you see every star looking down from the sky... the sky aligns for you.
I just exhaled stale smoke that had been in my throat for weeks.
My lungs are ravaged by this multitude of nuts.
The more you hold the smoke in, the more you get high.
My closet door just creaked open, but it's closed. O.o
Wec 26, Condit-Alessio. It'll tie up so many ends.
Don't be shy, you fucking pig.
More smoke exhaled.
More smoke exhaled.
More smoke exhaled.
No doubt this could be a harder thing to bleed.
Contraptions old and new.
Leader of Men is so underrated.
Dim lights can get much brighter.
"I wouldn't say a single word to them. I would listen to what they had to say and that's what no one did." - Marilyn Manson. He makes the Christians involved look like idiots. Why? Because he thought for himself.
I have almost depleted my stock of herbs.
Use this font from now on.
Gonna go finish the last of the blessed chocolate incense.
LATER
The foldin' dishtowels and cleaning cat piss days are over.
Foldin' fish.
Foldin' glasses.
Frozen molasses.
I should go and watch some fuckin' porn.
Let's go and make some magic porn. You be Harriet Houdinette and I'll be... some wizard dude, like Merlin.
If you could only see how bored your life's made me....
I keep hearing Mom's voice saying something about a soldier and a username.
It's so much nearer here.
So make me a superstar.
I did. I just don't remember what it was.
I hit the lucky numbers.
Add, multiply, divide.
They have the numbers and the little numbers on top. I can't remember them.
DON'T stop, drop the nigga with a double tap. BOOM blam bombs bursting in plain sight, multiple murders the same night, no psychos suffering from stage fright.
A voice said "Lee" softly but warningly. Then explaining politely, "I want to be your key, Lee. Your key into madness."
"Lee, listen. Listen, Lee."
No, I don't want this anymore.
"Lee" said a male voice behind me.
No more voices.
They are two little angels. This is not incest as it can only occur with a male between his mother, sister, daughter or grandaughter. A female is guilty of incest if she has intercourse with her grandfather, father, brother or son. Note that geandson having a fuck with Grandma is perfectly permissible. Why? It was assumed when the law was written that no Grandma was of an age to procreate, which was the whole purpose of the law of incest being introduced. I rest my case.
Now, it's your time to take it like a bitch. Actually, you are a bitch.
Miltons.
Mine don't twitch. They usually kick. Mine like twitching.
Suck it, bitch.
Your sister's pretty fucking good.
LATER
Donald, what is he needing?
I'm the smartest retard on the bus.
The Mom and Donny fighting auditory tripout is Mom doing that kitty translation.
Damnm, this beef jerky is the shiznit.
And oh wow a wild Dr. Pepper appears. But where? Oh, there.
I hate literally traveling. At any addition.
"Seems the road less traveled shows happiness unraveled. And you gotta take a little dirt to keep what you love. That's what you gotta do."
A song/story about a boy who bonds with his computer like in Christine and he starts to notice that songs begin to specifically make him forget to breath
Ah, the new bodel. Disappear.
You can battle to the top, to the body high.
"Lee, turn down the music."
Kristi's just... too fucking perfect in my mind. :)
More smoke exhaled.
I fucking hate this "I'm not too thrilled about this either" commercial. Or the "Alright, let's get this over with."
More smoke exhaled.
I heard the keyboard claxon.
"You're no longer in my Five."
Making love was just a bright new day to dawn.
All by myself. Don't wanna be all by myself.
It happened out of boredom.
I'll tell you one thing we haven't done.
That's how stars are born, I think.
Coughed some smoke out.
JULY 15
I ain't playing with this nigga bitch, he's the son of a bitch who can't even get laid, he can't even spread the legs of Rosie O'Donnell, which is a gigantic feat of strength.
This could result in a merely catastrophic failure.
Damn my high is almost gone. Why do they die so young?
Sunday, July 25
Don'tpickachick mention.
WHAT IS THIS?!
Spoogin' in the name of it.
Here I cum on your face bitch, here I am here I am throw your ass in a ditch.
Here I cum bitch right on your face, here I am bitch controlling this race, every day and every night I fuck your shit and ceiling's bright, here I am girl I'm huge, twist you upside down endless side up suck these toes in a lemon snitch, fuck this bitch up because I'm a hose nigga.
In the streets of Cookeville I will rise x2, here I... um, every day, here I um... put you in your place, here I um... run to the funeral of his cousin, here I am bitch I ain't a dime a dozen, here I am bitch rolling through hell, here I am bitch and every day I wanna see you I wanna fuck you in your armpit.
White boy bound but I still see, what this world has to offer for meeeee, and uh and uh and uh see you in your place but I ain't gonna face you, you gonna see where uh uh uh race is, I show you what it's like to be like me, strike upon a tree and nobody can see, uh uh uh, yeah trees in the ground and rocks and the centipedes, water in the van every day I see and I drive a little gerbil, like I said hammer shit and come out new new kid new kid on top, because naturally I ain't ever gonna stop.
Now I see what the world does offer me, every day my eyes can see, what exactly in front of me
Where's the next fluid station?
Where's the next hallucination?
I drank out of both of them. I don't have herpes. That's a nice way of putting it. It was so quaint.
You were sitting right there and I blew it on you.
This'll be good for like a minute. Very true. That's how long Feelin' Way Too Damn Good feels way too damn good.
I'd nuke 'em without hesitation the first time they threatened me personally like that. Boom. North Korea's not on the map anymore. But fortunately for the world, I'm not president.
Ahh yes. All the citizens in North Korea deserve a 10 megaton blast obliterating everything around them because their government got personal with you...
Just my opinion. Don't worry, you don't have to be scared. I won't nuke you.
Purple tattoos and blood-red piss.
A heavy heart weighing in scarred and trampled.
It's porn time.
I have psychic hearing and claustrophobic ear rings. Prince Albert in my nose, a good shave each day who needs one of those? Braces on my teeth, they lend no comfort except to hide the crooked smile beneath.
Okay NOW it's porn time, Leesopher.
I like big butts when I smoke some pot, you other mothas can't deny. When a flame pops tin with an itty bitty spark and burns right down your throat, you bust a lung when you party up front and you notice that hit was rough, deep in them music blaring, you're hooked and you won't stop caring, oh baby I wanna get wit ya and lay some pipe in ya. Hahahaha that was completely inappropriate, dude.
Ah, I remember that taste. Rich. Like broth. Proteiny as broth, anyway.
Use your whole arm up and down.
I'm spent.
I'm going to partake of a stick of paper lit on fire consisting of cancer and death.
Sex with your best friend -- as long as she's female -- would be the best thing ever.
No matter what I feel, I can't change it anymore, I can't take this anymore.
It's tearin' up my heart when I'm with you. When we are apart, I feel it, too.
My breath smells like moss and do I detect a hint of minty freshness?
Oops, I made an ouchie. Ouch, I made an oopsie. Whoopsie daisy here we go.
"I made the mistake with Liddell and I no longer have him as a friend so... strictly business."
"Three minutes per round... or five minutes per round."
"I can't say how much I'm getting paid, because the UFC doesn't allow that at all. But I've made enough money to support my kids. I just want to get in there, kick some ass and get my world title back."
"Let the beatings begin."
"Anybody at 205 can't be my friend. This is business, strictly a business."
"His time's not now. You won't see any shit-talking from me about Matt Hamill."
"I'll cave his face in. No bad feelings, no bad emotion. Just uh.. punishment."
"I'm going to beat down Matt Hamill. In a nice way. For once."
I want to see Dan Miller vs. Kendall Grove. Anthony Johnson vs. Daniel Roberts.
I like video games. In my opinion, they really help me to become a more aggressive and confident gunman.
Did you know the members of Hatebreed never use mouthwash?
I am a fucking beast when I just don't care.
That deodorant smells like vodka.
He can't talk shit. You gotta be good to talk shit.
I even shocked your doll, motherfucker.
These niggas talk so much shit and they don't even have any idea what the world is LIKE.
God, I am a fucking beast right now.
Your vagina smells like roast beef. Looks like it too. Eww.
Don't live all your life in the moment.
Alexandro Callibrassis, whatever happened to that fella.
Look at that. Get a life, bro.
I got my froglegs and I'm feelin' fine.
My last stand skills and kills are on point tonight, for realsies.
My high shall return soon enough and everything will return to normsies.
He caught me from behind. Two in a row.
Ooooh... Eddiiiiieee.
Musical rape. That's what Slipknot is.
He didn't even move. He just stood on the bomb.
He's coming for yo ass.
Beautiful photograph.
Why are you staring at his balls? He's gay.
My right arm is retaining water like a sewage plant in Nebraska retains corn.
It's 4:22 man. I missed 4:20. Bummer.
Solid shooting, man.
Woah woah.. Arbies?
I don't even shave my boobs.
I wanna touch all you guys out there.
Just in case my dick don't wanna go in there... I'll take a fucking lawnmower and get a weedeater and everything. A leafblower.
I used to call my friend Austin when he got fucked up.
Back out. I hate this map. Back out. I'm just kidding. I'm just kiiiidding.
Your bitch-ass green motherfuckers, bush-eating.
I ride a cow.
Fucking, alright?
I like baked berries in steam-rolled candy wrappers.
The doctor confirmed he needs healing.
Hop on her.
Why are you mad? Hey man. Hey eight-headed freak. I didn't see it. I see him all the time. Why are you high? Are you high? Oh, cause it's cool. You can't even fuckin' talk. Fiiiine. I'll use up your bitch ass. You're bad, Eddie. What the hell do you think you are? It's not bad. You're lucky I can't do that. If I could right now, he'd be climbing a peach tree and sniffing the hairs. Oh, how did I die?
Oh wow we won. I had no idea. Cause I got hiiiigh.
Shame on you.
Oh woah, woah, WOAH man. Oh woah woah wah.
Alright dude, I'm out. Peace.
Don't hang out with him no more. You heard him. He wants you to suck his dick.
Your mama told me how you were retarded.
Oh shit, he's online.
I need a refill of Haterade, please. Thanks.
My dogs would eat my shit before they ate yours because you're so fucked up.
We can all streak A, watch. See, what the hell did I tell you? Are you stupid? (Yes) What time limit is it? Four thirty-seven. He's postured. Are you seeing me? Four thirty-seven. Honolulu, Texas. Come find me, bitch. Everything's bigger in Texas, including hot dick. That looked like a triangle fucking knife.
We made it through, but nevertheless.
Right wrist feels hurt.
Fufu got poked.
Nevertheless, I got you.
FucU.
Hey, I'm coming for A.
Shoot down that jet. Nice shot.
Shick Xtreme 3 Sensitive Peaux Sensibles.
Gummi Turds. The incredible new turd-flavored gummy candy we all remember and love. They're shaped in four fun sizes including the Coiled Cobra, my personal favorite. There's also the upper decker, which costs extra.
Don't you want to hurt me?
We are about to fucking lose, dude.
I'm too stoned for this cheese to melt.
It's four forty-three, interestingly enough.
Oh wow we just lost the game. So did I.
That's not gonna bring your mother back, is it? She's dead.
Nice overhand right.
Let me guess, Matthew Maconahey is a psychic.
Is that dude from Nip/Tuck? No.
You were on my list.
Oh, he's the Grim Reaper.
No, he's a religious maniac.
God knew. That's why he sent me.
He carried the body in a fireman's carry on his shoulder.
I'm an FBI agent. They'll come looking for me. No they won't. They'll keep looking for Fenton. You're going to be his last victim.
God'll proect me.
He chopped down with the axe.
The movie title is Frailty. It's almost over.
I told you. It's just a blur.
All the tapes look like this.
God damn it.
Fenton Meiks.
Wesley Doyle.
There's no one here, sir.
A bloodstained wallet.
Is he down there, too? Not him.
Holy shit, he's also the sheriff. Ironic. Cops suck.
Why don't you come on around back?
God's Will has been served. Praise God.
I can't wait to get some pussy, dude.
These friend requests are getting to be exhausting mentally.
Sweet, caught the start of Rocky 3, during the Thunderlips 'fight'.
Eat your cereal before it sinks.
I'm feeling kind of hungry, but I'm fighting it.
Going to the gas station to get food dubiously enough.
Mikey Pritchett.
I got Cheetoes and two beef jerky sticks.
LATER
My forehead feels sweaty and wrinkly but it's merely furrowed.
Old Man River, you're moving kind of slow.
I got just the recipe to loosen them bones up.
This is The Rookie.
Funny. Dennis Quaid was in The Rookie and Rookie of the Year. His nickname should be The Rook.
Judges could literally be blind.
This is some hokey-tokey music.
A basketball court. Take a look around.
We ain't in Kansas anymore, are we, Bill?
Oh wow, P2 is next.
Fly Away Home! Classic.
Sneaky primetime vertebrae.
Wildlife will be back, backed by the golden glow.
They're flying. And honking. Cause they're geese dude..
It's that time for porn again, not just because of Anna Paquin either.
She's in the sky. She's all around you.
Okay now porn time.
Don't be afraid to go down, man.
I didn't even know that was Tori Black.
Fare thee well... My own true love. Farewell for a while. I'm going away. But I'll be back. Though I go ten thousand miles. Ten thousand miles. My own true love. Ten thousand miles or more. The rocks may melt. And the seas may burn. If I should not return. Oh, don't you see? That lonesome dove? Sitting on an ivy tree. She's lookin' for.... her own true love. As I shall be for mine. Oh, come here back. My own true love. And stay awhile with me. If I had a friend.... on this earth. You've been a friend to me.
She's licking the icing off his chocolate dick. Nice. Brandi always rocks.
God, that tongue piercing.
He drew a smiley face on her ass with red icing. Nice.
Laurance Wiese and Kayla Popp would make a good couple. So would Sara Fillmore and C. Lewin Webb. Elizabeth Senyi and Bill Hagan. Mark Hryma and Mary Chapin Carpenter.
Another best friend video.
Oh God, I'm gonna miss you.
Oh, that's so good.
It even looks like my dick.
Let me see your butt. Okay.
He got the herpes as an extra freebie, though.
Trailer trash with herpes on full display for the camera. Hope they both visited a clinic afterwards.
*Kool-Aid man bursts in* OOOOH YEAH!
I think she's cute and would love to fuck her.
I tell ya what, that's how we get on back there in the hills. Buck teeth, ten kids and a heck lot of 'oh yeah' and the Lord's name for he is always with us. Lol, what a waste of time.
She needs a larger vocabulary.
No one ever got rich overestimating what the American public wants to taste.
You...look great.
Working Girl with Melanie Griffith.
We'll go through all of that at the hotel.
What the fuck is Arbitrage?
It's the wrong tape.
Resume and resume are different words indeed.
I like to see hard work rewarded.
That oughta get you started.
Never burn bridges.
Oh look, Sigourney Weaver.
So is every Tom, Dick and Harry.
Did you tell them it was me?
Let me suck your cock.
Fuck John. John doesn't do shit for me. Take your pants off. Let's see what you got in here.
I think Sig fucked Melanie.
Barbados would be a shitty vacay yo.
Smile big for everyone, even when you know what they've done.
We gotta make love just one last time in the shower.
My name is Lee Anderson, obviously. I can't count the number of times I've changed this About Me because I'm rarely satisfied with anything I say. Anyways... I'm eighteen, I'm gonna be nineteen next April 18. That's... that's about it.
Bitch speaking Japanese.
I stab you with a Crayon and then close it. Colored orangutan, hell that's racist.
It's nine-ten.
Gonna head on Omegle. It's an excellent waster of time.
I will learn to fly.
Did you know Superman's dead?
Do you enjoy pie as much as I?
You literally just ate her hair pie.
Do you enjoy hair pie as much as I?
It's nine-fifteen. I killed five minutes. Fuck you, Omegle.
I would marry Kristi. :)
Ohhhh Sam taught me to blow smoke rings. I'm an official badass, except I have teeth.
There's a quarter pinned and wedged halfway under my computer tower. I wonder how it got there. I ponder what sequence of events led to it becoming trapped there, imprisoned there, beneath the tower. The Two Towers.
2014. That's when the world will end. Not 2012. Mark my words.
1986 is when it should have ended. Not 1984.
Mom's up. Shitola.
Oh the Butch and Sundance end gunfight.
Oh damn that horse faceplanted.
A constant volley of gunshots, never pausing.
He took shot to the chest and another to the leg. A third bullet ricocheted off the wall next to his head. They stumbled through the doors, forced to take cover. Each man had half a dozen gunshot wounds.
You never could shoot.
Is that what you call running?
Bandidos yanquis, eh?
What if Nelson knocks out JDS? What then? HUH?!
Skittles are the fruit of my womb. As KFC is the transplanted courage.
Dr. Pepper rocks undeniably hard.
I don't want to hear it.
Australia.
It's the latest in-- in a long line.
They speak English in Australia.
They got horses in Australia. And they got thousands of miles to hide in.
No swimming. It isn't important.
The women are easy, ripe and luscious.
At least think about it.
Alright, I'll think about it.
For a moment there, I thought we were in trouble.
Hey.
They ran out.
Fuego. Fuego. Fuego.
More best friend porn now.
Are you cumming?
Mom's back.
It's also 9:37.
9:43 and I just came.
There's a drink waiting outside my door. Fuck.
9:44 and I've returned from my sojourner to the refrigerator to place my drink inside.
I'm gonna wake Samalammadingdong up for a smoke-a-da-bowl.
Sam wants me to wake him up in fifteen minutes, at ten o'clock.
Khazira.
It's nine forty-seven.
I could play some Call of Duty until ten, I suppose.
A cigarette first and then Call of Duty it is, sir. I shall return.
Dude hold on, I still got Cheetoes left.
Okay now I'm goin'. Nine forty-eight.
God-damn, these socks are comfortable. Okay, now I'm goin'. Nine forty-nine. Lucky number.
9:55.
Went to piss. 9:56. Gonna play Xbox nonetheless. Nah, I probably won't. Yeah I will.
I have finished playing and it is officially 10:22. Gonna wake Sam up after I change the font in anticipation of my upcoming hiiiiigh.
LATER
Oh yeah this one will rock just fine.
I think I broke two of my fingers.
Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there... with some marijuana.
Let Daddy get his fingies in it.
Oh My God, it's in there. That's what she said. Oh god how did it get there? It's like magic. Oh God how.
You dirty wanker. You stupid dirty wanker.
Why does everything sound wrong?
Be a bro and give me a cheeto.
Back. Not really stoned anymore but still cloudy. And the skies are not sunny all day. But it can't rain all the time.
Man, Donny has no resistance to the fools.
I'm feeling sleepy, and it's only 1:47.
August 4, Ten Sixteen Pee Em
These are my stoner thoughts, bitch, my stoner rhymes without a single fucking snitch. Bitch you wanna snitch you gonna cop a stitch. Motherfuckers be bustin' on my baby's mama, nigga ain't even got a dick. It's about the size of a little bitty baby tick. My baby's mama got the ass and she proud. Yo baby's daddy likes to stick it in your ass and pound.
I fucking love Jesus. I mean, pot.
My sweaty angel.
My sweet angel, so help me pot.
The pencil existed only inside the bag.
The pencil existed only buried beneath the baggy eyelids of Martha Jenkins.
So help me, Jesus.
Shrewdness is in the ears of the beholder's wife.
Nigga, pop lip you gonna cop a knife.
What are you looking at, James Patterson? Holy shit, that's really his name. I guess I'm not so really crazy after all.
The stupid comments are made of gold.
And silver cufflinks, too.
Dude, Chael Sonnen's gonna rape Anderson Silva at UFC 117 and Anderson Silva is going to like it. Wow, I guess MMA really is gay. Oh well.
Just like the roach and his Hummer flaps.
Well I was thinking if you were lonely, maybe we could leave here no one knows. It's not to the point, don't even think so. Everyone here knows everyone here is thinking bout somebody else. Well it's best if we all keep this under our heads. But I couldn't tell if anyone here was feeling the way I do. But I'm lonely now. And I don't know how to get it back to good. This don't mean that you own me well, this ain't no good, in fact it's funny how things work out just the way you want it to. If you see me out, you will blow me dry and turn your head and try to give me some room. How to figure out just what I'm gonna doooooo.
blahmr@live.com
It's best if we all just keep this quiet instead.
I'm sorry now.
Fucking spiders nesting in my brain.
Oh I gotta go to Grass City nigga.
Dude this nigga so wack his sexual fantasy is fucking hand cream and a Wiimote. He dreams of blowjobs from Misty and Pikachu and playing cards with Jessica Alba.
Man, you're mean. (I am?) No. I lied.
Being high up on the Empire State Building can mean many things. You can be high up on there as in, you're really elevated above the ground. Or you can be high up on there as in, you're smoking pot standing on the roof. Woah why did my font just turn red? That means it was a good idea.
Why would you be smoking pot on the roof of the empire state building? Now it's purple.
I dunno, sounds like a good fucking idea to me. Now it's red, even though I tried to type in purple first. Am I just wigging out?
Here comes the funny one-liners in bright red ink, boys.
No, I lied again. They're not funny, it turns.
Well good point, I wouldn't eat ass. I'd eat pussy though.
Fuck Brett Favre.
I heard the training to be a priest was long and hard. You have to have a good back and be able to cram a lot of things in a small area.
If I Appear Offline, people will think I'm not home alone on a Friday night. So true!
LATER
Pot i
s like acid. Not the vaginal kind.
That sign looks magnetic.
Whoa how'd the font change?
Hey, get your keister back down here, Billy Bo Manny.
Dude, blew out smoke. It was pyffy.
My hands waded through the smoke and fog, dude.
A wad of sod.
Caveman always reminds me of the book Holes by Louis Sachar.
I'm blazed Kristi. :] Night man. You're my best friend. :D Love you.
I blew out more smoke. It was grittier.
It's near masturbation time tonight.
Dude. I greeted my doorknob with 'oh, shit.'
Lee always supposes so.
I love this. :) I like being happy, man.
My breath smells like daisies. Kiss me and find out whether I'm lying. No wait, that was salsa.
James Patterson is a creepy motherfucker.
Quiznos up in this bitch ridin' twenty deep.
I'm really bored, actually.
LATER
I hate that you're doin' 'em like you do.
I put it in the poop chute.
I put it in the tin can sitting on the dresser, okay?
I thought that the Flat-Liners were on television but I checked the title of the program and it was unfortunately C.S.I.
I'm not allowed to be the best at anything.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iq0yz0jB1io
Blew out some smoke, it was tetchy.
Burped but no more wants to come out right now. They're gambling.
I forgot about the storm. No recollection exists even while the thunderous artillery bombardment far above continues.
I isolate my previous seizures in my digits, mostly my toes. They bear the brunt. Or maybe I just bear the radiation itself that caused the seizures there. But now I'm bigger and not a toddler and it can only stay at the tips of my toes and only reach there.
Okay, if you insinst, Psycho Lee.
Thought you'd get out of it, yeah?
There was some flash outside my window, like a camera flash. Cops? Oops no lightning, there goes the thunder and it's... actually really bad.
"Okay motherfuckers, let's get this fucking shit done. If I'm gonna fucking die, you're gonna fucking die, too. I'm tired of your fucking shit. MOTHERFUCKERS! Fucking bitches!"
Cal is a really good actor.
Wow, Cal is a different person.
Andre never really changed. Cal did most of the talking. Andre just sort of made the same comments, never yelled, never got angry. He made the same comments in the same tone of voice he did the entire movie.
Cal is a completely different person. I can't imagine the Cal from before saying those things. He was always so calm and quiet.
I farted smoke.
Dude, Star Trek sucks balls.
Dude, The Other Guys with Mark Wahlberg and Will Ferrell and also Samuel L. Jackson and The Rock. What an unlikely ensemble.
August 5
Had a long talk with Brett about school shootings, life's dream, bands and Florida, and the way that Dr. Pepper controls my life and all of my personal problems are from me being in a constant state of crash, especially over at his house.
You better take a handgun so you have one for yourself, at the least. And then if they get you down and the carbine is gone and they're like 'his gun is gone, let him go' and I stand up and pull out the handgun and yell 'Wrong!' and keep shooting them. They'd shit themselves.
Brett said there are many things left in life, many girls to fuck. And everyone has a trait about them that makes someone love them.
I had a long philosophical talk with Brett. Usually I make a life change after that. In this case, Dr. Peppers and dreams of murder.
I gotta stop drinking Dr. Peppers, they're rotting my teeth for one thing.
Dr. Peppers And Dreams of Murder. That could be either a random song title for Fall-Out Boy or the title of my book about my life since 2006.
The instant someone sees you carrying that gun walking into that school, you're committed. You can't back down or you're going to prison without any legacy and a lifetime of ridicule for being a cowardly bitch. At that point, you can't just back down and get back in your car and drive away. You've gotta go in and kill as many of those poor fuckers as you can. It's either you or them and it had better be them first, at least, if you want to be remembered.
AUGUST 5
Spice is a primitive drug.
A diminituve monkey on my back.
Well, just fuck you! Undo!
Ooooh the car shutting auditory trip. Nice vocab, Lee.
Saliva is the primordial sludge of the oral olfectory.
Burped smoke trying to find a specific URL.
Grass City, onward ho.
I need soul to stay in your rooms, he is smart oh dear rose. I was just thinking if you came on back to me. Tell me the question of why I was never your answer.
I would get as much weed as possible, smoke out listening to bob marley on a nice warm day. 
The knocking cop auditory trip is With Arms Wide Open playing on Donny's computer speakers. Pesky thing.
Mhm. :} Sort of like... It seems like I'm all alone and I feel like dying and then you message me out of nowhere and I feel happy suddenly again. You're my hero.
"So long forgotten friends, no you don't know the difference between love and submission and I'm not that obedient."
"And she's trying to sleep it off with her head on my shoulder, and I'm trying to keep it off of my thoughts when I hold her."
Someone knocking loudly auditory trip was Donny playing Because I Got High.
Blood-stained jeans and razors soaked, it's been forty-five lifetimes since my last fix and I just can't sleep.
Kristi is my hero.
"Desperately I try to fight this overwhelming sense that I may never find the strength to change how hopeless we've become. But every time that I touch you, you feel so far away. And every time that you need me, I feel so far away. Yeah I feel so far away. I feel so far away."
"We need to find a way to break this silence. We need to find a way to break this silence. We need to find a way to break this silence that's between us. So I scream your name, I scream your name, I scream your name, I scream your name."
"And every time that you reach out, you feel me pull away. And every time that I touch you, I touch you, I touch you..... You feel so far away."
LATER
I have a delayed consciousness.
Kitty told me 'Ow motherfucker.'
Woah the computer's flashing because of the tingle in my toe.
Now I'm breaking your heart. Why didn't you listen to me?
The dude tapped his watch. Oh he is pissed. 
Control by Puddle of Mudd above.
FUCK YOU! In the car blaring the big white noise.
Wes is a good singer.
I am the guy you'll never find.
Ow my thumg broke my neajc. Figure that one out, ace.
My search for the phone was unsuccessful and I have retreated because I don't care.
Wow, she stopped far up the road and waited for him. Awww... that's bitterly love.
They got out walking towards each other. Met by the truck.
Aww, she hugged him. He let her get in the truck, waggled the keys at her and threw them FAAAAR out into a field into a puddle way out. Then he walked off.
You're not the one for me now.
Wow, good song.
Back to Grass City we travel down that high-stakes road.
My thoughts on Anderson Silva vs. Chael Sonnen, you ask? Well, first of all, I respect both guys, yes Chael, too. Despite the lowlight videos and the admittedly moronic trash talk... He's a good fighter and his submission defense is unfortunate but it's not as crippling of a flaw as Brock Lesnar's substantial lack of striking ability.
Chael has acceptable striking. He hung in there with Nate Marquardt and Yushin Okami. It doesn't matter if he landed much. That was not his gameplan. His gameplan was to control them on the ground. He dominated them both there. Sure, he took some shots standing but he was never rocked on the feet.
Even Chael's cut in the Marquardt fight was inflicted by an elbow from Marquardt on the BOTTOM. Chael dominated Marquardt when Marquardt was on a tear, running through fighters like Maia and Gouveia, Kampmann and Horn after his loss to Silva. Chael is the conceivable number-one contender at middleweight right now. Many people don't accept that. Too bad, because it's a fact if you can recognize facts. And you can't recognize facts if you're a fucking Anderson nuthugger.
Moving on. Chael has a great chance to win this fight. And that's already more than you can say for Dan Hardy versus Georges St. Pierre. This is a true title fight. The challenger actually has the skills to defeat the champion. That's what I want to see. That's what you should want to see if you're a true fan. So stop bitching about it and watch a great fight Saturday night.
OH MY GOD! Gabe Reudiger is replacing Terry Etim against Joe Lauzon. That's gonna be motherfucking epic. Stoner luck, brah.
Wait now Alessio Sakara is injured and Vedepo is replacing him against the replacement Gerald Harris. O.o
Ruediger bacjk in the fold. Better make weight, fatty.
Jon Fitch has wrapped himself in bubble wrap before the fight.
Ze bubbler.
Hey Nick, nice shot.
LATER
I'll take that as a sign, hey what's that clatter?
Turned on music to deflect the bad.
Why can't I hold onto schmoo?
Hey Fry Panic Magnefier. I nearly swallowed my Adam's apple coming up with that I.P. address directed to your temple.
Hey, Lee, we're out here. We're coming for you tonight when you sleep, remember?
My voice has mental layers.
Hi there, the voice said. Can you remember why I'm here? I heard a knock at my door and it wasn't oppurtunity, it was fright.
You know, I masturbate too much and--- Good God, I'd lick that girl's asshole.
It's that time of the morning, boys. Top of the morning to you, cock, it's time for work now though dude. Grow some balls.
Mmmm, push me harder.
Yeah, fuck that pussy. Fuck me like you ain't ever gonna see me again.
Well I jacked that trip off.
http://www.xvideos.com/video553183/gianna_michaels_vice_city_porn Very hot.
Usually I'd be happy as fuck to see a Dr. Pepper in the fridge. Now I taste the acid.
I was eating a cupcake and I realize that like... there was a roach still outside. Couldn't find it, alas, it had fallen through the cracks in the porch.
My fingers smell like dogshit.
I got dogshit on me fingers.
Lolcopter. Victor Belfort.
Jenna and Sasha again, hehe.
AUGUST 6
I literally smoked that much in seven minutes? Seven minutes in heaven.
I played that once in sixth grade. This guy tries to make me give him a BJ so I bit him really hard. It was funny.
You bit his dick? Mhm.
Dude, compliments of the house, dude.
Dude I thought that was Micky from Rocky but it's Gene Hackman.
The trick is to smoke BEFORE you drink. Drinking and then smoking results in the spins.
Wow my fucking name is weird. My name is Lee? O.o
Fucking god-damn it, it's gone.
LATER
My toe had seizures.
Cigarette smoke is addictive but fuck I love it.
Burped out smoke in an S formation. It's still wafting.
I want to take you for granted. Well, I will.
I'm gonna play Cock of Poopy Modern Fagfare.
Shut up, Push by Matchbox Twenty.
Who wants to bet I kick ass?
Por que!!! (Go back to Taco Bell.)
My Machida straight left is great. Stand like Machida and then feel with the right hand for an instant and flash that straight left out moving your hips, only your left hip into it.
This is my last Dr. Pepper, my last Dr. Pepper forepper.
me and a buncha my buddys go to this kids house and we know everyone there really well (its like..our group we hangout with) so we are having a blast. playuing ruit and kings and smoking and just chillin and stuff. it was all great. then b, this girl who always is flirty but ive nvr really tried anything with was looking REAL good that night (alcohol) and so i started to work the magic. after a hour or two we end up in a room upstairs making out. she was on her period so she just gave me a bj. im thinking "yes yes yessssssssssss. i love u god" and then....shitty bj. she was like...straight up sucking it. like...not making it pleasurable, but just trying to suck it like a melted freezepop wrapper. i tried to give her tips and hints but she was just horrible. and i know this isnt her first bj (not even close) and still she was THAT bad at it. i had to fake cum into a napkin after literally the longest bj ever. i now have blue balls. fannnnnnnnntastic
dude my worst expierence. This girl (definitely NOT a rookie) was drunk as shit, as was I. Party had died down, we make out, got to the couch, she started to blow me right on the couch, like literally, right on the couch where the party had been goin on. People still there. Anyways, she started and I was thinking just like you (yes yes yesssssssss) and then all the sudden there's this scraping pain going up and down my shaft..... Her teeth. I let her go for another minute or so and then just oculdn't handel it! I COULDN'T! I then grabbed her by her hair, puller head off my cock, rolled over on my side and passed the fuck out... Worst mouth that's ever touched my dick..... A 'bad blowjob' seems like an oxymoron to me. But it can happen. sadly. 
I kept telling this one girl not to use her teeth.. she just "mhmm" and continues.. WTF?? So i grab her head, and tell her not to use her teeth!!! shes like "hehe I like it like that LOL" and gives me some stupid laugh.. I pushed her to the side and i said you fucking suck.. youre a liar.. (she told me before that she "likes it rough"... yeah right she was so bruised up afterwards and we didnt even do anything up to my par of liking).. KIcked her out the door and broke up with her after a month of "going out". Dam she made me so mad.
"I think he's high."
I wanna try choclate sauce with the next chick who gives a horrible bj and see if that helps. Aslong as she doesn't actually eat my dick. I like my dick where it is.
It's terrible, but a fact of life...just because a bitch is a slut or has sucked her fair share of cock before, doesn't mean she'll be any good at it.
Lol i went too far and fell off ze building.
Later Gator
I'm high. But the last two bowls were just really aluminum foil.
I have to consciously remind myself that that is my lasat Dr. pepPer.
Stupider. Who could come up with that word if not humans?
I always miss 'to good.'
The clouded voice. Especially singing.
Burped out smoke and then some more, it was puke smoke.
Puke rats.
"She keeps a picture of me in her apartment in the city. Some things in this world man they don't make sense. Some things you don't need until they leave and the things that you miss. But if the bright lights don't receive you..."
"But if the bright lights don't receive you... turn yourself around and come on home."
LATER
I found the roach, Sti. :D
Dude I thought Anaconda was on. I haven't seen it in years. But it's on 305. I mean, 530.
Dude Spy Game with Robert Redford and Brad Pitt.
He caught a mortar round with his teeth.
Where did you learn to shoot? (Boy Scouts, sir.) Are you kidding me? (No, sir.)
AUGUST 8
Me and Sam fought. We went at it hard, cold and raw.
My nose got bloodied up.
Toxicity of her city, toxicity of versatility.
Wouldn't it be cool if I died of a concussion in my sleep?
I'm transitioning from Dr. Pepper to Capri Sun now.
I feel strangely cold.
I am a butterfly, but you wouldn't let me die.
Dude, Chael-Anderson was bullshit.
What the fuck, dude?
Cry, little sister. Come, come to your brother.
I grappled Bryan and like... he was strong.
I gotta piss blood now. Watch.
Nope.
My thought process is so rocked.
AUGUST 10
The first high is the deepest. Baby, I know. The first high is the deepest.
He can just get mad about it.
Cruel masquerade, strangers look up. When will they learn there's loneliness? Temptation needs beats like a drum, deep in your face. I will not cry little sir, thou shall not fall. Come, come to your brother.
I tripped out right there, thinking about mouths and noses and how each orifice operates.
Why do I look a picture of me with a bloody nose? Why is it so beautiful?
So, I hear they're trying to turn Twilight into a comedy movie called Vampires Suck. Shouldn't be hard. The original movie was a joke.
Wow I'm fucking ripped, dude.
I'm gonna play some Call of Duty, I suppose.
I almost choked on a spider.
It's difficult to do things.
I'm only gonna play a game or so, and then it's off to Cigarette Nevereverland. I mean, Smoke-A-Fuckin'-Cigarette Land.
I got deaded after deading a deadie.
My Xbox is having a seizure. Beep beep beep.
LATER
Sixty-ounce shotput, eighty-nine promenade.
"I need to feel you. You need to feel me. I can't control you. You're not the one for me now. I can't control you. You can't control me."
"I love the way you look at me. I love the way you smack my ass. I love the dirty things you do. I have control of you."
nder wat happend w/ their computer?
And the reason is yoouuuuuuu.
I'm not a perfect person. I never meant to do those things to you. And so I have to say before I go that I just want you to know. I found a reason for me.... to change who I used to be. A reason to start over new. And the reason is you. I found a reason to show.... a side of me you didn't know. A reason for all that I do... and the reason is you.
Gonna replay that song now as I sign onto MSN finally.
The Hoobastank singer resembles Jorge Gurgel strongly.
"I just wanted you to tell me the truth. You know I'd do that for you. So why are you running away?"
"Show me what it's for, make me understand it. I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer."
"Is there something more than what I've been handed? I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer."
Gonna play some Xbox. It's worrying me lately, though.
LATER
Hidey hidey ho, I'm stoned again.
What's up, Miss Kitty? Do you like being a cat?
I'm going to make a video of me smoking. Trust me, it'll be funny somehow in my current mindset heeheehee.
Oops lost my lighter, I was momentarily backtracing, I dun goof'd.
Damn I made some awesome videos. It was NOT a wasted high, for once.
Dude, ANACONDA IS ON 515 this time. Fuck yes.
LATER
I just wrote Lamentations and Connections.
Porn time, niggas.
This Ruthless Mystery, Never Known, Wall of Tycoon. Seamstress Kiss.
Even though that bitch has gapped teeth... she has a really nice pussy and she gives awesome fucking blowjobs.
I'd pay a lot of moolah to smash Micah Moore. But if I was a pornstar, which is realistically unlikely, I'd get PAID a lot of moolah to smash Micah Moore.
Dude my blood pressure is way too high to fuck around.
LATER
Nigga, your shit isn't witty for real. Your motherfucking ass could fuck up making coffee with a coffeemaker, nigga. You mo'fuckin' hussla beeyatch beehatch in yo mo'fuckin' beyacht.
He's your stepdad. It sucks arguing with a dickhead stepdad. You can't. He can have any comeback he wants. Variants of "Dude I fingered your mom's asshole last night" or "I shot my semen all over your mom's tongue last night." It'd be infuriating.
Through dark-tinted windows I scream my failure.
I shall not die. My time is near. Meeting no measure forgotten or recalled.
Crime can strip your fervor. What you originally came for lost and null and void.
I gotta teach myself how to live. Because no one taught me.
I'm dying and I can't seem to care. You're dying and I just think the world is fair.
I say 'skull' like 'school'.
Skull High.
We all goin' to die, but I'm not gonna fry. Even though most never try, I'm not gonna let these pass me by, no.
It's just logical thinking.
It's our hell and we're living in it. But this shit'll be over in a minute.
Hold a lighter to your balls and you'll see what's coming.
Blame it on your other woman.
Striking with a badly injured rib is painful, but it's not even close to impossible. Until a body shot lands 'on the button', whether it be a kick or a punch or both in quick succession.
I struggled to realize there were sixty seconds in a minute. This shit is good.
Fabricio Werdum vs. Denis Stojnic. The first round began. They circled, Werdum was in the southpaw stance and Stojnic was orthodox. Werdum landed an inside leg kick. Stojnic replied with a good left hook. Werdum nodded at him as if to say that it hadn't hurt him. Stojnic replied by stepping forward with a straight right down the pipe that missed and a big leg kick. Werdum took the oppurtunity in close and secured the clinch with overunders. He kneed the thigh. Four thirty-five remaining. Werdum was looking to do something, he kept moving his hips. Stojnic had him pressed against the cage though and he was landing good body shots. Four fifteen. Werdum suddenly got a good trip takedown into half-guard. He landed a right hammerfist and a short elbow. Four minutes left. Werdum was looking for a kimura and he had it locked up. Stojnic was defending. Werdum had it extended and Stojnic scrambled out desperately. Werdum kept hold of the kimura and as Stojnic rolled, Werdum turned it into an armbar attempt beautifully as Stojnic turned on top. He was defending surprisingly well. Three thirty-five. Stojnic tried to slam out of it. Werdum had it fully locked up now, and Stojnic tapped with three twenty-five left at 2:25 of the first round.
Dan Bobish vs. Kazuyuki Fujita. The first round began. Fujita seemed tentative and Bobish was stalking him surprisingly. Bobish couldn't seem to corner him early, but not for lack of effort or lack of probing punches thrown. Nine thirty-five. They clinched off a sloppy exchange and Bobish forced Fujita into the corner. He was looking for a single-leg takedown. Fujita defended and they broke as he landed a retaliatory right hand. Bobish was rocked by it, though. He staggered backwards. Fujita pursued and landed a blocked flurry and then he worked for a single of his own against the ropes now. He got it and dumped Bobish to the ground and stood over him. Nine fifteen. He came down and landed a big right hand. Bobish scrambled clumsily and turtled up. Fujita landed some shots in under, but for the most part it looked like a stalemate. Nine minutes. Fujita landed some big shots in under. He backed off suddenly and landed a good soccer kick. Bobish rolled to his back and Fujita stood over him. Bobish tried to stand and Fujita landed another soccer kick. He came down and turtled Bobish up again. This time he bucked up and landed a big knee. Bobish tapped. He had had enough, at 1:18 of the first. Bobish was bleeding on his right cheek.
Luke Cummo vs. Ben Saunders
Rashad Evans vs. Ricardo Arona
Josh Koscheck vs. Dong Hyun Kim
Ross Pointon vs. Ryan Jensen
Brian Bowles vs. Kyle Bradley
Cain Velasquez vs. Mustapha Al-Turk
Kristoff Sozinski vs. Renato Sobral
Paul Daley vs. Brad Blackburn
Antonio Rogerio Nogueira vs. Chuck Liddell
Jason Black vs. Jeremy Stephens
Alan Belcher vs. Jay Silva
Mario Miranda vs. Mark Weir
Trevor Prangley vs. Bobby Southworth
Demian Maia vs. Brian Stann
Nate Mohr vs. Conor Heun
My brain's bleeding. I have palsy.
I'ma go to sleep, mofucka.
AUGUST 11
My back feels really weird. I think I have scoliosis, but Mom won't listen. It feels so fucking weird. I wish somebody would help me. Oh god... I've gotta smoke this stuff. I can't sleep. I can't lay down. I'm not lying.
It's gone. It doesn't want me to find it.
Please.
I think it's downstairs but probably not.
You're not autistic. Rett syndrome.
Fucking found it.
Can't find my lighter. FUCK!
It was right fucking there. Now it's gone. Oh God...
There's a ghost at the bottom of the stairs. Ooooooh...
And the audio is just Kitty, come on.
What was that smash?
Fuck, it's gonna paralyze my left side. It's made my left side palsyed already.
Palsy is a horrible existence where you know you're alive and all these horrible defects are happening to you and you know you're so close to death but you're still going to stay alive because these people take care of you.
I'm finally out of that weird trip.
My reaction time is for shit.
I notice you pain but you're purely fictional just by a very good author: me.
Oh I coughed out smoke.
I got lightheaded for a moment.
Fuck, I hope I'm tripping.
My veins are beating weird, MAINLY on my left side. Palysed.
It's starting to get my right side. O.O
I think I'm just tripping out. Maybe it's just back pain. Nah.
My left side is a lot more paralyzed.
I nearly died trying to clear my right lung.
Left eye palysed, left side of mouth palsyed. Left ear palsyed. Left toe palsyed. Left arm palsyed. Left hook palsyed.
My spine is slowly separating my ribs. How horrible.
I'm telling you, this is alarming, dude.
God, I won't be able to walk soon.
Please kill me.
Oh fuck. Oh fuck.
I think I'm tripping really bad. Please help me.
I miss when I was okay, watching movies. At about three. It's now 5:40. Trip? Nah.
That's why I walk southpaw, and why I like southpaw more.
My back is constantly spasming.
This day is hell.
I had a trip like... I had to go up the basement stairs really past because a ghost is coming up quickly behind me, and I shut the door well before he gets there. Then I HURRY towards my bedroom door because there's a bigger ghost and he's coming faster and more threatening. So I shut my door RIGHT BEFORE he gets there and I was scared shitless.
Alright, the kids are alright in America. It's fucking officially official.
No.
5:54.
I pleaded with Google "Tripping too hard help." Nothing.
I wish I could just be stoned again.
LATER
They saw nothing. Perhaps it's mental.
LATER
I'm just-just-just in pain.
Motrin will counteract his *whisper* speaking problems.
Burped out smoke, it was herpes clustered.
Oh shit, cottonthroat.s
Aha, almost cleverly deceived.
I came in just in time for about 3:20 of Cry Little Sister.
I'll try? It hasn't been letting me on? You know? Like yeah? Questions without answers, you know?
I burped out buttercream dip.
I lied. I barely even tried.
Autism makes for good base trips.
I get to see how the other half lives, especially in my mouth.
Motrin has been known to cause breathing problems.
"I wish I had a reason. My flaws are open season."
AUGUST 12
Mom's gettin' the Internet cut off on the 21st, mo'fucka.
I am so far beyong high.
Hoobastank is really catchy. His voice really catches your attention.
Salivitis thingy.
I have my own set of qualities, ooooh maybe you know them, you do. It's a huge problem, yes you could count it as a huge problem. Especially in a man, wow I did something bad the other day. Everything is alright and you'll, feel much better, feel much betteeeer! Oh God why am I here? I don't want to be here. We could help each other, I wanna believe that but I don't. It was a riot, I had fun and I didn't realize what you meant by that. Dreams sound impossible, to you, I can't get out, I can't be lost to youuuuu. You could have me completely, you say no but you're wrong. We could help each other, I wanna believe that but I don't. Love me to yourself but hide it from me, when you hurt yourself you might as well hurt me. You would have no patience for me if I went and hurt myself. I hurt myself by being me, you came to save me, didn't you? Of course I did, well I haven't had a cut in years. I might be gone but first I'll tell you goodbye. Goooooooodbyeeeee.
He caught your eyes with a camera's flash. Mm, it's getting dark, man came out and we stood behind, it's too low and the lights were looming.
Three cheers for the lonely one. Poor and lonely only one.
Chelsea Walls.
Rich and erratic were your defense.
I get home to an awful lawn, check the phone and the messages on it, I play it onced for me yesterday, I play a song just to talk and say that you.... you are the lonely one.
Not the way you hoped it would.
A long list of plans.
I want to give you your erection.
I want never to say goodbye to you.
I want so much I'm breathless.
I want to put my heart in your pocket to burn a hole so I can see it.
My back feels clicky these days.
I can sleep more easily.
LATER
Oops, I forgot to close the door. I mean, open it. Oh, wow.
Oooooh, baby, I love your way.
I'm fucking scary ripped.
Nearly died, forgot to breathe.
Am I dying?
Possibly.
That woman took out the trash.
Toothpaste taste bad.
I just threw up toothpaste.
I drew bird.
I have enough for probably two more sessions.
Fuck it, dude.
Maybe I'm more relentless.
Davey Crockett.
Need TV fast.
Not Madagascar.
Bithung.
Nothing on.s
Snow Falling On Cedars is next. Should be good?
My room is the opposite of a garbage disposal.
Spineless my ass.
Took two Tylenols for back.
Woke up but I just now woke up. 10:59 AM. What a long-ass day despite it all.
Capri Suns have indeed replaced the Dr. Peppers.
LATER
I fucking hate Jesus.
I fucking hate Jews.
Clogged holes.
Two roaches closed my wound.
Goodbye, I almost fucked a hole in my Capri Suns.
Blew smoke out my nose like a dragoooon.
I think I'm just a prestigiously retarded retard.
Dude, Night at the Museum: Smithsonian rocks.
LATER
I'm so high, I brought the pipe up, then brought it back down.
Oooooh, that bad trip is attacking me again.
Understandable judgement.
The Nobodies rocks.
Some children died the other day.'
I tried to type 'The nobodies lyrics and came up with the notable lyrics.
Some children died the other day. We fed machines and then we prayed.
The Skeptic.
LATER
Do you wish you were me? Do you wish I were you? (jealousy, animosity)
Did he get an eyeful?
My girl parts was showing.
Somebody told me that you had a girl that looked like a boyfriend.
Mute, that's all it takes. One button.
I can't wait to be another you hoo whoo.
I can't realize that nobody wants to be like me.
Don't pickachick mention.
Skull School.
AUGUST 22
Oh nigga, motherfucker. Nihha slammer strangler.
It's been way too damn long.
Light-headed a bit, but my body feels heavy. O.o
Hey.... hey... that guy looksalike Jesus. Then again, I'm high.
I wasted this high on my Tumblr. Sorry, guys. Rescheduled again. Maybe later this month, September's always good for work.
I've got a trip, sans reality.
I have a trans-reality drip.
Layers, layers. Eight layers. Player, you will eat my slop.
Shut up, you fuck--- Aaaaaargh.
Who cares if he tucked you in?
Come on and skip it.
Skip to my loo, my darling.
Mary Lou Fawlkes.
Oh shit, that guy just got merked.
He's a fucking mercenary, for Chrissakes.
Poo poo, skip to my loo. Poo boo boom boom.
My tears of anger flowing for this stranger. My life and his hold constant danger.
They won't let me even have the stems.
LATER
I'm about to go smoke some stems. It's 11:54. Depending if I get back, it'll tell if I'm high. It usually takes me over five minutes if I am high.
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.
No.
September 1
I drove the van over here and I did fine. I am pleasantly enamored with the situation.
I keep hearing the Jaws music in my head and thinking of spiders stalking me. (No that's the fly flying. I can fucking hear it. Fuck this Nirvana shit. I'm high as a fucking asteroid.) 420.
His habits outweigh his routines.
The universe has no end, only a beginning.
The world would be a better place with pot legal. It would be a magical world filled with magic. There would be such a drastic drop in the rate of dishonesty per person.
There is someone worse than the guy that brings an acoustic guitar and his voice to every party. That guy that is worse is the guy that sings along with every song that he hears no matter where he is at the time. I'm a barbie giiiirl in a barbie wooorld. Life is fantaaaaastic, when you're plaaaastic. Or something of that nature.
September 5
Britt, it's the shit, I'm high dude.
I've been looking my whole life through. Trying to fly my wonder to you. Because I love you, I do.
I sure hope this smells like incense.
Woah, Episode of the Sith is blowing my mind. They can see the smoke from here.
Thar she fuckin' blows.
These words sure are tall, Moll.
It's a reality, not a mystery. It's no secret that you're messing with me.
Weed robs you of all inhibitions.
"And you stole and you robbed and you cheated me out of the life I deserved. I never want to see you again, I never want to hear your voice. I never want to be here again..."
"It's over. No longer. I feel it growing colder. I knew this day would come to end. So let this life begin."
I was gonna reply but then I got high.
Oh, already canceled that.
MUSTAFAR. THE DUEL ON MUSTAFAR. Sorry. Normal voice resuming at this current pace is deadly smooth. Like Keith Stone. Or Kenny Powers.
I had already Xed you out nigga.
It stinks like pot in there.
I'm just joking. Man, people never get my jokes.
Wow, Obi Wan Kenobi old resembles Obi Wan Kenobi young. Prequel pwnage dude.
I'm gonna go to smoke a cigarette.
Anchorhead, Tattoine.
You must do what you feel is right.
Wow that was a big-ass breath you just took.
Hey man, this world we live in is such a sewer. Through shit we swim, through shit we sink, through thick and thin... we've gotta 
I don't know. I can imagine quite a bit.
Don't worry, Chewie. I think I know what he has in mind.
Ah yes, that is very reassuring.
Ah they acted like they captured Chewbacca. Excellent.
5-3 to upper bay door.
I can't see a thing in this helmet.
That's how real people talk.
It's a realistic science fiction movie. Heh.
This is not going to work. Why didn't you say so before? I did say so before. Nice, Han.
I wasn't notified. I'll have to clear it.
Look out, he's loose. He's going to pull us apart.
You go and get her. I'll hold 'em here.
Everything's under control. Situation normal.
We're all fine here. Thank you. How are you?
Give us a few minutes to lock it down. Large leak. Very dangerous.
Who is this? What's your operating number? *shoots console*
Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?
I'm Luke Skywalker. I'm here to rescue you.
Look at that stack of Capri Suns.
I'm Luke Skywalker. I'm here to rescue you.
York Peppermint Paddy. Hope that's right. Look it up, Sti.
Fire engine sirens.
Are those cop sirens?
Mmmm, masturbation time is here for tonight. I love that.
Into the garbage chute, flyboy.
What an incredible smell you've discovered.
September 6
Dude, I can hear my voice.
They creep through my mind like phantoms, they light me up like the wick on a candle. Blazin' up blazin' high blazin' dangerous and blazin' hot, gangsta cool gangsta Mike on the mic yelping pleasantries. Blame me now blame me cleverly, you just blamin' me cause you don't want to end up thankin' me.
Woooah real light-headed.
Do you know it's the truth? Do you know how to lie? Tell me fill me in on it, and I'll tell you why.
Wow they have it in the news for the date the weigh-ins are set. MMA is starting to get big.
It's a statement you gotta start paying attention to.
My nail lined up and you hammered in it.
Wow this is a calming song.
Woah and wowee woowee.
Ouch, my straw is now a bendy straw.
"You got your uhh..." He hesitated (dick) and continued. "..I mean stick broken?" "Uh, yeah," the other man replied. "My straw is now a bendy straw."
Strawberry is a vegetable.
I have a craving for fried chicken legs with strawberries on the side.
My habits outweigh my routines, sir.
Oh May, do you wanna get married or run away?
Lights will guide you home and ignite your balls. That's what it sounds like anyway.
Oh, snap.
My thigh has had this bad rash for like two days now. This is the second day of the rash.
I've got MAYBE a bowl left and that's even with me being delusional about the amount.
Mom's back. Fuck my life. I was just about to go down into the basement for a bowl.
I think my cross-eyed feeling comes from this fucking incense shit. I've smoked it more than anyone else, and at a higher rate, too. Fuck my life.
Fuck this rash.
Fuck your face. Okay.
Wow Mom actually got strawberries. Sweet. Literally.
LATER
Mom never gets derailed, she's always on the same track. She never gets DERAILED, she's ALWAYS on THE same TRACK, get it?
That's a rich red LATER, tommater.
Early masturbation time. Good folly, dolly.
Fighting against the system with my dick in one hand and one ball in another.
I traversed most gaps.
Where's she at? (I don't know.) Get in there. Git!
Cut her.
I'm defending from your grasp.
Everything went slow mo.
Mmmm, examining it for bone fractures.
Wow, twinge from my thigh muscle. Might have torn an artery.
Celebrity actress, loooonely seed.
So why don't you just call me an angel? And I'll carry you on my wings. Looking down upon them, we both know what this means. We're just much higher... on the food chain. We're just that much higher. Yeah. Absolved of all blame.
All indications being that I'm suddenly in love.
I can't waste time with you much longer.
If you want me to stop, I'll stop.
Going downstairs to smoke another bowl but... it's not gonna be much.
LATER
You just wanna show how punk you feel.
I'll be in there and out.
My fingernail is soaked with poison.
You act like you can't take a bath by yourself.
We ain't even got any towels.
I don't think that I'm gonna take time to take a shower.
I don't smoke and you do.
I can hear the acoustics of every door slammed. Damn, I'm superhigh nigga. I'm Superfly nigga.
He's starting to get on my nerves.
I have to run like hell, and that's my life.
There's an infection in my thigh.
And it's really really bad.
Deep bone scrubbing rub is the best.
Nearly killed myself shadowboxing.
Lights a-blankin'.
Had to let awareness rush back.
Woah I',m trametravling dude.
Fryky. That's how an Australian says "freaky."
Well I guess it would be nice if I could touch your body. I know that not everybody has got a body like me.
Going to smoke, yo. Cigs.
Didn't get any buzz off the last one. The bag's done. Black Lion RIP.
Just random
"Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.
'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.
bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 chicken of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?
--------------
BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something
<Anonymous> Now, I’m sure many of you have encountered little shits in supermarkets. Little kids running about and knocking things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you know the kind. But the worst are the biters. Yes, those little cunts that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like it.
<Anonymous> Okay, here’s the best part. A biter got me today when I was grocery stopping. He broke the fucking skin, too. This was when the gears started turning, the moment I saw a tiny sprickle of blood on the little shit’s teeth as he was grinning at me like the little cunt he is. I made my eyes get wide, and started screaming “SHIT! SHIT!.” Now, my good friend, Tom we’ll call him, was there too, and he instantly picked up on it. He started shouting “FUCK! MAYBE HE DIDN’T GET IT! FUCK!.” By now, the kid is scared shitless and starts crying, and instantly, Mizz Mom appears out of nowhere and starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid.
<Anonymous> Here’s the kicker, I look her straight in the eye and say, “Mam, get your son tested as soon as possible, he just bit me and I’m… I’m FUCKING HIV POSITIVE.”
<Anonymous> And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire store. The brat knows he just fucked up big time because his mom isn’t defending his ass. She just stares at me wide eyed. I walk away from them, buy my shit from the wide eyed cashier, all the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice little trail on the floor. And, just s we leave, we start to hear the mother sobbing. Sobbing like the cunt she is.
<Anonymous> I have never felt any more satisfaction than the moment I heard that sob.
<AgentSmith> It seems you have been leading two lives, Mr. Anderson. In one life, you are Robert Anderson, assistant cook at a Jack in the Box in Mesquite....in the other...you go by the chat alias "Randerson"...spreading homosexual propoganda, lying, and being a generally immature pest...
<AgentSmith> One of these...has a future.
<Randerson> LMAO OMFG where's the phone, I have to tell Dean about this
<AgentSmith> How can you use the phone when you cannot...speak?
*** AgentSmith sets mode: +m
*** Topic in #doghouse is 'Our hearts are extended to the 17 victims of the recent internet fraud'
* Anubis has joined #doghouse
<Anubis> what fraud?
<Kadmium> You haven't heard about it?
<Anubis> no?
<Kadmium> You can read the full story at http://www.tubgirl.com
<Anubis> omg wtf!
*** Kadmium changes topic to 'Our hearts are extended to the 18 victims of the recent internet fraud'
<Sui88> 67% of girls are stupid
<V-girl> i belong with the other 13%
once upon a midnight dreary, while i pron surfed, weak and weary, over many a strange and spurious site of ' hot xxx galore'. While i clicked my fav'rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning, and my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour, " 'Tis not possible!", i muttered, " give me back my free hardcore!"..... quoth the server, 404.
I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut. So in response I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock. That shut her up.
I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me saying "You're next". They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals.
<Batty> Euch, rap is just missing one letter. c.
<zeep> rapc?
<Batty> ...
<Batty> Crap you idiot. you put the c on the other end
<zeep> oic
<Batty> Though you could also say it's missing an e
<zeep> wtf is erap?
* Batty bangs his head repeatedly against a wall
Lucida Sans Unicode. September 10.
I have to find out who it is.
I forgot your hemhorrage and torrent of love for me. You're all I want and all that I need, so please forgive me.
I traveled back into time from before I smoked.
That makes staggering sense.
Hemhorrage. Interpretemplate. Barely mae it.
An actress thinking lies... over and over again she cries.
Interpra Template. Tim-plotti.
I just howled ooooooh-ho-ho-ooooooh.
In this sea of lonely, the taste of ink is getting old.
Drowning deep in my sea of loathing. Broken your servant I kneel.
As long as you're alive and care, I promise I will take you there. And we'll drink and dance the night away.
So here I am, it's in my hands. And I'll savor every moment of this. So here I am alive at last. And I'll savor every moment of this.
So stoned, dude.
Ow my heart got jerked.
Phew.
Teeth mossy. THAT'S THE WORD! Encrusted and mossy. The zombie's teeth were encrusted with what looked like a lush carpet of moldy, green moss.
And I'm so sad. Like a good book, I can't put this day back.
***8
Got drunk who grew up to scare you, the tremble you did because you weren't worthy of his friendship. Sometimes I'm jealous because of his snobby interception. Four pages walked up to the back door. Singing my lie to the human race. This just ain't even the best one today. We want to stick together but we're bending my brain. There are no words to express the way I want to make a physical death threat. So open up your ears. It's all a facade and nothing really matters.
(Ebroglio, ATDI)
GFonna smoke a cig.
Nope, gonna eat cum. I mean, chili. I meant to say I'm gonna cum. Nope gonna eat chili. Thats what I meant.
Bit through a roach with a sudden crunch so... done there.
Time to cum.
LATER
Wow so high. Done for today, honestly. Coughed up a bloody hunk. Or maybe that was just chili.
Tired and light-headed.
The drums in Gone Away fucking rock.
It was hard to accept but I've accepted the gift from above. My loooove.
Actually my left arm is strong as fuck. It's my best arm, and it'd be my best punch. I just need to learn it a thing or two.
Lay off the good stuff heeheeheehee.
I just thought of you.
LATER
If'n yo do a good dead, it becomes your high.
I'm breathing like a retarded fish.
Kids that breathe like that have undersized lungs.
That was a settling sensation.
LATER STILL
I have a fascinating quirk.
I have a cracked skull.
I can't seem to keep my head up, or my consciousness. It's killing my brain. The rapidity of it.
Titz I did.
HHere that, ito.
You're Magneto.
Struggling to stay consciousness.
You best back up, nigga, or I'm gonna be blastin' Glocks at you.
Such natural poetry I can never rhyme, but I can write the increasingly rare intelligent rap song if you just give me the pot and the time.
My dick gone stiff my balls gone sweaty, I ain't even about to be cummin' yet and this bitch is saying it's tasty.
My mind isn't even remotely suicidal, I just don't like watching violin recitals.
With pot never looks quite as cool as you think it did. But ignorance is bliss, and you'll be happy. With alcohol, they're never quite as hot as you thought they were, or even male. But ignorance is AIDS, and you might also be heppy. So remember for later, kids, which is better? Alcohol... or pot? :D That would be the first pot PSA out for schoolkids after they re-legalize it. Complete with the :D at the end.
So you take out the teeth so she can't bite you. That's the only way you can get the infection from them. It's not their bodily fluids, the infection can only come from their teeth somehow. So take the teeth of the female ones -- or the male ones, if that's your thing -- and stick your dick on in that dried up, warm rotting shit that used to be a mouth. We call it earning your worm wings. It's a hell of a thing. But never try it with the ones who have been dead for a while. I tried once, holding onto her head for leverage and... " He stopped to laugh. "This bitch's skull collapsed like a crumpled-up napkin in my hands. Yuck. Isn't that gross? Eh, I kept fucking the broken lightbulb of a skull though. She was still alive, or at least not dead. Same to me. She can still give head. She thinks it's a bone and she's trying to bite it but she has no teeth, so it's not too bad."
Try rhyming bother and father. That would rock.
I burned my thumb down there in the darkness.
LATER
I traced and chased the stone back into the darkness.
You know what my name is for the Placebo effect? Retardation Is Contagious.
Just read me the god-damn notes.
Just bring me their god-damn balls.
Mmmm.. Well I gotta admit it.. I like dick, but not nearly as much as I like pussy.
Pot makes me an adult. An adult without intelligence or reasoning.
I sure could use a good B.J.
Crash into the night.
Before we crash into the night.
Kitty meows like a yawn.
My cock is broken.
Texting means a lot less interaction and reaction.
Hurry up. Bring me that cigarette.
Was that Sigourney Weaver speaking? Might have been Jamie Lee Curtis. I'd bang either of them. Seriously. I'd eat Sigourney's pussy until she screamed uncle. I'd fuck Jamie doggy style until she wanted to go to sleep and shut the fuck up.
Hold on, interrupted by masturbation time. The thought of them got me horny.
I already came to the blindfold video.
SEPTEMBER 11, 2010 (ninth anniversary of 9/11)
IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN
I mean, LATER
Woah this font is underratedly handsome.
Oh shit broke my pinkie, or pulled it.
Blindspot.
Oh shit freak out imminent. I mean, existent.
I relocated my pinkie.
Wow I can't focus my eyes. This must be how a retard feels.
Thought that hole was a spider.
Blurred shower patio.
The party ends nooooow. Cause it's the final countdown.
I overroded my orders big time.
Hello. Help me. He's peeking under the banister.
The Cabin Grow Bible.
 I was at my friends house today and there was this girl there who wanted to sing for us. It wasn't even that bad, it's just mad awkward when you're sitting there in silence watching someone sing. It's different on stage or at a concert or something professional. But when someone is trying to show off their voice and you just sit and listen... I dunno. Mad awkward man. Mad awkward. I was at my friends house today and there was this girl there who wanted to sing for us. It wasn't even that bad, it's just mad awkward when you're sitting there in silence watching someone sing. It's different on stage or at a concert or something professional. But when someone is trying to show off their voice and you just sit and listen... I dunno. Mad awkward man. Mad awkward. 
 I agree. I dunno if they are fishing for compliments or just legitimately want to enlighten me with their voice.
Things don't come to me quite as easily as most people.
This is my true final time.
I sure do WISH I could focus, sure.
i agree for sure. the most awkward is someone singing to just you, looking at you and everything.
soooo incredibly awkward.
Oh shit I'm not the only one.
Something very similar happened to me. I was baked out of my mind (for some reason it felt like the highest I've ever been) and I was sitting in media class working on some edits for a video I created. This girl who sat beside me kept saying that she can sing. So I said "Oh really? Can I hear?" Then she started singing and I just felt this uber awkwardness creep over me. Do I look at her? Do I look away? She's singing and closing her eyes...she looks kinda funny. I wanted to laugh. But at the same time I was editing the video, I flipped through a funny clip in my video and started laughing really hard. She thought I was laughing at her and got pretty pissed off. I had to sit there for 10 minutes convincing her I was laughing at the video. She was like, "so you weren't listening to me sing?"
UGHHHHH that was a crazy awkward situation. 
 How bout when the person singing trys to get you to sing along with them, and all the attention is drawn to you...thats awkward. 
I wish I could smoke my fingers.
 I'm higher than someone roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris. 
I'm higher than a cloud.
I am higher than the rent on Sesame Street. The green guy lives in a fucking can. And I bet he is still paying rent. He's probably selling his green fuzzy body on the street.
No, dude. I don't wanna log onto Facebook. Because Facebook fucking blows balls.
Stoners are people, too, don't you know?
Dude, I'm pretty sure that I'd suck a cock if it was presented before me.
Boozed women are the best women, don't you know?
I mean, don't get me wrong. I love pussy.
I remember the blindfold video.
About time for beddy bye. Aye?
Tumblr, cigarette break, Xbox, shower, bed. Good schedule. I'd say I lay down around 1:15, get to sleep around 1:30, perhaps 1:50.
I think Mom's back at 12:02. Intriguing.
I was going to post but then I got high.
It's a girl's responsibility to blow her father.
Hey, I'm a gonna smoke me a cigarette, ya hear?
I shall return.
On second thought, I'll skip the cigarette and head right to Xbox.
Fck you, AV3.
You too, AV1.
Myruga Eastfoot. Now that's a name.
Her pretty face is narrow. Like loopy times with Jack Sparrow. That's Captain Jack Sparrow to you, sir, if you don't mind terribly.
Woah in all seriousness Eastfoot just fucked us up, he got a lineup kill and a crouch-to-stand kill.
Oops disconnected from Xbox Live already.
Fuck your face.
Donald Trump is threatening to buy the Ground Zero mosque.
It will be sold.
Don't ever go over my head again, you motherfucker, you.
The Sam Rothstein Show.
If he must whip it, crack that whip.
When a problem comes along, you must whip it.
If someone's carrying mace and a condom, that's confusing to me.
How the fuck can you grin?
Keep lookin' at him.
You're gonna bury us both.
I just want what any divorced woman would get.
You know that won't happen.
Mom's back, NOW. 12:16. A tiny bit ahead of schedule but eh.
Yes, they both checked out.
Mr. and Mrs. Rothstein.
Schmuck,
One eight six two.
I think he's gonna kill me.
That's the main thing here.
o, I won't.
I'm skipping the shower, as well.
Going to bed at 12:40. A little ahead of schedule but not too bad. I'd say now that I get to sleep around 1:15. Not bad at all.
SEPTEMBER 11
We can't smell the funniest dolphin.
Steve has the belt.
Are you suggesting something?
He's not seeing anyone else.
I could kill Big.
Loving and the feelings within it.
Could Sex and the City actually rock?
Well on that movie they do actually suck a lot of cock.
Please get in, it just hit eighteen.
Dude, I'm fucking hungry.
Why do these notes get shorter and shorter?
I'm gonna go and try to find some food. I won't be successful, most likely.
I think I popped a rib.
I would like to have some food, but it's not gonna happen, you know?
It gets thinner towards the bottom.
Shark Fights 13 tonight. I've already watched Bellator, Tachi Palace, Shine, MFC, all in the space of two days. Jesus Christ, September's a hotbed of MMA.
Mos Def can't handle the truth.
Most of it's redirected.
Body high.
"So I stand and look around, distracted by the sounds of everyone and everything I see. And I search through every face without a single trace of the person, the person that I need."
"Do you know that everytime you're near, everybody else seems far away? So can you come and make them disappear? Make them disappear and we can stay."
SOMETIMES GOODBYE IS A SECOND CHAAAANCE.
Wow so short.
Done for a bit. As long as I can last, I do pledge.
Hungry. Need distraction. Don't know how much longer I can make it. It's been maybe an hour or so at the most, and that's being generous.
Another thirty minutes, and the time has come.
In a moment. Maybe.
It's still only 12:50 A.M.
I have this creeping suspicion that things here are not as they seem. Reassure me, why do I feel as if I'm in too deep?
I have a cracked skull.
Only 12:55. Dear God.
The return is imminent.
Cry little sister, cry for meeeeee.
You gotta do what you gotta do, motherfucker.
Wait, is that Mom back? Lemme check. No. Heading down to the basement, time?
LATER
Brett and Sam came by. Used up my high talking with them. They decided against smoking with me because of the condition of Angelo 2.
Mom's going to get a pot pie with a Dr. Pepper, though. So... that's the good news.
Headin' back down to Dreamland, Inc. Headin' back down where the sun don't sink. Headin' back down where my shit... DON'T... STINK!
Jimmy smoked crack and I don't care, Jimmy smoked pole and I don't care.
This is a madhouse, where you couldn't gooooo. Oh I knew that you had soul but I knew that I had grit, now we need some souuuuul.
Yeah I got souuuuul, and I'm superbad.
Okay now heading down.
1:$2 PM
LATER KIA SAILOR 1:46 P.M.
I can hear my heart beating in my ears.
Is that Mom back? No, just my ears.
Damn if they wont get you with one thing, they'll find another reason to get up into your case.
LOL at the closing her eyes part haha did she put one hand up to her ear so she could hear herself? 
Take a little trip into the twilight zone.
Leg's jerking.
Feel palsified.
Palsified documents.
LATER
I thought it was later.
I thought it was raining, I mean.
Oh, it is raining.
Sweeet. :D
 "I'm higher than an eagle, the sky's the limit, besides the fact that I'm barely legal." -Buck65 
I'm higher than a kite that forever soars, up there where it rains and pours.
Eye blindness.
I almost used your screen to clog my hole.
Burped smoke.
Is it sexy time? No, not yet.
No dociles. Only sex.
I bet I could give the best blowjob known to man.
Old films, passage to the past.
The Limits of Control movie. Quotes. You'll understand.
The Milton Twins gift-wrapped. Beautiful.
Ignore the thunder. Concentrate on the pussy, dude.
Putting your cock inside me turns me on. Oooh. It feels so good.
Your cock is no nice and hard. Aaaah. It's so big.
It's your turn now. Let your sister have a turn. (I want some cock.)
Oh yeah. Cum for me!
Cum! Cum! Cu---arrrgh..
Do you like it, Callie? (Yeah.)
Their asses are the best, P4P.
Twin burn marks.
The chairs at the convention.
It's like a hickey or something.
Suck it like a lollipop.
Tickle those balls or something.
Keep your eyes open and look up a lot.
Still going.
Came finally, to that first ever vid.
Going to smoke another bowl, haha, it's 4:21, barely missed it. Damn. Oh well I'll still honor that magical time. I shall return shortly.
Damn it, I came on the good pillow.
LATER
God-damn I'm high.
I thought I pissed myself but that was the cum before, still on my thigh. I need a shower after this little soujourner, dude.
Impersonating a police officer is a punishable offense.
Officer, do you know where a good donut shop is? (Yeah, like you don't.)
Thunder, are you threatening me?
A man who's sixty and doing nothing.
Oh yeah and it's fifteen o'clock.
I mean, 4:29. Took me about seven minutes in there, taking off the minute I've spent talking before this realization.
The time I've alotted for indescrepensies.
Lol I tried to work the Xbox with the remote for the TV.
It somehow fits the nook.
Xbox uses up my buzz damn quick. The focus, you see?
Carrying a gun is quite nice, you see?
Eragon decided to cut the nine-foot trees.
Fucking got my shit kicked in.
AC130. Can't believe I typed that correctly. OR THAT. OPr jhis. "or this."
awesomemeatjerkin is this dude's gamertag.
Hash Hashins was his name.
Snip Tip.
yepthatllhappen. Best gamertag yet.
26 to 19. I was very methodical and pumping off shots.
18 to 22. I was a bit more dazed and confused that time. The Comedown sucks.
Young Silvan. Win.
How much height are you, dude?
"I want to have sex with these sound waves, and it will feel so good."
I lost my place in the world, dude.
Dude we got spanked that first round, S and D.
Why are my spakers on?
Dude killed me and I yelled 'fuck' in a truly booming, burning voice.
"Dude, the car is shaking, do you think it's scared of cops like us??"
"My eyes are melting in my mouth! CALL AN AMBULANCE!" 
I'm high as shit.
I killed one guy but then got killed big-time yo.
I got fucking killed and like... quit, and shit.
Fuck it, became too strenuous for my liking. Indeed.
My heart took a liking to her, though.
The bro's doken.
My whole left face is numb.
 The other day me and my buddys were in a pizza resteraunt and two of us were baked, and when I received my pizza it had olives on it (which I hate) So i ate a bite and accidently shouted "MY FUCKING PIZZA TASTES LIKE HULK HOGAN!". Needless to say everybody on my table was cracking up and the other customers looked like....wtf. 
Human race, off your knees!
me-"holy fuck....oh you have a cat" ?
him-"no shit"
me-"cats tounges are so rough"
Him-(with the most serious look) "imagine getting a blowjob from a cat"
friend-hey dude are my eyes red?
me-ya throw in some drops real quick
friend-alright good idea
*roughly 5 minutes later*
friend-o shit i forgot to take the top off
Fuck it, I'm gonna go get high, yo.
Fuck it.
Mom's gone. She fucking left, dude. I hope she's gonna get my Milky Way. If not, there will be trouble for her. Nah I'm kidding. I am hungry, though.
Noooow let's go get blazed.
Fuck it.
Fuck it.
5:13 P.M. Headin' down.
Probably gonna be my last bowl for a bit. Sad to say. Sad to see you go away.
I love Kristi, I truly do. I love Miss Kitty, too.
I went down and got my pipe and just decided I'm gonna smoke my last bowl up here. For what it's worth, you know?
Phone's ringing but no one's home.
If the door starts a-shakin', don't come a-breakin' in.
Mom's back. Fuck her timing, man.
5:15 P.M.
She's bitching and killing my bizz. Fuck her, I'm gonna appreciate my Wioky;'s Ways.
He starts in and smokes that stuff all night long.
I should just smoke it downbstairs.
Alright.
Be right back, heh... 5:18. Yep.
Can't fight the loneliness in my heart, never seems to depart until you, until you wipe my slate free. That ain't a sexual suggestion.
LATER
Fuck I'm high. Story time, kiddies.
No you can't fight it. You count the bruises, you can't find the accusations.
So stoned, so stoned.
Last high. New low.
Shit, last?
Oh, magnesium sulfite.
Fucking shit, dude.
FML approaches.
Was the cum on the thighs comment really that long ago?
5:43 right now, wow.
This is a big one, but I foubnd scceess,, Found sccess.s vS=OUND SUCESS.
Ess vee ess.
Former Strikeforce middleweight champion, Jake 'Snuggie' Shields will soon make his UFC debut at 170 pounds (welterweight) against the well-rounded and exciting contender, Martin 'The Hitman' Kampmann. Will his UFC dreams become a reality or will he languish in the bitter dungeon of defeat?
I would totally snort Reese's Pieces.
I would tongue her asshole. You know who I mean and you know you would.
Second bananas taste so ripe.
She taught me to kiss. (Donny.)
Why would a fucking mother do that? (Donny.)
Oooohwoaaaah stand byyyyy me. Stand. Yes, you just better staaaaand. Stand. Stand by meeeee. Oh you just better stand. Stand. Yeah oh you just better WOAAAAH-oooh-WOAAAH stand by meeee. Yes you just better stanaaaand.
Got gas, nigga.
Keep chonking up bit.
You just betta g o with the chaedaa,
Gonna play Xbox again to work off the rest of my buzz.
THIS ** IS JUST LIKE CLERKS, MAN. WE SHOULD PLAY GOLF UP HERE.
It shan't teper off.
Got disconnected from Xbox Live. What a bummer.
He's more late than pie.
I'm gonna call them. I'm getting tired of this.
That damn thing's doing it again.
You just betta stand..
ABOVE THE FRUITED PLAINS.
Hey Joe, whaddaya know?
Everyone has a long walk of their own.
I love you, Kristi.
He won't let you in.
Does that make sense?
Shark Fights should be on right about now.
The connection fucked, again.
And again.
It's the same warfare as ever.
My last Smooth, fuck my cock.
But I'm quitting, I really am. You hear me? It's true.
I can do it. I really can.
I heard a pop, it was decently loud.
7:09, Jesus really?
Impossible, seems like.
I just did something.
I changed to the speed.
Is there ribs?
There might be more downstairs.
Delirium.
What the fuck are Marlboro Snus? I get a free pack of them, whatever the fuck they are.
I was about to go outside shirtless. Imagine that, Jack.
My pinkie and thumb still hurt.
Not plural.
7:12.
Going out.
Have to find ze shirt first.
What is life if someone you don't even know can take it away from you at the pull of a little fucking trigger? That's my question. Hahaha. We're all fucking disposable, you know? We're uhhh... what's the fucking word? We're all.... Expendable. :D Yes. Yes, we're all expendable. Life will go on if we die, but it will go on without us, and no one will really care. People don't really mourn people who die. In the back of their mind, they're thinking better him or her than me. What does that make us? Expendable. We're the expendables. The only way to control your life is to take your fate into your own hands, to become self-aware. To plot out your OWN course, not let someone else do it for you. If you don't, someone will plot it unconsciously for you, uncaringly. They will rehearse the act of blowing your brains all over the wall of some classroom or hallway. Maybe not even that. Maybe they will put into motion the act of locking you inside of a fucking windowless, barred cage for the rest of your life just because you realized the secret. I don't like the idea of that. It resembles my life here too much. I say fuck you all. Fuck you all. Wow I sound so crazy to you probably, but to me I sound so sane. It's true... When you're insane, you don't even fucking know it because it's so natural. You're born with it. You've been that way since you plopped out of your mom's fucking vagina. That in itself is a disturbing thought. We spend nine months trying to get out of one of those fucking things and then spend the rest of our life trying to frantically thrust our way back inside another. It's a maddeningly futile existence. I could rant like this forever, I believe. I can't seem to stop, no matter how hard I try. I'm just looking for a place to stop and rest for a little while, a nice secluded place off the road to take a nice little nap. I'm tired... Not the appropriate end, however. I've gotta end it with... with something better. So tired, can't breathe too well. It seems like I never have been able to breathe very well, ever. Maybe because somewhere deep inside, I don't want to keep breathing. Either way, I'm back into the swing of things, am I not? How long have I been writing this? I don't know, will I ever know? Do you even know yourself? I don't think any of us really know. Hahaha. I dunno. I know not. The knowledge does not exist within my brain. Insane in the membrane. You ever heard that song? I think it's a song. Or at least I'm pretty sure. It's by uhhh... Cypress Hill, right? Damn that song sucks. Hmmm.. Throat hurts. Need to stop smoking this crazy shit, it only enhances my difference. Fuck it... Fuck you all. I hate you... 	I gave Mom the thumbs-up. She was asking me a question. What was it? I know not. Do I really know anything in this life? I mess up everything. I bet I could fuck up a turkey sandwich. I'm that fucking stupid. I know one thing I won't fuck up. I was born for it, you know? Some of us are. We take that role without regret, we accept it without complaint. It's our only way out, you know? It's comforting to know that you're in control but they think you're the most unstable fuck in the world. Hahaha. Maybe I am... ARGH. I just wish I could draw a full breath sometime. I miss being able to breathe. I can't.... I can't like... Calm down. Why can't I calm down? I think I'm just having a bad high. I think that's it. I.. I dunno. I think I should stop before I say too much. Or... maybe I already have. Goodbye and farewell, much ado to you.
Please I just want to post this.
Please work.
I smell like a big fart.
FML.
7:35. Shark Fights nears. Jesus, was it really that long ago?
September 18th.
I mean 11th.
There is a bottle that hasn't been drank from.
A plate that hasn't been supped from.
I killed Firefox.
Without regret.y-one 
I want to mariante in a sauce of hate.\,kada
Cicada of spray.
Kill the hater of the blossoms.
Throat so clear but my mind so weak.
My mind is so near, I know the end is near.
That's sweat, not a fart. Get it right, Mike.
You're an outlaw, Pete.
September 18 into early 19th (centry)
Use this font on the morrow, lad. Ach. I'm pretty nervous about rolling my first real joint later on this evening, I even sorta have butterflies.
I had a good day with Brett playing Halo Reach, yo.
I had a hell of a time last night and this morning. Me and Brett were hanging out and smoking and playing the new Halo Reach game. It was fucking amazing. You can get all these different powerups when you're playing online on Xbox Live. Like you can have a jetpack or you can go invisible or you can run fast. But the coolest one was what me and Brett called 'our little guys' or 'the runners'. You press the power-up button and aim where you want it to go and this little hologram guy comes running out in front of you and goes wherever you want him to go. The enemy team sees him running out, and it looks so real so they think it's you and start shooting at him and wasting their ammo and being distracted and you run up and kill them while they're busy shooting uselessly at a hologram. Me and Brett were laughing so hard. It was hilarious for us, we were like little kids in a candy store. Because me and Brett used to be old-school Halo 2 players in 2006, this shit is like.... It's crazy how far Halo has come. It was awesome, man. We got carried away with the holograms though...
But they came in handy. These dudes were fucking camping out in one of these central rooms and we couldn't root them out no matter what, they kept dodging the grenades we tossed in there to try to blast 'em out. So I send one of my little guys through the door into the room and sure enough, you see the runner go trotting through the door into the room like a retard, not looking left or right, just kinda going straight ahead like a hologram. One of the enemy guys comes around and runs behind it, probably thinking 'Oh man this guy must be an idiot, I'm gonna get a great kill.' So he starts lighting him up with a bunch of bullets. And the hologram disappears. And he says 'oh shit' and turns around, but it's too late. Boom. I kill him. Me and Brett collapse laughing. Ahahahaha. Fucking awesome. Never gets old. I can't wait to smoke again and use the holograms.
Oh random observation, too. We were listening to Creep by Stone Temple Pilots and I thought it was Nirvana for a second, because we came in at the chorus. Oh wow, three people on Youtube thought it was too. There are three separate videos called Half The Man I Used To Be by Kurt Cobain. They got the band and the song title wrong, that's epic fail, more than me even. Apparently a lot of people think that though, so I'm not ashamed. It sounded like Nirvana for some reason.
The best way to ruin the truth is to stretch it. (church sign) Take your own advice.
Take away the not.
I'm listening to kitno ratm loud in the car while old people walk by unawares. This is bliss.
Patience and patients.
Sharktopus on Syfy.
Rest Stop death scene poignant.
Father when you coming back? Mother leave the light on again. Sister with someone somewhere somewhere, brother brother brooootheeer.
Are you a-skeeeered?
I'm left-eared.
Wow Bunny left Earl.
And I believe it all is coming to an end, oh well I guess we're gonna pretend.
I can't sing, especially with a bad throat.
Let's see how far we've come.
Feelin' uninspired, think I'll start a fire. Everybody run, Bobby's got a gun.
Me and Brett came up with poop juice and poop soup. That's what makes a girl's asshole as warm as her pussy when you're fucking her. That's not warm pussy juice. That's warm poop soup, buddy, on your dick, dude.
Woooow, Tori Black. Once you go Black, you don't go back.
The Breakfast Club simultaneously.
Do you want me to take my panties off?
You like that, don't you?
So that's what Female Performer Of The Year pussy looks like?
Give me something bigger to suck on.
Watching me while you fuck me, huh? Watching me be a fucking dirty girl for your cock, eh? You make me such a dirty girl.
Making me work for my cum, huh? Making me work for the fucking cum, huh?
Oh my God, that's fu--- Still cummi--- Still cumming.
You make me cum so quick. That dick is just that good, huh?
I can feel the tip of your fucking dick rubbing in my pussy. It feels so fuckin' nice. So fuckin' nice.
Nice and wet. That's how I like it.
How do my lips look wrapped around it? Do they look good?
You like it, don't you?
You like that. Dirty girl.
My face is getting all dirty. I like it. Makes my pussy wet.
(licks balls) Does that tickle? (jerking off at the same time) I can feel your cock get harder in my hand. :D
I want to sit on it. Can I sit on it? Is-is it hard enough for me? I think it is. Maybe one last little kiss.
Give me that fucking dick.
Mmm, my pussy's so wet. (giggle)
Ooooh. My pussy's so wet he's just slipping right out.
That's some good fucking dick. Good fucking dick.
You gonna fuck me, with that nice fucking dick you have? You wanna fuck me?
Please fuck me. Please. I promise my pussy will be good to you. Please.
You know just how to fuck me, don't you know? Mmm, you do. You know just how to fuck me.
That's what I want. That's what I fucking want.
Don't you want to watch me suck your cock?
Came.
Halo Reach maps are in the past, before it all became fucked up.
When it's something we love that keeps us away. Well it costs even more and it's so much to pay. To have you all here with me.
Wow I've heard Fat Lip by Sum 41 before, but it sucks balls.
In Too Deep's not bad.
It's pretty much worn off. Fuuuuck it lasted for a bit, didn't it?
I think the coffee helped, too.
And the new music.
Do jous noes that everytime jous nears?!
I have a smell in my nose like it's bleeding. Strange. Internal corruption imminent?
And I search through every face without a single trace of the person, the person that I need.
I rolled my first joint last night dude.
Make the boat first.
Brett let me borrow Halo Reach, too. Suhweet.
Listening to 2:33 to 3:11 on repeat.
My asshole's been open this entire time, fartying.
What IS that smell?
Nat.
Mebbe the computer's been on too long. Mebbe.
Oh wow from the title of a Sherdog thread, seems like Butterbean lost last night to... Pudz.
Yep TKO one minute and fifteen seconds in. Wooow.
Mankiewicz. That is an awesome name.
So is van Bergen.
Dowda.
Kulak.
Puhakka.
Mankowski.
That was a gamey booger.
Just mebbe.
Gonna go smoke me a cigarette.
Then one bowl. My last bowl, hopefully. Gotta learn to roll, yo'll.
Don't rock the boat, don't rock the boat, baby. Don't rock the boat, don't tip the boat over.
hAHA, dot't tp the aad,
Don't tip the waiter.
JHaven't g
Haven't gone yet.
Started ova.er.
My spider-deflecting jacket rocks.
Okay, finally going to smoke. 10:14 P.M.
When you comin' back?
10:24, tried to roll another joint and failed miserably. Bowl is the failure last resort technique. Heres I's a-comin', Angelo 2. For my Alzheimer's. Alzheimer's, pwease.
Later
I was just sniffin', man.
I've had this font before, right?
I keep forgettin' to breathe.
Alzheimer's.
Oh man, how lomh?
10:33 A.M.
I'm comfortable. Nice suggestion.
Find something to do. Anything. Whatever comes up. It's fate. It's a lot fucking funner that way.
Rock Band.com, the Rock Band discussion forums.
Must be fate.
Let's post on the forums.
I did, and a Tumblr.
Dude Same Direction. Just to end up like them in the end. Before. Too weary to explain further.
So uhhh... The Alzheimers and Parkinsons are starting really quickly, so I need to uhhh... decide whether or not I wanna play single-player or multiplayer.
If I don't roll, I don't smoke. I'm done with that pipe. I'm throwing it away when I wake up. REMEMBER, okay? Ha. Yeah.
I think I'm gonna be fine.
It's 3:57 by the way. .357 Magnum.
I want to marry Tori Black.
Or Lexi Belle.
Or Kristi.
Or Britt.
Damn dude, my dick IS big.
Hmm. Unaddressed issues. 4:54.
It's weird to know that only an hour has passed. Not even. Three minutes shy.
Z said that he didn't want to smoke.
Wow, this is turning into a disaster of a day.
No roll, no smoke.
I had Donny throw Angelo 2 away, I don't know where he went, so that's safe.
Calling it a day officially at 5:40.
LATER
Gotta distinguish it, but it's still not.... diagrammed infientnyl.'ADA
O was gpmma sa that uh.. Well um.. I lied.
I rolled a joint like a shitty rolled cigarette, smoked it, worked perfectly, scary ripped right now and uhh... Yeah. 6:12. So eat my ass bitch.
Left a roach for whenever next time is, too.
It's gonna be suhweet.
Swuh-eet, dude.
Suh, wheat?
Suh, wet?
Suh, what?
Spuh, right?
Spuh, ring?
Swuh-em?
Wasted that high majority epicly ruggt thar.
Rugged wasteland of the outback steakhouse.
Roach so lonely out dhere.
Dude, Black Hawk Down, the last stand part.
He fired the powerful rifle, and one of the oncoming forms stumbled and tripped backwards, jerking spasmodically like a ragdoll.
He fired a pair of brief bursts but hit nothing.
Gordy's gone, man. I'll be outside.
Good luck.
Geeraw ousyeen, meelaw!
Four wheels and armor, get it.
Good joint.
Good roll.
Put the rest of it back in the bag, you fucking idiot.
The boy unloaded nine rapid bullets mercilessly into the body, turning his face further away with each shot as if repulsed. Still, he continued pulling the trigger. Something primal inside his mind had taken over his body, it seemed. A contradicting grimace-grin of horror and excitement split his cratered face and lit up his wide eyes.
Blood streaked the right side of his face and he stared unseeingly into the distance. Somewhere deep inside, he was broken. He didn't have a scratch on him physically. It wasn't his blood; it was the blood of the girl beside him in the hallway.
Using Black Hawk Down to get this, it's brilliant.
Excessive use of high, officer down hehe.
They hopped down stealthfully from the six-foot stone wall, and went into a crouch aiming their weapons with a single well-trained movement.
He held the radio close to his mouth, looking through the window with hard, calculating eyes.
"I want you to fire to the east," he said quietly and authoratively, patting the man on the shoulder.
He pulled the clip out of the discarded rifle and slipped it into his pocket. He would rather have it and not need it instead of needing it and not having it/.
He pulled him close and mouthed silently to suggest that he read his lips. "Put him down."
He put pressure on the leg wound and looked away for a second as another gunshot echoed. His distracted hand slipped off the wound. Blood squirted into the air and the boy squealed in shock and agony before his eyes rolled up in his head. He fainted away.
The girl was screaming. It was a scream of pure pain, like that of an animal. It was an endless loop of screaming. Another gunshot echoed, and another voice began screaming. A male voice this time.
The bomb exploded behind them. A flaming piece of debris bounced off the wall a few inches from HER head./
Had to fill my lungs.
Dried blood was encrusted all over his face and his nose seemed three times its normal size. He coughed weakly. His right arm lay limp on his chest. He couldn't move it. His eyes were bright with shockingly fierce defiance, however. It was an abstract image.
Barely-restrained panic tightened his voice and made his words as clear as they had ever been.
"One, two, three!" he counted down quickly, pushing the bone back into place. His "patient" screamed hoarsely in agony.
His face was peaceful. His breath came in short hitches. It wouldn't be long until it didn't come at all.
Rapid gunshots chattered and boomed throughout the cafeteria.
There was an intimidating explosion and three or four sizeable chunks of plaster tumbled from the ceiling. A few of the students ran for cover, dodging bullets. One girl wasn't able
to dodge well enough. She took a bullet through the neck and toppled bonelessly onto her face with a sickening thud that somehow seemed deafening even through the chaotic whirlwind of sound that accompanied the murder.
Yet another bomb exploded, and a few moments later, flames licked and danced up one of the walls. It illuminated the murderous scene with an eerie flickering glow.
There was a small shrapnel wound on his left cheek, but he seemed more calm than anyone.
The boy began gasping and choking. He was trying to draw breath through dying lungs. His lip trembled as he struggled to hold onto life, to his very existence. He whispered that he could make it, he could wait for the ambulances. Suddenly, as if from nowhere, he went limp. His eyes stared to the side at nothing as his head lolled to the right.
His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed hard. He blinked rapidly and held back tears. A few got through and leaked down through the grime covering his cheeks.
Five bullets smashed into the wall beside of his leg, in five different places. He screamed and dived for cover. He knew he was a target.Those were delibrately aimed shots.
A pair of bullets spranged and clanged off the locker to his right and ricocheted wildly. A piercing snap-whine accompanied the deflected rounds.
Might be done. 6:47.
I'm not getting on no fucking roof.
Gonna go put the roach somewheres safer.
Couldn't, neighbor bitch was out there. Had to smoke a cigarette as cover for coming out.
Thought I heard a chicken out there.
Strip toker, remember that.
8:09.
I was so high when it happened, it didn't hit me that I was talking to a cop until afterwards.
That roach has what looks like two hits on it.
I'll smoke it in the morning.
So I got a badass wake and bake planned.
8:28.
Wow.
Now, with number-one contender Chael Sonnen being busted for steroids, the winner of Belfort vs. Okami is suspected to gain the next title shot at Silva.
oOPS.
Now, with number-one contender Chael Sonnen being busted for steroids, the winner of Belfort vs. Okami is suspected to gain the next title shot at Silva.
DAMN IT.
I meant....
ALATER, nINE TEN P.M.
I smoked it. The roach.
It wouldn't have been a nice wake and bake. There were maybe three and a half -- possibly four -- good hits left. I'm buzzin' a tiny bit, nut not wake and bake stature. I'll smoke half a joint for that in the wee hours of ze evening when I awake tomorrow and uhhhhhhh.... I'll save the rest of THAT joint for........ either that night if I can't wait... or the nest morning if I can. So that's.... one, possibly two days with at least one sesh in them. And still probably one joint left, so another, possibly yet another day with at least one sesh. That's two guaranteed days, and two possible days. I might even be able to squeeze a third joint out for ummmmm.... three guaranteed days and three possible days. That' could be like... six days of highness.
Your Highness.
I'm a tiny bit high.
Heard voices. MScreaming 'Lee, open it!'
Thanks, burped.
Brother is my new If You Could Only See. Listen to it like sixteen times a day at the major minimum, brah.
I've Seen Better Days. Bliss.
XXX rocks.
Not much to the life I live. Same four walls. I have nothing left to give. Please take it all away. Same four walls.
I feel the pain as rats claw at my flesh.
Feel the joy as the needle hits my vein.
Smell the stench as shit runs down my leg.
Okay so 4 Walls is a sleeper.
that was weird.
The thoughts from my mind have one question. When will this ever end?
The thoughts from my mind ask for sanity. No. For this, I beg.
The thoughts from my mind have one question. When will I be dead?
9:40.
Gonna watch TV and then take a shower and go to beddy bye, so bye. Until tomorrow. Cheers. 9:47.
Can't sleep.
So many sins.
I feel drained.
Insomnia is what it is.
The cure, I know.
I have to get back to my 8 P.M. to 9 A.M. sleep schedule again dude. I just... I dunno how I'll make it without staying up exhausted as fuck all day and wanting cigs and wanting to roll a joint and... wanting to... I dunno. FUCK.
Gotta stay up as long as possible, wake up sometime late today, the 20th now, and uhhh.... then stay up the rest of the 21st and go to sleep at 8 P.M. that day.
That's the plan, Stan.
SD time.
SEPTEMBER 20
Sam rolled a perfect -- PERFECT -- joint.
Mommy's in the shower, asking questions.
God, that really creeped up on me dude, that high did.
Oh, the Internet's fixed.
Hey man, I'm addicted.
Man, have you ever wondered about zebras? Like.... why do they have stripes? Why don't giraffes have striped? I think hyenas have stripes. Tigers certainly do. But... do zebras really deserve stripes? That's my original inquiry.
Left a perfect - PERFECT - roach.
Thought the cops were here.
Roach-spider on my wrist.
Is that rain?
No wind.
Or blood pressure.
Pressure, somehow.
Put the fire back out.
You know you're older when you got your cycle.
He doesn't know we're here.
Gonna play some Xbox.
See fit he Internet helped Xbox Live, too.
I meant to type "see if the." Wow Major Dyslexia.
Hahaha I freaked out when it didn't work and figured out finally that the Ethernet wasn't plugged up again. From when I took it to Brett's. So I plugged it up. Hahaha retard.
Predatory intelligence.
Gonna watch Tori Black whenever I smoke-a dat roach. I guess whenever I damn well choose to smoke it. It's mine. It's by the smokerpot.
Hahaha smokerpot. Beautiful.
That's beautiful.
I could have knifed that sumbitch.
I'm going east bound and down.
Watch my mind, stomp my mind, scratch your hands through my ever stomping hate.
For the first time in a long time, I feel your hate.
I'm gonna play Halo 3 for the first time in a long time.
Head out nigga Willy on the stompin' line.
Stomp the Yard, remember that gay shit?
Speaking of... Yes, later.
Lol the Halo 3 lobby music is epic.
Sweeeeet, Team SWAT, dude.
Epic.
:( I don't have the required mappack.
Have to settle for Team Slayer. Yaaaay...
PokeMaster117? Wow.
Team Slayer on Guardian. Let's do it, Jerzey Devil.
Someone left thirteen seconds in...
We won like 50 to 42 easy.
Sweated out the buzz, man.
Need to get friends on Halo again, so I can quickly and easily arrange Infection games for fun, like I used to be able to. That was great. All the different friends and shit on there, random, could be this one, or that one.
I feel the jooooy as the needle hits my veeiiiiin.
Multi Team is the best playlist to get friends.
Just DOMINATED Rocket Race with iCracka Smacka. And we're partying up. So I think I got a pardner, here.
I met a cool dude on there too in Multi Team called uhhh... Buckley from Dickson, Tennessee coincidentally. We played for a bit in there, then some Infection, I added him and told him I had to get offline to go smoke the roach outside because it was lonely out there and needed my mouth and my lungs to keep it company out there.
Somewhere out there, somewhere out theeeeere.
Little girls have little creases.
I wonder if I can leave a mini-roach from the roach itself? It depends. It's a decent-sized roach, honestly.
Somewhere out theeeeeere. Fallin' outta reach.
Might not be.
5:34.
Gonna jack off first.
Awww.... Firefox shut down, lost my 'buddy'.
Anal is for fags. Go watch some gay porn if you want anal so much that it ruins a straight video. Fuck you.
Mmm, Ashlyn Rae.
She's using a glass candy cane dildo.
He makes her keep saying she's nineteen.
She's hot but I need some dirty talking whores right now. I love dirty talking whores.
Yeah show me that's your fucking pussy.
That was.... probably the only good line from that one anon video... She was shrill.
Always check the comments beforehand.
Came to a Brandi Belle video eventually.
6:20.
Headin' out. Then after it wears off, eventually, gotta take a shower dude. Eventually.
LATER
Creeper, but not a big buzz whatsoever.
Gaining a slight tolerance and if I keep smoking this much, it'll get worse. Gotta give it a bit.
What?
I need Brother.
Heading to Grass City, ooze on my lips, remember?
Don't take anything I say literally.
I smell marijuana, probable cause for search.
I have done it. Great tool.
Absolutely! If I smell marijuana (and there's only one thing in the world that smells like it, and it's marijuana) I'm getting in that car whether you like it or not! And if you resist... you'll probably go to jail!
Always looking for the green leafy substance believed to be marijuana.
So far all I've had to do was say, "I smell it. Where is the rest of it and what you used to smoke it with?" I have yet, although I know it will come, to have anyone try the stupid game. I actually had one guy on a stop that has a history of use. I told him I smelled it when I didn't and he handed me 2 dime bags. DOH!! 
BTW, they sell some stuff for U/C work that smells just like burning MJ! It's to help with street buys.
An odor of fresh marijuana is an open invite to taking that car apart.
 As far as I'm concerned, I think if they are breaking the law, they shouldn't be "protected" by the 4th. This is to protect the law abiding citizen from an overzealous police nation and government hunting for things that are not or may not be there.
I'm gonna go finish off the mini-roach actually after I'm done with this high.
No... no, wait. I'm gonna just finish it off.
No.
No, later.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?!
Paint me a burning ham.
Front yard swing.
Daughter's ring.
Yep. You can't reason with cops. If you are pulled over, they have ALL the power. Try arguing with them and you are pulled out and thrown to the ground.
There's a reason people become a police officer, they want to hold a position of power over others. That's the bottom line. They don't give a fuck about protecting or helping anyone.
If they do something wrong, nothing happens. They can literally shoot someone in the head and their cop buddies will say "We're currently looking into the situation, further details will follow." Meanwhile the guy is suspended with pay.
I'm gonna go finish the mini-joint, this ain't shit.
Gonna listen to Brother first though.
Shadowboxed and did absolutely fine, which is unusual these days with my cardio.s
Cardop.
Got four walls ready for my return voyage.
And new font.
Flaunt. Underused word.
Type later with this. Oooh, pretty.
LATER
This'll have to do until tomorrow.
I'm not really high, though.
Yeah, I am.
No.
Headin' to Highdeas.
Can you imagine being a ninja? Can you imagine being a ninja and having great sex? Seriously, you'd be able to get into all kinds of positions. You could even go at it upside down on the ceiling. Stamina wouldn't be a problem either. You could fuck your ninja girlfriend/boyfriend anywhere at anytime without anyone ever knowing!
Female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. Guess who wants to be a penguin in his next life.
6:52.
Wow.
As a friend and I were smoking a blunt at the peak of a hike, we looked out across the town, marveled at the beauty of the city lights, and pondered the meaning of life. I asked, "Its just so big, and yet so small, what could this all possibly mean? What are we working towards? How are we to know if there is life after death, after all of this?" After a moment, he smiled, looked to me and replied, "look at it this way... we've already won. We were the fastest sperm to that egg, and this is our prize..."
The first time I smoked pot, I was in the back seat of my older brother’s car. It must have been some pretty good weed, too, because I’m an only child.
The early worm may get the bird but the second mouse gets the cheese. I mean, the early bird may get the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.
ok so, imagin a car, and the front two seats could turn completely 180 degrees around so then u could have a little lounge in ur car for hotboxing ^_^
I feel like flies get a kick out of bothering the shit out of you. Those fuckers... I will swat all of them down.
Ouch burnt my fingerpad.
Dude apparently Drew Carey got skinny. Wow.
Gotta remind myself to watch Whose Line, man.
My day is going to be something like this: "can i have your order?" Me: "EVERYTHING ON THE DOLLAR MENU!"....well im off to mcdonalds with 20$ and a dream
It won't let me check my email for my Highdeas password and I'm getting pissed.
I used Vobas.com to check it.
The saaame foouuur waaallss.
I'm at the fuck it point. Goodbye.
Addict deep end.
Shitty joint.
Shall return.
LATER
To the fuck it point.
Point Fuck It.
So high right now.
Nah...
Pretty high, though.
Wow.
Spine was doing the raggedy bend.
Nearly fucked that joint.
It goes hand in hand now (porn and teen chat.)
I can vividly hear the fly dude.
Or beer.
Yawned, good. 7:35.
I have cumbersome to this world. I have become cumbersome to my girl.
I feel really tired, and it's 7:39.
Another Tori Black POV.
I'm horny today. Ready to give a whackjob.
(They're so soft) Mmmm. They're all mine.
Ooooh! Your butthole doesn't even look violated. It's so tiny..
God, I'm so fucking horny today.
Ooooh God. I'm gonna cum before I even make him cum. (Are you going to cum?) Yeah.. I--I mean, do you want me to? (Yeaaah! I'd love to see you cum.) You'd like that? Oooh you gotta be dirty and tell me to cum. (You cummin', you dirty little cunt?) Oooh fuck. Yeah. Yeah. (Fuckin' come all over yourself.) Yeah!
And this was just a handjob.
Wow.
Moving on to blowjob.
She was definitely younger, her voice was weird.
Her eyes are dangerous.
http://www.youjizz.com/videos/hot-tori-black-pov-182355.html
The dreaded butterface.
I've had the sex orgasm quite a few times.
Wow Efrain got cut.
97 GTO.
GGT.
Anyways, gonna play some Halo 3.
Team Slayer, yaaaay...
Oh I forgot, I don't have any cigs. No I did not remember however. Nope.
Good game but they were sword whores.
8:22.
I was the best on our team, but we still lost that one.
Can you drink almonds?
We destroyed the next team to oppose us, me, losCUBS and RockChalk3. We're a good team. I got two double kills and a triple kill.
I'm gonna go see if I can see Jupiter after this game is over heh.
Me and RockChalk remaining. He keeps badgering me to do the last three levels of campaign with him. No means no, you know?
We lost 50 to 37, but it was a good game.
I'm gonna play again. One more time, then I'll add RockChalk heh.
Wow getting a LOT of new chest hairs.
Happy trail.
Guardian for the fourth or fifth time in a row. What the flying fuck?
Vetoed to Snowbound, thank science.
50 to 38, we got owned.
Okay, maybe one more game.
We won 50 to 42 and then I teabagged this dude's girl after I got the last kill on her, a double kill.
I can't add RockChalk, cause his friend's list is too full. Mehmehmeh.
I'm the fucking Hitler for cockroaches. And spiders as well dude.
Okay, Donny didn't throw Angelo 2 away unfortunately yet fortunately. You ask why fortunately. I answer with the explanation that I don't have enough stuff left to roll a joint but I have enough for a premium bowl. And I wanna save my mini roach for a bit.
Be right back.
Write later in this font when you return, high but brain-dead fute.
LATER
I can't think like this, I can't chew meat like this. I'm basically just.... dazed and confused like this. (Simple Plan-ish)
9:20.
I thought a phone vibrating, like buzzing, and I realized it was my breath. I was like... choking. I was paranoiiiid, I sure was... paranoid.
I don't wanna waaaaste my time.... sorting out your mental melody, I need a fucking break from you.
Sex and candy sells, but not this belated tale of reality, it's not fantasy, if you don't believe me look at us.
The pipe high sucks, since my brain's really dying.
I wanna be able to have a September 21st one, albeit short.
Oh man my brain is mad, my brain's death is sad.
It plays with you like a child with his toy by manifesting your worst fear to make it worse. It's the sickest torture.
(Kinda like an IT story. They're passing through a small town and suddenly they realize something isn't quite right. Homes seem empty with doors open and belongings scattered in the yard forgotten as if the occupants of the home had left in a hurry. While they're still waiting for the red light to change. The light wasn't going to change. Mahoney starts to drive further through the town and discovers more.
Forgot my Capri Sun.
9:27.
Being high is just high blood pressure.
"I am the walrus." I am the killer whale. You're fucked.
Schwagiest schwag
Dankity dank
Whose Line, 9:35
It's a very oral show.
Doing the SINAH
More Tori Black then uhhh shower.
Oooh damn she's fucking a black dude.
Could you cum in my mouth? Please, please cum in my mouth.
http://www.youjizz.com/videos/tori-black-fucks-prince-138381.html
Ooooh her in a really young babysitter vid.
She was so cute.
http://www.youjizz.com/videos/teen-babysitter-tori-black-part-1-of-5-125419.html Part 1 of babysitter
Came to this one: http://www.youjizz.com/videos/tori-black-interracial-129227.html
When I do return, I wanna type in this one.
Shower time at 10:32.
Out at 10:43.
How the Naked Fridays policy turned out at your office: My boss will see you now.
11:44
LATER
Not much in my life to give, the same four walls.
Man, I guess I'm not THAT stoned.
Need to head back downstairs and hit that mini-mini-roach.
Neck feels tihght.
Headin' down, 11:50, really? 
Space bar.
LOL, the Space Bar. Like a nerd's bar, a recreation of the Mos Eisley cafe.
Headin' down, 1!:50.
LATER
Roaches feast on cum.
Yum.
Anyways uhh.. went down and smoked on ze mini-mini roach, and there's still a mini-mini-mini roach left.
Woah, flyin' high, guy?
My flow is fly and my mind is high, every girl on the block knows I'm the go-to guy.
What the fuck is cannabutter?
This is my last high, isn't it? My last real high, I mean.
Trailer park heaven was a dream to me, because we had it all figured out. Simple and not jaded. There was a promise of a brighter day, but soon it would all fade out.
Whatever It Takes.
Probablem, loading adamdtweorass.
Oh I DID brush my teeth.
They're all caps, you retard.
This clock never seemed so alive.
I just saw it turn 12:00.
I can't keep my eyes offa you.
later, nah kidding
Headin' back down though, seriously, just turned 12:05 too.
I returned at 12:10, right now basically.
Um.... gonna play Left 4 Dead a bit.
Mom probably spent the money Mema gave her to get my I.D. Right?
I was playin' with the TV off almost. HAHAHA.
Donny's making more chicken.
I broke my bending back.
Oh, my aching pussy foot.
Slow, wide load.
Capri Sun.
I never did see Jupiter tonight. Worthy sacrifice.
Consecutive life terms.
Start the fuckin' game, dude.
There's not much to this left I live.
I feel compelled to destroy other lives. This longing I have makes me thirst for blood. I want to play God, I want to be Him. I want them to pray at my feet and follow my every whim.
Mom's back, 12:19, right on fuckin' time.
Yessss, I predicted it. I get to be fuckin' host for once. I cannot screw up this fuckin' oppurtunity.
Playing the waiting game.
City of Fear, made in 1959 and remade in 2001. That just popped up in my head. Wonder if it's true.
Nah, I lied.
Phobia, that's the title.
Got two extras.
Kay? Kay? Kay.
Henry's hunky, eh?
Misery, oh for this I beg.
Apprehension to the scare.
Please just start the game.
It takes two.
My computer's sneaky.
I'll be Louis. Just hurry.
Hank is helpful.
Jesse motherfucking Myers.
Left that lobby, too.
I wish I could just play...
Now here we go.
My mic won't work though...
Mom's going to get chili, fries and a Dr. Pepper. Sweet, lucky is slowly turning here.
Oh I'm an infected citizen, eh? Racist.
Fuck this, we got our asses kicked, wasn't remotely fun, 12:37 it just now turned it.
Far Cry 2 time.
Phew. 12:41.
Mom's back, 12:$1.
Another reason why my child will NEVER have a computer in their own room...
Eh I'm done. For a long time. Truly done... Shit.. Bye.
Laaaater on.
Going to sleep, 2:25.