Battle of the Bots

The second chapter of Total Drama Tokyo, posted on January 13, 2012.
==Story==
"Last time on Total Drama Tokyo, lots of crap that nobody cares about happened. I mean, the 22 contestants came here, but that was about it. We have a pretty annoying cast this season. Anyways, let's get to the plane. We're going to Tokyo, I guess." says Chris.
A new and improved version of the Total Drama Jumbo Jet comes up behind Chris, with the 22 contestants inside of it.
Chris then enters the Jumbo Jet. "Where were you?" demands Neal.
"Calm down, dude. I have seating assignments for you all," says Chris.
"Ooh, I hope I get paired with a hot guy," says Vivienne excitedly.
"We'll see. So, first pair is... Wait, Chef, where's the papers?" asks Chris.
"Uhhh..." says Chef. "I totally didn't drop them in the Pacific Ocean."
"CHEF! Fine, you guys get to pick your partners," says Chris sadly.
"'Kay, you're my partner," says Tolkien immediately to Ari.
"Hop off, she's mine," says Roz. Ari giggles.
"Anderson, do you wanna be with me, then? I'll tell you my deepest, darkest secrets," says Tolkien.
Anderson sighs obnoxiously. "Fiiiiiine."
Tolkien and Anderson sit down. "I get the window seat," says Tolkien.
"Uh, nice try, I get it. Otherwise I get plane-sick," snaps Anderson.
"You can't get plane-sick," scoffs Tolkien. "It's physically impossible."
Anderson holds up a barf bag from under the seat. "Wanna see me try?" he snaps.
"I'd rather not. Now, let's just get along and we'll get to Tokyo a lot quicker," says Tolkien.
"Charles, let me sit by the window," says Layla.
Charles sighs and lets Layla sit by the window, then he sits next to her.
"Can't I sit with someone a little bit nicer?" he pleads.
"No," says Layla.
Bennett sits down, with his girls. "Heeeey, girls. You're lucky you get to sit next to me."
"Ooh, we love you, Bennett," say the girls simultaneously. They kiss him on the cheek.
"I hate that guy. Don't you, Wolfie? Don't you? Doesn't he just make you want to--" says Puck.
Wolfgang elbows Puck in the shoulder, and mutters something.
"Aw, c'mon, you're still actin' shy?" says Puck. "Don't worry, be 'chill.'"
Wolfgang falls asleep, then draws a mustache on Puck's face with a Sharpie while sleeping.
"You know how lucky I am to get to sit next to someone like you?" asks Julian.
"Would your feelings be hurt if I didn't speak to you once this entire trip?" says Estrella, cracking open an ominous-looking book.
"Aw, come on, girl. Live a good life," says Julian.
"I can't. It's not painful enough," says Estrella.
"That's what sheeee said," says Julian. Estrella rolls her eyes.
"Help me, please," whispers a voice. Julian turns around, and sees Shawn squeezed next to Yuri, who is taking notes.
"OMG, guess what, Shawn. A few days ago, before I got here, I made this super insane crack pairing. Wanna hear it?" says Yuri gleefully.
"I'd rather not," says Shawn. "Wanna hear my new song instead?"
"NO," yells Yuri. "Anyways, my pairing is... Ready? EZEKIEL AND DJ!"
"Did they even interact? Like, at all?" asks Shawn.
"Probably not, I don't care. They're really cute together," gushes Yuri.
"Did you write any inappropriate fanfictions?" asks Shawn.
"Actually, I did. It's called 'Beast and the Beast.' Isn't that such a good title? Yaoieee!" says Yuri.
"It's a horrible title," says Shawn. "Worst thing I've ever heard, it's not even funny," says Julian.
"Wanna hear my shortened synopsis?" asks Yuri.
"No," say Estrella, Julian, and Shawn simultaneously.
Yuri clears her throat. "DJ was just a normal, wimpy lad. Ezekiel was just a normal, recently-un-zombified lad. One day they ran into each other in the grocery store, and went home to play video games. And then they did some 69. The end."
"Wait, that was the whole story?" asks Shawn.
"You said it was a shortened synopsis," says Julian skeptically.
"They sure are being loud over there, huh?" asks Thomas.
"I'm sorry. I don't wanna talk to you. You're not popular enough." says Casey.
Thomas says in the confessional, "I'm just trying to be nice. Not even a relationship or anything, just making conversation. If she stopped acting like a poser, then maybe I'd like her."
"Alright, what's your problem?" says Casey.
"I don't have a problem, I'm just sitting here, reading this SkyShop magazine," says Thomas.
"No, you're too tall, and ugly," says Casey.
"Just like your idol, Chelsey," says Thomas snidely.
"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that," says Casey.
Casey says in the confessional, "That Tommy kid, or whatever his name is, is so annoying. He doesn't shut up, he's really awkward, and he's probably not popular. I have to share a locker with some guy who reminds me of him, at my school. Wait, maybe it is him. If it is, why don't I know his name? Oh, right, because I don't care. But he's kinda cute, isn't he... Snap out of it, Casey. You know he's unpopular."
Yuri says in the confessional, "I think that Julian and Shawn are being very disrespectful. I worked a whole fifty seconds on that yaoi story, and all they do is say it's short. It's not short, it's really long."
"That's what sheeee said," says a Julian-like voice from outside.
"So, uh, how's life? Do you have any pets?" asks Gail.
"Yeah, I have a dog," says Flora.
"Oh..." says Gail. "That's disappointing..."
"Yeah. And a brother named Aiden, and a sister named Emily," says Flora.
Gail says in the confessional, "Flora's just so... boring. We have nothing in common, she's so impossible to talk to. She's just the average teen girl. Ugh, she's just so... Ugh."
"My full name is Flora Marie Smith. Yours?" smiles Flora.
"My full name is Roxette Madelleine Gail Zzyzwicz," says Gail.
"That's a really weird name. What are your hobbies?" asks Flora.
Gail says in the confessional, "I'm prepared to act shy around this chick, she's working my last nerve."
"I have a pet parakeet named Crackers too," says Flora.
Gail waits for a moment. She then starts to sob.
"Did I say something? I'm so sorry," Flora pats Gail on the back.
"No, it's fine. You can't control your boring-ness," says Gail.
Horatio is sitting there awkwardly. Delia stares at him evilly from the other seat.
Horatio says in the confessional, "That chick scares me... So freaking much... Calm down, Horatio... Keeping the faith... Keeping the faith..."
"Uh... So... Nice weather today, huh?" asks Horatio.
"Yes. It's beautiful," says Delia quietly and intimidatingly.
Horatio jumps out of his seat and rushes to Neal. "Lemme sit next to you, man!"
"But I'm with Isabel here," says Neal. "I suppose you could switch girls."
Horatio sits down next to Neal, and pushes Isabel out.
"Ooh, an adventure! I wonder who I'm going to get to sit next to?" asks Isabel.
"Hi," says Delia.
"Ooh, you're so pretty. I love your hair, do you do it yourself? I love redheads. They're cute," says Isabel.
"I'm not..." says Delia. "Never mind. Just, never mind."
"I'm going to sing you a song. Do you want to hear a song?" asks Isabel.
"No," says Delia.
"All right," says Isabel. She takes out a kazoo. "We found loooove in a hoooopeless plaaay-eeeece..."
"That is the worst thing I've ever heard," says Delia.
"We found sheeps in a goatless place," says Roz, from her seat.
"Hey, that's actually pretty funny. Got any more?" asks Tolkien.
"We found ships in a boatless place," says Roz. "We found gloves in a coatless place."
"XD" says Tolkien.
Ari looks at the two, then shakes her head.
"What's wrong, chick?" asks Anderson. "U jelly of Tolkien and Roz? Forget it, she's out of his league."
"Yeah, I guess..." says Ari.
"You secretly like Tolky, don't you," says Anderson. "I knew it. Anderson Dotcubed for the win, again. Dude, we've only been here for like twenty minutes."
"Well, uh, I like a lot of guys. I mean, I think a lot of guys are cute, I mean... Whatever..." says Ari.
"Heh, heh, heh," says Anderson.
"Anderson, come on... You have no right to spread rumors about me unless I explicitly say 'I, Ari, like Tolkien,'" says Ari.
"You just did," says Anderson.
"That's not what I mean..." says Ari.
"So, Kai, what's your favorite magic trick thingy you've ever done?" says Vivienne.
"Well, I like the... I don't know, they're all great," says Kai.
"Something wrong, sweetie?" asks Vivienne.
Kai says in the confessional, "Yes, there is something wrong. Vivienne is the most annoying person in the world. I don't want to say that I don't like her, but..."
"No, there's not, I'm just feeling tired. Why don't you go talk to someone else, and let me sleep," says Kai.
"Okay," says Vivienne. She disappears in a puff of smoke, and Thomas replaces her.
"I have honestly no idea what just happened," says Thomas.
The plane then begins to sputter, and an alarm goes off.
"Oh, crap," says Anderson.
"Oh, that doesn't matter," says Vivienne.
She disappears. Then, a hole is made in the ceiling somehow, and she pops out. "Hellooo!"
Chris walks in with a pilot's uniform on.
"Guys, we're experiencing some technical difficulties, so just sit tight and hope you don't die," says Chris.
"I've died five times before, no biggie!" says Roz.
"Somehow I have trouble believing that..." says Tolkien.
The plane then starts to drop, and crashes in the middle of the wilderness.
The contestants, one by one, get out of the plane woozily.
Puck barfs. "What just ha-ha-haaaappened?" he slurs.
"We crashed, guys. Who's ready for a life threatening challenge?" asks Chris.
"Nobody. I think we need time to recover..." says Bennett, whose girls are on top of him.
"So, your first challenge is..." says Chris.
"привет, дети," says a man with a beard, coming up to Chris.
"Dude, is that Japanese?" asks Julian.
"No," says Yuri.
"Just ignore him, he's probably mentally ill," says Thomas.
The man walks away. "That was odd," says Ari.
"First part of the challenge," says Chris, ignoring everyone, "is to pick teams. The team captains are..."
Tolkien looks giddy, Horatio jumps up and down, Layla growls, and Estrella flips off the camera.
"Roz, Puck, and Gail can be the team captains," says Chris.
"Ooh, yay!" says Roz. "Chris, can I pick first?"
"I guess so," says Chris.
Puck opens his mouth to say something, but is shushed by Roz picking.
"Okay. I pick Ari!" says Roz.
"Good choice," giggles Ari, and she walks over to Roz.
"I pick my homie, Wolfie!" says Puck.
Wolfgang stomps over to Puck and farts in his face.
"I can tell you're excited about being on my team, man. I'm with ya," Puck bear hugs Wolfgang.
Wolfgang's face gets red and he blows steam out of his ears.
"I pick that one kid. The top hat dude," says Gail.
Kai walks over to Gail. "You made a good choice," Cards appear from his hand. "Pick a card."
"I'd rather not, I'm wondering the catch," says Gail.
"M'lady, there is no catch," says Kai. Vivienne snorts.
"All right, lemme pick another one. Strelly," says Roz.
"Muh," says Estrella, and walks to Roz and Ari.
"Casey the hottie," says Puck.
"Yuck," says Casey, as she walks over to Puck and Wolfgang.
"Hmmm..." ponders Gail. "Bennett?"
"Good choice, duude. You're really coool, man. You made the right choice. My girls approve. Right, girls?" asks Bennett.
"Yeah, totally, Bennett. We love you," say the girls.
"Is it just me, or are those girls creepy as @#$%?" whispers Kai.
Gail responds, "They're creepy as @#$%."
"Yuri," says Roz. "I'm pickin' a 'dysfunctional' team, as you can see."
"No boys yet? Pick the mighty Julawn," says Yuri.
"That's what I was planning on doing," cackles Roz.
Julian and Shawn shake their heads and whimper.
"We're screwed," says Shawn.
"I know," says Julian.
Puck points to Layla, who walks over to the team. Isabel follows her.
"He didn't pick you, moron," says Layla. "Charles, take her back over to the rejects squad."
Charles is about to pick up Isabel, when Puck says, "No, keep her."
Layla groans, and Isabel jumps up and down happily.
"Uhh... Thomas?" says Gail. Kai nods.
Thomas strolls over to his team, and makes a clicking noise. "Good choice."
"Now I'll pick the mighty Julawn," says Roz.
"Hey, no picking more than one person," protests Chris.
"Puck just did," says Layla, pointing to Puck, who picked Layla and Isabel simultaneously.
"Yeah, all right, whatever," says Chris.
Julian and Shawn walk over to the team. Yuri pops up and squeezes them together awkwardly.
"Neal," says Puck.
"Cool, man," says Neal. "I knew you were cool."
Kai then picks Horatio, who says, "Awesome job, guy."
"Tolkien," says Roz.
"That's not how you pronounce my name. It's 'toe-keen'," whines Tolkien. "Not like 'tolk-ien'."
"Whatever, toe-keen," chuckles Roz. "Your toes are very keen."
"That's not that funny," growls Tolkien.
Ari laughs at him, and Tolkien winks at her, to no avail.
"Ugh," says Puck. He looks at Anderson, Delia, Flora, and Vivienne. "Do I have to choose? None of them are 'cool'."
"Just pick the creepy girl," says Layla.
Delia stomps over to her, stares her in the eye, and joins her team.
Layla says in the confessional, "Which is why I called her the 'creepy girl'."
"Uh, Flora and Vivienne, we'll take both," says Gail. Kai nods.
Flora walks over to her team, and Vivienne stares Kai in the eye.
"Last one picked? Weak, guys. Weak," says Anderson.
Anderson stomps over to Tolkien and Roz's team, then grumbles something extremely rude.
"All right, guys, Roz's team has requested to be named the Total Drama Yum Yum Happy Go Time Candied Fish Tails," says Chris. "Therefore, you are now named the Total Drama Yum Yum Happy Go Time Candied Fish Tails."
"Whoo, I love Total Drama Yum Yum Happy Go Time Candied Fish Tails," says Shawn happily.
"Total Drama Yum Yum Happy Go Time Candied Fish Tails are nasty," yell Estrella and Julian at the same time.
"Great minds think alike," winks Julian. Estrella shakes her head.
"Uh, Puck's team will be called the Mini Dharmas," says Chris.
"What's a dharma?" asks Puck.
"Some Japanese egg thing. The producers thought of the name, I'm not really that smart when it comes to Japanese culture," says Chris.
"Gee, I never would've guessed," says Neal.
"Aaand, the third team will be the Wily Tanukis," says Chris.
"Alright, man, I'm not entirely sure what that means either, but..." says Horatio.
"Don't worry, neither am I!" says Chris.
"Yo, Chris-o, what's our challenge-o?" says Puck.
"You're not cool, Puck. But basically, you have to get in those giant robots over there and fight them," says Chris. He motions to two gigantic robots, one dharma shaped and one tanuki shaped, and also a small plane shaped like a fish tail.
"Why didn't we notice those before?" asks Ari.
"More importantly, why do we just get a wimpy little plane?" says Anderson angrily.
"Calm down, Anderson. I loooove piloting things and making them cra-- making them safe for everyone..." says Roz.
"You are a messed up young lassie," says Estrella.
"Now, this challenge is gonna be short because the author hasn't put up a new chapter in weeks and is lazy," says Chris.
"Um, what?" asks Tolkien.
"Just get in the robots already," says Chris.
Roz gets in the Fish Tails' plane first, and giggles with excitement. She is followed by Ari, Tolkien, Estrella, Julian, Yuri, Shawn, and Anderson.
Thomas, Bennett, Horatio, Flora, Gail, Kai, and Vivienne get in their giant raccoon-shaped robot.
Thomas pops his head out from the top. "This good?"
"Yeah, it's good enough," says Gail.
Vivienne says in the confessional, "I've been getting this weird vibe from Kai... Maybe I should try another boy."
"So, how are ya doin', Bennett?" she asks, leaning in close to Bennett.
"BACK OFF!" yell Bennett's girls, and slap her.
Vivienne says in the confessional, "Horatio or Thomas? Or should I stick to Kai?"
Layla, Isabel, Delia, Casey, Neal, Wolfgang, and Puck get into their robot, too.
"This robot is puny," says Puck.
"You know what else is puny?" asks Neal.
"Can it," says Puck. "You ain't cool."
Then, suddenly, the Tanuki's robot explodes. The Tanukis are sent flying out of the robot.
"Woo-hoo," says Thomas sarcastically.
Chris groans. "CHEF!" Chef comes to him, and Chris whispers something. Chef nods.
After a long pause, Chris says, "Well, since one of the robots is gone, let's send the Tanukis to elimination. We can do this challenge another time," says Chris.
"Whaaaaat?" says Kai.
"Ha!" says Neal.
Chris then motions the contestants to some cabins, which are not that big and are strangely shaped like onions.
"Hey Chris, why is there snow here? It's the summer," says Horatio.
A reindeer then comes up to the Tanukis and snorts.
Gail walks up to the reindeer and pets it, but asks, "And reindeer? I don't think this is Tokyo, or even Japan."
"Just ignore it, the natives are making us feel welcome," says Chris. "I guess."
Later, the Wily Tanukis are in their cabin, playing Truth or Dare.
"Hmm, all right, Horatio, truth or dare," says Kai.
"Dare," says Horatio.
"I dare you to take off your underwear," says Kai.
Horatio reaches into his pants and takes out his underwear with his pants still on. Kai gasps, and Horatio says, "Vivienne, truth or dare."
"Truth," says Vivienne.
"Who is the cutest boy in this room?" asks Horatio.
"Well, Bennett sure is a cutie," Bennett looks worried, "Thomas too," Thomas snorts, "Ooh, Horatio, you're really mysterious and stuff. But I like Kai the most." She hugs Kai.
"..." says Kai.
"Just ask someone else already," says Thomas. "All right, whiny, truth or dare," says Vivienne.
"Truth," says Thomas. "I guess you guys wanna know my secret, right?" he sighs.
"You have a secret? I'd love to hear it," says Flora.
A bunch of random animals sit down by Gail, and take out popcorn. Bennett and his girls sit down, and Vivienne, Kai, and Horatio take out video cameras.
"I'm a Brony," says Thomas.
"What's that?" asks Flora.
"FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUU--" yells Kai.
"Well, we all know who to eliminate tonight," says Vivienne.
"What? Bronies are chill, guys," says Horatio.
"Uh, no they're not, they're for dorks," says Kai. "Magic tricks are where it's at."
"Eh," says Thomas. "I don't care what you guys think. I embrace my brony-ness."
"I like ponies, but not Bronies," says Gail.
Chris then comes in, says nothing, and leaves. He then meets them at the elimination ceremony.
"Blah, blah. It's cold outside. The person who does not receive a piece of sushi will have to take the Insert-Vehicle-Here of Losers," says Chris. "Kai, Horatio, Viv."
Kai, Horatio, and Vivienne get their sushi. Horatio bites into it, and it's hard as a rock. "What gives?" he asks.
"Can you feel the temperature?" says Chris. "Anyways, Gail and Flora are safe, too."
Gail gets her sushi, and Flora just sits there.
"Thomas and Bennett. What can I say? Thomas, you're a Brony. And Bennett, you're weird. Final sushi goes to..."
"Thomas. See ya, Ben."
"Aww, come on, dude. You guys are lame. Come on, girls, let's scoot," says Bennett.
"First, you gotta push back your hair. Let's see your eyes," says Chris.
Bennett reluctantly pulls back his hair, revealing the bushiest eyebrows ever and tiny dotted eyes.
"You look like an idiot," says Kai.
"How do those girls like you now?" asks Thomas.
"We love him no matter what," scold the girls.
"Okay, Bennett, time to go now," says Chris.
Bennett and his girls start to leave, but Chris then says, "Not so fast. Girls, you stay here, you can be the newest victims, I mean, interns."
Bennett passes out. The girls turn into dust, and Chris picks up the unconscious Bennett, putting him in the Insert-Vehicle-Here, which drives away.
"All right, guys, time to go to bed. I still don't know why it's so cold," says Chris.
The strange foreign man from earlier suddenly walks up to them.
"Hey, mister, do you have a TV we could use? We wanna check the weather for tomorrow, and--" says Chris.
"In Soviet Russia... You don't watch TV. TV watch you," says the man.