Cerealistic/transcript

Previous Episode: Beauty and the Stakes
Next Episode: The Sea Urchin
== Transcript ==
Episode Aired: May 12, 2001
Episode Copyrighted: 2000
This episode is rated TV-Y7.
Lincoln Loud: Junk. Junk. Jury duty. Junk. Spa invite for mom, keep that. Free sample of dish soap. Catalog. Winning coupon to star in a cereal commercial...wait what? Winning coupon?
TV Announcer: Congratulations from the general bills cereal company. You have been chosen to star in our newest upcoming commercial. Shooting will begin at studio 3 today. If you succeed, we shall reward you with all the cereal you can eat.
Lincoln Loud: General bills? That’s where they make zombie bran! And all the cereal I can eat? Everyone! sibling meeting! Now!
In Leni’s room, a sibling meeting has started. Everyone sat down as Lincoln showed them the winning letter and coupon.
Lincoln Loud: So basically, I’ve been chosen to star in a commercial!
Heroes: Really?/Wow!/That’s great!/Lucky!
Lincoln Loud: And the best part is that if I do well, I’ll be paid in a lifetime supply of cereal!
Patrick Star: All the cereal we can eat? Breakfast and Saturday morning cartoon binges would be even better now!
Leni Loud: So when does the commercial start?
Lincoln Loud: They’re filming it in the same studio they film the news, so there’s no need to rush. Come on, let’s get down there!
Patrick Star: For the cereal!
After getting for the commercial, Lincoln heads to the local tv studio, a setting for the commercial was all set up. It appeared to be a graveyard setting, meaning this commercial was about "Zombie Bran." The director was going around barking orders.
Director: Straighten those tombstones! Make sure the cereal and breakfast display is sorted out! We go on in one hour and everything needs to be perfect!
Stage Glove: Geez, you sound like my mom, except you’re not always always telling me to clean up my room.
That’s when the heroes come in.
Lincoln Loud: Uh excuse me? I’m here for the commercial, I got the winning coupon.
Director: Huh? Oh yeah, the coupon. Well welcome aboard then. As you can see, we’re shooting for a new and improved Zombie Bran.
Lincoln Loud: New and improved?
Director: Now with fruity puff brain clusters and marshmallow bits. We’ve got an hour before filming, so feel free to read the script while we get you makeup ready. Hey Makeup artist!...
Lincoln just sat and relaxed as he read the script while makeup artists got him all dolled up to look like a zombie. It was impatient, but it would soon be worth it. After a busy day of filming, it was time to shoot the commercial. During shooting, Lincoln did well thanks to his family watching and supporting him offstage. Finally, after a busy day of filming, it was time to air the commercial soon. Lincoln thanked the crew, removed his makeup and returned home. At home, the louds were ready to see the commercial. Finally, it airs. It begins with a dark foggy graveyard. Suddenly, green rotting arms shot out from the ground, zombie kids pulling themselves out and slowly walking down a hill, groaning and moaning.
I/O: What is it that these zombies are after? Is it brains? No, it’s sugary bran.
Then kids reach an abandoned picnic area where a breakfast display was.
I/O: General bills new and improved zombie bran! Sweet pink brain and flakes now with Fruity brain puff clusters, eyeball and bone marshmallow bits. It’s the cereal Everyone’s dying for.
The zombie heroes eat the cereal messily.
Lincoln Loud: Braaaaannn...
I/O: New and improved zombie bran, part of this complete breakfast.
After it ended, the heroes applauded.
SpongeBob SquarePants: That... was... *excited* great!
Squidward Tentacles: Normally I’d be jealous since I thought I would be a better commercial star, but after that one time with Lily, Lola and I doing shoots together, it’s safe to say that you did good.
Lucy Loud: That zombie makeup could’ve used a little more oozing scabs. So when is the endless cereal supply gonna get here?
Then comes the faint sound of Helicopter blades. They get outside to investigate and are surprised to see a helicopter carrying a huge crate! The crate lands, and immediately explodes from the pressure of tons of cereal boxes inside!
Helicopter Pilot: You Lincoln Loud? Consider this your paycheck for the commercial!
Lincoln Loud: Whoa! Cereal gold mine!
Lana Loud: My color-changing spoons and I are ready!
Leni Loud: *holding a large statue of a cartoon king with a marshmallow motif* And we also got a ceramic advertisement statue of one of the general bills mascots, king mallow! I’m gonna take this upstairs, he’s perfect for modeling my new parachute pants.
Everyone was enjoying their lifetime supply of cereal, which was what they had for lunch. The kids spent the whole afternoon watching tv eating SpongeBob SquarePants Cereal, Oatmeal, Corn Flakes, Corn Pops, Obscure Shapes, Mrs. Puff's Cereal and Marshmallow Bits swimming in cold creamy milk. In fact, they were so lost in the taste of sugary cereal that they didn’t notice that it was an hour until dinner! They had also eaten so much that they felt groggy. You see, even the lards have their limits when it comes to eating in one sitting in a period of a few hours.
Lynn Loud Sr.: Kids, a reminder that dinner is...huh? Wow, you must’ve eaten enough to get a lot of box tops for a new game system or something!
Lincoln Loud: I guess we got a little carried away.
Lola Loud: Ugh, I think I got marshmallow bits stuck in my teeth...
Lynn Loud Sr.: Oh geez, maybe you should take it easy on the cereal, even if it is a lifetime supply. *gives them chewy medicine tablets* This should help soothe you until dinner.
All: Thanks dad.
They felt better by the time Dinner was ready, but there was still the problem with storing all this excess cereal. Most of it was stored in the basement, in the pantry, in the garage, in Lisa’s bunker, even under their beds. This was way too much cereal. Hopefully the town storage facility can help store the rest, but they were booked up today so they’ll have to wait in the morning. Speaking of which, very early the next morning, Lincoln woke up before anyone else. Like all kids, he wanted to start his day with a cartoon marathon and plenty of cereal to eat. But while he made his way to the kitchen, Leni came out lugging the king mallow statue.
Leni Loud: Don’t you worry your majesty, early sunrise is the perfect for my blog’s photo shoot! Now just gotta get you down and... *my fingers slip* Oops!
The statue slides down the stairs and launches halfway, right as Lincoln came in unaware of the impending danger!
Leni Loud: LINCOLN, LOOK OUT!!!
Lincoln Loud: Huh?
BAM! He got clonked in the head. Everything went black. We hear faint voices.
Leni Loud: I hope he’s ok, he’s been out for an hour.
Squidward Tentacles: *angrily* You'll pay for this, Leni!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward, it was an accident.
Squidward Tentacles: I don't care.
In his POV, Lincoln sees his family all looking down and worried. They heard what happened and took him back to his room to watch over him. Luckily he suffered no serious damage from the blow, but one big bandaged bump on his noggin.
Lisa Loud: He's coming. Get him some water.
Luan Loud: On it! *squirts his face with my gag flower*
Lisa Loud: Not like that!
Lynn Loud Jr.: I got it! *tosses a glass of water at Lincoln*
Lisa Loud: *sighs*
Mr. Krabs: That’s enough, you’re getting him wet. *to Lincoln* How do you feel, Mr. Lincoln?
Lincoln Loud: By Zombie Bran, that was a rude awakening! Fetch me a towelette at once!
Lynn Loud Jr.: I don’t think he’s fully awake yet. Should we keep soaking him?
Lucy Loud: Uh, are you alright Lincoln?
Lincoln Loud: Lincoln? I know not this Lincoln. I am king mallow, ruler of all cereal land!
Lynn Loud Jr.: Right, and I’m brendar the barbarian.
Lincoln Loud: If you are a Barbarian, where is your armor? Still, you may serve as a Great bodyguard. But what’s a ruler without a proper throne room? I shall return, I must make myself a balanced breakfast throne room! *leaves*
Lynn Loud Sr.: Ok...I think he had too much cereal this morning.
Lisa Loud: Actually this is a case of amnesia. Since that statue was the last thing he saw before he got knocked out, he believes he’s king mallow.
Yellow Rectangle: Hey guys.
Lana Loud: Oh, you mean like that one when Luna thought she was a cat after I used my new cat whistle on her.
Luna Loud: I’m still peeved at you for that.
Leni Loud: But what do we do?
Yellow Rectangle: Let's just give Lincoln a few hours, and I’m sure his memory will come back eventually. If not, we’ll call for help.
There was nothing they could do but wait. A couple of hours later, a loud racket woke them up from their now complete sleep schedule.
Lola Loud: What is that racket? You know that if I don’t get my beauty sleep, I get cranky!
Lana Loud: You mean crankier? Oh snap!
Lisa Loud: Who is making all this noise?
Leni Loud: Maybe it’s Christmas!
Squidward Tentacles: Christmas? No, it's not!
Leni Loud: Yes, it is!
Squidward Tentacles: IT'S NOT!
Yellow Rectangle: Calm down, Squidward.
Squidward Tentacles: Do I look calm?!
They both pretend to be asleep. It was coming from downstairs. They investigate and are amazed to see that their living room was transformed into a cereal throne room! Boxes stacked up high like pillars and monuments, framed paintings on the walls, and Lincoln converting the couch into a throne! He also wore a crown, cape and marshmallow scepter.
Lynn Loud Jr.: Uh, what’s going on?
Lincoln Loud: Ah greetings subjects! I see you’ve noticed my new throne room.
Squidward Tentacles: Not exactly my kind of throne room.
Lola Loud: Wait, is that one of my tiaras you’re wearing?
Lucy Loud: How did you build all this so fast?
Lincoln Loud: My furry friends aided me.
The Loud Family pets were now loyal servants to their new king, having set up all the decorations.
Lucy Loud: How did you convince them to do all this?
Lincoln Loud: Easy spooky one, I offered them time to watch their favorite shows.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Ohhhh.
Cut to Charles lying around watching tv.
Luna Loud: It's no use dudes, he thinks he’s still king mallow! We gotta do something!
That’s when
Clyde McBride: *walks in* Hey guys, I thought I’d stop by and...uh, what’s with all this cereal? And why is Lincoln dressed like a king?
Lisa Loud: Long story short, he won a starring role in a commercial, was paid in a lifetime supply of cereal, got hit in the head with a statue and now he thinks he’s king mallow.
Clyde McBride: A case of alternate identity amnesia? Oh man, that’s not good. I did see the commercial yesterday, though, really great acting he did. Still, while this is weird, he doesn’t seem to be doing much harm.
That’s when the Loud Parents and Mr. Krabs come in.
Rita Loud: Lincoln are you...huh? What is all this?
Lynn Loud Sr.: I don’t know, but this is fancy. Lincoln did you do all this?
Lincoln Loud: Do not question the king, peasants!
Yellow Rectangle: Lincoln! Lisa, what’s gotten into him?
Lisa Loud: He thinks he’s still king mallow.
Rita Loud: Well I did promise we would get help. Better call Dr. Doofenshmirtz. Perry's nemesis.
Lincoln Loud: What? Who the heck is Dr. Doofenshmirtz? Send us to a doctor? This is a travesty! You must have raisins in your brains if you think there is something wrong with us! *his scepter slips and hits Rita* oops.
Rita Loud: Ouch! Lincoln Loud! You need to snap out of it, and that doesn’t give you the right to throw things at us! You’re going to see that therapist right now and put an end to this!
Lincoln Loud: Guards!
The pets ambushed the parents, tied them up and dragged them to a cage!
Lynn Loud Sr.: Hey let us out!
Lana Loud: How did he get my moose cage?
Lola Loud: Why do you have a moose cage?
Lana Loud: To catch a moose. What else?
Lincoln Loud: And unless the rest of you want to join them, you’re gonna have to do whatever your king commands you.
Leni Loud: King mallow is usually friendlier like in the commercials.
Clyde McBride: He must’ve watched too much shows before he got that commercial role and it must’ve influenced him.
Patrick Star: That's it, this has gone too far.
Luna Loud: Well, best do what he says, unless we wanna join Mom and Dad in the dungeon. This should also buy us some time to figure out how we can snap Lincoln out of it.
Lana Loud: And get the key to my moose cage. Don’t worry mom and dad, after we get Lincoln back to normal, we’ll free you!
Lynn Loud Sr.: I just hope they know what they’re doing.
First order from the king, make marshmallow cereal bars. They stood at a conveyor belt system in the dining room while Lincoln stood at the end of the line.
Lincoln Loud: We must conserve some of the cereal in bar form, and that’s what we’re gonna do first. Cereal will come your way, pour marshmallow cream into them, mix it up, press it down and wait for it to cook before cutting and wrapping them.
Sandy Cheeks: What's next? Selling them door to door to earn a varmint badge?
Lincoln Loud: Your sarcasm amuses me. Now let’s do this!
Like a factory assembly, they reluctantly got to work making cereal bars. This wasn’t so bad at first, but the conveyor belt changed speed to fast, so fast they couldn’t keep up.
Leni Loud: How did Lucy ball do this?
Lucy Loud: I didn’t do-oh right.
Black Rectangle: Yeah, that 1950s actress with the annoying whine.
They tried to keep up but couldn’t, Eventually everything piled up and they all collapse. The kids groaned as they were covered in a cereal mess.
Lincoln Loud: Looks like you all weren’t ready to handle the speed. No wonder, somebody left the speed on high! Oh well, we’ve got enough anyway. And look, it is almost time for lunch! Let’s clean this up and dine!
Leni Loud: And I thought Ms. Carmichael was bossy.
Cleaning up was easy, and at least lunch was to be better. Or not. The girls and Clyde felt their stomachs flip as the meals in front of them were nothing more than large bowls of, you guessed it, cereal.
Lincoln Loud: And now, let us feast upon the colorful sugary treasures that make general bills the best in the whole kingdom!
Black Rectangle: Uh, I prefer to eat a ton of cereal during a cartoon marathon or to get enough box tops to mail.
Lana Loud: Relax, I’m sure he doesn’t expect us to eat all of this.
So they played along and ate. But Lincoln was relentless if he insisted on making them eat bottomless cereal. everytime they finished a bowl, he told them to refill. They protested but didn’t want to end up in a makeshift dungeon and needed to find a way to snap him out of it, so they kept consuming all this cereal until they started to feel sick.
Lana Loud: Ugh...I think I’m getting sick of cereal today...
Lynn Loud Jr.: Can I at least... get a foot long sandwich to go with this?
Clyde McBride: I never thought I’d say this, but if I eat anymore cereal, I’m gonna hurl.
Luan Loud: This is all a cereal killer to our stomachs! Hahaha...Ugh...
But it was far from over. There was also pampering Lincoln, singing along to cereal jingles in a chorus, giving statistics and inventory checks and even giving him “news” about how there could be enemies in the area. Meanwhile, the parents were trying to find a way to escape from their cage by using a simple paper clip. Still, they had a rough time under the amnesia monarch. We found the girls and Clyde resting on the backyard porch, soothing their aching bellies. They couldn’t take it anymore, they had to stop this breakfast reign before it was too late!
Lucy Loud: All these bars we’re making, forcing us to eat nothing but cereal? Lincoln’s more of a cereal tyrant now.
Lana Loud: Yeah, I can’t believe I missed my usual post lunch snack because of all this cereal.
Lola Loud: I already know how you guys felt when I blackmailed you during the whole tattle tale thing, and it’s all Leni’s fault!
Squidward Tentacles: *angrily* Yeah!
Leni Loud: It was an accident! And if we don’t snap Lincoln out of this he might declare war or something!
Clyde McBride: Declare war? Wait, that’s it! I’ve got an idea! According to the general bills website, king mallow’s enemies are the soggy saps, goons who love to make soggy cereal.
Lana Loud: Yeah, how can they love soggy cereal? That’s gross even for me! But how is that gonna get Lincoln to snap out of it?
Clyde McBride: Here's the plan...
They huddle and whisper. In the house, Lincoln was relaxing in his throne until the door knocks.
Lincoln Loud: Answer that Charles.
Charles: *answers the door*
Charles is surprised to see what looks like an army of living blobs of glue! In reality, it was just the sisters and Clyde in disguise.
Clyde McBride: King mallow we presume?
Lincoln Loud: Can it be? You no good soggy saps!
Clyde McBride: Yes, it is we, the soggy saps! we have come to turn all the cereal in this town soggy and mushy! And when we heard that you had the most cereal around, we’re starting with your stash!
Lincoln Loud: You’ll have to get past me first you mushy madmen! Pet subjects attack!
The pets charge and attack but the soggies fend them off. This went on until the pets got knocked out with a spray of Lisa’s sleeping gas. Lana scoops up the pets and puts them in a cage.
Lana Loud: Sorry guys, but this is for your own good. *puts them in a cage*
The battle raged on. During a weapons clash, Lincoln’s scepter was tossed at the side but penetrated the wall so hard that a stream of cereal was leaking out, but they payed no attention as they tied Lincoln up.
Lincoln Loud: Unhand me! What sort of trap is this?!
Luan Loud: Sorry Lincoln, but this is for your own good.
They remove their costumes.
Luan Loud: Now all we gotta do is snap you out of it!
Clyde McBride: Uh, Guys? I think we have more urgent matters now! Look!
Patrick Star: Clyde, what are you lookin' at?
The scepter was pushed out the hole from force and a wave of cereal started gushing out!
Leni Loud: What is all this stuff?
Yellow Rectangle: It’s the extra cereal I stored since there wasn’t enough room in the pantry. It also reduces the noise. The cookie next door likes to sleep in late.
Squidward Tentacles: No wonder the walls smelled oddly fruity, oaty and chocolatey.
That’s when the parents finally picked the lock from the moose cage, witnessing the flood of cereal.
Mr. Krabs: Huh?
Lynn Loud Sr.: Finally got out-what th-now what’s up?!
Lynn Loud Jr.: Basically Lincoln tried to stuff all this cereal in the walls, and now we’re all gonna be buried!
Lynn Loud Sr: While I am also upset that this is not proper food storage, we can’t stand here! We gotta get outta here!
They wallow through the flooding cereal, but the front door was too well covered and it was hard to reach the knob. They were trapped.
Luna Loud: I can’t find the knob!
Sandy Cheeks: Aw nuts, I can't find it either!
Rita Loud: Everybody upstairs!
But the escalator stairs were jammed and couldn’t work because cereal got into them. It was no use, they could do nothing but stand horrified as the cereal rose higher and higher.
Lana Loud: I got an idea! To the hole!
Lola Loud: What are you doing! *plugs Lola's mouth to the hole*
Lana Loud: Less talking, more eating!
Blue Rectangle: That's not gonna work– Huh?!
Lisa Loud: *stuffs my mouth in*
Any heroes gulp down cereal but inflate into lumpy spheres, holding on to the wall as best as they could until they spew, flying around and deflating. And what about Lincoln? He was trying to bring peace despite the danger around them.
Lincoln Loud: Mellow out my subjects! *gets hit in the head
Lana Loud: *crashes into him*
Lincoln Loud: Where am I? What’s going on?
Yellow Rectangle: Lincoln?
Pink Rectangle: Is he okay?
Clyde McBride: Not exactly what we had in mind, but at least you’re back to normal.
Lincoln Loud: Normal? What are you talking about? And why is there cereal everywhere?
Leni Loud: It all started when you got cast for a commercial and– *muffled as the rising cereal fills my mouth*
Clyde McBride: We can tell you later, right now we gotta get outta here! Problem is we can’t reach the door through this thick flood!
Lincoln Loud: Well, I got us into this mess, so I’m gonna get us out of it! Stand back! *starts eating the cereal and burrows like a gopher*
The cereal was dry and in desperate need of milk, but there was no time for that. Finally he reached the door, opened it and the cereal bursts out, everyone sliding out to safety.
Leni and Lily Loud: Wheeee!
Everyone pops out of the cereal safe and sound.
Lucy Loud: Gasp! It’s official, sugary cereal is the only thing I don't wanna be buried in.
Rita: Is everyone alright?
Lola Loud: *coughs* Fine!
Blue Rectangle: Present!
Leni Loud: We’re okay!
Lynn Sr.'s pants were stuffed and sagging with cereal.
Lynn Loud Sr.: And I thought it was bad to get sand in your shorts.
Mr. Krabs: And where's me money?
Lincoln Loud: Hopefully that’s all the cereal. But that still doesn’t explains...
Clyde McBride: That blow to the head from that statue made you think you were king mallow and you thought our house was your castle, and eventually you misuse your powers and commanded us to do all these ridiculous things so we had no choice but to tie you down and before that you throw your scepter at the wall and let all the cereal you stored in the walls loose.
Lincoln Loud: Really? I caused all that?
Leni Loud: At first since the statue slipped out of my hands, but yeah, you caused all that.
Lincoln Loud: Oh...who knew a day that started out well like this almost ended in tragedy? Well, I’m just glad we’re all safe. I’m sorry that I was such a pushy king, And I promise that the next time I get chosen to be in a commercial, I’ll read it more carefully so I don’t end up with a lifetime supply of anything or statues that would cause amnesia.
Luna Loud: Dudes? It's not over yet.
Red Rectangle: Yeah. It's not over yet.
Luna Loud: What the heck are we gonna do with all this cereal?
The house was filled and overflowed with cereal. Luckily the flooding stopped. There wasn’t any room in the pantry or anything, so how were they gonna take care of this? Simple...break out the spoons and milk.
Yellow Rectangle: Hope you all got spoons and milk, we’re gonna clean this up Hero Lard style!
Despite feeling sick from the sight of all that cereal, they had a job to do. Dumping whole jugs of milk to moisten it up, and retrieving spoons that somehow got carried with the wave of cereal and outside, they got to work and dove into the cereal to eat it up! Shoveling in spoonful after spoonful, they didn’t stop until it was all cleaned up. One afternoon later, all the cereal was gone, leaving 14 very full, very round people lying on the floor, groaning and milk and cereal all over their faces.
Lincoln Loud: Well belch! That’s that.
Lisa Loud: I didn’t think even fatsos like us would finish it, but we did. Ate an entire lifetime supply of cereal in one afternoon.
Lola Loud: Ugh, I ate so much crunchy marshmallows I'm gonna see them in my sleep tonight.
Lana Loud: Don’t mention marshmallows, or sugar Frosted Flakes, or O’s, or whatever.
Lynn Loud Jr.: All agree to lay off the cereal for a while, say aye.
All: Aye!
Sandy Cheeks: Such a shame we didn’t at least find any prizes inside.
Lincoln Loud: *burps and gags*
He coughs out a bunch of plastic cereal box toys.
Lincoln Loud: No wonder some parents label these as choking hazards.
Yellow Rectangle: *chokes* Too much choking!
Screen fades in black and it says "THE END". Episode ends.
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