Leprechauns

== Leprechauns ==
Leprechauns don't fucking exist
Leprechauns are smarter than bears, and smarter than us.
They are part of the angelic kingdom.
All they want is to help us and as such they can't do evil
There was a time in the past when faeries were on the same plane as us, and we got into a war in the iron age or something, and we won, so they went into a different plane.
== Leprechaun experts ==
There are two “basically leprechauns experts”, liars and big fat liars,
They are Christopher Valentine, who didn't respond to e-mails because he is a liar, & Dr. Christian Von Lahr who is a psychic/medium/etc. They are lovers in San Francisco. Dr. Von Lahr is a former NAZI doctor.
These homosexuals claim leprechauns are real. They claim they are nature people, which stem off nature spirits. Leprechauns, gnomes, trolls, etc. all existed before humans. They are elemental beings who helped in development of people and are all descendants of angels.
== Leprechauns and humans ==
We, humans, are taking the homes of the leprechauns by destroying the forests they live in to build our houses. The leprechauns therefore take our keys so that we say “who took these keys?”, which, for some reason, means they get permission to come into our homes. They want to get into our homes so that they can fix our things, including TVs, and heal us and our aura in exchange for us cooking and cleaning for them. They have to be invited in, they cannot just come inside.
Leprechauns also take keys because they like to be mischievous.
People have two leprechauns with us at all times, but we can't see them. This is because they are on the upper-3 sub-planes, which are Etheric sub-planes. They are also made of a substance that is lighter than air, therefore we can't see them, after all, we can't see air, so we can't see leprechauns.
== Leprechaun Ageing ==
The gay NAZI doctor and his lover have books. These books have pictures of children on them. This is because natural spirits perform on a different timeline to us, and therefore age differently. They don't age until they are old, which means for a log time they look like children. Operating on this different timeline also makes them appear to be much faster than humans.
=== NAZIDOC happenings ===
The reason the NAZIdoc knows that leprechauns are real is that he has lots of book. One day, one of his books was missing. He said, “I know I left my book here” three times. Then, the book appeared with golden lights and a shimmering kind of noise. This means leprechauns are real, and not that he was on drugs.
Apparently, the first time the NAZIDOC saw a leprechaun he was in a hot tub thinking that there probably are nature spirits, at which point he saw leprechauns running around and throwing little clothes into the hot tub. This is because they wanting to do laundry/have an orgy. They then climbed into the hot tub, tugged on his little tinker, and then got the swingers party started.
== Why would they lie? ==
It's not as if NAZIDOC and his lover
sell stuff. Like supplements for a healthy weight,
better libido, etc. Or have medium-ship
readings of two hours for $700. Or life readings, which spans all lifetimes and can be done over the phone, by email, or in person, for $5000.
== Changelings ==
Faeries can swap babies for gnomes, leprechauns, etc. They do this because they need human milk for nursing or something.
To get rid of them you can put the baby in an oven and cook it and eat it up in a pie. You can also hold the baby over an open fire on a shovel and try to cook it before just dropping it in the fire. Or, you can put iron scissors in the baby's bed and let it play with them because the war with humans was in the iron age therefore let your small child play with sharp objects. Finally, you can boil egg shells in water because it is weird, this surprises the changeling so they go “Nah mate, I can't deal with this madness”, and they leave.
== Other 'Facts' ==
Leprechauns have smaller beards than gnomes.
If you poke a leprechaun enough it will jump out of a window.
A woman was attacked by a female purple leprechaun or something, and because it was magic it was harder to get rid of them. She was called Shirley. The woman, not the leprechaun. It was because of her past lives or something. Weird....
=== Trap for leprechauns ===
Get a big box
cover it in green, shamrocks, a rainbow
use fake gold (Because real gold is expensive)
use Whiskey, Guinness, etc.
little boxes for stairs
up to the top of the big box,
the top looks solid but it is not
leprechaun stands on top, falls in and gets trapped
Then it doesn't work
Maybe it's the fake gold?
No.
It's just they don't exist
=== Improving the design ===
This can be improved because nature spirits are attracted to different lengths of light.
Earth spirits, gnomes, leprechauns, etc., are attracted to reds and greens. Leprechauns are particularly attracted to green and yellow lights. Air spirits, faeries, like pastels.
If attracting gnomes then use a garden gnome, but not one with made in China on it because they hate China, because they are massive racists, and they think they will be deported there under a Trump presidency. After all, they have no immigration papers, and are stamped as being Chinese. They do like the colour red though, so maybe they would do better in China than they think.
Category:Cryptids