No Hat for Leni/transcript

Previous Episode: BlackJack the Criminal
Next Episode: The Last Guest
== Transcript ==
Episode Aired: July 8, 2006
Episode Copyrighted: 2006
This episode is rated TV-Y7.
The episode begins with Leni sleeping at the Loud House in Lincoln's room. Lincoln is trying to open the door, but Leni is sleeping in the hallway and blocking his door.
Lincoln Loud: *tries to push the door*
He opens the door slightly, looks at Leni.
Lincoln Loud: Leni!
SpongeBob SquarePants and Patrick Star: *goes to Lincoln's room*
Patrick Star: Hey, Leni!
Lincoln Loud: *closes the door*
Leni's head falls down, which makes her wake up.
SpongeBob SquarePants: What are you doing out here, silly?
Leni Loud: I'm waiting for you, so we can play the day away! *grumbles* Dang it! *to SpongeBob* SpongeBob, you're wearing that dumb hat, again! Every time you wear that stupid thing, you're, you're gone for the whole day!
SpongeBob SquarePants: That's because this is my work hat, Leni. I have to wear it when I go to work.
Leni Loud: Why don't you just take it off so you don't have to go to work today?
SpongeBob SquarePants: *chuckles* I'm afraid it doesn't work that way, buddy.
Leni Loud: Ugh! I hate that hat! *throws SpongeBob's hat*
It flies back onto SpongeBob's head.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *laughs*
Leni Loud: Fine, have it your way, hat!
Squidward Tentacles and Lori Loud: *walks out*
Leni Loud: Hmph. Looks like Squidward and Lori have time to play. Hey, Squidward! Hey, Lori!
Squidward Tentacles and Lori Loud: What? *puts on hat*
Leni Loud: Oh no! He's got the hat, too! And Lori!
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Patrick. I'll be back from work at six. We can play then.
Patrick: Well, oh. I'll show you, SpongeBob! I'll get a job and a hat!
Slide transition cuts to the Krusty Krab, where a kid is adding ketchup to his fries.
Mr. Krabs: Whoa, whoa, that's enough, lad! What do ya think, I'm made of ketchup? Now run along, boy. *notices a group of tourists taking photos* Eh? That sounds like... a band of roving tourists! *runs out of the Krusty Krab* Wait, come back! Don't ya wanna give me your money?! Oh, they're a slippery bunch. What do I gotta do to catch 'em, stand around out here all day? *notices Leni* What are you doing there, Leni?
Leni Loud: Standin' around out here all day.
Mr. Krabs: *gets an idea*
A lightbulb floats over his head, and his eyes resemble a dream of tourists taking photos.
Mr. Krabs: How would you like a job, Leni?
Leni Loud: Oh boy, gimme my hat!
Mr. Krabs: You'll get your hat, but first you have to entice people into the restaurant by standin'... *points at Leni* right here and holdin' this sign. *hands Leni an arrow-shaped sign saying "The Krusty Krab"* That's not too tough for ya, is it, girl?
Leni Loud: Sounds complicated, but if it gets me a work hat. *holds up the sign* How's this?
Mr. Krabs: Perfect. You'll be wearin' that hat in no time at all.
Leni Loud: Oh, goody!
Slide transition cuts to inside the Krusty Krab.
Mr. Krabs: Hee hee hee.
SpongeBob SquarePants: What's shakin', Mr. K?
Patrick Star: Yeah, what's shakin'?
Mr. Krabs: Hee hee. *taps on the glass* Your buddy, Leni.
Screen cuts to Leni holding the sign.
Mr. Krabs: I hired her to stand out there and hold that sign.
Lincoln Loud: Oh, she is good.
Mr. Krabs: And look. She's about reel in her first customer.
Harold Reginald: *approaches Leni* Can you direct me to the Krusty Krab please?
Leni Loud: Uhhh... *holds the sign*
It's pointing at the Chum Bucket.
Harold Reginald: *walks into the Chum Bucket*
Mr. Krabs: What does she think she's doing?!
Multiple humans and fishes walk past Leni.
Mr. Krabs: They're walkin' right past her! *runs outside to Leni* Leni, you need to get their attention, girl.
Leni Loud: Okay. *hits a fish in the head with the sign*
Mr. Krabs: That ain't the kind of attention we need! Why don't you show a little razzle-dazzle, maybe give the sign a little twirl or something? *spins the sign*
Suddenly causes it to fly out of Leni's hands.
Mr. Krabs: *hands the sign back to Leni* Just keep workin' on that one, eh, girl? Listen, if any tourists stroll by, why don't you just blow them away with a little extra twirl?
Leni Loud: Anything for my new hat.
Slide transition cuts to the tourists passing by homes.
Leni Loud: *sees them approaching*
She spins the sign very fast. The wind is so intense that a window opens, and a tourist's camera gets blown away.
Mr. Krabs: That's enough, Leni!
Mr. Krabs and the tourists: *gets blown away*
Leni Loud: I did it! Did you see that, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: I saw it.
Leni Loud: Do I get my hat now?
Mr. Krabs: What the heck. It pays to advertise. *gives Leni a Krusty Krab hat*
Leni Loud: My hat... *falls on my face, gets back up, and falls down several times*
Mr. Krabs: Lincoln, what's wrong with her?
Lincoln Loud: What's the matter, Leni?
Leni Loud: I totes dunno. Sometimes, when I'm nervous, I forget how to stand.
SpongeBob SquarePants: She's nervous.
Patrick Star: She seems nervous to us.
Blue Fish: Ha ha ha! Look at that guy! She doesn't know how stand on her own two feet!
Pink Fish: Ha ha! Now that's that kind of mindlessness I'd pay money to see!
Mr. Krabs: *looks at them, then neck stretches out over to them* You mean, cash money?
Pink Fish: Well, heck, yeah!
Mr. Krabs: Five dollars please. All right!
Leni Loud: *falls down on my face again*
Mr. Krabs: There's that sound again!
The tourists: *takes photos of Leni and laugh at her*
Mr. Krabs: They're loving it! Leni, you've captured the attention of all these tourists with your ridiculous flapdoodle!
Leni Loud: I did?
Mr. Krabs: That's right, I think we've finally found a job you're good at. Being an absolute buffoon! *to the tourists* If it's folly you crave, it can be found exclusively at the Krusty Krab! For just five dollars a head.
Slide transition cuts back to the Krusty Krab.
Leni Loud: *falls*
Everybody is laughing and cheering.
Lori Loud: It's literally official.
Everyone is still laughing.
Squid ward Tentacles: I hate everyone.
Leni Loud: *falls into the kitchen*
Squidward Tentacles: You imbeciles think that's entertainment? Well, brace yourselves... *holds my clarinet* for some true entertainment! *plays my clarinet off-key*
Lincoln Loud: Leni.
Leni Loud: Yeah?
Lincoln Loud: Are you okay?
Leni Loud: I'm fine.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Um, Patrick?
Patrick Star: *drools* Uhhh.
Meanwhile.
Squidward Tentacles: *continues to play horrible notes and angers the customers*
Lori Loud: Go Squidward.
Pink fish: Oh, that horrible noise! Let's get out of here!
Fish Customers: *begins to leave*
Squidward Tentacles: *continues to play the clarinet off-key until bumping into Mr. Krabs*
Mr. Krabs: What the barnacles is going on out here?!
Squidward Tentacles: I'm entertaining these heathens.
Mr. Krabs: We've got all the entertainment we need, thank you very much! *points to Leni, but she's not there* Where'd she go?
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star and Lincoln Loud: *guides Leni*
Leni has a tissue in her nose.
Patrick Star: Come on, Leni. Easy now. Right this way.
Mr. Krabs: What in the name of Neptune is going on here?!
Lincoln Loud: Leni had a bloody nose, so we were going to walk her home.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, a bloody nose, eh? You think I was born yesterday? Now get back to work, the all of ya's! I'm not running a happy factory here!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Squidward Tentacles, Patrick Star, Lincoln, Lori and Leni Loud: *gets back into our positions*
Mr. Krabs: *to Leni* Keep up the good work, Leni!
Leni Loud: You got it, Mr. K!
Screen cuts to a time card. 
French Narrator: 7 hours later...
Leni is still falling and three customers are watching as Billy passes by.
Billy the Fish: That guy still flopping?
Fish Customer: Yeah! Amazing, isn't it?
Billy the Fish: Doesn't that get old?
Fish Customer: Ah.
Harold Reginald: She's got a point.
Fish Customer: Yeah, you've seen enough?
Harold Reginald: Well, let's get out of here.
The both customers and Harold drop their drinks and Krabby Patty and walk away.
Billy the Fish: Me, too. I'm out. *drops my tray containing a drink and Krabby Patty*
Everyone's leaving.
Mr. Krabs: What? Wait! Don't go! Why ya leaving?
Harold Reginald: This guy's act is stale! We crave excitement!
Fish Customer: *among the chatters* Yeah, we crave excitement.
Mr. Krabs: Okay, okay! You want excitement? Well, what if I added a box? *puts Leni on a box*
She falls from it.
Mr. Krabs: Huh, huh?
Billy the Fish: Sort of the same, really.
Fish Customer: Yeah.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, okay, uhhh, so what if she flopped from two boxes...? *adds another box*
The customers are still bored.
Mr. Krabs: Ehhh...into a cream pie? *puts cream pie in place*
Patrick Star: I like pie.
Leni Loud: Totes.
Billy the Fish: Say now.
Fish Customer: That, I'd pay to see!
Human and Fish Customers: *becomes excited while waving the cash*
Mr. Krabs: *takes cash from Human and Fish Customers* Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank...
Meanwhile, Leni is attempting to regain her balance.
Mr. Krabs: Okay, boy, let 'er rip!
Leni Loud: *falls headfirst into the pie*
Human and Fish Customers: *cheers*
Mr. Krabs: *to Squidward* I'll be in the back counting me money. If the crowd gets bored, add some more boxes!
Squidward Tentacles: Whatever.
Slide transition cuts to closing time at the Krusty Krab*
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Lincoln and Leni Loud: *walks out*
Patrick Star: Hey, hat lady... How are you feeling after your first day on the job?
Leni Loud: *feels morbidly disheveled* I feel totes like a million bucks... *falls over*
Lincoln Loud: Patrick? Patrick, are you all right? Say something!
Leni Loud: *mumbles incoherently*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Okay, that's it! No best friend of mine is gonna suffer permanent brain trauma just so Mr. Krabs can make a quick buck!
Lincoln Loud: We're gonna go have a talk with him right-
Leni Loud: *grabs SpongeBob, Patrick and Lincoln* Guys, no! P-please, don't tell Mr. Krabs! You don't understand. For years, people have been telling me, "You're no good!" Now I'm good! I have a hat to prove it! I don't wanna go back to being No Hat Leni! *cries*
Patrick Star: Okay, buddy, I understand. Just promise us one thing.
Leni Loud: What's that, guys?
Lincoln Loud: Just be careful.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Try not to get hurt.
Leni Loud: *hugs them* Thanks, guys.
Slide transition cuts to SpongeBob, Patrick and Lincoln walking to work.
Lincoln Loud: We're worried about Leni. I'm not sure her new job is good for her.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star and Lincoln Loud: *enters the Krusty Krab and notices a neon sign displaying "Featuring Leni! Ouch!"*
SpongeBob SquarePants: There, Mr. Krabs is dressed in a suit and speaking through a megaphone
Patrick Star: Yeah.
Mr. Krabs: See the part time minimum wage employee fall from high atop this tower into this bucket of spiny sea urchins!
Sandals the Fish: This should be good.
Lincoln Loud: Leni!
Leni Loud: *being hauled to the top of the platform* Hi, Lincoln!
Lincoln Loud: Mr. Krabs, you can't let her do this, she might get hurt!
Mr. Krabs: Oh-oh-oh. It's okay, boy, she signed a waiver. *shows it to her* Is she ready, Mr. Squidward?
Squidward Tentacles: *pulls the rope attached to Leni* Ready!
Lori Loud: *thumbs up* All set to go, Squidward!
Squidward Tentacles: *thumbs up* Okay!
Mr. Krabs: Okay! *pokes SpongeBob with the cane* Step back, boy, you wouldn’t want to stain your uniform.
Leni Loud: Hey, good idea. Squidward, could you hold my hat so it won't get hurt? *gives hat to Squidward* Thanks, octopus.
Mr. Krabs: Ready, Patrick?
Leni Loud: Ready! *prepares to dive from the platform*
Lincoln Loud: Oh, I can't watch! *cries and blows my nose on Harold's fin*
Harold Reginald: Hey, ew!
Leni Loud: *tries to fall several times, but fails*
Mr. Krabs: Come on, Leni! We've got a perfectly good bucket of spiny sea urchins down here!
Leni Loud: I'm trying! *tries to fall several times, fails again* Argh, I think I'm stuck!
Mr. Krabs: Stuck? Well, if that don't… *mumbles angrily and climbs a ladder to the platform* What's the holdup, Mr. Squidward?
Squidward Tentacles: Don't look at me, I'm just here to hold her hat.
Mr. Krabs: *jumps on the plank*
As it starts to wobble, they're now in balance.
Mr. Krabs: Leni, why have you stopped falling?
Leni Loud: I don't know, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Well, you'd better figure it out! These people paid good money for a floor show full of pain and humiliation! Now make with the codswallop, pal, understand?
Leni Loud: Uh-huh.
Mr. Krabs: Don't make me come back here.
Leni Loud: Hey, Squidward, you think you could, uh, you know... *mimes pushing*
Squidward Tentacles: You want me to push you off your precarious perch into a bucket of spiny sea urchins? Oh, if only you were SpongeBob. Okay, I'll do it! *charges at Leni, but misses and falls*
Leni Loud: Thanks, Squidward!
Squidward Tentacles: *screams*
Leni Loud: Oh, my hat! Gotcha! All right, back where you belong! *grabs the hat, puts it on, falls along with Squidward and screams*
Harold Reginald: Great! We get to see two for the price of one!
Mr. Krabs: I don't think so.
Harold Reginald: *sighs* Fine. *pays Mr. Krabs*
Mr. Krabs: Thank you.
Squidward Tentacles: *screams*
And now he looks at Leni falling.
Leni Loud: Look, Squidward, I'm falling!
Squidward Tentacles: *sarcastically* Oh, I'm so happy for you!
Leni Loud: I totes figured it out! It's the hat that makes me fall. It makes me top heavy!
They crash into the urchin bucket.
SpongeBob SquarePants: So it was your hat that was making you fall the whole time!
Patrick Star: Yeah!
Nat Peterson: I paid to see four guys get maimed!
Harold Reginald: Yeah, I want a refund!
Mr. Krabs: Sorry, absolutely no refunds.
Fish Customers: *grumbles and gangs up on Mr. Krabs*
Mr. Krabs: Hey. Wait. Hold on there, what's the big idea?
Fish Customers: *tears up Mr. Krabs' clothes and money flies in the air*
Mr. Krabs: Whoa! Whoa! Good Gravy! I'm naked!
His head sinks down to the crowd and a cloud of dust covers the screen and the dollar bills fly away.
Mr. Krabs: Grandma, help!
He is in his underwear spinning around on the floor on his back with the ripped up remains of money, unconscious with X's on his eyes. After he stopped spinning he laid there for a few seconds. Then, he said to Leni.
Mr. Krabs: All right, you leave me no choice!
Leni Loud: You're giving me a raise?
Mr. Krabs: Not even close. You're fired. *takes Leni's hat* As long as I'm still standing, you'll never wear this hat again.
Leni Loud: *sobs with my hands and covers my eyes.
Lincoln Loud: Leni, you okay?
Leni Loud: Well, I guess it's back to be a No Hat Leni. *walks out sadly*
Screen cuts to another time card reading "Epilogue".
French Narrator: Epilogue.
Patrick Star: Lincoln, you can have mine. *gives the hat to Lincoln*
Lincoln Loud: Thanks, Patrick.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Okay. See you later, you two.
SpongeBob SquarePants and Patrick Star: *walks to the Loud House*
Lincoln Loud: *walks to the Loud House with Leni* It's okay, Leni. Not everyone is equipped to bear the awesome weight of responsibility that a uniform hat represents. But you can wear mine any time you want.
Leni Loud: Really?
Lincoln Loud: Sure thing, sis. *gives Leni her hat*
Leni Loud: *puts it on and falls over* Thanks, Lincoln! You're the best!
Lincoln Loud: *pats Leni's back* Anytime, sis! Anytime!
Screen fades in black and it says "THE END". Episode ends.
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