Audition Tapes

This page recounts each character's audition tape. 
==Abbey==
Abbey is in her room. There is a picture of her mother next to her. "Hi, I'm Abbey. I want to compete in Total Drama, but if any freaking boys ask me out, I'm quitting." She then looks at her mom's picture and a tear falls down her cheek. She then turns off the camera.
==Anderson==
Anderson is standing outside. "Heh. Well, pick me for Total Drama because I wanna do a better job than my sister, who did a really crappy job. You should consider me because I bring lady viewers with my manly charms. Check it."
A girl walks by, and he smiles at her and waves. The girl walks away disgustedly.
"Uh, yeah, ignore that. Pick me, Total Drama tools," he says, ending the tape.
==Antoine==
Antoine is in a park with Lou. He turns on a boombox. "Now somebody, anybody, everybody, scream!" Lou screams, and they dance for a minute. He then turns off the boombox. "I'm Antoine and those are my moves. And this is Lou." Lou waves. "S'up?" The camera turns off.
==Alex==
Alex is sitting on his couch eating chips. "Uh, hi, I'm Alex," he says groggily. He then falls asleep, and the tape ends.
==Amanda==
Amanda is at her high school, sitting at a lunch table crowded with her "friends." Amanda says, "I'm Amanda. You should pick me for the show because--" She begins to whisper, "Every show needs an antagonist, and I'd be perfect. Hey Bobby!" A boy walks over to her. "I like your hair today! You look cute." The boy walks away. Amanda says evilly, "I actually hate his hair, and he's anything but cute." She then laughs evilly.
==Ari==
Ari is shown in her room. "Hi, my name's Ari. And I want to join Total Drama because... uhhh... well, let me see here..." She pulls out a card from her pocket. "Oh, yeah, I'm nice... And funny, and friendly, and whatnot... This is so awkward. Mom, can you restart the tape...?"
==Artemis==
Artemis is lying down mostly-nude on a giant, plastic seashell in front of a green-screen depicting a zesty, carnal scene. "Hello," she says, staring intently at the camera without blinking. "Want to see more of this? You know where to find me." The green-screen starts playing a video depicting unspeakable things. The tape ends.
==Arthur==
Arthur did not audition for the show, but the producers saw him on Julia's audition (see below) and decided to let him in.
==Bennett==
Bennett is at a cafeteria table, sitting with a dozen girls. "Yoooo, ladies, it's th' Ben-meister. And I think you should consider me because, well, I'm attractive, first of all."
"You got that right, Bennie!" says one of the girls. Three girls then kiss him, leaving kiss marks on his head. "Uh, girls, step away, gimme some breathin' space." The girls walk away.
"So, yeah, pick me." says Bennett. Mitch then walks by, and kicks Bennett in the knee. Bennett makes a clicking noise at him.
==Boris==
Boris is sitting on a beanbag chair in his basement. Behind him is a horrifying scene. The walls are covered top-to-bottom with pictures of scantily clad, grinning anime girls, and a large bookshelf sits in one corner, stuffed with multiple series of manga and more anime girl figures decorating the top. His "bed," a mattress in the other corner of the room, has one single slice of pizza resting on its pillow (which also depicts an anime girl), while numerous empty party-size bags of Doritos and empty gallons of chocolate milk are strewn about the sides of the mattress. The entire floor is decorated with an elaborate card game setup that seems to be collecting dust.
"Salutations," he says. "I am Boris. See, I do not believe a frivolous children's show such as 'Total Drama' has ever included a man as worldly and sharp-witted as I. I would certainly bring a mature charm to your subpar programming, especially if I choose to utilize my immense knowledge of all things anime, manga, and Luncheons & Laggins, and potentially even spread the wealth to the other, far less sophisticated contestants. However, my first priority in auditioning for your show is to find a female to accompany me in life. I know I have not been met with much success in the realm of 'dating,' likely because females do not appreciate nice guys as much as they do Chads, but I will challenge that! Nobody will be able to resist my mature, masculine charm, and if any Chads step in my way⁠—I shall vanquish them!"
==Cammy==
Cammy is in a comic shop with a friend who has gothic clothes and a nose stud. "I'm Cammy. I hope you pick me."
Her friend says, "Here are the reasons you shouldn't pick her. She has bad breath, her hair is always greasy, she's never had a boyfriend, she spends all her time online, she's desperate, and her name is stupid."
Cammy glares at her friend. "Sorry. She's not in the best mood today..." Her friend flips off the camera, rolls her eyes, and walks away.
==Carson==
Carson is in the hallway at school with his friend Connor. Connor says, "Carson wants to be on this show. I think he should. He's totally cool, and watch him. He'll win this thing. Trust me." Connor then leaves, and Carson smiles for the camera. 
==Casey==
Casey is in her room, surrounded by many stuffed animals that are all wearing sports jerseys and Luv Purple.
"Hi. I'm Casey and you should pick me be--" begins Casey.
"Because she's really courteous and nice and she's my BFFFFL," she then says, moving around a stuffed unicorn draped in a "Luv Purple" tanktop to make it look like it's talking.
"And she's also hot," says a stuffed turtle with cool shoes.
"And I used to date her but she dumped me," says a G.I. Jimmy action figure.
"If Chels wasn't in my life, I don't know where I'd be right now," says a teddy bear with splotches of lip gloss around its mouth.
The camera zooms into a goldfish in a tank. "Ughhh, say your line, Swimmy," whispers Casey from behind the camera. The fish does nothing. "You totally ruined it!!!" says Casey angrily. "Take two. GOD."
==Chelsey==
Chelsey is at a table in a school lunchroom, surrounded by a posse of athletic, rich-looking students.
"Hi. I'm Chelsey and you should pick me be—" begins Chelsey.
"Because she's really courteous and nice and she's my BFFFL," says a girl with a "Luv Purple" tanktop and yoga pants.
"And she's also hot," says Manty.
"And I used to date her but she dumped me," says a horse-faced boy with gym clothes and a buzz cut.
"If Chels wasn't in my life, I don't know where I'd be right now," says a short girl wearing heavy amounts of makeup.
"Oh, and her boobs are really big. So pick her," says Manty again. Chelsey groans.
==Chrissy==
Chrissy is shown in a street, next to a motorcycle. "I'm Chrissy," she says. "I'm not exactly the most caring or loving individual, but I can still make this show interesting. Watch this." She gets onto her motorcycle and drives it off of a ramp. "See that?! Expect way more of that," she yells. A dude's voice is heard. "THAT WAS HOT!"
==Christian==
Note: Christian did not audition for the show; he was instead recruited by casting agent Mildred O'Halloran at a grocery store. Below is a written recreation of that encounter.
A red-eyed, weary-looking Christian trudges through a grocery store, cradling about 15 Milky Way bars in his hands. He reaches the checkout counters and gets into line. A few seconds later, a blonde woman approaches him from behind.
"Hello there!" she says. Christian doesn't turn around and keeps staring blankly into space. "Sir?" she continues, before tapping his shoulder.
"Whuh?" he says, turning around. "Ohhh shit. Hello there to you too."
She laughs. "Cool it, kid. I'm old enough to be your mom."
"Wait, for real? Shit, I mean, that's not a deal-breaker for m—"
"Listen up," she says forcefully. "I do recruiting for a little show called Total Drama. Ever heard of it?"
"Maybe. I dunno. Are there any girls on it?"
"Oh, believe me, there are MANY girls on it."
"Aight, sick," he says. "I'm in."
"Wait, seriously? That's it? You don't even want to know what—"
"Did I stutter? I said I'm in. Listen, the C-Man needs to get back out there, so if you say girls, I'm tellin' you, I'm in. Anyway, gotta blast. Hey, don't be a stranger."
He blows a kiss at her before turning back around, walking past the cash register, and heading out of the store without paying for any of the Milky Ways. She stares in awe at the empty doorway, then whips out her phone and aggressively dials a certain number...
==Delia==
==Devin==
Devin is hanging out in the street, by some gangstas in the background, who are smoking, swearing, and sagging. He says quietly, "Yo. I'm Devin. See those homies? I'm their tightest friend. I want to win this Schooly thing so I can prove to them that I'm jus' like them! Got it, producers? Word!"
==Dolph==
Dolph is in his room, petting a hamster. "Why, hello. I am Dolph, and I have something to say. Never resort to potty humor as comedy. It is not funny, nor a good role model for the little children."
The hamster bites his arm. "Ow! Anus, what the heck?!" Dolph stares at the camera. "Oh, you're wondering why his name is Anus, when I said I hated potty humor. Well, his name was originally Angus, but I kinda forgot the G eventually... So, yeah. Pick me."
==Donny==
Donny is shown playing the violin in a grassy field. "What's up, dudes?" he says. "I'm just out here, livin' life. You know. Being all calm and whatnot. I used to not be all that calm." A flashback of Donny squeezing an egg out of a chicken and laughing maniacally is then shown. "...But I've grown past that. I'm pretty peaceful now. So pick me." He sets his violin down, lies on the grass, and smiles.
==Elena==
==Elle==
Elle is in her room, which is plastered in pictures of Snooki. A stereo is playing loud rap music. "Hey," she says, "I think you guys should pick me because I'm hot, and I like seducing boys. Ppprrrrr."
Her sister then comes in. "Actually, Elle, that couldn't be farther than the truth, I've never seen you seduce in your life."
"Shut the f**k up, Emily, I try." says Elle angrily. She winks and turns off the camera.
==Emilee==
Emilee's audition tape is nothing out of the ordinary. She says hi, tells the producers that she'd be good for the show, then ends the tape.
==Erica==
Erica is sitting at a blue wire picnic table on a grassy field, right outside what looks like a big college dorm.
"Hi!" she says. "I'm Erica. All my friends say I'd be perfect for your show, and I definitely agree. I have the smarts, the strength, and the social skills to succeed! Check it out."
The video fades out and is replaced by a slideshow of pictures showing Erica and a diverse group of friends doing various things. She continues to talk, now in a voice-over. "This is me and my best friends at the Country Folk Fest last fall! I hate country music, but all my friends love it, so I put on a happy face for this photo! That's the exact kind of strategic move I'll make on Total Drama!"
The next photo is her in a bikini at a large beach, potentially the ocean. "This is me at the Pacific! I'm from California and love to travel!"
The final photo depicts her curled up on the back of a tall, lanky brunette boy, grinning wide while the boy's expression looks rather pained. "This is me and one of my best friends! Oh, by the way, I have a boyfriend... he's not the guy in this picture, but I think this shows how far I'll go to win that million dollars!"
The slideshow ends and the video footage starts back up. "I just love the thrill of the competition. I used to be sort of a mean girl, so I know how to manipulate others. Thankfully, I know it's just a game and I'm not like that in real life! Isn't that just what Total Drama needs?"
==Estrella==
Estrella is shown in her room, which is dark, candlelit, and features many suspicious-looking objects and tall bookcases. "Hi," she says. "My name is Estrella. Interests include never going out of my room. Ever. Though, I'm willing to make an exception for this Total Drama thing. But only because I'm obviously going to win. I... don't really like people, though. At all. They're all annoying nuisances. But, I suppose that's just another reason to pick me, fools." The lights turn dim and eventually black out.
==Flora==
==Frances==
Frances is sitting in a room cluttered with desks, computers, and copies of old newspapers hung up on the walls. "Hi there," she says. "I'm Frances Valdez. I write and edit a nationally-renowned college newspaper. I attached a copy to my application email, just in case you're interested in reading it. I can't imagine why you wouldn't be—this is hard-hitting journalism. If I make it onto the next season of Total Drama, I promise a similar level of investigative reporting. And I mean, come on. Everyone who joins this show is in some way unhinged, evil, or generally weird. It's a journalist's dream. All I ask is that, for those reasons, you consider me. Thanks."
==Gail==
==Gary==
Gary is in his room, eating a bag of Doritos. "Hi, my name is Gary." he says. "My buddy Frankie told me I should audition for this show, but I don't know. I mean, what if the people don't think I'm funny? Well, I want a girlfriend. All of the girls at my high school are nerds. What? You think I'm nerdy?" He then gets up and shows people his laptop. "This is my laptop, Petey." he says. "He's the dude who teaches me all of my memes. It's over--" The screen goes to static.
==Graham==
A light flickers on, and melancholy piano music begins to play, revealing Graham sitting in a leather armchair at a desk covered with scattered papers and a typewriter. The room behind him is filled with antique furniture, from a coat hanger to a rococo-styled sofa to fancy glass shelves. 
"Hello," he says after a sigh. "I'm not sure why I'm doing this, but here goes. My name is Graham and I'd like to compete on the next season of Total Drama. I've felt woefully lonely as of late, and I find my mind drifting to the darkest places possible. I'm trying to write a book of poetry, but I've been struck with writer's block, and I think the only way to solve that is to go out, make friends, and maybe find a woman to lay all my love on. Please—don't make me stay here, in the depths of despair, for the entire summer." He pulls a lamp cord and the room turns to darkness.
==Gustavo==
Gustavo is on a couch, watching TV. "'Ey. I'm a-Gustavo. I'mma audition fo' this show so I can win. Except I don' take any guff from no one."
Gustavo's mother comes in. "'Ey, Gus, I got your ointment."
"SHUT UP, MA! I ALREADY TOLD YOU, I DON' NEED NO OINTMENT! NOW GO @#$% @#$%&!" he screams.
Gustavo's mom screams, cries, and scoots away.
==Helga==
Helga is in a beanbag chair, reading, when she looks at the camera and says, "Huh? What's a camera doing here?" She then introduces herself and continues reading. Loud noises are coming from the other room. Helga says those are her twin sisters who are having a wild party with boys. She smiles at the camera, goes back to her book, and the camera turns off.
==Horatio==
==Isabel==
==Isabella==
On a sunny day, Isabella, dressed in a jean-jacket, sits on the stoop of an old yet trendy-looking apartment building.
"Hey!" she says, flashing a smile. "Okay, I'll admit I'd never seen an episode of Total Drama until this summer, but I heard it was getting big again, so I just binge-watched every season and it's so fun. I even went on vacation to Muskoka last month! It's soooo gorgeous. So I'd be amazing on the show because I get along, like, really well with everyone, just ask my 11 roommates! We're the greatest girl gang ever. And I—"
Isabella is interrupted by another blonde girl frantically rushing into the frame. "Oh my gosh, Isabella, Lauren's boyfriend just broke up with her and she's in the bathroom crying and—"
Isabella looks deeply uncomfortable. "I'm kinda in the middle of something, I'm soooo soary! Can you go talk to her?"
"Okay, fine." The other girl sprints past her and into the building.
After a short pause, Isabella resumes, "Uh... okay! So, that was pretty weird but I promise I'm gonna KILL it on this show." She takes out her iPhone, strikes a pose in front of her house, then snaps a selfie as the camera turns to static.
==Julia==
Julia is in a park covered with snow, but she is only wearing a short-sleeved shirt. The camera seems to be very shaky. "What's up, Total Drama nerds," she says. "I'm Julia. Y' better pick me unless you want to wake up tomorrow morning underwater. Now, I'm gonna go roll around in th' snow."
She runs around in the snow, and gets very snowy. She then heads back towards the camera, but is hit in the head by a football and faints. Once she regains consciousness, she yells, "@#$% YOU TASIA!!!" The camera drops, and the camera person seems to be making a run for it.
Julia then gets hit by a snowball, and the camera moves to Arthur, who is standing there. He yells, "I'm morbidly obeeeese!" and the tape turns to static.
==Julian==
==Kai==
==Kaitlin==
See here.
==Kavren==
Kavren is on what looks like an elementary school playground's jungle gym. "Bleedle fleedle deedle bloop! Schneedle weedle sneedle soup!" he says. He then pauses. "Um, yeah. I was speaking in this new language I made up called Swaggese. I just said 'I'm Kavren, and I'm the best person you will ever meet'," he says. "I LOVE noodles, too! And girls! Mmm, girls are awesome. And I can also do this!" Kavren does a very disturbing thing with his joints that normal humans should not be able to do. "Pick meeee!"
==Kelsey==
Kelsey is sitting on a bench in front of a rocky lakeside, one that looks rather familiar.
"Hey!" she begins. "I'm Kelsey. My school's hosting a competition to win a spot on this show, since I guess you're filming right nearby, and I gotta say... I'm into it. So here I am." She laughs slightly uncomfortably. "First of all, I know this place very well. I know the ins and outs of the college campus, the lake, the shittiest dive bars, everything. I could even tell you the best places to cry. If you're looking for experience in that department, well..." She laughs again. "Anyway, speaking of experience, I have a ton of it. Have I been to China? You bet. Have I interned for a US senator? Absolutely. Have I worked the social game at this Big 10 party school for the past three years, all while keeping up a 4.0? You guessed it—I have. And even if this all makes me sounds super lame, well... I am super lame, but I'm also fun! I promise! You guys are gonna love me. Plus, it'll look amazing on my resume. Okay." She pauses and looks up at whoever's behind the camera. "All good?" The camera nods up and down. "Great. Bye!"
The tape cuts out and makes way for camera static, which soon leads into another, more shaky and sneakily-filmed video.
Kelsey is sitting behind her laptop at a desk in the campus library, her makeup running, her eyes bloodshot and wide. "God, I'm so screwed," she stammers. "Why am I doing this? Why am I still awake? Emma, it's—it's 4 am. I have to go to bed. I know you do too. Did I text Mom?" She starts digging through a backpack hanging on the empty chair next to her and throws out her phone, then checks it. "10 missed calls. Okay, okay, I can't answer those right now. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, you really don't have to see this—wait, I forgot I still have to film that audition thing tomorrow morning, Jesus—I'm so glad you're editing my video, Darb, because otherwise I'd look insane—hold on—Emma, are you filming this? I'm gonna kill you if you—" she gives another shaky laugh, then looks closer. "Wait, you are, aren't you? Holy SHIT—"
She reaches across the table right before the tape cuts out.
==Kim==
==Kingsley==
Kingsley is sitting at a desk in what's presumably his bedroom, with a giant cup of coffee right beside him. Behind him, the walls are decorated with giant posters of female pop stars, as well as a collage of photos of himself.
"Haaaaaaay," he bleats. "It's ya gurl Kingsley, @KingsleyOfficial on IG if anyone wants to hit that follow button, and TODAY.. I will be auditioning for..." he pauses to pull out a crumpled piece of paper from his sweatshirt pocket, then scans the list for a second, "...Total Drama. Mm, okay. I don't really care about this show but I gotta get on TV somehow, and like... mmmm their standards aren't SUPER high. Like, have you seen half the trash-ass losers this show casts? Yeah. It's sad, sis. So, um, just go to my channel and watch my videos if you have any doubt about whether to cast me. I promise it'll be worth your time. Oh, aaaaaand don't forget to like and subscribe!"
==Kurt==
Kurt is throwing a ball around on a soccer field. He says, "Pick me, and I'll make your competition EXTREME!" A ball then comes flying out of nowhere and hits him on the head. Two girls walk by and laugh at him.
==Layla==
Layla is shown by the pool, wearing an expensive-looking swimsuit and surrounded by a massive mansion courtyard. "Hiii!" she says. "My name is Layla, and I can assure you that I'll be the richest, prettiest, and overall best competitor Total Drama has ever seen. I'm also really independent. My parents are never around, so I've learned to fend for myself." As she drinks from her fancy wine glass, she continues to talk, "It's a hard life, but I can totally handle it! And that's why I can handle Total Drama. That's it." She pauses for a few seconds, then yells, "CHARLES! Turn off my camera! NOW!"
An elderly butler rushes up to the camera and presses a button, and the camera turns to static.
==Lizza==
Lizza is in her room, which has many empty pop bottles strewn about the floor. "HIMYNAMEISLIZZA!" she screams. "Andireallywanttobeontotaldrama! Myfavoritecharacterwasizzybecauseshesjustlikeme! Andifiguredeveryseasonshouldhaveahyperperson!"
Lizza's dad comes into the room, with bags under his eyes and nothing but boxers on. "Can you keep it down? I already took my pills five times today."
"SORRYDAD!" screams Lizza. "ILOVEYOU!"
"Whatever." sighs Lizza's dad. He crumples onto the ground, asleep.
==MacKenzie==
MacKenzie is in a hallway at school with a friend.
"Hi, I'm MacKenzie, and I'd like to join your show!" she says.
"Yeah, just because of Mitch, right?" says her friend.
MacKenzie glares at her friend. "Uh, I don't know what she's talking about... Pick me!" The tape then ends.
==Manty==
Manty is in what looks like a school cafeteria. "Sup, dudes?" he says. "I'm Manty. You should pick me for the show because I have cool shoes."
Northworth walks by and says, "Hey, Mant. Nice shoes."
"Yep," says Manty. "Also, I'm smooth with the ladies. Check it." He walks up to an attractive girl and says, "Hey, Sammi. Lookin' nice today."
The girl, who is obviously Sammi, slaps him.
"Oh, you're grumpy today, huh?" asks Manty. "Well, maybe a little of The Mant will cheer you up." He leans in and hugs her, and she kicks him in the crotch. He keels over.
==Mattie==
Mattie is at what looks like her camp. "Hi, I'm Mattie. Better make this quick. Kai and Quinn just finished their lunch. I'm smart, responsible, and a good leader."
"And super-hot," says some kid, coming up to Mattie.
"Charlie, I've told you a billion times, you're eight years younger than me. Not happening," says Mattie.
Two blonde boys come rushing out of the building. "MAAAAATTIE! PLAY WITH US!"
"Oh, dear god," says Mattie, and runs away.
Charlie picks up the camera. "She's so cute when she runs..."
==Meg==
Meg is running laps around her yard. She then stops and jogs in place while looking at the camera. She says in between heavy breathing, "Hi. I'm Meg. I want to audition for this Total Drama School thingy. My athletic abilities will help me wi... Oh man. Cramp! CRAAAAMP!" and starts sprinting inside. 5 minutes later, she comes back out and says, "Yep. That's me. My athletic abilities will help me win. I just hope everyone here is nice. Phew. See ya." and turns off the camera.
==Miles==
The camera static makes way for a lanky, greasy-looking guy, examining the tape from up close. "That should be it," he shrugs, then steps backwards to sit back down on a couch against the wall with two other people. "Where should we start?"
"Okay, so," says one of the others⁠, a guy with long, curly hair and a beard. "Our buddy Miles is having some... rough times, and we want to help, but we've tried everything we can."
"We really have," nods the third person, a tall, busty blonde wearing a garish cheetah-print top. "Well, he did want to hook up with me to 'take his mind off her,' but⁠—"
"God, gross, don't get into that," says the greasy guy. "Back on topic. We're in Miles's band, we've been writin' new material for a while now, but ever since his girlfriend cheated on him he's just been a dang mess."
"And we know it sucks, I mean, we've all been there," says the bearded guy. "But it happened two years ago. Two years! The bastard never comes out of his room except to raid the fridge at 3 am."
"So we heard this Total Drama show was looking for contestants," explains the blonde, "and figured we'd try to get him on. Miles isn't very interesting and he's kind of an asshole, so maybe you shouldn't pick him, but⁠—"
The greasy guy interrupts her again. "But he has to get out of his goddamn room, and we gotta get him either therapy or a new girlfriend or something. Or we're done."
"You betcha," nods the bearded guy. The greasy guy stands up and walks back toward the camera, preparing to shut it off, until all three stop and notice something coming from the second floor⁠—the sound of faint sobbing.
The blonde giggles, "Ah, there he goes again."
==Neal==
==Nic==
"I am Nic," says Nic, in front of a camera. "But truly, I am actually Alejandro Burromuerto in a different, less threatening body. I'm going to..." He rips off his shirt, revealing his skinny chest. "Woo some women! With my buff ab belly, of course. I will also..." He puts his sweatshirt back on. "Vote out the women after wooing them! One by one, they'll all go down. Believe me, I am the most evil being this show has ever seen. Even Alejandro does not compare to me. I have taken all of his traits and perfected them! Just pick me, and I promise a healthy serving of evil."
==Northworth==
Northworth is standing in a school hallway. Manty walks up to him. "Hey bro, whatcha doin'?" asks Manty.
"None of your beeswax, you sugar wombat." says Northworth.
"Hey, you auditioning for Total Drama? I got voted off first of that thing." says Manty sadly.
"I know, Catherine Obvious. I'm gonna win, and pick up some hot chicks. And then, instead of calling me a turd, everyone will call me 'Northworth the Sexy Stud'."
Manty stifles a laugh, and Northworth kicks him in the crotch.
==Octavia==
==Ori==
"Hello. I am Ori S. Gerard. I would like to join your show because I am very kind to others, and I just know that my wonderful social skills will help me win. Ask anyone," says Ori in his room.
"Ori, time for dinner!" says a voice from downstairs. "I made your favorite meal, those dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets!"
"DAD, GO--" begins Ori, and a string of censored expletives floods from his mouth. The tape then ends. 
==PJ==
PJ is in the backyard, on a swingset. "..." she says. She then tries to get up, but can't. "...Darn." She looks at a large bottle of Gator Glue lying by the swingset. "Of course." she says quietly. "It was him."
A kid with similarly-colored hair, probably her brother, runs by naked with a bunch of a girls. "HAHAHA!" he yells. "Sucka!"
"Anderson, you're soooo cute!" yells one of the girls. Anderson farts and runs away faster.
"..." says PJ.
==Puck==
Puck is shown in what looks like the icy north. "Hey, I'm Puck! I'm the coolest dude ever! First of all, I'm super social, and I get along well with others. I'm also a wilderness expert!" He picks up a raw fish, chomps on the head, then spits it out off-screen. "Yeah, I don't usually do that, but that one was... expired. I really hope I can make some really good buddies on this show! I doubt anyone will hate me, or anything, I mean, why would they?" He shrugs. "So, 'water' you waiting for?" He then laughs obnoxiously at his own pun. "Pick me!"
==Rachel==
Rachel is sitting on a garden bench with rows of flowers beside her. "Hello," she greets the camera. "It's so pleasant to be putting myself out there into the world. My name is Rachel, and I'm looking to appear on Total Drama. I think I bring a unique perspective that this show rarely sees... I'm intensely connected to the natural world, and although I know Chris McLean has made some questionable environmental decisions in the past, I know I'd be able to defend my mother Earth. I also need to meet like-minded souls... I just ended a relationship last weekend, and I have to take advantage of the freedom that comes along with that. Pick me, and I promise a soul-enriching experience."
==Rhett==
A camera focuses on an open, grassy field, with a few rows of corn and a barn in the background. Nothing is present in the scene at first, until an aggressive stampeding sound emanates from the right-hand side onto the screen. It's revealed to be Rhett himself, riding a gigantic, not-too-happy-looking bull. Rhett thrashes around on the bull's back, trying to keep his balance and not fall off, until after about 15 seconds, the cow bucks and flings Rhett backwards and into the corn. The cow grunts, then trots off.
There's some rustling in the corn, and a banged-up Rhett finally pops his head out and runs up to the camera. "Howdy!" he says, surprisingly cheerfully considering the incident. "Ain't that funny?! That was me an' m' good buddy Ol' Rough an' Ready! He sure was rough an' ready today!" He whoops and hollers at his own joke. "If yer lookin' fer all sortsa entermatainment, pick me for yer show!"
The stampeding sound returns and makes way for Ol' Rough an' Ready, this time from the left side, who charges in and headbutts Rhett in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him.
==Ricky==
Ricky doesn't have an audition tape, instead it's his parents, because they signed him up. Ricky's mom says, "Hello, Chris McLean. I'd like to have my son Ricky join your show. He needs to learn social skills and he just sits at home the whole day. Thank you." Ricky's mom leaves, and you see Ricky's dad, who is lying on a couch groaning.
==Roald==
Roald, clad in form-fitting workout gear, is standing in an empty garage with Puck, who looks extremely happy to be there.
"YO!" he shouts. "The name's Roald! I'm here with my best c-c-cuz, Puck, who's gonna tell YOU why I should be on Total Drama!"
"Haha, yeah!" Puck says, giving Roald a hearty pat on the back. "So, listen up, Chris. Roald is the 'chillest' guy I know! He's also got wicked-mad athletic skills, and he knows how to have an awesome time! Now, I spent a lotta my time on the show hangin' out with Wolfie and getting distracted by Casey, but Roald is one focused dude! He's not gonna let stuff like that harsh his mellow. He's gonna take this competition to the max!"
"That was an awesome pep talk, b-b-buddy!" sputters Roald, starting to tear up for some reason. "C'mon, man! Bring it in!" He embraces Puck in a gigantic bear hug, and the two hug it out until the camera turns to static.
==Roz==
==Sharissa==
An extremely tall girl is sitting on a couch with a smug-looking bulldog. "Woof." it says. The girl (who is obviously Sharissa) says, "What's up, world? I'm Sharissa." She then cackles. "I think this thingy would be fun. I'll get to meet cool people. Of course, if there are stupid people, I'll beat them up just like I did to that kid in Kindergarten." She then gets out a large garbage bag, grins, and the tape turns to static.
==Shawn==
==Suvir==
The inside of a janitor's closet is shown, with the lights turned off and no apparent sign of life anywhere. There's a rustling in the corner, behind a large trash can, before a voice says, "Psst!" The camera moves closer to reveal Suvir, crouched down behind the trash can and wearing camouflage clothing.
"Okay, I'm auditioning for Total Drama! The name's Suvir!" he whispers. "I'm sneaky, I got great reflexes, and I'm gonna reveal the truth about this world! There's something suspicious about Chris McLean, but I'm not sure what. But that's why I wanna be on your show. He can't be fully human! Okay, now get the hell outta here, I have to hide in here until midnight to see the janitor turn into a werewolf! Go! Shoo!"
The cameraperson quickly backs up and rushes out the door.
==Tasia==
==Thomas==
==Toad==
==Tolkien==
Tolkien is shown in his room, which resembles a typical nerd's lair. "Hi, my name is Tolkien, but you can call me the Luncheon Master," he says. "I like to think I'm pretty good at the card game stuff. After all, I do have a holofoil Black Mage card..." He holds up a rare-looking card. "I think I'd be a pretty swell competitor, since I know tons of battle skills like how to properly wield an electro ball-and-chain! But I mean, I just want to meet some girls who like Luncheons and Laggins as much as I do. At this point, I've kinda just accepted that that'll never happen."
==Trey==
==Trick==
Trick is outside in a skating park, listening to his uPod. He turns it off and winks. He then does a skating flip on one of the structures.
A girl comes up to him. "THAT WAS HOT."
"Er, thanks?" says Trick. "Help me." he mouths.
==Veronica==
==Vincent==
==Vivienne==
==Whitney==
Whitney is standing outside on a winter day, wearing a fuzzy lavender winter coat. "Hi," she says flatly. "I'll make this quick. I auditioned for this show once before, five years ago, but I was rejected in favor of my brother. Well, he ended up winning, and I know you love to cast former contestants' relatives. Besides, I'm hotter, smarter, and more interesting than him, so the decision should be very clear. I expect to hear from you imminently." She yawns and walks out of the frame without even turning off the camera.
==Wolfgang==
Wolfgang is shown in the woods. "Hi," he snorts. "My name is Wolfgang, and I DESPISE EVERYBODY. Seriously, this is the only place where I can get away, besides my basement where I play Planet of Battlecraft 24/7. It helps me take my anger out." He sighs. "I want to get away from this awful town, but I also don't want to run into any imbeciles. I'm sure they'll all be imbeciles, though. At least I have my fashion sense." He strokes his hair. "Pick me. Or else."
==Yuri==