Burning of the Library of Jacksonville

The Burning of the Library of Jacksonville was a massive bookocide event which occurred in the city-state of Jacksonvile Florida in 3 AB. 
== Background ==
Rhonda Mantitt was the 2nd President of Jacksonville Florida, preceded and succeeded by Perry. During his time in office, Rhonda was infamous for his 'Woman Ban' (making females illegal in the country of Jacksonville Florida). Rhonda also introduced 'Don't Say Gay' legislation which was, from an omniversal standpoint, very very stupid. Rhonda served as a Submissive Bottom for Donald J. Trump and ruled Jacksonville with a sweaty, bigoted fist. That is, until his ousting from the position in 2 AB, thanks to a clever plot by Perry and Jezebel the Vortigaunt. 
After being relieved of his post as President, Rhonda cowered in the Hentai Warehouse for several days, before eventually making his way out through a series of complex underpaper tunnels. Upon his escape, Rhonda was very upset about Perry's fucking him over-- and vowed to get revenge, somehow. However, Rhonda knew he could never show his face in public again; not after the embarrassment that he experienced in the Hentai Warehouse. 
So, Rhonda, after rummaging through a pile of unopened boxes in a corner, found a gay hentai blow-up doll. He cut it open and stepped inside, wrapping himself in the tight embrace of a shirtless, ripped 'Joker' from Persona 5. Now, as 'Joker', Rhonda stepped out of the warehouse in this strange and nasty disguise, determined to get revenge on Perry. 
== Sabotage ==
Rhonda hated women, Rhonda hated gay people, but more than anything-- Rhonda hated books. It's unknown why he was so fascinated with gay hentai but nontheless, the schools of Jacksonville Florida were filled with it. Perry, upon entering office, began an immediate removal of all Gay Hentai from Jacksonville Florida schools. When Rhonda heard about this, he became engraged. How dare Perry undo his many (3) years of hard work? 
Perry's administration began shipping books from the Library of Jacksonville in order to restock the shelves of the various Jacksonvillian schools. Rhonda, the cloaked crusader he was, began attacking book shipments in the middle of the night by slashing the tires of the delivery trucks and burning their contents. Rhonda, over several months, developed into a mythical figure in Jacksonvillian mythology- he became known as 'el Devorador de Libros' (The Eater of Books). 
== Quelling Rhonda ==
Perry, after the fifteenth truck was slashed and burned, wrote to Mummy's office in Memphis requesting Superpredator reinforcement. He explained the dire situation, and in return, recieved a packaged envelope with a bloody booger on a tissue inside of it. Perry, frustrated, decided to take matters into his own hands. He personally went up on top of the Library of Jacksonville with a mounted machine gun and sat, waiting, as he watched one of the trucks approaching. It loaded books up, and then was on its way. Sure enough, after several hundred feet, a shadowy figure jumped out from the bushes towards the truck. Perry immediately began firing upon the target, spraying volleys of bullets out into the darkness. Perry hit the truck, and it burst into flame. Perry scrambled down the stairs, cursing himself for his lousy marksmanship. 
Perry was a better shot when he wasn't hyped up on Xen crystals and cocaine. 
== Revenge of Rhonda ==
As Perry approached the inferno that had once been a book truck, he noticed something odd about it. It seemed crumpled-- crumpled like a piece of paper. When he got close enough, he saw that it was in fact made of carboard and wood- a decoy. "Fuck!" Perry exclaimed, but he was too late. A forcefield suddenly encased him; an eerie blue light that Perry instantly recognized as Combine Tech. Perry huddled in fear in the center of the orb, weaponless, defenseless. A shadowy figure emerged from the burning truck- a scorched, singed blow-up sex doll of Joker from Persona 5. 
"You will pay for your betrayal, Perry." Joker muttered. Perry stared at the charred sex doll and immediately burst out laughing. This infuriated the disguised Rhonda, who turned and pivoted towards the building. He ripped the Joker paper off when he was out of Perry's eyesight, and revealed within his coat a detonation device- a simple red button on a short metal rod, Perry, looking from the disguised Rhonda to the Library, realized what Rhonda was about to do, and his eyes grew wide with shock. 
Suddenly, forty thousand balistic warheads struck the Library of Jacksonville, and several seconds later, struck Rhonda, fucking obliterating him. These were sent by Mummy, and although the thought was kind, Perry was rather displeased that the largest repository of knowledge west of the Misssissippi was destroyed in the attack. He wouldn't complain, though, because the Overlorddom had a habit of quelling dissenters. 
Apparently, a tissue with a bloody booger was Mummy language for 'No troops, I will nuke him instead'; however, nobody knew this except for Mummy and nobody would ever know that except for Mummy. Mummy would forget about this code two weeks later and, thankfully, never use Booger language again. 
1 librarian died in the explosion. 
Category:Events