Who Shot Suzy Sheep?: Part Two

Who Shit Suzy Sheep?: Part Two is the sixth episode of The SpongeBob and Daddy Pig Show. It was released on February 4, 2022 and was written by thatjess.
==Transcript==
Narrator: Previously on Who Shot Suzy Sheep?... someone shot Suzy Sheep. Daddy Pig was accused of shooting Suzy Sheep. Mummy Sheep was accused of shooting Suzy Sheep. Even I, the beloved Peppa Pig narrator, was accused of shooting sheep! However, no one knows who shot Suzy Sheep, yet that is. So far we only have one clue, and that is from a suspicious black van that drove off from the scene after Suzy Sheep’s tragic death…
[Cut to Daddy Pig, Mummy Sheep, and Detective Potato in Mummy Sheep’s kitchen during the final scenes of the last part.]
Mummy Sheep: Wait a second… give me your phone, Mr. Potato.
Detective Potato: That’s Detec-
Mummy Sheep: Just give me your phone.
Detective Potato: Well alright, there’s no rush! It’s not like anyone’s died or anything!
[Detective Potato passes Mummy Sheep his phone. She scrolls for a few seconds.]
Mummy Sheep: (gasps) I think I know who that black van belongs to!
Detective Potato: So?
[Mummy Sheep puts the phone down.]
Mummy Sheep: …I know who shot Suzy Sheep.
[Fade to black. Part two begins. Cut to Mummy Sheep driving Daddy Pig and Detective Potato down the motorway. The three are in complete silence.]
Daddy Pig: ………………………………………….so, who shot Suzy Sheep then?
Mummy Sheep: Well, I don’t ‘’actually’’ know who shot Suzy Sheep. I just said that for dramatic effect!
Narrator: Mummy Sheep is a fucking liar.
Detective Potato: Aw! All that suspense for nothing!
Mummy Sheep: However, I do know who that van belongs to…
[Pause.]
Daddy Pig: …so are you gonna tell us or what?
Mummy Sheep: Oh sorry. The people who shot Suzy Sheep don’t own that car. It’s a rental. And there’s only place to rent cars in this part of town.
[The car parks up at a gas station.]
Narrator: This is Grandad Dog’s Breakdown Service. People come here to fill their cars up with petrol, have their cars mended, or even hire new cars!
[The three hop out of the car and walk towards Grandad Dog fixing someone’s car. He shuts the hood of the car.]
Grandad Dog: There you go, Eugene. Should all be fixed now.
Mr. Krabs: Agagagagagagag! Thanks so much for fixing up my brand new boatmobile!
Grandad Dog: Woof! All in a day’s work innit bruv?
[The two laugh as Mr. Krabs drives off.]
Grandad Dog: Oh! Daddy Pig! Mummy Sheep! Detective Potato! What are you guys doing h-
[Detective Potato hits Grandad Dog in the face.]
Detective Potato: HOW COULD YOU???!!!!
Grandad Dog: Ow! What the bloody hell was that for?
[Detective Potato starts attacking Grandad Dog.]
Narrator: Oh dear. Detective Potato is assaulting Grandad Dog.
Detective Potato: HOW COULD YOU SHOOT SUZY SHEEP?! YOU SICK BASTARD!! DO YOU NOT HAVE A SOUL?? SHE WAS AN ICON SHE WAS, AND YOU JUST HAD TO GO AND SHOOT HE-
Mummy Sheep: Um… I don’t think Grandad Dog shot Suzy Sheep.
[Pause. Detective Potato stops attacking Grandad Dog.]
Detective Potato: Oh, er… my apologies.
Grandad Dog: Don’t worry, happens all the time. What could I help you guys with?
Daddy Pig: Well… heh, in case you haven’t noticed… we’re here about Suzy Sheep.
Grandad Dog: (takes his hat off and sighs) …what a fine young lass she could have grown up to be. I’m still gutted that she’s no longer with us.
Mummy Sheep: Me too. But we believe we’ve tracked the car of the people who murdered her. And, well… we think it traces back to here.
Grandad Dog: Here? (laughs) I ain’t loaned a vehicle to a murder, bruv! I just offer petrol, vehicle repairs, and rentals at the lowest price in town!
Detective Potato: Which is exactly why they would have hired a car off of you. Now, if you would excuse us, we want some information please. Mummy Sheep? The licence number?
Mummy Sheep: Oh yeah, sorry. (takes her phone out and clears her throat) C-R-0-I E-W-T.
Grandad Dog: Look, I’d love to help but I just can’t give out confidential information like who’s hired a car off me willy-nilly!
Mummy Sheep: Grandad Dog, my daughter was murdered!
Grandad Dog: Yeah, and?
Detective Potato: (sighs) Mr. Dog, I am a licensed private detective. If you don’t comply with our requests I could arrest you right here on the spot.
Grandad Dog: Meh, I’ll just get my son to bail me out! He’s a sailor y’know, you have no idea how much buried treasure he’s found!
Mummy Sheep: Well then… I guess you wouldn’t these leaking on the internet, hmmm? (shows Grandad Dog pictures of his nudes on his phone)
Grandad Dog: (turns red) HOW DID YOU FIND THEM?
Mummy Sheep: (putting her phone away) I work on OnlyFans, I need to stay on top of people leaking my shit. It’s not my fault if I find some extra stuff. Now… do you know who would have been in possession of this vehicle on November 17, 2021 at 9:15 am?
[Pause.]
Grandad Dog: Okay, I’m sorry. I will see if I have it on file somewhere.
Daddy Pig: Thank you Grandad Dog.
[Cut to Grandad Dog leading the three behind the counter of the gas station convenience store.]
Grandad Dog: Woof! I’m, heh, I’m not really the best with computers but I will try my best.
[Grandad Dog does a few searches on his computer.]
Grandad Dog: Alright… this vehicle was rented out on November 14th 2021… and returned on November 19th. Which means on November 17th it would have been in the possession of… a Miss Mobo.
Daddy Pig: Miss Mobo?
Grandad Dog: Miss Coseama Mobo, to be exact.
Daddy Pig: Who’s Miss Coseama Mobo?
Narrator: Miss Coseama Mobo, more commonly known under her username “Cosmobo”, is a former user on the SpongeBob Fanon Wiki.
[Pause.]
Detective Potato: Huh.
Mummy Sheep: A former user on what?
Daddy Pig: Are you saying my friend SpongeBob shot Suzy Sheep?
Narrator: This whole “Suzy Sheep is dead” arc is based on an in-joke from the SpongeBob Fanon Wiki Discord server, so it would be inaccurate to the Peppa Pig Roleplay Bible lore to completely ignore this part of the story.
[Pause.]
Daddy Pig: I did not understand a word of that, but okay.
Narrator: Daddy Pig is a bit of an idiot.
Mummy Sheep: So… this “Cosmobo” lass killed my daughter?
Grandad Dog: Well… maybe… but all I can really tell you is that the vehicle outside your house was rented under her name. I wish you good luck on your investigation.
Detective Potato: Thank you so much, Grandad Dog.
Grandad Dog: I would say it’s my pleasure, but considering I didn’t want to help at first that would be blatantly lying. Oh, and you’re gonna need Cosmobo’s address.
[Grandad Dog writes down Cosmobo’s address on a piece of paper and hands it to Mr. Potato. Cut to Mummy Sheep, Mr. Potato and Daddy Pig driving down the motorway again.]
Mummy Sheep: I… I can’t believe it. We’re going to actually find out who shot Suzy Sheep!
Detective Potato: No need to thank me, Mummy Sheep. It’s all in a day’s work for Detective Potato!
[Pause.]
Daddy Pig: You have not helped at all.
Detective Potato: Hey, who’s the detective here?
[Cut to Mummy Sheep pulling the car up outside Cosmobo’s house.]
Mummy Sheep: (sighs) Right… I think… I think the house is here.
Detective Potato: We would have got here so much quicker if Daddy Pig wasn’t holding the map outside down the entire time! (crosses arms)
Daddy Pig: I wondered why all the roads looked different!
Mummy Sheep: Okay… (sighs) let’s… let’s find out who shot Suzy Sheep.
[The three jump out of the car and walk towards Cosmobo’s door.]
Mummy Sheep: I hope this is the right place.
[Mummy Sheep’s hand shakes as she rings the doorbell. A woman with long blonde hair answers.]
Coseama: He- hello?
Detective Potato: Hey… are you Cosmobo?
Coseama: Um… perhaps.
Detective Potato: (shows Coseama his detective badge) The name’s Detective Potato, private detective of Peppa Pig World and Bikini Bottom. You are under arrest on suspicion of murder.
[Pause.]
Coseama: Oh fuck.
[A five year old girl also walks up to the door from the inside.]
SpongeFun: Mummeee, waters murdurrr?
Daddy Pig: Who are you?
SpongeFun: Eye am SpongeFun.
Daddy Pig: Oh okay.
Detective Potato: SpongeFun, you are also under arrest.
Mummy Sheep: Wait, why are you arresting the little kid?
Detective Potato: I dunno, I’m just in a goofy mood.
Mummy Sheep: We are investigating a murder!
Detective Potato: Yeah, and?
[Cut to Cosmobo and SpongeFun sitting in Detective Potato’s interrogation room. Detective Potato, Mummy Sheep and Daddy Pig are on the other end of the table. The lights are dim.]
Detective Potato: (sighs) Alright… Cosmobo, did you shoot Suzy Sheep?
[Pause.]
Coseama: Yes.
Narrator: Detective Potato has found out who shot Suzy Sheep!
[Detective Potato stands up and flips the table over.]
Detective Potato: AHA! A CONFESSION! HA! FUCK YEAH! AFTER ALL THESE YEARS I ACTUALLY SOLVED SOMETHING! HA! MUMMY WOULD BE SO PROUD! TAKE THAT, DAD!! THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LI-
Coseama: But I didn’t want to.
[Pause.]
Detective Potato: wait wut
Coseama: I didn’t want to shoot Suzy Sheep.
[Pause.]
Mummy Sheep: So… you accidentally… very carefully… broke into my daughter’s room… and murdered her?
[Pause.]
Coseama: Well, no, I killed her on purpose-
Detective Potato: SO YOU DID KILL HER!
Coseama: Yes.
[Pause.]
Coseama: But I didn’t want to.
[Pause.]
Daddy Pig: I’m confused.
Mummy Sheep: So am I.
Coseama: (sighs) Okay, I shot Suzy Sheep but I didn’t want to. What do you not understand? I was really low on cash and I didn’t really know what else to do! So I saw an ad on the dark web for a hitman and… well… (angrily) I shot Suzy Sheep, okay?!
[Coseama slams her head on the table in tears.]
Narrator: Oh dear. Cosmobo regrets shooting Suzy Sheep.
Mummy Sheep: Wait wait wait wait wait… you were just the hitman? You mean you didn’t want Suzy Sheep dead? You mean someone else did?
Coseama: (wipes tears) Well… yeah.
SpongeFun: Eye one-durred Y U came back with blud all O-vurr ur hands. Eye thought U just went out 2 get sum milk!
Coseama: I’m sorry, baby, I promise it will never happen again!
SpongeFun: Eye still dont no wat murdurrr meens…
Detective Potato: Right… I’m going to call the authorities to prosecute you properly. Until they get her… I want to know who hired you.
Coseama: I… I can’t say.
Detective Potato: Aw, come on. It would make your case look better in court!
Coseama: I… I know who hired me… I just… I just don’t think I’m allowed to say!
Daddy Pig: What do you mean?
Mummy Sheep: Are you scared of them or something?
Coseama: Well… I guess so.
Detective Potato: Come on. Can’t you at least write it down.
Coseama: Ughhhhhhhhhhhh………………. okay fine.
Detective Potato: (clenches fist) Fuck yeah!
Coseama: But you have to promise not to say it was me who tipped you off.
Detective Potato: Of course… if I remember.
[Pause. Cosmobo scribbles something down on a piece of paper and passes it to Detective Potato.]
Detective Potato: (reading the paper) Oh… my… God.
[Pause.]
Detective Potato: We know who shot Suzy Sheep, for real this time.
SpongeFun: Whose Shoezee Seep?
[To be continued...]
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