Avengers: Infinity War Alternate HISHE

*(Loki is about to hand Tesseract to Thanos)
*Loki: Wait a second inside this is space stone?
*Thanos (uncertainly): yes
*Loki: And with it I can teleport anywhere
*Thanos(very uncertain): yes..
*(Loki breaks Tesseract teleports to Thor and teleports away with him)
*Loki: ... and so he must use space ship to get here and we got enough time to remove Visions stone.
*Superman: It's really weird that you are here﻿
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*Thanos:Loki i will kill you!!
*Loki:Here the tesseract, i would never betray you
*Thor:What??
*Loki:You know i can't be trusted
*Thor:Son of a....
*Loki:Ice Giant!
*Villains:ahahahahaha!
*Loki:did you all think i would join them?!
*Villains:ahahahahahah!﻿
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*Loki: (to Thanos) We have a Hulk...
*(Hulk barges in and grabs Thanos by the leg and starts to smash him back and forth like he did to Loki in the first Avengers film HISHE while saying:)
*Hulk: Puny Thanos! Puny Thanos! Puny Thanos!
*Thanos: (trying to get Hulk to stop by grabbing his arm) STOP you BAFOON.
*Hulk: Hulk no bafoon. You bafoon.
*(Hulk continues to smash Thanos back and forth continually saying:)
*Hulk: Puny Thanos! Puny Thanos! Puny Thanos! Puny Thanos!
*Thanos: WHY!?!
*(Close up on Hulk's raging face)﻿
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*Thanos: You should have gone for the head...
*Thor: NO!!!
*(Thanos is about to snap his fingers and then...)
*Loki: BOOM! (LOKI STABS THANOS IN THE HEAD) HAHA!! I got you!
*Thor: Brother... your.... your ALIVE?
*Loki: Of course I'm alive. I was presumed dead twice already. Did you really think I was afraid to do it a third time.
*Thor: Well... you really looked dead this time. I mean I thought you were dead for sure.
*Loki: Well the answer is no, I'm not dead.
*(Awkward silence)
*Loki: So what do we do with the Infinity Gauntlet.
*Thor: I have an idea.
*(All of the main important super hero characters and Loki suddenly teleport to the Super Cafe to have the normal after movie talk and to give the Infinity Gauntlet to Superman and Batman to deal with it.)
*(Batman brings the Gauntlet to the Batcave and removes all of the infinity stones and hides them away in an area only Batman knows about)
*P.S. I don't know where to fit a "because I'm Batman" line in this so you can figure it out.﻿
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*Bruce: not me not here
*Natasha: what about Stephen strange?
*Cap: oh right he's like a brain surgeon right
*Sam: and most likely a wizard
*Bruce: he's a wizard now but- he's in space
*Wanda: I'll make a portal right now, loki did it in the first movie
*All: yeah yeah let's go
*(Warps there)
*Stephen: what the
*Vision: doctor I need you to remove this Stone from my head. Since it's like your job﻿
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*Ebony Maw: Hear me, and rejoice. you have had the privalage of being saved by the great titan. you may think this is suffering, no. it is salvation. universal scales tipped towards balance because of your sacrifice. smile, for even in death, you have become children of thanos."﻿
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*Star Lord - Groot put your game down I don't wanna have to tell you again
*Groot- I am Groot.
*Captain America - LANGUAGE!!!!!﻿
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*Rocket: "Dude that Stormbreaker is awesome! Can we get weapons like that!?"
*("Thor almost died holding the star open!)
*Thor: What makes you think-"
*Groot: "I am Groot!"
*Rocket: "The handle maker is right! With Stormbreaker, Thor should be able to withstand the star and we could make more Thanos-killing weapons!"
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*Thanos: You should have gone for the head
arrow impales his face
*Hawkeye: What did I miss?﻿
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﻿*Thor: Meet my friend here, Tree.
*Groot: I am Groot.
*Captain America: I am Steve Rogers.
*Yondu: I AM MARY POPPINS!
*Batman: I'm BATMAN!!﻿
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*(Thor stabs Thanos)
*Thor: “I told you you’d pay for that”
*(Thanos laughs)
*Thanos: “You should have aimed for the head”
SNAP
*(Cut to a few days later, everyone is farming the newly created infinite resources)
*(Thanos looks up at everyone else)
*Thanos: “What, you guys didn’t really think I was going to kill half the universe, did you?”
*(Everyone laughs)
Cut to credits﻿
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*Thor: Stab! stabs Thanos in the chest
*Thanos: You should've gone for the head—
*Thor: Oh, okay. takes Stormbreaker out of Thanos's chest and sticks it through his face
*Thanos: Dammit! dies﻿
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*(Thanos Snaps His Fingers While Having All 6 Infinity Stones)
*(Marvel Characters disappear except Batman and Superman(cuz they DC), then Superman realizes he can't rewind the World anymore cuz Thanos got the Time Stone.﻿)
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Batman and Superman notice people turning to dust
Batman starts turning to dust
Superman: noooo Bruce!!
Batman: I don’t ca-
Superman goes to Bruce’s funeral
On the gravestone it says because I’m Batman
Superman is crying
Batman walks up behind him
Batman: hi Clark
Superman: HOW???
Batman: BECAUSE IM BATMAN!!!!!﻿
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*(Batman and Superman sitting in the Super Café)
*Superman: "Shouldn't we be fighting this big purple dude with the glove?"
*Batman: "Nah, the Avengers can deal with him. I'm sure they're doing just fine."
*Superman: "Yeah, you took down Thanos easily, after all." (reference to Villain Pub Boss Battle)
*Batman: "Well you know how I did that."
*Superman: "Yes, I-"
*Batman: "Because I'm Bat-"
*(Batman turns into dust)
*Superman: "Oh really? Now time has to be reversed? Fine, I'll do it myself!"
*(Superman flies around the world and reverses time)
*Batman: "-Man!"﻿
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*Doctor Strange: We’re in the endgame now.
*Mr. Fantastic: Not for long
*Doctor Strange turns around to see the X-men and Fantastic Four
*Wolverine: We even have a portal to Earth
*Tony Stark: Come on Guys lets go
*Meanwhile in Wakanda
*Thor: Bring me Thanos!!
*Iron Man: Avengers Reassemble
*Captain America: Tony?
*Iron Man: Oh hey Steve.
*Thanos arrives
*Thanos: Hey can I get a Mind Stone to go
*Everyone looks at Thanos
*Thanos: Oh shi-
*Captain America: LANGUAGE!!!
*They all fight Thanos﻿
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*Thanos: You should've aimed for the head
*Hawkeye appears out of nowhere and shootes Thanos' head
*Hawkeye: Hey whats up guys?﻿
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We all know what really would have happened if Star-Lord hand't been a dummy:
When the Avengers get the glove off; Thanos says "Oops, I let GO of the Gauntlet!" Spider-Man says "You were too tricky for your own good, Thanos!"
At the end Thanos is arrested by the police.﻿
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*Nebula: You know what I yearn for... REVENGE "Detroit Smashed" Thanos out of existince> {might have spelled it wrong}﻿
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"Fun isn't something one considers when balancing the universe. But this...does put a smile on my face. This puny human is very impressive; he has the power to destroy everything around Him. Unfortunately, he doesn't realizes its potential; all because he was born with that preconception of this "Murphy's Law". I realize that he could become a liability to me, he could ever harm me more than Thor's ax. Yes, I admit that it wounded me; have that ax went to my head, I will be dead already. Better taking no chances with this kid. At least, I'll do a favor to his friends and people, by sparing the disfortunes of that human freak."
"Everything to bring the balance and make a better world."
----
Thor blasted a very powerful lightning strike towards Thanos from his new weapon, Stormbreaker. Preventing him from snapping his fingers he took this opportunity further by using his axe and using it to trike Thanos' heart, killing him.
Or so he thought.
"You should have went for the head." gruffed Thanos.
"Noted." said a mysterious voice.
Before Thanos could snap his fingers and kill every new Marvel character they will carry on the franchise when the original stars' contracts are up, his head was sliced off by a sword. As the body fell down the mysterious figure that killed the Mad Titan sighed and said, "I don't know what took you guys so long to kill him but that was easy."
"Uhhhhh, who are exactly?" asked a confused Thor.
"Oh, I'm Deadpool, as last minute edition from the Disney/Fox deal. Y'know, to goose up the money since I'm pretty much the greatest superhero to ever exist."
No you're not!
"Oh shut up you!" Deadpool yelled at me.
Before our argument could escalate Scarlet Witch was ignoring everything and crying her socks off while holding Vision's colorless body.
"VISION'S DEAD!" she cried. "WHHHHYYYYY?!"
"Oh I'll just take this then." Deadpool said before taking the Infinity Gauntlet from Thanos' dead body.
"I don't think you should be taking that." said Steve Rogers.
"No I can handle it." Deadpool said. "See?"
Deadpool snapped his fingers miraculously bringing Vision back to life.
"Wh-whats going on?" the newly revived Vision said looking around scared.
"YOU'RE BACK!" Wanda cheered happily as she hugged Vision to death.
"Awww!" Black Widow said at the lovely sight.
"Don't you just love a happy ending?" Deadpool asked as everyone arrived at the scene.
"Hey since you go that Infinity Gauntlet thingy doesn't that technically make you a god?" 
Rocket asked raising an eyebrow.
"Little bunny I don't think you should be putting those thoughts in his head." Black Panther said cautiously.
"Don't worry," said Deadpool, "I know the saying 'with great power comes great responsibility.'"
He then snapped his finger several more times bringing Gamora, Loki, Yondu, and even the less cool Quicksilver back from the dead.
As the four try to find out what the hell I'm writing Deadpool said, "Now time for hard work."
He then appeared at a meeting between the Fox heads and Mickey Mouse.
"You motherfuckers think you can count me out of this bidding war with those cocksuckers at Viacom?" Mickey said pissed off.
But before the Fox heads could respond the mouse, Deadpool said, "Time to speed up this headway we're making?"
He then used the Time Stone to speed up the process of the deal.
"Well it was nice negotiating this deal with you fellas." Mickey Mouse said in his usual cheerful tone.
"Do you guys know what this means?" Deadpool asks us readers.
Thanos arrives in Wakanda alone with just the Infinity Gauntlet. But before he could do something awesome Deadpool said.
"What do you think you're doing, buster?"
Thanos' jaw then dropped to the floor as he saw the Avengers reunited with Spider-Man and every other MCU hero counting the Netflix ones too along with the X-Men and a better casted Fantastic Four.
Thanos then got his composure back as he retorted, "Oh, yeah?! I can do you one better!"
He then used his own Infinity gauntlet to bring back every dead MCU villain ever along with the villains like Kane and Fing Fang Foom and other better casted villains like Doctor Doom and Galactus.
"We're going to need a bigger army." Deadpool said as he used his Infinity Gauntlet to bring every used DC hero from a movie to help win the fight.
"Oh great heroes that are unfortunatley raped by studio executives who don't know what the fuck they're doing, will you help us in defeating this CGI purple monster and save the universe?" Deadpool asked in his royal voice.
"But Wonder Woman was a big success!" Superman countered back. "Doesn't that give us a chance into beating you guys."
Deadpool frowned and brought out his phone into news articles reminding them that they're making 80,000 movies no one asked for."
"I see you're point." Superman said dreadfully.
As the DC heroes joined the Marvel heroes both good and evil yelled very loudly as the battle I'm too lazy to write begun with both Deadpool and Thanos smashing their Infinity Gauntlets into each other.
As the battle was done and the good guys won, the Marvel/DC crossover film made 100 billion dollars becoming the highest ever made and will never be topped. Ever. I, Deadpool saved the DC characters by taking control of Disney and using the Infinity Gauntlet to control pretty much everything, now sit on my throne in the middle of space now hold a lightsaber in one hand and a Woody doll in the other now controls the entire universe.
The End
"Wait, wait, wait, that's the ending?" Deadpool asked.
Well... yeah. I wrote this in like 10 minutes. I want to go to the bathroom now.
"Come on, dude. Can at least give me the decency of a true happy ending?" Deadpool frowned.
Like what?
Deadpool then snapped his fingers another time. "There. Just killed Trump."
Uh, pretty sure his supporters will bombard me and keep saying he's the best president ever.
"Ugh, fine." Deadpool sighed before snapping his fingers again. "I killed Logan Paul too. Will this get everyone to shut up?"
Everyone hates that guy so I would say yeah.
And now, the Deadpool with the power of the entire universe sits on his throne with a lightsaber in one hand and a Woody doll in the other has just killed the most hated man in the universe, and made everyone happy.
"You see that's how you make an happy ending." Deadpool said.
The End
"Oh and before you leave just take note that the Trump joke was just a joke and not meant to be taken seriously." Deadpool tells everyone to let them know not to kill me. "The Logan Paul joke on the other hand isn't meant to be taken as a joke and should be taken seriously."
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Hey people! Just finished watching Infinity War for the second time and just thought of how the Avengers could have not been idiots and actually killed Thanos. Hope you enjoy this, since I literally have not planned this at all and wrote it in five minutes.
How Avengers: Infinity War Should Have Ended
Thor flew out of nowhere (no, not Knowhere, nowhere. Confused yet?) and stabbed Thanos in the heart.
Just kidding! Thor (like any rational person would do) cut of Thanos's arm, the one that had the Infinity Gauntlet on it. Thanos stared at his gaping arm-hole in horror. "How dare you?!" He said angrily. "Now I can't do the snap that made hundreds of Marvel fans commit suicide!"
"Yep, well too bad for you!" Thor said, and then stabbed Thanos both in the head, and the heart for good measure, and the Mad Titan was dead.
"Yay!" Everyone cheered, except for Groot, who cheered "I am Groot!", which is Groot for "Yay!" And then all of the enemies died, including the children of Thanos, and no I'm not going to explain why.
Natasha Romanoff and Bruce Banner FINALLY kissed, which made everyone cheer-except for Groot, who said, "I am Groot." Which is Groot for- you know what, I think you get the picture.
Captain Marvel appeared suddenly, because no one can wait until March until she gets her movie. Ant Man and Hawkeye joined the party and got acquainted with everyone. The Wasp came too, even though I know that technically Ant Man and the Wasp didn't come out until after Infinity War, but who cares about pesky timelines?
"Hey!" Black Widow said. "You forgot about our friends in space! Pepper will be so sad when Tony doesn't come home."
"You know, I would be fine without him." Captain America began, but was cut off by a scene switch where we go back to the planet Titan.
"So, we're not dead!" Peter Quill said, admitting the obvious. "That must mean that our friends defeated Thanos. Yay!"
"And aliens didn't have babies in my stomach. Yay!" Peter Parker said, again admitting the obvious. "Sure, kid." Tony said. "But we also need to get off this planet. If we stay here any longer, we'll die. Plus, if I don't come back in under ten minutes, Pepper will kill me. Hey wizard, got any ideas?"
Doctor Strange nodded. A golden spinney portal to Wakanda appeared under them, and they fell through it. "You're back!" Captain America said, and Tony bro hugged him. Apparently, they were friends again. Who would've thought it?
Nebula was sad that she didn't get to kill Thanos, but it's okay, because Thor used the Gauntlet to bring him back to life (in a weakened state, of course) and Nebula and Drax took turns kicking the butt out of him until he died a very painful death.
Thor also used the Gauntlet to bring back all of the heroes who died in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Gamora, Loki, and even unimportant Quicksilver came back from the dead, looking very confused. Wanda was having a very confused amount of emotions at the moment. Vision was dead, but her brother was alive. Should she be happy or sad?
Luckily, Thor took care of that little dilemma by making Vision come back to life too, but without the huge stone in his head, which was probably not very healthy. All of the boyfriend and girlfriend Avengers hugged, which made all of the single Avengers feel very uncomfortable.
Then the Avengers went home to their families, having saved the day again. They'd be able to rest for a whole other month!
And they all lived happily ever after. The End.
Category:Alternate Endings