The Regina Monologues

"The Regina Monologues" is the fourth episode of Season 15 (originally going to be the last episode of Season 14 in production order). It was the first episode in which the entire family went to England, and the first time a sitting head of a government provided his/her own voice as a guest star.
It guest starred Jane Leeves as Edwina; and Tony Blair, Evan Marriott, Sir Ian McKellen and J.K. Rowling as themselves.
==Synopsis==
When Bart finds $1000, Lisa is able to convince him to take the family on a vacation to England instead of spending it on himself. Homer, however, ruins the holiday by crashing his rental British Mini Cooper into the Royal Carriage with the Queen inside. He is put on trial and eventually jailed. Meanwhile, Grandpa attempts to search for his English love interest.
== Plot ==
Mr. Burns withdraws a $1000 bill from an ATM, but he drops it because it is too heavy for him to carry. An updraft carries it away to the Simpsons' house, where Bart and Milhouse are playing a vicious video game (Hockey Dad). It flies straight into Milhouse's hair and Bart removes it and keeps it, claiming that it was a ladybug. Bart wonders what to do with the bill, but Marge tells him and Homer to put up fliers so whoever lost it can reclaim it. Soon, there is a long line of people outside the Simpsons' house, all claiming the bill. No one can describe it correctly and Lisa suggests that they spend the money on Marge, who wants a vacation, but decides against it because Homer always manages to ruin vacations.
The next day, Bart displays the $1000 bill in school for his friends to see. When Milhouse offers him 25 cents to see it again, he gets an idea and sets up a museum in his tree house, naming it "The Museum of Modern Bart". The museum is a resounding success, however, when Mr. Burns comes in and sees the bill, he claims it as his. When asked for proof of ownership, he shows Bart the bills indentation on his chest (when the bill was ejected from the ATM, it hit Burns in the chest, knocking him backwards before it was swept off). Bart is forced to give it back and close his museum, as now that there is no $1000 bill, no one is interested in the museum. Lisa says that they have managed to collect $3000 from the museum. She then reminds Bart that Marge has never had an enjoyable vacation. Bart feels upset, looks at Marge and decides to go on a vacation. Grampa suggests using the money to go to London, where he hopes to meet Edwina once more, a girl he met there during the war.
The family travels to London and are greeted by then-Prime Minister Tony Blair (whom Homer confuses with Mr. Bean). They start seeing the sights, while Grampa stays at the hotel, trying to contact Edwina. Bart and Lisa go on a "sugar trip" after discovering the joys of British chocolate. The family go on to meet J.K. Rowling (who becomes furious when Lisa asks what happens at the end of the Harry Potter series) and Sir Ian McKellen, who garners bad luck when the Simpsons insist on saying "Macbeth" and wishing him good luck, and not break a leg, before a performance, in ignorance of traditional theatrical lore. 
Marge is astonished that Homer is behaving himself. They rent a Mini Cooper and start to drive around London. Unfortunately, they get stuck on a roundabout. After driving in circles for hours, Homer decides to break out of it, plows straight through the gates of Buckingham Palace and slams into Queen Elizabeth II's horse-drawn carriage. Unaware of whom he has just knocked down, he tries to brush the incident under the carpet, but the Scots Guardsmen start beating him with cudgels. Then comes the Changing of the Guard, and the new Scots Guardsmen continue to beat him mercilessly. This apparently continues until they run out of Guards.
Homer is put on trial for causing harm to the Queen as well as wrecking her carriage. He calls the Queen an impostor, since her luggage is inscribed "H.R.H." which he believes is short for "Henrietta R. Hippo". Marge is depressed and wishes she could go to a vacation where neither the entire family goes to jail nor do they go condo crazy. Homer mentions that her being disappointed is punishment enough, and pleads to the judge for sympathy. Unfortunately, he also refers to the bewigged Judge as a "grandmother", causing the incensed jurist to remove his powdered wig and point out that he is, in fact, a man. Homer is then taken away to the Tower of London to await execution, where it is planned for his head to be stuck on a pike, as had been done in the 16th century.
Near the fireplace in his cell, he prays to "the God of England" and displays the frequent mistaken American impression that British people prefer to use the metric system. His family call him from outside and Lisa tells him that he can use a secret tunnel that Sir Walter Raleigh built. For that, he must push a brick in the fireplace, which he manages on his second attempt (his first attempt failing as he forgot to put out the fire ). However, the tunnel leads straight into the Queen's bedroom.
The Queen then whistles for her guards and they rush in. Homer pleads with the monarch to find it in her "jewel encrusted heart" to forgive him. Finally, he is allowed to leave England as long as the Simpsons take Madonna (who had been spending far too much time in England and speaking with a faux-English accent) back to the U.S., which they do inside their luggage. Just as they are about to leave, Edwina shows up and meets Grampa. She introduces them to Abbey, her 58-year-old daughter, who looks and sounds like Homer in drag. Abe cannot bear the thought of having another Homer in his life, so he bolts. However, Homer seems to think that Abbey is quite attractive.
==Behind the Laughter==
=== Production ===
Tony Blair recorded his part for the episode in April 2003; It took eight months of negotiations to convince him to be in the cast, and to use himself as a voice. David Beckham was originally sought to guest star in the episode, but later deemed too unknown in the U.S., and thus not approached. The plot of Homer hitting the Queen's carriage was recycled from a spec script Jean and Reiss wrote for The Golden Girls in which Dorothy Zbornak hit Mother Theresa with her car. This is the final episode written by longtime Simpsons writer John Swartzwelder.
=== Reception ===
IGN.com named the episode the best of the fifteenth season, saying that "It may not be the best episode ever, but hell if it isn't a lot of fun", as well as calling it "extremely funny" and a "high point for the past few seasons."
== Citations ==
fr:Homer rentre dans la reine
pl:The Regina Monologues
pt:Os Monólogos da Rainha
ru:Монологи Регины
Category:12-rated episodes
Category:Episodes
Category:Travel episodes
Category:Homer episodes
Category:Episodes featuring guest stars
Category:England
Category:Grampa Episodes
Category:Episodes on DVD
Category:Episodes with alternate end credits
Category:Written by John Swartzwelder
Category:Directed by Mark Kirkland