SML Movie: Jeffy's Bad Word!/Transcript

[The episode begins when Jeffy hits the diaper 26 times.]
:Mario: Okay Jeffy, I have to run to the store really quick, can I trust you to stay home by yourself?
:Jeffy: By myself?
:Mario: Yes, by yourself. Don't-Don't do anything wrong. Just sit right here for like five minutes and I'll be right back.
:Jeffy: Can I poop in the sink?
:Mario: No!
:Jeffy: Can I poop in the bathtub?
:Mario: No! You know what, Jeffy? Whatever, you have to come with me! Come with me!
:Jeffy: Ok. [At the inside of Mario's car.] Jeffy: Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh!
:Mario: Jeffy, Stop making that noise! I'm trying to drive to the store!
:Jeffy: What's a store?
:Mario: It's a place where you buy stuff, Jeffy.
[Hansel jumps up to Mario's car.]
Mario: OH MY JESUS CHRIST! NOW GET OUT OF THE ROAD, YOU FAGGOT!
:Hansel: Can I get some change, dude?
:Mario: I don't have any change. Just-Just go away. Oh, Jesus Christ. The nerve-er people.
:Jeffy: Faggot.
:Mario: Jeffy, do not say that word!
:Jeffy: Why? Faggot?
:Mario: Because it- No, Jeffy, that's a bad word. I didn't mean to say it, I was just-I was just mad.
:Jeffy: Oh, Faggot.
:Mario: Jeffy, do not say that! Go away!
:Jeffy: Go away, Faggot.
:Mario: No! Shh! I don’t have any change. Go-Go away. Yeah, go away. Oh, Jesus. Just-Don't-Don't say that word, Jeffy.
:Jeffy: All right, Faggot.
:Mario: No, Jeffy, it’s a bad word. Stop it!
:Jeffy: OK, Faggot.
:Mario: Jeffy! OK, Jeffy, we’re at Walmart, so can I trust you to stay in the car and be good?
:Jeffy: No.
:Mario: Way to be honest, Jeffy. Well, okay. We’re going to go in the store for like five minutes. I’m going to grab a few things, okay?
:Jeffy: OK, Faggot.
:Mario: And do not say that word!
:Jeffy: All right, Faggot.
:Mario: Jeffy! OK, Jeffy, I just have to get a few things from the store, okay? So just please be good.
:Jeffy: OK, Faggot.
:Mario: Jeffy, do not say that word, we’re in public. Just stop it. I can’t get a lightbulb. Ok, lightbulbs. I need a white lightbulb. 
:[an tyrone comes up to Mario]
:Tyrone: Excuse me?
:Mario: I’m sorry?
:Tyrone: What’d you just say?
:Mario: I need to get a white lightbulb.
:Tyrone: A white lightbulb? Why it gotta be white, huh?
:Mario: Because it’s soft white, it’s behind you. It’s the white bulb. It’s that one. A white lightbulb.
:Tyrone: Why-Why can’t you just get a black one, huh? A black one won’t do. It won't work for you.
:Mario: I mean, I’m-I’m pretty sure it’s fine, but I just need a white one, so-
:Tyrone: So black ain’t good enough, huh?
:Mario: It is-
:Tyrone: Is that what you’re trying to say or are you just being a racist? That’s what you are. You just another but a racist.
:Mario: W-What? No-I’m sorry, I just need-
:Tyrone: APOLOGIZE RIGHT NOW!! BLACK LIGHTS MATTER!!
:Mario: O-Okay, I’m so sorry.
:Jeffy: Hey, Faggot.
:Mario: Jeffy!
:Tyrone: Excuse me? What’d you just say?
:Mario: I’m s-I’m sorry, that was-that was my son.
:Tyrone: Someone black and our gay!
:Mario: N-No, I never said that-
:Tyrone: You won’t be offensive to me? Wait-So-So, this light. If it was gay, you wouldn’t even be buying it right now! So why are you in the light now?
:Mario: What? No, I’m-I’m not-Nothing gets getting people with black people-
:Tyrone: You know what? Call me out of my name one more time, if you just, “UNH” just say one more thing, I promise.
:Mario: J-Jeffy! Do not say anything else! Do not say that thing! Do not say anything else!
:Jeffy: OK, Faggot.
:Mario: Jeffy!
:Tyrone: WAIT!! YOU CALLED ME A FAGGOT AGAIN?!?!
:Mario: No, no, no! [Tyrone beats up Mario and brutally smashes the light bulb onto Mario's head] [back in Mario’s car] Jeffy! Sit in your seat and put your seatbelt on! Jeffy!
:Jeffy: Faggot.
:Mario: Jeffy, no! You got me beat up at Walmart for saying that word, sit down! I can’t wait till we get home. I might hit you.
:Jeffy: Faggot.
:[back home]
:Mario: OK, Jeffy! You’re going to sit right there and think about what you did!
:Jeffy: What’d I do, Faggot?
:Mario: Jeffy, stop saying that word!
:Jeffy: All right, Faggot.
:Mario: Jeffy, stop it! OK, what am I going to do?
:Jeffy: Faggot.
:Mario: Jeffy!
:Jeffy: Faggot.
:Mario: OK, I’m just going to I’m going to call Rosalina, that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to call Rosalina.
:Jeffy: OK, Faggot.
:Mario: Hello?
:Rosalina: Mario, what’s wrong? You sounded really upset over the phone.
:Mario: Hang a sec. Come inside.
:Rosalina: What’s wrong? Mario, what is wrong?
:Mario: It’s Jeffy!
:Jeffy: What up, Faggot?
:Rosalina: Jeffy! Where did you hear that word?
:Jeffy: Daddy.
:Rosalina: Mario!
:Mario: Baby, let me explain. Okay? Me and Jeffy were on our way to a store. And on the way to the store, a homeless man jumps out in front of my car. And I almost hit him. So I was really mad and I said, “YOU FAGGOT!”. And Jeffy heard me and now he won’t stop saying it.
:Jeffy: Faggot.
:Rosalina: You can’t say those things in front of him. He’s very impressionable. His mind is like a sponge.
:Mario: I-I know.
:Jeffy: Faggot.
:Mario: Jeffy! Do not say that word!
:Jeffy: What word?
:Mario: Faggot!
:Rosalina: Mario!
:Mario: What? Jeffy!
:Jeffy: Faggot.
:Rosalina: Don't say that word anymore.
:Jeffy: What word?
:Rosalina: Faggot!
:Mario: Hey!
:Rosalina: Oh, sorry.
:Jeffy: Faggot.
:Mario: Jeffy, I’m-If you keep saying that word, I’m going to give you a spanking.
:Rosalina: Mario, you wouldn’t!
:Mario: I-I-I...
:Jeffy: A spanking? What’s a spanking?
:Mario: A spanking is where I hit you in the butt with my hand.
:Jeffy: In my butt?
:Rosalina: In the butt?
:Mario: What?
:Rosalina: You said, “in the butt” with your hand.
:Mario: What? Y-Yeah, but-
:Jeffy: You’re going to put your hands in my butt, Faggot.
:Mario: What-N-What? No!
:Rosalina: Is pretty gay, Mario.
:Mario: NOW, JEFFY, THAT’S IT! NO! NO! I WILL SPANK YOU ON THE BUTT WITH MY HAND IF YOU SAY FAGGOT ONE MORE TIME!
:Jeffy: Then do it, Faggot.
:Mario: THAT’S IT!
:[all overlapping]
:[Mario spanks Jeffy several times with Jeffy hollering over being "raped"]
:Rosalina: Mario, stop it! Mario!
:Mario: You made me do this! You made me do this!
:Rosalina: Mario, stop it!
:[after Mario stopped spanking Jeffy, Rosalina's crying]
:Mario: I think I dealt with that situation very maturely.
:Rosalina: You didn’t have to be that hard on him, Mario.
:Mario: What are you talking about?
:Rosalina: You beat him!
:Mario: Beat him? No! I smacked him on the butt five times! Six times at most!
:Rosalina: Five times too many, you… Child Beater!
:Mario: He's a retard!
:Rosalina: That’s it! I’m going to go look for him!
:Mario: Fine! He had a diaper on it like cushion the boat-Whatever, whatever.
:Rosalina: Jeffy! Jeffy! JEFFY!
:Jeffy: Uh.
:Rosalina: Oh, there he is. Jeffy.
:Jeffy: Uh, uh.
:Rosalina: How are you doing?
:Jeffy: Uh.
:Rosalina: You okay, sweetie?
:Jeffy: Uh, uh. UHHHHHHHH! Uh.
:Rosalina: How are you doing, Jeffy?
:Jeffy: My butt hurts, Mommy.
:Rosalina: I'm sorry. I know.
:Jeffy: Daddy raped me.
:Rosalina: No, no, Jeffy. He-
:Jeffy: Yeah, he did.
:Rosalina: He just spanked you. He was very upset.
:Jeffy: No, he stuck his fingers in my butt, and twirled them around and then sniffed them.
:Rosalina: No, Jeffy, that didn’t happen.
:Jeffy: Uh. Yeah, it did, Mommy. Faggot.
:Rosalina: Yes! Yes, he is!
:Jeffy: Daddy, you’re a Faggot!
:Mario: JEFFY!
:Rosalina: Come on, Jeffy, let’s go get ready for bed. All right, Jeffy. Just try to relax now and in the morning you’ll feel better and you’ll forget everything.
:Jeffy: Forget? HOW DO YOU FORGET RAPE?!
:Rosalina: Jeffy, he didn't rape you. He just spanked you, that's all.
:Jeffy: What's the difference?
:Rosalina: Jeffy, just try to relax. Mwah! Love you! Good night.
:Jeffy: [calls 911]
:Officer: 911, what’s your emergency?
:Jeffy: Mr. Police Officer Man, my daddy raped me.
:Officer: W-WHAT?!
:Rosalina: Well, I tucked Jeffy in and he’s going to bed now.
:Mario: You know, all I did was spank him, right?
:Rosalina: I don’t want to have this conversation.
:Mario: I spanked him! All I did was spank him! Every parent spanks their kid when they’re bad. All I did was hit him with my hand. That’s it.
:[knocks on door]
:Rosalina: Oh, goodness.
:Mario: W-What is that?
:Rosalina: Who is that?
:Mario: I don’t know. Hello?
:Officer: Yeah, I got a call here about a rape.
:Mario: What?
:Officer: Yeah, I-I got a call from a child from this apartment that said he was raped.
:Mario: Wha-?
:Officer: Yeah, and I forget my hand. I’m all kinds pissed off so which one of you is it?
:Mario: W-Uh…
:Officer: I’m looking at you, Mr. Mustache. People with mustaches are clearly rapists.
:Mario: Wh-Well, I-Jeffy.
:Rosalina: Oh.
:Mario: Jeffy has a pho-Uh, so, officer I know that, just come inside.
:Officer: I always gonna.
:Mario: Jeffy! Jeffy, get in here right now!
:Jeffy: What up, Faggot? You want to rape me again?
:Rosalina: Jeffy! Don’t say that!
:Mario: Do not say that, Jeffy, there’s a police officer right here.
:Officer: That’s the kid?
:Mario: Uh, yes, officer. This is Jeffy. Now, Jeffy, tell the nice police officer exactly what happened.
:Officer: Yeah, tell me.
:Jeffy: Daddy raped me.
:Officer: Oh, really? I knew it was you, Mr. Mustache.
:Mario: No, no. Officer, I did not rape him. This is exactly what happened. 
:
:Officer: OK.
:Mario: Earlier today, me and Jeffy went on a drive to a store. And a homeless man jumped out in front of my car and I almost hit him.
:Officer: You almost hit someone with your car.
:Mario: I did not hit the person, he jumped out in front of my car-whatever. Anyway, the homeless guy made me mad and I yelled “Faggot” at him. OK. And-Oh, OK. And he kept repeating it. Kept repeating it, and he...
:Jeffy: Faggot. 
:Mario: And he got me beat up in a store, so I gave him a spanking for saying "Faggot" and then now he’s saying that I raped him.
:Officer: OK, so you beat your kid.
:Mario: He’s not my kid.
:Officer: Oh, he’s not your kid. So you beat somebody else's kid.
:Mario: I mean, I’m his guardian. I gave him a spanking! ALL I DID WAS GIVE HIM A SPANKING!
:Officer: Ma'am, is this true?
:Rosalina: [sobbing] Yes, he did hit him on the butt very hard. MULTIPLE TIMES!
:Mario: Oh, come on!
:[all overlapping]
:Jeffy: Have fun in prison. Don’t get raped.
:Rosalina: Child Beater!
:Tyrone: BLACK LIGHTS MATTER! BLACK LIGHTS MATTER! BLACK LIGHTS MATTER!
:Dr. Goodman: Breaking news, m'kay? The mascot for Nintendo, Mario the world renowned video game star for children has been accused of child abuse, rape, and vehicular assault.
:Rosalina: What's up, Child Beater?
:Mario: I'm-I'm out on bail.
:Rosalina: Mmm-hmm.
:Mario: And I'm also a registered sex offender for some reason.
:Rosalina: Hmm.
:Mario: And I'm a felon. 
:Rosalina: Hmm.
:Mario: So I can't vote or own a gun.
:Rosalina: Mmm-hmm.
:Mario: And I also have my driver's license suspended.
:Rosalina: Well, at least you won't be able to run over any more homeless men.
:Mario: I did not hit the homeless guy with my car.
:Rosalina: That's not what the news says!
:Dr. Goodman: And we have an interview with the homeless man he hit with his car. Let's go do that.
:Hansel: Hmm. That car came out of nowhere. And broke my arm. Fractured my skull. Ran me over multiple times. A cheeseburger man trying to run me down.
:Mario: What-Oh, come on! I did not hit him with my car! He's just trying to get a check!
:Rosalina: Oh, whatever!
:Mario: W-W-W-Where’s Jeffy?
:Rosalina: Why? So you can beat him again? Fatty!
:Mario: What?!
:Rosalina: FATTY FAT FAT FAT FAT!
:Mario: Where did that come from?!
:Rosalina: I don't know. I'm just-I'm just really upset, okay? Poor Jeffy.
:Mario: Well, where is Jeffy?
:Rosalina: He's in Los Angeles.
:Mario: Los Angeles? Why?
:Rosalina: Doing an interview.
:Dr. Goodman: Hello, and welcome to the Dr. Goodman show. I'm here with Jeffy who's allegedly beaten and raped by his own father. Jeffy, I know this is difficult to talk about, but in the best way that you can, please describe the situation that happened.
:Jeffy: Well, my daddy, he, uh... He kept putting his hands in my butt over, and over, and over again and I screamed and I cried but he didn't care. He just kept doing it, and doing it. And I cried and I cried and he said, “You’re going to take it!” and he took it. [sobbing]
:Dr. Goodman: My goodness. What a Faggot. Everyone, what a Faggot.
:Mario: WHAT IS GOING ON?! I DID NOT DO ANYTHING! ALL I DID WAS SPANK HIM! ALL I DID WAS SPANK HIM!
:Rosalina: Well, you didn't have to be a Faggot.
:Mario: [screams]
:[the video ends]