The Flintstones/Transcript

Come on, you lazy Cro-Magnon!
Ohh!
Hey! Back to work! You guys had a break two days ago!
Come on, now!
Come on, Sheba!
That's my big girl!
CLIFF VANDERCAVE: Look at those pathetic worms burrowing their lives away. Do you know why I'm up here and they're down there, Miss Stone?
Sharon Stone: Because you lied on your resume?
CLIFF VANDERCAVE: No. Because I have a vision. And right now I have a vision of you and me dripping with coconut oil on a beach in Rocapulco with Mr. Slate's fortune to keep us company.
Sharon Stone: I'm glad we see eye to eye.
CLIFF VANDERCAVE: And somewhere down there is the ignorant stooge who will make all my schemes come true.
FRED FLINTSTONE: Yabba-dabba-doo!
Choir: ♪ Flintstones. Meet the Flintstones. They're a modern Stone Age family. From the town of Bedrock. They're a page right out of history. ♪
[If watching in open matte on the infamous uncropped film scan, the Flintstone home's mailbox zooms out to a much farther distance]
Choir: ♪ Let's ride with the family down the street. Through the courtesy of Fred's two feet. ♪
[If watching in open matte on the infamous uncropped film scan, the drive-in's entrance is zoomed out to a much farther distance.]
Choir: ♪ When you're with the Flintstones. ♪
[If watching in open matte on the infamous uncropped film scan, the drive-in's movie screen is zoomed out to a much farther distance.]
Choir: ♪ Have a yabba-dabba doo time. A dabba-doo time... ♪
Choir and Dino: ♪ We'll have a gay old time. ♪
[If watching in open matte on the infamous uncropped film scan, when the Universal Pictures logo reads "UNIVERSHELL" and script is carved in bones, you can see more of the drive-in's movie screen as it appears further out.]
 The captain has just turned on the seat belt sign...
 signalling our descent into the Bedrock area.
 On your left, you'll be able to see the Grand Canyon in about 15,000,000 years.
 K-A-V-E Radio Bedrock
 The KAVE accu-forecast for tonight calls for light seismic activity...
 and a percent chance of meteor showers.
 Quick traffic update: Due to lava flows, Highway will be closed... forever!
 K-A-V-E Molten Oldie
 Sow belly, pot of beans Tie a rope around your jeans
 Tell your mom not to wait You ain't coming home too late
 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
 Twitch
 There's a town I know where the hipsters go called Bedrock
 Twitch, twitch
 When you get that itch you can do the Twitch
 In Bedrock Twitch, twitch
 'Cause the Twitch is fine Have yourself a time
 - In Bedrock - Drum solo!
 Watch it, will ya? Finally got my hair the way I like it.
 I'm so excited, Fred. l'm gonna be a father.
 It's like a dream come true.
 A son. Someone to carry on the proud name of Rubble.
 - Think I'll be a good daddy? - Well, you're bound to find something you're good at.
 Yeah, sure.. Hey!
 - Uncle! - Heh heh heh.
 You know, Fred, Betty and I really owe it all to you.
 We would've never qualified to adopt had it not been for the money you gave us.
 Remember, Barn, that's between you and me.
 - I'd like to tell the world what a great guy my best buddy is! - No, no, no!
 True, it was a selfless, noble act, if I do say so myself.
 My only reward will be your happiness.
 I don't need to go blabbin' my good deeds all around.
 You're afraid to tell Wilma, aren't you?
 Afraid? Now, let's get this straight, Rubble.
 I don't need permission from my wife to make a decision.
 In my cave, I reign supreme!
 Su-preme!
 - I won't tell her, Fred. - Thanks, pal.
 Hiya, Timmy!
 Here you go! Shoot, shoot, shoot!
 Hey, Charlie!
 - Huh? - Wilma!
 I'm home!
 No, Dino! No, no! No, Dino! Bad boy!
 Bad dog!
 - Good doggie! - Bad Dino breath.
 Fred!
 Do you have to get Dino so wound up when you come home?
 It's not my fault. Maybe he'd calm down if we had him fixed!
 What?
 Here comes the big Daddysaurus!
 How was your day, dear?
 I think my Brontocrane's pregnant again.
 I tell ya,
 you forget to lock her up one Saturday night..
 - Comfortable, Fred? - On my way.
 All I need's a brew and a good scratch. Which one do you want to do first?
 It does my heart good to see you relaxing...
 after a hard day at the quarry.
 I'm telling you, I married the pick of the litter.
 Fred, our garbage disposal has been acting up a lot lately,
 so I decided that it was time to buy a new one.
 But when I went to take money out of our savings account,
 - guess what? - New garbage disposal?
 New garbage disposal? Why throw good money down the drain?
 There's nothing wrong with this one.
 All right, you. Say "ahh".
 Uh-uh.
 Do you have any idea why there's no money in our savings account?
 Aha!
 There's your problem right there.
 All right, you! Spit it out!
 Where's the money, Fred?
 Something happened to it. There, I said it.
 We have scrimped and saved for that money.
 And every time we get ahead, you have to go blow it on some harebrained scheme!
 I gave it to Barney.
 - You what? - I know I should've consulted you,
 but Barney Rubble's my neighbor, my lodge brother...
 and my best friend since the first time I went through the fifth grade!
 Fred Flintstone!
 Wilma, without that money, they wouldn't be allowed to adopt a baby.
 So go ahead, yell, scream, let the fur fly.
 Give the neighbors something to talk about!
 What you have just done for the Rubbles...
 And I adore you for it.
 Mmm.
 I also bought a new bowling ball.
 Wait! Come on, honey!
 - Watch your step. - Sit down.
 All right, all together, folks.
 Betty, sit down and relax.
 Oh, I can't, Wilma. lt just hit me.
 From now on, I'll be spending hours a day...
 attending to the every need of a helpless little boy.
 Then again, maybe it won't be such a big adjustment after all.
 Fred!
 And promise me you won't say anything like you did when you saw my sister's baby.
 The kid had a tail. Was I supposed to pretend I didn't notice?
 Hello, Mommy and Daddy! I have someone who wants to meet you!
 Aah!
 Well, it's not exactly what we pictured, but...
 - we'll love him like he was our own. - No, no, no.
 This little fellow belongs to the Hendersons.
 - So glad you'll be nursing. - Congratulations.
 Mr. and Mrs. Rubble, this is your little boy.
 Barney, isn't he precious?
 - Precious? They'd have been better off with the monkey. - Fred!
 - Does he have a name? - Bamm-Bamm.
 - Is that short for somethin'? - Bamm-Bamm-Bamm.
 You're going to have to take it slowly with this one.
 He doesn't speak yet, and he's a little skittish around humans.
 But then again, I would be too if I had been raised by wild mastodons.
 - Mastodons? - Let's not nitpick. A mammal's a mammal.
 Well, sounds to me like all he needs is a little lovin'.
 Ohh.
 Come here, little guy.
 - Aah! He growled. Yeah. - That's cute.
 It's okay, little guy. I'm your da-da.
 Bamm-Bamm!
 Oh! Barney!
 - Oh, Betty! - Bamm-Bamm! No!
 Bamm-Bamm! Bamm-Bamm, wait!
 Stalactite, stalagmite Hold your baby very tight
 - Come back! - Come here, little guy!
 - Bamm-Bamm! Bamm! Bamm-Bamm! - Ohhh!
 - Rock with the caveman - Bamm-Bamm-Bamm-Bamm-Bamm!
 Roll with the caveman
 Shake to the caveman
 - Break with the caveman - Oof!
 - Make with the caveman Okay, give me a C-A-V-E - Who-o-o-a!
 - M-A-N, Caveman - Whoa!
 What an arm!
 "And Cinderocka married the handsome prince, and..
 and they lived happily ever after".
 Yeah!
 Okay, Brother Flintstone, we need a strike to win.
 Can you do it?
 Is the Earth flat?
 - Come on, Freddie! - Come on, hit it!
 Come on, twinkle toes.
 Fred!
 - Waka-waka-woo! - Waka-waka-woo!
 - Wooga-wooga-wee! - Wooga-wooga-wee!
 Piki-piki-piki! Poki-poki-poki!
 Ahhhhhhhh-oooh!
 Lava juice!
 Hey, can I have everybody's attention, please?
 I would like to propose a toast...
 to not only a great bowler, but a great human being.
 And no offense to you guys.
 "Since I was just a lad of ten, I've had the very bestest friend.
 He may be big, he may be loud,
 so you'll never lose him in a crowd.
 But for my friend the special part...
 is what's behind his ribs.. his heart.
 I owe my son to him, and now...
 I stand before my peers and vow...
 I'll pay him back, someday, somehow".
 The end.
 - That was beautiful, Barn. - I meant every word of it, Fred.
 - Care to join me in a cold one? - Love to.
 It doesn't get any better than this.
 Ohh!
 No.
 Look at him.
 Drunk as a skunkosaurus.
 Aaaah!
 Mother, I can handle this.
 What's that old fossil doing here? Did the tar pits back up again?
 Well, somebody has to be here looking after my daughter and grandchild...
 while you're out carousing with a bunch of Neanderthals.
 Oh, really? Well, for your information,
 the lodge no longer accepts Neanderthals.
 He robs your nest egg to bail out that little troll next door...
 while my daughter has to wash her clothes in the river.
 - I got half a mind.. - Oh, don't flatter yourself.
 That's it! Where's my club, Wilma?
 You just try it, fatso!
 - If you was a man, I'd knock you.. - Enough! Mother! Fred!
 You two should be ashamed of yourselves!
 I've got my hands full just being ashamed of him.
 - You got your hands full when you scratch your neck! - Stop it!
 Both of you!
 Mother, Fred is a loving husband and a good provider.
 Oh, really? What has he ever provided you besides shade?
 Oh, Wilma,
 you could've married Elliot Firestone,
 the man who invented the wheel.
 Instead you picked Fred Flintstone,
 the man who invented the excuse.
 Let me tell you something, Pearl.. I'm not going to be a nobody all my life.
 One of these days, I'm gonna be a somebody, a real somebody!
 We'll live in luxury, and Wilma will have everything she deserves.
 When that day comes, you'll be so busy eatin' crow...
 you'll be passing feathers for a month!
 Oh, you poor, poor dear.
 And when I think of all the sacrifices your father made for you.
 Lambs, oxen,
 your brother Jerry.
 - Well.. - Oh, Wilma.
 Do your mother a favor.
 Just call Elliot Firestone.
 Even if things don't work out,
 he can give you a great deal on some tires.
 - Yes, Mother. - Byesie-bye.
 I'll show her. I'll show everybody.
 I know you will, Fred.
 - Call me fatso. - Let's get some sleep.
 Hey, what's the special?
 This job sucks.
 - What you got today? - Lizard and onions. Want half?
 Sure.
 I hear that eatin' too much red meat is bad for you.
 What a load of bunk.
 My father ate it every day of his life; he lived to the ripe old age of .
 May I have your attention!
 I have a very important announcement to make.
 - You found out why the guys in pit are losing their hair? - Yes!
 And we are currently in the process of refuting the results of that investigation.
 But today I am here...
 to formally announce the creation...
 of Slate and Company's executive placement program.
 Hold your questions, please.
 That's right; this Saturday an aptitude test will be given,
 granting one of you the opportunity...
 to crawl out of the primordial ooze...
 and be somebody..
 A vice president at Slate and Company,
 with an obscene salary and a shiny nameplate.
 Ooh.
 Good luck, and may the best biped win.
 An executive? This is my chance to be somebody.
 Be somebody.
 Whee!
 Higher, Bamm-Bamm, higher!
 Higher! Higher!
 Whee!
 - Wilma. - Hmm?
 - How did you get rid of the ring around the collar? - By washing Fred's neck.
 Hmm. You know, if Fred scores the highest on that test,
 you'll be able to hire someone to do your laundry for you.
 If Fred scores the highest on that test, I'll have to hire someone to revive me.
 Oh, it's true; Fred's no Albert Einstone.
 - But he may surprise you. - Whee!
 Well, maybe.
 - He has been studying day and night. - Whee!
 I know! I've never seen him so excited about something you couldn't spread mayonnaise on.
 Barn, I've been thinking about this executive job.
 It's not me.
 Cooped up inside some swank office all day,
 kissing the big shot's feet.
 Not Fred Flintstone.
 Why, good afternoon, Mr. Vandercave.
 - My, that's a handsome pelt you're wearing today. - Thank you.
 Your attention, please! Please take your seats.
 And... welcome.
 You will have one hour to complete the exam.
 Please carve all answers with a well-sharpened No. chisel.
 On behalf of Slate and Company,
 I want to wish you all the very best of luck.
 Let's begin.
 Eeee!
 Ohh.
 Chisels down.
 Please slide your answer slab...
 into the numbered envelope provided...
 and stack them neatly on my desk.
 Psst! Hey, Fred! How'd you do?
 How'd I do? How'd I do?
 - You want me to take that up for you? - Yeah. Thanks, pal.
 "And I stand before my peers and vow,
 I'll pay him back, someday, somehow".
 Ahh.
 Well, Cliff, the test results are in.
 And our unsuspecting dupe is?
 Believe it or not, the one who scored the highest was Fred Flintstone.
 - That big ape? - No, the big ape got a .
 Flintstone? Oh, this can't be right!
 He must have cheated. He's dense, he's witless..
 He's perfect.
 The results of the exam were very competitive,
 and just because an applicant was not selected...
 is no indication of lack of ability.
 - I am pleased to announce... - I know a kiss-off when I hear one; let's go.
 that the newest member of our executive rank...
 is Mr. Fred Flintstone!
 - Huh? - Barney, quick. What's my name?
 - Fred Flintstone! - Don't toy with me, Barney.
 You did it, Fred! You made it!
 Yabba-dabba-dabba-doo!
 Good morning, Mr. Vice President.
 Good morning, Mrs. Vice President.
 Oh, Dino! Oh, Dino, no!
 Aaah!
 - Hey! - Mmm!
 Atta baby!
 Heh heh heh.
 Ohh.
 Good boy, Dino.
 Well, how do I look?
 Daddy pretty.
 It's perfect!
 Yeah. Snazzy.
 What am I gonna call you now? Boss? Chief?
 No, a simple "Your Highness" will do.
 No, Barn,
 I'm not gonna be one of these guys that makes it and then forgets where he came from.
 The first thing I'm gonna do is get everyone in the quarry some vacation time.
 And maybe a health plan with free foot care.
 I'd settle for them little packets of ketchup for the lunch room.
 - I'm only one man. - Not from the back.
 Hey, hey.
 Well, I guess this is it, Mr. Flintstone.
 Go get 'em, big guy.
 - Hey, Barn. - Yeah, Fred?
 Could you spot me a couple bucks for lunch?
 You're right, Fred.
 Nothing's changed.
 Welcome aboard, Flintstone!
 We're glad you're here. Nice suit!
 You know, Fred, any gravel brain...
 can shovel rock down in the quarry, but up here..
 - Do you know what we do up here? - Me and the guys have always wondered.
 We interface, Flintstone.
 We strategize, analyze,
 conceptualize, prioritize.. 
 When do we eat?
 Fred, until this moment I wasn't sure we'd picked the right man.
 Now I'm certain.
 Fred Flintstone,
 you've arrived.
 - This is my office? - That's right.
 - This is my chair? - Mm-hmm.
 Not to throw too much at you on your first day, but this big thing here is your desk.
 - My desk? - Watch out for your fingers in the drawers.
 Am I interrupting?
 Not at all. Fred, I'd like you to meet your new secretary,
 - Miss Sharon Stone. - My secretary?
 Personal secretary, Mr. Flintstone.
 That is, of course, if you want me.
 Great.
 Well, I'm sure the two of you would like to get...
 better acquainted.
 Mr. Flintstone, I'd like you to know...
 that I enjoy working long hours, late nights,
 even weekends.
 So feel free to use me...
 however you see fit.
 Now, can I get you anything?
 - Coffee? - Sure.
 - How would you like it? - In a cup?
 Bold choice, Mr. Flintstone!
 You'll go far in this company.
 Take a memo. Cliff, let's play golf.
 We can prioritize, conceptualize and, uh... tenderize.
 Executively yours, Fred Fli.. Aaaaah!
 Are there six or seven "Is" in "Fli.. Aaah"?
 - Who said that? - It was I, your dictabird.
 - Dicta-what? - Dictabird. Read my beak.
 "Cliff, let's play golf.
 We can prioritize, conceptualize and, uh, tenderize".
 Wow. Wow!
 Mr. Flintstone, I'd like to warn you that management positions...
 are fraught with peril.
 Whenever you find yourself in a befuddled state, I urge you to avail yourself...
 of my experience and sage advice.
 Oh, really?
 - Listen, birdie, let's get the pecking order straight here. - Hmm.
 I don't need any help from you. I'm Vice President of..
 Of, uh..
 Industrial procurement.
 How about that? Excuse me.
 Hey, guys!
 Guess what I am!
 Vice President of Industrial Procurement!
 Oy! Whew.
 Yeah.
 There. I'm all done with the requisition forms.
 What do you think?
 It's perfect.
 Looks just like the real one.
 Mr. Flintstone, you are about to embezzle a great deal of money.
 Unfortunately, for you, we get to keep it.
 We can have Flintstone sign these right away.
 Not just yet.
 Creatures like this Flintstone are... primitive,
 prone to irrational bouts of integrity.
 We've got to make absolutely certain he'll do whatever we say.
 Fred is the greatest bowler on Earth.
 "Fred is the greatest bowler on Earth".
 Now you talk, and see how much I can remember.
 Workin' hard?
 Okay, Fred, are you ready for your first executive action?
 Whatever you need, consider it done!
 Good! I want you to fire Bernard Rubble.
 Done.. What? Fire Barney? Why?
 Well, for starters, he scored the lowest on the management aptitude test.
 He's an imbecile. The company can't afford to have dead weight like him on the payroll!
 But, Mr. Vandercave, he's got a new kid, a mortgage.
 I'm his best friend. I can't.
 Fred, if you don't fire him,
 I will.
 And then I'll fire you.
 Come on, Fred, usually you're yakkin' my ear off, but today you haven't said two words.
 Something exciting must have happened up there.
 - You don't want to know, Barn, believe me. - Sure I do, Fred.
 You're the first one of us to make it out of that quarry.
 Look at me. I'll probably be working there the rest of my life.
 No, you won't, Barn.
 Take my word for it.
 Come take a look.. It's a dish in the shower, you keep the soap in it.
 - Barney, there's something we gotta talk about. - Yeah, yeah. Later, Fred.
 Surprise!
 Way to go, Fred!
 - Wilma, you shouldn't have. - Hmm?
 I didn't. This was all Barney and Betty's idea.
 Aren't we lucky to have friends like them, Fred?
 Ohh!
 There he is!
 There's my big, handsome son-in-law!
 Have you lost weight?
 Have we met?
 Can I have everybody's attention, please?
 I've got something I'd like to say.
 I hope it's not another poem.
 Betty, Bamm-Bamm and I could not be happier,
 - even if it was me that got that job. - Aww!
 So we got a little something to show how proud of you we are.
 Congratulations, big guy!
 Barney, I can't accept this.
 - Sure, you can. - No, I can't. Take it back.
 - We can't. We had your initials branded on it. - It's yours, Fred.
 - No, it's not! - Fred, what's wrong with you?
 It's a lovely gift.
 - He's thrilled to receive it. Aren't you, Fred? - No!
 - Don't you like the color? - It's not the briefcase, it's not the color.
 - I just can't take anything from you. - But, Fred..
 Take a hike, shorty.
 My Freddie doesn't want that tacky thing.
 - How come, Fred? - Because you can't afford it, Barn.
 Ohh.
 Sure I can, pal.
 Not anymore.
 - You're fired. - Fired?
 Well!
 Let's not let a little thing like this spoil the party!
 Conga line!
 Conga! Conga!
 Don't worry about me, Fred.
 - I've been working in that quarry since it was eight feet deep. - Atta boy!
 There could be a whole new world opening up for me.
 - Maybe I'll take in that franchise show this weekend. - That's the spirit.
 There's just one thing I gotta know.
 After all these years, how come they're canning me?
 Barn,
 you're a wonderful father,
 a loving husband,
 a hard worker,
 and one heck of a little bowler.
 But, Barn, none of that counts on an aptitude test.
 You got the lowest score, pal.
 The lowest score?
 Wilma, that is beautiful!
 - Well, I have always wanted... - You can't catch me!
 - a Halstone original. - Mmm.
 - Ohh! - Now, Wilma, don't be silly!
 if it means laying off all those workers.
 Some have been here since the beginning of time.
 What if I could quadruple your income?
 I'll miss them. You were saying?
 Sorry I'm late. I had car trouble.
 Picked up a nail.
 Thank you for sharing that, Mr. Flagstone.
 - F.. - May we continue?
 Mr. Slate. Gentlemen.
 I have... a vision.
 While our competitors are mired in the Stone Age,
 I give you... the future!
 - Ohh. - Slate and Company...
 will revolutionize the building industry...
 by providing simple,
 low-cost, modular housing units.
 Impossible, you say?
 Let me demonstrate.
 Through the miracle of geothermal power,
 the raw material is elevated to the second stage,
 - where our steam-powered conveyor belt carries.. - Steam?
 He's a madman!
 Steam-powered conveyor belts...
 carry the product to be shaped, cleaned, inspected...
 and delivered to discerning consumers worldwide.
 And did I mention increasing our profit margin...
 - fourfold? - Very impressive, Mr. Vandercave.
 Very impressive. I think we should implement this system immediately.
 Yes?
 Excuse me, Mr. Slate. I know I'm the new man here,
 but I don't think you hired me to sit around and look pretty.
 I hate to bust your bubble, but if you build houses this small,
 who's gonna live in 'em?
 - Excuse me. Mrs. Rubble? - Yes.
 There seems to be a slight problem with your credit card.
 Really? And what would that be?
 It's no damn good!
 I have never been so embarrassed in my entire life.
 - Go and play, children. - Wilma, I promise you I'll pay you back.
 - I just don't know when. - Oh, now, Betty.
 - It can't be as bad as all that. - But it is.
 Barney's still out of work; we've nearly spent all of our savings.
 And, Wilma, what if the adoption agency finds out?
 I don't want to lose my baby.
 I swear, Betty, Fred and I would never let that happen.
 - Oh, Wilma. - Oh, Betty.
 Pterodactyl alert!
 Mommy, help!
 - Oh, yuck! - Ecch!
 And in conclusion, Mr. Slate,
 I feel a paid vacation for everyone in the quarry would raise morale...
 and increase productivity,
 um, um... a whole bunch!
 Sincerely yours, Frederick J. Flintstone.
 Shall I make that "Flagstone," so he'll know who it's from?
 My, don't we look handsome today?
 Thank you.
 Here are today's batch of requisitions,
 - all marked and ready for your signature. - Okay.
 You know, Miss Stone,
 I've been signing stacks of these for weeks, and I hate to pry, but what are they?
 Oh, just tiny little forms...
 so that we can pay the contractors working on the modernization.
 We remodeled our kitchen a couple of years ago,
 and let me tell you, contractors can be real pirates.
 - I'm gonna read these over. - No!
 You're much too busy for that, Mr. Flintstone.
 Besides,
 reading is my job.
 You wouldn't want to put poor little old me...
 out of work, now, would you?
 No.
 Your wife. Mm-mmm.
 - Your wife. - My wife. Wilma?
 - Wilma! What a surprise! - So it would seem.
 Miss Stone, I'd like you to meet my wife Mrs. Flagstone...
 and our daughter, um, um, um, um..
 Isn't she beautiful? My family.
 - I've heard so much about you. - Well, I wish that I could say the same.
 That'll be all, Miss Stone. I'll sign those documents and place them on your desk.
 Whatever you want.
 - Your secretary is very attractive. - Really? I hadn't noticed.
 - Did I mention she chisels eighteen words a minute? - Hmm.
 Hey, Wilma, did ya ever see one of these?
 My wife is the most beautiful gal in Bedrock.
 - "My wife is the most beautiful gal in Bedrock". - Nice try, Fred.
 "Nice try, Fred".
 Fred! I've come to talk about the Rubbles' troubles.
 Hasn't Barney found a job yet?
 It's gotten so bad, they've had to rent out their house just to make ends meet.
 Really. Where are they gonna live?
 So glad you're over your cold.
 Thank you.
 Isn't this nice, Betty?
 The Flintstones and the Rubbles, all under one roof.
 Yes, but this is such an imposition. Are you sure it's okay with Fred?
 Oh, absolutely.
 As a matter of fact, he thinks it was his idea.
 - Hey, Freddie, a couple of cool ones. - Oh, yeah.
 How about it, Barn?
 - Flintstones and Rubbles under one roof. - But it's only temporary.
 It'd better be.
 - It'd better be! - Yeah!
 Ah, Barn, I admire ya; you've lost your job, your dignity,
 but not your sense of humor.
 Hey, cut it out, Fred!
 You like your steak rare?
 - Yeah. - That one's yours.
 Hey, hey, stop! Come here, you purple rodent!
 Don't forget to wash that off before you eat it!
 Come here! Give me that!
 Help! Somebody!
 Ohhhh!
 Flintstone gets the rock.
 He sets his shot. He shoots!
 Ohh!
 Oh! Oh, boy.
 Miss Stone, what a pleasant surprise.
 Oh. What happened here?
 - That's what I'd like to know! - I'll get someone to fix it.
 Oh, Miss Stone?
 Before you go, there's something bothering me...
 - about this new system we're putting in here. - Oh?
 Yeah. I don't pretend to understand it all,
 - but wouldn't this put a lot of my guys out of work? - How would I know?
 I'm just a little ol' secretary.
 Are you kiddin' me? You're smart!
 I could tell that right off.
 There's a lot more to you than you.. er.. uh..
 - You.. I mean.. - Thank you.
 I sure hope I didn't get you into too much trouble with your wife the other day.
 Nah. Wilma always forgives me. She knows I love her.
 - And you do, don't you? - Are you kiddin'?
 I'll never forget, the first time I met her. She was working at a restaurant.
 I won this "All You Can Eat" contest and she was the one that cleaned me off.
 I think I know.
 - Where have you been? - With Fred.
 I mean, Mr. Flintstone.
 I'm worried, Cliff.
 - He's smarter than we thought. - He'd have to be to get himself dressed in the morning.
 He's been asking a lot of questions.
 I think we should just call the whole thing off.
 No. No, I've got a better idea.
 Why don't we turn ourselves in,
 - then we can rot in jail until the poles freeze over. - I was just thinking..
 Stick to your strengths, Miss Stone.
 And I'll stick to mine.
 Besides,
 if Mr. Flintstone insists on being so conscientious,
 perhaps we can give Fred...
 something to take his mind off work, hmm?
 - A bonus? - That's right, Fred!
 - You deserve it. - For what?
 Don't be modest, you go-getter, you!
 And Fred, let me let you in on a little secret.
 If you really want to become a top executive at this company, you've got to start living like one.
The BC-52's (Male Singer, spoken voice): ♪ Yabba-dabba-doo! ♪
The BC-52's: ♪ Flintstones, meet the Flintstones. They're the modern Stone Age family. From the town of Bedrock. They're a page right out of history. ♪
 Good afternoon, madam.
 - Full serve, please. 
The BC-52's: ♪ Let's ride. With the family down the street. Through the courtesy of Fred's two feet. When you're with the Flintstones. Have a yabba-dabba-doo time. A dabba-doo time. ♪
 Oh, dear!
The BC-52's: ♪ We'll have a gay old time. ♪
 Good boy.
 Good, Wilma! Use your arms. Perfect. That's four.
 - Betty! Towel. - And good. Five. Strong, tight. Go six.
 - Keep going. Go eight. Strong, tight. Go nine.
The BC-52's (Female singer): ♪ A yabba-dabba-doo time. A Dabba-doo time. A yabba-dabba-doo time... ♪
The BC-52's (Male singer, spoken voice): ♪ The Flintstones! ♪
The BC-52's: ♪ We'll have a gay old time. ♪
 Ohhhhh!
The BC-52's (Spoken voice): ♪ Yeah! ♪
 Who said money doesn't buy happiness?
 But, Fred, isn't this all too much too fast?
 Wilma, in the buffet of life there are no second helpings.
 You gotta fill up your plate, top off your cup,
 and stuff a few rolls in your pocket.
 Fred, stop!
 Mmm. Frisky!
 You know, Barney, life's funny.
 One minute people are your best friends,
 the next you're fantasizing they're being ripped apart by a pack of rabid wolves.
 - You too, huh? - Oh, Barney, they've changed.
 I hardly know them since Fred's become such a big shot.
 And it should be us squanderin' all our money and treatin' our friends like dirt.
 - What do you mean? - Oh, nothin'.
 Just sour grapes, I guess.
 Oh, don't worry, Barney.
 It's gonna get better.
 One day we're gonna look back on all this and we'll laugh.
 Geez, I hope so, Betty, 'cause tomorrow they got me testin' shark repellent.
 Mmm. Oh, Barney. Ooh.
 Leaving early?
 Actually, the wife and I were going to have dinner tonight at Cavern on the Green.
 Ooh, pricey. Be sure to put that on your expense account.
 Fred, before you go..
 - Would you mind chipping your "X" on a couple of these? - Yeah, sure. What are they?
 Well, you sign these and your buddies down in the quarry get some much-needed time off.
 No kiddin'! I guess Mr. Slate finally noticed all those memos I been sendin' in.
 I hope the guys will know who's to thank for this.
 I'll make sure you get all the credit.
 Mr. Flintstone, up to now our relationship...
 - has not been based on mutuality of admiration or respect. - Huh?
 Put simply, you hate my bird guts and I think you're dumber than mud.
 - Ah. Well, good night. - Still, I wish to pass on an old dictum...
 from business school that may be apropos.
 Only an idiot signs something before reading it.
 Excuse me. I'm the executive, you're the office equipment.
 If I want to ask the office equipment for advice,
 I'll ask the water cooler!
 Ladies and gentlemen, the B.C.- 's!
 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, hey
 Twitch
 Well, I know a place where the hipsters go
 Called Bedrock Twitch, twitch
 Oh, the Stone Age crowd is twitching proud
 In Bedrock Twitch, twitch
 They do the twitch Twitch, twitch, come on
 Twitch, twitch
 Twitch, twitch
 Twitch, twitch
 Twitch, twitch
 Do it, come on, baby Do it, do it, do it
 - Do the twitch like you got an itch, itch - Yeah, yeah, yeah
 - Itch, itch, itch, itch - Yeah, yeah, yeah
 Twitch Thank you, Bedrock!
 Thanks, everybody. And remember, don't drink and pedal.
 Good night!
 - How 'bout a spin, Betty? - No, thank you, Fred. I'll wait till Barney gets here.
 He started some new job today. I'm not sure what time he gets done.
 While we're waiting, how about another carafe of the bubbly? Garcon! Whoops.
 Don't worry, Mr. Flintstone. I'll have that taken care of right away.
 Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh.
 Table seven, sonny.
 Barney!
 Barney, nice skins! Sit down, take a load off!
 - I can't, Fred. I'm working here. - You're a busboy?
 - It's honest work. - Yeah, I don't have to fight Dino for my supper.
 Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll get you a fresh tablecloth, sir.
 Wilma, you were worried he'd never find a job and we'd be stuck with him forever.
 Ow!
 Flintstone! Flintstone! We want Flintstone!
 The demonstration continues to get uglier at Slate and Company...
 following the unexpected layoff of virtually the entire labor force...
 by V.P. Fred Flintstone.
 For the Cave News Network, this is Susan Rock.
 Fred, did you hear what happened to everyone at the quarry today?
 Yup. A few hours ago, I sent them all off on a nice, long vacation.
 You mean, a permanent vacation. He fired them!
 Fred! How could you?
 - I didn't do that. - You did too! It's all over the TV!
 - Fred! - Who are you going to believe.. me or some busboy?
 That busboy is your best friend!
 Best friend? I lost my best friend the day I became an executive!
 He's just jealous of my hard-earned success.
 Hard-earned? Tell me something, Mr. Vice President,
 what's a graduated inventory plan, huh?
 How about supply and demand?
 Hey, Fred! What's two and two?
 I didn't come here to talk business. I'm out with my wife.
 Now, get me a clean spoon.
 That does it!
 The only reason you got that job is 'cause I switched tests with you.
 - Oh, Barney. - Oh-ho-ho, that's rich!
 What good would it do me to switch tests with the guy that got the lowest score?
 - Think about it, Fred. - Oh, finally it all makes sense.
 You don't believe this, do you?
 - Are you calling my husband a liar? - This has gone far enough.
 After everything that we've done for you. We took you into our home.
 Yeah? So you could show off every chance you got!
 You used to be such nice people, but now...
 you're just a couple of rich snobs!
 Better than being a couple of petty ingrates.
 Come on, Barney. We are moving out... tonight!
 Hang on, Betty. I forgot to punch out.
 Eh, put it up top.
 Betty, please. We can work it out.
 We're all civilized people here.
 It's too late, Wilma.
 Come on, we all said things that we didn't mean.
 Speak for yourself.
 Come on, Betty. Time to hit the road.
 Fred! Aren't you even the least bit sorry?
 Sure, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I ever met the little moocher.
 Oh, Betty.
 - Good-bye, Wilma. - Oh.
 They're gone.
 I cannot believe you just let them walk out of our lives.
 - At least I can walk around the house in my underwear again. - And that is more important...
 than years of friendship?
 It is on a hot day.
 They were holding us back, Wilma.
 We'll make new friends. There's other people in this world!
 - Who needs the Rubbles? - I do.
 But I'll tell you what I don't need.
 I don't need... this necklace.
 You know, I don't need this lamp.
 And I don't need this television set.
 Not the TV!
 I don't need this.
 I don't need this.
 I don't think I'll be needing any of this bone china.
 Because I don't have any friends to invite to dinner.
 I don't think I'll be using any of these cups or saucers.
 You're gonna regret this. It's gonna take you hours to clean up this mess.
 All right, Wilma. Enough of this charade.
 Come back now, and I'll forgive ya.
 Oh, you're bluffin', Wilma Slaghoople.
 You're not going to your mother's.
 Once around the block, you'll realize...
 the folly of your ways and you'll come crawling back.
 Please.
 It's finally happened: I've become my father.
 Now, Barney, don't talk like that.
 - This place is fine for now. - Come on, Betty.
 We're living downwind from a family of wild boars.
 - Face it. We've hit rock bottom. - Hmm.
 Come here, little guy.
 Can you say da-da? Say da-da.
 - Bamm-Bamm! - Oh.
 It doesn't really matter where we live, as long as we're together.
 Family hug!
 - Betty? - Hmm?
 Exactly where did you get those eggs?
 Sorry.
 I think it might be twins.
 There he is!
 You're a traitor, Flintstone!
 - Listen to me. I'm your friend. - You're no friend of ours!
 And you're a rotten bowler too!
 Good morning, Mr. Flint..
 - They made a fool of me. - Look what they had to work with.
 Wah!
 Flintstone, heard you were down in the file room.
 Find anything interesting?
 Yeah! I'm on to your little scam.
 Billing phony companies and keeping the money for yourself.
 - I'm going to Mr. Slate. - Good idea.
 Turning yourself in might buy you a little leniency.
 - Me? This entire scheme was your idea. - True.
 But I've graciously decided to give you all the credit...
 since it's your name on the requisitions.
 I never touched any of that money!
 Hmm. Fred, please.
 Remodeling your house, furs, jewelry, a fully-equipped Le Sabertooth.
 - Tsk, tsk, tsk. You should have been more discreet. - I'm innocent!
 Oh, boo-hoo-hoo. Miss Stone, call security.
 Tell them we've uncovered an embezzler.
 Miss Stone, you'll back me up, won't ya?
 You better run while you still have a chance.
 You'll never get away with this.
 I already have.
 Here comes the pterodactyl.
 - Mmm-mmm-mmm. - It's no use, Mother.
 She misses Fred.
 I hope it's not that pesky Avrok lady again.
 Oh!
 - Betty! - Oh.
 - Bamm-Bamm! - I have missed you so much.
 I don't care what Barney said; l couldn't let you go through this alone.
 - Have you heard from Fred? - No.
 I spoke to a lawyer.
 If he's missing seven years, you can remarry.
 Mother!
 Well, wherever Fred is, I hope he knows I still love him.
 Ohh.
 Calling all Bedrock units, all Bedrock units.
 Tonight, in a special edition of Bedrock's Most Wanted,
 we bring you the story that's rocked our city,
 "The Case Of The Embezzling Executive".
 Mr. Flintstone, what are you doing?
 I'm an executive. I'm embezzling.
 I'm shocked!
 How could you ever marry that man?
 Mother! That man is not my husband.
 That's right. He plays Dr. Gravelman on The Young And The Thumbless.
 Fred might be a lot of things but a thief is not one of them.
 - Can you prove it? - Who cares?
 Yabba-dabba-dabba!
 - Yabba-dabba-dabba! - This menace remains at large..
 - We ask the public's help in apprehending.. - Maybe I can.
 A little something to take that chill off. Take a swig of this.
 Put hair on your knuckles.
 Tell me something.. You one of those guys that was laid off at the stone quarry?
 I used to work there.
 A lot of guys here would like to get their hands on the guy who's responsible for all this.
 - So they could hear his side of the story? - What? His side of the story?
 Huh? Flintstone!
 Flintstone!
 It is! Flintstone!
 Squealer!
 Get him!
 Just think. This time tomorrow, we'll be on a pterodactyl winging our w..
 - Oh, Cliff. - Hmm?
 How come there's only one ticket to Rocapulco?
 For your protection, darling. I thought I would go on a "business trip," while you...
 stay here to keep up appearances.
 Then, when we're sure it's safe, I'll send for you.
 Forgive me, Cliff.
 Looks like you've thought of everything.
 Psst. Excuse me!
 - Hello. - No, Mumsie, I don't want to go to school.
 The other boys make fun of me.
 Wake up!
 Oh, Mrs. Flintstone. To what do I owe the honor of this break-in?
 I need your help, Mr. Bird.
 - You hear everything that goes on in this office. - Mm-hmm.
 You are the only one who can help clear my husband.
 My, my, what a delicious irony. Thank you for sharing it with me.
 Now, let me share something with you.
 Oh, now, Wilma, calm down.
 - Maybe I can reason with him. - Ow!
 There. All set.
 You know, my only regret is I won't be around...
 when that shoddy new equipment blows up in their big, dumb faces.
 Oh, well, I'll just have to console myself with all that money.
 Hey, who's that?
 That's Flintstone's wife.
 What would she want with a stinky old dict..
 Son of a brachiosaurus!
 Well, Cliff. I guess you haven't thought of everything.
 Oh, this is far from over.
 String him up!
 You can't do this. I was framed!
 In a minute you're going to be boxed.
 Anybody want a snowcone?
 - Barney! - Fred!
 - What are you doing here? - I'm getting lynched!
 - Oh. I got cherry, lime, rocky road. - Do you know this guy?
 Know him? He used to be my best friend.
 In a way, if it wasn't for me, this whole mess probably wouldn't have happened.
 Thanks for filling us in. We could've made a very big mistake here.
 - Hang both of 'em. - What?
 Gee, take it easy. They make you pay for your own uniforms.
 Barney, I thought you came to save me.
 Save you? I saw a crowd, I figured I'd sell a few snowcones.
 - You mean you haven't forgiven me yet? - Nope.
 Frankly, I don't think this is going to help.
 - I took a cherry. - I can't break a .
 Hey, hey, hey! Wait a minute!
 Look, Barn, I know you're still a little mad at me.
 But I want you to know, if I had to have someone hanging next to me,
 I'm glad it's you.
 I guess switchin' them tests didn't turn out much like I planned, huh, Fred?
 Hey, got any lemon?
 Check in the back.
 Gee, why can't business be this good every day?
 The story of my life.
 - I'm a loser. - No, you're not.
 - This makes me a winner? - No, but you're the best friend a guy ever had...
 and that makes you a winner in my book, pal.
 Me.. I'm just a big jerk.
 Ah, everybody loves you, Fred.
 Except for this lynch mob.
 Ah, Barn.
 Ah, Fred.
 You'll have plenty of time to bond in the afterlife.
 Wilma, look!
 Watch out for that tree!
 Now wait, everybody.
 Fred is innocent.
 Barney, do you have to do everything Fred does?
 Everybody, listen to him.
 First things first. I demand an apology.
 - I'm sorry! - Not you, him.
 Me? Apologize to a bird?
 Not Fred Flintstone!
 I had hoped we might be colleagues but instead, you've treated me as if...
 I were an ordinary piece of office furniture.
 I may eat bugs, but I have feelings, Mr. Flintstone.
 - And you've hurt them. - Aww.
 Uh, well, look, I know I could've been a little more sensitive.
 - Especially when you were molting. - Ohh.
 So, I'm... sorry.
 I don't think they heard you in the back.
 - I'm sorry. - Pardon?
 - I'm sorry, I'm sorry! - Ohh.
 Now, then.
 Gather 'round, everyone. I'll tell you the tale of an unsophisticated man...
 caught up in a treacherous web of power,
 deceit and lust.
 Ooh, yeah.
 Why is the door open?
 - Betty, the door is open! - Wilma, something's wrong!
 - Pebbles! - Bamm-Bamm!
 What kind of madman would do something like this?
 That's a poor poochie.
 That's a baby. That's a baby.
 - Pebbles and Bamm-Bamm are gone! - They left this.
 - It's a note. - "If you want to see your kids again,
 bring the Dictabird to the quarry at dawn. No police".
 Mr. Flintstone.
 Stealing office equipment, really. Tsk, tsk, tsk. 
 Is this the kind of example you want to set for your daughter?
 - Where are the kids? - The bird, please.
 - First, we want our children. - Of course.
 - Bamm-Bamm! - Take one more step, Mr. Rubble,
 and this quarry's safety record will be severely tarnished.
 Now, give me the bird.
 Go on, Fred. Give him what he wants.
 - What? - Don't worry, I got a plan.
 - We're gonna get the kids back and then we'll rescue you. - What a strategist.
 I should have signed with Disney.
 They never would've allowed this sort of thing to happen.
 - Ahh! Thank you, gentlemen. - Easy.
 And in the words of my beloved mother,
 I'm taking the money and moving to a warmer climate.
 Help, Daddy!
 Let's discuss this, Cliff. May I call you Cliff?
 Barney, too much pressure.
 One, two, three..
 Nice goin'.
 - Now what do we do? - You get the kids, I'll try and stop this.
 Whoa!
 Cliffy, have I ever told you you have a very distinguished chin?
 Shut up! Aah!
 Whoa!
 Yo, ow, ow, ow, ow!
 Oh, dear, oh, dear.
 Too many years behind a desk. Mayday, mayday!
 Hi, Da-da.
 You did it! You called me da-da!
 Oh, Barney, you lunkhead!
 What am I going to do? I gotta think of somethin'.
 Not now.
 Wake up, Uncle Barney!
 Help, help!
 Save me! Save me from this mad M.B.A.!
 - Don't worry. I'll take care of him. - My hero.
 Yipes.
 Flintstone, kiss your bird good-bye.
 Oh, mama.
 Will there be anything else, Mr. Flintstone?
 No, Miss Stone. Take the rest of the day off.
 Yabba-dabba-doo!
 Cliff?
 It's time for you and me to interface.
 - Aah! - Stee-rike!
 And then, Cliff said,
 "True. But I've graciously decided to give you all the credit,
 since it's your name on all the requisition forms".
 Mr. Flintstone, I may not be in on Monday.
 Don't worry, Miss Stone. I'll tell 'em what you did.
 - I'm sure they'll let you off easy. - I've been a very bad girl.
 But you have to admit,
 I was very, very good at it.
 Come on, do it for Mommy. Who am l?
 - Bamm-Bamm! - Oh.
 Thank goodness, you're all right.
 Well, I'm not going to jail, but it won't be easy getting a new job.
 What kind of reference is Mr. Slate gonna give me after I destroyed his quarry?
 None of this was your fault. Mr. Slate will understand.
 Flintstone!
 Sure, now he gets my name right.
 How did this happen?
 Mr. Slate, it all started when the Rubbles here wanted to adopt a baby.
 Not that!
 How did this happen to Cliff?
 Well, you see, Mr. Slate,
 the machinery went haywire and the rocks got all crushed up...
 and that got mixed in with water and that came all down the hill.
 - Mr. Slate, I'm sorry! - Sorry? I love this stuff!
 I'm gonna name it after my daughter Concretia.
 Flintstone, you're a genius!
 Me? Really? Why?
 Don't you see? Thanks to concrete, man can now shape his own destiny.
 - The Stone Age is over! - Ahh.
 First thing, I want you to hire back all the men, Flintstone.
 - We're going into production immediately. - We?
 That's right. You are hereby promoted to President of the entire Concrete Division.
 Yabba..
 That's a real nice offer, Mr. Slate, but unfortunately, I'm gonna have to turn you down.
 Don't listen to him, Mr. Slate. Fred, it's a great job! This time, you deserve it.
 Barney, all my life I wanted to be a somebody.
 And when I finally did, I turned into somebody I didn't like.
 Good grief, man, have you lost your mind?
 This could make you rich beyond your wildest dreams.
 I was always the richest man in the world.
 I just never knew it.
 So, if it's okay with you, Mr. Slate,
 all I want is my old job back and my old life.
 Fred.
 And two weeks paid vacation for all the men in the quarry,
 an annual cost of livin' increase...
 and those little packets of ketchup in the lunchroom.
 - Done! - Thanks, boss. See you at the company picnic.
 There goes the best executive I ever had.
 - Fred, I'm so proud of you. - And I'm proud of you, Barney.
 - I'm starving! - Me too!
 What do you say we get some breakfast. Snake and eggs for everybody.
 - My treat. Barney.. - Great.
 - Yeah, Fred? - Could you spot me a couple bucks? I'm a little short.
 - Not this time! - What?
Choir: ♪ Flintstones. Meet the Flintstones. They're a modern Stone Age family. ♪
ALL: Whoa.
[If watching in open matte on the infamous uncropped film scan, the Flintstone home's mailbox zooms out to a much farther distance]
Choir: ♪ From the town of Bedrock. They're a page right out of history. Someday maybe Fred will win the fight. Then that cat will stay out for the night. When you're with the Flintstones. Have a yabba-dabba-doo time. A dabba-doo time. We'll have a gay old time. ♪
Fred Flintstone: Wilma! 
Choir: ♪ We'll have a gay old time. ♪
Fred Flintstone: Wilma!
 Yabba-dabba-doo!
 Flintstones Meet the Flintstones
 They're the modern Stone Age family
 From the town of Bedrock
 They're a page right out of history
 Let's ride with the family down the street
 Through the courtesy of Fred's two feet
 When you're with the Flintstones
 Have a yabba-dabba-doo time A dabba-doo time
 We'll have a gay old time
 The Flintstones!
 Flintstones Meet the Flintstones
 They're the modern Stone Age family
 From the town of Bedrock
 They're a page right out of history
 Someday maybe Fred will win the fight
 Then that cat will stay out for the night
 When you're with the Flintstones
 Have a yabba-dabba-doo time A dabba-doo time
 We'll have a gay old time
 We'll have a gay old time
 Yeah!
 Yabba-dabba-doo!
 I was travelin' to Earth and what did I spot
 A little village by the water Sign said Bedrock
 I met this kid named Freddie Didn't wear no socks
 He had a part-time gig at the Gravel Pit slingin' rocks
 Said he was into hip hop, could he kick a spell, I told him go for it
 But at first said what you think I said you're style is prehistoric
 Sounds stuck in the Stone Age You're still using a hammer and chisel
 Carving out your lyrics on stone pages
 It's about time you heard a style from a real before-the-wheel rapper
 Set it off and he said yabba-dabba-doo
 Then he got the crew The fella's suddenly standing
 In the middle of a crowd of K drummers
 Sayin' tell us how you flipped the script and ripped
 I get busy one time They said yeah, yeah, I'm hip, I'm hip
 Didn't know the time Didn't know about fly
 So l, you know, I had to show a Cave Man how to rock
 In the Stone Age
 I showed a Cave Man how to rock
 Yabba-dabba-doo!
 In the Stone Age
 I showed a Cave Man how to rock
 Yabba-dabba-doo!
 Barney Rubble Fred Flintstone
 Hey, Freddie boy Don't try to get too close
 I don't want to catch a mammoth dose
 We'll meet at the Bedrock disco
 Who cares when I got T. Rex on my radio
 On this prehistoric day I feel duty-bound to say
 Before I reach my destination
 On this prehistoric day I feel duty-bound to say
 I owes an explanation
 Give me one good reason
 Give me two good reasons
 Give me three good reasons
 Why's men do what they do
 Yabba-dabba-doo, Yabba-dabba-doo Yabba-dabba-doo
 Anarchy in Bedrock
 Stop in some time and meet Betty and Wilma
 Try some Flint upside-down Rubble bubble cake
 Or just try Fruity Pebbles
 'Cause I
 Wanna be
 Fred Flintstone
 Is this the U.S.D.A.
 Is this Hollywood
 Is this Bedrock
 I thought it was Hollyrock
 'Cause I
 Wanna be
 Fred Flintstone
 Yabba-dabba-doo
 Wilma!
Category:Transcripts
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