TSPS 84: Scientology and French Fries

Show format: 54 minutes, Pre-recorded
Call types: Request, TruGreen, Neighbor
Show info
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A listener lets Brad know that Longmont Potion Castle got to Lord Valve's electronic store first (a call from TSPS 82). A clip of the prank is played. Brad gets nostalgic about getting the cane at school. All kids should get paddled, just to keep them in line.
8:06: Gary from the district calls to let Walker Elementary School know they're closing down due to budget cuts but the lady there doesn't buy.
8:48: Kevin's sending his kid to the school next term and asks if they paddle the kids. Kevin's really interested in the in's and out's of paddling, which the staffer there is fine with until he asks if the teacher will paddle him, at which point she gets creeped out. Seems they don't want Kevin as a volunteer parent either.
10:29: Seems the school are really not fond of Kevin and threaten him with the police if he calls again. Brad admits defeat, fearing bad things might happen with feds and police.
11:06: Some previous TruGreen pranks bore fruit, now an entire community are paranoid.
13:48: Jill (an unused number from the previous pranks) is really not happy to hear that Kevin from TruGreen doused her lawn in grasskiller - that's bad, that's reallly bad, says she. Jill says hubby will have a fit, Kevin tries to sell the 'boards on dead grass' look, throws neighbor Gregory under the TruGreen bus for writing the wrong address on the form. Jill's day is just getting worse - first her herniated back, then dead grass, now dead trees too. Kevin tries to smooth things over with the idea of an astroturf lawn but he just can't reason with Jill. But at least he won't lose her as a customer as she didn't use them before anyhow. Jill gets all sue-happy, Kevin muses she can't sue as he doesn't even have a savings account.
21:03: Dave from the Scientology corporate office calls their hotline with some hard facts - their entire way of thinking is wrong, Jesus Christ is the saviour etc. etc. Scientology switchboard lady doesn't buy any of this for some reason, hangs up on Dave with fingers in ears. Dave tries back but she's on the ball and mumbles his number back at him. Dave gets cut off again but is sure he's convinced her to pack up and go home.
22:38: The Queen of England listens to the Snow Plow Show, apparently. This reminds Brad of the Aussie Royal Family death by prank debacle from a few years back.
24:32: More completely tasteful Aussie jokes.
25:49: Even more jokes, courtesy of Olga. Google Voice screws up.
27:27: Diane's son is stealing fries from where he works at Cathy's Corner. Stephen wants to resolve it with her and after some questioning believes that Diane's offering of frozen fries cooked on an un-greased baking sheet are causing her son to steal from work, suggests pocket money but Diane pleads poverty. Stephen concludes that cancelling Diane's cable service would solve the problem, calls back as Time Warner's automated disconnect service. Diane's just too busy watching TV to care.
35:00: More listener mail written with backwards P's.
42:56: Tim saw some hoodlums park outside neighbor Ken's driveway and wants to let Ken know that he left a passive-aggressive note on their car, and smashed it with a bat for good measure. And stole their car stereo. Ken should be happy, but instead seems weirded out by Tim's antics. Ken was meant to be a real jerk, but Brad thinks he's just a nice old guy.
45:27: Switching things up, Ken now calls Tim to complain about the car that was parked across his driveway. Tim draws a blank and seems confused (my neighbour Ken who's 80 years old?!), but it's OK as Ken also been getting some of his mail which he can bring across. Tim's just got out of the shower though and doesn't want visitors, so Ken rips up his mail in a huff. Hung up on, Ken calls back and rants to Tim's voicemail for stealing his hot water when they take a shower.
48:38: Brad fesses up to more prank requests which didn't work out.