Crazysponge the rapper

crazysponge the rapper is the fourth episode of Season Four of CrazySponge Died: The Series.
==Transcript==
[The episode starts with CrazySponge at the Box Productions HQ, on a video call meeting with Jess and Liz.]
CrazySponge: The agenda for Box Productions in the year of 2022 is one of diversity. We need to make sure the world feels like they have representation in our products. After all, it’s an increasingly diverse world, and we’re breaking down societal norms.
Jess: Oh, like how they changed the name of midget gems?
Liz: They’re mini gems now, ret–
CrazySponge: ELIZABETH! No ableist slurs in the staff meeting.
[CrazySponge mutes Liz]
CrazySponge: Anyway, like I was saying, we need some more ways to celebrate diversity in this ever-changing society. Any ideas?
Jess: For Pride Month, we could rebrand Cut-Out as “Cut off members of your family by coming out as pansexual”. 
[moments of contemplation]
Jess: So, what do we think? [Jess is kicked from the call, replaced with CartoonGuy277]
CrazySponge: You got anything?
CartoonGuy277: It’s a-me, Igna– [he is kicked]
CrazySponge: For God’s sake, has nobody in this company got any brains? [unmutes Liz] You’re our only hope, Liz. Make me proud.
Liz: I, for one, think Box Productions should start trying to appeal to the black community.
CrazySponge: And how do you propose we do that? Hire a guy named Jerome?
Liz: I don’t know, Aidan, I’m not scary– I mean, black. Maybe you can make a rap song, I don’t know.
[Subtitles appear on screen, reading “The views displayed by the characters in this episode do not reflect those of SUS! Entertainment or its affiliates”]
CrazySponge: WHAT A GREAT IDEA!
Liz: Oh dear.
CrazySponge: I knew you’d be onto something. Now, how do I start a rap career?
Liz: Well, I don’t think you need to start a career, just make a Box Productions hip-hop commercial or something–
CrazySponge: A-HA! I am going to hire the most talented rapper to ghostwrite a verse and I will be crowned as the God of Rap, without needing to put in any effort at all!
Liz: Yeah, of course you know any talented rappers that could ghostwrite you a hit.
CrazySponge: [pulls out a mobile phone and makes a call] Mr. Young Daniel? 
Liz: Oh dear.
[Cut to CrazySponge in a real-life meeting with Yvng Danny. Dan, dressed in a tuxedo, sits down, whilst CrazySponge, standing on the table wearing baggy pants and egregious jewelry, is smoking a blunt.]
Yvng Danny: Good evening, sir.
CrazySponge: [putting on a potentially racist accent] Yo, what’s up, homie? 
Yvng Danny: You were inquiring about me producing a song for advertising purposes, correct?
CrazySponge: Ayo, I need a rap for BP. I’d write it myself but I’m not black.
Yvng Danny: N-neither am I, I don’t think ethnicity has anything to do with–
CrazySponge: Pipe down, my no-cap-slatt-brother-woadie-foenem. 
Yvng Danny: What?
CrazySponge: I gotta appeal to the black community wit’ my products, son, and I need a real P-pusher to spit them bars, nahmean?
Yvng Danny: Is this how you think African-Americans all talk?
CrazySponge: [dropping the accent and putting a rifle to Dan’s head] Write me a fucking rap song. 
Yvng Danny: [hesitantly] Y-yes, sir.
[Dan runs out of the office, and we cut to CrazySponge sitting back, lighting a cigarette, with a flat screen TV in front of him.]
CrazySponge: Oh, SpongeBot…
Bot: Yes, sire?
CrazySponge: Turn on the song Youthful Danvolio sent to me.
Bot: Will do, Your Majesty. 
[Bot presses a button on the remote that makes a video of Yvng Danny appear on the TV. He’s in a studio rapping over a hardcore but cheap-sounding trap beat.]
Yvng Danny: (rapping) Fuck CrazySponge, he a sexual degenerate
CrazySponge: HUH?
Yvng Danny: His ego stand as tall as fucking Kendall Jenner is…
CrazySponge: FUCK CRAZYSPONGE?! Why, I only let John. do that! Turn it off!
[Bot presses the same button on the remote to turn the TV off]
CrazySponge: That conniving bastard wrote a diss track on me! Well, if Mr. Sullivan himself considers me worthy of a challenge, I’ll take this matter into my own hands.
Bot: Are you gonna kill him, sire?
CrazySponge: No, that was my second option. But first…
[Cut to a black-and-white video of CrazySponge, in his “ghetto” outfit, standing next to Liz, looking uncomfortable in work clothes, on top of the Box Productions HQ’s roof. A drill beat that samples “Livin’ in the Sunlight, Lovin’ in the Moonlight” by Tiny Tim plays whilst CrazySponge starts rapping, with Liz providing ad-libs (in parentheses).]
CrazySponge: I run Meme World, no kizzy, it’s me and young Lizzy, we came to get busy (Baow!)
You don’t know what to say when I crept through your block with BP-branded Glizzies (Brrrt)
It’s season four of this CS Died shit, you know Zoltan will go for the killy (Slatt)
[beat cuts out] I was watching the Goofy Movie last night, wish Roxanne would show us a titty!
[beat drops] Pull up on Yvng Danny, Cut-Out your family, I know my daddy proud of me
My produce in your sister’s box, all these fuckin’ thots, get your bitch to shower me (Yuh)
You don’t want no smoke, this Long Island bloke put holes in your chest like Cheerio (Viral)
Can’t be caught by po-po, gunshots won’t blow, put the silencer on, you won’t hear me though
Call up my [muted] John. and we get it on, I ride that pink dick like a horse (Neigh)
I pull up to the Cheesecake Factory, they provide the pasta, the cash and the whores
I’m asking for nudes, girl, are you a school? I wanna shoot kids up inside of you (Pew pew pew)
[beat cuts out] If you got a man, show him Meme World stocks, girl, I won’t put up a fight for you (Stonks)
[beat comes back] That’s my gang in the back yelling “CrazySponge, CrazySponge”, you hear the chant (Gang, gang)
Gnarly dude, there’s a virus, how I be having them close time if I can’t?
An aspiring writer sent me their script, bitch, call me NotJoe, I skimmed it (SKIM)
Age of consent - 21 - but I make the laws, so I went ‘head and flipped it (Mr. Gus!)
Yvng Danny’s mom, had a threesome with John. then I hit his bitch on Monday
She sent me them explicit images just six days after, call that Picture Sunday
HOOPLA on your spouse, got me too aroused, forgive me for stains on the blouse
I never lose–
[CrazySponge suddenly gets crushed by a massive house.]
Category:2022
Category:JustInCaseTheDingusRunsAway
Category:2022 Episodes
Category:2022 Transcripts
Category:Episodes
Category:Episode transcripts
Category:Transcripts
Category:CrazySponge Died: The Series
Category:2020s