S07E16: The Gang Has Their Day in Court

== Previously on MCVFD ==
We have arrived at the Fenemar monitoring station (Delta?). The staff of this station were arrested and pressed into indentured servitude for illegal poaching in the forest of the Elven god of the hunt. We were at the station for mere minutes, sampling their waffle bar, when their head negotiator showed up and were super relieved to see us because the negotiations were going poorly.
Turns out the Elf Queen is playing some game that the Githzerai are really not suited to and he needs our help. He got us in for dinner with the queen that very night and we made our way to the Queen’s castle. While we were there, Kanye wandered off and met a dashing man with a silver suit, smoking outside. He tried to put-pocket it and the guy chose to misinterpret it as flirting.
We all made our way to the ballroom for dinner. While we were there, the court was milling around, gossiping, etc, and we ran a few games. Um managed to sneak into the back room and meet with one of the captured staff of the monitoring station, who confirmed they were in fact arrested and pressed into servitude (though they’re not mistreated). They said they were framed by someone in a really nice suit named Biggaboat Durden, he had been coming around the station and making friends, then invited them out to hunt a white stag. When they shot the stag, he disappeared and they were surrounded by unhappy elves.
Kanye went around the room put-pocketing playing cards into people’s pockets and/or cleavage??? Just kidding more like purses, they’re just in ball gowns that’s all. Um fails to put-pocket Biggaboat successfully, who notices and returns the card. Then Kanye used Command Zed, and there’s now a new rule that whoever Kanye points at, Nissa should bless. Um is now blessed, and succeeds what he believes is his first check to put-pocket a card into Biggaboat’s suit jacket.
The gang is seated for dinner at the Queen’s table. The queen is at the head, to her right is Chicka Chicka Slim Shady, followed by Nissa, Kanye, and Averlyth. On her left is Mr Durdun.
== Session ==
Dinner is being served, appetizers are being placed in front of everybody. Nissa is in her dress, presumably in a booster seat (what on earth is the etiquette here?? Maybe just taller chairs, presumably this is a solved problem).
Averlyth has turned her Cloak of Many Fashions in a very frilly black Cloak. Nissa is dressed nicely, but without her armor. Kanye is apparently wearing his power armor’s helmet and then a janitor’s suit; the combination is basically Daft Punk’s outfit. Kanye’s only capable of slurping through a straw right now.
Nissa straightens the ruffles on Averlyth’s Cloak, and simultaneously gives her Eagle’s Splendor, giving her advantage on Charisma checks. Everybody but Kanye notices that as we take our seats, the wait staff have shifted from carrying around trays of canapes to moving around the decorations in the room. Before it was set up like a ballroom, now it has been configured into more like a dining room. They’re bringing out potted pot plants, stuff like that.
Most of it is not very interesting, with one very notable exception: a rather striking display table is set up behind the Queen. Nestled on a black velvet cushion on top of the table is a large egg, the size of an ostrich egg, that looks like it contains a swirling star field aurora borealis. It’s a very attractive, fancy-looking thing.
We all realize this can only be a limbo egg.
Conversation around the table is starting up, the Queen is gossiping politely with Mr. Durdun. The negotiator is looking extremely awkward; it’s painfully clear he has no idea how to do small talk, or how to fit in in a formal dining setting.
Nissa begins loudly gossiping to Slim Shady about how she’s never seen Kanye smitten with anyone as much as he is with Mr. Durdun. The Queen is doing her best to not be extremely gossipy but is obviously extremely interested and is paying a lot of attention.
At first, Slim Shady is extremely confused and kinda upset. Then, he begins giving the worst performance we’ve ever seen. The Queen is absolutely paying attention, Mr. Durdun is pretending he can’t hear anything but he gives Kanye a wink.DM: Kanye, I need you to roll charisma to avoid being flustered when he winks
Kanye: Is this the negotiator winking or the dragon mask guy
DM: Dragon mask
Kanye: It can wink??Kanye suppresses a giggle and fans himself.Nissa: Did you just fail your check on purpose?The Queen is leaning fully across the negotiator to talk directly to Nissa, asking “When did they meet? Did they kiss yet? Did they kiss???”
Nissa pushes Slim Shady’s chair down, taking his spot. He looks for a moment like he wants to be offended, then we see him take a breath.
Nissa gossips to the Queen about how Kanye met Mr. Durdun while he was on a smoke break, and even gave one of his coasters, to (“you know”), give his intentions. The Queen just turns around and playfully tells Mr. Durdun “You didn’t tell me this!!”.
Nissa starts asking about Mr. Durdun, saying Kanye isn’t one to “kiss and tell”. The Queen doesn’t want to interrupt the gossip and answers on his behalf, saying he claims to be a living avatar of He Who Sleeps and that he’s killed a bunch of people. She starts flirting with Nissa, talking about how she has her own bong room.
The Queen is into Nissa, and she’s into the idea of Kanye and Durdun flirting, but she’s already getting bored, like she has the most severe case of ADHD. It’s hard to tell if all Fey are like this, or if it’s just her. We get the impression that anything can catch her attention, but it’ll be hard to keep it.
The Queen gestures to the waiters, have them clear out the appetizers and bring out the main dish.
Kanye stands up and gives cards to random members of the court + Mr Durdun. He then announces his thanks to Queen Maryjane for hosting this incredible event. He autotunes his voice with his helmet and he’s stumbling on a lot of his words, though he’s definitely keeping everyone’s attention.
Nissa starts playing background country music with her pocket lute as Kanye tells a story to go along with his magic trick. The story starts to drag a little bit, and then he asks someone to show their card… but he forgot to proclaim what the card was about to be. Averlyth has taken Kanye’s seat, scooching closer to the Queen.Kanye: As you see, the card is a Jack of…. Trees?The court member that pulled out the card plays along, talking about the woods. Nissa makes clop clop noises. Kanye keeps going with his story, then asks someone to show the card they had. It’s the wrong card.
Kanye hears a slow chuckle from behind the dragon mask, throwing him off his game a little.
Nissa notices the Queen interested with “whatever the fuck is happening with Kanye”. Averlyth has now pushed Slim Shady out of his seat so she’s on the other side of Nissa, and also tells the Queen that “trust me, this always happens and it gets crazier”.
Kanye keeps talking about the woods apparently, then asks the next court member to pull out the card from between the boobs?? The right card comes out from her cleavage, the woman plays it up to the crowd. Kanye feels like he’s starting to hit his stride.
There are 2 cards left - 1 on the crowd member, and 1 on Durdun. Kanye’s story has essentially devolved into a fantastical retelling of what happened with the kidnapped Githzerai and Mr. Durdun.
The Queen loudly whispers to Mr. Durdun, “I say, this is awfully similar to what the prisoners said you did to them!”
For his dramatic finale, Kanye asks the fancy man in the dragon mask to pull out a card from his waistband. The crowd is eating it up, the Queen is delighted, Mr. Durdun reaches into his belt and pulls out the card and then stands up, bowing to the crowd.
The Queen starts clapping, she stands up and everybody stands up, applauding and having a good time.
Just as the course is wrapping up (Kanye knows his timing), Nissa leans over to the Queen just as the joke is wrapping up and offers some future weed to the Queen out on the balcony. She tells everyone to carry on their conversation as she heads out for a quick safety meeting.
Nissa lights the joint with the end of her fingers and passes it over to the Queen.
Nissa: It’s interesting having such interesting companions, is it not?
The Queen can’t answer immediately because she’s coughing too hard.
Queen: My god, you said this is from the future??
The Queen says she appreciates the hit, but can tell Nissa didn’t ask her out onto the balcony just for weed. Nissa tries to convince the Queen that the Githzerai are boring, and asks why she’s “associating with them”. The Queen completely agrees that the Githzerai are not interesting and mentions they were imprisoned, they’re not associating with her. Turns out she totally knows Mr. Durdun tricked them and she doesn’t really care.
She has this way of talking about him where she’s well aware he’s a villain but doesn’t seem to think it’s a bad thing. She did say something along the lines of “she has her eyes on him”. The Queen goes back to flirting with Nissa.
Nissa then asks about the Limbo egg. The Queen says that being royalty means people give her things. Nissa asks why she brought it out today - turns out she brings it out every day, she loves how people look at it.
The Queen presses Nissa again for what she actually wants. We finally reveal that we want the Githzerai servants back, she guesses we might even want the Limbo egg (“and maybe even my other eggs”). She says she has an idea, then before Nissa has a chance to react, she’s hurried back in and announced to the court that she has something we want, and the only way to deal with it is a Contest of Champions.
When she announces those three words, suddenly we hear airhorns and see confetti above us. We look up and there is a catwalk up there where there are servants that have been waiting up there apparently. Slim Shady is face palming, apparently they do this all the time.
The Queen says we’ll be representing her in the Contest of Champions, and then Mr. Durdun says he’ll use the Flewtang Gang. The last time we ran into them, they were the crew of the pirate airship that ended up working for Captain Trey? They are a crew of adventurers and mercenaries and pirates, and the ones that walk out we mostly recognize. The court herald runs over to the door and quickly announces them.
Blowface Killa walks out looking like an angry avocado in a suit, and a whole suite of familiar faces come out.
Very quickly, the court breaks up. The Queen blows Nissa a kiss saying she’ll see us tomorrow and that she has complete faith in us. Chicka Chicka Slim Shady quickly escorts us back to the suite of rooms we’re staying in. He immediately collapses facepalming about “this Fey bullshit she does every few weeks”.
Contest of Champions consists of 12 randomly chosen rounds, she’s got a fishbowl thing with a whole bunch of things in it. It’s half combat, half goofball shit that the court thinks is funny. Wrestling one minute, next is an etiquette challenge. Rules feel like they’re made up, you get a deck of cards that lets you change the rules as you go. If you win, she’ll do exactly what she says. If you lose, this’ll probably be the end of negotiations.
Slim Shady asks what we negotiated for out on the balcony: in hindsight, we basically asked for the Githzerai slaves as well as the Limbo egg and maybe a date with her? Slim Shady noticed that we recognized the Flewtang Gang, asks if we were on good terms with them. He guesses they want something and Durdun has offered it to them.
He tells us that we need to not only win, but win in an entertaining way. It’s almost better to lose in an entertaining manner than to win in a boring way.
Averlyth questions what the rules on magic are. Sounds like it might fly as long as it’s entertaining; Averlyth is thinking about prepping some glyphs so other members of the team can cast interesting spells during the contest.Kanye: I wasn’t sure how fey court was going to work, but I was pretty sure it wasn’t going to make any sense…