WoW Blog/Major Payne's Advanced Pet Battles Training

This article is a copy of a set of official blogs referred to as "Major Payne's Advanced Pet Battles Training", by Blizzard Entertainment. It's about various Battle pet trainers.
==Articles==
====Zunta====
Congratulations, maggots—err, tamers! You’ve survived a year of basic training, amassed a veritable army of pets, and now it’s time to move you into the advanced course and apply your tactical training against other tamers out in the wide, wide world. If you thought some of my challenges were easy before, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet! Nothin’, I say!!
Your target this week is Zunta, an aspiring pet tamer who neglected to train under my watch . . . so now you’re going to teach him the lesson he deserves. He’s a troll who hangs out in Durotar just south of Orgrimmar, and he’s got two measly little pets that resemble the goo still stuck to the bottom of my boots. Crruunnncchh!!
The two meager minions in question are Mumtar and Spike. Mumtar is a Critter, and as you most certainly already know, Critters are generally strong against Undead and weak against Humanoid. They also have bonus defense when facing an Elemental and weak defense when facing a Beast. Spike is—ironically enough—a Beast, and he will generally be strong against Critters and weak against Flying. Spike’s defense is strongest when facing a Humanoid, and weakest when facing a Mechanical foe. Well isn’t that special?!
Wait, I don’t need to waste my own breath on this stuff—I’ve got underlings to do that. Let’s bring in Mr. Crithto to give you the details of your assignment.
:Crithto: You’ve done enough laps around Pandaria and hikes over snow-covered mountains, so how you get to Zunta doesn’t matter. He only has two pets, so your assignment this week is to face off against him using no more than two pets of your own. Also, his pets are level 2, so you must pick two pets that are no higher than level 1. And to make this even more interesting, you can only use Flying, Mechanical, or Beast pets on your team. Your job is to defeat Zunta with both pets still alive, scoff at his lack of Payne-ingrained strategy, and then report back here. Each K.O.-ed pet on your team will mean 100 pushups, so don’t screw up!
You might be thinking this is a fairly easy exercise. For me it is, but for you it’s your first step toward becoming a Master Tamer like me. Which you’re not! And don’t even think for one second you can cheese Crithto’s orders, because they also happen to be my orders. And it’s just a small taste of what’s to come in Major Payne’s Advanced Pet Battles Training.
WELCOME TO THE DARK SIDE OF MY WORLD, KIDDOS! IT’S GONNA BE A BUMPY RIDE!
Come join the discussion about this pet in our Pet Battles forum. You can also learn more about Zunta by visiting Wowhead.com, and details about Pet Battles by visiting WarcraftPets.com.Zunta: Official Site | Archive Link
----
====Julia Stevens====
How 'bout that! It seems your first Advanced Pet Battles Training assignment went well for some of you. For others, don’t think I didn’t see you cheat on your assignment by using high-level pets to take on Zunta. You will pay for your insolence! Just not right now. I’m a bit too busy to melt your face, but you will pay—that you can count on.
Your next assignment is to find the oh-so-innocent-looking Julia Stevens in Elwynn Forest. She’s another aspiring pet tamer who likes to introduce new recruits to Pet Battles by having her two cronies eat their pets while the poor tamer looks on in shock and disbelief. Don’t let her angelic presence fool you—she’s no slouch when it comes to controlling her beasts. And why did it have to be snakes?!
You’re well aware of how repulsed I am by sidewinding reptiles, so it’s imperative you pay close attention to what I’m about to tell you. Stevens has two Beast pets on her team: Fangs and Slither. Both are generally weak to Mechanical attacks and struggle to do reasonable damage against Flying. They are, however, especially strong against Critters. That’s why Crithto is here—he’s going to explain the specifics of your assignment. Listen to the pug, and no cheating this time!!
:Crithto: Julia Stevens is located near the Maclure Vineyards in southern Elwynn Forest, just east of Fargodeep Mine. If you’re in the Horde and worried about the long trek, save your whimpering for someone else. Once you arrive, you’re to engage Stevens in a battle and not return until you’re triumphant. And to ensure your skills are thoroughly tested, you’re only allowed to use two level-1 pets, both of them Critters. If you don’t have any, go get some!
Simple enough, right? Keep in mind, while these first assignments may seem easy, they’re still important. As you’ll see in the coming weeks, some of these tamers are quite difficult. Heck, so many of you cried after facing me, I’ve been able to fill a secret swimming pool under Icecrown with your tears! Here, have a tissue.
NOW MAKE LIKE A TREE AND GET OUTTA HERE!
Come join the discussion about this encounter in our Pet Battles forum. You can also learn more about Julia Stevens by visiting Wowhead.com, and details about Pet Battles by visiting WarcraftPets.com.Julia Stevens: Official Site | Archive Link
----
====Old MacDonald====
Old MacDonald had a farm, Teensy, Clucks, and Foe.
And on that farm he beat your team; aren’t you thankful, no!
With a Scratch, Scratch here, and a Peck, Squawk there,
Here a tear, there a tear, everywhere a robot gear,
Old MacDonald had a farm, Teensy, Clucks, and Foe!
Bet you can’t guess where you’re headed this week! And better yet, this Master Pet Tamer has a team of three who are sure to give your pets a serious challenge. I told you you’d pay for your insolence!
Firm, but fair; that’s what my pop used to tell me. And in keeping with this philosophy, you don’t have to start your crying in front of me just yet. But you should take a moment to narrow your focus. My training doesn’t get any easier as we go along, so once again, pay close attention to my pugtastic partner!
:Crithto: You’re headed to Westfall, tamers. In the northernmost part of the zone along the road, you’ll find Old MacDonald and his tear-inducing team of pets: Teensy, Clucks, and Foe Reaper 800. (Revel in the fact you’re not facing the 900 model!) Given the pet families MacDonald’s team represents, your task is take him on with three of your own pets. But before you cheer with glee, you must use a team that consists of one Undead, one Aquatic, and one Magic--in that order. None of these pets can be higher than level 2, but at least you can rejoice in the fact that I was able to convince Payne to let you have a Magic. Hint, hint: pet quality could mean the difference between victory and bitter defeat!
Yes, okay, I let you have a Magic pet on your team, but you’re still not off the hook for cheating! For those who didn’t cheat, well, you’re just gonna have to show your fellow tamers how we get things done.
E-I-E-I-GO!!
Come join the discussion about this encounter in our Pet Battles forum. You can also learn more about Old MacDonald by visiting Wowhead.com, and details about Pet Battles by visiting WarcraftPets.com.Old MacDonald: Official Site | Archive Site
----
====Dagra the Fierce====
High atop the mountain next to Thorn Hill is a vicious orc woman named Dagra . . . Dagra the Fierce. Frankly, her team didn’t seem very fierce when it faced my crew of deadly mongrels, but I can confirm she’s got a wicked right cross. I do not recommend flirting with her.
Throughout her years in Northern Barrens, she’s tamed a collection of creatures that might make you think you’re at a petting zoo—but these wildlings are nothing to be trifled with if you’re not properly trained and prepared. There’s Longneck, a Beast; Springtail, a Critter; and Ripper, another Beast. One time, I watched a young tamer get too close to Longneck and attempt to pet it. Let’s just say I hope he didn’t need the leg that went comically tumbling down the mountain. Yes, I pointed and laughed. What of it?!
She’s your target, tamers! Let’s bring in Captain Crithto to dish out the details of this exercise.
:Crithto: Oh boy, captain! No, wait, I think Payne might be having fun with alliteration. Sigh . . . OK, tamers, Dagra the Fierce. As the major said, she’s in the Northern Barrens on top of the mountain adjacent to Thorn Hill. For this exercise, you’re going to need three pets on your team, all of them level 2, and you’re only allowed to use a Humanoid, an Elemental, and a Flying pet. Once again, Payne’s agreed to let you have one pet that grants you an advantage until you start to get a feel for the different encounters. Same as last time, be conscious of the pet quality on your team. And yes, do not flirt with Dagra. She’s mean!
I’m beginning to see some promise in you people. Bear in mind, I didn’t care much for the obscenity-laced parchments you mailed me about your training against Julia Stevens, but Crithto’s been tenacious in buffering my wrath. Don’t think I’m letting up, though! We might be tip-toeing through some of these teams, but it’s going to get a whole lot harder very, very soon.
GET A MOVE ON BEFORE I RIGHT-CROSS YOU!!
Come join the discussion about this encounter in our Pet Battles forum. You can also learn more about Dagra the Fierce by visiting Wowhead.com, and details about Pet Battles by visiting WarcraftPets.com.Dagra the Fierce: Official Site | Archive Link
----
====Lindsay====
My scouts report that some of you were none too happy to be slapped around by Dagra. Bwahahaha!!
What, was the big scary orc lady too mean to you? Did you too lose a limb and have it comically tumble down the mountain? Well suck it up, tamer! Your petty concerns mean nothing to me, and they certainly won’t change my goal of making you a champion. I whip my arms back and forth!
However, I’m not without a smidgen of heart, so why don’t you head to Redridge Mountains and find my little friend Lindsay? She’s cute, she’s got pigtails with pink bows, and she takes care of a little herd of bunnies that are sure to warm your heart. As they slay your team!
Bring it, pug.
:Crithto: Don’t let Lindsay’s adorable presence deter you from accomplishing your mission. Rabbits are some of the fastest Critters you will face in Pet Battles, so her ability to quickly take out your team is nothing to scoff at. You’ll be facing off against Dipsy, Flipsy, and Flufftail, and for this challenge you’ll need to assemble a team of two level-4 pets and one level-5 pet. The level-4 pets can be either Undead or Elemental, and your level-5 pet can be either Humanoid or Beast. Keep them in this order, and see if you can best Lindsay. Don’t come crying to me if you end up feeling really, really sorry for defeating her!
Simple enough, right? Or are you scared of a little girl, too?! Granted, killing her bunnies is a really mean thing to do, but Pet Battles aren’t just about family, they’re also about speed and team composition. One final caveat: winning is going to feel like losing.
GET OVER IT!!
Come join the discussion about this encounter in our Pet Battles forum. You can also learn more about Lindsay by visiting Wowhead.com, and details about Pet Battles by visiting WarcraftPets.com.Lindsay: Official Site | Archive Link
----
====Analynn====
The question of what would happen if the Unstoppable Force collided with the Immovable Object has weighed on men’s minds for eons. But I have the answer: It doesn’t matter! These things just are because they are. It’s like trying to ponder why gnomes are perfect for punting. Knock it off—they just are!
Much the same, your training mission this week is what it is. Yes, I understand a few of you were saddened to take on a cute little girl whose dead bunnies now litter the hillside in Redridge, and you’re now paying the consequences of your ruthless and heartless actions. Aren’t you the sensitive type! This time, though, there is no story or reasoning—Analynn is an acquaintance, and she’s more than ready to help train you.
OK, I’m not being completely honest. I’ve known Analynn for a fair amount of time, but her smile is really, really creepy. No, seriously, it’s creepy like whoa! A few months ago, I was riding through the area when I heard, “Dark Lady watch over you.” The craggy voice made me and my mighty steed stop dead in our tracks. I looked over and there was Analynn, smiling at me with her rotten mouth, worm-filled teeth, and all . . . barf!!
That’s when I noticed she had a team of pets, and I thought, what sweeter revenge could there be for her stomach-churning grin than to send my able-bodied tamers to take her on? Crithto!
:Crithto: Put on your rose-tinted sunglasses, tamers—you’re headed to the west side of Ashenvale! There you’ll find Analynn and her team—Mister Pinch, Oozer, and Flutterby—awaiting your arrival. For this training exercise, your team is to consist of a level-4 Elemental, a level-4 Undead, and a level-5 Beast in that order. Be conscious of your team’s quality and abilities, and see if you can’t turn that creepy smile into a marginally less creepy frown!
Simple, right? And yes, it’s perfectly acceptable to offer her a mint or two or five.
BE QUICK ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS!
Come join the discussion about this encounter in our Pet Battles forum. You can also learn more about Analynn by visiting Wowhead.com, and details about Pet Battles by visiting WarcraftPets.com.Analynn: Official Site | Archive Link
----
====Eric Davidson====
How cool would it be to delve into the history of the worgen—to research the heroics of Lo’Gosh, the influence of the Scythe of Elune, and the origins of the worgens’ mysterious curse? Well, this ain’t history class, so that’s exactly what we’re not gonna do!
Are you mad? Bark at the moon!
My fanged pal Eric Davidson hangs out in Duskwood, where he’s tamed a vicious team of creepy spiders. Once a pupil of mine, he’s come into his own and has acquired a newfound confidence in his quest to become a Master Pet Tamer. As fascinating as you think the history of his kin might be, Eric’s not interested in having his ancestry researched. He’s far more anxious to help you train while his team of eight-legged beasties injects their venom into your pets’ faces. Dissolving your insides one organ at a time!
Now that Crithto is back from the Stormwind vet (he doesn’t want you to know he had worms), he’s here to give you the lowdown on this week’s training assignment. You’re up, pugly!
:Crithto: For the record, I did not have worms. No matter, let’s stay focused, shall we? This week you’re off to Duskwood, where you need to find Eric Davidson. He’s located in Raven Hill Cemetery and has a team of three level-7 spiders named Webwinder, Blackfang, and Darkwidow. Now, these arachnids are Beasts, so to keep things challenging, your team will need to include a level-6 Flying, a level-6 Mechanical, and a level-7 Critter or Humanoid—so you’re not overwhelmed, of course. Remember, if your team’s not blue, don’t come back to us with your QQ!
Crithto and his puns . . . fun stuff, right? OK, before you set off, one word of warning: do not make light of the fact that Eric has fleas. He hates fleas, and he hates being reminded he has fleas even more! If he starts to sniff and scratch, just make a comment about his crimson-stained teeth. He likes it when folks notice his smile.
HAVE A DOGGONE GOOD TIME!
Come join the discussion about this encounter in our Pet Battles forum. You can also learn more about Eric Davidson by visiting Wowhead.com and get more details about Pet Battles by visiting WarcraftPets.com.Eric Davidson: Official Site | Archive Link
----
====Zonya the Sadist====
The sultry voice of Zonya can be mesmerizing, but her sadistic ways are the stuff of legend. It’s rumored she used to pull the feelers off beetles in Orgrimmar when she was a kid so she could watch them wander in confusion while they screamed in pain. I’ve also heard that the reason Swiftmane runs around Northern Barrens like a rabid chicken is because of something horrible the zhevra witnessed Zonya doing to the other animals in the area. Let’s just say she’s not very nice!
When I’ve challenged her in the past, she wasn’t too gracious in defeat—and I have the scars to prove it. Zonya’s someone I wouldn’t want to mess with unless I absolutely had to, and that’s why I’m sending you to pay her a visit. Stop your pouting!
Crithto is here to tell you more about this Master Pet Tamer who probably won’t react well to losing.
:Crithto: Zonya the Sadist can be found in Stonetalon Mountains along the Webwinder Path. She’s off to the side of the road not far from Krom’gar Fortress, south from Windshear Hold. Befitting her demeanor, she has an intimidating team consisting of Constrictor, a Beast; Odoron, a Critter; and Acidous, also a Beast. In order to make sure you continue to understand pet family strengths and weaknesses, your team will consist of a level-6 Humanoid, a level-6 Elemental, and a level-7 Critter in that order. Hopefully I don’t need to remind you about the rarity of your team. Also, it’s advised that if you happen to win, just run—run like the wind!
Years ago, I met a fortuneteller named Tia Dalma who asked for payment before she’d tell my fortune. In response, I gave her an undead monkey. She liked it, but she also didn’t care much for my incredible confidence. Ignoring that hex she put on me, my encounter with Tia reminds me of Zonya, except Zonya is a bit less charming . . . and a lot more dangerous.
You look worried.
GOOD LUCK!!
Come join the discussion about this encounter in our Pet Battles forum. You can also learn more about Zonya the Sadist by visiting Wowhead.com and get more details about Pet Battles by visiting WarcraftPets.com.Zonya the Sadist: Official Link | Archive Link
----
====Steven Lisbane====
I think it’s time to take things up a notch. You’ve been doing pretty well against Master Pet Tamers who are still a little wet behind the ears, but as you work your way up to more experienced individuals, things are gonna get tougher! Are you ready?!
Granted, your next challenge isn’t too much of a leap from previous challenges—but that’s because you’re still wet behind the ears, too. Your look of disapproval means nothing to me!
Steven Lisbane is a hulk of a man with a deceptively polite demeanor. He resides in Northern Stranglethorn along the road between the Kal’ai Ruins and Lake Nazferiti, where weary travelers heading to the Cape or attempting to escape a Murkgill Warrior will often encounter him. Steven relishes a spirited duel; he also likes to eat live snakes using a knife and fork with his pinkie finger extended. Such exquisite manners! I think I just grossed myself out!
You’re up, Mr. Pug!
:Crithto: The word from our scouts is Steven Lisbane might seem like a nice fellow, but he also enjoys doing things that are pretty heinous when no one’s looking. In fact, during a recent trip he took to Stormwind, he kicked me in the shins—so pardon me if I seem overly eager to watch you take him and his team down. You’ll face Moonstalker, a level-9 Beast; Nanners, a level-9 Beast; and Emeralda, a level-9 Magic. We don’t want you to walk all over him, so your team will consist of a level-8 Humanoid, a level-8 Critter, and a level-9 Dragonkin. Like they say, “Roses are red, your team is blue,” and that’s all I got!
While you’re down there, you might want to try hunting down a Razzashi Hatchling. According to my friend Amelia, they’re super cute . . . whatever that means.
D’AWW . . . BEAT IT!!
Come join the discussion about this encounter in our Pet Battles forum. You can also learn more about Steven Lisbane by visiting Wowhead.com and get more details about Pet Battles by visiting WarcraftPets.com.Steven Lisbane: Official Site | Archive Link
----
====Merda Stronghoof====
Line up and pay attention! Every single training mission I send you on seems to end with me being inundated by cooing over how cute all the tamers’ pets are. Knock it off!
How many times do I need to tell you their looks are purely meant to deceive you? OK, I’ll give you some credit: Moonstalker is pretty awesome, and if I bothered to get myself a kitty, I’d want that one. But this doesn’t make it OK for you to lose your focus! The goal here is to mold you into Master Pet Tamers that are far more advanced, far more talented, and far more capable than the ones you encounter on Azeroth. Far more better!!
Next up is Merda Stronghoof, and her team is ugly. So ugly, in fact, that there isn’t a snowball’s chance in Molten Core that you’ll be a bunch of deer in goblin headlights when you confront them. You like my analogy, don’t ya?!
Bring on the info, Mr. Crithto.
:Crithto: Deep within the Cenarion Wildlands in Desolace, you’ll find Ms. Stronghoof near a place called Karnum’s Glade. Her team is made up of Bounder, a level-9 Aquatic; Ambershell, a level-9 Elemental; and Rockhide, a level-9 Critter. Each one has its strengths and weaknesses, and for this mission, you’re going to need to be on your toes! Payne has instructed me to inform you that your team cannot have a pet higher than level 8. Rare quality has never been more important, so be sure to choose wisely. Your lineup will be a level-8 Undead, a level-8 Mechanical, and a level-8 Elemental in that order. Report back here once you’ve succeeded!
Yes, your training is gonna get a lot harder—I warned you people last week, so you can save your crying for Mankrik’s wife.
MOVE OUT!!
Come join the discussion about this encounter in our Pet Battles forum. You can also learn more about Merda Stronghoof by visiting Wowhead.com and get more details about Pet Battles by visiting WarcraftPets.com.Merda Stronghoof: Official Site | Archive Link
----
====Bill Buckler====
It’s come to my attention that a certain rowdy wannabe pirate has been mocking his fellow Master Pet Tamers for their failed efforts at defeating my trainees. Quoted insults that my sources have provided me include, “Ye be a bunch o’ blubbering bilge rats!” and “Me mum has pets that be better than y’arrrrrs!” This will not be tolerated. Arr, not tolerated, savvy?!
The following missive has been sent to this lout as a gentle reminder that you will soon be showing him the error of his ways:
:PIRATE WANNABE BILL BUCKLER
:CAPE OF STRANGLETHORN
:TRANSLATED FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE: SENDIN’ ME TRAINEES TA YE LOCATION SO THEY CAN ANSWER YER RECENT INSULTS. AVAST, THEY BE A DETERMINED BUNCH O’ TAMERS READY TA INTRODUCE YE TA HUMILITY. YARR, GET READY TA FEEL TH’ PAIN. PAIN I SAYS!
Me first mate, Crithto, has more.
:Crithto: Bill Buckler can be found not far from Booty Bay along the southern coast of the Cape of Stranglethorn, standing next to the shore beside a lone palm tree—he’s pretty hard to miss. While Payne doesn’t tolerate in-fighting among other Master Pet Tamers and wishes for you to quell this issue, this is still a training exercise, so it’s imperative that you bring your A game. Buckler’s minions are Burgle, a level-11 Humanoid; Eyegouger, a level-11 Flying; and Young Beaky, another level-11 Flying. Your mission, which you have no choice but to accept, is to form a team consisting of a level-10 Dragonkin, a level-10 Beast, and a level-10 Aquatic in that order. Once you’re succeeded, please feel free to toss Buckler a few insults of your own.
I once encountered a true pirate named Blackheart while spearfishing in Icecrown. You know what he told me? “I’ll be damned if I accept yer surrender or surrender to ye!” Then he died.
You’d be wise to heed his final words.
WEIGH ANCHOR AND GET MOVIN’, YE SCALLYWAGS!
Come join the discussion about this encounter in our Pet Battles forum. You can also learn more about Merda Stronghoof by visiting Wowhead.com and get more details about Pet Battles by visiting WarcraftPets.com.Bill Buckler: Official Site | Archive Link
==Sources==
Category:WoW Blogs