Branchception/Transcript

The following is a transcript for the episode "Branchception".
== ==
(The camera moves through the grass and Branch kneels down. He takes a sample of mud with his finger.)
Branch: Mud. Not helpful. (He spits the mud out.) But those tracks are! (He picks up a stick and runs out of the grass.) Wahoo! For days this mystery critter has evaded me, Gary. It’s headed right for one of my… (He hears his traps making noises.) … traps! Ha! We got him! We finally got the… (He sees Poppy and her friends trapped in a net and grumbling.) Trolls? What? How did this happen?
Cooper: Well, we were having a drum circle, then bam, nothing but net.
Poppy: That’s right, because someone put traps in the Don’t Put Your Traps Here Zone!
Cooper: I came up with that name. It is not catchy. (laughs)
Poppy: We talked about your trap-setting problem many times, Branch. It’s why we had that intervention. (We go to a flashback.)
Past Branch: Guys, I don’t have a trap-setting problem. (Poppy and her friends get trapped in nets.)
Past Guy Diamond: Mm. (He screams as a net captures him. Then we go back to the present.)
Branch: This is different! I’ve discovered the tracks of a new, potentially hazardous critter in the village.
Poppy: (groans) You’re always finding crazy reasons to add more defenses!
Branch: Well, you’re always finding reasons to say my reasons are crazy!
Poppy: Because true friends are supposed to tell you that you’re crazy when you’re acting crazy!
Branch: Oh, yeah?! Well, you’re-
All: Branch, get us out of this net! (gasp) Our frustration with Branch has united us. Aw! (They hug each other. Branch presses a button on Gary and they are free from the net.)
Poppy: Now, for the last time, go around the village and dismantle all of your illicit traps, Branch. (She and her friends play their drums.)
Branch: Fine. For the record, you’re all making a huge mistake.
Poppy: You guys hear something? Because I sure can’t! (Branch grumbles. Then he goes to disarm his traps.)
Branch: Disarm my traps? I mean, sure, my traps may be a little inconvenient… (He throws a rock and another trap eats it.) … but it’s not like they’re dangerous. (He throws a log and it lands on an X, causes a huge rock to crush it along with a safe.) The point is, we need them. I just wish they would see I’m right about that and start showing me a little appreciation. (A red tentacle creature is seen spying on him.) Huh? (The creature screeches and attacks him. His screaming can be heard. He then wakes up in his bed.) Just a bad dream. But that creature looked… familiar? (He takes out a book about creatures.) Better check my book of strange creatures. (Just as he opens the book, he hears knocking.) What the…? (He opens the door outside.) Hello? (Poppy appears with a megaphone along with her friends and a crowd of Trolls.)
Poppy: How many Trolls here like Branch? I said, how many Trolls here like Branch?! (She begins to sing.)
(Poppy)
You are the most fantastic
It’s so cute when you’re sarcastic
We’re so enthusiastic
‘Cause you’re so incredible
You handle things so smartly
Maybe you don’t like to party
But you’re a one-man army
And you’re indispensable
Mr. Incredible, he’s so indispensable
We went out and wrote him a song
(Glitter Trolls)
Whoa, whoa, whoa-oh
(Poppy)
Mr. Incredible, he’s so indispensable
We went out and wrote him a song
Whoa, whoa, whoa-oh
We’re here to celebrate you
Branch: Guys? Guys!
(Poppy)
And all the good that you do-
Branch: GUYS! Uh… What’s going on?
Guy Diamond: Uh… We’re celebrating you.
Poppy: (Snapping her fingers with the Glitter Trolls) 2, 3, 4!
(Poppy)
Mr. Incredible, he’s so indispensable
We went out and wrote him a song
Branch: Hey, hey, hey! I can see that you’re celebrating me, but why are you celebrating me? Aren’t you still mad at me about my traps?
Poppy: Mad at you about your traps? (She and her friends laugh.)
Smidge: Oh, my Guh, Branch! I’ve always respected you, but I didn’t know you were hilarious, too!
Branch: You all are acting very weird. You seriously were mad at me. (The crowd continues to laugh at him. Poppy kneels down and Guy Diamond does some glitter farts. An annoyed Branch folds his arms.)
Poppy: Wait, wait, wait. Branch, has no-one told you what happened?
Branch: Told me what happened?
Poppy: Come with me. (She takes Branch by the arm.) As it turns out, last night, one of your traps caught this. (She reveals Toby dancing.)
Toby: All right!
Poppy: No. No, not Toby. (chuckles) My bad. What you caught is right… (A group of Trolls is taking pictures of a captured Growl Beast.)
Branch: A Growl Beast? But I thought I took down all of my traps.
Poppy: Apparently not. And now your safety skills are revered throughout the village.
Troll #1: Hey, it’s Branch! (He and the rest of the group run over to Branch.) You are a true inspiration!
Troll #2: Branch, we solute the work you’ve done to protect us. Ready, aim, glitter! (Three Glitter Trolls fart glitter.) Ready, aim, glitter! (They do it again while two Trolls take pictures of Branch.) Ready, aim, glitter! (Poppy and her friends join Branch as the Glitter Trolls march off.)
Guy Diamond: The 21-butt salute. Our highest honor.
Branch: (Shaking his head) Whoa, whoa, whoa! OK, something’s up here. Ever since I woke up, the whole world’s gotten very bizarre.
Poppy: Bizarre bad?
Branch: Yes! Well, no, it’s pretty fantastic, actually. But I’m telling you, Poppy, you made me dismantle all my traps, remember? Or was that part of my dream, too?
Poppy: (Putting her arms in the air) That explains it! You must have dreamt it.
Branch: I suppose that makes sense.
Poppy: Now, come on! Relax and enjoy this. Branch, you saved us all by catching a predator!
Branch: Yeah. Yeah, I guess I did. (A Mama Cuddle Pup appears roaring and Poppy and her friends scream. Luckily, it gets caught in another trap.)
Poppy: Correction- two predators! (The Trolls cheer and another Mama Cuddle Pup gets caught.)
Cooper: No, three! (Another Growl Beast gets trapped.)
Smidge: 4!
Biggie: 5!
Guy Diamond: 6!
Poppy: 7! (Branch gasps and the crowd cheers for him. Poppy uses a microphone.) All right, Branch fans, it’s time to hear from the guest of honor, the Troll whose traps caught 157 predators today- (Another predator gets trapped.) … and counting, BRANCH!!!
All: Branch! Branch! Branch! Branch! (A smile comes to Branch.)
Biggie: I love you, Branch!
Branch: Thank you. I love you, too. But I still want to date other people. (The crowd laughs.) No, no, no. Seriously, though, I got to be very real here. Today started very strange, and it was hard for me to get past it, but ever since I did, I’ve felt like the most appreciated Troll in town.
All: Aw!
Cooper: You the best, Branch!
Branch: Thank you. I have so many people to thank. First and foremost, my remote control, Gary.
Gary: Thanks, Dad! (Branch gasps and throws him on the ground.)
Branch: Gary, did you just speak?!
Gary: Sure did! Why do you ask?
Branch: Oh, my word.
All: Hm?
Branch: Uh… Hello? Are you guys not hearing the talking inanimate object?
Poppy: Of course we do. So what? Lots of inanimate objects can speak.
Cooper’s Hat: Yeah, Branch. Lots of us can speak.
Smidge’s Drum: And we all think you’re great!
All: You’re great! You’re great!
Branch: What in the world?!
All: You’re great! You’re great!
Branch: No! Hey, stop that! Something weird is happening. Ever since that… (gasps) That creature. (He remembers the creature attacking him.) I’ve got to get to my research at my bunker! (He takes Gary from Poppy.)
Poppy: Wait! No, Branch! We’re not finished adoring you!
All: Come back! (Branch runs to his room and picks up his book. Then he finds the creature that attacked him.)
Branch: A Dream Sucker! “This dangerous critter puts you to sleep and administers ideal dreams.” I knew I recognized that creature. “The only way for one to escape is to shock oneself awake, or rick being trapped in the dream permanently.” (gasps) No! I’m… I’m… in a dream?!
Poppy: Well, well, well. You figured it out. You’re smart!
The Snack Pack: Wow!
Smidge, Cooper, and Biggie: You’re smart!
Biggie: Wait. How did you guys get in-
Poppy: (Jumping in the air) 1, 2, 3, 4! (She starts singing and the Snack Pack dances.)
(Poppy)
Mr. Incredible, he’s so indispensable
Branch: ENOUGH! (The Snack Pack falls to the ground.) Let me out of this dream right now!
Poppy: But why would you want to leave? Here, life can be anything you want.
Creek: (Appearing with a bug carrying him) That’s right, Branch. Here, you can make everyone finally see me as the manipulative Troll I am.
All: Get out of here, Creek!
Creek: (sighs) I deserve that.
Cooper: And here in the dream world, you can also do this! (He turns the room upside down.)
Branch: Whoa! Why would I want to do that?
Cooper: (laughs) You wouldn’t. Oh, it’s very impractical. (Branch and the Snack Pack float off the floor. Branch yells as the Snack Pack laughs.)
Poppy: Unlike your friends in the real world, here we value every single thing you do and we always think you’re right.
The Snack Pack: (Holding drums) Yeah, always! (They start playing their drums.)
Branch: you can’t mean that. What about when I’m wrong?
The Snack Pack: That’s when you’re most right.
Branch: What? What if I told you to eat your drum?
Cooper: Anything for you, Branch!
Drum: No, no, no! (Cooper takes a bite from it.
Branch: No! Don’t! Stop! You’re not actually my friends. You’re just doing or saying whatever it takes to keep me here, aren’t you? (He yells as he falls back into his room while Poppy floats down.)
Poppy: Of course not, Branch. Why would you even say that?
The Snack Pack: Yeah, Branch, why?
Branch: Because true friends tell you you’re crazy when you’re acting crazy.
Poppy: Well then, it sounds like there’s no way we can convince you to stay… so we’ll just have to make you stay with never-ending hugs!
The Snack Pack: Hugs!
Branch: Wait! No, you are not real! This isn’t real. You are not my friends! Wait. This isn’t real, so I can do things that aren’t teal. (He flies into the air.) See you around, dream suckers! (Poppy and her friends carry their drums and fly.)
The Snack Pack: Hugs! Hugs! Hugs! Hugs! Hugs! (Branch flies out of his bunker and into the sky that has pink and purple clouds.)
Branch: The book said that in order to escape, I have to shock myself awake. Any idea how, Gary?
Gary: No! Why would you want to do a thing like that?
The Snack Pack: Hugs! Hugs!
Branch: Come on! What’s shocking enough to free me from the dream? (He smacks himself and sees Poppy and her friends. He then moves left and right.) Gary, I can’t shake them! I don’t want them to…
The Snack Pack: Hugs! Hugs!
Gary: I don’t like that look in your eye.
Branch: (With tears in his eyes) I’m sorry, Gar. I have to.
Gary: Don’t Dad. Think of all the things we could do together. We could go have a catch!
Branch: You don’t have arms.
Gary: Or you could show me how to ride a bike!
Branch: No. This isn’t real! This isn’t real!
Gary: Or we could make a lemonade stand and- (He is then thrown down by Branch. He screams as he falls from the sky. Branch finally wakes up.)
Branch: GARYYYYYY!!! (He finds Gary next to him and picks him up.) Gary. Phew! (He then puts Gary in his vest. The Dream Sucker is then heard.) Huh? Uh-huh! (The Dream Sucker jumps off his head and jumps away.)
Poppy: Branch? Hey, Branch! (She runs to Branch.) There you are. Sorry about coming down on you earlier. I know that you were only trying to keep us safe. And even though I may not always agree with you… I always value you.
Branch: Value me? Even if I told you to eat a drum?
Poppy: Eat a drum?! Are you crazy? (Branch gives her a hug.) Huh?
Branch: That’s all I wanted to hear. Now, to business. There really is a mystery critter on the loose, and we’ve got to find him, or who knows who it will go after next. (Meanwhile, Biggie is in a dream jumping in the air.)
Biggie: (laughs) Oh! Dreams really do come true! (The camera reveals that he is trapped in a dream world of many Mr. Dinkles.)
Mr. Dinkles: Meep. Meep. Meep.
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