List of chalkboard gags

The following is a list of chalkboard gags seen on The Simpsons.
==Season 1==
# 	Airdate/Episode Title 	Screenshot	Chalkboard Gag/Note
1 	December 17, 1989"Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire"	 	(no gag)
2 	January 14, 1990"Bart the Genius" 	 	I will not waste chalk. In using chalk to write said line so many times, Bart is ironically, wasting chalk.
3 	January 21, 1990"Homer's Odyssey" 	 	I will not skateboard in the halls. Bart immediately breaks this rule as soon as the bell rings, as he is shown skateboarding in the school every time in the intro.
4 	January 28, 1990"There's No Disgrace Like Home" 	 	I will not burp in class.
5 	February 4, 1990"Bart the General" 	 	(no gag)Shortened opening
6 	February 11, 1990"Moaning Lisa" 	 	I will not instigate revolution.
7 	February 18, 1990"The Call of the Simpsons" 	 	I will not draw naked ladies in class. This reused for Bart the Daredevil in the VHS Version.
8 	February 25, 1990"The Telltale Head" 	 	I did not see Elvis.This was a reference to a rumor that Elvis Presley was not dead; this gag accidentally appeared during the airport scene in Home Alone.
9 	March 18, 1990"Life on the Fast Lane" 	 	(no gag)Shortened opening
10	March 25, 1990"Homer's Night Out" 	 	I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes".
11	April 15, 1990"The Crepes of Wrath" 	 	Garlic gum is not funny.
12	April 29, 1990"Krusty Gets Busted" 	 	They are laughing at me, not with me.
13	May 13, 1990"Some Enchanted Evening" 	 	I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom. This was originally going to be the first chalkboard gag.
==Season 2==
# 	Airdate/Episode Title 	Screenshot	Chalkboard Gag/Note
14	October 11, 1990"Bart Gets an "F"" 	 	I will not encourage others to fly.
14	October 11, 1990"Bart Gets an "F"" 	 	(And during the episode: I will not fake my way through life.)
15	October 18, 1990"Simpson and Delilah" 	 	Tar is not a plaything.
16	October 25, 1990"Treehouse of Horror" 	 	(no gag)
17	November 1, 1990"Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish"	 	
Original version:I will not Xerox my butt.
Alternate 1992 rerun version:It's potato, not potatoe.
18	November 8, 1990"Dancin' Homer" 	 	I will not trade pants with others.
19	November 15, 1990"Dead Putting Society" 	 	I am not a 32 year old woman.This was originally intended to be the gag for the episode that aired on October 25, 1990, as that was the 33rd birthday of Nancy Cartwright (the actress who voices Bart).
20	November 22, 1990"Bart vs. Thanksgiving" 	 	I will not do that thing with my tongue.
21	December 6, 1990"Bart the Daredevil" 	 	I will not drive the principal's car.This alludes to the premise of the episode, implying that Bart possibly did daredevil stunts right before the episode took place.
22	December 20, 1990"Itchy & Scratchy & Marge" 	 	I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.
23	January 10, 1991"Bart Gets Hit by a Car" 	 	I will not sell school property.
24	January 24, 1991"One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish" 	 	I will not cut corners.This is written only for six lines. The remaining lines are all "ditto" quotation marks. Thus, Bart is actually cutting corners.
25	January 31, 1991"The Way We Was" 	 	I will not get very far with this attitude.
26	February 7, 1991"Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment" 	 	I will not make flatulent noises in class.
27	February 14, 1991"Principal Charming" 	 	I will not belch the national anthem.
28	February 21, 1991"Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?" 	 	I will not sell land in Florida.
29	March 7, 1991"Bart's Dog Gets an F" 	 	I will not sell school property.Same as Bart Gets Hit by a Car
30	March 28, 1991"Old Money" 	 	I will not grease the monkey bars.
31	April 11, 1991"Brush with Greatness" 	 	I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment.
32	April 25, 1991"Lisa's Substitute" 	 	(no gag)
33	May 2, 1991"The War of the Simpsons" 	 	I will not do anything bad ever again.
34	May 9, 1991"Three Men and a Comic Book" 	 	I will not show off.Bart is actually trying to show off, writing it in Blackletter.
35	July 11, 1991"Blood Feud" 	 	I will not sleep through my education.
==Season 3==
# 	Airdate/Episode Title 	Screenshot	Chalkboard Gag/Note
36	September 19, 1991"Stark Raving Dad" 	 	I am not a dentist.
37	September 26, 1991"Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington" 	 	Spitwads are not free speech.
38	October 3, 1991"When Flanders Failed" 	 	Nobody likes sun burn slappers.
39	October 10, 1991"Bart the Murderer" 	 	High explosives and school don't mix.
39	October 10, 1991"Bart the Murderer" 	200px 	Also during the episode: "I will not bribe Principal Skinner".
40	October 17, 1991"Homer Defined" 	 	I will not squeak chalk.Bart makes the chalk squeak as he writes this.
41	October 24, 1991"Like Father, Like Clown" 	 	I will finish what I startBart only writes one line and doesn't finish, as the text should read: "I will finish what I start".
42	October 31, 1991"Treehouse of Horror II" 	 	(no gag)
43	November 7, 1991"Lisa's Pony" 	 	"Bart Bucks" are not legal tender.
44	November 14, 1991"Saturdays of Thunder" 	 	I will not fake rabies.
45	November 21, 1991"Flaming Moe's" 	 	Underwear should be worn on the inside.
46	December 5, 1991"Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk" 	 	The Christmas Pageant does not stink.
47	December 26, 1991"I Married Marge" 	 	I will not torment the emotionally frail.
48	January 9, 1992"Radio Bart" 	 	I will not carve gods.
49	January 23, 1992"Lisa the Greek" 	 	(no gag)
50	February 6, 1992"Homer Alone" 	 	I will not spank others.
51	February 13, 1992"Bart the Lover" 	 	(no gag)
52	February 20, 1992"Homer at the Bat" 	 	I will not aim for the head.However, in this episode, Homer got hit in the head by a baseball due to getting distracted by Mr. Burns' signing to Homer during a game.
53	February 27, 1992"Separate Vocations" 	 	I will not barf unless I'm sick.
53	February 27, 1992"Separate Vocations" 	200px 	Also during the episode: I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
54	March 12, 1992"Dog of Death" 	 	I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.
55	March 26, 1992"Colonel Homer" 	 	I will not conduct my own fire drills.
56	April 9, 1992"Black Widower" 	 	Funny noises are not funny.
57	April 23, 1992"The Otto Show" 	 	I will not spin the turtle.
58	May 7, 1992"Bart's Friend Falls in Love" 	 	I will not snap bras.
59	August 27, 1992"Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?"	 	I will not fake seizures.
==Season 4==
# 	Airdate/Episode Title 	Screenshot	Chalkboard Gag/Note
60	September 24, 1992"Kamp Krusty" 	 	This punishment is not boring and pointless.
61	October 1, 1992"A Streetcar Named Marge" 	 	My name is not "Dr. Death".
62	October 8, 1992"Homer the Heretic" 	 	I will not defame New Orleans.This was due to complaints regarding the song, "New Orleans" from the previous episode.
63	October 15, 1992"Lisa the Beauty Queen" 	 	I will not prescribe medication.
64	October 29, 1992"Treehouse of Horror III" 	 	(no gag)
65	November 3, 1992"Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie" 	 	I will not bury the new kid.
65	November 3, 1992"Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie" 	 	(And during the episode, Marge writes I will try to raise a better child.)
66	November 5, 1992"Marge Gets a Job" 	 	I will not teach others to fly.
67	November 12, 1992"New Kid on the Block" 	 	I will not bring sheep to class.
68	November 19, 1992"Mr. Plow" 	 	A burp is not an answer.
69	December 3, 1992"Lisa's First Word" 	 	Teacher is not a leper.
70	December 17, 1992"Homer's Triple Bypass" 	 	Coffee is not for kids.Each line becomes less legible and more scrawled, as coffee can sometimes make a person drowsy after a while.
71	January 14, 1993"Marge vs. the Monorail" 	 	I will not eat things for money.However, Bart actually ate things for money 21 seasons later in "Diggs".
72	January 21, 1993"Selma's Choice" 	 	I will not yell "She's dead" during roll call.
73	February 4, 1993"Brother from the Same Planet" 	 	The principal's toupée is not a frisbee.
74	February 11, 1993"I Love Lisa" 	 	I will not call the principal "spud head".
75	February 18, 1993"Duffless" 	 	Goldfish don't bounce.
76	March 11, 1993"Last Exit to Springfield" 	 	Mud is not one of the 4 food groups.
77	April 1, 1993":So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show"	 	No one is interested in my underpants.
78	April 15, 1993"The Front" 	 	I will not sell miracle cures.
79	April 29, 1993"Whacking Day" 	 	I will return the seeing-eye dog.
80	May 6, 1993"Marge in Chains" 	 	I do not have diplomatic immunity.
81	May 13, 1993"Krusty Gets Kancelled" 	 	I will not charge admission to the bathroom.
==Season 5==
# 	Airdate/Episode Title 	Screenshot	Chalkboard Gag/Note
82 	September 30, 1993Homer's Barbershop Quartet 	 	I will never win an Emmy.In fact, nine Emmy Awards had been won by the show and cast by this episode's airing date.
83 	October 7, 1993Cape Feare 	 	The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.
84 	October 14, 1993Homer Goes to College 	 	(no gag)
85 	October 21, 1993Rosebud 	 	(no gag)
86 	October 28, 1993Treehouse of Horror IV 	 	(no gag)
87 	November 4, 1993Marge on the Lam 	 	(no gag)
88 	November 11, 1993Bart's Inner Child 	 	(no gag)
89 	November 18, 1993Boy-Scoutz 'n the Hood 	 	(no gag)
90 	December 9, 1993The Last Temptation of Homer 	 	All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy. (Reference to the quote commonly associated with Stephen King's The Shining)
91 	December 16, 1993$pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)	 	I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause.However, it actually happens later in Trash of the Titans.
92 	January 6, 1994Homer the Vigilante 	 	I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.
93 	February 3, 1994Bart Gets Famous 	 	My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.
94 	February 10, 1994Homer and Apu 	 	I will not go near the kindergarten turtle.
95 	February 17, 1994Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy 	 	(no gag)
96 	February 24, 1994Deep Space Homer 	 	(no gag)
97 	March 17, 1994Homer Loves Flanders 	 	I am not delightfully saucy.
98 	March 31, 1994Bart Gets an Elephant 	 	Organ transplants are best left to the professionals.
99 	April 14, 1994Burns' Heir 	 	The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan".
100	April 28, 1994Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song 	 	I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.In fact, this was the 100th episode of The Simpsons as a whole.
101	May 5, 1994The Boy Who Knew Too Much 	 	There are plenty of businesses like show business.
102	May 12, 1994Lady Bouvier's Lover 	 	I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball.
103	May 19, 1994Secrets of a Successful Marriage 	 	Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.
==Season 6==
# 	Airdate 	Screenshot	Gag 	Episode title
104	September 4, 1994 	 	Beans are neither fruit nor musical.(This takes us back to "Whacking Day") 	Bart of Darkness
105	September 11, 1994	 	No one is interested in my underpants.(same as episode 77) 	Lisa's Rival
106	September 25, 1994	 	I will not use abbrev.(However, Bart does abbreviate the word "Abbreviations", writing it as "abbrev".) 	Another Simpsons Clip Show
107	October 2, 1994 	 	I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr. 	Itchy & Scratchy Land
108	October 9, 1994 	 	no gag 	Sideshow Bob Roberts
109	October 30, 1994 	 	no gag 	Treehouse of Horror V
110	November 6, 1994 	 	I will not send lard through the mail. 	Bart's Girlfriend
111	November 13, 1994 	 	I will not dissect things unless instructed. 	Lisa on Ice
112	November 27, 1994 	 	I will not whittle hall passes out of soap. 	Homer Badman
113	December 4, 1994 	 	My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.(same as Bart Gets Famous) 	Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy
114	December 18, 1994 	 	Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough. 	Fear of Flying
115	January 8, 1995 	 	Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the principal. 	Homer the Great
116	January 22, 1995 	 	"Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice. 	And Maggie Makes Three
117	February 5, 1995 	 	Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does.(Bart would later make the same confusion about cursive in You Only Move Twice ) 	Bart's Comet
118	February 12, 1995 	 	Next time it could be me on the scaffolding. 	Homie the Clown
119	February 19, 1995 	 	I will not hang donuts on my person.("my person" refers to the fact that Bart probably hanged donuts on himself) 	Bart vs. Australia
120	February 26, 1995 	 	I will remember to take my medication. 	Homer vs. Patty and Selma
121	March 5, 1995 	 	no gag 	A Star is Burns
122	March 19, 1995 	220px 	I will not strut around like I own the place. 	Lisa's Wedding
123	April 9, 1995 	 	The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far. 	Two Dozen and One Greyhounds
124	April 16, 1995 	 	I do not have power of attorney over first graders. 	The PTA Disbands
125	April 30, 1995 	 	Nerve gas is not a toy. 	'Round Springfield
126	May 7, 1995 	220px 	I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface. 	The Springfield Connection
127	May 14, 1995 	 	The does not cover burping. 	Lemon of Troy
128	May 21, 1995 	 	This is not a clue... or is it?(Numerous clues pointing to the solution in both parts are tied to 3:00pm, which is the time said on the clock in the intro. Also seen in The Simpsons Road Rage)	Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part One)
==Season 7==
# 	Airdate 	Screenshot	Gag 	Episode title
129	September 17, 1995	220px 	I will not complain about the solution when I hear it. 	Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part Two)
130	September 24, 1995	220px 	"Bewitched" does not promote Satanism. 	Radioactive Man
131	October 1, 1995 	220px 	No one wants to hear from my armpits. 	Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily
132	October 8, 1995 	220px 	I am not a lean mean spitting machine. 	Bart Sells His Soul
133	October 15, 1995 	220px 	The boys' room is not a water park. 	Lisa the Vegetarian
134	October 29, 1995 	 	no gag 	Treehouse of Horror VI
135	November 5, 1995 	220px 	Indian burns are not our cultural heritage. 	King-Size Homer
136	November 19, 1995 	 	no gag 	Mother Simpson
137	November 26, 1995 	220px 	Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things. 	Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming
138	December 3, 1995 	220px 	I will only do this once a year.("The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular" is the third clip show, and the final clip show to release a year after the previous one, as "So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show" released in 1993, and "Another Simpsons Clip Show" released in 1994.)	The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular
139	December 17, 1995 	220px 	I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist. 	Marge Be Not Proud
140	January 7, 1996 	220px 	I am not certified to remove asbestos. 	Team Homer
141	January 14, 1996 	 	no gag 	Two Bad Neighbors
142	February 4, 1996 	 	no gag 	Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield
143	February 11, 1996 	 	no gag 	Bart the Fink
144	February 18, 1996 	 	no gag 	Lisa the Iconoclast
145	February 25, 1996 	 	no gag 	Homer the Smithers
146	March 17, 1996 	 	no gag 	The Day the Violence Died
147	March 24, 1996 	 	no gag 	A Fish Called Selma
148	March 31, 1996 	 	no gag 	Bart on the Road
149	April 14, 1996 	 	no gag 	22 Short Films About Springfield
150	April 28, 1996 	 	no gag 	Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"
151	May 5, 1996 	 	no gag 	Much Apu About Nothing
152	May 19, 1996 	 	no gag 	Homerpalooza
153	May 19, 1996 	 	no gag 	Summer of 4 Ft. 2
==Season 8==
# 	Airdate 	Screenshot	Gag 	Episode title
154	October 27, 1996 	 	no gag 	Treehouse of Horror VII
155	November 3, 1996 	220px 	I did not learn everything I need to know from kindergarten.(Also appears in episode 176) 	You Only Move Twice
156	November 10, 1996	 	I am not my long-lost twin. 	The Homer They Fall
157	November 17, 1996	 	no gag 	Burns, Baby Burns
158	November 24, 1996	 	no gag 	Bart After Dark
159	December 1, 1996 	 	no gag 	A Milhouse Divided
160	December 15, 1996	200px 	no gag(But during the episode, Lisa writes "I will not be a snickerpuss." She then asks herself, "How does Bart do this every week?")	Lisa's Date with Density
161	December 29, 1996	 	no gag 	Hurricane Neddy
162	January 5, 1997 	 	no gag 	El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer)
163	January 12, 1997 	 	The truth is not out there.("The Springfield Files" is an episode parodying X-Files, and this gag is one of the references to it) 	The Springfield Files
164	January 19, 1997 	 	I am not licensed to do anything.(James Bond reference) 	The Twisted World of Marge Simpson
165	February 2, 1997 	 	no gag 	Mountain of Madness
166	February 7, 1997 	 	I will not hide the teacher's Prozac. 	Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala(Annoyed Grunt)cious
167	February 9, 1997 	 	no gag 	The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show
168	February 16, 1997	 	no gag 	Homer's Phobia
169	February 23, 1997	 	no gag 	Brother from Another Series
170	March 2, 1997 	 	no gag 	My Sister, My Sitter
171	March 16, 1997 	 	no gag 	Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment
172	April 6, 1997 	 	no gag 	Grade School Confidential
173	April 13, 1997 	 	A fire drill does not demand a fire. 	The Canine Mutiny
174	April 20, 1997 	 	no gag 	The Old Man and the Lisa
175	April 27, 1997 	 	no gag 	In Marge We Trust
176	May 4, 1997 	 	I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten. 	Homer's Enemy
177	May 11, 1997 	 	no gag 	The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase
178	May 18, 1997 	 	no gag 	The Secret War of Lisa Simpson
==Season 9==
# 	Airdate 	Screenshot	Gag 	Episode title
179	September 21, 1997	
No Image Available.png	no gag 	The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson
180	September 28, 1997	
No Image Available.png	no gag 	The Principal and the Pauper
181	October 19, 1997 	220px 	I no longer want my MTV.(reference to the lyrics of the Dire Straits song Money for Nothing (song), and a possible jab at MTV's declining quality due to lack of music videos and music-related programming)	Lisa's Sax
182	October 26, 1997 	
No Image Available.png	no gag 	Treehouse of Horror VIII
183	November 2, 1997 	220px 	Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story. 	The Cartridge Family
184	November 9, 1997 	220px 	I did not invent Irish dancing. 	Bart Star
185	November 16, 1997 	
No Image Available.png	no gag 	The Two Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilons
186	November 23, 1997 	220px 	I will not tease Fatty. 	Lisa the Skeptic
187	December 7, 1997 	220px 	There was no Roman god named "Fartacus". 	Realty Bites
188	December 21, 1997 	220px 	Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related. 	Miracle on Evergreen Terrace
189	January 4, 1998 	 	no gag 	All Singing, All Dancing
190	January 11, 1998 	 	no gag 	Bart Carny
191	February 8, 1998 	220px 	Shooting paintballs is not an art form. 	The Joy of Sect
192	February 15, 1998 	 	no gag 	Das Bus
193	February 22, 1998 	220px 	Pain is not the cleanser.(However, Ned Flanders shouted "Pain is the cleanser!" as he yanked his mustache 7 seasons later in Home Away from Homer) 	The Last Temptation of Krust
194	March 1, 1998 	220px 	Silly string is not a nasal spray. 	Dumbbell Indemnity
195	March 8, 1998 	 	no gag 	Lisa the Simpson
196	March 22, 1998 	220px 	I was told not to do this. 	This Little Wiggy
197	March 29, 1998 	220px 	My butt does not deserve a website. 	Simpson Tide
198	April 5, 1998 	220px 	I will not demand what I'm worth.(This is a reference to "The Voice" cast's recent demands for higher pay) 	The Trouble with Trillions
199	April 19, 1998 	 	no gag 	Girly Edition
200	April 26, 1998 	 	I will not mess with the opening credits.(This was actually the couch gag for this episode; the rest of the family runs into the classroom to find Bart already there writing on the board) 	Trash of the Titans
201	May 3, 1998 	 	no gag 	King of the Hill
202	May 10, 1998 	220px 	I am not the new Dalai Lama. 	Lost Our Lisa
203	May 17, 1998 	220px 	I was not the inspiration for "Kramer."(This episode aired three days after the last episode of "Seinfeld") 	Natural Born Kissers
== Season 10 ==
# 	Airdate 	Screenshot	Gag 	Episode title
204	August 23, 1998 	 	no gag 	Lard of the Dance
205	September 20, 1998	 	I will not file frivolous lawsuits. 	The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace
206	September 27, 1998	 	no gag 	Bart the Mother
207	October 25, 1998 	 	The Simpsons Halloween Special IX(This is written in blood with a paintbrush) 	Treehouse of Horror IX
208	November 8, 1998 	 	"butt.com" is not my e-mail address.(This was changed to "butt.butt" in later airings since butt.com was revealed to be a real website; Butt.com still appeared in non-US airings, however)	When You Dish Upon a Star
209	November 15, 1998 	 	No one cares what my definition of "is" is. 	D'oh-in' in the Wind
210	November 22, 1998 	 	I will not scream for ice cream. 	Lisa Gets an "A"
211	December 6, 1998 	 	I am not a licensed hairstylist. 	Homer Simpson in: "Kidney Trouble"
212	December 20, 1998 	 	"The President did it" is not an excuse.(This aired a day after impeachment proceedings started against Bill Clinton) 	Mayored to the Mob
213	January 10, 1999 	 	My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld. 	Viva Ned Flanders
214	January 17, 1999 	 	Sherri does not "got back". 	Wild Barts Can't Be Broken
215	January 31, 1999 	 	I will not do "the dirty bird."(This episode aired the night of Super Bowl XXXIII, in which the Atlanta Falcons, for whom "The Dirty Bird" was a signature dance/celebration, played) 	Sunday, Cruddy Sunday
216	February 7, 1999 	 	No one wants to hear about my sciatica. 	Homer to the Max
217	February 14, 1999 	 	Hillbillies are people too. 	I'm with Cupid
218	February 21, 1999 	 	Grammar is not a time of waste. 	Marge Simpson in: "Screaming Yellow Honkers"
219	February 28, 1999 	
IMG_1679.PNG	I do not have diplomatic immunity. (Same as 9F20) 	Make Room for Lisa
220	March 28, 1999 	
IMG_1678.PNG	It does not suck to be you.(Reference to a Prozzäk song) 	Maximum Homerdrive
221	April 4, 1999 	
IMG_1677.PNG	I cannot absolve sins.(And during the episode in Lisa's dream, Bart carves "I will not deface." in hieroglyphics. (actually "Eye well knot d-face")) 	Simpsons Bible Stories
222	April 11, 1999 	 	A trained ape could not teach gym. 	Mom and Pop Art
223	April 25, 1999 	220px 	Loose teeth don't need my help. 	The Old Man and the "C" Student
224	May 2, 1999 	
IMG_1676.PNG	I have neither been there nor done that. 	Monty Can't Buy Me Love
225	May 9, 1999 	
IMG_1675.PNG	No one wants to hear from my armpits.(Same as Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily) 	They Saved Lisa's Brain
226	May 16, 1999 	
IMG_1674.PNG	I'm so very tired. 
(At this point, Bart had been doing these gags for ten seasons) 	Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo
== Season 11 ==
# 	Airdate 	Screenshot 	Gag 	Episode title
227	September 26, 1999	thumb|220px	Fridays are not "pants optional".(In Australia, Hamish and Andy (a comedy duo) have decided that Friday should be pants off Friday) 	Beyond Blunderdome
228	October 3, 1999 	thumb|220px	Pork is not a verb.(the irony is that "pork" is a verb, albeit a vulgar slang term, meaning "to have sexual intercourse with") 	Brother's Little Helper
229	October 24, 1999 	 	I am not the last Don. (possible reference to the 1997 TV minseries of the same name, which starred Joe Mantegna, the voice of Fat Tony) 	Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner?
230	October 31, 1999 	 	no gag 	Treehouse of Horror X
231	November 7, 1999 	 	I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize. 	E-I-E-I-D'oh
232	November 14, 1999 	 	I won't not use no double negatives.(since three negatives are used, so the sentence is true) 	Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder
233	November 21, 1999 	
IMG_1670.PNG	Indian burns are not our cultural heritage.(same as King-Size Homer) 	Eight Misbehavin'
234	November 28, 1999 	 	I can't see dead people. 
(The Sixth Sense reference; However, in Flanders' Ladder, Bart is able to receive visits from ghosts in a coma) 	Take My Wife, Sleaze
235	December 19, 1999 	200px 	I will not sell my kidney on eBay.(this is impossible now, since eBay prohibits the sale of organs)(and during the episode, Lisa writes I will not do math in class.)	Grift of the Magi
236	January 9, 2000 	
IMG_1669.PNG	I will not create art from dung. 	Little Big Mom
237	January 16, 2000 	
IMG_1668.PNG	I will stop phoning it in. 	Faith Off
238	January 23, 2000 	
IMG 1667.PNG	Class clown is not a paid position. 	The Mansion Family
239	February 6, 2000 	 	Substitute teachers are not scabs. 	Saddlesore Galactica
240	February 13, 2000 	 	My suspension was not "mutual". 	Alone Again, Natura-Diddily
241	February 20, 2000 	 	A belch is not an oral report. 	:Missionary: Impossible
242	February 27, 2000 	 	Dodgeball stops at the gym door. 	Pygmoelian
243	March 19, 2000 	 	"Non-flammable" is not a challenge. 	Bart to the Future
244	April 9, 2000 	 	I was not touched "there" by an angel. 	Days of Wine and D'oh'ses
245	April 30, 2000 	 	I am not here on a fartball scholarship. 	Kill the Alligator and Run
246	May 7, 2000 	 	I will not dance on anyone's grave. 	Last Tap Dance in Springfield
247	May 14, 2000 	
IMG_1666.PNG	I cannot hire a substitute student. 	It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Marge
248	May 21, 2000 	 	I will not obey the voices in my head. 	Behind the Laughter
== Season 12 ==
# 	Airdate 	Screenshot	Gag 	Episode title
249	November 1, 2000 	 	no gag 	Treehouse of Horror XI
250	November 5, 2000 	
IMG_1664.JPG	I will not plant subliminAL messaGOREs.(aired two days before the 2000 U.S. presidential election) 	A Tale of Two Springfields
251	November 12, 2000	
IMG_1663.JPG	I will not surprise the incontinent. 	Insane Clown Poppy
252	November 19, 2000	
IMG_1662.JPG	I am not the acting president.(aired during the legal contest over the results of the 2000 presidential election) 	Lisa the Tree Hugger
253	November 26, 2000	
IMG_1661.JPG	I was not the sixth Beatle. 	Homer vs. Dignity
254	December 3, 2000 	
IMG_1660.JPG	I will only provide a urine sample when asked. 	The Computer Wore Menace Shoes
255	December 10, 2000	
IMG_1659.PNG	The nurse is not dealing. 	The Great Money Caper
256	December 17, 2000	
IMG_1658.PNG
thumb|220px	Science class should not end in tragedy.(And during the episode, Skinner writes I ain't not a dorkus.) 	Skinner's Sense of Snow
257	January 7, 2001 	
IMG_1657.JPG	Network TV is not dead. 	HOMЯ
258	January 14, 2001 	
IMG_1656.JPG	I will not "let the dogs out". (reference to Baha Men's "Who Let the Dogs Out") 	Pokey Mom
259	February 4, 2001 	
IMG_1655.JPG	I will not hide the teacher's medication. 	Worst Episode Ever
260	February 11, 2001	
IMG_1654.JPG	I will not publish the principal's credit report. 	Tennis the Menace
261	February 18, 2001	
IMG_1653.JPG	The hamster did not have a "full life". 	Day of the Jackanapes
262	February 25, 2001	
IMG_1652.JPG	I will not buy a presidential pardon.(Reference to the Bill Clinton pardons controversy, involving 140 pardons he issued on his last day in office)	New Kids on the Blecch
263	March 4, 2001 	
IMG_1651.JPG	"Temptation Island" was not a sleazy piece of crap. 	Hungry, Hungry Homer
264	March 11, 2001 	220px 	I will not scare the vice president.(reference to VP Cheney's heart condition) 	Bye Bye Nerdie
265	April 1, 2001 	
IMG_1650.JPG	I will not flush evidence. 	Simpson Safari
266	April 29, 2001 	
IMG_1649.JPG	Fire is not the cleanser. 	Trilogy of Error
267	May 6, 2001 	
IMG_1648.JPG	Genetics is not an excuse. 	I'm Goin' to Praiseland
268	May 13, 2001 	
IMG_1647.JPG	Today is not Mothra's Day.(this episode aired on Mother's Day) 	Children of a Lesser Clod
269	May 20, 2001 	
IMG_1646.JPG	I should not be twenty-one by now.(reference to the fact that Bart has been the age of ten for over eleven years) 	Simpsons Tall Tales
== Season 13 ==
# 	Airdate 	Screenshot	Gag 	Episode title
270	November 6, 2001 	 	no gag 	Treehouse of Horror XII
271	November 11, 2001	 	Nobody reads these anymore. 	The Parent Rap
272	November 18, 2001	
IMG_1632.PNG	A burp in a jar is not a science project. 	Homer the Moe
273	December 2, 2001 	
IMG_1631.PNG	Fun does not have a size. 	A Hunka Hunka Burns in Love
274	December 9, 2001 	 	I am not Charlie Brown on acid. 
(reference to how critics described "South Park") 	The Blunder Years
275	December 16, 2001	
IMG_1630.PNG	I do not have a cereal named after me. 	She of Little Faith
276	January 6, 2002 	 	no gag 	Brawl in the Family
277	January 20, 2002 	 	no gag 	Sweets and Sour Marge
278	January 27, 2002 	 	no gag 	Jaws Wired Shut
279	February 10, 2002	
IMG_1629.PNG	I will not bite the hand that feeds me Butterfingers.(references the Butterfinger commercials featuring The Simpsons, which ended in 2001. This was presumably done in a manner similar to its reference in Sweets and Sour Marge)	Half-Decent Proposal
280	February 17, 2002	220px 	The Giving Tree is not a chump. 	The Bart Wants What It Wants
281	February 24, 2002	
IMG_1628.PNG	Making Milhouse cry is not a science project. 	The Lastest Gun in the West
282	March 10, 2002 	 	no gag 	The Old Man and the Key
283	March 17, 2002 	
IMG_1627.PNG	Vampire is not a career choice. 	Tales from the Public Domain
284	March 31, 2002 	 	no gag 	Blame It on Lisa
285	April 7, 2002 	 	no gag 	Weekend at Burnsie's
286	April 21, 2002 	 	no gag 	Gump Roast
287	April 28, 2002 	 	no gag 	I Am Furious (Yellow)
288	May 5, 2002 	
IMG_1626.PNG	I will never lie about being cancelled again. 
(reference to Matt Groening spreading a rumor that The Simpsons was going to end its run after this season) 	The Sweetest Apu
289	May 12, 2002 	 	no gag 	Little Girl in the Big Ten
290	May 19, 2002 	 	no gag 	The Frying Game
291	May 22, 2002 	 	no gag 	Poppa's Got a Brand New Badge
== Season 14==
# 	Airdate 	Screenshot	Gag 	Episode title
292	November 3, 2002 	 	no gag 	Treehouse of Horror XIII
293	November 10, 2002	 	no gag 	How I Spent My Strummer Vacation
294	November 17, 2002	220px 	Fish do not like coffee. 	Bart vs. Lisa vs. the Third Grade
295	November 24, 2002	 	no gag 	Large Marge
296	December 1, 2002 	
IMG_1625.PNG	Milhouse did not test cootie positive. 	Helter Shelter
297	December 15, 2002	 	no gag 	The Great Louse Detective
298	January 5, 2003 	 	no gag 	Special Edna
299	January 12, 2003 	 	no gag 	The Dad Who Knew Too Little
300	February 2, 2003 	
IMG_1624.PNG	This school does not need a "regime change".(reference to the then-upcoming War In Iraq) 	The Strong Arms of the Ma
301	February 9, 2003 	 	SpongeBob is not a contraceptive. 	Pray Anything
302	February 16, 2003	 	I will not (Bart then destroys the chalkboard with an axe and runs out the school laughing)	Barting Over
303	February 16, 2003	 	no gag 	I'm Spelling as Fast as I Can
304	March 2, 2003 	 	no gag 	A Star Is Born-Again
305	March 9, 2003 	 	no gag 	Mr. Spritz Goes to Washington
306	March 16, 2003 	 	no gag 	C.E. D'oh
307	March 30, 2003 	 	no gag 	'Scuse Me While I Miss the Sky
308	April 13, 2003 	 	no gag 	Three Gays of the Condo
309	April 27, 2003 	 	no gag 	Dude, Where's My Ranch?
310	May 4, 2003 	
IMG_1623.PNG	My pen is not a booger launcher. 	Old Yeller-Belly
311	May 11, 2003 	 	no gag 	Brake My Wife, Please
312	May 18, 2003 	
IMG_1622.PNG	Sandwiches should not contain sand. 	The Bart of War
313	May 18, 2003 	 	no gag 	Moe Baby Blues
==Season 15==
# 	Airdate 	Screenshot	Gag 	Episode title
314	November 2, 2003 	 	no gag 	Treehouse of Horror XIV
315	November 9, 2003 	 	no gag 	My Mother the Carjacker
316	November 16, 2003	 	no gag 	The President Wore Pearls
317	November 23, 2003	 	no gag 	The Regina Monologues
318	November 30, 2003	 	no gag 	The Fat and the Furriest
319	December 7, 2003 	
IMG_1621.PNG	Over forty & single is not funny. 	Today, I Am a Clown
320	December 14, 2003	 	no gag 	'Tis the Fifteenth Season
321	January 4, 2004 	 	no gag 	Marge vs. Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples and Teens and Gays
322	January 11, 2004 	 	no gag 	I, (Annoyed Grunt)-Bot
323	January 25, 2004 	 	no gag 	Diatribe of a Mad Housewife
324	February 8, 2004 	 	no gag 	Margical History Tour
325	February 15, 2004	 	no gag 	Milhouse Doesn't Live Here Anymore
326	February 22, 2004	 	no gag 	Smart and Smarter
327	March 14, 2004 	
IMG_1620.PNG	I will not speculate on how hot my teacher used to be.	The Ziff Who Came to Dinner
328	March 21, 2004 	 	no gag 	Co-Dependent's Day
329	March 28, 2004 	 	no gag 	The Wandering Juvie
330	April 18, 2004 	 	no gag 	My Big Fat Geek Wedding
331	April 25, 2004 	 	no gag 	Catch 'Em if You Can
332	May 2, 2004 	 	no gag 	Simple Simpson
333	May 9, 2004 	 	no gag 	The Way We Weren't
334	May 16, 2004 	 	no gag 	Bart-Mangled Banner
335	May 23, 2004 	 	no gag 	Fraudcast News
==Season 16==
# 	Airdate 	Screenshot	Gag 	Episode title
336	November 7, 2004 	 	no gag 	Treehouse of Horror XV
337	November 14, 2004	 	no gag 	All's Fair in Oven War
338	November 21, 2004	 	no gag 	Sleeping with the Enemy
339	December 5, 2004 	
IMG_1619.PNG	Poking a dead raccoon is not research. 	She Used to Be My Girl
340	December 12, 2004	 	no gag 	Fat Man and Little Boy
341	January 16, 2005 	 	no gag 	Midnight Rx
342	January 30, 2005 	 	no gag 	Mommie Beerest
343	February 6, 2005 	 	no gag 	Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass
344	February 13, 2005	 	no gag 	Pranksta Rap
345	February 20, 2005	 	no gag 	There's Something About Marrying
346	March 6, 2005 	
IMG_1618.PNG	Beer in a milk carton is not milk. 	On a Clear Day I Can't See My Sister
347	March 13, 2005 	 	no gag 	Goo Goo Gai Pan
348	March 20, 2005 	 	no gag 	Mobile Homer
349	April 3, 2005 	 	no gag 	The Seven-Beer Snitch
350	April 17, 2005 	 	no gag 	Don't Fear the Roofer
351	May 1, 2005 	 	no gag 	Future-Drama
352	May 1, 2005 	 	no gag(However, during the episode, the chalkboard gag is replaced with Bart buying snacks from the vending machine)	The Heartbroke Kid
353	May 8, 2005 	 	no gag 	A Star is Torn
354	May 8, 2005 	 	no gag 	Thank God It's Doomsday
355	May 15, 2005 	
IMG_1617.PNG	A booger is not a bookmark. 	Home Away from Homer
356	May 15, 2005 	 	no gag 	The Father, the Son and the Holy Guest Star
==Season 17==
# 	Airdate 	Screenshot	Gag 	Episode title
357	September 11, 2005	
IMG_1616.PNG	Does any kid still do this anymore?(refers to the diminishing frequency of the chalkboard gag, as well as the real-life punishment) 	The Bonfire of the Manatees
358	September 18, 2005	 	no gag 	The Girl Who Slept Too Little
359	September 25, 2005	 	no gag 	Milhouse of Sand and Fog
360	November 6, 2005 	 	no gag 	Treehouse of Horror XVI
361	November 13, 2005 	 	no gag 	Marge's Son Poisoning
362	November 20, 2005 	 	no gag 	See Homer Run
363	November 27, 2005 	 	no gag 	The Last of the Red Hat Mamas
364	December 11, 2005 	 	no gag 	The Italian Bob
365	December 18, 2005 	 	no gag 	Simpsons Christmas Stories
366	January 8, 2006 	
IMG_1615.PNG	I am not smarter than the president. 	Homer's Paternity Coot
367	January 29, 2006 	
IMG_1614.PNG	Teacher was not dumped—it was mutual. 	We're on the Road to D'oh-where
368	February 26, 2006 	 	no gag 	My Fair Laddy
369	March 12, 2006 	 	no gag 	The Seemingly Never-Ending Story
370	March 19, 2006 	 	no gag 	Bart Has Two Mommies
371	March 26, 2006 	
IMG_1613.PNG	I will not laminate dog doo.(The first airing of this episode included a special live action opening that has I will not eat things for money)	Homer Simpson, This Is Your Wife
372	April 2, 2006 	 	I will not flip the classroom upside down.(the classroom is flipped upside down) 	Million Dollar Abie
373	April 9, 2006 	 	no gag 	Kiss Kiss Bang Bangalore
374	April 23, 2006 	 	no gag 	The Wettest Stories Ever Told
375	April 30, 2006 	 	no gag 	Girls Just Want to Have Sums
376	May 7, 2006 	
IMG_1612.PNG	I will not leak the plot of the movie. 	Regarding Margie
377	May 14, 2006 	 	Je ne parle pas français. ("I do not speak French.")(However, Bart does in fact learn to speak French in The Crepes of Wrath) 	The Monkey Suit
378	May 21, 2006 	
IMG_1611.PNG	Have a great summer, everyone.(last episode of the season) 	Marge and Homer Turn a Couple Play
==Season 18==
# 	Airdate 	Screenshot	Gag 	Episode title
379	September 10, 2006	 	no gag 	The Mook, the Chef, the Wife and Her Homer
380	September 17, 2006	 	no gag 	Jazzy and the Pussycats
381	September 24, 2006	200px 	no gag(But during the episode, Skinner writes A baby beat me up. when Bart begins torturing Skinner by taking advantage of his peanut allergy) 	Please Homer, Don't Hammer 'Em
382	November 5, 2006 	 	no gag 	Treehouse of Horror XVII
383	November 12, 2006 	 	We are not all naked under our clothes. 	G.I. (Annoyed Grunt)
384	November 19, 2006 	 	no gag 	Moe'N'a Lisa
385	November 26, 2006 	 	no gag 	Ice Cream of Margie (with the Light Blue Hair)
386	December 10, 2006 	 	no gag 	The Haw-Hawed Couple
387	December 17, 2006 	
IMG_1610.PNG	Frankincense is not a monster. 	:Kill Gil, Volumes I & II
388	January 7, 2007 	 	no gag 	The Wife Aquatic
389	January 28, 2007 	 	no gag 	Revenge is a Dish Best Served Three Times
390	February 11, 2007 	200px 	no gag(But during the episode, Bart writes So long suckers.) 	Little Big Girl
391	February 18, 2007 	 	no gag 	Springfield Up
392	March 4, 2007 	 	no gag 	Yokel Chords
393	March 11, 2007 	 	no gag 	Rome-Old and Julie-Eh
394	March 25, 2007 	
IMG_1609.PNG	Global warming did not eat my homework. 	Homerazzi
395	April 22, 2007 	 	no gag 	Marge Gamer
396	April 29, 2007 	 	no gag 	The Boys of Bummer
397	May 6, 2007 	
IMG_1608.PNG	I will not look up what teacher makes. 	Crook and Ladder
398	May 13, 2007 	
IMG_1607.PNG	Pearls are not oyster barf. 	Stop or My Dog Will Shoot!
399	May 20, 2007 	 	no gag (special 24-style opening) 	24 Minutes
400	May 20, 2007 	 	no gag(normal opening replaced with a black screen that has "20 years ago", followed by a full showing of the Tracy Ullman Show short Family Portrait)	You Kent Always Say What You Want
==The Simpsons Movie==
#	Airdate 	Screenshot	Gag 	Episode title
1	July 27, 2007	 	I will not illegally download this movie.	The Simpsons Movie
==Season 19==
# 	Airdate 	Screenshot	Gag 	Episode title
401	September 23, 2007	 	I will not wait 20 years to make another movie.(This is a reference to the possibility of another Simpsons feature film being in development hell, as well as The Simpsons Movie having been in development hell prior to its release)	He Loves to Fly and He D'ohs
402	September 30, 2007	 	The Wall Street Journal is better than ever. 	The Homer of Seville
403	October 7, 2007 	 	no gag 	Midnight Towboy
404	October 14, 2007 	 	I am not an FDIC-insured bank. 	I Don't Wanna Know Why the Caged Bird Sings
405	November 4, 2007 	 	no gag 	Treehouse of Horror XVIII
406	November 11, 2007 	 	There is no such thing as an iPoddy.(Reference to the iPod. This episode has some added laughing from Bart while he runs out of the classroom) 	Little Orphan Millie
407	November 18, 2007 	 	The Pilgrims were not illegal aliens. 	Husbands and Knives
408	November 25, 2007 	 	no gag 	Funeral for a Fiend
409	December 16, 2007 	 	The capital of Montana is not "Hannah".(Reference to Disney Channel's Hanna Montana) 	Eternal Moonshine of the Simpson Mind
410	January 6, 2008 	 	Teacher did not pay too much for her condo. 	E. Pluribus Wiggum
411	January 27, 2008 	 	no gag 	That '90s Show
412	February 17, 2008 	 	no gag 	Love, Springfieldian Style
413	March 2, 2008 	 	The art teacher is fat, not pregnant. 	The Debarted
414	March 9, 2008 	 	no gag 	Dial "N" for Nerder
415	March 30, 2008 	 	no gag 	Smoke on the Daughter
416	April 13, 2008 	 	no gag 	Papa Don't Leech
417	April 27, 2008 	 	A person's a person, no matter how Ralph.(This parodies the quote "A person's a person, no matter how small" from Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who!) 	Apocalypse Cow
418	May 4, 2008 	 	no gag 	Any Given Sundance
419	May 11, 2008 	 	This punishment is not medieval.(in a medieval writing style) 	Mona Leaves-a
420	May 18, 2008 	 	no gag 	All About Lisa
==Season 20==
# 	Airdate 	Screenshot	Gag 	Episode title
421	September 28, 2008	 	no gag 	Sex, Pies, and Idiot Scrapes
422	October 5, 2008 	 	Teacher's diet is working. 	Lost Verizon
423	October 19, 2008 	 	There is no such month as Rocktober. 	Double, Double, Boy in Trouble
424	November 2, 2008 	 	no gag 	Treehouse of Horror XIX
425	November 9, 2008 	 	I did not see my teacher siphoning gas. 	Dangerous Curves
426	November 16, 2008 	 	no gag 	Homer and Lisa Exchange Cross Words
427	November 30, 2008 	 	Prosperity is just around the corner.(And in the couch gag, Bart writes I will not bring the chalkboard home.)	Mypods and Boomsticks
428	December 7, 2008 	 	Jesus is not mad his birthday is on Christmas. 	The Burns and the Bees
429	January 25, 2009 	 	I will not use permanent ink on the chalkboard.(Last chalkboard gag to be in 4:3 standard definition) 	Lisa the Drama Queen
430	February 15, 2009 	 	HDTV is worth every cent.(First chalkboard gag to be in 16:9 high definition) 	Take My Life, Please
431	March 1, 2009 	 	"March Madness" is not an excuse for missing school. 	How the Test Was Won
432	March 8, 2009 	 	I will not have fun with educational toys. 	No Loan Again, Naturally
433	March 15, 2009 	 	No gag 	Gone Maggie Gone
434	March 22, 2009 	 	Four leaf clovers are not mutant freaks. 	In the Name of the Grandfather
435	March 29, 2009 	200px 	My piggy bank is not entitled to TARP funds. 	Wedding for Disaster
436	April 5, 2009 	 	No gag 	Eeny Teeny Maya, Moe
437	April 19, 2009 	 	I will not mock teacher's outdated cell phone. 	The Good, the Sad and the Drugly
438	April 26, 2009 	200px 	I will not put hot sauce in the CPR dummy. 	Father Knows Worst
439	May 3, 2009 	 	no gag 	Waverly Hills, 9-0-2-1-D'oh
440	May 10, 2009 	 	no gag 	Four Great Women and a Manicure
441	May 17, 2009 	200px 	It's 'Facebook', not 'Assbook'. 	Coming to Homerica
==Season 21==
# 	Airdate 	Screenshot	Gag 	Episode title
442	September 27, 2009	 	The class hamster isn't just sleeping. 	Homer the Whopper
443	October 4, 2009 	220px 	Chalkboarding is not torture. 	Bart Gets a 'Z'
444	October 11, 2009 	220px 	I am not allergic to long division. 	The Great Wife Hope
445	October 18, 2009 	 	no gag 	Treehouse of Horror XX
446	November 15, 2009 	
IMG_1603.PNG	I do not have the hots for my mom. (this would be considered incest, and is most likely referring to (and referencing) the episode Tennis the Menace). 	The Devil Wears Nada
447	November 22, 2009 	
IMG_1604.PNG	Halloween does not kick Thanksgiving's ass. 	Pranks and Greens
448	November 29, 2009 	220px 	Teachers' unions are not ruining this country. 	Rednecks and Broomsticks
449	December 13, 2009 	 	no gag 	O Brother, Where Bart Thou?
450	January 3, 2010 	 	no gag 	Thursdays with Abie
451	January 10, 2010 	220px 	The world may end in 2012, but this show won't.(References the 2012 phenomena, in which the world would allegedly end on December 21, 2012) 	Once Upon a Time in Springfield
452	January 31, 2010 	 	no gag 	Million Dollar Maybe
453	February 14, 2010 	 	no gag 	Boy Meets Curl
454	February 21, 2010 	 	no gag 	The Color Yellow
455	March 14, 2010 	 	no gag 	Postcards From the Wedge
456	March 21, 2010 	220px 	World War II could not beat up World War I. 	Stealing First Base
457	March 28, 2010 	 	no gag 	The Greatest Story Ever D'ohed
458	April 11, 2010 	 	Hot dogs are not bookmarks. 	American History X-cellent
459	April 18, 2010 	220px 	This counts as gym and art class. 	Chief of Hearts
460	April 25, 2010 	
4ADF934A-A22A-47D8-8D0B-6E24A55E16EB-16123-00002C8B536DC344.png	Original airing: South Park, we'd stand beside you if we weren't so scared.(reference to the South Park creators receiving death threats at the time)
Online version: Je ne suis pas français (I am not French)	The Squirt and the Whale
461	May 2, 2010 	 	no gag 	To Surveil With Love
462	May 9, 2010 	 	Eating my vegetables is not a Mother's Day present. 	Moe Letter Blues
463	May 16, 2010 	 	Batman is not 'nothing' without his utility belt. 	The Bob Next Door
464	May 23, 2010 	 	End of "Lost": It was all the dog's dream. Watch us.(The series finale of Lost aired the same day as the episode; the gag also references the ending of St. Elsewhere)	Judge Me Tender
==Season 22==
# 	Airdate 	Screenshot	Gag 	Episode title
465	September 26, 2010	 	When I slept in class, it was not to help Leo DiCaprio.(reference to Inception) 	Elementary School Musical
466	October 3, 2010 	220px 	I did not see teacher applying for welfare. 	Loan-a Lisa
467	October 10, 2010 	 	I must not write all over the walls.(Bart wrote all over the classroom) 	MoneyBART
468	November 7, 2010 	 	no gag 	Treehouse of Horror XXI
469	November 14, 2010 	 	no gag 	Lisa Simpson, This Isn't Your Life
470	November 21, 2010 	 	no gag 	The Fool Monty
471	November 28, 2010 	220px 	A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving is as good as A Charlie Brown Christmas. 	How Munched Is That Birdie in the Window?
472	December 5, 2010 	 	no gag 	The Fight Before Christmas
473	December 12, 2010 	220px 	Candy canes are not elf bones. 	Donnie Fatso
474	January 9, 2011 	220px 	January is not Bart History Month. 	Moms I'd Like to Forget
475	January 16, 2011 	 	no gag 	Flaming Moe
476	January 23, 2011 	220px 	Prince is not the son of Martin Luther King. 	Homer the Father
477	February 13, 2011 	220px 	I will not make fun of Cupid's dink. 	The Blue and the Gray
478	February 20, 2011 	 	no gag 	Angry Dad: The Movie
479	March 6, 2011 	220px 	I'm not here on a Spitball scholarship. 	The Scorpion's Tale
480	March 13, 2011 	
IMG_1601.PNG	"Daylight Savings” is not a failed bank. 	A Midsummer's Nice Dream
481	March 27, 2011 	
IMG_1602.PNG	I will not ridicule teacher's Final Four bracket. 	Love is a Many Strangled Thing
482	April 10, 2011 	 	no gag 	The Great Simpsina
483	May 1, 2011 	 	no gag 	The Real Housewives of Fat Tony
484	May 8, 2011 	220px 	I do not deserve a Mother's Day gift for being "one badass mother". 	Homer Scissorhands
485	May 15, 2011 	220px 	Guinea pigs should not be used as "Guinea Pigs".(on Hulu, it's It's Kristen Schaal, not Kristen Schall., which references to the said guest star's name being incorrectly spelled in the end credits in the previous episode)	"500 Keys"
486	May 22, 2011 	 	no gag 	The Ned-liest Catch
==Season 23==
# 	Airdate 	Screenshot	Gag 	Episode title
487	September 25, 2011	 	no gag 	The Falcon and the D'ohman
488	October 2, 2011 	 	It's not too early to speculate about the 2016 election.(The episode aired prior to the 2012 election) 	Bart Stops to Smell the Roosevelts
489	October 30, 2011 	 	no gag 	Treehouse of Horror XXII
490	November 6, 2011 	220px 	It's November 6th -- How come we're not airing a Halloween show?(references the Treehouse of Horror series, which aired in November between 2000 and 2008, as well as in 2010) 	Replaceable You
491	November 13, 2011 	 	no gag 	The Food Wife
492	November 20, 2011 	 	no gag 	The Book Job
493	November 27, 2011 	 	no gag 	The Man in the Blue Flannel Pants
494	December 4, 2011 	 	"Caucus" is not a dirty word. 	The Ten-Per-Cent Solution
495	December 11, 2011 	 	Cafeteria trays are not toboggans. 	Holidays of Future Passed
496	January 8, 2012 	220px 	Tintin did not sucksuck. 	Politically Inept, with Homer Simpson
497	January 15, 2012 	220px 	We do need no education. 
(Reference to Pink Floyd's Another Brick in the Wall) 	The D'oh-cial Network
498	January 29, 2012 	
IMG_1600.PNG	There's no proven link between raisins and boogers. 	Moe Goes from Rags to Riches
499	February 12, 2012 	220px 	I will not replace a candy heart with a frog's heart. 	The Daughter Also Rises
500	February 19, 2012 	 	Bart's earned a day off.(written by Milhouse)(and during the episode, Bart spray-paints I *Heart* the breakdown of society., and leaves with a motorcycle instead of a skateboard)	At Long Last Leave
501	March 4, 2012 	 	no gag 	Exit Through the Kwik-E-Mart
502	March 11, 2012 	 	no gag 	How I Wet Your Mother
503	March 18, 2012 	 	no gag 	Them, Robot
504	April 15, 2012 	220px 	The true location of Springfield is in any state but yours. (References the ambiguity of Springfield's state) 	Beware My Cheating Bart
505	April 29, 2012 	 	no gag 	A Totally Fun Thing That Bart Will Never Do Again
506	May 6, 2012 	 	no gag 	The Spy Who Learned Me
507	May 13, 2012 	 	Call your mother during the commercials. 
(The episode premiered on Mother's Day) 	Ned 'N Edna's Blend
508	May 20, 2012 	 	no gag 	Lisa Goes Gaga
==Season 24==
# 	Airdate 	Screenshot	Gag 	Episode title
509	September 30, 2012	220px 	I will not wear white after Labor Day.(Bart wears a white suit) 	Moonshine River
510	October 7, 2012 	 	no gag 	Treehouse of Horror XXIII
511	November 4, 2012 	 	no gag 	Adventures in Baby-Getting
512	November 11, 2012 	220px 	I will not concede the election till Karl Rove gives me permission.(reference to Rove's panicked appearance on Fox News Channel's preceding election night coverage following the re-election of President Obama)	Gone Abie Gone
513	November 18, 2012 	 	I want to secede but don't know which state I'm in.(another joke about Springfield's state being ambiguous) 	Penny-Wiseguys
514	November 25, 2012 	220px 	20 more shoplifting days till Christmas. 	A Tree Grows in Springfield
515	December 9, 2012 	 	no gag 	The Day the Earth Stood Cool
516	December 16,2012 	 	no gag 	To Cur, with Love
517	January 6, 2013 	
IMG_1599.PNG	The teacher did not get fat during the holidays. 	Homer Goes to Prep School
518	January 13, 2013 	220px 	I will obey Oscar campaign rules from now on. 	A Test Before Trying
519	January 27, 2013 	 	no gag 	Changing of the Guardian
520	February 10, 2013 	220px 	I wasn't nominated for "Best Spoken Swear Word". 	Love Is a Many-Splintered Thing
521	February 17, 2013 	 	I will not tweet as the principal's toilet. 	Hardly Kirk-ing
522	March 3, 2013 	 	no gag 	Gorgeous Grampa
523	March 10, 2013 	220px 	I'm sorry I broke the blackboard.(written on a whiteboard) 	Black-Eyed, Please
524	March 17, 2013 	220px 	Jesus' last words were not 'TGIF'. 	Dark Knight Court
525	April 14, 2013 	 	no gag 	What Animated Women Want
526	April 28, 2013 	 	no gag 	Pulpit Friction
527	May 5, 2013 	 	no gag 	Whiskey Business
528	May 12, 2013 	
IMG 1595.PNG
IMG_1596.PNG
IMG_1597.PNG
IMG_1598.PNG	This school is not falling apart.(the blackboard collapses as Bart leaves) 	The Fabulous Faker Boy
529	May 19, 2013 	 	no gag 	The Saga of Carl
530	May 19, 2013 	 	no gag 	Dangers on a Train
==Season 25==
# 	Airdate 	Screenshot	Gag 	Episode title
531	September 29, 2013	 	
25 years and they can't come up with a new punishment. 
(possibly a reference to that there has been 25 years of chalkboard gags) 	Homerland
532	October 6, 2013 	 	All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. 
(Another reference to The Shining; Stephen King is then shown to write it repeatedly on another wall) 	Treehouse of Horror XXIV
533	November 3, 2013 	 	We'll really miss you, Mrs. K.(written only once and Bart is sad; a reference to Mrs. Krabappel's voice actress, Marcia Wallace, passing away nine days before this episode aired)	Four Regrettings and a Funeral
534	November 10, 2013 	220px
IMG_1589.PNG	My school schedule does not include a bye week.
During the episode: I will not drop a stitch 	Yolo
535	November 17, 2013 	
IMG_1590.PNG	Rocktober is not followed by Blowvember. 	Labor Pains
536	November 24, 2013 	 	no gag 	The Kid is All Right
537	December 8, 2013 	220px 	I will stop asking when Santa goes to the bathroom. 	Yellow Subterfuge
538	December 15, 2013 	220px 	I will not call my teacher 'Prancer' and 'Vixen'. 	White Christmas Blues
539	January 5, 2014 	 	no gag 	Steal This Episode
540	January 12, 2014 	
IMG_1594.PNG	Premiere: Judas Priest is not 'death metal'. 
(Reference to the band being stereotyped as such in the previous episode)Later airings: If you haven't broken your Christmas presents yet, you're not trying.	Married to the Blob
541	January 26, 2014 	 	no gag 	Specs and the City
542	March 9, 2014 	
IMG_1591.PNG	Instead of a punishment, a tournament bracket of characters is written on the chalkboard, with Homer and Jasper Beardsley in the finals. 	Diggs
543	March 9, 2014 	 	no gag 	The Man Who Grew Too Much
544	March 16, 2014 	
IMG_1592.PNG	My dad's already drunk for St. Patrick's. 	The Winter of His Content
545	March 23, 2014 	 	no gag 	The War of Art
546	March 30, 2014 	 	no gag 	You Don't Have to Live Like a Referee
547	April 6, 2014 	 	no gag 	Luca$
548	April 13, 2014 	 	no gag 	Days of Future Future
549	April 27, 2014 	
0D4971FC-5F39-42F9-BCBC-D9A651B3AAD1-3239-000006EFFDC25F71.png
IMG_1593.PNG	April showers do not bring Matt Lauers.(Hulu showings have You can't play April Fools jokes on April 27th.) 	What to Expect When Bart's Expecting
550	May 4, 2014 	 	no gag 	Brick Like Me
551	May 11, 2014 	 	no gag 	Pay Pal
552	May 18, 2014 	 	no gag 	The Yellow Badge of Cowardge
==Season 26==
# 	Airdate 	Screenshot 	Gag 	Episode title
553	September 28, 2014	 	Spoiler Alert: Unfortunately, my dad doesn't die.(reference to the controversy of the marketing for the episode, where it implied that a major character in the show would die in the premiere, with some spotlights implying that Homer would die, when it was instead Rabbi Hyman Krustofsky who dies)	Clown in the Dumps
554	October 5, 2014 	 	no gag 	The Wreck of the Relationship
555	October 12, 2014 	 	no gag 	Super Franchise Me
556	October 19, 2014 	 	no gag 	Treehouse of Horror XXV
557	November 2, 2014 	 	no gag 	Opposites A-Frack
558	November 9, 2014 	 	no gag 	Simpsorama
559	November 16, 2014 	 	no gag 	Blazed and Confused
560	November 23, 2014 	 	no gag 	Covercraft
561	December 7, 2014 	 	Reindeer meat does not taste like chicken. 	I Won't Be Home for Christmas
562	January 4, 2015 	 	no gag 	The Man Who Came to Be Dinner
563	January 11, 2015 	 	Snowmen don't have carrot penises. 	Bart's New Friend
564	January 25, 2015 	 	no gag 	The Musk Who Fell To Earth
565	February 8, 2015 	 	no gag 	Walking Big & Tall
566	February 15, 2015 	 	
Pixel art is not real art.
(the screen appears pixelated during the gag) 	My Fare Lady
567	March 1, 2015 	 	no gag 	The Princess Guide
568	March 8, 2015 	 	no gag 	Sky Police
569	March 15, 2015 	 	no gag 	Waiting for Duffman
570	April 19, 2015 	 	no gag 	Peeping Mom
571	April 26, 2015 	 	I will not pay my sister to do my punishment.(Lisa writes this while Bart is watching her) 	The Kids Are All Fight
572	May 3, 2015 	 	no gag 	Let's Go Fly a Coot
573	May 10, 2015 	 	no gag 	Bull-E
574	May 17, 2015 	220pxthumb|220pxthumb|220px	no gag (but during the episode, Bart starts writing I will not before the chalkboard is taken away and replaced with an electronic one. Putting the chalk in his pocket, Bart writes I will not fight the future. with his finger once, then copies it multiple times over and inverts the screen) 	Mathlete's Feat
==Season 27==
# 	Airdate 	Screenshot	Gag 	Episode title
575	September 27, 2015	 	no gag 	Every Man's Dream
576	October 4, 2015 	 	no gag 	Cue Detective
577	October 11, 2015 	 	no gag 	Puffless
578	October 18, 2015 	 	no gag 	Halloween of Horror
579	October 25, 2015 	 	no gag 	Treehouse of Horror XXVI
580	November 8, 2015 	 	no gag 	Friend with Benefit
581	November 22, 2015 	 	no gag 	Lisa with an "S"
582	December 6, 2015 	 	no gag 	Paths of Glory
583	December 13, 2015 	 	no gag 	Barthood
584	January 3, 2016 	 	no gag 	The Girl Code
585	January 10, 2016 	 	no gag 	Teenage Mutant Milk-caused Hurdles
586	January 17, 2016 	 	no gag 	Much Apu About Something
587	February 14, 2016 	 	Hershey Kisses do not drop from Cupid's butt. 	Love Is in the N2-O2-Ar-CO2-Ne-He-CH4
588	February 21, 2016 	 	no gag 	Gal of Constant Sorrow
589	March 6, 2016 	 	no gag 	Lisa the Veterinarian
590	March 13, 2016 	 	no gag 	The Marge-ian Chronicles
591	April 3, 2016 	 	If Villanova doesn't win we lose everything. 	The Burns Cage
592	April 10, 2016 	 	Never lose a bet to Bart Simpson.(written by Principal Skinner while Bart watches)	How Lisa Got Her Marge Back
593	April 24, 2016 	 	Dad swears he'll get his taxes in soon. 	Fland Canyon
594	May 8, 2016 	 	Dirty clothes are not a Mother's day gift. 	To Courier with Love
595	May 15, 2016 	 	no gag 	Simprovised
596	May 22, 2016 	 	Milhouse does not live below the puberty line. 	Orange is the New Yellow
==Season 28==
# 	Airdate 	Screenshot	Gag 	Episode title
597 	September 25, 2016	 	This arm needs Tommy John surgery. 	Monty Burns' Fleeing Circus
598 	October 2, 2016 	 	I will stop losing 50% of my NFL lead-in. 	Friends and Family
599 	October 9, 2016 	 	no gag 	The Town
600 	October 16, 2016 	 	no gag 	Treehouse of Horror XXVII
601 	October 23, 2016 	 	The first episode of the second 600.(This is the 601st episode of the series) 	Trust But Clarify
602 	November 6, 2016 	 	no gag 	There Will Be Buds
603 	November 13, 2016 	 	Being right sucks.(reference to The Simpsons correctly predicting the results of the 2016 election in Bart to the Future) 	Havana Wild Weekend
604 	November 20, 2016 	 	I will watch all 600 episodes without sleeping.(FXX's "The Simpsons 600 Marathon" would begin the following week) 	Dad Behavior
605 	December 4, 2016 	 	no gag 	The Last Traction Hero
606 	December 11, 2016 	 	no gag 	The Nightmare After Krustmas
607 	January 8, 2017 	 	no gag 	Pork and Burns
608/609	January 15, 2017 	 	no gag 	The Great Phatsby
610 	February 12, 2017 	 	If we're so good at predicting, how come my dad bet on Atlanta?(reference to the New England Patriots' comeback win in Super Bowl LI) 	Fatzcarraldo
611 	February 19, 2017 	 	no gag 	The Cad and the Hat
612 	March 5, 2017 	 	We're the only house where the Christmas tree is still up. 	Kamp Krustier
613 	March 12, 2017 	 	no gag 	22 For 30
614 	March 19, 2017 	
AFathrsWtchInEpChkBrdLisa.png
AFathrsWtchInEpChkBrd.png	Studying is not 'appropriating nerd culture'.(And during the episode, two instances occurred: Lisa writes Everybody's a winner. and later, Bart writes I did nothing wrong this week.)	A Father's Watch
615 	April 2, 2017 	 	no gag 	The Caper Chase
616 	April 30, 2017 	 	no gag (but during the episode, Grampa writes I just wrote one and I'm already tired.) 	Looking for Mr. Goodbart
617 	May 7, 2017 	 	no gag 	Moho House
618 	May 21, 2017 	 	Thank you for 28 great years...Taylor Swift.(Taylor Swift was born the same week The Simpsons premiered as a series) 	Dogtown
==Season 29==
# 	Airdate 	Screenshot	Gag 	Episode title
619	October 1, 2017 	 	no gag 	The Serfsons
620	October 8, 2017 	 	no gag 	Springfield Splendor
621	October 15, 2017 	220px 	It's unfair to judge a president on his first 300 days.(Donald Trump's 300th day as president was on November 12th) 	Whistler's Father
622	October 22, 2017 	 	no gag 	Treehouse of Horror XXVIII
623	November 5, 2017 	220px
IMG_1698.PNG	Hooligan is not a profession.(And during the episode, Bart writes I will not five times using multiple chalks at once)	Grampy Can Ya Hear Me
624	November 12, 2017	 	I will not ask my guidance counselor why he couldn't get a better job. 	The Old Blue Mayor She Ain't What She Used To Be
625	November 19, 2017	 	We do not live in our own pee. 
(Written by a fish Bart in an underwater classroom) 	Singin' In The Lane
626	December 3, 2017 	 	no gag 	Mr. Lisa's Opus
627	December 10, 2017	220px 	Snow angels are not frozen hobos. 	Gone Boy
628	January 7, 2018 	 	no gag 	Haw-Haw Land
629	January 14, 2018 	220px 	Strangling is not an effective parenting tool. 
(Homer is seen doing it while Bart smugly watches) 	Frink Gets Testy
630	March 18, 2018 	 	no gag 	Homer Is Where the Art Isn't
631	March 18, 2018 	 	no gag 	3 Scenes Plus a Tag from a Marriage
632	April 1, 2018 	
IMG 1539.PNG
IMG 1540.PNG	This is the last episode. 
(Bart flips the chalkboard over to reveal another punishment saying April Fool.) 	Fears of a Clown
633	April 8, 2018 	
IMG_1588.PNG	April showers did not date the President. 	No Good Read Goes Unpunished
634	April 15, 2018 	 	no gag 	King Leer
635	April 22, 2018 	220px 	I will not bet with Bart on the Final Four.(written by Homer while Bart watches) 	Lisa Gets the Blues
636	April 29, 2018 	 	no gag 	Forgive and Regret
637	May 6, 2018 	 	no gag 	Left Behind
638	May 13, 2018 	 	no gag 	Throw Grampa from the Dane
639	May 20, 2018 	 	no gag 	Flanders' Ladder
==Season 30==
# 	Airdate 	Screenshot	Gag 	Episode title
640	September 30, 2018	 	no gag 	Bart's Not Dead
641	October 7, 2018 	 	no gag 	Heartbreak Hotel
642	October 14, 2018 	 	no gag 	My Way or the Highway to Heaven
643	October 21, 2018 	 	no gag 	Treehouse of Horror XXIX
644	November 4, 2018 	 	no gag 	Baby You Can't Drive My Car
645	November 11, 2018 	
475C4D44-990C-488A-B855-A61DC9FFEFC9-9866-00001A7EE13DDDBA.png	I will not order pregnant rats. 
(written on the street during the episode) 	From Russia Without Love
646	November 18, 2018 	 	no gag 	Werking Mom
647	November 25, 2018 	 	no gag 	Krusty the Clown
648	December 2, 2018 	
IMG_1558.PNG	My pre-Christmas behavior really helps the coal industry 	Daddicus Finch
649	December 9, 2018 	
5A97478F-CEEB-4630-A6F3-5C8668F28F80-1043-0000027D32FA357E.png	The fat man who works one night a year is my dad 	'Tis the 30th Season
650	January 6, 2019 	
IMG 1334.PNG	My new year's resolution was to quit school 	Mad About the Toy
651	January 13, 2019 	 	no gag 	The Girl on The Bus
652	February 10, 2019 	 	no gag 	I'm Dancing As Fat As I Can
653	February 17, 2019 	 	no gag 	The Clown Stays in the Picture
654	March 3, 2019 	
IMG 134.PNG	Chili fries do not go in like a lamb and out like a lion 	101 Mitigations
655	March 10, 2019 	
IMG_1568.PNG
IMG 1355.PNG	Much like Diggs, a bracket-style tournament is drawn on the chalkboard, with Krusty and Apu being in the finals. 	I Want You (She's So Heavy)
656	March 17, 2019 	 	no gag 	E My Sports
657	March 24, 2019 	 	no gag 	Bart vs. Itchy & Scratchy
658	March 31, 2019 	
IMG 1359.PNG	I am not a grandmother 	Girl's in the Band
659	April 7, 2019 	
IMG 1566.PNG	I will not write "audit please" on Homer's tax return. 	I'm Just a Girl Who Can't Say D'oh
660	April 28, 2019 	
IMG 1369.PNG
IMG 1370.PNG	Bart writes "Haw Haw!" on it, but then hits the blackboard, which rotates to reveal Nelson taped to the other side.	D'oh Canada
661	May 5, 2019 	 	no gag 	Woo-hoo Dunnit?
662	May 12, 2019 	
IMG 1531.PNG	no gag
During the episode, Bart writes
I will not shirk my responsibilities. 	Crystal Blue-Haired Persuasion
==Season 31==
# 	Airdate 	Screenshot	Gag 	Episode title
663	September 29, 2019	 	no gag 	The Winter of Our Monetized Content
664	October 6, 2019 	 	no gag 	Go Big or Go Homer
665	October 13, 2019 	 	no gag 	The Fat Blue Line
666	October 20, 2019 	 	no gag 	Treehouse of Horror XXX
667	November 3, 2019 	 	no gag 	Gorillas on the Mast
668	November 10, 2019 	
IMG 1887.PNG	Daylight savings isn't something I can spend 	Marge the Lumberjill
669	November 17, 2019 	 	no gag 	Livin La Pura Vida
670	November 24, 2019 	 	no gag 	Thanksgiving of Horror
671	December 1, 2019 	
IMG 1949.PNG	Idle hands are the Devil's tools.(written by Todd Flanders using both of his hands)	Todd, Todd, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?
672	December 15, 2019 	 	no gag 	Bobby, It's Cold Outside
673	January 5, 2020 	
2E02E891-08C6-480B-BF68-B3E9EDF3D95B.jpeg	Teacher spent new year's eve at home by choice 	Hail to the Teeth
674	February 16, 2020 	 	no gag 	The Miseducation of Lisa Simpson
675	February 23, 2020 	 	no gag 	Frinkcoin
676	March 1, 2020 	 	no gag 	Bart the Bad Guy
677	March 8, 2020 	 	no gag 	Screenless
678	March 15, 2020 	
288F5E4E-1FF4-40E7-82BD-1AA87C0767D6.jpeg	Bart is at a Doctor's appointment.(Written by Lisa) 	Better Off Ned (episode)
679	March 22, 2020 	 	no gag 	Highway to Well
680	April 19, 2020 	
B7E16733-A91B-4567-B8B9-CC777B486740.jpeg
B042D788-F778-447E-BE0A-DEC3B4E1F203.jpeg	School online
(One line is already written and Bart is absent; a reference to the COVID-19 pandemic)
("I must not write on mountain", written by Bart on the snowy mountain during the couch gag)	The Incredible Lightness of Being a Baby
681	April 26, 2020 	
2BC2739E-67A0-481E-B8D6-0CD34AE328E6.jpeg
C66651DA-7FFB-47E1-83E1-53A0BF750C9D.jpeg	How did the boy get me to do this?(Written by Homer while Bart watches) 	Warrin' Priests (Part One)
682	May 3, 2020 	 	I will stop reminding the principal I have a later bedtime than he does. 	Warrin' Priests (Part Two)
683	May 10, 2020 	 	no gag 	The Hateful Eight-Year-Olds
684	May 17, 2020 	 	no gag 	Way of the Dog
==Season 32==
# 	Airdate 	Screenshot	Gag 	Episode Title
685	September 27, 2020	 	no gag 	Undercover Burns
686	October 4, 2020 	 	no gag 	I, Carumbus
687	October 11, 2020 	 	no gag 	Now Museum, Now You Don't
688	November 1, 2020 	 	no gag 	Treehouse of Horror XXXI
689	November 8, 2020 	 	no gag 	The 7 Beer Itch
690	November 15, 2020 	 	no gag 	Podcast News
691	November 22, 2020 	 	no gag 	Three Dreams Denied
692	November 29, 2020 	 	no gag 	The Road to Cincinnati
693	December 6, 2020 	 	I will not put laxatives in Santa's cookies. 	Sorry Not Sorry
694	December 13, 2020 	 	no gag 	A Springfield Summer Christmas for
Christmas
695	January 3, 2021 	 	no gag 	The Dad-Feelings Limited
696	February 21, 2021 	 	(During the episode) I will never be a teacher's pet.	Diary Queen
697	February 28, 2021 	 	no gag 	Wad Goals
698	March 7, 2021 	 	no gag 	Yokel Hero
699	March 14, 2021 	 	no gag 	Do PizzaBots Dream of Electric Guitars?
700	March 21, 2021 	 	no gag 	Manger Things
701	March 28, 2021 	 	no gag 	Uncut Femmes
702	April 11, 2021 	 	no gag 	Burger Kings
703	April 18, 2021 	 	no gag 	Panic on the Streets of Springfield
704	May 9, 2021 	 	no gag 	Mother and Child Reunion
705	May 16, 2021 	 	no gag 	The Man from G.R.A.M.P.A.
706	May 23, 2021 	 	no gag 	The Last Barfighter
==Season 33==
# 	Airdate 	Screenshot	Gag 	Episode Title
707	September 26, 2021	 	no gag 	The Star of the Backstage
708	October 3, 2021 	 	no gag 	Bart's in Jail!
709	October 10, 2021 	 	(During the episode) I hate rhyming couplets.	Treehouse of Horror XXXII
710	October 17, 2021 	 	no gag 	The Wayz We Were
711	October 24, 2021 	 	no gag 	Lisa's Belly
712	November 7, 2021 	 	no gag 	A Serious Flanders: Part One
713	November 14, 2021 	 	no gag 	A Serious Flanders: Part Two
714	November 21, 2021 	 	no gag 	Portrait of a Lackey on Fire
715	November 28, 2021 	 	no gag 	Mothers and Other Strangers
716	December 19, 2021 	 	no gag 	A Made Maggie
717	January 2, 2022 	 	no gag 	The Longest Marge
718	February 27, 2022 	 	no gag 	Pixelated and Afraid
719	March 6, 2022 	 	no gag 	Boyz N the Highlands
720	March 13, 2022 	 	no gag 	You Won't Believe What This Episode Is About - Act
Three Will Shock You!
721	March 20, 2022 	 	no gag 	Bart the Cool Kid
722	March 27, 2022 	 	no gag 	Pretty Whittle Liar
723	April 10, 2022 	 	no gag 	The Sound of Bleeding Gums
724	April 24, 2022 	 	(During the episode) 
I will not express my feelings through chaos.	My Octopus and a Teacher
725	May 1, 2022 	 	no gag 	Girls Just Shauna Have Fun
726	May 8, 2022 	 	(During the reversed opening sequence in the end credits)
I will not violate the laws of entropy.	Marge the Meanie
727	May 15, 2022 	 	TBA 	Meat Is Murder
728	May 22, 2022 	 	TBA 	Poorhouse Rock
==Season 34==
# 	Airdate 	Screenshot	Gag 	Episode Title
729	September 25, 2022	 	no gag	Habeas Tortoise
730	October 2, 2022 	 	no gag	One Angry Lisa
731	October 9, 2022 	 	no gag	Lisa the Boy Scout
732	October 16, 2022 	 	no gag	The King of Nice
733	October 23, 2022 	 	no gag	Not It
734	October 30, 2022 	 	no gag	Treehouse of Horror XXXIII
735	November 13, 2022 	 	no gag	From Beer to Paternity
736	November 20, 2022 	 	no gag	Step Brother from the Same Planet
737	November 27, 2022 	 	no gag	When Nelson Met Lisa
738	December 4, 2022 	 	no gag	Game Done Changed
739	December 11, 2022 	 	no gag	Top Goon
740	January 1, 2023 	 	no gag	My Life as a Vlog
741	February 9, 2023 	 	no gag	The Many Saints of Springfield
742	February 26, 2023 	 	no gag	Carl Carlson Rides Again
743	March 5, 2023 	 	no gag	Bartless
744	March 12, 2023 	 	no gag	Hostile Kirk Place
745	March 19, 2023 	 	no gag	Pin Gal
746	April 23, 2023 	 	no gag	Fan-ily Feud
747	April 30, 2023 	 	no gag	Write Off This Episode
748	May 7, 2023 	 	no gag	The Very Hungry Caterpillars
749	May 14, 2023 	 	no gag	Clown V. Board of Education
750	May 21, 2023 	
File:750th Episode Chalkboard Gag (1).png
File:750th Episode Chalkboard Gag (2).png	"I will not try to cram 750 characters into the opening credits" 
(750 characters do appear throughout the intro, with several of them appearing in the classroom. A reference to the episode it is seen being the 750th episode of the series)	Homer's Adventures Through the Windshield Glass
== Season 35 ==
== Season 36 ==
== Advertising and Promotional material ==
#	Airdate/Episode Title 	Screenshot	Chalkboard Gag/Note
1	November 2, 1996"Fox Kids Bartcasting"	 	I will not take over a TV network. (Referencing the premise of the promotional event, in which Bart takes over Fox Kids to broadcast his own bumpers including new clips from The Simpsons.)
==In non-Simpsons media==
Original show 	Airdate 	Screenshot	Gag 	Episode title 	Written by
The FairlyOdd 	July 23, 2004 	 	This is the sincerest form of flattery.(The Feldmans is a parody of The Simpsons)	Channel Chasers 	Timmy Turner
South Park 	April 12, 2006 	 	I hate Family Guy. 	Cartoon Wars Part II 	Bart Simpson
Invader Zim 	1999 (Completion year)
December 24, 2011	 	Zim
is not an alien.Yes he is.My hand hurts.My hand is going to fall off.ZIM dissects farm animals.	Pilot 	Dib
Family Guy 	September 28, 2014	 	I will not think about Bart anymore. 	The Simpsons Guy 	Stewie Griffin
Histeria! 	November 7, 1998 	 	I do not need a megaphone! 	The Thomas Jefferson Program	Loud Kiddington
Phineas and Ferb 	July 12, 2013 	 	"Animals are People Too!" 	La Candace-Cabra 	Major Monogram
Power Rangers Ninja Storm	July 26, 2003 	 	"My Uncle Lothor's Evil Empire" 	Sensei Switcheroo 	Marah & Kapri
Kid vs. Kat 	May 14, 2011 	 	"I will not break priceless space artifacts" 	Coop D'Etat 	Coop
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Category:Running gags
Category:Opening Sequence gags