2014.04.18 - Pirates!

It happens at some point in the afternoon, in downtown New York City. A figure -- large, brutish, burly -- running through the streets, shoving his way past people. Frantic, desperate, his eyes full of fear.
He's a large, heavy-set man; broad-shouldered, with a bushy black beard -- clad in the tattered rags of a world traveler. The smell of sea-salt clings to him like a cloud; atop of his head is a beaten, worn out sailor's cap -- his teeth clenched as he charges.
"--e's comin', e's comin', out of my way--"
Not too far behind this charging figure, an armored truck is in pursuit -- weaving its way through the streets. Careful to obey traffic laws, even as it cuts another car off here and there. The truck has, on its side, the label 'TESLADYNE INDUSTRIES'. It is driven by a very menacing looking man with graying hair and a scowl so deep it seems to have been carved on his features.
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Billy had been out today for a goal. A very simple goal. To commit evil. What type of evil, do you ask? ...He had no idea. He'd make it up as he went along, be known as the most creative villain ever. That was when he saw the armored truck. It was a jackpot..probably something pretty great in there. He went into an alley, somehow rapidly put on his labcoat, gloves, and goggles, and pulls out the teeny blaster that fits in his hand. He called it the Tornado Gun, because it sent out powerful force to knock something away.
At this point, Doctor Horrible ran out..with no one really paying him much mind, as he pointed the Tornado Ray at the armored van. And prepared it for firing.
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Lunair likes shopping. She's not really evil. She's just a mercenary. And when life gives you weapons powers, you hit things! That's just how it works. She has a bag of clothes at her side and a backpack on as she makes her way through along the sidewalks. And then suddenly! Armored truck! A man in a sailor cap who is afraid of the truck. "I'm afraid of white vans but they're usually trying to -" Pause. Don't say that out loud.
She goes quiet and makes her way towards the fellow and to see the truck. This is - interesting. Also, when you are squishy, it's best to look before diving in. Tesladyne... why is that - hmmm.
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"--e's comin' e's comin' e's comin--" The man in the sailor cap continues, reciting the words like some terrified mantra. He's a tall one; easily topping out around six and a half feet -- as he stumbles forward, Lunair approaches -- just as -- umf! He trips over the curb, launching forward to the ground -- landing on his hands and knees in front of the woman. A rough, scarred face -- one that's seen plenty of hardship -- snaps up to look at the stranger with wide, round, terrified eyes:
"--he's coming oh God save me, someone save me--"
The truck's occupants remain oblivious to Doctor Horrible's presence; the driver's eyes are narrowed and focused on the retreating figure in the sailor cap. But inside the truck's interior... a machine man, short and squat with a pug-like face, sits -- his metal fingers tapping at the console in front of him, reading the view-out. "Jenkins," Atomic Robo rumbles, his voice a heavily synthesized growl, "I'm getting -- uh, a pretty powerful... okay I think this is bad."
Back outside, the man who has stumbled in front of Lunair is struggling to get to his feet -- something falls out of his coat, hitting the ground with a clank and rolling toward her ankle. It looks like... a metal can? With a label. The sort you'd expect to see in a grocery store. "Save me save me save me--" he continues, flailing and struggling up to his feet.
High above, the skies -- sunny and mostly clear just a moment ago -- produce an ominous rumble, clouds growing thick and sponge-like.
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"Now you face the wrath..OF DOCTOR HORRIBLE!". Doctor Horrible casts out his slightly perfected evil laugh, as he fires the Tornado Gun..which, whilst the pressure flies at the back of the truck..so does the gun. The gun shatters, as Doctor Horrible winces. And then he's staring up to the sky. "..That is totally not my fault I should be going now.".
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Blink. Her eyes widen as he stumbles forward. "Eek! Are you okay? Who's coming?" She offers her hands to the man. Lunair looks confused. She'll help him up if he's not already up. And then there's a metal can. She'll reach to pick it up. "What am I saving from?" She asks, confused. And there's a pause as - the clouds are rumbling? She looks to the man and his can. This is getting strange.
And then some guy is laughing and - Doctor Horrible? "Oh - is that the calculus professor?" No, wait... Doctor Horrible's evil laugh and his gun apparently flying at the back of the truck makes her look confused. "... maybe he's a cosplayer." Baffled. Completely baffled. Nevertheless, she'll help the strange man to his feet and give him back his can.
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"--define 'bad'," the driver -- Jenkins -- growls back to Atomic Robo. Atomic Robo immediately replies:
"It's the Pirate Dimension."
At that instant, three things happen: The Tornado gun goes off, sending the Tesladyne truck reeling backward -- smashing onto its side, skidding in an explosion of sparks as it crashes into a mini-van to its left, crumpling metal and bringing traffic to a screeching halt. The skies above rumble; the clouds grow thicker, before erupting in a flash of light... exposing the tip of an emerging... ship? Yes -- a ship in the sky. The schooner appears to be floating on its own power, its mast cresting through the 'clouds' -- revealed now to be a swirling eddy of dimensional energy -- nearly fifty yards overhead...
And Lunair can now read the label on the can as she hands it back to the terrified, trembling giant of a man. It reads, quite simply, in generic print: 'SPINACH'.
"BLUTO." The voice booms from above, at the crest of the ship; a hooded figure stands on deck, staring down at the man -- at Lunair -- at the people below, who are all beginning to run like hell. A corn cob pipe emerges from beneath that hood. 
"Y'bleedin bilge-rat; y'done hornswoggled me out of me booty for th'last time. Make amends to your heathen Gods, curr; I'll be escortin' you to Davy Jones, tonight."
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When the van actually goes flying, Doctor Horrible's arms fly up in success that the gun actually worked..before he begins panicking at the ship in the sky. "THAT TOTALLY WASN'T ME, I SWEAR.". He screams for..anyone listening, before he sees what is going on with Bluto and Lunair, running over there and pulling out another tiny gun. Tiny gun night! It's just a heat ray, though, so, meh. Doctor Horrible is tackling Lunair down, as he whispers to her. "Stay down. I'm a supervillain, I can protect you.". ...What.
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Blink. Her eyes widen. She tries not to giggle at the poor doctor. And then suddenly, Lunair gets tackled down. She gasps and falls over. Her eyes widen as he whispers. Then she giggles. And whispers back, "It's okay! I'm a mercenary. I'll look after you, too. One sec." She'll try to sit up, hearing the pirate argument. Wait. Did she just give back stolen loot? Her face pales a little. "Wow."
She looks up to the man and his ship. "Um. I think you riled up the wrong people, sir..." She has no idea whose side to take. Except that out of freaking nowhere, she pulls a long, slender white laser cannon. It looks more at home on a mech than a young adult. "Yeah, this might get ugly. Um." Pause. Wave to the pirates. "Hi! Sorry, no idea what's going on. But uh." Uh oh. Well. Is a fight unavoidable? Just in case, at least she has her cannon.
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Jenkins and Robo are slowly struggling their way out of the Tesladyne truck; or, at least, Jenkins is -- Robo just punches the side, causing the sliding door to SMASH off beneath his metal fist. Soon, the machine man is clamboring out -- clad in a red t-shirt that says 'BACK OFF MAN, I'M A SCIENTIST' and khaki pants -- along with a holster around his waist that holds an unusual looking... ray gun? Jenkins -- clad in military fatigues -- is still working on clamboring out the door window.
'Bluto' is staring up at the ship with abject terror, 'SPINACH' can in his hand; the ship continues to merely hover -- as the hooded figure springs from it, descending toward the ground. Bluto shrieks, stumbling past Lunair and Doctor Horrible; people in the street begin running, shouting and hollering -- a wave of escaping citizens rushing in either direction. People are abandoning their cars, families running into nearby buildings... the police have probably been notified.
The hooded man hits the hood of a small Honda Scion; it crumples benaeth his feet, the windshield popping in a burst of glass. He is short; five and a half feet -- but something about his build seems... exagerrated. It's hard to make out beneath that hood, but...
"So y'be puttin' together yer own swarthy crew," the hooded pirate rumbles as he eyes up Lunair and Horrible -- in front of the cowering Bluto. "No matter. I'll see to it th'lot of yeh bilge-sucking pratlings end up spendin' yer days rottin' in the briny deep."
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Doctor Horrible doesn't prevent Lunair from sitting up, as /he/ is moving behind Lunair, kind of sheepishly with his heat ray being pointed first at the ship, and then at the hooded man. "Crew? Yes, crew! I am the leader, the amazing supervillain Doctor Horrible!". Doctor Horrible tries to growl like a pirate..it totally fails. He continues to cower behind Lunair, too.
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And Lunair's the one with the huge - cannon. Singular. "But I'm not even a pirate...! I tried diplomacy!" Unfortunately, she has no dots and a social skill penalty. It's not looking good for her. Then there's a pause. "... I don't think we're going to convince him," she offers quietly to Doctor Horrible. And then she notices the hooded man and the fellow in the t-shirt. "Well, he's a scientist." Two scientists? How unusual. She feels so small with her degree-in-Botany-in-progress.
But she's somehow intelligent enough to create a working laser cannon out of nowhere. It's an odd paradox. People are running and shrieking. Then she catches on. "Um. Why am I the meat shield?" She seems concerned. And just for backup, she pulls a cute looking staff - a stick with a round topper that has a cat's tail and ears. "GO AWAY." Swing! And a boom! It's a shockwave generating staff.
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The shockwave hits the hooded man head-on, smashing him into the body of the Honda Scion -- causing it to crumple and collapse beneath his weight, the car skidding back. The hood drops; that massive chin -- squinty eyes -- and corncob pipe -- are revealed.
Now people are really running. The street is almost clear of everyone; everyone, save Doctor Horrible, Lunair, Bluto, Atomic Robo -- who's just now dropped to asphalt, having escaped his wrecked truck -- and Jenkins, who just finished crawling his way out of the door. Jenkins cracks his knuckles; Robo pulls the gun saddled at his hip: "--watch out," he warns Jenkins. "These guys are pretty..."
"Aaaaaah-gah-gah-gah-gah!" That would be the pirate with the corncob pipe. He's laughing, the sound high-pitched and rapid-fire; he stands up, leaving a man-shaped impression in the car behind him -- grinning. "That tickled, m'pretty." He reaches back, his ridiculously oversized forearms clenching as fingers dent into the crumpling metal of the car, beginning to heft it up...!
Bluto is starting to run, now -- the large, brawly man is using Lunair and Doctor Horrible as obstacles between him and the interdimensional pirate. Meanwhile, Robo's metal eyelids are narrowing to slits: "--tough."
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Horrible is still using Lunair as a meat shield. "Because my track record as a supervillain is partially low but I am /improving/ I have been taking seminars!". Doctor Horrible is pointing his heat ray at the hooded pirate, a pull of the trigger. The blast is hot..especially to the metal in the gun, which conducts the heat into burning Doctor Horrible's hand. The gun falls to the ground, as he ducks back into meatshield cover. "OW HOT HOT, AGH!".
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Poor Lunair. She's still just an average person, although she seems to be pulling out of weapons. She looks horrified as 'pop-eye' gets back up. "Into cover! And I don't mean me!" Even if she takes the hit, Lunair is still going to go splat if she gets hit with it. She'll duck behind something - a car, a cement wall and pull Doctor Horrible with her if he isn't there already. And a quizzical look as his gun backfires. "Um." Taking sympathy, she carefully offers him a modest plasma gun. Her weapons seem to be on the sleek side. No Liefieldian models here, even if her powers are so Liefieldian it's a wonder her chest isn't huge and her toes pointed. Ahem.
Nevertheless, she's worried. "Crud. Um, sir!" Wave to Bluto and/or the robot gentleman in the sciency shirt. "... anyone know if he's got a weakness?" Her and her huge laser cannon are behind cover at least.
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Bluto is getting the hell out of dodge. Atomic Robo, though -- he's just opening fire on the interdimensional pirate. But when he pulls the trigger... the gun just produces a series of sparks. Bright blue eyes swing down, staring at the severed cord that attaches from his lightning gun to the battery pack attached to his hip -- cut during the accident that sent his Tesladyne truck skidding. "Crap," he rumbles, before glancing back up to Lunair, and: "Punching! His weakness is PUNCHING!"
Meanwhile, the heat ray hits the pirate straight on in the chest -- prompting him to yelp. The car is flung forward, blindly; it smashes down in front of him as he staggers back, squinty eyes glaring. Then, he brings two fingers up to his mouth, shoving them in -- and producing a sharp, high-pitched whistle. 
Lengths of long, heavy rope descend from the sides of the ship that hovers above, dropping to the streets below; two more figures slip down the rope, using long straps of leather to slide safely toward the ground.
One is a woman; long and skinny, she is absurdly slender, clad in a leather vest and pants -- her jetblack hair is tied up in a bun behind her head, her eyes narrowed and beady. Two scimitars are upon her sides -- both drawn with a *SNKT*, the blades gleaming as she grins, and speaks: "YARRR."
The second is a large man; fat and tubby, with whiskers beneath his large, bulbous nose -- he is clad similarly in a loose-fitting leather jerkin and trousers, with an unusual brown hat atop of his wholly bald head. He holds what appears to be a very large CLUB in his left hand. "I will gladly kill them today for a hamburger on Tuesday," the man informs the lead pirate -- who grimaces, clutching his chest.
"Aye," the leader with the corncob pipe rumbles. "Sic 'em, me mateys!"'
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As the sight of the plasma gun (after he is dragged behind cover), Doctor Horrible's eyes widen as he grabs it. "This..I could rule the /world/ with this.". Doctor Horrible leans up from cover to fire his plasma rifle, first at the leader, and then at the fat pirate. He doesn't shoot girls. "Uh, are you any good at punching? I don't punch. I get punched, but I don't punch.". This is followed by several more shots before ducking back into cover. He's no marksman, but his aim isn't too terrible.
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Punching? "Oh. I'm not a martial artist." Sadface. That's not good. Lunair looks to Atomic. "Did you need a weapon?" She offers. And then she looks horrified. More pirates? MORE PIRATES! "I mean. I'm not horrible - I've been learning but -" She would likely get bones broken if she tried. Lunair is a gun bunny, it seems. She looks a bit baffled by Horrible's reaction to her weapon. She just lets it go, though. She props up the alarmingly large cannon and will take aim at the skinny lady. She is content to hit anyone in her path. She's a pretty good marksman to boot. White sparks dance at the end of the long, slender weapon and a startlingly big (notice a theme here? Is she overcompensating? You better believe it!) beam of light hurtles out. "This just keeps getting stranger..."
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PEW, PEW, PEW. The blasts of energy fired from Doctor Horrible's plasma ray manage to slam into the fat pirate; he's sent reeling back as a brilliant surge of light splashes up across his torso in a wave, scorching leather and causing him to crumple to one leg. The girl pirate, meanwhile, spins -- leaping and springing atop of a nearby car as Lunair fires, her blades spiraling in front of her in a defensive pattern -- hissing -- right before... *THWACK*. The next shot hits her right in her smarmy, scrawny face -- sending her flipping, reeling behind the car and onto the ground.
...which leaves the leader, now charging head-long toward Lunair, apparently intent on taking her up on the fact that she's not much of a fighter. With his chest still smoldering from the heat ray, he's engaging in a direct charge, swinging his fist out to attempt and clock her in the chest -- enough force behind it to possibly send her reeling backwards.
Robo, meanwhile, is springing atop of the fat pirate, metal fists descending to proceed with the PUNCHING. The lady pirate has gotten up to her feet, only to find herself confronted with a JENKINS -- who has pulled out a nasty military knife and assumed a combat stance.
Which means the leader is left to... Lunair. And possibly Doctor Horrible. PUNCH, PUNCH, PUNCH. "--bloody landlubbers--!"
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Oh hell no. Doctor Horrible isn't going to punch a pirate. Leaving over the leader of the pirates, Doctor Horrible calls moral support from afar. "Good luck! I can..provide covering fire? Or maybe run away?". Doctor Horrible thinks about it for a moment, but his morality gets to him. His true morality. He's firing the plasma gun at the pirate leader, trying not to hit Lunair, as he moves out of his cover. His shot is very bad whilst he's moving, though, as he takes cover by another overturned car.
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"Ohcrap." Lunair HAS been studying martial arts, but she's not ready to take on a full boxer or martial artist. She dismisses her large cannon. "You came to OUR home and started attacking us!" She flails. She keeps her staff with her, but she's no close ranged fighter. And while she blocks a good chunk of the force with her staff, Lunair goes flying past Doctor Horrible. She doesn't scream when hit at least, but she does ack a bit. "Gah! Seriously!?" It takes her a bit to get to her feet. She's definitely bruised at the least. She struggles to her feet and takes a swing with her staff back. "Ow. how do people do this for a living!?"
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PEW, PEW, PEW -- plasma shots hit the Pirate Captain, forcing one of those burly, thick arms up to cover himself -- splashing white hot lances of heat across his tattoo'd skin. "Nerrgh!" He is apparently not happy about this; the shockwave from Lunair's staff is sufficient to send him reeling back again -- this time into the side of a building, slamming hard into a brick wall. Stone cracks; his head snaps back; he grunts, shaking his head about...
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Robo's managed to throw the fat pirate into the wreckage of that poor, battered Scion -- he is now pretty much just slamming the poor guy into it, again and again. CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! Jenkins is engaged in a flashy little sword-fight against the scimitar-wielding lady pirate; thin as a rail, she is spinning and cart-wheeling about as he is forced back with spark after spark. And...
"*Ptooie*!" The leader spits out a chunk of concrete, shaking his head: "Th'landlubbers 'ere are heartier than I figured, lads -- back to th'schooner! We'll retrieve our booty later!" He's clamboring up to his feet, moving toward the lengths of rope dangling from the ship...
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At the apparent victory, Doctor Horrible is throwing his arms into the air. "We wiiin! Wait. You're not going to see me as a superhero now, right? I'm totally evil. Promises. They don't call me DOCTOR HORRIBLE for no reason..actually no one calls me that. But they should.". Doctor Horrible grins at the plasma gun, holding it tight to himself. "Good teamwork, I guess. You should totally become a supervillain. Perhaps Gunchick. Blaster Lass? You'll think of something.".
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Lunair gasps, wheezing a bit. Her ribs are angry and reminding her that she's squishy. "Y-yeah... you do that..." Cough. She uses her staff to lean on a bit. Deep breaths hurt. She looks to Doctor Horrible, tilts her head "You confuse me, mostly. And ummm... I'm not really a villain," She rubs the back of her head. "Also, that gun won't be around forever. But I guess if you wanted to look at it or mess with it, I can leave it be for awhile. I can only break the laws of physics so long." And she violates that law of thermodynamics harder than Tumblr on Loki/Thor slash fiction. "We did well."
Then she remembers the robot fellow and his friend. "Hey! Are you two okay?" And regrets yelling. Oooh. Ribs. Wince.
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The fat pirate has apparently stumbled away from Robo (who isn't getting in his way) to latch onto one of the ropes; the skinny pirate lady is spinning away from a grizzled, growling Jenkins -- snatching up the rope high overhead. The pirate Captain snatches the rope underneath her, and -- suddenly they're being reeled up at once, sliding toward the ship in the sky, rapidly vanishing up on the deck.
Jenkins watches, stepping back, spinning the knife from one hand to the other; Robo is moving toward the sideways truck, putting his hands up against its underside -- and slowly yet surely beginning to flip it back onto its wheels. The ship, meanwhile, is beginning to back up among a swirling eddy of interdimensional energies... all the while as the Pirate Captain lets loose with his sinister laugh: "We'll be back, y'bilge rats! Ah-gah-gah-gah-gah-gah...!"
"Nngh," Robo replies, bright blue eyes swinging over to glance at Lunair, in the distance -- the sound of police sirens is descending on the area. As the truck rolls over with a clunk, he waves his hand to her. "S'fine, s'fine -- check and see -- anyone seriously injured?" Jenkins is already on medic duty, sweeping over the immediate area to see if anyone has any serious wounds. Most of the citizenry seems to have cleared out; the most damage done was to a Honda and the wall of a building, when the pirate Captain smashed into it.
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At the sirens, Doctor Horrible is just quickly nodding to Lunair. "Okay okay thank you gotta go I THINK I LEFT THE LAUNDRY RUNNING.". At this point, Doctor Horrible is sprinting away like a mad man. SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST!
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Aside from the pain, Lunair looks more than a little confused by this Pirate and his interdimensional ship. Baffled, even. "I'm bruised like a grape at a clog dancing convention, but I'll live." She leans on her staff and takes a look around. "I think most people ran away," She admits. She's trying to look stoic. No one likes a whiner! She watches up to the sky before looking to Robo. She pauses as Doctor Horrible goes. "No problem. See you!" Waves. What an odd gentleman. She just looks puzzled. "Thank you for your help," A nod to Jenkins and Robo. She seems well mannered.
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"Alright," Robo replies to Lunair, clamboring inside the Tesladyne truck -- a little worse for wear, but still... maybe? Operational. "I've got to do some calculations, see if I can't figure out what the hell just happened --" A quick glance is thrown at Doctor Horrible's way as he runs off; metal eyelids descend to narrow his gaze on the retreating scientist... but then he returns to the interior of his truck. Jenkins keeps going through his rounds, even as the flashing lights of emergency response vehicles arrives to clean up the mess.
Category:Log
Category:BIRTHDAY