Don't Breathe!

Don't Breathe! is the # episode of CuldeeFell Shortz Season 2.
== Script ==
SYNOPSIS - The Dastardly Three are back at it again as they hear that a rich man has moved into town who is also blind. The Dastardly Three decide to rob the blind man's house, but they do not know that he is a war veteran and that he can hear very well, causing the three to go through a robbery filled with scary situations, loud rottweilers, and old memories. Will The Dastardly Three succeed in their robbery for the first time in a long time?
(It starts off at an alleyway. Boney and Goombar are seen talking)
Goombar: So what's the plan now so far.
Boney: Eh. I got nothing. The whole things just probably gonna fall over like it always does. I mean we robbed Sunny's house, got arrested then beaten up. Robbed Frida's house. Beaten up and arrested. Robbed Culdee's house, almost KILLED and arrested. Coconut Fred's house, killed. We just can't catch a break.
Goombar: True. These people are smart.
Bett: Guys guys guys! I got a brand new idea for a heist!
Boney: Eh don't bother Bett. It won't work.
Bett: Just let me talk. Alright so this new person has moved into the neighbor hood. He is also very rich! Almost rich as Goodman and Scrooge McDuck combined!
Boney: Hmmm. That does sound promising. Do you think he has any security around?
Bett: Nothing of clue so far.
Goombar: Maybe we should check the place out and scan for cameras and all that.
Boney: Good idea Goombar! Let's go!
(The Dastardly Three run off. It then cuts to the three hiding behind a bush looking at a house)
Boney: You see anything?
Goombar: I do see a few cameras, but with some hacking we could be able to break in.
Bett: Hey look! Theres the man coming out to walk his dog.
(An old muscular man is seen exiting the house to walk his rottweiler.
Goombar: Man that dog looks fierce.
Bett: True. Hopefully I don't get bit by it. It might have rabies or something.
Boney: Wait a minute? Is that man holding a cane?
(Boney sees that the man is holding a cane while walking the dog)
Boney: Oh this is gonna be TOO EASY!
Bett: What are you talking about?
Boney: Don't you see by the cane! That man is blind! Taking his money will be like taking candy from a baby!
Bett: You do have a point boss!
Goombar: Genius!
Boney: Alright boys. We rob the house tonight so people wont see us.
(The three sneak off. It then cuts to midnight. The three are seen walking up the house)
Boney: Alright here we are. You got the stuff?
Goombar: Yep!
Bett: Righto!
Boney: Aight. Let's go.
(Boney then sneaks into the house through the bushes. He grabs a tablet and points it at the cameras turning them off)
Boney: Alright the cameras are off.
Goombar: Nice!
Bett: ...
Boney: You alright Bett?
Bett: Don't you think it's a little f***ed up we're doing this. I mean we are robbing a blind man.
Boney: Oh don't be such a p***y, Bett. He won't even know that we're here.
Bett: A-alright then.
(Bett then lock picks the door and opens it)
Boney: Good job Bett-
(Suddenly the alarm goes off)
Boney: CRAP! HURRY AND TURN IT OFF!
(Meanwhile upstairs, the blind man is seen asleep upstairs when he hears the alarm going off)
The Veteran: What the?
(Boney runs in and hacks into the alarm turning it off)
Boney: Ah phew that was close.
The Veteran: Who's there?
Bett: Aw crap! We woke him up!
Boney: Relax. The dude's blind. He can't fight back.
Bett: I still think it's best if we at least hide.
Boney: Bett stop being such a wimp.
Bett: You know what? Screw this. You guys can go die yourselves, this time im getting out of here.
(Bett walks off)
Boney: What a wimp.
Goombar: Heh yeah.
(The two then get interupted when they see the veteran standing in a hallway)
Goombar: Oh s***.
Boney: Relax Goombar, i got this.
The Veteran: Who the hell are you? What are you doing in my house?
Boney: Oh your house? Oh im sorry, i must have stumbled in drunk.
The Veteran: Oh your one of those people huh? Well i forgive you as long as you get the hell out of my property!
Boney: Will do sir, will do.
The Veteran: Yeah thats what i thou-
(Suddenly the veteran steps on the broken lock. He then gets a suspicious look on his face)
The Veteran: How can you stumble in drunk when you lock picked my door?
Boney: Well uh, you see-
The Veteran: That's it, your dead theif-
(Boney then brings out his gun)
Boney: Woah woah there sir, one more step and your gonna be so full of lead you'll have to use your d*** as a pencil.
(The veteran puts his hands up)
The Veteran: Okay im sorry! Please dont shoot!
Goombar: Wow, we got him to surrender.
Boney: Yep, this guy's belongings are all ours-
(While Boney is off guard, the veteran runs up to him and disarms him. He knocks Boney to the wall)
Boney: GAH! OKAY PLEASE ILL LEAVE JUST LET ME GO!
The Veteran: Who else is with you?!
Boney: N-no one i swea-
(Boney then gets shot in the neck presumably killing him. Goombar looks at this with a shocked face. Bett is seen walking away outside but hears the gun shot)
Bett: Uh oh.
(It then cuts back to inside. Goombar is standing in shock but the veteran doesn't notice him. The veteran then walks off)
Goombar: Oh god oh god oh god.
(Goombar's phone then starts ringing. The Veteran hears this and runs downstairs)
Goombar: GAH!
(Goombar quickly grabs his phone and throws it out the window luring the veteran)
Goombar: Phew.
(Goombar walks up to Boney who is lying on the ground)
Goombar: Im sorry.
(Goombar then grabs Boney's hacker and walks off. Bett is seen crawling back into the house via vents)
Bett: What did you do now boney?
(Bett then sees the veteran walking up to him)
Bett: Uh oh.
(Bett hides behind the curtains as the veteran walks right past him. The veteran starts boarding up the windows and locking the doors)
Bett: He's locking us in.
(Bett then sees the veteran walking into a room. Bett follows him and sees the veteran typing a code into a safe. Bett pays attention to the numbers)
Bett: 1738...
(The veteran exits the room and starts patrolling)
Bett: I gotta find the others.
(Bett then runs into Goombar)
Bett: Goombar-
Goombar: Shhhh!
Bett: Are you okay? Where's Boney?
Goombar: Veteran got em.
Bett: What?
Goombar: The guy caught him off gaurd, took his gun and shot him.
Bett: Oh god. We gotta get out of here before they get us.
Goombar: True. But how?
Bett: Theres gotta be at least one way that the veteran didnt block yet. Lets look around and check for any areas. If we find an unblocked area, we'll meet back here. If we get in trouble, make sure to throw a rock or something to cause a distraction.
Goombar: Good plan!
Bett: Lets get looking!
(The two head off. Goombar is seen looking around the living room when he notices Boney's body is missing)
Goombar: That's wierd. Boney died right there? Did the veteran take him? Whatever, i need to stop thinking about Boney and think about getting us out of here. F*ck the money I just wanna leave.
(Goombar looks around and sees all the windows are barracaded. He tries to bull a baracade off but nothing works)
Goombar: Damn it. Hopefully Bett has better luck.
(Bett is seen looking around the hallway when he sees the vent shaft is still unlocked)
Bett: Bingo.
(Bett runs back to the spot he met Goombar)
Goombar: Any luck? All the windows were barricaded in the living room and kitchen.
Bett: I found a vent, we can go through there to escape!
Goombar: Aw genius!
Bett: I'll lead you towards the vent!
Goombar: Okay, but remember be quiet!
(Bett and Goombar sneak towards the vent. They finally make it and start to crawl in but Goombar then notices the veteran's Rottweiler is staring at them)
Goombar: Um... Bett?
Bett: What?
Goomber: Look..
Bett: Aw crap. Well If i remember what my Aunt Betty taught me is that you need to be still. It should calm him down. Just be... quiet.
(The Rottweiler starts to calm down but some vent noises are heard from the ceiling. Boney then falls out)
Boney: AAAAAAAAA- Ow.
Bett/Goombar: Boney!?
(The Rottweiler looks at Boney and notices that hes covered in bones)
Boney: Uhhhhh nice doggy?
(The Rottweiler barks and runs after Boney)
Goombar: Well now that its gone, lets get going-
Bett: Wait, now that we know Boney is still alive, we gotta save him and get him outa here.
Goombar: You kidding? I am not going back in there to get shot to death from that veteran or get mauled alive from that dog.
Bett: Goombar, dont you even remember the oath that we had?
Goombar: What oath?
Bett: Remember back in the alternate dimension when we thought all hope was lost?
Goombar: I feel a flashback coming on.
(It then cuts to somewhere during 2015 in "The Perfect Plan" dimension at Bowser's base. Bowser (The Perfect Plan) is seen on his throne with an angry expression. Kamek is seen next to his throne)
Bowser (TPP): UGH! I CANT BELIEVE I FAILED TO KILL MARIO AGAIN! THIS IS THE SIXTY NINTH TIME THIS MONTH!
Kamek: Yep. Really is a shocker.
Bowser (TPP): All because Boney, Goombar and Bett failed on their plan. WHEN ARE THEY GONNA BE HERE!?
(Two koopa gaurds then come in with Boney, Goombar and Bett. Boney and Bett are not wearing their hats and Goombar isn't donning a mustache)
Koopa Gaurd 1: We brought the failures as you wanted sir.
Bowser (TPP): Boney, Goombar and Bett. Do you have any idea HOW MANY TIMES I HAD TO DEAL WITH YOUR FAILURES!?
Boney: W-we're very sorry sir.
Goombar: Yeah. We didnt know that the chicken coop idea wasn't gonna work.
Bett: We apologize, boss.
Bowser (TPP): APOLOGIES WONT KILL MARIO!
Bett: We promise we'll come up with a better plan next time-
Bowser (TPP): SHUT IT! If I had to take a shot everytime I heard that, I would be knocked out! I'm tired of hearing your excuses! You know what? I cant do this anymore.
Bett: Your right. We should go and we'll talk about this tommorow-
Bowser (TPP): NO! I MEAN I CANT DEAL WITH YOU ANYMORE! Im tired of this. Koopa Gaurds, exterminate them!
Boney: WHAT!?
Goombar: NO PLEASE! I NEVER GOT LAID!
Bett: BOSS PLEASE DONT DO THIS!
Bowser (TPP): TOO LATE! IM DOING IT! TAKE EM TO THE LAVA SEAS! I wanna see them SUFFER!
(The three try to run away but the Koopa Gaurds restrain them and drag them away)
Bowser (TPP): In the mean time I need to find more people to help get a plan.
Kamek: I think I know a koopa, a goomba and a shy guy that could help?
Bowser (TPP): Teriffic!
(It cuts to the lava seas. The koopa gaurds are seen bringing them towards the lava seas)
Koopa Gaurd 3: Any last words before we execute you one by one?
Boney: Eat my dry ass.
Koopa Gaurd 1: Alright start with the bone head.
(A koopa gaurd pushes Boney into the lava)
Goombar: NO!
Bett: BONEY!
Koopa Gaurd 1: Alright who's next?
Goombar: Well Bett, it looks like its the end.
Bett: Yeah. See you on the flipside?
Goombar: See you on the flipside.
Koopa Gaurd 2: Alright lets go next with the goomba.
Goombar: Goodbye friend-
(Goombar is interupted as he is pushed into the lava but a dry bone shell comes up and catches Goombar)
Koopa Gaurd 3: WHAT THE!?
Bett: Huh?
(Boney's head then pokes out of the shell)
Boney: Bet you forgot that Dry Bones cant be harmed by lava!
Koopa Gaurd 1: DAMN IT! I did forget that!
Boney: Hop on Bett!
(Bett goes to jump on the dry bone shell but a Koopa Gaurd pushes him and Bett is about to fall into the lava when Goombar holds out a bone that Bett grabs onto)
Goombar: I got you bro!
Bett: Thanks!
Koopa Gaurd 2: Sound the alarms! Fugitives are getting away!
(The alarms are turned on. A bunch of Hammer Bros are seen asleep when they hear the alarm)
Hammer Bro 1: What the hell?
Hammer Bro 2: What's going on?
Koopa Gaurd 4: Fugitives have escaped, try your best to kill them or capture them!
(The hammer bros see the three swimming away)
Hammer Bro 3: Hammer Bros, aim, FIRE!
(The hammer bros start throwing hammers at the three)
Goombar: Oh god!
Boney: We dont have anything to block off the hammers!
Bett: I got this!
(Bett gets on top of the two and uses his shell to block off the hammers. They eventually get out of range)
Hammer Bro 4: DAMN IT!
Hammer Bro 5: The boss is gonna have our heads for this.
(The three continue through the lava lake. They eventually run out ot the castle and make it to a snowy area. Another koopa gaurd is seen with ice bros)
Koopa Gaurd 5: We can be able to destroy Boney if we destroy him with ice. Men, get ready to fire!
Boney: Oh no. If i get frozen then destroyed, Im dead for good!
Bett: If I get one more degree colder im gonna die!
Koopa Gaurd 5: SHOOT!
(the ice bros throw ice balls at the three. Goombar quickly forms a snowball that blocks the ice balls)
Bett: Th-thanks for that Goombar!
Goombar: No problem! Lets run!
(The three run far away to a forest area)
Bett: There should be no more enemies around here. I think we are safe.
Goombar: Where do we go now?
Boney: I dont know. If we ever get caught we're gonna be exterminated for sure.
Bett: We cant go to the mushroom kingdom either for obvious reasons.
Boney: Well it looks like we're out of options. Unless some miracle happens, we're stuck here.
(Suddenly a pipe comes out of the ground)
Bett: What the?
(Finkleshitz comes out of the pipe)
Dr. Finkleshitz: It worked! My interdimensional pipe worked! Haha! I wonder where else this leads to?
(Shitz sinks back into the pipe)
Boney: Interdemensional?
Goombar: This pipe could lead us to a better world!
Bett: Well what are we waiting for!? Lets jump in!
(The three jump in the pipe before it sinks. It then cuts back to Finkleshitz's lab. The three jump out of the pipe)
Goombar: Wow this place looks really futuristic?
Finkleshitz: WHAT ARE YOU ANIMALS DOING IN MY LAB!?
Bett: Uh uhhh-
Finkleshitz: GET OUT!
(The three are kicked out of Finkleshitz' lab)
Boney: Woah.
(The three see the Pensacola city)
Bett: This a big city?
Goombar: Well we made it to a new area but how are we gonna afford a home?
(Goodman is seen passing by)
Boney: Hey uh excuse me sir? We're new to the city and we dont have any money! Could you spare some change so we can afford a home?
Goodman: Um sure let me see what I have.
(Goodman digs into his wallet which has a lot of money in it)
Goodman: Well im in a bit of a hurry so i'll give you $500.
Boney: Alright sounds good!
Goodman: Sorry that I couldn't give you alot of money.
Boney: Thats alright. Next time.
Goodman: Alright! Take care you three!
(Goodman walks off. Boney creeps up behind Goodman and grabs his wallet without him noticing)
Boney: We got money now guys!
Goombar: Nice!
Bett: Hopefully they wont find out.
(Goodman is seen continuing to walk and is going to put money into an ATM but then realizes his wallet is gone)
Goodman: WHAT THE!?
(Goodman runs at them)
Goodman: STOP! GIVE ME BACK MY WALLET!
Boney: Uh oh! RUN BOYS!
(The three run off)
Goodman: HEY! HEYYYYYYYYY!
(Goodman runs up to Brooklyn T. Guy)
Goodman: OFFICER OFFICER!
Brooklyn T. Guy: Woah whats the matter?
Goodman: THOSE CREATURES TOOK MY WALLET!
Brooklyn T. Guy: Dont worry Sir. We're gonna catch those three!
(Goodman and Brooklyn Guy chase after the three)
Goodman: STOP! THEIVES!
Brookyln Guy: WEEEE WOOOO!
(The three then hide in an alleyway. The two run past the alleyway)
Boney: Phew.
Goombar: That was close.
Bett: And also AWESOME!
Goombar: We should do more heists like that!
Boney: We could form our own trio!
Bett: And even have our own theme song!
Goombar: But what should our trio name be?
Boney: Hmmm.
(Boney then overhears Brooklyn Guy and Goodman talking)
Brooklyn Guy: Sorry that we couldn't catch those guys Goodman.
Goodman: Its fine. I got a whole lot more money in my safe anyway so I think im good.
Brooklyn Guy: But I promise one day we're gonna catch those Dastardly three.
Boney: Dastardly three huh? I think we found our name boys!
Goombar: Awesome!
Boney: But first we're gonna need some disguises to make it through the city.
(The three think. Bett then goes into a trash can and pulls out a grey fedora, a fake mustache and a black hat)
Bett: I found these three! We could use them!
Goombar: Nice! I call dibs on the mustache!
Boney: Aw come on, Goombar!
Goombar: Boney, I said dibs.
Boney: No your right your right. You said dibs.
(The three put on their disguises. Boney with the grey fedora, Goombar with the mustache and Bett with the black hatt)
Boney: Alright gang! Lets get out there and cause trouble! But before we do, lets promise that no matter the circumstances, The Dastardly Three will stick together!
Goombar/Bett: Agreed!
(The flashback then ends)
Bett: So you see? Ever since the dastardly three was formed we were the most feared group of criminals out there! Well until the heroes arrived but that didnt cause us to disband. We made an oath, and we'll never break it.
Goombar: Wow.. I was such a fool to even forget that oath.
Bett: Exactly.
Goombar: Your right, Bett! We made a promise! Lets go grab Boney and get the hell out of here!
Bett: That's the goomba the dastardly three cant live without!
Goombar: Lets go!
(The three walk off around the house. It cuts to the basement where Boney is seen hiding while the Rottweiler is sniffing around)
Boney: Okay Boney. Just dont panic. Your gonna get the money and get outa here alive with your pals.
(The rottweiler is getting close to the area Boney is at when)
Bett: *whistles*
(The rottweiler turns around to face Bett and Goombar. Bett brings out a stick. The rottweiler stares at it)
Bett: You want the stick boy? Do you?
(The rottweiler starts wagging his tail and panting)
Bett: Gooooo GET IT!
(Bett throws the stick into a box. The rottweiler runs in to grab it but then Goombar jumps on the box and tapes it shut, trapping the rottweiler in the box causing it to start barking and wimpering a bit)]
Boney: Bett! Goombar!
Bett/Goombar: Boney!
Goombar: How are you still alive?
Boney: Um. Im a skeleton! I'm already dead!
Bett: Makes sense. Me and Goombar found a vent for a quick getaway!
Boney: Sounds great, but im not leaving until I find that safe.
Bett: Oh right. I almost forgot about that.
Goombar: Lets get looking!
Boney: Atta boys! Lets go!
(They head to the upstairs door when the veteran steps right in front of them. The three stay completley silent while the veteran looks around)
The Veteran: Hmmmm.
(The rottweiler is then heard barking again in his box. The veteran runs over to the box)
Boney: Lets move. Quietly!
(The three slowly move up the stairs. The Veteran runs to the box and opens it freeing the Rottweiler)
The Veteran: Who did this to you boy?
Rottweiler: "barks" (Those robbers tricked me and trapped me in here!)
The Veteran: Im gonna make them pay for breaking into my house in the first place! Lets go boy!
(The two run off. It then cuts back to the dastardly three heading towards a room)
Boney: So your saying you paid attention to the numbers on the safe?
Bett: Yes sir! If I remember correctly, the numbers were 1738!
Goombar: I'm like "Hey, what's up? Hello". Seen yo pretty ass soon as you came in the door.
Bett: What are you doing?
Goombar: Sorry I was doing a reference to Fetty Wap.
Boney: Well lets stop singing and lets open this safe!
(The three head in and run towards the safe)
Boney: Number again Bett?
Bett: 1738!
Goombar: I'm like "Hey, what's up? Hello-
Boney: Shut up! Your gonna blow our cover!
(Boney types in the number and the safe opens. The safe opens revealing fat stacks of cash)
Boney: Jackpot.
(Boney grabs the cash stacks)
Boney: Alright! We got the cash! Now lets get to the vent!
(The three sneak off to the vent but they get shocked expressions. The veteran is seen blocking off the vent with boards)
Boney: (Damn it!)
(The Veteran is about to walk off but then the Rottweiler sees the three and starts barking. The Veteran brings out his gun)
The Veteran: Got ya.
(The veteran starts to shoot at the three. Boney turns around causing the bullets to bounce off his shell)
Boney: MAKE A RUN FOR IT BOYS!
(The three run off. They run towards the door but its still locked)
Boney: Damn it!
Bett: What do we do?
Goombar: Wait. The hacker!
(Goombar pulls out the hacker he took from Boney and uses it to activate the alarms. The Veteran comes in but due to the alarms, he is hearing everything everywhere and Bett knocks him out. Bett takes his gun and shoots the lock, unlocking the door. The three walk out victorious)
Boney: Wow boys, We actually did it.
Goombar: Indeed. I never thought we'd actually rob a place sucessfully! I couldnt ask for better pals!
Bett: This calls for a victory singing!
Goombar: I'm like hey whats up Hello-
Bett: Not that song Goombar.
Goombar: Oh right sorry. Its just stuck in my head.
Boney: From the top boys!
The Dastardly Three: When theres a task-
(Suddenly police lights blind the three. It then shows that they are surrounded by cop cars)
Brooklyn Guy: Well well well. Boney, Goombar, and Bett. Robbing from a blind guy. Has to be the most evil offense you ever done.
Boney: What the? How did you get us?
Goombar: Was it the alarms? I knew I should have done something else.
Brooklyn Guy: Actually this whole thing was a sting operation! We had the help from a blind veteran and his pet rottweiler to see if you would go that far?
The Veteran: We got you guys good!
Rottweiler: "laughs"
Brooklyn Guy: So now it looks like its back to jail for you.
Sunny: Have fun in jail boys!
Boney: Sunny!? Your in on this too!?
Sunny: Hey I wouldn't miss this for za world!
Simmons: Um, Mate im pretty sure its pronounced "the world"
Sunny: Za world?
Simmons: The world.
Sunny: Za world!
Simmons: Your an idiot.
Brooklyn Guy: Take em in, boys!
(Officers handcuff the three and put them in the car)
Boney: Well this bites.
Goombar: Yeah i'm pretty sure we would have made it past that.
Bett: Well at least we survived the veteran. We would have all died if we didnt help eachother.
Goombar: True. I'd rather be alive and go to jail rather than die a painful death.
Boney: You guys got a point. Who needs money when I got my best pals!
Bett: From the top boys!
Boney: A one! A two! A one two three four!
The Dastardly Three: (singing) When there’s a task that you want done, and you don’t want god to know... just put your trust in only one trio!
Boney: (singing) Because with Boney...
Goombar: (singing) And Goombar...
Bett: (singing) And Bett...
The Dastardly Three: (singing) You know... that the Dastardly Three will always steal the show!
(The three laugh as the short irises on them)
== Trivia ==
* This episode is based off of the horror movie of the same name and is a slight promotion to "Don't Breathe 2"
Category:CuldeeFell Shortz!