Gay Marriage

== Transcript ==
So I read this article recently, some football guy, David Tyree, played for the New York Giants, made some catch in a game that had no effect on my life whatsoever, anyway, he's gone on record to say that he does not agree with gay marriage on the same day that the New York State Assembly passed a bill to approve same sex marriage. Now I do find it a little ironic that a guy who made a career of playing with balls doesn't think that the gays should be allowed to get married, but he's pretty upset with this. His belief is that, "allowing gay people to get married is the beginning of our country's" -- well, not my country, but, I guess somebody's -- "sliding into anarchy". Anarchy! Shops looted, men, women, and children, murdered and raped in the streets, the rivers running red with blood as the criminals seize control. All because some dude sticks a ring on another dude's finger and then they go ram each other in the ass? Is this a legitimate concern people have? Let me tell you something, the so called "sanctity of marriage" is an absolute farce. I know so many people who are divorced, got married because they accidentally got knocked up, who got married because they thought it would keep the relationship together and eventually got divorced, I mean you got celebrities getting married and divorced in a week, and pissing away millions doing it because they're a bunch of needy fucks. So as long as it's a man and a woman getting married for stupid reasons, it's fine, but once two guys or two girls wanna do it because they actually give a shit about each other, that's what's ruining the sanctity of marriage? Well, here's a fact for all you fucking Bible humpers. Straight people fucked marriage up long before some dude thought, "Huh, I kinda have a craving for dick down my throat." Here's some of the other nonsense this Tyree guy, a man who used to make money by catching and not letting go of balls, remember, was quoted as saying. "Marriage is the only relationship that mirrors the relationship with God." The fuck does that mean? So religious people end up having to go antiquing with God on the weekend when they just wanna stay home and get a blowie on the couch while eating chips and watching Seinfeld reruns? Also, if a guy is married to the Lord, and religious people believe that God is a man, isn't that a gay marriage? Does this mean that you're "gay for God" because you love him? You love an omnipotent man, homo! He also says that because not enough people are speaking out, "We're doing God an injustice by not making his heart known to our country." Well, I got news for you fucking relig-tards. I don't know if God exists, and to be honest, I don't care. But should a being exist that created and continues to create billions of life forms -- humans, plants, animals, insects, all that shit -- he doesn't give a sweet fuck about the United States of America or any fucking country for that matter. No way he cares if two chicks are scissoring in matching wedding dresses in Buffalo, New York, or two dudes are putting wedding bands around each other's cocks with their mouths in Torrance, California. He's got way more important shit to deal with than who's taking part in some ceremony that humans made up. Now, this isn't to say that I support gay marriage either, no. I'm absolutely against it. In fact, I think that the New York State Assembly and every other state, province, and country in the world is going entirely the wrong way. We should be banning all marriage, straight or gay, getting rid of it outright. After all, laws are supposed to be created to protect people from others as well as themselves, right? Well, if it's illegal to commit suicide, it should definitely be illegal to get married. At least with suicide, the pain only lasts seconds, rather than a lifetime of, "Did you get bread from the store on the way home? Why not?" or "Oh great, your sister's coming over again?" Believe me, if I was on deathrow and my two options were getting married or the electric chair, I'd tell my warden to make my last meal a steak and fire up the generator.