S07E012: The Gang Breaks Up a Perfectly Happy Slaad Family

== Previously on MCVFD ==
Observation facility! Attacked by slaad! Dead people! An ominous note!  An old set of badguys! A ground floor full of bodies! We saved a scientist!
The second floor! Some really morally questionable human experiments! Yucky body explosions! Some slaads feeding dead scientists to slaad tadpoles! Some hunky buff slaad wearing tattered human clothes?
== Session ==
2 red in prison jumpsuits, 1 blue in a lab coat.  We don’t know whether these red Slaad are normal slaad, but they’re definitely not humans anymore.  Kanye wonders whether slaad tadpoles are dangerous.Kanye: "Can they.... can they penetrate us?"Kanye thinks back to Nissa’s Slaad Sex Ed powerpoint from the walk here and remembers who gets him sick and who gets him pregnant.
Nissa plugs her lute into Kanye’s speakers …. Can You Hear Me Now? Helloooooooooo Fresensius!!!!!!!!!! and the wall of sound Slows the slaad.  Kanye times his glitter bomb with the sound to give the team advantage.  
Kanye smashes! He smashes again! He smashes again! And one more time with the butt end! So close to bloodying the slaad.  Um darts through the still-settling glitter and decides he would like to be on the nondescript ceiling.  An attack appears from the glitter and bloodies the blue slaad.  Nissa sings REACH OUT AND SMASH FACE! and the terrible melody does some damage, he slinks away as far as he can against the wall.
The slaads, Alfie and Bartamus, approach! Kanye takes advantage of their proximity and hits for more damage.  Kanye takes a hit from one red slaad and the other misses, and they remain slowed. 
Kanye swings at Bluey and hits! And again but misses.  YOLO superiority dice time. Another hit!Um: You’re really quite superior even without the superiority dice.Um surveys the reeling slaad and snipes at them.  Nissa sings mockingly and hurts Bluey’s feelings so badly he just falls over and dies.  
The two red slaad post up and get try to get between Kanye and the nest.  But the tadpoles are BIG KIDS NOW DAD, GOOOOOOD and decide to help out, reaching out to bite Kanye.  Two bites land, and as they close Kanye swings at the least cute looking tadpole, killing it instantly.  DM: Listen, all newborn babies look weird.  Slaad are no exception.Alfie and Bartamus attack Kanye and miss, still Slowed from Nissa’s amazing performance.  Kanye looks around at the tadpoles and slaad now surrounding him.  He swings! And swings again! And hits ‘em with the butt end! He’s doing much better than the slaad are.  Sneaky Um sneak attacks the slaad and does a ton of damage.
Nissa insults the slaad again– turns out hurt feelings are their one weakness. Nissa: this is what I was built for.Furious at her insults, the tadpole climb up Kanye and begin biting Nissa, breaking her concentration.  Daals begins to grow ferociously and protectively and bites one of the tadpole within an inch of its life!Daals: Stay away from my mom! Tadpoles: Stay away from our dad!Alfie and Bartamus, no longer Slowed, attack in a frenzy of teeth and claws but miss, and kanye ripostes and critically hits!  Kanye rolls right into his turn and swings the glaive for more damage! Alfie sways and crashes to the ground as Kanye finishes him with the butt end of his glaive.
Nissa gets bitten by some tadpoles and furiously yells NO TOUCHY, summoning a column of flame around one of them.  Daals bites the tasty-smelling roasted tadpole and finishes it off.  Bartamus swings at Kanye, missing him and then successfully biting him.  Kanye critically ripostes to bloody him.  Kanye considers throwing Nissa across the room since she’s bleeding on him, but he remembers that the night before at the bar she told him he’s not a hero, he’s a goddamn fighting machine and she’ll take care of herself.  Kanye swings at Bartamus and nearly kills him.  Um unfurls his floating disc and soars it next to Nissa and then shoots at Bartamus.  Nissa jumps off of Kanye towards the disc, taking three more bites as she moves, and her unconscious body lands on the disc.  Daals got a bite in on their way out, killing a tadpole.  
The red slaad swings and bites at Kanye, missing a swing and getting a riposte back in his face.  Kanye considers his options for getting away from the tadpoles.Nissa: there are three of them and very little hp, and you can hit three times….DM: hey there, you’re giving a lot of advice there ms unconscious.Kanye grapples a tadpole, but the other one works out and resists him.  He smashes the tadpole into the red slaad.  Bartolomus stubbornly clings to life.Kanye: That’s all right, I want you to watch what comes next.Kanye and Um kill off the last two slaadpoles and Bartolomus and pour a healing potion down Nissa’s throat.  Um: I used a bracer charge to make a table for you to pass out on?Kanye wrings Nissa’s blood out of his harness for the first time. We search the slaad and find the gold keycard.  
Nissa looks around the room.  This floor is unethical, but was getting results.  Lots of notes bout the effect of chaos phage and slaad eggs on human subjects, and notes– were they trying to accelerate or decelerate the process?-- either way, there are treatment notes.  It looks like this information is exactly what the Drakeguard is looking for! In addition to the keycard, Um finds another journal entry.
Journal Entry: Day 36: I’m experiencing some doubts about the research they’re doing here. On the first floor, it was all what I expected. Taking samples from captive Slaad and conducting research. But level two is different. There are no Slaad up here, only human prisoners. The scientists here are less friendly and more guarded about their research, but it’s not hard to work out. They’re deliberately infecting the prisoners with both chaos phage and Slaad eggs, harvested from level one. The prisoners are kept sedated, so they don’t seem to be suffering, and some of the research appears to be investigating how to control the speed of the infection or incubation process. I tell myself they’re looking for ways to slow it down, but I have my doubts. I’ve shared my concerns with a few scientists, but they just brush it off by explaining that these prisoners are “the worst of the worst” from the material plane, where they all have death sentences. Only one man understood my concerns. He called me over during lunch one day and told me to stop asking so many questions. I protested, pointing out that the work we’re doing seems unethical. He didn’t deny it, but only implied that objecting would get me in trouble. The next day he was gone. I’ve been keeping my head down, focusing on my research. The floor supervisor says the head researching is still asking about me, but I think I have to say something, even if it means they fire me.Kanye: Danger, Will Robinson.  Danger.The gang decides to short rest.