Wish Pringle

Wish Pringle is the third episode of Pampers in the House.
== Transcript ==
[Establishing shot of the Black House. Cut to a living area Pampers, SpongeCicle, Huggies and Crash Cheeks gathered around a TV ready to play some video games.]
Pampers: Yo! Are y'all ready for the most lit Gex night y'all have ever seen?!
Huggies: Please unalive yourself.
SpongeCicle: The only thing better than Gex night is Gex: Enter the Gecko night!
Crash: I thought you said we were playing Wii Chess.
SpongeCicle: We ran out of toilet paper and Pampers used the disc.
Huggies: I did not need to hear that.
Pampers: It's surprisingly effective actually.
Crash: So are we gonna get started or what?
SpongeCicle: Oh yeah, sure.
[Huggies turns on the Picon (a trademark of Polar Incorporated) console and everyone turns their controllers on.]
Crash: Ugh, me Picontroller, a trademark of Polar Incorporated, won't sync in!
SpongeCicle: It probably needs new batteries.
Huggies: What game controller still uses batteries in 2021?!
SpongeCicle: Sssshh! Corporate said we need to sell this thing!
Pampers: Sorry guys, we just ran out of batteries earlier.
Crash: Aw come on!
Huggies: Well there goes our Gex night.
SpongeCicle: Doesn't Unnamed Assistant hoard a load of them to himself in his room?
Pampers: Oh yeah! I'll just go check.
[Cut to Pampers approaching Unnamed Assistant's bedroom. There is a sign on the door reading "Pampers, please do not come in". Pampers pulls a black marker pen out from behind his back and scribbles out "do not".]
Pampers: Huh, well if he insists.
[Pampers kicks the door open, enters, and starts rummaging through the guy's cabinets. Unnamed Assistant is nowhere to be seen.]
Pampers: Ugh, where could he be hiding them? Underwear drawer, medicine drawer-
[He reaches another drawer and stares in shock.]
Pampers: Oh my...
I'm the new kid, moving in
Getting it done
And I'm officially the candidate
For having some fun you know
You better calm down Pampers
I'm talking 'bout an all-out party
And we're getting it started
Mr. President, y'all mind some electric guitar?
Original Island will never be the same
Cause we've got
Pampers, Pampers, Pampers in the House
Yeah! It's a party every week, baby!
Pampers, Pampers, Pampers check it out
That's right, I'm in the house!
He's gonna shake it up and change it
Take it all and rearrange it
Got a new plan, hey Uncle Pamp!
We've got Pampers in the House!
Pampers in the House!
I'm your man!
[Pampers pulls an old antique lamp out from the drawer.]
Pampers: Ew! It's like an ugly lamp from when the dinosaurs were around! This guy has bad taste.
[He throws the lamp behind him and it hits the wall, smashing into pieces. A puff of orange smoke emerges from it as Pampers pulls out a pair of batteries from the drawer.]
Pampers: Here they are!
[The puff of smoke transforms into a large shadow-y figure that stretches and yawns.]
Pampers: Huh? Who's there?
[Pampers turns around and screams.]
Pampers: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! IT'S GOD!!!! LOOK MAN, IF YOU'RE HERE ABOUT THE INCIDENT I CAN EXPL-
Flying Pringle: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOU- oh for fuck's sake it's you again.
Pampers: The Flying Pringle?! Is that really you?!
Flying Pringle: You damn right it's me!
Pampers: What are you doing here?!
Flying Pringle: Well, there I was chilling watching Netflix or something when BOOM! You broke me lamp!
Pampers: Oh, that was your lamp? Man, I am so sor-
Flying Pringle: Ugh, it's fine, I'll just have to get a new one from the office.
Pampers: The office?
Flying Pringle: Yeah, the off- oh, you wouldn't know. Yeah, I probably should explain. I'm a genie now.
Pampers: Wow! A genie?!
Flying Pringle: Yeah, well I mean it's only a part-time thing but it puts bread on the table.
Pampers: Yo, congrats man!
Flying Pringle: Thank you, I actually just got a promotion recently too, it's craz- oh fuck.
Pampers: What?
Flying Pringle: I, uh-
Pampers: What is it?
Flying Pringle: You… let me out of the lamp.
Pampers: So?
Flying Pringle: So you're my current master.
Pampers: Meaning?
[Pause.]
Flying Pringle: Meaning… (sigh) you get three wishes.
[SpongeCicle, Huggies and Crash enter.]
Huggies: Hey, what's taking so long?!
Pampers: I found a genie!
Crash: The Flying Pringle?
Flying Pringle: Oh for fuck's sake the whole squad's here.
SpongeCicle: Pringle, you never told us you were a genie!
Flying Pringle: Well I only took the job recent-
Huggies: Do I get a wish?
Flying Pringle: Three wishes, actually.
Huggies: Cool!
Flying Pringle: Well, uh, Pampers gets them actually.
Huggies: Fuck you.
Pampers: Hey, you're just jealous there isn't a magic lamp in your personal assistant's bedroom!
Huggies: I don't even have a personal assistant!
Crash: If you don't mind me asking, how did the lamp end up here?
Flying Pringle: Well, it's a long story. I ended up at a yard sale and-
Pampers: Can I have my first wish now?
Flying Pringle: Oh, uh, yeah sure we should probably get this over with. Just let me lay down the terms and conditions first, my boss will kill me if I don't mention these. Number one - no wishing for more wishes. Number two - I can't make people fall in love.
Huggies: Aw.
Flying Pringle: Number thre-
Pampers: I wish for a cheeseburger!
Flying Pringle: But I haven't finis-
Pampers: I SAID I WISH FOR A CHEESEBURGER!!!!
[The Flying Pringle sends a puff of smoke from his finger over to Pampers, and a cheeseburger materialises in Pampers' hands.]
Pampers: Sweet!
[He starts eating.]
Pampers: Mmm, this is good. Except I like my cheeseburgers without the cheese, but you are a good chef Mr. Pringle. Just bear that one thing in mind for next time.
Flying Pringle: Next time?!
[Pampers swallows the rest of the cheeseburger whole and burps.]
Pampers: Oh, that really filled a hole. Thanks buddy!
Huggies: Pampers, you could have wished for anything in the whole world... and you wished for a cheeseburger?!
Pampers: Well I'm president, what more could I want?! The food at the Krusty Krack is terrible, and I don't even have time to eat there anymore! 
Crash: Well, you've just wasted your first wish.
Pampers: Wasted?! That was the most amazing cheeseburger I've ever had! You guys should try one sometime.
Crash: Yeah, but like… don't you have servants and stuff to cook shit for you?
Flying Pringle: Hey, I'm not complaining! The sooner we get this over with, the sooner I can finish my shift. Now… let's get onto the second wish now, shall we?
Pampers: Well… that cheeseburger sure did make me thirsty.
Flying Pringle: Of course! A drink! Just say the magic words and I can get you a nice, refreshing glass of lemonade!
Pampers: ...meh.
[Pampers walks off as everyone stares in confusion. The Flying Pringle follows him down the hallway.]
Flying Pringle: "Meh"? What do you mean "meh"? You not like lemonade? I could get you a milkshake or something!
Pampers: Maybe later… I'm just gonna go get a Lucozade from the kitchen or something.
Flying Pringle: You know… you could just wish for a Lucozade and have it right now?
[The two enter the kitchen.]
Pampers: I mean, yeah but the guys are right. I kinda already wasted my first wish, I need to save my second one for something special, you know.
Flying Pringle: (muttering to himself) Oh boy, and I thought this was gonna be easy.
Pampers: I can hear you.
Flying Pringle: Heh, I mean… just be sure to give me the word when you want to make your second wish!
Pampers: Yeah whatever.
[Cut to Pampers, SpongeCicle, Huggies and Crash playing Gex in the living area.]
Huggies: This Gex night rules!
[The Flying Pringle enters.]
Flying Pringle: So… you uh… ready to make your second wish yet?
Pampers: Not now.
[Cut to Pampers walking up to his bed. He pulls the cover back to find The Flying Pringle lying there.]
Flying Pringle: Now?
Pampers: Meh.
[Cut to Pampers being poured some Cheerios by Unnamed Assistant. The Flying Pringle falls out of the box.]
Flying Pringle: Now?
[Pampers shrugs. Cut to Pampers showering. The Flying Pringle comes out of the shower head.]
Flying Pringle: Now?
Pampers: I'm a little busy…
[Cut to Pampers watching some TV in the living area. The Flying Pringle enters.]
Flying Pringle: Okay, this is getting ridiculous. It's been a week and you still haven't made your other two wishes! I can't stand being around you much longer! I want to go home!
Pampers: For the last time, I will make my second wish when I'm ready.
Flying Pringle: And when exactly will you be ready?
Pampers: I dunno, I mean… I've got it pretty good.
Flying Pringle: Right…
[Pause.]
Flying Pringle: Wait, pretty good you say?
Pampers: Um… yeah that's what I said.
Flying Pringle: As in not completely good? As in could be better? As in there's more you want in life?
Pampers: Well… sure.
Flying Pringle: Aha! So then there must be something else you wanna wish for! What will it be? All the riches in the world?
Pampers: I'm good.
Flying Pringle: All the fame in the world?
Pampers: I'm president.
Flying Pringle: Well then, okay… how about you wish for all your political opposition to be on your side?
Pampers: Meh, life's no fun without the increasingly high risk of being impeached.
Flying Pringle: Alright then, what about-
TV Advert: All new MiracleSprout! The number one rated plant food of this year! Makes your plants grow twice as tall! 
Pampers: Ooh! Ooh! I want that!
Flying Pringle: Really? I didn't know you gardened.
Pampers: I don't, just do it! Genie, I wish for that thing on the TV!
Flying Pringle: Well… if you say so.
[The Flying Pringle shoots more smoke from his finger and the MiracleSprout materialises in Pampers' hand. He immediately starts spraying it at his forehead.]
Pampers: Aw, nothing's happening! 
Flying Pringle: Um… what are you doing?
Pampers: I thought this would make my forehead bigger!
[He throws the thing on the floor.]
Pampers: This thing's stupid! I want a refund!
Flying Pringle: You got it for free.
Pampers: Well then… I want a refund on that last wish!
Flying Pringle: Sorry dude, like I said a week ago you can't wish for more wishes.
Pampers: Aw… wait, can I wish that I can wish for more wishes?
[The Flying Pringle thinks.]
Flying Pringle: No.
Pampers: Well fuck you! And fuck your stupid lamp! And fuck your stupid face! And fuck your-
[Unnamed Assistant enters.]
Unnamed Assistant: Lamp? Did someone say something about a lamp?
[Pause.]
Pampers: No.
Flying Pringle: Yes.
Unnamed Assistant: Pampers-
Pampers: That's President Pampers.
Unnamed Assistant: Ugh, President Pampers… was it you that broke my lamp?
Pampers: Well… I wouldn't say I broke it, I would just say that I… unfixed it.
Unnamed Assistant: Pampers… are you serious?
Pampers: Maybe.
Unnamed Assistant: That lamp was a priceless antique! One of a kind! There's nothing else like that in the world!
Pampers: Pfffft, so what?
Unnamed Assistant: So what? So what? That was supposed to be a present for my cousin's birthday!
Pampers: You have a cousin?
Unnamed Assistant: Yeah, Unnamed Pensioner. They loved things like that… and now I need to rush and buy them a new present all because of your… because of your… because of your… ugh, nevermind. I'm going for a lie down.
[Unnamed Assistant walks off.]
Flying Pringle: Well he seems happy. My boss probably should have been more careful when choosing my lamp, right? (fake laugh)
[SpongeCicle enters.]
SpongeCicle: What was that about?
Flying Pringle: Pampers' old-ass assistant bought my lamp as a birthday present for someone, and now it's broken.
SpongeCicle: Oof. Can't he just get something else?
Pampers: He said it was a one in a kind antique or some shit.
SpongeCicle: Double oof.
[Pause.]
Pampers: He didn't yell or anything but he looked pretty pissed.
SpongeCicle: Yeah.
[Pause.]
Flying Pringle: Oh well, what's done is done. Now, what's your last wish?
SpongeCicle: Hang on, that's it! Pampers! You could wish that the lamp never broke and then Unnamed Assistant will be happy again!
Flying Pringle; What? No, that's a terrible idea! I've been stuck here all week and I want to finish my shift. If you wish for that I'll have to wait until someone releases me again.
Pampers: What he said… and also I would have had that amazing cheeseburger.
SpongeCicle: Okay… then why don't you wish for a new lamp just like the other one?
Pampers: Well I could… but then what's in it for me?
SpongeCicle: The feeling of doing something good for someone else, Pampers, the feeling of doing something good for someone else.
[Pause.]
Pampers: Yeah fuck that, I wish for a segway.
SpongeCicle: wait wut
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