Homer and Apu/Quotes

:(Apu is shot defending James Woods)
:Apu: Ah. The searing kiss of hot lead; how I missed you. I mean, I think I'm dying.
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:(Homer and Apu on a quest through the Himalayas to get Apu's job back)
:Apu: There it is, the world's first convenience store.
:Homer: This isn't very convenient.
:Apu: Must you knock on everything we do?
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:Kent Brockman: Here's an update on last week's nursing-home expose, "Geezers in Freezers." It turns out the rest home was adequately heated. The footage you saw was of a fur-storage facility. We've also been told to apologize for using the term "geezers." Now, coming up next, "The Case of the Cantankerous Old Geezer."
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:Kwik-e-Mart Official: I'm sorry, Apu, but I have no choice. You will no longer wear this namepatch. (rips namepatch off Apu's uniform) And you will no longer ask people about our fried pickles. (rips off another patch "ASK ABOUT OUR FRIED PICKLES") Now then, turn in your pricing gun. (Apu does as requested.) And The other one as well too. (Apu reluctantly turns in his spare pricing gun.)
:Apu: Oh! Fired. After all of these years of loyal service. I don't want to live anymore! (grabs one of the hotdogs on the roller)
:Kwik-e-Mart Official: Give me that weiner!
:Apu: I don't want to live, sir!
:Kwik-e-Mart Official: Give me that weiner! (Apu and the Kwik-e-Mart official struggle with the spoiled hotdog for a few seconds.) No, Apu, it's not worth it!
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:Apu: But, sir, I was only following standard procedure.
:Kwik-e-Mart Official: Ah, true. But it's also standard procedure to blame any problems on a scapegoat or sacrificial lamb.
:Apu: Uh-huh. And if I can obtain for you these animals?
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:Apu walks into the bathroom as Homer steps out of the shower
:Apu: Good morning, sir.
:Homer: [screams]
:Apu: Relax, please. You do not have anything I have not seen before. What the-?!
:Homer is revealed to have a lollipop stuck to his chest
:Homer: Uh, I like to keep a lollipop there.
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:Homer Simpson: You can't be afraid to try new things. For instance, tonight I'm using a-- Apu, what do you call this thing again?
:Apu: A napkin.
:Homer: [Chuckling] Outrageous!
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:James Woods: [on the phone] T-Tony, T-Tony, y-you're my agent. You have to do something about this. Uh! How can it be the same movie if they've changed my character from a tightly wound convenience-store clerk to a jittery Eskimo firefighter? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. Well, actually, that's... that's a pretty good explanation.
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:Homer: Are we in India yet?
:Apu: No.
:Homer: Are we in India yet?
:Apu: No.
:Homer: Are we in India yet?
:Apu: No. Oh, wait, now we are.
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:Apu: (sobbing, then singing very sadly) Who needs the Kwik-e-Mart? I dooooooo!
:Homer: Hey, he's not happy at all! He lied to us through song! I HATE when people do that!