Reconciliation

Reconciliation is the sixth episode of season five, and the forty-eighth episode overall, of No Malarkey in Bikini Bottom. It premiered on July 30, 2021.
Category:No Malarkey in Bikini Bottom
Category:No Malarkey in Bikini Bottom Fifth Season
==Plot==
Mr. Tentacles attempts to get a $15 minimum wage included in the reconciliation bill. 
== Transcript ==
[The episode opens at the Senate.] 
Mr. Tentacles: I can’t believe it! After years of protesting for higher wages at the Krusty Krab, Bikini Bottom is finally going to raise the minimum wage to $15! This is a victory for workers. 
Mr. Orange: Not so fast, Tortellini. 
Mr. Tentacles: What’s that? 
Mr. Orange: Decreasing the poverty rate violates the budget reconciliation rules. As Parliamentarian of the Senate, I officially rule that this provision must be taken out of the bill! 
Mr. Tentacles: WHAT
Mr. Pineapple: YES! Great decision, Mr. Orange! 
Mr. Tentacles: Why are you happy?! 
Mr. Pineapple: Raising the minimum wage only serves to further serve capitalist rule of the seven seas! These reforms distract us from the larger fight of dismantling oceanic capitalism. It’s like Mr. Renaud says, abolition, NOT REFORM! We need things to get worse before they can get better! 
Mr. Renaud: Mr. Pineapple is absolutely right! This provision would’ve put me out of business! I don’t have enough money to pay all those kids! Why, if anything, the minimum wage should be abolished! 
[Mr. Biden and Mrs. Harris walk into the Senate]
Mr. Biden: Well Jack, that sure is a shame, we were pushing so hard for this wage increase. 
Mr. Tentacles: WAIT! What the parliamentarian says is only an advisory opinion! Mrs. Harris, as president of the Senate, you can overrule him! 
Mr. Biden: Not so fast, Jack! Unlike the last occupant, my administration respects the rules! 
[later that night] 
Mr. G: Operation Illegally Strike Syria is a go! [launches several missiles] 
Mr. Obama: Hey, let me in on some of the action too, will ya? [runs over, launching some missiles too]
[Cut to Mr. Perkins] 
Mr. Perkins: This just in, the Biden administration has just attacked Syria. 22 have been reported dead, all of them terrorists. 
[cut back to Mr. G] 
Mr. G: Goddamnit, I missed!
[cuts to Mr. Tentacles]
Mr. Tentacles: You blasted buffoons may think you quashed our fight, but Nope., you only energized it.
Mr. Orange: The only ‘energy’ I expect from you, Senator, is productivity, and by that I mean Trading stocks and raping fruit! GET BACK TO WORK!
Mr. Tentacles: Dude, you’re the Senate parliamentarian, not our boss.
Mr. Orange: Then who is?
Mr. Tentacles: THE PEOPLE!
Mr. Orange: Nope.
[Cut to outside the Krusty Krab the next morning. Mr. Tentacles is seen with a group of trade unionists. A crowd gathers to watch.]
Mr. Tentacles: Attention people of Bikini Bottom! We will not let the Senate parliamentarian’s ruling stop our fight for a $15 minimum wage. That is why we call on you to boycott the Krusty Krab and similar establishments! To show our dedication, we shall stage a hunger strike! Would anyone like to volunteer with us?
Mr. R’Onion: So you guys won’t be eating any plants, right?
Mr. Tentacles: Well, yeah, we won’t be eating, it’s a hunger strike!
Mr. R’Onion: Count me in!
Mr. Tentacles: We truly admire the sacrifice you’re making—
[Mr. R’Onion sits next to Mr. Tentacles, opens his bag, takes out a pack of chicken wings, and starts eating them.]
Mr. Tentacles: Uh, what are you doing?
Mr. R’Onion: Eating chicken wings, of course! Want some?
Mr. Tentacles: NO! We’re on a hunger strike! We’re not supposed to be eating anything!
Mr. R’Onion: Not supposed to be eating ANYTHING?! What is this, some sort of attempt to equate the suffering of animals to the suffering of precious, innocent plants? Pathetic. I’m outta here!
[As Mr. R’Onion walks away, the crowd quickly loses interest and dissolves.]
Mr. Tentacles: What’s the plan now, Mermaid Man? I’m not sure what to do...
Mermaid Man: HEY! What do you think you’re doing?! You weren’t elected to not have a plan! Why, as a young man here in the 50s, I took charge of the actor’s union and accomplished many of my plans.
Barnacle Boy: Sir, you accused your rivals of being communists, reported them to the FBI, and thus had their lives ruined.
Mermaid Man: COMMUNISTS?! EEEEEEEEEEEEEVILLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Mr. Tentacles facepalms.]
Mr. Tentacles: I suppose instead of relying on the sympathy of others, we take the fight to the oppressors! 
[Cut back to Mr. Orange at the Senate building, where he is staring at a picture of a sexual-looking avocado while doing suggestive things in front of it.]
Mr. Orange: Oh yeah this feels ni-
Mr. Renaud: Hey there Mr. Orange, what you doing over there?
Mr. Orange: Oh uh… nothing, that is for sure.
Mr. Renaud: C’mon, we all know you’re getting it off. It’s what us real men do! I’m here to tell you that-
Mr. Biden: Hey guys, what did I miss?
[The other two go dead silent.]
Mr. Biden: What? I just wanted to see if anyone wanted this fruit basket someone left on the doorstep. I’ve already eaten my balanced fruit for the day.
[Mr. Orange hesitates for a moment, and then swiftly takes the fruit basket from Mr. Biden.]
[Cut to Amazon Headquarters. Mr. Beezos can be seen sitting in a honeycomb-shaped chair when suddenly Mr. Tentacles busts down the door.] 
Mr. Tentacles: WE DEMAND THAT YOU PAY WORKERS $15 AN HOUR RIGHT NOW! 
Mr. Beezos: Okay. 
Mr. Tentacles: Wait, what? 
Mr. Beezos: Our company has determined that raising our minimum wage would be of net-benefit to us. Your campaign has significantly damaged our public reputation, and raising our wages is a way to perform damage control. Furthermore, by increasing our wages, we make our business more attractive to prospective employees and thus more competitive. But not only have we decided to raise our own wages, but we’ve also decided to join the fight to raise the federal minimum wage as well! 
Mr. Tentacles: WHAT 
Mr. Beezos: Indeed. 
Mr. Tentacles: Wow, I never thought I’d be fighting side by side with a rapacious blood sucking oligarch. 
Mr. Beezos: I don’t suck blood! I sting people! See! [stings Mr. Tentacles] 
Mr. Tentacles: HEY! 
[Cut to Mr. Bass, who enters the Amazon headquarters.] 
Amazon Staffer: Um, excuse me sir, only authorized Amazon staffers are allowed to be here. 
Mr. Bass: I’ll have you know this is an issue of the utmost importance! Amazon failed to deliver my My Small Sea Pony fleshlight! 
[He storms to Mr. Beezos’ office. He reaches to open the door, but stops once he hears Mr. Beezos and Mr. Tentacles talking.] 
Mr. Beezos: Well then it’s settled. We’ll bribe Mr. Biden to raise the minimum wage! 
Mr. Bass: LORD NEPTUNE! 
[cut to CPTV Studio] 
Mr. Bass: Mr. Renaud! You’ve got to hear this! Mr. Beezos and Mr. Tentacles are planning to bribing Mr. Biden to RAISE THE MINIMUM AGE! 
Mr. Renaud: WHAT?! I I thought he wanted to raise the minimum wage! That’s bad enough, but THIS CALLS FOR PULLING OUT THE BIG GUNS! 
[Mr. Renaud jumps into a tank, riding off. Cut to the Oval Office.] 
Mr. Banana: THAT IS ABSOLUTELY OUTRAGEOUS! 
Mr. Apple: I don’t know, I think he has a point. 
Mr. Biden: Mr. Apple? What are you doing here? You don’t work here! 
Mr. Apple: I came because I heard this handsome fellow was going to be here!
[Mr. Apple walks over to Mr. Beezos, grabbing his stinger and beginning to stroke it. Mr. Beezos frowns and stings him.] 
Mr. Apple: Can you sting me again? 
Mr. Biden: Jack, why should we raise the minimum wage? 
[Mr. Beezos hands Mr. Biden a briefcase full of money.] 
Mr. Biden: We’ll raise the minimum wage. 
[Suddenly a whole bunch of tanks surround the White House, led by Mr. Renaud. He shoots at the White House, blowing it up.] 
Mr. Renaud: Surrender or else! Let it be known, you will NOT raise the minimum age today! 
Mr. Biden: Raise the minimum age? Jack, don’t be ridiculous! There’s not enough money in the world to bribe me to do that! We were gonna raise the minimum wage! 
Mr. Renaud: WHAT. Mr. Bass! 
Mr. Bass: Oops. 
Mr. Renaud: Well, I’ve already got the tanks out so - DON’T RAISE THE MINIMUM WAGE OR ELSE! 
Mr. Biden: Okay, fine, Jack, I won’t, I won’t! 
Mr. Renaud: GREAT! 
[The tanks than drive away. Mr. Beezos looks at Mr. Tentacles.] 
Mr. Beezos: Maybe we should’ve said “fight for $15” instead of “raise the minimum wage”.
[The episode ends.]