Crystal Mess

"" is the second episode in Season 12, being the two-hundred-and-eighteenth episode overall.
==Plot==
In order to help with anxiety about an upcoming oral report, Mr. Frond lends Tina a crystal that his new girlfriend alleges has special powers. Meanwhile, Bob and Linda buy a box of imperfect produce and try to use it all before it rots.
==Full story==
At the Belcher kitchen, Tina is groaning at the breakfast table, nervous due to having to give an oral report for Wagstaff 75th anniversary week in class. Bob tries to cheer Tina up but accidentally reminds her of her debilitating fear of public speaking, but she also says it’s a speech with a partner, Zeke, and she has a reputation when it comes to doing oral reports with partners; which Louise explains is Tina is “the cooler” for taking good presentations and throwing cold sweat on them, while Tina gets nervous and a phlegm mouth out of said nervousness. Bob leaves to go to the Tuesday Farmer’s Market in Bog Harbor.
At Wagstaff, Zeke is apprehensive about doing the report with Tina and hopes she is okay, but Tina is already sweating through her shirt in the armpits. She asks for an extra pair of socks (as Bob does that to stop sweating), but Tammy and Jocelyn are wearing theirs. The two are wearing layers of “popular people clothes” from over the decades for their oral presentation. Tina starts panting in the hallway and Frond sees her and takes her to the office to process with the “Anxiety Society” dolls, but as Tina explains that she has to give an oral report with Zeke, Frond’s phone chimes and eh checks it. It is a text from his new girlfriend Cassie, saying she had a nice time the previous night, and a distracted Frond instead starts going about a crystal Cassie gave him, to “bring good energy” to who ever is in possession of it. Tina asks if he’s saying it could help her, and Frond eventually lets her borrow it.
Bob returns to the restaurant with a box of discounted produce, but Linda notices it is all lumpy and malformed, which Bob explains is why it was cheap (also it was about to go rotten), and how he thinks people judge ugly food when it is food too, to Teddy’s disagreement (and terror at a tomato that looks like a face and a carrot with legs).
In the 8th grade class, Tammy and Jocelyn do their presentation pulling off clothes such as baby doll dresses and lace-up jeans, while Ms. Jacobson admits that she should have vetted their report topics. Zeke and Tina go up next to report on Wagstaff’s alumni. But when it seems she will mess up, Tina suddenly becomes confident and goes through the note cards without sweating once. After class, Jimmy Jr. and Zeke congratulate her, and Tina shows them the crystal Frond gave her, and how it supposedly brings good energy. Ms. Jacobson tells Tina and Zeke that she has to choose alumni reports to be given the next day at the Wagstaff anniversary assembly, and the two of them, along with Tammy and Jocelyn, will be giving them (due to being the only four who didn’t just reread off the school website’s “about us” section”). Tina feels confident with the crystal by her. 
 
At dinner that night, the family are proud of Tina for doing well on her oral report and being in the assembly,. But Bob is skeptical that the crystal helped her, while she just says that she no longer was “the cooler”. Louise notices that their dinner is all vegetables, and Linda explains that they cannot use all the “weird” produce in the restaurant in time before it rots, so she brought some up there. But the kids refuse to take the apples she offers to school (with gene noting one looks like Bob’s rear).
 
At school the next day, Tina asks Mr. Frond if she can hold onto the crystal for the assembly, which he okays, as he is distracted texting Cassie for a third date of dinner at his place that night. Tina finds Zeke and Jimmy Jr in the hall, with Zeke trying to break his record for holding a pencil with his lip, which he manages to do, and attributes to Tina standing near him. Jimmy asks Tina if he can have the crystal for PE, so he can clear the running hurdles rather than hitting his penis on them like the last time. Tina doesn’t want to loan it out as frond only loaned it to her, but Zeke suggests Tina with the crystal near them helped, and she agrees to be near for PE. Louise and Gene see all this, and Louise suggests that since people think the crystal has powers, they can make some money.
At the restaurant, a customer tries to leave while Linda bugs him to take a fruit or vegetable from a bowl by the door. Bob gives Teddy a side salad with his burger, but Teddy rejects, saying it’s just a way to get rid of the “weird” vegetables. Linda tells Bob that even with the salads and food bowl, it will still go bad before they get rid of all of it. But when she suggests giving a crooked cucumber to Mort, Bob gets the idea to pickle the fruits and vegetables.
 
In the hallway, Louise, Gene and Peter Pescadero walk up to Tina, and Louise says that they are letting people pay them a small fee to have Tina and the crystal stand next to them. Peter pays Louise 50 cents to try and do a breakdancing windmill move next to Tina, which he seems to pull off. Later, Tina stands near Rudy as she asks Chloe to be his science partner, which she agrees to as her regular partner is out sick. In the 4th grade classroom, the siblings and the crystal stand near Ms. LaBonz, who goes all in with an online poker hand and wins. 
In the cafeteria at lunch, Gene is happy to have finally gotten the corner piece of the Mac and cheese, while Louise says there are more crystal customers, but Tina wants to give the crystal a rest so she can have some of its power for the assembly, although she’s s not sure how it works. Frond approaches them and asks about getting the crystal back for “Cassie-role” dinner that night, before Jocelyn distracts them by tripping on her jean laces. Frond needs the crystal back, and Tina says she will give it back after the assembly, but right as she says she is taking good care of it, she realizes it is gone from the table. She and Frond panic. 
 
Frond leaves to help an alumnus but tells Tina to find the crystal or Cassie will be mad at him. Tina is always upset because she won’t have the crystal to help her speak at the assembly. Louise guesses that someone must have stolen it, and the trio proceed to search Peter, Rudy, Jimmy Jr., and LaBonz’s desk, but to no avail.
At the restaurant kitchen, Linda is chopping up and jarring the fruits and vegetables with hot vinegar, but when Bob comes up from the basement with jars, he finds the smell overwhelming ,and shows Linda that she’s not smelling it because she’s been around the smell so long, and she blames Bob for doing this and nearly destroying everything they built, while he just wanted to help save ugly food, but then they adjust to the smell and keep pickling.
 
The kids are hopeless until they spot Tammy with the crystal in the hallway. Louise realizes that Jocelyn failing was a distraction to steal the crystal, which Tammy denies. Tina demands the crystal back, but Tammy says it is not Tina’s, it is Frond’s, and she will give it back to Frond after using its “crystal power” to help her presentation. She has found out that one alumni is the owner of the boutique shop Mary Queen of Skorts, and wants to be taken in under the owner’s wing into the fashion industry before putting the crystal in her locker. Tina is distraught, but Louise has a plan: they will go to class, get bathroom passes, and break into Tammy’s locker.
Teddy comes back for a second lunch, while Bob brings up several jars of pickled vegetables, but Teddy still accuses Bob of “foisting” the ugly food on people. Bob gives Linda a pickled carrot slice, but Teddy passes on a pickled strawberry (which he mistakenly thought was cauliflower), and tells teddy when he refuses that he pickles are for people who don’t want to waste food and want to make the world better.
Tina and Louise break into Tammy’s locker (while Gene arrives late due to actually needing the bathroom), with Tina’s anxiety rising due to lying and the possibility of not having the crystal for the assembly or Frond, when the bell rings. Louise finally gets the locker open, but Tammy catches them and is shocked they are stealing the crystal from her (while not getting it when Tina points out she stole the crystal first). The two fight over the crystal, only for it to fall from their hands and shatter. Tammy hurries off, and Frond shows up to ask Tina about the crystal, only to scream seeing it in pieces on the floor. 
 
At the assembly, Tammy sees “Mary Queen of Skorts” in the audience from the behind the stage curtain. Tina is nervous and sweating and admits to Zeke that they don’t have the crystal due to the fight with Tammy. Zeke becomes nervous. Mr. Frond also gives a dark, depressing speech about how everything dies as he addresses the assembly.
 
At the restaurant, Bob is happy to have emptied a pickle jar, but after Linda says they’ll keep buying ugly produce every week, he admits to Linda that it was a lot of work and they both smell of pickles. He asks if they should never do it again, to Linda and Teddy’s relief. 
Frond continues his speech about dying alone at the assembly, before calling up Tina and Zeke to do their “I Spy Amazing Alumni” report. Tina quickly messes up the report, reading Zeke’s part and getting mouth phlegm. After about a minute, she apologizes to the audience, saying she is not great at oral reports and how having a partner makes her even more nervous and sweaty, and also not having the crystal (despite it might not having magic powers). After Zeke asks if they are still doing the report, Tina says maybe she should accept that she gets nervous, and makes a joke about her pit sweat, before getting the “wrap it up” signal from a stage manager. The two walk off to a smattering of applause, and Zeke admits they didn’t get to talk about the alumni, but congratulates Tina on her speech. Tammy and Jocelyn are about to do their presentation, but “Mary Queen of Skorts” wlaks out to take a phone call, leaving Tammy distraught. 
 
In the hall, Tina is getting water when Frond approaches her, saying that while her speech was very awkward, it also gave him the push to leave a voice mail to Cassie about the crystal, and she texted back that she doesn’t believe crystals don’t really break, they just “spread their energy”, and that she agreed to “Cassie-role” dinner with Frond. As Frond leaves to prepare his home, Gene and Louise congratulate Tina and head off to get frozen yogurt with the $3.50 Louise got in crystal money.
==Videos==
Breaking News- 4th Graders Don't Know How To Spell - Season 12 Ep- 2 - BOB'S BURGERS
Tina Gets a Magic Crystal - Season 12 Ep- 2 - BOB'S BURGERS
Only Veggies For Dinner? - Season- 12 Ep 2 - BOB'S BURGERS
==External links==
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Category:Episodes
Category:Season 12 Episodes
Category:2021 Episodes
Category:BASA Episodes
Category:Episodes Written by Holly Schlesinger
Category:Episodes Directed by Tom Riggin