My Cards Will Go On (Episode 3)

The gang travel to Duellist Kingdom on a luxurious cruise ship, but onboard shenanigans commence. 
Cast (In order of appearance): Yami, Yugi, Joey, Serenity, Tristan, Téa, Kemo, Guard, Mai, Rex, Weevil, Pegasus 
= Transcript =
YAMI: I'm not actually in this episode.. has anyone seen my agent?
On top of the school, dusk
YUGI (thinking): Well, Grandpa's a drooling vegetable. And now, thanks to Pegasus, he's lost his soul too. I've justgotta save him. But first, I should probably figure out how to get down from here. Hello? A little help here? Anybody?
Joey's room
JOEY: Hey, it's another video! I wonder if Pegasus wants my soul too?
He puts the video in the player
SERENITY (on the video): What's up big brother?
JOEY: It's my sister who sounds nothin' like me!
SERENITY: The doctors have been so busy trying to figure out why my voice is so high-pitched, they've neglected to treat my eyesight! So I'm going blind. Well, seeya later! ..or not..
JOEY: I guess my soul ain't good enough for Pegasus.
At school the next day
YUGI: I've decided to accept Pegasus' invitation and travel to his private island where I'll be completely at his mercy. It's a shame rich megalomaniacs are immune from the law, otherwise we could just call the police!
JOEY: Cash sure does do terrible things to people. It's like the old saying goes: Money is the root of all-
TRISTAN: Hey look! This tournament has a prize of three million dollars!
JOEY: Cha-ching! Duelist Kingdom, here I come!
Outside
YUGI: Hey Joey, remember the time we became friends?
JOEY: Yeah.
Flashback
YUGI: Give me back my Millennium Puzzle you big dickweeds! Waaaah!
JOEY and TRISTAN: We're tormenting you!
End flashback
YUGI: Actually Joey, I was talking about the part after that.
JOEY: Oh.. oh yeah, now I remember!
Flashback
YUGI: I mean it guys, give it back!
JOEY and TRISTAN: We're still tormenting you!
End flashback
JOEY: Man, good times!
YUGI: No Joey, I mean the time when I saved you from that bully!
JOEY: Huh.. no.. no, I don't remember that..
YUGI: But I was all heroic and stuff!
JOEY: Hey, remember the time me and Tristan took your Millennium Puzzle?
Flashback
YUGI: Waaaahahahaaah!
JOEY and TRISTAN: Torment!
End flashback
YUGI: Remind me why we're friends again?
At the boat for Duelist Kingdom
KEMO: Attention Duelists! My hair is telling you that it's time for you to board! Anyone caught without a crazy hairstyle will NOT be permitted to enter the Duelist Kingdom!
JOEY: (Being held by guards) Hey! But my hair's all blonde and poofy!
GUARD: Sorry sir, but it needs to be at least twice the size of your head for it to count.
YUGI: He's with me.
GUARD: Wow! Your hair's crazy enough for two people! Okay he can go.
JOEY: Thanks Yug. Man, your hair really is crazy. What the heck's your secret?
YUGI: L'Oréal. Because I'm worth it.
TÉA: Come on, Tristan! Let's sneak on board like Solid Snake!
TRISTAN: Don't our parents even care that we're missing?
MAI: Is that a Lightforce Sword in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
JOEY: Check it out, Yug. It's a pair of giant breasts attached to a woman.
MAI: The name's Mai Valentine. It's not a very subtle pun, but then again, nothing about me is very subtle.
JOEY: Boooobiiiiies.
MAI: I'll crush you when we get to the island.
JOEY: With your boobies, right?
TRISTAN: What's wrong, Téa?
TÉA: I need to use the bathroom, but the lady who dubs me won't admit it.
TRISTAN: In another few hours the sun will rise!
TÉA: What the f*ck does that mean?!
Text appears on screen: (seriously, he actually says that... wtf?)
TÉA: Hey, isn't that Bakura?
TRISTAN: Bakura? The limey kid from school?
TÉA: What's he doing here?
TRISTAN: Who cares? He's not even a main character!
Rex's room on the boat
REX: Woah! Uh-huh-huh.. Come to Raptor.
MAI: Tell you what, Rex, if I win this duel, I get to use your room. But if you win, then I'll give you a kiss!
REX: Cool. Then I, like, won't be a virgin anymore.
On deck
WEEVIL: Heh-heh, hey Yugi, heh-heh, like, give me your cards or something. Heh-heh.
YUGI: Well, you're clearly evil, but I see no reason not to trust you.
WEEVIL: Say goodbye to Exodia! (throws Exodia overboard) Heh-heh-heh-heh, yeah, heh-heh that was cool, heh-heh-heh (leaves)
YUGI: Holy cow, I never even saw that coming!
JOEY: I'll save 'em! (dives after the cards)
The theme from Titanic plays
JOEY: Must.. risk.. life.. for cards!
Yugi dives in after him to save him
The Titanic theme cuts
TRISTAN: (drops a ladder down to them) Hey! Get a room you two!
Boat hallway
MAI: Get out, loser! (Chucks Rex into the hall)
REX: Uh.. did I just score?
On deck
TÉA: Sorry you almost drowned, guys.
TRISTAN: If it's any consolation, the sun will be up in a few hours!
JOEY: Man, I can't believe I didn't save your cards! Compared to this, my sister's imminent blindness seems like a minor inconvenience!
YUGI: Your sister? How come you never mentioned that sub-plot before?
JOEY: My parents got divorced a long time ago, because I tried teaching her how to drive.
Flashback
SERENITY: (in a car) Joey! Stop this crazy thing!
JOEY: Apply the handbrake, ya dumb broad!
End flashback
TRISTAN (thinking): If she's going blind, I might actually have a chance with her!
Morning
YUGI: We'll both do our best, Joey! You for your sister, and me for my Grandpa.
TÉA: I'm not even sure why I bothered coming!
TRISTAN: Hey, look! I was right about the sun!
End
Stinger:
ADIMRAL ACKBAR: It's a TRAP! (Trap Hole appears on screen)
== Cultural References ==
*The episode title and the scene where Joey tries to save Exodia are obvious parodies of the 1997 film Titanic and the hit song from its soundtrack, Céline Dion's "My Heart Will Go On".
*Téa and Tristan's lines regarding "the sun coming up" refer to the change from the original version, where Anzu had to go to the bathroom and Honda suggests just going over the edge, to which Anzu retorts that she's not a boy. The 4Kids dub had Téa say she was freezing; Tristan says "in a few hours, the sun will rise" and Téa is oddly offended by this.
*Mai's line, "I'll crush you when we get to the island", is taken directly from the 4Kids dub.
Category:Episodes