Can You Survive Blaine Boysmell/TZEnd

"It's because of the woke mind virus."
This seems to stop your captor in his tracks. He stares at you for a few moments, silent and without any change in body language.
Then he sits down on the floor. He's facing you directly.
"...I've heard of such a plague. Elaborate."
You scoff.
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"It's exactly what it sounds like. People have wokeness in their minds, usually as a result of frequent social media usage, especially on popular liberal media sites such as...Twitter, the message-sharing platform...and Tik Tok, the short-form video sharing social media app sometimes seen as a spiritual successor to Vine."
Again, he seems completely stunned by your words.
"Just now...you went out of your way to explain to me what Twitter and Tik Tok were. I'm already well aware of those platforms, of course...everyone is. But the way you described them..."
He blinks a few times...and then he looks you over.
"Come to think of it...those sunglasses you're wearing look awfully familiar...and your beard...your baseball cap..."
You smile.
"You finally recognize me?"
"Gods' blood, it is you...
Your captor, Blaine Boysmell, finally realizes just who he's abducted. Your name is TONY ZARET. You're one of the most famous scholars to ever grace the frozen streets of Ishgard, famous for your theorems on Poe's Law and the relationship between "Awesome Sauce Gamers" and "Video Gaming."
You and Blaine share a good laugh about the mixup. Blaine himself was educated by the Ishgard scholasticate, after all- that's how he got the Spectacles emote. You bond over shared experiences with teachers, and when the sun sets, you both go home with one more friend than you had the previous day.
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=ENDING C - SOY BOYS UNITED=