How To Construct A Siege

an adventure starring Dr. Crud III, Beans, and Olive
Description: After some testy annual review sessions with Nulisag, late on a snowy night, a mysterious mechanical construct enters the guild hall asking for protection. More visitors arrive looking for their employer's lost property. 
Setting: Niqamui, in the Firebreathing Kittens guild hall
Characters:
* Nulisag
* Olive
* Beans
* Dr. Crud III
* Iain Honeytree
* Titus Askr
* Keshet Byrne
* Melvin Haran
* Shirley Knope
* Dr. Pepper
Plot synopsis:
Olive, Beans and Dr. Crud III do chores in the guild hall late on a snowy night while they wait for Nulisag to call them in for their individual annual reviews. They're surprised to see Iain Honeytree, a mild-mannered accountant present during their meetings, but he keeps to himself in the corner. Nulisag questions Dr. Crud's commitment to his pacifism. He lets Beans know that for whatever reason, he just doesn't trust him. And he tries to get to the real reason that Olive decided to become a mercenary instead of just joining a peaceful exercise club.
After their reviews, a female Construct enters asking for protection. She explains that she escaped a tiny room where she had waited for over 3 years and was pursued by a group of people but lost them in the forest. She admires Olive's teeth and keeps trying to pet Beans. She seems amazed by everything she sees as she's been locked in a small room all her life.
She doesn't have a name, so they give her one - Shirly Knope. Nulisag thinks they should take her to the police, but Olive offers to hide her at her apartment.
As they open the door to leave, Titus and Byrne enter asking for their employer's property back, indicating that they mean the Construct. They engage in a fight in which the thugs are beaten unconscious. They hog tie the thugs and agree to take them to the police. Dr. Crud carries Titus to the door. But as he is about to step outside three arrows are shot at him. He takes one to the shoulder while Titus takes the other two. He sees a dozen assailants ready their bows for more shots and quickly closes the door. The arrows thunk into the door and Crud informs them that they are under attack.
A voice from outside calls out, "Allen?!". Nulisag, whose first name is Allen, responds, "Melvin?!".
Nulisag explains that he used to adventure with Melvin. They were on their way to kill what they thought was a dragon and came upon a litter of kittens. Nulisag was suspicious and didn't go near them, but Melvin picked one up with the intention of killing and eating it when it blew fire into his face. Nulisag was able to get him stable and bring him back to town, but since then Melvin became obsessed with self protection, using magic to avoid any pain or danger. Nulisag explains that the Construct is one of Melvin's projects. The magic that animates her, is also making Melvin immortal. She is a bridge between a source of magic and Melvin.
Nulisag grabs a sack of magical items which include slippers of spider climbing, a ring of telekinesis, a potion of invulnerability, an immovable rod, a portable hole and a rope of entanglement. Nulisag takes something from his pocket and gives it to Shirley and whispers something to her.
A secret message is sent to each hero's mind from Melvin. Olive and Beans are told to "Kill Nulisag. Give me the Construct. You'll go free. Keep this secret." But Dr. Crud is told "I have Dr. Pepper (his mentor). Bring me the Construct or he dies. You have 5 minutes. Keep this secret."
Dr. Crud convinces Shirley to hide in the portable whole with a law book that Beans had been reading earlier. She is persuaded and goes into the hole admiring the shapes of the letters since she can't read. Crud folds up the hole and puts it in his pocket.
They try to think of some traps they could set, potentially luring someone into the newly installed sauna and barricading it with an immovable rod. They open the door to the sauna and open the front door. Beans casts minor illusion to make it seem like Shirley is calling out from the sauna. But they don't enter, suspecting a trap.
They hear commotion and breaking glass upstairs. Beans casts darkness. The intruders aren't willing to go further in without being able to see, so they fall back.
With the front door open, thugs walk up and thrown in a vile of Essence of Ether and shut the doors. The heroes are able to overcome the poison's effects, but Iain is knocked unconscious. 
Melvin calls out that times up and he will kill Dr. Pepper. Crud attempts to bluff Melvin by saying that he will scratch off the rune on Shirley's forehead which will sever the magical link between them but also kill Shirley.
Melvin doesn't believe him and slits Dr. Pepper's throat.
Olive rushes outside with Iain using the slippers of spider climbing to avoid tables and chairs. She is hit with arrows, but manages to catch one and throw it at Melvin. He gets hit between the eyes and falls down dead, but quickly gets back up, pulls the arrow out and heals.
Iain wakes up and sees that Olive is hurt. He then turns into a werebear and attacks the assailants.
Beans sneaks out the window and jumps to the neighbouring building where he attempts to push snipers off of the roof.
Crud attempts to sneak out the front door but he is an elephant. Still, he manages to cast Charm on Melvin who is convinced to enter the portable hole.
The heroes continue to fight this small army of thugs while inside the hole, Shirley confronts her creator. She realises that her friends will continue to fight and be killed for her, so she swallows the item that Nulisag gave her earlier which is an exploding seed. She blows up, killing herself and Melvin.
As Melvin dies so do half of the thugs - the ones who had been killed in battles before this. They were also benefitting from his immortality magic and quickly wither away into skeletons.
The next morning, Nulisag draws a portrait of Shirley and hangs it on the wall under the mantle "Our Fallen Kittens".
Nulisag teases Crud about threatening to kill Shirley during his bluff, questioning how much of a pacifist he really is. He tells Beans that he's a real Fire breathing Kitten for not leaving the fight last night.
As he's about to speak to Olive, Olive questions Nulisag's decision to give Shirley, who was virtually a child, a suicide pill. The others are also angry with him since they felt they could have won that fight. Nulisag accuses them of being arrogant for thinking they could have survived without Shirley's sacrifice.
Olive cuts her FBK tattoo off of her hand and heals the damaged skin with a healing potion and leaves the guild. Crud follows and so does Beans after sneaking a clump of poo into Nulisag's pocket.
Memorable Quotes:
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Category:Episodes