15: Hospital Hijinks

The episode starts in the Hospital waiting room as Granny waves the Sidebars goodbye, being carted off by guards into a sideroom and assuring the team (vaguely so as to not give them away) that she has this whole money debt misunderstanding handled. Meanwhile the Sidebars continue their various deceptions. Bardley continues to juggle and entertain the kids. 
Hamlet edges towards the reception desk to sort out the whole "Helmet Name" thing with the Junior Nurse. She wants him to fill out the forms to fix it and just wants him to press the desk button. Hamlet takes off his shoe and uses it, having formed suspicions about this hospital now. The junior nurse points out that it's an identity button and she needs that pressed to stop someone pretending to be him and that they already have Hamlet's blood, thus the sign above his head. Hamlet walks away before getting his name fixed.
Dexter and Bardley however, do not have floating signs above their head as they have not had direct dealings with the hospital before. So they try to ditch Hamlet, being a liability with his sign? Dexter uses what he knows about the Hospital from the map outside and what he can see in the corridors around him, to put together a plan. He goes towards the bad cases because in his mind it's where the nurses would be closest and moves with slinky weaving purpose down the hallway around the patients and nurses going about their business. He gets to the end of the corridor and sees doors open as a bed goes past him. He decides to wait by these doors until they open again, a few minutes goes past and then another comes out so he grabs the opportunity to go inside. Dexter can see a small box and on the wall are different buttons labelled 1 to 5. Dexter has never come across this before and while investigating accidentally hits the "4" button with the spoon on his back lighting it up. There's a weird feeling and the 4 goes dark and the doors slide open on dark corridors with intermittent light. He lights a torch and sees that on the outside there is also one button on the outside of the box. 
Hamlet meanwhile has calmed down outside and comes back in to try again. More senior nurse identifies the issue and says that the whole lacky signing you in wrong thing happens all of the time. She explains the security of the doors and the blood scans and the floating medical history. He sorts out the whole name change forms thing and asks to use the bathroom. 
Bardley is exploring the hospital under the guise of entertaining the young and old sick people, while asking questions if they have seen anything weird. Meets a lady with a giant purple mushroom growing out of her face, got from getting drunk and sleeping on the ground ... apparently. Bardley takes some of the purple mushroom for later. Her name is Disgracia De Mente (patreon name) and she's been been getting drunk off her own supply, she makes moonshine but lately she hasn't been able to get the same ingredients so she's been using all sorts, she woke up like this. Eventually, Bardley and Hamlet meet up having not seen anything terribly weird or strange and explore further. They note that Dexter is nowhere to be seen but they also see the sliding doors box. 
Back down with Dexter, he walks down dark hallways and passes by doors with glass panels leading to dark rooms. Hearing some hollow dripping at a distance, but everything is so quiet. Go to the end of the corridor to the T junction, moving right and nothing really changes. Jarring change from the action of above and Dexter has bad vibes and hair raising on the back of his neck from the spooky factor as he continues to investigate. 
Hamlet and Bardley get in the box and Bardley presses all the buttons. Hamlet looks at it and thinks it looks similar to the clockwork calculators he knows of and his family being fancy owns one. The doors shut, that weird seasick feeling happens and the number 2 goes dark. Then when the doors open on a brightly lit long stay ward, Hamlet recalls seeing a lift work once a long time ago and puts the pieces together that this must be what it is. They let the doors close once more and they try and perceive where it goes, the sensation is too weird and nothing gives them a bearing to say down or up. This time the doors open to a dimly lit corridor and they get out, Bardley stumbles a little on exit of the Lift-Drop, and they look around a peaceful cheery space. They see many doors coming off the central corridor labelled alphabetically A-Z, the lift drop opening in the middle labels and at both ends brightly lit cheery lounge/kitchen/dining spaces with off-duty nurses chilling out. They look around for Nurse B's lodgings and see that the door is open to the room as they approach. 
Dexter down (or up?) trooping around in the dark, light, dark, light, and walking in the quiet with a constant drip keeping him company, he notices a echoey step keeping pace with the drip, someone moving in time with it to keep themselves hidden. He moves towards a door and opens it towards him, goes in and closes it, waiting to see if someone walks past while he's hidden inside. He hears right behind him a hissing noise....
Bardley does an arcana check on this room from outside and senses the regular healing magic, and tastefully bust into the room. Holding onto the bust so you don't bang, startling the furry individual inside. It's furry whiskers twitch as it demands "Who are you and what are you doing here?"
And that's the end of the episode!