The Case of the Nacho Dragon

An adventure starring Wevellian von Urden, Wing/Nugget, and Simmond the Kind. 
Tweet length description: Wing, Simmond, and Willy undertake a smattering of odd jobs to uncover the truth and save the innocent. No dungeon, but dragons aplenty by the end of this exciting installment of Firebreathing Kittens.
Setting: Niqamui, Elysian Fields, Niqamui Museum of Natural History
Non Player Characters:
* Garex the Swashbuckler
* Dean Paltrinieri
* Tyfanni Hopana
* Zamfira Argentine
* Lala Abildgaard
* Ernst Lee
* Chanté (née O'Brien) Kampusch
* Vaclav Kampusch
Plot Summary:
This adventure sees Wevellian von Urden, Simmond the Kind, Wing and Nugget gather at the Niqamui Museum of Natural History where they hope to see some stuffed bird people and or other mummified exhibits. Upon entering they are spotted and held in the scrutinizing gaze of Ernst Lee, a well dressed man who appears to be fulfilling the role of manager/overseer today. He and Wing might have a connection, but neither of them seem to fully recognize the other. 
There is a glass exhibit that has drawn the attention of a crowd of people. Curious to see what all the fuss is about, the group of Willy, Simmond and Wing and Nugget make their way over. The exhibit seems to contain a very fancy and shiny necklace with precious quartz stones inlaid in it. There is a plaque that expands upon what this exhibit is, and after Wing is unsuccessful in reading it because he isn’t good with the letters, Simmond shows his big brain power and reads the plaque. It explains that this expensive necklace belonged to Chanté (née O'Brien) Kampusch. 
The group is continuously stared at by Ernst Lee, so they go and see what he wants. Simmond creates a flower for him with fancy druid magic, and Ernst seems to unintentionally take this as flirting. After an awkward exchange, the gang decides to tour the museum, spending the next several hours there. Willy gets himself acquainted with many lovely dead people that are on display. 
A tour of a large museum will create an appetite in even hardy adventurers, so the gang sets off for the Combinie convenience store to get some snacks. Upon entering the store, Wing notices that the clerk takes some money from the cash register and quickly pockets it, but he doesn’t think much of it. They're just taking their paycheck. Upon Willy’s suggestion, the gang buys a large box of Nachos and Wing pays with one of the many copper pieces that have been falling on his head all day long. Willy strikes up a conversation with the clerk, a satyr named Tyfanni Hopana, but she is rather disinterested. 
The gang makes their way back to the Firebreathing Kittens Guildhall while enjoying their nachos, which Willy doesn’t partake of, even though it was his suggestion. He, apparently, does not eat. Upon arriving at the guildhall, Willy spots a sobbing man who is deep in his cups. In a peculiar way of comforting someone, Willy joins the man and starts crying and drinking as well, which doesn’t work very well and he splashes whiskey over himself. After some back and forth conversation, the crying man is revealed to be Garex the Swashbuckler, and he shares his woes. Apparently he was falsely accused of robbing a convenience store, the same store where the gang had just gotten their nachos! When Wing tells Simmond what he saw the clerk do, Simmond once again shows his big brain by deducing that the store clerk must be stealing the money and blaming customers for the theft. 
At the same time, Willy notices something on the notice board, a flyer that asks for help in the Elysian Fields. The post was made by Lala Abildgaard, and it explains that their neighbour was eaten by a dragon which has since taken over the neighbour’s house! The gang decides to help both Garex and Lala. First they go to the police precinct of the Niqamui Nine-Nine, where a very friendly officer takes their statement about the clerk stealing money. He informs them that the case will go to court the following morning and they are welcome to testify there. 
With some time to spare before their court appearance the next day, the gang heads to Elysian Fields to find a dragon. Since nobody in Elysian Fields has bothered to put up street name signs, they quickly become lost and decide to ask for directions at the nearest house. 
There is a porcupine woman at the front door who is relieved to see the three intrepid adventurers and Nugget, and she says there is a snake in the house attacking her husband! Ever the hero, Willy rushes inside with no regard for his own safety and engages the giant snake. Wing and Simmond follow, but after a very brief struggle the snake appears to get the better of them, as it knocks out and intends to eat Wing. Luckily Simmond is a druid and he knows how to talk to animals. With some quick thinking and reasoning, Simmond convinces the snake to not eat Wing and instead leaves the house to go find some cows. 
With the snake gone, the husband of the house can come out of the bathroom. This turns out to be Vaclav Kampusch, a very traumatized man who has been through way more hardship than anyone rightfully should. His wife, Chanté (née O'Brien) Kampusch comes to comfort him and after taking care of her husband informs the gang of all the strange troubles they have been in together, and of the help the Firebreathing Kittens have given them before. Willy informs her that her necklace, one of the many possessions that had been sold or given away after she and her husband were turned into a cat and a vase respectively, is on display at the Niqamui Museum of Natural History and that she should go get it back. Chanté thanks the Firebreathing Kittens for their help and gives them directions to the house where the dragon should be. 
On the way Simmond uses some healing magic to bring Wing back to consciousness. Arriving at the grand estate that had allegedly been taken over by a dragon, the gang approaches cautiously. Unluckily for them, a large glacier of ice falls on their head, and none of them is able to jump away from it in time. All 3 adventurers are knocked unconscious for a moment, before they are healed and brought back up by Zamfira Argentine. This is the Silver Dragon that they were told had eaten the owner of the house, but it turns out the dragon IS the legal owner of the house. It seems some misunderstandings were afoot. After explaining why they were there, Zamfira quite firmly asks the gang to leave, since she is very tired of adventuring guilds trespassing on her property. 
A quick visit to another grand house in the Elysian Fields brings Simmond and Willy once again face to face with Ernst Lee. An uncomfortable conversation follows, in which Willy mistakenly tries to intimidate Ernst with a deep booming voice. He and Simmond just want to know where they can find the person who posted the request at the Firebreating Kittens Guildhall, Lala Abildgaard. Ernst agrees to take them with him to a fancy private cigar club tomorrow to meet Lala. The gang goes back to the guildhall, exhausted and with barely a hitpoint to their name, and they go to sleep in their various prefered places. Except for Willy of course who does not sleep. 
In the morning, the gang goes back to the convenience store to get Tiffany and bring her to court to answer for her false allegations and stealing. After some scary intimidation by Willy, Tiffany breaks down and confesses. Armed with their key witness/perpetrator, and a fresh box of cheesy nachos, the gang goes to the courthouse and hands Tiffany over. She confesses to the theft and the false allegations against Garex and apparently also against the adventurous trio. 
With that matter resolved, finally the gang can head to the private cigar club, where Ernst Lee is waiting for them. He starts to explain how cigars work in intimate detail. Hoping to get these 3 ne'er do wells into some presentable shape, Ernst’s hopes are quickly squashed when Wing eats his cigar and gets tobacco poisoning. Inside the shop, the proprietor is convinced to get Lala from inside so they can all talk. Simmond has come up with a devious plan to fulfill the contract that Lala had offered the Firebreathing Kittens. Simmond informs him that his neighbour was not eaten by a dragon, but was in fact a powerful high level spellcaster who used the illusion of a silver dragon to scare away unwanted poor people. Excited by this idea, Lala and Ernst start discussing how they too can get illusory guard dragons. Golden ones of course, because those are better than silver. Wing convinces them with his mimicry skills to hire the adventurous trio to help make these illusory dragons. 
With the contract fulfilled and with the first project for Firebreathing Kittens Industrial Illusions under their belt, the trio is paid handsomely. Many of the residents of Elysian Fields now have guard illusion dragons to keep out the peasantry. 
Memorable Quotes:
"I don't sleep." - Wevellian von Urden while standing very still for 8 hours in the corner of the guild hall.
"No." - Simmond the Kind when teaching Wing about how monetary transactions work.
Category:Episodes