Infidelity

Hi. I'm George and I'm writing my story down because I don't want anyone else ever experience all the things I went through. It's a very personal story, so please forgive if at times I get too emotional.
It all started three years back. On my way to uni I stopped for my usual coffee to go. I go into the café, walk up to the counter and there she was. Mary. She was new at the shop, her first day as she would later tell me, and I just lost it. She was mesmerizingly beautiful. Standing behind the small desk of cheap, light colored wood where she took the orders. Her long brown hair in harmony with the burgundy walls, falling slightly in front of her face. Hazel eyes, full lips and a body that was perfect for my tastes. The curves, the height, the ratio, everything was exactly like I imagined my dream girl. I wanted to say hello, maybe a bit of small talk, but all I could muster was "A hot latte macchiato, no sugar." I paid, walked out and realized two things. First of all, I didn't greet anyone, even though I was a regular for the past two years and everyone and their moms knew me. Secondly, my usual coffee is iced cappuccino with 3 and a half spoons of sugar. Well, at least they got a laugh out of it.
It took me a few weeks to actually greet her and introduce myself (the rest of the staff teasing me on her off days certainly didn't make it easier, but hey, that's what friends are for). I still don't know how I mustered the courage up to ask her out, but I did. The seconds she took to shyly look at the floor, put her hair to the side, smile with that bright smile and say yes felt longer than the rest of my life up to that point. We met up in the city center. She was wearing jeans, a black shirt that embraced her torso perfectly, painting an image that was exactly in between beautiful and sexy. The sweet spring breeze was not enough to make her bring a jacket of any kind. We went out to nice, quiet bar and the conversation felt so natural, so fluid with her that it could've gone on forever. Her every move, the slightest touch, the slyest of looks, the faintest giggle made my heart race. As it got late, I offered to accompany her home, even though I had to take a totally different subway route to get to my place than she had to get to hers. She gladly took the offer and we continued our conversation right up to her door. There, we said goodbye. I didn't want to come off as impatient, so I didn't make a move to kiss her, even though my body was aching for it. I tried to stay calm and cool and she gave me a sweet little kiss on the cheek. 
My mind's reaction was unreal. I wasn't inexperienced in love matters, but the fire that she ignited with that small gesture was far beyond even the most passionate acts of love I had ever received by my previous partners. My body was frozen for a few moments, my knees weak; my thoughts out of control and I'm pretty sure she knew, because as she opened the door, she smiled to me so innocently and mischievous at the same time. 
I was enchanted. Our next meet up was at an earlier time in the afternoon, in one of the older parts of the city, with stone streets, neo-classic buildings in harmony with the remnants of the ancient civilization that once was here, entwined with nature's light touches. (If you couldn't tell, I live in Europe). We walked up a hill as the sun was setting, which was my intention all along, on the path that went between the trees and to the peak. So many people, both natives and tourists, were walking here as well, but I just took her to the side, the sun falling through the blossomed branches form our side and I leaned in to kiss her. She responded and I felt like never before. A kiss like no other, so sweet, so passionate. It tasted like nectar that the gods of Olympus drank. My hands embraced her and hers me. No awkwardness, no searching. We broke the kiss simultaneously and we looked at each other with eyes of bliss. She smiled and said, "I couldn't even imagine that a first kiss could feel like this." As if she read my thoughts. After that, we continued our walk and each kiss was a moment in heaven.
The months went by as we grew closer to each other. Our relationship evolved over time. The first time I saw her body, my heart stopped for a moment, the first time we touched my mind went blank and the only thing that felt better than our bodies connecting was our minds connecting, our feelings fusing, our emotions taking our rationality away. 
I felt like she was the one. I was sure of it. But I first saw a crack in her smile a bit after our first year anniversary. I thought not too much of it, since every couple has its quarrels and we were no different. It's part of the relationship and in my opinion, it helps keep it healthy, since that's how in the end you find solutions to your problems and since it reminds you of what you love in each other. But these small cracks kept reappearing, more often as time went by, but I couldn't find a reason. We had no big fights, we didn't have fallouts, we even lived together for quite some time by that point. I tried my best to make her feel good, to make her feel my love. But around 8 months ago I first felt like she was actually slipping away. I tried talking to her about it, but she said it was in my mind, that maybe I felt that way since I was under stress cause I had to write my thesis for my diploma and she had fallen a bit behind in her studies lately. I forgot to tell you, she was 2 years younger than me, she had moved alone to the city to attend university (a prestigious one I might add) and lately she often talked about her home. I took the opportunity and proposed a trip to her hometown, to visit her family and friends there. She was delighted.
We planned it for a month and when the day arrived, we were so happy. We got on the train and enjoyed the ride through the countryside, glowing in the bronze sun of the fall. Her hometown was beautiful. It had this rustic feeling, even though it certainly wasn't stuck in the past. Old and new were coupled perfectly. Her dad came to pick us up and I was happy to see him again. Such a gentle and warm man, full of happiness to see us. When I first met her family, they immediately make me feel welcome and over time they made me feel like a part of them. Arriving at their house, her mother greeted us with a table full of homemade food and a smile that was so wide and loving that it seemed like it can cure even the most malicious of diseases. So the five of us, parents, us and her baby sister, four years younger than Mary, ate dinner together and talked, laughed and at that moment I thought that this is the family I want to have one day, to sit on the head of the table and look at my wife, my kids and their loved ones. I think everyone could see just how much I loved her. Such innocent and passionate love. At one point later that evening her father even told me that I was everything that he wanted for his daughter. It brought me to tears, it was absolute happiness and bliss. I'm so sorry for what they had to go through...
Once back in the city, she told me that one day she went to town with her mother for shopping, she saw her first love and realized how much she loved me. That guy had broken her heart in the past, he had left her because, as he said, she bored him. We had talked about it in the past and I knew what a big scar it had left on her and I knew that seeing him brought back a lot of the pain. I finally had my girl back, no more cracks in her smile, no more hesitation in her movements. That's what I thought. But I soon realized something was off. It felt colder, more distant, even though she held me closer than ever.
In the next weeks I felt the cold become gradually closer, until one day I felt everything freeze and break. Her kiss was only that, a kiss. She wasn't mine anymore, I felt it, she couldn't hide it anymore, no more masquerades. It broke me but I had to keep my cool, I wanted to know the full truth, no excuses, no stories.
My graduation was a thing of the past now, spring slowly started to make its first appearance and our three year anniversary drew close. So one day, late February, I told her that I was going to leave for a week because of a potential job offer for a job that didn't require me moving, but the interview had to be in person in a town a couple of hours away and it was more like a small trial to test my abilities. The job offer was real, but I never intended to go to the interview. I rented a small room in the city and I watched her during the hours I knew that she didn't have classes or work hours. Thursday I confirmed my fears. She was with someone else. It wasn't her first love, it was no one I knew, it was just somebody, somebody that got that look from her, that kiss from her, that touch from her. 
They went into his house after a long, romantic walk during which I followed them as I withered second after second. I wanted to leave and leave it all behind, but my body didn't follow my thoughts. It was a small house, two stories. I guessed it belonged to his family, but no one seemed to be there, or so I thought until I heard more voices inside. They stayed there for an hour, then left and got on the bus. I didn't have to follow them, I knew they were heading for our house since they didn't expect anyone to be in his. I was quicker, since I had a car at that point, so I arrived first and hid in the closet. I don't know why I did that, why I was torturing myself, why I set myself to be witness of this. They arrived and immediately started kissing and grabbing each other. I could hear it, even though they were in the other room of our two-room apartment. It was pure pain. They came into our bedroom, onto our bed. Have you ever felt your spine paralyzing? Your limbs going numb? Your eyes dry out, your breath fleeing in terror? You bowels cramp in? Your heart being ripped out of your chest, your veins dry up? Have you felt your flesh fall apart, choking on your own vomit? Your head disconnect from your body? Cause the two of them have.
Category:Diary/Journal
Category:Dismemberment