9 Angry Men and 3 Angry Women

9 Angry Men and 3 Angry Women is DanzxvFan8275's tenth entry of Spin Off Kings Season Two, also being his entry for the season finale. It is also the tenth and final archive of File 1 of I Simp For Juicy Titties. It was released on June 10, 2020.
This episode came in first place in the last round, crowning DanzxvFan8275 as the spin-off king of Season 2.
==Transcript==
[episode begins with SpongeBob walking into his pineapple after a day of work. He takes his Krusty Krab hat off, grabs a beer from the fridge and jumps onto his couch turning the TV on]
SpongeBob: Ah. Nothing like a good ol’ beer drinking and TV watching after a hard day of work. [snaps open the can as Gary slithers over]
Gary: Meow?
SpongeBob: Don’t be silly, Gary, of course I’m not an alcoholic. [finishes can, then becomes visibly worried right away] Oh no, I’m out of beer! SOMEBODY PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY!
Gary: Pffft… meow. [slithers away. At that moment, a news flash comes onto the TV]
Johnny Elaine: We interrupt this program for the revelation of shocking news.
SpongeBob: [gets back up after bawling] What could this be? [turns volume up]
Johnny Elaine: Bikini Bottom monarch King Neptune is currently the prime suspect in a murder case involving his head servant. We report live to correspondent Perch Perkins for more details.
SpongeBob: What?! King Neptune?!
Perch Perkins: Thanks, Johnny. [a banner on the bottom reads “King Neptune’s Aide Found Murdered… Hehehe, Aids.” Perch adjusts his mic] King Neptune’s servant of over 20 years has been found dead in the monarch’s bedroom with multiple burns and scars. Detectives have found a blackmail note from the victim threatening to expose the king in a sexual assault scandal unless the victim was given a promotion. His trial is set for tomorrow. [silence] Uh, yeah, that’s pretty much it, just leave. [SpongeBob turns the TV off and then shrieks]
SpongeBob: I don’t believe it… King Neptune, the own ruler of our city, accused of murder?
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: Gary, no one cares about the sexual assault part. Especially with Trump still being around. [knock on the door] Come in!
[door opens to reveal Patrick is there with a letter]
Patrick: SpongeBob? Uh… what’s a jury duty?
SpongeBob: [gets up and walks over] That means you’re ordered to serve as one of the people who deliberates a court case, why?
Patrick: Oh, interesting. Yep, looks like there’s no way for me to get around this. [SpongeBob looks over, intrigued by the letter]
SpongeBob: Wait a minute… let me see that. [takes letter and quickly glances at it. It shows that Patrick is serving as a juror for King Neptune’s case] Patrick! You’re assigned to King Neptune’s murder trial?!
Patrick: Huh, I guess I am. [chuckles] Uh, what’s a murder trial?
SpongeBob: Look, there’s no time for circumcision talk. This is a huge responsibility, you shouldn’t be taking this ligh-
Patrick: Uh, buddy? [picks up SpongeBob’s stack of mail] You might wanna check this out.
SpongeBob: Don’t root through my mail. [SpongeBob takes the stack and flips through some of it, showing that he has the same letter Patrick got] ...you’re kidding. I also have jury duty tomorrow?
Patrick: Yay! That means we can be jury buddies. [leans into him, but SpongeBob pulls away]
SpongeBob: Patrick, I’m not in the mood for that. This is a serious trial! I just don’t believe King Neptune is capable of doing such a thing. [turns back around] We need to look through all of the evidence and make sure that King Neptune truly did this.
Patrick: Eh, I don’t like King Neptune. He reduced social security the second he took the throne.
SpongeBob: Then get a job like me. You’ll make a lot more money that way then you do through social security.
Patrick: I see. [thinks for a second and is about to nod his head before pulling back] What’s a job again? [SpongeBob facepalms]
[episode cuts to the Bikini Bottom Courtroom. We see inside where King Neptune is in the defendant’s seat with his lawyer Richard A. Bottomfeeder. We then see SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward, Eugene, Sandy, Sheldon, Poppy, Bubble Bass, Larry, Karen, Old Man Jenkins, and Squilliam in the jury seats. The judge is in the background talking when Patrick starts making noises.]
Patrick: Hehe… [whispers] hey SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: [shushes him] Not now!
Patrick: Oh. [looks around] Guess what?
Squidward: Shut the fuck up. Now.
Patrick: Okay. [looks down with a sad expression. Cuts to the judge]
Judge: We will now hear the defense attorney’s closing statement.
Richard A. Bottomfeeder: [stands up] Your honor, and to the jury, I would find it a personal favor to you all if you found my client not guilty, because he still needs to make money off of poor saps- [King Neptune covers his mouth]
King Neptune: ...and what a marvelous statement from my attorney! [grins, but then looks worried afterwards]
Judge: [deadpan expression] Okay then. [turns to jury] Jurors, you have now heard everything that is needed to know about the case. The 12 of you will head into the jury room until a unanimous and impartial verdict is declared. Until then, please set aside any and all personal connections you may have with the defendant or victim. Any questions? [Bubble Bass raises his hand] Yes?
Bubble Bass: Is there a bathroom in this place? Your boy’s gotta take the meanest dump to ever exist.
Judge: You’re gonna have to find that for yourself.
King Neptune: [whispers to Bottomfeeder] Listen here, Bottomfeeder. If it turns out that I’m guilty, I’m setting a torch under your-
Judge: AHEM! What’s going on over there? What have I told you about chit-chatting?
King Neptune: [goes to whip out his trident but stops himself] You know what… nevermind.
[cuts to the jury room in the courthouse. Everyone is seated as Fred walks into the room]
Fred: Alright, folks.. MY LEG! [picks up his leg]
Eugene: You okay?
Fred: Yeah, I’m fine. I actually had the court case before this. I’m suing the guy who broke my leg for 5 million.
Eugene: [has dollar signs for eyes] Well well, I must say… that is an intriguing development. Can I be your law-
Fred: Enough of that. [exhales] Anyway, I’ve been sent here by the judge to be the foreman for this jury. We’re gonna stay here, discuss the facts of the case, and we will not leave until we reach a unanimous verdict.
Sheldon: Discuss?! What’s really there to discuss? I mean, it’s pretty obvious he killed his servant.
Poppy: Yeah, I’ve always found him quite strange. He tried to shut down public funding of my boating school!
Eugene: Remember our date, honey? [leans in] He was in the corner staring at us!
SpongeBob: [stands up] Look guys, I know we’re all in a hurry. But shouldn’t we at least review everything, just so we stay, you know… [circles his hand around] ...bipartisan?
Larry: You think King Neptune is *bipartisan?* Hell no.
Fred: Now, settle down- MY LEG! Oops, sorry. Anyway, there was a note from the victim threatening to expose the facts of his sexual assault case, the chars surrounding his corpse were identical to the ones produced by his trident, and his maid saw the whole event take place.
Patrick: Maid, huh? [folds elbows] Maybe it was just murder porn.
Fred: Who here votes guilty? [everyone’s arms shoot up except for SpongeBob]
Old Man Jenkins: [looking around with his arm up] Everyone votes guilty, good. Now let’s get out of here, I gotta check on the crops.
Patrick: [sweats] Oh, right. Well, about that…
Fred: Not so fast, Old Timer. Anyone here voting not guilty? [SpongeBob slowly raises his hand. This leads to everyone shouting at SpongeBob in anger]
Squidward: What the hell, SpongeBob? This is a no brainer.
Squilliam: [chuckles] So are you. [Squidward looks down in disappointment as Squilliam continues to laugh]
Larry: What’s wrong with you, SpongeBob? This is an open and shut case.
SpongeBob: Listen, as per Section 59B of the Bikini Bottom Court Rules, the defendant must be proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt. [shrugs in emphasis] Think about it, our king’s life is on the line here! What if he didn’t do it?
[continued angry babbling throughout the jury]
Patrick: That’s not up for you to decide!
Eugene: Come on boy, King Neptune is an absolute lunatic. He should’ve been arrested for war crimes years ago! Remember when sold weapons to New Kelp City as they were committing genocide among their citizens?
Sheldon: I hate to agree with Big Red, but he’s right, Sponge dick. I mean really, [jumps onto the table] you saw the blackmail note. King Neptune is the only one with a motive. This is common sense!
SpongeBob: But what about his political rivals? What about his son, Tritan, who he barely edged out in the election? Sure they could also benefit if he was arrested on such a severe charge.
Bubble Bass: You’re saying he was framed?
SpongeBob: It’s just as much as a possibility as him murdering his servant!
Bubble Bass: Hm… this is a job for Mermaid Man! [runs over to the other side of the table with his Mermaid Man costume on] Up, up, an- [shirt rips in half] Oh. Interesting. [turns back to SpongeBob] Carry on.
SpongeBob: Didn’t he even say he never saw the letter?
Eugene: He was under oath, me boy! [pounds fist, which flips Sheldon into the air] So he committed perjury too! [Sheldon lands back down]
Patrick: Well, maybe he could’ve been “exaggerating.”
SpongeBob: [deadpan expression and then carries on] Look, just because he’s a politician doesn’t mean he lies all the time. He’s not like Trump!
Karen: Hey! [turns on monitor] What did you say about Trump, punk! He’s aiding and abetting my right to complain about everything.
Fred: He’s got a point, Karen.
Karen: Don’t call me that slur, it’s offensive!
Fred: But that’s your… whatever.
SpongeBob: Can we please see the note?
Fred: Yeah, sure. [slides the blackmail letter across the table. Sheldon takes it first]
Sheldon: [points to signature] Yup, that’s the victim. An expert confirmed that the note was signed by the victim. That undisputedly shows that Neptune is guilty!
SpongeBob: Hm… [zooms into the “KN” label on the letter] That KN seems off.
Eugene: What do you mean, SpongeBob me boy? KN stands for King Neptune.
SpongeBob: Yes, but that looks painted on. [cuts back to him] The decorative art on the real stationary is stitched on.
Squidward: Pffft, and how would you know that?
SpongeBob: I went to his office to get a weed license. [pulls out a letter] And these do not match up.
[shows that SpongeBob’s note is embroidered while the blackmail note isn’t. The other jurors look in shock]
Sheldon: [gasps] But… but what does that mean?
SpongeBob: Think about it [pulls letter down] The servant had access to all of the king stationary headings he wanted, yet he hand-made a letter on a stationary that he himself decorated? That casts doubt.
[angry murmuring throughout the jury room continues]
Patrick: SpongeBob!... where did you get the weed again?
[cuts to new scene where the jury is recasting votes]
SpongeBob: Alright, how about we recast our votes and this time, I’ll stay out of it. If the verdict remains unanimous, I’ll change my vote and then we can settle this. [all of the jury nods]
Fred: Alright, everyone take a slip of paper and write your vote. [passes slips of paper around as it shows everyone thinking and writing on the paper. SpongeBob is sitting in silence. After a few seconds, all of the papers come back to Fred] Alright… [flips through papers] Guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty with a bunch of mermaid man fighting, guilty, guilty, this one is just a plus sign.
Patrick: Oh, uh… that’s “guilty” in gibberish. [cuts up to Patrick’s head as his thoughts come out loud] Heheh, let’s see how much longer we can do this. [cuts back to Fred counting the votes]
Fred: Guilty, guilty, [stops at the last one] ….not guilty!
SpongeBob: Aha!
[angry murmuring continuing throughout the jury, but then moaning is heard in Bubble Bass’ direction]
Everyone: Bubble Bass!
Bubble Bass: [shows him with a Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy comic and his hand around his crotch] Uh… bad time?
Squilliam: What kind of egotistical, pompous asshole would vote not guilty on this no brainer?!
Squidward: [leans into Squilliam] Maybe it was you, rich boy! [about to punch him until Old Man Jenkins gets up]
Old Man Jenkins: Squilliam didn’t change his vote - I did! [everyone gasps] I respect SpongeBob’s courage. No one is this determined to help out our king. [turns to SpongeBob] Hell, I could use your determination on my farm, ey?
SpongeBob: Not on your life, old man.
Fred: Alright, tempers are on the rise here. We’re at a 10-2 guilty verdict. How about we take a quick bathroom break?
Bubble Bass: Oh hell yeah! Now I can take the almighty jack off and shit combo! [runs away, as it cuts to the rest of the jurors are in the bathroom. SpongeBob is heading to a urinal at Squidward walks in]
Squidward: There he is! [points at SpongeBob] It’s all your fault!
SpongeBob: Hey, I just want to make sure the right decision is made. [Squilliam walks in]
Squilliam: What’s going on here?
SpongeBob: Squidward’s not budging.
Squilliam: Hm, I see. [thinks] Well, just to spite my archrival, I will switching my vote [walks over next to SpongeBob] to not guilty.
Sheldon: Ugh…. unbelievable!
[cuts back to the jury room where the jury is back in session]
Fred: Alright, we’re at 9-3 in favor of guilt. Carry on. [lights a cigarette]
Squidward: Look SpongeBob, even if the blackmail letter is a fraud, his maid witnessed the whole thing! You can’t argue with that.
SpongeBob: Well, I’m concerned about her testimony. She said she was on her period during the whole event. What’s to say she wasn’t experiencing hormonal effects from all the blood?
Sandy: Listen. [turns around] You men think you know everything, don’t you? That’s not how it works.
SpongeBob: If you’re *so* certain, Sandy, then you’d demonstrate what happened.
Sandy: Okay then. The witness said she was experiencing bleeding, tried to go get some maxi pads, but ended up stumbling upon King Neptune. She clearly knew what was happening. [gets up] How about we recreate the scene. Karen, you’ll be the table she was dusting.
[Karen rolls over to a spot on the floor and deconstructs into a table]
Sandy: Poppy, take the place of the made. You’re bending down to dust when you get crotch contractions. [Poppy walks over and shows a painful expression] Bending all the way down, there’s 12 of us, dear. Okay, now-
Narrator: 30 Minutes of Period Recreation Later…
Sandy: Alright, we’re almost settled. So this is the room the maid was in, [walks over to the other side of the room showing the characters in different stances] and this is King Neptune’s bedroom.
Fred: [lodged between Karen and Bubble Bass] The alleged murder took place at 8:30. The maid first started bleeding at 8:28, two minutes before.
SpongeBob: Was she in the guest room or the cellar?
Sandy: The cellar is where King Neptune keeps his BDSM knick-knacks, so definitely there.
SpongeBob: Then… then how could she have gotten all the way to his bedroom in time?
Sandy: [gasps as music plays in the background, she puts her hands on her head in shock] Oh my god… you’re right! [cuts to all of the jurors looking in shock with their mouths open]
SpongeBob: Aha! Checkmate.
[cuts to new scene in the jury room]
Fred: Alright, now the vote is at 6-6 with no consensus. Remember - our verdict has to be unanimous.
Eugene: Well so what if the maid didn’t see the murder? There’s plenty of other evidence that Neptune is guilty.
SpongeBob: How so?
Eugene: Well… [sweating] think about it! His authoritarian type… they’re all guilty.
Patrick: Hey, what are you saying about authors, punk? [SpongeBob slaps him]
Eugene: You know what I mean. Concealing the truth, corrupt… they’re everywhere!
Bubble Bass: What about me, Mr. Krabs? [leans in and lowers glasses] Am *I* alright?
Eugene: Of course you are, Bubble Bass. You’re my best cust- [Patrick looks at him in anger, causing Eugene to hesitate] okay, my second best customer. How could you be like that?
Bubble Bass: [puts on a penguin mask as everyone gasps] Huh. Would you look at that?
Eugene: Oh my god! [shrieks and sobs] What have I become?! My greed is shielding me. [pounds onto table] Not guilty.
Bubble Bass: “Nuff said. [takes off penguin mask] Gah, I could only see a bunch of risque fruit pictures with that.
SpongeBob: Okay, so now the majority of the room believes there is reasonable doubt about King Neptune’s guilt. [applauds]
Patrick: I don’t think King Neptune could’ve done it. He’s clearly guilty! [Squidward whispers to him] Oh, really? OHHHHHH! That makes sense. [turns back] I retract my statement, he’s clearly not guilty.
SpongeBob: Alright, we’re making clear progress.
Patrick: Guys, I feel like all we talk in here is about King Neptune. Why can’t we talk about his hot, sexy daughter Mindy? [meows seductively] I’d let her do anything to me. Even… [gets up and starts doing dance moves like the worm and the Toosie Slide] Oh yeah!!
[everyone looks in disgust and confusion. The scene cuts to everyone resting their head on the table as they're clearly tired]
Fred: We’re now at 11-1, in favor of not guilty. [turns to Sheldon] Sheldon, you’re the only one who thinks- MY LEG!! -that King Neptune is still guilty.
Sheldon: Yeah, and I’m gonna continue to double down! Facts don’t care about all of you bastards’ feelings - he clearly did it! No one else would sneak into his house and kill one of his servants for no personal gain. [laughs] It’s hilarious that none of you agree with me here.
Patrick: You know what I think is hilarious? Your face. [bumps Bubble Bass’ fist] Got ‘em there.
Sheldon: I funded his campaign on the basis that he would lead the takeover of the establishment. I thought he would redistribute wealth, but look at this - all he cares about is his own wealth! [swings his fist] I gave up my left testicle to get him elected-
Karen: Sheldon, honey, you didn’t have any to begin with.
Sheldon: [turns to Karen] Shut up, analog slut! [turns back] He let me down, it only makes sense that he’s let everyone else down by murdering his servant! [starts breaking down crying]
Eugene: He does this all the time, people. He’s probably faking it.
Karen: Yeah.
Sheldon: No, I’m not! [sniffles up and recollects himself] Not guilty.
Fred: Well, that’s it.
SpongeBob: Yup. We’ve reached our verdict.
Patrick: Wait, is today Wednesday?
Squidward: No, why?
Patrick: Oh… my jury duty was 2 years ago. [shows paper to the rest of the group]
[the scene cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick sitting on the couch in SpongeBob’s living room. Both of them have beers and are watching the news]
Johnny Elaine: BREAKING NEWS! King Neptune’s trial ended favorably for the monarch, as he was found not guilty of his murder charges last night.
Patrick: Boooo!!!!!
SpongeBob: Patrick, we were the ones who
voted to acquit him, dumbass.
Patrick: Oh, right.
[shows a press conference outside of King Neptune’s mansion]
King Neptune: Ladies and gentlemen, the truth has set me free. You are standing before an innocent man, thanks to the power of our amazing justice system.
Journalist: But King Neptune sir, don’t you still have to face those sexual assault allegations the letter said?
King Neptune: But didn’t it- excuse me for a moment. [King Neptune goes up to a window in his mansion and smashes through it, beginning to run around the mansion with glass sticking out of himself] AHHHHH!!!!!! THE JUSTICE SYSTEM SUCKS!!!
[cuts back to SpongeBob and Patrick]
SpongeBob: Patrick, it’s excellent that King Neptune is relieved from these pretenses. [turns to him while turning the TV off] But we can’t be so certain yet - there’s still a murdered on the loose, you know.
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: What? What do you mean there were more bodies found last night? Patrick, did you- [shows Patrick aiming a gun at SpongeBob’s face] Uh… Patrick?
Patrick: What? I was just testing out the new scope on this thing.
SpongeBob: Nah, I was just kidding. [the two start laughing until SpongeBob suddenly stops] Or was I? [Patrick shows a deadpan expression]
[episode ends]
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