Keep Your Eye on the Computer/transcript

== Transcript ==
Episode Aired: December 1, 2007
Episode Copyrighted: 2007
This episode is rated TV-Y7.
Episode opens up showing the Roblox HQ. It zooms in on the eye, transitioning to the computer room with a keyboard and a mouse. The back of a chair is shown, on which the printer is sitting.
Printy the Printer: Tray 1, ready. *clicks a mouse* Tray 2, ready. *presses a mouse again* Tray 3.
He looks at the camera.
Printy the Printer: Oh! Hi. Oh, I didn't see you there. *points a finger to the camera* Hey, you know, you're not really allowed in here. Top secret security stuff.
The camera changes view, he turns to look at it.
Printy the Printer: But. If you've ever wondered about what keeps the copier machine running, Roblox's arch-enemy 1x1x1x1, well, then, you're in for a real treat, because it's time for...
The camera cuts to an intro, with low-quality images and photos appearing one after another, appearing the text "Keep Your Eye on the Computer with Printy the Printer!"
Printy the Printer: This is Keep Your Eye on the Computer! I'm Printy, your humble host, and I'd like to welcome you to a very special episode.
He clicks a mouse and the camera cuts to one of the monitors, showing various noobs. We all know that life on Roblox HQ can be tedious at times, one routine work day seamlessly blending into the next. Printy is shown again, turning to the camera once again.
Printy the Printer: But today is going to be different. Today, I'm proud to bring you...
He imitates a drum-roll, then presses another button. All the monitors change to reveal a picture of Roblox with Printy introducing him and an explosion in the background
Printy the Printer: A one-on-one with Roblox! That's right. I put in a formal request to interview our esteemed leader and-
A part of the computer monitor turns red and starts making noises.
Printy the Printer: Oh, my goodness gracious! Maybe that's Roblox now. Okay. *exhales, then clicks a mouse* Hello, you're live on Keep Your Eye On the Computer with Printy. I'm a printer, chief security monitor-
The computer monitor changes to reveal Builderman.
Builderman: *angrily* I know who you are, Printy.
Printy the Printer: *falls off my chair, stands up and sits in it again*
Builderman: This is Builderman. Once again, your request to interview Roblox has been rejected on grounds because that's not your job to make this stupid show!
Printy the Printer: Well, that's not my job, perhaps, but you know, I think it's my duty to help enlighten-
Builderman: Just keep an eye on your computer.
Printy the Printer: *salutes* Yes, Builderman! I'm printing myself! *prints myself, then takes a paper* Always do.
Builderman: No, you don't!!
The computer monitor changes back.
Printy the Printer: Well, slight change of print jobs. Looks like we won't be talking to Roblox. But fret not, dear viewers. I know you're dying to see him, and I won't give up until I give you what you want. In the meantime, I bet you're wonderin'...
The camera cuts to another intro, with more low-quality images and photos appearing one after another, then cuts to the Food Court
Printy the Printer: What's for lunch? *sighs* That's right. It's the 453rd time we find out exactly what noobs are eating for lunch. *turns to one of the noobs walking by with a plate* Excuse me, fellow crew. What refreshing and replenishing meal has been graciously given to you by our generous leader Roblox?
Noob #1: Oh, wow. Uh, hi. Um, apparently, I have never been on live television before, and apparently, I'm having enchiladas. *gets the plate closer to the camera* Apparently.
The enchilada falls off the plate.
Printy the Printer: Fascinating! *walks up to another noob* And what delicious-
Noob #2: *raises my plate* Enchiladas!
All the noobs in the food court gather around Printy and begin cheering.
Noobs: Enchiladas! Enchiladas!! Enchiladas!!!
One of the noobs lifts up his shirt to reveal a tattoo of an enchilada. The camera cuts to Printy standing in the kitchen next to the chef. As the two talk, more and more noobs appear in the background, looking at the camera.
Printy the Printer: Chef, tell us, enchiladas. Was this meal specifically chosen?
Mr. Robot: *takes the microphone* Uh... no. Taco Tuesday was yesterday, so there were leftovers, and I decided to make, uh, enchiladas.
Printy the Printer: *pulls the microphone back* Hmm, interesting. So does Roblox like enchiladas?
Mr. Robot: I don't know. All I know is, I didn't want the stuff to go to waste, so I reused it today.
Printy the Printer: Hm, yes. But Roblox-
Mr. Robot: *takes the microphone again*
Printy the Printer: *tries to pull it back, proceeding to have a tug of war*
He gives up.
Mr. Robot: See, the thing- the thing with ground beef is, you gotta...
The camera cuts to another transition, then to Printy standing in the middle of a gym. The other noobs are shown practicing.
Printy the Printer: Self-defense, where the noobs closest to Roblox, his elite ground troops, learn the fine art of conquering. And if we're lucky, Roblox might make a surprise pop-in to inspect the troops. To be the best takes months of intense training in areas like...
Plankton: I am Plankton, you imbecile!
Printy the Printer: *steps on Plankton*
The camera cuts to a punching bag of Plankton. Multiple noobs attempt to attack it, but none succeed.
Printy the Printer: Advanced Plankton Defense, and, of course, Master Lox Avoidance Tactics.
Roblox: *holds a Master Lox plushie tied to a stick, shaking it*
As he speaks as the other noobs listen.
Roblox: I know he wants to be your friend. I know he wants to play carnival games. I know he knows all your names, and birthdays, and how you like to spend a rainy Sunday with a crossword and a cup of chamomile. *hugs the plushie* I mean, he is really not such a bad guy.
Builderman: *shows up, kicks the trainer, throws the plushie on the ground, stomps on it and shakes it vigorously* No! Master Lox is pure, unadulterated love!
Printy is shown standing next to the same trainer, who readjusts his hat.
Printy the Printer: I'm sure our resident drill instructor has a host of exciting Robloxian stories to share with us.
Roblox: *puts my hands on my hips* You're darn right I do! One time-
Builderman: Printy!
The camera cuts to Builderman running towards it.
Builderman: Why aren't you at your paper?!
Printy the Printer: *starts running away*
As the camera faces down, showing his feet.
Printy the Printer: Uh, gotta go! See you next time!!
Another transition is shown, with the last frame having the text "Roblox watch", which changes to an "R" logo. The camera zooms out, revealing one of the floors part of Roblox HQ.
Printy the Printer: We are live from Floor 24, The computer room. Only Noobs in Roblox's Headquarters are allowed on this level. I hope to speak with someone close to the big man himself. Though it's risky, it's worth it, because this is the story every Noob is waiting for. I wonder who we'll-
He's interrupted as one of the doors in front of him opens and a noob holding a leash is seen dragged all across the place: he disappears into the corridor ahead, as Printy gets up and walks towards the camera.
Printy the Printer: Oh, my gosh. That was a dog with a personal pet. This is a sure-fire exclusive!
Noob's dog: *barks*
Printy the Printer: *runs towards the elevator*
The camera cuts to him, the noob holding the leash and his dog.
Printy the Printer: We're here with noob's personal pet and dog walker. Wow. What I wouldn't give to work so closely with our great leader.
Noob: *gives him the leash* Be my guest!
Printy the Printer: *takes the leash*
Noob: *as jumps out of my dog's way*
The latter proceeds to maul Printy.
Noob's dog: *barks, then starts attacking Printy*
Printy the Printer: *screams* My face!
The camera cuts to yet another transition, after which Printy is shown again, with a cast on his left arm.
Printy the Printer: Welcome again to Keep Your Eye on the Computer. Thanks to some of the guys in the infirmary, I was able to secure an exclusive place at one of Roblox's rallies! Whoo- *kicks my right leg up in the air, then puts it back down* ow, ow!
1x1x1x1 is heard speaking indistinctly on the stage. Printy is shown at the very end of the room, very far from it.
Printy the Printer: *looks to the camera, then to the stage and squints* Fear not, viewers. Though I can barely see or hear our esteemed leader, I assure you, I will get at least some of the Hater coverage you demanded.
1x1x1x1 is heard speaking indistinctly again.
Printy the Printer: It's his arch-enemy 1x1x1x1. Boooooo!! *pauses* And now he's saying he'll conquer 1x1x1x1's heart? That can't be right.
Plankton is shown standing on the stage next to Master Lox, shouting indistinctly.
Printy the Printer: Well, Builderman seems to be getting very upset about this. *pauses, squints again* Master Lox's pulling out what appears to be some kind of... It's the T-shirt cannon!!!
The Henchmens are seen running away with fear. Some of them get hit with a Master Lox T-shirt. One of the noobs runs past Printy, causing the latter to fall over. More noobs are shown trying to escape. One of the T-shirts flies at Printy as he screams in slow-motion. He groans and looks down. The camera zooms out to reveal the shirt as Printy read the text written on it.
Printy the Printer: "I Heart 1x1x1x1"?..
A shadow looms over him as he looks up. It's revealed to be Builderman, looking very upset.
Printy the Printer: Oh boy.
The camera cuts back to the monitor room, with Printy sitting in the same chair as before.
Printy the Printer: Hello, all. After a serious close call with Commander Peepers, your humble host has decided to do the show entirely from the safety of his security office, so he won't... get... fired... But! You won't believe who stopped by for a little chat with us. The one and only Lord Master Lox! *holds up a paper craft version of Lord Master Lox and proceeds to ventriloquize and imitates Master Lox* Hi, Printy. It sure is an honor to be here. Huge fan of the show. *imitates myself* Really? Oh, well, sir, that really means the world to me.
Continues to ventriloquize while the monitors show the real Master Lox looking for something.
Printy the Printer: *imitates Master Lox* And each and every one of you Henchmens mean the world to me, Printy. In fact, I'd like to thank all the Henchmens for their tireless service. They're truly the backbone of Master Lox's Lair, and- *sadly, stops* Oh, who am I kidding? I'm sorry, everyone. *crumples the paper version of Master Lox* I was a fool to think I could give you a good show. I'll never get a Roblox interview.
The camera zooms out to show the door opening.
Roblox: *walks in, appearing intimidating at first* Hey, uh, my printer stopped working.
Printy the Printer: Yep, that's me.
He goes up to Printy.
Roblox: It says I need toner. *points at him* What's inside?
Printy the Printer: *nervously* I, uh... I, uh... *opens my door, then pulls my toner drawer* It's my toner. See. *points to my toner*
Roblox: *notices the camera and walks up to it* You do work here?
Printy the Printer: *pushes back in, then closes my door and stammers* Uh, yes, Roblox. Unless... that would get me in trouble... in which case... no.
Roblox: *gets close to the camera* How many people watch your show? *turns to look at Printy*
Printy the Printer: Oh, it goes out all over.
Roblox: *looks back at the camera* All over, huh?
The camera cuts to Printy sitting on a chair behind a table in a yellow room.
Printy the Printer: Dear viewers, it is with the deepest pride that I present to you the man, the myth, the leader I'm honored to serve.
The camera zooms out to reveal Roblox.
Printy the Printer: Roblox, how are you?
Roblox: I'm Good. Let's watch Lord Hater is doing.
Lord Hater: *jumps on the table, knocking both chairs over* Listen up, and listen good! All you poser villains out there better recognize who the G-est in the G is! It's Lord Hater, number one superstar! You want a piece of me, Emperor Dork-some? Got beef, Sandwich?
Printy the Printer: *walks up to Roblox nervously*
He is glancing at him and at the camera.
Lord Hater: Then bring it on, losers! I will lightning you so hard- that you'll be all, like- like- like "Oh, no, I don't like it! Help me!"
Printy the Printer: *simultaneously with Roblox* Oh, uh, Roblox... I- just- excuse me...
Roblox: *stops, then looks at him* How dare you?!
Printy the Printer: I'm sorry, Roblox. It's just that, you see, when I said the show went out all over, I meant all over your HQ. *laughs nervously*
Roblox: *surprised* Wait. So who actually watches this?
Printy the Printer: Well, I don't have the exact figures handy... it certainly has the potential to be viewed by, you know, anyone on the ship, so mostly noobs, I think.
Screen cuts to Roblox HQ exterior.
Roblox: *opens the door* Master Lox, it's you! Welcome to my HQ!
Lord Master Lox: Hello. I'm… from my lair, investigating my laboratory. If you don't mind, I'd like to take a few readings inside your HQ?
Roblox: No kidding! You're from your lair? You must know my buddy Spencer. We play softball together.
Lord Master Lox: Ah, Printy. He's a good show.
Roblox: Yeah. Come on in!
Lord Master Lox: Great. *enters Roblox HQ*
Roblox: Take all your powers you need. Except, *bars the doorway to block Robotnik from entering* doesn't your Lair usually join their crew? That way they can check on you even if you're not home.
Lord Master Lox: I'm sorry, Roblox...
Roblox: But everyone just calls me Roblox. Printy is a great show. He's a superstar.
Lord Master Lox: Well, you may have noticed that this entire city.
Roblox: Listen, Master–
Lord Master Lox: It's Master Lox to you, Roblox.
Roblox: Look, uh, Master Loz. Um, I'm sure what you're here for is very serious, but it's got nothing to do with me. You can ask anyone in the city. Everyone knows me.
Lord Master Lox: Yeah, noobs. I bet they do.
Roblox: I was doing my job, actually.
Lord Master Lox: Your job?
Roblox: Yeah, who isn't–
Dr. Robotnik: Well, I'm the one who catches you, it'll be even worse.
Roblox: Worse than death?
Lord Master Lox: Okay. *walks*
Screen cuts to the noobs.
Lord Master Lox: Roblox crew?! You make a show for noobs?! That's the stupidest, lamest thing ever! I mean, really?! This show is stupid! You're stupid! You should both be canceled. Master Lox out!
Lightning flashes.
Lord Master Lox: *disappears*
Printy the Printer: *looks at the camera sadly*
Lightning flashes again.
Lord Master Lox: *reappears, flips over a table and disappears again*
Printy the Printer: *looks at the camera sadly again*
Camera cuts off.
Printy the Printer: Tray 1, ready. *clicks a mouse* Tray 2, ready. *presses a mouse again* Tray 3, ready.
The computer monitor changes to reveal Builderman once more.
Printy the Printer: *falls off my chair again, stands up and sits in it again* Builderman, I promise I stopped doing my stupid show. Nothing is going on.
Builderman: I know, that's the problem!
The camera cuts to various watchdogs standing in front of Hater, holding signs saying "Eye am mad!", "Printy Fan", "Printy! Printy!" and "Not fair". Among the regular noobs, the trainer, the chef and the noon who takes his dog for walks are shown.
Noobs: *chants repeatedly* Printy fan, best show!
The camera cuts to Builderman again.
Builderman: The Noobs are rioting! Apparently, they wanna watch your weird little show about them. They claim your interviews made them feel special. Blergh!
Printy the Printer: *surprised* Wow... you mean... I didn't need a Roblox interview? I was making the show the Noobs wanted all along? A show that made them feel special? Wow. I mean... that that makes me feel special.
Builderman: Yeah, yeah, just make your stupid show.
Noobs: Enchiladas! Enchiladas!!!
Multiple noobs surround Builderman, who crosses his arms in annoyance. Just like before, one of the watchdogs lifts up his shirt to reveal a tattoo of an enchilada. The computer monitor changes back. The camera zooms in on Printy's chair. He turns around happily. Another intro plays. Printy is then shown in a tailor's room with noobs.
Noobs: Hey, it's Mr. B00mb0z!
Mr. B00mb0z: *dances*
Printy the Printer: Welcome to Keep Your Eye on the Computer, the only show for noobs, about noobs, by a noob, for noobs. I am your humble host, Printy the Printer, and today, I am here with Mr. B00mb0z, the boombox. So, what's your secret?
Mr. B00mb0z: You see, some noobs have the very big heads, and the very skinny torsos. So it's all about the stretchy shirts. Then it's about the beanies and the booties and the glovies.
The camera cuts to Roblox and Builderman watching Printy's show.
Mr. B00mb0z: If the noobs don't look good, the nurse will take care of them. That's what all you've been waiting for. Let's party.
Noobs: *dances*
Printy the Printer: Fascinating. *leaves*
Lord Master Lox: Uugh! Why would anyone watch this? Am I right? *leaves*
Roblox: Well, he's gone I guess.
Builderman: I don't know, Roblox. I just don't know.
Monity the Monitor and Computer the Computer Tower: *walks in*
Monity the Monitor: Where's Printy?
Computer the Computer Tower: He's not coming, Monity.
Monity the Monitor: I don't know we can do this without Printy.
Printy the Printer: *offscreen* I'm here. *walks to Monity and Computer*
Monity the Monitor: Printy, you're back!
Printy the Printer: Sorry, I'm late.
Computer the Computer Tower: How's Roblox's HQ?
Printy the Printer: *shrugs* Sure, it's fine. Everything's fine.
Monity the Monitor: Guys, let's go have some ice cream!
Monity the Monitor, Computer the Computer Tower and Printy the Printer: *cheers* Yay! *walks to ice place*
Printy the Printer: I love ice cream!
Computer the Computer Tower: Me too, Printy! Me too!
Screen fades in black and it says "THE END". Episode ends.
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