Crabby Road

The fifteenth chapter of Total Drama: Tiki Jungle, posted on April 29, 2011.
==Story==
"Last time on Total Drama: Tiki Jungle, we had a canoe-racing contest. Chrissy won the challenge, and Gary, our favorite little nerd, was eliminated for coming in last. What surprises will today hold? Find out now!" says Chris.
Arthur and Nic are sleeping in the boys cabin.
"Time for breakfast. I think it's chicken nuggets today." says a half-asleep Arthur.
"You know, I don't get why they just started to serve us breakfast." groans Nic.
"I brought my own food today, though. It was sittin' in my backpack for about five months." says Arthur.
"I wanna date Chrissy." says Nic.
"Well, that doesn't make any sense." says Arthur. "Try to find someone more your speed. Maybe Helga, or something."
"Eeugh, no." says Nic. "Chrissy has a nice butt."
"Have to agree with you there." says Arthur.
"Let's go." says Nic, walking to the mess hall.
"Wait for meee!" shouts Arthur, and gallops with him.
Chrissy and Julia are already there. Chrissy is poking at her chicken nuggets, and Julia is complaining.
"So, we're all noobs in th' final four?" asks Julia.
"Looks like it, yup." says Chrissy, who nudges a nugget and groans.
"Hey, ladieeeeeeees." says Nic, attempting to be seductive.
"Yo." says Chrissy.
"There she is." whispers Nic. "Should I go for it?"
"Sure, but I already know what she's gonna say..." giggles Arthur.
"Shut up." snaps Nic. "Now, what should I say to her?"
"One second, gotta microwave my Warm Pocket." says Arthur.
"Eww, those things are gross." says Julia, who overhears their conversation. "They always explode when I microwave 'em."
"Well, you are only supposed to microwave them for fifty-seven seconds." says Arthur.
"You would memorize that." scoffs Julia.
Arthur's Warm Pocket is done heating up. Arthur takes it out, and punches it, making it explode.
"Yuck." says Julia, covered in remnants of a Warm Pocket.
"I love doing that." says Arthur.
Arthur, Nic, and Julia sit down.
"I'm nervous, dude." says Nic. "Abby is too. Look, she's trembling."
"One, I don't want to look. And two, no big deal. Just put on your cool face." says Arthur.
"Cool face?" asks Nic.
"Cool face." says Arthur. "Like this." He twists his face into a grimace.
"All right, let me try that." says Nic. He twists his face up as well.
"You got it." says Arthur.
"Hey, Chrissy." he says, strutting over to her table. "Check out my cool face."
Chrissy bursts out laughing.
"Problem?" asks Nic, still in his cool face.
"Yeah, you look like a creep." says Chrissy. "Pardon me, I'm talking to Julia."
Nic walks away. "I am officially done with Chrissy. My days are almost over, so time to up my Al standards a lot."
"Whatever." says Arthur, poking at his plate with a knife and fork.
"Whatcha doin'?" asks Nic.
"It's 'Indestruct-o-plate'. I'm trying to break it." says Arthur.
"Good luck." says Nic.
Chris walks in rudely.
"Yo, yo, what's up?" he asks. "Ready fo' th' challenges, boiiiis?"
"Who are you, Devin?" asks Chrissy.
"Ya, dawg. Anyways, today's challenge is one of the most memorable ones from Total Drama Action." says Chris.
"TDA?" asks Julia skeptically.
"God, TDA sucked. It had no good characters, and the good characters in it got eliminated too early. Plus, like every other challenge was a reward, and the winner was the crappiest character ever, aka Duncan. You see, Beth actually deserved to win so she could get more character, but crappy old stubby legs won instead. And worst of all, Owen got a broken jaw. I mean, the most epic morbidly obese character ever with a broken jaw? And then he gets eliminated, comes back, and Chris ruins him. The worst elimination was when--" rants Arthur.
"We get it." says Chris.
"So what's th' challenge?" shouts Julia.
"The animal buddy challenge!" says Chris happily.
"Well, that one I actually remember." says Arthur. "Where's our animals?"
"Here's Nic's animal." says Chris.
A snake crawls out of Chris' pocket and onto Nic.
"Hey, snakey. Alejandro was sneaky like a snake. Epical." says Nic. "Can I name him?"
"Sure." says Chris.
"Abby Jr Jr." says Nic.
"Works for me." says Chris. "Here's Chrissy's animal."
Chef walks in carrying a koala.
"Ugh, seriously? I hate cute things." groans Chrissy.
"This guys isn't cute, he's ferocious. He killed an intern." says Chef.
"I hope you're joking." says Chrissy nervously.
"Ha, ha, I'm not jokin'." says Chef.
"Okay then." says Chrissy. The koala crawls onto her shoulder.
"Here's your animal, Julia. But I must warn you, he's a little bit-- crabby." says Chris, then begins to laugh obnoxiously.
A crab crawls into the room, and gnashes its pincers.
"Oh, I get it..." says Julia.
"That's not really funny." says Arthur.
"All right, Arthur, wait until you see your aminal." says Chris.
"Aminal?" asks Arthur.
"Yup, I said it." Chris pushes a button.
An elephant falls from the ceiling, and makes a large trumpeting sound.
"That's my animal?" asks Arthur.
"Yup." says Chris.
"It's morbidly obeeeese. Good." says Arthur.
"All right, twenty minutes to train, then present your aminals." says Chris.
"You said it again..." says Arthur.
"I know." grins Chris.
Arthur leads his elephant outside.
"All right, first of all, you have to learn how to make a more intimidating sound." says Arthur.
The elephant quietly trumpets.
"That won't cut it. Do it like this." Arthur makes a loud noise.
The elephant imitates Arthur's noise.
"Better." says Arthur.
The elephant picks up Arthur with its trunk, then gives him a wedgie.
"Ow..." says Arthur, hanging by his pants on the elephant's tusk. His pants rip off, though, and he is not wearing underwear.
"EUCK!" screams Nic, who is nearby.
"I decided to go 'commando'." says Arthur. "A true test of endurance."
"Oh lawd, dat's nasty." says Nic.
Chrissy and Julia are letting their animals play together.
"Hey, I don't think my koala is very interesting." says Chrissy.
"I agree." says Julia.
The koala is asleep.
"Ugh, wanna trade animals?" asks Chrissy.
"Nah." says Julia. "I wanna win this challenge."
Chrissy is poking her koala. "Get up, you bum."
The koala growls, then goes back to sleep.
"You see, this is why I hate cute things." says Chrissy angrily.
"I feel your pain, sista. I feel your pain." says Julia.
"Hey guys, anyone seen my snake?" asks Nic, who approaches them.
"Nope." says Chrissy.
"I see it." giggles Julia.
The snake is hanging out of Nic's undergarments.
"DANG IT!" screams Nic.
"Wow, that makes you look even more disturbing." says Chrissy.
Chris walks over to the contestants.
"All right, time to..." He glances at a naked Arthur. "What happened here?"
"Demonic elephant..." says Arthur, out of breath.
"Follow me." says Chris.
The contestants follow Chris to the amphitheater.
"All right, Nic, you're up first." says Chris.
Nic walks up to stage.
"All right everyone, today me and Abby Jr Jr. are going to perform some tricks. SIT." commands Nic.
The snake crawls about.
"He's a snake, he can't sit." shouts Julia from the audience.
"Roll over." says Nic.
The snake just stands there.
"Ugh, whatever." says Nic. "Make like Alejandro. Show off your buff."
The snake hisses at Nic.
"I don't think this little guy likes me." says Nic.
"No kidding." says Chris. "Time for Julia to perform."
"How'd I do?" asks Nic.
"Mediocre." says Chris.
Julia comes up to the stage with her crab.
"Dance and sway, hey hey hey." raps Julia.
The crab sways around.
"Circle around, don't make a sound." raps Julia.
The crab crawls around in circles.
"Now move and spin. We gotta win." raps Julia.
The crab spins around.
"Word." finishes Julia.
Everyone cheers.
"All right, next is Chrissy." says Chris.
Chrissy comes up to the stage.
"Dumb koala." she says, kicking it.
The koala suddenly wakes up, and begins to breakdance. It does three flips in the air, then butt-scoots away.
"Wow." says Chrissy, then she leaves the stage.
"Arthur, you're last." says Chris.
Arthur comes up to the stage.
"Where's th' elephant?" asks Julia.
"It ran off into the jungle." says Arthur disappointedly.
"Well, Arthur doesn't win the challenge, that's for sure." says Chris. "But Julia did."
Julia cheers, and high-fives Chrissy.
"The rest of you, I'll see ya at elimination." says Chris.
Nic says in the confessional, "I've been formulating some evil plans tonight. Me and Art vote out Chrissy, then I get a kiss from her right as she is about to leave. This is all because of Abby. I love you so, Abby. Oh yeah, time to work on my Alejandro impression." He changes his voice. "Mi amor..."
"All right, guys, Julia and Arthur are both safe." says Chris at the elimination ceremony.
Julia and Arthur get their marshmallows.
"Chrissy or Nic, the final marshmallow goes to..."
"Chrissy."
"Aw, yah." says Chrissy, and gets her marshmallow.
"What the crap, guys?" screams an outraged Nic. "Me and Abby totally deserved to win. Who the nuts voted me off?"
"We did." says Chrissy and Julia.
"Chrissy, you betrayed me..." says Nic angrily.
"I never liked you." says Chrissy.
"But one quick kiss?" asks Nic.
"Whatever, if this stops you from being stalkerish."
Chrissy kisses Nic on the cheek for about a second.
"Hubba hubba..." says Nic. He faints onto the Raft of Losers, and floats away.
"Wow, I thought that kid was gonna win." says Arthur. "Well, time to move my crap into your cabin."
"Uh-oh." says Julia.