B90210-22

==Battletech 90210 - Chapter 22 -==
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===Episode 22===
(Scene opens in the Steiner-Davion throne room)
Kathy: Damn it, runt! Put your uniform on. Mom's new boyfriend is coming over.
Vic: This just doesn't feel right. Dad's body is still on tour.
Peter: Dad's body has been on tour for the last two years...how did they do it?
Kathy: That's because they replaced the normal embalming fluid with twenty gallons of I can't believe it's not Marik!
Aaron: (faced wrapped up) CUT!
Vic: Jesus wept woman! What are you trying to do?! Dad's in a box, Mom's dating again, and you're selling butter?
Kathy: It's not butter. It's processed vegetable spread.
Peter: (shakes his head) Not even close! (points to Arthur) Now that's a processed vegetable.
Melissa: PETER!
Peter: Yeah, yeah, back to the monastery.
Vic: Kathy...
Kathy: It's Katrina, Victor.
Vic: Whatever, you just told billions of citizens in the Federated Commonwealth that the former First Prince has been stuffed with margarine! That is revolting! What in god's name were you thinking?!
Kathy: It's processed vegetable spread, not margarine.
Aaron: That's it! CUT! I am writing Hanse back in the script as of NOW....we're just going to say the clone died!
Melissa: But if it was the clone that died, who was I sleeping with all those years?
Peter: (To Vic) I told you Arthur looked like the mailman.
Melissa/Aaron: PETER!
Vic: Betcha this crap doesn't go on in the Free Worlds League.
((CUT TO MARIK PALACE))
Thomas: I have a stable government, secure contracts with practically every house, and a new family who adores me! What else do I possibly need?
Isis: Dad?
Thomas: Yes?
Isis: Precentor Blaine wanted to see you in the main hall...
Thomas: Good. Tell William I will be there right away...
(Thomas walks to the main hall where music is playing
**Sung to addicted to love**
YOU MIGHT THINK THAT RELIGION's ENOUGH, OH YEAH.
CLOSER TO THE TRUTH, IT's JUST TO HARD TO TAKE,
WHY DON'T YOU WOBBIES FACE IT, YOU'RE ADDICTED TO BLAKE!
Thomas: (looks in to see Precentor Blaine singing and half a dozen Thomas Marik clones playing the instruments) WILLIAM!
(Music stops)
Will: Peace of Blake to you...
Thomas: Enough! I thought we weren't supposed to have the rest of them out of the lab?
Will: Who would ever think to use a Marik clone?
Thomas: Just keep it down will ya?
(Thomas storms out, heads to his private suite)
**SUNG TO NICKELBACK-"How you remind me"**
Thomas: (sighs)
NEVER MADE IT AS A HOUSE LORD
COULDN'T CUT IT AS A COMSTAR ADEPT
HERE ON ATREUS I'M REAL BORED
WITH THE WOBBIES MAKING ME FEEL REAL SPENT
AND THIS IS HOW YOU REMIND ME, THAT I'M ONLY A CLONE
THIS IS HOW YOU REMIND ME......
THIS IS HOW YOU REMIND ME I'M ONLY A CLONE,
THIS IS HOW YOU REMIND ME I'M ONLY A CLONE
(CHORUS)
DON'T TELL ME, I'M NOT TOMMY!
TAKING TOO MUCH FOR BEING A WOBBIE!
NO TIME FOR DECISIONS
SAVE TO BUY OURSELVES A NEW DIVISION
CAN'T GET REAL FAR, WITH COMSTAR!
AS LONG AS OLD FOCHT IS RUNNING THE SHOW
SO I PONDER AND FRET
CAN I BE MY OLD SELF YET?
THEY ALL SAY THAT I'M RIGHTEOUS
BEEN ACCUSED OF BEING IDEALISTIC
WONDER WHAT THEY'D ALL THINK,
IF THEY KNEW ABOUT MYNDO'S CHEAP TRICK!
AND THIS IS HOW YOU REMIND ME THAT I'M ONLY A CLONE
THIS IS HOW YOU REMIND ME THAT I'M ONLY A CLONE
(CHORUS)
NEVER MADE IT AS A 'MECHJOCK.
WASN'T ANY GOOD WITH MY SIBLINGS
THIS IS HOW...
THIS IS HOW...
(CHORUS)
Will: Thomas?
Thomas: Yes, Precentor?
Will: Can you come to the main hall?
Thomas:(sighs) Sure.
(When Thomas arrives, the clones are in moulin rouge attire, doing the can-can on the stage)
Will: What do you think?
Thomas: (buries his head in his hands) Bet this kind of crap doesn't go on in the Federated Commonwealth.
(Meanwhile back at the Davion palace)
Aaron: Action!
Vic: Mum, Omi and I are in love. We're going to get married!
Melissa: What would your father think?
Peter: What kind of dishes would go great with the reception?
Melissa: Peter!
Peter: Sorry, couldn't resist. I'm going to get more batteries for my tazer, anybody need something?
Melissa: Aspirin.
Victor: Beer.
Kathy: Power.
Arthur: Got any mescaline? Cause this one time at Wobbies school...
Peter: ANY-who....got to go.
Yvonne: Bet this kind of crap doesn't go on in the Draconis Combine.
(After taping)
Aaron: We need some more lustful episodes...Melissa?
Melissa: Yes, Aaron?
Aaron: Can you make out with Misha next episode?
Melissa: Certainly not!
Peter: Dude, that's our mother your talking about!
Aaron: But she scores so high in the MILF category
(Victor tosses Aaron a grease pen as Peter hits Aaron with his chair)
Victor/Peter: Trial of Grievance!
(Vlad starts laughing)
Vlad: 'Bout damn time someone ended up in traction around here!
Vic: Tiaret?
(Tiaret walks in, grabs the limp form of Aaron, and proceeds to club Vlad with him)
Melissa: Oh dear, did Tiaret just kill Aaron?
Vic: God I hope not!
Kathy: Who will run the show while Aaron's in traction. Who has that kind of power?
Tori Spelling: (wearing a Star League fatigue cap, and holding an ancient director's megaphone) Did someone say power?
(Cast groans, Kathy mumbles something about a gardener)
Peter: Betcha this crap doesn't go on at the SAVED BY THE CLANS set!
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