Black Lemonade/transcript

Next Episode: Mustard O' Mine (Rewrite)
== Transcript ==
Episode Aired: May 12, 2018
Episode Copyrighted: 2018
This episode is rated TV-Y7.
The episode begins with Ashley at the lemonade stand saying "LEMONADE" in Comic Sans MS.
Ashley Roberts: Lemonade! Lemonade for sale!
Squidward Tentacles: *comes out carrying a bag of trash and goes to put it near the curb*
Ashley Roberts: *waves at Squidward in a goofy fashion*
Squidward Tentacles: Yuck.
Ashley Roberts: *points on the pitcher*
Squidward Tentacles: *growls angrily*
Patrick Star: *drinks the water and eats the glass*
Squidward Tentacles: *groans* What are you two doing out here in the daylight? You should be hidden under your rock like the hideous freak you are. *to Patrick* Do you even have a license to sell... *notices the glasses of water* just what are you selling?
Patrick Star: *yells through megaphone* Lemonade!
Squidward Tentacles: *pulls my nose and eyes back out from my head* Thanks for reminding me why I hate you. Lemonade? I don't see any lemons.
Patrick Star: *silents* Do I need lemons?
Squidward Tentacles: *takes out a rotten lemon and throws it in Patrick's eye* Here. Don't say I never gave you anything.
Patrick's eye burns.
Squidward Tentacles: Sorry it's a little bruised. *laughs*
Patrick Star: *lifts up my left arm, pulls out a bandage from his armpit and puts it on the rotten lemon* All better. *puts the rotten lemon in the pitcher full of water*
Squidward Tentacles: Yuck.
The scene changes to Squidward shaving the hair out of his nostrils with the razor. Ashley is still sitting outside at her lemonade stand with the rotten lemon in the pitcher.
Patrick Star: *yells through two megaphones* Lemonade!
Patrick's loud outburst startles Squidward. The razor buzzes around in his nostrils.
Squidward Tentacles: *screams in all directions of my bathroom*
The plug comes out.
Squidward Tentacles: *falls on the floor*
Outside, Cara drinks the pitcher of Ashley's lemonade stand saying "LEMONADE" in Comic Sans MS.
Cara the Fish: *after drinking the pitcher* Ahh! Thanks, girl. I was thirsty. *gags and sticks my tongue out with the bandage on it*
Ashley Roberts: Oh! *removes the bandage from Cara's tongue*
Cara the Fish: Huh?
Ashley Roberts: *gives the bandage to Patrick*
Patrick Star: *puts the bandage back on my armpit*
Ashley Roberts: Sorry, that's not included.
Cara the Fish: *gags* I'm gonna be sick! Where can I go? *covers my mouth*
Patrick Star: I always go in there.
Cara the Fish: *runs up to the front door, opens it and throws up inside Squidward's house, then closes the door and leaves*
Squidward comes out, slipping onto the path of his front door. He growls angrily and stomps over to Patrick and Ashley. Patrick is holding a firetruck toy.
Squidward Tentacles: What are you two doing?
Ashley Roberts: Sorry, Squidward we're out of lemonade.
Patrick Star: Oh, I'm squeezing this.
Squidward Tentacles: That won't work!
Patrick Star: *squeezes the red paint out from the firetruck toy*
Squidward Tentacles: Hmm? Wha...
Patrick Star: It could use more fire hose.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *sneaks up behind Squidward and yells through megaphone* One fire truck lemonade!
Lincoln Loud: Did somebody say lemonade?
Squidward Tentacles: *screams and sprays ink out from my nose into the pitcher making black lemonade, then panics and rushes into my house*
SpongeBob pulls the megaphone off his face and Patrick gives him a cup of Squidward's ink.
Ashley Roberts: Here you go.
Lincoln Loud: Yum! *drinks black lemonade*
He gasps and shrieks while distorting his face. He stops and stares in silence for a bit and Lincoln's mouth, tongue, and teeth are all black.
Lincoln Loud: That's delicious!
Lady: Hello! What are you selling?
Patrick Star: *yells through megaphone* Lemonade!
SpongeBob SquarePants: *yells through megaphone* Black lemonade!
Patrick Star: *gives the lady a glass of black lemonade*
She drinks it and, just like what happened to Lincoln, she gasps and shrieks. She goes up and goes back down. She shrinks and disappears. She reappears blowing fire out from her mouth. She stops and exhales deeply until she calms down.
Lady: *yells through megaphone* Black lemonade! A unique taste sensation! I'll have another. *slurps*
Patrick Star: *goes to give some more to the lady, but the pitcher is empty* Huh? Lincoln, cover for me while Ashley goes get some more.
Lincoln Loud: Sure, Pat.
Slide transition cuts to the Loud House, Lola is in her room dusting all of her trophies and tiaras.
Lola Loud: Must make sure they are perfect all the time.
Lana, who was all dirty, ran into the room with her pets chasing her.
Lana Loud: *laughs* You guys aren't gonna get me!
Lola Loud: *groans* Lana!! Stop making a mess! I just dusted in here!
Lana's pets leap onto her as she falls backwards, splattering mud onto Lola's only tiara.
Lola Loud: *screams* MY TIARA!! *panics* You made it all dirty!!
Lana Loud: Relax Lola, I'm sure you can wash it off.
Lola Loud: *gets angry* IT IS NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE MUDDY! *tries wiping my tiara* The mud won't come off!
Lana Loud: *shrugs* Sorry sis.
Lola Loud: *gets angry* YOU WILL PAY, LANA! *storms downstairs and turns the TV on, then gets annoyed* Maybe some TV will cheer me up...
An advertisement came on the TV showing a store manager.
Store Manager: Hey girls out there, just got your tiaras ruined?
Lola Loud: *mumbles* Yeah...
Store Manager: Well, come and purchase this limited edition golden tiara!
Lola Loud: *sparkles eyes* Golden tiara?!
Store Manager: Only five hundred dollars!
Lola Loud: *shocked* Five hundred! But I don't have enough money! How am I supposed to get it?!
Larry the Lobster: *walks in and drinks black lemonade* Ahh, my mouth, tongue and teeth are all black and that's some good black lemonade. Sure to fill me up. *walks away*
Lola Loud: *gasps* That's it! I know exactly what to do! *puts some of my old stuff on the front of a secondhand store* I would like to sell some of my old toys!
Manager: Are they good enough?
Lola Loud: Of course they are! Look at this cute doll!
The doll's head suddenly flies off.
Manager: Sorry kid, we're not taking these.
Lola Loud: Then how am I supposed to make money?!
Manager: I dunno, why don't you open up a lemonade stand or something?
Lola Loud: Black lemonade? *thinks* That could work! *returns home and goes to the fridge, only to find no more lemonade, groans* We don't have anymore lemonade!
Yellow Rectangle: *walks into the kitchen* Hey Lola, what's wrong?
Lola Loud: I want black lemonade, but we don't have any lemonade left!
Yellow Rectangle: Well you know what they say, when life Ashley has lemons to make lemonade!
Lola Loud: I don't get it.
Yellow Rectangle: *sighs in annoyance* I'm telling you Squidward makes black lemonade with ink!
Lola Loud: Oh! Thanks Yellow! *runs off*
Yellow Rectangle: Kids these days. *walks away*
Red Rectangle: Woo! Lemonade! *drinks lemonade*
Back outside, Ashley is holding her own lemonade stand.
Ashley Roberts: Lemonade! Come get my special lemonade! Only fifty cents!
Patrick Star: *yells through megaphone* Lemonade!
Leni Loud: OMGosh! Lemonade! *gives Ashley fifty cents*
Ashley Roberts: Here you go!
Leni Loud: Thanks! *drinks lemonade*
Squidward is holding his own lemonade stand.
Lola Loud: *goes to Squidward's lemonade stand*
Pearl Krabs: *comes outside and notices Lola* Hi Lola! What are you selling?
Lola Loud: I'm selling lemonade! Would you like some?
Pearl Krabs: *notices the black lemonade* You mean that black stuff? Eww! No way! Do you even know where that's meant to go?!
Lola Loud: *facepalms* Nevermind...
Pearl Krabs: *shrugs and walks away*
Soon, two boys came up to the lemonade stand.
Human Boy Teen #1: Oooh, lemonade?
Human Boy Teen #2: We are so thirsty right now.
Ashley Roberts: Sure! Only fifty cents!
The two boys give Ashley some coins, and walk away with two cups of lemonade.
Ashley Roberts: *smiles* Fifty cents!
Patrick Star: Ashley, I want to go to Squidward's house to get some black lemonade.
Ashley Roberts: *excited* Oh, goody!
Patrick Star: *runs away*
The slide transition cuts to Squidward's front door.
Patrick Star: *grabs the pitcher, goes to the front door of Squidward's house and knocks on it*
Squidward Tentacles: *answers it with his nose clogged up with tissues* What do you want?
Patrick Star: Hi! Uh, yeah, I want you to do that scary thing you did and make more ink.
Squidward Tentacles: I will not! *slams the door*
Patrick Star: Huh? *groans*
As he thinks. Inside his body, a smaller version of himself goes up to his brain and rings the bell, giving him an idea.
Patrick Star: I'll just have to scare the ink out of him! *rips my skin to show his jaw, trachea, heart, lungs, and intestines and knocks on the door*
Squidward Tentacles: *answers the door* I said I will not— *gasps*
Patrick's Intestine: May I borrow a cup of squid squeezings?
Patrick's appearance scares Squidward out of his wits. As he screams, he sprays more ink from his nose and into the pitcher until it is full.
Patrick Star: *laughs* Thank you! *runs back to the lemonade stand and gives Ashley the pitcher of Squidward's ink*
Lincoln Loud: Ooh, I think you'd better get some more black lemonade, buddy. *gives Patrick two empty pitchers*
Patrick Star: Huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, more.
The slide transition cuts to Patrick at Squidward's front door.
Patrick Star: Here, kitty kitty. Oh, here, kitty kitty. Oh, who's a good kitty?
Giant Red Spider: *comes crawling by*
Patrick Star: *opens the door and makes it wide enough for the spider to enter*
Squidward is sitting on the couch listening to music on the phonograph. He goes to put another record on the phonograph. While doing so, the spider takes the record and Squidward puts its claw on the other record. The spider's claw makes the record sound terrible.
Squidward Tentacles: Huh? Hmm? *looks up and sees the giant spider and screams* I hate spiders! *sprays ink out of my nose again*
The ink sprays into Patrick's pitchers until they're full.
Squidward Tentacles: *climbs up the wall and crawls through the hole on the ceiling*
He sprays more ink out from his nose and fills two more of Patrick's pitchers.
Patrick Star: *on the spider's head; clicks my tongue* Hyah!
Squidward Tentacles: *cowers behind a chair and whimpers*
Patrick Star: *slides off the spider's back* Boo.
Squidward Tentacles: *screams and sprays more ink out from my nose, filling two more of Patrick's pitchers, then hides on top of his kitchen cabinets*
Giant Red Spider: *looms in on Squidward and makes him spray more ink, filling up two more of Patrick's pitchers*
Patrick Star: Thank you!
Squidward Tentacles: Please! No!
Patrick Star: *closes the door and goes to the lemonade stand*
He gives the pitchers to Ashley.
Patrick Star: Oh? *sees a long line of customers* Oh... What? I got to get more black lemonade!
The slide transition cuts back inside Squidward's house. The kitchen is a complete mess from all of the ink.
Squidward Tentacles: *comes out from the sink drain and looks around*
He hears a sound and hides again. This time, he comes out from the bottom cabinets.
Squidward Tentacles: Is it gone? *hears a clanging sound* What was that? Is someone there? *grabs a pan* Hello? Who is it? *hears the doorbell ring and hides under the rug, then peeks out from under the rug*
Patrick Star: *continues to ring the bell*
Squidward Tentacles: *tiptoes to the door and slowly answers the door* Hello?
The door slams itself shut, leaving Squidward locked outside.
Squidward Tentacles: *tries to open it to go back in, but it wouldn't budge*
The lights turn on.
Squidward Tentacles: *turns around and finds myself in a haunted themed area made by Patrick myself, then whimpers* I've lost it. I can't tell what's real anymore!
Patrick Star: *scares Squidward with a toy worm and a toy snail under my feet*
The toy snail makes Squidward flip over and fall on the ground.
Patrick Star: Boo! I'm a haunted... *swings over Squidward with a tablecloth over my body* tablecloth!
Squidward Tentacles: *screams and sprays more ink out from my nose*
The ink fills several cups, pitchers, bowls, and pails laid out by Patrick.
Patrick Star: *swings myself into a wall and laughs*
Squidward Tentacles: *runs up the stairs while spraying ink in more cups and bowls laid out by Patrick*
He runs into a spooky baby's room with creepy music playing in the background.
Squidward Tentacles: Not creepy nursery rhyme music! *hears a creaking sound in the crib behind me*
He looks in the crib and sees Patrick wearing a creepy baby costume while having a nose similar to Squidward's.
Patrick Star: Dada!
Squidward Tentacles: *screams and sprays more ink out from my nose into the crib, then runs out through the window*
Patrick Star: *puts the sucker back on the baby bottle filled with ink* Thank you, Daddy!
Squidward Tentacles: *falls to the ground and sees a spooky but crudely version of the Krusty Krab in front of me* The Krusty Krab? How did I wind up here? I don't think I want to go in.
A newspaper falls on him; he gasps as he reads it.
Squidward Tentacles: This newspaper is dated 60 years into the future.
The conveyor belt underneath him moves and it takes him inside.
Squidward Tentacles: *covers my eyes* I can't look! I'm afraid to see. Please, no. *looks up and sees a puppet version of my old futuristic self in my workstation*
Puppet Squidward: May I help you, young man?
Squidward's nose becomes a faucet and he screams the ink out of himself. Patrick, who is operating the old Squidward puppet, watches down happily. Squidward has had enough of the haunted area and goes to run away. He runs out of the haunted area and bumps into Don the Whale at the lemonade stand.
Yellow Rectangle: Squidward, if you want to buy some black lemonade, you'll have to get in the back of the line.
Patrick Star: *comes out with a boat load of Squidward's ink*
Ashley Roberts: Yeah, wait your turn like everybody else.
Squidward Tentacles: What? Black lemonade? You've been selling this as a refreshment?
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star and Lincoln Loud: *yells through megaphones* Yes!
Don the Whale: *pushes Squidward* Hey, come on, buddy. No cutting. We've been waiting here all day.
The crowd complain and Squidward sees a really long line of customers.
Squidward Tentacles: You mean you people actually drink this?
The crowd murmurs in agreement.
Squidward Tentacles: Huh? Huh? *smiles evilly and gets an idea* Huh! *grabs a megaphone and speaks into it* What if I told you you can buy black lemonade straight from the source?
Don the Whale: Source? We love the source!
The crowd murmurs in agreement.
Squidward Tentacles: *takes out a really big fan and blows SpongeBob, Patrick, Lincoln, Yellow, Red, the boat load of ink, and the lemonade stand away*
Lincoln Loud: Whoa!
Squidward Tentacles: *forms my own stand and calls it "Squidward's black lemonade."
Human Girl Kid: *walks up to Squidward's black lemonade* Excuse me, how much is this black lemonade?
Squidward Tentacles: Only one dollar!
Human Girl Kid: Umm, I only have fifty cents.
Squidward Tentacles: Well, I guess you don't get any black lemonade!
Human Girl Kid: But I'm so thirsty... *looks away* Ooh! Maybe that one has cheap lemonade!
Squidward Tentacles: What? *looks to my left and notices Leni holding her own lemonade stand saying "LEMONADE" in Comic Sans MS*
Leni Loud: Only fifty cents for my pink lemonade!
Human Girl Kid: *gives Leni fifty cents and drinks the lemonade, then sighs of relief* This is really good...
Leni Loud: It's my special pink lemonade!
Squidward Tentacles: Pink lemonade?!
Human Girl Kid: Thank you! *walks away*
Squidward Tentacles: *angrily* Leni, what are you doing?!
Leni Loud: *smiles* Hey Squidward, I'm holding my own lemonade stand so I can have enough money just like Ashley!
Squidward Tentacles: *gets angry* WELL STOP IT! I'M MAKING BLACK LEMONADE AND I DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO SEE YOU!
Leni Loud: Everyone has their own taste, Squidward. Want to try my lemonade?
Squidward Tentacles: *growls* No, thank you! I want black lemonade and I hate you anyway! *walks back to my black lemonade looking annoyed* Surely some people will still buy my black lemonade! *watches*
As more people come to Leni's lemonade stand to buy her pink lemonade.
Squidward Tentacles: *gets annoyed* Seriously?! She's getting more people than I ever did!
One of Ashley and Leni's lemonade stands, it makes two copies saying "LEMONADE" in Comic Sans MS.
Ashley Roberts: Squidward, we got three lemonade stands! Do you like it?!
Squidward Tentacles: No, black lemonade is better!
Ashley Roberts: Okay, then! *shrugs*
Leni Loud: *smiles* Thank you all for coming to buy my lemonade!
After all the people left, Leni checked to see if she had any more lemonade.
Leni Loud: No more lemonade already?
Squidward Tentacles: Huh?
Leni Loud: Good thing I totes made a spare! *pulls out another bucket of lemonade*
Squidward Tentacles: *annoyed* Oh come on!!
The customers line up.
Don the Whale: Uh, okay. So where's our black lemonade?
Squidward Tentacles: Yes, of course. Coming right up. *attempts to spray more ink out from my nose, but nothing happens* Huh? *pokes my nose and blows it*
He chuckles.
Squidward Tentacles: Don't worry. I'll—I'll make some more. I just need a little recovery time. *wrings out my nose and blows it, only to blow out the inside of my nostrils*
Dave the Fish: Say, uh, buddy, you all right?
Squidward Tentacles: *chuckles* I'm fine!
Dave the Fish: Well, then, make with my black lemonade!
Squidward Tentacles: Uh, can somebody please scare me?
Don the Whale: *grabs Squidward by the neck* Oh, I'll do better than that, jack! *goes to punch Squidward*
Squidward Tentacles: *screams and sprays ink out from my nose onto Don's face, then sprays ink over the heads of the long line of customers*
Customers: *gasps in shock and moans in disgust*
Then they see that black lemonade was actually made out of Squidward's ink.
Squidward Tentacles: *stops spraying the ink and goes back to my lemonade stand* Black lemonade.
Cara the Fish: *grossed out* Oh... is that what black lemonade is? *gags*
The customers are completely grossed out. They trample onto Squidward and destroy the stand. Then they run into Squidward's house and throw up inside.
Squidward Tentacles: I don't get it. I thought they wanted...
SpongeBob, Patrick, Yellow, Red, Lincoln, Leni and Ashley are holding a big lemonade stand saying "LEMONADE" in Comic Sans MS.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey, Squidward! You'll be happy to hear we're out of the black lemonade business. We found something new.
Patrick Star: Yeah, it's all yours, buddy. Lemonade.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Yellow, Red Rectangle, Lincoln, Leni Loud and Ashley Roberts: Yay.
Ashley Roberts: Come get our special lemonade!
Leni Loud: Only fifty cents!
Several people came to SpongeBob, Patrick, Yellow, Red, Lincoln, Leni and Ashley's big lemonade stand. The seven smiled as they were happy to be working together.
Squidward Tentacles: Huh. You know, lemonade is just the kind of comfort food I could use right now. Thanks. *takes a lemonade and drinks it* Hey, these lemonades are thirsty! What's in them?
Patrick Star: Spider eggs!
Red Rectangle: Yeah.
Yellow Rectangle: Say hello to our new partner. *shows the giant red spider to Squidward* Mildred, you've met Squidward.
Squidward Tentacles: *screams*
As Mildred's babies crawl out of his mouth.
Squidward Tentacles: *sprays more ink out from my nose, blackening the screen*
It says "THE END". Episode ends.
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