"RACE CAR CREEP"

WELCOME HACK boys and girls! Strap into your seats in the back of my AUTOMO-KILL ha-ha-ha! We're going racing on one REVOLTING-RACE-HACK! But BILE we're doing that, check out this REVOLTING-RACER, who's just DYING to win, nicknamed...
Back in the summer of 1971, there was a drag racer sitting in his race car on a road out, in New Jersey one night. He turned on the radio of his race car and The Lemon Pipers started to sing "Green Tambourine" on it then. A second race car pulled up next to the drag racer's one and the first drag racer said to the second one: "hey, Doug, I was waitin' for a long time for ya". "I'm here Wally, no worries" Doug responded to him. Wally turned up the volume on his race car radio and a guy standing out in the middle of the road shot a gun into the air. Wally and Doug sped off in their race cars, passed the guy, speeding past a cheering audience on both sides of the road then. Doug smoked a cigarette and suddenly sped up, turned his race car sideways and slammed on his breaks. Wally screamed, steering his race car away from Doug's, but quickly drove over a wall. His car flew over the screaming crowd, and landed flipping upside down in the dirt. People ran to it then and found that Wally had been killed.
Five years later, Doug was sitting at a table in a bar one night. He drank a bottle of Scotch and a lady came over to him. "Hi. Are you Doug Sampson?" she asked him. "Hi. Yes ma'am I am. How can I help you?" he answered, asking her. "Oh, wow. Do you still drag race sir?" she asked, smiling. "Oh no. I quit ma'am" Doug said to the lady. "Oh I see. Well, I saw Wally Harrison your drag racing Friend sitting outside here a few minutes ago sir" she said to him. "What? Wally Harris is dead though ma'am. He was killed five years ago in a wreck he had!!" Doug Sampson said to her, shocked. He took a big gulp of his Scotch then. "Oh, I am sorry, Mr. Sampson. That guy said he was him when he said hi to me" the lady said to Doug, puzzled. Doug rushed out of the bar and saw Wally's old race car driving up the road. "No!! I made Wally crash and die, so I could win the race!!" Doug said quietly to himself. Doug Sampson parked in the garage of a small house, got out of his race car, closed the garage door, and then went and opened his mailbox. He found a letter that read in black slime: "Dear Doug, I have returned from my grave for you. It was you who planned my death by causing me to wreck! ~Wally Harris". Doug screamed and ripped the letter in half, running into the house.
He latched his front door and sat down on his couch in the living-room. Headlights shined through his window then, and Doug Sampson saw them shining within his large mirror. He rushed to the window and spotted that it was Wally's race car within the streetlights. It sat out in his driveway. Suddenly, the zombified-skull of Wally Harris came out of the shadows in his old car, the skeleton's eye sockets containing shining-yellow pupils in them. The boney-hand of the zombie of Wally Harris turned on his old race car-radio and Paul McCartney And Wings started singing "Band On The Run" on it. The rotting skeleton cackled in an eerie, high-pitched voice, and when Doug flung-open his front door, and ran for his garage, the zombie sped into it, hitting him. Doug was smashed in between his garage door and the zombie's old race car. He gasped for air and began coughing. The cackling zombie backed up, Doug Sampson falling to his knees and then backwards, onto his side in his driveway. He crawled, coughing across his driveway, away from his garage-door, but then the laughing zombie of Wally ran him over quickly, hitting and killing Doug, and smashing into the door of the garage. 
The decaying-skeleton of Wally Harris laughed out loud: "RACE CAR CREEP". "I NICKNAMED MYSELF THAT, DOUG SAMPSON HA-HA!" the rotten-zombie cackled to the corpse in the driveway. The living-dead drag racer backed up and flung a chain with a hook on the end of it out the the open-window of the car. It landed onto the shadowy-corpse of Doug with the sound of the hook piercing into flesh. The skeleton with the glowing-yellow pupils, laughed, getting out of the car, staggering in shadowy-rags and shadowy-boots to the back of it. The zombie hooked the other end of the chain with a hook on it to the bumper, and staggered back into the car, laughing eerily. The living-dead-man peeled out of the driveway with the dead body of Doug dragging along behind it on the road, as he cackled eerily away.
Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha, now that's what I call DRAG RACING eh, Kiddies? NO-BODY LIKES IT...EXCEPT FOR DOUG'S THAT IS OF CORPSE! Wally was sure to TAKE CAR OF BUSINESS aha-ha-ha-ha. If Race Car Creep has a burn out, he can take his car to ADVANCED BODY PARTS heh-heh-heh-heh!