(S1) Chapter 9: Fixing the Router

Sands just blinked and stared at Errrrr404 and Papaya182. Errrr404 looked around hesitantly before waving and uttering a hello. Sands pulled a splintered chair leg out of the sand and chucked it at Errrr404. He darted out of the way and watched as the chair leg tore right through a palm tree and kept on going. Errrrr404 sent a barrage of bones at sands only to be blocked by sands’ table.
“How the fuck did a TABLE block a hyperversal beings’ bones?” Papaya182 scratched his head. Errrrr404 just shrugged and set his fists aflame with blue flames. Sands raised up his table and blocked the punch from Errrr404. Sands slammed his table into Errrrr404’s head as he was shaking his hand due to punching the hard table hurting pretty badly, sending him rocketing into the nearby oasis.
“Seriously, a fucking table?!” Papaya was still too confused to do jack shit. Errrrr404 stomped out the of the water and summoned a barrage of blasters that surrounded Sands. Sands just grinned and span around, perfectly blocking the blasts with his table. Sands let out a chuckle and send an army of splintered table legs flying towards Wonka. Wonka summoned a bone wall, but a few penetrated through the wall and stabbed Willy in one of his arms.
“FUCKING TABLE LEGS?! THIS IS BULLSHIT!!!” Papay182 grabbed one of the table legs and tried breaking it in half. No progress was made. He tried using magical attacks and everything to even so much as dent it. But nothing happened. Errrr404 was feeling kinda hopeless. This guy was blocking all of his attacks, what could he possibly do? Suddenly, Errrrr404 got an idea with his new big brain. He summoned a water gun and teleported behind sands. Why didn’t he teleport before? I don’t know, don’t ask me!
Sands turned around and was squirted in the face by the water gun. Sands staggered for a bit, holding his face and squeaking in pain. Willy took the opportunity to lift all the water in the oasis using telekinesis and slammed it down upon Sands. Sands was flattened to the ground and shrieked in pain. Errrrr404 high-fived Papaya and prepared a final attack when suddenly, Sands began to glow and… oh no… HE COPIED WILLY’S BUZZFLY FORM!!!
||| Meanwhile, in the Router Void |||
MOD gazed down on River, Adam, and OP. He loomed over them, casting a massive shadow on them because frankly he was just really obese. They kinda all just stood there, staring at each other like cowboys during a stand off. Finally, River whipped out his shotgun and fire away at MOD. MOD slammed his arm forward and blocked the bullets.
“Oh it’s such a…NOT pleasure to meet you again Adam.” Adam tilted and scratched his head in confusion.
“Uh.you mean a curse? You know, there’s a word for-” MOD just gasped and hurled a massive discord-logo shaped projectile at Adam. OP summoned a magical shield to block the large projectile and summoned a lightning bolt in his hands.
“OY MY GDO DIDD YOU NUST CALLME WRON??!?! IM GONA. BAN YO!1!!!!” MOD made the ground shake with a mere step, trying to knock the crew off their feet. But they stood put and just stared right back at MOD like chads. MOD growled angrily and extended an arm towards OP. OP was finished charging a catastrophic thunder bolt and chucked it at MOD’s hand, making it explode.
MOD was pissed off by this and dug his undamaged hands into the ground. Spikes began rising up from the ground. But OP, Adam, and River were absolute dodge lords and just dodged the spikes. But SURPRISE, hands grabbed the crews’ legs and pulled them down to the ground.
MOD let out a cliche villain laugh, showcasing his absolutely foul breath to us all, and towered over the restrained crew. “Any last words?” MOD, that’s hella cliche dude. Really? “SHIT PU NARATOR, YORU TWO DUBM TO UMDURSTAND.” Oh whatever. Well, it looks like the crew’s screwed. What will they do? I mean, they were kinda too weak to put up a fight anyway. 
||| Let’s go back to sands, shall we? |||
Sands grew a pair of sandy wings and threw down his table, believing he no longer needed it. Wonka grunted and also went into HIS BUZZFLY form. Ooo, Buzzfly vs Buzzfly. Who’s gonna win?
Errrrrr404 wasted no time and strung up one of the moons above them. He yanked the strings, rocketing the moon towards Sands. Sands was clever though and slammed his fist upward, shattering the moon. But OHO, Billy Mays was even smarterer and strung up the pieces of the moon and made them all squash sands. Errrrr404 then made the moon explode, causing a blue explosion that he looked away from like a fucking badass.
Willy was walking away, thinking he’d won, when suddenly….BAM! He got hit in the head with table leg. Willy fell over and face planted into the sand. When he got up, he saw sands zooming towards him. He just stood put and looked sands dead in the eye. What’s he planning? Finally, when Sands was in striking range, Billy Mays summoned a wall of bones around him to impale sands.
But oh no…SANDS WAS SMART TOO! He dove upwards to evade the bones and swiftly dive bombed into Willy. Billy Mays staggered back. Sands was now circling around Willy. But since Willy had some conveniently fast reaction time, he grabbed Sands’ fist when he went for a punch and slammed him into the ground. Finally, sands had enough and became ONE WITH THE FUCKING DESERT. OH GOODNESS LORD ALMGIHTY, WHAT’S BILLY MAYS GONNA DO NOW?!
“HOW THE FUCK DID HE BECOME THE ENTIRE FUCKING DESERT?! WHAT?!” Papaya182 was now beyond confused. Sands let out a cliche, deep laugh. “HAM offered me a LOT of drugs for you.”
Billy Mays grit his teeth and looked up at the now massive sands. “Oh, so it speaks…” Billy Mays blue souled the head of sands and slammed him into the ground. Sands changed the sand right next to Willy into a hands and grabbed Willy. Sands grabbed Billy tight, rendering him unable to move. Wonka was barraging Sands with blasters and bones, all of which did nothing.
Sands was opening his mouth, getting ready to devour Wonka when suddenly….the lancer theme played and some photo-negative lancer on a motorcycle descended from the cosmos and rammed into Sands so hard that the sand just exploded because whatever lancer rams into explodes. Billy Mays fell to the ground and nailed the landing cause he’s just cool like that. He reverted back to his normal form and took a seat on a rock.
“HO HO HOOOO, I FOUND YOU DAD!” Billy Mays and Papaya’s jaws dropped. “WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN THIS CHAPTER?!” Photo negative Lancer- wait no, PN Lancer is shorter- PN Lancer ran up to Billy Mays and hugged him. Billy Mays just looked down at PN lancer then picked him up.
“Dad? I- WHAT? Who the fuck did I- HUH?” PN lancer tilted his head in confusion. “You don’t remember dad?” Billy Mays shook his head. He had no idea wtf happened.
“Remember? You and momma uh…um…I don’t know, but I know you’re my dad!” PN Lancer said. Papaya182 stroked his chin and pulled out a DNAscaninator to… well… do a DNA scan. 
“The results yield that you…ARE THE FATHER!!!” Suddenly, sitcom cheering could be heard. Will was beyond confused. He never had a kid; he hadn’t even lost his virginity, how could he have a son?
“Wha- ok, who’s the mother then?” Asked Errrr404. Papaya182 checked the readings and looked at the mother slot. His eyes widened and his jaw dropped. “Wha- who is it?” Will asked.
”You and Chara- wait you two actually-“ Errrr404’s eyes widened and he snatched the machine. Sure enough, PN lancer’s mother was Chara.
”Wait but we never- we weren’t even that- HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE?!” Errrr404 asked.
”NO IDEA, but I finally found you dad!! I’ve been looking for you since chapter 1! I saw all of your adventures on TV and I was so excited, I wanna be just like you and help you reach the Temple of Gad!” Billy Mays looked at Papaya182 and scratched his head. Well, there was no ignoring this kid. Not in good faith at least. This was undeniably Errrr404’s son, and there was no changing that. Will stood there for a moment, overcoming his initial shock after it was interrupted by him hearing the word “dad?” He took another short moment to decide what he would do with this little guy. Again, he couldn’t just leave him. He finally reached a conclusion and turned to face his son. 
“Well uh…..sport? Should I call you sport?” Lancer nodded. FUCK, I’M MAKING THIS TOO WHOLESOME! “Ok sport, it’s kinda dangerous. What can you do?” Lancer just chuckled and summoned a buncha spades and rammed into a mountain with his motorbike, exploding it. Billy Mays shook his head and frowned.
“Well, that’s quite impressive sport-“ PN lancer bounced up and down. “CAN I JOIN CAN I JOIN CAN I JOIN?” Errrrr404 put his hand on PN lancer’s head, patting him. “Well…not yet…..” lancer stopped jumping and looked down. “Awww…but….I always wanted to be just like you.” Papaya182 went up to Billy Mays and whispered something in his ear. A lightbulb appeared over Willy’s head and he turned to PN Lancer.
“Well…ooook. You just need a little more power…which I guess I’ll bestow upon you. Alright hold still.” PN lancer had to try real hard to hold still because he was bursting with excitement in this moment. Errrrr404 put his hand on PN Lancer’s forehead and transferred power into him. PN Lancer began hovering and laughed; this power transfer felt GREAT. Now PN Lancer had a cool, multi-color crown above his head and a new outfit I don’t care to explain the appearance of. Go check out his page if you wanna see it; we all know that you have to check a wiki, tumblr, and discord server to trust understand a story after all.
Lancer got up and held his hands out. He had the power to do so much; practically, he could do whatever he wanted. The first thing that came to mind was summoning a special chain of sort that could serve to do many things, one being to grab stuff. “Uh….chains go!” Nothing happened. “Hmmm….chains away….” Nothing happened again. “Hmmm uhh….LETSA GO!” Chains shot out of his hands and grabbed onto a far away pyramid. He yanked the chains, making the pyramid rocket towards him. He held out his fist, turning the pyramid into dust once it collided with his fist. He hopped up and down all giddy about his new powers, how cute.
“THANKS DAD THANKS DAD THANKS DAD!” Billy Mays smiled and held up his son Lion king style. “Does this mean I get a superhero name?” Billy Mays nodded. “OOOOO! I’m gonna call myself….King Funnyverse! Does that sound good?”
“Yeah little buddy, yeah. Well, for your first ever official super hero mission, we’ve got to get to the temple of Gad before HAM does. You ready?” King Funnyverse jumped up and down excitedly and followed Papaya182 and Billy Mays to the temple of Gad.
||| Now, back to the Router Void |||
Despite the crew getting their asses kicked previously, they weren’t done. Cue the music that played when Ralsei, Kris, and Susie were fusing! Harrus channeled up all of thunderous energy, Adam channeled up all of his Chad energy, and River….uh….he took out his shot gun. Together they formed….OP GIGADAD!!! Mod gazed in disbelief.
“IMPOSSIBLE, A FUSION?! I’LL TEAR YOU ALL TO SHRED-“ Mod was cut off from a Zeus thunderbolt from the OP Thunder!Gun. Mod shrieked with anger and swung an arm towards OP GIGADAD (ODG for short) who just grabbed it, spam him around, and let go, yelling “So long gay bowser!” Mod got up and growled.
“BLOCKED BLOCKED BLOCKED! YOU’RE ALL BLOCKED!” Mod sent projectiles towards ODG. ODG took them like a Chad then took out a massive towel. He began spinning it in circles. Finally, he whipped it at Mod, hitting him in the eye. Mod fell over and started crying like a like a fucking baby.
“FINE FINE, TAKE THE WIFI, BUT I’LL BE BACK!” Mod disappeared through a portal and went back to Azathaoth. Another W for the cool kids. OP GIGADAD un-fused and they all high-fived. Then they hacked the Wifi, not only making themself more OP but also clearing the internet of MOD’s horrid influence. They were now true heroes. They made their way back to Obligatory HQ (yeah they have a base now) and threw a party for themselves. 
||| Azathoth Time!!! |||
Azathoth shook one of his…heads? at Mod. “Disappointing. Very disappointing. You let a fucking fusion beat you?” MOD got on his knees and sobbed. “B-boss you don’t understand! They’re protagonists!”
Azathoth slapped MOD and crossed his…fuck it, Azathoth’s too eldritch to do describable gestures. “Protagonists my ass! HAM was successfully able to defeat Billy Mays and everyone else before. They had to cower down and run away! What’s YOUR excuse?” MOD didn’t have one. “None? As expected. Get your shit together MOD or I swear to Lovecraft I’ll delete you!”
Conveniently, HAM showed up with some weird thing. Idfk WHAT that thing is. Looks like some amalgamate that borrowed too much from- 
“Oi chaps, howzit goin?” Azathoth frowned. “So is it true that you hired sands to try and stop Billy Mays?” HAM shrugged.
“Yeah mate, hoired ‘im cuz ah nyoo he wuz good. An’ ‘e wuz, but sum awkwud Lanca thing came in and rammed inta em. But good news lad, ah kno’ where da tem’l of gad’s at now!” Azathoath grinned.
“Excellent! And uh…what’s that thing you have with you?” Azathoth pointed a tentacle at the thing. “Oh dis? Dis be uh…..malg da amalg’mite! Foun’ sum weird orb by da ruinz uv be’atale. Gave it sum lean an’ it becam’ dis thing! It lookz purdy cuul and powaful.”
The being did a weird sneeze thing. A fucking hyper beam came out of a hole in its chest area and it waved. “Ah...alright it can stay. Well now MOD, you better go and torment the godverse again since it’s all your good for.” MOD sniffed, dried up his tears, and hovered over to godverse.
“Well now that HE’S gone….cliche laugh?” HAM and Malg had a big grin on their face and began laughing along with Azathoth.
Category:Canon
Category:Episodes
Category:Written by Cliche
Category:Story
Category:Season 1