Quotes/Shrouded Valley

== Session 1 ==
;These are important steps in the plan
:GM: What are you guys doing?
:Mrugnak: We are going to put the hat on the rock!
:Connell: Attempting to remember what verse of the song I was on before we got interrupted.
;Uncouth barbarian woodslore is not for the squeamish
:Mrugnak: Does Connell know the Concealment spell?
:Connell: Nope.
:Berkun: Berkun can camouflage it, but we could use some scent camouflage too, and that I have no idea how to do
:GM: Berkun knows some tricks, though. They mostly involve killing small animals.
;Even Mrugnak doesn't like his plans
:Mrugnak: As far as storming the gates, Mrugnak's contribution to the plan is to go knock them down and smash goblins.
:Mrugnak: ... I hope someone has a better plan than Mrugnak's "bash down gates, bash down goblins" thing.
;Seriously, people, pay attention to the straight lines!
:Leprechaun: One of the others whispers in the leader's ear. They have a quick discussion in Low Faerie.
:GM: Connell has some knowledge of Low Faerie (he speaks Middle Faerie, himself, of course). 
:Ayake: High Faerie is what, Nymphs? :D
:Mrugnak: Stoned nymphs. Pot Pixies. Hemp hags.
:GM: High faerie what SM+1 faeriefolk speak. Duh.
;No doubt
:GM: Roll at Hearing-4 to hear them.
:Connell: Hearing! Success!
:GM: whispering to Connell, They're in an argument about whether to tell you about the family gold.
:Connell: adds, "And if anyone's gold needs rescuing, we're just the folk to do it."
:Connell: perks those sensitive pointy ears of his. It's rumoured a faun can hear a bra unclasping from thirty yards away.
== Session 3 == 
;Self assessment.
:Mark: Let's get started. Any last second questions?
:Richard: are we all gonna die?
:Mark: You'll die if you do dumb stuff. Otherwise, no.
:Mrugnak: Uh oh. Checks his IQ score.
:Connell: So we're gonna die.
;In other news, prisons are designed to be hard to escape
:Berkun: is there any rock anywhere particularly good for cover?
:GM: No, crazily enough, the goblins don't want people assaulting their wall from behind cover.
:Ayake: Almost as if someone decided to completely smooth out every approach to the walls to make for easy spotting of potential intruders.
;Slightly confused
:Mrugnak: shakes his morningstar at their fleeing backs. "Aion iskulyonti oman paansa!"
:Emily: I accidentally said "I am going to smash my head in!" Oh well. Mrugnak's an idiot anyways.
:Mark: Well, Mrugnak may have gotten confused in all the excitement. "Am I your enemy, or my own? Do you feel lucky, punk? Do you?"
== Session 4 ==
;Names changed to protect the relevant parties
:Jeremy: Heya. I have ... something,fevers and coughs, so I will be loopy tonight.
:Mark: Will I be able to tell the difference? =)
:Jeremy: Probably not, really.
;Witty Dialog!
:Ogre: "Grr!"
:Mrugnak: "Nasty ogre!" Mrugnak smashes the ogre in the face with a morningstar. Success!
:Mrugnak: "BAD OGRE."
:Ogre: "Ow! Bad bull-man!" Hits you back... Success.
:Mrugnak: Parry! "No, YOU bad!"
:Ogre: "Dumb cow!"
:Mrugnak: "No, YOU cow!" and with that witty retort, Mrugnak smashes him again. With VIGOR because that was pretty hurtful, what he said! (Mighty Blows!) Success!
:Ogre: Dodge and retreat!
:Mrugnak: "Stupid fat ogre."
:Ogre: "Ha! Small dumb ugly cow!" Step and swing, Success!
:Mrugnak: bats the dumb ogres fat club aside. "You... you...! You ogre!"
;Knock knock? Nobody's home!
:Goblin: "I held-um them off for you! Get-um big guys!" Goblin Engineer kicks Mrugnak in the head, telegraphed Success!
:Mrugnak: Hm. I'm not entirely sure it's worth dodging.
:Ayake: Just take it?
:Mrugnak: Yeah.
:Goblin: Damage is Max damage!
:Mrugnak: Mrugnak doesn't notice. He's got DR 5 from his skull alone.
:Goblin: Should have run.
:Mrugnak: "Wut go clank?"
;Grappling doesn't work either, really.
:The goblin tries two more times to penetrate Mrugnak's armor with a pick, and then gives up.
:Goblin Engineer: drops his pick and jumps forward, grabbing Mrugnak's mighty right arm! Failure!
:Goblin Engineer: Well, poo.
:Goblin Engineer: tries again! Success!
:GM: Mrugnak, you're being grappled in your arm by a goblin.
:Mrugnak: Oh, um. I probably parry it in the face! -4 for repeated parries! Success! 
:Mrugnak: In the face! Critical Success! Mrugnak casually backhands the goblin.
:GM: The blow inflicts maximum normal damage.
:Narrator: The goblin jumps at Mrugnak again, and Huvudet-krossat-i slams into him, throwing him off the building. The goblin plummets silently, his ribs crushed. Then he splats noisily near Berkun.
;Warning! Monks may cause explosions if disturbed!
:Richard: how high is the wall again?
:GM: About 9 yards. You're level with the top of the other building, then.
:Richard: Then I go forward.
:GM: Okay. There's carnage.
:Ayake: I've been busy.
:Richard: I don't land in the mess.
== Session 5 ==
;You say tomato...
:Ayake: It's a ninja. Like Ayake.
:Connell: Ayake is not a ninja. Ninja bother to sneak occasionally.
:Ayake: I sneaked!
:Connell: And then you RAN UP A WALL and CAUSED AN EXPLOSION.
:Richard: explosions are GOOD!
:Connell: Yes but they're not subtle.
;Learning not to have friendlies downrange
:Ayake: Fast Draw a Throwing Spike, Move, and throw it with Power Blow/Penetrating Strike/Burning Strike at Grunt 8's back.
:Ayake: Suck Divine Perfect Laser, evildoer.
:GM: Well, you're clearly behind him, so no dodge. You burn a hole through his back, all his internal organs, and out the front again.
:GM (checking to see who else in the line of fire): Hits Mrugnak? Yes.
:Mrugnak: Owie.
:GM: Mrugnak, a burning spike of flaming doom is about to hit you. Want to dodge?
:Mrugnak: You and your stupid lasers.
:Ayake: Sorry.
:Connell: Once again Kevin steps all over my dooming-the-party shtick.
:Mrugnak: Stupid lasers. Stupid fat ogres not fat enough.
:Mrugnak: gives Ayake the stink eye.
:Ayake: gives a helpless shrug. "They're softer on the inside than I thought."
;Good clarification
:GM: What are people doing while Mrugnak opens the gate?
:Connell: peering around looking for trouble.
:Connell: Watching. WATCHING for trouble.
;Maybe we shouldn't have let Mrugnak do the tactical planning
:Mrugnak: we're hiding.
:Mrugnak: So we go straight for people.
:Mrugnak: I love this plan.
:Ayake: Yes.
:Richard: we R dum
:Ayake: We remove the people, and hide where they were staying.
:Connell: ... Somehow I think genocide is not going to be a good plan.
;It is a quandary
:Ayake: "Let's head for one of those villages."
:Richard: "Shouldn't we try for someplace with no goblins?"
:Ayake: "We're in a valley full of goblins. I don't think we're likely to find someplace with no goblins. We could go for a mine, but I rather expect that's more likely to have goblins and guards and traffic."
;Back to straightforward violence
:GM: There's about 30-40 goblinoids, along with some ogres, meeting up with wolfarchers after about 18 minutes. They're stopping, though, forming up, and waiting.
:Ayake: points at the mass of troops. "Are we ready for that?"
:Mrugnak: "Dat ready fer us?"
:Ayake: "That's the spirit, Mrugnak."
== Session 6 ==
;Target rich environment
:Ayake: "Well, I have faced worse odds. I can't quite remember when, but I'm sure I have."
:Connell: "Are we really going to fight an entire army on an open field?"
:Berkun: "I never faced worse odds. But there's first time for everything..." Berkun mutters, then spits in his hands.
:Mrugnak: "It just goblin."
:Mrugnak: "n puppies."
:Mrugnak: "n ogres."
:Mrugnak: "n more goblins."
;Please to stop shooting allies in the back
:Berkun: and then shoot the same ogre, the one with Ayake... Failure! 
:GM: Hit Ayake? Success! 
:Berkun: huh, that won't do. luck...
:GM: Not for another 7 minutes, I'm afraid.
:Berkun: I'll need to get closer
:Ayake: At least I'm past his 1/2D range.
:Mrugnak: Yay!
:GM: Actually, his half damage range is 320 yards, which you are well within.
:Ayake: Tries and succeeds on catching the arrow from behind
:Berkun: oh my
:Ayake: I am NINJA.
:Berkun: fortunately:)
;Someone wake up Connell
:Connell: worries the ogre with his teeth and slashes at it with his claws.
:GM: Ogre is dead.
:Connell: Whee, I've been paying attention.
;He has very specific limitations
:In wooden tiger form, Connell can move through wood as though it were air.
:Connell: Slam that ogre dude! Rar grapple neck!
:Ogre: Block! Feeds you an ogre sized shield.
:Connell: A... wooden shield, perhaps?
:Connell: Muahaha?
:Ogre: Faced with hide!
:Connell: Curses! Kryptonite!
;The ogre's plan is not going to plan
:Connell: leaps at #5's throat. Grrraawwrr!
:Ogre: Well, foo. Parry! Success! Axe breaks on a 4 or less? Yes!
:Narrator: The ogres wards off the wooden tiger with his axe head, but the massive tiger knocks it out of his hand.
:Ayake: No shield, no axe? Not a good day to be him.
:Mrugnak: Oh frabjulous day!
:GM: Mrugnak didn't totally destroy his shield. Just cracked it. Not that he can block with it for a round...
:Mrugnak: Mrugnak turns on Mr "Oops Where Did My Weapon Go?" and unleashes the pain and suffering!
== Sessions 8 and 9 ==
;Druid or robot?
:Connell: has run out of targets, and exits grargh-neck-biting mode. 
;Mrugnak finally gets his big fancy hat
:Mrugnak: Slam the goblins! Success!
:GM: You're not in their hex yet, Mrugnak.
:Mrugnak: oh. blast.
:GM: Oh, wait. Horns have reach, right?
:Mrugnak: Horns have reach!
:Richard: BIG horns!
:Mrugnak: Reach! Reach C, big minotaur, = all reach C attacks promoted to C,1
:Goblin: Mrugnak does much damage, goblins do little damage in the collision. 
:Mrugnak: Tell me I have a goblin hanging off my horn >.>
:Narrator: Mrugnak plows into the goblins, impaling one on his good horn and crunching another against his broken horn. Other goblins bounce off his massive legs. He stands and roars, the unlucky goblin twitching irregularly as the world's most gruesome piece of haberdashery. The last few goblins flee in terror.
;Third time isn't exactly the charm, but at least Richard took a shot
:Richard keeps switching aim points as Berkun kills his targets
:Richard: Aim at Ogre Warrior 1
:GM: This is the "maybe Berkun won't kill him first" plan?
:Seconds later
:Narrator: Ogre Warrior 1 drops his burning shield just in time to catch Berkun's arrow through the heart. He tumbles to the ground, over his shield.
;Ninja skills!
:Ayake: Right! Grab a sword from a dead goblin. Aside: I'm doing this because I'm low on shuriken.
:GM: How's about an axe since they're not carrying swords?
:Ayake: It's a thing! I can throw it.
;The sad thing is that he isn't joking.
:Mrugnak: Run in a straight line!
:GM: Woo-hoo!
:Mrugnak: It's complicated, but he can just master it. Native talent.
;It's hard to rescue the competent allies
:Mrugnak: Mrugnak goes to "rescue" Ayake!
:Mrugnak: Slowly.
:Mrugnak: well. not really. just you're so far away.
:GM: Better hurry, or he'll rescue himself just like Berkun.
;The overconfidence of inexperience
:Cid SilverWing: Is there such a technique as bull-charging anyone?
:Mrugnak: Slams! Or pushes if you can't wind up.
:GM: Yes, that's all the slams and shield rushes.
:Cid SilverWing: Ok. Because that ogre's going down.
:Cid SilverWing: Once it is my turn, bull-charge the incoming Ogre 9 with my shield. I'm hoping to stagger him.
:Ogre: Ogre 9 shield rushes Cid. Success!
:GM: Cid, your Dodge is 10, effectively. You're slammed by the ogre.
:Cid SilverWing: "Agh!"
:GM: Cid, You're spun as someone 2' taller and 400 lbs heavier slams into you and knocked snout first in the mud.
;Connell really needs to pay attention
:Connell: jumps for the ogre again, grabbing whatever part happens to be handy. "Rargh!" Critical Failure!
:Connell: Oh hellcakes.
:GM: It's dead.
:Connell: Well.
;All is well that ends well.
:Narrator: Ahead of you, the famous foxman paladin Cid Silverwing lies in the mud formed by his blood seeping from rents in his armor.
:Ayake: We desperately need to regroup and rest. "He looks dead to me. Wonder where he came from?"
:Richard: that almost sounds like a plan
:Mrugnak: "Aww. Der ogre smashed dat puppyman."
:Connell: peers critically at the fallen paladin. He is in need of urgent healing type things?
:Connell: concentrates for a moment, and there's a faint smell of flowers, casting Major Healing successfully.
:Mrugnak: "Yay! Cousin fixed da puppy man!"
== Session 10 ==
;Okay, so these sessions haven't had the subtlety and intrigue of, well... even Temple of Elemental Evil, really... but there is some terrain!
:Connell: Our characters have managed to pare down the idea of "adventure" as far as it can go; "You are in an open field. There is an ogre. It is charging!!!"
:GM: Hey, there are MANY ogres!
:Connell: The plot thickens!
;Ted gives in to the dark side
:Mark: Things are looking a little desperate but some concentrated damage will clear out most of the mobs.
:Ted: go team evil! ...wait
:Mark: That's the spirit!
;The truth hurts
:Mark: It's weird to think that at this point in the Caverns of Madness, we were in the Tomb of the Bloody Baron.
:Mark: My adventures are spiraling out of control!
== Session 11 ==
;Comprehension failure
:Ted: Emily needs to make an iron legonaire helmet for us :) on the armor list
:Mark: Ted? There's a Legionary Helmet (Iron) on the armor list.
:Ted: oh, I assumed it was still bronze since it was DR4
:Mark: I thought "Legionary Helmet (Iron)" would have made the composition clear. =)
;Minotaur barbarians don't need to make sense
:GM: You plow into the surprised knights, who apparently thought that just because you dropped your axe and drew a potion, you weren't going to attack.
:Mrugnak: Beh, logic smogic.
== Session 14 ==
;Connell works blue
:Connell: turns into a rearing python made of translucent water. A single somewhat confused goldfish swims within.
:Connell: And if possible land on the fire on Ayake, but that may be too much.
:GM: Does Connell's watery presence put it out? Yes!
:Connell: Ayake feels the soothing presence of Connell's snake. This will not be last time it has improved someone's evening.
;Ogres shouldn't charge Berkun
:Berkun: "Bah!" Move and attack, running behind the ogre and shooting him in the head.
:Ogre: Survive an arrow to the brain? No!
:Richard: wow, ogres DO have brains!
:GM: Hey, look, Berkun just killed someone. That never happens.
;The limitations of magic.
:Mrugnak: I see a goooblin. It keeps zapping me. Imma smash it!
:Mrugnak: charges over to the goblin and plows into it horns first! 
:Goblin: Cast an impenetrable magical defense!
:Goblin: "No!"
:Mrugnak: ahwel.
:GM: Yeah, that's only going to work once for him.
:Mrugnak: proceeds to hit the goblin three more times.
:Narrator: Magic flairs red as the goblin blocks the morningstar to his head, but it wraps around his body as Trusty Axes cuts into him. The goblin glows flying, collapses in a heap, bleeds out, and his eyes shut.
;Connell learned how to play dead from Shakespearean actors
:Connell: remains coiled around the dead wizard, looking inert, hoping Mrugnak's targetting systems lock on to something more animate.
:Connell: Is fooling a raging berserker a trivial task?
:Mrugnak: I'm gullible!
:Mrugnak: And stupid!
:GM: Connell's clever acting totally convinces you!
:Ogre: But he's still moving!
:Mrugnak: He could in fact be saying "blah, I'm dead!" and I'd buy it.
Category:Saga of Westmarch