Voleur Funkenstain

Voluer Funkenstain – At 6'5, standing quite tall for a human, though perhaps not reaching the stature of half giants or bugbears, this bent and oddly proportioned figure quite literally darkens the doorstep of this disused house as he comes to greet you.   Where skin shows out of shirt cuff, you can see a literal patchwork of flesh tones, fashioned together at odd angles with copper wires woven here and there throughout.  At the neck, there's no organic tissue, just a series of mechanical metal joints, bound up in copper coiling that occasionally arcs electricity with a small zzzt snap.  He wears a wide-brimmed black felt hat, hiding many facial details in shadow, but you can see the bone structure and skin of the face is piecemeal like the hands – made up of a number of... let's call them donors.  Voluer makes a show of slowly placing the business end of the strange, pneumatic weapon which fired the warning shot onto the floor and stepping away from it with his palms up toward you, and motions to some dusty old kitchen furniture remaining from the original occupants.  You can hear the crack and pop of natural joints along with the whirring of mechanical ones as he sits. 
What are you? "I am a self-made man of the truest sense.  While most would have their parents to thank for their good looks, I have only mine own unartful eye, and clumsy hands of a buffoon, to thank for my... striking features.  Confoundingly, I believe I also have an artist's soul – I find myself constantly chasing beautiful perfections in my mind's eye that my own flawed form can never seem to bring into the world.  And if that is not what you find at the very heart of the meaning of existence, then we have quite different experiences and viewpoints." 
Ok... but whose body parts are these? "Alas, the bodies of those well-loved and cared for are seldom available for purchase at the county jailhouse... So with staples, sutures, spells, and luck, I make replacements as I am able." 
"One might say I am born from ills, but I prefer to think that I afford those lost to the base entrapments of society another chance to make good in the world." 
The road to hell is paved with good intentions: "Of course - but is every other road not also paved with good intent?" 
What was your job? "For reasons that are likely obvious, I like to work in relative seclusion.  I was employed to research effeciency improvements among the company's offerings, and if I had ideas for products outside their current production, I could seek permission to pursue such things upon approval." 
Any relation to Funkenstein or George Clinton? "None that I am aware of, though, I should feel honored if but a small piece of me was from the honorable and long-standing member of Parliament." 
So - What do you have?  What's the invention?  "What I have will make a number of powerful people quite cross... It is an engine, capable of powering machines for locomotion, manufacture, anything you might dream up, and I have made it function, virtually free of cost, using the preservation of an endangered local species." 
How?? "Are you familiar with the Crested Spark Moles that were once widely endemic to the hills of southern Guaso?" 
"Well, they're small creatures, akin to the mammalian true moles you're likely familiar with, but their lineage diverted quite some time back as far as anyone I know can tell.  As is often in such cases, the intervention of wizards is suspected.  They're unable to breathe pure air like you or I might, as at the temperatures we're accustomed would freeze their little lungs.  So, they've adapted a small ember in the soft palate at the back of their throats to super-heat the air that they breath."   
[Basically, a new entry in a popular IP about collecting and battling adorable pocket-sized monsters.] 
"Because of this ember, and the spark mole's tendency spend most of their days cuddled together asleep in large burrows, those burrows can grow quite hot.  Hot enough to be useful from an engineering standpoint." 
"By creating a kind of preserve, free from hounds, cats, and other predators, and some painstaking work on drainage – given their proclivity to live in a hole, and what is essentially a hot coal in their mouth... they are quite unhappy underwater, so runoff management is key – I have created an ecological sanctuary which reliably produces tremendous amounts of heat, at the cost of the vegetation eaten by the moles themselves.  The heat, I capture in the form of molten iron in a kind of encapsulated ceramic crucible which can be moved, and inserted into a sterling engine to provide mechanical work however you should need or want it." 
How do they heat things up?  "I believe that the ember in their throat is actually a sort of organ – a gland perhaps, and inside it, this animal possesses a tiny, though potent, window into the elemental plane of fire." 
Stirling Engine? "Ah, of course.  Not a terribly popular design as of yet, outside of a novelty, but they function by using the different properties of hot air and cold air to drive a wheel.  Attach a hammer to that wheel, and you've a power hammer without needing to have a river to turn a water wheel.  Add yarn, and it's a spinner's wheel.  Attach it to drive arms, and it could power a locomotive." 
Molten Iron? "Yes, if properly insulated, it holds its heat for quite a long time.  If it is good enough for the core of our planet, I think it is good enough for this application, no?" 
Spark Moles? "Yes, some find them cute... I don't really see it, and you can't really cuddle with them anyway.  In drier climes, they can occasionally start wildfires, so there was cause for folk to want them gone, so developers, colonizers, farmers, and all the like began intentionally flooding their burrows or killing them if seen on the surface... quite sad, really."   
How'd you get the equipment?  "Well... It was assigned to me to accomplish some of the goals I've told you about - which I did admirably.  When I saw it's potential, and heard what they were going to do with it... I brought my work to a secure location for scale testing.  So, by some definitions, it  belongs to me." 
So you stole it?  
"I didn't steal it.  Not really.  I just took what was given to me from where it used to be.  But my job was a mechanical engineer, and this is an effective, efficient solution to a great number of problems.  Stealing is a bad thing that somebody does for themselves – I'm trying to do a good thing for all.  I do not think the word should apply." 
What were they going to do with it? "Horde it.  Bury it.  Experiment on these tortured moles to shape them in a way more conducive to mass production.  I overheard a good portion of their meeting... None of their ideas involved gentleness, kindness, or even a desire to make money by helping others." 
Who was your employer?  "Hubert's Hand-crank Machines – eh... sort of.  Apparently, Hubert's shop, inventions, and product line was all bought up, along with who knows how many other industrial businesses and makers.  I never met Hubert – I am not certain he even existed.  Near as I can tell from some digging, a series of companies, seem to be operating under this model, and I suspect that if they're not working in league – which would be unusual for competing companies – unless they are, in fact, all actually the same company." 
What companies? "Mrs. Catarina's, and Pappy Watson & Son's are two of the most innocuous sounding – they're usually the first lease holders that I was able to find... but things get kind of... insidiously boring after that.  ABC Industry, South Guasso Property Holdings, Iko's Ironworks, East Guasso Industrial, and I'm sure there are more.  They all seem to be linked somehow, but I can't find anything which solidly proves it." 
What's still at Hubert's?  "I haven't been back, but I had heard that they closed up shop there." 
Funkenstain's Notebook: Most of the entries are hurried scribbles that are likely barely legible to even Funkenstain, and would make doctors envious of the efficiency, but some seem to have been written methodically - and the coffee stains on those pages suggest that time was taken whilst sitting and pondering. 
Entry:  "Freedom!  I got us out of that dreadful place, and we finally have a moment to collect ourselves.  I've taken to calling the prototype Whirley Shirley because I feel that the Bio-Thermic Engine of Differential Exchange is a bit of a mouthful."  
Entry: "Success!  The first test using the endangered spark moles in their own, undisturbed habitat went beautifully.  As the moles played and snuggled, they were completely unaware that we were siphoning excess heat off of their burrow, and using it to generate power.  The first thing I powered up was a kind of electric capacitor of my own design.  It needs some work, but woke me up, and gave me a boost far better than any cup of coffee."  [Worth noting that there are no further coffee stains on the pages after this entry.] 
[Read only this one if party kills Funkenstain] Entry: "I was seen, I'm sure of it.  I probably do not have long until their agents arrive.  I have reached out to the Firebreathing Kittens - their reputation is impressive, and their mascot is not dissimilar to a spark mole - perhaps we will bond over this.  I've arranged for an underboatman to collect them at the bottom of the mine and get them to the sea with the prototype, and I hope that Captain Lenora is able to sail the Susseration to the meetup in time.  If so, I'm sure she can avoid any of the SDCH vessels using that shipping lane…" 
[SGCH = South Guasso Commercial Holdings.] 
The Electric Capacitor: Can be powered by dropping in a prototype pill, or with a hand-crank.  If Funkenstain is unconscious, it can be used to perform a medicine check to resuscitate him. 
The Prototype - the Bio-Thermic Engine of Differential Exchange - AKA Whirley Shirley: 
A large device that works in conjunction with the spark moles that nest nearby.  The heat generated in the moles' dens is captured in pill-shaped ceramic containers full of iron.  The heat liquefies the iron, and the insulating ceramic coverings keeps the iron hot with very little heat lost.  [Comparatively speaking… You'll want to wear some serious gloves.]  The prototype then taps into that molten iron core, and uses the heat to expand air in a large chamber with a kind of billows inside.  As the air heats, it expands, driving the billows upward, and the cool air in the atmosphere then drives the billows down again.  This motion can then be used to turn a wheel, which can then be used to power most anything - drive train for a vehicle, power for turning small motors, raising and lowering a hammer - or if the knowledge is there - generating electricity. 
Pronunciation guide: Vol-'YOUR 'FUNK en stain
 Pronoun: He
 Voice traits: Charming French accent - basically a Lumier impression.
 Mannerisms that will help other DMs portray the character consistently: Funkenstain is a romantic at heart. He seeks to right big wrongs, and make the world better.
 Influences: Frankenstine (and the monster). Lumier. Quasimodo.
 Age: His assembled 'donor' pieces would be difficult to gauge, but he awoke about 30 years ago.
 D&D race: Awakened / Flesh Golem - though he strives to be human or human-like.
 Height: 6'5"
 Weight: 300 lbs
 Hair color: Patches of various colored hair from different sources
 Skin color: Likewise patchwork
 Eye color: mixed
 Example clothing outfit worn: heavy black duster and wide brimmed hat.
 Traits: Sees beauty and possibility in everything
 Ideal: 
 Bond: Driven to protect those he can. Wishes to do the most good he's able given his 'second' life.
 Flaw: Gets swept up in the 'now' and can lose sight of the larger picture easily.
 Family members: None known.
 Friends/People they know: Was an employee of Hubert's Handcrank Machines - but was essentially locked in a basement to work on inventions.
 Social class (poor, student, working class, wealthy): Poor.
 Occupation (how they get money to pay rent and buy food): Stolen.
 Where do they sleep at night? An abandoned Mangonese mine
 Background / Personal history: 
 List of adventures: 164 - Mole Money, Mole Problems
Category:Characters