Squeaky Boots (Rewrite)/transcript

== Transcript ==
Episode Aired: September 18, 1993
Episode Copyrighted: 1993
This episode is rated TV-Y7 for The Expect Smart Actually Season 1. This is the seventeenth episode of The Expect Smart Actually.
Episode starts at Mr. Krabs' house.
Mr. Krabs: *dances and sings at Pearl's birthday party* ♪Yar-har, Pearl's my daughter, I'll spit in your eye! Yo-ho, Pearl's a whale, and it's her birthday, yar-yar-yar!♪ Ta-da!
Pearl Krabs: Thanks for the show, Dad. Now can we open the presents?
Mr. Krabs: Oh, all right. Presents for me darling little sardine. Here ya are. *places the present in front of Pearl*
Pearl Krabs: Oh, you shouldn't have. What is it, Daddy? It wouldn't be those totally hip new flipper slippers all my friends are wearing, would it? Everyone wants them.
Mr. Krabs: Uhh...they might be.
Pearl Krabs: Whee! *begins to unwrap present* Oh, you shouldn't have, yay, you shouldn't have. *sees present* I mean, Dad, *holds up big boots* you really shouldn't have!
Pearl's friends: *laughs*
Human Teenage Fashion Girls: *laughs*
Mr. Krabs: Pearl, these are the finest fishin' boots available!
Pearl Krabs: Dad, you ruined me! *cries*
Mr. Krabs: But I got them for a bargain!
The house shakes from Pearl's screaming and wailing.
Slide transition cuts to the Krusty Krab.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, what am I gonna do? I spent two whole dollars on these boots and now I'm stuck with them!
SpongeBob SquarePants: *peeks into Mr. Krabs' office* Oh, uhh, Mr. Krabs, can I get my paycheck?
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBoy, me Bob! Come in. Come in, right this way, laddie! Have a seat anywhere, but not on these beautiful priceless boots.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *sits down, but the boots are in his way*
He can't see Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: So you want to get paid?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Uhh, sir, I can't see you. The boots... *leans over to one side*
Mr. Krabs: *leans towards the other*
SpongeBob SquarePants: ...are in *leans over to one side*
Mr. Krabs: *leans towards the other*
SpongeBob SquarePants: ...the way.
Mr. Krabs: *pushes the boots aside* In the way? These boots never leave my sight! These are the most expensive and prized possessions I own.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Wow, really? Why is that, they just look like any old ordinary boots.
Mr. Krabs: Ordinary boots? These are the only official fry cook boots! Only the finest fry cooks in the world are permitted to wear them! Part of a tradition. And these boots were given to me by the most famous fry cook in the sea.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Who's that?
Mr. Krabs: Oh, uhh, oh, well, his name's not important, but he was famous, all right, don't you worry.
SpongeBob SquarePants: ♪I'm ready! I'm ready! I want those boots!♪
Mr. Krabs: Sorry, son, these boots are far too valuable. *takes boots away*
Lincoln Loud: Hey, can I try the boots.
Mr. Krabs: No, Lincoln. It's too valuable.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hmmm.. I know! What if I give you my Krusty Krab paycheck?
Mr. Krabs: Paycheck! You got a deal–
SpongeBob SquarePants: And what if I paint the Krusty Krab for free?
Mr. Krabs: You've got a deal.
Lincoln Loud: Deal.
SpongeBob SquarePants: And I'll throw in a year's supply of French fry orders!
Mr. Krabs: You got a...
SpongeBob SquarePants: And...
Mr. Krabs: *stops SpongeBob from saying anything else* Hold on there, lad! You're gonna give me a heart attack! *shakes SpongeBob's hand* You got yourself a deal.
Lincoln Loud: Mr. Krabs, what are you doing?
Mr. Krabs: Shaking my boyo's hand.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Lincoln, here's my boots.
Lincoln Loud: Thank you, SpongeBob.
Mr. Krabs: Be careful with SpongeBob's boots.
Lincoln Loud: Okay.
Squidward is drying off a glass when he looks through the glass and sees Lincoln wearing boots.
Lincoln Loud: Hey, Squidward. Do you like his new boots? Pretty cool, huh? Now, he's an official fry cook! *bounces up and down in the boots, making them squeak
Squidward Tentacles: *watches*
Lincoln Loud: *bounces harder*
Squidward's head is bouncing up and down really hard trying to keep up.
Lincoln Loud: *leaves to squeak SpongeBob's boots around the Krusty Krab*
Squidward Tentacles: That squeaking is gonna drive us all crazy!
Mr. Krabs: Nonsense, Squidward. That squeaking is money to my ears. I mean, music.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *cooks Krab by Patties*
Later that night, Mr. Krabs is in his room, lying in his hammock and imagining dollar bills jumping one-by-one into a cash register.
Mr. Krabs: *mutters* Money, money, money, money, money. Ten, twenty, thirty, forty...
All of a sudden, the pair of squeaky boots jumps into the register. He opens his eyes.
Mr. Krabs: Wha? Who's there? *rests my head on my pillow* Back to countin' me money. *closes my eyes again and imagines coins jumping into the register* One, two, three, four, five...
The boots appear again.
Mr. Krabs: *opens my eyes again* What the barnacle is that? *sees that the bedroom window is opening and shutting by itself, making squeaky noises, then closes the window and gets back into bed, but notices the window has opened again, then walks back across the room to close it but steps into a hole and falls out the window, breaking the tip of my leg off in the process, then gets back into my bedroom, watches my step to avoid another hole and shuts the window, but it won't close, then starts shutting it with increasing force and speed until the window finally stays closed*
The window reopens again*
Mr. Krabs: *gives it the "evil eye" followed by a growl*
The window immediately closes back, as if it says "Yipe!"
Mr. Krabs: *then starts to go back to bed*
He steps into the same hole he avoided earlier and breaks the tip of his other leg off.
Mr. Krabs: *screams*
As he gets flung into his hammock and gets all twisted up in it. Mr. Krabs can do nothing but lie there with bloodshot eyes as the window makes squeaky noises all night, as if it is clapping at him. Fade to the next morning; Mr. Krabs has his legs bandaged up as he drowsily walks to the Krusty Krab.
Mr. Krabs: Arrgh, that was the worst night I ever weathered. At least I'll have some peace and quiet at work.
As he walks up to the door.
Squidward Tentacles: *slams the doors open into Mr. Krabs' face* That's it, Mr. Krabs; I'm taking my vacation now.
Mr. Krabs: *muffles* What's wrong, Mr. Squid-ard?
Squidward Tentacles: I can't take the world's greatest fry cook anymore! I'll see you in a week. *leaves the Krusty Krab*
Mr. Krabs: That fry cook's making me a fortune. What could be the problem?
Lincoln Loud: Hey, Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: Lincoln-coln-coln-coln-coln-coln-oln.
Every time SpongeBob's boots squeak.
Mr. Krabs: *stutters*
Lincoln Loud: *walks up to Mr. Krabs*
He is so tall, all Mr. Krabs can see SpongeBob's boots.
Mr. Krabs: I... uhh, I see you're still wearing SpongeBob's boots.
Lincoln Loud: Are you kidding? I love them! Could the world's greatest fry cook do this? *runs in place fast with plates of Krabby Patties in each hand*
Mr. Krabs: Well, I don't... uhh... I don't... uhh...
Lincoln Loud: Or could he do this? *leans over to one table and sets the plate on the table without having to move from my spot at all* Or this? *leans to another table and puts a plate of patties on that table, then goes behind the register on top of the car* And watch this, Mr. Krabs! *moves SpongeBob's boots around slightly, making them "talk"*
Squeaky Boots: May I take your order?
Francis: Yeah, I'll have the Krusty Special.
Squeaky Boots: Thank you, sir. I will squeak when it's ready.
Lincoln Loud: Could the greatest fry cook do that, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: I, uhh…
Lincoln Loud: And watch this, Mr. Krabs. And this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this. *does many different things with SpongeBob's boots*
Mr. Krabs can't take it anymore.
Mr. Krabs: *my eyes go bloodshot* *screams* I gotta go to my office! *puts seat cushions over my ears* I can still hear it! *puts chairs over my ears* It's still coming through! The infernal squeak! *repeatedly bangs my head on my desk* Those boots have got to go! And I need an aspirin.
That night, at SpongeBob's pineapple...
SpongeBob SquarePants: Gary, these boots have changed my life. I'm never taking them off.
Gary the Snail: *puts earplugs in* Meow.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Good night, Gary.
Screen cuts to The Loud House in Lincoln's room, Lincoln is sleeping with SpongeBob's boots on, Mr. Krabs peeks over his bed board and climbs down, then takes his boots off and runs to the Krusty Krab, laughing quietly.
Lincoln Loud: *shocked, gasps* It's gone! Where are SpongeBob's boots!
Some hammering sounds are heard, then a rooster crows as night fades to morning.
Mr. Krabs: Ah, quiet money. Silence and money.
Lincoln suddenly bursts through the double doors, looking desperate.
Lincoln Loud: Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: What is it, my boy?
Lincoln Loud: *cries, while looking at the ground* Oh, Mr. Krabs, I'm sorry! Sorry! Sorry! I'm sorry!
Mr. Krabs: It's okay, Lincoln.
Lincoln Loud: *cries harder and looks up at SpongeBob's boss with tears streaming down his face* No, it's not okay! I lost SpongeBob's boots! Your valuable boots, because it's my fault I let you down! Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Ohh, I'm so, so, so, so sorry.
Mr. Krabs: Hold it, boy! It's not the end of the world.
Lincoln Loud: Yes, it is!
Mr. Krabs: Look, don't cry. I got some, uhh, some magic oven mitts! *holds up some oven mitts*
Lincoln Loud: *puts them on my feet, waits a second, then kicks them off* They're not the same! You were right. I wasn't ready for those blessed boots.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *enters the Krusty Krab, then puts on the Krusty Krab hat, then walks into the door, opens it, then goes into the kitchen*
Mr. Krabs: Poor lad. *looks through the window and sees that Lincoln is so upset*
He has his head down... right on top of the hot grill.
Tom the Fish: Excuse me?
Mr. Krabs: I didn't do it! *sees Tom* Ohh, heh-heh, can I help ya?
Tom the Fish: Yeah, I'm ready to order.
Mr. Krabs: *takes out a notepad* What'll ya have?
Tom the Fish: I'll take a... *squeaks squeaks*
Mr. Krabs: *becomes surprised* What did you say?
Tom the Fish: I said, I'll take a... *squeaks*
Mr. Krabs: Huh?
Lincoln Loud: *still in tears* I heard his order, Mr. Krabs. He says he wants *squeaks squeaks*
Mr. Krabs: What?
Tom the Fish: And a... *squeaks squeaks squeaks squeaks*
Mr. Krabs: Huh? *starts going insane, imagining everything*
Everyone is squeaking.
Mr. Krabs: Huh? *looks at the menu and sees "squeak" as an item for everything* I didn't write that! *keeps thinking and hears the squeak*
Even the dripping kitchen sink makes squeaking sounds instead of dripping sounds. Eventually he starts seeing visions of Lincoln and SpongeBob's boots.
Lincoln Loud: *in Mr. Krabs' head* Could the world's greatest fry cook do this?... And this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this…
Mr. Krabs' eye starts swirling.
Mr. Krabs: *snaps* Stop it!
Two customers get startled by Mr. Krabs's scream.
Mr. Krabs: Stop it! *my eyes start contorting* Oh, oh, don't you hear it?!
A few other customers in the corner had also witnessed the scene. They look at Mr. Krabs like he's crazy, while one of them blinks.
Mr. Krabs: Yes, I did it! I did it! I took the boots! They're here, under the floorboards! *sobs* Oh, please, make it stop! It's the squeaking of the hideous boots! *throws myself onto the floor and bawls* I'm sorry! But I can't take the infernal squeakin' no more! *lifts up the Krusty Krab and grabs the boots, with everyone screaming inside*
He then walks into the kitchen with an evil expression on his face and puts the boots into a vat of grease, which shrinks them, and he eats them. After that, he opens the door to the dining room, and lets out a long burp.
Mr. Krabs: The deed is done.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Umm, why did you eat my boots, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: Because, lads, you didn't need 'em. It's not the boots, it's the boot-ee. I mean, uh, the person... in the boots. You're a great fry cook.
SpongeBob SquarePants: You really think so, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: I do, son. *hands SpongeBob and Lincoln a stack of money* Here's the paycheck I owe you. *puts another stack of money on top of the first stack* Plus a bonus! *takes the second stack of money* Well, here's your paycheck anyway. *walks away* I need a vacation.
SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: Bye, Mr. Krabs!
Screen fades to Mr. Krabs, Pearl and Human Teenage Fashion Girls taking a drive out to somewhere, with a camper behind their car.
Mr. Krabs: Ah, a long week away from Bikini Bottom and Royal Woods are exactly what I need, just me and my darling daughter Pearl.
Pearl Krabs: *lifts my feet over the side of the door to reveal my new shoes* Don't forget my new flipper slippers, Daddy!
Human Teenage Fashion Girl #1: And I got my new boots!
Mr. Krabs: Darling, I won't.
As he laughs.
Mr. Krabs: *hiccups and the squeaky noise comes out* Oh, no. *continues to hiccup and squeak
As they drive off into the distance. Screen fades in black and it says "THE END". Episode ends.
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