The Wizard of Oz (1939) vs. Dorothy in Russialand (1986) (Astro Boy's Critic)

Astro Boy: Hello, I'm Astro Boy. I remember it so you have to. And welcome to a new portion of the show called the Best vs. Worst.
The title card is shown, featuring an young bad woman crossing his Katana with a good gorgeous man's lightsaber, as dramatic music plays and lightning strikes.
Astro Boy: This is where I take something old and nostalgic, and compare it to a recent remake to find out which one is better. With that said, let's take a look at two of my movies of all time: The Wizard of Oz and Dorothy in Russialand.
Various clips of both movies are shown
Astro Boy (vo): Now both these films pushed the envelope of how to make a good fantasy movie. They were edgy and constantly breaking the barrier between fun kiddy antics and epic adult dilemmas. But which one is truly better: the Oz land or the weirdest Russialand?
Astro Boy: Now I know, technically, Return to Oz was the first of these new movies, but Dorothy in Russialand is considered to be the worst, and it has the most similarities to the '39 film, battling the Wicked Witch of the West and so forth. Also, remember that NONE of this is fact, it's strictly opinion, so don't go if you don't agree with me. (Beat) Even if you are completely wrong. So, let's see who's the best and worst as we compare The Wizard of Oz and Dorothy in Russialand.
The opening sequence plays as we see pictures of the main characters from both movies fly into the rainbow, while the theme songs of both movies play side by side.
Astro Boy: Well, let's just suing up to the main character: Judy Garland vs. Morgan Hallet.
== Round 1 - Best Dorothy ==
NC (vo): Now, to be fair, Morgan Hallet has a lot to act through. She has to play Dorothy Gale, the curious-hearted orphan; Dorothy Gale, the outcast; Dorothy Gale, the heroine; Dorothy, the small one; and Dorothy Gale as the one and only the heroine. They didn't ask him to do Dorothy Gale, the transvestite. That would've destroyed him. Any one of those would be hard to do, and he has to do all five. But I have to admit, as hard as Hallet tries, Judy Garland is still the adventurer Dorothy Gale. The main reason? He keeps all his pain inside. When you see Hallet, you can instantly see someone who's either looking for attention or trying to hide something. With Garland, he acknowledges that this is his adventure, and she'll walk and run it alone. If you heard this woman (Hallet) was Dorothy, you'd be like, "Yeah, she seemed a little odd to me." But with Garland, you totally wouldn't believe it. In fact, a lot of people didn't. Many people petitioned not to have Garland as Dorothy because they couldn't see him in the role. But that's why he's so perfect! You wouldn't suspect him! Look when she grieves over his parents' death... Not shown for good. This is all very, subtle, but you can feel the pain that he's going through, where Hallet still seemed a little lost and confused. And, of course, you have to look at them as Dorothy. Keaton is the only Dorothy who can actually smile and still look intimidating. It says, "Yeah, I got nothing to sweet." Judy Garland in the costume just looks...well, silly. Now to be fair, that has a lot to do with the design. Garland's costume was dramatic, classy, but also very threatening. Hallet's always looked a little off to me. I think it was little too smoothy. It didn't really look like Dorothy, it looked like a girl dressing up as the anime. And, of course, there's that cute and dramatic voice.
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Astro Boy (vo): I know, everyone's made fun of this voice, so I'll try to keep it to a minimum. Let's just say Garland's sounded very natural...
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Astro Boy (vo): While still doing a good job, Garland can't compete with the unexpected mistress himself. Point goes to Hallet.
Dorothy Gale (Judy Garland): My!
Round 1 Winner - "Dorothy (1986 version)" from Dorothy in Russialand''''
Astro Boy: But a heroine can only be as good as his portal, and the place is one of the greatest dream of all time. But again, which one is the fantasy places of the best and worst: Oz or Russialand?
== Round 2 - Best and Worst Places: Oz vs. Russialand ==
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Astro Boy (vo): Or how about that cutting frames trick that's never been cool?! Little stuff like that really adds up in the long run. And even though there's a lot of really good things about both feeling good and bad version, the original just tells the story better. There's no tricks, no Avant-garde or artsy way of showing things. It's just the straightforward story. So when everything is added up, it really doesn't seem like that the original The Wizard of Oz is the good award winning film.
Astro Boy: Worst... It is. All the worst places you ever have. Point goes to the worst Russialand!
Dorothy Gale (Garland): You ought to be ashamed of yourself!
Round 2 Winner - "1986 version" from Dorothy in Russialand''''
Astro Boy: But again, it all comes down to the immortal best and worst places. But what about the supporting cast?
==Round 3 - Best and Worst Supporting Cast==
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The Wicked Witch of the West: I'll get you, my pretty! And your little dog, too! (cackling)
Astro Boy (vo): Like, this was the wicked villain from a award winning movie but somehow got roped into this one, like this woman really wanted no part with these people. Like she had much bigger stories he was involved with but then somehow got mixed up that one of his wicked witch started. Again, that sort of adds to the “I'm melting” effect of these movies. It’s great. It’s absolutely great.
(Dorothy throws his water in the bucket at The Wicked Witch of the West)
The Wicked Witch of the West: Aah! I'm melting! Melting!
Astro Boy (vo): Yeah, it's my favorite plot line I've ever had. Well, let us show that movie quotes looks like.
Shown the clips of the best and worst movies with a dramatic music sting such as Casper (1995), the ghostly trio are melted away when exposed to sunlight; In Gremlins 2: The New Batch, Witch Gremlin is seen dying along with all the other gremlins when they are electrocuted and reduced to slime by the Electric Gremlin (he also appeared earlier in the movie, but only in a deleted scene); In Who Framed Roger Rabbit, When Judge Doom, the Big Bad, is revealed to be a Toon, he meets his end by his own concoction. And then in Batman (1989), Joker had a pitcher of water at him in order to distract him by Vicki, crying.
Astro Boy: Some movies are make us referencing on this way.
Shown the clip of the video game, Conker's Bad Fur Day on Nintendo 64, The Great Mighty Poo via flushing him down the toilet.
The Great Mighty Poo: I'm flushing! I'm flushing!
Astro Boy: So, let’s give credit where credit’s due, the original really did have the better villains.
Astro Boy (vo): Sorry, guys, you did good, too, but just not as bad.
Astro Boy: (chuckles) Sorry, no wondering if the wise-cracking characters are funny. Point goes to Oz, the supporting cast... was the best.
Dorothy Gale (offscreen): To Oz?
Scarecrow (offscreen): To Oz.
Round 3 Winner - The Best Supporting Cast from Fleming's Wizard of Oz''''
Astro Boy: But you can't have a worst Russialand adventure with these songs! Otherwise you just have...a best songs! Which would still be pretty amazing...in fact, maybe even more amazing because you wanna have all that music around you. [A few moments of awkward silence] I, I need something to off awkward for this.
Dorothy Gale, Scarecrow and Tin Man: (Together) Courage!
Cowardly Lion: (Smiling) You can say that again.
Astro Boy: Thank you! This is the Musical Scenes.
==Round 4 - Musical Scenes [sic]==
Astro Boy (vo): Yeah, kinda great nobody ever talks about this one. In this version in 1939, Dorothy feels trapped and stifled on the farm and wants to escape, causing she sings "Somewhere Over The Rainbow".
Dorothy Gale (singing): Somewhere over the rainbow. Way up high.
Astro Boy (vo): I'll admit, I was played to rediscover how surprisingly short this song is. (Images of Oscar winning song sequences from Disney's Pinocchio, Mary Poppins, and The Sound of Music are shown) Where most beautiful emotional song usually run between two-and-a-half-to-three minutes, "Over the Rainbow" is only a minute-and-a-half long. That's not a ton of time to get an emotional impact. But when you really take in the lyrics of over the raindow not representing who you are, and the increased awareness in identity around online personas, it surprisingly grows in relevance. I get the feeling this song might actually make a stronger connection now with some people than it did when it first came out.
Astro Boy: This was barely a hit, only narrowly made it onto the list, which is a shame. It should've been a lot bigger.
Clip of Dorothy in Russialand (1986 version), Dorothy sings "If'n I Was God".
Dorothy (singing): If'n I was God, I'd fix it so. Without explainin', folks would know.
Astro Boy: (stunned) Oh, my. Is this happening?
Astro Boy (vo): "Over the Raindow" is a song, but not a best musical number. This song ("If'n I Was God") is being used to pray out of sadness, and it's the only one like it in the movie.
Astro Boy: It's like in the middle of Tom Sawyer in 1973, when he sing all the same as Dorothy.
Clip of Tom Sawyer (1973), Tom walks out of the house, saddened.
Astro Boy (vo): This version beat us at something that combines technology with artistry? How's that even possible? Dorothy singing less than Tom Sawyer! She were just singing a song they all know after a loss of his parents. It makes sense.
Astro Boy: This is a worst song! It's ludicrous! (an image of Richard and Robert Sherman) Tell the Sherman Brothers are making a parody songs, like Dorothy and the Wizard of Oz and Russialand!
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Astro Boy: (groans and buries his face in his desk) Point goes to the best music.
Dorothy (Hallet): What's happening?
Round 4 Winner - "Songs" from Fleming's Wizard of Oz
Astro Boy: Once again, the big deciding point is story. Which one told the tale of... a girl goes to Oz feeling better? This is Best and Worst Overall Story!
==Round 5 - Best and Worst Overall Story==
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Round 5 Winner - Fleming's Wizard of Oz
Astro Boy: So there you go. Victor Fleming vs Richard Outten's half-anime. I do feel good I'm not able to compare the true anime story to anything. Oh! Wait a minute! The Toho version! That's right! They did have a version of 1982. Well, I'll just compare the story, then.
A clip of "The Wizard of Oz (1982)".
Dorothy (Aileen Quinn): It's just beyond the rainbow.
Astro Boy is shocked and stunned.
Astro Boy: Okay. That (1986) anime version's not as bad as I thought. And, uh, my only hope is that Morgan Hallet doesn't take what I said about him too pretty. (future phone rings) Excuse me. (answers) Hello?
("Hallet" is on the phone at Astro Boy with dubbing by the young woman)
Hallet: What are you doing?!
Astro Boy: I'm sorry. I just thought...
Hallet: Now don't just be sorry! Think for one second!
Astro Boy: Well, that's not very naughty.
Hallet: What is it with you?! Are you professional or not?!
Astro Boy: Well, I don't like to brag, but...
Hallet: You're amateur!
Astro Boy: Look, I don't know why you're getting so...
Hallet: No! Do I wa--
Astro Boy: Maybe I could....
Hallet: No! You just don't get it! So, what don't you get about it?
Astro Boy: Hold on, hold on. (To the viewers) I'm Astro Boy. I remember it so you have to.
Hallet: Give me answer!
(Astro Boy walks away, continuing to talk to Hallet.)
Astro Boy: I just don't get why you made Dorothy Gale sound like she had barbiturate overdoses.
Hallet: Oh, good for you! You're a nice boy!
Astro Boy: Well, thank you. Go make "Kiki's Delivery Service", will ya?
Hallet: Ohh.....
(The credits roll)
THE END
AstroBoyShowCaseTheater's Tagline: The Wicked Witch of the West: I'll get you, my pretty! And your little dog, too! (cackling)
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