True Toiletry

True Toiletry is the thirteenth episode of Season One in Bikini Bottom Jenkins.
==Synopsis==
Deciding that the Krusty Krab finally needs a third employee, Mr. Krabs enlists Old Man Jenkins as the janitor. However, the old man quickly gets tired of his job and flushes himself down the toilet. 
==Transcript==
(The episode begins at the Krusty Krab, where Squidward is dragging a rusty wagon along the ground)
Squidward: Ugh, Krabs, do I really have to do this on my own? I'm sure SpongeBob would be willing to help.
SpongeBob: (flipping a patty) Too busy with my main job, Squidward!
Customer: Hey, we've been waiting here for five minutes! Can you hurry along?
Squidward: I'm not even supposed to be doing all this stupid wagon work. Boss Krabs is too cheap to get a third employee for all this other work.
(Mr. Krabs pops out of his office)
Krabs: Too cheap, eh? I am most certainly not!
(He quickly polishes a penny he is holding before sheepishly putting it back in his pocket)
Krabs: In fact, I'll start hiring a new employee right now!
Squidward: Oh yeah, sure, I believe you.
Krabs: No need for sarcasm, Squidward. Look.
(Mr. Krabs’ eyes line up with a customer eating a patty, who just happens to be Old Man Jenkins)
Jenkins: Why are ya looking at me like that?
Krabs: Jenkins! I’m sure you don’t have a job to do, right?
Jenkins: I’m retired, you bozo!
Krabs: GREAT! Now get to work!
(Krabs shoves a mop into Jenkins’ crotch, which causes him to wallow on the floor in pain)
Krabs: I think me aim is off. Now that we have a new employee, I can get… one more employee’s worth of work done each day!
Jenkins: (getting up) You mean I work here now? I didn’t sign up for this!
Krabs: Sure you did.
(Krabs pulls out a contract with Jenkins’ signature on it)
Jenkins: I never signed that!
Krabs: Sure you did.
(Flashback to three years ago, where Jenkins is out cold on a customer table. Krabs puts a pen in Jenkins’ hand and forces him to sign a contract in his sleep)
Jenkins: No, no, get away from me Bessie, noooooo!
(He finishes signing the contract and goes back to snoring. End of flashback)
Jenkins: What the (dolphin chirp) is wrong with you! I’ll sue!
Krabs: Look, if you do at least a week’s worth of work, we can forget this ever happened, okay? 
Jenkins: (angry sigh) Okay then… So what am I supposed to do now?
Krabs: (points to the mop he’s holding) Talk to the mop. (walks away) Good luck, Janitor Jenkins!
(Jenkins grumbles as he begins mopping the floorboards. Squidward laughs at him)
Squidward: Ha! Finally someone has to share the suffering with me.
Jenkins: I don’t know why yer laughin’. We did this stuff all the time as kids.
Squidward: Isn’t that child labor?
Jenkins: Yeah, but it’s good for your health.
Squidward: Think about what you just said there for a moment.
Jenkins: (thinks a moment) I don’t see what’s wrong here.
Squidward: (opens his House Fancy magazine) Whatever.
(Squidward starts giggling)
Squidward: Heheh, the square and triangle that make up the house. Classic.
Jenkins: Well, Jenkins, I’m sure everything will be fine and dandy. You’re old, time goes by faster as you get older, so this’ll be nothing.
(Four hours later, Jenkins’ eyes have turned completely bloodshot and his left shoe is gone)
Jenkins: I was so hungry I ate my left shoe. (his stomach rumbles) And I’m still hungry! This place is ruthless, even for me! I’m outta here.
Squidward: Toilets are in the bathroom on the right.
Jenkins: You realize there’s two doors I can exit out of, right?
Squidward: Try leaving out the double doors and see what happens.
Jenkins: Challenge accepted.
(Jenkins tries to exit through the two front doors and Krabs immediately teleports in front of him)
Krabs: WHAT IN THE TARNATION ARE YE DOING?! Get back to work!
Jenkins: How did ya-
Krabs: DON’T ASK QUESTIONS! WORK!
(Krabs disappears back into his office in a split second, leaving Jenkins dumbfounded)
Squidward: See? That’s what happens.
Jenkins: Yeah I’m never doin’ that again.
Squidward: Again, bathroom’s on the right.
Jenkins: (sigh) Well I guess I have no choice.
(Jenkins drops his mop and goes into the restroom. He enters a stall and hesitantly flushes himself down the toilet, entering some pipelines)
Jenkins: Wow, I didn’t even know I could fit in one a those. The more ya know.
(Jenkins ends up in the underground sewers on the other end of the pipelines)
Jenkins: Guess I can cross this off my bucket list. This place is dirtier than a sea mule!
(A sea mule bleats right in front of him)
Jenkins: Yeah yeah, no need to rub it in.
(The sea mule bleats again, this time in distress)
Jenkins: I said, no need to rub it in-
(A giant flood of sewer water comes towards Jenkins)
Jenkins: Oh Neptune.
(The sewer water catches Jenkins in the tidal wave, and he ends up getting pushed into a faraway wall in the sewer system)
Jenkins: I think I have a concussion. Well then. I’ll just shake it off.
(He then hears a hissing sound nearby)
Jenkins: Huh?
(The camera zooms out to reveal that a sewer snake has appeared directly behind him. A video game boss bar appears on-screen)
Jenkins: What’s this fancy bar for? Does it mean something important?
Snake: HISSSSSS
Jenkins: Back off, snake! I know… actually I don’t know karate.
(The sewer snake slithers closer as Jenkins starts running away from it)
Jenkins: I actually don’t know what to do! I’ve never fought a giant snake in the sewers before! Then again, I bet nobody has.
(Cut back to the Krusty Krab)
SpongeBob: Hey Squidward, remember when we fought that giant sewer snake some time ago?
Squidward: Yeah, I guess.
SpongeBob: We were so cool and everything. It was awesome!
Squidward: (flips another page in his magazine) Uh huh. Oh hey, it’s the tree from House Fancy!
SpongeBob: I will never understand your obsession with House Fancy, Squidward.
(Cut back to Jenkins in the sewers, who is still running away from the snake, hopping from platform to platform)
Jenkins: Why do they need platforms in a ‘’sewer’’? It’s a gosh darn sewer-!
(He hears the ground shake, and a giant rat emerges from the ground of the sewer)
Jenkins: Great, now there’s a snake ‘’and’’ a rat coming after me. It’s finally the end, I can tell.
(The snake then spots the rat that has emerged from the ground, and hisses at it. The rat squeaks, and tries to burrow away, but the snake catches it in its mouth just in time to scarf it whole)
Jenkins: Ah, the classic cycle of life. Farewell snake, but I have a life to live. Does this hole still work?
(Jenkins enters the hole)
Jenkins: Huh, guess it does.
(A staircase is shown, and Jenkins goes down it, and sees a random door in the middle of it)
Jenkins: What the-?
(He opens the door to reveal a family of moles living in the room)
Mole mother: What in the dirt is going on here?!
Mole son: Mommy, what’s happening?
Mole daughter: Mommy, you said you’d play tea party with me ‘’now’’!
Mole mother: Not now, daughter, an intruder- I mean, a nice old man has shown up at our door.
Mole daughter: Ooh, can I meet him?
Mole mother: What did I say about talking with strangers?
Jenkins: Um, excuse me, pardon me, I didn’t know you people lived in here. I just saw the door and-
Mole mother: Get out of our house, hooligan!
Jenkins: Oh, I’m sorry-
(The mole mother slams the door shut while Jenkins’ hands are still near the door, and his hands fall off. Jenkins screams, and they pop back onto his body)
Jenkins: I will never forget this moment. And I don’t mean that in a good way. How I be having them close time if I can’t? Wait, what did I just say? (shakes head) Oh forget it.
(Jenkins starts wandering around the sewer to look for an exit, when he sees a pair of snake’s eyes)
Jenkins: Oh no.
(The snake reemerges and wildly hisses at the old man)
Jenkins: RUN!
(A chase sequence occurs, where Jenkins hops from platform to platform to escape the sewer snake)
Jenkins: Whoever put these platforms here needs to be fired.
(The snake tries to catch him, but hits its head on a platform, stunning it)
Jenkins: Ha, take that, smelly reptile! I’m outta here!
(Up ahead, Jenkins finally sees a light at the end of the tunnel… literally. He quickly hops up and climbs up to the surface, where he lifts the manhole cover to reveal he is right in front of the Krusty Krab)
Jenkins: Dang it. Welp, time to go back home to my humble abode.
(The manhole cover starts to stretch upwards as something attempts to escape from the sewers. It succeeds, and the manhole cover flies right onto a passersby)
Fred: My head!
Jenkins: Never change, Fred, never change.
Snake: PREPARE TO- HISSSSS!
Jenkins: Looks like someone finally took some English classes.
Snake: Die. Anyway, it’s time for your impending doom!
Jenkins: Well, I guess this is how I end. (starts running) Engulfed by a ravenous sewer snake. I can’t believe I’m saying this right now, but I’m going back to the Krusty Krab.
(Jenkins quickly goes through the Krusty Krab doors and quickly slams them shut, right before the snake can get to him)
Snake: OH YOU LITTLE (dolphin chirp)!
Jenkins: Whoa, colorful language. I like it.
Krabs: What the devil is going on here? Why weren’t you at work?
Jenkins: Well…
Snake: I WILL FIND YOU. AND I WILL KILL YOU.
Jenkins: That.
Krabs: Well then. First of all, you’re fired.
Jenkins: Cool, cool. But that doesn’t help the fact that there’s a SEWER SNAKE READY TO KILL ME!
Krabs: Stand back, old timer. I’ve been in the navy before, surely this can’t be ‘’that’’ hard.
(One measly attempt at a fight later…)
(Krabs is severely injured and in literal pieces on the ground)
Krabs: Well… we’re toast.
SpongeBob: But Mr. Krabs, we don’t even make toast!
Krabs: I mean that in a metaphorical sense.
Squidward: (still reading House Fancy) The bird from House Fancy sure is a card, isn’t he?
Krabs: (swiping Squidward’s comic out of his face) MISTER SQUIDWARD! We’re about to die! …can you help us?
Squidward: Try again later, I’m busy. (continues reading his magazine)
SpongeBob: Wait, what’s going on again?
Krabs: Are your ears dead, me boy? A sewer snake is about to kill us!
SpongeBob: Sewer snake, eh? I’ve bested one before.
(The snake then manages to break through the front doors, and roars)
SpongeBob: Nuh-uh-huh, the snake goes: HISS!
Snake: HISS!
SpongeBob: Much better.
(The snake then swallows SpongeBob whole)
Krabs: SpongeBob!
Squidward: Huh?
(Inside the snake, SpongeBob is panicking)
SpongeBob: Okay, SpongeBob, you’ve fought a snake before, you can do this. Oh, but I can’t! I really can’t!
(SpongeBob starts running in circles, screaming)
Krabs: He’s toast.
Squidward: He’ll get out of it somehow.
(SpongeBob continues screaming)
Krabs: Are you sure?
Squidward: …yes.
(SpongeBob is still running around inside the snake)
SpongeBob: Oh, this is hopeless! I’m actually going to die young!
Snake: HEY! STOP RUNNING! I THINK I’M GONNA- HISS
(The snake starts gagging, then pukes out SpongeBob)
Snake: Stupid reflex- HISSSSS
SpongeBob: Thank Neptune I’m still alive.
Jenkins: Well I’m outta here. Thanks for nothing, y’all.
(Jenkins vanishes)
Krabs: That guy is a mystery to me sometimes.
Squidward: (checks watch) Aaand it’s closing time. Well see you losers tomorrow.
SpongeBob: Bye Squidward!
French Narrator: And goodbye, viewer of this very episode. We will see you in the next one.
Squidward: …I’m not even going to ask.
(end)
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