Aghast

== AGHAST	==
=== By Ravi Ranjan Goswami ===
Published in Hyderabad Times Magazine 2009
He was a middle aged man. He was talking with the Panwala (Betel leaf vendor). I was standing there waiting for my bus. I was there in Delhi in connection with an interview for a job. After appearing for the interview in an office nearby I was waiting for a bus to go to the New Delhi railway station. The betel leaf shop owner appeared to be acquainted with him. My attention was drawn to him for his secretive way of talking to the Panwala and the queer way of looking towards me while talking. There was a look of fear in his eyes. He was talking about fear only.
Perhaps it was not prudent to take an interest in a stranger in an unknown place but I could not help it. I started to watch him.
Suddenly we had an eye contact. He came a bit closer to me and started talking with me.
He said, ”brother, I am too much afraid 
I was pretty surprised by that.
He further spoke, ”What will happen next?”
I asked him about what was that he was afraid of. I jokingly asked him if he was afraid of death
He replied” Better if I die”. I think too much, but cannot find an answer. “What will happen to my life?” Having said that, he turned serious.
He remained silent for a while, then suddenly spoke to me, “Sir, can you help me?”
I turned cautious and apprehensive of him. I doubted that he wanted to exact some money from me. Still, I asked him “how can I help you?”
“Will you come with me to my house?”was his next question.
I doubted his intentions, but my curiosity about him increased.
By his appearance, neither he was looking insane nor a crook.
I asked him” why do you want to take me home?
“My soul is telling me that you can help me” he replied.
I started thinking. I had feelings of curiosity, apprehension, fear and compassion. Finally, curiosity won me over. I decided to follow him.
On the way to his residence I talked to him and gathered some information about him. His name was Harendar. He was working as a clerk in a state government department. He had one daughter named Pummy and three sons Bunty, Chhotu and Monu.
While walking along with him I was cogitating about the situation, which I might be facing on reaching his home. How was I going to be received there?
I did not have much time to think about it.. His house was not really far. Within five to seven minutes we reached there.
We found the doors of his house open. For a moment, I hesitated to enter his house. He first went inside and asked me, "please come in." I entered there. That was his drawing room. His three sons were sitting there watching television, which was placed in a corner. His three sons were close to about fifteen, ten and seven years of age. On seeing me, they said, “Namaste with folded hands." I responded in the same way. The two younger boys went inside. The eldest son went on to view TV.
Harendar made me sit in a chair away from the TV and dragged a chair, placing it opposite me and sat in that chair facing me. I looked all around the room. The room was not large, but was neat and comfortable. The Room’s walls were adorned with the calendars and photos of various gods, goddesses and hermits. There were two windows opening towards the road in front of the house. There were no curtains at the front door and windows. There was a door backside opening into the inner portion of the house. This door had a curtain. Above this door there hung a pendulum wall clock.
He was sitting quietly. His head was down, and he was looking at his palms.
Suddenly he jumped off his chair. Looking at the wall clock he asked his son “has Pummy come?”. Son answered in the negative.
He looked very concerned and worried. He uttered” She should have come by now”.
He became restless. He stood up from the chair, went to the door, looked outside and came back to the chair.
I was feeling awkward there. I was unable to justify my being there in his house for whatever cause. Furthermore, there was no strong reason of my being there except that the long period of my unemployment has given me a sense of being in a state of permanent leisure. I had nothing urgent to do and nowhere to reach. I was a free man. He produced a suspense by his unusual demeanor and talk, and I accompanied him there.
“What do you think? Can the government catch the terrorists?” He asked me.
Before I could say anything he started speaking” Nothing can be done sir. They come like apparitions, put bombs anywhere and escape. They appear from nowhere, shower bullets and disappear. I have witnessed with my own eyes charred dead bodies of two young children following a bomb explosion at a nearby bus stop.”
“Bunty! Where are Chhotu and Monu?”He asked Bunty his eldest son where was his two younger sons then.
“They are inside with mummy (Mom)?” Bunty replied without looking away from the TV screen.
He heaved a sigh of relief.
After a few moments, he again looked agitated. He looked towards me and asked,” Will rapists get the death sentence?”
A few days ago, four boys had brutally raped and tortured a young girl in a moving bus and thrown her out of the bus after committing the heinous crime. Later, the girl died in a hospital. The whole nation was shocked and agitated. People were agitating and demanding capital punishment for those rapists.
I was about to speak, just then a girl of about 18 years of age entered the room from the front door. She was Pummy his daughter.
She hesitated for a moment, seeing me, a stranger there, then crossed me to go inside. Before she could go inside Harendra asked her” Why are you late Pummy?”
She started explaining," papa! A few days ago dead body of a girl student of my university was found behind a boys’ hostel. There was a suspicion of murder. No one has been arrested so far. So university students were agitating against the inaction of the police. They blocked the road through which my bus runs. The Bus, in which I came had to alter the route so it got late.
When she was telling the reason of her late coming, I was noticing the changing expressions on her face. She was a beautiful dusky girl with sharp features. She looked tired, but her eyes were alert and watchful. While talking to her father, she had been scrutinizing me too with her side glances.
After telling the reason of her late coming, she went inside.
After she had gone inside I looked at Harendra. He was looking in my direction, but his eyes looked focused on some distant object beyond me. Until then, he did not introduce me to any of his family members. I too did not bother about it. We were strangers only.
Suddenly, he addressed his son Bunty,” Bunty tell your mom to send two cups of tea.”
Bunty seemingly felt disturbed. He reluctantly got up and lazily went inside.
More than half an hour had elapsed since I reached there. I had a feeling that Harendra wanted to tell me something but was unable to express.
Bunty delivered two cups of tea to us and disappeared inside. The TV was on. Harendar switched that off.
Now only we were there in the room. We were sipping tea, talking. I again started thinking about my status in his house. I felt like an intruder there.
“Swamiji” he addressed keeping his cup of tea on the table after his last sip.
The way he addressed this time surprised me, but I did not say anything.
He further spoke” last night I had a dream, which I want to tell you please.”
“Please tell” I said. Tea had made me a bit relaxed.
He started narrating his dream. He said, ”I saw four ferocious men chasing me with big naked swords in their hands to kill me, and I was running to escape from them. Thus, running crazily I entered into a blind lane. I turned back and saw those men entering the lane waving their swords. I was trapped there. I felt that I had no chance to escape. Death seemed imminent and inescapable. I closed my eyes and waited for them to attack me. But……….”
He paused and looked into my eyes, perhaps to see my reaction. I asked him “but what?”
He further narrated,” I waited for them to attack me, but after some time when nothing happened, I opened my eyes. Those men were nowhere there. I was not in the lane. I was sitting in a big field in a circle formed by Rudraksh beads. I looked around me. I saw a young yogi in a saffron dress standing behind me. He smiled and told me that he had saved me as I was innocent. He also told me that he would meet me again, and he disappeared. After he disappeared, I again remembered those ferocious men and started shivering with fear and then only my sleep was broken.”After telling about his dream, he became quiet and went into a brooding mood.
I was wondering at his memory of a dream. His account of his dream seemed to me as if from some mythological film. I could not recollect if ever I could remember any of my dreams so vividly, and in such detail as he had told.
Again, my attention was drawn to him. His eyes were focused on my neck. I recalled that I was wearing two Rudraksh beads with the help of a black thread around my neck. I wore these to appease my grandmother. She brought these beads from Haridwar, a holy city for Hindus near Himalaya. She requested me to wear this. She believed that wearing Rudraksh would help me in keeping excellent health and landing in a decent job too. I did not want to disappoint her, so I put them on.
Suddenly, it occurred to me, and I was afraid that by any chance that man was trying to identify me his savior as seen in his dream. I looked at him.
I found him gazing at me.
Then he asked me,” What do you think about me?”
I thought that he got imbalanced and carried away because of his over sensitive nature and anxiety. I felt like comforting him.
I told him in a soothing tone,” you look very sensitive. Dreams are just dreams. All have nightmares sometimes. Still, if it disturbs you much you could consult a doctor.”By a doctor, I meant a psychiatrist, but I avoided this term, lest he should think that I doubted his sanity. I had read somewhere that bad dreams could result from physical and mental causes. 
I was sympathetic toward him, but I did not know how I could help him. Moreover, I had to return to my place by an afternoon train.
I said to him,” Sir, do not worry too much. All will be fine. Now allow me to leave.” 
To my dismay, he grabbed my hands and started crying. He cried aloud like a child. While crying, he uttered” All are angry with me and leaving me. Even my guru has discarded me”
This was a new revelation to me that he had a Guru. He had not mentioned about his guru till then. I wondered that why he did not go to his Guru for advice when he needed it.
I had no personal Guru but I had always felt a sort of attraction towards them. I always thought that there must be something special in them that they are able to draw thousands of followers. I was more respectful towards the followers of these gurus as I believed those were the innocent and pure hearted people, who could have such faith as to surrender to their gurus. I found followers of a guru always talking high of their guru with great respect.
As he wept loudly a fair and thin middle aged woman came rushing into the room from inside. I understood that she was his wife. He looked at me questioningly. I wished her Namaste. She responded by saying Namaste and sat down on a stool kept near a window. Harendra became quiet.
“Are you working in his office,” she asked me. I said “no.”
I decided to tell her about myself, I told her the whole story of my chance meeting with him and coming to that house on his request. I told that I felt sympathy for him. As well, I apologized for my mistake if any. She did not seem to mind my presence there.
I went on to say,” He just now mentioned about his guru.”
On hearing this her facial expression changed. She looked very angry. She said scornfully,” He is not a guru, but a fake swami, thug. I do not know what spell he has cast on my husband that he has always been dancing to his tune. I never went to that guru and never allowed my children to go to him. His ashram is not very far. He has been exploiting my husband for a long time. Now we have become financially weak, so He has told my husband not to come to the ashram as he was no more a true follower of him. My husband does not see his ill intentions.”
She had ignored the fact that I was a stranger. She talked to me in a way as to a family friend.
Then she said to me,” your family members will be waiting for you. Do not bother, he will be fine. Thanks a lot.”
Harendar was sitting quiet head down.
I patted his shoulders, said Namaste to his wife and came out of their house.
I rushed to the nearby bus stop. A bus had just arrived there. I hurriedly climbed the bus without seeing its destination. I found a vacant seat and sat down there. I was thinking that how much disturb the negative atmosphere of the society can make a man like Harendra. I prayed for his well being in my heart.
After travelling for a few minutes I realized that the bus was not the right bus for me, Next stop I got down that bus to catch a right bus for me.
Category:Goswami
Category:Hyderabad Times
Category:Published