Co-Dependent's Day/Quotes

:Lisa: Dad, I still have a couple of questions about this. Mom never drives drunk, and the crash was in your car. Also the driver's seat was adjusted for your stomach.
:Homer: Lisa, Lisa your suspicions are important to me and will be answered in the order received.
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:Homer: I'm in no condition to drive. Wait! I shouldn't listen to myself! I'm drunk!
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:Otto: I didn't know British coal miners had it so bad! There's blood on your hands, Mrs. Thatcher!
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:Homer: When I feel weak I'll draw strength from the Bible. (opens the bible and starts drinking; his stomach rumbles) Uh-oh, here comes the Gospel according to puke!
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:Marge: Oh no, I'm gonna be incarcer--(hiccups), incarcer--(hiccups), I'm going to jail.
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:(While Homer is on the phone with the rehab clinic)
:Homer: I can't talk to my wife for 28 days. Sir, she is not an alcoholic. You can't put me on hold, I'll put you on hold. (singing) I am a lineman for the county. (speaking) Your call is important to us. Please continue to hold. (singing) And I drive the main road. (speaking) There are…eight calls ahead of you. (singing) And the Wichita lineman is still on the li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-line.
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:Homer: (bout his book-box Bible that holds liquor) No wonder they call it the Good Book.
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:Homer: OK, OK. Remember rules for drinking and driving. Drive slow, but not too slow. Drink some cola to keep yourself alert. (cola suddenly spills on the car ceiling) What the...? (except his car had landed upside-down on the ground and gets out) Oh! Nice work, cruise control.
:Marge: Are we home yet?
:Homer: In a minute, honey. (gasps as he sees police cars approching) Oh my God! If I get one more DUI, they'll take my license! And what will I leave if I rent rollerblades?
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:Bart: We're gonna have to track Randall Curtis down and make him listen to us.
:Homer: And I know just where to find him! (He picks up the envelope and reads it.) 742 Evergreen Terrace.
:Lisa: Dad, that's our address.
:Homer: (Screams) He's in the house?!