Dis is teh polar express

Conductor: Well, you coming?
Boy: Where?
Conductor: Why to the North Pole, of course! This is the Polar Express!
Boy: The North Pole?
Conductor: Tsk... I see. *shows clipboard* Is this you?
Boy: Are you a stalker?
Conductor: Wha... no I'm not a stalker, I just happen to have a profile of every single person on this continent, it's no big deal.
Boy: How do I know this train isn't going to take me to your house where you can commit unspeakable acts of...
Conductor: Look, we are on a very tight schedule, it would really be best if you just got on the trai-
Boy: I'M NOT F***ING GOING ANYWHERE WITH YOU, YOU FAT PIECE OF-
Conductor: WOAH WOAH WOAH let's get back on the same page here! You... are going to get on this train, it's gonna go through the town, then it's gonna go up and down scientifically inaccurate sloped mountain tracks, across a frozen lake that can hold a train but cracks if you hit it with a tiny pin, then you're gonna get to the North Pole, you're gonna meet Santa Claus, you get a bell-
Boy: A BELL?!!!
Conductor: WOULD YOU STOP INTERUPPTING ME YOU LITTLE SON OF A B**** YOU'RE GONNA GET ON THIS TRAIN, YOU'RE GONNA TALK TO A HOBO...
Boy: I'm just gonna stop you right there because I'm not going to do anything like that! 
Conductor: YOU CAN'T JUST NOT GET ON THE TRAIN YOU LITTLE SMARTA**
Boy: YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT NO ONE ON THIS TRAIN HAD THE HALF BRAIN NEEDED TO F***ING SAY THE WORD NO, YOU FAT TALL MOUSTACHED BALD SKINNY-
Conductor: YOU F***ING JUST CONTRADICTED YOUR SELF IN ONE SENTENCE YOU SH*TTY BATHROBE WEARING LITTLE C***!!! EVERYONE ALWAYS SAYS NO AT FIRST BUT ONCE THE TRAIN STARTS F***ING MOVING THEY ALWAYS HOP ON AT THE LAST MINUTE AND I DON'T EVEN F***ING SCOLD THEM EVEN THOUGH THAT GOES AGAINST EVERYTHING IN THE F***ING RULE BOOK NOW GET ON THE TRAIN YOU SH*TEY LITTLE B****!!!!!
Boy: HOW MANY TIMES ARE YOU GOING TO F***ING INTERRUPT ME YOU GLASSES-WEARING LATERN-HOLDING BANSHEE-SCREAMING C***??!!! I'M NOT GETTING ON THE F***ING TRAIN!!! HOW DID YOU EVEN LAY ALL THESE TRACKS DOWN SO QUICKLY?!!! IS EVERYONE JUST OKAY WITH THE FACT THAT THEY COULD JUST BE CROSSING THE STREET AND GET TAKEN OUT BY A F***ING STEAM-POWERED COAL-BURNING LOCOMOTIVE THAT MADE A WRONG TURN AT FREAKING 1942
Conductor: DON'T YOU DARE BRING MY TRAIN TO THIS OR I'LL F***ING REARRANGE THESE TRACKS TO GO UP YOUR DRIVEWAY SO I CAN FREAKING MURDER YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY, YA LITTLE MIDGET!!!
Boy: I'M GOING TO FREAKING GO RIGHT UP YOUR A** AND OUT YOUR MOUTH UNTIL YOU GET THE F*** AWAY FROM MY HOUSE AND GO PICK UP SOME OTHER SNOT-NOSED PIXIE-D***ED KID THAT WANTS A F***ING BELL FOR CHRISTMAS!!!
Conductor: DO YOU WANT TO GO RIGHT NOW, YOU LITTLE C***???!!!!!!!!
Boy: BRING IT ON, YOU OLD FART I'M GONNA FREAKING RIP YOUR D*** OFF AND CRAM IT DOWN YOUR THROAT UNTIL YOUR SKIN TURNS AS WHITE AS THIS SNOW, YOU SH*THEAD!!!
Conductor: ALRIGHT KID GET OVER HERE SO I CAN F***ING SMASH YOUR FACE IN