Mike Soup/The Soup Baron

"I don't negotiate with assholes."
== Appearance ==
Michael "Mike" Soup appears as an Australian red and white soup can with a medium green fedora. He has thick eyebrows, calm eyes, and wears a constant stoic expression regardless of the situation.
== Biography ==
Mike Soup is a capable space pilot and a veteran of the Chili Wars. He captains the Starship Minestrone, a talking twin-engine ship who he actually loves like a wife.
He generally has a monotone voice, making it hard to tell his feelings. However, he steps forward to offer his help after the wedding was dropped into a volcano, and shows self-sacrifice and nobility in continuing to fight rogue factions of the Chili Empire in the aftermath of the war, despite being a space pariah who would likely receive no thanks nor reward.
=== Space Wars ===
Mike Soup, under the title "the Soup Baron," fought in the Space Wars and ran guns. He was in the Sauce and fought for soups, the eventual winning side. He personally assassinated Space-Pope Chili IX and brought an end to the Space Wars. However, in the process, he blew up a civilian transport and was exiled to the edge of the galaxy because of it. There, he continued to fight the remaining hostile factions of the Chili Empire.
=== Adulthood ===
Mike Soup was present at Maizey and Gebra's wedding. Pam, then crashing the wedding, then revealed that most of the Wedding Guests, except for Rebecca, Dan, Gene, Mike Soup, the Sausage Priest, and Future Brandon, were her own witch holograms. Mike Soup seemed unconcerned at this knowledge. Pam also revealed that the wedding venue was a hologram, and it was actually a rickety bridge suspended over a volcano. However, Maizey, interrupting Pam's speech, convinced the Sausage Priest to marry her and Gebra, even though they were both aware they were holograms. Maizey also got the Risky Fixin's to play a song, "Relish Life". Mike Soup managed to escape the Hawaiian volcano along with Maizey and Gene. The other Wedding Guests perished in the lava.
Mike Soup met Gene and Maizey on the island, and assured them that the events were not non-reversable. He offered to let them come along on the Starship Minestrone in order to head to the Graxilon Quadrant and borrow a Bernoulli Converter from an "old friend" to open a wormhole and go back in time. 
When Gene expressed admiration for the quality of the Starship Minestrone and asked how Mike Soup got it, it was revealed that Mike Soup ran guns in the Space Wars, and that he was in the Sauce. He reprimanded Gene for asking such a rude question, and Gene then asked if Mike Soup was "the" Mike Soup, referring to the Soup Baron. Although Mike Soup assured that he wasn't, it was later revealed that Mike Soup, in fact, was the Soup Baron.
Later, the Starship Minestrone was shot down by Chili Pirates after Mike Soup refused to negotiate with them, and Gene and Mike Soup crash-landed on planet Tomat-0 some distance away from Maizey. The Starship Minestrone was badly beaten up and could not fly, so Mike Soup and Gene decided to look for Maizey themselves. They were then attacked by a Beast-Plupple, from which Garce saved them and introduced himself as an interested third party. Gene and Mike Soup accepted the offer of companionship, but not without Mike Soup giving a warning to the Plupple that "if [Garce did] anything dumb, [he would] kill [him] with [his] hat".
Mike Soup and Gene later lay down to rest, trusting Garce as a lookout, and did not hear Pam searching them out, nor the exchange between Garce and Pam that followed, and so are unaware that Pam has become trapped inside of Garce's body. After napping, they continued to look for Maizey. The three eventually arrived at Joblet’s stalactite penthouse, where they had drinks and traded stories of the Space Wars. However, it was revealed that Garce and Joblet had drugged them, and Garce proceeded to put their unconscious bodies on the Persica with the Bernoulli Converter, headed for the Dark Master.
The two later awoke on the Persica with Garce. Realizing they had been drugged, Mike Soup expressed that he felt weak, to which Garce admitted that he was sorry, but that there was "not much that [he could] do about it". Garce also admitted that both he and his father, Joblet, were under the control of the Dark Master. Gene attempted to persuade Garce to not be "complicit in the destruction of the universe", but Garce denied that there was anything he could do about it, and proceeded to inform them that the Dark Master had requested the two be brought to their destination (the O-Nion Station Space Buffet). Gene and Soup did not know that the Bernoulli Converter was also aboard the ship. After the Persica landed, Garce led them to their rooms, but was stopped by Weldon Burgereaux, who had received a "mysterious, anonymous, borderline ominous" call requesting that the J.V.I.P. guests be treated with the highest honor. When Burgereaux asked if Gene and Soup had anything to say, Garce pretended that the two were just "here to enjoy their vacation," leaving the two having no choice but to go along with him. Burgereaux then led the gang to his "orientation field," which consisted of machines emitting a soft pink light in order to temporarily put the three under some kind of spell. The spell prohibited Mike Soup and Gene from saying anything negative, and, once finished, boosted the gang's overall self esteem, confidence, and energy, while also taking away their ability to feel anything negative. The group then rushed away to try the Lazy River.
Doctor Goondis, Maizey, Smeech, and Joblet found Gene, Mike, and Garce one by one on the Zero-Gravity Lazy River. Doctor Goondis, finding the crew first, made polite conversation with them until Mike Soup eventually recognized him by asking him if he had assassinated the Pope. The two, joyful at their reunion, welcomed Joblet and Smeech into the group, even though Joblet’s crimes had angered Goondis and Soup before the orientation. Maizey found the crew last, and although she had originally planned to tell them something, she admitted she could not remember, due to the orientation process numbing the negative parts of her memory, saying that "You know, after that orientation [they] just went through, [Maizey] just... phew! [She] just [wanted to] chill 'til [she was] dead!"
Weldon Burgereaux, checking on the J.V.I.P.s (Garce, Gene, and Mike Soup), and their guests (Maizey, Smeech, Joblet, and Goondis), then alerted them that the Pasta Parade was due to be soon, and that he had reserved the highest float in honor of them all. After leaving, Joblet brought up that he'd never "totally got the download on why the Dark Master wanted [them] here". However, everyone immediately dismissed it and agreed on not worrying about it.
During the Pasta Parade, Mike Soup was on the J.V.I.P Feel-Good Float along with Garce, Smeech, Doctor Goondis, Gene, Joblet, and Maizey. While on the float, on request of Weldon Burgereaux, Doctor Goondis shot the Serenity Lights at the crowd, calming them. Before the Dark Master appeared, Mike Soup mentioned that he smelled chili. The Dark Master then interrupted the Parade by taking a bite out of the O-Nion Space Station, killing many of the guests, including Weldon Burgereaux. Before dying, Burgereaux warned the group to run. While the group panicked, Goondis shot the group with the Light, influencing their minds relax and think rationally. However, after being shot with the Light, Garce claimed he felt sick. Joblet suggested Goondis shoot him once more, to heal him, but Goondis refused, saying Garce "[looked] ripe". Garce, then realizing he was possessed by Pam, stated he believed he was going to die, and proceeded to "pop like a balloon." Pam, now free of her prison, proceeded to appear and then scold the group for "frying [their] brains on that pink junk," meaning the group's current addiction to the Serenity Light. Furious and horrified at the death of his son, Joblet swore revenge on Pam. Pam, however, killed Joblet as well. She then explained to the rest of the group that she had appeared to help, and that they needed to "get [their] heads in the game." Maizey agreed, and with that, the group vowed to defeat the Dark Master once and for all.
The group, having very little time, scrambled to make a plan, first wanting to strangle the Dark Master with the pasta they had from their float, but ultimately settled on using the Serenity Light to shrink the bad energy. Before they could fully charge up the Serenity Light in order to use it at its full potential, the Dark Master appeared and killed Smeech. Pam volunteered herself to deal with the Dark Master to buy the group more time, and attempted to kill the Dark Master with a witch blast. The Dark Master held the witch blast in midair, then deflected it at Gene, who was seriously injured. Immediately after, the Serenity Light reached one hundred on its charging power, and Doctor Goondis shot it at the Dark Master, who was shrunk down to his normal size and temporarily incapacitated. After the gang checked in with Gene, the Dark Master called out for Mike Soup, who recognized his voice and identified him as Space-Pope Chili IX. Doctor Goondis urged the rest of the group to grab the Bernoulli Converter off of the Persica and run while they still had a chance, finishing his request with the assurance that he and Mike would stay behind to fight the Pope.
In "Believe Me, Maizey," the O-Nion Station exploded, and Doctor Goondis, Mike Soup, and Space-Pope Chili IX were presumed dead.
== Notes ==
* Mike's hat has the ability to be used as a weapon (mentioned in seasons three and four), and possesses something called "Soup Strength" (mentioned in season five). It is unclear how he's able to do these things, and we never see him kill anyone on screen.
* According to Common Article 3 of the Geneva Conventionhrw.org (Murder and Willful Killings), Mike Soup is a war criminal.
* During season five, we learn that Mike has unconventional views on death, describing the afterlife as being "Like a slot machine."
== References ==
Category:Characters