The Simpsons: Hit and Run - Level 1/Transcript

The following is a transcript for the first level of The Simpsons: Hit and Run. (To be completed)
==Transcript==
Cutscene
Homer is sitting on the couch, the dead wasp camera lying on the floor. Two floating coins appear, interesting Homer. Krusty the Klown suddenly appears in a television commercial.
Krusty: Hey hey! I'm endorsing a new cola, kids, and this one isn't poisonous to anybody!
Voice in Background: That we know of.
Krusty: New and improved Buzz Cola is made of only the finest sugars and waters. Plus, it has a special ingredient to hot for the FDA!
Krusty hands a can of Buzz Cola to a boy in a Buzz Cola costume.
Krusty: It'll give you the get up and go you need to do all the pathetic stuff you have to do. Try new improved Buzz Cola!
Homer: Mmmm, cola. Must get Buzz Cola.
Homer gets up and walks away.
The Cola Caper
Homer talks to Marge.
Marge: Homie, somebody ate every dessert in the house! I need you to run to the store and pick up some of that ice cream with the miniature pies in it.
Homer: It must have been one of our kids, probably Milhouse.
Homer gets into his vehicle and drives to Kwik-E-Mart. When he arrives, he goes into the store and talks to Apu.
Homer: Hey Apu. Give me a cola, and I need another bucket of ice cream with mini-pies.
Apu: What happened to the ice cream with mini-pies your wife bought this morning?
Homer: I probably ate it, I don't remember stuff too good.
Homer picks up the ice cream and cola.
Bart: Congratulations, Homer, mission complete! Now go back home and talk to mom to start the next mission.
S-M-R-T
Marge: Homie, Lisa left for school without her science project. Can you get it to her?
Homer: Oh, do I have to?
Marge: You can drop it off on your way to work.
Homer: And I have to go to work?!
Lisa: Thanks for bringing me my model of the digestive system! ... Hey, where's the gall bladder?
Homer: Uh, I got hungry, and... it was a fig.
Lisa: It was modelling clay!
Homer: Ohh...
Lisa: By the way dad, mom called, she needs to talk to you before you go to work.
Homer: D'oh!
Petty Theft Homer
Marge: Homer, go talk to Ned Flanders, he seems miffed, and PO'ed.
Homer: Why me? I'm the world's greatest neighbor! I even have a mug to that effect.
Ned: I'm all in a dither, Homer. So many of my possessions have disappeared... I called the police to find the culprit!
Homer: Culprit, eh?
Ned: My lawn mower, my cooler, my lawn chair, a family portrait, even Rod's inhaler, what kind of sick individual would take this stuff?
Homer: (In his head) Oh no, I borrowed all of Flanders stuff, quick, think of an excuse to get out of here.
Homer: Err, excuse me, I think I have to go shuck some corn.
Homer: Hmm... what's next. Flanders' cooler. I gave it to Barney!
Homer: Uh, remember that cooler I gave you for your birthday? Well, Flanders wants it back.
Barney: Now what will I use for a toilet?
Homer: Almost done! Now I need Flanders' stupid picture of his stupid family.
Homer: Okay, last one! Now where did I leave Rod's stupid inhaler... duh, on top of the Duff truck!
Homer: Now to return this stuff before the cops find me, sitting around talking to myself!
Homer: Flanders, look! I found your missing stuff! Now about the reward...
Ned: Thanks, neighboroonie! Here's your reward. A prayer from the lord's number one fan... Our father in heaven, bless this noble oaf.
Homer: Stupid Flanders getting happiness from religion!
Office Spaced
Marge: Homie, you're late for work! And today's your workplace evaluation with Mr. Smithers!
Homer: Ah! He'll find my scorpion farm, then where will my scorpions live!? Only one person can help me... Lenny!
Lenny: Hey, Homer, how about a breakfast churro?
Homer: No time! Tell me where I can find Mr. Smithers!
Lenny: I think I saw him at the Kwik-E-Mart. More breakfast churros for Lenny!
Homer: I'm gonna need a car with more junk in the trunk if I want to take him out. I wonder if Barney still has the Plow King...
Homer: Barney, can I borrow the Plow King?
Barney: Take what you want sexy lephrechaun, just don't shoot me with that dart gun, ahhh.
Homer: Whatever.
Smithers: Oh, my convertible! I just waxed another folder.
Homer: That's what you get for expecting me to do the job for which I am paid.
Blind Big Brother
Homer: How can I sleep with that camera? Ooh, sexy girls could be watching me on the internet! Stupid cameras, you should be smashed! I'll destroy you at your power source! Hahahahahahaha!!
Homer: Finally I can get some sleep.
Burns: (On a speaker) Mindless drones, return to your ugly families.
Homer: D'oh!
Cutscene 1
Brockman: ...the famous bearded cartoon creator incarcerated in a Verubian jail. In other news, local citizens are outraged over the discovery of surveillance cameras throughout the town. We go now to city hall where Mayor Quimby is feeling questions from an angry mob.
Quimby: These miniature cameras are an outrage. Spying on our women's dressing rooms, bathrooms, and locker rooms is unforgivable! I think I speak for all Springfielders when I say: "Where is the sexy footage?!"
Brockman: In other unexplained news, strange black vans have been appearing all over town.
Homer: Marge, that black van is spying on us.
Marge: Oh, Homie! You're so sexy when you're paranoid.
Flowers by Irene
Homer: Oh, so Mr. Burns is behind all this. Evil spying is so like him, that wrinkled old monkey skeleton!
Bonestorm Storm
Homer: Mr. Burns is spying on everybody, we've got to follow him!
Marge: Not now Homer, a new violent video game has hit the streets, and we need to get rid of it before it warps any children with its bloops and bleeps!
Homer: But that game sounds awesome!
Marge: And therefore should be destroyed!
Homer: I guess...
Marge: If only kids would play more video games about sharing.
Homer: Marge, you know I have more crazy plans. Now if you'll excuse, me I have to go spy on my boss.
Marge: Hmmm.
The Fat and Furious
Carl: Hey Homer, you look like you're having one of your trademark adventures.
Homer: Danger... Mr. Burns... mini cameras... black vans!
Carl: Whoa, good thing I'm drunk!
Homer: Stupid drunk, oh no, he's going to warn Burns. I can't believe I'm racing the same guy twice in one day!
Homer: C. Montgomery Burns, I know you're guilty! ACCUSED! ... Sir?
Burns: Fine I admit it, I had a plane shot down. Aunt Hussy was getting to big for her jodhpurs.
Homer: No, you're spying on Springfield with your black vans and surveillance cameras.
Burns: Black vans, hmm... aren't they connected to some Pizzaiola concern?
Homer: What!? They were only pizza vans?! I'm a class five idiot!
Burns: Smithers, release the hounds... and if this oaf is an employee of the plant, fire him at once.
Category:Transcripts
Category:The Simpsons Hit & Run