Hair-Jitsu/Transcript

The following is a transcript for the episode "Hair-Jitsu".
== ==
(Poppy and Branch are on a hill with Trolls Critter-boarding down it.)
Poppy: Well, Branch, you picked a beautiful day to learn how to Critter-board. Remember, flex and extend. Flex and extend-
Branch: (Interrupting Poppy) Extend. Yeah, yeah. Can we go now, please? I wanna do a 360.
Poppy: A 360? Branch, you barely survived the bunny slope. (We go to the past where Branch is Critter-boarding and hits a bunny who crushes him with its carrot. Then we go back to the present.)
Branch: Well, why didn’t anyone tell me it was the most dangerous hill? Forget this. (He starts Critter-boarding down the hill.)
Poppy: No, wait!
Branch: SHREDDING THE GNAR! (Poppy goes after him.) Yeah, that’s right! (He goes up a hill ramp and does a 360-degree turn.) Impressive, I know.
Poppy: Branch!
Branch: Yeah?
Poppy: No, branch, Branch!
Branch: Yeah, yeah!
Poppy: No, tree branch! (Branch screams and moves out of the branch’s way along with a tree stump. He then goes flying off a cliff.)
Branch: AAAAARRRRGH!!! (He lands in a spider web.) Argh! Great. Saved by a spider web, which means I’ll turn my head to find… (A Tarantacapuffacus roars at him.) Yeah… ARGH! (The Tarantacapuffacus gets closer to him as he struggles to free himself.)
Poppy: (As dust flies) Hey! (She gets off her Critter-board.)
Branch: Poppy! No! (The Tarantacapuffacus gets off its web and gets ready to attack Poppy.) Why are you just standing there?! Save yourself! (The spider jumps to attack Poppy.)
Poppy: All in good time. (She dodges the spider and whips it with her hair.) Ya! (The spider jumps again and she stops it again with her hair. Then she does more attacks.) Ya! Hi-ya! Hoo! (Branch gasps in amazement. The spider shoots spider thread at her.) ARGH!
Branch: Poppy! (Just before the Tarantacapuffacus can eat Poppy, she breaks free.)
Poppy: Hmph! (She punches the spider into the air with her hair and shoots a magic hairball.) Hairball-duken! (She throws it at the spider and fireworks shoot in the air. Her watch then chimes.) Hey, hug time!
Branch: Hug time? Poppy, what was that?
Poppy: What? You mean hair-jitsu? The antient Troll art of hair-fighting? (She breaks the spider web and frees Branch with her hair.) Hi-ya!) Why do you look so surprised, Branch? I used it around you lots of times. (We go to the first flashback where Branch is fighting the Eyestalks.)
Past Branch: Don’t be scared, Poppy. I’ll get us out of this mess.
All: Danger. Danger. (Poppy does her hair-jitsu moves. We go to the next flashback where the Snack Pack is protecting themselves with their hair from the Grossums.)
Past Branch: See, you don’t listen to me, and now I have to stop all these Grossums. (Poppy gets out of the hair and attacks the Grossums.) Why is it always up to me? (Poppy attacks the last Grossum. We go to the last flashback where the Mama Cuddle Pup is attacking.) Don’t be a hero! No-one can stop that Mama Cuddle Pup!
Past Poppy: I got this! (The Mama Cuddle Pup sends her flying with her tail. We go back to the present.)
Poppy: Not that it always works.
Branch: Huh. All that stuff definitely happened. So, hair-jitsu. Teach me, teach me, teach me!
Poppy: Ha! Trust me, you’re not ready.
Branch: Not ready for self-defence? I’m Branch. My whole thing is defence.
Poppy: OK, look, when you can hair-grab this glue stick, you’ll be ready. (She takes out a glue stick. Branch tries to grab it several times with his hair, but Poppy moves it away.)
Branch: Huh? (He becomes angry.)
Poppy: Ah-ah. It’s not about speed. It’s about slowing down and seeing your moment. Let the glue come to you.
Branch: THAT MAKES NO SENSE! ARGH! (He tries to grab Poppy with his hair but ends up trying to grab a frog. Poppy is heard laughing.)
Poppy: Definitely not ready. Because hair-jitsu requires patience. You have none.
Branch: Pah! I’m the most patient Troll in the whole village.
Biggie: Now you throw it back. (We can see that Biggie is playing with a beach ball with Mr. Dinkles.) Come on. You can do it. (Mr. Dinkles does nothing.)
Branch: OK, the 2nd most. (He kneels down.) Come on.
Poppy: Fine. I’ll take you on as a pupil, on one condition: do whatever I tell you, no questions asked.
Branch: Deal. So, you think we could start with that sweet hairball-duken move you did?
Poppy: No. I have other ideas for you. (Later, she and Branch are in their hair-jitsu outfits. They bow to each other.) Branch is gonna DJ our dance party. (A crowd of Trolls cheers.)
Branch: You want me to DJ?
Poppy: For now, then I some other chores for you to do.
Branch: But I’m supposed to be learning hair-jitsu. Why am I doing chores?
Poppy: Uh-uh. You said you’d do whatever I tell you, no questions asked. (Branch grumbles and scratches a record and it screeches so loud, that the crowd covers their ears.)
Cooper: BOO!
Poppy: Like this. Back and forth. Back and forth. (Branch fails to move the record properly again.) Argh! (She stops Branch and the crowd boos again.)
Cooper: BOOOOO!
Poppy: Back and forth. Back and forth. (Branch scratches the records to a funky beat and the crowd cheers and dances.)
Cooper: Boo! I mean, Whooooo!
Poppy: Good. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be grooving over here. (She jumps into the crowd. Whoo! (The crowd throws her into the air.) Whooooo! (Later, Branch is wrapping a pile of presents.) Finish that whole pile, Branch. Wrap the gift and stamp the bow. (Branch stamps a yellow bow on a blue present.) Wrap the gift and stamp the bow. (Later, Branch is brushing her hair.) That’s it! Brush the hair! Brush the hair! Uh-huh. 10,000 brushes down, 10,000 brushes to go. (A big line of Trolls is seen. Branch is then seen dancing on a rock with a frown while Poppy’s friends laugh.) Dance for our enjoyment, Branch. Dance for our enjoyment. Dance for our enjoyment. Dance for our enjoyment! (Soon, Branch is massaging Smidge.) Massage the Smidge. Massage the Smidge. (Smidge gets off the bench and Guy Diamond jumps on.)
Guy Diamond: (singsong) Yeah!
Poppy: Massage the Guy. (After that, she is seen on a mushroom.) Harvest the mushrooms with your feet! (Branch kicks some mushrooms.) Harvest the mushrooms. Harvest the mushrooms. You’re doing great. Keep it going. (Branch sighs.) Now it’s time to shave the Cooper. (Branch starts shaving Cooper’s fur.) Shave the Cooper. Shave the Cooper.
Cooper: Yeah, shave the me!
Branch: Argh! Enough!
Cooper: (As he runs away) WHOOOOO!
Branch: I’ve done everything you asked, and you still haven’t taught me anything. This is pointless.
Poppy: Haven’t taught you anything, huh? Show me DJ the party. (She gets ready to attack Branch with her hair.)
Branch: What?! Huh! (He reflects Poppy’s attack. She then gets ready to attack again.)
Poppy: Brush the hair! (Branch hits her feet and soon throws her to the ground.)
Branch: Huh?
Poppy: (Getting ready to attack once more) Harvest the mushroom! Ha! (She whips her hair and Branch dodges it.)
Branch: (Ready to punch Poppy) Huh! (Poppy blocks his attack and pushes him with her hair.) Argh! (He sees Poppy’s shadow above him.) Huh? (Just before Poppy punches him, he rolls out of the way. Then he and Poppy hit each other. They soon stop.) Looks like I’m a natural.
Poppy: Or maybe I’m just a very good teacher.
Branch: Well, you did teach me to… STAMP THE BOW! (Poppy screams as he pushes her with his hair.) It appears the student has become the teacher. Though the new teacher wouldn’t mind if the old teacher showed him that hairball-duken move.
Poppy: (Getting up) Forget it. That’s only for those who have a black hairband. (She shows Poppy her hairband.)
Branch: (gasps) It’s so beautiful.
Poppy: And it goes with everything.
Branch: Oh, please, Poppy, give me one!
Poppy: I can’t. You have to earn it. When you’re ready, you’ll journey to the Valley of Thorns and pluck one from the ancient Hair-Jitsu Tree.
Branch: Then you’ll teach me the move?
Poppy: In time. (Branch takes out a map.) First, you must be patient enough to pluck the glue stick from my hand. Then I’ll lead you to the…
Branch: Valley of Thorns. Got it. (He leaves and Poppy groans. Biggie is still waiting for Mr. Dinkles to roll the ball.)
Biggie: You can do it! (Branch runs by.) Throw it back. (The ball springs a leak and deflates.) Progress! (Meanwhile, Branch has arrived at the Valley of Thorns.)
Branch: The Hair-Jitsu Tree. (He puts the map away and sees a black hairband.) It’s surprisingly out in the open. (He goes to the tree and grabs the hairband. Suddenly, the ground shakes.) Huh? (The Hair-Jitsu Tree becomes angry.)
Tae-Kwon-Joe: INFIDEL! (Branch screams as he falls off him. The tree grows legs and cries out.) You dare attempt to steal what belongs to Taw-Kwon-Joe?! (He roars as he gets ready to crush Branch. Luckily, Poppy saves him just in time.)
Branch: (gasps) Poppy!
Tae-Kwon-Joe: Another infidel! (He makes more arms appear.)
Poppy and Branch: (As they dodge) Huh!
Branch: Wow. This Tae-Kwon-Joe guy is in a really bad mood.
Poppy: That’s why I told you to wait. (Arms form around Branch’s feet and she gasps.) Look out! (She pushes Branch out of the way and gets wrapped in the arms.)
Branch: Poppy, are you OK?!
Poppy: Yes, but you won’t be unless you slow down and listen. (Branch screams and gets ready to attack.) Or don’t listen. See what happens. (Branch jumps in the air.)
Branch: Hair-ate chop! (He misses Taw-Kwon-Joe and he sends him flying onto a thorn.)
Tae-Kwon-Joe: Prepare yourself! (He does karate moves.) Hoo! Ha! Hoo! Horruh! Wahaa! Huh! (His mouth spins around his face.)
Branch: Argh. I don’t have time for this. Argh! (Taw-Kwon-Joe grabs him and pulls his hair.) ARGH!
Tae-Kwon-Joe: If a tree punches you in the woods and no-one is around to hear it, does it still hurt?! (He punches Branch several times.)
Branch: Yes, very much so! (Tae-Kwon-Joe throws him to the ground.) OK. Maybe I’m not quite as ready as I thought. (He buries himself with dirt.)
Poppy: Focus, Branch. Remember what I taught you.
Branch: Are you watching the same fight? That’s not really working.
Poppy: What I tried to teach you. (We go to the past.)
Past Poppy: It’s not about speed. It’s about slowing down and seeing your moment. (We go back to the present and Branch grunts. (As Tae-Kwon-Joe charges at him, he holds out a hand and sees a thorn stock in one of his hands.)
Poppy: (In Branch’s head) Patience. Patience.
Branch: STAMP THE BOW! (He attacks the thorn with his hair and it falls out. Tae-Kwon-Joe calms down.)
Tae-Kwon-Joe: Ooh! Thank you! I didn’t think that thorn would ever come out. It was putting me in such a bad mood. I mean, I was about to kill you. Ha! Talk about egg on my bark. (He chuckles and takes out a black hairband.) Here. Did you want this? (Branch gasps and puts the hairband on his head.)
Poppy: Very patient, young critter bug. (Branch bows to her.) I never would have thought to pluck that thorn.
Branch: But wait, if you never plucked a thorn, how did you get a headband from Tae-Kwon-Joe?
Poppy: I didn’t. I got mine from Tae-Kwon-Kevin. (We go to the past where Tae-Kwon Kevin is in front of a line of Trolls.)
Past Tae-Kwon-Kevin: 1029, come on down!
All: Yeah!
Past Biggie: Tae-Kwon-Kevin, could we trouble you for a black hairband?
Past Tae-Kwon-Kevin: Aw, of course you can, cutie pies. (Biggie gives him a ticket and he gives him a hairband.)
Past Biggie: Yay! This goes with everything, Mr. Dinkles!
Past Mr. Dinkles: Meep! (We go back to the present.)
Poppy: Anyway, now that you have your hairband, I can teach you that hairball-duken move. So, let’s restart your training. (Branch faints in shock.) Branch? Branch? (A bell’s bong is heard and the episode ends.)
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