Pizza Delivery (Rewrite)/transcript

== Transcript ==
Episode Aired: August 14, 1993
Episode Copyrighted: 1993
This episode is rated TV-Y7 for The Expect Smart Actually Season 1. This is the tenth episode of The Expect Smart Actually.
The episode begins at nighttime at the Krusty Krab with SpongeBob cleaning a table.
Squidward Tentacles: Hurry up with those chairs, SpongeBob. It's after closing and I'd like to go home!
The phone rings.
SpongeBob SquarePants: I got it, I got it! Coming!
Lincoln Loud: *runs*
Squidward Tentacles: Lincoln!
SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: *leaps for the phone*
Squidward Tentacles: *answers it first*
SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: *falls to the floor and exclaims*
Squidward Tentacles: Hello? Sorry, sir, we're closed...
Mr. Krabs: *snatches phone*
Lori Loud: *angrily* Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: Ahoy, there, Krusty Krab. How could I help you?
Customer: *explains order over phone*
Mr. Krabs: Pizza? Mmm... *eyes turn into dollar signs* Of course we have pizza.
Squidward Tentacles: Uh, Mr. Krabs...
Lori Loud: So what's her name, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: Her name is Ashley Roberts. Our delivery squid will bring it right over. *hangs up*
Lincoln Loud: Mr. Krabs, I can't wait to meet her.
Mr. Krabs: Okay! Now go!
Lincoln Loud: *leaves the Krusty Krab*
Squidward Tentacles: But Mr. Krabs, we don't serve pizzas.
Mr. Krabs: *gets a plate of Krabby Patties and smashes them into a pizza*
Then he puts it in a box.
Lori Loud: We don't deliver.
Mr. Krabs: We don't deliver, *gives Squidward the pizza* but you do.
Squidward Tentacles: Can't you just get SpongeBob to do it?
Mr. Krabs: Great idea! Take him with you.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *sneaks over smiling big*
Squidward Tentacles: That's not what I had in mind!
SpongeBob SquarePants and Squidward Tentacles: *leaves the Krusty Krab*
Lola Loud: *enters the Krusty Krab* Mr. Krabs?! Lori?! Anyone?!
Lori Loud: Ugh, this is taking forever.
Slide transition cuts to Lincoln walking to Ashley’s house.
Lincoln Loud: *sings* ♪ I’m walking to Ashley's house. ♪ *turns around to Ashley's house*
Ashley's house is shown.
Lincoln Loud: Whoa! All right, whoever you are, I don't know why you think you are!
The baseball breaks a window, then it hits Lincoln.
Lincoln Loud: Ow! *turns around and sees Ashley*
Ashley Marie Roberts: Pizza Delivery!
Lincoln Loud: Who are you?!
Ashley Roberts: Hello, Lincoln! My name is Ashley Roberts!
Lincoln Loud: *waves* Hi, Ashley!
Ashley Roberts: Oh, sorry about the ball, Lincoln. I’m delivering pizza. That's all.
Lincoln Loud: Uhh, yeah, what about SpongeBob and Squidward?
Ashley Roberts: Your job is to be a pizza deliverer. That is why you are so audacious. And it is why you help customers. Even people who don't have customers. I need your help, Lincoln.
Lincoln Loud: I'd be happy to help!
Ashley Roberts: Let's go see SpongeBob and Squidward.
Lincoln Loud: I like your headband.
Ashley Roberts: That's my headband. See. *takes off my headband*
Lincoln Loud: *takes her headband* A headband. Can I touch it?
Ashley Roberts (without headband): *takes my headband away from Lincoln* No! That’s the problem. *puts my headband back on my head, picks up the baseball* And this is my ball I've broken into a window.
Lincoln Loud: Ashley, can we go now?
Ashley Roberts: Okay, let's go. *puts the baseball back to my house*
Lincoln Loud and Ashley Roberts: *carries pizza boxes*
Slide transition cuts to SpongeBob and Squidward near the boat outside the Krusty Krab.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Front end... check. Antenna... *touches the boat antenna making it vibrate* check. Bumper... check. Bumper sticker...
The bumper sticker says "I Brake For Sea Urchins".
SpongeBob SquarePants: ...check. *uncaps the tire pressure and puts my mouth in it, causing him to inflate like a balloon, and talk in a squeaky, high pitched voice*
He is now the size of a giant parade balloon.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *high pitched voice* Tire pressure! *blows out the rest of the pressure in Squidward's face, returning him to my normal size and voice* ...check. Vehicle inspection complete! We're really making history here, Squidward. That lucky customer is going to get the first Krabby Patty Pizza ever!
Ashley Roberts: *offscreen* Hey guys!
Squidward Tentacles: Lincoln! Ashley! What are you two doing here?!
Screen cuts to Ashley and Lincoln holding pizza boxes
Ashley Roberts: Lincoln and I are delivering pizza.
Squidward Tentacles: Good.
Lincoln Loud and Ashley Roberts: *gets on the car boat*
Squidward Tentacles: SpongeBob, you drive. *tosses my hat away*
SpongeBob SquarePants: I can't. I'm still in Boating School.
Squidward Tentacles: Come on, SpongeBob. It's just around the corner.
Lincoln Loud: Go, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Well, yeah, but...
Squidward Tentacles: Just do what you do in school.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Well, okay. Wait, don't tell me.
Squidward Tentacles: Back it up.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Huh?
Squidward Tentacles: Back... it up.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Right, back... it up. *tries to move the stick shift down*
Squidward Tentacles: Back it up!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Okay, okay!
Squidward Tentacles: Shift into reverse, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Reverse? Oh, yeah, reverse. *imagines the words "FORWARD" and "REVERSE" turning into Korean writing, 앞으로가 (FORWARD) and 뒤로가 (REVERSE)*
Squidward Tentacles: Back it up!
SpongeBob SquarePants: *shifts gears* Backing up! Backing up!
The boat backs up really fast.
Squidward Tentacles: *tries to get the wheel* Gimme the wheel, SpongeBob. Give me the wheel!
SpongeBob Tentacles: Backing up! Backing up! Ba-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ack-i-i-i-i-i-ng up!
Lincoln Loud: Oh man!
Lincoln Loud and Ashley Roberts: *screams*
They go over a bumpy area with rocks and then they spin around and around and around, screaming. The scene fades into the next morning, as the boat goes over five hills.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Backing up! Backing up! Backing up! Backing up!
The boat stops with no fuel left.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Backing up.
Squidward Tentacles: Well... you backed up. And you know what? I think we're out of gas. And you know what else? *echoes* We're in the middle of nowhere!
SpongeBob SquarePants: And you know what else else? I think the pizza's getting cold.
Ashley Roberts: Yeah.
Squidward Tentacles: *sarcastically startled* And the pizza's cold? Oh, the pizza's cold! Not the pizza! Oh, how could this get any worse?! *furiously kicks boat and the boat's gasoline becomes full again and it drives away into the distance without us*
Ashley Roberts: *holds a pizza box* Guys, the pizza's cold.
Lincoln Loud: Mine too.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Well, we can still deliver it on foot.
Squidward Tentacles: *narrows my eyes*
Later, both walk on the sand.
Squidward Tentacles: Ow, ow, ow.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *sings* ♪ The Krusty Krab pizza is the pizza for you and me. The Krusty Krab pizza is the pizza... ♪
Squidward Tentacles: And my feet are killing me. Whoa! *trips over SpongeBob, who is lying on the ground* SpongeBob? Lincoln? Ashley? What are you doing?
SpongeBob SquarePants: *rubs the ground* It's an old pioneer trick. I saw it in a movie once.
Ashley Roberts: A cartoon I watch.
Lincoln Loud: Me too.
Squidward Tentacles: Guys, this is no time for...
Lincoln Loud: Shh, shh, shh. It's working.
Squidward Tentacles: What is it?
Lincoln Loud: *points to the road* Truck! Sixteen wheels.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Now I can show you how the pioneers hitchhike. *starts dancing in the road*
He is wearing a hat.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Whee... eee...
Squidward Tentacles: *sits on a rock while playing with a wooden spoon*
Swordfish Trucker: Thrashin' frashin' break dancers! *honks my truck horn*
Squidward Tentacles: He's stopping! He's stopping! *realizes he's not stopping and grabs SpongeBob, Lincoln and Ashley out of the way
As where they are covered in sand thanks to the truck.
Squidward Tentacles: *narrows my eyes at the smiling SpongeBob, Lincoln and Ashley*
The slide transition cuts to SpongeBob, Squidward, Lincoln and Ashley resuming walking, despite heavy winds.
SpongeBob SquarePants: ♪ The Krusty Krab pizza is the pizza for you and me. The Krusty Krab pizza... ♪
The wind blows on Squidward's nose making it touch his face so he puts it down, only for it to touch his face again so he puts it in his mouth.
SpongeBob SquarePants: ♪ ...is the pizza free delivery. The Krusty Krab pizza is the pizza very ta-asty. ♪ *gets carried around in the air by the huge winds* Whoa!
Squidward Tentacles: Will you let go of those stupid pizzas, already?!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Lincoln Loud and Ashley Roberts: *still being carried around in the air*
Lincoln Loud: We can't, it's for the customer!
Squidward Tentacles: Who cares about the customer?!
SpongeBob SquarePants: I do!
Lincoln Loud: I do too!
Ashley Roberts: *hold a pizza*
Squidward Tentacles: Well, I don't!
The wind stops.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *gasps* Squidward!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Lincoln Loud and Ashley Roberts: *starts flying again*
Squidward Tentacles: Let go of that pizza!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Lincoln Loud and Ashley Roberts: No! *runs over Squidward*
Squidward Tentacles: Ow!
Lincoln Loud and Ashley Roberts: *gives the pizza boxes to SpongeBob*
Lincoln Loud: *holds SpongeBob's legs*
Ashley Roberts: *holds Lincoln’s legs*
Squidward Tentacles: *holds Ashley’s legs* Guys, let go of the pizza!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Lincoln Loud and Ashley Roberts: No! It's for the customers.
Squidward Tentacles: Guys!
They catch sight of a tornado nearby.
Squidward Tentacles: Let go of the pizza! *gets lifted up into the tornado*
SpongeBob SquarePants, Lincoln Loud and Ashley Roberts: No!
Squidward Tentacles: Guys! *looks down and screams* Hang onto the pizza!
The tornado spits them both out, and both scream while falling down.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Lincoln Loud and Ashley Roberts: *uses the pizza as a parachute*
Squidward Tentacles: *falls hard onto the ground* Hey! Hey! *crawls up to the screen* Where's the road? Where's the road?
A tumbleweed rolls by.
Squidward Tentacles: We're doomed! How are we gonna get home, which way do we go?
SpongeBob SquarePants, Lincoln Loud and Ashley Roberts: *lands*
Squidward Tentacles: What are we gonna do now? There's no road here!
Lincoln Loud: I think town's this way. *points*
Squidward Tentacles: Oh, don't tell me, Jethro. The pioneers?
Ashley Roberts: That's right. *points to a mossy rock* Moss always points to civilization.
Squidward Tentacles: That way? That way there?
SpongeBob SquarePants, Lincoln Loud and Ashley Roberts: *nods*
Squidward Tentacles: So, let me get this straight... you think that we should go that way?
SpongeBob SquarePants, Lincoln Loud and Ashley Roberts: *nods again* Yep.
Squidward Tentacles: Well, then I'm going this way. *heads the other way*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Huh? Squid, wait! I don't think...
Squidward Tentacles: Trust me, I know where I'm going.
Screen pans out to show another city in the other direction.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *sings* The Krusty Krab pizza is the pizza, absolutivally.
Later.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Pizza... *starts beatboxing* pizza...
Later, SpongeBob is walking backwards. SpongeBob's pants almost split into two and move up and down simultaneously while he continues to beatbox. Later, SpongeBob sings with blues-rock soul.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Krusty-Kra-aa-aa-yaaa-yeah pizza is the pizza, yeah, for you and *falsetto* me-eee-hee-hee-hee!
Later, SpongeBob, Squidward, Lincoln and Ashley are weary looking and the former sings exhaustingly.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Krab Pizza... for you. Krus... the Krusshy and the... Krab... pizza...
Later, they are lying face down in the sand.
Squidward Tentacles: Sponge, Linc, Ash, we gotta eat something.
SpongeBob SquarePants: I heard in times of hardship, the pioneers would eat coral.
Squidward Tentacles: *eats some coral*
Ashley Roberts: No, maybe it wasn't coral.
Squidward Tentacles: *spits out the coral*
Lincoln Loud: Maybe it was sand. No, no, mud.
Squidward Tentacles: Give me the pizza!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Wait, we remember now! It was coral!
Squidward Tentacles: Give it to me!
SpongeBob SquarePants: No, we promised it's for the customers.
Squidward Tentacles: *fancy music plays* You're right. It's for the customers.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Lincoln Loud and Ashley Roberts: Yeah!
Squidward Tentacles: Maybe we better check on it, make sure it's okay.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Well?
Squidward Tentacles: Just a peek. *opens box*
SpongeBob SquarePants, Lincoln Loud and Ashley Roberts: *shuts it quickly*
Lincoln Loud: Okay, it's fine.
Squidward Tentacles: No, I think I saw something. *opens box* Oh, no. I was wrong. Looks okay. Sure is a fine-looking pizza.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *entranced* Yeah...
Squidward Tentacles: What's that? Is that the cheese?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah...
Squidward Tentacles: And the pepperoni?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah...
Squidward Tentacles: *sees the one slice of pizza gone* Where is that slice?
Ashley Roberts: *eats a slice of pizza*
Squidward Tentacles: Ashley, did you eat that slice of pizza?
Ashley Roberts: *burps* I ate it, Squidward.
Squidward Tentacles: *growls* ASHLEY!
Lincoln Loud: *slurps*
Squidward Tentacles: Oh, looks good, huh?
SpongeBob SquarePants, Lincoln Loud and Ashley Roberts: *snaps out of them*
Lincoln Loud: Wait a second! I know what you're trying to do, Squidward!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Lincoln Loud and Ashley Roberts: *closes boxes*
SpongeBob SquarePants: We’re not letting you eat the pizza!
Ashley Roberts: Yeah!
Squidward Tentacles: Give me the pizza!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Lincoln Loud and Ashley Roberts: No!
Squidward Tentacles: Don't make me take it away from you guys!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Lincoln Loud and Ashley Roberts: Get away! *runs off*
Squidward Tentacles: *chases SpongeBob, Lincoln and Ashley* Get back here, you guys! Give me the pizza!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Lincoln Loud and Ashley Roberts: No!
Squidward Tentacles: Guys!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Lincoln Loud and Ashley Roberts: No!
Squidward Tentacles: Guys!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Lincoln Loud and Ashley Roberts: No!
Squidward Tentacles: Wait... *becomes too tired to run*
SpongeBob SquarePants, Lincoln Loud and Ashley Roberts: No! No! *runs into Squidward*
Squidward Tentacles: I want that pizza and you're gonna hand it over one way or another!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Look, we're saved!
Squidward Tentacles: Sure, we're saved. Now give me some pizza!
Lincoln Loud: No, really, Squid, we're saved! We're saved! We're saved!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Lincoln Loud and Ashley Roberts: *jumps in*
SpongeBob SquarePants: *out of my pants*
Squidward Tentacles: Will you cut that out?!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Lincoln Loud and Ashley Roberts: *to a conga beat, doing a backflip and some push-ups* Saved, saved, saved, saved!
SpongeBob SquarePants: *rips myself apart then the two parts go in circles*
Then they connect again.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Lincoln Loud and Ashley Roberts: Saved, saved, saved, saved! Saved, saved, saved, saved, saved, saved! *starts doing a conga dance* Saved, saved, saved, saved, saved, saved! Saved, saved, saved, saved, saved, saved! Yes, we are saved!
Squidward Tentacles: That's just a stupid boulder!
SpongeBob SquarePants: It's not just a boulder. *sniffs* It's a rock. *cries and hugs the boulder* A rock! A rock! It's a big beautiful, old rock. *climbs up it and rubs it* Oh, the pioneers used to ride these babies for miles, and it's in great shape.
Squidward Tentacles: SpongeBob, will you forget the stupid pioneers?! Have you ever noticed that there are none of them left? That's because they were lousy hitchhikers, ate coral and took directions from algae! And now, you're telling me they thought they could drive...
SpongeBob SquarePants, Lincoln Loud and Ashley Roberts: *runs over Squidward with the boulder* 
Squidward Tentacles: ...rocks? Hold on there, Jethro!
They stop outside the customer's house.
Lincoln Loud: I can't wait to see the look on our customer’s face! *rings doorbell*
Tom the Fish: Yeah?
Lincoln Loud: Congratulations. Your Krabby Patty pizza is here! We got pizza from her house!
Tom the Fish: Wow, thanks! I've been dyin’ for one of these. It... *frowns, brief pause* Where's my drink?
Lincoln Loud: *confused* What drink?
Tom the Fish: *in an angry tone* MY DRINK? MY DIET DR. KELP? DON'T TELL ME YOU FORGOT MY DRINK! WHAT ABOUT SODA, HUH?!
Lincoln Loud: *checks through the order, and sees no drink listed* But, you didn't order any...
Tom the Fish: *yells furiously* HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO EAT THIS PIZZA WITHOUT MY DRINK?!
Lincoln Loud: But... but... *tears start rolling down my face*
Tom the Fish: DIDN'T YOU EVER ONCE THINK OF THE CUSTOMER?! *throws the pizza box at Lincoln's face* YOU CALL YOURSELF A DELIVERY BOY? WELL, I AIN'T BUYIN'! *slams the door*
Lincoln Loud: *goes over to SpongeBob, Squidward and Ashley, smiles and tries not to cry*
Squidward Tentacles: Linc? Linc? It's okay. Linc?
Lincoln Loud: *drops the pizza, falls over, starts sobbing*
Squidward Tentacles: Linc?
Lincoln Loud: continues crying.
Ashley Roberts: Linky?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Look at him, Squidward. He's crying.
Squidward Tentacles: *becomes furious*
He grabs the pizza, stomps towards Tom’s house and angrily pounds on the door.
Tom the Fish: *answers the door, still angry* ANOTHER ONE?! LOOK, I TOLD YOUR LITTLE FRIEND I AIN'T PAYIN' FOR THAT!
Squidward Tentacles: *Tom’s point of view* Well, this one's on the house! *brutally slams the pizza box in Tom’s face*
Lincoln Loud: *cries* Did he change his mind?
Squidward Tentacles: *smugly* He sure did. Ate the whole thing in one bite.
Lincoln Loud: *stops crying* No drink?
Squidward Tentacles: Nah. Now take me home. *jumps up on the rock*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Are you kidding? We have just enough time to make it back to work! *backs up the rock*
They are instantly at the Krusty Krab.
Squidward Tentacles: Work?
Ashley Roberts: Okay, let's have pizza for dinner!
Lincoln Loud: You said it, Ash!
Screen cuts to black saying “THE END”.
Squidward Tentacles: Oh, my aching tentacles!
Episode ends.
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