LU 202 - Mira 10

It was.. dark. It almost reminded me of the time that I had been sent out of the void... and it was a struggle even thinking straight at that moment. I could hardly open my eyes without a pounding headache making it's way to the surface. It felt like everything was spinning- It was nauseating. Nothing looked right to me at that moment. It all looked so... wrong. Like I wasn't meant to be where I was at that moment. Not that I would have been surprised, I hardly fit in anywhere at all in the first place...
Attempting to muster up the strength to get out of the bed I had been laying in, I turned over, just to fall off of the soft surface onto the hard, flat wood of the floorboards. I winced in pain, feeling as though every part of my body was aching. I felt.. weak. Too weak. I hated that. I needed to get my strength back, or at least try to focus on where I even was at the moment. Thus, I closed my eyes, taking deep breaths to calm myself, before opening them again to look around.
I was... in my room. But the last thing I remembered was.. being back there- At my old house. There was no way that I.. 'respawned' here, right? People have kept saying that when someone dies, they end up 'respawning' in a different place than they died- I still don't quite get the terminology of it all. Nevertheless, I was still confused- How had I ended up back at my current home..? Did someone bring me back here??
That's when I remembered, that I had left the map to my old house, here... with all the blood, and everything. 'Fuck,' I silently cursed to myself in my mind. Whoever had found me at my old house, was someone that knew where I lived, and had brought me back here. That could've been more people than I was comfortable with... Knowing I was vulnerable and weak. That I could have died, but yet someone.. helped me. I just didn't quite know who it was-
Grunting, I slowly lifted my sore body off of the floor, since I had given myself a moment of relaxation to get a grip of where I even was, and stumbled my way to the window. The bright colors of the sky nearly blinded my currently sensitive eyes, but I grew accustomed to them quickly before I had leaned on the window sill for support. It probably wasn't the best thing at the moment to be standing, but I didn't want to just remain useless and just lay in bed all day- I.. I had things to do! I had to help the others with the trees-
'Oh... wait...'
It dawned on me that I.. made a mistake, that could probably be rendered unforgivable. Everyone else... They probably hated me by now. Edelle found out what I did... Space was probably going to tell Illios. They'd probably explain to the others soon now, that I had fucked up. That I had probably caused the end of the world, just by wanting to do one damned good thing with my fucking life- And now here I was, pitying myself. I was sickening myself as these thoughts continued to spiral.
I then turned around, looking towards the rest of my room, my eyes focusing on the bloodied knives I had lying on the floor... It caused a shiver to go down my spine, thinking of who could have possibly seen this scene, and realized what I had done, in my emotional anguish and regret. But.. I still don't even know who could have seen it, anyways... Not too many people know where I even live-
So why should I care?
I went over towards the knives on the floor (and by that I mean I nearly fell towards them), picking them up, and studying them.. Pondering now, why I did what I did- Or should I finish the job? That's when a loud knock on the door caused me to drop the knives back on the floor, nearly yelping in surprise. Who could that have been?! Perhaps.. the person that 'saved' me? I wouldn't be surprised, but.. If they knocked, then they either knew I would be 'awake' by now, or they assumed someone else was home... Which reminded me that Jeremy could have also seen this mess-
The knock sounded again, tearing me from my thoughts, and causing me to growl slightly to myself before getting back to my feet. It was a struggle, but I eventually pushed open my doors, leaning on the wall for support as I went towards the spiraled stairs- Just even looking towards them made me dread whether I'd fall or not. Hopefully I didn't. So I went over to the staircase, leaning on the massive crimson beam that they spiraled around, and slowly made my way down.
Just as I got to the last few steps, the person at the door knocked again, causing me to lose balance and fall down the rest of the stairs and onto the floorboards. At that point, I began to wonder if I should have just become a carpet so I could just stay on the floor and not move, because fuck these falls were irritating. Painful, too, might I add on. But, whatever. I slowly pushed myself back to standing up, wincing, but pushing my tail on the floor for the balance that I needed so badly right now. I didn't want to fall again.
I didn't intend on keeping the person at the door waiting for much longer, so I went towards the front door, opening them- Only for a small figure to come rushing in. It was Sytamni-
"MIRAAA-" He yelled out, causing me to flinch at the volume of his voice. I hadn't wished more than now to just be at least half-deaf so I didn't have to hear it at twice the volume that a normal person would hear it from.
Before I could sputter out his name in confusion, he began to ask how I was feeling- If I was feeling better. That connected the dots for me; Sytamni was the one that found me and brought me back... How he managed to bring me back with how small he was though, was confusing. But what I needed to ask now was whether he had.. actually gone there, or if I was just assuming things.
Thus, I had asked if he had went there, in which he had confirmed. He stated that I had.. a 'big booboo', which was a rather childish thing of him to say but I made no comment on it. He spoke again, counting each thing he had taken with his fingers.
"You left that diary, some other potions that I totally did not steal and..." The pause left me dreading what else he had found. Did I leave anything else there? No- Surely not- But the potions he had stolen.. They were mostly harming and poison ones- So I opened my mouth to ask if he could return the potions, before he continued... "These books that I still haven't read."
My eyes widened as I saw him reach into his satchel, taking out the books that looked eerily familiar- But it linked together in my mind rather quickly. He took those books from my house, so that would mean that those are.. my old, old diaries. The ones I had wanted to get rid of after I left that god forsaken building so long ago- So I kneeled down to his height, an awkward chuckle escaping my being as I reached out to him expectantly. "Hey... Can I have those back- Now?"
He backed away from me, clutching the books in his hands tighter as he stared at me, stating that because he had 'saved my life', that he wanted a 'payment'. How selfish. I narrowed my eyes at him as I watched this action, before I had offered that I would make him any type of food that he could want, as a trade for the books- My books. He stole them from me, so I shouldn't have to make a trade to get back what was rightfully mine! This was stupid!
"Did you write your high school crushes on here or something?"
The Silverfolk's words confused me, and my eye twitched as I tried grabbing at him to snatch the books away, just for him to back away further- Perhaps I needed to take a slightly.. calmer, approach. But everything was too overwhelming at the moment- I needed those things away from him.
"If I said something like that, it would just give you more incentive to peek- Just don't look in those damned books-!"
My eye twitched after I spoke, before shaking my head. My tail lashed behind me as I reached out again for the books. I could feel the irritation in my very being getting worse and worse. I was close to lashing out at the kid, and it was taking everything in me right now not to just grab him and snatch the books away from him- It wasn't like he could escape me easily if I did that, anyways.
Then I realized, perhaps he just didn't hear my offer earlier about the food. So, I repeated myself, saying that I could make any food that he could want as 'repayment' for 'saving' me, instead of him gaining knowledge of what I had written down in those old damned journals that I should have just burnt long ago.
For a moment, it looked as though he was considering my offer, finally- And he wanted to confirm that I would in fact make him whatever he wanted, in which I had confirmed for him. This was stressing me out, and I just needed those damned things away from him before he could read them-!
"Fine, how about two stacks of..."
My eyes lit up as I perked up hearing him begin his sentence, nodding as if affirming that I was listening to what he was saying- That I was acknowledging his words as they left him. Only.. to be disappointed, as he rushed past me, stepping on my tail as he ran, which caused me to yelp in pain, before I heard his next words;
"DEEZ NUTS!"
I had never been as filled with rage as I was now. I let my hands fall to the floorboards, the claws of my fingers slightly digging into them as I endured the remaining pain in my tail, before getting up in a panic. I nearly completely forgot that he had those damned diaries of mine-! So I rushed out of the door, adrenaline coursing through my veins as I quickly looked around- I had already lost him! ⎓⚍ᓵꖌ!
I began searching everywhere that I knew that his tiny self could get into, looking around the entrance of the tunnel, in the farms I had, near the trees- I had no idea of where he actually was, already, and I was getting more and more agitated as the seconds passed by. It nearly got to the point that I was going to tear things to pieces if I hadn't found him any time soon. If he was hiding, he would probably be reading those fucking books- I didn't want him to read those damned things, for fuck's sake. That would be the worst case scenario at this moment!
My ears twitched though as I heard tiny footsteps coming from the pen with all of the mounts- That was the one place I hadn't looked yet. I could feel my tail lashing behind me again as I ran towards the pens, a small growl coming from my throat as I looked everywhere in those damned 'rooms'. Until I saw him hiding in the corner of the Courier Bird pen- My eye twitched as I leered over him, hoping that the shadow I would cast over him would be enough of a hint that he had been caught. He had been found.
What I hadn't expected though, was for his head to slowly turn to look up towards me from the pages he had been reading, then closing the book. It looked as though he had fear, betrayal, and regret in his expression, all at once. It made my blood boil knowing that he had read everything in those books- There would be only one reason why he would have that look on his face.
"Mira... Why did you do that bad thing..."
He got away from the corner he had been sitting in, now backing away from me as I stared at him. Whereas he had a fearful expression, I could tell that the only expression I had, was one of rage.
"This is why I didn't want you seeing that."
I stared at him, slowly getting closer to him, but he just backed further into the opposite corner as far as he could. I could tell that it wasn't going to help anything if I tried getting closer right now, so I kept my distance for the moment. At this point, it was too late to even ask for the books back.
"That isn't even the only fucker I've killed-"
"WHAT?!"
He practically screamed out the word, causing me to wince as it was right in front of me- I could tell that I had messed up by saying what I did, but it was too late now. Might as well be open about it. It's not like there was much left to hide. He had already read the diaries, so now there's not much left I can really do right now, but try to be as.. honest as I can? Possibly. I didn't know how else to go about this situation. It was all too stressful-
"You've kiLLED MORE?"
I snarled slightly as he asked the question, before I realized- He was just getting more and more scared. Scared of me. I.. I didn't want that- He was my friend, surely he would understand if I actually tried explaining, right?! Surely!
"T-The first one it was an accident-! I- I swear!"
"... Was it," His voice didn't even make it sound like a question, it sounded more like a demand for an answer. I was starting to regret my word choices now- I didn't want to lose him- Not Sytamni too- Nonono- I had to try to explain myself, fuck!
"T-The second one was not so much of an accident, but nothing past that!" I tried to explain myself further, but the look of shock on his face getting more prominent looked as though what I was saying just was not helping my case whatsoever at this moment. He almost looked ready to run.
"THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT BETTER!"
Sytamni's words pierced the air as I began to feel sick to my stomach- It felt like I was in a losing battle right now. This was worse than when we were all fighting the guardians of the trees- This... This was regret and shame felt like, wasn't it? Shame of my actions- My words. But I just.. had to get those books back. He could use those as evidence against me if he wanted to tell others... And I didn't want that. This was bad enough as it was.
"G-Give the books back, Syt- Please, I'm tired, I feel weak as all shit-"
"You are insane..." He cut me off, his voice like venom as I stared down at him. Those words, those words were all too familiar. They were what that Elytrian had told me once... So long ago... But now I couldn't change anything. I had no more influence on how to change all of this. This situation was fucked.
"As if I hadn't been told that before."
A half-hearted chuckle escaped my lips as I held my head down- Allowing him to speak.
"First you kill someone... Then you do that again..." The Silverfolk began, rage evident in his voice as he spoke. I didn't even have the courage to look up towards him. It was like he was judging me for all of the sins I had made before now.
"Then you nearly killed Chizzy that one TIME-" Those were the words that got me to open my eyes and look towards him now. I was in fear for what he was assuming from all of this- In which he had said that I had probably killed more than what I had told him... It felt like a pit had formed in my stomach. I didn't want him to think of me this way.
I tried to explain myself to him, but he just- He wouldn't fucking listen. I felt my eyes stinging as I pleaded for him to understand- But he didn't.
"You can have these books back... I don't want anything more to do with you."
That.. was it, then. He said something else that I.. just didn't listen to, before he walked past me as I stared at the books he had dropped before leaving, and I fell to my knees. He.. He's stopped caring for anything I had to say. He left me- Even after everything we've been through... He's stopped caring about me. All of this shit happened after he 'saved' me, and now he's left me.
So why should I care?