'Ze Spying Mission

'Ze Spying Mission: A Tale of Squidward and Patrick is an episode written by Golfpecks256, Chairman of Banana Studios, Inc., as an entry for the seventh round of the second season of Spin Off Kings.
==Transcript==
"'Ze Spying Mission: A Tale of Squidward and Patrick"
French Narrator: Ah, de ocean is deeming with life, but [explosion] [gasps]
[Scene zooms to the Krusty Krab going on lockdown, red lights flashing everywhere, Mr. Krabs yelling through the speakers]
Mr. Krabs: CODE RED! CODE RED! ALL KRUSTY KREW MUST REPORT FOR DUTY, IMMEDIATELY!
[Squidward, unbothered, and Patrick, sweating in fear, rush to Mr. Krabs' Office]
Mr. Krabs: [seated backwards from them, turns / spins around in a dark way] Gentlefish, this is a national emergency.
[Holograph of a spinning globe in the background appears, and another holograph revealing SpongeBob and Plankton driving out of town]
Mr. Krabs: So, gentlemen, as you can see with your own eyes in their sockets, our top employee has been reported to be heading out somewhere with our arch nemesis and one-eyed copepod with the most devilish of looks.
Squidward: [sighs with hands on his chin holding up his head]
Patrick: [scared] OH NO!
Mr. Krabs: This one-eyed beasty has sabotaged our number #1 fry-cook with one of his dirty plots and schemes. SpongeBob has been... [alarm bells ringing] BRAINWASHED!!!!!
Patrick: [starts crying] NOOOOOOOO! Oh heaven's why?!?! Why does this have to happen to me?! Why does it have to happen to my ONLY BEST FRIEND!
Squidward: Mr. Krabs, they might just be going for a short drive to the countryside... No biggie, sir! [frowns]
Mr. Krabs: [enraged] MR. SQUIDWARD! No interruptions. SpongeBob could be giving Plankton a Krabby Patty. [waves arms] Or worst, the secret formula! [panicking and starts sobbing] OR EVEN WORSE, SPONGEBOB COULD BE ACCEPTING AN OFFER TO WORK WITH HIM! [faints on Squidward]
Squidward: [crosses arms] Oh, c'mon, Eugene! Get a hold of yourself! [shoves Mr. Krabs off of him]
Patrick: This is a call to action! Only for the best sponge jacked by a small germ!
Mr. Krabs: [reinvigorates] Right-O, Mr. Star! Plankton and me Boyyo are going somewhere unknown, so time is running out, and I am officially tasking you TWO loyal employees and companions to each other to investigate their whereabouts and spy on Plankton's pursuit and enterprise of our good name!
Squidward: Krabs, you've gotta be kidding me! I'm not going out with this knucklehead! [smudges his own face]
Mr. Krabs: [yells] Mr. Squidward!
Squidward: [wails] But Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: [yells] Mr. Squidward!
Squidward: [wails] But Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: [yells louder] MR. SQUIDWARD!
Squidward: [wails] But Mister- [smacks himself in the face]
Patrick: Yahoo!! This is the best day ever! [grabs and pulls in Squidward's face] You and me get to be spy buddies! [slightly drools on Squidward's face] [claps] [excitedly] Am I right?!
Squidward: [miserable] [gets up and bangs Mr. Krabs' desk with his fists] I AM NOT TAKING TIME OUT OF MY DAY TO GO WITH PINKY TO FIND AND SPY ON THAT YELLOW STOOGE!
Patrick: [growls]
Mr. Krabs: Or else you're FIRED!
[Squidward gets a flashback of the time he got fired in the episode, "Can You Spare a Dime?" and lived as a homeless man in a box]
Squidward: [disgruntled] [crosses arms] Okay, fine!
Patrick: Squidward has turned the tide! [starts clapping] So nice to see!
Mr. Krabs: Well then, you two laddies will need some special spy gear equipment, of course! [unveils two black suitcases] In these here suitcases are packed some walkie-talkies,
Patrick: [gleaming] Ooo!
Mr. Krabs: Some periscopes!
Patrick: [thumbs up] Neat!
Mr. Krabs: Some jetpacks!
Patrick: [hollers] Awesome!
Mr. Krabs: And finally... some invisible spray!
Patrick: [yells in Squidward's ear] THIS IS THE BEEEEESSSSSSTTTTTT DAY EEEEEVVVVVVEEEEEERRRRR!
Squidward: [clasps ears] Ow! Patrick!
Mr. Krabs: Men, there's no time to waste. Please take these here black suitcases and jump aboard the Patty Wagon Deluxe!
Patrick: What does deluxe mean?
Mr. Krabs: You'll see!
[Squidward and Patrick climb up the Patty Wagon Deluxe]
Squidward: Hey! What about you, Eugene? Why don't you tag along?
Mr. Krabs: [throws the keys into Squidward's face] Sorry Squidward, I've got a life! [dashes off]
Mr. Krabs: [through the walkie-talkie] I'll still be monitoring your progress and Mission Control, so [yells] GET BACK TO WORK!
Patrick: [laughs] Hehe! We get to be... Spy Buddies!
Squidward: Patrick, grow up! And I will be driving the Patty Wagon!
Patrick: [slaps Squidward's arms] No, I WILL!
Squidward: [restrains Patrick and ties him to his seat with a rope] STAY THERE. You can't drive a car! [forces a seatbelt onto Patrick]
Patrick: Let me out!
[Squidward starts the engine of the car and starts driving onto the road where Plankton was last seen driving SpongeBob on]
French Narrator: Five minutes later...
Patrick: Boring! [fidgets with his seatbelt] Oh, c'mon! I just want to have a nacho snack!
Squidward: Sit tight! I'm driving! [looks through binoculars] I can see SpongeBob and Plankton in a black car on the horizon!
Patrick: Ooo! What does this do?
Squidward: [gasps]
Patrick: [touches button]
[In the split of a second, the Patty Wagon Deluxe starts flying]
Squidward: [covers face] PATRICK, YOU BUFFOON! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT I AM AFRAID OF HEIGHTS!
Patrick: [scratches head] Oopsie!
[Squidward stops touching the steering wheel and the Patty Wagon Deluxe crashes into the ground, and Squidward and Patrick are covered in ashes of smoke]
Mr. Krabs: [through the walkie-talkie] Mr. Squidward! Is everything going smoothly?
Squidward: [sweats] Uh, duh, yes, Mr. Krabs! We're all just fine! We'll catch up to SpongeBob and Plankton faster than you can count! [turns off walkie-talkie]
Squidward: Great, now we're both screwed when Mr. Krabs takes a look at the extent of our mess! How do we possibly keep up with Plankton and SpongeBob?!
Patrick: Uhhhhh.......... [falls back seat]
Squidward: [notices the two black suitcases on Patrick's side] Hmm, let's take a look here. [opens suitcases] We've got some invisible spray, some walkie-talkies, some periscopes, a Dodo Bird, ... 
Dodo Bird: [pecks Squidward's forehead]
Squidward: Ow! [throws it in the air] Wait, did you sneak one of those in, Patrick?
Patrick: Uh... I don't know. [sheepishly smiles]
Squidward: Hm! Oh yes, this is great. We also have some jetpacks!
Patrick: I want to try! I want to try!
Squidward: [puts jetpack on and gives one to Patrick] Oh Neptune... does this mean we have to go back to extreme heights again...
Patrick: [puts some shades on Squidward] Let's wear these so we look cool! Like real spies!
Squidward: Let's fly low so the gang ahead doesn't notice us. [winks]
Patrick: Aww... I would love to do some tricks in the air.
Squidward: No time for that! [attaches black suitcases to the jetpacks] There we go. Let's launch in five, four, three, two,
Patrick: LAUNCH! [starts jetpack and smothers Squidward's face]
Squidward: Hey! [starts jetpack]
Patrick: [laughs] Oh, this is the best day [throws arms in the air] EVER!
[Squidward catches up to Patrick]
Squidward: [notices SpongeBob and Plankton a little far out on the abandoned highway out of town] It looks like we're gaining on the two!
[Squidward and Patrick continue to fly, and then they notice Plankton and SpongeBob parking outside of a casino and going inside]
Squidward: What could they possibly be doing there?
Patrick: Wait, HOW DO WE STOP THIS THING?!
Squidward: Uh... [starts sweating] I know! Press this red button! [pushes red button for hyper speed] WOAH! AHHHHHHH!
[Both Squidward and Patrick crash into the ground outside of the casino, covered in smithereens]
Patrick: WOW! That was fun!
Squidward: Ughh. [gets up] Anyway, let's enter this place through the roof!
[Squidward and Patrick walk to the building and Squidward throws a rope with a sharp, curvy hook to the top]
Squidward: [gestures for Patrick to go first]
Patrick: Nah... [bows down] After you, my good man!
[Squidward climbs up the rope with his black suitcase and reaches the roof. Patrick then joins him with his black suitcase as well]
Patrick: Boy, this is going to be fun! Do casinos have ice cream!
Squidward: No. Let's enter through that large air vent.
[Squidward and Patrick enter the air vent and then immediately fall into a network of vents, some damp and soaking wet]
Squidward: [notices his clothes are soaked] Ugh. Follow me. Let's not be lost in this place forever.
[Squidward takes Patrick to an opening in the endless network of vents]
Squidward: This has got to be it!
[Squidward and Patrick jump through the hole and land inside a freezer]
Squidward: Holy tentacles! This place is cold!
Patrick: Uh.. feels great.
Squidward: [runs towards the exit and opens handle] Oh, Thank Neptune this can open. [gets flashback of the time he was stuck with the Krusty Krew in the Krusty Krab's vents during the anniversary of the establishment]
Patrick: Stop daydreaming, Squiddy! We've got a mission to do!
Squidward: Right. [notices SpongeBob and Plankton down the corridor in the slot machine room] Oh, I see the two numbskulls gambling! We've gotta get a closer look!
[SpongeBob, continuing to chat with Plankton, walks in their direction]
Squidward: Quick! Behind those curtains! [pushes Patrick]
Patrick: Geez.
[Squidward and Patrick listen in]
SpongeBob: Gee, Plankton! I never knew you liked casinos!
Plankton: Always a fun way to pass the time, when that stupid crustacean always stains my life.
[SpongeBob and Plankton walk towards a poker table]
Squidward: Hmm. I never knew Plankton loved gambling. Maybe he's doing this to become rich or to entice SpongeBob into giving into him.
Patrick: Can I go get a snack from the snack bar?
Squidward: [smudges face] Knock yourself out.
[Patrick walks over to the snack bar, not realizing SpongeBob was walking there too]
Squidward: [notices SpongeBob approaching Patrick] [gasps]
SpongeBob: Oh hello Pat! Whatcha doing here, bud?
Patrick: Oh, I came for, uh, uh... [sweating] covfefe!
SpongeBob: Oh, what does that mean?
Patrick: [whispers] I think it means another word for ice cream.
SpongeBob: Well! They do have some ice cream! [points]
Patrick: Yay! Let's dig in!
[Patrick leaps and smashes through the glass and vacuums all the ice cream left into his mouth]
Bar handler: Sir, you do realize you have to pay for that.
Patrick: Oh, [swats hand] of course. [picks up SpongeBob's wallet from his back pocket and dumps all the money] Here's your cash, my good man!
SpongeBob: [sheepishly smiles] Any left overs for me, buddy? Hehe?
Patrick: [walks away full and fed]
Mr. Krabs: [through the walkie-talkie] Mr. Squidward, any updates?
Squidward: Krabs, Patrick might've spoiled our mission.
Patrick: Did someone say spoil?
Mr. Krabs: How?
Squidward: He goofed off with SpongeBob.
Mr. Krabs: Does Plankton know you two are there?
Squidward: No. I don't think so.
[Scene transitions to SpongeBob and Plankton eating some snacks]
SpongeBob: Hey, the weirdest thing just happened to me. Patrick appeared out of nowhere and just ate all the ice cream using my money.
Plankton: Why didn't you kill him for that?
SpongeBob: Well, he is my best friend. 
Squidward: [using periscope, which peaks out of the curtains] [through walkie-talkie] Oh Neptune. They're talking about Patrick.
Mr. Krabs: Grrr! Patrick!
Squidward: [whispers] You dumbfounded, pinhead cluck!
Patrick: Oopsie.
Plankton: [notices periscope peaking out of the curtains] Hey, [points] What's that?
SpongeBob: Hmm, I don't know but let's find out!
Squidward: [gasps] QUICK! The invisible spray!
[Patrick searches suitcase quickly]
Patrick: I can't find it.
Squidward: D'oh. [searches] It's right here, dumbbell! [sprays it on both of them and they become invisible]
[SpongeBob opens curtains]
SpongeBob: Hey! I found some pretty cool gadgets behind this!
Plankton: Oooo! Some periscopes and shades!
SpongeBob: Two jetpacks and [notices Squidward's walkie-talkie] a walkie-talkie!
Plankton: A wallet full of cash!
Squidward: [to himself] D'oh!
SpongeBob: Woah, there's even invisible spray! [flashbacks to the time he did a prank with Patrick using it] Boy, those were the days, haha.
[Squidward and Patrick sneak out invisible from the curtains]
Mr. Krabs: Hello? Hello? Is anyone there?
Plankton: If it ain't Krabs himself? Thanks for the supplies Krabs!
Squidward: [whispers in the distance to Patrick] Great, now we have no spying supplies!
[Scene transitions back]
Mr. Krabs: Plankton! What are you doing with me equipment, ya green menace!
Plankton: I don't know, Krabs. Maybe train your puppets to be a little LESS OBVIOUS! Hehe.
Mr. Krabs: [to the walkie-talkie in Patrick's pants] Hello? Is this Agent Squidward?
Patrick: No, [through a megaphone] [jumps in anger] THIS IS AGENT PATRICK!
[Patrick accidentally trips over a bucket of water used by the cleaning lady and the invisible spray is gone from both of them. Squidward jumps under a nearby table. The crowd gasps. Someone calls the police]
SpongeBob: Woah, Patrick? [notices Squidward under a nearby table] Squidward? What are you both up to?
Patrick: [dumb] [waves] Hi SpongeBob!
Plankton: [growls] KRABS! What is this?!
Mr. Krabs: Stop stealing and abducting me number #1 fry cook, you green sleezeball! You'll never steal the formula or me boyyo, NEEEVVVVEEEEERRRRR!
Plankton: WOW, this is the most pathetic and failed spy mission I've ever laid my eyes on!
Squidward: [short flashback of his unemployment] [whispers to himself] Oh Neptune. Why?!?!
Patrick: [whispers] Peesh. Squidward! I can see some bright, vibrant lights ahead outside that window!
[police sirens ring]
Police #1: [through a megaphone] THIS IS THE POLICE! HANDS UP! HANDS UP!
[the police rush in and handcuff Plankton]
Plankton: WHAT?! LET ME GO!
Police #2: Sir, you are being arrested for bank fraud.
Police Chief: [shakes Patrick's and Squidward's hands] Thank you, good citizens, for catching this crook in his tracks!
Mr. Krabs: [through the walkie-talkie] [laughs] Hehehehehe. This is even better! Bye Planky!
Mr. Krabs: But SpongeBob, what were you doing with Plankton?! I was having a meltdown in tears over the sight of you leaving down!
SpongeBob: You didn't realize, Mr. K? Today is his birthday!
Squidward: It must be feel nice to go to the slammer on your birthday.
Mr. Krabs: Oh boyyo, you almost gave me a heart attack, phew. I thought you were going to leak the formula or work with this pathogen. Just don't go out with this green "meme" again. You had me worried. [through the megaphone] NOW GET BACK TO WORK!
[Everyone in the casino starts happily laughing and the episode ends there]
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