Cop Sayings

•"You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on this ticket, huh?"
•"Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
•"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a dog or cat?"
•"Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
•"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
•"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
•"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
•"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
•"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
•"Now exactly how big were those 'Just two beers' you had?"
•"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
•"I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Paulk is a personal friend of yours. You know someone who can post your bail."
•"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here.
•A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting many. Then, he discovered the problem - a 10-year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD". The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading "TIPS" and a bucket full of change.
•A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.
•A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the motorcycle officer walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolmen's Ball."
He replied, "Highway patrolmen don't have balls."
There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car for several minutes. 
Category:Government Humor