Transcripts 2004-03

Transcripts from March 2004 strips.
==March 1==
Panel 1Kevin and Susan are standing in a server room. Kevin is looking into the camera with a disgusted face, and Susan is glancing sideways at Kevin.Susan: GCHQ are going to go mental when they find out you hit the beaker!Kevin: Oh come on! The system has been up non stop for over a year! How can they complain about a little down time?Susan: They still will and you know it!Panel 2Close-up of a large red wall-mounted button. A sign with white letters on a red background reads,EMERGENCY STOPDO NOT PRESSUNLESS YOU REALLY,REALLY MEAN IT!Kevin (off-panel): A UPS caught fire for Christ's sake! I HAD to cut all power to the Oracle! Surely they must see that!Panel 3Close-up of a smoking tower with a dirty rag sticking out of a vent.Susan (off-panel): Yes, but I think the problems will start when they find out the REASON that the UPS caught fire is because you stuffed it full of oily rags!Kevin (off-panel): So I was cleaning it and forgot they were there! Accidents happen!
==March 5==
Panel 1Kevin looks over his shoulder while talking into a mobile phone.Naps, PLEASE tell me you're calling to say everything is going to plan? They'll be crawling up my arse any second here!Nathan (phone): Sorry but you're going to have to stall the governors if you want a copy of this! I've run into some BIG problems just looking at the disks!Panel 2Nathan is sitting at a workstation and is wearing a headset microphone and glossy sunglasses. There is a swimsuit calendar for March on the wall, featuring a vixen.Nathan: Something has corrupted the whole file system! The Oracle can read it fine but nothing else can! I can't copy a thing!Panel 3Kevin is facing the opposite direction from in panel 1, looking angry.Kevin: Hold on, your telling me the file system is now different and can't be read by our machines?Nathan (phone): Yes! No one installed Windows on this thing did they?
==March 8==
Panel 1Kevin is rummaging in a metal case, while Susan stands behind him, giving him a questioning look.Susan: If Naps can't make copies of the drives, what are you going to do?Kevin: I'm going to take out the RAID backup disks and replace them with blanks and hope no one notices!Susan: But all of those disks are locked into their racks!Panel 2Kevin holds up a power drill with a grin of mischief.Kevin: Why do you think I brought my "lock pick?"
==March 12==
The Church of Poisoned Minds
Panel 1Black-and-white monochrome strip. Al is smiling into the camera and gesturing to his left.Al: Sorry for another Church strip so soon, but I've just been doing some thinking. On March the 11th I turned 25, and I considered what I've achieved in that time on this planet.Panel 2A desktop computer set-up with a "dead" face on the monitor, some papers on the left, and a floating page labelled "BILL" next to it.Caption: At this time I have no real job, no property (just like my bone idle siblings we're still with our parents). All I have to my name that isn't junk is a computer that STILL doesn't work right (although it's a lot better then before), a pile of stupid drawings, a website and a £600 credit card bill!Panel 3Close-up of Al's grinning face.Al: By my age my dad had a son (me), had a steady manual labour job at a metal workers and a mortgage. That kinda puts things in perspective doesn't it? ... I'm obviously doing a lot better than him so far!
==March 14==
Panel 1Kevin stands next to Nathan's cubicle, looking away with one hand on the cubicle wall and the other in his pocket. Nathan is sitting at his workstation but looks backward over his shoulder.Caption: DAYS LATERKevin: Naps, you got anywhere with those drives yet? I would be SO happy if you say yes!Nathan: Sorry but I'm going to have to disappoint you Kevin...Panel 2View from behind Nathan's monitor, looking at Nathan and Kevin, who is looking over Nathan's shoulder with an angry glare.Nathan: At first I thought you had grabbed the wrong disks and I had the encrypted data drive's, so I pulled the ID data from the drives FAT. These ARE the Oracle executables!Panel 3Nathan's monitor, at an angle. Screen displays three tables, one of binary, one of hexadecimal, and one of indecipherable code.Nathan (off-panel): Not only is the file system different, the operating system and the program files are GONE! All that's left is this gibberish! The oracle shouldn't be able to work like this... But it does!
==March 19==
Panel 1Side view of Nathan at his workstation and Kevin looking over Nathan's shoulder.Kevin: Okay this is getting weirder by the second and it still doesn't get us any closer to what's going on!Nathan: Actually it might! Well, I've got a theory anyway. Remember that one of the big selling points of this thing was it self repairing?Panel 2Nathan is at his workstation, but now Chris is beside him, a smirk on his face.Caption (Nathan): I have absolutely no idea how that works and the only person that did is in a jar in the server hall! Chris himself showed me the code once and it gave me a headache! However I remember him saying that had couldn't wait to see this system run for a few years to see how much it had improved itself!Panel 3Chris writing on a greasy box with a ballpoint pen, sticking his tongue out in concentration.Caption (Nathan): I would have tried digging up the design for the Oracle but we both know how useless Chris was at paperwork. His whole system was designed on pizza boxes, post-it notes and once the back of a train's toilet door!Off-panel (?): I was eating that...
==March 22==
Panel 1Kevin points at Nathan's monitor in aggravation as Nathan continues talking. The swimsuit calendar is again visible on the cubicle wall. Nathan's dialogue spills over to panel 2.Kevin: Naps, you're getting sidetracked. Tell me something I DON'T know, like what's this gobbledegook has to do with anything?Nathan: I'm just saying we have no idea how this thing works and at what level it was designed to improve it's code. The thing looks like it's totally re-written itself! Also Chris was an immature little sod and we've no idea what he's left in there... And if that's being "improved" too we could have big problems!Panel 2Close-up of Chris's urn atop a server tower, with part of the plaque reading "CHRIS... 1977-2..." visible. Other computers are visible in the background, on a metal shelf.
==March 26==
Panel 1Completely black-and-white monochrome comic, centering on two deliberately silhouetted characters to obscure the speakers' identities. Likely identities for the first speaker are the Governor or some other higher authority. The speaker has ears folded back in anger and hands down as though having slammed them on a desk.Caption: LATER...Speaker: WHAT!?Speaker: I could easily fire you for what you've done and now you're telling me to shut the Oracle down?! You've got some balls Kevin I'll give you that!Panel 2Kevin glares back at the speaker.Kevin: With all due respect sir, when your computer system rewrites it's entire code and starts phoning people by itself, I'd call that a security risk!Panel 3The camera pans back to show both the speaker and Kevin. The speaker has relaxed his ears but is still angry.Speaker: The fact that I agree is the only reason you're not sitting in a cell right now!Speaker: But if you pull something like this again, I swear that the only IT job you'll be able to find will be in a call centre in India!
==March 29==
Panel 1Completely black-and-white monochrome comic, still featuring Kevin and the speaker from the prior comic. The speaker is on the phone and glaring at Kevin, who has his arms crossed and is glaring back.Speaker: Sir can I put forward a request for some down time on the Oracle? There have been a few security worries that have been brought to my attention.Phone: It's inconvenient, but I'm sure we can seclude a few hours next month.Panel 2The speaker winces while talking.Speaker: Um sir, I've been informed that the staff need at least a few weeks to check the system over!Phone: WHAT!!! We can't afford that! Do you know how important that system is now?Panel 3The speaker relaxes slightly but still appears concerned.Speaker: Yes sir, with the recent terrorist attacks and Israel pissing everyone off I can understand tha...Phone: Not THAT you idiot! We're making a deal with the Americans to use the system and this could put them off! Although they often buy stuff that doesn't work I don't want to risk it!
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