Saving Private Squidward

Saving Private Squidward
Squidward and Plankton join the army, while Patrick joins a goth rock band.
Season: 5 Episode: 4
Total Episode Count: 84
Prod. no.: 4ACX34
Featuring: SpongeBob, Sandy, Patrick, Plankton, Squidward
Also Appearing: Splash Log, Vern and Johnny, Sergeant Extreme, Major Awesome, Jenkins, Peggy, Marilyn Manson, Madonna, Mickey Rooney, Minnie Driver, Zinedine Zidane, Muddy Waters, Gergory Peck, George W. Bush, Dr. Katz, Brad Garrett, Ashle Simpson, Will Smith, Bob Geldof, MC Hammer, Michael Jackson, Mayor Johnny East, Pearl
Plot: A UO Army recruiter visits Patrick's school, giving a picture of army life consisting of women in bikinis, money, and Oscer awards (with the disclaimer, "Your experience may differ"). Patrick is impressed, and tells his friends he wants to join. While SpongeBob is up for the idea, Sandy overrules, and decides to find another activity to distract him.
SpongeBob notices a metal band practicing at the school, and introduces Patrick. They doubt Patrick can sing, but are impressed by his scream when SpongeBob drops a piano on Patrick's foot. The band, Splash Log, is a hit with Patrick singing "Evil, Evil Sea Monkey" at a school dance, but the noise and antisocial attitude Patrick picks up bothers Sandy and SpongeBob who both think it's much worse than when SpongeBob tried to cover up his farts by coughing during a PTA meeting. They notice he's a fan of Marilyn Manson, sp they confront Manson at the Grammy Awards. He goes back to the house to talk to Patrick. Manson encourages Patrick to respect his parents and be a responsible citizen. He also suggests that SpongeBob and Patrick an activity like camping.
Meanwhile, Squidward is outraged by the army's distortions, and, along with Plankton, gpes to the recruiting station to complain. However, Plankton is impressed by the guns and enlists himself and Squidward (as there is a $100 bonus for enlisting a friend). Squidward does poorly at boot camp - not least because of lack of physical excercise prior to joining - and plans to desert, but Plankton encourages to stay, pointing out that Squidward has never completed anything he's ever started. They pass basic training and are deployed to Iraq, but after a terroist attack on their patrol, attempt to get discharged.
They first attempt to show that they are 'not Army material' in front of other soldiers by pretending to be gay, but when an officer asks if he can join in, they give up. Next, they attempt to go hom wounded. After a small debate over Plankton asking Squidward to shoot him in the foot (as they can tell by the angle) they both attempt to shoot each other in the foot. Plankton, presumably because of his carrying a Colt M1911 around with him most days, hits, but Squidward misses. Plankton changes his mind, but Squidward chases him whilst hopping on his good foot. Plankton attempts to pretend he has been shot, but Squidward shoots him again for good measure. However, this does not work wither as the Army 'takes whatever they can find' - there are two dead people guarding the ammutation. Fortunately for them, democracy abruptly kicks in exactly as George W. Bush predicted, allowing them to go home.
==Cutaways==
#Mickey Rooney
#Distractions
#Dr. Katz
#The Horse Whisperer
#Muddy Waters
#Granting wishes
#Zinedine Zidane
#Gregory Peck's kids
#No clip
#SpongeBob covers his farts
#Minnie Driver
#Democracy kicks in montage
#Vision of Democracy
#Distracting the guard
==Trivia==
*This episode was supposed to be called "Road to Iraq".
==Deleted Scenes==
#Shot a baby in Iraq
#Kelly Ripa
#Patrick beats us Fred
==Rating==
TV-14: DLSV
==Gallery==
EpC.png|French title card
PIoh.png|Japanese title card
ACp.png|Spanish title card
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