Bath House Blues

The fourth chapter of Total Drama Tokyo, posted on February 13, 2012.
==Story==
"Last time on Total Drama Tokyo, the contestants were stuck in Russia. They then went on boats, and did stuff on the boats... Julian was stuck in a deserted island, while Ari and Roz ran into Dolph. Other things happened, and the Dharmas won. The Tanukis voted off Gail, since she made them run into some evil and hungry sharks... Who will get the boot next? Find out today on Total... Drama... Tokyo!"
The Dharmas are in their cool hotel, hanging out.
"I can't believe we're finally in Tokyo. I've been wanting to go here for so long!" says Casey.
"Uhh, last episode you said that Tokyo was, er, a rude word," says Puck.
"Meh, it doesn't matter. We're here," says Casey. "What do you think our next challenge is gonna be?"
"I don't care," says Neal, while playing a video game.
"I'm with ya, kid," says Layla, while Charles is giving her a sponge bath. "Charles, scrub faster. I ain't getting any younger."
Charles sighs, and scrubs the sponge around Layla's moist body.
Wolfgang is asleep, and snoring loudly.
"He's annoying, I hate people who snore," says Layla. "Charles, wake him up."
"But I'm giving you a sponge bath," says Charles. "You can't expect me to multitask, can you?"
"Actually, I can. Do it," says Layla.
"But Wolfgang's a little, er, dangerous," says Casey.
"So is that chick over there," says Layla, pointing to Delia, who is reading a book in the corner.
Puck approaches Delia. "Hey, what's up? What book is that?"
"You know, it's a book about ponies... You wouldn't care," says Delia softly.
"I LOVE PONIES!" yells Puck. "Can I borrow it?"
"No," says Delia even more softly. "Especially since the ponies are kelpies, ferocious Celtic water spirits that lure you to go into the water, then drag you down to your death."
"Even better..." says Puck nervously.
Puck says in the confessional, "Delia's creepy... But she's hot. And hotness trumps creepiness, any day."
Charles is twiddling his thumbs, while Layla is still in the bathtub.
"Charles, I'm waiting for you to wake up Wolfgang," says Layla.
Charles sighs. He approaches the snoring Wolfgang, and pokes him with a pencil.
Wolfgang tosses and turns in his sleep, grunting.
Charles takes out some scissors, and cuts Wolfgang's hair.
Wolfgang wakes up. He stares at Charles for a moment, then screams at the top of his lungs extremely loudly, in an incredibly deep voice. He then goes back to sleep.
"Is this real life?" asks Puck.
"Yes, Puck, this is real life," says Charles. "Layla, that was painful."
"50 push ups, stat," says Layla.
Charles sighs, and gets on the floor. He rips off his shirt, revealing an extremely buff body with a 12-pack, then does the 50 push ups in less than a second.
"Well then," says Casey.
The scene then changes to the Fish Tails' dorm.
"Four episodes in and no elimination yet. I must say, I thought we were gonna suck @$$, but we're doing a'ight," says Anderson.
"Gee, thanks for the kind words," says Estrella.
"You're welcome, m'lady," says Anderson.
"Anderson, wanna play my new game, Groundrim?" asks Tolkien. "I've been addicted. It's the best game ever."
"Oh, so that's where you've been for the last day and a half. Where did you get the game?" asks Julian, while playing the drums loudly.
"Some shady dude in a dark alley," says Tolkien.
The scene switches to some shady dude in a dark alley. He has a bag full of Groundrim games, and is passing them out to strangers who walk by. He is dressed in a trenchcoat and a top hat, so you cannot see his face.
"Hey, man, can I have a game?" asks a tourist, walking up to him.
"Oh, yes. Here you go," says the guy. He hands the tourist a Groundrim game.
"Thanks, man. You're the best," says the tourist, and he walks away.
The shady guy says to himself, "I forgot to mention that those games are illegally downloaded, and anyone who owns one may be arrested." He then rips off his top hat, and the scene immediately changes before it is revealed who he is.
"I think it was Dolph," says Tolkien. "Sure reminds me of him."
"What would Dolph be doing in Japan?" asks Shawn.
"I don't know man, that Nyan cat can go up to 2000 miles per hour..." says Anderson.
"Hey, babe, what's the haps?" asks Julian, walking up to Estrella.
"Sorry, dude, but I'm really not in the mood. So, get outta here before I do something," says Estrella.
"I'll do something if you and Shawn don't date," says Yuri, popping out of nowhere.
"Shut up, Yuri," says everyone.
"I'll shut you up," says Yuri threateningly. "Oh, by the way, who wants to hear my new fanfic?"
Everyone stares at her, then resumes to what they were doing beforehand.
"Aww, come on, guys. It's an Owen x Brick one. It's called, 'The Brick and the Brick'," says Yuri.
"They weren't even on the same season..." says Shawn.
"Oh, guys, how do you like ROTI so far?" asks Roz, swinging down from the ceiling. "Me and Ari are watching it."
"I didn't want to, but she strapped me to a chair..." says Ari. Roz giggles sheepishly. 
The scene then changes to the Wily Tanukis, or what's left of them.
"You're looking at the new Team Victory, right here," says Thomas.
"Don't be so down on yourself, honey," says Horatio.
"Honey?" says Thomas.
"Honey is a yummy food," says Flora happily. "I also like going to Mickey D's. You guys?"
"I really want to say PJ right now, but that meme is basically over, so I don't want a resurgence..." says Kai. "Who wants to see some magic?"
"I hate magic," says Thomas.
"Don't hate the player, hate the game," says Vivienne.
"I hate the game, too, since I just lost. Darn it, Vivienne," says Thomas.
"Well, do you guys think we have a chance to win the challenge, at all?" asks Vivienne.
"Not really, but whatever. We can go down in history as the crappy team of the season," says Kai.
"Don't be down on yourselves, guys," says Horatio. "Just believe in yourself, and everything will turn out fine."
"Horatio is right," says Flora happily. "If we work together, our goals will be accomplished."
"Don't be so optimistic. We're a failure," says Kai.
"Kai, you still have your magic," says Vivienne. "Don't be sad."
"Failure," says Kai. He then waves his wand and disappears in a cloud of purple smoke.
A noise is then heard outside. The Tanukis, excluding Kai, walk out, and see a gigantic, looming, Japanese building in front of them.
"Funny, I didn't notice that before..." says Thomas.
"Well, hello, everyone," says Chris, floating down. "Thanks to Chef and the Total Drama Tokyo construction crew for constructing this beaut!"
"Oh, man..." says Anderson, looking at the massive building.
"All right, so if you know, this is a bath house," says Chris. "You guys are going to bathe customers, and do other stuff that I tell you to do, all right?"
"Ooh, I like bathing old men!" says Roz.
"Alright, sure. Anyway, you guys have to pick members from the team to fill up the baths and bathe the customers, run the front desks, and make sure nobody eats the food." says Chris. "Believe me. If that food is eaten, there will be SERIOUS consequences. Sound good?"
Puck's stomach growls, and Casey stares at him. "You better not."
"All right, time to split up and start working," says Chris.
The Fish Tails walk to their bath. The people who are running the baths set up their stuff.
Anderson picks up a little pebble and throws it at Layla, on the other team.
"You little twerp. Charles, give him a nice spanking in the buttocks," says Layla.
"Madam, I'd rather not. I'm quite tired," says Charles.
"Oooh. Spank me in the buttocks. Come on, do it," says Anderson, wiggling his butt.
Charles shakes his head, and spanks Anderson extremely hard. His butt gets red.
"Uh, Anderson, don't start a fight," says Roz. "Charles seems feisty."
"I'll get feisty if Julian and Shawn don't date in the next thirty seconds," says Yuri angrily.
"Why? Just why?" says Shawn.
Tolkien stands up. "So, guys, I think we should divide into groups. Me, Anderson, Ari, and Roz can bathe the customers. Julian and Shawn can run the front desk, and Estrella and Yuri can make sure nobody eats the food."
"How did I know?" says Estrella snidely.
"Don't complain, Estrella, we can have fun. I'll tell you about my forum," says Yuri.
"Oy vey," says Estrella, and Yuri grabs Estrella, pulling her to the food tables.
"Uh, guys, will the people we're bathing be..." says Ari. "Clothed?"
"Hopefully," says Tolkien. "Sounds almost as bad as Chatrotate." Ari laughs.
Tolkien says in the confessional, "Yay, Ari's laughing at stuff I say. Either she has a horrible sense of humor or I'm the King of Komedy. Wait, that's my cuz, Kavren."
Anderson takes his clothes off and dives into the bath.
"Whaddya waitin' for, guys? Wanna bathe me?" asks Anderson.
"I don't think you're a customer," says Roz, who is playing with a lighter.
"So? Will someone massage my--" says Anderson.
"EWW NO," says Tolkien.
The bell then rings. Shawn goes over, and lets the first customer in. Elle walks in.
"Hey, guys," says Elle. "I really kind of want a bath."
"I call bathing her," says Tolkien and Anderson simultaneously.
"Relax, guys, there's enough of me to go around. Hehe," says Elle. She takes her shirt off, and puts a towel around her chest, then gets into the bath.
"I'll be..." says Roz. "Anywhere but here."
She climbs onto the ceiling, then disappears.
"So, first, I want you guys to put ointment on my back. I haven't tanned in forever, and it's getting all crackly," says Elle.
Meanwhile, the Mini Dharmas are not doing well.
"We haven't had any customers..." says Casey, from the door.
"And plus, I have all this luscious food in front of me, and I can't eat any of it. I hate you guys," says Neal, in front of the food table.
"I'm content with just taking a bath, personally," says Puck.
Wolfgang flicks Puck.
"Whoa, just take it easy, man," says Puck.
A customer finally rings the bell. "I'm ready to be baaaathed," says a growly voice.
"Let him in," says Casey. Neal walks over to the door and lets the customer in.
"Who wants to take my clothes off for me?" asks Arthur.
"Isabel does," says Layla cunningly.
"I'd love to!" says Isabel. She rushes over to Arthur.
"Wait, no, I was kidding," says Arthur. Isabel takes off Arthur's shirt.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. This is quality entertainment right here," says Neal.
"I'm fine," says Arthur. He jumps into the tub. "Get your soap ready, peeps."
"I refuse to do this," whispers Delia. Wolfgang grunts, and pushes Delia.
"Wolfie, try to 'chill' out. Come on, hang loose!" says Puck. Wolfgang pushes him into the bath, with Arthur. Some bubbles rise out of Arthur's rear, and Puck vomits in the water, then gets out.
"Charles, since you're the only tolerable person here, bathe Arthur," says Layla.
Charles gets a sponge. "I hate my life," he mutters.
"Aaah, that's the stuff," says Arthur. "This is what I came here for."
"For being sponged by an old crotchety butler?" asks Neal. Charles glares at him.
Puck is looking at the food. He drools, and picks up a chicken wing.
Wolfgang slaps him, and Puck puts it down. Wolfgang then points to his groin, and then the water. He leaves.
The second that Wolfgang leaves, Puck picks up the food and begins to scarf it down.
"OH, CRAP, PUCK, DON'T--" says Neal.
There is a poof, and Puck turns into a pig.
"Oink," says Puck.
The scene changes to Thomas, who is walking around in the lobby.
"I gotta find ointment for Vincent..." he says to himself. "Ooh."
Thomas gets into the elevator. Then, a gigantic blobby spirit gets in with him, as well as three bouncing green heads.
"This is so awkward," says Thomas.
The large spirit farts, and three heads bounce around. "Oi! Oi! Oi!"
Thomas stares awkwardly into space as the elevator keeps moving.
He then gets to the top floor, and the radish spirit and the three heads bounce away. Thomas sighs, and walks into a candlelit room.
"Where am I?" he asks.
"Oh, hey, dude," says Casey. "You're in the ointment shop."
"Why are you here, Casey?" he asks.
"I was looking for ointment. Oh, wait..." says Casey. "I shouldn't be talking to you. Get away from me, you jerk."
"Uhh..." says Thomas. "I just want ointment..."
"Oh, well, get it yourself, I'm not helping you," says Casey. "Stupid unpopular guy."
Thomas walks over to the ointment shelf and picks up the ointment. "There, thanks, I guess."
Casey looks at Thomas. He waves at her awkwardly. She then sprints over to him and begins to make out with him. Thomas gasps for air as Casey is violently kissing him. She then releases him, and his face turns green, and he passes out.
"I'm going to go now..." says Thomas.
"Be the Donny to my Chelsey," says Casey seductively.
Thomas says in the confessional, "What is wrong with that chick? And I thought Vivienne was weird."
Thomas then walks past the elevator, deciding to take the stairs instead.
"Aww, man, I'm so screwed!" yells a naked Anderson, running past Thomas.
"Come back here, you little--" says Roz, running past Thomas as well. "We don't want to do this, but we might have to." Roz takes out a lighter. Ari follows her, as well.
"Please don't kill me!" says Anderson, while running.
"Uhhh, we shouldn't kill him..." says Ari.
"I'm just a poor little boy!" whines Anderson. He then ducks into a corner.
"Where'd he go..." says Ari.
"I got him," says Roz. She finds Anderson, picks him up, and continues running, with Ari running as well.
"Where are we taking him?" asks Ari. "To Chris?"
"No, to the bathroom," says Roz. "He's gonna get his just desserts." Roz puts duct tape on Anderson's mouth.
The three get to the bathroom, and Roz takes a towel from a towel rack. Roz gets it wet, and whips Anderson with it in the butt.
"OW!" yells Anderson.
Ari hands Roz a towel, and she whips Anderson with it, again.
"Come on, guys, spare me! I'm just a poor boy!" asks Anderson.
"No! I'm tired of your shenanigans!" says Roz.
"Roz, this isn't a good idea..." says Ari.
"Calm your moobs, gurl," says Roz.
"Fine, I'll stop complaining and being annoying! Just stop whipping me in the butt with these frickin' towels!" says Anderson.
"Our work here is done. Come on, let's take care of some bid-ness," says Roz. Ari follows her.
Tolkien comes in. "Did it happen again?"
"You got it, dude," says Anderson.
Shawn then comes in. "Guys, it's time for the elimination, meet Chris outside."
"My butt is on fire," whines Anderson, on the ground.
"What's wrong with him?" asks Shawn.
"Towel met butt. Many times. Towel won," says Tolkien, and Shawn cringes. 
Chris meets the contestants outside the bathhouse.
"So here's the deal. Tonight will be a reward challenge, as long as nobody touched the food," says Chris.
"Did anyone touch the food?" asks Horatio.
"Uhhh..." says Neal, holding up a pig with a helmet on.
"Oink," says Puck.
"WHAT DID I TELL YOU?!" yells Chris. "I was afraid that would happen. Which is why I told you specifically not to eat the food."
Chris snaps his fingers, and Puck turns back into a human.
"Uhhh. What just happened?" asks a woozy Puck.
"Nothing, nothing at all. You just hit your head," says Casey.
"So, Dharmas, I'll see you at elimination tonight," says Chris.
"Dang it!" says Layla. "You guys suck. Charles, give me a lollipop."
Charles reaches into his satchel and pulls out a lollipop.
"I licked it, I hope you don't mind," says Charles.
"What do you mean, of course I mind! Clean it up," says Layla.
"But..." says Charles.
"NOW," says Layla.
Charles trots away, and lets out a fart.
Puck says in the confessional, "Aww, man, I'm gonna be out tonight... Darn it. Why did I have to eat that food?"
Casey says in the confessional, "Wolfgang or Puck... I can't stop thinking about my new boyfriend, haha."
Wolfgang angrily votes Puck in the confessional, without saying a word.
Chris meets the Dharmas at elimination.
"So, team, what happened? Thought you were gonna be like Over Nine Thousand," says Chris.
"So did we, but I guess not," says Delia softly.
"Delia, you get sushi, same with Neal," says Chris.
The two get their sushi.
"Isabel, and Layla," says Chris.
"Charles, pass me my--" says Layla. "Oh, wait, he's cleaning off my lollipop."
"Casey," says Chris.
"Why, thank you, Chris," says Casey, as she gets her sushi.
"All right... Wolfgang and Puck. Wolfgang, you're a jerk to Puck, who was turned into a pig because of his own stupidity. The sushi goes to..."
"Puck."
"WHOO, YEAH!" says Puck. "Wait, why Wolfie?!"
Wolfgang stares at Puck for a moment. He then begins to talk, in the highest voice imaginable.
"Puck... I hate you. I always did. You're just too much of a CRETIN to notice it. So just bug off and leave me alone!" he snaps.
"I thought you liked me!" says Puck.
"Liked you? LIKED YOU?!" yells Wolfgang. "MY LIFE IS LIKE A FART!" he screams, then runs away.
"...All righty, then. Who will be out next? Will Puck get through a whole episode without making an ice-related pun? I doubt it, but find out next time on Total... Drama... Tokyo!"