Wings of Fire, Honest Edition

Welcome to Wings of Fire again, but it’s satire.
Take none of this seriously.
Will continue.
(By the way I had no clue how to spell Hvitur when I started this, so I tried a few different versions)
=== BOOK 1 ===
Phyrria! I am the great Morrowseer, as you will all know very quickly, and I created the prophecy you’re currently reading.
In short, a bunch of nice little dragons are going to find some eggs. Just make sure to get the right ones…
The eggs of Sky, Mud, Sand, Sea, and Night. Make sure you don’t mess up Sky, or the world will die. Or Night. Night is very important to me… us.
Us Nightwings are better than you, never forget this fact.
There’s three queens, and those eggs will hatch on a day we don’t really care about much to be honest… and choose one of them.
Blister…… Or possibly one of the other two, I suppose…
Believe this prophecy. It’s quite believable, no?
And also… um… Wings of Fire.
The end of the prophecy is here. That’s it. Goodbye… Phyrria. This is for Pyhrria. Not for the plot, nor to foreshadow anything. It’s for Phyrria. 
==== Prologue ====
There was a dragon flying for his life in the storm.
Hvitur clutched the egg in his talons, but he felt wingbeats behind him.
Eventually he got knocked down, though the egg he had been carrying was miraculously unharmed.
Hvtur landed hard, and Sandwing soldiers dropped to the cold ground and stood above him, ripping the egg of out his talons.
Eventually, Burn herself came down. Hevtitur gulped.
She took the egg from her soldier. “You seriously thought you could outrun an army? It was almost lucky for you that literally only me and my soldiers followed, and not any of the Skywing soldiers who were guarding the egg. But, alas, looks like you got caught anyway.”
She started switching the egg back and forth between her talons, Hitluver hoping she wouldn’t drop it or anything.
“Yes. Watch, in a tense silence. It brings me great joy.” Burn slithered, watching him closely as she tossed the egg from talon to talon. “I hope I don’t accidentally drop this thing, and achieve my goal that I came after you to do, that being: destroy this egg...”
“Well, then, be carful. That looks dangerous.” Heetvhueer said.
Burn gave a generic evil laugh. “You actually thought.”
She underhand tossed the egg of the side of the cliff. 
“You FOOL! That was our only hope of getting someone besides you to win! How could you do such a tactically sound yet incredibly horrible thing!?”
“I’m very, very evil. I thought it was kind of obvious, dude.” She said. “I think you’re a bit too dumb to live. Guards, end his misery.”
The guards ripped his wings to shreds and threw him off, too.
“Lets go find something else to kill.” Burn said. “Preferably a cow because I’m starving.”
They flew off into the dark night.
Prologues to the first book are always at night.
==== PART 1 ====
Clay got backhand slapped across the face by one of his guardians, Kestrel. He fell to the ground writing in pain, even though he was a literal dragon who would tank fire streams and volcanic explosions later on.
He lived in a cave with a bunch of other dragons he had been with his whole life. It was pretty boring. Not much happened except getting beat up every once and a while and learning that he was supposed to save the world from a war. As was the chosen one life.
“Get up you slithering, centipede-legged, disgusting, mongrel, fire snorting worm.” Kestrel said.
“Kestrel, you should try being nicer. It’s nice to be nice… and hungry. And nice. But mostly hungry. Lots of people like you and make jokes about how much you think about fo-“
“Shut up about food! Nobody cares! I hate you simply because you’re a child!” She yelled at him, knocking him down with a tail swing.
///
Later on, the Dragonets were reminding themselves about some exposition Webs gave them. They sadly went through acting it out, as the guardians watched their every move for the smallest mistake, since there was absolutely no way they would ever do this on their own.
After that was over, Starflight made sure to pound into their brains just how important they were, especially himself.
“-And so our fate is the world’s fate as well. After we choose a-“
“Starflight, just shut up. You’re such a nerd. Imagine wasting you life on scrolls.” Clay said, walking away.
“Yeah.” Tsunami agreed.
Glory and Sunny nodded.
Starflight was speechless. For once.
///
“Dragonets. We expect you to act respectful even though you have never respected respect-worthy figures in your entire lives. NOW LINE UP. Morrowseer is coming.”
They lined up, facing the exit.
“The name Morrowseer sounds not good. Are we gonna die?” Glory asked.
“Hopefully.” Kestrel said from behind them.
They waited for a bit when a gigantic dragon arrived. The roof magically extended so he could fit. He looked moderately like a brick.
He payed none of them mind except Glory.
“Why is that random Rainwing in here? How did she wander to the other side of Phyrria?” He asked.
Webs sidled up to him. “We… uh… we… kinda… Hittvhureervhureeie kinda… got the Skywing egg… uh… killed…… she’s the replacement…” He muttered, trailing off. 
“Hmmmmm… I didn’t expect this while making my super over-complicated and confusing plan…” Morrowseer whispered to himself.
He looked up at the Guardians. “Get rid of it. We need a Skywing, though I’m not going to tell you why, since it’s a part of my intellectual plot.”
One of the guardians was whispering: ‘can he… do that?’ When Tsunami jumped on him, scratching and biting.
“NOBODY TALKS TO MY HATED RIVAL LIKE THAT!”
Morrowseer picked her up by the wing and launched her into the wall, breaking fourty two of her bones.
“Great job, Seawing. Anyways, I want you Gaurdians to murder that lazy Rainwing in her sleep. You, Nightwing, must come with me. We’re going to a have a little chat about how much better we are than them.” He said, walking off, Starflight behind him.
After he left, Kestrel started screaming at Tsunami for the twentyth… no, twenty second time that day.
“YOU IDIOT! Do you know how simple it would’ve been for him to crush your spine? A FLICK. A FLICK, TSUNAMI! A FLICK!”
Tsunami got up angrily. “Whatever. At least Glory gets to die. I’ll help.” She said angrily. Glory had disappeared. Tsunami angrily walked off into a tunnel, and Clay followed her, worried. She seemed kinda angry. He had to stop her, he was way too nice to ignore it.
“Tsunami. I know you hate her, and I know she’s really mean, and I know she only speaks to be sarcastic, and I know she’s overpowered and you wanted to be the strongest among us, but please. She has a good heart, I promise.”
“I don’t care about organs.” Tsunami said.
“I swear she… uh… we can escape! How does that sound Tsunami? We get out of here, and then ditch her without any murdering!”
Tsunami stopped and considered it. “I guess that’s a good plan.”
///
After getting out through the very-easy-to-find river exit, they finally flew.
“This is pretty neat, I guess. You know, flying for the first time after being trapped in a little cave our entire lives. So incredibly exciting.” Clay said calmly. “Wait… is that… MUD!?!?!??!?!?”
He dived vertically into the ground, nearly breaking his neck.
Tsunami landed next to him and watched him with a disgusted look as he rolled as much as possible in the mud.
“What are you doing?” She asked.
“I-… I can feel the great power within me surging! I also knew exactly what this stuff was without ever seeing it before in my life!” He exclaimed, still rolling in the muck.
She rolled her eyes when he stopped dead, staring into the sky. “Did I just unlock super convenience powers?” He whispered.
“Let’s go.” She mutttered. Angrily.
///
They walked through the woods, for some reason, as they were flying dragons, when they found a scavenger.
It was instantly eaten by a Skywing wearing some epic queenly stuff.
“Are you Scarlet? We’ve heard a ton about you.” Tsunami said.
Scarlet looked at them with a confused expression. “I was supposed to introduce myse… that was some strange déjà vu…”
She went silent before continuing. “First of all, you should call me by my THRILLING title of queen. Second, you look like a great prisoner. You should totally do something to anger me. Give me a reason to be an antagonist, you know how it goes.”
Tsunami shrugged, picked up a sword, and stabbed her in the tail.
“I DIDN’T THINK YOU WOULD ACTUALLY DO IT!!! YOU WILL PAY FOR THAT, KID!!!”
They dodged a stream of fire, and at the exact second they lost sight of her, decided the best course of action would be to go immediately back to their friends in the cave, flying in plain sight.
///
They arrived at the cave, and were able to get the others out. They had been talking for a bit about what to bring.
“It’s important information!” Starflight said, as the others scoffed at his humongous sack of scrolls. “There is so much history here and I couldn’t bear leaving without them. Please... any of you?” He whispered.
Clay thought it over. “Well… I suppose we could use them as kindling. We aren’t nerds, so they would really only be useful to you.”
“PLEASE, PLEAAASE LISTEN TO ME! I HAVE BEEN TALKING THIS ENTIRE TIME AND NOBODY CARES!” Sunny screamed.
“Clay, Clay, buddy. I’m sure they’ll be useful.” Starflight insited.
Suddenly, twenty dragons landed in front of them.
“Hello, dragonets! PREPARE TO BE THRILLINGLY CAPTURED!”
They were rushed and on the ground in moments. When the Gaurdians arrived, they immediately failed at their job. Webs jumped into the river, and since for some reason none of the soldiers knew how to swim, they gave that up. They caught Kestrel, then Scarlet murdered the one nobody remembered the name of.
Scarlet smiled down at them after it was over. “Time to bring some children into my THRILLING arena. How THRILLING it will be to watch you all DIE. I’m sure nothing will go wrong.”
==== PART 2 ====
Clay sadly lay on the incredibly complicated and money-wasting Skywing Prison. Who in their right mind okayed gigantic stone pillars to put a single dragon on top of?
It had been watching some of the arena battles. Queen Scarlet was the most passionate of all the onlookers, screaming her brains out whenever who she thought was going to be the winner started to lose.
A whole lotta blood. If it hardened, would it be like mud? Could he roll in it and gain even more incredible powers? What would happen if he killed his friends and bathed in their blood…?
Suddenly, a Skywing dropped a piece of charred food in front of him. He poked it and it faded away as dust into the wind.
He looked up at her and she smiled. He recoiled.
He stared at her in horror.
“What are you doing JUST IDLING THERE!? YOU’RE MELTING TALONS OFF!” He screamed, nearly falling from the stone pillar.
“Oh. Sorry.” She said, flying away a couple of feet.
“Geez. Who even are you?” He asked.
“I’m Peril! The queen’s thrilling- wait, no, amazing- champion!”
He frowned. “So I guess I’m going to fight you if I survive the first few rounds?” He asked. She nodded. “Better not talk, then. Don’t want to accidentally make friends or something, I’m so nice it happens by accident.”
“But… but I want to talk to you. It’s so boring just doing stuff for Queeny all the time. The other prisoners just keep screeching at me and saying how terrible and horrifying I am.”
“Well that’s sad.” Clay said. He couldn’t help it! He was far too nice not to be nice. And this dragon seemed like one of those people who was on the villain’s side, but would come around eventually and join the protagonists after realizing they were wrong. Just a thought.
They got to talking, and after a bit of explanation, she left.
///
He woke up in the morning to see two guards unchaining Starflight, to take him into the arena.
“Hey! That’s my friend! You can’t do that!” He yelled. Tsunami yelled it from the other side of the pillars too, somehow.
One of them looked in his direction. “Oh, really? I’m sorry about that.” He said. “Would you like to ask the Queen about it?”
“Sure.” Said Clay.
///
They were thrown into Scarlet’s Throne Room. She sneered down on them.
“Ugh, little children. What do you monstrosities of nature want?” She asked snidely.
Clay looked to her left and noticed Glory on a white tree, glowing all sorts of strange colors, a loose rope looped around her neck limply hanged on an crescent hook.
“Scarlet-“
“THRILLING QUEEN SCARLET TO YOU!”
“Thrilling Queen-
“Only I get to use THRILLING, you fool. Just call me Queen Scarlet. It sounds much cooler like that, even though the word THRILLING is perfect in every way and should be overused at any opportunity.”
“Queen Scarlet, I don’t want my friend to die. He’s too weak and slow and mean and bad at fighting and booky to survive out there.” Starflight covered his snout and wept on the floor.
“Hmm… you want to go instead? I would enjoy watching your brutal death, if that’s fine with you.”
“Sure” Clay said. He couldn’t help looking at Glory again. I’ve gotta help her. I mean, she could easily remove that rope from around her neck and walk off, but she isn’t, so I’ve gotta do it.
“Also, while I’m here, where are the others? Sunny and Kestrel?” Clay asked nicely.
“Because I am so extremely confident in my prisons, I shall let you know this information. Sunny (trash name, by the way) shall be sold to Burn when she comes for my THRILLING hatching day party. I’m going to make her wear a little hat. As for Kestrel, she’s in her own personal prison that I had, for some reason. Now, back to your own private a hundred foot tall stone pillars!” She said, waving at the guards to take them away.
to be continued…
Category:Fanfictions
Category:Fanfictions (Semi-Canon)
Category:Mature Content
Category:Genre (Comedy)
Category:Genre (Prophecy)
Category:Genre (Adventure)
Category:Fanfictions (Incomplete)