Here's Hamton

Here's Hamton is an episode from the first season of Tiny Toon Adventures. It features three stories centering around Hamton J. Pig.
== Milk, It Makes a Body Spout ==
Buster and Plucky enter the cafeteria. Plucky proclaims how he is the funniest, but Buster says that he is the funniest. The two decide that whoever makes Hamton squirt milk out of his nose first is the funniest guy in Acme Looniversity. The two sit right in front of Hamton, but Plucky kicks Buster out of his seat. Plucky carves a face out of a potato and talks to Hamton in the voice of "Mr. Spud," saying that he would not want milk to squirt out of his nose. Hamton does not respond, so Plucky makes Mr. Spud eat him. Buster points out that Hamton still has not responded. The rabbit puts potatoes on his head, puts on a red hunting cap, and mimics Elmer Fudd. All of the other students boo him, so Buster breaks a carrot in half, sticks both ends at the bottom of his mouth, and mimics the Tasmanian Devil. Even when Buster screams right in Hamton's face, he still does not respond. Plucky shakes an entire bottle of cola, then swallows the bottle. He rolls over to Hamton and begins to belch "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star." Buster pushes him aside and pushes a plunger on himself to the second half of the tune. Hamton still does not respond. Buster takes a pair of shoes off a bear, ties them around his mouth, blows his body up, then impersonates Foghorn Leghorn. Hamton still does not respond. Plucky says that milk is mucus-forming. Buster asks if Plucky is ready to call it quits, but the duck is not ready to. The duck gets in a mail bag, eats the ends of two slices of bread, puts them together, then hops around calling himself a mailbox. Granny grabs a bag of mail and stuffs it inside the duck. Hamton still does not respond. Plucky decides that he and Buster should work together, so the two make a giant cake with sticks of dynamite on it. Buster lights a stick and they wait for the cake to explode. When it does, loads of white frosting is all over the room. Buster finally gives up. Hamton finally says to the two that did not notice them because he was thinking about a math problem. He gets up and slips on the frosting. Buster and Plucky laugh so hard that milk comes out of their noses, and Hamton soon follows. Buster and Plucky declare it a tie.
== America's Least Wanted ==
Plucky Duck is at Hamton's house watching television. Hamton brings Plucky some popcorn, but the duck does not like it because it has no butter. He goes on a tirade about how if Hamton does not improve, he won't invite himself over to his house anymore. Hamton apologizes and goes to make dinner. Plucky starts channel-surfing until he stumbles upon "America's Top 10 Criminals." The announcer talks about a robber and a kidnapper, Knuckles Cutlet, that looks exactly like Hamton. The announcer says that Knuckles escaped from prison several years ago, but he is probably living under an alias. He goes on to say that Knuckles likes to use blunt instruments on his victims. Plucky looks behind to see Hamton hammering some meat with a hammer. The announcer says that Knuckles is identified by his unusual laugh. Plucky runs away from the television, but returns when the announcer says that a $25,000 reward is announced for Knuckles' capture. Plucky tries to think about whether it is a good idea to turn in his friend, but the reward is too good to refuse. 
Hamton grabs a butcher knife out of his drawer and inches toward Plucky. When the pig's shadow appears to stab the television, Plucky freaks out. It turns out that it was just Hamton cutting into a freshly baked pie which he offers to the duck. Plucky fears that the pie could kill him, so he slowly backs away. Hamton feels that he will hurt his back, so he offers to fluff up his pillow, appearing to smother him with it in the process. Plucky offers to take him for a walk. 
While on the "walk," Hamton compliments the black-and-white striped suit Plucky gave him. Plucky even gives him a ball and chain and passes it off as a hand bracelet. The ball is heavy enough to break the sidewalk, pulling Hamton into the ground. When the police arrive, Plucky pulls Hamton out while attempting to call the police over ("Hey, let me help you out! It's criminal how cheap they make these bracelets today! Hey, you'd love this new joke I heard! It's a killer!"), but they simply ask Hamton where the donut shop is. Plucky turns around to find what appears to be Hamton choking Elmer Fudd. Plucky pulls the pig off, then begins to hit him on the head. Elmer Fudd thanks Hamton for rearranging his sacroiliac, then tells Plucky "No thanks to you, duck" and throws him. Hamton thanks Plucky for the "game we just played," then says that he still has to cook dinner. Plucky thinks that Hamton will hook a drumstick to an electrical socket, electrocuting him. 
Plucky decides to "play 'Moneybag'" and makes Hamton crawl into the bag, which Plucky then rushes to the police office to turn him in for money. While on the way, Plucky runs into some cops delivering bags of money to the First National Bank, drops Hamton, and picks up a bag of money instead of the bag containing Hamton. Plucky takes the bag of money to the police office. The police chief finds that the bag is made of money from the First National Bank. Plucky is placed in jail, but the police chief lets him go free because his friend Hamton paid the bail. The pig goes to take Plucky home, but the duck envisions being buried by the pig. Plucky takes Hamton to the police chief and says that he is Knuckles Cutlet. The police chief says that they arrested Knuckles Cutlet almost an hour ago, then shows him two cops trying to keep the criminal restrained. Plucky envisions his $25,000 reward flying away, so he tries to pry Knuckles out of the cops' hands. A fight breaks out between them, and the police kick out Plucky and one of the pigs while taking in the other. Plucky walks home with "Hamton" and feels that he has learned that he is going to trust his friends from now on. "Hamton" invites him inside, then switches his voice, revealing him to be Knuckles Cutlet. The cartoon ends with Knuckles pursing Plucky.
== Drawn and Buttered ==
Hamton heads to Cap'n Teneal's to buy the biggest lobster available. All of the other lobsters are kicked out by one big lobster, so Hamton picks him. Hamton takes the lobster home, puts him in the sink, and begins cooking him on the stove. Just as Hamton is about to put the lobster in the pot, he is reminded that he forgot the veggies. The lobster replaces the pot with a pile of burning wood and places the pot on the floor. When Hamton returns, he accidentally steps in the pot and jumps high into the air. The lobster crawls into a potbelly stove, thinking that it is an escape route, but climbs out covered in soot. Hamton mistakes him for a cockroach and tries to hit him with a shovel. The lobster is cornered by Hamton, who shows him pictures of his "family" (actually photos that came with the wallet) in an effort to convince the pig to spare him. The lobster runs underneath Hamton and the two begin a swordfight with the lobster using his claw and Hamton using his fork. The lobster ends up knocking Hamton's fork out of his hand. When Hamton bends down to pick it up, the lobster pinches him in the rear, causing the pig to jump so high he breaks the roof of the house. When the pig lands, the lobster wraps him in a carpet, calling him a "pig in a blanket." Just as the lobster is about to exit through a door, Elmyra Duff opens it and starts squeezing the lobster. He escapes and hops in the pot, deciding to take his chances as Hamton's meal.
== External Links ==
* Tiny Toon Adventures Wiki
Category:Tiny Toon Adventures episodes
Category:Tiny Toon Adventures
Category:1991