We're Back! A Dinosaur's Story/Transcript

==Transcript==
BUSTER: Get it, Shorty!
SHORTY: Here, you want it? Here, take it, take it! All right, all right. Come on.
BUSTER: Hey! What about me? What about me?
GEORGE: Here's food. Fight over it.
BUSTER'S MOTHER: Now, George...
GEORGE: Only way they'll learn.
(The birds fighting over worm, who frees for his life.)
BUSTER: That was not fair.
BUSTERS'S MOTHER: Oh, baby, my sweet baby.
CHICKS: Mommy's little birdie. Mommy's little birdie.
BUSTERS'S MOTHER: He's so adorable.
BUSTER: Ma, don't do that. You're acting like I just hatched. What am I, a chick? Guess the writing's on the wall. It's time to leave the nest!
BUSTERS'S MOTHER: Buster, wait! You're still too young.
BUSTER: This flying's a snap. Surprised I ain't done it before.
(The golf cart arrives and Rex hops out.)
BUSTER: Expect a postcard from some place warm. Miami, maybe Cuba. Arrivederci, Mama.
(Buster jumps and falls on the golf ball.)
BUSTER: Hey! wait, what... Hey!
REX: Hello there, little fella. Where'd you fall from?
BUSTER: No place. Just leave me alone.
REX: No place? No place? Never been there. What's your name?
BUSTER: Buster.
REX: Well, Buster, don't you have a mom somewhere that's probably worried about you?
BUSTER: Yeah!
REX: So, what are you gonna endeavor to do now?
BUSTER: I'm gonna run away and join the circus.
REX: Oh, the circus, the circus. Now, you're talking sense. The circus is an ocean with some spice. You know, I know a little fellow who ran away and joined the circus.
BUSTER: Say, ain't you a dinosaur?
REX: Why, yes. From tooth to toe, I am.
BUSTER: Then what the heck are you doing? Playing golf?
REX: I'm smart, Buster. I'm one smart dinosaur. But I wasn't always.
BUSTER: You weren't? REX: No. No, sir. No, I started off stupid and violent.
BUSTER: You did?
REX: This was a long time ago, you understand? A long time ago. I was a real terror then. I was a real animal. And I was hungry all the time.
(Scene cuts to Dinosaur times.)
(Under the orange sky of the late Cretaceous period, ran a green Thescelosaurus. He was fleeing in extreme fear. He was being chased by a hungry Tyrannosaurus Rex. He rampaged across the forest, across the lakes and past the trees. As he pursued the defenseless Thescelosaurus, a mysterious futuristic machine came flying out of the sky. It hit the monstrous beast as he was just about to move in for the kill. The Thescelosaurus got away, but the T Rex was still alive. He got up and turned his attention to the mysterious machine. A little green alien named Vorb came out as the hatch opened.)
VORB: Ah, a potential customer. Oh, hello, Madam. Oh, sir, this is your lucky day. Through a lengthy process of random selection, your galaxy, your planet, your neighborhood, hold on to your tail now, kiddo. You, yes, you have been chosen as the beneficiary of a promotional campaign. Yes. Here, before your very eyes, I have a product. A revolutionary product. You haven't tasted stuff like this before. Brain Grain cereal. Take one bite, you'll have an idea. Take two bites, you'll have a hypothesis. You'll be smart. Comes in two flavors, regular or nutty-nut. Choose your poison, partner. You're gonna love this. Yes, sirree bob. Remember your manners, you big-mouthed, jaw-dropping carnivore. That's it. I'm irritated. I'm going back to the ship. Lunch time!
REX: Row your boat gently down the stream. Huh? Row, row, row.
VORB: What a personality. Your boat. Thank goodness for chrome hunger. It's taken 280 portions of Brain Grain to jumpstart that skull of yours, pal.
REX: Merrily, Merrily, life is but a dream.
VORB: How about some more?
REX: Lunch? What's lunch?
(Scene cuts were other dinosaurs that were also fed Brain Grain. There was a blue Triceratops named Woog, a lavender Pteranodon named Elsa and a green Parasaurolophus named Dweeb, They were feasting on hot dogs.)
ELSA: Oh, excuse me.
VORB: You check out the other Brain Grain graduates? I gotta report to Captain Neweyes. Get social.
REX: Hi, everybody. Oh. Oh. My name is Rex. Hey, how did I do that?
ELSA: I'm Elsa. Enchanted and delighted to make your acquaintance, Rex. Pardon my wingspan, won't you please?
REX: Yeah, okay.
WOOG: Hey, I'm Woog. You want a hot dog? Or do you want a hot dog?
REX: Is it good?
WOOG: Is it good? Words fail me. How many we had so far today, Dweeb?
DWEEB: 250, and that's with everything.
WOOG: Take it on faith, Rex. You want a hot dog bad.
DWEEB: Hi, I'm Dweeb. He's gotta have mustard on it.
ELSA: And don't forget the sauerkraut. I was amazed by the sauerkraut.
WOOG: She laid an egg.
ELSA: I did. I laid an egg. I was so embarrassed. Rex, I feel such a fool, but I must say it. You are a rough and handsome fellow. Forgive me, I'm so flighty.
REX: Smells good. Hey, that's what I call lunch!
DWEEB: Lunch? That's what you used to call me.
REX: Hey, I'm sorry about the way I've acted. I was a real animal.
ELSA: We all have regrets, Rex.
WOOG: Tell me about it. The things I've stepped on.
DWEEB: Let's face it. We've evolved.
(Later that night.)
REX: Wow!
CAPTAIN NEWEYES: Greetings, friends, and welcome to my ship. I'm Captain Neweyes. I live in the far future where all the species on all the planets have had to learn to get along, eh, Vorb?
VORB: That's the truth, skipper.
CAPTAIN NEWEYES: I've made a fortune out of my Brain Grain cereal, and now in my golden years, I'm trying to give something back. I'm trying to make a few wishes come true, and to that end, I invented this. It's a wish radio. With it, I can hear what people are wishing for, 40 specially young people because they wish the loudest. Now, let me tune into this one station in the middle future.
BOY 1: I wish I had a moustache just like Daddy.
WOMAN: I wish...
GIRL 1: I wish my sister was nicer to me.
GIRL 2: I wish all the dinosaurs would be here right now.
BOY 2: I wish I could see a Tyrannosaurus Rex.
REX: Rex? Why, Captain, that's me. That's me.
GIRL 3: I wish I could see one of those flying dinosaurs.
ELSA: Why, that's me. I fly.
BOY 3: I wish I could see apatosaurus.
DWEEB: This is great.
BOY 4: I wish I could see a triceratops.
GIRL 4: I wish I could see more dinosaurs. Dinosaurs.
WOOG: Son of a gunosaur, that's us.
CAPTAIN NEWEYES: That's right. That's you. There are a lot of children down there in this one particular time that miss you, and they're wishing for you. I've never heard a louder wish. So I gave you all Brain Grain, and now you're smart enough to make up your own minds.
REX: Who's that?
CAPTAIN NEWEYES: They're young people, boys and girls, they want to meet you. What do you say?
LOUIE: Gee, I wish I had a friend.
REX: We'll do it.
DWEEB: Why not? I'd love to.
ELSA: By all means.
SASHA: I wish I had a Thanksgiving hat.
VORB: Excuse me, Captain Neweyes, sir. We've arrived.
CAPTAIN NEWEYES: Thank you, Vorb. You may open the pod bay doors.
ELSA: It's a world covered with jewels.
REX: Look at all those lights.
CAPTAIN NEWEYES: Now, there are two people down there you should know about. One person is there to help you. Her name is Dr. Juliet Bleeb.
ELSA: I like her face, so full of character.
DR.JULIET: Welcome, welcome.
CAPTAIN NEWEYES: She knows you're coming. She needs you to fulfill the wishes of many children. Her address is The Museum of Natural History.
REX: The Museum of Natural History.
CAPTAIN NEWEYES: Now, the other person you should know about is my brother, Professor Screweyes. He's cruel. He's insane. He travels around down in this time causing mischief. He was driven mad by the loss of his eye long ago. My advice to you is find Dr. Bleeb and stay well clear of my dark and unhappy brother. Beyond that, just try not to step on anybody. All right. You got the boat ready, Vorb?
VORB: Aye, aye, skipper.
CAPTAIN NEWEYES: Farewell, my friends.
REX: You gotta be kidding.
VORB: Arrivederci. Goodbye.
WOOG: Well, great day in the morning. REX: Wow.
ELSA: Magnificent.
DWEEB: Gee whiz.
ELSA: what is it?
LOUIE: It's New York City, you moron.
REX: Whoa there, little fella.
DWEEB: Hi, my name's Dweeb.
WOOG: I'm Woog.
ELSA: I'm Elsa.
REX: The name's Rex. what's yours?
LOUIE: I think my name is Louie, but seeing you is giving me doubts about my brain. what are you guys, anyway?
ELSA: Dinosaurs, actually.
LOUIE: Dinosaurs, you do got that look. I mean, you are big.
ELSA: Well, you're very small.
LOUIE: I'm big enough to suit my own purposes. What are you, a bat?
ELSA: I'm a pterodactyl, actually.
DWEEB: Well, what are you?
LOUIE: I was a runaway to the circus till you clowns sank me.
WOOG: What's the circus?
LOUIE: What's the circus? It's the big top, leatherhead. Show business. You guys ain't lived. Where you guys going, anyways?
REX: We're going to The Museum of Natural History.
LOUIE: That's perfect. There's a circus showing in Central Park. One's right by the other. Give me a lift to the circus, take a gander, and cross right over to the museum. Showing up with a pack of dinosaurs should put me in real solid with the ringmaster. What do you say?
DWEEB: Well, I'm game.
WOOG: Okay.
ELSA: Certainly.
REX: Okay, yeah.
LOUIE: Welcome to New York City. 
LOUIE: Rex! Rex!
REX: Help, I can't swim!
LOUIE: Hang on, big fella! Lift me up. Think, think, think, think, think. Think, Louie, think.
REX: Help!
LOUIE: Okay. Grab on! I wish. I wish. REX: I remember you.
LOUIE: I wish. Gee, I wish I had a friend.
REX: I owe you one, Louie.
LOUIE: These things happen. Just get me to the circus and we'll say no more about it.
(He starts walking as the dinosaurs follow him, Rex bumps his head on one of the construction devices with a clang)
REX: Ow!
LOUIE: Be careful, will you? I can't be saving you every two minutes.
DR.JULIET: Late. Late again. Late for everything. (Walks to the crane area where Louie and the dinosaurs just left) Welcome to New York City. (adjusts her glasses, realizes that those are cranes) They're not here. I've missed them with my endless, shameless lateness. Oh, well, we'll rendezvous. We'll rendezvous.
LOUIE: You know, New York isn't ready for you guys. We need a plan. I got it. Hey you, the bat.
ELSA: I am not a bat. I am a pterodactyl. LOUIE: Can you fly? Could you get me off of this thing? Watch out for the skyscraper. Coming through! Goodbye! You're gonna get us killed! I'm gonna slip off. Pull up! You're going too fast! Slow down, already! Slow down!
ELSA: Where exactly would you like to go?
LOUIE: There, right there. That's our ticket uptownThat's our ticket uptown. Let's hang a Louie and head on back.
LOUIE: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hit the brakes, I gotta land a minute.
[Cecilia stopped crying, she see Louie wear's her hat and Elsa appears]
ELSA: Hello.
[Cecilia screamed]
LOUIE:[he fell] Hey, hey, hey, don't panic. I'm a good guy.
CECILIA: Who are you? And what's that?
LOUIE: Hey, babe, I'm Louie. That there's a friend of mine. I got..[Cecilia door shut offscreen] I'm sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you. Why are you crying?
CECILIA: I am not crying. (gasped)
LOUIE: Huh?
ELSA: Aw.
LOUIE: Back off. Back off. You're fogging the glass. Come on, big eyes, you're killing me. what's the matter?
CECILIA: It's Thanksgiving.
LOUIE: So, what's there to cry about? You don't like turkey?
CECILIA: No, it's my parents.
LOUIE: What about your parents? Do they beat you? [he bumped a music toy] Oh!
CECILIA: No, they're just never around. It's Thanksgiving, and they're off doing other things. You see, my father's very business, and my mother's very social.
LOUIE: The name's Louie. What's yours?
CECILIA: Cecilia Nuthatch.
LOUIE: Well, Cecilia Nuthatch, you should've had my mother slobbering kisses all over me in public. I had to make tracks, so you know what I'm doing?
CECILIA: No. what?
LOUIE: I'm running away to the circus.
CECILIA: You are?
LOUIE: I am. what do you say you throw this hat away and come fly with me?
[Cecilia looking and grabbed photo, her parents on a picture with the words, "Wish you were here!" and she feel sad and looked around to the living room, desktop, and bedroom. Thanksgiving picture with sad Cecilia picture on the middle seat]
CECILIA: All right, I will.
[Cecilia throws a hat will flying away to the city, Sasha look a Thanksgiving hat and she asked mom and she felt sad and shocked look a Thanksgiving hat on her head and she smiled]
WOOG: Hey, I'm getting hungry.
REX: I hope they're okay.
MAN: Hey, watch where you're going.
DWEEB: Hey, look! There they are.
REX: They have a little girl with them.
LOUIE: Everybody, I'd like you to meet my new friend, Cecilia Nuthatch.
REX: The name's Rex. Nice to meet you.
CECILIA: A pleasure, Rex. Very nice to meet you.
DWEEB: And I'm Dweeb. Hi.
CECILIA: A pleasure, Dweeb. Very nice to meet you.
ELSA: (chuckling) She's so well brought up.
LOUIE: All right, break it up. Enough with the pleasantries.
CECILIA: These are all dinosaurs.
WOOG: I'm hungry. I mean, I'm Woog.
CECILIA: Cecilia Nuthatch. I'm very pleased to meet you, Woog. Have you been a dinosaur long?
LOUIE: Enough with this tea-party chatter. What are you, some kind of a debutante?
CECILIA: Why, yes, as a matter of fact, I am.
LOUIE: Oh.
REX: Hrrr!
LOUIE: Rex! Listen, I've figured out a way you guys can stroll uptown and not cause a riot. Come on.
BOY #1: They're enormous!
MAN: I can't believe it.
GIRL #1: Oh! Look what's coming down the street.
BOY #2: Dinosaurs. Quick. Lift me up higher, Dad.
BOY #3: Dinosaurs at the parade.
GIRL #2: Are they gonna eat us? BOY #4: Dinosaurs! Quick! Holy smoke, are they ever big!
SASHA: Dinosaurs!
WOMAN: No, Sasha, they're not dinosaurs. They're robots.
SASHA: I wish I could see real dinosaursI wish I could see real dinosaurs.
BOY #5: I wish I could see real dinosaurs.
GIRL #3: I wish they were real.
BOY #6: Wish they were real. Dinosaurs, look, dinosaurs!
BOY #7: Yeah, wouldn't it be great if they were real?
REX: Cool. Roll back the rock to the dawn of time / When the Earth was smoking and the lava flowed / Roll back the rock to the dawn of time / And blow your cool just like a volcano / Snap your fingers and stomp your feet Snap your fingers and stomp your feet / Soaking up a little of the jungle beatSoaking up a little of the jungle beat / Roll back the rock to the dawn of time / And sing this song with mesing this song with me / Roll back the rock
ALL: Roll back the rock
REX: Turn back the clock
ALL: Turn back the clock / Roll back the rock to the dawn of time / And sing this song with me
LOUIE: No!
REX: Turn back the clock baby you can see / Why the twentieth century appeals to me (20th)! / So much to learn and so much to do / And a zillion wonderful things to chew / Roll back the rock
ALL: Roll back the rock
REX: Turn back the clock
ALL: Turn back the clock
REX: Roll back the rock to the dawn of time / And sing this song with me
LOUIE: So, Cecilia, what do you think of my friends?
CECILIA: I think they're swank, first rank. Top hat, right down to their tails.
LOUIE: Say what?
CECILIA: And I like you, too. Hey, shut up with that.
LOUIE: What are you, sappy?
REX: If you're thinking this guy's unreal / Just imagine how I must feel / Just imagine how I must feel / Human beings, what a meal! / Roll back the rock to the dawn of time / And sing this song with me
REX [speaking]: (he saw an Apatosaurus balloon) Hey, hey. what do you know? There's another fella just like me. Good to see somebody of a similar persuasion, if you know what I mean.
REX: Roll back the rock
ALL: Roll back the rock
REX: Turn back the clock
ALL: Turn back the clock
REX: Roll back the rock to the dawn of time / And sing this song with me
REX: Hi.
SASHA: Look, Mommy, those are real dinosaurs.
BOY #1: They're real. They're real.
GIRL: They're not robots. They're alive.
MAN: Gosh, real dinosaurs!
LOUIE: Cecilia, I think things just took a turn for the worse.
CECILIA: Louie!
LOUIE: Quick, split up. we'll meet you at the circus in Central Park. 
Now, run!
REX: Central Park? Where is Central Park? Professor Screweyes' Eccentric Circus. Professor Screweyes! That's the bad guy.
ELSA: Gracious.
REX: Now appearing in Central Park. Louie, Cecilia, they're in danger. we gotta save them.
OFFICER ON BULLHORN: You, there! Don't move! You're under arrest! Put your claws up! OFFICER: Hit the deck! Watch out for the big one.
DR.JULIET: (Not noticing as Rex runs and steps over her) There we are. (puts a poster over the Professor Screweyes Eccentric Circus poster) Dinosaur exhibit. The Museum of Natural History. You can't skimp on publicity.
LARRY ON RADIO: All right, it's The Larry King Show. We're back. We have a lady with us who says she has seen a real dinosaur. Okay, to midtown. Ma'am?
LADY: Larry, I was taking a shower just now and I looked out my bathroom window, and I saw a dinosaur.
LARRY: Okay, thanks for calling. See you.
PILOT ON RADIO: Central chopper one. Pursuing Mesozoic suspect.
DWEEB: My name is Dweeb. Hi, nice to see you. Nice hat.
PILOT ON RADIO: Chopper one to chopper two, suspect's no longer in sight. I lost him. How about taking a 10-30 for coffee and donuts?
OFFICER: Hey, we've got them surrounded. Don't let them get away.
REX: Hmm.
OFFICER ON BULLHORN: We got you surrounded. Give yourselves up.
REX: Professor Screweyes' Eccentric Circus.
LOUIE: The map on the flyer said that this was the nearest entrance to the circus. Come on.
CECILIA: Okay.
LOUIE: Uh, it's a little dark hereit's a little dark here.
CECILIA: Seems a little creepy, doesn't it?
LOUIE: Hey, Cecilia, look! Professor Screweyes' Eccentric Circus, this must be the right wayProfessor Screweyes' Eccentric Circus, this must be the right way. Come on. Oh, look, there's another sign.
CECILIA: You know, Louie.
LOUIE: Yeah?
CECILIA: I really hate to say this.
LOUIE: Then don't.
CECILIA: Um, it's getting dark. Maybe we should go back.
LOUIE: I don't know. Maybe you're right. Wait a minute, there it is.
MAN: What are you looking at?
CECILIA: I didn't mean to. I was just...
LOUIE: Hey, she's looking at whatever she wants to, chump.
WOMAN: Says who?
LOUIE: I do. Want to make something of it?
CECILIA: Louie, don't.
MAN: There's three of them. Better listen to your friend.
LOUIE: You jerks don't scare me. Back off or I'll feed you a knuckle sandwich.
CECILIA: You shouldn't have done that.
LOUIE: Hey, you can't take a step back from those kind of creeps.
CECILIA: Oh, Louie, you're very brave.
LOUIE: Yeah, well, get off it. Come on.
PROFESSOR SCREWEYES: Who laughed?
LOUIE: I did.
CECILIA: No, it was me, sir.
PROFESSOR SCREWEYES: Stubbs, get out of here. You missed the show, kids. Come back tomorrow.
CECILIA: So, was that your audience we passed coming here?
PROFESSOR SCREWEYES: Probably.
LOUIE: Spooky bunch.
PROFESSOR SCREWEYES: I appeal to a particular group. What do you want?
LOUIE: Well, we ran away from home, see.
PROFESSOR SCREWEYES: I see. You ran away to the circus.
LOUIE: That's right. You got it.
PROFESSOR SCREWEYES: Well, you ran away to the wrong circus, kid. Buzz off.
CECILIA: Um, Louie, I think we should go.
PROFESSOR SCREWEYES: Take your girlfriend's advice, sport.
LOUIE: You don't want us?
PROFESSOR SCREWEYES: Oh, I'll take you in, if you want.
CECILIA: Louie, please. I'm not so sure.
PROFESSOR SCREWEYES: Well, it's a standard contractit's a standard contract.
CECILIA: But there's nothing written on it.
PROFESSOR SCREWEYES: I try to keep things simple. Want to sign? Press it to the contract.
(Louie and Cecilia are about to sign Prof. Screweyes' contract)
CECILIA: Louie, I'm scared.
PROFESSOR SCREWEYES: You are? Good.
CECILIA: And there. Cecilia?
PROFESSOR SCREWEYES: Well, kids, welcome to Professor Screweyes Eccentric Circus. Welcome aboard.
ELSA: Yoo-hoo! Louie! Cecilia!
REX: Where are you?
PROFESSOR SCREWEYES: Who's that?
LOUIE: Oh, it's okay. They're friends of mine. Come on, I'll show you.
REX: It's him. Professor Screweyes. 
DWEEB: Cecilia, get away from that man.
LOUIE: Hey, chill out. We just joined his circus.
REX: That's Professor Screweyes. We were warned about himWe were warned about him.
PROFESSOR SCREWEYES: Warned? By whom?
REX: Your brother.
PROFESSOR SCREWEYES: So that's how you got here and why you can talk. He's fed you that Brain Grain stuff and he warned you about me, eh? Let him look to his own affairs. Did he show you that hokey wish radio of his?
DWEEB: Yes, we heard what people are wishing for.
PROFESSOR SCREWEYES: well, I have a radio, too. Let me show you.
REX: Nope, no way, nada. We don't want anything to do with you. Come on, kids. Come to the museum with us. The Museum of Natural History.
PROFESSOR SCREWEYES: They're not going anywhere. They are under contract to me for a very long time.
ELSA: But these are the first children we've met.
REX: We like them.
LOUIE: Hey, come on. It's gonna be all right.
PROFESSOR SCREWEYES: Oh, I don't think so, unless we can work something out with your friends here. Hmm?
PROFESSOR SCREWEYES: This is a time of loud wishes, yes, but even louder fears. This is a fright radio. It picks up what people are scared to death of. You see, I find out what they're frightened of on this radio, and that's what I try to give them with my circus. It's a public service. But this is the station that comes in the loudest of all.
CHILD #1: There's something behind the door.
CHILD #2: There's monsters in the forest, I bet.
CHILD #3: Monsters are gonna eat me.
CHILD #4: I hope a monster doesn't get me.
CHILD #5: Eyes staring at me.
(Prof. Screweyes has just shown off his Fright Radio to the kids and the dinosaurs.)
PROFESSOR SCREWEYES: Do you see what they're most afraid of?
WOOG: No.
PROFESSOR SCREWEYES: Monsters.
REX: Monsters?
PROFESSOR SCREWEYES: You!
REX: Us?
WOOG: Us?
PROFESSOR SCREWEYES: (holding out a jar of glowing pills) With a little help, yes.
CECILIA: what's that?
PROFESSOR SCREWEYES: It's Brain Drain. The remedy to my brother's goody two-shoes breakfast cereal. It'll take you back. It'll make you monsters.
WOOG: But we don't want to be monsters.
DWEEB: Mmm-mmm.
REX: We're not taking anything. You can forget it.
PROFESSOR SCREWEYES: All right, you're free. You can go. I can't stop you, but the kids are mine.
LOUIE: What are you doing? Don't look, Cecilia.
CECILIA: I can't help it.
PROFESSOR SCREWEYES: Among my many other rights under this contract, including copyrights on all their ideas, I've got an exclusive option on their willpower. Now, this is just a temporary dose, by way of demonstration.
REX: Change them back, or I'll....
PROFESSOR SCREWEYES: Or you'll what? You're too enlightened by my brother's Brain Grain. You've lost your savagery. You've lost your frightening, prehistoric power to intimidate. You're civilized now and I've got a contract, and you're gonna respect that like the chumps that you are. But I'll tell you what I'd be willing to do. You all agree to take the Brain Drain, and I'll rip up this contract and set the kids free. If you don't take it, I'll bill them as the wild children of Hellzapoppin, and use them to scare people in the sideshow. It's up to you.
REX: I'll take it.
ELSA: And I'll take it, you loathsome creature.
DWEEB: I'll do it.
WOOG: Me, too.
PROFESSOR SCREWEYES: Good, now you come with me. You're going to have to be kept in cages and chains, because you're gonna be wild again.
REX: Don't be scared. You'll be all right. It's no more than a bad dreamIt's no more than a bad dream.
PROFESSOR SCREWEYES: Come on, you.
REX: We were friends for a minute, Louie.
LOUIE: Rex.
REX: Remember me.
CECILIA: Good morning, Louie.
LOUIE: Good morning.
STUBBS: Good morning.
CECILIA: Louie, it's that funny clown.
STUBBS: I brought you breakfast. Pancakes okay?
LOUIE: Great.
CECILIA: Oh, yes. Splendid. STUBBS: So, you thought I was funny?
CECILIA: Oh, yes, very funny.
STUBBS: I can never make the Professor laugh.
LOUIE: Well, he is pretty nutty, don't you think?
STUBBS: Well, you know, the show has gotten pretty weird and scary, in a way. I Iike comedy myself. But the Professor promises me that if I can come up with a bit that makes him laugh, he'll put it in the show. I just ain't been able to bring it off yet, that's all.
LOUIE: What's your name?
STUBBS: Stubbs the Clown formerly of the legitimate circus. How you doing?
CECILIA: I'm Cecilia Nuthatch. It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Stubbs.
STUBBS: Same at you. Hey, do you want to see a bit?
CECILIA: Sure.
STUBBS: Watch this, watch this. Watch this. This is just. That was funny? That was okay?
LOUIE: Yeah, of course it was funny.
STUBBS: I showed it to the Prof. He didn't laugh.
LOUIE: You don't get it, do you? That guy's crazy.
STUBBS: No, not really crazy. He's just a little bit off in his. Look, after breakfast, he told me you gotta get out of here.
LOUIE: What about the contract?
STUBBS: He tore them up.
LOUIE: That was lucky. And our friends?
STUBBS: Your who?
CECILIA: You know, the dinosaurs.
STUBBS: Forget them.
LOUIE: Hey, no way. Where are they?
STUBBS: I'm telling you, you ought to forget them and go about your merry business.
LOUIE: Where are they, Stubbs?
STUBBS: All right, I'll show you, but you're not gonna like it, though. Come with me.
CECILIA: What's happened to them, Mr. Stubbs?
STUBBS: The professor gave them some stuff that sent them off the deep end. That's why he tore up your contracts. That was a deal they made.
LOUIE: So, they're this way 'cause of me.
STUBBS: I guess so. He's featuring them in the show tonightHe's featuring them in the show tonight. All the usual weirdoes will show upAll the usual weirdoes will show up, I'm sure.
LOUIE: Stubbs, you gotta get us in that show.
STUBBS: I can't do that.
LOUIE: Don't you see? They did this for us. This guy's crazy, Stubbs. He's never gonna laugh at your jokes.
STUBBS: All right, I'll get you in, but not 'cause of what you said. 'Cause of her and you, when you laughed. Come on, I gotta get ready for the show.
ACTOR: Showtime.
LOUIE: You bunch of dopes!
CECILIA: Um, boo.
LOUIE: Boo? Is that the best you can do? They're easy enough to scare. See?
CECILIA: But, Louie, I don't want to scare anybody.
LOUIE: Well, neither do I, but do you want to get busted?
CECILIA: All right, I'll try. I don't understand these people.
STUBBS: Don't you see? That's why they come, to get scared. Simple as that. Oh, the show's starting up. We better get to our places. We're in the opening bit.
PROFESSOR SCREWEYES: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the most terrifying show on the planet Earth, Professor Screweyes' Eccentric Circus! We will scare you. We will frighten you. We will shock you witless with our dreadful, terrifying, vile, monstrous program. Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, I give you the infernal grand demon parade.
STUBBS: Okay, this is it. Just look scary and wave your pitchforks.
CECILIA: [the kids are in costume, participating in the circus as a cover] Louie, I feel so silly. What is wrong with these people?
LOUIE: I don't know, but I've never seen so many tonsils in my lifeI've never seen so many tonsils in my life.
PROFESSOR SCREWEYES: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the most fearsome creatures of your darkest dreams. I give you monsters!
PACK-MAN: Smelling salts here, two for a dollar. Smelling salts.
CECILIA: Oh, Louie, Louie, what can we do?
LOUIE: I don't know.
STUBBS: There's nothing you can do.
PROFESSOR SCREWEYES: And now I will attempt the impossible. I will attempt to master the most fearsome of all the dinosaur clan, the ultimate set of teeth in the history of the world. The mighty Tyrannosaurus Rex. Look into my eye, you bloodthirsty thing. Remove his shackles. Now, take two giant steps. Take two steps toward the audience. So you see, the creature that scares you all does what I say. I am the master of fear and I am not afraid! Oh, no. No.
STUBBS: The professor. He's gonna kill the professor.
LOUIE: Rex, no. Don't do it.
CECILIA: Louie!
STUBBS: What are you, crazy? You'll be pulverized.
LOUIE: No, don't do it.
LOUIE: Rex, don't do it, I'm telling you. I know you can't understand me, but you gotta.
CECILIA: Oh, please don't let bad happen.
LOUIE: You don't want to be like him. Don't ruin everything 'cause you're mad or scared of something. It can't be all about that, or what's life for? I know I act like I'm the original tough guy, but that's 'cause I'm scared, too.
PROFESSOR SCREWEYES: No.
CECILIA: Let no bad happen.
LOUIE: But you, you are the original tough guy. Rex, you've got nothing to prove. You're a giant. Don't be a midget bully boy for these yahoos. Put him down, Rex. Rex. That means king. Be a king, Rex. Put the guy down. Don't be a stiff. Don't be just another slob spoiling the way the world could be. Please, please! Put him down. Please. Way to go, Rex!
VORB: Okay, men. Fire when ready. Incoming! Let's fly. Fire in the hole! The whole sumo! Well done, gentlemen. Good work.
CAPTAIN NEWEYES: Brother.
PROFESSOR SCREWEYES: I should've known you were behind this.
CAPTAIN NEWEYES: You'd already lost by the time I'd arrived. This boy had beaten you. I heard your wish on my wish radio. Very good. Let no bad happen. Couldn't agree more.
REX: Louie? LOUIE: You all right, Rex?
REX: Did I do anything bad?
LOUIE: No, you were great.
CECILIA: You were great, too, Louie.
LOUIE: Don't do that.
CECILIA: why not?
LOUIE: It's embarrassing. You kissing me and everything it's unmanly, just. That is what it is.
CECILIA: You know, you're right.
LOUIE: I am?
CECILIA: Well, yes. If anybody's kissing anybody, you should be kissing me.
LOUIE: I should?
CECILIA: Most definitely.
ELSA: I've been meaning to talk to you, Rex.
REX: About what, Elsa?
ELSA: The way you look at me, it makes me want to lay an egg.
VORB: Captain Neweyes, it's time to go.
CAPTAIN NEWEYES: Okay, everybody, on board. I've got a surprise for you.
Stubbs the Clown: Good night, folks. Good night, Louie.
Louie: Good night, Stubbs.
Professor Screweyes: (stopping Stubbs from driving off with a stomp of his foot) Hey, Stubbs! Where do you think you're going? Get back here!
Stubbs the Clown: Oh, I forgot to tell ya... (from that to being happy to being grumpy) I QUIT! I quit! (driving his car back here at Screweyes) Ha! I resign! Are you gettin' this completely in your ear? I am PROFOUNDLY outta here! And this ain't about money. I ain't even complaining about my dry cleaning bill. But hang around with elephants all day and try to keep YOUR clothes clean! (audience laughing)
Stubbs the Clown: But that's not the point. The point is, I quit. Quittski! Over-and-outski! That's all she wrote! KEEP MY LAST CHECK, BUDDY! (hands each item to Screweyes as he mentions it, including his pet rabbit, Robbie holding his backstage passes) Here's my shoes, my nose, my horn, my buzzer, my fake arm, my bug-eye glasses, my backstage passes, my hat, my rabbit, HIS backstage passes, my fake fangs, a few birds, my pogostick, my donkey ears, my extending tongue gag, my rubber chicken; Ya can't even get these anymore; my lucky whale tooth, and a giant clam that opens to reveal the American flag held by a mermaid and her normal brother, Richard! (audience laughing)
Stubbs the Clown: SO LONG! (waving his handkerchief to the audience and laughs while driving his car) Oh, and by the way, in case you're wondering why I'm talking and they're laughing, let me explain it to ya... (Yells and gets close to Screweyes' face.) THAT'S! COMEDY! (Then he drives off.)
CAPTAIN NEWEYES: Will you change your ways and come with me?
PROFESSOR SCREWEYES: Never.
CAPTAIN NEWEYES: Then we must go.
PROFESSOR SCREWEYES: Brother, brother, wait. when I am alone, when I have no one to scare, I get very frightened myself. The crows could...
DR.JULIET: I'm coming. I'm coming. I'll be there in a moment. Welcome, Welcome. You've taken so long, I almost gave up. But the good Captain explained. You've had so many adventures. well, you must be tired after such doings. I'm sure you'll sleep well tonight. Have your dreams of this beautiful world, and tomorrow, you'll begin to fulfill the wishes of many childrenyou'll begin to fulfill the wishes of many children. We'll make believe you're statues. The adults will wait outside as you reveal the miracle of yourselves to the young. It'll be very good. It'll be very good, indeed.
DR.JULIET: Thank you. Thank you. I'll take them from here, please. Come on, children, this way.
CHILDREN: Wow. Cool. Cool.
DR.JULIET: All right, gang, go for it.
WOOG: My name is Woog. What's yours?
LEO: Leo.
CHILDREN: Wow. Look. wow.
ELSA: Hello, I'm Elsa.
DWEEB: Hi, there. My name is Dweeb.
REX: And I'm Rex.
MAX: Hi, I'm Max.
REX: Hi, Max. So, this'll be our little secret, okay?
MAX: Okay.
NICK: My name's Nick.
FRANK: I'm Frank.
DR.JULIET: Delightful. Really, just a recipe for delightful.
CAPTAIN NEWEYES: And that's the way it is.
REX: And that's what happened, Buster. The dinosaurs are still at the museum.
BUSTER: What about the kids?
REX: Oh, Louie and Cecilia are quite the little couple now. And they made up with their parents. Good night, little tough guy. Remember my story.
CHICKS: Mama's little birdie. Mama's little birdie.
Category:Transcripts
Category:Universal Studios Transcripts