Bureau of Interstellar Threats Close to Home (B.I.T.C.H.)

== An Outsider's Guide to B.I.T.C.H. ==
 B.I.T.C.H. ROLEPLAY BASICS 
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The Bureau of Interstellar Threats Close to Home (B.I.T.C.H.) is a satirical government agency tasked with defending planet Earth from anomalous dangers and hostile alien encounters. Mimicking the absurdity of world-order conspiracy theories, those who ‘enlist’ in B.I.T.C.H.— willingly or otherwise— become an agent for a purposefully nonspecific government possessing hypothetically infinite resources, limited only by bureaucratic red-tape, cost-cutting measures, and general incompetence. As a VRCHAT RP group, B.I.T.C.H. is best described as a ‘cog in the machine’ comedic anthological roleplay: no one is safe from an unavoidable death at the hands of anomalies, active duty agents wear similar uniforms to remove individuality, and those who fall in battle are quickly replaced by another agent. Still, the distinguished civil servants beneath this lovely government agency will always find ways to keep aspects of their individuality alive, as even in death, service to the Bureau never ends.
 THE HANDBOOK 
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As an equal opportunity employer, the Bureau accepts new recruits of all shapes and sizes as long as they fit into uniform. So, If you'd like to learn more through an in-character reading of B.I.T.C.H. basics, feel free to peruse our extensive ‘Agent Handbook’, which hosts a deeper look into how this agency operates, rules involved, and on-going lore (warning: certain life-binding contracts to the government may apply, do not read the Agent Handbook if you are prone to free thinking, dissident behavior, or possess anomalous properties). Otherwise, continue reading for more information on B.I.T.C.H.
 AGENT LIFE 
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In the eyes of B.I.T.C.H, inconceivable threats are always lurking on the horizon, but the loyal (albeit highly expendable) agents of the Bureau work tirelessly to fulfill nonsensical orders, complete dangerous field operations, and mingle by the chemically spiked water cooler as a means to keep universal horrors at bay. Across all Bureau activities, agents form the backbone of this quasi-militaristic government agency. They will live together, die together, and face the immeasurable pain of working under a bloated bureaucracy, together. Think of it as an inverse power-trip. No agent is greater than another; No one can destroy planets with the snap of their fingers; No one here is a super soldier, but with enough agents thrown into a meat-grinder of a problem, success is practically guaranteed! In this setting, many B.I.T.C.H. agents will roleplay as nameless cannon fodder, but the creation of longstanding Bureau workers is a welcomed option provided they follow agency principles and standards. Still, it is important to note that custom agents are subject to all death rules, and are encouraged to sacrifice themselves in the field like all other agents. If this concerns you for any storytelling purposes, don't worry! The government has plenty of resources to make agents repeatedly expendable.
 NOTABLE OPERATIONS
:* B.I.T.C.H. agents attempted replacing Santa Claus with an inside man. This resulted in one of the highest Bureau casualty missions on record, with an entire wave of agents dying due to a surprise reindeer, penguin, and elf ambush in the arctic forests. Agents were forced to retreat before riding an ICBM into Santa's workshop. 
:* The Bureau battled internet pop-star Hatsune Miku in a desperate attempt to stop her from bombing critical population centers across the planet.
:* B.I.T.C.H. decimated fish populations after the Fish Queen kidnapped their office cat.
:* The Bureau successfully defended a MEGA-WATER-COOLER from incredibly thirsty anomalies.
:* B.I.T.C.H. agents fought off communism somewhere. Many died due to equipment failure and lack of training.
:* Agents apprehended a schizophrenic robot running an illegal dog show business.
:* The Bureau helped a strange void entity almost get their swag back before throwing them in jail.
:* B.I.T.C.H. sent said void entity to kill their escaped prison buddy in an epic battle of the ages.
:* Agents caught and killed an illegal alien (like... an actual alien that was on Earth illegally) after it entered the home of a small child. The child also died (not our fault).
:* Agents spent three hours trying to dive deeper into a murder mystery investigation that one detective had already solved thirty minutes in. Despite the death of a VIP target they were supposed to protect, all agents reported the mission as a, "critical success!". 
 CHAIN OF COMMAND
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All Bureau roleplay activity on VRChat is considered a sliver of the agency's total operating power, as agents will live their lives through the lens of a single Bureau operating unit: B.I.T.C.H. HQ#48. Those defined as 'shot callers' are far away from the lowly ground troops of the Bureau. Hearing from, let alone seeing any director, councilmember, or administrator of the Bureau is a once in a (short) lifetime event. Thankfully, the lower echelons of B.I.T.C.H. command are around to maintain their unit's functionality. The deputy commander and section commander serve as the two highest ranks within a Bureau chapter. Below them are their agent supervisors: agents selected to help keep others in line. Further down this chain are our third level employees occupying the 'obtainable ranks' of junior through senior agent. These ranks are a measurement of activity through the attendance of operations. We understand that most agents at B.I.T.C.H. have a lower [than average] life expectancy, and since sacrifice is a congratulated life-opportunity to change looser aspects of oneself (name, occupation, etc), rank serves as a more concrete measurement of an agent’s time at the Bureau. In order, these ranks are. . . 
* Junior Agent
* Agent I
* Agent II
* Agent III
* Senior Agent
By virtue of enlistment, all new agents are considered a Junior Agent.
 DIVISIONS AND ROLES
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The Bureau supplies agents with many easily interchangeable job opportunities between five unique departments. Within each department are three subdivisions or 'roles' that agents choose from to alter their outlook, goals, and priorities during a mission. Agents may choose to remain firmly in their designated position, or move freely between different roles as necessary. As described in the Agent Handbook, these available divisions with respective roles are. . .
* THE DEPARTMENT OF STANDARD OPERATIONS (DSO)
** Documentation and Records
** Operator Resources
** Unspecialized
* THE INVESTIGATION & INTELLIGENCE DIVISION (IID)
** Detection Unit
** Surveillance Unit
** Reconnaissance Unit
* THE SECURITY & CORRECTIONS DIVISION (SCD)
** Disposal Unit
** Containment Unit
** Internal Security Forces
* THE DEPARTMENT OF PUBLIC INFORMATION & REGULATION (DPIR)
** Media Oversight
** Legal Absolution
** Diplomacy Unit
* THE DEPARTMENT OF RESEARCH & DEVELOPMENT (DRD)
** Exploration Team
** Experiment and Analysis
** Invention and Innovation
Category:Groups
Category:RP Groups