Whacking Day/Quotes

:Principal Skinner: [after locking Bart and the bullies in the utility room] Would the world judge me harshly if I threw away the key?
:Groundskeeper Willie: No, but the PTA would tear you a new arse.
:Principal Skinner: Wise council, William. But the potty talk adds nothing.
:Groundskeeper Willie: Yes, sir. [after Skinner and Ronald leaves] You bath-takin', underpants-wearin' lily hugger.
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:Evil Homer: [singing conga-style] I am evil Homer! I am evil Homer!
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: Kent Brockman: But first, a look at the local holiday that was called distasteful and puerile by a panel of hillbillies, Whacking Day! In a tradition that dates back to founding father Jebediah Springfield, every May 10th local residents gathered to drive snakes into the center of town and whack them to snake heaven. [footage plays] After exposing , Honorary Grand Marshal Richard Nixon goes after another deadly hiss.
:(Nixon accidentally repeatedly strikes a person holding a snake down for him.)
:Nixon: Is Whacking Day over? (Everyone boos at him.) Thank you. Thanks for coming out.
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:Lisa: How can you people turn on snakes after all they've done for you?
:Grampa: I'm an old man, I hate everything but Matlock. Ooh, it's on now.
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:Groundskeeper Willie: (to his tractor) Ach, my beauty! Wait till the superintendent sees you! Were it not a violation of God's law, I'd make you my wife.
:Scottish Woman: Now thar's a lonely man. I'm new in town. Be there a cool loch where a lass could wash her long, red hair?
:Groundskeeper Willie: Nay, but there's a pool at me apartment complex. There was a rat in the deep end, but we got 'im!
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:Lisa: If the snakes were in here we could protect them.
:Bart: According to this, snakes hear by sensing vibrations in the ground. So, if we put our stereo speakers on the ground and play something with a lot of bass, those snakes will be in here like Oprah on a baked ham.
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:Barney: (whacking invisible snakes) Snakes! Snakes everywhere!
:Lenny: You gettin' ready for Whacking Day?
:Barney: What's Whacking Day?
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:Ralph Wiggum: What's a battle?
:Principal Skinner: Hahahaha, let's go.
:Superintendent Chalmers: Did that child just say what's a battle?
:Principal Skinner: Yes, he said 'What's that rattle', it's about the heating duct.
:Superintendent Chalmers: Hmm, it sounded like battle.
:Principal Skinner: I've had a cold, so...
:Superintendent Chalmers: Oh, so you hear "R's" as "B's"?
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:Reverend Lovejoy: (reading from the Bible) And the Lord said, whack ye all the serpents which crawl on their bellies and thy town shall be a beacon unto others. (Long pause) So you see Lisa, even God himself endorses Whacking Day.
:Lisa: Lemme see that.
:Reverend Lovejoy: (puts the bible behind him) Mmmmmmm, no.
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:Bart: Ladies and gentlemen! Whacking Day is a sham! It was originally conceived in 1922 as an excuse to beat up on the Irish.
:Old Irishman: 'Tis true. I took many a lump, but 'twas all in good fun.
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:Choir: Oh Whacking Day!
:Oh Whacking Day!
:Our hallowed snake skull-cracking day!
:Boy: We’ll break their backs
:Gouge out their eyes
:Their evil hearts we’ll pulverize!
:Choir: Oh Whacking Day!
:Oh Whacking Day!
:May God bestow His grace on thee.
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:Homer: Hey, kids, how was school?
:Lisa: I learned how many grams are in a pennyweight.
:Bart: I got expelled.
:Homer: That's my boy! (sips his Duff beer) Mmm... beer... (realizes) What!?
:Bart: Look, Dad, I don't need school. I'll make my way as a bootblack. (speaks in Cockney accent) Shine yer boots, Guv'nor?
:Homer: No son of mine's gonna be a 19th-century Cockney bootblack. We're gonna find you another school!
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:Marge: Bart, I'd like you to read this copy of "Johnny Tremaine." It's a book I read as a girl.
:Bart: A book!? Pfffft.
:Marge: I think you might like this. It's about a boy who goes to war. His hand is deformed in an accident.
:Bart: Deformed? Why didn't you say so?! They should call this book "Johnny Deformed"!
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:Principal Skinner: (to Bart) And you'll be with your friends, Jimbo, Nelson, Kear-. (He realizes that they haven't been released.) Oh dear God!
:(Principal Skinner and Groundskeeper Willie rush over to the school with a bunch of mountain bikes)
:Principal Skinner: Faster, Willie, faster. Now, we give 'em the bikes, no one sues. (nervous chuckle)
:Groundskeeper Willie: (chuckles) What if they're dead, sir?
:Principal Skinner: Then we ride these bikes to Mexico and freedom, Willie! Freedom!
:Groundskeeper Willie: Freedom. (chuckles, then mutters under his breath) I'll turn ya in at the first tollbooth.
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:Nelson: Imagine... a school out there with no bullies.
:Jimbo: Science geeks not getting beat up. Kids using their lunch money for food.
:Nelson: I can't take it!
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:Bart: I can always get a job tasting dangerous food additives.
:Male Scientist #1: We'd like you to try this new diet cola. We call it Nature's Goodness.
:Bart: What's in it?
:Male Scientist #2: 2-4 desoxypropheniramine.
:Bart: (drinks it, and transforms into a wild monster) Sweet.
:Male Scientist #2: Pleasing taste. Some monsterism.
:Bart: Cool.
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:Marge: You're going to get an education. I'm going to teach you myself.
:Homer: Marge, it's too late. The boy's ten years old. Let's focus our energy on Lisa and the other one. (to Lisa) What's your problem?
:Lisa: Whacking Day is coming.
:Homer: Woo-hoo! The greatest day of the year!
:Lisa: But killing snakes is evil.
:Homer: Maybe so, Lisa. But it's part of our oh-so human nature. Inside every man is a struggle between good and evil that cannot be resolved.
es:Whacking Day/Frases