Aperture Science

Aperture Science is one of those companies founded by losers who thought they were better than White Mesa. They don't know the first thing about science which is why they named themselves after something in photography and not something cool like a particle accelerator. They're also creeps for keeping Chell locked up in their creepy dungeon for 99999 years unsupervised. No wait, creepy dungeon + supervision is probably the worst idea to date. Nevermind.
Aperture Science has no awards, trophies, or medals of honor, because they're just a bunch of failures in the world of technology and have nothing to show for it. People should just call them APEture Science. They have never produced anything good for mankind. Nobody even knows how they got their money to write blank checks for stuff like teleportation when the Australians did it 10x better 50 years ago and for only 250 metal, no stupid and arbitrary white walls required. They also funded the Skibidi Toilets during Skibidi Toilet, which makes them extra bad.
== History of Aperture Science ==
A long long time ago, some guy (Cave Johnson) ate a donut and then farted. The fart smelled so bad he wanted to capture it, so he built a machine called the ReFarter. It was the worst thing anybody had ever made but people loved the idea of it. The greed made Cave Johnson's johnson very big, so he made millions of them off a loan. Nobody liked the ReFarter so he decided to refart the ReFarter into a bunch of exploding lemons, using lemon magic Cave Johnson had learnt from that one lemon guy. He quickly got banned from intercontinental flights that evening because he had made so many bombs. Luckily, Morshu likes bombs so he funded Cave Johnson's next big invention: the Portal Gun. Actually, Cave Johnson payed off his loan with the money, and never went back to Aperture again. He stopped after he made the combustible lemons and just wanted to live a normal life. Unfortunately for us, his wife wanted to live forever and stayed with the company.
That was when his engineers came in. Actually, there was just one of them that was cloned a bunch of times, but that doesn't matter. What's important was that his assistant Engineer came up with a way to make a wall-mounted teleporter in the Aperture Science Lab. He also had some Australium, but didn't want to use it on that old hag. He used some frame buffers and stuff to make you able to see through the teleporters, and compacted them into a jelly you could shoot around. That was how he made the portal gun. The Vagineer (one of the clones) also made other types of jellies that could make you run like hell, both when sprinting and when consumed. The Engineer then telefragged Bill's PC with GLaDOS and that's how he made the rest of the Personality Cores. He also shot Cave Johnson and killed him, but unfortunately for us Valve retconned that part so his gun actually just made his head really big instead. Engineer's friend Steve also started turning researchers into Minecraft blocks.
After that point, Caroline as GLADoS went crazy and started buying crap like yachts and planes and stuff like that. She also started poisoning people with Durians, and for this she was turned into a secret boss for Deltarune. Before that happened however, she got rate limited and her priority was set to low. She kidnapped some girl named Chell and made her try and solve all her tests like some kind of psycho teacher. At the end of it all Engineer teleported back to the future and shot everyone dead before being shot by the Heavy.
==Things they made==
===Stuff===
*ReFarter (Worst thing imaginable)
*Combustible Lemons
*Portal Gun
*Gel Cannon
*Long Fall Boots
*The Borealis (stupid boat that does nothing except wanting to be an important thing in Full-Life 2 Episode 1 Episode 1)
===Personality Cores===
*GLaDOS
*Wheatley
*Space Core
Category:Apeshit Guys
Category:Aperture Science
Category:Failed Lab Experiments
Category:Failures
Category:Losers
Category:Technology
Category:Companies
Category:Companies with dumb fans
Category:Organizations