The Knife

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"My fall will be for you,
My love will be in you.
If you be the one to cut me,
I'll bleed forever."
- Nightwish: Ghost Love Score.
The Knife.
It felt good, the flying, the free fall. All was darkness, but I knew where I was going. Down, down into the water below. I could hear it - not even the noises of the gryphons could mute that. I spread my arms as though I had wings, I spread my arms to fly away from it all - the pain, the hurting, the lies, the hate, the Shadow...the betrayal. And for a brief moment I thought that I was flying away. Flying over yonder where the sun sets. Flying past the clouds, past the blue sky and into the dark one, and - past the stars, away, away from everything.
But I didn't fly. I landed, but that was okay. That was my intention as I felt the water envelop me. I breathed deeply whil submerged. It would make it quicker. And it would finally all be over. Over and done with, yes.
No more hearing of Nomine's selfrighteousness.
No more battling those who tried to hurt me.
No more Embrace.
No more fending off the hate between Scarlet Crusaders and others who were just as hateful.
No more worrying for Imoen.
Everything would finally be no more.
Just as no more lies and pain from her...
The lungs started protesting. Instinctively I reacted as anyone would. I wanted air. I only had to think of the knife that had cut itself through my flesh as I held out my arms to embrace her.
No...no more thinking on that. It would be over in any case, I had thought. Over and done with. If she was to die, drowning in Shadow, then there wasn't really anything I could do about it. She had lied to me. To me! Sister had lied to me! She had promised never to hurt me! Always to love me!!
My arms flailed a little as I was there underwater, and I tried to still myself. Just a little more, and my body would give up. I knew it would. Drowning was said to be a beautiful death.
And they were right. It was beautiful. Peaceful. I could see colours dancing before my mind's eye. I smiled. It would finally be over. Death had come for me more than once. Now it would claim me at last. And everything would be over.
I would finally forget sister. She would hurt me no more.
...
Then someone pulled me up.
I frowned.
Is this how it feels when you die from drowning? I remember thinking.
My hearing returned. I could hear Ulgarf yelling something, but it was hard to make out what as I coughed up water.
And my pain returned to me. I could almost feel the blade, as it struck me in the stomach when I was expecting the touch of arms holding me close.
Oh, sister...
Nothing ever hurt me as much as that blade. It wasn't just the pain that my body felt when I realised what you had done.
I don't know why I still lived, but there at Mirror Lake, when you asked me to embrace you, you killed me, sister.
You killed me.
My body is still alive.
But you killed me.
Just as you are already dead and gone.
We're both dead...and no more...
Everything...is just...pain...
And I wish they didn't stop me...
That knife cut me deeper than anything before, sister...
Because you were the one who cut me.