Regrets and Revival

"Regrets and Revival" is a [SEASON NUMBER] thread started on [IRL DATE] and finished on [IRL DATE].
==Summary==
[Write a summary of the thread's events here, including spoilers and important plot details. Check the Order of Threads to see if the thread you are placing already has a summary, to make less work for yourself.]
==Full Text==
Juro idly waved his hand to the right then to the left, activating the characteristic portal hum at random intervals in practice. It had been several days since he finally managed to open the Library again, and although the slight fatigue persisted, transport to the interdimensional space, and anywhere else, were slowly becoming easier to sustain once more as his magic amplified. 
He flicked a wrist, and procured the scroll he had a received and quickly hid from sight while the half breeds were visiting a few days ago. He had put it away almost unintentionally. He had an idea of its contents, and he wasn’t sure if he was prepared to read it back then. Even now, he was uncertain.
Juro narrowed his eyes as he stared at it for a very long time, letting rebels and civilians pass him without so much a glance up.
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Eventually, the passing feet, paws and talons of the twilit street at the edges of his vision would give way to a certain pair of dark hooves, dark fabric swaying around them as they approached, and then a gentle staff tapped against the crown of Juro’s head to get his attention.
“I thought you might be with Dario,” a soft Wildersouth-laden voice said from above the Bookkeeper. “And instead, you’re out getting mail.” The tease in his words were obvious, and the half-breed goat leaned on the staff with an ever-familiar warm smile, tilting his head slightly under his new hood, which he had pulled up to ward off the chilly evening breeze. 
akkeyagentofhelheim
“I can’t keep bothering him all the time,” he return the same quipping tone, face shifting back to the perpetual grin as he made room for the half breed beside him where he sat, “And this is not mail, this is–” Juro caught himself hesitating, a thoughtful expression returning to a single amber eye as he had been doing lately, before continuing.
“The ladies who came the other day,” he said, indicating the visitors at the Library, “They gave me this. It’s an article about Chuugo…” He slowly opened the hand that held it, it rolled slightly in his palm, exposing some ink scribbles inside.
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“An article?” Milae tried to judge Juro’s expression, a feat which he was usually only partially successful at nowadays. But he knew the subject could be touchy and melancholy for the man. He tipped his staff up against his shoulder, the thumb of his hoof rubbing over a small name engraved into the wood. “Surely if it was gifted to you, it would be a good thing.”
akkeyagentofhelheim
“Not sure I would call gossip a gift,” his laugh was low and playful. He trained his gaze towards it for a few more moments, before turning to Milae, slightly shoving the scroll in his direction, a wave of doubt passing over him quickly despite his grin, “Can you open it?” he asked softly.
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He rested a hoof on it as it was offered to him, but his other hand also reached out and scooped under Juro’s other hand, pulling it towards the scroll. His smile grew a little smaller, more wry and knowing. “I’ll help,” he returned, in the same tone, firm but still fond.
akkeyagentofhelheim
Juro couldn’t help the anxious huff that escaped him, shaking his head, but in truth he was grateful for the hands that held his, finding reassurance in them despite the difference in size. With one smooth movement, the scroll fell open between them, both gripping at each side to stretch out the parchment and expose its contents.
It was the same as the Bookkeeper entry Milae had collected when Yun left. Instead of the foreign brush strokes he had expected from a different language, he was able to recognize the surprising Aidorinian words that were scrawled across the page, feeling a phantom buzz through his hooves where it touched the blonde’s hand. Juro didn’t seem to notice–his eye was flicking through the words as he read silently.After many, many years of war and sacrifice, Chuugo has finally fallen. In a final wave of strength, military prowess, and divine blessing, Emperor Fujitaka led the attack on the Imperial Palace just as their elusive defenses finally collapsed in a monstrous explosion of blue and gold into the skies, exposing the dark truth of Chuugo’s strength that utilized what must be demons’ horrible, corrupted powers. They finally took the nation for their own, ending Chuugo’s centuries of and terror.
The Imperial City now stands defeated and abandoned by its people, scheduled for destruction on the 16th day, to erase all traces of the evils Chuugo had sold their souls to.Below the paragraphs of text was an illustration, somewhat blurred and unclear, but it was still unmistakably familiar–a tall lanky figure, standing amidst a massive surge of blue and gold colours that swirled around before shooting straight up and disappearing above.
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The peaceful bustle of the Jaw around them continued onward as very slowly, Milae took in first the article, then the illustration. He reached out and tapped the man standing in the forefront, then turned his long neck up to look incredulously, wordlessly at Juro, brow raised extremely high. Gifted indeed.
akkeyagentofhelheim
His face was expectedly inscrutable.
Juro stared at the paper, not making a sound as he absorbed what he just read. It wasn’t until when he lifted his head to fully look Milae that the half breed saw his face, eye slightly wider than normal, lopsided grin stiff in shock.
“That can’t… Is that me…?” he trailed off, his hands involuntarily jerking towards him and out of Milae’s grip. The moment his hoof lost contact with the buzz from the Bookkeeper’s own hand, the words twisted in ink then phased back into unrecognisable foreign writing.
Juro peered closer at the parchment, crinkling it as he studied it further. It was several waves of varying emotions again that crashed through him at the news of his birth land’s defeat and the apparent disappearance of its threat, but the confusion and surprise over the image that was almost an exact replica of his own power surge won, “That’s impossible. That’s the Imperial Palace,” a slender finger pointed in the background of the picture where high, curved roofs could be seen through the crudely sketched colours. His throat tightened momentarily–he had repressed all memories of the royal city and hadn’t thought about it in centuries, and seeing it like this was unpleasant, in a way.
“I know I was out of it for a while, but the entire thing happened here, not Chuugo… right? Why does that look like…” he gave a humourless chuckle, completely bewildered, but also intensely, unabashedly curious.
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“You couldn’t have been in more than one place at once.” Milae tilted his head, ears lifting and lowering under his hood in thought. “As far either of us know, the only person who can do that is on the other side of the universe…and we know what he looks like.” He leaned back in and traced the column of blue and gold. “But this is yours, is it not?”
akkeyagentofhelheim
His sight followed the line he made, “It is… but whatever reservoir they had leftover from me should have been depleted a long time ago. I have no idea how this could’ve happened…” Juro leaned close as well, and despite the anxious energy, Milae saw a familiar light returning in the Bookkeeper’s eyes. An intrigue in the unknown, an interest in mysterious answers to mysterious questions. They sat across from each other, hunched over a specific piece of paper, reminiscent of an old encounter regarding a search of a demon name, “I sort of want to find out…”
There were no reservations or complaints from Milae’s end. Caught up in the same thrill, he continued to scrutinize the picture, accidentally bumping Juro’s forehead with his as he further leaned in. “It is quite far, but…we could make it, if you can reach the Library, I think.” He glanced up, realizing the assumption that he’d made. “You’ll have to tell me what you find,” he said half-jokingly, as he backtracked. 
akkeyagentofhelheim
“Are you telling me I have to go there by myself?” it was his turn to tease with a tilt of his head, a sincere smirk pulling at his face. He poked a finger on Milae’s forearm, on the new fabric, with a chuckle, “You have a notebook now, don’t you? You do your own bookkeeping.”
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The goat paused, and then he ducked his head with a grin at the same time that his chest puffed a little. “If the Library doesn’t mind the rambling attempts of an ex-seidkonur, then…yes.” Truly, he was flattered at the thought. 
akkeyagentofhelheim
“It doesn’t, because I don’t,” he grinned fondly before getting to his feet in a rush, now unable to quell the warring nerves and excitement in him, a large hand gently pulling at the half breed’s wrist to stand him up as well.
He called out in the usual cadence, “Virion.” The familiar ripple in space, but pulsing outwards with energy, moved to meet them in a circular motion, like a rotating tunnel that changed their surroundings for them in only a few steps. One moment they were at Fenrir’s Jaw in Aidorin, and the next they were in a completely different place.
There was a brisk wind where they stood at the bottom of low steps that lead up to long, corridor-like porches wrapped around a building that was separated from the rest, tucked away in the corner of the Imperial Palace. It was not a small structure, in fact it was large enough to rival a large residence back in Aidorin, but still dwarfed by the several other buildings that surrounded it. Red and gold designs were intricately carved into the beams and pillars that stood high above their heads, tiled roofs of varying shades of maroon and brown sloping outwards into points, where statues of curious, fanged creatures that resembled dragons, save for their long snakelike bodies, were hung. They could see a door at the end of the open hall, broken at its hinges, leaving it ajar.
Behind them stretched a large courtyard that overlooked the city, eerily silent, completely empty of its inhabitants, abandoned and partially destroyed in the battles that had clearly taken place. The courtyard itself was in no better shape, cracks splitting the stone in a growing crater, created by the sudden explosion of energy bursting from its center that they came here for.
“Oh…” Juro stopped in his tracks, and his grip around Milae’s arm that he hadn’t released yet tightened a little. He suddenly began to doubt his decision to come here, realizing exactly where they had arrived as unwelcome memories began to resurface.
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Milae comfortingly squeezed the inside of his wrist, as Juro’s hand dwarfed his, murmuring, “Andaðu. It’s alright,” in reflex, a habit grown of the past month’s training with his second half. He nodded at the center of the explosion. “It seems like this is where it originated from. Someone from the inside, perhaps?”
akkeyagentofhelheim
“I don’t doubt that,” he replied, slightly strained. He had subconsciously opened a portal straight for this building, although it shouldn’t have come as a surprise. He had never seen anywhere else, after all, until Roku and Jurou came for him. “This is where I was kept…” His smile had turned grim
He gave a final glance towards the courtyard, taking the goat’s advice with a long exhale, before making his way up the steps to the door, keeping his hold around Milae’s hand without realizing. The half breed’s presence reassured him from the growing ball of anxiety within, and he didn’t want to let go, extremely grateful that he was by his side.
They swept past rooms and halls, and despite the destruction that was left in the war’s wake, Milae could tell how rich and prosperous a country Chuugo was. Large tapestries that were torn but still shimmered in its expensive thread, tall statues and figures of the same animal as outside, beset with red gems and gold, broken yet expensive furniture that were thrown around and smashed in pieces. All its glory and grandeur, built from stolen magic and corruption, now abandoned and lost. 
Juro didn’t rush, but he also didn’t take extra time to look around him, staring straight ahead instead as they walked, following a very purposeful, direct route to whatever destination the Bookkeeper had in mind. His eyes flicked from door to door, tracing a sporadic line on the walls with his free hand, almost like in a trance and moving on instinct. 
They passed another room, inconspicuous and not so different from any of the others that they had encountered, yet the Bookkeeper paused in his path, his hand hovering above the dark wood. Upon closer inspection, they could see a key difference–the heavy bar that cut across it and blocked it from opening from the inside, and the padlock that hung, now broken, but clearly had been used regularly before then. Juro wilted at the sight.
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Despite how wondrous and grand the building was meant to be, Milae could feel the shadows of something corrupt and menacing lurking behind the gleaming facade, and it made him stick closer, taking two steps for each of Juro’s single strides as he followed him through the halls. When they stood in front of the door clearly meant to keep its occupant inside, he re-adjusted his hoof on Juro’s arm, gripping as much of his forearm as he could, and took a step to be in between him and what was clearly a heavy piece of his early years. He looked up and tugged slightly, attempting to get Juro to look at him. 
“The strings that bound you to the Rebellion were iron, stronger than anything in front of us,” he remarked quietly. “They must have been, to survive such distance and hardship, and bring you to Aidorin. Fate constantly shines kind upon you.”
akkeyagentofhelheim
Juro stared, stiff under Milae’s grasp, unearthing memories only he saw beyond the closed door in his mind, recalling lonely days had within the very room hidden before them, trapped with no hope of ever seeing outside the palace walls.
It wasn’t until several moments after that he glanced down, tilting his head to meet the half breed’s eye, usual grinning mask plastered on his face, save for the single, uncertain tremble on the corner of his mouth. His thoughts were another jumbled mess, and the struggle to vocalize it was apparent, but Milae’s words eased his nerves somewhat, and he exhaled a hollow sigh, bringing a large hand to ruffle the top of the half breed’s head, partially blocking his view, “Fate put you in my path, so I have no complaints.”
foresight-botgd
The movement earned him several twitches of the half-breed’s soft ears, and he briefly shut his eyes in content, shaking his head and squinting an eye back up at Juro. “So it goes. Fate, and a little bit of forced entry,” he replied cheekily, recalling their first meeting. He turned on his heel to glance at the barred door again, then back over his shoulder. “All that aside, if this is too much for you…”
akkeyagentofhelheim
“Should’ve asked me that when we opened the scroll,” he returned with a slightly humoured chuckle, then flicked his eyes back up again in thought.
“If it’s been the same all these years after I left, it shouldn’t have much of interest in there. Just a childhood bedroom specifically to store me in while I recharged… Still, a Bookkeeper records all true history, no matter how mundane,” he murmured, unable to help the hand that slowly reached out over Milae’s shoulder to slip the bar out of its hinges and letting it fall to the ground with an echoing thud, pulling the door open.
It didn’t take long for Milae’s eyes to adjust to the dimness of the room. He was met with the expected, barebones content of a dismal living space, with a single bed, a table and a chair, and a small window that held thin bars across it like a cage. But what was supposed to be unused was clearly not, especially recently, lacking any dust that would normally collect over the years, as the blankets and sheets were strewn haphazardly across the bed, an abandoned set of dishes on the surface of the wooden table. A pair of faded shoes were set carelessly by the door.
He tried to stop it, but was unable to keep the crest on his neck from bristling slightly. If what Juro said was true…this room should have been practically falling apart, or at the very least, empty. It was neither of these things. The implications were…worrying.
Milae held the man tighter, like he was afraid for him to step further inside. “Juro…”
akkeyagentofhelheim
The words were caught in his throat as he took in the sight, but he barely had time to process it as both their ears suddenly picked up on footsteps and muffled voices from somewhere around the corner. In one swift movement that was reminiscent to Milae’s second unexpected Library visit, again he was pushed into the room by Juro as the Bookkeeper pulled the door shut, shrouding them in further darkness save for the meager light that came from the tiny window. He crouched them both down to hide, the hands that gripped Milae’s were tight.
“The city was supposed to be empty,” Juro whispered as the voices became clearer, and he pressed his lips together in a thin line.
“See, the bar just fell.” Again, the unintentional translation buzzed through Milae’s fingertips, but this time with his ears instead of his eyes.
“Whatever. Still freaky. This entire place is freaky.”
“You’re not wrong. Especially that blonde kid that they kept in there.”
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Milae could do nothing more than stare across at Juro with wide eyes, square pupils large and the whites of his eyes showing at the corners. His throat tightened, but he forced himself to breathe long and slow, as he crouched under Juro’s long frame, mind racing with the contents of the conversation outside of the room.
Is there another?
akkeyagentofhelheim
“That wasn’t an ordinary kid. No human has red eyes like that. That thing was a demon.”
“Demons don’t exist.”
The voice went low, as if they were afraid something would overhear despite the empty palace, “You weren’t there. I saw him. Really tall, looked super young but you could tell he wasn’t really. Light hair and blood red eyes. Stared at you like it could look into your soul and take it. He ran out to the courtyard the same time we did, and he was already like, glowing. Something went wrong inside and they were trying to get him back, but then he blasted out all those lights and colours. Then when the explosion disappeared, so did he.”
“Shit, wait. That was real? I thought the papers were just adding it for the drama?”
“No way. It really happened. Higher ups think Chuugo made a deal with the devil, or something, and used it to give them their power all these years. Cus the second the demon disappeared all their weapons failed.”
“What… no, you’re crazy. There’s no such thing as the devil and, magic, whatever.”
“Honestly I’d think the same if I didn’t see it for myself.”
“Creepy. Way too creepy.” There was a shuffle then a sound of the bar being replaced in its old spot, and Juro visibly reacted where he knelt, dipping his head in a rush.
“I know, that’s why I wanna get outta here as soon as we can. Thank god they’re burning this all down today…” Their voices faded as they walked away, leaving the two hiding in the room.
The Bookkeeper was silent for some time.
“Th-they said, uh… they said–” when he spoke again, his low voice was hoarse as he tried to translate, but the familiarity of the harsh thud of locks sliding into place, and the suffocating silence that followed in that very room came crashing back, as his hands began to shake.
foresight-botgd
“Hush. It’s alright. I heard everything. I understood; I think you let me.” Milae pulled Juro’s hands close to his body, one to the fur at the base of his neck, the other to the left side of his chest, where his heart was beating strongly and quickly under his clothing. He tried to give him the reassuring sense of another body, another person, by his side no matter what. “We should go as soon as possible. This place is slated for destruction, and…if there’s demons…”
akkeyagentofhelheim
“No, demons aren’t… they don’t come around these parts. Chuugo has no resources to capture an actual one. They might call it a demon if it’s something they don’t know, which they don’t. It’s something else, it…” he looked up at Milae, unable to see him other than a fuzzy shadow against the weak window light. But the half breed had a clearer view of him, his face arranged once again into the neutral expression he habitually retreated to. A hand clenched the goat’s shirt in desperation to still its trembling, “It’s me. They’re talking about me, it has to be. All.. all of it is the same, except…” Blood red eyes. An idea formed in his thoughts, and he inhaled shallowly, unable to fully wrap his mind around the possibility, but forming no other explanation.
“I need to check, I–” he leaned forward, forgetting the scheduled demolition they had just overheard. A sudden hum filled the room, leaving no time to think, and a portal activated.
They squinted against the new light, finding themselves in a much more expansive room filled with low desks and bookcases, torn scrolls and dried up inkwells littering surfaces. Along one side was a wide staircase that led to an open second floor. There was something ominous about it, situated high above their heads, but Juro ignored it, slipping a little against the marble floors as he stood hastily, pulling Milae up to help him. This room was his original goal when they arrived, but that was all in curiosity and interest. Now, there’s a sense of urgency.
“They liked to keep track of everything they…. uh, did. To me. Had records of all the experiments and amplification,” that earned a toneless laugh out of the tall man. He didn’t realize how similar that sounded to what he did now, “I thought they probably found a way to replicate the magic. But it might be worse than I was expecting…”
They approached a collection of desks slightly situated in a corner, where it was apparent most of the activity had been, and crouched by them. Juro began to sift through what was left of the mess, searching for something in particular, reading through them at astonishing speed, a grim determination set in his jaw while his hand kept its tight, anxious hold around Milae’s, betraying the fear that remained. His rifling shifted a few scrolls in the half breed’s direction, and one of them rolled slightly open in front of him. The goat saw ink that was extremely faded, but still decipherable–Shou Lao Jin.
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Milae did his best to pick through what he could see, even though his other hand was occupied, and most of the terminology was foreign to him. He stood as tall as he could, going back and forth between the documentation before them and Juro’s stiff, unreadable face. 
“What are you looking for?”
akkeyagentofhelheim
“Anything about Akane…” Her name was foreign against his tongue. He glanced at the pile before Milae, pressing his lips together at the sight of his own name and some of the old records on him, including a picture of the very hall they were in, except it showed a young child with light hair being led up the steps to the second floor. He tore his eyes away to continue scouring. It was a small journal that was labeled Amplifier - Substitute, that caught his interest, and he pulled it in between them, and began flipping through.Weapon Red Fox failed her objective and returned without the Amplifier. The Emperor is furious, but the Weapon thankfully injured the Amplifier’s body and acquired part of it before it escaped, so we will salvage the situation and push up the date of a proposed project–attempts to combine the Amplifier with a host will begin tomorrow. The chosen host will be Red Fox. We will create our own Amplifier.There was a crude sketch of a man and a woman, and although it wasn’t anywhere near a replica, it was clearly an illustration of Juro, and what must have been Akane.
Juro cursed under his breath, one hand clutching the scars on his neck for a second, before he continued turning pages. The experimentation began, but it was all met with failure. They managed to partially succeed on the ninth attempt, but it couldn’t be sustained past three days, the amplifier collapsing and destroying itself. It wasn’t until the thirteenth trial that they finally received results.The new product is stable and amplifying.It is a replica of the Shou brat, save for the colour of its irises, but it shouldn’t affect its abilities and can be stored in the same manner. It’s docile, and seems to have only the most basic levels of intelligence. This is to our advantage.However, it doesn’t have the same potency as a true Shou Amplifier would possess, but it will suffice as our magical reserves run low. Red Fox is also at the end of her life, and we could not have reached this conclusion at a more perfect time.Search for the Shou Amplifier will continue, but at less urgency now as magic is recharged and the country is safe once again.A final illustration to the project ended its record, as Bookkeeper and ex-seidkonur stared at a teenage, red eyed Juro scribbled on the page.
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How awful…
“Where is…he?” Milae asked hoarsely. “What happened to him? They said he disappeared with the explosion…”
"I don't... I don't know. It might have been the same time as when I broke the chains..." Juro returned just as strained. He stared at Milae, unseeing as he pieced together the barrage of new information he had just read.
"All this time, there was another me--him... locked up in there..." His hand trembled once, "And I never knew. Because I never came back..."
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“You couldn’t have known. This...project, whatever it is. It’s something unnatural.” He rubbed his thumb across Juro’s palm. “Is he...tied to you, as the others are? Is he going to return?”
akkeyagentofhelheim
He slowly shook his head, doing a quick pass through the Bookkeeper threads, "I don't think so. He doesn't have an access to the Library either, otherwise I would've known immediately..." Juro tilted his head up slightly, staring past Milae's head above them, recalling more unwelcome memories the more of the palace he saw once again.
He opened his mouth, but before he speak, there was a large rumble, and loud crackling noises from somewhere outside. The eerie silence had now been replaced by falling and crumbling sounds, and the chilly morning air that reached even the inside of the building had turned uncomfortably warm.
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Milae quickly snapped out of intense thought. Dario would never forgive them for burning up in a building demolition across the world. “Portal. We have to go. Now.”
akkeyagentofhelheim
He jolted at Milae's voice, and inhaled sharply, the hum punctuating the air that was now crackling mutely. But there was a choppiness in his movement, as he stared at the mess in front of them, then at the papers and scrolls that littered the entire room, brow creasing slightly with a hesitation to leave so many records behind.
foresight-botgd
“Juro.” The goat briskly pulled on his arm, trying to break his focus. “Let it go. Please. We can study it later, in other timelines.” His eyes were serious and pleading, looking up at the Bookkeeper with concern. “Let’s get to safety.”
akkeyagentofhelheim
"If it'll even be in the other timelines...!" he said, taking a frantic step towards the scrolls, but one turn and look at the half breed brought him back to the reality of the situation. The building shook even more, and beams began falling and destroying the second floor, and the beginnings of the flames reaching where they were appeared by the doors. With a squeeze of his eyes shut, he quickly pulled a portal around them, and they left the Imperial Palace.
The air warped open and they fell right above the new couches in the Library, sitting side by side and slightly breathless as the perpetual fireplace crackled gently before them.
Juro exhaled shakily, leaning back on his seat and staring blankly before him.
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Milae got to his hooves, far too restless to sit, pulling his new cloak over his head and laying it across the back of the couch before turning and slowly kneeling before Juro. He put a hoof on his knee and was quiet for a minute, letting the man process what he'd been through.
Milae remembered his first revisit to his home village, remembered what it was like to watch the events of his childhood in real time, with an adult understanding, and remembered the re-inflicted trauma of seeing his home hollowed out, burned and beyond reach in the one timeline where it mattered most. He couldn't read Juro's mind--though he would have given a lot to be able to--but he imagined it was in a similar state to his own. Either way, he allowed him the time he needed without speaking.
akkeyagentofhelheim
It was a long time before he spoke.
Juro pulled at his blindfold in one movement, finally exposing the eye beneath despite the jarring frame rate, finding it to be more hindering than helpful in the present. His eyes were cold and hard, gaze fully trained at Milae as his face remained blank. But as the seconds and minutes ticked by, in the safety of the Library and the reassuring, affectionate presence of the half breed before him, like pulling puzzle pieces back together, he let the facade slowly melt away, little by little, replaced by a wretched, confused expression, brows creased worriedly at the discoveries they had made.
"They made their own version of an amplifier using me and Akane... they lived like that all this time..." he said hoarsely, wide eyed with incredulity at the sheer dreadfulness of it. His mind kept replaying the past hour, the childhood memories that related to certain places, the idea of another self, abominably created, that had suffered and perished in silence, and despite the horrifying stories and personal trauma behind it, the loss of so much history and knowledge.
Juro leaned forward, a shaking hand finding its way over his mouth as he tried to keep it together, the thrilled intrigue from before having disappeared, "I shouldn't have gone..."
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Milae looked up at him, face drawn with sympathy, his hoof squeezing Juro's knee tighter, the fabric twisting slightly. "It is done," he said softly. "It is terrible, but they are no longer profiting from it. They are gone." He took Juro's free hand. "Tell me what you're feeling."
akkeyagentofhelheim
“I’m not.”
It was hard to get rid of the instinct to suppress everything, and the words left his lips before he knew it. Juro sighed, shaking his head, “I... don’t know.”
He returned the hold, on both hands this time, leaning them against his legs and staring intently, like it grounded him as he searched for the words. He tried again, “Uhm, I feel... horrible.” That sounded correct, “Being there again... it was terrifying. I’m glad you came with me...” It was fleeting, but the corner of his mouth twitched up as an outpour of affection swelled in his chest.
“And... I don’t like what they did even after I escaped. I didn’t know all these years because I couldn’t bring myself to come back... so I’m... upset... at myself. I think...” That was also an easier one to verbalize, but something was off about it. He glanced up at Milae, his brow furrowed in doubt, unsure why it felt like he was right, yet he was missing one more. Racing heartbeats slowly calming, finding it easier to breath again now that they were far away, that it was over, that he wasn’t part of it anymore. A feeling that didn’t seem to mesh with the first two. 
foresight-botgd
“Like you should have been there?” he offered quietly, as Juro continued to digest his feelings. “Like having the new power that you did could have changed something, but you were never given the chance because you never found out?” His ear flicked as he looked down. “Yun felt the same after Sylar’s attack, and my home…well, it is a feeling we know well, if I am right.” He knew his thoughts would eventually stop circling back to the seidkonur, but for the present, he couldn’t help it. The young man’s absence was still a fresh wound.
His eyes shifted minutely as he gazed at the half breed, focusing and refocusing his sight, even when Milae turned his own away. His thumbs slid across fur covered hands, a subconscious mimicry of the goat’s own comforting gesture to him earlier on in a personal attempt to console him, tugging at his wrists to keep him near.
His nod was slow, still not entirely certain but feeling closer to something more tangible, “I got away, and he suffered in my place instead. I could’ve help–” Juro blinked as he realized what he was saying as a Bookkeeper, “I should’ve helped him.” 
His hands twitched involuntarily, “But I didn’t, and now he’s gone, and Chuugo’s gone, and I don’t have to worry about either of them, and I… I feel like I should be relieved–” the word clicked into place, “–I am. I am relieved, but I’m not… happy about it.”
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“I wouldn’t expect you to be,” Milae confirmed. “Often it is just a reaction born of surviving. The threat removed, even though it may be through tragic circumstances. It is natural, and healthy.” He pulled a comic grin, reaching up to jokingly ruffle Juro’s fringe like the man sometimes did with Milae. “It means that whatever is knocking around in there is still working. You don’t necessarily have to do anything about it, especially when…well, it is over. There is nothing to be done but feel.”
akkeyagentofhelheim
Juro shook his head out of reach of the gesture, exhaling through his nose in amusement as he pulled Milae back up to his level, turning to face him with a melancholy, yet genuine, little smile that finally stayed, “This is so very complicated,” he lamented, half in jest but the other half also in truth, because it really was, especially to him, of all people. The cap on his heart removed, and his journey to emotional maturity was a slow, delicate balance between learning and unlearning his own self.
“Thank you,” he said softly, much weight in the words, as emotions continued to twist and turn within. He couldn’t bear to think of how he would have reacted if Milae weren’t there.
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Milae returned the sincere smile, and he pulled Juro’s hands into himself and then wrapped his arms around his neck, hugging him close. The quiet of the library made the palace seem like a bad dream. “I believe in you. If anyone can figure all of this out, you can.”
akkeyagentofhelheim
If it were anyone else, if the lock was still intact, the physical contact would’ve have startled Juro no matter what. But because he was liberated, because it was Milae, returning the embrace was natural, practically sought after, as the Bookkeeper wrapped his long arms around him and closed his eyes with a contented sigh. Doubt still remained, but if his precious friend could express his confidence in him, then he could also have faith that he will be alright.
The soft crackling fire punctuating the relative silence of the early morning put them into further ease, as Juro gave another squeeze before letting go. There was still some restraint left in his face, but his eyes were clearer, brighter now, regarding the half breed curiously with a tilt of his head, “By the way, there was so much happening at once that it slipped my mind. What did you mean by ‘let you understand’? I don’t recall doing anything in particular…”
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“You…manipulated your magic somehow, I believe, into translating what I saw and heard. I didn’t bring it up either; things were stressful.” He chuckled. “Mmm… try showing me one of your Library entries. I believe they are not written in Aidorinian, correct?’
akkeyagentofhelheim
He shook his head, “I write in Hanzi. It translates through the Library so other Bookkeepers can also read it if our writing systems don’t overlap, but these should still remain the same in the physical timeline,” A small journal, bound in the same design that Bookkeeper and ex-seidkonur use, dropped from above their heads as he said that, distractedly handing it over to the half breed while he continued to mull over what Milae revealed, twirling a pen that suddenly appeared in the other, “I wasn’t aware I was even doing anything.”
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“It is a little strange, but the way you use magic is unconventional.” Milae was intensely curious about his powers the more that was revealed, and he sat beside Juro, flicking open the journal and seeing if anything was legible for him.
akkeyagentofhelheim
He caught a glimpse of foreign brush strokes again before he felt the same buzzing energy through his fingers despite not touching Juro’s hand. It came directly from the entry itself, twisting in the same movement as earlier, in swirls and streaks of ink that mimicked how his magic behaved, then settling into Aidorinian words the half breed could recognize. Haligan Island prepares to leave for Castaway Dungeon. Their troops gather at the central square, and main players begin to trickle in–Chief Grey Felman. The Ericson children. William Verdile. Kendra and Liam Arnason, with the Warden close to her ward and a keen eye over the rebels. The goat half breed, who must be the seidkonur Yun Milae. Akkey Black and Hunter Lindholm–The Bookkeeper leaned over to take a look for himself, giving a puzzled glance between the goat and the notebook, “It’s still how I wrote it down. Are you able to read Hanzi now or something?”
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“You didn’t feel that? Or see it? It was your magic.” Milae tried to tilt the book in Juro’s direction to show him, even though the spectacle was already over. Then he had a different idea. “Wait–wait, say something in your language.” He reached out to grasp Juro’s hand as he made his request, eyes agleam with curious fervor.
akkeyagentofhelheim
Milae’s eagerness pulled his grin even wider in response, unable to help himself despite not quite seeing the same thing, as the stiffness in his face very slowly but unquestionably rolled away.
Still Juro obliged, undeniably intrigued as well and wanting to test its validity. Long, ink stained fingers curled around hooves, gravitating towards a private thought that he’d been meaning to return, but didn’t feel right to utter in any language other than his own, as he flicked his gaze down at their hands.
“俺も大好きと言いたかった.” Milae felt and heard it clearly buzzing and warping from foreign to Aidorinian.
“I wanted to say I love you too.”
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“Ahh–”
Completely taken off-guard, Milae’s fur instantly heated, and he dipped his head, paused, then pulled their hands to the bridge of his nose, hiding his face in their fingers. He hasn’t expected anything this forthright from the man until far later, and he swelled with pride at the same time that he shrank with humility.
“Yes,” he said, muffled, after a moment. “Yes, I could…I could understand you.” The tip of his cloven finger tapped across Juro’s inkstains. “The magic, it comes from here…some kind of hum.” His eyes peeked out from under the mess of fur between his horns, fixed on their knuckles. “I wonder how you are doing it without meaning to…”
akkeyagentofhelheim
Juro had made a soft noise of surprise at the back of his throat when Milae confirmed the translation–not because he didn’t believe the half breed, but because it was such an unfathomable idea to him that he could even do something of the sort with his own magic by himself.
And it excitingly, unapologetically delighted him, as he dipped his head to see Milae at a better angle, blonde fringe brushing across a blue eye, a teasing, open smirk on his face. Every last trace of doubt that he had prior was now gone, because if there was ever one thing that Juro was 100% certain of from the very bottom of his heart, it was exactly that sentiment, and it brought him much happiness to be able to verbalize and be fully understood exactly how he intended it to.
“A hum…” he flexed the fingers in question once, the lopsided grin remaining as he thought, “That’s the amplification.” He lifted one hand to motion towards his chest before setting it down again.
“Although ever since the fight, it’s been different. It feels slower, or like there’s less inside me because it keeps escaping somehow. Or being used constantly–” he gave a small gasp and raised their arms outwards slightly as he connected a dot, “–that’s why I’m tired all the time! My body’s not used to it. It’s not as… contained as before. So it’s doing something with my magic on accident?” He stared at his hand, studying the black smudges against the faint white scars that resembled cracks on his skin.
A concept struck him, and the goat’s shoulders shook briefly with an attempt at stifled laughter. “You could be…leaking?” he tried to say at least semi-seriously. “Constantly unconsciously channeling, similar to a seidkonur’s resonance, only more…” He gestured several times forward with a hoof, searching for the words. “Outward. Directed. Instead of contained and reflected.” 
The half-breed snapped in realization, the sound more like a muffled clop. “Perhaps like with the Library. You did not do that on purpose, either.” The firelight gleamed off of the excited twitch of his ear. “And who knows what else?”
akkeyagentofhelheim
He pushed at him a little with the hand he already held in response to the teasing, but still chuckling along with him, mirroring the excitement. He bit his lip at the prospect of even more unintentional magic, sobering slightly despite the overall eagerness, “What if it gets too much again? I can’t control it yet…”
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“Both time, age and experience is on our side. None of which we had over the past month, and yet, Frigga lies in a permanent, astral grave.” Milae leaned forward, like he was sharing a very big secret, in a mock whisper. “Now, I won’t say that it was entirely because of me and my training, but…” One more squeeze of the wrists. “Surely we can make something simple and useful out of exploring your abilities. You were never meant to live in a cage forever.”
akkeyagentofhelheim
The intrusive doubt that made him falter disappeared just as quickly at Milae’s lighthearted reassurance, and he responded with a lean and a laugh of his own. He nodded after a moment, another hum through their hands, “お世話になります.”
“I’ll be in your care.” The words were simple, and straightforward, and perhaps a touch too formal, but that was because it carried a reliance, and a deep, wholehearted trust that no other sentiment could convey.
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Milae grinned and couldn’t help giving him the affectionate head-bump learned from his youth–much more gentle than normal, since Juro didn’t have horns. He straightened with responsibility. “Then I will guide you as best as I can, vinur mín. Whatever you need, Dario and I will help to give.”
akkeyagentofhelheim
The buzzing flared once more, then died at their hands, leaving behind a now determined energy within. Juro glanced towards the window, the light that streamed through growing brighter as the sun rose higher from outside where Hakata residents began to stir for the morning, “It’s getting late over there. He should be home by now, no?”
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“Hopefully, but sometimes his nights run late, if there is someone that needs more help than usual. He is making quite a name for himself among the healers; he gets sent for quite often.” Between Juro and Dario, Milae was puffed up like a proud rooster. “But if so, we should be home to welcome him.”
akkeyagentofhelheim
“We–” his smile twisted further. He hadn’t thought about it before, it was so simple, really, welcoming someone home, but to him it held a lot of meaning, to be included in something so familial and close knit. 
“We should,” he said, grinning affectionately at the half breed’s pleased declarations, a large hand pushing his head slightly as he reached over to hand him his cloak, swiping to grab his own blindfold as well. The familiar hum of a portal filled the Library, “Let’s go back home.”