Easton Staymates

Easton Staymates is a "character" played by DrXeroLive
==General Information==
Easton Staymates is a Career Criminal, and former DMV worker. He's a mean, abusive, manipulator who pushes others down for his own self sake, therefore having few real friends.
==Physical Description==
Easton has blonde hair, prescription glasses, and a bad fashion sense.
==Background Information==
He’s just a simple man looking for meth. Meth is his everyday goal but he has yet to succeed.
He apparently has military experience, was the nemesis of a lame supervillain, was friends with famous actor Grant Hendrickson, had a robot friend from the future, and had his movie idea stolen by Bryce Miller.
==Criminal Record==
===MDW Profile===
Last Updated 02/26/2024
Total Charges 	10	 	
Priors 	
{| class="article-table mw-collapsible mw-collapsed" style="width: 100%"	Criminal Record of Easton Staymates	Criminal Record of Easton Staymates
Attempted Murder 	1 	 	
Failure to Comply with a Peace Officer 	1 	 	
Failure to Stop/Running Light 	1 	 	
Misuses of a Hunting Rifle 	1 	 	
Negligent Discharge of a Firearm 	1 	 	
Obstruction of Justice 	1 	 	
Possession of a Controlled Dangerous Substance in the Second Degree	1 	 	
Resisting Arrest 	1 	 	
Theft of a Motor Vehicle 	1 	 	
Undefined (Being a cutie) 	1 	 	
==Relationships==
Biological:
* Unnamed Mother
* Unnamed Father
* Unnamed Siblings
* Ryan Gosling: Literally Him.
Adoptive/Step:
* Randall Gemma: Force-Adopted Father
* Brandi Lee: Force-Adopted Niece
* Wylan Fey-Coldiron: Stepson through marriage with Dahlia
* Eddie Concord: Adopted Son
* Jeffy Coldiron: Half-Brother-in-Law
"Romantic:" 
* AEGIS phone person: Situationship (They totally want each other)
* Dahlia Fey: Wife (Originally married as a bit, but now it's (REAL) )
* Sasha Phillips: Ex-Mistress (Easton only learned about it after 8 months)
* The Hat Man: Easton's first Ex (Still owes the Hat Man money)
* Blondie Lee: Also an Ex-Mistress?
* Mercy Schilling: Ex-Wife (Very briefly)
== Epic Roleplays ==
* Caveman freeze: In the Midst of Easton and Bryce Miller's (platonic) break up. Easton got so distraught that he attempted to freeze himself in the Los Santos Golf Club Pond to travel into the future, where he hoped Bryce Miller would either be dead, ruined or confirmed as British (The Worst possible fate). Unfortunately, Paramedics 'rescued' Easton forcefully.
* Bullshit Murder Charge: Long time friend of Easton Staymates, Billy Phresh, was acting strange one day. Easton, using deductive reasoning, learnt that it was actually a skinwalker who had taken on Billy's form. Before Easton could do anything, 3 cops rolled up and stabbed the skinwalker, planting the knife on Easton before arresting him. The Judge on Easton's courtcase was obviously paid off.
* AEGIS: Easton was contacted by a secret society/Cult to ask him out on dates. Easton denied these advances, instead steering the organiasation towards finding the truth, such as the fact that Skyler Sparks was a vampire. 
* Brain Tumour: At an unspecified point in the year, Easton starts working as a volunteer in a radioactive waste disposal facility. An accident causes him to get exposed to low level radiation, and he is later diagnosed with Holes in Brain, though the radiation was not determined to be the sole cause.
* Marriage to Dahlia Fey: Easton gaslit a woman into marrying him. The Wedding was Sponsoured By E Cola and Ammunations, requiring an Ad Read during their Vows. Dahlia did the Ad read, but Easton refused. After the wedding (Which took place at Chumash), the afterparty took place at a nearby beach, where Easton wandered off with his Ex-Mistress. Meanwhile, Ted Hawke (The Alternate personality of Ork Shillings, One of Easton's friends/Ex-Child) Killed Bryce Miller, who was quickly revived by the Local Nercomancer Duke Wellington and almost killed Eddie Concord.
== Victims ==
Billy Phresh (Fake)
Eddie Concord (IN THE FUTURE) (REAL)
Sasha Phillips (Indirectly but 100% his fault)
== Trivia ==
* Easton caused a famine in Ireland when Irish McIrish didn't show up for 8 months.
* Easton wrote a memoir titled "If I Did It: A Billy Phresh Story" (No relation to the OJ Simpson Book).
* Easton is over.
* In 221 BC, Easton conquered every warring state and unified all of China, as well as laid the groundwork for building the Great Wall of China
* Easton Staymates is a descendant of John Wilkes Booth.
* Easton Staymates once caveman-froze himself and came to the year 2099, where Bryce Miller was supreme lord of the universe. Angered, He invented time travel and came back to the current age to stop Bryce.
* Easton is a harem anime protagonist.
* Easton can't see blue.
* It's theorized that ONX takes place in Easton's head after he fell from a crane in Liberty City.
* Easton is so back.
* Easton Staymates was born with holes in his brain.
* Easton suuuuuucks.
* Easton has never gaslit anyone, because gaslighting isn't real.
* Easton is illiterate.
* Easton shouldn't talk to anyone and should just sit around sadly.
* 31 people share Easton's room in the Oasis Motel. 
* Easton Staymates is hallucinating this piece of trivia.
* Easton is being stalked.
* Easton owes the Hat Man $5.33.
* Easton is canonically a 'short king' even though he denies it ;/
* Easton once appeared on "Fame or Shame" where he attempted and failed to rob the filming crew.
* Easton is so over (REAL).
* Easton LOVES bikers.
* Easton sucks at Wrestling
* Easton Staymates caused the death of Theo's parents
* Easton's father was a clown.
== Quotes ==
"Nobody ever accused me of pulling any weapon on them. I would never, ever pull a weapon on anybody." Easton killing Billy Phresh (Skinwalker)
"What do you mean you have my children at the police station? Why are my kids at the police station?" Easton after Eddie Concord was arrested for jaywalking
"I'm absolutely, l00 percent, not guilty." Easton in his court trial for murder, moments before being found guilty 
"The day you take complete responsibility for yourself, the day you stop making any excuses, that's the day you start to the top." Easton after a meth fueled rampage
"Yo what up, baaybeh?" Easton's default phone answer
"I consider myself a relatively moral guy." Easton during his murder trial
"I did not have anything to do with this murder. Ever." Easton talking to the police before being illegally searched
"I don't care if I live or die. Go ahead and kill me." Easton before getting mag dumped by the police
"Depression is not real. Feeling depressed is real. " Easton to his therapist
"The Industrial Revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race." Easton during his courtcase to the judge
"I will not have nerds as children. I refuse to have a nerd carry the name Staymates. " Easton to his Ex-Wife during the divorce proceedings
"I called this virus [Monkeypox] a hoax from the start and everyone called me crazy… The virus isn’t real.." Easton hearing about the Monkeypox epidemic 
"Men can cheat, women can’t." Easton after being asked about his relationship with Dahlia and Sasha 
"I've declared war not because capitalism's a thorn in my side or outta nostalgia for an America gone by. This war's a people's war against a system that's spiraled outta our control. It's a war against the fuckin' forces of entropy, understand?" Easton while in VR 
==Gallery==