The Patty Monster

The Patty Monster is a Mr. Rrarrg episode. In this episode, the north koreans create a giant patty monster to terrorize a city, so the gang have to stop it before it's too late.
=== Characters ===
• Patrick
• Rrarrg
• Grr
• Babba
• Grugg
• Moustache Snail
• Man Ray
• Mr. Krabs
• CrazySponge
• Fred
• North Koreans
• KFC Cashier (debut)
• Factory Worker (debut)
• Patty Monster (single appearance)
• Willy (debut)
• Incidentals
== Transcript ==
(shot of the north korean government building; we see mr krabs walking up to it with a map)
Mr. Krabs: Well, I made it back.
(cut to inside; mr krabs goes in the elevator)
(shot of mr. krabs inside the elevator)
(cut to mr krabs in the cave; he walks up to the table where the rest of the EOFNK are sitting at)
Mr. Krabs: Sorry I'm late, boys.
Man Ray: well how was human trafficking like?
Mr. Krabs: It was pretty good. But i lost most of me money due to some fucking bitches snitching on me to the police! I almost got arrested, but I escaped nonetheless.
Moustache Snail: did you at least save some money?
Mr. Krabs: hold on
(he digs through his pockets)
Mr. Krabs: Sorry, no. I spent all of it on getting over here.
Moustache Snail: (sighs) I suppose we'll have to find a different way to collect funds for our project.
CrazySponge: what project?
Man Ray: the one we've been planning for months and have no money for!
CrazySponge: doesn't ring a bell.
Mr. Krabs: We could maybe wash cars?
(man ray and moustache snail look at each other; cut to the 5 of them near the road with a sign that says "WILL WASH CARS FOR $1")
(montage of them washing cars)
(end of montage; mr. krabs is holding the money)
Mr. Krabs: Well boys, we did it! We got some funds!
Man Ray: I don't think it's enough though. I mean we only got 15 bucks.
Mr. Krabs: how much do we need?
(man ray counts on his fingers)
Man Ray: 153.
Moustache Snail: I guess we'll have to go looking for a decent paying job.
(cut to them near a north korean kfc)
CrazySponge: Wow, I didn't know they had KFC's in North korea! Hopefully they pay well.
(the 5 of them walk inside; they walk up to the register)
Cashier: (speaking in korean)
Man Ray: sounds like he doesn't speak english. Good thing I know korean.
(man ray speaks to the cashier in korean)
(the cashier agrees in korean)
(the rest of the EOFNK wow)
Moustache Snail: how did you do that?
Man Ray: well i've lived here for so long i pretty much know the language.
Mr. Krabs: Well I guess let's get to work!
(montage of them working at the kfc and getting paid)
(end of montage; mr. krabs is working the fryer, man ray is at the drive thru window and moustache snail is cleaning the floors)
(shot of the toilet door and a flushing sound being heard; crazysponge comes out)
CrazySponge: woo, those spicy chicken nuggets sure hit the spot.
Moustache Snail: did you actually do anything?
CrazySponge: Of course I did! I took care of cleaning the fryers!
(flashback transition to CrazySponge trying to clean the fryer; it sets on fire and he backs away; transition back)
Moustache Snail: very interesting. Anyways, how much did we get?
(mr. krabs pulls out the money from his pocket and counts it)
Mr. Krabs: we just need 2 more dollars
Man Ray: I see a car coming up!
(the car pulls up)
(man ray speaks in korean into the microphone; cut to the drive thru where we see a korean fish ordering something in korean)
Man Ray: (speaks in korean)
Fish: (speaks in korean)
Man Ray: hey krabs we need one large bucket.
(mr. krabs puts a few pieces of chicken in a bucket and gives it to man ray)
Man Ray: That's it?
Mr. Krabs: well it's all we have left
Man Ray: reheat some more! Do you want those 2 bucks or not?!
Mr. Krabs: Ok fine.
(mr. krabs puts more pieces of chicken into the fryer and puts it in the bucket)
Man Ray: That's more like it.
(the fish pulls up to the window)
Man Ray: (speaks in korean)
(the fish drives away)
Man Ray: Well, we got more than 2 dollars! I believe we can fund our project now.
(the EOFNK leaves the building)
(cut to the EOFNK driving in a van)
CrazySponge: where are we going?
Moustache Snail: to get some krabby patty meat!
Mr. Krabs: hey wait a minute.
Moustache Snail: what?
Mr. Krabs: I can't go out looking like this!
(the van stops)
Moustache Snail: you're right…
(moustache snail pulls a moustache out of the cup holders and gives it to mr. krabs)
Moustache Snail: here put this on.
(mr. krabs puts the moustache on)
Mr. Krabs: I tried this disguise before they could recognize me!
(moustache snail gives mr. krabs a hat and he puts it on)
Mr. Krabs: now that's more like it!
(cut to a factory; the van pulls up)
Moustache Snail: we're here.
(cut to the gang in the factory)
Mr. Krabs: So what's the plan exactly?
Moustache Snail: The plan is simple. We take the pounds of krabby patty meat and we form it into a monster!
Man Ray: we can use my reviving machine I never got to use!
Mr. Krabs: Well I suppose that's good enough.
(they walk up to someone)
Moustache Snail: excuse me.
Factory worker: huh?
Moustache Snail: I believe you make the meat for the famous krabby patty right?
Factory worker: well yeah but, the krusty krab hasn't really been in business so we just have tons of it lying around.
(mr. krabs eyes hop out of his sockets)
Factory worker: if you want you can take all of it we don't really know what to do with it.
Moustache Snail: how much would that cost?
Factory worker: oh you can have it for free.
(mr. krabs faints)
Factory worker: is.. he ok?
Moustache Snail: oh don't mind him. He's just a little nervous around other people.
Factory worker: Alright. Well you can take the meat and go I guess.
(cut to the EOFNK walking out with 5 tons of krabby patty meat in multiple carts)
Man Ray: good thing they gave it away to us.
Moustache Snail: yeah, hey at least we have some cash for future endeavours.
Mr. Krabs: Now let's get back to North Korea and make that monster!
(transition to next scene; the EOFNK are in the cave again around a surgery table)
Moustache Snail: alright, so we have 5 tons of patty meat. Now let's lay it all on here and then we charge it right?
Man Ray: yeah.
Moustache Snail: well let's get to it!
(mr. krabs and crazysponge dump out the meat onto the table)
(man ray shapes it visibly sweating)
(crazysponge wipes it off)
(moustache snail checks the size and approves it)
Moustache Snail: alright boys, it's time to charge this meat!
Everyone else: yeah!
(moustache snail flicks a switch and an electrical charge goes through the meat a la frankenstein's monster)
Moustache Snail: yes… YES! My glorious creation is rising!
(the patty monster actually rises and groans)
Man Ray: it is simply beautiful.
CrazySponge: and it's made of meat!
(CrazySponge winks at the camera)
Moustache Snail: oh my glorious meaty creation.
Mr. Krabs: ahem. OUR meaty creation.
Moustache Snail: right. I command you, meat creature, to go up there and destroy bikini bottom!
(silence)
Meat Monster: rruh?
Moustache Snail: hm. Well I guess we'll have to get it out manually.
(transition to next scene; shot of the mountains) Come on guys, let’s get him out.
(The gang pick up the meat monster and start carrying it)
Meat Monster: rruhhh?
Man Ray: Neptune, how heavy IS this thing?
Moustache Snail: Pretty heavy. Now let’s go, there’s no time to waste!
Mr. Krabs: You got it… (groans)
(Cut to the EOFNK arriving in Bikini Bottom)
Man Ray: Phew, good thing the big guy made it past airport security.
Moustache Snail: Yeah, I wasn’t in the mood to bribe people anyway.
Mr. Krabs: argargargarg, this is gonna be so good!
CrazySponge: Hoopla! Damn right!
Man Ray: Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s drop this sucker onto the town! Muhahahahaha! Alright everyone, on the count of three, we will release the patty monster. One… two… THREE!
(At once, the EOFNK lets go of the meat monster, who starts heading towards Bikini Bottom)
Moustache Snail: Alright, we did it, gang! High five…! Oh wait, I don’t even have any hands. Damn it.
(Cut to the meat monster making its way into the bigger parts of Bikini Bottom; people are already screaming in fear)
Fred: Whatever you do, DO NOT TAKE MY LEG!
Meat Monster: urgh…
(The meat monster then runs over Fred, completely taking over him)
Fred: (muffled) Nooooooo-
(Meanwhile, at the shack)
Patrick: So, are we all in agreement here?
Rrarrg: rrarrarg (No! I love anchovies on pizza!)
Grr: grrrr (weirdo)
Patrick: Agreed, Grr. So yeah, anchovies on pizza are NOT normal. So with that out of the way, let’s play trashball!
(The other creatures cheer as they go outside)
Patrick: (looks around) Hmm… something seems… off about today.
Grugg: gruggrugg? (does anyone else hear that screaming?)
Patrick: Hmm, now that you mention it, I do. I think it’s (points to Bikini Bottom) coming from there.
Babba: babbababbaa (should we investigate?)
Patrick: (shrugs) Beats having to look for something to make a trashball again. Let’s go, guys!
(cut to them walking through the city that's on fire; a fish runs besides them)
Patrick: seems normal so far. Hey look!
(shot of a broken down pizzeria)
Patrick: a pizza place.
(they walk inside and walk to the counter and the restaurant inside is also ruined)
Patrick: hello my good man, i'll have one classic pepperoni pizza.
(there's no one at the register)
Patrick: Hm. Must be out for lunch.
(distant screaming)
Patrick: where is that screaming coming from?!
(they walk outside and see a giant patty monster sliding away)
Patrick: oh shrimp.
Babba: BABABBAAAA!! (MONSTER!!)
(babba tries to run away but hits a lamp post)
Patrick: oh dammit! Why is it that every tuesday something bad happens?!
Grr: grgrgrgrgrggrr. Grgrgrgrgr (i don't think it's just for tuesdays. Thursdays are pretty bad too.)
Patrick: Your point being?
Rrarrg: rrararararargrgarararg! (let's stop getting distracted and try to get this meat thing outta here!)
Grugg: grugrgrgug? (but how?)
(they all think for a few seconds)
Patrick: i got it! Why don't we put it through a giant meat grinder!
Grr: grgrgrgrgrg? (where will we get that?)
Patrick: at the meat grinder factory, of course!
Grr: grrrgrgrr! (those don’t exist!)
Patrick: Uhh, uhh, where the hell do giant meat grinders exist?
(Cut to the gang at the Krusty Krab)
Patrick: nope not here.
(cut to them at the chum bucket)
Patrick: not here either.
(cut to them on top of the twin towers)
Patrick: nope. Not here either.
(distant plane sound)
(cut to them back in the city)
Patrick: Damn it! Where are we going to find a giant meat grinder?!
???: Did somebody say… giant meat grinder?!
Patrick: Yeah, what do you want?
???: I think I can solve your problem.
Grr: grrrgrr (who the hell are you?)
???: I'm the local meat vendor! I need my giant meat grinder to grind all my local meat. But for this… thing of yours, I'll let you use it.
Patrick: Awesome! Where is it?
???: Follow me.
(They all follow the unknown person to an underground lair full of weird inventions and gadgets)
Rrarrg: rrarrarg (it's really damp down here)
???: Don't worry about that. By the way, my name is Willy.
(Grugg chuckles)
Willy: Yeah yeah, I've gotten laughs like that before. I'm used to it. Now follow me.
(The others follow Willy to his giant meat grinder)
Willy: The bad boy of all bad boys: my meat grinder.
Babba: babbabbaba (how are we going to lure the patty monster down here?)
Willy: hmm…
(cut to them in the city; we see the monster terrorizing it)
Willy: Hey you!
(the patty monster looks down at them)
Willy: Why don’t you eat someone your own size?!
Patrick: That’s stupid, he’d never fall for-
(the patty monster then starts going for Willy)
Willy: C’mon, guys, we don’t have much time!
(the gang put the meat grinder in the monster's path then rrarrg makes it trip and it falls into the meat grinder; screams are heard from within the grinder)
Patrick: Do you guys hear that?
Babba: bababababa (probably the wind.)
(the meat that comes out of the grinder is put into a giant container and is sealed)
Grr: grgrgrg! grgrgrgr! (we did it! we saved the city!)
(silence)
Willy: Well I guess I'll be going now.
(willy puts the box on a cart and rides it away)
Willy: See you all later!
(Patrick’s stomach growls)
Patrick: Wow, I sure am hungry.
Rrarrg: rrarrararg (we have kitkats at home)
Patrick: (sighs) It’s not the same as a Krabby Patty, but I’ll take it.
Grugg: gruggrugrugrug (guess who got chum from the chum bucket earlier?)
(Grugg holds up an entire bucket of chum)
The others: SCORE!
(It cuts to the gang back at the shack, chowing on chum)
Patrick: Man, this might even be BETTER than a Krabby Patty! (sighs) I miss going to the Krusty Krab.
Babba: babbababa (hey have you wondered what that Willy guy is up to right now?)
Patrick: Hmm…
(Cut to Willy selling meat outdoors at his vendor; he is making more money than ever)
Willy: Come again!
Guy: Man, this 90% discount is incredible! What's the occasion?
Willy: Oh nothing. Just a special day I guess. Heheh.
(Brief cut to Willy's vault underground with loads of cash; cut back to the gang)
Patrick: I'm sure he's doing okay. Damn, this stuff is good.
(The episode ends with Patrick taking a huge bite into the chum, splashing it all over the camera)
== Trivia ==
• This is the first episode to have the production company credited since Plans.
• This is the second longest episode of the show, beating The Lesbian Bar Next Door and Unfree Labour, with 11 pages of script.
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