Ready, Aim, Fire/Transcript

Timon and Pumbaa are seen walking in a forest; they are wearing winter clothing and they are shivering.
Timon: "That's the last time I let you choose our vacation spot!"
Timon knocks some snow out of his ear.
Timon: "I wanted to go to Bora Bora, lush tropical trees and lush tropical women. But no! The warthog wanted to go ice fishing in the Arctic Circle! I'm so cold, I could... "
Timon notices a campfire that has been set up.
Timon: "I could cozy next to a big, roaring fire!"
Timon and Pumbaa take off their winter clothing and cozy up next to the fire.
Timon: "Now this is the ticket."
Smolder the Bear walks up to Timon and Pumbaa, frightening them.
Smolder: "Excuse me, is this your fire?"
Pumbaa: "Oh, no. We just found it."
Timon: "Yes, it's ours. Get your own!"
Smolder: "Hmm, your fire, eh? Well, I'm Smolder the Bear and I make sure there are no forest fires. You see, forest fires are bad. People who start forest fires are bad. I eat people who start forest fires!"
Timon (nervous): "You eat them?"
Smolder opens a door in his stomach revealing two kids.
Smolder: "Tell 'em, Joey and Susie."
Joey: "We played with fire."
Susie: "We did not listen."
Smolder closes his door.
Timon: "You keep a door in your stomach?"
Pumbaa: "Well, Mr. Smolder, we certainly don't want to start a forest fire."
Pumbaa runs offscreen and comes back with a bucket of water and uses it to put out the fire.
Smolder: "That's better. Now, don't let me catch you playing with fire again, or else..."
Smolder makes a swallowing gesture before leaving. Pumbaa kicks some mud onto the logs.
Pumbaa: "Well, we learned something today, Timon. Playing with fire is bad."
Timon: "Never mind the fire! That bear has a door in his stomach!"
A French-like Quint appears, holding a fish.
Quint: "Sacre bleu! My fire! What have you done with her?"
Pumbaa: "Why, we put it out! Fires are bad!"
Timon: "Come on, Pumbaa. Let's get out of..."
Quint grabs Timon and Pumbaa.
Quint: "You two will get me my fire back or else!"
Quint drops Pumbaa and removes his axe from his belt.
Timon: "But where are we supposed to find fire here in the forest at this time of day?!"
Quint points towards the erupting volcano.
Timon: "I had to ask."
Later, Timon and Pumbaa are seen climbing the volcano.
Pumbaa: "Timon, we should just forget about this whole thing. The bear said that bringing fire into the forest is against the rules."
Timon: "I don't like it anymore than you do, Pumbaa, but if we don't bring back fire, Frenchy will kill us! Now, come on."
Even later, Timon is seen carrying a lit torch as he and Pumbaa are walking back to Quint, passing a bunch of signs forbidding fire.
Pumbaa: "Timon, I'm getting a really bad feeling about this."
Timon: "Relax already, Pumbaa."
Timon screams as he notices a sign showing Smolder about to devour him and Pumbaa. They continue, but accidentally bump into Smolder. Timon hides the torch behind his back.
Smolder: "What's that you're carrying?"
Timon pulls the torch back out.
Timon: "Oh, this? A flaming torch, wouldn't you know? But we got a good reason for having it."
Smolder: "There is no good reason for bringing fire into my forest! But please, amuse me with your reason."
Pumbaa: "Actually, it's for someone else."
Timon interrupts.
Timon: "OK, you caught us. The fire is, uh, well, it's for, uh, to walk on hot coals! You see, we walk on fire! Yeah, for meditative purposes! You see, we're, uh, we're Swamis! Isn't that right, Aloo Gobi Pumbaa?"
Pumbaa: "Yes, Tandoori Timon!"
Swami outfits suddenly appear on Timon and Pumbaa.
Smolder: "Hmm. My uncle was a Swami. I always wanted to see that. Let me see you do that. Walk on fire, that is."
Smolder takes the torch from Timon and throws it to the ground, laying a path of hot coals for him and Pumbaa to walk on. They groan as they painfully walk on the fire. They come off it with their feet burned.
Timon: "That was very relaxing, was it not, Aloo Gobi Pumbaa?"
Pumbaa: "Oh, yes. What a very peaceful experience, Tandoori Timon."
Smolder: "Hmm, impressive. But I'm telling you there's still no reason good enough to bring fire into my forest! And if I catch you two anywhere fire... (growls) Down the hatch with you both."
Smolder stomps out the hot coals and walks away.
Timon: "Aloo Gobi Pumbaa, that was possibly the stupidest thing we've ever done."
Pumbaa: "Yes, Tandoori Timon, I agree."
The duo runs of screaming in pain before dipping their feet in a river.
Timon: "Mama mia!"
Quint appears with his fish on a leash.
Quint: "Le hey! You there! You promised me fire! And it is where?"
Timon: "Oh, hey. You know, it's funny. We just had it, but we dropped it here somewhere and we're, we're looking for it."
Timon and Pumbaa dip their heads into the water pretending to search for fire.
Quint: "Well, find more now. Waiting makes me tres angry, eh?! Kick off, you !"
Quint cuts down a tree that catapults Timon and Pumbaa back to the volcano.
Timon: "Convenient. Pumbaa, we are stuck between a pyromaniac and pyrochondriac! What do we do?!"
Pumbaa: "I don't know what those things are, Timon, but I've got an idea!"
Later, Timon is seen wearing a costume to look like fire while Pumbaa holds a torch.
Pumbaa: "Timon, you get to be fake fire to distract the bear, while I take the real fire to the crazy lumberjack."
Timon: "Now, there's a sentence you don't hear every day."
Pumbaa: "Shh. Here he comes. Act like fire."
Smolder approaches Timon.
Smolder: "You've got to be kidding."
Timon: "Hello, I am the mischievous and toasty spirit of fire. Hee hee! I bring warm and light to all!"
Smolder: "Aww, ain't that sweet? But there's only one thing I do with fire."
Smolder takes out a shovel, causing Timon to scream like a girl. He runs away and accidentally trips Pumbaa. Smolder wacks Pumbaa with a shovel.
Smolder: "Well, that's it. I'm gonna eat ya."
Smolder picks up Pumbaa and prepares to eat him as Timon returns and paints fire on Smolder's behind.
Smolder: "Ah! I'm on fire! I gotta put it..."
Smolder drops Pumbaa and begins whacking his behind with the shovel. Timon and Pumbaa escape as Smolder notices the paint on his shovel."
Smolder: "Wait a minute. This ain't fire."
He sees Timon and Pumbaa running away and growls.
Smolder: "Get back here!"
Timon and Pumbaa run towards a clearing and catch their breath before noticing Quint sharpening his axe.
Quint: "I'm not seeing le fire. You have a story about where my fire is?"
Timon: "Oh, yeah, yeah. You're gonna get a huge kick out of this story!"
Timon and Pumbaa are suddenly launched back towards the volcano.
Pumbaa: "You were wrong, Timon. We were the ones that got a big kick out of that story!"
Timon and Pumbaa land back at the volcano. Before they light their torch, Smolder turns of the volcano and begins chasing them around the caldera. The duo runs so fast that they bump into Smolder and send him and themselves falling off the mountain. Quint is seen playing a board game with his fish as he notices Timon and Pumbaa landing next to them.
Quint: "Le well?"
Quint begins smelling the air before looking at Timon and Pumbaa."
Timon: "Look, you crazy mook, we can't get your stupid fire! There's a bear, see, and he... What?!"
Quint: "Smells like you have fire, no?"
Quint turns Timon and Pumbaa around and notices them smoking.
Quint: "Hey, you smell quite good. I wager you taste better than this smelly fish, eh?"
He puts Timon and Pumbaa on a spit and begins roasting them over a fire. The fish puts on a bib and takes out a fork and knife.
Timon: "Out of the frying pan and right back into the fire, eh, Pumbaa?"
Pumbaa: "Yup. Say, Timon, why didn't you let me tell the bear the truth?"
Timon: "Pumbaa, sometimes it's just easier to lie."
Pumbaa (rolling his eyes): "I see."
Smolder finds Timon and Pumbaa, growls, and charges towards them.
Pumbaa: "Wait, don't eat us! We had a good reason for the fire!"
Pumbaa angrily looks at Quint.
Pumbaa: "He made us do it!"
Quint gives a shocked look to Smolder.
Timon: "Yeah! He was gonna hit us with that big sharp thing!"
Smolder: "Hmm. Well, looks like you two fellas are not so bad after all."
Smolder chuckles as he lifts Timon and Pumbaa off the spit and uses his shovel to put out the fire.
Smolder: "Now, as for the real firebug..."
Quint: "Le gulp."
Elsewhere, Timon and Pumbaa are walking away, with their bottoms burned.
Pumbaa: "Gee, things sure turned out well in the end, huh, Timon?"
Timon: "For us, anyway..."
Smolder is seen picking his teeth and the camera zooms in on his stomach, where Quint is sitting with Joey and Susie.
Susie: "So, what are you in for?"
Episode ends.