Thing-Equivalence Theorem

The Thing-Equivalence Theorem is an approach to the Silver Bullet Problem that foregoes the existence of a silver bullet entirely, and simply tries to coerce the unknown variables into some sense of control. While it can produce the desired results, it renders the universe unrecognizable to modern scientific understanding, and has been dismissed and ridiculed by phenomenologists since its discovery.
It was most famously used by the NAPD in the Regression of '08.
== Thing-Equivalence - hates, kills, goes to jail ==
The theorem centers around the establishment of the Thing-Equivalence, a process by which an observer of two interacting anomalies can draw an equivalence between their classification. It consists of the following logical equation, Equation 1:
If any of the following conditions are true:
* the thing kills entity A, or...
* entity A kills the thing, or...
* the thing hates entity A, or...
* entity A hates the thing
Then entity A must also be the thing
Equation 1 provides us a way of modelling how something can become "the thing", or how it can be known to be "the thing". It seems to suggest that the essence of thing-ness will proliferate over time, as the bodies pile up. This also presents us with the first problem with this theorem when mechanized during the Regression of '08.
These kills and hates properties are discussed further in the next equation. 
If entities A and B are the thing, then:
* A hates B ≡ B hates A, and...
* A kills B ≡ B hates A
Equation 2 describes the properties of "the thing", and how two entities that are the thing can be said to be equivalent.
It shows us that two entities that are the thing can become linked by two properties this hates and kills. If one hates the other, we can infer that the other hates the one, and vice-versa. The same can be said for kills. So, there is this equivalence being drawn between these two entities. This is where the theorem's namesake comes from.
If entities A and B are the thing, and A hates B and A kills B, then:
* A goes to jail, and...
* B goes to jail
Equation 3 describes a unary property, this goes to jail, which is surprisingly meant to be interpreted literally. Once an entity that is the thing goes to jail, it cannot continue to proliferate any of the two properties mentioned in equation 2.