Episode 7/Transcription

Kevin: This podcast is recorded in front of a live studio beagle -- he's currently wandering around sniffing my leg. Welcome to Kevin and Ursula Eat Cheap; uh, Ursula is currently working on two parts of what we're reviewing today, it will be a mac and cheese extravaganza, but for that there is some prep time required and some boiling water and -- what are you stirring in the thing, in the... you have to stir it in a mug first?
Ursula: The Annie's stuff you're supposed to mix the cheese and the milk and stir until smooth.
Kevin: Wowww... it's lumpy.
Ursula: It's --
Kevin: So you mix the cheese and -- So, what we're doing is we've got several different varieties of, of macaroni and cheese, one of which is the Annie's Natural --
Ursula: And since it takes eight to ten minutes to cook traditional mac'n'cheese, we started this beforehand.
Kevin: Right. 
Ursula: Which was sensible, so that you wouldn't have to listen to it. The Annie's Natural, however, you have to mix the sauce and the cheese together instead of just dumping everything in a glorious mass over the mac'n'cheese noodles and stirring, and so I have a cup full of... vivid orange lumpy glop.
Kevin: Right. So, really for -- for reference purposes we've got about five different mac and cheeses we're going to be trying today, starting with -- do we have the traditional Kraft?
Ursula: "Macaroni and Cheese: The Cheesiest."
Kevin: The cheesiest -- we will call this our control, our default, the Kraft macaroni and cheese, everybody knows it, everybody eats it, it takes all of...
Ursula: Ten minutes.
Kevin: Ten minutes to prepare, it's cheap, I've lived off of it, my kids have lived off of it.
Ursula: It's eighty-nine cents a box if you don't get it on sale.
Kevin: See, so, cheap, it is. We also have the Annie's Natural, which is also a box of -- with powdered cheese sauce that you stir up --
Ursula: "All Organic."
Kevin: All organic. As we progress we will hit the Chef Boyardee Microwavable Mac'n'Cheese: Made with Real Cheese, we have the Kraft Macaroni and Cheese Dinner Triple Cheese: Cheesy Made Easy microwave pack, these were like four for three bucks -- um, one of our cats is already visiting us -- and then apparently the, I've been told this is the top of the line, is the Boston Market Macaroni and Cheese --
Samantha the cat: Mrooow.
Kevin: Thank you, Sammy-bear. The Boston Market Macaroni and Cheese, uh, frozen. Blended with Three Cheeses with Spiral Rotini Pasta. Meanwhile, the, um... heating is going on -- you've drained one?
Ursula: I drained one --
Kevin: Okay --
Ursula: I'm draining the other one -- it didn't occur to me I should've staggered these, because now they're both done at the same time and I have to make two sauces.
Kevin: Okay.
Ursula: So we should turn it off and you should make cheese sauce.
Kevin: Uh, which one needs the cheese sauce --
Ursula: Macaroni and cheese, the -- the, sorry, the Cheesiest needs --
Kevin: The Cheesiest. Yes, actually that one's pretty easy, 'cause I can do that one on the fly. So this is the Cheesiest that was in this one?
Ursula: Yeah. Yes. It's on the right.
Kevin: On the right.
Ursula: And I figure that Annie's is a left-wing company, and Kraft is a little--
Kevin: So you put that one on the left. Okay.
Ursula: So.
Kevin: Okay, so, Kraft. Um, water, margarine, right -- so, add margarine, mix, and cheese sauce, mix well. So I need four -- four tablespoons of margarine! Whoo, I feel mah cholesterol flowin', thank you very much! *scuffling through fridge* Margarine...
Ursula: And fortunately the Annie's does not require any butter, although it says if you wish a richer flavor feel free to add some, and also goes on to suggest on the box that we support our local organic farmer by buying local organic milk and cheese. This is sort of, uh, naive of them in that it is very difficult to buy local milk in -- the pasteurization laws being what they are, so you have to do like black market raw milk pickups if you actually want to buy from a local dairy that isn't pasteurized all to hell.
Kevin: You can do that in this county, I think.
Ursula: What, black market dairy pickups? Yes, people do it all the time at the farmers' market, but you have to have like passwords and all -- it's, it's harder than buying weed, I'm told.
Kevin: Really!?
Ursula: Yeah.
Kevin: Harder to buy milk than weed. That's, um, that's pretty... pretty harsh.
Ursula: It's a pretty strange country. Bear in mind, back in the days when I was buying weed, it was pretty easy because my dealer was working at a pizza delivery service and he would just come over with a pepperoni with something extra, but -- *to the microphone* That was in college, I haven't done that for years, don't do drugs kids.
Kevin: All righty, I have almost got four -- whoop!
Ursula: Oh crap, I didn't put the, the glop --
Kevin: Put the glop on!
Ursula: All right, and we're back, having rescued the mac and cheese from the brink of burning and chaos, and, uh, so just to let you know we -- we have set this up, and as a palate cleanser between our mac and cheese tastings we have pickled sushi ginger, as the traditional palate cleanser used in Japanese cooking, or at least in sushi cooking.
Kevin: Ow -- yes.
Ursula: And Kevin is hurting himself.
Kevin: What else is new?
Ursula: It was not a ginger-related catastrophe, though.
Kevin: No it wasn't. Ginger!
Ursula: All right.
Kevin: There we go.
Ursula: And now we are starting with "The Cheesiest".
Kevin: Mhm.
Ursula: That's good ol' classic mac'n'cheese.
Kevin: Buttery, vaguely cheesy -- these days I taste the butter more than the cheese.
Ursula: It's mac'n'cheese.
Kevin: It's mac and cheese.
Ursula: It is the mac and cheese against which all mac'n'cheeses are measured.
Kevin: Yes. Okay.
Ursula: And now, a little ginger...
Kevin: A little ginger -- yeah. Gonna need more ginger.
Ursula: Now we are going for the Annie's Natural, which looks almost exactly like the other one except that, uh, the sauce is a little thinner.
Kevin: Little thin on flavor, too.
Ursula: Yeah. I believe there's real cheese in there...
Kevin: I can actually taste cheese more than butter in this one.
Ursula: Yes. I think if you added butter to this one, it would probably be fairly good.
Kevin: It would be, um -- I think, as they said, it would be richer. I will say this is a slightly sharper cheese.
Ursula: This is a slightly sharper cheese, this is a... eh, I mean, it's still mac and cheese, the distance isn't that great but it lacks... umami.
Kevin: Umami?
Ursula: You know, the, the, the -- the fullness on the tongue.
Kevin: Yes --
Ursula: That's 'cause there's MSG like crazy in the other one or something.
Kevin: I don't think there's MSG like crazy. There's butter like crazy, there were four tablespoons of butter in the traditional --
Ursula: --okay--
Kevin: -- in the Kraft, I mean, there's butter for days in the Kraft.
Ursula: All right. Next up --
Kevin: Next up?
Ursula: Next up we're going to do microwave Kraft mac'n'cheese --
Kevin: Yes.
Ursula: -- and we can actually compare it to the non-microwave. 
Kevin: We can. *clattering noises* In preparation for dinner later, I am mixing the Annie's with the Kraft, because --
Ursula: Oh dear God, you've crossed them!
Kevin: Hey, cross the streams, it'll be fiiiiine! There are no gods involved. Plus, the kids don't care.
Ursula: Myeah, there's that.
Kevin: I will put the milk away as well, because -- all right. How does that one work?
Ursula: This one works pretty much the exact same way that all the other instant noodle bowls work -- you remove the lid, you take out the cheese sauce packet, you fill it to the line, you stir, and then you microwave it.
Kevin: Stir and then microwave. So this is essentially the noodle bowl we're used to, except it's mac and cheese.
Ursula: Exactly.
Kevin: Whoa! 
Ursula: You okay?
Kevin: Yeah, no, just the, the Annie's sauce that you spilled? 
Ursula: Uh-huh?
Kevin: There was, there's -- you know, I mean, this is a working counter, so I scrubbed it down, but there was a little moisture, probably a little residual grease or whatever, I went to wipe it off, and it had... reconstituted slightly and turned into... not so much a cheese sauce as a cheese, I mean, like...
Ursula: Sludge?
Kevin: Sludge, yeah! Well, almost like melted cheese stuck to the counter. It kinda took me by surprise there. *more clonks* Okay. 
Ursula: We are microwaving that on high for three and a half minutes.
Kevin: Yes. While that's microwaving...
Ursula: Perhaps we should discuss how we are going to prepare the -- the alien mac and cheese for the --
Kevin: Y-yes we should. Um, there seems to be some debate about this.
Ursula: I say that the proper way to make a good ol' white-trash meal out of mac and cheese is that you cook hot dogs, and then you cut them up and put them in the mac and cheese.
Kevin: Whereas the way we've always done it, or at least we did in my family -- parts of my family, was, uh, tomatoes, so I'm very fond of putting say salsa in my mac and cheese.
Ursula: This strikes me as revolting, alien, and possibly illegal.
Kevin: On the other hand, the thought of hot dogs in mac and cheese -- I think I'm okay with that, but I like a little tomato, I like a little bit of the zing that I get from it.
Ursula: Now, I wonder if this could have something to do with the fact that you put ketchup on your hash browns.
Kevin: I do occasionally.
Ursula: I never do.
Kevin: And I put ketchup on my scrambled eggs when I was growin' up, too.
Ursula: And I never do that either. Ketchup is a food that goes with french fries. It does not go on hash browns. It definitely doesn't go on eggs.
Kevin: I see. This could be one of those regional differences, because I am from the East Coast originally--
Ursula: --whereas I am from the West Coast.
Kevin: Yes. And I'm from -- I mean, my family's from the Northeast, and you're from the Pacific Northwest. So it could just be these regional differences in, that we're running into. Um, I'm sure our listeners will be happy to fill us in at great length.
Ursula: If you have any interesting variations on the what-you-put-in-mac-and-cheese, we would love to hear about it. Diced tomatoes strikes me as just frickin' weird.
Kevin: It -- hey. I will, I will get you -- I will find a can of diced tomatoes and we will do this.
Ursula: No, the --
Kevin: Maybe not tonight.
Ursula: Not tonight. And, frankly, after tonight it is gonna be a long damn time before I want to eat mac and cheese again.
Kevin: Having them side by side a little further, the Kraft definitely comes out richer, thicker -- I'm not going to say cheesier than the Annie's --
Ursula: But, again, that could be 'cause we didn't add butter to the Annie's. I think butter was an optional thing on the Annie's --
Kevin: Mhm.
Ursula: -- possibly had we added butter there would be little to tell between them.
Kevin: Yes. I get a slightly sharper flavor from the Annie's, it is not as creamy, and I'm pretty sure that's because of the butter.
Ursula: Now I am told that in some parts of Canada, they make mac and cheese with Black Diamond cheddar. I was told this because I asked a friend of mine when I was going to Canada if we could get Black Diamond cheddar up there, and he looked at me like I was an idiot and said "That is fit only for children and invalids. You put it on mac and cheese. That is not a real cheese." So I thought he was just, you know, grandstanding and then I had this... Quebec nine-year aged raw-milk cheddar --
Kevin: That was, that was --
Ursula: -- that was, I saw God eating that cheese, and --
Kevin: It was, that was an incredible cheese.
Ursula: Yes, so --
Kevin: That wa-- she would only let me have like little corner slivers at a time and only if I begged and pleaded, and if I tried to like... think about going near the fridge she would give me dirty looks and get quite dangerous, no I'm not after your cheese.
Ursula: Hey, I had to smuggle that cheese back in my luggage. Well, it wasn't really smuggling.
Kevin: Okay --
Ursula: I recall the time I was trying to go across the border from Canada and I had to go through customs twice because our plane broke down or exploded or something and they put us on another airline, and so I had to declare twice that I had sausage and a something, an adult novelty in my luggage. Which was an embarrassing thing to explain once but they didn't care about the adult novelties, they cared about the sausage, the sausage could not be made from elk, because if it was made from elk it was subject to seizure under the Chronic Wasting Disease... you know, issues.
Kevin: Chronic wasting disease?
Ursula: Chronic wasting disease affects the elk herds in, uh, much of the upper Midwest and in Canada, it's a brain disease that gets into their little noggins and scrambles them, and if you hunt them -- it's sort of like mad cow?
Kevin: Okay.
Ursula: And it's very bad for the elk and if you hunt elk and then eat any part of their brain or spinal fluid, you get it too and it's very unpleasant.
Kevin: That sounds very unpleasant.
Ursula: Yes.
Kevin: Now, while she's adding the powder to the microwaved mac and cheese -- a more, what we consider a more traditional noodle bowl mac'n'cheese, let me just say that --
Ursula: Let me just say that it boiled over.
Kevin: Did it boil over?
Ursula: Oh, yeah.
Kevin: Okay. Um, what I was going to say is --
Ursula: The microwave is now awash.
Kevin: -- if you're feeling adventuresome, it is very easy to do just a regular mac and cheese without the powdered mix, without any of this stuff, and with your favorite cheese. You make as much macaroni as you want, and essentially it's a question of melting the cheese, having grated cheese helps, we keep grated Mexican cheese in the fridge at all times, so that grated -- grating the cheese first, very easy to melt, and you just sort of add the cheese, add some milk, add some butter, stir, add a little more milk, add a little more cheese, until you get the flavor and the texture you want. You have to practice a little bit with this, and I do highly recommend the butter, because the butterfat makes a big difference in the flavor when --
Ursula: Hmm.
Kevin: -- you know, even if you got whole milk. You're grunting.
Ursula: Okay, well, according to the directions you do not drain it, because, I quote, "Excess liquid is needed to make cheese sauce."
Kevin: Okay.
Ursula: So I didn't drain it. What we now have is cheese soup. It says that, uh, "Cheese sauce will thicken on standing"...
Kevin: Hold on. H-how much water did you put in here?
Ursula: To the line.
Kevin: "...to fill line in cup..."
Ursula: Yes.
Kevin: "Microwave uncovered on high three and a half minutes or until pasta is tender, do not drain." Cup and conta-- okay, now... 
Ursula: And it -- we -- y'know, it went down maybe a quarter inch, probably from boiling over, but --
Kevin: This is... 
Ursula: This is cheese soup.
Kevin: Cheese soup. Now --
Ursula: So, what we've learned is don't follow the directions.
Kevin: Um... 
Ursula: While we're waiting for that sauce to thicken on standing --
Kevin: Yeah.
Ursula: I'm going to put the Boston Market frozen mac in.
Kevin: What about the, uh, Chef Boyardee?
Ursula: We'll do that next.
Kevin: Okay. Well, how long does the Boston Market take?
Ursula: Three and a half minutes.
Kevin: Oh. All right, then.
Ursula: Heating directions! Okay, this takes forty-five seconds, so we'll put this in first.
Kevin: Forty-five seconds, okay. Uh, do you need the lid on it?
Ursula: Probably.
Kevin: Okay. "Pull pop top." *noises* Uh, make sure, 'cause sometimes they say don't put the lid on, but --
Ursula: "Remove film under plastic cover. Replace plastic cover. Microwave on high for forty-five seconds or until warm."
Kevin: All right! While she's microwaving that, thinking of plastic covers that've been carved and... things of that nature, uh, let us remind you that this podcast is brought to you by Monoceros Media. They are able to make all manner of things, including a lucite Red Wombat logo about the size of a silver dollar piece.
Ursula: Yeah, that was kinda cool.
Kevin: That was very cool. And actually, one of the things that he's been doing lately has been printing banners, like the Japanese wall banners.
Ursula: Neat!
Kevin: Just printing them out on fabric, they're absolutely gorgeous, so give -- next time you've got a project you're looking to print or maybe some neat giveaways for a convention or something like that, check out Monoceros Media.
Ursula: Now --
Kevin: And they are linked from our, our podcast page.
Ursula: We should also discuss the advanced food that we ate over the course of the week.
Kevin: Which, which -- uh, advanced food over the course of the week. I don't know, this is turning into a production with all the mac and cheese.
Ursula: Yup. I'm not keeping those boxes laying around the kitchen for the next -- okay, we're encountering a problem here --
Kevin: Yeah?
Ursula: In that when the other mac and cheese boiled over, now the microwave really is completely awash in water, so it's kind of annoying. 
Kevin: Okay, why don't you wipe that down while I talk about -- uh, which one should I talk about first? Also, your cat's being an ass.
Ursula: I don't know, do you remember any of 'em?
Kevin: I do. 
Ursula: Ben, you will not get fed.
Kevin: Tasty Bite All-Natural Vegetarian Bombay Potatoes. These were a relatively easy heat, tear, and pour, in the microwave, Indian potatoes. They were pretty good actually, over a little rice.
Ursula: I believe our analysis was that they were the equivalent of cheap Indian buffet?
Kevin: Yup, cheap Indian buffet. The nice thing about these, they're vegetarian, they're vegan, they're gluten-free, there's no MSG, there's no preservatives, and they're kosher. So just about any dietary restriction, except perhaps if you're allergic to potatoes, actually fits in this one, and if you happen to be allergic to potatoes, don't eat these. That would just be, this would be death. They were pretty good though, they were cheap Indian buffet on rice, not a big deal.
Ursula: Yeah, I thought -- I don't think they were terribly expensive, they might've been a buck ninety-nine or two ninety-nine. I'd say they were a, maybe either side dish or to a certain extent entree for two, they were side dish for four, entree for two, if you put them over rice or over naan or something.
Kevin: Okay. Here is the Chef Boyardee mac and cheese.
Ursula: Okay. We are...
Kevin: Shot of ginger.
Ursula: Yes.
Kevin: Ginger! This need to stir up or something?
Ursula: Iunno, we should probably -- stirring never hurts?
Kevin: Stirring never -- ooh! Ah! Difficult to stir in this little container.
Ursula: It's wee.
Kevin: Mhm? Mm.
Ursula: And cold.
Kevin: And cold.
Ursula: I cooked it for the listed time.
Kevin: I can't even read that. Ahem! "High for 45 seconds or until warm. Let stand for one minute in microwave." Wow. Either we've got a crappy microwave, or -- "In a convenience store oven, microwave on high for thirty seconds." This needed at least a minute. The cheese sauce is... Even if it were warmed? Subpar.
Ursula: Yeah, this is just not good.
Kevin: Yeah. This is --
Ursula: This reminds me actually almost precisely of the mac-and-cheese in a can that Chef Boyardee did some years ago; I looked for it in -- for our segment today, and thank God I couldn't find it 'cause that was awful, awful stuff, and I was not looking forward to having to sample it for this, I -- it was something -- it was not the worst thing I have ever put in my mouth, but it was not among the best. And --
Kevin: Dear ConAgra... this stuff sucks.
Ursula: Yeah. Fortunately it seems to be off the market, because apparently everyone thought it was terrible.
Kevin: It's not off the market, they're just packing it in these little microwave-safe bowls -- I found a warm spot. Warm doesn't help.
Ursula: Okay. So, Chef Boyardee mac and cheese in a little thing is --
Kevin: That's, that's --
Ursula: -- crap.
Kevin: -- that's crap. Crap is too good for this. Ingredients, just so you know, "Water, enriched pasta, cheese, high fructose corn syrup. Cream, sea salt, margarine." Well, ingredients-wise, it isn't actually that bad, except for the high fructose corn salt -- corn syrup, I have to give them some points -- modified corn starch, milk concentrate, malodextrin, blah blah blah, triglycerides... potato maltodextrin. So if you happen to be allergic to potatoes, or wheat, this one's right out.
Ursula: I'm -- okay, now I'm going to -- we have let this -- it's the -- other mac and cheese sit to allow the sauce to thicken, it is --
Kevin: The Kraft --
Ursula: -- not thickened appreciably --
Kevin: No, not really.
Ursula: -- so I'm gonna try the cheese soup.
Kevin: All right, cheese soup? *they eat* Little less water, and --
Ursula: And it would taste a lot like Kraft only not quite as buttery.
Kevin: Only not quite as buttery. Was there another fill line -- is there a second fill line in there?
Ursula: No, I think it just sucked. Meh.
Kevin: Meh?
Ursula: It's not as good as the --
Kevin: -- not as good as the box version, no. We've got three more jar -- can -- things of this.
Ursula: The kids'll eat it.
Kevin: The kids'll eat it.
Ursula: Speaking of other things the kids will eat.
Kevin: Hm? Hmm!
Ursula: We revisited the pierogi --
Kevin: We did.
Ursula: -- last night with Mrs T's Potato and Four Cheese Blend Pierogies. I think these might've actually been cheaper than the Chimo brand, I don't remember. They weren't very --
Kevin: I don't remember.
Ursula: -- they weren't terribly expensive --
Kevin: Mm-hm.
Ursula: -- and these were better than the Chimo, I gotta say.
Kevin: Right.
Ursula: They were similar in almost all regards, they cook the same -- 
Kevin: Yup!
Ursula: -- you fry 'em with an onion, but they were less greasy.
Kevin: They were certainly less greasy, I think the flavor of the filling was a lot -- I'm not gonna say stronger --
Ursula: I didn't notice any difference in the flavor of the filling, it's all just processed cheese spread.
Kevin: Yes, processed cheese spread and potatoes, but I could really taste potatoes in this one instead of "There's something grainy that tastes vaguely like cheese". So I have to say the Mrs T's Potato and Four Cheese Blend Pierogies, much better than the Chimo, thumbs up on these plus, again, very easy to cook. Whatcha got there?
Ursula: I got to stir and then replace.
Kevin: Stir and then replace?
Ursula: Yes.
Kevin: 'Kay. So far the winner of the mac-and-cheese-off has to be the Kraft Original Mac and Cheese.
Ursula: I vote for this one.
Kevin: Well, yes.
Ursula: Sadly this one is not cheap.
Kevin: No, it is not cheap, but if it's tasty... man, the cheese soup one, that's kinda disappointing.
Ursula: Yeah, I was disappointed with the cheese soup too.
Kevin: I wa-- I had high hopes. Really high hopes.
Ursula: In terms of price I think the Annie's was -- you know, it's like any organic thing, it was probably like two bucks, two-fifty, whatever as opposed to eighty-nine cents.
Kevin: The Annie's is not bad, I do give it a second place.
Ursula: Yes.
Kevin: Of what we've had so far. 
Ursula: And with the caveat that if you added butter it would probably be quite good.
Kevin: Yup. The cheese soup doesn't get better.
Ursula: No, I don't think the sauce is gonna thicken on standing --
Kevin: Nno.
Ursula: -- unless evaporation does its dirty work.
Kevin: Yeah... there's no other fill line on the thing or the side, so...
Ursula: I don't think the problem was me.
Kevin: No.
Ursula: I think the problem was the cheese.
Kevin: *sighs dramatically* Dagnabbit.
Ursula: So we've had one quite bad --
Kevin: Yup.
Ursula: -- one... poor, one classic, and one almost-classic but a little more spendy.
Kevin: Quite a little more spendy.
Ursula: And we consumed quite a lot of pickled ginger.
Kevin: Which is not a problem.
Ursula: No, I quite like pickled ginger. I keep a jar of it in the fridge for, you know. Those random snack moments when I've got to eat something that tastes strong but I don't think it has any calories, so --
Kevin: I, I don't know. Medicinal purposes. The other thing we've had in the last week was the Pork Roast Florentine from Trader Joe's --
Ursula: The frozen food. This one was, while I will class it as intermediate, the pain-in-the-ass factor was pretty high. 
Kevin: Well, you did this one while I was at work, 'cause it takes so long to bake.
Ursula: Yes. This one, you have to take -- you have -- first you have to thaw it, *microwave beeps* and I'm gonna go do the thing --
Kevin: First you have to thaw it, then you have to --
Ursula: *returns* You thaw it in warm water --
Kevin: Right --
Ursula: -- and then you have to put it in a, like, you -- you know, preheat the oven, you put it in a casserole dish and you have to cut it out of -- it's a pork loin thing, so it's got little strings, it's all bondaged up and you gotta cut it loose, and then you gotta like...
Kevin: Bondaged up?
Ursula: I'm not saying that the pork roast was enjoying it, but it was tied up!
Kevin: Okayyy?
Ursula: And I don't know why it was tied up. It made no sense.
Kevin: It's so that it doesn't un-- you have to tie them so that it doesn't unroll, during the marinating and whatever 'cause if it doesn't... get the shape it will unroll and things will fall out. So you tie the stuffed pork loins and related things up to keep the stuff in them till they've... set, and then you can cut them and they...
Ursula: The thing is, it was sufficiently processed that I don't think that might've been a problem, but maybe I'm wrong. So I cut it loose, and then you have to brush it with melted butter or vegetable oil, so it retains moisture even despite the fact that it was all wet and gunky, so I don't know what moisture it was retaining 'cause it was already squishy. And then you bake it, then you put tinfoil over it -- no, you put tinfoil over it and then you take the tinfoil off, and you bake it more and you shove a meat thermometer in, and it's never hot enough, and you sit there and go "Okay, I'm really hungry but if I eat this I'm gonna get trichinosis, but do I care right now 'cause I'm really hungry", and the end result is that even though it says it takes, you know, ten to fifteen minutes when baking uncovered it took half an hour. So prep time wound up being something like two hours, and it cost I think nine bucks.
Kevin: Yep. Taste was not bad, though.
Ursula: It was pretty tasty, the texture --
Kevin: -- it was tasty --
Ursula: -- was fine --
Kevin: -- yeah --
Ursula: I mean, it was sort of --
Kevin: The sauce was really nice, you have the --
Ursula: It was... fancy.
Kevin: Yeah. Fancy, fancy's a good term for it.
Ursula: Yeah, I mean it was all... it looks exactly like the packaging, which I will give them credit for.
Kevin: Yes, that was sort of surprising, and I really can't go anything wrong with the flavor...
Ursula: This is what I would say about this. If you want to go all out and make like a Valentine's meal or a date night meal or something for your significant other --
Kevin: Oh yeah!
Ursula: -- and you can't cook for crap, this would be a great thing, because it displays effort, it's fancier than going to McDonald's --
Kevin: Oh yeah.
Ursula: -- or getting a takeout pizza, you can be "Hey look, I cooked" and they'll be like "Wow really? Oh my God", and then they will be touched and the food will be decent, and at nine bucks you don't really want to spend that much on a normal night, so.
Kevin: The soup is still soup.
Ursula: It's not gonna get any better, hon.
Kevin: Um...
Ursula: *laughs*
Kevin: I'm sorry, I'm hoping! I -- it's just... sad. Really. Just so sad. So how's the Boston Market coming? *clunks* Okay?
Ursula: I believe the Boston Market is ready for consumption, you might need to stir it again.
Kevin: 'Kay, I will have another shot of garlic -- or...
Ursula: Ginger.
Kevin: Ginger, thank you. Yes, this does require another stir.
Ursula: And it's hot.
Kevin: It's hot.
Ursula: I will say the Boston Market does not count as eating cheap, it was two-ninety-nine for a box that at best could be considered a side dish for two if they're not hungry.
Kevin: Oh-kay. See how this one comes out. Little cheesier...
Ursula: A little cheesier, it's a lot cheesier.
Kevin: There's a lot more cheese flavor than the Kraft. Okay.
Ursula: And the fact that it's rotini, it is soaking up the cheese sauce so there's a lot of storage space for cheese sauce.
Kevin: There is. *pause* I have to give this one -- yep, this one gets the top marks. Out of this run...
Ursula: Oh yeah.
Kevin: The only reason the, um, Kraft Cheesy Made Easy triple-cheese isn't getting dead last is because of the darn Chef Boyardee.
Ursula: It was almost a dead heat for last.
Kevin: No, no...
Ursula: No, you're right, the Chef Boyardee was so bad it wasn't a dead heat.
Kevin: You know, I've learned, like with the Cheesy Made Easy, I could reduce the amount of water...
Ursula: Hm? Yeah.
Kevin: ...you know, and just cover, maybe just enough to cover the macaroni, and maybe that'll make a difference? I could do nothing, absolutely nothing to the Chef Boyardee to make it better.
Ursula: I'm going to agree.
Kevin: Mm.
Ursula: So I think that our rating scale today should be, um...
Kevin: Um...
Ursula: Colanders.
Kevin: Okay.
Ursula: 'Cause we have to drain them. So -- let us do five colanders.
Kevin: Five.
Ursula: I would say that the Chef Boyardee gets point-two of a colander because it is not -- it does not get zero because it is not actually poisonous --
Kevin: I can't give it a negative number?
Ursula: Only if it is life-threatening or contains arsenic.
Kevin: Well, let me check the ingredients here --
Ursula: *laughs*
Kevin: No, nonono. Point-five at best.
Ursula: Okay.
Kevin: Half a point.
Ursula: The Mac and Cheese Cheesy Made Easy Triple Cheese, I guess we give a one to because possibly you could make it so it didn't suck if you, you know, experimented.
Kevin: Definitely a one.
Ursula: And they come in four-packs, so once you screw up the first one you have three more to experiment with.
Kevin: Wow, the Boston Market's really good. Annie's I'm gonna give a solid three.
Ursula: I will give a solid three to Annie's, it is -- I'd definitely try adding butter --
Kevin: Mhm.
Ursula: It is undoubtedly the healthiest of the offerings --
Kevin: Absolutely.
Ursula: -- it's certainly the one that involves the least damage to the planet, they seem like very nice people.
Kevin: I think with the butter it would -- it is a very average, very solid contender.
Ursula: Yes, if you're making mac and cheese to feed to your offspring, I don't think they'll complain about eating Annie's.
Kevin: Not really.
Ursula: If you're making mac and cheese to feed yourself go for the Boston Market.
Kevin: Ah, yeah. Boston Market gets a five.
Ursula: Boston Market's a five, and Kraft I'd say gets a four?
Kevin: Kraft gets a four.
Ursula: It is really the industry standard classic cheese. I mean I'm sure it's terrible for you, I'm sure there's things in there that will make your lungs explode and collapse and die and all, but -- man, you chop up some hot dogs, it goes to a five.
Kevin: Mm. You throw in maybe two-three tablespoons of your favorite salsa, and it will go to a six, I'm tellin' you right now.
Ursula: Lies, foul lies. Once again --
Kevin: Yeah, once again.
Ursula: Well, I think that does it for us this week --
Kevin: Yes.
Ursula: Have a nice week, all; we have eaten it so you don't have to.
Kevin: Yes. And, believe me, you don't want to, with the Chef Boyardee or perhaps the cheese soup.
Ursula: Now --
Kevin: Wait! It may be starting to thicken, it's been what, twenty minutes?
Ursula: Oh, just let it die.
Kevin: Fine. I'll give it to the cats.
Ursula: Eh.
Kevin: We got one. Somewhere. Right -- we eat it so you don't have to, and --
Ursula: -- and now we're going to find something to do with all this leftover mac and cheese.
Category:Episode transcriptions